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Prelude
In the summer of our eighteenth year, four months before we entered our freshman year at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, Ami Daishi and I spent the day with a group of future supermodels enjoying Disneyland. I was euphoric because I’d got to drive Ami’s brand new Porsche Boxster, which had been an obligatory graduation present from her father with whom she was not on speaking terms, to the Magic Kingdom.

Ami’s folks lived on separate coasts and Hana Shannon used to fly to New York City to take care of business for her company, DaishiWorks, and to visit her husband who owned a spacious penthouse apartment in one of Manhattan’s pricier buildings. As a result Hana’s trips, Ami and her sister Jun lived with my mother and me for extended periods of time. Ami and I shared a room and Jun stayed in the smaller room next to my mother’s bedroom.

Ami and I spent the majority of our high school years together growing to become more a couple of sisters than merely best friends. I know everything about Ami, and she knows most things about me. What she doesn’t know is that I used to sneak Girl Scout cookies and Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia ice cream. But don’t tell her. Please?

Anyway, this is the story of Ami’s life as told through my eyes. And I don’t know anyone who is better equipped to tell you about Ami Daishi than me her best friend.
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Introduction
My name is Meghan Louise Johnson and I should start off by telling you that I absolutely adore the Internet. It was on the web that I learned about The Future Supermodels of America and it had become one of my most favorite chat rooms of all time. It was there that teen-aged girls could send out digital pictures of their various prom gowns and holidays dresses to get an honest critique in a positive manner from other girls.

The group facilitator was Elizabeth Goode (she was twenty-five years of age and not much older than many of the future supermodels) promised that the Magic Kingdom soirée would be an experience no one would soon forget.
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Chapter 1
Monday, April 2, 2001

It didn’t surprise me that I received confirmation that Ami and I would be among the girls chosen to partake in the Disneyland affair. We would officially be among the group of Elizabeth Goode’s “goode girls”.

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To: Meghan Louise Johnson
From: Elizabeth Marie Goode
Subject: Future Supermodels of America Day at Disneyland

Dear Meghan,
Congratulations, dear! You're one of the twelve girls I've chosen to partake in “The Future Supermodels of America Day at Disneyland”. All my girls will have the chance to enjoy the magic kingdom in a whole new way… through the eyes of an up-and-coming future supermodel!

Just think of it! Cameras flashing all around you taking your picture. Why, you might ask, do they want to take my picture? Well, merely because you have the look of the girl you’ve always dreamed you could be. You are a future supermodel of America!

The most fun of it all is that this will be happening to you right inside the boundaries of one of the happiest places on earth! Just think of the memories you’ll acquire!

Because you’ll be part of our in-crowd, I have implemented three simple dress code rules for you to follow:

1. No touristy clothing such as cut-off shorts, tee shirts and the like, please. Mouse ears will be okay but you will be required to wear a black designer mini-dress of your own choosing.

2. Your mini must be at least eight-inches above your knee. Bust-line modesty will be left to your discretion. Show as much, or as little cleavage as you wish.

3. You must wear black pumps or sandals with a minimum three-inch heel although you and I both know that the higher the heel is the more gorgeous your legs will appear to your adoring fans!

Disneyland has given me permission to conduct a photo shoot inside the park and they will bill all of “The Future Supermodels of America” as being Elle magazine contest winners. Pictures taken during our soiree will appear in the magazine in next year’s June issue. You will be remunerated if your photo is chosen to be part of the layout.

Photographers — some you will spot right away… others will catch you unaware — will be snapping your pictures throughout the day! So, I have instated another simple: When you see a camera, smile!

Aside from all of this, the only thing I can say is that I hope that you have a wonderful time at Disneyland with me and the other future supermodels. It will be a chance to meet in person and chat with those you have been talking to online. Sounds marvelous to me and I hope it sounds marvelous to you too!

To receive your complimentary tickets, including a free luncheon in your honor at The Blue Bayou Restaurant, meet me in front of the House of Blues complex located at Downtown Disney no later than 9:30am on Saturday, May 12, 2001!
I am looking forward to finally meeting you in person!

Until then…

Adieu, Arivaderci, Adios and Aloha!
Mrs. Elizabeth Marie Goode
GoodeGirl Enterprises

ps

If you need a good place to find a designer dress at a reasonable price, check out Noir Vestire. They are located in Hillcrest across the street from Pyramid Books on University Avenue and Vermont Street. They’ll give you a great deal! Just tell them that Elizabeth sent you!

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As I read my email to Ami I said that it sounded like a lot of fun. Ami said that although the whole thing sounded nice she was perplexed by the complicated list of rules and regulations. She was also mystified as to how anyone would want to subject herself to wearing a mini-dress and high-heels to Disneyland.

When she turned on her computer a letter identical to mine was in her goodegirls.com account. She read the letter again to herself and began talking in a whining little girl voice. When she talked whiny like that it usually meant that she was feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

“How could you sign me up without first asking me, Meghan?”

“I knew it would be fun, sweetie.”

“I don’t now. What if I… uh… what if we don’t live up to Mrs. Goode’s criteria? What if…”

“What if? Sweetie, come on. We’ll have fun. Besides, we’re guaranteed a free day at Disneyland! What do we really have to lose?”

“I don’t know… maybe our dignity. When was the last time anyone had any fun at Disneyland wearing a little black dress and stiletto heels, Meghan? We’ll be amusements. People will be looking up our dresses trying to see if we’re wearing panties or not. Besides, it’ll be creepy.”

“But think of the excitement!”

“Excitement?”

“We just might get to be in Elle magazine!”

“In a place like Disneyland, you’re supposed to dress like a tourist having a lot of fun not like some little princess hamming it up to get her picture in an over-hyped fashion magazine. Don’t get me wrong, Meghan, I love showing off my body… you know that… I just try to keep from doing that when I’m trying to enjoy the climb up Tarzan’s Tree House. Stilettos just aren’t for climbing trees, you know.”

“Come on, Ami, it won’t be that bad. Besides, isn’t your mother always telling you that there’s a first time for everything?”

“Yeah, but…”

“Ami? This has got to be the ultimate once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, don’t you think?”

“Uh…well…”

It took me a little more time to sell Ami on the idea of parading her beautiful body around Disneyland, and when she finally gave in I spent the next couple of days reinforcing the fact that this was going to be fun.

Needless to say, it worked and Ami warmed to the idea. From that point on, there was no curbing her enthusiasm. She was a girl bent on one mission: to be the best damned future supermodel that ever visited the happiest place on earth.
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Chapter 2
Friday, April 27, 2001

The week leading up to our trip was occupied with finding the perfect dress. Ami suggested that we purchase identical garments and I thought that that was a good idea. We searched several stores but eventually found ourselves at Elizabeth Goode’s first recommendation, Noir Vestire, a clothing salon in the Hillcrest area.

Noir Vestire wasn’t exactly what Ami and I expected. It was more! The boutique took a Henry Ford approach to marketing. The customer could acquire any item of clothing she desired as long as it came in black. And since black was the only color stocked in the boutique we sought out our dresses and found one that we both liked. We bought a few items aside from our dresses and took them home with us. However, we had to come back for the dresses the next day since the store didn’t have two size-twos.

When we did get the dresses home we slipped them on and checked ourselves out in the mirror. After we were sure that we liked what we saw we dabbed on a little makeup and asked my mother to take a digital picture of us. I sent Elizabeth an instant-message and she e-mailed me a reply faster than I ever thought possible.

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To: Meghan Louise Johnson
From: Mrs. Elizabeth Marie Goode
Subject: You are absolutely, adorably sexy!

Dear Meghan,

I love your look and Ami’s too! You are absolutely and without a doubt the two most divine creatures that I’ve ever laid my eyes on! The dresses are adorable, but you girls are what make them what they are! Have you ever modeled together? I ask this only because you really could! You’ve got a look I honestly believe that no one can resist.

Identical dresses? Marvelous!

You should expect many more girls similarly attired when you arrive at Disneyland on Saturday. Some girls might even be more daring, but I definitely love your look and Ami’s!

Adieu to you!
Elizabeth Marie Goode
GoodeGirl Enterprises

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We were fifteen-years-old when my mother christened Ami and me “twin sisters”. And why shouldn’t she have done so? We were, after all, nearly the same height, the same weight and wore the exact same dress size, We even had identical hairstyles. When it came right down to it, we really should have been natal sisters... clones, maybe!

Ami and I were Christmas babies born one minute apart on separate sides of America. Ami was the first to arrive, delivered by the hand of second-year pediatrician Doctor Sandra Hart at 6:30am in San Diego. I was born at 9:31am in New York City thousands of miles away.
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Robert Shannon met Hana Daishi when she was a junior at Patrick Henry High School. She had been a hostess at the Old Globe Theater in Balboa Park on the day he attended Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.

Robert was four years Hana's senior but they fell madly in love and married two days after her graduation. Hana gave birth to her first child on her eighteenth birthday. Jun was born a year after after her sibling, also on Christmas Day.

Robert Shannon was in Law School throughout much of his girls’ formative years. His law studies kept him from spending much time with Hana and his kids.

When he got an internship as a law clerk he briefly moved his family to New York City but they moved back to San Diego when the law firm required his expertise in regional entertainment law.

Robert did so well with the San Diego assignment that he was moved back to New York City but Hana remained in San Diego with her children while they finished their education.

Throughout much of middle school Ami flew to New York frequently to see her father. Oftentimes she would go with her mother and little sister, but most of the time she went alone.

Ami's trips to visit her father were terminated shortly after her sixteenth birthday and she hadn’t seen her father since.
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Ami is naturally much prettier than me. Her gleaming raven-black hair had reached to the small of her back at one time and barely concealed a butterfly tattoo that is identical to mine and defines our eternal sisterhood. Here eyes are a pretty brown somewhere between topaz and cinnamon and her complexion is an olive-tinged alabaster.

Our friends chastise Ami because of her skin but I believe that she is the most incredibly adorable and sexy human being that I know and certainly much more alluring than any of them.

Ami has a body that seems more a cliché than flesh-and-bone reality: she measures 34-24-34; she stands 5’6” tall; she is a natural D-cup; she is totally blemish-free; and she looks smashing in a bikini or out of one.

Even when she indulges in her absolutely favorite Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream she never gains a pound. Ami adores ice cream just about as much as she adores her mother.

On the other hand, I’m a Heinz 57 girl with a very liberal dash of soy sauce. I am, in this order: Irish/Scotch/Japanese/Kenyan/Welsh. Now how’s that for internationality? Is that even a word?

My hair, which is auburn when I don’t dye it. Mine also touches the small of my back and you can barely see my tattoo either.

My complexion is marred by tiny freckles, which I hate with a passion. My mother says that they are the Irish in me but I just wish that they’d go away. My eyes are nutmeg in coloration and my lips are full and pouting, doubtlessly due to my African heritage. My skin is a light mocha almond.

I also absolutely adore ice cream. However, if I just think about eating as much of it as Ami does I would literally become a cow on the spot. You could get out your stool and milk me on the spot! As a consequence, I have to watch how much Ben and Jerry’s or Baskin Robbins I eat. I’ve been able to maintain my one-hundred-ten-pounds-soaking-wet physique only by watching what I eat.

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Chapter 3
Saturday, May 12, 2001

Our trip from La Jolla, where we lived, involved traversing Interstate 5 north through Oceanside, San Clemente, Irvine, Mission Viejo and other assorted cities. We’d encountered the most traffic in what is frostily known to area commuters as The Merge, a stretch of highway that involves the joining together of Interstate 805 and Interstate 5 near Del Mar. Summer fair-goers, north county dwellers who work in the city and those who frequent the racetrack especially loathe this concrete pain-in-the-ass.

It took us nearly forty minutes to clear the merge and we instinctively knew that we’d run into our next slowdown near San Onofre where there is a checkpoint to catch Mexican aliens who may have made it past the border officials.

Traffic did bog down as we passed through Oceanside, a city known for its Devil Dogs who subsist around the Camp Pendleton Marine Corps Base. The most common vehicle we encountered was the SUV. I guess owning and driving something that big makes up for the registered owner’s lack of organ size. I saw one and called it a penismobile and Ami broke out laughing hysterically. I love to hear Ami’s Laughter.

When we cleared the last transition ramp from Oceanside, I glanced over my left shoulder and noticed two uniformed Navy lieutenants in one of those penismobiles giving us the once over. They were actually giving us more than a look-over. They were ogling us but Ami didn’t know it because she was sound asleep and snoring up a storm.

I had the convertible top of the Boxster down and the wind was wreaking havoc with our hair and our clothing. Unfortunately, Ami slid a little too low in her seat. Her dress had scooted up to mid-thigh and was blowing over her tummy. Needless to say, her dress wasn't covering much of lower torso. I nudged her in her side numerous times trying to wake her to no avail.

I heard a wolf whistle pierce the roar of the freeway traffic noise. I caught a glimpse our admirers again and they were flailing their arms animatedly in our direction. I tried to lose them in the heavy traffic but they kept popping up from out of nowhere. As we are approached the checkpoint we had been neck-and-neck for about five minutes.

The sailors were yelling something, but it was hard to hear them.

Soon, the one closest to me produced one of those animated sign thingies and stuck it to his window with suction cups. It was one of those kyron-type gadgets with red letters that seem to float across a black background. Some of the letters were blinking of and on. Yeah. You know what I’m talking about.

A message materialized:

NICE THONG... THANK YOU LADIES!!!...

The word nice was the one flashing off and on.

The sign man folded his hands and bowed his head in prayer to me but mostly he was worshiping Ami. The cute one who was driving nodded his head up and down but was being careful not to run his SUV into the car in front of him.

The sign man was pointing to Ami who was still unaware of anything going on around her. Since the seats in the SUV was much higher than ours, he was staring directly over my shoulder. Basically, he could see every inch of Ami’s wonderful body.

In the fury of torrential wind, Ami’s panties, her tummy and every inch of her thighs was now clearly on display to the lieutenants. Even less fortunate for Ami was the fact that her thong had bunched to one side with most of her labia was now plainly in view.

I nudged Ami and she woke up, startled. “Wha…what’s up?”

“Your dress is. I tried to get your attention but you kept mumbling that you didn’t want to go to school or something like that.”

Ami was still half asleep and didn’t know what to say. When she gained semi-cognizance her immodesty became apparent to her. By the time she was fully awake, her admirers were still next to us and she blushed redder than I had ever seen anyone blush before.

Ami punched me sharply in my ribs and I yelped like a puppy.

“Thanks a lot, Meghan. I thought you were my friend.”

“I am, honey.” I flashed her my famous poutty look. “I’m sorry.”

“You could have at least covered up my pussy.”

“I tried, honey. I tried to pull it down to your knees but it's just so windy.”

Ami started crying and eventually fell back to sleep.
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The lieutenants were ordered to stop at the checkpoint by a border patrol agent. I guess the patrolman didn’t like what he had seen. Maybe he just wanted to check out the school-bus-yellow Lexus. I saw them park and step out into the parking lot while they reached into their pockets to produce their identification.

Ami woke up a half-hour later and she apparently had forgotten about her porno incident. Everything seemed fine and she wasn’t mad so I said nothing about it. She probably thought that she just had a bad dream. I, however, would have a nice bruise on my side that would to be hard to explain later.

Funny thing, when I looked down at my lap, I was showing off just as much of me as Ami had shown to the seamen earlier.

Ami tugged at my dress. “What’s up with you, girl? You trying to give the boys a show?”

We both started giggling. Boy were our dresses were short!
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We made a scheduled stop in Irvine because I knew that Ami would need to use the ladies room. I knew I sure did. Besides that, we didn’t need to be at Disneyland for another hour and fifteen-minutes. We had plenty of time.

Ami scurried off to use the restroom and joined me after our hostess had seated me at our booth.

I thought she had went into the restroom but she reappeared and whispered something to a waitress. Both of them got a gross look on their faces. As Ami approached our table I could tell by the look on her face that she was nervous.

“These freaking dresses make us look like we’re going to a hookers’ convention. We certainly don’t look like we’re on our way to Disneyland.”

As she sat down at the table, Ami squeezed her knees together in an attempt to try and hide her lack of modesty.

“The dresses are kind of short, aren’t they?”

“Heck, yes!”

We went back and forth on the briefness of our attire and when I couldn’t wait any longer I said, “I’ve got to use the potty, Ami. Was the restroom over there by the door?”

Ami’s face wriggled.

“Yes. But it’s flooded, and it smells really gross in there. I almost ruined my new shoes in the gunk on the floor.”

“I don’t care, I’ve really got to go, sweetie.”

As I negotiated the path to the ladies room, one of the bus boys had finished a mop-up and had just reopened the facility.

One of the stalls had an OUT OF ORDER sign on it and there were two other girls waiting to do their business.
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When I got back to Ami, I slid into the booth next to her.

We always ordered the same thing at Denny’s: a BLT and a large Pepsi. Diet. With plenty of ice. I would have preferred a Diet Vanilla Coke but this place only had Pepsi and no vanilla-flavored soft drinks at all.

“It’ll be cool, Ami. We’ll gain notoriety, if not for the dresses, then for our extremely good looks and beauty. I bet that we’ll have the time of our lives!”

I put my arm around my best friend.

To those who observed us we might have seemed a couple of lesbians, but we always set together in restaurants. That way we can each get the same view of any boys who might gavotte past us. Besides, it was easier to nudge each other in our sides when we were on the same side of the table. Sometimes we’d grab hands just to make the old ladies frown.
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We began to talk about how we thought that our day might progress. That our dresses were ultra-short and we had to make sure our legs were together to risk putting ourselves on display was a moot point. Our necklines were cut so that our cleavage was almost totally exposed. You could just about see our nipples. Thank heaven for demi bras!

“Do you really think they’ll let us into Disneyland looking like this, Meghan? Don’t they have a dress code or something?”

“Elizabeth said she had it all covered…”

“I don’t know, Meghan. I had a dream that men were ogling me all over. It was like they were taking off my panties and it… it was freaking spooky. You were there with me, too. I think we were in my car...”

I quickly changed the subject before Ami put two and two together and realized that that wasn’t a dream at all. I reminded her that Elizabeth told us not to worry about our attire. She assured us that many of the girls would be wearing items of similar and, perhaps, even more brevity, but I really didn’t believe her.

“After all, Ami, we're future supermodels!”
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As we finished our Diet Pepsi and BLTs, Ami seemed a bit more self-confident. I paid the waitress using my brand new VISA card. My mother had given it to me for when I was away at college but today I felt like splurging.

“The snack’s on me, Ami! I’ve got us covered.”
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We wandered back to Ami’s Boxster, got in and I again put the top down for the remainder of our excursion.

We were drawing our share of attention from almost every man who was northbound on Interstate 5. Every time a semi-truck driver liked what he was seeing he’d slow down and let his horn do his talking.

A car full of college boys was just about to careen off the highway after glimpsing our way.

Good luck, boys!
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Chapter 4
The second leg of our trip took forty-minutes. We were to meet as a group at Downtown Disney in front of The House of Blues Restaurant to receive our tickets. This new area of the Disneyland complex had only been open a couple of months and we thought it would be crowded. We weren’t wrong!

It didn’t take long for our group future supermodels to find each other and start congregating at the meeting site. I introduced myself to each girl. I had shared pictures with all of them online. Ami hugged each of her on-line friends.
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While we got acquainted amongst ourselves, park patrons wandered aimlessly about us dressed in their touristy clothes. Shorts and tee shirts. Flip-flops. Big mouse-eared hats and baseball caps with Goofy on them. That’s the way we should have been dressed but, instead, we looked as if we’d be more at home walking the catwalks of Milan touting sexy club clothing for the daringly young at heart. We were certainly doling out more than our fare share of skin.

A strikingly beautiful woman sauntered into what was the middle of our crowd. Although none of us had met her personally, we realized immediately that it was Elizabeth Goode. She looked more glorious than her picture on the Internet. Her gorgeous black hair and piercing turquoise eyes lent credence to the old adage that a thing of beauty is a joy forever. She looked as if she’d been born blessed and would go on being young and beautiful for the remainder of her years on planet Earth.
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Our hostess began to call off our names from a roster of twelve girls. As she called each girl's name, a young man dressed in a black Armani suit presented us with our passes. Both the man and Elizabeth retained two tickets and we realized she'd only called ten names.
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We headed toward the gates of the park which lay beneath the train station just past the floral Mickey Mouse. As we waited in line it was announced over the public address system that a group of supermodels would be wandering the streets of the kingdom. The announcer said that taking pictures of the girls was encouraged and that anyone who snapped shots of the girls in the short black dresses would have a chance to be published and given credit in the June issue of Elle magazine.

It was also announced that President Bush’s wife would be enjoying Disneyland with her daughters that morning. Consequently, we had to pass through several banks of metal detectors. Each guest was patted down just in case he or she was carrying a pair of nail clippers, an emery board or something similarly dangerous.

Luckily for Ami, the other supermodels and me, most of us had left all that stuff at home. The most dangerous thing any of us might have had on our persons, aside from our hairbrushes, was our lipsticks. I could just see it:

BARBARA BUSH, LAURA BUSH STALKED. GIVEN DECENT MAKEOVER.

Sure. Right. Like it was really going to happen.
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As a result of the security announcement, Ami, who was already nervous about the brevity of her dress, started to whimper. When she found out that some Secret Service Agent, albeit a female Secret Service Agent, would be patting her down, she just about threw up. The thought of being critiqued by some g-person made her want to cower in the corner like a little girl.

“It’s all right, Ami. You should have seen it when Momma and I flew to Arlington, Virginia last year. This has to be a cakewalk compared to that. We were in line for nearly two hours because several prominent Senators on board. By the time we made it through the metal detectors and we had blisters on our feet the size of ping pong balls. I would have given a million dollars to have these puppies back then…”

I reached for my pump, unbuckled its strap and made like I was about to remove it. As I did, Ami smiled.

“You’re not just saying that to make me feel good, are you Meghan?”

“Me? Hah! No way, babe! Besides, you look too adorable right now and this stupid little search thingy will be over before you or I even know it.”

“I must look like a cry baby.”

I wiped her eyes with my handkerchief.

“No, sweetie. We all cry sometimes. Besides, you look like a million bucks and I’m not just pulling your chain either.”

Ami smiled.
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When we finally made it inside Disneyland we began our walk down Main Street, USA. We decided as a group to get to Tomorrowland before the crowds so we could ride Space Mountain a couple of times. But, as promised, people began snapping our pictures as we walked by them, just as if we really were supermodels. That slowed us down a bit.

While we were walking I heard someone say she thought she had just seen Meryl Streep and I giggled to myself. A smirk lit up Ami’s face too. Maybe the woman had really just seen Laura Bush with a halfway decent face!
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We slowly filtered down to subgroups of twos, so that boarding the rides would be much simpler. Ami and I spied Elizabeth running our direction holding the hands of two last girls.

At the rate she ran to catch up with us, anyone else would have been out of breath. Certainly the two girls were. We stopped and Elizabeth introduced them to us.

“This is Jody Hansen and Victoria Russell. They’re from the San Diego area too,” she said looking directtly at Ami and me. “They're supermodel numbers nine and eleven respectively. They had limo trouble and just arrived in time to get into the park with us!”

It was kind of catchy, Elizabeth calling us supermodel such and such. I was supermodel ten but Ami was supermodel one. Elizabeth ranked us by the number of emails we got amongst ourselves. Ami was by far the most popular girl so, naturally, she won top spot.

“Hi Jody! Hi Victoria!” Ami and I said together. We added that it would be fun to get to know two new friends from our neck of the woods.
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Jody Lynn Hansen lived at Mission Valley’s River Run in a condo directly across the parking lot from where we lived when Momma and I came to San Diego thirteen years ago right before we moved to La Jolla. Victoria Elaine Russell lived in Crest fairly close to Ami’s maternal grandparents. Both of girls were seventeen years old and they really did want to become supermodels. Each had a body and a face that would allow them to accomplish their goal. Ami and I were just here to have fun.

Victoria looked a lot like Kate Moss only with a little more meat on her bones and Jody bore a striking resemblance to Britney Spears. Given her hair styling and the clothing she wore, she could be a dead ringer for the pop diva, but then again, couldn’t any young blonde girl these days?

Ami and I introduced ourselves and they complimented us on our appearance. They were wearing dresses that were a bit longer than ours, but not by much. They were showing just as much cleavage. Both girls constantly complimented Ami on her hair, her eyes and her body. Ami just blushed.

Elizabeth Goode had business to do and couldn't join us until lunch time. She reminded us of the complimentary luncheon held in our honor at The Blue Bayou Restaurant at noon. We said goodbye to her and promised to be there.
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One fellow followed us around Disneyland taking pictures as we moved along Main Street, USA. He wore a navy-blue Tommy Hilfiger shirt and coordinated khaki shorts also by Tommy. His camera bag sported the familiar red, white and blue flag logo. He was probably, we concluded, a staffer for the Disney Company and I immediately began dreaming of the money we might make if Disney wanted to use our photos for publicity purposes.

Then I thought about the handsome young man. Lord only knew what our stalker was wearing beneath his clothes. He probably had a wardrobe of Tommy undies and the thought of seeing him in his unmentionables breezed through my mind as I looked him over. I also thought about how nice it would be to see him in the altogether.

He was Asian but I couldn’t make out whether he was Japanese, Chinese or Vietnamese. His blue-black hair glistened in the sun and he had a pleasing smile that was the whitest I had ever seen. His muscles were well-chiseled and his legs betrayed the fact that he worked out religiously. I truly believed that I could fall in love with him.

He asked me if I’d take some pictures of him with Ami. I agreed as he gathered the girls around him. He asked me to take several pictures but Victoria eventually changed places with me so that I wouldn’t feel left out. We had to stop taking pictures because people were bunching up around us impeding the progress of the horse-drawn trolley.

“My name’s Kaz Kurosawa,” the young man said as the crowd started to disperse and we moved to the sidewalk next to the ice cream shop. “What’s yours?”

His attention was clearly focused only on Ami. I don’t believe he was trying to be rude to the rest of us, but he asked the question again this time looking her straight in the eyes. “My name’s Kaz, my beautiful lady. May I ask you what is yours?”

“Ah… Ah… I’m Ami,” she stuttered but finally got her name out. “My name is Ami Daishi. Are you a photographer? I mean, of course you are, but are you a professional photographer?”

“I guess that you could say that, Ami Daishi, but you’ve got to be the most beautiful girl I’ve ever had the privilege to frame!”

“Frame?” Ami looked puzzled.

“That’s what I say when I take someone’s picture. It’s like you’ve been framed and you’re ready to be shown to the world. And, Ami Daishi, I’d really like to frame you some more. You are absolutely and without a doubt the most ravishing lady I’ve laid my eyes upon!”

“But you didn’t take my picture, Mr. Kurosawa. Meghan and Victoria did. You haven’t framed me yet.”

“You’re right,” Kaz said. “Would you do me the honor of letting me frame you now?”

Ami blushed but took her place in front of the ice cream shop. Her blushing quickly turned into one of the prettiest smiles I’d ever seen part her lips. I had to agree with Kaz Kurosawa, given what she was wearing, her yummy body, her gorgeous face and her wonderful hair, Ami was one hundred and fifty percent desirable, and probably was the most beautiful woman anyone had ever framed before. But then, I’d always had a crush on her. Please don’t tell her or the other girls.

When he finished taking his pictures of Ami, he took her hand in his to shake it. He didn’t let go. Kaz smiled as Ami swooned. While he was still holding her hand, he pulled a digital printer from his Tommy bag, printed the pictures that had just been taken and handed them to her. He also handed a picture to each of us and asked me to take a picture of him and Ami alone. Again, I obliged.
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Kaz Kurosawa checked the digital display of the five mega-pixel camera and printed out what he considered to be the best of the pictures of him and Ami.

“You have great potential to be a photographer, Meghan,” he said. “Have you studied photography?”

“Well… No.”

“You really should. Ami Daishi looks breath-taking in these shots, wouldn’t you say? And you were the one that framed her and me.” He winked at me and her.

“Thank you!” I beamed from ear-to-ear.

“Thank you,” Ami echoed me.

Kaz Kurosawa gave her a kiss on her cheek and began to leave, but lingered a bit. I suggested that he stay and enjoy his day in the park with us. “You’ve been so kind to us, sir, and I know that Ami would love to get to know you better.”

“Sir?” Kaz played with me. “No. My name’s Kaz. Sir is my father.”

“Good to meet you Kaz!” I said as I started to laugh. “Please join us.”

As Kaz kissed Ami’s hand, we pleaded for him to stay. It didn’t take much to convince him to accept our invitation. We resumed our walk toward Space Mountain.
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Ami was definitely enjoying the whole experience and flashed me a bewildered, anxious look. As she did, Kaz Kurosawa took her into his arms and gave her another kiss, this time it was a full and definitely luscious one on her soft lips.

“You are a most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, Ami Daishi.”

Now Ami would be the last to tell anyone this, but I knew that she was eating the whole attention thing up. Of the four of us, she, so far, had been the only one to apparently land the big one. Even though there wasn’t a contest going on, she could truthfully be crowned a winner.

I suppose that Ami appealed to Kaz Kurosawa’s taste in women. However, I believe that no one can honestly resist Ami’s charm, her demeanor or her personality. Those things drew the gentleman to her side.

“Thank you, Meghan. I’d love to join all of you.” His teeth sparkled when he talked.

“Well then, Kaz, these are my friends Jody and Victoria. You’ve obviously have met Miss Daishi! She’s the shy one.”

“It’s my pleasure to meet all of you beautiful young ladies.”

We melted into a huge sigh as he kissed each of our hands and believe me, the pleasure was all ours.
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There was no separating Ami from her new boyfriend. If he wasn’t holding her hand, his arm was around her waist, brushing the small of her back. Ami enjoyed every minute of it.

Ami hadn’t dated many boys and it’s not that anyone wouldn’t die to go out with her, mind you. She’d just never found the time. Maybe Kaz Kurosawa’s charm would be the stuff that would finally win her over. In any case Kaz Kurosawa was now the fisherman and Ami was his prize-winning catch that had just found her way to his hook.
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“There’s one thing you girls should know,” Kaz said as he studied each of our faces and we sighed. “I’ve got an appointment at one o’clock so that means that I must leave around lunchtime.”

Ami’s cheery face saddened and she began to pout.

“That only gives us three hours together and there’s so much to do.”

“Then, I suggest we get to it,” Kaz said exuberantly.

Since we were now standing in front of Space Mountain, we jumped in line and rode the attraction. Ami and Kaz kissed as we made our way through the snaking line.

Because of the configuration of the cars, this would be the first time that Ami had ever sat closely between a man’s legs. It would be a whole new experience for her. She sat in front of him and he behind her. He wrapped his arms around her midriff and she cupped her hands over his.

The ride was over in a little under two minutes. After we acclimated ourselves and exited the attraction, Ami excused herself and said that she had to use the ladies room. She grabbed my hand and we ran toward the restroom door.

“Isn’t he dreamy, Meghan?”

“You bet he is, Ami. And he likes you!”

“Yes. I think that he does!”

“How did you like the ride?”

“Well, having Kaz so close to me was like when Daddy and I used to roll the ball to Momma when I was little. But halfway through the ride I felt something poking at my bottom. I know it wasn’t Kaz’ hand because I was holding his the whole time.”

“Kaz was just enjoying himself, sweetie.”

“What do you mean, Meghan? We were both enjoying ourselves.”

“Yes, but Kaz was really enjoying himself. When a man likes a woman very much things happen that he has no control over. Kaz likes you very much!”

Ami got a surprised look on her face.

“You mean he…”

“Yes, honey. Kaz was having an… unh… an erection.”

“Yuck! Why would he do that Meghan?”

“He likes you, Ami.”

“Yuck. I like him but does he have to…”

I repeated what I had said to her. “Kaz likes you Ami. He can’t control that part of himself all of the time.”

“Oh? Then I shouldn’t think he’s a perv or anything like that?”

“No, Ami. He’s just a man. And plain and simply, he likes you!”

“Oh? Really?” She said sheepishly. “Okay! Because I know that I could grow to love him!”

We both started giggling and when we found our friends they were at a refreshment stand buying a half-dozen frozen bananas. Kaz handed Ami one and Jody handed me mine.

“You two are certainly in good spirits!” Kaz was smiling at Ami and quickly interlocked his fingers with hers.
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Kaz suggested that we head over to Sleeping Beauty’s Castle and make a wish in her enchanted well. When we got there he gave each of us a quarter and we tossed them into the waters below but Ami still had hers in her hand.

Ami whispered in my ear while she was still holding Kaz’ hand.

“I wish for time to stand still so that this day will go on forever!”

I didn’t know if that is possible but I knew just what she meant. And I couldn’t blame her either.
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After made our wishes we headed for the Matterhorn. We ended up standing in line close to thirty minutes. My sister future supermodels and I wished that the line would move a little faster but Ami didn’t seem to mind the wait a bit. About twenty minutes into our wait she leaned into Kaz, put her arms around his neck and began kissing him like they’d been together forever. I’d never seen Ami kiss a boy before that day and I was totally amazed by her attraction to Kaz Kurosawa.

When we got into our bobsleds, Ami smiled. Her fingers, interlocked with Kaz’ and she showed no signs of losing her grip. Since everything was going smoothly with her new boyfriend, she looked forward to the ride.
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We hit all of the E-ticket rides that weren’t closed for repairs. When we had conquered the mountain rides we ended up on “It's A Small World”. Since she and Kaz got to cuddle all of the way through the attraction Ami christened it the most wonderful ride in all of Disneyland.

Jody, Victoria and me? We entertained each other by singing It’s a Small World After All in Goofy, Mickey Mouse and ET voices. We made fun of the cute little baby dolls but Ami didn’t seem to mind our racket. Neither did Kaz. Ami’s head was on her boyfriend’s shoulder and I swore that I could hear her purring.

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Chapter 5
It was eleven-thirty and Kaz made the cheerless announcement that he had to think about leaving us. It was evident that he wished that he could stay the rest of the day and enjoy Ami, but his important engagement with Elle magazine bade him go. We accompanied him to the entrance of the park and Ami never let go of his hand.
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Before he left, Kaz asked us to wander off to The Emporium because he wanted to take Ami into a shop called The Kingdom Jewels. He asked us to give him a little time alone with her.

When they returned, Ami was wearing a Mickey Mouse locket encrusted with real diamonds and surrounded by a twenty-four-karat golden heart. She had a matching ring on her finger.

Now I know it might sound a little cliché, but Ami literally did have stars in her eyes. She was off in gaga land. All I can say is that Ami’s was the most beautiful ring and necklace I had seen given that it was Mickey Mouse. I thought to myself that the whole ensemble must have cost Kaz a small fortune.
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The last thing Kaz did was to locate a flower stand near the exit gates of the park. He bought a yellow rose for Jody, Victoria and me. We somehow lost the rest of our sisters in the park.

“This symbolizes our budding friendships,” he said.

Then he presented Ami with a dozen of the most beautiful scarlet-red long-stemmed roses any of us had ever seen.

“This is for love, Ami Daishi. I hope that I can see you again real soon.”

Kaz took Ami’s small hand into his and kissed it gently. He then took out his personal business card and wrote something on the back of it. He turned the card over and circled one of the numbers, writing another one beneath it.

“This is my cell phone number, love. And this is my personal home phone number. I give it only to those whom I love. I hope that you will call me.”

Ami really was blushing and not holding back her tears in a successful manner.

“I live in Beverly Hills, Ami. I know that it is a bit far from San Diego so I’d love to come down and see you there some time soon.”

Ami was speechless and it was evident that that she was crying because her mascara was running down her face.

“Maybe we can take in the Zoo or SeaWorld. I’d really love to see you in a string bikini enjoying the shores of La Jolla with me, my love.”

“Meghan and I am moving to Las Vegas in a few months. Maybe you could… unh… help us move?” Ami batted her cinnamon eyes at him and I could see him melt.

Kaz was quick in his answer. “Only if you let me take you and Meghan to the beach and out to dinner in a few weeks. Then I’d be happy to help you move to Vegas.”

Kaz put his arms around Ami’s shoulders. “I’d do anything for my girl.”

Ami giggled and put Kaz’ card in her purse.

“Well, my love, you’ve got my number. Give me a ring this week and we’ll make plans.”

“I will, Kaz.” Ami thought to herself for a moment and added, “But I’m really not very good with telephones. You can ask Meghan about that!”

I nodded my head up and down as if to say: Yes. She’s shy. Very, very shy.

Kaz took her in his arms and gave her a kiss. She obviously liked it because she looked as if she would melt into a pool of sugar at any moment. The girls and I watched them say their goodbyes. I dreamed that I was in Ami’s place and if I were I would absolutely be melting into a pool of sugar too.

They finally let go of each other and Ami was crying puppy dog tears. Kaz threw her one final kiss and she blew one back to him. She stood there until she couldn’t see him anymore. She asked me to go with her to the ladies room and I obediently followed my best friend there.
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“Wow! Is he dreamy or what?” I said as I smelled Ami’s gorgeous long-stemmed roses. Yes, these ones really did smell like roses and they were wonderful.

“Yes, he is, Meghan. But I’m scared.”

“Sweetie?”

“What if he finds out about my secret?”

“What secret, Ami?”

“You know. What if he finds out about my body?”

“Huh? I’ve seen you a bunch of times as you dressed at home. Honey, there’s not a thing wrong with your body. Most girls will gladly kill to look like or even be as sexy as you are every day of your life. All of us girls have our little blemishes we’d love to get rid of but God, I wish that I could look as good as you do.”

“Thanks, Meghan. You’re a sweetie, but you know what I mean. I’m so inexperienced with boys… with men… and I’m afraid I might say something that will make Kaz repulsed just being around me.”

“How could Kaz ever be repulsed being around you, Ami?”

“You know, Meghan, when he finds out about my past he’ll just hate me. He’ll think I’m a perv. I know he will.”

“What’s it that your momma always says, you’ll have to cross those bridges before they burn up in front of you? If you don’t cross this bridge you may never get a man as dreamy as Kaz again.”

“I know, Meghan, but I’m scared.”

“You don’t have to be scared, honey.”

“What if I lose everything?”

“You can’t. I’ll all always be there for you. I’ve never turned my back on you and I never will. Heck, if I didn’t have you as a friend I’d never get to drive that beautiful Porsche Boxster of yours!”

Ami smiled and we hugged.

“I’m grateful that you’re my friend, Meghan. It’s just that Kaz is a boy and, well…”

“You used to be one yourself?”

“Unh... right... that’s…”

“That’s the bridge you burned up behind you a long time ago, honey. You’re one hundred percent girl now. Don’t go building an I-used-to-be-a-boy bridge. Besides, Ami, I don’t believe you ever truly were a boy.”

“I was. I unh… I used to have a... unh... you know...”

“Yeah. Sure. You had that birth defect but when were you ever completely and totally a guy? Your gynecologist says you have normal girl parts and your eggs will become babies some day. So come on, sweetie, be truthful with me; when were you ever truly male?”

Ami thought about that question and couldn’t come up with an answer. The only time that being a boy came into issue was with her father. She looked down at her locket, kissed it and smiled.

“I suppose this… unh… no… I suppose Kaz is worth the risk.”

“Yes Ami. He is. No matter what happens though, remember what I said: I will always there for you. Kaz doesn’t know about your boy history. If it ever comes the time that he needs to know about it he’d be a fool to think you weren’t anything but a charming and sexy woman now. If he needs to know and doesn’t accept you because of it we’ll have to take it one step at a time. If that happens… and I really don’t believe it will… it will be an entirely new bridge for you to cross but I’ll be there for you.”

Ami’s tears were easing and she gave me another big hug. When her eyes dried, I helped her reapply her makeup. I figured that we must have been in that restroom for just about a half an hour but a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do, doesn’t she? And Ami is a friend I never want to lose.
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Chapter 6
We met up with Victoria and Jody in front of The Main Street, USA Fire Station. By this time it was only the four of us and the two San Diego girls had found the Chip and Dale characters. They were giving them a hug when they saw us and they started waving.

After paying our own homage to the Chipmunks we climbed the stairs to board the E.P. Ripley, a steam train that circles the happiest place on earth.

“Come on girls!” I said. “We’ve got to meet the others in New Orleans Square!”

“Yeah!” Victoria said. “Wait until they get a load of these roses.”

All I could think was wait until they get a load of Ami.
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When the train stopped at its New Orleans Square Station, we saw a queue of girls in black mini dresses heading in the direction of The Pirates of the Caribbean. The Blue Bayou is next to the entrance and a part of the restaurant had been cordoned off for our supermodel group. As we approached the doors to the restaurant, Elizabeth Goode was there with her roster in hand checking off the names of each girl as she passed by.
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“Well just look at you Ami! Now where did you get such a beautiful bouquet of flowers?”

Victoria spoke out of turn.

“Ami’s got a new boyfriend, Mrs. Goode, and he bought her these roses.”

She acted much more like a twelve-year-old than her actual seventeen years. Victoria took Ami’s hand and extended her ring finger toward Elizabeth.

“He got her this ring and this necklace, too. She let me and the other girls try on the ring but our fingers were far too big.”

“Oh? A boyfriend, huh?” Elizabeth Goode sounded just like Joyce Banner, our high school homeroom teacher.

“I didn’t plan on it, ma’am,” Ami said in her shy little girl voice. “It just kind of happened. I’m sorry…”

“Sorry? Honey, you don’t have to apologize. I think that it’s absolutely wonderful that you’ve attracted the attention of a young man. Let’s have a talk about your new beau soon? I can email you or we can talk on the phone... that is if you’d like to.”

“Yes ma’am, I would!”

Elizabeth Goode gave Ami a hug and we all proceeded to find our table.
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Looking around the restaurant, the seats were reserved at several tables with name tags marking each girl’s assigned place. Elizabeth had a seating chart in case any of the girls decided to change places. She had ordered the seating so that we would get a chance to meet more of the group.

I was at a table with three other girls, Annie Rogers from Los Angeles, Danielle James from St. Louis and Celina Martinez from New York City. Ami and I sat back-to-back and were only separated by the serving aisle. Jody and Victoria were at the other table, separated, of course.

Each of the tables had a fifth open seat that would eventually be occupied by Elizabeth Goode as she floated about the restaurant like a bee gathering bits and pieces of information about all of her girls.
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“So is he a good kisser?” asked Barbie Baker — a girl about our age from Portland — who, by the way, really did look like Ken’s girlfriend. “You didn’t have to show up with a dozen roses for all of us to know that you caught a boy, Ami. He must have enjoyed your kisses.”

Apparently, the news had traveled as fast in Disneyland as it did in our Internet chat room. Chelsea Winters had seen Ami kiss Kaz and she told another girl and soon almost everyone of the future supermodels knew that my best friend was on the verge of becoming an item.

“You do know who Kaz Kurosawa is?” Veronica Marie Owens from San Antonio asked Ami.

“Yes, I do. He’s a photographer, obviously, and he makes very good money. He told me that.”

Ami was playing with the locket that hung around her neck as it occasionally grazed the tops of her breasts. She was enjoying her bouquet of long-stem reds that the waitress had put in a vase of water for her. They were sitting in the middle of the table. Doubtless, Ami was recounting her embrace in front of Space Mountain and the instance when she and Kaz cuddled on It's A Small World.

“You’re boyfriend is Senior Lead Photographer for Elle’s Los Angeles branch,” Cheryl Blakely from Studio City said. “My sister’s best friend is Christy Turlington and he took pictures of her in the nude.”

“Oh? Why would my boyfriend take pictures of Christy Turlington when he wasn’t wearing clothes?” Ami asked. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

“No, Ami. Christy’s the one who was nude, not Kaz. The shoot was for a promotion on why Christy would rather wear nothing than wear pleather. Her various body parts were hidden. My sister said that Kaz Kurosawa insisted on the whole thing being strictly tasteful.”

“I must have missed that issue,” Ami said as she sounded extremely embarrassed.

I had seen the article in Elle and Christy was nude all right. And although her major erogenous zones were hidden, you couldn’t help but see a lot of her lovely skin. Her pubic area and her breasts were hidden behind one artful placement of her arm. But, frankly, if you want to know my opinion, I believe that Ami is much better looking than Christy Turlington or any of the other highly-priced supermodels on the market today. That is just my opinion, mind you.
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As we discussed the matter of who Ami’s new boyfriend was, Elizabeth Goode got up to make a couple of announcements.

“Ladies! Thank you for coming out and enjoying Disneyland with me today. Thank you for being a part of our special party. You all look marvelous and I’ve noticed several of you with flowers and lovely bouquets of roses. I hope that you are enjoying them.”

She went on about what it took to get the trip together. It was obvious that she had spent quite a bit of her own money in the process. She told us of another trip that was just in her dream stages. She mentioned that it would take place in Las Vegas around Christmas of 2005 at a brand new casino that her husband, Jerome Goode, was building. Since the event would be a little more than four years away, we would have plenty of time to start planning our schedules.
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With business taken care of, Elizabeth reminded us to have a great afternoon in the Magic Kingdom. We finished our desserts, reassembled into smaller groups and headed out for more fun and excitement. And, of course, people still couldn’t snap enough pictures of us, the girls in the minis.
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By the time we stepped into line at The Pirates of the Caribbean, it was two o’clock. Since we didn’t have to leave until eight o’clock we decided to hit all of the good rides we might have missed. Ami was having fun, but I just couldn’t help but think that it would be so much more fun for her if she had Kaz with her.
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The rest of our day was spent getting to know our friends better. Since we all lived in the San Diego area, we talked about things that happened to us there. Aside from telling the girls about our sixth-grade Christmas play, Ami kept purposefully mum about most other parts of her life. She did, however, reminisce frequently about the time she had earlier with Kaz Kurosawa.
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As the park announcer broadcasted that Disneyland would close in thirty minutes, we made our way through Main Street, USA.

Before leaving I excused myself and wandered into the shop where Kaz bought Ami her mementos. I looked in the display featuring the locket and ring my best friend wore. The ensemble cost nearly fifteen hundred dollars.

I thought to my self that Kaz Kurosawa really did love Ami.

Could it have been love at first sight?
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As we stood in front of the floral tribute to Mickey Mouse, we hugged Jody and Victoria and promised to keep in touch with them when we got back to San Diego.

“I’m going to miss you, Ami,” Victoria whimpered. “Will I ever see you again?”

Ami’s eyes were tearing again. “Sweetie, you can bet on it. I’ve given you my number and e-mail address. If you ever need to talk to someone, I’m there for you!”

They hugged until they finally had to let go. The girls’ limousine had arrived to drive them back to San Diego County.

As we headed for the transition ramp to Interstate 5 we noticed a billboard. We hadn’t paid attention to it that morning, but now we could not avoid it. It pictured a ray of sun beaming behind the outstretched finger of a woman. On her finger was the most beautiful diamond we had ever seen. The caption was perfect:

A Thing of Beauty? A Joy Forever!

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Chapter 7
Saturday, March 24, 1990

Robbie was never a good candidate for Little League. Consequently, he took constant jibes from the other boys for accidentally dropping a fly ball that allowed the opposing team to score. His lack of athletic ability was not in question even for Robbie. He only played baseball because he wanted to make his father proud of him. His biggest dream... an unattainable fantasy looking back at it now... had always been to gain his father’s admiration.

Admittedly, Robbie’s uniform was the smallest uniform that I'd ever seen on a boy. Robbie, however, was the smallest and shortest one on the field.

Brock Anders, who was Robbie’s coach, had a hell of a time finding a uniform to fit my best friend. The coach eventually had to order one from his daughter’s Bobby Sox catalogue.

The colors of the uniform were the same San Diego Lions colors his teammates wore… maroon and teal… and the patches matched the other boys' exactly but they could still tell that Robbie was wearing a girl’s uniform. The pockets were in a different position and there was a small regulation girl’s logo embroidered on the sleeve. Hana had pulled the threads from the fabric, but the impression of the girl waiving her bat remained.
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I looked at Robert Shannon and he seemed proud of his son. I had never seen him smile around Robbie except when Robie was trying to play baseball. Even when he failed, Robert encouraged Robbie to push on to “the goal”.

As Robbie approached the batter’s box for batting practice, Hana had her arms wrapped tightly around her husband’s waist. She gave him a peck on his cheek as little Jun tugged at her mother’s pant leg. She finally joined them in her mother’s arms.
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Jeremy Ramsgate was tossing fast balls and they were gaining speed and getting closer to Robbie with each cycle of pitches.

Ron Stallwarth, Jeremy's coach, warned thim to back off but Jeremy aimed for Robbie's groin and the ball found it's mark. On contact with the ball, Robbie grimaced and doubled over so fast that the Shannons, the umpire, Coach Anders and Coach Stallwarth were beside him faster than any of us could blink our eyes.
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“Are you all right son?”

Those words came out in a sort of unison from all the adults that surrounded him. As Robbie looked up at them, uncontrollable tears were tumbling from his eyes.

“Yeah, guys, I think I am.”

Robbie wiped his eyes and slowly got to his feet, trying to walk off the pain. As I watched him get up it was obvious that he was feeling a tremendous sting to his groin. If it was me who had caught the fastball exactly the way that Robbie had I’d still be down and waiting for the stretcher to take me off the field.

Jeremy Ramsgate just stood laughing at Robbie like a hyena. Coach Stallwarth nearly hauled off and knocked the pitcher up the side of his head, but stopped just short of contact. Jeremy just kept on laughing and because of that, causing Coach Stallwarth to suspend him the next four Saturdays.
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“Are you sure you're alright son?” Robert Shannon's concern was clearly evident.

Robbie looked at his father as his tears diminished. The elder Shannon’s blurred image slowly came into focus. Robbie nodded his head up and down as Hana lovingly brushed his forehead with her fingers. Jun held her brother’s hand and kissed it.

“I’m okay, Daddy,” Robbie said, pleading. He then turned to his mother, “Momma? Please let me play some more. I don’t want the boys to make fun of me. They already think that I’m a sissy. I’ll be okay, Momma. Really, I will.”

Hana Shannon had tremendous doubts that it would be wise to let him continue playing after being hit by the ball but she deferred to her husband. Robbie tugged at his father’s gigantic hand.

“Please, Daddy. Let me play?”

“Well, if you think you’ll be okay, son. Why not?”

Robert smiled. He didn’t want to yank his son from the game.

“If you feel like it,” Robert said, “get back in there and play some ball!”

Robert Shannon beamed with pride because son had refused to give up. Hana, however, was still having second thoughts. She reluctantly allowed her son to return to the game. In spite of it all, she couldn’t help but think how much bigger the other boys were compared to her little boy.

He’ll make a fine man some day, Robert thought to himself while caressing his wife’s hand. Then he said out loud, “He’ll make a fine man some day, Hana. You’ll see.”

Hana bit her tongue and remained silent.
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It was proving to be a rough day for Robbie Shannon. Aside from being hit by a fast ball during batting practice, he dropped a fly ball in the fourth inning that gave the opposing team a one-point advantage and proved to eventually be the winning run.

Before the game ended Robbie took another fast ball to his groin.

The pitch came from Keith Dunbarton of the North City West Stallions. Keith had not been tossing the ball trying to hit Robbie but he lost it when a seagull flew on the diamond and obscured his view and concentration.

Keith instinctively knew that the ball had made contact with the smaller boy. When he heard the oomph of air leaving Robbie’s abdomen he ran to his side beating both the elder Shannons, the umpire and both coaches to home plate.

Keith Dunbarton was choked up. “I'm really sorry, Robbie. I really am.”

Jeremy Ramsgate, the suspended pitcher, just sat on the bench howling with glee. Jeremy taunted Robbie with a viciousness that was unimaginable. The vicious boy would rather laugh it up than rush over see if his teammate was alright like all of the other boys were doing. His actions at that moment would eventually earn the six-year-old a suspension for the rest of the season.
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By the time the adults arrived on field, Robbie was doubled up into a fetal position and close to losing consciousness. Hana instantly became hysterical and tears began to stream down her face. Jun began to cry when she saw her brother laying on home plate. Robert just bit his lip and tried to look like he wasn’t concerned.

“I told you he shouldn’t play sports, Robert,” Hana scolded. “He’s so much smaller than all of the other boys and now look at him.”

“Damn it, Hana. Playing ball is giving Robbie the character he needs to be a man.”

Robert Shannon’s persistence that his son had the chance to prove himself rough-and-tumble just like other boys never faltered. In opposition to his wife’s tears, Robert's belief was that all of things were working together for his son’s own good.
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“Are you okay, son? Please wake up.” Robert pleaded, “Please wake up.”

Robbie was not responding to anything on the field. Seeing that, Hana Shannon feared the worst. “If he’s dead, Robert…”

“Wait just a goddamn minute, Hana. The boy’s not dead. He’s just had the wind knocked out of him… that’s all… dammit… what do you think, Anders?”

“Well, Bob, he’s definitely out of it… I bet he’s in a lot of pain… but I’ve seen worse.”

Brock Anders was lying. He had never seen anything worse than this.

Robbie remained unconscious for almost fifteen minutes.

“Believe me, Hana… Bob… I’ve seen worse.” He hadn't but Anders and the other officials needed to stall for time. “I’ve got some smelling salts here. Let me run them under his nose.”

As the pungent aroma filled the nostrils of the small boy, Robbie momentarily regained his senses but quickly passed out again.

Brock Anders responded by giving the boy another whiff of the salts. He awoke momentarily but was soon unconscious. Three more whiffs of the salts seemed to work.
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Robbie was awake and was able to retain consciousness.

“Momma? Daddy?”

Although he was definitely awake, Robbie didn’t know where he was for several minutes.

“What happened? Where am I?”

“You were hit by a fast ball again, son,” Coach Anders said. “I’m setting you on the bench for a couple of games. You’ll need time to recuperate.”

Robbie’s eyes filled with tears and he said, “But what are the other boys going to say about me? They already think that I’m a sissy. If I have to sit on the bench they’ll have even more things to tease me with.”

Robbie’s tears hid a lot more than his disappointment. I would later find out that he was in tremendous pain. But if anything my best friend was a trooper. He was good at hiding his emotions when need be.

“No more Little League for you, Robbie,” Hana said. “And I don’t want to hear another word from you, Robert.”

Hana knelt down, picked up her child and cradled him in her arms. She was serious when she said that she would curtail his athletic endeavor. Robert’s obviously irritation with his young wife lost out in the end to his wife’s persistence. Hana got her way this time. Robbie would never again play sports involving contact of any kind.
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Chapter 8
Tuesday, March 27, 1990

Robbie had complained bitterly about the pain in his groin for several days. He was unable to stand for prolonged periods of time and even when he sat down he was in extreme agony. He had trouble urinating and he told me every time I saw him that he’d do anything in the world to free himself of his torment.

Hana Shannon took Robbie to see his pediatrician and since his father was already in New York City, she’d have to go it alone. My father died when I was two but I’d like to think that if he saw my pain he’d be there for me. Robbie told me that his father was angry with him but wouldn’t tell me why. I’ll never understand grown ups. It was like Robert thought that it was Robbie’s fault that he was hit by those pitches? Give me a break!
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“Good morning, Shannons!”

Dr. Sandra Hart had been Robbie’s pediatrician since childhood. She became mine, too, when we moved here from New York City. To say that she was a very nice lady was a bit of an understatement.

“I’m going to give you an examination, Robbie,” she said. “I promise that I’ll try to make it as painless as possible.”

“It can’t be more painful than now,” he said. “Thank you, ma'am.”

All in all, Robbie looked like he was on death’s door.

“I understand, honey. I’m going to have you take off your clothes and sit in this chair.”

“Okay, doctor.”

While Robbie undressed, Sandra Hart and Hana discussed how Robbie had been doing since the accident. Hana told her that he was always in pain and cried almost all the time. Hana started to cry and Dr. Hart took her hand, stroking it.

“I’ll do my best to end his pain, Hana.”

“Thank you, Sandra. I know you will.”

“How’s Robert taking all of this?”

“He blames everyone and everything but himself. He seems to think that Robbie got hit by those balls on purpose.”

“No? He thinks Robbie intentionally got in the way of a fast ball?”

“Sandra, Robert thinks about only one thing and that is himself… or his dear little law firm in New York. I’ve tried to get him to move back to San Diego but he says that we wouldn’t be able to afford the finer things in life. He thinks Robbie is trying to hinder his progress gaining a full partnership with the firm. I thought the least he could do was be here and show some love to Robbie and me.”

“And?”

“I just don’t understand his reasoning. The only way he’ll come back to San Diego right now is if Robbie, Jun or I were actually dying. He doesn’t care what happens to Robbie.”

“That's a shame.”

“Now, if Robbie was dead, that would be another story. He’d gain empathy from everyone around him in the Big Apple.”

“And how is Robbie taking it?”

“He wants the hurting to stop.”

Robbie had finished undressing and was sitting in the chair. Jun sat beside him and patted his hand lovingly.

Dr. Hart asked Robbie to stand up. When he did, he looked like he was going to fall over. He managed to get to his feet.

Sandra cupped Robbie's scrotum in her hands and he grimaced. She noticed that Robbie’s penis was a deep purplish-blue and that the tip of his urethra had been bleeding.

“Does it hurt when you urinate, Robbie?”

“Yes, ma'am. I cry a lot.”

“I see.”

“Momma tries helping me. She puts an ice pack on it. I’m burning up, though. Even now, ma'am.”

Hana confirmed that she had been putting an ice pack on Robbie’s penis. As they are talked, the nurse handed the Dr. Hart the results of the tests she had run last Friday.

The doctor’s face saddened. She obviously saw something in the test results that she didn’t like. She asked Hana to come to her office where they could talk alone, freely, out of earshot from the young child.

“You can put your clothes on Robbie,” Dr. Hart said. “Your mother and I will be back shortly.”

Jun helped her brother with his clothes. When he was dressed, Robbie collapsed into the chair.
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“I don’t know how to break this to you any easier, Hana. Robbie’s test results are not good.”

“What do you mean, Sandra? Is Robbie going to die?”

“No, honey. Not right now, at least. Robbie’s a very sick little boy and we have to do something for him before he becomes any sicker.”

“Oh? What do we have to do, Sandra?”

“This might seem drastic, honey, but we have to remove Robbie’s infected organs. If we don’t, his infection will spread farther and he most likely will die.”

“Die?”

“Yes, Hana. He will. I’m sorry.”

Hana started to cry.

“You have to remove his penis and his testicles?”

“Yes, honey. If there was any other way to save his penis, I’d do it in a flash. His testes are already dead.”

Hana began sobbing bitterly.

“I told Robert that I didn’t want Robbie to play Little League. Robbie told me that he didn’t want to play either. He just wanted to please his daddy. He just wanted to make his daddy proud of him, Sandra. Now, how do I tell my husband Robbie's going to lose his penis. How do I tell Robbie? How do I tell them that what makes Robbie a boy will be gone? What’ll Robbie’s friends say about him?”

“No one will have to know about the surgery, Hana. When he gets older we can get him on a hormonal regiment that will make him look just like the other boys.”

“Sandra, I don’t think Robbie will ever look like the other boys.”

Hana giggled a bit through her tears. Robbie was trying but he really didn't match up to his male classmates.

“Well, honey, we can make him look as manly as possible. He’ll just need to take testosterone injections when he reaches puberty.”

“Is this really the only way... to take his penis from him?”

Hana’s tears had erased all traces of makeup from her face.

“Why couldn’t Robert be here with me for this? He’s always thinking about himself and that goddamned law firm of his. What’ll I say to my husband, Sandra?”

The pediatrician thought for a while, trying to come up with a way to tell Robert that removing his son's penis and testes is necessary for his survival.

“I’ll call him if you’d like. If he has any questions I can answer them for him.”

“Would you, Sandra? Please?”

“Hana, the only reason I am considering this operation for Robbie is to stop the risk of further infection. Do you understand? I don’t want to hurt Robbie. I don't want to turn him into a girl. I only want what is best for him.”

“I believe you, Sandra. How are we going to tell Robbie? I don't want him to think he's blemished and unloved.”

“He’s a strong boy, Hana. If he knows that we are doing this to save his life, I think he’ll understand.”

“Yes. But how are we to tell him that we need to take away the things that define him as a boy?”

“I’ll help you, Hana, if Robert doesn’t.”
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Sandra Hart picked up the phone and dialed Robert’s office in New York City.

“Stillman, Thorenson and Hatcher. My name is Christine. How may I help you?”

The operator talked in a typical New York accent.

“Hello, Christine. Robert Shannon, please. This is Doctor Sandra Hart.”

Sandra Hart waited while the operator attempted to put her through.

“Robert Shannon here. How may I help you?”

“Robert? How are you? This is Sandra Hart, Robbie’s pediatrician.”

“Yes, Dr. Hart! I’m fine. How are you?”

“Fine. I’ve got Hana here on the speaker phone and we need to discuss some things regarding Robbie's accident with you.”

“Is he okay?” Robert sounded worried. “Are you okay, Hana?”

“I wish you were here, Robert.”

“I would if I could, honey. You know that. How’s Robbie? Is he okay?”

“He'll be, Robert,” Sandra Hart said, “but he needs surgery.”

“Surgery?”

“Yes, Robert. The earliest I can schedule a team is Thursday. I would recommend a speedier surgery, but you know how it is when you need to assemble a team at a moment’s notice. I’d like to operate on Thursday at nine o’clock.”

“Operate?” Robert repeated himself.

“Yes, Robert. We have to operate. Robbie’s accident initiated an infection that has began spreading throughout his body. I’ve got him on medication for the moment, but it’s not working. I would not recommend this surgery if your son was not in grave danger. I need to remove his infected organs.”

“What do you mean, remove his infected organs?”

“Well, Robert, I have to remove Robbie’s penile and testicular tissues.”

“Remove? Penile tissue? Testicular tissue? What the hell?”

Robert Shannon’s voice became highly intense and he became more irritated with each of the doctor's words.

“His penis is irreversibly infected, Robert. I have to perform an orchidectomy and a penectomy. It’s truly the only way to save Robbie’s life.”

“You’re going to castrate my son? What the hell are you saying. Is this a joke?”

“No. It’s not, Robert. Your son is a very sick little boy. If I do not operate, he may very well die... he will die.”

“Maybe it would be better if he were dead than to grow up without his dick.”

“Robert Shannon!” Hana interrupted. “You bastard! Once again you’re trying to save your own feelings while not thinking of Robbie's at all.”

“Keep out of this, Hana. Robbie’s life will be ruined if he loses his dick. Maybe he should die if he’s going to lose his manhood.”

“Fuck you, Robert.” Hana is royally pissed. “Who died and made you God?”

“I’m a man, Hana.”

“And because I’m a woman, I have no say in this matter? Is that what you’re saying?”

“You’ve got it, babe.”

“Fuck you, Robert!”

Dr. Hart interrupted Hana and Robert.

“Robert, please don’t make this into a personal thing. Your son is very sick; he cannot stand up; it is painful fro him to urinate; his penis is bleeding and it’s been long enough after the accident to deduce nothing will improve. He should have began healing by now, but he hasn’t, Robert. We need to operate so that he has a chance of getting better.”

“Hana? You're buying into this cockamamie scheme to turn my son into a chick, but I won’t.”

“My conclusions are not cockamamie, Robert, and it's not a scheme. Besides, the operation won’t turn Robbie into a girl but your arrogance may well cost him his life. There’s something I didn’t tell Hana…”

Hana looked at Sandra Hart inquisitively. Robert’s silence was stifling.

“So?” Robert barked.

“Because we needed to find proper medication for Robbie, we ran a hormone series on Robbie. The results just came in today and his chromosomes are ‘XX’.”

“‘XX’?” Hana squealed. This was the first time she heard of the hormone tests. “But aren’t those girl chromosomes?”

Sandra Hart smiled at Hana but Robert couldn't see the doctor's expression.

“They are, Hana.”

“What is this bullshit?” Robert almost burst a blood vessel. “How can Robbie have ‘XX’ chromosomes? Boys are ‘XY’.”

“I can’t argue with science, Robert,” Sandra said. “I don’t understand why, but he is definitely is ‘XX’. All other gene markers are common to you and Hana. These results definitely belong to your child, Robbie. This is not a mistake.”

“I’d like a second opinion on your bull shit test results.” Robert spat into his phone, “You’re a quack that wants to rob my son of his birthright. You want to make him into a goddamned girl.”

“You’re entitled to your opinion, Robert. I'm right. The test results are right. You’re entitled to a second opinion, but it won't change your child's chromosomes. However, the longer that you wait for second opinions, the sicker Robbie will become. Can you live with killing your child?”

Sandra Hart desperately wanted to refer to Robbie as his “daughter” but she bit her lip. She was disappointed with Robert Shannon.

Robert irately slammed his phone in the ears of his wife and the doctor.
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Hana Shannon returned to Sandra Hart’s office that afternoon. After receiving the news that Robbie’s chromosomes were definitely female, Dr. Hart decided to run a series of CAT scans on Robbie. To that point, since Robbie hadn’t had internal injuries so there had been no need to give him an internal work-up.
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“Hana, I have the CAT scans here. By the way, they’re taking Robbie back to his room and you can visit with him when we finish here. His courage cheers me so much.”

“I know, Sandra. He’s always cheering me too!”

“You know what a CAT scan is, of course. It’s a three-dimensional picture of what is going on inside someone’s body. I centered on Robbie’s reproductive tract and although I'd like to discuss the scans with a couple of my colleagues, these are my findings.”

Sandra Hart attached several pictures to a light box attached to the wall in her office. Hana’s eyes widened. She had seen scans of her own reproductive tract when it was thought that she would need a hysterectomy. Fortunately, she didn’t need one. She had also studied anatomy in school and realized that what she saw in her son’s CAT scans was clearly that of a six-year-old girl.

But there were definitely little boy parts there too.
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“I don’t understand, Sandra, how can Robbie have ovaries and a uterus? He's a boy. I should know because I bathe him and he comes to me when he's hurt. You examined his penis. You held his scrotum in your hands...”

“I can't argue with these scans, honey. Robbie seems to have a reproductive tract that someday will be fully capable of conceiving and bringing a child to full term.”

“Robbie’s a girl? He can have babies? But he has a penis and testicles? I don’t understand?”

“I need to do some more research, Hana. When I come back with an answer I’ll let you know. I would suspect that Robbie is hermaphroditic. The pictures seem to bear that out. But I need to do some research.”

“I appreciate it, doctor. Thank you.”

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Chapter 9
Wednesday, March 28, 1990

Robert Shannon refused to come to San Diego. He'd rather hole up in his Big Apple condominium than be with eldest child. It was easier for him to blame the doctor and his wife for what was happening to his son than to man up and face the truth.

Hana consulted her attorney. In most cases, leaving one parent out of the decision-making process was not advisable. This course of action regarded Robbie's physical health so the attorney drew up the papers to allow her to proceed with the surgery on Robbie's behalf.

Hana got a second opinion on the hormone test, CAT scans and surgery. On Sandra Hart's advice, she got a third opinion and in the end, all doctors agreed that the documents were Robbie's; that he was, indeed, female; and if surgery did not proceed, Robbie's future was in peril.

Hana called her husband in New York City. She didn't rely on the doctor's assistance this time. In spite of her numerous calls, Robert only picked up his phone on nearly her last attempt and then he refused to listen to what she had to say.

Hana had Sandra Hart schedule the surgery for the next morning. The surgical team was ready to convene for the 9:00am operation. Still, Hana was nervous as she signed the papers okaying the surgery to remove the things that make people think someone is a boy, but she knew it was truly for her baby's own good.
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Even though Hana was going to break the news to Robbie about the surgery, she chose to remain silent about the test results proclaiming that he was actually female. She didn't want to scare him too much and believed, with Dr. Hart's guidance, that letting him choose a gender might be the wise move.
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As she suspected, Robbie began to cry. He wasn't afraid of losing his penis and testicles; he was afraid of the pain he might experience not having them anymore.

Hana explained why the surgery was necessary. She was honest and told him he would lose his little boy parts but he seemed to take it well.

“Will it hurt, Momma?”

“Maybe. A little. Honey, Dr. Hart is going to do everything that she can to make it as painless as possible for you.”

“But what'll the guys say, Momma?”

“Honey, what they say isn’t really important.”

“I don't wanna be called a sissy.”

“Sweetie, they don't even need to know.”

“Okay, Momma.”

“Do you understand that we're doing this to save your life?”

“Yes, Momma. I do.”

“Do you understand you’ll never be able to be a daddy?”

“Yes, Momma. That's okay.”

“Doesn't that bother you, honey?”

“No Momma. When I grow up I'm gonna be a mommy like you.”

Hana started to cry.

“Why are you crying, Momma?”

“I’m just so worried about you Robbie.”

“Don’t be, Momma. Dr. Hart'll fix me. Won’t she?”

“Yes, honey, she’s going to make you better than ever.”

“Then I’m not scared, Momma. When's she gonna operate?”

“Tomorrow morning, honey. Nine o’clock.”

“Okay, Momma. Can I watch TV?”

“You sure can, Robbie. And I have a surprise for you. Meghan is coming by to see you in a little bit.”

“Really?”

“Yes, honey. She says she misses you. Her mother is going to bring her by around five o’clock.”

“Can I tell her about it?”

“Honey, if you want to. I just don’t think you should rush around telling everyone that you’re going to have your penis cut off. People will start to talk about it.”

“I’ll just tell Meghan, Momma. She'll keep it a secret.”

“Well, honey, just don’t be too afraid.”

“I’m not, Momma.”

“Your Daddy says to say he loves you, Robbie.”

“Does he?. Why don’t he talk to me no more?”

“Honey, your Daddy is going through a rough time. His way of dealing with your injury is by working.”

“Momma?”

“Yes, Robbie?”

“If I work too much when I’m a mommy, will you straighten me up?”

Hana smiled and began to giggle.

“If you want me to, honey, I will!”

“I wanna love my kids like you love me.

Hana wiped a tear from he cheek and hugged Robbie.

“Daddy makes me sad.”

“Honey? Why?”

“He thinks sports'll make me a man. Now what’ll he say?”

“Honey?”

“'Cause I don’t have a penis no more is he going to hate me some more?”

“Daddy doesn't hate you, honey.”

“Then why don’t he wanna see me?”

“I don’t know, honey.”

“I wish Daddy'd love me like you and Jun. Maybe when I’m better, he will.”

“Daddy loves you, Robbie. Please believe me.”

“Okay, Momma. I just wish he’d talk to me.”
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When I visited Robbie in the hospital I brought him a coloring book with some crayons and a big stuffed Teddy Bear that had a red bow around his neck. Robbie asked me if I wanted to know a secret. I said that I did and he pulled my ear close to his mouth. He whispered so softly that I could barely hear him.

“Guess what, Meghan? Dr. Hart's gonna cut my penis off.”

I looked at my best friend and didn’t believe him.

“Why Robbie?”

“'Cause it’s infecting me, Meghan.”

“But why's she gonna cut it off?”

“I’ll die if she don’t.”

“Will it hurt?”

“Dunno.”

“It has to.”

“I hurt pretty bad right now, Meghan.”

“Sorry, Robbie. Will it change anything between us?”

“No. I’ll still be your friend, Meghan. Hope you’ll still be mine.”

“I couldn't not be, Robbie.”

“Never?”

“Never. I promise.”

“Dr. Hart says I’ll feel better than I do now.”

“Oh? Is that better?”

“Yeah, Meghan. I hurt really bad.”
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As Robbie and I talked the nurse came in to tell my mother that visiting hours were just about over. The next time I would see my best friend he would have had his operation. I told him goodbye and he could see tears forming in my eyes.

“Wattsa matter, Meghan?”

“I don’t want you to die, Robbie.”

“I can’t die.”

“How'd you know?”

“Dr. Hart saya Jesus watches me. Says He loves me. He won’t let me die!”

I hugged Robbie.

“You know another reason, Meghan? Jesus told me I’ll be a mommy someday.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Meghan. I'll be a mommy.”

“Robbie?”

“What, Meghan?”

“I love you. I always will.”

“Me, too, Meghan! I love you.”

“See ya soon?”

“Sure will!”

“Okay.”

“Bye, Meghan!”

“Bye, Robbie.”
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Robbie grabbed my hand and pulled my face to his. He gave me a kiss. I saw the tears in his eyes. Momma gave Robbie a kiss and brushed his forehead softly with her fingers. Before I left, Robbie whispered something in my ear that I couldn’t quite make out. I asked him to repeat what he said.

“Jesus told me I'll be a mommy someday.”

Robbie reluctantly let go of my hand. My mother and I prepared to leave his hospital room. Hana and Jun gave us a big hug. Robbie winked at me and mouthed a word into the air.

“Remember.”
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Sunday, April 15, 1990
Robbie's surgery was successful and he had little trouble and hardly much time healing. The doctor pronounced it a success four-months post-op. Robbie kept mum about the surgery for almost a year. Since I was only six-years-old, my mother and Hana didn't let me know about the results. The only thing I knew was that Robbie seemed not to hurt anymore and that he was happy.

Boy it's good to see him smile!
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Saturday, March 23, 1990
Hana Shannon had just left for New York City to tend to east coast business for DaishiWorks. She was also hoping the trip would help to smooth over rough edges that had popped up between her and Robert. He was at least talking to Robbie, but Robbie would never say much about their conversations.

Jun and Robbie were scheduled to visit their father in a couple of weeks since he hadn't been to San Diego since before Robbie's surgery. Jun seemed to enjoy visiting her father but Robbie always seemed stressed out when he returned home.

Robbie had begun to grow his hair out. He didn't want to be like a sissy but most of our boy classmates were in the mode for long hair and Robbie wanted to fit in. His hair was wonderful and now touched his shoulders. It was quite different from the short style he had been wearing on his father's orders. Robert wasn't on the west coast and Hana said if her husband didn't care to see his son here, Robbie could take liberties with his hairstyle.

Robbie had just settled into our room. My mother wasn't concerned that Robbie was a boy and I am a girl. She just treated us as if we were a brother and sister who got along famously.

Robbie put his folded clothing in the drawers that were his. We shared the same dresser and he didn't even mind that it was pink! He hung up his hanging clothes and placed five pairs of shoes in the closet. He also arranged his toiletries in my bathroom. Robbie is the neatest boy I know in more ways than one!

All that aside, we moved on to the business of playing. As I mentioned before, one of Robbie's favorite activities was playing dress-up. We hadn't played that way since his operation until he announced that he wanted to do it, I didn't push him. Now he wanted to and I minded not one bit.
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“You're hair looks pretty.”

“Thanks Meghan! Yours' does too!”

I began brushing his hair and was amazed how soft it was. I had brushed his hair numerous times in the past but never realized how silky it was.

“Your hair is wonderful, Robbie!”

“Momma says it's 'cause were Japanese... at least she and me are.”

“I wish mine was as pretty!”

“Thank you, Meghan.”

“Robbie?”

“Yes?”

“Does it hurt?”

“No. I like the way you brush my hair.”

“Not that, hon. Does your operation hurt? What's it like?”

“Naw. I feel way better than when I was sick.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Not really.”

“How do you go potty?”

“There's a hole. I have to sit down now.”

“I suppose it would be hard standing up.”

“I tried it 'cause I forgot. Momma had to help me clean up the bathroom floor!”

We giggled.

“But does it feel different?”

“It does.”

“Are you like a girl?”

“I don't think so.”

“Oh?”

“Momma says it's not finished.”

“Huh?”

“She says if I want, they can make me a new penis.”

“You want one?”

“I don't know, Meghan.”

“How would they do it?”

“I don't know. Momma hasn't said nothing.”

“It must be embarrassing for her.”

“She's swell and she answers questions I have.”

“Can I see it?”

Robbie blushed then he squirmed.

“You don't have to show me.”

“Some day I'll show you, Meghan. Just not now.”

“Okay.”

We went on to talk about other things. I dressed Robbie up really pretty. He liked it when I let him wear my things. I've never seen him happier than one our dress-up play dates.

Robbie made sure I never saw him nude. I guess he was embarrassed, but he shouldn't be. He wasn't going to lose me as his friend.
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As we were playing, my mother snuck in on us. She had seen Robbie in my things before but that day she remarked as to how lovely he looked. I guess it was the way I did his face and hair but my mother started calling us her twin girls. I don't know if Robbie liked it but he never asked her to stop doing it.

“Are my twins up for some ice cream?”

“I am mommy! Please!”

“Me too, Stephanie!”

“Good! I'll get Jun and we can go get a triple-scooper!”

We thought my mother meant she'd get us some ice cream in the kitchen, but she mentioned going to Baskin-Robbins. Robbie didn't look pleased at all.

“I've got a tummy ache, Stephanie.”

“That's okay, Robbie. Maybe later, but I do have some Ben & Jerry's in the kitchen! Let's get your sister and feast out!”

Robbie and I were ecstatic. Robbie didn't change the rest of the day but remained dressed as a girl.
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We didn't make it out of the house with Robbie in a dress while we were in middle school or high school. He did enjoy a lot of time as a girl at home but he was very shy about letting anyone see him in his finest moments as my sister.

What a shame.
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When I finally caught a glimpse of Robbie in his birthday suit, he was coming out of the shower when we were ten-years-old. I thought that he didn't look much different than me although I did notice that he didn't have a vaginal opening. I guess my naivety got the best of me.

I never told Robbie that I saw him that way. I thought I would keep his “virginity” intact. It was several weeks later that he opened up and volunteered to show me and I was amazed. He was so like, but then unlike me, that it was wonderful.

These were the times that built the bonds between us as sister and brother/sister. I am so awed by my best friend!
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Chapter 10
Friday, November 4, 1994

Hana Shannon had just finished talking with Robbie’s sixth-grade teacher, Miss Veronica Owens.

As Hana clicked her cell phone off a smile radiated from her face, she could not contain herself and giggled. Robbie had just come into the condominium after taking a walk on the beach and was heading for a warm shower.

“Congratulations, Robbie! You’re going to be the lead annunciation angel in the Christmas play at school! I’m so proud of you!”

Miss Owens had chosen Robbie to be the lead angel because, quite frankly, he looked like just like an angel.

Robbie's appearance was much younger than a twelve-year-old boy’s might be. He appeared ten or maybe eleven, as a boy, but his face was still that of a child. His alabaster skin was sun kissed and his cinnamon eyes shined like shimmering beacons. His raven-black had grown so long that it sat just above the small of his back. His bangs erupted evenly from his forehead.

Robbie appeared more a girl than a boy. Consequently my best friendship took a lot of slack about it from the children at Rouge Castile Academy. The boys were roughest on him and provided most of the crude and descriptive language thrown his way. The girls didn't know what to think.
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Hana admired her son as he walked across the living room.

Usually, Robbie would wear his hair in a ponytail and he’d hide it beneath a San Diego Padres blue and orange baseball cap. Since he was home, he untied the end of his ponytail and let his hair fall over his shoulders. As his hair cascaded down his back as his mother gave him a hug.

“I want to take you out for a celebration, Robbie. It’s not everyday that you get the lead in such a special program. You deserve to be congratulated.”

Robbie flashed his mother a goofy look. He didn't know why she was making such a big deal. It was only a play, after all.

“Thank you, Momma. But I’m just going to be a stupid angel. I don’t even know why Miss Owens chose me for the part. I have to sing a solo by myself. I’m going to take a shower!”
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Veronica Owens had remarked several times to Hana about how beautiful Robbie’s singing voice was. She even went as far as to cast Robbie in the 1993 performance of “The Music Man”. Robbie had to miss performing in the play because of the flu and he told me he was eternally grateful to God for making him sick.

Robbie was to have sung the part of Laurie… offstage… while Lisa Whitman mouthed the words. Lisa couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket if her life depended on it. The only thing she had going for her was that she was the prettiest girl in our class. She ended up having to actually sing the part and was awful. The whole play ended up being a disaster.
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Robbie had finished with his shower and as he dressed, his mother again talked with him.

“Robbie, you’re not going to be a stupid angel. You’re going to be a beautiful cherub… my little cherub. Besides, I’m so proud of you. Miss Owens chose you because you have a wonderful speaking and singing voice. You’ve got talent. Looking at you now I’d say you could probably do a convincing onstage rendition of Laurie in The Music Man. You look so…”

“Girly? Momma, I don’t just look girly, I feel girly and it bugs the life out of me.”

Because of his surgery, Robbie’s nude body definitely looked like a budding thirteen-year-old girl. Without the influence of a natural testosterone his body was beginning the process of growing breasts. Coupling his hair length and the lilt of his voice, he’d put two-and-two together by that time and reasoned that he really would be more comfortable being a girl.

“Do you want to be a girl, honey?”

“I don’t know if I want to be a girl, but I know deep inside of me that I am one.”

“Are you only saying that because of what happened to you in Little League?”

“No, Momma. I’ve always known that I am a girl. Am I weirding you out, Momma?”

“No, honey, you aren’t weirding me out, but you have just answered some questions that I’ve had about you even before your accident.”

“Do you hate me, Momma?”

“No, honey. How could I ever hate you?”

“Daddy does.”

“Your father loves you, honey.”

“Daddy loves you. He loves Jun. He hates me.”

“Why do you say that, Robbie?”

“When I visit him in New York, he acts like he hates being around me. I asked him to take me to se the Statue of Liberty and he got one of the secretaries in his office to do it. She thought I was a girl until Daddy told her I was his son. He cussed her out, Momma. Right there in front of me and everybody else.”

“Oh? Did he?”

“Yes, Momma, he did. And I asked him to take me down to Washington DC to see the Smithsonian one weekend and he said he had better things to do. He hates me.”

“I’ll have to have a talk with your father, Robbie.”

“When Jun and I went to New York together last time, he hugged and kissed Jun, but he just shook my hand. He talked to Jun and he seemed like he wanted me to go away.”

“Did you tell him how you felt, Robbie?”

“No, Momma. I didn’t want him to hate me more than he already does.”

“Does the reason you want to be a girl have anything to do with the way Daddy treats you?”

“No, Momma. It’s hard for me to explain. I just feel like a girl. I don’t have boy parts anymore, but I’ve felt like this since I was little.”

“I see, Robbie.”

“Do you hate me. Momma?”

“No, honey. I love you with all of my heart.”

“Thank you, Momma. I love you with all of mine, too!”

“Honey. There’s something I haven’t told you before today. I wanted to know the right time and I think I just got the cue from God.”

“What’s that, Momma? What cue? What didn’t you tell me?”

Hana took Robbie into her arms and cuddled his naked body. He smelled of roses and lilac, an after-effect of his favorite soap. She kissed him on his forehead and promised to help him through his ordeal.

“When Doctor Hart ran tests on you when you were six, she also did some CAT scans. You remember when you went into that tube-like x-ray machine?”

“Yeah, Momma. It was scary, but I tried to be brave.”

“And you were, honey. You made me proud.”

“Did Doctor Hart find out something about me that was bad?”

“No, honey. You remember when I told you about the operation, don’t you?”

“Yes, Momma.”

“Well, honey, you told me that you would be a mommy one day.”

“Yes, Momma.”

“And I started to cry…”

“Yes, Momma. I’m sorry I made you cry.”

“That’s alright, honey. Anyway, the CAT scan revealed something about you that I was afraid to tell you until right now.”

“Yes, Momma. What was that?”

“The CAT scans showed Doctor Hart and me that you really can be a mommy one day. They showed that you have a uterus and ovaries.”

“But don’t girls have those things? I’m a boy.”

“Yes. You're a boy, kind of… but you're a girl, too.”

“Momma, I’m confused.” Robbie started to quiver in his mother’s arms. Hana stroked her child’s bangs.

“You are… we discovered this a couple of years ago… what used to be called a hermaphrodite. Nowadays they call your condition being intersexed. You are a boy and you are a girl.”

“I don’t understand, Momma. How can I be both a boy and a girl?”

“Well, honey, they think that when you were born that either two eggs joined or two sperm fertilized the same egg. As a result, when you began to develop into an embryo you had everything it took to become a girl and everything it took to become a boy.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, honey. And when you started growing, the only thing we saw was the things that made you appear male. When you were injured and you lost those defining characteristics, the things that make you female started to take root.”

“So, I can be a mommy some day?”

“Honey, Doctor Hart has run several tests on you over the past few years and she thinks that it is possible for you to one day conceive and carry a baby to full term. She’s had you on a medicine that is retarding your puberty. If you hadn’t told me about how you felt, she would have had to take you off the medication and we would have had to break your condition to you under different and more difficult circumstances.”

“Really?”

“Yes, honey.”

Robbie started to cry.

“Are you okay, Robbie?”

“Yes, Momma. I’m a little scared but mostly I’m just happy! These are what I’ve heard you call tears of joy! I can be a mommy? Really?”

“When Doctor Hart removed your penis and testicles, honey, she discovered that you have a vaginal tract, a cervix and all of the necessary female organs. She also knows that you have ova that are capable of becoming fertilized. The only things you were lacking is a clitoris and labia. She retained the nerve bundles from the tip of your penis and thought… if you wished to have surgery to convert you into a female… they could be used to create a sensate clitoris.”

“Oh?” Robbie was getting a bit confused. “Momma?”

“Yes, Robbie?”

“I can start living as a girl? I mean, is it alright with you?”

“Honey, I only want what is going to make you happy and fulfilled as a person. I love you, honey. It doesn’t matter if you are my son… or my daughter.”

“I want to, Momma!”

“Do you want to start now, Robbie? Do you want to start living as a girl now?”

“Yes, but I’m scared, Momma. I want to do it when I’m not scared.”

“Robbie, I’m here for you. You might never get to the place where you aren’t scared.”

“I know, Momma, and thank you! It’s just that I want to wait until I’m out of Rouge Castile. If the guys there knew I wanted to be a girl, they’d be on me for sure. I’d never live it down.”

“I can see what you mean, Robbie. It’s just that you have to cross your bridges before they burn up behind you.”

“Jun and I are supposed to fly out to see Daddy for Christmas and our birthdays. I want to tell him face-to-face about how I feel. I’m just scared that he might get really mad at me.”

“Honey, I’m going to go to New York with you and Jun. I’ve had a last-minute cancellation in our crucial shooting schedule. I’ve told Daddy that we’re going to spend Christmas together. He wasn’t pleased, exactly, but he knows that we’re going to be there as a family.”

Hana had suspected that her husband was spreading a little Christmas cheer to a new intern in his office and she wanted to check up on him.

“Besides, Robbie, it’s all of his girls’ birthdays. Mine, Jun’s and yours.”

“Thank you, Momma. I’m glad you’ll be there for my moral support.”

“I love you, honey. I only want what’s best for you. If you need to be my daughter, then it’s okay by me. I only want what’s going to make you the best human being possible.”

“Momma? Thank you for helping me to realize that I’m not crazy.”

“You’re welcome, honey.”

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Chapter 11
Robbie hugged his mother and she cuddled him for a while. Jun had come in from visiting her friend who also lived in the condominium three floors below them.

“Hi, Momma! Hi, Robbie!”

She gave her mother and her brother a warm hug. Robbie loved Jun and she idolized him. Robbie was afraid to break the news to his sister, but decided to anyway.

“I love you Jun, you know that.”

“Yes, Robbie, I do. I love you, too!”

“Jun, I’ve got something to tell you that I hope you won’t think is silly or weird. This news is so very different from anything you’ve ever heard that I don’t want you to laugh at me. I’m already nervous and very scared.”

“Robbie, I won’t laugh at you. I promise!”

“Jun,” Hana said, “Before Robbie says anything, I want you to know that I support and stand behind him all the way in his decision. I hope you will too, honey.”

“What is it, Momma?”

“I’ll let your brother tell you.”

Robbie began, cautiously. “Jun, you’ve obviously known me for a really, really long time. You’re my sister, after all. And I love you. Well… I haven’t felt good about myself for most of my life. You know how the rest of the kids tease me at school.”

“I do, Robbie. They’re all just a bunch of jerk balls. Every time I see them I want to throw up.”

“Well, you know how they kid me about looking like a girl, don’t you?”

“Yes, Robbie. I thought Dr. Hart was going to help you when you got a bit older?”

“She is, Jun, but even if she helps me, I’m still going to be different inside.”

“Is it because of your accident?”

“Well… partly. It’s just that… uh… you know… uh… this is really hard…”

“You feel like a girl?” Jun finished her brother’s sentence.

“Uh… yes. Jun, I feel like a girl and I think I need to be one forever.”

“Oh?”

“Jun, it’s just been that for the longest time I’ve felt more like I think a girl would feel. I certainly don’t fit in with the boys. And I’m scared.”

“You don’t have to be scared around me, Robbie,” Jun scooted up next to Robbie on his bed.

He was still naked. Hana was already holding his right hand, so Jun took his left hand with her right hand and wrapped her left arm around his neck. She kissed him on the cheek. Robbie’s eyes filled with tears.

“I love you and I always will, Robbie.”

“Even if I start living as a girl?”

“Even then. Besides, you’ve always seemed like a girl to me anyway. Something in the way you move, I think.”

“Momma just told me something that made me really happy…” Suddenly Robbie’s lip started to quiver, he lost his composure and couldn’t fight the tears any longer. Soon, he could not stop crying even though his mother and sister were smothering him with their hugs and kisses.

Hana explained to her daughter the things that she had just told Robbie. Jun put her arms around his neck and pulled him to her, kissing him.

“When are you going to start living as a girl, Robbie? When am I going to get my new big sister?”

“I think it’s going to be after I graduate from the academy.” Robbie was able to talk again, his soprano voice seemingly more feminine than either of them had heard before. “I don’t want the boys to make fun of me.”

“Does Daddy know?”

“I haven’t told him yet.”

Jun shivered. “I’ve seen how Daddy treats you when we’re in New York.”

Hana did not like the things she was hearing about Robert but they were coming from the mouths of her children.

“Robbie, you’re going to New York City as my daughter this time and as Jun’s sister. Do you have any objections? None of the children at school need to know anything about it, but I think it’s for your own good, honey.”

Robbie shrugged his shoulders. “If you think that it’s going to be okay, Momma, then why not? Can I tell Meghan?”

“If you’d like to, it’s perfectly okay with me, sweetie,” Hana said.

“Daddy will be surprised, won’t he?” Jun smiled as she thought about what her father’s face would look like when he sees her new sister. “We’ve got some shopping to do, now don’t we?”

Even though she was only ten-going-on-eleven, Jun had become quite a clothes horse. She accepted her brother’s news with open arms. She wanted to make sure he was dressed just like the other twelve year-old-going-on-thirteen-year-old girls she’d seen at school.

“What am I going to call you, Robbie? You can’t be my brother… and what’s your new name going to be? Momma and I need to know these things.”

“Please, if you can, think of me… start calling me… your sister.” Robbie had thought long and hard choosing a girl’s name that he liked. “And Ami… Ah-mee… Ami will be my first name. I looked it up and it means that I have drive, ambition and energy and that I am creative, inventive and ingenious. Does that sound like me?”

Hana smiled and so did Jun because they knew that it fit him to a tee.

“Hana will be my second name, after you, Momma. Did you know that Hana means flower? It also means that I am easy-going and refined, just like you, Momma.”

Jun giggled. “What does my first name mean, Ami?”

Robbie smiled at his little sister.

“Your name, Jun, means that you are generous in nature and you do your best to help others in need in spite of hard things that might happen to you in the process. You are affectionate and respond well to appreciation just like you have already responded to mine. You are imaginative and impressionable and if you are a performer your audience becomes your greatest inspiration.”

Jun had already proven herself a good actor and performer. She had played the part of Amaryllis in the school play last year and she had cut a demo tape that she hoped will make her the next Shania Twain (she was a country music girl through-and-through). Most of all, her respect and affection for Robbie, even as he was telling her that he needs to be a girl, was clearly evident.

“I love you, Ami! And I’m going to love saying your new name!” Jun kissed her new sister on the cheek.

“Momma? For my last name I want to take your maiden name. I’d like to be Ami Hana Daishi, if it’s all right with you.”

“Honey, you’ve got my vote and you’ve got my love! Welcome into the family Ami Hana Daishi!” She kissed the feminine child on his cheeks and brushed the bangs that were hanging in his eyes. With tears in her eyes she said, “Look at you now! You don’t have to do much to yourself to make me believe that you’re anything but a girl!”

“Me neither!” Jun said. “Hey! Let’s go shopping!”
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Ami, Jun and Hana arrived in downtown San Diego’s Horton Plaza shopping center. They entered Victoria’s Secret and Hana found a red satin bra and some matching panties in a size two. Believing that they were Ami’s size, she took her into the dressing room and Ami tried them on. The 36C Body by Victoria bra was perfect and Ami just about spilled out of the cups.

“Leave the bra and panties on, sweetie. I’m going to tell the girl that you’ll wear a set home. I’m going to go get you six more so that you’ll have one set for every day of the week. A girl never wants to be caught dead in dirty panties in case she’s been in an accident.”

Ami blushed and by the time she replaced her jeans and tee-shirt, Hana had come back into the dressing room with something she didn’t expect. Hana placed a tiara on her head.

Hana cried. “You are most beautiful Ami Hana Daishi! Now you really look like a princess.”

Ami was giddy from her excitement. Her eyes started to tear up to and Hana reminded her that her mascara would run if she didn’t watch out. She dabbed a hankie at her eyes and then at her own. She checked their makeup and took her new daughter’s hand as they emerged from the changing room. Jun was smiling.

When Ami saw a dress that she liked, Hana pulled it off the rack and took her into the dressing room to try it on. Jun pulled Ami into the front of the store and stopped in front of a mirror to affirm to her the fact that she looked beautiful. Hana asked her if she’d like to wear the sexy new red dress home.

“Can I?” Ami was ecstatic but questioned her mother. “I mean, I don’t look like a perv, do I?”

A sales associate walked up to Ami from behind. “I’d give anything to look as good as you do in that dress, miss. Would you like me to wrap it up for you?”

“No. I think that she’ll wear it home,” Hana said. “And I agree with you. I think she looks darling in it if I don’t say so my self. Isn’t my daughter lovely?”

The girl asked, “Can I get you a pair of pumps to wear with the dress, miss?”

Ami blushed. “Would you? I’d like that very much. Thank you!”

Since the dress was red and relatively short, the girl who helped her suggested a pair of red pumps with a three-inch heel. Ami slipped them on her feet and teetered a bit while she walked across the room but soon grew acquired her balance.

“I don’t do this much!” Ami was blushing so that her face almost matched the color of her dress.

“You’re doing fine, honey. Besides, you need this outfit… and the shoes… for our Christmas trip.” Hana winked at her oldest daughter. “They’ll love you on the flight to New York City! Oh, miss? I’d like to purchase a new overcoat for my daughter Ami, here. I’d also like one for myself and her sister. I like the ones I see over there.”

Ami, Jun and Hana left the store and Ami was wearing the new things that Hana had purchased for her.

“Guess what, girls? We’re going out to dinner and then we’re going to catch a show!”

“Momma!” Ami looked mortified. “I’ve never been out like this before and I wouldn’t know what to do.”

“Just remember to be yourself, sweetie. A bridge is burning up behind you and I guarantee that you won’t miss it!”

Hana was beaming from ear-to-ear. Ami looked gorgeous and, besides, it would be great fun to have another daughter.

“Yeah, Ami! You look sexy!” Jun took her new sister’s hand and as they passed a store window the reflection was that of three young women out for a good time. “Don’t be nervous, Ami. We’re here for you.”
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As Ami tried on a dress in Neiman-Marcus that caught her eye, Hana checked on arrangements she had made earlier in the week for dinner at The Chart House on Prospect Street in downtown La Jolla. Her reservations were confirmed for six o’clock. She informed Ami that she had asked my mother, Reiko, and me to join them for the evening and my mother was only too happy to oblige Hana Shannon. It was then that Ami looked like she had just seen a ghost.

“I’ve made reservations for dinner and for A Christmas Carol at The La Jolla Playhouse. Patrick Stewart from Star Trek the Next Generation is performing it as a one-man show. I thought that it would be nice if the Johnsons joined us.”

Jun was jumping up and down not only because she adored Patrick Stewart as Captain Jean-Luc Picard, but also because she had a deep affection for my mother. Ami just started crying.

“What’s the matter, honey?” Hana asked.

“I’m a little bit overwhelmed, Momma. What if Meghan or Stephanie think that I’m a freak?” Ami whispered so softly that her mother and sister could barely hear her words. “What if they see me like this and think that I’m a perverted little freak or something? What kind of boy would want to do this to himself?”

“Do you really think that they’ll do that, sweetie? Do you believe they see you as really being male?”

“I don’t know, Momma, but this is just so… unusual. I do feel that this is right but what if I am just a little perv?”

“Honey, I know you and I can honestly say that I don’t think you’re a perv. You’re going to have to break your news to Meghan and Reiko someday. Why not do it tonight over a nice dinner and a play? I’ve heard nothing but rave reviews about Patrick Stewart’s performance!”

“Well,” Ami took a pregnant pause as her tears subsided. “I guess it’ll be alright.”
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Chapter 12
I’d never seen Robbie dressed as a girl but had wondered many times what he might look like in a dress. Don’t ask me why, I just did.

Jun and Hana had not alerted me to the fact that my best friend would be looking so much like a girl when I saw him that evening. I think Hana had been talking to my mother about it but I was kept in the dark pretty much.
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When my mother and I arrived at the Shannons' condominium, Jun let us in and told me to go to Robbie’s room, that he had a surprise for me. I could sense that Jun was having a hard time keeping her mouth shut, but she did. Robbie had asked her not to say anything about his present state and had asked her to let him do it himself.
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As I knocked on Robbie’s door I could not see him because he was in the bathroom with the door closed. He mumbled some things but I couldn't understand him so I played on his computer. When he came into his bedroom all I can say is that I was startled. I really didn’t know what to think.

Although Robbie looked pretty much like a girl everyday... and really couldn’t cover it up... at that moment he looked like a princess. His dress was fairly short and his hair was done up in an elegant French-braid. His lips were colored the same shade as his dress and his eyes were rimmed in a smoke-colored eye shadow. His eyelashes had been enhanced with mascara. So, in short, he looked like the dream I had had about him many nights before.

“Robbie?” I quavered. “Is that you?”

“Yes, Meghan, it’s me. How do I look?”

When he talked this time he sounded more like a girl than I ever remembered him sounding.

“You look pretty!”

“Oh Meghan, you’re just saying that because you’re my best friend! You really think that I’m a perv, don’t you?”

“Perv? Honey... no, I never could. I wouldn’t think that of you ever. I’m just a bit surprised. I love that dress! But how did your breasts get so big?”

I began to feel my breasts and tried to size them up with his.

“You must be at least a C-cup. Why haven’t I seen those things before?”

“Last month was the first time I really started to really notice them. They started growing really fast, Meghan. You must have seen a change in the way that I dressed?”

“You did start wearing looser tops… but I just thought that was a clothing phase you were going through.”

“It is a phase, Meghan. But I can never go back and take these away, can I?”

“I guess not. But why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was afraid you’d quit being my friend.”

“Sweetie, I would never do that.”

“I was afraid of what everyone would say, Meghan, so I just started wrapping an elastic bandage really tight around them to hold them into my body. And I wore a sports bra to keep me flatter. Momma knew about my breasts and showed me how to wrap them up. I guess I just got really good at disguising them. Now they’re growing quite rapidly. Momma bought me some lingerie today and we found out that I can wear a 36C bra. Do you think I’m a perv?”

“No. How can you be a perv if this is happening to you naturally? You aren’t taking hormones, are you?”

“No, Meghan. I’ve been taking some medicine but I don’t think that it’s estrogen.”

“Think it's testosterone?”

“Yes. How do you know about testosterone?"

"Remember, we studied those things in sex education?"

"I guess."

"Why'd you stop taking it?"

"I don't think I want to look like a boy."

"Robbie? How long has that been rattling around in your head?"

"Since my accident in Little League, I think. You remember it?”

“Yes, sweetie. I do."

I changed the subject.

"Are you going to look like this all the time? I mean, it’ll be nice to have a girlfriend or a sister like you, but you’ll have to let me know when she’ll be around so I can welcome her with open arms!”

“Yes, Meghan, I’m going to be like this all the time… very soon… just not now.”

“So when are you going to start?”

“I don’t know. Probably as soon as we get out of Rouge Castile… and… well… I have to tell my Daddy first.”

“When are you going to tell him?”

“We’re flying to New York City for Christmas. I’m going to wear this outfit on the flight out there. Daddy will see me like this when we come through the arrival gates at JFK.”

“I’d love to see his face! Does he have any idea?”

“I don’t know. I do know that he hates me, Meghan, and I think he thinks I’m gay.”

“Well, I still like you… no.. honey… I love you!”

“Do I look really like a girl, Meghan?”

“Honey, does Mickey Mouse have giant black ears and wear red pants?”

She smiled.

“I’ve always thought of you as a girl, Robbie.”

“What? Uh… why?”

Robbie looked perplexed.

“I don’t know. I’ve just always thought that you were a girl, sweetie. I think everyone else in school does too. You’ve never done the things that boys do. One of the kids said that she thought you were a tom boy. But she’s crazy. You look like a model! I love the way you did your hair!”

“What do you mean that you’ve always thought I was a girl?”

Robbie contemplated what he had just said and frowned.

“The other kids really think that I’m a girl?”

“You’ve always looked like one to me. I think that they think the same thing. Honey, you don’t have to worry about them. They don’t know you as well as I do. I’d never think that you’re weird or perverted.”

“Oh.”

Robbie smiled and he was absolutely radiant.

“My mother always says it, Robbie. If you were born a girl we could easily have been sisters. I swear that we look so much alike that it’s uncanny.”

I led Robbie to the full-length mirror that hung on his bathroom door. We stood there for a minute and stared at each other.

“Is this good, Meghan?” Robbie was staring at himself in the mirror as I stood next to him.

“Hell yes! It is! When are you going to start living as a girl?”

“I don’t know. I talked to Momma today and she said that I really am a girl and have been all along.”

“Huh?” I didn’t comprehend what Robbie was telling me. How could he have been a girl all along?

“Meghan. I know this is going to be hard for you to believe, but I have a uterus and ovaries and a cervix. Meghan, I even have eggs that are fertile! The only thing I lack, short of being one-hundred percent female, is my labia and a clitoris…”

“Are you sure?” I interrupted. “How can you know that?”

“Doctor Hart showed Momma some CAT scans she ran soon after my accident and Momma showed them to me today. My reproductive organs are female. Doctor Hart assured my mother that one day I can conceive a baby and bring it to full term. Doctor Hart has been giving me drugs that are delaying puberty but she can’t do so much longer. If she does, I’ll have to have a hysterectomy.”

“You don’t want that, sweetie. Do You?”

“No, Meghan. I want to be a mother some day. Remember what I said in the hospital that day? Jesus told me I was going to be a mother! And now I know it wasn’t just a dream!”

I grabbed Ami around the waist and hugged. We were both giddy and giggling.

“Then I can be an aunt?”

“Yes, Meghan, you can!”

I started crying happy tears.

“That’s why I’m going to start living as a girl as soon as I can, Meghan. But I have to tell Daddy first and I don’t want to do it over the phone. For some reason he won’t come to San Diego anymore.”

“Oh? So you’re thinking of becoming a girl as soon as we graduate from the academy?”

“Yes… and after I tell Daddy.”

“Oh! That’s really soon!”

“I’m starting to go crazy, Meghan. Now I know that I am a girl but I have to live like a boy because everyone thinks that I am one.”

“Do you like boys?”

“Yes, Meghan. I think so. But it’s not like a gay boy who likes another gay boy.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I’m a girl, Meghan. I like boys the way I think that you like boys. You do like boy, don’t you?”

“Oh! Yes, honey.”

I had to keep mum my feelings for Robbie. I had always thought that maybe, someday, we’d be together. I knew about what happened to him when he was six and I could love him in spite of it all. Now I had to keep my silence since he was going to be a girl.

“That’s how it stands with me and boys,” Ami said. “I’d say I’m a heterosexual female through-and-through.”

“Okay, sweetie. I like what your mom did with your hair. Do you think she could do mine in the same style?”

“I think so. Let’s ask her!”
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Robbie was out of his bedroom before me and I couldn’t help but watch him as he walked to the kitchen to find his mother and mine.

I realized that I’d never seen any boy walk in quite the same manner as Robbie was. His bottom sashayed femininely, seaming to mock the myriad of girls at Rouge Castile. I’d also never noticed how gorgeous his legs really were. But then again, he was always wearing 501s and not JC Penney Sheer Caress Suntan pantyhose.
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Hana finished with my hair as Momma talked with Robbie about how he was feeling about himself. We had one hour to get to The Chart House and although Hana realized that we will have plenty of time, she also realized that Robbie was acquiring a good case of the jitters. When she saw this happening she reaffirmed to him his right to be in his body. She was always telling him to own the minute. This was definitely his minute.

Robbie asked us to remember to call him Ami and to refer to him only in feminine pronouns. We slipped up a couple of times in the car but it wasn’t hard for us to accept him as one of us girls.

The maitre de at The Chart House complimented Ami on her ensemble and that made her feel good about herself. A handsome waiter pulled her chair out from the table for her and helped her push it in as she sat down. That was something Robbie had never experienced before and Ami appeared to enjoy it.

“Ladies, I planned this dinner a couple of weeks ago, but I’m going to dedicate it tonight to Ami’s coming out. She’s been given the role of lead annunciation angel in the Rouge Castile Christmas play and I’ve agreed to design the costumes. I’ll make you all proud of me but I congratulate Ami. This is her night!”

Hana raised her glass of water and we clanked ours in towards hers so that they rang like a bell.

“Congratulations, Ami! Miss Owens made me an angel too!” I told them about the phone call my mother had received that morning. “That means we’ll be angels together, Meghan!”

Ami smiled giddily.

“Yea, Meghan! One more of us… and a boss named Chuck… and we’ll be Charlie’s Angels!”

Ami giggled.

“One more thing, girls,” Hana said. “Veronica Owens wanted me to tell Jun that she has the part of the third angel. Congratulations, Jun!”

“That does it!” Ami said. “We really are Charlie’s angels! Where’s Charlie?”

That’s when we all started giggling.

Our dinner went well. The Chart House was wonderful and the food was as excellent as we had expected it to be. Afterward, Patrick Stewart was marvelous in A Christmas Carol. He got several standing ovations. We were in the front row and he reached down and touched our hands.

Jun got to go backstage and meet Patrick Stewart. Hana had set up her meeting with Mr. Stewart months beforehand. And since Hana had arranged for Jun to see Mr. Stewart, we got to go backstage too!

Ami seemed to be enjoying the whole thing the most. Patrick Stewart kissed her hand and she turned a bright crimson red!

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Chapter 13
Friday, December 16, 1994

Mark Jenkins, dressed for his part as Joseph the father of Jesus, was ducking punches thrown at him by Jim Collins who was Melchior, the Magi bearing frankincense, and Henry Addams who was Gaspar, the Magi bearing gold. Luckily, the boys were not yet in possession of the props.

Daniel James who was Balthasar, the Magi bearing myrrh, sat by himself examining the lining of his costume and wondered if his hair was looking out of place. He looked as if he was enjoying his moment but he always had a way of fidgeting with his appearance.

Although the rough-housing boys were only play-fighting, they received blows that became giant black-and-blue bruises. It was a good thing that the long sleeves of their garments would cover up the discoloration because Veronica Owens would have come undone.

While the boys were fighting amongst themselves playfully in the room just off the staging area, Cindy Martin who was Mary, the mother of Jesus, and Judy West who was Elizabeth, her cousin, were talking and giggling as they found the marks for the first scene of the nativity play. Ben King, who was Zechariah, also found his mark. Several of the other children who were playing shepherds, boys and girls alike, were placed about the stage.
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No one had seen me or Robbie and Jun because we had been sequestered in Mrs. Hawes’ office so that nothing would happen to our costumes. Hana didn’t want us to lose feathers from the bulk of our angel wings. But most importantly, we didn’t want anyone to see Robbie prior to the play.
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Hana and Veronica, together, decided that although our hair was dark and most paintings showed blonde angels, we would stick with our natural hair color. The women had decided on a Fran Drescher look. Our hair would be as big and fluffy as Nanny Fran Fine wore it on television.
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Hana had spared no expense outfitting us. Robbie’s costume was the most lavish, of course, but that was because he was her son and he also happened to have the lead part. He was more important to the play than Mary and Joseph. Even the baby Jesus took second fiddle to him.

Robbie's wings were articulated so that they moved up and down as well as sideways. He could even swish them back and forth with a control hidden in the palm of his hand. Jun and my wings were beautiful but not nearly as intricate.
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We knew that everyone would be thrown for a loop when they saw Robbie’s breasts. No one had noticed them to this point. I hadn’t noticed them either and he is my best friend. He and Hana had been binding his breasts with an ace bandage and a sports bra but they could not do that for the play.

Robbie's, like mine and Jun's costume was designed in such a way that some of breast flesh would be visible. This would hasten their revelation and he would have to explain to everyone why his cleavage looked so real.

Robbie had come up with a relatively good explanation. The harness which attached the wings to his body and allowed him to be attached to a device that would make him appear to fly was based on a corset design. Rather than fabricate an entirely new corset device, Hana purchased three white ones at Victoria’s Secret. Due to the way the corset formed his body… he said it was for support… his breasts were pushed into the cups giving him ample cleavage.
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Robbie wore face and eye makeup and had his fingers and toes manicured. Hana found a nail lacquer called Always an Angel and had painted every cast member’s nails that color. Joseph had protested but was overruled by his mother. Everyone saw him trying to hide his fingers in his costume during practice but he had no pockets to thrust his hands into during the play. And his sandals would be open-toed.
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When Miss Owens had finished assembling the other kids on their marks, she ushered Robbie, Jun and me onto the stage. In order for the curtain to raise and reveal the first of our cast to the mothers and fathers and other family members, Jun, Robbie and I needed to be positioned on stage.

We were given our marks facing the audience with Zechariah and Elizabeth, facing toward us. You should have seen Ben King, who played Zechariah's eyes. I know he wanted to rub them but he must have had second thoughts. Judy West looked as if she wasn't phased by the feminized Robbie.

Robbie recited his lines and turned to Mary who would become the mother of the savior of mankind.

“Greetings, Mary. You are highly favored and the Lord is with you. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever. His kingdom will never end.”

Robbie seemed to be having the time of his life. His smile was genuinely radiant and he annunciated his words so perfectly that everyone in the audience clearly understood what he was saying. As the scene ended I saw people rising from their seats in a round of applause for the cast. Most especially they were complimenting my best friend Robbie Shannon for his performance thus far.
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In the second act, Robbie visited Joseph. In an angelic soprano, my best friend said:

"Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."

As he finished his speech to Joseph, Mark Jenkins immediately burst into laughter so loud that everyone could hear him. The people in the audience strained their necks to find out what the heck had happened and saw Mark whispering up to Robbie.

“So. You’re fairy godmother turned you into Princess Jasmine? But why did you ask for wings? Weren’t the boobs enough?”

Robbie’s joyous face saddened with the put-down Mark directed at him. No one in the audience could hear what the boy was saying, but Miss Owens could and she immediately ordered the curtains on the stage to be drawn.
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“What’s the meaning of this, young man?”

She was irritated.

“Just look at him, Miss Owens. He looks like a girl.”

“And what is that supposed to mean? Robbie is playing an angel and angels do look more like girls than they look like boys. If it was you in his place, you’d look like a girl, too.”

The children started laughing and Mark blushed.

“But nail polish and makeup? Isn’t that a bit too much, ma'am?”

“Look at yourself, Mark. You’re wearing face makeup and the same nail polish Robbie is wearing.”

“Yea. But I don’t have breasts and big poofy hair like a girl.”

The other children started laughing, but Robbie was nearing tears. He hadn’t started crying but I could tell that he was becoming deeply hurt.

“Well, I expect the rest of the play to go off without anymore interruptions. If you don’t make it through the rest of the play none of you will get to attend the holiday party tomorrow afternoon. I’ll cancel the whole thing.”

When the children heard that they promised not to say or do anything more to hurt Robbie’s feelings. Robbie recovered and finished the play. The crowning glory of the play was when he sang O Holy Night in his own natural soprano. He received a thunderous applause from the audience. The curtains closed and Miss Owens had a cast call.
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Our teacher called everyone to the stage and presented Robbie with a dozen red roses, the usual gift given to the stars of her plays. That, coupled with the ones his mother had given him had Robbie covered in sweet smelling flowers.
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As we readied ourselves to go home, several of the girls ran up and hugged Robbie. The boys kept their distance and sneered at him.

“You were wonderful!”

Cindy Martin said as she kissed Robbie on the cheek.

“You look like a million dollars, Robbie! How did you transform yourself so convincingly? Those breasts look so real!”

Robbie blushed and said something about the corset he still wore.

“Can you give me some pointers some time?”

Robbie blushed, shrugged his shoulders again and simply said, “I’d love to.”
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Chapter 14
Monday, December 19, 1994
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“Momma, I’m nervous. What if Daddy disowns all of us because of me? I don’t know if I could live with that thought on my mind.”

“Honey, if your father disowns us it shows how very little a person he really is.”

“But you love him, Momma.”

“Yes, Ami. I love your father deeply. He is very set in his ways, honey, but I know deep down inside of him, he loves you with all of his heart. I believe that he only wants what is truly best for you. We’ve got to let him see how happy you are as a girl, sweetie.”

“But he’s never seen me like this before, Momma.”

“And there’s a first time for everything, Ami. People change.”

“But this is a drastic change, Momma.”

“Not really, honey. You’re the same person you’ve always been with just a little different dressing.”

“And a new gender, Momma.”
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Hana treated Ami and Jun to a day at a day salon called My Favorite Things. When they came out of the salon Ami had a brand new set of acrylic nails that were lacquered in a color called I Can’t Believe It’s Christmas. It was from a new line by one of Hana’s favorite cosmetics companies. Its festive holiday color was much like Santa’s red suit but had subtle green, blue and gold flecks mixed into it.

Ami had her first facial and felt invigorated. The beautician also arched her eyebrows into delicate wisps. When she saw her face in the hand-held mirror she couldn’t believe how much a simple thing like thinning one’s eyebrows could enhance her feminine appearance. And the funny thing was that Ami was not wearing any makeup at all.

The beautician went to work on her face and applied the slightest amount of makeup. A smoke-colored tint was applied to her lids and a touch of eyeliner and mascara finished her eyes. A rosy rouge powder was lightly applied to her cheeks. Then she tinted Ami’s lips with a color that matched her nails exactly. Ami was floating on cloud nine.

The next stop was to have their hair done. Ami didn’t want any of her hair cut, but the stylist convinced her to let him trim the edges. He told Ami that her hair would grow much faster if she did and Ami agreed to only the slightest amount being taken off. He trimmed her bangs so that they evenly framed her face.

As the girls walked from the hair salon, Ami was wearing a pair of hip-hugger jeans, a red midriff-baring halter top and, since it was rather cold out, a black pea-coat duster. Her feet were enveloped in her brand new pair of Nine West three-inch high-heeled boots. Adding all that she had been through that day, she looked like a million bucks.
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Thursday, December 22, 1994
As Ami, Hana and Jun boarded the United 747 at Lindbergh Field that would take them to Denver International Airport for their connector flight to New York City, the five-fifty departure time was soon extended to six-forty due to heavy snow on the eastern seaboard.

Several high school boys went out of their way to try to talk to Ami. Each of the boys thought that she was in high school but she alone knew that she would be thirteen-years-old in only a few days. The boys kept telling her how pretty she was and kept asking her for her phone number. Because of all the attention, Ami was having the time of her life.

The stop-over in Denver, Colorado was about thirty-minutes and the Shannon girls had to run from one end of the terminal to the other in order to make their connection. They barely made it in time and soon Ami would spend the next hours wondering what her father would say about how she looked and who she was deep inside.
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Robert Shannon was there to pick his family up when they arrived at JFK. Hana had given him a call to inform him of their delay so he was prepared for their late arrival. What he was not aware of was what was happening with his son.

For eleven hours Ami had been treated just as she appeared, a soon-to-be-thirteen-year-old young lady.
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As Ami, her mother and her sister approached the end of the arrival tunnel, Robert spotted Hana and Jun but looked perplexed when he didn’t see Robbie. What he saw was a young girl with his wife but didn’t put two-and-two together for a couple of seconds. When he realized that the teen-aged coed was his son, Robert looked very irritated. When they made it to where he was standing, Robert took Hana off to the side by themselves.
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“Why the hell is our son dressed like that, Hana?”

Robert wasn’t yelling but could have been if they were alone and not surrounded by thousands of people.

“Are you crazy, Hana? What if someone asks him for his identification? You’ve got to be out of your mind.”

“Ami is dressed like that because that’s the way she wants to dress from now on, Robert.”

Hana spoke is a firm, non-apologetic voice.

“Besides, she hasn’t been treated any differently than Jun or I have been treated all the way here.”

“But Jesus Christ, Hana, he’s a boy.”

“Have you taken a good look at her lately, honey. I don’t see any boy in her at all.”

“But this is ridiculous, Hana.”

“No it isn’t, Robert. You can see her. Look at her, honey. Look around her. She’s got the attention of every teen-aged boy in this airport.”

“Sure, he does, Hana. But that’s because he’s making a spectacle of himself. Is that dress he’s wearing short enough?”

“Spectacle? Robert? Ami’s not trying to fool anybody anymore. Have you ever really sat down and talked to her since her accident?”

“Well… honestly, Hana, I’ve been very busy.”

“Busy? Robert, it’s been seven years. Being busy is no excuse. I love you, honey, honestly, I do… but I also love Ami. You need to get to know your new daughter. She’s really quite a wonderful lady.”

“Ami?”

“Yes, honey, that’s Robbie’s name now. I mean, it’s the name she’s going to be using after she graduates from Rouge Castile in March. After that she’s going to be living full-time as a girl… as our daughter.”

“And you’re going to let him, Hana? Are you fucking nuts?”

“Watch your mouth, Robert. You know about the test results. You saw the CAT scans. Ami has everything it takes… all the reproductive organs… everything it takes to become a mother.”

“What’s he going to say when the other girls start talking about their menstrual cycles and their new boyfriends? Robbie’s not gay is he? Well...I’ll take that back. He is gay. Look at what he’s wearing.”

“Honey, Ami tells me that she isn’t gay, so we have to believe her. And, besides, she’ll have menstrual cycles, too. On that subject she’ll have plenty to discuss with her girl friends.”

“Ugh. Has he said anything about boys? I mean, does he like them?”

“Ami hasn’t told me that she likes boys but Meghan mentioned that she’s said something to her about them.”

“And?”

“I guess Ami likes boys, honey. I’m just going to let her tell me about that when the time is right.”

“My son’s a freak.”

“No, honey. Ami is no freak. She is brilliant and witty and very intelligent. Why don’t you try to talk to her while we’re here? It’s Christmas, after all. And it’s Jun and Ami’s birthday. It’s my birthday, too, Robert Shannon. The best present you can give me is to get to know your new daughter.”

Robert quickly changed the subject.

“So I guess we have to take him out looking like that.”

“Robert, Ami looks adorable. You’ve got to agree with me about that.”

“Why do I have to agree with you?”

“Because if she wasn’t with me and Jun, you’d be trying to get into her panties. We need to talk about your new secretary…”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

He tried to change the subject again, but couldn’t.

“I wouldn’t try to get into his pants, Hana. I’m into girls.”

“You bastard. We’ve got some talking to do when the girls aren’t around.”

“Yeah, talk, talk, talk, that’s all you ever want to do.”
“Well, if you talked more to other people, you wouldn’t be surprised about Ami.”
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Reluctantly Robert took his girls to dinner at Aureole in Manhattan’s Upper East Side. As they entered the brownstone that housed the renowned restaurant, he was having a lot of trouble accepting the fact that his son was in a short red dress, had red acrylic nails and breasts that would put most girls his age to shame.

What bugged Robert the most was that Ami and Jun were acting so much like two sisters, giggling between themselves. He saw them pointing to a young man in a Hugo Boss suit on the arm of a young woman wearing Armani. Ami was ogling the gentleman and he winked at her. She threw him a kiss as he sat down at his table. The young woman looked like her eyes were daggers. Ami giggled some more with Jun.

It was only then that Robert wished that he’d taken the time to talk to Robbie more as he was growing up. He couldn’t do that anymore because, obviously, Robbie had switched teams and was batting for the other side, so to speak. As he was watched his son he couldn’t kick the feeling that maybe he really had failed in his role as a father.

The waiter kept treating his son as female, referring to Ami in feminine adjectives, but all Robert saw was his little boy dressed up as a girl, his legs and breasts so totally exposed. What really gnawed at Robert, however, was that he seemed to be to enjoying himself. He could smell his son and he smelled like the Vera Wang fragrance he was wearing.

After dinner he watched his son gleefully enjoy The New York City Ballet’s rendition of The Nutcracker. He even saw his son prance off to use the ladies restroom with Hana and Jun. He bit his lip when all of them passed through the door marked WOMEN.

Robert saw all this and his blood temperature nearly boiled. He had to put a stop to this whole profane charade and he had to stop it right there and then. As Ami came out of the restroom with her mother and sister, Robert took the child by her arm.

“Come with me Robbie,” he said. “I want to have a word with you.”

“Okay, Daddy, but you’re hurting my arm. And please call me Ami. Please, Daddy?”

“I will not. Your name is Robert…”

“Daddy, it is Robert now but please call me Ami, tonight. Please?”

“Oh, all right. May I have a word with you, Ami?”

“Daddy?”

“Yes, Ami?”

“I’ve had a wonderful night! Thank you for the nicest birthday present ever!”

“Well… I… uh…”

“I love you, Daddy. I hope you can grow to accept me like this.”

“Well… uh… I…”

Ami batted her eyes at her father and Robert couldn’t help but see the same look Hana had given him when she was Robbie’s age. “Thank you, Daddy. I love you!”

As Ami kissed her father on the cheek, Hana and Jun found them and put their arms around Robert.

“Thank you, honey,” Hana said. “Thank you for not making a scene.”

“Sure... I guess?”

“Let’s go get the girls some ice cream! What do you say?”

“Well… okay.”

Robert gave in and as they scurried to find the nearest ice cream parlor he couldn’t help but scheme about getting his only son back. Why couldn’t I have spent more time with him when he was young? He thought to himself.

As the Shannons found a Baskin Robbins’, Robert knew he had to find a way to reclaim his son. After all it was for his son’s own good.

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Chapter 15
Robert Shannon’s penthouse was paid for by his law firm, but he held the title to it. That was one of the fringe benefits of being a Williams, Thorenson & Kettering partner and another reason that he didn’t want to return to San Diego.

Robert worked for one of the most prestigious firms in town, had a great view of the Hudson River and if you looked ever so closely you could see Lady Liberty lighting the way to the world’s most prosperous city. However, a spectacular view like this could not quell the anger he was feeling since he saw his son dressed in that tiny red dress.

Robert had a Christmas tree erected in his condominium to bring his family into a festive holiday mood. He had hired several window decorators who had worked on the Macy’s windows to create a wondrous tree before he knew about his son. Beneath it lay an abundance of gifts bearing the names of each of his family. But Robert Alan Shannon, Sr. was no longer in the Christmas spirit.

Hana saw the tree and swooned. Ami and Jun thought that it was nice, but they were tired and retreated to the rooms that were theirs when they visited their father on vacations, to ready themselves for bed. They skipped down the hall whispering to each other gleefully.
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It wasn’t long before Hana and Robert were alone in the expansive grand room. There was a fire raging in the massive flagstone fireplace. Normally this would have been a romantic setting, but Robert could not shake the sense of betrayal that his son had flung in his face.

“I don’t think I like this whole Robbie-trying-to-be-a-girl thing one bit, Hana,” Robert’s temper had, by that time, flared to red hot. “No son of mine should be parading around New York City looking like some goddamn little drag queen. It’s just not right.”

Hana patiently allowed her husband to get whatever it was that bugged him off his chest.

“I want him to put on some real clothing,” he said. “And I want you to take him and get his hair cut tomorrow. I want him to look like my fucking son, not some teen-aged debutante.”

Hana quit biting her lip and told Robert exactly what she thought.

“First of all, Robert, Ami only has girl clothes with her. She didn’t pack any boy clothes at all. And anyway, when she is at home she doesn’t want to wear boy things anymore. She threw them all away. I certainly wasn’t going to make her dress in her school uniform for her Christmas vacation. Secondly, even if she changed into whatever masculine things you wanted her to wear, Robert, she’d still look like a girl. Even if she shaved her head bald, she’d still look like a girl, honey.”

“I don’t care, Hana. I want you to take him and get his hair cut tomorrow.” Robert repeated his earlier demand. “He can see my stylist. And I want you to stop calling him her. It’s bugging the hell out of me for Christ’s sake. The child’s a boy and he should be acting like a boy.”

“You really are out of touch with your child, aren't you? I see her every day of her life, Robert, and I’ve never seen her do anything remotely the same way that a boy does. Never. She’s a girl, Robert. Some day she can have a child. You know that. Can a man give birth to a baby? Now you can throw out the bathwater, but you don’t want to throw the baby out with it. You’ll be the one who loses the most in the long run if you do.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Hana?”

“You can put Ami into boy clothes but she’ll always be a girl.”

“It’s your fault that he’s that way, Hana. You and that crackpot doctor cut his penis off. You ripped the balls from his body. You deprived him of his testosterone and you turned him into a girl. Those CAT scans are probably just the doctor’s scam too. I hold you two accountable for raping him and turning him into a girl.”

“That’s ridiculous, Robert. It’s nobody’s fault. Not mine or yours. It's not Sandra Hart’s fault. Hell, it’s not even Robbie’s fault.”

“Then whose fault is it? God doesn’t make mistakes.”

“It’s not even God’s fault, Robert. Don't blame him. He got it right. He created a beautiful spirit and put it into the body of our child. Ami's spirit is feminine, honey. If anyone is to be blamed, it would be Mother Nature herself.”

“How do you know that?”

“I’ve been reading websites and talking to people who are intersexed, Robert. That’s how I know.”

“You’re talking to a bunch of quacks?”

“No, Robert. I’m talking to people who know about girls like Ami. I’m talking to people who are intersexed and transgender themselves.”

“Just as I thought. You’re listening to a bunch of quacks. And you’re letting what they say turn our son into a girl. You were the one who told the doctor to cut off his balls and his penis. You’re to blame for everything, Hana. I hold you accountable.”

“Robert, even if Ami still had her penis and testicles and even if he was producing testosterone, those things wouldn’t be what would make her into a boy or a man, don’t you see? Character and personality factor into it too. And right now the rotten taste of your character makes you into the spoiled little child. Given Ami’s character and yours, I know she’d win out in the long run. She’s kind, gentle and caring. You’re not. You’re not thinking about what’s right for Ami. It’s never been about her. It’s always been about you and I’m getting sick of it, Robert.”

“Bull shit, Hana.”

“Robert, I expect you to be kind to Ami for the next couple of days. You might not like how she’s dressed and you may not like how she looks, but she is your child and she deserves to be treated fairly on her birthday and for Christmas. When we go back to San Diego you won't have to worry about her.”

“But…”

Hana cut her husband off. “And while she is here I expect you to treat her like a young lady. If you’d just talk to her you’d find out that she is very bright and intelligent, Robert. She’s all the things I saw in you when we met back in high school. And in spite of how you're treating her, Robert, she really does still love you. I don't know why...”

“Hell, Hana. This whole thing is fucking weird,” Robert thought for a minute. “Hell, I’ll try but I’m not going to accept the fact that Robbie wants to humiliate himself and become a girl. What boy in his right mind would do that to himself? It’s just not logical.”

“All I can ask, honey, is that you try to get to know her.”

“Whatever.”
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Robert and Hana were ready for bed when Jun came in to kiss her parents goodnight. Hana was reading a book and facing away from Robert. She turned towards them as Jun said goodnight.

Jun whispered something in her father’s ear that caused him to push her away. She almost fell to the floor but steadied herself. That startled the ten-year-old girl.

Robert had fallen just short of being violent with his youngest child. Jun whimpered and apologized to her father for what she had just said. She added that she still loved him then left the bedroom.

Five minutes later, Ami sheepishly approached her father and her mother watched. Ami had been crying and tears were evident on her pink teddy. She had no makeup on but she still looked gorgeous. To anyone but Robert it was evident that she would one day become a radiant young woman.

Robert still could not get over the fact that he was losing his only son.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, Robbie?”

“Daddy, I hope you can eventually see that I’m happy. I’ve never felt like I was supposed to be a boy. Believe me, all I want to do is make you happy. I love you, Daddy.”

Ami tried to hug her father but he flinched away from her roughly.

“I’m not ready for this but I do love you, Robbie.” Robert mumbled, “I hope you know that I only want what’s best for you, son.”

“Then let me be happy, Daddy.”

Ami kissed her father on the cheek. It amazed Hana that he allowed her to do so given his previous reaction to the child. Maybe he was letting her kiss him because he had pushed Jun away earlier. Anyway, he let Ami kiss him but he looked like he was in agony as her lips touched the skin of his cheek.

Ami gave her mother a hug and a kiss then she left her parents’ bedroom.

"I love you Momma. I love you Daddy."

She left the room and her perfume slowly faded.

“Robert, please give her a chance. When you get to know you her you’ll find out how wonderful she really is.”

“Whatever.”

Robert turned off the light and he rolled over facing his wall and Hana faced hers.
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Chapter 16
Saturday, August 31, 2002

I had been in classes most of the day. When I finally had the chance to check my e-mail I was greeted by the usual Future Supermodels of America interplay, various online magazines and one message from Michelle James. I immediately opened her e-mail.
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To: Meghan Johnson
From: Danielle James
Subject: Just wanted to say hi!

Hi Meghan!
It’s been weeks since we’ve chatted or even talked. I’d really love to hear your voice! Please call me at home. You have my number. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Love you, sweetie!
Michelle
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I dialed the phone and it didn’t take two rings before Michelle James answered. We had talked hundreds of times on the phone since the Disneyland trip but her e-mail made it sound urgent that we talk.

“Hello? This is Michelle James.”

“Hi Michelle! It’s Meghan. Are you okay?”

“Oh… yes, Meghan. I just need to talk to you about some things that have been going through my mind for a long time.”

“Are they bad, sweetie?”

“No, Meghan. I just don’t know how you are going to take what I have to say when I say it. It’s just that if I don’t tell you what I have to tell you I’ll just never be able to live with myself anymore. But it’s hard to tell you what I have to tell you because I don’t know if you’ll like me anymore afterward.”

“Honey? I don’t know that you can say anything that’s going to ruin our friendship.”

“Well... here goes... I used to go to school with you, Meghan.”

“Sweetie? I thought you grew up in St. Louis?”

“I did. But before we moved to St. Louis, I went to school with you.”

“Oh? Did you go to Bishop’s?”

“No, Meghan… I was one of your classmates at Rouge Castile Academy.”

“Oh? Who were your teachers?”

“Veronica Owens was my sixth-grade teacher. Emily Welden was my fifth-grade teacher. Brianna Tillman was my fourth-grade teacher…”

“Wait a minute, honey... aren’t we the same age?”

“Yes, Meghan. We are.”

“Were you a grade behind me or in front of me?”

“No, Meghan. I was promoted in 1994.”

“Oh? I was promoted in 1994 so that would make you and I classmates.”

“Yes, Meghan. We were classmates.”

“But I don’t remember a Michelle James... I thought I remembered all of the kids.”

“I know. You knew me when name was Daniel. I was Daniel James.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and didn’t say anything for almost a minute. I accidentally dropped the phone and when I found it and returned it to my ear I could hear her Michelle crying.

“Michelle, are you alright?”

“Do you hate me, Meghan?”

“No, honey. I don’t hate you. It’s just so surprising. When did you go through your change?”

“The summer between my sixth-grade and seventh-grade years. My Daddy’s best friend is a genital plastic surgeon in Portland and he did the sex-change for me. I don’t like the term sex-change because I was always a girl… I like genital reassignment better. We kind of did the operation under the table, so to speak. God, I was barely thirteen years old.”

“It must have been hard on you... I mean, hiding your secret for so long, sweetie.”

“It was, Meghan. I was having a hard time living as a boy. You must have seen how well I fit in with the other guys.” She laughed nervously but continued, “My folks were wonderful and accepted me as their daughter with few reservations. Now I’m a architecture undergrad at M.I.T. and I talk with my parents everyday.”

“M.I.T.? Architect?”

“Yes, It's hard to believe, isn’t it?”

“No. It’s just that it’s... it’s wonderful!” I said, “Have you had trouble with your friends? Has anyone found out about your transition?”

“Well, when I left San Diego, all those friends who could have known were left behind. I missed you most and... and... and I made new friends in St. Louis but they knew me only as Michelle. At school I’m accepted as just another coed. No one knows about my past unless I choose to tell them. My boyfriend doesn’t even know and we make wonderful love all the time! He says he can't get enough of me!”

“That’s great! I’m happy for you, sweetie,” I said. “But when we were at Disneyland, I had no idea you were transsexual. You acted so much like a girl that it’s not even funny. You seemed to be accepted by the girls that you were with.”

“Well, thank you for the compliment, Meghan!” She talked in a girlish soprano. “Louise and Gayle have been my friends forever. I met them when I first moved to Missouri. Oh! Do you ever see Robbie Shannon anymore?”

I had to consider how I would respond to Michelle’s question. I didn’t want to give away my best friend’s past even though I now knew of Michelle’s own conversion from male-to-female.

“Not much, honey… but I’ll try to get in touch with him… for you.”

“Thank you, Meghan. He was always so nice to me. He wasn’t like the other kids. I think that we had a lot of things in common. We were always the ones that got picked on by the other boys. I just wanted to thank him for being so nice and let him see how well I’ve turned out as a human being.”

“Well, Michelle, maybe we can make that happen. What are you doing for Christmas vacation?”

“Well, I’m going home to see my folks for Christmas, but the week after that I’m free.”

“Why don’t you come out to Las Vegas for New Year’s Eve?” I asked. “You can stay with me and Ami for the weekend… maybe see Elizabeth Goode.”

“I’d like that, Meghan. I don’t want to impose upon Ami, though. Is she still seeing Kaz?”

“Yes, and they're madly in love. You know, sweetie, Ami won’t mind another body in our condo. We could go out and do the Vegas tourist thing. You’ll be twenty-one, won’t you? We can ring in 2003 in style!”

“It sounds tempting… you’re sure Ami wouldn’t mind? I don't want to impose on either of you.”

“Honey, I know that she won’t. I don't mind either. Kaz is coming in for a couple of days so the more, the merrier! I’ll invite Robbie Shannon to spend some time with us and we can make it a New Years day reunion of sorts!”

“Thank you, Meghan. You don’t know how much this means to me! I’ll give you a ring in a couple of days? We can finalize plans.”

As I hung up the receiver I was glad that Michelle accepted my offer but now how was I going to get Ami to go along with my plans?
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Monday, December 30, 2002
Ami's grandparents left her an inheritance that allowed her and Jun to live comfortably for the rest of there lives. With part of the money she bought a condominium in Turnberry Place that just happened to be in the same tower that the Goodes lived. She also bought a place in downtown San Diego, one in La Jolla and one in New York City. But she lived in Las Vegas most of the time.

The Nevada residence was a four-bedroom, three-and-one-half-bath estate that took advantage of sweeping southwesterly views of the Las Vegas Strip. We’d often just sit on the sofa watching the pretty lights play against the deep azure blues and purples of the early evening sky. As the night grew older the intensity of the colors were a feast for anyone’s eyes.

Ami’s bedroom was the master suite, of course. Mine was the bedroom third in order of size but I liked it because it faced toward Caesars Palace where I worked occasionally as a cocktail waitress. One of the bedrooms was fashioned into an office where we kept our computers and business equipment.

When Michelle got to the condominium she would take advantage of the room next to Ami’s which had been outfitted to rival any high-roller suite in the city of lights. A spacious bathroom was tiled in rose granite and had a huge Jacuzzi tub capable of entertaining two bathers comfortably. A king-size bed was fitted with red satin sheets and a matching velvet comforter. A canopy floated over it that was ensconced in beautiful red roses.
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I was not home when Michelle arrived because I was still at work at Caesars. Ami was there and had been talking to Kaz on her cell phone. When Ami answered the intercom the doorman announced that Michelle had arrived. Ami asked Clifford to help carry her bags up to the residence and he was only too happy to do so. Ami is a good tipper.

As Ami opened the door Clifford followed her to the guest room and sat the suitcases next to the bed. Ami gave him one-hundred dollars and thanked him for his help.
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“Ami! You look wonderful!” Michelle almost sang it out. “Thank you for letting me stay here over New Year’s weekend!”

“It’s my pleasure, sweetie! Why don’t you come into the living room and we can talk about your trip?”

Michelle was in awe of Ami’s condominium. The sofa faced a huge picture window and most of the major Vegas hotels were in view. They talked about Michelle’s trip from Cambridge and about her studies in school. Michelle was on her way to becoming an architect and had several offers already from major firms along the eastern seaboard.
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“Did you ever meet Robbie Shannon, Ami?”

Ami thought that that was an interesting question considering that they were talking about integrated architecture within a balanced ecosystem.

“Why do you ask?” Ami queried.

“He was always so nice to me and I thought that Meghan would have talked about him to you. I thought maybe the two of you might have met.”

“Well, Meghan has mentioned Robbie before but I haven't had the privilege of his presence. How do you know him?”

“We went to school together in grade school.”

“Where was it that you went to school together?”

“The Rouge Castile Academy in La Jolla.”

“That’s right. That’s where Meghan said that she went to school. Did you have a crush on the boy? A crush on Robbie?”

“I don’t know if you can call it a crush. I admired the hell out of him, though... even at our young ages.”

“He must have been very special to you.”

“He was. I guess you could call him the best friend... male or female... I've ever had. He and I were the runts of our school. We were always chided… ridiculed. He tried to play on a baseball team but got hurt.”

“They made fun of him and you?”

“Yes.”

“But you’re so pretty. How could anyone ever make fun of you, Michelle?”

“It’s a long story, Ami.”

“I’ve got two ears, sweetie. If you want to talk to me, I’ll listen. I’ve even got a shoulder to cry on… if you need to cry. I’m here for you Daniel.”

Michelle's eyes widened.

“Robbie?”

“Yes. Michelle, I used to be Robbie. I used to be him and I'd still consider it an honor to be your friend!”

Ami and Michelle hugged.

And their tears flowed.

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STRONG CAUTION ON CHAPTER SEVENTEEN OF “THE EYES OF AN ANGEL”...
If you are offended by descriptions of extreme violence and use of graphic language, please consider skipping this chapter.
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Chapter Seventeen
Wednesday, December 23, 1997

New York is a city full of life especially around Christmas time. The tree in Rockefeller Center is always enough to cheer anyone if by its shear beauty alone. I had visited it once or twice with my mother and father but I was very young. The Shannon children had been there every Christmas since they were four-years-old.
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Since it was colder that morning than it was the evening before, the family was dressed quite a bit warmer. The girls wore matching outfits exchanging their dresses for warm jeans and pink down-filled ski jackets. Mittens hid the pretty colors on their fingers. Scarves covered their necks and chests. And Ami still looked every bit a young lady.
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By the weatherman’s prediction, it was about thirty degrees and they could see their breath falling from their mouths but that did not deter any their enthusiasm. They were on a quest to have a good time.
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One of Jun’s birthday presents had been a private meeting with Kathy Lee Gifford. Anna Brightman, a secretary for her father’s law firm... Anna had befriended Jun on one of those days that Robert couldn’t possibly get away from his precious business... had arranged it.

Hana and Jun were somewhere in the General Electric building enjoying the time with Regis Philbin’s television partner, probably drinking mulled apple cider. That gave Robert the opportunity to be alone with Ami for two hours. Ami had asked her father to go skating on the Ice Rink beneath the giant Christmas tree while Prometheus would stand guard over them.

Although her father had never been a good skater, Ami seemed destined to be on the ice. Once there, she put all of the other young ladies to shame. She wasn't bad for a born-and-bred San Diego girl!

Robert skated with Ami and wouldn't allow her out of his sight. Still, after about an hour, he became separated from her. He found his way to a concession stand and bought a cup of coffee to warm his bones. He sat down on one of the benches and surveyed the rink.

Robert was slowly becoming accustomed to Ami’s new gender. Hana had read the riot act to him and had given him a lot more than that to consider even after the girls went to bed. She wasn't too pleased with him treating Ami in such a brash way for something she had no control over.
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Robert was growing comfortable on the bench when he spied Ami skating as a young man approach her. Robert decided to watch for a while but really didn’t know what to think. Ami began talking and skating with young man for a while. She was so graceful that it nearly knocked her father over. He even cracked a smile when they started to skate around the rink in circles and figure eights.

Soon the young man, who appeared to be of late high-school age, took Ami’s right hand in his and they skated together in tandem as if they would be performing in the Olympics. Ami’s body moved nearly in sync with his and when he tossed her in the air, Ami landed on the ice as though they had practiced it hundreds of times before.

The young man gave Ami a peck on her lips and Robert didn't like that one bit. He jumped to his feet, nearly tripped over a little girl who was tying her skate, and darted to Ami’s vacinity.
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“Ro... ungh... Ami.”

“Hi Daddy!” Ami smiled. “Daddy, this is Peter. He’s training to be an Olympic figure skater.”

Robert reluctantly extended his hand to the young man and shook it.

“You skate well, young man. Looks like you and my so… my er... my daughter… it… it looks like you were... you were born to skate together.”

Ami blushed. She and Peter were holding hands tightly and it was apparent that the young man was in the process of developing affection for Ami.

“Thank you, sir. Ami is the one who should be in the Olympics.”

“Oh? Really?” Robert was sarcastic in his reply.

“You must have seen her skating, sir?”

“Peter asked me to go out with him tonight for dinner, Daddy. Can I? Please? Daddy, can I?”

Robert didn’t know what to say. He obviously hated being put on the spot in front of someone he didn’t really know. He also detested the fact that his son was being accepted so readily as a young woman. This fueled his sarcasm even more.

“Oh? And what were your plans for hi... uh... he... her Peter? A late night rendezvous over martinis? Smooching in Central Park. A romp in the sack?”

“No sir. It’s nothing like that at all. I’m staying at the hotel across the street from your condominium… Ami told me where you live… I hear that they have a great nightclub in your building! I’d love to take Ami out for dinner and maybe do some dancing afterward. Your daughter is very beautiful. I promise to have her home at a reasonable hour.”

Robert spat in the boy's face. “How old are you, Peter?”

“Seventeen, sir.”

“But my suh... my daughter is only turning thirteen, Peter.”

Peter looked flustered. “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t ask her how old she was. I thought that she was sixteen or seventeen tops.”

Robert struck out at the boy and abandoned any feminine reference to Ami.

“Well he’s not eighteen, his name is Robbie and he’s a boy. So if you like to pick up on thirteen year old boys, maybe you’re a pervert, Peter. But I say that you’re a goddamn homosexual. You freaking faggot.”

“He?”

Peter looked sick to his stomach and quickly released Ami’s hand. He violently pushed her away from him.

“God. I thought you were a girl. I don’t understand? Why are you dressed like a girl? God! I’m going to be sick. Why do you let him dress like a girl if he’s a boy?”

Robert lurched at him but Peter skated quickly away.

In the meantime, Ami’s joyous expression had faded and she felt utterly ashamed of herself.

Robert yelled at Peter to fuck off and die as Ami rapidly skated from the rink. She returned her skates quickly then hailed a taxi to take her back to her father’s condominium.
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Ami couldn't get in the condo fast enough. When she did, she locked all of the locks and dead bolts, then ran to her room and locked the door. She then called me in San Diego.
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“Meghan?”

I could tell that she was crying.

“Hey sweetie! What’s the matter? Aren’t you having a good time in New York? How'd your daddy...”

Her crying became very bitter.

“I hate my Daddy and I wish that I was dead.”

“What happened, Ami?”

“I can’t go on living, Meghan...”

“Ami? What happened?”

“Well, Meghan, I just met this dreamy boy a couple of hours ago while we were skating. He liked me and wanted to take me out dancing tonight in the club in Daddy’s building…”

“And?”

“Well, Daddy was calling me Ami and referring to me as a girl until Peter asked my father if he could take me out. Then Daddy told him that I was a boy and he called Peter a pervert.”

“Oh, Ami. I’m sorry. Are you going to be okay?”

“I don’t know, Meghan. I’ve never been so embarrassed.”

“Where’s your momma and Jun?”

“Jun got a birthday present to meet Kathy Lee Gifford. They're in Rockerfeller Center somewhere. Jun’s singing for Kathy Lee.”

“So, you’re all alone?”

“Yes, Meghan. I'm scared. I wish that you were here.”

Robert Shannon arrived at the condo and had just slammed the door shut behind him. I could hear him cussing in the background over my phone.

“Me, too, honey. What’s that I hear?”

“It’s Daddy... he just got home.”

Ami started to squeal.

“He sounds mad, Meghan. He sounds really, really mad.”

Ami was talking more like a little girl than I had ever heard her sound before and she was sobbing. She cried uncontrollably but managed to speak.

“I’m afraid, Meghan…”

“Honey, be careful."

"Help me, Meghan!"

"I wish I was there for you.”

“You’re here in my heart, Meghan! Please stay on the line. Please?”

“Okay, sweetie.”

I could hear Robert trying to open the door to Ami’s bedroom. I imagined him slamming his body against it. Then I could hear him pounding at the door. It did not sound pleasant at all and I feared for the safety of my very best friend.

“Meghan.”

Ami was delirious.

“Meghan! Please help me. I’m really, really scared!”

I tried to answer her but she had dropped the telephone into her pillow. I could still hear what was going on but everything was a bit muffled. It sounded like she was struggling to keep her father from coming into her room.
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“Open up you little prick.”

I heard everything he said as clear as if I was standing in the room.

“No, Daddy. I’m scared of you.”

“What in the hell are you trying to prove, Robbie? You’re not a girl. You shouldn’t be making boys think that you are.”

“But, I am a girl, Daddy. Really I am. I ‘m really a girl.”

Ami could not control her tears and barely managed to speak.

“Bull shit, Robbie. You’re my son and you’re going to start acting like my son or I’ll knock some sense into you. You may have your mother fooled, but I’m smarter than she is. Now apologize to me you little mother fucker.”

“No, Daddy. I won’t apologize to you. It’s you who should be apologizing to me.”

“For what? You goddamn little piece of shit.”

“You embarrassed me in front of Peter. Now he thinks that I’m a boy.”

“But you are a boy, Robbie. Goddammit. You’re a boy.”

“No, Daddy. I’m not and I’ve never been one. Never in my life have I really even felt like one.”

“I beg to differ with you, son.”

“What’s to beg, Daddy? I don’t have any boy parts.”

“It says on your birth certificate that you’re male.”

“But that’s just a piece of paper, Daddy. The doctor made a mistake. She didn’t know that I was really a girl.”

“But it’s legal and binding, son. You’re a boy according to the state of California.”

“Maybe according to them... but I’m a girl now, Daddy. In God’s eyes I’m a girl and always have been.”
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Robert had been slamming into the door so much that it weakened and finally gave way. The door jamb splintered into several large pieces and nearly hit Ami in her face.

When he was face-to-face with his child, Robert's rage became evident. He grabbed Ami by her arm and flung her against the wall. Ami slid to the floor and left an indentation in the wall. Luckily, she managed to remain alert.

“You’re hurting me, Daddy! Please stop!”

“I need to knock some sense into you, son. It’s for your own good. If you’re mother can’t cure you, I surely can.”

Robert slapped Ami across her face and her nose erupted in a torrent of blood. Some of it flew onto the wall and followed the contour of the dent her body had just made. Another slap from her father blackened her eye.

Ami managed to get to her bed but was becoming more and more dizzy. She almost fainted as her father left the room. She noticed the cell phone and picked it up.

“Are you still there, Meghan?”

Ami was horse and she was crying uncontrollably.

“Yes, honey. Are you okay?”

“I don’t know, Meghan. I don’t feel very well.”

“Do you want me to call your momma?”

“Would you? Please?”

“Okay, honey. I’ll hurry.”
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I hung up the phone as Robert returned to Ami’s bedroom. He was gone a little more than a minute but returned with a Nordstrom’s bag.

Robert tossed the contents of the bag onto the bed. There was a pair of battery-operated hair clippers, a tee shirt with an anti-feminist slogan blazoned across the chest, a pair of Levis 501 button-ups, a pair of Michael Jordan Air Nikes and some white tube socks.

Ami saw her father throw the things on the bed but she was taken by surprise when flipped the switch of the hair clippers and sheared some of her hair from her head.

Ami slapped at her father, hitting him sharply in the eye. Her nails snagged his cheek and he gushed blood onto her and the sheets of her bed. However, he met her with a powerful punch to her jaw that left her unconscious.

When Ami regained her consciousness she saw a big pile of raven black hair lying on the carpeting of her bedroom floor. She felt at her head and her father had shaved all of her to the scalp.

Ami began crying hysterically.

“Shut up, Robbie. It’s for your own good.”

“You had no right to do this to me. I hate you, Daddy.”

Ami was crying so hard that she gurgled. Then Robert slapped her hard across her cheek. She was out cold.
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Ami gained consciousness again, doubled her fists and hit at her father with downward motions. She did little harm to the man who outweighed her by over one-hundred pounds.

Robert grabbed Ami's wrists and eventually held both of them with one hand so that he had the other one free.

It was then that he started ripping the clothing from Ami's body. First he ripped her pretty new Dolce & Gabana blouse that her mother bought for her as an early Christmas present from her upper torso.

Then he yanked her bra from her chest letting the clasps to open. He was obviously flustered when he saw Ami's breasts fly free of the confines of the brassiere but he continued ripping away at her clothing.

Her brand-new Donna Klein slacks were next and the thong panties that matched the discarded bra. These ripped from her easily but he kept her lower torso.

As a result of Robert's rage, Ami was now naked in front of her lunatic father. He saw a girl, not his son, and flew into another rage. He couldn’t understand why she looked so much like a girl and had originally reasoned that it was all an act. Obviously, Ami was a girl.

Seeing his child, the one he regarded as a boy, naked in front of him only served to fluster him more. His rage was hotter than ever. The fact that Robbie was developing into a young woman only served to fire up his emotions. Ami had no penis; she had no testicles; she had no indicators that would have suggested she’d ever been a boy.
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“Put the clothes on, Robbie… you sicken me.”

“But, Daddy…” Ami whimpered.

“Put them on now you little asshole. And do something about those goddamn boobs. I'll cut them off if you don't."

"It's not my fault, Daddy,"

"Cover your freaking body. What boy would let someone do this to him? You disgust me.”
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Ami refused to heed her father's commands so he grabbed her inner thigh and right arm and eventually stood her up on her feet. His grip was so strong that humongous bruises were forming almost instantly.

The more her father grabbed her the more she tried to avoid contact with the boy clothing.

Her father became livid.

“Put the clothes on, you mother fucking little prick. It’s for your own goddamn good.”
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Ami was delirious. She could not keep from crying and squealed as her father punched her in her abdomen several more times.

“So you like looking like a little girl, asshole? Well I’m going to make a man out of you for your own good. Believe me, Robbie, you’ll appreciate this when you grow up.”

“Please, Daddy!”

Ami could not stop sobbing, she hurt so much.

“Stop it, Daddy! Please? You’re hurting me.”
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Blood was gushing from Ami’s nose. Robert’s wedding band had made contact with her upper lip and nicked the inside of her right nostril. Bruises now dominated most of her face and upper torso. She looked as if a rapist had worked her over good.

Soon Ami weakened and fell over onto her bed. Blood from her nose began puddling on her white Egyptian cotton sheets. Then she vomited.
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About that time, Hana and Jun were returning home. I wasn't able to make contact with Hana.

Robert heard the door open unlock and when it opened he froze in horror. He was hunched over his child. He became scared stiff.
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“Robert?”

Hana called to her husband as she was walking down the hall.

Jun ran ahead of her mother and was horrified when she saw her father lumbering over Ami on all fours.
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"Ami! We’re home!”

Hana wasn’t looking toward them but as she turned the corner she looked up.

“Kathy Lee was wonderful and...”
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Hana’s jubilation evaporated as she saw Ami lying on her bed curled up in a fetal position. She was bald, naked, shivering and bruised. Robert was straddling her and trying to force the Levi Strauss 501s up her legs.

When he saw Hana Robert flinched away from his endeavor.

Hana managed to summon enough strength to push Robert off her daughter. She threw her jacket over Ami and confronted her husband.

“You bastard!”

Hana had never been as mad as she was at that moment.

“How dare you lay a hand on my daughter! Why did you do this to her?”

Robert didn’t know what to say. He had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar and had no excuses. So, like an animal caught in the headlights of an oncoming car, he froze again.

As soon as he gained his composure, he began cussing out Hana, Ami and Jun.

“Fuck you, Hana. I did this for Robbie’s own good. He’s a goddamn boy. Jesus Christ! When are all of you going to learn that God made him a man?”

“You leave God out of this, you bastard!”

Hana temperature seared.

“You molested your daughter for her own good, Robert? Now you’re trying to make this a part of God’s will? Where’s the reasoning in that, you mother fucker? And why did you have to do that to her hair?”

“He was skating with a boy... they were going to…”

“So what gives you the right to shear off her hair?”

“The boy was treating him like a girl… I had to save him... make him look like my son... fuck you Hana, I don't need this. When are you going to see that all of this is wrong... that he’s a fucking boy?”
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Jun returned with an ice pack and put it on her sister’s eye. She tried to comfort Ami who was shivering and rocking back and forth uncontrollably. She kept the ice pack on her eye and the both of them cowered every time their father came too close to them.
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“Fuck all of you.”

Robert knew that he was wrong but had to take it out on someone.

“Fuck us, Robert? No. Fuck you. Once again you’re thinking only of yourself. You don’t even see that Ami might have feelings of her own. It’s all about Robert Allan Shannon. That’s all it ever was, is and ever shall be.”

“Jesus Christ, it’s for his own good.”

“Like hell it is, Robert. I’m going to call my sister Keiko. She’ll put us up for the rest of our stay in New York.”
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Robert disappeared into the master bedroom.
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Hana and Jun helped get Ami dressed in some warm clothes. Hana gathered up some clothing and rang Keiko’s number.
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Robert was in the living room when they began to leave.

“Get back here, Hana.”

Now Robert wavered. She would have none of it.

"No, Robert. We're leaving."

Robert began pouting like a little boy.

“It’s Christmas tomorrow. We need to open presents. You and my kids need Christmas. We need Christmas.”

Robert’s mood had changed. He was now acting like a small boy on Christmas day. This caused Hana grave concern.

“You and my girls have to open your presents. Please open your presents. Please, please open your presents.”

Robert was almost in tears.
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Ami and Jun could not stop crying. They flinched every time their father got near them.

Hana convinced them to open just one present. She made Robert sit across the room.

Jun reluctantly ripped the paper from a small box and found that it contained a Cartier watch. Ami’s present was a VISA card enclosed in a wallet of Italian leather. Hana’s was a diamond necklace. All of the presents, however, could not overshadow what had just happened.

“You can't buy our love, Robert. We've been trying to give it to you but you're the fool. You'll pay for what you did to Ami."

Robert cowered in the corner.

"You have all the nerve."

Robert continued to cower. He stood in the corner repeating “It's Christmas” until Hana told him to shut the hell up.

“I'm calling the police Robert."

Hana got the phone and called 9-1-1.

"We'll see what they have in store for you now.”

Robert just kept repeating “It's Christmas” over and over again like a child.
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Robert Shannon's mood changed when he realized that the police were on the way. Without cleaning up or putting a warm coat on, he ran from the condo in fear of his fate.

The dispatcher assure Hana that a pair of NYPD detectives and crew ofEMTs would arrive soon.
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A shivering Ami sat on the couch with a ski cap covering her now-bald head. Tears had been flowing constantly since she left the ice skating rink. She looked hysterical.

“It hurts, Momma.”

“Where, honey?”

“In my heart.”

Amy continued to cry bitterly.

“Why can't he see I'm not a boy, Momma?”

“I don't know, honey. He's a blinded fool.”

“But I tried to make him love me and look what he did.”

“Cry on my shoulder, honey. I'll never stop loving you.”

“Me neither, Ami. Momma and I will help you get through this. Meghan too. We love you.”

And they wept until help arrived.

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Chapter 18
Hana made a call to Sandra Hart, informing her about what happened to Ami. The doctor was fully aware that this was going to be Ami's coming-out to her father and she had cautioned Hana and Ami to proceed with caution. That was the plan until Robert flew off the handle with Ami and her skating partner.

Ami asked her mother several times if she could take a shower because she felt dirty all over. Her mother explained that taking a shower would not be a wise move. Something about being able to get samples from various parts of her body darted around in Hana's head.

“Did your father try to enter you, Ami?”

Ami didn't know what Hana meant but when it was explained to her Ami indicated that he had not. She did admit that several times she had lost consciousness and was unaware of what her father did during those periods.

Ami remembered coming to and seeing her hair on the floor but she couldn't recall the order of things when she blanked out on the other occasions. Hana put her arm around Ami and comforted her.
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The EMTs got to Robert Shannon's condominium in less than twenty minutes. Christmas is a harrowing time of year for paramedics in NYC.

The doorman brought the technicians up to the residence per Hana's orders. From ground level to the apartment took about a minute and soon there was a tapping on the door. The doorman announced himself and the EMTS then went back to his post.

There was a crew of five EMTs and each had a specific function. Each of them was a professional and accomplished their goal with greay efficiency.

The usual preliminary battery of tests were performed on Ami. They took her temperature, checked for other vital signs and broken bones. Luckily, it didn't appear that Ami's bones were broken but she did have some serious bruising.

Slap marks and punching bruises riddled Ami's body. She had two black eyes and a gash on the inside of her upper lip. There was some bleeding on her scalp where Robert had hastily rid her head of her beautiful hair. She resembled a beat-up version of Sinead O'Connor in that famous picture.

The grip marks of Robert's hands on Ami's wrists had had time to fully develop and the darkness was black enough that they seemed like hideous tattoos. Above her tummy was an especially horrendous bruise that caused Ami to scream when one of the female technicians gently touched it.

Ami was not in good condition.

Between moans, Ami tried to cooperate fully but she found it hard to speak. She had been crying and yelling so much that her voice was barely audible. From the sound of her voice and the screaming she must have done, it's a wonder the neighbors hadn't notified the police when the whole thing began.

One of the technicians asked Hana if Ami had showered. Hana remarked that Ami had not even though Amis pleaded to her mother that she “just wanted to get clean”.
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“The doctor will do the necessary vaginal swabs, checks and tests afer your daughter is admitted to the hospital, ma'am.”

Hana didn't know how to broach the topic of Ami's unique body condition. Although Ami didn't have a penis or testicles, she didn't have a vagina either.

The basis for this trip, besides it being birthdays and Christmastime, was to tell Robert about Ami's plans for transition. Ami had hoped that her father would take her news relatively well but, obviously, he had not.

“My daughter's a bit different than most girls, miss.”

Hana couldn't believe she'd said that out loud. She was glad she was speaking to a female EMT, Officer Gayle Godard.

“What do you mean Mrs. Shannon?”

“Ami's a girl, she just had a bit of a birth defect.”

“Is she really a boy?”

“No, nothing like that, although we thought she was, for a while, growing up. When she was developing... before she was born, that is... developmental issues dealing with her reproductive tract had occurred. When she was born she had what appeared to be a penis and little else. Soon, we thought, her testes had dropped, and we nurtured her as our son. She had an accident in Little League that set in motion a whole series of events. We discovered that she was an XX female and that, what we thought was a penis and testes were little more than misplaced skin and tissue. She is living completely female but her labia had fused together when she was still in my womb. Her father was upset...”
“I understand, ma'am. I've heard of the condition.”

The technician interrupted Hana, who couldn't seem to find an ending to her sentence.

“Once or twice, we've encountered individuals like your daughter.”
“I hope you understand, officer.”

“Yes, ma'am, I do. I'll indicate what you've said on Ami's documentation here.”
The technician allowed Hana to watch her write what she just said on her interview form. She even allowed Hana to correct whatever she saw that was incorrect in her statement.

“Thank you, Officer Godard.”

Hana was grateful that the technician had previous experience with individuals like Ami.

“You're welcome, ma'am. We're about through with your daughter and we'll be transporting her shortly. We'll be transporting her to NYU Medical Center. It's about a five-minute trip by ambulance. It's a good hospital and they'll treat Ami with utmost respect.”

“Thank you, Officer Godard.”
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Hana prayed to God as hard as she'd ever prayed that Robert hadn't attempted intercourse on his child. Surely he wasn't that much of a goon.

One of the other technicians, who had been observing how Miss Godard interacted with Hana, remarked that Ami's wounds didn't appear life-threatening, and they weren't. He kept it to himself that she looked worse than anyone he'd seen to date that he'd encountered.
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As one of the male technicians attended to the cut on Ami's lip, two detectives arrived at the residence.

Sergeant James Duncan and Lieutenant Christina Garson had seen worse, but barely. They interviewed Hana and Jun asking them to give a description of all that they had seen. Hana gave her story in full but twelve-year-old Jun couldn't finish her recollections.

Sergeant Duncan had attempted to interview Ami, but she broke down into hysterics just hearing his deep voice. Ami was, however, able to give Lieutenant Garson a fairly good testimony, albeit in a very soft and somewhat raspy voice. Given her state of mind, and how her body hurt like hell, she was able to recount each and every violent action her father had accomplished.
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As the EMT strapped Ami to the gurney, she was keeping her mother and sister in her line of sight. Ami managed to stay awake on the trip down to elevator and into the ambulance even though the IV was dripping a sedative into her blood system. She remembered the EMT closing the back door of the vehicle but not much more after that. She lost consciousness and didn't wake up again for almost two days.

Jun rode with her sister in the ambulance. Hana needed to stay behind to answer more of the detectives' questions. They would accompany her to the hospital soon afterward. She thought, too, that she needed to gather together some comfortable bed clothes for Ami.
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Thursday, December 28, 1994
It had been the worst experience either Hana or Jun experienced in their lives. It was even worse, obviously, for my best friend Ami. They had expected to be back in San Diego on the December 27 but the doctors in New York would not release her until they were sure she was capable of flying on an airplane.

Ami had regained consciousness earlier that morning and mentioned that she was really hungry. Hana asked the nurse if it would be possible to give Ami what she wanted to eat.

“Within reason.”

This nurse, Emily Wilson, was always short and to the point.

“Just nothing too heavy.”

“May I have some oatmeal with bananas on it and a glass of milk, please?”

Emily Wilson's lips parted a bit and formed a half-smile.

“I'll get it for you. Stay put.”

Where was she going to go anyway? She still felt very sore and her bruises were evident.

Aside from the IV and the monitoring equipment that Ami was hooked up to, the room looked almost like a normal bedroom.

Ami could see her reflection in the mirror across the room and she began to sob. Gone was her beautiful hair, her baldness being hidden beneath a surgeons cap that was pink in coloration. She could also see her eyes and was shocked by how black they were. Her face had several slap marks but not cut or stitches.

Ami surveyed her lower extremities. She could move her arms and was aghast when she discovered the deep and rich blackness of her wrists. The tenderness wasn't as unbearable as when she remembered her father holding her up by the wrists and violating her right to be her.

“The nightie is pretty, Momma.”

“It is, sweetie. I thought it would be more comfortable for you than the gowns the hospital provides.”

“Thank you, Momma.”

Hana smiled.

Ami's nightie was pink, almost the same color as her cap, and had roses all over them. She didn't raise the sheets to have a look at the rest of her body because she was ashamed of what she might see.

“Did he...”

“No, sweetie, he didn't violate you in that way.”

Hana explained to Ami all that the doctors found to be wrong with her body. Robert had inflicted thirty-one separate bruises, gashed her lip, blackened her eyes, shaved her bald but he had not tried penetrating his child. There was no evidence of semen anywhere on her body. What the doctors worried about the most, however, was what happened to her inside her head.

“Did they catch him?”

“No, honey. They don't know where he is. He hasn't returned to the condo and he hasn't accessed any of his personal funds. They don't know where he is.”

“I'm scared, Momma. What if he comes here? What if he follows us to San Diego?”

“They have an officer posted here, sweetie. When we get home I'll get us a guard.”

“Why did he do it?”

“I don't know, sweetie. I thought I knew your father.”

“Has he hurt you before, Momma?”

Hana didn't want to open that can of worms. For the most part, hers and Robert's marriage was good. Excepting the fact that he lived in New York City and she lived in San Diego, they were happy. They functioned as normal husband and wife when they were together.

“I don't know what you mean by 'hurt', honey.”

“Did he ever try to...”

“No sweetie. When we met he was very much the gentleman. We didn't even make out until we were sure we were met to be together. He'd buy me roses and candy; he'd open the doors for me and I felt like a princess.”

She recounted to Ami her courtship with Robert and got to the point when Ami was born.

“Your father was very proud when you were born. I wanted to name you Kenji but he wanted to name you after himself. I wish we would have realized you were really a girl back then, but you appeared to be a sweet little boy.”
“Then I let him down?”

“I don't think so, honey. We spoke about what was happening to you a lot. I was frustrated with him when he would not come to San Diego when you got hurt. I think he chose to deal with it in his own way. He told me he thought that he let you down but didn't know how to make it up to you.”

Hana told Ami about everything they had talked over.

“I wish I would have been an adult and told him you were coming out here as Ami. Maybe things would have turned out differently.”

“Don't blame yourself, Momma.”

“Who else is to blame? I should have stood up to him a long time ago. I can run a business but I sure don't know when it is wise to tell your father about you... the way you really are.”

“Momma.”

“In Japan we are told to respect the dominant male figure in our family. I guess I haven't become Americanized enough. I thought I was supposed to let your father take the lead. My mother did with my father as did my grandparents in the same way.”

Hana seemed ashamed of her Japanese heritage. Her father adored her mother and forgave any of her shortcomings. Her grandfather built a pagoda in honor to her grandmother. Where did she go wrong?

“Ami, I thought when your father saw you he would be as proud of you as I am. I was wrong and I apologize.”

Hana began to cry.

“Daddy didn't do this to you. You're not the one to blame.”

“But if I had stood up for you and told your father to get his ass back to California, maybe he would have seen the marvelous and beautiful young lady you are turning out to be. Maybe he would have accepted you as his little girl.”
“Maybe so, but we can't say that he would.”

“He should have, Ami.”

“I could blame myself too. I could have left my appearance. Not alter it. When I visited him on vacations I could have let him see the real me. Maybe I could have let him in on the changes everyone around me was seeing. I think it's me who deserves to get the spanking, Momma.”

Hana and Ami wrestled with the aspect of telling Robert the truth but each presumed herself to be the guilty one. Their personal chastisements ended only when Nurse Emily Wilson brought Ami her medication.
“Thank you for the oatmeal earlier, ma'am.”

“You're welcome, dear.”

“What's for dinner?”

Ami giggled but lurched when she discovered just how much her tummy hurt when she laughed.

“I can arrange a menu.”

“Thank you, ma'am.”

“You're welcome, dear.”
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Hana had a chance to meditate on her life as a mother to Ami. She wanted to sort out the events of Ami's life thus far and decide if she was really a good mother at all.

Robert and she knew about Ami's chromosomes. They were sure beyond all possibilities that the test results were his. They saw the double Xs. How could she not have let him develop as a girl early on in his life?

Both she and her husband had seen how Ami, as Robbie. related with other children. She was not rough-and-tumble like a boy tends to be. She always behaved like a girl even as a boy. The only reason she even joined Little League was to please her father and gain his affection.

Recently she had seen how her body was adapting in a correct manner. Everything about her child now yelled out that she was meant to be a girl. Why couldn't she have just let Ami become a girl sooner?

She had conversations with Robert and he was never sympathetic to Ami's plight. Ami, as Robbie, had told her on various occasions that Robert treated her like dirt. When both children were in New York City, Robert treated Jun nicely but didn't seem to like that she was there.

Hana reflected on how she was as Ami's mother. She knew that she loved her deeply. She knew that she cared about Ami's welfare. She knew that she wanted only the best for Ami even after she finally became her daughter. So why didn't she defend Ami more?

She knew that she loved and cared for Ami deeply, so why couldn't she have been a better mother to her child? How much of a fool had she been?
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Friday, December 29, 1994
Hana met with Dr. Richard Bridges, the physician who handled Robbie's medical care at NYU Medical Center. He went over Ami's charts and x-rays with her. He answered all the questions that were rattling around in her head.

“Your daughter is healing well, Mrs. Shannon.”

Richard Bridges had a good manner about him and he smiled as he talked.

“However, she is a very lucky young lady.”

Hana smiled.

“Given that Mr. Shannon outweighs Ami by over a hundred pounds, he may well have inflicted severe damage on her. He cracked four of her ribs and bruised one of her lungs. If you've noticed Ami has trouble when she laughs, that's the reason why. Had Robert's blows to her abdomen had been harder or if more were inflicted she may have had liver or kidney damage but she seems fine in that regard.”

Hana flinched but realized it was good news she was hearing.

“Ami will heal slowly and I suggest you keep her activity to a bare minimum for at least a month after you return to San Diego.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

“One more thing, Mrs. Shannon. The blow to Ami's abdomen caused her menstrual cycle to jump into phase. I have been in consultation with Dr. Hart. She agrees with me that since Ami has no vaginal opening, she needs surgery to create one as soon as possible. Without a way for her to discharge her menstrual flow, her health could suffer.”

“Is that something that can wait until we return to San Diego?”

“It could be, Mrs. Shannon, but Dr. Hart and I agree that it needs to take place very soon.”

Hana looked especially worried now.

“Is that something you could do here, Dr. Bridges?”

“It is, ma'am. We would have preferred doing the surgery after Ami heals from this ordeal but that isn't a possibility any longer. We can set up a team for as early as this afternoon.”

“I knew this was around the corner, Dr. Bridges.”

“Do you wish for me to set up a team?”

“Yes, Dr. Bridges. Please do it. I want Ami to be well.”

“Okay, ma'am. I neglected to tell you that Dr. Hart is on her way here. She'll arrive in a couple of hours. We can schedule the OR for six o'clock this evening.”

“Will the surgery take long?”

“About four-hours or so, ma'am.”

“Thank you, Dr. Bridges. I appreciate your concern for my daughter.”
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Ami was in good spirits when Hana broke the newest information to her. Hana could sense that Ami was worried but grateful for all that the hospital staff had done for her.

“I've got menstrual fluid building up inside me, Momma?”

“Yes, you do, honey”

Hana enveloped her hands in hers.

“They're going to create a vagina so that you'll be able to discharge, Ami.”

“Discharge?”

“Your body needs to expel the unfertilized ova from your uteris, honey.”

“If they don't, what would happen, Momma?”

“You'd become a very sick girl, honey. You could die.”

“So I'm producing ova? Does that mean I can become a mother one day?”

“Yes on both counts, honey.”

“Neat!”

That was the first time in a couple of days that Hana could see Ami's spirit improve.

Ami giggled momentarily, but grimaced when she laughed. It hurt enough that Ami cried briefly.

“I hurt, Momma.”

“You have four cracked ribs, honey.”

“Oh.”

“When your father punched you he cracked you ribs and bruised one of your lungs and your kidney. Try to keep your giggling to a minimum.”

“Okay, Momma.”

“Dr. Bridges thinks your up to surgery later tonight. Are you ready?”

“Yes, Momma.”

“Okay, honey.”

“Will this make me really look like a girl then?”

“Yes, honey. It will.”

“Neat!”

“One more thing, Ami. Your doctor here at NYU informed me that Dr. Hart is flying here today and she'll be in on your surgery.”

“Yay! I love Dr. Hart, Momma!”

“I know she loves you too, honey. I haven't been able to talk to her yet but Dr. Bridges told me she's flying here just for you.”

“Do I get to see her before the surgery, Momma?”

“I think you will, sweetie.”

“Neat!”

“She'll be here very soon, my dear.”

“She knows what Daddy did to me?”

“Yes, honey. She does.”

“You told her?”

“Yes, honey. I called her that day. She is very concerned. She wants what's best for you.”

“Momma?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Why didn't Dr. Hart create a vagina for me when everything happened during Little League?”

“It's a long story. We wanted you to be comfortable with whatever gender you might choose. We didn't want to make you into a girl against your will. If you wanted to be a boy, we thought that would be the best for you.”
“I think I understand, Momma.”

“If you had wanted to remain a boy, honey, we would have had to take action very soon. We were giving you medicine to retard your puberty, but something apparently didn't work. You started growing breasts...”

“Should I have let you know about my breasts, Momma?”

“Yes, dear, but I can understand where you were at. I can't imagine how afraid you were but I'd hate to have to tell my mother I was turning into a girl if she thought, by my perception, that I was a boy. You must have been really scared.”

“I was, Momma.”

“Sweetie, if you're ever afraid of anything at all, you can come to me.”

“Really?”

“You can, honey. Any time at all.”
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Hana and Ami talked about the things that were getting to them for almost an hour. They were interrupted when Nurse Emily Wilson administered Ami's medication.

“You need to take these, dear.”

Emily felt Ami's head.

“Looks like I'll have you at least another day.”

Emily looked at Ami and smiled.

“I wish I had more patinets like you, dear.”

Ami smiled.
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When she arrived at NYU Medical Center, Sandra Hart went immediately to see Ami.

“Ami!”

Ami nearly leaped from her bed.

“Dr. Hart! Hi, ma'am!”

Sandra Hart gave Ami a hug and clasped her hand in hers.

“I was so worried for you, my dear.”

“I'm glad you're here, ma'am.”

“I wouldn't miss this for a thing, Ami. I've been with you through so many things, and I'm here for you now.”

“Are you going to do the surgery, ma'am?”

“I'll be assisting. Dr. Bridges is a renowned plastic surgeon and he'll be performing the operation. I'm sorry that I don't know more so that I could perform it myself.”

“That's okay, ma'am. I'm just glad you'll be in the operating room.”

“I need to be at a meeting now, Ami, but I'll see you soon.”

“Okay, ma'am. Thank you for being here!”

“You're welcome!”
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Hana and Jun were with Ami as she was readied for the surgery. Because she was having surgery, her last meal had been dinner the night before. Her pretty nightie was now replaced with a standard-issue hospital gown.

Ami gripped her mother's hand as the orderlies began to wheel her down the hall. She was both scared and relieved that this particular surgery would be behind her. In a few short hours she would be completely freed from all of her boyhood past.

In about five hours she would have a vagina and for that she was grateful.
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No sooner had Ami let go of her mother's hand but Hana's cell phone began to ring. Detectives Sergeant James Duncan and Lieutenant Christina Garson had been successful apprehending Robert Shannon. He was in their custody and that relieved Hana very much.

Although Lieutenant Garson said little over the phone, she did indicate that she would like to meet with Hana at Hana's earliest convenience. Hana explained that Ami had been taken into surgery. Hana filled the lieutenant in on Ami's progress and Garson wished her all the best. Before Hana ended her conversation with Lieutenant Garson, an appointment was set for noon the next day.

Hana pushed the meeting to the back of her mind. She wanted to focus on Ami and Ami alone. If she had done anything in Ami's past to make her daughter ashamed, that all changed that day.

Hana's wish was to be there always for Ami and Jun. She would be there no matter what even if it meant testifying against her husband.

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Chapter 19
Tuesday, December 30, 1997

Robert Shannon was in custody. A passerby noticed him passed out in a sewer and notified NYPD. When they tested him he had a blood alcohol level of 0.12. Apparently he had not been driving. If he had he might have ruined several more peoples' lives.

At first, Hana didn't know if she really wanted to go down to the precinct office to identify her husband. The way he treated Ami was abhorrent and it was grating on her. She finally gave in and, thanks to Lieutenant Garson, she was at the precinct house in little time at all.

The custodial officer stated that Robert kept muttering “crazy bitch tearing my life apart” and “goddamned pervert wants to be a broad” and hadn't quit blaming people for his misery. They had cleaned him up and put him into an orange jumper.

The officer told Hana that Robert looked like he'd hit all the dive bars in Manhattan. It could be reasoned that the upscale ones probably bounced simply because he looked like a vagrant and smelled like one too. His “street clothing” was ripped and soaked in vomit. No he looked like a crook and it fit him well.

“Don't the prisoners get a phone call?”

She had heard that when someone is arrested they get one complimentary phone call. Robert hadn't called her, his wife, so who did he call?

“Lieutenant Garson? Did my husband use his call?”

“I believe he did, ma'am.”

“Well he didn't call me.”

“I'll check the record to see who he did contact, Mrs. Shannon. I'll be right back.”

Hana peered at her husband through the two-way mirror. He was pacing back and forth like a caged dog. He kept cussing something about Ami and she didn't like what she was hearing. He looked into the mirror and squinted. He backed away and started his pacing again.

As she watched him, a very pretty woman entered the observation room. She appeared to be in her early twenties and had cleavage out to there. She wore a tight red dress that accentuated all that God had given to here. Her shoes matched her outfit and her purse and the whole ensemble appeared very expensive.

Hana heard her ask the officer posted at the door when Sergeant Duncan would be here and was told that he was on the way.

Lieutenant Garson returned and had a slip of paper in her hand.

“He called a woman, a Miss Ashley Richardson.”

“Yes, officer?”

The woman came over to where Lieutenant Garson and Hana stood.

“I'm Ashley Richardson.”

Hana looked sick and quickly moved to the other side of the concrete viewing room. Lieutenant Garson excused herself from Ashley Richardson and rejoined Hana.

“Do you know Miss Richardson, ma'am?”

“No, Lieutenant, I don't.”

“It says here that she lives in his building. One floor below him.”

“Oh. I see.”

Hana's voice became cold.

“I've never met Miss Richardson.”

“Could she work for him at the firm?”

“Perhaps... but I don't believe so.”

“Are you sure, Mrs. Shannon?”

“Yes, Lieutenant. I'm very familiar with his staff. I may live in San Diego but I'm in New York enough to be familiar with those people the firm employs. They know me too.”
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Ashley Richardson stood across the room and stared at Hana Shannon. When curiosity got the best of her, the young woman strolled over to where Hana and the Lieutenant stood.
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“I'm Ashley Richardson, do you know Robert?”

Hana's nose flared and her eyes became intense.

“Yes, I do.”

“Are you somebody who works for him?”

“No. I don't work for Robert.”

Ashley Richardson was pretty but she wasn't pretty bright. She filled out a dress beautifully, but her elevator didn't quite reach the top floor.

“I'm his girlfriend.”

She batted her eyelashes at Hana and at the Lieutenant.

“Are you his sister?”

She hit Hana's nerve bitterly.

“I'm not his employee, Miss Richardson and I'm not his sister. I'm his wife.”
Ashley looked truly embarrassed.

“Oh.”

“How long, exactly, have you been my husband's girlfriend?”

The pretty young woman didn't want to answer Hana, but she gave in.

“Almost two-years. He gave me this ring last month, for my birthday.”

Ashley Richardson presented her ring finger to Hana and the diamond was nearly twice as big as the one in Hana's engagement ring.

Hana decided to remove herself from the room. If she didn't leave, she might be thrown in jail for committing homicide right there in front of Lieutenant Garson.

As Hana was leaving, Sergeant Duncan came into the room.
“Miss Richardson?”

Sergeant Duncan was unaware of what had just happened. He knew that Hana was Robert's wife but he did not know of the relationship to which his partner and my best friend's mother was just informed. He saw the flare of her nostril and the shame in her eyes but didn't say a thing to Hana on her way out of the room.

Ashley Richardson batted her eyelashes at Sergeant Duncan and then she identified her boyfriend.
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Wednesday, July 4, 1996
As was the family custom, Robbie and Jun flew to New York City to visit their father for the Independence Day weekend. The children were happy to visit their father since he was seldom in San Diego anymore. They loved him very much and missed being with him.

Robert and Hana had scheduled everything so that the children would go to the east coast to visit when Hana and Keiko had to go to Japan for DaishiWorks business.

Hana and Keiko had begun DaishiWorks, a chic fashion studio, when they were in high school. The business really took off in 1990 and went global in 1992. As a consequence, the children became bi-coastal when Robbie was eight-years-old and Jun was seven.

It was a perfect plan, at first, but something had definitely gone wrong. Although he loved his children, Robert craved the nightlife. He was a well-regarded attorney and was always being invited to the city's best parties. Unfortunately, his children were in the way.
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“Robbie... Jun... I'm going out tonight and I'm going to call for a sitter. You can watch movies and play video games. I'll be back in the morning. Sometime.”
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Robbie and Jun thought the sitter was nice. She was pretty and treated them nicely; she let them play Disney movies and play whatever video games they liked. She played along with them, too.
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“You kids are great!”

They even liked the way Sheena talked. Jun thought she sounded like Ariel in The Little Mermaid.

“My name's Sheena Post. You girls have such pretty hair. Do you want me to brush it?”

Jun was excited and grabbed her brush.

“Please do!”

When she was finished she asked Robbie if he wanted his hair brushed.

“May I brush your hair, Robbie?”

He was reluctant, but decided it wouldn't be so bad. He enjoyed when his mother brushed his hair and Sheena did a good job with Jun.

“Okay!”

“You've got really pretty hair, Robbie.”

“Thank you, Sheena.”

“The other girls are envious of your hair, aren't they?”

“Some of them are.”

“I bet you have lots of boyfriends.”

“No, Sheena...”

“Just wait, and you will!”

“But, Sheena...”

“You and your sister are really pretty.”

“Thank you, but...”

“Are you in Brownies or Girl Scouts? Campfire Girls?”

“No, Sheena.”

Jun sat watching Sheena brush Robbie's hair.

“Is your real name Roberta?”

“No, ma'am. It's Robbie... actually, it's Robert.”

Sheena stopped brushing Robbie's hair, momentarily, but continued to gently stroke it.

“You're a boy?”

“Yes, ma'am. I'm a boy.”

Jun was really giggling at this point.

“She's just fooling you, Sheena. Robbie's a girl like you and me!”

Robbie started to protest.

“I'm not a girl.”

“You have beautiful hair, Robbie...”

“I'm not a girl.”

“...and your eyelashes are wonderful...”

“Really, I'm not a girl.”

“...your lips are pretty too...”

“Sheena.”

“Can I do your makeup?”

“Ma'am, please listen to me.”

“Robbie?”

“I'm not a girl, ma'am.”

“Sweetie, even if you are a boy, you are really pretty.”

“You really think so, ma'am?”

“I do.”

“Please let me put some makeup on you.”

“I don't know.”

“I guarantee you'll like it. If you don't, we'll take it right off.”

“I don't want Daddy to find out.”

“It's okay, sweetie. Your father won't be in until tomorrow morning. We'll have you clean and spotless way before then.”

“If he won't know... why not? Okay, ma'am. You may put makeup on me.”

“You won't be disappointed, Robbie.”
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Jun was rolling on the floor, laughing. It was only when she began the application that Jun really took notice. As far as I know, this was the only time, prior to Robbie's transition, that she had seen him made up to look like a girl.
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“Tada!”

Sheena sounded and looked excited.

“Wow!”

Jun's jaw hit the floor.

“Let me see! Let me see!”

Robbie was beside himself with curiosity.

“Let me see how I look.”

“Let me put you in a dress, Robbie. Please?”

“I don't wear girl clothes, ma'am. I'm a boy.”

“Sure you are, Robbie.”

“He's my size, Sheena.”

“Jun...”

Robbie sounded very girly when he whined. He wasn't going to convince Sheena that he was a boy sounding like that.

Robbie and his sister truly were the same size. She had a few dresses with her for this vacation although she wanted to wear pants and swimming suits most of the week. She went to her closet and found a pink, floral-print cotton dress. She also found a pair of her sandals that would match the dress and brought it in to her brother.

Before Robbie could see his makeup job, she made him put on his sister's things.
“One more thing, Robbie.”

Sheena pulled the clip-on earrings from her ears and attached them to his earlobes.

“Tada!”

Sheena smiled and Jun giggled happily.

Sheena guided Robbie to the full-length mirror but she had him walk backward so he wouldn't see himself before his unveiling. When he was in the proper position, Sheena spun him around so he faced the mirror.
Robbie was amazed.

“Miss Robbie Shannon!”

Robbie tried to act amazed. He had seen himself like this before. He and I often played dress-up when we were alone and Jun was nowhere to be found.

“You are beautiful, Miss Shannon. You can't tell me you're a boy.”

Robbie was amazed. I never got to see a picture of him at that moment but he told me that she did an outstanding job.

“Robbie!”

Jun was amazed.

“You really do look like a girl!”

Jun had never seen her brother dressed up before. She had always wondered what he'd look like. Now she was seeing him and she was dumbfounded.

“You're awesome, Robbie! Wanna be my sister from now on?”
Robbie just smirked.

“Maybe someday, Jun. Just not now.”

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Chapter 20
Wednesday, January 14, 1998

Ami had anything but a restful sleep. When she awoke from her sleep, she was drenched to her bones. She looked as if she had jumped into a swimming pool, nightie and all. Her hair was drenched, her face had lost all its color and she looked like death warmed over. She had been trying to scream but her voice was not there.

As she sat up in bed she looked stunned. As she regained her voice and she began to tell me of her dream/nightmare.

“It was so real, Meghan. I had all my senses. Touch. Smell. Pain. I dreamed of all the things my father did to me. However, my dream went further. He threatened to cut off my breasts. He did start cutting and I couldn't stop crying.”

“Ami!”

“He cut my left breast completely off and threw it on the floor. That's when Momma and Jun came into the room. My blood, and some of my father's, was everywhere but I didn't die. He... he...”

Ami became hysterical. She had a moment when she couldn't do anything but cry. She composed herself and picked up where she left off.

“There was blood everywhere, Meghan. Then Momma and Jun were there. My father stabbed Jun several times and she fell to the floor, lifeless. She didn't get up again my entire dream. Then my father started stabbing Momma. She fell to the floor, lifeless.”

“Ami, that's horrible. You don't have to continue...”

“I want to, Meghan. My father cut off my right breast and yelled that he had turned me into a boy. He started ripping all of my clothing off and noticed I didn't have a penis. So he started thrusting the knife into me all over my torso and between my legs. It hurt so much, Meghan, but I didn't die.”

“You are so brave, Ami. I couldn't relive anything like that even if it was in my dreams.”

“Why's God doing this to me?”

“I don't know, sweetie. Your Momma and Jun are alive. Thank heavens for that.”

“I don't know what I'd do without them and you and your mother, Meghan.”

“Friends and family are here to help you get through it all.”

“Meghan, my father was stabbing and stabbing when the police knocked down the door. In my dream, instead of facing the police, my father slit his throat. What a coward.”

“Yes, Ami. He's a coward.”

“Why can't I make him love me?”

“Some people just aren't able to love, sweetie.”

“I did everything for him to love me.”

“I know.”

“Then why?”

“We love you, Ami. That's all that counts.”

“I love you guys too.”

“Your hair's kind of cute, all short like this.”

“Thank you, Meghan. I want it to be long and pretty, again, like yours.”

“It'll get there.”

“I guess. Did you notice it's lighter than it was before. I don't know if I like it red, no offense, Meghan.”

“None taken, sweetie. I think it's lighter just because there's not that much of it there yet. It'll soon me long and black and silky.”

“It will be. I love you, Meghan. Thank you for being by my side through all my ordeals.”

“I wouldn't be anywhere else, sweetie. It's always my pleasure.”

We hugged and Ami eventually fell back into sleep.
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Wednesday, July 5, 1996
Robert Shannon's plans never included returning home that Independence Day night. He had other plans and they did not include Robbie and Jun. He didn't have an office party, as he had told his kids and the sitter, he was indulging in more adult celebration. His plans were carnal and nothing was going to sop him from sating his urges.

When Robbie and Jun were younger, Robert was able to pick up on ladies simply because his children were irresistible. Even though he didn't like the reference much, each and every lady he conversed with remarked about his darling little girls. This was probably where the seed of hatred for his child was nurtured.

Now he tolerated his kids. The novelty was growing pale and he had to think of a way to keep Robbie and June in San Diego. They were no longer bright and shiny to him, they were becoming a dull reminder that he was getting old and that they posed a threat to his bachelorhood. As recently as when he picked them up at the airport, someone had referred to Robbie in feminine pronouns and he'd just about had it with his “damaged” child.
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Hana and Robert had planned the visitations many years in advance. During their 1995 visit with him, Ashley Richardson had yet to enter the picture. She hadn't yet applied for work at Stillman, Thorenson and Hatcher. She hadn't captured Robert's affection. She wasn't even a pleasant aroma in the wind to him.

Now she was. Robert's life practically revolved around Ashley Anne Richardson. His affection for Hana was diminishing and he wanted only to savor the new woman in his life. She was smoother, youthful and very devoted to him. She was so naíve that she didn't realize Robert was a married man. This weekend, if fate brought her to his apartment, all that would change and Robert's goose would be cooked.
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“Hello, this is Robert Shannon's residence. Sheena Newman speaking. How might I help you, sir?”

“Yes, hello Sheena, this is Robert Shannon.”

“Hello Mr. Shannon! Is everything okay?”

“It is. Sheena, might I ask you to spend the next three days watching Jun and Robbie. Some information has opened in a case I'm working on and I need to be in DC for a day-and-a-half.”

“That shouldn't be a problem, sir. It's just that I have no change of clothing...”

“I've set up accounts for you at Henri Bendel and Barney's. You may pick out anything you like at either or both stores with my compliments if you'll rearrange your schedule for me.”

“Sir, I'll check my calendar.”

“I hope the children haven't been too much for you.”

“No, sir. They've been angels.”

“Let me know if they get out of line.”

“I will, sir. Let's see. Yes. I can watch Jun and Robbie tomorrow and Friday.”

“Thank, you, Miss Newman. I won't be by the condominium since I've got things at my office.”

“I understand, sir. I'll tell the children you send your love.”

“Miss Newman, if my kids see anything they like at Barney's please allow them purchase an item or two.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Have a good couple of days. I'll send your employer a letter of high recommendation.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, sir.”
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Wednesday, January 21, 1998
Ami was still having trouble sleeping. It seemed like every time she got deep enough into her slumber to dream, the dreams became nightmares and she'd wake up yelling for her mother. If Hana wasn't there, and they were with me in our house, she'd rely on me to get her through the night.

“I wish I could take those horrible dreams away, Ami.”

“Thank you, Meghan. I wish I could just put it out of my brain.”

“I guess it'll take some time.”

“Yes. The psychologist I've been seeing says she believes it will fade over time but never really leave me.”

“Feeling better seeing her?”

“Yes, I believe that I am, Meghan.”

“You're hair's really growing in! It's a bit redder than before.”

“Yes. I think I kind of like it this way, Meghan.”

“It's pretty. If it gets any redder, though, you and I will have the same color!”

“We'd be twins!”

Ami and I started giggling.

“I'd be the winner, though.”

I tickled Ami in her side.

“You've always been the prettier of us!”

“Meghan! You're very pretty.”

“But you're the sexy one, Ami.”

“I wish I felt that way. My father thinks I'm still a boy.”

“Ami... you know that you were never truly a boy. Your father knows that too. He's an asshole and he's the one in jail for trying to harm you.”

“I just wish that he loved me, Meghan.”

“He probably doesn't love anyone at all. Except himself.”

“I just feel like maybe I let him down.”

“Nonsense, Ami. You did everything a child could do. You weren't Super Robbie.”

“I know, Meghan. I just wish he could have seen past Robbie and seen me.”

“Well, sweetie, he has lots of time to think about you and what he did to you.”

“Maybe.”

“He won't get out of prison until the middle of 2001.”

“Is that enough time, Meghan?”

“I'd lock him in a very small box of a jail cell for the rest of his life if I was the judge.”

“Wow! That's all?”

“No, Ami. It make sure he was freezing cold in the winter and blistering hot in the summer.”

“Wow! You' make a strict judge!”

“I'd probably have water trickling down on him and make him have to be naked too. Dump his food on the floor where it would be hard to pick up and eat.”

“Meghan!”

“He almost killed you, Ami.”

“But he didn't.”

“Thank God.”

“But maybe it was my fault...”
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Thursday, February 5, 1998
"Ami! You've got to check this out!"

To say I was excited was a bit of an understatement. I had become a computer enthusiast years early but I found something online that really blew my mind.

"Check this website out, Ami! It's called The Future Supermodels of America and it's for us, teen-aged girls who want to have fun discussing dresses and school and boys!"

"That's nice. Tell me more."

"It says that Elizabeth Goode started the group so that we can have contests and things, exciting activities, awesome tips on how to look prettier and field trips! She says there's one planned for 2001 to Disneyland! I wanna go!"

"I think that I'd like to also! I love Disneyland!"

"She says this Disneyland thing is the first big event she has planned. She'll make announcements soon but wants all of us to begin friendships online before she lets anything else out of the bag."

"I guess that's good..."

"She says it'll probably be limited to one or two dozen girls, but she'll finalize that as time goes by. She says it'll probably be a popularity contest and the girl who gets the most votes will probably earn a tiara and sash like in Miss America. She'll probably name that girl her creme de la creme."

"Do you believe in that Meghan?"

"Believe in it?"

"Do you believe it's fair to label someone the best simply because she gets the most votes?"

"I never really thought of it. But don't adults choose the President of the United States that way?"

"Yes, but we're just little girls."

"Little girls? Ami, we're young ladies. She says we're up-and-coming supermodels!"

Ami and I began giggling.

"I want to join, Meghan. If anything it will be fun making friends that don't live in San Diego."

"I know. I think the only friend I have far away from here lives in Alpine, and that's only a bit farther east from us than El Cajon. I guess when you and Jun went to visit your father, you kind of lived in New York City, but that was different."

"I guess even my relatives in Japan and Scotland don't count as friends because they're family. It'd be fun to have a friend in Australia or somewhere out there."

"It would be, Ami!"

"How do we sign up?"

"There's a membership area right here. You can be first and I'll go after you."
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We signed up for The Future Supermodels of America right then and there. I couldn't help but think that this would be the best thing either of us had ever did in our lives.
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Chapter 21
Robert Shannon noted marked differences in his children when they visited him in New York. He saw how Jun seemed to grow almost every time she was there. She had caught up with Robbie and she was a full year younger than him. He noticed changes in his son, too, but something just wasn't right.

One day Ashley Richardson happened to be at the condominium when the kids were in town. Robert introduced her to them as his new secretary. The children took a liking to her and when she asked Robert to let her watch them while he got things done for work, he was reluctant but gave in.

Ashley took them to the Statue of Liberty, a place Robert had avoided. He always complained that there were too many people there. Too many tourists making a fuss over something he had taken for granted. He knew his children might have fun there but he just didn't care.

Several weeks later, while they were making love, Ashley wanted to talk to him about his children and their mother. He had said before that Hana was dead but did he really expect her to believe they wouldn't live with him by default. He was their father, after all.

“You have wonderful children, Bobbie.”

“I guess.”

“Haven't you noticed their smiles? If I were them and my mother died, I'd smile less especially seeing that I couldn't be with my Daddy.”

“I told you, they live with their Aunt Keiko.”

“But Bobbie, we could take care of them. I know I couldn't be their mother but they're darling.”

“That's out of the question. They stay with their aunt.”

“Don't you miss them?”

“I see them enough.”

“If I were you, Bobbie, I'd want them with me always.”

“Well, I don't. Can't we leave it at that?”

“Robbie's got beautiful eyes. He's going to make a cute man some day.”

“I guess.”

“He really looks like his sister.”

“If you say so.”

“He's got such soft and silky hair and his eyelashes...”

“Shut up! Quit talking to me about him. You're killing my boner.”

“But he's your little boy, sweetie.”

“He's a failure.”

“Robert, why would you say that?”

“He's damaged.”

“He's a little boy and when you're young you heal better.”

“He's not going to heal.”

“What happened?”

“I'm not going to talk about it.”

“Bobbie...”

“I'm not going to talk about the thing nor it's sister either.”

“Robert Shannon, you're son's not an it...”

“Gawd! My boner's almost gone.”

With that, Ashley rang and locked herself in the bathroom. Robert heard the shower running and thirty-minutes later Ashley emerged and grabbed her purse.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“Get back here now!”

“Forget you, Bobbie. If you don't love your son, how can you ever love me?”
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Apparently Robert and Ashley were an on-again-off-again couple. Robert was able to keep Hana from finding out about Ashley and, well, Ashley thought Hana was dead so Robert just said he had to go away on business when his wife returned to New York City.
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Tuesday, July 1, 1997
Ashley Richardson just couldn't keep from talking about Robbie. She saw in him an angel. Even though he would soon be thirteen-years-old, she delighted in his delicate form and pretty facial features. She couldn't understand why Robert shunned him away. He seemed like a very sweet little boy.

She talked Robert into letting her take the children to the zoo. She knew that they had been there before but was excited getting to be there with them. Robert made her swear that she would not mention their mother. He said they weren't over her passing and he didn't want them freaking out.
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“Dress summery, kids. Robbie, you should try and wear something less fleecy. Shorts and a cool tee-shirt would be pretty good. Jun? How about wearing that cute cotton dress? It's going to be pretty humid out there. Summer's grueling.”

Jun seldom wore dresses when she was in New York City because she preferred jeans and a pretty tee. However, because Ashley had asked her to wear the dress, she would. Robbie, however, was a little beside himself. In San Diego, when it became humid, he'd shack up in his room and crank up the air conditioner. Obviously, he could not do that in New York City.

“What am I going to do?”

Robbie wondered to himself how he'd be able to discard his San Diego Chargers sweatshirt that hid his binding. Without the garment, everyone could clearly see that he was trying to hide something.

Robbie's breasts had just begun to bud. They weren't big by any means but they did make him look like a girl... like his sister. If he left the condominium without his safety blanket, how would he explain his chest to Jun and Ashley? He knew he would soon need a bra but he hadn't even showed his mother them yet.
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Jun walked past his door and heard her brother crying.

“What's the matter, Robbie?”

“I don't feel good.”

“Does your tummy ache?”

“No. I just feel sleepy, I think.”

“Don't you want to go to the zoo?”

“I do, but I don't feel good. I don't want to let Miss Richardson down.”

“Just tell her you feel bad.”

“I guess. But Daddy's counting on her to keep us happy today.”

“You don't feel good, Robbie. Tell her. I think that she'll understand.”

“You think she will?”

“I do. Maybe she'll let us stay here and she'll play games with us or watch videos.”

“I guess it won't hurt.”

“She's nice. I like her.”

“Me, too.”

“You think Daddy likes her, Jun?”

“He's hard to read, Robbie.”

“It seems like she's always here.”

“Do you think Momma knows?”

“I don't know, Jun. Momma knows everything Daddy does.”

“But she's not always here in New York.”

“I know.”

“I think she knows.”

“We can ask her when we get home.”
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Ashley came to Robbie's room and he didn't look like he was feeling good. She took his temperature and found he was a little warm.

“Are you feeling okay, sweetie?”

“Not, really Miss Richardson.”

“Call me Ashley, Robbie. If you don't feel good, maybe next time you're in town we can have a rain-check. I want you to feel comfortable.”

“Thank you, Ashley. Maybe we can watch videos?”

“We can do that, sweetie.”

“Robbie?”

“Yes, ma'am?”

“You haven't taken your Chargers sweatshirt off since you got here.”

“It's my good luck charm, ma'am.”

“You might be more comfortable if you put on something less bulky.”

“I'm okay, Ashley.”

“Okay, Robbie. I just want you to be comfortable.”

“Yes, ma'am.”
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Robert had arranged for Sheena Post to watch the children because he conveniently had an office party to attend. Robbie and Jun liked Sheena and she seemed to spend as much time with them when they were in New York as their father did.

Robert's plan was to wait for Sheena to arrive then leave and spend the evening with Ashley Richardson. He'd conveniently forget how long office parties tend to be, call Ashley, offer her a bribe and she'd be with the children for a couple of days. It was getting to be a ritual and the children just came to the conclusion that they'd see their father when he wanted them to see him and not a second more.

Sheena arrived around five, Robert left fifteen-minutes later and Ashley would spend two full days with the Shannon children.

“Hi Jun! Hi Robbie! Am I glad to see you!”

“Hi Sheena!”

Robbie and Jun were practically in unison.

“Guess what, Sheena?”

“What, Jun?”

“Robbie's going to be in a play for Christmas this year! He's going to be an angel!”

“Robbie! Yay! I'll bet you're going to make an adorable angel.”

“I guess.”

“He gets to sing too!”

“Robbie! I didn't know you were a singer! Can you sing me something?”

“I don't know, Sheena. I think I need to warm up my voice.”

“It's okay, sweetie, but I'd really like to hear you sometime. If you sing as beautifully as you are a child, you must be heavenly.”

Robbie blushed bright red.

“I sing okay.”

“He sounds like Whitney Houston, Sheena!”

“I do not. I sing more like Mariah Carey.”

The children began giggling and then Sheena joined them.

“Okay, I'll sing you one of Mariah Carey's songs and you tell me what you think.”

Robbie whispered into Jun's ear. She went to the piano bench and pulled out some sheet music, sat it on the music stand, got onto the piano bench and waited for Robbie to queue her. When he nodded, she began to play Hero, one of Robbie's most favorite songs.

When he had finished, Sheena was in tears.

“Was it bad, Sheena? I'm sorry I made you cry.”

“You have an absolutely wonderful, adorable voice, Robbie. I wish you would sing another one for me.”

“Well, I guess I could. Jun, is Dreamlover in there? I love the song a lot, Sheena.”

Jun found the music and on Robbie's queue, began to accompany him. Sheena was obviously enjoying his voice and marveling that he could reach each note with as much ease as Mariah Carey did in her recordings. By the end of the song, tears were in her eyes.

“You are so good, Robbie. You'll make a very adorable angel. Your voice alone sounds angelic.”

“He's got to wear makeup, Sheena.”

“Jun...”

"Momma's making him a corset too, with wings..."

"Jun..."

Robbie tried to continue but his tears got in the way of his voice.

“Robbie, do you remember that time I put makeup on you?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“It was okay.”

Robbie couldn't let on that he enjoyed being made up a lot. By this time in his life he had been confiding in me how much like a girl he was feeling. He stopped short, though, of letting me transform him into my girlfriend.

“Do you want me to do you up tonight, Robbie?”

“I don't know, Sheena. I liked it when you did it before, but I don't think so tonight.”

Robert Shannon's telephone rang. Sheena answered and Robbie shuffled Jun to the other side of the room.

“Let her do it, Robbie! Please? Let her do it!”

“Jun. I don't know.”

“I won't make fun of you. Please? You looked so cute last time!”

“Not tonight, Jun.”

Jun looked at the floor and raised her head. Her bottom lip was pouting.

“Okay, Robbie. I just want you to know I think it's okay.”

“Thank you, Jun. I love you.”

“Me too, Robbie. I love you.”

Sheena cradled the phone and called the children to her.

“Your daddy's not going to be home tonight.”

“Oh.”

Robbie hung his head low. He felt like crying but he bit his lip trying to quell the tears.

“He's always going out when we're here.”

“That's a shame, kids. He won't be home until Friday.”

“But we're going home on Saturday.”

“He asked me to tell you he'll spend all of Friday evening with you.”

“I guess he will.”
Robbie was talking like a little girl without knowing it.

“That's what he always says.”

“I could do you up, Robbie, and we could all go out and do girl things.”
Robbie was really tempted but quieted up.

“Please, Robbie! It'll be fun.”

“No! I'm a boy. I've got to make Daddy unashamed to be with me.”

“It's okay, Robbie. I can take you and your sister to the movies and out for pizza. Your father's letting us do a little shopping on him.”

“Can we see 'Austin Powers', if it's still out?”

“We can.”

“I want to see 'My Best Friend's Wedding'. It's got Julia Roberts in it.”

“Maybe we can see both. Let's hurry, though, there's a sale on at Barney's!”
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