Ok, I know, here is the beginning of my story where I'm supposed to either introduce myself to all of you, or tell about my last day of high school, or whatever BS.
Look, I'm happy I'm female now. Ecstatic. Yeah, sarcasm, but it would be a whole lot easier to take if only I'd gotten. . .
You know what? Maybe I should start at the beginning. No, this isn't a bitch session. I just want you all to realize the magnitude. . .ok, so I'm just complaining.
Sigh.
I really would prefer to begin at the beginning, however.
I never went to high school. I had no friends. No neighbors. Nothing but my pa and I didn't see him most of the time anyway.
It wasn't a bad life. Up when I wanted to. Slept when I wanted to. Fished, and hunted, and generally got up to nothing much, you guessed it, when I wanted to.
My Pa had this idea back before the year 2000 that the entire world was about to end, so he packed me up, and our dog brisket, and we moved out into the Canadian Rockies. Sure, I bemoaned losing my PS2 and my x-box for a little while, but I soon learned the benefits of living off the land.
Mom died in childbirth, but anyone who's already read one of these 'Center' stories already knows that. I never knew her, so I never missed her.
Ok, so that was a little disjointed, but it's these damn female hormones that keep flooding my system. I find it hard to be all logical like and follow my own train of thought. That and I suddenly missed my mom for some reason.
So, anyway. I was living in the mountains in Canada and happy as all get out, when I begin to notice I'm not the only one in the woods.
No, most people, or at least those a little closer to civilization wouldn't pay no nevermind to a couple of cute girls tramping across their property. Me, on the other hand, I simply stood there like the slack jawed idiot my Pa always accuses me of bein' and stared. I hadn't seen another human being in a long time, let alone a girl since I really hit puberty.
They tell me what I felt was my first, and only, raging hard on. That is one feeling I think I will never miss for the having.
So, up they walks to me, and all I'm thinkin' is that I'd really like to get to know them better. Lookin' at them is better than hunting and fishing combined. . .
Ugh. Sorry. They have been teaching me how to speak like a civilized being at the Center, but thinking about the life I led, and who I was, I reverted there for a minute.
So, these two girls walk up to me and introduce themselves:
"Hi, I'm Kris. Are you Anderson Anders?"
Yeah, my Pa was really original when naming me.
"That's me. Who're you? I meant t'other one?" I turned to look at the other girl.
"I'm Dani. We're here because. . ."
You know what, you don't need the same tired explanation of blah blah genetics lab blah blah terrorists blah blah bottle water. I kept trying to peek down Kris' shirt without her catching me, and I didn't really pay attention to what Dani was saying until. . .
"Will you quit trying to look down my shirt!"
I went beet red. I thought I was being sneaky. Dani blushed too, something to do with being an empath.
I mumbled something like, "Sorry, I didn't mean for you to see me doing that," which actually came out as , "Serblerglesnort."
Well, that's what Kris told me later, you know, after the transition. Yeah, I didn't find it all that interesting either.
So, they tell me that I'm supposed to be changing into some superhero, and then within another twenty-four hours into a girl, and I fainted.
Dead away.
When I came to I was in the back of an SUV and we were already out of the woods I was familiar with. I figured Pa wouldn't miss me much, and we buried Brisket three years ago so he certainly wouldn't miss me. Being with a couple of girls, even if they thought they used to be guys, wasn't all that bad.
So, there we were, off-roading in a Black SUV and we blow the left rear tire. I specify the left rear tire for a reason. Being the manly almost could be considered a gentlemant in the right bad lighting I was, I got out and changed the tire. We had one.
Yeah, you guessed it. We drove along for another ten miles or so and loose the right rear tire.
Now, since getting back to the Center, I've learned that little miss Dani is some sort of precog. She failed completely to see any of this.
There we were, miles from hom and nowhere near civilization, and all that was left was for us to walk.
And walk we did. The girls lost their un-sensible footwear, and I let Dani borrow my boots. They almost fit her and I was still pissed at Kris for embarrassing me. I didn't need them as I walked around barefoot half the time anyway.
So, we walked for the rest of the day, and made camp for the night on the side of the almost road we were following.
No wackiness ensued. Sometimes I wish my life were a bad TV movie pitch.
We got up the next morning at dawn, and I relished the opportunity I'd just gotten to sleep in. Usually getting up when I wanted meant three or four AM to get to the best hunting spots before the deer came over the ridge.
We got up and walked the rest of the day again. Well most of the rest of the day. Kris cut up her feet pretty bad, and I had to apply a field dressing using the only suitable cloth we had available. My socks.
I offered to tear up her shirt and use that, but I think she thought I just wanted a better look at her breasts.
She'd been right about that.
So, her feet wrapped up, we continued to walk. About dusk, we realized that we must be near some civilization due to all the light pollution that was even then trying to dispel the darkness.
I sighed in relief because I was tired of the slow pace these gals had been keeping. Sure they were good to look at, but we'd only walked about forty miles in two days. It was downright disgraceful.
So, after getting into the town, and finally getting somewhere with cell service, Kris makes a call to someone or other named the Colonel and let's him know what's up.
They sent a car round to get us, which we gladly accepted. I may have been a fit and strapping young lad, but Pa didn't raise no idiot.
From there we were off to a private airfield and a Jet. Might tiny thing she was too, but since there were no other passengers going to board her, we had her to ourselves.
No wackiness ensued. Damn it.
So, we landed, and we got in another of those SUVs. Black of course. I was wary to be riding along in this one, but the tires held out long enough for us to get to the institution that they called the Center.
They lead me out to the bunker they called Containment, saying they had no idea what my power would be, and that if it were dangerous that I needed to be in here.
I started to get a little bit excited here. Maybe I would be able to throw lightning bolts like Kris, or fire, or maybe I would be nuclear, or you know something cool like being able to walk on walls.
I get in there, and get all locked in, and the countdown begins. I have a couple hours left from what they tell me.
I get this massive headache, and just lie down with my eyes closed waiting for the end. Or the beginning.
I begin to feel the weirdest feeling in my gut and chest, and I just start thinking, here it comes. The feeling grows, but I hold onto consciousness hoping that I might get a glimpse of my power. It was ironic, really, but you get to see that in a moment.
I blacked out with this feeling of hope.
I woke up, and nothing. No smell of smoke. No feel of electricity. No telepathy. No empathy. Nothing.
I opened my eyes. . .and realized that I used to be color blind. Yeah used to be. I can now see all the colors of the rainbow. Well, and distinguish more than most other people.
Yeah, that's my "super" power.
My response was pretty much what yours would be.
"Oh, no. This is BULL. . ."
"Oh, no. This is BULLCRAP!!!"
Bet you thought I was about to use the S in BS didn't you? Well, My Pa did not abide a girl using profanity, and since I was now a girl, I guess I'd have to watch what I said.
First thing I did, well better say the next thing, is look at my feet, cause ya know, they felt weird, and not just weird.
So, it's like you were wearing gloves all your life and suddenly you decide for no reason to take your gloves off? Only the gloves were on your feet. And the gloves were calluses.
So, yeah, my feet were SENSITIVE. You know how weird that is? And they were kind of cute too.
It was only after a minute or two that I realized that my toenails were painted.
What the. . .crap.
See, I'm not swearing, honest. Pa would be so proud.
"Who painted my toenails while I was asleep?"
"What are you talking about?" Dani had just walked into the room, and she gasped. Then she giggled. Then she was rolling on the floor laughing.
"Oh my word, that's just too funny?"
"What?"
"Look in the mirror."
For the first time since I'd awoken. . .awakened. . .woke up? . .anyway, since I opened my eyes I saw a full length mirror.
I looked into it. . .and I saw the door. Angle issues. Ok, so I moved as if to stand up, and Dani was there to ease me up.
Yeah, first step and all.
So, there I am standing in one of them stupid paper gowns, looking at the woman in the mirror, and I can't help it.
I began to laugh. A big deep, high pitched, belly laugh.
I looked like some prostitute clown, or maybe Tammy Faye. Yeah, my pa gave me a classical education.
Or maybe like one of them French mimics or whatever. . .
In an instant I was in whiteface, with the black lips and Diamonds on my eyes.
As if my life wasn't hard enough. I have chameleon makeup.
I looked at Dani, examining what makeup she was wearing, and thought it looked nice, so I focused on that look.
Then I turned to look at the mirror again. . .ewww.
I noticed the subtle dissonance in color between my face and Dani's makeup and almost threw up. Ok, a darker shade for the lips, maybe a bit more orange. . .no yellow. . .no. . .um. . .okay I have no idea what you call the color I finally used for blush, but it worked. Lighten the eye shadow, and there we have it. Perfect
I wanted blue nails. . .and before I knew it my entire hand was blue.
Ok, more focus. . .lighten the shade a bit. Perfect. Metallic blue. Same as Pa's truck.
And his nail polish, but he don't know I found his stash of makeup once.
Pink, maybe, for the toes? No. My toes went through a kaleidoscope of color before I finally settled on a hue. No, I'm not going to tell you. A girl has to keep some secrets, like the color of her panties.
Black thong by the way.
So, I got my makeup situated and realize that Dani hasn't said a word the entire time I was applying it and I turned to look at her.
"Honey, you know that flies and spiders love open mouths, right?"
She closed her mouth with a snap, and I begin to realize that this might not be so bad. You know, this body? At least I'll look better in a dress now.
And no it was just the one time. My Pa was drunk off his. . .keister, and thought it would be funny for me to dress in one of his sun dresses.
I definitely didn't have the body for it, and luckily Pa had forgotten he'd told me his little secret by the next morning. I made sure he never got that drunk again.
But now?
Ok, I was tall. I mean tall. And I was what I'd once heard described as willowy, but until that moment I had no idea what the phrase meant. That was me. A little light in the bust, and no caboose to speak of, but all in all not bad. Especially with the makeup.
I didn't like the mousy brown hair thought. It would be so much better if it were, black?
I think it was at that moment that I realized I was a chromatopath.
So, I didn't have a name for it at the time, all I thought was, 'This is. . .freaking awesome. I can change colors.'
So, I started playing with my hair, and finally settled on a sort of rainbow of regular hair color. I ran red into blonde into brown into black. Locks of each patterned randomly over my head. I adjusted some of the blending, and had an effect I could live with. I spent a moment memorizing the look, in case I had to repeat it later.
"Now if only you could do that for other people you could just about put the salon out of business."
"There's a salon?!"
I squealed. I put my hand over my mouth and blushed. and then my entire body turned red. I mean really red, which embarrassed me even more. No one was supposed to know I'd always wondered what happened in that estrogen zone called a salon.
I looked at myself in the mirror, and all of my makeup and hair styling had gone out the window. All of me from my eyes to my hair down to the nails on my feet was a brilliant red.
I would need to keep random thoughts about my color to a minimum.
I closed my eyes and focused on the image of myself just before I got embarrassed at the sound I'd made.
I opened my eyes, and it was all back. Ok, so if I could just keep that focused, then I'd never have to worry about touching up my makeup.
"That is so cool."
So, she handed me some clothing, sweats and stuff, and we went off. I wondered how quickly I could change my color, and so I began trying to match my hand to the color of the wall passing behind it. Without much success I might add.
It's not that I couldn't match the color, just that I couldn't match it that fast.
For a minute or two I'd had images of walking seemingly invisible down the hallway. . .well, I'd have to be naked, but it would have been cool.
Nah, nothing like that. It took me about a half second to change color fully.
I began to get mesmerized by the effect.
Have you ever dropped dye into a jar of water. You know, a single drop. How if slowly spreads from that one point until it begins to take over the entire water?
Well the way my skin changed was nothing like that, but it's still a cool image.
My skin just seemed to. . fade. . .from one color to the next. I watched as it went through all the hues between the first and second colors.
I began testing a bit seeing if I could change it faster by trying closer hues, and ran right into a wall.
A mobile wall, sure, but a wall none the less.
"Watch where you're going. . .meathead." See, right there? I changed it into something less crass.
The guy I'd run into was about as opposite me as you could get. He was broader than he was tall, and built. I mean really built. I felt parts of me I never wanted or dreamed I would have begin to react to his manliness, but I stomped down on them.
Figuratively speaking, of course. I think it's anatomically possible to really stomp on those parts of my own body, even with gams like mine.
Like I said. Classical education. My Pa was the greatest.
He helped me to my feet, at which I blushed. Full body red time. My arms looked like they'd been dipped in red paint.
I closed my eyes and focused on my self-image with the makeup again.
"Dani, am I presentable again?"
She snickered. "Yes, you're presentable."
"Thanks!"
So, we continued on down a hall that was rapidly filling with other kids my age, and figured that it was time I began to pay attention to my surroundings.
There were kids with all colors or hair and eyes, and even one or two with exotic skin colors. I'd never really thought about it before, but it might be kinda cool to experiment with. . .the air was knocked out of me when we reached our destination.
Yeah, I completely lost my train of thought at that moment.
"Welcome to Wardrobe."
It was. . .amazing to say the least. Racks and shelves and lots and lots of clothing. Blazers and shirts and bottoms and jeans. But they were all girl's clothing.
I was still getting over my shock when she brought something to me that could only be a girl's school uniform.
I took one look at it and said what any red blooded American male in his right mind would say.
"Oh, HE. . ."
"Oh, HELLO!? What IS this? It's soooo Pretty!!!!!"
You should have realized by now that I'm no longer a red blooded American male.
I don't know how they could stand not to wear this outfit all the time, but I'd noticed many of the girls in the halls in other clothing as we'd walked past. It was the prettiest and most shimmery skirt and vest I'd ever seen. It was a sort of blue gray, with these red side shimmers. Okay, I don't know how to really describe it. Basically, if you looked at it straight on, it was blue. As you get closer to looking across it, the color shifts into more of a red.
I was engrossed tilting the fabric this way and that, and generally just enjoying myself when Dani cleared her throat and said, "what? They're just grey?"
"Blue. . red. . .you can't see this?"
She continued as if I hadn't said anything, "anyway all the girls I know complain about how short they are, and with your height. . ."
I hadn't had the opportunity to go burgundy yet, but I know that was the exact shade I turned at her comment. I could just imagine what my Pa would say if he were to see me in that getup. And every time I tried to get my color under control, right back to burgundy at the thought of how much leg I would be showing.
My Pa woulda been ecstatic. His little boy all grown up and in a skirt no less.
Dani broke me out of my reveille, reverie, whatever, "Look. . .what do I call you now? Most of us come up with our own girl names. What would you like?"
I thought about it a moment, and I had the perfect name, "Amanda Helena Louise Phillipa Magdalena Forsythe, Queen of all she surveys!"
Dani just began to laugh at me.
"What?"
"You are ridiculous, you know that, Amanda, or is it Helena? Maybe Louise?"
Ok, you know how everyone says that anger is red? I've never believed that myself, and it seems I was always right.
Anger is yellow.
Sure, there is a touch of red in it. It's not a canary or anything. It's like the first rays of sunlight through smoke.
That was the color I turned in that instant.
"Take it back!"
"You were serious?"
"The queen of everything crack was a joke."
"Why the long name?"
"I don't want to go into it."
"Ok, Amanda, you can have the mouthful."
Joy is a canary yellow. I didn't stay that color very long before I was back to burgundy. You don't know how embarrassing it is to be canary yellow.
"Just put the clothing on Louise."
"Instead of changing my name every time you address me, just call me your majesty." I smiled.
"Nope. You're now officially Phillipa."
"Oh, pooh."
"You're the one who chose it."
I began to undress so I could try on the new uniform, when Dani yelled at me again. "Not out here! There are boys walking past. . .well not so much anymore as they're all kind of staring now."
There I was, in sweatpants and nothing else. Yeah, you guessed it. I'd left the bra back in the infirmary. I was NOT going to wear a bra. A guy had to draw the line somewhere. Well, now I wished that I'd at least worn the bra.
Ok, the rest of what happened in the wardrobe as more embarrassment for me, and a lot of laughs for Dani.
In short wackiness ensued. No, it didn't end up in whipped cream or feathers or even compromising situations. That came later.
In the end, I found myself barely covered in the uniform, playing with my color a bit, trying to match the exact hue of the cloth.
I couldn't quite get it for some reason.
"Dani, what's this uniform made out of? For some reason, I just can't match the hue on my skin."
"It's just the uniform, Phillipa."
"I've decided I want Helena more right now."
"Ok, Helena."
I took a deep breath and changed my colors back to normal skin tone with my makeup and multicolored hair, and turned to head out of the Wardrobe.
"Helena, you haven't picked out the rest of your clothing yet."
Okay, so I stood there dumfounded. More clothing? I'd only ever had the one set at home, and that I'd washed in the creek once a week, at the same time I washed myself. Pa said it was more efficient that way. . .of course I never seen him do that with any of his girly clothing, so maybe I was under different rules now.
It dawned on me that I had left civilization behind. I mean, who in their right mind washed themselves more than once a week.
I told Dani as much.
"You have so much to learn, Helena, about being a girl."
"Magdalena."
"What?"
"I changed my mind, stop calling me Magdalena, call me Louise again."
"Damn it, Amanda, stop changing your mind!"
I turned a light pink, and quickly corrected myself before my tone got any deeper. Not that there really was anyone shallower than me in tone right now.
I took a deep breath and looked around. "So, how much of this can I take?"
"As much as you need. . .at least a weeks. . .stop trying to leave!"
"What? I have a weeks worth of clothes on me, like I said."
"In the center you will change your underwear once a day, and you will change your outerwear at least that often."
"Really? I will have that much clothing? Where will I keep it all. Not like I can wear it all at the same time."
"Amanda, trust me, pick out about fifteen outfits and twice that in underwear, and lets go get you some lunch."
"I could eat some horse."
"Don't you mean 'eat a horse'?"
"Nope."
She didn't inquire further, so I figured that she must be up for some horse as well. Mustang is especially good, but nowhere near venison. I just figured that they'd be more likely to have horse down here.
We picked out some outfits, and I was amazed at her lack of any style sense. I mean, she would pick out hues that clashed like nothing else. I would have to pick a slightly differently colored top or bottom from the same rack and she'd look at me like I was crazy.
"Those are the same color as what I just picked. Why do you keep changing out pieces for the exact same piece? Stop doing that!"
"You mean you can't see that? How this color of yellow and this color of yellow clash?"
She blinked at me a couple of times as her jaw dropped open.
"You can tell the difference between these shades of yellow?"
"Can't everyone? Up until this morning I was apparently completely color blind, so I don't rightly know."
She recovered quickly and lead me out the door saying, "the clothing will be delivered to your room."
Wow, we had servants here as well as everything else? That's so cool. Maybe I really was Queen of all I surveyed.
We entered the lunchroom next. I'd been so intent on changing my skin tone again, you know matching it to the walls again, that I had no idea where we until I looked up at the sudden increase in sound.
No wackiness ensued, mores the pity. I guess I'd exceeded my wackiness quota for the day. Who decides that anyway?
I got my meal from the line, sat down, and just looked at my meal. Nothing else. No one really talked to me for a while, or it may be that I was really bummed that they had neither venison, horse, nor pheasant. How was a guy. . .I blushed burgundy when I remembered that I wasn't a guy any longer.
"Is that your ability?" a quiet voice asked me.
"Yep, I change colors."
"Oh, That's pretty cool I guess. Better than mine."
"What's your ability?"
"I'm the center of attention, as long as I speak in a normal voice."
"Freaks and misfits unite!" and so saying I took a big forkful of whatever it was I'd put on my plate.
It tasted like nothing at all. Ok, that's a little odd. I tried the fries next. Nothing. The orange juice? Nothing.
"You've got to be SH. . ."
"You've got to be SH. . ."
"Watch your tongue please, Ms. Forsyth!"
"Um, who are you?"
"I'm Ms. Fine."
That's what she said. I mean really. You should see her. If ever a name was more appropriate. . .
No I didn't say it aloud. My Pa didn't raise no slack jawed idiot. Just me.
So, I sat back down in my seat, silently fuming about the fact I can't taste anything when I start to hear this giggling behind me. I turn in my seat, and see one of those rarest of creatures: A guy giggler.
"What's so funny?" I ask in my sweetest voice possible. Well, my sweetest voice and my most savage smile.
"I'm sorry. That was my fault."
"Jeremy, did you make it so she couldn't taste her food," the girl behind me said. I immediately turned to look at her. It was like I was compelled. So did everyone else in the room.
She almost blushed burgundy. I was impressed. "Sorry," she whispered into the now quiet room. We all went back to what we were doing, which was me actually looking at the girl who'd spoken.
"What do you mean. . ."
"Francine."
"You picked that name?"
She blushed and nodded. I shrugged. Who was I to complain, really? I mean remember my name? Good, I'm trying to forget.
"What do you mean he did this to me?"
"Jeremy can turn off one sense of one person within ten feet," she said in her original quiet voice.
"Yeah, they always have me practicing sight, but the others are more fun. Especially taste or hearing."
"Look, Jeremy?'
"Yeah?"
"Stop using your power on me or I'll bury my foot up to my ankle in your hind parts."
He got a sort of faraway look in his eye.
"Eww. That's just gross," great, he's one of those. A conservative.
"I meant I will kick your sorry, hairy, white. . ."
"Ms. Forsyth."
Ok, so Ms. Fine was getting on my nerves. And how did she learn my. . .oh, Dani was over talking to her.
I sashayed over to Jeremy, put my hand on his arm, set my hip on his leg, and began to whisper in his ear, "if you ever do that to me again, I will rip your balls of. After that I will feed them to you one by one. Do we understand each other? Nod and smile happily at me if you understand."
He nodded while smiling at me. . .no, he was looking down my shirt! I went sunshine through smoke and smacked him in the back of the head. After a moment to fix my hair and makeup to more reasonable colors, I made surehe was looking me in the eyes and asked him again. "You understand?"
He went green and nodded while trying to swallow a sudden lump in his throat.
I smiled sweetly at him and put my hand to the side of his face, "Good"
I figured he deserved a look for being such a good boy so I raised up my. . keister first and then the my torso. I sashayed back to me seat.
"That was fun," I said to Francine when I sat down across from her.
She was staring blankly into space. "What was fun? he's blinded me again." Dangit, and Pa said stuff like that was always better with an audience.
"Jeremy, sweetie. I include all my friends in that statement. All senses." I looked down at his pants for emphasis.
He turned a little green again, but I heard a sigh of relief from Francine.
"You are so wonderful. That was great service."
Yeah, that's. . .ok, you know what. That is a stupid joke. I'm not typing it out again.
I'd lost my muse for a moment, and I sat there absently looking at the other students. My good mood had gone out the window. I couldn't think of a thing to say that was witty, or fun. I absently ate the drab food while I sat.
and sat
and, "I'm tired of this. I'm going to go find something humorous."
"Can I come too?" Francine asked. It might have been better if she suggested I go to the infirmary. I mentally smacked myself in the face. That was bad even for me. Considering the puns I've already slipped in here that's saying something.
I'll wait while you go looking for them because you've missed them.
No, really, I'll be here when you get back.
"Can I?"
"Of course you can." Rocking hot bod like that? Hey, I may be female, but I'm not dead.
So, we stepped out of the cafeteria, looking at the deserted hallways. It was almost as if my name had suddenly been change to Truman and no one had told them that we were off script.
Yep, classical education. Thanks Pa.
So, we wandered around for a bit in the hallways.
There were no hijinks whatsoever, and no wackiness ensued.
Yeah, we had no whipped cream anyway. I think feathers might not have been that hard to come up with, but I was sure they'd be in the wrong hue.
"So. . .I have to go to my afternoon class. . ."
"And I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing."
"Well, wander around long enough and someone will right you?"
"Okay," so that's what I did. I wandered right out of the building and into the woods. I'd had it with their version of civilization anyway.
Well I'd had it right up until the point my three inch heels sunk into the dirt. "No, fair. Why can't my footwear be functional AND cute!"
I tried a pout, but I seemed to be out of practice so I turned around and wandered myself back toward the Center.
I needed to go back to wardrobe and get a pair of boots anyway.
"There you are!"
"Hey, Dani. What's next?"
"The salon."
"What?"
"The salon. We need to get you a makeover."
I gestured at my face, "Hello, chameleon chick. I do my own makeup."
"Yes, but, fingernails. . .um. . .toe. . .ok, you got me, but they still want you in there."
So, I resigned myself to being bored, and went into the salon.
They were impressed to say the least.
"We're impressed. Not many girls do their makeup before coming in to see us the first time."
"I cheated, it's my power."
They were in love. They had me changing the colors for my hair, and skin tone, and eyes, and. . .well, let's just say we closed the doors before that part.
In the end, I ended up with an alabaster complexion, titian hair, and jade green eyes. We matched makeup, eye shadow, and lip gloss for it. I memorized the look, and switched between my first one, and this one a couple of times.
"Cool. I'm a master of disguise."
"Or something," Dani said.
I giggled at this and walked out of the salon. I had gotten a mani pedi though, so I really felt pampered.
I began to strut my stuff down the hall.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Huh?"
"This way."
Ok, so I turned around, after a quick foray into the realm of burgundy, and began to strut my stuff in the right direction. Give a girl a break.
Dani just laughed at me, and I giggled right along with her.
Next, they put me in for placement testing. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with the loops and squiggles on the pages, so I spent my time drawing pictures. They were pretty pictures too, using subtle variations in light and shadow. . .
Just kiddin'. I can read. Sure, I didn't really understand most of the questions but I answered as best I could. It was the beginning of a stretch of boredom you don't really care about.
I spent the next two days testing.
No wackiness ensued. Not even any mild hilarity. I would have even been satisfied with a bit of silliness or even 2 am over tiredness.
Nope. Two absolutely normal, event free days.
Well, except for the purple and blue panda, but I'm sure you already know about that, so I won't waste your time.
So, I was given a touch phone and a schedule and a room.
My room was sooo boring. I mean really boring. So I decided to liven it up with a little me.
I lay against the wall, naked, and decided to blend in.
I lay there for almost three hours. Man, buildup is a drag.
I was about to get up and call it a bust when I heard a knock on my door.
"Amanda, you in here?"
I took a deep breath so I could calm my nerves for someone not seeing me naked.
"Come in, Francine."
The door opened and she looked around the room. She even looked at me once or twice. I laughed silently. I think I forgot to change my teeth because she started looking at my face. Then something dawned on her and a look of horror overcame her.
"You're naked?! Oh MY G. . ."
"You're naked?! Oh MY GOSH!"
Suddenly my attention was fixated on her, and I knew that so would be the attention of everyone within the sound of her voice.
"Amanda, what are you doing!"
I'd jumped up and I was rushing over to her.
"Amanda, don't touch me there."
I was already burgundy, and I didn't think I could be much more embarrassed than that. Oh boy was a wrong. I tripped as I was almost to her.
"Amanda, that hurts, go slower!"
I collapsed on top of her, half in and half out of my room, completely naked wearing nothing but my hair and a smile, as they say.
Apparently Francine's power spread to anyone in contact with her, as everyone was staring at me as well now.
"Eep!" I hopped up, or at least I tried to, as my legs were tangled up in Francine's and I tripped into my room landing with my shoulders on the ground and my butt in the air. I quickly scrambled out of that position and into my room.
I tried to close the door, but Francine was still blocking it. "Hey, I'm still here!"
My attention focused for a moment on Francine before I broke free of her power and tried to drag her into my room. She finally got the idea and helped me out, since there was no way I was moving her on my own.
She whispered, "Sorry," through the door just as we were closing it.
"And here I thought my compromising situation would have been with a man. . .mores the pity."
"What are you saying, Amanda?"
"Nothing whatsoever."
"That's very important, write it down."
I looked around for a pencil and paper for a moment before realizing she was joking.
"Oh, ha ha."
"Um, could you put some clothing on, please?" Her face was almost turning the same shade as my entire body.
"Just a thought, but would you hold your face up to my body so I can compare shades?"
"Amanda!"
"What? Oh. Right. Sorry, Francine."
I decided to try out Goth girl this time, so I went white (the color not the skin tone) for my skin, black for my hair, and applied the heavy Goth makeup around my eyes, topped off with black lipstick.
"I think we already have a Goth around the center, and at least she wears clothing."
"Oh, yeah." I quickly moved toward my dresser and slipped into my uniform. Then after picking myself off the ground I put on yoga pants and a tank top.
"Ok, I'm groaning and I can't even hear your mental monologue."
"How do you know I have a mental monologue, Francine?"
"It seems like everyone has an internal monologue these days at the Center."
She had a point there, I mean, have you done a search for The Center recently on BC? Scary.
I shook myself lightly and surveyed the damage I'd been doing to the fourth wall in my room. "So, you think I need to patch this up a bit?"
"Nah. This story has had a semi-permeable fourth wall since the beginning. Leave it alone for a while and it should mend itself, Amanda."
She had a point, so we decided to head off in search of something to do. I stepped out of my room, looking at Francine behind me, and ran into another mobile wall. I put up my hands to push myself back from it. Ok, it was the same mobile wall as before, and I flushed.
Here I thought that maybe after transition I might start liking girls or something. I mean, sure I liked to look, but give me a manly body any day.
Nope, looks like I was still into guys, and I wouldn't mind this guy getting into. . .
"Sorry. I should have been watching where I was going." He said interrupting my train of thought
"You can run into me anytime you want. . .what was your name again?"
"Fred."
"Hey, maybe we could rewind to the end of the last chapter and you could knock on my door instead of Francine."
"Uh. . ."
"What did we just talk about, Amanda?"
"Sorry. Oh well, I would have loved to climb on top of you."
It seems that Fred was one of the more bowling ball shaped tools in the shed, because he finally had the decency to blush. I wondered how hard I would have to throw myself at him to stick.
"I'm not sure if, I mean I used to be. . .You know what I'm saying."
"Well, if you're ever looking to test drive a sports car, then look me up."
We left him stammering in the hall, and Francine giggled at me, "Amanda, you are sooo bad."
"Hey, it's not like I'd let just anyone in the driver's seat, but he looks like he has good eye hand coordination."
"Amanda!"
"And speaking of hands, if they are representative of. . ."
Francine stopped and got a distant look on her face.
"Francine?"
"Ok, I think I need a shower before we head off to the rec room."
"I wouldn't mind joining you."
"What?"
"In another stall. I need a cold shower as well."
Showered and refreshed, if much colder, we headed off toward the rec room and the promised movie.
I think I'd had enough wackiness and barely disguised innuendo for an evening so I was looking forward to an evening of mindless entertainment.
They were showing the new movie by that one dude, yeah, you know the one.
Oh, don't give me that. You've secretly wanted to watch it since you heard about it and are jealous that I got to see it before it was even released.
Apparently the Center has more connections than we even knew.
So, Francine and I get to the room, and there is Fred himself. He smiles over at me, but I don't figure I want another cold shower today, and he may be gorgeous, but he makes Cronk look like Einstein.
Ok, so that wasn't so much a classical movie reference as a slightly dated one. I still liked it.
Apparently this year's model is named Fred.
I wonder if he cooks spinach puffs.
If you still haven't got it, then there is no hope and you have just become the Englishman from that bad joke. I'll ask you if you've figured it out when you're old and gray.
Having filled my quota of references to jokes only I get in the first place, I survey the room and find a place to sit.
There are two empty spots on stools at the back of the room. I'm so glad that I wore pants and not a skirt, as that could have gotten embarrassing.
We watched the movie, and it felt vaguely familiar. It was about this girl who liked to run around everywhere in red body paint. . .
Just kidding. So, we watched the movie, and about halfway through, I fell something brush against my shoulder. I brush it off and think nothing of it.
Then something tickles down my face, and I begin looking around the room. There's something floating around in the darkness.
"Hey could someone turn on the lights?"
A couple of photokinetics oblige and we see for the first time that there are hundreds of feathers floating through the air.
What's going on here? There slipping up from under the crack in the door. And so I open it up, only to be snowed under in a drift of white goose down. This was getting stranger by the moment. I pushed out into this thinking only one thing over and over to myself.
This is all wrong.
I finally get to a window, and I realize that these feathers are all snowing down on us. I can't contain the wrongness any longer.
"White! The feathers are most definitely not supposed to be white!"
"White! The feathers are most definitely not supposed to be white!"
Not a single pink feather in the lot. And they were all supposed to be pink per. . .
Never mind. Right now what was supposed to be didn't matter. The Center was being buried under a mountain of feathers.
"Amanda, are you out there?"
"Yes, Francine. I'm here."
Someone had their arms out questing and ran into my torso. Somehow I knew instinctively when he started groping my breasts who it was, "Jeremy!"
"Sorry."
"That you ran into me, or that I asked you to stop groping me?"
"Yep."
"Men," I said in an exasperated tone, ignoring Francine's rolled eyes.
"Hey, Fred is lost."
"And talking about himself in the third person. Hold Jeremy's hand, then and try to keep up."
If you've never had the opportunity to go trudging through a snowstorm of feathers, then I invite you to give it a try. They get everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. It was one of those moments when I really regretted not wearing underwear, as that would have meant one more layer before the sharp points were sticking me in the girly parts.
Yes, feathers have a sharp point. It's called the quill. And while one or two aren't a problem, and they are more fluff than quill, you get enough of them and you will become a pincushion.
Especially in parts where you really don't want to be poked.
From the way the guys were squirming, I think they had it worse than Francine and I.
I was happy not to be a guy at that moment. I mean the shear torture of it. The pleasure and pain of it. I was never one for S & M you see.
I figured, being the intelligent person I am, that if we head toward where the feathers were deepest, then we'd find the source of the problem.
So, there we were, My hand on Francine's shoulder, Jeremy's hand on my buttocks, and I can only assume Jeremy holding hands with Fred. That is an image I never saw that still makes me giggle. Oh, yaoi.
No, I wasn't in front. Francine was the one who wanted the attention.
And being in front she would be the first one to get it.
We were approaching what I could only assume was the center of the disturbance, which happened to be the Center's infirmary, when I began to hear something cracking.
"Amanda, should we maybe. . ."
Was all that Francine was able to say before a flood of whipped cream burst through the dor in front of us.
"Ugh, Fat Free! You've got to be kidding me! Fat Free Whipped Cream!? That's like 0% Feline Cats or even Military Intelligence."
"You forgot Central Intelligence Agency," Fred said through a mouthful of the stuff I refuse to call whipped cream.
Yeah, I didn't get it either.
So, the wave of semi-liquid foam washed over us, plastering the not pink feathers to our not naked bodies. It would have been soo hot if it wasn't so sticky. . .well and if we were naked
"Look, the infirmary!" Francine said pulling me from my fantasy. Fred and Jeremy were still holding hands after all.
We pushed our way into the room, which is of course where the whipped cream had burst from. and there was a creamed body lying tied to a bed.
Wait, let me try that again.
There was a naked woman tied to a bed and covered in nothing but feathers.
Ok, so there was an emergent at the center of it all. It was The Center after all.
As soon as the groans stopped I moved over to her and said the first thing that popped into my mind upon seeing a woman covered entirely in white. . .
"My name's Luke Skywalker and I'm here to rescue you."
Strangely enough, she gave me the same look as Princess Leia gave to the afore mentioned Luke.
Well, and then she began to scream and more feathers began to appear.
"Jeremy make me deaf."
As soon as the sound stopped I said, "Francine! Talk to her!"
Yeah, I yelled because I couldn't hear myself speak and wanted to make sure I could be heard. As soon as everyone's attention focused on Francine, I walked over to the girl and let her out of her restraints.
She stopped yelling, and in fact began to smile. The feathers and whipped cream faded from sight, and disappeared from our clothing. . .
"But, Ms. Fine, it is the truth. Just ask Francine! Or Frank. . .I wouldn't trust Jeremy to give his mother the time of day."
"The fact that they tell the same story as you do doesn't mean that it's the truth. I mean, no one else remembers the whipped cream, and how would you know it was fat free."