"There's something you need to know about Emily..."

In the year 2404, America is no more. In a land ruled by the oppressive theocracy known as the Dominion of Divinity, being gay is a capital offense, adultery is punished with the lash, women are forbidden to work, and forced marriages are common.

Fifteen-year-old Emily La Rouche faces an impossible choice. On her sixteenth birthday, she will be forced to marry Jonathan Marsh, the son of her landlord. If she refuses, her family will lose everything. If she takes his hand, it is certain that her life will end by a hangman's noose in front of an angry mob. All because Emily has been hiding an enormous secret for years-she was born a boy. As the wedding approaches, Emily's parents realize the only way that she will be safe is if she is to escape the Dominion.

With her brother Aaron at her side, Emily flees across post-apocalyptic America in search for a new home. With vile bounty hunters on her trail, only time will tell if Emily will ever find a place where she can live and breathe free as the person she was always meant to be.

Chapter I

April 4

Ma once told me that God watches over everyone. I wish I could still believe that. But with the arrival of the New Year, I am becoming acutely aware that I’m on my own.

It’s only four weeks until my sixteenth birthday and my wedding day. I am so frustrated with this whole arrangement, because even though I am the bride-to-be, I have no say in this marriage. I never chose to marry Jonathan Marsh. We don’t even like each other. Yet his father foolishly forced this engagement on us when we were only children. It was when he took our family’s land.

I fear for my safety–so much so that I am having trouble sleeping at night. The nightmares of my married life haunt my exhausted mind. Ma and Pa keep reassuring me that everything will work out fine and that this wedding will be canceled, but I don’t believe that anymore. All these years they have been promising that this day would never come, and yet here we are, only twenty-eight days away from it.

With so little time left, it seems like such a waste of an afternoon to spend it in church. But our routine isn’t going to change on my account. Ma is so stubborn that she’s not only making us go to the New Year services, but she is also making us adhere to the traditional fast that comes with it. My God, I am starving! I haven’t eaten since supper last night, and I would do almost anything for a little bread. I realize our ancestors didn’t have a lot of food during Divine Retribution, but it’s absurd to insist that we should fast, especially when we already live on the brink of starvation. I know Ma is trying to be a good Christian, but I really don’t believe that eating a few vegetables or scraps of meat will land us in hell.

Out of all the church services in a year, Divine Retribution has to be the hardest to get through. Today, while people celebrate the birth of the Dominion, all I can do is mourn. I mourn for the death of America–and for the death of freedom, and a place where I couldn’t be bought and sold like an animal, and a place I could be safe.

If God is watching over me, he’s the only one who can save me from the future.

A knock came at the door, and Emily La Rouche looked up from her diary. “Are you almost ready?” her mother called.
Emily set her pen on the nightstand next to her. “Just about,” she called back. She set her diary aside and reached down for her necklace. Her necklace was an old American quarter dollar that she had been lucky enough to find when she was a child. Her father had punctured it and threaded it with a length of twine in order to keep her older brother, Aaron, from taking it. She lifted her auburn hair and tied the necklace around her neck. Emily got up from her bed. She pressed down the sides of her long, slate-gray dress and joined her family in the eating room.

Within twenty minutes, the family was ready to go, and they all made their way to the horse-drawn wagon that waited outside. Her parents took their usual places at the front. Aaron hopped on the back and extended his hand to help her up. As soon as she was seated, he lapsed into an irritated silence.

It was the first time that Aaron was returning to Seaton since he had received ten lashes in the town square for the crime of adultery. As they drew nearer to town, Emily could sense his anger rising. She couldn’t understand why her mother was making them go to church today. She wanted to curse the weather. Had it been raining, the roads would’ve been too muddy to traverse, and they would’ve had to stay home.

Emily let the thought go as they reached the sprawling tenements of the only city she had ever truly known. The poor quarters of the city of Seaton stretched for almost two miles around the center of town, where the cathedral stood. Every time she passed through the tenements, she couldn’t help wondering if life was like this everywhere. Did everybody live in rotten houses of decaying wood and tin that reeked of human waste? Were there always hoards of barefoot children who went to bed each night with empty stomachs?

As if to answer her question, a man-sized poster caught her eye. It featured a stout, well-fed young man, smiling, with a caption that boasted: “Three square meals a day, guaranteed! Join the army of God.”

She placed her hands on her abdomen as her stomach growled. There was no way to escape hunger’s clutches; it had pervaded throughout her life, and it was the sole reason that David Marsh had been able to take over her family’s land and force her to marry his son.

But, unlike the people of the tenements, her family had a safety net to catch them in times of absolute desperation. She might be hungry, but she’d never starve. She might get sick, but there would be medicine; she might be in need, but she’d at least have clothes. David Marsh would always provide the basic minimum necessities–just as long as she made it to the altar.

The dirt roads gave way to brick-lined streets, and the slums of the outer city were replaced by the manors and mansions of Seaton’s elite. At last the cathedral came into view. The building was adorned with dozens of flags that symbolized the Dominion. The flags, white banners bearing a dominating golden cross over the smaller, blood-red continents of man, fluttered majestically in the morning breeze.

Even though they were early for the morning services, there were crowds of people gathered around the entrance of the cathedral. Aside from Christmas and Easter, the New Year celebration of Divine Retribution was the most-attended service of the year. At this time the cathedral would be filled with people who rarely attended services.

Emily left her family to go and secure the horses, and then she made her way to the crowded cathedral. Her mother had charged her with finding them a seat. Given how crowded it was today, that could be a difficult task. Last year she had had to sit by a complete stranger, because they had arrived late and there hadn’t been enough space to sit together as a family.

The crowd gathered in front of the cathedral did not thin out as she walked inside. There were fifty rows of two pews on each side of the nave, but it seemed that the only space that wasn’t occupied was the narrow aisle she was standing in. Emily frowned and scanned the nave once more. It was there she found a space, on the left side, five rows up, that would be just large enough for her family to squeeze into.

Emily claimed the space, which her family filled a few minutes later. When everyone had been seated, Emily felt an awkward silence creep around her. She glanced at the man in front of her, who made a point to look away as she made eye contact. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the man next to her staring at her brother. Emily glanced at Aaron, who cast a fierce scowl at the man until he looked away. She tensed up; she was surrounded by the very people who had cheered during her brother’s lashing. Coming to church today had been such an awful idea, and she longed for the service to begin, so it would block out the sea of gossip that flowed around her.

“All rise for the coming of the Lord!” boomed the aging voice of Bishop Joseph Aldridge.

A melodic tune echoed from the pipe organ, and the entire congregation stood at attention and faced the narthex. The acolyte, a boy who was no more that twelve, carried the scepter bearing the golden cross down the aisle. Behind him followed Bishop Aldridge, Cardinal Nathanial Stanton, and Pastor Raymond Gertz. The entire congregation gradually turned as the procession made its way to the altar. The music reached its climax as the acolyte gave a slight bow and handed the scepter to the bishop.

“My children, may God be with you on this New Year’s day. It is only good and right that we affirm our faith and allegiance to God and His holy kingdom. Please join with me in reciting the Oath of Affirmation …”

Emily mouthed the meaningless words as she impatiently waited to take her seat.

After Bishop Aldridge had seated the congregation, he and the cardinal took their seats in the throne-like plush chairs that flanked the altar.

Pastor Gertz approached the pulpit.

“My children, God be with you on this day as we celebrate the anniversary of Divine Retribution. Today is a day for celebration, for three hundred and forty-five years ago, on a spring morning much like this one, Almighty God cleansed a sinful world with fire, so that a new era of righteousness and purity would reign for a thousand years. As told in the Holy Book of Revelations, God unleashed the Four Horsemen upon the Earth to punish the generations for their sins, and on that day four mighty asteroids, as big as mountains, fell from the heavens and brought to the nations war, conquest, famine, and death.”

Pastor Gertz rested his hands on the pulpit in front of him. He paused to let the words take effect. “Our Almighty God wiped away the world’s decadent democracies, which continually polluted so much sin into his beautiful world. I need not remind you what this place was like before Divine Retribution. America was a land of sinful, vengeful people. It was a land consumed with technological idolatry, greed, and pleasures of the flesh. It was a truly ravenous society.”

“But I tell you, brothers and sisters, God had a plan for these people, a plan that was as old as history itself. God gave fair warning to the wicked people of America. He warned them in the holy book of Revelation. But yet they ignored. He even sent His Holiness, the founder of our church and our country, Pastor Elijah Kane. But his warnings were shunned. All the signs of the coming of the end were there, but the people went on living their wicked lives. But when the holy day of Divine Retribution came, they were consumed with sin, death, and everlasting damnation.”

“For over two years a cloud of ash blotted out the sun, and as the old world passed away, a new kingdom was born to take its place. In the city we now call Divinity, Pastor Kane and his flock, our ancestors, were safely sequestered away from the dying world.”
“Indeed, the hardships our ancestors faced continued after the sun returned. Resources were scarce. Much had been destroyed in the fires of Divine Retribution, but most of it had been wasted needlessly by the Americans. But, by the sweat of their brows and by the grace of God, they survived and thrived and have forged this kingdom, the Dominion of Divinity, to rule on this Earth until the great day of final judgment.”

Emily bit her lip and detached herself from Gertz’s sermon. She grabbed her necklace and spun the coin on the rope until it no longer held her interest. She looked up at the masses in front of her. It never failed to amaze her what a difference only a few pews could make. The wealthy landowners and church patriarchs were sitting up front in their best attire. The men were dressed in their pressed cotton suits and had stuffy brimmed hats, while their wives and daughters had donned elegant white-and-blue satin gowns that were bustled tightly to show off their feminine forms. But in a matter of a few feet the styles and clothing changed abruptly. Here, further back, most people dressed in clothes that were ragged from everyday wear. They were dusty and dirty, and there lingered the smell of sweat and grime that enveloped the laborers’ existence.

Emily examined each parishioner closely, playing a game she had taught herself to occupy the long New Year services. The game was quite simple. She would look at each parishioner closely to see whether or not they were observing the fast. It was usually pretty easy to tell. Those who did were tired and had trouble concentrating on the sermon. Instead, they closed their eyes and tried to drown out the hunger built up within their bellies. Those who ate breakfast looked alert and energetic and had no problem concentrating on the pastor’s message. She looked across the sea of faces toward the chancel, where Cardinal Stanton and Bishop Aldridge sat. Both men were sturdy, and they looked over their flock with somber and steadfast gazes. Clearly, they both had had breakfast fit for a king.

Emily looked at her family. Her mother, who clung to tradition and stubbornly did not make breakfast, somehow managed to find the strength and resolve to stay focused on the sermon. How she did remained a mystery to Emily. It was the same sermon year after year–powerful the first time you heard it, but after the fifth time she could practically preach it herself.
Her father, by contrast, looked as if he were about to collapse. He had dark circles around his swollen, bloodshot eyes, and he rubbed his face endlessly in an effort to stay awake. He looked far weaker than a man should halfway through a twenty-four hour fast. His face bore the expression of a man who was in desperate need of sleep but had the misfortune to be trapped within a mind that would not shut off.

Her brother still looked fiercely annoyed. She thought he was just upset at having to come back to church so soon after being whipped in the town square–not that she blamed him. If it had been her, she would never have come back. Aaron, however, was staring at something toward the front of the church. She followed his glaze to a brunette woman in a white gown, sitting along the aisle near the front of the nave. It was Elizabeth Mason–Aaron’s lost love.

If things had been different Aaron and Elizabeth would have been married by now. He had braved the fierce January cold to come into Seaton to propose to her, only to discover that a man named Alexander Rothchild was using her family and had arranged for Elizabeth to be his wife.

After the wedding, Rothchild had had Aaron arrested for stealing Elizabeth’s chastity, and he used his influence over the courts to have Aaron whipped in the town square.

Emily tensed up as she thought about her brother. Whenever she thought of him being whipped in the town square, it was a reminder of what could happen to her if she didn’t marry Jonathan. Arranged marriages were fairly common throughout the Dominion, but that fact offered her no peace of mind or reassurance whatsoever.

It was absurd the way the elite could just choose who they wanted their children to marry. Seaton’s wealthy families rarely intermarried because of the acrid competition between them, and all too often, their spoiled sons would use their wealth to cherry-pick their spouses from the community. Many times they would base their decisions on nothing more than a girl’s physical beauty, but every so often they would steal their brides from the arms of their true loves for nothing more than an act of retribution. It had happened to Elizabeth.

In her case, Emily had so often wondered why David had cherry-picked her to be his son’s bride. After nine years of living under this marriage arrangement, she had never found an answer. Her mother had one explanation. She believed it was because David’s wife, Andrea, had never had any other children besides Jonathan and coveted Emily so much that she sought to make her her own daughter. Emily didn’t necessarily believe that, but it was an idea that she could never fully dismiss.
When the service concluded, Emily and her family made their way back to their wagon, but they were detained by the polite musings of their landlord, David Marsh.

“Happy New Year to you, James, Julia,” David said to her parents. “James, I hope you don’t mind, but there are a number of things we need to discuss.”

David pulled her father aside to discuss matters of the farm and other business in private.

While Emily waited impatiently for her father, she noticed that Jonathan was making his way toward her. She shivered at the prospect of having to talk to him. Every memory she had of him was unpleasant. When they were children, he was the boy who’d pulled her hair or tried to look up her dress, or find something to say that would make her cry. He hadn’t changed much since then, except that he was now talking about either sex or how rich he was going to be.

“Afternoon, Emily,” Jonathan said. “You know, after we’re married, I’ll throw us the biggest dinner reception you’ve ever seen, and you’ll have the biggest feast you’ve ever eaten.”

She didn’t reply but instead glared into the distant horizon in the opposite direction and waited for him to leave.

“And you won’t have to sleep in that shack you live in now. You’ll have warm rooms with comfortable furniture and a big bed to sleep in … with me,” Jonathan flashed a sly smile.

Emily, mortified with the thought, turned around and shot him a gaze filled with abject disgust and loathing.

“You know, I happen to like where I live now–because you’re not there,” Emily said. She promptly turned and walked away.

Her father had concluded his discussion with Marsh and was making his way back, when David interrupted him again.

“Oh, James, why don’t you bring your family out to our house next Sunday for a little pre-wedding celebration?” David called out.

“And, Emily, we need to find a time so you can be fitted for your wedding dress,” Andrea said.

“Looking forward to it,” Emily said. And she was, too, even though she hoped to God that she would find some way out of the wedding. But the dress-fitting would give her a chance to wear something other than the same old tattered clothes she’d always worn.

“Okay, we’ll be there. What time?” James asked.

“Be there about five thirty. We’ll make an evening of it. I’ll hire a photographer friend of mine to take some good pictures,” David replied.

“We’ll be there,” her father said.

Silence washed over the family as they made their way back to the wagon. Emily looked at her father, who looked as if he had a fresh burden loaded on his shoulders. She couldn’t help but feel that she was the reason.

Read the first five chapters here:
http://www.dana-deyoung.com/Five%20Chapters.pdf

Or purchase the full novel through Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/Butterfly-Flame-Dana-Young/dp/14502887...

Chapter 2

In this chapter, Emily faces here worst nightmare - her wedding day.

About:

"There's something you need to know about Emily..."

In the year 2404, America is no more. In a land ruled by the oppressive theocracy known as the Dominion of Divinity, being gay is a capital offense, adultery is punished with the lash, women are forbidden to work, and forced marriages are common.

Fifteen-year-old Emily La Rouche faces an impossible choice. On her sixteenth birthday, she will be forced to marry Jonathan Marsh, the son of her landlord. If she refuses, her family will lose everything. If she takes his hand, it is certain that her life will end by a hangman's noose in front of an angry mob. All because Emily has been hiding an enormous secret for years-she was born a boy. As the wedding approaches, Emily's parents realize the only way that she will be safe is if she is to escape the Dominion.

With her brother Aaron at her side, Emily flees across post-apocalyptic America in search for a new home. With vile bounty hunters on her trail, only time will tell if Emily will ever find a place where she can live and breathe free as the person she was always meant to be.

Chapter II

Emily felt as though she were falling through time, and before she realized it, the day of the wedding had arrived. She awoke in a daze, with fatigue weighing down heavily upon her. Lately, she had had trouble getting enough sleep, each night culminating with only a few restless hours.

She felt disembodied. She could see her actions but did not feel a part of them. She got up from bed, dressed, and made her way to the family eating room where her mother had prepared lunch. She felt like a prisoner eating her last meal before being led away to the gallows. With her fork, she twisted and turned her lunch of fried eggs and cornmeal into an unidentifiable yellow and white mash. She was looking for the strength to make it through the day.

She didn’t want to marry Jonathan, and she knew he didn’t want to marry her. Her parents didn’t want her to marry him. So what was the point? After today she’d be trapped in an unloving, abusive, and impotent marriage–a prisoner of her husband’s design, trapped in their home, only leaving for social functions and dinner with his parents. She’d almost never see her family. Jonathan and Aaron hated each other. Jonathan knew that seeing her family would bring her great joy, and that was something that he simply wouldn’t allow.

It was nearly impossible to get a divorce, except in cases of lechery or homosexuality. But even with a marriage dissolved for those reasons, the unfaithful spouse was punished, sometimes severely, for violating the sacred covenant of marriage. Jonathan would certainly look outside the marriage bed to satisfy his carnal lust. What was worse, there was nothing she could do to make the authorities believe he’d been unfaithful to her. It would be his word against hers, and they would believe his. Then there was that other thing–

“Emily,” her mother said, interrupting her train of thought. “Aren’t you hungry, hon?”

Emily closed her eyes and tried to make time stop. She stood up from the table, hurried to her room, and shut the door. She slid to the floor and buried her head into her hands. This was it, the last day of the rest of her life. Whatever happened after this didn’t matter. She would live and grow old in a perpetual state of unhappiness. For years she had known this day would come, but it had always seemed like a speck in the distant future. Somehow, time had caught up with her. It had stalked her, toyed with her, waited for the right move, and finally it had stolen her life.

She desperately wanted to run away. But they’d find her. Anyway, where could she go? She hoped that when she got to the church the wedding would be called off, because Jonathan had died in a fire or by a gunshot wound or had simply drunk himself to death. Anything would do; she thought of a hundred different ways in which it could happen. But in her heart she knew it wouldn’t happen, and even though she detested Jonathan, it was wrong to wish for the death of another person–even if he was a worm!

Even if Jonathan would be tolerable to live with, sixteen was far too young to be getting married. She had seen the effects of marriage on young girls; they slowly turned to old crones with the burden of raising children and keeping house. It was the same for almost all women whose lives were designated exclusively to domesticity. She knew that it wasn’t always like this, but she
found it hard to believe the expectations society constantly reiterated for her.

Before long, her mother opened the door just far enough to stick her head through. “Emily, it’s time,” she said in a somber tone.
Emily pulled herself up and followed her family to the wagon outside. Throughout the trip to Seaton, she remained silent. The trip progressed slowly, but it led inexorably toward the event she dreaded. After they had finished their lunch, they reached the city
limits of Seaton. When they came to the cathedral, her mother escorted her to the rear of building.

Emily stopped in front of the door to the bridal suite. “Ma, could you give me a few minutes alone, please?” she asked.
Her mother nodded, “Okay. Let me know when you’re ready.”

Emily closed the door and looked at the small, stuffy room around her. There was only one small window opened for ventilation, and the gray, drab bricks trapped almost enough heat to roast her. She sat down at a small desk and stared at her reflection in a mirror. She knew she only had a few minutes of precious freedom left, but she wanted nothing more than to be left alone. Her eyes wandered away from the mirror and fixed on the hanging wall clock. She watched the hands on the clock tick slowly toward five. She now had a scarce half hour left. She couldn’t waste any more time. She had to get ready.

As she stood, another wave of fatigue washed over her. She removed her faded black dress and stood wearing nothing but a tattered, dusty cotton slip. She looked over her wedding gown. Despite her feelings about the marriage, she had to admit the dress was stunning, and it took her breath away to think that she could ever wear something so beautiful. The gown was as white and pure as porcelain. The corset was made of sleek, shiny satin. A line of finely tailored velvet roses crossed the breast and ran back from the left arm to the right side, and a short white lace strap would just barely cover her shoulders.

The skirt itself was actually three skirts. The innermost layer was a made from a delicate dark purple lace that would be almost completely obscured from view, except for a small length just above her ankles that would jut out when the outer skirt cut away. The second skirt was lavender and made from imported silk. The outer skirt was made of a thick bridal satin with a white lace trim and was garnished with small, delicate lavender bows. Along the back, the satin clustered together in a small, tight bustle.

It was time to put it on.

Emily opened the door a crack and called for her mother. Her mother entered the room and shut the door behind her. “Give me a second to get this corset on,” Emily said. Her mother turned around, and Emily removed the dusty slip from her body. She pulled on delicate lace pantalets and then stepped into the corset and pulled it around her chest. “Okay,” she said, beckoning her mother to help her tie the corset stays behind her. She had never worn a corset before, and the tightness she felt in her chest made it hard to breathe. The corset slimmed her waist, giving her straight figure subtle, gentle curves. Around her waist, Julia tied a small horsehair tournure so that it rested gently on her bottom. The pillow would give prominence to her bustle and add even greater emphasis to her new curves. Her mother picked up a small package from the desk. She opened it to reveal the most beautiful treasure Emily had ever seen–delicate white silk stockings. She reached out and carefully lifted them from their box. Her eyes swam with hot tears. She looked through her veil to meet her mother’s gaze. Emily knew her parents had gone to great lengths to procure the stockings for her. She felt her heart breaking as she slid the stockings up her legs. Would anyone ever show her this kind of loving gesture again?

Once the undergarments were in place and the corset was tied, she stepped into the skirts one by one and slowly pulled them over her small, boyish hips. As quickly as she could, her mother fastened the skirts together by the series of hooks that were sewn into the fabric. The pieces of her bridal outfit had come together.

“Come, dear. We still need to fix your hair,” her mother said.
Emily looked back into the mirror and noticed how disheveled her hair was. Its brownish-red strands were still tangled from yesterday’s sleep. She sat back in the chair, and her mother brushed through the snarls and tangles.
Her mother was midway through brushing her hair, when she suddenly stopped. Emily turned around and looked at mother. She could see her mother’s hands were shaking.

“What’s the matter?” Emily asked.

“It’s nothing, it just–” Her mother looked away from Emily, and she wiped a tear from her eye. “It’s just that I realized this might be the last time I get to brush through your hair.”

The last remnants of Emily’s strength were shattered. She threw her arms around her mother and cried. “Oh, Ma–don’t let him take me away from you. I don’t want to go!”

“I know, baby, I know. I don’t want you to go.” Her mother held Emily tight. “You know the Lord says he’ll never give us more than we can handle. I still believe that. I know this day is so hard for you to bear. But always know that, even though we may be apart, you’ll always be in our hearts and minds. I think that if you can take that with you, it will give you strength to make it through the toughest of days,” she said.

Emily didn’t believe what her mother said. They’d be separated, miles apart, but she might as well be on the moon. She knew she’d rarely get to see her family. That, coupled with being married to someone who despised her, was far more than she could ever bear. She closed her eyes and flushed those thoughts from her mind, focusing instead on her mother’s tender embrace. The love of a mother, she thought. In all the world, there is no equal.

Continue reading: Chapter 2
http://www.dana-deyoung.com/bff2.pdf

Buy the book - now on Kindle
http://www.amazon.com/Butterfly-Flame-ebook/dp/B0052G7NOS/re...

In this chapter Emily's past is revealed and at the age of six she begins her life as a girl.

Chapter III

Julia ran her fingers through Emily’s soft hair and listened to her daughter’s faint breathing. She could only construe the events that had taken place tonight at the Marshes dinner party as a bad omen for the future. She drew in a deep breath and sent up a silent prayer to the Almighty, asking Him to watch over her family through the coming days. After all her family had been through, they were going to need as much help as possible when David Marsh found out that Emily would not be marrying Jonathan. It wasn’t an absence of love or the fact that Jonathan had assaulted Emily that was going to annul the marriage contract, but something much more fundamental. Emily was really a boy.

It was a secret the family had spent years hiding. They had even moved from their farm by the small town of New Antioch in the Augustine Parish to keep her safe. Julia remembered the turbulent events that had begun over sixteen years ago. She remembered vividly how much James had complained about the weather and the prospects of a mediocre harvest. She had had her hands full with the children. Sarah, three years old, had been a handful, as she was walking everywhere and had even nearly gotten lost outside while Julia was attending to Aaron’s needs. Aaron, who had been just over nine months old at the time, was teething, and he fussed constantly.

When the fall harvest came, all of James’s worries were realized when he was only able to make a little less than what he had the previous year. The day he came back from town, James complained about everything: the lousy weather, the shoddy equipment, and the health of his animals. By then, she had suspected that she was pregnant. It had been over eight weeks since she had bled. She had fierce cravings for eggs, and she was becoming highly irritable, things that had happened only when she had been pregnant with Sarah and Aaron.

It had been a cold night in late October when she finally decided to tell James. They were lying in bed, trying to keep warm, as the rain and wind battered their small home. Aaron was sound asleep in the bassinet, and the sounds of his soft breathing filtered into her ears.

She placed her hand on her husband’s shoulder, “James,” she whispered.

“Hmm.”

“I think … I think I might be pregnant again.” She had always been reluctant to tell him of a new pregnancy, not because he would be unhappy or upset, but because her first pregnancy had ended with a miscarriage, and she didn’t want to worry him.

“Oh,” was James’s disheartening response.

Silence filled the room as he absorbed the news.

“Are you okay?” Julia asked.

James was silent for a moment longer. “I don’t know. I’m worried. I always hoped that after Aaron we wouldn’t have any more kids. I worry that I won’t be able to keep us fed, ’specially if we have another poor harvest. Worse still, I’ve heard stories ’bout other farmers who’ve had their crops burned and livestock killed, just so the landowners in New Antioch can bankrupt ’em and take their land. If we can’t make enough money, how’ll we back on our feet if something bad happens?”

Julia rolled away, “I know. I didn’t wanna burden you while you were harvesting, but I thought you should know.”

He rolled over and put his arm around her waist. “I mean, I’m happy. I just don’t want anything to happen where we might have to give up our land.”
“I guess we’ll just have to trust in each other and in God to make sure that everything will work out,” she said.

But as Julia’s belly grew, so did her husband’s worry. By the time she could feel the baby kicking, the bitter cold winter choked the land and several of the farm’s animals died from exposure. That winter also came without the vital life-giving snows that would moisten the soil for the next planting season. There were even times that James would complain out loud that he was going to have to sell the land just to keep the family fed.

The springtime was filled with anxiety for Julia. Throughout the last trimester of her pregnancy, she had experienced a number of false labors, and her younger sisters briefly moved into the cramped farmhouse to help watch the children and comfort Julia while she rested.

After a false labor, Julia finally had the real thing the afternoon of May 1, 329, but the baby kept her waiting for a grueling thirteen hours.
“It’s a boy!” Julia’s sister Maria exclaimed. Her sister’s declaration caught Julia by surprise. Through all her pregnancies, she had always had an intuition as to whether she was having a boy or a girl, and with both Sarah and Aaron she had been right. She had been so sure that she was having a girl with this pregnancy that she hadn’t even thought of a boy’s name for the baby. But, as her sister handed him to her, she couldn’t help but notice a slight resemblance between him and her uncle Erik, so she named the baby Erik Richard La Rouche after him.

The moment she handed Erik over to James, he seemed transformed. The dour look of worry that had overcome him during her pregnancy disappeared as he laughed and smiled with his newborn son. On that day, it had seemed as if God smiled on her family. They had three healthy, beautiful children. Then the weather soon changed for the better, and that fall James reaped one of the best harvests of his entire life.

Continue reading Chapter 3:
http://www.dana-deyoung.com/bff3.pdf

Purchase the Butterfly and the Flame now on kindle:
http://www.amazon.com/Butterfly-Flame-ebook/dp/B0052G7NOS/re...

Now on the nook:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Butterfly-and-the-Flame...

In this chapter, Emily's father, James faces a Sophie's choice: Surrender his trans-daughter into an arranged marriage knowing the possible deadly consequences when she comes of age, or slowly starve to death over the winter months.

As a special promotion for July I am pleased to announce that The Butterfly and the Flame is available on Kindle and Nook for $.99

James looked over his fields with dismay. As far as he could see, brittle and dead sticks jutted up like thorns through the dried and blistered soil. It had now been ninety-one days since rain had graced his crops, and since then he had been at war with the sun to keep them alive. He had made endless trips the creek that ran behind the fields to fill watering cans full of water to pour over the plants. In the end, it was no use; the heat fried their roots and evaporated the water. He put his hands above his eyes and glared at his solar nemesis.

Everything was lost. What could be harvested wouldn’t be enough to last his family more than a few weeks. If they slaughtered the animals, they might have enough meat to last two months, possibly three to four, if the hunting was good. The best case scenario? They would be able to survive until March, but even then he would have no money to buy seeds or livestock.

James threw his hat to the ground. It had been a terrible year. Since they had moved from New Antioch ten months ago, nothing had gone right. Why had they trekked all this way to end up starving to death? Surely the weather was better back in New Antioch, and even if it wasn’t, at least he could have relied on his or Julia’s family to help them make it through the winter. A stiff breeze gusted from the south, stirring up miniature dirt devils. James watched his future disappearing into the air with them.

Over the past few weeks, David Marsh had been soliciting offers to buy the land from him for a reasonable price. Each time Marsh hinted at the subject of buying his land, James thanked him but reassured David that he’d be fine, while he hoped and prayed for a miracle from the skies.

Nothing happened. He was a modern-day Job trapped in a test of faith that had no end. Whatever deal Marsh offered would keep him alive, but he and his family would be little better than slaves. But what choice did he have? If he didn’t take the deal, his family would be penniless and starving inside half a year.
He no longer had any choice. He’d have to visit David tomorrow and pray that his offer was still on the table. James bent down and picked up his hat. “Why, God? Why this, now, after everything?” he said.

* * *

James found little sleep that night and as the sun rose, he found himself paralyzed in his bed.

Day ninety-two.

Normally, James would be feeding the livestock now, but what was the point? In a few hours they wouldn’t be his anymore. James looked at Julia, who was sleeping peacefully next to him. She had cringed when he told her that he was going to sell the farm. She sensed his frustration and disbelief. But all she said was, “We’ll get through this. Whatever happens, even if we are broke, we’ll still have each other.” He wished he could his share her optimism.
As the morning passed, he could no longer remain idle in his bed. He got up, but he still couldn’t shake the dull ache of apathy that filled his body. As he dressed, he could hear Aaron and Emily playing in the next room.

“Aaron, no! Don’t kill it.”

“Why not? It’s just a spider!”

“So, what did it ever do to you?”

“It’s just a spider. There are hundreds of ’em everywhere.”

James smiled at the irony. He was like the spider, caught between forces of life and misery. He listened to the children play-fight some more. He knew who would win, and it wouldn’t be the spider.

Julia greeted him with a simple, but loving, kiss to his cheek when he came into the family eating room. He sat at the table with his children and tried his best to stay upbeat. For a moment he wished he could trade places with Aaron and be a boy again, just so he could live one day without worrying about tomorrow.

“Ma said you didn’t sleep well last night, so I fed the animals for you, Pa,” Aaron said with proud enthusiasm.

“Hey! I helped too,” Emily said.

“Thank you. That was very thoughtful,” James said.

“We only have one bag of corn feed left,” Emily said. “Can we go with you tomorrow when you get some more?”

James gritted his teeth. The drought had wiped out all the fields where the cattle typically grazed. In order to keep them alive, he had had to resort to buying expensive feed. Doing so had drained what little savings they had had. He didn’t want to tell his children that, with a disastrous harvest looming ahead, he might not be able to spend the last of his money on animal feed.

“We’ll have to see. I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring.”

Julia prepared a light meal of scrambled eggs and boiled carrots. Knowing the potential crisis they faced, she made the helpings smaller than what she traditionally served. James only ate a little of his food and gave Aaron the rest when he complained that he was still hungry.

Beads of sweat condensed on James’s forehead. One look out the window told him all he needed to know about the weather. There were no clouds in the sky, the air was still, and if the previous three months were any indication, the sun’s blistering rays would nearly bake him into a human roast.

“Do you kids wanna go to church today or stay home?” James asked.

Before he had discussed his plans with his wife, James originally had planned to go by himself and approach Marsh after the service to discuss selling his land. The prospect of his children seeing him beg David Marsh for their survival sent chills up his spine. But Julia didn’t want to deprive the children from worshiping. The family went every week, and she wanted to make sure Aaron and Emily would grow up to have a strong faith. They argued for nearly an hour, but Julia would not relent unless they were at least given the opportunity to go.

“I don’t wanna go. It’s too hot to listen to some old boring sermon,” Aaron said.

“How ’bout you, Emily?” he asked her. He expected her to follow her brother’s lead.

Emily frowned as she thought it over. “I think I wanna come with you.”

“You sure?” James said, emphasizing the last word carefully.

Emily’s eyes darted away from him to her mother. “Yes, I think so,” she said at last.

“Okay,” he said. Emily had been following him around more than she had at any other time in her life. She always wanted to spend his free time with him. It was as if Emily was trying to make up for something. “Why don’t you go fill our canteens with water while I get the horse ready?”

“Okay,” she said. She slid off her chair, grabbed the canteens from the cabinet, and then disappeared out the door.

James stood and slid his chair back under the table. “Well, I s’pose I better go get Duncan saddled up.”

Julia gave him a quick hug, “Okay, good luck with everything.”

“Yeah,” he said softly. He turned to make his way outside.

“Good luck with what?” Aaron asked.

“Never you mind. Your father just has a couple of things he needs to take care of after church,” Julia said.

James closed the door behind him. He didn’t want to tell his children that he had failed to keep them fed and that he would have to become a sharecropper in order to survive, yet it was only a matter of time before they would know.

James retrieved Duncan from the barn, saddled him up, and brought him out to the front of the house, where Emily was waiting for him. He reached down and, with an effortless motion, picked her up and set her in front of him.

“You sure you want to go, Em? You know it’s gonna be pretty hot in there.”

“I don’t mind. I’d rather go with you than just sit in the house all day.”

“Okay,” he said.

Emily looked up at him, “You okay, Pa?”

“Yeah, I’ll be okay.”

He looked back at Emily, into her deep blue, loving eyes. As she looked at him, he felt some of his anxiety slip away. Perhaps it wasn’t bad for her to come after all. Perhaps if she was there it would give him the strength to get through the day and do what needed to be done

Continue reading Chapter 4: www.dana-deyoung.com/bff4.pdf

Buy now for $.99

Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Butterfly-Flame-ebook/dp/B0052G7NOS/re...

Nook: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-butterfly-and-the-flame-...

Read

With the impending future weighing down upon them, James and Julia try to decide the best way to keep their transgender daughter safe from a lunatic society.

Emily floated in and out of consciousness. She felt pain, sickening and sharp. Her body felt hollow and placid, like a decaying fish on a sandy beach. She kept her eyes closed in an effort to make the pain go away, but no matter what she did, it persisted. Memories danced randomly through her mind. She remembered the dream about her wedding, and she remembered hunting earlier that morning and tonight’s dinner. The world around her grew dark, and Emily could faintly see the shadowy outline of her mother sitting by her side and running her fingers through her hair. Her mother asked her a question, but her words were muted, indistinguishable sounds.

Emily passed out. When she opened her eyes, the world was darker, and the shapes and sounds around her changed until she felt she was floating through the air. Her father was carrying her into the house.He did not look at her but kept his vision forward as he brought her inside and laid her down on her bed. She felt her body melt into the soft mattress, and she drifted back to the realm of unconsciousness.

James brushed her hair aside and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Julia placed a damp cloth across her forehead, and together they left the room to let Emily sleep. Aaron stood outside the room in the cramped, narrow hallway, waiting for them.

“How is she?” Aaron asked.

“She’s asleep. She’ll probably be like this for the next few days as she gets better,” Julia said. “I’ll stay with her tonight to make sure there are no more problems.”

“So, where am I gonna sleep?” Aaron asked.

“Why don’t you sleep in our room tonight?” Julia said.

Aaron looked uneasily at his father before looking back at her.

“Don’t worry too much about it. Your father’ll probably sleep on the floor anyway. It’s easier on his back.”

“All right, I guess.”

“Good, why don’t you get to bed? Your father and I need to talk.”

Aaron turned and walked to his parents’ room. When he had shut the door, Julia walked into the family eating room, with her husband following closely behind. James took his usual spot closest to the fireplace, while Julia sat across from him. The lonely candle in the center of the table cast a dull light that accented the tired lines in James’s worn face.

“James, we need we figure out what to do about Emily,” Julia said. Her voice quivered and her hands shook. Her daughter had been assaulted and injured, and she couldn’t do anything about it. “Please tell me you have a plan.”

“I don’t know. After Aaron’s little brawl, I think we lost our only chance to get outta the contract.”

“Maybe, but I think that even if Aaron hadn’t knocked some sense into Jonathan, David would’ve done whatever it took to calm things down–but he would’ve never released Emily from the contract.

James sighed and let his head rest in the palm of his hand. “I don’t think we got any good choices left. It isn’t safe for her to stay in Seaton. We’re gonna have to send her somewhere.”

“What about your family? Could she stay with one of your brothers?”

“No, I haven’t heard from either Martin or Daniel since we’ve been livin’ here. Besides, the last they remember of Emily, she was still Erik; they’d prolly be very reluctant to take her in.”

“I forgot about that. It’s too bad that my parents weren’t still alive. I mean, they at least knew about her. I think they would have taken her in.”
Julia’s parents had died within six months of each other five years ago. The first notice she’d received of it had been a poorly written letter from her sister Maria a year after the fact. Her parents had been the kindest people she had ever known, and she vowed that someday she would make it back to New Antioch to visit their graves, but so far she hadn’t been able to fulfill that promise.

“I know, I still remember the first time they met Erik as Emily; it was just as if she had been there all their lives. They were really good people,” James said. He stared deeply into space, and silence filled the room as they tried to think of a plan.

“Is there any way that we could move, as we did ten years ago?” Julia asked bluntly.

“What, all of us?” James asked.

“Yeah.”

“Hmm, I don’t see any way we could do it. When we moved last time, we still owned our land and could sell anything to raise the money we needed, but now David owns everything, and if we try to sell anything that’s his, we could end up in jail.”

“Then what’re we gonna do, James? If she stays here, her life is as good as gone,” Julia said. Suddenly, the gravity of the situation hit her, and she couldn’t maintain her composure. “God, this isn’t fair! All I ever wanted in life was to be able to see my children grow up and have families of their own. But Sarah died young, Aaron’s a convicted adulterer, and Emily …” she paused to try to select the right words, “… can never marry.”

In spite of all her family had been through, Julia took pride in Emily and how independent and creative she was. Emily was perhaps the most intelligent person she had ever known. But at times she found herself wishing that Emily was either completely male or female and not somewhere in between. She loved Emily as a daughter, but she would never wish her situation on anyone. It was too much to handle. She lived under a cloud of fear that someone would find out that Emily was a boy and all the family’s efforts to keep her identity a secret would’ve gone to waste.

She worried even more when Emily turned thirteen. Julia watched Aaron grow from a boy into a man. He was nearly six feet tall, and his muscles rippled from the years of heavy farm work. He had thick patches of facial hair that matched his sandy-blond hair. She had worried the same thing would happen to Emily, that by the curse of nature she would develop into the man that she was supposed to be. So far, Emily had been lucky. Emily was nearly sixteen and still possessed an array of feminine features. She was only a few inches above five feet tall. Her voice had only broken moderately, and she only had a few hairs above her lip, which she meticulously plucked out. Perhaps her most striking feature of all was her long, flowing auburn hair. It flowed around her shoulders and down the length of her back, where it came to an end around her waist. Her hair was the color of autumn and as fine and smooth as the best Chinese silk. It was the hallmark of her femininity.

Ever since Emily had started living as a girl, Julia had worried. She vividly remembered the agony and the heartbreak that her daughter had felt, and she remembered the things Emily had done to herself. It had scared her when Emily had refused to eat because she couldn’t be a girl. Even though they were letting her live the life she wanted, Emily occasionally went through bouts of depression. There were days when she would stay hidden in her room, and on those days she’d scarcely do anything or talk to anyone. When Emily had been younger, she would sometimes talk about how she would grow up to be a woman. Julia knew it was absurd but humored her anyway, for fear of breaking her heart. But with each year that passed, Emily slowly came to the realization that it was nothing more than a childhood fantasy and there was nothing that she could ever do that would turn her into the woman she knew herself to be.
Emily had also seen what puberty had done to Aaron, and it scared the hell out of her. Julia remembered Emily saying one night a few years ago, “I’d rather be dead than to have to end up looking like Aaron.” That statement alone kept Julia up many nights. No child should ever say such things.

Now, James said, “I know. We’ve done the best we could. I think most people woulda given up on a child like Emily.”

“I know, but I don’t wanna let her go. We’ve already lost one daughter. I don’t want to lose her, too.”

“We won’t,” James said.

James winced as a sharp pain shot through his stomach. He was plagued with worry. He worried what would happen to his way of life once the wedding fell through. It was well within Marsh’s power to seize the land and force Julia and him out into the streets. He could even be arrested.

No matter what form of retribution he faced, nothing pained him more than the realization that he would never see his children again. But the only way that Emily would ever be safe would be if she fled beyond the borders of the Dominion. There was no way he could send her that far without someone to look after her and be her companion, and that job would fall to Aaron.

James tried to remember a map of the Dominion. Emily could be safe in the western parishes, as they were sparsely populated, but the land was less suited for farming. On top of that, further west there were the mountains, and James didn’t like the thought of his children having to cross them alone.

Sending the children south was out of the question, as he would only be sending them deeper into the heart of the Dominion, where the laws were stricter and more often enforced.

He couldn’t send them north, either. The Dakota Territories were teeming with Mormon refugees and extremists. The situation had deteriorated over the last year. Farms and settlements along the northern border were increasingly under attack. Last autumn, after the railroad bridge in Lewis Bend was bombed, Bishop Aldridge had announced that he would send soldiers to the northern territories to root out the Mormon infection.

Sending his children east was the only option left. Over the Missouri River was the Saint James Parish. It was less populated than the Seaton Parish, but if James wanted to make sure that Emily was safe forever from the Dominion’s laws, they would need to settle in the Great Lakes Territories, which began near the Mississippi River. The territory had fertile farming land and enough wildlife and game to live off for as long as they would need.

He rubbed his tired eyes. “I guess our only option would be to get her far away from here. The only thing I can think of is to send her east, toward the Mississippi,” he said.

“Where’s that?” Julia asked.

“It’s ’bout four hundred miles east of here.”

“But she wouldn’t make it that far by herself.”

“Aaron would go with her.”

Julia’s eyes widened. “So all of our children would be gone,” she said, the words barely escaping her.

“Julia, it’s the only way.”

“I know.” She wiped a tear from her eye. “I know. How soon would she have to go?”

“The wedding’s in three weeks. When did Andrea wanna do the dress fitting again?”

“The sixteenth. Next Friday.”

“Okay, she’ll have the fitting, and I think I can get enough supplies and money for them to leave two weeks from now. That’s plenty of time for them to get out of the area before the wedding.”

“God, James! I never thought we’d have to see a day when we would lose all our children,” Julia said.

James could not imagine the pain and stress that Julia was feeling. In all their years of marriage he could scarcely recall a time when she had taken the Lord’s name in vain, and now, within a space of just a few minutes, she’d done it twice.
“But at least she’ll be safe and be able to live a long life.”

“What about Aaron? You know how stubborn he can be. Remember our last move?”

James did remember, and it wasn’t a pleasant thought. From New Antioch to Seaton, Aaron had thrown nonstop tantrums. He had asked endless questions and repeatedly harassed and blamed Emily for their having to leave their home.
“I don’t know. He’s grown since then,” James replied.

“Still, he hates change, and I know he’s still in love with Elizabeth.”

“Sooner or later, though, he’ll realize that she’s untouchable. At least this way he has a chance to find someone else and get married.”

“Hopefully, that’ll be sooner rather than later. We’ve almost run out of time. Speaking of which, what do you plan to tell Marsh? We can’t just not show up the day of the wedding. You’ll have to tell him something.”

“And what do ya suggest telling him? You know he won’t accept anything less than Emily at the altar.”

“You could tell him the truth.”

“What? That Emily’s really a boy, and that we’ve been raising what the church and everyone else sees as an abomination for the last ten years? I’m sure he’d love that!” James said.

“What else are you gonna tell him? If knows the truth, he might just call off the wedding.”

“Don’t you think that’ll just make things worse? I mean, if it just looks like Emily ran off, then we might be able to come through this with our livelihood intact.”

“But if it looks like she just ran off, then there’s absolutely no way she can ever come back. If David knows the truth about Emily, he might just end the contract himself, and we could stay together.”

James shook his head. “He won’t show us any mercy, ’specially after the wedding he’s been planning for ten years blows up in his face.”

“You know, despite what happened tonight, he’s always been fair to us.”

“Tonight will be nothing if he knows the truth.”
Julia sighed aloud. “You know we don’t have much choice. You tell him whatever you think’ll be best, ’cause you’re the one who’ll have to talk to him.” Julia stood up from her chair and looked at James. “You should try to get some sleep. It’ll be daylight before you know it,” Julia said. She turned to make her way to the children’s room.

“Julia,” James said.

“Yes?” She stopped and looked back at him.

“You know I love you.” Those words seemed almost alien to him. It had been a while since he had last said them to her, and with the weight of the world on his mind, his marriage at times seemed to be nothing more than a simple friendship. But now, as he looked at the careworn face of the woman who’d been his companion for the last twenty years, he realized he needed her now more than ever.

Julia walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. “I know you do, and I love you. No matter what happens, I want you to know you’re the best father and husband a woman could ever ask for. There’s not a man on Earth who would’ve made the sacrifices you have for your family.” She gently kissed his forehead. James lifted his head and their eyes met and exchanged a lifetime of moments, the good and the bad. Through thick and thin they had been there for each other. She lowered her head, and for a moment they kissed. Her warm, wet lips moved with him. A fire burned deep inside him; it felt like the first time they had kissed. Their spirits were one as they danced the dance of life and love. The burden of the future slipped away as he loved the woman who had always remained steadfast by his side. How long had it been since he’d felt this way? Too long!

Julia parted and closed her eyes, holding on to the moment for a little longer.

A smile flashed over her face. “I should go tend to Emily and make sure she’s all right.” She paused to take one last look at James and then walked to the children’s room.

A fresh wave of fatigue washed over James. He decided to try to get some sleep. He grabbed the candlestick and made his way to his bedroom. He opened the door, and the dim light cast an unearthly light over the room. James set the candle on an uneven end table and quickly stripped off his clothing down to his shirt and undergarments. Aaron was sprawled across his bed. Rather than moving him,

James grabbed a pillow, blew out the candle, and lay down on the floor.

Twenty-one days was all that remained before the wedding day. Only fourteen days remained before he’d have to say good-bye to his children for the final time. He hoped and prayed for the best, that everything would clear itself up and his children would be able to stay home. But he knew it wouldn’t happen. Time was his enemy. It was unbelievable that so much time had slipped away from him. Nine years had disappeared in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Just before James fell asleep, he made a promise to himself. He might not be able to stop the future, but he would right the things he had let go wrong in the past.

Purchase the butterfly and the flame now only $.99 on Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Butterfly-Flame-ebook/dp/B0052G7NOS/re...

Nook:http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Butterfly-and-the-Flame...

With time running out, Emily uses her dress fitting as a chance to bargain her way out of her upcoming wedding.

Friday April 16

It’s been too long since I’ve been able to write my thoughts down. For the last few days, I’ve done nothing but lie in bed and wish the pain would leave my head. Finally, this morning, I was able to move and think without the blinding pain and the nausea.

What’s worse is that I’ve lost days recovering in my bed. Yesterday it was Sunday, and we were at the Marshes’ for supper, and now it’s Friday. I am to go to town today and be fitted for my wedding gown. The thought of being able to try on expensive and glamorous clothing is really exciting. But I worry. I worry that while I’m changing someone might accidentally discover what I’ve kept hidden for so long. It seems like it’s getting harder and harder to hide; it’s such a sensitive area right now, and trying to hide them causes me great pain. Lord, how I wish they weren’t there.

David Marsh would just die if he knew the truth, which is a great worry for me. What’s he going to do if I don’t marry his son?

I know the wedding’s not going to happen. I know–but it still haunts my dreams. I am so worried. Two weeks are all that remain, and still Ma and Pa have said nothing about getting me out of this wedding. I can tell it’s killing Father.
He’s not the same; he’s so tense and nervous. I know he’s not sleeping well at night–I don’t think any of us are. I know the wedding is killing him; I’m killing him. He can’t look at me; he always looks away. It seems as if we are back on the old farm again. It’s like that first night when he caught me.

I think he loves me, but it’s hard to tell. I still remember the arguments he would have with Ma and how they would wake me up in the middle of the night. I remember how angry he was in those early days and how that anger was replaced with a cold unease. I know I am a burden to him. I know he wishes he didn’t have a child like me. I am a burden to this whole family. They’ve put their lives aside for me. They’ve made adjustments to shelter and protect me from the law. They say they do it because they love me, but I’m not sure I believe that anymore. I’m just an obligation to this family because of the accident of my birth. It seems as if there is a condition attached to me somehow. We love you, but … I can see it in their eyes, their secret resentment.

Father keeps his distance from me. He always has. Looking back, I scarcely remember a time when we did things together. The only thing that stands out is the time when he taught me how to hunt. For our first few trips, I was reluctant to go. But after a while, it was something I looked forward to. Even though we rarely talked, something told me that he was proud of me and how proficient I had become with a rifle. After a while, he started sending me out on my own to hunt, while he worked the farm. Even though I’ve invited him to come with me, it has probably been four years since we have gone hunting together. I can’t help but wonder if he enjoyed that time we spent together. I wonder if he was proud of me for the game I have brought in, or if it was just something he had to teach me so we could have food on our table.

In many ways, I guess I am jealous of Aaron. I see Pa talking and laughing with him, and there is nothing but pride in his heart for Aaron. Aaron might be oblivious to it, but when Pa thought that he was going to get married to Elizabeth, he seemed to be the happiest man on Earth. I remember some things about how he was with Sarah. She was his pride and joy, his little girl. Perhaps part of him died when she did, and that’s why he seems so empty to me. I only wish I could make that emptiness go away, that I could be his little girl like Sarah was so long ago.

Emily set the pen down and stared at the words that she had written. She flipped through the pages of her diary, the sporadic passages and words she had written whenever she felt she had to confide her thoughts.

At that moment, the outside door opened and her father walked into the family eating room.

“Morning, Em. How’s your head today?” he said. He took his place at the head of the table.

“It’s all right, I s’pose.”

“Good. Good, that’s good. Where’s everyone else?”
“Aaron’s out doing chores, and Ma’s getting the wagon ready for us to go to town.”

“Ah. What’re you two goin’ to town for?”

“I’m getting fitted for my wedding dress today.”
“That’s right; I can’t believe it’s Friday already. Hey, can you make me something to eat? I’m pretty hungry.”

“I s’pose. Is oatmeal okay?”

“Yeah.”

Emily stood up from the table and made her way to the wood stove to boil some water. An awkward silence filled the room as Emily prepared her father’s breakfast. She was desperate to know any new details about how she was going to get out of the wedding safely, but she held her tongue for fear that she wouldn’t like the answer.

“I remember when we gave this to you,” her father said, referring to her diary. “It was two Christmases ago, wasn’t it?”

She set his oatmeal in front of him. “Three, actually,” she said.

“I didn’t know you still wrote in this thing.”

Emily sat next to her father. “I try sometimes, I guess,” she said.

“I hope you were kind to your old man.” He closed her diary and slid it over to her. “Listen, I … I know I’ve made mistakes in my life, Em. I know I was hard on you when you were younger. I hope you can forgive me for that. But it’s hard, you know, knowin’ that underneath it all you’re really my son. Even after we moved here I was afraid of what might happen if someone found out. You know, we couldn’t all move again. Then what would happen? But I guess none of that matters anymore.”

“Why? What’s gonna happen?”

He leaned over to her. “I don’t want you to whisper a word of this to your brother ’til I’ve had a chance to tell him, but I’m gonna send you two to live in the Great Lakes Territories.”

Emily nodded as she thought the plan through. “I kinda figured something like that would happen. Are you and Ma gonna come, too?”

James shook his head. “No, it’s just gonna be you two this time. With all of us goin’ together, we wouldn’t have the money and supplies to get that far.”

“When are we leaving?”

“Next Friday.”

“What’re you gonna do about Marsh? You know he’s been looking forward to this wedding for years. I don’t know what he’ll do when I don’t show!”

“I don’t know yet. I guess we’ll come to that bridge when we get there, but for now, your safety is our top concern, and it’s best that we make plans to get you out of Seaton. Hopefully, sometime it’ll be safe for you to come back, but I’m not holding much hope out for it.”

“Please, you don’t have to put everything on the line just for my sake.”

“Emily, you’re our child, and we’d cross the fires of hell to keep you safe.”
Emily rested her chin in the palm of her hand. She looked away from her father.

It rankled that he still continued to call her our child, instead of our daughter. Even though he allowed her to live as a girl, after all these years he still didn’t want to believe she was one.

At that moment, her mother came into the house. “Are you ready to go, sweetie?”

“Is there really any point? I mean, if I’m gonna be leaving and all?”

“You told her?” her mother asked.

“Yeah.” He turned to Emily. “For now, we need to keep the Marshes thinking that all’s well until we can get you and Aaron outta the parish,” he said to her.
“Besides, Emily, you’ve told me how much you’ve wanted to try on some fancy dresses,” her mother added.

“Yeah, okay; I’ll go,” Emily said evenly. She slid back in her chair and made her way toward the door.

“Remember, Emily–keep this between us for now, okay?

“Okay,” she said.

Emily walked with her mother to their wagon outside, and together they began the trip to Seaton. For a few minutes they remained silent.

“So, how do you feel about your father’s plan?” her mother asked, breaking the silence.

“God, it’s dumb. How–”

“Emily Anne La Rouche! Do not take the Lord’s name in vain!”

Emily looked away and rolled her eyes, “Sorry,” she said. “How does he expect us to survive out in the wilderness? I mean, why not just move to a town in Rogersville or Holy Mountain or something?”

“And how would you make a living in any of those towns? You won’t have very much money to live on, and if your brother doesn’t find work, you could very easily have to live on the streets.”

“And that’s worse than living in a dirt hovel in the wilderness?”

“I didn’t say that it would be easy, and it won’t be. But farming’s the only thing your brother knows. At least he’d be able to keep you fed.”

“I guess, but why do we have to go so far out of the way?”

“Because we don’t know what David will do once he finds out about you.”

Emily’s eyes widened. She looked at her mother. “You mean you’re actually gonna tell him the truth?” she asked.

“Your father and I have discussed it, but I don’t think that we have any other choice. David won’t accept anything except for you to be at the altar in two weeks. There’s no reasoning or bargaining with him, and we have no choice but to break the contract.”

“But why tell him the truth?”

“If he knows the truth and thinks that it could bring shame to his family, he might just break it off and that would be that.”

“That sounds like an awful big risk.”

“I know, but what choice do we have? If we just strand Jonathan at the altar, there’s no choice but for you and your brother to leave. But if we can just get David to understand the situation, there’s a chance we can stay together.”
Emily thought about the severity of her parents’ options.

“Ma, how do you feel about this?”

“Oh, Emily, I’m so scared! When we left the Marshes’ last week, David threatened your father to get our house in order or he’d make our lives miserable. I’m just so scared of what he’ll do. I go to bed every night praying, hoping that David will annul the contract, but in my heart I know we’re being ripped apart, and I fear we won’t ever be together again.”
Emily looked away from her mother. Her words only reminded her that she was responsible for everything that was happening. It reminded her that she was a liability, a complication, an inconvenience, and a cancer devouring the lives of the ones she loved.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve put us in this position. I’m sorry that you had to have a child like me. You deserve better.”

Her mother placed a shaky hand on Emily’s shoulder. “Don’t say things like that. I wouldn’t trade you for any other child on God’s good Earth. You’re a remarkable girl, and you’re a caring and loving person. The fact that the authorities would overlook that, just ’cause you refuse to live your life as they think you should, is a real testament to how blind they are.”

Emily shook her head. “But I complicate everything. I’m a burden to everyone. I don’t try to be, but I know I am. I know that Father thinks that.”

“Emily, you’re not a burden! Everything that has happened to us in this life has happened for a reason. You are a blessing to this family, because when the world seems unbearable and dark and lonely you light up our lives with your smile, your creativity, and most of all, your caring.”

“But Father’s resentful toward me. He always has been.”

“Your father loves you very much. He’s not the most affectionate man sometimes, and I know he’s had a hard life, but he cares for you as his daughter.”

Emily turned her head sharply and cast a skeptical glance at her mother. “He never calls me that. Ten years have passed by, and he’s never once referred to me as his daughter!”

Julia sighed, “He still loves you, though. You should know this: love and affection are emotions that men often have difficulty showing.”

“I guess.”

“You’ll have to trust me on this one. Many men would rather die than tell anyone what they’re really feeling.”

Continue chapter 7: http://www.dana-deyoung.com/bff7.pdf

Purchase novel on Kindle for $.99: http://www.amazon.com/Butterfly-Flame-ebook/dp/B0052G7NOS/re...

Purchase the novel on Nook for $.99: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Butterfly-and-the-Flame...