There you stand in your compassionate manner
Desperately coaxing me to tell you what troubles me
Soothing me with words to never fear, you will always love me

I stumble with false starts, to find the words I masterfully planned
Words that abandoned me to avoid the conversation just as I have
With deep breath, I recall the number of times I have tried to tell you

The number of times you have given me that look in hopes this would be the time
A look that I will never receive the same way from you again
A look that I wish I could preserve through to the end of time

With a sharp intake of air, I do the impossible
I blurt the words that come to mind in all of their glorified disarray
I see it in your eyes and sudden stop in breath that you understand

In the chaos of words the point came across
I forget to breath, my mouth runs dry, and my insides decide to twirl
Your compassionate face goes to that of a poker face

My heart starts pounding causing my head to swim
I want to fix this somehow. I try to explain
My vocabulary serving little value to explain complex emotions

As my voice washes over you, I see the poker face cracking
With hope that I am helping I push on with the end all phrase
“I’m sorry”

At this the poker face is destroyed, replaced by that reserved for evils
You lash out in retaliation in what I have said
I do what is needed of me. I take it, all of it
The curses, the threats, the hatred, the fear, the confusion, and the regret
Every bit of it I endure showing no expression

My insides have all but been heaved out
My mouth a desert and my heart beating so fast it is a monotone
But my face shows nothing

My heart and mind feeling wrung out and stomped on
But my face shows nothing

My eyes burn with the desire to cry
A single tear falls, betraying my facade
At sight of the tear you burst into sheer outrage

I endure more of your punishment and torture
More tears fall but my face still portrays nothing

After an eternity, you run out of steam.
Collecting your breath for another round
I prepare for the assault but it does not come

You just glare directly at my eyes
With a single twinge in my eye expression
Everything changes, you realize just how far you went
Not knowing what to do you walk away without a backwards glance

Here I stand alone and broken but with a treasure
I am not afraid
You did your worst and I am still standing

I see your questioning look for the millionth time today
You see me sitting and thinking for no apparent reason
Deep in thought over something clearly troubling me

With your disarming humor and nonchalant attitude, you put me at ease
I hate to have to do this to you
Killing who you think I am just to replace it with an alien
My words fail to come out of my mouth despite my lips making the motions
Finally my voice starts somewhere mid sentence
Just as the main issue is being said
You smirk, of all reactions you simply smirk
I anticipate the write-off of “what do I know”
Or thinking I am simply joking with you
I curse myself for being so sarcastic to you all the time
However, you saw in my face something I thought I hid
We have grown up together and know you how to read me
You can see the importance of this topic to me
With a graceful snort you say the single greatest word ever spoken
“So?”
You love me for who I am, and that will never change you say
I have underestimated you and your love for me
However, I have never felt more cheated
What felt terrifying and huge is less than water under the bridge between us
Telling you was easier than saying it to an empty house
I love you for that and hope we never lose this bond

We see each other every day
Every day we forget the world together
You let me show a side of myself I dare not show anyone else

We laugh at our troubles and cry at the little things
Never once have we questioned our close friendship
We share thoughts and dreams, interests and fears
There is but one thing I do not share with you
I tremble at the thought of talking about it
I pray to the stars that you will not leave
You are my only true friend

You see in my eyes a barrier between us
A feat we both thought impossible
You encourage me to open up
I can tell you anything about me
Anything, except this
We share tears for the pain
Mine for fear and sorrow
Yours for sadness and support
Your eyes shimmer with sincerity
Your all too familiar face authentic

I take the plunge, risking everything
Rehearsed in my mind over and over
The words just flow off my tongue
With each word, my relief and fear growing
You let me finish my thoughts, giving me a second to collect myself
Opening your mouth to respond I panic
But only words of love and support are spoken
You thank me for finally sharing this with you
You know me all too well
Even this I could not hide from you
Your previous suspicions now confirmed
Bringing us closer in an indescribable way

Time has done nothing but strengthen our bond
Something like this never stood a chance