A CHANGE OF STYLE PART 1   by NINA ADAMS   In this the first of four parts we meet Alex Adams as he begins his High School journey with the help of his friend Roxanne. His journey takes him places few boys have the opportunity to experience. His gradual acceptance of his changes helps enrich his life, but forces him to make some complex choices.

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IN THE BEGINNING

One of the few strong memories I have from my father was he telling me that I was very special. “Son, explore the world and never settle for just okay. Use your heart as a guide and you can be anything you want to be."

Shortly after that and just about a week short of my 11th birthday, he passed away. I loved my father, even though he had not been a real big part of my life. He worked so hard building his advertising business that I think he missed out on living and enjoying time with my mother and myself. I think his last wishes for me were a statement of his personal regrets. I was very young, but I vowed to always be myself and experience all that life had to offer.

I vowed not to lose sight of the world around me and became a very free spirited kid. I also enjoy developing my creative side and became enamored with the arts. I enjoyed painting, music, literature, and almost anything theatrical in nature. My father's words guided me much more than his actions.

School came pretty easy to me even if I did not fit in perfectly. I had skipped first grade so I was always one of the youngest kids in my classes. During my high school years I was not part of the popular click, but I did have some good friends and some social life.

I was not a great athlete, but I enjoyed running. As a freshman and sophomore I was on the school’s cross-country team. I found running to a good sport for me, because I was thin with relatively long legs. I was only about 5'7" and 135 pounds, but my long thin legs probably belonged on someone a couple of inches taller than me. I chose not to go out for the team my junior year, because it took so much time away from my other interests.

I live alone with my mother in the northern suburb of Chicago called Glencoe. Glencoe is a very small town that is right next to the Chicago Botanical Gardens. It is a pretty affluent community, but not overly conservative. My mother worked part-time at the Gardens, but mostly because she enjoyed it. My father had left a substantial nest egg, plus life insurance proceeds and a majority ownership in his agency. My mom would never have to work again, but as she was barely 40 she needed to keep herself busy. She was still a very attractive woman, but she did not feel the need to quickly find a new soul mate. I always thought she probably wanted to wait until I was off to college or until sometime after I had left the house.

My mother and I were very close. She pretty much single-handedly raised me so we knew just about everything about each other. She could read me like a book, so I kept few secrets from her. She was the only one other than some of my teachers that still called me Alex. Most of my friends just call me Lex.

It was during my junior year at school that I began making my mark in the fine arts. I took theater and chorus as my school electives and even had a small part in the spring production of the Beauty and the Beast. I was really just beginning to develop my interests and personal style. When I found something I liked, it usually became a passion.

When I saw ‘Billy Elliot’ at the Ford Center in Chicago I just knew I wanted to be in theater. Making it in theater became an important personal goal. It was almost an obsession. I even got my mother to flip for some voice in dance lessons to hone my theatrical skills.

I prided myself on not being a clone of every other kid at school. I made friends pretty easy, but I tended to dress and act in a somewhat nonconforming way. My naturally brown hair had been dyed black. My clothes tended to be for lack of a better term, kind of edgy. I wore a lot of strange or attention getting T-shirts and I wore intentionally torn jeans. I even wore a hemp bracelet that a cousin of mine had brought back for me from Jamaica. I did not stick too far out, but I did not look like every other kid at school.

Over the summer following my junior year I was lucky enough to get a job at the movie theater in Northbrook court. I think my knowledge of theater impressed the manager. It was only about 20 hours a week, but it provided me with some spending money. It was because of this job that I was lucky enough to get to know Roxanne. Roxanne and I went to school together, but hardly knew each other. I always had a crush on her from afar, but I had hardly spoken to her at all through our three years of school. She was part of the in crowd and I was not. She was a cheerleader and I was not a big-time athlete. I never really felt I was in her league.

Fate was on my side as we now both worked together at the movie theater. It was a lot of fun getting to know her and to my surprise she wasn't stuck up at all. She was actually pretty down to earth, and not what I really expected. We shared a lot of interests, including a love for theater. As the summer wore on we became very good friends. About midway through the summer, I got up the nerve to actually ask her out. I was more than a little nervous, because to be honest, I didn’t think she would accept. I am certain I caught her by surprise, but she accepted my offer to meet up after work for a Starbuck’s mocha. As beautiful as she was, I think I liked her more because she seemed so nice. Maybe she accepted because I was not one of the macho jocks that usually hounded her. With each passing day we seemed to get closer and closer and before the summer was over we were spending a lot of time together outside of work.

I think it was our third rendezvous when she asked me if I wanted to kiss her. I got a little flustered and said I was working up to it. She smiled and looked at me with that little bit of twinkle in her eyes. A few seconds later, I walked over to her and gave her a quick peck on the lips. She was not very impressed, and told me I would have to work on that. At least the ice had been broken, and I figured the next time I would do better. It was a little strange having the girl make the first move. She was so totally beautiful, but I had been content just spending time with her.

We talked a lot about what we planned to do our senior year and after high school. She loved music and dance, which was a big part of why she became a cheerleader. She wasn't positive about what she wanted to major in at college, but she wanted to combine her interests in music and possibly teaching. She had such a great personality that I was certain she would make a great teacher.

I expressed my interest in the arts and my desires to eventually find my way into theater. I was not certain it would be a career move, but I knew in my heart it was something I wanted to pursue. I told her about my voice and dance lessons and how I wanted to work on my acting skills during my senior year. I had not gotten involved in the theater department my first two years of high school and only had a bit part in the school production my junior year. It was very unrealistic to expect a big part in the senior year production, but I was hoping for something that I could showcase some of my new skills. Roxy told me she would do anything she could to help me.

I was grateful to have Roxy as both a friend and potential girlfriend. One thing she suggested to me was to change my hairstyle. She thought I had great hair, but was not crazy about me dying it black. She thought I should leave it a more natural color, but maybe give it just a little bit more style. Nothing radical, but maybe a little more contemporary look was her suggestion. She thought that if I wanted my hair to be more interesting, it would be better just to let it grow a little longer, than to dye it an unnatural color.

I reluctantly agreed with Roxanne and later told my mother of her suggestion. She was very happy that I no longer wanted to dye my hair black and told me I would look much better with a more natural color. However, she was not real keen on me letting my hair grow. My hair was already getting a little long and I was in need of a trimming. She made me a deal that she said was non-negotiable. If I wanted to let my hair grow I would have to go to her stylist every three or four weeks, and have her keep my hair in an orderly fashion. She would dye it back to its natural color and give my hair a little shape. She was adamant that I would have to start caring for it much better if I wanted it to stay long. I would also have to let Lulu cut my hair however she thought it would look best. If I was going to let my hair grow, it was not going to look like a mop. She said that Lulu had a great sense of style and was very popular with the more fashion conscious set.

I was not big on having to go to a salon few weeks to get my hair trimmed, but I was in no position to argue. She made an appointment for me a couple of days later. I told Roxanne about the agreement I had made with my mother and she thought it was fair. She said she also went to Lulu’s Solon, but was not lucky enough to have Lulu actually be the one to cut her hair. Lulu charged more than most of the other stylists and she was impressed that I was actually going to get my haircut by Lulu. That made me feel, somewhat better.

It was about a week before school was set to resume when I walked into Lulu’s Solon for my first appointment. When I met Lulu for the first time I was expecting to meet a much older woman, but she was probably only in her mid-to late 30s. She was very attractive and I could tell from her own clothing and personal looks, she had a great flair for style. If I was going to start reflecting a more interesting look, Lulu was probably the right stylist to help me achieve that.

She told me that she already knew about my agreement with my mother and seemed to know quite a bit about me. She told me that she had been cutting my mother's hair for about three years and had many opportunities to talk about me. That made me feel a little bit strange, but she had a disarming way about her. She ran her fingers through my hair and said after it got a little bit longer there would be a lot of great things she could do with it. She explained that I had really nice thick hair, however it had been damaged by the cheap dyes that I had been using on it. For the first appointment, all she was going to do was bring it back to its natural color and trim the edges slightly. She gave me a bunch of hair care products to help me restore and improve the quality of my hair. Either at my next appointment or the one after that she would try and give it a little bit more style.

When I left the salon that afternoon my hair was anything but stylish. It was back to its basic brown with a pretty non-descript shape to it. I understood her plan, but would be starting my senior year with boring hair. Roxanne was happy to see my hair back to its natural color, so I was not too upset with the changes.

I always loved Roxanne’s deep brown hair. Her hair was always so attractive and trailed about 2 inches past her shoulders. It had a very natural wave to it and looked great in almost any style she chose to wear it. My hair was too short to do very much with and her hair you could do almost anything with. It was kind of odd, but I was kind of jealous that Roxanne could change her look anytime she liked. Girls always have so many more style options than guys.

My mother had convinced me that entering my senior year of high school I also needed to upgrade my clothing choices. The torn jean look was okay on occasion, but she said I was starting to look like a cliché. It would be okay if I chose to wear some other edgy styles, but I needed to change it up a little bit. Unlike most of my friends, I did not have any brothers or sisters to help me pick out clothing. I had to rely on my own tastes, my mothers, or possibly Roxanne’s.

When Roxanne and I were finished with our afternoon shift she went with me to some of the more hip places in the mall. It was kind of fun going shopping with her. I had never really cared for clothing shopping, but it was fun going into the different places with Roxanne. We were shopping mostly for me, but every so often she would try on something as well. There were even a couple of tops that we both tried on. Many of the more stylish T-shirts and tops were gender-neutral. I ended up buying quite a bit of clothes and even a pair of oiled leather Dansko clogs. The clogs were so comfortable and Roxanne convinced me that they were very fashionable.

When I showed my purchases to my mother she was generally pleased. She said she might pick up a few things to fill out the wardrobe. She was really tired of me wearing the same old clothes over and over.

I had really enjoyed the summer, but was looking forward to getting back to school. I really wanted to work on my drama skills and look ahead to post-high school plans. I was also kind of excited to be entering my senior year of school with a new best friend; one that was so popular. We had grown very friendly over the summer and had even kissed on a few occasions. We had never taken it any further than that and I do not think it would be fair to say that we were going steady. Our relationship was more than just friends, but it wouldn’t be fair to say we were an Item. I was hopeful that the relationship would continue to evolve over the school year.

School got off to a pretty good start. I was especially excited to begin my drama and chorus electives. I really wanted to show off some of what I learned from my tutors. Ms. Joyce the drama teacher was quick to pick up on my enthusiasm in class. Near the end of our third week of class she mentioned to me before class that I seemed much more perky. I was not sure what she meant by that, but I took it as a compliment.
My relationship with Roxanne was still very friendly, but we had not seen as much of each other since the semester had begun. We would get together after school on some days and study, but we really weren't doing that much on a social basis. She had already begun her cheerleading practice after school and I was still taking a few of my voice and dance lessons after school. I was nearly done with those sessions and hoped that I would have more time for Roxanne and other school activities very soon.

It was time for me to go back for another hair trimming. I complained to my mother but since I was letting my hair grow I did not understand why I needed to go back so soon. She told me that Lulu would help keep it orderly and healthy. She told me not to worry since Lulu would probably not cut very much off.

Lulu was very pleased to see me after school on Friday. She told me that my hair was already looking much healthier. She asked me what I had in mind as I let my hair grow a little. I told her that I really did not know, but I wanted it to look stylish. I told her all about my desire to be in drama and that many actors and actresses had very stylish hair. I wasn't sure what kind of style I wanted, but I was willing to push the envelope, if it made me look good. I told her that I was hoping she might have some good ideas and I would be willing to let her do her thing.

"If you are willing to let your hair grow I think there will be a lot of things we can do as the school year progresses. We can try different styles and different looks. A majority of the hair that I cut is for women, but many of the styles look even better on guys. Great hair is great hair and I think we can have some fun with this as the school year moves along."

"I am not here for a girls hairdo, I am just looking for some more style."

"You need to relax. That is not what I am saying. Think about Johnny Depp. His hair is extremely stylish, but not in the typical mannish form. If you want to be creative you need to open your mind. Some of the very best cuts are actually androgynous. They look great on guys and gals and can be real attention getters. If you are just looking for a buzz cut or someone to just lop off your split ends, I can recommend someone else."

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I am just a little nervous having my hair cut here, but I trust you. I think we are on the same page. Letting my hair grow was originally my girlfriend Roxanne's idea."

"Is that the same Roxanne who gets her hair cut here?"

"Yes. We have been hanging out since the summer."

"She is a very pretty girl and has lovely hair."

"Thank you."

"I would guess her hair is about 3-4 inches longer than yours. As you've probably noticed, she can wear her hair in many different styles. I am not suggesting that you would want to wear your hair in all those styles, but the longer your hair gets the more options you will have. At the rate your hair seems to be growing, it would probably get to be about that length by Christmas."

"I really haven't thought about how long I wanted it to get. I really just wanted it to be more interesting."

"Today I think I can give you a little bit more style by just re-balancing your hair a little. I am going to leave the hair long in the front and on one side a little bit longer, but trim it a little bit more in the back area. I think you will like this look and as it grows out we will have a lot of new options. I think the shape will go well with your nice facial features."

She proceeded to wash my hair and to begin trimming it. She actually cut off more hair than I thought she was going to, but she said it was necessary to achieve the proper effect. I asked her if I could watch her cut my hair in the mirror, but she said she preferred that I see the new style all at once. When she was through with the cut she actually did a little trimming on my eyebrows. She said they were very much like my hair and in need of a little reshaping. She told me not to worry as she was only going to slightly change where they peaked. She then said, "I wish I had natural eyelashes like yours." That comment caught me off guard and threw me for a small loop.

Finally I had an opportunity to see my new look. I was a little shocked by my reflection. I had never seen that style on any guy or even girl for that matter. It was very unique and certainly not manly. I could not tell where she had trimmed my eyebrows, but they did look different. I told her I thought the style was a little effeminate, but she said that it was very androgynous and I would quickly get used to it. It was not what I was expecting, but I was looking for something a little bit different.

When I left the salon, I felt a little conspicuous. I took the most direct route home, because I was not sure if I wanted to run into any of my friends. I knew they would eventually see my new style, but I wanted to get some reassurance from either my mother or Roxanne before I did much socializing.

When I entered the house I shot straight up to my room. I opened my closet and started staring at myself in the mirror on the back of the door. I kept turning my head to get a view from different angles. I was not expecting a style that looked anything like this, but I was beginning to think the unique look was kind of cool. I thought it might slightly accentuate some of my more delicate facial features, but it really was stylish.

While I was preening in front of the mirror my mother walked in.

"I thought I heard you. I just bought you a few... Honey let me see you."

She had stopped in midsentence when she saw my face. She didn't look upset, but she seemed a little startled by my hair. She had me spin around a couple of times while she evaluated the cut.

"You look very different. Did you ask Lulu to cut your hair that way or was it her idea?"

"She did it all on her own. Why do you ask that? "

"I am not sure, but it is not what I was expecting."

"I was quite surprised myself, but I think I like it. Mom, what do you think?"

"You just look so much different. I think the cut is pretty and it obviously frames your face well."

"Don't you really mean handsome?"

"Well I guess so, but it is also very pretty in how it blends in with your eyes and bone structure. Your hair never has looked so interesting, but I never expected a style like that on my boy. How do you feel about it?"

"As I said, I'm getting used to it. It is a lot different than anyone else’s at school, but that is sort of what I was looking for. At first, I thought it was a little fem, but the more I stare at it the more I like it."

I am not totally sold on it Alex, but if you really like it then we will give it a chance. Remember you have to take care of it."

"I will… do you think Roxanne will like it?"

After a short pause, mother said, "Why don't you call her and find out."

With that I went up to my room and called her cell. She seemed happy to hear from me and I told her I got a new rad cut. She sounded excited by my description and anxious to see it. She said her family was going to be having dinner together, but we could probably meet after dinner at the Starbucks for a late latte’ or something. We decided to rendezvous around 8 PM.

I was still a little nervous to show off my new do, but I was also pretty excited to be seeing Roxanne on a Friday night. Most of our recent time together had been school related and on weeknights. I wanted to look my best for her and started looking through my closet for something to wear. It was the first time I looked at the clothes my mother had just brought to my room, when she first saw my new style. She had bought me some sweaters, slacks, and some long sleeve crewneck T-shirts in different colors.

I selected my new black jeans that I had picked out with Roxanne and I wore one of the new sweaters my mom had bought me. It was a very soft V-neck in light blue. It felt so different than my other tops so I looked at the label to see what it was made out of. The label said it was made of imported cashmere. I thought I looked pretty good and went down to have dinner with my mother. When I entered the kitchen she gave me another once over and asked me why I had changed clothes.

I told her I was meeting up with Roxanne later and wanted to look nice for her. I told her I really like the soft feel of the new sweater and asked her why she never got me cashmere before.

"Alex, cashmere is much more expensive and you had never really concerned your self with style before. This new you, is a lot different than the young man I am used to having around the house. Even your interest in clothing seems to have changed."

I was so anxious to see Roxanne that I got to Starbucks about 10 minutes early. I did not want to have my espresso drink without her so I just started out with a big cup of water. I managed to get the loveseat couch next to the fireplace; it was the most romantic seat in the coffeehouse even without the fire being lit.

While I waited for Roxanne I read an old People magazine that was left on the end table. I enjoyed seeing all of the famous movie stars in the magazine and sort of fantasized that I might be in there some day.

I was flipping through the pages when Roxanne snuck up from behind. When she came around to the front she gave out a very small squeal of delight in seeing me.

“Oh my God you look amazing. That style is so much better than the way you used to wear your hair. I love it, you look so cute.”

Cute was not the word I was looking for, but I was happy she liked it. She gave me a quick kiss on the lips, but it was more like a friend would than with true passion.

“Lulu is so phenomenal. I would never have come up with a style like that. It looks so perfect on your face. She is so open-minded and creative. I have a hard time seeing the old you in this image. I like the old you, but you wanted a more dramatic look and she brought it out. I’ll bet most of my girlfriends will love it too.”

I was happy for her enthusiasm and a little more comfortable that I looked okay. After the initial exchanges we settled into more traditional yapping. She told me about her cheerleading squad and how she was just named co-captain. She told me that school was going fine, but then upset me by saying that she wasn’t seeing anybody these days.

When she mentioned that she was not seeing anyone I sort of slumped. I know we were not a couple, but I sort of thought we were at least seeing each other. She was talking to me like one of her friends and not like a date.

“Well you are with me at least!”

“That’s true and I really do like you.”

That was the end of the conversation on dating and I felt a little disappointed. I certainly did not want to give up our relationship and I know that most of my guy friends would love to be out sipping a latte’ on Friday evening with Roxanne.

We hung out for about an hour and a half just talking about school and some of our classmates. I got the inside info on who was dating who and other juicy gossip. After my initial disappointment with our discussion I relaxed and really enjoyed shooting the breeze with her. Near the end of the evening she had a twinkle in her eye and said she had a suggestion but wasn’t sure if I would be up for it. After peaking my interest, she said she would save it for another time.

I was now too curious to let that pass and said; “Now you have to tell me. What’s your idea?”

“All right, you know how much I love your new style?”

“Yeah”

“Well you know I think it would look so great if you had an earring in your exposed ear. A lot of guys at school have one and it would look spectacular with your new cut.”

“I am not sure about that. I’m not sure it would look good on me and besides my mother…”

“I understand… it was a bad idea.”

“No, no it’s not that, I just never considered that before. Do you really think I would look good with one?”

“I think it would go great with your hair and even enhance your new stylish look. Some of the coolest guys have pierced ears.”

“How come you never suggested I get my ear pierced before? When I had black hair I was also trying to look cool.”

“Truthfully I really didn’t like your black hair that much. Your new style is so much better and I think a stud in your ear would look very cool. It looks great without it, but I know I would like it more with a small gold stud.”

“Roxanne, you know I trust you and you know I really like you a lot, so if you think so maybe I should.”

“Tomorrow is Saturday, we could go to the mall in the afternoon and have them pierce it at Claire’s. It doesn’t cost very much and they have some nice but inexpensive studs.”

“That sounds okay to me, but I think I better run it by my mother. I don’t have to tell her everything, but it’s just her and me and I don’t want to upset her.”

“That’s fine, I told my mother before I got my ears pierced also. Why don’t you run it by her, and if it is okay with her let’s plan on going to the mall after lunch. Maybe we can even meet up with some of my girlfriends. I would love to show you off.”

“I am sure she will say it’s fine, so let’s plan on meeting at Claire’s around 1:30 in the afternoon.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure it if I tell her it’s what I want, it won’t be a problem.”

I walked Roxanne home and up to her door. I wanted to give her a big kiss, but before I had a chance, she gave me a long hug. It was not what I was hoping for, but I would be seeing her again tomorrow.

When I got home my mother was in the family room reading a book. She asked me about my evening and I told her it was good. She also asked how Roxanne liked my new haircut.

“She told me it looked amazing and that she loved it. She thought Lulu had done a phenomenal job and that I looked so much cuter than before.”

“She did, that’s interesting.”

“One thing she did suggest though, was that I get a stud in my left ear. She thought it would compliment my new hair and give me even more style. If it is okay with you, I plan to meet her at the mall tomorrow to get a stud. I told her I would run it by you first, but I am nearly 17 so l was hoping you wouldn’t have an issue with it.”

“I am not really keen on you getting piercings or tattoos. Unusual hairstyles are one thing, but getting a piercing is more serious. If you don’t like a hairstyle you can just cut it off or let it grow. If you pierce an ear it could get infected and could be pretty uncomfortable for you, in more ways than one.”

“I am not worried about a little pain and it won’t get infected if I take care of it.”

“When you get your ears pierced you have to wear your studs for at least the first couple of weeks. That means even if you don’t like the way you look, you will have no choice but to continue to wear the studs. If you don’t wear them, you easily could get a bad infection.”

“I am only talking about one ear and I don’t know why I wouldn’t want to wear it.”

“You already have a very unusual haircut for a boy and might not like the way the earring looks with it.”

“I am sure I will like it and I am willing to take that risk.”

“I am really uncomfortable with this. I am not going to tell you no, but I do have a suggestion.”

“Mom, I want you behind me on this, so what is your idea?”

“Well Honey, since your hair is so much longer on the right side, why don’t you get your ear pierced on that side. You will still be getting a piercing, but it will be less noticeable. After a while, if you like it, then maybe you could do the other one.”

“Mom that sort of defeats the purpose. If it is covered by hair, why even do it in the first place. Most guys get their left ear pierced, if they are only getting one pierced.”

“I still would rather you have your right ear pierced than your left. After the initial novelty of having a pierced ear wears off, you may want to have a somewhat less noticeable alternative.”

“If I don’t get my left ear pierced, I do not think I’m going to do it. I already told Roxanne that I was sure you would be okay with it and that I would meet her tomorrow at the mall. I really want to do it, but if you say no, I will listen.”

“I can’t believe I am saying this, but I have an alternative that may sound to you a little off the wall. Instead of going to get your left ear pierced, I think you ought to have them both pierced. That way, after the first couple of weeks passes you can choose to wear any nice studs you might have in your less noticeable ear. If that is okay with you, I will pay for the piercing and get you the higher quality 14 carats studs. With the good quality studs there is less chance of infection and they will probably also look better. Besides, no one will notice your stud in your right ear with your current hairstyle.”

“You really want me to get them both pierced. That seems like a bit much. It also may seem a little strange to Roxanne.”

“I think I am compromising pretty well. I would rather you not get either pierced, but if are going forward with it, I would prefer you do both. You do what you want, but if you are really asking me, this is what I think.”

“I will give it some thought and maybe discuss it with Roxanne at the mall tomorrow. I think I am going to go to bed now. Good night.”

“Good night Alex, I am really glad you came to me before you had it done. It makes me feel very happy that you and I can talk like this. Goodnight.”

I was very tired when I hit the sack, but it still took me a long time to fall asleep. So much had happened since school let out and my mind was still racing.

I woke up in the middle of some crazy dreams. I also noticed that when I woke I was very aroused. I could not remember the dreams clearly, but I remember seeing Roxanne and some of her girlfriends in the dream and I also remember having really long hair. I tried to remember more of the dreams, but I couldn’t.

Saturday morning I had a good breakfast with my mother and spent the rest of the time getting homework done. It made the time go by and I like getting it out of the way.

I played with my hair a lot before I left for the mall. I wanted my new style to look exactly as it did when I saw Roxanne the previous evening. The weather was still good so I wore some climber style shorts and a maroon T-shirt. The climber shorts were just past my knees and I thought they looked sporty. I also wore my new clogs, because Roxanne and I picked them out together. It took me a short while to get comfortable walking in the clogs, as they had a higher heel than I was used to. They were comfortable, but they changed my posture a little.

Just like the evening before I was first to arrive at our planned destination. This time I was exactly on time, but Roxanne was not there yet. I spent a few minutes walking around in Claire's by myself. I was asked by one of the clerks if I needed any help and I said I was just looking for the moment. I could not believe how many different styles of earrings they stocked. The clerk asked me again if I needed any help picking some out.

"I'm okay, I am just waiting for a girlfriend."

"Are they for her or you?"

"Well I am not sure, but probably for me."

"Have you seen any styles you really like? We just got in some great new sterling silver hoops. They would look great with your hairstyle."

"I was thinking more on the lines of basic cold studs. I have never had pierced ears before."

"That's okay, it is really easy and you hardly feel anything. Studs are a good way to start off, but if you buy a second pair the cheaper ones are half off. After the holes heal you might like the hoops or something a little funkier than the studs."

"I don't think so, but I am going to wait for my friend."

Almost on cue Roxanne came in with her friend Jessica. Jessica was also a cheerleader and almost as beautiful as Roxanne. Roxanne introduced me to Jessica who looked straight at me and smiled.

"He is so darling. Roxanne you are absolutely right, that style looks so cute on him. I wish I had hair like that. Lex that really is a great style. I wish more guys would be adventurous with their fashion choices. Maybe you will start a new trend."

"So Lex what have you decided? Are you getting a stud?" Asked Roxanne.

Just then the clerk came back. "So you must be her friend."

All three girls just looked right at me.

"I'm not a girl!" I exclaimed in an exasperated voice

The clerk looked truly embarrassed. "I am so sorry, we were discussing different styles of earrings and you have such beautiful hair. I am really sorry."

"So Lex which PAIRS did you like?" Roxanne interjected.

I was a little silent after the turn of events. The clerk said we were discussing studs and the sterling hoops.

"I never said anything about the hoops!"

"Why don't you discuss what you like with your friends and call me over when you are ready to get them pierced."

"Let me understand, yesterday you didn't want to get a stud and today you want to get both ears pierced. These changes in you seem to be on some sort of fast track."

"It was my mom's idea to do both. She wanted me to do only the right ear, but said it would be okay if I did both. It's kind of complicated, but she said it would be better in her mind if I did both."

Jessica said, “Your mom is right. With your beautiful new styling it would be silly to only have one earring. Having both done gives you so many more options, plus you have more styles to choose from."

I was getting a little overwhelmed by the discussion. All I wanted was a stud which Roxanne thought would look good with my new style. Now I was getting confused for a girl and being told it would be silly not to have them both done. I was nearly ready to bolt from the store.

Roxanne came to my aid and put her arm around my side. "Lex I know this is probably difficult for you but I still think a stud would look great. If you want them both done, I don't see anything wrong with that. Let's look around and pick out something nice."

I felt much better when she held me. We looked around until I found some very nice gold studs. We brought them to the clerk and told her we were ready.

"What about the half off second pair? The sterling hoops are a steal at that price."

"I really don't need any hoops."

Roxanne looked at me "I think you have had enough of a makeover for now. However those hoops are really nice. How about I buy them and hold onto them. If you ever want to be extra adventurous you can borrow them from me or you can have them."

"Well if you want them, then I guess that is okay."

A few minutes later I walked out of Claire's with pierced ears. They stung a little, but probably not as much as the whole shopping experience. My mouth was dry from all of my heavy panting and nervousness.

"I need to get a cold drink. I am parched and my lips are bone dry."

“Relax Lex, you look great. Jessica and I will treat you to an iced drink at the Starbucks counter. Then we can all hang out for a while and do some window shopping.”

“Do I really look okay? This whole experience has just been a bit much for me.”

Jessica was first to comment, “they look precious and so natural on your ears. I think it brings out your new style even more. I really love them.”

“I am not sure I would use the same description as Jessica, but I do think they enhance your new styling. At first I thought a stud might look kind of radical, but seeing them now, I think they look appropriate with your new cut. I think you will probably get a lot of new attention from the girls at school. I hope you can handle that.”

“Do you think they look manly enough on me? I don’t want to create the wrong kind of image.”

“I wouldn’t worry about being so macho. The cool thing about your new style and look is how it crosses all borders and is so nonconforming. It looks kind of androgynous, which some might call a gender bender look.”

“I know what that term means. Lulu also used that word in describing some of her hairstyles.”

“Lulu was right. Your look is attention getting because it is unique and pushes the style envelope. You were looking for something more dramatic and now you have it. You wanted something outside the macho mainstream and now you have it. Maybe down the road you can create some new even more style forward look. I think for now it looks very cute and you should just chill out.”

“Let’s get that drink my lips are chapped.”

Jessica pulled out a lip balm. “I’ve got some lip balm that should help you…. Come here. Now pucker your lips.”

She guided some fruity tasting balm on my lips.

“That should feel and taste better. It’s quality shimmer I bought at Ulta.”

“What’s shimmer?”

“It is nearly clear lip balm with UV protection. It adds a little glimmer to the lips and almost no color.”

“Color! I don’t want lipstick.”

“Chill! It is not lipstick. Here look in my compact mirror. All it really does is provide Chapstick with some gloss. Look…”

I could see the shimmer and what appeared to be a little sparkle in my lips. It wasn’t that different, but I would rather not have had any gloss.

We sat at one of the few tables next to the mall Starbucks. We relax for a few minutes sipping our drinks. The conversation was a lot like the one I had experience with Roxanne the night before. It revolved around school, gossip, but added a little extra about clothes and boys. The last part left me a little uncomfortable. They were discussing some guys that they clearly had some interest in. They didn’t stay on that subject long whenever they remembered I was sitting next to them.

Jessica commented on my choice of fashion, “with your new sense of style we ought to help you pick out some new fall clothing.”

“Thank you, but I have just bought a lot of new stuff and really don’t need anything more.”

“Well if you are going to want to start hanging out more with us girls, you have to realize you can never have enough clothes.”

We all chuckled a little at that last comment.

“I like your clogs. I have a similar pair. My pair is red, but they also come in lots of different colors and some fun variations.”

“That’s nice. They are pretty expensive and I don’t need another pair yet.”

“I’m just checking and besides, Roxanne said you have a birthday coming up in just over a week.”

“Roxanne!”

“I think your birthday was yesterday when your new image emerged,” quipped Jessica in an attempt to be funny.

“Enough already, stop teasing me. Roxanne why did you tell Jessica about my birthday? I wasn’t planning to do anything.”

“That’s why. I thought it might be fun to get together with a few of my friends next weekend and have a small celebration. Nothing crazy, just you and a bunch of hot girls. Do you think you could handle that?”

“Well of course, but you don’t need to do that.”

“That’s what friends are for. It will be something new for you. You will find out what it’s like to be at an all girl party. It should be a really special experience.”

“Well I’ll be there.”

“You know what I mean. It will be fun and you might get some silly gifts. Today I think we will just do some walking around the mall and maybe we will get some birthday ideas for you. At a minimum, you can help pick out some things you like for Jesse and myself.

“That sounds all right, but you really don’t need to get me anything.”

For the next 2+ hours we were in and out of practically every store in the mall that sold clothes. I felt very weird at first going into some of the stores. I would never have ventured into any of the stores without a girl at my side. I would have had no reason to. They browsed through the racks of clothes and even had me look through some of the clothes with them. They insisted that I pick out some of the styles I thought would look good on them. After a while I began to feel somewhat less awkward about being there.

In a few of the boutiques I had sales girls come over to me just like at Claire’s. No one gave me any trouble, but they all wanted to see if they could help me find something. One of the girls came over to me at Bebe’s and said I was looking at the wrong rack.

“I’m just browsing with my friends.”

“That’s perfectly okay, but none of you are as big as a size 12. Your friends are probably fours and you are probably no more than an eight. Those racks are right behind you.”

I did not even know what she was saying, but I think she thought I might be looking for myself, which made me very defensive.

“I’m with them and just killing time, thanks anyway.”

“That’s fine, if you change your mind I would be glad to help you.”

“Lex, see anything you like?” Roxanne inquired.

“Everything is very pretty, but I don’t know anything about girl stuff. It’s not as simple as guy clothing. I don’t even know what I’m looking at.”

Jessica cut in; “think of it as an adventure. It’s all-new to you and we can be your guides. After spending time with us you will become a pro at this.”

“I don’t think I need to be a pro at this.”

“You never know. It could come in handy with your girlfriends.”

“That’s true. By the way, the sales girls called me an eight, what does that mean? “

Both girls giggled a little.

Roxanne walked over to me and showed me a label. “Sizing in here is different than at a place like sports authority. It’s not small medium large in here. Sizing is more like 2-4-6-8 etc… The clerk probably was just pointing out that if you saw something you like for someone about your size it would probably be a size 8. Some stores use other types of sizing and I will explain all of those to you as you need to know.”

“So she was telling me I’m an eight in girls sizes!”

“I was not listening to her, but I guess so. If you did see something you like, it would have to have an eight on it.”

“Not likely, there’s nothing for me in here.”

“For someone as fashion forward as yourself, you sound very close minded right now. Pants are pants, T-shirts are T-shirts, I don’t expect you to pick out a cocktail dress, but you never know what you might find on the racks. That is why it is fun to shop.”

“Yeah, but everything is so girlish. I doubt I will find anything I could consider. I think I will focus on stuff for you.”

“Suit yourself, but keep an open mind. That’s one of the things I really like about you. In front of you are capris that are on sale. Look at that tan pair. Those are not much different than the short you are wearing right now. I am not saying you need or should want those capris, but I bet they would look pretty good on you.”

“I get your point. I will keep an open mind, but as I said I really don’t need much.”

The rest of our time shopping went better, I found myself looking at the racks for gender-neutral items. Initially I was looking at clothes for the girls, now they had me casually flipping through clothes that I might consider for myself. By the last store we went into, a boutique called Cusip, I instinctively walk straight to the size 8 discount rack. I pulled out a few T-shirts, held them up, and then quickly put them back. There was no way I was going to say I liked something for myself even if I might have.

We had hit virtually every shop at the mall and it was time to leave. Jessica had driven to the mall and volunteered to give me and Roxanne rides home. On our way out we ran into two more of their friends, Amy and Lauren.

The girls ran up to them to greet them. They exchange the ritualistic hugs and started chatting at 100 mph. When I made my way up to them they looked at me and said, “You must be Lexi.”

“Lex, not Lexi, why should I be surprised you know my name.”

We got introduced and they gave me a hug as well.

“Anybody find anything that was must have?” Asked Amy.

“Mostly window shopping with Lex. Kind of showing Lex what it’s like to do a Saturday afternoon at the mall,” said Roxanne.

They all sort of smiled at her comment.

“But Lex did get his ears pierced. Show them Lex.”

I turned so they could see my left ear and put my hand to my ear as if they needed a guide as to where to look.

Jessica looked at me and said, “lift up your hair so they can see them both.”

I was not happy with her insistence, but complied begrudgingly.

“They do look lovely,” was the first thing I heard, which came from Lauren.

“Getting both done is so much better than one.” Added Amy.

I had enjoyed spending time with two very beautiful and popular girls, but was ready to go home. “I think it’s time to go. I got some things I need to do at home.”

“We wish we had met up with you earlier. I would have enjoyed spending time with you Lex,” mentioned Lauren.

“Maybe another time Lauren, it was nice meeting you both.”

Jessica shuttled us home and dropped me off first. I thanked her for the ride and spending the afternoon with me.

“It was my pleasure. I think we are going to be good friends. It was fun shopping together. We didn’t buy much, but maybe next time you’ll find something for yourself.”

“Thanks again,” I said as I closed the car door.

I walked into our empty homes and grabbed a Diet Coke from the fridge. It was the first time I had time to sit back and really think about the whole turn of events.

I was enjoying spending social time with Roxanne and her friends, but it was a pretty unusual and an almost surreal experience. She was treating me like a best buddy, but definitely not like a boyfriend. Her friends were also very social, but not in any sort of flirtatious way. I had some new friends, but very different than I ever had before. I liked being with them, but it was a very new experience to me.

I did not want to admit it, but having the small peek into their world was enjoyable. It was a little embarrassing at times, but still how else would I have had the opportunity to be with so many cute girls. I didn’t think I would tell any of my guy friends about the activities, but maybe they could see me at school with my new acquaintances.

I made a quick stop in the bathroom and while I was washing up I started looking at myself in the mirror again. I still had some of the gloss on my lips and I was mesmerized by how my ears look different with the studs. As I shook my head right to left I realized that some of the gender confusion was not far-fetched. From my neck up, I could easily be mistaken by someone not looking at me very closely. I liked the image, but with the earrings my look was definitely androgynous. It was the first time I was a little nervous about going back to school on Monday.

Just after 5:30 my mother returned home with some carryout food from our favorite Italian restaurant called Hole in the Wall. She had a pasta dish and a big salad for us to split. When she saw me she let out a soft “oh my.”

“What mom?”

“You did it.”

“Did what?”

“You got your ears pierced.”

“I said I was going to.”

“I know, but I thought you might not when I asked you to do both instead of just one.”

“You said it was all right… and I did them both like you asked.”

“I guess I am glad you listened to me, but I somehow thought that when I suggested that you do both or none, that you would do none.”

“Mom! That is not how I took it. You said it was okay so I did it.”

“You are right, but I was hoping I might change your mind. With the new haircut and all, I thought you might reconsider.”

“I thought about it, but decided I wanted the total look.”

“You certainly got that. I hardly recognize you with your hair and earrings you could be mistaken for a… Alex, what’s on your lips?”

“Roxanne’s friend Jessica, put some lip balm on my chapped lips it helps a lot.”

“Your lips are glimmering and they appear redder.”

“It’s all she had and it’s basically clear.”

“If you say so. Your new look is going to take some time for me to get adjusted to. Are there any other changes I should know about?”

“Like what, Mom?”

“Nothing, it’s just that you seem to have quickly adjusted to some very big changes.”

“I’ve made some new friends and they all seem to think this new me is better than the old one. At least for now, I am enjoying it.”

“Okay Alex, let’s have some dinner. We will deal with this new you as it comes.”

“ It’s still me. Please don’t worry.”

Saturday night I just stayed in and watched a movie. There really wasn't much on, so I watched the original high school musical for the second time. I seemed to enjoy it more this time as my appreciation for dance and singing was on the rise. The story was pretty sappy, but I really enjoyed the production. I even got up a couple of times and tried to follow along with the dancing.

Later in the evening I did some surfing on my computer. My first stop was Roxanne's Facebook page. She had posted that she spent the afternoon with friends, including one special friend. The last post made me get excited. I was not a Facebook friend of Jessica, but I went to her page anyway. It was marked private, so I could not tell if she had said anything about the afternoon. I decided to add her as a friend. So I clicked the button and asked to be friends. I sent her a brief note thanking her again for a fun afternoon.

My own page was nothing special. I had about 25 friends with Roxanne currently my only girlfriend. I decided to update my picture with my new look. That way some of my friends would not be so surprised when they saw me at school on Monday. I took some photos with the Photo Booth feature on my MacBook. When I felt I had a good one, I posted it to my Facebook page. I also made it my profile shot. I updated my recent activity board to say that I had an amazing afternoon with extra special company. I really wanted to mention Roxanne's name, but thought better of it.

The next morning I slept in. After breakfast I logged back into Facebook only to find I had multiple messages and friend requests. Jessica accepted me and there were 10 other girls from school requesting my friendship. I was in heaven. Most of the girls were in Roxanne's friend list, but I did not even know a few of them. I wasted no time adding them to my friends.

I also received some messages from some of my guy friends. None of them were nasty, but they were mostly good-natured teasing. Included were comments like, "When did you take up modeling? Did you get run over by a beauty salon? Who put you up to this?" They were not ringing endorsements, but I wouldn't expect any guy friends to tell me I looked really good.

One of my closest friends, Sam, asked if he could come by in the afternoon to see me firsthand. I texted him on my phone and told him to come by after lunch.

The new change of style had certainly created an avalanche of activity on my Facebook page and apparently in my social circle. I was enjoying the notoriety.

Sam came by after lunch and my mother sent him up to my room, because I did not hear her calling me. When he saw me he looked at me with a forced stunned look, "so it's for real!"

"Of course, I got it cut Friday."

"And the earring, where did that come from?"

“I was out with Roxanne yesterday and she thought it would be cool with my new style."

"You were with Roxanne! What for?"

"Since we worked together this summer we have been hanging out together. She's amazing."

"I can't believe you hang with Roxanne. She's a babe. But that cut is so weird."

"I think it is stylish and very edgy. I already got over 10 Facebook friend requests from girls at school. How's that for weird."

"That's cool, but I still think you look kind of swishy."

"It's called androgynous. Think Johnny Depp."

"Well if you make a lot of new girlfriends don't forget me."

I did not tell him about my afternoon at the mall only that I hung out with Roxanne. We chatted for a while about guy stuff like sports, but for whatever reason it was not as much fun as chatting with Roxanne and Jessica. We played a few video games and he left in the late afternoon.

After he departed I check my Facebook page again and had some more hits. Four more girls had added me, and even three popular guys that I was not that close with had requested to be added. One of them had commented that I had more cute girlfriends than him, so he figured I must be okay. Another male friend asked for an add, and only said, I must be pretty brave. I approve them all and now had over 40 friends. Life was looking up.

I was more at ease about going back to school Monday, but still a little apprehensive. Around 9:00 pm, I got a call from Roxanne. My heart skipped a beat when I realized it was Roxy. She asked if I would like a ride to school in the morning with her and Lauren. I was thrilled by her invitation and calmly said, "It would be very nice."

She had never before offered me a ride to school, and it would certainly be good for my revamped image. It had been a great weekend and I was strangely looking forward to Monday. I dressed down on Monday morning to tone down my new style. I wore some Blue jeans and one of the dark green new T-shirts my mother had picked up for me. I figured my hair and ears would be enough attention getting for one day. I was so right.

The ride to school was short and there was not much time for conversation. Roxanne knew that many of her friends had been to my Facebook page. She was pleased that I posted my new profile shot. She reiterated that I look very cute and told me to relax and just go with the flow. She said some blockheads might give me a hard time about my new style, but that my friends were with me all the way. She said she would hang with me in the halls whenever possible and a few of her friends planned to do the same.

“I realize that I encouraged you to make some of these style changes. I can see that you are happy with the changes, but I want to be certain that it does not cause you any problems or discomfort. I think you'll find most girls supportive, but some insecure guys may be hard to be around today. Think of your day as theater with each part a different act. Let's meet up after school so you can update me on your day."

My nervous excitement was not misplaced. The day was full of ups and downs. I received lots of encouragement and complements from girls in my classes. I received a few too many comments like, “I look very pretty.” Fortunately, most of them were given in complementary ways. I think some of the students thought I changed my style as a social statement. I guess in an indirect way I had, but it was really just about taking on a more dramatic or artsy look.

I received very few positive comments from guys, but then I never expected any. Two kids that I knew were gay, made a point of telling me I looked fabulous. A lot of guys gave me an uncomfortable stare, but only one Neanderthal called me a faggot. This kid was such an idiot, that I took it as a compliment that he insulted me. The hardest part was seeing my closest male friends. I had already spent time with Sam, but Chris and Jake were kind of distant to me. I cornered Chris later and he said nothing was wrong, however, I could tell he was a little confused by his friends make over. All in all the day went well and I enjoy the company of all of the girls.

After school I met up with Roxanne and she gave me a big hug right in front of the school's main entrance. It felt real good, because it was so visible to my classmates and because of how I felt about her.

Roxanne asked me about my day and was very pleased that it was mostly good. She then invited me to a gathering of her friends in honor of my birthday. She did not know how many of her friends would be there, but it would be a girl's Saturday +1. Some of the girls would be sleeping over, but I was invited just for the evening festivities. She told me to come by at eight o'clock. I was on cloud nine and there was no doubt I would be attending the get-together.

I headed home to tell my mother about my day and the party on Saturday. She seemed relieved that school went smoothly. She was keenly interested how my classmates reacted to my newfound style. I think she expected more critical sentiment.

"Mom, today people are just freer to express themselves. It's not like we live in some backward little town, you practically have to be different if you want to make your mark. Most of the students didn't even blink an eye."

"That's good honey, I was worried that you might have been uncomfortable."

"I was fine, in fact, Roxanne invited me to a get together with friends at her house Saturday. She wants to celebrate my birthday, which is a couple of days later.”

"Roxanne seems to have taken quite an interest in you, since you styled your hair. She seems like a nice girl, but be careful so you don't get hurt or disappointed."

I won’t mom, I do hope the relationship becomes more, but she is introducing me to a lot of people and I'm having fun."

"Just be careful."

The rest of the week I settled in to my regular routine with the exception of chatting a lot with new friends. Some of the girls did some probing of my interests. "What's your favorite color?" Or "do I wear pajamas to bed?" There were lots of weird questions.

My relationship with my guy friends seemed to improve after a brief cool period. I think they realized that a lot of girls were now giving me the time of day. I still got an occasional strange looks from the guys, but the negative comments became less and less.

I was anxious for Saturday to arrive. I was clueless about the party’s activities. All I knew was that Roxanne would do her best to make me feel happy and a lot of her friends were already being friendly to me.

 

*          *          *
 
End of Part 1
 
 
To Be Continued...

A CHANGE OF STYLE -- PART 2

by NINA ADAMS

In the 2nd of four parts we follow Alex as he slides further down a path across the androgynous lines, with the help of Roxanne and her friends. His friendship takes him places that few boys have the opportunity to experience. His gradual acceptance of his changes helps enrich his life, but forces him to make some complex choices.

MY BIRTHDAY PARTY
My mom let me take the car to Roxanne’s house so I would have the flexibility to come home whenever I wanted to. She insisted I come home before midnight. I wore the cashmere sweater again with some light green slacks that Roxanne and I picked out at Guess. I wanted to wear my Dansko shoes again, but I didn’t think they matched. Instead, I wore an older pair of slip-ons that I wore over the summer.

When I knocked at Roxanne’s door no one answered. I looked around and there was only one light on in the kitchen. I went around to the side door next to the kitchen and knocked again. After pounding on the door a few times, Roxanne’s older sister Lori answered.

“Can I help you?”

“Roxanne invited me over. She said to come by at 8:00. Is she home?”

“She may be down in the basement. Let’s go check.”

She walked me down the stairs to a dimly lit room. At the bottom of the stairs I was startled by a “SURPRISE!”

Roxanne had set me up for the surprise with her sister. I knew she was having friends over with my birthday as an excuse, but they played the game to add to my fun. It was a non-surprise, surprise party.

I smiled and thanked everyone. There were 10 girls in attendance. I had never been the focus of such beautiful attention. It was too amazing to imagine.

The first hour or so we just talked and got to know each other. I knew some of the girls from school and had spoken with some of them for the first time during the week. Almost all of them had made some sort of nice comment about my improved styling. One girl told me my hair was so beautiful that I just had to let it grow. She said it would be even more beautiful if I let it grow a few more inches. I was appreciative of her thoughts, but not sure I would let it get that long.

The conversation shifted to fashion and beauty. They started talking about the new fall styles and what they had recently picked up. I had gone shopping with Roxanne and Jessica, but felt a bit like an outsider by the conversation. They even discuss the newest makeup products that they had recently seen.

At about 10 o’clock the lights went dim again and a white sheet cake was brought in with 18 candles. One candle for each of my years and one for the birth of my new image. I knew much of this was the result of my bold styling changes, but the girls really wanted to emphasize that I had entered a new world.

Roxanne was the first to give me a birthday kiss. I received a series of additional kisses immediately after hers. After everyone was finished congratulating me, Roxanne announced to me that they all got me a present with a special theme.

Roxanne made a small speech explaining my desires to be in theater and the arts. She explained how my new look was the result of looking for greater style and a more dramatic appearance. By the time she was done everyone knew of my regular Lulu appointment and Lulu’s discussion of androgynous hairstyling.

That led to her explaining the theme for my gifts. Everyone had gotten me something that was either gender-neutral or something to enhance my androgynous look. Based upon the theme, I was certain I would not be getting any computer games. I did not know what to expect, but would probably be getting things I did not already own.

Jessica was first to give me a gift. It was from her and a friend, Allison. It was another pair of Dansko shoes. Unlike my current pair, these were maroon and in patent leather. They were almost identical in styling to mine, but obviously more colorful and attention-getting. I gave both girls a peck on the cheek and said thanks.

From Lauren I received a new pair of jeans. These were as she described them, skinny jeans. They had zippers on the top front pockets and also on the bottom of the pants. She said that besides being more fashionable, zippers help make them easier to pull on.

A girl named Jenny gave me a pair of hunter green capris. She said the dark color was very popular with guys who wore Capri style shorts. These capris were very similar to the ones Jessica had pointed out to me.

I received a couple of pastel colored T-shirts from a girl named Nicole. The neckline had a more oval opening than most of my T-shirts and the sleeves were only three quarter length. The tops were very soft and she said they would go great with my new jeans.

Melissa a girl I had never met until the party, bought me a silver chain bracelet. She said that she saw that I always liked to wear my hemp bracelet and this would look nice on my other wrist.

Tricia gave me a gift card to get a manicure and pedicure at Spa Nails City in Highland Park. She said I would really enjoy getting pampered and having well groomed nails is always sexy. “More and more guys get them done now, it is as gender-neutral as any gift could be.”

One of Roxanne’s cheerleader teammates gave me a gift that made me a little fidgety. She gave me five sets of cotton underwear. They were boy style briefs from Gap and matching T-tops. The only problem is that they were from the girl’s section. The bottoms, which were technically panties, had no fly in and a much narrower waistband. The top was similar to my tank tops but also had narrower shoulder straps and cut differently. They were all white and not overly feminine, but I found them a little confusing. No one would see these, yet they clearly were meant for me to feel less manly. I had been somewhat reluctantly moving along this path to a more androgynous style, but now they were encouraging me to feel more gender-neutral in private. This gift was the most surprising one I had received.

Two of the cheerleaders, Jana and Nina, together gave me an ultra soft red cashmere sweater. It had a round neckline with sleeves that were puffier than on my cashmere sweater. Near the wrists, they had a wide tighter area that served as a cuff. It was from the Misses section at Lord and Taylor. I loved the feel, but red was not my first choice of colors.

It was Roxanne’s turn next. She got me a yoga outfit. She was inviting me to join her yoga group that worked out together. She told me it would help keep me toned up and it was a fun group. The outfit was from Lulumon Athletica and was made specifically for yoga. She told me it was exactly like hers and very comfortable. It was formfitting and very stretchy. Unlike some of my older running pants I noticed the bottoms only went down to mid calf. “That’s the style” she insisted. She also gave me a piece of underwear she called a thong. She said with the tight fitting outfit this would give me a better fit. She said that the thong would also make a lot of my other clothes look nicer. I tried to give her a kiss on the lips, but she turned her cheek just before I made contact. I felt shortchanged, but she had been doing so much for me, so I tried not to be that upset.

Another cheerleader, Rita, gave me a crazy gift. I opened her nicely wrapped box from Macy’s and found a new set of pajamas. That would not be so odd if they had not been girls PJs. They were basic blue, like my regular pajamas, but they were made of satin. I looked at her and said, “thank you, but I can’t wear these.”

“Once you try them you will love them. They will make you feel so amazing in bed.”

Roxanne cut in, “You should try them at least once before you decide.”

I shrugged my shoulders so I wouldn’t have to answer with words I might regret.

The gifts were getting more and more across the gender line. I liked the attention, but was feeling like they were pushing me past a point I was comfortable with. I received a few other miscellaneous gifts, including a package of three flavors of the lip shimmer Jessica had previously applied on me. Each had a slightly different tint. The set also came with a gift card from Ulta Cosmetics.

My hall of gifts was quite substantial. I had not received so many gifts in a very long time. Some of them would be difficult to show to my mother, due to how far they had stretched the birthday theme. When I was done receiving my gifts, I thanked everyone. The girls insisted that I try on some of the gifts.

In a few minutes I was parading around the room in my new jeans, a yellow T-shirt, and my new Dansko shoes. My new bracelet was snapped into place. The girls all clapped with enthusiasm. Jessica walked over to me and said “Pucker up again, your lips are dry.”

Like a lamb I pushed out my lips and she spread her tube on my lips. I was not aware until later that evening that the current lip treatment was pinker than her previous shimmer. I remained in my new clothes until I got home a little after 11 PM. I was honored by the extreme attention I had received, but felt pretty un-manly by the direction of it all.

I had let it happen, but I knew I should have resisted the rapid-fire attempt to de-emasculate me. I figured the girls really liked me and eventually hanging out with them could lead to more meaningful relationships.

I had kissed a few girls over the years and had a couple of quasi-steady girlfriends prior to Roxanne, but had never gone further than first base. Not all of my friends had done the big deed, but I was feeling some anxiety that I had not. Hanging out with a bunch of hot girls seemed my best opportunity to get lucky. I hoped in my heart that Roxanne and I would become closer, but if that was not to be, I was open to being with someone else who made me feel special. I guess some good-natured humiliation would be worth the end result.

My mother was still up and greeted me in the kitchen. I was grabbing bottle water, when she effectively cornered me. I wanted to retreat to my bedroom, but did not make it. She looked me over and didn’t miss any of the details.

“Aren’t you pretty? Looks like you enjoyed your girl time.”

“Mom it was not what you think. The girls were all really sweet and I had fun. They gave me some pretty goofy gifts and all of them were very friendly. I met some new friends and we didn’t do anything that you wouldn’t have approved of.”

“I assume your ensemble’ that you have on was one of the goofy gifts you are referring to.”

“Well yeah, but I received a few others.”

“Can I see?”

“How about later, I’m kind of tired.”

“Come on now, let me see. You can go to bed in a few minutes.”

“Okay then, but don’t take them too seriously.”

I opened my two bags and pulled out the series of gifts. Mom was astonished by some of them. She didn’t seem very pleased by them either.

“Honey, there are some very expensive gifts in here. These are not gag gifts. A lot of thought went into these and the girls obviously are pushing you even further along the fashion frontier than just your androgynous hairstyling. Some of these items pushed the concept to a whole new level. Do you understand that?”

“It’s just the girls having fun with me. I know some of this is a bit weird, but I really like spending time with them. If I get too uncomfortable I will put an end to the silliness.”

“Are you planning to keep these things?”

“It would not be nice to return them unless I had a very good reason. I’ll just stick them in the back of my closet.”

“No you won’t. Those were expensive gifts, if you’re going to keep them you will wear them at least a little. If you want to return them, then that’s fine, but if you keep them, then you will wear them. Is that clear?”

“Crystal mom, Crystal. Let me think about that overnight and let you know tomorrow. Okay?”

“That’s fine. If we are going to return them I can run them back tomorrow afternoon. See you in the morning.”

I went to bed think the about what my mother had said. If I chose to keep these gifts I would have to wear them. When I received them, I figured I could just get away with wearing them with Roxanne or not at all. Now my mom was changing the rules. Maybe my mother was telling me that, because she liked the gifts and wanted me to wear them. I wanted to keep them, but if I did, I would certainly be putting them to use.

I woke up feeling very refreshed and again it in an aroused state. I couldn’t remember my dreams, but I felt good when I rolled out of bed.

I made myself a bowl of cereal and some tea. I read the entertainment section of my Mom’s Sunday Tribune, which was my favorite part of the paper. When I was almost done my mother came in and joined me. She grabbed some coffee and asked how I slept.

“Pretty good, I feel well rested.”

“That’s good. So am I’m returning the gifts or do you want to keep them?”

“Gee mom, I am just getting to know most of these girls. If I return them I might hurt some feelings.”

“You remember what I said last night?”

“I do. I could get away with a couple of wares of each.”

“You know what I said and meant. If you keep them they are yours to wear. Just like everything else in your closet. Not just to say you wore them once, but rather as part of your wardrobe.”

“That’s pretty harsh.”

“So I will return them. Please bring them down with the gift receipts.”

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t wear them. I am not a coward and I don’t want to lose these friends before I even get to know them.”

“Decide!”

“I think I am going to keep them.”

My mom looked almost shocked by my decision. At first, I thought her ultimatum may have been to encourage me to try the new fashions, but based upon her look, I knew she was surprised by my decision.

She finished her coffee without saying a word. A few minutes later she looked at me and said, “well, if you are going to keep them let’s put them to use. Please go upstairs and put on your new underwear the capris and one of the new tops. Don’t forget the bracelet and lips shimmer.

She was clearly trying to make a point. She wanted to see the full effect and have me feel it as well. I went upstairs and complied. When I came down she looked at me and said this is much better, but you are not wearing the thong. Go back upstairs and put it on. Push your private parts between your legs then slip up the thong. The capris will have a cleaner line then.

It was a little uncomfortable as I came down the stairs. My stride was shorter to help with the discomfort.

“Now you look much better. Tonight before bed I want you to shave your legs. You have very little hair there anyway, but with capris and some of your other pretty clothes, they will look nicer.”

She was clearly upset with my insistence on keeping everything. This was her way of making a point. I did not want to back down.

“Now Alex, grab a light coat we are going shopping.”

“What! I’m not leaving the house like this!”

“Well you certainly are. Now grab a coat.”

“I was scared to leave my safe home dressed in nothing but girls things.”

“Where are we going?”

“If you’re going to wear some of these things then you should pick up some accessories. Bring your Ulta gift card with you.”

Our first stop was Kohl’s.

“Honey you will get to like this store. They have just about everything and with reasonable prices. We went to the Misses section and picked out a couple of belts. We grabbed two sets of tights in black and silver. Next we went to the shoe section and she had me try on some girl’s loafers and a pair of Mary Jane’s. Mary Jane’s looked all-girl and I was adamant that I did not want them. Mom put them in the basket anyway. Next we walked me over to see some of the newest arrivals at the front section near the register. She held up a very long sweater from the Vera Wang display. She then looked at me and said, “With your long legs this would look gorgeous.”

It went swiftly into the basket. She spotted a pair of black full-length slacks made of some sort of satiny material. They were not shiny, but almost parachute like in apperance. “This would look lovely with your new red sweater. I am not sure the size so I need you to try them on.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No not in the least. You brought on this whole thing yourself, so now get in there and let me see this on you.”

I walked into the empty changing room. It didn’t even occur to me until later that no one said a word when I went into the girls changing area.

“Those are perfect. Now we need one more thing since those do not have pockets.”

We ended up looking at leather purses.

“Which one do you like? There are so many nice ones.”

“I don’t want any of them.”

“You pick or I will for you.”

I grabbed a small plain looking black one, so as to avoid a more feminine looking alternative.

“Not my first choice, but it goes with your new slacks and will probably work with many of your other clothes.”

We were about to leave, but made a detour to the massive lingerie section. “There is so much here that we could buy. I really ought to get you everything, but I think we can hold back a little for now. I think you can wear everything we bought, if we buy too much I think it would cause too many problems at school.”

She then saw some hip and but pads and smiled as she put them in the cart. “Some of the items will look and fit better with these.”

Finally we were done with the store and went to check out. The cashier was very friendly and asked my mom if she and her daughter had found everything we needed. My mom just said, “Yes we did, thank you.”

I was ready to go home and cry, when we pulled into a parking spot in front of Ulta.

“You are going to need some skin care products and maybe something to get the peach fuzz off your legs and arms.”

She picked out a ladies electric razor and some skin oils. We got exfoliates for my skin and expensive face creams. She then called a consultant over and asked if any of the introductory cosmetics sets were better than any of the others.

“Well ma’am, the Revlon kit has virtually everything and the quality is extremely good. If it is for your daughter over there, then I would go with that set. It will be perfect for her skin tone. By the way I just love her hair.”

When we were checking out I kept staring at the makeup set.

“There is no possible way I’m going to start wearing makeup. I think you have lost it. You are taking this silliness way too far.”

“You took it too far Alex, I am only helping you do it right. I don’t expect you to wear makeup to school, but I think it’s time I taught you a thing or two about what girls really have to go through to look nice. This thing of yours is about having a gender-neutral look. So I’m going to teach you some things about the gender you do not know much about.”

“Are we done?”

“For now, but no promises.”

When we got home I went up to my room and spent the rest of the afternoon up there alone. I really did not want to face my mother. I did not understand what came over her and I was not pleased with it. We always were so very close and talked everything through. This time however, she was treating me in a way that seemed unfair and uncalled for.

She called me down for dinner at around six. I took my time joining her at the kitchen table. I still was wearing my new clothes, as I did not want to further upset her. She had made some of my favorite pasta marinara, which was the last thing I expected her to do.

She started the conversation by offering a partial apology.

“Alex, I am sorry for losing my composure with you this afternoon. I should never have dragged you around and treated you as if you were a child. I was upset at the recent turn of events and not sure how best to deal with it.”

“Mom, you don’t have to fret. I’m still your Alex.”

“I know. You have not broken any house rules, or given me a reason to be this mad at you. I am just trying to figure out what you are really up to and what you really want. These physical changes and your recent interest in being part of that group of girls is something we both have to deal with.”

“They are just friends.”

“Yes, but they are not treating you like they would treat most boys. They are treating you almost like one of the girls.”

“Mom, they just befriended me because they like my fashion statement. They think they are helping me and hence my dramatic new look.”

“They are helping you, but maybe not exactly like you planned.”

“It’s all good natured. I’m sure I can handle it.”

I bought you some new things today because I plan to teach you a few lessons. I hope that by showing you a few things, rather than the girls doing it, you may get a clear image of how this is impacting you. You are also less likely to get hurt if I show you how easily your new look could be misinterpreted.”

“What have you in mind?”

“Nothing crazy, I am going to show you a few minor tricks that would make you even more girlish. My point is, to show you how little you need for your androgynous look to look non-androgynous on the other side of the fence. Comprende’?”

“I see, but I won’t let that happen.”

“I’m sorry Alex, but to some extent you already have. If you are going to hang with the girls you need to see how it is affecting you. I suspect you will see the light soon enough.

I think I did enough to you for one day so we can start our lessons later in the week. However, I do want you to wear your new Pajamas to bed tonight. You also have to dress in some of your new clothes for school tomorrow.”

“Just let me know what I need to do. I’m going to finish my homework and get ahead on some of this week’s reading.”

Just before bed, I put on my new pajamas. I nearly had an orgasm the moment they touched my penis. I could not believe the sensation my body felt as the top and bottom pressed on my body. I was scared by how good I felt in them. I looked at myself in the mirror, if not for the pole in my crotch, I looked astonishingly feminine. It was not an androgynous image.

I slipped into bed and tried to fall asleep. The sensation made that very difficult so it took me much longer than usual to fall asleep. When I woke at 6 AM, I realized that I had experienced a complete orgasm in my sleep. I had never done that before. I vaguely remembered dreaming about having been with Roxanne and her friends and shopping for dresses. I couldn’t remember the details, but there was a dress I had seen at Kohl’s on a manikin that I was showing the girls. I took off my new pajamas and put them in the laundry.

I wore my new bracelet and one of the T-shirts with a three-quarter length sleeves, along with a pair of my regular blue jeans. The bracelet was very visible with the shorter length of the T-shirt sleeves. I was not ready to enter school wearing more girl stuff than that. My mother gave me a small smile at breakfast and told me I looked sweet.

At school Roxanne seemed very pleased that I had accepted the gifts and was making use of them. She invited me over Tuesday to do some yoga. She told me to wear my new outfit and not to forget the thong. I told her I would see her then.

Back at home that evening my mother told me to see her about an hour before I planned to go to bed. When I did she brought me into the bathroom and took out my new electric razor.

“You really do not have very much hair on your body. I think you got that trait from me. You hardly ever even need to shave your face. I want you to use this and shave your legs arms and any other stray hairs you can find. Make sure you get under your arms as well. This will help improve your appearance in some of your new fashions. Take a quick shower when you are done and rub some moisturizers into your skin. I’ll see you in the morning.”

When I finished I went back into my bedroom and saw my new pajamas folded nicely and alone on top of my bed. I slipped them on over my silky smooth body. They felt even more incredible on my hairless body.

Each day at school that week I wore something the girls had given me. I even wore the new zipped bottom jeans and the cashmere sweater, but not together. Back at home my mother was showing me the finer details of acting feminine. Each day she had a new lesson for me. Tuesday was a lesson on posture. Wednesday she showed me the difference in how boys and girls walked. Thursday was voice lessons. Each time I complained that I didn’t need to know these things she reminded me that I was a theater major and all of this would come in useful someday.

Tuesday at Roxanne’s house I joined her and three friends for some yoga stretching and exercising. It was much more difficult than I expected. Roxanne took me into the bathroom to adjust my thong. With the tight fitting yoga outfit I looked very flat in front.

“See how much better that looks. You are now smooth in front and the tights look so much better.”

The effect removed the one masculine feature that separated me from the girls. All the girls complimented me on how well my new workout clothes fit. I got used to it after about 15 minutes.

I asked Roxanne to a movie Friday but she told me someone had already asked her out. I was heartbroken and decided I would stay home. I mentioned to my mother my disappointment and she said she was not completely surprised. She said that Roxanne seemed to be a very nice girl, but her interest in me seemed mostly as a friend and not as a boyfriend. I told her I was a boy friend, but she rebutted by saying not in the traditional sense. We left it at that.

She took the opportunity of my evening at home to continue her special form of education.

“Tonight honey, I want to show you some makeup skills. You will probably need to learn some of these if you plan to stick with your theater interests.”

“I really don’t have a need for that yet. Maybe when the spring play comes along.”

“Alex, it is more than that. Just like the other things I showed you earlier in the week it is important for you to understand how small changes to your appearance can send messages that you may not have intended. I’m going to go upstairs and put on some makeup so you can see how much different I look, then I do right now. I will call you up in about 15 minutes.”

That did not seem too intimidating so I said, “that sounds great, I look forward to it.”

When I came up to her room a short while later she looked absolutely ravishing. She had not done herself up like that in a very long time and I had sort of forgotten how truly beautiful my mother was.

“Wow, you look stunning. Don’t take this wrong but you look so beautiful right now.”

“It’s the art of cosmetics and as you can see if you know what you are doing, you can really bring out the best in someone.”

“Well you certainly know what you are doing.”

“I want to show you what we bought for you in your makeup kit at Ulta. It really is very complete. I have a few things you can also use when you practice with these.”

“Practice?”

“Yes. I don’t expect you to wear eyeliner or ruby red lipstick to school, but I want you to learn some of the important fundamentals. You can only get good at it with practice.”

She proceeded to show me everything in the kit and explained what they were for. She told me that I should be very good at this since I loved to paint. She was probably right about my skills with a brush. After spending a half hour or so going through a verbal explanation of all the products, she declared its time to play a little. She grabbed a couple of barrettes and pushed my hair aside above both my ears.

“In another week you’ll be going back to Lulu’s. Your hair is getting pretty long. Do you still want to let it grow or is this long enough?”

“I had no special length in mind, but Lulu thinks if I let it grow until Christmas she had some cool ideas. I was going to just let Lulu do her thing. I like her sense of style and trust her.”

“Teenagers do not need a lot of makeup. Your skin is smooth and you have very little to cover up. Over the next few minutes I tried to take everything in, but it was to some extent a blur. She put some powder on my face and along my cheek line. She rubbed in cream around my eyes and covered it with some powder. Next was a black pencil that outlined my eyes. She used the same pencil on my brows.

After a while I could see my mother was actually enjoying the process. She did not have a daughter and I think this was fun for her. She took out a brush and worked in some mascara to my eyes. It was around that point she started to get a concerned look on her face. She took out some bright colored powders and with a small brush started working them in over my eyes. Her last area she focused on was my lips. She outlined them with a pencil and painted on some pinkish red lipstick. She asked me to wipe my teeth with my tongue.

She stared at me for a full minute and I could tell she was getting a little emotional. She took out my barrettes and fluffed my hair until she was satisfied.

“Alex before I show you how you look, I want you to be prepared. I did this to show you how little it would take for someone to mistake your androgynous style for a girl’s style. The look you are going to seek cannot be mistaken. You look like a very lovely woman. There is nothing boyish to this look. It is a lot like I looked at your age. I think I may have done too good a job.”

I swung around to look at myself in the mirror. I nearly fainted. I look so amazingly beautiful that I stared transfixed at my reflection. I was expecting something odd looking and instead looked like a girl as pretty as any of my new friends. I started getting turned on by my image, which made me both aroused and scared. I loved how I looked, but I was afraid because it was really me. My mother put her arm around my shoulder and said, “I think I took you somewhere neither of us expected this to go. Are you okay?”

“I am not sure. I never wanted to look like a girl or least I didn’t think I did, but this is mind blowing.”

“You have that right. I had been against this extreme gender-bending thing you had gotten yourself into, but now I am not sure what to think. I like how you look, but I know that I shouldn’t. I should never have taken you this far.”

“It’s okay mom. I’m still your boy. This is just for fun and between us. I like how I look and now I understand how easily one can change their looks.”

“Alex can I ask you to do something for me.”

“Of course mom, what?”

“I would like to take a picture in case I don’t get another opportunity.”

“That’s fine.”

“I’d like you to put on the tights, and the long sweater I bought for you. Slip on the Mary Jane shoes.”

When I returned she looked at me and said “You look fabulous!”

I walked over to her and she replaced my earrings with dangly ones. I could feel them swing as I walked.

“You look perfect.”

She snapped off about 30 or more photos before she put the camera down.

I really would love to show you off to my sister, but think I’ve done enough to you already. You really do not look like an Alex right now, more like an Alexia or an Alexandra.”

“Some of the girls call me Lexi on occasion.”

“Lexi, that sounds very cute and appropriate for the moment.”

“If you want you can call me that tonight.”

“Lexi, are you sure you’re alright with all of this? I’m certainly having a little trouble with all of this. You look adorable and I really shouldn’t be happy about that, but I am.”

“Right now I am good. It’s kind of neat to know that I make a knockout chick and I saw how you looked at me. I am happy that brought you some joy.”

“I got a little carried away. I really wanted to show you how to put on the makeup, but I enjoyed doing it myself. I want you to spend some time the next few nights practicing a little of we have done here tonight. I will spend a few minutes with you each time to help you.”

“Okay mom, next time I’ll try doing some of this myself.”

I hung out with her until bed looking and acting like her daughter. It was a nice time and something new to both of us. She kept giving me pointers and correcting my unconscious male mannerisms. After a while, I started getting the hang of it. Later she showed me how to remove the makeup. She also had me apply some fresh moisturizer.

“Makeup can be harsh. You need to take care of your skin.”

I slept as I had all week in my new pajamas. My dreams were more vivid this night and in all of them I remember being a young lady. It was somewhat disconcerting. I know I liked how I felt and it made my mother happy, but I didn’t really think I wanted to be a girl. Maybe for some future dress-up fun, but not for real.

Saturday morning I dressed as normally as possible, nothing girly other than some of the underwear I had gotten for my birthday. I think subconsciously I did not want my mother to think she screwed me up.

She made me a nice breakfast and treated me like the last evening had never happened. Things were basically back to normal, for at least now. After breakfast I walked into town to spend some time at the library doing schoolwork. I ran into Lauren and Jessica and we shared some chitchat. I almost let on about the previous evening but caught myself. They asked me if I was going to the school dance in two weeks. I said I didn’t know yet.

The school dance they were referring to was the annual turnabout Halloween dance. The girls asked the boys and it was a school themed costume party. You could go to the dance alone, but you always hoped that a girl would ask you first. I did not know if I was going, because I had not been asked yet. I was praying Roxanne would invite me, but based upon our recent conversations I was not holding my breath.

It was nice seeing them at the library and sharing some conversation. I wanted to ask them whom they were going with, but thought better of it in case either might want to ask me. When I got home I felt good that I got most of my work done and had some social time. I just had some math left. It was my least favorite subject.

Roxanne sent me a text message after I got home. She wanted to know if I wanted to come over Sunday afternoon around four to study together. I sent back a quick response and told her I would love to. “Is it just us or are others coming?”

“Just us, is that okay?”

“Definitely, just asking, I will see you then, Lex.”

I was thrilled that she wanted to see just me. Maybe she was going to ask me to the dance after all. I did most of my math Sunday morning so I wouldn’t have to do that much when I went over to her house.

I was torn about what to wear. Should I wear more masculine stuff or more of the clothes the girls had given me. I remembered how I felt Friday night when my mother completely did me up in girls clothes and makeup and was now a little nervous about dressing too close to the androgynous edge.

I finally decided I would dress like I thought Roxanne would want me to do. She had obviously helped the other girls pick out things for me, so I figured for just her I would wear as much of the new things as possible. I wore the capris, a red T-shirt with oval neckline, the bracelet, the new underwear, and my new pair of Dansko shoes. I even put on one of the new belts that my mother had picked out. It was a thin black leather belt with a lot of decorative detail work.

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I got some of the same strange fascination I had felt Friday. I was dressed a little less girl like than that evening, but only a little less. When I saw how the complete package looked I decided I was going to change out of the capris. Before I had a chance, my mother yelled for me. She needed to go and was going to give me a ride. I went down the stairs and asked her for a couple more minutes. She looked at me and said, “Let’s go Lexi, you’re just going to Roxanne’s.”

I jumped in the car and she drove me the seven blocks to her house. I jumped out with my messenger bag full of books. I knocked on her door. It took a minute or so before her mom greeted me at the door. She looked closely at me and said, “You must be Alex.”

“Yes Mrs. Nash, I am here to study with Roxanne.”

She is upstairs in her room, but I am not sure she wants company right now. She is alone in her room and very upset.”

“What’s wrong?”

“A friend thing.”

“Can I go up and see her?”

“It’s all right with me, but she might not want you to stay.”

I went up to her room and found her looking like she had just been crying. When she saw me, she came over to me and hugged me and started crying again. I held her for a couple of minutes as she continued to cry. I just kept saying everything is going to be fine.

When she finally calmed down enough to talk, I asked her what was wrong. The answer I got back was not one I really wanted to hear. She had called Josh Michaels and asked him to the dance. He told her that he was already going. As it turned out, Josh was the boy that Roxanne had gone out with a few times lately.

“His ex-girlfriend Claire had asked him and he accepted. I was sure we were going to go together. Claire used to be a friend, but I’m not talking to that Bitch anymore.”

“He’s not worth it. There a lot of other fish in the sea.”

“I know you’re right, but right now I have a hard time thinking about anybody but Josh.”

“I understand how you feel, but don’t let him ruin your day. Why don’t you get your mind off him by doing some homework? Let’s not talk about boys.”

“Good idea, no boy talk, unless you want to talk about them.”

“Very funny.”
We worked on school things for about an hour before we took a break. She got us a couple of diet Cokes and we started shooting the breeze. She asked me if anyone had asked me to the dance yet.

“Do you know anyone who’s planning on doing so?”

“A couple of my friends said they might, but I’m not sure about anyone definite. If no one does, we can hang out together, because I’m not going now.”

“Come on Roxy. You are one of the most popular girls in school. You have to go, any guy would be crazy not to go with you.”

“I know it’s a fun night, but I’m not asking someone just to ask someone.”

“Well if you feel that way then we can just hang out that Saturday.”

“You know Lex maybe we should go together. You’re one of my best friends and fun to be around. We could hang out together like we planned, but at the dance.”

“Roxanne, I really like you, but are you asking me because you want to or is it because you don’t want to ask anyone else?”

“ Lex, I like being around you. It’ll be fun and a lot of your new girlfriends will be there. We will get to do some dancing.”

“I would love to go dancing with you, but what about costumes. Most people are doing something schools themed; zombie teachers, sports stars, bloodthirsty janitors. It doesn’t have to be school themed but it is the school dance and I think it’s more fun that way.”

I suggested going as a blood-soaked doubles tennis team. She had equally bad ideas when she looked at me.

“I’ve got it! It’ll be hilarious.”

“What, what!”

“I’m going as a school quarterback complete with shoulder pads and uniform. You are going to be my cheerleader girlfriend.”

Yeah right! I’m not going to school as a cheerleader, I’ll be laughed out of school.”

“Just wait here for a second.”

She ran into her sister’s room and came back with a very vampy black wig with a mass of curls. It was obviously fake looking. She came in and slipped it on my head without even asking. It was so campy, it was kind of funny. It certainly did not look real.

“You can wear my uniform and it’ll be a gas. With us dressed that way we will be a perfect couple and it’ll be a riot. You can come over here and we will get ready together.”

“Roxy, I’m still not sure about going in a skirt.”

“If you are not comfortable we won’t stay long. Besides no one will possibly recognize you in that outfit and the silly wig”

“You’re probably right about that.”

“Will you do it? The dance and costume or do you just want to stay home?”

“Against my better judgment I’ll do it.”

She really perked up after that. It was as if she cheered up all at once.

“Lex, I never said anything, when you came in, because I was so upset, but I really love your new look. It’s a shame the rest of the girls are not here. Is that a new belt? I don’t remember that.”

“My mom and I got it last weekend. Do you like it?”

“It’s great with what you are wearing. You really are coming out of your shell and getting more daring. You should wear that to school tomorrow so Jessica and the girls can see how perfect you look.”

“No way. I wore these just for you. I’m not ready to be laughed at by anyone.”

“You really do look cute.”

When I got home my mother asked me how my evening went and if Roxanne asked me to the dance. I explained the turn of events and my commitment for the dance.

“You told her you would dress as a cheerleader for the dance. Two nights ago, you dressed up as a girl for the very first time and now you are going to become a cheerleader. What have I created?”

“You’re not serious mom. This is for fun and I’m going to look like a silly cheerleader with her silly looking quarterback boyfriend.”

“It’s just…. Never mind. Did you know I was a cheerleader in high school?”

“No.”

“Like mother, like son.”

“I’m going to get ready at Roxanne’s, can you pick us up after the dance?”

“Sure, that way the quarterback can’t take advantage of you.”

“Very funny.”

When I got to school the girls all knew I was going with Roxanne to the dance. I even told some of my male buddies. I left out the part about being a cheerleader. I told them my costume was going to be a surprise.

It was still over a week away but I started thinking about the dance. The more I thought about my costume, the more I kept thinking about how I looked this past Friday with a little makeup on. I was concerned that dressing like a cheerleader might not look that outrageous with very little effort.

I reverted to more traditional fashion choices at school, as I did not want to take any chances sending mixed signals prior to dressing as a cheerleader. The week went quickly and my Friday Lulu appointment was upon me. My hair had grown nicely since my last cut. My last cut was the one that seemed to have changed my look so dramatically and led to all the attention from Roxanne and her friends. With the added length, the style looked much less dramatic than when it was fresh. The shape was getting a little more unwieldy with its newfound fullness.

I stepped into Lulu’s styling station at 4:30 PM and she gave me a long look over. She asked me how I had been and how I liked the last style. I gave her a quick summary of the wave of events I had experienced, including the new friends and even the silly birthday party. She listened attentively, as she washed my hair. She asked me if I still wanted a dramatic look. I told her she had not steered me wrong so far.

“Well your hair is getting longer and soon we will have many more options. At your next cut I think I can do some things that will allow you to change your look as your mood changes. It will have daily styling options. To get your hair to that point I am not going to cut your hair into any real special look this week. All I am going to do is balance off the sides a bit and trim the very tips of your hair. I really don’t want to lose any length. For a somewhat more dramatic look you can brush the hair across your forehead and face and it still will be longer in the front. Compared to your next styling, this might seem pretty basic.”

“That’s fine, my life has had a lot of drama these past three weeks and will have enough drama this coming week. A couple of weeks of relative normal times will be welcome.”

“That’s good then. What’s coming up that so dramatic that you’re worried about?”

“It’s a little dumb, but I’m going to the school Halloween costume dance next week dressed as a cheerleader. Roxanne has a very campy wig and she got me to where her uniform to the dance with her. She is going to be a football player.”

“You’re going to be a cheerleader. That is so wonderful. When is the dance?“

“Next Saturday at 7:30.”

“I could cut your hair differently if you don’t want to wear a wig.”

“No, no, I’m fine with the wig. It will help camouflage me. The wig is long and very cheap looking with big curls. I’ll be fine with that. I want you to keep your styling plans just as they were.”

“I would really love to help and besides I would love to see you in your costume.”

“I’m getting ready at Roxanne’s and I don’t think I’ll need much help.”

“How about you come by the shop before you go. I can paint your nails the school colors and maybe touch up your look. You know how I am with style.”

“That I know. Our school colors are gold maroon and white. I guess the nail thing could be kind of funky.”

Why don’t you come by and about 6:30. I usually close by six on Saturdays, and will stick around for you. It will be my treat. I will drive you to love birds to the dance when I am done.”

“Well if that’s okay with Roxanne, then fine.”

“Why don’t you get dressed here, then you don’t have to get half ready at Roxanne’s.”

“Good idea, but I have to check with Roxanne.”

“Since you’re getting ready here, try to get here by 6:15 at the latest. I will make sure the place is cleared out so you won’t be nervous.”

She proceeded to snip away at my hair with new enthusiasm. The new style actually looked longer than when I came in. My hair was now mostly even, but it still was slightly longer and hanging down in the front area. I had to brush it aside a couple of times before I even paid her. She told me if that became troublesome that it was long enough to push back behind my ears or I could wear a barrette. I frowned at the last suggestion, but she said they are not all that noticeable.

She mentioned that she was so glad that my mother and I decided to have her start cutting my hair. She said she would tell my mother tomorrow at her appointment how much she enjoyed styling my hair.

I called Roxanne as I left to ask her about Lulu’s idea. She thought it was great. “If either of us had any doubt, it should be gone now, you are going to have a great costume.”

I didn’t mention anything to my mother, but Lulu told her the next morning.

“Lulu tells me she is going to help you get ready for the party. We talked about it quite a bit.”

“I assume going to Lulu’s to get ready is all right?”

“Yes, dear. We agreed she could help you get the right look.”

“She’s going to paint my nails.”

“Yes that will help us with your cheerleader image.”

The rest of the weekend went on uneventful other than my mother taking measurements of me all over my body. I inquired what she was doing and she said she wanted to see what sizes I might need for some of my new winter things. She had said little about my new hairstyle other than it looked attractive. Later Saturday I found some hair clips, a new brush, and a set of three sizes of Barrettes on my dresser.

I asked her about those and she told me they were Lulu’s suggestion. “She wants you to brush your hair for 10 minutes every night before bed.”

It had been quite a weekend. I spent a little time with Chris and Sam studying, but the weekend was basically uneventful. There was no repeat of the girl time with mom other than my hair brushing. I was still wearing the new pajamas and they had become second nature.

In passing conversation on Monday I mentioned how much I enjoyed sleeping in the satin Pajamas. I told my mom how comfortable they were even though I would not want anyone to see me in them. I even said that on those few nights that they were in the laundry I missed their feel.

On Wednesday I received a most unexpected surprise. When I got home from school I found a bag from Nordstrom’s on my bed. Inside the bag were another set of pajamas and a full-length sleeping gown. The pajamas were red and the gown was black. They were both made of similar satin materials to my pajamas, but both were decidedly more feminine. The gown was completely feminine with a lacy shoulder line.

I ran into my mother’s room with the items, “What’s up?”

“Honey you mention how much you loved your new pajamas so I got you a couple more. Nordstrom sells the very nicest sleepwear and you’ll love the feel.”

“But one is a gown!”

“That’s true, but no one sees you sleep. Since you love the satin feel in the PJs you have to try sleeping in a gown. It is a scrumptious change of pace. Before you say anything just try it and keep an open mind.”

“I don’t understand, because you are sending me so many mixed signals. You were against my bold fashion statement, and then against the earring, then the new clothing my friends gave me. Now you teach me how to walk, and talk more like a girl. You teach me about makeup and now you are dressing me up even more femininely than my friends. I am really confused.”

“Alex, I am little confused myself. I was dead set against your extreme makeover. Then I saw how happy you became with your new friends. When I saw you last Friday looking like me 20 years ago I nearly passed out. I realized I needed you to find what makes you happy.”

“That doesn’t explain the gown. I said I like my satin pajamas, but I didn’t ask for such sexy sleepwear.”

“This Saturday you are going out in public as a girl. I just thought you needed to feel a little more comfortable in the role. I am going to help you get into the right state of mind.”

“It’s only a costume party.”

“If you say so. Let me know if you feel that way Sunday.”

“So now what?”

“Well we have three nights until the party. I thought I would call you Lexi and you could dress in your nice new things to get comfortable.”

“I guess I could do that.”

Over the next three nights she critiqued all of my movements and my speech. She didn’t put any makeup on me, but she treated me like a daughter. When Saturday rolled around I found it almost too easy to switch into the female role. I was comfortable playing the daughter, so dressing for the dance should be a piece of cake. It was all for fun and with the crazy wig no one would recognize me.

A CHANGE OF STYLE PART 3

by NINA ADAMS

In the 3rd of four parts, Alex goes to the High School costume dance with Roxanne. Roxanne convinces him to go as a cheerleader and Alex’s evening does not go as he planned.

The journey takes him places few boys have the opportunity to experience. His gradual acceptance of his changes helps enrich his life, but forces him to make some complex choices.

The Halloween Costume Party

Roxanne’s mother picked me up at home at 6 PM and dropped us off at Lulu’s. Before I left my mother pulled me aside and told me to have fun and just relax. She said she had spoken with Lulu and coordinated getting me ready. I didn’t know what needed coordinating, but nodded affirmatively. Her last pronouncement was to listen to Lulu and do whatever she told me. If you listen to her you will have a much better experience at the party.

I arrived at the salon and she unlocked the door and ushered us in. She smiled at me and said, “we have a lot to do, but first you need to get dressed.”

“I have my bag with the costume.”

“That’s good, but we have a couple of extra things for you.”

“What things?”

“Your mom picked up a brassiere for you and she got you some authentic shoes like the real cheerleaders wear. Those running shoes would not look right.”

“What do I need a bra for? I don’t have breasts!”

“Tonight you do.”

She took out two bouncy breast forms and handed them to me. They had a lot of weight to them and looked so real.

“I do a lot of makeovers for young models so I always need to have some of these around. They will look great in your new bra from Victoria Secrets.”

I remembered what my mom said about listening and took them. She also gave me the butt and hip pads my mother had bought on our shopping spree. I took everything and went into the back and changed, when I emerged, Roxanne looked at me and smiled. She came over and gave me a kiss on the lips, which made me feel much better. It was the first time I had experienced having breasts, and it took me a while to adjust to the sensation. With the breasts and my padding down below, my body took on some real curves.

“Now sit down while I do your nails. We can let them dry while I fix your face.”

“Face?”

“Just some makeup to go with the occasion.”

She did a very quick manicure on my nails. She rounded off the tips and then spread polish on them. First, went a deep maroon base, followed by white tips.

“What about the gold which is the other school color?”

“They are much prettier this way. The gold will look garish.”

She went to work on my face. It was much like my mother’s handiwork, but she went a little heavier on the eye shadow.

“I was going to give you false eyelashes, but your eyes don’t need them. A couple of coats of mascara and you will have eyes to die for.”

“I thought this whole thing was supposed to give me a vamp look.”

“Trust me you will be happier this way, when we are done.”

She removed my studs and Roxanne handed her the silver hoops we bought the afternoon I got my ears pierced.

“Those look wonderful. I think we are ready for the wig.”

“It’s in a bag in my case.” I yelled to Roxanne who was just watching in fascination.

Lulu went into her office and returned with a long wig with layers of wavy brunette hair. She put all of my natural hair in a wig cap and slipped the replacement wig on my head. She adjusted it a little and gave it a couple of brushes.

“Now you look ready to dance.”

I got up and walked over to her mirrors. And nearly flipped when I saw myself. I looked every bit the cheerleader and every bit the woman. I started to get totally aroused by my own image. Lulu and Roxanne could tell I was in an emotional overload. Roxanne giggled and said “Good thing I made you wear your thong tonight. I hope you tucked your thing underneath before you put it on.”

I was near tears. I never planned to go to the party of looking and feeling like this. I was way too authentic. This did not look like a costume. Roxanne’s outfit was funny and appropriate, and I just look like I got back from cheerleading practice.

“I can’t go like this Roxanne.”

“Of course you can. You look great. We need to get going. Put your brush and wallet in your purse.”

“People will laugh!”

“Highly unlikely, you will get a lot of attention, but not laughter.”

“I’ll never be able to face them looking this real.”

“Look at yourself. No one will recognize you. Think about it.”

She was right. The wig, while not vampy, made me look so much different than my normal self. I was quickly ushered out the door in two minutes later we were at the dance.

“Have a good time girls.”

As we entered we had to give them tickets and show some school IDs.

One of Roxy’s friends, Jana, signed us in. After we entered, I said, “Now what? I know people are going to figure out it’s me.”

“I suggest you go with it. No one can tell it’s you or can tell you are anything but a beautiful babe. Just pretend you really are a girl and no one will be the wiser. If you act like a girl the evening will go much smoother and I’m sure you will have more fun. Remember how much you love the theater, just get in the role.”

She was right. I had practiced during the week, so playing the part was my best shot.

I hung with Roxanne for a while, before two guys shuttled us both out to the dance floor. I was ready to freak out, but I just went with the music and tried not to focus on my new male dance partner. Roxanne kept grinning at me while we were dancing. I think she was actually enjoying my un-easiness. We ended up being on the dance floor for over 15 minutes, before we got a break. It was pretty wild out there and everyone was dancing with everyone. I even found myself dancing with Roxanne for a brief time. I was grateful there was almost no way to talk out there.

We slipped off the dance floor and got some punch.

“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“I guess not, but it doesn’t seem right.”

“Give me a break, you look like a natural out there. You’ve slipped right into the role.”

“Here come some more cute guys. I think it’s time to dance again.”

It was hard to make any small talk with the loud music. One of the guys, I vaguely knew from a class last year, asked me to dance. He also asked for my name. I was panicked and did not know how to answer. Fortunately, Roxanne cut in and said, “It is a costume party, so it is a secret.” I shook my head in agreement.

We shuffled off to the dance floor for a couple of songs. My partner tried to put his arm around me when we headed out to the dance floor, but I slid away to avoid it.

I was getting confident that my costume was convincing. I could feel people looking at me, but not because I was a guy in a skirt. Guys were looking at me like I was a trophy and some of the girls were looking at me trying to figure out who I was. I figured if I stayed in my role, I could survive the evening and even have a couple of laughs along the way.

I retreated back to the punch bowl area only to find Roxanne out on the dance floor with Josh. I knew she still wanted to be with him and that coming tonight was partially to see him. My only real concern was that she was my safe zone and now I was alone.

My time alone did not last long. I felt a tapping on my shoulder and turned around. A wave of panic shot down my spine. In front of me was my chemistry lab partner, Paul Towner. Paul was not part of my inner circle, but he was someone I knew pretty well from class. He was not a star, but he played on the school’s basketball team. We worked as a team in class, so I was scared he might be able to see through my makeup and costume. I. He was actually a nice jock and I had enjoyed having him as a lab partner. Now I was destined to have him as a dance partner.

Paul introduced himself and of course asked for my name. I told him for the evening it was a secret. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I know you, but I just can’t remember your name. You do look lovely tonight. If you are not a real cheerleader you absolutely should be.”

His complements made me blush a little. I instinctively smiled at him and he smiled back. He held his two hands out and said, “Shall we dance?”

I grabbed his hands and he pulled me gently out to the dance floor. It was the first time I had held a guy’s hand for more than a second and his grip felt good. We danced to one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs, which helped me relax. Dancing with Paul somehow seemed different than dancing with the others earlier.

After two popular dance songs the music turned slower. This was the first song of the night where the couples danced holding each other. I was ready to leave the dance floor when Paul said he would really love to share this dance with me. I had enjoyed the last couple of songs with him, which I am sure he could tell.

“I’m not really a good slow dancer.”

“Me either, but I think we can figure it out.”

He held his arms out to me and I entered a weak embrace. At first, I tried to keep a couple of inches between us, but when he put his arm around me I was softly and slowly drawn in. I put my left arm around him and held tight with my right hand. He was about 4 inches taller than me, so my head was close to his shoulder line.

Holding him in an embrace made me feel so much different than before. I had become comfortable in my appearance, but now I found myself responding very much like a girl. It started to feel very nice and I was not sure what to think of it. About halfway through the song I could feel Paul was getting sexually turned on. A few seconds later, I started to feel the same way. I was so grateful that I had tucked myself under and had worn the thong. We looked at each other as only a boy and a girl would. He pulled me in a little closer.

When the song ended, I told him I needed a drink. We made our way over to the refreshment area. Almost unconsciously, I found that I was still holding one of his hands. I let go to fill up a punch class. He gently put his hands on the outside part of my shoulders and thanked me for the dances. I told him politely, “that it was my pleasure.” If he was not such a nice guy, I think he might have tried to kiss me right then and there. I was happy and maybe just a little sad, that he had not.

“You just have to tell me your name. I really like you and I think you like me.”

“It was very nice dancing with you, but don’t let it go to your head.”

“Please?”

“For now it is a secret, but you never know.”

I saw Roxanne a few feet away, she was scoping out Paul and me. I told Paul I wanted to speak with a friend and would be back in a few minutes. I motioned for Roxanne to go into the hall and she followed me out.

“I see you are back with Josh.”

“Never mind that, it looks like you have found someone.”

“We just danced.”

“That was more than just dancing. You like him. I can tell he likes you too.”

“This is only a party costume. It was only dancing.”

“Keep telling yourself that and maybe you will believe it. Tonight you are not Alex, it is Lexi’s evening.”

“But I am a boy and so is he!”

“It’s all very innocent and besides he is very attractive.”

“That’s irrelevant, he thinks I am a girl.”

“Right at this moment you are. It’s not like you are going to run out and screw around with him in his car, not tonight anyway.”

“Roxy, what do I do?”

“Just enjoy the experience and go from there. I have to get back to Josh before that bimbo tries to get him back. Good luck.”

I was alone again with a head full of mixed feelings and emotions. I decided that for tonight I was Lexi. I figured, no one would be the wiser and tomorrow I can go back to being Alex. I worked my way back into the gym and spotted Paul. He was chatting with a couple of girls; one of them was Roxanne’s friend, Melissa. When he saw me approaching he said a couple of quick words to the girls and walked over to cut the distance between us. I cocked my head slightly to the side and he looked like he was truly excited by my return.

“I’m ready to dance some more, Paul. Are you up for it.”

“Very funny, you are mine the rest of the evening.”

We danced a few more songs, and shared a few laughs. I was having an emotional experience that I never thought possible. I was reveling in our spirited flirtations and was being charmed by his attention. I started the evening trying to act the part and now the part was becoming me. Dressed and feeling as I did, I wanted him to hold me and maybe a little bit more. I knew I had to resist that urge, because if nothing else it would not be fair to Paul.

The party was nearing its 10 PM conclusion and I was starting to map out my exit plan. My evening with Paul had to be a one-night affair, even if I wanted it to continue. I was in costume and there was no way around that. Paul made one last attempt to get my name.

“Paul, I had a lot of fun tonight and I do not want to ruin it. I promised some friends my costume tonight would be a secret. Why don’t you give me your number and if the time is right, I will call you. You have to trust me.”

“I trust you, but I want to know more about you. My number is 555—555—3825. Promise to call.”

I did not immediately answer and he looked at me again and said, “promise!”

“Okay, I’ll call, but when I’m ready.”

Paul was going to kiss me, but much like Roxanne did with me, I turn my head. I so wanted to feel what the kiss would have felt like, but under the circumstances it would have been even more deceiving. He looked confused by my action, which was understandable.

I was looking around the room for Roxanne, so we could leave. I had told my mother to pick us up at 10 PM unless I called earlier. Just as I found Roxanne the class president started talking on the main microphone on the stage. He thanked everyone for coming and then thanked all of the sponsors, teachers and students involved in the dance. He then announced some prizewinners. They gave out a prize to the best dancing couple, the scariest costume, most creative, and then the best overall costume.

“The best overall costume goes to Alex Adams!”

I stood frozen in my steps. I figured if I didn’t move, no one would look at me.

“Come on up Alex.”

Our class president started to look over towards me and pointed in my direction. After a few seconds everyone was looking at me and applauding. I received a bunch of whistles and catcalls. I wanted to run from the gym as fast as I could. Instead I was ushered up onto the stage to get a ribbon. I played along with an exaggerated curtsy and a mock cheerleader cheer. I then jumped off the stage to exit.

On the way to the door I saw Paul leaning up against the wall standing quietly alone. Our eyes met, but he made no attempt to speak with me. I mouthed, “I’m sorry,” and walked out to the hall. Everyone was looking at me and commenting as I walked by. I just kept walking and met Roxanne out in front of the school. My mom’s car was there and I quickly hopped inside.

My mom looked at me and wanted to say something, but she could see I was upset and in a state of shock. I could not even speak. I think I wanted to cry, but I was too stunned to do so. Roxanne began to fill my mother in on some of the more relevant details. My mother was concerned about my mental state, but also quite intrigued by my elaborate makeover. “So in the end everyone knew it was you, but I bet up until then no one guessed. Lulu did such a wonderful job getting you ready. You look gorgeous.”

“Mom that was part of the problem. I was too authentic. I blended in and everyone treated me like a girl. I even responded like one.”

“Mrs. Adams, there was even one boy that Lexi spent a lot of time with. It didn’t end well after he found out her secret.”

“Lexi, you made a friend?”

“He was just being friendly and I ruined everything. He is my lab partner in chemistry. I will never be able to go to school again!”

“Honey you are over reacting. You won the best costume. That is an honor.”

“I’ll never be able to show my face again to my friends and classmates.”

“Roxanne we are almost at your house. Did you have a good time?”

“Yes Mrs. Adams, and I think Lexi did too, until her secret got out.”

“Thank you for helping Lexi and taking her to the dance. I am sure she will feel much better about it later.”

“Goodnight Mrs. Adams.”

“Goodnight Roxanne.”

“Mother, when Roxanne was in the car you both just kept referring to me as her or Lexi. The party is over.”

“You’re right Honey, but seeing you like you are right now it is hard to think of you as an Alex. Forgive me, you are just so pretty.”

“I’m never going to live this down. Paul is going to hate me.”

“This Paul, is he the boy you met?”

“Yes, I already knew him a little as Alex, but we danced together at the party. He just treated me nice and I deceived him.”

“Was there anything more between you and him or was he someone you just danced with?”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you know what I mean.”

“It’s all very hard for me to understand. I liked being with him and he liked being with me. When he held me it was strange, but also very nice.”

“Held you?”

“We danced together and a couple of the tunes were slow numbers.”

“I see. I am sure you can make up with him.”

“I’ll never be able to face him. He thought I was a girl.”

“You will feel better in the morning. We can sort out all of this then.”

With that we pulled into the garage and I ran up into my room. I removed my wig, makeup and the rest of my cheerleading outfit. Without thinking, I slipped into a pair of my satin pajamas and went to bed. Maybe it was all of the stress, but I fell asleep quickly.

I slept in very late. I think it was my subconscious desire to be by myself. When I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was the long wig lying on my dresser. My mind was quickly filled with a flood of emotions. I laid in bed thinking about the evening. I remembered how much fun I had until my life was ruined at the end. I was wondering what people were saying or thinking about me. I was both scared and curious. I decided to check out the walls in Facebook.

I grabbed my MacBook, and brought it into my bed. My first stop was my home page. It was still early, but I had a lot of activity. Roxanne had posted a nice message about how wonderful I looked and how winning the award was a great achievement. It wasn’t real personal, but I think it was for others to see.

A lot of my new girlfriends, posted similar messages, but some of them were more descriptive. Jessica called me, “the belle of the ball” and Lauren said, “she is going to have to keep me away from her boyfriend.” My friend Rob asked, why I had not changed my profile picture to update my newest look. Sam asked, if I had met anyone special and gotten lucky. In order to post a comment on my home page, they had to be a friend first, so there weren’t any real negative posts.

My friend Chris sent me a private message. He wanted to know if I felt better being out of the closet. He was not trying to be mean, but he was curious. Initially when I started changing my style, he had begun acting a little strange around me. Now he was assuming I was gay.

I had never considered myself gay. When dressed as Alex I was always attracted to girls. I never had any really passionate or intense relationships with them, but I always liked being with them. Last night, when dressed as Lexi, I had my first set of feelings for a guy. Since I was feeling like a girl, I never really thought about it as gay. In the girl’s role my feelings were sort of heterosexual. My mind was spinning from the thoughts flowing through it. I even wondered if Chris had any hidden agenda for his question, particularly since it was a private message.

I don’t think that anybody expected me to show up at school looking like I did Saturday night, but I was sure that the perception of my androgynous appearance would never be looked at quite the same. I was not sure what I wanted to do about that. My other big concern was Paul. I had led him to believe I was something I was not. My feelings were authentic, but it was not fair for him to find out like that. I was worried that he was hurt by my actions. I was also worried that anyone who saw us together might give him a hard time.

I wanted to talk with him even if I didn’t know what to say. I would be seeing him during second period on Monday, assuming I went to school. I really did not want that to be our first words following the events of the dance.

My mother heard me stirring in my room and knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

“Good morning Sleepyhead. How are you feeling this morning.”

“A little better, but still confused and I don’t know what to do.”

“I think that is all understandable. A lot happened last night.”

“It is going to be so difficult facing people. I pretended I was a real girl!”

“Let’s try and figure this all out.”

“Right now, I do not see how that is possible.”

“Try and be positive. Let me ask you a few questions.”

“Shoot.”

“Probably the most important question is something you need to answer very honestly. Before your camouflage was removed, how did you feel dressed convincingly as Lexi?”

“That’s part of the problem. At first I was just happy how I looked, but mostly scared. The longer I was in the role the more comfortable I became. It did not take that long before I didn’t think I was acting anymore. I like being Alex, but I also enjoyed being Lexi.”

“And this boy you met, how did he make you feel?”

“That was probably the strangest part. When I was with him I felt even more like a girl. I had never thought of myself as gay, but last night I was in his spell.”

“Alex have you ever felt like that about a boy before, even a little?”

“I don’t think so. Maybe I have looked at the kids at school and wished I knew them better. Until now, I just thought I was a little jealous of their popularity or good looks. But I do like girls. I love being with Roxanne and her friends.”

“If your classmates weren’t a problem would you want to continue with your androgynous ways?”

“I like my new style and the attention it was getting. Now I am not so sure.”

“If you knew no one would make fun of you, would you like to be Lexi again?”

“I don’t think that is possible, but I think I might. Please don’t tell any of my friends I said that.”

“Honey, this is just between us. I want to know what you want, before we can best figure out what to do.”

“It’s just all so new to me.”

“I think I have a pretty good handle on your dilemma. Everything will eventually work out. You just need to stay calm and be yourself.”

“That sounds too simple. What do I do now?”

“If you act embarrassed or try to hide things people will pick up on that. If you put your chips on the table and are open with people they will be more accepting.”

“What if people laugh at me or call me names? Then what?”

“Those are just words. Unless it is more than that, just ignore those people. I am sure they are not your friends anyway.”

“What about my new hairstyle and clothes. I think I should tone it down.”

“Is that a question? I really think you should not change anything, because of last night. Just be you and figure out what makes you happy.”

“Maybe I should call Paul and apologize.”

“That might be a good idea. You might also call Roxanne and let her know you are okay.”

“I will mom. I still am a little uneasy, but I feel less stressed.”

“Why don’t you get dressed and we can have some brunch.”

My mother took Roxanne’s cheerleader outfit off my chair and also took the wig. She said she would get the cheerleader outfit cleaned and return it to Roxanne. She didn’t say anything about the wig.

I slipped out of my pajamas and put on some jeans and a T-shirt. I just wanted to be casual and comfortable, but not fashion forward this morning.

After eating I decided to call Roxanne first. At least with her I knew she would not be upset with me. I also thought she might have her fingers on the pulse of what others thought of my deception. Her enthusiasm came through the phone instantaneously. She sounded like nothing was wrong and everything went perfectly. She also seemed to think it was natural that I behaved like a girl in almost every way.

“You were a star. The padding made everything look so magnificent on you. I bet I have some other things you would look phenomenal in.”

“Thanks, remember that was a costume party. Even if I wanted to do it again, you know I can’t.”

“I don’t see why not. It would be a waste with your potential, if you didn’t show it off a little.”

“We’ll see, right now I just want to get through Monday.”

“What’s Monday?”

“School! Everyone is going to have a lot of fun at my expense.”

“You might get a few funny comments, but I bet you get more compliments. If you had looked like a hideous vamp, then maybe, but you looked too good for people to say anything really hurtful.”

“Do you think everyone at school knows about my costume?”

“If they don’t, they soon will. The school paper took enough photos. I am sure you will be featured in at least one.”

“That’s all I need. So are you and Josh back together?”

“Yes. He and Claire had broken up again even before the dance. He apologized, and we are back together for now.”

“That’s good.”

“So what are you going to do about Paul?”

“Not much I can do, but I think I have to call him and apologize.”

“He seemed pretty smitten with you.”

“I have to admit you are right. I’m sure he is angry. I hope he takes my call.”

“I am sure he would take Lexi’s call.”

“Funny, very funny.”

“Who knows maybe he won’t be upset.”

“I’ll find out soon enough.”

“Good luck, you two make a cute couple.”

“Thanks.”

“Give me a call and let me know how it went.”

I took my time getting up the courage to call Paul. I liked him and didn’t want him to hate me. I felt something special between us, if only for a brief time. I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I had to take whatever he wanted to dish.

I dialed up the cell number he gave me. It rang three times before going to voicemail. His phone was obviously on, but he didn’t take my call. I left him a message. “Hi, I don’t know exactly what to say, but I know it includes I’m sorry. I didn’t expect last night to go like that and I feel terrible. I really enjoyed being with you and hope you can eventually forgive me. I want to be your friend. My cell is 555-555-5683.”

The rest of the day I kept my phone close in hopes that he would call. I never left the house all day long. It was one of the longest days of my life. I kept checking my phone, in hopes that he would call. I received a few other phone calls during the day including a couple from my guy friends and one from Jessica. The calls from my friends were a little juvenile, but in a friendly way. They joked with me about my improved looks and had a few good-natured laughs at my expense. They admitted I had a lot of guts showing up like that, but were impressed how well I carried it off.

Jessica just wanted to know how I was doing and if Lexi had enjoyed her evening. She also wanted to know if Lexi wanted to come over one night during the week and hang out. I asked her if she meant Lex or if she really meant for me to come over as Lexi. She said she liked Lex, but it would be a whole lot more fun if Lexi came over. I thanked her for the offer, but told her I was not ready to push things that far. She sounded disappointed, but said the offer was open. Before she hung up, she said that a few of her friends were coming over next Saturday for another get-together and it would be nice if I came over. She told me too come dressed as however I wanted to.

It was after 9 PM and I was getting myself ready for school the next day, when I saw Paul's number flash on my cell phone. I answered as fast as I could with a very feeble, “Hi.”

"I got your message. What do you want me to say?"

"I don't expect you to say anything. I just wanted to call and tell you how bad I felt. I never meant to hurt you and it was never my plan to take it as far as it got. I had never done that before, and I'm sorry it just got out of hand."

"Are you telling me that's the first time you ever dressed like that? I find that very hard to believe."

"I only did that once before and I never left the house. It was sort of a dry run for the party."

"There’s no question you're very good at it and you succeeded in playing a good joke on me."

"I was not trying to play a joke on you or anyone. If anything, the joke was on me. I was hoping to slip out before anyone knew my true identity. The thing with you just happened. It was not planned and it just escalated."

"Well, I didn't know you were a guy, but you did. How come you let it get that far?

"Like I said, I didn't want anyone to know who I was. You asked me to dance and to be honest it started to be fun. When I was with you, I somehow didn't think of myself as a guy. I am not sure you can understand that, but like I said, I really feel bad."

"You certainly didn't seem like a guy, even when I think back about it."

"I hope I didn't cause you any trouble with any of your friends."

"A couple of my teammates had a good laugh at my expense, but that is no big deal. I can handle it."

"Are we going to be okay? You are my lab partner in chemistry. I liked you when I was Lexi, so I hope you're okay with Alex."

“You call yourself Lexi?"

"That was probably an over share, a couple of girls I know, gave me that name."

"Well Lexi fits better with what I saw last night, but in chemistry class I think I'll call you Alex. I hope that is okay with you."

"Of course, does that mean were okay?"

"Yeah, just be honest with me in the future."

"Like last night, I promise. Thanks for calling me back. Goodnight Paul."

"Goodnight Lexi, see you tomorrow."

I was so relieved that Paul and I were not mortal enemies. I had been on pins and needles all day in hopes that he would call. That was at least one thing I would not have to worry about. It was kind of late so I decided to update Roxanne on my Paul discussion, at school on Monday.

I decided to wear my new nightgown to bed. Mother had told me to be myself and I remembered how nice it felt the one night I wore it to bed. At least at home I was not going to give into my personal embarrassment.

For school I decided to continue being style conscious, but not try and make any bold statements. I wore one of my pastel T-shirts with the new Dansko clogs. Other than that, everything else on my body was very traditional, except maybe my rapidly growing hair.

It took no time for me to receive some razzing. On my locker was a picture of me in my cheerleader’s uniform. I was on the stage and in the middle of doing my mock cheer. The position was decidedly feminine. I had no idea who put it there, but was certain I would be seeing the picture again. I was so right. I found that same picture on my chair in homeroom and again on my locker in the afternoon.

The first time I saw the picture I quickly pulled it down and shoved it into one of my folders. Later after I had gotten a second one I looked at it a little closer. I actually had to admit it looked kind of cute. It was probably meant to be funny, but I actually liked the picture. When I saw the third one on my locker in the afternoon, I remembered what my mother told me, she said not to act like I was embarrassed. I decided to leave it up, besides whoever put it up, would probably just put up another one.

Throughout the day I received even more attention then the day I showed up with my new hairstyle. I was asked by a bunch of male classmates to do a cheer for them. There were jokes about makeup, my hair, and even my sexual orientation. It was nothing I couldn't take and I mostly smiled at the jokesters. I was grateful the day was over, but it was not unbearable.

When Roxanne saw me just before lunch, she gave me a big hug. It was the same kind of hug that she had given me before; when I thought she might have had a different kind of interest in me. I was now sure that she most likely never considered me that kind of boyfriend. I told her I had made up with Paul and she was thrilled. She said she wanted to hear more about Paul later.

I had seen Paul in chemistry class earlier that morning. Despite our conversation I was still nervous to see him and looked him in the eyes. After all, the last time I did, I was in his spell. Before entering the room I made sure my hair looked good. I guess I was still acting a little vain in Paul's presence. Paul was cordial, but his mood was decidedly different than at the dance. I could see him scan me up and down on a few occasions. It was as if he was trying to reconcile the two images of me in his mind. He did not act angry in any way, and in fact was very polite. I wouldn't say he treated me like a girl, but he seemed to treat me with a gentle touch. His mood was somber, but friendly.

I survived the day and my life was not over. I am sure the events of Saturday would never be completely behind me, but at least I wouldn't have to go into a witness protection plan.

My mother's advice had helped me cope with the comments. She was also not surprised that my day had gone reasonably well.

"Now that school is not a big issue, we need to deal with the other things we discussed Sunday."

"What things?"

"Like Lexi."

"I'm still not following you."

"You were pretty clear that you enjoyed being Lexi and that you desired to explore that side of you some more."

"I did like that feeling, but that was for a costume party."

"It wasn't a costume for you. You said you actually felt like a Lexi. Did I hear you wrong?"

"No, but I don't see how that is really an option."

"I just don't want to shut that window unless you decide that's what you want to do."

"I already have the androgynous thing going, what are you suggesting?"

"The androgynous thing is good, but I think you need to experience Lexi a little more when you are away from school. Maybe after a while you won't want to do that anymore, but I want you to figure that out on your own without pressure."

"You think I should do more of the cheerleader thing at home."

"Well the thing, but not as a cheerleader. Just be Lexi, my teenage daughter."

"Do you really think that is possible? I remember you didn't want me pushing this envelope. Pretending to be a girl, even at home, it's pretty out there."

"I have come around. You are a special child with a side to you I somehow failed to see. I think this would be an eye opener for you and me. I have to admit I enjoyed the other night almost as much as you. If I think we are making a mistake, I will put an end to it."

"What do you expect me to do."

"I think we ought to have Lexi nights. Maybe once a week, during the week and maybe one afternoon or evening on the weekends. On those days you will have free range to explore as much or little of that aspect of your personality as you want. I will help you however I can."

"That sounds like fun. You already returned my costume so I guess I will wear some of my more daring androgynous clothes."

"I returned the cheerleader outfit, but I bought from Lulu the breast forms and the wig. Your hair is easily long enough to be attractively styled, but for the moment the wig will make you feel more girlish. After your next Lulu appointment maybe you'll have more options with your own hair."

"Wow, you have this all figured out."

"I have been thinking about it a lot since the party. I think this weekend we will go and get you some age-appropriate Lexi clothes. I think that way you can mentally feel different when you wear them. Maybe some of the new things can go both ways, but we will see about that.”

“What are we going to get?”

“I think we will go downtown to Chicago and hit some of the Oak Street boutiques and maybe water Tower Place or The 900 Shops. You will be more comfortable trying on things there, instead of up here where you might run into friends. “

“Trying on things? Will they let me?”

They will let Lexi. It’ll be fun and you will definitely feel the complete girlish experience.”

“I really don’t need that much clothes.”

“It’s about getting some nice things and about the whole experience. How about Thursday night we will do a dress-up dry run. It will make Saturday morning easier.”

“This is all mind numbing, but I think I want to do it.”

“Good. I will make plans.”

I tried to spend the next few days acting as normal as I could, but I kept thinking about the events ahead. Things gradually improved at school and after a couple of days the locker antics disappeared. I fell back into my regular routine and the comments faded away.

On Wednesday Jessica told me that her get-together was moved from Saturday to Sunday afternoon. Her parents would be out that afternoon so they could have more fun with a Sunday gathering. I had completely forgotten about her invitation with my shopping plans cluttering my brain cells. I told her Sunday would be good and I would see her then. She reminded me that I was welcome to come as Lexi if I wanted to.

On Thursday, my mother told me to work on my homework as soon as I got home. She wanted us to have free time later to fix me up. I finished my work and had a salad dinner. We were free to play at about 7 PM. I was instructed to do a fresh body shaving with my electric razor. My mother did all of her makeup handiwork on me and gave me one of her long silk tunics and some denim tights to get dressed in. she told me to wear my padding and brassiere to give everything proper shape.

When I returned I could tell she was pleased. I looked casual, but very pretty. She really wanted me to go without the wig, but she said maybe it was best until my hair got a proper styling. She had me walk around all evening on heels, so I could get used to them. She intended to have me wear a pair of her wedge styled shoes on Saturday. By wearing regular heels all evening she figured I would be better prepared to try on other styles.

We spent some time in the guest bedroom that was adjacent to my room. She said this would serve as the room for my Lexi things. It had a small walk-in closet and a queen bed. She moved a few items from her room into the closet and a few selected things from my room.

"Lexi, I think I will get a vanity for this room and do a little redecorating. I know it is not necessary, but it will be fun for me."

"I think it will be good to have my Lexi stuff in a separate room in case my friends come over."

"Maybe down the road you can have some of your girlfriends over and have a place to hang out."

"This is just for us, remember."

"I know, I'm just brainstorming ahead."

The dry run went well and we were as ready as we could be for our excursion on Saturday. I was excited about Saturday for another reason. I was looking forward to spending some time bonding with my mother. Over the years since my father died, my mother and I had always been very close. However, there is a special bond that a father and son can have, and the same for a mother and daughter. This would be an experience that few boys would ever get a chance to have. It would be as much for my mother as it was for me.

Saturday morning my mother got me up at 8:30 AM. I took a shower and had some breakfast before we got ready. I dressed in the clothes from Thursday evening and my mother did my makeup. I had practiced on a few occasions, but for our excursion today my mother wanted my makeup to be flawless. I did not look exactly as I had in our previous dress-up experiences, because my mother wanted the makeup to be more daytime oriented. The makeup was a little less extreme, but no less feminine. I wore a pair of her diamond studs that my father had bought for her. She said that studs would be easier for me when I was changing outfits.

I was nervous leaving the house in daylight for the first time, looking as I did. I was confident that I looked the part, but still a little worried that a friend might pop over as we were heading out the driveway. I could tell my mother was enjoying herself, as we drove down the Kennedy Expressway. We parked in the garage at 900 North Shops. It was centrally located and right next to Bloomingdale’s.

We made our first stop at Bloomingdale’s. Almost immediately upon entering the women’s department, a sales associate came to assist us. My mother told her that we were primarily looking for me and that I had almost no winter clothes. She told the associate that I had recently blossomed and had very little clothing that I could wear.

“What is your lovely daughter’s name?”

“Her name is Lexi. We need to get her some casual clothes and maybe something a little dressier.”

“ I hope it is okay that I call you Lexi. You are going to be in for a real treat. You look like a size 6, does that sound about right?”

“I am not sure I have not done that much shopping lately.”

“You will just have to try on a few things. Many of our designers have a different idea about sizing. You could possibly be a size 4 with some designers and even a size 8 with others.”

Over the next hour I must have tried on 20 or more outfits. I was amazed by the quality of the clothing. It was a lot different than the chain stores that I had gone through with Roxanne and Jessica. The prices were a little mind boggling, but there was no question the clothing was stylish and of high quality. I asked my mother if we really should be spending so much for me to be a part-time girl and she told me not to give it a second thought.

By the time we left Bloomingdale’s, I had three sets of slacks, four blouses, two sweaters, a wide belt, a silk scarf, and a couple of dresses. The dresses were not formal, but would be nice for going out on a Saturday night. Virtually everything we picked out was from one famous designer or another. I recognized a couple of their names, but not many of the others. My mother told me I had a lot to learn.

We had two very large shopping bags full of clothing. My mother suggested that we go and do a little shoe shopping and then put our current purchases into the car. We shopped at Charles David and Alternatives Shoes. I bought some cowgirl style shoes and two dressy pair at Charles David. At alternatives I bought shoes that would be appropriate for school, that is, if I was a girl. Two pairs were fun leather slip-ons, with small heels. Another pair, had straps that wound around my legs. I thought they looked pretty sexy on me.

We put all of our purchases into the car and returned to the mall for some lunch. We had a light lunch at the Oak tree Café, before heading out to do some more shopping. In addition to more clothes my mother said we had to get me some nice outerwear. We ended up getting me a three-quarter length, medium weight coat and a beautiful black leather winter coat. The black leather coat would be perfect for the winter weather that Chicago was known for. When I saw the price tag on that coat, I told my mother I thought that was ridiculous and that I didn't need it. She told me it was a perfect fit and could be worn with casual clothes or with something a little dressier. I said I would not have that many opportunities to where it, but she insisted that I could wear it with some of my boy clothes. I looked at her kind of funny, since the style was clearly designed for a woman. It was a classic leather coat, but the detail work and collar was very feminine. I was happy that my mother wanted me to have the very best, but I was getting a little concerned we were going over the top.

We had picked up most of the basics and started just going into some of the boutiques to see if we found something special that we really liked. Before the afternoon was over, I owned clothes from Prada, Hermes, and Anthropology among others. I had a wardrobe that any teenage or 20 something girl would die for. I felt kind of guilty, getting so many nice things. I somehow knew that my mother expected me to get a lot of use out of them. I was not sure when, but this was for much more than just for a couple of nights a week.

Our last stop for the day was at Victoria secrets. I ended up with some new bras and a number of other intimate items. Victoria Secrets was one of the few places that I was a little apprehensive about trying on apparel. With some of the intimate wear my breast forms either showed or had a hard time staying in place. When my mother saw my difficulty, she said that she would have to work on that for the future. I wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but at this point nothing would’ve surprised me.

We headed home shortly before 5 PM and put away my things in the guest bedroom. I was pretty tired from the day’s experience. Shortly after arriving home, I took off my wig. I told my mother it was getting a little hot and uncomfortable. When I took it off, she grabbed a brush and combed out my hair. She put a red barrette into my hair so it would not fall into my face. I still looked totally girlish even without the wig on my head.

I assumed after I got home that it would be time for me to switch back into my Alex role, but she said I should at least finish out the day this way. Since there was no reason to change, I stayed as Lexi. The more time I spent as Lexi, the more comfortable I became. After dinner, I found myself curled up with a book in front of the fireplace. My mother commented how adorable I looked sitting there all cozy looking.

It was an amazing day and I was sure it would have many encores. In only a few short weeks I had gone from a fashion forward hairstyle to a fully dressed teenage girl. It was more than I could’ve imagined and I still do not know what it all meant. I started down this path, hoping it would improve my social life. My social life had increased, but it was getting increasingly difficult to imagine myself making the moves on any girl at school. My personal style had changed significantly and more and more of my free time was being spent looking like Lexi.

The next day when I came down to breakfast my mother asked me if I wanted to be Lexi again. I was surprised by the suggestion, but told her that I would be spending the afternoon over at Jessica’s house. I could tell she was a little disappointed, but she did not push it on me. I spent the better part of the day finishing my homework. I really did not want to have any left when I got back from Jessica’s.

I think the experience on Saturday had made me less cautious about my appearance, so I dressed for the afternoon a little more boldly. Jessica had suggested I come as Lexi, but I was not prepared to go that far. I decided to wear my androgynous looking clothes, with a few decidedly feminine accessories. When I was dressed to go, I had not one thing on me that could be bought in a men’s department. I wore my hoop earrings, girl’s belt, and new bracelet along with some of the clothes that the girls had bought for me. I even wore a Barrette to hold my hair out of my eyes. When my mother saw me, she knew that I was dressing even more femininely for my friends than ever before. She did not complain and even suggested that a little light makeup might look nice. I resisted the temptation and told her I was ready to go.

I was the fourth person to arrive at Jessica’s house and soon thereafter three more of her friends showed up. Both Jessica and Roxanne commented how great I looked and never thought twice about calling me Lexi. About a half-hour after everyone had gotten there Jessica said it would be a good time to go for the swim. I had no idea that anyone was going to be swimming. I didn’t even know that Jessica’s house had an indoor pool. All of the girls had brought bathing suits, but I had not.

“I thought you knew we would be swimming. Whenever my friends come over on the weekend, we usually go for a swim.”

“It’s not a big deal, I’ll just hang out by the pool.”

“I am sure I can find a suit that you can wear. My sister is about your size and she has a few one-piece suits that I am sure will work.”

“A girl’s swimsuit?”

“It’s no big deal. It’s not like you have any sort of problem dressing a little more adventurously. You will look fine.”

“A few minutes later I was dressed in her sister’s purple one-piece bathing suit, it was low-cut in the back and had built-in cups in the front. I obviously was not wearing my breast forms, but with the style of the suit it looked like I had small breasts. The girls applauded when they saw me, and Jessica said I really need a little makeup to complete the image. At this point I wasn’t going to argue. I was given a little mascara, eyeliner and some lipstick. It wasn’t elaborate, but it did the trick. When they laid the makeup down on the table, I instinctively picked up the mascara as if I was going to put it on myself. I realized that I might look a little odd doing that myself, so I put it right back down.

I spent the afternoon with them as one of the girls and even kept the makeup on after I changed back into my regular clothes. I was treated completely as one of the girls and not as a fashion forward boy.

When I got picked up, my makeup did not go unnoticed. I explained the events of the afternoon and my mother did not seem very surprised. She told me to freshen my makeup before dinner and I did. It had been a crazy weekend that had taken me places I never expected to go. Tomorrow would be back to my normal routine and school.

Over the remainder of the fall semester my dressing activities at home expand. The original plan was for me to experiment a couple times a week. By mid-December I was dressing at home the majority of the time. It seemed to make my mother happy and I had grown much more comfortable in the part. On days or evenings I was with friends, I stuck to being Alex, but that now seemed to be only two or three days a week.

Most of my Lexi time was spent at home, but we did go into the city a few times to have dinner or do some window-shopping. I was also getting more used to having men looking at me. At first it creped me out a little, but now it just seems like something I just had to accept.

On my last salon appointment in late November, Lulu still did not do that much with my styling. She said my hair looked great, but still needed more length to do what she planned. In my mind it was already long enough. At school I started to keep it in a ponytail to draw less attention. At home my mother would have me brush it out into a more feminine style.

I tried to keep my two worlds as separate as I could. At school and with friends I rarely got as girlish as I did at Jessica's pool party. I was afraid of crossing that line. My relationship with Roxanne and her friends continue to grow, but I was careful not to act like a girl around them. At times I really wanted to, but doing so would probably cause the situation to spiral out of control.

My relationship with Paul had gotten better and his mood seemed to be improving when he was with me. The spark was still missing from his eyes, but we laughed and joked around a lot. He even got comfortable enough to start making Lexi comments about me when I acted or looked less manly. For the most part my relationships and school were going pretty well.

The holidays and winter break were just around the corner. It had been an amazing school semester that had certainly changed my life. I still was not sure where it was leading, but it was probably going to be a crooked path. There was one week left in the school semester, which would be followed by two full weeks off. We had made no real plans to travel over the break and planned to just do things around Chicago. We discussed going away for a long weekend, but had made no firm plans. The only thing I knew, was on Saturday, the first full day of break, I would be getting my hair styled again. I was pretty certain that Lulu planned to be a little more creative at this appointment.

After school on Monday, I went to the library with Roxanne to finish up a school project. We really didn't have much work this last week, but I still enjoyed studying with Roxanne. I still felt something special for her even though she felt somewhat differently about me. She had been a big part of my change the lifestyle and for the most part I was grateful. I wanted to get her something for Christmas and asked her if there was anything special that she would like.

"You know it's funny that you ask me that question, since winter break and the holidays are around the corner. I had been thinking, even before you asked me that question, of asking you to do something for me for Christmas."

"Of course Roxanne, I would do anything for you. What would you like me to do?"

"Do you really mean that?"

"Yes of course, why are you being so coy?"

"Well what I'm going to ask you is a little unusual and it's for me, but it's also for you."

"Okay, so what do you want? "

"This coming Saturday evening my family has a holiday party. It's for family, a few relatives and some friends. I would like you to come."

"That's easy enough, I would love to come."

"That's not the whole thing. When I said I wanted you to come, I meant Lexi. I would really like you to come as Lexi. It's a holiday party so you could wear something festive."

"Am I hearing you right. You want me to get dolled up and show up at your house as Lexi?"

"You are. I've been thinking about this for a long time and I think it's something I really want and I think you do too. It would mean a lot to me, since you are so special to me and have been such a good friend."

"I guess I don't mind dressing up for you, but there will be other people there."

"I have already spoken with my family and they would love to meet Lexi. They already know you very well and they also said it would be wonderful if you came dressed in the holiday spirit."

“What about others, I do not want to cause a stir. You indicated that some friends would be there. I'm not sure about this."

"You have already done this with my friends. Did anyone treat you badly?"

"No, but this is much less private."

"It's a party, everyone will be happy and having fun. This is a perfect time for you to spread your wings."

"Why do you think I need to spread my wings?"

"Come on Lexi. I know you are not like other boys. You have a special side that deserves to have some face time."

Roxy, I do enjoy being with all of the girls, but this is so much beyond that."

"Hopefully it will be well beyond that. I guarantee you will have a pleasant evening. So will you do it?"

"I think I need to run this by my mom. I am not sure if she will approve."

"Why don't you invite her too. That way she can keep an eye and you if she is nervous."

"Okay, if she says it's alright, I will come."

"You mean Lexi, don't you?"

"Cute."

"I probably have something you could wear."

"Don't worry about that. If my mom says yes, we will take care of my outfit. I'll ask her tonight and let you know."

"Great. I am so excited. This year we will have best holiday party."

Back at home I related Roxanne's request to my mother.

"Honey this is a very big step. This is not a costume party or some private playtime. Others will see you and it will permanently change some people's views about you. Are you prepared to have the light shined on you in that way."

"I've been doing this with you for a pretty long time now. It is hard to keep this from my close friends. I am Alex, but I also like how it feels to be Lexi. I would like to share it with my good friends, if you approve."

"I am only asking you, because sometimes I think I have guided you too strongly to this point. You initiated the change, but without my help you might have just grown out of it. If you really want this, then we will go to the party as mother and daughter."

"Let's do it. If it is my choice, then I am ready to show myself off."

"I know you are ready. I think most of your friends will be surprised by how ready you are."

"I certainly will not need any new clothes. I finally have some reason to wear that Donna Karan dress."

"That is for sure. You are going to look absolutely lovely."

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Any and all comments are appreciated. I love to hear what you think.

A CHANGE OF STYLE (conclusion) PART 4

by NINA ADAMS
In part 4 of the four-part story, Alex goes to Roxanne’s Holiday Party dresses completely as Lexi. In this chapter the recent changes in Alex become part of his fiber and his true self emerges. His transformation from Alex to Lexi is completed.
The journey takes him places few boys have the opportunity to experience. His gradual acceptance of his changes helps enrich his life, but forces him to make some complex choices.

THE HOLIDAY PARTY

"I am supposed to get my hair styled Saturday morning, do you think I should tell Lulu about the party?"

"I think she has big plans for your hair anyway, but I will let her know. I think I will make a manicure and pedicure appointment for you also. Your nails have gotten very long and could use some proper care."

"The place is pretty busy on Saturdays. I am not sure about getting a pedicure with everyone around."

"I was thinking about your next salon visit a few days ago, and now with you going to the party in the evening, I think you should attend your appointment as Lexi. This is going to be a long appointment and you will be much less out of place this way."

"With the party and everything I guess that makes sense. My hair is now down past my shoulders, I sure hope Lulu gives me something that looks good for the evening."

"That's something you don't have to worry about."

"I'll call Roxanne and let her know we are coming."

Roxanne was excited beyond words. I told her about my appointment and that my mother was arranging all the details for me to look my best. I even told her that I was going to the salon as Lexi. She was impressed that I was comfortable enough to go that way.

All week at school she kept trying to find out more about my outfit and plans. It was all girl talk without a hint of Alex discussion. I let on a little about experimenting with my mother over the past weeks, and she was not even a little astonished by my confession. She wanted me to do this because she already assumed I was doing a little of this in private at home.

On Friday when school let out I headed home feeling great about the winter break and awash in thoughts about the day ahead. I beat my mother home and headed up to my room. When I got inside, I discovered a lot of my personal items missing. My clothes and the majority of my things were still there, but some of my family pictures, personal items, my iPod dock, and most of my books were gone. They weren’t in my closet and I got a little concerned.

I called my mother's cell phone and she said not to be worried. She told me she would be home shortly. I went downstairs and turned on the TV. She came to through the door about 20 minutes later.

"So where is all of my stuff, mom?"

"It's in your room. You must not be very observant."

"I checked. It's not in my closet either."

"Let's go up and look, silly."

Instead of walking into my room she walked into the guest room. I followed a few quick steps behind her.

"See Lexi, it's all here!"

"Mom, what's it all doing in here?"

"Honey, I think with all of the time you are spending as Lexi, this is a better place for your important things."

The room had recently been painted, but now there were new curtains, a new rug, and all new art. The room had been totally transformed. A large vanity desk had been delivered along with a large swivel floor mirror. The room was everything a girl could want.

I realized that she'd gone through quite a lot to surprise me today with all of these changes. I loved how the room looked, but I didn't expect to be living in this room. I thanked her with a hug and a kiss and tried to take it in.

"You can always use the other room if you need to, but I think you'll be happier in here. You are off school for a while, so this will be a good time to start using it."

"Wow, you must have done a lot of planning ahead to pull this off."

"A little, I just planned it as an early holiday gift. Merry Christmas!"

"Thanks mom."

"Before you get changed stop in my room, I need to show you one more thing. It should help with your new wardrobe. Make sure you shower and shave very closely before you come to see me."

My mother assumed that I would be changing into my Lexi wardrobe. With all she had done for my surprise, I thought it would be only right to do what she wanted. I took a long shower and cleared off my minimal stubble. I had now been smooth skinned for nearly 2 months. I put on my pink robe and went down to her room.

"I bought you some replacements for the inserts that we got from Lulu. The new ones are specifically designed for women who have a need to wear breast forms all of the time. The others gave you a good shape, but these will stay in place better and be much more versatile. You can swim with these and wear slightly more revealing tops."

"What makes them better for swimming and staying secure?"

"They are designed for someone your size and they are attachable. They were custom-made for you based upon your chest measurements.”

"Attachable, How’s that?"

"I will show you. We are going to use an adhesive that is safe for your skin. They will stay in place even if you are not wearing a bra."

"For how long. Well they will stay in place for up to two weeks. I have a solvent that takes the adhesive off if they have to come off sooner."

"Two weeks! I can't wear them that long."

"Honey, you are on break. We will make sure they are off before school."

"But mom, that's the whole break. You want me to stay as Lexi until the break ends?"

"Do you have any Alex plans? If needed we can remove them early."

It took about five minutes for me to have a pair of small ‘C’ cup breasts. Alex was going to be away for a while. I was definitely going to have to get comfortable in my new skin. I could feel the weight on my chest. It felt different than the older forms and also made me feel like I was no longer Alex.

Over the past few months I had lost some weight. I was spending so much time with my mother playing the Lexi role, that my eating patterns had shifted a little. I was still only about 5'7", but my weight was down to about 125 pounds. Other than the hidden male organ between my legs I now had a very girlish looking body.

I dressed myself and put on some makeup to complete the transformation. I had gotten pretty adept at doing my own makeup, which also contributed to my girlish experience. My ever-changing mental state was now further enhanced by my new breasts and new bedroom.

Saturday morning I dressed in three-quarter length slacks and a somewhat revealing silk blouse. I brushed out my hair and put on some makeup. I wore open-toed low-heeled dress sandals, because my mother said they would be better for my pedicure.

My mom was pleased with my ability to get myself ready and declared it was time to go. She was also getting some nail care and styling at the salon, so we went to our appointments together.

I was nervous seeing Lulu in my current state, even though she was expecting me like this. She treated me like any other girl in the salon.

"You are going to be amazed how great you look when we are done. Your hair is a perfect length for you and I know exactly what to do to give you the perfect look."

"I guess right now I don't look very androgynous do I? Today is probably not going to help either."

Lulu just smiled and said to relax. Over the next 90 minutes she washed, cut and then wrapped things into my hair. When I inquired what that was for, she only said something about highlighting. She brushed and cut in every direction. When she was done working on my hair she went to work on my eyebrows again. This time, pulling out a lot more hairs than at the previous appointments. I still had not seen her magic.

When she decided I looked done she called my mother over to look before I had a chance to view myself. When my mom saw me, she actually teared up.

"Lexi, I'm sorry to be so emotional, but you are so gorgeous. All along I knew you had a very natural beauty, but you are even more attractive than I imagined. You make an absolutely stunning young woman."

They told me to stand up and turn around. When I did I felt a chill go down my spine. My hair was in no way cut to look androgynous. This was a girl looking back at me with attention-getting styling. My highlighted locks had straight bangs and flowing soft waves on the sides. My eyes stood out with the bangs and now thinner eyebrows. I did not see how I could possibly cover up my transformed look. I appeared all-girl.

My New Hairstyle---

I was shifted over to another area to get my manicure and pedicure. Getting my toes and nails done was much slower than I anticipated. That process took nearly an hour and a half. When they were done, I had beautiful red toes and nails. I found the manicure pedicure experience to be very pleasant, especially when I got to soak my feet.

I noticed two girls from school come in during my pedicure. They were not part of my group of girlfriends, but I knew who they were and I was sure they knew of me. The salon was not that big and they both looked at me, but it was clear neither recognized me. I was just some unknown girl to them.

When we were paying our substantial bill, Lulu asked me how I like my new styling.

"There is not much to not like. I think I look fabulous. I have never felt so pretty. For now I couldn't be happier with the cut, but I'm concerned this is going to make it very difficult to go back to being Alex."

"I understand, but you are too pretty to be an Alex. Don't worry about that for now. Just enjoy the moment."

It had been well over 3 1/2 hours before we headed out the door. We stopped at a popular café in Highland Park and had some lunch. I was not even remotely worried that I looked out of place.

We arrived home at about 2 PM and we both rested for a couple of hours. We wanted to be rested for the party at 6 PM. The holiday party was a dinner buffet and cocktail party. It was scheduled from six to 10 PM and Roxanne told me it usually went much later.

My mother and I took our time getting ready. My hair didn't need anything, but I needed to redo my makeup and get myself dressed. I knew my dress showed off my enhanced figure and I never looked better. I even dabbed a little of my mom’s Coco Chanel perfume on my neck. I put on just enough to be noticeable, but just barely. Roxanne was sure to be mesmerized by my appearance. I was anxious for her to see me. I felt a little like a girl might have felt going out on her first date.

We made our way to Roxanne's house at about 6:30 PM. My mother knew Roxanne's mother, but neither of us knew how many other people would be there. The Nash’s had a large house, which was well designed for entertainment. When we got near her house we immediately realized that this was going to be a fairly large gathering. There were numerous cars parked on the street we had to park nearly a block away.

We made the cold walk to the door. I could feel the chill on my bare legs. When approached the front door, other guests let us in. We were told to put our coats on racks that had been set up in one of the bedrooms. I took one last look in the bedroom mirror and took in a deep breath, before walking out to join the party.

When I saw all of the guests, I felt a wave of panic through my body. I looked at my mother and she could see my heightened anxiety.

"Lexi, you look spectacular. Just relax, talk slowly and smile. Find some of your friends and you will feel better very quickly."

"I am excited and scared all-in-one. I think I will look for Roxanne and try to hang with her for a while."

"Let's go socialize."

"I'll follow you mom."

We made our way towards their living room. Their living room was a very large great-room with a two-story ceiling. On the backside it had floor to ceiling windows looking out to their snow-covered backyard. On the other side was a second-floor balcony. When we entered the room I could see Roxanne standing at the edge of the balcony looking out over the guests. Jessica was standing next to her scanning the crowd. They both looked ravishing in their party dresses. I always knew how pretty they were, but all fixed up in party dresses they look captivating. They looked in my direction, but did not immediately identify me out of the guests. I zoned in on them and started towards the stairs to join them. As I reached the top of the stairs I heard a loud, "OH MY GOD!"

Both girls started rushing towards me.

"I can't believe how phenomenal you look." Shouted Roxanne.

"You look even better than I imagined." added Jessica.

For the next few minutes the conversation was all about my appearance. They commented about my hair, makeup, figure, dress and how perfectly natural I looked. They said I resembled in every way a real girl. They asked how I was feeling and if I enjoyed being one of the girls. I admitted that I was very comfortable after initially being nervous.

"Well Roxanne, I did it! Merry Christmas!"

"You did it all right. Let's have a toast. Long live Lexi!"

"I don't have a drink."

"We'll get you one in a minute. I can’t get over how beautifully your hair is styled and your makeup is flawless."

"I did the makeup myself."

"You did?" Jessica chirped.

"My mom gave me some lessons."

"Way to go girl. I am going to have to let you do mine. You have come so far so quickly.

"Thanks, I guess. I never plan this or really thought I wanted all of this, but I've grown to like it. I now feel almost normal."

Roxanne looked me in the eyes, "This is not a costume for you anymore. This is your new normal. I would tell you to get used to it, but I see you already have."

"I've practiced with my mother."

"Practice makes perfect and you look so perfect."

"So who all is here or coming?"

"Some of your friends are in my room and a few more are supposed to arrived at about 7 PM."

"Why 7 PM?"

"Well Josh is coming and he had to pick up someone, so he figured 7 PM would work."

"I didn't know your boyfriend was coming. Did you tell him about me?"

"I didn't see any way not to. He was very cool about it. Josh said he really wanted to meet you. He said he only caught a glimpse of you at the Halloween party."

"I guess this is not going to be any kind of secret.”

“ Lexi, you were at the salon today and are here at my house, did you really think it would be a secret?"

"No not really, but I didn't know any guys would be here."

She smiled at my last comment and said let's get some food and join the other girls up in my room. I have a present for you later, but it will wait."

"A present, I didn't bring you anything."

"Remember, your present for me was you coming as Lexi. So, I got Lexi something, let's eat first."

We went downstairs and filled some plates with a bunch of finger foods. I was introduced to a few of her relatives. All of them assumed I was one of her girlfriends. Her mom was very complementary and I heard her tell Roxanne "you are absolutely right about him."

When I saw her other girlfriends up in the bedroom, it was much like when Roxy saw me coming up the stairs. I was given a lot of hugs and a lot of praise. They all wanted to know how much was real and how much was artificial. I had to tell them that only my hair was real. "The hips and breasts got some help." They weren't surprised, but they joked that I was probably a late bloomer.

At about 7:15 Josh made his way up to get Roxanne. I knew she would probably now be giving him most of her attention. When he entered, they had a brief kiss for all of us to see. I could see some envy in a couple of the other girl’s eyes. With that Roxanne said she needed to step out with Josh for a few minutes.

I was engaged in a conversation with Lauren and Jessica that when Roxanne returned to the room. She asked if I could come outside for a minute.

"What's up Roxy? Do you need some help with something."

"No, I think it's time for your present."

"I really hope you didn't spend much."

"I'm pretty sure it's something you really wanted, and it didn't cost me anything."

"That sounds like a good present, what is it?"

"It's downstairs next to the small Christmas tree in the family room."

"How will I know which gift is mine?"

"Trust me you'll know. It's a little bigger than the other gifts."

"Should I bring it upstairs to open?"

"Why don't you open it by yourself. You can certainly bring it upstairs later if you want."

"Okay, let's go."

"I want you to open it yourself, so go down there before someone else takes it."

I was trying to figure out what it could be. Why would she want me to go get it by myself? I slowly sashayed down the stairs. I was feeling pretty good and any fear I had been feeling earlier had passed. I was having a good time and everyone was being nice to me.

I made my way into the family room and turned to the tree. I felt my heart stop. Standing all by himself next to the tree was Paul. When he saw me our eyes met, we both looked like dears in the headlights. After a short pause we walked up to each other.

I was not sure what to say. He also seemed at a small loss for words.

"I didn't know you would be here. Roxanne never told me."

"My God you look unbelievable. She told me that Lexi would be here, and asked me if I wanted to see her again."

"Well are you glad you came?"

"I am, are you happy to see me?"

"I am surprised. Our last Lexi experience did not end well."

"Hopefully this one will end better. You still didn't answer my question. Are you happy I am here?"

"I didn't want our last time together to end, so the answer is a very strong yes."

"I think we had some unfinished business."

"Paul, but I'm not really a girl, you know that."

"All I see is a girl. When I see you and talk to you I think Lexi. At school it took me a while, but I realize that you really are Lexi, not Alex. Seeing you so perfectly made up in front of me, confirms my beliefs."

"So what are you saying?"

With that he put his arms on my shoulders and turned his head so that our lips could meet. I felt the warmth of his kiss rush through my body. It was only a kiss of about 2 to 3 seconds, but it felt like time had stopped. I looked him in the eyes and then leaned forward for a longer more passionate encore. When we were done with our little necking session, I could see a couple of the people in the room glancing at us.

"So much for unfinished business." I joked.

"Merry Christmas, Lexi."

"Should we go join everyone?"

"Most of our friends are upstairs. So what does this all mean?"

"We will figure that out as we go, but remember what I said at the dance. For the rest of the night you are all mine."

I floated up the stairs holding Paul's hand. When we got into the room everyone started chanting, “kiss, kiss, kiss!"

We didn't disappoint. Some soft cheers and some applause followed our embrace. I gave Roxanne a big hug and thanked her for my ‘big’ present.

"What are friends for?"

The rest of the evening went wonderfully and it was one of the most enjoyable nights of my life . I introduced Paul to my mother and she told me he seemed very nice. "He's very handsome, don't you think?"

"Yes mom, I do, and he is a good kisser."

With that she raised her eyebrows and gave me a very sly smile "Young lady, you move too quickly."

"Mom, it's been a very long time in coming, don't worry."

"Well I guess you always put your heart into things, so we are going to have more things to be discussing."

"I think you are right mom."

I was having such a good time that the evening flew by so quickly. My mom came to get me just after 10 PM and told me it was time to go. I didn't want to leave, but I also didn't want to ruin a perfect night. I told her to give me five minutes to say goodbye to my friends.

I gave everyone who was still there a big hug and thanked them all for making my evening so special. I pulled Roxanne aside and told her there were no words that could express my appreciation for all she had done. I told her we could talk about it more tomorrow.

I stepped into Roxanne's bathroom with Paul for a final private moment. We spent most of the time kissing and squeezing each other. I was breathless when I knew I had to go.

"Are you going to call me or am I a one night stand?"

"You're too funny. Let's go to a movie."

"Sure, when? I can't tomorrow, but how about Tuesday?"

"It's a date. I can't wait."

My mother opened the conversation with me in the car with a statement. "I think Alex is gone. We need to start thinking more long term."

"I certainly don't feel like Alex right now, but what else do I have to learn about being Lexi?”

"I am not sure you need to learn much more, but we have to figure out how to deal with your choices."

"It's going to be even stranger going back and forth. Right now I'm happy it's winter break and I don’t have to worry about it.."

"We'll talk about that tomorrow and come up with a strategy. For now I’m thrilled you have found some happiness."

"Thanks mom. Tonight was amazing."

The next morning almost instinctively I dressed as Lexi, just like I had been doing it all of my life. I even walked down to the Walgreens to get some face cream and conditioner.

In the afternoon my mother sat me down in the den to discuss some issues she had been working on.

"Lexi, the recent events have led me to believe that you are much happier being Lexi then you were as Alex. Am I correct there?"

"I think so, I really enjoy being Lexi."

"Well we need to take you to see some specialists if you want to stay as Lexi and go back to school this way."

"Back to school this way? How can I do that?"

"Well honey, you are not much of a boy anymore. You look and act like a girl and frankly seem better suited to be one."

"But I am not a girl!"

"Technically, you are right, but in most other regards you now are. You even have a boyfriend."

"Well he made me feel like I never really had before, but it was only some kissing."

"It's how you feel that it's important. I don't see any real desire to be Alex anymore."

"But school how is that possible?"

"It's only possible if you truly are ready to be Lexi. I have made some appointments for you to see specialists that can guide you along that path."

"Specialists, what will they do?"

"The first one is a woman's doctor who will check you out physically and possibly adjust some of your hormone levels. The other specialist is a psychiatrist that evaluates your mental state. All of the things take a long time, but are necessary."

"I have to see a shrink!"

"I have scheduled you to see both Doctors tomorrow. First, you are going to spend most of the morning with Dr. Robin. She is going to evaluate your commitment to being a girl. Assuming she believes you are ready, she will provide us a note for school and for Dr. Kelly to begin giving you some girl drugs. You are probably going to spend time with her each day, before you return to school. There's not much time and there is a lot to work out. She has worked with many other transsexuals."

"You never called me that before."

"That's true, but it is a word that you are going to have to get used to."

"Wow. This is so major. How much will the meds affect me?”

“I'll let the doctor discussed that, but over time I suspect a lot. Down the road, probably in a year or two, if all goes smoothly, the doctors can complete your transition."

"You mean...”

“Yes Honey.”

"What do you think I should tell my friends?"

"I think Dr. Robin will talk to you about that, but I suspect the truth."

"Mom, I love you. Will you still love me when I am a girl?"

"Oh Lexi, you never need to ask me that. I will always love you. I loved you as Alex and I will always love you as Lexi. Young lady your best years are to come.”

THE END

EPILOGUE
I never looked back. I met with the doctors and also school administrators. After winter break I return to school as my new self. I was put on estrogen and progesterone to provide me with female hormones and I was given spironolactone to stop my production of male hormones. I didn't have that much hair on my body, but I started a regular schedule of laser appointments to remove what little I had.

Paul and I dated for the rest of the school year and even went to the spring prom together. Roxanne made certain that I became a real cheerleader for the spring season, after all she was the team captain.

I was in the school production of high school musical. I wasn't the lead, but I did get one of the big female parts. I continue to focus on the arts and chose to go to Northwestern as an art major. I wanted to stay near home during my transition.

Roxanne and I still are best friends and she promises me that someday I will be one of her bridesmaids. I promised her she would be one of mine.

It is amazing how much a new hairstyle can change your life.

I would love to hear any comments. I hope you enjoyed it.-----