A College Outing
Author's note: there is a brief description of a sexual assault in this story. Take care when reading.
A College Outing
It was another beautiful fall day, and Tracy couldn’t be happier. Not just the weather was perfect, but so was everything else. She was starting college, making real friends for the first time, and being able to be herself, at last. It had been a long struggle to get to this point, but she was finally where she wanted to be, and who she had always been, inside.
She had the misfortune of being mistaken for a boy as a child, and all the way through high school; she had fought and struggled to finally be recognized as the young woman she was, but nobody ever really saw her that way at home. Finally, she had no choice to move away from her hometown, to make a fresh start as herself, without the history she desperately wanted to leave behind.
She took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and thought, “This is the first day of the rest of my life, and I plan to make it a good one.” She climbed out of her car and walked onto the campus.
The day simply flew by. She was busy, learning where her classes where, learning the layout of the campus, and meeting her classmates. At first, whenever she would meet someone new, she would flinch for a moment, waiting to see if they knew what she had been, but soon, she realized no one even blinked, but accepted her fully as a woman.
By the end of the day, she had made some new friends, and after chatting with them over pizza after classes, she finally went to the rooming house she shared with some other students near the campus. When she got home, she greeted her roommates as she made her way to her room and sat heavily on her bed.
She didn’t lay down to sleep right away. Instead, she pulled her diary out from it’s hiding place between her bed and the wall. She wrote about her new friends, especially Samantha. Samantha was the first one to approach Tracy without being told to do so by the professor.
The second student to do so was a young man named Todd. He was brilliant, but Tracy thought he was just a little creepy. He’d been assigned as her lab partner in her Chemistry class.
He told her he was impressed with her, and asked her if she had always been so smart, but she ignored his compliment and concentrated on the class. Now that she was in her room alone, she allowed herself to think “I guess I am. I never really noticed; I guess I spent too much of my time just trying to survive”
However, The biggest rush had just being treated as a woman. Every small moment, every time she got called Tracy, every time she even looked at her reflection was a victory. And now, in her room, she could finally celebrate them.
Finally she put her diary back in it’s hiding place, got undressed, crawled into the bed, and fell asleep.
The next morning she was woken by a knock on her bedroom door. “Tracy. I’m making pancakes if you want some breakfast.”
“Yes please, James. I’ll be out in a minute.”
Besides James, she had three other housemates. Mary, who was now a senior, Robert, a freshmen like her, and Alice, who was a second year freshmen. Alice was having to repeat her freshmen year due to poor grades, James had told her yesterday.
“Would have been kicked out, except for her Daddy made this huge donation or something,” he had said at the time.
The college had arranged her accommodations, and she wondered if they had a sense of humor. Two men, two women, and her, somewhere in between....
She climbed out of bed and got dressed. She chose a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that proclaimed “I’m not weird. I’m crazy.” on the front. And on the back, “Get over it.” She didn’t feel that she would need to wear a dress or a skirt that day. She’d worn one the day before to help her confidence, but she realized that she really didn’t need to. She looked and acted enough like a woman that she could wear boy’s clothes and probably still pass. Besides, she wanted to blend in, and very few of the other female students wore dresses, except on special occasions.
When she went out to join her housemates for breakfast, Mary gave her a piece of paper. “Some boy named Todd called last night after you went to bed. I promised I’d give you his message.”
The message was just a phone number and a request for her to call him. She didn’t know how he’d gotten the house’s number; she didn’t give it to him. Nor had she told him where she was living. Well, she would see him today, and maybe she could get to the bottom of this in class. It was probably nothing, and she didn’t really want to make waves on her second day of her new life.
Class was okay, but somehow, even with him right beside her, she couldn’t bring herself to mention it. He seemed awkward, like he had no idea how to behave around people, and she could sympathise with that feeling. After all, she had been through much the same herself.
But despite her sympathy, she found herself somewhat uncomfortable with his lack of respect for personal space. He was often too close, almost right on top of her when he spoke to her. He would touch her arm, her shoulder, or brush against her deliberately. Several times, she almost called him on it, but checked herself, thinking that maybe he just didn’t know any better. Instead, she would force a smile and ignored it as much as she could.
She was glad when the class was over. The professor told the students that there would be no homework because it was the first day of Trigonometry, but that they could expect homework the next class, and every class for the rest of the year.
She packed her books into her bag and followed the stream of her classmates out the door. She made her way to the university cafe to meet Samantha and Destiny, another girl she’d met the day before. She felt very comfortable with them, and soon the three of them were sharing stories like old friends. Despite her comfort, she shaded stories of her high school years to avoid any references to her struggle to be genuine. That caution became even harder for her to maintain, when she learned that Sam and Destiny were a couple.
They told her there was a small group of gay and lesbian students who met once a week to discuss how they were doing.
“I would ask if I could come, but I’m not lesbian” Tracy said.
“You don’t have to be gay to come, Tracy. Everyone is welcome.” Destiny said.
“I like these girls, and I wish I could. But I don’t want anybody questioning me. But... I do need friends.”
“Okay. If you are sure I would be welcome”
“You will be, you’ll see,” Sam assured her.
“The first meeting of the year is tonight, at seven. Room 114. Mr. Allan asked the dean if we could have permission to use that classroom.” Destiny added.
“Some of the students weren’t happy about it, but the Dean made it clear that anybody who messed with our club would be suspended.”
“Does that mean you face a lot of discrimination?” asked Tracy.
“Less than we used to. Most of the students are okay now, but there are always a few idiots” Sam said.
“I’ll be there. I’ll be a little late, though. I have English class that goes until 7:20.”
“That’s fine. The meeting officially goes until 10, but we have people going in and out all evening. Either because they have class or just because they want to go home,” Sam assured her. “10pm is a little late for people who have class at 8am in the morning.”
The rest of the day was uneventful, and she found herself watching the clock all through her English class. Once the class was over, she rushed to the meeting room, and slipped in to join the small group. Sam and Destiny smiled when they saw her and beckoned her over.
“Tracy, this is Jason and his ‘girlfriend’ Justin. That’s his term, not ours.”
“Nice to meet you both. I’m Tracy.”
“I know. Destiny’s been chattering about you for the last half hour.”
“Oh stop it, Justin. I haven’t been chattering about her for half an hour. I only mentioned her once or twice.”
She found that she was pretty comfortable in the club. She tried to stay in the corner with Sam and Destiny, but people kept coming up and talking to her and engaging her in conversation. One boy she liked in particular was David. He was a basketball player. He was straight, but he’d always been bullied in high school because everybody thought he was gay, so that’s why he attended the meetings. He had been a regular attendant since his freshman year; now he was a junior.
She stayed for most of the meeting. At 9:15, she decided it was time to go home. She had a 9am Creative Writing class and needed her sleep and time to write about her day in her diary. There was only one problem with the meeting: no one had even mentioned transgender at the meeting, not even once. She almost broke her cover long enough to ask about how they felt about trans people, but her need to keep hiding overwhelmed her curiosity.
The next week passed pretty much in a blur. She attended her classes, and did moderately well in them. She hung out with Sam and Destiny when they weren’t in class, and even Jason and Justin sometimes, but most of the time the boys went home when they weren’t in class.
Sometimes David even came over to say hi when he wasn’t working on his campaign. He was running for student body president, and was doing a pretty good job too. He was far in the lead according to the opinion poles that the university newspaper published daily on their website.
The only bad time she had was when Todd decided he wanted to follow her around. He was waiting by the door to her English class when she got out. She tried to shake him by ducking in and out of classrooms and hiding behind buildings, but he seemed to be everywhere she was, and it was frightening now, and not just annoying. Finally, just before she was got to the gay club meeting, she decided to duck into a girls washroom.
There were two other girls in the washroom. One girl was just coming out of the stall, the other was washing her hands and double checking her makeup. The girls were talking about one of their classes and complaining about how boring the teacher was. The girl washing her hands gave Tracy a quick wave. Tracy waited while the other girl washed her hand at the other sink.
When the girls turned to leave, she asked them to see if there was a boy waiting outside the door. The girls walked out, and a few seconds later, one of them poked her head back in and told Tracy that nobody was there. Tracy thanked the girls, checked her hair in the mirror, and made her way to the meeting.
The meeting was quite a bit smaller that week, with only 20 or so people all night. She had a nice time talking with David. He brought his laptop to show her his new poster designs. She even helped him redesign one of them.
She didn’t stay as late this time. Samantha and Destiny decided to go home early, and Justin and Jason were on a date, so they were not there, and David got a cellphone call from some of his basketball buddies, so he wandered off around 8:30. She said goodbye to the other members who were hanging out and started walking across campus to her car. Today it was parked in the far parking lot because the lot she normally parked in was closed for repaving.
Just before she was about to climb into her car, someone tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around, and found Todd smiling at her.
“You scared me!”
“Sorry. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“Sorry, been a bit jumpy.”
He put a hand on her arm, and as he often was, he was standing far too close for her liking.
“I know you like me,” he said. “Not too many people do, but i can tell you do.”
She felt trapped, with her car behind her, and him right in front, and her fear was growing with each second. Finally, she said. “I …. I have to go, I have class in the morning.”
He actually backed up, and she relaxed, and turned to open the door. Then suddenly she felt him press right against her back, and could feel his hands moving across her body. she struggled, but he had her pinned, and she could feel his hands slide under the skirt she chosen to wear that morning. Then it happened. One of his hands touched her private parts, and he suddenly recoiled.
“You...you’re a guy! You are a god-dammed guy!”
She tried to get her breath back, and prepared for him to attack her, but instead, he continued to back off, shouting “I will make you pay, pervert! Everybody is going to know your dirty little secret!” With that, he turned, and fled, and was soon out of sight.
Tracy climbed into her car and locked the doors. She sat in the driver’s seat shaking for a few minutes before she composed herself enough to drive home. When she got home, she went straight to her room rather than chatting with her roommates as she normally did.
Mary noticed immediately that something was wrong and followed Tracy in. She knocked on her door, but didn’t wait for an invitation before going in. “Tracy? Is everything ok?”
Tracy shook her head frantically and backed up against the wall on her bed. Mary sat down on the bed next to her. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Tracy shook her head again, tears streaming down her face. “Well, whatever it is, it will get better, I promise.”
The women sat there in silence for a few minutes. Mary gave Tracy a hug and suggested that she go to sleep. “Everything will be better in the morning.” Then, she left the room, closing the door behind her.
Once she was gone, Tracy found her voice enough to whisper to herself, “No. No it won’t.”
She lay down and closed her eyes, but she didn’t fall asleep for hours. Eventually, though, she was too tired to think, and slipped into unconsciousness.
A College Outing Part 2
She was woken the next morning by Alice at her door. “Tracy, there’s somebody on the phone for you. They want a quote for the university paper.”
“I’m not here.”
“Really? You’re turning down a chance to be in the paper? Suit yourself, but I’d never do that.”
She told the person on the phone that Tracy refused to comment on whatever it was and hung up.
“Aren’t you running late for class?”
“I...I don’t feel well. I am not going today.”
Alice looked at her, and then shrugged. “Fine. It’s your life.”
A few moments later, Alice left, and Tracy laid back down, weeping. About a half-hour later, Mary knocked gently, and said, “Tracy?”
“Please go away.”
“Tracy, please. something is happening, and I need to talk to you.”
“I can’t deal with it right now. Maybe later.”
“Please. I need to talk to you. The college newspaper website is saying some things about you”
Tracy got up, and came to the door, and opened it. Mary came into the room, and Tracy said to her, “What...what are they saying?”
“I... I don’t even know how to put this. Please, just turn on your laptop, and check the website.”
Mary closed Tracy’s bedroom door and sat on her bed while she waited for her to check the website. It took a few minutes for everything to load up.
When the computer loaded up, she pulled up the paper’s website. And right in the center of the page, there was a picture of her. And under that, a picture from her high school yearbook, from before she’d started living as a woman. The headline proclaimed “Female student actually male!”
Tracy scanned the article. Apparently a “secret source” informed the newspaper that she was male. The reporter assigned to the story did a few quick Internet searches and quickly found her name-change documents, which led him to her high school pictures.
The article asked the student body to sign an online petition to ban her from the college. Next to the article, there was a counter of how many people had already signed. Out of a school of 11,000 students, there were already 2648 signatures.
“I’m sorry, Tracy,” Mary told her. “What kind of asshole would tell that to the newspaper?”
“His name is Todd. He’s a creepy boy in a couple of my classes. He was harassing me last night, and he... and he....”
“That’s okay Tracy. I think I can guess. He found out the truth the hard way, right?”
Tracy nodded.
“Okay. We will get through this, together. Why don’t you tell me your story?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It does to me. Please”
“All right. See, I always knew I wasn’t like other boys, but for a few years, that didn’t matter. At the time, my parents actually thought it was cute and funny to see me playing with dolls or dressing up in girl’s clothes. Which was good, because most kids didn’t want anything to do with me, and it had got to the point I only went out when i had to.
Then, my dad and mom started listening to preachers on the radio on Sunday nights. One Sunday, they were listening, and some preacher came on, and started calling down judgment on homosexuals and other “perverts”. I was playing ballerina that day, and my dad looked at me, and decided he had to ‘save’ me.
Needless to say, his treatments didn’t work. I grew more depressed, and eventually attempted suicide, and ended up in the hospital. Then I got my first break. The doctor who was treating me there also does gender counseling, and she helped me see myself as something other than a freak or a abomination. She got me away from my folks, helped me get the last of my schooling done, and called the dean of this college to get me admitted as a woman.
But its all over. Now, everyone knows, and the dean will have no choice but to expel me. Its over. I might as well just....die.”
“Listen! I do NOT want to hear that from you. You are a precious young woman, and I do not want to see you throw that away. We will fight any attempt to expel you. It is not over, not by a long shot. I have an idea, but before I try and make it work, I want your promise you will NOT harm yourself or do anything silly while I am gone.”
“I …. I promise. But I don’t understand. Except the doctor, and the dean, nobody has ever been on my side before. Why would you want to help someone like me?”
“Let me tell you a story. I had a friend once. We were not related, and we never went out on a date together, but we were as close as any pair of lovers, or any brother and sister. Then, one day, he came to me, and said he was really a girl inside. I am sorry to say, I freaked. I called him names, I told him I didn’t want to hear from him again, and I shut him out of my life. For six months I refused to have any contact with him, and then, I got the news that he had jumped off a bridge, and died.
I … I lost my best friend, and it was my fault. I started studying transgender issues, and learned as much as I could. I promised myself that if I ever had the chance to help someone else, I would not fail again.
Then, you came to the house, and even though you act all girl, there are a few hints that made me wonder, and finally I was pretty sure you were like my friend. I mean, how many girls don’t remember to bring tampons to college? But I decided I wouldn’t bring up the subject unless you did, so I wouldn't scare you off.
So you see, I am not repulsed. I am not really even surprised. And I want to help.”
“But.... what can we do?”
“Well... my idea was to contact David Patterson. If anybody could sway the students to your side, it would be him, and I know he would be sympathetic. And I do work on his campaign..”
“May...maybe. He does go to the gay and lesbian support group. But that doesn’t mean he can accept someone like me.”
“I think he will. Let me try, and remember, I have your promise.”
Tracy watched Mary leave, and fell back on to her bed. Despair and hope fought each other in her head. She hugged her pillow, and waited.
What felt like hours later, but was actually only a few minutes, Mary knocked on Tracy’s ajar door and pushed it open. “I just got off the phone with David,” she announced happily. “He’s already working on an anti-discrimination rally. He is going to start it at the student nominee representative speeches this afternoon. He’d like you to be there, if you can.”
“I’d rather not go to school right now.”
“I understand,” Mary smiled at Tracy. “But if you’d like to see it anyway, the school is streaming it live for the students who don’t want to be there in person. David suggested it this morning, after he read the paper. The dean loved the idea and the AV department was glad to set it up. I don’t think any of them know what he’s going to do, though.”
“Thank you, Mary.”
“Don’t thank me yet. Anyway, I’ve got to go to class until 1. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone, ok?”
Tracy promised she wouldn’t and told Mary she just planned to take a nice long bath and maybe call her old councilor. Mary agreed that a relaxing bath might be a good idea and bid her farewell for a few hours.
Tracy did just what she promised. Since James was the only one home, she asked if she could tie up the bathroom for an hour or two. He mumbled a “yeah, go ahead,” but was obviously refusing to look at her.
The bath was nice and warm. She added some Jasmine scented bubbles to the water to make it more relaxing. She closed her eyes and tried to calm down.
She was woken by an urgent knock on the bathroom door. “Tracy? Are you ok in there?” Mary’s worried voice called through the door.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I must have fallen asleep.” She climbed out of the bathtub and pulled out the drain stopper. “I’ll be right out.” She dried herself off quickly and dressed in a set of clean clothes she’d taken with her into the bathroom.
Mary was waiting for her when Tracy opened the door. Tracy saw Mary’s eyes flick to her wrists, which were unharmed, if a little waterlogged.
Mary breathed a sigh of relief. “I thought you’d gone and hurt yourself. James said you went in the bath a little after 10 and hadn’t made a sound since. That’s over 3 hours! I was worried about you...”
Tracy looked into Mary’s eyes. They were filled with a compassion she’d never seen before. Not even her wonderful councilor had cared about her the same way that Mary was caring about her now. She recalled brief moments she thought her parents cared about her, but those moments were overshadowed in her memory by their more recent disappointment and resentment of her.
“I’m fine, Mary. I just didn’t sleep well last night.”
Mary wrapped her arms around Tracy and pulled her into a tight hug. “Everything will be ok,” she promised.
“What time is it?” Tracy asked.
“1:20. Why?”
“Aren’t the speeches suppose to start at 1?”
“Right. Is your laptop on? I hope we didn’t miss David’s speech.”
“I turned it off before I got in the bath. It’ll only take a couple minutes to turn back on though.”
“No, it’s fine. My desktop is one in my room. We can watch it there.”
The girls made their way to Mary’s room. Mary shook the mouse and her computer screen obediently turned on. She already had Firefox open, so she just clicked on a bookmark to take her to the college’s homepage. Twenty seconds later, the video was streaming. Tracy reached over and changed the video to full screen.
It was still the vice presidential nominees speaking, so David had not been up yet. But he was soon. Tracy turned the volume down so that she and Mary could talk while they waited.
“How did you know her?” Tracy asked.
“Hmm?”
“Your friend. The one you told me about this morning.”
“His name was Marvin. I don’t know what he called himself as a girl. I wouldn’t let him tell me.”
“Why not?”
“I suppose I didn’t want to hear it. It would have made it real. At least if I didn’t know his name, I could pretend it didn’t exist,” she admitted. “I know it was stupid of me, but I was 17, and my best friend had just told me something that I’d always been taught was one of the most horrible things a person could do.”
“Oh,” Tracy sighed.
“My family was never religious, but we were pretty conservative. My father was retired Air Force, and my mother was from Mississippi. Not a very accepting couple. And I was raised to be just like them. I probably would be too, if it wasn’t for Marvin.”
“How did you find out she killed herself?”
“His parents contacted me. The said his suicide note specifically apologized to me, but it didn’t say what for. They wanted to find out. I didn’t tell them, but I knew what he was apologising for. It was for something shouldn’t have had to be sorry for. I’m the one who should have apologised, and now it’s too late.” Mary’s voice was shaking.
It was Tracy’s turn to hold Mary and calm her down. It took a few minutes for Mary to get control back and wipe away her tears. “I’m sorry,” she told Tracy.
“You’ve never done anything to me that you need to apologize for.”
Mary was about to argue when she noticed that David was stepping up to the microphone. She turned the volume back up so that the two of them could hear his speech.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for coming to hear our speeches this afternoon. I know we’re each supposed to give a speech on why we are the perfect person for the position we are running for, but I’d like to use my speech time for another message I think is important to get across.
Let me start over.
Ladies and Gentlemen. Funny words, aren’t they? I can look out across this crowd right now and guess which of you are the Ladies and which of you are the Gentlemen. But there are about three thousand of you in this building. There are at least six of you I would be wrong about.
The term is transgender. I’m sure you’re all familiar with the idea. Our own school newspaper graciously attacked a student for being transgender. You know the girl I’m talking about.
Tracy Morrison chose not to come today. Do you blame her? Would you want to come to school if the thing you hated most about yourself suddenly became public knowledge?”
He paused to let this sink in.
“Tracy was extremely brave. Braver than most people in this room. Definitely much braver than I am. She had the courage to try to be happy.
Many of you knew her, at least a little bit. You’ve seen her in your classes. You’ve talked to her in the halls. Can you honestly say she deserves what happened to her?
Would you have treated her that way if she were black? What about if she was disabled?
Don’t laugh! You know she’s been the butt of every joke made today.”
The room silenced at his harsh tone. Everybody in the room was attentive. Some held their eyes down in shame, others locked their gaze on David waiting for the next thing he’d say.
“I don’t care what the newspaper wrote about her. She’s not a ‘pervert.’ She’s not a ‘freak.’ She is an extraordinary young woman.”
He waited for somebody to make a smart ass remark, and he wasn’t disappointed. It was less than 10 seconds before a boy stood up in the fourth row back. “Girls don’t have dicks!”
His comment was met with whoops and hollers from a bunch of people in the audience.
“I was hoping you might say that, actually.” he said calmly into the microphone. “Annette Kaufman, please join me at the front of the room.”
A woman stood up and walked up to the stage. She was wearing her cheerleaders outfit and a scowl on her face. “Please tell everybody your story.”
Annette took the microphone from David. “My name is Annette, but most of you know that. You’ve voted me class president both last year and the year before. You voted me Most Beautiful in my freshman yearbook. I’m an officer in four different clubs on campus.”
She paused.
“But I haven’t always been called Annette. I started going by Annette in middle school. My parents moved across the country, just so I could do it. Before that, I want by Nathan.”
There was a collective gasp from the room.
“Surprised?” She asked. “I was lucky enough to undergo corrective surgery when I was only 18. Before I came to college. But I used to be just like Tracy. I used to have a ‘dick’ as you so bluntly called it.”
She handed the microphone back to David. “I’d like to call up somebody else you all know. She has a confession to make. Nancy Nobel, please come join me at the front of the room.”
Another girl stood up. She was in the front row already, so she didn’t have the uncomfortable walk that Annette had to deal with. David handed her the microphone.
“Until today, David was the only person in the world that knew what I’m about to tell you. He asked me if I was ready to come out to the world,” she told them. “I am ready to do whatever it takes to stop the hate. Like Tracy, I am also transgender. But I was born as a baby girl. I have wanted to be boy my entire life. And starting tomorrow, I am going to come to school as a man.”
An idea struck him suddenly. “In fact, we all come to school tomorrow in the other sex’s clothes. Show your support for ending discrimination. Show your support for Tracy! We could call it Opposite Day!”
Soon, more and more people were volunteering to come to school as the opposite sex. At first, it was mostly girls, but then after a couple of boys agreed, and the girls pressured their boyfriends, who eventually caved in. Finally, it seemed like virtually everyone at the rally had agreed to come to school as the opposite gender.
Tracy watched the broadcast with growing amazement, and for the first time in a long while, tears of joy streamed down her face. “I....I can’t believe it. All these people, and they are supporting.... me?”
“You deserve it Tracy. You going to come back to classes tomorrow?”
“Yes! With all these people behind me, I can tell Todd I am not afraid anymore. In fact, I think I will press charges for sexual assault against him.”
“Good for you! But there is one thing you need to do before class tomorrow”
“What is that?”
“Where are we going to find boy clothes for you to wear for opposite day?”
“You really see me as a woman, don’t you?”
“Of course.”
“Well, since I threw everything male away when I left my hometown, there is only one thing to do...”
“Shopping!” both girls said together, and laughed.
Shopping for men's clothes was surreal to Tracy. She could vividly remember the first time she ventured out in public dressed as a girl, trying to find some clothes with the little bit of money she had stashed away. She had been convinced that at any moment, someone would point her out and start a lynch mob. But no one paid her any mind at all, except store clerks, who called her “miss” without exception.
That experience gave her the courage to really make a go for it, and she had told the doctor on her next visit she was ready to start a real-life test. But her councilor had cautioned her about moving too fast, and in retrospect, she was grateful. This shopping trip, on the other hand, was full of giggles from Mary, and she found her laughter infectious.
The best moment was when they went into one store, and Mary told the clerk about Opposite Day, and asking him if he thought Tracy would pass as a boy. The clerk said “No way. She is way too pretty” Tracy left the store on cloud nine.
She thought, “Was it only this morning that I thought my life was over? How could so much change in such a short time?”
As they were leaving the mall, Tracy turned to Mary, and said “Wait. I can’t wear male clothes. I will fail my real-life test.”
“I don’t know how that works Tracy, but you must have someone you could ask. As far as I can see, there will be a lot of girls dressed as guys for the day, including me, so I can’t see how it would affect your status.”
‘Well, I could call the councilor and ask.”
“Good girl.”
They made their way back to the parking lot and climbed into Mary’s car. “Would you mind if I borrowed your cellphone? I forgot mine at home.”
“Sure. It’s in my purse, small pocket.”
Tracy found Mary’s cellphone and dialed the number she had memorized by heart. It rang twice before “Good afternoon. Dr. Corbet speaking.”
“Hey Dr. Corbet, it’s Tracy.”
“Well hey Tracy. How’s college?”
“It was okay, but something has come up. I got outed.”
“Oh no! Are you okay?”
“I am now. And I am getting some great support, including one of the most popular students organizing a ‘opposite day’ where everyone will be encouraged to spend the day dressed as the other gender.”
“Sounds like a very remarkable student.”
“He is. But I have a question. Can I go to the event dressed as a male, or will that cause me to fail my real-life test?”
“That depends. Can you tell me a little bit more about the event?”
“The boy asked all the students to come to school dressed as the other gender to show support for the transgender community in general, and for me in particular.”
“But you’ll still be interacting with people as a woman? You won’t be expected to be male?”
“No, it’s just wearing different clothes, that’s all. And I wont be the only one. For example, my friend Mary is here, and she just bought some male clothes for the event tomorrow. There are a few hundred girls who promised. And a few hundred boys promised to dress as girls too.”
“Then I don’t see why it would make you fail the test. You would still be a woman to society, just dressed as a boy for the day.”
“Thanks. I better go now, I’m using my roommate’s phone and I don’t want to burn all her minutes.”
“Good luck. and let me know how it goes.”
“I will, thank you. Bye Dr. Corbet.” She then hung up the phone, and passed it back to Mary.
Mary took the phone back, and for a moment, their hands touched. To Tracy, it was like getting a static shock, but one that was inside, not out. “No. Stop it Tracy. It’s your your imagination..”
They rode the rest of way back to the boarding house. Soon, it was suppertime, and all the housemates managed to gather together for a meal, which was rare considering their conflicting schedules.
James came over to Tracy, and said “I... I am sorry about how i acted this morning. I got invited to the rally by Nancy. When she made her announcement... well, I was shocked. but then, afterward, she told me about the hell she went through growing up. And.. I love her. She’s my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without her. I cant hate her because of her history. So I had to re-evaluate how I was treating you. And that’s why I am going to wear girl’s clothes tomorrow.”
Robert came over, and put his arms out, and said “can I give you hug? I imagine you have had a tough day.”
“Thank you.... thank you both”
Soon, the two boys were laughingly sharing the outfits they had cobbled together for tomorrow,
but Tracy thought Alice was still aloof.
Finally, Tracy went toward her room, and Mary walked with her. Mary gave Tracy’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze, Tracy was again struck at her own reaction to Mary’s touch. She blushed, and quickly went into her room, and closed the door behind her. She was practically trembling, completely unsure of what she was feeling, or why.
With that confusion, and with the anxiety over tomorrow, she found it difficult to sleep, but eventually she managed.
A College Outing, Part 3.
The next morning, she had a surreal experience putting on the boy’s jeans, sweatshirt, shoes, and ball cap she had gotten yesterday. She checked herself in the mirror to see what she looked like. She couldn’t help but stare at her reflection. She remembered back when she kind of thought she looked like a boy dressed like a girl, but now, there was no way she could be anything but a girl dressed as a boy.
Tracy’s body had reacted well to the hormones. She’d been taking them since she was 17. She’d convinced her mother that they were anti-depression pills to get her permission. Her mother hadn’t really payed her too much attention since she’d written Tracy off as a “pervert,” so she didn’t look into what medicines her doctor was prescribing.
There was a tap at Tracy’s door. “It’s open,” she called.
“Hmm, I could have sworn you were supposed to wear boy clothes today,” Mary commented. “But on you, even those clothes look designed for girls.”
Tracy smiled at Mary. “Good morning to you too. You look nice.”
Mary was sporting a blue flannel button up shirt and a pair of boy’s jeans. “Thanks. I’m just leaving for school. I’m gonna spend the day there because of opposite day. Want a ride?”
“Sure, I wasn’t really looking forward to driving by myself anyway. Let me grab a breakfast bar though.”
“We’re out. Alice took the last one on the way to school this morning. But we can stop by Denny’s and get breakfast. My treat.”
“Then I guess I’m ready to go.” She locked her room on the way out and followed Mary to the car.
The freeway was surprisingly fast for rush hour and they made it to their exit in only a few minutes. When Mary went to down-shift her car to get off the freeway, her hand instead found Tracy’s own hand which was laying on her lap. Tracy felt another spark shoot up her arm and her heart skipped a beat. Mary’s only visible reaction to the touch was to move her hand back to the gearshift. “Sorry about that.”
A few minutes later, they pulled into an open parking place in the Denny’s lot and went inside. “Party of 2? Sit anywhere you’d like girls.” The waiter gestured toward the seating area. Tracy chose a table near the back of the room and the waiter followed them with their menus. “You two are college students, right?”
“Yeah, why?”
“The manager’s giving 10% off to anybody who does Opposite Day today. About 5:30 a couple of boys came in. The waitress asked them why they were wearing dresses when they obviously weren’t girls. He explained about Opposite Day, and our manager loved the idea. He said that he’d do his own bit to help along anti-discrimination, so 10% off to any college student who is doing their part.”
Mary almost told them that Tracy was the one they were supporting, but stopped herself first. She realized that Tracy might not want to be outed to the restaurant as well as the college.
“So, can I get you something to drink?”
“Coffee for me please,” Tracy asked.
“Raspberry Tea for me,” Mary asked.
“Coming right up.” He handed them their menus and went off to get their drinks.
By the time the waiter made it back with their drinks, both girls had decided what they wanted. “I’ll just have some pancakes,” Tracy said.
“I’ll take the All American Slam,” Mary asked when the waiter turned to her.
The waiter took their menus and left.
“How many people do you think will do it?”
“Do what?”
“Opposite day.”
“I’m not really sure. I think a few thousand probably. There are 11,000 students at our school, so there’s bound to be lots of people on your side.
“But what if there aren’t?”
“Then we can either go home or stand strong alone. I’m with you one way or the other.”
“People were so upset,” Tracy’s eyes ears up. “Why would they change their minds in less than 24 hours?”
“James did, if you remember.”
“Yeah, but he’s different.”
“How is he different? He’s a normal college boy. The only difference is that he hasn’t drunken himself silly yet this semester.”
Tracy couldn’t help but laugh at that. Mary had a knack for making her feel better in the strangest ways.
The waiter returned with their orders.
“Enjoy your meals.”
“We will, thank you.”
Just before they took their first bites, James and Robert walked in. Mary tried to conceal a laugh but it came out as a snort. “Silly” was the only word Tracy could think of to describe how the boys looked. Robert was wearing a mini-dress and stockings and James was had gone all out. He was wearing over the top everything: makeup, sparkly dress, 2 inch heels, and hair included.
Mary’s giggle-snort caught their attention and they made their way over. Tracy slid over to allow them to sit down, but Mary hesitated.
“You guys look... nice,” Tracy said while trying to hold in her laughter.
“You really think so?” James asked, sitting down next to her.
“Oh most definitely,” Mary chimed in, finally scooting over for Robert.
The waiter followed them over with a couple more menus. They both declined the menu and ordered their usual.
“What brought you guys here?” Tracy asked the boys.
“Oh, we always come here. Once a week, every Thursday since we were both in high school.”
“Except two weeks ago, when he decided to take his girlfriend out for breakfast instead,” Robert pretended to complain.
The waiter brought the boys orders. “Enjoy.”
“You know, I just realized something. We kind of table crashed. Do you guys mind?” Robert asked.
“Actually, I was kind of hoping for a moment alone with Tracy,” Mary admitted before Tracy could tell the boys it was fine, which Mary knew she would.
Tracy’s mind went into overdrive. “Breakfast alone? Like a date? Don’t be silly, it’s just too friends having breakfast, that’s all. Right?”
“Oh, that’s fine. We’ll just move to another table.”
The boys picked up their plates and silverware and moved a few booths toward the entrance.
Tracy’s hands were shaking as she she ate her breakfast. Mary noticed, but attributed the nerves to the upcoming day rather than the current situation.
Soon their plates were empty and Mary went to pay the bill. Tracy slipped off to the washroom. She had a moment of hesitation where she wondered what people would do now that she was outed, but shrugged it off and went in the lady’s room anyway.
When she came out, Mary was waiting for her. “Ready to face the college?”
“Not really, but let’s go anyway.”
“I’ll at your side most of the day. I don’t have any classes on Thursdays. And when you you do have class, I’ll hang out at the cafe. You have my number.”
“Thank you, Mary.”
“What are girlfriends for?”
“Relax, Tracy! She just meant friends who are girls. She didn’t mean girlfriends.”
The girls climbed into Mary’s car and drove the short distance to the college. Tracy checked her cellphone’s clock. “I’m supposed to be in Trig in 10 minutes.”
“Supposed to?”
“Todd is in that class. I’m not really sure I want to deal with him today.”
“Then don’t. It wont hurt you to skip one class. But have you decided what you want to do about what he did?”
“I …. I don’t know. I could report him, but without witnesses, it would be his word against mine, and I am sure he will try and use my ‘perversion’ against me.”
“I will be with you either way. Skip that class today, and think about how you want to handle it though. I don't want you to have to fail the class because you can’t attend it.”
“O...okay. I will think about it.”
Mary parked her car and the girls climbed out. There were a few other students getting out of their cars. Tracy noticed that out of the three boys and other two girls in the parking lot, two of the boys and one of the girls were dressed as the opposite gender.
“Morning, Tracy,” the other girl said as she passed Mary’s car. “Sorry, I couldn’t find any boy clothes last night, but I still support you.”
“Thank you...” Tracy breathed.
“Can’t chat too long, gotta run off to Bio. See ya around.”
Tracy’s surge of hope was squashed as the boy who wasn’t dressed as a girl walked by. “Pervert,” he muttered just loud enough for her to hear.
“Ignore him,” Mary told her. He’s outnumbered five to one in this parking lot. People care about you and your right to be you.”
The girls made their way to the campus cafe, which seemed much busier than normal. But that was partially because of all the people who had gone all-out for opposite day.
“I can’t believe you’re dressed as a girl!” A loud male voice yelled in the far corner of the cafe. “I can’t believe you support that sissy boy!”
“Tracy is not a sissy boy. Tracy is a girl.” Another boy spoke loudly, but much less threatening. “And I support her. It’s because of idiots like you that people like her have to be so scared to be happy.”
“Are you some kind of sissy boy too?”
“Mark, you need to go away. We can talk later when you’ve calmed down.”
“Hey Tracy!” David broke Tracy’s attention on the two young men in the corner. “Look at today’s newspapers.”
He held out both the city’s newspaper and the college’s paper. The city’s paper talked about the opposite day event and applauded the students for coming together so quickly for a civil rights protest. The college’s paper printed an apology letter to Tracy herself.
“Look around, Tracy. 7 out of every 10 students I’ve seen today is cross-dressed today. And every single one of them is here to support your right to be a woman. And for the right of transgender people everywhere to be who they are.”
“I … I see. and it is … fantastic.”
“You deserve it. But I am late for class. Take care”
“You too, David. And thank you”
Mary and Tracy sat in silence for a minute. Tracy found herself sneaking peeks at her friend, and thinking, “She looks beautiful, even dressed as a boy.... Wait, why am I thinking that?”
Another minute passed, and then Mary said, “Tracy, I have to go use the bathroom. Will you be okay for a few minutes?”
“I’ll be fine,” she promised.
“I’ll be right back.”
Mary got up and headed for the bathrooms. The nearest ones were in the bookstore about 3 minutes away. Unfortunately Todd chose those few minutes to show up. He didn’t say anything, but he sat down at the table right next to Tracy and glowered at her.
Tracy stood up immediately and headed out the door. She bee-lined straight for the bathrooms, and the person she felt safest around. She made it about 50 feet away before Todd followed her out of the cafe. She didn’t turn around, but she felt him behind her.
She didn’t run, but she had a very brisk walk. She could almost feel his breath, and the memory of his attack was replaying in her mind. She made it to the bathroom, and slipped inside quickly. She had just taken a deep breath when she heard a familiar voice saying “What do you think you are doing in here?”
It was Alice.
(Co) Author's note: This is the conclusion of this story. Thanks to all who commented or left kudos. Who knows, maybe there will be a sequel.....
A College Outing, Part 4
"Alice? Listen, please, I am in trouble and there is someone out there who...”
Alice came closer, until she was almost on top of Tracy. The look in her eyes was cold.
“I asked you a question.”
“I don’t have time for your games, my life is in danger!”
“Good. Maybe most of the students are blind to what you doing, but I know. And you don’t belong in a woman’s bathroom”
“Why can’t she be in one? She is a woman, the same as you”
“Oh, thank you, God! Mary!” She rushed into the woman’s arms.
Mary held her, and said “I don’t care about your beliefs, Alice. You can think anything you like. But you don’t have the right to threaten another student. I suggest you go. And maybe you should find another place to live too.”
“Fine with me. Wouldn’t want to hang around ‘HIM’ anyway. Maybe its catching.”
“I couldn’t think of a better thing for someone like you to catch.”
Alice did not respond, but just left.
“Oh, Mary!”
“It is okay. I know her type. She won’t do anything but sneer.”
“It...it isn’t just her. Todd is out there. He must have skipped class when I didn’t show up. And he was right behind me when I came in here.”
‘We have to deal with him right now. I don’t want you having to look over your shoulder the rest of the semester. Just stand with me, and be as brave as I know you are.”
“Me, brave? I am terrified!”
“You, brave, yes. You endured a horrible childhood, and found the strength to come to school, and to start a transition. Yes, you felt fear, but you did it anyway, and that is real courage. Now, you can do this too.”
“I will … I will try. As long as you are with me.”
“Not going anywhere. Now, deep breath, and we deal with Todd.”
The two women stepped out, and Todd was right by the door. He jumped a bit when he realized that Tracy was not alone.
Mary walked up to him, and looked him in the eyes, and said, “Mr. Young. I understand you have been bothering this young lady. That you have been stalking her, and in fact, have attempted to rape her. When that failed, you tried to use her transgender status to get her expelled. Well, as you can see, it has failed, and she is not alone anymore. You now have a choice. You are going to face charges for your actions. But if you show some contrition now, it is possible they will be lenient to you.”
Todd stammered, “It...it is all HIS fault. HE led me on, made me attracted to him.”
Tracy stepped forward and said “I didn’t lead you on, Todd. I wanted to be kind to you, because I saw something in you that... well it reminded me of myself”
He backed up, and shouted “I … I am nothing like you! I … I can’t be, I won’t!” Something in him broke, and he slumped down, and started crying “I...I am not! I am not!”
Tracy looked down at him, and all fear of him was gone. Instead, she found the compassion she had felt for him at the beginning. She bent down, and put a hand on his shoulder.
“I... I forgive you. And I would like to help you.”
But Todd did not respond, and in fact did not seem to be able to see or hear her anymore. He was now rocking and sobbing, repeating “I’m not! I’m not!”
Tracy stood up, and turned to Mary, and said “What can we do?”
“There is an campus police phone right over there. Let them take him. Maybe he can get the help he needs. But I don’t think he is going to be a problem anymore”
“No, I can’t see that he will be either. And... I hope they can help him.”
“You are a kind woman Tracy. And a better human being than either him, or Alice, could ever hope to be.”
Tracy used the phone Mary pointed at to call the campus police. A few minutes later, two men got there to take Todd. They asked Mary and Tracy a few questions. Mary was glad to answer any questions that Tracy tried to sidestep. The officer thanked the girls and followed his partner.
“Thank you, Mary.”
“For what?”
“You stood up for me when I didn’t even have the strength to stand up for myself.”
“I understand that you’ve been put in a very stressful environment these last few days. You can’t blame yourself for not being 100%.”
“Tracy? Mary?” Nancy walked up to them.
“Hey, Nancy,” Mary greeted her.
“I don’t go by Nancy anymore. I go by Shawn. And I’ve been looking all over for you.”
“What for?”
“They want you at the rally.”
“What rally?”
“Just follow me. It’s at the football field. Thousands of students just poured in.”
Tracy followed Shawn with Mary in tow. Tracy didn’t even realize how hard she was holding onto Mary’s hand until they got to the football fields, where there were thousands of eyes on her. Mary started guiding her toward the front, to where David and the dean stood. David was wearing a rather pretty cheer leading outfit, and even the Dean was wearing a housedress. When she got close, the Dean smiled, and went to a microphone, and spoke:
“Ladies and Gentlemen. I am so proud of everyone here, of every student who chose to participate in this event. When I heard about what was happening to Tracy, I was outraged that someone would violate her privacy that way. I was debating what I could do when David asked to hold a rally to speak in support of her. I was very glad that a popular student wanted to step up and take this issue on. Then when the idea of Opposite Day was mentioned, I made sure that all the staff were to tolerate and even encourage it. Ladies and gentlemen, let me say again, I am proud of all of you. But today isn’t about me, so I would like to call Tracy to speak, if she will.”
Tracy was very nervous, but Mary nodded, and she went up to the mike and spoke, looking at Mary as she did. “I... I am so honored by all the support I have gotten today. Many of you may not have known what a transgender person is, much less known one personally, and yet you came out here to say that I had the right to attend this school. For those who may be watching who do not yet understand what this is like, let me try and explain. I was in pain, every second of every day I had to pretend I was male.
For you guys, imagine having your privates in a vice, and that might be the only pain that comes close. Before I came out, I had reached the point where I was laying in a hospital bed after a suicide attempt, and I was just waiting to die. But someone understood me, accepted me, and helped me let out my true self.
Then, when someone tried to assault me, and found out the truth, I thought i was going to be rejected, driven away, again. I was at the lowest point since the day I laid in that hospital bed. But once again, people helped me, accepted me, and made my case for me, so that all of you would want to stand with me.
I cannot stress how important that acceptance is for people like me. Many people who are like me spend most of their lives hating themselves, hating how they feel, accepting hate from others as no more than what they are due. And the hate they receive feeds that self-hate, and the self-hate feeds the hate of others, and around and around the cycle of hatred goes. Today, I have witnessed where that self-hate can lead, as my own attacker is now locked in a cycle of pain within his own mind, and may never get out.
But acceptance and understanding breaks the cycle. It allows a person to breathe, to see past their self-hate, to see themselves as worthy and wonderful creations. Today, with the help of a wonderful friend, I have seen what difference just a touch of belief in myself can make when facing hate. I have found strength, all because someone took the time to see past hatred, to see me as worth knowing. And I am not the only one, at this school, there are others who were like me now coming forward to live truly.
But the situation we faced at this school is far from unique. Around the country, and everywhere in the world, people like us are fighting for the right to simply be themselves, without fear. We can do something about that, just like we have done something about it here. We can lobby for better protections in law. We can work with groups around the country, and around the world. We can spread a message of acceptance from this school to every one who is like me.
We can change the world, together.
I.... I thank you all.”
The crowd erupted with applause.
She stepped back, blushing, and David stepped forward, and said “Well, after a speech like that, I am glad Tracy isn’t running against me for student President.”
The crowd laughed.
“I just want to add my thanks to everyone who took the time and showed the courage to come out today, and especially for those who came dressed up as the opposite gender. I rather hope we can make Opposite Day an annual tradition here, so we never forget the lessons we have learned from this. Thank you all for coming.”
Mary reached for Tracy’s hand. “Come on, let’s go home.”
Tracy took Mary’s hand in a daze. She wasn’t sure she could really believe what had just happened. Not only had she put aside an extreme phobia of public speaking, she had done so to a crowd of thousands of people who actually wanted to hear what she said. She didn’t notice when Mary helped her into the car, or when she climbed out of it at home. She was running the amazing day in her head over and over.
When she finally pulled herself back to reality, she was standing in the living room of the house with Mary. “Well, it’s official. Alice left. I just peaked in to ask if she’d had a change of attitude and her stuff is gone.”
“I am sorry she left”
“It was her choice. If she wants to have a closed mind and a hard heart, she can do it somewhere else. Think of it this way, one less person to hog the bathroom.” Mary grinned at Tracy who couldn’t help but giggle. “Now I’ve just got to wait for you, since lord knows the boys don’t spend enough time in there getting all pretty.”
She paused for a moment, then in a much more serious tone, “Can I talk to you, Tracy?”
Tracy sat down on the couch and looked up at Mary. “Of course you can. You can talk to me about anything.”
Mary walked over and sat on the couch next to Tracy. “I’m very confused right now.”
“What’s confusing you?”
“I want to do something, but the person who makes me want to do it might not feel the same way.”
“What is it that you want to do?”
Mary lifted her hand and placed it on Tracy’s cheek. “This..” she whispered.
Tracy melted as Mary’s lips touched hers. It was a feeling unlike any she’d ever felt, and even more amazing than the occasional touches they had shared. When Mary finally pulled away and looked Tracy in the eyes, it took Tracy a second to be able to speak. “I was confused too, but I don’t think I’m confused anymore.”
“Good.”
That was the beginning of the rest of their lives....
Shared.
Together.