I didn’t want to bounce from relationship to relationship. Although I was living with Allie who was very strong willed, could I even survive someone with as dominant a personality as Peter? So at the end of each of my responses, I would include ‘doing the same’.

I came upon a solution that would leave us both, that is Peter and I, feeling okay with my ‘thanks but no thanks’. I knew how vain the man was. While he didn’t exactly look in the mirror every few minutes, he was extremely well manicured down to every hair on his head. I would appeal to his vanity by doing a portrait of him.

And so I did. The piece was a crayon and pencil drawing of him appearing his most imposing behind his desk. Because that was the only environment I knew him in, other than that Italian restaurant, it would have to do. It was actually a very good rendering.

His eyes would be the most important aspect and I had to give them that imperious look he was so fond of effecting. I did a second one whilst the spirit was upon me. This one was more informal and it portrayed him at the office in a more relaxed pose. I was able to accomplish this on Saturday afternoon in a scant few hours.

Allie was nearly as emotionally and physically drained as I was after our talk. I knew there was no way I would be able to go to work the following day. I needed that time simply to recover from my regurgitation of the horrors of my youth. And poor Allie was subjected to all that I spewed up.

I slept late and when I did awaken, I smelled the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Allie had called my office and Jill when she awoke. And once I made my awakened presence known, she made me breakfast as well. We then washed, dressed, and spent the day in Liberty Park lazing in the shade and riding the Statin Island Ferry.

We also spent considerable time over the weekend in the studios, sometimes not speaking for hours while we worked to the music being played on Allie’s radio. I spent the time painting chosen pieces of her pottery and she spent the time trying new shapes for bowls and platters and mugs.

Allie’s forms were quite classical and of high…‘craftwomanship’? They were light in weight and she took great pains in the trimming of each. Her glazes were not all that unique but lately she had begun to experiment with several test firings on different clays with new colors she had mixed.

Monday came all too soon. I found myself speaking to Rhona who was very curious about what I had in my portfolio case. I smiled serenely and told her nothing other than it was something for Peter to review. I must have smiled way too coyly because her facial expression alone shrieked ‘bullshit’!

Of course Peter came in at around nine-thirty to find me sitting at Rhona’s desk. He bid us a good morning and, after seeing the guilty expression on my face, broke into laughter. He smiled, shook his head, and walked down the hall and into his office.

I made a special point of not dressing too provocatively? I had yet to find out that when a guy is turned on to you, everything is provoking. Anyway, I chose an outfit I thought was quite bland and shouted work suit. I wore a navy blue pinstriped Donna Karen pants suit I glommed on clearance with a cream colored silk blouse and black ballet flats that shouldn’t ignite any kind of flame. I chose to confine my makeup to a bit of mascara and rose tinted lip gloss.

Rhona prepared Peter’s coffee for him and normally brought it into his office. But I chose to ferry the coffee myself with my portfolio in my other hand. Peter looked up from his desk when I entered his office and grinned.

“Assuming new duties?” He chuckled.

I strode up to his desk and placed his coffee down at his right hand. I then leaned the case up against his desk.

“Peter…? Please stand up for a moment?” I smiled oh so sweetly.

He did. I walked around his desk and threw my arms around his neck. I got up on my toes and kissed him. I suspect he knew what I was going to do because he didn’t flinch at all. In fact he put his arms around me and kissed me back. He took my breath away…to say the least. I backed away from him with a stunned expression…eyes wide and mouth agape.

“Peter…? I am just not ready for you.” I said breathlessly.

I watched his smile fade and he nodded his head slightly as if to say, ‘Damn…! I was afraid of that.’ I went back around his desk and opened the portfolio. I took out the portrait, its back to him, and placed it on one of the easels in his office. I stood aside to let him see. His expression suddenly changed to one of…acuteness? He stared at the piece intensely.

“Jesus Christ…” He spoke almost under his breath. He took several steps closer to it.

“I hope you like it.” I pled.

He looked at me and suddenly a smile crossed his face.

“Like it?”

His gaze turned back toward my work and he stared intensely at it for several more moments.

“It’s remarkable!”

He walked up to it and carefully, as if it could fall apart in his hands, lifted it and carefully inspected it.

“You didn’t sign it?” He was…shocked?

“On the back…?” I giggled.

He carefully turned the piece around enough to look. I had written; ‘simply because… Andi… 09/15/16’. He chuckled, placed the portrait back on the easel, and turned toward me. I could swear I saw tears well up in his eyes as he smiled. He hugged me warmly, which caused me to tremble a bit more and then, holding me slightly away from him, his hands on my upper arms, he shook his head.

“This is a very good work. It might even be…great. I really don’t know how to thank you other than to invite you to another dinner, face yet another rejection, and run off with yet another of your efforts that I shall covet!” He laughed as a tear actually did fall.

The portrait was gone the next day. Upon being invited to his home for Christmas, I was very surprised to find it hanging in the study of his town house next to a Picasso! By then he had more of my work including several painted ceramic pieces I did with Allie.

I continued to work feverishly both at the office and at home. I had to assemble a body of work to show Bob Preston and time was getting short. I had the usual stuff; still lifes, landscapes, city views, two dimensional textural and color-light studies. I’d even gone heavily into some pieces using oils.

I had about a dozen ceramic works thanks to Allie and her form experiments. I brought home the things I’d done at the office between assignments. I was only missing the most important study; nudes!

My sketching books are really my life. They are an artist’s journal even if the language isn’t composed of letters. Oh sure there may be notes and even other short writings. But it’s the drawings that truly tell the story of what is on the artist’s mind. My curve and ‘pear’ sketchbook had been the only thing really on my mind. I always kept it in my bedroom stacked with the others.

One night I returned from work a bit on the late side. I went directly into my bedroom to change and wash and get into my sleeping attire. I couldn’t tell if Allie was home yet or not. Her bedroom door was open and no light shone from within. Upon putting on my night tee, I had an urge to sketch a little before going to sleep. I went for the sketchbook and it was not in its usual place!

Panic…! Sheer panic…! I knew that book had to be somewhere in the apartment but still…the thought of it being gone shook me to my core. I quickly ran to the studios. Sometimes I would sketch new ideas for images on Allie’s ceramics or ones I got amidst the fumes of oils. I searched everywhere it might have been placed but found nothing.

Then I ran…literally ran…to the cave. I often liked to sketch whilst the white noise of the television blocked out everything except what I saw in my mind. Again I found nothing. That was when I went into the kitchen and I saw Allie leafing through it. I froze, totally panic stricken.

Allie sat staring at each page as she turned them. Her face was red and I could see a tear or two falling from her eyes. Her mouth was set with her lips so tight that they appeared white. She was very upset for sure. She looked over at me for a moment and then down at the page again.

“So this is the way you see me?” Her voice quavered and was full of tension. “You’ve been spying on me?” She looked up at me again with anger in her eyes. “Do you jack off to these? Is that it? Do you like fat women?”

I blushed cherry red as I walked up to her. I gazed at what she was looking at. It was a woman’s nude form but the legs were tucked up and being held against the figure’s breasts by her arms and the legs were crossed to cover the vagina. The figure had her fore head resting on her knees.

“I might…’jack off’ to these if they excited me in that manner. But they don’t. And this woman…as well as any others in this book…is definitely not fat. They are simply built like…women…and not like girls.”

I looked down into Allie’s eyes. I could see so much hurt in them and I didn’t know from who…or what.

“And I never have…and never will spy on you.”

I went to pull a stool around to sit down next to her. Allie watched me.

“Then why are you drawing me? These are of me, right? They look like me.” She stared back down at the sketch. “They look…fat…like…”

“There are no fat women in this book.” I was quite sharp with her. “Look at her thighs…her curves. Everything about this woman shouts…” I shrugged my shoulders. “…sensuality…fertility...lushness and plushness. She’s a very feminine curvy woman.”

I turned the page. I had drawn a woman sleeping on her stomach. I loved this form…a curvy rump and once again the thighs. It made me think of a roller coaster; one made for children with gentle rises and drops.

“Curves…lots of curves…” I had to smile. “They are oh so lovely. If I were to draw a model type, it would be all straight lines. But this…” I turned the page to another woman though I must admit this one did look like Allie. “…is far more interesting…far more true to life and real.”

“Now this one looks like me. Her face...”

“Yes… She does.” I couldn’t deny what was evident. “Do you mind? I mean you are so very terminally gorgeous you know.”

I smiled at Allie. I knew there was truth in my eyes, which is where she sought it. She burst into tears.

“My entire life I’ve been told I’m too fat, not smart enough, not this and not that. All through school I was called names; some so vile…”

Allie’s crying and her very painful revelations truly hurt my heart. I put my arms around her and hugged her as she wept. I could felt her body tremble and quake. Somehow, instinctively, I knew this all started at home. I mean… Doesn’t it always?

“There is nothing wrong with you Allie. You are so totally perfect. Don’t you know that?” I implored. “And we’re going to do really cool things; your ceramics and my designs. And everybody who ever said anything bad about you is going to curl up into a ball of fluff and be blown away in the wind.”

Allie looked up at me with her tear-streaked face. She was still sniffling and an occasional tear still fell.

“So if I’m so…beautiful and so perfect…how come I don’t turn you on?” She giggled through her tears.

“You do turn me on.” I smiled sadly at Allie. “Sometimes you’re all I think about. Nearly everything in this book is you.”

I turned to another page, one toward the back. This was a nude resting on her side with a scarf across her breasts and one leg across the other; in other words there was nothing ‘vital’ exposed? This one looked exactly like Allie. She gazed at it and smiled.

“You haven’t done any…other ones of me…you know…like…”

“Nothing that isn’t in this book. And nothing that anyone else has seen. Only you’ve seen these and only you will.”

I went on to explain that this was like a journal or a diary for me and very personal.

“But…”

I might as well push it. There probably wouldn’t be a better time.

“I would love to draw you in a larger work. But not without you being okay with it. I would love to have several of you for the showing.”

I took her hand in mine and gently caressed it with my other hand.

“But not unless you are truly totally okay with it. I mean…once you’re out there…it’s kind of like forever?” I gently kissed her fingers. “Will you think about it?”

I smiled as I got up and went to the fridge for something to drink. I really was anxious to get that pad back but I was more interested in maybe having her allow me to draw her for the show and be totally okay with it.

“I would have to pose though…right?”

I could see the worry in her face. But this was a different worried look. This was not the grown woman worrying about being seen naked by a grown guy. This was the little girl praying that nobody would laugh at her nakedness.

“No…but it would be better if you did. And…” I really hated giving her this but I did want her to pose without concern. “If you don’t like what I do, I won’t use it. We can trash it together.”

Allie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She looked at me through her beet red eyes and then back at my pad. She leafed through several other pages gazing carefully at each drawing. I thought of a dozen different things to say but I wanted Allie to persuade herself without any further coercion from me. Finally she closed the pad and slid it to me.

“I need to think about this Andi. I believe what you’re saying? I just need to think a wee bit about this. Okay…?”

I smiled and nodded my head. I embraced her one more time and then took the pad back into my room. Images of Allie posing began to form in my head and I notated each one on a page in the pad. I didn’t want to lose the essence of each pose and ideas are ever so fleeting.

Over the next two days there was a marked change in Allie. She was very quite, very subdued and even somewhat withdrawn. I had an idea what was troubling her and I knew it wasn’t simply my request to pose nude. I made a commitment to confront her about the strange behavior and I was going to do it on this evening.

I decided to prepare a simple dinner for the two of us. Letting Allie know at her office, I was able to discover from Jill that she had a ‘jones’ for shrimp that day. I stopped in China Town to purchase the biggest and freshest looking prawns I could find to grill.

Then I heated up a bit of virgin olive oil and added some finely sliced fresh garlic, freshly ground peppercorns, and a touch of fresh basil. I basted the shrimp with this combination as I grilled them and used the remainder to place the shrimp in when they were done.

I also grilled sliced small red potatoes with the same dressing and surrounded the shrimp with them when they were done. For a veggie I found some baby asparagus and carrots, which steamed up in no time. Allie was bringing a bread and dessert.

Allie’s dinner table remained where I had last put it and I decided to go all out for the occasion. Out came the fine linens, Allie had shown me where they were hidden, as well as her silverware. I chose dishes that she had made and her fave crystal wine glasses. I wanted everything to be perfect down to the atmospheric candle lighting and even the silver linen rings.

When Allie arrived, I heard her go straight into the kitchen. I knew that not seeing me, or any preparations geared toward eating, she would become very curious and come to our little nook. The look of both surprise and wonder on her face was totally worth the effort.

“You are so crazy!” Allie’s smile was back to its usual sunshine visage. “What is the occasion? Did you get another raise?”

“You’re the occasion!” I laughed.

“Oh God… You’re so sweet. I mean…like… It isn’t enough for you to do the cooking. You did all of this too?” She came up to me and hugged me…warmly. “I have become very accustomed to you very quickly.” Allie rested her head on my shoulder. “But you still always manage to pleasantly surprise me.”

“Yeah… Yeah…” I giggled. “I know… I’d make someone an excellent wife.”

“Well… I don’t know about that! But you do make an excellent roommate and tenant and, most of all, a wonderful friend.”

That statement touched me…especially the friend part.

I held out Allie’s chair for her and, once she was seated, I then went to the kitchen. Thank God for her teacart. I managed to put everything onto it and quickly rolled it into our nook. I served her, and then myself starting with the white wine. I knew a glass or two would certainly make her more susceptible to what I was going to ask.

Eating dinner with Allie was always a pleasure. Even when either, or both, of our moods were off, we managed to finish whatever meal we were partaking in good spirits. I knew this had to be due to our particular chemistry. But the consistency of our ability to coexist peacefully and positively still had its mystery.

On this particular evening Allie spoke about the people in her office and how she, at one time, went out with ‘the girls’ after work every now and then. But she ceased doing so because she felt herself caught between two distinct age groups.

The early twenty something girls were going out to party and have a good time extorting free drinks out of whatever guys they happened upon. The thirties girls went out and had a bitch session about why they couldn’t seem to meet a ‘nice guy’ whilst trying to extort free drinks out of whatever guys they happened upon.

And the girls Allie’s age were either married, just divorced, or with their boy friends, in which case their drinks were free anyway. Allie felt caught because she was a bit past the bar scene but she didn’t have a steady either.

“I had always thought that girls night out was kind of a bonding thing?”

Allie laughed at my innocence.

“It’s the guys who go out and bond. Go into any sports bar and they’re more interested in the game then the girls. Now that’s a bonding experience. It’s the weirdest.”

Allie spoke with an obvious ‘been there and done that’ attitude which I couldn’t dispute.

“If you really want to see women bonding, you should go to an all male strip club. Especially if there is a bachelorette party going on.”

“What…?”

“Yeah…” Allie laughed. “That’s where anything goes and I do mean anything. What happens there stays there. Now that’s a real bonding experience.” She giggled. “Haven’t you ever been to a bachelor party?”

“No…” Sadly I hadn’t.

Well it wasn’t like I had a ton of friends anyway. I’d never even been to a strip club although I once had the opportunity…once. I didn’t go cause I chickened out. I felt uncomfortable going to see women dance naked. The very thought of what went on in those places brought the image of my mother to mind and that was enough to make me feel…ill…at the least?

“Well…the next time we have one I’ll bring you along. It’s really lot’s of fun.” Allie snickered.

I agreed. I wasn’t going to dampen Allie’s enthusiasm.

We’d finished our meal and Allie’s compliments made me feel accomplished in that I managed to change her mood radically. I began to clear off the dishes and against my scolding she helped. We readied ourselves for the desserts and coffee.

Now I was in a mood of silence and that must’ve showed. I was usually pretty good at hiding my emotions, especially with my ‘newly found’ hormonal swings, but Allie was beginning to know me too well and I was feeling way too comfortable in her presence.

I set out some lovely looking fruit tarts while Allie wheeled the cart into the kitchen. She soon returned with the freshly brewed coffee, some exotic blend she was fond of, and poured us each a mug full.

Then Allie did something quite unexpected. She moved her chair from across the table to sit adjacent to me. She sat down and took a sip of her coffee. Then she reached out and took my hand and smiled sweetly.

“You know… I don’t feel like I’m talking to some kid just out of college when I talk with you. It’s really kind of nice. You know?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… I feel like I’m speaking with someone my own age…or maybe even a little more mature?” Allie giggled.

“Yeah… Well… I guess I kind of grew up a little too early? You know…?” I smiled.

“I really appreciated that you shared that stuff about your childhood with me. Nobody has ever been that…that personal with me before? I mean… You can’t get any more real than that. I wish other people would be more like you.”

I heard a hint of sadness in Allie’s voice. I didn’t want that. I mean the entire idea of tonight was to bring her out of whatever funk she was in.

“I’ve been thinking since the other night. You know…? When you spoke about your childhood…your mother?”

I smiled and nodded. I gazed at her hand on mine…how beautiful that image was in my mind. Allie was getting right down to it before I could even broach the topic.

“And I felt that… Well… I felt that my childhood really wasn’t so bad. I guess I felt a little bit guilty?”

I leaned forward and took her hand in mine. Allie’s hand was so warm and soft and somehow comforting to hold.

“Why should you feel guilty?” I really was curious.

“Because I guess that the difficulties I had when I was young were really nothing compared to what yours were.”

“Oh Allie…” I sighed and shook my head. “You still feel the pain of that time even today, right?” She nodded. I sensed her choking up a bit. “So who is to say who’s hurt is worse? Pain is pain and it’s all the same when we’re kids. Believe me when I say that I feel for you as much as you do for me. And that’s the benefit of four years of group therapy. No charge to you…” I giggled.

“Four years…?”

“Yeah. I was having trouble sleeping…nightmares and such. It got me a private room though.”

I laughed when I thought about that time in my life. I mean it wasn’t funny or anything. But to have your own room as a freshman in college was certainly something special. Oh my God…! The luxury of it all…! And to keep the same room for almost all four years was a miracle!!!

We shared two more tarts and were now on our second cup of coffee. Our talk was easy and ever flowing and we spoke of a number of things. Well… Allie actually spoke about a number of things. It felt so good to hear her laugh and her excitement was as totally contagious as ever. Somehow we got onto the topic of relationships.

“It’s just nice being with someone, you know? I mean… It’s kind of like being part of something other than just yourself. Something larger than yourself…”

I could almost hear Allie sigh as she spoke.

“I don’t know.”

I tried not to sound sad. In fact I wasn’t sad. I was more… Well… I simply didn’t know.

“I mean you’re the only real friend I ever had and that feels really good.”

“Oh my God baby doll… If you only knew…even just once…what a relationship was really like, it would make you crazy NOT being in one.” Allie leaned in closer to me and she just emanated excitement. “I cherish our friendship…I really do. I can truly say well…maybe you’re my best friend? But as good as this is…” She leaned back in her chair and grinned. “A relationship…let’s call it what it is…being in love is one hundred times better…a hundred times more intense…a thousand times more intense!”

Allie’s eyes rolled up and her hands shot upward like a skyrocket going off.

“I guess I haven’t met the right one yet.”

“Well… Neither have I for that matter.” Allie laughed. “But for all the grief that miserable shit Steven caused me...us...and he did cause me grief, I still…” She sighed and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I still remember those special moments with him. I cherish those moments and often they overshadow the things that were…well… less than ‘cherishable’?”

“Perishable…?” I spoke and made her laugh.

“But I’m not going to stop looking for that special guy.” She sighed again.

“Well…what are you looking for anyway?”

I was curious. I mean… What does a person look for in a…mate?

“I wish I knew!” Allie laughed. “I really believe I have to rethink this entire thing.” She looked down at our interlocked fingers and smiled. “I am too often taken by the…” She looked up at me. “…physical? I mean a hot looking guy is just so…”

Allie smiled broadly and rolled her eyes upward. She didn’t need to finish the sentence. Creamy or dreamy or even steamy didn’t need to be spoken.

“I think I know what you mean.” I said with a giggle.

I knew that feeling…that trembling of excitement. I felt that with Peter.

“I have to be careful you know.” I quickly added.

“Why?”

“Because it’s too easy and I don’t want to get…used? I mean that’s all I seem to get. Used... And I hate that feeling. Like… It goes so far and then it’s like ‘see you’ and they’re gone. I could feel that with Peter in a way. I mean… Where’s his significant other? Or am I only his flavor of the week?”

“Yeah…” Allie scrunched up her nose and frowned. “That seems to be my story as well; although they do seem to hang around for a while…like THREE YEARS!” She laughed. “Maybe you should learn a little more about women. I mean… You should be learning something from being around me anyway.”

“Not really...” I laughed. Allie looked a bit shocked. “I am learning a lot about you and that’s really okay. In fact it’s kind of amazing. And I am learning a lot about Rhona although not the same kind of thing as with you. My image… My vision of women is…well…my mother I guess?”

“Yeah… Well… That’s not a very healthy image. I’m certainly not like that.” Allie stared at me a moment. “Am I…?”

“No…! Not at all…! But I don’t know you the same way.”

I’m definitely not sure of what I meant. But I saw the look on her face and it was one of fear. ‘Does he think I’m a slut’ kind of flashed through my mind.

“And not all sexual experiences are like the one and ONLY one you had with that girl in school. It’s not healthy to simply blow off everyone when it comes to that kind of intimacy, you know? I mean the sexual thing really should be like an extension of the emotional thing.”

“It never gets that far.” Sad… But true...

Allie ‘vibed’ me and smiled sympathetically.

“Okay…lesson number one. Lean in a little closer.”

I did.

Allie put her hands on my cheeks. She leaned in and kissed me on the lips. It really wasn’t much of a kiss but our lips did touch for maybe a second or two. It was just enough time for me to close my eyes and feel the electric shock that seemed to shoot from her lips through mine and then throughout my whole body.

I felt Allie pull away…her lips no longer touching me. And yet my eyes were still closed; my lips still slightly parted.

“Andi? You can open your eyes now.” She giggled. “And please… Breath…!”

I did both. My lips were still in the same position; slightly opened. I stared at her in shock. I hadn’t expected that…that amazing sensation. I really hadn’t expected that!

“That was really nice.” She giggled.

I was speechless. I was still trying to remember to breathe!

“Now…that was kind of an extension of what I felt when we were speaking. It was the closeness…and the openness. You know…? We were talking about things that are very personal and we can do that because we feel safe with each other.”

I nodded.

“Does this mean we need get naked now?”

I must have reeked of fear. I certainly felt myself become really tense and I felt the beginnings of perspiration forming.

“No…!” Allie laughed and smiled. “It wasn’t that kind of a kiss. We really need to start your lessons on women.” She chuckled as she could visibly see me start to relax. “Did you like that kiss?”

“Like it…? Oh my God…! The sensations I felt were…intense and very frightening?”

“Frightening…? Why frightening…?” Allie leaned in toward me.

I thought for a long moment. I never felt anything like that before. Well…maybe with Peter. But this was different. Softer… Gentler… Different…

“I’m not sure. I guess I never expected to feel…” I sighed. “…to feel electricity?”

“Well then… I guess you liked it.” Allie laughed. “Well… I did too. It was very nice…more than very nice actually. Sometimes, when people speak with each other, as we did, it’s nice to have a physical connection that says; ‘yes…this is happening and this is what I feel’. And it doesn’t mean let’s hop into bed.”

I nodded.

“I see women kiss a lot.”

“Uhhh… Yeah…!”

I loved when Allie kind of sang her words as she did with ‘yeah’. I found myself copying her speech patterns because of it.

“We kiss as a thank you, a good morning, a good bye…in fact we don’t need much of an excuse.” She laughed. “But… It’s usually with another woman.”

“Why?”

“Because every time I kiss a guy, regardless of the reason, he thinks I want to fuck him.”

She broke out laughing. I understood that for sure.

“Now guys generally don’t kiss guys unless they’re gay…or European? But if they’re gay, they usually kiss for the same reasons we do. European men kiss other men and it’s no BFD. It’s just the guys here that get weird about it.”

“Does this mean I can kiss you? Are you going to kiss me again?” Allie chuckled at my total innocence. “That didn’t come out right.” I shook my head and frowned.

“Yes sweet heart...” She laughed. “As long as the context is right…okay?”

I grinned and nodded. I leaned toward her and hugged her to me.

“That’s right, it’s sort of like a hug and we do that all the time.” Allie giggles.

Allie and I spoke into the evening…yet again. It seems like whenever we would get together as kind of a date, we couldn’t find a stopping point until exhaustion set in. And it was always wonderful. There were always hugs and it was always very innocent open and…honest?

But I will never forget that first kiss. I will never forget how dynamic an effect it had upon me. In those few seconds…maybe two or three…she made me feel something I had never in my life experienced before…something both physical and spiritual.

I hadn’t come home as of yet but Allie was there. I walked in and heard the three of them in the main room where my work was stacked against the wall.

“Hi.” I said with my biggest smile.

All three turned toward me.

“Well…” He breathed the word. “When does Andrew arrive?”

Bob spoke in a very affected manner. I was reminded of the art ‘aficionados’ my class mates would poke fun at whilst in art school. Bob’s arm and hand movements as he spoke seemed to be somewhat exaggerated as well.

He was about my height, maybe an inch or two taller but he outweighed me easily by one hundred pounds. His hair was prematurely silver although I do believe that if it wasn’t, he would have colored it so. He dressed so very preppy from his buttoned down collared seersucker shirt to the boating shoes on his sockless feet.

“Ummm… I’m Andi?” I managed to speak and smile without giggling, which, I must tell you, was a major show of self-control.

Bob quickly put the horn-rimmed glasses in his hand onto his eyes and gazed at me slack jawed. At a momentary loss for words he turned back to a work that rested on the server. Then he turned back toward me.

“Are you in transition?”

He stared at me slacked jawed as if he didn’t believe his eyes. Then he shook his head quickly and looked at another piece.

“Never mind... You did do this work?” He said as more of a statement.

“Ummm… Yeah…?”

I am so proud of the self-control I exhibited yet again. I looked toward Allie who was turning bright ruby red as she covered her mouth trying to control her very infectious giggle.

I wondered how someone who owned a gallery as prestigious as his could steal enough time to work up such a perfect tan. It, and his silver hair, contrasted wonderfully with his deep blue eyes.

“There are also some painted ceramic pieces.” Jill offered as she and Allie came to my side.

“These are quite nice.” Bob turned to me again. “Do you work in oil paints at all?”

“Uhhh… No… Not yet...”

“Do so...! Immediately...! And think size...!” Bob spoke as Allie led the way to the studio. “I can charge by the square foot.” He chuckled as he slowly sashayed toward Allie’s studio.

I hate paints! Well… Not exactly paints... I hate oils! They really smell and the spirits to thin them and clean the brushes…? Oh my God…! But I knew what he meant. There is just so large you can go with chalks and ink. I’ve seen some really large works go for sinfully extravagant prices.

Upon entering the studio, the first piece Bob laid his eyes upon was the ‘Sun’ bowl. His eyes lit up as well as his smile.

“Oh my… This IS lovely!” He said in his lilting manner of speech.

“Ummm… That one is not for the showing.”

“What…? I could get maybe seven hundred or more for that.”

Bob looked at me with the same expression of incredulity he had when he discovered that I indeed was Andrew.

“Uhhh… That one is for Allie?”

She looked at me with a shocked expression that quickly turned into a very big smile. I knew Allie loved that piece and I truly wanted her to have it from the beginning.

“Pity… Well…” Bob spoke as he nudged his glasses even lower on his tiny pug nose. “In that case I hope we become good friends.”

He continued to look at what Allie and I had set aside for display.

“What happened to Jill?” I asked.

We seemed to have lost her on our way into the studio. Allie shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. Bob took his time and carefully inspected each piece. When he had finished, he turned to me.

“Where’s your studio?”

“Well…” smiled weakly. “…I mostly work around the apartment or in my bedroom.”

“And may I see where that is.” Bob’s voice was somewhat dour.

It was a request as far as I could tell. But… Okay… Whatever… I led the way to my bedroom and that’s where we found Jill. She was holding the one piece I didn’t really want anybody, mainly Allie, to see. It was the charcoal I did of her the night she went to see Steven for the last time. Jill was sitting on the end of my bed and gazing at the piece as it rested on one of my easels.

Allie made a squeaking sound and then covered her mouth when she saw it. I should have destroyed it. Even seeing it now brought back the emotions I felt that night. I must say that I felt terribly invaded at this point. Apart and aside from my bedroom being my only private space, I felt that whatever was in that room was to be shown only at my discretion.

Whilst I didn’t mind Allie entering, and she only did so if I was present and amenable, and I always was, I wouldn’t have let anyone else in. The fact that Jill simply walked in on her own volition was…disturbing?

“I suppose this one’s not for show.” Bob spoke without turning his head away from the piece.

“No. It’s definitely not for display.” I had to control anger as I felt my face color Chianti red. “It’s… It’s an unfinished piece.”

All three of them looked at me. I was quite adamant in my tone. I even surprised Allie who looked at me questioningly. She could instantly see that something was really upsetting me.

She was more than kind enough to take my hand and lead me out and into the main room where the rest of my work was. We waited patiently. She held my hand firmly and stood against me…touching me…letting me know she was there…with me?

In a few moments Jill and Bob followed. They were speaking between themselves as they entered the room.

“Well…” Bob said in a rather blasé manner. “…I think we should show all of it. This work is very good…better then I’ve seen for a first showing in…” He gazed thoughtfully off. “… in quite some time. Have you titled any of these pieces?”

Bob reminded me of the Norman Rockwell piece of a schoolmaster I saw in a coffee table compendium of his work. With his glasses so low on his nose and his peering out over them and his belly just beginning to overlap his belt, I felt I should portray Bob in that similar fashion as a piece of Americana.

“Only the bowl...”

“That nude is…amazing. I wish I could show that.”

Jill, who had been silent till now echoed Bob’s comment.

“And that one is…what…simply…Allie?” Bob inquired.

“No... If I was to title it…I would call it ‘Pearl before Swine’.” Allie squeezed my hand just a bit and I could hear the start of a giggle perhaps?

“Speaking of swines… You really need to do something about that man.” Jill said most angrily.

I looked at Allie. I was quite surprised that she was still hearing from ‘what’s his name’...as she called him.

“It’s okay Jill. He’ll simply find someone else to…to do whatever with.”

Bob and Jill soon left to discuss the details of what needed to be done for the showing to happen. He would give me a section of wall and some display space for the ceramics. Allie, who still held my hand, dragged me back to my room after we had seen Jill and Bob out. She sat where Jill had and pulled me down next to her.

“Okay…? You want to tell me what this…” She waved her hand at the portrait. “…is about? First of all…when did you do this?” She looked at me.

“That night… You know… With what’s his name…?”

I looked down at my hands. I had pulled her hand with mine into my lap.

“Why are you hiding it? I mean…it is gorgeous.”

“No… You’re gorgeous and that’s the only way I see you.”

“Don’t change the subject on me buddy.” She smiled but she was determined to find out what was behind the work. “I want to know what was going on with you. I want to know why suddenly you did this piece.”

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is be honest. It’s not like when someone asks you if you like a mode of dress they’re employing or if you like the soup they spent hours making and you’re trying not to barf it all over the wall as you eat it.

This is deep down, soul of souls honesty and one needs to decide just how naked one wants to get; how much you trust the person you’re with. So I took a deep breath and held her hand in both of mine as I looked into her eyes.

“I was very angry that night.” Allie began to speak. “No… Please… Let me tell you first. I was angry with you and I was angry with me. When you spoke about him, I knew right away that he was married. I don’t know how but…I just knew. I wanted to tell you not to go…not to see him…that it would be bad all the way around. But I didn’t.” I felt tears coming to my eyes. “And I am so very sorry for that. I should have told you. I should have said something. But I didn’t. I am so sorry.”

I completely lost it at that point. I was so distraught, overcome and overwhelmed with guilt that I was verging on a full-blown panic attack. Allie thankfully recognized what was happening and she embraced me and began to speak softly into my ear.

“Shhh… It’s okay sweet heart. Calm yourself.” She began a soothing mantra of sorts.

She began to gently rub my back as she held me with her other arm. My face was buried in her shoulder and I could feel my tears wetting her dress. As I began to calm, Allie reached for a few tissues and handed them to me. I dampened my tears as she held me smiling so very serenely.

“Listen baby doll…” Allie said softly.

“I should have destroyed that portrait.” I sniffled and blew my nose.

“And that would have made you feel better? Everything would have been made all right? No guilt…? Listen Andi…”

Allie only called me Andi when she wanted to make a point and wanted to be sure I was listening…fully.

“If you had told me that night, I would have resented you for nosing into my affairs. AND… I would have resented you for being right. In fact I would have hated you for seeing what I was blinded to. I hope you can understand that?”

I nodded my head and I believed what she told me. What Allie said kind of made sense? I gazed down at the wet tissues in my hand.

“Then why do I feel so…bad…so guilty?”

I looked up at Allie as a tear or two began to flow again.

“Because…you’re an artist in the true sense of the word and when you see truth…” She paused and smiled for a moment. “You must express it. You did the proper thing. Trust me baby. Nothing good would have come from your telling me. And you certainly have done nothing that I need to forgive. I am really so very glad you told me about this now. You might have thought about this for God only knows how long.” Allie giggled.

She was right. And I felt so much better by telling her. I think that’s maybe why I kept her portrait. I must have known that one day it would remind me to relate what I felt and how I acted…or in this case…didn’t act…to Allie. She was so… It was so easy to tell her that I felt silly for not saying something sooner.

“I want this portrait baby doll.”

How very emphatic of her. I had to giggle…finally.

“I want you to sign the back. Title it the way you wanted to and sign it. I’m going to hang it in the cave so we can both be reminded that it’s okay for us to tell each other the truth…always. And it’s also okay for us not to listen.”

She laughed and it was slightly infectious. I caught it…a little.

I got up and went to the portrait. I carefully turned it over and, with a piece of chalk, signed it as Allie wished: ‘Pearl before Swine’…Andi. I slid it into a plastic sheet and handed the piece to her. She placed it upon my bed and stood up. Taking my face gently in her hands, she kissed me.

“Thank you Andi. Thank you so very much.” She hugged me. “What do you think about going out for dinner? Do you feel up to it?”

I felt so very drained at that moment. I felt good…but tired. Emotional outbursts do that to me. I’ve discussed my seemingly weird and unusual emotional swings with Allie. We came to the conclusion that my hormone intake was probably responsible. It seems that every little thing brings tears and sometimes the tears simply come from nothing at all. A major thing like this evening’s drama brings it all out.

But I was also hungry. I seemed to be putting on weight? I mean I always had this weight problem; not nearly enough of it that is. Now I couldn’t seem to get enough food into me. I was in danger of losing my ‘starving artist’ appearance. I guessed it was okay because I felt well enough and had more than enough energy.

So we went across town to China Town. We held each other’s arms as we strolled and for a while we walked in a comfortable silence. I think perhaps that my ‘confession’ was as trying for Allie as it was for me.

We went to a restaurant that we had frequented several times and had a very pleasant meal. The main topic of discussion was ‘our’ showing. We held hands several times over the course of the discussion. I found Allie’s touch becoming ever more comfortable each time I felt it.

When I was young, a mere child, I rarely got touched in a warm, loving, comforting or familiar manner. Touch was usually a very rough thing; it was a slap or a yank on my arm or leg. In school, at least through middle school, a touch was usually a punch or a kick or something of that sort.

This is not to say that I never received a hug or a kiss or some form of familiar touch. But those moments were all too rare and very often left me tense and anxious. Even after I began living with Allie initially, her habit of touching and hugging and even her cheek kisses took some time to become accustomed to. Now her touch was a source of warmth, a degree of comfort and, dare I say it…pleasure?

The next several weeks proved to be extremely busy and trying. Work was becoming quite pressured with the design of the packaging and Peter was given yet another large project for a potential client. I was in the midst of it all and the hours began to evaporate at a faster rate than ever.

Of course there were moments of extreme amusement. My sitting with Rhona for several minutes whilst having my morning coffee became more than a habit; it was a ritual. One morning I sat with her and we were discussing Lord knows what…something that I’m sure was quite trivial…when suddenly she whips out a nail file and begins to work away on a slightly broken nail tip. I looked at my nails out of habit and saw one nail that was perhaps a hair’s breath too long. So… The very next day I had my very own nail file to whip out and file away as well.

Suddenly Peter walks into the office and sees the two of us talking and filing away. He stood in the doorway with a bemused expression on his face. Neither of us noticed him at first so he could have been standing there for several minutes. I had my back to him and I was so intent on what I was doing. It wasn’t until Rhona finally looked up, saw him, and greeted him that I realized what I’d been caught doing.

“Good morning boss.”

Rhona spoke in a nonchalant manner as though this was an everyday occurrence. I, however, nearly jumped off my chair I was so startled and…embarrassed.

“Good morning ladies.”

Peter said with in an off-handed manner. He chuckled and walked to his office. Needless to say, I let Rhona bring him his coffee.

I understood how people could accept what saw when they looked at me. After all, I made no attempt to necessarily hide any sign of…maleness? I was merely conforming to a mental image. But when Peter addressed us as ‘ladies’, he spoke so casually, so easily, so totally normally that I took more than a moment to ponder the big question. Where was Andrew and did I really even care?

I usually wore a bra, now I had several sets of matching bras and panties, on weekends and days off. I had even taken to gluing my ‘boobs’ on with Allie’s assistance in which case they stayed on from Friday night till Sunday night.

But the ‘B’ cup size was too large, in my minds eye, to wear during the working week. So I bought myself a set of ‘A’ cup boobs. I would wear those during the week and even at work. They weren’t nearly as noticeable and, with a suit jacket on, and hunching my shoulders slightly, I felt more at ease with them on.

After all, I wasn’t looking for attention. I was pursuing that image in my mind; working on a work in progress. The world, or at least my little world, was adjusting quite well to my brand of performance art?

Allie and I were invited to Jill’s apartment for dinner one night. Aside from the social aspect of the invite, we were going to discuss a few of the details of our showing. Of course other issues arose.

Jill lived on East Fifty-Sixth Street between First Avenue and York Avenue. She owned a lovely three-bedroom apartment on the upper floor of a high rise. A doorman opened the door to the rather unassuming lobby and called up to Jill to announce our arrival. Evidential he knew Allie and addressed her by name. It was the first time I’d heard her called Ms. Morris. It was the first time I was called ‘and friend’.

We rode the wood paneled elevator up to Jill’s floor in comfortable silence. I was somewhat nervous and Jill held my hand. This was my…our first ‘dinner party’ invite…of sorts? Jill opened the door and she stared at us with a sly smile on her face, she spoke.

“Don’t tell me. You two are now an item?” She chuckled.

“What?” I said instinctively.

Allie and I were still holding hands. But really…? I looked at Allie who giggled.

“Just really close friends... Why…? Are you starting rumors again?” Allie said.

“What do you mean again? I’ve never stopped!” Jill laughed and stood aside bidding us enter. “By the way Andi… You look amazing. Simply gorgeous…”

I blushed a shade of auburn and smiled coyly. I did make an extra attempt to look nice. I even did my dramatic ‘evening look’ with some help from Allie. After all, I now was ‘uptown’.

Jill’s apartment was a mini museum of art. The walls were covered with works in various mediums and where ever there was a book shelf or a table, ceramics and various other pieces including constructions, some of which occupied an entire corner, could be found. I immediately began to look at every single thing I could lay my eyes upon.

Even Jill’s assortment of furniture appeared to be either antique, or inventive, which made for an eclectic setting. I found a stack of lawyer’s bookcases and they contained what could only be first editions of various writers. The volumes comprised several languages and some of the tomes were leather bound and of obvious age.

I could hear Allie and Jill conversing but I was so focused on what I was doing that when Allie approached me with a glass of white wine, she needed to touch my arm with the chilled glass to capture my attention. When we sat down at the dining room table, I was still casting my gaze all around at pieces I wanted to examine. I did notice an empty space between two oils.

“Oh that, my dear Andi, is where my fee from you will rest. You did read what I sent you before you signed it, didn’t you?” Jill chuckled when I turned bright fire engine red and shook my head.

“Allie said you would be fair and honest. So I simply signed the thing.”

“Ah ha…! Now you can blame her for any misunderstanding we might have.” Jill chuckled wryly.

“Of course!” I laughed as I gazed at Allie.

I reached for her hand almost instinctively and she gave it to me. We touched fingertips for a moment.

“What is it with you two?” Jill inquired without a smile this time.

“Andi does that when he’s nervous.” Allie shrugged and smiled. “Anyway, he has lovely hands and they’re nice to hold.” She giggled as she looked at me.

“Whatever… So let’s talk a little about the showing. It will be in early December so we must get a mailing together as soon as possible. If Bob does it he will charge a fortune so we must take care of that ourselves.” Turning to me, Jill spoke again. “Make a list of everybody you know. Include teachers you’ve had, classmates, of course the people at work.”

Jill went on and on and on about what needed to be done. Thankfully Allie was paying extremely close attention because I was lost in a dreamland of sorts. I was sort of mesmerized by Allie; the way she looked when she listened with her head cocked slightly to one side and how she smiled and nodded with her brand of exuberance. I was just getting to the part of what it would be like to be naked next to her when a discordant phrase caught my ear.

“What?”

“Well dear, now that you’ve chosen to join us again…” Jill smiled impishly. “I was simply saying that Bob thought it best to advertise the showing as ‘Andi’ and not Andrew… Whatever is your family name anyway?”

I guess I hadn’t told Jill.

“Anyway… Bob felt that the show should be your artwork and not you. He felt it best to simply use Andi and no family name since that seems to be the way you sign your work anyway.”

“Oh I don’t care about that. What about Allie though? I mean… Her work is showing as well. Can’t it be Andi and Allie or something?” Allie laughed and clutched my hand.

“You are sweet Andi but then why not give some space for whoever manufactured your pens and inks? It’s really your work and your show. I’m just happy to have you use some of my pieces.” Allie said sweetly.

“Are you two sleeping together or something?”

“Jill…!” We almost spoke simultaneously.

“Well… Why not…?”

“Listen Jill… We’re just really good friends. And that’s all.” Allie was quite emphatic although she did need to suppress a giggle.

Once we got past the showing talk, the conversation really became quite lively and animated. Jill, as I was to learn, was a marvelous hostess. She never let an opportunity pass by where a compliment could be imparted and she even began to see me in a different light as I opened up a bit. At first I found her to be intimidating but that changed when I realized that she was simply full of life and considered every moment a blessing.

When she realized how close the relationship between Allie and me was, Jill began to treat me in a similar manner; kind of like an adult child…her child. I must admit it took a while to become accustomed to this but after some time I became very comfortable with her ways. When the evening finally ended, we even hugged and kissed goodbye.

During the cab ride home Allie and I held hands. We were doing so more and more; maintaining that comfortable physical contact when we were out and about town together. Even in the apartment we would touch every so often and I always felt an energy that seemed to pass between us.

Odd as it may seem, I also found myself doing something quite similar with Rhona. I would touch her hand when we spoke or she would grasp my wrist. On occasion she would fuss a bit with my hair or I would adjust her blouse.

It was such an odd thing when I would think about it. Then one day I simply stopped thinking about it and accepted these mannerisms as something close friends did. It never occurred to me that it was usually close friends who were women.

Allie and I began photographing and cataloging the various pieces listed to go to the gallery. With only a few days till the showing we finally had most of the work done. The pieces were matted and the panels dry enough to be moved and the ceramics were wrapped, boxed and ready. Two days before the showing everything was moved over to the gallery. Bob, his assistant Ramon, Allie and I began the painstaking process of deciding what went where.

My showing went unbelievably well. For a first showing by an unknown artist it was nearly unheard of to have unanimously outstanding reviews. But my biggest surprise was at the amount of art that did get sold and the prices the pieces commanded.

The ‘show’ itself was great fun. Every art aficionado type was there…probably off of Bob’s list of names. Then all of Allie and Jill’s guests came and they proved to be a lot of fun. Even Peter invited a number of his friends and they came ready to purchase.

Allie stayed by my side nearly the entire time at my insistence. Firstly I wanted to promote her work and secondly, more importantly, I was scared silly at the start of things and her presences always provided a strong degree of comfort and security.

I dressed for this occasion very carefully and meticulously. Allie helped me every step of the way. We purposely went out and purchased an outfit to wear; something new and not in my normal range of style.

The top was sleeveless with a sloping neck and totally sequined in a chevron pattern of red, silver, and electric blue on a black field. The pattern was replicated on the back. We found a rather lovely pair of black leather pants that weren’t cut in a typical jean pattern.

After much searching and nearly as much frustration, Allie finally convinced me to try on a pair of ankle boots with a two and a half inch heel; my first true heels! They were like the nineteenth pair of shoes we’d tried and Allie was ready to kill me. I was so obstinate and totally set against heels. That left out so many things that would have been perfect for the outfit.

I must admit that the ankle boots did look really great. They had silver heels and toe caps and the length of the pants fell perfectly to reveal only the hint of both. They were lace ups but I kind of found that to be a pleasant change from my usual slip on flats or kitten heeled pumps. Now I only had to learn to walk in them!

Just to make sure we both looked our best, Allie made appointments for us at the salon for the complete works; nails, hair trims, and cosmetic styling. I definitely wanted to look my best ever and Allie, who always looked amazing, managed to look even more amazing.

Thankfully the foundation and concealer, things that I never use, covered up the remains of my mistreatment at the hands of Steven. Whilst I was given the smoky eye treatment that was complimented with wine reds, Allie was the berry queen with soft pinks with varying degrees of blues mixed in. Allie’s lipstick not only matched her nails, the shade also matched the berry colored silk gown that draped her body.

Jill arrived fairly early with a few of her friends. She immediately took control of the wine and cheese making sure that everybody, as they arrived, was greeted with a glass of wine. Her belief was that the more wine imbibed, the more people were willing to spend. She wasn’t totally wrong and the better the people were dressed, the more wary she was to make sure their glasses were never empty.

Two of my teachers came, which was quite gratifying. They were duly impressed with what I had to offer and, after being reassured that indeed I was NOT transitioning, began to analyze everything that was right about each of my more ‘important’ pieces. They thought that what I had done with Allie’s pottery was wonderfully fresh for an art form that is only slightly younger than cave paintings.

Peter arrived with a ‘friend’. He immediately sought me out and greeted me with a hug and a kiss, which, as usual, sent a shiver throughout my body. Allie simply got a hug and she rolled her eyes and turned her head away when Peter turned back toward me. He put his arm around my waist and began to walk me along the wall as we spoke about what hung before us.

I never did find out the name of his friend but Allie did. Apparently neither of them could take their eyes off of us as we casually strolled very slowly along. Raoul, Peter’s new ‘friend’, was evidently quite jealous when he discovered my ‘little’ secret and learned that I was not even thinking of transitioning. Of course Allie, with a giggle, didn’t find it very difficult to impart that information freely to the somewhat perturbed Raoul.

Rhona showed up and proved to be one of the few friendly faces I could always count on to be by my side when anxiety visited. She spent a good deal of time with Allie, which I appreciated because everybody was trying to gain my attention; Bob most of all.

Every time one of Bob’s guests would arrive, he would grab my elbow and literal drag me to greet them. Of course I realized that this was the money crowd, the buying crowd, and whatever Bob suggested they considered very seriously.

However that didn’t make the exercise any easier. I mean it was fun speaking with different people and all but the selling part was…well…not exactly distasteful but certainly confusing? I mean… How does one appraise the value of one’s art?

The single highest roller turned out to be Peter and I was quite surprised. He actually got into a bidding war over my painting of Allie that I entitled ‘Bed Side’. Evidentially Bob’s assistant neglected to price the piece and there were three interested parties. After some rather heated dialog and even more heated bidding Peter won out. Peter truly felt that the painting was a bargain if I continued to produce ‘high quality’ work and established myself.

In truth it was my favorite piece. I needed to ask myself what I really wanted to relate about Allie as she slept alongside of my hospital bed. This caused me to think of what I truly considered the essence of this woman, at least at that moment. I thought about the nature of the women in my life. And I wondered what it was about them that attracted me so very much.

After all, Allie, Jill, and Rhona certainly were three completely different personalities. There was no denying this fact. Yet there was something about all three that they shared in common, at least in their dealings with me. They were very protective. It was almost as if I was a child, and, in truth, perhaps I was. They would hug me to them when I was feeling the pressures of being in an adult world and they would try to sooth me.

To project this one step further, the hugging was almost as if they were trying to return me to their womb for safe keeping. That was the one place where baby was safe. Rhona had two children. Allie and Jill had none. Yet they both reacted in the same fashion as Rhona. I cannot recall my own mother ever acting in such a fashion but there are always exceptions to every rule.

I would guess that this is a female thing because men, or at least Peter, protected in a different fashion. Although I was certainly getting into the spirit of hugging with people in general, my first instinct when Steven assaulted Allie was to attack. I suppose that lent some credence to Andrew still lurking about in the shadows of Andi. And I would come to find that Peter, in a much less physical fashion, acted in a similar fashion.

Now my challenge with that painting was how to show this…this protective feminine mode…with a figure in a sleeping pose. What I did was to have my hand out palm up and one of Allie’s hands beneath mine and the other hand on top. In covering my hand, the idea of protecting could be assumed. The lighting had to be dim for both figures to be asleep so the strongest ambient light focused upon the hands and Allie’s face.

The scene was painted looking down over my shoulder so that only my arm and a portion of the bed that Allie rested her head could be seen. The light was from a night light over my head. The painting, I thought, worked wonderfully. Obviously Peter and several others thought the same to the tune of ninety six hundred dollars! Sacred feces…!

The showing was a financial and an artistic success beyond what anyone could ever have imagined. More than half the pieces were sold the first evening and by the end of the weekend, nearly all were claimed.

Allie, no doubt, added to the drama of the showing by standing alongside the nudes and portraits I had done of her, and imparting whatever little tidbits of interest had occurred during the sessions. She also accepted commissions for several joint work ceramic pieces.

An incredible review of the showing appeared in the Sunday newspapers that just made the entire experience so dream like. I mean this was the stuff I would dream about and never thought would ever happen though nobody seemed a bit surprised. I was now ‘the rising star of the New York art scene’. I was in no way equipped to deal with that kind of thing so I sort of ignored it?

What really almost gave me a chubby was the check I received from Bob for thirty two thousand dollars. That was after his commission of sixty percent. That percentage is actually not uncommon for an unknown artist showing in a ‘name’ gallery. He wanted to rewrite our agreement immediately so that he might have an exclusive. I told him that Jill was taking care of all that sort of thing. I think I heard him actually have a bit of indigestion over hearing about Jill acting as my ‘agent’?

Peter, of course, wanted to have first viewing of everything I did. He hated to pay retail and he even hated giving his money to ‘that old queen’, as he referred to Bob. I of course instantly agreed and told him that price could be worked out with Jill and I would tell her to be kind.

Allie was beside herself with joy. The entire weekend was like a never-ending wonderful dream for her. I’m not sure what proved to be the greater joy; her work being shown or my overwhelming reception. In either case she was so totally part of the showing that one would think it was her gallery.

However nothing compared to what happened when I showed up at home with my check and her portion of it. I decided to give her half of what the pottery fetched. Really it was the shape of the pieces and her touch that dictated what I painted upon them. Half came out to slightly over twelve hundred dollars.

Allie was literally beside herself, along with herself, and upside down herself. She was literally jumping and bouncing up and down as she clung to that check as if it was her first and last. Now I must be perfectly clear that twelve hundred dollars didn’t cover her bra and panty sets bill. But it wasn’t the money at all. It was that her art…her ceramic art…that fetched the price. Of course she wasn’t beyond realizing that it was our joint effort that made the totality of the pieces. But she couldn’t help bathing in the warmth of knowing that her effort was of some real value.

Christmas was just ‘around the corner’ and the town was already in the spirit. Allie and I spent several evenings after the showing putting together two formal catalogues; one of my pieces and one of hers. I didn’t want to waste any time ‘basking in the glory’ of the showing. I was determined to begin working on new pieces while the spirit was still within me. I know what can happen when one takes a break after a showing of any sort.

Allies parents were conspicuously absent from the showing, which was curious. I know she didn’t get along well with them but she still had periodic contact. She was invited for Thanksgiving but chose to spend it in the city with Jill. Of course I was a ‘plus one’ guest. Jill did mention that Allie customarily spent Christmas Day with them and that Allie would love to have me join her.

And so the partying began. I mean the entire city it seems; every business and, every other thing, simply had to have some sort of party. Ours was on the seventeenth at the private club of the company’s president. He secured a private room and held a sit down luncheon complete with an open bar. I would have loved to invite Allie but, regrettably, her company party was on the same day.

I sat at a table with members of the ‘creative team’ from other areas of the company. Thankfully Rhona was next to me because Peter, who would have been excellent company as well, was at another table with some of the account executives. Several of them wanted to meet me and thankfully Peter had been referring to me as ‘Andi’ so that they weren’t put off at all. Andrew was definitely absent from this affair.

I was hoping to meet up with Allie afterward but she had texted me that she was ‘involved’…her emphasis…not mine…and she would be home late. I must admit that I was somewhat envious of whoever mister ‘involved’ might be. I was having these feelings…these desires…for her and I had no idea of how to approach her on this level; a physically involved level. Thank you mom wherever you are. Thank you dad, whoever you are.

I mean…well…it’s not like I even knew what to do even if we were naked together. I think I simply wanted the intimacy of touching Allie; of gliding my hand over her body. Maybe I simply wanted to feel our bodies naked next to one another; touching, caressing, and embracing.

If she had a dick I’d probably try and suck it. With guys it’s so much easier; even if they don’t appreciate the act in the same manner as I do. I mean…what more intimate act can one perform on another than to take another’s sexual organ in one’s mouth? I think this is the ultimate in trust.

I’m not speaking of simply getting someone off but to hold that very sensitive and delicate piece of someone’s physicality with the one orifice that all we are centers around. We speak with it and sing with it. We taste and eat and…well…do so many other things with it. Simply holding another’s sexual organ in one’s mouth precludes doing anything other than concentrating on that one act with that one person.

I thought I knew what I needed to do. I needed to stop doing nudes of Allie. I needed to put those erotic and sensual images out of my mind. Allie was becoming more than a mere muse. She was becoming an obsession. I would begin a new series of sketches…all with her being clothed. Oh…there could be a bit of suggestion…maybe an exposed thigh or cleavage…or even bared shoulders, but no nudity.

I needed to begin to think of her in other terms. When I would arrive home I would quickly wash and change. I would put on my working clothes…clean panties…with liner…and an over sized tee shirt that already bore the scars of color from previous use as well as baggy pants. I would sit in my studio, surrounded by the stench of the oils and spirits, and begin to sketch.

My first endeavor would become Allie throwing mud at her wheel. I knew exactly what I wanted to see the moment the thought of her bent over the wheel came to mind. Allie was incapable of doing anything without putting a piece of herself into the task. Her concentration was complete and she didn’t even bother to look at her hands, or whatever tool was in her hands. Her entire focus was on the formless mass of clay that would begin to take shape, form, and ‘life’.

So my emphasis would be on her face…her eyes focused on the object…and her hands. The true challenge was to link that hand-eye thingy that goes on and frame in within the context of her hands and the shapeless mass upon her wheel. Allie’s hands needed to portray all the feeling and emotion that she felt about what she was working on. The true challenge was to make her hands express that emotion whilst partially obscured by the clay.

I quickly drew my thoughts onto the paper with the hard pastels. Once I could clearly see what I desired in my mind’s eye, I removed that piece from my easel and began the next work; Allie examining a piece of pottery ready for the bisque firing. Again I wanted to capture her intense gaze as she examined the piece and the loving and delicate manner her hands caressed the dried clay, now with form.

By the time I heard Allie enter the apartment; I had managed to sketch nine possible works. I had no idea of the time. I kept no clock in the studio but I knew it was late, or early morning. I called out to her as I was covering the sketch on my easel and heard her reply as I was on my way to wash my hands and face. I doffed my tee shirt and pants as I left the studio and headed toward the kitchen after grabbing my robe from the bedroom.

Upon entering the kitchen I saw Allie grinning as I’d rarely seen before. Her arms were wrapped around her herself just below her breasts as I’ve seen women do forever. She spun around quickly, her golden loops of curls flying away from her head like an exploding aurora. She was more than happy; she was ecstatic. As I felt a sharp stabbing pain in my heart, I smiled, not wanting to even slightly blemish her spirit.

“Oh God sweetie… I think I’m in love.” Allie squealed as she rush to me and embraced me. “He is the most wonderful guy I’ve ever met!” She spun me around with her and kissed me on the lips.

‘Is that his dick I taste on your lips? Back up…let me see if you’re dripping bits of him. What did he give you in token kind? Does he have your number…and I don’t mean your phone number?’ Not a single happy thought crossed my mind! All I had was visions of my mother returning from another one of her…‘dates’. I felt like screaming at her, berating her, beating her, well, not really beating her. But all I could do was embrace her.

“I am so very happy for you.” That’s all I could say. I felt like running to the sink and barfing. “So tell me all about it.”

I mustered all within me to at least sound excited. Allie broke away from me and spun around again.

“He was wonderful. I’d heard about him from some of the other women who said he was a player?” ‘You FOOL...!’ I thought. “But he came right up to me and began talking about all his plans and dreams and he asked me what my dreams were…” ‘He meant your nightmares stupid!’ “And he wanted to know all about my art? He was so interested in me.”

Allie’s eyes began to fill with tears of joy…mine with tears of sorrow.

“What does he look like?” I had to know.

“Oh my God…he is so…gorgeous! He’s like the most…ever!”

I felt like I was back in high school listening to some girl go on and on about some guy she only just met.

“He’s tall and has dark brown hair. And he has such beautiful brown doe eyes!”

Barfo…! But I nodded and smiled and tried to be excited for her.

“We had a drink at the party and he invited me out for another at this really nice little place near Lincoln Center. And we had a bite to eat. And then he asked if I’d like to come up to his apartment…”

It was at this point that I stopped really listening and realized that my smile was truly beginning to hurt my face. I mean really… How long can anyone be expected to keep up a false smile? I finally managed to extricate myself from this very…‘trying’ situation? Allie had finally talked herself out. I grasped the moment to stretch out my arms, yawn, and hug her as I whispered a ‘good night’ into her ear.

“Hello?” I used my best still asleep croaking voice.

“You need to find Allie!”

It was Jill and she sounded angry…upset…even more incessant than the phone…and all this at the same time. I quickly woke up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and face.

“She’s here. What’s wrong Jill?” Now I was becoming a bit worried.

“Then find her…now! I’ve been trying to call her and she hasn’t answered her phone. You need to find her now!” Jill never repeated herself before. “Find her and call me when you do.”

Jill hung up the phone leaving me stunned. I quickly got out of bed and donned a tee shirt and my robe. I slid my feet into my slippers and left my bedroom heading directly toward hers. The door was opened so I didn’t even bother looking inside. I heard the radio playing in the kitchen so I went there next.

Upon entering the kitchen I saw Allie sitting at the counter staring off into space. Tears were running down her cheeks and she looked…terrible.

“Allie?” I said softly.

She turned toward me; her face was a mask of anger!

“SHUT UP ANDI!!!”

Allie slammed her hand down on the counter top. Her voice and tone frightened me. She glared at me and then pointed to the radio.

I heard a man’s voice speaking. I pulled a stool up alongside of Allie and I sat down and listened.

“Listen… I made her very happy last night and I made a few bucks on top of it. So what is the BFD?”

“Yeah… But to bet your buddies and then to out what you did to that poor woman on the radio... That isn’t what I would call being a nice guy.”

I recognized this voice. He was one of two D.J.’s on the most popular early morning show in town.

“Look… The cow needed a booty call and I happened to be available, which rarely occurs. I mean it’s not like she has men crawling all over her.”

“How could he do this to me?”

Allie looked up at me with tears streaming down her face. I suddenly realized that the guy on the radio was the guy she was so very enamored with last night!

“He’s saying the most horrible things about me. He even used my name! And he mentioned where we both worked! Everyone in the whole world knows about this now!”

Poor Allie was becoming hysterical…and rapidly!

I was at a complete loss for what to say. I picked up her phone and saw that a number of people had called this morning. Allie had simply turned off the sound and vibrate. I tried to put my arms around her to comfort her but Allie held up her hands fending me off.

“That bastard…! That son of a bitch…! Why did he do this to me? I never did anything to him! Why does he hate me so much? He called me a fat pig and a cow! Last night he said…”

Allie couldn’t go on any further. She broke down completely and hid her face in her hands as she cried.

I had to go and call Jill. I needed to let her know that I was with Allie and would stay with her for as long as necessary. I was still shocked that anybody could be this callous and cruel to another person; especially toward Allie.

“Don’t you worry about that little shit!” I could feel Jill seething over the phone. “I’ll take good care of him. He’ll never work in this town again! Not ever…! What he did is inexcusable.”

“What can I do for Allie?”

I had no idea of what to do…how to make her feel better?

“Just be her friend Andi. That’s all you can do. This one will take time to heal. Just look after her and I’ll be down later. First I need to deal with that bastard.”

At least I felt that someone was going to do something about what had just occurred. Poor Allie was devastated. To be the loser on the other side of someone else’s bet was bad enough but to be publicly humiliated and degraded was tantamount to being publicly assaulted. I went back into the kitchen to find Allie speaking on the phone with the radio turned off.

I tried to approach her but Allie simply turned away from me. I tried again but she made it quite clear to me that she didn’t want me to hear whom she was speaking with or what was being said. My phone rang once again. It was Jill once again.

“Andi… Dear… Please get her off the radio. She is not helping herself by speaking with those…those people.”

OH…MY…GOD…! She was speaking to the D.J.’s on the radio! I went after Allie’s phone and as gently as possible. She was not a weakling after working with clay for years and her hands were like small vises. I finally wrestled the phone away from her as she continued to talk. I spoke into the phone.

“I’m Allie’s friend…”

“What’s your name dear?”

“That’s not important. Anyway, there has been enough of a spectacle made at her expense and…”

“Listen mystery guest…our boards are lighting up with angry women from all over town and the burbs. Please… I know she’s upset and she has a right to be…”

“I could kill that bastard!” I suddenly realized what I said. “Sorry…”

“That’s okay. We let that one through I think. Anyway… I think it would be helpful to her if she listened to what some of these other women have to say. Personally I think that John should be shot!”

I turned to Allie who was still crying although she had calmed down quite a bit.

“His name is John?” I asked.

“Yeah… John Simms...” Allie sniffled and spoke without a second thought.

I immediately spoke into the phone.

“His last name is Simms…John Simms.” Allie looked at me with a surprised and anguished look. “She didn’t even want me to tell you his last name. That’s the kind of person she is. She wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

“You seem like you know Allie well.”

“I do. She’s my…landlord…uhhh…landlady? And she’s the kindest most generous person I’ve ever met. AND…as for being a…what did he call her, a fat pig and a cow? She does posing for renowned artists at their insistence. She’s far from anything he might have spewed out.”

“Well Ms. Mystery Tenant, I don’t imagine John Simms will be getting any dates very soon in this town. I want to thank you for speaking with us and for being a good friend to Allie.”

“Thanks and we will be listening to what others have to say.”

I put down Allie’s phone and turned to her with a sympathetic smile. She had stopped crying but was staring at the tissue in her hands. I had to call work. I wasn’t going to leave Allie alone until either Jill arrived, or she felt well enough to enter the day. I dialed work and got Rhona on the phone. I began to explain to her what had happened but she already knew.

“Oh my God…! Poor Allie…” Rhona sounded as though she had tears in her eyes.

“Yeah… So I’m going to stay with her until Jill comes. I feel so horrible about what happened.”

“Well you should hear what’s going on! The callers to the radio station are ready to hunt this fucker down and cut his balls off.” Rhona sniffled. “He’s going to have to leave town, and like immediately. What a jerk…! Anyway, I think you should speak to Peter. He’s really expecting you in today. Some big shots are coming to visit or something. Hold on sweetie.”

Faaaahhhhhk…! What a horrid time to be needed at work.

“Morning Andi... What’s up?”

Well… Peter sounded calm enough even though he was in a bit early.

“I don’t know whether you’ve been listening to Gamma radio today…”

“Yes I have. It’s been a wild and wooly show.” He chuckled.

“That’s our Allie they’ve been talking about.”

“What…? You’re joking. Right…?” He sounded genuinely shocked.

“Peter…” I sighed. “You know I have no sense of humor.”

“Oh dear God…! How is she? What a nightmare this must be for her.”

He sounded quite concerned…which would be totally in character.

“I shouldn’t leave her alone. Jill said she would come and stay with her but I don’t know when.”

“I really need you in this morning. Why don’t you bring her in with you? Rhona would be just the person to tend to Allie and you know our staff. Everybody will be very sympathetic to her.”

I thought about it for a moment. I really would rather have Allie stay at home where she could be comfortable but I understood Peter’s situation and that he wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t very important. I looked up at the clock on the wall.

“Okay Peter. We’ll be in as soon as possible. What time are our guests arriving?”

“Not until eleven or so. Take whatever time you need and you can leave as soon as we’re done which should be before noon. I understand that what I’m asking is difficult with Allie’s situation today and I really do appreciate your effort Andi.” I could tell from his voice that he did. “Oh, and I’ll call Jill and let her know what’s up.”

“Thank you so much Peter.”

I looked at Allie who had stopped crying and was sitting quietly still looking at her now well-worn tissue. I went and put my arms around her and rested my head on her shoulder for a moment.

“Why did he do this to me?” She began to sniffle again.

“Come baby… Let’s get dressed.”

“I can’t go to work! Oh my God…!!!” Her tears began to flow again. “How can I show my face there…ever?”

Allie looked up at me in total panic. I could hear the strain and panic in her voice.

“No sweet heart… You’re coming with me. I need to go into work for a short time. You’ll be hanging with Rhona. She makes one dynamite cup of coffee and nobody will bother you there. We’ll leave soon. I only have one thing to do for Peter.”

We went back and forth for a short while. I was finally able to convince her that it was best to be out and with people who would be sympathetic to her plight. I couldn’t imagine how anyone wouldn’t be. Anyway, Allie went off to dress and I did the same.

I knew I had to dress to impress even though as an artist I could probably get away with just a pair of jeans and a top. But I chose a linen suit in ash grey. The jacket was tailored nicely without too much ‘shoulder’ and darted to emphasize my waist. The trousers where flared slightly and would cover the kitten heels I would wear. A plain ivory silk camisole top was perfect for a statement without making a statement.

I managed to shower, dress, and do my makeup lightly in about forty minutes; a new record. When I left my room, I smelt the coffee and headed for the kitchen. Allie already had two travel mugs ready for us.

“You look amazing today.” Allie sniffled as she checked me out.

“Yeah…with my amazing one wear linen suit.”

I had to have it pressed every time I wore it. I loved linen but it was such a pain to keep it from looking like I slept in it.

“No…really! And I think that those beads are perfect for that suit.”

Allie loved this particular set of antique glass beaded jewelry. The earrings, the bracelet and the necklace all matched and the golden color was a nice contrast to the light grey sheen of the suit. It was nice to see Allie at least smiling a little. I hoped that it would last. I could see the trauma of the morning still wearing on her angelic face.

We went down to the street after grabbing our coats and managed to get a cab fairly quickly. We sat silently on the ride up to my office. I held her hand all the way. I must say that Allie was one of those women who could look lovely wearing a sweat suit and floppies. She dressed casually and still looked as though she was ready for an evening out.

Rhona greeted us from her usual place in the small reception area. She leapt out of her chair and rushed to Allie, embracing her and kissing her cheek.

“Oh you poor thing!” She said as she held onto Allie’s arms. “You should hear what he started. There’s talk of a ‘sex out’. Women are calling into the radio station in support of a no sex this week movement.” Rhona laughed. “That bastard will be lucky to get home alive.”

Allie smiled but I could see the tears well up again. I prepared a cup of coffee for Peter, who just happened to be addicted to caffeine, and started for his office. Allie quickly grabbed my arm.

“Where are you going?” I could hear fear in her voice and see it in her eyes.

“I’m just going down the hall to Peter’s office. I need to speak with him and then I’ll be back.” I smiled down at Allie and hugged her with my free arm. “You’ll be fine here with Rhona.” She smiled and let go of my arm.

Peter’s door was open but he was on the phone when I peeked in. He smiled and motioned at me to come in and sit. I set the coffee on his desk by his right hand and removed the old cup. I trashed it and then sat patiently waiting while he finished his call.

“A long day so far…?” Peter asked as he set down the phone.

He leaned forward in his chair and took a sip of his coffee. His eyes never left mine.

“Yeah…” I rubbed my forehead with my hand.

“By the way…you look quite lovely this morning.”

“Thank you Peter.” I managed to smile and blush in spite of what was on my mind. “I do try.”

“I know you do. And before we get into anything, I would like you to join me on New Years Eve. I have a small party every year and there will be some people there you might need to meet; people who appreciate fine art. And do bring Allie if you’d like. Oh… And it is a formal occasion.” Peter grinned.

“Formal…?” Oh my God…does this mean a dress…a gown no less?

“Yes…tuxedoes for the men and gowns for the ladies. It will be quite nice I promise you. And I understand that ever since Ellen came out to the world, there are now tuxedoes with a decidedly feminine look.”

Peter smiled at me as he took away the only excuse I might have for begging out of the night.

“Oh… Okay… That sounds great.” I felt nauseous.

Peter leaned forward and placed his elbows on the desk.

“I’ve been listening to what’s been going on…on the radio. I can’t believe this happened to poor Allie…of all people.”

I couldn’t stop myself. I began to tear up. Peter grabbed his tissue box and handed it across his desk to me. Curiously, Peter then sniffed the air. I arched my brows and dried my eyes as I watched him.

“I smell something burning.” Peter was quite dramatic

“What?”

“I smell something burning.” He repeated more emphatically. “And I think it’s you!” He said with a smile.

“What…?!” What…?!

“I think you have a burn for Allie. You have a flame for her.”

I really burst into tears. Peter quickly got up and closed his office door. He also shut the blinds to his glass wall. I couldn’t believe that I’d been that obvious. And if I was that obvious to him, then who else knew? Anyway, was it really a flame? Did I want her that badly and why was I being so…so…so dishonest with myself? If it was true, shouldn’t I simply recognize it for what it is?

“Let me tell you something. I probably shouldn’t but…well… I do think very highly of you as an artist and as a person.”

Peter spoke as he sat back down in his chair. He put his elbows on his desk and leaned a bit closer.

“I was married…once. I even have a daughter.”

I looked at Peter with surprise. I never knew, or even heard, about that. All I knew was that he was gay. I mean he did kind of come on to me, in spite of my mode of dress and demeanor.

“It was years ago. I was young and I met her whilst in school.” Peter turned his gaze from me to the side and stared into space for a moment before continuing. “We really got along great. On many levels she was my soul mate. I would eat spicy food and she’d get indigestion.”

He looked at me and I smiled and nodded. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose as he continued.

“There was only one problem. Every time we had sex, I felt like I needed to take a shower afterwards. It simply didn’t feel right. Sex, with her, became an exercise in hygiene.”

I nodded. I knew that feeling all to well even though I only felt it once.

“I couldn’t obtain that one single precious moment of physical intimacy with her and that should have been a natural thing.”

Again I nodded. I couldn’t imagine how terrible it was for him. He was naming my biggest fear. It was almost like he was fortune telling my fate as he related this bit of himself to me.

“We had to divorce.”

Peter cleared his throat and turned away from me for another moment.

“I had to admit to myself that I had a definite preference for men and that I could be close and achieve a certain amount of intimacy with her…but…it would never be in bed. We are still great friends.”

He smiled warmly. He was a bit misty eyed.

“I see her several times a month; sometimes every week…or more. We speak often on the phone and we have a great relationship. Our daughter has benefited from the fact that we never stopped loving one another. And she’s old enough now to understand why we had to do what we did. The odd thing is that neither one of us has found anyone else we could have any long term relationship with.”

As Peter’s story unfolded, I felt so sad for him, and his ex-wife.

“Do you regret it?” I had to ask. I had to know. “I mean being married or getting divorced?”

“Yes and no.” Peter laughed. “I certainly don’t regret meeting her and getting married and I certainly don’t regret the child we made together. I don’t regret getting divorced because we weren’t happy with the way things were and we both knew there was nothing that could be done about it. I do regret not seeing her as often as I perhaps would like. But life is full of choices and to make one choice is always to forgo another.”

Peter sat back in his chair and smiled. He looked as though he was lost in thought as he clasped his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair rocking back and forth slowly.

“I wouldn’t know where to begin. I mean…I’m not exactly Mister Aggressive in the ‘dating a girl’ department.” I had to admit I sounded forlorn even to myself.

“She probably sees you as more of a friend than a potential suitor?” Peter chuckled. There was no sarcasm in his voice.

“How can I change that?”

I regretted that question almost before I’d finished asking it.

“I really wouldn’t know Andi.” Peter laughed again. “I mean it’s not like shaving off a beard you know.”

I had no idea of what he meant and my face must have shown that.

“You might start by dressing more to your gender? She might see you…differently?”

“I don’t think I can do that anyway. I’ve already started hormones.” I mumbled under my breath.

“You what…?” Peter suddenly sat up in his chair and looked at me in shock. “Are you sure you’re not transitioning? Hormones are a very serious matter.”

“I’m seriously not transitioning Peter. I simply want…” Oh God…do I have to explain this yet again? “…I just want my clothes to fit properly.”

“Listen Andi… You really should keep that information to yourself? There’s enough confusion about this department as it is. And our clients, especially the one you so ably helped us to get, think you’re a woman. It would be best to keep it that way. They are oh so very… What’s the proper word? Conservative…?”

“Okay Peter... I understand.” Yeah…they’re ass holes! “But what can I do? I mean…I don’t want to ever regret not at least trying with Allie.”

I was trying, somewhat successfully, to hold back tears. Peter stared at me for a moment or two.

“I really shouldn’t be doing this. But have you tried making yourself scarce?”

“Huh…?”

“Well… Spend more time out by yourself or maybe in your studio? Absence makes the heart grow fonder you know.” Peter chuckled.

“I don’t really have a studio at home that I can spend a lot of time in? The oils smell so awful. So I kind of work wherever I happen to be. I could spend more time wandering around town but I couldn’t see doing that every night.” I sadly replied.

Peter took a deep breath and let it out as he shook his head. He suddenly seemed to come to a conclusion and he nodded.

“Okay… I can’t tell you where or when but…” He paused for a moment as if reconsidering his decision. “I can tell you what and how.” I gazed at Peter anxiously awaiting this wholly major impartment of crucial information. “You need to kiss her. That’s the what. Now let me show you the how.”

Peter stood up and walked out from behind his desk. He held out his hand, palm up, toward me. I took it and stood up. I thought he was going to take me into his arms and…well…kiss me. He did nothing of the sort. What he did is he turned me around so that my back was to him. He then simply placed his hands around my waist and pulled me to his body. I felt only his chest against me. Then he bent his head down and kissed me on the side of my neck.

I was not expecting that and, as a result, a whole lot of things happened almost at once. My eyes closed and I moaned slightly. Then I kind of leaned back into Peter for a moment. At the same time I felt this electricity shoot throughout my body and it caused me to tremble quite noticeably. I was thankful Allie had told me about the pad thingy because I could have sworn I leaked as the electricity seemed to terminate its course through the head of my dick.

“Andi…?” A voice, a very strong and masculine voice, seemed to be calling me from out of the mist. “Andi…? Are you all right?”

As the mist cleared from within my mind I suddenly stood up straight. Peter’s arms were still wrapped gently around me. I began to turn to face him and he held my arm to assist me. Peter’s smile was as bright as ever as I finally faced him.

“Uh huh…” I managed with a smiling but dazed look on my face.

“That’s all there is to it. That’s all you need to do. Then… One of three things will happen.”

I smiled up into his face as Peter spoke. My mind still hadn’t shaken that amazing feeling of his kiss. I was actually hoping for another one. But Peter… Well… Peter is Peter and his good graces prevented anything further from happening.

“She’ll either remember that kiss for some time…which is good…” He hurried to say. “Or… She’ll want to rip off all your clothes and have sex right them and there.”

He stopped speaking and smiled. Peter had to recognize that dazed look upon my face. This was definitely not the first time he’d given a kiss like that to someone. My mind cleared enough to remember there was a third alternative.

“What’s the third thing?” I asked out of my daze as Peter still held both my arms.

“She’ll smack you and try to cut your balls off and you’ll need to transition regardless of how you feel.”

Peter said this with a straight face and a look of horror must have crossed mine.

“No… That won’t happen.” He said with a laugh as he hugged me to him. “I’m simply being a bit envious. The worse thing that could happen is she’ll simply tell you to stop and not do that ever again…in which case you’ll have at least tried and have nothing to regret.”

We smiled at one another and I nodded my head. I understood.

“I must tell you something Peter.” He looked at me and arched his eyebrows. “When you kissed me the last time?” I blushed a new shade of bright red. “I thought about that for the entire weekend.” I giggled.

“Let me tell you a little secret. I’m still thinking about it.” And Peter laughed.

The day went by quickly. I left Peter’s office feeling somewhat better about...well, everything. My mood lifted even higher when I found Allie and Rhona sitting listening to the radio and laughing. Apparently the women of New York City were in a state of revolt against men that had gone way beyond the no sex thing.

I looked into Allie’s eyes and saw tears…but of joy from laughing and Rhona wasn’t far behind her. The entire staff had come and greeted Allie with hugs and words of encouragement and support. I had a feeling that if we were on the street and Allie wore a sign letting the world know ‘Yes… I’m That Allie…’ common strangers would have reacted similarly.

Finally the V.I.P.s from uptown came with whomever and I stood beside Peter as he did his sales thing. I smiled and nodded when appropriate and agreed when turned to. I mean… What else was I to do?

I’m really not a sales person in any way shape or form. That is an art in itself…I think. I can’t even sell my own stuff. I mean seriously…what am I to say? ‘Uhhh… This painting will last twenty percent longer than brand X’s painting’? I mean… Really…?

The meeting ended and, as promised, I was able to leave with Allie in tow. The day was more than lovely; it was brilliant. The sun was out and shining in a cloudless sky. The air was a bit brisk but certainly not out of sorts with the season. Although Allie felt a bit peaked, as I did, we decided to walk for a while. We strolled arm in arm down Greene Street to West fourth, over to Broadway and then downtown.

“I want to thank you.” Allie spoke with a smile. “I feel so much better. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t with me.”

“It was really no big deal.” I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. “You know…? You have a lot of people around you that really do care about you.” Allie nodded. “By the way…what are you doing for New Years Eve?”

“I haven’t really thought about it? I mean… There are parties I could go to but…” Allie took a deep breath. “…at the moment? I really can’t think about it. I think I want to stay home forever now.” She giggled.

“Well…? I was invited to go to Peter’s party. Would you like to come with me?”

I felt nauseous. My body slightly quailed. I couldn’t believe I was really asking Allie...on a real date!

“Are you actually asking me out on a date?” She laughed. “Are you doing this because you think I’m easy?” Allie said with a strong hint of indignation in her voice.

I stopped walking for a moment and turned to face her. I grasped her shoulders firmly and slightly shook her.

“I’m asking you because there’s nobody else I’d rather spend that evening with. Okay…?”

Allie stared at me for a moment and I again took her arm and began to stroll with her. She grasped my arm with her other hand and laid her head on my shoulder for a moment.

“Sure... I would be delighted to go with you. I think it’d be fun. And…” She looked at me again for a moment. “I can’t think of anyone I’d rather spend the evening with either.” She giggled.

“He said it’s going to be formal.”

“He def has the hots for you. You know that. Right…?”

“Yeah… Totally…” I giggled.

“Are you going to tell him I’m coming?”

“I think he already knows.” I giggled again not telling Allie that Peter specifically invited her to come.

Allie looked at me with a shocked expression.

“I bet he thinks he’s checking out the competition.” She laughed. “What are you going to wear?”

“I think there are tuxedoes that are kind of femme in styling? Not that I’d know where to get one.” I sighed.

The image of me in a very stylish formal jacket and trousers was very enticing.

“Leave that to me. I’ll find a few styles and you pick one you think you’d like and we’ll just find out who’s selling it. I bet we could go to Bloomie’s and find one. The big problem is getting it tailored soon enough. We have less than two weeks.”

“What will you wear?”

“Oh… A gown I suppose... What color would you like to see me in?”

“Oh my God! You’d look amazing in any color.” I laughed.

We arrived home to find Jill already making herself at home in the cave. She sat with her feet up and a glass of wine in hand trying to get the television to play.

“I do hate these damned fifty buttoned things!” She said as she slammed the controller down onto the tabletop. “I must say I’m very happy to see you in a good mood.”

Allie threw off her coat and placed her bag on the counter top in the kitchen, as did I. She rushed to Jill and kissed her as she took a seat on the couch. I came into the room, bent to kiss Jill as well, and took a seat next to her in an armchair.

”We’re going to a New Years Eve party at Peter’s!” Allie’s excitement had built since the first mention of the event.

“Oh…? Really… How lovely...” Jill chuckled and turned toward me with a wry smile. “I suppose I should let you two sit together then.”

“Oh Jill…” Allie rolled her eyes.

“I get to wear a tuxedo.” I said quite proudly.

“Yes…” Jill said, as her crooked smile grew larger. “I’m sure Peter will find that most attractive.”

“Jill…!” I turned up the corner of her mouth in displeasure. I was learning from Allie.

“Oh Jill… What am I going to do?” Allie was in distress again. “I can’t just stop going to work. How am I ever going to show my face again?”

“Whatever are you speaking about?” Jill chuckled. “You’re practically a legend. The first thing that happened to…whatever is his name?” Jill looked toward Allie.

“John...” She said dully.

“Yes…” Jill said wryly. “Aren’t they all?” She chuckled. “Anyway… The girls, one by one, walked by and just happened to spill they’re coffees upon him and his desk. And that was for starters.”

“What…?” Allie stared at Jill with a startled expression. “You’re kidding!”

“Not only that…” Jill’s face took on a conspiratorial expression as she leaned closer to Allie. “Around eleven thirty, after the ladies had their say, and his betting partners all fled to the safety of the streets, security came by and escorted him upstairs where he was promptly fired.”

“What…?” Allie was shocked.

“He just happened to mention the company’s name and it didn’t take long for several clients to call and hold forth their opinions. Plus which… That also happened to be a ‘gross breach’ of his employment agreement. Anyway…” Jill spoke under her voice. “I started there along with Jack Emory so I called him first thing.”

“Oh my God…! The CEO…?”

“John was lucky to leave the building alive. Every woman knew about what had occurred and believe me you’ll receive a rather cordial welcome tomorrow. You are coming in tomorrow I trust.”

“Oh course… I guess.” Allie squeaked as a tear fell.

I could see the hesitancy on her face as well as hear it in her voice. Regardless of what Jill and I could possibly say, Allie would naturally find going to work and facing all the people who had heard about her very sad denigration.
Jill stayed for dinner…of course. She was more than a welcomed guest and provided the kind of report of the ‘belated’ John Simms that brought courage and strength to Allie. Jill, in spite of her cynicism and sarcasm, always had a good word for Allie; always building her up privately and in front of others. She also seemed to know exactly the look Allie would need for Peter’s party.

Evidently, Peter, much like Allie, comes from a very old line New York family and works to simply have something constructive to do with his life. Jill assured us that indeed there would be a very art oriented group and that this would be an excellent opportunity for me to meet people.

She mentioned that this was also the type of group that could easily foot the bill for a portrait or some other type of commissioned work. And Peter, as well as his guests, always treated the evening as if it was a ‘season event’. Many of the gowns would be one of a kind designer pieces.

“Peter’s ‘intimate’ gatherings are the stuff legends emerge from.” Jill cackled. “He always seems to invite the right people for an interesting and entertaining event. I have had the privilege of attending two of his parties. They are always memorable.”

“You speak as though you’ve been.” Allie said.

“Ah my child…” Jill smiled lovingly at Allie. “There’s much you don’t know and so much you will learn. Anyway…” She chuckled. “That crowd is way to rich for my blood. I need to double up on my statins simply thinking about them.”

We had a very pleasant evening. We ate in and simply. Jill kept Allie’s mind off of the day’s events, which I certainly appreciated. Jill brought an overnight bag anticipating the worst and Allie certainly didn’t discourage her from spending the night. The two of them would go into the office together which certainly made me feel better.

Whilst Allie and I attended the cleanup, Jill wandered into the studios; first Allie’s and then my studio and bedroom. We were nearly finished and I was putting coffee on the counter top along with mugs and a modest dessert when Jill returned.

“You really have no idea of just how good you are, do you?” Jill looked at me with her most serious expression.

“I don’t know how to answer that. I mean… I just never think about it. You know?”

That really was the truth. I mean… What is good anyway? I simply do what I do as best I can? If people like it…well…that’s fine. All it really means is that I can earn a decent living doing something that I love. Jill just kind of stared at me and nodded. I knew she really wouldn’t understand though I did appreciate the compliment.

Amidst the activities of the day Allie still managed to find a decent collection of ladies tuxedo formal wear at Bloomie’s although that was nearly a no brainer. We agreed to meet there after work. Our first stop was the shoes department. I really had nothing that would work. I needed black and very shiny; patent leather perhaps?

As luck would have it I found the exact pair of kitten heel pumps I needed! Of course it was Ferragamo with a price to match! But the shoe was a simple, but elegant, gloss black pump with a black velvet bow across the upper. I felt so fortunate not to have to contend with a stiletto heel. Allie thought the shoe was quite stylish though she did encourage me to get a taller heel. Not a very high one but one of…oh say…two and a half inches? Veritable stilts to my eyes…

Anyway, we were soon off to the ladies formal wear department to search for the perfect tuxedo jacket. On the way Allie went on and on about the wonderfully warm reception she received from everybody at the office; especially the women. Evidently our Mister Simms had used and abused more than a few of his co-workers and they were quite happy to see him get his very just rewards.

So… You would think that there would be something of a collection of jackets. Well…? Think again. There were three. And one was in white so that didn’t even count. The second…? Well it was kind of in the style? But… Thankfully the third jacket was simply perfect. It was elegant and not pretentious. Of course it had to be Rachel Zoe and of course it had to be a small fortune. Faaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhk!!!

I tried it on and the fit was nearly perfect. The color was gunmetal with black piping along the pocket tops, not really traditional but the cut more than made up for any…impetuousness? Jackets tend to have a bit more shoulder than I desire but this jacket had almost no padding. I strolled to the three-way full-length mirror and carefully inspected every little inch and detail. I turned slowly and then once again with a bit more speed.

I then fastened the single button and repeated the exercise. This was it! I loved the way it clung rather than hung and I liked the fact that the material was light enough to move with some grace and flow. I felt tears well up as I thought about how far I’d come in a little over four years. I wore third hand clothes my last year of upper school. Now I stood wearing a brand new, albeit women’s, tuxedo jacket and attending the party of my life!

I looked at Allie with arched brows. She smiled and nodded approvingly. Allie got up and walked over to me and tugged a bit here and straightened a bit there. She aligned the shoulders and smoothed the fabric out a bit along the back. The single back vent was perfect. Everything about it was perfect except for the sleeve length. That was a bit too short.

Finding trousers to match the jacket was a whole different matter entirely. The selection was very limited. In truth, most of their collection was based upon the idea of a woman’s tuxedo jacket and skirt rather than upon the empiric notion of the suit. Therefore there were gown length dresses whose upper potion resembled the jacket and the skirt portion fell from the waist and swept at the hem.

However, I managed to find something that would need to make do. The trouser started at the waist in a traditional manner but from the calf down flared out to nearly a six-inch diameter cuff. I really didn’t care for the wide sweep of the cuff but it would have to do. The cuff fell to about an inch from the floor so that most of the shoe would be obscured. The only other alternative was a trouser that flared for a bootie, or a boot and was therefore too short ending at the ankle.

The piece I chose with the sweeping cuffs did have the traditional satin striping down the leg and did fit closely to my butt and thigh. I tried the trousers on with the jacket and my new shoes for a full viewing. It worked. I could have been happier with the over all styling but Allie thought it to be perfect. I bowed to her fashion sense. Of course the blouse would either make or break the entire effect but I had some time to find something appropriate to the overall look and hopefully to appease my sense of the bizarre.

The trouser fit was a bit snug in the waist but not totally undoable. The question of tailoring did come up but I was assured that the suit would be ready by the twenty-ninth and how would I like to pay for it? Now I must tell you that spending around fifteen hundred dollars for a suit and shoes was…well…very extravagant.

I mean less than a year ago that represented an entire year or more of clothing including panties, stockings and shoes. Granted I was making a more than decent salary and the sale of the art work was an enormous boost to my financial position. But still… And Allie was no help…of course.

“Oh honey…” She waved her hand at me. “You butch types get away so cheaply. Just wait until you see the damage I do.” She giggled.

Allie’s eyes were all aglow as we headed toward the gowns. Now I could plainly understand why Allie was so insistent upon me finding an outfit first. She had no idea at all what she was looking for. I was very interested in her process for choosing a gown so I stayed very close and asked questions. She went along the racks and simply pushed one gown after another aside.

“Well…” Allie spoke and gave out an exasperated breath. “Either the color will strike me or the design. Then I only have to hope the both will occur in a single dress…and that something will fit.”

“And how often does that happen?”

“Not as of yet! I mean I could go and have something custom sewn but we just don’t have the time.”

“Custom sewn…?” I looked around at the racks of gowns and formal dresses; an unending assortment of colors and styles. “Why?”

Allie looked up at me as though I was more than slightly mentally impaired.

“Why…? WHY…! Because all the men will be wearing black…or gunmetal?” She giggled. “But the women will be wearing all shades of gowns and many of them will be one of a kind designer pieces. God forbid I show up in the same gown as anybody else. I have to be unique. We all do. Otherwise what’s the point?”

I’m sure there was a pure scientific logic in what Allie was saying even if I didn’t get the point. Or perhaps I got it in a different manner. She needed to feel unique…special. I thought I only needed to feel different; in want of my own identity…my own image? Allie was dressing for everyone else and I was dressing only for myself although I must admit I did want to look nice as Allie’s escort.

Walking down the rows and amidst the racks of eye catching colorful gowns, I was reminded of my own palette of pastels and inks and oils. Some of the colors stood out with their almost polished shine and others with their beaded adornments and yet others with their cornucopia of differently printed colorful fabrics.

Then there were the various styles; a-line, princess waist, no waist, sleeveless, scalloped collar, and so on. Each one represented an ideal in the designer’s mind. It was almost like this was their painting to the world; to be seen once or maybe twice and then inventoried in some remote closet in an attic or basement or storage unit. The gown’s life would be extended once more as it is brought into view, and maybe even tried on, before making room for another memory piece.

Allie is a very tactile person. She loves to touch things as a true means of sensory input. I think in part that it was the ceramic artist in her? Different clays have different feels. That may sound very…banal? But she went as far as bringing a garment to her face and putting her cheek to it.

I suppose that it did make some sense in that certain portions of her anatomy would be exposed to the fabric regardless of what under garments she might choose to adorn herself with. Allie must have touched fifteen or twenty gowns before wandering over to the designers’ section.

I must say that in spite of my great love of color and asymmetry, I wondered about the qualities of some of the garments that were supposed to…enchant? Of course one must realize that this form of art required a living canvas. But still… Really…? ‘Cold shoulder’…?

Anyway, whilst I was gazing at this cornucopia of visceral expression, Allie seemed to have disappeared. She totally vanished amidst the silks and blends and sheer drapings…or should I say drippings…of lace.

“Here… Try this on.”

“Ahhh…!” I must have jumped three feet up.

Allie materialized from behind me, a gown draped over each arm. Now I must tell you that I have tried on skirts and dresses if for no other reasons than curiosity and effect. But I decided that the image in my mind, of myself, was sans those two particular styles of clothing.

“Uhhh… It’s really not me?”

“Listen… I’m doing this so that we both have something to do on New Years instead of sitting at home by ourselves watching some stupid thing on the stupid tube. Now the least you can do for me…” She pointed to herself with BOTH hands and a very determined look upon her face. “…is to humor YOUR very dear friend and put this gown on. I want to see how you look in it. You don’t have to leave the dressing room if you don’t want to.”

Our eyes were locked in some kind of mortal combat. I frowned…sneered…and then whipped the dress from her arm…delicately. I accompanied Allie to the changing room trying to ignore the smug grin on her face by looking at what she had chosen for me.

The dress was nearly the same color as my eyes; kind of a powder grey pastel shade with perhaps a touch of more blue. As I held it up by the shoulder straps, actually bands of gathered silk, I noticed that it did have a very interesting design. A cord of silk crossed the piece just above the beast to gather the fabric in two sections that were to become the shoulder straps of the dress. It had kind of an oriental flair to it…perhaps…Tibetan?

The back also had the cord to gather the shoulders again as they draped down to about the waist. There was a double snap arrangement to secure the right shoulder after the garment was put on. I would definitely need assistance with it. It was definitely meant to be worn braless. As I doffed my clothing in the changing room, I guessed that the gown could be stepped into and then the back snapped once one’s arms were passed through.

I must say that the dress felt lovely on my bare skin although I did keep my bra on. My breast forms were not secured today. But then again I hadn’t counted on trying on thirty seven hundred dollar designer gowns. The piece fell to the tops of my feet and the sweep was not all that wide. The skirt from the waist down was a lovely tulip shape.

I gazed at myself in the changing room’s mirror. The silk was very sheer but because it was gathered at strategic points a degree of modesty could still be claimed. I hated to admit it but… I mean d-damn… I think I liked it!

“Allie? How are you doing?”

“Okay. I think I need help.” I couldn’t hook the back.

Allie came in with a huge grin on her face. She had a gown by the same designer and it looked amazing on her. She had such an amazing figure…her curves so pronounced…that the fabric of this particular gown draped her perfectly.

Her gown was a halter neck only the fabric was gathered and then loosely woven into the halter, which simply slipped over one’s head. It was a bit more form fitting but I imaged that goes with her size.

Allie fastened the back for me and then stepped back to look. She smiled at what she saw.

“Come on out sweet heart. We need to see how the dress moves on you as you walk.”

Allie took my hand and half pulled me through the doorway into the lobby area where the fitting was done. I looked at myself in the three view mirrors. I watched as I turned from side to side. The fabric was so light and sheer that it flowed perfectly. I did notice that I couldn’t take as large a step as I was accustomed to. But by moving slower, I got to watch the dress move with me in an easy and flowing manner as it was meant to.

I watched Allie move in her gown. It was so very organic…her movements and the gown’s. It was as though that piece was designed just for her. It was almost like a second skin without being overly snug. It was like a magical veil covering a most remarkable treasure.

“You know something Allie?”

I gazed at her, the woven halter neck, and her lips. She stared at me with a huge smile on her face. I could tell we were done searching for her gown.

“I think I can color match your lipstick to the gown.”

“Well I was thinking maybe a pale pink?”

“Think bold baby doll. It’s a beautiful piece and the color is amazing for you so why not emphasize it even more? I mean with a matching color on your lips you’ll be totally stunning.”

I could tell she was thinking about it.

“So you like it?” She asked with arched eyebrows.

“I love it. You are totally stunning in it and I do think it fits wonderfully. It is a bit long but with heels it should be perfect.”

“Yeah. But now I’ve got to find shoes that match.” She made a sour face.

“You could go with gold you know. With a matching clutch…?”

“Well…what about yours? You look amazing in yours. I mean you could walk it on a runway or something. You have the perfect figure for that dress.”

I could tell she was very excited about the way I looked.

“Yeah…but where would I wear it? I mean I really need some boobage; real boobage. I am wearing a bra with this in case you haven’t noticed. And I should be braless but then there’s the threat of side boob, you know?” And I hadn’t even gotten to the price tag!

Allie began to work a bit with the shoulders and the cord and she managed to tighten the arm holes just enough to probably prevent that old side boob malfunction. She was trying to steal my excuses. But I still had no idea of where I would wear such a thing.

“Listen sweet heart… The season’s barely started. I promise you that something will definitely come up where you can be seen in this dress and it will be totally amazing. I promise you. Anyway, that ‘Ellen’ thing of yours will only go so far. I mean if you wore this to Peter’s party…? Oh my God… He would die from exploding chubbyitis!” Allie chuckled, her eyes wide with delight.

“Allie… This is thirty seven hundred dollars! I… I… Oh my God…! I shouldn’t even be thinking of this!”

“I could help you with it?” She was pleading now.

“That’s not the point Allie.”

I turned back toward the mirror and moved around in it again whilst I watched myself. I took a deep breath and let it out.

“I must be out of my faaahhhkn mind.” I muttered under my breath.

“Oh my God…! You’re going to do it! Oh my God…!”

Allie grabbed my hands and began to hop up and down without her feet leaving the floor. She was so excited and happy that I had just gone completely insane.

We had the tailor serving us in no time at all once our sales woman saw us celebrating our soon to be new purchases. The entire time he was working with us I kept thinking of how much we had spent in merely two or three hours. It was more than I had spent on clothes AND food in four years at college. This was something I hoped I never became accustomed to doing.

But even more earth shaking was that I even considered a…a dress? I mean this was something I never ever expected to be seen in. I couldn’t help myself though. I thought I looked so…I don’t know…slinky? Allie was totally at home and comfortable in dresses. She was so girly? But I never felt comfortable or thought I looked good in one.

Maybe it was the fact that I was putting on some weight. The ‘mones were definitely having that effect, among other effects. My legs weren’t anything to look at but lately they seemed to be taking on shape. My butt for sure was becoming rounded and I actually had a wee bit of a curve to my hips. Perhaps seeing myself in this gown and noticing my ‘new’ curves captivated me?

I only wished something would happen in the boob department but all that seemed to be occurring is an incredible itching sensation in my nipples. Anyway, the tailor promised to take in the sides enough to avoid a fashion fail of miniscule proportions…or…side boobage…NOT!

The tree stood three feet tall and Allie had accumulated about two-dozen ornaments, some of which she made. We spent an evening playing with the tree, setting it up and placing the ornaments upon its branches. Personally I don’t see it as a religious symbol as much as an indication of the time of year.

Allie however saw the tree as more of a religious symbol and she had this intense in scale manger set complete with three kings and animals and all. Evidently it was made of ivory and very old; a remnant of someone else’s childhood years before Allie’s. The carvings were quite meticulous and she took great care in placing each piece carefully into a small glob of gum just beneath one of the branches.

My personal contribution to the tree was in the form of several sets of ‘grain of wheat’ light bulbs in colors and the transformer to power them. She was so delighted that she actually cried when I finally finished and turned on the power. We sat down in front of the tree with an arm around each other. Allie rested her head against my shoulder for a while and then kissed my cheek.

Christmas Eve was rapidly approaching and the office was abuzz with talk of the year-end bonuses. I rarely got caught up in these discussions because…well…unless I was going gown shopping with Allie anytime soon, I really didn’t think that much about money. I was making way more than I needed and that was good enough. Anyway, I had already received one bonus this year.

However Peter did ask me out for dinner. He was wining and dining a potential new client who was bringing a female companion and felt he needed a ‘companion’ that would fit into the spirit of things? This was a very unusual request for, and from Peter in that the account execs usually did the wining and dining but these folks wanted to meet the ‘creative’ team that would be devising a new logo for them.

“He seriously wants to fuck you.” Allie laughed.

We had gone out just to get a little air and take in the evening street scene on a week day night. We sat at the front window sipping our coffee and splitting a huge chocolate brownie with chocolate ice cream and…you might have guessed it…chocolate syrup. We passed on the whipped cream…way too many calories.

I honestly wished I could say Allie was wrong. But I couldn’t. And…what was worse was that I kind of felt flattered. I mean Peter Grant was hot…red-hot! I knew I felt this attraction to him and I was nearly ready to say: ‘Peter…ready or not…here I am!’

But then there was Allie; dear, sweet Allie. Peter would have little trouble with me. He would simply grab me and kiss me and it would be all over. At least I felt that way at times. Like when I thought about that kiss on my neck and how it made me feel. I had my doubts that Allie would react the same way. I was not the type to simply do something like that. Allie reacted that way with men and though I was a man…or sorts…I wasn’t that type of man.

“Oh Andi…? Where are you Andi?”

I looked up at Allie.

“I think they should have fixed my nose.”

I had no idea why I said that other than it suddenly popped into my head.

“Avoidance…! Denial…!” Allie faked shouting cupping her hands around her mouth. “You know he likes you and you like him.”

“Yeah… But there’s a big difference between liking someone and wanting to hop into bed with them.”
The very second those words left my mouth I regretted them and I could see from the look on Allie’s face that she took it personally. I reached out and touched her hand.

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

I was pained that I caused her to think I meant her and the way she kind of acted with men.

“No… You’re right. I’m just a fool sometimes.” She couldn’t look at me.

“No… You don’t understand. There’s someone else I’m interested in.”

Allie suddenly looked up at me and smiled.

“What…?” She said gleefully.

“Yeah… And it’s a woman.”

Now I couldn’t look at her. But I did smile.

“What…? Oh my God…!” Allie’s face lit up and she grinned like a child opening a gift.

“Yeah…” My eyebrows arched and I nodded.

“Oh my God…!”

“Yeah…” I pulled a bit of dessert onto my spoon and looked at it before licking at it.

“Is it someone I know?”

I was afraid Allie would ask that. I shook my head. Okay… So that might have been deceitful but I definitely wasn’t ready to admit how I felt about her.

“What is she like?”

“Oh my God!!! She’s so totally amazing…the most amazing ever!” I giggled.

“Oh my God Andi…! That is so romantic.” Allie sighed and leaned toward me taking my hand.

“Yeah…” I sighed. “I really don’t know what to do. I mean… It’s not even like two men or two women.” Allie gazed at me with eyes wide opened. “I mean I am incredibly attracted to Peter. He’s so…I don’t know…attractive! I get all tingly around him and he knows it.”

“Well…what about her?”

Yeah… What about her…?

“I don’t feel the same way around her. I mean I’m attracted to her? But it’s different. It’s more of a sensual thingy? I think that we also think alike in lots of ways? We really seem to get along so amazingly.”

“When do you get to see her? I mean we do spend a lot of time together.”

“Sometimes you really don’t need to spend a lot of time with someone? You know?”

I really hoped she’d go for that.

“Yeah…”

Allie sighed and nodded her head. Cool… So I’m not the only clueless one.

“What are you going to do?”

“I really don’t know.”

There was no way to hide the sadness and confusion in my voice.

“I mean… Suppose it was you?” Allie looked at me…seriously. “Suppose some guy liked you a lot. But he also liked this guy? And he hasn’t slept with you or this guy. What would you tell him?”

Allie gazed intently at me the entire time I asked her the question. I think she was gauging whether I was serious or not. But how could I not be? I mean who asks a question like that for fun? She looked back down at the dessert and scooped another spoonful. It was all kind of gooey at this point which was just the way we liked it.

“Well…? I don’t know.” Allie licked at her spoonful. “I would want to be the one…you know? Like…THE one... But, for sure…” She giggled. “I would want him to be absolutely sure? I know that if it was me…I would want to be sure. I think I would want that person to be very sure of whichever one he chose. I mean what happens after…you know?” She giggled again. “What happens after is what’s important. If they can snuggle well and make you feel good about yourself…and they make you feel important…then it’s a go, you know? Especially if everything else is good.”

I understood what Allie was saying but that still didn’t make anything easier. I wasn’t sure that I could sleep with either one just to ‘test’ them out. In spite of what Jill may have thought about Peter, I couldn’t help feel that I would be using him, and Allie. Having been there myself, it just wasn’t me. Perhaps if I had a better sense of my own sexuality I would have thought a little bit differently.

“By the way…” Allie looked at me with a sly expression. “I have a really big favor to ask.”

“Sure…anything.” ‘Well… Almost anyway…’ I thought.

“Could you come with me on Christmas day…you know…to my parents?”

Now her expression turned to hopeful? I was silent for a moment. I knew that she had a difficult relationship with them. Did I want to referee? Did I want to kind of play wingman if things went poorly?

“Ummm… Okay...” I smiled.

How could I refuse? I mean… She is my friend if nothing else and I certainly wanted to be there if they began to gang up on her.

“Oh you are the best! I’m going to rent a car so maybe we’ll do something along the way or on the way back.”

I can’t say that I’ve seen Allie that excited very often. No doubt I said the right thing. We strolled back slowly to the apartment, my arm around her waist and hers around mine. The night air was quite refreshing. We could almost see our breath as we walked quietly, my mind still thinking about my dilemma. I suddenly had an impulsive thought.

“I think I want to get a navel piercing.”

“What…?”

Allie stopped and took a step away to gaze at me. Her eyes were wide and mouth agape with surprise.

“Yeah. A navel piercing… I think they’re so cool.” I stepped up to her, took her by the waist again, and began to walk.

“Hmmm… Maybe I should get one also. What do you think?”

“That…would be totally hot!” OMG…! That definitely would be totally hot.

“I’m thinking of maybe getting a Brazilian. Want to get one too?” Allie giggled.

“Ummm…” WTF?

What’s a Brazilian? Well…if Allie’s getting one, why not me? Maybe I’ll get two.

“Okay… Sure…”

Jill is a very tough woman for sure and anyone who has dealings with her, particularly business dealings, had better keep that in mind at all times. It’s not that she’s mean or nasty or anything like that at all. It’s simply that she’s way smart and completely attuned to whatever it is she’s doing.

Once in a while, Jill lets herself go and becomes a kid again, and Christmas Eve is just one of those occasions. It’s not so much a religious thing because she is agnostic. It’s more of the general spirit of the holidays where one can wonder and gawk and…just do childish things like play with toys and such.

Now I play with toys every day. I have my crayons and pens and various devices that in earlier years represented the only real childhood I had. Allie gets to play in her mud. But Jill really has nothing to play with. As the chief stylist and art director of a major food magazine, she really has no time. And even in her spare time she’s too busy keeping up with the competition by checking out their spreads in magazines.

We arrived at Jill’s apartment baring gifts. Allie made a lovely low walled, pedestalled bowl similar to the first one I painted. She embossed the side just at the rim with Chinese block characters and glazed it with a pale antique looking green. The characters where filled with a light brown glaze to make them look aged. It was a wonderfully imaginative piece for Allie to attempt.

I did a portrait in pastels. I wanted to show some of the less noted wonderful qualities of Jill so I gave her a soft and thoughtful appearance. I used three different pastel mediums; oil, soft and pencil. We matted the portrait in a soft green to contrast her warm colored walls. Allie thought it was a terrific piece.

We also bought her a set of fine pastel pencils and a good drawing pad. Jill had attended an art school and began her career as an artist. But others with better skills came along and rather than be in the midst of the pack, Jill began to exert herself as an administrator and director. I noticed that she did have a tendency to doodle and thought that this might give her the little push she needed to perhaps try her hand again.

Jill became quite emotional upon receiving her gifts. She was in tears, a first for me to see. She couldn’t hug or thank us enough. For some reason Jill seemed to dote upon me more than Allie. This was another first for me. Every time I wanted to help with something she would refuse and she would let Allie do it…whatever ‘it’ was…in my stead.

The table was positively gorgeous. The sparkling of crystal and the shining of silver in the dim light set an intimate and special tone to the evening. I just knew everything put out was special. This might very well be the only time of the year these things even got used. Silver linen rings and full silver service and three different glasses were only the beginning.

Jill’s six foot tall real tree was picture perfect. She had hosted a small tree trimming party for the interns under her supervision. And with an artist’s eye and a surgeon’s precision, each ornament was precisely placed. Many were antiques and some were of blown glass but all were exquisite. The entire ambience was…sacred? And yet it was otherwise devoid of religious symbolism.

The dinner was buffet style with a side table holding all the wonderful treats. Before we started, and after Jill composed herself from the emotional impact of our gifts, she had us hold hands and recited a poem of thanksgiving. In essence we were her family.

The side table top was completely covered with platters of various treats; smoked duck, smoked trout, salmon, cheeses, caviars, breads, sauces for each meat and fish, and candied vegetables among the odd other thing. It was a feast for sure and I’d never seen such an assortment of specialized foods before…not ever. A ‘good’ holiday meal for me was being left alone and that was just fine compared to the company of my mother and one of her ‘friends’.

We ate and drank really fine wine and had really killer desserts with delicious coffee till we could barely move from the table into Jill’s living room. There we sat and talked endlessly about everything and anything and nothing consequential at all. We spoke with stocking feet up on the antique low set center table with the ease and comfort that tends to envelope dear friends.

Over the course of the evening, when Allie left us to relieve herself, Jill gazed at me suddenly with that shrewd and appraising look of hers.

“You know…” She said with a smile. “…you must be the strangest person I’ve ever met. And let me tell you…” Jill hurried to add with a wagging finger. “I’ve met more than my share. But… I must say… You have been wonderful for Allie. And to her I might add.”
I smiled demurely and blushed pepper red enough to feel my own heat. “So…” Jill sat back stared at me intensely with narrowed eyes. “What are you waiting for? Another bum to come along and fuck up her life again?”

Jill wanted me to make my play at Allie? She was, in essence, giving her approval? But it’s more complicated than she thinks.

“It’s kind of complicated.”

I hesitated in saying that but what else could I say? It’s not like I was immediately prepared for this.

“Nonsense!” Jill laughed. “It’s really quite simple. I understand there’s another that you are attracted to.”

Oh my God! Allie told her about our conversation? I felt myself turn a new color of red…deep, deep red!

“Allie mentioned the conversation the two of you had. Of course she’s clueless and doesn’t realize that she’s the…’other woman’.” Jill laughed. “That girl is such a child in some ways.” She spoke almost under her breath.

I felt I had to let it loose…to tell Jill what I felt…how I felt.

“Allie thought I should…”

“Oh… Allie thought… Allie thought…” Jill sounded annoyed. “Allie is a good soul…the absolute sweetest…but she really knows nothing. Allie lacks center and you give her that. You give her life some focus. And you…” Jill emphasized ‘you’ with breathiness and a pointed finger. “You have enough passion for one hundred people but no direction. Allie gives you direction. You’re best works are the paintings of her. End of story…”

“But what if it doesn’t work?”

“Then it doesn’t work. That’s all... It happens every day. And don’t worry about Peter. He’ll always be there. Peter is too self-centered to meet anyone else on a serious basis. Don’t get me wrong…” Jill rushed to say. “Peter is a sweet and lovely man and he won’t intentional hurt you…or anybody else. But he doesn’t always act on his intentions. You’re a fascination to him because you have the one thing he has never had; artistic talent. He has the eye, but not nearly enough of the passion.”

“Miss me…?”

Allie returned and took a seat on the couch next to me…as usual. She had, among other things, refreshed her face and looked positively amazing.

“Yes… Of course...” Jill chuckled. “So we spoke about you endlessly.”

Our evening ended just before one in the morning. Jill handed us each a card with an enclosed gift as well as a bag containing some of her chosen goodies from dinner. We took about ten minutes to say our thank you and good night and then we were out the door, down the elevator, and out on East Fifty Sixth Street. The air was fresh and crisp and much to our surprise and delight, snow began to fall lightly kind of making the evening complete.

We decided to walk up to Fifty Seventh Street and then head west. Others evidently had the same idea. There were couples everywhere just strolling and enjoying the evening. Allie and I walked with an arm around the other’s waist. Every once in a while I would rest my head upon her shoulder and she would do the same to me.

“You know…? We should get one of those big down coats that two people can wear at once.” Allie laughed. “I mean we seem to be out most with each other and that would be so totally cool.”

I stopped and hugged her. I rested my head upon her and really just savored that full body touch rush.

“Merry Christmas Allie.”

“Merry Christmas Andi.”

We separated only enough for a kiss on the lips. It only lasted a moment or two but…well…it was somewhat heated. We hugged again and decided to catch a cab downtown although we both would have liked to walk more. Allie was a bit tired and we had a very long day ahead of us tomorrow.

During the cab ride Allie decided to open her card. It was a lovely and very personal seasonal card. But also enclosed was a gift card to a very exclusive spa for an entire day. Allie was particularly excited because not only did we get the old ‘standards’, as she put it, but it included a Brazilian! I still had no idea because I had forgotten all about that and didn’t research what a Brazilian even was.

“I wonder how she guessed.” I giggled.

I slept in that morning. It simply felt so good to be in bed whilst outside the freeze was on. Apparently the snow continued through the night and, although it was no blizzard, everything was coated with a lovely white cover. Because most of the world was either abed or busy opening presents, the covering still had a pristine look.

I could smell the savory aroma of coffee so I knew that Allie was awake and about. No doubt she was readying, or steeling, herself for the ordeal of lunch with mommy and daddy…and who knows whom else. I got out of bed, threw on my robe, and went to collect a cup of the nectar of the Gods…caffeinated thank you.

As I showered, I realized that I hadn’t given a whole lot of thought on what I would wear. From what I gathered from Allie, they were sort of formal? I mean a jacket and tie at a family lunch seemed a bit much. But when in Rome…do as Vandals did? I would wear a navy blue blazer, beige trousers and a lovely ivory colored ruffled collar blouse. A cordovan colored, brass buckled belt and my tasseled penny loafers should be a preppy enough look for this crowd.

I wrapped a towel around myself tucking the end in beneath my arm and walked out of the bathroom to my closet. I looked at my wardrobe and suddenly thought that maybe…just maybe Allie was right. I needed to consider maybe wearing skirts and maybe even…on some rare occasions…a dress? I certainly would have a far greater selection of mix and match outfits if I did.

I pulled the things I was going to wear and hung them on my door hook. After one last look I walked back to the bathroom to do my hair and face. I decided to go for the ‘nude’ look. A touch of blush, a swipe, or two, or mascara, a light brown eye liner, and pale pink lipstick in a berry shade would to it. Just a hint of color on this snowy Christmas morning would be enough with all the glaring light.

After blow drying my hair and slipping on my panty beneath my towel I stood facing the mirror. Whilst closely inspecting my face, and the wretched nose I so detested in spite of Allie’s claim that it was simply character defining…whatever that meant…I loosen the towel and let it drop to my feet. That’s when I noticed it…them!

“ALLIE… ALLIE… COME QUICKLY…!” I shouted for her because I didn’t believe what I was seeing.

“Andi…? What’s wrong? Are you alright?” She entered my bathroom with a very concerned look on her face. Allie hadn’t even bothered to throw on a robe and was in her panty and bra.

“Come and check this out.” I turned back toward the mirror. “I think I have mini boobage! Finally…!”

“What?” Allie sounded a bit annoyed. She looked in the mirror and I guess she saw much less than I did. “You scared the hell out of me you know.”

“I’m really sorry. But look!”

I really didn’t mean to scare her but my excitement got the better of me. Allie walked up to stand alongside of me. She took me by the shoulders and turned me to face her. She looked carefully at my chest and started to reach out to touch me. I kind of pulled back a little.

“What’s the matter baby?”

“I’ve been really achy there for a while.”

“I’ll be very gentle. I promise. But I do need to check this out. I think I really do see a little development?”

She giggled as she slowly touched the surface of my chest and began to gently circle the area around my nipple. She gently pressed down and circled first one side and then the other. As she did so her eyes began to widen as did her smile.

“Oh my God…! You’re getting boobs!” She giggled. Allie’s touch actually felt good. “Are you still jerking off every day in the shower?”

“Allie…!” How’d she know? I never made and announcement. “That’s personal.”

“Listen sweetie… I need to know. We need to know that you’re not taking too great a dosage of hormones, you know?”

I looked at her trying to decide whether she was serious or not.

“Yes…” I felt so embarrassed with the admission of emission.

“Morning and night?”

“Yes…!” I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath.

“Do you think of him…or of her?” Allie’s expression was so very serious I thought this was something…important?

“Well… It kind of depends who’s on my mind.”

“Oh my God…! I knew it! I just knew it!” She began to laugh. “You do it in the shower! I guess I’ll need to wear floppies if I have to go in there.” Allie continued to laugh as I turned yet another new shade of garnet red.

“That wasn’t fair Allie.”

“Okay… If you must know…I do it in bed and in the shower.” Allie’s eyes slowly started to roll in thought. “In the cave, at my desk, in the ladies room…”

“Okay… Okay… I get the picture.”

Now I was somewhat pissed off though I wasn’t sure why. Maybe I was envious of her sexuality and her ability to express it so…so freely?

“I guess I should wash my hand if I touch yours.” I said with just a wee hint of sarcasm. “…or sniff it.” I had to snicker.

“Okay…want to feel something really cool?” Allie smiled quite sincerely.

I was so naïve and clueless…as usual.

“Sure.” I smiled innocently.

“Okay… But I need to warn you that it’s going to tickle…only for a minute though.”

Allie grasped my upper arms and looked so innocently into my eyes. How could I refuse her? I nodded my head. Suddenly she attached her mouth to my nipple and wet it thoroughly with her tongue. As quickly as she did it, she removed her mouth and blew her breath directly upon it. Then she giggled crazily and ran from the bathroom.

“Oh my God…!” I cried out.

I couldn’t have chased her anyway. I was way busy feeling my body tremble with the electricity she sent through it. The cool air drying on my nipple felt absolutely amazing! I actually saw it enlarge a bit and after the electricity dissipated my nipple began to itch like crazy. I began to rub it with the palm of my hand as my other nipple began to itch in sympathy with its…twin sister? I also noticed that I had become semi-erect!

“I’ll get you for this Morris!”

I called her by her last name whenever I had an issue with Allie. That happened rarely and usually because she did something to tease me.

I finished doing my makeup between trying to sooth the itching and went into my bedroom to begin dressing. I had chosen the powder blue matching bra to the panty I wore and inserted my breast forms. The coolness to the silicone actually felt soothing against my itchy and achy chest.

I put on a pair of sheer nude thigh highs and turned to gaze at the main event again. After thinking about the combination of the blazer, the trousers and the blouse, I decided that perhaps this look was a bit too butch; especially since Allie no doubt would be in a skirt or dress…as usual.

I was suddenly struck with the idea of perhaps wearing a pastel pink cashmere wool turtle neck sweater I had purchased. Whilst I’m not necessarily a ‘pink’ kind of person, I have to admit that pink does have its place in almost everyone’s wardrobe. I retrieved it from my sweater shelf and held it to my neck. That cashmere wool was so incredibly soft. Beneath the sweater I chose a silk pink camisole I had actually purchased on sale for wearing next spring and summer.

I was having a second cup of coffee with toast when Allie finally made her appearance. She looked…amazing…as usual. She wore wonderfully colorful print dress of tiny Christmas symbols on an apple green field. It was a pull over with an elasticized fitted waist that was snug enough to show her curves but not so snug as to be…well…overly enticing?

Allie’s heels were a shade or two off the apple green but not enough to be noticed by most. She did wear white tights in deference to the weather. Her makeup style was similar to mine only she chose a bright scarlet lipstick which did pick up on the coloration of some of the symbols on her dress. Her lovely golden curls framed her face like a neatly arrange halo.

We grabbed our purses and coats. Allie wore her full length down coat and I had my camel color wool wrap coat that feel to just below my knees. The car was parked in the alley behind the building so we exited through the back door which I had never used before. We got into the little Honda Allie had rented and we were quickly navigating our way toward the East Side Drive heading uptown.

The ride to Bronxville was actually beautiful. The sun shone brightly and the sky was a lovely light shade of…well…sky blue. All the clouds were gone. Allie talked incessantly the entire way. Now I was quite accustomed to her talking about everything and anything and I was a particularly good listener. I usually found Allie’s voice to often be almost like music and I was able to get past the words and learn much more from her intonations and inflections.

But this was something different. Allie was nervous…very nervous. I could tell from the almost quavering sound of her voice. I’m sure that given a choice, she would have done anything other than what she was doing. Allie had only spoken about her parents, and her growing up, on very rare occasions and I never brought the subject up.

As we motored along, the high rise buildings became smaller multi-family dwellings and then single family homes. The snow cover coupled with all of the Christmas decorations on the homes lent the feeling of a large amusement park rather than a sacred religious period. But even these homes, as roomy as they appeared to be, gave way to mansions surrounded by expansive lawns and iron or stone fences.

Allie pulled up to one of the larger mansions and stopped at the gate house. She smiled and nodded and the guard opened the gate; a guard mind you! She drove up the gravel road…it was too wide to simply be a driveway…toward a Tudor styled stone faced home. This was, beyond any doubt, the largest house I’d ever seen. The main entrance had windows towering at least two stories that were stained glass. The home went up another two stories beyond that!

The roadway split and Allie veered left toward the front of the house where other cars were parked. I was to learn that the other turn led to the garage in the rear of the house. Allie told me that the garage was actually the former carriage house and was large enough for seven cars! The upper floor of the carriage house is where the grounds keeper and his wife lived.

As we pulled up to the entrance of the house, an older man with silver hair wearing a black suit with a white shirt and a red and blue stripped tie met us. He first opened my door and warmly smiled whilst bidding me hello. Then he went around to Allie’s side and assisted her out of the car. Allie immediately hugged him.

“Merry Christmas Mister Sean…” Her voice was quite sincere as Allie hugged him and then kissed his cheek.

“And a merry Christmas to you Miss Allie... How have you been?” Mister Sean gave her another big hug.

“I’ve been quite well.” Turning toward me whilst still holding his hands, Allie spoke again. “And this is my…friend…” That did sound so much better than tenant or roommate. “…Andi.”

“Yes…” He smiled and turned toward me. “Hello Andi... Welcome and let’s go in. You both must want to freshen up after your drive and we do have such a wonderful menu for today.”

Turning to Allie with a smile, his blue eyes twinkling with joy, he spoke.

“Your mother and father are so looking forward to seeing you.”

“Oh Mister Sean, you were always such a good fibber.”

She giggled as Mister Sean looked down for a moment as he smiled and blushed baby pink. He seemed to concede that she was correct, at least in this instance.

Allie and Mister Sean entered the huge double oak doors slightly before I did. The sight before me as I crossed the threshold was amazing. I entered an atrium that reached up one very tall story and then a second. The floors were stone…marble I guessed…and covered with large Persian rugs that were somewhat worn with age. A very wide center stairway, also of stone, went up about half the height of the first floor and then split into two halves that went up the rest of the way to the second floor.

To my right was a large salon filled with…I would guess…about two dozen people. Mister Sean helped me off with my coat, hung it up next to Allie’s, and escorted us into that room. The floors were wood but again covered with Persian rugs. There was a slightly musty odor in the air that comes with furnishings that have seen more than several ages.

The window treatments were silk no doubt and quite heavy with their deep crimson fronting and their sun blocking backs. Golden cords secured them back and away from the tall windows that gave an unobstructed view of the snow covered lawn and leaf barren trees.

Paintings lined the walls; mostly portraits. From what I could take in they were period pieces dating back to…from the look of the dress mode and style…perhaps the late eighteenth through the twentieth centuries.

Before photography, the wealthy could afford to ‘immortalize’ themselves by having a portrait painted. Often the artist specialized in doing these portraits and some of the artists were quite good at it and could almost make a living.

The furniture pieces were all originals and antique. The chairs and loveseats and settees were arranged in small groups with end tables dotting the area between the pieces. There were three elaborate crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling offering additional lighting. Whilst I wouldn’t call the room warm or elegant, it was certainly well appointed if one chose to live in a museum.

I fit right in! Of all the blazers present, including those being worn by women, most were navy blue. And if penny loafers weren’t on one’s feet, then boating shoes were. The gold jewelry was elegant, solid and quite real and the diamond rings and earrings flashed nearly as brightly as the cosmetically enhanced smiles. I had to giggle. I felt as though I was in an F. Scott Fitzgerald novel brought up to date.

I was totally lost with taking everything in when Allie grabbed my arm and gently squeezed. I looked into her falsely smiling face as she spoke between her teeth.

“Here comes mommy dearest.”

Allie motioned with her eyes toward a blond woman in a Merino wool sweater dress partially obscured by…you guessed it…a navy blue blazer. Her face was pumper than that proverbial fatted calf. This was no doubt due to the excessive amounts of Botox required to erase every line ever drawn by a life of even greater excess. She not only had a bunny nose, she had bunny eyes.

“Alison dear…” She croaked across the several yards still separating us. “…how are you?” Her arms came up, ready to embrace her daughter.

“I’m well mother.”

‘Mother’…? The two embraced and kissed. Then Allie’s mother held her at arm’s length and closely inspected her daughter.

“You do look a bit tired. Are you getting enough sleep?” Then with a soured expression she killed the entire day for poor Allie. “Are you putting on more weight again?”

‘Bitch…’ I thought. I could see any joy within poor Allie just leave her as her eyes dulled. Did her mother need to make that sound like a statement? It was a double slap in the face, no doubt perfected over years of verbally slapping various people. Now was the time for me to be the total artist…immersed in the truth…as I saw it.

“So…” She turned toward me with a very toothy smile. “You must be Andi…the artist.”

“Yes… And a merry Christmas to you...” I couldn’t approach her in the toothy department but I did smile.

“You must find it difficult to make ends meet as an artist.”

What a very odd statement. She was going straight into my pockets to have a look.

“Actually, I seem to be doing quite well. I have a job with an advertising firm as a graphic artist.”

“Andi just had a showing at the Preston Gallery.” Allie added that with a revived excitement.

“Ahhh… You sold a painting.”

I hated the manner in which she stated her questions as though they were statements of facts.

“Well…” I actually blushed carmesi red and looked at Allie with a smile. “We sold almost everything. The pieces Allie and I did were quite desirable and rather sold quickly.”

“Really…? How interesting…”

Allie’s mother seemed quite astonished that her daughter’s work could be wanted by others. Allie blushed vivid auburn, grasped my hand and gently squeezed; an action not lost on her mother.

“But it really was a study I did of Allie that took the show. Several prospective buyers were actually bidding on the painting.”

I had to giggle as I recalled the scene with Bob Preston in the middle.

“Really…?”

Mommy’s voice seemed to find an even lower octave to express further disbelief. She looked at her daughter with surprise.

“You posed? Nude…?”

“No…” I had to answer this one. Allie is too honest sometimes? “Allie was as attired as one might be at the beach. And the pose was quite modest…and robed.”

“Well…” Mom breathed the word! “I don’t see how being dressed so scantily as they seem to be these days at the beach could be confused with modesty.”

I had such a crusher that I couldn’t resist.

“Some of the greatest artists of all time…especially some of the French and Italian Renaissance masters…were able to paint a woman without any clothes on and yet portray her modesty…her humility…her femininity without invoking anything vulgar or profane. That is where we differ from the average male. A male sees a nude woman and immediately the most carnal of thoughts form in his mind. Just think of the work of Raffaello or Michaelangelo’s Sistine Chapel ceiling. Allie…”

I turned my head slightly to notice I had suddenly attracted a small group of people who seemed to be listening to me.

“…was the perfect study for me. Had she lived during the time of those masters, no doubt they would have sought her out to immortalize in oils.” I turned to gaze at Allie. “She has a timeless and classical beauty.”

“But the two people you mentioned are men.”

I turned to see a rather neat, finely manicured man with horn rimmed glasses and the emblem of a club of some sort on his blazer breast pocket. He was, no doubt, yet another member of the leisure class.

“Ah…but they are more than simply men.”

I love using the present tense for dead artists. I mean…we’re still speaking of them so are they truly dead? I had to giggle.

“What sets them, and others like them, apart is they can look at a woman…” I couldn’t resist placing my hand upon Allie’s mom’s shoulder. “…as something other than simply an anatomical invitation to procreate.”

I noticed that several of the women…the younger ones in particular…who had gathered in our ever expanding group nodded their heads in agreement. I was so pleased with myself at that moment. I could have started a war between the sexes with little trouble.

As I walked about the large room gazing at each portrait, I held forth on the particular period and the gathering seemed to follow me and grow in size. Allie had disappeared at some point and I didn’t see her until quite late in the afternoon when dessert was being served.

Her lovely face was reddened and I couldn’t help but notice the crumpled tissues in her hand. Allie had been crying. As she held my hand and squeezed for a brief moment, I couldn’t help but ask.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah…” She sniffled and wiped her nose. “I can’t wait to leave.”

Allie had two glasses of wine before we left. She felt she needed that to maintain any façade of civility. Once in the car, Allie let me begin the drive home. We sat in silence for the first ten minutes or so. I was letting her take her own time in letting go of whatever was done to her.

“It was awful.” Allie said softly as she stared off to the side. “They think we’re in a lesbian relationship.”

I thought about that for a moment and then burst out in laughter.

“What is so funny?” Allie said softly as tears began to appear again. “They said I couldn’t get a man because I’m too fat and I don’t keep the right company and…” Allie stopped and stared at me. “What is so funny!” She demanded.

“You should have told them I had a dick!” I cackled. “They would have had a coronary!”

“That’s not funny Andi!” Allie fumed.

“It would be if they knew the size!” I couldn’t contain myself.

That finally got a chuckle out of Allie…albeit reluctantly. I guess the image of me exposing myself to them finally broke the malaise she was in. By the time we returned home, Allie was in a much better mood. However I was a nervous wreck. I would be much happier with her doing the driving in the future. We both took some time to freshen ourselves and kind of wind down from the emotional afternoon.

I didn’t like becoming as verbally aggressive as I had when I first encountered ‘mother dearest’ but I suppose both of her parents are bullies of the worst kind. Allie didn’t expect them to come at her as they did and by the time she recognized those same old wounds being reopened, it was too late.

I went into the kitchen to get something non-alcoholic to drink. I was rummaging around in the fridge when Allie came in with a gift wrapped box. She was grinning as she hugged me and kissed me.

“Merry Christmas sweet heart...” She backed away and handed me the box.

“Oh my God…!” I was surprised.

I mean I sort of expected a little something but I went so long without anything really special at any time of the year that the smallest thing I received was truly a great joy and pleasure. I recognized the gift wrapping of her second home. Bloomie’s of course...

I glanced at Allie with my biggest smile as I carefully nudged the ribbon over the corner of the box. It had to be clothing; the one thing I couldn’t have enough of. I carefully removed the wrapping paper…

“Come on…! Open it already!”

Allie was more excited than I was. She couldn’t wait to see her expected expression on my face.

I carefully removed the wrapping paper giggling like a fool. Now I really would take my time if for no other reason than to drive her crazy. Allie was not exactly your delayed gratification kind of girl. She was bouncing on her toes as I took off the box top and set it aside with the neatly folded wrapping paper and the ribbon.

I opened the tissue paper to find what I thought was a gorgeous camisole top. It was cream colored with a delicate silver threaded geometric pattern. It wasn’t until I grasped the delicate straps and lifted it up that I saw it was a dress.

I was stunned. It was gorgeous. The fabric was silk and the length appeared to fall too just above my knees. This was definitely a cocktail dress and a gorgeous one at that. I was totally overcome with emotion. I hugged Allie not letting go of the straps.

“Oh my God…! This is so…so amazing!”

This was something I would never have thought to buy for myself. I felt a tear well up as I held the piece at arm’s length and simply gazed at it.

“I have to try it on!”

This kind of dress had to fit me perfectly? I mean…it’s a tank top with spaghetti straps and the fabric was so light and delicate that it almost had to be worn braless. The only problem is that I barely had boobs to go braless with? I almost didn’t care as I held the dress against me trying to gauge how it would look.

“Come on…go try it on.” Allie was bursting to see me in this dress.

Really this was kind of a first for me in that the gown would need to wait for an occasion. This dress I could wear out even to go dancing or something…anything after working hours really. I rushed to my bedroom and quickly stripped down to my panty. I slipped the dress over my head and luxuriated in feeling the silk lining sliding down my body till the straps fell into place on my shoulders. The coolness of the material felt wonderful against my ever itching nipples.

I reached around my back to pull the zipper up. I got it most of the way but failed to get it all the way up. I went to my mirror to have a look and, as luck would have it, the fit was nearly perfect. This dress was designed for a woman with ‘next to nothing’ sized boobs. But I didn’t think a bra would work. The cut of the bodice was almost too low to afford coverage for anything other than maybe fashion forms for some support and shaping, and modesty.

I slipped my pumps on and went back into the kitchen to show Allie. I was aglow as I turned this was and that and spun completely around. Allie smiled and nodded her approval. We discussed the boob issue. Allie said we’d need to glue them in place and maybe then add the fashion forms. The color of my boobs was close enough to my natural skin tone to have the edges concealed with a bit of foundation and coloring.

If I didn’t move radically and I wasn’t going out dancing…at least dancing too actively…I shouldn’t have a problem. Anyway, I could always wear a lace or silk wrap or shawl or even a boa of some type.

“I know just when I’m going to wear this.” It occurred to me in a flash. Like the light bulb went off over my head or something.

“Oh?” Allie leaned on her elbows and suddenly perked up to the oncoming news report.

“Yeah… On next Tuesday night when Peter takes out that potential client and his wife. This’ll be perfect!”

“Oh my God…! You’re going to fuck him…aren’t you?” Allie’s eyes popped wide open and her jaw dropped in a smile. “That’s what that dress is you know. It’s a ‘fuck me’ dress. I mean…I should know. You def need to get some higher heeled pumps to wear. We could look around for the right pair tomorrow.”

I looked at Allie and grinned as I continued to sort of pose and move in the dress. But in truth I was thinking about what she said. And she was right. Maybe I did want to fuck Peter and I knew that this dress would elicit that kind of response from him. Maybe I did want to look ‘hot’ for a change…to see if I could even pull it off. Maybe I wanted to see if I could be that sensual vixen that seemed to come so naturally to Allie.

But instead of being that lush, plush, fertility Goddess type, I would need to be the super sophisticated type. I would mousse my hair straight back and wear a bold red lipstick with a bit more blue to it and go for a really dramatic look with smoky eyes and all. I channeled Parisian clubs during the nineteen thirties with their decadence and hot gypsy jazz music. My mind was awhirl with every romantic image I’d ever taken in.

“Just remember to have your extra panty and liner handy. Oh…” Allie perked up again. “And tissues...”

“What…?”

“You’ll need tissues.”

“I always have a few with me.”

“No… I mean more than a few.”

“Why…?”

“Are you going to sleep with him?”

“First of all… My dear…” I gazed at her intensely. “I don’t know that I’m going to fuck him. And even if I did, I would have to come back home because I definitely would not be bringing an extra wardrobe to wear the next day.”

“So…” Allie was giggling now. “You’d have to wear that dress home, right?”

“Yeah...? So…?”

“Then you’ll need the tissues so that you won’t stain your panty or that dress when you’re on your way home.” Now she was chuckling. It took me a minute to realize what she was telling me.

“Oh my God… Allie…!” I put my hands on my hips faking irritation at what she said. “You are so bad!”

“Listen…I’m only speaking from experience.” She laughed. “You don’t want to leak any of Peter all over your dress, or the cab seat for that matter. I mean you’ll be the one who has to sit in it if you forget.”

I smiled and giggled and continued to relish how this dress felt on. God…! I never thought I would ever go this far. Yet in less than a month I owned two amazing pieces. I walked over to the nearest mirror and as I gazed at myself I thought how lovely this would look once I had more boobage. In fact, if the straps could be made just slightly tighter…I could get by just as I was with my little ‘bumps’ and some kind of a shawl; something in a silk and silver threaded pattern.

“What do you think about this?” I asked Allie as I held the straps up raising the dress about a half inch.

“Hmmm… It’s doable.” She got off her stool and came up behind me to see how they were attached to the back. “Here sweetie…let’s zip it up all the way.”

Allie zipped it up and then took hold of the straps where I had and lifted until the deep scoop of the front was at a more…modest height?

“Yeah… This could work. And we can always let it down when… when you fill in?” Allie giggled.

“You’re the best!” I hugged her and kissed her cheek.

I rushed back into my bedroom to change and hang up the dress. Once I had my lounging tee on, I rushed into my studio to get the portrait I’d been working on for her. I had actually finished it several days ago but the oils do take time to dry.

I painted Allie at her wheel trimming a piece she had just thrown. I remember how deeply she concentrated on what she was doing. Her intent demeanor wasn’t simply for the sake of accuracy of form; she was savoring the act itself; the creation of something from nothing; the art of the craft.

I carefully lifted the canvas and carried it in the kitchen where Allie sat at the counter with her back toward me. I carefully set the painting down on a counter with the top resting against one of the glass doors of the shelves. She knew I was in the kitchen but Allie was sipping her tea at the moment and didn’t suspect that I had done anything other than enter the room.

“This is for you…what do you think?”

I smiled as I came up behind her and placed my hands on her shoulders. I slowly spun her around till she faced the painting.

“Oh…my…God!”

Allie got off her stool to have a closer look. It was a fair sized canvas at twenty four inches by thirty. Allie came closer yet. Her mouth was wide opened as were her eyes.

“Well? Do you like it?”

I was beginning to worry when she did nothing but stare at the painting. She looked at me without changing expression. Now I was really worried. I thought the work was quite good. But… Well… I am biased you know.

“I have another one you might like.”

“NO…!”

I didn’t expect such a vehement response. Allie looked at me with tears in her eyes.

“This is…”

She was having trouble speaking. I handed her a napkin to wipe her tears.

“This is…simply wonderful! It’s an exceptional…no…it’s a great work. Are you sure you want to give it to me?” I could tell her question was a serious one.

“I can’t think of anyone I’d rather see have this.”

I hugged her and whispered a Merry Christmas into her ear. We both turned to look at the painting, my arm around her shoulder and her arm around my waist.

“I can almost smell the dust.” She laughed and sniffled. “Where should we put it?”

“How about in our little dining area…? We’re certainly back and forth across that area and, when we have guests, they’ll have no choice but to see you with dirt on your face.” I laughed.

She was gorgeous even when dirty faced.

“I almost feel like hanging it somewhere near the entrance so that everyone can see it the moment they come in. I mean…this is really a breathtaking work.” Allie shook her head slowly. “Nobody has ever given me anything like this before. I mean…”

She turned into me to hold my waist with both of her hands. She leaned her head onto my shoulder.

“I’ve gotten things of value before. But this is extra special because it’s really like a piece of someone.” She looked into my eyes for just a moment. “It’s like a piece of you.”

“Well…I have to tell you that this is the very best Christmas I’ve ever had and it’s really due to you. If I hadn’t met you…I probably would be spending it alone.”

By the time she returned, sans dress, makeup and definitely looking far more comfortable, I had assembled a variety of goodies upon the tea cart; cheeses, cut fruit, bits of this and that and a pile of toast. She added a bottle of wine that needed finishing and two glasses. We wheeled the cart into the cave, put the television on to a music channel, and sat of the couch to feast.

We enjoyed simply sitting and talking and feeding each other little bits of what was on the cart. I felt a pleasant and warm aura surround us, a very familiar sense of being in a home, as we sat there. I was afraid I was becoming spoiled and I didn’t intend to stop it or do anything to change that. And it was entirely due to Allie.

She finally fell asleep with her feet on my lap after I had massaged them. I managed to slip out from under her, cover her with a blanket, and sneak off into my room where I took a shower and masturbated thinking of her…and Peter.

The next day we both slept in. It had snowed a bit more to add a new coat of whiteness to the already dirty shades city snow tended to adopt almost as rapidly as it fell. Allie came into my bedroom to wake me and she climbed between the sheets to fend off the coolness of the morning. I was on my side facing her and she giggled as she watched me. Her aroma permeated the air and I found that to be quite enticing.

“So…” She said with a giggle. “This is what it would be like to wake up next to you.”

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I really didn’t know what to say. I giggled and pulled the blanket over my head.

“Oh… No you don’t!” Allie pulled the blanket back down. “We have to decide what to do today. I think we should go up to Eight street and see if anything is open. Maybe we can find you some shoes and I’m sure we can find a shawl of some sort.”

I so desired to reach out and just touch Allie’s face but I was frozen. I kind of realized that at this particular moment she saw me as her roommate…maybe even her female roommate…and as her friend; her female friend. I gazed at her and smiled. Inside I felt like grabbing her and hugging her to me. I felt like screaming out how I wanted her. But all I could do was gaze and smile.

“It’s going to be really yucky walking around out there.” That was all I could offer.

“Well…you have those work shoe sort of things I’ve seen you wear in the studio.”

“Yeah…but I’ll need to wear heavy socks with them.”

“Just bring a pair of knee highs with you. Or wear them underneath your socks. You’ll certainly be warmer that way.”

There was no defeating Allie when she had a plan nor did I really want to.

“Okay… We’ll eat when we get there?”

“Yeah… So you’re up for it?”

Her eyes were wild and bright and she was nodding her head furiously. She was definitely excited about going out and doing a little shopping; especially for shoes.

“Uhhh…sure.” I giggled.

Suddenly Allie hopped up and threw the blanket off of her. She squealed and jumped on top of me. I pulled the blanket over my head again as she began to bounce on top of me. Although I loved her playful moods, which seemed to be coming more often of late, this was something totally new.

She was like a little kid playing with a younger sibling maybe? I was laughing as she then tried to tickle me, and I might add quite successfully, through the blanket. Then, with one swift strong movement, she pulled the blanket entirely off of me and bounced out of the bed.

“Okay sleepy head… Time to get moving...”

And Allie ran off to her room leaving me laughing and cussing and wondering what had gotten into her.

I hurried and managed to shower and get partially dressed within a half hour. I forwent my morning fantasy session in the shower for fear of Allie suddenly coming in and surprising me. Whilst she has never done that before, this new frisky side of her was…well…new and not very predictable; although I must say I enjoyed seeing the child in her so close to the surface.

Today would be a blue jean day so I grabbed my one pair of semi-ratty low rise jeans. I sometimes wore these in the studio. I was a bit perturbed that they were becoming too tight to button where not very long ago they were quite loose. They were unduly tight on my butt and hips. This was obviously a result of the ‘mones I’d been taking for several months now.

Next I dug for my pink sweat shirt with the rose colored beading. I would own this sweat shirt till it was only a scrape of fabric. It was my fave for several years and, in truth, was one of the first obviously femme garments I bought when I began school here in the city. One of the first things I did upon arriving here from the Bakersfield area was to ditch almost all my clothes and buy a new, more suitable wardrobe. Of course I didn’t eat very well for the next month and one half having used so much of my stipend.

I found a pair of sweat socks to put on over my thigh highs and I put on my huge clunky tan work boots…really very heavy shoes…and tied the laces. Next I was off to the bathroom to put on the final touches of a day out in town. A touch or two of mascara, a swipe of blush, a pale pink lipstick and a coat of light reddish lip gloss and I was ready to face the world.

I met Allie in the kitchen sipping her coffee. She was unduly fast in dressing today as well. She looked so cute in a flannel tartan shirt and her jeans. She was wearing heavy white socks and her moccasins. I knew she wasn’t wearing her moccasins out so I was a bit mystified until I saw a pair of bright yellow down filled boots with black clamps that snugged them up.

We drove up to the Village and parked in a garage. Allie insisted that I drive, yet again. She said I needed the practice and, to be totally honest, that was no doubt true. I can’t say that having a car in the city is a convenience but on crappy days like today, it sure beats trying to get a cab or an Uber to go anywhere.

I must say that within minutes of our arrival I found a pair of silver pumps that would suit the dress, and the occasion, perfectly. And… This would be my first real pair of heels…all two and one half stiletto inches of them. I saw a pair of open toed kitten heels that would be perfect as well. After kicking off my heavy shoes and socks, I tried both pairs on. And both fit my delicate feet perfectly.

Though I’d often admired the look of high heels, I could never seem to get around to owning any. The height was quite intimidating for one thing. And I was in dire fear of falling and perhaps breaking an ankle or some other body part that I would be in need of.

I once tried walking in a pair of four inch heels but that proved way daunting and I didn’t even get to the end of the shop. But both seemed gentle enough and the inner sole was cushioned for comfort. Allie, of course, wanted me to try on several different heights and I did. I went as high as four and one half inches but I didn’t walk more than maybe five or six feet and I held onto her shoulder as I cautiously stepped along in them.

I felt myself giving way lately. I was not really very sure to what but I knew one thing for sure; I was really trusting Allie as I had never trusted anyone before. Just the very act of trying on that gown was a major change in the way I perceived myself. Now with the impending donning of that wonderful cocktail dress for an evening out with Peter, and new potential client and his wife, my following Allie’s lead implicitly was a new giant leap of faith.

As Allie tried on several different shoes, I walked…no…strutted back and forth in the shop. Every time I passed by a mirror, I would look at the pumps on my feet and silently scream ‘WOW’. I even raised the legs of my jeans as much as I could just to see how the shoes made my calves stand out and how my thigh highs disappeared into the upper vamp. In truth, at that moment, I knew that these would not be the last pairs of heels I bought.

After Allie had her fill of trying on different styles of shoes, we gathered our things, two boxes heavier, and walked out of the shop toward Sixth Avenue. We gazed into the windows of the various shops trying to find that one special missing piece; a shawl or stole that would complete my outfit.

Thankfully Allie and I always seemed to be on the same wave length when it came to art, food and fashion. She suggested that we walk down Sixth until we came to Bleeker Street. She knew of a very nice Italian deli type of place where we could get something to eat. Finally, with snow lightly falling and our noses freely running as the temperature dropped, we came upon Faicco’s.

Now I must confess that I have never really been a big fan of Italian food. I mean everything always seems to be in red sauce, or on red sauce. And ninety nine percent of the time is was pizza or pasta…with red sauce. Allie was quite knowledgeable on my criticism and has wanted to expose me to the ‘other side’ of Italian cuisine.

Of course I immediately thought that a deli would not necessarily be the proper location to sample gourmet foods but I was wrong. Allie set to work ordering starting with a salad plate of various sliced meats, cheeses, peppers and olives. Then she went for the rice balls and another salad thingy with chopped tomatoes, onions, little green thingies, and it was served on spiced bread.

I mean we really had a feast and everything was really so good. Granted, the cheeses and some of the meats didn’t smell so great but as soon as they got past my oversized nose and into my mouth…well…I couldn’t get enough! The entire meal was a veritable orgasm for the mouth, and tummy.

We finished our meal splitting a chocolate cannoli and cappuccinos. As I sipped my coffee, I thought about how much bigger my world had become since leaving school. Then I thought about Peter and the dinner Tuesday night and I had to giggle.

“What?” Allie looked up with a relaxed expression and a smile on her face.

“Nothing…” I shook my head and smiled. “I’m just thinking about the dinner and how different life is these days.”

“You’re not kidding!” Allie giggled and leaned in closer. “I never thought I’d ever see you in a dress and now you can’t wait to wear one!”

“Very funny…!” I rolled my eyes and exhibited my ‘give me a break’ look.

“I know. But that’s what life’s about once you leave school. It’s the real world coming at you.”

“I know that. But…” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “…sometimes I feel a bit lost. Like this dinner thing. I mean…why am I there? Nobody is a better salesman than Peter.”

“Maybe…” Allie thought for a moment and spoke very seriously. “…you’re playing his wife.”

“What?” I was very surprised at her answer.

“Well…? This guy is bringing his wife…right? Peter probably wants someone there to kind of even the odds? And he does want someone there he can trust to do the right thing?”

“The right thing?” WTF??? “And what would that be?”

“That’s easy.” Allie laughed. “Simply follow his lead. And…if you can…keep the wife totally occupied. Yeah... Don’t let her feel left out. There’s a reason he’s bringing her and I doubt it’s just to keep tabs on him.”

“What?” Huh?

“Oh God…” Allie rolled her eyes and smiled patiently. “…maybe it’s her money?”

“Ohhh… Yeah...” Hmmm… I looked at my nails. “I wish I could get my nails done before Tuesday night.” I looked up at Allie. “I was thinking of maybe going really dramatic, you know? Maybe like ox blood red or even deeper; smoky eyes or something…anything different. I want to look hot, you know?”

I wanted Allie’s opinion. I needed Allie’s opinion.

“You are so bad!” Allie laughed. “You’re getting worse than me.”

“Why?” I was really curious why she would say something like that.

“Because! All you want to do is get fucked by Peter. Are you planning on sleeping with him?”

Sometimes Allie’s bluntness shocked me and this was no exception. She giggled and eyed me with an odd expression. It was kind of like she knew something I didn’t…which was usually true anyway. I’d actually thought about both; getting fucked and sleeping over. I must admit the getting fucked sounded more appealing than the sleeping over part?

“You know…sometimes I want him so badly that I can’t stand it. I mean like sometimes I have to just get up and leave the office.”

I could feel tears start to well up and that weird pain of desire unfulfilled begin. Allie looked at me and smiled quite sympathetically as she nodded her head in agreement. She understood just what I felt.

And then there are times I really desired Allie. Now a tear did fall. I caught it, and one or two others, with my napkin. I want to…I don’t know…be naked with her? I want to touch her and feel her and bury myself in her. It’s like I want to have a religious experience with her.

“You what…?”

Allie’s voice brought me back to the present…thankfully.

“You know.” I raised my hands and looked up at the ceiling and said in a voice not quite loud enough to be heard by the entire deli; “OH…! MY…! GOD…!”

“Ohhh…” Allie giggled. “One of ‘those’… I happen to be very fond of ‘those’ myself although I haven’t had one of ‘those’ in some time now.”

“Why can’t I have even one?”

Okay… So I whined. Nobody’s perfect you know.

“Who says you can’t?” Allie smiled at me with a look of amazement.

I actually thought about it for a moment…but…

“Suppose it was you? Would you want to share someone you loved with somebody else?” Then I remembered. She did…although she didn’t know it. “I mean if he’s not married?”

I don’t think I made my faux pas any better with that statement. And Allie was cutting me no slack with a very hard glaring gaze. Then she laughed.

“I know what you mean. All three would have to agree with what’s going on and then the question of it meaning that the three must be faithful to the others or can they in turn have another lover as well. I mean what’s good for the goose and all that.”

“Huh?”

“And then what about special occasions and holidays? I mean who gets custody of the one in the middle? That’s you! Do you do Thanksgiving with one and Christmas with the other or do you all move in together and have a nice chummy life?” Allie laughed again.

“You’re not being of any help. This is very serious for me. I don’t know what to do.”

Okay… So maybe I tend to whine a lot. But I was so very confused and I was looking for…something…anything; a hint or a clue.

“Look sweet heart… I certainly couldn’t say not to try out a few cars before you buy one? But buy only one. I would want total fidelity from anyone I was going to have a relationship with. I’ve yet to get that. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I simply haven’t found the right person yet.”

I listened to Allie and I nodded in agreement. I understood what she was trying to tell me. I had to make a choice.

“And I think you would want to same. I mean…”

Allie began speaking with her hands as well as her words. I loved that manner in which she would suddenly become very animated.

“You are so very sensitive to so many different things…and emotions. I know that you would want one person you could trust completely. Now I’m sure both of the people you are interested in would be trustable, but what happens when you wind up with two conflicting views? Look at what you’re going through right now.”

Allie certainly had a point. I was going crazy between the two of them and I hadn’t even done anything…provocative? I felt that Peter was especially dangerous for me. I couldn’t even be around him without trembling with excitement. He has this aura of masculinity that kind of overwhelms me if I get too close to him. If he has me within arm’s length…it’s all over. It takes every bit of my will power not to drop to my knees and…well…you know. And I’m around him nearly as much as I’m around Allie.

But once I get past the physicality of his being, there’s really not much else. I mean it’s not like he’s an air head or anything. And he does seem to understand me. On an artistic level he allows me complete freedom in doing my job and I do enjoy his counsel which is only offered when I request it?

But there’s no touching of our spirits. It’s kind of like two people on parallel paths but those paths simply can’t seem to intersect at any point other than the sexual one. Yeah, I know, it’s the artist within me speaking. But, let’s face it, that’s what I am.

With Allie it’s different…very different. It’s definitely not like I want to drop to my knees and stick my face into her vagina. And it’s definitely not that I want to rip off all her clothes and…well…fuck her brains out. I mean there is definitely a very strong physical component to what I feel toward her. It’s just not really very sexual as much as…sensual?

But the other part, the touching of the spirits, it’s definitely there and it’s definitely strong. We commune on so many different levels it seems. When we work together on something, and we do work together oh so well, it’s almost like another part of me is speaking through her.

And she seems to see what very little my eyes miss. I love it when she critiques something I’m working on and I need an opinion. Though I trust Peter on a visual level, I trust Allie on an artistic level as well.

When I think about our past together, I can’t help but recall all of the moments, both big and little, that Allie willingly assisted in the growth of ‘Andi’. She not only assisted but also initiated some aspects of my persona; from my first visit to the salon to the gifting of my ‘boobs’ and now to the gifting of my very first cocktail dress.

Okay, I’ll grant you that perhaps she was playing with me as if I was a live Barbi Doll. And certainly she took great joy and pleasure whenever we ‘played’ in that fashion. But she also never seemed to call it a game or playing. And she never belittled me because of this little eccentricity of mine. She made it all seem so…so natural…so…normal.

To Peter’s great credit, he never looked at me as some kind of…freak? His treatment of me as an employee, and as a human being, exhibited nothing other than the greatest respect and even admiration. I’m sure that the reason my co-workers were more tolerant of my behavior and manner of dress was due to Peter’s, and Rhona’s, complete and unconditional acceptance of me.

Of course the real problem is my persona; the ‘femme’ Andi. Will I, or have I, become so ‘femme’ that Peter will not be able to accept me as a lover. I mean, after all, he is decidedly gay and, by definition, desires men. His attraction to me certainly hasn’t lessened as my physical image becoming closer to my mental image of how I should look. But will I reach a point where all that was male within me becomes so sublimated that he can no longer associate me with that particular gender?

The same holds true with Allie. Bless her heart, Allie never altered her relationship with me because of my appearance and, if anything, we’ve become even closer. But have I become so femme that she cannot see me as a lover because she also desires men…and all that is masculine in nature.

“Earth to Andi…earth to Andi…? Where are you Andi?” Allie giggled.

I became so lost in thought that I failed to hear her speaking to me.

“Sorry…” I laughed. “I was just thinking about things.”

“I think it’s time to get going sweetie. It’s starting to snow for real and we do need to walk back to the car.”

I looked out the window and saw that although it was only about two, the darkness of the sky and the snow made it seem later, much later. I paid the bill and we bundled up to brave the cold and snowy walk. Arms linked, we began our trek. The entire way back to the car my mind was still occupied with my dilemma. Allie certainly lent clarity to my situation and now the only thing left for me to do is exert some restraint and make my decision.

Upon returning home, I realized that we were still shy one important piece to my ensemble; the shawl…stole. I couldn’t wait to see how both pairs of shoes looked with the dress so I quickly disrobed and put on the dress again and then the pumps. I walked around my bedroom several times gazing at myself in the mirror and savoring the feeling of both the shoes on my feet and the dress against my body. I did the same with the sandals.

Allie came in and looked quite pleased that I was enjoying her gift. She sat on my bed and watched me parade about.

“You really look killer in that dress. I wish I could wear something like that.” I could hear a hint of sadness in Allie’s voice.

“Yeah? Well I wish I could wear some of the things you have.”

That was the truth. She was so curvaceous that anything draping or with a revealing top made her look like a Grecian or Roman Goddess. Or, my favorite analogy was an urban fertility Goddess.

“Oh God Allie, what am I going to do about the shawl? I mean I really have no cleavage to speak of and I don’t want to have to fake it.” I turned toward the mirror and even with the pinned straps, without something to distract the eye from my obvious lack of boobage, the look was hit or miss.

“Don’t worry honey. I’ll find something tomorrow. I can stop at Bergdorf’s during lunch and if I can’t find anything, there’s always Bloomies after work.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

I knelt and hugged Allie. We always seemed to go the extra little bit for each another.

The snow abated sometime during the night and Monday began with a bright sunny, but frigid, morning. I actually slept in real pajamas; flannel ones at that! And I definitely needed my moccasins and my robe to get from my bed to the bathroom. I remained an extra few minutes in the shower to luxuriate in the heat of the water. I managed to steam up the mirrors so that I needed to wipe them down several times between my getting dried and dressed.

I went to the kitchen to get a cup of delicious smelling coffee. Allie had already left for the day. Her first mission was to return the rented car but she never failed to make coffee before she did anything else. I poured a cup and then went to finish dressing; that is…to do my makeup.

This was another habit I acquired from Allie. She would never let herself be seen without the barest of minimums; lipstick, mascara and maybe eye shadow. Of course once the day was finished, or before it began, she went nude. But I was the only one who ever saw her that way.

The cab ride to work was a mess. Between the melting snow and slush and the normal Monday morning madness, it took nearly twice as long as usual. But once I had my second coffee and sat at Rhona’s desk talking about…stuff…things felt almost normal for the first day of the week.

I was definitely waiting for Peter to come in. I really had a few questions for him that were, I felt, important. I needed to know what the lighting would be like and what the menu was and who would be sitting next to whom. I mean, how I looked would depend somewhat on these things. Well…maybe not the menu…but other things.

I was discussion my new dress with Rhona when Peter did arrive. As usual he gazed at us, shook his head, chuckled, and continued on to his office. I quickly grabbed a cup for him and followed not quite behind him. I wanted to give him time to at least sit and get his day somewhat organized before entering. I figured I’d give him two or three minutes.

“How did I know…” Peter laughed. “…that you would be the first one in?”

I giggled as I set his coffee down on his desk. Peter took a sip without taking his eyes off of me.

“You do look super today.” I blushed hot pink…as usual. “So Andi…what’s on your mind?” He motioned me toward the chair in front of his desk.

“Well…” I sat on the edge of the chair with my hands on his desk. “…I kind of wanted to know where we were eating? I mean…what’s the lighting like?”

“It’s called The Café Avon. It’s a lovely place off of Broadway not too far from here. They have a lovely ambience and the lighting is subdued. The food, by the way, is excellent. Why do you ask?”

“Well…” I blushed and smiled demurely. “…I wanted to look…well…good, you know?”

“Oh Andi…” Peter said with a hint of exasperation in his voice. “You always look good.”

“I have this new cocktail dress that I thought I’d wear. It’s…” Peter held up his hand and laughed.

“Surprise me... You’re the artist and I trust your judgment. Anyway, I can’t think of anything you couldn’t do justice to.”

That was a very sweet way of saying he wasn’t interested in discussing my wardrobe.

“Well…what are these people like?”

“That’s a good question. Evidentially the father owns the company but he’s not well enough to handle the day to day affairs. He’s sending his son-in-law and daughter to meet with us. The wife seems to be quite sharp. Apparently he’s a born again type of late so I really don’t know how it’s going to go.”

“So maybe I should say nothing?”

“Actually…I would rather have you speak and I say nothing.” Peter laughed.

He has such a wonderful laugh; free, open, and so full. I had to giggle.

“I think that you’ll be fine. Just answer anything that comes your way and try not to give them too much info. They probably won’t understand anything technical so don’t go there.”

“So I should simply follow your lead.”

“If you want to put it that way…yes…that would be fine.” Peter leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk. “Look, there’s nothing to be nervous about. Just be yourself and everything will be fine.”

He smiled confidently at me so what else could I do…I smiled confidently back at him.

“Oh…” I had to clear my throat for this one. “I need to leave after lunch tomorrow.”

Peter arched both eyebrows and smiled waiting to hear this one.

“I need to have my nails done?”

Peter broke up with laughter as he nodded his head. He wrote down the name and the address of the restaurant and the time I needed to be there. I must admit he was always very lenient with me when it came to my…unique requests? But… Then again… I guess he liked whatever result occurred. At least he never complained.

I got a text message from Allie in the afternoon to let me know that my nail appointment was for three on Tuesday and that she also found the perfect shawl at Bergdorf’s. Leave it to Allie to come up with just what is needed at the right time. Although I must say that a three o’clock appointment did make things a bit tight. I had to be at the restaurant by six to meet Peter.

Whilst I could dress and be ready for a night out in about an hour or so…that’s from into the shower to the front door…I always liked to take a bit of extra time when a special occasion was involved such as tonight. Everything had to be perfect. It’s kind of like doing a painting. I would sometimes take as long as twenty minutes just to do my eyes.

Once I was home I anxiously awaited the arrival of Allie and my new shawl. I was nervous, to say the least. Tomorrow evening was to be a huge evening for more than just acquiring new business. There was this whole thing with Peter and I felt that I would have to decide that by the New Year.

After all, I was attending his party with Allie and that would be a whole other situation to contend with. I mean I couldn’t very well go with her and stay with someone else. And how would Peter feel if I didn’t stay after spending the evening with him tomorrow…if that even occurred?

I’m sure Allie would never forgive me if I had to uninvited her, and I really didn’t want her to spend New Year’s Eve alone. That wouldn’t be fair especially if she rejected other offers to party. It was all so very confusing to me; making a choice.

I was too wound up to work in the studio so I did the next best thing. I went into the kitchen and began to prepare something for us to eat. I was becoming somewhat adept in the kitchen and I discovered that I was able to take the barest of ingredients and come up with something that, if nothing else, could be spread across some bread. And, on more than a mere rare occasion, I could actually prepare a very good meal.

Sometime between caramelizing the onions and adding the finely sliced garlic to the olive oil the realization of a major league truth struck me in the head like a cement truck going full speed into a steel wall! Peter was going to be enamored with me tonight, tomorrow, next week and next month. I sensed nothing less. And in reality I encouraged nothing less. It wasn’t as though I was going out of my way to keep him stringing along. But I really did nothing to discourage him either.

I was being rather selfish and very unfair toward Peter. I realize that now but…what do they say…whoever the hell ‘they’ are…hindsight is twenty-twenty? Now all I really needed to do was to concentrate my efforts on Allie. I could deal with the guilt over Peter later.

A huge smile became affixed to my face and the heavy weight of indecision and anxiety lifted off my narrow shoulders just as the breaded veal cutlets hit the pan and Allie walked through the door.

“Oh my God!!! Something smells wonderful!”

I could feel as well as hear her smile as she entered the kitchen to drop her purse and bag on the counter along the wall.

“Somebody went all out tonight.”

Her voice lilted like a familiar aire as she came over and put her arms around me in greeting. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of her face against my neck.

“Mmmm… I guess I felt creative tonight.” I smiled as she turned to see what was cooking in the covered pot.

“Well… It sounds like someone’s in a good mood…for a change.” She laughed.

I must admit I had been moody since Peter told me about the dinner.

“Yeah… Well… I came to a decision today. I’m not going to sleep with Peter tomorrow night.”

“Oh my God…! Really…? And I went to all the trouble of finding just the perfect shawl for you.”

Allie went to her hobo bag and retrieved a box with the Bergdorf logo on it. She popped off the ribbon and then the top to remove a gorgeous metallic silver shawl. She then folded it perfectly into a stole so that I could see the effect.

“Oh my God…! It’s gorgeous!”

I reached out to touch the material. It was very lustrous and as a stole it was wide enough to obscure the parts…in question?

“I have to try this on!”

“Wait until after we eat. Anyway, since you’re not going to sleep with him, why bother? I mean, it is a lot of trouble to go through.” Allie picked at one of the baby asparagus steaming in a spiced concoction of water, lemon, and mixed peppercorns.

“You of all people…” I laughed. “…should ask such a thing?”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t walk out that door unless you look…” I couldn’t think of a word strong enough. “…amazing. And you always do look really amazing.”

Allie grasped my hand as she smiled and blushed candy pink.

Allie might have grown somewhat inure to my compliments. But I am also sure that she was truly beginning to believe the things I would say. It’s not like I was fabricating anything. It’s just that I know from my own experience hearing negative poopie shit about oneself year after year, especially during one’s formative years, takes a long time to come to terms with.

We spoke about different things as we ate but I must admit that my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking about when and where I was going to make my intentions known to Allie. I truly must confess that fear was my biggest enemy.

I was so frightened about what I felt toward her. The emotions I felt toward her were so very powerful and pervasive. My fear and nervousness was equally as paralyzing with Peter. But at least with Peter there was a familiarity of gender and sexuality that was ever so slightly stronger than my fear of rejection and failure?

And of course I was able to at least ‘perform’ semi-adequately twice…with two different guys! And I must admit the experience was…pleasurable and mildly positive although not totally fulfilling

And what if she said ‘yes’? Then what…? I had no idea of what to do. I mean I had a very rough idea; but it’s one thing to boil and egg and quite another to make a quiche. With Allie, I wasn’t sure I could even ‘boil an egg’ and I so badly wanted to connect with her on so many different levels all at once.

That in itself was a mystery to me. I’ve know people who were girls and I’ve had associations with girls but this was something so totally different for me. I’d never felt such a strong and almost overwhelming desire…a strong and overwhelming physical desire…to be with a woman. I felt this was the only way to complete everything she’d become to me.

After dining and sorting out the dishes and cookware, I rushed to my bedroom to don the dress and shoes once again. I really wanted to try on the shawl and see what look would work the best. I tried it as a stole in the manner that Allie had originally folded it. Though it was okay, it did have that…ecumenical look? Then I tried a diagonal fold. That really didn’t work.

Finally I tried a single fold along the length. The width was now enough to cover me from my neck to several inched down my arm. Though it did obscure the lovely simplicity of the garment’s lines, my lack of enough boobage to properly fill the décolletage would not really be noticed. Another advantage to wearing the shawl in this manner is that it would also provide some protection against any chill within the restaurant.

Although neither of us was totally thrilled with this quick fix, we agreed that it would do. What would have worked nicely is a blazer in a matching cream color. We also agreed that this dress was totally uber cool and I would definitely make great use of it once I…once I grew out a little more?

Tuesday was a manic day for me. I didn’t sleep all that well to begin with. The evening was on my mind. The crispness of the morning air in my room certainly was the cold slap in the face I needed to at least become awake enough to begin my toiletries after fetching a cup of Allie’s wonderful coffee.

I managed to dry myself, do my face, dress, and finish my coffee all within one half hour. Now that is some kind of record. I rushed into the kitchen to try and have a second cup whilst coordinating my day with Allie. I knew it would take at least an hour to do my nails and Allie had sworn a ‘blood oath’ to do my makeup. With an appointment at three and allowing for whatever delays might occur, Allie would meet me here at four thirty.

I would need to wash and style my hair and dress before Allie could begin. I had full faith in her ability to affect the look I wanted. This had gone far beyond simply looking the part of the temptress for Peter.

I truly wanted to be the hottest looking individual in that restaurant. And I wanted to be that simply because I really thought I could. If it was within my powers, I would have wanted to be the hottest looking person in Manhattan! I was going to take my little performance art piece further than I ever had before.

“By the way, we have an appointment at that spa on Thursday.” Allie sipped her coffee and read a letter as she informed me.

“What?” I had completely forgotten about Jill’s wonderful gift!

“We’ll take the day.” Allie turned toward me. “Trust me, this is something that doesn’t come along very often and you do want to look and feel your absolute best for Peter’s party.” Allie giggled.

“Yeah… If I can get the time off…”

From the look on Allie’s face I knew I was a bit snarky in the tone of my reply.

I was slightly annoyed at Allie’s attitude. Well… Actually… I was slightly annoyed at myself more than at Allie. I was so busy getting wound up about tonight that I forgot about the main event! I quickly went to Allie and hugged her, burying my face in her neck.

“I’m sorry.” I said bringing my face up to meet hers. “I’m just so nervous about tonight.” I stepped back and picked up my coffee.

“It’s okay. I do understand. I also know that if it was me…? I’d rather be just about anywhere else.” She reached over and held my arm for a moment. “But if you want to really know something?” Allie gazed at me with excitement in her eyes. “You are going to be the evening because you are going to look so…so killer!” She laughed.

I thought about what she said all the way to the office. The streets were a mess so I took a cab. I could’ve walked there faster between the traffic and the mess of the melting snow. When I finally arrived, I found Rhona in her usual place with my coffee mug sitting in its usual spot opposite hers on her desk.

After depositing my things at my work station, I came back to sit and join Rhona for our usual morning ritual. From the moment I sat down I began to unload on poor Rhona. Every fear and insecurity and fault and frailty I could possibly think of was laid out for her to see. I began with my nose, of course. She patiently listened with an understanding smile on her face.

“Maybe you should switch to decaf?” Rhona said with a chuckle.

“Rhona…!!! Please…!!!”

Okay… So I was whining and maybe even close to tears. I really didn’t know what she could tell me to make me feel better but I had to at least vent a little? Rhona reached across and grasped my hand.

“Oh sweetie…is life moving too fast for you?” She smiled that maternal smile of hers. “Listen Andi… You’re way ahead of everyone’s game so I really wouldn’t worry one bit. Peter thinks you walk on water and he wouldn’t ask anything of you that he didn’t think you could handle. Trust me on that. He has to sit on these other characters…” Rhona nodded toward the other artists. “But he seems to leave you alone so go with it and enjoy.”

“Well…what about tonight? I mean it’s really a sales thingy. I’m not that good at that sort of thing.”

Rhona laughed and smiled maternally at me.

“Listen honey…I’m sure Peter would simply love…” She emphasized love. “…to have dinner with you on any night. But I know for a fact that the client wanted to meet the chief artist and that happens to be you.”

She touched my nose gently with her finger when she said ‘you’.

We spoke for a while longer and Rhona managed to calm me down enough to at least be able to think clearly about the day. Peter walked in and burst into laughter at seeing us doing our usual morning thing.

“Peter… You have this poor child so wound up and upset over this dinner thing. Tell her…” This was the very first time Rhona addressed me as ‘her’ that I could remember. “…that it’s no big deal and that it’s a very normal thing.”

Peter gazed at me, took a deep breath, and with his index figure signaled me to follow him as he started for his office. I grabbed his mug of coffee, my own, and off I went in his wake as he strode purposefully down the hallway.

“You know…” Peter began to speak before he even removed his coat. “You present some very interesting challenges around here.”

“What…?” What…! What challenges…? Peter sat down at his desk and took a sip of his coffee.

“Well…for one thing…Rhona thinks of you as a woman.” I was about to say something when Peter continued. “And so do the birds in the cage.” He refers to the other artists as the ‘birds in the cage’. “It’s becoming…interesting when I have to explain why Andrew doesn’t seem to exist and I am continually asked; ‘who’s Andi?’”

“Oh my God…! I am so sorry…”

“But…” Peter held up his hand to stop me from continuing.

“Fortunately, the boss, ole’ John Parker, doesn’t care if one comes into work naked with feathers in one’s hair as long as one produces. And you do produce. He was tickled pink with your work and I am as well. But…”

Peter leaned forward and placed his elbows on his desk, his amazing blue eyes as intense as I’d ever seen them.

“Just like everything else in this world…that was yesterday. Now they want to know what we’re going to do for them today.”

I was beginning to become just a bit upset and I felt myself slightly trembling. I had no idea of where Peter was going with this…this line of talk. On the one hand he made it seem that my mode of dress was being problematic and on the other hand it didn’t matter as long as our work was bringing in money. For some reason unknown to me at the time, I decided to meet this challenge head on.

“What would you like me to do for them today?” I giggled more from nervousness than any other specific thing.

This was normally when Peter leaned back in his chair and interlaced his fingers behind his head. But he didn’t do that. Obviously he was having some kind of trouble asking me to do something. Indeed he even looked a bit uncomfortable. I leaned forward and placed my hand upon his.

“Peter… I’d like to think that we are friends? You can tell me whatever is on your mind.”

I sincerely meant what I said and Peter breathed a sigh of relief.

“It would be helpful this evening if you wore…” He cleared his throat. “…a dress or a skirt?”

“What?” I giggled. Was Peter actually asking me to…femme up? “You want me to femme up?” Peter blushed a vivid shade of cranberry.

“The couple tonight…? Well… They have some rather…interesting views and the husband believes that women should…dress like women?”

“But…” I laughed.

“I don’t even want to go there Andi. But if you’re going to dress as you always do, and I must admit you usually look amazing, please wear a skirt or a dress tonight. If you don’t have one, then please leave earlier and buy one. Give me the receipt and I’ll make sure you’re reimbursed, okay?”

“Oh…” I tried to sound ‘as a matter of fact’. “I think I can throw something together…for the company of course.” I laughed and so did Peter.

“Oh… For the company… Of course…!” Peter said as he smiled quite benignly.

Having been on three dates in my life prior to graduation from college, I have found several things to be true. First of all, the dater generally will not spend one penny more than is necessary to get laid, or blown, or both. Secondly, having been the datee on all three occasions I can truly say that the dater will never dress in anything that can’t be shed in a split second. Or… Nothing is worn that might deter from getting laid, or blown, or both.

So you might ask…what does that have to do with anything? Well… Now I was thrust into a far more elaborate and sophisticated world where how you looked and what you ate and who you were seen with was somehow more important than whether you got laid, blown, or both. This meant that more time needed to be spent on the preparation for the date then the amount of time the date might actually last.

Now whilst Peter’s invitation to dinner certainly didn’t qualify as a date, I certainly couldn’t afford to see it as anything less in terms of preparing for it. I had to look absolutely smashing even though a late night of carnal pleasure was not at stake. And the only reason I had to do this…to look so incredible…was simple. It was for me. If I could look that good, then I needed to look that good.

My preparation began a good three hours prior to the dinner and it began with the manicure. I wanted my nails to sparkle and flash as the light caught them in movement. Whether it was reaching for my wine glass, bringing my napkin to my lips, or simply gesturing as I spoke, I wanted them to glisten.

If someone glanced at a manicured hand and followed its motion, then that gazer’s glance would inevitably be led to the attached face. After all, one doesn’t simply tend to a single part of one’s physical being without spending equal time on the rest.

My nails took fully one hour to be done to my satisfaction. I chose a shade of very dark dramatic red…close to magenta. I purchased the matching lipstick, lip gloss, and a suitable blush as well. The color from the hands leads to the colors on the face and vice versa.

There is a magic that can be spun if one is perceptive enough and I was going to practice this magic tonight. My hands would entice and guide the way. I had watched women do this often. They were usually upscale people and I would become mesmerized as I watched them practice this…this witchcraft with their elegantly done hands on unsuspecting men.

Nails done as mine had been never dry quickly. It always takes an hour or two or more to fully dry. As long as you can smell the polish, it is still in the drying process. So for the next hour or more I would need to be extra cautious not to ruin the look.

I hurried home from the salon and immediately assembled everything I would be wearing from my panty and bra with forms to the thigh high seer black stockings to the dress and shoes. I had been practicing walking in the shoes over the past two days and I managed to master…or should that be mistress…hmmm…the technique. The experience of suddenly being an extra two and one half inches taller was quite interesting.

After gathering everything I would be wearing, save the jewelry, I went to shower and wash my hair. I felt myself in a mode of sorts. I suppose this was quite similar to an athlete preparing for a game. The uniform all arranged and the mindset being acquired as the preparation continued.

After finishing in the shower, I wrapped a towel around my body and another around my hair. I stood before the mirror and kept thinking to myself; ‘Self? You’re going to be the hottest hottie in the restaurant tonight!’ I continued to stare at myself as I slowly removed the towel from my body.

I closely examined myself; especially the area that was to be the site of my ‘new’ impending boobs. I was sure there was a bit more of something than yesterday. I don’t know…some more elevation maybe? My nipples itched incessantly these days. It was all I could do to keep from scratching them.

I wiped the remaining few drops of water from my legs and went into the bedroom to put on my panty and thigh highs. I was undecided about the bra. Though the straps were spaghetti thin, they still could be seen. I had fashion forms but then my breast forms would need to be glued onto me and the form onto them. Or…I could simply wear the pinned version of the dress. No matter what way I chose to fill out the dress, I would wear the shawl so it was merely a question of what would look the best and most natural without giving away my little secret.

I knew how I wanted my hair to appear and that was slicked straight back. That was nothing a little bit of mousse or gel couldn’t handle. I wanted sleek, chic, and somewhat unique look…at least for me. I mean, this was the first time I would be wearing a dress in public…indeed very public and I wanted to be a totally fire engine red hot looking hottie. I thought that if the totality of the ‘package’ was complete, then any of the parts that might fall out of sync for the moment would definitely go unnoticed.

“Hi dear… I’m home.” I heard Allie sing out with a chuckle as she entered the apartment.

“I’m in my bedroom.” I shouted back to her, mimicking her lilting tones.

Her timing couldn’t have been better. I had to giggle at the Middle American theme that ran through my head at our exchange. We sounded so very bourgeois. I could vaguely hear Allie enter the kitchen to do her daily ritual of dropping her shoulder bag and purse, depositing her coat over one of the stools and opening the fridge to retrieve something to sip on. I heard her footsteps as she approached my room.

As she framed my doorway I instinctively put my hands up to cover my impending boobs. Allie giggled.

“You’ve really got nothing to hide from me sweet heart.”

She laughed as she took a sip of the golden liquid in her glass and strode into my room. Allie looked at the array of things spread out across my bed and, after taking another sip and then handing the glass to me, quickly surmised the situation.

“Well…” She said with her arms crossed and exhaling a deep breath without even a glance toward me. “…let’s get them glued on and then see where we stand.”

I nodded, took a healthy sip of Allie’s wine, and got on my back on the bed. Allie slipped out and to her studio where she just happened to keep all the house glues. I must say one thing about that dear soul, she had a place for everything and everything was definitely in its place. She brought the solvent in with the glue in the event of misplacement.

Sitting down on the bed next to me Allie looked at my…chest? On my back with the light on I could definitely see that something was growing, taking form and shape, beneath my nipples. Allie could see this as well and she gently pressed her fingers around each nipple on both sides of my chest. She was examining what was occurring with more than a passing interest.

“Do they ache?”

‘They’…? Allie’s serious gaze prompted me to refrain from a more…frivolous answer?

“Only when I’m awake.” I giggled. I couldn’t resist being just a bit silly. “But Motrin and I have become really good friends.”

“Well…” Allie sighed. “If we glue these on, you’ll definitely need to wear a bra. Just the weight pulling against your skin will cause them to ache even more.”

I hadn’t thought of that at all. During the day, when I normally wore the forms, I always had a bra on and they’ve rarely been glued. The aching has been going on for only a few weeks and I’d more or less become somewhat inured to it. But the idea of wearing a bra with the dress didn’t exactly appeal to me because the dress straps were so slender.

“I have some very narrow double sided tape I use for just this purpose. We can tape the bra and dress straps together and with the shawl…well…you don’t have to worry about the back.” Allie to the rescue…yet again!!! She suddenly lifted my hand and looked at my nails. “Oh my God!!! I love this color. Do you have the lipstick to match?” Her excitement was real and so strong that I could feel it.

“Yeah…and the gloss and the liner and the blush as well...” I laughed.

“God…! They really did a job on you. But it’ll be worth it when I’m done with you.”

Allie took her time with the placement and gluing of my breast forms. The look of concentration upon her face reminded me for when she was throwing at her wheel. Every bit of her being was totally fixed upon this task as though it was a work of art. Of course one could have said that in reality she was merely the little girl playing with her living Barbie doll. Perhaps there was truth in both thoughts.

The weight of the breast forms did cause a bit of aching. I had never really worn them in a reclining position before. And when the glue had set and I sat up, the dull aching became a bit sharper and more distracting.

With Allie’s assistance, I put on my bra with the thinnest straps and, thankfully, the support helped alleviate some of the soreness. I slipped the dress over my head and once again relished the sensation of the silk lining gliding down along my body until I felt the straps alit onto my shoulders.

Allie zipped me up and went to get her magic tape. I stood and looked at myself for at least the umpteenth time in the mirror. I have to say that I was in love with the image that reflected back at me. Once I put the heels on I had to seriously reconsider the entire dress and skirt aversion. Even to this day I’m not totally sure of why I had waited so long to put one on.

Perhaps, somewhere in the deepest recesses of my consciousness, putting on a dress or a skirt crossed the line of effeminacy that would label me a ‘wannabe’ rather than a man who simply saw his own image in a particular manner. But now, as I turned this way and that, also for the umpteenth time, I realized that perhaps my vision had been expanded? Or perhaps I’d simply matured in the fashion of a teenager and suddenly found myself in the midst of adulthood?

Allie returned and giggled as she saw me pirouetting in front of the mirror much in the same manner as she must have done ten thousand times over the course of her life. She patiently taped the straps at the front of the dress up to my shoulders so that the bra straps couldn’t easily be seen. The shawl would do the rest. The only way I would have looked better is if I went braless and the boobs were really my own. I smiled with the knowledge that soon they would be.

“Okay hon… The only thing left is your makeup and I think we’ll go for the ‘Vogue cover girl’ look. Let’s go into the kitchen to do this. I don’t want you to be looking in the mirror every two seconds to see yourself.” Allie smirked…but it was a knowing and friendly smirk.

There were several things that brought the artist out that lurked inside Allie. Put a camera in her hands and everything was about light and angles. Put some clay in her hands and form became her entire world. Even when we when shopping, her eye was always working toward color, shape and form. Now, put a cosmetic brush in her hand and her artistic sensibilities rivaled, if not exceeded, my own.

It was her vision of me. She could see the possibilities. In some way, that’s what art is all about; taking the ordinary and seeing other possibilities. For sure I had that vision. We even seemed to have similar visions because we rarely argued about things when we worked together. Because there is rarely a right or wrong when envisioning an idea, she was open enough to allow me to try something she might not have totally agreed upon, or even liked initially.

I guess we trusted each other…completely. I trusted Peter and he certainly trusted me but we definitely had a wide gap in terms of visions. Peter had a tremendous amount of artistic sensibility but really not much vision at all. In other words, he knew when a project was there but he had no idea how to really get there. Allie not only knew how to get there but she could even come up with one or two ways that differed from mine.

Anytime an artist takes the advice of another person, that artist is putting his, or her, spiritual soul in other hands. I had almost no fear of doing that with Allie. Therefore, when it came to doing my face, I didn’t hesitate one moment to agree. We had sat down to discuss this project just as we would any other joint project. I had certain expectations as far as the ‘look’ went and she understood the overall affect I wanted.

I sat on a stool in the kitchen as Allie went to get her makeup kits. She had two good sized plastic tool boxes with those swing up and out trays that were filled to the brim with different beauty products. Allie loved the holiday cosmetic kits that always came with other offers. She would purchase them and then decant the various little color pots into her own little palette boxes.

Allie also had an impressive assortment of fine brushes and sponges and balls of cotton and swabs and any sort of tool or implement one could possibly need for application. She had told me that when in her early teens she would sit in front of the mirror and simply play with the colors.

After trying a particular combination, she would notate what went into it and she developed a notebook full of different looks as well as a smear of the particular colors so that if they were discontinued she could attempt to find something similar by another company.

Step one was always the towel to cover one’s shoulders and dress. There was no sense in having your eye shadow on you bust line. Allie also liked to have her hair done so that the light and shadow on one’s face would be relatively the same regardless of where one might be.

So my hair was moussed and combed straight back although I tried not to have in lay completely flat. I gave in just a touch of body on the sides. My face was already way thin and I knew that this wasn’t the most flattering style but I wanted ‘sleek’ and a modified wedge didn’t go quite far enough.

Allie, the true artist, wanted to start with a completely blank canvass. She decided to start with something I had never put on my face before; a foundation. Going several shades lighter than my already pale completion, Allie applied a moisturizing cream with a sponge and very patiently let it soak in. Then came the primer. Upon covering my face to her satisfaction, she then applied the foundation.

I must say that being unable to feel one’s face in a usual manner was quite disconcerting…to say the very least. I had always been told I had such an amazingly flawless completion, complete with miniscule pores and porcelain skin. But Allie wanted a perfectly uniform ‘canvass’ without those tiny blue veins showing. She also wanted to do away with any light shining off my face and she wanted a base that she could really set subtle coloration onto. And who was I to argue anyway?

Allie toiled as any mistress of an art would. She had set up small cups of water in the event of choosing a water soluble eye shadow. She had baby bottom soft tissues to correct any missed stroke of her brush or swab. She even took a break after about ten minutes to pour us both a bit of wine and take a breath.

Allie began again after our five minutes to relax. To be honest, I don’t know how fashion models, or actresses, can put up with extended makeup sessions. Our session wasn’t really all that long in comparison but nearly twenty minutes seemed like a lifetime.

In truth most of that time was spent doing my eyes. I wanted that smoky eyed look but I hadn’t acquired the skills to do it very well. Allie helped me with my look from time to time but it was mostly with my day face. The night look, especially one as sophisticated as a smoky eyed look, was really never broached. I attempted nothing more than a simple extra application of eye shadow, a bit more blush and a darker shade of lipstick.

But now we’re going all out. Allie put some translucent powder just under my eyes to catch any falling shadow residue. Then…‘look this way…and that…look up…look down…blink…don’t blink…freeze! It was a kind of choreographed pas de deux. After a short time I could almost anticipate what move would be required of me next. Allie worked slowly and patiently as she explained exactly what she was doing and how she was doing it. Of course most of it slipped by as I tried to maintain my position as she worked.

By the time we got to my lips, I felt as though I had a face upon my face. It was not so much the thickness or the heaviness of Allie’s application as much as the alien substances themselves. I had never used a foundation or the setting powders or sprays. I had only on very rare occasions used a concealer. Three coats of mascara were a bit much. And although the eye shadows were weightless, just the knowledge that they were there weighed heavily.

I failed to purchase a lip liner or ‘plumper’? But Allie came to the rescue with her never-ending palette of colors and plumpers. Then, of course, just one coating of the lipstick wouldn’t do. There has to be two with blotting in between and a tinted gloss on top.

“Twenty-four hours…?” She said. “Okay…maybe with heavy wear you’ll get six. Be sure to check yourself after dinner before coffee and dessert. One day we’ll need to play with some lip stains.”

I nodded as Allie moved on to the gloss. A quick smacking of the lips and we were done. Allie stood back and gazed very intensely at me.

“Oh… My God…!”

Allie looked at me with an expression of…well…I’m not really sure what. In truth I had never seen that expression before. I felt that the sum of my parts wasn’t good enough to equal the whole. I hopped off the stool and ran…well…I was in heels so I walked quickly to the mirror in my room. Allie followed after me.

When I looked into the mirror I was shocked, stunned, and otherwise, shaken AND stirred! I didn’t recognize myself…at all! Staring back at me in mirrored disbelief was a woman who looked…well…amazing! Somehow, with her great skill at makeup and her knowledge of cosmetics, Allie had managed to tread that fine line between looking like a high priced whore and a high priced fashion model…on a Vogue cover no less.

“Oh my God…!” Those were the only words I could get out. “Is that really me?”

“You look amazing.” Allie giggled as she grabbed the silver scarf and draped it around my shoulders.

“Peter is not going to believe this.” I couldn’t tear my eyes off my reflected image.

“Peter is likely to decide that you’re too femme for him.” Allie laughed as she turned and rushed towards the door. “We’ve got to get some pix.”

I turned back to the mirror and began to turn my head this way and that in an attempt to absorb the visage before me. As my vision drifted to a fuller image of myself; coiffed, manicured, styled, and in au couture, Allie returned with her cameras and lenses and an ear to ear grin.

“I think I should have gone for the sandals.”

I said as I turned toward her only to be met by a flash from her camera.

“No… I think you’ll get more use out of the pumps. Plus which… They’re easier to kick off when you’re dancing.” Allie giggled as she raised the camera and I gave her a big smile as the flash went off again.

Allie had a great old time having me pose in different positions. Now she’s Scavullo and next she’s Newton and then Avedon. She’s doing covers and spreads and whatever else comes to mind.

Now I have seen, and looked through fashion magazines and I have admired many of the photographers enough to procure the use of whatever collections they happened to have published in book format so I knew the ‘look’ Allie would want. We did a few in my studio where I have several backdrops to shoot against.

There was absolutely nothing to indicate that someone named Andrew lurked beneath the façade of finery and color. My performance art flag had been hoisted to an entirely new level.

I entered the restaurant and checked my coat. Grasping my clutch purse tightly in one hand and my shawl ends in the other, I walked as gracefully as I could, fighting my nervousness with all of my strength, into the bar and grill area.

As I glanced around the room I noticed that nearly every man, and more than a few women, turned to gaze at me…although stared would have been a better way of saying it. In fact I might even hazard ogled? I smiled as I turned and walked out and headed into the restaurant area.

The ambience of the place was perfect. It was dimly lighted and quite intimate. There were candles on every table and all of the waiters and servers were attired almost formally. I was met by the maître de and I told him I was dining with Peter and two others. He smiled, nodded and acknowledged Peter as ‘Mister Peter’ in some European accent I couldn’t quite place as he ushered me to an area behind a frosted etched glass partition.

I rounded the corner a step or two behind the maître de and saw Peter at a table with another man and a woman. Peter was speaking to the man and, when he turned his head and gazed at me approaching, he seemed to stop in mid-sentence. There was absolutely no recognition of me in his expression other than to gaze at me and smile. The man, on the other hand, didn’t gaze at all. He definitely leered!

“Good evening.” I said as I walked up to the chair the maître de held away from the table for me. “I am so sorry I’m late.” I said as I smiled modestly and sat down.

“Andi…?”

Peter said with a note of surprise in his voice. But Peter did recover quickly. “Andi…this is Bill and Susan Phillips of Scoville Industries.”

I offered my hand to Bill and he shook it quite gently as he smiled. He held it a bit too long as I greeted him. Then I turned toward Susan and she took my hand for only a moment and smiled all too briefly. She evidently wasn’t thrilled at Bill’s seeming attention toward me.

“Would you like something to drink?” Peter asked as he covered my hand with his.

“A white wine would be nice.” I smiled.

“Are you old enough to drink?” Bill asked with a concerned look on his face.

“Oh Bill…” Susan had an exasperated sound to her voice as she rolled her eyes and looked away from him. “…give it a rest.” Susan looked at me. “How old are you anyway honey?”

“I’m twenty one…almost.”

I found it curious that she should ask. From her exchange with Bill I thought that she wouldn’t care. I mean… She shut him down right quickly.

“You seem rather young to be Peter’s chief artist…is it?” She smiled politely at me and turned to look at Peter.

I felt slightly embarrassed.

“Andi is quite gifted I assure you.” Peter was very quick to reply. “Not only has Andi spear headed a major campaign for us, but she has also had a very successful showing at a major gallery only last month.”

I was quite gratified that Peter came to my…rescue so quickly…and ardently? And he addressed me as…‘she’?

A glass of white wine arrived promptly and I quickly took a sip.

“Is it good?”

Susan asked with a smile. I nodded my head and smiled back.

“Mind if I have a taste?”

“No…not at all.” I giggled as I handed her my glass.

This gave me the opportunity to glance at her for more than a moment. Susan was cute…for an older woman. I guessed she had to be at least thirty…five maybe? Peter mentioned she had three children. Actually two were very young and the youngest was only a few months old? She definitely looked good.

Susan’s long chestnut hair was natural and styled. Her aquamarine eyes were quite lovely and piercing. Although she appeared to be a bit tired, I could feel the energy she might be capable of. Her nails were exquisitely done and her look, though simple, was very elegant. Susan wore an obviously expensive maroon colored Merino wool strapless dress. Her earlobes bore the weight of diamond drop earrings and she had a diamond bracelet to match.

“Mmmm… This is quite nice.”

Susan handed the glass back to me. She then turned to Bill.

“I think I would like one of those.”

“But dear… You’re nursing.” He said with a surprised look upon his face.

“Really…!” She replied as she rolled her eyes and gave him a faux surprised look. “Don’t you think I know that?” She snapped at him. “Just order me the God damned wine.”

She spoke as if it was a dismissal and turned back to me with a smile.

“He thinks he knows everything.” She said to me in almost an apologetic way.

Peter gently patted my knee beneath the table. I looked at him and he smiled in almost a paternal manner. It was his way of letting me know to stay cool and calm. A server suddenly came over and placed small hor d’ourve plates in front of us.

“I took the liberty or ordering something for you. If you don’t like it we can get you something else.” Peter smiled as he spoke. “You do like shrimp I hope?”

“I love shrimp. I’m sure whatever you ordered will be perfect.” I covered his hand with mine.

And thus our business dinner began. Bill, after explaining to Peter and me, how he found salvation, continued to lecture as we ate. Susan would roll her eyes every so often causing me to giggle. This, of course, only caused her to become more…well…not disruptive but…more critical of Bill’s topic of conversation.

She made funny faces and mimicked him in a steady stream. At one point she leaned closer to me and spoke to me in a voice just loud enough for Bill to hear.

“You know…he was…not all that long ago…a great fuck. But now…? Well… He’s married to God.” She snickered but then turned serious. “Of course you know that leaves me with some excellent opportunities for personal discovery.” Susan laughed.

I was somewhat shocked but I did giggled when she winked at me, as if to say; ‘I know he heard that’.

“So… Andi… Tell me about yourself. How do you like working for Peter?”

I wasn’t sure whether Susan was simply trying to make conversation or if she was trying to determine whether Peter and I were…‘a thing’. I answered her simply and honestly. I asked Peter for a pen or a pencil and I began to draw upon my linen napkin as she and I spoke.

Susan was actually quite nice and very bright. She was reasonably well versed in art and in advertising. I was somewhat surprised that she wasn’t the one speaking with Peter. As our main courses arrived, two separate and distinct conversations were happening at the table. Peter was stuck being bored…I know that look…with Bill. Susan and I were having a great time as she began telling me about her life and her children.

Susan was quite surprised at how much she adored motherhood and having children. She never expected that to happen to her…of all people. Susan envisioned herself having a corporate life and life style and perhaps, after achieving a ranking executive position, she might take a few months off the have a family.

But after the first child was born, when she was thirty one, she couldn’t wait to have another, and another. Susan couldn’t wait to get pregnant again. But she stated that with a great deal of not very concealed reservation in her voice.

“I’m just not sure with who…yet.” She snickered knowing that Bill probably overheard her.

I had just finished my little drawing. It was a caricature of Susan and Bill. Susan had a scowl on her face and a touch of anger in her rolling eyes as Bill was wildly smiling and wildly moving his arms as he obviously spoke. I giggled as I handed the napkin to her.

“Is it something like this?” I said.

Susan burst out laughing.

“Yes…! You might say so.” Still laughing she leaned in toward me again. “May I keep this?” Her eyes were alive for the first time during the evening.

“Yes…of course.”

“Thanks…that’s very sweet of you. I think I might frame it.”

She looked at it for another moment or two and then carefully folded it and tucked it away into her purse.

As Susan tucked the napkin away I noticed that although her dress was a darker shade of maroon, two small, even darker, spots began to appear upon the front over her breasts. The main course was finished and menus were placed for dessert. The time was opportune for a ladies lounge trip. I grabbed my clutch and turned toward Peter and Bill.

“If you will please excuse me for a moment or two?”

I smiled shyly and began to get up. Both men stood and Peter assisted me with my chair. I looked over toward Susan and rolled my eyes away from the table. She immediately understood and began to get up as well. Bill hurriedly tried to assist her but she was way too fast and stood before he could even grasp her chair. She looked at him and laughed.

“A little too late… As usual…?” Susan spoke as she walked to my side and smiled. “That’s the trouble with men.”

She chuckled and looked for the proper direction to walk. I linked my arm with hers and whispered in her ear.

“I think you’re…leaking?”

I briefly lowered my eyes to her dress and the two tiny dark spots. I took my shawl and draped it across her shoulders to cover the wet spots on her dress.

“Oh shit…!” Susan pulled out one side of her dress with her fingertips, frowned, and turned to me. “I can’t tell you how often this happens. Thank you so much for letting me know. I do appreciate your discretion.” She grasped the shawl ends to further cover her…situation?

I stopped one of the waiters and he graciously led us to the door. The lounge was as elegantly appointed as the restaurant with a settee against one wall facing another wall of mirrors with a shelf and stools beneath. We walked into the lavatory area and Susan went straight to a handicapped stall. She entered and, before the door swung shut, motioned for me to join her as she returned the shawl.

“I hope you’re not as shy as you appear because I will definitely need your help beginning with this.”

Susan turned around and I instantly knew she needed my help getting the top of her dress down. I undid the tiny hook and eye and then carefully unzipped the back of her dress. The wool was so very soft and luxurious. As I helped Susan get free I couldn’t help but think that I definitely needed something in this material.

“I love your dress. The wool feels…so…amazing!”

Susan turned her head and looked at me with a smile as she pulled down the cups of her strapless bra.

“Thanks... I love your little number. Wish I could wear something like that. But these days I seem to be all boobs, belly, and butt.” Susan laughed and turned back to the matter at hand. “I would be falling out of places your dress doesn’t even have.”

I thought of how much Susan’s body was like Allie’s only Susan had less in the belly and butt department and way more in the boob area. Still Susan was far from being…well…overdone with too much…bounty?

“Yeah… But there are so many other things you can wear that would accent the amazing curves you do have. I wish I had your body.”

“You can.” She laughed as she removed two circular cotton pads from her bra cup, brought them to the sink. “…just have a few kids and continue to nurse them. Watch this…”

Susan motioned for me to join her at the sink. She wrung out the pads which were saturated with milk. I gazed in amazement at her boobs. They were huge and lined with thick blue veins. Her nipples were enormous and leaking most profusely.

“Oh my God…! That is so amazing…!” I said.

I was totally shocked and stunned. I had never seen a woman lactate before. I felt myself begin to tremble because…well…this was like a natural miracle! Susan looked at me, my wide eyed expression, and laughed.

“What do you think we have tits for anyway…simply to attract men?” She smiled at me as she laughed.

“No…it’s just that I’ve never seen that before.”

“Really…! Well…” Susan walked to the sink. “Watch this...”

She laughed as she began to express milk into the sink. She held her breast and gently squeezed her nipple and a long steady and somewhat forceful stream shot out and into the sink. This had to be one of the most amazing things I’d ever seen!

“Oh my God…! That is like the greatest…ever!”

“Well…have you ever tasted it? I mean you were breast fed, weren’t you?”

“I don’t know.” I responded sadly.

I had so few memories of doing anything nurturing with my mother kind of saddened me.

“Come over here and open your mouth. You really have to taste this.”

“You’re kidding.” I was stunned.

“No… Come over here now.”

The commanding sound of her voice belied her warm smile. I walked to the other side of the sink and stood facing Susan. I couldn’t believe I was going to taste her breast milk.

“Okay…I’m going to start a stream from my other tit so all you have to do is catch it in your mouth. I have to relieve some of the pressure anyway so it might as well go to some good use.”

Susan laughed as she hefted her other breast and began to massage it. She began to squeeze just behind her nipple and a few drops came out. She did it twice more and suddenly a stream began. She squeezed her breast slightly.

“Now honey… Now…!”

And I leaned in and let the milk shoot into my mouth. It was quite warm and very sweet; almost like a dessert. I back away slightly so swallow and then leaned in again. I couldn’t believe how long Susan was able to keep that little stream going but the milk was too good not to have at least another taste. Anyway that might have been my only chance in life to try it.

The stream suddenly stopped and I swallowed my last mouthful. Oh my God! I had to do something with this. The images that ran through my mind were too intense not to produce something. Susan continued to express her milk with a second and then a third stream.

“Would you like to pose for me?”

I don’t know where that came from. Well… I knew but the words simply tumbled out of my mouth. Susan laughed.

“You must be kidding. With this body…?” Susan chuckled as she finally wiped off her nipples with a dampened paper towel.

“Absolutely…your body is wonderful. I would love to stretch you while you breast feed. Maybe your youngest…?”

“Isn’t that a little trite?” She said in an almost acerbic voice as she reached into her purse. “Shit! I forgot to bring extra pads.”

“I think I may have some very soft tissues…if that’ll help.” I opened my clutch and began digging around. It was packed tightly. A pair of panties fell out, much to my embarrassment. Susan laughed.

“Planning a big night are we?” She chuckled.

“My roommate packed the purse. Here they are.” I handed her the tissues as I bent at the knee to pick up the panty.

“Yes... These will do just fine. So let me ask you something dear…seeing that we’re almost mother and daughter…” Susan laughed as she stuffed the tissues into the cups of her bra. “Peter is gay, isn’t he?”

Susan looked at me with a smile as she asked. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind in an instant. The first thing that occurred to me was that her husband was one of those born again guys and they weren’t exactly thrilled with the idea of same sex lovers. Indeed they weren’t thrilled with anybody who was involved with another if they weren’t first married?

The second thing that occurred to me is should I lie? I mean I could say I don’t know. But that would not be true because I did know. I hated the thought of lying on many different levels. I guess that’s because I’ve been lied to too many times. And lies can be so very hurtful. I saw what a lie did to poor Allie.

If I thought a lie might save someone’s life or something like that, I don’t think I would hesitate. Maybe saving the account is kind of like that? But the idea still didn’t sit right with me. I’m usually good reading people and I don’t think Susan is like that though. I wondered why she even asked such a thing. I took a deep breath and prayed Susan was not like her husband.

“Yes… He definitely is.” I spoke with a sigh. I just outed my boss…and friend.

“So what are you? His bush…?” Susan asked with a straight face.

“His bush…?” Bush…? WTF is a bush?

“Yeah…you know…” Susan laughed. “Like in the military…? If a woman is a lesbian she would find some guy to get her off base so she could hook up with her girlfriend? He could also claim they were…‘intimate friends’ as a cover. He is called the beard. If a guy is gay, he would have a woman do that for him. She is called his bush.” I stared at Susan blankly. She made a motion toward her crotch with her hand. “You know…bush?”

“Ohhh…” I giggled nervously. Live and learn says I.

“Here…” Susan turned her back to me. “Help me on with this.”

She pulled the front of her dress back in place. I pulled up the zipper and hooked the back for her.

“So…” She turned back toward me. “Are you his bush?”

“No…” I said quite emphatically.

“Hmmm… Then I wonder why he looks at you so…well…affectionately?” Susan’s eyes rolled upward in thought. “Maybe even lewdly…? And he certainly is protective of you. He was very quick to say you were indeed a very fine artist when that was questioned.”

“It’s kind of weird? He and Rhona, our receptionist, kind of hover over me? I guess it’s because I’m the youngest in the office. Also Peter has never seen me dressed in this fashion before.”

Susan took one last look at herself in the mirror and turned to walk out of the stall.

“I wish these damned wet spots would dry already.” She was referring to where her milk wet her dress.

“Here…” I removed my shawl again and placed it over her shoulders. “This should help.”

“You’re wearing next to nothing. You’ll be cold.”

Susan began to remove the shawl. I stopped her by holding one of her hands.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure I can borrow Peter’s jacket.” I giggled.

“You probably won’t even need to ask. He seems that sort. Considerate…?”

Susan sat down on the settee and patted the cushion next to her. I smiled and sat down.

“I probably should tell you that my maiden name is Scoville.”

“The same…?” I spoke with a wide eyed expression of shock even though Peter had mentioned as much.

“The very… My father is Scoville Industries.” Susan nodded.

“But I thought Bill ran the company.”

“He does at the moment. But…to be perfectly honest…? He’s better stud material than management material.” Susan said quite sarcastically. “Or he once was anyway. I haven’t let him touch me in months. Not since this Jesus thing began. He can be such a bore.”

She spoke as if this was an afterthought. Susan then quickly turned to me.

“You know that Ladies Lounge Rules apply here.”

Ladies Lounge Rules…apply? I never heard of that before. At least I never saw a sign listing them or anything. Susan rolled her eyes and shook her head with a benign smile.

“What is said in here stays in here.” Susan looked at me quite sternly.

“Oh yes… Of course…!” Derp…!!! I should have guessed.

“Good!” She smiled and linked her arm with mine, her other hand patting my hand lightly. “In truth I am actually looking for a Mister Mom. I adore pregnancy and child birth and the nursing; especially when I have one on each breast. I find it to be…” She rolled her eyes in thought for a moment and then grinned. “…quite stimulating? But the raising of them…well…I am definitely not a soccer mom.” Susan laughed heartily.

I felt a bit of sorrow for the obviously unsuspecting Bill, bore that he may be, and for the children. How they grew to adulthood would depend on what nanny was hired. But, inversely, if Susan knew her limitations, then maybe a professional was a far better alternative, or at least a Mister Mom.

“But what would you do instead?”

I felt this woman was far too…intelligent, aggressive and forthcoming to simply lounge at poolside in the sun.

“Why…run daddy’s company…of course.” From her tone, and her huge smile, it was like; ’What else would I do?’ “I have two…no…three questions for you.”

Susan let loose of my arm and turned sideways on the settee to face me directly. I was all ears and looked at her in anticipation.

“Do you like your job?”

Well, I could have gone on and on and on, and I did…sort of. I told her about the freedoms I was allowed and how I could take time if I had a showing and so on and on. Of course I told her that this was all possible because Peter was a great boss.

“Nonsense…! Either you are that good…after all you did help land two rather large accounts…”

“Two…?” I actually squeaked!

“Well…? Yes… I’m fairly confident that you and Peter can do an adequate job for us. As I was saying… Either you’re a moneymaker for the company, or you’re fucking Peter silly. But I honestly believe you must be that good.” She laughed.

I blushed profusely…a totally new shade of bright red yet to be named!

“What…” Susan asked. “Oh don’t tell me you have a crush on him.” She laughed. “I will admit he is rather cute and he does have those polite and courteous ways about him that speak of good breeding. But he a bit old for you…don’t you think?”

I nodded my head but I stared at my fingers which were fidgeting. I felt myself becoming a bit emotional. Susan took my chin in her fingers and directed it, and my gaze, to her face.

“What are you not telling me? I think I’ve been fairly open and honest with you. Is this about your…dressing?”

Susan’s tone was soft and sincere. I wasn’t really sure but I think her voice was…motherly…or older sisterly at the least. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat.

“Yeah… Well… Andi…? It’s short for Andrew?” A very pained expression accompanied my confession.

“Well I thought it would be something like that.” Susan chuckled. “You are showing just a wee bit…on top.”

I took a deep breath as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I leaned forward a bit and pulled the top of my dress up where it had slipped a bit too far? Susan looked only long enough to see the truth. I noticed her jaw set firmly.

I derped major league big time. Susan seemed to gaze off into the distance…not that there was any distance to stare at. Her eyes narrowed as I could ‘see’ her thinking.

“I should feel violated. But for some reason I don’t. Humph!” She seemed to be speaking to nobody in particular. “That does explain the looks he was giving you.” Susan suddenly looked at me. “You’re the best of both worlds to him…how very interesting!” She suddenly began to chuckle.

“I’m not transitioning. This is simply an image I have in my mind of how I should look? I mean…I am on hormones? But it’s only to better fill out my clothes?”

A tear rolled down my cheek. I opened my purse to get a tissue only to remember that I gave them all to Susan.

“Oh… Wait a moment honey.”

Susan got up and retrieved a hand towel from the wash basin. She returned and carefully blotted the tears in my eyes.

“Now there’s no reason to be upset. After all…” She chuckled. “If I’m not upset, you shouldn’t be either. I mean we have seen each other’s tits…so to speak. And I never thought for a single moment that you might be…what is it…transitioning?”

“Well everybody else seems to think so.” I sniffled.

“Listen sweet heart… Never let anyone define you. Especially not men…! It’s nobody’s business anyway…is it? You’re certainly not hurting anyone. Are you?”

I took a deep, but stuttered, breath and managed to smile. I was quickly able to compose myself.

“So… Are you gay? Are you straight? Or all the above…?” Susan asked with a chuckle.

“To be determined…?”

I looked at her…hopefully…maybe slightly painfully?

“Oh my…” Susan sounded quite sincere in her exclamation as she laughed. “We do have so much to chat about.”

“Ummm…” I sniffled. “We’ve been in here a while? Should we get back to the table?”

“Hmmm…” Susan rolled her eyes up in thought. “No…! Let them suffer together. It should be amusing to see how your Peter…” My Peter…? “…holds up under the ‘Bill the bore’. Anyway, it is our prerogative to stay here just as long as we wish.”

Susan spoke with quite a smug tone to her voice. She took a deep breath and let it out along with a sigh of resignation.

“Well… Perhaps you’re right. We should probably amble our way back to the table.”

We both got up and I quickly glanced in the facing mirror. I quickly retrieved my lip gloss from my purse and refreshed my lips. Susan chuckled and did the same.

“You know dear…” She said as she wiped the corner of her mouth with her finger tip. “We both know each other’s little secrets.” Susan turned to me with a smile. “And I hope we will always be able to confide in one another.

“It’s not really a secret? I mean… my friends and coworkers know about me. It’s just that I like to be the one to tell people. And I really didn’t know how you would react. You know?”

“I think I can guess. Certainly there’s no reason at all that Bill or my father need know; although my father probably wouldn’t care as long as your work makes him money. He is quite pragmatic in that way.” Susan laughed.

We exited the ladies lounge and returned to the table arm in arm.

“I don’t know that I would want to pose breast feeding for you. But I would certainly like to entertain the idea of a portrait of myself and my girls. Consider maybe a commission piece…? I would like to see what you can do first though.”

“Of course…”

I smiled trying to contain my excitement. A commissioned piece…! My first…! And I could use the money the way I’d been spending it lately.

As we approached the table Peter spotted me first and he stood up to pull out my chair. Bill followed suit once he realized we were returning and did the same for Susan.

“We were getting ready to file a missing person’s report. And why are you wearing Andi’s shawl?”

“Oh shut up Bill...” Susan said with slight annoyance as she took her seat and allowed Bill to move her closer to the table.

Peter assisted me with my chair and, without even asking, removed his jacket and draped it over my shoulders. Susan looked at me with a knowing smile as I giggled. Peter leaned down and softly spoke in my ear.

“You might get cold.”

I looked up into his eyes and, smiling, thanked him. He is so very predictable. Bill didn’t say a word. He simply gazed at Susan with a somewhat defeated look upon his face. It was as if he was afraid to say anything fearing his very alpha female would bite his nose off or something.

Susan wanted something chocolate as well as a fruit tart. I really wasn’t interested in anything but she offered to split both desserts with me and…well…who am I to refuse chocolate and fruit. We both ordered cappuccinos to compliment the selection.

Then Susan and I buried ourselves in conversation. She was particularly interested in ‘the process’. Everybody’s interested in the process. It’s as if there’s some great secret to creating something. I mean… I have an idea that I visualize and then the years of technical study, and practice, take over. With any luck, perhaps a bit of me rubs off onto the paper, or canvass, or whatever, and then something special evolves. Mostly…? It’s just work. But I did appreciate her interest.

Then we kind of leaned into each other and, in more hushed tones, discussed more…intimate things? Her eye were alighted as I told her of my past…experiences. And she related some of her adventures both here and abroad. We were totally oblivious to whatever the guys were speaking about. I think they were more fascinated with our interactions since returning from the lounge.

One thing I did note was that I seemed to interact with women in a much more ‘natural’ manner than I did with guys. I mean think about it. There was, first and foremost, Allie, then Rhona, Jill of course, and now Susan. To some extent I could talk to Peter, and that was very comfortable, but with most other guys, including the office staff, I simply found that I had very little to say.

Anyway, the dinner ended on a wonderful upbeat note as Susan and I exchanged phone numbers. She definitely was quite taken with me, and I with her. I could see us having a wonderfully interesting relationship both with business and with…well…other things. She and I hugged, and kissed, as our coats were being retrieved and I was profusely thanked for the use of my shawl.

“Well…that was a most interesting evening.” Peter laughed as he assisted me on with my coat. “The way the two of you were carrying on you could have been sandbox lovers.”

“Sometimes the chemistry is simply there.” I said as I shrugged and giggled.

“So what were you two doing in the restroom for so long?”

“Sorry Peter…” I giggled mischievously. “Ladies Lounge Rules… What’s said in there stays in there.”

“I can’t believe how…how….”

I could sense Peter’s exasperation as he almost frantically searched for the words to say whatever he wanted to say. What a giggle.

“…how naturally and easily you just upped and went into the women’s lounge.”

He spoke softly for my ears only and laughed heartily as we exited the restaurant.

“Well really Peter…!” I feigned impatience and rolled my eyes. “I couldn’t very well go into the men’s room dressed like this!”

“Well…” He put his arm around me as we strolled a bit. “That’s very true. But still…” He chuckled. “Let me give you a ride home. My car is right over here.”

I looked up into his eyes and smiled.

“Sure... That would be lovely.”

Peter ushered me over to a large black and silver Rolls Royce. A driver got out and came around to open the door for us. I was impressed. I am not ashamed to say that. I knew Peter was well off but really… I had no idea and no doubt he was perhaps attempting to further impress me? And why not…! I deserve to be impressed at the very least. I looked good. I felt good. And I made whoever’s arm I was attached to look and feel good.

As I settled into the plush leather seat, I opened my coat. The car was comfortably heated so I also removed my shawl. Peter settled back and stretched out his legs.

“They certainly are a strange couple.” Peter said as he ran his fingers through his hair as if to ease some of the tension out through his scalp. “I couldn’t get any kind of a read from him other than I’m probably going to hell. Although I think I knew that anyway.” He laughed.

“We have the account.” I giggled.

“What…!” Peter was in total disbelief.

“We have the account.” I lilted and giggled some more.

I was enjoying the look of astonishment on Peter’s face.

“But he…”

“She’s a Scoville and she’s daddy’s girl. She likes us…a lot.”

“You…” Peter turned sideways in his seat to face me. “You are amazing.”

“I also cook, clean and I do laundry.” I laughed.

I really felt good. I had accomplished something I had no idea I would ever even attempt.

“Yeah…” Peter chuckled. “I just can’t wait to see your next trick.”

He edged a bit closer to me and took my hand in his. He brought my fingers to his lips and kissed them.

“You are totally amazing Andi.”

I took hold of Peter’s arm with my other hand and I leaned my head on his shoulder. I was suddenly very tired. I guess the stress of the day, and of the evening, had taken its toll. Peter let go of my hand and put his arm around me.

I was so very comfortable that I closed my eyes and melted into his side. I thought how nice it would be if we were on the way home and that I would soon be snuggled up against him naked in his bed.

My dreaming abruptly came to an end. I must have fallen asleep briefly because the next thing I knew we were stopped in front of my building and Peter was gently shaking me. I begrudgingly opened my eyes and, not immediately recognizing where I was, I rapidly looked around.

“Unfortunately you’re home sweet heart.” Peter chuckled.

I knew exactly what he meant. I was so comfortably asleep nestled into Peter’s side. Peter’s driver got out and opened up the door for me. I gathered myself together, not forgetting the clutch purse, and, after Peter first stepped out onto the curb, I grasped his hand as I carefully swung my legs out and stood up.

“Careful now… You don’t want to twist an ankle.”

Peter took me around my waist as I fought a moment for my balance. I was still in the process of clearing my mind. The night’s cold air was helping to rapidly awaken me. Peter escorted me the short distance to my front door, his arm still around me. I turned into him as we stopped at the door. I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes and smiled.

“You know…my dear Andi… You are my most prized possession. Whilst I possess you that is.” He chuckled.

Peter turned my coat collar up against the cold wind that blew off the river. He bent his head down till our eyes met at the same level. Then he moved into me until our lips met in a kiss. There was more than a bit of electricity that passed between us. I closed my eyes and leaned into his body as my entire being began to…tingle?

“Mmmm… That was very nice.” Peter smiled down at me when I could finally open my eyes.

“Yeah…” I giggled. I was kind of lost for words.

“You know you could come back uptown with me. I could have you bring back here whenever you’d like.”

If ever I had a moment of weakness this was it. I was tired, slightly tipsy from the wine, and generally feeling good about things; especially myself. And then there was that selfish little corner of me that simply wanted to check him out in bed.

I hadn’t been with another person in quite some time. My entire sex life was spent in the shower or sniffing Allie’s undies, or in my head. I was due for something…anything actually.

Then, as I leaned into Peter’s lovely solid warm body and imagined myself snuggled up next to it, a realization came to me in a flash; or at least in the vision of Allie’s aromatic panties. Peter, although I wanted him, was not really what I wanted. I knew that I always would be somewhat of a possession. That’s not what I wanted; what I needed. I wanted an intimate sort of touching between two like minds. And that like mind belonged to Allie.

Perhaps it’s simply another form of selfishness; to have two birds in hand but none for my bush? It’s certainly selfish to not tell Peter that he’s in second place at best. But it’s also my own fear. Should Allie reject me, well…first of all I’d probably be crushed. I certainly would feel a bit foolish. But at least I could still have Peter. Or at least he could have me?

And I would still want the intimacy of a relationship that went beyond the platonic. It’s amazing how many thoughts run through one’s mind in the midst of things. I looked up into Peter’s big beautiful blue eyes.

“No thanks Peter... I’m really tired and all I can think of is going to sleep.” That was certainly true.

“That’s okay with me.” He smiled innocently. “Sleeping is one of my favorite activities. I could certainly keep you warm.”

He chuckled and I giggled. No doubt he could. No doubt at all…

“Not tonight Peter. Anyway, I’m still not ready for you.”

“Will you ever be?”

He smiled and leaned down and just about touched my lips. I craned my neck up to meet him. It was an amazing sensation. To feel his lips touch mine and to have his tongue caress mine was like a bolt of lightning striking me. My entire body again tingled as he pressed himself against me. I felt his stiffy very briefly rub against me. I was so tempted to grab it. But thankfully I didn’t.

Peter’s kiss left me slightly dizzy and light headed. I had to hold onto him for a moment after our lips parted…company?

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah… Just tired...” So I lied…a little.

“Do you want me to escort you upstairs?” He gazed at me with a worried expression.

“No…” I smiled. Peter was ever the gentleman for sure. “I’ll be fine.”

I took out my keys and opened the door. I walked in and, on the way to the elevator, looked back at him and smiled…with a sigh. He no doubt waited until I got into the elevator and the door closed. I leaned against the elevator wall with my eyes closed, a smile upon my face and a sigh in my heart.

The elevator stopping awoke me from my little awake dreamland. I opened the apartment door and heard the television going in the cave.

“Hi dear…I’m home!” I sang out with a giggle.

I really didn’t have the strength to have a conversation about the evening with Allie so I placed my borrowed clutch upon the table, hung my coat upon the rack, and made a bee’s line straight for my bedroom. I walked in and, without even turning on a light, flopped onto my back on the bed. My feet were hanging over the end so I was able to kick my heels off.

Somewhere near the edge of complete unconsciousness I heard a rapping upon my door post just strong enough to pull me back to awakedom.

“Andi…are you okay?”

“Yeah…” I giggled weakly. “I’m just so tired I had to lie down.”

“No… That won’t do.” Allie walked in and turned on my small bedside lamp. “You can’t fall asleep in your clothes. You’ll ruin that dress for sure and you’ll get makeup all over everything. Here…” She walked back to the foot of the bed and held out her hands toward me. “Let me help you.”

I reached for Allie’s hands and let her pull me up and out of my bed. She was kind enough to slip the dress up and over my head. Allie was careful to not have the material touch my face and become stained from the cosmetics. She was gracious enough to hang it in my closet. She then assisted me out of my bra. I turned and touched my forehead to hers.

“Thank you so much. I am so tired.” I leaned into her and hugged her. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“We can take these off now or wait till morning if you’d like.”

My boobs felt almost like a part of me to the extent that I totally forgot about them. I had never slept in them before but I was curious to see how that would feel considering I would have them for real soon enough. Allie had let them gently pull against my flesh when she removed my bra and I was, by this time, numb to any pain.

“No… Let’s leave them on? You’d only need to put them on again in the morning.”

She smiled as she pushed me back down onto the bed in a sitting position and carefully removed my thigh highs. Allie pulled them out after removing them and placed them atop my bra.

“Okay…” Allie said as she turned and walked to the head of my bed and grabbed my sleeping tee from atop my pillow. “That’s as far as I go.” She giggled. “Let’s get you into the bathroom and remove your makeup.”

Allie took my hand and pulled me up once I donned my tee shirt. I couldn’t believe she was being so considerate and concerned. As we walked into the bathroom hand in hand I told her what Peter had said.

“Peter called me his most prized possession.”

“What…” Allie broke into a huge smile. “Really…? Was he serious?”

“Yeah…” I said as I sat atop the covered commode. “I think he was very serious.”

“Oh my God…! That is so…so romantic. Nobody ever said that to me.”

“Really…? That is so hard to believe. Well you are certainly mine.”

I spoke without thinking and blushed chili red when I did realize what I had said. Fortunately… Or unfortunately… It didn’t really register with Allie.

“Did he kiss you?”

“Yeah…” I sighed. “And he wanted to take me home with him.”

“Really…?”

Allie looked somewhat amazed as she carefully began to wipe my makeup off with liquid cleanser soaked tissues.

“Why didn’t you go for it? I think that if it was me…I might have? Of course the guy would have to be…well…straight. Or at least …excited…?”

“I kind of want to save myself for someone special. You know?”

“Well yeah…at least that I used to know.” She giggled. “I once heard… I think Jill told me this…that every time you’re with somebody new it’s like the first time…you know? It’s like the first time with somebody new is always special because they are special enough to be completely naked with.”

“I don’t know. That may be true. Maybe someday I’ll really find out. Or at least I would like to.”

I felt saddened that in the three ‘relationships’ I had, all too brief as they were, I really didn’t feel anything…’special’ about any of them.

Allie had gone through a few tissues with makeup remover and now turned to get the bottle of baby oil for my eyes. She used cotton balls to slowly and gently remove all of my eye makeup.

“You really looked so totally hot tonight.” I could feel her smiling down at me. “We have to do this again.”

‘You are like my best friend…ever.” I sighed. “We should do it together…you know?”

I felt myself becoming a bit emotional as I spoke those words. I mean nobody has ever taken such an interest in me before. I hate to say it but I felt like she was more of an older, and wiser, sister or even a mother figure in some ways. But emotionally it went even deeper than that. She was like my other self. I was suddenly sorry I said ‘friend’ and not…something else…something more.

“Okay sweet heart… Wash your face really well now with the soap and then put this moisturizer on.” I didn’t recognize the bottle and looked at Allie questioningly. “I picked it up for you when I went out earlier. I use it when I go all out with the war paint.” She giggled. “It’s totally the greatest…ever.”

“I don’t know?” I said as I began to apply the cream. “About this possession thingy... I mean… It’s really nice to be treated…like I’m somebody? Or at least have someone open the door and pull out your chair and stuff. But when I think of being someone’s possession… well…it’s kind of like an object on a shelf that’s taken down and played with almost like a toy. You know?”

“Listen…” Allie giggled. “At least on a shelf you get noticed from time to time…you know?” I nodded in agreement. “It’s nice to be noticed and appreciated…at least every once in a while. I kind of like being doted over and having a fuss made about me. It’s nice to have the validation, you know?”

I nodded again. She was right. It is nice to have somebody care enough to make a fuss. And the validation thingy…? Oh my God…! I’m an artist! I live and breathe the need for validation whether I want to acknowledge that fact or not.

Somebody once said; ‘Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.’ For sure that has to be true and the validation of others comes in more than handy for maintaining balance and presence of self. But I truly had to think about that objectification thingy some more.

“I don’t know baby doll.”

I spoke as I recapped the jar of cream and closely inspected my face as though something magical would happen and it would shrink my snout. I turned to Allie.

“You know how I get when I have an idea, or I’m in the midst of a work buzz.”

“Yeah… It’s like the place can burn down and you wouldn’t notice.”

“Well… If suddenly the ‘objectifier’ decides to objectify me, or de-objectify me, whilst I’m in the midst…”

“Well yeah… You certainly can’t lose sight of yourself or who you are. I, for one, think I’ve finally learned that lesson.” Allie giggled a bit nervously. “I mean I would really just love to be able to give myself…literally… to someone. You know? But I have these expectations. I want to be treated nicely and not put through all the little dramas and stuff.”

I nodded and understood what Allie was trying to say. For sure she had been abused. But…then again…she trusted poorly and trust is what it’s all about.

“Maybe it’s that I don’t fully trust Peter enough?”

I put a little hand lotion on and rubbed it into my fingers. I loved the new color on my nails and thought of how cool I would look tomorrow at the office wearing the matching lipstick. I walked back into my bedroom with Allie following close behind. I pulled down the cover and then the blanket and sheet and got into the bed.

“Mind if I join you?” Allie asked as I made myself comfortable. I was surprised…pleasantly surprised.

“No…not at all.”

Allie followed and got in on the other side. She rested on her side and propped her head up upon two pillows as she pulled the blanket up over our legs.

“So…? How was dinner? I want details.” Allie giggled.

“Well…?”

I took a deep breath and turned to copy Allie by shoving a pillow beneath my head.

“I was late of course. But nobody seemed to mind. Oh my God… Peter couldn’t take his eyes off of me! It was so funny. And neither could Bill, that’s the husband…? Well…sort of? His wife is really the one making the decisions.”

I giggled and actually got excited relating all of this to Allie.

“Actually her father is the one making the decision. Her maiden name is Scoville and she’s thinking of changing it back to that.”

“What…?” Allie’s eyes went wide in surprise. “She said that at dinner…?”

“No…” I blushed bubble gum pink. I was telling Allie what Susan and I spoke about in the Ladies Lounge; a definite Bozo no-no. “She told me in the Ladies Lounge but said that ‘Ladies Lounge rules’ applied.”

“Well…” Allie breathed out the word with a bit of theatrical hand flipping. “She obviously didn’t tell you all the rules. It is quite permissible to tell your very ‘BGFF’ whatever was said. I guarantee you that she… What’s her name?”

“Oh… Susan…” I giggled.

“I guarantee you that Susan is on the phone as we speak telling her ‘BGFF’ all about tonight including what was said in the ladies lounge. It’s not only permissible…it’s mandatory!”

Allie giggled as I carefully tried to read her expression whilst she spoke. I was silent for a few moments.

“I’ll kill you if you’re fooling around with me.” I tried my best to keep from laughing. “If any of this ever gets out…”

“Who am I going to tell? Jill…? I mean seriously...?”

So I began with the reason we wound up in the ladies lounge to begin with. I explained about her letting down and how I wanted to prevent an embarrassing moment for Susan. Then I told Allie about what she did in the stall.

“Oh my God…! She let you taste it?”

“Yeah… It was really amazing. Sweet… Kind of like a dessert sweet…almost…?”

“Oh my God…!”

I’d never seen Allie’s eyes get wider in surprise, or her smile as huge. Then I went on to tell her almost word for word what Susan and I spoke about. I told her every little detail, and facial expression, I could remember. I was reliving my evening for her and she was basking in the light of my…victory? I mean we did accomplish what we set out to do; get the account even if I felt I did nothing to really ‘sell’ our services.

I explained how after Susan confessed her ‘sins’ she told me she knew I was ‘dressing’. I also explained how amazed I was that she didn’t really seem to care. I used Susan’s own words about how she didn’t feel…‘violated’ by exposing her body to me?

I turned over onto my back and continued my tale with Susan and me returning to the table after our much extended stay in the lounge. I mentioned the silly remark that Bill had made and how Susan shut him right down and out. Although I didn’t get into too much detail, I told Allie how Susan and I just really had this amazing chemistry and we talked and talked while the guys spoke about who knows what.

By the time I got to Peter taking me home, I heard a soft purring sound to my right. I turned my head and Allie was sound asleep. I watched for a few moments at how peaceful she looked; her mouth and nose tucked into her forearm. I smiled and as gently as I could I pulled the blanket up to cover both of us. I reached for the night light and turned it off.

I could barely make out her form in the very dim glowing light from outside the window. Oh my God… I was finally sleeping with a woman even though it was not in the context I would have liked. This was an incredible first for me. This was the first time I slept with anybody else in the same bed!

I fell asleep after some time adjusting to the fact that I was sharing my bed with not simply another person…a woman…but a woman I actually desired to be with. Sometime in the middle of the night I felt a bumping. I was instantly awakened not remembering I had company. Allie had hunkered up behind me and we were back to back. She was so very warm. I could smell the faint aroma of her soap and face cream, and…her lush body. It was ever so comforting. I smiled and was soon asleep again.

She was gone by the time I had to awaken. Sometime during the early morning hours she had gotten up and left. I could still smell her lingering scent and I wished she had stayed if for no other reason than to see her smile upon opening my eyes first thing in the morning. I couldn’t help but feel that sight would have made an incredible painting.

Suddenly the wildest thought popped into my mind. I wondered what it would be like to breast feed a baby; my baby.

He still wears dresses. He still uses cosmetics. He still loves his kitten heels. He’s still on hormones. His boss is still crazy about him and Andi’s still weakening. Now he looks like a Vogue model. And now he also wants to breast feed? Could the latest new chapter rating be an indication of even weirder events to come? And will Lassie ever return home? For the answer to these and other life altering questions…be sure to take in the next exciting chapter in the adventures of ‘Andi and Allie’!!!

We showered together after cleaning up squirt from the island top, the opposite counter, the glass doors of the cabinet…and the floor! Allie played with my dick in the shower and, after a bit of her marvelous mouth’s activities and her wonderful fingers up my butt, I came with such force that my knees buckled and I had to hold myself up against the wall as the steamy water rained down upon me.

We finally, and somewhat reluctantly, finished our shower and began to ready ourselves to venture out into the New Year. Allie had me fetch my outfit of the day and my cosmetics case. She really wanted to spend every moment with me. I wanted to do the same. I mean this was definitely a new and wonderful level of growth in our relationship; OUR relationship…Allie’s and mine!

We helped one another dress, stealing hugs and kisses at every opportunity.

We did our makeup together and styled our hair.

The entire time we spoke easily about anything and everything. It felt good. I felt good. This was like what I’d been waiting for my entire life…ALMOST twenty one years of it. I finally had someone I could be close to and rely and depend upon who was also so very nurturing. This all felt so strange, so weird…and so wonderful.

We donned our coats, boots, scarves, and knitted hats, grabbed our purses, and ventured out into the brisk, lightly snowing afternoon. Arm in arm we started walking uptown toward the West Village. Every once in a while we would stop, turn, embrace and kiss. People passing by would sometimes stop and stare, or smile, or sneer. But we were in our own little world and really we didn’t care.

Being out in the fresh air was amazing. The briskness of the air and the beauty of the snowflakes falling made us walk that much closer together. Allie and I seemed to be walking in complete synchronization with our arms interlocked and our legs touching as we went along. We entered Sheridan Square and it might have been a normal Sunday because there were people everywhere.

As we approached Christopher Street, Allie spotted a bar and grill that looked appealing. We stopped to quickly survey the menu and glance inside before making the bold move to enter. I immediately opened my coat and loosened my scarf. The place was warm and the aromas of food blotted out the smell of stale alcohol from the bar’s well abused wooden floor.

We were seated at a table for four and, after removing our coats, scarves, and hats, I took the seat cattycorner from Allie.

We held hands atop the table.

Allie ordered us each a mimosa. I’d never had one before but I had heard the name of the drink and wanted to try it.

I watched Allie as she glanced through the menu. I never seemed to tire of gazing at her. She was the most beautiful woman in all New York, indeed the entire world as far as I was concerned and I…me…moi…was the only one she permitted to share her bed. She never brought anyone home. Allie glanced up to catch me looking at her.

“What…” She asked with a giggle. “My hair’s a mess?” I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. “Well…?” Allie’s eyebrows shot up and she placed her elbow upon the table.

“I… I just like looking at you.” I blushed magenta.

“I’d think by now you’d be at least…bored with looking at me?” Allie grinned as she blushed dragon red, and rested her chin on her palm.

“I never get tired of looking at you.”

I spoke with all seriousness and kissed her hand just as the waitress came to our table with our drinks. She must have heard what I said and saw the kiss because I noticed her smiling and rolling her eyes.

“What would you two love birds like?” She spoke with a knowing grin.

I looked to Allie and arched my eye brows. I hadn’t even looked at the menu yet. Allie proceeded to order. The waitress looked at me and I hesitated a moment before speaking.

“I’ll have what she’s having.”

“Andi does that a lot.” Allie giggled and smiled at the waitress.

“God… That is so lesbian.” The waitress laughed, rolled her eyes, shook her head, and turned toward the kitchen.

“See…? Even she thinks so.” Allie laughed.

I kind of stared at Allie, but I was really not looking at her. I was thinking about that impartial second opinion? Was I really a lesbian in a ‘boy suit’? That question would pop in and out of my head for the remainder of the day. Little did I know that question would persist to pop up for long after?

We had our lunch, roasted veggie sandwiches with Portobello mushrooms, peppers, and such, and finished with cappuccinos. Though the snow had abated to a very light powder, the wind did become stronger. We were in no hurry to leave.

It was at this point when I glanced at something other than Allie or my meal. The patrons seemed to be almost exclusively women. There were four men at the same table and then I noticed that two of them were holding hands.

“Allie…? Allie…!” I insistently whispered.

“What is it sweet heart?”

“We’re in…” I leaned in closer to speak softly in her ear. “...a lesbian bar!”

“No we’re not sweet heart.” Allie chuckled. “The bar isn’t a lesbian. Only most of the patrons are. The rest are just gay guys.”

She smiled and kissed me…fully…on the lips!

I nervously glanced around. Several women were smiling at us. There were even one or two looking at me and smiling. Oh my God…! What if I should get hit on? I turned back to Allie who was giggling.

“I don’t know why you should be so surprised baby doll. You’ve been passing yourself off as a woman for…well…at least as long as I’ve known you. You’ve told me that the guys at work are too nervous to share the restroom with you because you’re so…convincing? I don’t see what you’re problem is.”

I looked around still somewhat…stunned? And then I glanced back at Allie, who was still smiling; totally amused at my discovery. I guess it was just the label of ‘lesbian’ that threw me off? I mean… It really doesn’t make a difference, does it? Suddenly the urge to evacuate overcame me.

“I have to pee.”

“I’ll go with you; just in case some wild woman wants to attack you.”

Allie giggled as she stood and grabbed her purse. She took my hand as I grabbed bag and we were off. Now I don’t know why I should have been shocked when, upon entering the ladies room, we were immediately met by two women passionately kissing near the hand dryer. Allie smiled and giggled as we walked past and I tried desperately not to look.

When we were at clubs, we would see this in the bathrooms. Once I even saw a man and a woman come out of one of the stalls. I mean people are what people are and I guess if the urge calls, especially after a few drinks or some designer drug, or both, any port in a storm, as they say, will do.

It’s just that in the middle of a snowy Sunday afternoon, on New Year’s Day, I didn’t expect this. Thinking back on it, they were kind of cute.

Thankfully there was an empty stall. I headed for it as Allie gazed at her reflection in the mirror. The moment I entered it, Allie scooted in behind me and shut the door, locking it as she giggled and leered at me with a wicked smile.

Allie immediately threw me against the wall and pinned me with her supple body.

She kissed me with a very needy intensity!

Allie’s tongue thrusting its way into my mouth as her hands roamed my lower back and butt.

The suddenness of her movements coupled with the surprise completely caught me off guard. My hands came up to caress her shoulders and her back as her insistent mouth stole my breath. I closed my eyes and just melted into her.

The feeling was so heady…so very ‘naughty’…that I started to become aroused? That was not so good if one had to pee as well. I forced myself, with an enormous amount of mental effort, to push her off.

“I really have to pee.” I was quite adamant; like…no fooling?

“Okay… Can I hold it for you?” She whispered with a giggle.

“What…?” WTF…! “I usually sit…you know???” WTF…!

“Well I can still hold your dick for you.” She giggled wickedly.

Allie thought this was a new amusement or something. I couldn’t wait any longer and I wasn’t going to argue with her until I was at least safe from an accident? I dropped my lower rider jeans, a definite relief for my slightly bloated bladder, and I sat down on the seat. Allie hovered alongside of me and squatted down just enough to rest her back against the wall. She giggled as she reached between my legs and grasped my dick.

Her hand was warm and actually felt amazing. But this added nothing to my ability to pass a wee bit of water. With her other hand she reached around my back and came up under my pink sweat shirt; the one with the rose colored sequin design along the front. Allie started to massage my boobette through my bra and pinch my nipple gently. She once again kissed me quite fully and quite passionately. My hands rested atop both of hers trying, without too much success, to stop her from…from…turning me on even more?

“I really have to pee…!” I said.

I broke away from her very insistent and delicious mouth. I never expected Allie’s voracious appetite for sex. I mean I realized that she was very sensual. But this was kind of reckless abandon…at least for me?

“Ohhh… Okay...”

The sadness in Allie’s voice mimicked that of a child denied. She stood up and placed herself in front of the stall door.

“I’ll just watch then.”

She smiled wickedly and, try as I may have, nothing would happen.

“I can’t do this while you’re watching me.” I looked up at Allie sadly. “Please…?”

“I think I love it when you beg.” Allie giggled and again that wicked smile crossed her face.

She began to lift the hem of her skirt and, when it was high enough, she pulled her panty down to her knees. Allie then stepped up to me and lowered her skirt over my head. Now not only was I surrounded by darkness, but her aromas were overwhelming and intoxicating. This definitely didn’t help me at all.

Somehow I knew exactly what this situation required. I grasped her butt cheeks in my hands and pulled her tightly to me. I stuck out my tongue and ran it into her cleft until I found her clit. I bathed it with broad rapid motions of my tongue. The results were nearly instantaneous.

“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD…YAAAIIIEEE…”

Allie couldn’t have squealed any louder without alerting the entire neighborhood. I managed to catch her totally by surprise. She pulled away returning me to light. My flood gate opened and the splashing of pee into the bowl and the water countered her rapid breathing as she sought to regain her composure. Now I had to giggle as I gazed at her wide open mouth and eyes.

I used a bit of tissue to get the last few drops out and then I pulled up my panty and jeans. Allie was backed against the stall door, her face a beet red. I learned that her body turned that color whenever she got…excited…in the least way? Anyway, Allie pulled up her panty and I took her hand and moved her enough to open the lock and the door.

I stepped out first followed by Allie to a four woman chorus of cheers, whistles, and applause. My hands immediately went to my face which, in turn, immediately turned vermillion. Allie, showing a bit more poise, curtsied quite elegantly, smiled, and laughed. Our audience dispersed in short order and we were able to wash our hands and touch up our faces.

We finally paid our bill. Well…actually Allie paid. She was quicker in grabbing it. We had long since lost track of whose turn it was and so many other lines of distinction had become blurred as well. Anyway, as we stepped out onto the street, our faces were assaulted…insulted, by a frigid blast of wind. We huddled for only a few moments before deciding to take a cab ride back home.

Allie and I got undressed and, after putting on our respective comfy robes, spent the remainder of the day lounging in the cave watching the tube and snacking on goodies. Somewhere along the way we fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. I spent the night once again in Allie’s bed. I decided rather quickly that I could easily become accustomed to her body resting next to mine. That feeling and that knowledge was very comforting indeed.

Monday was a joke. I dressed and did my usual morning routine. I had to shuffle between Allie’s bedroom and my own but, amidst the confusion; I managed to put myself together rather nicely. It was kind of homage to the New Year. I got to the office in good time and, after depositing my coat, scarf, hat and bag at my work station, I got a cup of coffee and went to join Rhonda…as usual.

She got up and we hugged and kissed and wished one another a happy year. Then we sat and she had to ask the magic question. Oh…it didn’t come out right away thankfully. I told her all about Peter’s wonderful party and about meeting another Ben and Jerry, who she evidentially knew. I told of my meeting Lilly and sitting with her and drawing a bit. Rhonda wanted every tiny little detail and, of course, I told all. Then she simply had to ask!

“So what did you and Allie do after you left?”

I froze…turned a very bright shade of candy apple red…and began to giggle insanely. Rhonda stared at me for a moment. Suddenly her entire expression changed. Her eye brows shot up. Her jaw dropped. Her eyes popped wide open.

“Oh my God…! Oh no…you didn’t!” Rhona said quite shocked.

I nodded as my giggling became worse. I covered my mouth with my hand and I cast my gaze anywhere but at Rhonda.

“With Peter…?!”

Now she was completely amazed; her hands flapping about in excitement. I shook my head and covered my face with both hands.

“Oh my God no…! Allie…?!”

Something within me couldn’t say yes. It was kind of about kissing and telling? Rhonda was kind of family to Allie and me but…well…you know. I put my hands down on the desk and Rhonda quickly grasped them.

“Oh…my God…! You got laid!”

Rhonda said it so breathily and so matter of fact that I had to burst out laughing with tears rolling down my cheeks.

“It’s not serious…is it???” Rhonda’s face took on that amazed expression again.

“Uhhh… Well…?” I smiled coyly.

I didn’t know how to answer that question. Well…that’s not true. I didn’t know how to phrase it without the ‘L’ word…and the ‘L’ was not for lesbian.

“My cosmetics are in her bathroom?”

“Oh my God…!”

Rhonda sat back in her chair with a longed face expression as if she still couldn’t believe it.

“This is very serious.” Rhona suddenly jumped up from her chair and rushed around to hug me. “Oh sweet heart… Congratulations... I truly hope it works out for the two of you. You’re the sweetest…”

Somehow I knew that she couldn’t decide whether to say ‘man’ or ‘woman’.

“…person I know and I would love to see you two happy together. So… Give me all the details!”

Rhona’s face was lit up with excitement as she quickly returned to her chair.

I went into the details of what had occurred between us without getting into the…dirty deeds? I was giggling away like a fool when Peter walked in. Both of us suddenly turned straight faced and sat with rather stoic expressions but I simply couldn’t maintain it. Peter looked at me, and then at Rhona, and then back at me at which point I burst into laughter.

“Don’t tell me.” He said with a smile as he rested his attaché case on the desk. “You got laid.” He laughed.

What…? Is it like…written on my forehead? Was it truly that obvious?

“Well…I am devastatingly sad and crushed…but totally elated for your happiness. I think Allie is very lucky to have nailed you.”

Peter laughed again but he was sincere in his wishes. I kind of felt bad because…well…I still felt myself attracted to him and I think Peter knew this. I was hoping that it wouldn’t change our friendship or our working relationship. And, to Peter’s credit, it didn’t.

I was useless the rest of the day. Word quickly spread around the office and everyone, one by one no less, came by my cubicle to visit and offer congrats and find out the details and all. I couldn’t believe it.

I felt like I was voted the least likely to ever get laid and the losers were congratulating me…or something. I suppose it was my own fault. The guys told me, upon hearing Allie was my paramour, that I’d need to learn how to scissor? Clue…less…!

I gave up at lunch time. I couldn’t even ask Peter if I might leave early without snickering with my hand over my mouth. I walked home. I needed the brisk winter’s chill to sober me up and bring me out of my dream like state. I knew I had this idiotic smile on my face but nothing I could do or think of would change that.

I got home and, no sooner had I unbuttoned my coat, Allie attacked me. She came from out of nowhere and her presence was totally unexpected. She pushed me down into the armchair near the door and, after quite unceremoniously removing my pants and panty; she hoisted my legs over the arms of the chair. Allie then proceeded to inhale my dick; the whole ‘Mickey Mouse’; ears and all.

She had been having the same kind of morning as I had and took the same action. She was about to call me when I came in. Needless to say, we spent the entire afternoon in her bed or on the loveseat in the cave…oh…and once on the kitchen counter. Allie seemed to enjoy attacking me in the kitchen when I was in the midst of doing some chore.

Indeed Allie seemed to initiate all of our…entanglements? I didn’t mind because…well…all this was new to me. And to be perfectly honest…I liked her…aggression? I also really loved that look of need in her eyes knowing that only I could fulfill that need. I truly felt needed and wanted and…desired?

That evening we had a very serious talk. The logistics of our living situation were ridiculous, to say the least; especially now that we shared the same bed. We decided to move her fall, spring and summer clothing into my bedroom and my winter things into hers. My bed would go downstairs into storage and we would use my old room as kind of a study?

I was having trouble trying to understand my bank statement one evening. Allie offered to look at it for me. One thing led to another and we decided that I would let her handle my financial stuff. She seemed to have a much firmer grasp of things than I did. We combined accounts and she got me a credit card from her bank. The non-issue of my rent simply disappeared since I didn’t need to write checks any longer.

This is kind of how things went in the following days and weeks. Our lives became more and more intertwined and, to be quite honest, I loved it. Besides being my BGFF, Allie was my lover, my guardian and protector, my banker, and the mother I never had. Inversely, I was rapidly becoming her partner, her teacher, her guide and her muse for her art.

That’s not to say that we didn’t have our…’animated discussions’. But they were usually over stupid little things like who was wearing what to for an occasion. We almost never had any sort of disagreements over the important things.

There were times when we’d be together, perhaps doing our makeup, and I felt like I was with more of a sister than anything else. We shared everything that we could; cosmetics, jewelry, hand bags and other accessories. It was a pity we couldn’t share clothing because that would have been really special.

My art…our art…changed quite noticeably. Though Allie was and is always my muse, my work became bolder. I was doing larger pieces and the colors were more vibrant. Though my ‘soft edge’ could still be noticed, a new hardness in the modern experimental pieces became my sort of new signature.

Allie’s forms began to stray from the classical shapes to the more unusual forms. Functionality became secondary to visual uniqueness. She also began to experiment more with her glazes. She moved away from the muted and earth colors and more toward the same sort of vibrant things I was doing. Our combined works were really amazing. I was painting on her pieces with her new glazes and we both loved what was coming out of the kiln.

Things couldn’t have been going better for us until the end of January. When either of us came home, we would shout out a greeting of some sort and the other would come out from where ever. On this evening I arrived home and called out to see if Allie was in yet. I heard her call from the kitchen but her voice was…subdued?

I hung my coat and went toward the kitchen. Maybe she simply had a harder than usual day. When I walked in I was shocked to see her with her forehead resting in her hands. She was sipping wine out of a huge water glass through a straw. Her eyes were vixen red. She’d been crying. I sat on the stool cattycorner from her. I reached out to touch her shoulder.

“What’s wrong sweet heart?” I was becoming upset.

Allie looked angry as well as very upset. A tear dropped from her eye. She suddenly stopped what seemed to be an endless sip through the straw. She took a very deep breath and let it out slowly with a hissing sound.

“I went to my gynecologist today. I’m pregnant.”

‘Oh my God…! That’s great; a baby…a new life! Maybe it’ll look like you. I can help take care of it. You know….like change the diapers? Don’t be upset. It’s no big thing. It’s our baby…ours.’

Allie had to sense what I was thinking. I mean I thought this was great news. We had been together such a short time and we’re going to have a baby. She took another very long sip of wine. She really shouldn’t be drinking in her condition.

“It’s not ours silly.” Another tear dropped from her eye. “It’s his. Simms’...”

‘Oh my God…! You’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking? You can’t get rid of it. It’s going to be a new life and I don’t care that I’m not the…father? I mean a child is a child and we can raise it any way we wish. You can’t terminate this life. Maybe it’ll be a girl and look just like you. You can’t be thinking of an abortion.’

“Well…there’s a piece of you in it and that’s worth a whole lot.” I couldn’t say what I was thinking but I did have to say something.

“There’s a piece of him in me.” Allie hissed with vehemence I’d never heard before and I hoped I’d never hear again. “And I want it out! I don’t want to have to look at anything that even remotely resembles him! Not ever…!”

‘Didn’t you use protection? What about the pill? You had to have used something? I mean you hardly knew the guy. It didn’t have to come to this.’

“I don’t know how this happened. He had to have done this intentionally; that fucking son of a bitch!” Allie slammed her palm down on the counter and burst into tears.

Now I really understood her anger and her fear. Suppose it was a boy and it did look exactly like him? She would have to go through life seeing his face every day. She certainly couldn’t even think of going through with the pregnancy and then giving the baby up. She did not want to perpetuate anything that might have come out of him.

“Have you told Jill?” I spoke softly trying to calm her.

“No…! Of course not…! I didn’t want to hear from her about…”

Allie looked at me in shock and her voice trailed off. I couldn’t imagine Jill being anything but supportive. She looked at me with such soulful and doe-like eyes; hopeful eyes.

“You’re the only one I’ve told. You’re the only one I’ll tell. You’re the only one I trust completely.”

Wow…! Now that was a ton of stuff to lay on me. But I was more than happy that I could bear the weight for her. In a sense I was now part of whatever occurred whether I wanted to be or not. But how could I not be? We were part of one another and my ‘other self’ was in pain.

I reached over and grabbed her wine glass and I took a giant sip. Now I could understand her wanting to have a drink. I knew that she knew that the wine would ultimately make absolutely no difference. But, hopefully, it would help ease the pain of her decision.

Allie loved children. She couldn’t resist looking into a covered baby stroller or stopping the mother and asking some dumb question just too able to watch the baby for a moment or two. Whenever we went to Central Park she would always want to go to the zoo and watch the children react to the amazing animals.

We’d stroll through the playground and watch the little ones running around and laughing and playing. This decision had to be extraordinarily painful for her. I reached for Allie’s hand and I took it in both of mine. We both smiled at having the very same thoughts.

“Whatever you want to do, whatever you need to do, I’ll be with you every step of the way. If you decide to have it, I will raise it with you. If you decide not to have it, I will be with you and hold your hand every inch of the way. I will be there with you.”

Allie began to cry again

...and she reached out for me. I got up and wrapped my arms around her and we embraced as both our tears soaked into the blouses we were wearing. Though we were crying together, I don’t know that it was for the same reasons. I wept because I would have liked to see that child. I would have liked to see a smaller and younger version of Allie.

I would have liked to be a large part of the baby’s life. I would have liked to see Allie perhaps keep the decision for a bit longer even if only a week or two or three. Maybe something within her would see past the horrid manner in which it was conceived. But that would never happen and the more I thought about it the more I cried.

I don’t know how long we hugged one another but eventually we managed to calm down enough to stop our tears. Of course the shoulders of our blouses were more than soaked. I heard Allie take a very deep and quivered breath.

“If I have anyone’s baby…” Allie whispered into my ear and then gently kissed it. “…it would be yours…ours.”

I was stunned. I took my head from her shoulder and looked at her. Allie was smiling through her tears. In spite of her tears, I saw something in her eyes that I’d seen before but couldn’t really recognize. I sort of felt what it was but feeling and knowing are so very different.

“I think I would like that very much.” I giggled through my tears. Then I laughed. “Do you remember when we first met?”

“Yeah…” Allie sniffled as she grabbed a napkin to dry her eyes.

“And you asked me if I was a drag queen…” I grabbed one and did the same. “…and I said no?”

“Yeah…” Allie looked at me questioningly.

“And you said ‘good’ because you had enough drama in your life?”

“Yeah…”

“You really weren’t kidding.”

She stared at me for a moment and we both began to laugh.

“Let’s get changed and put together something to eat.”

I knew doing something together would take her mind off of things.

“Good idea.”

We walked to ‘our’ bedroom, changed out of our clothes, washed the tears out of our eyes and tried to refresh ourselves. Allie put on a lovely satin night blouse that dropped to her hips and her robe and I donned my sleeping tee and my robe. On went our slippers and we walked back to the kitchen.

Allie threw together a salad whilst I pan fried some veggies and steamed up some rice. We sat and eat side by side, our bodies touching as if we could combine our energies and recoup our strength by sharing what we had left.

We got into bed early after doing our evening wash and ‘beauty’ rituals. Two scented tea candles provided just enough light to see one another’s face and body and Allie had some music playing softly. For a change Allie rested in my arms and upon my body.

Allie was needy and she didn’t need to tell me. Who wouldn’t be under such circumstances? She remained needy the rest of the week and into the next. We didn’t have sex as such but we did make love. There was a lot of caressing and petting and kissing. I would rest my head on the inside of Allie’s thigh and gently kiss and lick and play with her…’coochie’ as she called it?

And she would do the equivalent with me. It was kind of low keyed but very satisfying none the less. It was the trust and intimacy of resting upon her cradle of life that Allie so generously and lovingly afforded me. It also brought to mind once again that idea of being a lesbian in a boy’s suit.

We concocted a story why we had to be out of work on Tuesday of the next week. I insisted that we not lie about being out but Allie insisted on having the privacy she so desperately wanted. And so Allie was having a growth removed from her…plumbing? That worked better than I expected and everyone was sympathetic to the max. Peter even allowed me the luxury of taking the following day if Allie needed me.

We went to a woman run clinic that Allie’s gynecologist recommended and they were amazing. Everything was very low keyed and almost soothing from the moment we walked in. I was permitted to stay with Allie through the entire procedure although I sat with my back away from the ‘business’ end.

I held her hand and kissed her forehead and simply tried to keep my smile. With the exception of a little cramping after the procedure, Allie felt no pain. We were finished within a few hours and on our way back home.

Allie stared out the window of the cab as we rode in silence. I felt the entire thing was almost anti-climactic; so much emotional stress and build up and fears for what might as well have been a hang nail of a procedure. I certainly felt a sense of relief. I gently squeezed Allie’s hand and she turned and smiled at me. But there was sadness in her eyes and I understood.

I made her rest in bed. I catered to whatever need she had and tried, quite successfully I might add, to anticipate what her next need might be. I brought my easel in and did some sketching whilst Allie napped. I brought in whatever meal she felt like having. We spoke very little that afternoon.

More than a week went by and Allie remained in her subdued mood. There was little I could do to change that. I knew that although the physical portion of the ordeal was long finished, the mental portion still remained. I totally understood how she must have felt. One evening we went out for dinner at a local restaurant. She held my hand atop the table and simply gazed into my eyes. I knew that something was up.

That evening in bed Allie again rested her head atop my breast. Then she swiftly moved her entire body atop mine and looked down into my face. Allie gently stroked my cheeks and my hair as she seemed to take in every little aspect of my features. I could feel that my dick had parted her vaginal lips through our panties. I could feel the warmth and dampness. She was definitely excited.

“You know sweet heart… I was very serious when I said I wanted to have your baby.” She squeezed my cheeks forcing me to have a ‘fish mouth’ pout. “And so…” Allie continued as she gently shook my fish mouth from side to side. “I’m going off birth control completely starting yesterday.” She giggled…probably at my wide eyed stare. “So if you have any objections, now is the time to make them known?” Allie stared into my eyes for a moment.

I will always remember that moment in time. It was a momentous and cathartic moment for me. Someone actually had enough faith in me to want to share a blessing as sacred and as wonderful as a child; their child…our child. But this statement was more than simply a pronouncement of faith; it was in fact a planned decision, a desired and wanted decision.

“No objections?” Allie lilted and then shook my mouth again from side to side. “Good…” She giggled as she let go of my cheeks. “I think we’ll make excellent mothers.” She giggled again and then kissed me.

“Allie…” Now I was looking up directly into her eyes. “I do love you so very much.”

I felt tears welling up. Oh my God… I actually admitted it to her. I actually and finally admitted that to myself. I used the ‘L’ word.

“I know sweet heart. That’s why I know this is the right decision.” She giggled. “I knew you wanted me to have that baby when I told you I was pregnant.”

“But…” I was surprised she knew that.

“There are no ‘buts’ baby. I could see it in your eyes. But you went along and supported me even though you felt differently. I know that you understood how I felt. That could only mean one thing; you loved me.” Allie giggled. Her eyes then sort of became dreamy. “And I do love you sweet heart.” We kissed again and I hugged her even tighter.

“Ummm…”

I had to ask something but I felt embarrassed. Allie could tell by the disturbed look on my face that was very hard to hide.

“What is it sweet heart?” Allie lilted with a smile.

“Do you think…?” Oh my God… But I had to ask. “Do you think I’d be able to nurse it too?”

Allie chuckled.

“I don’t know sweet heart. We’ll have to ask Doctor Ginsberg. But if you do, it will probably involve an increase in your hormone intake as well as a change of hormones. You might lose the ability to use your thingy.”

“I don’t know if I want that.”

Oh my God…! Really…? I was only just beginning to enjoy having it.

“That doesn’t mean that we won’t be able to have fun. It only means that we’ll have fun in a different way. And it will also mean that we’ll need to get more sperm samples for use at a later date. After all, maybe we’ll have lots of kiddies. Could you handle that?” Allie laughed.

Lots of kiddies… Now there was a concept. Yeah… That would be pretty amazing. Although one would be a handful I’m sure. I hoped that the first one would be a girl and it would look just like Allie and not have my ponderous nose.

Allie kissed me and then began to slowly kiss her way down my body. She spent extra time kissing, sucking and licking my very sensitive nipples. Each time she would do something to either or both of them the sensation seemed to instantly translate to an electrical type of zap to my thingy. By the time she reached my navel, I was totally in chubby land.

Somewhere along her journey Allie had slipped her panty off and now she slipped mine down my legs and off as well. She grasped my dick and engulfed it in her mouth as her hands gently massaged my scrotum. I was becoming more and more excited. My hands could only reach her neck and shoulders and I rubbed them as best I could. Allie quickly got on her knees and straddled my waist. In one movement she slid herself down onto my stiffy.

I moaned and could have died from the extreme pleasure her movements brought me. But she wasn’t finished by any means. Allie leaned her body down against mine and, again with a swift, and strong, movement she rolled over until I was atop her. She giggled as she dug the heels of her feet into my butt cheeks and pulled me further into her. Allie looked into my eyes and smiled.

“I want you to come in me sweet heart. This is something I want to start tonight…right now.”

Allie pulled my face down to hers and she kissed me. Her tongue was brutally delicious as she swept the inside of my mouth and fought for domination with my tongue. Her hands pulled and delightfully pinched my nipples. I knew I wouldn’t last very long nor did Allie want me to. Her eyes sparkled with mischief. She knew exactly what she was doing and I wanted nothing to stop her. I was hers to do with as she pleased and that thought turned me on even more.

“Come on baby…come on!”

Allie muttered under her breath as I pumped into her, her heels spurring me on. I moaned and groan my pleasure as I finally built to the most unbelievable apex of pleasure. And then, with a loud squeal, I began to spurt into her. Allie seemed to time each pulsation of my dick with her heels trying to pull me in even deeper. I finally fell upon her in total exhaustion.

Allie let me rest for a while as my breathing started to return to normal. Once I had shrunk enough to fall out of her, or be pushed out, Allie quickly bounced me off of her and drew her knees up into her breasts crossing her legs.

She was trying to keep what I had given her deep within herself. I cuddled up alongside of her and placed my legs beneath her butt to aid her in this endeavor. It then occurred to me that she had only just undergone an abortion two weeks ago and might still be a little sore. But Allie didn’t care. She wanted to do this more than anything and nothing was going to stop her.

As I rested beside her, helping to keep her legs and pelvis raised. Allie turned her luscious face, blossoming bold pink, toward me and smiled lewdly.

“What About Bob???”

Peter also kept reminding me that sooner or later I would need to make the trip uptown to meet the account reps for the companies I was doing work on. I could tell that he felt kind of a loss at my having chosen Allie over him as a lover but, being the total gentleman he was; he never brought it up at all.

Of course that didn’t stop me, or him, from having ‘those’ feelings every so often when I was in his presence. And the occasional innocent touching…a hand…an arm…a hug…certainly didn’t help. It was more my doing than his. Allie and I would, on occasion, discuss my feelings toward Peter. I simply had to live with the fact that I was perhaps…bisexual?

Jill, always a frequent guest, came to dinner one evening. But on this evening she was scouting for Bob. She immediately went to my room out of habit. To her great surprise she found no art at all. Jill turned and looked at Allie and me. We had our arms around each other’s waist and were giggling.

“Oh shit…! I forgot!” Jill began to laugh. “I should have known from that disgustingly lovely glow you both seem to have.”

She then walked to where Allie’s studio once existed and was surprised to find that empty as well.

“We moved everything downstairs.” Allie giggled. “It was simply getting too crowded up here and we kind of like to work close together…sort of.”

“I’ll bet you do.” Jill smiled wryly. “Well I do want to see what you’ve both been up to but I suppose it can wait until I’ve at least been fed.”

“I do have some sketches in our bedroom.” I felt I had to offer at least a taste of something.

We walked across the apartment to our bedroom. Jill preceded us in and went immediately to my easel and the large sketchbook upon it. She began to look at the work and, as she did, her smile broadened. Jill’s expression suddenly turned to one of surprise. Then she arched one eye brow and a really wry smile crossed her lips. I couldn’t imagine what she was looking at.

"Has Allie seen this one?"

Jill pierced me with her glaring gaze.

“Which one…?”

I was truly curious and I walked to join her. It was a sketch of Allie showing what she might look like in her eighth month of pregnancy.

“I don’t know if she’s seen this one. It’s not exactly complete?” I offered.

To Jill’s great surprise I pick up the drawing and turned it so that Allie could see it. Allie smiled as she took the in image of her appearing quite pregnant.

“No…I haven’t seen that one.” Allie colored cherry red and giggled. “It’s…amazing. You should put it with the others when it’s finished.”

“Others…?”

Jill’s voice resounded in the lowest smoky alto voice I’d ever heard out of her mouth.

“Is there something I should know about???” She gazed at me and then Allie.

“Oh…not yet for sure, but you’ll be the first to know.” Allie grinned.

“Somehow…” Jill turned from Allie to look at me. “…I doubt that very much.” Then she snorted and chuckled.

After dinner we took Jill downstairs to the studio. I couldn’t really judge her reaction to what she was looking at because she said nothing. Her eyes were as wide opened as her mouth. I figured she either liked what she saw or she hated it so much that words failed her.

Every so often she would stop and spend an extra few moments with a particular piece. On occasion Jill would suddenly turn and look at me with a surprised, almost shocked, expression.

Allie and I held hands whilst in my studio. But we got even closer when we walked into hers. I had my arm around Allie’s waist and she had hers around mine. We had a number of joint works and Jill took her time examining them all. With the work Allie did exclusively, Jill took a bit of extra time; lifting and turning and gazing at each piece quite carefully.

“Well…” Jill said quite breathily. “Bob needs to see this as soon as possible.” Jill turned to me and smiled broadly. “I think he might want everything. He might even want to give you your own showing.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; my own showing? Sacred feces…! I know of really good artists who worked for years just to get a little wall space at Preston’s.

“I also think…” Jill again turned from a piece she wanted to see again in my studio. “…that you should consider giving up your day job.” She chuckled and the twinkle in her eye was enough to convince me she was very serious.

“What…?” Allie and I sang out almost simultaneously.

That would be a dream come true; earning a living just from my art.

“What about Allie?” It would be no fun without her around; my muse.

“Sorry Allie…” Jill turned to face her. “You’ll simply have to work for me forever.” Jill chuckled again and turned to face me. “Of course Allie as well… You silly…person!”

She shook her head as if to say; ‘Are you kidding?’ Jill continued to walk back to our apartment. She led the way as she continued to speak.

“You have some pieces here…well…” Jill shook her head. “I’m no judge of the market but I think they are worth quite a bit.”

Allie and I turned toward each other and hugged…and squealed in delight…and hopped up and down.

“So…” Jill drew out the word forever. “Have you two thought of names yet?”

“Names…?” Clue…less…!

“For our child…?” Allie rolled her eyes and giggled. "We're not pregnant...yet."

'We're'...? I had no idea of what a woman can be like when she's determined to become a mother. Allie was relentless in her need to try and procreate whenever and wherever in the apartment. It wasn't love, lust, rutting, sexual, or sensual. It was like... 'Get that boy junk into me so I can hoist my legs up'! She wanted this so badly that her pleasure came from me squirting into her.

That's not to say the experience wasn't pleasurable for me. But it is to say that it was exhausting! If she would awaken in the middle of the night we would do it. I wouldn't even be fully awake but Allie managed to draw something out of the end of my dick. We both knew from my new doctor, an older woman named Edith Weintraub, that I wasn't the most potent shooter going. So Allie decided that we would make our attempts no less than three times a day during her week of greatest fertility?

We spent the remainder of the evening with Jill speaking about all the things we’d like to do; both in life and in our art. The shock of what Jill said remained with us long after she left and later on, in bed, we spoke about it. With the aroma of Allie’s coochie still fresh on my face, we snuggled and held one another as we spoke of our dreams; OUR DREAMS. It was like a fairy tale come to life.

Of course the idea of leaving Peter and the work I had started for him didn’t quite sit well with me. I mean he was the one who took a chance hiring somebody right out of school and he did kind of ‘hide’ my ‘eccentricity’? I really felt bad about the very thought of leaving. Allie suggested that maybe I could work per diem or by the job where I didn’t have to be anywhere in particular every day.

And then, of course, there was the money. I managed to go through the money from the last show rather quickly. Finances, and all matters thereof, were now totally Allie’s territory. I had great faith in her abilities to set a budget for us and keep us to it…within reason. With the very distinct probability of a new added addition to our little family unit, her particular talents in this area became even more important.

First Bob Preston had to be called and I had to deal with him…with Jill’s help of course. He couldn’t wait to come and see what Jill had raved so adamantly about. The next day at work I was so elated that my joy showed the moment I walked through the door.

“Well…” Rhona said as I sat down with my coffee. “You’ve been getting laid so it can’t be that.” She smiled and laughed.

I, of course, nearly coughed up the mouthful of coffee I only just sipped.

“Oh… You poor dear… Did I embarrass you?” She spoke with an oh so smug expression on her face.

“No… It’s just that sometimes the things you say are a bit much?” I giggled.

“Well… You had to see the very self-satisfied expression you had when you sat down. So what’s going on? You’re not pregnant…are you?” She gazed very seriously at me.

“No…! WE’RE not pregnant.

What is it with you and Jill anyway? Are you and Jill comparing notes? Or what…?”

I was just a little bit peeved. I mean just because I have a girlfriend and we’re having a serious relationship…sort of…well no…we have a very serious relationship…was no reason to assume anything. Anyway, that doesn’t mean we’re trying to have a baby even if we are. I mean… It’s not really anybody’s business; right? But then again, they are sort of like mother hens and I must admit I do enjoy sharing little bits of gossip with Rhona.

“Well…?” Rhona leaned in a bit as if we were going to trade world class secret intelligence.

“I think I’m going to have another showing.”

I couldn’t contain myself any longer. I set the cup down and with hands flying about I told her what Jill had said…and didn’t say for that matter.

“Oh my God…! That is really big news; and very exciting. If you do really well in this showing you might need to quit your day job.”

Rhona laughed but I nearly fell over. Was all of this so very obvious? Am I really that clueless? Of course I made light of that possibility.

We spoke at length about a number of things that mostly centered on whether or not I was happy. I hadn’t really ever thought about that before. No one ever bothered to ask really. As I sat and spoke with Rhona, I realized that indeed I was happy. I was more than happy.

I had a great place to live. I had this great job. I had people who really cared whether I got up in the morning or not. My art was at least marketable? I had Allie who really cared for, and about, me. I even had a few friends like Peter and Rhona and Jill. It all kind of made up for all the shit I had to take along the way and for the childhood I never really had.

I felt so elated that when Peter walked in I quickly got up, hugged him and then I planted a huge kiss right on his lips. I definitely caught him by surprise although shock would be a better way to describe it.

”And what has gotten into you this morning.” Peter laughed.

I clutched my hands in front of me, shrugged my shoulders, rolled my eyes, and giggled.

“I’m simply having a good life today.”

“Well…” Peter smiled sympathetically for some reason I was yet to understand. “We need to speak. Give me a few minutes and then come to my office, okay?”

“Sure…” At least he was still smiling.

I looked toward Rhona who simply shrugged her shoulders. For once somebody else was as clueless as me. I got Peter’s coffee ready and, with a shrug and a hopeful smile, I left Rhona and walked down the hallway to Peter’s office. He was just about to sit down at his desk as I walked in. I placed the coffee near his right hand and gazed down at his less than happy expression.

“Please Andi…” He motioned toward the chair in front of his desk.

Andi…? He almost never calls me that. Uh oh…! I sat down in front of his desk and leaned forward hunching my shoulders slightly.

“I received a call from the account rep for Scoville Industries. Evidently old Mister Scoville is anxious to see what we have thus far. He wants to meet with the rep and us on Monday.”

MONDAY…? SACRED FECES…!

“Have you been in contact with Susan?”

“Uhhh… Yes... We don’t really speak regularly but I call at least once a week and keep her up to date on what we’re doing. And…you know…just…just to talk about things?”

“Well…maybe the two of you could have lunch this week. Try to get a feel on what the old man is looking for.”

I nodded. I would call her this morning for sure.

“The thing of it is…”

Now I could see that Peter was having trouble saying whatever he needed to say. He took a deep breath and continued.

“You will definitely need to be there and the old man is expecting Andrew?”

Ooopsies…! I had absolutely no boy clothes anywhere. And I really wasn’t disposed to dressing any way other than the way I was most comfortable. I definitely needed to speak with Susan!

“Peter…” Peter held up his hand and stopped me before I could say anything.

“I don’t expect you to be or do anything that you’re not comfortable with. You know that I will go as far as I can for you should it become an issue. I don’t expect it to but…you never know.”

“Well…? I do have an attorney working on that situation.”

“I realize that sweet heart. But these things go slowly when a corporate bureaucracy is involved. And certainly the uptown crowd is aware of your…transitioning? There is some resistance to that entire thing. But it’s more envy over your getting two major accounts with virtually no effort.”

Well…there goes that ‘happy today’ feeling. I mean I expected some resistance to the way I dress? But because everyone here was more than accustomed to my sense of style it never occurred to me that I might need to go ‘uptown’. Peter leaned forward and put his arms on the desk top.

“How far along are we in the packaging redesign and new logo?”

“I bet ‘what’s his name’ is gone.” I gazed off into space as I spoke.

“What?”

“Susan’s husband…’what’s his name’.” I said under my breath. “This might be good for us.” I looked back at Peter. “If Susan is now running things, Mister Scoville might simply want to see what she’s buying from us. What does he look like anyway?”

I had an idea. Peter, bless his heart, knew me well enough to simply do a search. In no time at all he had numerous pictures of Mister Scoville and even a few viddies. I got up and walked around to his side of the desk. I stood at his right as we both looked at the pictures.

“Your scent…”

“Huh???”

“It’s very distracting you know.” He laughed.

“It’s supposed to be.” I giggled. “There… That one… And those two…” I said pointing to several pictures. “Can you e-mail them to me?”

“Of course… Anything else boss…?” Peter chuckled.

“Yeah… Let’s watch a few of the videos. I’d like to get an idea of how he moves and what he looks like aside from promo shots.”

We watched several videos and it was easy to see the resemblance between Susan and her father. He was a tall wiry distinguished looking gentleman whose physical movements were forceful, powerful, directed and without wasted energy. His eyes were the same amazing deep blue color and, of course, he had the same piercing stare that was quite evident in Susan. I knew could do something with that image; that personage.

I knew that the current logo for Scoville Industries was very industrial; an ‘S’ and an ‘I’ in kind of an iron work steely grey with rivets linking the parts forming the letters. This was on a field of red. It was…well…industrial.

I immediately thought of doing something to personalize that image. It might not fly as a logo but it would certainly work for a segment of the industrial division’s products; particularly the ones that a person used like the hand tools.

My mind drifted off deeply into the idea, as it often does when I have one, which is almost all the time, because the next thing I realized was Peter was gently trying to draw my attention.

“Where are you sweet heart?”

I looked into his gorgeous eyes and smiled. Normally one would think of that sort of appellation as being…sexist? But I didn’t feel that way with Peter. I guess it was one of the connections we seemed to have with one another which sometimes made working with him a breeze and staying faithful to Allie such a challenge.

“I just had an idea I think I’d like to play with. I don’t think it might make a difference as far as the overall package of work we’re doing? But it might be just the thing to show the Scovilles to let them know that we’re looking at more than just one or two areas…and ideas. People love to have choices.” I smiled.

Peter sat back in his chair and kind of moved slightly away from me. He grinned as he leaned back and stretched out his legs.

“You know… I love the way your face lights up when you have something; an idea. I could almost feel the energy when it hits you.” He smiled and chuckled. “It’s like watching genius at work.”

“You know… Flattery will get you everything.” I giggled.

I laughed and felt the terror of having to appear uptown in person melt away a bit.

“When can I see something?”

Peter’s expression turned serious. He must really be concerned with next Monday’s meeting. Certainly the image that ‘Andrew’ would cast is enough of a worry in itself. Accounts have been lost for sillier reasons then simply the manner of dress…literally…of one of the ‘team’ members.

“Oh God Peter… I really am not sure. This is going to be a lot of work. I have to get it just right. If I do…it’ll really make the day. I promise you that.”

I folded my arms beneath my boobettes, it was really nice to not have to wear the fakes ones anymore, looked down at my shoes and noticed I scuffed one of them. Crappers… And I thought about a time frame. Finally I smiled and looked up at him. I would have to put in a lot of extra time on this one.

“Certainly the concept drawings will have to be done before Friday so that if you think they’re missing something, or are off the topic I will have a couple of days to revise or change them completely. Let’s say before Friday morning?” My smile definitely radiated. It reflected in Peter’s grin.

“Good… That sounds like a plan to me. If you’d prefer to work at home…that’s fine too. I know that there are distractions here from the staff. Oh… By the way… Your bonus check finally came in.” Peter handed me an envelope.

“Doesn’t it go straight into the bank?” I never got one of those before.

“Well…” Peter chuckled. “They think seeing the check makes a bigger impression. I must tell you that I think it could have been more. But we’ll see what kind of billing the Scovilles bring in. Then I can argue with authority.”

I stuck the check into my purse. I needed to remember to hand it over to Allie.

That was true. One artist or another was always at my desk about something. And then there was Rhona. It wasn’t that she was a distraction as much as every time I passed her desk I could barely resist sitting for ‘just a minute’ and talking with her. And then there was the main event, so to speak, the boss himself!

I felt myself committed to Allie in every possible way except…well…there was still this little physical thing that still existed between Peter and me. To deny it was only to deny something very powerful within me. Ever since I began sleeping with Allie I began to look at Peter less and less as a ‘partner’ or mate and more as an object…a very handsome, genteel, walking and talking penis!

Indeed I even began to gaze upon women with a new perspective. Perhaps that very first, and only, experience was simply a case of ignorance on both our parts and a lack of hygiene on hers. I would walk down the street somewhere and suddenly I would notice a particular woman and I’d wonder…you know? What would she be like in bed?

But then I’d notice her shoes were awful or her hair color was all wrong or something. Or perhaps I’d be standing gazing into the same window and then she’d open her inviting mouth and…ewww…the whiney voice!!! Allie was simply too perfect in my mind to even seriously think about any other woman.

However, that didn’t help me with a totally new problem; the chubby-stiffy thing. I mean I had them from time to time but not with enough frequency to present a problem? And I could usually rid myself of the ‘situation’ rather quickly by thinking of a project I was involved with.

But ever since Allie and I began to seriously cohabitate, she would immediately ‘jump’ on the situation…well…not literally…and not all the time anyway. ButI began to associate a stiffy with her ministrations. The result was that they no longer simply disappeared with the onset of other thoughts.

I began to wear more blazers and traditionally cut women’s suits. Cardigan’s that fell to mid-thigh, or even vestment length, also became a part of my wardrobe. I really needed a solution and had to speak to Allie about this situation.

All of these thoughts were running through my mind as I sat down in my cubicle and picked up my phone to call Susan. My mind was still in another place when I heard her voice.

“Andi… What a delight to hear from you.”

“Hi Susan… How are you?

She must have heard something in my voice. Though we didn’t speak that often, I was usually jumping out of my skin with excitement over something to tell her.

“What’s up sweet heart? You sound a bit out of sorts.”

“OH my God Susan…so many things are happening all at once and maybe I’m a little bit overwhelmed?”

I can’t believe that I actually said that to a client. But truly she was more of a friend and didn’t hesitate or feel put off.

“Well then… Let’s have lunch…

…or dinner if that’s more convenient.”

“When would it be good for you?”

“How about Friday…we can have lunch and make it a long lunch and a short day.” Susan laughed.

“Oh my God… That would be so great. It won’t be any trouble?”

“Not any more dear... I have a few tidbits for you as well.” Susan chuckled. “We can dine at my private club. I think you’ll find it an interesting experience.”

We spoke for a few more minutes about nothing in particular. It was more to simply feel the presence of a ‘kindred soul’ on the other end of the phone; the knowledge that we were not alone. I went to immediately let Peter know.

“You…” Peter said as he took me by my arms and shook me slightly. “…are amazing. She actually invited you?”

I nodded my head. I wasn’t that surprised…at least not as much as Peter.

“I have never had a client invite me to lunch unless they expected something in return.”

“I think she simply wants to talk…you know? We each have lots of goodies to relate.” I smiled and giggled.

“‘Girl talk’ I suppose…?” Peter chuckled.

“Yeah… I guess.”

Peter laughed. I mean who wouldn’t. I mean I am a guy…sort of… And Susan, for some reason, felt comfortable enough with me to tell me the most intimate things.

“Where are you two going to meet?” Peter returned to his desk and sat.

“Well…” I clasped my hands behind my back, shrugged my shoulders and kind of rolled my eyes. “I’m not sure? She said she’s a member of some private club and I think we’re meeting there? It’s uptown somewhere in the eighties on the East side…in a townhouse or something?”

Peter stared at me for a moment. Then he broke into a big grin. “If it’s the place I’m thinking of, you should have a really great time. In fact my mother was a member of a sorority club up in that part of town. It would be something if it was the same club.”

“What should I wear?”

I was clueless. If this was one of those fancy clubs I would really need to plan everything. I would certainly need a trim and I should have my nails done anyway.

“Don’t worry sweet heart. Whatever you wear will be fine. You always look great and it is a working day so you have lots of leeway. Just be you and it won’t matter at all.”

I couldn’t wait to tell Allie so I called her on my way home. I decided that there was no way I could get any work done on such short notice at the office so I opted to work at home. Allie was really excited about everything; the lunch date as well as the big meeting on Monday. Of course she offered to take some time off to help me if I needed an extra hand.

The moment I got home I changed into something more comfortable and went into the office; my former bedroom. I downloaded and printed the pictures I needed as well as the videos of Mister Scoville. I began to sketch out several poses and gestures using his face as my model. I also downloaded and printed their current tool catalogue? I had no idea of what kind of tools they made.

Next step…wardrobe... I downloaded and printed pictures of people working at construction sites to see how they were dressed. Then I searched to see if Scoville Industries made such clothing. Fortunately for me they did. I could present Mister Scoville wearing his company’s clothes, a hard hat, and handling his company’s tools. I think that would be a nice surprise for him. At least it would show that we were thinking of new ways to present their products.

Now all I had to do is create something to give to Peter and to present on Monday. What was it that guy said; ten percent inspiration and ninety percent perspiration? I had to get the scale right and of course the coloration had to be perfect.

I didn’t even hear Allie come home. She simply let me work undisturbed. It wasn’t until I smelled an outrageously aromatic aroma coming from the kitchen did I even realize the time! I had worked nearly seven hours without a break. At least I had a few drawings that were to my liking and ready for some color. I lined the sketches up along the windowsill and stood back to view them all.

“Hi baby…” Allie walked in and hugged me from behind. She kissed the side of my face and I caught a whiff of her cologne. “How are you doing?” She rested her cheek against mine and gazed at the work I’d done.

I melted back into her. My hands quickly found hers and pulled them even a bit tighter around me. I closed my eyes and inhaled her scent deeply. Allie was also in her comfort clothes and I could feel the terry cloth of her robe against my arms.

“What are you doing baby doll? Who is that?”

One of Allie’s hands went beneath my sweatshirt to cup my boobette and slowly massage my nipple. Her other hand went down the front of my sweat pants and into my panty. Allie firmly cupped my scrotum and, with her thumb, rubbed my dick. I could barely hear her question let alone answer it.

“Andi…? Sweet heart…? Who is that?” She asked again with a giggle.

“Uhhh…”

The sensations had me totally paralyzed…and she knew it! Allie tugged at my eye lobe with her teeth and then slowly ran her tongue around the edge of my ear only to plunge it deep into it.

“Why Andi…”

“Am I getting you all wet and excited?”

Sure!!! She could giggle as I felt myself leak onto her thumb and she rubbed it onto the very tip of my dick.

“Maybe it’s time for a dinner break?” Allie snickered as she left me...unabated?

“Uhhh… Okay…” I would have agreed to anything at that point anyway.

I spun whilst still in Allie’s grasp and I hugged her to me as her arms went around my back and I kissed her on the lips. It was a very ‘lippy’ touch; very full. Though we had been together for some time now…nearly two and a half months as…us…I never failed to be surprised at her desire for me; or mine for her.

Women like her, attractive, successful, doing things in life, always seemed to have these very macho types of guys in tow. I was far from that. Indeed I couldn’t be much farther from that. Even Allie’s false love was a big macho kind of guy. So when I think about being able to touch her, kiss her, and taste her and, at day’s end, sleep next to her, I thought of the entire thing as nothing less than a miracle.

Allie had set out an assortment of ‘easy’ food on the coffee table in the cave. She had scented candles aglow and piano music playing softly. Chopin I think. The ambience was quite romantic. We sat at our usual ends and I surveyed the feast before our eyes. Allie had purchased Italian sliced meats and some cheeses. I was acquiring a taste for these foods. The trick for me was getting past the odor.

Allie prepared a plate of different things including some of the salad she put together for me and for herself. She poured a goblet of red wine for each of us. We put our feet up so that our soles were touching and we began to dine and speak about our workday. Of course I had the more interesting day even though it was mostly spent at home.

“Do you think you’ll have any…you know…trouble?”

Allie was referring to having the meeting with the account executive and Mister Scoville dressed in my ‘normal’ attire.

“Well…Peter doesn’t think so. In fact he thinks I can look quite…stylish?”

“I’ll bet he does.” Allie sounded just a bit catty as she spoke.

“And Susan…”

“Susan…?” Allie sounded incredulous and clueless.

“I did a portrait of her with her three children? I’m using her face as part of a logo for the household divisions?”

I rattled off two or three other things but nothing seemed to register. Allie usually remembered everything.

“Peter and I had that dinner with her husband?”

“Ohhh… That Susan... That was the night you almost…”

“Yes…” I was quick to say because I knew what was coming next. “…but I didn’t.”

“So… Why are you having lunch with her?”

Allie set her plate down and sat up. She moved closer toward me and wrapped her arms around my knees for support.

“Well…” I lilted as I felt Allie’s fingers touch the back of my knees. “Peter wanted me to get an idea of what to expect Monday. So he had me call her.”

“But why you…? I mean… Shouldn’t he be the one to call? After all, he is the boss.” I didn’t understand what Allie was getting at.

“Well…I do speak to her from time to time…you know…to kind of give her updates? So he felt that I should be the one to call.”

“From time to time…?” Allie’s grin belied her growing…consternation?

“Well…” I felt myself suddenly on the defensive. “Maybe once a week…?”

“Once a week…? Do you text her as well?”

“Text her…?” Clue…less…!

“She’s the one who showed you her boobs in the lady’s room…right?”

Allie removed her feet from mine and got up on her knees. She rested her arms on my knees and her chin on her arms. Her smile was similar to that of the spider just about to jump all over the proverbial poor fly. Her amazing blue eyes were fixed upon mine.

“Listen… She was letting down at the table and didn’t notice it. I simply went along to help her.”

“Help her…? Did she have nice boobs? Did she turn you on?”

Oh…my…God…! Allie’s jealous?

“I mean it’s bad enough I have Peter to worry about. Now this…this…” Allie was sounding more exasperated by the moment. “…this Susan…? It’s bad enough I have to fall for a guy in a girl suit…”

Who…me…? No way…!

“…who happens to think he’s also a lesbian…maybe...”

What…?

“…who would love to spread them for his boss…”

Well…not really… Okay… So maybe a little bit…?

“… and who happens to look better than me in a skirt!”

Now that’s definitely NOT true…at least I don’t think so. I had to put an end to this. I pulled my feet up disrupting Allie’s pose and I reached out, putting my arms around her neck.

“There is nobody…nobody…I’d rather be with at any time than you. You are just so…amazing, wonderful, warm, gorgeous, giving…I can’t even think of enough things to say AND…” I had to make this point. “…you have the most amazing boobs.” I had to say it: The ‘L’ word. “And I do love you so much that…”

“I’m pregnant.”

“What…???”

I was stunned. I was shocked. I was…stunned and shocked! I never dreamed that this would ever happen to me. As the news slowly penetrated my brain I began to smile so broadly that my face actually hurt. Her words echoed in my ears as I stared at her totally amazing countenance. I should have expected as much anyway. Allie threatened to bless us in such a manner but for some reason her ‘warning’ never sunk in.

I couldn’t hold her or kiss her or praise her greatness enough to fully express the joy I felt. I was in tears. She was in tears. We both were in tears. When we calmed ourselves enough to finish up our meal, we literally worked side by side, me giving way only at the doorway to the kitchen. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her body as if it would bloom before my very eyes. Allie would notice me staring at her and giggle with a blush.

I normally fell asleep in Allie’s arms snuggled up tight against her body. But on this evening Allie fell asleep in mine. She felt needy I’m sure. She wanted my unconditional assurance that having this child was the only thing to do. I hardly slept. The aroma of her natural scent and the warmth and soft plushness of her body kept me awake. I gazed at her, asleep, her mouth slightly open, and purring like some large kitten, and tears of thanksgiving flowing from my eyes.

The next several days were intense. I noticed every little thing Allie did, or didn’t do, with wide-eyed wonder. From the moment she got up and barfed, to the moment when she would rest her head upon me, I was in awe of her…condition?

Allie was now totally made of awesomeness! She blossomed and bloomed from moment to moment and every action she took, no matter how minor, became a four-movement ballet. She had turned from mere muse to art itself; personified by her very being. A tiny piece of me had joined with a tiny piece of her and now we were truly one.

I hadn’t really had a chance to tell anyone and we decided that with the exception of Jillian and Peter, and maybe Rhona, the news would remain private for a while. I think Allie was looking for a chance to really absorb what we were embarking upon. And, to be quite honest, I needed that time as well.

I found it very difficult to keep my mind focused on my project and I found myself outside every so often simply trying to air my brain out. When I managed to get downstairs to the studio, I discovered that my work was changing as well. I seemed to be transfixed upon curves and, well, roundness? And size was becoming an issue. I was looking at progressively larger works using panels rather than mere canvasses. I chuckled when it occurred to me that perhaps my work was pregnant as well.

I began a new series of sketches.

I wanted to portray this entire pregnancy thing. I started a new sketchpad specifically for this purpose. I wasn’t sure of what medium I would finally be using or even if I would translate these sketches into something more formal but I felt this was going to be very important to both of us.

Thus began my toughest week as an artist and our most wonderful week as a couple. Bob and Jill came to visit on Tuesday evening. I was too involved with coloration of my drawings for the Scovilles to spend more than a cursory few minutes with them so Allie acted the part of tour guide and showed them, Bob actually, what I’d done.

Within a few minutes Allie and Jill returned. Bob was taking more than quick glance at the works. They went downstairs where I assumed dessert was being unmasked. Allie didn’t seem to crave anything unusual; just more of whatever the flavor of the day was. I had completely lost track of time when the ladies returned nearly an hour and a half later.

“Where’s Bob?” Jill looked around the area she could see.

“Uhhh…”

I’d actually forgotten he was there. I get that way when I’m working on something; anything.

“I thought he was downstairs with you.” My eyes never left the drawing I was working on.

“Hmmpphh…”

Jill crossed her arms with a slightly sour expression on her face and stomped off to the other areas of the studio in search of the elusive Bob.

“What do you think?” I asked Allie; my eyes still of the work.

“I kind of like the muted colors? It’s sort of like… Hmmm… The New Yorker cover…?”

“Yeah…” I said turning to face her. “I wanted something that gave the feel of the product longevity; kind of institutionalized from father to son. You know?”

Bob suddenly appeared looking a bit paler than his usually tanned personage. He sat down and gazed at me with a look of wonder upon his face.

“What do you think Bob? This is for a hand tool logo.” Bob looked at the drawing, now on an easel, and turned back to gaze at me.

“The colors are too muted. Go cartoon; make the shirt pop out. Your logo needs to compete with simple designs featuring bright colors. Muted will fade into the back ground.” Bob spoke rather softly. He was definitely distracted. “I believe you have some pieces that I might be able to get close to six figures for.”

“What…?”

Allie was obviously stunned. I barely heard him. I was still engrossed with my work.

“I think there are at least a half dozen I could sell…hmmm…maybe this week? Privately of course…” ‘Of course…’ I thought. “The rest…well… I could build an entire show around them but I would rather give you just the main room. Anything remaining I can always take for the small room later on. I don’t think we need to unload so much of your work at one time. You’re almost too productive and I don’t want to flood the market with your work.”

“Ummm… Okay….” I smiled innocently.

In truth, I wasn’t half as interested in what he was saying about the completed stuff. I was mulling over his criticism of the logo thingy and considering that he might be correct in his assessment.

“Bob…”

Allie was taking this all in with Jill who also had a stunned look on her face. Bob looked at Allie.

“Yes dear…”

“How much do you think you might get for what you’ve seen?”

“Honestly… I don’t know? I’ve taken photos of everything, including some of the pottery. I’ll have to really look at them at greater length and match them up with some of the collectors I know. I would say that it should be a few hundred thousand dollars to Andi. At least for starters...”

“What…?!” Allie and Jill spoke simultaneously.

Bob inched his glasses up a bit on his nose and again turned to gaze at me.

“I have never seen such work out of someone so young before.”

”I am truly stunned.”

“Several pieces are unusually original in style; particular the more modern themed pieces.” Bob turned toward me. “Your use of space and form is amazing, simply amazing. And the use of color is…well…amazing?”

Bob removed his glasses and, taking a linen handkerchief from his pocket, began to wipe the lenses.

“I hate like hell to use the word, but, some of this work is pure genius.”

Bob exhaled on one lens and began the wiping process again as he stared intently at me. He turned toward Allie and Jill.

“He didn’t hear a single word I said…did he.”

“He’s thinking.” Allie said with a giggle. “Sometimes he gets like that.”

“You need to speak with Allie and me about money…or arrangements…or anything else that involves Andi.” Jill said with a chuckle as she turned to look at me. “Andi is simply not with us; at least at the moment.”

That was so very true. My mind was on the color red. Was it too standout? Spacing out of the world often happens to me. It was my thinking time. I simply let the world slip by, especially when I walked home and I focus my mind on something at hand; usually a project or an idea. Fortunately Allie often took up my slack.

The ladies took Bob upstairs to continue talking about the showing whilst I tormented myself with coloration. I wondered if Mr. Scoville had a favorite color. That would be the one thing I had to be sure to ask Susan when we met.

That evening in bed Allie simply couldn’t contain her excitement. As she sat upon me beneath the covers, bent over and caressing my face, her smile was so very radiant as she spoke of the showing and what Bob had planned. Art as a living was one thing, but art as a business was a complete mystery to me. In spite of my success at the first showing and the critical reviews that followed, I couldn’t understand why anyone would pay the kind of money Bob was speaking about for something I did.

We made love that night with Allie taking the lead…as usual. But this was different then our sexual activities in the past. There wasn’t that frantic frenetic feel to it. I understood this to be due to the fact that Allie was now pregnant and her very basic desire, being fulfilled, was sated. That night she did say something that puzzled me greatly…though not for very long.

“Oh my God… You still work here?” Rhona said with a smile and a chuckle as I walked in.

“Well… For the moment anyway...” I nervously giggled. “At least until Peter sees the work.”

“Oh come on sweet heart…” Rhona snickered. “He’s in love with you.”

I removed my coat and poured my usual cup of coffee. Our impending blessed event was still a secret but I had other little tidbits to share with Rhona until Peter arrived. Of course the showing was now looming large in my mind. I had a chance to absorb what Bob had said.

Rhona was very excited of course…

…and wanted to have every little detail. I told her as much as I could and was on the verge of elaborating on a point when Peter came through the door. He never failed to shake his head and smile when he observed the two of us busily chatting away. His eyes went directly to my large portfolio case leaning against the wall.

“Okay my dear…” I did so love his little terms of endearment. “I’ll grab the portfolio and you grab our coffees.”

He took the case and walked down toward his office. I fixed his coffee, grabbed mine, and followed along. Peter already had the home division renderings out and upon his easels when I entered. I placed his coffee on his desk and stood silently letting him take them in and hoping he liked what he saw.

“What are these?”

Peter turned and looked at me with his brows arched in surprise.

“Just an idea…a little something extra…” I giggled nervously. “I thought that since Susan’s face could be on the household items, maybe her father’s face should be on some of the industrial things like the hand tools?”

Peter stared at me for a moment but I recognized that look of being somewhere else for the moment; thinking. After a moment or two he nodded his head and turned back to look over the work again.

“And the new box designs?” Peter asked with eyebrows arched as he looked at the sketches.
.
“I sent them to the printing department. You should have the a dozen of each sheet in cardboard later this morning.”

“Okay… Good…” Peter turned to me after the longest moment of looking at my work again. “I like what you have here.” He turned his head back to the drawings quickly for a moment again. “But…” He held up his index finger and gazed into my eyes intently. “…he would never wear a red shirt.”

“What…? Why not…?”

“I have rarely seen a worker in a red shirt. They go for denim…you know those blue chambray shirts? Make the shirt that color blue and the denim type of cut. Also, roll up the sleeves.”

“What…? How do you know that they do the roll up thing?” I was clue…less… Again…!

“It’s quite obvious that you’ve never looked at construction workers on the street.” Peter laughed and blushed cardinal red. “That’s one of my favorite past times when I’m walking around town. I particularly find the younger ones more…interesting?”

Once I knew that Peter was satisfied with my work, save the chambray shirt, I grabbed the sketches and I rush out of the office and down to the salon. They were just opening up as I came to the door. Even though the hour was early, I really didn’t have enough time. We got right to work and within an hour or so my hair was trimmed and my nails done.

I rushed home to take a quick shower. I hated the itchiness of all those tiny hairs on my back and neck that somehow always seemed to elude the second shampoo and the blow drier. I had only just wrapped a towel around myself and went to the mirror to begin to think about my face when my cell phone erupted in tones.

“Hello Andi darling… It’s Susan.”

“Hi Susan… Is everything alright?”

I was torn between having the lunch cancelled and having it on time; less than an hour from now.

“No…everything is terrible!”

She said as I held my breath. “I want to go out and play and all of these adults in dull grey flannel suits keep coming up with little diversions to keep me busy.” Susan spoke in a faux whiny voice that caused me to giggle. “Let’s meet at one thirty. I know this divine little French bistro on Fifty-Sixth Street. It’s not far from the office and the food is truly amazing.”

“Oh that will be wonderful. To be perfectly honest, I’m really running a little behind anyway.”

“Okay then… We’ll meet there. I’ll text you the address.”

“Thanks Susan… See you in a bit.”

I was thrilled. I got a short reprieve; just long enough to do the essentials. I began to exfoliate my lips as I thought about my outfit for the lunch. Of course not going to a private club put my fashion slut back into the proverbial closet. I would be seen by the masses…so to speak. And I did want to look at least modestly professional.

Of course my wardrobe was really based upon work and everything was kind of preppy? I definitely needed to go shopping with Allie. I found this lovely silk print blouse in a cream color and I would need to go with a grey lightweight wool skirt and a blue blazer. For sure I wouldn’t be quite as fashionable as I would have loved to be but I would certainly be business-like.

I went with my usual day time cosmetics; a touch of concealer, for some reason I’d begun to develop zits, mascara, and a berry pink lip stain. I dressed, ran my brush through my hair, and rushed out of the bathroom to put on a pair of cordovan low heeled pumps. On last look in the mirror and I was off to the door to grab my coat and bag.

The cab ride uptown was blessedly short. I arrived outside the restaurant just at the appointed time. After paying the fair, I gazed at the small establishment for a moment. This was literally around the block from where Allie worked. Whenever I was in the area the thought always occurred that perhaps I would surprise her.

I entered the restaurant to the assault of the most delightful aromas imaginable. The maître de stood by his small podium and smiled graciously. With a rather thick French accent he greeted me and asked if I had a reservation. I explained that I was meeting someone for lunch. He inquired if that person perhaps had a reservation. I gave him the name. He didn’t even bother to look at his list.

“Ahhh… Mais oui...” His smile became even broader. “She is one of our favorite quests.”

He stepped away from his podium and, with a sweep of his arm, gestured for me to follow him.

I was led through the small restaurant to the rear corner where a deep rich looking wood and frosted glass partition stood. The glass was etched with vines, tiny flowers and bunches of grapes. Behind the partition was a table for four with only two place settings. Fresh cut flowers in a fine crystal fluted holder provided a just the right burst of color.

Amidst the elegance of the place settings and the crystal and all sat Susan. Her smile was delicious and she stood to greet me with a kiss on each cheek and a slightly more lingering one on my lips. We clutched hands as she gushed her greeting.

“Andi dear… You look wonderful.” She spoke in her throatiest alto. “If I didn’t know any better, I would swear you were…in love…or pregnant?” She chuckled.

I nearly fell over!

“Well…” I rolled my eyes and ground my teeth.

“Oh… You do have news…don’t you.” Susan snickered as her face lit up. “Do sit and tell me everything.”

The maître de held out my chair and the waiter held Susan’s. Susan immediately put in a wine order which was fine with me. I was going to need a glass or two for this session. I had to start off with the biggest news…or at least the latest.

“I’m having a showing and the dealer told me I should give up my ‘day job’?”

“Really…!” Susan spoke the word quite breathily and leaned in a bit closer with a concerned look upon her face.
“Are you going to?”

“No… I kind of like it where I am? And anyway, it’s kind of like doing commissioned work.” I giggled. “If I do back off a bit I can hopefully do consulting work.” I placed my hand atop Susan’s. “After all, I do so enjoy the clients.”

“Good…!” Susan laughed. “I do so enjoy my…outsource people?”

I went on to tell her that this was going to be a very important show for me and I went on to describe some of the new things I was doing. Susan was all ears as she seemed to take in every word.

“Oh…but you simply must send me the information. Perhaps I can even stop by for a…pre-showing?”

“I think that Bob Preston has the rights to just about everything…but sure! I’d love to have you come and look.”

“So…” A wry smile suddenly appeared on Susan’s face and her eyes narrowed. “Obviously you’re not pregnant; then who is? I mean you do have that look.”

How could she ever guess? And I have that…look?

“Oh God Susan…the entire thing is so strange…and wonderful.”

“I thought…” Susan leaned in even closer. “…that with the way you and Peter were looking at one another, you two would have been a couple by now.”

“I know…I know… And I still find him…maybe too attractive?”

“Who wouldn’t?” Susan chuckled. “But is it him…or his cock that attracts you?” Though Susan’s language shocked me, she did have a good point. “Never mind… So… Who’s the lucky woman?”

“My roommate…? I mean it just kind of happened?”

“Ohhh…? Really...? ‘It just kind of happened’?” Susan chuckled again. “It’s funny how those things do. I do remember you speaking about her. I would guess she a very nice woman; very femme as I recall you saying.”

“I mean she’s been kind of my muse? I paint and draw her quite frequently.”

I was so excited even speaking about Allie’s…delicate condition?

“Ahhh…” Susan nodded and smiled knowingly. “A muse is one thing…

But really Andi dear… Pregnant…?”

“These things simply don’t ‘just happen’.” Susan chuckled. “How did you two finally get together?”

“Well…it was New Year’s Eve and we were at a party at Peter’s house. And sometime during the party it kind of struck me…us…that we were really quite attracted to one another. I’ve always found women to be far more attractive than men but not in a sexual way. This was the first time I found Allie to be…well…more than simply physically and spiritually attractive and I truly wanted to feel…to be…closer to her?”

Susan nodded her head and chuckled. I could see from the twinkle in her eye that something I said connected. Susan took a deep breath and let it out slowly; almost in an exasperated manner.

“Pity… Well… If she ever tires of you do be good and let me know.” Susan, with a slightly lewd twinkling in her eyes, laughed. “I think we may just enjoy each other’s company.”

“Oh…! Oh…!”

I suddenly became even more excited and nearly began to bounce up and down in my chair. My hands fluttered as I asked the question of the day; at least for me. Susan grinned chuckled at my expression.

“What ever became of...” Oh my God… I’d forgotten his name. “…of what’s his name…your husband?”

“Ohhh…” Susan laughed. “That ‘what’s his name’. Well…I paid him off and he simply went away.”

I sat there opened mouthed. I couldn’t believe it was that easy to just rid oneself of a mate.

“Don’t look so shocked sweet heart.” Susan smiled sweetly. “He had become a bigger pain in the ass than he was worth. My father hated him…and his ‘born again’ whatever. And other than his…adequate stud services…he was basically worthless. Anyway…” Susan looked down at her hands for a moment and then took a sip of her wine. “I find women much more to my tastes these days.”

I giggled with her. I guess it’s sort of catching?

“I’m going to be moving into the city. That should make…” Susan’s eyes rolled up and she looked to her side. “…hunting a bit easier?” She chuckled again.

“Do you have a place yet?”

“No… I’ve only started looking yesterday.”

“If you’d like…we have plenty of room till you find a place. And we are very child friendly?”

“Why…” Susan extended her hand to cover mine. “…that is so very kind of you.” She smiled warmly. “I’m staying with a woman friend uptown who also has little ones and a stay at home wife…or sorts. In fact she’s very much like you dear; the wife that is.”

A woman with a stay at home wife…? Susan leaned in again as if confiding some great truth.

“I must meet your Allie…is it? You’d make the perfect stay at home wife for her.” Susan chuckled.

“I couldn’t.” I was a bit stunned at the thought. “I mean… I have my art. I couldn’t give that up.”

“Dear girl…” Susan suddenly put her hand in front of her mouth and giggled. “I mean Andi… You know, we really must do something about this business of what gender to refer to you as. It does become so very confusing at times. Anyway, who said that you’d need to give up art; especially if you earn good money at it? That’s why God, in HER infinite wisdom, created hired help. I believe that the only thing the wife needs do is wet nurse…and of course nurture.”

Oh…my God…that was more than a lot to digest. But Susan was right. People were having trouble in their casual conversations with me. Do they call me ‘he’ or ‘she’? Certainly my manner of dress and comportment would lead anyone to address me as ‘Ms.’, or Miss, or even Mrs?

“Poor dear… I’ve given you too much to think about?” Susan’s expression was pained. “My friend’s wife had the same problem that you currently have. She still has her…’boy bits’…? But if you’re going to look as we do, walk, talk, and squawk as we do, and even use the same facilities as we do, you simply can’t insult us by insisting to be called ‘he’…can you.”

“No… But…” Now the pained expression was mine.

“There are no ‘buts’ sweet heart. You can no longer simply sit on the cusp and project one thing yet insist upon being another. Now nobody says you need to lose the boy junk. But you must decide which side of the fence you prefer. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t see a man at this table. Oh…by the way, do try these. The flavor is divine. By the way… How was your last visit with dear Edith?”

I hadn’t even noticed that food had arrived. I was so caught up in what Susan had to say and, I must admit, she made a lot of sense. Oh my God…I didn’t even remember ordering anything. Susan was kind enough to serve me several different things.

“Edith…?”

“Yes… Doctor Gotlieb…? She really is quite renowned in her field.”

“Oh… Yes… She was a bit curt but she really seemed interested in me. She wanted to see my hands?”

The waiter brought over two more exquisitely aromatic and visually pleasing dishes.

“I thought rather than order a regular meal, there are a number of tasty tidbits that are not on the menu but the house makes them for special customers.” Susan chuckled and her eyes flashed. “Well yes…” Susan grasped my hand and gazed at it. “You do have such long and delicate fingers. I do love the nail color you use by the way.”

“Thank you…” I giggled. “It was a difficult chose.”

“It would be for someone so sensitive to color.” Susan smiled. “So… Tell me… How does your Allie perceive you…gender wise?”

“Well…” I giggled between a bite of a delicious stuffed mushroom. “She thinks I’m a lesbian in a boy suit?”

“How very perceptive of her…” Susan chuckled. “I’m beginning to like her even more.”

“By the way… I have to tell you that you look absolutely amazing. I haven’t seen you in some time and the difference is…well…” I giggled. “…nothing short of amazing. Motherhood really seems to agree with you.”

“Why thank you sweet heart. What a very lovely thing to say.” Susan’s face lit up and a carnelian blush came to her cheeks. “I must admit it is wonderful to be able to get back into more…stylish things?”

“This is wonderful.” I took another bite of the stuffed Portobello. “I wish I knew how they made the stuffing.”

“You do the cooking?” Susan glanced up from her plate.

“We share. And we do dine out quite a bit; although that might change now.”

“Will you two get married? It seems to be the latest craze…aside from divorce.” Susan laughed and sipped her wine.

“We haven’t spoken about that…yet? I really don’t know.”

“Would you think of taking her name? What do you use professionally anyway?”

“I simply use Andi.” Hmmm… Andi Morris…?

“Whatever are you thinking? I can see that look on your face.” Susan’s eyes narrowed.
Susan smiled wryly. She could have such a devilish look on her face and yet it was an endearing look…on her.

“What would I call myself…Mrs. Alison Mallory Morris?”

“I know that name…Mallory Morris. Hmmm….”

“Or Andi Mallory Morris…? Andi Morris is kind of plain; don’t you think?” I giggled.

I would never have considered taking her name, or even the possibility of marriage for that matter, if Susan hadn’t brought it up.

“I’m partial to Andrea Mallory Morris. It has panache.”

I stared at Susan for a moment. She was busily munching on a piece of crepe that was absolutely superb. Susan was serious. Hmmm… Andrea… I had thought of it a while ago but I settled on Andi, that being androgynous.

“If I use ‘Andrea’, it’ll give my biographical sketch…a gender.”

“Oh darling…” Susan looked up from her plate and smiled sadly. “We all have genders and it’s usually decided at birth. If you have a cock…you’re a boy. And if you are blessed with ‘indoor plumbing…you’re a girl; end of story. And if you’re not happy with what you’ve been dealt, you can change it. Now your case is different. It’s really more of a style issue; right?”

“Yeah… I guess…”

I never thought of ‘it’ as simply a style issue. ‘It’ was more a performance art issue?

“So…? Just go with it. And if Time Magazine wants to do a profile on you…tell them whatever you want. It will not make any difference by then.” Susan laughed. “But you should come to some sort of decision. Perhaps your…Allie…might be of some help.”

“Yeah… Well… I have that meeting on Monday and everyone is expecting Andrew to show up. Even if I wanted to put on a man’s suit, I don’t own one.”

Something just made me tear up suddenly. I didn’t know why this happened to me so frequently. Susan reached over and grasped my hand. Her smile was so…motherly?

“Listen honey… The only ones you need to worry about are my father and me. And I already told him about you.”

“Oh my God… What did he say?”

Now I was verging on panic. Susan put down her fork, took a sip of her wine, and chuckled.

“Dear old daddy… He said, and I quote; ‘I don’t care if he has four tits and a twelve inch cock as long as he makes us money. Though it would help if his tits were big...’ My father is fairly reasonable…for a man.” Susan laughed. She reached over and took my hand in hers. “Why are you so uptight about Monday?”

I shrugged my shoulders but I guess my panicked expression was a bit of a giveaway

“I wasn’t really so worried about the meeting. But Peter seemed a bit concerned how my…”

“Your persona…?” Susan chuckled.

“Yeah…” I giggled. “I guess the account executives are kind of straight? And he didn’t want to cause me any trouble.”

“You’re sure he’s not worried about his job?” Susan raised one eye brow in skepticism.

“Oh no…not at all… He’s really good at his job and really likes what he does? And he really doesn’t need to work. But if they made him change to something else, like the television thing, he said he’d quit. He likes the arts and, unfortunately, this is as close as he can get to being an artist…I guess.”

“Did Peter ask you to arrange our meeting?”

I loved her wry, sly smile.

“Yes… He did.”

“Was there anything specific he wanted to know…or you for that matter?”

“Well…” I kind of rolled my eyes and smiled. “I think there was…but I’ve forgotten?” I smiled and laughed. “I have such a poor memory for such things these days. Anyway, having any time with you is such a treat for me that asking about business seems…”

I was at a loss for the right word.

“Mercenary…?” Susan chuckled.

“Yeah… Maybe a little…?”

“Well…you shouldn’t ever feel bad about asking me about our business together. I really do enjoy your company and if the real world must intrude for a moment or two…so be it. But I do appreciate your honesty more than anything; and your freshness.”

I blushed puce and smiled. I was very flattered. Susan was nearly old enough to be my mother and she thought I was…fun to be with?

“I really enjoy being with you. I kind of think of us as being…friends? You are very real and I do like that fact. It makes being me easier, you know?” It was the truth.

“Well…” Susan spoke quite breathily as she poured me yet another glass of wine. “That’s exactly what I do like about you. I am so tired of all the ‘yes’ people around me.” There was a hint of anger in her voice.

“Can I ask you something that might seem…a bit weird?”

“No…!”

Susan spoke quite curtly and with a very serious expression on her face. Then she broke out into laughter.

“Of course you can. You can ask me anything sweet heart. After all, you’re like one of my children; I’ve even breast fed you.” She continued to chuckle and I blushed a shade of vermillion.

“Well…” I took a sip of my wine. “Do you think my nose is too big?”

“What…? You must be joking.” Susan looked at me in amazement. “Okay… So it’s a bit…” She hesitated for a moment. “…classical? But it definitely isn’t unsightly.”

Susan reached across the table and gently took my chin in her hand. She slowly turned my head and examined my dreaded proboscis carefully.

“In fact you are quite beautiful…nose and all. You’ve seemed to have found a way to accent it to your distinct advantage. I wouldn’t do a thing to change it if it was on my face.”

I searched Susan’s face briefly for any hint of…kindness toward my…horrid projection? But I could find none. She was, as usual, quite honest. If Susan thought my feature to be interesting and worth keeping as is, then I would have to agree.

We sat and talked through several more specialties and another glass of wine. I found Susan so easy to speak to. She was kind of like the mother I never had coupled with the older sister I never had. I must admit that Allie was, in many ways, kind of like a sister. But Susan had wisdom far beyond her years and the ability to impart her wisdom in a no nonsense manner.

Before either of us knew it, the waiters were preparing the tables for dinner. We had gotten so lost in talk that time simply didn’t exist.

“Oh dear Lord…” Susan looked at her watch. “It’s nearly four. Let me give you a ride downtown.”

“Oh that’s really not necessary.” I giggled. “It’s way out of your way.”

“Nonsense…! Anyway, I may sober up enough to give your art works a reasonable viewing and my car should be outside in a moment.” Susan turned to me as the waiter presented the check. “That is if it’s alright with you and your significant other.”

I nodded and instantly texted Allie. I couldn’t for see any problems but I wanted to be sure. Anyway, I never did anything out of the ordinary without first consulting her. I noticed Susan smiling as I whizzed away at the keys of my phone. She was smiling her knowing smile.

“It’s really too bad you’re already taken. I would have snapped you up that very first night had I known you liked women. I honestly thought you would wind up in Peter’s bed.” She laughed. “But taken is taken and who am I to undo what appears to be a very beneficial relationship. I see your Allie does appear to have you reasonably well trained.” Susan chuckled.

I had to agree with her. But her ‘training’ was definitely with a velvet gloved hand and I was more than a willing student. A large Rolls Royce pulled up to the curb after only a few moments. The driver got out and came around to open up the rear door for us. He was a huge man dwarfing us both and, although he didn’t look all too friendly; he did seem to smile warmly at Susan. Just as he closed the door behind us I received a text back from Allie.

“I assume all is in order and that I may invade your privacy?” Susan said with a chuckle.

I handed the phone to her with a giggle. Allie had texted; ‘OK… Make sure she keeps her hands off of you…you’re already taken!’ This caused Susan to laugh; especially since there was a smiley face at the message’s end.
.
“Smart girl...”

“Oh my God…I wasn’t to tell anyone about her being pregnant.” I turned to Susan with pleading eyes. “She’ll kill me.”

“Sweet heart, what’s said between us will always remain between us. Those are the rules, okay?”

The ride downtown seemed to take no time at all. Susan and I chatted away about nothing and everything. I adored her very wicked sense of humor. When we did finally arrive at my home, the driver got out curbside and opened the rear door to assist us. I always took a moment or two to gather all my belongings regardless of how meager they might be.

He offered his rather large hand to me and I stepped onto the curb. Then, being a step ahead of us, he offered his hand to take my keys and open my front door for us. I definitely needed one of these guys. Someday… Maybe…

I took Susan to the top floor so that we might deposit our coats and bags. Then we went down to the studio. Susan was surprised that we took over the floor exclusively for our art. I explained that our work, mine in particular, was getting larger in size and there was no way possible to paint in the small space of my room.

I let Susan wander at her will and followed with enough discrete distance to give her ‘private’ space. When she had a question I would quickly take the two or three steps toward her and quietly answer her as best I could. I spoke softly to not break the feeling of viewing the works privately.

Eventually Allie arrived and, seeing the coat and hand bag upstairs, assumed that we were in the studio. She joined us just as Susan had finished viewing our work. They greeted one another quite warmly with Susan adding a compliment…sort of…and an admonition.

“Allie dear…you look wonderful. Obviously this co-habitation thing is agreeing with you. And you seem to have Andi so well trained.” She chuckled as she cast her gaze at me.

I simple blushed sundown red.

“You’d better be careful or someone like me is likely to steal…her…away.” Susan chuckled.

“Oh… I think I have my hooks in Andi fairly securely.” Allie giggled and quickly changed the subject. “So…” Allie turned looking down toward the studio’s main space. “…what do you think?” Allie waved her arms toward the various paintings, drawings, and such.

“I think they’re wonderful…amazing actually.” Susan spoke almost as if distracted. She suddenly turned to Allie with an inquisitive look on her face. “Are you related to ‘those’ Morris'…the ones who seem to want to join everything?”

“Do I lose points for a correct answer?” Allie laughed but there was a bitter edge to her smile. “I’m guilty as charged.” She turned to me and I took her hand and smiled reassuringly.

“Do they know about you two?” Susan’s gaze became serious.

“They think Andi and I are lesbians.” Allie’s face became tomato red with anger. “They didn’t come to our show. I really don’t speak with them often.”

“I see.” Susan looked back at the works. “There are several pieces I would be interested in.” Turning toward me and smiled wryly as she continued. “…if the price is right.”

“Technically most of them are claimed by Bob Preston? But I’m sure he would give you a good price if sold ahead of the showing; although he may want to exhibit them as sold.” Allie never ceased to amaze me with her knowledge of the art business. “But Andi is always working on things and you are more than welcome to stop by whenever you like.”

“Do you have your own resources or do you depend upon the generosity of ‘mommy and daddy’?” What an odd, and I must say, tasteless, question for Susan to ask.

“My grandfather was sure to see that we each were provided for.” I could tell from the tone of Allie’s voice that she was more than a little put off. “But I do work for a living.”

“Why?” Susan smiled broadly.

I didn’t understand where she was going with this…this interrogation?

“Because I want to live on the money I earn so that I never forget that most of the world can’t. Much of the income from my account goes to various charities.”

This is something I hadn’t known about Allie. I mean we never talked about ‘her’ money. It was usually ‘our’ money? And it was our money in the joint bank account. I never thought of her having another account. I always knew she had this intense streak of charity in her. She could never pass anyone collecting for anything without searching for some change or a dollar bill.

“Indeed…!”

Susan seemed very pleasantly surprised. She took both of Allie’s hands in her own and beamed radiantly at her.

“We really must have lunch or dinner soon. I know a group of women that think the same way as you and I believe you might want to meet them.”

“I… I…” Allie was taken aback by the change in Susan’s demeanor.

“And…” Susan smiled wryly again, arching one brow upward. “I promise this will drive your mother crazy. I believe she was rejected by the group years ago.” Susan chuckled. “Plus which this divine and very attentive creature…” Susan gazed briefly at me. “…will then be safe from my clutches.” Susan laughed.

“Oh… Okay… That sounds like fun.” Allie laughed as well.