Funny Business — Chapter 1, A New Assignment
By
Samantha Michelle Davies

[Authors Note]
This is the first part of a multi-part story. The TG part won't become clear until much later so please bear with me on this. It does become a key part to the story.
This was also the first large piece I've ever written where the ending was totally clear in my mind before I started writing a word. I have to say that it was a little unnerving at times. Twisting the plot lines through many loops was not easy.
[End Note]

“How was Paris last week? One party after another?” asked the Editor with a wry smile on his face.
“Tough. No parties for us hacks. Just one show after another and then straight back here. I’m still a bit jet lagged. Otherwise, the shows were pretty good. Sam got a lot of good piccies. I reviewed most of them on the plane”, said the plainly dressed ‘thirty something’ sitting opposite him in his office.
“Great. From your copy, I think we have enough for next months issue”
“Thanks Boss”

He paused for a few moments.
“Did you get that apartment on the East Side you were after?”
“Nah. Apparently I failed the residents test. Something about my background didn’t fit their utterly snobbish requirements”
“What are you going to do then?”
“I think I have managed to find a small loft in the East Village for 6 months. It was a lot easier to get decent digs in London. Here, with all these conditions, tenants approvals and the like, it is almost worth buying something and commuting in from the burbs”
“I know what you mean. That house on Long Island I told you about is still up for sale you know?”
She laughed.
“Thanks Boss but I don’t think living next to my boss is going to please Gloria”
He laughed.
“Frankly Liz, it would probably stop my beloved Gloria from thinking that I’m dating every bit of skirt, if you would pardon my English, in the place”
They both laughed. He knew why nothing would ever come between them.
“Thanks for the confidence Jake. It is much appreciated”
She paused.
“Anyway, you didn’t get me in here straight off a trans-Atlantic flight just to pass the time of day? Or did you?”
“You never have much time for idle gossip do you Liz?”
They both smiled at each other. Liz was just about the only journalist on his staff he could trust to do any job he dished out without complaint.

“I have a nice little project for you. Probably another trip over the pond I’m afraid”
Liz smiled.
“The downside is that you are going to have to work with someone else on this.”
“Who?”
“Charles Everett”
“Who? Is he new?”
“No, he not new. He’s one of our lawyers. You’ll find him on the 6th floor”
“Why? If you don’t mind my asking?”

Jake passed her a thick folder.
“Take this home and read it. It could be absolute dynamite. Pulitzer stuff. Put it in your safe or sleep with it under your pillow just don’t let it out of your sight. Take a few days to fully read it. Then call Charles. He has already been fully briefed. In there are details of where you will be working”
“Working? Why not here?”
“Because Liz, this place has ears not only in the walls, in the floor and everywhere. I want to dedicate a complete issue to this story. The plan is to put out a complete issue with hardly any advertising. And those that we carry will be the ones who can’t have any side effects from the fall out from this story”
Liz was suddenly all ears.
“Jake, why me? There are plenty of other hack’s who could do this”
“Yes there are. But they are too well known and besides, we both know that none of them would have the integrity to keep this a secret until it hits the streets”
This worried Liz. A sense of impending doom fell over her for a brief second.

“Jake, you know the last thing I want is publicity. If it is Pulitzer material then the ‘paps’ will be camped outside my home day & night.”
“Yeah. I know all that. That is why this is going out under my by-line. The board were unhappy with that but you will find a contract at the back of that folder. The board has already approved the whole project. Only a few, and I mean a few will know it is yours. The board have authorised a substantial bonus if you pull this off. If this really is Pulitzer material and it gets shortlisted, then the committee will be told who the real authors are but need to protect their identity. It has been done before so there is precedent”

Liz chuckled.
“Gloria would love the limelight. All those flash guns going off would reminder her of her former career”
Jake laughed.
“Yes she would love being in the limelight again.”

Liz looked at her boss for quite a long time.
“Ok Jake. I’ll take this home and read it. I’ll come in tomorrow ant let me know what I think”
Jake looked serious.
“Sorry Liz. From now on, and until the edition hits the streets, you are not to come in here. You are officially on a Sabbatical. Charles will fill you in on all the legal bits”

Jake opened a desk drawer.
He pulled out a mobile phone and handed it to Liz.
“Use this to call me to arrange a meeting. Somewhere a long way from here especially where no other co-workers might see us meeting”
“This is like a James Bond story. Is this really needed?”
“Fraid so. Look read the file, read the contract and then call me”

Liz yawned.
“Sorry, my body thinks it is Midnight. Ok. I’ll read this and see what it says”
Jake smiled.
“Good girl. I knew I could rely on you”
“Thanks Boss”
“Oh, I forgot. You can tell Louise that Karen will be taking over your column on a temporary basis until you return”
Suddenly, Liz’s tiredness evaporated.
“Oh goody. She’ll just love that”
“I thought you would be pleased,” replied Jake as she stood up.
Liz was grinning like a Cheshire cat as she picked up the file and the mobile phone and left his office.

She went to her ‘cubicle’ and started packing her things.
“Hey Liz. What’s up?” said a face appearing over the partition.
“Hi Louise”
“I saw you in Jake’s office”
“Yeah.”
Liz was trying to think on her feet.
“I gave him my report from Paris. Now I’m out of here”
“What he fired you? Are you leaving?” asked Louise hoping that she would get a promotion.
Liz smiled sweetly.
Louise was the source of many rumours in the office. She was also suspected of leaking certain stories to other publications.
“No. I’m taking a Sabbatical. I need to tidy up some stuff in England. My Mother is getting a bit forgetful these days.”
“How long will you be gone?
“I’m not sure. Several months I’d expect. I’ve got to find her a residential home, sell her house and all that guff. I don’t want to leave it to others to go through her things”
Liz looked at Louise hoping that the blatant lies she had just spurted were believed.
“I’m sorry to hear it. I hope everything goes well”
Liz smiled.
“Karen Sabatini will be taking over from me”
Louise’s face dropped.
“Oh shit.”
“Yeah bummer eh? I know that the two of you don’t get on”
“That is rather an understatement”

Louise had been trying to take over her part of the magazine for some time.
“Just don’t let her get her feet too firmly planted in my chair. Comprenez-vous?”
Reluctantly, Louise replied.
“Ok. I get it”
“Just do your best and perhaps Jake will give you the outdoor pages”
“Gee whizz thanks Liz. Thanks for nothing”
“That’s where I started remember”
“So you keep reminding me”
Liz smiled.
“Just think of all those babes in Swimsuits in the Florida Sun. Doesn’t that interest you?”
Louise was by all accounts a closet lesbian.
Louise glared at Liz.

By now Liz had packed her meagre belongings into a cardboard box and was ready to leave.
“Right that’s it. I’m off home to get some sleep”
With her head held high, Liz turned on her heels and left Louise to start the office rumour mill running.

[Continued in Part 2]
This story was originally published on my own blog last year. I've made a few edits to the story to correct my own silliness.

Funny Business — Chapter 2 Team Building
By
Samantha Michelle Davies

It took Liz two days to recover from her European trip and start reading the file that Jake had given her. Once she started, she couldn’t put it down. By the end of the day she’d read it at least twice from end to end.

At first, she couldn’t believe what she was reading. Gradually the evidence started to make sense. Jake was right, this thing was going to be huge. Now it started to make sense that she would be working with a Lawyer on this story. The legal ramifications were obvious. Get it wrong and the magazine would definitely be sued into oblivion.

For a while, a whole air of depression fell over Liz. The responsibility that Jake had given her was huge.

She called Jake.

“Hi Jake”

“Yes I have read it. Several times. You were right. This is enormous”

“Why me? Out of all the hack’s on the payroll, you chose me?”

“Because I’m English? That is no reason at all. Come on, give it to me straight”

Liz listened intently for nearly a minute.

“Thanks Jake. That was nice to hear.”

“No I haven’t called Charles yet. He’s next on my list”

Liz laughed.

“Yes. She was still in the office when I left. What’s the gossip then”

“Really! So everyone thinks I was caught in bed in Paris with the husband of some as yet unnamed designer. That is a good one. She really must not like me at all”

“No. Don’t say anything Jake. That way it will become the ‘truth’. How is she getting on with Karen?”

“That’s good to hear. Any sign of her giving in?”

“That’s a pity. Perhaps over time”

“Ok Jake. I’ll call again next week when Charles & I have had a chance to do some planning”

Liz hung the phone up with a smile on her face.

She muttered to herself.

“Just you wait Louise. Two can play at that game you know”

Liz then called Charles.

“Hello Charles. This is Liz Fuller. I gather you have been expecting my call”

“Yes. I have. I’ve just spoken to Jake. When can we meet?”

“Tomorrow. Sounds fine”

“Yes. I know where it is. The details are in the file. Say around 10:00am?”

“Fine. See you then”

She was just about to hang up. Then she remembered her brief trips down to the 6th Floor. Everyone, including the women clerks wore formal business suits. Two-piece for the women, three piece for the men.

“Charles, you don’t need to wear a business suit. We aren’t in the Office are we?”

“Yep. Ok. See you tomorrow”

She hung up with more than a few iron clad butterflies rampaging around in her stomach. The enormity of the task ahead was starting to sink in.

*

That night Liz lay in the bath at her soon to be ex apartment that night wondering about the future. The assignment she was just about to embark upon would be risky. She decided just as the water was getting cold, that she would go through with it some what may.

The following morning, Liz set out for their meeting place. It was going to be more than a meeting place. It was their office for the duration.

She was headed for a set of Serviced Office Suites on Long Island. By the time she’d changed twice on the Subway and taken the LIRR and then a bus, she realised that her dream of a part share in a loft in the East Village was just not practical.

Liz pledged to find somewhere more local to live as soon as possible.

She stood outside the Suite listening to the roar of traffic on the Long Island Expressway thundering by behind her and smiled at Jake. The place was certainly off the beaten track all right. None of the ‘crew’ at the magazine would be seen dead in this neighbourhood.

Just then, a car came screeching into the car park and just avoided running her down. A guy got out and smiled at her.

“Liz?”

“Yes. You must be Charles”

Liz looked at Charles. He looked a little bit older than her, quite good-looking and not much taller than her. His face was tanned and by the colour of his hair, it was a proper sun tan and not out of a bottle or a salon. He was dressed in a Blue button down shirt and black trousers. Obviously hand stitched loafers adorned his feet. With the clothes and the $80,000 Porsche convertible he was driving, he reeked of Money.

“That’s me I’m afraid. Sorry for that close shave. I thought I was late”

“That’s ok, I’ve only just got here. Not an easy journey for me”

He smiled.

“Live in the City eh?”

“Yeah. Upper Uptown”

“Ok. I live the other way. Out on the beach”

That confirmed that he was loaded.

“Shall we go in side?” she asked.

“Yeah. It is a bit noisy out here”

They went inside the building. Charles unlocked the Suite that was to be their office for the foreseeable future.

“Not a lot here at the moment. Just a few desks and chairs and stuff” he commented.

“Do we have phones and the Internet?”

“Yeah. Well, the agent said they would be working by first thing today”

“Well, lets get setup and then we can review what’s what and plan who does what” suggested Liz.

“Good Idea. Shall I go and get the Coffee in? I have a machine that I’ll bring in tomorrow”

Liz smiled.

“That will be great. Which desk do you want?”

Charles who was already halfway out the door said in reply,

“You choose yours and I’ll fit in with you”

Then he was gone.

After about a millisecond of deliberation, Liz chose her desk. It was the one nearest the Window with a southerly aspect. She opened the blinds to reveal the Expressway and all its traffic. She closed them to hide some of the road noise and its accompanying visual distraction.

She re-arranged the desk so that the light would be coming at her from her left. This left her with a view the rest of the office. Not that there was much to see at the moment. It was just a single room with a tiny kitchen area and a separate toilet. The remaining furniture consisted of two more desks, three chairs and two filing cabinets plus a pin board on the wall.

There was a phone on each desk. None of the phones were currently working.

A data cable snaked across the floor from an outlet in the wall.

The relative silence was very different from the routine hubbub of the magazine editorial office where she’d worked for the past 4 years since she had moved to New York from London.

Her daydreaming was cut short by the return of Charles carrying two large coffee cups and a bag.

“I got some donuts as well”

Liz laughed.

“What so funny?”

“You obviously work in a men only office”

He looked surprised.

“Donuts and women’s waistlines don’t mix”

He saw what she meant.

“Sorry. I didn’t think”

Liz held out her hand.

“Give me one and we’ll say no more of it,” said Liz smiling.

He’d made a good impression on her already. She thought that despite his apparent wealth, he seemed pretty down to earth. Not like some of the prima-donnas of the fashion world. Some of their egos were as big as mountains.

Charles selected one of the two remaining desks and sat down to eat a sugar coated donut.

“How come they selected you for this gig?” asked Liz between mouthfuls.

“Not a clue. There I was looking over a whole sheaf of model releases from a shoot for next month’s edition when the Managing Editor called me up to the 8th floor. Before I knew it, she’d stuffed this folder in my hand and said ‘read it and tell me how much trouble we would be in if we published it tomorrow’”

He took another bite of donut.

“I hardly had a chance to get a word in. I took the folder home that night. Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep that night”

Charles paused and removed a yellow legal pad from his briefcase.

“I filled up nearly half of one of these with legal argument as to why we should never ever publish this”

What happened then?” asked Liz.

“I took it back to the honourable Ms Estelle Krantz and told her my findings”

“Then she laughed in your face and said ‘publish and be dammed’?” suggested Liz.

“Not quite. She said ‘prove to me that what is in the file is true. Get me proof goddammit’. I’ll get Jake to get you some help”

“So here we are. The Sacrificial Lambs”

“You got it in one”.

They both laughed.

Liz brought them down to earth with a bump.

“So why all the subterfuge? I’m apparently on a sabbatical”

“Me too”

“Won’t it be suspicious that the two of us are on so called sabbatical’s?”

“How much interaction do you on the 7th floor have with us legal eagles?”

“Not a lot in my experience.”

“Then there’s your answer. As long as we aren’t seen holding hands and walking down Broadway or 5th Avenue the gossips should stay silent.”

Liz laughed.

“The gossips are already in full swing”

“What are you supposed to be doing?”

Liz giggled.

“I’m supposed to have been caught in bed with the husband of a Paris Fashion House Designer. You?”

“My childhood sweetheart has appeared on the scene with my ‘love child’”

They both laughed.

“I guess we should get down to work” suggested a slightly reluctant Liz.

“I suppose so,” said Charles.

“Do you have any thought where we should start?” asked Liz

Charles looked at his notes.

“There are two things we need. Firstly, factual evidence of the allegations. Then and this is where you come in, depositions from the original designers”

“That won’t be enough,” said Charles in a matter of fact way.

“Why?”

“To make it stick, they need to be caught in the act”

“That is a tall order. How do you propose to do that?”

“I don’t know. Caught in the act proof is the ‘slam dunk’. Otherwise, it is all just allegations and peoples memories”

Liz smiled.

“I’m sure that between us we can think of something but in the meantime, where do we start?”

“You obviously have a lot of research to do. That will feed into my work”

He smiled.

“I guess this is where I really learn what the fashion business is all about at the sharp end”

Liz looked at Charles.

“Charles, how…”

“Charles is so formal. I’d prefer Charlie if that is ok with you. It is really only my mother who insists on calling me Charles”

“Ok, Charlie it is”

Liz thought for a few moments.

Charlie, how much do you know and I mean really know about the fashion business?”

“I’m not sure what you mean?”

Liz thought again.

“Let me try this a different way.”

She took a sip of coffee.

“Charlie, how many times have you bought… you know fancy items such as underwear for your wife?”

Charlie went red in the face.

“I’m not married. Well, at least not anymore”

He looked embarrassed.

“When I was, Jacqueline would not have really appreciated me buying anything remotely risqué for her”

Liz laughed.

“Was she, forgive me for asking a little ‘uptight’”

Charlie smiled.

“Yes. Yes she was not that you ask”

“Was she from a ‘well to do family’ and went to finishing school in Switzerland?”

“Yes. How did you know?”

“Charlie, the internet is a wonderful thing. I ‘Googled’ you. I found out about your marriage and that it lasted only two years before she divorced you”

She held up her hand.

“I won’t ask why but from what I could find out about the former Mrs Charles Everett VI, is that she was a stuck up bitch. Who wouldn’t know that she was onto a good thing if it hit her in the face with a bit of wet fish”

It took Charlie a few seconds for that Liz had said to sink in.

Then he burst out laughing.

“You Brits sure have a good way with words. It must be all that Shakespeare you learn in school. Yes she was as you say, a ‘stuck up bitch’”

“Why did it end?”

Charlie shook his head.

“She thought I was going to be some hotshot trial lawyer. One that would have a house in the Hamptons, country Club membership and a beachfront vacation house on Maui or on Martha’s Vineyard”

“So you failed on all accounts?”

“Nearly. I inherited a house in the Hamptons from my Grandfather so that is one tick in the box. But I’m not really cut out to be a trial lawyer. To be honest with you, I only went into the law because my parents put my name down for Harvard Law School the day I was born and that my Father and his Father before him were Lawyers.”

“But you graduated, magna cum laude”

“My, you have done your homework haven’t you”?

“A little. I like to know a bit about who I’m working with if possible”

“More than a little I think”

“Possibly” said Liz with a little smile on her face.

She was thinking that Charlie was definitely not as stuck up as his ‘bio’ seemed to indicate.

There was a pregnant pause in their conversation.

“Well Liz, you have had the potted history of my life. What would I find if I ‘Googled’ you? What bits of embarrassing history would I discover?”
Liz forced a smile onto her face.

“Not a lot. Probably nothing. I’m nowhere near your class or breeding. I probably would even get in the tradesman’s entrance at your house”

Charlie laughed.

“I think I’m going to like working with you Liz. You have such a wonderful sense of irony”

“Eh?”

“How typical of you English. Always doing yourself down”

Liz smiled.

“No Charlie. You are wrong. We are able to laugh at ourselves simply because we don’t take ourselves too seriously. Perhaps when you have ruled a good chunk of the civilised world for more than two hundred years and then given it up mostly on good terms, you Yanks might just be able to do the same”

“Oh touchy are we?”

“Not in the slightest Charlie. There is something called humility. We don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Back home, I see it as the difference between old money and new money. Back home the Lord of the Manor who is ‘old money’ would often be down the pub enjoying a pint with the people who work for him. If the lord was ‘new money’, there is not a chance in hell that he’d do that. He’d be at home with all sorts of security keeping the riff-raff well away from them”

“Ok. I get your point”

“My guess is that your family is what I’d call ‘new money’. Hence you married someone who wanted you to live above your station. Above what you wanted. My guess is that your Mother almost arranged your marriage for you. She’s from a ‘good’ family and all that? Has her charities and fund raisers to keep her occupied while your father is in the City earning a crust?”

Charles laughed.

“Yes she did and yes she has her charities. Google again?”

Liz nodded.

“Well then, need I say more?”

He shook his head. Liz continued with her ‘character dissection’.

“You could well be the transition generation from ‘new’ to ‘old’ money. From what I’ve seen so far, you aren’t driven by the need to increase your fortune but want to do more what you want than what is expected of you”

“Wow Liz. Are you sure you shouldn’t be a shrink charging $300 an hour. You have totally dissected me in 5 minutes flat. My life is pretty well laid bare in front of you”

Liz laughed.

“There is a lot more you have to tell Dr Elizabeth Fuller. Lots more.” Joked Liz

“Howver, you didn’t tell me anything about you. You neatly changed the subject”

Liz grinned.

“There are a few things that a girl has to keep to herself”

Charlie grumbled.

“Ok back to work”

“Indeed”

*

It was mid afternoon and Charlie had just returned with another load of Coffee when Liz asked.

“How far away do you live from here?”

“About an hour if the Expressway is clear why?”

Liz looked a bit disappointed.

“I need to find somewhere to live. I’m about to be kicked out of my apartment as the lease is up. I was going to move to the East Village but they seems a might impractical for commuting here”

Charlie thought for a few moments.

“Do you drive?”

“I have a license but living in the city I’ve never needed a car”

“Out here, you pretty well need one to do just about anything”

“I guess I need a car then. I’ve never owned one before”

“Wow, you are full of surprises”

Liz smiled.

“Yep. That’s me. I’ve been here 6 years now and apart from getting my license, I’ve never driven here. I did have a car back home though”

“You call England ‘back home’. Isn’t this your home now? After 6 years over here?”

Liz chuckled.

“Jake keeps asking when I’m going to take the oath of allegiance and become an American Citizen. I just don’t know. I suppose until I do decide to stay here and take the oath, I might always go back home.”

“What is there back there?”

“Not a lot. Both of my parents are dead. They died before I came over here.”

Liz decided to change the subject.

“This isn’t finding me a car or a place to live. If I don’t do something by the end of next week, I’ll not only be carless but homeless”

Charles finished his Coffee and said.

“Well then what are we waiting for. Lets get you a place to live”

“Hold on a moment Charles. I can’t ask you to do this”

“Rubbish. As you said, this job is not going to be done in a few days or even weeks. I can’t have you sleeping on someone’s floor can we?”

Liz looked sad.

“There is someone who can put you up short term isn’t there?”

Liz shook her head.

“I’ve sponged off an awful lot of people in the past. I don’t think I can ask them again”

“Then that is all the more reason for us to get you somewhere half decent to live.”

“What about references and all that crap”

He laughed.

“You mean things like the residents vetting prospective new tennants?”

She nodded her head.

“Why would you need to be vetted if you were renting a house? Or even buying one?”

“That’s true. I’m not sure how much I can afford though”

“How much do you make if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Just under 50K”

“That should be enough to rent you a half decent place. Not too far away”

Liz didn’t say much.

“Come on, get your coat and we’ll go looking”

“What about all this stuff? We can’t really leave it here can we?”

Said Liz pointing at the papers that were strewn over the desks.

Charlie sat yhinking for a moment.

Then he smiled.

“Let me make a phone call. I have an idea”

“Wha..”

Charlie raised his hand to stop her. He pulled out his phone with the other and selected a speed dial number.

A few seconds later, he said.

“Hi Sheila. It’s Charles”

“Yes I’m fine. You?”

“Great. I have a question for you”

“The company has rented an Office Suite just of the Long Island Expressway. Can you find out what the rental charge is and how long the lease is for?”

“You will. Great. Speak soon. Bye”

He closed up his phone and smiled at Liz.

She went to say something.

“Don’t say anything. Lets wait for my former Secretary to call back”

“Does she know what you are doing?”

He smiled.

“Yes. She’s my cousin so she won’t be gossiping anytime soon”

Liz felt very relieved.

There was an uneasy silence between them for what seemed an eternity. After nearly 10 minutes, Charlie’s phone bleeped.

“Hi Sheila. Did you get the answer?”

“Yes got that.” He replied a few times as he made notes about the information that was being related to him.

“How long is the lease?”

“Ah ok. I understand. Well, in the interests of economy, I’d suggest you cancel it. Forthwith. I’ll email you details of the new place where we will be based”

He closed up his phone and grinned at Liz.

“This dump is costing almost $2500 a month.”

“That seems a lot. Is that why you told her to cancel it?”

He nodded. Then he smiled.

“Come on, we are out of here. Get everything. We aren’t coming back”

Dumbfounded, Liz said

“But… But where are we going?”

“Liz, we are going to get you a place to live and us a place to work”

“Eh?”

He held out his hand

“Come on. Don’t dawdle. I’ll tell you about it in the car”

“Where are we going?”

“Hicksville”

“Hicksville? You mean to say that there is somewhere here called Hicksville?” she said in amazement.

“Named after a man called Hicks apparently”

She shook her head and let him lead her to his car.

“Stay here while I clean up inside” she said smiling at her when she was sitting in the Porsche.

Three minutes later, he was back with a black plastic rubbish bag and the all-important documents relating to their job.

“We can’t leave these behind can we”?

Liz shook her head.

“What’s in the sack?”

“Coffee Cups and donut boxes”

“Why?”

“Because the rental company will charge us a whole weeks rent to clean the place. Now, I can say that we arrived and found that it wasn’t suitable. Then the company will only pay for the day. Quite why the place was rented by the day is beyond me but it turns out lucky for you that is was”

“Charles! Stop right there. Would you please explain to me what the fuck is going on?”

He stopped abruptly.

“I’m sorry Liz. I let my enthusiasm get away from me. I tend to do that from time to time”

She smiled back.

“It’s ok. But I’d really like to know what devious plan you have for me inside your head?”

He looked at her with a straight face and said

“I thought that if we could find you somewhere to live that was big enough for you as well as a place where we could work on this together then we’d kill three birds with one stone”

“Three birds? I don’t quite follow?”

“Firstly, you will have somewhere half decent to live. Secondly, we’d have somewhere to work and thirdly, the place would be more secure than this place”

Liz laughed.

“There is a fourth you know”

A fourth? What is it?”

“You get to visit me in my home every day”

Charlie went beetroot red in the face.

Liz took pity on him.

She took his hand.

“I’m only joking Charlie. You are a perfect Gentleman so why wouldn’t I like a visit from someone like you?”

He looked relieved.

Liz added.

“Just don’t go running off on crazy ideas like that again without telling me. Promise?”

“Yeah. Sorry. I promise”

Liz smiled at him.

“Good. Then drive on Macduff”

“Eh?”

“It’s a Scottish saying”

Still shaking his head Charlie drove the two of the out of the parking lot and headed for the dormitory town of Hicksville.

They soon found a couple or realtors and obtained details of places for Liz to rent. Then they adjourned to a Diner to go over the options.

“You know that I don’t have any furniture,” said Liz slightly off-handedly.

“Oh?”

“Everywhere I’ve ever rented has been furnished. These look like they are all unfurnished”

“I’ve plenty of stuff you could have”

“I don’t want charity you know”, protested Liz.

Charlie looked more than a bit hurt.

“Look Liz, my place on the beach has 8 bedrooms. How many can I use? One. The rest are just gathering dust. The Maid comes in once a week but I don’t think she ever cleans the unused bedrooms”.

“You have a Maid?”

“Well, just a domestic cleaning company really”

Liz was still unhappy.

Charlie smiled.

“Think of it as a loan. Just while we are working together ok?”

Liz thought for a long second.

“Ok. Just a loan.”

“Great. Lets go”

“Go where?”

“Southampton”

“May I ask why?”

“Because it is a better area and it’s closer to my place”

“How close exactly?”

“5 to 10 miles”

“How far are we from Manhattan?”

“Two hours at this time of day”

“Then we had better get going. I’ve got to go back there tonight. I have my soon to be vacated apartment waiting for me.”

Charlie was about to say something in reply but stopped himself just in time.

Charlie drove them out towards the eastern end of Long Island on the Expressway. When that petered out, he carried on. It began to get dark and still they went on.

“How far have we to go?” asked Liz slightly concerned.

“Nearly there. Next exit”

Charlie turned off Route 27 and into the town of Southampton. He pulled up a strip mall where there were a couple of Realtors.

“Lets go. Let me do the talking ok”

“Why?”

“I’m more of a local than you. I’m also a lawyer. They won’t try to stiff me. They might try to do that to you when they hear your English accent”

Liz didn’t say anything. He was clearly enjoying being in charge.

They went into the first office.

“Hi, my fiancée & I would like to look at properties for rental locally”

Liz looked at him sternly. Then she saw him give her a little wink with his eye.

“How many beds & baths were you considering?” asked the agent.

“Three & three as a minimum”

“Just a moment. I’ll get some flyers or some suitable properties”

The agent returned with a selection of details.

“Thanks. We’ll take these and review them,” said Charlie as he gave them a cursory glance.

The same performance was repeated in the other office.

Once back in the car, Liz said,

“I almost had a heart attack when you said Fiancée”

“Sorry. It came to me as we walked into the office”

“The problem is Charlie that I don’t have a ring on my finger. It is those little details that can catch you out. We women notice these little things. It was lucky that we were served by men in both realtors.”

“Shit! Sorry for that Liz. I’ll try not to put my foot into my mouth again”

Liz smiled.

“Don’t worry Charlie. You’re forgiven. Lets look at the flyers”

Some 20 minutes later, they’d selected four places to view. They went back into the first office.

“We’d like to view these three properties if possible?” Charlie said to the agent.

The agent took the flyers.

“I’m afraid that I can’t arrange anything until tomorrow at the earliest”

Charlie looked a bit disappointed.

“Nothing sooner? My fiancée has to return to Manhattan tonight”

“I’m afraid not”

“Ok. Can you arrange them for tomorrow then”

They gave their details to the agent and then left the office and went to the one next door.

“We have reviewed the details you gave us. We’d like to view this property if possible”

Charlie gave the agent the flyer.

“Oh yes. I can do that in say half an hour. I just need to wait for my colleague to return from a viewing”

“That’s fine. Shall we meet you there?”

“Yes. Why not? Let me take your cell number so I can let you know if there are any problems”

Charlie smiled.

“Its 772-555-3490”

“Thanks. I’ll see you shortly”, said the agent as he wrote it down.

When they got back to the car, Charlie said.

“That’s more like it. They want the business. Lets go”

Charlie programmed the zip code into the sat-nav and they drove off.

As soon as they arrived at the house, Charlie said.

“This will do”

“Eh? We haven’t looked inside yet”

“I just know that this place is the one. Besides, that is the sea at the bottom of the garden if I’m not mistaken”

Liz smiled back but inside she said to herself ‘Men’!!!!!.

They had a brief walk around the property in the gathering gloom.

“This place is huge,” remarked Liz when they’d completed the outside tour.

“Not bad at all”

Just then the agent arrived.

“Hi. I’ve got the keys so let me show you around”

Ten minutes later, the viewing was over.

“What do you think?” asked the agent.

“I think it will be perfect,” said Liz.

She added.

“I love the water at the bottom of the garden”

“Will you take it?”

Liz took Charlie’s hand like any good fiancée would. Then she looked into his eyes.

“Shall we darling?”

“I think so my dear”

Charlie turned to the agent.

“That settles it. We will take the place”

The agent smiled back.

“It’s a little late to sort out the details tonight. Can you come by tomorrow. Then we can do the paperwork”

“That’s great,” said Charlie.

They watched the agent drive away.

Then Liz realised that she was still holding Charlie’s hand.

She let go with a start.

Charlie looked a bit surprised.

“What’s wrong Liz”?

“I don’t know”
Liz walked back towards the car and got in.

Charlie did the same.

“I’d like to go back to the city now”

“Why don’t you stay over?”

Liz turned to him and said

“Charles Everett, are you coming on to me?”

He looked hurt.

“Yes I am. Oh god, what a fool I’ve been. I’m so sorry.”

Liz smiled.

“Hey Charlie. It’s all right. I am honoured that you might even think of me like that. It is just a bit soon really. I’ll stay over tonight if I can have my own room and I can get something else to wear for tomorrow. I don’t fancy spending a couple of hours on the train back to Penn Central”

Charlie tried to force a smile from his lips. His eyes were very watery.

“Thank you for being so understanding. I’ve done everything wrong today. Can we start again?”

“Charlie, you have done nothing wrong. You are an attractive single man. I’d like very much to date you but not until we’ve done this job ok?”

Charlie smiled.

“Friends?”

“Friends”

He offered Liz his hand. She took it.

“Now lets get something to eat. I’ve only had two donuts today”

Charlie drove them to a Mall where Liz did a bit of shopping. Charlie wanted to come along but she insisted that she’d do the job a bit quicker alone.

Then he drove her to his house.

“Wow Charlie. This place is huge.”

“Yeah. I told you it was. I was left it by my Grandfather. Much to my parents angst I might add.”

“So you live here alone then?”

“Yes. Ever since Janice moved out I’ve lived here alone. Apart from my family and the maid, you are the first person to visit since then”.

There was an obvious sadness in his voice. Liz was unsure if it was for his ex-wife or that he’d clearly not had another woman in his life since their breakup.

“Well, Charlie, it is a really nice place,” said Liz as they went inside.

“Don’t thank me. This is all down to my Grandfather and his father before him. I’m more of a custodian really”

He closed the door behind her.

“If you want to go freshen up, the bedroom on the right at the top of the stairs is free. There should be towels and stuff in the bathroom. I’ll get something to eat on the go. Take your time”

Liz climbed the stairs under the gaze of the portraits of two men. From the likeness, they were probably his Father & Grandfather.

She went into the bedroom and was struck by its size. It was bigger than the whole of her last apartment in New York. The bathroom was just as impressive.

She looked around the room. It this room was ‘neglected’ and ‘unclean’ as Charlie had indicated then she thought that she’d like to see a ‘tidy & clean’ room.

Liz got washed, changed and put on a bit of makeup. Apart from when she attended ‘Fashion Events’, she hardly ever wore any. She decided that today was an exception and put a little eye shadow and mascara on her eyes plus a little gloss on her lips. Feeling better, she walked downstairs.

The smells emanating from the kitchen led her to its source.

“Hi Charles. That smells good”

“Just a few leftovers. Take a seat. It is just about ready”

Liz went over to the table. It was perfectly set out for dinner for two. A bottle of wine was open on the table.

“Shall I pour the wine?” Suggested Liz.

“Please go ahead”

By the time Liz had poured the wine, Charlie was dishing up the food.

“What is it? Some form of curry?”

“Not quite. It’s a Tagine from Morocco”

“Well, if it tastes as good as it smells than it will be fantastic”

Charles sat down and picked up his wine.

“To a successful operation and no fraternisation until it’s over”

Liz laughed.

“I’ll echo that”

Liz took a mouthful.

“This is wonderful. Are you sure this is leftovers?”

Charlie smiled.

“Yes & No. I enjoy cooking and this is one of my favourite meals. So, I make enough for two or three meals at a time. I really wanted to do something with my hands as a career but my parents insisted that I follow my father and his father into the law. I find it horribly tedious to tell the truth.”

“So why do you continue with such a boring job”

“I don’t know really. Perhaps it is the safe option.”

“Well Charles, I am glad you are on this job with me. I think it will be anything but the safe option”

“I know and that is what worries me”

“You need to live a little. Take a walk on the wild side from time to time”

Liz looked for any reaction but there was none.

At the end of the meal, Liz said.

“I’ll clean up. It is the least I could do in return for such a nice meal”

“No. No. I’ll do it”

“Charles!” said Liz firmly and looking hard at him

He smiled back.

“Ok. Ok. I give in. You wash and I’ll dry”

Over an after dinner glass of Malt, Liz asked Charlie.

“Do you like living here all alone?”

He didn’t answer straight away.

“I suppose so. I’ve lived here for the past 10 years. Before that I lived wherever my parents were putting their head down when I wasn’t at school or college. This is really my first fixed abode.”

Liz didn’t say anything.

“Are you searching for your ‘fixed abode?’” asked Charlie.

“Sort of”

Liz counted up to 8 on her fingers.

“I’ve had eight different apartments since I came to New York. Nine if you count sleeping on Jake Svennson’s floor for the first three days I was here.”

“Was it hard?”

“Eh?”

“Jake’s floor”

They both laughed.

Liz finished her drink.

“I think I’ll go to bed. It has been a long day. Thanks for everything. It has been great.”

“Don’t forget we have to get you moved in tomorrow. We should select a few bits of furniture and stuff for you to borrow”

“Yes. I hadn’t forgotten. See you in the morning. Goodnight”

“Goodnight Liz. Sleep well”

“Night Charles”

*

Liz woke at first light the following day. She crept to the door of her bedroom and opened it.

She heard Charles somewhere about the house.

Liz went back into the bedroom and took a shower. It was a wonderful & hot. It was a far cry from the intermittent hot water at her current apartment.

Freshly showered and with a little makeup on her face plus the clean clothes she’d purchased the day before, Liz went in search of Charlie.

She found him in the Kitchen cooking up some eggs & French toast.

“Hungry?”

“Hey, remember what I said about food and a girls waistline”

“And what do you normally have for breakfast?”

“A cup of Coffee. No milk. No sugar”

“That all?”

“Yes why?”

“You need some calories in you at the start of the day. Then you won’t feel like having donuts with coffee and milk at 10”

“Yes Doctor”

“I mean it. Eat something for breakfast and you won’t feel hungry until lunchtime”

Liz laughed.

“What so funny?”

“You remind me of an old British TV Add for porridge oats. If I recall correctly, they were promoting the eating of porridge as a substitute for mid morning breaks.”

“There was probably some truth in the message. Do you want to eat something or not?”

“Yes Boss”

They both laughed.

“This French toast is good but not really my favourite. I prefer muffins. I usually to get some great ones from a bakery on 8th avenue on my way to work”

“I must remember that for the future”

“Hey Charlie. Remember our agreement”

Charlie looked a bit guilty.

“Sorry. I forgot”

Liz went up to him and held his hand.

“I know you are trying hard Charles. I don’t want to be the rebound woman. From what you have said, there hasn’t been anyone else since your divorce. Just get used to working with me and having a bit of fun. If we still like each other at the end this project then you can ask me out of a date. Deal?”

“Deal” said Charlie slightly reluctantly.

Liz smiled back at him hoping that was the matter settled for the immediate future.

“Lets get cleared up an then we can select some furniture for my new home”

Charlie smiled.

*

The next morning, the ‘couple’ arrived at the Realtors just before 10am. The agent they had seen the night before was ready for them with the paperwork.

“Here’s the contract for you to sign,” said the agent as he handed it to Charlie.

“You don’t mind if I read it do you. I’m a lawyer”

“Take your time,” said the agent with a forced smile on his face.

Charlie took his time and read the contract twice.

“Well it seems to be mostly in order. There are a few points that are a little strange”

“That is our standard contract. It should all be in order”

“That explains it. There was a county law passed a few months ago that make points 7, subsection 5 and point 8, subsection 12 illegal”

“What do you propose to do?”

“We can cross them out and then both of us sign them and it should be perfectly legal”

“I’ll have to check with head office”

“Please do that. I’m sure they wouldn’t want you to sigh off on an illegal document”

The agent went off to phone ‘head office’

Liz asked.

“Was that all above board?”

“Yes my dear it certainly is”

Liz looked around and could see that another agent was within earshot so she let the familiarity go.

“Well then I hope he gets permission to make the changes”

They waited patiently for nearly 10 minutes. The agent returned.

“Head Office confirms that you are correct. I can make the changes you wanted”.

“That’s great”

A few minutes later, Charlie handed over a cheque for two months rental on the house. Liz thought about trying to pay herself but thought better of it and didn’t want to make a scene. They were supposed to be a couple in love after all.

Now that they had the house keys, they spent the next few hours moving her ‘loaned’ items from Charles’ place into the house. Charles had rented a ‘U-Haul Truck’ for the day to make things a little easier. With those items all in their new home, they headed into New York for her belongings.

It was pretty late in the day by the time they had returned and unloaded everything.

“I think I’d rather skip dinner tonight Charlie. I’m rather tired and in dire need of a bath”

“Yeah. Me too. I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight”. He did look rather tired. Charles had done most of the heavy lifting.

Liz lay awake in bed that night unable to think of anything but Charles. She was trying hard but was falling for him in a big way. She fell asleep hoping that it wouldn’t cause them problems during their assignment.

[Continued in part 3]

Funny Business - Chapter 3, Charles puts his foot into it

by

Samantha Michelle Davies(SamanthaMD)

Charles arrived for work the next day carrying a peace offering. He was carrying a huge bunch of flowers and a vase to put them in.

“Why Charles, I didn’t know you cared”, said Liz in a faux southern accent.

She acted the part as well.

Charlie smiled.

“And the Oscar for best actress goes to Liz”

They both fell around laughing.

“Thanks for the flowers Charlie. They will brighten the place up a lot”

“That’s what I thought”

Charles had also purchased some Coffee, Milk and a few other groceries.

“When you get a car, you can do the shopping yourself. In the meantime, I’ll take you.”

“Thanks. The cupboard is pretty bare at Mother Bears house”

Liz brewed the coffee and they got down to work.

“Where do you want to start?” asked Charlie.

“Not at the obvious place, the beginning. That is for sure”

“Where then?”

“I want to look at every collection that a certain Silvio Mandratti has produced in the last 10 years or however long she has been showing during the fashion weeks. That will give us all the reference material we need for the next bit of the investigation”

“That is a lot of work”

“Luckily most of it will be on-line somewhere. Jake has also kindly provided the magazines complete photo archive. That goes back to the first collection”

Liz paused.

“That reminds me, did you get the phone line connected and the DSL sorted?”

“Yes. That was why I was a little late this morning. The phone will be reconnected this afternoon. The DSL should be available in the morning”

“Great news. Thanks”

“What can I do?”

“How about drawing up a list of questions for the people who have had their designs ripped off. That seems to be lawyering stuff”

Charlie laughed and made a note on his pad.

“Do you think this will become what you call a class action?”

“Very probably.”

“Then there is the financial aspect. How much money has the fashion house made from this scam”

Charlie made some more notes.

“Finally, there is the international aspect. Who sues who and where?”

Charlie made another note and then said.

“What about the methods used. There might be some criminal activity in the theft of the designs”

“Good point”

Liz looked at Charlie.

“Am I trying to teach a duck to swim?”

Charlie laughed.

“Not quite. I’ve already thought of these things. What you are doing is putting them into some form of order. More logical and definitely more practical”

Liz looked at him suspiciously.

“Are you serious about that?”

Charlie smiled.

“Yes. Absolutely. Didn’t you get the message yesterday that I’m not the greatest lawyer in the world?”

He put down his pad and looked at Liz.

“The truth is that I’m not very good at all. The theory is fine, fantastic even but when it comes to the practice, and I’m pretty shit.”

Liz smiled.

“I sort of got that message. So why did our esteemed editor in Chief select you from all the lawyers in the world for this gig? I want the truth now?”

Charlie hesitated.

Then he smiled.

“My family owns a whole heap of stock in the company. He also has a seat on the board”

“Well Charlie, that explains a lot”

“He expected that this would be the making of me. The breaking of me more like”

“That bad eh?”

“This is a really complex case and probably involves people in at least 4 countries, 3 of which are in Europe. Each own had their own very unique judicial system. If you think that justice is slow here, you should see how long it takes in Italy”

“So your first decision would be to sue here in the US?”

He smiled.

“I guess you just made it for me. Perhaps you should be the lawyer on this case”

Liz reached over and took his hand.

“All the legal stuff is yours and you know it. It seems to me that you are just lacking the confidence. Make whatever decisions you want. I won’t interfere unless you ask me to. Ok?”

He smiled back.

“You are right though about the location though. US Courts will also typically award higher damages than other countries”

Liz smiled.

“There you go, you have justified it perfectly”

Over the next few days, they really developed a pattern of working together. Things began to move forward quite rapidly but both knew it couldn’t carry on forever.

On the fifth day, Liz got a call from Jake.

“Hi Jake. What’s up?”

“Opps yes we did. Sorry. I should have let you know”

“Where are we now? Currently, we are in Southampton. I’ll email you the details”

“Yeah. Ok. See you later”

Liz closed up her phone.

“That was Jake.”

“Guess who forgot to tell him our new location?”

“Moi!”

“Yep. He wants a meeting. I’ll send him the address and how to get here”

“How will he get here?” asked Charlie.

Liz thought for a few seconds.

“Good Question. Let me call him back. He can take the train”

“Are you sure? A Senior Editor of a leading fashion Magazine taking the train?”

“I know for a fact that he doesn’t drive. I can’t remember the last time he left New York on anything other than a Plane”

“Then this will be a first for him then”

“We’ll see” replied Liz trying not to laugh at the thought of Jake using public transport.

Liz called Jake back and arranged for him to come by train.

Two and a half hours later Liz picked up Jake at the local station and brought him back to the house.

“Who’s great idea was it to move out here?” said Jake when he arrived at the station somewhat travel worn. The LIRR is not a stretch limo by any means”.

“I think it was both of us. I needed somewhere to live. We needed somewhere a bit more secure to work. This location seemed ideal as it was pretty close to Charlie’s home as well”

Jake looked at Liz.

“Is there anything going on between you two”

Liz smiled.

She put her hand on her heart.

“No there isn’t anything going on between us. Promise”

Somewhat grudgingly, Jake replied.

“Ok”

“Hey. Jake. What is it?”

“I had sort of hoped that something might be going on”

Liz laughed.

“All I said was that there is nothing going on between us now. I didn’t say nowt about the future”

Jake laughed.

“I love it when you go all English on me”. That was why he hired her in the first place.

Charlie was waiting for them when they arrived.

“Hi Jake”

“Charlie”

He looked around and saw the waterfront at the back of the property.

“This is a really nice place. What’s over there?”

“That the Indian Reservation. Nice and quiet here”

“How much am I paying for this place?” asked Jake.

“At the moment nothing. Charlie paid the first two months rent. I need to settle up with him and then put in an expense claim for the same amount as you were paying for the old place”

Jake shook his head.

“Don’t bother. Charlie, just send the bills to me. I’ll make sure they are paid. This is a far better spot than that Office Suite. You made a good decision”

Once inside, Charlie said,

“I’ve made up lunch. We can talk business over lunch”

“Great idea”

Liz had told Charlie that Jake liked his food.

Charlie served up ‘Chorizo & Prawn Salad’ along with a nice chilled white wine.

“Is this how you dine every day?” asked Jake at the end of the meal.

“I wish,” joked Liz.

“Hey, are you criticizing my cooking?”

Liz looked coyly at Charlie.

“Charlie like cooking. So he has a willing consumer of his delicacies in me. Besides, it is a good break from the work,” said Liz.

“I didn’t mean to criticize. This was great.”

Jake spent most of the afternoon with the pair discussing their progress and their plans.

“So when are you off to Europe then?” asked Jake just before 4pm.

“We haven’t set a date yet”, said Charlie.

“From what I’ve seen here, that really should be your next move. I’d expect one or two board members will start asking questions about your progress in a month or so”

“We have hardly spent a lot of money so far”, complained Liz.

“I know but that will change soon. What with flights and hotels and everything. There isn’t a blank cheque to fund this project you know”

Liz looked at Charlie. He winked at her.

“Jake, Liz & I have been discussing this. Don’t worry about the funds. As we are supposed to be on a sabbatical then you aren’t paying us. I’ll cover everything apart from the rental of this place. I’ve already decided that I won’t be coming back to work on the 6^th Floor when this is all over. Working with Liz here has really opened my eyes as to how boring my job is. If we succeed then pay us a bonus. That should cover the costs.”

Jake sat there trying to understand what Charlie had said.

“You haven’t been poached by some other publication have you?”

They both laughed.

“Jake. Don’t worry. We are still under contract to you. You get the story if there is one. You can tell the board that this isn’t costing them a penny”

That seemed to satisfy Jake.

“What about you Liz? Are you giving up one me?” asked Jake.

“Not at the moment. As with any job, there comes a point when it is time to move on. I honestly don’t know if I’m at that point yet. Like Charlie, this project has given me an opportunity to examine what I’m doing with my life. And before you ask, no, I’m not bored with my job. Far from it. Ok?”

“Ok. I get it.”

He looked at his watch.

“It is probably time I was going. Don’t forget the regular reports. You have the email address to use for them. Once a week at least ok?”

“Yeah. Yeah. We get the message”

Charlie took Jake back to the Station and went home. Liz sat thinking about the revelations they’d exposed to Jake that afternoon. She felt suddenly relieved that she might not be going back to work on the mag when this was over. Like Charlie, it had taken this project to make her realize that she was stuck in a run. All be it, a quite enjoyable run but nevertheless, a rut all the same. Quite what she was going to do was still a blank canvas but at that point in time, she didn’t care.

*

Charlie arrived bright an early the next morning.

“Hi Liz. Sleep well?” said Charlie as he poured himself a mug of Coffee.

“Not really. I was thinking about what we told Jake yesterday.”

“Me too. I wondered if we went too far?”

“Same here.”

“There’s no use dwelling on it. At least we used the words possibly & probably rather than certainly”

“Thank god for small mercies”

By lunchtime that day everything that could possibly be done in preparation had just about been done.

“I think we should plan our trip over the Pond” said Liz.

“When do you want to go?”

“Do you have any objections to going on Sunday Night”

“Not me. Why then?”

“I’ve got an appointment to get my hair done on Saturday. I go to a salon just off 8^th Avenue”

“That’s fair enough. I can go up and see my parents”

“Where are they?”

“At their place in Maine. ”

“Isn’t the season over?”

“Yeah. They actually like the fall there. The place settles down into a more sedate way of life.”

Liz sat for a moment.

“You know, I’ve never been up to New England for the fall colours.”

Charlie laughed.

“It can be a bit hit & miss. When it’s good it is really good. It’s probably a bit late now for Maine though”

Liz looked sad.

“Next year maybe?”

“Yeah.”

Charles made a few phone calls that afternoon to arrange his trip to Portland. Liz booked her flight to Milan.

Everything seemed set for their trip to Europe.

*

Liz arranged for a ‘Limo’ to take her to the airport. More of a minibus really but they would pick her up from the house. Charles would meet her there as he was flying down from Portland on the Sunday afternoon.

He called Liz on Sunday morning to see if everything was ok. She confirmed that it was.

Liz arrived in good time for the 5:45pm departure to Milan. She had done this trip several times before and hoped that the plane wouldn’t be full. She checked in and went through to departures while Charles was flying down from Portland.

She waited in the Departure lounge on the lookout for Charles. By the time it was her turn to board the aircraft, there was no sign of him. She delayed as much as possible. All the ground crew would do was confirm that he’d checked in.

Reluctantly, she boarded the plane. She was just about the last cattle class passenger to board. Her seat was right at the rear next to the toilets. She groaned when she sat down and the passenger sitting next to her introduced himself. His breath reeked of garlic and he had B.O.

When she heard the thus of the plane doors closing, her heart sank. There was no sign of Charles anywhere.

Liz resigned herself to flying to Milan on her own. What made matters worse was the man sitting next to her was trying to chat her up and wouldn’t take no for an answer. She was trapped until the plane was airborne and the seat belt sign was switched off.

Forty minutes into the flight and ironically flying over the Maine Coast, the seatbelt sign went off.

Liz was out of her seat and looking for a flight attendant.

They were polite in their refusal to help saying that they had ‘drinks & dinner service to get done’ before they would help her either move seat or check to see if Charles was on board.

Not wanting to cause a scene, she sat down again.

The rubber chicken meal was made passable by the half decent Chianti that Liz nabbed from the drinks trolley as it made its way to the front of Coach class. Here foresight proved to be a saviour as there was none left by the time the trolley reached her.

Once the meal was out of the way, the lights were dimmed and everyone was expected to get some sleep. The man sitting next to her made this impossible by lolling all over her shoulder. Despite the liberal use of her elbows and heels, she was unable to get him to stop lolling all over her.

In the end, she got up out of her seat and got a plastic cup of water from the Galley.

When she returned to her seat, he was virtually lying in it. She returned to the galley.

“Excuse me I need some assistance,” she asked a flight attendant who was busy scoffing her meal.

“What is it?”

“The man sitting next to me is now preventing me from sitting down. If you don’t move him immediately, I will pour this water all over him”

“Madam. If you do that I’ll call the Air Marshal”

“Fine. Do it now. I would like to sit in my allotted seat and get some sleep. This man is virtually assaulting me. If you force me to sit down, I’ll hit him in the balls. Do I make myself clear?”

“Do what you like. Can’t you see I’m easting my meal. If you cause a disturbance, I’ll call the Air Marshal and have you arrested”

“So you are not going to help me?”

“Yes” said the attendant in between mouthfuls.

“Fine. Have it your way”

Liz turned on her heels and walked up the aisle and into Business Class. She was about to go into First class when an attendant stopped her.

“You can’t go in there. Please return to your seat”

“I would if I had a seat to sit upon. The flight attendant at the back of this goddam flying tube refuses to help me. I want to see the person in charge”

“Madam. Please sit down this instant”

Just then another Attendant appeared from behind the curtains that separated Business from First Class.

“What appears to be the problem?”

“Are you in charge here?”

“Yes why?”

“Follow me. Then you can perhaps explain to me why two of your crew have refused to stop me being assaulted by the man sitting next to me”

“Is this true?” asked the newcomer.

“I was asking this passenger to sit down”

“And I was telling her that I couldn’t because the man in the seat next to mine was sprawled over into mine”

The newcomer said.

“Please madam. Show me where you are sitting”

“I’m right at the back. Next to the Galley where your colleague is scoffing her face with steak”

Liz stormed towards the back of the plane followed by the Attendant from First class.

The passenger was still sprawled over her seat.

“How can I sit there? He refuses to lean the other way”

Just then the attendant from the Galley appeared.

“Did this passenger ask you for help?”

“Yes”

“She threatened to have me arrested if I didn’t sit down,” said Liz butting in.

“Is this true?”

“Yes” replied the Galley Attendant reluctantly.

The man in charge turned to Liz and said.

“I’m sorry for this. My crew shouldn’t react like that. Lets see if we can get you your seat back. Normally, I’d offer you a seat elsewhere on the place. But tonight, we are completely full. Not even a spare seat in 1^st Class.”

That was little comfort to Liz.

The Head Attendant woke the male passenger.

“Sir”. He shook him. Still he didn’t move.

“Sir”. Again he was shaken. This time he woke.

“What’s up?”

“This lady would like to sit down. May I suggest you lean against the window and not against her”?

Liz added.

“If you lean over me again I’ll not be responsible for where my right fist goes ok?”

“Ok lady. Don’t get you panties in a twist.”

He looked Liz over and said in a harsh New York accent.

“Besides, you ain’t my sort of broad”

He turned over and leaned against the window.

Liz said to the head Attendant.

“Thanks”

She sat down and tried to get some sleep.

Sleep was difficult to come by. She kept thinking why was Charles not on board.

Eventually, she dropped off only to be woken less than an hour later bye the Drinks trolley bashing into her shoulder.

Breakfast Service had begun.

The plane landed on time at Milan. She put her watch forward by 6 hours and went about going through Immigration & Customs.

Luckily, her British Passport meant that she was able to go through the ‘EU’ Channel without and interrogation by the officials.

As she went into the Baggage Claim hall, who was almost the first person she saw by Charles.

“Hi Liz. How was your flight? I looked for you but I didn’t see you”

“Where the fuck were you. I looked everywhere for you. I was right at the frigging back of the plane next to someone who reeked of Garlic and kept leaning on me. I’ve had next to no sleep and I’m not going to be a nice person to be close to until I’ve had a shower”

Charles went red in the face.

“Oh dear. I think I owe you an apology. I was in 1^st Class”

“Fucking first class. How the fuck did you get there?”

“I should have booked your flight with mine. My travel agent automatically books me into 1^st Class whenever I fly long distance”

And just how do you think I am going to afford 1^st Class. We only get expensed for frigging cattle class.”

Charles took Liz’s hand and led her to some seats.

“I’m so sorry Liz. I just didn’t think. I’ve never travelled with anyone like you before”

“Just what the hell does that mean”?

“I’m sorry. I said that all wrong. Let me start again”

She said nothing.

“I was trying to say that when I’ve travelled in the past, it has either been alone or with someone like my Wife or other family members and that the travel arrangements were all made by the same travel agent at the same time. If I’d have known that you were travelling coach then I would have done so as well”

Liz thought for a moment before replying.

“Yeah and there is a squadron of pigs flying around the Leaning Tower of Pisa as we speak”

This was lost on Charles.

“Lets face it Charles. You have money and you spend it according to your norm with is 1^st Class. I don’t have money and I spend what little I have according to my norm which is most definitely ‘Coach Class’. And that Charles is why we really don’t have much going for us do we”

Charles was about to say something.

“Put a sock in it Charles. I’m tired, irritable and have probably said far too much. I need some sleep a decent meal and then I might be in a position to discuss it further.”

Liz stormed off and picked her back off the luggage carousel.

Charles followed several steps behind not quite sure what to make of what just happened between them.

They took a Taxi to their hotel in Silence. Again neither of them spoke to each other as they checked in.

The lift to the 4^th floor had a definite icy feel.

Liz went into her room, slammed the door and flung herself down on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

She slept until it was quite dark outside. A gentle knocking on her door woke her.

“Hello who is it?” she said.

“Servizio della domestica. Desidero cambiare i tovaglioli e girare giá¹ la base” came the reply which was quickly followed by.

“It is the Maid. I want to check your towels and turn down the bed”

“Go away. Come back tomorrow”

“Sᬠsignora”

Peace reigned again.

Liz lay there for a while listening to the sounds of the City.

Eventually, the call of nature prevailed and Liz had to get up. She showered and put on a change of clothes. Once she’d put on a reasonable face she decided to go in search of some food.

She stepped into the Restaurant and stopped dead. There was Charles sitting at a table by the window and scanning the menu.

She turned on her heels and almost ran out of the place.

Before she knew it, she was in the street.

Suddenly, she felt cold. It was early November in northern Italy. She needed a coat.

Reluctantly, Liz went back into the hotel and returned to the refuge of her room. She ordered some “Pappardelle with Meat Sauce” and a bottle of Barolo from room service. She drank the whole bottle and fell asleep once again.

When Liz woke up it was still dark outside. For a moment, she didn’t know where she was. Then her throbbing head told her that she was in Milan.

After a shower and a decent breakfast, she was ready to face the world.

She opened her laptop and ignoring the 10 emails in her “inbox”, she emailed Jake.

Jake,

Coming back to NY today. Charles is a prick. All he thinks about is himself. He flew 1^ST class. I was in Coach with someone from the Bronx slobbering all over me all night. I quit

Liz

She sent it without any regret.

Her next step was going to be to call the airline and book herself on the next flight to JFK.

Before she could find the number to call, her Cell phone rang. She looked at the caller-id. It said nothing.

“Hello”

“Liz. Are you all right?” came the voice of Jake.

“Jake. Read your email. I can’t work with that stuck-up prick any more”

“Liz. Calm down. Calm down”

“Jake. Listen. I’m getting on the next flight out of here. Your project is toast I’m afraid.”

“Liz! Stop right there young lady. This is your Uncle Jake talking”

Liz calmed down a little. She sat on the bed.

“Sorry to go off on you. I’m a little upset”

“You love him don’t you?”

“Nothing like being direct and straight to the point eh Jake”

“Don’t try to change the subject. Answer my question”

Liz took a deep breath.

“Yes. There is that a good enough answer for you”

“You are scared aren’t you?”

Before she could answer.

“You are scared of being rejected again”

“Yes Jake I’m scared. I’m scared that I won’t fit in with his ‘set’. I’m scared because of me and my past. I’m scared because he does not love me”

There was a silence on the line.

“Jake? Are you still there?”

“Yes Liz I’m here. Do you know for certain that he does not love you? How? How do you know that?”

Then where the frigging hell is he? Where are the flowers being delivered to my room? Where are the boxes of Chocolates? Why hasn’t he knocked on my door? Where are the notes pushed under the door?”

“Wow Liz. That is some list. You mean you haven’t seen hide nor tail of him?”

“Not since we travelled up un the lift”

Liz didn’t want to mention her near miss in the Restaurant.

“I’ll tell you why you haven’t heard from him. He’s in Rome following up on a lead. He already had two confirmed cases already signed up. Liz. Charles cares deeply about you. Haven’t you even considered that he is as scared as you?”

“But he’s not like me is he”

“No Liz but you need to give him a chance. Please don’t leave until you have talked things over with him. At least give him a chance”

“Ok Jake. I’ll do this one thing for you”

“Hang on in there Liz. Hang on in there”

She hung-up before he could say anything else.

Liz sat for several hours just staring out of the Window at the red roofed Milan Skyline.

The ringing of the phone broke her trance.

“Hello”

“Liz”

“Go away Charles”

“Please don’t hang up. I’m coming back from Rome on the train that leaves here at 4pm. I will have someone with me you need to speak to”

“I don’t care Charles. I’m going home on the next flight”

“Please Liz. This is nothing to do with us. Do this for Jake”

“How dare you bring him into this”

“He told me all about you”

“What! How dare he. Goodbye Charles”

She slammed her phone shut.

The tears streamed down her cheeks.

[Continued in Part 4]

Funny Business - Part 4, The First Steps are always the Hardest

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

Liz sat on her bed in a foreign city wondering how things could get any worse. Her deepening gloom was eventually interrupted by a quiet knock at the door.

“Go Away Charles”

“Scusilo Signora” came a female voice.

“What do you want?”

“Mr Charles asked me to speak to you about my designs”

With a mood of resignation Liz got up from the bed and went open the door.

When she opened it, she saw a young woman standing there alone.

“Signora Fuller? I’m Fiorella Messe. I have come from Roma to speak to you”

This half snapped Liz out of her fug.

“Please come in. Where is Mr Charles?”

“In his room Signora. He said it would be better for me to speak to you alone”

Liz shut the door.

“Please sit down Signora Messe. Can I get us some Tea or Coffee?”

“A glass of that Chianti would be nice”, said the woman noticing the half empty bottle on the table.

“A good idea”

Then Liz realised that she’d not eaten since the morning.

“Can I get you something to eat? I don’t want to drink on an empty stomach”

“Please Signora Fuller”

Liz handed her the room service menu.

“Please make your choice. I’ll have the Pasta Bake with smoked Pancetta.

“That sounds good.” She replied still uncertain of Liz.

Liz ordered them the food and a bottle of the same wine.

She put the phone down and sat on the bed near Fiorella who was sitting in the chair by the window. She had the chance to get a good look at her visitor.

The young slim woman was very well dressed (like most Italian women until they have their first child) in a grey two piece knee length suit. She had long black hair in a style that suited her very well.

“Now Miss Messe. What have you to tell me?”

“Fiorella please”

“Fiorella it is then”

“Mr Charles told me that you are working on an article about the theft of designs.”

“Yes that is so”

“He showed me some pictures of a collection from a London show some three years ago. All the designs were mine. You see, I was at school here in Milano for three years and was preparing my final collection when my mother became ill and I had to leave and return to Roma and look after her”

“What happened to your materials?”

“I left them at the school. I was going to come back the following year to complete my studies. But my Mother didn’t get better”

Liz was all ears now.

“Did anything happen in the last weeks before you return to Rome”

“What do you mean?”

“Did anyone show any special interest in your designs?”

“Oh Yes Signora. Mr Stevens. He would come and visit the school every year and look at the work of the final year students. The school welcomed him, as he was an agent from a Paris Fashion House. He said that he was looking for new talent”

“Do you know which one?”

“Which what?”

“Which Fashion House?”

“I never knew. I don’t think he told anyone. He did mention a few famous names”

“What sort of names?”

“Chanel, Ungaro and Alexander McQueen”

“Fiorella, Alexander McQueen is a London Fashion House”

She nodded her head.

“It wasn’t until I was telling my mother about the whole thing that I realised it was all wrong”

“But you did nothing?”

“Family is everything to us. My father died in an Earthquake when I was six. We moved to Roma where my mother could find work. She is the head of the family. It is my duty to look after her. My brothers provide money for us not that she is no longer able to work”

Liz asked the $64,000 question.

“Do you have any records of your designs?”

“No. I left everything apart from a few very early sketches I took home to show my Mother that Easter”

“Is there anything that could help in identifying your work?”

“Yes. All my designs have a signature stitch on the hem. One that comes from my family’s home in the mountains”

“So if you were to see one of the garments you might be able to say for sure that it is yours?”

“Yes. I would know in an instant”

“What do you think about the designer who may have stolen your designs?”

“They are a thief and need to pay me lots of money. Then I could look after my mother”

Just then their food arrived.

Over dinner, Liz questioned Fiorella further. She began to like her as a person. She was dedicated to her family.

Soon after the meal was over, Fiorella looked at her watch and said.

“I must leave now to get the last train to Roma. I can’t leave my mother overnight”

This dedication nearly brought a tear to Liz’s eyes.

“Thank you for coming to see me. I can’t promise that anything will happen for several months. Can you wait that long?”

She smiled at Liz.

“I have waited for three years. I can wait a little longer.”

Liz sat down and reviewed the visit from Fiorella. The more she thought about it, the more she felt very uneasy. Charles had totally messed up her evidence. She came to the conclusion that although interesting there was very little that would stand up to very close scrutiny in the long run.

It was no wonder that Charles was not a litigation attorney; he was crap at getting the facts out of people.

She began to sink back into her mood of depression when there was a knock at her door.

“Go Away”

“Liz. Please let me in”

“No. Go away”

“Liz. I have something to tell you”

Eventually, she was worn down and went to the door.

“Well, what do you want? If it is to do with that useless woman you sent me, you can forget it”

“No. It is nothing to do with that. It is to do with us”

“Charles. There is no ‘US’ as you put it”

Without her realising it, she’d let him into the room. He closed the door behind her and gently, he led her over to the bed where they sat.

“Jake told me all about you. It was not easy so please don’t blame him. I understand abo…”

“How the hell can you understand me? You are not me in anyway shape or form”

“Godammit Liz will you please shut the hell up”

This had the desired effect.

“Liz. I’m sorry for everything. Truly sorry. I had no right in digging into your past without your permission. Jake really didn’t want to tell me. It wasn’t until I told him that I loved you that he told me about you. I don’t frigging care ok. What has happened in the past is past. I want us to be together”

“Charles. You are a very nice man but it will never work between us. You have too much to lose. Take your family for a start. How do you think they will react when they find out their wonderful son is in love with a girl who was once a man. Eh. Just think of that. If you think you can hide who I really am then you are very much mistaken. Your ilk wants you to be with people from the right ‘set’. People who went to the right ‘school’. Fucking hell Charles, this frigging country is more class ridden than mine”

Charlie was quiet for a moment.

Then he said softly.

“I don’t care. I have secrets too you know. Thinks that no one in my family know about”

“Yeah, you go on the occasional bender to AC and lose a wad and have sex with some hooker” said Liz only slightly sarcastically.

“No Liz. It is nothing like that. It was probably what attracted me to you even though I didn’t know it at the time”

He paused, looked at his hands and said quietly,

“I like to dress as a woman too”

Liz laughed.

“Now you are really fucking having me on. Here laugh at the poor tranny. Do you thing this is some game? Do you think I can just change my clothes and I can return to being plain old Wayne? Eh?”

She cupped her breasts with her hands.

“These are real. Well as real as the surgeon could make them”

She paused. There was still no reaction from Charles.

“Do you think I still have a dick hanging between my legs? Do you? Well, I don’t. It’s now my fanny. Get it. I am me, a fucking freak. Now do you get it?”

She pulled up her customary long sleeves.

“Do you see these scars on my wrist? Do you they got there by accident?”

“I am going to be like this forever. You may think you can love me. Then after a while, you will tire of me. Or your mother will start asking questions about grandkids. Whatever you say now, won’t mean a brass farthing when that day comes? Then I’ll be on my own again. Now do you get it? It won’t work between us. It can’t work between us. Don’t you get it?”

The tears started rolling down her cheeks.

She didn’t notice that Charles moved over and sat beside her. She didn’t notice that he put his arm around her. She didn’t notice that her held her hand.

“I know all that and it does not matter,” he said quietly.

“I don’t care about my family or what they think of us, of me of you”

Charles sat there holding Liz until she stopped crying and fell into an uneasy sleep. Carefully, he laid her out on the bed and covered her up.

Then he went and sat in the chair near the bed to watch over her.

Dawn came and went. Liz was still fast asleep. Charles woke up and quietly got up and stretched his legs, arms and his neck. He was just putting a ‘Do No Disturb’ notice of the bedroom door when Liz stirred.

“Are you still here?”

“Yes my darling I’m still here”

She sat up in bed.

“I guess I made quite a scene last night didn’t I?”

“You did”

“Yet you are still here. Why?”

“Because I want to be here. Can’t you understand that? I’m here because I want to be here”

Liz didn’t say anything.

“I’d like us to start over again if that is possible after everything”

Then he stopped.

“This is hard for me. It is hard for me to show my emotions. I love you Liz. I don’t care about your past. If we were in the States right now, I’d offer to take you to somewhere that has legal same sex marriages and make an honest woman of you. To me, you are a woman, nothing but a woman. The woman I’m in love with.”

Liz sat there with her mouth open.

Then he chuckled.

“At least to don’t have ‘its that time of the month’”

Liz saw that he was trying to be funny. She also saw a different side to the normally reserved and formal Charles.

“Did you mean it what you said last night?”

“I said a lot last night”

“About wanting to dress up as a woman”

“Yes I did. I was perfectly serious. At school, I always wangled the female parts as I went to an all boys’ school, I loved wearing dresses. I loved having for a few hours at least, long hair”

“Didn’t you get bullied over it?”

Charles smiled.

“No. The bullies knew that they would be made to wear them themselves if they did. That would make them look decidedly un-cool believe me”

“You are full of surprises”

“Not really.

There was a long period of silence.

“Don’t you want children of your own? You know I can’t have any.”

“Not really. I did think long and hard about this when I was married. I’m not a baby sort of person. Ok once they get to 5 or 6 but until then, you can keep’em. It was probably one of the things that caused the marriage to fail like it did”

“What about parent pressure?”

“There are other ways to have kids around the house you know”

Liz laughed.

“Who in their right mind would let a child within a hundred miles of someone who has tried to take their own life is quite beyond me”

“That is a question for another day. Today is more about you”

“Me?”

“Yes. You. You are the most important thing in my life at this time. Getting you back to something like your normal state is my chief desire at the moment”

Liz managed a small smile.

“Then you can get the hell out of here so I can get up, get a shower and put on a decent face. Then we can have lunch. What about it eh?”

Charlie grinned.

“Ok. Just don’t take all day ok?”

“Men Pah”

*

A much prettier and on the surface happier Liz joined Charlie in the Restaurant for a late lunch. Even so, she still picked at her food.

“You really messed up in Rome didn’t you”

“Yeah. I know. I was somewhat over enthusiastic. “

“You can say that again”

“I just wanted to prove to you that I was up to this job”

“You did that all right. Right up to your arse”

“Did you get anything useful from it?”

“Yes. The name or alias of the man who is doing all the scouting”

“Isn’t that worth something?”

“Not unless it turns up again. Anyway, shouldn’t you be asking those sort of questions”?

“You really know how to make me feel useless you know”, said a slightly unhappy Charlie.

“Just don’t do it again ok. There is only one shot at this and we must get it right”

“Ok. Ok. I get the message”

Then he looked her right in the eye.

“What about you? Are you going to be all right?”

“I will be if you don’t keep fussing over me. I am not a 5yr old you know”

Charles was about to say something but thought better of it.

“What do we do now?”

“I have another lead from the Milan School. This time the person is in Lausanne”

“Well that’s heading in the right direction at least”

“Why don’t you set it up for tomorrow afternoon depending upon the trains?”

“I’ll get the Hotel to sort everything out”

“Good. Now you can take me sightseeing and perhaps La Scala tonight if there is anything half decent on”

Charlie did take Liz to La Scala but only to have a look around. That evening’s performance was sold out and even copious amounts of Euro notes waved at the concierge could get any tickets.

*

Bright and early the next morning, a Taxi took the pair to Milan Central Station for them to catch the 08:25 train to Lausanne.

Liz relaxed as the Alps came ever closer. She wanted to forget this particular visit to Milan in a hurry.

Once in Lausanne, they checked into their hotel, which was right on the lake and after a brief lunch, they took a Taxi out to the suburbs and their meeting.

Liz rang the door.

A youngish woman answered the door.

“Guten Tag. Sorry. Hello. You must be the people from the magazine”

“Yes that’s us. You must be Helga”

“Yes. Helga Muller. Won’t you please come in”?

They followed her into a modest yet comfortable house.

“Please excuse the mess. My son gets everywhere. He is with his grandmamma today so we won’t be disturbed”

“Please sit down. Can I get you anything?”

“Some tea would be nice please,” said Liz.

“Good. The kettle boiled a few minutes ago”

Over a cup of tea, the questioning began.

“We understand that you were a student at the School in Milan for three years?”

“Nearly. I was just a week away from graduating when my son, Jacob arrived a month early. That was the reason why I didn’t finish the course”

“How close were you to completing your final work?”

“Oh, I’d just about finished. I suppose it was the stress that made me go into labour so early. By the time I got out of hospital, it was too late to submit my work. So I left virtually everything in Milan and came back here”

Liz smiled at Charlie.

“Do you know what happened to the things you left behind?”

“I left the clothes naturally. But my tutor was kind enough to send my drawings here”

“Do you have the drawings?”

“Yes. Several are on the wall in my Bedroom. Why are you asking me this?”

“It will become clear in a few minutes. Could you get a sample of them please”?

“Yes. I can’t think why they would be of any use now. I’m a mother not a fashion designer”

Helga disappeared to get the drawings.

She returned with three A4 sized framed drawings.

“These are my favourites,” she said proudly.

Liz nodded at Charlie.

“Can we show you some pictures? Let us know if there is anything that you recognise”

“Ok. I am not sure what use this will be but please go ahead”

Charlie got out Liz’s laptop and started browsing through the pictures of the collections.

After some 20 minutes, Helga said.

“That seems familiar”

Charlie made a note of the item. Then he carried on. Three pictures later Helga said,

“No. Stop. That can’t be true”

“What is it?”

“That dress there is the same as my drawing. The one there” said Helga excitedly pointing at one of the framed drawings.

Charlie held the drawing alongside the picture of a model on the catwalk.

They all agreed that it was identical. All the notes with the drawing tied in exactly with the finished item.

“I don’t understand,” said Helga.

“Your design was copied without your permission”

“What about the School. Don’t they have some rights?”

“Yes but only if you have given them permission. Did you give anyone your permission to use your work?”

“I don’t think so. Everything was so busy then. And then my baby came”

Liz decided upon a different tack.

“What were you going to do if your son had arrived on-time and you had graduated?”

“Once I found out I was carrying, I decided not to pursue a career in fashion. I carried on really just to prove to myself that I could do it. You know graduate”

Liz nodded.

“Did anyone from outside the School take an interest in your work?”

Helga thought for some time.

“There was this one man. He said he was an agent for some Fashion House. I can’t remember which. He looked at everyone’s designs.”

“Did he take an interest in yours?”

“I don’t know. He talked to me about the baby and what I was going to do after the birth”

Liz smiled.

She nodded at Charlie who said something for the first time.

Helga. It is very possible that your designs have been plagiarised”

“Plagiarised? I don’t understand this word”

“Kopiert ohne Ihre Erlaubnis” said Charles in faultless German.

“Is that not wrong?”

“Yes. It is very wrong. That is one of the reasons why we are here”

“What do you mean?”

“We are writing an article which will tell the world what has been going on with people like you. One designer has if what you have said to us been systematically stealing the designs of people like yourself who attended Design School but didn’t pursue a career in Fashion” said Liz.

Then she continued.

“My partner Charles, is a lawyer and is proposing to begin legal action against this designer to recover some money from the person who stole your designs and also recognition of your work in the Fashion Industry”

“How long will all this take?”

“We are aiming to have the article ready for publication by the time of the autumn shows in Paris, London, Milan & New York. It may a bit longer for any money to come through. There are a lot of things as yet unknown that will have to be worked through”

“I don’t have any money to hire a lawyer”

Liz smiled.

“There won’t be any costs to you. The magazine will be paying for a lawyer to handle all the legal action”

“Are you sure? Lawyers are very expensive?”

“Yes. I’m sure. I’m part of the legal team at the magazine”, said Charlie.

Helga bought into the project and signed on the dotted line.

Liz resisted giving Charlie a ‘high five’ until they’d reached their hotel.

“That went rather well didn’t it?” said a grinning Charlie.

“There is a long way to go but yes on the whole it did. Certainly a lot better than Milan.”

“Shall we celebrate?” suggested Charlie.

“Not yet. Something about Counting Chickens and all that”

[Continued in Part 5]

Funny Business Chapter 5, A Welcome Interlude

By

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

[Three Weeks Later on a Train from Paris to London]

“I forgot to ask if you had booked a hotel for us in London”, said Charlie as the Eurostar train sped through the Department de la Somme, the scene of some of the bloodiest battles in WW1.

Liz grinned at him.

“I didn’t even try”

“Why?” asked Charlie almost absentmindedly.

“Because I thought we might like a little break in the Country. We have been over here for almost a month now. Going from City to City and apart from the journeys between the cities, never being out in the Country”

“There was the trip to Perigord last week. That was the Country”

“Yeah, a bloody long day trip from Paris. No I mean stay in the country for a few days”

“Where did you have in mind?”

Liz smiled and touched her nose.

Charlie gave up and went back to reading his copy of the WSJ International Edition that he had bought at the Gare du Nord that morning.

Just over 90 minutes later, they disembarked from the train at St Pancras.

“This is hardly the ‘country’ is it” said Charlie as the walked along the platform.

“We are changing trains here. That is all”

“Where to next?”

“Why don’t you be a love and buy us two tickets to Wellingborough”

“Where on earth is that?”

“That way.” said Liz pointing north out of the station.

“I’ll meet you over there”, said Liz pointing at the statue of Sir John Betjeman.

Charlie went off to buy the tickets while Liz headed for a Car Rental Office.

Fifteen minutes later, Liz joined up with Charlie.

“Here you are. I was beginning to worry about where you had gone”

“I’m here now”

He looked up at the clock.

“There is a train leaving at 11. Come on”

They made the train without problem and soon it was heading north out of London.

“What’s in this place called Wellingborough”.

“Not a lot. Really nothing at all. We are going a bit further on, into Leicestershire. I think we deserve a decent meal, a pint of proper English beer and a break from cities”

“I suppose you have somewhere in mind”

“I do indeed. I only hope the people we are going to see won’t mind us crashing at their place for a few days”

“Would they have the room?”

“Room. Oh yes Charlie. They would most certainly have the room” replied Liz with a wry grin on her face.

The train arrived at Wellingborough right on time some 50 minutes after they had left St Pancras.

A chill easterly wind greeted them.

“It’s almost winter here now. I’d forgotten how cold those easterlies can get,” said Liz as they walked out of the station in search of their ‘Hire Car’.”

“Maybe we should have stayed in London and bought some winter clothes?”

“I’m sure we can borrow a few things”

Charles looked concerned.

Liz laughed.

“Don’t worry yourself silly Charles. The people we are going to meet won’t bite”

That didn’t placate him much. He was nervous about meeting Liz’s friends especially as it had been sprung on him like this.

Liz found their rental car at the far end of the Station Car Park. Without bothering to ask Liz got in the drivers side and waited for Charles to stow the luggage. Then she drove them North over the border into Leicestershire. The Bright winter sun compensated somewhat for the chilling wind.

Not long after they’d crossed the border, Liz turned off the main road and down a small side road.

“I hope you know where you are going?” said a slightly concerned Charles.

“Do I look as if I’m lost?”

He didn’t answer.

A few miles later they entered a village. There were fields & woods all around. Liz drove into the pub car park and pulled up.

“Just in time for Lunch and a pint” she said getting out of the car with a smile on her face.

A slightly bewildered Charles followed as Liz walked straight into the bar.

She went up to the bar and said

“Two pints of ‘Triple B’ please”

The barman who was filling a fridge with bottles stopped what he was doing and looked up at her.

Then he grinned.

“Liz! When did you get back?”

“Just now. How about those pints eh?”

“No trouble”

The barman reached up above his head and pulled down a Pewter tankard. He carefully pulled a pint into it. He did the same with a clear glass.

“You did say two pints?”

“Yes. Bill I did”

Liz turned towards Charlie.

“Let me introduce Charlie. Rather, Charles Everett the 6th. Charlie, meet Bill otherwise known as Baron William George Edward Hardcastle, the 16th Earl of hereabouts.” Said Liz with a big grin on her face.

A clearly stunned Charlie stuck out his hand.

“Hello. William”

“Bill please, especially when I’m behind the bar. Only the Lord Chancellor calls me William but he is my Uncle”

He pushed the pints over the bar.

Liz picked up the tankard and took a great gulp.

When she put the tankard down, it was half empty.

“That’s a really nice pint Bill. It has been a long time since I’ve had one”

Bill smiled.

“Pleased to hear it. Notice how I’ve kept your Tankard?”

“I was rather hoping you would have”

She turned to Charlie.

“What’s up Charlie, cat got your tongue. Have a drink that might loosen it a little”

This was a Liz that was completely alien to him.

Nevertheless, he raised the glass and took a sip.

It was unlike any beer he had ever tasted before

“Liz said it would be different. It certainly is”

“That’s a nice pint alright”, said Bill.

He added, “Brewed less than 20 miles away in Oakham. Made with Barley I grew I might add”.

“What do you mean your Barley?” asked Charlie.

“He means, Barley grown on one of his farms”

Charlie looked bewildered.

Bill came to his rescue.

“Has she kept you in the dark then?”

Charlie nodded as he took another drink.

“That is typical of our Liz. She was always the joker”

“Now, now Bill, you exaggerate,” said Liz finishing her pint.

Bill grinned.

“How long are you planning on staying?”

“Until Monday or Tuesday if that is not too much trouble?”

“Perfect. No trouble at all. Kat will love to play hostess”

Then he turned to Charlie.

“Do you hunt Charlie?”

“I’ve been Duck hunting a few times”

Bill laughed.

“That’s not hunting. I mean on horse with dogs and all that?”

“No. It’s not the sort of thing we do on Long Island”

“You do ride don’t you?”

“Yes. Why”

“Perfect. We have a meet on Saturday. You must join us”

“Don’t I need to be properly kitted out?”

“Don’t worry about that there will be something to fit you at home. If not then Kat will get something for you”

“Who’s Kat?” asked Charlie.

“Kat or Katherine is Bills wife. She is also Master of the Hunt. Not bad for someone who hails from South London”

“Shh Liz. Don’t let on. She’s the perfect country wife now. She’s even lost most of her accent”

Liz laughed.

“I’ll tell Charlie about how you two met sometime”

Bill smiled.

“Not my finest hour I’m afraid but it all turned out fine in the end”

“Any chance of something to eat? Do you still serve that Black Beef you raise so nicely?”

“We certainly do. I’ll get something rustled up. Why don’t you take a pew and I’ll bring over some more drinks in a moment. The lunch crowd will be in shortly”

“Thanks Bill” said Liz guiding Charlie towards what in American terms would be called a ‘booth’.

Once they sat down, Liz said,

“These really are old pews. They came from St Stephens years ago”

“I’m a bit lost here. Can you tell me just what happened in simple terms?”

“Bill is my oldest and dearest friend in the world. He & I go back a long way. We first met when I was 8 or 9. Can’t remember which. My father came to work as a gamekeeper on the estate. Bill & I were the same age so whenever Bill came home from school, we would play together. Great times”

“Was this before, you know what?”

“Oh, goodness me yes. Where was I? Oh yes, Bill is as you might have guessed ‘old money’. Really old money. His family have lived hereabouts since his ancestors came over the Channel in 1066”

“It this his job?”

“Four days a week it is. Unless the house is sitting and debating farming things. Then he’s down in London”

“So he’s an MP?”

“Oh dear no. He is not allowed by law to set foot inside the House of Commons. He is a peer of the Realm. He sits in the House of Lords. Chairs a couple of Committee as well”

She paused for a second.

“He runs a very successful food business from this sleepy part of the country”

“How can he if he works here?”

“Well, his team does. The HQ is a few miles away. Bill tells them the direction and the policies and leaves it up to them to produce results. He has a finger in many pies does Bill”

Just then Bill arrived with two more pints of beer.

“Has she been filling your head with my life story?”

“Sort of”

“Don’t believe everything she says”

“Hey, I’m not telling any porkies”

“No, just being economical with the truth no doubt. Why don’t you let the poor man find out for himself over the weekend?”

“I’m sure you will bend his ear when the time comes” said Liz sheepishly.

Bill grinned.

“In the meantime, two Black Beef Steaks are being cooked as I speak”

“Thanks Bill”

Charlie took another slightly larger sip of his first pint.

“I can’t understand Bill. He is a Lord and all that yet he works behind a bar in a pub”

“This is his pub by the way. It is his name on the license over the door”

“I take it he is wealthy”

“Charles, that is not a question you should ever ask. Especially when ‘old money’ is concerned”

Then Liz leaned over and whispered.

“About half a bill at last time I heard but that was more than five years ago”

Charles looked astonished.

He was about to say something but Liz stopped him.

“Shh. Don’t say a word. I owe him a lot. He got me the job on the Mag. If it wasn’t for him, I’d probably be pushing up daisies somewhere by now”

Charlie noticed that Liz felt the scars on her left wrist as she said that last sentence.

Charles sat back in the former church pew and downed the remainder of his first pint of proper English Beer. Liz was proving to be a far more complicated person than he’d ever imagined.

They sat in relative silence until Bill appeared again carrying their Lunches.

“I hope you enjoy this”, said Bill as he put the plates down on the table.

“This looks great Bill”, remarked Liz.

“Same here” said Charles.

Bill left them to eat their meal.

“What’s this Black Beef?”

“Oh that. It is a rare breed of beef. Welsh Black Mountain is the name. Bill has a herd not far away”

Charles cut his first slice. Then he put the knife down and transferred the fork to his right hand and began to spoon it into his mouth.

“Charles. If might be nice to use a knife and fork properly at least while we are here in England”

“What do you mean?”

“Here let me show you. We hold the fork in the left hand. The knife is held in the right. And there they stay. None of this cutting a bit and then spooning it into your mouth with the fork held in the right hand”

“Oh! Force of habit I suppose?”

“Yeah and it marks you out as an American wherever you go”

“Well, I am. What is wrong with that?”

Liz sighed.

“Now about, ‘when in Rome etc’?”

“Ok. I’ll try”

“Good. Now how’s the beef”

“Really good” replied Charles in between mouthfuls.

Liz beamed.

“Good. I knew you would like it”

“It just falls apart in the mouth”

“That is why is it so good.”

“Expensive?”

“Yes”

“Then I’ll pay for lunch”

Liz laughed.

“If you try to put even an American Cent on the bar of this place, Bill will have great pleasure in throwing you out himself. He would be mightily offended if you even tried”

“Why?”

“We are his guests. Until we leave on Monday, you should forget about even thinking of opening your wallet. Besides, the moths inside would not appreciate being exposed to the cold”

It took Charlie a few seconds to get the joke.

“Hey, who paid for the train tickets today?” he said grinning.

“Who paid for the Eurostar tickets?”

“Ok. Ok. I get the point. We are guests”

“Good. Now enjoy the meal. Everything on your plate comes from within 10 miles of here”

Charlie was too engrossed in eating to bother answering.

They left the Pub just after 1:30pm after saying goodbye to Bill who was busy serving the lunchtime trade.

“What did you think of Bill?” asked Liz.

“You obviously love him”

“Love? What do you mean?”

“Sorry. More like a deep, deep friendship. You obviously have a deep affection for each other. Nothing sexual. More like a Brother & Sister”

Liz was quiet for a while.

“I’ve never thought about it like that but I suppose you are right”

She turned the car off the road, through some imposing Iron gates and up a long drive towards their destination.

“Is that where we are going?” asked Charlie pointing at the huge mansion that appeared over the fields in front of them.

“Yep. That’s it. Brockworth Hall. There was a Castle here before it. The ruins are in those trees to the right. That was built the year after the Magna Carta was signed.”

“Just a little history then?”

“Just a little”, said Liz as she parked the car in front of the house.

“Kat, or Katherine, is not what you would probably be expecting. Just keep your thoughts to yourself for a while ok? I’ve known her longer than she’s known Bill. She helped me at a difficult point in my life”

“Ok. Lead on MacDuff” said Charlie remembering a similar situation on Long Island.

They both had a smile on their faces as they walked up to the front door.

As they approached, the door was opened and out stepped a man wearing a very smart suit and a shirt with a winged collar.

“Miss Elizabeth. How nice it is to have you back. Mistress Katherine is expecting you. She’s in the Conservatory”

Liz went up to him and kissed him on the Cheek.

“Hello Perkins. Still not taken your pension then?”

“Not yet Miss Elizabeth”

“Perkins, this is my friend & colleague Charles Everett”

“Pleased to meet you Mr Everett”, said Perkins.

“Thank you Perkins”, said a very surprised Charlie.

Perkins stood aside and let them into the house.

“Miss Elizabeth, shall I take your bags to your room?”

“Yes please Perkins”

She gave him the key as they walked through the hallway.

Charles peered at the huge portraits hanging on the walls. A huge curved staircase led upstairs.

“This place is huge,” he whispered.

“Yes. Sixteen bedrooms”

“Sixteen? Who uses them?”

“Back in the day when this place was built, families were much larger. Having eight or ten children was not uncommon. Today, only a few bedrooms are used. That is why I said that there would be no problem about us staying here”

“You are really a dark horse aren’t you?”

“Moi? Not really.”

“I don’t believe that for a second”

They reached the door to the conservatory.

“Remember what I said about your thoughts”

“Ok. Ok”, replied a slightly annoyed Charlie.

They entered the conservatory. It was full of plants, mostly orchids.

“I’m over here” came a voice from the depths of the room.

They made their way through the myriad of plants that seemed to cover almost every visible inch of the floor & Window Sills.

“Hi Kat” said Liz when she spotted her friend apparently sitting in a chair tending a plant.

“At last. It’s been far too long since your last visit. How long has it been?”

“A year” said Liz, as they got close.

Then Charlie saw that Kat was in a wheelchair. What was more, she had no legs.

Liz saw Charlie staring out of the corner of her eye.

“This is my friend Charlie. We are working on a project together”

Kat looked at Charlie and offered her hand to him.

Charlie had recovered enough to play the chivalrous Gentleman. He bent over and kissed the back of her hand gently.

“Pleased to meet you Kat. If I may call you that”

“If you called me anything else, I’d be chasing you around the place in an instant”

It took an instant then, Charlie got the joke.

“Ok. I get the joke”

“Good”, said Kat.

“Before you ask, I had a little altercation with a Bull. Liz here saved my life. I owe her so much more that even that”

Charlie was stunned.

“I’m sorry”

“Don’t feel sorry for me. I have life. A life I enjoy to the fullest I possibly can. What is there to be sorry about?”

“If you put it that way, there is nothing. Nothing at all”

“Good. Not another word”

“Kat, I have a question though”

She looked at him.

“If you are like you are how on earth are you Master of the Hunt?”

Kat laughed.

“A question from someone who does not hunt. Why don’t you wait until Saturday and you will find out?”

“Very well. I’ll wait”

“Excellent. Perkins will have some tea & cakes ready for us inside”

“We didn’t mean to interrupt your work here?”

“Nonsense. There is nothing here that can’t wait for another day”

Kat turned around and wheeled her chair back into the house through another entrance.

Perkins served them tea in the lounge. There was a splendid view over the lawns and down to a lake with trees beyond.

Charlie was admiring the view. He became aware of the two women chattering in hushed voices with many furtive glances in his direction.

He walked towards them smiling.

“I guess I was the subject of your conversation?”

Liz went red in the face.

Kat laughed.

“Liz has just been telling me all about your trip to Europe. I never thought of her as a budding Sherlock Homes but now maybe it is not so strange after all”

“Charlie deserves as much credit as I do”, exclaimed Liz.

“Modest as ever”, said Kat holding Liz’s hand.

Then to everyone’s complete surprise,

“Don’t be to long in making an honest woman of her?”

“Shh. Kat. There is time for hat sort of thing when our job is over”

“Just remember what your Auntie Kat said ok?”

“Yes I will”

When tea was over, Kat said,

“I’ll expect you will need to change for dinner. Give any dirty washing you may have to Perkins. Bill & I will see you at dinner. Perkins will sound the gong at 8pm”

*

Liz led the way upstairs.

“Which is my room?” asked Charlie.

“Our room”

“What?”

“We are staying in the same room. I think someone has gotten some wires crossed”

“I think so to”

“Do you mind”, asked Liz.

“Not if you don’t”

Liz smiled.

“Then we won’t say anything more about it”

Charlie changed the subject.

“What was all this about you saving her life? Something about a bull?”

Liz carried on unpacking her case while she replied.

“Kat was in a field collecting a wild orchid. When a Bull decided that she was a threat and charged. She was kneeling down so she didn’t her up quickly enough. The Bull ran over her legs and really made a mess of them. I was nearby and I got the Bull out of the way. Then I carried Kat to safety”

“Bloody hell Liz, you deserve a medal or something”

“Yeah. Yeah and then what would I do when the papers find out about me. This was between friends and we all want to keep it that way. End of story”

Charlie sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands.

He started sobbing quietly.

“What’s up?”

“You. That’s what’s up”

“Why me?”

“You are so fucking modest. That’s what”

“We are not like you ‘rah-rah’ Americans. We don’t whoop & holler at the slightest thing you know.”

“I’m beginning to learn that”

Liz took hold of his hand

“Don’t worry Charlie. This is the sort of thing you had to know. You had to know about me and what I am. Then you can make a decision about what you want. If that tallies with mine, then we can go to the next step”

“You are an amazing woman. You know that?”

Liz smiled.

“Thank you kind Sir”

Liz stood up and did a mock curtsey.

*

When they went down for dinner, Bill and Kat were already there.

What stunned Charlie was the fact that Kat was walking.

This surprised Liz just as much.

“Do you like them?” said Bill proudly.

“Shh Bill before I fall flat on my face”

Bill guided Kat into her seat.

“What gives Kat? You never said you were getting legs?”

Kat held Bill’s hand and said,

“They were my surprise Birthday Present. The Big Three Zero. I’ve not really got used to them yet. But it is really nice to be out of that chair once in a while. IT is nice to put on stockings again, wear nice long dresses and not always getting them tangled up in the chair”

“Well Kat, I think they are great, you look great”

She beamed.

“Then it was worth it. To have my dear friend tell me that is really nice”

Liz asked,

“Hasn’t Bill said much the same?”

“Oh yes. But who takes any notice of anything he says”

“Hey, I’m here you know”, protested Bill.

They all laughed and more importantly, relaxed.

Dinner was probably the best food they’d had on their entire trip.

Bill was very proud that almost everything they ate had almost zero food miles.

“The raspberries come from Kent or Scotland. I can’t remember which but everything else come from within 10 miles of this very house”

“I have to say Bill, that the food we have had since we arrived today has been better than almost anything I have ever had before”, said Charlie.

“Almost? I am so disappointed. What was better?” joked Bill.

“I think that would have to be the Maine Lobster that my Grandmother prepared for me as a child”

“That’s ok then. As we are more than 30 miles from the sea, I think we can be forgiven. But if you want to try your hand, you could catch us some trout for dinner tomorrow”

“Eh?”

Liz butted in.

“There is a fly fishing lake at the bottom of the garden. But beware. Don’t enter into any wagers with Kat. She is a champion fly caster”

Kat beamed.

“Not bad for someone who had never had a fishing rod in her hands until I married Bill”

“To my eternal regret. She walloped me from day one and has never let me get close since”, joked Bill.

The jollity carried on right through dinner and in the snooker room afterwards. Kat & Charlie, who was a total beginner at the game, won four frames out of five.

“You are a very competitive lady,” said Charlie as they sat down after the fifth frame.

“I like winning. What’s wrong with that?” came her reply.

No one argued with that.

*

Later in their room Charlie summed up the evening.

“Kat is a remarkable woman. She & Bill seem to be a really happy couple”

“Yeah. That’s what I thought when I set them up on a date”

“You?”

“Yep. Little old me. I was working in a bar in London just after I switched”

“Switched?”

“Yes. Switched. When I stopped being a man, changed my name, grew my hair and dumped all my old male clothes into a bin”

“Ok. I get it”

“Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I was working in this bar. Kat was also working there. We became friends instantly. One day, she comes into work in a real state. She had caught her long time live in boyfriend in bed with her so-called best friend. She threw them out and burnt all his stuff. Then she regretted it all”

“So how did you get them together?”

“I’m coming to that”

“She moped around for weeks. Then I thought that I might know someone who could get her out of this ‘fug’. So I called Bill. He was in town at some Lord’s committee meeting so I arranged for her to meet him on a blind date at a Restaurant in Victoria. He proposed to her 5 days later. The rest as they say is History”

“You must be proud?”

“Not proud. Pleased yes. I was able to help two friends. They have repaid me a million times over since so yes, I was pleased that it all worked out for them”

“Don’t they have kids?”

“Oh yes. Two. William & Edward. They are away at school. They are great kids. I’m their godmother”

“Really?”

“Yes. I was so honoured when I was asked”

“Do they know about you?”

“Everyone here does. I was brought up as a boy on this estate. It would be silly to hide it.”

“But now one seems to mind?”

“No. That is why this place is home to me. It will always be that way”

“That is what scares the devil out of me”

“What do you mean?”

“If we were to become a couple, could I get you to let go of this place?”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“I don’t know. That is what frightens me. You know doing the wrong thing”

“Yeah. It does me as well. That is why I wanted you to see this place. Meet the few real friends I have in the world. You have seen when we first came to Europe that I can get hurt easily. I have had a few bad relationships. I don’t want another. I hope you can even begin to understand that”

Charlie wrapped his arms around her and whispered,

“I’ll try not to break your heart. If I do, you have my permission to kill me ok”

Then for the first time, they kissed lovingly and passionately.

Then for the first time, Charlie made gentle passionate love to Liz.

[Continued in part 6]

Funny Business - Chapter 6, Meeting the Family

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

For the next two days, Liz showed Charlie around the place where she & Bill grew up. He began to understand what made her ‘tick’.

Kat & Bill left them to do their ‘own thing’ only meeting up again in the evenings and for lunch in the Pub. Bill tried very hard to get Charlie to agree to join in the Hunt that Saturday. While he had ridden horses since he was 10 years old, he had never done any cross-country riding. Cross-country was hardly the sort of riding that was done at a Country Club in the Hamptons!

Eventually, over breakfast on the Friday, he gave in and agreed to give it a try.

“Ok. I’ll give it a try. If I fall off then… well, I’ll be an observer tomorrow”

Liz was agreeable.

Charlie went off with Bill to sort out a horse and some suitable riding clothes. Liz stayed behind with Kat to have a chinwag.

“Ok Liz. Now that I’ve finally got you on your own you have to tell me everything”

Liz poured herself another cup of tea and sat down opposite Kat at the kitchen table.

“Well, it started like this…”

Liz began to speak.

Eventually and after two more pots of tea had been brewed and consumed, Kat asked the inevitable.

“Have you found Mr Right then?”

“I think so but for Christ’s sake, don’t tell him. We agreed to see this job through and then sort ourselves out”

“But you are sleeping together”

“Yes. Well we weren’t until we got here that is”

Kat went slightly red in the face.

“Oh. I’m sorry if I forced things a wee bit with the sleeping arrangements”

“Not in the slightest Kat. These few days have been just what we wanted after nearly a month on the road”

“What does your Editor think of you both skiving off like this?”

“He’s ok. We told him what we were going when we got here. Still, it’s back to the grindstone on Monday though”

“You know that both of you can stay as long as you like. I know the Boys would love to see their Auntie Liz.”

Liz had to admit that the house did seem rather quiet without her godsons.

“Can’t you wangle staying for Christmas & the New Year. We are having our usual New Years Eve Ball. It would be great if the pair of you could come.”

Liz sighed. She remembered the New Years Eve balls in the past.

“I’ll talk things over with Charlie. My guess is that he may want to spend it with his family but I don’t know what he plans or even if I’m included. Christmas has not even appeared on our Radar at the moment.”

“Please do try to make it. You will be amongst friends here.”

“Thanks Kat. I know”.

Liz took hold of Kat’s hand and squeezed it gently.

Liz changed the subject a bit.

“He really likes you. You are very different to pretty well any other woman he has ever met.”

“Yeah. He is a bit dishy himself”

“I think I have educated him on this new money and old money malarkey. His family is definitely new money”

“Good luck with that. It took me long enough to get my head around it”

Liz laughed.

“That didn’t stop you spending lots of it anyway”

They giggled.

“I know but that is all in the past as you well know. Things are rather different now. Once the boys came along. I just felt so at home. Well, you know that, you were here”

“Yes. Forgive me for saying it, once Edward was born, you became part of the furniture around here”

Kat laughed.

“I know what you mean. I shudder when I think of what happened down in London”

“Then you had your accident”

“Bad show that eh?”

“Yes. I’m only sorry that I didn’t get there sooner. If I’d done so then perhaps you would still have those wonderful legs of yours. They were always your big asset you know. I was always very envious of them especially when you wore those kinky boots.”

Kat suddenly became very serious.

“Liz, You didn’t have to go off like that you know. No one blames you for arriving just that little bit late. I’m thankful that you arrived at all. Ok, so I lost my legs from the knees down but at least I can see my children grow up. If you hadn’t arrived when you did I’d more than likely be pushing up the daisies right now”

Liz was equally sad.

“I’m sorry for running off to New York as well. I just felt so guilty about not being there sooner, that’s all”

“Look at it this way, if you hadn’t done a bunk off over the Pond like you did then you would never have met Charlie. So it’s not all doom & gloom”

Liz smiled and then she hugged her friend.

“Does he know how you saved me?”

“Only in general terms. I’m not telling him the details. He’d have a fit if I did”.

“Bill & I talked this over the other night. We won’t tell him unless you want us to”

“It is not something I want to be put up on a pedestal over ok?”

Kat held Liz’s hand.

“Your really do have it bad don’t you?”

“What?”

“You are so in love with him that you can’t bear telling him that you talked a sodding great bull into submission to save your best friend. You are so bloody annoying at times Liz.”

Kat looked Liz hard in the eye.

“Why won’t you ever take credit for being who you really are?”

“Because I don’t want any publicity. You see what happens to people in the news almost every day. The most intimate details of their private lives are splashed over the papers & on TV. Then their life is dissected in all its gory details. Think of the field days they’d have with me? Eh?”

“Ok. I know your reasons but it is sometimes very hard being your friend Liz. Very hard & very frustrating”

The two hugged each other. Then Liz did something that she’d not done for a long time, she kissed Kat. Not just a simple kiss. This was long and very passionate.

“You always were a great kisser Liz. I’d forgotten how good until now”

Liz went very red in the face.

“It was nice wasn’t it”

Kat laughed.

“Remember that bet we had. The day that Bill proposed to me?”

“Yeah. I remember”

They both giggled.

“I would have kept you to it you know”

Liz nodded.

“I know you would. But I knew instinctly that Bill was going to ask you so I felt able to agree to the bet”

“How about we kill of the men and go live somewhere together eh?” asked a grinning Kat.

They almost laughed themselves silly. They were still laughing when Bill & Charlie returned.

“Hey what’s so funny? Have you two been spying on my pitiful attempts at jumping hedges?”

In between giggles, Kat replied,

“No we’ve been planning to knock the pair of you off and go and live on a tropical island together”

Bill laughed as he knew about the bet.

Charlie felt distinctly left out.

“Won’t someone tell me what the joke is?”

Liz came to his rescue.

“I’ll tell you when we are a long way from here ok? You aren’t the subject of the joke. Far from it”

This seemed to placate him a bit.

“Enough about us. How did the riding go?”

Charlie’s face told it all.

“I’m afraid I wimped out. I got over a few but the one into the North side of 10 Acre field almost had me off and into 4ft of dirty cold water”

“You won’t be the first nor the last to come a cropper there” said Kat.

Then she turned to Bill.

“Trust you to take him over the worst jump in the district?”

“Hey. What about those hedges on Water Lane. They are even bigger”

“And who is setting the route for the hounds this time?”

“George Simpson. Why?”

“You know he won’t take the hounds anywhere near a big jump”

“I suppose so”, replied Bill.

“Unless they pick up the scent of a real Fox”, suggested Liz.

“Does that happen often?” asked Charles.

“Not any more. Before the Hunting Ban came in, we had lots of Foxes around here. The numbers were kept down by the Hunt. Since the ban came in the Gamekeepers are killing far more that the hunt ever did. It is just because of the damage they do to the Chickens & Geese on the farms”

“So I’m not likely to see a Fox around here?” Asked Charlie.

“Au Contraire my dear Charles. There is a Den less that 100yds from the house. The vixen raised three cubs last year. She and her offspring keep the mice & rats down. We don’t have any livestock around here so there is no sense killing them for no good reason is there”, said Kat.

Charlie couldn’t fault that argument.

“On most days, she will come around the kitchen door just before dusk looking for food. If you go out to the conservatory and sit quietly I’m sure you’ll see her”, added Bill.

Just then, Perkins announced that Lunch was ready.

As they walked into the dining room, Liz asked Charlie,

“Are you going to ride out tomorrow?”

“Are you?”

“Me? Not a chance. I love horses but riding them in the melee that is a Hunt is not my thing that’s all”

Out of the corner of her eye, Liz saw Kat mouthing the word ‘Liar’.

Liz just smiled back.

Charles said disappointedly,

“I guess I’ll be going on my own then”

“We won’t be far away”, said Kat.

*

The following morning Liz made sure that Charles was properly dressed for the event. Bill & Charlie mounted up and gathered with the rest of the Hunt in the centre of the Village.

Billy introduced Charlie to the rest of the riders while they drank from the stirrup cup and waited for the ‘off’.

Then Master of the Hunt made her appearance.

Kat arrived on her pure white stallion. She was mounted side-saddle with her legs totally hidden by a long black skirt.

She rode proudly into the middle of the riders. She looked really beautiful in her ‘Hunting Red’ Jacket and Black riding hat .

Everyone settled down to wait for her order.

When it was silent, Kat said at the top of her voice,

“As Master of this Hunt, I wish you all good hunting”.

Then she raised her hunting horn to her lips and gave a good blast.

The hounds set off following the scent that had been laid that morning. Within a few minutes, the village was relatively quiet once more. Liz followed the action from the relative warmth of a Land Rover. Kat was also following the hunt but taking the easy way and not jumping the really big hedges.

Liz really admired her and how she controlled the horse. She smiled inwardly as she remembered the day the Stallion had arrived at the house. It was totally uncontrollable. After 10 minutes of Liz working her magic, it was as docile as a ‘Rag Doll’ Cat. Since then Kat had ridden it at least once a week even after her accident.

The Hunt returned to the Village in time for many of the riders to down a couple of pints in the village inn.

Charles declared himself totally out-ridden by most of the others around him but satisfied with the ride he’d had.

That night, a ‘Hunt Dinner’ was held at the Hall for many of the people who rode with the hunt. Liz & Charles were the guests of honour and the centre of attention for many of the other guests as they hadn’t seen Liz since she left for New York.

Charles carried Liz upstairs just after 2am and they slept wrapped in each other’s arms until mid morning.

“Wake up sleepy head”, said a barely awake Liz.

“Go away. I’m sleeping” grunted Charlie.

“Can you lift up, you are lying on my arm and I need to have a pee”

Liz pulled hard and eventually extracted her arm from underneath Charlie’s body and headed for the bathroom.

When she returned she smiled. Charlie had turned over and was sprawled across the whole bed.

Liz went back to the bathroom and returned with a cold wet flannel. Then she proceeded to place gently on Charlie’s Face.

It lasted a few seconds before he woke up.

“Hey. What did you do that for?”

“Because my darling it is time to get up”

Then she kissed him long and hard.

Eventually, they wandered downstairs for breakfast. Well, more like an early lunch as it was nigh on midday.

“Hi there sleepyheads” said a very cheery Bill as they entered the Breakfast room.

“Any coffee going?” asked Charlie trying to stifle a yawn.

“There’s plenty in the pot. Kat is out in the Conservatory. There was some damage caused by the guests last night”

“Oh. Was there a lot?”

“I’m afraid so. “

Liz poured herself a cup of Coffee and said,

“I’ll go and give her some help”

Charles tried to stand up and go with her.

“Stay here Charles”, suggested Bill.

“I need to have a word with you”

Slightly puzzled, Charles sat down.

“What’s up?”

“I have to leave later. I’m needed in the House of Lord’s for a committee meeting tomorrow morning. I wanted just to have a little chat with you before I go”

Charles waved his hand.

“Let me guess, you are going to give me the ‘don’t you hurt my little girl’ talk”

Bill smiled.

“Almost”

“Look Bill, I guess it is obvious the I love her. Yeah I know about her past and all that. Frankly, I don’t care. She is more feminine than pretty well any woman I know or have ever known. I think she loves me. In a few months, when this job is over I’ll ask her to marry me and live with me for the rest of our lives”

“What about your family? Won’t there be pressure for you to produce a Charles Everett 7^th?”

“Yes. Yes there will be but I’ve given this an awful lot of thought recently. I’m prepared to leave New York, Maine and everything behind. Besides, there is always Adoption isn’t there?”

Bill stood up and walked around the table and offered his hand to Charles.

While they were shaking it, Bill said,

“You know that if you hurt her I’m going come after you and kill you.”

“That goes without saying Bill. What loving brother wouldn’t?”

“Good. Now that is done with, I have a bottle of very nice 40yr old Single Malt that I think could do with emptying a bit”

Together, they disappeared into the Games Room where Bill introduced him to the game of Snooker.

*

Monday Morning saw the pair reluctantly say goodbye to Kat and head back to London. Liz drove the car back towards Wellingborough and the train to St Pancras they both felt a little sad.

Bill said.

“Thank you for letting me get to know your family. It was nice, very nice. I am starting to see how you tick”

Then he put his hand on her thigh.

“Thank you for letting me into your life. ” he said again very softly.

*

A week later, they had everything they needed for the magazine and flew home.

This time, they both flew 1^st Class.

“I could get used to this”, said Liz as she downed her 2^nd glass of Champagne.

“Glad you like it”

After a while, Liz said,

“I’ve been thinking about the project. A lot of thought indeed. Many things are clear in my mind”

“Only good things I hope. We have lots of stuff to be working on until well into next year”

“That’s all very well. But there is nothing more than memories and what you lawyers say, circumstantial proof and that is what is troubling me”

“I’m sure that what we have already will be enough when the times comes”

“Well, I’m not. I think I have a way of making it conclusive”

“Can’t this wait until we get home?”

“I want to tell you. Then you can think on it ok”

Somewhat reluctantly, Charles said,

“Go ahead”

“I never told you what I was doing in London when I was working in the Bar where I met Kat and all that”

“I just assumed you were just working there”

“No. I was working in the bar part time. The rest of the time, I was a student”

“Like lots of people I’m sure”

“Yes. But unlike the others, I was a Design Student at Chelsea College of Art & Design”

Charles was suddenly very interested.

“I was in my final year but I dropped out when I had the operation”

“I’m so sorry. I’m sure you would have made a great designer”

“Cut the crap Charlie. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I know that I was just about getting by”

“So what happened?”

“The operation had some complications. I spent a month in Hospital. I still had these dreams. So I did all the preparations for actually making the clothes for the end of year show”

“Do you still have them?”

Liz nodded.

“Where are they?”

“In the hold”

“What do you mean in the hold?”

“They are in my suitcase”

Charlie didn’t say anything.

“I didn’t know until that first night after we left Bill & Kat. She must have had Perkins put them into my luggage while we were having breakfast the day we departed. I’d forgotten I’d left them there all those years ago. I’ve been giving the whole matter a lot of thought. We need as you lawyers are so fond of saying, to put this beyond all reasonable doubt.”

“What’s the grand plan then?”

Liz smiled and held Charlie’s hand.

“You aren’t going to like this but it means we will be going back to London”

Charlie almost fell out of his seat with laughter.

“Now why didn’t I see that one coming?”

Then he added.

“Pilot, stop the plane, we want to get off”

They both laughed themselves silly.

[Continued in part 7]

Funny Business - Chapter 7, A Plan is Born

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamamthaMD)

The couple arrived back in New York in good spirits. They met up with Jake at the house in Southampton and briefed him on the work done so far. He gave them the thumbs up and asked them to put the whole thing into some sort of order. This seemingly simple job took them two whole weeks. They were both surprised on the amount of evidence they had collected all over Europe.

Then before either of them had realised, it was Christmas.

After a lot of arm-twisting from his Mother, Charlie went up to Maine to spend the holidays with his parents. Liz was unable to get a flight to London for ‘love nor money’ so Liz had to spend the holidays alone once again.

Determined not to mope around, she occupied her time cooking and cleaning.

Liz sat down to a nice meal on Christmas Day which was to be followed by an afternoon watching a couple of ‘Chick Flick’ DVD’s that were her Christmas present to herself.

It was just getting dark when her Phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hello darling”

It was Charles.

“Happy Christmas to you darling”

“No. I didn’t get your present” she said in a rather sad voice.

“I’m glad you liked mine. It took a lot of effort to find something just right”

“Yes. Kat called earlier. They send their best wishes”

“I miss you. Goodnight. Happy Christmas”

She closed the phone and sat sobbing in the gathering gloom.

*

Liz cried herself to sleep that night. Being alone without Charles by her side after these past months together was proving very difficult. She knew that he would be with his family in Maine until the 2^nd January. There would be more nights like the last.

The feeling of loneliness came back that evening. Liz was just about to go to bed when her phone rang.

It was Charles.

“Hi Charles” she said with a big sigh in her voice.

“Would you like to go and open your front door”?

“Why? It’s just after 10pm?”

“To let me in silly”

Liz threw the phone down and literally ran to the door.

There was Charles standing there with a huge present in his hands.

He didn’t have much time to give it to her as she was all over him. Kissing almost every part of his body that she could reach.

Neither of them got much sleep that night. When they eventually did fall asleep, the bedroom and much of the house looked as if a Tornado had ripped its way through it room by room.

Liz was cooking breakfast when Charlie surfaced.

“Afternoon sleepyhead”

“Is it that time already?”

“Nearly”

“Who cares? I certainly don’t”

“Good. Then you will have time to eat this”

Liz put a plate of Ham, Eggs and Hash Browns in front of him.

“What’s all this?”

“Brunch. Well, sort of”

“Thanks but you know me & breakfast. I don’t”

“This is a fine thank you for all my trouble. Besides, you ate good breakfasts at Bill’s didn’t you?”

“Ok. But I’ll have to work it off later”

“Didn’t you have enough of a work out last night?”

He grinned back at her.

“Ok. I’ll stop complaining. You win”

“Good. Now tuck in. Next time I’ll do some proper potatoes. The excuses you have for them over here are really appalling”

“Suddenly you are a food expert?”

“Not really, but I did win 1^st prize at the Village Flower & Produce show five years in a row for best Potatoes”

“How old were you when you first won?”

She thought for a second.

“I think I was Seven or Eight” said a beaming Liz.

Charlie finished his Brunch and together they did the dishes.

“When are you going to get around to actually giving me my pressie”?

“Go and get dressed. Put on that tight short skirt you bought in Paris.”

“I’m impressed that you even noticed that I had. Weren’t you chatting up that shop assistant at the time?”

“Well I did ok? And I wasn’t chatting her up. She was coming onto me ”

Liz did as she was told and half an hour later, she walked into the Lounge.

“Here I am as ordered Master”

Charlie stood up and picked up the package he arrived with the previous night.

“This is for you. I thought it would go with that skirt which if I maybe be permitted to say, looks pretty good on you”

“I bet you say that to all the girls”

Charlie laughed.

“Only one I promise”

“Ok. I believe you”

She unwrapped the package.

Inside a cardboard box was a pair of black leather high-heeled boots.

“Oh. They’re lovely”

“Aren’t you going to put them on for me”?

“Patience. Patience.”

She smiled and kissed him on his nose.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes. Don’t go anywhere. Ok?”

“I’ll be here”

Liz almost ran to her bedroom and hurriedly stripped off her skirt & knickers. The she rummaged through her knickers drawer for a suspender belt. She put in on and then carefully put on a pair of black 15 denier stockings. Then she dabbed a little perfume around her vagina before slipping the skirt on once more.

Then calmly, she walked back into the lounge.

“I thought these might work better if you want me to be tarty?”

Charlie didn’t say anything. The bulge in his pants did all the talking for him.

“I can see you approve. Just get this straight buster, all this is for your eyes-only ok. There is no way I’m wearing this getup outside”

“That’s fine by me”

“Good. Then you can put the boots on for me”

As Charlie lovingly put them on and kissing the soft leather as he did so, she realised that he was a secret ‘boot lover’. This might get interesting.

“They are a bit high but I’m sure if you ask me kindly I’ll wear them enough to get used to them”, said Liz tottering slightly in the 6in heels.

“Do I have to ask?”

“Yes. You bought them for me. Why shouldn’t you?”

Charlie didn’t answer. He kissed Liz who was now the same height as him.

Then she led him into the bedroom, her heels sounding magnificent on the wooden flooring.

*

Much later, they lay in bed cuddled together.

“I’m hungry,” said Liz

“I take it you want to be taken out to dinner”

“Yes Please”

“As long as you wear the boots”

“With a more appropriate skirt though”

“And some knickers”

Liz laughed.

“Well, what are you waiting for, go run me a bath. I’m a rather sticky in a few places.”

Sometime later over dinner Liz asked,

“What excuse did you give your Family for deserting them?”

“I said I had a date”, grinned Charles.

“Well that part is true. Didn’t they ask who and what family your date was from?”

“Mother started to but my father said, ‘Leave the chap alone. He is old enough to date whoever he wants. I don’t care but whoever it is, from what I’ve seen, she is certainly making him happy’”

“So he came to your rescue then?”

“For the time being”

Then Charlie looked at Liz seriously.

“On the journey up to Maine, I did some thinking. Thinking about us”

Liz was dreading this moment. She had been there before. Before, it all fell apart.

“I want us to get married and leave here completely. Start somewhere new. To hell with my family and their poncy stuck up country club ideals. ”

The beaming smile on her face told him everything he wanted to know.

“Being with Bill & Kat really opened my eyes about so very many things. They are a fantastic couple. I told my parents about all about them and out visit. They didn’t believe a word, well Mom didn’t but most times Dad does what she says. Anyway, on Christmas day, Dad said that he’d done some checking and found that I wasn’t telling any fibs or exaggerations. He started to treat very differently to me after that.”

He continued.

“On Christmas night, I lay there thinking that if I introduced you to them Dad would do the same checking. You were right. It wouldn’t do us any good. So the only way out is for me to break with them completely”

“Oh Charlie. That is so wonderful but how can I ask you to do that. They are your flesh and blood”

“I know. I know all that. But meeting Bill & Kat and how welcome they made me really struck home. There were no airs & graces. Just down to earth people getting on with their lives. Ok they have a Butler. But I’m sure you will agree that Perkins is really more like a member of the family rather than just a servant. You are part of that family whether you like it or not. I’d very much like to be part of it as well. You really don’t know how much impact that frankly crazy English pair has made on me. I can see their impact in you. In your outlook on life, none of you overtly court publicity. If my parents were in their shoes, things would be so different”

“Isn’t Bill a helluva lot wealthier than your family? Surely that makes a difference?”

Charlie shook his head.

“Dad sold his share in the law firm some 10 years ago for $25 million. But yes, he’s not in Bills league but I couldn’t help but remember what you said about old money and new money and my generation. That really struck a chord over the holidays. You were so right. To the likes of Bill & Kat, getting more and more money is not the be-all and end-all of life.”

“So what happens next?” asked Liz somewhat bewildered by the past few minutes.

“Well, we must finish the job. If we are still on speaking terms at the end of it all, then I’d like very much to marry you. Then we can quit our jobs and go find ourselves somewhere. Start a new life together and on our own terms.”

“What would we live on when just gone and quit our jobs?”

“My trust fund has enough for a few years at least. Then? Well we’ll just have to see won’t we?”

Liz sealed the deal with a long kiss. It was so long that several of the diners at adjacent tables gave them a little round of applause when they broke it off.

*

They got back down to work on the 2^nd January after seeing the New Year in on he Beach out beyond Montauk under the stars.

Jake came over the following day for a formal presentation of their findings so far.

“Is it enough? Will it stick?” were his words at the end of the presentation.

“Here’s where I’m afraid, we do disagree,” said Liz.

“I don’t think there is. Charlie thinks opposite”

Jake thought for a moment or two.

“My first reaction is to side with Charlie. But knowing Liz, I think you have a plan that will make doubly sure”

Liz grinned.

“Yes. As a matter of fact, I do have a plan. It will involve quite a few favours being called in but I think it will work”

Liz looked at them.

“I really don’t want to know the gory details. Just keep me informed ok.” Said Jake.

Then he smiled at them.

“And for god’s sake don’t get yourselves in trouble. By all accounts there are more than a few unsavoury characters involved here”.

They both readily agreed.

“Now about you two. I take it you are an item now?”

Their smiles told him that his guess was true.

“Then I take it then Liz that when this is over you won’t be coming back to work?”

“I very much doubt it”

“I am sad naturally but I think you two will make a good couple”

He looked sheepish for a while.

“I have a bit of a confession to make. I was the one who suggested the two of you for this. I thought you might get along together and it turns out you have”

“It hasn’t been all plain sailing you know?” complained Liz

“That was to be expected. I know all about the incident with the tickets. But from what I’ve seen today, that is long forgotten. Just one thing though?”

“What?”

“Just remember to invite me to the wedding. Ok?”

“We will. That you can be sure of”

*

In the middle of January, they flew back to London and landed in the middle of a blizzard. Naturally, the whole country came to a virtual standstill but somehow they made it to Bill’s Flat not far from Victoria Station before later afternoon.

“I’m glad we arranged to borrow this place from Bill. My guess is that most of the hotels are pretty full”, said Charlie as he started to unpack his case.

“Luck. Pure luck but it’s not a bad place is it?”

“Who pays for this place? The taxpayer I’ll wager?”

Liz laughed.

“Nope. In the Lords, the Peer only get expenses for the days they attend. From my memory, he owns the whole block. All part of the family property portfolio. Nowhere near as big as the Duke of Westminster though but sizeable”

“What does this Duke chap own?”

“Only the freehold to about half of Mayfair amongst other places. They’ve owned it for centuries”

“Old money?”

“Very Much. Dates back to the 16^th or 17^th Century if not before.”

“What do you want to do today?”, asked Charlie a bit later.

“Go and have a snowball fight in St James’s Park”, came the reply.

“Ask a silly question” he sighed.

“Not a silly question or and answer. Get your coat. It is just what we need after sitting in a flying tube for 8 hours.”

Two hours later, they sat down to a pub lunch in St James’s tired out. Not from the flight or the stress of getting into Central London but from the exercise they had taking part in a mass snowball fight in the park. They both had rosy glows on their cheeks.

“I’m ready for this”, said Bill downing most of a pint of London Pride in one go.

Liz smiled.

“Are you developing a taste for English Beer by any chance?”

“I think I am. It certainly has a lot more body than most American beers.”

Liz laughed and chalked another one up for her side of the Atlantic.

“You are becoming a bit of an Anglophile aren’t you?”

Charlie smiled.

“I have a good teacher so why what’s so wrong with that?”

“Have you thought about where we should live when this is all over”?

“I can’t help noticing your increasingly liberal use of the word ‘we’” said Charlie just after he’d finished the pint and licked the froth off his top lip..

Without waiting for an answer, he disappeared back to the bar for refills.

“As I was saying…”

“Yes. Am I that obvious?”

“Yes. That aside, I have given the matter some thought. My guess is that you’d like to live in this sometimes Green & Pleasant Land?”

“That’s the bit I’m having a problem with. Part of me says, stay near to what you know. Part of me says go somewhere exotic”

“Exotic? Like a beach cottage in Brazil?”

They laughed at that suggestion as one of Liz’s fellow journalists was going there on their honeymoon.

“Almost but not quite”

“Where then?”

“How about the middle of Australia?”

“What will all those sheep?”

Liz laughed.

“They speak a form of English. The beer’s crap, well not like this brew that is for sure.”

“How about a Scottish Island? The same can apply there really”

“Don’t you say that too loudly”?

“What do you mean?”

“About the beer being crap. Half the Barmen in London hail from Austrailia.”

They both laughed and toasted each other.

Just then their pub lunch arrived. After lunch, they walked back through the park where the remnants of the snowball fight was still continuing, to the flat. It wasn’t long after dark when the jet lag kicked in and they retired for the night.

The following day they were feeling much refreshed. In late morning they headed for the College where Liz had studied some years before. They had an appointment with the Dean.

“Dr Jenkins. Please to meet you”, said Liz as they were shown into his office.

“This is my colleague, Charles Everett”

“Please sit down. My secretary tells me that you were once a student here?”

“Yes. Some 5 years ago. I didn’t finish my course though. I had a medical problem during my final year”

“Do you want to come back and do it again then?”

“Not really. As I said on the phone, I am working for an American Fashion Magazine. Charles is one of the Lawyers for the Magazine”

Dr Jenkins’s face dropped.

“A Lawyer eh? That sounds like trouble? Has one of our current crop of students done something that is going to embarrass the College?”

Liz smiled.

“Not at all. This is about something totally different.”

There was a slight pause.

“We believe that a leading US Fashion Designer is copying, plagiarising, stealing or whatever you like to call it the works of students who fail to make the grade in places like this”

Dr Jenkins looked puzzled.

“I don’t quite understand what exactly you are saying”

“Take me for example. I dropped out in my final year. Let us suppose that I had done all the work for my final collection. Drawings, the manufacture, everything. Then I mess up the exams, got pregnant or whatever, I don’t get a degree and I don’t get a job in the fashion industry. Then purely, for arguments sake, I go back to working in a bar. Clear so far?”

“Yes I think so”

“Good. Then some six months later, the designs that I so carefully worked on all those months suddenly appear on a Catwalk in New York. The ‘designer’ who is putting on the show takes all credit for the designs. What would you say then?”

“That someone somewhere has to put in bluntly, ripped you off”

Liz smiled.

“That is exactly what I’m on about”

“Are we talking about your designs here?”

“Not exactly”

Liz nudged Charles on the arm. It was his turn to speak.

“We have collected evidence that this designer has as you so eloquently put it, ripped off at least 9 people all around Europe in this way. So far, we can find no evidence of anyone from this establishment being robbed in this way”

“Ok. I think I get all that. They why are you here?”

“To put it bluntly Dr Jenkins, we are going to set a trap and for that we need your help”, said Charles quite confidently.

He sat and thought for a while.

“Even if I could swing this with the board, how could I get a student here to risk this”

“We’d prefer that as few people as possible were in on the operation but that is your call,” said Charles.

He continued.

“All we need is, and with their permission naturally and help is to use the name of a student who has dropped out in their final year. We would use the work Liz did on her collection as the bait. The key is that the Student is Totally Genuine. Then if any work was stolen it wouldn’t be anything to do with any of your current students. Naturally, the student would be paid for their assistance”

“On the other hand” said Dr Jenkins,

“This could be just an elaborate ploy for Liz to get her work seen”

Liz grinned.

“We have thought of that Dr Jenkins. We have brought just a little of the evidence we have gathered for you to review here & now. That, we hope will convince you that this is not a trick on out part”

“In that case, please show me what you have got.”

Half an hour later, Dr Jenkins was totally convinced.

“That is quite convincing. Why don’t you use that? Surely that is adequate enough proof?”

“It is all pretty circumstantial. This final part of the jigsaw will catch them in the act so to speak. Naturally, they might not take the bait from here and use work from some other unfortunate student but this is a risk we are willing to take”

Dr Jenkins thought carefully.

“I need to talk to a few people before I can make a decision. Give me a few days and I’ll let you know if we are willing to help you out. Is that fair enough?”

“Certainly Dr Jenkins. A few days it is then. We are here in London for the rest of the week.”

With that the meeting broke up.

Once outside, Charlie said anxiously,

“Why didn’t you tell them about Bill?”

“I thought it better that he finds out for himself. There is nothing worse than being forced into making a decision”

“Granted but what will Bill say about you?”

“Why don’t you ask him? He should be at the flat by now. He is down for sitting tomorrow?”

“You had all this planned didn’t you?”

Liz grinned.

“Not all of it. I was going to mention Bill in the meeting but I thought better of it half way through. Besides, I haven’t spoken with either of them in detail about this.”

Charlie stood there feeling that he’d been out manoeuvred yet again.

Bill wasn’t there when they got back to his flat but arrived a few hours later.

Liz explained the meeting at the college to him and then the full details of what they proposed.

“Charlie, you should be proud of Liz and her ‘cunning plan’”

Both Bill & Liz saw the joke but Charlie missed it completely.

Even after an explanation, he failed to get it all.

That evening the three of them watched several episodes of the BBC show ‘Blackadder’ while eating Pizza and drinking beer. At the end of the evening, Charlie said,

“Ok, so this Baldric guy has all these ideas that are doomed to failure. So why is it funny in our context?”

Liz piped up,

“Because my darling, it is purely British Humour. It means the total opposite to what it means in the TV Show”

“Can I bang my head against the wall now?” joked Charlie.

“That’s one bit of humour he gets then?” joked Bill.

Bill agreed to go along with the plan so everyone went to bed happy.

As they lay in bed, Charlie said to Liz,

“Will I ever understand you?”

“Nope”

“Good. Now give me a kiss”

[Continued in Part 8]

Funny Business - Chapret 8, Setting the Trap

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

As promised, a few days later, the Dean called Charlie to let him know the decision.

“Great news”, said Charlie when he closed his phone.

“They agreed then?” replied Liz slightly disinterested.

“Just as we predicted”

“Great. Now all we need is a student to go along with this”

“The Dean says he has someone in mind”

“Did he say why they were dropping out?”

“Yeah. Money or the lack thereof plus the lack of jobs for the graduates”

“Sounds good to me”

“He is going to email the details later today”

*

The following Monday, they met the student.

2>

“Yaroslav Chiles?”

“That’s me,” said the student sitting in the Pub not far from the college.

“Hi. I’m Liz and this is Charlie”

“Pleased to meet you” he said offering his hand.

“Can we get you another pint?”

“Sure. Stella please”

Charlie went to get their drinks while Liz slid into the booth.

“Did the Dean outline our proposal”?

“Yeah. I think I get it. Some guy is ripping off students design as his own. Neat if you can get away with it”

“Yes. Got it in one”

“Did you want my designs? They really aren’t all that good. I’m more into textiles I’m afraid. Bit of a bummer that. I chose the wrong options and can’t afford to come back next year to do the right things”

“What if we were able to make that possible? The money side of things I mean?”

“Sounds Cool”

Just then Charlie returned with three pints. Two of ‘Pride’, one of ‘Stella’.

As he sat down, Liz said.

“I’ve been outlining the deal. Yaroslav here seems agreeable in principle”

“That is great news”

“Hey, you are an American. How are you in on this?”

Liz smiled but it was Charlie who answered.

“We work for an American Magazine. I’m one of their lawyers and Liz here is on the Fashion side”

“I don’t trust Lawyers. They are the only people to gain from other’s dispair.”

Charlie smiled.

“I’m not that sort of Lawyer. I’m a corporate lawyer. Contracts and that sort of stuff. Which is why we are prepared to back the offer with a contract so that everything is clear on both sides”

“What do I really have to do here?”

Liz took a large gulp of the beer.

“What you have to do is not drop out of the year. Then you have to use a set of designs that we’ll provide as your own work in the hope that they get ripped off. In return, you will get your tuition fees for next year paid plus a sum of money to be agreed upon”

“But I’m ripping off someone else’s work as well?”

“Not if the designer gives you written permission”

“What about the college? What if they find out? They’ll kick me out in not time flat.” He said forgetting that the Dean was in on the deal.

“The Dean will be a signatory to the contract. If they know what’s going on then they can hardly object can they? Besides, there is no monetary risk to them”

“What if the designs I’m given to use are crap? Then there is little chance of them being ripped off”

“As you put it so eloquently, there is a chance that they could be crap. Why don’t you take a peek at one of two and make up your mind”

“Fair enough”, said Yaroslav wiping some beer foam from his top lip.

Liz opened her briefcase and pulled out three folded pieces of paper.

“Please take a look and let us know what you think”, said Liz as she pushed the papers over the table.

Yaroslav spent almost five minutes going over them before he said another word.

“Well, they aren’t crap. Pretty good actually but a little dated for here & now”

Liz’s heart dropped.

“Can they be updated?”

“With a bit of work yes. I’d need to work with the designer though”

Charlie smiled.

He finished the rest of his pint and stood up.

“I’d best leave you two to it then. I think I’ll head for the gym”

Then he was gone.

“I don’t quite follow?”

“I’m the designer. I was a student at the college a number of years ago. I didn’t finish my course”

“Fuck. You could have told me before I said what I did”

Liz smiled.

“Don’t worry about that. You are perfectly correct in your observations. That is why I spent most of the weekend updating them”

Yaroslav looked relieved.

“Why don’t you finish your beer and we can go back to where we are staying and we can get to work. Unless of course you have something else you would rather be doing?”

“We have to agree the contract. Shouldn’t that be done first?”

“Charlie will be joining us in a couple of hours. I’m sure you two can sit down then and sort out the money. Then the two of you can take it to the Dean tomorrow. If he agrees it then we are all set. How does that sound?”

“Fair enough”

Half an hour later, Liz was showing Yaroslav her updated designs.

“These are much more relevant. They are actually quite good”

“Thanks. Do you think you can pull of the stunt?”

“What about lying about my failure and all that?”

“Yes”

He smiled.

“It’s not really a lie anymore but yes. Everyone on the course knows I’m about to quit. All the really talented people already have jobs lined up. There are a few of us who are in the same boat as me”

“Would changing to textile design offer a better chance of a job?”

“Certainly. It is what my parents hoped for. They run a small mill in Croatia but I rebelled and wanted to be a designer. That did not work out very well”

“Your English is very good”

“I was born here. My parents left Croatia before I was born and went back a few years ago to take over the family business. They always need a designer to work with the customers. That is the ‘get out of jail free card’.”

“What would you do if you dropped out?”

“I work in a bar part time. Maybe I could do that”

Liz laughed.

When she had recovered, Yaroslav asked.

“What is so funny about that?”

Liz replied grinning.

“Been there. Done that. Got the ‘T’ shirt. It is a dead end. It took a lot of luck for me to get out of that”

“I get the message. Thanks for the warning”

There was a moments pause as they both prepared to get down to business.

“Now that you’ve seen my designs, do you think you can make these up for the show? I can let you have about half of the ‘collection’ that could be updated”

He smiled when he heard the last part.

“I think so.”

He sat for a few minutes thumbing through the designs.

“There is quite a lot here. But how will you prove that they are yours? In the end this is what it is all about?”

“They will be photographed and then secured out of harms way. All this will be witnesses and verified by some people with impeccable credentials. Then they will be notarised along with a copy of the contract. Don’t worry; Charlie has been very thorough in making that part of the plan solid. It really depends upon the agent of the rip off merchant. They might not take the bait. That is the risk we are taking.”

“But I’ll still get paid even if they don’t?”

“Oh yes. It will be in the contract. If you play your part then that is all we can ask of you”

“Great.”

He continued thumbing through the designs.

“I’m going to need some help”

He pulled one design to the top.

“This one for instance. I am not very good with Leather. It is not my favourite material.”

“Would I do as an assistant?”

Yaroslav laughed.

“Why didn’t I think of that?”

Charlie appeared on the scene a while later clutching the draft contract in his hand.

“Take this and read it through. It is pretty simple. Let us know tomorrow if everything is ok?” said Charlie handing him a document.

“How will I let you know?”

“The last page contains all the contact information you will need”

Yaroslav looked at the last page.

“It’s got the Dean’s name on here. You weren’t kidding”

“Yes. As we have said all along, he has bought into this thing and has other contacts he can use if needed.”

Then Liz spoke up.

“I’m going to be helping Yaroslav make up some of the clothes”

Charlie looked disappointed.

“While we can stay here, it is hardly fair to turn Bills London Pad into a garment factory” said Liz in a matter of fact way.

“So you’d like me to find somewhere for you guys to work for a couple of months?”

Charlie smiled and replied very tongue in cheek.

“And to think I spent all those hours studying law to become a realtor. Oh the comedown” he feigned.

Liz added.

“I’m sorry Yaroslav. Charlie here does over play the melodrama a bit at times”

“It’s ok. My sister is at Drama School. That was nothing compared to some of her antics as a teenager.”

Then he added,

“The flat next to mine is empty. Why not see if that is suitable and available?”

“Where is it?”

“Over the River. Not far from the Elephant”

Liz laughed.

“That’s where I lived when I was a student”

“What’s this Elephant you keep mentioning?” asked Charlie.

“The Elephant & Castle.” Came the reply from both Liz & Yaroslav.

*

[Two months later]

“Well, that’s it Liz. Everything is finished” said a very tired buy happy Yaroslav.

“And with a week to spare”

“Yes. I’m glad that’s over”

“I think we deserve a break”

“Don’t you want to go back to New York to see Charlie? I know you miss him”

“He’s off with his family for a week. How about a trip to the country?”

“Whereabouts?”

“Leicestershire. Not that far away really”

“What’s up there?”

“Two very good friends of mine. One of which has an interest in this project”

“Who?”

“The Vice Chancellor of your College”

“Isn’t that Lord Hardcastle?”

“Yes. He’s a good friend of mine. I’m sure he’d like to meet you”

Yaroslav looked a bit disappointed.

“I think I might have to say no. I’d like to go and see my parents”

“That’s fine. Families come first”

“Sorry about that”

“No. I should probably have mentioned it earlier. Billy is keen to meet you. And Kat, his wife wants to see the clothes but I told her that she will have to come to the show”

[A month later]

Liz was still up in Leicestershire. Charlie had been over for a flying visit but was back in New York for a week when Liz’s phone rang.

“Hi Yaroslav. What’s up”?

She listened intently.

“That’s great news. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Then she dialled Jake.

“Hi Jake. I think we have liftoff!”

[Continued in part 9]

Funny Business - Part 9, The Trap is Sprung

by

Samantha Michelled Davies (SAmanthaMD)

As soon as Liz had got off the phone with Yaroslav & Jake, she didn’t hesitate in calling Charlie even though it was 6am in New York.

“Good Morning Sleepy Head. Time to get going”

“What’s wrong”?

Liz laughed.

“Out on the ‘raz’ again eh? Yeah, I’ll wait for you to get decent. I really don’t know why, it is not as if I can see you from this side of the Pond”

She waited patiently for nearly a minute.

“Ok, Yaroslav said that this guy was interested in the designs earlier. He said that this guy was asking about what he was going to do after he graduated. Yaroslav told him that he was going back to Croatia to work in the family business”

“I think it is very much as we’d hoped”

“According to Yaroslav, the guy was interested in possibly offering him a job and would be back tomorrow”

“Look Charlie, I know you don’t count you chickens and all that”

“I know it has been nearly six months”

“Yes Jake. I promise I’ll play it cool”

Late that evening, Liz was at Heathrow’s T5 waiting for Charlie’s flight to arrive.

His flight was a little late landing. The place was nearly empty when the Arrivals Indicator changed to say ‘Baggage in Hall’.

Charlie was almost the first passenger to appear.

Liz ducked under the barrier and leapt into his arms.

“I’ve missed you so much”

“Me too”

“How was the flight?”

“I couldn’t wait until it landed. When the Seat Belt sign went on I almost got up an and tried to open the cabin door”

“What stopped you?”

“I still had my seat belt on”

Liz kissed Charlie again.

“Come on let’s get out of here”

Liz led Charlie out to the Taxi rank and they grabbed a cab to take them into London.

They didn’t talk much but Charlie was able to tell that Liz was pleased to see him by how tightly she held his arm.

That night, they didn’t make love but just held each other and kissed. There was just no need to go any further.

They slept late the following morning. Neither wanted to be first to get out of bed. Eventually, Liz had to run to the bathroom leaving Charlie alone in the nice warm bed.

The smell of breakfast cooking eventually forced him to get out of bed.

“I thought that might get you stirring”, joked Liz after she kissed him.

“I’ve really missed this”

“What ‘this’?”

“Being here with you and you making breakfast”

“Me too. Everything about being with you. God I’ve missed you so much”

“Well, I’m here now and we have things to do”

“Yes. Lets discuss this over breakfast”

“Where did you agree to met Yaroslav?”

“At a pub near Southwark Bridge”

“Why there?”

“Because the show is being setup in a Warehouse nearby”

“Ok. Lets go”

“Like that?”

Charlie was stark naked. He suddenly realised his predicament.

“Well in a few minutes then”

“I’ll be a just a little bit longer getting ready. I have to put on my beauty face. Besides, we don’t have to be there until midday”

“You are beautiful what ever face you put on”

“Fibber” said Liz before rushing to the bathroom ahead of Charlie.

They took the Tube to Southwark and began walking towards Bricklayers Arms. Suddenly Liz grabbed Charlie’s arm and stopped walking.

“I can’t go that way”

“Eh?”

“I can’t go down there”

“Why?”

“Because. Just because! Please. We need to go another way”

Charlie saw something in Liz’s face that really worried him.

“Sure Liz. We can go another way”

They found another way to the warehouse by walking past the Globe Theatre.

When they arrived, Charlie said.

“You go on in. I have a phone call to make”

“Ok. I’ll wait for you inside”

When Liz was inside, Charlie pulled out his phone and called Bill.

“Oh Hi Kat. I was after Bill”

“In the bath eh?”

He took a deep breath.

“Kat. I’m worried about Liz”

“We are in London. Somewhere near the Globe Theatre. A place called Bricklayers Arms”

“Yes. We were walking down this street and when we came to this junction, she refused to go any further.”

“I think it was a small street called Bear Lane”

“Yes. That’s the place why?”

Charlie listened for nearly three minutes.

He said very few words but at the end, he said,

“Oh Shit”.

Kat continued for a while longer.

When she finished, Charles was visibly shocked at what he’d heard.

“I think I understand. Thanks Kat. But please don’t tell her I called. I need some time to sort this out in my mind”

“Thanks Kat. I owe you one”

Putting on his best ‘smiling’ face, he went into the pub to find Liz sitting with Yaroslav.

“Hi there. Sorry about that”

“That’s ok Charlie. Yaroslav has just arrived”

He sat down.

“Thanks for getting the beer in. So what’s up?”

“Apparently, this guy who was interested in the designs is supposed to come back today”

“Did he give a name?”

“He gave me his card. I have it here”

He produced the card.

Charles read it.

Then he laughed.

“The address is fictitious. The Zip code on it according to my estimation lies somewhere between Manhattan & Staten Island”

Then he added.

“The name is probably an alias as well. Have you ever heard of anyone called ‘Martin Amos’?”

“So we are no further forward then?”

“Maybe yes. Maybe no”

“What does that mean?”

“The phone number looks genuine. I’ll make some calls later to a PI in Queens a little later”

“Why not now?” asked Yaroslav.

“Because it just after 7am in the Big Apple. The PI I was thinking about is hardly an early riser”

Liz changed the subject.

“Are you meant to see this…”, Liz looked at the card,

“this Martin Amos later today?”

“Yeah. He said sometime after two”

“Great. I really want to get a look at him”, said Liz.

“Isn’t that a bit risky. What if you are recognised?” asked Charlie.

Liz smiled.

“Give me an hour. Then you’ll see”

“Where are you going?”

“Down to the Elephant” said Liz with a smile and then she was gone.

Just over an hour later, a Taxi drew up outside the Warehouse where the student’s show was being setup.

A woman got out. She was wearing a short black stretch lycra skirt, fishnet tights, high heels topped with a gaudy fluffy pink top. Her hair was very full and blonde and she wore a large amount of makeup.

Liz was back!

She ran up the stairs to the first floor room where everything was being setup.

She spied Charlie & Yaroslav over in the far corner.

She sauntered over and calmly said.

“Hi guys”

They turned and had to do a double take.

“Yes. It’s me. Now will he recognise me”

Not only was her appearance changed but her voice was very ‘South London’ or ‘Sarf Lundun’ as some of the locals pronounce it.

“Where did you get that outfit?”

“As I said at the Elephant Shopping Centre. Cheap, pretty tatty but it will do for today”

She paused.

“Do I pass muster then?”

“Yes I think you do”, said Charles.

“What about you?”

“I hardly recognised you”, said Yaroslav.

“Good”. She turned to Charles.

“Now you skedaddle. You look far too American for the somewhat eccentric clientele of this establishment”

“What do you want me to do?” asked Charlie

“Go back to Billy’s. I’ll phone you when he’s been and be back later. Ok”

“I suppose so. I feel a bit redundant”

“Just for the moment you are. Don’t worry, I won’t put myself in danger”

Reluctantly, he realised that Liz was right.

“Ok”.

Charlie went to kiss Liz goodbye.

She deflected his lips onto her cheek.

“I don’t want to spoil the lippy”

With a smile on his face, he left them alone.

About an hour later and just as Liz started to feel her feet complaining at the far too narrow shoes, the ‘guest’ arrived.

“He’s here” whispered Yaroslav.

“Ok. Just play it cool”

The mysterious Mr Amos came over to their part of the room.

“Hello Mr Amos”, said Yaroslav cheerily.

“Hi there”

“Liz & I were just checking all the clothes for tomorrow. Liz is an old family friend. She helped me make up some of them”

He nodded in the direction of Liz.

Liz put the top that she’d been examining back on the rail and said.

“These are all fine. If there’s nothing else, I need to go and get me nails done.

All the time, she was chewing loudly on some chewing gum.

Charlie’s taking me up west tonight for a bit of posh nosh”

“Ok Liz. See you tomorrow”, replied Yaroslav going along with her acting.

Liz sauntered off towards the door. On the way, she stopped to glance at some of the other work being prepared. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that Mr Amos was in deep discussion with Yaroslav.

Quickly, she ducked behind a rail of clothes and took out a newly purchased Digital Camera from her shoulder bag.

This one had a 15x zoom lens and image stabilisation.

With a little bit of effort, she was able to get a series of pictures of Yaroslav & Mr Amos with them both holding garments and the vitally important drawings.

As they’d planned, and after a few minutes, Yaroslav offered to get Mr Amos something to drink.

Yaroslav went off in search of the drinks while Liz waited.

Sure enough, as soon as he was out of the room, the strange Mr Amos pulled out a digital camera from his briefcase and began systematically photographing the designs.

Liz duly obliged by photographing him at the same time.

Cutely aware that she might be discovered at any moment, she left the room once she was sure she had enough evidence.

On the way down the stairs, she ran into Yaroslav on his way back with the drinks.

“I’ve got it all” she said proudly.

“What do I do now?”

“Just carry on as normal. Give him the drinks. Talk to him but don’t give him any clue that we are onto him. Can you do that?”

“I think so.”

“Great. We’ll see you this evening then?”

“Yeah. About 8pm as agreed.”

“Fantastic. See you later. Good luck”

*

Liz got back to the Pimlico Flat about half an hour later. Charlie was there, pacing up and down as he waited for her.

“You made it then?”

“Yes”

“Did he copy the designs?”

“Well, he certainly took enough pictures so I’d say yes”

Then she showed him the camera.

“And so did I”

Liz opened her laptop and after some effort, managed to copy the pictures from the camera onto the machine.

“These are excellent. Just what we needed”, said Charlie as the viewed them.

“I’ll upload them to the magazine while you get changed” he added.

“Don’t you like my new look?” teased Liz.

Charlie went red.

“Yes I do but it’s not really you is it?”

“Then we’ll keep it for just us in future”

“That would do nicely”

Yaroslav & his girlfriend Maria arrived just before 8pm. Liz had prepared dinner for them to celebrate.

“This is a nice place. It must cost a lot to rent” remarked Maria.

“It belongs to a friend of ours. He lets us use it when we are in London”

“You sure have nice friends”

“Yaroslav will meet one of them when he graduates”

“What do you mean Liz?”

“This flat is owned by the Vice Chancellor to the College”

“Your accent this afternoon didn’t sound fake” asked Yaroslav.

“I was born in Bermondsey in a Council Flat”

“See Maria, it is possible to get on in this world”

“If you have a bit of luck then you can”

They went into the dining room.

There were six places set at the table.

“Is there anyone else coming tonight? I see six place settings?” asked Maria.

“Well, there should be two more. They have been probably delayed in traffic. We can wait for them if you like or do you have anywhere else to go to tonight?” asked Liz.

“Not really. This is quite enough for one evening”, said Yaroslav.

Charlie went around keeping everyone’s drinks topped up. This was Liz’s definition of keeping him busy. He didn’t mind really. This was Liz’s show.

About half an hour late, the front door to the flat opened and in came Bill pushing Kat in her chair.

“Sorry we’re late. You should have started without us”, said Kat.

“Nonsense. Anyway, you are here now”

“Just give up a few minutes and we’ll be ready”

Bill pushed Kat into their bedroom.

Yaroslav looked concerned.

“Don’t worry, they won’t bite. This might be the bit of luck you need ok”, said Liz in a quiet voice.

A few minutes later, Kat walked out of the bedroom with Bill steadying her.

“I’ve just got this new set of pins. I’m still a bit unsteady I’m afraid so please excuse me if I appear like a drunken sailor at times”, she said smiling.

“Bill & Kat, this is Yaroslav & Maria. Yaroslav has been instrumental in making our work here in London come to almost to a conclusion”, said Liz.

Bill & Kat soon put the other two guests at ease.

“I think we should eat”, announced Liz.

Liz disappeared into the Kitchen and was followed by Yaroslav.

“Is that who I think it is?”

“Bill? Yes he’s the vice chancellor. He has something to talk to you about later”

Dinner was excellent. Everyone commented on the food and the wine but it was Kat who became the centre of attention.

Her jokes really put Yaroslav & Maria at ease.

Towards the end of the evening, Bill said,

“I hear that you want to change your degree and do more of the design of materials rather than the garments themselves”

“Yes. I’m really not very good with the fashion design side of things. Besides, the job opportunities seem to be pretty limited at the moment. At least with the textile design, I could find a job even if it means moving to Croatia and the family business”

“Yes. Liz explained that”

Bill paused for a moment.

Then he opened a manila folder that was sitting on a cabinet near the dining table.

He extracted a couple of sheets of paper that were stapled together.

“I know you have a contract with Liz & Charlie but I think I might have something that will help you even more.”

He placed the pages in front of Yaroslav.

“This is an application form for a scholarship. It has been created just for people such as yourself who want to change tack in their final year. There is also a guarantee of at least 12 months paid employment upon completion of the course and the award of a degree with at least 2:1 honours”

He read the document thoroughly which seemed to impress Bill.

“How does this affect the contract I signed with Liz & Charles?”

Bill smiled.

“Any financial settlement contained in the contract is of course still valid and is expected to he honoured on both sides. It appears that your part is just about over for the time being”

“Eh? What do you mean ‘for the time being’? I don’t understand?”

Charles laughed.

“When the shit hits the fan, I think you would be expected to attend a news conference in New York. You may have to return once more for the trial but that does assume that the designs showed are copied. Even so, you had better make sure your passport is in order.”

Yaroslav looked a bit concerned.

“Don’t worry, any trips to the US would be all expenses paid”

This appeared to satisfy him.

Bill added.

“Take a look at it again. Take some time to think about it. Just give me an answer by submitting the application form for the scholarship”

The evening broke up soon after with everyone appearing to enjoy the event.

Any plans that Liz & Charles might have had for a smooth flight home the following day was ended with Bill bursting into their bedroom just after 6:00am.

“Liz, we need your help”

“Go away Bill, can’t you see we are sleeping”, complained Liz.

“Liz, ‘Crystal Girl’ is having problems foaling. Can you help? The vet wants to do a caesarean. That will probably stop her from having any more foals”

“Shit Bill. Why didn’t you warn me? I wouldn’t have drunk so much wine last night if you had”

“I’m warning you now”

By now, Liz was sitting up in bed revealing her breasts for everyone to see. She didn’t even think about it until Bill reminded her.

“Liz, don’t you think you should cover up?”

“There is nothing there that you haven’t seen before Bill”

“Liz?”

“Ok”

She pulled the bed cover over breasts.

“That good enough? Now what’s the problem again?”

“Crystal Girl is having trouble foaling. The vet thinks that the only way is a caesarean.”

As soon as she heard the words ‘Crystal Girl’, Liz was getting out of bed.

She shook Charlie.

“Time to get up sleepyhead. We have to leave”

Charlie opened his eyes.

“The flight isn’t until two. Why the rush?”

“We are going up to Bill’s place. They need my help”

“Who’s they?”

“The vet and a thoroughbred called ‘Crystal Girl’ who is in Foal”

“Why do they need you?”

“If you get up and come with us, you will see”

Fifteen minutes later, Liz & Charlie were in a Taxi heading for St Pancras. Bill was going to come on later with Kat.

By a freak of luck, they made the 07:00 train to Wellingborough where Andy Thomas, Bill’s head trainer was waiting anxiously for them

“Glad to see you Liz. She’s in a bad way and the Vet is getting impatient”

“That’s not like old Doc Halliday?”

Andy smiled.

“The Old Doc retired last year. We have a new youngster who thinks he knows it all”

“Then he’s going to get a lesson isn’t he?”

“Will someone please tell me what is going on?” protested Charlie for the umpteenth time.

Andy said,

“Pour yourself some coffee from the flask on the seat. Pour one for Liz. Then wait a while. If I told you, you wouldn’t believe it”

As he poured the drinks, Charlie said once more,

“What is it?”

Liz grinned.

“I have a skill that is going to be very useful in about 20 minutes. It is the same skill I used to save Kat’s life. Ok”

She turned to look at Charlie who was in the back seat of the Range Rover.

“Look darling. Wait a while. See what happens and then I’ll answer any of your questions. What I do is difficult to explain. I don’t really understand it myself. Ok?”

Reluctantly, Charlie agreed still none the wiser.

Andy drove them to the stud farm that was a few miles from Bill’s home. Charlie had never heard about this place until that day.

When the car pulled up the all went into the stables.

There, they saw several stable lads and the Vet who was indeed looking anxiously.

Liz said to him.

“Hi, Can you tell me what the situation is?”

“Are you a Vet?”

“Nope. I’m here to save the Horse and its Foal. Perhaps we can work together”

The Vet looked at Andy who nodded.

“I’ve given her as much sedative as I can. She should be out cold by now. The last time I tried to get near her, she reared up at me”

“Ok. Let me have a look at her”

Together, they went into the large loose box. Standing there was the mare who was obviously in great distress.

“Ok I’m, ready”

She turned to the Vet.

“When I quieten her down, can you get your hand inside her and pull the Foal out. You may need the breech rope”

“What are you going to do? I can’t get near her?”

“Magic” said Liz smiling.

When the Vet was ready with the rope in hand and wearing shoulder length rubber gloves, Liz approached the mare.

She started making funny noises. This got the Mare’s attention. Gradually, she got closer & closer all the time making funny noises.

After a minute or so, she was holding the Mares Bridle. Then she got closer and started talking right into the Mares ear. Then she rubbed her face right onto that of the Mare.

The effect was starting. The Mare relaxed completely.

Then Liz started blowing gently into the Mares nostrils. Her head went back down onto the bedding. Liz sat next to the mare and kept talking to her. She also stroked her ears very gently.

After a minute of that, Liz signalled to the Vet to begin his work.

All the time, Liz was talking or blowing and gently touching the Mare’s face and head.

Some fifteen minutes later, there was an audible plop as the Foal slid out of the Mare’s womb.

Half an hour after she’d arrived, Liz stood back and watched the Mare licking the afterbirth off of the Foal.

The stable lads all cheered.

The Vet looked totally nonplussed.

Charlie was staggered.

Liz cleaned herself off out in the yard and said to Charlie.

“Well?”

“I don’t know what to say?”

“There is a horrible phrase that some people use to define this skill I have. Don’t ask me where it comes from. I don’t have a clue. Anyway, some people call me a ‘Horse Whisperer’.”

“Like in the film”

“How did I know you were going to say that?”

She laughed.

“Yes but a lot more. A whole lot more. The thing is I can’t explain the ‘it’, whatever that is. I just do it”

Charlie stood thinking for a few moments.

“God Liz, there is so much I don’t know about you. When were you going to tell me about this?”

Liz looked concerned.

“Does this matter about us? Us a couple what with me being what some people would call a Witch as well?”

“Probably not but I really need you to tell me everything”

Liz smiled and took Charlie’s hand.

“Ok. I promise to tell you everything about me. But not here and not in New York”

“Where do you want to go then?”

“Can I be a bit of a spoil-sport?”

“Ok” replied Charlie with a big sigh.

“Why don’t we go back to New York and update the article with the recent events. Then perhaps we can spend some time together. Then is no rush as it is almost 4 months to New York Fashion Week. Why don’t we spend it together and … well live as a couple. See how it goes?”

“Liz, sometimes you frustrate the hell out of me. But yes, I’m willing to wait a week. No longer or I’m going to drag you off somewhere whether you like it or not. Ok”

“Promise?” said Liz with a gleam in her eye.

“See what I mean”

Any further content was denied as Liz planted her lips on his for more than a minute.

Charlie rebooked their flight back to New York for the following day. When Bill & Kat arrived home, he sought out Bill and they spent most of the afternoon walking around the estate deep in conversation.

Liz realised that crunch time was approaching. She also spent a lot of the afternoon relaxing in the spa with Kat. The only topic of discussion was how Liz was going to bare all to Charlie.

Dinner that night was subdued but a small celebration was due as Crystal Girl and her Foal were doing well. The Vet was sworn to secrecy about the events of the day. Liz was adamant that she didn’t want any publicity.

The pair flew back to New York the following day and met with Jake that night at the house in Southampton. A plan of work was agreed for the next few days.

After good lie in on their first full day back on Long Island, Charlie went of to see a PI about a little sleuthing. Liz was settling down to writing up the events in London in all the detail she could remember from memory and her copious notes.

It was the middle of the afternoon when the front door bell rang.

Liz was not expecting anyone so she ignored it. But whoever it was, wouldn’t go away.

Reluctantly, she got up and went to answer it.

She opened the door.

Standing there before he was a late middle aged woman.

From her face, it was obvious that it was Charlie’s mother.

Before she could do anything, she barged past Liz into the house.

“What have you done with my son? You. You total abomination you. If I’d have my own way, I’d have you strung from the nearest tree up this instant

Liz stood there with her mouth wide open…

[Continued in Part 10]

Funny Business – Chapter 10, Charlies Mother (not his Aunt)

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

To say that Liz was stunned by the appearance of Charlie’s Mother would be an underestimate to say the least.

She was left standing there on the doorstep looking rather silly while his Mother was dashing between the rooms of the house looking for Charles.

“Where is he? What have you done with My Charles, you… you thing you?” she almost screamed.
“Charles is not here. Why don’t you just calm down for a minute and let me know what is wrong”
“I will not calm down. I know all about you. Who you are and what you are doing. You are not going to get a cent of his money I tell you”
Liz was frantically trying to get a word in but she was in full flight and there was no stopping her.

“I know that you were born a man. Despite what you might look like with all that stuff on your face you are still a man. I’ll bet you haven’t told him have you? I’m going to take him home with me. My Charles would never even want to be in the same room as someone like you. If I had my way, people like you would be strung up or locked away in a mental hospital for the rest of your life. Do you even have the brain cells to understand me?”

Finally, she had vented her spleen and came to a verbal halt.

Liz stood there in silence. She was unsure what to say or even if it was worth saying anything.

The impasse went on for almost 30 seconds.
Then Liz walked into the kitchen and opened her cell phone.
She called Charlie.
“Hi Darling. Your Mother’s here”
“Yeah. She knows. See you soon”
She closed it.

She returned to the Living room.
“Charles will be here in an hour or so. Why don’t you sit down and wait for him. After all, that is what you want isn’t it?”

She didn’t answer.

“Can I get you something? Tea, Coffee?”
She still didn’t answer.

“Look Mrs Everett, if you want to stand there fuming for the next hour or so then be my guest. I have some work to do and I’m going to get on with it. If you want to talk rationally then I’ll talk. There is tea, coffee and some freshly baked cake in the kitchen if you want it”

She didn’t say anything.

Liz went back to the desk in the dining room and tried to do some work. She typed the keys on the laptop but absolute gibberish came out.

Then the tears started. Her eyes misted up and tears ran down her cheeks. Her emotions had gone from a feeling of happiness to absolute disaster in a matter of minutes.

Liz just sat there with her world in tatters waiting for the final nails to be hammered into the coffin of her life.

She was still sitting there gazing into space when Charlie arrived back.

As soon as he was through the door, the tirade from his Mother began anew.

Wisely, Charles let her give him both barrels. When she had finished, Charles simply said.
“Nice to see you Mom. Now what were you saying?”
She went red in the face.
“Get you things, you are coming home with me. I’m not letting you stay with this… thing any longer”
“Mom. Calm down. You know shouldn’t get too excited. You know that Dr Hardy says about your Blood Pressure”
His Mother was about to say something but didn’t get anything out before Charles said.

“I take it you have met Liz. I know all about her. I’ve known for months”
“But… That thing. It was born a man. Can’t you see how repulsive that is? Are you one of the horrible gay people?”
Charlie smiled.
“Please don’t refer to Liz as ‘it’. She is a woman. She is more woman than any of those so called ‘our set’ women you have tried to set me up with over the years. No, I’m not gay. Why should I be? Liz is everything I ever wanted in a wife”
The mention of the word wife caused his mother to go ballistic.
“Wife? You can’t marry that thing. It is not proper. I won’t allow it you hear. I’d be the laughing stock of the Country Club. What would your father say if her knew?”

Charlie smiled.
“Dad knows Mom. I told him months ago. He’s cool with this. He just wants me to be happy that all”
“He knows? Why didn’t he tell me?”

“Because I asked him not to. As for the County club, that bunch of stuck up old busybodies can go to hell for all I care”
“How dare you talk about my friends that way?”
“Because that is what I think. Oh how the gossips loved it when my dear ex wife went off with her fitness trainer. You couldn’t show your face there for more than a month. Yeah, you’re so called friends. Not really friends are they? Gossiping old hags if you ask me. Far more money than sense and I’ll bet non of them has done a days work in their pampered lives”

His mother was really red in the face by now.
“I’ll see to it that you have no money from me. Not a penny”
“Mom, Liz & I don’t care about your money. I have my trust fund that was setup by my Grandfather. I am an adult and I can do with it what I want. We don’t need your money”
“But you’re my baby. I can’t have that thing in my house, in my family”

Charles moved over and wrapped his arms around Liz.

“I don’t care Mom. Liz & I are getting married very soon. You can’t put a stop to it. I wish you’d give her a chance. Liz is possibly the most unique person I have ever met.”

Charles’s mother had to sit down. She had gone extremely red in the face and was taking lots of very short breaths.
“Mom? What’s wrong?” said Charlie urgently.
He went to help her but Liz pulled him back.

She walked up to her and started chattering to her just like she’d done with the mare.
“Get away from me you abomination” cried his mother.
Liz continued and put her hands on her shoulders. Her incomprehensible muttering continued. Charles’s Mother tried to say something but couldn’t get the words out”
Gradually, the redness in her face died away.

Liz stopped the almost chanting and stepped away from her.

She looked at Charles who was smiling.
“What did you do?”
“I stopped her from busting a blood vessel or possibly having a stroke”
“Why? She was so horrible to you”

Just then Charles’s mother seemed to come round.
“Don’t let that thing touch me. Charles what has she done to me?”

Liz looked at Charles who shrugged his shoulders.
“Mom, just stop right there before you do yourself an injury.”

Nothing was said for a few seconds.
“I called Dad after Liz called me. He should be here soon to take you home”
“I’m not an invalid. I mean what I said. You will get no money from us. Nothing.”

Charles sighed.
“As I said Mom, I have the money from my trust fund. I also earn enough, actually far more than enough for both of us to live on. What are you going to do? Get me disbarred?”
“Yes. I’ll make you unemployable. Not even the local car wash will offer either of you a job”
This didn’t faze Charles.
“As you know all about Liz, you will know that she is a British Citizen.”
“I’ll get her green card taken away”

“Now how did I know you were going to say that?”
He smiled at Liz.
“I have grown quite fond of England. I’ve made some good friends there. These are all Liz’s friends by the way. Those friends know all about her and don’t care. They have accepted me without question.”

“What are you trying to say?” asked his Mother.
“Liz & I could very well move to the UK. A very long way from you and your so called friends at the Country Club”
“Why are you doing this to me. Bringing all this shame on me? I’m your mother.”

“Yes Mom you are my mother. I’m all grown up now and can make my own decisions. For once in my life, I’m thinking about me. Not like how you talked me into marrying that totally frigid woman when all the time you knew that she was having an affair with her so called Personal Trainer. I don’t know what was worse, her having the affair or you knowing and not telling me. That was the time you lost me as your Son”

Just then there was a knock at the front door.

“That must be Dad. I’ll let him in”, said Charles.

A few seconds later, he returned with his Father. A upright man in his early 60’s with a little greying hair at the Temples.
“Well Shirley, what have you been doing then?”
“I’ve been trying to save OUR son from this thing!” replied Shirley.

He turned to Liz.
Charles Snr smiled broadly.
“You must be Liz. I’ve been looking forward to the time we could meet. I’d hoped it would have been under more favourable circumstances”
He offered his hand to Liz who gratefully accepted it.
“Pleased to meet you Sir”

“Please call me Charles”
“Pleased to meet you Charles”, replied Liz trying to stop herself from smiling. She’d taken an immediate liking to Charles Snr. Her ‘instinct’ was that he was on their side.

“Son, I can guess what your Mother has been saying. I’ll take her home and speak to her”
“That’s not going to be enough Dad. She is really determined to make everyone know about us”
He sighed.
“I guessed as much. What do you plan to do?”
“We might go to England. We both have good friends there”
“That might keep her off your track for a while but you know your Mother when she gets a bee in her bonnet”
“I guess that is not going to be far enough away is it?”

“Perhaps not”
“The problem is, we have some work to do that is going to take us the rest of the week. Then we will get out of town so to speak”
Charles Snr smiled.
“Then I’ll take your Mother up to Maine for the week in the hope that she will simmer down and forget all about this”
“Did you know what she was up to Dad?”
“No. Your call didn’t come as a complete surprise to me. When I got the call, I got thinking about how she’d found where you were holed up. So, checked my bank statements. She has spent nearly $3000 on a Private Eye to do her dirty work for her. From our joint account I might add.”

He turned to Liz.
“I am truly sorry Liz for the actions of my wife and anything she has said to you here today”
“Thank you Charles. She is not the first to say nasty things about me and I don’t expect that she will be the last. I only wish we had met under happier circumstances.”

“I do too. I can now see why Charles is so in Love with you.”
Shirley was glaring at her Husband.
“Why…”
“Shut up Mom before you say anything else”
“How dare you speak to me like that”
“Shut the Fuck up Shirley”, said her husband.

Charles Jnr’s mouth dropped open. That was the first time in his life that he’d heard his father raise his voice to his Mother and the fist time he’d heard him swear.
She did. She tried to utter something but the total shock of her husband answering her back had left her speechless.

A few minutes later Charles Snr drove off home with his wife still protesting but now almost silently.

Liz & Charles watched them go. Both of them felt sorry for Charles Snr when Shirley got her voice back.

“What are we going to do now?” asked Liz
“I’m going to take you out to a Basketball game. That’s what”

*

Things were back to some semblance of normality the following day. But there was a now distinct sense of urgency in their work. Fortune was on their side when four days later, they handed the final text over to Jake.

“This is one hell of a piece of work Liz. I had no idea where it would lead when this all started. Now that its done I can say that it is beyond all expectations. This is going to be a couple of firsts for the magazine. One whole issue written by just two people. One whole issue on one subject” said Jake with pride.

“Two things Jake”, said Charlie.
“One, we aren’t done yet and two, one issue written by one person”

“Eh?”
“Liz wrote every word. I checked it for legal snafus and sure, I had some input but every word is hers and hers alone.”

There was an eerie silence for nearly 10 seconds.
Then Liz piped in,
“And it’s going out under your By-line remember?”
“I can change that Liz if you want?”
“No. No thanks. Just seeing my words in print and the bonus is thanks enough for me. I have written my last article. Full stop. The end. No more. Fin, I’m done with being a hack”

There was really nothing more to say. Nothing more to argue about.

For the second time that week, Liz & Charles watched a car drive away from their albeit temporary home. This time, the disappearance of the car meant that a chapter in their life was closing.

Charles closed the door behind them and said
“I’m so proud of you my Darling. So proud”
Liz hugged him.
“Thank you my darling. That means so much to me”

A somewhat bleary-eyed Liz then asked,
“Now where are we going to go for that holiday?”

[Continued in Part 11]

Funny Business - Chapter 11, Revelations

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

The couple flew from New York two days later to the Caribbean Island of Barbados. Charlie had rented a villa overlooking Admiral Flower Bay for a couple of weeks in the hope that the sun and fresh air might lift the air of depression caused by the virtual end of the project and Charlie’s Mother’s appearance.

Every day, they went walking along one of the nearby beaches or around the markets in Bridgetown. Charles even took Liz racing one afternoon and watched in awe as she won a five-race accumulator at odds of over 500/1.

This success finally seemed to lift her out of her depression.

The following day, they had a picnic lunch on the beach at Bathsheba. As they lazed in the sun, Liz said to Charles,

“There are some things about me that you should really know. I’ll fully understand if when I’m done, you want to get the next flight out of here”

Charlie held Liz a bit tighter.

“I’m not going anywhere my darling, can’t you understand that”

“I think so but if you do then I’ll fully understand”

“Then why don’t you start at the beginning?”

Liz took a deep breath and began.

“In the beginning, I was born in the front room of a two bed flat in a Council Estate in Bermondsey”

“Hold on, Can you translate a bit?”

Liz chuckled.

“Ok, I was born in the front room of a two bedroom apartment on a Council Project in Bermondsey”

“Where is Bermondsey?”

“South of the River, downstream from Tower Bridge. Most of it was docks and the like which were flattened in the War.”

“Ok. I get the general area. Council Estate?”

Liz smiled.

“What you Yanks call ‘projects’. Grim. Very grim”

He didn’t reply so Liz carried on.

“My mother was from the Country. My father was a musician in a glam rock band”

“Glam Rock?”

Liz chuckled.

“Yeah, a mostly British Music genre. From around 1971 to the arrival of Punk around 1975. The bands wore lots of silver & gold lame, make up etc. David Bowie was part of it really with the Ziggy Startdust album”

Charlie was really none the wiser but at least he had heard of David Bowie.

“Did you know him? Your Father that is, not David Bowie”

“No. He drank himself to death before I was five. I don’t remember him at all. In reality, child was the last thing he wanted. Mum said that when she told him that she was expecting, he said, ‘It ain’t cool for my image to be seen with a baby’”

Liz swallowed.

“Anyways, he walked out on my mum when I was just a few months old. As the flat we were living in was actually his parents place, mum & I suddenly found ourselves homeless”

“Where did you go then?”

“We went back to the country where my Mum was from. We stayed with her parents. This was a great place near the New Forest, about a 100 miles south west of London”

“We lived there until I was 4 when my mum met someone and fell in love. He was the gamekeeper on the next farm, which was in reality, a large country estate. Our place was only 30 acres and just about breaking even. Anyway, Mum met David. They fell in Love and got married. So I moved onto this estate with my new Father”

“Did you like him? Sometimes step-parents are not exactly welcome with the children”

“Oh yes. He became the father I never had. He taught me so many things about animals, how to track them, look after them, to ride, to…”

“Hey, you said you didn’t ride. When we were at Bills and you got me to go with the Hunt”

Liz grinned.

“I told you a little fib. I do ride but I don’t like jumping sodding great hedges that’s all”

Charles smiled back.

“When I was nearly 6, he got the job as head gamekeeper at Bills place. Well, it was his father’s then. Bill & I were just about the same age so naturally we started playing together. That was when he was home from school”

“Where did he go to School?”

“Bill? He went to Eton and then a degree in Maths at Oxford followed by a Harvard MBA. I went to the local state schools and left at 16”

“Didn’t you resent that? Him going to those posh places?”

“Not in the slightest. I was the daughter of an employee. I never even considered it at the time. Besides, Bill nor any of the family are really down to earth. I’m sure you know that from our visit.”

“Wasn’t it a problem with him being in the big house and you not?”

Liz laughed.

“You have to understand that on an English Country Estate, the head gamekeeper is the right hand man of the Lord. In those days, Dad virtually ran the Estate. He had ready access to the Lord and his family. Actually Dad became part of the family. Ok. They were not blood related but we would spend Christmas up at the house with the family. Bills Mother made us very welcome. In regards to matters inside the house, the wife is literally God. Well, you’ve seen Kat at work so I guess that comes as no surprise.”

“So what happened then? How did you legally become part of the family? How did you get adopted?”

Liz looked sad.

“It all started when Mum died. She became pregnant. Everyone was so happy. But just after 6 months, something went wrong and she died from a massive internal bleed, or something like that.”

“It must have hit you hard?”

“Yeah. Everyone rallied round and looked after me. Dad was even more devastated though He blamed himself for wanting to start a proper family, not that he didn’t consider me his son.”

“So, he started drinking and letting things slide. Then a little more than nine months after my Mothers death, he stuck a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger”

“Wow”

“Yeah. Wow. In hindsight, we should have seen it coming. He thought that Mum’s death was his fault and kept brooding on that one fact. But, I still miss him. The memories of the two of us going out in the woods, looking after the birds and the deer and their habitat. Setting a few snares for the rabbits and bringing them home to cook & eat.”

“Did Bills family take you in right away?”

“Yeah. Actually they did more. Bill came up with this whizzo idea of adopting me. Given the families wealth and social position and everything else, it wasn’t a problem. Besides, I told the officials it was what I wanted.”

“That does explain something of the relationship between you. Were you happy with being the adopted child?”

“Oh yes. I could have gone away to school just like Bill but I wasn’t really academically minded so I carried on at the local state school but I did get private lessons in Art & Drawing. But living at the ‘big house’ as I called it was fantastic. We had real fun in the holidays.”

Charlie wanted to say something but didn’t. Liz sensed this.

“When did you start, you know dressing as a girl?” he asked tentatively.

“Oh, I’d been doing that for sometime at home with Mum. Looking back at it, I think she really wanted a girl. But when I moved in with Bills family, suddenly, I had a fantastic range of clothes to play in. Bill too”

“What do you mean?”

“Up in the attic there are trucks & trucks all containing clothes that date back nearly two centuries. We had great fun dressing up and pretending. One Sunday, Bill & I dressed as a Lord & Lady from early Victorian times. He escorted me to dinner just like it would have happened in the house all those years ago. I felt fantastic.”

“What did his parents, sorry your adopted parents say to that?”

“They loved if. It actually started a trend of the whole family dressing formally for dinner on a Sunday Evening. I always went as Bill’s Wife. Gradually, I started dressing more and more. Even when he was away at school, I’d come home from school and change into a dress or skirt. Suddenly this sullen moody male teenager became a happy, jolly girl. I was happy. I could put all the sadness in my past behind me.”

“Didn’t your adoptive parents have concerns about this?”

“Oh yes. Lots and lots. We talked things over. Well, Bills Mum & me. In the end I was sent to see a number of shrinks. The result was always the same. I had this thing called Gender Dysphoria and no I probably wouldn’t grow out of it”

“How did you feel being labelled like that?”

“I didn’t like having this label around my neck. I was just being me and that was the be all and end all of it. But I struck this deal with my parents that I’d stay on at school as a boy until I did my exams at 16. Then if I wanted to see if I really was a girl then I could leave home and they help me out with a flat and clothes. I would give it a year. If at the end of that time I was still wanting to live as a girl, I’d have their blessing.”

“I wish I’d had parents like that”

“Your Father seems to be a nice enough person”

“He is but all the serious money comes from my Mothers side of the family so guess who calls the tune”

“Your Mother”

“That is why I was virtually bullied into marrying that awful woman. Mom thought it would be good for our families”.

Charlie laughed.

“What a load of crap that turned out to be”

He paused.

“Did you manage the year?” asked Charlie deftly turning the subject away from his problems.

“You bet,” said Liz grinning.

“Easy peasy”

“How? It must have been difficult on the estate with everyone knowing who you really were?”

“Yeah, we thought about that. So, I came down to London and Bills Father bought a flat for me in Southwark. He said that he wanted to know what sort of place his daughter was living in”

“Are his parents still alive? I don’t recall seeing their graves in the churchyard?” asked Charlie remembering the tour of the estate he’d been given on their visit.

“Oh Yes. Bill & Mary live on a station in Australia.”

“What’s a station?”

“Sorry, It is an Aussie word for a Farm”

“How big is it?”

“About 500”

“500 Acres? That seems rather small, or are you talking in Hectares?”

Liz laughed.

“500 square miles. It’s way up on the near the North West Coast of ‘RooLand’ as we called it”

“Ok. That is a decent sized place then”

“It is lovely. Clean air and open space. We should visit them. They’d love to meet their prospective son in law”

“Why don’t we go soon?”

“When we get married and we are finally shot of the magazine, we shall see ok”

“I’ll hold you to that. Did you get a job in London or go to college?”

“I went to college and did Art & Design plus a few courses in Journalism. But the first thing I did was to change my name. That was sort of like closing a door behind me”

“What was your boy name?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Is it that bad?”

“I thought so at the time”

“Only if you want to”

Liz smiled. She knew that it had to come out.

“It was Wayne. Pretty bad eh?”

Charlie laughed.

“I can’t imagine you as a Wayne. Why did you call yourself Liz?”

“I’m Elizabeth actually”.

“My real Mum was named Elizabeth after Queen Elizabeth the Second. I always liked the name. It sounded nice but I hate the American short form of Beth though. If anyone called me Beth at the Magazine, I just ignored them”

“So you changed your name and lived in Southwark and went to college”

“Yep. Bill came to visit me regularly as did Mum & Dad whenever they were in town. Mum started taking me shopping like a proper mother & daughter. You cam probably guess that I was in heaven.”

“I can imagine. You like shopping. Especially the part about spending money, other people’s money”

They both laughed.

“How did you get to college?”

“Mary phoned up one day and said that she had some tickets for a few shows during London Fashion week. Would I fancy going with her”

“And naturally, you said yes”

“Not straight away”

“Why not?”

“I didn’t have anything to wear. That’s why”

“Oh dear you poor thing”

“Yep. So Mum came down and we splashed out and got me a proper wardrobe. Then we went to the shows in the day and out to dinner in the evening”

“I bet you loved every minute of it”

“I was on cloud nine”

“What happened then?”

“At the end of the trip, Mum said to me, Darling, would you like me to buy you some boobs for your birthday. Or words to that effect”

“What did you say?”

“What do you think I said? It turned out later that the week was a test. She wanted to see if I was really serious about living the rest of my life as a woman, as her daughter. I passed with flying colours. I became the daughter she never had. Bill was jealous though”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why was Bill jealous of you?”

“Because of all the nice clothes I was able to wear”

“Does he, you know dress up?”

“Yes he does, but only in front of Kat and he would kill me if he found out that anyone else knows. Ok?”

Charlie mimicked a zip moving over his lips.

“As soon as college was over that summer, I went into a clinic and had the implants put in. I also had some cosmetic stuff done on my face. My jaw line was softened a bit and such like. It all hurt like hell and took ages to sort itself out”

“Is this what I see before me?”

“No. I’m coming to that”

“Ok. Carry on”

“The ‘new’ me went back to college in the Autumn. I also got a part time job in a Pub. As I was 17 I couldn’t work in the bar so I worked in the kitchen. That was good as I learned quite a bit about cooking. I was trying to become independent, to stand on my own two feet. I carried on and got my ‘A’ levels and got a place at the design college.”

“Bill went up to Oxford but often came to see me occasionally at weekends. By now, I was old enough to work in the bar pulling pints and the like.”

Then Liz paused.

“Then I met Kat”

“That does not sound too good?”

Liz smiled back

“Quite the opposite. Kat started working a few shifts in the bar. She was at London University studying Biology. We became firm friends right from the go.”

“Did she know about you?”

“Not to begin with she didn’t. One night, I had a small party at my place and she crashed out.”

Charlie looked a bit mystified.

“Sorry. She slept over as we were both working the following lunchtime and both of us had quite a bit to drink.”

Liz paused.

“Anyways, to cut a long story short, she ended up in my bed and we were kissing and carrying on then her hand found its way to my very hard penis”

“I bet that was a surprise?”

“It was for me. But you know it didn’t faze her in the slightest. I’ll always remember what she said, I knew you were nice but that is even better, as her hand slid round it”

“Did you & Kat have a relationship after that?”

“No. It was a one off. Now, it is something we can laugh at especially if we have had a drink or two.”

Charlie was obviously relieved.

“How did she & Bill get together?”

“I’m just coming to that”

He grinned back.

“Bill came on a surprise visit one Friday lunchtime. I was in the kitchen doing some cooking when he arrived in the Pub.”

“By the time I’d done with the frying pan and cleaned up, he was already chatting her up”

“Then, by the time my shift was over, he had her phone number & address and a date arranged for the Sunday evening when the pub was closed.”

“He was a fast worker then?”

“Yes. But that wasn’t the half of it.

“What do you mean?”

“They announced their engagement the following Friday. Somehow, I knew it was coming from that first day.”

“

I have to ask this, did Kat know about Bill’s background?”

“No. That is the cool thing, she didn’t. I’d never told her. Well, apart from the fact that he was my adopted brother”

“So, when she found out she almost called the whole thing off. I had to spend a lot of time talking to her. Then I told her about me and my past and that I really wanted her to be my sister in law. That persuaded her to say yes and, the rest is history”

“Did you carry on with college?”

“Yeah. I was in my final year when…”

Charlie knew what was coming from his chat with Bill but he knew that Liz had to tell it in her own time.

Neither of them said anything for a while. The Sun was dropping rapidly away behind the hills to the west of the bay.

Two Wind surfers were out catching the last of the afternoon onshore breeze. It would soon die down.

Liz gripped Charlie tight.

“I was raped, assaulted and left for dead. It happened in Bear Lane. Remember that street I wouldn’t go down?”

Charlie nodded.

“These three guys thought I was a woman and pulled me into a door way. I tried to fight back but it was no use. They pulled my skirt down and then my knickers.

One of them cried ‘Fuck me it’s a bleeding bloke’. This really made them angry. They all fucked me up the bum and then one of them produced a knife and started to cut my balls off. I don’t remember much after that until I woke up in hospital.”

“Oh Liz”

Charlie wrapped his arms around her.

Tears ran down her cheeks.

“I was a real mess. Three broken ribs, no balls and one of my implants had burst. Plus a broken nose and jaw”

“You were lucky to be alive”

“Yeah. It didn’t feel like it at the time though. I just wanted to die”

“Tell me you did see someone about that?”

Liz looked sad.

“I thought I could handle it but one day, I didn’t”

Then Liz turned over her wrists. The thin scars told the story.

“It didn’t work then” said Charles trying to bring some brevity to this awful tale.

“Of course it didn’t silly”, said Liz smiling.

“Did the shrinks help?”

“Did they heck? Nope they only drove me into greater despair. No, it was getting out of London and back to Bill’s that did the trick. This all took place not long after their Wedding and Kat was heavily pregnant. But she was with me almost every day in the hospital”

“Where was Bill?”

“Bill was away on some fact-finding trip to Botswana or somewhere with others from the House of Lords. When he got back, he came to see me. He took one look at me and before I knew it, I was in a private ambulance heading north to a very private clinic near Manchester”

“How long were you there?”

“By the time, I’d had the various operations to fix my face, boobs and whatever, endured the post operative pain and all that, it was more than three months”

“I started to look and feel more human”

Liz fell silent once more.

“However, I was left with the final decision, to remain an Eunuch with boobs or have the operation and turn my todger into a vagina”

“Was that a big decision?”

“Not really. Once I’d decided that I wanted to live then it was inevitable”

“Did the Police catch the bastards who beat you up?”

“Yeah. Well, two of them anyways. They all claimed that I attacked them with a machete. That was never found by the way so the Police never believed them. One of them claimed they’d tossed it into the Thames near Blackfriars. More lies”

“How did that stand up? How did they prove that you didn’t go after them”

“It fell apart thanks to a CCTV Camera showing the whole thing. Beside, they’d all got form as long as your arm mostly for violent crime.”

“The jury only took 20 minutes to find them guilty. They all got sent down for attempted murder.”

Liz swalloed again as she remembered those dark days.

“I was fucking lucky. If someone else hadn’t come along and found me then I would have died. That is why they got charged with Attempted murder instead of just assault or GBH”

“GBH?”

“Grievous Bodily Harm. A form of very serious assault.”

“What sentence did the get?

“They both got an indeterminate sentence of 15 years. This means they must server at least 15 years before they are even considered for parole.”

Liz forced a little smile.

“When the sentence was announced, they threatened to kill me in the court. So the judge upped it to 17 years.”

“Won’t they be out of Prison soon?”

“They would have if they hadn’t been killed in Prison. Apparently one of them talked about raping another woman. She happened to be the sister of another inmate so in some respects, justice was served.”

“What happened to the 3^rd assailant?”

“The police have his DNA and is still wanted so perhaps one day they might get lucky”

“Ok, so the case is over? How on earth did you end up in New York?”

“Luck. Pure Luck.”

“I’m glad you had a bit of luck after all that”

Liz kissed Charlie briefly.

“I was at a lose end. I had no job, no money, and don’t say, Bill as I wanted to be independent. I know he and his family have helped me in ways that money couldn’t buy. I did one dead end job after another for a couple of years. I even sold some paintings along the South Bank on a Sunday.”

“So?”

“As you know, twice a year there are the fashion shows in London, Paris, Milan and New York. That year the journalist who’d been assigned to cover London Fashion week, did rather a lot of partying before the week. Apparently, most of the partying involved some highly illegal substances and not a small amount by any means. To put it plainly she got busted and after paying a hefty fine, she was deported back to Canada”

“This left Jake with a bit of a problem. He needed someone to cover the shows so he called a few people he knew in London. Remember this was on the even of the first show”

“Luckily, one of those was my former Journalism teacher. He in turn suggested me. Then to cut a long story short, they eventually tracked me down at this shoe shop in Cadogan Place and he offered me the gig on the spot over the phone. I agreed but only on the condition that if I cover the London shows and if they like my work, I would come over and work for him in New York”

“That must have been some recommendation?”

“Not entirely. My teacher sent Jake most of my pieces of a previous Fashion Week. He liked my style. He knew that I’d be able to do the job”

“And the rest they say, is History?”

“Near enough”

“As you can see, I’m a walking, talking, breathing disaster area”

“Not for me you aren’t”

Liz snuggled up to Charlie.

“What about your little skill? How did that come about?”

“Oh that!” replied Liz a little flippantly.

“One day I was out walking in the woods with Bill. I must have been about 10 or 11, when we came upon this horse with a really bad gash down its flanks. The poor thing was terrified. Bill dashed off to raise the alarm. I went into the field and just started talking to the horse. It calmed down. I got hold if it’s bridle and led it to the gate and to the stables”

“There must be more to it that that?”

“People asked me about the thing but I just didn’t know what to say. I just dismissed it as a one off”

“Then there was the incident with Kat”

“Yeah. Kat was bloody silly. She didn’t think. It was a windy and we were out for a walk. She got interested in an orchid of some sort so she climbs over the fence into this field.”

“That was fine but then her rather silly hat blew off and went further into the field where the Bull was in with the Cows doing what comes naturally. The one thing you don’t do it interrupt a Bull when it he is at work.”

Charles nodded.

“It all started to go pear shaped when Kat ran off towards the Bull to get her hat. The Bull didn’t take kindly and charged. She got trampled. Broke her arm and really did her legs in. The medics only had one option. They amputated her legs just above the knee. That is the Kat you see today”

“But what did you do? She won’t talk about it”

“I called 999 on my Mobile. Then I went in after her and just talked to the Bull. It soon calmed down”

“By the time the Ambulance arrived, it was as docile as a kitten. After that, I got scared. Bill & Kat convinced me to investigate my skill further. So I began talking to horses. They responded and I felt good for the first time in a long time. It was very therapeutic you know taking to the animals. It made me feel like Dr Doolittle.”

“How do you do it?”

“That is a mystery that one day, I’d like to solve. I just don’t have a clue. I wish I did. It is not something I like to brag about. You know how I am about publicity”

“And you work for a Magazine?”

“Yeah. What do they say about photographers? They don’t like to be photographed. The same sort of thing applies to me. I’d rather be reporting the events than making them”

“Well, my darling you won’t have to be on either side for much longer”

Liz sat looking at the Atlantic Breakers hitting the beach. A couple of surfers were enjoying themselves. A man was walking his dog along the beach. All seemed at east with the world.

“It will be nice to go somewhere and start a new life together when this is over”, said Liz obviously having finished her tale.

“Why not sooner?”

“What do you mean?”

“What I’m saying my darling is, lets to back and get married and then leave New York for good”

“Where will we go?”

“I have an idea but I want it to be a surprise Wedding Present”

“Oh goody. I Love surprise pressies”

The couple stayed on the beach until well after dark.

Finally, hunger pains drove them to a Bajan Fish Fry Restaurant further up the beach. The local Rum flowed well into the night.

Liz was deliriously happy.

Happy that she’d told Charlie her story and that he hadn’t left her.

She held onto him really tight all night.

Charlie started to realise how much of a load had been lifted from Liz’s shoulders that day.

In turn, he felt very lucky to have met someone like Liz. She demanded so little from him.

Now it was going to be his turn to give.

[Continued in Part 12]

Funny Business - Chapter 12, The Happy Day and a new Beginning

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

Fully refreshed & relaxed, Liz & Charlie flew back to New York a week later.

They arrived home only to find that Charlie’s Mother was still on the warpath. For the time being, his Father was managing to keep her under control but not until she had fly posted their rented home with flyers exposing Liz to all their neighbours.

This single event only made it more imperative that they get out of town as soon as possible.

On the first full day back, Liz went into the City and met up with Jake to go over the final edits to the story.

Charles went to his Beach House for a meeting with his father.

“Hi Dad”

“Welcome back Son. You look good”

“Thanks. Yes. Barbados was very nice”

“Where’s Liz?”

“She’s gone into New York to meet Jake, the Editor”

“Is she ok?”

“Yes. She’s fine. We did a lot of talking in Barbados”

“Did it all make sense?”

“Yeah. I had a good idea about a lot of things in her past but even so, some of the things she’s been through were pretty awful”

His father looked at him.

“You really love her don’t you?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Yes.”

“Do you mind? Do you want know about Liz and her past?”

“Not in the slightest. I only want you to be happy. I’d love to have had some grandkids one day but at the moment I’m more concerned about you”

“How’s Mom?”

Charles Sr looked rather sad.

“She’s calmed down a bit after the episode with the fly posting. The local Sheriff Department gave her a $1500 fine and a really stern talking to.”

“I’d like to think she’ll stay that way as long as she doesn’t know you are back. She thinks you are on Maui”

“Thanks for the deception”

His father chuckled.

“It was only a little white lie. After all, you were on an Island close to the equator”

“Thanks anyway”

“Did you bring the papers?” asked his Father.

“Yes. There are all signed. You have the authority to sell this place. At least Mom can’t take this away from me”

“Yeah. It is rather a shame about the trust fund”. He laughed.

“Two lawyers in the family and neither of us bothered to read the small print of the contract”

They both forced a laugh. There was a good deal of money in that trust fund.

Neither of them wanted to force the matter through the courts. They both knew that Charlie’s Mother was a very determined woman when she put her mind on cone course of action.

“You know the market is quite a bit down at the moment?” said his Father changing the subject a bit.

“You will probably only get about 2.5 for it. A couple of years ago, it would have been double that at least”

“It’s not all about the money Dad”.

“I know son. I know”

Charlie gave his father a set of keys for the house.

“I’ll get the removers in a few days to clear everything and put it in storage. Then you can get it listed. How long do you think it will take to sell?”

“Summer is not far away. I’m sure it will get sold for the right price”

“Price it to sell Dad. Take the first decent Cash offer. ”

“I will.”

There was a moment of silence between the two men.

“Where are you going to go, that is if you don’t mind me asking?”

Charlie smiled.

“No Dad, I don’t mind you asking. Somewhere we can start again as a family”

He paused for a second.

“It is near the Duck Valley Indian Reservation. It straddled the border between Nevada & Idaho.”

“Wow. That is well out of the way. Why there?”

“Liz’s adopted brother is giving us a parcel of land as a wedding present”

“How big a parcel?”

Charlie smiled.

“Oh not much. Getting on for 36 thousand acres”

“Gee, that is some wedding present. Are you sure it is big enough?” he said grinning.

“I sure hope so. Apparently most of it is leased to the local Indians as it is next to the Reservation.”

His father stepped away and looked at his Son.

“I wish you luck Son. You & Liz make a great couple.”

Charlie stepped forward and hugged his father.

“Just don’t forget to send me an invitation to the wedding ok?”

“I won’t dad. I won’t”

Meanwhile Liz was on a train heading for Penn Station. She was due to meet Jake at the magazine offices.

Despite working there for several years, she was decidedly nervous, as it had been six months since she was last ‘in the office’. She felt as if it was her first time rather than her last time to visit her place of work.

As she walked across the Magazine editorial floor, she could feel everyone’s eyes on her. She forced a smile onto her face as she stopped outside Jake’s door.

She knocked and entered.

The beaming smile on his face hold her that he was glad to see her.

“Come on in Liz. Take a seat.”

“Thanks Jake”, replied Liz slightly nervously.

“How was the walk of shame?”, asked Jake referring to the scrutiny she’d received as she walked through the open plan office to Jake’s office.

Liz laughed.

“I hope I’m not the Weakest Link?” Replied Liz trying to make light of the ordeal.

“Not a chance Liz”

Jake poured some coffee for them both.

“How was the holiday?”

“Great. I really didn’t want to leave”

“How’s Charlie?”

“He’s fine. He’s with his father today sorting out some family business”

“Anything to do with his Mother?”

“In a roundabout way it is”

“When are you coming back to work for us?”

Liz laughed.

“You know I’m not”

“I had to ask just in case”

“Yeah Jake I know you did”

“Shall we get down to work?” suggested Jake changing the subject.

“Lets do just that”

Jake sat back in his chair and smiled at Liz.

“Actually there is nothing to do. Word has come down from on high that I’m not to change a word. So my dear friend Liz there is nothing more to do apart from put it to press and wait for the fashion week”

Liz smiled.

“So you got me here on false pretences then?”

“Just a bit. I wanted to see you and see how you are.”

“I’m fine. Barbados was great”

“Barbados? It’s all right for some then”

“It was some R&R. Mostly walking on the beach & relaxing. Charlie did take me to the races. It was great fun”

Liz was grinning all over her face.

“I take it you won then”

“Yeah. A 500/1 accumulator”

“Who bought dinner that night?”

“Charlie naturally”

“I guess that you are ok then. What are you two going to do next?”

Liz took hold of Jake’s hands and with a big smile on her face, she said,

“We are getting married in England. You’re invited so don’t worry. I’d be honoured if you would give me away?”

Jake was not all that surprised about them getting married but her request for him to give her away was very much a shock.

“What about your Brother?”

“Jake, I’d really like it if you could give me away. In a way, you saved my life.”

“Bill will just be proud that I’m getting married. Besides, he has Kat to look after”.

Jake thought for a moment.

“I’d be very proud to give you away. Just as long as it is not during any deadline weeks”

“Of course it won’t. I’ll make sure of that.”

“What are you going to wear?”

“’My’ wedding dress naturally” replied Liz with a huge smile on her face.

He grinned back and said “Good for you”

“Do you have any spies in the Designers place”, said Liz changing the subject.

Jake smiled and tapped the side of his nose.

Liz grinned.

“And what’s the gossip?”

“’T’ minus four months and counting” said Jake mimicking a NASA Countdown.

“That’s all I need to know”, replied a mightily relieved Liz.

On her way out of the office, Liz stopped by her old desk. Her former assistant Louise was sitting in ‘her’ chair.

“Well, does it fit?”

Louise jumped with surprise.

“Liz! You’re back? You startled me”

She was about to get up when Liz said,

“Stay there. You’ve lusted after my desk for long enough, you might as well keep it, for now at least”

“I don’t know what you mean. Aren’t you coming back to work?”

“No Louise, I’m not. I just came to hand Jake my resignation.”

Louise was more composed now.

“Where are you going to work?”

Liz smiled.

“I haven’t the faintest idea. None at all”

“What are you going to do then?”

“I’m getting Married”, replied Liz with a broad grin on her face.

“Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Oh, no one you could possibly know. We fell in love in Milan”

Liz thought, ok, it is a little bit of a lie but hey, whom cares, and it will feed the gossip machine quite nicely.

“Is he Italian then?”

“No.”

“Where will you live?”

“Somewhere in Europe. He has a nice place on the Mediterranean as well as an

apartment in London” lied Liz, enjoying every word she was uttering. She did have this vision of her nose getting longer and longer but hey, she though, I’m enjoying this.

“So, he’s loaded then?”

“He’s rich but not that rich. A little place on the coast near Perpignan”

“You’ve hit the jackpot then?” suggested Louise.

“I think so, yes”

“When’s the happy day?”

“In a few weeks in England. Don’t worry, Jake can tell you all about it. He’s coming”

Liz looked at her watch.

“Must dash, I’m having a fitting for my dress”

“Ohhh. Who’s the designer? You must tell”

“You are looking at her. I designed my own Wedding Dress.”

Without waiting for an answer, Liz simply said

“Bye”

Then she turned on her heels and left Louise to feed the office gossip machine. Louise would find it difficult beat that one.

Before all this assignment, she’d always tried to get one over on Liz. There was no way Louise would win this last encounter.

As Liz got into the lift, she gave her a ‘one up to me’ sign in the air. She was grinning from ear to ear. Louise just glared back.

While she waited for her train back to Southampton, she called Jake and updated him.

“You spun a good one there Liz.” He commented after she’d told him everything.

“Sorry Jake, I said the first thing that came into my head”

“You’ll have to bring Gloria in on the lie and you know how much a blabbermouth she is”

“Ok. Jake, I’ve said I’m sorry. What can I do to make amends?”

“I will try Jake, I will try”

Later that day, Liz was sitting in the sunroom at the rear of the house doing some sketches in the Southampton House when Charlie returned.

“Hi Darling, how did the meeting with your Father go?”

“Very well, he’s listed the house this week. He sends his regards by the way”

“How’s your Mother? Did you see her?”

“I didn’t see her but Pop says she is still on the warpath. He confirmed that she has frozen my trust fund. It is our own fault. Dad’s for not seeing it in the first place and mine for not reading it when I came of age”

Liz held his hand.

“Don’t worry darling. I have some savings and the money from the sale of the beach house should let us start afresh somewhere”

“Liz, I’m going to say this only once, any money you have is yours and yours alone. We can live off my earnings and what I have in the bank if needs be. When the house is sold there will be more than enough to live off of for some time to come”

They kissed for a long time.

“You are so sweet when you say things like that” whispered Liz when they came up for air.

Over dinner that night, Charlie asked,

“Have you thought where you want to get married?”

“I think I’d like to get hitched in England, why do you ask?”

“I was thinking of somewhere this side of the Atlantic”

“Isn’t that a little difficult? Only a few states allow full rights same sex marriages”

“Massachusetts does. What about England?”

“Not quite marriages but things called Civil Partnerships. Almost all the same rights as a full blown marriage”

Charlie smiled at Liz.

“I think England it should be then. Where do you propose?”

“There is only one place silly.”

“Don’t tell me. A certain stately home some 90 odd miles north of London that just happens to be licensed for weddings”

Liz grinned.

“Then I guess I’d better call Bill then”

“Not tonight you aren’t”

“Why?”

“Look at the time?”

The kitchen clock said 6:18pm

Then it dawned on Charlie that it was after 11pm in England.

“Tomorrow then. Let’s go out to dinner?”

“As long as you are paying”

*

[Three weeks later]

Charlie’s phone rang.

“Hi Dad. What’s up?”

“Oh great. How much?”

“Oh well. Beggars can’t be choosers. Does Mom know yet?”

“Ok. When do you expect to close the deal?”

“Fine. That sounds great”

“Yeah. Next Friday on United to Birmingham at 7pm”

“See you at the Airport. Bye Dad”

He turned to Liz

“Great news, the House has sold. Not as much as I’d hoped but enough all the same.”

“When will you get the money?”

“Why? So you can spend it all”

“Perhaps. Isn’t that what wives do with their husbands money?” said Liz teasing Charlie.

“Pah!”

“What was that about the flights?”

“Dad is joining us on the flight”

“I’m pleased for you. You know to have someone close to you on the big day”

“Thanks darling”

“What was that about your Mother?”

Liz refused to use the word ‘Mom’ on principle.

“Dad hasn’t told her. She thinks he’s going to Pebble Beach with some old legal buddies to play Golf.”

“Will the lie stand up?”

“Yes. They are actually going to play Golf so it was apparently easy for them to go along with it. Well they are now after Dad suggested it and pledged $500 towards the bar tab”

They both laughed.

“Great. Did you get everything from the house all put into storage?”

“All Two and a half container loads of it. I never realised that there was so much stuff in that house”

“How much did you throw away?”

“Not nearly enough. Besides, I had to leave some for you to chuck out when we unpack it all”

Liz hit Charlie quite hard on the arm.

*

[A few days later and very early in the morning at Birmingham International Airport]

Liz, Charlie & Charles Sr had just landed after the flight from JFK. Bill was waiting to greet them in the arrivals hall.

“Bill, this is my Father, Charles” said Charlie to Bill when they met up.

“Pleased to meet you Baron Hardcastle” he said as he offered his hand.

Bill grinned back. Charlie had briefed him about his father’s tendency towards formality in times of stress.

“Will you cut the crap Charles? I’m just plain Bill to pretty well everyone”

“Ok. Bill pleased to meet you”

Bill turned to Liz who was enjoying the scene in the Arrivals hall of the airport.

“How was the flight Liz”, said Bill as the two hugged.

“Boring as usual. The in-flight movies were all rubbish so what’s new?”

Bill laughed.

“Great to have you all here. I thought that there was going to be a fourth?”

“There was. But Jake decided to bring his wife and she had a hairdressers appointment yesterday that she wouldn’t move”

They all laughed.

“They’ll be here tomorrow don’t worry”, said Liz.

“Come on, Kat is driving round and round. She can’t park to save her life”, said Bill as they all headed for the exit door.

Liz stopped dead in her tracks.

“Kat is driving a car?”

“Don’t worry Liz, we got the Range Rover converted for her. Hand controls only”

“Has her driving improved?”

“What do you think?”

“Then it’s a ‘no’ then?”

“It’s a no”

They only had to wait less than a minute before Kat came screeching to a halt.

“Hi Guys, pile in” shouted Kat through the open window of the Range Rover.

Bill & Charlie loaded their bags into the back of the Rover and they set off.

Luckily, it was fairly early on the Saturday Morning and traffic was light. Nevertheless, Kat’s somewhat cavalier driving style gave Charles several scares on the journey to Bills Home.

When the car rounded the last corner and ‘home’ came into view, Charles couldn’t help himself.

“That is sure a large house you have there Bill”

“A legacy of my ancestors I’m afraid. I’d like a smaller place but Kat here wouldn’t have anywhere for her races when it rains”

That bought a laugh from Liz & Charlie.

Charles was going to have to get to know Kat before he understood the joke.

*

Liz & Charlie gave Charles the grand tour that afternoon after a ‘pub lunch’. Charles was really blown away by the site of Bill behind the bar laughing & joking with the villagers.

When they got to the racing stables, Charles took Liz to one side and asked,

“Are you sure that this is not some act for me. What’s that with Bill serving in the pub? Why does he do that?”

Liz put her arm in Charles’s and walked him towards the indoor school where a few geldings were being put through their paces.

“Charles, I had all this with Charlie.

When he first met Bill he was serving behind that very bar counter. He works there several lunchtimes a week unless he has to be down in London on some House of Lords business.”

“But why? He owns all this” exclaimed Charles.

“Because he can and he enjoys it. He says it keeps him down to earth and more in touch with people”

“This is going to be hard to get used to”

“Charles, just relax. Bill & Kat are human just like you and me. None of us stand on ceremony. Be normal ok”

He whispered back.

“I don’t know what normal is around here”

“You’ll be fine. Charlie took a while to get it. I’m sure you will too”

“I hope so. I really hope so”

A little later, Charles said to Liz,

“I’ve never seen my son to happy. I had my reservations to begin with about you two but you two seem just made for each other. You have my blessing. It is a real shame about his Mother. I wish she’d even try to get to know you”

“Don’t worry Charles. You are here and I know that means so much to Charlie”

*

Jake & Gloria joined everyone the following day. Gloria was in total awe of the House and everything. Jake had visited the Estate before so he quickly adjourned to the Pub for lunch with Charles & Charlie leaving Liz to look after Gloria. Kat was, well, being Kat and in total control of the wedding organisation.

*

The great day dawned bright and fair. Liz & Gloria disappeared off into Market Harborough to get her hair done. The men got in the way of Kat who was charging around the place in her chair with clipboard on her lap supervising everyone and everything.

Around 11am, Liz arrived back with Gloria in tow and began to get ready for the ceremony that was due to begin at 1pm.

Gloria was like Kat in many ways, as she was naturally fussy about things. Normally, this caused Jake many headaches but today, was the day when ‘fussy’ was just right attitude to take.

When Liz put on the dress she had designed and made, she felt so proud.

As she admired herself in the mirror, she remembered her past, her troubles and everything that had gone before. Now here she was on her wedding day. A day to begin the rest of her life with the man she loved. The day to put all of her past troubles behind forever.

When all preparations were complete and Gloria pronounced Liz ready the main event, the butterflies really started to pound in her stomach.

“Gloria, there is one more thing to do”

“What sweetie? You look marvellous.”

“Can you do the laces up on my sleeves?”

“Why? They look great just as they are?”

“No, I designed it to be worn with them done up. Done up tight”

“If you say so?”

“Please”

Gloria did the laces up that literally tied Liz’s arms to her side.

“You won’t be able to lift your veil you know”

Liz grinned.

“That is the idea”

Then Gloria twigged.

“Oh my. You little she-devil” she exclaimed with a broad grin on her face.

*

“Are you ready Liz?” asked Jake as they assembled at the bottom of the main staircase in the house.

“Yes. I’m ready”

“Let’s go then”

Jake tried to take Liz’s arm but couldn’t.

“What’s this?” asked Jake.

“It’s the signature part of my dress. A little something for you to look out for on a catwalk in a couple of months time”

Jake grinned back.

“You look great.”

“Thanks Boss”

Jake escorted Liz into the Ballroom where the ceremony was being held.

Everyone was there. It looked a little odd when only 20 people were in the room that could take more than 200 but Liz didn’t mind. Her eyes were focussed on Charlie. He was smiling at he as she slowly walked towards him to the sound of the ‘Wedding March’.

Liz got to her place in the room and the sounds of the music died away.

Charlie lifted her Veil over her head revealing her face.

She was wearing false eyelashes for the first time. They really accentuated her eye shape. She fluttered them at her lover.

The registrar began the ceremony.

“We are gathered here to day to join this couple in civil partnership”

The next 10 minutes were a complete blur to Liz. She did remember saying a few things but the next thing she remembered for sure was the delicate kiss that Charlie gave her as the ceremony ended.

He took her arm and slowly walked her back out of the room. Her eyes were wet with tears of Joy.

Something that she’d never ever thought was possible for her had just happened. It didn’t matter if legally, it wasn’t a wedding but to her it was.

Her Wedding.

She was married. Something that she’d hardly dared to dream about as a child, a crazy mixed up cross-dressing child.

The rest of the day was just as much of a blur to Liz as the ceremony.

She was ‘walking on air’ with happiness. Charlie was by her side the whole time. At one point, Jake remarked that they seemed to be joined at the hip. Liz just held Charlie tighter.

Jake, Gloria & Charles left the reception in the middle of the afternoon to get the last flight to JFK from Heathrow. Charles exchanged kisses with Liz as he left the party happy that his son had found someone that would make him happy for a long time to come.

Liz & Charles made their departure not long afterwards. They were staying overnight in a 16^th Century Hotel near on the Thames Maidenhead before flying back to the US the following day.

Just before they left, Bill quietly gave Charlie an envelope and said,

“Don’t forget, we’ll see you there in eight weeks”

*

The flight west over the Atlantic seemed a bit of a let down after the previous few days.

Liz was strangely quiet on the flight.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing Darling”

“Why are you so quiet?”

“Is there anything wrong in being quiet especially after all the fun & games of yesterday?”

“I suppose not”

Liz decided to change the subject.

“Are you going to let on where we are going for our Honeymoon?”

Charlie smiled.

“The US”

“What do you mean the US?”

“I’ve bought us a 6 berth camper van. We can go anywhere we want for then next month or so. Neither of us has really seen the country and the vacation season is almost upon us. This way, we can just up sticks and move on whenever we feel like it”

Liz leaned over and kissed him.

“You nearly had me there” she said smiling.

Charlie wasn’t smiling.

“Oh shit. You meant it didn’t you?”

He nodded his head slightly.

“Then that is what we will do. I’m sure we can find a beach or two on our travels”

*

The RV and its occupants arrived in Las Vegas after some six weeks. Liz didn’t know it but they were a good two weeks early. The happy couple spent an enjoyable three days in a suite at one of the bigger casinos where Liz once again proved she had quite a bit of luck when it came to gambling when she won more than $13,000 at the blackjack table on their second night.

The next day, they visited a local Motorcycle dealership despite the protestations of Charlie about Motorcycles being dangerous and all that, he bowed to the inevitable.

“We could buy two you know. ‘His & Hers’?” suggested Liz half joking.

“One is enough thank you very much” he replied firmly.

“I don’t have a car like you do so this will do me nicely when we get wherever it is we are going”

“Liz… About my car?”

“Yes. What about it?”

“I sold it to buy the camper”

Liz went very serious for a moment.

“Why didn’t you say so? You really loved that car”

“I know but this was a bit more important”

She kissed him.

“As long as you don’t mind sitting on the back of the bike?”

“I’ve never ridden on a bike before. Motorcycles were never an option at home. Besides, you never said you had a motorcycle license”

“You never asked. Hey, its no big deal especially out here with these great open spaces”

Charlie kissed Liz

“So what sort of machine did you have in mind?”

“That one”, said Liz pointing at a bike with a White petrol tank.

“Why that one?”

“Because it is relatively small and thus easy to handle in traffic plus, it is made in Leicestershire”

Charles sighed.

“And I suppose that Bill has a large shareholding in the company that makes them?”

Liz shook her head.

“No, Triumph is a private company so no, he doesn’t own any shares in it. He does own some shares in a company that makes bits for them though”

Charlie sighed to himself and mentally accepted that Liz was going to get what she wanted.

He decided to appear to be interested.

“It looks very different to all the others on show, especially those red ones”

“Oh, you mean the Ducati’s. Yes. Different markets. Those Ducati’s are really street legal road race machines. The Triumph Bonneville is much more sedate. Ideal for us to enjoy ourselves together on it”

“How will we take it with us?”

“On a trailer silly”

“I can see this all getting rather expensive”

“I have my winnings. That will more than cover the costs including a leather one piece for me”

This last bit of information got Charlie a tad more interested.

Liz teased him.

“Naturally, I’d wear nothing underneath, just for you”

“You know exactly what buttons to push don’t you?”

“Oh yes my darling. That is why we are so good together”

Just then any further discussion was cut short by the arrival of a salesman.

“Hi, I’m Wayne. How can I help you”?

At the mention of his name, Liz got the sniggers.

“I’m sorry for my Wife. She gets like that sometimes.” Said Charlie apologising.

“She’s interested in the Bonneville”

Liz recovered a modicum of composure.

“Yes. Like a test ride on one if possible. I haven’t ridden one of the later Bonnies”

“I can tell from your accent that you are not from around here,” said Wayne.

“No, I was brought up less than 30 miles from where that was made. I take it is a Hinckley built machine”

Wayne gave up. He knew that there was a pretty woman who knew her bikes. His only recourse was to do the deal. There was no chance for him to play the salesman here.

“Yes. It is a Hinckley Model”

Liz smiled.

“Please come into the office and we can get you a test ride sorted out”

Half an hour later, Liz left the showroom on a similar machine for a test ride. A member of the workshop staff followed her on a Ducati. Charlie was left kicking his heels in the RV.

They returned some 20 minutes later after riding out to the Motor Speedway circuit on the north-eastern edge of the City.

“How was that?” asked Charlie as she took off her helmet.

“Fantastic. Really great to be on two wheels again”

The rider who had accompanied Liz was talking earnestly with Wayne. No doubt he was giving him a run down on the run.

Wayne sauntered over to the couple and said,

“I gather you know how to ride a bike then. Arron reports that you left him for dead a few times”

Liz grinned.

“It was fun. Tell Arron from me that he is a good rider but he doesn’t know the width of his bike very well”

“So I understand”

“Can we do a deal? I would be a cash buyer.”

Wayne’s face lit up.

“Please come this way”, said Wayne leading them into the showroom.

An hour later, the RV was on its way to a dealership in the north of Vegas to procure a trailer for the bike.

Liz was as happy as a sand-boy or should that be a sand-girl.

The purchase of the Bonneville was actually a godsend for Charlie. They went to the north rim of the Grand Canyon, Zion and Bryce Canyon during the next week and a half. They would park the RV in one of the many sites and go off for the day on the Bike. Charles started warming to the idea and got a kick out of the reaction to people when they saw it was Liz who was ‘up-front’.

He soon realised that she was a good rider and he was a crap passenger. On one bend, he leaned the wrong way and only a sharp cry from Liz stopped them from coming a cropper.

The other thing he had to admit that was that Liz really looked sexy in her black leather one piece which she wore as promised, without a stitch of clothing on underneath.

Fresh from a very welcome bit of sidetracking, the RV was travelling west along Interstate 80 near Elko when Charles suggested,

“Why don’t we stay the night here”?

“Why? It’s early yet and I’m sure we could make Reno before dark?”

“I’m a bit tired and fancy stopping early tonight”

“Ok darling. You are driving today so you decide.”

Charles breathed a small sigh of relief. They had an appointment to keep. One that Liz didn’t know anything about.

Charles pulled off into the RV Park that was near the Interstate Intersection.

When they’d hooked everything up and taken a shower, Liz was just about to get the bike off the trailer when Charles stopped her.

“Let’s not drive tonight. Why don’t we take a cab? Then you can have a drink as well?”

Liz smiled.

“Fair enough”

“Why don’t you put on something nice tonight?”

“What are you up to my darling?” asked Liz smelling a ‘rat’.

Charles smiled.

“Nothing my dear. Absolutely nothing”

“Yeah and pigs might fly”

Nevertheless, a couple of hours later, they arrived at the best ‘steakhouse’ in the town.

“Do you have a reservation sir?” asked the waiter in charge of seating customers.

“We are joining someone. I see them here already”

Liz looked around and then she saw two friendly faces in the far corner of the restaurant.

“You little so and so” said Liz.

“Why didn’t you say?”

“It is a surprise. What’s wrong with that?”

Liz kissed Charlie. The mild spat between them was gone with the wind.

The walked towards their friends hand in hand.

“Hi guys. Fancy seeing you in this neck of the woods”

Charlie shook hands with Bill while Liz hugged Kat.

“You two look great. Married life seems to suit you,” remarked Kat.

Charlie laughed.

“It has its challenges especially when the little wife decides to use her blackjack winnings to buy a Motorcycle”

Kat & Bill laughed.

“And she’s got you riding pillion?” asked Bill.

He nodded.

“He has his moments especially when he leans the wrong way” added Liz.

That really got the evening off to a good start.

When their orders had been taken, Liz asked.

“Ok guys. What is the real reason you have flown more than four thousand miles and then driven to some town that is little more than a truck stop in the interstate in the middle of nowhere?”

It was Bill who answered.

“We wanted to give you your wedding present ourselves.”

“Why couldn’t you have done that back in England before we left?” asked Liz.

“Because my darling sister Liz, the present is here.”

He paused.

“Well, not quite here but a bit to the north of here. Near the border with Idaho”

Liz thought for a few moments.

“Not that bit of land that your great great whatever uncle Marvin left for the family?”

Bill smiled and held Kat’s hand.

“That’s it”

“It’s not exactly a ‘bit’ of land though,” said Kat.

Liz ignored the hint and turned to Charlie.

“And you, my devious bastard husband has known all about this all along?”

Charlie couldn’t deny this.

“Yes” he said quietly.

“As Oliver Hardy would say, ‘Another fine mess you have gotten me into’”

They all laughed but Charlie soon became more serious.

“It might very well be the place where we can settle down and live our life as we want it on our own place”

“I’d thought more of a small house, with a white picket fence and a two car garage in a suburb somewhere,” said Liz with a grin on her face.

It took a second or two before the others got her joke.

“How big is this ‘bit’ of land?”

Bill left it to Charlie to answer,

“A little over 36 thousand acres”

Liz gawped.

“That’s huge. It must be how big? I can’t relate the size”

“One third of the size of the Isle of Wight”

“That’s frigging huge. Are you sure?”

“Yes I am. But…”

Liz cried,

“There has to be a but”

Bill persevered.

“As I was saying, but there is a complication. The land is next door to the local Indian Reservation. They are Paiutes I think. Anyway, they have a lease on the land that gives them the right to graze their horses and cattle for another 890 years.”

“So we can do sweet f.a. with it?”

“Not exactly. The lease document allows for the owner to use any part of the land for a residence with a maximum size of 250 acres. According to legend, great, great Uncle Marvin planned to move there but he died before he could fulfil that dream.” Said Bill.

Then he turned to Liz.

“Sis, you always refused charity even in your darkest days. This is the one time you can’t really say no. Kat & I thought that you & Charlie deserved a great start in your married life. This is it. It is also a long way from just about anywhere especially your Mother in Law.”

Charlie had been remarkably silent throughout this exchange between Bill & Liz came into the argument.

“Darling, can’t you see, this is our chance to build a life together. We’ve talked about this often enough. Your brother is giving us the head start we need.”

Liz smiled.

“And be about as far from a beach as you could be?”

“What’s with it with you and beaches? We went to the beach on Sanibel Island and you lasted barely half an hour before you got bored?”

Liz kissed Charlie and whispered,

“Can’t you tell when I’m pulling your leg?”

They kissed again.

“So we are all going there tomorrow?”

“That is the plan”

“Great, I’ll take Kat on the bike”

“Liz! You will do no such thing,” protested Bill.

Kat was grinning.

“Shut the hell up Bill. I’m going and that’s the end of it. Remember when you used to take me around the estate on that heap of rusty machinery you called a bike?”

“Hey what’s wrong with it?”

“How old is it? How much time did you spend fiddling with it? Then it blew up one day with us on it. Liz rides a new machine.”

“Ok. Ok. I get the message but that was before…”

“Yeah and that’s one bit of me that can’t get injured ever again. Now can it?”

Bill knew when he was beaten.

He pulled out a white handkerchief out of his pocket and waved it in surrender.

[Continued in part 13]

Funny Business - Chapter 13, A warm welcome on a cold day

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

---

From here to the end of the story, I am going to need some 'artistic license'. I'm no expert on Native Americans and their lives etc. I fully accept responsibility for factual errors. I hope those that do appear won't affect your reaction to the story
Samantha

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The next morning was bright, clear and not too hot. Liz thought it was perfect for a nice ride on the bike. Kat decided upon a set of waterproofs to keep the wind out but as usual, Liz wore her leathers.

The three vehicles set off north towards Idaho, the bike soon left the RV & Bill’s rental car far behind.

They caught up at a truck stop nearly 2 hours later.

Kat was invigorated.

“That was great. I really enjoyed that”

“Is that all you are going to do?” complained Liz.

“I thought you’d tire of me being on the back”

“Nope. You are a great passenger. Better than some people around here I could mention,” remarked Liz as they went into the Truck Stop for a coffee.

“Well then, I’ll stay on the back if I may”

“Great. But this time we will be following the guys. They have the Sat-Nav to tell us the way from here.”

*

They ate a typical ‘Truck Stop’ Lunch before continuing north this time in a much closer convoy.

A little after 2pm Bill flashed the lights on the Hire Car and everyone came to a halt seemingly in the middle of nowhere.

The congregated outside the RV.

“According to the GPS, we are there. Over to the east is the National Forrest and to the west of our land, is the Reservation” said Bill.

“There’s not a lot here is there?” remarked Liz in a slightly grumbly tone.

“Don’t be silly, there’s a mall just down the road. Only a 100 miles away” joked Kat.

“What do we do now?” asked Liz.

“Why don’t we see if there is some sort of road or track that will take us away from the road?”

No one disagreed with that. The ‘convoy’ drove on along the highway.

A couple of miles further along the highway there was a gate in the fence. A visible track led away from the road.

Liz stopped the bike and after seeing that it wasn’t locked opened it for the RV & car to enter.

She pushed the bike through the gate and closed it behind her.

About a mile away from the road the mostly barren terrain changed. They came upon a beautiful valley with a small river/large stream running through it. A line of low growth trees marked the path of the stream.

Charlie stopped the RV and got out. Everyone joined him admiring the view.

“This is the sort of place I had in mind when Bill told me about this place”

“It is so beautiful, so idyllic.” Said Liz.

“Just the perfect place to build a home” suggested Charlie.

Without anyone actually saying so, the group began to setup camp.

There was more than enough room in the RV for everyone to sleep. The fridge was full of food so there was no need to ‘go out’ for dinner and this place was certainly well outside the delivery area for the local fast food joint.

The sun was just starting to drop behind the hills when the tranquillity was interrupted by the arrival of a police car.

For no good reason, it drove up and with everyone watching, put on its siren for a few seconds despite everyone standing and watching the car arrive.

A single officer got out.

Everyone was a bit nervous as he kept his hand on the butt of his gun.

“Don’t you people know this is private property?”

Charlie looked at Bill who stepped forward.

“Just stay right where you are buddy”

Bill stopped.

“None of us have any weapons so take it easy” said Charlie.

“We know this is private property. I’m the owner”

“That’s where you are very wrong buddy. This land is part of the Indian Reservation”

“Officer, I have the copy of the land deed in the RV and also a copy of the treaty where my ancestor leased this land to the local Indian Tribe.”

“Now I know you are lying. They’d never agree to lease any land from anybody”

“Officer, I have to ask you to leave. It is you who are trespassing on private property. Plus the fact that if this land is as you say part of the reservation, you don’t have any jurisdiction on the Reservation unless, you are part of the Reservation Police?” said Charles.

“Are you some fancy lawyer?”

“Yes. I am a lawyer, from New York. These fine people with me are British.

William over there is a high ranking politician in the British Government. So unless you want a major diplomatic scene here with the State Department crawling all over your police department”

“We don’t like strangers issuing threats around here buddy”

“We aren’t going anywhere tonight. Why don’t you come back tomorrow with the Reservation Police and someone from the Reservation who will understand what the fuck I’m talking about. Ok?” said Charlie.

This was a new side of Charlie that she’d never seen before. She liked what she was seeing. A sometimes more assertive Charlie would be rather nice to live with.

“You are quite welcome to search the RV & the car for weapons. The only things we have are a few knives for cutting up food.”

The policeman didn’t take up the offer. He returned to his car and spoke for sometime into the radio microphone.

Without another word, he got in, started the engine and left the group alone once more but not without a short burst of his siren for good measure.

He was well out of sight before anyone said anything.

“Why don’t we get the hell out of here before he returns with 20 deputies and guns blazing?” suggested Kat.

Bill started to answer and then realized she was joking.

“Who’s for some rare steaks?” Suggested Charlie

No one could argue with that.

There were no more interruptions that evening. Everyone began to relax in the peaceful surroundings.

The following morning brought with it a big change in the weather.

The sun of the previous day was long gone and replaced by a steady drizzle that wouldn’t have been out of place set in just after dawn.

Everyone sat around slightly depressed in the RV watching the grey clouds scudding across the sky.

It was nearly midday before things cleared up and Charlie took Liz off for a walk.

When they got away from the others, Charlie asked.

“Do you think you could live here?”

Liz looked at him.

“You are really serious about this aren’t you?”

“Yes. Yes I am. This could be just what we need to build a life together”

“The more I think about it, the more I think that we need totally clean start. No baggage from the past living just around the corner or likely to bump into at Wallyworld”

“Wallyworld?”

“Sorry. Wal-Mart”

“Ok. I get the message.”

“Well?”

“Have you ever lived in the countryside? What are the winters like here? What about electricity & water? And? And? And?”

Charlie sighed.

“The ever practical Liz. I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that I’m prepared to give it a try. If we fail then so be it. I’d really like to try”

“Me too” replied Liz quietly.

They walked on a bit further.

“What sort of place did you have in mind?” asked Liz.

Charlie chuckled.

“I suppose you are thinking of something like the one of the Ranches we saw on the journey up from Elko?”

“Nope. Anyways, I was concentrating on the road ahead. What about you?”

“Something like that I suppose”

“I was thinking of something a bit more radical”

Charlie got this sinking feeling in his stomach.

“What sort of thing?”

“A Turf house”

“What the hell on earth is a Turf house?”

Liz giggled.

“They are very ancient. Think back to the days of the Vikings and all that invasion, pillaging and long ships”

They both laughed at the Hollywood films that show a slightly non-PC representation of the Vikings.

“They are very eco friendly and are wonderfully insulated from whatever weather is likely to be thrown at us.”

Liz went on to explain how they were built.

“What gave you the idea of one of those?” asked Charlie when she’d finished.

Liz laughed.

“The year I was adopted by Bill’s family, we all went on a summer holiday to Iceland. We stayed in one of them on the south coast of the island for a few nights. It was so different from the normal concrete box of a hotel room. It was great. There was this river almost right outside the house where we could go swimming. It was so cool”

“Was that all the time you spent in one? Two nights? That hardly seems to be enough?”

Liz smiled.

Charlie knew she wasn’t finished.

“Bill & I built one on the estate the next summer.

We really wanted a tree house but Bills father wouldn’t let us have one. So this was the next best thing. When it was complete, it became our little ‘den’. It’s probably still there. It was really cool in the summer heat. The design incorporates has something called ‘cross draft ventilation’. We didn’t know it at the time but it worked. We spent hours there in the summer holidays for the next couple of years”

“What about in the winter. Did you ever go there?”

“Of course we did. It was our little hideaway. It was quite warm inside even without heat”

“We could never get permission to build something like that”

“Why not?”

“Because the planners wouldn’t understand what we were trying to achieve”

“We can try can’t we? You are a lawyer after all. Lawyers can be very persuasive when they put their mind to it.”

Charlie knew when to shut up.

“Yes. I am and yes we can try” but he didn’t sound very positive.

When they arrived back at the RV, they found that they’d had a visitor. The visitor was from the Indian tribe who lived on the reservation. There was an invitation to meet with a representative of the tribe two days later at the tribal centre.

Everyone seemed to take this as a positive move.

Kat joked,

“At least they didn’t come riding bareback on ponies over the hill with war paint on their faces and firing arrows at us”

Liz replied, “Hollywood has a lot to answer for…”

That got a good laugh from everyone. Underneath, they knew that the meeting would be serious.

The group had a ‘cookout’ that night under a perfectly clear sky. After one bottle of wine had been consumed, Charlie announced.

“Liz & I would like to try to make this place a go. But there is a fly in the ointment. She wants to build a ‘turf house’.”

Bill fell about laughing.

Kat looked on amazed.

“Would someone like to let me in on the joke?”

Eventually Bill calmed down and told her about the place they’d built all those years ago.

“That is certainly different. I’ll say that much. Liz is certainly a one off. Very unconventional indeed” said Kat when she’d heard the tale of the house that Bill & Liz built.

*

Over breakfast the following morning, Liz said to Charlie,

“We are going to have to deal with the local authorities sooner or later. Why not make it sooner?”

“What do you mean?” asked Charlie.

“Firstly, we have to prove that this document relating to the land deal is genuine. Then we have to apply for planning permission for any structure we might want to build out here. We are at the mercy of the local planners or are the planning laws different in the Wild West?”

Everyone got the idea despite Liz’s brevity.

“So, we go back to Elko?”

“Yep. We go to the Police and nip that in the bud. Then we go to the local equivalent of the land registry and validate the documents. Then we see what sort of planning restrictions we might encounter when we announce that we want to build something slightly unconventional”

“Liz, sometimes, you are so frustrating. Sometimes, I want to throttle you,” said Charlie angrily.

Liz smiled and said

“And at other times, you want to fuck me silly”

That did it for Charlie.

He kissed her with a passion that Liz had never encountered before.

*

Two hours later, the convoy arrived back in Elko. Charlie & Bill went to the local Police station while Liz & Kat went shopping for supplies.

A little over an hour later, the two men were finished in the police station and went in search of the women.

They were waiting for them in the parking lot.

“How did it go?” asked Kat.

“So far so good. The local fuzz are satisfied that we aren’t trespassers or a threat to National Security.”

Everyone laughed at the last bit but it didn’t last as Bill looked very serious.

“Bill?” asked Liz.

The local plods are, well not the brightest of people. They had to refer everything to the State Police in Reno. Even there they had no idea about how to deal with us”

“What do you mean?” asked Kat.

“They refused to believe who I was despite my Passport and House of Lords ID. Eventually, and only after a lot of persuasion they Googled me. Only then did it sink in that I might be who I said I was. Pah!” said a frustrated Bill.

“Now for the local government?” suggested Kat changing the subject.

“Yep. I get the feeling that this won’t be so easy,” said Bill.

The team went into the County offices and found the planning department.

Charlie took the lead this time when they went into the planning office.

“We’d like to enquire about the planning constraints on rural properties”, said Charlie to the counter clerk.

“Where in the county did you want to develop?”

“On a parcel of land between the National Forrest & the Paiute Reservation off of route 223”

“I didn’t think there was any land for sale in that part of the county?” replied the clerk.

“It’s not up for sale. My friend here is the current owner. It has been in his family for over 100 years”

The clerk tapped some keys on her computer.

“It says here that the property taxes on that land are overdue”

Bill stepped forward.

“That should not be the case. There should be a regular payment from a bank in Reno”

After some more key tapping the clerk said,

“It was until last fall. Then the payments stopped for some reason. I suggest that you find out from the bank the reason why the payments stopped.”

“Will this have any effect on requests for planning permission on the property?”

“Yes. Until the overdue amount is paid then no changes are possible”

“Can I pay the amount outstanding now?” said Bill getting out his chequebook.

“I’m sorry, we don’t take out of state cheques”

“Are you sure? It certainly won’t bounce?”

“I’m afraid that is the policy of the county. Cash or Cheques drawn on a Nevada Bank or by Money Transfer are the only methods of payment we accept”

It was obvious that the clerk was not going to shift.

“Ok. I’ll be back with the cash probably tomorrow” said Bill.

With that, they left the planning office.

Outside, Bill made a show of banging his head against a brick wall.

“Bloody civil servants. They are the same the world over”

Liz & Kat were waiting for them outside having completed their raid on the local supermarket.

“Bad news girls. It looks like I’m going to have to go to Reno. The bank has not been paying the property taxes on the land for the last 9 months”

Kat looked concerned.

“I thought that there were payment made into the Reno bank every month?”

Bill replied, “Yes. Well there should be. I’ll call the accountant back home tomorrow to check the details from our end but at the moment, I think going to Reno is more important.”

He thought for a moment.

“Why don’t we head back to the RV and then Charlie & I can head off to Reno in the car. That is if you two don’t mind being left alone?”

Liz & Kat laughed.

“Oh, I think we are old enough to be left alone for a while”

With that, they all headed back to the Land and the Rv.

Bill & Charlie soon headed off to Reno hoping to get there before the banks closed for the day leaving Liz & Kat alone.

“Why don’t we go and introduce ourselves to our neighbours?” suggested Liz after lunch. She was feeling a bit bored.

“Great idea. Shall we go on the bike?”

“If you haven’t done enough walking for the day?”

“I’m fine. These new pins are really great. I don’t get sore like I used to with the old ones. Probably due to all the Soldiers coming back fro Afghanistan with limbs missing. The progress in prosthetics has been really fast these past few years”

“Ok. As long as you are ok, we’ll take the bike”

Half an hour later, Liz rode the bike out onto the highway and headed west towards the nearest settlement on the reservation.

Most of the buildings at the settlement were ‘trailer homes’ with a few concrete block buildings. Some of the trailer homes looked anything but mobile given the amount of ‘junk’ that surrounded them.

Liz pulled the bike up in front of one of the concrete buildings that looked the most official.

As she stopped the bike, a man came out of the building.

“Hello can I help you? The main road is back the way you came?”

“We aren’t lost but we came here deliberately. We’d like to talk to someone in charge. It’s about a parcel of land to the east of the reservation”

The man smiled and offered his hand in greeting.

“I’m Bill Three Fingers. I work for the tribal council. You must be the people camping out over there? We were expecting you tomorrow but please come into my office. It will be more comfortable inside. The afternoon breeze is getting up”

He showed them into his office. As he did so, he couldn’t help notice Kat’s slightly erratic walk.

“Do you have a problem with your legs? Perhaps I could call the tribal doctor?” asked Bill.

“No I’m fine,” said Kat.

Then she knocked her legs hard with her hand. They responded with an echo.

Bill looked rather concerned.

Kat smiled back.

“It’s all right, I don’t have any legs. A little argument with a Bull I’m afraid”

As first, Bill looked deeply concerned. Then he saw Kat’s demeanour.

Then Bill smiled as he realised that Kat had come to terms with the loss of her legs.

“I’m Kat, short for Katherine. This is Liz, short for Elizabeth”, said Kat introducing themselves to Bill.

“You accent is a little strange. Are you from the East Coast?”

They two women smiled at each other.

“A little further east than that. Some 3,000 miles further. England to be exact”

“You are certainly a long way from home”, then he added,

“What is this about some land?”

Kat took the lead.

“An ancestor of my Husband bought a piece of land the lies to the east of the reservation and borders the national forest. According to a document that my husband has, the land is leased to the tribe. My sister in law here and her husband are moving out here as we gave them the land as a wedding present”

Bill Three Fingers looked concerned.

“How big is this bit of land? I have to admit that I’ve never heard of this before”

Bill replied.

“The total size is some 36,000 acres. We won’t want to use that amount though. More like a hundred acres or so. I’m quite happy for the present arrangement to continue for the rest of the land”

“We’ve been camping there for the past few days. It is very beautiful”

“I don’t know what to say. I will have to check our records. When was this treaty entered into?”

“1889 I think,” replied Kat.

“That is a long time ago. We may not even have the documents anymore. I know approximately where you are talking about”

“Bill, don’t worry. My husband has a copy of the original. Chief Running Horse signed it. There should be a copy lodged with the Indian Agent as well”

Bill laughed.

“The Indian Agents were disbanded years ago thankfully. They were frankly a joke and an insult to the tribes. We manage our own affairs now.”

“I’m sorry. We didn’t know”

Bill smiled.

“Apology accepted. You are strangers in this part of the world so you could not be expected to know about how the tribes manage their affairs today”

Then Kat asked.

“Bill, forgive me for asking, is that a Harvard Class ring on your finger?”

He smiled.

“Yes it is. How did you know that?”

“Liz here is married to a Harvard Graduate”

Liz was about to say that Bill was one as well but decided not to.

“Is he around?”

“Not at the moment I’m afraid. He on his way to Reno with my Husband on business”

Bill thought for a moment before saying,

“Hold on a moment, I think I remember some legend about a white man who lived around here at the time the reservation was created. If my memory serves me right, there are some pictures of him in our archives”

Without waiting for any reply, he left them alone.

“What do you make of him?” asked Kat.

“He does not like us very much. That is for sure”

“But he seems a nice person”

“Yeah but here we are wanting to take their land away from them. It looks like nothing has really changed since the first settlers came on the scene two hundred or so years ago”

Kat smiled and said,

“White man speaks with forked tongue eh?”

They both laughed.

Their frivolity was cut short by the return of Billy Three Fingers. He carried an old photo album.

“I think this has what I was looking for,” said Billy as he set the album down on the table.

He opened it and started going through the pages of old photographs. Most were typical Victorian formal poses of Tribal Elders & Chiefs.

He stopped at one page.

“Here it is,” he said pointing at one photo.

“The one on the left is my Great, Great, Great, Grandfather, Chief Running Deer”

There was some faded writing beneath.

“The Chief with the Englishman. 1887”

Both Kat & Liz knew it was Bill’s ancestor. He had the family nose that was beyond any doubt”

“That is my Husbands ancestor,” proclaimed Kat.

Billy looked at Liz.

“You don’t have any family resemblance”

Liz smiled.

“I’m adopted into the family. Kat’s husband Bill does look like the man in this photograph”

“Well then there might be some truth in your statement. That does not exactly make me happy. We don’t really want to lose any land. Contrary to modern myth, we are increasing in numbers. Most of the tribal families now want to live on the reservation. At the rate our population is increasing, land will be at a premium in the future”

“I’m sure we can resolve the issue amicably Bill. When my Bill comes back from Reno, we can meet with you and any of the tribe you think appropriate,” said Kat.

“That would be good. In the meantime, there is someone I’d like you to meet, especially you Liz”

“What do you mean?”

Bill smiled.

“Just wait a moment. If you’ll follow me to the Schoolroom next door”

Puzzled by what exactly Billy Three Fingers, was going to do, they followed him.

He led them into the adjoining building, which was as he had said, the schoolroom. As it was holiday time, it was empty apart from some repainting going on in the corridor.

Bill led them into one of the classrooms. There was another man there working on a display of tribal artefacts.

“Al, here are the two women I mentioned”

The man stopped what he was doing and came to meet them.

“Pleased to meet you”.

He shook Kat’s hand. Then as he shook Liz’s hand, he looked long and hard at her.

Then he smiled and turned to Bill.

“You are right Chief. She has the power but she is not she”

It took a few seconds for what he has just said to sink in. Liz began to get worried.

“Are you the Chief?” asked Liz to Bill.

He smiled.

“I’m afraid so. Al here is our Medicine Man. He’s a qualified doctor but uses traditional remedies wherever possible.”

Al spoke to Liz.

“You have magical powers but you don’t know why. Am I right?”

“I think so,” said Liz slightly hesitantly.

“You have used those powers to save your friend here?”

Liz took Kat’s hand and nodded.

“How do you know this? Only five people in the world know that”

“It is in you aura. Only a few people can read your aura.” Then he paused.

“You are not who you want people to think you are” he added.

“What do you mean?” asked Liz.

“You were born a male but your aura is female. We will call you ‘She who is not She”

Liz panicked.

“Come ok Kat. We’re leaving”

“Please stay a moment longer. Please let Al explain”

Al turned to Liz and said.

“In our society we also have people like you. Throughout our history, we have valued people like you. They stayed behind to defend the squaws when the braves went off hunting. They also looked after the children and became teachers or even medicine men. I’m sorry for scaring you. It was not our intention.”

Liz was unable to say anything. It had been a long, long time since she had been read so easily.

Al came to her rescue.

“We will not tell anyone else about this conversation if that worries you. As we are the leaders of the tribe, we can guarantee that”

“Thank you for that Liz does value her privacy”

“I can tell that you have had a troubled past” said Al holding up his hand.

“That past is behind you now. I can see from your aura that she is happy at last. It is not our way to make you unhappy.”

Liz forced a smile onto her face.

There was nothing more to be said. Billy showed them out.

His parting words were,

“I’m sorry for that. I shouldn’t have done that to you. I apologise. I hope that this won’t put you off coming to live here if we can make it possible”

Liz couldn’t say much.

“I’ll look after her. Thank you for your courtesy Bill. When my Bill gets back from Reno, we’ll come again if that is all-right?”

The ride back to the RV was difficult for Liz. Several times she wanted to stop and have a good cry. If Kat weren’t sitting on the pillion then she probably would have.

Kat tried talking to Liz but she made it clear that she was only interested in getting back to the relative security of the RV.

When they did get back, Liz literally threw off her crash helmet and ran through the long grass down the hill to the stream that had attracted her on the very first day they had arrived in such a beautiful place.

She sat on a rock by the water’s edge and had a good cry.

“Why does it have to happen to me?” she sobbed.

“Why can’t people leave me alone?”

Kat thought about following her but didn’t. She walked to the top of a knoll where she could see Liz down in the valley just to keep and eye on her. She knew that she could never be able to keep up with Liz walking let alone if she ran off. This was one of the few times since she’d lost her legs that she cursed that bull for taking them from her.

Liz sat in the afternoon sun for several hours sometimes crying gently and other tiles hypnotised by the running water flowing by her feet.

As the sun began to sink behind the hills and a distinct chill in the air was noticeable, Liz finally stirred and began to walk back towards the RV.

Kat breathed a sigh of relief as soon as she saw Liz walking up the hill towards her.

“I was beginning to get worried about you,” said Kat when she met up with Liz outside the RV.

“It is starting to get cold,” she added.

“Yeah. I lost all track of time. It was so peaceful down there. Just the wind and a few birds calling”

“Geese heading south. Summer is nearly over”

“I know. It is a shame really”

Kat smiled and sighed.

“Yes. This is such a lovely spot. It will be a real shame when you leave here”

“What do you mean leave here? I’m not going anywhere,” said a defiant Liz.

Kat was very shocked by Liz’s reaction.

“What?”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ve stopped running from who I am and my past. If the tribe accept people like me then I’m willing to accept it.”

“I thought… Well, after the episode earlier that you’d want to move on somewhere else”

“Obviously, I have to talk things over with Charlie but this time I am determined to stay. It is so beautiful here. I think I’d like to start painting again. There is so much to see and do here that I don’t think I could be bored”

Kat remembered the picture that Liz had painted that hung in her dining room, alongside a Constable sketch and a Van Gough.

“Good for you” said Kat putting her arm around Liz.

“Lets go inside,” said Liz as her body gave a little shiver.

They talked long into the night about all manner of things. Two empty wine bottles gave testament to the length of their discussions. They both had a bit of a hangover the next morning when they eventually crawled out of bed.

Outside, an overnight frost had if anything made the place even more beautiful.

“You are going to have to find somewhere to live over the winter. It is too late to start building anything before winter sets in.”

“Yeah” said Liz sadly as she nursed her Coffee staring at the frosty landscape outside.

“I don’t think this think is suitable for a winter”

Kat laughed.

“Not unless you follow those geese south”

“Not going to happen” said Liz with a defiant tone.

“What about going back to New York for Fashion week?” suggested Kat.

“I’m done with all that. I ain’t going back there unless it is to change planes en-route to visiting you”

Kat saw a steely determination that she hadn’t seen in Liz since before she was so badly attacked in London. She wondered if some of the Medicine Man’s magic had rubbed of on her.

Any further deliberations were cut short by the sounds of a vehicle approaching.

Kat looked out hoping that is was the men back from Reno.

“Who’s this? It’s not the hire car?”

Liz looked out as well.

“I don’t know but we are not in a fit shape to receive visitors are we?”

Kat laughed as both of them were in their nightclothes.

Liz leaped up and said.

“I’d better get dressed then. We know how long it takes madam here to get her sea legs on”

They both laughed as Liz hurriedly put on a sweater and skirt.

She had just managed to put a brush through her hair once when the vehicle stopped outside.

She went outside to greet their visitor.

As soon as she opened the door and got a blast of the cold air, she almost slammed it closed again but she saw Al getting out of the fairly ancient pickup with a definite hole in its exhaust.

He smiled.

“I want to apologise for yesterday”

Liz smiled back.

“Good morning Al. I’d invite you inside but Kat is getting dressed”

“It’s ok. Why don’t you get in the Truck? It’s a bit warmer in there”

Liz didn’t need another hint. She got inside.

“I still want to apologise. Billy & I were well out of order. We talked after you left us yesterday and, well we felt we put you in a truly horrible position. It was probably the surprise you sprang upon us. That treaty has really got the elders talking. But you were our guest and we didn’t treat you as we should. Then again, it is not often that we meet someone with the powers you have”

Liz thought for a moment.

“About these so called powers. I don’t have a clue what the hell you are talking about”

Al laughed.

“Some people would call you a Horse Whisperer. You have this way with animals. Does this ring any bells?”

Liz gave him a little smile.

“I can see it does. You just do it naturally but you want to hide it because you think people will just laugh at you. Just like who you really are, She’n’She”

“What did you just call me?”

“She’n’She. Your Indian name”

“Eh?”

“As I said, the Elders have been talking. We talked long into the night. If the treaty is legal and you want to stay, we’d like very much if you were to become and honorary member of our nation. Perhaps that might make up for the hurt we gave you”

“I can’t…”

Al ignored her.

“It was discussed last night at a tribal council meeting and it was decided by unanimous vote. We also decided that you should have an appropriate name”

“What? How many more people know about me now? I suppose it will be on the Six o’clock news tonight”

Al looked sad.

“Liz. Please hear me out”

He looked into her eyes.

“As I said yesterday, we have a special place in our society for people like you. It is a place of honour. To us, you are a special person. A very special person”

Then he paused.

“I’m saying this all wrong.”

Liz was staring straight out of the window not wanting to look at Bill.

“We want you to stay. But we would understand if you want to leave. If you did, we would be prepared to buy this land from you. We found our copy of the treaty and we have the right of first refusal if the land was ever put up for sale. Personally, I hope you stay. We won’t laugh at you. That I promise. Furthermore, with your powers, you would be in demand”

“Eh? Why would I be in demand?”

“Because of your powers with animals. In case you haven’t noticed, this is the country. We have many horses, some cattle and even some sheep and a few goats. The nearest vet is over an hour away. People would come to you for help. I might be the Medicine Man but I strictly treat only people.”

Liz didn’t say anything.

“But this name you gave me. It tells everyone about me?”

Al smiled.

“Why would it? Certainly not if you shorten it to She’n’She? Besides how many white-men would understand our language?”

Liz couldn’t argue with that.

Al decided to change the subject.

“We’ve had the first frost of the new season today. There may well be snow on the tops of the hills before the week is out. You can’t stay here in that RV all winter. What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I’ll need to talk that over with Charles when he gets back from Reno later today. He went with my brother to sort a few things out”

Before he could say anything else, there was a tap on the window. It was Kat.

“I’ve got some hot Coffee and some butties if you’d like to come into the RV?”

Neither could refuse such an offer.

When they entered the RV, the smell of bacon under the Grill was mouth watering.

Al ate his first ‘buttie’.

“This is good. Why isn’t the bacon crispy?”

Liz laughed.

“We don’t cook all the taste out of it in England. Besides, this isn’t belly slices or as we call it streaky. This is back bacon. A very different cut to what you have over here”

“Well, it sure tastes great. Where did you get it? I’ve never tasted bacon like this before”

“We found this organic farmer in New Mexico about a month ago. We bought a whole load from after he agreed to butcher a pig and cure the bacon our way. Thankfully this thing has a big freezer”

“Perhaps you should raise some pigs here. You know, when you get setup and have somewhere to live.”

“That’s a long way off. We have an idea about the sort of place we want to build but if we can ever get planning permission for it, is another matter”

“Why ever not? Surely you aren’t asking to build a huge mansion?”

Kat chuckled.

“One mansion in the family is enough thank you very much”

Liz glared at Kat.

“No. It’s very down to earth. Probably far too radical for the planners. It’s based on the turf houses from Iceland. Built into the hillside and covered with grass. Keeps it warm in winter and cool in summer”

Al ate some more of his ‘buttie’ and drank some Coffee.

“This is excellent Coffee. Has a bit of a kick in it. Not like the watered down stuff you get served in restaurants these days”

“It comes from our farm in Kenya” Said Kat proudly.

Bill smiled back.

“You husband is a bit of an industrialist isn’t he?”

Kat laughed.

“He has people to run the businesses. He is more concerned with The Lord’s these days”

“Yeah. His Bio on the Internet says much the same. He is into a lot of things. Quite a character. I look forward to meeting him.”

Then he changed the topic slightly.

“How long are you staying here for?” he asked Kat.

She looked disappointed.

“Only a few more days I’m afraid. The house returns next week and Bill needs to be there for a debate”

“I mean it. I really would like to meet him sometime. He sounds the sort of person who is not afraid to roll his sleeves up and get stuck in”

Both Kat & Liz laughed.

They had visions of Bill up to his knees clearing out the piggery when the pig man became ill just before one of their prized Berkshire pigs produced a litter.

“Sometimes, he is far too willing for his own good” replied Kat.

Once Al had left, Kat asked.

“What did he really want?”

“To apologise to me for yesterday. After a bit, I accepted”

“He seems a nice person?”

Liz nodded.

“He is”

“What else did you talk about?”

“Oh, this & that.”

Kat knew when to change the subject.

“What are you two going to do for the winter?”

“I really don’t know. This morning was a bit of a wakeup call. He’s right, we can’t stay here in this thing all winter” replied Liz with quite a bit of resignation in her voice.

“Perhaps we will rent somewhere locally” she added and then paused.

“I’ll have to talk things over with Charlie”

It was Liz’s turn to change the subject.

“It is a shame that you have to leave so soon. Do you have to go as well?”

“Fraid so Liz. I have the Flower Show to open and do the best Jam judging,” replied Kat grinning.

“I thought you entered your jam in the show?”

Kat chuckled.

“I was politely asked not to enter any more. I kept winning best Raspberry every year. Besides, being a judge is much more fun”

“Some of that jam would be nice to have on the shelf”

“I’ll send some over”

“The customs will probably confiscate it. You know how hot the Custom people are on food. I’ve even had some tea confiscated.”

Kat smiled and tapped her finger on the side of her nose.

“Don’t do anything illegal Kat”

“Oh, I won’t. It will come in all nice and legal. Bill knows the Ambassador in Washington. But you are going to have to get a PO Box though. How else can Jake send you the Pulitzer that you are going to get”?

That was a standing joke between them.

The weather had warmed up considerably by the time the two men arrived back from Reno in mid afternoon.

“Was it cold last night?” asked Bill after they’d unloaded the car.

“A bit. The frost on the ground this morning was beautiful but it was really parky out there”

“That’s what we were thinking on the drive back from Reno,” said Charlie.

Liz grinned.

“So what cunning plans have you two concocted on your boys night out?”

The two men smiled at each other.

“Near the Motel we stayed at last night, we saw a small wood business up for sale. They made house frames. Now that the housing market has crashed, they were in trouble. The place gave me an idea about building the frames for our home”

Any trace of a smile quickly left Liz’s face.

She sat down and almost cried.

“I’m not going to like this am I?”

“Nothing in the slightest.”

“What would buying a business in Reno which is god knows how many miles away going to help us to live here?”

“Calm down little Sister” said Bill.

Liz hated being called that but she stopped saying what she was about to say.

“If, and that is a big IF, we build a house here, a lot of it is going to be built out of wood. We could base ourselves in Reno for the winter and basically design & build much of our home read for moving out here in the spring”

Liz grinned at Charlie.

“Aren’t you forgetting one little thing? Planning permission, permits or whatever they call it in this part of the world. How the hell is a Turf house going to get approved especially with us over in Reno?”

The two men looked at each other.

“We wondered if the land could be bought back by the Indians on the reservation and we could lease it back. Then technically, it would be part of the reservation and not subject to the same controls as it is now”

Liz & Kat looked at each other grinning from ear to ear.

Then they burst out laughing.

“Hey, what’s so funny?” asked Charlie.

When Liz could stop herself enough from splitting her sides with laughter said,

“You boys are so slow off the mark aren’t you?”

[Continued in Part 13]

Funny Business — Chapter 14, Autumn Events

By

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

Liz and Kat explained by relating the story of their trip onto the reservation the previous day and Al’s visit to the RV that morning.

“It looks like we have a solution then?” said Bill.

“We have a solution,” said Liz.

“But you and Kat are buggering off home very soon,” said Liz without thinking.

“Ok. Ok. Sorry – wrong words, but you know what I mean.”

Then Kat said: “Speaking of buggering off, I think it might be prudent to find somewhere else to stay tonight. It looks like it is going to be another cold one.”

“Where do you suggest?”

“Let’s go back to Elko? There is an RV park there we can hook up this thing. We are almost out of water.”

“Why don’t we go straight back to Reno and find somewhere as a base for the winter?” argued Charlie.

After some discussion, it was decided that they would leave the following morning and make a call at the reservation so that Billy could meet Bill and Charlie.

That night, it was cold and dry once more. However everyone went outside to look at the clear sky and the millions of stars that were visible. With the nearest street light many miles away, the amount of atmospheric light pollution was minimal.

Charlie asked Liz, “Are you going to miss this?”

“You bet. This is so beautiful. So peaceful.”

As if a props man had been cued, a coyote howled in the distance.

“What about you? This is very different from Long Island?”

“Partially. Out of season, it is very quiet and out on the tip near Montauk it is peaceful and the sky is very much like this.”

“I’ll be glad to come back and start living here properly in the spring.”

“Me too.”

Then they kissed passionately under the starlit sky.

*

The next morning, they packed up the RV and the three vehicles made their way back to the road and headed towards the Reservation.

As before, Liz asked to see Billy but they were told that he was at another part of the reservation. So she tried looking for Al.

Al was in his surgery having just finished the morning rush of patients.

“Hello Liz. For what do we have the honour of your presence today?”

Liz smiled back when she recognised a compliment.

“We’re pulling out for the winter. Well, Charlie and I are going to spend it in Reno but we will be back from time to time. Anyway, I wanted you to meet Charlie and Bill. They are outside with Kat if you have a few minutes to spare.”

“Sure. I’m off to visit a few patients who live out on the Reservation so I have to go out anyways.”

When they went outside, Bill and Charlie were standing by the RV. Kat was about 50 yds away watching some children playing.

Liz guessed that she was missing her sons. They probably weren’t missing her as much as they were at their Grandmother’s and being spoiled something rotten.

“Bill, Charlie. This is Al, the reservation’s Doctor and tribal Medicine Man.”

The men shook hands.

Al stared at Bill for several seconds.

Then he realised what he was doing and said:

“Welcome to the reservation. Especially to you Charlie as I’ve heard a lot about you from Liz. If you do decide to set up shop at your place, I can guarantee quite a bit of business from the folks here on the reservation. It would save them having to travel many miles to places such as Elko to see a lawyer.”

“I wasn’t planning on doing that but I’ll bear that in mind.”

“Oh, I thought …” exclaimed Al.

“Yeah. So did I until yesterday. I have one or two ideas but nothing firm yet.”

“Ok,” said Al before turning to Bill.

“I gather it is your gift of the land that had brought these two special people here?”

Bill went a bit red in the face. “It was nothing really. I’m glad I was able to do it.”

“When are you and Kat going back to England?”

“Tomorrow night. We fly out of Vegas direct to London.”

“Well, come back soon. Liz is a really special person. Well, I’m sure you know that already.”

They said their goodbyes and Al got in his pick-up and left them alone.

Kat wandered back to the RV. It was obvious that she’d been crying a bit.

“Do you miss the boys?” asked Charlie.

“Yes. This is the longest I been away from them.”

“Don’t you send them away to Boarding School?” he asked.

“We do but it isn’t the same. There are only an hour or so away from us. Here, we are a quarter of the way around the world. If something happens, I can’t be there for them.”

“Well, lets be on our way and get to Reno for the night. Then we can have a goodbye meal together somewhere nice this evening. Then you can fly down to Vegas tomorrow in plenty of time for your flight,” suggested Charlie.

Kat smiled and nodded her head in agreement.

“And as soon as we get a Mobile Signal, I’m calling the boys to wish them goodnight.”

*

The trip west to Reno was long and boring. When the small convoy arrived at the junction with I80, Liz stopped her bike and loaded it onto the trailer that was hitched to the RV. Now the journey was going to be much more comfortable for her. Besides, she didn’t fancy dicing with the large number of trucks that thundered along the highway often at a speed well in excess of the legal limit.

They arrived in Reno mid afternoon and booked into a decent hotel that had the inevitable Casino attached or perhaps it was the other way round.

It also had a special lot for RV’s so they were able to hook it up without any problems – not that it was going to be used for sleeping in; the ‘team’ had decided unanimously to stay in a couple of suites in the hotel rather than the more cramped accommodation of the RV. This also meant that long soaks in the bath would be high on the agenda for Liz and Kat.

Liz did just that and spent a deliciously long time in the bath just lying there and enjoying the warmth.

“That was good. We must have a big bath in our house. One that I can float in,” she remarked when Charlie took her place in the tub.

“And where is all the energy to heat all that water coming from?” joked Charlie.

“From the Sun or our Aga?”

“What’s an Aga?”

Liz laughed.

“Oh dear. I can see that you need domesticating a bit my darling.”

“But what is an Aga? Does it have anything to do with the ‘Aga Khan’?”

Liz laughed.

“Nope but it will solve a lot of our heating and cooking problems especially if we get the wood burning model.”

Charlie looked none the wiser.

“It is a really fancy stove with multiple ovens and hotplates plus the ability to heat all the water I’ll need for my baths. There are various models and fuel options.”

“Never heard of them”

“That’s not surprising. They come from England. We’d have to have one shipped over but they weight a ton.”

“A ton?”

Liz laughed.

“It’s a figure of speech. It means that they weight a lot but the big ones probably come fairly close to one ton in weight.”

“You have this all worked out don’t you? The house and everything?”

Liz smiled.

“I have an idea in my mind of what I’d like but it is a little difficult to put it in words. What about you?”

“Up to now, a house has been somewhere to sleep between coming from and going to work and not really a place to live and work in.”

“Don’t worry darling, we will sort it all out between us.”

“So why don’t you draw it, put your vision down on paper. You know the saying, ‘Every picture is worth a thousand words’.”

“Perhaps I will when we get settled in for the duration.”

That evening, everyone got dressed up and after a good meal, they headed for the Casino. Liz once again proved to be the star of the show. She won several thousand dollars at craps. And as before in Las Vegas, she proved deadly on the Blackjack table. With more than $16000 in chips in her handbag, the party went off to see a show.

Bill and Kat left around lunchtime the following day. Both Liz and Charlie were sorry to see them go.

From the airport, the pair went off on a tour of realtor’s offices in search of somewhere to rent for the winter.

That evening, they spent a lot of time going over all the flyers and looking for the ‘right’ place. By midnight, they had come to the conclusion that there was nothing really suitable in Reno itself, so they resolved to check out the properties in Carson City the next day.

Their searching once again proved almost fruitless until, in the middle of the afternoon, Charlie spotted the right place.

“What do we want with a big barn?” asked Liz when she had finished reading the details.

“Somewhere to park the RV out of sight and somewhere for me to work?”

“Work? What do you mean?”

Charlie smiled.

“I’ve been doing some thinking.”

“Oh dear. I can see that I’m not going to like this.”

“Will you please let me finish”?

Liz grinned. “Yes boss.”

Charlie glared back and then smiled.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, somewhere for me to work. I only went into Law because it was expected of me. Four generations of lawyers in the family so it was expected that I would follow suit. I tried but there was no way to get out of it.”

Liz held his hand.

“That explains a lot about the past. What did you really want to do with your life?”

“I wanted to make furniture.”

Liz gasped.

“Wow. I never expected that. How come?”

“Dad took me to the Museum of Modern Art when I was a kid. Some of the furniture that was on show blew my mind. The feel of wood and the look of the grain is really seductive. A year or so later there was an exhibition of furniture that was designed by one of the members of your Royal Family. David Linley was his name. It really opened my eyes for what could be done with wood.”

“Have you ever made any furniture?”

“Not really,” said Charlie.

“What have you made?”

“Hey, you sound like my Father.”

Liz grinned.

“Well have you?”

“Yes. There used to be cabinetmakers in the village in Maine where we spent the summer. I used to go there and learn bits and pieces. Then I made this large document box out of burr Walnut off-cuts. It is in the container of the things from the beach house back in New York. If I could only show it to you. Then you would know what I’m on about.”

“Hey, I believe you.”

Charlie smiled.

“So you want to set up a workshop in the barn.”

“Yes. After all, we are going to need some furniture for our dream home.”

“Couldn’t we just buy it?” said Liz with a big grin on her face.

Charlie laughed.

“Well, enough to furnish the place until I make the proper stuff anyway.”

Liz kissed him.

“Ok. Let’s take this place.”

There was really nothing more to be said on the matter so they went to bed.

*

Once all the details were sorted out, they moved into their temporary home two days later. Charlie soon made arrangements to get the containers that held Charlie’s belongings to be shipped from New York.

They also bought a slightly used Range Rover for their own use. The RV was not really suitable for short journeys and with winter coming on, a 4WD vehicle seemed to make sense.

At the end of the first week, in their new, albeit temporary, home, they started work in earnest on their dream home.

Liz persuaded Charlie that if they were going to get all the right permits for the house, they should engage an architect to design it. Finding an architect who even knew what a ‘Turf House’ was let alone one that was prepared to even consider constructing one turned out to be easier said than done.

They had almost gone through all the architects listed in Yellow Pages when out of frustration at being turned down yet again, Charlie almost shouted to the people in one office: “Is there anyone here who knows what a ‘Turf House’ is?”

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at him. Most obviously thought he was mad.

After a few seconds, a young man at the rear of the office put up his hand and said quietly: “I do.”

To a man and woman, everyone turned to stare at the owner of the voice.

“They come from Iceland. They are also similar in concept to the ‘Black Houses’ found on the Hebridean Islands off the West Coast Scotland and the North West of Ireland.”

The head of the practice waved the young man forward.

“I might have guessed that it was you Anders.”

“Mr Simpson, I’m sorry but the man here asked a question.”

“How the hell do you know about these silly things?” asked Mr Simpson.

“I went to Iceland on holiday as a child. We visited an old Icelandic village.”

“So what are they then?”

Anders smiled. “They are built into the hillside and have their roofs covered with soil and turf. It keeps them cool in summer and warm in winter.”

“This here fella wants to build one for him and his wife. Is it feasible?”

“It certainly is Mr Simpson. Given the right terrain.”

“What do you mean terrain?”

“As I said, they are built into the side of a hill. It should be south or southwest facing as the only windows are in the front of the building. Of course with modern things like Light Tubes, you could…”

“That’s enough,” said Mr Simpson.

He turned to Charlie.

“Well Sir, it looks like you have an architect.”

Charlie smiled.

“I’m not so sure. We need to agree a fee. Anders here is obviously a junior member of your staff. I hardly think that it would be fair to charge a full partner’s rate for the job.”

Mr Simpson went red in the face.

“Come into my office and let us talk things over.”

Charlie did just that and emerged half an hour later with a slightly satisfied look on his face.

Mr Simpson called Anders over to him and said: “Anders, you are working for Mr Everett here on his project. It sounds really hair-brained if you ask me but we have agreed a price for the job. He’ll brief you on the details. Ok?”

Anders smiled.

“Yes sir Mr Simpson.”

*

Anders came to the rented house the following day and started working on the project. The obvious enthusiasm shown by Liz to the project soon infected him with the bug.

It turned out Anders was originally from Denmark and his visit occurred before his family emigrated to Nevada. This was also virtually his first job as a newly qualified architect. Still, this didn’t faze either Liz or Charlie and soon the ground rules for the project were sorted out. All that remained was to visit the site and do a survey and lay out the actual foundations on the ground to allow the final plans to be drawn up.

Their work was progressing so well that it was something of a surprise when Jake called Liz one afternoon.

“Hi Jake, what’s up?”

…

“Yeah it has been a long time.”

…

“Oh shit. I’d forgotten all about that. Doesn’t time fly when you are enjoying yourself. We’ve rented a house in Carson City.”

…

“A little south of Reno.”

…

“What are we doing here? At the moment, I’m working with an architect on the plans for our dream home.”

…

“Charlie? He’s off buying some machinery.”

…

“Don’t ask what sort. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

…

“Yeah. I’ll get him to call when he gets back. As usual, he went out without his phone. You must come out for a visit. We’d love to see you and Gloria.”

….

“I know you are busy. Once the issue is out, you should take a break.”

….

“Yes Jake. I won’t forget to tell Charlie and to phone you more often.”

….

“Bye.”

It was with very mixed feelings that Liz closed the call. She’d put the magazine well and truly into the drawer marked ‘Past, do not disturb’.

Nevertheless, there was the imminent arrival of New York Fashion week and the culmination of the work that she and Jake had done in the previous year.

To say that she was nervous was an understatement.

With a new resolve, Liz went back into the bedroom that they were using as an office for the project.

“Anders, why don’t you take the rest of the day off? We are going to the site tomorrow and it will be a long day. We’ll probably have to stay over so we’ll be taking the RV that is in the barn.”

“Ok. I’ll be glad to get home. My fiancée is cooking dinner for the family tonight. It is my father’s birthday.”

“Anders, you should have said something before now. I would have given you the day off.”

“But, my boss…”

“Anders, Charlie and I are your boss on this project. You work for me. Hang what Mr Simpson says. Understand?”

He smiled.

“Ok. I get it.”

“Good. Now be on your way.”

“See you tomorrow. Goodbye.”

With Anders out of the way, Liz got herself prepared for the trip east the following day. She also made sure there was food in the RV’s fridge and water in the tank.

She had nearly finished when Charlie returned in a buoyant mood.

“Hi Darling. How was the shopping trip”?

Charlie knew he was in trouble.

“What have I done wrong my darling?”

Liz laughed.

“It is time you went back to New York. Have you forgotten a little event that is happening the day after tomorrow?”

“Oh shit. Is it that time already?”

“It is. Jake called. Your presence in New York is requested, no demanded.”

“Ok. I get the message. I’ll go and book a flight.”

Liz grinned.

“Already done. You are on the 6:00am to Denver in the morning.”

Charlie looked sad. “That early?”

“’Fraid so. You get into JFK just before 6pm.”

Charlie gave a resigned sigh.

“I suppose a little going away present is out of the question?”

“Now Charlie Everett? Why would you want such a thing? What about all those lovelies you will meet in the Big Apple,” replied Liz all coyly.

Charlie grabbed hold of Liz and took her to bed.

*

Charlie, with more than a little help from Liz, just managed to get the flight to Denver the following morning.

She took him to the airport still in her nightdress with just a coat to cover her modesty. She must have looked a sight as she kissed him goodbye outside the terminal.

When he arrived in New York, Charlie had almost forgotten how hectic the terminals at JFK could be. Nevertheless, a few minutes later he was sitting in the back of a Yellow Cab heading for his downtown hotel. This in itself felt strange to a native New Yorker who would normally be staying at his own home.

No sooner had he checked in than his phone went. It was Liz.

“Hello Darling.”

…
“Yes. Just got into the hotel.”

…
“Aren’t flights pretty awful these days.”

…
“Yes even in Business Class.”

…
“Where are you?”

…
“Elko? Why?”

…
“Oh dear. That bad eh?”

…
“I wish I was there with you.”

…
“Maybe. But at least I could have quoted a few precedents.”

….
“Yes. I’m due to meet Jake for dinner in an hour.”

….
“I will. Take care. I love you.”

Slightly sadly, Charlie closed his phone. This was the first time he had been alone and away from Liz since their marriage.

*

That evening’s ‘pre-launch’ dinner with Jake went according to plan.
They discussed the planned sequence of events for the Fashion Show and the release of the special issue the day after. The magazine was being printed at a works in Baltimore and would be trucked up to Jersey City the following morning. Then they would be transferred either to the incinerator or to newstands, hotels and gathering places all over New York depending upon what clothes were being paraded at the show the next day.

Everyone was nervous.

Charlie sat back after the dinner and thought of Nevada.

He smiled to himself when the thought of what Liz was probably doing at that very instant. Whatever it was, it was nothing to do with the Fashion Industry.
“How’s married life?”, asked Jake seeing Charlie with a smile on his face.
“Great. No, actually better than the first time around. It just feels so different.”

Jake smiled. “Liz is a wonderful person. Don’t mess her up.”
“Jake, you must believe that messing her up is the last thing on my mind. I really love her. More than I’ve ever loved anyone before. He past is irrelevant to me. We just seem to connect with each other.”
Jake smiled. “I’m pleased for both of you. I really am.”.

He paused.
“And if everything goes well tomorrow then that should cap it nicely.”
“Frankly Jake, and I know that this may come as a shock, but Liz couldn’t give a fuck about tomorrow. She has really changed these past few months. There are two things that are important to her. Me and her family back in England, in that order.”
Jake was surprised at Charlie’s choice of language but he got the point.
“She has a soft spot for you, you know. Without you, I would have never met her. That sorta puts me in your debt as well.”

They toasted ‘absent friends’.

Charlie went into the Magazine the following day to watch the Fashion Shows on TV. His excitement level was considerably elevated by the time ‘the show’ started soon after 4pm.

When he leapt from his chair and punched the air everyone in the office wondered what had got into the normally reserved corporate lawyer.
The show was still in full swing when he tried to call Liz.

He got her voicemail so he left her a one word message, ‘Success’.

Charlie sat down and watched Liz’s creations being paraded along the catwalk. When ‘Liz’s’ wedding dress was paraded complete with arm bindings, tears were welling up in his eyes.
After he had composed himself, he went upstairs in search of Jake.

Jake was in his office opening a bottle of Champagne.
“Ah Charlie, will you join me?” he said grinning like a Cheshire cat.
“I will Jake. I think I will. We deserve it.”

“No Charlie, this is all down to you and Liz. You two are the heroes here. Did you get hold of Liz?”
“No. She’s off in the wilds of Nevada with our architect surveying the land for our new house.”
“Did you leave her a message?”
“Yes. She’ll be pleased no doubt.”
They raised their glasses. Jake gave a toast.

“To all your hard work” said Jake.

“To the belief in the story” said Charlie.

They chinked their glasses.
“When does the magazine hits the newsstands?” asked Charlie.

“In about an hour. I got word a few minutes ago that the delivery vans are rolling.”

He drank some more champagne.

“We are also giving out free copies to the people attending the shows in the morning. We’ve air freighted a load to London, Paris and Milan. They will be on sale in less than six hours. It should be quite a hit.”
“I can imagine.”
“What happens next? You know with that thief?”
“Our Editor is delivering a copy to him as we speak. She wanted to see his reaction. Naturally, a camera crew will be filming it all. It should make the 11pm news programmes tonight.”
Charlie finished his wine and filled it again from the magnum that sat in the ice bucket by Jake’s desk.
“What do you think he will do?”
“I don’t know. As far as I know, he has no idea of what is about to hit him. He’ll probably go to ground but hey, at the moment, and to quote Rhett Butler, ‘I don’t really give a damn’.”

They both laughed.

*

To say that the ‘shit hit the fan’ was probably a gross understatement. The story did indeed make the 11pm news even displacing a visit by the President to Iraq from the top slot. However, the full impact was not really felt until the following morning.

By this time, people on both sides of the Atlantic had been able to read the full story and come to their own conclusions.

The exposé totally dominated the morning news on TV and was front-page news all over the country. With all the extra journalists in town for the Fashion Week, it was as if a bombshell had been dropped on the fashion world.

Many others designers complained that the press were ignoring their collections but none would come out openly and comment on the story. Many closed ranks refusing to believe a word of it. But the weight of evidence in the article soon totally swayed public opinion. In the end, no one cared what another designer thought. It was staring everyone in the face.

Shares in the designer’s company dropped by 96% on NASDAQ before they were suspended after both S & P and Moodies graded them as ‘Junk’.

Jake was in constant demand for interviews. The questions that he was being asked constantly, was who was the real author of the article and who’s work was copied this time.

Charlie stood on the sidelines watching the legal side of things like Press Releases and the reaction of the other side.

The ‘other side’ remained totally silent. There were TV crews camped outside the designer’s home on Central Park West 24 hours a day. No one had seen anything of him since the news broke. Speculation grew in the media that he’d fled the country when he realised the game was up.

The designer’s studio remained locked shut and his employees were locked out and moneyless. It soon emerged in the press that they’d not been paid for several weeks and that they all reckoned that the future of the business was totally reliant upon the outcome of the show.

A show that was almost entirely made up of Liz’s stolen designs.

Jake defiantly held off the press for almost a week.

Then an intrepid reporter from a London paper found some bad pictures of Liz’s original work. Within hours, Jake was being bombarded with even more interview requests.
Reluctantly, he agreed and set up a press conference for the following morning.

*

Jake stood up before the assembled press and TV Crews and read a prepared statement.

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press. I want to thank you all for coming here today. I want to read a statement after which I will take only two questions.”

More cameras clicked away.

“The rumours about the identity of the designer whose work was seen on the catwalk are perfectly correct. Liz Fuller was that designer. She was also a reporter for this magazine. I use the past tense because when she completed the article, she quit her job.”
There were murmurs from the press. The cries for ‘quotes’ on everything under the sun got louder.

Jake held up his hand until it was quiet once more.

The pro snappers’ DSLR’s kept on firing away.

“I have absolutely no idea where she is now. I know for certain that she is not back in England as I spoke with her brother yesterday and he confirmed that apart from their weekly phone call, he has not heard from her for several weeks. According to him, the last letter he got from her was from Namibia where she was on a Safari in the Kalahari Desert.”

More murmurings from the assembled masses.

“This whole thing began when I received a tip off that one of our most respectable designers was stealing designs.

There is no other word for it.

He was stealing work from other designers and passing them off as his own creation.

One of his employees would tour the fashion schools of Europe looking for people who for one reason or another were unable to graduate and get jobs in the industry.

One of those was Liz Fuller.

She attended college in London and, due to circumstances beyond her control, she was unable to complete her course.

Not long after, she came to New York and began working for me.

I’m sure many of you will have read her pieces over the past three and a half years. I’m sure many of you will have shared a plane, a cab and even a drink with her in that time.”

He took a sip of water.

“The copy of the release you have in front of you identifies the other designers who have agreed to have their names made public. They will be joining together in a multi-million dollar lawsuit against the designer, his company and certain as yet unnamed individuals who worked for him.

I also have it on good authority from none other than the City DA that the FBI are also investigating the case as it clearly involves international law enforcement agencies.

It is also highly likely that the IRS will also be involved as it appears that some serious embezzlement of company funds has also occurred. This will however bring scant reward to the now former employees of the company. Most of them knew nothing about this scam and were just as ignorant of it as you were until this story broke.”
He paused slightly.

“Liz Fuller has made it clear in the letter of which you all have a copy, that she does not want any intrusion into her life. I would like to think that you as journalists would respect the wishes of one of your own. She does not want any financial settlement that may come from this episode. Furthermore, she has obtained a court order seizing the copies of her garments that were shown a little over a week ago. Bailiffs are as I speak entering his offices to seize the items in question. She will get them auctioned off with all proceeds donated to a women’s aid charity in a month or two. I hope that you will all dig deeply into your pockets when the time comes. That is all I have to say. Now I will take two questions. The first will be from a British paper as Liz is from that great nation.”

There was a great clamour amongst the reporters before Jake pointed to the representative of the London Times.

“Jake, are you pleased with the outcome of what is possibly the scoop of the century so far?”

“Yes I am. Relieved as well. Frankly, until the first dress came down the catwalk, we had nothing. Yes, if we had nothing, I’d probably be looking for a new job but thanks to the diligence and our good fortune that our journalist was is also a very talented designer. Initially, Liz was very reluctant to use her work as bait but thanks to a little bit of updating done in London, she was persuaded to let her designs be used. I think that when she eventually reads the press reports that many of you wrote I hope that she will be very pleased at what you write about her.”

Then Jake selected a reporter from the Herald Tribune.

“Jake, there is a rumour circulating that Liz has gone off with one of your lawyers who helped in this investigation. Would you care to comment?”

“Thank you Steve. I am aware of this rumour, which was apparently started by the person who was going to take over Liz’s column. This person’s employment has been terminated with immediate effect.”

He paused for effect.

“As to the substance of this rumour, it has absolutely no foundation whatsoever. The lawyer in question, Charles Everett is standing right behind me here today. He has asked me to say that yes, he did have a ‘romantic episode’ with Liz during the course of their work but they decided not to pursue it any further.

Thank you ladies and gentlemen.

That is all we have to say on the matter.”

Jake and Charlie virtually fled the scene with the press in hot pursuit.

They dived into Jake’s limo and sped off.

Charlie sat back and breathed a sigh of relief.

“I liked that little lie about Liz’s location. I wonder if anyone will be heading for Southern Africa to look for her?”

They both laughed.

“What about the bit about persuading Liz to use her work? How did that sound?” asked Jake.

“Just about right. Many of those hacks in the conference had been reminded of how modest she is. They won’t think it out of character for her to be like that.”

“Let’s hope so,” commented Jake.

The limo took Charlie to JFK where he just managed to catch a flight to Chicago.
During the layover at O’Hare, his phone rang.

It was his Mother.

Reluctantly, he answered the call.

“Hi Mom. How are you?”

….
“Where am I? I’m in Chicago at the airport, escaping from the press.”

….
“Yes. That was me on TV. I’m fine. It was a really good story.”

….
“Yeah, I know it was a bit of a sting but the guy deserved it.”

….

“No don’t throw them away. Keep them. They might be worth something in the future. Like those Versace outfits you have.”

….
“No, she’s not with me. As Jake said at the press conference, we are no longer a couple.”

He hoped his lie wouldn’t end up biting him in the backside.

“I’m going to the West Coast for a while. And before you ask, I don’t know what I’m going to do. All I know is that I’m done with New York and especially being a lawyer in New York. I might find a nice quiet town to settle down in, you never know.”

….
“No, I don’t know where she is. I haven’t seen her for some time actually. When I was at dinner with Jake last night, he said that she was in South Africa.”
….

“How’s Pop?” he asked changing the subject.

….
“Good. Is his handicap getting any better?”

….
He laughed when he heard his mother’s answer. “That’s great to hear. Look Mom, they are calling my flight. I have to go. I’ll let you know where I put down roots. I promise.”

….
“Bye Mom. Give my love to Pop.”

As he closed his phone, Charlie felt a weight being lifted lift from his shoulders.

His mother would now think that Liz was not in the picture any more. His father knew the truth but he wasn’t going to let on any time soon.

[Continued in Part 15]

Funny Business - Chapter 15, There is Trouble Ahead

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

A very happy and relieved Liz was waiting for Charlie when he arrived at Reno late that night.

After a nice hug and a welcome home kiss, she asked,

“I saw you on TV. You scrub up pretty well. Perhaps you should do it more often? Say in a Courtroom?”

He laughed.

“The first & last time I’m afraid but thanks for the offer”

They kissed once more before heading out to the parking lot and the Range Rover.

On the journey south to Carson City, Liz quizzed him for all the gory details, the ones that weren’t shown on TV. Charlie duly obliged.

Just as they drove up to their rented home, Charlie asked Liz,

“What was with this ‘I’m not interested’ before I went east?”

“I wasn’t then but Jake kept texting me with all the details. In the end, my resistance crumbled and I switched on the TV in the RV. We pulled off the Highway and watched it together”

“What did he say when he realised that the mystery Journalist was sitting right beside him?”

“Not a lot. He is a man of few words is Anders.”

Liz giggled.

“What’s so funny?”

“Surely you have realised by now that Anders is a fashion luddite”

Charlie smiled.

“I see what you mean”

Then he changed the subject.

“Will you be resisting my interests tonight?”

“Now that sounds like a proposal I can’t refuse”

*

The following morning, Liz gave Charlie an update on the trip she’d taken with Anders.

“How are the drawings coming along?”

“Great. Just great”

“We have found a site with the perfect topology for the house. It is about a mile from where we parked the RV on our last visit. We surveyed the site. He taught me how to use one of those Theodolite thingies”

“Now we are back, Anders is going ahead with the design of the first module. We did decide to reduce its width to 6m. It will make the construction & transportation to the site a lot simpler”

“How many modules are there going to be? We did decide before I went east that survey needed be done first”

“We did. It is going to be seven to begin with”

“Wow. I hadn’t thought it would be that big”

“Don’t you want a nice place to live in or not?”

“Yes but…”

“No buts. Do you want somewhere nice to live in and call a home and have somewhere to show off all that nice furniture you are going to make?”

Charlie smiled.

“If you put it like that, then yes”

“Good. Then we’ll have no more arguments then?”

Charlie didn’t answer.

*

Two days later, Anders announced that he had completed the outline drawings and that he was ready to submit them to the County Planning Department in Elko for approval.

“I’ve filled in all the forms you will need”

“Aren’t you coming with us?”

“I’d rather not. It’s my Daughter’s first birthday tomorrow”

Liz smiled.

“That’s all right then. Charlie & I will go to Elko tomorrow. Just tell us what we need to do”

*

Charlie & Liz went to Elko the following day in the Range Rover. On the way, Charlie said,

“I got an email from Dad before we left”

“I didn’t know he was in the 21^st Century”, joked Liz.

Charlie grinned.

“He’s not really all that clued up but one of his Golfing buddies is. He set him up with an account and he can use if from the new fangled smart-phone that Mom bought him for Christmas”

“What did he say?”

“There have been lots of reporters sniffing around wanting to know where I am and if I’m with you again”

Liz groaned.

“Well you are with me my darling but the world should not know that for as long as possible”

“Indeed. But we are leaving trails all over the place” replied Charlie.

“What do you mean?”

“Credit Cards, phones, this planning application, vehicle registrations and all that?”

“Now that you point it out, yes we are. What do you want to do about it?”

“I think we should both change our names”

Liz stared at Charlie who was driving.

“What did you have in mind?” she asked totally surprised buy the statement.

He paused for a second before answering.

“You never told me why you didn’t take Bill’s family name when you were adopted?”

“That’s easy to answer. No one ever asked me if I wanted to. Why?”

Charlie laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“In some ways, it is better if you hadn’t. Then there would have been a direct link to Bill & Kat. Why don’t we do that now?”

“What do you mean? I’m a little confused?”

“Sorry. I mean for us to take Bill’s family name. Both of us. But, I have to ask, Will he & Kat mind?”

Liz thought for a few seconds.

“Sounds like a good idea. I’m sure they won’t mind at all. I’ll ask him when I call them tomorrow”

There was silence for a while.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you but there hasn’t been a really good time before now”

“What?” asked Liz.

“As you are a member of Bill’s family, don’t you have a title or something?”

Liz almost died laughing.

“You yanks and your pseudo royalty kick. You threw us out in 1770 something remember. Yet many of you still hanker after some of the trappings of a Monarchy”

Charlie didn’t answer. Liz had a point.

Liz came to his rescue.

“The answer is no. As I’m not a blood or marriage relative I don’t get a title. I am an heir though”

“I wondered about that when you told me about the adoption”

“Oh, I’m firmly behind Kat and the Boys though so don’t get any big ideas about spending the money. Its not something we ever talk about though.”

“I know. I know. You bloody Brits. Holding everything in with that stiff upper lip and all that”

They both laughed.

Charlie loved her modesty. His former wife would have been boasting about the title in an instant.

“You never asked how much I got for the beach house”, asked Charlie in an effort to turn the tables.

“I doesn’t really matter as long as there is enough in the pot for us to build our dream home and a little bit for us to live on while we setup some business or other”

“There is more than enough for that”

“That’s ok then.”

“Don’t you want to know?”

“As I said, not really”

Liz looked over at Charlie. He looked sad.

“Look my darling. It really does not matter. Understand?”

He blew her a kiss.

“You are amazing. You know that. Other women would already be planning how they could spend it”

“Hey. Don’t think I won’t spend a good chunk of it eventually”

“As long as it eventually then I won’t mind” he replied.

Liz put her hand on his thigh and squeezed it gently.

*

The couple arrived in Elko in good spirits and headed straight for the planning department.

Submitting the plans & forms took a matter of minutes. When Charlie paid the application fee in Cash, they were all done and dusted.

Once outside, Liz said.

“I thought it would be harder than that”

“According to Anders, the hard part is yet to come”

Liz sighed in agreement. The thoughts of rejection and endless changes to the plans did not sit well with Liz.

“What shall we do now?”

“Why don’t we do that name change thingy”

“What here? Now?”

“Why not?”

“Liz. My darling, it is not as easy as that”

“Why not? Back home, all you do is go to a lawyers and he draws up a deed. You sign it, get it witnesses and you are all done. Fred Blogs becomes Bobby Kennedy in half an hour flat”

Charlie laughed.

“Here we have to go before a Judge and swear. Then it becomes a matter of public record.”

“Can’t you do like what they do with children’s records?”

“Oh, you mean seal it?”

“Yeah. That’s it”

Charlie thought for a few seconds.

“Perhaps. If we were to talk nicely to a judge.”

“Can you do that?”

Charlie thought for a moment.

“It depends. I’d have to talk to some local lawyers first”

“Ok. So that is a non runner then?”

“I didn’t say that”

“Well, you did, more or less”

He held up his hand in defeat.

“It might be better if we didn’t do it at the same place though. Less of a trail”

Liz glared at him. But she knew deep down that he was talking sense.

Just then Liz’s phone rang.

“It’s Kat,” she said as she opened it.

“Hi Kat. How are things in merry ole England?”

“Wet eh? How is Bill & the kids?”

“Great. Yes. He’s here beside me. We have just handed the outline plans for our house”

“You have. Ok. What’s wrong?”

“Yeah. I remember it. Next to the big dressing up box”

“That was the one that contained all the Indian clothes I think. Sari’s and Tunics. That sort of stuff”

“Yep that’s right”

“What?”

Liz listened intently to Kat for the next five minutes.

As the end of it, Liz asked,

“Where? When?”

“Oh Shit. That clobbers everything doesn’t it?”

“I think there is a Library or an Internet Cafe somewhere around here. We’ll read the email there and call you right back”

“Yeah. Bye”

She closed the phone and looked at Charlie.

“We are in deep do-do”

“What do you mean?”

Liz swallowed hard as she tried to put what she’d just heard straight in her mind.

“Let me think for a second”

Charlie let her think. He could see that she was worried.

Then she began.

“Do you remember when we were in England I told you that Bill & I used to play ‘dress-up’ in the Holidays?”

“Yes. You said something about lots of clothes in the Attic”

“Exactly. Apart from the trunks containing all the clothes, there were a number of pictures of old family members. One in particular always attracted me. It was of a woman in Indian Dress.”

“Are you with me so far?”

Charlie nodded.

“One of Bill’s forebears owned this Tea plantation in India. He still owns a large part of it. This woman was slightly brown skinned so everyone always assumed that she was Indian. Well, she was but the wrong sort of Indian. To be PC, it turns out that she was a Native American”

“What has this to do with us?”

“Her name was Rose. Well, that was her ‘English’ name. Kat has found a whole load of records & documents that lead her to think that Rose was once called ‘Prairie Flower’ and came from the Paiute Tribe”

Charlie started to get the gist.

“According to the documents unearthed by Kat, Rose changed her name in Salt Lake City in 1887. She married Bill’s ancestor in Chicago in 1888. They came back to England in 1890 after his meat business in Chicago failed. They stayed in England for a year or so. Then they went out to India to run the family Tea Plantation. Hence the picture.”

“Still with me so far?”

“I think I get the idea. What happened next?”

“Well, they returned to England in 1899 with two sons in tow. Sadly both parents died of Malaria or some such tropical nastiness not long after their return. The Children were adopted formally by the family just to keep the lineage & inheritance straight.”

“Now for the killer. One of those children is Bill’s great, great grandfather. Both boys died at Paschendale in 1917. It turns out that the eldest, Edward had married and they had a child”

“What are you trying to say? How do you know all this?”

“That the easy part. When I was adopted into the family, I investigated the family tree. It goes right back to 1089 when the first Baron was granted his title by the King for stopping an uprising in Gascony. Remember, back then, France & England had the same King”

Liz paused for breath.

“Anyways, one of the things that any family as old as the Hardcastle’s does is protect its interests. When Bill’s ancestor came out here, he waived any claim to the estate for him and his heirs. However any wealth that they created in their own right was theirs and the property of their Heirs. Here’s where it gets complicated. The ownership passed to the children as one would expect in such cases. Then they were adopted into the family thus their assets became part of the families assets.”

“Yeah I get that. Inheritance 101”

“Right. Kat, who obviously has nothing more to do with her time these days has found that there was a clause in the law that deal with the reservation here included any assets owned by members of the tribe. To whit, Rose. She survived the requisite 28 days after her husband’s death. Therefore she inherited title to the land we thought was ours when the reservation was setup. When she died, the laws in England meant that her inheritance passed to her relatives and not her children. Thus the ownership of the land passed not to Bill’s family but to her relatives in the tribe”

Suddenly the penny dropped in Charlie’s mind.

“Oh shit!”

“Exactly”

“We don’t own the land. The Tribe does”

“So where does that leave us?”

“Potentially without a place to build a home”

“Bummer!”

“That’s all in the future. Kat is emailing me copies of the documents she has unearthed. Lets find somewhere where we can logon and get them. Then your Legal eyes can take a Shufti”

“Shufti?”

Liz looked at Charlie puzzled.

“Gander?”

“Nope”

She sighed.

“One of these day darling, you will understand”

He shook his head.

“Shufti means look at. Same with Gander”

“Why didn’t you say so?”

“I did”

Charlie shook his head and said.

“Wasn’t it Churchill who said, ‘Two peoples separated by a common language’?”

They both laughed.

“I think there was an Internet Café near where we parked the car” suggested Charlie suddenly very eager to see these documents.

Half an hour later, they had everything downloaded onto Liz’s laptop. They’d also got obtained some printouts of the documents.

They spent the next hour examining them over yet another cup of coffee. Eventually, Charlie said,

‘I think Kat is right on the ball. If the Treaty that setup the reservation is correct then the tribe owns the land. All because Rose survived her husband by more than 28 days. Are we going to tell Billy?”

“Yes but not today” said Liz.

“It’s early yet?”

“I know but I think we should put all this down in a document first. Just to get the dates straight and get Bill & Kat to check it over before we go blundering into action only to find that we have shot ourselves firmly in both feet with an arrow?”

Charlie smiled.

“Oh my ever so sensible Liz. Why didn’t you become a lawyer?”

Liz laughed.

“Not my cup of tea really”

They both laughed when they realised the link to Rose and her family.

*

They stayed the night in Elko just to save on the driving. However, neither of them slept very much as they both had a lot on their mind especially about how they were going to go about telling Billy.

Both were dozing gently when just before dawn, Liz’s phone rang.

Reluctantly, she answered it not bothering to look at the caller Id.

“Hi Kat”

“Oh. Sorry Jake. I was expecting a call from England sometime soon”

“Yes. He’s here with me. What’s up?”

“Yeah. I know it. It’s a real rag. Supermarket Checkout reading for trailer trash I think you once called it”

“They have? That’s all we need right now. Do you know why they are doing this?”

“Really. That explains it. They have a lot to lose.”

“Yeah. I’ll tell him. More bad news”

“No Jake, it is nothing to do with you or the Magazine or the story. Thanks for the heads up. Take Care”

“We will. Bye”

She closed the phone.

“That’s all we need right now”

“What did Jake say?”

“One of those so called newspapers you see at Supermarket Checkouts, has just published an edition that reveals virtually everything about me. Who I am. Who I was. All the gory details”

“How? How did they find out?”

“Well, that information could only have come from two sources. I’m sorry to have to say it Charles my darling, one of them is your mother. The other is the PI who dug all the dirt on me to begin with when she hired him”

Charlie shook his head in disbelief.

“I can’t think she’d stoop so low”

“Me neither. I can only hope that it is the PI in search of a quick dollar” replied Liz giving his mother a somewhat dubious benefit of the doubt.

“What are we going to do?”

Liz smiled.

“You my darling are going to do nothing. Me? I’m going to get up, get dressed and go shopping”

He gave a big sigh.

“Shopping. Now why didn’t I think of that? Women go shopping in times of crisis! May I dare ask why? There is hardly a Macy’s just around the corner is there?”

Liz smiled.

“For my disguise silly. Do you think I should go blonde or black?”

“Eh?”

“Hair colour silly. Jake said that there is a picture of me on the front cover that was taken at last years Fashion Awards. My hair was a lot shorter then but it is the same colour. Just changing the colour may stop people from recognising me in the Supermarket, at least for a while”

“Hold on a minute Liz. Why don’t you let me go? That way, if there are copies of the rag at the tills you won’t be tempting fate?”

Liz smiled.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes”

He smiled.

“Ok. Then. You go. Don’t forget some shampoo and a pair of rubber gloves”

“Rubber gloves?”

“For you to wear when you apply the dye to my hair silly,” said Liz smiling.

While Charlie was out, Liz packed the few things they had bought the previous evening into a couple of plastic bags they’d found in the car.

Almost an hour has passed before Charlie returned.

“I was wondering where you’d got to”

“I didn’t realise that there was so many different colours”

Liz grinned.

“So?”

Charlie handed her the paper bag he was carrying.

“I panicked when this assistant asked if I needed any help.”

She looked inside and burst out laughing.

Liz pulled out the Hair Colour.

“This is almost Red! I would never have chosen that colour in a million years”

“Sorry” he said sheepishly.

Liz smiled.

“Don’t worry darling. It will do fine.” Said through slightly gritted teeth.

An hour later, they emerged from the Motel room. Liz with long red hair and a little more make-up around the eyes than was her usual style.

As they got into the Range Rover, Charlie said.

“You do look very different. Very different indeed”

“But do you like it?”

“Eh? Why do you ask me that?”

“Because dearest, you will see far more of it than me. So?”

Charlie smiled.

“Yes I do actually”

Then his gaze fell too the floor.

“What else?”

Reluctantly, he replied.

“Sometimes, you do look a little dowdy. Perhaps you might get a little more adventurous now that you have such a flamboyant hair colour to go with it”

Liz gave Charlie a really hard look.

“For a moment there Charles Everett, I had this thought that you might have bought this particular hair colour on purpose”

Charlie looked serious.

Then Liz laughed.

“Nearly had you there”

[Continued in Part 16]

Funny Business - Chapter 16, Coming Clean

by

Samantha Michelle Davies

Charlie drove a very apprehensive Liz out the Reservation. They parked at the centre where they’d met Billy on the two previous occasions they’d visited the Reservation.

As they opened the door to go in, the doors burst open and a man in a Wheelchair came out.

“Sorry”, he said as they leapt backwards.

“I’m still getting used to this bastard contraption”

“That’s ok. You weren’t to know we were here,” said Liz.

He smiled.

“You should have a race with my Sister in Law. She’s a real whizz in a Chair” joked Liz.

“These are no joke,” said the man angrily as he tapped his legs. They sounded hollow.

“Neither are her Sister in Laws” said Charlie coming to the rescue.

The man was about to say something but stopped.

Just then the doors opened again and Al emerged.

“Hi Liz, Charlie. What brings you here again? I see you have met Joe”

“Yes we have” said Liz.

Al smiled.

“Joe is a little sensitive about his legs. He lost them to a bomb in Iraq.”

“Sorry Joe. I didn’t know’

Before he could reply, Al butted in.

“Liz’s sister in law lost her legs in an accident with a Bull”

“Sorry” said Joe.

“Look, there has been a bit of getting off on the wrong foot here,” said Charlie.

“Why don’t we start again?”

No one disagreed.

“I’m Joe Frasier, not the boxer” he said trying to make light of the situation.

“Hi Joe Frasier. I’m Liz. This is my Husband Charlie. We are very pleased to meet you. Kat, my Sister in Law did lose her legs in an accident with a Bull. As part of her recovery, we used to have wheelchair races around our house. She always won no matter how hard I tried”

Joe managed a small smile and they shook hands.

“Sorry. Liz but Dr Al here just gave me some bad news about my new legs. “

They both looked at Al.

“Later Joe. We can discuss it later”

Al shepherded Liz & Charlie into the building to Joe’s obvious irritation.

Once inside, Al said,

“I’m sorry for that. Joe is a little irritated that we can’t give him the same treatment as he got at the VA Hospital when he came back from, the War”

Charlie held up his hand.

“You don’t have to apologise to us, ok?”

Al smiled.

“What brings you to this neck of the woods? I wasn’t expecting to see you folks again until the spring”

“There have been some developments that we need to talk to Billy about”

“That sounds a bit ominous. He’s not here at the moment. He should be back a bit later. Can I help?”

Liz looked at Charlie who gave a slight nod of his head.

“Well, if you aren’t busy with patients?”

“Joe was my last one until this afternoon. So, no I’m not busy”

Liz started off.

“Al, does the tribe have records going back to when the reservation was created?”

“Some why?”

“Does the name Prairie Flower mean anything?”

“His face lit up”

“Ah. I think I know who you mean”

“You do?”

“Yes. She is the subject of legend in the tribe”

“Can you explain?”

“Yes I can, but not in here. Lets go into the School Hall. There is a display there you should see”

The three of them went into the School Hall.

Al led them to a glass fronted display that was hanging on the wall.

“This is dedicated to the Legend of Prairie Flower.”

They looked ah the board. Liz gasped when she saw the photo of the woman.

Al noticed this but didn’t say anything.

He started telling the story just as he had done many times over the years. Almost every child who had attended the School could probably recite the story verbatim such was the reverence in which Prairie Flower was held by the tribe.

“The tribe had just been moved here by the U.S. government when a really bad winter hit. There were a few White Men in the area doing a bit of prospecting. Apart from the tribe the area was deserted. One night received a really big fall of snow. Legend has it that it was more than a man’s height. Normally, we don’t get more that a foot or so at a time.”

Liz gasped.

“That’s legends for you eh?”

He continued.

“As I said, there were a few prospectors in the area. They kept themselves to themselves and didn’t bother us. A few years earlier and they might well have been scalped but the fight was gone from the tribe. One of the prospectors was working about 15 miles north of here but we didn’t know of it at the time. It turned out that he was the man who is apparently your relative. He ran low on supplied and tried to trek to reservation camp. In doing so, he got stuck in a huge snowdrift somewhere”

“Prairie Flower just seemed to hear his calls for help. She told her family who refused to believe her. She complained so much that her father refused to let her go and look for him. After a day, she ignored her father’s command and she went out in search of this man on her own”

“For two days, she trekked over into what is now your property and found the man who had called to her very close to death. She nursed him back to some form of health inside a Snow Cave for another three days. Then she helped him to return to the Village. He spent the winter recovering in the village. At least six other prospectors weren’t so lucky and died that terrible winter”

“Is that it?” asked Charlie.

“Not quite” replied Al smiling.

“When the first thaw came, the prospector we came to know as ‘The Englishman’ was well enough to leave. He legally bought the land where he was prospecting a few years before. He’d hand enough of this part of the world and had decided to go home. When he left and as a measure of thanks to the tribe for saving his life, he leased us the land for 999 years for the princely sum of 1$. The then chief went into Elko and they signed the agreement all legal like in the presence of the Indian Agent and the local U.S Marshall.”

Then Al looked sad.

“What happened then?”

“By the time the Chief returned from Elko, we’d had another big dump of snow and Prairie Flower had disappeared. Everyone thought that she we out looking for another lost soul. That is how Prairie Flower became the subject of a legend to our tribe”

Al was obviously proud of his ancestors.

“Al, I think that there is another chapter to that legend. I think I can safely say that Prairie Flower did not perish in the snow that winter.”

“What do you mean?”

Liz showed him the printout of the picture of Rose in Indian dress.

“This is a copy of a picture of a lady named Rose. She is Prairie Flower. There is no doubt of that”

Al was aghast.

“Where did you get this?”

“I first saw this picture when I was 10 or 11 years old. It is in the attic at Bills House”

“I don’t understand? You lost me?”

“Prairie Flower didn’t go looking for other lost souls. She went in search of the man she rescued from the snow. She found him on the way to Salt Lake City. By the time, they reached Chicago, she had changed her name to Rose and by the time they had left Chicago, they were a married couple.”

“How do you know all this?” asked Al in an almost demanding manner

Liz showed him the copies of the documents that Kat had emailed.

Al shook his head.

“What happened to her?”

“After spending a year or so in England, she and her husband ended up managing a tea plantation in India. That is where the portrait was painted. While that were in India they had two sons. When they came back to England, with the children, both parents died of Malaria within a few months of each other.”

Al looked sad.

“What happened to the children?”

“Both sons died in serving in the Army during World War One. One was awarded the Distinguished Service Order for saving three of the privates under his command whilst taking a German trench on the Somme in June 1916.”

Al’s shoulders dropped.

Liz smiled.

“The eldest son had married and English Lady. A Lady Barlow-Smith from Lincolnshire in 1912. Together, they’d had a son Edward George Hardcastle. That child is Bill’s great grandfather”

“I’m not sure I understand all this. Are you saying that the Bill who came here just a few weeks ago is part Paiute?”

“Yes but …”

“And he’s your brother?”

“Only by adoption”

Liz decided to get it all out.

“It appears that the land that I thought was mine is actually part of the reservation. It always has been because she was married before the reservation was legally incorporated”

She gave a big sigh of relief when she finished the sentence.

Al looked long and hard at both pictures of Prairie Flower. He was having a really hard time understanding what he’d just heard.

“I can see why you wanted to see Billy. The whole tribe will be very interested in the update to the story of Prairie Flower”

“What about the land?” asked Liz.

“Who cares about the land? She is a hero to our tribe. I thought for a moment that her reputation was going to be ruined but this just makes it even better. The American Indian Woman in India. That sounds so far fetched it just has to be true.”

Both Liz & Charlie were shaking their heads in disbelief. They did not know what sort of reaction to expect from the story but it was certainly not this one.

“Don’t you take anything seriously?”

“Yes I do. This is a gold mine for us. Think of the publicity for the tribe?”

“No!” said Liz almost shouting.

This got Al’s attention.

“What do you mean?”

“No publicity or we walk out of here this minute. There are people who want to do Liz harm” said Charlie calmly.

“What do you mean?”

“It is a long story that started over a year ago and is far too complicated to tell you now. Lets just say that some of the less salubrious parts of the media have put a price on her head”

Al thought for a moment.

“And you don’t want your past spread over the tabloids?”

“It’s a bit too late for that,” protested Charlie.

“All her past is there on sale at the Supermarket Checkouts. But at the moment, they have no idea where Liz is currently living and we’d like to keep it that way.

“Oh. I see”

“I hope so” replied Charlie in his bet ‘lawyering voice’.

*

By the time they hit the highway just before dusk, they had told their story at least three times. Firstly the went over it with Al once more. They repeated everything to Billy and finally to a meeting of the tribal council plus some other conversations as well.

The last meeting was the most unnerving. Very few of the elders said anything. They just sat there and listened. Most shook their head many times.

At the end of their explanation, Billy said,

“Thank you both. It certainly fills a large number of holes in our history.”

“We hope so too”

One of the elders raised his hand.

“Yes, Running Stream?” said Billy.

“I am having trouble understanding why they have told us this? What is in it for them? As far as I can see, they have lost a lot. The Land and everything else”

There was a general agreement to that question.

Billy smiled.

“Go ahead Liz” he prompted.

“That is a very valid question. What we’d like to have os permission from the tribe to live on that land for as long as we want. To build a home and have enough land to grow some food and have a few horses. Personally, I couldn’t live here knowing that I was not the rightful owner of my own home”

When she finished, Billy addressed the Elders.

“Liz is a very special person and will no doubt be an asset to our community even though she is not a full blood member of this tribe”

“How is she special?” asked one of the elders.

Al answered.

“She is an animal medicine man. She talks to animals”

This caused a lot of conversation amongst the Elders.

After a minute, Billy called the meeting to order.

“Liz, Charlie, could you please wait outside while the matter is discussed by the Tribal Council”

They were surprised at this request but nevertheless, they complied after all, they were their guests.

When they went outside, the sun was setting and there was a distinct chill in the air.

As they were about to go back into the building, they noticed Joe waving at them from his Pick-up.

They went over to see what he wanted.

“I want to apologise for being a complete idiot earlier”

Liz smiled.

“That’s ok Joe. We understand that you are having a few problems. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Forget it ok?” said Charlie.

Joe looked at Liz,

“You mentioned your Sister in Law. Is what you said about her true?”

“Yes why?”

“After I left you with the Doctor, I ran into the Chief. I mentioned what you had said. He said that he had met her and found her to be a remarkable woman. I was wondering if she could help me adjust to being like this?”

Liz smiled.

“Joe, I’m sure she would love to help you. When I call her in the morning, I’ll tell her about you if that is ok?”

“That would be great”

“Is there a phone number she could call you on?”

“Yes. Let me write it down for you”

While he was doing that, Liz said,

“She was very much like you are now at one point after her accident. You know, refusing to accept the deal that life has given you. At war with everyone and everything. She did get over it you know. She’s probably a better person now than before… Than when she had legs”

Joe smiled at them and handed Liz a slip of paper with his phone number.

Before they could continue their conversation, Billy came out of the Building and called to them.

“Liz, Charlie, can you come over here?” he called.

As they left Joe in this truck, Liz put her hand on his and said,

“Joe, don’t despair. It does get better. I’m sure that Kat will help you do just that”

Billy was waiting for them at the entrance to the Building.

“Good News. After a lot of discussion, the Council will lease you 200 acres of land on the newly enlarged reservation”

Liz gripped Charlie’s hand tight.

“This is obviously subject to the Bureau of Indian Affairs accepting the documentary evidence of the ownership of the land at the time the Reservation was formally established in 1894”

Liz smiled and shook his hand.

“Thanks Chief. Thanks for being so understanding. We really want to be good neighbours.”

Billy laughed.

*

It was very late in the evening when the pair returned to their winter home. They just fell into bed and slept until nearly Midday. It was the ringing of Liz’s phone that stirred them from their slumbers.

“Hello” said a sleepy Liz into the phone.

“Yes Kat it was a late night. We didn’t get back from the reservation until almost 1am”

“Kat, can I call you back when we’ve had some Coffee?”

“Yeah. Bye”

Liz closed the phone and turned over to face the still dozing Charlie.

She kissed him on the end of his nose and then licked it with her tongue.

This soon had the desired effect.

“Go away. I’m sleeping”

She carried on with the ticking.

“Ok. Ok. I get the message. Was that the phone?”

“Good morning to you my darling.”

“Humph”

“It was Kat. I told her we would call her back when we’ve had some coffee”

Charlie sat up with such a start that they almost banged their heads.

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

“I’m going to get in the shower. You know where the Coffee is, don’t you?”

Before he could protest, she was gone.

After Breakfast was over and Charlie was doing the dishes, Liz called Kat.

“Hi Kat”

“Yes, we’ve had some Coffee”

“We did indeed. Just like my email said”

“Briefly, they did accept everything subject to the usual terms & conditions. I’ll send a full version of yesterday events by email later.”

“Yes. We are very happy at the developments. Charlie wants to get on building the main frameworks”

“Yeah I know we could have said nothing but you know that is not my style.”

Liz smiled at Charlie as she said that.

Liz listened again to Kat.

“That too. We will try to sort something out this week. Charlie is going to speak to his father. He said something about an ‘old boys network’ in New England”

“I’m going to send you an email later about something that you might be able help with.”

“No, its far easier if I just put all the details in the email first”

“Yep ok. Give my best to everyone. Speak to you tomorrow”

Liz folded up the phone.

“That was Kat wanting to know about yesterday”

“I gathered that,” replied Charlie.

“Was I wrong about the frames?”

“No. Not really but we need to source the lumber first. I’m more inclined to use Oak. It is ideal for this type of structure as it shrinks all the dowelled joints tighten up”

Liz waved him away. She had lost him after the word ‘oak’.

“That’s your department my darling”

“What was that about sorting something out this week and my Father?”

“Getting names changed to protect the innocent?”

Charlie laughed at the joke.

“Thanks for reminding me about that. I’ll call him right away”

“Won’t he be on the Golf Course?”

Charlie looked at the clock and shook his head.

“I don’t think so. In the Clubhouse more like besides he will be very pleased to hear from his only Son especially out of earshot of Mom”

Liz smiled.

*

Charlie’s phone call to his father proved very profitable. He was given the name of a Judge in Massachusetts to contact.

Charlie decided not to let things hang around and called the Judge.

“Hello. I’d like to speak with Judge McPhail please”

“Yes. I am aware that this is a Saturday. Please tell him that this is Charles Everett. My father went to school with him”

There was a short wait while whoever answered the phone, went to get the Judge.

“Hello Judge”

“Yes. That is correct. Charles Everett IV. He sends his regards”

“Yes, a few minutes ago”

“Ha-ha. The golf course more like. He has more or less retired.”

“Yes I did. But, not into Criminal Law. I’m a corporate lawyer, or rather I was”

“I’m helping design a house at the moment.”

“Actually I’d like your help. Not about the house but on a personal legal matter”

“My wife & I would like to change our names and have the documents sealed”

“Yes. It is a long story. If you’d ask your wife about the furore at New York

Fashion Week with the designer accused of stealing designs, well, my wife is the journalist who actually wrote the story”

“Yes, the supermarket tabloids did run a story about her being a man”

“Yes it is true”

“We are already in a legal civil partnership under English Law”

Charlie smiled as he listened to the Judge speaking.

“Yes we can. Tuesday or Wednesday if that is ok with you?”

“Fine. I’ll find the address. 15:30 Wednesday in your chambers it is then. Thank you Sir”

He put the phone down with a very please look on his face.

Then he went in search of Liz. He found her upstairs in her ‘sewing’ room.

“Hello darling. What’s up? It can’t be time to get the dinner on already?”

Charlie smiled.

“No. I have some good news. We are going back east. Western Massachusetts to be precise on Tuesday”

“Why?”

“To get our names changed, She’n’She”

Liz smiled.

“Are you ok with me taking that name?”

“Yes. I think I am”

“What about you?”

“I’ll just take your family surname as we discussed”

“What about your dynasty”

Charlie laughed.

“Mom put paid to that when she went against you. Dad agrees with me on that.”

Liz kissed Charlie for a long time when he said that.

*

Tuesday morning arrived and it was raining hard. When they set off to the airport both were strangely silent. This continued for the flights east that took up most of the day. By the time they arrived in Albany, New York well after dark. They picked up the rental car and drove east the some 20-30 miles into Massachusetts and their motel for the night. Both of them were strangely muted as they prepared for bed that night.

As Liz lay in bed staring at the ceiling, Charlie asked,

“Nervous?”

Liz didn’t say anything for several seconds.

“What if the Judge won’t go along with your idea?”

“If I know my Dad, he will have made sure about this before he put it to me.

“What if…”

Charlie decided to shut her up.

He leaned over and kissed her long and hard.

Needless to say, it had the desired effect.

The following morning, the rain seemed to have followed them from Nevada. The roads were awash with water and the spray made driving difficult. They arrived at their destination only 5 minutes before their appointment.

Luckily a parking spot right outside the Courthouse became available right in time for them to drive straight in.

Dead on 10:30am, they presented themselves at the Judge’s office.

Charlie knocked slightly nervously on the door.

If they hadn’t had the appointment with the Judge later that afternoon, they would have left town by lunchtime.

“Enter” came a voice from within.

They duly complied and went inside.

“Welcome to North Adams” said the Judge as they were shown in.

“Well, Charles, you do look a lot like your Father. I told him so only an hour or so ago”

“You spoke with him?” asked Charlie pretending to be surprised.

“Yes. He called last week and reminded me that I owed a ‘C’ note from our last Poker night. He then asked me for a favour in lieu of that debt.”

Then he stopped.

“Please, sit down and take a load”

Liz & Charlie sat down and waited for the Judge.

“We had a long talk about a number of things. He told me about your little escapade in the fashion world. He gave me a link to the press conference you were at on this ‘U-Tube’ thingy.”

“I watched it and some of the other coverage last night. I’d throw the book at him if he came up before me… He’s as guilty as sin”

Both of them started to relax. The Judge was on their side.

“So, here you are today so I guess you are for real. I did talk to my wife about the events in New York but out here we are kinda off the beaten track so to speak. So I did a little more searching and I have to say to you both, that was one helluva job you did there. I can certainly understand the interest the tabloids have in you my dear. I hope you don’t mind me calling you that?”

Liz shook her head.

“Good. Your father tells me that Liz here is British and is working here on a green card. Is that correct?”

“Yes Why?” answered Liz.

“Well, we can’t have you at risk of being thrown out of the country by the INS can we?”

“What do you propose? I haven’t taken the classes needed to be eligible for US Citizenship”

The Judge smiled.

“You are if I marry you”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand. We are married. We did it in England” protested Liz.

“Ah but that ceremony that is not recognized by the USCIS as being eligible for citizenship. If I were to marry you then you can apply to become a US Citizen by marriage after three years. But you will have to apply for a new green card after your marriage. I think you will be fine with Charlie at your side.

“Will you do that? I mean marry us?”

“Yes I will. If I wasn’t prepared to do that we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Liz took hold of Charlie’s hand and squeezed it. As she did so, she made a mental node to ‘kill’ him that night for not really coming clean with her.

“There is a proper way to do this. Firstly, Liz, we should change your name. Then I marry the pair of you. Then Charlie, you change your name. The two changes of name I’ll keep sealed. It would look a bit odd if two people with the same surname got married. This might be the country but this is certainly not Redneck country where 1^st cousins marry 1^st cousins. Doing it this way things shouldn’t attract any undue attention”

“Thank you Judge. This is fantastic,” said Charlie.

He smiled.

“Think of it as my repaying your Father for helping me out more than once at Law School and being a good adversary at the Poker Table over the years”

“I don’t know about that?”

“Get him to tell you sometime but make sure he has had a few drinks first”

Everyone seemed happy.

“So how do we go about this?” asked Liz.

“We can do the first part today. I’ve reserved a slot in my calendar for you for tomorrow morning to get you two hitched. Then over lunch, I’ll finish the whole thing off. Is that ok?”

Charlie looked a bit sad.

“What’s wrong son?”

“We were hoping we’d have enough time to find someone around here who could supply us with the lumber for our new home. But I hadn’t realised that the Lumber Industry is all but extinct hereabouts.”

The Judge smiled.

“I might know someone who could help you out with the Lumber and even build it for you. God knows, the people around here could do with the work”

“It’s not what you might call a conventional house” said Charlie.

The Judge waved his hand to dismiss him.

“No matter. I’ll make some calls when we are done here and in the morning, you can meet the man I had in mind and make your own mind up. Ok?”

Charlie nodded his agreement.

“Good. Now, I have filled out some of the details for your change of name my dear from what Charles’s father told me. What do you want to call yourself?”

Liz smiled and looked at Charlie.

“She-n-she Elizabeth Hardcastle”

“That is a name I have never heard of before. Can you spell it?”

“It is sort of my Indian, sorry Native American name. It means ‘she who is not she’”

The Judge chuckled as Liz spelt it out.

“Very well. Do you have your passport or birth certificate & green card documents”?

“I have my passport and my green card if that is ok?”

“That is fine”

She gave them to the Judge.

He filled in a few more details and then passed the form back to Liz.

“If you’d like to sign in the boxes at the bottom with your old and new names, I’ll stamp it”

She signed the document and passed it back to the Judge.

He put his signature and official stamp on the document.

He did the same with another copy and handed that to Liz.

“I now pronounce you officially She-n-she Elizabeth Hardcastle”

“Thank you Judge” said Liz.

“What do we owe you for all this Judge?” asked Charlie.

He smiled.

“Just the $60.00 for the marriage fee tomorrow. The rest is all covered by an I.O.U. that your father has of mine. He says to tell you that it is a second wedding present from him to you”

Just before they were about to stand up, Charlie asked,

“Judge, are you going to marry us as if Liz was a proper woman? I know that some of the Judiciary in this state don’t like the passing of the law that allowed it”

“Yes I am not one of them but don’t tell anyone.’

He laughed.

They looked surprised.

“Folk hereabouts are conservative with a BIG C. As I’m retiring at the end of my term then I don’t really care. However, I do have to live here after I retire and people here have very long memories. So I have to be somewhat careful. If we do it my way then it will not appear abnormal in any way”

Charlie stood up and shook the Judge’s hand.

“Thank you Sir. You don’t know how much this means to both of us”

He smiled.

“I’d like to invite you both to dinner tonight if you aren’t doing anything special?”

They looked at each other and smiled.

“Judge we’d love to do accept. We don’t have any formal clothes though”

He laughed.

“Come as you are. That’s not a problem. We don’t stand on ceremony out here not like you folks in the big apple.”

The first part of the operation was soon completed and the Judge bade them farewell until that evening.

Right on time at 7pm, Charlie pulled up in front of the Judge’s home. Slightly nervously, they held hands as they walked up the short path to the house.

Charlie ran the bell.

A few seconds later, the door opened. It was the Judge holding a bottle of beer in one hand.

“Hello again. Please come on in. We don’t stand on ceremony outside the Court building”

“Thank you Judge.

“Enough of the Judge for today. Call me Rik, short for Richard. Please go on through, there is someone there I want you to meet”

He closed the door behind them and followed them into the Lounge.

Standing looking at them was Charlie’s father.

“Hello you two! I know this is slightly premature Liz or should I say ‘She-n-she’, but welcome to the family.”

[Continued in part 17]

Funny Business - Chapter 17, Breaking Ground

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

Liz was totally surprised to see Charles Sr in front of her.
He came up and kissed her on both cheeks.
“Hello Liz”

“What are you doing here?” she asked still stunned from seeing her ‘father in law to be’.
He grinned.

“My Son told me about your problem with being properly married. I remembered that this fine State allowed full marriage between same sex couples. I was on the Golf Course when one of my buddies mentioned they hadn’t seen Rick for a while. I put two and two together so I called him. We cooked up this little scheme and Charlie didn’t hesitate in agreeing to it all.”

He paused.
“Then I decided that I’d like to see Rick again and give him a chance to beat me a Poker. So, here I am. I only got in from New York an hour ago”
“Well, it is nice to see you again” said Liz who was coming to regard Charles as the father she’d never really known.
“Same here” he replied as he hugged her.

He turned to look at his Son who was feeling a little bit left out of things.

He offered his hand.
They shook hands with the sort of shake that only close relatives can do without anyone feeling embarrassed.

“You are looking really well Son. I can see Liz here is looking after you very well”, he said with a grin on his face.
“Yes she is. She’s also teaching me to cook”

That caused him to laugh.
“That I must see. Charlie in the Kitchen. Your mother would have a fit”
“How is the old so-and-so?” asked Charlie.
“She’s the same as usual. Cantankerous and set in her ways”
“I’m glad to hear that. Is she still on the warpath for Liz?”
“I’m afraid so. But even some of her friends are starting to think she is more than a little bonkers”
“Ah well.” He replied shrugging his shoulder.

Rik returned with his wife Karen and introductions were made.
“If you lot have finished reminiscing, dinner is ready” she said quietly.

It was late in the evening before the party broke up. A great evening had been had by one and all. Charles Senior was staying with Rik and his wife Karen so Liz and Charlie returned to their Motel.

On the way back, Liz said,
“Did you know anything about your father visiting?”
“No. Well, not really. He said, see you soon when we spoke the other day”
“It was nice of him to come though”
“Yes. It was.”

Then he paused.

“Does he know the Judge is going to be bending the law a bit for us tomorrow”
“Yes. He sort of hinted that Rik had told him”

“As an officer of the Court, shouldn’t he be concerned?”
“As he’s retiring in six months he does not really care. Does it bother you?”
“I thought it would but now? Not really. We have so much going on in our lives that we haven’t really stopped and enjoyed ourselves doing nothing since Barbados. You know just do nothing for a week or so”

Charlie was a little stunned by this.
“Where did all this come from?”
“I don’t know really. I think I had sort of hoped that once the magazine was published, we could disappear into the shadows once again. But with everything with the tabloids and the land and the reservation, I think I given up hoping that we could just have a bit of time together doing nowt”
“Wow. I didn’t know you felt like that”
Liz smiled.

“Neither did I until a little while ago”

“Are you sure you didn’t drink a bit too much wine tonight?”
Liz chuckled.

“No. I didn’t get pissed if that is what you are asking.”
“Ok. Just asking”
Liz put her hand on Charlie’s thigh.
“Don’t worry my love, I’m not cracking up just yet”

*

The following morning, they arrived at the Courthouse. This time however, they went into the courtroom and presented themselves before Judge McPhail.

Charlie’s father was there along with the Judge’s wife to be their witnesses.

Charlie whispered to his father,
“Are you happy at all this law bending?”
He smiled back and nodded his head.
Charlie shook his head and turned his attention to the Judge who called the court to order.
“We are gathered here to day to join these two people in marriage”

Less than 10 minutes later, Charlie and She-n-she Elizabeth left the court a properly married couple.

Liz walked arm in arm with Charlie with a huge grin on her face. The day she’d dreamed about as a spotty faced teenager had finally come true.

The Judge joined them outside the Courthouse and together they went to a nearby restaurant for Lunch after which, and once more back in his Chambers, the Judge formally changed Charlie’s name to Charles Hardcastle.

True to his promise, the Judge then signed the orders sealing the two name changes.

All too soon and with more than a tinge of regret, they said goodbye to Charlie’s father and they left the small town headed towards address of the contact that the Judge had given them at Lunch.

Charlie drove them North out of town and just over the State Line into Vermont where they turned off the main road and up a track into the dense Forest. Half a mile up the track, they came upon a small Sawmill in a clearing of the Forest.
He stopped the car and they both got out.

“Hello? Is there anyone here?” shouted Charlie.
“I’m back here in the shed” came a voice.

Together they went into the relative darkness of the workshop. They passed the big circular saw standing idle in its saw bench and entered a small office at the rear of the building.

“Hello. Can I help you?” said a short late middle-aged man who was sitting at a desk.
“Yes. Judge McPhail down in North Adams said you might be able to help us out”

He smiled and nodded his head at the mention of the Judge.

“I’m Troy Smith. Owner and sole employee of this fine establishment.”
“Hello. I’m Charles Hardcastle and this is my wife Liz”
“Pleased to meet you. What can I do for you?”
“We are in need of some lumber”

“Well, that’s what I do.

“We are building a house and want it to be timber framed. It needs to be really high quality hardwood though. I’d prefer it to be Oak”

Troy looked a bit sad.
“Why did come to me? There are plenty of places elsewhere in the area that will do the whole thing for you and at a fraction of the price that I could do it for. Those places are more like factories”

There was more than a tinge of regret in his voice.

Charlie smiled.
“This is a somewhat unconventional house. It is based upon the Icelandic Turf Houses. By that I mean that the roof is covered in soil and turf as insulation”

Troy smiled.
“That is a little bit unusual”

Charlie continued.
“The inside is also very different. The main living area is octagonal in shape with a self-supporting roof. Much like a Tee-Pee. Actually the land where it is to be built is actually next door to a Reservation. The other complication is that it is in Nevada”

Troy shook his head in bewilderment.
“Do you want me to supply the raw unfinished Lumber or do you want it cut and finished?”

Charlie grinned.

“Well, we were sort of hoping that you could do a little more than that if at all possible. The wood would also have to be green as it is going to be pinned together with dowels”
“Ah, a proper wooden building” replied Troy as his interest in the project noticeably increased.
“One that will move and creak as the thing settles down”

He added
“I understand that the end result is much stronger that way?” Asked Charlie feigning ignorance.
“That is so very true.”

At this point Liz gracefully left the men alone. All these design details didn’t interest her in the slightest.

She returned to the Range Rover and got out her sketchpad and started drawing one of the landscapes they’d travelled through on their journey to North Adams.

Before she knew it, it was getting dark and Charlie was getting into the car.

“How did it go?” she asked as she put the pad away.
“Ok.” Said Charlie.
“Really Ok or so-so?”

“Ok. Actually it is rather more than ok. Troy is willing to supply the timber and machine the joints and stuff but he needs the accurate drawings. I’ll have to get Anders to do the calculations but we recon that it will all fit inside two 40ft containers. This will make shipping much easier”

Liz smiled.
“I get it. It is in kit form, a pre-fab”
“Yep. Kit form. Then we will have to assemble it on site.”
“What if we get it wrong?”

Charlie laughed.

“We simply drill out the dowels and pull it all apart. Then we start putting it all together again”
Liz shook her head. She couldn’t quite grasp that sort of detail about the building. All she was really interested in was the finished article and how she was going to furnish it.

*

Once they we back in Nevada and had recovered from the events in Massachusetts, Charlie and Anders got down to the serious detail design of the house. Charlie rented a large A0 sized printer that was capable of printing all the myriad of drawings that detailed all the bits of the house and the outbuildings for their new home.
Liz occupied her time with making sketches of the interior and working the drawings she’d been making ever since they came ‘out west’.
Some of them were rapidly turning into some beautiful Landscape Paintings, which made her very proud. She started mentally hanging them on the walls of the new house.

Everyone was working so had and before they knew it, Christmas had come and gone and they were well into the New Year. All the design work on the house had been done, the details drawings sent back east, when one day in early January, a letter arrived.

“Hey Charlie, there is a letter from Elko County for you”
“I wonder what they want?”

He opened the letter and after a brief scan of it, he burst out laughing.
“In their great wisdom, they have declined our planning application”
“Oh, I’d forgotten all about that. I guess we don’t need it anymore?”
“That’s right. We don’t.”

“I think I’ll frame it and hang it on our wall” suggested Liz
“My I suggest that you hang it in the toilet?”
They both laughed.

“It is about time that we start getting the timber cut and all sorts of other things. I’m going to be pretty tied up for the foreseeable future. As soon as the weather clears and spring is around the corner, and the timber structure has been ordered, I think we should move on-site. There is a huge amount of Groundwork to be done before the frame arrives and there is a little matter of a trial we have to attend.”
“Where would we stay when we are there? I’m not spending months in the RV” protested Liz who had gotten used to the space their rented home provided.

He smiled.

“Don’t worry about that my darling. I have a few ideas that I’m working on”

*

A couple of days later, Liz called Kat for one of their regular phone calls. During the conversation, she asked about Joe who was in the UK.
“How’s Joe getting on?”
Liz heard Kat laugh down the phone.

“He’s getting along fine. The people down at Headley Court have fitted him with a new pair of legs. He says they are really comfortable. He comes back here for the weekend. A few more sessions next week and he’ll be on the plane home. He’s made quite a few friends amongst the Squaddies at the Court. Apparently they’ve nick-named him ‘Friendly Fire’”

It was Liz’s turn to smile to herself. She wasn’t sure how he’d take that possible slight but she was prepared to give it a chance.
“That’s great Kat. Give my regards to him and tell him that there is a job waiting for him when he gets back”

“What sort of Job?” asked Kat.
“We need someone to organize the site. Charlie thinks it would be best if that someone is a local person. Billy told me that Joe knows who is good at what from a building point of view on the Reservation. Joe was a Sergeant in the Army so he should be able to organise the team of people we need to put to the house”

“Are you going to use the people from the Tribe to build your house?” asked a slightly puzzled Kat.
“Yes. Why not, they are right on the doorstep. Besides it is in the middle of nowhere and the travelling time from anywhere with a decent sized workforce is pretty long. That will restrict the choice of worker considerably.”
Kat was quiet for a moment.

“That wasn’t Liz speaking. That was Charlie. There was just too much logic in that for it to come from you”
Liz laughed.

“Yeah, he told me about his ideas. It sort of makes sense though. Besides the Lumber supplier will be coming out here to supervise the assembly. All we need is plenty of people to lend a hand”

*

Right on the day ringed in red on the plan, Liz and Charlie moved into one of the two mobile homes that Charlie had ordered to be delivered to the site. Anders and his family moved into another one. The homes were a good half a mile from the site of the house. This was to keep a much of the noise & dust from the building site away from their living quarters.

A third rented office was close to the site. This was to be the site office. Power and some temporary phone lines were soon installed a few days later.
On the 21st March, the spring equinox, the heavy plant arrived and after a simple ceremony presided over by Al and a few members of the tribe, the excavations began. There was going to be an awful lot of ‘stuff’ moved before this project was complete.

In all the confusion, Liz didn’t notice a rather shifty character on the edge of the crowd at the ceremony.
As the crowd dispersed, he came up to Liz and said
“Liz Fuller?”
“Y… Not really”
“It doesn’t matter.” Said the man.

He thrust a wad of legal papers inside her jacket.
“Young Lady, consider yourself well and Truly SERVED”
Without waiting for an answer, he turned and left her alone, her mouth wide open in amazement.

After more than a few seconds, she came to life and looked around for Charlie. He was with Anders peering at a large drawing.
She literally ran over to them
“Charlie!” she cried urgently.
He smiled at her and said,
“What’s up?”
Liz thrust he wad of documents into his hand.

“I’ve just been SERVED” she said in desperation
The smile on Charlie’s face disappeared in an instance.

“Excuse me Anders, I’ll need to go and sort this out”
Anders waved them away.
Charlie took one look at the first bit of paper and said.
“This is not good. Not good at all”
Then he added,

“He’s suing you for Copyright Theft & Trademark Infringement and asking for punitive damages of a cool ten million dollars. Then he’s suing you for libel saying that everything you wrote was a complete fabrication.”

Then Charlie looked at the last document.
“He’s also reported you to the INS for green card violation and wants you deported immediately with along with the forfeiture of all your assets”
He could see that Liz was distressed.

Charlie held her tightly.
“Don’t worry my darling. This is nothing more than I’d anticipated”
After a few seconds, Liz broke free and said,
“You anticipated all this? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

Charlie looked her in straight the eyes.
“Because my sweet innocent thing, you wouldn’t have dared write the story in the way you did. The theft charge does surprise me to some extent but the things we did in London after the show there was all to cover for this eventuality”

Liz thought back to the two days following the fashion show in London where they’d done things that she didn’t fully understand.

“You mean getting all those signatures & stuff with Bill and his friends?”
Charlie smiled.
“Yes. Exactly that”.
“So what do we do next?” asked Liz seemingly once again back in control of her emotions.
Charlie grinned.
“You do exactly nothing. Leave it to your legal team”
“My Legal team? What do you mean?”

“The whole team of lawyers back at the magazine with me helping out as well. That was all part of the original plan. Prepare for the worst and anything less is a bonus. This was all part of the original planning.”
This made Liz very happy.

“I need to make some phone calls then I’ll have a better picture of things”
“How did they track us down?” asked Liz.
“That is what I’m not sure of. Phone records probably.”
“Eh?”
“More than likely from the calls we made from rented house in Carson City. Not that hard to obtain with the greasing of a few palms.”
“But out here?” said Liz pointing at the vast empty spaces in this part of the state.
Charlie smiled.

“Remember, we left a forwarding address with the letting agent. Again, a few dollars changing hands under the table can yield remarkable result. Not that hard really if you are prepared to pay for information.”

Liz nodded her understanding but clearly from her body language, she was not letting on all her concerns.
“Why don’t you take Billy off and look for that water you said was here. I’ll go back to the trailer and make those phone calls” suggested Charlie.

He kissed her gently and for a while at least, they went their separate ways.

While Liz was hopefully occupied with looking for the Water supply she’d promised was around, Charlie went back to the trailer to make some important phone calls. Calls he’d hoped that he’d not have to make.

His first call was to Jake. It was brief and to the point. Then he called the legal department at the magazine and spoke to one of his old colleagues.

“Hi John, it’s Charlie”

“Not bad. Not bad”

“No, I didn’t call you to pass the time of day. Can you find out what is happening with the DA and the case?”

“Why? Because Liz has been served. They are suing her for millions in punitive damages and have reported her to the INS.

“Yes. That is unfortunate. I’ll email copies of the writs and the subpoena”

“Yes. She’s will be hostile witness. Can you find out what the hell is the DA playing act? They were supposed to put Liz on their witness list. I just wonder if they felt that they had enough without Liz needing to appear.”

“If they did then they may well have played right into the hands of the defence. You know what will happen to Liz on the stand?”

“Yeah. I know it looks bad. Oh, they’ve managed to get the trial moved to early April”

“Yep. Right after the Easter recess. Not much time to prepare Liz. This is all part of their strategy I think”

“Yeah that’s right. Completely off guard.”

“Thanks. I’ll email the docs to you right away.”

He hung up the phone with a heavy heart. No one in the legal department at the magazine knew about the writs or the change in trial dates.

The last phone call was to his father. He hoped that he was not at home with his mother.

“Hi dad” he said when the call was answered.
“I’m fine. Liz is ok. Are you with Mom?”
“Ok. Call me when you can.”

Charles Sr was at home so couldn’t speak freely. His father would have to call back a bit later.

He set too and scanned the relevant parts of the legal papers that had been served on Liz less than an hour earlier. He sent them using his mobile phone data connection. It seemed unbearably slow to transfer the eight sheets. Then he thought that they were lucky to even have a signal where they were located.

When that was done, he sat down and tried to plan a strategy for the next few weeks. Everything they’d planned so carefully relating to the building was suddenly in total disarray. The change of date for the trial had totally screwed up their so carefully laid plans.

Before she would be called as a witness, Liz would need hours of preparation to appear in the witness box. As she was going to be called by the defence all the preparation work would have to be completely re-worked. A new plan on how she would deal with the expected inquisition into he past would have to be formulated.

The subpoena said that she had to appear at the court on the 4th April. That was just over two weeks away. Charlie knew that the defence council would try to totally discredit Liz. The added ammunition of the lawsuits was something that no one had even considered.

As he sat there looking out of the Trailer’s window at Ander’s son playing with a small ball in the dirt he wondered if their so ‘masterstroke’ could come back and backfire on them. The more he thought about it, the more he came to realize that it was the only strategy that would stop Liz from being ‘put to the sword’ on the Witness Stand.

He was still deep in thought when his phone rang.

He didn’t recognise the number even though it was a 212, New York area code.
“Hello?”

“Yes that’s me. Who am I talking to?”

“Hello Mr Komarowski. What can I do for you?”

“Yes they did. It was a complete surprise I have to admit”

“I had thought we’d come at the end of the week. Liz will need time to be prepped”

“You can’t? Why?”

“Oh. I see. That is rather unfortunate. The change of dates does seem to have thrown several spanners into the works. I’ll have to find someone who can help her prepared. You wouldn’t happen to know of a good criminal lawyer do you? I’m afraid I’m more of a contracts man myself”

“Thanks for that. Please give them this number. Thank you. I’ll wait for a call”

He hung up the phone even more depressed than he had been. The DA was not going to be able to help Liz with her preparation. Something about other big cases needing all their attention. Hopeful a decent Criminal Lawyer would give him a call soon. Charlie waited nearly an hour before his phone rang again. He recognised his Father’s number.
“Hi Dad.”

“Sorry about that. Bad news I’m afraid. Liz got Served. Well, more than that. She’s been subpoena’d to appear as a Defence Witness. Oh, and they’ve changed the trial date to the 4th on next month”

“Yeah. A hostile witness. She’s also been sued for millions in damages and reported to the INS”

“Yeah. Not a good day. It is a shame this happened on the day we broke ground on the house so everything was going well, then this…”

“Yeah, I phoned Jake and the legal team. Then I called the DA. Fat lot of good they are. Do you know any ‘hot-shot’ criminal lawyers who would be interested in prepping Liz for the trial?”

“Yeah, I know it is short notice but the change in date has really screwed everything up”

“Thanks Pops. I’ll talk soon”

He had hardly terminated the call before the phone rang again. It was the legal department at the magazine.

“Hi John. Did you get the email ok?”

“Great. What do you think?”

“That is good news. Well, that is one problem out of the way. Just let them try that one on in court.”

“Yeah. They are more of a problem. I think we should come East sooner rather than later. Probably no later than the weekend. My father is looking for a decent Criminal Lawyer to help with Liz’s briefing.”

“Yeah, we’ll need to get the documents returned from Bennett & Kowalski for the prep. I’ll arrange for the all the documentation to be sent over from London as soon as possible”

He sighed.

“Yeah, we broke ground today. All this happening at the same time is a real downer to put it bluntly”

“Speak soon John. Bye”

A slightly happier Charlie left the trailer home and made his way back to the building site. Liz was nowhere to be seen so he walked up to the top of a nearby rise to look for her.

He saw Liz & Billy almost half a mile away in the bed of a dried up stream. Billy was digging a hole.

With a slight smile on his face, he headed towards them.
He had only walked a few yards when he heard an ominuous rattling. He stopped and looked down. There was a rattlesnake sunning itself in the early spring sunshine. This brought home to Charlie that he was not in New York or even on Long Island any longer. Living out here was going to be a very new experience to him.

He eventually made his way to the streambed and walked up the dry wash to where the pair were peering into the hole.

“What’s up?” asked Charlie as he arrived.

They both turned to greet him with a smile on their faces.
“We found water” said Liz pointing into the hole.

He peered into the hole and could only see a slight dampening of the dirt.
“I don’t see any water”

Billy sighed and stepped into the hold and shovelled aside some loose dirt.
After some 10 seconds or so, a small puddle of muddy water appeared.
Billy covered it up.
“Is that enough?”
Billy laughed.

Charlie looked at him strangely.
“Out here Charlie this is a lot of water. It needs properly digging out but there should be more than enough for your home and animals” he paused slightly.
“Unless you are one of those people who just has to shower at least 5 times a day?”
Charlie was about to answer when he saw that Billy was joking. He realised that he didn’t really fit in with the rest. He was wearing a pair of neatly pressed Chinos and an equally pressed White Shirt. Liz was wearing a very well worn Denim skirt and a fairly old top. Billy wore faded denim jeans.

“Ok. Ok. I get the message.”
He decided to change the subject.
“I had a close call with a Rattler up on the ridge”

Bill gave a small laugh.
“There was really nothing to worry about. They are just waking up from hibernation. They need the Sun to warm their bodies. Then they need to feed. Only then will they become dangerous”

This was of little comfort to Charlie but he saw the reasoning in Billy’s argument.

Billy marked the spot of the water source and then filled the hole in once more.

“Was the water where you suspected it would be?” asked Charlie.

“Yes. Right where I predicted” Replied Liz with the emphasis on the word predicted.

“Well pretty close. We dug here as the soil was less rocky but the real well will need to be dug out with a JCB.” She added.
The two men looked at her strangely.
Then Liz realised what she had said.
She grinned.

“JCB is the English name for a Back-hoe digger. It is named after the company that makes them”

Everyone laughed as they walked back to the building site.
As they climbed out of the bed of the stream Billy said quietly to Charlie,
“Liz told me that she has been served with some legal papers and that she has to go to New York to give evidence at the trial. Is this true?”
“Yes I’m afraid. We will have to leave very soon”
Billy nodded his understanding.

Then he said
“All of us here will be rooting for you both and hoping that he gets found guilty and that both of you come back soon.”

[To be continued in part 18]

Funny Business - Chapter 18, The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

Well, here we go. This is the final part of my story. I hope that all the loose ends get wrapped up. This is quite a long piece so please bear with me and read through right to the end.

---

Jake was waiting for Liz and Charlie when they arrived at JFK. His limo took them to a ‘safe house’ that was used by the magazine when important people came to town.

Waiting for them at the house was the man who was going to put Liz through virtual hell for the next seven days. He was fairly tall and judging by his grey hair, probably in his early 1960’s.

“Liz, Charlie, I want you to meet Wendell Holmes. Mr Holmes is a notable Criminal Attorney based in LA. He is here to prepare you for the trial” said Jake as Wendell and Charlie shook hands.

When then introductions were over, Wendell said
“I just wanted to meet up before we get down to business tomorrow. The next few days won’t be enjoyable. Far from it. To be frank, unless I make your life a virtual hell then you will surely suffer when you get into the witness box. If you aren't prepared thoroughly then the defence attorney will be well worth the $800 per hour they are being paid.”

He swallowed and looked hard at Liz.

“If you really want to get this man convicted you and from my so far fairly cursory reading of the case, it is only your testimony Liz, that can do that with any certainty."

He looked at Liz once again to see if she was taking all this in.

"If you break down on the stand then he wins and everything you have done will be for nowt.”

Liz, who had been only vaguely listening to Mr Holmes, suddenly gave him her full attention upon hearing the word ‘nowt’.
He smiled when she saw her change in attitude.
“Behind this smooth LA façade is a Barnsley born Tyke. I went to the same school as Geoffrey Boycott and moved to LA when I fell in love with a PAN-AM Stewardess on a flight from LA to London some 30 years ago.”

She recognised the bits of his Yorkshire accent amongst his obvious west coast lilt.

She smiled back.
“As you might guess, coming from Barnsley, I’m a sort of no-nonsense kinda guy. My working class background is very much built upon a lot of straight-talking. Some clients can take it. With these I get along fine. Those that can’t handle the truth, well, they soon find alternative representation.”
Liz smiled and looked at Jake.
“Hey, don’t blame me. Charlie’s father suggested that we call Wendell in.”

Wendell smiled.
“Wendell is my American name. I was born John and was naturally called ‘Sherlock’ at school. I find Wendell goes down better with clients than John. It sounds a lot more Ivy League than Polytechnic of Central London.”
Liz looked at him long and hard.
She decided that although she might come to loathe him in the following week, he was one person she could grow to like in the long term.

After talking a bit with Liz on her own, Wendell bade everyone goodbye until the following day and left Charlie and Liz alone with Jake.

Liz sat down and sighed.
“He seems nice.”
Jake was about to say something but Charlie waved him to stop

“What Liz means is that she accepts that the next week or so will be hell and that he is only doing his job.”
Jake smiled.
“I’ll have to thank Dad for finding a Brit to do this job.”
Jake smiled.
“He’s doing this pro bono.”
Charlie was about to say something but that stopped him in his tracks.

“Eh?”
Jake grinned.
“Wendell is a $1200 an hour divorce lawyer to the celebs in LA. Every so often, he puts a little of that back. When he heard that a fellow Brit and a TS at that was likely to be crucified on the stand, he dropped everything and came east.”
Charlie shook his head in disbelief.
“Wendell is in a very private and long standing relationship with someone like Liz. I don’t think I need to say anything else.”

*

The following morning, Wendell arrived bright and early to begin work.
“I’m sorry if I was a bit abrupt yesterday. I will be very blunt with you today and every day until you take the stand. Please understand that it is nothing personal. I’m here to do a job. That job is to stop you from being literally crucified on the stand by the defence attorney. When this is over, I’d very much like us to be friends.”

He paused for a second.

“Well, if you can still stand the sight of me that is?”

Liz had thought about what this would be like. She now understood that is was going to be a lot harder than anything she’d possibly imagined.

The following days were very much a trial for Liz. Wendell asked every conceivable question he could think of about the case. Gradually, Liz was able to make sure that her side of the story was told. There was only one scenario that her training was unable to counter. Both of them dreaded that this would happen but together they did as much preparation for it as they could.

*

On the Sunday before Liz was due to give testimony, Wendell didn’t appear. In his place was his assistant, a beautiful raven-haired Spanish woman named Maria.

“Today, you rest. We go shopping to select what you are going to wear in Court. Then we go to a spa for a facial, a massage and finally, we get your hair done” she said in slightly broken English.

“Eh? What’s wrong with my hair?”
She laughed.
“Sená´ra, it does not present the right image. Sená´r Holmes, he say, you need a haircut and new colour.”

Liz looked at her hair in the mirror. It hadn’t been near a hairdresser in almost a year. The colour was a very vibrant red. She realised that it was hardly the image that a serious journalist should present in court.
She shrugged her shoulders and only slightly reluctantly, agreed to go with Maria.

In the end, she thoroughly enjoyed the day. It was a complete change from the previous day-in, day-out grilling. Maria’s lack of fluency in English was hardly a problem until they got to the hairdresser.

Maria insisted that Liz cut her hair and dye it something more sensible. Liz flatly refused.

“There is no way in hell that I’m having this cut off. All my life I have wanted long hair. Now I have the chance to experience it, I’m not cutting it. Not one inch. Ok?” said Liz firmly.
Maria and the hairdresser got the message.

Then the hairdresser made a suggestion.
“Then the only thing you can do is to wear a wig?”
“But they look awful” complained Liz.

He laughed.
“Not a real hair one darling?”
Without waiting for a reply he left the two women alone.
He soon returned with a cardboard box.
Inside was a black real hair wig.
“This should do nicely,” he proclaimed.
Liz was not sure but went along with him.

He expertly pinned her hair up and covered it with a Wig Cap. Then he fitted the wig in place and set to with the styling brush.
After more than 5 minutes, he proclaimed himself satisfied.

“There you go. You look pretty good if I don’t mind saying so myself.”

Liz stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. She had to admit that the style did suit her.
“Ok, you win. This will do.” She said begrudgingly.
He smiled and said,
“We are not done yet. Your make-up needs to be perfect.”
Maria stepped in and gave Liz a proper make over after carefully removing the wig and placing it on a wig stand.

An hour later, her hands had been moisturised and her nails carefully done. Her facial makeup was completed by a pair of false eye-lashes. They really filled out her eyes and made her look much more as Maria put it, Sexxxy.”

They all laughed but once the wig was replaced, Liz had to admit that she looked better than she had probably ever done. Inwardly, she sighed to herself. This look was really high maintenance. She had neither the time of the inclination to do this on even an irregular basis but for the next few days, this was it. She thanked the team at the hairdressers and even more so, she was thankful to Maria. This was just for being there.

In the taxi on the way back to where Liz was staying, Maria said,

“Do not worry Elizabet. I will come tomorrow and every day until you appear in Court to fix your hair and make-up. Sená´r Wendell tells me so.”

Liz breathed a sigh of relief.

When they arrived at the apartment, both Jake and Charlie gasped when they saw the new ‘all dolled up and ready for court’ Liz for the first time.
She paraded for them in best ‘fashionista’ style saying,
“This is a once only show guys so take a good look now. When we leave here this look stays here ok?”

This made everyone relax and push the events of the following days to the back of their minds.

*

The trial opened and the prosecution made its case. The reporting of the case was virtually unanimous in its condemnation of the ADA and the arguments they put forward. The general opinion of the summarisers on Court TV was that the defence were already halfway to an acquittal. This setback so early in the proceedings saddened both Liz and Charlie. It seemed that even though they had virtually given them the case on a plate and now they were going to screw it up.

The prosecution continued by calling only one of the people the Liz & Charlie had unearthed in their wandering around Europe. They both agreed that this person was just about the weakest of them all. They later found out that they were the only one of the potential witnesses who was prepared to travel to the US at their own expense.

This made Charlie very angry. He was so angry that he and Wendell Holmes spent a good two hours bending the ear of the DA in person. Not that it did much good.

The remainder of the prosecution witnesses were just as ineffective.

On the afternoon of the third day, the defence got its chance to start putting their points of view. They started off with a few character witnesses. At this point, even Court TV tuned out. They did however keep a watching brief on the case waiting for the defence to really get going.

This happened midway through the morning of the fifth day. Liz was going to be called as their last and in their eyes prime witness. Court TV cleared their schedules and the press came in force hoping for lots of juicy scandal.

True to her promise, Maria arrived bright and early to help get Liz ready for her appearance in Court. Together, they spent more than two hours cosseted in Liz’s bedroom.

When she appeared, Liz was far more confident in her pose and attitude than she had been when they came east. She was by now very used to wearing the wig all day. So much so that by now she hardly noticed that she was wearing it. She had however dispensed with the false eye-lashes in favour of some semi-permanent ones that were attached by a salon only a few blocks from the apartment where they were staying. Maria agreed that they looked far more natural and required a lot less effort.

That fateful morning, Liz, Charlie and Jake travelled to the court by taxi.

As they stepped out of the taxi in front of the Court House that has featured in so many TV Series, a phalanx of press surged down the steps of the courthouse towards them. All of them started shouting questions at the trio. Charlie and Jake each grabbed hold of one arm and literally dragged Liz up the steps and into the relative safety of the courthouse.
It didn’t take long for Liz to be called into the courtroom. Less than 15 minutes after the days proceedings began, Liz was called by a Bailiff and with some determination, she entered the court room.

“Please give your full name”. Asked the court bailiff when she’d taken her place in the Witness Box.
“She’n’she Elizabeth Hardcastle.”
“Objection” came the cry from the defence table.

Everyone looked at the lead defence attorney, Ms Janice Warren. She was a highly regarded and thus very expensive attorney from Miami. Her reputation was ‘No holds barred Warren’. Liz had seen recordings of her in action. Everyone agreed that she was a formidable lawyer. She and Mr Holmes had crossed swords many times over the years. She was also his first wife who after getting literally stuffed in the divorce due to her infidelity took a particular delight in getting back at him at any possible opportunity.

“Yes Ms Warren?” asked the Judge, the honourable William Liebowicz.
“Your honour, this is obviously a plan to hoodwink the court. This name is obviously false. She’n’she? Where does that come from? Then there is the name Hardcastle. This witness has the by-line, Elizabeth Fuller.”

The judge though for a few seconds.
“Ms Hardcastle, would you care to explain?”

Liz smiled. This was something that she had gone over the previous week.
“Certainly your honour.”

She opened her handbag and pulled out her British Passport. It was brand spanking new courtesy of a trip to the British Consulate on 3rd Avenue two days earlier.

She handed it to the Judge.

He looked at and smiled.
“Objection overruled” said the Judge after examining it carefully.
“Your Honour?” cried the Defence.

The judge looked over the top of his half-moon glasses.
“Ms Warren? I have ruled. The witness has produced a passport with the name she has given to the court. I can see that it is a British Passport. If you have an issue with it them, then I suggest that you take it up with the Immigration people as well as the British Consulate here in New York.”
There was silence.

He handed it back to Liz.
“Please continue.”

“I She’n’she Elizabeth Hardcastle do declare that I shall give the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.”
“Objection,” cried the defence.
“Overruled,” said the Judge.

“I am going to allow Ms Hardcastle can use the English Common Law oath. After all, the New York legal system is based upon the English System. It is strange but not out of order to use the English oath. As long as the witness tells the truth what do you have to object to?”

Again, the defence attorney couldn’t object to the ruling.

“Ms Hardcastle, or should I say Wayne. You were born a Male weren’t you?”

“Yes but..”
“Yet here you are wearing a dress and make-up. Are you trying to lie to the court?”

“No but…”

“Mr Fuller, why did you concoct the lies you published? Was it for financial gain?”
“No but…”

“Mr Fuller, why are you trying to give the impression that you are a woman? You were born a male. You will always be a male until the day you die. Isn’t this the real truth?”

“Objection” came the cry from the ADA at last.

“You honour, the New York Supreme Court has accepted that transgendered people can appear and give testimony in the gender they have adopted. Baines vs Newcombe, 1984 established precedent. Also, the court has accepted that this witness’s surname is Hardcastle. The defence attorney seems to want to insist in calling her Fuller.”

“I agree with the ADA. Ms Warren. From now on, you will address this witness as Ms, Miss or Mrs Hardcastle In the female gender. Do I make myself clear on the subject?”
Ms Warren grudgingly nodded her acceptance.

Ms Warren changed her attack.
“Ms Hardcastle, are you in this fine country illegally? Is it not true that you were working here by courtesy of a US Green Card? I also understand that you have left the employment of the magazine. This means that you should have left the country some time ago. So, I repeat, are you an illegal alien?”

“No. I’m not”

“Why do you say that? The terms of your green card, which I am sure you understand very well stipulate that you have to remain in the employment for which it was granted. I have evidence here that says you quit your job when the edition of the magazine that made all these false and libellous allegations against my client was published. So, I repeat, are you an illegal alien?”

“No I’m not” said Liz firmly.

“Your honour, I would like you to order the arrest of this witness when their testimony is over and for this person to be handed over to the Immigration service for immediate deportation.”
The judge looked at Liz.
“What have you to say for yourself young lady?”

Liz forced herself to give a little smile.

“If Ms Warren would allow me to answer at least one question properly and truthfully then I will be able to settle this once and for all.”
“Please go ahead. I am sure that everyone wants to know the truth,” said the Judge.

Liz opened her handbag and produced two documents. She handed them to the Judge without saying anything.

He looked at them in detail for over a minute before giving his judgement.

“I find that this witness is not an illegal alien due to the fact that she is legally married according to Massachusetts law. The person she is married to is a US citizen. No doubt there is a change of status with the INS pending as a result of the marriage. The second document is a legal document that covers her change of name from Fuller to Hardcastle.”

“Objection. How can these so called documents be regarded as genuine?”

The judge smiled.
“Because Ms Warren, they are signed by an eminent Judge whom I know very well. The proper place to challenge their legality is in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and certainly not in the state of New York. If you’d like to challenge them in his court then you are most welcome to do so but I happen to know that same sex marriages are perfectly legal in the Commonwealth and the State of New York does recognize the laws of other states just as they do the same with ours.”
There was once more silence after a ruling.

“Ms Hardcastle, why did you make up these lies about my client?”
“I didn’t”
“I put it to the court that you did. You are by your own admission, a failed designer. Was this not one last chance for you to make it as a designer.”

“No it is not.” Replied Liz defiantly.

The ‘Spanish Inquisition’ of Liz by the defence attorney went on for nearly an hour. This was the scenario that all the training she’d received in the previous week had not been able to cover adequately.

Eventually, Liz had had enough. She saw from her body language that Ms Warren was clearly getting extremely frustrated by her inability to break Liz.

She tried one last throw of the dice.

“Ms Hardcastle, you stated in your article that the defendant has copied your designs. Is it not true that in fact, you are a failed designer who has resorted to gutter journalism to make even a semblance of a living. I put it to you that this story is totally fabricated. Is this true?”

This was the opening she’d been waiting for.

Liz turned to the Judge and asked.

“Your Honour, I came into this court and swore to tell the truth. So far all I’ve been allowed to say is just a few one-word answers. If that is the truth then, I’m a monkey’s uncle. I am sure that when eventually the defence has exhausted their arsenal of tricks and innuendo, I will be allowed to tell the truth. If then, the jury decides to ignore it then so be it. But they deserve to hear the truth.”

This caught virtually everyone in the court by surprise.

The judge thought carefully for a nearly a minute.

“I agree. It is clear from the questioning so far that this witness is regarded as hostile by the defence. They have had more than an hour to make their point. My decision is that the witness does deserve their chance to tell the truth rather than just the version that the defence wants us to hear. I’m minded to let the witness speak and then give the defence if opportunity to ask questions. Ms Warren you have had an hour to make your case but so far your questioning has not introduced any new evidence for the jury to consider.”

Then the judge addressed Liz.
“Ms Hardcastle, a number of serious allegations against you have been made by Ms Warren. Are you prepared to not only refute them and also offer solid evidence that directly relates to the charges against the defendant?”

“Yes Sir I am prepared. That is your honour and with your gracious permission you will let me demonstrate the fact that the defendant has stolen my designs and not the other way around.”
“How do you propose this?” asked the Judge.
“Your Honour, I will show you and the jury an item of clothing from my collection in London that was copied by the defendant and used in his Autumn Collection. I will prove that design was copied directly to the court. Do I have your permission to do this?”
The judge remained impassive.

“Yes. Please go ahead.”

“If I may beg the courts indulgence and ask you to grant a 15 minute recess while I prepare the exhibits that will demonstrate the allegations of Copyright Theft and Fraud that have been made against the defendant. By doing so, it will also prove that the allegations of Copyright Theft and Trademark violations that the defendant has made against me are totally without validity” replied Liz quoting some words that had been taught to her by Mr Holmes.

“Objection. Relevance” cried the three defence lawyers in unison.
“What allegations have been made against you?” asked the Judge.

“If I may show you the writ?”
He nodded.
Liz opened her handbag and pulled out copies of the writs that were served on her in Nevada.
The judge read the outline of the cases as stated on the legal documents.
“Ms Warren? Do you know anything about these?” he asked holding the documents.
She approached the bench and looked that them.

“No your Honour,” she said returning them to the Judge.
“Then why is your signature on the bottom of this document?”

“I don’t know Sir,” replied Ms Warren very much on the defensive.
“Then I suggest you find out during the recess and when we reconvene you will then tell the court how your signature came to be on these document you claim to know nothing about. Objection overruled”
The Judge was warming to Liz.

“You might like to do that now. Recess for 25 minutes to allow the defence to get their story straight”
Ms Warren moved to say something but at the last minute, thought the better of it.
He banged his gavel.

“This court is in recess.”

All the reporters dashed from the room to make their reports. Liz looked towards the back of the courtroom. Mr Holmes and Maria were sitting there smiling back at her. He gave her a big ‘thumbs up’. Liz breathed a big sigh of relief.

*

Liz didn’t leave the courtroom along with everybody else. She stayed while two tailors dummies were brought in along with a large case and two ‘flip chart’ easels.
She just had time to grab a quick drink of water and a very brief word with Charlie before the case began again.

The judge began proceedings.
“Ms Warren. Have you gotten to the bottom of the mystery of your signature yet?”
She shuffled some papers nervously.

“Yes I think so your honour. My client asked a junior associate to draw up the documents for service after the trial. By mistake, they were put on my ‘for signature pile’ and once they were signed the process of serving them was left to a contracted out company. As Ms Hardcastle was being served with the subpoena to appear here today, the same process server took them along.”

The judge smiled.

“Then you are admitting that you don’t read every brief and document that comes across your desk?”
“Yes Your Honour” cam the very reluctant reply.

“Very well then. I fine you $1000 for contempt.”
“Your honour” she protested.
“And I will fine you another $1000 if you interrupt this witness again. Do I make myself clear?”
He paused.
“This is my court and I set the rules. My ruling is that Ms Hardcastle will tell the court her story. Then you will have the chance to question her on the evidence she presents. May I remind you to limit your questioning to the actual evidence presented to the court not supposition, hearsay or innuendo. When you are done, it is the prosecutions turn. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes Your Honour” she said sheepishly.

He turned his attention to Liz

.
“Ms Hardcastle, you may begin.”
“Thank you your honour.”

Liz stepped down from the stand hoping that she wouldn’t fluff her lines. Thoughts of a horrendous production of Romeo and Juliet from her school days flashed before her. She’d totally forgotten her lines. This time, she hoped that the hours of coaching would suffice to get her through.

She addressed the Jury.

“You see before you two tailors dummies. I will dress them with two garments. One item has been under seal since they were shown at the Student Fashion Show in London a little over a year ago. The other piece was amongst those seized by the police from the defendant’s place of business in Manhattan at the time of his arrest.”

Liz opened the metal box that was sitting on the floor and extracted a plastic bag clearly labelled “NYPD Evidence”.

This evidence bag contains one of dresses that the defendant showed at his fashion show last October here in New York.”

She took the bag over to the Defence table and presented it to Ms Warren.
“Ms Warren, will you verify that the evidence seal is still intact.”
She looked at the bag and nodded.

“I’ll take that nod as a yes then.”
Liz opened the bag and removed the dress.
“I am going to put in on the dummy but inside out. I am doing it this way so that you can see the construction and importantly, the stitching.”

Deftly, she put the garment on the dummy.

“Now I am going to open the other item. This was sealed in London by a lawyer and signed over the seal. That lawyer is in the court today. If the defence wishes to contest it, he is prepared to take the stand and verify under oath that it is his seal that is on the case containing the dress and importantly, the notarised sketches of the dress that I made some five or six years ago.”
She took a deep breath.

“Do you want the lawyer to take the stand?” she asked the defence team.
They hurriedly conferred about the matter.

“No. We will take the items as sealed.”
“Stop!” cried the defendant.
Everyone looked at him.

“I won’t let this charade. That thing is nothing but a fake. It’s like all those documents. I’ll bet they were copied from the dress.”
The judge banged his gavel.

“Mr Francosi. I take it you are objecting to these items being used in evidence?” asked the Judge.

“You bet I am. Get the fake shyster lawyer on the stand.”

There was a lot of talking in the courtroom.

There was more gavel banging.

“Ms Hardcastle?”
Liz smiled and waved at a man sitting at the back of the courtroom.

He came forward.

Liz went and sat at a spare chair near the Prosecution’s desk. As she did so she gave the ADA a really dirty look. They were doing very little to help her.

The man took the stand.

“Your full name please?” Asked the Bailiff.
“Lord Michael Foggarty Alexander QC”

The judge suddenly sat upright.
“Foggy? Is that you?”
The witness smiled.
“Yes Bart it is me.”

The Judge banged his gavel to quieten the courtroom.

“For the record, I spent a year at Harvard Law School with this man nearly forty years ago. He is a Member of the British Privy Council. That means he gives legal advice to Queen Elizabeth the Second and is a former Lord Chancellor in the British Parliament. For those of you who don’t know, that is the highest legal position in the United Kingdom. It is regarded as the highest and most respected lawyer in that country.”
He looked at Ms Warren.

“Does your client want to proceed with the swearing of this witness?”

“Damm right I do,” cried the defendant.

With a smile on his face, Lord Alexander entered the witness box and took the oath.
“I solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,” said Lord Alexander while holding the bible.
“Please tell the court how you came to seal the case holding the items we are about to see” asked the Judge.

“I was asked by a colleague of mine in the House of Lords, Baron William Hardcastle who is also Ms Hardcastles’ brother. He asked me firstly to witness and then to sign and date some drawings and then to seal the package they were put in again under my supervision. Whereupon, I took them to my office in the House of Lords where they remained until five days ago when they were sent to New York in the British Diplomatic pouch. They remained in the British consulate until this morning whereupon I collected them personally from the Consulate and brought them to the court.”
“Where did this witnessing and sealing take place?”

“It took place in the River Room at the House of Lords in London. Those present were Ms Hardcastle, the Under Sheriff of the Palace of Westminster and Lord Hardcastle. I signed each drawing and also put my seal on them. Then I placed the dress into a clear plastic bag and again sealed it. Over the seal, I signed it. Then everything was put into a hard plastic case. The case was again closed and sealed. I have signed and witnessed affidavits from all those present at that time which I’d like to enter into evidence. ”
“When did all this take place?”
“2nd April last year. Inside the case is a copy of the London Times for that day as well.”

The judge turned to Ms Warren.

“Do you or your client have any more questions for this witness?”

There was silence from the defence.

“Will you please step down and verify that the seals you have told us about are still secure.”

He did just that.

“Your Honour, the seals are still intact.”

“Very well, open the case and remove the contents.”

With Liz’s assistance, the case was opened and the drawings taken out.

“Each one is here with my seal and date stamp on it.”

He took the plastic bag out and examined it.

“This again is as I left it.”
Liz took the bag.

The judge banged his gavel.
“These items are accepted into evidence. Unless the defence has any more objections?”
Ms Warren looked at her legal pad rather than at the judge. The defendant said nothing.

“Very well. You are dismissed. Thank you for coming to New York to perform this invaluable service.”

Lord Alexander smiled at the Judge who covered the microphone with his hand and whispered “See you in my chambers later. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

There were smiles all round between the two old friends.

Liz began again by removing the dress from the plastic bag.

She placed it onto the second dummy.

“As you can see, they look very similar. In fact they are identical right down to the mistakes I made when I made it originally some years ago.”

Liz pointed to one panel.

“When I first made this dress, I messed up the cutting. This meant that I was a bit short of material. This dress is actually made from an off-cut I bought in Borough Market for Five pounds, or some Eight dollars American. There was just about enough to make the dress I had designed. However when cutting out the pattern, I made a mistake and ended up with not enough material for this panel. I had to cut this piece to fit in a different way. If you look closely, you can see the lap of the material on this piece is different from all the rest. Doing it this way, there was just enough room for a single seam to join it with the rest of the dress. On the defendant’s copy, this has the lap of the material identical in pattern to mine and this very same piece is joined by a single row of stitching whereas the remainder of both is far inferior to that of mine. It will very quickly go out of shape. It will also split along this weakened seam.”

“Objection” cried the defendant.

“How can she know the quality of the material from a cursory glance?”

“Ms Hardcastle?” asked the Judge.

“I was about to come to that”

Liz looked at the jury. Two of the older women were nodding their heads. So far so good she thought.

“The material design and weave I made my dress from is one that was produced for a limited edition of dresses made by Alexander McQueen over 10 years ago. Mr McQueen has over the years earned a worldwide reputation for the quality of his tailoring in all his garments. I only learned of this last year at the fashion show where the updated version of my dress was shown. One of the college lecturers is writing a biography of Mr McQueen and he recognised the design of the cloth in an instant. It is the updated version of the dress that you see here. The changes from the original were really cosmetic. The most obvious one is a narrower collar that is cut farther back and a slight deepening of the breast darts”.

Liz carried on with the deconstruction using her sketches as well for some fifteen minutes.

Finally, she wrapped things up.

“The garment you see here is more like something you would by at Wal-Mart rather than a so called Haut-Couture establishment”

“Objection, speculation” cried Ms Warren suddenly awake.

Liz smiled.

“Your honour, it is a matter of public record that the defendant is subject to a class action from former customers of his for bad materials and workmanship”
She paused.

“I also understand that many other top fashion designers have come out in support of the plaintiffs in these cases. I hardly think they would lend their support and more importantly reputation to something that is pure speculation”

The judge made his decision.
“Objection Sustained.”
He turned to the Jury.

“You must disregard that last statement by the witness.”

Liz didn’t mind, she had made her point. She was done anyway.

“Your Honour, I have finished my evidence.”

Liz sat back in the witness box.

The judge saw an opening.

“This court is recessed for 10 minutes. When we resume the defence will continue questioning Ms Hardcastle.”

He banged his gavel.

10 minutes, later the court resumed.

There was a few seconds of silence in the court before the Judge said.

“Ms Warren. Do you or your client have any questions for Ms Hardcastle?”

She went into further consultations with her client.

“Ms Warren?” asked the judge some 30 seconds later.

A few seconds later she rose to her feet and approached the witness box where Liz sat sipping from a glass of water..

“Ms Hardcastle. You claim to have designed the original dress some five or six years ago. Why didn’t you pursue a career in fashion design?”

This was one of the questions that Liz and everyone on her side had dreaded. It was also the one that the supermarket tabloids had gotten completely wrong.

Liz took her time and took another sip of water.

“Ms Hardcastle?” asked Ms Warren.

“You are correct. I was a fashion student. I make no secret of that. I also have to admit that I was not the best designer by any means. I barely scraped through the end of year exams. As to my future lying in the fashion industry? Well, even then I knew I’d never really make it in the big time.”
She took a deep breath.
“All the time I was a student I had been living full time as a woman. Actually, I had been full time since my Sixteenth birthday. Everyone at College knew me as a woman. They knew absolutely nothing about my history. I was happy that everyone treated me normally.”
She took a sip of water.
“One day in the spring of my final year and not long before our end of course fashion show, I was walking home from College after working late one evening when I was attacked by four men. They were intent of having sex with me. When they found out that I was still anatomically a male, they decided to cut my…”

“Yes Ms Hardcastle. I think we get the gist of what happened” said the Judge coming to her rescue.

Liz carried on.

“When I had recovered, it was too far late to complete the year. To be honest, my mind was not on it anymore. I spent the summer recovering and thinking hard about my future. In the end, I returned to the college the following year but I switched to a journalism course I thought that if I was not going to make it as a designer perhaps I could report on it. After graduating, I got a job on the magazine and came to New York some 5 years ago.”

She swallowed hard.
“During my investigation into the defendant, it became very apparent to us that we would have to catch him or his agents in the act of stealing someone’s designs. In order to facilitate this, we used my designs and clothes from my final year that for some reason that I never threw away. The items were made more up to date. This work was performed by a final year student and myself. They were shown in the fashion show as his work. This was all done with the full agreement of the college authorities. The person who stole my designs is sitting there alongside his boss, Mr Francosi, none other than the other defendant, Mr Luigi Camara.”

Liz took another deep breath.

“Our plan to invite the designs to be stolen by the defendant might very well not have worked but luckily for me it did. It if hadn’t we might not be here today”

There was some tittering from the Public Gallery. The Judge quickly restored order with a few bangs of his gavel.

Ms Warren continued her questioning.

“You stated that my client has copied your design. I contend that you are lying”

There was a lot of murmuring. This caused the judge to intervene.

“Ms Warren. You have accepted Ms Hardcastle’s designs into evidence. Are you saying that these are indeed fakes?”

“Yes I am and I can prove it”

Liz was shaking her head in disbelief.

“Ms Hardcastle, you have testified that the items we see before here were in London on 2nd April last year. Do you not find it strange that my client’s premises had a break-in just three days before that. We can supply the police report to the court if needed. I contend Ms Hardcastle that you or your agents broke into my clients offices and stole those designs and then flew to London carrying the stolen goods. Then you made out that the designs were your own. What do you say to that?”

There was silence in the court for a full five seconds.
Liz smiled at the judge and the court. This was a scenario that her training had covered in great detail.
“To be perfectly honest Ms Warren, I have never heard such a load of unadulterated codswallop in my life”

There was a lot of noise from the court.

The judge even managed a small smile before he restored order with his gavel.

“If you insist with this line of questioning, I can supply witnesses who saw my original design all those years ago. I can supply a witness who worked with me to update my designs to what your client stole. Some of these people are recognised designers in their own right. One works for Chanel in Paris. How many people do you want me to present before this court for me to prove my point? Do you want to hear real evidence not some cock and bull story made up by your client?”

Liz was getting a bit angry now.
She paused to calm down.

After a few seconds she continued.
“Oh, I nearly forgot. There is a video and a few dozen still photographs I have of your clients right hand man, namely Mr Camara photographing my designs in London. These were taken less than a week before the fashion show. What do you say to that? I’m sure the court would be very interested to see it.”
Ms Warren started to reply but Liz was in full flight.

“Your client stole my designs and tried to pass them off as his own. That is theft and fraud. Your client is a fraud and a thief. He stole designs from all over Europe and for a time, managed to successfully pass them as his own. This is wrong and one of the reasons why we are here today with him tried on Federal Felony and Money laundering charges. May I also remind you that there are extradition warrants waiting to be heard from France, Switzerland, Italy and of course Great Britain. These are all in relation to the actions of the defendant and his employees.”

“Objection” said Ms Warren.

“Ms Hardcastle. Please confine you to answering the questions being put to you” said the Judge.

“Objection sustained.”

He addressed the Jury.

“You are to totally disregard that last statement by the witness.”

“Objection” cried Ms Warren.

“What do you object to? I have just ruled in your favour”, asked the judge.

“This testimony has been one lie from beginning to end and should be stricken from the records and this witness be held in contempt for lying on the witness stand.”

The judge smiled and banged his gavel.

“Ms Warren. It seems to me that you have been outsmarted. You called this witness and plainly it has backfired on you and your client. I might have been a bit more favourable if Ms Hardcastle had been a prosecution witness. You called her and obviously hoped to gain some advantage. Ms Hardcastle has clearly outsmarted you. Her testimony stands. Objection overruled.”

He turned to the DA.

“Any questions for this witness from the Prosecution?”
“No your honour.”

The judge seemed to agree.

“Ms Hardcastle, you may step down. Thank you for presenting your case so forcibly and professionally.”

With a big sigh of relief, Liz stepped down from the stand. As she did so, several people in the court broke out in applause. The judge let it go until she left the courtroom.

Outside the courtroom, Charlie and Jake were waiting for her. Liz and Charlie hugged each other.

“Well done my darling. You really put it to them” said Charlie.

Jake waited patiently for the pair to finish their embrace.

Mr Holmes and Maria came up to them.

Liz saw that they were holding hands. Her mouth dropped open.

“You did very well my dear” said Wendell.

He added.

“It seems that all my training was worth it. For that I am very happy. Now we must fly. Literally. We have a flight to LAX to catch. Don’t forget to come an see us if you are ever in LA.”

They left the other three standing on the corridor outside the courtroom watching in amazement.

It was Jake who broke the silence.

“There are quite a few TV crews outside. Do you fancy giving them a statement? If not, we can try to leave by the side exit?”

Liz thought for a second.

“Nope. Let's go out the front door give them a statement. I’ve nothing left to hide have i” she replied smiling.

Hand in hand with Charlie, they headed for the exit. This was a new self-confident Liz. So she should. There was really nothing more to hide.

As Jake had predicted, at least a dozen TV crews were waiting outside for Liz to appear. The trial was now very big news in not only the Fashion Press but also in virtually the whole of the mainstream media.

As Liz answered their questions diligently on the steps of the Court Building, Jake stood back and watched the crowd of people milling around.

He noticed a couple of grey suited men standing a few steps away from the crowd watching Liz intently.

Jake was a born and bred New Yorker. He knew two ‘Feds’ when he saw them.

Their dark sunglasses gave the game away. The day was overcast with a hint of rain in the air.

Slowly, he sidled up to them.

“I take it you have an interest in Ms. Harcastle?” he said quietly.
“Push off buddy,” said one guy as he flashed a badge.
Jake saw the letters “BCIS” on it. This was the government agency formerly known as the INS.
He moved away and caught Charlie’s attention.

“There are two guys from Immigration waiting for this to finish” said Jake quietly.

Charlie saw the two men who at that point in time decided they had waited long enough and moved forward flashing their badges.

They literally barged on TV cameraman out of the way and stood in front of Liz.

“Elizabeth Fuller, I’m here to arrest you for a violation of your green card. I have a warrant for your extradition and you will be on the next flight to London”, said the taller of the two men.

As this point, Charlie stepped forward.

“Before you do anything rash and in full view of the media, I would like to suggest that you check your facts. You are responding to allegations from a man who is on trial inside this very courthouse. This is nothing more than a blatant attempt to intimidate a witness.”

The normally reserved Charlie was now in full flow.

He continued.

“If by a green card violation, because she quit her job with the Magazine that sponsored her in the first place then, you are very much mistaken. Liz is indeed no longer employed by the magazine but is a consultant for their parent company. Furthermore,”
Charlie smiled at Liz and took her hand.

“If you had even bothered to ask us about this situation rather than acting on purely spiteful allegations, you would have found that Liz and I were legally married in the state of Massachusetts. She has moreover already applied for a change in status of her Green Card due to her marriage. I can produce the receipts for the application from your office in Las Vegas” He paused.

“Oh, and by the way, I’m her attorney as well her husband.”

There was no immediate reaction from the two men. The TV Crews were capturing this latest twist in the story. At least six channels were broadcasting this live to not only the US but to the World.
“We will gladly accompany you to your offices where this can be cleared up but if you mention the word arrest one more time, I will go right back inside the court house and get an injunction against your intention to deport my wife and client before you can go more than a block. I will also file wrongful arrest charges and request punitive damages not less than $1 Million for defamation.”

He took a deep breath.
He was about to continue when someone else barged their way to the front of the very attentive crowd.

It was Charlie’s mother. She glared at Liz.
“You monster. You abomination. You have stolen my son from me. Take this. May you rot in hell.”
Without hesitation, she threw a jar of red paint in the direction of Liz.

Charlie just managed to pull Liz out of the way. Some of the paint hit a TV Journalist of some renown right in the face. Some also splattered off a TV camera and landed clearly on the face of one of the INS agents.

This spurred them into action.

The handcuffs appeared and before anyone knew it, Charlie’s mother was on the ground with one of the agents roughly pulling her arms behind her and slapping the handcuffs on.

Any thoughts they may have had of arresting Liz was soon forgotten as the roughly pulled her to her feet and marched her away.

Just then, Charlie’s father appeared on the scene very much out of breath.

He realised he was too late.
“Are you two ok?” he asked.
“Yes Pop” replied Charlie.
“Why don’t you go after Mom?”

To Charlie’s amazement, he shook his head.
“No son. She has brought this all on herself. Let her get another lawyer. She is going to need one. I filed for divorce this morning. She’s been seeing the Tennis Coach at the Country Club for a couple of years. She thought I didn’t know but I knew almost from the start. With Liz standing up in court today, I decided that I’d had enough of your mother’s ever more crazy antics. I gave her the papers this morning. I supposed that finally pushed her over the edge. I followed her into the City today but she gave me the slip at Grand Central Station. Lets get the hell out of here. I can fill you in on the gory details later.”

Liz reached out and hugged Charlie Sr. Then she gave him a little kiss on the cheek.
All this was done in front of the TV cameras.

This was definitely Liz’s 15 seconds of fame.

*

On the other side of the Atlantic, in a sitting room in Leicestershire and in an office at the House of Lords two people stood up and cheered loudly.

*

Then Jake brought everyone back to reality.
“Come on, let’s all get out of here before this turns nasty.”

The four of them evaded the ring of TV Cameras and journalists with microphones and headed down the steps towards the road. Jake went ahead and hailed a cab.

The first yellow cab to stop was thankfully a people-carrier. They all piled in and they left the courthouse behind.

Twenty minutes later the cab drew up outside the ‘Brownstone’ where they’d stayed since their arrival in the City.

Once safely inside, Liz tore off the black wig and let her pinned up hair down.
“That feels better” she remarked as she kicked off her heels as well.

Jake appeared with a bottle of Champagne and four glasses.

“What is this in aid of?” asked Charlie Sr.
“The wonderful display put on in court by Liz” said Jake smiling broadly.
“It is a shame I missed it” said Charlie Sr.
“Don’t worry, I recorded it all off ‘Court TV’. You can watch it later” he replied.

Charlie appeared from the bedroom. He’d taken his suit off.
“The next time I wear that will be either at a funeral or a wedding.”

Both Liz and Charlie Sr. laughed.
“Hey, what’s so funny?”
“I can see that Liz has had a real positive affect on you. Once upon a time, and not all that long ago, you wouldn’t even consider going out without a suit on even if you did drive a Porsche” said his Father.

Charlie thought for a moment.
“Well, those days are behind me now.”
He took a champagne flute and added.
“Thankfully. I suppose was rather a boring person wasn’t I?”

Everyone laughed.

Jake made a phone call and not long afterwards, an old colleague of Charlie’s arrived.

“Hi Stewart” he said when the man was shown into the sitting room.
“Hi Charlie. Nice to see you again. You look well”
“Thanks. You don’t look so bad. Gina been feeding you well I see?”
Stewart’s ever expanding waistline had been the standing office joke for sometime. His Italian wife was a fantastic cook and he loved her food.

Stewart wiped the smile off his face.
“Jake asked me to come over and sort out the little problem that Liz is having with the INS.”
“Great. I have all the papers ready for you,” said Charlie ushering Stewart into the dining room. He needed to deal with them to avoid any problem due to the little white lie he’d told on the courtroom steps.
Liz was already fast asleep on the couch. The exploits of the courtroom, the steps outside and a couple of glasses of Champagne had proven too much and literally two minutes after she sat down, she fell fast asleep.

*

The next day, the weather had turned to steady incessant rain. Liz went out and bought a sketchpad and sat by the window drawing the land around their new home in Nevada.

Just after midday, Stewart returned with the news that the BCIS had dropped any case they thought they might have against Liz.

Right at the end of the day, they also received news that Charlie would not have to testify so they were free to go home. It was likely that the jury would be sent out for their deliberations the following Monday morning after the Judge had summed up the case.

After a celebratory meal that night, Charlie and Liz flew back to Nevada the following morning. Charlie Sr. stayed on at the flat for a few days while he sorted out somewhere to live on a temporary basis.

During the three flights west to Reno, both Liz and Charlie had time to read all the reports on the trial and the episode on the steps outside. The coverage in ‘Time’ was especially sympathetic towards Liz.
While they waited for their connection in Chicago, a middle-aged woman sitting next to Liz in the departure lounge said,
“Boy, she has got some guts. Going through what she has gone through and standing up like that to the bullying in Court. Boy, I’d love to meet her some day.”

Liz smiled at Charlie who was sitting opposite. He shook his head slightly as if to say don’t do it.

When their flight was called, they got up to head for the gate. As Liz got up, she whispered in the ear of the woman.

“That woman in court you admired so much? Well, you just met her. That was me in the witness box. Thanks for the compliment. You don’t know how much it means to me. Thank you.”

Liz grinned at the woman and left her with her mouth hanging wide open wondering if she could believe the attractive red-head who had just been sitting quietly next to her for the last half hour.

*

They both felt exhausted by the previous week and the travelling so they booked into a Casino Hotel in Reno.

Liz slept for a little while and then headed for the Casino. True to form, Liz won at a few thousand dollars at Blackjack. Then she got bored so she gave the dealer a tip and looked around for something else to interest her.
The next game to fall to her ‘ability’ was craps. Her winnings soon topped $10,000 so the called it a night probably to the relief of the Casino staff.

She crept back into bed alongside Charlie who was fast asleep. Liz fell asleep with a broad smile on her face.

When they returned to the building site on the reservation, all the workers stopped work and clapped Liz.

“Why are they doing this?” she asked Anders when it had died down.

“This is because of your magnificent appearance in the courtroom. We all watched it that evening. You were brilliant. You deserve an Oscar.”

Liz shook her head.
“I certainly don’t want to do that again thank you very much.”

Those around her laughed at that.
“Anyway, I’m home now. How have things been getting on since we left?”
Anders smiled.

“You had better ask Joe. He is firmly in charge. He is not taking any lip from the workers. Then he buys them all a beer in the evening so I guess he is ok.”

Liz felt happy inside at her choice of Joe to be foreman. It was solely based upon the fact that he had been a Sergeant in the Army. He might not have known the building industry but he sure knew how to get people working.

Liz & Charlie soon found Joe, sitting on top of the site Office roof surveying the scene and talking into a walki-talki (walkie-talkie).

He gave the thumbs up when he saw the couple.

He talked a bit more and less than a minute later, a back hoe digger came over and Joe descended to the ground standing in the digger’s bucket.

“Welcome back. I wondered what the commotion was a few minutes ago.”

She smiled.

“You did great in court by the way”

“Thanks Joe. How are things getting on? Anders aid that you were in charge.”
He smiled.
“Sergeant Joe reporting Ma’am” he replied giving a mock salute but with a cheeky grin on his face.
Liz thought to herself that the change in him since he went to England was pretty dramatic and totally for the good. She made a mental note to tell Kat when she called her later in the day.

“Actually Liz, things are getting on fine. We are ahead of schedule by more than a day. The soil was much easier to dig out than we’d thought.”

He paused.
“The loose conglomerate bedrock does mean that the supporting walls and stuff will have to be stronger though.”

To Liz, it didn’t matter. They were home.

The icing on the cake was a phone call from Jake later afternoon on Monday. The verdict was in. All the defendants had been found guilty on all charges. The jury had taken just over an hour to reach their verdict. Everyone was very happy.

*

Six months later they moved in to their new home and settled down to married life together after an ‘opening ceremony’ that was attended by Bill, Kat, Jake and Charlie’s father as well as many of their neighbours from the reservation.
The house was really one huge room with a number of smaller rooms leading off it. These included the 4 guest bedrooms and a passageway that lead to the stables/garage/workshops that were literally on the other side of the hill under which the whole thing was buried.

Charlie did as he promised and started making furniture for the house and then for sale. Liz’s paintings adorned the walls of the house as well as the Reservation Offices.

The following year, she had an exhibition of her works at an Art and Furniture Gallery in Los Angeles under the ‘She-n-she Hardcastle’ name. Every single one of her pictures sold for a five figure sum.

She did have a little inside help as the Gallery was being now managed by Charles’s father who had left his native New York and his now divorced wife after 35 years of marriage far behind him.
The Gallery was also an outlet for the unique furniture that Charles produced in very small quantities when he had a mind to make some.

Liz used her talents with animals to great effect. She broke in the two ponies they owned and they both rode out several times a week. She also helped out on the Reservation when animals got into trouble. Barbed wire injuries were the most common call upon her time. This work gained her many admirers on the reservation.

Several families on the reservation have built similar houses when they found out that their heating bills for a whole year was in the region of $60.00. The ground water heating system was a complete revelation to the people on the reservation.

[The end…]

Well, not quite.

One afternoon in the spring of their third year living in the house, they had a visitor.
“Hello Al. What’s up?” said Liz when he got out of his pick-up.

He smiled at her.
“Do you remember the first time we met?”
“It was a day I’ll never forget. You read me straight away” replied Liz smiling. Any anger at that had long gone. Al, Billy and Joe had all become firm friends.

He laughed.
“Yes. I did didn’t I? I also said that people like you have a special place in our society.”
“You did indeed. You have all made us very welcome since we came here.”

“We are pleased that you did. This place is wonderful. Many of us are building homes like this now. You have been an inspiration to us.”

“Thank you. Yes. Anders is very busy these days. He told me last week that a tribe in Canada has hired him to build a meeting hall.”
She smiled at him.

“But Al, you didn’t come over here just to tell me that. So, what is it you want?”
He looked a bit uncertain for a few seconds.

“It’s about the rá´le of special people like you in our society. If you remember, I said that in past times, others like you would look after the children.”
“Yes I remember”
“Would you and Charlie be prepared to foster a child?”

You could have knocked her down with a feather.
“Me? Us? Why?”

“It appears to me that you two deserve a child in your life.”
Liz thought for a moment.

“I honestly have never given it a thought. Well, certainly not since my operation. Why do you bring this up now?”

“One of my patients gave birth to her eighth child last week. She can’t cope with four let alone eight. Billy and I wondered if you would foster the baby boy”

“I’m sure we could do it, but I can’t help get the feeling that there is something else?”

Al smiled.
“He’s going to be like you. He has the aura. He is going to be like you.”
Liz beamed a smiled.
“Why the hell didn’t you say so before,” said a beaming Liz.

Three days later, their life was complete with the arrival of ‘Al the Stork’ with their new son.
That evening they sat outside their home watching the setting sun with Liz cuddling the newest member of their family.

As the sun slowly dropped behind the hills in the west, she said to Charlie.
“It’s nice here isn’t it?”

Charlie didn’t need to reply verbally. He just kissed his wife and new son.

[The End (Really)]