My Despair-1 By Stanman63 Thanks To JennaFL For Proofing And Nora Adrienne for editing Synopsis: When pre-op Jerri Lynn is violently raped by the mayor's son, which caused Jerri Lynn to be ostracized by the community. When the case is dismissed due to improper handling of evidence, she plans a revenge that only her best friend's Love prevents, leading to her finding peace as she gives up her anger and embraces Love.

[*][*][*]
Well, here I am, in the afterglow of love with my beloved husband, Grant who has never doubted me, or our Love. But it was not always like this for me. I had to go through my personnel hell and overcome my personnel demons, foisted upon me by the most violent action that can be taken against a woman and her to survive.

But survive, I did. Only to suffer from the humiliation of a failed court case due to improper handling of vital evidence that let my attackers go free to continue their evil against other women.

In my despair, I was determined to end my pain by taking their lives, but Grant and my parents came up with a plan to stop them for me, which broke through my despair and let me live again as the canker of bitterness and hatred was replaced with Hope and Love.
[*][*][*]
I was born Jerry Lynn Boyles, son of Mark Anthony and Tammy Renee, and brother of Tommy Todd Boyles. When I came out to my family, they supported me and let me be myself, for which I am grateful.

Daddy won the MISTER ATLAS body building contest, winning an athletic scholarship that he used to become Head Coach at Westbury Academy where he lead the Westbury Wranglers to win the State Championship, many times.

Daddy was also Scoutmaster for Westbury Academy Troop. He had been a Cub Scout and Boy Scout, earning every Merit Badge that they had to offer until he was asked to be the Scoutmaster.

He earned the respect of: alumni, faculty, parents, and students with his philosophy of hard work, team spirit, and his personnel faith in God. My daddy never condoned steroids or drugs. Rather he emphasized reliance upon physical fitness and healthy eating with daily prayer for daily living.

Momma was the manager of the Country Western band SOUTHERN BELLES, Kerri and Jerri Long played guitar, Sherri Flowers played the piano and Terri Summers was the drummer. They all wore matching Western shirts, brown suede vests, denim miniskirts, hose and Western boots along with a cowboy hat.

They were very popular locally, and won several talent contests, but all of the girls got married and started raising their families, not wanting to give up what they have for the glamour of fame.

Even though she was involved with the band as well as Church, she was also involved with the Girl Scouts, beginning as a Brownie. Like Daddy, she earned her Merit Badges. In fact, those two had a friendly rivalry going to see who gained the most badges. When Daddy became a Scoutmaster, she became the Troop leader and became a Cub Scout Den Mother when Tommy and I joined the Scouts.

But Momma was also involved with the theater and choir as well as a science teacher at Westbury Academy. That is where she became known for her gift in making science easy to understand. And she truly shined in singing solos for the Church and acting in plays. The reason that she was not in SOUTHERN BELLES was that she sang for GOD, not for herself.

Tommy Todd is an All AMERICAN boy. He was involved in sports, and kept an +Aaverage all through school, earning him several scholarships that he donated to Westbury Academy, since our parents could easily afford to send us to college.

Me, I was the child prodigy who was a confirmed geek from the start. I potty trained myself by the time that I was six months old and was learning to read and talk soon after. Momma says that it was because when I was in her tummy, she listened to and watched a lot of shows on the sciences as well as read every book on any scientific field. She never lost her love of the sciences and passed it on to me.

Thanks to Momma, I was well ahead of practically the entire school when I was in the first grade, but Momma and Daddy taught me to be shy about my accomplishments and help other students. Heck, whenever the Science Fair took place, I won first place with my entry.

I was also taught all of the domestic skills along with my brother, We both would have put most girls to shame with our accomplishments. But while Tommy was just as good as I am, he never did get into making girl's clothing. No, he stuck with men's fashions.

But we both loved the manual skills in: carpentry, gardening, electrical, masonry, and plumbing, just like Daddy. Daddy believed that learning domestic skills would teach us to respect girls or what they did in up keeping a home.

Tommy and I were all set to go to college at Westbury Academy College and live on campus. Momma and Daddy had taught us how to be responsible adults, and we are both glad that they did, because without that teaching, we would not have had the courage to leave home, nor I the courage to become who I wanted t be.
[*][*][*]
I was on my way home from my waitress job at Harry's Family Restaurant where I was the Greeter. I was wearing the red dress, flats with white apron and tights when I was accosted by Frank Thorpe and his brother Chad.

"LOOK! IT'S THAT FAGGOT THAT THINKS THAT IT"S A GIRL!, taunted Frank.

I turned and saw two large men wearing old football jerseys, jeans, and biker boots. 'Oh shit! TROUBLE!' I said to myself. They were well known for their anti-gay actions against those that they called poofs, fairies, and sissies. and would have been jailed, but were the sons of Mayor Anthony Thorpe.

"COME ON! BRO! LET'S TEACH IT HOW TO BE A WOMAN!, commanded Chad.

I ran for all that I was worth back to the entrance, but they caught me and chloroformed me. Then I felt myself being bent over the open bed of a pickup and my skirt being yanked up, my panties and tights being ripped to expose my anus.

"LOOKEE HERE! BRO! HAS JUST AS GOOD AN ASS AS A WOMAN!, taunted Chad.

"BRO! THINK IT'S AS GOOD AS A WOMAN!?", sneered Frank.

"LET'S FIND OUT!", argued Chad.

"YOU FIRST, BRO!", offered Frank.

I felt his hands on my hips as he forced himself in me. Each thrust was like being stabbed by a red hot poker. When I felt him climax in me, it sent waves of pain up inside me as I heard him groan in sick perverted pleasure.

"YOUR ASS IS AS GOOD AS A GIRL'S TWAT!" ,decided Chad.

"COME ON! BRO! LET'S TEACH IT HOW TO BE A WOMAN!, commanded Chad.

"YOUR ASS IS AS GOOD AS A GIRL'S TWAT!" ,decided Chad.

"MY TURN!", laughed Frank.

I shuddered in agony and despair as I felt Chad pull out of me as Frank held me down so that he could assault my anus. Then I saw Chad in front of me with his schlong out, covered with my anal secretions and his semen.

"YES, BITCH! FROM YOUR TWAT!", he taunted.

"Why?" I gasped as my anus was violated again.

"BECAUSE WE CAN!"

I felt Frank groan as he pushed himself further in me, making Chad's assault pale in comparison as he rammed manhood up inside of me, as if by doing so, he was actually doing me a favor in sick his perverted pleasure.

"DAMN IT ALL! THIS IS A GOOD FUCK!"

"FRANK! I BET THAT THIS FAIRY GIVES A FINE BLOW JOB"

I had had enough! Just as Frank pulled out, I punched Chad in his gonads and mule kicked Frank in his goodies, "NOT ON YOUR LIVES! ASSHOLES!", I yelled as I succeeded in scrambling away to the restaurant's back door.

I rushed in, seeing that Gary Sanford had come out to empty the trashcans into the dumpster. When he saw me, he went pail as a ghost, seeing two big men writhing in pain and me in my torn and bloody uniform, racing towards him like a banshee.

"Jerri?" he asked as I sped by/

"Attacked! Help!" I yelled as I rushed in.

He wasted no time in dialing "911" for me, getting the Bay City Police out along with an ambulance from Bay City Memorial Hospital while I literally crashed in the Employee Lounge as my adrenalin fueled panic left me shaking in withdrawal.

I felt him hug me as I silently cried, reliving my assault, "Don't worry, Jerri. I've called the Police and you're parents/"

I smiled at him, thankful for his friendship, "Thanks, Gary," I murmured as I passed out from exhaustion.
End Of Part One
To Be Continued In My Despair-2

My Despair-2 By Stanman63 Thanks To JennaFL For Proofing And Nora Adrienne for editing Synopsis:After her brutal assault and rape, Terri learns about her past that helps her to start dealing with her pain as she sees that she can survive.

From My Despair-1
He wasted no time in dialing "911" for me, getting the Bay City Police out along with an ambulance from Bay City Memorial Hospital while I literally crashed in the Employee Lounge as my adrenalin fueled panic left me shaking in withdrawal.

I felt him hug me as I silently cried, reliving my assault, "Don't worry, Jerri. I've called the Police and you're parents/"

I smiled at him, thankful for his friendship, "Thanks, Gary," I murmured as I passed out from exhaustion.
[*][*][*]
When I awoke, I found myself in a private room in the hospital, wearing my Supergirl t-shirt with an IV drip in my left arm. Momma was sitting in a lounger with her ever present crochet bag, "Oh Baby! Are you feeling better?" she asked as she hugged me.'Why? Oh why did this have to happen? Why must she suffer like I did?'

"Oh Momma! It was horrible!" I exclaimed as tears flowed from my eyes.'Can I ever be free of this pain?'

She looked in the eye, "Sweetheart, I know the HELL that you are going through," she sighed.'As much as it pains me, I must let my child know that she is not alone in her pain,'

"You mean?" I asked in wonder.

"Yes, my Child. I too am the victim of rape," she admitted as she cried bitter tears of remembrance.

"What happened, Momma?"

She sat by me on the bed, holding my hands, "I was your age when it happened. Your Daddy and I were ice skating at Cascade Skating Rink," she said with a sad smile.

"You must have some happy memories about it, the way that your smiling."

"Oh, I do! Your Daddy looked delicious in his black denim coverall, and I wore a matching black skate dress with white tights and skate."

"DAMN! I wish that I had your outfit, but something tells me that it's gone," I sighed.

"It is, too bad. You'd look smashing in it."

"Oh? Why do you say that?"

She pulls out a picture showing her and Daddy in their skating attire, "Because you look like me when I was your age, except that my hair is blond, not red like yours is."

"Why do you still have this picture since you attacked while wearing it?"

She smiled ruefully, "Even though I did suffer that day, it was also the day that your daddy proposed to me," Momma whispered as she cried tears of Joy.

"OH MOMMA!" I said silently as I joined her in crying tears of Joy.
[*][*][*]
As a woman, I too long to hear my beloved propose marriage to me. Each proposal is different for every woman. As far as I know, every woman longs to hear her beloved ask for her hand in marriage, no matter if the beloved be man or woman.
[*][*][*]
"You understand," she stated.

"Yes, I do. True Love will always overcome any turmoil, if you let it."

"Well, True Love is a balm upon your Heart and Soul that helps you to: deal with, and forgive. But you will still have to deal with nightmares, at time."

"How long did it take for you?"

"Terri, it took me over a year of counseling before I was able to let go of the hatred in my Heart and forgive those who attacked me. When I succeeded, the nightmares pretty well went away."

"When do you have them, and are they the same ones?"

"The nightmares come: on the anniversary of the day it happened, on mine and your daddy's birthday, our wedding anniversary as well as whenever a loved one suffers. But I have a way of stopping them, too."

"How?"

"By taking a dose of Valium to repress REM sleep for a week. After that, I'm OK."

"I am glad for you, but right now, I seriously doubt if Valium would help me."

She hugged me, "How I wish that I could simply kiss it better, but unfortunately, you will have to deal not only with the physical, you will have to deal with the mental and emotional as well as facing your attackers in Court, she admitted.

"I know, Momma! But how can I ever be intimate with a man after this?" I implored, dreading even letting Grant or Daddy near me.

She took my chin in her right hand, "Do you trust your father?"

"Yes, but he is a man, and it was men who assaulted me and stripped my innocence away from me," I admitted.

"And just what do you think that your father would have done if he'd caught them in the act? HM?" 'She needs to confront her fear of men so that she can once again see him as her Daddy and let him be her Protector.'

Once I thought about it, I began to laugh out loud as I pictured what Daddy would do to them. After I had laughed myself silly and dried away my tears, I felt a great weight lift from me as I let go of my fear of men. But I still hated those vermin.

"Well? Momma gently asked with a smirk.

"Daddy would have "UNMANNED" them, turning them into "Eunuchs" without any anesthesia," I declared.

"And what about Grant?" 'She needs to decide if Grant is still the ONE for her.'

"What about him?"

"What would he do in the same situation?

"Same as Daddy," I said as I blushed.

"Do you love Grant?"'Dear Lord, Please let it be.'
[*][*][*]
I saw Daddy gently enter, carrying a frosty mug of my favorite soda; Diet Doctor Pepper. He sat it down on my tray and stand by Momma who smiled as he laid his hand on her shoulder.

He was the strong, silent type who proved his love for others by his actions, rather than in his words. He'd proven that when he'd married Momma after her ordeal.
[*][*][*]
"Yes, Momma! But what about him loving me after what happened?"

"I don't know about Grant, Honey. He and his family are still in Europe on vacation," she admitted, then looked up at Daddy.

"Princess, if he is the Knight that I think that he is, Grant will be there for you and not let his Uncle Leroy's bitterness sway him," assured Daddy as he hugged me.

I felt safe and assured in his presence. When I came out to my parents, Daddy started treating me as his Princess and the spare room became mine.

"But Daddy, that man is the mayor's best friend and owns Frank Henshaw Motors, providing the city with it's fleet of cars and trucks."

"So?"'How sweet for my Princess to put my welfare ahead of her own needs. Before she told us about herself, I already knew and accepted. That's why I had the spare bedroom made ready for her and turned the basement into a guy’s dorm, the attic into a ladies dorm for visitors.'

"He also has connections in the business community and can easily blackball anybody who crosses him," I admitted in fright.

Daddy chuckled, "Don't I know it, Princess. But as much of a tyrant that he can be, he and the mayor have someone who is their equal," he admitted with a smirk.

"Who, Daddy?"'Hate to toot my own horn, but she needs to know that she has very strong support.'

He pointed to himself, " Me."

"WHAT?"

"Princess, as an Eagle Scout, Scoutmaster, and Head Coach, I know the people who really run the city, that includes the criminal element." You're not involved with the people who deal in drugs and prostitution, are you?"

"No, I work with the homeless and drifters to make sure that they have food and shelter."

Then I remembered all of the people selling stuff at the stadiums and the Bay City Civic Center, "You mean those guys who sell all of those wonderful knick knacks?"

"Exactly. They make them in local church basements from donated supplies, or from items bought in bulk from TV offers."

"And just how does that make you as powerful as the mayor?"

"Simple really. With all of the people that I have helped by getting my friends to hire them and their donating their skills to help refurbish old homes for resale, I know who to call to stop anything the mayor wants to do."

"Really?"

"Yes. Remember how the mayor wanted to have Superintendent Wayne Gosford fired for expelling his sons from Bay City High School for possession of weed?"

"Yeah! The mayor made a bigger fuss about it than he did. In fact, it was the mayor who actually blabbed it to the media," I giggled as I saw where Daddy was heading.

"Yes, And because of that, the local media supported Wayne, forcing the mayor to relent and hire a tutor for his boys. Best of all, it got me on good terms with the media and the Bay City Police."

"How is that?"

"Commissioner John Elliot called in the FBI to investigate the Bay City Police for corruption, leading to an ongoing investigation throughout the city."

"That's way cool, Daddy. Just how far has the investigation gone?"

Daddy smiled, "The FBI began digging into their files and working with the local media, have been able to clear most of the City's employees of corruption. In fact, only District Attorney Maxwell King's department is left."

"The department that will be handling any evidence in my case against those attackers?"

"Yes, if you choose to file a suit against them."

"Have the police been here to gather evidence?"

"Yes, and now that you have made your choice the FBI will be providing you with much needed protection."

"But why do I need protection?"

"Because the mayor will do his damndest to stop you from testifying against his kids. But I have a way to help you, Princess."

"How is that?"
[*][*][*]
End Of Part Two
To Be Continued In My Despair-3

My Despair-3 By Stanman63 Thanks To JennaFL For Proofing And Nora Adrienne for editing Synopsis:After her brutal assault and rape, Terri learns about how her daddy will help her, now that she is testifying, and she meets her brother who she has not seen since the attack.

From My Despair-2
"Yes, Momma! But what about him loving me after what happened?"

"I don't know about Grant, Honey. He and his family are still in Europe on vacation," she admitted, then looked up at Daddy.

"Princess, if he is the Knight that I think that he is, Grant will be there for you and not let his Uncle Leroy's bitterness sway him," assured Daddy as he hugged me.

I felt safe and assured in his presence. When I came out to my parents, Daddy started treating me as his Princess and the spare room became mine.

"But Daddy, that man is the mayor's best friend and owns Frank Henshaw Motors, providing the city with its fleet of cars and trucks."

"So?"'How sweet for my Princess to put my welfare ahead of her own needs. Before she told us about herself, I already knew and accepted. That's why I had the spare bedroom made ready for her and turned the basement into a guy’s dorm, the attic into a ladies dorm for visitors.'

"He also has connections in the business community and can easily blackball anybody who crosses him," I admitted in fright.

Daddy chuckled, "Don't I know it, Princess. But as much of a tyrant that he can be, he and the mayor have someone who is their equal," he admitted with a smirk.

"Who, Daddy?"'Hate to toot my own horn, but she needs to know that she has very strong support.'

He pointed to himself, “Me."

"WHAT?"

"Princess, as an Eagle Scout, Scoutmaster, and Head Coach, I know the people who really run the city, that includes the criminal element." You're not involved with the people who deal in drugs and prostitution, are you?"

"No, I work with the homeless and drifters to make sure that they have food and shelter."

Then I remembered all of the people selling stuff at the stadiums and the Bay City Civic Center, "You mean those guys who sell all of those wonderful knick knacks?"

"Exactly. They make them in local church basements from donated supplies, or from items bought in bulk from TV offers."

"And just how does that make you as powerful as the mayor?"

"Simple really, with all of the people that I have helped by getting my friends to hire them and their donating their skills to help refurbish old homes for resale, I know who to call to stop anything the mayor wants to do."

"Really?"

"Yes. Remember how the mayor wanted to have Superintendent Wayne Gosford for expelling his sons from Bay City High School for possession of weed?"

"Yeah! The mayor made a bigger fuss about it than he did. In fact, it was the mayor who actually blabbed it to the media," I giggled as I saw where Daddy was heading.

"Yes, And because of that, the local media supported Wayne, forcing the mayor to relent and hire a tutor for his boys. Best of all, it got me on good terms with the media and the Bay City Police."

"How is that?"

"Commissioner John Elliot called in the FBI to investigate the Bay City Police for corruption, leading to an ongoing investigation throughout the city."

"That's way cool, Daddy. Just how fr has the investigation gone?"

Daddy smiled, "The FBI began digging into their files and working with the local media, have been able to clear most of the City's employees of corruption. In fact, only District Attorney Maxwell King's department is left."

"The department that will be handling any evidence in my case against those attackers?"

"Yes, if you choose to file a suit against them."

"Have the police been here to gather evidence?"

"Yes, and now that you have made your choice, the FBI will be providing you with much needed protection."

"But why do I need protection?"

"Because the mayor will do his damndest to stop you from testifying against his kids! But I have a way to help you, Princess."

"How is that?"
[*][*][*]
"He will either hire thugs, or have certain cops that do his dirty work for him. Either way, he will try to stop you."

I began to laugh as madness overtook me. Here I was, a pre-operative transsexual woman who had been brutally raped by students infamous for their escalating acts of criminal mischief that culminated in my assault.

"Terri?" asked Momma as Daddy held my convulsing form.

I was laughing so hard that I looked as if I was having an epileptic seizure. My brother and I both have a genetic predisposition for Epilepsy because Momma and Daddy each have the dormant genetic tag for Epilepsy, but as long as neither of us suffers a trauma, we will not have any seizures.

"Sorry, Momma. But the very idea of that person: Mayor Anthony Thorpe actually caring enough for those vermin to put a price on my head struck me as a most bitter irony," I explained in a whisper.

Daddy shook his head slowly with a grim look on his face, "It's all for his benefit, not his sons who are not even his," he said.

"WHAT?"

"Mayor Anthony Thorpe contracted testicular cancer while in college. I should know, Doctor Anton Bell was the surgeon who operated on him," Daddy grinned.

"You mean that the very same surgeon who runs the Bay City Medical Center?" Momma asked.

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"Simple, he might have been rewarded for what he did for Mayor Thorpe by supposedly saving his sperm so that the Mayor could sire children, but his sperm was sterile."

"Then whose children are they?"

"Deputy Mayor Augustus Sebastian Reinaldo's"

"You mean to tell me that those boys are related to the Mayor's first cousin?" I asked in awe.

"Yes, but I seriously doubt that he knows for sure."
[*][*][*]
Then what Daddy said hit me like a ton of bricks. I began to shake from another seizure as the news overloaded my over stressed brain.

Augustus Sebastian Reinaldo was related because their grandfather Olsen Bartholomew Thorpe had a son, (the mayor) and a daughter: Cheryl Anne Thorpe who married Augustus Sebastian Reinaldo and died in childbirth. In order to continue the legacy and prevention of Olsen Bartholomew Thorpe from being liquidated and given to charity, Mayor Anthony Thorpe must sire a son according to the will of Olsen Bartholomew Thorpe.

How could any man not want to know if his children were his or not? Was Daddy unique in his love for us??

Daddy looked over at me and sighed, "I myself cannot fathom why Mayor Anthony Thorpe nor Deputy Mayor Augustus Sebastian Reinaldo continue with the charade, because there is evidence that they both know," he said as he left for work.

"You better go take a shower and wash up honey. You're father is livid, especially after hearing who attacked you. Please, go change after a good hot, soaking shower."

"OK, Momma, I do feel super yucky."

"Good, because your daddy doesn't want to see you like this."

"Why not?"

"Because he feels that he has failed you"

"WHAT?"

"He feels that he should have taught you how to defend yourself, or made sure that you had an escort to your car."

"What will he do now?"

"Teach you how to fight, I promise you that much."

"Didn't do any good for me, did it? I know Judo and Karate, but I couldn't defend myself when I needed to."

"True, but you were not taught to rely on yourself, which your daddy feels is his fault since he taught you and your brother."

"Well, I'm not changing, Mother. I've been raped; I have to deal with it! I refuse to stop being myself!"

Momma hugged me, "That's the spirit!"
[*][*][*]
I got into the shower and cleaned my body as best I could, but found that anything touching my backside caused extreme pain. I knew that it was psychological on my part because I'd been laying and sitting down. Pretty soon, I had overcome that hurdle by not giving in, but what other obstacles did I have to face?
[*][*][*]
My dad, as angry as he was, never touched me. I knew that he was saving his anger for those who deserved it, even himself. I couldn't let him condemn himself for what happened to me, nor to Momma. So, I hugged him, which surprised him enough so that he sat down. I got in his lap like I used to do when I was littler.

"Daddy, forgive yourself for me. OK?"

"But Punkin, I failed you."

"No, you didn't! Nor did you fail Momma!"

He looked at me as if I was a Life Guard and he was floundering in calm water, "She told you about it. I knew that she would," he sighed as he firmed his resolve.

"Daddy, you are our Knight in Shining Armor."

"Thank you, Punkin. Do you know what your mother went through? The humiliation?"

"Not really, no."

"After her rape, the police and ER did their job. But when she got home, her dad stood there looking like she was trash."

"MY God! What sort of person was he?"

"Terri, he was a dogmatic Baptist. He saw her as a whore because she wore those short skirts."

"WHAT! Momma's skirts are just above the knee!"

"Yes, and that's how she always dresses. But he was a very firm believer in Puritan ethics and mores."

"Meaning that because Momma didn't dress like she was back in yesteryear, he saw her as a slut."

"Yes, she still wearing the blood stained clothes, hair a mess, and makeup streaked, waiting for the first blow."

"Did he hit her?"

"No, but his words were just as bad. He called her a harlot, seductress, and accused her of wanting it rough."

"Did nobody defend her?"

"Yes, me and her mother. Once it became apparent that his god was more important than his daughter, her mother filed and was granted a divorce."

"DAMN! Now I know why we never have paid our respects in any fashion. But what about Grandma Morgan?"

"She still alive. But her mind went thanks to Alzheimer. Right now, she remembers nothing."

"When did it start?"

"Soon after you were born, as if she was keeping the disease at bay until she knew that you were alright."

I looked him in the eye, "No, Daddy, she finally gave up her memory so that she could forget the horrors that she'd seen and experienced."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because a beast, such as the person that sired children upon her would not show any remorse, only anger over divorce."

"Is there a way for her to return?"

"I don't know, Daddy. Perhaps if she was to find out that the mayor was behind bars that may be enough."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, except for his supporting those boys, he has a clean record. Right?"

"True. He has been a stalwart politician who has not been involved in any schemes to personally benefit himself, or others or defraud the city in any way. If he was, we'd have stopped him long ago."
[*][*][*]
Then I saw my brother enter in looking good in his scruffily jeans, sneakers, red sweat shirt with a Star Fleet Engineering logo and his Letterman Jacket.

"BRO!" I yelled as he caught me in a bear hug.

"Hiya, Squirt. I see that you're making sure that Momma has to use her Woolite on her blouses, again," he teased. I was always one to cry while watching a good movie.

"Tommy, have you taken care of things?" asked Daddy.

"What things?"

"Terri, your Daddy asked for your brother Tommy Todd to pick up your school assignments until the end of the semester for you," Momma told me as he handed me the first of many sheets of typed paper. In order to save funds, the Board Of Education had decide to purchase a limited number of books and have students use electronic books filled with the correct text books with an up sweep in student's grades.

So far, enough savings had been done to pay for a Student Center near City Hall with a Student Center being planned for each school.

"Thanks! I totally forgot about classes. Now I can keep up with my schoolwork."

"You do that Sissy. I can't have you dropping out on our contest to see which of us is the Valedictorian and which of us is the Salutatorian, this year.' challenged Tommy Todd.
[*][*][*]
End Of Part Three
To Be Continued In My Despair-4

My Despair-4 By Stanman63 Thanks To JennaFL For Proofing And Nora Adrienne for editing Synopsis:After she meets her brother who she has not seen since the attack, Terri is reminded of their life long rivalry, but all too son, reality enters as she hear news that causes her to despair.

From My Despair-3
Then I saw my brother enter in looking good in his scruffily jeans, sneakers, red sweat shirt with a Star Fleet Engineering logo and his Letterman Jacket.

"BRO!" I yelled as he caught me in a bear hug.

"Hiya, Squirt. I see that you're making sure that Momma has to use her Woolite on her blouses, again," he teased. I always one to cry while watching a good movie.

"Tommy, have you taken care of things?" asked Daddy.

"What things?"

"Terri, your Daddy asked for your brother Tommy Todd to pick up your school assignments until the end of the semester for you," Momma told me as he handed me the first of many sheets of typed paper. In order to save funds, the Board Of Education had decide to purchase a limited number of books and have students use electronic books filled with the correct text books with an up sweep in student's grades.

So far, enough savings had been done to pay for a Student Center near City Hall with a Student Center being planned for each school.

"Thanks! I totally forgot about classes. Now I can keep up with my schoolwork."

"You do that Sissy. I can't have you dropping out on our contest to see which of us is the Valedictorian and which of us is the Salutatorian, this year," challenged Tommy Todd.
[*][*][*]
Ever since we were little, Tommy Todd and I had been the smartest students in our grade. T.T. excelled in sports, while my domain was always more intellectual with chess.

I could see the anger in my brother's eyes over my ordeal which came out in his seemingly idle banter that hid a fury over my ordeal best not to tempt. In the past, some students from rival Eastmont High School had broken onto the Bay City High School campus and trashed the schooner that Bay City Queen that Bay City High School alumni Governor Anne Novack had dedicated fifty years ago.

The Bay City Queen stayed moored at a dock at Bay City Pier next to the Bay City Water Park where we had fun at our own amusement park filled with water themed rides, a roller coaster, bumper cars, a petting zoo as well as an arcade and skateboard rink.

When they trashed the Bay City Queen, they also caused damage to the water park, forcing it to be closed before the Labor Day Festival where the Bay City Water Park shut down, leaving only the Bay City Queen open.

Tommy Todd took the Bay City High School Cavaliers and found the football team Eastmont High School Green Wave and they basically hauled them back to the scene of their crime and forced them to clean up the mess that they made and extracted funds from them to finance the repairs that they couldn't do.

But now he was all too ready to commit violence on my behalf, simply waiting to see if he was needed in that capacity. But as much as he wanted to deal out justice, I wanted too even more. Living with this humiliation was almost too much. If they got off, I would end it all with a gun. Murder is easy when you have no hope.

As much as much family and friends loved me, I was clinically depressed and suicidal. I was holding on for them, not me. I wanted to die in order to escape from my pain, but at the same time, I didn't want to put them through the ordeal of dealing with my suicide.

So, in order to deal with my dilemma, I chose to let the Court decide our fate of Life or Death; a conviction would mean that we lived, anything else would mean our deaths. It took Shelly to pierce through my despair and see my resolve and help Daddy to plan on how to stop me.
[*][*][*]
Shelly was really wonderful. Under her guidance, I told her about how I had come out to my family and their reactions to me. Through her eyes I saw how they truly felt about me and how my news affected them.

Daddy thought that I was making a mistake in wanting to be a girl, yet he also saw in me an inner fire that would not be quenched which in a way, pleased him. He was proud that I had chosen to be myself and became my champion.

Mother was worried that I would never be able to look like a girl, but when the hormones and blockers I became a younger version of her, she knew that I was safe and I rely became her daughter.

As for my twin brother Tommy Todd who looked just like Daddy, when he found out, the only real change was that now instead of him bating me in sports, I tended to match him as I entered into the Girl's Athletic Program and played on their teams as well as cheered.

But when Grant learned about the new me, he knew that we would never again be the classic Three Musketeers. He now saw me as Maid Marion of Robin Hood, Bonnie of Bonnie and Clyde, Lois Lane to his Superman, as well as Selina Kyle to his Bruce Wayne.

I told Shelly about how I went out in public as a girl at the Ice Rink wearing a gold colored dress and how scared and excited I was as well as the grounding that I got for defying curfew. But as mad as my parent were, they were even more proud that I had the gumption to be so brazen as to challenge their authority as well as daring anybody to pierce my disguise.

As I got older, I earned the right to wear makeup,and get my ears pierced. By the time that I was entering Bay City Middle School, my school I.D. Card listed me as Terri Lynn: Female. And thanks to Daddy, I had started on blockers that totally feminized my body for me.

I was very fortunate in that my body accepted the blockers as permission to develop as a girl. I began to develop during the summer before my freshman year at Bay City Middle School and stared wearing a trainer. By the time that school started, I was an "A" cup that matured into a "C" cup in my freshman year in High School.

Best of all, I was accepted as a girl in Bay City Middle School and Bay City Middle School thanks to the open mind policy about the LGBT Community by the Bay City Board Of Education.

Thanks to the blockers, I went through a female puberty as my body accepted the blockers and started producing estrogen in place of testosterone. My hips grew wider and my body fat distributed to my hips and chest to give me a girly figure.

Oh, I was still a boy in my groin, but it was basically functioning as a means of urinary outlet and was easily hidden by my panty. To keep my from developing complications, I went to Mother's gynecologist Doctor Joanne McCoy. Momma went to college with her where Doctor McCoy specialized in holistic psychiatric medicine.

She was a firm believer in treating the entire person, she was a Psychiatrist who used the concept of holistic medicine to help her patients. She preferred to prescribe herbs and spices over pills and worked with her husband Markus Leonard McCoy who owned and operated a restaurant that used only eco-friendly range free meat, dairy and organic produce from local farmers.

They were firm believers in farming the way that our fore fathers did before the mega farms had ruined the land with chemical based fertilizers over organic fertilizers and rotation farming where crops were rotated so that one crop would prepare he soil for another.

When they read in the Bible where Israel was given the concept by God, they laughed because both were devout Christians who devoted much of their spare time to helping at in the Bay City Community Center.

There, she was the on call physician who operated the Bay City Community Center Medical Center where she dispensed her brand of medicine which both students and parents loved as she kept the Bay City Community Center Canteen filled with natural sweets, juices and salads that made playing there a treat.

According to her, when I started on my treatment, I was as healthy as any other girl my age and there was no need to have an orchiectomy as my testes were not cancerous. But during my freshman summer vacation in Bay City High School, I had it done as by then, they were starting to show signs of cancer.

The doctor was able to take the skin and with very small saline pouches, stretched the skin and manipulated it into a set of groin hugging mounds that looked natural, leaving my penis alone so that my panty was flush with my groin, leaving no bulge.
[*][*][*]
Yes, Tommy Todd was there for me when I heard the dreaded news that the case was dismissed due to lack of evidence.
[*][*][*]
End Of Part Four
To Be Continued In My Despair-5

My Despair-5 By Stanman63 Thanks To JennaFL For Proofing And Nora Adrienne for editing Synopsis:After After Terri's fiancée Grant arrives to remind her that he has never stopped loving her and why, she feels joy only to despair of life and plan her retaliation against her attackers. But she decides to postpone it when her father intervenes with his plan of action that ends the evil.

From My Despair-4
Yes, Tommy Todd was there for me when I heard the dreaded news that the case was dismissed due to lack of evidence.
[*][*][*]
But that came later, after I had been released from the Bay City Memorial Hospital Emergency Room.

I heard a ring and saw my brother answer her cell phone, "Hello?"

He frowned as he listened to his caller.

"OK, Grant. I'll be right there, bud."

"May I speak to him?" I pleaded.

Tommy smiled as he tossed me his cell, "Keep it down, Sis, can't have my phone gunked up with you slobbering it up with your kisses," he teased.

"Oh, hush," I shot back with a smile.

I heard a chuckle from the cell as I brought it up to my ear, "Really, now. Should we not wait till I get there to 'snog' as our Brit friends say?"

"I guess that we should, but when will you be here?"

"Just as soon as T.T. brings me."

"OK, be waiting for you, my Love."

"Same, here, Sweetie."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I handed the cell back to my brother, "Gotta go and get Grant from his place."

Momma kissed him, "Take care, son."

Daddy clapped him on his shoulder, "Be safe, Sport."
[*][*][*]
I saw a petite blond wearing a red skirt suit with pink hose, black flats enter, "Hello. there, Terri, I am Doctor Mandy Sewell, your physician," she said with a smile.

"What's up, Doc?"

She laughed softly as she looked at the Doctor Mandy Sewell I.D. with Bugs Bunny on it, "Well, I DO love to eat carrots."

"Doc, are you here about my cousin's lab results?"

"Yes, I am," she affirmed, then looked at me. "Are you ready, Miss?"

I smiled at her, "Thank you, Ma'am. Even though I am still officially male, I see myself as a girl. Yes. I am ready."

She passed over my folder to Momma, "There was abuse of sphincter and semen in the anal area as well as within with bruising from assault."

What about oral?"

"Unfortunately, there is no evidence of any oral sex. Not even ant skin samples on your teeth. But there is evidence upon your clothing as well as your attackers evidence from their visit to the Emergency Room," she completed.

"That is if they don't have a way to circumvent letting the evidence go public," groused Daddy.

She came over and held my hand, "Sweetheart, I've seen too many girls like you come through the Emergency Room to see you as anything BUT a girl! In fact, I treat girls like you here at the hospital to make sure that you're healthy."

"Thanks, Doc! It's nice to know that you see me as a girl, even though I still have my male parts," I confessed.

"Ma'am, what kind of creeps would hurt a girl like my Princess?"

"Religious nut cases who do it to serve their 'god', homophobes and some who get off on it, sir," she replied.

"Well, it must have been the last," sighed Momma.

"Did you tell the school about your transitioning?"

"Yes, Ma'am. My therapist, Doctor Anna Blackburn said that telling the school that I was about to start living as a girl so that they could deal with any fallout."

She smiled, "Anna has been a boon and blessing to girls like you. I have sent those who I see to her."

"How many are as young as my daughter?" asked Daddy.

"They range from young teens that’ve just started on their journey all the way up to senior citizens."

"SENIOR CITIZENS?" asked Momma in wonder.

"Yes, Ma'am. Some don't get the chance to transition until later in life and some choose to wait."

"Are there any who start really young?"
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/15665/kellys-journeyrevised
"Yes, Kelly Lee Moore, She knew when she was a toddler and in time, transitioned and married her best friend."

"Did she suffer as I am?"

"Yes, she had to deal with a lunatic pastor who caused her and her family grief until he was dealt with. But now she is happily married."

Momma looked at me, "Child, you are not the only one. There are others."

"I know, Momma. But are there any who've transitioned because of grief?"

"Why do you ask that question?" asked the doctor.

"Because I fear that my fiancée Grant may seek vengeance on my behalf if there is no justice for me."
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/13544/terri039s-vengeance
"Well, Terry, Emanuel, Scott sought vengeance for the deaths of his wife and daughter. But he had a secret, too."

"He was a girl like me?"

"Close, he dressed as a girl while growing up, but when he met his wife, he stopped because of love."

"Why did he not tell her?" asked Daddy.

"She knew, but he never had the need to dress while his family lived. It was in seeking vengeance that Terri was born and found a new love after her vengeance was complete."

"You mean that in seeking her vengeance, she was rewarded with her new gender and new family," I asked.

Exactly! She became Terri Emma Hawk and was even able to conceive."

I began to cry as her words hit me in my Heart of Hearts, 'Is it possible? Can I be a birth mother and know the feel of carrying a child in me and the wondrous pain and joy of childbirth that Momma knows?' I thought.

Daddy held me in his arms as I cried myself out and soaked his shirt, thoroughly, "You OK, Princess?"

"Yes, Daddy," I sighed.

Momma wiped my brow with a cool compress, "Why the tears?"

Doctor Sewell looked at me, "Was it because of what I said?"

"Yes, before now, I never believed that I could be a Mother like Momma. Now, I can, according to you."

"When you're ready, come to my office and we can discuss the possibilities."
[*][*][*]
After she left, I saw an elderly man dressed in a rumpled charcoal suit that had seen better days enter. I got the impression that he deliberately dressed like this because although the suit was rumpled, he and it was clean.

"Excuse me, but why are you here?"

"Miss Terri?" he asked, sounding and looking like a black Humfrey Bogart with a Bronx accent.

"I am. And who the hell are you?"

"Detective Jasper Harper at your service, Ma'am."

"Why are you here?" asked Momma.

"Because of the attackers, Ma'am."

"What about Officer Jones who was on call in the< strong>Emergency Room?"

"Terri was in no shape at the time to give a statement. So, instead of having her come down to make it, I'm here to take it."

I gave him my statement and he left his business card and left. That should have been it, but it wasn't as we found out.
[*][*][*]
We went home to find my brother and Grant waiting for us. They'd mowed the lawn and trimmed the hedges that delineated the yard's boundaries and had the wooden gate open for us. The brick walkway was bordered with Christmas lights that were blinking in a pattern that led up to the front door that sported a rainbow on the glass of the door.
[*][*][*]
The house was a two story four bedroom brick full attic and basement with a screened in front and back porch. The front porch was our outdoor grill with a mini kitchen from an RV and folding tray and recliners.

The living room/home theater was on the right and den/library on the left. The only difference was that the den had a computer instead of a home entertainment center, but both had bookshelves and comfy sofas with a microwave and fridge full of sodas and microwave ready food.

the kitchen/dining room was behind the living room and utility/laundry behind the den with a bathroom behind the kitchen and tool shed for gardening and Dad's tools behind the laundry.

The basement was our pantry and storm cellar setup as a one room apartment while the attic held our trunks, treasures and game room. Best of all, Tommy and I had our own bedroom next to each other with separate bathrooms, like the master bedroom and guest room.
[*][*][*]
Daddy chuckled as he drove his Ford Transit van into the driveway, "those two have cooked something up, Princess. Be ready."

"Daddy, just what should I get ready for?"

"A 'Welcome Home' Party," informed Momma.

"Way cool"

As we entered the house, I expected for them to do something special, but they were not in a party mood.

"What's wrong, Bro?"

"We have no case, Sis."

"WHAT?"
[*][*][*]
End Of Part Five
To Be Continued In My Despair-6

My Despair-6 By Stanman63 Thanks To JennaFL For Proofing And Nora Adrienne for editing Synopsis:After arriving home to find Terri's fiancee Grant and her brother have grim news, her father sets a plan into motion and Grant reminds her that he has never stopped loving her and why. Then at the trial, she feels joy only to despair of life when the evidence is gone, forcing a mistrial and case closed..

From My Despair-5
[*][*][*]
Daddy chuckled as he drove his Ford Transit van into the driveway, "Those two have cooked something up, Princess. Be ready."

"Daddy, just what should I get ready for?"

"A 'Welcome Home' Party," informed Momma.

"Way cool"

As we entered the house, I expected for them to do something special, but they were not in a party mood.

"What's wrong, Bro?"

"We have no case, Sis."

"WHAT?"
[*][*][*]
"WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED?!", demanded Daddy.

"I just got off of the phone with Janice Larton, his secretary. She says that he just got the report on the incident from the police and the ER.

"What does that mean, Daddy?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"That means that the mayor and his crony can cause the case against those two to be dropped. IF the judge does not have the facts, that is."

"Okay, Dad. Just what are you planning?"

"Simple, Tommy Todd, Making sure that he has the evidence."

Grant hugged me, "Don't worry, Terri. We will take care of things."

"But why Grant? Aren’t you the Deputy Mayor's nephew?"

He snarled with a hatred that scared and comforted me with its purity, "I wish that I was not a part of that family! The only reason that my damned uncle acknowledges my existence is that Trust Fund that Grandpa Welch set up!"

Momma held his chin, "Gerrold Welch was a very good man, Grant. He passed on before you were born."

"I know, Momma Boyles. If not for him, I'd not have been able to do what I did when Terri got hurt."

"What did you do, Son?" asked Daddy as I saw him cry silently.

"Tell them what you told me, bro," added Tommy.

Grant smiled at being called 'Son', "I moved out of the Welch Estate into my log cabin up the road."

"But I thought that you had to stay with your uncle."

"No, Princess. Judge Larry Stanford showed me that I was paying for the utilities from my Trust Fund. When I moved out, that stopped."

When did you learn this?"

"When Momma got pregnant with me, Grandpa Welch wanted to make sure that they had everything they needed as well as my Aunt Jo. But how could he know what that @$$ Uncle Bastard would become?"

Daddy began to chuckle, then let out a rip roaring laugh that left him crying, "Uncle Bastard? I love it! Much better than Deputy Mayor Augustus Sebastian Reinaldo."

"And fits him much better too. Augustus and Sebastian means venerable or worthy of worship, respect. He is neither. Same as Mayor Anthony Thorpe."

"But your Auntie Jo is not like him, is she?"

"I know, that's part of why I am here. She is an innocent in all of this. She truly is the epitome of grace and beauty who Chairs all of those Committees. I'm hoping that she can be spared any trouble, but I don't know if her Committees are corrupted."

"Grant, I've already checked into the City Government. The only corruption is the corruption of the evidence on Terri's assault."

"That's good, because she and Miss Mona can replace those bigots once the truth is told."

"Yeah! Replace the husbands with their wives," I observed.

Grant smiled, "If only that were true," he sighed. But then, how could I marry Terri?"

"You're worried about political repercussions hurting them," stated Momma.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Don't be, Son. Let me and my associates take care of things. We know where the skeletons are and will make sure that the Ladies are elected."

"What about Terri?"

"We will deal with that, too."
[*][*][*]
We had one hell of a rip roaring celebration that lasted all weekend. I was glad that our property had brick walls on the perimeter that prevented anybody from sneaking up on us. Daddy had purchased the Tutwiler Estate when the city auctioned it off to pay for back taxes when he married Momma.

The Tutwiler Estate consisted of an acre front lawn perfect for outdoor activities, a driveway that circled to the garage/pool house in back and four foot deep screened in pool with picnic table. Best of all, the estate was surrounded by the on ramp on one side and the freeway on the other.

Except for Grant's Log Cabin on Tutwiler Road, the Tutwiler Estate was all alone, which seemed poetic when one considered Grant and me. We'd met in school and had become best friends. When I told him that I was a girl, he accepted me, like his mother, Aunt Jo and Miss Mona. But not anybody of their families.
[*][*][*]
Monday, we were in Judge Hector Grant's Court Room. He looked regal in his robe and graying hair that hid a bright wit and razor sharp mind that brooked no dissension. More than one attorney and client had felt his thundering edict when they tried his patience.

He was chosen for his honesty and fairness. His record for harsh treatment of sexual offenders made him my ideal choice, which made it unusual for the mayor to allow it without balking. But we would find out why, all too soon.

Judge Hector Grant entered the Court Room and sat down, "Bailiff, present the case."

"Jerry Lynn Boyles vs Franklin Randall Thorpe and Chadwick Reginald Thorpe on charges of First Degree sexual Assault."

"How do you plead,"

"I have been informed to enter a plea of 'Not Guilty' because of lack of evidence.” informed Attorney Hastings.

"Your Honor, there was evidence that has been destroyed or made unavailable," said Daddy.

"If there is no evidence, then I must dismiss the case."

"Your Honor, I have been attacked by them. Is there no way to make them pay?"

He cleared his throat, "Miss. Even though the State cannot prosecute them, you can still sue them"

"Yes, Your Honor."

Then with his gavel, he sealed my fate," Case dismissed.

Hey, Terri, can't wait till we meet again," he chided

Then I saw red and felt an electrical shock that sent me into oblivion.
[*][*][*]
I awoke in a cell with bars on the door, "What happened?"

"Ma'am. You were tasered to prevent you from attacking."

"They deserved it. Am I to go to jail?"

"No, His Honor has you here to make sure that the taser did you no harm. Your family is waiting for you."

"Don't know why," I sighed.

She slapped on my thigh, "GIRL! THEY LOVE YOU!"

"But I failed to bring those bastards to justice."

"Girl, I am Maureen Novack I am here to help you."

"Why?"

"Because I know what you've been through."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Are you like me?"

"No, I am post op and was post op when I was attacked," she sighed.

"Did they,,,,"

"Yes, I was no longer a virgin, there."

"Do you still have nightmares?"

"Yes, but not as often, nor as bad. Thank to my husband, Brad."

"I hope that I am as lucky. But, I have no hope."

She hugged me, "I also felt that way, but thanks to my family, I found Hope."

"You think that I can?"

"Yes."
[*][*][*]
My family and Grant tried to console me on the way home, but I was in a fugue state that would not let me acknowledge them beyond a simple one word answer.

I wanted to end my agony in any way that I could. In my current frame of mind, I couldn't see myself as being loved. In my mind, I was a freak of nature, fit only for destruction. But even in my despair, I had an inner fire that was not to be denied.

I would kill my attackers, then myself to end my misery. They had used the System and were now free to continue their evil. I had no intention of being attacked again, or letting another suffer as I had.

Getting out of the car, i went straight to the den and got out Daddy's Winchester from the gun cabinet. Daddy had inherited the Family's Gun Collection that held the guns used by our kin from as far back as the Revolutionary War. All of the guns were kept in perfect working order minus the firing pins kept in his desk with the ammo.

"TERRI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" exclaimed Daddy when he saw me loading the gun.

"Getting ready to kill them, then myself."

"DON"T! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!"

"Speak, Daddy. But if you can't convince me to stop, I'll still do it, even if it takes a lifetime."

I have a way to stop them and their parents. Give me a chance. If I fail you, I will personally load the Winchester for you."

"Done."
[*][*][*]
End Of Part Six
To Be Continued In My Despair-7

My Despair-7 By Stanman63 Thanks To JennaFL For Proofing And Nora Adrienne for editing Synopsis:After agreeing to postpone her vengeance, Grant's visit starts restoring her Heart that not even lawn graffiti can totally undo as a visit from an unknown friend proves.

From My Despair-6
"TERRI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" exclaimed Daddy when he saw me loading the gun.

"Getting ready to kill them, then myself."

"DON"T! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!"

"Speak, Daddy. But if you can't convince me to stop, I'll still do it, even if it takes a lifetime."

I have a way to stop them and their parents. Give me a chance. If I fail you, I will personally load the Winchester for you."

"Done."
[*][*][*]
I felt empty and alone, not even Grant's company could lighten my mood. I was listless, answering question as if I was dead. I was getting ready for bed when Grant broke through my despair and gave me a glimpse of Hope.

"Terri, I can never understand what you're going through, but I am your Knight in shining armor and I Love you."

"Grant, have you been listening to Kenny Rogers again?"

"Yes, to be able to tell you how much I Love you."

"Grsnt. Don't. I am knelt before me and played the music for not worthy of Love," I sighed.

Then he knelt and played the music for Kenny Rogers' Lady and sang to me.

Lady, I'm your knight in shining armor and I love you
You have made me what I am and I am yours
My love, there's so many ways I want to say I love you
Let me hold you in my arms forever more

You have gone and made me such a fool
I'm so lost in your love
And oh, we belong together
Won't you believe in my song

Lady, for so many years I thought I'd never find you
You have come into my life and made me whole
Forever let me wake to see you each and every morning
Let me hear you whisper softly in my ear

In my eyes I see no one else but you
There's no other love like our love
And yes, oh yes, I'll always want you near me
I've waited for you for so long

Lady, your love's the only love I need
And beside me is where I want you to be
'Cause, my love, there's somethin' I want you to know
You're the love of my life, you're my lady

As he sang, my Heart began to thaw from the most bitter of Winter of my Despair. To survive, I had stopped letting myself feel anything but despair. In my Despair, I took refuge from hurt, now Grant's Love had broken through and revealed the crumbly foundation of the Lie that I'd chosen to Live.

"Grant! How can you ever Love me? I am an abomination," I sighed.

"Terri, ever since we met, I knew that you were a girl. That is why I was your Bestest Buddy, and why you are now my fiancee," he replied as he presented me with a diamond ring which made me laugh softly.

"Are you asking for my hand in marriage?"

"Yes, with another song."

"Song?"

"Yes. If you accept my offer, you will sing with me."
Love Will Turn You Around Kenny Rogers
You can run you can hide
never let it inside
Keep livin' your life in the dark
But sooner or later
that gentle persuader
Is gonna catch up with your heart
Make you a dreamer, believer
Believin' in love

Right when a man's
doin' all that he can
And he thinks he got
just what he needs
Life will deliver
a shock that will shiver
And drivin' him down to his knees
Make him start givin'
livin', livin' again

(chorus)
Love will turn you around, turn you around
Love will turn you around, turn you around
Turn you around

Well it's your mind
that tricks you in to
leavin' every time
Love will turn you around
turn you around
Well it's your heart
that talks you in to
stayin' where you are
Love will turn you around
turn you around

Out of the blue
she reaches for you
And you tell her
you don't have the time
So you move away fast
but you know it won't last
Cause you can't get her
off of your mind
Thoughts are burnin', turnin'
they're turning around

How do you know
when to stay or to go?
And how do you know
when it's real?
You don't need a sign
to make up your mind
When you got your heart
at the wheel
You wanna start sharin'
carin', carin' again

(chorus)

Love will turn you around, turn you around
Love will turn you around, turn you around
Turn you around

I sung the song with him as my Heart started to beat again as the ice and snow of a most bitter winter began to thaw. Now I could start seeing a world beyond my pain, and I had Grant to thank for that.

He looked at me, "Terri, I..."

"Grant, not now. Please."

After this is over," he stated.

"Yes."

"Then will we be married?"

"Yes."

Then he sang Marty Robbins' Cap And Gown.
Cap And Gown Marty Robbins

You'll be so pretty in your cap and gown.
But I'd imagine it's a wedding gown,
On our graduation day.

On your head,
You're gonna wear a graduation ring.
But I'd imagine it's a wedding ring,
On our graduation day.

When they sing,
The alma mater,
I will sing along,
But a voice deep down inside me,
Will sing the wedding song.

I love you,
And if my graduation wish comes true,
What I imagine you'd imagine too,
On our graduation day.

When they sing,
The alma mater,
I will sing along,
But a voice deep down inside me,
Will sing the wedding song.

I love you,
And if my graduation wish comes true,
What I imagine you'd imagine too,
On our graduation day.
[*][*][*]
Then he went home and I had a deep, restful sleep and awoke the net morning to find that somebody had placed a sign with my picture on it, but me dressed as a maid and letting any man have me.

When Daddy saw it, he made a few calls and secured the property against invasion. But the damage was done, grant's visit was as if it had never happened.
[*][*][*]
I felt empty and alone. I'd given my word to Daddy and I do not go back on my word. But what am I to do now? For the rest of day, I simply lay in bed, waiting for something to happen that'd restore my Hope. What I wasn't expecting was for the mayor's secretary to come to my rescue.

I was wearing a yellow terrycloth one piece romper with white hose when I saw a new red VW Beetle pull into the driveway and a blond wearing a charcoal gray skirt suit with a hem that barely covered her essentials got out and was escorted by Mom.

Why would Mom let a woman whose skirt rides up so that you can see her undies into the house? Is she here for me? I hope that for whatever reason that she is here for, sh isn't here for Daddy. That'd be too much.

"TERRI! COME DOWN PLEASE!" shouted Daddy.

"COMING!" I replied.

That lady was sitting demurely with her legs closed, hiding her panty, "Terri, I am Daisy Mae Crawford, Mayor Anthony Thorpe's secretary."

"Is that why you wear skirts that barely cover your rear?"

"Yes, the mayor has me dress in thigh high skirt suits for office work. I could cause problems about it, but the last one who did got canned."

"Have you thought about doing something for the one who got canned?"

"Yes, I have. It was Maggie Tinsdale, a fellow Sorority Sister."

"So, you're here to honor your Pledge to a Sister," I sighed.

"Yes, Terri. We Southern Belles have always upheld the virtue of women in the home and at work. During the Revolutionary War, and World War Two, women fought as hard as the men. And during the Civil War, it was the women that stayed home to defend the land."

"Kind of like Granny and Ellie Mae Clampett of the Beverly Hillbillies," I laughed.

"Yeah, but neither of them wore a dress like this."

"You look dynamite in that charcoal gray outfit, and the cream hose, black heels and blouse are perfect."

"Yes, and if I didn't wear a matching bloomer, I'd feel exposed."

"Okay, so you dress that way for the job. Is it worth it?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I'll let you decide."

"Oh?"

"Set back and listen to my tale."
[*][*][*]
End Of Part Seven
To Be Continued In My Despair-8

My Despair-8 By Stanman63 Thanks To JennaFL For Proofing And Nora Adrienne for editing! Synopsis:After hearing about the evidence and the fall of the Mayor and his crony, Her attacker hurt another girl which prompts a showdown.

From My Despair-7
[*][*][*]
I felt empty and alone. I'd given my word to Daddy and I do not go back on my word. But what am I to do now? For the rest of day, I simply lay in bed, waiting for something to happen that'd restore my Hope. What I wasn't expecting was for the mayor's secretary to come to my rescue.

I was wearing a yellow terrycloth one piece romper with white hose when I saw a new red VW Beetle pull into the driveway and a blond wearing a charcoal gray skirt suit with a hem that barely covered her essentials got out and was escorted by Mom.

Why would Mom let a woman whose skirt rides up so that you can see her undies into the house? Is she here for me? I hope that for whatever reason that she is here for, sh isn't here for Daddy. That'd be too much.

"TERRI! COME DOW< PLEASE!" shouted Daddy.

"COMING!" I replied.

That lady was sitting demurely with her legs closed, hiding her panty, "Terri, I am Daisy Mae Crawford, Mayor Anthony Thorpe's secretary."

"Is that why you wear skirts that barely cover your rear?"

"Yes, the mayor has me dress in thigh high skirt suits for office work. I could cause problems about it, but the last one who did got canned."

"Have you thought about doing something for the one who got canned?"

"Yes, I have. It was Maggie Tinsdale, a fellow Sorority Sister."

"So, you're here to honor your Pledge to a Sister," I sighed.

"Yes, Terri. We Southern Belles have always upheld the virtue of women in the home and at work. During the Revolutionary War, and World War Two, women fought as hard as the men. And during the Civil War, it was the women that stayed home to defend the land."

"Kind of like Granny and Ellie Mae Clampett of the Beverly Hillbillies," I laughed.

"Yeah, but neither of them wore a dress like this."

"You look dynamite in that charcoal gray outfit, and the cream hose, black heels and blouse are perfect."

"Yes, and if I didn't wear a matching bloomer, I'd feel exposed."

"OK, so you dress that way for the job. Is it worth it?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I'll let you decide."

"Oh?"

"Set back and listen to my tale."
[*][*][*]
"It was simple, the mayor and his crony were at their usual bar Spencer's. Since they know and trust me, I was able to get them to a secluded booth where they relaxed and unwound from the case against those two who attacked you, she smirked.

"OK, but what the hell did they say?"

"They had the evidence trashed by the attending physician's secretary."

"Trashed? Was it really trashed?"

"Actually, no."

"Then what? TELL ME!"

She smiled as she took my hand in her's, "Terri, I had to see if your Spirit was broken. It's not. I was worried because you'd despaired and was ready to take justice into your own hands," she confessed.

"I still may do it if am not satisfied that they've been dealt with," I huffed.

"They have, with style, too."

"Oh?"

"Guess his RANDY ideas about clothing got the better of him," I giggled.

"Indeed! He may be happily married, but if so, he is a lech. His wife and daughters sure as hell dress the same way and have been known to flirt."

"WOW!"

"I sat in a way that they saw up my skirt and waited while they appreciated the view. Then, as our drinks arrived, they began to talk about their success at circumventing justice."

"You mean that they trust you that much?"

Her mischievous smile said it all, "It was way too easy to hide my true feelings about their attitude about woman by seeming to enjoy dressing as they wanted because I do like to show off my legs to my hubby," she chortled.

"Daisy here entered every beauty pageant, growing up, so she is used to having men gawk at her," added her husband, John.

She placed a laptop in front of me and opened it up, "Here is the confession."
[*][*][*]
"Welcome, Daisy! Good news!", exclaimed Mayor Thorpe.

Sitting down, "What's the good news? Should I call the media?"

"That tranny's evidence of attack by Frank Thorpe and his brother Chad is gone, thanks to a well placed call", added Deputy Mayor Reinaldo.

"Who too?"

"District Attorney King's secretary."/

"Oh, I see. She shredded the evidence or falsified the reports. Good call."

"Why not celebrate with us? We can make it a threesome."

SLAP"You listen here, A$$HOLE! I am very happily married to Dennis! If you say anything else about such shit, I will tell the media and let you deal with the fallout!"

"Augie, don't let your dick write a check that your a$$ can't cash. Den is one of my most valuable allies at The Bugle. He has sat on more stories than I can count for us."

"Sorry, Ange for letting my mouth open up before my brain was in gear. Won't happen again."
[*][*][*]
"Yes, Daddy promised me that if I am not satisfied with what's done, then he will hand me a loaded gun with which to do the job."

"Good! but you also need to be prepared in case they get the drop on you like they did, before."

"Well, I did pretty good for a girl who was caught and I seriously doubt that those two will be hurting any other girls anytime soon."

"But what will you do if they start up again?"

"Use your martial arts training to stop them."

"What if that's not enough?"

Daddy held my hand, "Then my gun will end them, PERMANENTLY!"

I looked at him in thanks as my Heart readied itself for the battle ahead. Daddy's reaction told me that he'd had enough and that there would be a showdown to settle things once and for all.

"Very well, I was not here," she said as she left.
[*][*][*]
The next day's Bay City Gazette Showed the evidence of that illicit meeting:
Mayor And Deputy Mayor To Be Impeached

Mayor Anthony Thorpe Deputy Mayor Augustus Sebastian Reinaldo both left their respective offices up for reelection, hoping that their replacements would be amenable to bribery through Frank Henshaw Motors, the clearing house for their corruption.

But the entire city government was being purged of corruption, thanks to anonymous tips on evidence leading to the company's dealings with the city government. Working together, they'd provided stolen cars and parts for city vehicles as well as vehicles for delivering contraband.

Only the fact that their wives and adopted daughters were not listed as shareholders and evidence of their innocence kept them out of prison. Now, they are continuing their activities living in studio apartments after their divorces.
[*][*][*]
But for all of the fireworks, my attackers Frank and Chad were still at large. They'd gone to ground when Thorpe and Reinaldo tried to fade into the background, but found it impossible to do in the county, so they elected to borrow a motor home and trek out to a secluded cabin with Frank and Chad in order to start a new life using a Swiss Bank Account.

They'd holed up in an unlisted cabin built from a kits that gave them what was basically a set of studio apartments in a half circle with the motor home in the fence. The reason that it was unlisted was that it had it's own fresh water supplied by damming a stream to provide power as well as a supply of butane for cooking/heating.

Bay City and River County enjoyed a month free of any influence from the Franklin Randall Thorpe and Chadwick Reginald Thorpe They'd chosen to whore around with the local prostitutes. But it ended all too soon when they forced a girl to have sex, much as they'd done to me.
[*][*][*]
End Of Part Eight
To Be Continued In My Despair-9

My Despair-9 By Stanman63 Thanks To JennaFL For Proofing And Nora Adrienne for editing Synopsis:After getting her revenge, Terri's remorse over what has happened causes her to ask "WHY" and receive an answer that ends her despair.

From My Despair-8
"Terri, are you ready for your showdown?" asked Daddy.

"What do you mean?"

"Chad and Frank have sexually assaulted a girl. Her name is Whitney White."

"DAMN! She and her family moved away because of them."

Grant held me as I experienced a living nightmare of my assault, "Terri. want me there?"

"Yes, but what about...?"

"Thorpe and Reinaldo are now in custody for Grand Theft Auto for stealing that motor home and taking it across the State Line."

We got into Chad's rebuilt Dodge WC54It had everything that we'd need if it took awhile. Grant and Daddy loaded it up while I practiced with the gun at the local range along with a crossbow built for women. By the time that the camper was ready, I'd achieved my goal of bullseyeing the target.

We were able to locate the hidden cabin thanks to Daddy placing a few calls to the local businesses and were there, ahead of the posse. The local L.aw E.nforcement A.gencies had decided to work together to bring in the rapists, but we got there, first.

Chad and Frank were actually sunning themselves just outside of the cabin. I took careful aim with a tranquilizer dart filled with acid and hit them both in the groin, destroying their gonads and penis in a most painful fashion. We left just as the L.E.A. arrived, but I still had one thing left to do, confront them.
[*][*][*]
After they'd been seen to at Bay City General Hospital, I paid them a visit which put Fear into their hearts as their injury would serve as poetic justice.

"TERRI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"Chad, Frank. I heard through the grapevine about your injury," I sneered.

"Yeah, and who did it, bitch?"

"Why Frank, you have met your attacker.," I laughed.

"Do you now who?"

"Yes, Chad. And if you think about it, you can guess."

"IT WAS YOU!" they exclaimed.

"I will neither confirm, nor deny. But you two now have to deal with something that your injury will cause your notoriety in prison."

"Fat chance, Bitch!" sneered Chad.

"Yeah! we're going into the minimum security level, not with the Lifers," chuckled Frank.

"That may very well be. But that is only for a month at best. THEN you're fair game and are bound to become some Man's Sissy. Hope that you two enjoy it," I said as they quaked in fear.
[*][*][*]
After they'd been seen to at Bay City General Hospital, I paid them a visit which put Fear into their hearts as their injury would serve as poetic justice.

"TERRI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"Chad, Frank. I heard through the grapevine about your injury," I sneered.

"Yeah, and who did it, bitch?"

"Why Frank, you have met your attacker.," I laughed.

"Do you now who?"

"Yes, Chad. And if you think about it, you can guess."

"IT WAS YOU!" they exclaimed.

"I will neither confirm, nor deny. But you two now have to deal with something that your injury will cause your notoriety in prison."

"Fat chance, Bitch!" sneered Chad.

"Yeah! we're going into the minimum security level, not with the Lifers," chuckled Frank.

"That may very well be. But that is only for a month at best. THEN you're fair game and are bound to become some Man's Sissy. Hope that you two enjoy it," I said as they quaked in fear.
[*][*][*]
As I left, I began to question myself over my recent visit to my tormentors. As a Christian, should I relish their pain, fear and despair over my attack that had unmanned them so thoroughly? Would killing them have been a mercy? Was I even a Christian for wanting to hurt them as I did? Could I be Saved?

Before the attack, I'd been ready to go into the Ministry. Grant as a Pastor, me as a Youth Pastor/Minister of Music with my decided talents in music and Calling into the Ministry. According to Pastor Franks, he would be retiring soon and would vouch for us to start our Ministry at our Home Church.

But now I felt dirty and unclean. In my mind, there was absolutely no way that the lord could accept me into the Ministry. For all of the Love that I felt for Grant, I knew that I was not Wife material, not even Friend material. In my final despair, I was ready to commit suicide until I saw an icon on my computer that broke through my despair and gave me the strength to LIVE, again.

I clicked on the icon and my web page came up, revealing a new document for me to read, http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/23993/you-meant-it-evil . I began to read this most wonderful story about a man who was very much like me. But in this story, he TOTALLY overcame his situation by a final act of LOVE that he did not know would become a BLESSING for so many. All that he knew was that his SACRIFICE was total, and that he'd lost what he'd gained.

Then, from deep within my Soul, I felt my Heart start break free of the most bitter of Winter's ice and snow as bitter tears were released that began purging me of my despair. I saw a meadow of new grass and a perfect
little stone hill by a massive oak tree. On the hill was Jesus, my Lord.

"JESUS?" I asked, to be sure.

"Yes, My Child. It is I, Terri."

I floated over to Him and settled into His lap, "Why am I here?"

"Because you have come through a Tribulation that was almost too much for you to bear. And you were ready to come Home before your Time."

"You mean that I am still Yours?"

"Yes, you Gave your Heart and Soul to Me during Vacation Bible School before you entered the First Grade. And nothing can undo that, My Chid," He gently rebuked me.

"But I deserted You!"

"No, you simply forgot, for a bit."

Then I sang to Him "I Can See Clearly Now" by Johnny Nash

My Tribute
Andre Crouch
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin?for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin?but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin?but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

"What can you see?"

"That my fears of being unworthy are me letting my despair control me. When in fact, I can go ahead with my plan to enter the Ministry."

"Exactly."

Then in gratitude, I sang "My Tribute" by Andre Crouch to Him.

How can I say thanks for the things
You have done for me?
Things so undeserved yet You gave
To prove Your love for me
The voices of a million angels
Could not express my gratitude
All that I am, and ever hope to be
I owe it all to Thee

To God be the glory, to God be the glory
To God be the glory for the things He has done
With His blood He has saved me
With His power He has raised me
To God be the glory for the things He has done
Just let me live my life and
Let it be pleasing Lord to Thee
And if I gain any praise, let it go to Calvary
With His blood He has saved me
With His power He has raised me
To God be the glory for the things He has done
[*][*][*]
Next thing I knew, I was back on Earth from my visit to Heaven. I wanted to thank whoever it was that had sent me the story, and my unspoken Prayer was answered.

"I can see by your smile that you liked the story," observed Grant.

I lept up and tackled him a most grateful, full body bear hug that sent us both to the floor, "OOF!" I grunted on impact.

"Can I take it that my Terrikens is alright?"

"Yes, but why?"

"I knew that you were still ready to go to Heaven and end your pain. So, I sent you the story to see if I could rekindle the embers of your Heart before it was too ate," he sighed.

"You could not let me despair of our Love that I was all too ready to leave behind to show you my Love for you."

"Why?"

"In my mind, I was unworthy of your Love. So, I wanted to give you a new chance at Love," I admitted.

"And now?"

I sang "He's Still Working On Me" by Joel Hemphill.

He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.

There really ought to be a sign upon the heart,
Don't judge her yet, there's an unfinished part.
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands.

He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.

In the mirror of His Word reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me.
He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay.

He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.
[*][*][*]
We were married after my surgery which found that I actually had a vaginal canal that the surgery opened up, making me as complete a woman as possible thanks to a renovation that turned a few T-cells into ovaries that turned me into a mother for Grant's Valedictorian Address when we we given our Diplomas where he sang Marty Robins "Cap And Gown"

You'll be so pretty in your cap and gown.
But I'd imagine it's a wedding gown,
On our graduation day.

On your head,
You're gonna wear a graduation ring.
But I'd imagine it's a wedding ring,
On our graduation day.
When they sing,
The alma mater,
I will sing along,
But a voice deep down inside me,
Will sing the wedding song.

I love you,
And if my graduation wish comes true,
What I imagine you'd imagine too,
On our graduation day.

When they sing,
The alma mater,
I will sing along,
But a voice deep down inside me,
Will sing the wedding song.

I love you,
And if my graduation wish comes true,
What I imagine you'd imagine too,
On our graduation day.
[*][*][*]
I have come a long way since that attack and am now serving my Home Church along with Grant and couldn't be any happier as we watch our twin: Stan and Stacy receive their Diplomas.
[*][*][*]
End Of Part Nine
Finis