Danny Wiseborough is Vanessa Torre’s boyfriend and a gifted violinist. Although his technique and talent are a quantum leap beyond those of everyone else, he tends to suffer from very serious stagefright. Unfortunately, Danny has not been able to overcome his performance anxiety by any conventional therapy. However, the “treatment” that has twice helped him to face it, has not been entirely to his liking.

I. L’Ouverture

Vanessa Torre sat back on the right end of the sofa, her favorite end, next to the telephone. She had a job to do for the Student Activities Planning Committee and opened up her agenda to the page for planning the Hallowe’en party.

She needed to get the musicians together for it, but to create her remarkable program would not be easy. First of all, arranging to have live music is always harder than hiring a disk jockey. There would be more people involved as well as logistics. Not only would she have a rock band on stage, but a chamber ensemble as well, most likely her own string quartet and a piano. That meant getting her classical players to rehearse with the rock musicians so they could learn to merge styles. Everyone would have only a few weeks to get it all together.

The greatest difficulty that Vanessa had to face, though, would be recruiting the soloist. She knew only one violinist who could pull it off.

Danielle Wiseborough.

Vanessa also knew that recruiting Danielle for the Hallowe’en party would not be easy.

It was time for Vanessa to call her boyfriend, Danny. So, she picked up the handset of her telephone and called up the SEARCH function. She pressed “947” on the keypad and “Wiseborough D” appeared in the display. Taking a deep breath and letting it out in a long sigh, she keyed the green button with the “call” icon. She heard the musical touch-tone sequence in the receiver and the ring signal on the other end.

“Hello! Wiseborough residence,” a quiet voice answered. “Danny speaking.”

“Good evening, my love!” Vanessa greeted him.

“How are you, ’Nessa?” he replied.

“I’m okay, Danny. And you?” she answered.

“Fine, sweetheart,” Danny answered. “I was just practicing.”

“No surprise there!” she conceded. “And that brings me to why I’m calling.”

“Music?”

“Mm-hmm! I’m responsible for putting music together for the Hallowe’en party. And I’d like for you to be our soloist.”

“Do you have something in mind?”

“Saint-Saëns’ Danse Macabre. I can arrange it for piano, string quartet, and—get ready for this—rock band! You’ve been looking for a venue to try out your new electric violin. This just might work out for that.”

Vanessa knew that Danny would love the chance to perform in a venue of greater popularity. He acquired his electric violin with a rock-and-roll collaboration in mind. This would be an opportunity to perform more for the fun of it than to compete for critical acclaim.

“Do you have a band yet?” Danny asked his sweetheart.

“No, not yet,” Vanessa replied. “We’re still looking for one. Erica knows a few and promised to help me out. I should ask if you’ve worked with any yet or know any that you’d like to hook up with?”

“Not really,” he answered, “but I’m open to working with anyone who knows what they’re doing. Who else is playing?”

“Erica has agreed to be our pianist and my own string quartet will back you up along with the rock band. I’d also like to get a few winds, but right now, that’s iffy at best.”

“Yeah,” Danny confirmed. “It’s on the thirty-first of October, right?”

“From six o’clock until midnight.”

“I don’t have a score. How soon can you get it to me?”

“So you’ll do it, then?” she asked him, looking for a commitment.

“Since I don’t know the piece,” he admitted, “I do need to look at it first. When can I see it?”

“I can bring a hard copy for you tomorrow,” Vanessa assured him. “And I can send you a PDF by email. It shouldn’t be as difficult as the Vaughan Williams you played for the Spring River Music Festival. Well, there are more double stops, but they’re easier ones.”

“Send it by email and I’ll look at it tonight,” he told her. “If I can look at it tonight, I’ll have an answer for you tomorrow.”

“All right then,” she affirmed. “I’ll email it right now and you can look at it tonight.”

“Okay, Vanessa,” Danny acknowledged. “I’ll look at it as soon as it comes.”

“There!” Vanessa announced. “I just sent it.”

“Thanks, sweetheart,” Danny responded. “I’ll go look at it now.”

“Love you, Danny!” Vanessa said to him.

“I love you, too!” Danny responded as he hung up the phone.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Vanessa was somewhat frustrated. She had hoped to talk her boyfriend into a commitment more easily. But after what had happened with his performance for the Spring River Music Festival, Danny would be much more reticent before he accepted any bookings.

Moreover, she felt guilt, too. Although Danny had built up more confidence over the summer, Vanessa did not quite believe that he’d be up to the Saint-Saëns’ opus. If he could just get over his self-doubt, he had the talent and the technique. His performance of Ralph Vaughan Williams’ A Lark Ascending at the Spring River Music Festival had won critical acclaim. Unfortunately, not too many knew that Danny had, in fact, played that performance.

Guilty and sad about what she had just done, a very fatigued Vanessa fell back onto her bed. A tear for Danny formed in the inside corner of her left eye. A flood of tears followed.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Danny continued to study the score. He had received the PDF of the score from Vanessa, downloaded it, and printed it out. He had played several passages of the work. Most of it was easy enough for him. But there were a few passages that he just couldn’t get a handle on. He would have but a few weeks to learn this and get it up to speed.

Danny thought for a moment about what it would take for this. As much as he appreciated Vanessa asking, he doubted that he would have it ready in time. Eventually he could play it, but not by Hallowe’en. He hated to disappoint her, but if he told her now, she could still find another soloist for the party.

Maybe, though, he should discuss this with Dr. Beecham before making a decision. Mrs. Jacques would certainly help him learn the piece. And he so did not want to turn down Vanessa for anything. Already they had both risked so much for each other. Danny couldn’t imagine turning down her request. But how could he learn such a work in so brief a time?

Tomorrow would be another day. Danny felt sleepy, so he began undressing and getting ready for bed. He donned the special set of navy blue silk pyjamas that Vanessa had given him as a gift to celebrate winning the Spring River Music Festival.

Before turning in he turned to the back of The Book of Common Prayer, where he kept a photograph of Vanessa and him together, and offered prayers for her and himself and their families.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Erica heard her younger sister sobbing in her room. She knocked on the door.

“Go away!” came Vanessa’s voice.

Erica clutched the doorknob and turned it. She pushed the door open and spied her sister lying in a fetal position, her beautiful long, black hair tousled behind her, mascara running and her red lips quivering.

“I said, ‘Go away!’” she reiterated.

Erica advanced and pulled the stool from Vanessa’s vanity over to the bed and sat down. When she really wanted privacy, Vanessa would always lock her door.

“Hey, Li’l Sis! What’s wrong?” Erica asked, her voice so tranquil.

Vanessa wanted to continue crying, but her elder sister’s soft voice always had such a powerfully calming and comforting effect on her. She ceased her tears and rolled over into a sitting posture on her bed with a brief sniffle. She held up her left hand, palm outward toward Erica, indicating that her sister should wait for her to collect her thoughts. Erica held out her hands, palms upward, and Vanessa placed her hands in them.

“Sis,” Vanessa began, ”I’m such a bitch! I set Danny up. I deceived him. I took advantage of him. I’m an awful girlfriend.”

“Now there, ’Nessa!” Erica said, still in her quiet voice, gently squeezing her sister’s hands between her own. “Tell me, then, what did you do that’s so bad?”

Vanessa pushed herself off the bed and walked over to her desk and picked up a folio of music and handed it to her sister.

“I asked Danny to do the solo for Hallowe’en,” confessed Vanessa. “But I also know he’s not ready for it.”

Erica saw that it was the solo violin’s part for Danse Macabre.

“Are you sure he can’t handle it?” Erica asked her to clarify. “After his performance at the music festival I would think he could play almost anything.”

“But that wasn’t Danny’s performance. Not really,” Vanessa objected. “That was Danielle playing. It was her! Not him! You know how we pulled it off. He’ll be too worried to play it himself. Danielle will have to step in and take over. I’ve set Danny up to fail.”

“’Nessa, give the guy some credit,” Erica said, not fully in agreement with her sister. “He’s a fine violinist and you know it, too. I don’t think you’re giving him a fair chance. You offered him the part but now you don’t have any confidence in him?”

“I was hoping,” the younger sister answered, “but I knew better.”

“Tell me now, Li’l Sis,” prefaced Erica. “On the level, who are you in love with? Danny or Danielle?”

Vanessa sat down again on her bed and just stared at the carpet. Fluffy pastel blue shag.

“In truth,” she began to answer, “I don’t know. Honestly, Sis. I don’t really know. I love Danny. I do! But he’s so afraid. Then Danielle seems to do what’s just beyond Danny’s reach. I wish he could see that it’s all inside himself. But when he can’t handle something, he has to get Danielle to do it.

“Yes,” Erica acknowledged her sister’s assessment. “But did you consider that if you decide to stand with him and not call on Danielle so quickly, he might be able to rise to the occasion? He is a guy, and a good one, but he still seeks your approval. You need to let him be a guy—even though he was so absolutely stunning in that midnight blue evening gown!”

They both giggled. Erica saw her little sister smile for the first time since she entered the room.

“Please, ’Nessa,” Erica began pleading, “tell me you’re not dressing him up again?”

“Well, it is Hallowe’en!” Vanessa reminded her sister. “Besides, he’s just so cute as a girl!”

“That’s just what I’m talking about, Li’l Sis,” she warned Vanessa. “Get real! He needs for you to support his being a guy for a while.”

“Yeah,” conceded Vanessa. “I guess you’re right. And I was so looking forward to getting him into a cute costume.”

“No, ’Nessa,” Erica cautioned her. “He needs you to keep him manly. Just leave the girly business to me this time; I’m thinking of him maybe as a naughty Gothic princess!”

A wicked grin formed on Erica’s lips and its contagion spread quickly to Vanessa’s face as they shared giggles.

Sly grins they were.

With dimples.

Mrs. Torre, Erica, and Vanessa give Danny a ride to school. The girls plan to tease him gently about Danielle’s début the previous year, but discover that his memories of the ensuing events are still painful.

II. La Rêverie

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Torres would come by to pick Danny up for school. While most of the bullies that he had dealt with were safely locked away in juvenile detention, Dex the Rex, their ringleader, was still around. He had been able to escape justice since his father was Chief of Police and had shielded his son from prosecution. Danny hadn’t seen Dex since the attack almost a year before, but why take chances?

Mrs. Torre did not mind taking Danny to school in the morning. They lived nearby and she approved of her daughter Vanessa dating him. Both Danny and Vanessa were highly gifted and the potential that he offered for her daughter was a mother’s dream. Mrs. Torre had regarded Danny’s occasional crossdressed concerts simply as some harmless fun instigated by her daughter’s persistent silly streak. In fact, she considered it to be part of what made him so charming. Her ex-husband would never have understood why Danny had been so willing to dress up like a girl for Vanessa.

“G’morning, Danny!” Vanessa addressed him, opening the door to the back seat of their four-door sedan.

“G’morning ’Nessa!” Danny responded as their lips pursed for one another’s benefit. They kissed.

“You two behave yourselves back there!” Mrs. Torre remarked, slightly raising her voice.

“Yeah, you two!” seconded Erica, seated next to her mother. “No misbehavior!”

“How well do you behave as a miss? Huh?” Vanessa retorted to her sister. Danny giggled at her well-played witticism.

Erica chose to respond by sticking out her tongue at her sister. Vanessa replied in kind and Danny took the occasion to initiate a French kiss with his girlfriend.

“Mom!” Erica exclaimed. “They’re French kissing! Playin’ tonsil hockey!”

“You started it, Erica!” Vanessa pled to her sister’s charge.

“Please girls!” Mrs. Torre injected. “Keep it civil! All of you! And that includes you, Danny!”

“You mean you’re including him as a girl?” Erica then quipped giggling to her Mom.

“He has been a cutie on occasion!” Mrs. Torre observed with a wry smile.

Danny broke out into a cold sweat even as he began to blush. Their talk about his experiences en femme always embarassed him.

“Yeah!” Danny lamented. “Please, don’t remind me!”

“But you’re so cute when you dress up!” Erica affirmed, although teasing him. “I’d like to see you let ‘Danielle’ come out to play again sometime.”

About a year earlier, an anonymous benefactor had offered to buy uniforms for the school orchestra. Katy Jo, the concertmistress then, had tried to push Danny out of the orchestra, since she wanted to lead an all-girl orchestra. So she had changed the name Daniel to Danielle and revised his choice of garments on the order forms. So the day before the Autumn Concert he received a uniform of a matching skirt and blazer with gold trim, elegant black and white blouses, and a pair of high-heeled pumps with ankle straps. And it all came inside a sturdy black suit carrier personalized with an engraved brass nameplate.

“I should have called up Mis’ess Jacques and asked her to send my ‘uniform’ back immediately,” he surmised, “instead of going along with such an embarassing ploy.”

Danny felt quite hurt when he discovered that he had received a girl’s uniform, but Vanessa was especially miffed, since she regarded Katy Jo as an egotistical princess. Suspecting Katy Jo’s nefarious role in the mix-up, Vanessa suggested that he could get back at her by actually wearing the uniform. Essentially ignoring his objections, Vanessa prevailed on him to participate. So Vanessa and Erica spent that evening showing him how to dress up as an elegant young lady. By the time the sisters had finished working with him, Danny had become the very cute “Danielle.” Even though he had difficulty believing that he could appear as an attractive young woman, he looked so unlike himself, that he figured he could get away with dressing up as a girl for the concert. So Danny agreed to go through with it, although his misgivings had remained.

“But you got back at Katy Jo doing it,” Vanessa reminded him. “She finally understood she couldn’t drive you out of the orchestra. Besides, you proved yourself a better violinist than she was, anyway.”

Their music teacher and conductor, Mrs. Jacques had been simply livid about the affair. When she discovered what Katy Jo had done, Mrs. Jacque kicked her out of the orchestra and made Danny the concertmaster.

“Except that then she sent Dex’s gang after me,” Danny recounted. “It was just the excuse they’d been wanting. I’m lucky to be playing again.”

Katy Jo’s brother, Bryce, and boyfriend, Chuck, were both in Dex’s gang. She had asked them to attack Danny. So, they had ambushed him using pipes of polyvinyl chloride (PVC) plumbing as weapons, deriding him as a “sissy” and a “queer.” They had put him in the hospital with severe injuries and destroyed his violin as well.

“But they’re gone, now,” Vanessa confirmed. “Katy Jo and Dex the Rex and his gang were all expelled from school. All the guys but Dex are in Juvenile Hall, and he’s been keeping a low profile ever since.”

“But he’s still around and eventually he’ll show himself again.”

“He can’t touch you. You’ve got a restraining order against Dex,” Mrs. Torre said, raising that issue.

“So what?” Danny observed. “His father’s Chief of Police. That was the real problem to start with. No one would touch him because of his dad. And they still won’t. Until Dex is locked up, I’m still worried.”

Danny massaged his left forearm and wrist, as always when reminded of the beating he’d endured almost a year ago. Vanessa held him closer to herself.

“I’m sorry we brought it up, Danny,” Vanessa whispered into his ear. “And I’m sorry for what they did to you. But now you need to move on. You overcame what they did and won. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

Tears were welling up in Danny’s eyes. His memory of the lingering pain and fear had not faded. He recalled the feeling of bandages and splints, and the months of effort needed to retrain his delicate fingers and stiffened joints. Worst of all, even with all her praise and support, despite all her hugs and kisses, regardless of all her smiles and laughter holding hands, and all the comfort of her tears flowing with his own, Danny did not feel worthy of his belovèd ’Nessa.

“Why did they hate me so much?” he asked her. “All I did was to play the violin. How could that be so wrong?”

A long silence followed. Vanessa kissed Danny on the cheek. She could taste the salt in his tears. Her left arm dropped from around his shoulder to his waist and she gently held onto his right hand with her own.

“I love your music,” she assured him, “and I love you.”

Danny kissed her cheek in return. “I love you, too, ’Nessa.”

They sat quietly as Mrs. Torre continued driving them to school.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Vanessa met Bonnie in the girls’ restroom after arriving at school.

“How’s the music search going?” Bonnie asked her.

“Erica’s helping me locate a rock band and we’ll be performing along with them if I can get a soloist to play the Saint-Saëns. I asked Danny if he would—”

“No!” Bonnie gasped in disbelief. “You didn’t! Did you?”

“Yes!” Vanessa answered giggling. “Danny has an electric violin and I’m hoping he’ll let ‘Danielle’ play it!”

“Omigosh!” Bonnie giggled. “Danielle’s coming back?”

“I’m working on it,” Vanessa confirmed. “I know that she can handle the solo for our Hallowe’en party.”

“Danny’s so cute when he’s her!” Bonnie observed. “I can’t even believe he’s a boy when he’s dressed like that! And he—she—whoever—is so much fun to be around. I’d like to see him—her—again. She—he’s so the life of the party! I just wish more boys would try it—dressing up—I mean.”

“Have you tried talking your boyfriend into it?” Vanessa asked her friend.

“I’ve thought about it,” Bonnie replied. “But Geoffrey’d be a hard sell. I’ve not been able to think up any reason for him to try on a dress.”

Both girls giggled.

“Hmm? Maybe I can help you think of something,” mused Vanessa. “Have you guys picked out costumes for the Hallowe’en party yet?”

“No,” Bonnie replied. “We haven’t had a chance to talk about it so far. Whatcha have in mind?”

“Nothing specific,” Vanessa said, “but the plan is for you first to pick two women characters who are known as a couple or work together, like Xena and Gabrielle, Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie, or even sisters, say, Mary Kate and Ashley Olson. That’ll force the issue. And it prob’ly won’t matter which of the pair either of you choose. You can even give him first choice and he’s still stuck with being a girl!”

“That would be so unfair to Geoff!” Bonnie remarked, giggling once again. “I can’t wait to try it!”

“Now it’s important to make him dress up a time or two to practice before the party,” Vanessa explained, “especially if he’ll have to walk in heels. If you’re lucky, you can get him to do it again after the party!”

Bonnie squealed in delight as she imagined Geoffrey appearing en femme. “I’ve got to try something really cute for him,” she said. “Think we could go as characters from Sailor Moon or the Power Puff Girls?”

“That’d be so sweet!” Vanessa declared. “You might even get another boy caught up in the theme!”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Danny sat quietly at his desk in homeroom, once again looking over Danse Macabre. ’Nessa had been forthcoming about its difficulty. It had a lot of double stops, but maybe not as simple as he’d hoped. But there was still time to work it out. Or maybe to back out? No, he couldn’t do that.

Could he play this or not?

Maybe he should talk with Dr. Beecham about it?

He couldn’t call Dr. Beecham’s office during homeroom. Ms. Ferguson didn’t allow it. Texting was okay, but they weren’t set up for SMS at his office. He could try calling between classes but sometimes it took more than the ten-minute break even to get through.

He could text Mom!

“Hi Mom! Need appt w/Dr. Beecham ASAP. U call his ofc?”

Danny did not expect to wait very long. Mom would call the doctor’s office just as soon as she got the message. About five minutes later his cellphone beeped and he pushed the button under the screen menu.

“Danny! Appt today 4:30 pm. Txt/call confirm?”

“Mom! Confirmed. Call U back w/ride/details.”

With that, the bell sounded for the end of homeroom and Danny was off to class with everyone else.

Danny knows that he must do something about his lack of confidence, so he visits his psychiatrist. But what can even Dr. Beecham do for him now? Has Danielle already won?

Danny Wiseborough paused at the frosted glass door. The stenciled letters spelled out a single name:

Thomas Beecham MD
Psychiatrist

Danny took a deep breath. He had begun to talk with Dr. Beecham after the attack. The psychiatrist had helped him deal with the anxiety and fear that were taking longer to heal than his physical injury.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Hi Danny! How can I help you today?” Dr. Beecham sat back in the big leather armchair, his writing pad propped up on one knee.

Danny sat down in a matching armchair across from his psychiatrist. He was still nervous about bringing the subject up with Dr. Beecham. He should have brought it up when he had first told him about his crossdressing. That was embarassing enough, but now he had to go through telling it again.

“I’m not sure how to say it, Doctor Beecham,” Danny muttered nervously.

“Just out with it! You can save us both a lot of time and yourself a lot of pain,” Dr. Beecham assured him. “No matter what it is, it won’t be worse than what you’ve already gone through.

“But I’m really embarassed about it.”

“That’s okay. You can tell me. And nothing you say will leave this room, unless you take it outside.”

“I’m scared, Doc.”

“Of the bullies again?”

“No,” Danny said. “Not that. Something else. It was something—something pleasant!”

“Something pleasant?… You’re afraid of something pleasant? Now that’s interesting! So, what was it?”

“Do you remember the concert where I had dressed up as a girl because Katy Jo had switched the order for my uniform?”

“Yes, you told me about that.”

“Well, I didn’t tell you everything!”

“Oh? What else is there?”

“I didn’t tell you that—well, even though I was scared and nervous doing it, once I started to play, I liked it. I enjoyed being dressed up like a girl. There! I said it! I felt good while I was crossdressed!”

“You enjoyed it, then?” Dr. Beecham grinned slightly and chuckled imperceptibly to himself.

“Yes, I did. While I was playing, I began to feel like—like I was supposed to be a girl. It seemed silly to me at first, but the uniform I was wearing suddenly felt comfortable. Vanessa had gotten me a matching set of bra and panties to wear under it and they felt soft. I was wearing pantyhose, too, and they felt tingly and almost electric. And then I became aware of the perfume that she had sprayed on me. When I breathed it in, I relaxed very deeply and then my music sounded—and felt—somehow very different.”

“Different? In what way?” Danny’s psychiatrist asked, seeking clarification from him.

“I’m not sure how to say it, but—first I noticed that I was playing from memory. It’s was a complicated piece, Vaughan Williams’ Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis—”

“Yes, I remember you telling me,” Dr. Beecham recalled. “I know the piece. It made Vaughan Williams’ career as a serious composer.”

“Well, I hadn’t known that I had memorized the music. I hadn’t even tried to. And then I discovered I was using more advanced techniques—alternate fingerings and positional shifts—that I didn’t know I had learned. I mean, I hadn’t practiced them or anything. I just knew where the notes were. My fingers were more relaxed than they’ve ever been. And the tone color was nicer than anything I’d ever been able to get out of my instrument before. I never thought it could sound like that.”

“Would you say that you had played better than before, or just differently?”

“Definitely better. Vanessa just stared at me with her mouth open. Mis’ess Jacques raised her eyebrows and grinned at me. Backstage everyone was congratulating me with hugs and kisses. Mis’ess Jacques asked me how I did it and I just said I felt it and went with it. She had been on cloud nine while I was playing.”

“Had you ever felt that way during a performance before?”

“No. It was a completely new feeling for me.”

“And it sounds like the others recognized something was different, too?”

“Yeah! It was the main topic of conversation for the rest of the night.”

“The rest of the night?” Dr. Beecham probed further.

“After the concert, I went out with the other girls in the orchestra for pizza and stayed out as long as I could. It was not just fun. They all really seemed to love me there, dressed like them and with them. They treated me like I belonged. I didn’t want the evening to end. When I got home, I felt sad changing out of my uniform. So I slept in my bra and panties to keep the feeling that I was—was special!”

Other girls? Did he mean to refer to himself as a girl? Dr. Beecham looked back through his notes in Danny’s file. Does anything else suggest gender dysphoria? His interest in the girl… what’s her name?… Vanessa… He indicates normal adolescent interest in the opposite sex… dressing-up games, maybe?

“Sounds like you had a memorable experience that night,” Dr. Beecham observed. “Now if I remember correctly, it was Vanessa who suggested you wear the girl’s uniform for the concert?”

“Yes. It was her idea. She thought if I did, I’d call Katy Jo’s bluff!”

“That’s what she told you then, but I would guess that in truth, Vanessa wanted to dress you up mostly because she likes you.”

“I know. But I think what’s upsetting me now is that I really liked being a girl. I think I liked it too much. And I think that she’s still trying to control me.”

“Vanessa is trying to control you?”

“No. Not Vanessa—Danielle! She’s who I become when I dress up. She’s trying to take me over.”

What? First it’s gender dysphoria; now, another personality? This poor kid might be losing it fast! Maybe I should have him get an MRI and CT scan? Could be a concussion from that assault… If so, then the treatment might be easier…

“Why do you say that?” Dr. Beecham inquired.

“When I dress up, ‘Danielle’ has more friends than I do and everyone likes her more than me. I mean, even though they knew it was me, they talked with me just like I was one of them. They invited me—well, ‘Danielle’ to go shopping with them and even to their sleepovers!”

“How did that make you feel?”

“I felt like I belonged with them and—well—I felt like I was successful, like I’d made it!”

His alter-ego is more extraverted and popular than he is himself?… That’s interesting!… Now, how does that happen?…

“And that’s because you were successful,” the doctor assured Danny. “By all accounts, your musical performance that night was well beyond anyone’s expectation. You received both your teacher’s and your peers’ approval for being a first class musician! You deserved the praise you got.”

“But I really think that their acceptance of me had just as much to do with my wearing the same uniform as they wore. I looked like one of them and they talked to me like I was just another one of the girls. They’d never talked to me like that before. They made me really feel like one of them. And the same thing happened when I performed at the Spring River Music Festival.”

“What about the Spring River Music Festival?” the psychiatrist asked, raising an eyebrow. “Tell me about that.”

Danny was silent for a moment, thinking what to say. He had not told Dr. Beecham the full story, as he had felt very embarassed by the outcome.

“Do you remember that I was the soloist for another work by Ralph Vaughan Williams in the competion.”

“If I remember correctly,” Dr. Beecham recalled, “you performed A Lark Ascending. That’s a remarkably beautiful work. I would like to have heard you play it.”

“I didn’t tell you the whole truth about my performance, though.”

“Oh?” the doctor said, again raising an eyebrow.

“I was crossdressed for it, too.”

Dr. Beecham sustained a perplexed look on his face as he scribbled more notes on his pad.

“You performed as a girl again?”

“Yeah! And this time I won the gold medal,” Danny replied with a quietly subdued tone. “But worse than that, I also won a scholarship that I can’t use!”

“What?”

“I won a full scholarship to any accredited music program at the college or university or conservatory of my choice—or Danielle did. Danielle’s name is on the award.”

“Hmm? I see! In for a penny, in for a pound! How did—?” No… The good news is that this most certainly did not result from a concussion!… Dr. Beecham thought. “Why did you—“ He could not even complete his question before his young patient continued.

“I couldn’t play the solo. But Vanessa suggested I try rehearsing it wearing a dress and heels. And when I did, it worked. When crossdressed, I can play better than I ever thought possible—well, Danielle can play it, I mean. She’s a better violinist than I am. It’s still my hands and my fingers but I can’t play like she does. How can that be?”

“So you performed as ‘Danielle’ at the music fesival?”

“Vanessa and Erica found me an evening gown for the concert. They made me up beautifully. When they showed me myself in the mirror, I could hardly believe it. I looked really pretty but I was still scared. Then all my girlfriends from the school orchestra came to hear me play. Mis’ess Jacques was there, too. She had helped me prepare the music, but she asked me if I was sure I wanted to go onstage as a girl again.”

Danny opened a large zippered pocket on the cover of his violin case. He took out a music folder and opened that. Inside was a color photograph of a beautiful young woman wearing a midnight blue formal gown, holding a violin, her eyes looking intently into the camera. She wore between her breasts a gold medal suspended from a royal blue ribbon around her neck.

“Doc, this is Danielle.” Danny handed him the photograph.

Carefully, the psychiatrist studied the image of his patient, noting especially the distinctive facial features that were uniquely Danny’s own.

“This is you?” the doctor asked Danny to confirm.

Danny simply nodded.

“You’re absolutely stunning!” Dr. Beecham remarked. “You don’t look the least bit scared in this photo. That’s the picture of a very confident young woman.”

“That was taken after the awards. I—she had won,” Danny was beginning to cry. “But that should be me in the photo—not her! It doesn’t make sense.”

“Vanessa asked me to be her soloist with a band for the school’s Hallowe’en party. But I haven’t really been able to play it myself.”

“What work is it?”

“Danse Macabre by Saint-Saëns.”

“Makes sense for a Hallowe’en party. Difficult part for you, though!” Dr. Beecham commented.

“Yeah, but it’s my first chance to play with a rock band. Heavy metal and Goth, really. I got a new electric violin over the summer and I want to try it out this way. But I don’t think I’ll be able to do it myself.”

“But you think that ‘Danielle’ can?”

“Of course she can! Easily!” Danny conceded. “In fact, I really think ’Nessa had her in mind as the soloist when she asked me to do it.”

“You said that you like crossdressing,” Dr. Beecham reminded Danny. “So what’s the problem?”

“Well—if I go to the party in drag, that may give more bullies an excuse to attck me again,” Danny admitted. “And I don’t want to revive any rumors about being gay. Besides, I should be able to play music like this without becoming ‘Danielle’ again.”

“I’d like to make a couple of observations here,” the psychiatrist began. “First, this is Hallowe’en. If there’s any time when a boy can get away with dressing up like a girl, this is it! I even did it once.”

“You went in drag?” Danny asked in disbelief.

“Both my sisters wanted to go out as cheerleaders one Hallowe’en and asked my brother and me to dress up like them, too. Then Mom insisted that we go along with it. I felt silly and embarassed at first, but before the night was over, we had all kinds of fun. Even Mom dressed up with us so we all went as a cheerleading squad. Although, I must admit that going together as a group also made it much easier for my brother and me.”

“So I guess that it’s maybe not so weird for Hallowe’en?”

“Not at all!” Dr. Beecham confirmed. “Since you have some previous experience and enjoyed it, why not? It may be a better chance for you to relax than you may realize.”

“What else?” Danny wondered aloud.

“My next observation is that ‘Danielle’ is still you, even when you’re in costume. It’s still you performing. She can’t take over your life unless you want her to! Now, if she seems to be better or more fun than you, don’t forget that it’s only because you’ve given her permission to be and to do what you think you can’t. So if you perform at the Hallowe’en party, you can have an option to be your alter-ego ‘Danielle’ or just yourself, but wearing a costume, like anyone else there. So you’re dressed like a girl? That’s part of the fun our culture allows for the occasion.”

Danny grinned a little and sighed lightly in relief.

“I think I still need help, Doc,” Danny remarked, “when I have to perform. Even if it’s me. Especially if it’s me!”

Dr. Beecham flipped open Danny’s folder to look at his medical chart.

“Son, I don’t like to medicate teenagers if I can avoid it,” the doctor began. “However, I really think that you can benefit from something. I’m giving you two prescriptions. First, for your general anxiety, paroxetine. It works very well for many people who have simple issues with self-esteem. It may or may not work for you, so we’ll have to see. Just take one a day and I’ll see you again in two weeks.

“Pills are not enough for your issues. They can help but alone they’re incomplete. I’d like to see you start on cognitive therapy next month. When you come back, I’d like to set that up with you.

“Next, I’m giving you a small prescription for atenolol, only a dozen pills. It’s often been quite effective for stagefright. Take one or two of these no more than an hour before a performance. They should help you calm down just enough to play.”

“So I’m not weird because I like dressing up in girl’s clothes,” Danny asked, seeking reassurance.

“No! It’s far more common than you may think,” Dr. Beecham said. “Besides, I think that getting upset over crossdressers is actually weirder than crossdressing!” The doctor chuckled audibly. “And I’ll give you this advice: if you’re comfortable crossdressing and you feel better doing it, that’s okay. In our world, it might be too risky to venture outside in drag very often, but at home it might help you relax. Talk to your parents about it. They’re more open-minded than most. As confusing as it was for your dad, he found a way to accept your dressing up before.”

“Yeah, he did. He understood it as my ‘doing it for the team’ that time. He’s so sports-minded that made sense to him.”

“I really think it was more his wanting to support you. So he became as creative as he needed to be to justify it in his own mind,” the psychiatrist explained. “Even though your crossdressing was somewhat upsetting to him, he made the effort to set his own feelings aside to support you. The sports metaphor was his way of convincing himself that it was okay for you to appear as a girl.”

“Wow! I never really thought of that,” Danny confirmed. “So he did that to help change his own mind?”

“Very much so! Remember, parents have feelings, too. Most want their children to grow up happy and healthy, but they’re often just as confused or as frightened as you are by what they don’t understand. You’re maybe luckier than most to have yours!”

“Mom and Sis will want to take me shopping, I’m sure,” the boy predicted, somewhat nervously. “When Vanessa dressed me up, Sis was upset that she wasn’t involved. I’m in big trouble if I don’t ask her along.”

Dr. Beecham consulted his watch.

“That’s about all the time I can spare today,” the doctor said. “Next time we’ll need a full hour, though. Cognitive therapy is very structured and the first session is mostly about setting up the course of treatment. Jeannie can help you schedule it on the way out. Tell her that I need to see you again in two weeks. Also, I’ll tell her that I’m referring you for an MRI and a CT scan as well.”

“Well, okay, I guess,” Danny conceded, beginning to stand up. “I’ll see you next time, Doctor.”

“Have a good evening, Mister Wiseborough!” Dr. Beecham said smiling, as he stood up from his chair.

To get into character for the coming Hallowe’en party, Danny/Danielle dresses up for his/her first girls’ night out. However, this also creates some unexpected dynamics within the family.

Danny hit the key on his cellphone for Vanessa.

“Hi there, sweetheart!” Vanessa greeted him. “How ya doin’?”

“I’m doin’ fine!” Danny answered. “How’bout you?”

“I’m all right!” she replied. “What’s up?”

“I need you and Erica to work your magic again!” he stated with an unexpected tone of resolve in his voice.

“Oh?”

“I need a costume for the Hallowe’en party,” Danny told her. “Something that will look good on ‘Danielle.’ The girlier, the better!”

Vanessa hardly knew what to say to her boyfriend. “Uh—Erica had a Gothic princess in mind for you, this time,” she recalled to him. “Would that be okay?”

“Sounds like a start,” he responded. “But I like it best when you dress me up. Then it’s about us! I like that!”

“Geeze! I didn’t expect this!” she admitted. “What got into you?”

“You did!” Danny replied. “Or maybe Danielle? I don’t know, really. I just wanna hold on to what works for me. I know it sounds silly, but it’s all okay now.”

“But you’ve always fought it before. What’s up this time?”

“The truth, ’Nessa, is that I think that I really do like it. It feels strange and weird, but it’s like ‘Danielle’ is a part of me now. I’m not sure where the line between ‘Danny’ and ‘Danielle’ is but I don’t think I’m scared of her anymore.”

“This seems so sudden, Danny,” Vanessa worried aloud to her boyfriend. “How did you come to this conclusion?”

“I talked to Doctor Beecham today,” he related. “He said that I had given Danielle permission to be and to do what I was afraid of. But what I think he really was trying to tell me is that I can give myself that permission just as easily.”

“So what are you so afraid of that you need Danielle to do it?”

“I’m not exactly sure. But do you remember after the Fall Concert when we all went out for pizza afterwards?”

“Yes.”

“It was so cool how everyone treated me. For the first time in my life I felt like I belonged—really belonged!”

“And we could tell. You seemed just like one of the girls. And I think we all liked you better that way, too.”

“Even you?” Danny put it to her.

Vanessa wasn’t sure how to answer. She wondered how her answer might affect her relationship with Danny.

“I love you Danny,” she said. “I love all that you are. I love the Danny that kisses me and holds my hand. And I love the Danielle that hugs me and goes shopping with me and helps me with my homework.”

“But I’m Danny when we’re studying together.”

“You might wear his clothes, but you talk with her voice and show her gleam in your eye! You smile her smile, too. You’re as much my girlfriend as you are my boyfriend. A girl couldn’t ask for more than that.”

Danny paused for a moment.

“Is it okay if I’m both of them? I mean, does it matter to you so much where the difference between ‘Danny’ and ‘Danielle’ is?”

“I don’t know. It’s not something I’ve really thought about. But I’ve always liked you. I knew you had a crush on me a long time ago. And I’ve always felt the same way about you.”

Vanessa relaxed a little as she understood what she had just said. And so did Danny.

“I so want to kiss you right now!” Danny told her.

“Me too!” Vanessa sighed with her favorite breathy voice. “Any way we can meet tonight?”

He could hear her smiling into the telephone.

“I’ve already finished my homework. Not too much assigned today.” Danny leaned back on his bed with his cellphone. “Pizza?”

“Maybe,” she acknowledged, “but I’m not hungry yet.”

“Any ideas for us until dinner, then?”

“Wanna dress up? Let Danielle out to play?” Vanessa giggled.

Danny thought for a moment.

“Danny?” she prompted him.

He was still thinking.

“Practice run for Hallowe’en?” he wondered aloud.

“We could, if you’d like. See if we could try a little Goth style?”

“Why not? I’m up for something silly tonight anyway!”

Vanessa squealed as she fell back on her bed, her feet dancing up and down on its edge.

“I’ll see what I can bring. Erica might have something, too.”

“Come on over. Meanwhile, I can ask Sis to braid my hair. She was miffed when we didn’t involve her before. It’s a chance for me to make up with her.”

“This is great! I’ll see you in—what?—an hour?”

“That’s fine! Can’t wait for you to get here,” Danny confirmed. “And I’ll ask Sis to help right away. See ya soon!”

“Bye-bye!” Vanessa responded and ended the call.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Descending the staircase, he wasn’t certain whether he felt nude or merely naked. The twin pangs of fear and excitement rushed through him, as he was at once giddy over dressing up again, yet trembling in disdain of his strange hobby.

“Mom,” he announced at the bottom of the staircase, “Vanessa’s coming over for me to try on something for Hallowe’en. We wanna go out for pizza afterwards. Is that okay?”

“Do you mean going out in costume?”

“Maybe. She’ll want us to, I’m sure,” he answered her. “Me, anyway.”

“Danny, are you going out as a girl again?” Mom asked him. “You do remember what we agreed about that?”

“There’s safety in numbers!” He said, looking down at the floor. He was hoping it would be just ’Nessa and himself.

“Who else than you and Vanessa?”

“I was hoping we could be alone tonight.”

“Not if you’re going out as a girl, you aren’t!”

“Suppose I could ask if ’Nessa would bring Erica along. Maybe Teri could come, too?”

“Why don’t you ask them? Besides, it would be nice if you would include your sister in things now and then.”

“I was going to ask her to do my hair tonight.”

“She’d like that,” Mom confirmed.

“I’ll call ’Nessa and ask her now,” Danny said as he drew his telephone from his pocket. He dialed her number.

“Hello?” Vanessa answered again.

“Hi again!” he said.

“You didn’t change your mind, didja?”

“Oh no! But Mom won’t let us go alone if I’m dressed up. Can Erica come, too?” Danny hoped that her answer would facilitate some kind of adventure for the evening.

“I’ll need to ask her.”

“That’s okay.”

* * * * * * * * * * *

Vanessa set the handset down on the end table and sprinted up the stairs to her sister’s room. The door was open.

“Danny wants to know if you’d join us on our date tonight?” she asked. “Or I should ask if you’d like to come with me and Danielle?”

“Danielle’s coming?” Erica asked in surprise. “Well, I can’t miss that! How did you talk him into it so quickly?”

“Believe it or not, he seems to be really up for it this time!”

“Ya gotta be kidding me, right?”

“Not at all! When I suggested it, he thought a moment and answered, ’Why not?’!

“Omigosh!” Erica responded in disbelief. “Now I hafta go!”

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Danny,” Vanessa said into the telephone as she picked up the handset, “Erica said she’ll come.”

“That’s great, sweetheart! Have her bring along anything that she thinks Danielle can wear, too.”

“Of course!”

“Thanks,” he offered.

“Sure! Bye-bye!” Vanessa replied. “Seeya in a while.”

“G’bye!” Danny said, closing the call.

“Okay, Mom. Erica’s coming with ’Nessa and I’ll bring Teri. Is that enough?”

“The more, the better! Who else could you get?”

“Off hand, I don’t know who to ask. Maybe ’Nessa can think of someone else when she gets here.”

“You’re a party of three. Ask your sister now and see if she can go with you.”

* * * * * * * * * * *

Danny bounded up the stairs quickly and paused at his sister’s door for a moment, his knuckles ready to knock. What was he about to do? He would firstly ask her to chaperone him on a date so he could go out as a girl and then ask her to put his hair up in French braids. Once again he felt a giddy ecstatic energy running all through his body except for a queasy churning in the pit of his stomach. At the same time, he both eagerly awaited and morbidly dreaded becoming Danielle for the evening.

He knocked.

“Who is it?” Teri’s voice sang out from the other side.

“Your brother.”

A moment later her door opened.

“Whaddya want?” Sis asked me in an annoyed, bored tone of voice.

“Two things,” he began. “First, would you like to come along with me, ’Nessa, and Erika for pizza this evening?”

“I was gonna go over to Donna’s tonight. Can she come, too?”

“Well, Mom wants as many to come as possible.”

“Is it her invitation?”

“No, it’s her restriction.”

“What?”

“Me and ’Nessa wanna go out, but I’m going as Danielle tonight.”

“Omigosh!” Teri squealed.

“The other favor I need to ask is if you’d do my hair in French braids while I’m waiting for ’Nessa to get here?”

“Yes!” Teri agreed exitedly, “but I need to call Donna and ask her to come over. Where are we going for pizza?”

“Giuseppe’s is where we usually go,” her brother told her. “But don’t worry about the money. I’ll pay for you and Donna.”

“Thanks, Bro!”

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Okay, Mom,” Danny said. “Teri has agreed to come if Donna can come, too, so she’s calling her now. And I’m asking Sis to braid my hair.”

“You’ll look cute in pigtails!” his Mom remarked, smiling at him.

“Actually, it’s French braids tonight,” he said, hoping not to disappoint his mother. “Sis really likes to do them and since this is what I’m planning to wear for the Hallowe’en party, I want something more sophisticated when I’m playing for it.”

“I must say,” his mother assured him, “when your girlie side comes out, it’s very elegant. Vanessa’s teaching you well. What was Teri wearing.”

“Her jeans and a tee-shirt. Why?”

“Well, if my son’s going out tonight in a dress, I’m not gonna let my daughter get away with with jeans and a tee-shirt.”

“Mom, please!” he began to object. “I don’t want to lose the opportunity because Sis doesn’t dress up when I do.”

“I just wish that your sister were less afraid of dressing like a girl than you are!”

“I know, Mom. But I’d rather you and her not argue over it now. Maybe she’ll change after she sees me getting ready. We’ll likely be going to Giuseppe’s, so maybe she’ll want to look nicer there.”

“I’m hoping that you or Vanessa might get her to dress up just a little. I swear, son, until you started your little hobby, I was afraid that I might be raising two boys!”

“Mom, she’s not that bad!”

“I haven’t seen your sister wear a skirt or a dress to school since it started.”

Danny wanted to say something to his mother, but he refrained from it. He so wanted to tell her that Teri kept two of the shortest minidresses around in her locker at school with a pair of high-heeled stiletto pumps that made him feel dizzy just to look at them! Sis indeed liked to wear dresses and skirts, but she also needed to assert her independence at home. The simple truth was that Teri loved to dress up, but she didn’t want their mother to know it. For some reason, she wanted Mom to think that she were a tomboy.

“I have and she looks pretty nice when she does,” Danny fibbed. He was lying somewhat, because Teri wouldn’t wear a dress to school. She would wear her jeans and then change into her prettier clothes at school.

“Well, I just wish she’d let me see it, then. There’s nothing that breaks a mother’s heart more than a daughter who won’t ever dress up!”

Of course, there were more serious things to break many a mother’s heart, but Teri’s tomboy style was Mom’s special worry for her daughter. Danny knew that although his sister had wanted to shed that image for a while now, she had also relied on it too long for asserting her independence as a teenager. So as a result, she didn’t know quite how to dress up without appearing to acquiesce to her mother’s expectations.

“Okay, Mom!” Danny sensed the direction that Mom was going in their conversation. “I’ll see if I can get Teri to dress up a little tonight.”

At first, Teri had welcomed her brother’s brief forays into crossdressing because it had diverted some of her mother’s attention from her own slovenly, unisex style of clothing. But when he dressed as a boy again, her mother then seemed to have redoubled her efforts to change Teri’s ways. But what really upset Teri, though, was that Danny (or Danielle) had never asked her for help in crossdressing.

“Do you think you can?” his Mom asked him.

“I’ll suggest it to her,” Danny promised. “But I’m doing this more to practice for Hallowe’en. And Vanessa really likes it when I dress up for her.”

Of course, Teri knew that her brother’s crossdressing was a boyfriend-girlfriend thing between him and Vanessa, but still, she hated being left out. Besides, since Vanessa had involved her sister, why didn’t Danny let her in on the fun, too? After all, she thought that a sister should be a brother’s first resource for dressing up as a girl.

“Do what you can, son,” his mother pled. “Or should I call you ‘Danielle’ now?”

“Not until I’m actually dressed up,” he replied.

“All right, then. You should go talk to your sister before Vanessa gets here!”

* * * * * * * * * * *

Once again, Danny scaled the staircase to his sister’s room. And again he rapped on her door.

“Come in!” Teri shouted from the other side of her door.

Opening the door, he entered to see her reclining on her bed, leisurely chatting into her cellphone, most likely with Donna.

“Sis,” he addressed her, “could I get you and Donna to dress up tonight, too? It would really help if you would. I won’t be quite so nervous if everyone is in skirts or dresses. Please?”

Teri maintained eye contact with her brother for just a moment longer before returning to her call.

“Donna,” she said into her cellphone, “Danielle would like everyone to wear a dress or skirt tonight. Are you game for it?”

“I’ve got a new skirt that I’ve been wanting an excuse to wear,” Donna answered. “It’s the perfect occasion for it. How’bout you? This won’t spoil your image as a rebellious daughter, will it?”

“Gosh no!” Teri replied. “This is all for my brother. His girlfriend likes him to dress up as a girl. He’s really quite stunning when he does. In a way, I wish he would more often. I kinda like having a sister, even if it’s only for an evening at a time.”

Danny blushed when he heard his sister say that. “Sis, I’m taking a shower now. Can I use your hair remover?”

“Sure,” she answered. “But do remember to get some more tomorrow. We’ll both prob’ly need it for the Hallowe’en party.”

* * * * * * * * * * *

Teri was looking forward to braiding Danny’s hair just as much as he was. He had felt bad for not including her during his previous episodes of crossdressing. Although they had their own friends, their own interests, and their own paths to follow as well as the usual rivalry between siblings, often tense and sometimes combative, there were occasions when they wanted to do things together as brother and sister. But the chance to go out as sister and sister was new for them. Danny’s invitation to their pizza dinner was nice enough, but Teri was absolutely giddy that he had asked her to braid his beautiful dark brown, almost black, hair. Firstly, she had always adored her brother’s long locks. So had all her girlfriends, most of whom felt cheated that a boy could have such adorably beautiful hair. But more than that, Teri loved to braid hair, especially in French braids. His request that she do his hair in French braids was like someone offering him an opportunity to play a violin by Stradivarius. And he really loved the way his sister worked with braids. He had decided some time ago that if he were to dress up again, she would get to do his hair.

Teri opened her closet, scanned it for something nice to wear on her brother’s first girls’ night out. At first, she giggled to herself at the idea of her brother having a girls’ night out. Next, she smiled thinking that it was silly and crazy for her brother to have a girls’ night out, but that silliness and craziness had also made it very sweet. Then, she fought back the tears welling up in her eyes, because Danny had asked her to participate in this crazy and silly, yet wonderfully sweet event in his life. But then the tears flowed when she understood that she would be going out with not just her brother, but also with Danielle, the sister that she had always wanted.

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Mom,” Teri sniffled, “I need your help!”

“What ever for?” her mother asked. “Is anything wrong?”

“No,” she whimpered. “Everything’s righter than it’s ever been. My sister’s asked me go with her for her very first girls’ night out. I wanna dress up for it but dunno what to wear. I don’t wanna mess it up for her.”

Mom hugged Teri firmly and warmly, but she too began to cry. A long time had passed since her daughter had asked her for help getting dressed. She had simply hoped to see Teri in a skirt or a dress for the evening. But Danny had instead triggered something somewhere deep inside his sister. Their mother had always thought him a loving big brother to Teri, but never had she thought he might even be a big sister to her as well! Indeed, this would be an exciting night for Mom to wrap her mind around.

“Don’t worry, my baby darling!” Mom addressed her. “You’re not gonna mess up anything for your sister. It’s just important to her that you be there. You're her sister and she wants you there. Did she ask you to braid her hair?”

“Uh-huh,” Teri answered. “She wants French braids. She asked me to do them for her.”

“So, she’s asked you for something special. Danielle wants you to help make her as pretty a girl as you can. I can’t think of anything else that you could do more special for her than that.” With that, Mom felt Teri relax as she renewed her hug.

Mom was herself startled for a moment as she realized that both Teri and she consistently had referred to Danny as a female throughout their conversation. She had never referred to her son as ‘Danielle’ before now, except when talking directly to him. Somehow, she was thinking of her own son as a daughter now.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Out of the shower, Danny returned to his bedroom. He’d wrapped himself in a towel as best he could in girl-style, but he was lucky to make it back to his room just before it fell off. His long hair was wet, too. He had given up trying to figure out how to wrap his hair in a towel turban-style. He would need his sister to show him how to do that if he were going to continue with this.

He notice on his bed a rectangular black box trimmed with silver ribbons and a silver bow. A silver gift card with black lettering read on its outside:

A Special Something
for
Someone Special

He opened the card and inside it read:

Since Vanessa said you’d be dressing as a Goth girl for Hallowe’en, I thought you might like this. She will be wearing a matching set. Enjoy! —Mom

He lifted the lid of the box and saw white tissue paper loosely wrapping a set of lingerie in black and red satin and lace. It was a black and red basque with red garters and a matching panty, all trimmed in black and red lace. A lovely pair of black patterned and seamed stockings completed the set.

Suddenly feeling flushed, Danny inhaled and sighed. If he had looked in his mirror at that moment, he would have seen the reddest blush ever.

If Vanessa were wearing such lingerie, he indeed wanted to wear his to match hers. He couldn’t—he wouldn’t imagine not wearing it. To Danny, wearing matching lingerie was an act of love—straight, unabashedly heterosexual love for her. The reason for his crossdressing was that it was special for him and his belovèd Vanessa. If she needed or wanted him to do it, he’d dress like a girl every day. To him, that was the manly thing to do. And like so many tests of manhood, he’d do so however frightened of it he might be.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Looking at herself in the full-length mirror on her closet door, Teri was dressed in an elegant simplicity. She wore a navy turtleneck with a pleated gray miniskirt, nude pantyhose, and her favorite knee-length, three-inch heeled black boots. A simple pendant hung from a gold neckchain matching her wristwatch and a bracelet. Her mother had helped Teri decide what to wear this special evening for going out with her brother-become-sister.

She heard a knock on the door.

“Come in!” Teri called out.

The door swung open and Danny passed the threshold, wearing his black kimono that he allowed to fall open to reveal his new black lingerie and stockings. Also, he wore his black maribou slippers with three-inch heels once again. His long, dark brown locks were already curling and beginning to fluff as they dried. His face was soft enough that his appearance already seemed girlish wearing only his lingerie and stockings.

“Oh, Danny!” she gasped. “Wow! I’m jealous of you! It’s a crime when you don’t dress like a girl. Me and Mom should get you a girl’s wardrobe and donate all your other clothes. No wonder Vanessa likes you this way! I never told you this, but all my girlfriends want to have hair like yours.”

“Mom thinks it’s a crime, too, when you wear faded jeans and tee-shirts,” Danny criticized his sister. Then he noticed tears in her eyes. “Sis, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—“

“Bro! It’s all right!” Teri stepped up and embraced her brother more tightly than she ever had. He felt her kiss planted delicately on his cheek. “It’s more all right than ever. Mom helped me get dressed. I’m asking her to throw out my old jeans and worn out tee-shirts. When you asked me to dress up tonight it broke down that silly wall between me and Mom. Y’know, Mom asked me to go shopping with her and Vanessa and her mom and sister when they picked out that lingerie for you. But I refused to go because I didn’t wanna give in. But I still wanted to be in on it, too. After tonight, I’m dressing as pretty as I can every day!”

“Mom will like that,” Danny assured her.

“I know,” she affirmed. “I’ve already promised her. I wanna look and feel like a girl every day. You know that. You’ve seen me dressed up at school.”

Danny hugged her back. She was weeping profusely. “Sis, you’re a beautiful girl. Please don’t hide it from Mom anymore. She needs to know that she did right raising us. You’re proof that she did!”

Teri squeezed her brother in a hug yet tighter. “I’m so happy, Danny. Thank you so much!” she sobbed. “I love my big brother!”

Hugging her still, Danny felt himself crying as well, but it was different. He felt a quiet, peaceful joy inside. He wondered if this was what crying in happiness was like?

“I love you, too, Sis!” he said to her, returning her kiss before releasing his hug and taking her hands in his. “We’d better get started on those braids. Vanessa will be here soon.”

* * * * * * * * * * *

The doorbell chimed through the house and Mrs. Wiseborough answered it. It was a smiling teenage girl about her daughter Teri’s age with crystal blue eyes and her shoulder length, golden blond hair flowing in sassy curls. The hem of her pleated navy blue skirt peeked out the bottom of a matching authentic navy pea coat, stopping about mid-thigh. Her legs were covered in elegantly patterned gray hose. The girl wore a shiny pair of black pumps with four-inch heels and ankle straps.

“Come right in, Donna,” Mrs. Wiseborough greeted her with no less a smile than the teenager was gleaming to her. “May I take your coat?”

“Oh thank you, Mis’ess Wiseborough!” Donna answered unbuttoning her coat. “Good evening! How are you tonight?”

“I’m fine, thank you. And yourself?”

“Doing very well, thank you,” the girl answered as she handed Mrs. Wiseborough her coat. “Is Teri here?”

“Yes. She’s upstairs doing Danny’s hair right now,” her friend’s mother informed her. “Would you like to sit down. I don’t know if they’re quite ready for visitors yet.”

“Certainly, I can wait,” Donna replied, taking a seat on the sofa. “It’s going to be an interesting evening, I think.”

“That’s for sure, Donna. I never thought that I’d be looking forward to my son having his first girls’ night out!”

“But I’m not too surprised, Mis’ess Wiseborough,” Donna replied. “Almost every girl at school wishes she had Danny’s hair. If mine didn’t have its own curl, I’d be jealous, too. It’s just not fair for a boy to look as pretty as he is! He should hafta wear dresses now and then just so his looks aren’t wasted!”

Mrs. Wiseborough thought for a moment. Did her son look so much like a girl? She really hadn’t thought about it. Was that why Danny had been targeted by Dexter and his gang of bullies? That she couldn’t know. Only the perpetrators could answer. But what she also wondered was if her son might be gay? She had worried about it a long time. Dr. Beecham had explained to her that Danny might be transgendered, although she didn’t understand it very well. She did understand that it was not the same as gay, although she wasn’t sure how. But it meant that Danny might want to dress like a girl, live like a girl and even be a girl yet still be in love with his girlfriend and want to marry her and have a family with her. Already, Vanessa was referring to Danny and herself as “pre-engaged.”

Yet what if he were? He was still her son and she was his mother. As far as she was concerned, it didn’t really matter if he were. Well it did matter, but only because if he were transgendered, this would be a difficult path for him to follow. She could still love Danny and would always stand by him as he needed her. But she didn’t understand what it really meant to be transgendered. She couldn’t guide him or help him achieve success at it. She didn’t know how. Maybe that’s why a transgendered child presented such a test of love? Love and support was all that she could give. It was all that she had in such a situation. Anything else was completely outside her experience and thus very much foreign to her.

That’s what Mrs. Wiseborough really feared if Danny were transgendered: she might love him, but she didn’t know how to help him more tangibly if he should need it.

“You okay, Mis’ess Wiseborough?” Donna asked, calling her back to an immediate awareness.

“Sorry,” Mrs. Wiseborough apologized. “I was just thinking about what’s happening with Danny. Just let me say that if you girls all treat him nice, then you may be seeing ‘Danielle’ more often in the future. You see, he dresses as a girl because Vanessa really likes it when he does.”

“You mean they really are dating?” Donna wondered aloud. “For how long?”

“Almost a year,” Mrs. Wiseborough told her. “They’ve been together since just before the Autumn Concert a year ago.”

“So it’s true!” Donna affirmed. “I thought it was just a rumor. No one has seen them together. In fact, I don’t think anybody’s seen Vanessa with a guy at all.”

“They’re very discreet about their relationship. For most of the time they hang out either here or at her home, studying together or rehearsing music.”

“All this time, I thought that those were just rumors.”

“Those rumors?” Mrs. Wiseborough probed Donna for more information. “Were there more?”

“Well, the biggest rumor was that Vanessa’s a lesbian,” Donna related. “She’d been seen going out with another girl and they’d even been seen kissing in Giuseppe’s.”

Mrs. Wiseborough couldn’t help but grin, so she turned her head slightly as she tried to conceal her amusement over the truth as she knew it.

“Then Vanessa’s girlfriend must be—,” Donna concluded in quizzical surprise, “Omigosh!—She’s been dating Danny? When he’s in drag?”

Donna slapped her hand over her mouth in a vain attempt to stifle her giggling while Mrs. Wiseborough herself blushed due to a naughty feeling that she hadn’t felt since her own teenage years. Although she had more experience at supressing the giggles than did Donna, the amused mother made no attempt to do so.

“But nobody could tell that was him,” Donna objected.

“Vanessa’s very good at dressing him up,” confirmed Mrs. Wiseborough, “and she’s also taught him how to talk and act as a girl. I think that another reason he likes doing it is because the challenge of appearing as a girl fascinates him, but he’d not admit that, especially not to himself. And I believe that deep down he really enjoys it, too, although he won’t admit that to himself either. But he’s as happy as he is anxious—“

Just then, the doorbell chimed again.

“Excuse me, Donna, while I get the door…”

When Mrs. Wiseborough opened the door, three faces, two of them familiar, Vanessa and Erica, smiled back at her. Vanessa also held a small valise, and Erica, a garment bag.

“Good evening, Mrs. Wiseborough!” Vanessa greeted her. “We’re here for Danny. We brought some clothes for him. And I don’t believe you know our friend with us. This is our friend, Bonnie. She plays viola in the school orchestra and in our string quartet as well.”

“I’m pleased to meet you, Mis’ess Wiseborough,” Bonnie said politely.

“As am I, Bonnie,” assured Danny and Teri’s mother. “Please do come in everyone. Vanessa, Danny’s upstairs. Teri is fixing his hair.”

Mrs. Wiseborough led them all into the salon to wait for Danielle’s appearance. She addressed herself to her previously seated guest. “Donna, do you know everyone here?”

“I know Vanessa but not the other two,” she admitted.

“Yes,” Vanessa began. “Donna, this is my older sister Erica and this our friend Bonnie.”

“Nice to meet all of you,” Donna said, as she stood to exchange hugs with everyone.

“Vanessa,” Mrs. Wiseborough said, turning her attention to her son’s girlfriend, “you can go right upstairs to get started with Danny. And he’s already wearing that ‘special something’ we picked out for him.”

* * * * * * * * * * *

About half an hour later, everyone heard the bolt of the latch to the front door slide open. Mr. Wiseborough entered and closed the door behind him. He was a little surprised to see Donna and Erica as well as another teenager, whose face he recognized but whose name he didn’t know, sitting on the sofa, and his wife, in her armchair. Unbuttoning his trenchcoat, he addressed everyone.

“Good evening, ladies,” he greeted them all. “How are you, Donna?”

“I’m fine, Mister Wiseborough. And yourself?”

“Happy to be home,” he answered. Next he addressed his attention to Erica. “How’bout you, Erica?”

“Quite well, thank you,” she answered.

“I take it that your sister is here, too?” he inquired.

“Yes, Vanessa is upstairs helping Teri with Danny.”

That was a strange way to phrase it, Mr. Wiseborough thought, unless—. He glanced at his wife and their eyes locked as imperceptibly they exchanged information silently as only a husband and wife, or a mother and father, can. He then turned to the new girl sitting on the sofa.

“Good evening, miss,” he said extending his hand. “I’m Thomas Wiseborough, Danny and Teri’s father.”

“Pleased to meet you, Mister Wiseborough,” she replied gripping his hand warmly. “I’m Bonnie Wechsler. I’m a friend of Vanessa, Erica, and your son. I play in the orchestra and in Vanessa’s string quartet.”

“What’s your instrument?”

“Viola.”

Just at that moment, Teri appeared at the top of the stairs. “I present to you,” she heralded, “Her Highness Danielle Wiseborough, the Princess of the Goths, and her escort, the Lady Vanessa Torre!” Vanessa led Danny—or Danielle—by the hand to the top of the staircase. The guests and Mrs. Wiseborough rose to their feet and began applauding the couple. Even Mr. Wiseborough joined in a moment later.

Once again, Danny’s feminine alter-ego had appeared as a stunning débutante. Danielle looked in every way the beautiful princess. Her face was made-up in a soft Goth style, with the blackest of eyeliner and mascara, and violet and gray eyeshadow. Her face seemed almost white. And for the first time ever, Danny had consented for Danielle to wear bright red lipstick and nail polish. A wet and shiny lipgloss completed her cosmetic look. She wore a tea-length black tafetta dress with shoulder straps and a corset-like bodice. Three ruffled black petticoats underneath filled out its volume. She wore her lovely black patterned seamed stockings. On her feet, she wore beautiful pumps of sueded leather with four-inch heels and ankle straps with elegant bows on her outer ankles. Her jewelry was a matched set in sterling silver with onyx insets, including a wristwatch and bracelet, a necklace with pendant, a pair of earrings, and for the crowning touch, an onyx and silver tiara was secured in her luxurious French-braided hair.

Pausing at the top of the stairs, Vanessa pulled Danielle close to her and engaged them both in the most passionate kiss that either of them had ever felt before. The onlookers stopped clapping to watch the resolution of this display of affection. When their lips had then unlocked and the couple stepped apart for breathing, Mr. Wiseborough’s little fingers moved unnoticed to the corners of his lips and suddenly, a wolf-whistle, the likeness of which had never been heard indoors, split an awkward, momentary silence. Danny then saw his dad grinning, initiating a second wave of applause. At that moment, the queasy feeling in the pit of his tummy that had been churning for the past two hours began giving way to a warm peaceful feeling at his solar plexus, which began to reinforce his girlish giddiness.

Vanessa led Danielle down the stairs and Teri followed. Mr. Wiseborough, hugging his two apparent daughters, warned them, “You girls be home by curfew.”

“Sure, Daddy,” Danielle answered for both Teri and herself. “We’ll call if anything unexpected happens.”

Mr. Wiseborough leaned over and whispered something in Danielle’s ear. She then embraced him in an intense hug, lifting herself off the floor. As he held her, she swung her legs back behind her, as if dancing on air. When they let go of the embrace, she was smiling with tears welling up in her eyes.

Vanessa raised her voice slightly, “Is everyone ready to go? Erica and Bonnie are both driving.”

Mrs. Wiseborough spoke quietly to her son-become-daughter, “I know Erica’s older, but what about Bonnie?”

“She’s a few months older than Erica, so she has that much more driving experience. Don’t worry so much, Mom!”

Mr. and Mrs. Wiseborough stood at their door, smiling and waving as a boy and five girls—no!—six girls seated themselves in two cars. As the cars drove away, the parental couple held one another and eached noticed the other both smiling and holding back tears.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Danny’s and Teri’s parents sat at their kitchen table over a cup of herbal tea.

“So, Tom,” the mother asked her husband, “what did you say to Danielle? I’ve never seen Danny hug you quite like that before.”

“I told him—her—,” he said, uncertain and uncomfortable in his choice of pronoun, “that even though I didn’t understand what’s happening, I’d still love him and that I’d support him the best I know how, whether as a boy or a girl.”

“How do you feel about what he’s doing, honey?”

“To be honest, I can’t say that I like his crossdressing, Marj. But I also know that trying to stop him would not help. It would be like you and Teri arguing over her clothes, but more intense.”

“Well, you did notice what your daughter was wearing tonight?” Marjorie asked him.

“She had on a skirt—a gray one?” he recalled somewhat uncertainly.

“That’s right!” she said, sipping her tea. “And she even asked me to help her get dressed tonight.”

“How did that happen?” Tom asked his wife.

“Danny—or Danielle got to her,” she replied to him, “although I don’t think it was how he intended it.”

“Oh?” her husband raised an eyebrow.

“She was afraid of spoiling the evening for Danny. She thought the idea of her brother having a girls’ night out was so sweet that she just had to be there. She was in tears when she asked me to help her choose something to wear. I think it was because she regarded the occasion as very special.”

“So, Danny’s behavior had a positive outcome for you and Teri,” Tom concluded. “That’s very reassuring to know.”

Marj noted that her husband had stated rather then asked his conclusion. That was also reassuring to her. In their private language, she knew that he agreed with her.

“What do you think about how Danny looked?”

“You heard me whistle,” the father answered his wife. “If Teri had gone out dressed as nice as that, I’d be worried sick!”

Marjorie giggled at Tom’s confession. She reached across the table offering her husband her hand. He took it.

“I’m glad you told him what you did. You told Danny the truth, that you don’t understand what’s happening and that you’ll still love him no matter what. He needed above all else to hear you say that. In a way we’re lucky. We may have both a talented son and a beautiful daughter joined together in one remarkable child. Teri hinted to me that she liked having a big sister even if it were only for a day now and then.”

“Maybe, but I’m afraid of losing my son.”

“Yet Danielle, his feminine persona, I think must be an extension of Danny’s own personality,” Marj explained. “Even if he were to become Danielle twenty-four and seven, I think Danny would still be here, too.” She squeezed her husband’s hand.

“Yeah, but I’m still worried about him,” Tom admitted to her. “After that beating, I’m always afraid it—“

“I know. You’re afraid it might happen again. So am I. Yes, I’m afraid of him being attacked again. But he wasn’t dressed like a girl when it happened. He was wearing jeans and a shirt like any other boy his age. And it wasn’t at night. It was mid-afternoon, coming home from school. And it wasn’t random violence, but a planned and organized attack. He was not attacked for being a crossdresser or being gay or even just being different. He was attacked because bullies feel a perverted need to beat someone up. The name-calling was an excuse for their own underdeveloped minds. If they hadn’t attacked Danny, they’d have attacked someone else.”

“Still, I worry about him,” the father reiterated his concern.

“So am I, honey,” she assured him. “But our worries here are not unique to Danny or ourselves. No one is safe when gangs like Dexter’s roam the streets. Neither gay nor straight nor in between.”

“So then how did you get over your worries about him?” Tom asked his wife.

“Who said I did?” she said to disabuse him of the notion. “I’m still just as worried about him as you are. But I gave him rules for going out crossdressed. They’re really just a variation on the rules we gave Teri for dating. But by following the rules, he can feel that he can do something to take charge of his life.”

“That sounds more like mere security theater to me,” he objected.

“And maybe it is,” Marj conceded. “But if we can’t stop the bullies, maybe we can help him protect himself by building his self-esteem a little.”

Tom really didn’t know how to respond to his wife’s point. Maybe he shouldn’t.

“So, does he ever crossdress here?”

Marj glanced up to the corner of her mind. “Y’know, I think that this was the first time he’s actually dressed up here. You might remember that he’s come home crossdressed after concerts, but he’s always dressed up for them at Vanessa’s.”

“He’s really got it bad for her,” Tom observered, grinning. Again, as a statement rather than a question, it was clear that they both agreed. “What do you think about them?”

“I believe they’re using the term ‘pre-engaged’ with their friends. As I understand it, that’s more than just casual dating.”

“So, how do you feel about them being that serious?” he asked her.

“They’re both highly intelligent and very talented. Mis’ess Torre has certainly encouraged their relationship. She believes that Danny has a great future and wants Vanessa along for the ride. And in truth, there aren’t many girls like Vanessa. She has as much to offer in her own right as Danny. Those two are more than a couple; they’re a team and I think that they’re slowly coming to realize it.”

“But they’re so young to commit to each other now,” Tom said.

“Yes, they are,” Marj agreed. “But there are other considerations than their youth.”

“Like…?”

“Their long-term suitability and the likelihood of more suitable mates to appear in the future. Seriously, Danny and Vanessa have grown up together. They’ve been working out their disagreements, largely by themselves, since kindergarten. I think it very unlikely that either will find partners who will understand them better than those two already know each other.”

Tom thought for a moment, sipping his tea. He grinned. “Do you remember when he was in second grade, that he asked us if he was supposed to marry Vanessa when he grew up?”

“Yes. That was so sweet,” Marj answered. “Do you think he still does?”

“Not consciously,” Tom answered. “But the subconscious memory is likely driving his whole relationship with her.”

“That—and his hormones!” Marj added, again sipping her tea. “Whatever motivates Danny to become a princess for Hallowe’en, there’s one thing that we’d do well not to forget: no matter how pretty a girl he dresses up as, he’s still a teenage boy very much in love with a teenage girl!”

“Let’s just say,” Tom objected, “that seems to me very much counter-intuitive. Does a boy usually get a girl’s attention by dressing like her?”

“Remember, his crossdressing was initially encouraged by Vanessa and she does encourage him to continue. Mis’ess Torre thinks that it’s their special way of showing affection for each other. Besides, I’ve seen boys do crazier—and far more dangerous—things to win a girl’s affection. So, when you see your son in dresses, stockings and high heels, remember that may be his male hormones at work as well as his feminine side!”

“Marj! You gotta be kidding!”

“Honey, don’t you remember some of the amazingly silly things we did while we were dating?”

Tom’s face turned red as he thought back to his youth.

“Point taken.”

Marj wondered which of those long-ago antics had just now resulted in her husband’s blushing.

“So, why then, with all your misgivings, did you still promise that to Danny?”

“Oh, that’s simple,” Tom conceded. “Misgivings or not, it was the right call.”