Andrew’s Dilemma

By, Cain129

 

 

Synopsis: Andrew is not your normal teenage boy, and has spent most of his short life trying to live up to everyone’s expectations for him and has suffered physical and emotion abuse, eventually this leads him to attempt to take his own life.

 

 

I just couldn’t take it anymore. Nothing I did made a difference, I had tried for years to live up to what everyone expected from me. The more I tried. the more depressed I became. There was no hope for me and I couldn’t continue living a lie anymore. There was no one that I could turn to for help, not even my parents.

My fathers name is Jake Roberts and he was a star football player in his teens. He had been offered a full college scholarship until he blew out his knee in his last year of high school, then ended up going into the military. Dad moved up in the ranks pretty fast. He was doing pretty well, except that he liked to drink a little too much. Eventually he lost control, and due to his lack of judgment, the men under his command died.

He was discharged and sent home in disgrace. Dad continued his drinking, and if he wasn’t getting into fights, he was being pulled over by the police for driving under the influence. This continued until the car accident where he lost control of his car and hit someone. He ended up going to jail.

A year later he was released. A part of the conditions of his release was he couldn’t drink and had to attend meetings. Shortly after he was released, he met my Sarah my mother. The two of them quickly hit it off, and a year later, them were married. I came along almost a year later. Dad was ecstatic when mom broke the new to him that he was going to have a son. He had already started planning the outcome what my life would be, and with his help, I was going to be everything that he wasn’t.

The only real problem with that idea was I sucked when it came to sports, and I didn’t inherit those skills that my dad valued. Instead I took after my mother for the most part. Unlike my dad, who at was my age was a husky kid that was grew to be very muscular, I was a skinny kid that didn’t weight more 110 pounds. Even so, dad believed I was capable and was pretty much blind when it came to accepting the truth, For years he pushed me to workout and build my up my body but all that happened was I toned up and became faster.

Yes, I was in excellent shape because of dad’s workouts. They really did nothing for me and when he didn’t see the results that he looking for . . God help me. At first it was just mental abuse, Over time, he became physically abusive. I tried talking to mom but as far as she was concerned dad could do no wrong.

She used to say that when I was older, I would be thanking him. The truth was that these were his dreams, not mine. As the days went by, I started to hate him for being unable to see past what he wanted. The only other outlets that I had were my friends. Megan and Jennifer and I spent most of my free time with them until the three of us started high school.

It was about that time when my life started really going down hill,Up to then,at least I’d had someone that I could talk to. When we hit high school the lines were drawn. Megan and Jennifer fell into the popular crowd. I was pretty much a non entity, and I really didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. The only thing that made me remotely “popular” was that the bullies seemed to take a liking to me.

The same thing had happened in Junior High School. After receiving beating after beating from the bullies, dad finally agreed to letting me take Tae Kwon Do lessons. In High School, there were new bullies and most of them knew nothing about me. A few of them
did try to beat on me. It was mostly just one on one, but when they realized that it didn’t work, they started coming after me as a group.

There was one time, though that Megan and Jennifer stepped in to try to help me. The biggest surprise was Scotty. He was new to the area and had just started at our school. He was very well built and later turned out to be the schools new quarterback. When he saw us, he didn’t realize that I was a boy. What he saw was a girl being beat on by a couple of guys. He took offense to that, and came over to put an end too things.

After it was over with. he found out that I wasn’t a girl. He took a lot of ribbing himself, but he was a nice guy and never let it get to him. I really didn’t know why, but he continued to step in when he saw that I was in trouble. I guess he did it to show the girls that he was a nice guy, and throughout the school year he never really seemed to have a moment where there wasn’t a pretty girl at his side.

Because of this, things did get somewhat better. I still received the occasional faggot comment. I could handle that. What I found the hardest to handle was the loss of Megan and Jennifer. I knew the truth, that it was the peer pressure that made them end our friendship. I really couldn’t blame them, hanging around me would have been social suicide.

The two of them did try to be nice about it and they felt they had plenty of reasons. We were teenagers now, and they were dating. They felt that it wasn’t healthy for a boy to only be friends with girls. The truth was much different. Just like Megan and Jennifer, I had also begun to enter puberty. Unlike the both of them, however, I found myself attracted to my own gender. Of all the people I could fall for, it turned out I was attracted to Scotty. It was a confusing time for me, and I was full of self hatred.

Over time though, the more that I thought about being gay, the less sense it made, I was a guy and the thought of being with another guy felt somewhat dirty. I knew deep down that there was some kind of attraction. Then one day I was watching a television show, and of all things, it was the Jerry Springer show. They had transvestites and transsexuals on this episode of the show. Of course, it was really hard to take it seriously, considering everyone was sleeping with everyone else.

It was just entertainment but it made me think. I went online and checked out a few websites. I found one that had real information. There were also stories on the site that were writing about the troubles that many of them had, and as I read more, I started seeing myself in the stories.

I came to the conclusion fast that I was not gay nor was I a transvestite. The few times that I had experimented, dressing in my mothers clothes, I had felt no sexual arousement of any kind. When I thought back through my memories, I could finally see just how messed up I was.

Deep down I had never really been a boy. Okay, maybe physically I was, but emotionally I had always been a girl. As I read further, I started to realize just how hard my life was going to be, I was already dealing with the depression and thoughts of suicide because I just couldn’t see any other solution that would end my pain.

After I realized that I was transgendered, my life didn’t get any better. I became more depressed, because I couldn’t be the person that I wanted to be. The depression was made worse because I still had to deal with my home life and the insanity of high school. The worst part of it was that summer was coming in a couple of months. My dad, in one of his drunken brainstorms, came up with a new idea of how he could make a man out of me and had signed me up for a military style boot camp.

I really lost it with him, and told him that I was not going and that I was done with sports and everything else,including his workouts. Dad completely exploded. He started calling me a good for nothing faggot, then in a fit of rage punched me. I went flying into the end table, and hit my head hard. The impact had knocked me out. When I came around, mom had a cold pack on my face and dad was no where to be seen. I knew that I should have called the police but I was scared.

When he did come back he said that he was sorry, and that it was the booze that made him loose control, he said that he would stop drinking and he did for about a week. During that time he was moody all the time, and it was like walking on egg shells. I would like to say that was the last time that he hit me, but it wasn’t. The beatings continued, as did the mental abuse.

I felt so alone and even picked up the phone a few times to call Megan or Jennifer but never let it ring through. The next morning I woke up and I just didn’t feel right, I remember getting ready for school and after going down stairs, dad was in a rage and was going on about how the little faggot had taken his money. The little faggot that he was referring to was me, and I had not been near his wallet but I could tell just from one look at him that I was in trouble.

The moment that be saw me, he started yelling at me, demanding that I hand over his money. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t the one that took it. It wouldn’t make a difference to him, no matter what I said. When he started coming toward me, I knew that there was nothing that I could say or do and just braced myself for the attack, but it didn’t happen. Mom had stepped in between us, and she told him that I didn’t have the money and it was in her purse where it had been since he gave it to her last night.

He just grabbed the money and left. I was pretty much at the end of my rope and couldn’t take anymore. I went into the bathroom, locked the door behind me and started crying. I just couldn’t take it anymore I opened the medicine cabinet and took out a bottle of mom’s sleeping pills and put them in my jacket pocket, then sat down and tried to steady my nerves before I had to leave for school.

After a while I was able to get my emotions under control enough and went over to the mirror. I saw that my eyes were blood shot from crying I tried rinsing them out with cold water and that did help some and as I left the bathroom and could hear mom crying in the kitchen.
While I walked I thought about what I was about to do. It took me close to 15 minutes to make it to school, normally I would have gone straight to home room but I had other plans in mind today and made my way to the gym. It was a fitting place for years it had caused me so much grief now it would bring me peace.

The gym would be empty till second period I would have plenty of time. I made my way inside and worked my way behind the bleacher until I was against the wall and took a seat on the floor. I thought about what I was about to do as I felt the tears start running down my face again and just said two words’ “Fuck it” then swallowed the contents of the bottle.

As I lay there, I thought that if there was a GGGGod, maybe he would take pity on me and give me another chance and just maybe I would be normal. I could feel the pills kicking in and took out my note book and wrote a letter to my parents then sat it down next to me as then I passed out hoping never to wake up.

Dear Mom and Dad,
I am sorry that I couldn’t be the person that you wanted me to be, believe me I have tried but the more that I try the worse I feel inside. I am tired of fighting with you and everyone else including myself, I can’t keep on living a lie but I can’t be the person that I need to be maybe if there is a god, you will be giving a real son and I will be giving a chance to live the life that I should have.

Dad I don’t blame you for what you have done, I know you were doing it for my own good, at least that is the way you saw it. I just wish that you could have accepted me for the person I was and not the person you wanted me to be.

Mom I love you and I know that you have suffered as much as I have with the beatings and I am sorry, part of me feels responsible for that because most of it was directed at me, but now that I am gone maybe things for you will be better.

Anyway I am getting sleepy; I am sorry that I could not make you both happy but I did love you both and hope you find happiness.

Andrew

Megan was on her way to the gym. It was second period and they were playing soccer outside today, provided that the weather held up. It was looking pretty cloudy, and they were calling for a thunder storm later in the day. On the way to the gym she met up with Amy and Brenda and the three of them continued on to the gym.

“So are you going to be able to make the game later Amy?” asked Megan

“Yeah mom said it was alright, I just wish that I could have made the cheerleading team”

“There is always next year”, Brenda said with a smile.

Everyone felt bad for Amy; she would have been a great addition to the team, but because she had moved here in the middle of the school year, she wasn’t allowed to join a team. She still showed up for most of the games just to be there with her friends and support the team.

 

 

After everyone changed, they gathered inside the gym. Mrs. Anderson was already waiting and after everyone settled down, she looked around and saw that everyone was there.

“Alright girls, I don’t know how long the weather is going to hold out, but we are going to take the game outside. If the weather gets worse then we will have to come inside. Everyone, please grab something and meet me on the field.”

Megan grabbed the bag with the balls while Amy and Brenda took one of the nets outside. Once they had everything setup they started the game. They played for about a half hour before the lightning started, followed by the thunder. They continued the game until it started to lightly rain, then Mrs. Anderson told everyone that they were going to continue inside. They packed everything up again and carried it inside and continued the game with about 10 minutes left in the game.

Megan managed to steal the ball from Brenda but only ended up losing it when another girl tried to take it and the ball went flying behind the bleachers. Rather then stopping to retrieve the ball, they just used another one and continued the game. Mrs. Anderson called an end to the game, and Megan headed behind the bleachers to retrieve the lost ball, when she made a startling discovery.

 

 

At first she didn’t know who it was that was laying on the floor, but as she got closer she was able to see that it was Andrew.

“Andrew, are you all right?” She asked, as she got closer. There was no response.

Megan moved close and tried shaking him, but when she did the empty bottle of pill fell out of his hand. Fearing the worse she tried shaking him harder and yelling for him to wake up, but nothing happened. Megan checked his pulse, and she was able to find it but could tell that it was very weak. Megan turned and screamed for help.

Mrs. Anderson came running when she heard Megan scream for help. Soon she was at Megan’s side. She recognized the boy immediately. Megan handed her the empty bottle, she looked at it then yelled for someone to get to a phone and call 911 for help. She then checked Andrew again and shook him. Like Megan she receive no response. She then tried to check the child’s pulse and found that there was none. She started doing CPR on the child.

Megan was scared to death and blamed herself. She had known that something was wrong; she also knew that Andrew had tried calling her because his number was on her phone’s display. Why didn’t she call him back she thought to herself.

Megan broke down crying as she watched Mrs. Anderson trying to revive her friend and prayed that he would be alright. Eventually they were able to get his heart started again, and right about that time they could hear the ambulance siren getting closer to the school.

The whole time that Mrs. Anderson worked on Andrew, Megan held his hand and told him everything was going to be alright. It was at that moment she decided that being popular with the other kids really wasn’t that important. When she looked at Andrew she knew that whatever happened to lead him to this place might not have happen had she been available but she was going to make the time now if he would let her.

 

 

When the ambulance arrived, word had already started getting around the school that Andrew had tried taking his own life. As he was being wheeled out on a stretcher, Megan refuse to let go of him and eventually Mrs. Anderson said that Megan could go with him to the hospital and that she would call Megan’s parents and let her know that their daughter was at the hospital with a friend.

The ride to the hospital was a hectic one. Along the way the monitor that was keeping track of Andrews pulse stopped. They had to use the Defibrillator to restart his heart again. Megan was afraid that she was going to watch him die right in front of her. Once the ambulance pulled into the hospital the doctors were ready and waiting. They took him into Emergency immediately. The nurse asked Megan some questions.

 

 

Megan was able to give them his full name and the empty bottle of pills that she had found next to Andrew. She was then told to take a seat while they worked on Andrew. While she waited her phone went off. She saw that it was it was Jennifer calling.

“Hi Jennifer, I guess you heard?”

“It’s all over the school, how is he doing?” She asked, anxiously.

“He is not doing well, Jennifer. We almost lost him on the drive to the hospital”

“I never thought that Andrew would do anything like this”

“It was a complete shock to me too, Jennifer. I guess I knew things were bad but not like this.”

“You know that this might not have happened if we had been there Megan. I feel so guilty.”

“I have been thinking the same thing, Jennifer. I am not going to walk away again, even if it costs me all my friends, he needs us more then they do Jennifer.”

“You’re right Megan, whatever it takes, you can count on me.”

“Thanks, Jennifer. I better let you go for now, I expect mom too be calling soon.”

“Alright Megan. Give me a call later and let me know what’s going on.”

“Sure Jennifer, talk to you later”, I said as I ended the call.

 

 

Megan waited for what seemed like forever and not knowing anything was driving her crazy. She was about to get up and go over to the nursing station when she seen her mom getting off the elevator. When she seen her mom she ran over to her.

Janice took her daughter into her arms and held her, then after there embrace she took Megan’s hand and led her over to the waiting room and took a seat beside Megan.

“The waiting is driving me crazy! Mom, you’re a doctor will they talk to you?”

“Sorry honey, its hospital policy the only people they will talk to are family members.” She said. “I do know what they are doing honey, when a patient comes in from overdosing they have to pump his stomach to get rid of the pills that are still in his system, they will then monitor him for awhile and once he is stable they will have someone from Psychiatry talk to him.

Once that is done they admit him and depending on the patient he could be here for up to 6 months. I have seen patients that have had to stay longer then that too.”

Megan looked over at her mother, “6 months! Isn’t that an awfully long time?”

“Yes honey, it is. The stay is usually determined by the patient’s needs. I don’t know if Andrew will let the doctors help him. Andrew has major trust issues and until those are addressed then I am afraid there is not a lot that anyone can do for him.”

Megan looked over at her mother, “He trusts you, mom.”

“I’m retired, honey. I am not really equipped to deal with this. Andrew will need around the clock care for a while, otherwise he might try hurting himself again.”

“Please mom! I know that you can help him, and I know that Daddy would help, too. Jennifer already said she would do whatever she could to help, and I will too.”

“Honey, your father and I will have to talk about it, and Andrew’s parents would have to agree.”

“Thanks mom, I know it’s a lot to ask but I know if anyone can help him it’s you.”

Inside of the emergency room there was another problem altogether Dr. Masters made a shocking discovery once he had a chance to have a good look at his patient, he realized that he was dealing with much more then just a suicide attempt. There were clear signs of child abuse, the child was covered in bruises. He turned to Nancy, the RN that had been assigned to work with him and said,” I guess we know part of the reason the child tried to end his life”

Nancy looked really angry. “The poor child, I hope they throw the book at his parents.”

Dr. Masters walked over to the phone and dialed the number for Child Protective Services and waited till a worker came on the line. Eventually a worker came on the phone,” Child Protective Services, Karen Evans, speaking, how can I help you.”

“Hi Karen, my name is John Masters, I am a doctor at the Toronto General Hospital. I have a patient that came into emergency this morning after a suicide attempt. While treating him, we discovered that there are signs of suspected child abuse.

The child’s name is Andrew James Steeves. We have been trying to contact his parents all morning, but there has been no answer at his home.”

Karen began the paperwork on her computer. “I will contact the police immediately. Someone will be there to take a statement from you. Make sure that the child has no contact with his parents until we can make sure that this is a case of child abuse and not something else.”

“Alright Karen, I will have someone from security remain outside his door. When he was brought in, he was accompanied by a young girl with him. Should I have her stick around to talk to the police too?”

“She might be able to answer some questions. Is there a place you can take her so that Andrew’s parents won’t see her?”

“I will have her moved to the doctor’s lounge. Its private and the only ones that have access to it are other doctors.”

“All right, Doctor Masters. that should work. Please keep me informed on the child’s status.”

“Thanks, Karen,” Dr. Masters said, as he ended the call.”

 

 

After Dr. Masters ended the call, he called for security, then headed over to the nursing station and looked at Andrew’s chart. He found the name of the girl that had come in with him. Her name was Megan Roberts, he read as he headed over to the waiting room. As he went inside he was surprised to see a familiar face.

“Janice it’s been alone time, I take it that this little beauty is your daughter”

Janice smiled, “It’s been along time, John. How’s the family?”

“Everyone is great Janice; I am surprised to see you here though.”

“Megan and Andrew have been friends for years; it’s a shame that our reunion has to take place over such grim circumstances.”

“I hate to be all business but I really need to talk to you and your daughter about Andrew”, asked John

“Sure John is there somewhere you have in mind?”

John looked over at Janice and then Megan, “How about the three of us head over to the doctor’s lounge what I need to tell you I can’t really speak out here.”

 

 
After a short walk Janice and Megan found themselves in the doctor’s lounge and John told them to have a seat then took one himself.

He then looked over at Megan then Janice, “I wouldn’t normally be talking to you about this but the police are going to be here shortly to take a statement from me and they will also want to talk to Megan.”

“Let me take a guess, you suspect child abuse”, Janice said with showing her discuss.

“Yes the child has bruises all over him and from what I can tell, this has been going on for some time now.”

Megan looked over at the both of them, “I knew he was having a hard time with his parents but he never said a word to me about it being this bad.”

“It doesn’t really matter now, Megan. What is important is finding a way to help Andrew get though this”, Janice said as she put her arm around Megan.

Janice looked over at Dr. Masters, “I am thinking that there maybe other issues that are going to need to be resolved first and they may have played a part in the abuse and the suicide attempt.”

“What do you think the problem is Janice?” asked John.

“I think that it is possible that Andrew may be a transgendered. I have noticed things over the years that he seemed to be taking on female characteristics rather then male.”

John thought for a minute,” If that is the case then it is not going to be easy on him”

Megan looked over at her mother,” What is Transgendered?”

Janice looked over at her daughter, “Andrew my have been born a male physically, but mentally he could be as much a girl as you and I are.”

Megan looked over at her mother,” That would explain a lot mom, whenever we would hang out together it was like he was one of the girls.”

“The question is, will he admit to being transgendered?” asked John.

“I really don’t think so John, Andrew has been in hiding for along time and because of his relationships there are bound to be trust issues. I don’t thing he is going to talk to anyone till he feels that he can trust them and they are going too really support him.”

John looked over at Janice, “If you are right then he maybe here along time Janice, I don’t feel that releasing him is a good idea, next time we might not be lucky enough to get to him on time”

“You really think that he will try this again” asked Megan

“He has to find away to deal with being transgendered, otherwise it’s only a matter of time before he tries again.” John said sadly

John looked over at Janice, “I really hate to ask you, because I know that you are retired, but you maybe the solution to our problem, Andrew needs someone he trusts and right now there may be only one person that he will open up to and I think we both know who that person is, Janice.”

“Megan and I have already talked about it, and I am willing to take him on as a patient but I left my practice because I wanted to raise a family, so this is something I will have to talk to Steve about first and even if I did take him on I really don’t think the hospital is where Andrew needs to be. He needs to be somewhere that he can feel comfortable and cared for. If I could become his legal guardian, he would be coming home with me while he is under my care.”

 

 
It was around 3 pm when Sarah had returned home from visiting her sisters. Jake still hadn’t returned home from whatever rock he was hiding under and as she was coming into the living room she could hear the answering machine beeping which indicated that there was a message waiting so she walked over and hit the play button thinking it was most likely Jake that had called. To her surprise, it was the hospital and they were calling about Andrew. She thought that he must have been in another fight and ended up getting hurt but the message sounded pretty urgent. So she called the hospital and asked for Dr. Masters.

It took a few minutes before Dr. Masters came on the phone,” Hello, this is Dr. Masters. How may I help you?” He asked.

“Hello Dr. Masters, this is Sarah Roberts calling. I just got in and was checking my messages. How is my son doing?”

“Your son is doing fine at this time, Mrs. Roberts. A report has been filed with Child Protective Services, so I’m prevented from discussing it. It would best if you and husband speak with them, before you do anything else. I’m afraid the hospital will not allow you contact with your son until this matter is resolved.”

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 2

By, Cain129

Synopsis:    After being found by Megan at school after his failed suicide attempt Andrew is admitted to the hospital. At first the doctor thinks that he is only dealing with a suicide victim but soon discovers that Andrew is also a victim of child abuse.

  

Chapter Three

Sarah Roberts is a complete mess as she gets off the phone with Dr. Masters. Her son was in the hospital and they wouldn’t even give her an update on his status.   She knew this day would likely come but deep down never accepted it.   Jake was hard on Andrew she knew this but she also understood why. The child was weak minded compared to other boys and acted more like a daughter then a son.  

  

What Jake did had to be done and there was nothing wrong with disciplining your child. Granted, sometimes Jake took it a little too far, but what he done had been out of love for Andrew. Now, because of the stupid laws that took parents rights away, kids were becoming completely out of control.   Sarah was really angry as she went though all the other messages on her phone there was one from the principal at school. It said that Andrew had tried to take his own life and was taken to the hospital.

  

Sarah just shook her head. “Just great. I bet everyone in town knows now.”

  

She then grabbed the phone and dialed Frank’s cell phone. She made her way into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine from inside the fridge, then sat down and poured herself a glass and waited for Jake to answer.   It took a few minutes before Jake answered the phone, and from the sound of his voice and the noise in the background Sarah knew that he was still at the tavern.

“Yeah Sarah, what do you want?”  he replied,

  

“Jake I just got home there was a message waiting Andrew is in the hospital”

“What did the little bastard do now, and what’s it going to cost us?” Jake growled.

  

“He tried to kill himself and honey the police are involved,” Sarah said sadly

  

“I will be home in ten minutes Sarah, and then we’re going to the hospital and getting  our  son!” Jake said hanging up the phone and storming out of the bar.

  

  

  

[-][+][-]

  

Meanwhile, back at the hospital there is a knock on the door of the doctor’s lounge.   John got up to answer the door and found Nancy standing there, along with a police officer.

  

“John, this is Detective Johnston, he is here to take your statement.” The two of them came inside and took a seat.

  

Detective Johnston put out his hand to introduce himself. “Just call me Mason there is no reason for us to be so formal.”

“All right, Mason, My name is John Masters. I am the doctor that is taking care of Andrew Roberts, and this Megan, she is a friend of Andrews and also the one that found him. I’d also like to introduce you to Janice Tanner, who is Megan’s mother

  

“It’s nice to meet all of you”He said, then turned to John and said, “I think that we will start with your statement first then I will move on to Megan’s”

John began. “I guess the best place to start is that Andrew was admitted after a failed suicide attempt. While I was examining him, I discovered that the child was covered in bruises. Some were old, but others looked fairly recent. It was at that point that I filed the child abuse report with Child Protective Services.”

“What made you believe that it was child abuse?”asked the detective.

John thought for a minute. “The sizes of the bruises indicate that they were done by an adult that was pretty tall and muscular.”

Mason turned to Megan, “How long have Andrew and you been friends Megan?”

“I have known Andrew since we started school together.”

“Has Andrew ever talked to you about his home life?” asked Mason.

  

“Andrew and I haven’t really been talking for awhile.” She said. “When the two of us last spoke, he had said that he was having trouble at home with his parents.”

  

“Can you be more specific Megan?” Mason asked, writing in his pad.

  

“Andrew used to say that his father was really into football when he was Andrew’s age, and he wants Andrew to play as well. That’s not what Andrew wants, he hates sports. His father doesn’t seem to care, and has been making him work out. Every year, he makes him tryout for the team but he is too small, and the other boys would kill him.”

  

“I also have this, too,” Megan said, taking a notepad out of her purse. “Inside is a letter to his parents that explains why he tried to take his life. With everything going on, I just haven’t had a chance to give it to anyone.”

  

Mason reached over and took the notepad. With Dr, Master’s approval, he walked over to the photocopier and made copies of the pages, then handed back the original and but the copy in a folder.

  

“I’ll have you hang onto the original for now because Children’s Services will most likely want to see it. ” Mason told her. “Thank you for saving it.”

  

[-][+][-]

  

Mason was looking over everything he had written. He turned to Megan and asked her, “Have you ever seen bruises on Andrew before today?”

“Yes but I never really thought much about it. There is always some bully at school that wants to use him as a punching bag.” She said sadly.

  

Mason looked a little angry, “It sounds like Andrew has had a rough time, both athome and at school.” Mason felt for the child, as he knew what it was like. He had been a small kid as well, and had his own childhood demons.

  

After he finished writing everything down, he turned to John. “When do you think it would be a good time for me to come in and talk to Andrew?”

John thought for a second. “I would wait until he recovers from the pills that he has taken. They may still be in his system and I think that he should be fully conscious before he is able to give you a full statement.”

  

While they were finishing up, something was going on at the nursing station, there was a lot of yelling, and John got up look out the door. A couple was arguing with the nurse, and the man was demanding to see his son. The nurse was refusing to let him anywhere near the child. Mason came over and joined John by the window, then said “Letme guess, these are Andrew’s parents.”

“Yes, I believe you are correct,” John said with a frown.

  

Within seconds there was a security guard there trying to calm down Jake Roberts. Jake was definitely drunk and very defiant. There is no use trying to talk to a drunk. Within a minute a fight broke out between the security guard and Jake Roberts and even in his present state Jake was more then a match for the security guard, having had years of military training. If the guard was not careful, Jake could kill him.

  

Mason called for assistance and ran over to help the security guard, but by the time he reached them the guard was already lying on the floor and Mason was forced to fight off Jake himself.

  

The whole time that they were fighting, Sarah kept telling Jake to stop, but he was not listening to her at all.

  

Mason was no slouch, and was pretty much able to hold his own for the most part. Still, he needed help to finish things and bring the drunk under control. When another couple of security guards arrived, they were finally able to take Jake down long enough for Mason to use his handcuffs and take Jake into custody.

  

Mason then turned to Sarah,” My next stop would have been your home but it looks like the three of us will have our talk at the station, it’s your choice you can come on your own or I can take you in the same way as your husband.”

“I will come along peacefully,”Sarah said with tears running down her face.

  

The whole time this was going on Megan and her mother watched from the safety of the doctor’s lounge. Neither one of them wanted to risk being seen by Jake or Sarah. John had quickly run over to attend to the security guard who had been hurt in the fight with Jake Roberts.

  

[-][+][-]

  

Chapter Four

  

The ride home seemed to take forever for Megan it had been a hard day for her. She never thought that she would ever witness anything like she had today. Seeing the fight between Jake Roberts had scared her, and made her wonder how Andrew had been able to cope as well as he had, considering what his home life must have been like. Up till now she had thought the only real problems a teenager had were deciding what to wear, or who she should date. After today she knew that life was not so black and white.

  

“Penny for your thoughts honey”, asked Janice

  

“I was just thinking about Andrew, mom. I never realized how hard he had it.”

Janice frowned,“He has been through more then most people can handle honey”

  

“I wish that I had known that before, Mom. I could have been there for him.”

“Well Megan we all make mistakes. I was once your age too, and believe me honey, I made plenty! I learned from them though, and so will you. If you really care for Andrew, then be the friend that he needs, baby.” Janice said with a smile

  

“Mom, are you going to become Andrew’s doctor?”

  

“I think so. After everything that I have seen today, I don’t think that I can walk away.”

  

“What about Dad?”

  

“He will be alright with it too, Megan, once we explain what happened, honey.”

“Thanks, mom”

“I appreciate it, but I am not doing it for you, honey, I am doing it for Andrew.”

  

[-][+][-]

  

After arriving home, they checked the answering machine. It was full of messages from the kids at school. Most of them were looking for the latest gossip, which unfortunately was about Andrew’s suicide attempt. For most of them, she just hit the erase button. She came to one from Jennifer, so she picked up the phone, took a seat on the couch and dialed Jennifer’s number.

  

“Hi Jennifer, it’s me.”

  

“Hi Megan, how did everything go?”

  

“Not very good sis, it was terrible,” She cried.

  

“Is Andrew all right?” asked Jennifer, sounding really worried.

  

“Sorry Jennifer, Yes, Andrew’s going to be fine. It’s just that the doctor found bruises all over him and the police were there and when Andrew’s parents arrived there was a big fight between Andrew’s father and the police. It was really scary. Andrew was abused for a long time, but he was too scared to say anything,”Megan said in frustration.

  

“Damn, Megan, what is going to happen now?” asked Jennifer

  

“Mom is going to take care of him, he needs people that he can trust and right now that is a very short list of people.”

  

“Is there anything that I can do to help?” sheasked. “Maybe, Jennifer. It looks like he will be staying here for awhile, once he is out of the hospital”

“Whatever you need me to do Megan, count me in”

  

“Jennifer, you know how the kids at school are, they won’t understand”

  

“I know, Megan, but there are some things more important than being popular.”

  

“You don’t know how happy it makes me feel to hear you say that, Jennifer.”

  

“I got to run, Megan, my mom wants help with supper. I will call you later, love you.”

  

“Love you too Jennifer, Talk to you later, bye”

  

[-][+][-]

  

After ending the call with Jennifer I joined mom in the kitchen, she was busy peeling potatoes, “Is there anything that I can do to help, Mom?”

  

She looked over at me. “There is chicken in the fridge, and shake and bake in the cabinet, honey.”

  

About a half hour late, Anthony Tanner arrived home from work. He’d had a long day and couldn’t wait for his supper, but he could tell immediately that something was wrong. He could read his family like a book and once they were all seated at the table, Janice told him everything that had happened. Anthony was not a very emotional kind of guy, nor was he the violent type.   After hearing what had happened to Andrew though, he wanted nothing more than to find Jake and beat the pulp out of him.

  

Anthony looked at his wife and then his daughter, “Andrew is welcome here, no matter how long it takes.”

“Honey, if Andrew is going to live here, you need to know everything.” Janice told him.

  

“What do I need to know other than that the child was abused Janice?” asked Anthony.

  

“Andrew may be a transsexual, and if he is, then he needs to be treated.”

  

“If the child didn’t already have a hard enough time, he has to deal with this too?” Anthony said with a frown.

  

“Are you alright with that, honey?” asked Janice

  

“If being a girl is makes Andrew happy, then I am fine with it.” Anthony said.

  

With everyone in agreement, a plan was made. Andrew would have somewhere safe to call home and there would be people there that were willing to help him.   There was only one other problem that needed to be solved. Would Andrew be willing to accept their help? Only time would tell.

  

  

  

End of part two

To be continued in part three

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 3

By, Cain129

Synopsis:    Andrew is recovering from a failed suicide attempt, while in the hospital the truth starts to come forth of why he tried to take his own life. Andrew is not your normal teenager and doesn’t have the same problems as most kids his age. Andrew is a transsexual and also a victim of child abuse but there is hope thanks to the people that are in his life and a plan has been put into motion to help him but the question is will Andrew accept the help.

  

Chapter Four

Friends and Enemies

  

After spending the night locked up at the police station, Jake Roberts is finally released and allowed to go home. Once again he had found himself behind bars. It was a place that he had told himself that he would never return too. Sarah had been released hours ago and had taken the car.

  

Jake had no choice but to take a cab home, but home wasn’t the place that he was going. He hailed a cab and told the driver to take him to James’ Gate, which was a tavern that he spent most of his time at. After last night, he needed to have a drink to calm his nerves.

  

An hour after he had arrived and had a few beers in him, he was still fuming with anger toward Andrew. It was his fault. If he hadn’t tried to take his own life, none of this would have happened. The child was weak! Jake made up his mind, somehow he would find away to get to him, and keep him quiet. He was not going to jail. All he was trying to do was make a man out of his son, and what did he get for it?

  

Jake downed another bottle and ordered another one. He was not going home, anyway. The last thing he wanted to hear was his stupid wife saying ‘I told you so.’ Jake had other plans and it was better that Sarah didn’t know.

  

  

[-][+][-]

  

Megan was glad to be home from school, as she and Jennifer flopped down on Megan’s bed. It had been a rough day for the both of them. There were some kids at school that were really interested in Andrew’s condition, but then there were the others. They seemed me be more interested in bashing him, saying that only a coward would take their own life. It made both Jennifer and Megan sick. These people had their heads so far up there ass that with a light they could see their own tonsils.

  

Megan looked over at Jennifer, “You know when Andrew does go back to school it’s not going to be easy for him. The other kids will see to that.”

  

“It might best for Andrew if he changes schools.” Jennifer said sadly.

  

“You might be right, Jen. At least he would be starting with a clean slate.”

  

“Do you have any idea what we can do to help him Megan?” asked Jennifer,

  

“I really don’t know what to tell you Jennifer. The problem is that there was so much going on in his life that neither of us knew about. The only thing I have of his is his notebook and I took a look at it last night, I think it’s more of a journal then a notebook, but I didn’t feel that it would be right reading it. because it’s private.

  

“I guess that you’re right, Megan, but if we can us it to help him, then would it be sobad if we read it?” Jennifer asked as she frowned, thoughtfully.

  

Megan thought about it, then walked over to her knapsack and took it out and handed it over to Jennifer.   Jennifer opened it up, as Megan joined her on the bed and started reading from the date the journal began. Most of it was pretty much stuff the two of them already knew about. As they read through it, they both started to understand that frustration was a normal part of Andrew’s life.

  

The journal chronicled the years of mental and physical abused that Andrew suffered at the hands of his family, and the struggles that he had to deal with at school. The hardest part though, was when it came to the entries that he wrote about the friendship that he had shared with the both of them, and the effect that followed when they ended the friendship.

  

Andrew felt alone and abandoned, and blamed himself, If he was different then maybe the friendship wouldn’t have ended. He wished more then anything that he had been born a girl and hated everything about his life and even hated himself. Throughout the journal he spoke of ending his life and how many times that he had even planned it out.   Until recently, something had made him hold on, but whatever that reason was, it was gone now.   He had finally made an attempt to take his own life and given a chance, they were afraid that he would try again.

  

[-][+][-]

  

Jennifer closed the journal. She had tears in her eyes and when she looked over at Megan, she realized that she was not the only one that had been crying.   They both knew why Andrew had given up on life, under the same conditions it could have been either one of them.

  

Neither one knew what to say, they were both in shock. It was Jennifer that spoke up first. “Iwish that I never read that. It was better, not knowing.”

  

“I know Jennifer, it hurts me too, but we didn’t know it was that bad”Megan said as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

  

“I guess we know what needs to be done now.” Jennifer said.

  

“Yeah, Jennifer we do.”  Megan agreed, and reached over to give her friend a hug.

  

”We’ll do it together.” Jennifer said returning the hug.

  

  

[-][+][-]

  

Chapter Five

Andrew awakens

God, my head hurts. I slowly open my eyes and everything is a blur, but slowly my eyes start to come into focus and I am able to see my surroundings and realize that I am in the hospital. I discover that I am strapped to the bed and unable to do anything.   The pain that I feel inside is still there, why couldn’t they just let me go? I don’t want to be here. I just can’t help it, I find myself crying like a baby and hating myself for not being stronger.

  

  

[-][+][-]

  

  

Sitting at the nursing station is Amy, as she is working, she notices activity on Andrew’s monitors and sees that he is awake and goes over to check on him.   When she gets closer to his room she hears the sound of his crying. As she enters, she can see he is struggling with his bindings, which for the most part was a waste of time. She knew very well that there was no way to get out of them without someone helping and that wasn’t going to happen yet.

  

“I see you’re awake finally.” Amy said, startling the boy as she enters the room.

  

“Hi Andrew, I am Amy and I am your nurse, Can I get you anything?”

                                                                                        

“You could take these off,” I said, referring to the restraints

  

“Sorry honey, I can’t do that until your doctor says it’s alright.”

“You know these are useless”,I said, angrily.“When I am out of here I will try again and next time I will get it right”

“Maybe you will, and maybe you won’t. Andrew, that is up to you.”

  

“You have no idea what it’s like for me! Why do you even care, nobody else does.”

  

“Maybe I don’t know what its like to be you, Andrew, but let me take a guess. Right now you are pissed off at yourself for being caught, and you took those pills because you were tired of everything. You hate yourself, because nothing seems to make you happy and you feel that no one understands you?   Am I getting close yet, or should I continue?”

I looked over at Amy, everything she said was exactly how I was felt inside.   It really pissed me off that she could read me so well, “How do you know all this?”

  

Amy looked over at me. “You are not the only one that has tried to taketheir own life, honey.”

She then unbuttoned the sleeves to her shirt and showed me her wrists. There were scars across both wrists.

  

I looked over at her wrists, surprised.” I guess you do know how I feel.”

“Maybe not everything, but enough that I can understand how you are feeling”, Amy said with a smile.

  

“I am not saying that what you went through wasn’t as bad, Amy. I am differentthan you are, and there is nothing anyone can do to make my life better.” I said in frustration.

  

“Andrew you don’t know that, things change and so can people. I did.” Amy said with a smile.

  

“It’s impossible. I have tried but nothing works and God, I am so tired of fighting everything and everyone. I just want to be at peace, I am so tired of hiding!” I said as my emotions started to take over. I couldn’t help but start crying.

  

Amy looked at me for a minute, I could see that she was thinking, “Andrew there is nothing wrong with being gay, if that is the problem. You just need to accept who you are and stop fighting it! Believe me, I understand! I fought for years, but all fighting ever did was cause me to do something stupid. After I embraced who I was, my life got better. The same can be true for you too, Andrew.”

  

I looked over at her, and couldn’t help but laugh “I’m sorry Amy, but I’m not gay. If that was the case, I could accept it and move on, but all you had to accept was the fact that you are attracted to the same sex.”

  

I thought about it for a minute then figured maybe if anyone would understand me, Amy could. I looked over at her. “Amy, the reason that I am here is that I wasborn a boy, and I guess I look like a boy, but inside I am a girl, and I always have been! The thought of spending my life stuck like this is unbearable.”

  

There, I said it finally,  I thought to myself and it actually felt good. It was like a weight was lifted.

  

Amy looked over at me and smiled, “Honey if you want to be a girl then there are things that you can do about it, and there is help available to you.”

  

“It’s impossible my parents would never agree”, I said sadly

  

“If your parents don’t agree, then to hell with them! Andrew, this is  your  life we’re talking about.”

  

“When I came out of the closet, my parents didn’t approve of me, either. They disowned me, because in their words. ‘I was a disgrace against God’s plan’. I know that there is a God, and no matter what they say, He loves me! He put the right people in my life when I needed them the most, otherwise I would be dead right now.   I think the same is true for you, Andrew.”

I thought about what she said, andshe was right. Maybe there was hope for me after all, but it was up to me to make the right choices. Up to now I had been trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations and only ended up hurting myself. Maybe it was time I stopped living for everyone else, and started living for myself.

  

“Listen Andrew I have to get going but I will drop back later if you want to continue our talk”, Amy said with a smile.

  

I looked over at Amy, “Thank Amy, I know that it’s not your job to talk to me like this.”

  

Andrew, let’s just keep what was said between there two of us, “I don’t mind talking about my life to you, but I really don’t want everyone knowing.” Amy said as she left.

  

Chapter Six

Actions and consequences

The hospital can be a lonely place for anyone, but when you are tied down to a bed there really isn’t much you can do, other than sleep or debate the meaning of life. As for myself I choose sleep, considering I probably still had some of the sleeping pills running through my system, it really didn’t give me much of a choice. The talk that I had with Amy had really helped. Up till now, I had been alone with my thoughts and afraid to voice what was really bothering me.

  

I don’t know how long that I had slept but I was awoken when a man in a white jacket came into my room. I was still half asleep so his entrance had scared me at first.   He had a chart in his hand as he approached my bed.

  

I assumed that he was my doctor. Once he was next to my bed, he smiled.

  

“Hi Andrew, I’m Dr. John Masters, and I’ll be your doctor while you are with us. You gave us all a good scare yesterday, how are you feeling this morning?”

  

“Tired, but alright I guess.”I said as he was looking in his chart

  

“I had a talk with Amy earlier, and she told me some things about you. I want you to understand that I am not here to judge you; my job is to take care of your medical needs. Since you are here already, I’d like you to talk to a doctor that I know, her job is to help people like yourself decide which path seems right to take. If it is your choice to become a girl, then she can help you achieve that. How do you feel about seeing her?”

  

I thought about what he had just said to me. I wanted more than anything to finally be a whole person inside, and I knew that if it was possible I would do anything, I broke down and cried.“Yes, please! I can’t stand my life, and I would rather die then be forced to live like this.”

  

“All right, Andrew. She will be in to see you this afternoon. If you promise me that you won’t try to hurt yourself, I will tell the nurse to remove your bonds but if you don’t behave they will be put back on, do you understand me, Andrew?”

  

“I promise that will behave, if what you said is true then I have no reason to.”

  

“It’s true Andrew, but you will need to be patient this kind of thing takes time.” Dr. John said, and then left me to think about what he had just told me.

  

It was around three in the afternoon when I heard a knock on my door and I was pretty surprised to see Megan’s mother, Janice come through the door. I looked over at her and she smiled and said, “How are you doing Andrew?”

  

“I felt a little embarrassed having her visit me where that she knew what I had done.”Why are you here Janice?” I asked

  

“Well Andrew someone that I cared about needed help”. Janice said with a smile

  

I couldn’t help it as the tears started to flow, it had been awhile since I had felt wanted. I looked over at her as she sat down on the bed next to me. I really didn’t know what to say. I finally told her how embarrassed I felt with her knowing what I did.

  

“Andrew, you’re not the first kid to be overwhelmed and do something silly. You have more than enough reasons that drove you to this. I know about the abuse and I knew for years that you were most likely a transsexual, Andrew. The two of us are going to work through all this together, all right?”  

  

Janice then reached over and gave me a hug and said everything was going to be alright, and I actually started believing her.

  

“My parents, they are not going to be happy with any of this, especially my dad”

  

“Andrew, there really isn’t much your parents can do about anything. The moment he laid a hand on you, he lost that right, and when this goes to court he will likely end up in jail.” Janice said sadly

  

“What about my mom, she didn’t do anything wrong?”

  

“You’re right Andrew, she didn’t do anything. If you were my son and your dad was beating you, I would have packed up our bags and moved out. A mother protects her child, she doesn’t let them be abused, I really don’t know much about your mother, but I suspect that she came from an abusive home herself.

  

In the meanwhile Andrew, you will be coming home with me, once they release you.   You will be part of our family, until we can figure out what is best for you.”

  

“What about Megan? Does she want me there?”

  

“Megan was the one that found you, Andrew. She spent most of yesterday here in the hospital, worrying about you. It was her idea that I become your doctor. So yes, she wants you to come home with us. “

I was a little shocked that she was spent all of yesterday with me, and then I thought about how it must have felt for her finding me and watching me dying. It must have scared her half to death, seeing that.

  

Janice left a little while later, but said that she would be in tomorrow morning. If the doctor said it was all right, then I would be leaving with her later that morning.

  

That night I was barely able to sleep. I kept having bad dreams. In most of them I was really happy and I was a girl with lots of friends and there was Scotty, the two of us were together, everything was perfect and I felt truly happy as he held me in his arms, but that is where things started going bad.

  

Out of nowhere, my dad shows up and he is wearing army fatigues and holding a gun. He yells at me and calls me a little fucking faggot, then opens fire, killing everyone, all my friends and then Scotty. When he is done firing he points the gun at me and says run if you want, bitch. That is when I woke up screaming and covered in sweat.

  

Even after I calmed down, I was so worked up that I couldn’t get back to sleep. I found myself walking the halls outside of my room. A few of the nurses asked me why I was out of bed and I just told them that I couldn’t sleep. I was told not to leave the ward, and I was fine with that. There really wasn’t anywhere else for me to go.

  

I eventually found the TV room and lay down on the couch and watched the Conan O’Brien show. At least it took my mind off things for awhile but I soon found myself tiring out, and before I knew it I had fallen asleep on the couch.

  

  “What are you doing in here Andrew?” asked Amy.

  

“Hi Amy, I had some bad dreams last night and ended up here guess I fell asleep.”

  

“We’d better be getting you back to your room honey, otherwise they are going to have security out looking for you.”

  

“Alright Amy, I’m coming.”

  

After the two of us were back in my room, Amy took a seat on the bed next to me. “So, do you want to tell me about the dreams, Andrew?”

  

I told her about the dreams that I was having, and she just sat there and listened till I was finished before she said anything.

  

“Andrew after I tried hurting myself, I had all kinds of weird dreams and they scared me eventually as I started dealing with things they started going away. Just be patient and talk about what is bothering you. If you hold all that crap in, it will only eat you alive.”

  

“Why are you telling me all this, Amy?”

  

“I guess it’s because the two of us are a lot alike and I think we could be friends.”

  

“I would like that, Amy.”

  

“So would I Andrew, but tell me do you have another name that you use?”

I smiled,“Yes Amy, its Jessica or Jesse for short.”

End of part Three

To be continued in part four

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 4

By, Cain129

  

Synopsis:    Andrew finally wakes up and finds that he is no longer alone. For the first time in his life, he admits openly that he is a transsexual. With the help of a few caring people, he decides to give life another chance and follow his dreams.

  

Chapter Seven

The hospital for me had been a scary place, but I remember Amy telling me that God sometime puts the right people in you life when you most needed them. I was starting to see that she may have been right. I had spent years hiding who I really was inside, out of fear mostly, but then Amy came along and showed me that I didn’t have to hide the truth anymore, I could follow my dreams. At first I had been kind of worried that it was just something to make me hold on, but then Dr. Masters said the same thing, then lastly Megan’s mother Janice had agreed with them.

  

Earlier that morning, Amy had found me sleeping in the TV room at the hospital. The two of us went back to my room and had a talk about the dreams that I had been having. After we talked I did feel better. Toward the end of the conversation she asked me if I had another name that I sometimes went by and I smiled at her and told her. “Its Jessica, or Jesse for short.”

  

I remember her smiling then she said that it was nice to finally meet the real me. After that the two of us talked like sisters and she shared with me what it was like for her when she finally came out of the closet and also the pain that she felt when her family rejected her because she was a lesbian. I could see the pain in her eyes as she spoke to me about losing her family, especially her little sister Beth. The two of them had been close and it had been three years since she had seen her.

  

Like Amy I knew how it felt to be rejected by those that you loved, and I told her about my life and how for years I had tried to live up to what was expected of me. No matter how hard that I had tried, I could never please my parents. There was always something that I wasn’t doing well enough.   Mom and I had never really been close, I think that maybe she blamed herself for what was happening.

  

In truth, my mother was a complete mystery to me as was her family. There were no grandparents that visited. There was only my aunt Jackie who I had rarely seen and the few times that she was over all she did was drink and complain about men. Dad’s side of the family was more outgoing but most of them were heavy drinkers and spent most of their time in and out of jail. The sad part was that Dad was the most stable of all of them. If you were to ask me how I felt about mom and dad, even with everything that has happened, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t love them.

  

Amy looked over at me, “It’s alright to love them Andrew, even with everything that has happened in my life I still love my parents and my little sister. The problem is Andrew you are going to have to stand up to your parents, otherwise you will never be free to follow your dreams.”

  

“I know, Amy but I don’t think I am ready to face them yet,” I said with a frown.

  

Amy smiled, “Give it time Andrew you don’t need to do everything right away.”

  

“Amy, do you think that you can do me a favor?”

  

“Sure Andrew, what do you want me to do?”

  

“Please stop calling me Andrew, when we’re alone, I’d rather just be Jessica.”

“Alright Jessica, if that’s what you want.”Amy said with a smile.

  

The two of us talked for a few more minute before Amy had to leave. She said that she would drop in on her break and she would talk me outside for a bit. I thought to myself after she left that whoever was lucky enough to land that girl would be really lucky.   After breakfast, I had an unexpected visitor knocking on my door. When I looked over I could see that he was wearing a delivery uniform and was carrying a parcel. He smiled and said are you Andrew Roberts?

  

I looked over at him, “Yes I am Andrew”

“I just need you to sign here and I will be on my way”, He said with a smile.

  

After I signed for the parcel he handed to me then left, I looked at the parcel for a name and found that it was sent by a John Smith. I thought to myself, who the hell is John Smith. Maybe it was someone from school but I was more concerned with what the contents were and open the box.   Once I had it opened I reached in to removed the packing and felt something really soft and kind of furry thinking it was a stuffed animal I grabbed hold and pulled it out to take a look as I pulled my hand out and send what I was holding it scared me half to death.

  

It was a dead rat and someone had cut its throat, as I looked at my hand it was covered in blood. I could help but scream as I looked at it. The sound of my voice caught Amy’s attention causing her to come running when she seen the dead rat lying on my bed she came running over.

  

Amy looked at the me the grabbed some paper towel and picked up the rat then put it back in the box and at the same time pulled out an envelope she didn’t wait for me to open it and opened it herself. She read the note then said I better call the police.

  

“Amy what does it say?” I asked.

  

“Honey, you really don’t want to know.”

  

I looked at her. “Yes Amy, I have to know”

  

Amy handed me back the note and I started reading it. “The only good rat is a deadrat, remember that.”

  

It was at that moment I knew who the package was really from. It was Dad’s way of telling me to keep my mouth shut, and the rat represented me.   While I was letting what the letter said sink in Amy had gone to the bath room and returned with a wet cloth and was using it to clean the blood off my hands.

  

“That was from you dad wasn’t it Jessica?”  asked Amy

  

“Yeah I think so Amy; he is the only one that would do something like that.”

“Do you think he would try to hurt you?”Amy asked.

  

“He doesn’t want to go back to Jail, and he knows if I talk to the police that he will.”

  

“Jessica, I need to go call the police, are you going to be all right here? You can always come to the nursing station with me if you want”

  

I looked over at Amy, “I’ll join you. I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

  

[-][+][-]

  

Chapter Eight

  

I had been sitting in the lounge for about an hour watching television, when I head someone calling my name. When I turned around, there was a police officer standing at the door. He looked to be around 40 years old but was pretty cute, although he kind of looked like he had been in a fight with Rocky Balboa.

  

“Hi Andrew, I am Detective Johnston. I’ve been assigned to your case. I understand that you received a parcel today? Would you mind showing it to me, Andrew?”

  

Detective Johnston and I then made our way back to my room. The parcel was sitting on the counter under the window where I had left it. He then picked up the package and looked at the contents then read the note that was attached.

  

“Listen Andrew this is your father’s way of trying to keep you quiet, he already knows that when this goes to court that he is going to be ending up in jail. We really don’t need you to press charges against your father; we have more then enough evidence with the doctor’s report to prosecute. It would be better if you were involved. If you are there in court people will see that you are the victim in all this and it makes it harder for the defense.”

  

Detective Johnson then took that parcel as evidence and said he was going to have the letter checked for fingerprints.

  

“I don’t know if I can do it. I know my father, when he makes up his mind aboutsomething he doesn’t stop, he will come after me.” I said, feeling afraid.

  

“Andrew he isn’t going to hurt you again, I can promise you! There is a court order in place that if either one of your parents try to make contact with you, both of them will end up being arrested and held till we go to court.”

  

“That’s not going to stop my dad! I know that if he wants to find me he will. I guess that I really have no choice, either way he is not going to leave me alone till this goes to court, is he?

  

“I don’t think so Andrew, the parcel here is likely just the start of things. He may send more, but after you leave the hospital, he isn’t going to know where you are, so you should be safe. I will give you my cell phone number if anything happens, just give me a call.

  

I took his card and placed it on the table next to my bed, then I told him everything about my relationship with my parents and he wrote everything down. It was about that time that I heard a knocking on my door. It was Dr. Masters and Janice.   They could see that we were busy, and said that they would come back, but Detective Johnson said that he was finished and then stood up.

  

“We will talk again Andrew! You’re a very brave kid, and you have my number callme if you need me”  Then he left me with Dr. Masters and Janice.

Word had already made its way around the hospital about the parcel that I had received. Neither of them was happy about it, but the good news was that after a quick checkup by Dr. Masters, he said that I could leave with Janice.

  

[-][+][-]

  

Before I left the hospital, I wanted to talk to Amy, in the short time that I had known her she had become someone that I really cared about and I was going to miss seeing her. Janice and I made our way over to the nursing station where she was busy working. When she saw me coming she smiled.

“I guess you are going home, Andrew.”

“Yes but I wanted to see you first Amy, and thank you for being here for me.”

“This isn’t goodbye Andrew, we will see each other again”, she said with a smile.

“I would like that Amy, you’re like a sister to me now.” I said and gave her a hug.

Amy gave me her number. “Call me anytime.” then she whispered “Jessica”

She gave me a hug and we said our goodbyes.

  

[-][+][-]

  

  

The drive to Janice’s home was a long one. I was pretty much lost in thought for most of it, wondering how my life was going to be now. Things were different. My secret was finally out in the open and I had some hard choices ahead of me, but I felt that I could handle things as long as I didn’t have to do it alone.

  

“You’re pretty quiet Andrew, what’s on your mind?” asked Janice.

  

“I guess I’m just wondering what happens now?”I said with a frown.

  

“What do you want to happen, Andrew?”

  

“To be honest, I still feel pretty overwhelmed”

  

“Well honey let’s just take things a day at a time for now and we will let tomorrowtake care of itself.”Janice said with a smile.

End of part Four

To be continued in part Five

Synopsis:  Andrew’s time in the hospital may have been short, but it was enough to put him on the right track, thanks to the help of a very understanding nurse. Now with the help of Janice and those around her, Jessica is finally free to come forth! Life is never that easy though, and there will be struggles ahead. His parents will make sure of that. Can he overcome the struggle and become the person that he always believed he was? Time will tell.

  

Chapter Nine

The homecoming

 

The ride to my new home really didn’t take that long. Janice and I talked most of the way about how I was feeling, but to be honest I was dealing with mixed emotions. Everything was somehow messed up. Having received that terrible package from my father had thrown me through a loop; I really didn’t know how to deal with the fact that my own father had such hatred towards me. Even with all he’d done to me, I still loved him. Was I crazy for feeling this way?  Then there was my mother. She never really hurt me, other than the odd nasty comment. No, she had never laid a hand on me, but she never protected me either. I didn’t know what to make of her. Was she that blind to the truth? Didn’t she see that what was happening was getting out of control, or was it the truth that she simply didn’t really care what happened to me?

When it came to my father it was simple. He hated everything about me, so he did the only thing that he could do to try and change me. In the end he failed. At least I understood what he was doing, and why. With my mother there was no rhyme or reason to her actions. Janice said that if I were her son, she would have taken me and left. I believed her, because I knew she placed her family first. Maybe if I’d had a mother like her, my life would have been a lot better. I used to envy the relationship that Megan had with Janice. It made me jealous, because I wanted that kind of relationship with my mother. Instead for the most part I was left to fend for myself, living in a world that was unforgiving and refused to accept anything or anyone different.

I wanted to be happy and find a place that would accept me for the person that I really was, but after years of hiding the truth from everyone, I was still very defensive. It had become a big part of my life. Now I had to let go of many of those defenses if I was going to move forward and become Jessica. I was so scared that everything would come crashing down like in my dreams, and I’d find myself back home with my parents. I guess that being forced to live a life that is not my own is what scares me the most.

 

 

It was around 1 pm when Janice and I arrived at her home. Megan was still at school and wouldn’t be home till around 4 pm, so it was just Janice and I at home for the moment. I had been to Megan’s house plenty of times over the years, but this time things were different. It would also be my home for the foreseeable future, until they figured out what to do with me. Even that scared me. There really aren’t many foster care homes out there that want a transsexual, or even know how to deal with the issues that I would have to live with.  For the time being though, I was safe.

“You’ve been pretty quiet Andrew, is something wrong?” Janice asked.

“I was just thinking, all I have are the clothes that I’m wearing, Janice.”

“We’ll sort that out later, Andrew. The clothes you’re wearing are fine for now.”

Janice led me over to the guest room and said that it was mine for as long as I needed it, then asked me if I was hungry. I was very hungry, as we had left the hospital before dinner was served. The two of us went into the kitchen and she took some chicken out of the fridge, and then turned to me,

“I hope you don’t mind leftovers?”

“Whatever you have is fine Janice, I’m not fussy.”

“Andrew we really need to have a talk.”Janice said as she joined me at the table.

“What do you what to talk about, Janice?”

She looked me in the eye. “Well honey, you have some serious choices that need to be made. The only one that can make these choices is you. I can advise you and support you, but in the end it’s your life and you need to be happy. Anthony knows about you and so does Megan. They accept the fact that you want to be a girl, so there really is no reason for you to hide anymore. If you want to be Jessica while you are here, none of us will mind. In fact, I think it’s probably best for you right now.

I thought about what Janice was saying, I didn’t have to hide anymore. I could just be myself for a change.  

Nervously, I looked over at Janice. “Will you help me?”

 

 

Chapter Ten

The road less traveled

 

Jake Roberts made his way into the bank and walked up to the teller. He closed his account, and fifteen minutes later he left with his life savings. He had been on his way home to pick up a few things and noticed the police car parked out front of his home, so he pulled into a neighbor’s driveway, turned around and drove off in the opposite direction. As he drove off he was cursing. Things were not going well; he thought that the little present that he had sent his son would have been enough to keep his mouth shut. He could see now that he was going to have to take it up a notch.  

Jake picked up his cell phone and made a call to his brother James, it only took a few minutes before he answered,

“What’s up, Jake?”

“James, I need you to do me a favor. The police are looking for me, and I need another car. It’s got to be something with 4 wheel drive.”

It was 3 pm when Jake arrived at the address where James said that he would meet him and true to his word, there waiting for Jake was a four wheel drive Subaru. Jake climbed in beside his brother James.

“So, do you want to tell me what’s going on Jake?” asked James

“Andrew tied to kill himself and ended up at the hospital. Because they found bruises on him, they’re trying to charge me with child abuse. Yes, I beat him, but it was for his own good. You know how the boy is, James. God, how many times did our dad beat us and it wasn’t abuse, it was to teach us a lesson. This is no different.”

James looked over at his brother “What are you going to do now?  “

“I’ll do whatever I have to do, James. There’s no way that I’m going back to jail.”

“There’s always the hunting camp.” James suggested, with a smile. “It’s remote and well hidden. If you can get theboyalone up there, then you can talk some sense into him.”

You could see that Jake was thinking, and then he turned to his brother “That might just work. Once he’s released from the hospital, though, I have no idea where they’re going to send him.” Jake said, frustrated

James looked over at Jake. “There is always Brian. I am sure that he could figure something out, that is, if you want to deal with him?”

Jake thought about what his brother said. Yes, Brian could help, but whenever you dealt with Brian there was a price to pay. Still, he knew all the right people, and it would take him very little time to find Andrew. Jake looked over at James. “Make the arrangements with Brian and tell him to give me a call.”

 

 

Meanwhile, back at the Roberts residence, Sarah had an unexpected visitor. Detective Johnston had arrived and was looking for her husband. The note left with the package came back clean and since it had been printed, it didn’t really give them anything to work with other then a signature that didn’t match Jake’s.

Mason was just hoping to catch a break and have Jake slip up so he could take him into custody. When he talked to Sarah, she told him that he never came home after being released from jail, and she had no idea where he was. Mason believed her because she really didn’t have any reason to lie to him.

Unfortunately, Sarah Roberts wasn’t the one that the district attorney was after. They wanted Jake, much more then they wanted her. Mason, on the other hand would have loved to arrest both of them and lock them up, but it wasn’t up to him. He would gladly make the arrests, but after that it was up to the courts. Just because someone is arrested and it goes to court, that doesn’t necessarily mean that there will be justice.  It was something he had seen every day. People committing crimes and they were obviously guilty, but somehow they ended up walking free, or getting little time in jail, and to hell with the victims.

There were times that he had thought about handing in his badge and going into business for himself. There was so much corruption that reached even into the police department, the people he was supposed to trust to watch his back. How can you trust someone that is on the take? Obviously, he couldn’t. There were only a few people within the force that he really trusted. That was just the way things were today.

Mason left the Robert’s house, and then he started checking out most of Jake’s known hangouts. He came up empty, as no one had seen him, or they weren’t talking.

 

 

After dinner, Janice and I went upstairs to Megan’s room to find something to wear. I was really excited. I had dressed up before in private but this was different. There was no reason for me to hide it from anyone. Before, there had always been the fear of being caught by my parents. Knowing Dad, there would have been hell to pay, and as far as Mom goes, she would have encouraged him. Either way I would have been in big trouble. Now here I was, standing next to Janice, going though Megan’s closet trying to find the perfect outfit for Jessica’s debut. It only took me a few minutes and I found what I was looking for. It was a nice baby blue sundress that I had loved ever since Megan bought it. I looked over at Janice,”

“Do you think she will mind?” I said, as I held the dress up to show Janice.

“Megan won’t mind at all, honey. You will need a little ‘up top’ to pull it off though! I think I may have just the thing though.” Janice said with a smile.”

Janice dug around on the top shelf of the closet and eventually found what she was looking for and pulled down a small box and handed it to me.  When I opened it I found what looked like two breasts.

Janice smiled. “These are helpers, a lot of girls use them until they start growing their own. They should do the job for now! It would be better though if we went out and got you a pair of your own, but these will work for now. We will need to get you

something a bit more realistic.”

For the next half hour, I washed my hair, and then Janice did her best to cut and style it so that it would look good, but still left enough that I could easily go back to being Andrew if I chose. As for myself, given a choice I knew I wouldn’t be choosing to go back to that existence, but she said that short steps were best for now.

Janice left me for a few minutes so that I could get dressed. The dress fit perfectly, which surprised me because I had always thought that girls had wider hips. I wasn’t complaining. I liked the fact that it fit me like a glove. When Janice came back in and took a look for herself she was also surprised that it fit me so well.

The final step was makeup, and as I was seated in front of Megan’s vanity, I was dying to see the results. Janice had covered the mirror, saying she didn’t want me to see how I looked until she was finished. So I sat there and waited. She finally said that she was finished, and when she pulled the towel off the mirror, I was completely in shock! In the mirror looking back at me was a beautiful teenage girl.

As I looked at myself in the mirror, I knew that Andrew was gone for good.  I liked what I saw, and I felt that I had found the real me. In time, I would have the body to match, but even if I had to live with the body that I have now, I would be happy as long as I could just be the real me.

Janice looked over at me. “How does it feel, honey?”

I smiled back at Janice.“This is the real me, Janice, and I don’t want to go back”

“I have to say, Andrew, you do look the part.” Janice said with a smile.

“Andrew is a mask that I have had to wear. This is the real me, and my name is Jessica.”

“It’s nice to finely meet you, Jessica.”Janice said with a big smile.

 

 

After that Janice gave me some space, and went downstairs to get some work done while I spent some time in my new bedroom. The room had been used mostly by Anthony, Megan’s father, who used it mainly as a music studio. I wasn’t surprised to find his guitar and keyboard still there. It had been awhile since I last played either instrument. I had taken lessons in school and my teacher said that I had a gift when it came to music. With all of the workouts and stuff at home, I just didn’t have the time to really sit down and practice. I walked over to the keyboard and took a seat and hit the power button.  It made a buzzing noise as it came to life. I started playing a few of the keys and doing an exercise that my teacher had giving us.

I was surprised how fast it came back to me. After a few tries, I tried playing a song by Martina McBride called Concrete Angel. It was a song that really hit home for me. I had always liked it, but watching the video always brought me to tears. It was such an emotional song. It took me a few attempts to get it right but eventually I started playing and singing the lyrics to the song. By the time I reached the end of the song, I was completely oblivious to the fact that I had gained an audience. Megan and Jennifer had made it home from school, and had pretty much snuck up on me while I was lost in the song.

When I turned around I found both of them there. When they saw me they both came running over, and before I knew what was happening, I was being hugged to death by the both of them.

“God, Andrew is that really you?” asked Megan

I nodded. “Yes Megan, this is the real me. My name is Jessica, now.”

Jennifer smiled, “You look so beautiful, Jessica. That dress really suits you!”

“Yeah Jessica, it fits you like a glove and it’s definitely your color.” Megan said. She looked at me with a serious expression. “You know, Jessica, we’re really very sorry about what happened. Jennifer and I were complete idiots, and we would understand if you didn’t want to be friends again.”

I looked over at the both of them and could see that they were telling the truth. Deep down I knew that there was no possible way that I could be mad at either one of them. I just smiled at them.

”Let’s just leave that in the past, please?”

Over the next couple of hours, the three of us got to know one another again. It was like nothing had happened, but things were different now. I was no longer the odd one out I was one of them now and they treated me as such and held back nothing from me. It felt nice to finely be accepted for the person that I really was, a teenage girl. I seriously doubted that just because I was free to live my life as I wanted that everything was going to turn out perfect. Whatever happened, I knew that I didn’t have to deal with it alone anymore.

 

 

Meanwhile, across town Jake had booked himself into a hotel using a fake name. Jake and his brother James had been drinking most of the afternoon, waiting for Brian to call.  It was around 4:30 pm when Jake’s cell phone finally rings.

After Jake checked the number, he knew that it was Brian. He hit the answer button on the phone.

“Hi Brian, thanks for calling.”

“Hi Jake, what’s up?” asked Brian

“I need your help Brian I’m up on charges for child abuse. I need to find out where they have my son, so I can talk some sense into him.”

“You know the people that I work for Jake; they’re going to expect something from you in return.”

“I know, Brian, but I don’t want to go to jail! I just need to have Andrew tell them that it wasn’t me abusing him”

“I’ll make a few calls Jake, but I’m promising nothing.” Brian said, ending the call.

“How did it go?” asked James

Jake frowned, “I think he’ll help, but I feel like I’ve just sold my soul to the devil.”

“That’s because you just did, Jake. Welcome to the family.” James said with a grin.

End of part Five

To be continued in part Six

---

Synopsis: After Andrew is released from the hospital, Janice takes him home and helps him become Jessica for the first time. Now that Jessica is finally free she intends to make Andrew a distant memory, and with the help of her friends she intends to build the life that she has always dreamed of having.

Chapter Eleven

 

 

Anthony Tanner had just about finished work for the day when his phone rang. Being after 4 pm, his secretary had already finished, so he took the call himself.

  

“Hello, Anthony Tanner speaking.”

 

  “Hi Anthony, its Bill. I’ve been on the phone with Children’s Services, and you and Janice have been given temporary guardianship over Andrew Roberts. Janice already knows, and has taken him home from the hospital. All the paperwork should be ready early Monday morning.”

 

“Thanks Bill, but how did you manage to get it through this fast?”

 

“Well I can’t take all the credit for that, it turns out that Dr. Masters has been talking to Children’s Services on your behalf and has convinced them that Janice and you are the best prepared to take care of Andrew. Due to his medical issues and the fact that your wife is a licensed psychiatrist, the judge didn’t contest the placement. He has also extended the court order to prevent Andrew’s parents from contact with anyone in your family. “

 

“Thanks for taking care of everything, Bill.   Give my best to Carol for me.”

 

“Your welcome, Anthony, take care!” Bill said as he ended the call.

 

After Anthony finished, he looked around his office. He headed downstairs to his car to make the drive home. He was glad Bill had told him Janice had already taken Andrew home. He had never expected to find that the process had already been started while Andrew was still in the hospital.

 

By the time that Anthony made it home he was starving and hoped that Janice had supper ready. when he walked through the door, it was like a mad house of giggling girls. He saw that Megan had a couple of friends over. He knew Jennifer well; she was like part of the family.   This new girl looked somewhat familiar, but he couldn’t place where he seen her before. He thought she was pretty, though, and would probably end up breaking some hearts.

 

When he looked around, he didn’t see Andrew. “Where is Andrew, Megan?”

 

It was at that moment everyone started laughing, except the new girl. The pretty stranger just looked at him and smiled. “Mr. Tanner I go by Jessica now.”

 

Nothing had prepared him for this, what he was looking at was not what he was expecting to see.   He expected to see a boy pretending to be a girl. The vision before him was anything but that! What he saw was a girl; there was no sign of the boy that he had known.

 

“Wow Jessica, if I didn’t see it with my own eyes I wouldn’t believe it,”Anthony said, surprised. “Girls you’re going to need to have a talk to her about boys soon! Something tells me it won’t be long before they start coming around.”

 

“Stop it Mr. Tanner”, I said blushing.

 

“Jessica, Daddy’s right, it won’t be long before someone makes a move on you.” Megan said with a big smile on her face.

 

“Yeah, looking like you do, it’s only a matter of time!” Jennifer said with a smile.

  

It was at that point that Janice came into the room. She had been listening to everything from the comfort of the kitchen.

 

”Alright girls, I think Jessica has enough to worry about right now. Boys can wait, andAnthony, stop encouraging them.”Janice said, smiling as she took a seat on the couch.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

 

As I sat at the table the one thing that I noticed was how lively the atmosphere was. Everyone was talking and enjoying each others company. It was nothing like what I was used to at home. There, nobody really talked to one another, it was like, eat as fast as you can and move on to the next thing. Here, everyone was talking about their day, even Jennifer was still here and it seemed normal, like she was more a member of the family then a friend.

 

I would never invite anyone into my home; there were just too many secrets there. I would never have known how my family would act towards me having a guest over. Dad didn’t really care for the friends that I had because most of my friends were girls. Even if they had been boys, I still think he would have found a reason to complain. There was just no winning with him.

 

But here, everything was calm and when I looked around the room, that tension that I used to feel all the time was gone. It’s strange the things that you can get used to when you have no choice in the matter. Here, we were all sitting at the table, enjoying a meal together as a family. I loved every minute of it.

 

 

Chapter 12

 

 

Jennifer gone home, and we were sitting around relaxing. I felt comfortable in with the Tanners, but I still had this sinking feeling deep inside my stomach. When I looked around I saw a family that seemed to support one another, and even invited someone as messed up as me to live with them.

 

Until recently, I had believed that behind closed doors all parents were pretty much the same. As I watched Anthony with Megan, I could see that there was a special bond between them that I had never really experienced, and would have given anything to know what that felt like. Deep down, I knew that a relationship like that with my parents was impossible. I couldn’t take watching them any longer and headed over to my room and closed the door behind me, I just wanted to be alone.

 

“What’s wrong with Jessica?” asked Megan to her father.

 

“I think its going to take her some time to adjust, honey, She’s been through a lotand I think she’s feeling overwhelmed,” Anthony said with a frown.

 

“Should I go and check on her daddy?”

 

“Just give her some space Megan. When she’s ready, she’ll come out on her own.”

 

“I’m just worried about her Daddy; she’s been through so much.”

 

“I know honey, but we can only do so much for her, she needs to find her own way and I’m afraid that’s going to take some time.”

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

 

I sat in my room doing nothing. I just felt so miserable inside, and the more I thought about things, the angrier I felt towards my family. Part of me just wanted to confront my parents and tell them how I felt, but what was the use? They couldn’t see past their own point of view.   I walked over to the phone and dialed Amy’s number. If anyone understood how I was feeling, she would.   The phone rang through a few times then I heard her voice on the other end.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Amy, it’s me, Jessica. Can we talk?”

 

“Sure Jessica, is anything wrong?”

 

“No Amy, it’s been great, Janice even helped me dressed up today. It’s been wonderful.”

 

“Why do I feel a ‘but’ coming, Jessica?”, asked Amy

 

“It just doesn’t feel right, Amy, I feel like any minute now, the floor is going to open up and swallow me.”

 

Amy started laughing, “Honey it’s just your first day and you are with a real family that cares for one another. You’re just not used to it yet. You need to give it some time and try to enjoy yourself. Stop analyzing everything.”

 

I thought about what Amy was saying, and I guess she was right. I just needed to relax and stop worrying.

 

“Amy, maybe you’re right, it’s just that I have seen how everyone is here,” Amy heard the sadness in the little girl’s voice. “I guess it pisses me off that I couldn’t have that same feeling with my family. “

 

“I know honey, for years I wished my mom and dad would accept me, but it never happened. From what I have seen and heard about your family, honey, you are better off without them.   The only thing you will find hanging on to them Jessica is pain.”

 

“Thanks Amy, I needed someone to kick me when I was down.” Jessica said, sarcastically.

 

No, honey, you needed a kick in the butt to help you remember that you are in a better place.” Amy said laughing. “I have tomorrow off Jessica; want to take in a movie, my treat?”

 

“Sounds like fun Amy, but I will have to check with Janice. What time do you have in mind?”

 

“I will pick you up around 6 pm, we can grab a bite to eat then catch the 7pm show if that alright with you, Jessica?

 

“Sure, I will talk to Janice and give you a call tomorrow to let you know. Thanks Amy, I guess that I just need someone to talk to that understands.”

 

“That’s alright Jessica, call me anytime you need to talk, I really don’t mind. I will talk to you tomorrow, byes!”

 

“Bye, Amy,” I said as I ended the call.

 

I felt much better after talking with Amy, the two of us had an understanding. I just hoped that I could be as good a friend to her as she has been to me.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

As I was lying on my bed I thought about what Amy was telling me. In truth, I knew I was jealous of Megan’s relationship with her parents. From what I could see, this was a family with lots of support for one another. It went completely against everything that I had come to expect as normal family relations. I think part of the reason it hurt me so much was that I knew this was all temporary. Soon I would be in foster care, or maybe a group home. Neither of them were things that I was looking forward to experiencing.

 

Chapter 13

 

As I was lying on the bed I heard a light tapping on my door, so I went over and opened it.

 

“Is everything alright?” Megan asked, looking worried.

 

I smiled, “Yes Megan. I guess that all of this was just a little overwhelming for me.”

 

“What do you mean Jessica?” Asked Megan

 

I reached out my hand and pulled her inside the room then the two of us flopped down on my bed. I looked over at her, “Megan I’m not used to all this. To you, this is all normal, but when I look at how your family relates to one another, it’s just not normal to me. It was never like this with my family, and I guess that I’m a little jealous because I would have given anything to have what you have here.”

 

Megan sat there thinking for a minute, “I guess that I never really looked at it like that. I guess that I’ve just taken everything for granted.   I’m sorry that it bothers you, Jessica. No one here wants to make you unhappy.”

 

“It’s just going to take me time Megan, I’m still happier here then I’ve been in a long time, Just look at what I’m wearing, if I tried wearing this at home, Dad would’ve gone completely nuts and Mom, she’d have had a few crude remarks and encouraged dad to do something about me.

 

This summer, his latest plan was sending me to a military style boot camp for the summer I guess a summer being in a place like that would make ‘a man’ out of me. That’s what finally did it for me. Up till then, committing suicide had only been thoughts. I guess that everyone has their breaking point and that was mine.”

 

 

Megan looked over at me and shook her head, “Jennifer I really can’t see you in a place like that and I really can’t see you spending a summer there turning you into a man. The truth is that you’re a woman inside. This was never a phase for you, the person you are right now is the real you, isn’t it?”

 

“Yes Megan, this is the real me. Andrew was always a mask that I had to wear.”

 

“I really doubt then that spending the summer there would’ve done anything to you other then make you miserable.”Megan said with a smile.

 

Megan pointed over to the keyboard. “Why don’t you play something for me?”

 

“What do you want me to play?”

 

“I don’t care, just play something, Jessica.”Megan said with a smile.

 

“Alright,” I said and walked over to the acoustic guitar and gave it a couple of strums to see if it was tuned and found that it was. Then I thought for a minute about what to play, and came up with a song that I liked.

 

I decided on a song by the Dixie Chicks, called Landslide. I’d always loved the song. I guess that I was a country girl at heart and started playing and singing the lyrics to the song. While I played and sang the song, I noticed Anthony standing outside my door with a big smile on his face. I remember going with Megan a few times when Anthony’s band was playing. They had been pretty good, but the band broke up a few years ago. Megan looked like she was enjoying herself as I finished up the song; she turned to her Father and smiled.

 

  “Jessica is pretty good, right Daddy?”

 

Anthony came into the room. and said “She is really good!”

 

He went over and grabbed his other guitar and looked over at me.

 

“Let’s try playing together, Jessica.”

 

I looked over at him and smiled. ”What do you want to play?

 

“How about ‘American Honey’?”Anthony suggested.

 

“I don’t really know that one that well, Anthony.” I admitted.

 

“Here Jessica, I’ll play it, and once you’re ready, you come in.” Anthony said with a smile.  

 

“Alright, I’ll give it a try.” I said with a frown.

 

I liked the song; I had heard it on the radio a few times and pretty much knew the words well enough. I thought I could sing it, but playing it was another story. I usually had to hear it a few times before I could actually play it myself. I guess that was part of the gift my music teacher said that I had.

 

So as Anthony played the song, I watched the cords that he was playing. I found myself following him as he changed the cords until I had it, then he turned to me.  

 

“Think you’re ready?”

 

I nodded and the two of us started playing together. At first Anthony was doing the singing, then he nodded to me to take over. Soon the two of us were taking turns and doing the choruses together. I had to admit that the two of us sounded pretty good together! If we practiced and had our timing right, we would have sounded really good. When we finished, Anthony continued on and played “Paint It Black” by the Rolling Stones. I found myself playing along right with him.

 

As the two of us played, we soon had a small audiences with Megan and Janice sitting on the bed listening. After awhile I found myself starting to get tired, and Anthony could tell. We called an end to our jam section.

 

Before bed Megan came downstairs and knocked on my door. After I opened it I noticed that she was carrying a blue nightgown.

 

“I thought that you might need something to wear to bed, Jessica”, Megan said with a smile and handed me a nice blue nightgown.

 

I smiled, “Thanks Megan, guess that I’ll be going on a shopping trip soon. Seems I need a little of everything.”

 

“That’s cool Jessica. I’ll get a hold of Jennifer and we’ll hit the mall. It’ll be fun!”

 

“Maybe, but I’ve got no idea how I’m going to pay for everything I need.”

 

“I wouldn’t worry about that. I’m sure that Mom and Dad will figure something out, and I’m thinking that Children’s Services is likely going to be paying for most of the stuff you need anyway.”

 

“Guess things are going to be different for me now; I don’t even know what I’m going to do about school. Everyone knows what I did, Megan. It was bad enough before now, so to people that see me I’ll always be that boy that tried to kill himself.”

 

“Maybe at first it will be that way Jessica, but I’m sure it’ll eventually blow over. You know how kids are, something will happen in a few weeks, and the kids will move on to the next big thing.

 

“To be honest I don’t even know if I want to go back to that school, if given a choice I’d like to remain Jessica and attend school and have a clean slate.”

 

“I can’t say that I’d blame you Jessica. You might be surprised how many people would be cool with you becoming a girl, it’s not like you were the manliest boy. I know for a fact that there were some students there that already thought you were a girl.”

 

“Really, Megan?”

 

“Yeah, Jennifer and I used to laugh about it because we knew the truth. But knowing what we know now I guess Jennifer and I were wrong, too.

 

I smiled, “Well, it’s not like I had girl written all over me.”

 

“Actually you did, Jessica. We were just too blind to see the truth till now.”

 

“Well, we better be getting to bed before Mom says something.”

 

“Goodnight, Sis,” Megan said, then leaned over and gave me a hug.

 

I leaned over and returned the hug and said goodnight. I waited till Megan left, then changed into my nightgown, thinking about the fact that she had just called me her sister.

 

[-][+][-]

 

It was around 11pm when Jake and his brother arrived at the hunting camp. Being out in the middle of nowhere, there was no electricity or phone. They lit the place up using lanterns, and had the wood stove for heating the place and cooking. Not that either one of them were planning on doing much cooking there.   Outside of the camp was a river that was perfect for fishing. Both Jake and James loved fishing, it was the perfect excuse to have a couple of cold beer, and neither really cared if they caught anything. Jake had tried to get Andrew interested in fishing and hunting, but the boy was too timid and would sooner scare the animals away then shoot one.

 

Jake looked around. “This is perfect James, now we just need Brian to find Andrew and put an end to all this. You know that eventually they’re going to expect you do some work for them Jake, and you know what they are going to want.”

 

“I don’t want to think about it James. The sooner this is over, the better.”

 

“Alright, Jake. It’s your life, but it might have been better taking the time.”

 

“Why are you saying this James, it was your idea to call Brian.”

 

“Yeah, it was Jake, but you’re not planning on just talkin’ to Andrew are you?”

 

“That’s up to the boy, James.”

 

“Just so you know that I am not going to jail, so the first sign of trouble, I am out of here,” James said.

 

“It won’t get to that, believe me. Andrew is a freaking sissy, all I have to do is put the fear of God into him and he will do whatever I tell him to.”

 

“I sure hope you’re right Jake.” James said, as he opened another beer.

 

“I know that I’m right! Look, all we have to do is get him here, and for that, I’ll need your help. The police know what I look like, and they’ll be looking for me. They’re not looking for you, James, so you’re going to be my eyes and ears and when the time comes we’ll make our move.

 

 

 

 

End of part Six

 

 

 

 

 

Synopsis:  Jessica starts to settle into her new life with the Tanners, but finds the adjustment difficult. Life with the Tanners is completely different then anything that Jessica has experienced before and as Jessica tries to find her place in this new world, she is haunted by the past and afraid of what the future holds.

 

There is a saying in hamlet that says “”To thine own self be true”. I’ve never really paid much attention to those words but these days it seems to make a lot more sense to me. All of my life I’ve been pretending to be someone that I’m not. I’ve spent vast amounts of time and energy creating and maintaining Andrew, but have come to the realization that the more that I tried to become what everyone wanted of me, the more at odds I became with the real me.

It has been a couple days now since I came to live with the Tanners and embraced who I really was inside, but to say that it has been easy would be an understatement. It is never easy putting the past behind you and trying to move forward into an unseen future.

In an ideal world everyone would be accepted for whom they were and diversity would be a good thing, but that world doesn’t really exist. Our world is one where sociality dictates what is considered normal, and those like me fall outside what is considered the norm. We hide in the fringes of society, feeling alone and unloved by those around us. They say things like “If you do as I ask, I’ll love you.” Is that real love? Isn’t it really just a form of control that pulls at our emotional strings?

I am sitting here in my room wondering what next, where do I go from here. The worst part of doing something stupid is living with the consequences of your actions. When you look into someone’s eyes and wonder, do they know what I did? Are they talking about me?  Shame is a terrible thing to carry around with you. Look at the people that care for you and what you put them through at the time. You think that you’re the only person that you are hurting, but that is insanity. You become blind to everything around you except your own pain. If you are lucky like I was, you survive and realize that what you have done to the ones that cared about you.

End of Journal entry

After having a quick bath, I slowly got dressed. Not having many choices at the moment, I chose the blue sundress that I’d borrowed from Megan. It would have to do for now. There were so many things that I was going to need for my new life, most of all clothes! I lost everything that I’d owned, not that I really wanted any of it anyways. Everything that I’d owned was for a boy, and I was going to start living as a girl. That meant that I was going to need a lot more in my wardrobe.

After I brushed my hair, I made my way to the kitchen and found Janice busy getting breakfast ready. She smiled when she saw me.

“Good morning Jessica, breakfast will be ready in a bit,” Janice said smiling.

“Need any help?”

“No sweetie, but could you get Megan up?”

“Alight Janice,” I said, and headed for Megan’s room.

Megan’s room was on the second floor across from her parents, so I tried to be really quiet. Not wanting to wake up Anthony, I made it to Megan’s room and gave a few light taps. There was no response, so I opened the door and made my way inside. I approached Megan’s bed and gave her shoulder a gentle shake.

“Time to wake up, Megan.”

“Just a few minutes, Mom.” She replied.

Clearly, she was still asleep.  So I did the only thing that a girl could do at the moment. I jumped up on the bed and shook her, while at the same time telling her to wake up. Before I knew it, she was firing one pillow after another at me as I ran giggling out of the room.

When I made it to the kitchen, I smiled innocently and told Janice she would be right down. I was right; a few minutes later she came into the kitchen and gave me a swat to the back of the head, which had us both giggling. Feigning innocence, I smiled.

“Now, what was that for?” I asked, playing little miss innocent.

She gave me a toothy smile and said, “Oh, youknow exactly why, missy!”

“All right girls, behave yourselves.” Janice said with a big smile and she placed plates of eggs and bacon in front of Megan and I, then joined us at the table with a plate of her own.

Janice looked over at me. “We really need to get you sorted for clothes, Jessica. Do you feel up to doing some shopping later?”

I looked over at Janice, “I guess I’m a little scared. I’ve never been out dressed as Jessica, what if someone recognizes me?”

“There’s always that risk, honey.” Janice smiled. “To be honest, at the moment you look nothing like Andrew, and you had no trouble fooling Anthony last night.”

I thought about what Janice had said. It was true, Anthony hadn’t known who I was, and all I was wearing was a sundress and a little make up. Maybe I could pull it off. If I was going to be living full time as a girl, then I’d have to leave the house sooner or later. It might as well be today, I thought.

Megan looked over at me. “Don’t worry I’ll be with you, and so will Jennifer, if Mom doesn’t mind her coming along.”

Janice looked over at her daughter. “Sure, honey. It’ll be a ladies day out.”

I looked over at the both of them, “All right, I’ll go, but I reserve the right to be a little scared.”

“Don’t worry, honey. If at anytime it feels too much for you to handle, you just tell me andwe’ll leave.” Janice promised with a smile.

Knowing that I had all the control on whether we stayed or came home made me feel a lot more comfortable. A little while later, we pulled into the parking lot at the Westgate Mall. I was scared to death, but with Megan on one side of me and Jennifer on the other, while Janice covered the rear, there was only one direction left for me to go. That was through the entrance of the mall.

As we walked through the mall, it felt like everyone was watching me and knew my secret, so I was already memorizing the fastest route back to Janice’s car.

“Relax, Jessica! You’re doing fine!” Megan said with a smile.

“I am so nervous. Megan.” I said in a whisper.

“You’re doing great,” Jennifer insisted, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze.

The first stop we made was the Walmart, where I found myself modeling numerous dresses, jeans and blouses. Janice handed me a black skirt and white blouse and told me to try it on. I soon found myself waiting in line to use the changing room. As I waited, Megan and Jennifer were both busy picking out outfits of their own for me to model.

I felt really nervous, but I kept telling myself that I could do this. Eventually my turn came and I made my way inside. Locking the door behind me, I tried on my first outfit. It was the one that Janice had picked out for me. The blouse fit me really well, but I found the black skirt a little tight. When I came out, the girls had me move around a little so they could see how it looked.

“What do you think, Jessica?” Janice asked as she looked me over.

“I like it, but I think the skirt’s a little too tight, Janice.”

Janice looked at it, carefully.“I think that’s just the style, honey.”

I thought to myself that it must have been designed for a boy, because boys had different curves then girls do and it fit me like a glove. They must have made a mistake when the made the skirt because there was no way that I had the same curves as a girl. I sighed. No matter how much I wanted to have the body of a girl, the reality is that I am a boy under these clothes..

The next stop was the lingerie section. I found myself starting to relax a bit and actually started having a good time. The three of us shopped for another hour, hitting the different stores and eventually ended up outside the salon. Jennifer noticed the sign said, “Free ear piercing.” It was one of those deals if you bought something for a certain price they pierced your ears for you. I soon found myself inside, having my ears pierced. When I walked out, I had two diamond studs in each lobe.

Janice had also bought me some makeup, after she and the beautician decided what my skin tone was. Both Megan and Jennifer wanted me to get my hair done but I really wasn’t ready for that yet. I didn’t know what the future held and if I had to put on the Andrew mask again, I wanted to be able to do it without having to explain my hair. Lots of boys have both ears pierced these days, so that wouldn’t really be an issue.

After awhile, Janice said she had a few places that she needed to go, and gave Megan some money. She said that she would meet the three of us in the food court. We headed over to the food court and hit McDonald’s. After we had our food we headed over to the seating area and found a free table.

“How are you doing?” Asked Megan.

“All right, I guess. I still find myself wondering if anyone knows.”

“You have nothing to worry about Jessica. You look, move and talk like a girl and believe me if anyone is looking, all they are seeing is a beautiful teenage girl.” Jennifer said with a smile.

As the three of us were talking and enjoying our meal, I saw Gerry, Daniel and Scotty walking into the food court. As soon as I saw them, I could feel my heart start beating really fast.

Megan looked at me, worriedly. “What’s wrong, Jessica?”

Then she looked over and saw what had spooked me.

“Relax, Jessica! They don’t know who you are, and if they do come over, we’ll just tell them you’re my cousin, and you are just visiting.” Megan reassured me with a smile.

“Are you sure they won’t recognize me?” I said, a little afraid.

I found myself looking over that way. I just couldn’t help myself; it was Scotty, after all. I’d had a crush on him for what felt like ages.

“Jessica, stop staring, they’re going to come over.” Jennifer said in a way that the boys wouldn’t see her.

I looked over at Jennifer. “I’m sorry, guess that I’m just a little bit nervous.”

I tried not to, but I kept finding myself looking over every now and then. All of a sudden, as I was sneaking a look over at him, he turned his head and saw me checking him out. To my surprise, he smiled back at me. Then he turned to one of is friends, and pointed over our way.

Megan looked over at me. “Oh, you’ve done it now!”

The three guys started walking over towards our table. I could feel the butterflies going wild inside my tummy the closer that Scotty got to our table. When they finally arrived, Scotty looked over at me, then Megan and Jennifer.

“Hi Megan, Jennifer.” He nodded, and then he turned to me and smiled. “Hi I’m Scotty. You must be new, because I never forget a pretty face.”

I thought to myself, Wow, what an original line!  The way he said it still had me blushing, though. When I was finally able to speak, I smiled nervously.

“I’m Jessica; it’s nice to meet you Scotty.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Jessica.” he said sweetly then turned to and introduced his friends Gerry and Daniel. I said hi to the both of them, but found that I was having trouble concentrating. Scotty turned to Megan and Jennifer, and then asked if we minded them joining us. Megan looked over at me to see if I was all right. She just shook her head and the guys joined us. Scotty took a seat next to me.

Scotty turned to me, “So, where are you from Jessica?  

I really wasn’t used to this kind of attention. I did my best not to look like a total freak, and told him I was just visiting here from Calgary, and that I hadn’t really been here very long.

“You’ll like it here; the people are pretty cool for the most part. If you ever need a guide, I would love to show you around.” Scotty said with a smile.

Wow, I thought to myself, that was fast, he barely even knows me and he is already making a move. I looked over at him, wanting to accept his offer. I was still scared, though, and I think that Megan could tell I was getting in over my head. She calmly came to the rescue.

“That might be hard, Scotty. Jessica’s just visiting and her parents don’t really like her dating.”

Scotty turned to me. “It doesn’t have to be a date; I am just showing a friend around town, that’s all.”

I looked over at him then Megan who just shrugged her shoulders.

I looked over at Scotty. God, why did he have to be so cute!  “I really don’t know how long my parents are planning on staying, but I guess that I could give you a call if I am free sometime.”

Scotty smiled, then reached over and picked up my receipt. He wrote his name and number down on it.

“I really hope that you can find the time. Jessica.” he said making a sad puppy dog face.

I smiled, “We’ll see, Scotty.”

Scotty looked over at Megan, “You guys have plans for next weekend?”

Megan looked over. “No, why?”

“The band is playing at the Bronx next Saturday. If you’re not doing anything, you should all come. We just got a new lead singer and she is really good.”

Megan looked at Jennifer. “What do you think?”

She smiled. “Maybe we’ll see you there!”

Scotty looked over at me and smiled. “I hope to see you there, Jessica.”

It was about that time that I saw Janice coming. Thank God, I thought with relief, the stress was going to kill me!

When she reached the table, she smiled. “Hello! Ready to get going girls?”

We nodded, said our goodbyes to the guys and were on our way.

“God, I’m so glad that is over!” I said, leaning back against the car seat. Megan smiled.

“I think that Jessica has a crush on Scotty.” Megan said with a giggle.”

I looked over at Megan. “No, I do not have a crush on Scotty.” I didn’t even believe me.

“Sure Jessica.” Jennifer giggled loudly.

“All right, girls. That’s enough, leave Jessica alone. If she likes Scotty that’s her business,” Janice shook her head. God, it’s like I have another daughter! Janice thought to herself. She put the car in drive and left the parking lot.

I thought to myself, it would really be cool if I could date Scotty, but it wasn’t a good idea. I wasn’t a real girl and it wasn’t fair to Scotty, even if we did like one another. He wants a girl friend, not a freak like me.

Jake woke to the sound of his phone going off. It was his wife calling. Since he had decided to run, he hadn’t taken her calls. He was paranoid that the Cops were listening and would be tracing her calls. So he hit the busy button and set the phone down on the table.

It was the middle of the afternoon, and he had one hell of a headache, He looked over and found that James had already left. For the moment, he had the place to himself. That suited him fine he needed to get the place ready, but the first thing he needed was to a drink to clear the cobwebs out of his head.

Jake then picked up the bottle of whiskey and poured it into a glass. He drank it and poured another.  Then walked over to his bag and took out the battery powered drill and a latch, along with some screws. He installed the bracket, and then lined it up so that he could padlock the door from the outside.

After he finished up with the door, he moved to the windows and drilled a medal bracket that had bars running across then lifted up and placed the locking bracket in place and drilled the screws into place there was no way anyone was going to be able to exit the cabin though the windows. After he finished up he spent a few minutes testing the bars form both sides of the cabin and the bars held tight.

The last step was for him to secure the inside of the cabin, which he did by installing a deadbolt that required a key to open. Once Jake was sure that the cabin was ready, all that needed to be done was wait for the right moment and grab the boy, but he forgot that he was still waiting on Brian.

Sarah Roberts was a complete mess. It had been four days since she had last seen or heard from her husband. She had even contacted the police a few times, just to check if they were holding him. They knew nothing about his whereabouts, and the more that she thought about it, the angrier she became. It was all Andrew’s fault, and because of him, she was about to lose everything, even their home. She detested the idea of being destitute and having to depend of the charity of others, but if something didn’t happen by the end of the month, she would have no choice but to move in with her sister.

Word had already started getting around about what had happened. People were not stupid, they could piece together that more was going on than just a child’s suicide attempt. With the police hanging around the area, looking for Jake, people that they had considered friends started shying away from Sarah. They didn’t want any part of what was going on.

Sarah felt that her life was pretty much over in Burnaby. She figured that they would be looking for a fresh start somewhere, just her and Jake. As far as she was concerned, Andrew was the cause of all there hardships. They were better off without him. Once all this craziness was over, they would be leaving together. Sarah went back to her packing. Without Jakes help, it was going to be a big job.

It had been a lot of fun, for the most part. Once I got past the initial fear of being outside the house as a girl, and even though it had been stressful dealing with Scotty, it did manage to do one thing. I was no longer afraid to be seen in public. If Scotty saw me as a girl, one that he wanted to date, then I knew that everyone else would see the same thing. This gave me a new confidence.  

Once we made it home, Jennifer and Megan helped me sort and put everything away.  When we finished, we headed into the kitchen and grabbed a few cans of coke, then took a seat at the table. Janice came in carrying a bag and said, “Here Jessica, I picked these up for you at the mall, she then handed me the bag. Inside was a white box, which I opened and found two really expensive breast forms that were almost a perfect match to my skin.

“I ran over and gave Janice a big hug and kiss. “Thank you Janice these are perfect.”

“This type glues on, Jessica.  You can pretty much wear them with anything.” Janice said with a big smile, seeing how excited having them made me.

After we finished Janice told me to come with her and she would give me a hand putting them on. Once the two of us were alone, she told me to take off my shirt and bra, which really didn’t take me very long.  When she took the breast forms out of the box, she looked over at me.

“You may find them a little cold until they adjust to your body temperature.” She then ran her hand across my chest. “How often do you shave Andrew?

I looked over at her. “I have never had to shave at least not yet”

“That’s a bit surprising. Boys your age have usually started by now.”

“I really don’t mind Janice. It makes things easier.” I said with a smile.

“Maybe, honey, but its not really normal.” Janice said, frowning thoughtfully.

Janice started to attach the first breast form, but as she was pressing it against me, I winced in pain.

“Does that hurt you Jessica?” asked Janice.

“Just a little bit.” I said as I rubbed the area that was hurting.

Janice ran her hand over me and lightly pressed here and there then did the same to the other one.

“Jessica, how long has it been like this?”

I looked at he, nervously. “Maybe a couple of months, why? Is something wrong?”

“I really don’t want to worry you, but I think we need to get you in for a checkup.”

Janice then helped me glue the breast forms in place and once I was dressed I looked like I had grown my own real breasts.

After Janice and I were finished she said that she needed to make a few calls and I soon found myself upstairs with Jennifer and Megan. As soon as I was outside the door I could hear the two of them talking and when they saw me they quickly went  quiet. I looked at the both of them.

“Something tells me that whatever you are talking about concerns me.” I said with a frown.

I walked in and joined the two of them on the bed, Jennifer looked over at me.

“It’s just that we think Scotty likes you. You like Scotty, don’t you Jessica?”

“All right so I like Scotty.” I admitted. “It’s not like the two of us are going to get together and have babies or anything.”

“Well, there’s nothing really stopping you from dating him.” Megan said with a smile.

“Yes, there is, Megan, This thing between my legs would be a sure way to kill any romance between the two of us.”

“Not if you’re careful,” Jennifer said, smiling. “You plan on going for the operation, right?”

I looked over at her, “Yes, I plan on getting a sex change, but the most that’ll happen is that they’ll give me hormones for the next few years.”

Megan looked over at me. “Just because you’re not complete, it doesn’t mean that you can’t date. It just means you can’t go all the way with them and everything else is open game.”

I thought about what they were saying and guessed that they were right, I could still date someone but if they wanted more then what I could give them then I would have to break it off, who knows there might be someone out there willing to take things slow, but I would never know if I didn’t leave myself open to the idea.

It was around four o’clock when I noticed the time. I needed to make a call, so I went downstairs and found Janice in the kitchen.

“Janice, Amy asked me if I wanted to go to a movie tonight with her, is it alright?”

“Who is Amy, Jessica?” asked Janice

“She was my nurse at the hospital and well, she has been through a lot of the same things I have, and the two of us became friends.”

“All right Jessica, but I want to meet her first. What time is she coming?”

“Amy said she would pick me up around 6 pm, were going to grab something to eat and catch the 7 pm movie.”

“All right call her and tell her that you can go, but I want to meet her first, Jessica.”

“Thanks, Janice” I said with a smile.

 

Jake was sitting outside the cabin drinking a beer when his cell went off. He looked at the caller id, and he saw that it was Brian.

“Hi Brian, tell me you have some good news.”

“Yes Jake, but Vincent wants to talk to you first.”

“Be at Benny’s Steakhouse tomorrow at 3 pm and Jake, you’d better come sober.”

 
 

 

 

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 8

By, Cain129

 

 Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: Jessica spent her first day out in public, and somehow made it back in one piece. She had run into Scotty for the first time as a girl, and the sparks have begun to fly between the two of them. Jessica would love to get to know him better, but is afraid to allow him to get close. She’s very afraid that he could discover her secret.   At the same time Jake Roberts is busy getting ready for a heartfelt reunion with his son.

 

 

 There’s no such thing as a free ride

 

 Jake found himself in a spot after waking up.  He badly wanted a drink, but knew that he had to hold off, at least until after his meeting at 3 pm. From what Brian had said, Vincent didn’t like his people drinking when they were supposed to be working. This made Jake feel uncomfortable, he’d never been the type to take orders. He was much more comfortable giving them. That was the way it had been in the Army, until that unfortunate business that cost him his career. He needed Vincent’s help if he was going to stay out of jail, though. He wasn’t thinking about the consequences of his actions.  At this time, Jake was too fueled by anger.

 

There was a small town maybe a half hour’s drive away, so he got in his car and rode into town. There he found a small restaurant. The waitress came over with a menu and a cup of coffee. Jake’s hand was really shaking as he poured the milk and sugar into the cup, but managed to do it without making to much of a mess. He ended up wearing some when he tried to take his first drink. If this was any indication of what his day was going to be like, he knew it was going to be a terrible day. He placed his order, and then thought quietly, while taking another drink of his coffee.

 

After having his breakfast. Jake returned to the Cabin. He was really struggling with himself, as there was a bottle of whiskey that had been calling out to him all day. If he didn’t have to be at his 3pm appointment, he would have getting into it a long time ago. The people that he needed to deal with wanted him sober for the meeting and he didn’t dare cross them. Brian had told him plenty of horror stories about what they did to the people that had.

Even he was beginning to wonder why he had ever agreed to any of this. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea. Being sober for the first time in a long while had let him begin to think clearly, but now it was too late to back out.  He had set things in motion and the people that he was dealing with wouldn’t appreciate his wasting their time.

 

So at 3 pm, a sober Jake Roberts walked through the doors of the restaurant. As he entered he saw Brian sitting with a couple of other men. When Brian saw Jake, he waved him over to the table. Jake nodded and walked over to the table and waited till he was invited to take a seat with them. After he took a seat, Brian turned to the man sitting next to him.

“Jake Roberts, this is Vincent.”

Vincent reached across the table and shook Jake’s hand.

“Brian tells me you have a problem that you need help with?”

“Yes sir, I am trying to find my son.” replied Jake.

“I can help you, but there is always a cost. If I do this for you, then I will expect something from you.” Vincent said with a smile.

“What do you need?” asked Jake.

“Brian tells me you are pretty good with your hands. I need someone to collect some loans that are outstanding. If you take care of this, then I will help you, Jake.”

Jake looked over at Vincent. “Who and where?”

 

[-][+][-]

 

It was around 5:00 and I was inside my bedroom. Amy was supposed to be here around 5:30 to pick me up. I was really looking forward to seeing her. In the short time that I had known her, she had become an important part of my life. I think it was the fact that the two of us shared so much in common including the pain that we had both suffered.

 Megan had offered to help me with my makeup, but I wanted to do it myself and found that I could, provided I had the time. Everything was a learning experience for me, including makeup and hair. It was something that I had to do for myself if I was ever going to be independent. After my fourth try, I finally felt that I was done. When I looked in the mirror I liked the results.

I knew that I didn’t really need to wear makeup, let alone dress up, but this was a special night. Amy was going to meet the real me tonight. Until recently she had only known me as Andrew and I hoped that I would never have to put on that mask again. At the moment, Andrew was the last thing I wanted to be thinking about. He was the past and Jessica was my future. I had chosen the little blue sundress that I had bought at the mall; I loved it from the moment that I had seen it. It fit me like a second skin and the flowered pattern on it was awesome. As far as foot wear went I hadn’t mastered heels yet so I went with a pair of sandals.

After I finished up in the kitchen, I joined Anthony in the living room; he had his guitar out and a binder in front of him. He had been playing this song over and over again. He looked pretty frustrated; I took a seat on the couch next to him.

“What’s wrong”, I asked him

He looked at me. “It’s just this song that I have been writing. I have had it running through my mind now for quite a while, but can never seem to get it sounding the way that I want. Something is missing.”

I looked at him. “Why don’t you play it for me Anthony?”

Anthony nodded and started playing it through.  As I listened to him play, I noticed that the song wasn’t the problem. It was more in how it was being played. When he finished, I looked over at him and said “Can I give it a try?”

“Be my guest.” He handed me his guitar.

After I took the guitar from him, the first thing that I did was slow it down. I knew that his intention was to make it rock, but when I heard it being played it wasn’t ordinary rock that I heard. It was more of a “rocking country” kind of song, so I played it that way. Although there were no lyrics yet, I could easily see it being an easy song to put to words.”

When I finished playing, I looked over at him. “What do you think?”

“I like it Jessica! It’s a bit different then what I was going for, but your version works better then mine. I’m just wondering what it would sound like with a band behind it.” Anthony said with a smile.

“Well, I don’t have much time right now, because Amy should be here soon. When I get home, we can try playing it together.” I said with a smile.

“That sounds like a plan Jessica, I’ll program the song into the keyboard, that way we can have a piano and drums accompany us.” Anthony said with a smile.

“Do you have any lyrics yet?” I asked.

“Not yet, but since it sounds better as country number, maybe you can come up with something, Jessica!”

“I’ll give it a try Anthony, but it might take me awhile.”

“That’s fine Jessica, I’m not in any hurry, just give it a try!” Anthony said smiling.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

Chapter 18 - Learning to fly

 

Anthony and I were so caught up in working out the cords to the song and writing them down, that neither of us heard Amy arrive until we heard the doorbell ring.

 

“That must be Amy!  I’ll let her in!” I yelled, then ran over to the door.

 

When I opened the door, there was Amy. When she saw me, she just shook her head and smiled.

 

“Is that really you, Jessica?” She said with a smile.

 

I smiled back at her. “Yes, Amy, it’s the real me! Please come inside, everyone is dying to meet you.” I took her hand and dragged her inside.

 

“God, Jessica I am so happy for you. By the way, you look awesome!”

 

I smiled. “Thanks Amy. It feels wonderful just to be myself, and not have to pretend anymore.”

 

When I went inside the living room, Janice had joined Anthony. Megan was still upstairs with Jennifer, but I imagined that they would be down soon enough.

 

“Janice, Anthony, this is my friend Amy.”

 

Both Anthony and Janice came over and said hello to Amy, then asked her to have a seat and make herself at home.

 

Janice smiled, “I was a little worried about letting Jessica go out tonight without meeting you first, Amy, She has been through so much and we worry about her because of everything that has happened.”

 

Amy smiled. “You have nothing to worry about Janice.  Jessica is like a little sister to me, and I would never let anything happen to her.”

 

There is also one other thing that bothers us, Amy, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but there is quite an age difference between the two of you.” Janice said, frowning.

 

Amy looked at Janice then at Anthony and thought for a few minutes, then turned to me. I nodded to her, telling her it was all right to tell them if she wanted too.

 

“Jessica and I have a lot in common. The two of us have been through similar situations, and because of that we share a special bond. One that people might not understand.”  Amy told her as she undid the buttons on her sleeves of her blouse showing them the scars on her wrists.

 

Janice looked at Amy. “Oh, I am so sorry Amy! Jessica didn’t tell us about that.”

 

“Jessica wouldn’t tell anyone, she knows how embarrassing it can be. It’s hard to find someone you can really talk to that understands.” Amy said sadly.

 

I walked over to Amy and put my arms around her and said, “It’s all right, Sis”

 

Amy looked over at Janice and Anthony.

 

“I was about Jessica’s age when I tried taking my own life.” She said. “I was pretty lost and very confused as a kid. Like Andrew, I was also troubled. I realized that I had lesbian feelings. My parent disowned me when I came out to them, and still refuse to accept me to this day. They act like I don’t exist.

 

It’s been a long hard road for me. When Jessica came into my life, I knew what she was going to be up against. I wanted to help her get through it, because I didn’t have anyone to help me. I didn’t want Jessica to go through what I did alone, and I guess she also reminds me of my little sister, Beth. My sister and I were pretty close, and I guess that I miss having someone like her in my life. I know that Jessica can’t replace what I lost but having her in my life does kinda fill that void.” Amy said with a smile.

 

I looked over at Janice and Anthony, “Amy was the first person that I met when I woke up. I was tied to the bed and I wasn’t very happy, I guess. I was also pretty rude to Amy. She talked to me anyway, and told me her secrets. She really didn’t have to, it’s not her job, but she did it anyway.

 

Most of my life, I’ve felt alone. I thought that there was no one out there that could understand me. Amy’s been though a lot of the same experiences, and look at her now. I was planning on ending my life as soon as I found a way out of the hospital, but she showed me that I didn’t have to do it. If I was willing to accept who I was and ask for help, then I could be whoever I wanted to be. Without Amy I wouldn’t be here right now, I’d most likely be dead.”

 

Janice walked over to Amy. “I’m sorry we put you through all this, but I want you to know you’re always welcome here, Amy.  As far as I’m concerned, there is no one that I would rather have as a role model for Jessica then you.”

 

Anthony smiled and walked over, “I am glad that Jessica has someone like you, and like Janice said, you’re welcome here anytime.”

 

Amy looked over at the clock, “We’d better get going Jessica, if were going to have something to eat before the movie.”

 

“Amy, you’re more then welcome to join us for supper. There is plenty to go around!” Janice, said with a smile.

 

“What do you think, Jessica?” Asked Amy

 

“It’s fine with me!” I said with a smile.

 

Megan, Jennifer and Amy hit it off like I knew they would, and over supper everyone got to know each other better.  By the time Amy and I left, we were all friends.

 

I looked over at Amy. “Sorry about the third degree from Janice”

 

“It’s alright Jessica, you are lucky to have them in your life!  They really care about you, and that’s why they’re so protective.” Amy said with a smile as she put the car into drive, and the two of us were off.

 

 

 

End of Part 8

 

To be continue in part 9

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 9

By, Cain129

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: Things are beginning to change for Jessica. A new world has opened for her, and along the way she has been learning to come to grips with the person that she truly is inside. With the help of those around her, she is finally starting to understand how a real family interacts with one another. Jake Roberts, on the other hand has accepted Vincent’s offer and has agreed to be his enforcer. In exchange, Vincent will use his people to track down Andrew. Jessica is not the scared little kid that Andrew was, and Jessica will fight back.<!--break-->

 

Chapter 19

 

I had a great time at the movies with Amy. It was really nice being with someone other than Megan and Jennifer. Don’t get me wrong, I love the two of them to pieces!  The relationship that Amy and I had was somewhat deeper then even I could understand. Maybe it was because we really didn’t have any family that we could speak of, but when the two of us were together, I didn’t feel quite so alone anymore.  When I looked over at her I think that she felt the same way as I did. I guess we were just two lost souls that needed each other.

 

It really made me happy, knowing that the Tanner’s had accepted her so willingly. I knew that they were just concerned for my safety at first, but once they got to know her, they were able to see that she was special and someone that really meant a lot to me. After Amy dropped me off, I found Janice and Anthony were in the living room watching something on the television and as I was hanging up my jacket, Anthony asked me how my night was.

 

I smiled. “It was a lot of fun; we saw a really funny movie! Amy took me to see ‘Get Him to the Greek.’ I laughed so hard I almost had a little accident.” I said with a smile.

 

Anthony smiled, “Those are the best movies, honey. Minus the accidents, that is.”

 

“Janice and I were talking honey, and we think it’s nice that you have someone like Amy looking out for you”

I took a seat on the couch next to Janice and she asked me how I was feeling, I looked up at here and smiled.

 

“Life couldn’t be better, thanks for everything you are doing for me.” I said, and leaned over to give her a hug. “Where is Megan anyway?”

 

“Megan is over at Jennifer’s for the night. You can go over if you want honey. Jennifer said that you were more than welcome to join them when you came home.” Janice said with a smile.

 

I smiled, “It’s been a long day, and I need to get some sleep, beside if I go over there we’ll be up all night.”

 

Janice smiled, “You’re right honey. Slumber parties do usually end up that way.”

 

So for the next couple of hours I stayed up and watch a movie with Janice and Anthony. As we were watching, Janice put her arm around my shoulder. It felt really nice to be held like that. Mom never really showed me any feeling like that, so it felt a little weird at first. It was something that I could really get used to! I was so relaxed that I guess that I fell asleep as she held me. I wished that Anthony and Janice were my parents and not the people who had raised me.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

As I slept Janice reached over and tapped Anthony’s shoulder, when he turned his head and saw me asleep, he smiled.

 

“She looks pretty content doesn’t she?”Anthony said with a smile.

 

“Honey, I don’t know if I can do this.” Janice said with a frown. “Look at her, honey. It’s not so much a doctor that she needs right now, but good parents that accept her. There are plenty of good doctors that can help her with the abuse, but she needs a place to call home and parents that will love and protect her.” Janice said.

 

“Let me take care of her first.” Anthony said, as he stood up and carried Jessica to her room. He covered her up and closed the door as he left. After returning, he took a seat next to Janice and hit the mute on the remote, then turned towards his wife.

 

“I think that I know where this is going Janice, I know that you wanted another child but are you sure you want to go down this road?” Anthony said

 

Janice looked at her husband, “I don’t know, honey. That is the problem. I didn’t expect to develop feelings for her like this, but . . . well, after what happened today with Amy, I can’t help but see the truth. I’m overprotective of her. I thought about how I would have reacted if it had been Megan, and I know I would have felt the same.

 

I just don’t see her as a patient! All I see is a child that needs a mother and father. Think about it honey. I know we’ve talked about her going into foster care or a group home, but what do you think is going to happen to her there? Is she going to find love and support? I really don’t think so; all she’s going to find is more pain. I worry that no one is going to understand her or accept her. Honey, I don’t want that for Jessica.” Janice said as she started crying.

 

Anthony took Janice into his arms and held her. “I guess she’s had an effect on me too. I love having her here. It’s nice, having someone around that I can share my interest in music with and teach. I love Megan to death, but she doesn’t have the same interests as I do. She’s into other things, and that’s fine with me. I’m sure that whatever she decides to do with her life, she’ll be a big success. But Jessica hasn’t had the same advantages as Megan and unless she gets some of those things, I don’t really see her making it.

 

“What are you saying, Anthony?” asked Janice.

 

“If you want to adopt her, it’s alright with me, Honey.” Anthony said with a smile.

 

Janice frowned, “We should talk to Megan about it though. It’s going to affect her, she’s always been an only child.”

 

“Let’s not tell the kids anything for now, Janice; I want to talk to Bill Jonah first. I have no idea how this is going to work, can it be done through the courts or do we need the parents to sign off. The last thing that I want to do is to get Jessica’s hopes up, and then have them come crashing down if something happens to prevent the adoption.”

 

“All right honey, but I’m going to start looking into finding her another doctor. I don’t feel I should be both a doctor and a mother to her.” Janice said with a smile.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

The following morning I woke up with awful craps in my tummy. I just didn’t feel very good, but I slowly pulled myself out of bed. I realized that I was still wearing my sundress from last night. I must have fallen asleep while watching the movie with Janice and Anthony. I guess that Anthony carried me to bed, because I really doubted that Janice would have been able to do it on her own.

 

I slowly made it to the bathroom. After spending the next 10 minutes on the toilet the cramps finely subsided and I started feeling better. I then ran a nice hot bubble bath and climbed inside. The warmth of the water felt nice against my body and was also really relaxing. I thought about last night, how weird it was to spend the night watching television with Janice and Anthony, and how much I enjoyed their company.  It also made me sad though, knowing that soon all this would be coming to an end. I would likely end up in a foster care home and I really had no idea what that would mean for Jessica.

 

 After I finished my bath, I pulled the plug and let the water go down the drain. I grabbed a towel and started drying myself off.  I rubbed the towel against my chest, and found that putting pressure against the breast forms was really uncomfortable.  I thought about taking them off, but really liked how they made me look. Going without them wasn’t an option. I did use the solution to dissolve the glue from them and when I got dressed, I just placed them in the cups of my bra.

 

I also notice that my tummy was still pretty sore to the touch and I felt bloated. Maybe I was coming down with a stomach flue but I managed to get myself dressed. I was going to just wear a pair of jeans, but I found that with the bloating, they were too uncomfortable. I had a new skirt that we had bought at the mall, and I tried it on. It felt much better, so I just grabbed a white blouse to wear with it.

 

The next thing that I did was my makeup. I just went with a little lipstick and blush. I wasn’t expecting to be going very far today and to be honest, I really wasn’t feeling like doing anything other then hanging around the house. I made my way to the kitchen and found for the moment that I seemed to be the only one up. This was nothing new to me. When I lived with my parents, I pretty much had to take care of making my own breakfast before going to school.

 

I grabbed a bowl and mixed up some eggs, then cut up some peppers and shredded some cheddar cheese, then mixed it all together. At the same time, I had a frying pan on the stove with butter melting inside it. I spread the butter around the pan, and then I fried up some bacon.  When it was ready, I added it to the mix, then poured the mix into the frying pan and let it cook. I also put some bread in the toaster. I guess the smell of food cooking must have awakened Janice.

 

“Something sure smells good!” she said, as she made her way into the kitchen.

 

 “I hope you’re hungry, I made enough for all of us.” I said, smiling as she took a seat at the table.

 

“You could have waited, honey, I would have made something up! I do appreciate that you took care of it this morning.” Janice said smiling.

 

“It’s alright, Janice I’m used to it. Most of the time when I was living with my parents, if I wanted something to eat I had to take care of it myself. Because of that, I’m a pretty good cook now.” I said with a smile.

 

“Maybe you could teach Megan, then.”  Janice suggested, smiling.

 

I laughed, “I am not a miracle worker, Janice! I love Megan to pieces, but that girl could find a way to burn water.  I remember when she made peanut butter brownies one time. They ended up hard as bricks, but I didn’t have the heart to tell her.”

 

Janice laughed, “I guess Megan takes after her dad. Anthony is the same way in the kitchen. It’s getting to the point that I’ve barred him from cooking at all. If I am out, count on ordering fast food.”

 

I laughed. “My dad is the same.  I’m sure he would have starved if Mom wasn’t there to take care of him. He rarely eats, but when he does he complains that it tastes bad. It’s not that the food tastes bad, I think it’s because he’s always drinking. It’s got to do something to how the food tastes to him. I’m just glad that I don’t have to be hearing him complain anymore.  I guess till recently, it was a normal part of my life.  I never really paid much attention to it.” I said with a smile.

 

“That’s because it was part of your normal life, Jessica. I guess that until now, you’ve tuned that part of your life out. There will be other things that will happen, honey, and I want you to know that if you want to talk about it I am here for you anytime you need me. I know for a fact that Anthony thinks the world of you. Believe me, if you want to talk to him, he’ll make time for you.” Janice said, as she poured us some orange juice.

 

“Should we get Anthony up, Janice?” I asked

 

“I’ll go get him, honey; you can finish setting the table.” Janice told her as she stood up.

 

A few minutes later, Anthony came in followed by Janice; he still looked half asleep.  I went over and started putting on a pot of coffee.

 

“Good morning, honey!” Anthony said, as he came over and gave me a hug while I was filling a plate for him.

 

“Good morning Anthony.” I said as I handed him a plate for himself and one for Janice, then I filled one for myself and joined the two of them at the table.

 

“Sorry we never got to work on the song last night, Anthony. I guess that my mind was somewhere else last night and maybe I was also a little tired.”

 

“That’s alright Jessica; there is lots of time for us to work on that.” Anthony said with a smile and took a bite of his omelet, “God, this is good Jessica! You are welcome to cook anytime you want!”

 

“Yeah Jessica, this is one of the best omelets I have ever had!” Janice said as she took another bite.

 

I had to admit to myself that it felt pretty good having people that were thankful whenever you did something nice for them.

 

“Thanks, it’s really no big deal. I am happy you like it.” I said with a smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Chapter 20

 

Sarah Roberts was not having much fun. Not only had she lost her son, but as the days went on, she felt like she’d lost the only man that she had ever really loved. She could feel all her hopes and dreams slipping away as the days went on. She was almost at the end of her rope. Everything felt hopeless and she was thinking that there was really only one thing left for her to do, but she was so paralyzed with fear that she couldn’t do anything about it.

 

She wondered how her life had reached this point. It was not supposed to be like this. Family was supposed to stick together. She thought to herself, if only Andrew had been born a girl, like the doctors said, then none of this would have happened.  Instead she ended up with some kind of freak that neither Jake nor her could understand, let alone help. Deep down, she knew that this was no way to think of her child, but she just couldn’t help herself.  It was just the way she felt. 

 

Feeling completely lost she picked up her phone and gave her sister a call. She was tired of being alone with her own thoughts she needed to be with someone till this was over and the only one she could turn too was.

 

“Hi Sis, can I stay with you for awhile? I think that if I stay here any longer I am going to loose my mind.”

 

“Sure Sarah, I will make up a bed for you.” Barb said

 

“Thanks Sis, I will see you in a bit.” Sarah said as she ended the call.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

 

After breakfast, Anthony and I worked on the song again trying to get our timing down just right. It took us quite a few tries to get it right, but I didn’t really care. I found myself happier then I had ever been. After the last attempt at the song, I took a seat and started working on the words. As we had played it, the words started forming in my mind. I just needed to get them to paper before I lost them. I listened to Anthony play the song and continued writing whatever came to mind. When he reached the end of the song I was fairly sure that I had it down, but wouldn’t really know till I tried singing it.

 

The first few attempts were terrible and would have likely made someone with perfect hearing wish that they were deaf. After a few more tries, I made the necessary changes and slowly managed to get though the song once. After a few more tries, we felt we were able to get it right, although there still were a few problems with our timing. That could easily be worked out with more practice. It was around noon when Megan and Jennifer came in. They both wanted to hear the song that Anthony and I had been working on. We found ourselves playing it one more time for everyone. Janice joined us for our first live performance.  Well, maybe it wasn’t such a big deal, but they were people and they were alive, anyway. Since I didn’t wake up with a toe tag, I knew that I was all right for another day. We did the song one more time, but this time Anthony and I had the timing perfect. As I sang the song, I could feel the emotions building up inside me. They say a good writer uses his or her life experiences when they write a book or even a song and that is where this song came from. Anthony and I may have done the background music, but every word came from my heart and as I sang the song it brought tears to my eyes. I knew that there was only one name for this song “I’m tired of crying, and you can’t hurt me anymore.”

 

As I came to the end of the song I was amazed that I was able to finish it. I was so lost in it that I had tuned everyone and everything out. I could hear Megan and Jennifer trying to talk to me, but I was just too worked up.  Janice told everyone that she needed to talk to me alone. Once everyone had gone and it was just Janice and I, she took a seat on the bed and just wrapped her arms around me.

 

“It’s alright baby, let it out. It’s alright to cry, and I know it’s hard. You can’t keep holding it inside, hoping it’ll all go away.”

 

I found myself fighting the tears, trying to hold on but it was useless. The floodgates opened and I was crying like a baby on Janice’s shoulder. She wrapped me up in her arms and just held me, stroking my hair and telling me everything was going to be alright.

 

“Why, why, why?” I cried.

 

“Why, what baby? Tell me.” Janice said as she held me.

 

“Why don’t they love me? Am I that terrible?  God, I wish that I was never born!”

 

“Don’t say that baby, there is nothing wrong with you.” Janice said, softly.

 

“Look at me Janice! I’m a freak, I’m not a boy and I’m not a girl, what am I?”

 

“You are whoever you want to be, Jessica. It’s up to you; just don’t give up on yourself.”

 

“It’s so hard here, Janice. I see you and Anthony with Megan and it hurts so bad inside. I know that I should be happy for her, but God help me, I’m not! Why does she get to be happy and I my life is so miserable. It’s not fair, Janice!” I wailed.

 

I started crying harder, but soon I was screaming in pain. The cramps were back and they hurt worse then earlier. 

 

“Jessica, what’s wrong?” Janice asked, as I was grabbing my tummy. Within minutes I heard Janice scream for help as everything went black.

 

 

End of part 9

 

To be continued in part 10

 

 

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 10

By, Cain129

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: Things are not always as they seem, and every now and then life has a way of throwing its own little surprises into the mix. Sometimes those surprises can be a blessing or a curse. I was screaming in pain. The cramps were back and they hurt worse than earlier. That was when everything went black.<!--break-->

 

Chapter 21

 

Janice screamed out to someone call 911; she pulled up Jessica’s blouse and took a look around the area that Jessica had been holding before she passed out. It looked very swollen, and as she pressed on it she could feel that there was a lot of pressure pushing back and there was definite discoloration.

Although Janice’s specialty was not in that kind of medicine, in her years of medical school she’d had to learn many things. To her, it looked like some kind of internal bleeding, possibly her appendix.   If that was true, Jessica would have been in pain much longer then she had appeared to be. In any case, Janice knew something was definitely not right with Jessica.

Anthony came running into the room with the phone in hand.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, fearfully.  

“I don’t know, honey.” Janice said nervously as she took her pulse.

“I have the operator on the line.” Anthony said. “What do I tell them?”

“Tell them that her pulse is normal and she is breathing fine. She’s in severe pain, and it looks like there could be some internal bleeding.” Janice tried to stay calm, but she couldn’t help being anxious.

Megan and Jennifer were standing at the door.   Both of them were crying and very worried about their friend. In the distance you could hear the siren of the ambulance coming closer.

“Mom, what’s wrong with her?” cried Megan.

“I don’t know, honey, but we’re going to find out. Don’t worry baby, believe me, everything will be all right.” Janice held Jessica in her arms, carefully.

 [-][+][-]

 

After the ambulance arrived, Janice climbed in the back with Jessica. Anthony said that he would take the kids with him in the car.   The ride to the hospital was a long one. Janice reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone. She dialed Dr. Masters’ number and listened to it ring a few times before he answered.

  “Hi John, Janice here. By any chance are you at the hospital?”

“I’m home, what’s going on? Jessica didn’t try something stupid again, did she?”

“No John, but something else is seriously wrong; we’re in an ambulance right now, headed for the hospital. Is there any way you can get there?”

“I’ll be there as fast as I can. Tell the Doctor on call that she’s my patient and I’ll be there shortly. Can you tell me anything about her condition?”

“She was fine, just upset one minute, and then she started screaming in pain and said something about having really bad cramps and she passed out. When I checked her over, I found that the area felt hard to the touch and it had a bluish discoloration. I’m worried that it could be internal bleeding, John.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out. I’ll see you at the hospital soon and Janice, it might not be a good idea to have her admitted under his real name.   There may be some issues. The police are still looking for Andrews’s father and as far as I know he is still at large.”

“What name should I admit her under then?”

“Admit her under the name of Jessica Dawn Tanner, and when you get the chance, explain to the doctor on call that Jessica is a transsexual. I know most of the doctors at the hospital, and they will keep it quiet. All right Janice, I have to get going. I will see you at the hospital.”   John said as he ended the call.

 [-][+][-]

 

After arriving at the hospital, Janice was met by a doctor and nurses that were waiting for them. She told the doctor that Dr. Masters was Jessica’s doctor, and would be in shortly.

He smiled. “That’s fine, but for right now, let’s get her inside and see if we can discover what’s going on.”

  Janice followed the doctor into emergency.   Once Jessica had been admitted, she filled out the paperwork, then joined Jessica in the examining room.

It was about that time when Jessica started coming around. As she opened her eyes, she was slightly blinded by the lights, but knew that she wasn’t alone. She could feel someone holding her hand, and when she turned her head she could see that it was Janice and she looked like she had been crying.

“God, my tummy hurts! What’s wrong with me?”   I asked, wincing from the pain.

“I don’t know baby, but we are going to find out. How long have you been having those cramps, Jessica?”   Asked Janice

I looked over at her, while breathing heavily from the pain. “Off and on for a few months. Usually they’re not this bad, and they only last for a few days.”

“When was the last time you saw a doctor, Jessica?”

“I was maybe eight years old, other then recently.”

“Did your mother and father know that you were having pain?” Janice asked her.

“I told Mom, but she said it was just indigestion, and it would go away and it always did, until now, anyway. It hurts really bad, Janice!”

A few minutes later the ER doctor and nurse quickly came into the room, “Hello, I see you’ve finally joined the rest of us, Jessica. I’m Dr, Jennings, and I’ll be taking care of you until Dr. Masters arrives. We’ll get you on some pain medication as soon as we can. I need to know what’s happening, so I’m going to be sending you down to x-ray to get some pictures taken, and the nurse   will be taking a little of your blood. Is that all right Jessica?”

I nodded and undid my sleeve on my blouse and the nurse came over. She tried to be gentle but it still hurt, and she filled five vials. Then she took a cotton ball and told me to hold it over where she had taken the blood, while she wrote down the information.

While this was going on, Janice stood up and asked to talk to Dr. Jennings alone.

“There are a few things that you need to know. Jessica is a transsexual and I am counseling her. It might be a good idea that you call x-ray and let them know that she is coming down. They mustn’t make a big deal out of it, as she is very fragile right now. She was apparently abused before my husband and I took her in.”

“You’re telling me that she is a boy?” Dr. Jennings asked, shaking his head. “I would have never guessed. How long has she been in transition?

“It’s been about a week now since she started.” Janice said.

Dr. Jennings shook his head, “That is unbelievable. I have seen transsexuals before, but never one so convincing.”

Janice smiled. “She is not trying to convince anyone, this is the person she has always been. The only difference is her clothes.”

Dr. Jennings and Janice returned to Jessica, and Dr. Jennings walked over to her. “Hang in there, you’re very brave. If it means anything, you make a very beautiful young lady, too.”

I soon found myself being quickly taken down to x-ray. I hoped this wouldn’t take long; I was in a lot of pain! I tried to tell Janice that she didn’t have to come, I would be all right, but she refused to leave my side.  

I looked over at her. “You told Dr. Jennings about me, didn’t you?

“Yes honey, when you get to x-ray, you will have to have to undress. I’m sure they’ll notice that you’re not complete yet. I wanted to make sure that they knew that you were coming. I hope you don’t mind, Jessica?”

“It’s alright, I understand you are doing what you feel is right.”

“You need to understand something baby. I will not let anyone hurt you, and if anyone does, God help them!” Janice said

I was overtaken by what Janice had just said, and found myself crying again.

“Hang in there honey, we’ll find out what’s wrong.” Janice said, squeezing my hand.

“It’s not the pain, Janice, I am just happy”, I said with a smile.

 [-][+][-]

 

Janice was right I had to get undress but she helped me and I soon found myself in a hospital robe and lying on the stretcher, then the attendant smiled at me.

“Hi Jessica, I’m Tracy. We are going to do our best not to hurt you at all.   The doctor has ordered an ultrasound to look at what is going on inside you. Just relax, sweetie.” She then rubbed gel all over my tummy and took the wand and slowly ran it up and down my tummy and as she worked she kept talking to me.

She smiled, “You know Jessica, you are not what I expected.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, when Doctor Jennings told me that you were coming, I was expecting to see a boy dressed as a girl. Looking at you, though, I don’t see a boy at all.” She then turned back to the monitor, and then looked at me with a look of shock on her face.

“What is it I asked?”

“I think it would be best if you waited to talk to your doctor. I have something else that I need to do Jessica, and it might be a little embarrassing, but it’s important.”

  I said alright. She then pulled my panties down lower, put more gel on me and ran the wand over me for a few more minutes, and then told me that we were finished.

Jessica, I think you are a very brave girl. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and believe me life is full of surprises, Tracy said as I was being wheeled out of the room.

 

 Chapter 22

 

After Janice and I returned to emergency and I was wheeled back into my room, Janice said she was going to make a quick run to the waiting room to let everyone know what was going on, but she would be back in a few minutes.   As I lay on the bed a nurse came in carrying a needle.

“Dr. Jennings ordered this for you; it will help to ease your pain, honey.”

I let her inject me with it and found that after it started working, the pain was much less. I could still feel the pressure down below. At least it wasn’t hurting like it was.

 [-][+][-]

 

When Janice entered the waiting room she found her family waiting, Anthony came over to her and gave her a hug, “How is she doing?”

“She’s in a lot of pain but holding on. We’re just waiting on the results of her blood work and an ultrasound, when those come in we should know more. Why don’t you go see her Anthony? I’m sure she’d like to see you, and I’ll let Megan know what is going on.”

“All right, what room is she in?” He asked.

“She’s in the third room on the right,” Janice said, taking a seat next to her daughter.

“How’s Jessica doing Mom?” asked Megan.

“She’s going to be all right honey, but she’s in a lot of pain right now. I need to ask you something, honey. Your father and I were going to wait but I think that it’s important that you and I discuss it now. How would you feel if Jessica stayed with us permanently?

“What do you mean, like, adopt her Mom?”

“Maybe honey, we are not even sure if we can, that will be up to the courts.“

“I don’t know Mom; this was supposed to be temporary. Don’t get me wrong, I like Jessica a lot, but this is different. We would be sisters.”

“I know Megan, you would be sisters, but I need you to look at the bigger picture. Put yourself in Jessica’s shoes. Think about what your life would be like if you were in her place, having her parents and living her life. Tell me how you would feel.” Janice suggested, hoping that her daughter would understand.

“Honey, I want you to think about this for awhile. If we do this, it’s going to be a decision that is going to affect all of us including Jessica. That poor girl is scared to death and has no idea what is going to happen to her. She will likely end up in foster care, living with people who neither love her nor accept her, and that is no life for her. She needs a real family that will love her, and we can do that as family.

Now I think that we should join your father, the results should be back soon and Jessica is going to need us, okay?”

 [-][+][-]

 

Megan thought about what her mother had been saying. She tried to put herself in Jessica’s position and thought about what it had been like for Andrew, living with his parents, and everything that she had read about in his journal. The life that Andrew led was a sad one, full of pain and suffering at the hands of people that should have loved and protected him.

She thought about what happened once he moved into her home, and was allowed to just be himself. That’s when Jessica finally emerged. Jessica was a fragile girl that was slowly starting to break free of her bonds. There was this look in Jessica’s eyes that Andrew never really had. Andrew had always had sad, empty eyes like someone that was waiting to die. Jessica, her eyes were bright and lively, she wanted to live and she was always happy and you could see it in her eyes especially when she was with Megan’s parents.

Megan worried about Jessica, but she was also a little jealous.   At times it almost felt like they were starting to care for Jessica more than they did her. Deep down, she knew that it wasn’t true, though. Seeing how sick Jessica was at the moment, the only thing that she could think about was that someone she cared about was hurting, and it was time that she grew up. She walked over to Jessica and climbed on the bed with her and gave her a hug

I looked up at Megan. “What was that for?”

“Because I love you, Sis, but I could kick your butt for dragging me back here.” Megan said, smiling.

“I love you too, Megan,” I said, returning the hug with one of my own.

[-][+][-]

An hour later, Dr. Masters arrived carrying a patient chart in his hand. He had a big smile on his face.

“You must love hospitals; that’s the only time I get to see you!   It’s a good thing that you came in though, because we’re going to have to operate.”

“What’s wrong with me, Doc?” I asked him.

“You, my young lady, have a condition called Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia”

“What the hell is that?” I asked.

“Let’s just put it this way honey, when we did the ultrasound, what we found was a complete surprise. Inside, you have all the normal female reproductive organs, like ovaries and fallopian tubes, and all that stuff.”

“How is that possible? I have a penis!” I said in shock.

“The condition tends to work that way, Jessica. Most patients appear to be male until puberty, then they start to develop. You are just a late bloomer. The immediate problem is that you are having your period as we speak, and unfortunately there is nowhere for the discharge to go.   That is why you are having the painful cramps and swelling. When we’re done with you, though, everything will be as God intended it to be.”

“I was a girl all along?” I said, in utter shock.

“Yes Jessica, you are a girl and you always have been.” Dr. Masters said with a big smile.

As I sat there, I was in complete shock. I was overwhelmed by my emotions. Megan just held me and told me she was so happy for me, as did Janice and Anthony. All I was able to do was cry, because for the first time in my life, I truly believed that dreams could come true.

 
 
 

End of part 10

To be continued in part 11

---

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 11

By, Cain129

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: All of my life I believed that there was no such thing as miracles. I’ve prayed ever since I first came to understand whom and what I really was, but everything that I had known had pretty much changed over night with just six words. “You have always been a girl.” How is it possible? I really don’t know, nor do I really care. To me, it was a miracle and a gift beyond all comparison, even though I’m pretty much scared to death.

 

Chapter 23

Dreams Sometime Do Come True!!!

  

Shock is a funny thing, especially the way it can numb you to just about everything around you. I was completely in shock. I tried to understand just how I could be a girl, but no one knew it, other than me, that is. I had always known deep down that I was a girl trapped in the wrong body. Over the years I had come to accept that this was my fate, and I would be stuck this way for the rest of my life.

I thought about all the times that I came home from school battered and bruised. My father would tell me to be a man, and stand up for myself. All of those wasted nights I spent in my room, crying to a God that never seemed to listen to me. I would pray that he would make me normal, like everyone else. Nothing ever changed, if anything, it seemed that things kept getting worse.

There are many ways to change yourself, but when you truly hate your own body, it can be so hard. I had hated everything about myself for so long. It seemed that I would never have any happiness, only pain and despair. As I looked around the room I saw Janice with tears of happiness in her eyes. Megan was hugging me, telling how happy she was for me, and then there was Anthony, smiling from ear to ear.

They may not have been my family, but they did love and support me. I mean, what     is a family, really? It can’t just be blood. My own life experience has taught me that just giving birth to a child doesn’t make you a mother. Neither does donating sperm make you a father. The thing that makes someone a real parent is their actions.

After the initial shock of the news set in, I became more vocal. I had been so overwhelmed after learning the truth. So when Janice asked me how I was feeling, I just smiled.

“Almost normal, for the first time in my life.”

Megan looked over at her mother and father.

“Mom, you know what we were talking about earlier? Let’s do it, but I want to tell her, is that alright?”

Janice looked at Anthony. “I’m sorry honey, but with everything that was happening I just couldn’t wait.”

“Its fine, honey. We’ll find a way to make this work, I just know it.” Anthony looked at Megan. “Go ahead Megan, tell her”

Megan smiled at me,” Jessica you are already like a sister to me, and we want to make it legal and adopt you.”

Janice smiled at me as did Anthony, then she asked me. “Would that be all right with you Jessica?”

Heading those words, I broke down crying like a baby again and could barely speak other then just a few words. “……Yes, I would like that!!!”

Anthony sat on my bed and took my hand. “Jessica, we will try to make this happen, but it will be up to the courts to make the decision. They will most likely want to talk to you about it, so just tell them what you want, honey.”

“All right, Daddy.” I said as I wiped the tears from my eyes, Janice came over and took me into her arms and gave me a hug and kiss.

“Welcome to the family, baby.” She said as she held me tight.

I looked over at Megan and whispered. “Thanks, Sis.”

She smiled. “Just get better Jessica, you and I have a lot of work ahead of us.”

I smiled at her. “You know that none of this would have been possible without you, Sis. I know we’ve had our hard times, but I love you to death.”

“I love you too, Jessica.” Megan said as she hugged me.

A little while later I was wheeled down to the operating room, scared to death. Janice stayed with me the whole time. Before they put me out I asked her to call Amy and let her know what happened. Janice smiled at me.

“Don’t worry honey, I’ll call her!   Now go to sleep and when you wake up, we’ll be starting a whole new journey together as mother and daughter!” She kissed me just before they gave me an injection and I was soon asleep.

[-][+][-]

 

Chapter 24

After 16 years labor, Jessica emerges

 

I’d like to say I woke up to a perfect world that was all love and wonderful, but if that was the case, chances are I was in a medical coma and living in some twisted alternate universe. In reality, I woke up in more pain then I had ever felt before and it didn’t take very long before I would need something to deal with it. I looked over and found Janice stretched out in the chair, sleeping beside me. When I looked at the clock it was 6 am. She had spent the whole night with me. I’d never known or really expected her to, but I was thankful that she did. I called out to her, and she slowly stirred.  

“Good morning Jessica, how’s ‘my girl’?”

“It hurts really bad, Mommy.”

“Let me get the nurse for you baby, Dr. Masters left something for the pain.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I said with a smile.

A few minutes passed before Mom returned, followed by a nurse.  

She smiled at me. “It’s good to see you decided to join the living again. I have something here for the pain.”

  She then handed me a cup that had 3 pills inside, and poured me a cup of water. I swallowed it all down quickly. Not only was I in pain, but my throat was very dry. The nurse said she would be back to check on me later then left me with my new mom.

“You didn’t have to stay all night, I would have understood mom”, I said

“It’s alright honey; I wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyway.” Janice said with a smile.

“Were you able to get a hold of Amy last night?”

“Yes honey and she said that she would be in to see you sometime this morning”

“Do you have any idea how long it will be before I can go home, Mom?”

“I would guess a few days at least honey, Dr. Masters is not the kind of man that will send you home unless he feels you’re ready. Your stay would likely be at least a week or more if it wasn’t for the fact that he knows that I am capable of taking care of you.

“All this feels like a dream and I don’t want to wake up, Mom.”

“It’s not a dream baby, it’s all real and soon you will be home where you belong.”

“Can I ask you something Mom?”

“Sure Honey, what is it?”

“Why would you want to adopt someone like me, especially with all my problems?”

“I am going to be honest with you honey, when Megan first asked me to take care of you, I was against it. I had made a promise to my family that I would be a mother first. The day that you tried to take your life, Megan and I saw firsthand how violent your father was. He came here with every intention of taking you home, not for your own good but to protect himself. Had Detective Johnson not been here, he might have got to you. I was really scared that if he got his hands on you, something bad would have happened.

It was at that moment that I made up my mind, honey. I needed to protect you, because there was no one else that could. Then you came home with me and against my better judgment, I let you become Jessica full time. I knew that it would make you happy and I couldn’t stand the thought of you trying to hurt yourself. So, I let you do what you had to, and something wonderful started to happen, I watched you start to blossom and come out of your shell. I slowly started seeing the real you and the person that you could become.

Anthony and I have talked for along time about having another child, but it just never happened. Then you came along and needed a family that loved and supported you. There was also another problem, a doctor is not supposed to become emotionally attached to a patient. I broke that rule, because I couldn’t see you as a patient. I started seeing you as a mother sees a daughter and not as a doctor. It happened really fast and it was the same for Anthony. The longer you stayed, the harder it was for us, because we didn’t want to let you go.

It’s harder for Megan though, and she might need sometime to adjust. She has been an only child all of her life, and now she has a sister to deal with. She loves you so much that I believe that everything will work out fine.” Janice said with a smile.

“I have been so scared about having to leave, Mom. I’ve heard so many stories about group homes and foster care. I don’t think that I could have stayed there and still be safe.”

“Anthony and I were also worried about that. We brought you home with us to help you, and sending you there felt like we were fattening you up, just to feed you to the wolves.”

“What about my other parents, do you really think they will let me go without a fight?”

“I don’t think that they will have much choice Jessica; it will not be up to them. The courts will decide what is best for you, and with everything that has happened in the past, I really can’t see them having much say. Then there is the fact that you are 16, Jessica. You have the right to choose for yourself where you want to live.”

I thought about what Mom had just said. I had the choice, and if that was the case then I already knew the answer. I would choose to stay, and be their daughter and Megan’s sister. These were the people that loved, supported and accepted me even with all of my problems, rather than try to change me and make me something that I wasn’t. They embraced me for the person that I really was, and because of that, I was free. “Jessica Dawn Tanner”was finally born.

It was a painful birth, but considering the first sixteen years of my life, this pain was welcomed. It meant everything was about to change for me. Andrew was gone forever and I would never have to wear that mask again.   When it comes to change, nothing really changes without some kind of action. For me, it was time to stop playing the victim and start fighting for what I wanted from life, which meant I would have to eventually confront my birth parents.

Andrew was scared and couldn’t stand up to his parents, but Jessica was different. She had something that Andrew never had. Jessica had the love and support of a family that would stand by her and that was all she really needed.

“How is my girl doing”, asked Janice

“All right I guess, just thinking that eventually I’ll have to confront my parents.”

“You’ll have plenty of time for that, honey. Right now it’s more important that you get better so you can come home!”, Janice said with a smile.

I smiled at Janice. “I wish that we could go now! I’ve never really had a place where I felt safe until I moved in with your family. I found it hard at first, everything was so different than what I was used to, especially how you all related to one another. I wanted so much to have what that kind of relationship with my own parents.”

“Jessica, the relationship that you had with your parents was never a healthy one. I suspect that most of the problems that you had with your parents were mostly of their own making! I think if we were able to go back in time and see what their childhood was like, we’d find that there was a lot of abuse. It doesn’t make what they did to you right, but both of them were damaged goods from an early age. It’s very likely that they were abused just like you were, and if something isn’t done it can be passed to the next generation. You’re the lucky one, Jessica. You can break the mold and become someone else. There is no reason that you need to follow their example.” Janice said with a smile.

I thought about that, and almost felt sorry for my parents. Maybe someday I could forgive them, but it wouldn’t be today. Too much had happened and it takes time to heal. Maybe some wounds can never be healed.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Chapter 25

Between love and Hatred

 

  I could tell that Mom was exhausted, but she refused to leave my side until I finally told her that if she didn’t go home and get some rest, I was going to climb out of bed, crawl to the nearest pay phone, call Daddy and tell him to drag her home.   Yes, it was a bluff! It would have been impossible for me to even get out of bed, considering I had wires attached all over   my body, and these nasty looking tubes running out of me in the most inconvenient places. She did get the hint and with a hug and kiss she was on her way.

At around 8am they started dropping off our breakfast, but to be honest I was too sick to really eat anything. The guy that was delivering the food did leave me some orange juice and toast. There really wasn’t much I could do, other then lay in bed and watch the nurses and doctors running around outside my room. For the most part, it wasn’t very entertaining. There was this one patient, a woman that looked to be in her late 60’s, that kept getting lost and wondering from room to room.   The poor woman didn’t know where she was, and was looking for her family.

God bless her soul though, she was a very sweet old lady and kept escaping her room. She called me Darla, and I think she thought I was her daughter. She told me theses stories about when she was my age. I had to admit that the old lady had lived a colorful life, and her stories were pretty funny too. Eventually her nurse came and they moved her off to another wing that I guess was more secure. I was kind of sad seeing her go, she was good company, but it was probably for the best. She needed more care then they could give her here, and God forbid if she wandered off and ended up somehow hurting herself.

[-][+][-]

Jake Roberts was a busy man lately and not really all that happy either. Working for Vincent was starting to become a real pain in the ass. He was never alone! Vincent had assigned one of his goons to follow him around while he collected the money that was owed. Most of the time, just the sight of Jake and Rocco was enough to make the people pay up what was owed. Jake had his own plans that he wanted to get started on, and Vincent had yet to pay up on his part of the deal.

Rocco, on the other hand, had little use for Jake; Rocco was Vincent’s cousin and he didn’t think that they should have any part in this stupid scheme.   He was a family man, even though what he did for a living was not legal. He believed that family was everything, and Jake didn’t give a shit about his family. When Vincent told him to keep an eye on Jake, it was more of a babysitting job to him. Jake was a useless drunk. He might have once been useful to them with his years of military training but not anymore. Vincent liked a challenge, though. He thought if they could get him off the bottle, they could make good use of his skills.

Jake was hurting. It had been 2 days and he’d barely had anything to drink. It was driving him crazy. Every time he thought he was going to get a few minutes of peace there was Rocco and another job. All he wanted was just to have a few drinks, but nothing was working out like he had planned. Over the last couple of days, there were other things that were starting to get to him. Being unable to drink meant he was being forced to deal with things sober that he had been burying for years. He just knew if he could get away from Rocco, for even a few hours, he’d be able to have a few drinks to calm his mind. At the moment, that wasn’t an option.

“Let’s get going Jake, We have a few more stops to make before supper.” Rocco said.

[-][+][-]

As Jessica lay in bed she heard a knock outside the door. When she looked over, she saw Amy standing there holding a bouquet of flowers and a big stuffed teddy bear.

“Feel up for some company?” She said with a big smile.

“Come on in, Amy!” I said with a smile as I looked at the teddy bear.

Amy came over and gave me a hug and kiss. “I was so worried about you when Janice called, but then she told me everything. I just couldn’t believe it! You’ve always been a girl, that’s a real miracle honey!”   Amy said smiling from ear to ear.

“I know what you mean Amy, I am still waiting to wake up and find out it’s a dream.”

“Yeah, a dream come true!” Amy said with a smile.

“So much has happened, Amy. Discovering that I really am a girl, and being adopted by the Tanners, things like this never happen to me.”

“The Tanners are going to adopt you, Jessica?” Amy said surprised.

“Yeah, Amy, they broke the news to me last night before I went down to surgery.”

“That’s great news! I am so happy for you, Jessica. I think you are pretty lucky; you’ve been through so much. You deserve to be happy and have a family that loves and accepts you”, Amy said with a smile.

“Amy, you know that the two of us will always be like sisters. I never want to loose that. Having you in my life really means a lot to me.” I said and gave her a hug.

“I feel the same way little sister and there is so much that I need to teach you.” Amy said with a smile.

“That’s true! I missed out on a lot of stuff, but it’s nice to know that I have someone like you that I can talk to, Amy. When I get out of here you will have to come over for supper. I will even cook!”   I said, grinning.

“You know how to cook?” Amy asked.

“Yes, and I am pretty good at it. It’s the least that I can do for everything that you have done for me.”

“Believe it or not, Jessica, you have done a lot for me, too.”

“I don’t know about that, Amy. If anything, it’s the other way around.”

“Jessica, I know that you have felt alone for a long time, but you’re not the only one. I’ve felt the same way for quite a while. I do have someone special in my life, her name is Tara. I love her to death, but I miss my family. I miss being able to spend time with my little sister Beth. It’s worse for me around the holidays, because most of the time the only person I have to spend them with is Tara. She has her own family that she spends the holidays with. They always invite me, too, but it just isn’t the same.”

I felt sorry for Amy. I would be spared that fate thanks to the Tanners. I looked over at Amy.

“You know, Sis, there’s no reason you need to ever feel alone. I’ll always be there for you, anytime you need me. All you have to do is pick up the phone and I’ll be there.”

Amy leaned over and gave me a big hug. “You have no idea what that means to me.” Amy said wiping the tears from her eyes.

“I think that I do Amy.” I said as I hugged her back.

“Look at us, both crying.” Amy said with a giggle.

“It’s all right, Amy. We’re girls and were allowed to be emotional at times.”

   

End of part 11

To be continued in part 12

Synopsis: There is an old saying that says life is what you make it. These days, I firmly believe it to be true. I used to believe that God hated me. I was born into a world that wouldn’t accept me and I spent years praying to God to make me normal like other kids. My prayers remained unanswered, and I tried to end my suffering and take my own life. I guess that God finally took pity on me and decided to finally answer my prayers. They also say that he works in mysterious ways, and I’m living proof of that.

He turned my whole life completely upside down. He took me out of a uncaring home and placed me with a real family, one that loves and supports me, He gave me friends that would stand by me, no matter what. Of all the gifts that he gave me, the greatest gift of all was to make me a normal teenage girl.

 

Chapter 26

Sarah’s Story

 

Sarah Roberts was not having a very good time dealing with the loss of her family. She missed her husband terribly, and was even starting to miss her son. Andrew had always been there, and he would have at least tried to comfort her in his own way.   It was all the fighting between Andrew and Jake that bothered her most. She knew deep down that what had happened really wasn’t his fault. She had needed someone to blame. It was easier than looking within her for the real answers.

She thought about the day that her Doctor said that she was pregnant with a baby girl. It was the happiest day of her life, but there was also a part of her that was terrified to be a mother. She had come from an abusive home herself and told herself that it would be different for her child.   She was marrying a great guy that really loved her and wanted to have a family with her.

In truth, though, Sarah was filled with fear. She had suffered years of abuse at the hands of her own father, both mental and sexual abuse. Because of this, she had always had problems with trusting others and had very little self worth. Sarah’s mother had always refused to accept that the abuse was actually happening.

Sarah dealt with the abuse the only way she knew how, by hiding from it and keeping the secrets to herself. Never daring to talk to anyone about what was going on at home, and even blaming herself for the abuse.   It continued for years, and then she met a man that made her feel special and treated her like she was a princess. At first, she was afraid to let him get close to her.

She was afraid if she let him get to close, he would turn and run. Jake kept coming around, and slowly he broke down Sarah’s defenses. Jake was honest with her, and told her about what happened overseas. He had ended up in jail because of his drinking. Sarah worried about that, because she really didn’t want another man like her father in her life.   Jake had been sober for the last two years and she decided that she would give him a chance.

She had made the mistake and told Jake about the abuse. This had created a rift in the family. One day when the family was having a get together, Sarah’s father had said something to her which Jake took offense to, and he beat up her father. This pretty much ended all contact she had with her parents.

Sarah was so worried after that day that Jake would just walk away, not wanting to deal with all of the baggage. When he called her and said we need to talk, she was scared to death that he was going to break it off with her. He had picked a nice restaurant at least, but to her surprise he asked her to marry him instead. After the shock of his proposal she said yes, with Jake she felt loved and protected. She wanted nothing more then to be his wife and when he ordered the champagne for the two of them, it was all right because it was a special occasion.  

Most of Sarah’s family had turned their back on her because of what had happened with Jake and her father. It was a small wedding, with mostly his family in attendance.   The only family member on her side was her sister Janet and a few Sarah’s friends had come to support her as well. After their marriage, the two of them settled into a life together. When the Doctor said that she was pregnant and was going to have a baby girl, it was the happiest day of her life.

When Sarah broke the news to Jake, things started to change. Jake started spending more time working, and with the money rented a larger home for them. They spent hours shopping for everything that a little girl would need. By the time Sarah went into labor, they thought they had everything, but it was not meant to be. In the place of the baby girl that they had been expecting, there was a beautiful little baby boy.

Jake was happy although he had blown a lot of money, but he had always wanted to have a son to do things with. Sarah loved the child but felt let down, she was looking forward to being a mother and having a little girl that she could do mother/daughter things with.

Things changed even more after that. Jake continued to working late, and a year later he found himself drinking with the guys after work. He hadn’t really planned on having anything, but sitting with the guys, he’d said hell with it, and ordered a beer. That one drink had eventually led to insanity.

 

Chapter 27

 

I spent most of the morning resting. Amy had to start her shift, but I was glad that she took the time to visit. She said that she would drop in for another visit later in the day. It was around 11 am when I woke up to the sound of people arriving with Megan and Jennifer following close behind.

“I am so happy for you!” Jessica said, hugging me. “Megan told me, and I just couldn’t believe it.”

“Me either Jennifer, I keep expecting to wake up and this has all been a dream”

“It’s not a dream Jessica.” Megan said, grinning.

“So how is my girl doing?” Anthony asked, as he kissed her forehead.

“I’m still pretty sore, but the medicine helps a lot.”

“Give it a couple days, and you should be feeling much better.” Anthony told her.

“Look Jessica, Daddy brought in his guitar for you!” Megan said happily.

I looked at Anthony.   “Are you sure that is a good idea?   What if someone steals it?”

Anthony smiled, “It’s alright Jessica, I am not too worried about it. I really doubt that it will go missing, just keep it in the closet when you’re not using it.”

“Alright Daddy, I will take good care of it.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

“Mom talked to Amy last night, has she been in to visit yet?” asked Megan.

“She dropped in before work, the two of us had a long talk, and she will back in later.”

“That’s cool, I really like Amy.” Jennifer said with a smile.

“Yeah, she is really nice, we should have her over, Daddy.” Megan said.

I looked over at Megan, “I have already invited her over. Once I’m feeling better, I I’m going to make us all supper. Yes, Jennifer, you’re invited too. I can always use someone to do up the dishes when I’m done.” I said, giving her a wink.

“Thanks a lot Jessica. I ‘d hit you with one of those pillows, but I’d likely end up hurting you!” Jennifer said, and then laughed.

I looked over at Dad. “So how’s Mom doing?”

“She’s doing alright honey, nothing to worry about. She’s home, sleeping in.”

“I felt kind of bad. She was here all night, and it couldn’t have been very comfortable.”

“She would have stayed, anyway. That’s just the way she is, honey.” Anthony said.

“You don’t know this yet, but when Mom makes up her mind, there is no talking her out of it.” Megan said, smiling.

Jennifer looked over at me, “When you are out of here, Jessica, and feeling better we’re going to have a sleep over at my place.”

“All right, I’ll be there Jennifer. It should be a lot of fun!” I said.

“As long as you’re not the first to fall asleep!” Megan and Jennifer laughed

“All right, what happens to the person who falls asleep first?”

“We can’t tell you while Dad is here, it’s a girl thing.” Megan said with a laugh.

I just shook my head. “What have I got myself into?”

“You’re the one that wanted to be a girl.” Jennifer said laughing

“Yeah, I guess you’re right there, Jennifer.”I said and tossed a pillow at her.

Soon everyone was laughing. Jennifer went to toss the pillow at me, but Megan caught it and started hitting Jennifer with it.

“Did I give you permission to beat on my little sister?” Megan said, hitting Jennifer with it.

I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched the two of them attacking one another with the pillows. It hurt like hell, but it was still fun to watch, until Dad put an end to it anyway. We had a good visit, but soon they had to get going and to be honest I was still feeling pretty tired out.   After they left I end up falling asleep again.

 

[-][+][-]

 

It was around 4 pm when Amy arrived, she looked pretty tired out. I guess she had a busy day, but it was nice to see her.

“Hi, honey!” She said as she took a seat next to me. “How was your day?”

“I guess that it was alright. Dad dropped in with Megan and Jennifer for a little while. He dropped off his guitar for me to play around with.”

“That’s cool, have you been playing long?” Asked Amy.

“I took it up a few years ago, but I really didn’t have much time for it.” I said.

“I am sorry, honey. I can’t really stay too long tonight, my girlfriend Tara is picking me up. I hope you don’t mind, but I asked her to meet me here. She has been dying to meet you.” Amy said frowning.

I smiled, “It’s alright Amy, and I want to meet her. If she’s a part of your life, then she must be pretty cool.”

“Thanks Jessica, she is very important to me, just like you are honey.”

“So Jessica, what kind of music do you like?” Amy asked as she picked up the guitar.

“Mostly rock and country, but I’ll play anything, as long as it’s good.” I said.

“Play something for me,” Amy said, and handed me the guitar.

I took the guitar and thought about what to play, then started a song by Sarah Mclachlan called “Arms of an Angel.”

It took me a few minutes to get comfortable enough to actually play.   Once I had the guitar in a decent position, I started playing the chords to the song and singing the lyrics. It was a beautiful song and I sang it the best that I could.

After I finished playing I continued into another song, this time something more upbeat. I played Taylor Swift’s “Fifteen.” As I played the song, I sang the words and found myself really getting into the song. It felt good to just unwind and I found that it also took my mind off the pain that I had been feeling.

When I finished, Amy smiled and shook her head. “You are pretty good, Jessica!”

“Thanks Amy, I’ve always loved to sing and play music.”

“You should really consider doing this for a living.” Amy said with a smile.

“No Amy, I think one operation is enough.” I said a completely serious tone.

“No silly, playing music!” Amy said and laughed.

I handed her back the guitar. “I don’t know, maybe someday, but for now I just have so much on my plate. It would be nice to make money doing something that I really love.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

There was a knock outside my door and when Amy and I looked, there was Mom. She looked a lot better then she did this morning. I guess she really needed the rest. Mom came in and leaned over and gave me a hug and kiss.

“How’s my girl doing?” she asked me with a smile and then gave Amy a hug, It’s nice to see you again Amy. I hope she hasn’t been talking your ears off.

I laughed. “No Mom, I’ve been a good girl.”

“Jessica was just playing me a couple of songs. She’s pretty good, isn’t she?” Amy said with a smile.

“You should hear her when she has a band playing behind her. Ever since Jessica moved in, she and Anthony haven’t giving me a moment’s peace.”

“Come on Mom, it’s not that bad!” I said smiling.

“Actually, it’s a lot of fun.” Mom admitted, then turned to Amy. “You should come over sometime. If you’re seeing anyone, they would be welcome, too.” Janice said.

“I’d like that Janice!” Amy said.

[-][+][-]

 

The three of us spent the next fifteen minutes talking back and forth, and then Tara arrived.   Tara was very pretty. I could see what Amy must have seen in her and you could tell that the two of them were very much in love.   Amy met her with a hug. You could see that their embrace was much more then just two friends.

Amy turned to Janice and I. “Everyone, this is my girlfriend Tara. Tara, this little lady in bed is Jessica, and this is her mother, Janice.”

I smiled and said, “It’s nice to meet you, Tara.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you too Jessica! I have heard so much about you.” Tara said, “and it’s nice to meet you too Janice. How are you doing Jessica?”

“Just a little sore, but glad that it’s finally over, and I can get on with my life.”

“Amy has told me a lot about you, Jessica. I’m glad that the two of you found one another. I know that it hasn’t been an easy road for Amy, and it’s nice to know she has someone like you to look out for her.

I smiled, “Amy is like a sister to me. I’m sure that the two of us will always be close.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Jessica. I hope that the two of us can get to know one another better, too.”   Tara said smiling. “I’m afraid that Amy and I better get going. We are meeting my mom for supper. I hope we can all get together soon.” Tara said with a smile.

Amy gave me a hug and kiss. “I will see you tomorrow, Sis.”

I smiled. “Thanks for visiting, Amy. It was nice to meet you, Tara.”

Janice smiled. “I hope we can all get together soon. Have a nice supper girls.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

After everyone left and it was just Janice and I. She went into her purse.

“I have something here for you, honey.” She pulled out a new cell phone and handed it to me. “This way you can always call us if you are lonely, honey.”

“You didn’t have to, Mom. I would have been all right.”

“I know, honey, but every girl should carry one especially when they’re out.” Janice said, smiling. “It’s all set up and has texting, so you’re ready to go honey.”

“Thanks Mom, you’re the greatest!” I said and gave her a hug.

I wonder where Doctor Masters is, Mom? I thought that I would see him today.

“He will likely be in tomorrow morning, honey. It must be his day off, has anyone been in to see you?”

“Just my nurse, but then again, I have been pretty tired and sleeping. I might not have noticed if anyone has been in.”

“Are you in any pain honey? I could get the nurse for you.”

“It’s not that bad now, Mom, as long as I’m not moving around much. I imagine it will be worse once I am up and walking.”

“It will be honey, especially with the stitches. You will have to take your time when you walk for awhile, at least at first.” Janice said with a frown. “Anthony has given our lawyer a call, and we have already started the process of adopting you. It will still take a while, but Bill is filling out the paperwork. It should be sent out this week. He’s also working on getting your name and birth records changed to reflect who you are now.”

“I guess it wouldn’t be good to use my old identification. Something tells me there might be a problem when I go to get my driver’s license.” I said smiling.

“There is also school, wherever you decide to go, you will be attending as a girl. Your transcripts are under Andrew Roberts, so that has to be changed to Jessica Dawn Tanner.” Janice said, as she climbed up on the bed and laid next to me.   I placed my head against her shoulder and found myself cuddling with her.

“You know, Jessica, it’s not going to be easy now, just because you are a girl. There are still plenty of things from your past that you will need to deal with if you want to be really happy.” Janice said, as she caressed my hair.

“I know Mom, I have been thinking the same thing. Eventually, I will have to deal with what my parents did to me.   For now, I just want to enjoy the life I have now. Being a girl is a dream come true and being a part of your family is a dream come true for me. So for now, I am just going to enjoy what I have, and will worry about everything else later, Mom. All right, Mom.”

“Sure baby,” Mom said, and kissed me on the forehead.

 

 

End of part 12

To be continued in part 13

Synopsis:   After Jessica’s operation, she’s starting to settle into her new life and the challenges that are sure to follow. With her new outlook on life comes new strength, and she’s ready to do whatever it takes to have the life she’s always dreamed of.   She still has people in her life that she has to deal with, most notably her parents.

 

Chapter 28

 

Jessica lay in bed, thinking about where she was going from here. She was living comfortably with Anthony and Janice, but she knew that it would be only a matter of time. Her birth parents’ would soon try to mess everything up for her.   Knowing this, she knew that it was finally time. She had put this call off for far too long, mostly out of fear. She knew that it was unavoidable, so she dialed the number. The phone rang through and an operator came on.

“Could I speak to Detective Johnson?” She asked politely, although she found this very uncomfortable.

An hour later, Mason arrived. He looked a little puzzled as he poked his head in the door.

  “Sorry, I must have the wrong room.” He said, and then looked at his notepad.

  “No, Detective, you have the right room.” She smiled.

“Andrew? Is that really you?” asked Mason.

“Yes, Mason, there have been a few small changes since the two of us last talked. I go by Jessica now.” She said with a smile. “I had a medical condition and it made me appear to be a boy, but the doctors have fixed that now.”

“Are you all right with that?” He asked.

“Yes,” I said happily. “I have believed for years that I was really a girl.”

“Well then, I am happy for you, Jessica. So what can I do for you?”

“The last time that we spoke, you said that it would be better if I pressed charges against my parents. I am ready now, and will tell you everything.”

  “All right, Jessica,” he said, opening a folder. “I’m listening.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

Statement of Andrew Roberts:

Relationship with Father: Jake Roberts

I have a medical condition called ‘Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia’, and because of it I was wrongly identified as a boy at birth. I’ve spent most of my life living as a male. The medical condition was only recently discovered, but I’ve always known that I was a girl. My family was unaware of my condition, and my father thought I was just gay, or a sissy. He did everything he could to try to make a man out of me. At first it was mostly mental abuse, name calling and stuff like that, but over time it became physical abuse and beatings.

My dad was really into sports when he was my age, and wanted nothing more than for me to follow in his footsteps. Because of my size, it was never really practical, though. He refused to see that, and he felt that if I worked out every day, it would make me stronger and able to play like other boys my age.  

I worked out every day, but because I was really a girl, I toned up but didn’t put on muscle like Dad expected. He would take it out on me, usually calling me names.   Sometimes when he drank, it would become physical and he would beat me. This became a normal routine between the two of us. One day, I’d had enough and told him that I wasn’t going to do it anymore.

Dad had been drinking pretty heavy that day and I really should have known better. I was just so sick and sore.   He lost control and started beating on me. If Mom hadn’t been there to calm him down, he might have killed me. He was just so angry! I had seen him angry but never like that. It was like he was a whole other person.

After that I stayed home from school for a week. Mom and Dad were afraid if anyone saw me, the police would be called.   After Dad came home, he said was really sorry for what he had done. He promised to stop drinking and never hit me again, but that only lasted for about a week, and it started all over again.   Towards the end, it was like walking on egg shells all time. For the most part, I did my best to avoid him and spent most of my time hiding in my room. I hoped he would leave me alone, but he always found me.

The day I tried to take my life was one of the worst. He thought I had taken his money out of his wallet, but he had given it to Mom the night before. He had forgotten, and he came after me. Mom had to remind him that she had the money.   He still looked like he was going to kill me. If Mom hadn’t been there, God only knows what would have happened. I’d had enough; I just couldn’t take it anymore. I just wanted to be at peace, so I took Mom’s pills, and I swallowed them. I knew that I would never be hurt again.”

“Alright Jessica, I think I have enough to move forward with your father. Now can you tell me about the relationship that you had with your mother?” Mason asked.

Statement of Andrew Roberts:

Relationship with Mother: Sarah Roberts

Mom and I were never really close, I mean, she never hit me or anything like that.   She also never really did anything to help me, either. For the most part, she took my dad’s side.   I guess that she believed that he knew what was best for me.   She just followed his lead most of the time. I can remember that there were a few times she stepped in, but it may have just happened to protect Dad. To be honest, I really don’t know. She knew about the abuse, and for whatever reason, she did nothing to help me.

Janice and I have talked about what happened, and she said that if she was my mother, she would have packed her bags and taken me away from my father. That’s what my mother should have done, but she chooses to stay and put herself first. I wanted her to take me and leave so many times, but I guess that she just never really loved me, or at least not enough to protect me.”

Jessica broke down, crying as Mason patted her back.

“All right, Jessica. I have everything that I need for now”, Mason said, gently. “I know that it wasn’t easy for you to do this. I believe that it might help give you some closure. Jessica, I should warn you that we are looking for your father. He has disappeared and if he should try to contact you, I want you to call me immediately. We have no idea what he is up to but I am betting that it’s not good.”

“Alright Mason, if he tries to contact me, you’ll be the first to know. What if my mom tries to contact me?”

“At the moment, Jessica, there is a court order preventing either of your parents from contacting you. The last time you were in the hospital and you received that dead rat, we believed it came from your father, but the signature didn’t match his.

We were unable to really do anything at the time, but it was enough for the judge that signed the restraining order against your parents. We need to bring your father in for questioning, but we haven’t been able to locate him, and your mother seems to have no idea where he is hiding.

“Do you think my father will try something?” I asked worried

“I really don’t know your father well enough, Jessica. Do you think he is capable of trying something?” asked Mason

“When it comes to my father, I wouldn’t put it past him, especially if he’s been drinking.” I said with a frown.

“All right, Jessica. I have everything that I think I need. I would imagine that someone will be contacting you from the courts within the next week. As far as a court date, to be honest it could be a while. These things tend to take time but if you have any problems, you can call me anytime. You’ve got my number,” Mason said with a smile, and then he was on his way.

It was around 10 am when Dr. Masters and a nurse came strolling into my room. He had a big smile on his face. “So how is Jessica doing this morning?” he asked, as he took a seat next to my bed.

“I am feeling much better today, and the pain is not as bad as it was yesterday.”

“That is good Jessica; I really hate having to give out the pain meds.” Dr. Masters said

“All right, Jessica, let’s have a look and see how you are healing,”

I slowly pulled up my gown and Dr. Masters started removing my dressings and took a look around the area, he then smiled, there is still a lot of swelling but otherwise you are healing nicely Jessica. I think that we will be discharging you within the next couple of days.

“That would be great Dr, Masters, but do you think it would be all right for me to maybe get rid of this catheter? It gets pretty boring here, and it would be nice to be able to maybe take a walk, sometime.”

“Alright Jessica I will have someone remove it and I don’t think you need the IV anymore either, so I will have that removed too.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Dr. Masters.”

“You’re welcome, Jessica”, he said, and then left to see his next patient.

 

Chapter 29

 

The sound of knocking woke Jake up from a deep sleep.

“Just a second!” He said, pulling himself out of bed. He looked at his clock, and he could see that it was 7am.

“Damn it!” he said to himself as he quickly finished getting dressed and opened the door. It was Rocco and he was carrying a cup of coffee. He handed it to Jake.

“Time to pull yourself together and get to work.” Rocco said with a smile.

“Has Vincent found my son?” asked Jake.

“You can ask him yourself, Jake. He want too see you in an hour.” Rocco said.

“Want to know something Jake? If it was up to me, I would put a bullet in your head. Don’t ask me why Vincent would even want a piece of crap like you working for him.”

Jake smiled. “It’s not up to you, though. Is it, Rocco?”

“Maybe not, but believe me, you are living on borrowed time. When Vincent gets tired of you, I will be the first too know. Now let’s get going, Vincent doesn’t like to wait.” Rocco said.

Jake and Rocco met up with Vincent an hour later at Vincent’s home.   “Damn it, Terrie, I told you already, you’re not going and that is the end of it!

“But Daddy everyone is going to be there, it’s not fair!” Screamed his daughter, as she ran upstairs to her room.

“Sorry about that.” Vincent said, and told Jake to take a seat.   “I have good news and bad news Jake. The good news is my informant has found out where your son is living. He is with a family. I think you might know them, Anthony and Janice Tanner?”

Jake shook his head. *It figures that they would be involved.   Now all I have to do is get Andrew to the cabin.*

Vincent looked over at Jake. “It’s not the time for you to run off doing something stupid. You just can’t walk over there and take your son.”   

“Well, what am I supposed to do then?” asked Jake

“The police are looking for you and chances are if you show your face, they’ll grab you. If you’re going to do this, we need to have someone else grab the kid.” Vincent said smiling, “Maybe someone like Rocco.”

“Vincent, you know how I feel about this. I don’t want any part of it.” Rocco said.

“Rocco, if I ask you to do something, you do it.” Vincent told him, calmly.

Rocco knew that if he went against Vincent, it would place his own family in danger. The last thing he wanted was his family harmed.

There was only one thing he could do; he would have to grab Andrew. If he was going to do this, then it would be on his terms.

[-][+][-]

 

Sarah Roberts was busy helping her sister Janet make breakfast. She had been cutting some potatoes to make hash browns, and accidentally cut her hand. The cut was deep enough that it was going to need stitches.

Sarah and Janet found themselves at the hospital, waiting to see a doctor. Like most visits to the hospital, there was a long wait before Sarah would be able to see a doctor. Sarah really didn’t want to go but Janet insisted when they couldn’t get her cut to stop bleeding.

Sarah really hated hospitals, as she was very afraid of them. She knew she would end up with a doctor that would know who she was. Okay, she thought. Maybe she was a bit paranoid, but so much had happened lately that she wasn’t really thinking straight.

Janet had been trying for the last couple of days to get Sarah into a doctor because she was pretty close to a complete nervous break down. This might actually be a blessing in disguise.   Janet doubted that Sarah would ever be able to get Andrew back and she hoped that wherever Andrew was, he was getting the help he needed.

“Janet, lets get out of here. It’s not that bad.” Sarah said, looking at the exit.

Janet looked at Sarah. “Then why are you still bleeding? Sarah, we aren’t going anywhere until you see a doctor.” Janet said firmly.

“Janet, I’m not a child.” Sarah said, indignantly.

“Then stop acting like one, Sarah.” Janet said in frustration.

“God, I wish Jake would call.” Sarah said sadly.

“Jake’s leaving was the best thing that could have happened. The only reason you are in this mess is because of him.” Janet said firmly.

“Maybe, Janet, but I still love him.” Sarah cried.

Janet hugged her sister. “I know you love him, Sarah. It’s still an unhealthy relationship, and all you’re going to find with that man is unhappiness. He’s already cost you your son.”

“No one forced Andrew to take those pills; he did that on his own!” Sarah said, looking a little angry.

“Then tell me something, Sarah. If Andrew was that depressed, why wouldn’t he at least have tried to talk to you or Jake?”

“I don’t know Janet”, Sarah said

“I know why, Sarah. Jake has been abusing that boy for years, and you knew all about it and you just sat there and let it happen. Just like when it was you being abused by Dad, you said nothing about it because you were too afraid.

Andrew knew that you wouldn’t lift a finger to help him, and if I had known at the time that he was beating Andrew, I would have called the police myself.   If you ask me he is better off without the both of you!” Janet said in anger.

Sarah broke down and started crying; hearing those words from her own sister had really hit her hard. Janet had never talked to her like that before and of all people, she thought that she would understand. The truth was, there was no excuse for what Sarah had done, and there was no way she could rationalize it. She was the adult in the relationship and it was her job as Andrew’s Mother. She had failed her son completely.

One of the nurses came over after seeing Sarah crying, and tried asking her what was wrong. Sarah was much too emotionally disturbed, and she was unable to answer. Janet pulled the nurse aside and told her what was going on with Sarah, and how she felt that she might try hurting herself if she didn’t get help.

After Janet explained everything, the nurse said she was going to talk to the emergency room doctor, to see if there was anything that could be done. Janet took a seat next to her sister and put her arm around her. She felt bad that she had betrayed Sarah, but it was the only way that she could get her sister some help.

 

Chapter 30

 

It was around 10am when the nurse finely arrived to remove my catheter and the IV. Now, with my new found freedom, I decided to try to taking a walk. At first it was a little painful, but after moving around a bit, I discovered that if I took small steps, it didn’t hurt as much. I made my way over and grabbed Anthony’s guitar and slowly made my way back to my bed. I took a seat and started playing a few songs. I did this for about an hour, just playing around and making up stuff on the guitar. Eventually I got bored and put the guitar away, then took out my cell phone and sent Megan a text.

• Jessica: “Hey sis, what up?”
• Megan: “School, rescue me”
• Jessica: “Poor baby”
• Megan: “Meanie”
• Jessica: “Are you visiting later?”
• Megan: “After school   will bring Jennifer”
• Jessica: “Cool”
• Megan: “Scotty said hi”
• Jessica: “Scotty’s there?”
• Megan: “Yeah he says he misses you”
• Jessica: “He doesn’t even know me”
• Megan: “Not yet but maybe soon   GTG Teacher   byes”
• Jessica: “Later sis”

I sat my phone down and thought that while it would be nice to see Scotty, my life was just way too complicated to even think of having a boyfriend right now!

 

 

End of part 13

To be continued in part 14

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 14

By, Cain129

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   Andrew has finally become the person that he had always wanted to be and is settling into her new life. Unfortunately, that life is about to become very complicated. Her father now knows where she is living and will stop at nothing to make sure that Andrew never makes it to court. He has powerful allies that could allow him to succeed, except for one variable. Andrew no longer exists, and Jessica is not about to let Jake take away everything that she has worked so hard to gain.

Chapter 31

I found it hard sitting around with really nothing to do. Since the catheter and IV were removed, I was pretty much free to move about, but I wasn’t allowed to leave the ward alone. I spent most of my time in my room or in the recreation room watching TV. They did have a few movies, but most of them were for kids younger than me, and what they did have for my age really wasn’t worth watching.

When Amy dropped in after my lunch, the two of us decided to take a walk while she ate her meal. Amy insisted that if we were going to leave the ward, I would have to use a wheel chair. I knew that I was capable of walking on my own, but she would hear none of it.   In the end I agreed and I climbed into the chair.

“How was your morning, Jessica?”

“It was all right, just kind of boring, I guess, so I am very glad you dropped in. There is some good news; Dr. Masters says that I should be able to go home in the next couple of days!”

“That is good news.” Amy agreed. “You’re becoming a regular here!”

“Yeah, I’ve spent way too much time in the hospital lately. I just want to get out of here and start living my life.”

“I guess that I can’t blame you there,” Amy said with a smile. “Do you feel like taking a trip outside the building, Jessica?”

“Sure, Amy. I’d love to get some fresh air.”

It only took us about 10 minutes before we reached the main exit and the two of us were outside. It was a nice sunny day and really warm. Amy pushed the chair over to one of the benches and took a seat next to me.

I smiled. “Oh, it smells so nice Amy, thank you for this.”

“Anytime, Sis!” Amy said smiling.

I looked over at Amy. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure honey, you can ask me anything.” Amy reassured me.

“There’s this boy I like, and I think that he likes me, too. I’ve never really dated anyone, let alone a boy! It’s just that every time I see him, well, I feel all funny inside.”

“What you’re feeling is normal, honey. I may not be into boys, but I can remember having those same feelings the first time I found myself attracted to another girl. I was much too afraid to make a move back then, and I was still very much in the closet. I never even talked to her!” Amy giggled.

“I don’t know what I should do about it Amy? He’s asked me out before, but I never called him back, mostly because I wasn’t complete. It wouldn’t have been fair to him then. I’m a girl now and not just in my mind.”

“You need to be careful, honey; just because you’re a girl now, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get hurt emotionally. There are so many experiences that you’ve missed out on and dating is a big step. I think that right now, you should just try to be friends with him and see where that leads. You have all the time in the world, so there’s really no reason to rush anything. Besides, if he really likes you, he won’t try to rush you into anything. He’ll wait until you’re ready for a relationship, Jessica.”

“I guess you’re right Amy, but he’s just so damn hot!” I said with a smile.

“I’m sure he is, Jessica, but you know I’m not the greatest judge of hot guys. I tend to notice their sisters first!” Amy said, laughing, which set Jessica off, too.

“So, do you and Tara have any plans for Sunday?”

“I don’t think so, why?”

“I was just thinking that it would be nice if the two of you dropped over, maybe stay for supper?” I said, hopefully.

“When I see Tara tonight, I will ask her, if we have no plans then the two of us should be able to make it.” Amy said, smiling.

[-][+][-]

The doctor had finally seen Sarah about an hour ago. After a conversation with Janet, though, a counselor had come to see her. She was obviously very depressed, and the counselor felt that she was possibly suicidal. He had given her a choice, to see a doctor from mental health willingly, or he was going to have her held on a 48 hour observation. To say that Sarah was unhappy with Janet was an understatement. If looks could kill, Janet’s head would have exploded off of her shoulders some time ago.

Sarah and Janet were pretty much stuck sitting in a small lounge for the next hour or so, waiting to see the doctor. There was a window that overlooked a small park. Sarah looked outside; she could see that there were some patients wandering around, and even a few staff members. As she looked around, one girl caught her attention. She was maybe 16 years old and looked very pretty. She was also a little pale; no doubt she was recovering from something.

There was another girl with her that was in her 20’s, maybe her sister. She wore a nursing uniform, but from watching the two of them she could tell that the two of them knew one another pretty well. The girl looked so happy, without a care in the world. They were far enough away that Sarah wasn’t able to get a good look at her, but this was the child that she had always wanted. It wasn’t meant to be, though. In her place, she had been giving a little boy that she loved all the same. It didn’t change the fact that she often wished that Andrew had been a baby girl.

After watching for awhile, the two girls looked like they were going inside. As the girls came closer, Sarah was able to get a better look at the two of them.   Her eyes zoomed in on the girl in the wheelchair, and she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The girl in the wheelchair looked just like Andrew!

As she looked more carefully, she could see subtle differences. Sarah could see that this child was happy and had a look in her eyes that Andrew had never had. Her eyes were full of life, while Andrew’s had always seemed sort of lifeless. But could she possibly BE Andrew?

Sarah saw the daughter that she had always wanted, and wanted to run outside and talk to her. She knew at the moment that this wouldn’t be a good idea. She wanted to wait for the right time to talk, once they could be alone. It was at that time that Sarah Roberts was brought back to reality, when she heard a doctor calling her name.

[-][+][-]

It was around 12:45 when we made our way back to my room. Amy only had 15 minutes left of her lunch hour by the time we made it back to my room, so she had to head back to the ward where she was working. We said our goodbyes and I climbed back into my bed.

As I lay in bed, I took out my phone and connected to the internet with it. I went to YouTube and spent the next hour just watching some funny videos, waiting for Mom to arrive. She had said she was bringing Megan and Jennifer with her.

I thought about what I was going to do now. For the first time in my life, I felt like a whole person. Things seemed different somehow, more…relaxed, I guess. Ever since   

  I’d come to understand who I really was inside, depression had been my constant companion. Because of that, I’d been filled with self hated, and that had eventually lead me to trying to end my own life.

Things were different now. I was no longer depressed and I finally felt complete, no longer living a lie. Best of all, I truly loved the person that I was now! If you really have love for yourself and others, there is no room for self-hatred.   It was at that moment that I realized, whatever the future had in store for me, I could handle it and I would be happy.

I guess there is a cost for everything though. To become the real me, I had to endure a lot of emotional pain. Knowing that I was a girl but having to live as a boy, losing my parents . . . that pain still hurt me inside. They never did get to know the real me. The person that they knew was a fabrication. Someone they unknowingly had helped to create. Jessica was the real me. She had always been there, hiding and waiting for her chance to come forth.

I knew I would be all right, though. Even though I had lost my mom and dad, I’d gained so much more. I have Janice and Anthony, and my sisters Amy, Megan and Jennifer. They all know the real me and they love me for who I am. If you ask me what else does a girl need, well, maybe a boyfriend?

It was at the moment my phone rang; when I picked it up I noticed that it was a text from Megan.

• Megan, “hey sis, schools done. What’s up?”

• Jessica,” nothing, bored”

• Megan,” waiting on mom, be there soon.”

• Jessica,” Cool”

• Megan, “need anything?”

• Jessica, “Pizza would be nice”

• Megan, “will ask mom, see ya”

[-][+][-]

  

Chapter 32

Sarah spent the last hour being asked question after question, and wanted nothing more then to get away from that doctor. It was driving her crazy not being in control of things.

Dr. Robbins had no difficulty noticing that Sarah was becoming pretty irate and was also very evasive to his questioning. After talking to her for about 15 minutes, he left the room and went to the waiting room where Janet was waiting. He figured if Sarah refused to talk to him, then maybe her sister would.

“Janet Burke?” Dr. Robbins said as he entered the waiting area

Janet smiled. “Yes Doctor, I’m Janet, how’s my sister doing?”

“She has not been very cooperative.” Dr. Robbins frowned. “I was hoping you would be able to give me some background information about your sister.”

So for the next 20 minutes Janet told him about Sarah’s past and the abuse that she had suffered. She eventually led up to Sarah’s relationship with her son, Andrew. By the time she finished Dr. Robbins had a pretty good idea about the woman that he was dealing with. Sarah was a deeply disturbed woman, one that would need long term care if she was ever able to rebuild her life.

Dr. Robbins looked over at Janet. “Your sister has a lot of problems and from what you’ve told me, she’s done absolutely nothing to deal with them. Because of this, she has taken all of her childhood issues and carried them into her marriage.   I would even say that those issues have affected her relationship with her son.

Sarah truly needs to be hospitalized. At the very least, she should be admitted for a few months, that way we could get her started on the right path. I don’t think that she is going to voluntarily agree to being admitted, though.”

Janet thought for a minute. “You’re right; she is not going to let herself be admitted.   That only leaves us one choice; you will need to have her committed.   Anything that you need me to sign, I will, Doctor.” Janet said sadly. “I know she will hate me, but she will be alive, and feeling better eventually.”

All right, Janet. I will work on getting the paperwork started, and I’ll have someone call you when it’s ready. At the moment, I need to get a hold of a judge. Thank you, Janet, for your help. Don’t worry about Sarah; she is going to get the help she needs.

“Thanks, Doctor Robbins. I know we’re doing the right thing for her.”

[-][+][-]

Rocco had parked his car a few house away from the Tanners home, and had been watching the house. He was waiting for a chance to have a look inside. When he saw Janice leaving around 3pm, he knew that the chance had come. Being careful not to draw attention to himself, he made his way around to the back of the house. After taking a quick look and finding no security system protecting the house, he quickly   opened the door and made his way inside.

The first thing he did was to take a look around the house. He found three bedrooms, and he knew that there was no use checking out the master bedroom, because the boy wouldn’t be there. The bedroom across from the master bedroom was definitely a girls room and he couldn’t really see Andrew sleeping there. There was one room downstairs that looked promising. Inside was a double bed and lots of music equipment, but after he went inside and took a look around, he found a closet full of girls clothes, and the dresser had nothing to indicate that there was a boy using the room.   This room was also definitely used by a girl, most likely a tomboy, but a girl all the same.

Rocco Left the hours as he found it and made sure that there was no trace that he had been there. Once he made it to his car, he picked up his phone and called   Vincent’s number.

“Hey Vincent, it’s Rocco. The information the informant gave us is garbage. I just left the house. Andrew’s not there and if he had been there earlier, he isn’t now.”

“I’ll look into it, Rocco. I’ll get back to you. You’d better tell Jake before he does something stupid.” With that, Vincent ended the call.

*Damn it, I was hoping I was done babysitting that asshole.* Rocco thought to himself as he put the car into drive and headed off to where Jake was hiding out.

After Rocco arrived at Jakes cabin and went inside, he found Jake had already started drinking again, and he just shook his head. A sober Jake he could handle, but when Jake drank, he was loose cannon. Rocco didn’t like drunks or drug addicts. They were a serious and unnecessary risk in his line of business, and they couldn’t be trusted.

Jake lost it when Rocco told him the information that they had received was bogus, and he started yelling at Rocco, saying he was useless. Rocco knew how to deal with out of control drunks. He’d had plenty of experience, so with one quick punch, Jake hit the ground hard and wasn’t moving. Rocco had knocked him out cold, and it felt really good.

Rocco knew that what he was going to do next would piss Jake off more then being knocked out; he poured all of his liquor down the drain.

[-][+][-]

It was around 3:30 pm, when mom arrived with Megan and Jennifer. It was nice to see them but it was also nice seeing the large pizza that Jennifer was carrying.

Mom came over and gave me a hug and kiss. “How’s my girl?” She asked with a smile.

I smiled, hugging her back. “I’m good, Mom. I am really glad to see you guys. Dr. Masters says I will be able to come home soon.”

Mom smiled, “I know honey, he called me this morning and told me the good news.”

“I can’t wait to be home, I’m starting to really hate hospitals.” I said with a frown.

“So, what did you do all day?” asked Megan.

“Not really much. Amy dropped in at lunchtime for a visit, and we went outside for a bit. Other than that, it’s been pretty boring.”

“It must have been nice to get outside for a while, anyway.” Jennifer said.

“Yeah, it was great. I would have loved to stay out longer, but Amy had to get back to work.”

“Well, its cool that she took the time to take you out,” Jennifer said as she sat on the edge of the bed.

“Yeah, Amy is great, I’d really like to do something for her, especially after everything she has done for me.” I said, sadly.

“Why so sad?”   Asked Janice.

“I worry about Amy; she is like a sister to me, but her family wants nothing to do with her. I just wish there was more that I could do for her.”

“Honey, I think you are doing plenty for her. The two of you have a bond that most people will never understand, and it’s deeper than just friendship. It makes the two of you like family. Just treat her like she’s your family, and you’ll give her more then you can even imagine.

Anthony and I know she’s like a sister to you. Now that you’re going to become our daughter, I guess that makes her part of our family too, Jessica. We can’t be her parents, but there’s no reason she can’t be a part of our family!” Janice said, smiling as she put her arm around me.

“I like the idea of having another sister, too!’ Megan said with a smile. “It means more presents for me at Christmas!”

Jennifer laughed. “Only you would think of something like that, Megan.”

“What’s wrong with wanting more presents?” Megan asked with a sly little smile.

  “I love you guys, even my greedy sister.” I said, referring to Megan.

Soon we were all trying to talk at once, laughing and chatting. It felt really good to have my family here with me, and I knew that we would always be close.

   

End of part 14

To be continued in part 15

Andrew’s Dilemma
Part 15
By, Cain129

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   Life for Jessica has been pretty easy until now, but there is a storm coming, and her enemies are slowly closing in on her. Everything is not as it seems and it’s Andrew that they are searching for. but up till now Jessica only existed with a select group of people. Now that Jessica’s mother suspects that her son is living as a girl, what will she do with that information?

 

Chapter 33
Sarah’s Awaking

Sarah Roberts was not a happy camper. When her sister Janet and Dr. Robbins rejoined her, they broke the news that she was going to be hospitalized for the next 48 hours on a psychiatric evaluation. In her mind she was perfectly fine, and didn’t need to be hospitalized but she was not really being given a choice.

So Sarah reluctantly allowed herself to be admitted against her own better judgment, but she know if she didn’t do it on her own, they would force her into it. At least this way, things might not be as bad, and once she passed their damn evaluation. They would have to leave her alone..

She really didn’t know what to think about the child she had watched earlier. She was almost positive that she had seen Andrew, and it had affected her in a way that she never really expected. There was definitely something about that child, she seemed so different somehow, not like her Andrew at all and yet, after watching for awhile the lines became blurred. She was sure that it was Andrew, and Andrew was a boy, of course. The vibe she was getting off this child though, was defiantly not   that of a boy.

When she had watched, what she had seen was a girl, and she had looked so happy and content. Andrew had never had that. If Sarah had been given the choice of the two children, she knew that she would choose the girl any day.   Sarah knew that after everything that had happened, the chances of getting Andrew back were next to impossible. To be honest, she knew that she had nothing to offer the child, not anymore anyway. She realized that she had been through too much, and should have never had a child. Maybe someday she really would be ready, but she wasn’t at the moment.

She looked over at Janet, and then at Dr. Robbins.

  “I will go willingly,” Sarah said, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I am just so tired of everything, and I only have myself to blame.”

  It was at that moment that Sarah accepted the fact that, in her own way, she was just as much a monster as her husband was, maybe even worse.”

After Sarah was settled in, Janet made the drive home. She was happy to know that Sarah was finally going to get help. Even though she had been somewhat reluctant, at least it was a start. She only hoped that once Sarah was there for a while, she would open up to someone. Janet loved her sister, but the truth was, you can’t help someone that is not willing to help themselves. Until now, Sarah had refused to see that she had a problem. It had always been easier to put the blame on everyone else’s back. She had not expected Sarah to agree to be admitted. She had been sure her sister would put up a fight, but for whatever reason Sarah accepted her fate.

Janet guessed that only time would tell if Sarah really wanted to change.   It was much easier for Sarah to go back to her old habits. Janet knew change never comes easy. Their father had abused Janet before he had moved on to little Sarah. Perhaps it had been less extreme for Janet, but she knew that as soon as she was old enough, she had done nothing but run. Worse, she had abandoned her sister to their father.

Janet had been unable to do anything but escape. It was several years before she realized she really needed help to deal with what had happened to her, but she had finally found someone to whom she could talk, and it had really helped. Janet felt that it was up to Sarah, now. She had to accept that she would need help in dealing with everything.

Strangely, it had never occurred to Janet that she had simply run away from her sister when she had needed help-again. She let someone else deal with the demons Sarah needed to face. The help Sarah most needed was sitting at home; satisfied that everything was being handled.

[-][+][-]

I’d been in the hospital now for a few days, and for the most part I was in very little pain. I felt that I was ready to go home but Dr. Masters said the he wanted to run some tests before he would allow me to escape. I found myself being visited by the resident vampire, who drained me of five vials of blood and other bodily fluids, which I don’t really think that I need to go into. If Dr. Masters needed them, then the sooner he had his samples, the faster I would be going home.

It was around 6pm when I had a knock on my door, I had been watching a video on my phone when I looked up and saw Anthony smiling at me.

“Daddy!” I soon found myself in his loving arms. I hadn’t seen him in a couple of days, which was normal for him because of his work. Sometimes he had to go out of town for a day or so.

“How’s my girl?” he said with a smile.

“Much better, now that you are here! Do you feel like taking a walk, Daddy?”

“Sure baby, where do you want to go?” Daddy asked me.

“How about we hit the cafeteria and grab something to drink, and then take it outside for a while, Daddy?” I said smiling.

I guess that would be fine but I think that it would be a good idea to use a wheelchair, honey. We don’t want you over doing it, so they‘d ending up keeping you longer!” Anthony said as he pulled the chair over next to my bed.

“Alright Daddy, but I really don’t need it”

“Maybe not, honey. I would feel much better if you used it, though,” he said with a frown.

“No! Not the frown! I surrender!” I’m such a ham, sometimes.

I soon found myself being pushed down the corridor and onto the elevator. It really didn’t take us very long to make it to the cafeteria. After walking off the elevator, it was just around the corner. I ordered a coke and I saw that they had huge Chocolate Macaroons. I had always had a sweet tooth when it came to macaroons, and Daddy ended up buying me a dozen.

  It wasn’t long before Daddy and I were outside. There were these beautiful flowers that had been planted near the sidewalk, and I found myself leaning down to smell them. They really had a sweet smell to them, and I would have loved to pick some, but something told me the hospital wouldn’t really appreciate me doing that. I took a seat next to Daddy and once I was comfortable he put his arm around me and just held me.

It felt really nice as he held me, I looked up at him. “Have you found anything our about my adoption or my name change Daddy?”

Not yet sweetheart, just be patient. These things can take time, and besides, we don’t need legal papers to make you our daughter, honey. As far as Janice and I are concerned, you are already our daughter, and you have been since the day you moved in with us Jessica. The paperwork will just make it legal,” Anthony said as he leaned over and kissed my forehead.

Hearing those words really touched my heart, and I found tears running down my face. Anthony just held me and told me it was alright if I wanted to cry.

I smiled, “I am just so happy Anthony. You don’t know what this all means to me. Before, I had nothing and I was alone, scared and so bloody confused, I really thought that it would be better off for everyone if I wasn’t here.”

“I know, baby. Things are different now, you are different, and there is no reason that you will ever have to feel like that again. You have a family that will love and support you no matter what the future holds, that will never change”, Anthony said as he gave me another hug and kiss.

“So where did they have you the last couple of days?” I asked Daddy.

“I was in Seattle. We have a new contract there, and I needed to iron out the details with management.” Anthony said

“I wouldn’t mind maybe seeing Seattle someday.” I said smiling

“It’s not really that far, so maybe we can spend the weekend there this summer.”

“That would be nice, Daddy!”

“I have something that I have wanted to ask you Jessica. If you don’t want to do it, I understand. I know you have a lot going on right now, but I think it would be really fun and the two of us would have a blast.” Anthony said smiling.

“What is it, Daddy?”

“There is a music festival coming up in June, my band used to play there every year but since the band broke up I haven’t been able to attend and have really missed playing my music. The song that we worked on together was one I’d been writing for the festival. I can’t do this alone and I would really like to have you with me.” Anthony said, hopefully.

I thought about what Anthony just said, after everything he and his family had done for me, how could I really say no? I was scared to death about singing in front of that many people, but I also knew that I would do anything to make my family happy. I knew this would mean a lot to Anthony.

I looked over at him and smiled. “I think I’ll be scared to death at the idea of singing in front of all those people Anthony, but if you want to do this, I will do it for you.”

  “Don’t worry, everyone is scared at first. We have plenty of time to get you ready for the show and if you feel at anytime that it’s too much, we don’t have to do it. honey”. Anthony said with a big, reassuring smile.

“Thanks Daddy, lets just see how it goes. If we’re going to do this, then we’re going to need to find the time to practice together and I think that we will need to find a decent band.”

“Let me worry about finding a decent band Jessica”, Anthony said smiling.

“All right, Daddy knows best!” I said smiling.

[-][+][-]

Chapter 34

Jessica’s Homecoming

Anthony stayed till visiting hours were over, and after he dropped me off at my room he was on his way. I thought about the two of us performing at the festival together. We would still have to audition, so nothing was really set and it would be fun whether we the two of us were accepted or not. Even though I was scared, I would do my best to make sure that we were selected if not for myself but for Anthony. As I settled into bed for the night I thought about the possibility of going home in the morning I just hoped that Dr. Masters said it was alright as far as healing went I could do that just as well at home as I could in the hospital.

 

[-][+][-]

 

I managed to sleep through the night without to many problems, and I was in very little pain as I slowly climbed out of bed and went to the bath room. Finally, I had to use my new pluming for the first time. It felt really funny having to sit down and go, but I knew that in time I wouldn’t even notice the difference. It kind of stung at first and because there was still plenty of swelling it pretty much went everywhere. So after I finished I took a few minutes to clean up and ran a shower. It would be a while before I was able to have a bath but taking a shower would have to do for the moment.

There were so many things that I wanted to get done once I was released the first thing was I wanted to get my hair cut and styled and maybe even have it colored. It was time for a change; I would bring it up to Janice later. After I finished fixing my hair, I went into my room and grabbed my makeup bag. Granted, I really didn’t have a lot of stuff inside it, but there was still enough to make me presentable. So I returned to the bathroom and used the mirror and a few minutes later I felt much better and was ready to face the day.

Breakfast arrived, which turned out to be bacon and eggs, if you really wanted to call it that. The eggs were overcooked to the point that they were almost tasteless, and the bacon was so hard that it would have been a good idea to have a dentist on call, just to fix all the broken teeth that were to follow. Whoever said breakfast was the best meal of the day must have never spent time in the hospital. It was a good thing that Daddy left me $20.00 last night before leaving because after Dr. Masters visited me, I would be taking a trip to the cafeteria and having a decent breakfast.

As I waited for him to arrive I picked up Anthony’s guitar and started working on a song that had been running through my head. It was a rocking country type song and I still hadn’t come up with any words for it yet. Though I had an idea of what it would be able at the moment I was just trying to get the melody down and once that was finished the words would most likely come to me on there own, that really seemed to be the way it worked for me, not that I really wrote songs very often but lately for some reason I have been feeling really creative and the only thing I could chalk it up to was all the positive changes that have been occurring within my life.

It was around 10 am when Dr. Masters arrived and like yesterday he was all smiles.

“Good Morning Jessica How’s my favorite patient this morning?”

I smiled, “I am doing great, but would really like to be going home.”

I don’t see any problem with that Jessica, all your blood work came back and everything looks good, what I was check for was your hormone levels, I just wanted to make sure everything was alright before I released you but are a few things that I want to discuss with you first, up till recently because of your medical condition your body wasn’t producing the right amount of hormones, so your levels were off and that is part of the reason that you have taking so long to develop, but the levels are now starting to rise and you can expect to see major changes within the next few months both mentally and physically, So you need to be prepared for the changes as they start occurring.

“What is going to happen?” I asked

“Most of it is considered normal for a woman Jessica!” The first thing will be your period, now that your body is equipped and it has a place to go, or should I say exit you will have to be ready, there will also be mood swings during that time of month. I can’t tell you how bad they will be because it’s different for every woman.”

“Alright I was expecting the period but not the mood swings”, I said frowning.

“That is part of being a woman Jessica and you will get used to It.”, Dr. Masters said

“I guess you are right, but it is going to still be a little scary the first time.” I said

You’re mother asked me to make an appointment with a doctor from our phyricatric department, so you should be getting a call within the next week Jessica, and I want to see you at least once a month for the next three months.

“Alright Doctor Masters, but is there something that I need to worry about, is that the reason that you want to see me?”

“I don’t think there is anything to worry about Jessica, I just want to keep an eye on your hormone levels and make sure everything is working properly.”

“Alright you know what’s best for me and thank you for everything”, yours welcome Jessica, “I will go and make the arrangements for your discharge and you can call your mother and tell her that I am sending up home.”

 

[-][+][-]

I was pretty happy about being discharged from the hospital and gave mom a call and told her the good news, she was as happy about it as I was and said she would grab some clothes for me and would be at the hospital around 11 pm. So after getting off the phone with her, I sent a text to Amy and told her that I would be leaving the hospital in a few hours. That way she wouldn’t be waste her lunch hour traveling over to see me, and I also said that I would call her later.

After I finished using my phone, I took a walk down to the recreation room, there was no one around so I walked over and took a seat on the bench in front of the piano, and joined my hands together and cracked my knuckles.   I then started playing a new song that I had been hearing on the radio, It took me a few tries to get the melody down then I moved unto the chorus and it took a little more work but I had the whole song within 20 minute, then I started playing the song, by Ronny Dunn, “Bleed Red” and singing the words to the song.

 

I had been so caught up in the song that I hadn’t noticed that I was no long alone; there were a couple of other patients that had joined me. One was a girl who was maybe 9 years old and a boy about the same age.

“Your pretty good”, the girl said, “I am April and this is James”, she said referring to the boy that was with her.

“Hi April and James, I said with a smile, “I am Jessica it’s nice to meet the both of you.” I said with a smile.

“Have you been playing very long asked April?”

“Not really just a few years I guess”, I said with a smile

“Is it hard to learn?” asked James.

“It can be James, some people are born with a gift and pick it up fast while others take longer I am just lucky I guess because I was born with a gift for music.”

“What else can you play”, Asked April as she joined me on the bench and James stood behind the two of us.

I thought for a minute then started playing the lead in to stand by me on the piano, and started singing the words. It didn’t really take long but by the middle of the song I was no longer singing alone April and James were also singing along with me and the three of us were having a pretty good time together.

It wasn’t long before April and I were being dragged over to take turns playing a video game against James, who pretty much spent that next hours killing the two of us off, but it was cool, we were having lots of fun, but time tends to fly when your having fun and before I knew it I heard my voice being called and when I turned around I saw that it was Janice. So I said my goodbyes to April and James.

A few minutes later Mom and I were back in my room and mom handed me a bag inside it was my baby blue sundress, which just happened to be my favorite. So I soon found myself slipping into it along with a pair of sandals that mom had also brought with her. All that I needed to do now was freshen up my makeup and I was ready to go.   I soon found myself sitting back in the dreaded wheel chair and had all of my possessions sitting on my lap being my clothes, a giant teddy bear and flowers.

After mom finished signing all the paper work the two of us headed outside with a nurse pushing the chair while mom went to retrieve her car. The nurse and I only had to wait a few minutes before mom pulled up in front of us and after mom placed my stuff in the backseat I climbed out of the chair and into the passenger side of mom’s car while at the same time, I thanked the nurse for taking such good care of me. Then mom and I were finely on our way.

It was still pretty early in the day and I knew that Megan and Jennifer would still be in school, so I turned to mom, “do you think that we could go somewhere first before we go home?”

“Where do you want to go baby?”

“I am a girl that has lived as a boy most of my life and I want to get my hair done, maybe even have it colored.”

Mom smiled, “Alright honey lets see if I can’t get you in somewhere, but lets grab a coffee at starbucks first mom”’ said with a smile.

Chapter 35

 

Jake woke up feeling like he had been hit by a truck and slowly pulled himself off the floor, his head hurt like hell. That he could blame on his drinking but as he made his way into the bathroom and saw his face, he was not a happy man he was now sporting a black eye thanks to Rocco. He then headed into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee after looking around for something to drink and finding nothing he cursed Rocco, and then said that coffee would have to do till he could find something stronger.

As he made his way into the kitchen he could smell that the coffee was already on and there was what smelled like eggs and bacon cooking. As he went through the door he found Rocco busy at the stove, Jake looked over at Rocco where did all this stuff come from. “Well the money came from your wallet”, Rocco said with a smile, and while you were sleeping I did some shopping.

Rocco looked over at Jake, “ The next time you talk to me like you did yesterday you are going to get more then a black eye Jake”, I am not some defenseless child that you car terrorize.”, Rocco said calmly.

Jake nodded, “It won’t happen again” I can promise you that Jake said rubbing his swelling eye. So what about my son, does Vincent have any idea’s where they would take him? Asked Jake

Not yet but believe me if Vincent wants to find someone he can, Rocco said as he flipped the eggs over then poured himself a cup of coffee and one for Jake.

Jake looked at the eggs and bacon then at Rocco, I appreciate that you took the time to make breakfast but I don’t think that I am going to be able to hold anything down.

You have a problem Jake, and blaming your son for it, isn’t the solution, you created this mess because of your drinking, none of it would have happened had you not been drinking and even if you can silence your son, your problems are not going to go away there only going to become worse. It’s not my job to baby sit you Jake, but you would have done something stupid last night because you were drinking and acting like a complete asshole.

Jake your biggest problem besides the drinking is you don’t think things through first instead you just react to it, which is good for something’s but you need to think things though before you act on them, if you had gone to the Tanner’s last night what do you think would have happened, someone would have called the police and even if Andrew had been there how far do you think you would have getting before the police caught you. If you ask me it wouldn’t have taking them very long.

Just so you know I had a call from Vincent last night your wife Sarah was admitted at Ottawa General Hospital on a 48 hour psychiatric evaluation. “How did Vincent find this out?” asked Jake.

 

Vincent is the kind of guy that keeps track on all of the people that works for him, including there families. It makes it easier him to keep you quiet if your get arrested knowing that he can get to your family any time he wishes but in your case Jake, “I doubt that even matters because the only person that you really care about is yourself.” Rocco said with a frown.

“That is pretty cold Rocco”, Jake said

“Then prove me wrong Jake”, Leave Andrew alone you have the power to end this anytime you want Jake”, Rocco said

“I can’t too much has happened and already, I would end up in jail”, Jake said

“Yes you would Jake but if that happens it will be easy time for you, we can make sure of it”, Rocco said as he took a drink of his coffee.

Jake thought about it for a few minutes, “No if I can get to Andrew, I can guarantee that he will keep quiet.” Without having to worry about going to jail, it is pretty much his word against mine.

“Maybe Jake but things don’t always work out the way you plan them too, that is why you came looking for our help”, Rocco said

“I am done talking about it Rocco, I am not going to change my mind”. Jake said trying to remain calm.

“Alright Jake it’s your funeral”, Rocco said in frustration.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After mom and I arrived at starbucks and had our drinks in front of us the two of us grabbed a table outside, being such a nice day it would have been a sin to spend it inside. So as the two of us relaxed she took out her phone and made a call to her salon to see if they would be able to squeeze me in. So after mom talked to this woman for a few minutes and explained that I just got out of the hospital they agreed to squeeze me in for 1 pm, which was pretty cool but left mom and I two hours to kill before we had to be a the salon for the appointment.

So giving we had a couple of hours to kill mom and I headed to the mall to grab a bite to eat and do a little bit of shopping. Considering my present condition it was pretty slow going but mom was patient with me and even let me take breaks now and then just too rest by the time we left the mall I had a nice little black dress that mom insisted on buying, her logic was that I would be needing it eventually when we went out to dinner or if I had a date.   She had also picked out a pair of black shoes, I had no idea how I was going to walk in the because of the size of the heels but mom insisted that I would get used to it in no time at all.
Mom and I arrived at the Salon with 10 minutes to spare and once inside Mom talked to a woman there and then the both of them came over.

“Hi Jessica, I am Dianne and I will be taking care of you today.”

“Hi Dianne, It’s nice to meet you and thanks for squeezing me in”

“It’s not a problem honey, with you just getting out of the hospital and all how could I say no”, Dianne said with a smile.

I followed Dianne to an empty chair in the back of the Salon and she spent a few minutes playing with my hair. I can see why you needed to see me. “What have you been washing your hair with Jessica a flame thrower”. Dianne said laughing.

I smiled, “I guess you can say that I have been a tomboy for quiet awhile, It’s time for something new”, I said with a smile.

Dianne smiled, “well I would say it’s about time a girl as pretty as you should not hide yourself away from the world.

“Thanks Dianne”, I said smiling

“So what do you have in mind honey?” asked Dianne

“I guess that I would like my hair to be darker to start with”, I am not sure of the style though, I said smiling.

Diane reached over to the counter and pulled out a book and started thumbing through the pages and then looked over at me and went back to the book till she found something she liked then showed me the picture I looked at it then to Dianne.

“Do you really think this is me?” I said frowning

  Dianne smiled, “It’s perfect for you Jessica and easy for you to take care of.”

I turned to mom,” what do you think?”

Mom smiled, “I think Dianne is right it’s prefect for you honey.”

“Alright Dianne let’s do it”, I said nervously.

 

 

End of part 15
To be continued in part 16

 

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 16

By, Cain129

 

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   After spending the last four days in the hospital, I was finally released. I was ready to face whatever life was going to throw at me. Thanks to Anthony and Janice, I was also ready to stop playing the victim, and stand up to my birth parents. It would be hard, and also scary, but I needed closure on that part of my life.

They say you can forgive anyone, but the truth is, you can never really forget. I could forgive my birth parents for the crap that they put me through, but some scars run too deep, especially the emotional ones.

 

Chapter 36

 

After being released from the hospital, I asked Mom to take me to the hair salon. A few hours later, I found myself sitting in a chair, having my hair done. I had picked the style out of a book, with the help of my mother and Dianne, the lady that was doing my hair. I had also decided on changing the color. For the next hour, Dianne was washing, cutting and styling my hair. I was pretty excited, and couldn’t wait to see the end result! While I waited under the dryer, a woman came over and started doing my nails. This was a whole new experience for me, and I was really enjoying myself. By the time she was done, I was sporting some new acrylic nails that were a light shade of red on my hands and feet.

It was really the first time that I’d had long nails, let alone having them painted.   They looked really cool, and I just hoped they wouldn’t get all messed up when I played guitar. I guess there are plenty of women musicians out there, and they could play having longer nails. If they could do it, there was no reason that I couldn’t.   After my hair was dried, Dianne spent about ten minutes playing with it. Then she took a few minute to remove my makeup, and proceeded to redo it properly. She explained what she was doing as she did my makeup, so I could do it myself next time. I really doubted that I would ever have the gift that she did when it came to doing makeup. Still, I listened to everything she said and would try my best to recreate it later.

When Dianne finished, I had a chance to see what I looked like. I was pretty much blown away by the job that Dianne had done. I loved the way that I looked, the hair style was perfect and I now had jet black hair.

It would take awhile for me to get used to it, but it really made a big difference. She had done a great job on my makeup, and I could see the results turning a few heads, but in a good way.

“Thanks, Dianne, I love everything you did. Its hard to believe that is really me.”

Dianne smiled. “Honey, everything was already there, all I had to do was draw it out.”

“Thanks Dianne, the next time I need something done, I’ll be asking for you,” I promised, smiling.

“That’s great Jessica, call me anytime, I would love to have you.” Dianne said with a big smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Mom paid the bill, we said goodbye to Dianne, then the two of us were on our way. As we made our way to Mom’s car, she smiled.

“You look beautiful honey. Dianne was right about you, Honey. You are way too beautiful to have ever been a boy.”

“Thanks, Mom. Seeing myself now, it’s hard to believe that I was ever Andrew.”

“That’s because you never really were Andrew, honey; this is the real you, baby. It always has been, and Jessica is here to stay!” Mom said, as she put her arm around me.

During the ride home, I found that I was thinking a lot about everything. I had taken my first steps at taking back my own life. It was not going to be an easy road for me, but I knew for the first time in my life that I was doing the right thing.

Janice looked over at me. “What’s going on, honey?”

“I guess I’m just thinking about how much things have changed within the last month. It’s really pretty hard to believe.”

“Well, it’s a little too late to be changing your mind now, honey.” Janice said, giggling.

“Yeah, I guess there is no turning back now!” I said, not that I would change a thing. I had everything a girl needed to be happy now.

“Mom, I called Mason, and I am pressing charges against my parents.”

“When did you do that, honey?” asked Mom.

“I called yesterday, and he came and took my statement. It’s the only way that I will be able to move on.”

“I do wish that you had talked to me first, honey. I understand that this is something you feel you have to do, and I’m proud of you.” Janice said as she reached out and squeezed my hand.

“When Anthony gets home tonight, I’ll have him call Bill. We need to get you prepared to go to court, and Bill would be the best person to help you when it comes to what might happen in court.” Janice said.

“You’re right Mom, I’m sorry; I should have talked to you first. I guess when I made up my mind I didn’t want to wait. I was afraid that I might have lost my nerve, and not gone through with it. Now that it’s over with, I am committed to finishing this.”     I said, sighing sadly.

“I know this is hard for you, Jessica. They’re your parents, and there will always be a part of you that loves them! But they had no right to put you through that hell. Sometimes it feels like you need to get some justice, and in a situation like this, it means going to count and exposing them. At least this way they have to take responsibility for their actions.” Mom said sympathetically.

I thought about what she’d said. It was true that I did love my parents, and I wished more than anything that it could have been different. The truth was that they didn’t really love me, at least, not in the way a mother or father should love their child. They were incapable of being supportive and providing the kind of care that I needed. Janice and Anthony had accepted me, even before they had known the truth about me, and they gave me something that no one, not even my parents, had ever given me before.   They loved me, even though I was kind of messed up.

When it came to my real parents, I felt that they neither loved nor nurtured me because I didn’t live up to their expectations. I suspect that even if I had it wouldn’t have charge anything. Our home had never been a warm, stable or loving environment, not like it is living with Janice, Anthony and Megan. Since I became a part of their family, I am no longer afraid, because I know that whatever happens, I’m no longer alone. There is no need to hold the pain inside anymore, because it’s all right to share and talk about it. Thinking about that made me look over at my mom.

“I love you, Mom.” I said, as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“I love you too, baby!” Mom said with a smile. She reached over and gave my hand a squeeze.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After arriving home, Mom and I made up some chicken salad sandwiches for lunch. We were both pretty hungry, and we hadn’t had time to have a decent meal, between shopping and going to the Salon. After the two of us ate, I did up the dishes because mom had a few calls that she needed to make. I finished up, then went into the living room and laid down on the couch. I turned on the TV and started channel surfing, trying to find something worth watching.

There really wasn’t much to watch, other than soaps and   talk shows.   Neither really appealed to me, and I eventually just turned it to CMT and watched music videos. I was glad to be home, and as I listened to the music, it really wasn’t very long before I drifted off to sleep.

[-][+][-]

 

Chapter 37

Meanwhile back at the hospital, Sarah found herself pretty much on lockdown and wondering if she had made a mistake. The staff was pretty nice for the most part and they really only bothered her when it was time for her take her medicine. She just hoped that they would only hold her for a few days and send her home. If not, they might try to keep her in the hospital longer. The worst part of being admitted to this ward was that Sarah couldn’t just leave without approval from a nurse or doctor, even if it was just a walk, outside or to the cafeteria.   This would make it harder for her to find Andrew. She was sure that the teenage girl she had seen was Andrew. After all, she had given birth to the child, and she felt that she should be able to recognize her own child.

The one question that bothered her, more than anything else, was why the hospital would allow Andrew to be dressed like a girl. She knew that he was a boy, because she was the one that changed his diapers and bathed him. There was no doubt in her mind about it. She couldn’t help but see that the girl had this glow to her that was just not there when it came to her son. She would somehow find Andrew, and when she did, maybe she would have the answers. For the moment, though, she had to deal with the hospital staff. She wanted to find a way to get off the ward, and if she had to play their games she would. Whatever it took, if it meant she would have the freedom she needed.

Sarah made her way over to the window and looked outside. There was no sign of the child today. As she stood there she thought about her life. For most of her adult life she had buried everything that had happened. Now, though, everything was starting to fall apart and she no longer had the same control over her emotions that she once had. It was at that moment that she heard someone calling her name. When she turned around she saw that it was Dr. Robbins.

“Sorry, I guess that I was kind of lost in thought, Dr. Robbins.” Sarah said as she took a seat on her bed.

Dr. Robbins took a seat across from her, “Do you want to take about it?”

“Not really, I guess that I am just overwhelmed with everything.” Sarah said as she started crying. “I never wanted to be here, doctor. I just came in for a cut, not to be admitted.”

“I’m sorry, but everything that your sister told me about your past and recent events tells me that you are walking a very fine and dangerous line. She is afraid you might try taking your own life, and to be honest, I have similar concerns, Sarah. It’s my job to take care of you and sometimes I have no choice but to admit someone, even if they don’t want to be admitted. I have a responsibility as a doctor to cause no harm and letting a patient go home that may be suicidal is something that I can’t do. I want you to understand that as your doctor, my primary concern is you, not your husband or son.”

Sarah looked over at Dr. Robbins. “I don’t think anyone can help me and if I was to be honest with you I wouldn’t even know where to start. “

Dr. Robbins looked at her. “Maybe the best place to start is the beginning, Sarah?”

Sarah was scared to open up to anyone, but deep down there was a part of her that truly needed to open up, and she decided that she had nothing left to lose.

Sarah looked at Dr. Robbins.”It’s not easy for me to talk about myself. I’ve always been this way, and the only ones that I can blame are my parents. My mother was never really there for me. My father, well, he spent most of his time after work drinking with his friends, and when he would come home at first, he would sneak into Janet’s room. I remember hearing her crying late at night.   One day I came home from school and she was gone. I was too young at the time to understand why she had left, but shortly after she left, it was my room that he was sneaking into.

At first he would just hold me close, maybe kiss or touch me. He used to say that he loved me whenever he was with me. Eventually he did more with me besides just the hugging and kissing, and he made me do things to him.”

“What did he have you do Sarah?” asked Dr. Robbins

“At first it was just oral sex, but later it became much more,” She said wiping the tears from her eyes.

“Did you ever talk to your mother about what was happening Sarah?”

“I tried to, numerous times, but she refused to listen to me.” Sarah said crying.

‘How did that make you feel Sarah?” asked Dr. Robbins

“I felt worthless, unloved and unwanted by my own mother.” Sarah said crying, “At least with my father I felt wanted and loved, even if what the two of us were doing was wrong.”

“So I take it your home was not a very happy place for you, with everything that was happening there. What about school?” asked Dr. Robbins

“I had a few friends that I used to talk with, but there was really no one that I trusted or could turn to for help.   I guess that I was also afraid of ending up in an orphanage if I told anyone, and like dad used to say, they wouldn’t believe me anyway.

“So when did you leave home, Sarah?”

“I left home shortly after my 18^th birthday, and shortly after that I met Jake. A year later the two of us married, and then Andrew came along”

“So tell me about your relationship with Jake?” asked Dr. Robbins

“Jake was a good man back then, but he liked to drink a little more then he should.”

“Was he even abusive with you mentally or physically Sarah?”

“Jake never hit me, but from time to time he would get angry and say things that he shouldn’t have but he always apologized to me once he calmed down.”

“What was the main reason for most of the fighting between Jake and yourself?” asked Dr. Robbins

  Sarah sighed.“I guess mostly it was about our son, Andrew.”

“When it comes to your son, what was it about him that used to make the two of you fight?” Dr. Robbins asked, frowning.

“Andrew wasn’t really what either of us expected; we were told that we were having a daughter, but instead, I had a boy. Jake was really happy, at the idea of having a little boy he could do things with, you know, the whole father and son thing. Andrew wasn’t like most boys; there was something wrong with the child from the start. When Jake used to get made at Andrew, he would say that he should have had a daughter instead of a sissy for a son. It might have been cruel, but he was right. Andrew was more girl then boy, right from the start.

“How did it make you feel, having a sissy, as your husband would say?”

“I loved Andrew, but there was nothing I could do for him. Jake tried everything he could think of to help the child, but nothing worked. I guess rather then fight with Jake over Andrew, I kind of just let him deal with things.”

“Did you ever take Andrew to see a doctor that specialized in gender issues, Sarah?”

“Jake wouldn’t have anything to do with it, and I can’t blame him, we both wanted a normal son, not a boy dressed in girl’s clothes.” Sarah said sadly.

Dr. Robbins looked over at Sarah, “You might not realize it, Sarah, but there are conditions where a child is born one gender, in Andrew’s case male, but the brain chemistry isn’t male but female. If this is the case with your son, there is absolutely nothing you or your husband could have done to change him. It would be like trying to change an apple into an orange it’s impossible. The only way you would have known for sure about Andrew was if he was taken to a specialist, which neither you or your husband were willing to do.

“If I understand you right, Dr. Robbins, you’re saying that Andrew might actually be a girl inside?” Sarah said rather shocked.

“I can’t answer that question for you Sarah, you’re son needs to see a specialist that deals with that sort of condition, but if he is, there really is only one treatment that works, his mind and body would have to come into balance. In other words he is already a genetic female mentally; he would just need to have the surgery to become one physically.”

Sarah sat there in shock. If Dr. Robbins was correct, she’d had a daughter all along and was too blind to see the truth. Had she listened to her child, maybe they would still be a family.   Sarah had known Andrew had been wearing her clothes at least a few times, and felt sick thinking that he had been doing something in them. She had kept it to herself, because she knew that Jake would completely lose control and likely put Andrew in the hospital. She’d kept her mouth shut and never said anything, but now she knew that if she had told Jake about Andrew there would have been nothing he could have done to change Andrew other then hurt him.

Dr. Robbins looked over at Sarah, “I think that we have done enough for today, but I’d like you to try something. Maybe it will help you understand your son better. I want you to look at your life and experiences, and think about Andrew. I am betting that the two of you have a lot in common, Sarah.”

“All right, Dr. Robbins. When will I be seeing you again?” asked Sarah.

“I’ll be in tomorrow afternoon, and the two of us will have another talk.”

“Dr. Robbins, thanks. I have to admit that I feel better now.” Sarah said.

 

[-][+][-]

 

It was around 3 pm when I turned off the television and made my way outside and took a seat on the steps. I don’t know why I was even thinking it, but I was starting to think about returning to school. It had been over a month now since I last attended school. If I’d had any friends, then I am sure that I would have missed them. I guess that things were different now, and there was a part of me that wanted to reach out to other people.

I was scared of being hurt again, but I knew that it was time that I started making a life for myself and did my own thing. But what was my own thing? For so long everything that I had done was to please my parents, and now they were not part of my life anymore. I could choose what I thought was right for me. I had my new family, and I knew whatever I chose to do, they would be there to support me.

I guess that I just needed to figure out the million dollar question. “Who was Jessica Dawn Tanner?” Seems like an easy question to answer, but not when you spent the last 16 years of your life going by the name “Andrew Roberts.”

Something told me that those questions would be answered in the next few months, with the help of the doctor that Janice arranged for me to see. Still, in the end it would be up to me to choose, and to be honest it felt nice only having to worry about myself and not what other people would think. I guess deep down, I knew that my life would never be the same. The emotional pain that had been following me most of my life was finally gone.

I no longer feared life as I used to, and most importantly I was looking forward to the future, something I never used to pay much attention to. I guess when you are crippled with thoughts of suicide, the only future you can see is a painful one. But like my sister Amy, I’m now a survivor, and I’ve learned that there is always hope, even when I can’t see it. So whatever the future had in store I would deal with it a day at a time, and be the person that I was meant to be.

It was at that moment that I saw Megan and Jennifer turning the corner. When they saw me sitting on the step, it wasn’t very long before the three of us were have a group hug. It felt great to be home with the people that I loved, and for the rest of the night we were one big happy family.

 

[-][+][-]

 

“Had I known what the future had in store for us, I would have run away as far as I could, but for the moment, I would rather stay in the present.”

 

 

End of Part 16

To be continued in part 17

Synopsis: After spending a week in the hospital, Dr. Masters gave me a clean bill of health and sent me home. To say that I was happy to finally be going home was an understatement! After mom picked me up, the two of us headed to the salon. Where I had my hair cut, colored and styled. This had been something that I’ve wanted to have done for the longest time.

 
 

 
 

Vincent sat in front of his desk. There was a police officer sitting across from him, and he looked very nervous. You could see the sweat running down his face.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Vincent. The information in the file said that Andrew Roberts was at that address.”

“I don’t care what the file says, Nick. Rocco already checked the Tanners home and Andrew is not there. I pay you good money Nick, now I expect you to find Andrew Roberts. If you don’t find him, expect a visit. Do you understand me?” Vincent asked calmly.

“Yes, I understand, sir.” Nick said, wiping the sweat from his brow.

“Now, get out of my sight, and you better come back with results.” Vincent said.

“I will!” Nick said as he left.

Once Vincent was alone, he picked up the phone and called Rocco. The phone rang a few times before Rocco answered.

“Hi Vincent, what can I do for you?” asked Rocco.

“I just talked to Nick, he’s going to look into things, but something here isn’t adding up. I want you to keep an eye on the Tanners, find out everything you can. The boy may not be staying with them, but it’s possible that they know where to find him.” Vincent said.

“All right, Vincent, I’ll get on top of it right away. I think you need to have someone keep an eye on Jake. He was drinking last night, and was ready to do something stupid. If you ask me, dealing with Jake is only going to come back and bite us. We should walk away from him, before he brings us down with him.”

“Don’t worry about Jake, I can deal with him.” Vincent said.

“I hope you’re right, Vincent. You know how I feel about it.” Rocco said, frustrated.

“Yeah, I know, but you’re not the one in charge, I am.” Vincent said calmly and hung up the phone.

*You might be in charge for now, Vincent, but things change.* Rocco said to himself as he slammed the phone down.

Rocco grabbed his coat and headed out the door, leaving Jake to his own devices. He climbed into his car and made the ride into town. He didn’t like this at all, and knew that if he didn’t do something soon, everything was going to go straight to hell. Rocco had been thinking all night, and only came up with three options. The first would be to take out Vincent. This would likely cause a feud within the family, and place his own family in jeopardy.

The second plan was easier, but still had risks. He could go to John Adams for help, and make it look like Vincent was taken out by a rival. The third option was still risky, but it had the best chance for success. He could set up Jake Roberts. All it would take is a few drinks to get him riled up, and then set him loose. He’d place an anonymous call to the police and once they had Jake, it wouldn’t take long before he would break, and tell them everything.

Of course, this would also mean that Rocco would be implicated when Jake talked to the police. He could end up in jail, something that he really wasn’t looking forward to. This left him with only one option, he would have to talk to the police himself, but there was a problem with that idea, as well. Vincent had too many cops on his payroll, and it would only take one person to open their mouth and screw up everything. This meant Rocco needed to find someone Vincent hadn’t bought, which was easier said than done. There might be a way that he could find someone; he’d just need to pay the district attorney a visit.

If Rocco played his card right, he could be running the whole show himself. What he was about to do was still a gamble, which meant he still needed to find where Andrew was. Vincent was right; the Tanners were the only real lead that he could follow. He would wait till he found Andrew, and then make his move. Rocco smiled to himself. *Jake is going to be having lots of fun soon.*

It was around 10 am when I finally decided to make it out of bed. Slowly, I made my way into the bathroom. As I did my business, I could still feel the stinging from where they operated on me, but it seemed to be less each day. It had been a week already since I’d had my operation, and the redness and swelling was slowly going away. I hoped that there wasn’t any major scarring, but from what Dr. Masters said, it wouldn’t be a problem. I guess time would tell though.

After I wiped myself and flushed the toilet, I made my way over to the mirror. When I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t help but smile. I had a major case of bed head, but I could still see a bit of the styling that Dianne did to it yesterday. The change in color made me look very different, almost as if Andrew had never really existed. I guess it was time to face the world, so I ran a hot shower, slipped out of my nightie and climbed inside.

It felt good as the warm water hit my body. There was something else different as I lathered up with the soap and ran my hands over my body. I could feel my nipples become erect. Over the last week they seemed to be more sensitive then they had ever been before my operation. I guessed it was because my body was creating the new levels of hormones now. Like Dr. Masters said, I could expect plenty of changes, and this was just one of them.

The change that I wasn’t looking forward to was my period, especially if the cramps were anything like what had lead me to the hospital. I really doubted that it would be as bad. Before, there had been nowhere for it to go, but now I was just as equipped as any other woman was, in every way that mattered.

I reached over and turned off the water, then slowly climbed out, grabbed a towel to dry myself off, then made my way into my room. I still wasn’t comfortable wearing jeans because of the surgery, so I chose a black skirt, white blouse and my bra and panties. I didn’t bother with attaching the breast forms with the glue, because my budding breasts were already sensitive enough as they were. I just placed some tissue under them and when I put on the bra I wore it looser the normal. I found that way it bothered me less.

After I finished dressing, I spent the next 15 minutes styling my hair. I was able to recreate the job that Dianne had done, but it took a little work. I knew that in time, I would get better. I then moved to my makeup, which was a lot easier now. I’ve had lots of practice doing my own makeup and when I looked in the mirror, I liked what I saw. I couldn’t wait to get out of the house and have some fun.

The first step was to get Megan out of bed. That girl could sleep her life a way if given a chance. I made my way upstairs to her room and sure enough, I could hear her snoring. I sneaked up to her with a wicked smile. I reached under the blankets and started tickling her, and within minutes she was threatening to kill me. It didn’t really make all that much sense, considering she was giggling the whole time she was yelling at me. As I ran out of the room laughing, she nailed me in the back of the head with her pillow.

“Time to get up Sis, we have things to do and places to go!” I said with a smile, and made my way downstairs.

When I enter the kitchen, Mom was standing by the stove making pancakes and Daddy was sitting at the table, reading the paper and drinking a coffee, I walked over to Mom and gave her a kiss, then did the same with Daddy.

“I take it you woke Megan up?” Asked Daddy

” Yeah, something tells me that she is up.” I smiled, grinning. “It’s so cool having a sister.”

“Yeah I think so, too. By the way, Jessica, have you ever heard the saying that payback is a ‘You know what’?” Megan said with an evil grin.

“I love you too, Sis.” The two of us started giggling.

Janice looked over at the two of us. “God help me, am I really ready for two girls?”

“Mommy, we are perfect angels.” Megan said with a smile.

“Perfect angels!” Daddy said, laughing. “More like little devils this morning!”

“Megan and I giggled, and then I looked over at her. She smiled and nodded, and before Daddy knew what was happening, the two of us attacked him. Before long we had him on the floor, laughing his head off. Well, until he turned the tables on us, and the next thing we knew he was tickling me and Megan. Thankfully, Megan got the worst of it, and Daddy went easy on me.

It was at that moment that Mom started yelling, “All right kids, that’s enough, and that goes for you too, Anthony!”

Soon all of us were laughing together and I loved every moment of it. This was how a real family was supposed to be.

 
 

 
 

After Megan and I did up the dishes, we gave Jennifer a call. The three of us decided that we were going to head over to the mall and check out the deals. I really wasn’t planning on buying anything consider Janice had already spent a small fortune on me already but she insisted that there was still so much that I needed especially since I would be starting back to school soon. She handed me her bank card and said to take $100.00 off it and told Megan to make sure that I got clothes that were appropriate for school.

Jennifer’s mother, Caroline, said that she would pick us up and drop us off at the mall, So Megan and I headed outside to wait for her to arrive. It didn’t take her very long, considering she only lives a few houses away, Megan and I could have just walked over, but after Jennifer told her mother that I had just got out of the hospital, she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I think that Caroline wanted to get a good look at me now. There weren’t too many people that knew me, but she was one of them, Jennifer had told her the truth about me, and I couldn’t blame her. When I attempted to take my life, Megan had been with me, and she’d had Mom there to comfort her, but the only person Jennifer had to turn to was her mother. Caroline was always nice to me, so I really wasn’t worried at all about her knowing the truth.

When Megan and I climbed into Caroline’s car she was all smiles, “God, this is unbelievable! You look so pretty Jessica, and wow, I love the hair!”

“Thanks, Mom took me to have it done yesterday. I love the job they did too.” I said smiling.

Caroline smiled, “I am also really happy that you can finally be the real you, honey. I always knew deep down that you were to pretty to have ever be a boy.”

“Thanks, Caroline,” I said blushing. “I’m just happy to be myself, and not have to pretend anymore.”

“Well honey, as far as I am concerned, Andrew never existed.” Caroline said, smiling.

Once Caroline pulled the car up to the main entrance of the mall and placed the car in park. She turned around to face Megan and I. “Why don’t the two of you come over tonight, you’re both welcome to spend the night. We can order a pizza and have a movie night.”

I looked over at Megan and she smiled.

“What time should we be there?” asked Megan.

Jennifer smiled. “How about around 6pm?”

“That’s fine with me.” I said with a smile, and then turned to look over at Megan and Jennifer. “And no funny business, I am still recovering.”

“Well, there goes my fun!” Megan said with a smile.

I thought about it for a minute. Something told me that I’d better be the last one to go to sleep. I didn’t trust either one of them as far as I could throw them, and that wasn’t very far. I smiled to myself though, *If I’m the last to fall asleep, then maybe I could have some fun at their expense.*

Jennifer looked at me, and then turned to Megan. “Your sister is up to something”

“She’s always up to something, and when she smiles, you know that its trouble.” Megan said with a smile.

“Hey, I take offense to that statement! I have an adorable smile.” I said, pouting.

Rocco had been parked a few houses past Jessica and Megan’s home, watching carefully. When he saw the two girls come outside and wait for their friend, he decided to follow them. He hoped that they would lead him to wherever Andrew was staying. Rocco followed behind them far enough that he could see where the girls were going, but also far enough that they couldn’t tell that he was following them.

After the girls pulled into the mall he found a place to park close enough to the entrance that he could watch the girls while at the same time follow them inside. Once inside the mall he followed the three girls at a distance, but made it look like he was shopping, the girls made a straight line to the ladies department. This really made it hard for him to follow them and not look out of place.

Luckily there the men’s department was close enough that he could keep an eye on them, even though he was still a fair distance away. He could hear anything they were saying, Rocco picked out a few pairs of shoes and sneakers, then took a seat on the bench and made it look like he was trying on some new shoes. He walked around in them and kept an eye on the girls.

Hew watched the girls for what seem like hours, as they went from store to store like a swarm of locusts, devouring everything in sight. In reality though, it had only been about 40 minutes, and Rocco was happy to see them moving on. There was only so many shoes that he could try on. The next stop the girls made was the food court where they ordered something to eat, Rocco was happy to finally have a break, as he ordered a coffee and a sandwich himself. He grabbed a seat at a table that was close enough that he could keep an eye on the girls, and listen in on there conversation.

“That was a lot of fun I said as I took a bite out of my sandwich.”

“Yeah it doesn’t help either that your still recovering from your surgery.” Jennifer said sympathetically.

“Give it a few more weeks Jessica, and you‘ll be good as new.” Megan said smiling.

“I can deal with it, considering everything I’ve been through.”

“It was pretty cool of your mom, inviting us over like that, Jennifer.”

“Yeah, it was. I think she was just using it as an excuse to get to know you better, Jessica. With everything that’s happened, I think mom is still pretty shocked.”

“What should I bring? You know this is my first sleep over, Jennifer?”

“You can bring anything you want, just make sure that you bring a sleeping bag and some makeup. Well I have some makeup but not really much.”

I turned to Megan. “How about a sleeping bag, is there an extra one lying around at home?”

While Rocco listened to the girls talk, something just didn’t sound right. The girl Jessica, who he figured out was Megan’s sister, kept referring back to her sister Megan and asking questions that she really should have already known. If they were sisters, about the same age with a similar background, wouldn’t it stand to reason that she would know what was in her household like the sleeping bags? Then there was the makeup. Two girls, about the same age, with the same mother- wouldn’t she have provided pretty much the same amounts to both girls?

And then there was Jennifer. Why was her mother so interested in getting to know a girl that she supposedly had known for years? No, something didn’t make sense here at all. Rocco finished his lunch and left the girls to there own devices. He had other plans. He needed to find out as much about Jessica Tanner as he could, and the first place that he was going to was her school. If she had just got out of the hospital, then there should be a record of her being there. This might be a long shot, but maybe things were not as they seemed, and someone was hiding in plan sight.
 
 

 
 

As we finished our lunch, we still had a whole day to kill and a ton of shopping bags that needed to be dropped off at home before we could really do anything else. There was still one store that I wanted to hit before we left and that was the jewelry shop where I had my ears pierced. I really didn’t have anything other then the studs and a couple pairs of earrings. So the three of us soon found our way over to the store, but along the way I hit the bank machine and reached into my purse and pulled out Andrew’s bank card. I had five hundred dollars that had been sitting there for almost a year. It wouldn’t do Andrew any good, but it would be really helpful to Jessica.

So I placed the card into the machine and entered my pin then withdrew that whole the whole amount, placed the cash into my purse, then destroyed my card and threw it in the trash bin. I wouldn’t need it anymore, my next bank account would be under the name Jessica Tanner.

Once I was in the store the three of us made our way through the store and I bought close to two hundred dollars worth of jewelry. Megan and Jennifer were off looking at something when I came across this really nice necklace that had this little silver plate on it that was blank which meant that they could be engraved. When I looked at the price they were twenty dollars a piece. I called over the lady that was working behind the counter and ask her how much for it would cost for four of them engraved with the words, “Always Sisters, Forever Friends." The lady said it would cost $100 but since I was buying four necklaces and a ton of other jewelry she wouldn’t charge me for the engraving, which was fine with me.

So I paid for everything and she gave me a receipt, and then told me to drop back in a couple of days with my receipt, and the necklaces would be ready to be picked up. I thanked her, and soon the three of us were heading out of the store and heading down towards the exit. I decided that it would be easier just to take a cab home, rather than call Caroline. As we were taking the corner, someone slammed right into me, knocking me to the ground. I was kind of dazed for a moment, and as I looked up, the light was kind of blinding me. I could hear someone talking to me,

“God, Jessica! I am so sorry, are you all right?” As I slowly pulled myself together, I was wondering how this guy knew my name. Once I was sitting up and was not blinded by the light, I had no problem figuring out who he was. Scotty was looking very concerned about me.

I couldn’t help but smile. “Hi Scotty, yes, I’m fine, just a little shook up.“

He reached out and led me over to a bench. “Are you sure Jessica? I hit you pretty hard!”

“Scotty, I’m fine, but if you really want to make up for it, you could give us a drive home.” I said with a smile.

“Sure, Jessica,” he said. “Just let me get the car, and I’ll meet you at the door.”

He grabbed the cart that Megan had been pushing, and took it outside with him.

Megan and Jennifer were all giggles.

“What?” I said, looked over at them”

“Scotty really likes you girl.” Jennifer said smiling

“Yeah sis, he definitely likes you. He asks about you all the time.” Megan said

“Maybe you should get to know him? Who knows, you might hit it off! You really can’t use the excuse that it’s not fair to him anymore.” Jennifer said smiling.

I thought about it as the three of us walked towards the exit. I was a girl, mentally and physically. There was no reason that I had to be alone, especially when there was a guy that liked me, and I liked him just as much. I looked over at Megan and Jennifer. “You’re right, there’s no reason that I couldn’t date Scotty if I really wanted to,” I said with a smile.

After the three of us went out front, we didn’t really need to wait very long before Scotty pulled up in front of us. Megan and Jennifer climbed into the back of the car which left me sitting up front with Scotty. I climbed inside and shut the door behind me, then once everyone had their seat belts on, Scotty put the car into drive and we were headed home.

“While Scotty drove he looked over at me. “I thought you were only visiting with your parents Jessica? Don’t get me wrong, I am glad to see you, but I wish you would have given me a call.” Scotty said

“Sorry about that Scotty, but at the time I really didn’t know if I was going to be staying or not and I really didn’t think it was a good idea to go out with anyone until things were settled.”

“Are things settled now?” Scotty asked.

I smiled, “Yeah Scotty, and I’m here to stay, I’m living at Megan’s now.”

“Then maybe we can go out sometime Jessica?” Scotty asked flashing those puppy dog eyes at me. I thought to myself, how could I possibility say no, even if I wanted to, looking into those blue eyes of his.

“I’d like that, Scotty”, I said, smiling.

Meanwhile in the back Megan and Jennifer were making kissing noises and giggling like crazy, I turned to Scotty.

“Do you have anything in here that I can hit my sisters with?”

“Well there is a baseball bat in the trunk, if you’d like, I’m more the willing to pull over.” Scotty said, then the two of us started laughing

“Hey Sis, that’s not funny!” Megan said with a mock look of disgust on her face that only made me laugh harder.

Jennifer looked over at Megan, “I think we’ve created a monster. “

“Yeah Jennifer, I think you’re right.” Megan said with a smile.

After we arrived at home, Megan and Jennifer carried my bags inside, while I stayed outside. Scotty and I talked for a bit. It was really nice seeing him again, and we made plans to take in a movie later in the week. This time, I gave him my phone number. After Scotty left and I went inside, I was hit with 101 questions, mostly form Megan and Jennifer, but when Mom came out she asked to talk to me alone. Megan and Jennifer headed upstairs to her room, and I took a seat on the couch with Mom. She smiled at me, so I knew that I wasn’t in trouble at least.

“I knew that the two of us would have to have this talk sooner or later, but I wasn’t expecting to do it now. I get the feeling that this is a good time, though.” Mom said.

“It’s just a date, we’re not going to be doing anything, Mom.” I said, looking into her eyes.

“I know honey, you may have spent most of your life living as a boy, but deep down you never really were a boy. Because of that you don’t really know much about how a boy reacts when he is attracted to a girl. I am not just talking about sexual contact, sweetheart. When a boy likes a girl, his emotions tend to lean him more toward physical contact, but for a woman, it’s more of an emotional connection. That’s not to say that physical contact isn’t important to us too, because it is a very important part of the relationship. You just need to be careful, honey.”

So much has happened to you, and the last thing you need is to get caught up with a guy that keeps you from thinking straight. You’re a normal girl now, in every way, baby. That means that you can also get pregnant, and believe me you are just learning what its like to be a teenage girl. The last thing you need is to become a mother, at least not yet, honey. I know that if you get involved with a boy, then eventually he is going to want you to have sex with him. All I ask is that you think things through before doing something you will regret later. If you choose to have sex, at least make sure you are on the pill, and he is wearing a condom.”

I looked at mom and smiled. “It’s all right, Mom. I promise that I will be careful. I know that I’m not ready to have sex with anyone. I just want what everyone else does, Scotty is a nice guy and he really likes me, and I have had this thing for him for ages. If it works out, then that will be nice. If not, I am sure someone else will come along.”I said with a smile.
 
 
 

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 18

By, Cain129

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: I’ve had a very strange and confusing life, and it’s never easy putting together the puzzle that had been made from it. Today, things are becoming much better, thanks to the people around me, but there’s still a void, though. It somehow continues to eat away at me. See, I’ve always had to pretend to be someone I really wasn’t, and I’ve never had a chance to really care about someone else. No one has ever really been close to me, especially when it came to my real ‘opposite sex”-you know, Boys!

I’m really no different from any other girl, and I have the same hopes, desires and feelings. I’ve just never really able to express them. Things are different now; there is no reason for me to be alone. Should I follow my heart? A part of me says yes, but there’s still that other little voice that says I’m really a fake, and not good enough. If I try to be the real me and share my heart, I’ll only get hurt. I’ve decided to take the risk; I choose to follow my heart.

 

Chapter 41

 

After leaving the Mall, Rocco decided to call a friend of his. He needed someone that could access the school’s computer, and he knew that it wasn’t him. He made a quick call to his friend Wayne, and they had agreed to meet outside the school. Being that it was a weekend, there would be no one there and the two of them could take their time.  

Rocco took an experienced look at the school’s security system, and he had no trouble figuring out that all he had to do was cut the phone line. Even if the alarm went off, it wouldn’t be able to dial out and notify the security company that had the school’s contract. So after he cut the phone line, it was pretty much smooth sailing.   Once the two of them were inside, Rocco finished disabling the alarm.

The two of them only had so much time before the security company would figure out that the connection to the school had been cut. They had to make the most of their time, and they headed to the school office. Wayne went to work, quickly breaking through the computer’s security. The first thing he tried was all the simple passwords that people tend to put on their systems. When that didn’t work he restarted the computer and put it in safe mode, which pretty much by bypassed the password but still didn’t give him access to the files. It did give him the ability to access the control panel, and from there he chose users and created a new account, then set himself up as an administrator. Once it was restarted, all he had to do was log into the new account that he’d just created. He then turned to Rocco. “Whoever locked down this computer was a complete moron.”

Wayne pulled a jump drive out of his bag and plugged it into the computers USB port. He copied the contents of the computers hard drive, which took about 15 minutes and while Wayne worked, Rocco kept an eye open for any trouble that might arise. It seemed to take forever but soon the computer made a beeping noise and a box popped up which said that the transfer was completed. Wayne unplugged it from the computer and placed the jump drive into his bag.

“Do we have everything?” asked Rocco.

“Yeah, all I have to do is plug the drive into my computer at home and we can access everything that was on the computer. C’mon, Rocco, let’s get out of here.” Wayne said, looking nervous as he closed his knapsack.

It only took them 20 minutes to drive to Wayne’s home. The first thing Wayne did was to start up the computer and while it was loading, he went into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee.  

“How long will it take for you to get the information off the drive?” Rocco asked, impatiently.

“Not very long. All I need to do is plug in the drive and do a search for the person that you are looking for. I have access to everything that was on the school computer.” Wayne said with a smile.

“I’m glad you’re working for me, Wayne.” Rocco said with a smile.

After the coffee was brewed and Wayne poured a cup for Rocco and himself, he took a seat in front of his computer and plugged in the jump drive. Soon another drive appeared on his computer which he clicked on and then turned to Rocco. “Alright we’re ready, who am I looking for ?” asked Wayne

“See what you can find on Andrew Roberts,” Rocco said as he took a seat next to Wayne and watched what his friend was doing.

It only took a few minutes before Wayne pulled up Andrew’s file. He turned to Rocco. “Okay, I found him. What do you want me to look for?”   Wayne said.

“Check the last time he attended school.” Rocco said

“It’s been a little over a month since he was last in school. There is a note attached, lets see what is says.” Wayne read the note. “It says return date unknown, under a doctor’s care for attempted suicide. Shit man, what does Vincent want with this kid?” Wayne said looking worried.

The kid is the son of a dirt bag that he has working for him.” Rocco said,

Wayne looked at Rocco. “Please tell me you’re not going after this child?”

“That’s what Vincent wants me to do.” Rocco said

Wayne looked at Rocco.” C’mon, tell me you’re not going to do this!”

“Don’t worry, I have my own plans, Wayne.   At the moment, I need to find out everything that I can about Andrew Roberts, including his whereabouts.” Rocco said frowning.

“Listen Rocco, whatever you’re planning, if you need me, I am there. Like you, I’ve had enough of Vincent, he’s done some stupid things before but this takes the cake, putting a hit on a child.” Wayne said in anger.

“The first step is to find out everything that we can, I have another name that I want you to check Wayne, see what you can find out about a Jessica Tanner.” Rocco said.

Wayne typed in the name and found nothing. He tried just the last name, and found Megan Tanner, but there was no Jessica. He turned to Rocco.

“There is no record of a Jessica Tanner on the computer.” He then went online and checked under birth records for a Jessica Tanner and came up with a huge list, he then turned to Rocco, “How old is she and what are her parents names?”

“I would guess she is around sixteen and her parents are Anthony and Janice Tanner.” Rocco told him.

Wayne put the new search parameters into the computer and the only birth record that came up was Megan Tanner. He then turned to Rocco.

“There is no Jessica Tanner at least until recently.” Rocco started putting the pieces together. Andrew Roberts and Jessica Tanner were probably the same person. He turned to Wayne.

“They’re the same person. Jessica is Andrew Roberts!” Rocco said in shock.

Rocco couldn’t believe it. The child he saw at the mall was definitely a girl. The way she walked, talked and expressed herself was perfect. There had to be more to this.   He’d find out soon enough, but he knew that it was only a matter of time before Vincent figured out the truth. Especially considering how quickly it had been for Rocco to put the pieces together. He had to do something fast, if he was going to protect the child. Rocco really didn’t care how Andrew dressed. Whether male or female, that child was still in danger.   If Jake found out that his son was dressed as a girl, he would likely loose it and really hurt the child, or worse. Rocco was determined not to let that happen.

 

Chapter 42

 

Sarah Roberts had been in the hospital now for a several days. The first few days had been the hardest for her, but she had continued to open up to Dr. Robbins. Each day the two of them spoke together, and he was able to draw more out of her. For the first time in her life, she felt comfortable talking about her past. Dr. Robbins mostly just listened and asked question every now and then, but didn’t pass judgment on her. She had spent the last couple of days reflecting over her life, just like she had been asked to by Dr. Robbins. She was starting to see things clearly.

She used to say that she would never be like her mother, and would always love and protect her children. Somewhere along the way, she had become just as bad as her mother was, if not worse. She had hurt her child, and there was no excuse for what she’d done. She had been so caught up in her own pain that she couldn’t see that her own child was in danger. Because of her inability to protect her child, she had lost him forever.

She knew that Andrew would never forgive her, how could he? She couldn’t forgive her own parents for the hell that they had put her though. All she could do now was take responsibility for her own actions, and maybe someday she would have a relationship with her child. That would be up to Andrew. She knew that there was nothing she could do that would make up for what had happened. Only time could possibly fix things.

Andrew may never want anything to do with her again, but she’d made up her mind that she could at least protect Andrew from Jake. She would keep what she suspected to herself. If Andrew was living as a girl, then Jake wouldn’t be hearing about it from her. There was nothing else that she could offer her son, other than her silence.

Dr. Robbins had visited her today and told her that she was free to go home if she wanted to. If she did, though, he told her that she would be leaving with many of the same problems that she had come into the hospital with. He gave her the choice to stay or leave. Sarah thought about what he said. She was depressed, but tired of being the victim. It was time for her to stop hiding and take responsibility for her own life.   She chose to stay and continued with her treatment. After all, she felt that there was nothing and nobody waiting for her outside of the hospital.

[-][+][-]

It was around 6 pm when Jessica and Megan got to Jennifer’s home, carrying their sleeping bags and knapsacks. They were met at the door by Caroline, and once inside the girls set up their sleeping bags on the living room floor in front of the television.

“Alright girls, I have to make a trip, make yourselves at home and I’ll be back in about an hour with the pizza.” Caroline said with a smile.

After Caroline left and it was just the three of us, Jennifer said she wanted to bake some cookies. The three of us soon found ourselves in the kitchen making cookie dough, and between the three of us, we couldn’t make up our minds on what kind to make. I wanted peanut butter cookies Megan and Jennifer wanted chocolate chip, we eventually decided on peanut butter chocolate chip.

So after mixing the dough, we put it on two cookie sheets and placed it in the oven. While it cooked we headed into the living room and Jennifer put on some music and Megan and her started dancing. As for myself, well, I really didn’t know how to dance. It wasn’t long before the two of them dragged me into the middle of the room. They decided to teach me the moves, and soon all three of us were dancing and singing along to the songs together.

The three of us were dancing for awhile, when I heard my phone start ringing. I walked over to where I had left my purse and pulled out my phone and hit the answer button.

“Hello?” I answered, pleasantly.

“Hi, Jessica, it’s Scotty. What are you up too?”

“Hi Scotty, not much. We’re just over at Jennifer’s, having a sleep over. How are you doing?” I asked as I headed into the kitchen.

“I’m doing alright Jessica, I’d be better though if I could see you.”

“I guess that you’re going to have to wait.” I said smiling to myself.

“How long?” Scotty asked.

“Well, I have am free tomorrow.” I said, hoping he would be free.

“Cool! How about I pick you up after school, and we can grab a bite to eat?” Scotty suggested.

“Sure, that would be nice Scotty!   I better let you go before Megan and Jennifer start making those annoying smooching noises again. I’ll see you tomorrow Scotty.” I said with a smile.

“Alright, have a good time tonight!” Scotty said

“You too, Scotty, bye!” I said, ending the call.

I was really happy as I walked over to the oven and checked the cookies. They were pretty much done, so I put on the oven mitts and took the cookie sheets out of the oven. Placing them on top of the stove to cool, I then turned the oven off. The cookies turned out pretty much perfect and I couldn’t wait to sample them, but I waited and joined Megan and Jennifer in the living room. Once I took a seat on the couch, Megan and Jennifer plopped down on the couch beside me.

“Alright, we want details, little sister.” Megan said with a smile.

“Scotty misses me!” I said, ecstatically.

“That’s fast, Jennifer.” said smiling

“Yeah, really fast!” Megan said, and then turned to me. “So when are you two going out?”

“He’s picking me up after school Monday, and taking me out to supper.” I said with smiling.

“It’s a shame, that you couldn’t wait until I got home Jessica, I would have given you a hand with your makeup.” Megan said

“You should give him a call tomorrow and put off meeting him for about an hour Jessica, that way Megan and I can help you get ready.” Jennifer said smiling

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to make him wait another hour.” I said

“Cool, Jessica. It’s your first real date and Jennifer and I want it to be perfect” Megan said giving me a hug.

I thought about what they said. It was true, it was my first real date and it was with a guy that I was crazy about. Ever since he saved me from those nasty bullies, he had always been nice to me. Even when he found out that he was protecting another boy, but god bless him he wasn’t like the other kids at school that needed to pick on someone smaller then themselves just to feel good about himself.

The only thing that I wondered was if he would still want to date me if he knew the truth about who I used to be. There really was no reason to tell him right away. As far as I am concerned, I have always been a girl and no, I was no different then Megan or Jennifer. You never really know how people will take news like this and I am sure when I go back to school, there will be kids that won’t believe the truth. I would be honest with Scotty though, if the two of us really hit it off I will tell him everything.

Caroline arrived a few minutes later carrying the two pizzas in one hand and a bag in the other. I ran over to give her a hand, and took the pizzas into the kitchen. Megan and Jennifer went outside and helped Caroline bring in the rest of her bags. As I watched I couldn’t believe that she had done so much within an hour. After she was inside, we gave her a hand putting away the groceries and I turned to her.

“How did you manage to do all this within an hour?”

Caroline smiled. “It really isn’t that hard honey. I made a list ahead of time, and have been shopping at the same place for years.   It’s pretty rare that I can’t find what I am looking for there. As far as ordering the pizza goes, I called it in at the super market and picked it up on the way home.

“Guess that I will give you an A+ for time management.” I said smiling

“I saw something while I was out, and picked it up for your mother. I thought she would get a kick out of it.” Caroline reached into her purse and handed me an envelope.

“Would you mind if I take a look?” I asked, being nosey.

“Sure go ahead Jessica.” Caroline said, smiling.

I opened the envelope and pulled out a card.   It said “Congratulations, It’s a girl!”   Below that was a picture of a baby girl, throwing a tantrum. The baby was evil and hitting the mother over the head with the baby bottle. I started giggling, and couldn’t stop. I handed it to Megan, and it wasn’t long before all of us were laughing.

After recovering, I looked over at Caroline. “Does this mean you think I’m a bad girl?”

Caroline laughed., “No honey, I just though your mom would get a kick out of it. When I saw it, just like you, I got a good laugh out of it.”

I giggled. “Yeah, it’s pretty funny, and she’ll love it.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

The rest of the night turned out to be lots of fun. We took turns doing each other’s makeup and hair, and even Caroline joined in. I learned quite a bit that night. We spent the rest of the night watching movies. It was around 2:30 in the morning before we actually fell asleep. Between the pizza, chips, soda and cookies, the three of us were on a sugar high.

It turned out to be a pretty good day and definitely a busy one for me.   I had a great time, and it was so nice to just be a teenager and hang out with my friends again. Running into Scotty was also nice, and I was looking forward to our date. There was something that was really bothering me though. Have you even had that eerie feeling that something bad was about to happen? I had been having that feeling all day, and something just didn’t feel right. I hoped it was just paranoia and nothing else, but   I just couldn’t seem to shake the feeling. Maybe all I needed was a good night’s sleep; at least, that’s what I hoped.

 

[-][+][-]

 

End of part 18

To be continued part 19

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 19

By, Cain129

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: Up to this point, Jessica has been kept safe from her father but a net is beginning to close around her, Rocco has figured out who Jessica really is, and her mother Sarah suspects that the girl she saw at the hospital was really Andrew. The question is, now that Rocco knows the truth that Andrew and Jessica are the same person, how long will it be before Vincent puts the pieces together and tells Jake.

Chapter 43

 

Jessica had a great time at the sleep over. More than anything, she was really excited about her date with Scotty. She found it so hard to believe that a little over a month ago she was living as a teenage boy. So much had changed in such a short time. Jessica always knew deep down that she wasn’t a boy, but she lived in a world that couldn’t accept the truth. Things were different now and her life would never be the same again.

“All right, Jessica, you can look now.” Megan said smiling.

I walked over to the mirror. When I saw my reflection it was hard to believe that the girl looking back was really me, and I couldn’t help but smile. I looked over at Megan and Jennifer.

“Thanks guys, it’s hard to believe this is really me.”

“Scotty’s gonna have a hard time keeping his hands off you, girl!” Jennifer said with a big smile.

“Yeah, she’s right, maybe I should lend you my pepper spray”, Megan said with a big smile.

“I’m not going to use pepper spray on Scotty! You never know though, he might be the one needing the pepper spray.” I said with an evil grin.

“Careful, Jessica, the last thing you need is to get a bad reputation.” Megan said looking very concerned.

I smiled. “I’m just kidding Megan! I don’t even know what to do on a date!”

“Just have fun and be yourself.” Jennifer said, as she put her arm around me. “You look beautiful, and Scotty would be really lucky to have a girlfriend like you.”

“Thanks Jennifer, but I think that I would be the lucky one, having a guy like him. I’ve always liked Scotty, and not just because he happens to be really handsome. Do you guys remember the day that those nasty bullies were beating me up, and Scotty stopped them? Even after he found out that I wasn’t a girl, he still protected me. I guess that was the day I really fell for him. He didn’t have to help me. Most guys would have just walked away, especially after finding out that I was a boy. I guess that I knew from that day on that Scotty was special, and it made me want him all the more. It hurt like hell, every time I saw him with another girl.

Megan smiled. “I hope that it works out for the two of you, Sis.”

“I hope so, too! The two of you would make a good couple.” Jennifer said

“I guess that we’ll just have to wait and see how things go between Scotty and me. Who knows the two of us may have nothing in common.”   I said, frowning

Megan smiled. “Really Jessica, I don’t think that will be a problem. I’ve seen the way the two of you are together, there is definitely something there.”

“Yeah, ever since the day that he met you, he’s been asking about you.” Jennifer said smiling. “Like how soon were you coming back?”

 

[-][+][-]

 

I thought about what Jennifer said. I could tell that he liked me, just by the way he acted. I felt very nervous inside, and I had these butterflies in my tummy. It’s hard to explain, I guess. I’ve never really felt like this with anyone. I knew what I felt wasn’t love, at least, not yet. There was something between us though, that I knew for sure.

It was around 4 pm when Scotty arrived. Since Megan and Jennifer weren’t done working on me, Mom answered the door and let him in. They were sitting on the couch as I made my way downstairs. I had dressed casually. Mom had told me not to overdress for my first date. I had chosen to wear my black skirt and white blouse. I was still recovering from my operation, and uncomfortable wearing jeans.

As I followed Megan and Jennifer down the stairs, Scotty saw me and he stood up with a big smile.

“God, you look beautiful.” Scotty said, with a “cat that caught the canary” smile.

  “Thanks, Scotty.” I said blushed. “You look pretty good yourself.”

“We should get going, before they give away our table”, Scotty said looking at his watch.

“All right.” I picked up my purse and was about to leave, when Mom came over. “Do you have your phone, baby?”

“Yes, Mommy, it’s charged and in my purse.” I said, smiling at her.

“Alright honey, if things don’t work out, call me and I’ll come get you.” Mom said, as she gave me a hug. “I love you, baby.”

My eyes were wet, but I smiled. “I love you more, Mom!”

 

[-][+][-]

 

After leaving the house, Scotty walked me to the car and opened my door. He helped me inside, and as I sat down, I felt a pull on my stitches. I winced at the sudden pain, and Scotty looked at me.

“Jessica, are you alright?” he asked, with a concerned look.

“Yeah, I just had surgery last week to fix a birth defect, and the stitches haven’t come out yet.” I didn’t want to explain any further.

“Well, if you need to stop and rest, let me know. The last thing that I want is to make you feel worse.” Scotty said thoughtfully.

I smiled. “Thanks, I’m alright, Scotty. So where are you taking me?” I asked him, to change the subject.

“Since it was our first date, I wanted to go somewhere decent. I have a friend that works over at the Keg Steakhouse, and he said they make excellent steaks. I hope you’re not a strictly veggie kind of girl, but if you are, that’s fine. They have salads and many other things there too.”

I smiled, “Steak’s fine with me, though I do love a good salad.”

“No problem, you can have both!” Scotty said, smiling

“So what do you like to do for fun, Jessica?” He asked.

I thought about it for a minute. Until recently I had been a loner and the only real outlet that I had was my computer. That wasn’t the person that I am now.

“I love music and I play the guitar and piano. Other then that, I mostly just hangout with my friends and see what happens. How about you, what makes your world rock?”

“I guess the both of us are into music. I play lead guitar for my band, but other then that, I play football and baseball. Guess you can say that I am kind of a sports nut.”

“I like baseball, but I’ve never liked football, really.   It’s way too rough of a sport.” I admitted with a small frown.

“It’s really not that bad Jessica, everyone is pretty careful for the most part. You’re right; it is a lot more physical than most sports, other then maybe rugby. Now that’s much more dangerous than football! What kind of music are you into, Jessica?”

“I like pretty much anything, as long as you can make out what they’re trying to say, but given a choice, I would choose country, or some of the older rock. What about you, I’ll bet you like rock, Scotty.”

“There is some country I like, but for the most part yeah, I’m into rock and that is pretty much the kind of music we play in our band.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

Scotty and I arrived at the restaurant a few minutes later, and found a parking spot. Scotty came around to the passenger side and opened the door for me, and helped me out of his car. I thought to myself, whoever taught his guy manners had sure done a good job! As the two of us made our way to the restaurant, Scotty never released my hand, and to be honest, I really didn’t mind in the least. A girl could get used to this kind of treatment.

Once inside, the waiter saw us to our table and left us with our menus. I had pretty much already decided what I was going to have on the drive over, so I went straight to the desert menu and noticed that they had my favorite, cheese cake. When the waiter returned, I ordered a well cooked steak, Caesar salad and a piece of cheese cake for desert, along with a coke to drink. Scotty ordered the same but ordered a root beer instead of coke.

“I have to say that I was pretty happy when you said that you were staying, but I was pretty surprised that you are going to be living at Megan’s. I take it that things were not going very well with your parents?” asked Scotty.

“Things haven’t been good at home for along time, Scotty. It’s a little hard for me to explain right now but I am really happy to be living with Megan and her parents.”

“When will you be starting school Jessica?”

“To be honest with you, I really don’t know. At the moment I’m waiting for my transcripts, and there are a few other legal issues that Janice and Anthony need to take care of first. Once that’s done, I’ll be starting school, but I’m not sure what school I’ll be attending.”

“I thought that you and I would be going to the same school Jessica, considering that it’s where Megan and Jennifer are too.” He said, frowning

 

[-][+][-]

 

I was beginning to think that going out with Scotty might have been a mistake. Not that I didn’t like him, because I really did. I just wasn’t prepared to answer all his questions.

Scotty looked over at me, “Jessica, are you alright?”

I looked over at him. I knew that eventually I was going to have to be honest with him. It wasn’t fair to start a relationship with anyone based on lies and that’s exactly what I was doing with him.”

“I can’t do this Scotty, it’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to me, either.”

“What are you talking about Jessica?”

“Listen Scotty, what I am going to tell you is really hard for me to say. I really like you and I don’t want to lie to you, so please just let me finish before you say anything.   If you don’t want to be with me, then I will understand. Just promise me one thing, that what I’m going to tell you stays between the two of us, alright Scotty?”

“Alright Jessica, I promise. Now what’s bothering you?”

“First off, I’m not who you think I am, Scotty. I used to go by another name ‘til about a month ago, that’s when I started living as Jessica.”

“Please tell me that you’re not a guy?” Scotty said, looking worried

I looked at him, “No Scotty, I’m not a guy but I had to live the last 16 years as one. I was born with a medical condition that the doctors missed, and my parents raised me as a boy. When I reached my teens, my condition became more apparent and finally the doctors were able to figure out what was wrong. I recently had the surgery to correct the problem. I am just like any other woman now, I can even have a baby, if I wanted to Scotty”

Scotty looked at me. It was really hard to figure out what he might have been thinking, I just hoped that he didn’t walk out on me, but he looked at me, puzzled.

“So, are you someone I already know?”

“Yes, the two of us have met before, Scotty. I had a couple of bullies were beating on me, and you stepped in and stopped them.”

Scotty looked at me in shock, then said, “Andrew?”

“Yes, but please don’t call me that, I never was really a boy.   I’m Jessica now, and Andrew is nothing more then a painful memory.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

“All right I’ll call you Jessica, but I have to admit, this is pretty hard to understand”

“Yeah? Try seeing it from my point of view, Scotty. I’ve always known that something wasn’t right. It wasn’t ‘til I became a teenager that I was able to piece everything together. At first, I thought that I was gay, but that didn’t make sense. Being a guy and being with one sexually felt wrong to me.

I read about transsexuals and that made more sense to me because everything fit, and until recently that’s what I thought was going on. A week ago, I had my first period and well, there was nowhere for it to go, and I ended up in the emergency room.

When they did the tests on me, they found that I was actually a girl all along!   Because of my medical condition, my hormone levels were off, I was already developing as a girl, my hips were becoming wider and my breasts were growing, just a lot slower then they should have been for someone my age.”

Scotty looked at me, “It couldn’t have been easy for you to tell me this and I appreciate that you were honest with me. I know that by telling me this, you were taking a risk and I won’t tell anyone. I really doubt they would believe it anyway. Just look at you. I’m having a hard time believing it, myself. It really doesn’t change anything, though.

I’m a boy and you’re a girl. We can’t really change how we feel, or who we’re attracted to. I think that I have always known on some level that you weren’t a boy. That day I stepped in and stopped those guys from beating you up, I didn’t see another guy. I saw a girl that was in trouble and even after I thought I knew the truth it really didn’t matter. To be honest with you, I really don’t know where things are going to go between us Jessica. All I know is that I like you and I don’t care who or what you used to be, all that matters is who you are now.”

Hearing those words from Scotty brought tears to my eyes, I had told him the truth and he accepted me-not only that, he was still interested in seeing me! I had been worried that he’d think I was some kind of freak, but he choose to stay.

I looked at Scotty. “Thank you, I was so afraid to tell you. I was sure you would run.”

“What happened isn’t your fault, and I’d be a fool to walk away over something like that. Had you kept the lie up and told me later, I think there could have been a problem between the two of us. The truth I can handle, but what I can’t handle is being lied too. It’s a terrible way to start a relationship with someone.”

“All right Scotty, from now on I will be honest with you.”

“Good Jessica, because I’d really like to get to know the real you, and not someone you fabricated.” Scotty said, as he reached over and took my hand.

 

[-][+][-]

 

 
 

Chapter 44

 

The two of us talked throughout supper and he told me things about himself and I found myself really beginning to warm up to him all the more.   He had this serious side to him that I really liked.

“Jessica I know that you are living with the Tanners now, but what happened between you and your parents?”

I looked at Scotty. “My parents and I have never really seen eye to eye. They tried to make me be someone that I really wasn’t. Let’s just say that there was a lot of emotional and physical abuse because I couldn’t live up to their expectations.”

“When it came to my father, he would have loved to have a son like you. You are everything that I wasn’t to him. For years, he tried to mold me to be exactly the kind of guy that you are, and it didn’t matter to him what I wanted. ”

“How do you’re parents feel about having a daughter?”

“They don’t know, Scotty. To be honest, I don’t really want anything to do with either one of my parents!

I pressed charges against them, and I imagine that I will be going to court soon, but things are much better now. Janice and Anthony are trying to adopt me, and I couldn’t ask for better parents.

They stood behind me through everything, especially the suicide attempt that started all of this in the first place. I also have some really good friends now. They know the truth, and they support me.” I said, smiling.

Scotty smiled, “You can count me as one of them now, Jessica.”

“Thanks Scotty, it really means a lot to me, knowing that I can count on you.”

“I’ve never really had anyone in my life that I could really depend on. At least, not until now! My parents were never really there for me, and I had no real friends to speak of, at least until recently.”

“It couldn’t have been easy for you, with everything you were going through, and having no one that you could turn to. I guess I’m lucky, my parents have always been there for me, even when I would do something stupid. They’ve always supported me and I can always turn to them.”

“It wasn’t easy, but thank god, things are different now and I never have to go back to the way things were.” I said smiling.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Scotty paid the bill for our supper he took my hand and the two of us walked back to his car and like before being a perfect gentleman, he opened the door for me and helped me inside, then climbed in beside me.

Scotty looked over at me. “I really don’t want to take you home right now. It’s still early; do you feel like going to Gallager’s and grabbing a coffee?”

“Yeah, Scotty, I’d like that, but I should call home, so they know where I am.” I   took my cell phone out of my purse and dialed home.

I waited as the phone rang though and Janice answered, “Hi mom, it’s me I just wanted to let you know that everything is alright, and that I am going to be a little later then planned. Scotty and I are heading over to Gallager’s to have a coffee and talk a little more.”

“All right honey, when can I expect you home?” Mom asked

“I’ll be back in a couple hours, Mommy. I told Scotty the truth and he’s fine with everything. I just thought it was the right thing to do.”

“All right honey, we‘ll talk about it when you get home.” Janice said ending the call.

I looked over at Scotty. “I don’t think that mom is happy that I told you.”

“She’s just worried that I might say something. When I bring you home, we’ll have a talk with her and I’ll let her know that she has nothing to worry about.” Scotty said smiling.

“Thanks Scotty, I think that would make a big difference.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

Gallager’s was pretty much a teen hangout, and just about everyone who was popular went there. This was my first time, in the past I’d avoided places like this because I had a target painted on my back. I’d had enough to deal with at school, keeping away from the bullies. The last thing that I’d wanted was to spend my nights hanging out in the same places that they went to. Things were different now; I was no longer that kid that they picked on.   I doubted that anyone would clue in that I was ever Andrew Roberts.   Especially with my new hair style and makeup, not to mention the way I now dressed.

It also helped that as the two of us made our way inside, Scotty had put his arm around me. This pretty much let everyone in the place know that we were an item.   I really didn’t mind it. I was happy and enjoying every minute. Once inside I looked around the place and saw quite a few kids from school. There was a group of them that Scotty waved to as we made our way up to the counter; I noticed a few of them looking over at me.   It felt kind of weird being stared at, but feeling Scotty’s arm around me made feel safe.

After ordering our coffees, Scotty and I made our way over to the table where his friends were sitting. It was pretty crowded, but Scotty managed to find two empty chairs and carried them over to the table. I pretty much knew everyone at the table. All the guy were on the football team with Scotty, and the two girls that were with them, Natasha and Britney, were on the cheerleading squad with Megan and Jennifer.

After the two of us took our seats at the table, Scotty introduced me.

“Guys, I’d like you to meet Jessica, she’s Megan’s cousin.”

“Hi, everyone!” I said smiling.

“Hi, Jessica, I’m Brian, and this is my girlfriend Natasha,” referring to the girl sitting next to him. “Across from me is Cliff and his girlfriend, Britney.“

“Where did you move from?” Natasha asked.

“I lived in Vancouver for about a year, but my parents tend to move around a lot. My dad is in the army, so I’ve never really had a permanent home.”

“That must have been hard, just settling in and making friends then, having to leave.” Britney said frowning.

“It’s pretty hard, but I got really tired of it and told my Aunt Janice that I couldn’t handle it anymore. She talked it over with the rest of the family, and it was decided that I’d move in with them. I’m pretty happy with the way things turned out.”

“So, I take it that you’ll be going to our high school then?” Cliff speculated.

“Most likely, but I am not sure when I’ll be starting. There are a bunch of legal papers that are being taken care of over my guardianship, and my transcripts still need to be transferred from Vancouver.” I said with a smile.

“Well, at least you have a vacation for now Jessica, but you will likely have a lot of catching up to do when you start school. If you need any help look me up. I am getting extra credit for tutoring, and I’m sure that I can work you in.” Natasha said

“Thanks Natasha, I’ll have to remember that.” I said

“You should consider trying out for the cheerleading squad Jessica! It’s a lot of fun and we get to travel a lot.” Britney said with a big smile.

“I thought the squad was already full?” Brian asked

Natasha looked over at Brian, “it is full but there is always room for a stand in, just in case one of us can’t make it or gets hurt at the game.”

“That makes sense.” Brian said, and then turned to me, “You should really consider joining it would be a great way to make friends, and Natasha is right, the road trips are a lot of fun.   Sometimes they last the whole weekend and usually we all get together after the game and hangout.”

“I really don’t know if it’s for me, but I will consider it.” I promised with a smile.

“So what do you like then, Jessica?” Cliff asked. “Enquiring minds want to know!”

“I play guitar and piano. I guess Country is what I most like, but it’s all good if I like the sound of it.”

Brian smiled. “That’s cool, Jessica. You’re welcome to jam with Scotty and I anytime, although we play mostly newer rock.”

“Thanks Brian, I think that I’d enjoy that.” I said smiling.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Scotty and I stayed at Gallager’s for about an hour before we said our goodbyes. I’d never really taken the chance to get to know the gang before, but they were all nice, and I looked forward to seeing them again.

Scott looked over at me. “They like you Jessica, I can tell. The cheerleading squad doesn’t really need anyone; they have more then enough people. That was just an excuse to have you join them.” Scotty said smiling.

“I’m tempted, but it’s not really my thing, Scotty.”

“Maybe not before but it might be now, Jessica, I think you should give it a try, if you don’t like it, there are always other things you can try.” Scotty said as he reached over and held my hand and gave it a squeeze.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Scotty and I arrived at my home, he was true to his word and walked me to the door and followed me inside. As I predicted Janice was waiting for me in the living room. I could tell that she wanted to talk to me.

Scotty looked over at Mom, “Mrs. Tanner, would you mind if I stayed for a few minutes and talked to you about what Jessica told me?”

“Alright Scotty, please have a seat”, Janice said

Scotty took a seat on the couch next to me then turned to my Mom, “First off, I want to say that I have a lot of respect for you daughter. It wasn’t easy for her to tell me the truth, but I’m happy that she did. I like Jessica a lot and I understand how important it is that we keep the truth a secret. I give you my word that I will not tell a soul, not even my parents and believe me when I say this, she is safe with me! I know who she used to be, but even then I never saw her as a boy, to me she was always a girl, maybe a troubled one, but a girl all the same. I know the truth, and I still want to continue seeing her.

Janice looked at the young man in front of her, she could tell that he was being honest with her, and that he truly cared for Jessica. This bothered her, because Jessica was still very fragile. Here, though, was a young man that was truly interested in her daughter, one who knew the whole truth and still wanted to date Jessica.

She knew that eventually Jessica would start dating boys, but she wasn’t counting on it being so soon. There was so much that she needed to teach her about being a woman, and dating boys was a big part of that. How could she tell Jessica that most of the time, boys her age tended to think with their little head, and not the one on their shoulders, when sitting on the couch beside her was a young man that went against that very argument?

She looked at Scotty,” I can tell that you are telling me the truth. I still don’t think it’s a good idea for Jessica to be dating anyone, but if she really wants to go out with you then I’m not going to stand in her way. I just ask that you remember that if people find out about who she was, then her life could be a living hell.” Janice said frowning.

“Whatever happens between Jessica and me, Mrs. Tanner, you can trust that I will protect her.” Scotty promised, as he reached over and took my hand.

“I believe you, Scotty and I’m putting a lot of faith in you.   Please don’t let me down.” Janice said

 

[-][+][-]

 

After the three of us finished our talk, I walked Scotty outside. He smiled.

  “I guess everything’s going to be alright, now. “

“Yeah, thanks to you Scotty.” I said with a big smile.

“I should get going Jessica; I have a test that I need to study up on for tomorrow. If you are not doing anything tomorrow, why don’t you come to the game? I would love to have you there.” I smiled, “I hate football, Scotty, but I will be there for you.”

“I guess that I will see you then!” He said, looking into my eyes. He didn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave, “I had a great time tonight, Jessica.”

“I did too, Scotty.” I said, wishing he would just hurry up and kiss me already!

It didn’t take him very long. When we looked into each others eyes, he finally made his move. When his lips touched mine, it was instant sparks and it wasn’t long before he was holding me is his arm. The kiss seemed to go on forever and I even went weak in the knees. When it finally ended, I found myself short of breath, with my heart beating in overdrive. If there had been a mirror in front of me, I was sure I must have been a real sight to the eyes.

 

[-][+][-]

 

I was kind of sad, seeing him go. I knew I’d see him again tomorrow, but that was a small consolation. As I walked in the door, I saw Mom and Megan, running from the window over to the couch. They’d been watching the little show Scotty and I had been putting on. I didn’t really care one bit, as I flopped down on the couch next to Mom. I looked over at Megan and Mommy, “What an AWESOME night!”

 
 

End of Part 19

To be continued in part 20

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: Jessica’s first date turned out to be a success, and she found in Scotty someone that she could confide in. Although she was afraid the truth would have driven him away, she choose to be honest, and in the end he understood and still wanted to see her. Janice was not happy that Jessica had chosen to tell Scotty the truth, mostly out of fear. After talking with Scotty, though, she realized that he was truly interested in Jessica, and keeping the two of them apart would have been a mistake.

Chapter 43

 

Shortly after arriving home from my date with Scotty, I found myself pretty much lost in my own little dream world. Tonight had been my first kiss and it was like nothing I had dreamt it would be. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. It was as though electricity was running through me, it made my heart kick into over drive and when it was finally over, I could barely stand because it had taken my breath away.  

 

“Come on, Sis,” Megan cried, “I want details!”

 

She grabbed me by the hand and dragging me up stairs to her bedroom. I took a seat on her bed and looked over at her.

 

“What do you want to know?”

 

“Everything, Jessica.” Megan said with a big smile.

 

I told Megan everything that had happened, including meeting up with Brian, Cliff, Britney and Natasha. She was a little surprised that I told Scotty the truth and like mom she was worried, but she knew Scotty well enough that if he gave his word on something,   he could be trusted. She was glad that I had become friends with Britney and Natasha.

 

“So what do you think about their offer to make you a stand in?” asked Megan.

 

“I’m glad that they offered, but I’m not sure if it’s for me. Scotty thinks I should at least give it a try, though.”

 

“Scotty’s right, Jessica. It may turn out to be something you really like. Besides, you already know four members, it’s not like you would be starting alone.” Megan said

 

I thought about what Megan said. It might be fun, especially going on the road trips and hanging out after the games. Maybe the problem was that I was such a loner for so many years that I just couldn’t picture myself being a cheerleader. Especially when you consider that one of the requirements was that you had to do the routines in front of a stadium full of people that were watching your every move. I guess there was a big part of me that still feared change.

 

“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you Jessica?” Megan asked.

 

I looked over at Megan, “Most of my life I’ve been a loner. I spent most of my time hiding from everyone and everything, that’s part of the reason I’ve survived as long as I have. Things are different now and I am different, but some things will take time. I still have that voice inside me, telling me that I’m not good enough, if I do this, people will find out the truth. I’m terrified of losing everything and having to go back to what my life was like before.

 

Megan put her arm around me. “I know that you’re scared Jessica, but try to look at what you stand to lose if you walk away from this opportunity. The only way you are going to move forward and become the person that you want to be is by taking risks. Just like you did tonight with Scotty. If you ask me, you took a huge risk telling him the truth, but you did it and it worked out fine. Who knows, you may have gained a boyfriend because of it.” Megan said with a big smile.

 

What Megan said was true. I was scared, but telling Scotty the truth had been the best thing that I could have done. If things had fallen apart, it would have been worse for him to find out the truth from someone else. I really didn’t want that to happen and being honest with him had worked out for the best.

 

“Well Megan, I think I’m going to call it a night, it has been a long day and I really need the rest, besides, you have school in the morning. Goodnight, Megan, and thanks for helping me get ready for my date.

 

“That’s what sisters are for Jessica! I’ll see you in the morning.” Megan said as she gave me a hug. “I’m really happy for you Sis, Scotty’s a good catch.”

 

“Yeah, he is, but I’m still waiting to wake up and find out this is all a dream.” I said with a smile.

 

 

It really didn’t take me very long before I was asleep, I guess that I was very tired and as soon as I changed into my nightgown and hit my pillow, I was asleep. I dreamt of being with Scotty.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

Chapter 46

 

 

It was 8am when Sarah pulled herself out of bed. She had been awakened when one of the hospital staff came into her room carrying a breakfast tray. Since the day that she’d been admitted to the hospital, Dr. Robbins had put her on antidepressants. They did seem to help, but had an unfortunate side affect of making her sleepy most of the time. Sarah really couldn’t complain though, they seemed to be working and her daily talks to Dr. Robbins also seemed to help.   There was one area of her life that was really bothering her.

 

One thing about being in the hospital, especially a psychiatric ward, is that you have plenty of time for self reflection. Sarah was no different than anyone else. She carried a lot of baggage from her childhood, marriage and most importantly, being a mother. That’s the part of her life that bothered her the most. Being away from her husband and the stress of that relationship, she was finally able to see things as they really were. She only wished that this realization had come earlier. She had to take responsibility for her own actions, realizing that not everything that happened to her child had been Jake’s fault. She had also played a part in it. Sarah could see that now, but the question was, what could she do to make amends.

 

She wanted desperately to tell Andrew how sorry she was for everything that she had done. How can you make amends for a lifetime of pain and neglect? At first, it had been easier to blame Andrew for everything that had happened. It was easier then accepting the truth, that she had been responsible for much of it. How many times had she cried out to her own mother, begging her for protection from the emotional and sexual abuse, but her pleas for help went unanswered? How could a mother allow their child to be hurt like this and do nothing to stop it?  

 

Growing up, Sarah used to say that when she was a mother,   she would be everything that her own mother wasn’t and truly believed every word she said. Looking back over the years though, somehow she turned out just like her Mother, if not worse, if that was even possible. Sarah had become the person that she hated most, she still blamed her father for what he had done, but her Mother could have taken her away from her father. She had refused to believe that anything was wrong.

 

Dr. Robbins felt that attending a support group the hospital held on Monday afternoons would be a good place for her, and she was due to attend her first meeting later in the afternoon. A part of her was afraid to go. She really didn’t want to talk about her problems, other than with Dr. Robbins. He insisted that he could not always be around when she needed to talk, and that she needed to know other woman that had been through similar things. She could see the logic in what he said, but it still scared her.

 

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

  I woke up at 9am. I’d slept well although my dreams had been disturbing. I dreamt that I was at a football game watching Scotty. I was with Megan and Jennifer, standing on the sidelines wearing this skimpy little cheerleading uniform, cheering along with everyone and having a great time. Then I heard a familiar voice coming from the bleachers, and there was my father. He was screaming at me, telling everyone that I was his faggot son, and not really a girl.

 

I remembered screaming back at him to leave me alone, that I really was a girl. Then from out of nowhere, Steven and Dennis, the dreaded bullies that had been after me for years were holding me down, and before I knew what was happening, they had exposed me to everyone! As I screamed for help, I saw that the dreaded worm was back and I was no longer a girl, just a boy dressed as one.   Everyone was laughing, and when I looked over to Scotty for help he just turned his back and walked away.

 

It really bothered me. At first the dreams had been wonderful, and I had everything that I ever wanted, then everything changed into a nightmare. When I woke up I was pretty upset and I even checked, but sure enough the worm was still gone, thank God. It took me a little while before I pulled myself together. I made my way into the bathroom and ran a hot shower, which seemed to help calm my nerves some. After drying off I changed into just a tee-shirt and a pair of jeans. They were a little uncomfortable at first, but once I moved around a bit, they really weren’t that bad.

 

I grabbed my makeup bag and used the mirror in the bathroom to do my makeup. I really had no plans ‘til later in the day, so I just went light with some lipstick, blush and mascara. When I was satisfied with the results, I put everything back in my makeup bag and placed it back in my room, then made my way over to the kitchen. I found Mommy sitting at the table having her first coffee of the day, I guess that Megan had all ready left for school; otherwise she would have been in the kitchen, having breakfast. Mom looked up at me as I entered the kitchen.

 

“Good morning, Sweetheart,” she said with a warm smile.

 

“Good morning, Mommy.” I grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and filled it with cereal and joined her at the table.

 

“How did you sleep, honey?” asked Mom.

 

“Good at first, then everything went straight to hell,” I said as I poured some milk into my bowl of cereal.

 

“Do you want to talk about it, honey?” She asked.

 

I gave a quick recap of my nights dreams, and how I felt after waking up. Mom just listened until I was finished before saying a word. She turned to me.

 

“I think you are just worried honey. There’ve been many changes recently and with everything that is going on with your birth parents, it’s understandable that you are afraid they are going to somehow mess things up. I think once you go to court and able to confront them, these nightmares will stop.”   Mom said

 

“I guess you’re right, I just wish it was over with.”

 

“Be patient, honey. It will happen. Do you have anything planned for today, Jessica?”

 

“Not really, other then going to the football game after school is out. When is Dad supposed to be coming home, I kind of miss him.”

 

“He called last night, honey, things are taking longer then he expected. It looks like it will be another couple of days before he is home, but the good news is that he has nothing planned for the next couple of weeks. We should be seeing much more of him,” she said happily.

 

“That’s good to hear, I was hoping we could practice for the festival this week.”

 

“I’m sure that once he’s home, the two of you will have plenty of time to practice!”   Mom said with a big smile. “I have a few errands to run this morning, honey, you’re welcome to join me, if you don’t want to just sit around the house.”

 

“Where are you going?” I asked

 

“I have to make a trip to see our lawyer, Bill. He called last night; your name change has gone through, so you’re officially Jessica Dawn Roberts, and he has your new birth certificate that is under your new name and sex.”

 

“Why am I listed as Roberts, and not under Tanner?” I asked Mom

 

“Bill’s still working on the adoption, honey.   When that goes through, we’ll have the last name changed to Tanner.”

 

“How long will it take for the adoption?”

 

“The courts have already signed over full custody, honey, so I’m hoping that the adoption won’t take too long. It’s up to the courts, and they tend to have there own schedule.” Mom said, frowning.

 

  

[-][+][-]

 

 

After I finished breakfast, I did up the dishes, and then we headed into town. The drive took us about a half hour before we arrived at Bill’s office. Mom and I made our way inside and were met by Elaine, Bill’s secretary. She asked us to have a seat and she would let Bill know that Mom and I had arrived. We waited for a few minutes, and then Bill came out of his office and told us to come inside.

 

Once we took a seat, Bill looked over at me and smiled. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Jessica.”

 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Jonah.” I said with a smile.

 

“Please, call me Bill, Jessica. I have been friends with the Janice and Anthony for years, so there’s no need to be formal, we’re all friends here.”

 

I smiled “Alright, Bill.”

 

He turned to Janice. “All the paperwork for Jessica’s adoption is pretty much done and ready to be sent out to the courts. I just need you to sign the forms and I will have Elaine fax them to child services.” He reached over and picked up a folder that was lying on his desk, and then handed it to me.

 

When I opened the envelope, inside was a new birth certificate and social insurance number. He smiled at me; you are now legally Jessica Dawn Roberts, well, for now anyway. Once the adoption goes through, we’ll arrange to have your last name changed to Tanner. It took a little work but all your school records have been changed to reflect your new identity.

 

I smiled as I looked at my new identifications cards, “Thank you so much, Bill! This means so much to me.”

 

“It’s not a problem, I was happy to help.” Bill said with a smile.

 

Mom and I stayed for another 20 minutes after finishing signing all the papers and talked. I could see why they were such good friends. Bill had a way about him that just seemed to draw people out of their shell.

 

It wasn’t long before Mom and I had to say our goodbyes, she still had some errands to run before heading back home.

 

“Feel like making a stop at Starbucks, honey?” asked Mom.

 

“Sure, I could use something to drink,” I said as I looked at my new id cards.” Guess I’ll need to get my beginners again, if I want to be able to drive.”

 

“You have plenty of time for that Jessica, but you’re right, it wouldn’t be good if you were stopped using your old driver’s license. “

 

 

Chapter 47

 

 

Mom and I were sitting at Starbucks having a coffee when her cell phone started ringing. She reached into her purse, took it out, and hit the answer button.

 

“Hello?”

 

“This is Dr. Humphrey’s office, calling for Janice Tanner.”

 

“This is Janice, how can I help you?”

 

“We had a referral come in from Dr. Masters for Jessica Roberts. I’m calling to setup an appointment for Jessica.”

 

“Alright, sure just give me a second, so I can write this down.” Mom pulled her agenda out of her purse. “Alright go ahead.”

 

“There was a cancellation for today at 11am, if you could make it then I could squeeze Jessica in, otherwise the soonest we can get her in is in 3 weeks time.”

 

“Jessica, there’s a cancellation for 11 this morning at Dr. Humphrey’s office. I have an appointment, but I could drop you off first. Would that be all right with you? Otherwise it will take 3 weeks for you to get back in to see the doctor.”

 

“It’s alright, Mom. Just drop me off. I can always get a cab home when I’m done.”

 

Mom went back to the phone. “Alright, I will drop Jessica off for 11 am.”

 

“I guess we have an hour before the appointment.” I said, and took a drink of my coffee.

 

“Yeah honey, but it will take us about a half hour for us to get to the hospital from here. I think that we should get going.” She said, looking at her watch.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

 

Mom was right, it took us a half hour to make the drive to Dr. Humphrey’s office, and as she was pulling into the parking lot, it looked full.

 

“Sorry honey but there doesn’t seem much in the way of parking, are you going to be all right going in on your own?

 

“Sure Mom, I’m a big girl now, I think that I can handle it.”

 

Mom reached into her purse then took out twenty-five dollars. “This should be enough to cover a cab and also give you a few bucks to grab a bite to eat, I will see you at home honey.”

 

She leaned over and gave me a hug and kiss.

[-][+][-]

 

 

I still had sometime to kill, so I decided to hit the hospital cafeteria and grab a quick bite to eat, so I made my way over to the elevator. I pressed the third floor button, and the elevator made its way too the third floor.   I wondered if Amy was working today, I had been meaning to give her a call but so much had been happening. I just never seemed to get around to it. I decided that I would give her a call after my appointment and see if she had any plans for the weekend. It would be nice to maybe get together and take in a movie or just hangout.

 

After arriving at the cafeteria, I looked at the menu, decided on something light, and ordered the chicken salad sandwich, fries and a coke. After paying the cashier, I made my way over to one of the open tables and took a seat. I was not really looking forward to talking to anyone about my past. All I really wanted to do was move on and put the past behind me. The only problem was, what had happened in the past did have an effect on me, even though I was not letting it get to me. I was still having the nightmares because of the way my birth parents treated me. I hoped that pressing charges against them would help end this, but that wasn’t going to be enough. I knew the only way to find closure would be to confront my birth parents.

 

After finishing my dinner, I took my phone from my purse and sent Amy a text message.

 

“Amy, hope U R doing well, I’m fine just 8 then seeing doctor. Wood like to C U maybe get together on wknd and do sumthng if U R free.   Will call U L8r, Love   sis”

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

 

It took me a little while before I found Dr. Humphreys office, but once I saw the receptionist and walked over to her desk, “Hi I’m Jessica, I have an appointment to see Dr. Humphrey at 11 am.”

 

“Hi Jessica, I’m Elaine, it’s nice to meet you. All I need is your health card and I have some papers for you to fill out.” Elaine said with a smile.

 

“There might be a problem with that.” I said, reaching into my purse, pulling it out and handing it to Elaine.

Elaine took the card, then looked at it and shook her head in disbelief. “I’ve seen transgendered patients before, but never in a million years would have thought that you were one of them, you carry yourself really well.”

 

I smiled. “I’m not transgendered, Elaine, although I thought that I was for a few years.   The truth is that I have a medical condition that caused doctors to believe that I was male. I always knew that I was a girl deep down, but until recently there was no way of proving it.”

 

“What happened, if you don’t mine me asking?”   Elaine said with a frown.

 

“I’d been getting terrible cramps that turned out to be my period, and because I was born deformed, there was nowhere for it to go. I ended up in the hospital, and after they sent me for the ultrasound they were able to see that I was really a girl.”

 

“Sounds like you’ve been through an awful lot Jessica. Knowing you were a girl and having to live all those years as a boy must have been hell for you.” Elaine said sympathetically

 

“It wasn’t easy but things are much better now.” I said smiling

 

“I’m happy for you Jessica.   I better get you to fill out the questionnaire while I figure out how to charge Medicare for your visit, considering Andrew Roberts no longer exists.” Elaine said handing me a clipboard and a pen.

 

After taking a seat I looked over the questionnaire, it asked an awful lot of questions, and it would take a little while to complete. I started on the first question.

 

[-][+][-]

 
 

Have you felt sad or irritable for at least two weeks?

1. Yes
2. No
 

Have you lost interest in activity’s you once enjoyed?

1. Yes
2. No
 
Have you had significant change in appetite or body weight?

1. Yes
2. No
 

Have you had difficulty sleeping or oversleeping?

1. Yes
2. No
 

Have you had a loss of energy?

1. Yes
2. No
 

Have you feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt?

1. Yes
2. No
 

Have you had difficulty concentrating?

1. Yes
2. No
 

Have you had recurrent thoughts of death or suicide?

1. Yes
2. No

 
 

Have there ever been any physical confrontations or threats between you and your parents,
If so, what happened?
 

• My father and I have never really got along and usually there is a lot of name calling and sometime He would give me beatings.

 

Do you ever feel afraid of a family member? Tell me about the time you felt most afraid.
 

• My father scares me the most, because he is the one that hands out the punishments.
• Mom does not usually get involved unless things get out of control between dad and me.

 

Has anyone ever caused you to feel threatened or harassed by following you?
Interfering with your work or education, making repeated phone calls to you, sending
You many unwanted letters, emails, faxes or gifts? If so, what happened?

• Yes my father

 

Has there ever been an order that was meant to limit contact between the two of you,
for example, a PPO, a no-contact order as a condition of bail, or other such order?
 

• There is a restraining order against both of my parents, were in the process of going to
• court.

 

Are you afraid that someone will harm you?

 

• Yes my father

 

Do you think you will be able to speak up for yourself?
 

• I really do not know, with mom it will be easier, but I tried to standing up to my father in the past and whenever I did it usually ended up with me getting a beating.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 
 

After I finished the questionnaire, I handed it back to Elaine, then returned to my seat and waited. I really didn’t have to wait very long before a middle aged woman came out of her office.

 

  “Jessica Roberts?” She said with a smile.

 

“Hi, I’m Jessica,” I said with a smile.

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Jessica, you can call me Beth.   Let’s go into my office and the two of us can get to know one another.”

 

Beth and I made our way into her office. Once the two of us took a seat, Beth smiled.

 

“Tell me what brings you here. Jessica?”

 

“I really don’t know where to begin, to be honest. I just wish that I could put the past behind me, I’ve tried but it’s not that easy. There always seems to be something that   comes up, and it’s like I am reliving what happened all over again. The dreams have been the worst though.”

 

“Tell me about your dreams,” Beth said

 

“They’re always different, but pretty much end the same way, with my father showing up and then everything goes to hell.”

 

“I looked at the questionnaire you filled out Jessica, and with what you’ve been through, you can’t expect to just walk away and forget what happened. It will always be a part of your life. If you work at it though, you can learn to live with what happened and become a stronger person because of what happened.”

 

“It’s hard, though. There are times that I feel like he is watching me and just waiting to strike.   I just wish that he could have just accepted me for who I was, but instead he made my life a living hell.”

 

“Why do you think he was pushing you so hard, Jessica?”

 

“Dad wanted the perfect son, someone that was just like him and he wasn’t willing to take no for an answer. I think that he thought that if he pushed me hard enough, I would cooperate with his plans for me. When I didn’t live up to his exceptions, he would get mad and say that I was useless and that I’d never amount to anything. The sad part was, I did try to be the son that he wanted to be. I loved my Dad, and God help me, I still love him!   I just wished that he could have loved me, but to him I was a complete disappointment.”

 

Beth handed me some tissue, I couldn’t help but cry as I told her about my life. The more I talked about it. The more I found myself reliving the pain that I’d buried. I’d hoped that I could just leave it in the past but the truth was all that pain and suffering was just waiting for a chance to break free.

 

Andrew and I were the same person and just because I changed my name didn’t mean that I could walk away from who I really was. All that I had experienced was a part of me now and it always would be. Somehow, I had to learn to come to terms with it.

 

After I calmed down some, Beth asked me, “What was your relationship like with your mother like Jessica?”

 

“Mom and I were not very close, as much as I wished we were, but I really didn’t know anything was missing ‘til I moved in with the Tanner’s. When they decided to adopt me, it was the second happiest day of my life.”

 

“What was the happiest day of your life?” She asked.

 

“The happiest day of my life was when Dr. Masters told me that I had been a girl all along. I always knew deep down that I was, but hearing it said aloud validated that what I had known was true. I knew there was no possible way that I could have ever lived up to my father’s expectations. I was never a boy, so how could I ever really understand what it meant to be one?”

 

“Let’s get back to your relationship with your mother, Jessica”

 

“Like I was saying, Beth, when I first moved in with the Tanner’s, it was a bit of a shock for me. I didn’t know how a real family was suppose to act with one another, but one of the first things that I noticed was how close Megan was with Janice and Anthony and how they treated her.

 

At first I was jealous of the love they seemed to share with one another, I never had that kind of relationship with my own parents and wished more then anything that I had parents like Janice and Anthony. Over time they opened their hearts to me and accepted me as there daughter, and for the first time in my life I felt what it was like to really be loved and accepted for who I was. They didn’t care whether I was male or female, they just loved me unconditionally, without expecting anything in return.” I couldn’t help it, I found myself overrun by emotion and broke down crying.

 

It took me a little while to pull myself together, but eventually I did. I turned to Beth, and apologized. “Sorry, I’m not usually this emotional.”

 

“Don’t be sorry honey, everyone cries when they’re in pain. Holding it inside is the worst thing you can do.” Beth said sympathetically

 

“I do think that you’ve had enough for today Jessica, but I think it would do you some good to join a group that deals in emotional and physical abuse.   There is one here in the hospital that meets on Mondays.   I think being around other people that have been through what you have can help you. Would you be interested in attending?” Beth said with a smile

 

“I guess so, but I don’t think that I’m really able to talk about what happened in front of everyone, Beth.”

 

“You don’t have to talk, just listen to what they have to say. I think you’ll find it helpful and maybe make a few friends that understand what you are going through.” Beth suggested.

 

“Alright, I’ll go, Beth.” I promised, feeling very nervous.

 

“I’ll give them a call and let them know that you’re coming. The meeting is at 2pm, can you make it?” asked Beth

 

“Yes I have no plans, I’ll be there.”

 

“Alright Jessica, I want to see you once a week for now, but if anything comes up in between, you can always call and I will try to squeeze you in.” She said with a smile.

 

“Thanks Beth, I feel like crap, but I know it helps being able to talk about it.”

 

“Be patient, honey, it will get better. You’ve been through quiet a bit and it’s the emotional scars that take the longest to heal.”

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

 

Chapter 48

 

 

After making an appointment for next week, I spent almost 10 minutes in the bathroom. I looked like a bloody raccoon, my mascara had been running like crazy and using the tissue only managed to spread it out.

 

“Reminder to self, buy waterproof next time.” After cleaning up, I redid my makeup. I then made my way outside the hospital, and took a walk. I needed to clear my mind some. It had been a rough session with Beth, but I really did believe that seeing her was important.

 

I made my way over to Starbucks and ordered a coffee, then found a quiet place to sit and tried not to think about my session with Beth. The last thing I needed to do was breakdown crying again. I took my phone out of my purse and notice there were two messages, one from Amy, which was a response to the one I sent her earlier saying she would love to get together on the weekend and the other one was from Scotty. I smiled as I read that one.

 

Sttng in histry bored 2 Deth rather be thnkng of future wth U, miss U hope 2 C U @   game

 

Reading his text brought a smile to my face and I sent a reply.

 

U R rlly sweet   ben hvng   ruff dA, Cing UR txt makes big smile.   I miss U more. will take   cab aftr mting, but need U to take me home

 

  I hit the send button, and a few minutes later I got a response back from Scotty.

 

No prob, but mting guys @ Gllgr’s ftr game

 

I sent a replay back

 

Fine w me, room 4 Megan / Jennifer ?

 

I said hitting the send button.

 

A few minutes later I got another message from him,

 

Ys hon lots . Got 2 go f Tch C txt   will take phone, C U @ game

 

I sent a quick reply.

 

C U

 

 

I thought for a minute what it would be like to put a cell phone in a time capsule, so the people in the future could read the texts, and see what was the caused the total destruction of the writing language.  

 

I looked at the time it was already 1:45pm, so I had to get going, as it was I would likely just make it back in time.   I placed my phone back into my purse and picked up my coffee, then walked back to the hospital.

 

The walk took me a little longer then I had expected and I arrived 5 minutes late. It was all women, which made me feel a little better and we were sitting in a circle. There were a few chairs still empty, in case there were more people to come.   Everyone seemed friendly and welcomed me. Once the meeting started, everyone went around the circle introducing them self and when my turn came I said Hi and told them my name. After the introductions were finished, the meeting started.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

 

As the first woman started, she talked about being in an abusive relationship where her husband was a heavy drinker and would take his anger out on her when he came home and things didn’t go the way he wanted. I was really starting to get into what she was saying and there was a part of me that understood because I knew what it was like, it had also happened to me.  

 

It was at that point though that my concentration was broking. Three women had entered the room. The third one bothered me the most. It was my mother.  

 

The two of us locked eyes on one another, mom looked shocked to see me but I felt nothing but anger toward her. I looked over at the one that had been talking and said sorry, “I liked what you said but I can’t stay, not if that bitch is going to be here.”, I said coldly.

 

Mom looked shaking by the hatred that I had for her. The woman that had been running the meeting stood up; maybe you should go Jessica if you are going to talk like that, she has every right to be here. I looked at the woman, was angry, and totally lost it.  

 

“That woman is my mother, and the reason I was abused, and that bitch did nothing, she just let it happen and you are telling me to leave.” I said clenching my fists in anger. Everyone was staring at Mom and I, not really knowing what to say, I really do not think that they ever had anything like this happen before. Nevertheless, the woman that was running the meeting still had to have some kind of order in the room. It was Mom that spoke next, what she said surprised the hell out of me. I thought she was going to out me but she didn’t.

 

Mom looked at me and took a deep breath, “Let her speak, everything she saying is true, I let it all happened. I married a monster, he was very abusive towards her, and I should have stopped him, and taken her out of the home. I know it doesn’t change anything, but I am sorry and if I could honey I would take back everything that I did to you.

 

“It’s way too late for that Mom, but I would like to know how you could let dad hurt me like he did.” I said frowning, and took a seat before falling. I was emotionally exhausted.

 

Mom looked over at the woman running the meeting, “Is it alright if I speak, she will never forgive me but she deserves to know the truth.”

 

The woman nodded, I think mostly because she wanted to know the truth herself.

 

Mom looked over at me, “I didn’t expect to have to talk this soon, but I’ve been sick for along time. Your grandfather abused me, he used to come into my room at night, he did bad things to me, and like your father, he was a heavy drinker. He hurt me bad and I never recovered.

 

This went on for years and I had no one to turn to. I was always afraid. He used to tell me that if I told anyone, no one would believe me. I tried talking to your grandmother about what was happening, but she was no help. She didn’t believe me and I had no one then. not even your aunt Janet. She ran away because your grandfather abused her also.   The only difference between your aunt and me is she got help and I buried what happened in the past and pretended it never happened.   I used to say I would never be like my parents and I would protect my kids but somehow along the way I turned into your grandmother.” Mom said crying. “…God, I am so sorry baby.”

 

I sat there, shocked at what Mom said. It didn’t make what she did right, but I could understand for the first time why my mom was so screwed up. She was just as much a victim as I was.   I wondered for years why I had never seen my grandparents, and I knew the reason why now. My grand parents were monsters just like my father. I looked over at Mom, there was this part of me that felt sorry for her and what she had been through. It couldn’t have been easy for her. I could see now that she was in just as much pain as I was.

 

I looked over at Mom, “I am sorry for what granddad did to you, but it doesn’t make what you did right. You choose to marry dad, you knew he was abusive and it was your responsibility to protect me. I might be able to forgive you someday for what happened but I can never forget, I will have to carry those scars for the rest of my life just like you have to carry yours, Mom.”

 

Mom looked at me. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, not after everything that has happened, but I want you to understand something, your secret is safe. I am done with your father; he will never know that I’ve seen you. Just promise me one thing, have a happy life, and continue getting help, don’t follow my example. Holding everything inside will only destroy you and hurt everyone you love.”

 

I looked over at Mom.

 

“I promise.” I said as I wiped the tears from my eyes. I stayed for the rest of the meeting and listened but had a hard time concentrating. After the meeting was over, Mom came over to me and asked if she could talk to me alone before I left.

 

I nodded and the two of us went to the back of the room were we could talk alone. Mom looked at me. “I saw you outside, the day that I was admitted. You were outside sitting with a friend. When I saw you of course, you looked different but you were happy, that was the first time that I saw the real you.   I saw a beautiful young woman, not the son that I thought that I had.”

 

I looked over at her. “My name is Jessica now, and I was always a girl. Mom, do you remember me complaining about those nasty cramps that I was having? They weren’t cramps, Mom, they were the start of my periods.

 

When you saw me outside that day, it was because I was brought into emergency and when the doctors did the x-rays, they found out I had a rare medical condition that made me look like a boy.   That was why I could never please Dad. I was a girl all along, it was impossible to be what he wanted me to be.”

 

Mom looked at me, amazed.“I should have listened to you.”

 

I turned to Mom. “There were so many things you should have done Mom, but I am too emotionally drained right now to fight anymore.”

 

“I am too, Jessica. As soon as I get back to my room, I think that I will end up sleeping the rest of the day.” Mom said

 

“What are you doing here anyway?” I asked.

 

“I was going completely crazy, Jessica. I went to stay with your Aunt Janet, and ended up cutting myself. She dragged me here, she thought I was suicidal.”

 

“Were you really thinking of killing yourself”, I asked

 

Mom turned to me, crying. “Yes, I was completely lost and your suicide attempt was the start of it. At first, I blamed you for what happened, because the police were involved and your father and I were going to end up in jail. Then he left and I haven’t seen or heard a word from him since he left. I think you need to be careful Jessica; your father is planning something. He’s crazy and he won’t listen to the truth. I’m willing to accept going to jail for what I did, Jessica, but he’s not.

 

“Thanks Mom, I will talk to the police, but I better get going, I have to meet my boyfriend later. I am not making any promises but if you continue to get help then maybe we can have a relationship, but just so you know, I‘m being adopted by a family that loves and accepts me.”

 

Mom looked over at me. “If this is what you want, then I’m happy for you Jessica, but you should know one thing. I’ve always loved you, even though I never really showed it. I was just too caught up in my own pain to really express how I truly felted inside.”

 

“I love you too, Mom, I always have, even with everything that has happened”, I said, then reached out and I gave her a hug. “Take care, Mom, get better.”

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 21

By, Cain129

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: Jessica had her first visit to see Dr. Beth Humphrey. It had been an emotional session, but that was only the beginning. Following her doctor’s advice, Jessica agreed to attend a support group for abused woman. To her complete surprise, she discovered that her mother was attending the same meeting. This had been the first time that Jessica had seen her since the suicide attempt. The meeting had turned out to be very emotional for both Jessica and her mother, Sarah. In the end, they both developed a new found understanding of what they had gone through. Still, only time would tell if Jessica and her birth mother would reconcile.

 
 

Chapter 49

 

It had been a hard day for me, and to be honest I was not in any mood to attend the game. I was just emotionally exhausted and all I wanted to do was just go home, go to bed and sleep the rest of the day away. I looked at my watch and decided to send Scotty a text. I just hoped he would understand.

“Hi Hun, can’t m8k the game. Call U L8R” I then hit the send button and placed my phone back in my purse.

I made my way downstairs to the hospital entrance and used the phone to call a taxi. It took about ten minutes but I was soon on my way home.

After arrive home I paid the taxi fare and headed inside, There was no sign of mom, so I had the place to myself, at least until everyone else came home. I headed off to bed and before I knew it, I passed out.

[-][+][-]

Jessica was not the only one physically exhausted. Sarah Roberts was experiencing the exact same symptoms. Like her daughter, she had expected the session to be easier, but these were not normal conditions. Sarah understood the reasons why her daughter had so much anger towards her. Everything that Jessica had said was true.

It did help to tell Jessica the truth. She hoped that in time she would be able to have a relationship with her daughter, if not as a mother, then as a friend. At the moment, even that seemed to be a long shot.

Sarah was also a bit worried about Jessica, she knew that she was in real danger. Jake would stop at nothing once he made his mind up, that was just the way he was. Eventually he would make his move. There was nothing more that Sarah could do for Jessica. Sarah doubted that Jake would listen anyway.

There may have been a time when he would have, but she felt he had completely surrendered to the insanity.

If Jake contacted her, maybe she’d have a chance to help, but he didn’t even know where she was. The odds of Jake contacting her were very slim, and if he did contact her, she would immediately contact the police.

There was only one thing on Sarah’s mind now. She was exhausted, and found herself slowly drifting as she climbed into her bed. Finally, she fell asleep after what had been one of the hardest days in her life.

[-][+][-]

Jake Roberts was not a happy man, and was ready to take matters into his own hands. Even after accepting Vincent’s help he was no closer to finding his son, and having to deal with Rocco everyday was seriously becoming a pain in his backside. It couldn’t be that hard to find his stupid son! It’s not like Andrew was a secret agent or something. He was just a kid; surely, they should have found him by now. Jake decided that he’d had enough of the bullshit. He grabbed his jacket, and headed outside to his car. He wanted answers and was going to find Vincent and get some answers.

[-][+][-]

The drive to Vincent’s home was a long one from the cabin and took Jake almost an hour but eventually, he was pulling into the driveway that lead to Vincent’s private estate part way down Jake came to the guard post and met at the gate by one of the goons that worked for Vincent.  

“I am Jake Roberts and I want to take to Vincent.” Jake said impatiently.

“Is he expecting you?” asked the guard

“No, just get on the phone and tell him I’m here.” Jake said in anger

The guard walked over to the phone and called the main house, “I have a Jake Roberts here to see you, should I let him though?”

“Yeah, send him though.” Vincent said ending the call

The guard hit the button that opened the gate and turned towards Jake. “Go on through, Vincent will see you.”

Jake never said another word to the guard, he just drove through and parked his car. He made his way to the front door of Vincent’s home and was met by Vincent’s butler who showed him to Vincent’s study.

“What can I do for you Jake?” Vincent said

“I want answers, Vincent, we had a deal and I have lived up to my part of the deal but I still don’t have my son.” Jake said shaking his fist

Vincent looked at Jake, “I suggest you calm down Jake, I am not someone that you can push around, and most people who have tried are no longer alive.” Vincent said calmly

“Rocco is working on finding your son, and believe me he will find him and when he does you will be the first to know.”

Jake looked at Vincent, “I’m not sure that Rocco wants to find my son.”

“That doesn’t matter; Rocco’s family and he’ll do what I tell him.” Vincent said

“If you are so worried, I’ll assign someone else to find him. I’m telling you though that Rocco is the best when it comes to tracking down people.” Vincent said, trying to keep the peace.

“I think that would be best, Vincent. I know he’s your family, but this is something he doesn’t want to do and because of that, I really don’t think he is going to do as good a job.” Jake said calmly.

“Alright Jake, next time call. The last thing you need right now is to be seen by the police. It would just complicate things for both of us.” Vincent said calmly

After Jake left, Vincent picked up the phone and dialed a number. “Adrian, I have a job for you. I need you to find someone for me, his name is Andrew Roberts, he’s 16 years old and he seems to have dropped off the face to the earth. I will fax you all the information I have, do whatever you need to do. I want this kid found fast.”

  [-][+][-]

 

Chapter 50

 

I was fast asleep when I head a knocking at my door, which slowly brought me back to reality.   I pulled myself together and said come in, and when the door opened I saw Mom standing outside.

  “Jessica, are you all right? Megan called saying that something must have happened, because you didn’t go to the game.” Mom looked worried. She came in and took a seat next to me on the bed.

“The whole day went straight to hell, Mom. The appointment with Dr. Humphrey was hard enough, but then she wanted me to go to a support group for abused women. I went, only to find my mother there.” I said sadly.

“What happened”, Mom said worried

“At first I was shocked to see her, and then I was really angry and kind of lost my temper. I was just so angry with her that I called her a bitch and the one that was running the meeting told me that I had to leave and I just lost it completely and told them that she was one of my abusers, the funny thing was, Mom admitted that she did all of it.”

“I asked her how she could just sit there while I was being abused by my father. She told me about her childhood, my grandfather sexually abused her for years. She held it all inside and never went for help, and she gave up.. She is getting help now and I think she really wants to change but I cannot forget what happened. She might have giving birth to me, but she was never really a mother. I never really knew what I was missing until I became part of your family.

“I love my birth mother, but I can never be close to her like I am with you. Someday I might have a relationship with her but as far as I am concerned, you are my mother.”

“We can always ask Dr. Humphrey if there is another group that you can attend Jessica.”

“No Mom, I think that the worst of it is over as far as my mother is concerned. She’s getting help now, and maybe if I’m around, she’ll continue.”

“Are you sure she isn’t going to start trouble Jessica?” Mom said frowning

“I really don’t think, so Mom. I told her that I was being adopted and she seemed to understand and accept that I was moving on.”

“Alright honey, but if she causes you any problems I want to know.” Mom said, looking worried. “Have you had anything to eat, baby?”

“Not since lunch time”, I said yawning. “To be honest, I’m not that hungry.”

“Still Jessica, you should eat something. You’re still recovering from your operation.”

“Alright Mom, give me a few minutes to pull myself together and I’ll join you.”

“Good girl.” She said, reaching over and gave me a hug.

After Mom left, I climbed out of bed and made my way into the bathroom. My eyes still looked bloodshot from all the crying I had done today. I tried rinsing them with cold water, which seemed to help some, but the redness was still there. I guessed that I’d have to wait for them to clear on there own.

I made my way into the kitchen. Mom was sitting at the table peeling potatoes, so I grabbed a knife and joined her. Grabbing a potato, I started peeling too.

“You really don’t have to do that honey, I am doing fine on my own.”

“It’s alright Mommy, I don’t mind.” I said as I continued.

“Will Jennifer be joining us Mom?”

“Yeah, her mother is working the late shift tonight.”

“Does it bother you that she is always eating here?” I asked.

“Not really honey, Caroline gives me so much a week to cover feeding her.”

“That’s good,” I said smiling.

“It hasn’t been easy for Caroline since her husband ran off. She had to go back to work and Jennifer’s father doesn’t want to pay child support.” Mom said sadly.

“He sounds like a real winner.” I said sarcastically.

“I’m afraid there are lots of men just like him out there, honey. The scary part is they all seem perfectly normal until the relationship ends.”

“If they seem so normal, how do you really know if you can trust them, Mom?”

“That’s a good question honey. All I can say is take your time and get to know the guy.”

“Your father and I dated for over a year before the two of us started talking about marriage and it was another year after that before the two of us were married.” Mom said smiling.

“Did the two of you have sex before you were married?”

“Well that’s a little personal. The two of us were pretty intimate, but I wanted to wait ‘til I was married before we had intercourse.”

“It was harder on your father than what it was on me, because I was still a virgin and he was in a band back then and traveled around a lot. He dated quiet a few women before the two of us got together.” Mom said.

I smiled “Dad had groupies?”

“Yes, your father had groupies.” Mom said, giggling, “I was one of them.”

I laughed, finding it hard to believe that Dad was that popular.

“So he must have tried, you know?” I said with a smile.

“Yes, he tried numerous times and I came close to giving in, but I stood my ground.   I’ll let you in on a little secret Jessica, A woman has more power then a man does. Eventually you’ll figure this out on your own, but I’ll save you some time. When a man sees something he wants, he’ll do whatever it takes to get it.”

“Your father was no different than any other man. He saw something he wanted and I made it clear to him from the beginning that I was not going to have sex with anyone until I was married.”

“Being a typical guy, though, he kept coming back looking for something that I wasn’t willing to give him. Because I refused to give into him, the two of us ended up spending a lot of time dating and really got to know one another.”

“When Anthony asked me to marry him, I knew that he really loved me because he could have moved on anytime he chose. It would have hurt, but at least I would have known how he really was.” Mom said with a smile.

I thought about what mom had just said, it made perfect sense I was already beginning to see that kind of behavior in the short time that I had known Scotty.

Scotty and I seemed to have good chemistry and definitely seemed like the kind of guy I wanted to be with, but maybe it was best if the two of us didn’t get too serious, and just spent time getting to know each other like Mom and Dad had done.

“I can tell you are deep in thought Jessica, what are you thinking?” asked Mom.

“Just thinking about Scotty, I’ve wanted to be with him for so long and now I have a chance, but I really don’t want to mess things up with him.” I said frowning

Mom smiled at me, “I know you like him, and even a blind man can see he really likes you. Trust me though, Jessica,   be yourself, but be firm with him. Remember, you are the one taking all the risks if things go too far. He can’t get pregnant, but you can. Believe me, motherhood is a great thing but not at your age.”

I smiled. “The last thing I am thinking about right now is motherhood. I want to experience life before I even think about that.”

“Just don’t be in too much of a hurry, honey. Enjoy being a kid. It all goes by way too fast, then you are my age wondering where the time went.” Mom said with a smile.

It was about that time that I heard Megan and Jennifer coming in the front door, because of the noise the two of them were making as they came inside.

  “Mom?” Megan said from the living room.

“In the kitchen, honey.” Mom replied

A few seconds later Megan came into the kitchen with Jennifer in tow.

“Need any help?” Jennifer said as she took a seat next to me.

“No Jennifer, we’re pretty much finished. How was the game?” I said with a smile

“It was alright, our team won but just barely. Scotty asked me to tell you to give him a call. God, I’ve never seen a guy moping over a girl as much as he does when it comes to you Jessica.” Jennifer said with a smile.

Megan turned to me. “So what happened with you today, Jessica? We were expecting you at the game and you never showed.”

“Let’s just say it was a nasty day, I really wanted to be at the game but I was just way to emotional after seeing Dr. Humphrey. I also had to go to a support group for abused woman, and unfortunately, I ran into my Mom there. I really wasn’t in a very good mood.” I said, frowning.

“What was your mom doing there?” asked Megan.

“I think she had some kind of nervous breakdown, and was hospitalized”

“It couldn’t have been easy for you, being there. If it was me, I would have just left.” Jennifer said, amazed that I stayed.

“I wanted to leave but I was so angry and I wanted answers.”

Megan looked at me. “Did you get the answers that you were looking for Jessica?”

“Yes, but it wasn’t what I had expected. She’s not the monster that I thought she was. I just hope that she can pull her life together, now that she’s getting help.”

“You’re more forgiving then I would be in your place.” Jennifer said frowning.

“I never said that I’ve forgiven her Jennifer, but I understand now why she is so screwed up. It’s easy to place blame when you have none of the facts, but until you walk in the other person’s shoes, you’ll never know what its like to be them. My mom was sexually and mentally abused, and she just buried what happened. She pretended it never happened, and it eventually drove her nearly insane.” I said sadly.

Jennifer shook her head. “I guess you’re right, Jessica, but it doesn’t change how she treated you.”

“No, it doesn’t, but if she truly is trying to change and get better then it’s possible the two of us might be able to find some common ground. It will never really be as mother and daughter.” I said, regretfully.

[-][+][-]

 

Chapter 51

 

After supper, Megan, Jennifer and I did up the dishes.   After we finished, I went back to my room and gave Scotty a call. The phone rang through a few times before I heard him say,” Hello?”

“Hi Scotty, it’s me, sorry about not making the game, I had a really hard day today.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Not really, I wish that we could have got together though. I’m afraid that I wouldn’t have been very good company.”

“I’m free now, Jessica, I could always pick you up and we could grab a coffee and maybe go for a ride.”

“I guess that would be alright, Scotty.” I still felt pretty down.

“Give me about 15 minutes, honey, and I will meet you out front.”

“Alright, I will see you then Scotty,” I said hanging up the phone.

[-][+][-]

After I touched up my makeup, I joined Mom in the living room. I looked around for Megan and Jennifer and figured they were upstairs in her room working on their homework. Mom looked at me.

“Are you going out, honey?”

“Yeah, Scotty wants to grab a coffee and maybe go for a drive.”

“Do you have your phone?”

“Yes Mom, it’s in my purse.”

“Alright honey, give me a call if you need me.”

“Sure Mom, but I’ll be alright.” I said with a smile.

[-][+][-]

As I waited outside, I thought about what I was going to do. Things were not as cut and dry as I had once thought especially when it came to my mother. I always knew where I stood with my dad but with Mom, it was different. Was this some kind of twisted plan for me to feel sorry for her or was she being honest with me and wanted to change? A part of me said walk away, but another voice said, “No, She’s being honest and wanted to make amends.” The question was, which voice was the correct one?”

As I watched for Scotty, I noticed this black car. I had seen it a few times before in the area and as I looked over at it, I noticed the driver seemed to be looking over at me and when he saw me looking over his way, he fidgeted like he was trying to look at a map or something, and then drove off. I thought to myself that something wasn’t right and was about to go inside when I saw Scotty pulling up in his dad’s car. I ran over and jumped inside next to him. He smiled. “It’s nice to see you Jessica, I’m glad you decided to come out.”

[-][+][-]

Rocco pulled the car into a parking lot. He had made a mistake, and Jessica had seen him. He was going to need another car now if he was to continue following her. He was about to make a call when his phone started ringing. He looked at his caller display and saw that it was his friend Wayne calling.

“Yeah Wayne, what’s up?” asked Rocco

“I just had a visitor, it was Adrian. We have a problem, Vincent has hired him to find Andrew and we both know it won’t take him long to figure out the truth. If we’re going to do something, we need to do it fast.” Wayne said sounding worried.

“Shit of all the people Vincent could bring in, why does it have to be Adrian?” Rocco said frustrated.

“What did you tell him?” asked Rocco

“I told him that it would take me some time, and I needed the school’s hard drives. That should keep him busy for a while, but he will eventually get them and bring them here for me to get the information. I’ll stall him as long as I can, but we both know that it will look suspicious if it takes me too long to break the security on those drives, considering I’ve broken into major corporations in a matter of a few hours.” Wayne said in frustration.

“Keep Adrian busy for as long as you can Wayne, I need you to make a call for me use the secure phone, call the district attorney’s office and setup a meeting.”

“Where do you want me to tell him to meet you, Rocco?” asked Wayne.

Rocco thought he needed a place that was outside of Vincent territory, where he could talk without word getting back to Vincent. “The only place I can think of is St. Michael’s Church.”

“What do you want to me to tell him?” asked Wayne

“Tell him that I have information that I’m willing to share that can bring down the family, that should be enough to get him there.” Rocco said

“Alright, I’m on it.   Be careful, Adrian is dangerous.” Wayne said, worrying about his friend’s safety.

“I know Wayne; I taught him everything he knows.” Rocco said, frustrated.

[-][+][-]

It took Scotty awhile to find a place to park at Gallagher’s but eventually we found one. We made our way inside and found a free table.

“Why don’t you grab a seat Jessica, while I get the coffee? How do you like yours?”

“Cream and Sugar please.” I said with a smile.

Scotty and I were lucky to find a table. As I looked around, there were people still coming in and looking for a place to sit. While I waited for Scotty to return, I couldn’t help but think about everything that had happened today.

Everything that happened made me think of Murphy’s Law. "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."

That was the kind of day that I was having, at least until now.

I smiled as I saw Scotty coming my way, and thought that I was lucky to have a guy like him in my life.

After Scotty joined me at the table, he turned to me, “So Jessica, do you want to talk about what happened today?”

“There are a lot of things going on right now Scotty, and to be honest with you, I really don’t know where to start.”

“Why don’t you start from the beginning Jessica, we have plenty of time and I promise whatever you tell me it’s not going to scare me away.” Scotty said with a smile.

“Alright, Scotty.” I frowned. “I didn’t really have a good relationship with my parents; my dad was an abusive drunk that used to take out his anger on me, mentally and physically.

My mother was not much better; she just sat there and allowed it to happen. This went on for most of my childhood. I felt so alone back then, and I had no one that I could talk to. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and tried to kill myself.

When the Tanners took me in I was pretty messed up.   This is before I found out that I was completely female. At that point, I knew that I was a girl deep down but I thought that I was transgendered.

Janice and Anthony accepted me, even though I had all this baggage. They helped me become the person that I am today, but with everything that has happened, I’ve been seeing a doctor, mostly to help me learn to deal with the abuse. I went for my first group session, my doctor felt that it would be good for me to be around other women that have been through the same things that I have.

I followed my doctor’s advice, went to the support group and listened to the woman talk. I actually felt like I was connecting with her.   That is until my mom showed up and let’s just say it wasn’t a happy reunion for either of us.”

“Shit, Jessica, what in the hell was she doing there?” Scotty said.

“She had some kind of nervous breakdown, that’s really all I know Scotty”

“Having her there couldn’t have been easy for you Jessica!”

“Believe me, it wasn’t. I was so angry at her and for the first time in my life I was actually able to tell her exactly how I felt about her.”

“It must have felt good on some level, finally being able to talk face to face and tell her how you felt about her.” Scotty said.

“I guess on some level I enjoyed it, but I don’t really know how I am supposed to feel towards her anymore.”’

“What do you mean Jessica?”

“Well for starters, she knew who I was and had seen me at the hospital after my operation. She could have told everyone at the meeting that I was her son. She also admitted everything that I said was the truth. I was sure she would have lied to cover her own ass, but she took responsibility for what she did.”

Scotty looked at me, and I could tell that he was deep in thought.   He turned to me. “I would be careful with that one, Jessica. Maybe she is trying to change, but the relationship that the two of you have is unhealthy. I’m afraid that you’ll only end up getting hurt. “

“I know, that’s what I’m afraid of, but part of me wants to believe that she can change. Does that make any sense to you at all Scotty?”

“Yes it does, Jessica. Just try not to get your hopes up. If your mother is serious, then you’ll know in time. Remember, you have people that care about you. Whatever the future holds, you don’t have to face it alone. ”

“Thanks Scotty. It really helps knowing that I can count on you.”

Scotty reached over and took my hand, “You know I care about you. I know we haven’t really known each other very long, but I want you to know that anytime you need me, all you have to do is call and I will be there, no matter what.”

“Thanks Scotty, and if you ever need me, you can always call.” I said with a smile.

“Let’s get out of here, Scotty.”

“Do you want me to take you home?” Scotty asked, looking sad.

  “No, Scotty. The last place I want to go right now is home. Let’s go for a drive, I don’t really care where.”

[-][+][-]

Scotty and I eventually ended up at Rockcliff Park, where he parked his car. The two of us just sat there, listening to music and talking.   Scotty put his arm around me, and I soon found myself moving closer. The two of us just enjoyed each other’s company.

“This is nice,” I said with a smile.

“Yeah, it is.” Scotty said as he leaned over and kissed me.

I found myself responding in kind and as the two of us kissed, I felt him caressing me. The last thing I was thinking about was the conversation that I had earlier with mom about sex.”

I wasn’t the only one that was getting excited, because as Scotty pulled me closer to him, I felt how excited he really was. I was somewhat flattered in a way but I also knew that I was not ready for that kind of relationship.

”Scotty, we have to stop.” I said, as I tried to catch my breath.

At first, he didn’t seem to hear me, because he kept on kissing me and I felt his hand slip under my shirt.

“Scotty Stop”, I said firmly

Scotty froze. “I’m sorry Jessica; I kind of got carried away.”

I smiled. “It’s alright Scotty, we both got carried away.” I said, blushing.

“Scotty, I am not ready to have sex, I hope you can understand that.”

“It’s alright Jessica, there is no hurry. I am not going anywhere.”

“You could be waiting a long time, Scotty.” I said with a smile.

Scotty smiled. “I love a good challenge.”

“Me too, Scotty, and I can see that I am going to have my hands full with you.”

“I was thinking the same thing about you Jessica.” Scotty said laughing.

“Well, I think you better get me home before Mom comes looking for us.”

“Yeah, I have to finish up my homework before bed anyway.” Scotty said frowning.

[-][+][-]

After arriving home, Scotty walked me to the door. “I had a good time tonight Jessica. Maybe we can do something on the weekend?”

“I will let you know Scotty, I have plans to meet up with a friend but I am sure that we can figure something out.   I had a great time tonight too, Scotty and thanks for being there for me.” I said with a smile.

“Anytime, Jessica.” Scotty said, then took me into his arms and kissed me goodnight.

 

 

End of part 21

To be continued 22

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 22

By, Cain129

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   Life has not been very easy for Jessica lately as she find herself trying to make a new life for herself while at the same time dealing with a past that she wished that she could just leave behind.

Running into her mother and the fight that followed had left her emotionally drained. In a strange way was also therapeutic and gave her a better understanding of who her mother really was. Deep down she no longer hated her mother but could she trust her?

 

Chapter 52

 
 

Adrian had spent most of the day trying to find Andrew Roberts and just as Vincent had said, the child had completely disappeared. There was the record of Andrew at the hospital after a failed suicide attempt but according to the police sources, child services released him to the care of Anthony and Janice Tanner.

If he was to believe the Reports, the child should still be there but Rocco had already been down that road and the only people living at that address was Anthony, his wife and their daughters.   

Adrian thought long and hard. He could not see the police placing the child in a safe house, not for a child abuse case. The answer was the Tanners, they had to know where the child was and he hated the idea of what he was about to do. He would first check the schools computers and see what he could find out.

If that turned out to be a dead end then he would grab one of the girls and get some answers.   There was one thing that had him concerned. Rocco had taken him under his wing and pretty much taught him everything he knows. This really bothered him. He knew that Rocco would have already done everything that he was about to do, and if that was the case Rocco would have already found the child, considering how long he had been working on the case.

Adrian thought to himself, was Rocco going against the family? If so, where did that leave him? When he joined the organization, he was nothing and barely able to survive. After his parents kicked him out of the house, he was homeless and starving. In those days, he used to hang out of the Denny’s panning for whatever change people would through his way.   Almost everyday, he would see Rocco going into the restaurant for breakfast and he would always throw a few dollars his way.   Eventually they had become friends and Rocco had brought him into the organization and over the years taught him everything he needed to know and because of that, he was able to make a good life for himself.

Things were different back then though. Vincent hadn’t been the one running things, and since he took over after his father ended up in jail the organization changed along with the way they operated.

Vincent was driven by greed and would do anything if it meant that he could make money. Running drugs and prostitutions were always part of the equation, but Vincent had done the unthinkable and allowed his men to pick up street kids and befriend them after getting them hooked on heroin. After the child was hooked on drugs, they would pimp the child out to the highest bidder.

Adrian hated this part of the business. It made him feel dirty inside, knowing the things that were happening, but he also knew that once you were part of the family there was no going back.   If he chose to walk away, it would most likely cost him his life. He was in a position with no easy way out of. If he was right and Rocco was making a move, he would have to do something about it.   The question was, could he kill Rocco?

Adrian picked up the phone and dialed a number. “Bobby I have a job for you, I need you to pickup a computer for me.”

  [-][+][-]

 

The time is 2am, and all is quiet except for the faint sound of a security alarm going off at Burnaby High school.   Three men make their way inside. One stands guard, while the other two go to the office. They have only one goal and that is to break into the principal’s office. While the two men are busy, the third man disables the alarm system.

Inside the principal’s office, the thieves quickly unhook the tower from the monitor and remove the cables. Within minutes, the job is finished and the three men exit the school, and drive off with the principal’s computer.

 

[-][+][-]

 

A half hour later the burglars meet up with Adrian, who has been waiting across town for the computer to be dropped off.

“How did it go?” asked Adrian.

“It was like taking candy from a baby, the security is a joke.”

“So I take it you have the computer then?”

“Yeah Adrian, it’s in the trunk. I’ll get it for you.”

After receiving the computer, Adrian handed an envelope to Bobby, climbed into his car, and headed for home. He would drop it off at Wayne’s in the morning and hoped Wayne would be able to find something in the school records.

 

[-][+][-]

 
 

I woke up early to the sound of knocking, still half asleep, I slowly climbed out of bed and made my way to the door. I opened it to find no one there. I shook my head, and thought to myself, I must still be dreaming.   I headed back to bed and climbed under my blankets, I would get another hour or so of sleep but as soon as I closed my eyes.

“Knock, Knock, Knock”

“Damn it, I said to myself climbing out of bed again. I went to open the door and once again there was no one there.”

“Just wait Megan, paybacks a bitch.” I said, then headed back to my bed.

Now fully awake, I was going to go downstairs and girl her piece of my mind, as I approached the door again.

“Knock, knock, knock.”

It was then that I realized that it wasn’t the door it was coming from outside as I peered out the window and found a freaking woodpecker.

I felt like opening the window and throwing my pillow at him, but that would have likely killed the little bugger.

I put on my housecoat and made my way downstairs, thankful that I never flew into Megan as I had planned on doing.

As I entered the kitchen, I found Mom and Megan at the table.

“You’re up early honey”, Mom said with a smile.

I yawned. “You can thank Woody Woodpecker for that.”

Megan and started Mom both started giggling as I told them about waking up to the knocking and thinking that it was Megan being a smartass. In my defense, my bedroom door and the window are almost side-by-side.

“Jessica honey, I was going to head over to the high school later to have you enrolled.   I just want to make sure that you are sure you want to attend there, we could always set you up in another school.” Mom said, knowing the trouble I had in the past at that school.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared about going back, Mom. I think everything will work out, though. Megan and Jennifer will be there, and Scotty will look out for me. Besides, I’ve already started making new friends.”

“Alright honey, but I want you to keep me informed.” Mom said, smiling.

“Don’t worry mom, she’ll be fine. Me and Jennifer will keep her out of trouble.”

“Alright, Megan. I’m just over protective right now, I guess. I want you both home after school, your father’s going to be coming home around supper time and I want to make him something special.” Mom said with a smile.

“Jessica, if we can get you setup today, what do you want to do? Attend classes or wait until Monday and start fresh.” Mom asked

“I guess if I had a choice, I would start today its boring sitting around the house all day and I have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Alright honey, we’ll see what happens once we have you enrolled.” Mom said

“A lot of catching up to do?”   Megan giggled. “You just want to see Scotty.”

I smiled. “That’s true, but there is no reason I can’t do both.”

 

[-][+][-]

After finishing breakfast, I took a quick shower and got ready to go to the school with Megan and mom. I was a little nervous because so much had happened there in the past. It held so many painful memories, but I knew that I had to put the past behind me if I ever wanted to find happiness.   In many ways, I was not the same person that I once was. That person died the day that I tried to take my own life, and since then there has been only Jessica.

The past is a hard thing to put behind you, and the things that you experienced tend to follow you into adulthood.   When I thought about school, it brought back all those feelings of being alone. The worst part for me was being transgender, or at least that was what I believed at the time. I knew in my heart that I was a girl, trapped in the wrong body.   

Then there was Scotty, and how painful it was watching him with other girls, wishing more than anything that I could have been one of them. I knew that there could never be anything between the two of us. I was a freak, or at least that is how I felt about myself back then.

How things have changed though, in such a short period. I still carry plenty of baggage, but for the most part, I’m happy and looking forward to the future. I hate to say it, and it might sound funny, but the best thing that I ever did was trying to kill myself. It forced me to become the person that I am today. It is hard to believe that one stupid act of desperation could have such a widespread effect over my life, but this one sure did.

It took me about a half hour but I was finally ready to leave, and made my way into the kitchen where both Mom and Megan were waiting.

“You ready to go now, Jessica?” Mom asked

“I guess so,” I said, frowning.

“Don’t worry Sis, everything will work out.” Megan told me

“I have something for you,” Mom said, reaching under the table and handing me a pink knapsack. You should find everything you will need for school. If there is anything that I forgot just let me know.” Mom smiled her reassurance.

 

[-][+][-]

After picking up Jennifer, we made the short ride to the school.   We could have made the walk but Mom had some errands to run after the meeting with the school’s principal.

“Hey Jessica, are you starting school today?” Jennifer asked smiling.

“Maybe, it depends on what the principal says.”

“Well, either way it will be nice to have you there.” Jennifer said with a smile

“Yeah, really, Scotty can stop asking us about you! I am starting to feel like your secretary, and an unpaid one at that.” Megan said grinning.

“Mom I ask a question? The principal knows who I am, doesn’t he?”

“Yes honey, he knows who you are, and the only reason is because someone had to arrange for your school records to be changed over to your new name and sex. I really don’t see him being a problem, and I will make sure he keeps what he knows to himself. There is no reason that the other teachers need to know, but I’m afraid some of them might figure it out on their own, Jessica.” Mom said sadly, knowing that secrets can be very hard to keep.

“I guess that what scares me. I’m not worried about the teachers knowing about me, because I doubt that they would react badly. I was always a girl. It was just a medical problem that made it hard to tell, what does worry me is if one of the teachers says something and one of the students overhears it. The way gossip gets around the school everyone will know before long. A few students would make my life a living hell if they found out who I really am. They wouldn’t care if I was a boy or girl, to them I would be just another target.” I said sadly.

“You’re talking about Steve and Dennis, aren’t you?” Megan said, frowning.

“Yeah Megan, if anyone was to try anything it would be them.” I said, with a worried expression.

Both Megan and Jennifer started giggling and I just looked at them. “This isn’t funny! They would seriously hurt me if they could.” I said a little angry with the both of them for laughing.

After the two of them finish their giggle fest Megan turned to me, “Jessica if any of those jerks even look at you funny, they will have the whole football team paying them a visit. I know you are new to being a girl, but you are dating Scotty and friends with some of the most popular kids in school now. Not to mention that Britney and Natasha have asked you to join the cheering squad. You are no longer on the outside looking in. I hate to tell you, but you are part of the in crowd now!” Megan said with a smile.

I found myself starting to understand what Megan had just said. It was true, for most of my life I didn’t feel that I belonged.   I used to sit and watch other people, wishing that I could change places with them and have their life because mine sucked big time, and most of those people wouldn’t have giving me the time of day. They knew who they were and had it easy for the most part.

Now I realized that I had crossed that invisible line and hadn’t even noticed. If what Megan had just said was true, I was now part of the group and no longer a nonentity. I was not sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.   I had seen from first hand experience how many of these people treated the less fortunate students, who were unlucky enough not to fit in.

After Megan and Jennifer became part of this group, I was the one that did not fit in and because of peer pressure they choose to listen to the other kids and choose to end their friendship with me. They were afraid to loose their newfound popularity.   I am not willing to sell my soul just to be part of this group, not after everything I had gone through. I wasn’t going to allow myself become a nonentity again, either.    

 

[-][+][-]

 

“What’s wrong Jessica?” Jennifer asked looking worried

I looked over at Jennifer. “I think that I am way too easy to read.”

“No really Jessica, what’s wrong?”

“I was just thinking about what Megan said about me being part of the popular crowd. I’m not sure if that is really a good thing or not.”

“Why would you say that, Jessica?” asked Megan.

“Experience, mostly. I know what it’s like to be on the other side.   I was pretty much a nonentity before, and I saw first hand how most of the popular kids were towards the kids that didn’t fit into their little clique. Megan, Jennifer please don’t take me wrong with I am about to say because I love the both of you to pieces but look what happened between us. “

“The three of us had been friends for years.   Then the two of you fell into the popular crowd. I wasn’t welcome, and I lost my best friends because of the two of you wanted to be popular.” I said in frustration

“You know that Megan and I are really sorry about that Jessica. We should have just told them to go to hell, but we didn’t.” Jennifer said, a tear running down her cheek.

“I know, Jennifer and I have forgiven the both of you, but, I am not willing to sell my soul so they will accept me into that clique. When looking back over my life I was always alone, and I watched life pass me by, it scares me to death thinking of going back to that existence.”

“There are some good people Jessica, look at Scotty, Britney and Natasha there all pretty popular but haven’t sold there soul to get where they are.” Megan said with a smile.

“We can have our own little clique, Jessica.   You may have noticed Megan and I have dropped the group that we were hanging with and we did it because of you. After everything that had happened, Megan and I felt terrible.” Jennifer said. “Those people only cared about themselves, and made fun of you and said things about you even after you ended up in the hospital.”

“The only people we talk to now you already know and they’re all good people. They’re popular, but don’t think they’re better then everyone else.” Jennifer said smiling

I had to admit, she was right. Britney and Natasha were not like the others that I had met, ever. Their boyfriends were decent, nice, and I enjoyed their company.

“You know Jessica that everything comes down to a choice. If you’re not sure of something, then talk about it with someone you trust before making a decision.   That is what I do and it helps to hear another person’s point of view.” Mom said with a smile.

[-][+][-]

 

Mom was right, it did help to talk things through rather then just act on them. I was sure, though, that I would make a lot of mistakes in the future. Sometimes its easier said then done, especially when emotions are involved. At least I knew that I had parents that cared for me and I could turn to them when I needed help, which was something that I never had before.

Its a good feeling, knowing that you have people in your life that will love and support you, even when you do something stupid. I knew that I could depend on them being there for me when the time came, and it made me feel wonderful.

 

 

Chapter 53

 

Wayne was busy working on his computer, when he heard the doorbell. Wayne clicked a button on his keyboard that turned on his wireless webcam. It was setup to give him a good view of who was coming and going, in his line of work one could never be to careful.   As the camera came to life and the image became clear, he had no problem recognizing that it was Adrian outside. He was holding a computer tower. Wayne didn’t need to guess where it had come from and took a deep breath. “Here we go,” he said to himself as he walked over to the door and let Adrian inside.

“I take it that’s the school’s computer?” Wayne said, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah I had some guys pick it up last night.” Adrian said as he placed it on Wayne’s workbench.

Adrian looked at Wayne, “How long do you think that you will need”

“I don’t know give me a few minutes to get it setup and I should be able to give you some idea.” Wayne said

After setting the computer up, Wayne hit the power button and the computer came to life-that is, until it hit the log on screen and asked for a username and password. Wayne tried a bunch of common ones that people that weren’t very computer savvy would likely use, knowing full well none of them would work.  

He then restarted the computer and did a fake attempt of going into safe mode.   Which wouldn’t work because he had been pressing the wrong button, he knew that Adrian didn’t know anything about computers so it was a good way to bluff that he was actually trying to break the security.

After trying a few other things he turned to Adrian, “The computer is locked down pretty tight; whoever the technician is that is taking care of the computers knows what he is doing.” Wayne said frowning

“So how long is it going to take you?” Adrian asked in frustration.

“Call me back around 4pm Adrian and I should have what you are looking for.”

“That’s eight hours, Wayne. It shouldn’t take you that long.” Adrian said

“Normally it wouldn’t, but the computer is locked down pretty good, what I would have normally done is use safe mode and create a new account. Then it’s pretty easy but whoever is taking care of the schools computer has locked me out.   I will have to install another drive to it, then an operating system so I can boot the computer. After that, I have to decrypt all the files on the drive.” Wayne said

“Alright Wayne, do what you have to, then call me as soon as you are done.”

“Sure thing, Adrian.” Wayne said, and watched as Adrian let himself out.

Wayne took a deep breath. “Well, I bought Rocco 8 hours.” he said to himself as he picked up the phone and called Rocco and let him know what happened.

[-][+][-]

 

Rocco was setting at St. Michaels Church wait for Daniel Gibson to arrive. Wayne had contacted him late in the night, and was able to setup a meeting. As Rocco sat there he thought about what he was doing and the implication of what he was about to do. He knew that he had the support of some of the family, but would it be enough when the shit hit the fan.  

While he was sitting there thinking, he heard someone call his name, turned around, and saw Daniel Gibson walking towards him.

“You wanted to see me?” Daniel asked as he took a seat next to Rocco

“Not really, but I didn’t have a choice, something bad is going down and there are some things that I won’t stand for.”

“So, what do you have for me?”

“Vincent needs to go, and I am willing to help you take him down.” Rocco said sadly

“Why are you doing this, Rocco? Are you looking to take his place?”

“That really depends on me making it through all this alive. To answer your question, there is a low life named Jake Roberts, and he went to Vincent to get help kidnapping he son.

I was given the job of finding Andrew Roberts and I’m good at my job. Vincent does not know that I have already found the child. If he did, then chances are the child would already be dead. I may have done some rotten things in my life Daniel, but I have never harmed a child and I am not going to start now.

Because I have been holding out, Vincent has hired someone else to find Andrew and it is only a matter of time before he puts the pieces together.   When he does, he’ll make his move and I’m sure that whatever happens, it won’t be good. Jake Roberts is the worst kind of scum.

“So when do you think that Vincent is going to make his move?” Daniel asked

“It will likely be in the next couple of days. The problem is Vincent has people inside the police force. If I had gone to them for help, it wouldn’t be very long before Vincent found out.” Rocco said sadly

“I see the problem.” Daniel thought for a few minutes. “There is only one solution that I can think of. If Vincent has people in the OPP, then I will have to contact the RCMP. We need an outside police force to handle this, otherwise Vincent will be tipped off and that is the last thing we need right now.

“So what happens to me after all this is done?” asked Rocco

“You don’t deserve to go to jail, that is for sure Rocco. I’ll find a way to keep your name out of it.” Daniel said with a smile

“Thanks, Daniel.” Rocco said wiping his brow.

“I’d better get going Rocco, I have a lot of work to do and I have to do it fast.”

While Daniel stood up and was about to shake Rocco’s hand, Rocco’s phone went off. When he looked at the number, he turned to Daniel. “You’d better wait, this might be important.”

“Hi Wayne, what’s up?” asked Rocco

Rocco hit the speaker button so Daniel could hear also

“I just had a visit from Adrian, he dropped the schools computer off with me and wants me to break the security, I told him that it would take about eight hours for me to get into the files. So whatever you are going to do you better do it now.” Wayne said, sounding worried.

“Alright thanks, Wayne. I’ll call you later.” Rocco said, hitting the end button on his phone. Then turning to Daniel, he asked, “Is that enough time for you to get something in place?

“I don’t know, but I’ll try, I hate to ask but is there anything else you can do to try and slow Adrian down?” Daniel asked, a little frustrated.

“Maybe, but I can’t promise anything, I’ll call you if anything changes.” Rocco said with a smile.

Rocco had an idea, it was a long shot but he was running out of time. Something needed to be done. He picked up his phone and called Adrian.

“Hey Adrian, I heard that Vincent gave you the job of finding Andrew Roberts. What the hell is going on, I do all the work and you walk in and take all the credit.”

“It’s not like that Rocco! To be honest, when Vincent asked me to take over I really didn’t want to, but he is the boss and you know what that means as well as I do. Please realize this is nothing personal.”

“I know Adrian, I am sorry it’s just a piss off. I did all that work and finally found the kid and was ready to grab him.”

“You found the kid?” Adrian said

“Yeah, it took a little work because they changed the kid’s name and everything.” Rocco said with a smile.

“Alright Rocco, we can bring him in together. I don’t mind sharing the credit.” Adrian said excited

“I can’t tell you the information over the phone Adrian. I think that there might be someone listening. Meet me at studio 5 and I’ll give you all the details, I’ll tell you everything that I know, be there at 3 pm.” Rocco said ending the call.

Chapter 54

 

After dropping Megan and Jennifer off Mom and I made our way to the principal’s office.   As I made my way down that hallway, it was like walking backwards in time for me. I saw familiar faces that I had attended classes when I was still living as Andrew, I think the hardest part though was as I passed the gym and found myself stopping dead in my tracks. I had thought that I had prepared myself mentally for this. I guess there are always some things that there is no really way to prepare for especially emotional connections.

As I stood there, I was watching the events of that day, playing in my mind. The day I tried to end my life. This was where it had happened. I had been in so much pain and was so confused and just wanted to be at peace.”

“Jessica, are you alright?” I kept hearing mom saying.

I finally started coming to my senses. “This is where it all started.” I said softly.

Mom reached over and put her arm around me, I was still kind of in a trance like state.   I opened the door and slowly walked inside looking over at the bleachers.

“This is where I took the pills, I was so confused, Mom. I just didn’t see hope, I was so lost and in so much pain.”

I found myself taking a seat.   Mom sat next to me and put her arm around me.

“It’s alright, Jessica. I should have realized this would happen. I know its hard baby, but what happened is over now. It’s in the past, and you need to move forward. The only way to do that is to put what happened behind you. You are a different person now, you have friends and a family that loves you and you will never have to feel like that again. Whatever happens, you will never be alone.” Mom said as she gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead.

I looked over at Mom. “I know, lets get this over with, and I will be alright.”

“Are you sure Jessica?” Mom asked.

“Yeah, the past just kind of crept up on me for a minute.” I decided to push those memories down, deep in my mind. I was Jessica, NOT Andrew, ever again.

“Alright, Jessica lets go see the principal.” Mom said with a smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

John Hanson had been the principal at Burnaby High for close to 10 years. It had only been my first year at Burnaby, so to be honest I did not really know that man at all. I was pretty much an A+ student that never really got into any trouble so I really didn’t know what to make of him.

Mom and I waited in the office while the receptionist let him know that Mom and I were there. He only kept us waiting for a few minutes then invited Mom and I into his office. After we took a seat, he looked over at me then shook his head.

“Unbelievable,” he said shaking his head, and then smiled. “I am sorry, Jessica. It’s very hard to believe, seeing you now, that you were ever a boy.”

I looked at him and smiled. “Mr. Hanson, I’ve always been a girl. If it wasn’t for that medical disorder, everyone would have seen that.”

“I am sorry that you had to go though that Jessica. It couldn’t have been easy for you, spending all those years as a boy when all along you were a girl.”, Mr. Hanson said sadly. “Well, things are sorted now and you can start leaving the life that you were meant to live.”

He then turned to mom

“It’s good to see you again Janice, I have taken care of everything, and Jessica is free to start school. I took the liberty to setup a few of her classes already. I thought it would be easier for her to be in the same classes that Megan and Jennifer are in. I have left a few classes open though.” Mr. Hanson said with a smile.

“What classes are available?” I asked

“Music, Art and I believe there are a few others. Just take some time to let me know what you want and I’ll make the arrangements, Jessica.”

“Music and Art are both good, and how about Home Ed?” I asked.

“Done. Is there anything else I can do for you, my lady?” He said with a smile.

“Nope!” I said, returning his smile with one of my own.

“Mr. Hanson, I’m just wondering, what have you told her teachers?” Mom asked

“I figured that it would be best if I said nothing. There is no reason for me to say anything, other than that she is a new student.” Mr. Hanson said with a smile then turned to me. “I want you to know Jessica, if you have any problems or just need to talk, my door is always open.”

“Thanks Mr. Hanson but I think that I will be alright.   If anything does happen, I will remember what you said.” I said with a smile. “Would it be possible for me to start today?”

“I don’t see a problem with that Jessica. Are you sure that you are ready?” Mr. Hanson said, concerned.

“Yeah! I’ve been bored to death at home, and could use something to keep me busy. Besides, all my friends are here.” I said

“Well if that is what you want. I’ll arrange for the secretary to print out your class list, if it’s alright with your mother, that is?”

“If she wants to start today it’s fine with me.” She has everything with her that she will need to start classes,” Mom said with a smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

I walked back to the car with mom and grabbed my knapsack out of the back seat them Mom turned to me.   “Do you want me to pick you up after school honey?”

“No Mom, I will likely get a ride back with Scotty if that’s alright”

“Have a good day baby, if anything happens I am just a phone call away.” Mom said as she leaned over and gave me a hug and kiss, she then smiled. “I am so proud of you Jessica, with everything you have been through and the way you’re dealing with things.”

I smiled, “Thanks Mom, but I think that you should take some of the credit. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think that I would have been able to make it. My real mother gave birth to me but she didn’t love me, not the way that you do and I couldn’t talk to her like I can you.” I said as the tears ran down my face.

Mom smiled, “Baby I always wanted another daughter and now I have two beautiful daughters. I am the lucky one.” Mom said, she was crying now also.

“I think we’re both lucky Mom, but I better get going, I’m already late for class! I will see you when I get home, I love you.” I said, and then headed into the school.

 

[-][+][-]

 

I arrived late for my first class but being a new student I had a good excuse, everyone seemed friendly.   In just about all my classes, I found that either Megan or Jennifer was there and it made it a lot easier.

It didn’t take long for word to get around that there was a new girl in the school and when the lunch bell went off, I found myself in the cafeteria, sitting at a table with Megan, Jennifer, Britney and Natasha, along the rest of the gang.

There was only one person that I was waiting to see, and when he came into the cafeteria, the first thing he did was look around the room until he saw me. It really didn’t take him long before he came over and I found myself in his arms. The food wasn’t the greatest but the atmosphere at our table seemed electric, well, at least it was to me. Everyone sat and enjoyed each other’s company.   Dinner went by way too fast, and before I knew it, school was finished for the day.

My first day at school turned out to be enjoyable. There were still times that the odd memory came into play, especially when I would see people that I used to know when I was living as Andrew but I did my best to try not to let myself get carried away and placed my focus on what was really important. The past was the past and I needed to look towards my future, so I tried to focus on positive things, like my family and friends and that seemed to snap me out of it.

Considering everything that happened, it should be interesting attending my first cheerleader practice tomorrow after school. To be honest, I was really looking forward to it, mostly because it would give me a chance to hang out with my friends, even if I had to wear a skimpy little skirt.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Adrian made his way inside Studio 5, which was pretty much abandoned these days. It was one of the properties that were owned by his organization.

  “Rocco are you in here?” he called out.

“Yeah Adrian, I’m in the office”, Rocco yelled back

Adrian walked towards that back of the building. It was hard to see, because the power had been turned off for over a year. All he had to light his way was the sunlight that made its way through the dirty windows.

Eventually he made his way into the office but there was no sign of Rocco. It was then that he felt a sharp stabbing pain in his back. He reached for his gun but it was too late, as everything went back and his body hit the floor.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

End of part 22

To be continued in part 23

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 23

By, Cain129

 

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   Things are moving along quite nicely for Jessica. Her first day at school had started a bit shaky and her nerves had gotten the best of her. She managed to push herself and was able to finish the day. Adrian is hot on the trail and had hired some goons to get the schools computer to find whatever information on the drive.   Little does he know the man that he took it to is working against him and Rocco has set a trap for him!, What will happened to Jessica? Will Rocco be able to save her, before Vincent’s men make the connection between Andrew and Jessica?

Chapter 55

 

Sitting in a chair in a dark room a man awakes to one hell of a headache. What the hell, he said trying to reach up to touch his aching head and discovers his hands are bound to each side of the chair.

“Relax Adrian, you aren’t going anywhere.” Rocco said, frowning.

“What’s this about Rocco?” Adrian asked, a little afraid.

“I’ll tell you what this is about, Adrian.” Rocco said, wishing that it hadn’t come down to this. He then took a seat across from Adrian.

“There was a child I found, he was living on the street half starving and begging for change. The reason for this was he had a father who was a drunk, that loved to beat him around.   One day the child says enough is enough, tries to stand up to his father, and receives one hell of a beating at the hands of his father. The child ends up being of forced out of the house and is forced to try to survive on his own.”, Rocco let the words sink in knowing Adrian knew this story as well as he did, if not better, because it was his story.

“Adrian looked at Rocco “What does this have to do with me?”

“I’ve done some terrible things in my life Adrian, but I have to draw the line somewhere. The bastard we work for has no moral compass, and refuses to listen to reason. The child we’ve been asked to find was abused by his father. Vincent expects us to find the child and bring him to his father. I have had the pleasure of spending time with the kid’s father and I’d love to put a bullet between his eyes. He’s nothing but an abusive drunk and will most likely end up killing the child if he gets anywhere near the child.   I can’t be part of something like that Adrian and because of it I’m forced to make a choice between the family and my own conscience.”

Adrian looked at Rocco, “Please tell me you are not seriously going to make a move on Vincent?”

“You need to think hard Adrian. Where do your loyalties lie, will you follow Vincent’s orders and become a monster like your father or follow me? It’s your choice, Adrian.” Rocco said, hoping he could get his friend to see reason.

“Rocco, if you try to go against the family, you’re going to end up a dead man.” Adrian said worried.

“Maybe, Adrian, but is this what you signed on for? Since Vincent took over the organization from his father look what has happened, do you really think that Dino would have allowed something like this to happen? Fuck, Adrian, we are pimping out children to the highest bidder. So if you are asking me if I’m planning a takeover, then the answer is yes, and you have a choice to make. Are you with me or against me?” Rocco said slamming his fist on the table in anger.

Adrian sat there thinking. Finally he decided what to do. “I’m likely going to end up dead if I follow you Rocco, but what the hell, you only live once. I’m with you.” Adrian said frowning. “Now, could you let me out of the handcuffs? They’re cutting off my circulation.”

 

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After un-cuffing Adrian, Rocco took a seat. Adrian turned to Rocco, “So what is the plan?”

“I have some of the family behind me, but if we’re going to move on Vincent we’re going to need help.” Rocco said.

“It’s not going to be easy Rocco, not with Vincent locked up in that compound. The only thing that I can think of is if we make it look like were carrying out Vincent’s orders. grab the kid and have the cops waiting.” Adrian said thoughtfully.

“That might work, but the child has been terrorized enough. I would hate to make things worse.” Rocco said worried.

“It’s the only way Rocco, if this is going to work we need to flush out Vincent, otherwise the police won’t be able to connect him to the crime.”

“If we can get Jake Roberts, I know that once he is in police custody, he will crack and tell the police everything.” Rocco said

“So we grab the kid, bring him to his father and have the police waiting. That works for me. It will likely be easiest to drug the kid. We need to make this look real. I can shoot the kid from a distance, you grab him and we’ll have the cops waiting at the drop off.” Adrian said with a smile.

“I’ve been dealing with someone that is working on bringing the RCMP in, so I’ll let him in on the plan, and that he can talk to the parents. We’re not going to make a move until I get the word back.” Rocco said firmly.

 

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After Rocco and Adrian went their own separate ways, Rocco gave Daniel a call and told him about the plan that Adrian and he had put together. Daniel felt it was their best option if they could get the parents on board and most importantly, Jessica. She’d be the one that had the most to loose if things fell apart.

Daniel agreed that he would arrange a meeting with Jessica and her parents to run the plan past them. And then arrange things with the RCMP. Before doing anything, they needed to make sure that they knew where Jessica was at all times after she was taken. To do that, they would have to place a tracer on the child.

 

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After getting off the phone, Daniel grabbed his coat and left his office, telling the secretary that he would be out for the rest of the afternoon. He took the elevator, headed down to the parking garage, got into his car, and started driving.

 

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Daniel knew that there were risks with this plan. There was too much that could go wrong. His main goal was to get Vincent behind bars, and from what Rocco had said, the child’s father was a drunk and a child abuser. There was a chance at getting Vincent and Jake Roberts.

Daniel knew Jake’s type well.   From his own experience people like Jake tended to be self centered and would gladly turn in there own mothers, if there was something in it for them. He would use that to his advantage but the whole plan relied on the cooperation of a scared child. This is what bothered him the most, would the child be willing to help?

 

  [-][+][-]

 

It was 4 pm, when Scotty dropped us off at home. Megan and Jennifer headed inside, and gave Scotty and me a few minutes to talk.

“Are you doing anything tonight Jessica?”

“Yeah, Dad’s been away for the last week on business, so we’re making him a special supper. I would imagine that Megan and I will likely end up hanging around the house tonight.

“When do you think that we can get together then?” asked Scotty.

“Maybe sometime on the weekend, there’s always lunchtime at school.” I said with a smile.

“I’ll give you a call later tonight.” Scotty said taking me into his arms and kissing me.

  “See you later, honey.” I smiled as I climbed out of his car and made my way into the house, when I reached the door, I turned around and waved goodbye.

After making my way inside, I found everyone was already in the kitchen and had started working on preparing supper. I made my way over to the fridge and grabbed a coke and joined everyone at the table.

“So how was your day, honey?” Mom asked

“It was alright Mom, I had a few rough patches but otherwise it went fine.”

“That’s good, I was a little worried about leaving you after what happened in the gym.” Mom said.

“What happened in the gym?” Megan asked.

“I guess you could say my past caught up with me.” I said, a little sadly.

“Damn, I never thought about what it would be like for you.” Megan said.

“To be honest, I never really gave it much thought either. I just wanted to get on with my life again, but it will get easier. At least nobody remembered me as Andrew.” I said with a smile.

“Jessica, I really don’t think that you have to worry about that happening. It’s like you said before, Andrew wasn’t really noticed by anyone other than the bullies. The people that know the truth about you aren’t going to say anything to put you at risk.” Jennifer said, smiling.

“Yeah, as much as I hate to admit this, Jennifer is actually right. You pretty much have a clean slate and it’s up to you what you choose to do with it Jessica.” Megan said as she continued peeling potatoes.

“I think the worse of it is over Jessica. Anyone that has gone through the things that you have is bound to have triggers that bring back painful memories.” Mom said. “The only way to get over them is to confront them, the same way that you did with your birth mother. I know it’s not easy, but you’re going to have to take this a day at a time. Just try not to be too hard on yourself and don’t hold what is bothering you inside. That’s what Sarah did, and look where it got her.”

 

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I thought about what Mom said, and she was right. As Andrew I held everything inside, and carrying all that pain is what led me to my suicide attempt.   I hated to accept it, but I took after my real mother in more then just my looks.

Who knows, when she was my age she might have felt some of the same things that I have. I wasn’t abused sexually, but we both came from abusive homes.

We both had our dirty little secrets that we hid away from the world and dared not speak aloud. I could never forget the things that she had done, but knowing the truth, she’d had a mental illness.

She had spent years holding everything inside. I hated to think about it, but had my life continued going the way that it was, I could have ended up just like her. Fortunately, I’d had the Tanners.

I was the lucky one, I could see that now. I could forgive my real mother, but I’d never be able forget and I would have carry those scars for the rest of my life.

“Is everything alright, Jessica?” asked Mom.

“Yeah Mom, I’m alright. I was just thinking about how lucky that I am to be part of your family. I guess I realized how easy it would have been for me to turn out just like my birth mother. I was thinking about what it must have been like for her, growing up abused the way she was. She held it all inside and tried to pretend that it wasn’t happening. I tried to do the same thing as she did, and I could have ended up just like her.”

“That’s true Jessica, but you’re not the same person that you were. You have grown emotionally and you’re seeing things from a whole new point of view. I would say that there is very little chance of you ended up like your mother did, because you’re able to admit that there is a problem, and you’re willing to do something about it. That is the first step to healing.” Mom said with a smile.

“Life was so much easier, when all I felt was hatred for her. It’s like I don’t know what to think about her at times. She says that she loves me, but how can someone love you, then let someone hurt you? I just don’t understand! Am I crazy for wanting to believe that she can change?”

“I really think she loves you Jessica, but sometimes love isn’t enough. She has a mental illness. It was sexual abuse of a minor by a family member, and this traumatic experience has never been treated until now. It was likely affecting more then just her relationship with you.   Look at your father for example: a woman that was mentally stable would have left a relationship like that, especially when their child was in danger. I am not her doctor, but if you were to ask me, had she been mentally stable she would never have been involved with your father.”

I looked at Mom. “Maybe it’s really not her fault, then?”

“It’s hard to place blame Jessica, you have to look at the whole picture. She likely knew on some level that what she was doing was wrong, and she should have taken you out of the home. For whatever reason, she didn’t. The only person that could answer that question is her.” Mom said frowning.

Something told me that someday, I would have all of the answers. Eventually, I would talk to my mother, but for now, though, I decided that I’d wait. She needed time to recover, to heal herself, provided that she continued to get help.

 

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Chapter 56

 

After we finished preparing supper and putting it on the stove to cook, we had some time to kill. I had a lot of catching up to do if I was going to graduate this year, so I headed off to my room to start studying and doing up my assignments.

The only good thing was that I’d been an A+ student, and tended to always be a bit ahead of my class. Some of the assignments I’d already read up on, so that stuff didn’t really take all that much thought, I just did the assignments. Soon, though, I reached the assignments that I hadn’t seen, and those were going to take much longer for me to do. I’d work at it everyday till I was caught up. The last thing that I wanted to do was spend my summer in school.

I worked till about 5pm, when Dad came through the front door carrying his suite cases. I left my school work on my desk and went out to meet him. As I entered the living room, I found Mom and Megan were already there. I could see that I was not the only one happy to see that Dad was home. As he was hugging Megan and Mom, he looked over at me and smiled.

“Get over here, kiddo.” He said, and I soon found myself in his arms, too.

Over supper, he told us all about his trip and the things that he had done and seen. He seemed really relieved to finally be home and have sometime off. After supper, all of us headed into the living room and Dad grabbed one of his suite cases. Opening it up. he took out some packages and started handing them out to everyone, he even had one for Jennifer. I couldn’t help but smile, seeing the look on her face. I knew that she didn’t really have a father, at least one that really cared about her. Daddy had kind of adopted her as one of his own.

Inside were t-shirts that he had bought in Seattle, that were mostly for tourists, there was also a flyer for Disney Land.

Dad smiled. “That’s where we’re all going, after school is out.”

I couldn’t believe it. I’d always wanted to go there, but pretty much accepted that it would never happen.

“Please tell me this isn’t a joke.” I said smiling.

Dad shook his head. “It’s not a joke, I have a full month off and that’s where we’re going. We’ll be driving there, so there will be a few other stops on the way.”

Dad turned to Jennifer, “You’ll have to ask your mother, but something tells me she won’t have a problem with you coming along.”

He turned to me, “I was talking to your mother on the phone earlier. She said that you went back to school today. How was your first day?”

“It was alright, Dad. A little hard at first, but the rest of the day went alright.” I said smiling, “I have a lot of catching up to do!”

“Try not to worry about it honey, we’ll get you caught up.” Dad said with a smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

It was around 6pm when the phone went off. I walked over and answered it. I was expecting a call from Scotty, but the man on the other end asked to talk to Mom or Dad, so I handed the phone to Dad.

“Hello, this is Anthony.” Dad said.

“Hi Anthony, my name is Daniel, I’m with the office of the District Attorney, I’m calling concerning Andrew Roberts, I understand that he is under your care.”

“Yes, what is this all about?” asked Anthony, sounding worried.

“I really don’t want to talk about this on the phone or even in my office. Would it be possible for me to drop over for a bit? I need to talk you in person about this.” Daniel said sounding urgent.  

“When do you want to drop over?” Anthony said.

“Now, if possible. What I need to talk to you about is time sensitive.” Daniel replied.

“Alright, do you have our address?” Dad asked.

“Yes, I will be there in about a half hour,” Daniel said ending the call.

 

[-][+][-]

 

“What was that all about?” asked Janice.

“That was the District Attorney, and what it was about he wouldn’t say over the phone.”   Anthony said sounding worried.

I sat there thinking to myself; whatever was going on had to be about me.   If he wouldn’t talk over the phone it had to be something serious.

“Dad, if this about me, I’d like to stay and hear what he has to say.”

“Alright Jessica, but it’s likely nothing serious. It’s probably just about the court case.” Anthony said trying to make me feel better.

I had been waiting for something to happen, I knew that it would be only a matter of time before my Dad tried something. He must have really done something bad, to have someone like the district attorney visiting us at home. I tried staying calm, but I was shaking inside.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Time seems to fly when you’re worrying about something, and before I knew it the doorbell started ringing.   Dad opened the door and a man came in. He looked to be in his late 40’s.   After making the introductions Mom and Dad went into the kitchen and talked to him first.

After everyone was seated Anthony, turned to Daniel. “So what’s this all about?”

Daniel looked at Anthony and then over to Janice. “There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll be up front with you. We’ve learned that Jake Roberts intends to kidnap his son and is getting help from the Mob.”

“How the hell did he manage to get the Mob involved?” Anthony said in anger

“I really don’t know the answer to that question. All I know is the man that was hired to find Andrew contacted me. He has no intension of hurting Andrew, but he’s concerned that if he doesn’t do it, someone else will.” Daniel said, frustrated.

“Why can’t you just have the guy arrested?” Janice asked.

“I wish it was that simple, Janice. The man behind this is protected, and we believe he’s paid off some of the police.   I am afraid that at this time, we can’t go to them for help.” Daniel said in frustration.

“So where do we go from here?” asked Anthony.

“I have a plan, but I’ll need Andrew’s help for it to work.”   Daniel said

“What do you need Andrew for?” He was almost afraid to hear the answer to his question.

Daniel looked at Anthony, then at Janice, and took a deep breath. “Bait.”

“What good is that going to do, considering the police are involved?” Anthony said angry that he would ask such a thing.

“The OPP are compromised, but not the RCMP and I’ve already made arrangements for them to take charge of the case, Anthony. Andrew shouldn’t be in any danger. I’ll have a tracer on him, so we’ll know where he is at all times. Once the exchange is made, the RCMP will make the arrest.   If I’m right, Jake will spill the beans on the people he’s working with.” Daniel said, and waited for it to sink in.

Janice turned to Anthony. “If we do nothing at all, they’ll eventually take Jessica.” She was no longer worried about Daniel knowing the truth.

Anthony nodded his head. “You’re right, Janice. We better bring her in.”

“Who is Jessica?” Daniel said, confused.

Anthony turned to Daniel, “Andrew and Jessica are both the same person, Jessica has a medical condition that the doctors missed. Because of that, she was raised as a boy. The doctors just found the problem and she had to be operated on in order to correct the problem, and save her life. Jessica has always known she was a girl and has had a hard life, her parents didn’t understand and were abusive towards her, so please go easy on her.” Anthony said.

 

[-][+][-]

 

I was sitting in my room, trying to stay busy. Ever since we got the call, I’d been a little on edge, Mom and Dad agreed that I wouldn’t be kept in the dark about what the call was all about, but they wanted to talk to him first. I sat in my room, trying to do my homework, but I just couldn’t concentrate on studying. Finally Mom came to my door.

“Jessica, will you join us in the kitchen?” Mom said, not looking very happy. This confirmed that whatever was going on wasn’t a good thing.”

I followed her into the kitchen and took a seat.

“So what is my father up to?” I said, already knowing it had something to do with him.

“Jessica, my name is Daniel. I am the District Attorney. I received a call from a man concerning your safety. The man works for the mob, your father is working for them now. The man that contacted me was hired to kidnap you and take you to your father. I met with the man earlier today, and he has no intention of following though with his orders. He is afraid that if he doesn’t follow through, someone else will and I agree with him.”

I sat there in shock hardly able to believe that this was happening. I knew my dad was capable of doing many things, but going to the mob? It was just so hard for me to believe it, but it had to be true if Daniel was here.

“What are my options?” I asked Daniel

“I’m afraid there aren’t many options Jessica. We can’t go to the local police because some of the police force have been compromised. I’ve contacted the RCMP, and they are willing to step in. The real problem is that there is more going on here then just you Jessica. The people we’re dealing with are dangerous, and they won’t stop coming for you until they succeed. The only sure way to put an end to things is to arrest your father and a man named Vincent. He is the main man that is behind everything.”

I thought for a few moment and realized where this was all leading, “You want to use me as bait, don’t you?” I asked.

Daniel nodded, “I am sorry, Jessica, but I can see no other way.”

I’d never really be free to live my life, not while I had this threat hanging over my head.   I wasn’t naive enough to believe that they wouldn’t go after my family to get to me. This really left me one choice, I had to protect my family, and to do that there was only one course of action, I had to let them take me to my Dad and hope the police would step in before something bad happened.

I turned to Daniel. “I have no real choice here, do I?”

“This problem isn’t going to go away, Jessica. There really is only one course of action and that is to let the kidnapping take place. The man that will be taking you, his name is Rocco, is the one that contacted me because he didn’t want to follow though with the kidnapping.” Daniel told me.

“This Rocco, can we trust him?” I asked

“I believe that we can. If this plan fails, he’ll likely end up dead. If things go as planned he’ll most likely be the one taking Vincent’s place and running the organization. Most of what is going on is his plan.”

“If they take me how are you going to know where I am going to be?”

“The RCMP is going to place a tracer on you that way they will know you location at all times, and you will be wearing a bug. They will be able to hear everything. You shouldn’t be in any danger Jessica. The police will move in quickly after Rocco brings you to your father.” Daniel said.

I looked at Mom and Dad, “I have to do this it’s the only way to ever really be free of my father.”

“We know, baby.” Dad said, putting his arms around me.

I looked over at Daniel. “When do we start?”

“Tomorrow after school, we’ll need to make it look real. Rocco will shoot you with a dart and you need to pretend that it knocks you out. When he grabs you, put up a little fight and make it look real, then pretend to pass out. He will then put you in the car and drive away. The RCMP will already be at the school watching everything and they’ll follow closely behind using the tracer to follow you.”

“Alright, I’ll be ready.” I said, nervously.

“I’m sorry that you have to go through this, Jessica. If there was any other way . . .” Daniel apologized.

“It’s not your fault; I have a fruitcake for a father.” I said sadly.

 

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Chapter 57

 

Daniel left shortly after explaining the plan to me. He needed to call Rocco and discuss all the details. Everything needed to be perfect for this plan to work. When the OPP arrived, there would be plenty of witnesses and word would get back to Vincent that the kidnapping had taking place.

If you were to ask me how I slept that night, I would have to say that I really didn’t get much sleep at all. I was flooded with wave after wave of nightmares and they were all about things that could go wrong.

I eventually gave up on trying to sleep at all. I walked over, picked up dad’s guitar and brought it over to my bed. I started just playing randomly. Music has always been relaxing to me, and at the moment my mind was working in overdrive.

So as I played, my mind started to relax a little. I found that there was a song starting to form inside my mind as I played. I took a note pad and start writing down the chords. It took me awhile for the song to completely form, but I eventually managed to write it down.

It was one of those songs that just had to come out. It came from the heart, it was the born from the pain that I had suffered at the hands of my father, and the hatred that I harbored towards him. I called it “Done trying.”

“I used to dream that you would love me

But all I found was despair.

I tried so hard to please you

God I tried, tried, tried

How many times, have I tried for you to love me?

I’m so tired of trying. I just want to be me. But that’s not good enough for you

You say this hurt you more than me, then why am I wearing your scars?

Why am I the one crying, why can’t you just love me.

They say love is unconditional, yeah right, live my life!

I’m done lying.

I’m done crying

But most of all, I’m done trying

I don’t need your pain.

I’ll be who I want to be

I won’t let you hurt me anymore.”

I felt better after venting my anger through the song and headed back to bed and did manage to sleep though the rest of the night.   I was awakened at around 7am by Mom to get ready for school.

Breakfast was pretty quiet. Nobody really spoke much, but we were all thinking the same thing. I took a deep breath and broke the silence.

“Everything is going to be alright, I know you’re all scared, and I’m scared too. I can handle this. I have too much to live for to let them win. Whatever happens, I’m going to need you guys to be there when this is over with.” I said frowning.

Mom came over and took me in her arms. “We’re just worried honey. I know you can handle it, but you mean so much to us all.”

I couldn’t help it, and started crying as I hugged Mom, “I love you guys so much, please remember that.”

It wasn’t long before all of use where pretty much crying, even Dad. None of us wanted to be apart from one another and if there was another way, I’d have taken it, but there was no other way.

At 8am the door bell rang, and Dad went to answer it. When he came back, there were two plain clothes officers with him carrying a suitcase. They spent the next 15 minutes explaining everything. They gave me a necklace, and inside it was a mic that would allow them to hear everything, and a tracer so that they knew where I was at all times. There was also an area on it that opened that had a picture on it, the police officer said if I opened it, they would receive a panic alert. After everything was setup the both of them left and I went back to eating my breakfast, not wanting to think about what was going to happen later in the day.

After breakfast, Megan and I headed off to school, mom wanted to drive us but I couldn’t bear seeing her breakdown again and I needed to be strong if I was going to pull this off, Megan and I stopped and picked up Jennifer along the way and let her in on the plan, she was one of my closest friends and there was no way I wasn’t going to tell her. She took the news pretty hard and was definitely worried about something going wrong, and to be honest, so was I. I refused to talk about it, because it only made things worse.

I was also worried about if I should tell Scotty or not, he was pretty much my boyfriend but I was afraid that he would interfere. After talking it over with Megan and Jennifer they agreed that people sometimes do things without thinking when their emotions take control, so it was agreed that they would tell him afterwards.   It was the best way too, as much as I loved him, I couldn’t risk him getting in the way.

 

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After arriving at school I went to my home room for attendance and headed off to math class. I did my best to concentrate on my work, which wasn’t easy considering I had the awful nagging feeling that something was going to go wrong. It was likely just my mind playing tricks on me. but knowing that fact still didn’t help put my mind at ease.

The morning seemed to take forever to pass, but soon it was lunchtime and I found myself in the cafeteria waiting in line. I order a chicken salad sandwich and a diet coke. I made my way across the room and joined Megan and Jennifer at our normal table. Everyone else started pouring in and soon the table was full, Scotty arrived late as usual and met me with a hug and kiss.

“How’s my girl?” He said with a smile.

“I’m doing fine, but someone forgot to call me last night”. I said frowning.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Mom and Dad were on the phone most of the night, and by the time they finished, I figured it was a little late to call. I would have used my cell but the battery went dead on it.” Scotty said.

“Alright, I’ll forgive you this time, honey, but don’t let it happen again”, I said with a smile.

Britney and Natasha caught me up on the latest juicy bits of gossip, not that I’d really know who they were talking about. To be honest, I knew who they were talking about but being “new” to the area, I had to pretend that I didn’t. Every now and then they would point out who certain people were. I had no doubt that after today people would be talking about me as well.

After the bell rang telling students to return to class, Megan asked me how I was doing as we made our way back to home room.

“Alright I guess, I just wish it was over with, it’s the waiting that’s the worst part.”

“I know what you mean. I haven’t been able to think of anything else since mom talked to me last night.”

“Yeah I feel the same way” Jennifer said frowning.

“Another couple of hours to go.” I said. I hoped I didn’t sound as nervous as I felt.

 

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The rest of the afternoon went by the same way as the morning had . . . slowly. When the final bell for the day rang, I looked over at Megan and Jennifer and smiled. I felt like I was walking down death row as the three of us made our way through the hallway. After reaching the gym, I smiled.

“I guess this is your stop.” I knew the girls had cheerleading. I had decided not to attend last night because the plan was pretty time sensitive and every minute pretty much counted.

The three of us said our goodbye and I received a hug from Jennifer and Megan. Megan wiped a tear from her eyes, “Come home soon Little sister. I love you, Jessica, remember that.”

“I will,” I said fighting back my tears, walking away knowing I had to be strong.

As I made my way towards the sidewalk, I looked around and didn’t see anyone. I wondered if something went wrong, but I kept walking towards home. Then out of nowhere I feel a jab in my back and two arms trying to grab hold of me. I try fighting him off, but he’s really strong. Then a car pulls up beside us and as I slowly allow my body to go limp, he forces me into the back seat of the car and climbs in beside me closing the door and the driver puts the car into drive and starts driving me to God know where.

 

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“Are you alright, Jessica?” asked the man that grabbed me.

“Yeah, just a little shaken up.” I said. “Are you Rocco?”

“Yeah I’m Rocco, and the guy driving us is Adrian.”

“What now?” I asked.

“We have to change cars, and then we’ll take you to your father. Don’t worry, you’re safe with us.” Rocco said.

“Rocco what is going on? We’re supposed to grab Andrew Roberts, not this girl.”

“Andrew and Jessica, they’re both the same person Adrian, that’s why it appeared that Andrew dropped off the face of the earth.” Rocco told him.

“What’s this all about? Why are you dressed like a girl?” Adrian asked, confused

“I’ve always been a girl. I have a rare medical condition that the doctors missed when I was younger.” I explained.

“Damn, that’s crazy.” Adrian said, shaking his head.

“Yeah, try seeing it from my point of view.” I said frowning.

Adrian pulled into an alley and parked the car. There was a van waiting for us, and after climbing out of the car, the three of us made our way over to the parked van. Once there, Rocco pulled opened the door and as he did there were two guys inside. That was when he felt the shaft of a gun pressing into his back and the two guys both had their guns drawn and pointed.

“Sorry old friend, but I’m a dead man if I cross Vincent.” Adrian said

The two men inside the van grabbed me, I tried fighting but they were just too strong and pulled me inside the van.

Adrian then took Rocco’s gun and made him step away from the van.

”It didn’t have to be this way Rocco, believe me. I take no pleasure in doing this but it’s Vincent’s orders.” He said as he fired two shots into Rocco’s chest.

Rocco hit the ground hard and wasn’t moving, Adrian turned to the guys in the van. “She has a tracker on her and a bug, find it fast.”

One of the guys pulled out a box that had a wand on it and ran it over me until it started beeping. He ripped off my necklace and threw it on the ground, next to where Rocco was laying.

  “Got it.” the man said, while the other used duct tape to secure my hands and feet, then placed a piece over my mouth making it impossible for me to call for help, I was finally blindfolded and then felt the van pull away. As I laid there I found myself crying out to God, Please help me.

 

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End of Part 23

To be continued in part 24

---

Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 24

By, Cain129

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

---

Synopsis:   Things go from bad to worse for Jessica. A plan was made for her to be kidnapped by Rocco and Adrian, and the police were supposed to be there to make the arrests. Adrian double crossed Rocco, leaving him for dead and took Jessica with him.   Jessica’s only hope is to escape before her father has a chance to follow through with his plans for her.

 

Chapter 58

 

I lay on the floor on the stinking van, unable to move, my hands and legs had been tied tightly together, and the blindfold made it impossible for me to see anything. I had this feeling of despair. I knew that there was nothing that I could do for now. My only hope was to play along with my captors until I had a chance to get away.

I could hear one of the guys. “What’s with the girl Adrian? I thought that we were grabbing a boy.”

“That is the boy or at least she was a boy. I don’t even know what to believe here, I see a girl, she said that something about a medical condition that made her appear to be a boy. Either way, it’s not important, all that matters is we have Andrew Roberts.” Adrian said, shaking his head.

The worst part was not having any idea where they were taking me. There wasn’t much else that I could do, at least at the moment. I tried to calm my nerves and tuned out the sound of the men that were in the van, and listened to the other sounds around me. I had no idea if this was going to work or not, but I could think of nothing else that I could do.

Eventually I could hear a train in the distance and then the sound of water flowing from a brook or a river. I felt a bump in the road, then the ground we were driving on was smooth. About a minute later, there was another bump. I thought to myself that we just crossed a bridge

Most of the drive I could hear the sound of cars passing us and the sound of big trucks, so I knew we had to be on the highway. Eventually we left the highway and we were no longer driving on pavement, I could tell just by the feeling that we were driving on a gravel road, maybe an old logging road. I estimated that we had been on the highway for atleast a half hour to forty five minutes, then there was a strong smell of manure, I reasoned that we had to be near a dairy farm.   The smell lasted for about 10 minutes.

I could feel that the van was turning onto another road then it drove for another few minutes and I could hear the sound of water again. I thought it had to be another brook or maybe a stream leading into a lake. A few minutes later the van came to a stop and I heard the sound of the engine shutting off. I guess that we had finally arrived.

The next thing I knew, I felt the side door being pulled open and I was being pulled out and carried into a building, then I heard a sound that just made me cringe. It was my dad’s voice. Whoever was holding me sat me down on a chair.

”What the fuck is this? You were supposed to bring my son, not some stupid fucking bitch.” Dad said harshly

“This is your son”, Adrian said

“I felt the blind fold being removed, and when I could finally see, all I saw was my dad staring right at me.”

He looked at me and what I saw was pure evil. He then turned to Adrian. “Yes, I can see that now. You’ve done your job, I’d like sometime alone to talk to my son, daughter or whatever the fuck this is.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Adrian and his goons left, I was now alone with my father. He just shook his head.

“Looking at you makes me sick, my son dressed like a fucking girl. I don’t know what you are but you are no kid of mine.” Dad said, then he slapped me across the face so hard that I fell out of the chair and onto the floor.

I wanted to scream at him and tell him how much that I hated him but the gag in my mouth prevented me from saying anything.   He then came over to me. “You want to be a little bitch, I will treat you like one!”

He then grabbed a hand full of my hair and started dragging me across the floor,

opened a drawer, pulled out a chain and wrapped it around my neck.

He used a padlock to secure it around my neck and took another one and wrapped the chain around one of the support beams and used another lock to secure it. All I could do was just lay on the floor unable to move. Dad left me like that as he grabbed a beer from a cooler then went outside.

I tried my best to try to get into a sitting position, and eventually I was able to sit up, leaning up against the beam I was chained to. I looked around for anything that I could use to free myself, but there was nothing within reach that I could use to cut the tape away. I would have to keep my wits and wait for the right time. I just hoped that I could hold him off until I could get away. I really wasn’t counting on the police for help, as they had no idea where I was being held.

A little while later Dad came inside, grabbed another beer, then grabbed a knife and started walking towards me. I was scared to death. Was this it, was he really going to kill me? He grabbed me by my wrists and cut the tape that was holding my hands together, then did the same with my feet I could now at least move. I reached up and pulled the gag out of my mouth.

He took a seat across from me. “Why are you dressed like this, Andrew?”

“Do you remember those cramps that I was complaining to Mom about? They

  were more then just cramps, Dad. I had a medical condition that the doctors missed, I’ve always been a girl, and the cramps were the start of my period. “

“That’s bullshit, Andrew; you forget I used to change you. I know what you have down below.” Dad said and took another drink of his beer.

“Yes, Dad, I did have a penis that was useless, when they did the x-rays, they   found that I was really a girl, I can even have a baby.”

“I don’t believe it Andrew. This is just another one of your stupid games and I’m tired of them. I lost everything because of you, and believe me you are going to pay for everything you have taken from me.” Jake said, taking another drink.

I thought hard for a few minutes, trying to think of something I could say. I needed to buy myself some time. He wasn’t drunk yet, and it was possible to reason with him, at least for now anyway.

“Dad, I didn’t do anything to you. I loved you and believe me, I tried to be the person you wanted me to be. I wanted more then anything for you to be proud of me, but look at me! I’m a girl, and I have always been.   I never asked for any of this. I used to pray to God every night that he would make me normal like everyone else but this is the real me. I could have tried for a million years to be the person you wanted me to be, but the results still would have been the same.”

“I still remember the good times Dad, you weren’t always like this. I used to love spending time with you, but then you started drinking again and things changed. You changed, the father that I loved was gone and in his place was someone that didn’t love or accept me. I did everything that I could think of and tried my best.

God, I hated sports and I hated hunting and fishing, but I did it because I wanted to be with you, Dad. I know that I‘m a disappointment, and not the child you wanted, but I have always loved you and I would have done anything to have you feel the same way. I guess I understand why you feel the way you do. There are times that I can’t even stand looking in the mirror, because of who I am. Why do you think that I tried to take my own life, Dad? It was because of you and Mom, I couldn’t stand hurting the two of you any longer, but just like everything else I screwed that up to! ” I said, crying.

“How would your taking your life be best for your mother and I?” Dad asked, confused.

“Dad the two of us used to workout a lot, and I could never put on muscle and it wasn’t from lack of trying. I toned up and was in great shape but then other things started happening to me and I didn’t understand it at the time. My hips started filling out and I started growing breasts. I tried to talk to Mom about it, but she wouldn’t listen. I was too ashamed to come to you and then the cramps started, and I told Mom about it, but she kept brushing it off, saying that it was just gas.

I didn’t know what to do Dad, then when I went to school and had gym class everyone was making fun of me, and when I came to you for help, you told me I had to fight my own battles. I couldn’t fight back, they were so much bigger than me. When I tried standing up to them, it just made things worse. Things might have been different for me, if I had seen a doctor before I became a teenager, the medical condition could have been treated with hormones. By the time they figured it out, it was too late. My body was too far gone to ever become a man.”, I said sadly.

Dad sat there thinking. “What you are saying does explain a lot Andrew. There’s still one problem. Because of the suicide attempt, the police are looking for me and I will likely end up in jail if they catch me.”

“Dad, why would you end up in jail? Whatever might have happened between us, you’re still my father and I would never do anything that would hurt you like that. I know everything that you did was because you were trying to help me. You did nothing wrong, and I will tell them that. I just want us to be a family again, that is if you can accept me like this. I can’t go back, it’s too late for that.”

“It’s not that easy Andrew, the police wouldn’t understand.”

“Daddy, could you do something for me?” I said with a smile.

“What?”

“I know my name is Andrew but since I can’t go back to being a boy, I had to pick another name. I am Jessica now.”

“That’s your Grandmother’s name.” Dad said referring to his mother.

“I know, that’s why I chose it. I figured if I had to be a girl then I would choose something appropriate.”

“You know, you look a little like her.” Dad said as he took another drink.

“Really?” I said, a bit surprised.

“Yeah, except for the hair, she was a redhead.” Dad said.

“So, does this make you happy?” Dad said, referring to me being a girl

“I’ve been a girl most of my life so that part is easy. It’s other things that are hard.”

“I guess people are the problem more then anything. There seems to be line between the two sexes, like boys are expected to act one way while girls are expected to react differently, and I really get mixed up sometime. It’s hard to change, especially things you’ve done all your life.”

Dad looked like he was thinking about what I had told him. I decided to try something, just to see how far I could actually push things.

I looked around the room, the cabin was a complete mess. “I guess cleaning was Mom’s department.”

“Yeah, I was never that good at taking care of the cleaning or cooking.” Dad said as he took another drink.

I looked at him. “When was the last time you had something to eat?”

“Maybe yesterday?” He said.

“Damn it Dad, you shouldn’t be drinking on an empty stomach! Are you hungry? I’m

not as good a cook as Mom is, but I can cook.”

“There’s no food, I have to do some shopping.”

I shook my head and smiled. “How did you ever get by without Mom?”

He smiled. “She was always good at taking care of things, she would sure be surprised if she saw you now.” Dad said.

I could tell that Dad was missing her, and figured that I could try using that to my advantage. “She misses you, too, Dad.”

“How would you know?”

“I kind of had a run in with her at the hospital the other day.”

“How is she doing?” Dad asked.

“She blamed me at first for your leaving, but the two of us talked and I told her the same things that I just told you. At first she didn’t believe me either, but I asked my doctor to talk to her. Once she talked to the doctor and actually saw the x-rays herself, she seemed to understand. She also told me about what Granddad did to her and I wished you would have killed the bastard.”

“Believe me Jessica, I wanted to, but your mother was always the smart one and talked me out of it.” Dad said. “I guess that maybe, I should make a run into town and get some food.”

“Are you sure that you’re alright to drive?”

“Yeah, I’ve only had a few beers, and we need some food.”

He stood up and started heading to the door. “Dad, before you go, could you at least move me over to the chair, this is really uncomfortable.”

“Alright Jessica. If you’re good, I’ll let you out of those chains when I get back.”   He said with a smile.

After Dad moved me over to the chair, he helped me up and I felt a little better. I waited for him to leave and heard the sound of his car leaving. I knew that I had maybe an hour or two before he returned. I looked around the room for anything that I could reach, but came up empty. I would have to wait and hope I had a chance later when he let me loose. I’d continue playing this game, even though given a choice right now, I would gladly put a bullet though his head.

 

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Chapter 59

 

Rocco let out a light moan. “Shit this hurts!”   He said as he touched his chest.

He looked at his watch, he’d been out for about 20 minutes. He grabbed his cell phone and dialed a number.

“Hey Wayne, everything went as expected. Is the trace still active?”

“Yes, it’s still active and we can move in anytime.”

“Meet me at O’Malley’s in 20 minute,” Rocco said, ending the call

As Rocco made his way over to O’Malley’s, he called Daniel’s cell phone.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Word had already started to circulate within the organization about Rocco’s betrayal, causing ripples between the family, between his supports and the people that were backing Vincent.   Adrian arrived at Vincent’s compound to collect the money the Vincent owed him for kidnapping Andrew Roberts, he had no problem entering the compound.

Neither did his friends, who just happened to be plain clothes police officers. They followed him inside, after taking out the goon that was watching the gate.

The good thing about Vincent’s people was they could be bought off pretty easy, as was the case of Jane Taylor. Her job was to watch the surveillance cameras that were posted all over the compound. Her changing sides was an easy choice,

because she and Adrian were an item. Adrian pretty much walked into Vincent’s home with no opposition and made his way into Vincent’s study, while his men took up positions to provide cover once Vincent’s men arrived.

Adrian knocked on the door, until Vincent said he could enter, then went inside and took a seat across from Vincent.

“I assume that everything went as planned?” Vincent said with a smile.

“Yeah, Andrew is with his father, and I took care of Rocco, personally.”

“You should have seen the look on Rocco’s face. He didn’t expect me to turn on him, but you wanted me to kidnap the boy and I did as you wished. Now all that is left is the payment.”

“It couldn’t have been easy for you to take out Rocco. He was like a father to you.” Vincent said with a frown.

“Yes it was tough, and I seriously thought about backing out and joining him, but I made a promise to your father when I became part of the family and I won’t let

any man tear it down. Rocco made the same promise and chose to break it. He got what he deserved, if you ask me.” Adrian said, without feeling.

Vincent handed Adrian an envelope that was full of cash. Adrian took it and placed it into his pocket. “So what do you think is going to happen to the kid?” Adrian said, concerned.

“The kid, he’ll most likely end up dead, but that’s not our concern. Our job was to bring the child to his father, and the job is done.” Vincent said with a smile.

“That’s all I needed to hear.” Adrian pulled out his gun and pointed it at Vincent. “I have a message for you Vincent.”

  “Rocco Says Hi!” Adrian opened fire on Vincent, shooting him twice in the head.

The sound of the gunfire causes Vincent’s men to come running, but they are quickly taken out by Rocco’s men. Adrian then walks over and fires off another gun and places the gun into Vincent’s hand.

After the commotion in the study is over, a couple of police officers come running in the room. “What happened?”

“Vincent tried to shoot me, but I was faster.” Adrian said with a smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Jake returned he had a few bags of food and placed it on the table, then looked over at me, like if he was trying to make up his mind. “I’m going to let you loose, but if you give me any trouble, you’re going to regret it, do you understand?”

“I will be good Daddy, I promise.”

“Alright.” he said, walking over. He removed the chain that was wrapped around my neck.

“Now that I was finally free, I turned to him. “Do you want me to cook supper?”

“Go ahead.” he said, taking another beer out of the cooler.

I went over to the kitchen and looked at the wood stove. I turned to him. “Do we have any wood, Daddy?”

“Yeah.” He said, then walked over to the front door and opened it. While he was outside on the step, I looked and found a knife and grabbed the duct tape that was on the floor. It had been attached to my feet and I quickly taped it under the chair I had been sitting on.  

I walked over to the door and saw Dad carrying some wood. As I looked outside I

could see I was right, the cabin was next to a lake. Once he reached the door I grabbed a bunch of the wood from him then put it in the stove, as he carried the rest over by the window and set it on the floor. He then came over and lit the fire.

With the stove heating up, I walked over to the window and looked out. The place was actually quiet beautiful. If I wasn’t here with my father, I think that I would really enjoy coming to a place like this. I looked over and saw Dad looking at me funny.

“What?” I said.

“Nothing, I was just thinking how much you look like your Grandmother, when she was your age.”

I have never met my Grandmother. She died before I was born, but I had seen pictures of her, and he was right, I did look like her a bit.

“What was Grandma like?” I asked.

“Dad thought a minute, then took another drink. “She was like your mother in many ways. Your grandfather and her married when they were 19 years old and they were together for 50 years.   That’s something you don’t see anymore, most marriages fall apart theses days.” Dad said sadly.

“Mom still loves you, Dad. She’s in the hospital mostly because of what Granddad did to her, not because of you. Since you left she’s had to stand on her own and has been having a rough time with things. I think she is getting better now, when I talked to her, she told me a lot of things.”

“What did she tell you?” Dad asked.

“I think she likes the idea of having a daughter, because she would have never told me these things when I was living as Andrew. She has been holding everything that happened and how she tried pretending it never happened. It made her really sick. Before, she had you to lean on, and she knew you would protect her. After you left, she didn’t have anyone to help her, and she was forced to stand on her own two feet. I think what happened was hard for her, but she is getting help now and seems to be getting better now.”

I then took a knife and started peeling some potatoes and onions. When I was done, I took out a frying pan and pictured myself hitting him over the head with it.   Instead, I placed it on the stove and placed a couple of steaks inside it along with the onions. I put the potatoes into a pot with some water and put it on the stove and let everything start cooking.

I poured myself a glass of water out of the jug, then walked over and joined Dad on the couch, not really wanting to be close to him, but I had to show him that I still loved and cared about him.

“Supper should be ready in about a half hour.” I said, taking a drink of my water.

“That should be fine. I’m   actually a little hungry.”      

“You should be, since you haven’t eaten since yesterday.” I said frowning “You need to start taking care of yourself, Daddy.” I then got up and started cleaning the place, not that I really wanted to, but it would give me something to do.

You don’t have to do that, Jessica.” Dad said.

“Someone has to, Daddy, Mom’s not here to do it.” I picked up one of the empty pizza boxes, after opening it I could see it was all moldy. I chucked it into a garbage bag and continued working.”

Dad started laughing, I looked over at him. “What’s so funny?”

“I was just thinking how much you sound like your mother right now.” Dad said.

I laughed. I hated to admit it, but he was actually right.   I remember Mom telling him the same things as I had just said.

I smiled. “I guess you’re right, Daddy, I never noticed until you mentioned it.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

Rocco was waiting at Wayne’s place when his phone rang. It was Adrian.

“How did it go?” asked Rocco.

“Everything went as planned and the police got everything on tape.” Adrian said.

“And Vincent?” Rocco asked.

“Let’s just say he was killed when the police raided that place.” Adrian said

“Good, let’s leave it that way. I want you to contact the rest of the family. Tell them what just happened, and tell them I’m taking Vincent’s place. Setup a meeting with everyone for Monday morning please, Adrian.”

“Alright Rocco, I'll start making the calls.” Adrian said

“Adrian, next time I get you to shoot me, remind me to wear two vests. I feel like I just got in a fight with Mike Tyson and lost.”

“Don’t blame me Rocco, it was your idea.” Adrian said laughing

After Rocco got off the phone he called Daniel and gave him the location of where Jessica was. Wayne being the electronic genius that he was, he had implanted a tracker inside the dart that they had shot Jessica with. They were just waiting for Adrian to take care of his part of the plan, so that Jake couldn’t depend on Vincent for help. Now with Vincent dead, Jessica would finally be safe.

 

Chapter 60

 

After finishing up supper, I was busy doing up the dishes while my father sat on the couch, looking pretty content after having a decent meal. I was busy playing the perfect daughter and taking care of him. The plan was to wait until he was drunk, that way I could make an escape, so I kept bringing him a cold beer every time he started running low. The place now was completely cleaned up.

I turned to Dad. “Do you think we could go outside and get some fresh air?”

The two of us got up. I noticed that Dad was starting to really feel the results of drinking most of the day, and was have trouble walking. I put my arm around him to help guide him. The two of us were outside and took a seat on the small deck. I looked around. “I like it here Daddy, it looks familiar.” I said, being honest.

“It should, you were here before, but you were really young. That’s why you don’t remember, your mother and I brought you here. I had some time off work and we spent the summer here. Your mother was terrified of that lake. She was afraid you would end up drowning in it.” Dad said with a smile.

“I think I remember now, I was like 6 years old.” I said smiling. “You and Uncle James spent the day on the lake fishing, and I was still really young, but I want to go with you really bad.   Mom wouldn’t let me, but you talked her into letting me go. I had that lifejacket that was too big for me, and you used duct tape to make it stay on me.” I said laughing.

Dad shook his head. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

I smiled. “I had so much fun that day with you, I never wanted the day to end.”

“Those were better days. Things seemed to make sense back then.” Dad said, taking another drink. “Where has the time gone?”

“I know what you mean, Dad, things were better back then. It seems the older you get, the more complicated life becomes.” I said seriously.

“Yeah, it seems that way.” He said.

“Do you ever wish you could go back?. I know that I sure do.” I said.

“All the time Jessica, there are so many things I wish that I could do over again, but life doesn’t give you that option. You have to live with the things you have done.” Dad said.

“You might not be able to do anything about the past, Dad, but there is always the future. I know you don’t want to hurt me. Maybe at first, but not now. I love you, Dad and as for what happened in the past, can’t we just leave it there?   I am so tired of living in the past, and I just want to start over and live my life. If the police find us something might go wrong, and I don’t want to loose you.” I said, sadly

Dad looked at me. “What am I supposed to do? I can’t just let you go, can I?”

“Daddy, you don’t have to, I don’t want to go. I want to stay with you and mom. We can just pack our bags, leave and start over. I know it will be hard starting over but we can be a family again and I know Mom will want this as much as I do, Daddy.” I said, hamming it up.

Dad sat there and took another drink of his beer, “It could be arranged.” Dad said, thinking aloud. “I know someone that could take care of it for a cost.”

“Then do it Dad. It’s the only way, then we can get Mom.” I said with a smile.

Dad nodded, and then took another drink of his beer, “I’m still not sure I can trust you.” He said, looking right at me.

“Have I ever lied to you?” I said, pouting.

He thought about it for a minute. “No I guess you haven’t.”

“Then why would I start now, if I wanted to leave Daddy, I could have before. All I would have had to do is run into the woods.” I said trying to prove my point

“I can’t do anything until morning anyway” dad said flatly, “I’ll make the call in the morning.”

I looked at his beer and was going to go inside and get some water anyway, I stood up and turned towards the door. “I’m getting something to drink, do you want another beer while I’m up, Daddy?”

“Sure grab me one.” He said.

“I went inside, feeling a little relieved. I knew for the moment that I was safe. I didn’t think he would try anything now. I grabbed a beer and poured myself a glass of water then joined him on the step.

Just as I reached my father, all hell broke out and I could hear yelling coming from the woods. It was the police. Dad grabbed hold of me and held me in front of him.

“Jake let her go!   You’re surrounded!” Someone said, but I couldn’t make anyone out.

“I am not going back to jail!” Jake screamed back. I could feel Dad’s grip on me was shaky at best.

“Dad, please let me go, they’re going to shoot you if you don’t. I don’t want to loose you, please don’t make me watch you die!” I said crying.

“I knew that I could break free, but if I did they were going to shoot him, I didn’t want to see him die, even after everything he had done to me. He was my father and I still cared about him.

It was sick, I know,   but it was also true.

“Daddy, Please!” I said crying.

“I’m sorry, Jessica.” He said, pushing me off the steps then drew his gun at the police and before he could get a shot off he was plumbed by a barrages of bullets. I screamed and ran over to where my dad was laying, he was still alive. I took his hand. “WHY!” I said crying loudly

“Jessica, I was a monster. I didn’t understand, please forgive me?” He said, crying.

“I wrapped my arms around him and held him. “I forgive you Daddy!” I said crying, as he died in my arms.

 

[-][+][-]

 

I was taken to the police station where Mom and Dad were waiting for me. I was an emotional basket case and found myself in their arms within seconds. After the police took my statement, I was finally free to go home with Mom and Dad. Once I arrived home, I felt completely numb inside. Both Megan and Jennifer met me with a hug but I just couldn’t be around people. I headed off to my bedroom, shut the door behind me and pretty much cried myself to sleep.

[-][+][-]

 

The End

To be continued in season two !!!