What was lost…
copyright 2011 Faeriemage
Treasure is in the eye of the beholder, and no this isn't a D&D reference.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a fantastical representation of both MIT and environs. I make no claim that I know how anything is situated.

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Dear Mr. Jacob Peters,

The admissions committee has reviewed your application to MIT…

No, that's not the actual text that was in the letter, nor do I remember it. I think mom framed it and put it on the wall. Me, my stomach fell through the floor. I'd applied almost on a whim, and completely without any inkling that they would allow me in.

Not that I had poor grades, or because of lack of extracurricular activities. No, I had those in spades.

The real reason is that all of the people who I was up against for the limited slots for undergraduates had transcripts the equal of my own.

I didn't have the heart to tell mom that my pitiful college fund would not be enough to even really begin paying for MIT. Maybe with a loan, a job, and the seventy thousand in the fund, I would make it through two years…or possibly more. I hadn't checked the semester costs recently.

Ok, let's be a little more serious.

The costs are approximately $55,000 for nine months worth of schooling. Assuming going home over the summer semester, then that is my yearly cost.

Without any loan, then I could handle about a year and a half. With a loan, I could probably get through the five years of an engineering degree.

But then I'd be on the hook for $200,000.

"Honey, you've always wanted to go to this school. I'm so proud of you."

Why does your mother have to make your life a living hell just by making such small statements?

"I'm so happy, Mom. This is the coolest."

What else was I supposed to say?

I'd just committed myself to a school that would cost me $275,000 over the next five years. This barely covered food.

Now, I'm not a foodie by any stretch of the imagination. More I'm one of those guys who can live on ramen and not complain about it. Mom and I had actually lived on rice and butter for six months during high school.

You do what you need to do to survive, and sometimes that means eating things that just aren't that interesting.

So, the first thing I would cut out of my budget would be food. The second would be entertainment. All I'd need to do would be to find a good role playing group, one who didn't mind my character proclivities, and I'd be set.

Not that there's anything wrong with my characters, just that I always play a girl. Hot, plain, tall, short, fat or thin. It doesn't matter to me, and I've played them all. I just always play a girl. Now, don't go reading anything into it. Julie, my previous DM, tried to get me to talk to her therapist. Something about me being transgendered or something.

From playing Girls in our role playing sessions?

Come on, there are lots of guys who do that. I mean, why would there be a joke about it otherwise. You know the one I'm talking about. The alternate meaning of MMORPG?

No?

Many Men Online Role Playing Girls?

Forget I said anything then.

Regardless, here I was, contemplating my future, and I realized for the first time that I would not be going to any future local sessions with my group.

Well, we all knew that was likely to change. Especially since one of our players was off to Harvard. Another would be going to Oxford, of all places. Well, the time of fun in basements had to come to an end sometime, but the seven of us had been playing together since I was twelve.

Six years.

And now? Now I would be off to a whole new adventure.

Packing up my things wasn't a big chore. I had few articles of clothing, and fewer other possessions that I would be taking with me. I would be packing light. Since I would be travelling by bus, not the most enjoyable method of travel, but the cheapest by far, I wanted to take hardly anything with me.

I don't need to tell you what it's like traveling by bus. Either you've done it, in which case you don't want a reminder, or you haven't, in which case nothing I say will make you understand. I'm sure there are people who like to travel by bus, but I'm not one of them.

I slept, I talked to a few people, and I looked out at the scenery.

Ok, so I do enjoy watching the world go by at the speed of a car. Before dad left we took a lot of vacations as a family. Colorado is a great place to start from. Course it seemed as if every trip we took lead us through Las Vegas.

And lots of winding mountain roads.

And tons of construction. It seems that when everyone else gets a vacation, the road crews just begin their work.

Regardless, I developed the ability to simply stare out a window and watch the miles, and hours, melt away. It is relaxing in a zen sort of way. But even so, sharing a smelly bus with people who want to do nothing but regale you with stories of the cats they left at home…

The trip was over and I found myself in Cambridge, Massachusetts with only two weeks until class started to kill. I was registered, had a dorm room to call my own. I moved myself in, with the couple of changes of clothing I owned, and went to purchase my books.

A thousand dollars poorer and I had all the books I needed for my first semester of classes.

I wandered around the school, watching the people who were going to the summer semester go from class to class, and a feeling of peace entered me. I was supposed to be here.

I just smiled and walked around.

Eventually, my wandering lead me to the student center, and I gravitated toward the bulletin board. I'd had some thought that a role playing group might be advertising here, but that wasn't the case. People looking for new roommates. People selling old furniture. People offering services from maid to computer repair. And off in one corner, a little older than the rest and given what seemed a place of honor there was a single, off white, 3x5 note card.

If you are reading this, then I can use someone like you. Not everyone thinks to look for the old and faded when there are so many other newer and flashier offers on hand. Hands is what I need, preferably young and strong, but any will do. If you are still reading this, then call me at the number below. Ask for Stan.

I was intrigued to say the least, so I walked over to the nearest payphone and called the number. I took the card with me.

"Hello?"

"I'm looking for Stan?"

"You found him. What can I do for you?"

"I'm in the MIT student center and…"

"You saw my card, huh?"

"Yes."

"Have to say that in the fifteen years that card has sat there, your one of the few that has called me. So, are you afraid of a little hard work…what was your name?"

"Jake."

"Isn't that a boy's name?"

I blushed. Even at eighteen, my voice was still high, and it embarrassed me all too often.

"My name is Jacob Peters, Stan. I am male."

"Sorry, you're a prodigy or something."

"No, just have a nice Irish tenor."

"Gotcha. So, Jake, why don't you meet me Saturday morning at Allied Storage. I'll need you to help me sort through some stuff. Get there before nine and I will explain a little more about what it is that I do."

"Ok, Stan. How will I recognize you?"

"I'll be the guy in the bowler."

"People still wear those?"

"Not that I know of, which is why I use one to identify myself."

I shook my head at the concept, and said my goodbyes. That would be on Saturday. Until then, there would be an entire week in which I had nothing to do.

I went back to my dorm to find the other bed taken up by my new roommate.

"Hey, you must be Jake, right?"

"I'm sorry, how did you know my name?"

"I requested a freshman be put with me. Name's Brad. Well, I'm a freshman too, I think. Started as soon as high school let me out. Summer you know. Figure I want to get done with this formality as soon as possible."

"You talk too fast, Brad."

"Sorry, just a bit nervous. Never had a room mate before, and you seem…well…sorry. Not my place."

"Seem what, Brad."

"Jake, you seem a little gay."

"What?"

"Maybe that's girly. I mean look…"

He gestured around the room. My side was neatly organized. My books were already on the shelf on my side of the room. My clothes were hanging up, or put away. My bed was made, using sheets and a comforter. The comforter had taken up most of my luggage space. Nothing screamed girl to me. The bedding was blue. A deep royal one. The clothing was button shirts and slacks. I had sneakers and dress shoes and a couple of pairs of sandals.

It's not like I put up curtains…of course now that I thought about it, I considered what curtains would look best in our room.

I shook myself and looked at Brad's side of the room. It was cluttered bordering on downright messy.

"Brad, I think the word you're looking for is organized."

"Then you're not..gay?"

"No, I'm not going to attack you in the middle of the night. Even if I were gay, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be my type. You're too…geeky."

"Looks who's talking, nerd."

We laughed at this. I was wearing a short sleeved button shirt and a pair of beige knee length shorts. I think he was right.

"This is what I like to wear, okay. Deal with it."

"I like you, Jake. You're alright. So, some of the guys and I play touch football on Saturdays. Wanna come out and play with us?"

"I've always been more of a D&D guy myself, but I could play with you all."

"You really are a nerd."

"Yeah, but you're here too."

"Not every person here is a nerd or a geek or whatever, Jake. This is a diverse campus."

"Yeah, I figured."

"Well, good luck finding a role play group. And if you find one, let me know. I might consider joining."

I laughed at this. Ok, it was sort of a titter. I was always embarrassed at my real laugh, and usually tried to 'man' it up. I forgot this time, and it caused Brad to almost fall down laughing.

I couldn't help it, I started laughing as well, which set Brad off even more.

"I have to run off to class, Jake. See you later, 'kay?"

"Bye, Brad."

I lay down on my bed, and began to read my text books. I had nothing else to do, and it never hurts to be prepared.

"So, Jake, I thought your classes didn't start for a couple of weeks."

"Eek." I jumped.

Brad began laughing.

"Stop that, it's not funny."

"Dude, you really need to stop doing things like that. Let your hair grow a bit and everyone's going to think you're a girl."

"Not funny, Brad."

"It's freakinilarious, Jake."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. So, you ready to come down to dinner? Want to introduce you to the rest of the guys."

"But I thought that the cafeteria didn't open til…six…huh. Where did the day go?"

Brad laughed at me as I got up and followed him out the door.

The cafeteria served the quad of buildings around it, which meant a couple of hundred students. We slipped in, and a group of guys waved at brad. We made our way through the line, grabbed our food, and sat down next to the other four.

"Guys, my new roommate, Jake. Jake, this is Seth, Aaron, Michael who prefers Kelly for some reason, and Liam."

"Kelly?"

"Too many mikes in my high school. In my sophomore year I decided that everyone should call me Kelly, since there wasn't a single one of those in the school. My best friend decided that was a good idea and he picked Brent."

"How many Michaels were there?"

"Fifty seven."

"You're kidding…right?"

"Nope. Inner city school, and everyone wanted another Jordan, I think."

It was funny. I hadn't even noticed that he was…well…darker skinned than the other guys. He wasn't what I would call black, he looked more Latin to me, but now that he mentioned it…

I blushed and looked away. I'd been staring.

"Sorry, it is just…"

"Don't worry about it. Mom was born in Ireland, and so was my dad's mom. Seems the guys in my family keep finding our wives in Ireland. You're not Irish are you?"

My jaw dropped open, and before I could say anything Brad spoke up, "He's my roommate."

Kelly blushed and the rest of us laughed.

"Sorry, man. my fault. You just sound so…well…"

"I know. It sucks to be me. When everyone else was getting deeper voices, I just stayed the same."

"Did you consider you might have a medical condition? I knew this kid in school who everyone thought was a boy…"

"Yes, we did the tests. The doctors just think that my body might not be ready for puberty yet. No reason they can find. I have grown, though, so at least there's that. And hey, I only have to shave once a week."

"Dude, I so wish," Seth said.

We laughed at this. I made sure to get a little more of a chuckle than my normal titter.

The rest of the week was more of the same. I finished my first text book, Introduction to Psychology, on Friday. It was fascinating. Well, in a weird disturbing sort of way.

We continued to eat in the cafeteria as a group. All of us were freshmen, and none of us wanted to pledge. Brad initially thought that was why I'd come to school early, but no. I had no interest in a fraternity.

Saturday morning, I was too excited to sleep. I didn't know why I was so excited, but I was. Something about the unknown always thrilled me.

I got up, got dressed, and slipped out into the predawn for a brisk five mile walk to the storage facility.

Stan looked ridiculous. He had the darkest skin I had ever seen. It was almost iridescent. He had eyes that looked black in the light from the street lamp and hair that was as white as new driven snow. He had a stubbly beard and a ready smile.

"Stan?"

"I recognize that voice. Hi, Jake. you ready to go treasure hunting?"

"Treasure hunting?"

"Yeah. You see, people hire storage companies to hold their stuff. When they fail to pay for long enough, the storage company auctions off the storage units to pay for the loss. You get a couple of days to clear it all out, and whatever is in there, is yours to keep."

"Ok, but how is this treasure hunting?"

"People store the strangest things, and usually it is things that are valuable to them. Sometimes, more often than not, these things are valuable to other people as well."

"I'm with you so far."

"I have contacts with antiques dealers, second hand clothes shops, jewelers, and so on that I sell my goods to. Well, not the antiques dealers or the jewelers. They sell them in their shops and then give me a cut of the profits."

"So, this is a business."

"Pretty good one for me. If you learn the ropes, you might be able to do this for yourself."

"But, I'd be in competition with you."

"So? There are more storage units than I can afford, and as you've seen, I'm not a young man. I do this for the thrill of discovery. If you stick with me for at least three months then I'll personally put in a good word with my people."

He stuck out his hand to me, and I shook it.

"Ok, I can do that."

"Great. The auctions begin in a couple of minutes, so let's head in and see what we have."

I listened as Stan talked to the owner about how long the units had been paid up before the payments lapsed. Some had been here for years, and some only a couple of months.

Stan pushed the hardest on the ones that had been here for the longest. The one Stan picked up went for 3500 dollars.

The owner of the facility cut the lock, and Stan slapped one of his own in place. Then he handed me a lock, and seven thousand dollars.

"Now I want to see if you were paying attention."

We went on, and I didn't even bid on the first two. The third however, caught my eye for the name, more than the length of time that it had been here. DAR was prominent at the end of the name line, and I had a feeling about it. They'd kept up their payments for the first two months, and then nothing since.

"I'll be opening up the bids at fifty dollars for this one."

"Fifty."

"One hundred."

"One ten."

"One thousand."

There was a gasp from Stan, and the auctioneer guppied for a moment, but no one else said anything.

"Going to the girl for one thousand…sold."

He snipped the lock, and I stood there. Stan stood there next to me. They walked a bit away and so I held my breath and opened the door.

"Shit…"

Stan said nothing more for a moment as we simply stood there looking at the contents of the storage locker. It was row after row of colonial period dresses. Some were obvious reproductions, but many had the look of time hanging about them. They were mounted on museum racks and they just looked out at us from the locker.

They took my breath away.

I'd never seen anything as pretty as that. I wanted to go in there and touch them, but common sense kept me from doing it.

"I doubt we'll be able to get the entire thousand back, but that is a good eye, Jackie."

"Jake."

"Yeah, Jake. Sorry. I've never seen this much history in a single locker."

Stan pulled out his cell phone and began making calls. I stood there looking at the dresses.

Eventually, a stern looking woman came up to us and looked into the locker. "Thanks, Stan. You were right to call us. You know that my museum doesn't have the money to afford…"

"Becky, just take the damn dresses. I'll get my thousand back another way."

"A thousand? You only had to pay…here. Take the five I brought with me. I thought that something like this would have gone for a lot more."

"It was Jake here. We might have gotten it for less if I hadn't jumped the gun. No one else wanted to go above five hundred."

"Stan, the only reason the other's dropped off at a thousand is that I jumped so much further ahead of them. Both of the other people in the bidding had gone as high as two thousand on other lockers without winning. They were shocked that I broke protocol."

Stan laughed at me, and Becky smiled.

"This is a shrewd one, Stan. Hold onto him. So, we still on for dinner this evening?"

"Of course. Here's the key for the lock. We have another locker to look into."

We closed the door and put the lock in place.

"Another? Don't you usually only do one a week?"

"With Jake to help me, I figure I can do two for a while."

"Good luck you two."

"Thanks, Becky."

We walked over to the other locker, and opened it up. Inside, in a wooden frame, was the largest chandelier I'd ever seen.

"Damn, but if you aren't a good luck charm, Jake."

"Why? It's just a chandelier."

"You have a lot to learn, Jackie-boy."

He got on his phone, again, and talked for a few minutes with an Edgar.

"He thinks it's likely a pre-civil war piece that didn't get destroyed in the sacking of the south. He'll have to check in person, but if it is, then this is likely worth somewhere between five and six thousand to us when it sells."

"So, we made about seven thousand today?"

"Yes, we did."

I was shocked. Seven thousand…in one week.

"Well, actually. I made twenty-five hundred. You made four thousand."

"But, I mean, it was your money."

"Well, if you don't have the thousand, then I can always…"

"Can you come by my dorm? I've got the money there."

"Jake, what are you holding in your hand?"

I was still holding the five thousand that Becky had given me. I blushed and counted out a thousand of it for Stan.

"In the future, I'm not fronting you anything. Do this with your own money. And in the future, we split the proceeds evenly, ok? This one was to reward you for having a better instinct at this than I do. How did you know what was in that locker?"

"D A R."

He looked at me for a moment, blankly, and then he started laughing. "I'm getting too old for this, it seems. Either that or no one else made the connection. Daughters of the American Revolution. Good catch, Jackie-boy."

I let his nickname pass. I'd been called worse, and at least he recognized I was a guy.

When Edgar arrived with a couple of guys to look at the chandelier, he increased his estimate by a little bit. It was apparently leaded crystal and not just cut glass. I still don't really know the difference.

I said goodbye to Stan, agreeing to meet him at Adamantium Secure Storage next week, and headed home.

I had just lain on the bed when I felt myself being shaken. "Jake, you coming?"

"Huh?"

"Football?"

I got up and followed Brad and the guys out to the field where they played. We weren't the only ones there, but we were the biggest group. There was a girl out there with us, but I quickly learned to give her a wide berth. Sure, it was called touch football, but she almost tackled anyone with the ball. It seemed like she had something to prove to the rest of us.

Our team won by a couple of touchdowns, not that we were really keeping score.

We went into the cafeteria for dinner after we all took time out to shower.

"Hey, guys, why don't we rent a house together."

Sean looked hopefully around the table.

"Is that the best idea?"

"I'm up for it," I responded.

"It can get a little expensive, Jake, I know that you are a little tight for cash…"

"I'm actually good, Brad. Sure, it might be a onetime thing, but I might have a job that can pay for my school and some other things."

"Huh?"

"I made four thousand this morning."

"Jake, you know that prostitution is illegal," Kelly said.

"Jerk, no, I found some museum quality dresses in a storage locker. Got paid five thousand for them. After the thousand I paid for the locker…"

"You can make money doing that?"

"Apparently. My partner made three thousand."

"You're sure you're not just saying this so that we don't rat you out for whoring?"

"Kelly?"

"It's a legitimate concern, Brad."

"Guys, you can come with me at nine next Saturday if you really want to see."

"In the morning?" Sean asked.

"Yes in the morning."

"No thanks." There was laughter at this, but nods of agreement from the other guys.

"So, about the house…"

"Can we ask my girlfriend to join us," Kelly asked.

"You know the rules about co-ed dorms," Seth said.

"There are rules?" I asked.

Liam snorted, "Of a sort. Basically, any co-ed buildings have to have separate rooms for male and female students, and in general the numbers of men to women need to be even, or close to it."

"Wait, what?"

Aaron picked up the thread, "Yeah, stupid, but that is the rule. Supposedly the even number is to keep us all honest or something."

I shook my head at this, but smiled.

"Well, then, let's do it."

We spent the rest of the day online looking for a house. I knew that it would mean not eating in the cafeteria, but that would save me money in the long run. Ramen and rice are less even than what I was paying for my food here in the cafeteria.

I'd save all of the money I could and then when I was ready, I could focus on nothing but school, and then I'd be done and have no debt hanging over me.

It was a perfect plan.

Most of the next week, we looked into housing. We finally found a four bedroom house just off campus, and we were really happy with it. Kelly and Aaron would share a room. So would Liam and Seth. That let Brad and I solo.

Since I paid the security deposit, they figured that it was only fair. I think Brad was still uncomfortable around me for some reason.

Saturday morning I came to Adamantium prepared. I brought ten thousand with me. It would be enough, I hoped, for anything that came along.

I didn't make out this time as well as last. I paid four thousand for clothing and a couple of chairs. Stan paid three hundred for a tiffany lamp. Between the two of us we cleared a thousand each.

Not the four thousand I'd made last week, but it was a positive increase. That would be fifty-two thousand a year. I could live with that.

We finished moving into the new house after I came back from the storage facility. I played football with the other guys, and then went back to the storage facility. I had to sort the clothing out into usable and unusable. I folded all of it, dusted it, and ended up with a few boxes for Stan's second hand store. They paid me seven hundred for the lot.

The chairs were worth thirty eight hundred dollars.

The lamp was worth just under two thousand.

There were other things in Stan's locker, but nothing worth really anything.

I went home and lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I could do this. I could.

What was lost…
copyright 2011 Faeriemage
Treasure is in the eye of the beholder, and no this isn't a D&D reference.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, there will be some mention of role playing, gaming not sexual, in this story. It is not a story about it, but in a proper setting, with friends who support you, RPGs can serve as a place to explore who you are as a person, and what really matters to you. They're also a lot of fun.

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Monday morning rolled around and I leaped out of bed. I wanted to get the first day of school out of the way and get on with the rest of my life. I passed Brad and crew in the kitchen on my way out, and hurried onto the campus. September wasn't the depth of fall, but the trees were starting to change color, and missed having a jacket for the moment. I'd have to buy one before it got too much colder.

Maybe I'd find a suitable one in the treasures that I'd be going through. The last one I found was hanging in my closet. Remember at the beginning of this paragraph where I said suitable? It was a women's jacket. Leather. Burgundy, or whatever you call a red so deep as to be black in anything other than direct sunlight.

It almost fit me. I say almost as it was made for someone with breasts. It sort of, well, hung on the top part of my body. The shoulders and waist, however, fit me perfectly.

I really don't know what that says about me, other than I have a really slender frame.

It fit so well that I really couldn't bear to have it anywhere but in my closet. That and they'd only offered me ten dollars for it at the second hand shop. Apparently the color was too outré.

Even if it wasn't made for a man, though, I sort of wished that I had it walking across the campus that morning. It was colder than I'd expected, and the more I thought about that coat hanging in my closet, the more I realized I was a fool not to wear it to class.

After my two morning classes were over, I took the walk back to my house, and the day hadn't chosen to get any warmer.

You'd think I'd be used to cold weather, living on the plains of Colorado and all, but let me tell you, I wear coats any time it dips below sixty. I don't know why, but I always felt so…cold…in the winter.

I put on the coat, leaving it open in the front so that it wouldn't be so obvious that I didn't have the proper equipment to fill it and looked at myself in the mirror. I changed out for my second pair of sneakers, as the wite just didn't seem to fit with it, and then I changed my shirt. Somehow the two dark colors clashed. I picked a lighter shirt, a shade of green I have no real name for, and it seemed to work.

I left the house with a bounce in my step, warm for the first time that day.

I entered my math class, and sat near the front of the class. It went by quickly. I like math. I gathered my books and was making my way out of the room when I heard a voice behind me.

"I haven't seen you in the dorms."

"I have a house with some friends."

"A house full of freshman girls. Aren't you scared?"

I went bright red. "I think, look I mean, sorry. I'm a guy."

I pushed past her, wanting to die. I should have expected that the coat would enhance my already feminine appearance.

"Look, girl, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of people are still a little tomboy in college. Even if you feel more like a boy than the girl that nature made you there are options."

I stopped and just stared at her. She was pretty in a vague sort of way. I'm sure that Seth would have liked her, anyway, for the types of girls that he seemed to stare at when he got the opportunity.

"Unless I lied to the school about my gender, I doubt I'd be living in a house full of other boys."

"You lied to the school…"

I wasn't about to drop my shorts, so I lifted my shirt and showed her my chest. Flat and barely manly, but male none the less.

"I'm a boy."

"Oh…wow. sorry. It's just that your voice…and that jacket…"

"It was free. Beggars and choosers and all that."

"Wow. I just made a fool of myself."

"No, I get it a lot. I should be less defensive. It's not like I'm trying to look all manly. Maybe I should shave my head."

"No, then you'd just look like Sinead O'Connor."

"Who?"

"Female rock star from the 90's…never mind. It wouldn't make you look more like a guy is all I'm saying. Maybe if you grew a mustache or something."

"Who are you?"

"Oh, sorry, I'm Sadie."

"Jake," I said and shook her hand in greeting. "Look, Sadie, I would definitely grow facial hair if I could, but I've seriously considered just pulling the one or two hairs that do grow, instead of shaving."

"Really? That little?"

"My arms should give you a clue."

I pushed up the sleeve of my coat and showed her the peach fuzz that took the place of my arm hair. Fine and blonde and almost invisible.

"No, I think you shouldn't tweeze."

"Huh?"

"If hair like that were covering your face, you'd look even more feminine."

I tittered at her and then put my hand over my mouth.

"Did you just giggle?"

"I didn't…yeah, I guess I did."

"You are such a girl."

"Hey."

"Look, either change your mannerisms, dress, and voice, or give in."

"You sound like my old DM, Julie."

"DM?"

"Yeah, Dungeon Master. Called a Game…"

"I know, it's just you had a female DM?"

"Yeah…" I looked at her questioningly.

"You looking for a new group?"

"Yes. I can't seem to find any on campus, though."

"Most of them are run in the frat houses. Yes there are still normal people who go here, but there are a lot of the geeks as well. Look, I am in an all girl group. The only rule is that you have to play a female character, so as long as…"

"How often do you game?"

"Slow down there, sister. I need to introduce you to Carla first."

The prospect of getting into a game, and not being looked down on for playing a female, was really exciting to me. I had to calm my breathing to be able to survive it at all.

"Well, I'm done with my classes for the day," I said to her.

"And so am I. If you don't mind stopping by my room with me, first."

"In a girl's dorm?"

"Look, if I've been talking to you, and seen your chest, and I still think you are a girl, then I doubt any of the others will twig to you. Anyway, there aren't any real rules against it that I'm aware of."

That really didn't make me feel any better about the whole situation, but I was willing to go with it if it would get me into a gaming session anytime in the foreseeable future.

We entered the Sanctum Sanctorum of all womanhood at the campus and I have to say that I was disappointed on some level. In my mind, to a certain degree, I'd built it up as some mystical sort of place, and in the end it was just a place.

How often in our lives is that the case.

I smiled and waved at the girls who gave us greetings. I didn't say much, afraid that somehow my voice, high as it is, would betray me. Maybe choosing that moment to break and shatter the façade.

Sadie had already stripped and changed into a lighter dress before I even realized that she was doing so. I'd just been talking to her, and she to me and she was changed. A little shocked, I sat on her roommates bed.

"Jake?"

"Um, you just changed in front of me."

She blushed, and I still sat there on the bed, staring at the floor.

"See what I mean? I know you're a guy, and it didn't even occur to me…"

"No, that's not it. I didn't even notice. Aren't I supposed to notice? Everything was so normal about it. You changed, we were talking, it was…nothing."

"Well, maybe you like…"

"Not that I've noticed that either. I live in a house full of guys after all."

"Then you're probably just oblivious is all."

I stuck my tongue out at her and she laughed at me. I giggled back. Being around her like this, I didn't mind giggling as much. Sure, it wasn't a manly mannerism as far as those things go, but I didn't really care. It's not like I wanted her to see me as manly. I really wasn't interested in her that way, or like I'd said, in anyone.

Well, I had a lot of schooling to get through, and a lack of libido would help that, right?

Of course it would, or so I kept telling myself.

We left her room and walked out of the building and across the quad. It was a different quad with a different cafeteria than the one I'd gone to, which could help explain why we'd never met before school started.

It could also be that she had just arrived shortly before school had actually started.

We entered the other building, and made are way up to the eighth floor. Unlike the other dorm, this one smelled like women lived here. Not to say that Sadie's dorm smelled like a locker room, just that this one smelled…well…like perfume.

"I like your jacket, you'll have to let me borrow it sometime."

I turned to look at the person behind me on the stairs, and realized my sight line had been a little low. She was tall. I mean really tall. Standing two steps below me, her eyes were level with mine.

"Hey, Jasmine, this is Jake," Sadie didn't look too happy to see the other woman.

"Jake? Is that somehow short for Jacqueline?"

"No, it's short for Jacob."

"You're parents were even more cruel than mine. You have my condolences."

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Sadie said at my elbow.

"No, Sad-ie, I don't." Jasmine didn't pronounce the name like normal, you know, Saydie. She emphasized the sad, and then put a slight pause in there. I put in the hyphen, but I figured I needed to explain a little more.

"Drop it, Ok, Yaz? You almost got all of us killed last week, and I still haven't forgiven you for that. I mean, come on, throwing a fireball spell at a loup-garou who was standing in the middle of a gas station?"

"I was trying to distract him from your tasty little ass."

My mouth dropped open.

"No, she has a donkey that follows her around everywhere. Don't ask."

"Wha…"

"The game, Jake."

"Oh…you guys really get into it, huh."

"Yeah, we try to come 'in costume' as it were. you know, dressed like our characters would. Since it is a modern setting, it is better than wearing cloaks and things," Jasmine said.

"I don't know. Cloaks could be cool."

"You've obviously never worn the 'and things' before. I hate corsets and bodices."

I blushed as I thought about some of the things my characters had worn over the years. I know it's impractical, but my warrior queen had to wear a chainmail bikini on Julie's orders. I'd played it for all it was worth and hated every minute of it. That was only thinking about what my character had worn.

If I'd had to actually wear that…I shook my head to dispel the image.

"I see you've had the same sorts of GMs as we've had in the past."

"Julie was great and all, but she thought she was punishing me by making one of my characters wear a chainmail bikini."

"Ouch. Those are uncomfortable."

Sadie and I looked at Jasmine. I think my eyes might have been bugging out of my head.

"They pinch in all the wrong places."

I blushed bright red, and turned away from her.

"Jake, sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Don't worry about it Jasmine."

"Well, see you at the game, Sadie?"

"You can bet on it. We still have a loup-garou to take down."

Jasmine pushed by us on the stairs and then Sadie and I continued on our mountain climbing expedition.

"So, that doesn't sound like D&D."

"Nope, it's not. That's not a problem is it?"

"No, it's not a problem."

A new system. This could be interesting.

We finished climbing the unending stairs and exited onto the eighth floor.

We knocked on Carla's door, and waited. Then waited. And waited some more. I think I heard a crash, and then a giggle or two. There was a man's voice, and some more crashing sounds. The door opened and Liam tried to push out past me.

"Liam?"

"Jake? What are you doing here?"

"Hi, Liam. Jake's here to talk to Carla about getting into the game."

"Hello, Sadie, didn't see you there. When are you going to stop by our place? I don't think Jake here would mind seeing you again."

"It's not like…" I began.

"Wait, Jake lives…" Sadie started at the same time.

Liam, and the elusive Carla both began to laugh.

"So, how did you guys get the school to allow a girl to stay in your house."

"Girl? Jake's a guy, Carla, promise."

"Wait…"

"Yeah, Carla, Jacob is a boy."

"Could have fooled me, and I usually have an eye for those things."

"Sure you're not just saying that, Carla," Liam replied.

"Hush, you, or our athletics sessions will have to cease."

"You wouldn't do that to yourself, would you really?"

"Of course not. I love you too much for that. No, I just like to threaten is all."

"I've got to run," Liam said with a laugh, "you ladies behave yourselves now, won't you?"

I punched him in the arm as he made his way out of the room. Carla and Sadie laughed at me and it wasn't long before I joined in.

"Are you sure you're not a girl, Jake?"

"I'm sure. Need me to strip to prove it?"

Carla got a gleam in her eye, but Sadie interrupted her before Carla could respond.

"He's male, Carla. Down girl."

"Sorry, you know I only have eyes for Liam."

"This week, sure. You move too fast, girl."

"So, Jake, what can I do for you."

"Jake would like to join in our game."

"What, really?" Carla stared at Sadie for a moment, "you know you'd be playing a girl, and have to come dressed, well, in costume?"

"I didn't know the in costume part when Sadie initially broached the idea, but it doesn't seem like a problem. I mean, what I'm wearing now has everyone confused."

Carla giggled at that and smiled.

"You have a point there, Jake. You know, Jake really doesn't seem like it fits you."

"Blame my mom. It's my name."

"You should have a more gender ambiguous name. Really. It would be more funny. You know, like if your name was Jodie, or Kelly, or Sam even."

"Sam is gender ambiguous?"

"You didn't watch 'Who's the Boss' reruns did you? Stargate SG-1 maybe?"

"I'll take your word for it."

"How can you be here and never watch Stargate?" Sadie asked me.

"I prefer fantasy, usually, to science fiction."

"Well, all of the girls in the group are playing characters with the same name as they have. Well, close to it. I like the feel it gives the game."

"You just like the blurring of sureality with reality after you've had a couple of beers."

"Guilty. It's just that Jake really won't do."

"Can't I just pick another name?"

"you could, but then what meaning would the name really have to you."

"Then call me Jackie. Stan already does that, but usually adds a boy to the end of it."

"Stan?"

"My boss."

"you have a job? Already?"

"I'm in antiques. Well, sort of. More I'm kind of in reclamation."

"You're a garbage man?"

"No, but it feels that way sometimes. We place bids at blind auctions for items left behind by people in storage lockers."

"You can make money doing that?" Sadie asked.

"A total of five thousand in the last two weekends."

"This won't interfere with playing Saturday night will it?"

"No, I'm usually done by eleven. Or at least I have been the last two weeks."

"Ok, then, Jackie, welcome to the game. Any preference on what type of character you play?"

"I don't really…"

"He isn't familiar with the world, Carla. I've told him nothing."

"Yeah, all I caught was that there was magic, and a werewolf and a donkey."

Carla laughed at this, and I smiled.

"Ok, let's introduce you a bit to the Dresdenverse."

I'm sure that most of you don't really care about the particulars of what we went over, and the rest of you can go pick up a copy of either the Dresden Files source book or one of the novels.

Short version is that we would be playing with magic, vampires, were wolves, and ghosts in a modern setting. I was hooked.

I couldn't wait 'til Saturday for my first session with the girls, and hoped that it would be as fun as it seemed.

I made my way home after a couple of hours with Carla and Sadie and found Liam lounging on the couch.

"Hey, Jake. Dude. You know that's the most exclusive RP group on campus, right?"

"Really? They seem fine with me joining."

"Yeah, well, they would."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means. You're kinda girly. They only let girls join."

"Don't tell me they turned you down?"

"Ok, yeah. They did. I couldn't handle playing a girl, let alone the fact I would have to come dressed as one."

"You're a wimp, you know that, Liam."

"Look who's talking," Seth said from the doorway.

I giggled and then covered my mouth and blushed.

They laughed at me, and I simply smiled. They were good guys over all.

"So, how is Liam a wimp now?"

"Jake has been allowed to play with the Game Grrlz."

"What!? You're joking, right?"

"Has everyone heard of this group except for me?"

"Jake, the Game Grrlz are, well, they're all girls. All of them. How did you…"

"By being himself, apparently."

"Yeah, I met Sadie in my math class."

"Dayum. You might be the undoing of a three year institution here."

"What are you talking about?"

"Carla has been running the group for the past three years, ever since she first came here. There hasn't been a man allowed in the group to date. Well, until you."

"Why not?"

"Because of all the fraternity gaming groups…well the two frat gaming groups if you want to be specific. They are male only. It takes poling the entire female population to get the three current player that are in the group."

"We had three girls in my group at home in rural Colorado. Our DM was female."

"See, you have no understanding. There just aren't that many girl gamers, dude." Liam said.

I figured he had to be wrong, but I was in no position to really argue.

"Look, guys, I have to play a girl, and dress as a girl to get into the game. How is that changing anything?"

"He's got a point."

"Of course he does."

I snorted at them, and that set them laughing for some reason.

I went into my room and hung my jacket up on the inside of the door. It didn't make me feel any different to have it off. I couldn't help but smile at it hanging there for some reason. I was happy that I'd worn it, even with all the confusion it had caused.

The rest of the week when perfectly smoothly. I talked to Sadie a couple of more times when my class with her rolled around again, and then it was Saturday morning and I was out at today's storage lot.

One of the units struck me as a little interesting. There was no name on the lease and after the initial payment, there had been no payment after that. It could be nothing, but it costs less to pay to have your trash hauled away, than to put it in a locker like this. The storage company was out five hundred dollars for the unit, as it was one of their more expensive ones, and I doubted that anyone else would be likely to bid for it.

I was wrong on that.

Everyone else seemed to be as intrigued as I did.

"Jackie-boy, let one of them have it."

"No, Stan. I've got a good feeling on this, Seven thousand."

"Eight,"

"Nine."

"Fifteen thousand," I said trying to shock people out of continuing.

"Twenty!"

Shit, I wanted to win this now. My hear was pounding. My palms were sweating. There was a thrill to the unknown.

"Twenty-one."

"Twenty-two."

I'd never seen a bit go this high before. I let it run on its own for a bit.

I'd thought to bring fifty thousand with me today. I wanted to bid for at least two lots, and have money just in case.

"Going for thirty-seven thousand…"

"Forty."

Right at the last minute, I'd made my plea. It was unheard of for a lot with this little payment history to go for such a price. I hoped that I was right.

"Sold for Forty thousand dollars."

Stan was shaking his head sadly at me, but I just smiled up at the guy.

"I feel good about this one, Stan. Really good."

"More than forty thousand good?"

Everything started to fade out. I'd just spent half of the money that I'd saved for school on a single lot.

Stan helped me to the ground after putting his lock on the door.

"Shit, I was too late."

"Edgar?"

"Yeah, I wanted to bid on this. I knew the former owner. He's been promising me a piece of this collection for years. Apparently he died intestate. No will."

"What are you saying?"

"Open it up and I'll tell you what I'm saying."

We opened it up, and it was different than any of the other lockers I'd yet seen. It was a massive fifty by fifty area. Inside, on dark wood shelves with specialized lighting, there was row after row of red glassware. Each piece had a provenance sheet behind it.

"So it's red glass."

Stan snorted at me, and Edgar just smiled.

"No, Jackie, this is Ruby Gold or Cranberry glass. Depends on where it was made, really, but the cause is the same. That is made with gold. And the really old pieces in here, we'll they're almost priceless."

"What are we talking?"

"Well, to the right investor, we're looking at between a hundred and two hundred thousand dollars."

"For glass?"

"No, for sets. Original sets. A lot of these sets will go for one to five thousand at auction. A little less in my shop. Consider that we have full complements? Dishes, glasses, bowls…some of those would got for a lot more."

"But a hundred thousand?"

"Jackie-boy," Stan said, "There are more than a hundred sets, not pieces, sets, in here."

After the cost of the unit Stan and I would be splitting at least sixty thousand dollars. I'd almost doubled what I'd put into the locker in the first place.

"The kid's better than you, Stan."

"The kid's lucky."

"Come on, Stan. You know it was more than luck."

"No, it wasn't. You better be careful, Jackie. I want no part in you destroying your life with reckless gambles."

I watched Stan walk away, leaving me there with Edgar. The victory of a moment before seemed hollow. I liked Stan, even if I'd only known him for a couple of weeks.

"So, looks like I'm just dealing with you now."

"Yeah. What do I do?"

"Well, usually, with Stan, I offered him sixty percent of the sale price of the goods."

"Edgar. You know that this is worth more than Stan ever brought you."

"And you are a new player to the game."

"Tell you what, Edgar, you charge me a flat fee for everything over fifty thousand that I bring you. Say twenty five thousand. I'm risking my own money on these auctions, and you are putting nothing up. Below fifty, we go with a fifty percent split. Usually I'll be putting up a lot less of my money for those."

"Wait, you want to offer me a better deal on everything I sell less than fifty thousand dollars?"

"It's incentive, Edgar. I know you want to get the best price you can on most goods, and if you cheat me on the higher priced ones, I leave."

"Sounds fair to me. So, I get twenty-five thousand off the proceeds of selling all of these items, or we go with lots of smaller units…"

"You sell them in the largest sets they fit into, and we go from there."

"Ok, but I want to tell you that I will not charge a fee on anything I buy personally."

"What do you mean?"

"I wanted this collection for myself, Jackie."

"Ok…"

"I want to offer you a hundred and twenty for the lot."

"I would have taken a hundred. Sold, Edgar."

"Pleasure doing business with you, young man."

Between my scores for the last two weeks, and today, I'd made a profit of eighty five thousand dollars. That was almost a third of the way to my goal. Then I could focus on school to the exclusion of everything else.

I went home and showered, and then put away my money. I really needed to find a better place to keep it. Maybe I'd get a bank account.

Then it was football in the park with my roommates. One girl and a lot of guys. I even made a touchdown, but we ended up losing this time.

I went back home, took another shower, and then I had to decide what I would be wearing tonight. I knew the jacket would be part of it, but for the rest?

I had nothing fancy, and all of my clothing was distinctly male.

And it was beginning to hang off me. I'd lost close to five pounds in the last three weeks and I was down to 112. Skin and bones comes to mind. I just hoped I wouldn't lose much more weight, since I didn't think I had much more I could safely loose.

What was lost…
copyright 2011 Faeriemage
Treasure is in the eye of the beholder, and no this isn't a D&D reference.

---

AUTHOR'S NOTE: First session. Hope I didn't get too wrapped around the mechanics :)

---

Not that I'd consider doing such a stupid thing on my own, but the girls had convinced me to go down a dark alley, on my own, at night.

The full moon shone everywhere but in the artificial canyon in which I walked. I could see the silver light shining from the building on my right, at least from the very top of it. The stars were obscured by the light pollution from the rest of the city.

I hugged my chest and was glad for my Jacket as tonight was colder than I'd expected it to be. My breath came out in plumes of frost, and the snot froze in my nostrils and I breathed in.

Ok, so that's a detail that you didn't really need to know. Suffice it to say that it was cold. Really cold.

My jacket blended into the darkness around me even better than I'd assumed it would.

I heard a giggle from up ahead and assumed that it was either Sadie or Yaz. One of the two. I hadn't caught the other girl's name before we ventured out into the cold.

A shadow, somehow deeper than those surrounding it detached itself and started moving toward me. There was a gutteral growl issuing from its throat.

"A werewolf? Really?" I called out to the darkness. Not that I really expected an answer. We were hunting Loup-Garou after all.

I drew my mother's silver sword from its sheath and brandished it at the beast. They'd expected me to simply stand here and act like bait, but I didn't see myself doing that. I had a proud tradition to uphold, and that meant standing my ground and…

A voice from another world spoke to me in that moment, Aren't you thinking right now that you can Survive with your Mother's Help?

"Ok, I think I understand a little better what I meant. It was more a case of, Mother doesn't Understand Me Cause I'm Mortal."

The loup-garou stood there and cocked it's head at me.

"Sorry, Shaggy, Talking to the GM really quick. Hold a moment."

He slumped to the ground and humphed at me.

Did you just call the loup-garou, Shaggy?

"I figured it works for me. I grew up using my quick wits to keep me out of trouble. You know, A whole Can of Snark sort of thing."

I like that. Anyway, back to your Mother.

"This isn't a therapy thing is it?"

Jackie…

"Got it. Thou shalt not snark the GM. Mother is an immortal member of the Seelie court. While she understands fae children, I doubt she ever really understood mortal children. Like you said, this was all done as a sort of fling with my father."

Go on.

"She does her best, but I simply feel misunderstood. When she first retrieved me as a teenager it was a lot worse than it is now. I tolerate her now, but I couldn't stand being anywhere around her as a teen."

So, you Walked the Nevernever as a teen?

"That aspect of my young adult life shaped me, I guess you could say."

Ok, I like it. So, the sword. Item of Power, or just a silver sword?

I thought about it for a moment, and then shrugged, "Why not. I think I could use an item of power right about now."

Not that type of power. It is actually linked to what your mother is. I'll tell you more about it later, but the simple answer is that it allows you control over your mother's home in the Nevernever, and you can open a gateway to the Nevernever anywhere, anytime, and take other people with you.

Great, I had the subtle knife. I wish people would be more creative about these things.

I brandished my sword, preparing to take the villain's charge.

Have you practiced using the sword as a Weapon?

"Um…not as much as I would have hoped right about now."

So you're mediocre at it, average, good?

"Oh, I wish I were good. No, just about average. Like I said, I didn't…"

Before I could finish, the loup-garou leapt to his feet and was charging toward me.

"Luck don't Fail Me Now!"

Is that another declaration?

"I'll take anything I can get."

I put my sword in front of me, hoping that I wouldn't die. At the last moment I twitched my sword to the side and it pierced the monster just above the heart.

I looked down at the beast in shock. I'd wanted to wound it, not kill it. I pulled out my sword, and it twitched. It wasn't dead yet.

"Damn, girl, you don't do things by half measures, do you."

"Isn't there something you can do, Yaz?"

"Wish I could. I'm a Wizard, not a faith healer."

"Ha ha ha, Deforest Kelley."

"Who?"

"Doctor McCoy?"

"You lost me."

"You guys have all watched Stargate, but you never watched the quintessential sci-fi show of the twentieth century?"

Yaz looked blankly at me, but Sadie began laughing.

Yaz glared at her.

"Star Trek, Yaz."

The fourth member of our group came loping around the corner and shifted back into her human form. She was naked since she hadn't thought to bring a change of clothing, again. I think she just liked being out in public nude.

"You killed him." Katie yelled at me.

"Keep her out of my way, for a moment, Yaz. I think that my mother's magic might just help me more than yours at this moment."

"You mother's…"

"Summer Court. Life, Rampant Growth, Life."

I'll allow it. Superior lore?

"Um, don't I need medical knowledge to heal him, or can I do it some magical way."

you're right. So, Medical Doctor, twice, what…

"Superior. And Lore superior as well."

Got it. Going to give you Healer as part of your lore as well.

I inscribed a circle around the beast using the point of my sword. I could smell fresh cut grass and summer days as I pushed will into the circle closing it with myself inside. I put my hands around the wound and pushed my senses inside. I had cut through the pericardial membrane and nicked the heart. He was bleeding internally. I closed up the larger wounds and generally closed the opening, cleansing bacteria as I went.

I was done, and the wound was closed.

I sagged down, tired beyond belief, but he would live. Sometimes it pays to remember that not everyone who attacks you is really a monster. Inside, most of us are still human.

Sadie began laughing as I finished my internal monologue, and Katie just smiled. I kept my eyes on hers when I looked in her direction. She actually stripped when she transformed her character into wolf form. Yeah, she took the whole in costume thing seriously.

She began to get dressed, and Yaz glared at me.

"A little munchkin are we?"

"What?"

"You were so the center of attention today, Jackie. Perfect in every way."

"Jasmine, that's not fair to Jake. He is focused in his character. This will help you all in the future, and adds some interesting facets to the character. She won't be able to do much beyond blindly waving her sword, and healing you the next time that you screw up and throw a fireball into a gas station…"

Jasmine interrupted Carla, "It wasn't going to kill him."

"But it almost killed both you and Sadie."

"Whatever, I'm out of here."

"Wait for me, Yaz," Katie said. She smiled at me again, and blew me an air kiss.

"Don't worry about it, Jake," Sadie said.

"Don't worry about the fact that Katie did a strip tease three times this evening?"

Carla and Sadie laughed, and I giggled.

"She almost seemed put out that you wouldn't react."

"I'm just not…sexually interested in her. Well, in any of you. Well, in anyone."

"We know, Jake. You keep saying it, though, and it chips away at my self esteem."

I walked over and gave her a hug.

"Sadie, you're a beautiful woman, and some guy out there will notice, eventually."

She kissed me on the cheek. "Thanks for that, Jake."

She walked out of the room, following in the wake of Jasmine and Katie.

"Jake, Sadie thinks she's a lesbian."

"Huh?"

"She has convinced herself that she is attracted to women. I don't buy it personally, but I'm not going to call her on it."

"Wait…"

"She figures that you're her only chance at a 'normal' relationship."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"To let you know what's going on there. Personally, I've seen how she reacts when two women kiss. Disgust is more her emotion. That and she doesn't even react at all when Katie strips. She was watching you, and not Katie."

"I'll go after her," I rushed out the door, and grabbed Sadie's arm.

"Look, Sadie, I didn't mean to insult you."

"No, it's not an insult. I understand that your heart was in the right place."

I put my arm around her and we walked across the campus. It was nice, but that's about all. We got to my house.

"Look, Sadie, I know this campus is supposed to be safe, but…why don't you stay here tonight. There's a nice sofa I can sleep on and you can have my room."

"No, I'll take the sofa. I know the guys here and trust most of them."

I giggled at her and we went inside. It was two in the morning, and everyone else was asleep. I got some extra sheets and blankets for her, and made up the couch for her.

"Night, Sadie."

"Night, Jackie."

I stuck my tongue out at her and went into my room.

The sound of voices woke me a few hours later. I quietly slipped out into the lounge.

Seth and Sadie were sitting next to each other on the couch. She put her head on his shoulder and sighed.

I walked up behind them and in a normal voice said, "Good morning."

They jumped and Sadie tried to move away, but Seth put his arm around her.

"Sadie, relax. I have nothing to hide from anyone."

She giggled nervously and sat back down next to him. I walked around to an arm chair and sat down.

"So how long have the two of you…"

"I've been chasing her since high school."

"Wait, you two went to high school together. The odds…"

"Yeah, we were in the same clubs."

"He kissed me awake this morning."

"Seth!" I said shocked.

"I couldn't help it. I've wanted to kiss her forever, and it always seemed like the wrong moment."

"Lucky she didn't punch you."

"Oh, she punched me, and then kissed me back."

"You two are crazy, you know that, right?"

The laughed and I joined them a moment latter.

Slowly the rest of the house woke up, and we just hung out. Carla came by a little later.

"You ready to go, Liam?" she asked.

"Hey, Carla." Sadie said. She was still wrapped up in one of Seth's arms and simply beaming at the world.

"Finally. you know how often I've tried to set the two of you up together?"

Sadie blushed and Seth laughed.

"Yeah, apparently I had to be a little more forward to win fair lady's affections."

She blushed even hotter. The rest of us laughed.

Seth got the job of walking her home. They left at the same time as Carla and Liam.

"Hey, Jake. You up for some head to head?"

"What are you talking about, Brad?"

"Kelly picked up a PS3 and Sackboy."

"Sackboy? Oh you mean little big planet."

"Yeah."

"You know that game is more cooperative than head to head, right?"

"Yeah, but I thought that it could be fun."

We played for a couple of hours before Kelly and Aaron joined us. It was insane playing on a single screen with the four of us jumping and swinging all over the place. You had to have a sort of zen attitude on death, because you did it a lot.

Of course the expressions on the little sack people was priceless when they died. They looked out at you as if you'd betrayed everything they stood for.

We whiled away the rest of the day on that, and then Monday rolled around. Back to class, and living through the next day.

The first day of October was warmer than a lot of September had been, so I got to leave my jacket at home. I figured that this would be a good day to open an account.

I headed into town, with no idea of where I would be going. I wandered around, thinking it would be simple to just find a bank. Ok, so the entire concept was a little naíve. I'd never had a bank account before.

Eventually I stopped and asked for directions, and then found my way into a local bank.

"How may I help you, Miss?" the woman at the desk asked. The nameplate on said desk told me that she was Wendy Wallace, Accounts Manager.

"Actually, it's mister."

"So sorry. you just seemed too…coordinated. I don't usually see that in the men who come in here."

"Don't worry about it. A lot of people think I'm female for some reason. So, I'd like to open up an account here. I figure that keeping my money in my room isn't at all safe."

"How much are we talking here?"

"A hundred and thirty five thousand dollars."

She choked.

"Really?"

I smiled, "Yes, really. It's my college fund, as well as the money I've made through work."

"Very nice. So, are you thinking a savings account, checking account…"

"I need to access between ten and thirty thousand dollars each week for work, but other than that, I just need somewhere to store my money."

"Cash?"

"Probably the best in cash. I could possibly write a check? Never done it before though."

"Ok, we'll go with a checking account and put in forty thousand. The rest we'll put in a savings account for you."

"And if I need to do things with my money, I can just come in here?"

"Yes."

I didn't know how secure I felt about my money being in a bank, but I felt better than I did with it sitting in my room.

On Saturday it was back to work. I was confident in my abilities, or maybe my luck. Nothing on the list caught my eye so I randomly bid on just about everything.

"Going for three thousand…sold to the girl in the front."

It was chilly and I was wearing my Jacket, so I couldn't really complain this time.

I paid with my first check, numbered 100 for some reason. The locker was filled with items of sentimental value and not intrinsic.

There was a coat in there in my size, and I brought it home with me. It cost me another five hundred dollars to get the furniture hauled away. It was the cheep pressboard stuff. The clothing there only got me about a hundred dollars. All in all I was out thirty four hundred dollars for the day.

I was sitting there in the empty locker, the white down coat across my knees wondering what had happened.

"Hey, Jackie-boy. Lost a wad, I hear."

"thirty-four hundred, Stan. I knew there was nothing here. Nothing really struck me as a good bid. I was playing around."

"This is what I was trying to tell you, kid."

"Apparently this is not the road to riches I thought it would be at the beginning."

"If you're good, lucky, and patient, it will take care of your needs, Jackie."

"And don't bid unless something catches my eye?"

"Mostly I was going to say don't bid for the fun of it, but that works too."

"The old man helped me to my feet, and I brushed myself off."

"Not sure if that coat fits you, Jackie-boy

"It fits…"

"I meant that it's a very masculine coat. You may be a boy, but you aren't very masculine."

"It's white."

"It's off white. Still, the cut doesn't fit you."

"How can you tell?"

"Put it on."

I did, and I could tell what he meant. The shoulders were all wrong. The sleeves were a little long. The length and everything else seemed to almost work. It would probably fit better if I wore the jacket inside it.

"Well, you take it then."

"No, Jackie. Keep it as a reminder. Sometimes it pays to be patient."

I looked around one last time to make sure that I hadn't left anything behind and then I made my way home.

Next week I'd have another opportunity to try to do this thing better.

I made my way home, changed, and waited for the rest of the guys to show up for the game. I didn't really pay attention to the score this week and I had a lot more fun.

What was lost…
copyright 2011 Faeriemage
Treasure is in the eye of the beholder, and no this isn't a D&D reference.

---

I had the rest of my clothing on, but the last piece didn't seem to want to choose me. It wanted me to choose it.

Each one, in some way, didn't fit me quite perfectly. The one was broader in the shoulders than I was. The other was bigger in the bust than I was.

Yes, I'm talking about my down coat and my leather jacket. Sure, the jacket fit my persona for the game better, but the coat…well the coat was masculine and I might be trying to tell everyone that I really was a guy.

Might be.

I was a little confused on that.

More and more I was asking myself who I was really. And more and more I was wondering if it really mattered on anything more than a personal descriptive basis.

There was a knock on the door as I sat there dithering.

"Hey, we're heading out. Will you be ok heading to the game on your own?"

"Hi, Brad. I should be fine."

"It's late, you know."

"Brad, I am not powerless, you know. I mean, regardless of what everyone else thinks, I am a guy. I really am."

"Sorry I brought it up."

I was pissed at him. I grabbed my jacket and left. How dare he think of me as helpless? I wasn't some weak girl in need of his, or anyone else's help to get from one side of the street to the other. I've been crossing streets for years without his help and this wouldn't be the last time I did so.

I was fuming. My hair was beginning to piss me off. It was covering my ears, something I'd never let it do in the past, but then again it cost money to get haircuts, and I didn't really want to spend that money right now.

I wrapped my arms around my chest to try to keep some of the heat in. It collapsed the chest and removed the air pocket where the cold air could invade my little sanctuary.

The moon was a sliver past full and it shone its silvery light on the deserted campus. I had traversed most of it when a couple of shadows detached themselves from the building I was passing.

"Looks like someone is lost. Are you lost little girl."

"Are you a moron?"

"What?"

"I am not a girl."

"Sure look like one, what do you think, buddy?"

"She looks all girl to me. Let's try her on for size."

I didn't wait for them to finish their statements. I ran. Right past them. They were so shocked to see me running toward them that they actually jumped out of the way. Thank god for amateur criminals. Professionals would likely have grabbed me as I went by.

I heard them shout something at me and then there was the pounding of feet in the darkness behind me. I only hoped that I was fast enough to keep ahead of them until I reached the dorm.

Time seemed to stand still. My lungs burned from the cold, and the thud, thud, thud of my feet on the pavement jarred my knees. I could feel hot tears on my cheeks and wondered why I was crying. Nothing really made sense to me, nothing mattered, except for getting to that lit doorway.

Fifty feet. Twenty Feet. Ten feet. I allowed myself a smile as my hand closed around the handle, and then rough hands grabbed me from behind.

"Help me! Somebody! Please!"

"Shut up, bitch," one of the two said and I felt a blow to my head. My ears rang and darkness threatened to engulf me until the cold air on my lower body cleared the haze.

I began thrashing around then. I didn't want…whatever this was to continue. I had to get free.

"What's going on in there?"

"Nothing, officer, just a little prank."

"Help! They're trying to rape me!"

"Step away from the girl."

I was dropped onto the cold grass, and sobbing I pulled up my pants. I huddled myself into a ball as small as I possibly could and just sat there. This was impossible. This couldn't have happened to me. I was invincible.

I was male.

I moaned softly to myself, mourning the tatters of my dignity. I flinched away from the officer when he touched me on my shoulder.

"Miss, we need to get you checked out by the doctor."

"They never…they didn't…"

"Still, miss. Can you come with me?"

"Jake?!"

Sadie rushed up to me and I collapsed in her arms.

"Shh, sweetie. Shh. It's ok. You're safe now."

She conducted a conversation over my head with the officer and then I was being lead into the back of an ambulance. She held my hand the entire way.

"The doctor needs to check you out for damage, Jake."

I nodded and someone took off my pants and underwear for me. There was an intake of breath.

"He's a boy?"

"Yeah," Sadie said, "Seems that no one really believes him, though."

"Hmm. How old is he?"

"You're eighteen, aren't you Jake?"

"Yeah." I said noncommittally.

"What's wrong, doctor?"

"I'd prefer to talk to him privately if you don't mind."

Sadie began to rise and I just held onto her. I didn't want to be alone right now.

"Don't leave me."

"Ok, Jake. I'll stay here."

"Jake, I'd like to run a couple of tests, is that alright?"

"They've already run tons of test, doctor. They even ran an MRI and Sonogram, well in the other order."

"Well, I would be running other tests. I don't think you are intersexed, or whatever they want us to call it these days. I think there is something wrong with your endocrine system, specifically with your testes."

"There's something wrong with my balls?"

"Well, that's the crass way to put it."

"Ok, is there something I need to sign?"

"No, but it will hurt."

I held onto Sadie as the doctor inserted a needle into my scrotum. It didn't hurt as much as I expected it to. That's not to say that it didn't hurt.

"Let me take this into the lab sand then I'll be back to finish my exam."

I waited there, holding onto Sadie, just crying. It wasn't fair, but then life rarely was.

"Hey, why are you letting this affect you, Jake. You're the big strong guy, aren't you?"

"How would you react to almost getting raped?"

"Well…ok. I didn't think about it that way. That must have been worse for you, though, because you think of yourself as a guy."

"No, it's worse for me because I'm stupid. Brad offered to take me across campus and I threw it in his face. I knew that there were rumors of stuff like this happening, but for whatever reason I thought, 'this doesn't affect me. I'm a guy.' Pretty stupid, huh?"

"I think it's very human," the doctor said as she came back in.

"In the recent months, I've had a number of girls in here thinking this wouldn't happen to them for whatever reason."

"But no other guys."

"No, I've had no other guys."

"So, what was with the needle?"

"I was taking tissue samples. I'm having the lab look them other in the microscope. I doubt that it is ovum material, but I'm equally sure it's not testicular material either."

"You think it could be…" Sadie began.

"No, I don't. His testes might be overly small, but I doubt that. It would require other physiological differences, and he just isn't developing in that way."

The doctor finished her exam, and Sadie and I sat there waiting for the results after I got dressed.

They moved us out of the exam room after about ten minutes, and we ended up waiting in the eponymous room while they finished all of the tests.

"Are you feeling better, Jake?"

My trembling had eased and I was simply leaning against her, not grasping her like she was my one salvation.

I nodded into her shoulder.

"Jacob Peters?"

We followed the nurse back to a small office where the doctor was sitting waiting for us.

"Would you still like her to be here? This is private information I will be sharing."

Sadie got up to leave, and for a moment I thought about asking her to stay, but it was only a moment.

"I'll be in the waiting room."

"Thank you."

"Mr. Peters. I'm not sure if you got my name earlier. I'm Dr. Conrad."

"It is so weird thinking of a female doctor with a male sounding name."

"Tell me about it. I have seriously considered changing my name. The only thing that keeps me with it is the continual hope that someone will marry me and change it for me."

I giggled at this.

"I am still waiting on the results of your karyotype test, but you don't have male reproductive organs."

"What…?"

"Your testes are fibrous, or at least the portions I tested are. There doesn't seem to be any banding…"

"Wait. What does all of this mean?"

"It means that at least physically, you are missing some of the important bits to be male. I'll want you to see an endocrinologist to check your hormone levels, but it is likely that you are producing very little, if at all, of any of the sex hormones."

"You mentioned something about a carry-type test?"

"Karyotype. It is a check of your chromosomes. It will tell us if you are genetically male or female."

I passed out.

"Jake, honey. Wake up."

"Sadie?"

"Welcome back, Jackie."

I gave her a sour smile, and the doctor looked at us questioningly.

"A nickname the girls in my gaming group gave me."

"Ah. So, I would like you back here to talk to the endocrinologist on Tuesday if that's alright?"

"It should be. What time?"

"Sometime after two should be fine. His schedule is clear on Tuesday after two. He likes to go golfing then, but he'll make an exception for me."

I giggled at this, and Sadie joined in.

"I didn't think that doctors really spent all their time going golfing," I said.

"Just Jim…I mean Dr. Childs."

She blushed, but I let it pass. It wasn't my place to tease this woman that I didn't know.

"Good night, Dr. Conrad, unless there's something else you need Jake for?"

"No, here, Jake. This card has the doctor's name, as well as the time for your appointment."

"Thank you, Doctor."

Dr. Beverly Conrad's card had her name and phone number on the front. She'd written my appointment date and time with Dr. James Childs on the back, with his office phone number as well.

I walked out of the room and collected Sadie.

"So?"

"Well, apparently she doesn't know if I'm male or female either." I'd meant it as a joke, but I was a little bitter about it.

"Really?"

Sadie didn't get the joke either.

"Yeah, apparently my testicles are fibrous, which apparently means they aren't really testicles."

"Wow."

"Yeah, that's pretty much my own reaction."

"What does it mean for you? I mean…"

"What I think it means first off is I never have to worry about getting a girl pregnant."

Sadie blushed and I giggled.

"Well, with that giggle, I'm not sure that was ever something you needed to worry about in the first place."

I punched her in the arm and she laughed.

"So, we going to the game?"

"Well, um…"

"Sadie, I need to unwind more now than ever. And if I can take some aggression out on some poor hapless monsters in a make believe game…"

"Well, ok, but I told Carla we would likely not be showing up. She understands."

"I really want to go. Please?"

There were those tears in my eyes again. I angrily wiped them away. I wasn't that person.

"Ok, let's go."

"Um, how are we going to get home?"

"Ladies. I would be honored to give you a ride."

An officer stepped over from where he'd been sitting next to the door. He was actual police, as opposed to the campus cop who'd helped me earlier.

"I'm a guy."

"Well…sorry…the offer still stands."

Sadie pushed me, "Jake and I would love a ride back to MIT."

"Jake Peters? You were the one from earlier…?"

"The guy who was almost raped tonight? Yep, that's me. Everyone look at the freak," I'd begun to raise my voice as I went on, and the officer glowered at me.

"That was uncalled for, son. I didn't mean anything by it. I know you've had a rough night of it, and I don't want to make it an worse for you, ok? I was actually here to take your statement. Someone from the front desk told me you'd gone home, and then there was a gunshot victim…regardless. This is my job, and I thought I could at least get something out of it by giving a couple of pretty college students a ride home."

Sadie blushed, but I glowered.

"You don't look like a guy, which I really think contributed to tonight, don't you, Jake?"

"I guess."

"So, if I could get your statement I'll give you la..both a ride home."

I shook my head at him. There was a possibility, it seemed, that he might be right about me being a girl. It was still a foreign concept, but it was something I might be able to get used to.

I gave him my statement, and then we climbed into the cramped back seat of the police car. Unlike on TV, where it seems to just be like a normal sedan backseat, there was almost no room. I was glad I wasn't any taller than I was, as my knees were smashed into the back of the seat in front of me. Well, it would be more accurate to say that they were smashed into the metal shield that separated the seat in front of me from the passenger compartment.

Sadie spent the entire trip chatting the officer up.

We got out and walked into the building and made our way up to Carla's room.

I knocked on the door.

"Jackie! We were so worried!"

I collapsed into Jasmine's arms and just cried. Her statement opened up something inside me, and I spend the next couple of hours, not crafting spells or moving my avatar through a supernatural city, but being comforted by a group of friends.

We told stories about our lives, and I told them who I really was.

Well, Carla and Sadie already knew.

"Jackie, there is no way you're a boy."

"What are you talking about, Yaz. I am male."

"Yes, you're male, well at least physically, but you're no boy."

"What?"

"You are too soft."

"Yeah, I think that's a hormone issue."

"No, I mean mentally. You are a marshmallow."

"Yaz," Sadie exclaimed.

"Well, it's true."

"What do you mean, Yaz," I asked.

"I mean that you are, well, feminine in your mannerisms, and behaviors."

"Oh come on. I walked across campus alone to prove…"

"How independent you are? That is not gender specific. There are girls and guys that act stupid."

I blushed and the others laughed at me. I smiled weakly at them.

"Well, how does me being a marshmallow make me a girl, then, if behaviors aren't gender specific."

Jasmine opened her mouth to respond, and then shut it again.

"Actually, why not put him in drag? I mean look at Alex on the Glee Project. The first time he was in drag, everything made sense. Or should I say she…I mean all of his mannerisms that were so weird when he was presenting as a guy suddenly all made sense."

We all looked at Carla blankly.

"Wait, none of you watched it?"

There was general laughter at this.

"I think I understand what she means, and we don't need to put Jackie in drag to see it," Katie said

I looked at her, the question in my eyes.

"Without any makeup, and only wearing the jacket, Sadie mistook you for a female the first time she met you. Jasmine did the same. People assume you are a female, Jackie. It fits their image of you. From what you've been telling us, you're going to need to take hormones regardless of whether you're a genetic male or not. If that's the case, why not take female ones?"

I cocked my head at her, trying to figure out the joke.

"That's my line, Jackie. I'm the shifter, remember."

I stuck my tongue out at her, and the other's giggled at me. I smiled and joined in.

"Well, I'm not much one for sleepovers, so if we aren't playing, I'm going to bed," Jasmine said.

"I'm heading out too," Katie said.

A cold pit formed in my stomach and I began to sweat.

"Sadie, how about the two of us walk Jackie home, and then you and I can walk back together. It won't strand you at her house tonight."

The fear that had begun to grip me dissipated. It was earlier than it had been last week, but it was still the middle of the night. There really isn't much difference between one and three in the morning on a Sunday.

I had a lot to think about as I walked. I tried to keep up my side of the conversation, but it was obvious to Carla and Sadie that my mind was somewhere else. The lights were all on when we got to my house.

"Jake, thank goodness you're ok. We weren't able to get in touch with you, and the fact that there was another rape on campus."

"Why did you immediately think of me?"

Brad blushed bright red, and Seth came to his rescue, "because apparently you two had a lover's quarrel just before the attack happened.

"I wasn't raped, guys. It was only an attempted rape."

"Are you ok?"

"Who was it?"

"I'm walking you to your game from now on!"

Brad's outburst, the last one, was finished in relative silence. I smiled at him as the other's laughed.

"Brad, I'm and adult…"

"Yeah, like tonight? Take care of yourself? How did that work out?"

"I was going to say I can arrange for my own escort."

I turned on my heel and stormed into my room. Who did he think he was? I was old enough to take care of myself. I didn't need a father figure in my life.

I was mad and scared and I think I screamed a couple of times in frustration. I got undressed and got in bed.

It took hours for me to sleep. I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me that everything would be alright, even thought I was sure in that moment that it never would be.

I stayed in my room until Monday morning. Brad brought me my meals, and I started feeling bad for him. I was being too harsh on him, I think.

I went to class and started to feel a bit more normal. I jumped at everything, but at least I was out there in the midst of the other students.

I finished up my classes on Tuesday and caught a cab over to the hospital. I wasn't feeling up to an hour walk at the moment.

I got out and asked about the doctor at the information desk. I made my way to his office and knocked quietly on the door. I really wasn't feeling up to this today.

"Enter!"

"Dr. Childs," I asked as I opened the door.

"You must be Mr. Peters. You're actually in luck. I've had no labs in the past couple of days, so I think I can get yours expedited. Also, I can check with Dr. Conrad about your karyotype. It should be done today or tomorrow."

"This is so…sudden."

He smiled a pleasant smile at me.

"Well, nothing to worry about there. Dr. Conrad likes to get things going quickly and decisively."

"So, what do we do?"

"I take some blood and then we hang out for a couple of hours. Personally, I'd like you to talk to a therapist in the mean time, but that is completely up to you."

"A therapist?"

"You may have a difficult choice to make. You are physically male, but you might be genetically female. A therapist might make deciding which way you want to go…"

"There are choices? I thought male was male, and female was female."

"Not necessarily. It is a lot more complicated than that, realy."

"Fine, I'll talk to a therapist."

"Don't sound so excited."

This actually caused me to giggle.

"Do you prefer a man or a woman?"

"I prefer a competent one."

"They're both good."

"Whichever one can distract me for the next two hours."

"Fine, you can talk to Harriet."

He lead me down to the psychiatric wing while committing small talk.

"You don't think I'm crazy do you?"

"What? Oh, no. This is just where all of the head cases work."

I smiled at his attempt at a joke.

"Harriet?"

"Huh? Oh, hi Jim."

"You have time to talk to Jake? I spoke yesterday with you about him."

"Sure. Just tell him to come by whenever."

"Um…"

"Jake, this is Harriet."

She blushed, "I'm so sorry. I thought you were…"

"A girl. I get that a lot."

Dr. Childs left and I was alone with Harriet.

"So, tell me a bit about yourself."

"I am going to MIT. I play role-playing games. I love my mother."

Harriet laughed at this last bit.

"I'm not a psychoanalyst, Jake. I'm not going to analyze whether or not you established the proper sexual queues in your infancy."

"Wha…?"

"Sorry, psychologist joke. So, physically male?"

"Yep."

"So, what gender are you?"

"Wait, didn't you just say…"

"That is your sex, Jake. Who you physically are. I was asking who you are mentally. In these games of yours. Do you tend to play girls or guys?"

I blushed and couldn't answer.

"That wasn't a trick question, Jake. There are men who play female roles. It is not because they are female. There are women who play male roles for the same reason. They don't identify with their characters. They like to watch them, in cases of video games, or they like the attention of the non-player characters. They might even enjoy the sexuality of it."

I blushed even hotter.

"Is that…"

"No, it's just that I'm not used to people talking about sex so casually."

"Ah. Sheltered youth?"

"Something like that."

"That's normal for some people as well. So, I take it from your response that you play female characters?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

I stopped and thought about it for a minute or two. "It's always been easier than playing a guy."

"How so?"

"Well…it…fits? No that's not exactly right. I wore really masculine clothing in high school. I tried out for the football team and the baseball team. Didn't make it, but I at least made it past the first cut. I was always trying so hard to fit their idea of who I was. When I played my games, it was a case of relaxing. I could try out the waters. See how I felt about it. I acted like myself and my character happened to be female. Wait, you don't think…"

"Let's not get ahead of yourself here. I'm trying not to make any specific determinations yet."

"Why does everyone think I'm female?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Sure, I have a girl's leather jacket, but even before that they either thought I was gay or just a girl. Since I got the jacket, everyone assumes I'm female."

"Why did you get a girl's jacket?"

"From my job. I buy storage facilities at auction. There was a jacket in one so I decided to keep it for myself instead of selling it to the second hand shop. I needed a coat anyway."

"Well, it's quite pretty on you."

I blushed and said, "Thanks."

She got a thoughtful look on her face.

"You don't mind being called pretty?"

"No. I know what you mean. I look good. Because I look feminine, you say pretty as opposed to handsome."

"Actually, I called you pretty because you look pretty. Better than half the anorexic models I get in here after they collapse at a photo shoot."

I really blushed at that, but I was smiling at the same time.

"That pleases you?"

"You're just trying to trick me now," I said with a scowl.

"No, Jake. I'm not. I'm testing the waters. Saying what I feel and seeing how you react."

I mulled this over. "So, do you think I act like a girl? My friends do."

"Well, the real issue is do you feel like you're a girl? If you feel like a boy, then we can help you. If you feel like a girl, we can help you too. it all depends on what you want."

"I don't know. I just want to be myself, I think."

"Well, that is all any of us can ask for."

We just started talking, then. Not about anything specific, but more about nothing at all. Before I knew it Dr. Childs was knocking on the door.

"We're about done here, Jim."

"Thanks, Harriet."

"What's the news?"

"Well, the obvious part is that you have almost no androgens or estrogens in your system. No male or female hormones. It was the karyotype that took the time. They finally got that to me, and you are male, at least genetically."

"Well, I guess that answers that," I said frowning.

"What's wrong, Jake," Harriet asked.

"I'm male. Guess that means I need testosterone shots or something."

"You want that?"

I thought about it for a moment. There was a flutter of hope in my chest, which I quickly thrust down. "I guess…"

"Jim, would there be any problem with us giving it a week?"

"No. He's made it this far without any serious complications. I think we can go another week without too much difficulty."

"Ok, Jake. Think about it this week. I'll see you again this time next Tuesday. We need to give you one or the other, and at this point, since there are no other concerns, I'll leave that choice up to you."

"A choice?"

"Male or female hormones, Jake."

I was in a daze as I walked out of the hospital and caught another cab. Did they just give me the choice I think they did?

What was lost…
copyright 2011 Faeriemage
Treasure is in the eye of the beholder, and no this isn't a D&D reference.

---

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sections of this chapter will be familiar to anyone who's read my story 'Misplaced.' Yes, this story is a rewrite/expansion on that one.

---

Have you ever had one of those moments when you realize what exactly everyone has been saying all along?

I think it's called epiphany.

That one word, in my opinion is under used in the English language. It's like serendipity, only a lot more personal. When all of the scattered conversations and individual glimpses into the divine come together into a glorious whole, that is epiphany.

And no, Tuesday wasn't that day for me.

The rest of my week was a blur. I was doing well in school, but then again I expected to. I wasn't stupid by any stretch of the imagination, and I only scheduled work and play on the weekend for a reason. The rest of the week bowed down at the pedagogical throne.

Friday I had something new to worry about. I was down to 105 pounds. I looked at myself in the mirror that evening after classes, naked of course, and tried to see what everyone else saw. I just saw skin and bones. Ok, I wasn't quite that bad, but I had a very waifish appearance.

I'd only been here for a few weeks and already I was down to a sliver over one hundred pounds.

I put it out of my head as I got ready for bed that evening, but it was something that bothered me. I really needed a big score tomorrow so that I could feel confident in getting myself some real food. Apparently what I was currently eating just wasn't enough for me.

I was back at Adamantium Secure Storage the next day.

I rented a truck that day. Something about this morning felt different to me. I was worried about my lack of bulk. The fact that I was about to begin taking hormones of one sort or another flitted through my mind. Visions of who I was about to become plagued me.

I stopped by the manager's office to take a look at the units up for bid, and one caught my eye. It had been rented here for the longest period of any unit, active or not. Fifteen years. Who keeps a storage locker for fifteen years?

"Is that a typo?"

"Nope. It's not. Fifteen years. It was initially rented out by a young man in college. 'Bout a year after that his sister, I think, picked up the lease. She's had it here since then. She occasionally drops off more stuff, but never comes to pick anything up."

What could be in that locker? Fifteen years worth of dropping things off. College age kids wouldn't have had much use for a storage locker, but they'd be in their mid-thirties now. They might have something.

I saw Stan wandering around the lot, and waved to him. The crowd of other bidders was a bit heavier than usual. I noticed a woman who seemed completely out of place here. She didn't look like the rest of the vultures. She seemed unsure and a little determined. She was middling pretty and wore a business suit.

We wandered around the facility until the manager came out to begin auctioning. He started with the jewel.

"So that everyone is on equal footing, I'd like to mention that this unit was actually insured. I'm not going to tell you the amount, since that would be cheating," he said this last with a smile, "but it is insured. Who will start me off at five hundred."

"Five hundred," the woman stated with a smile.

She was starting early, and I had a feeling about her. She was new or she was the former owner of the stuff. That could get ugly when I won, and I planned on winning.

"One thousand," I said clearly.

"1001," the woman replied. She had a smile still on her face as if this was the biggest joke ever.

"Fifteen," Stan said.

"1501," replied the woman.

"Five thousand." There was a gasp from the woman and Stan looked at me with an appraising look in his eye.

"5001," she said. The confidence had left her, but she was still determined.

"Nine," Stan replied.

She took a deep, calming breath, and said, "ninety-one hundred."

She was only now starting to get what real bidding was all about, but it was too late for her. Stan was losing confidence, and she was beyond what she could afford. Time to end this.

"Ten thousand dollars."

Stan smiled over at me, willing to let me have it. The woman paled, let out a sigh, and started to cry a bit. She walked quickly away from the unit. My victory was a little pyrrhic. Sure, I'd won the contents of the locker, but I'd done so directly from the owner of the unit.

It hadn't cost me my life, but it felt as though I truly no longer wanted to win.

I put on my lock and wandered around with the rest of the bidders. Stan picked up a unit for a couple hundred dollars, but that was Stan for you. He rarely liked to go above a thousand when he could help it.

All of the auctions were done, and I pulled the truck into the lot. Now was the moment of truth. I opened up the locker and found boxes. They were stacked all the way to the ceiling.

Good thing I brought the truck.

I began to move the boxes into the truck. I checked a couple of them and they all seemed to be filled with clothing. With this many boxes of clothing, I'd have to donate a little each week to the second hand store, and possibly look for another one or two stores to do business with.
I had moved somewhere around twenty boxes when I finally broke through the wall and could see what was in the rest of the unit. I began to smile. I wasn't and expert by any stretch of the imagination, but the sheer volume of furniture in that unit made my heart race.

I'd seen other units with antique furniture in them, but never anything like this. Someone had taken great care to store this. It was all raised off the ground on pallets and there were tarps to prevent leaks. The unit wasn't hermetically sealed, of course, but it was as close as you could get with a public storage facility.

I called Edgar, "I have a load of furniture here I'd like you to take a look at. I rented my own truck this week, so if you'd like to bring some guys to move it today…"

"No, Jackie, I think I'll move it tomorrow or Monday. Let me get down there to have a look at it."

"Ok, see ya soon."

I continued moving boxes into the truck so that there clear access to the back of the locker. Toward the back I ran into a group of boxes marked fragile, so I set them aside and continued moving clothes into the truck. It didn't fill the truck, but there were a lot of boxes up there.

Edgar took one look into the locker and paled.

"Jackie-boy. You hit the motherlode."

"What are you talking about?"

"There are desks with matching chairs. There is a table in there, with chairs. Period matched. Someone spent a lot of money on this furniture, or they've had it in their family for a very long time. Rough estimate? Five hundred."

"Dollars? Well, that's ok, I guess." The floor had dropped out from under me. It happened.

"No, thousand."

My jaw dropped and I stared at him.

"You're kidding."

"Nope, never. After my cut…you'll be looking at a little under three hundred thousand dollars."

That couldn't be possible.

I walked over to the boxes and opened them. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Fine china. It didn't look antique, but it looked impressive none the less.

"Wow, this day keeps getting better and better for you."

"What is it?"

Edgar was wearing gloves, like usual, and carefully picked up the plate on top. He turned it over and I saw a few words printed there. Noritake. Nippon. Hand Painted.

"What is it," I asked again.

The front had a beautiful floral pattern on it.

"This, Jackie, seems to be a complete set of Noritake china," he began looking through the other boxes, "several complete sets actually."

"I never thought I'd own fine china."

"Unless these are reproductions, which is possible, I wouldn't suggest eating off them. You're probably looking at a couple thousand dollars worth of china here."

"So, I doubt you're going to but this off me," I said gesturing to the rest of the locker.

"Nope, but I will sell it for you. There are a couple of other outlets that I'd like to try as well. There is a lot of history in here. Might not get as much if we offer it to a museum…"

"I'll let you decide."

I was confident in my options. I had everything I needed even if this got me another two hundred thousand.

It was everything that I needed to get all the way through school without needing to bid on another locker.

I carefully moved the china onto the truck and drove it home. The guys were still asleep so I moved the boxes on my own into my room. Well, and the living room, and under the stairs.

There was little room for the boxes in our small house. I began to unpack the boxes, going through them one by one. Sorting the salable, usable, and garbage from among them.

Strangely enough it all seemed to be in my size. I held up some of the clothing to me, seeing how it would look.

I was smiling and having a good time when I opened a box and saw a pair of breasts looking up at me. I reached out and touched them, afraid of what else might be in the box.

There was a sheet of paper behind the breasts and looking at it I breathed a sigh of relief. They were something called breast forms. Use and care instructions were on the sheet of paper. there were a couple of other breast forms, both B cups like the first one, as well as women's clothing. It almost looked like the women's clothing was there as packing material.

I closed the box and continued sorting through the clothing. It was more men's clothing and I was beginning to think that the breast forms were a fluke, but then I ran into a box full of skirts. On a whim I held one up against me, and it seemed as though it might fit.

The thoughts I'd had through the week sort of culminated into a 'why not?' sort of a thought.

I read the instructions a couple of times for the breast forms and then went for it. I picked out a matching bra and panty set from the box and slipped them on. I'd expected the panties to at least feel a little weird, but they didn't. a bit tight in the front, maybe, but overall they felt comfortable. They were black and lacey. The bra had a front closure, for which I was thankful. I slipped it on and closed it. I adjusted the straps so that they sat properly on my shoulders next.

Then I slipped in the breast forms.

They had a sort of self adhesive that held them in place, or at least kept them from sliding around. I could see the edges, but I wasn't too worried about it.

It felt strange to have that weight on my chest, and threw off my center of gravity a little bit.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and was shocked at what I saw. I was so…feminine.

I grabbed one of the skirts and pulled it on. It seemed to give me a waist. I noticed a few hairs here and there on my legs so I decided to shave them off. I went to the downstairs bathroom and took care of that, and checked my face. There was nothing there to speak of, so I felt confident in my attire.

I headed back out and quickly found a cream blouse to fit the navy blue of the pencil skirt I was now wearing.

I looked at myself in the mirror and brushed my hair into what I thought was a little more feminine style.

Then I set to work with more energy than I'd had before. I bypassed all of the boxes with guy's clothing and focused on the boxes with girl's clothing.

I was so engrossed that I didn't even notice the door opening.

"Hey, have you seen Jake anywhere?"

I looked up startled and saw Brad standing in the doorway.

"I don't think we've met. My name is Brad."

"I know who you are, Brad."

"Do we have classes together? Wait, that voice…"

"Yes, Brad, you should recognize…"

"Jake!?"

I smiled. The look on his face was so…precious.

"But you…skirt…breasts…"

I was forcefully reminded of what I was wearing. I blushed and turned away from him.

"Stop, Jake. What's going on here?"

"I got some girl's clothing today."

"And you just thought you'd try it on and it gave you breasts…"

"No. Those are breast forms. Like these."

I showed him one of the other bags.

"That is so…weird."

He was getting a glazed look in his eye, and he shifted uncomfortably. Then he looked over at me and blushed.

"Look, if you don't want to join us today, that's fine Jake. I know there's only the one other girl who plays, and frankly, she's a little butch."

"Brad, I'm still a guy."

"Really? You told us about what they told you at the hospital."

"But."

"Jake, look. Let me prove it to you."

He walked over to me, and my heart began to pound. I thought I knew what he wanted to do, and I was rooted to the floor. Part of me wanted to move away from him, but part of me wanted…him.

He put his arms around me and drew me in close to him. I placed the gentlest of kisses on my lips and I melted.

He helped me sit down on the bed.

"Now, Jackie, tell me that you're a guy."

"Huh? What? Um…if I do will you kiss me again?"

He got a goofy grin on his face and laughed.

"You know, you were beginning to make me question my sexuality."

"Huh?" I know. Complete articulation here.

"Ever since you got that jacket, I find myself drawn more and more to you. It is like a switch was thrown and my mind started saying, man, that Jackie is kinda cute."

I blushed. I mean really blushed.

I tried to hide my face in the hair I did not have.

Brad put a finger under my chin and lifted my face to his.

"Hey, Brad. We need to get going. Who's the hottie."

"Seth," I exclaimed. I felt different about Brad calling me cute and Seth calling me hot.

"Wait…Jake? Dayum. You really are a girl."

I giggled at this and Brad and Seth began laughing.

"So, I take it this means you're not joining us for the game?"

"Nope, she has some unpacking to do it seems."

"She? I was kidding."

"No, I don't think it's a joke."

"Seth, at least for this weekend, I think I'll dress this way. I have that decision to make on Tuesday, and I figured that it would be a good idea to see how the other half lives."

"Well, here's hoping you stay that way. You really add some eye candy to the house."

"Out, Seth, out," Brad said as he shoved Seth out of my room.

I tried on a number of other outfits. Some of it was too small for me, so I packed it back up. Some a bit too big in the bust and hips. That I set aside, thinking I might eventually grow into it. A lot of it fit me like a glove.

I packed up my limited array of guy things and made room for the girl things.

An inkling of an idea came to me and I realized that another student, fifteen years ago, had gone through the same sort of transformation I just had.

It made me smile, actually.

When I was done, my closet was filled with dresses, skirts, and blouses. I had jeans and tee shirts, and all of the underwear I thought I would ever need.

There were even shoes in there.

I tried walking a bit in the heels and realized this was a skill that it would take me a bit to learn. I ended up wearing the navy skirt and cream top I first tried on. I slipped on a pair of navy flats. I didn't know what the style was called, but they kind of looked a bit like a slipper, only out of leather.

I slipped on my jacket, and realized that my modest breast size filled it out perfectly.

I closed up the jacket and felt…sexy. That's all I can describe it as. I would have loved to wear a heel with the ensemble, but I really didn't feel confident enough to try it yet.

"I take it you're ready to go?"

"Yes, Brad, I'm ready to go."

Something was different, though, as we walked across the campus. He was quieter than usual, and I had a hard time getting him to open up. I leaned up against him, and he put his arm around me as we walked. I was beginning to get comfortable when he pushed me away.

"Come on, Jake. This is a little weird, ok? I know I kissed you earlier, but I'm not gay."

I didn't know what to think about his statement. I didn't feel like a guy in this clothing. Not that I'm sure I ever felt like a guy, but I felt even less of one now. I was just trying…

"Ok, Brad. I'm sorry."

My eyes burned, and I did my best to hold everything in. It wasn't fair. Here, I had finally realized something, or thought I had, and my best friend was rejecting me.

Ok, so Sadie was likely my best friend here, but in my heart Brad took a close second. He had introduced me to his group of friends and they had accepted me as far as being Brad's friend. I had hung out with them, when Brad invited me along…

Remember what I said at the beginning about epiphany.

I realized that I'd basically been Brad's girlfriend since the beginning of school.

I stopped there in the middle of the sidewalk, shocked so badly that I couldn't take another step. Yes, my feelings for Brad had been moving in that direction, and it was only the fact that I wore this outfit that allowed Brad to admit that he'd been thinking along the same lines.

"Brad, I'm sorry that I embarrassed you. I'll get Seth or one of the other guys to walk me next week. Good bye."

"Jake, come on. Jake."

I walked faster and faster to get ahead of him. How could I have been so stupid.

"Jackie!"

I began to run. I was very glad for the flats at that moment. I got to Carla's building and only momentarily slowed down for the door. I climbed the mountain to her room and knocked on the door…the moment before I collapsed there in front of it.

I was crying, sobbing really. I didn't even know that I was feeling that way toward Brad, and now it was gone. I felt arms help me up and into the room and the murmur of comforting voices.

There was a pounding at the door and I could hear Brad's voice outside it.

"Jackie, I'm sorry."

"Go away, Brad. Don't you think you've done enough, whatever it is you did," Sadie asked him through the door.

"Sadie, you've got to let me in. I need to explain…"

I shook my head and Sadie frowned.

"Jackie doesn't want to talk to you right now, Brad. Go home."

"But…ok." Something sounded a bit broken in him. It made me want to get up and go to him. To try to comfort him.

"Be strong, girl. You don't want to come off as desperate."

I looked at Carla shocked. Then I remembered what I was wearing.

"So, Jackie, you going girl I take it?"

I smiled a bit at the strange statement from Katie.

"Spill, Jackie, what's going on?"

Sadie was a little cross and a lot confused, or so it seemed I decided to keep it short.

"Brad kissed me, earlier, to prove he thought of me as a girl or something, and then while we were walking over here he told me he wasn't gay and pushed me away."

"Look, guys are jerks, ok. It happens," Katie said. "I know this was your first real relationship, Jackie, but we all have to go through it some time."

"But, I didn't, I mean I'm not…" I blushed.

"You're not crushing on him," Jasmine asked.

"Ok, yes, I have a crush on him."

"Guys, has anyone else noticed what Jackie is wearing?"

"Stand, model, now," Carla said.

I got up and did a little pirouette.

"Wow, that's…" Sadie began.

"You, Jackie. I love the mixture of burgundy and navy. It's really sexy," Katie said.

"Oh, hush. You're going to make her think she was seducing Brad or something," Jasmine said.

"Wasn't I?"

"No, Jackie, you weren't, although I'd kill to be able to wear that skirt," Carla said.

"Look, can we get to the game this week," I asked.

There was general laughter at this, but there were nods all around.

I was home, for the moment, trying to figure out what I was going to wear.

Ok, seriously? I know that you are new to the clothes thing, Jackie, but can you be serious? Carla said in her GM voice.

"Fine," I said to thin air, with a smile on my face, "but I was just considering that I have no idea how to get an ectoplasm stain out of nylon or this cotton poly blend skirt."

There was a general chorus of assent from the peanut gallery.

Fine. I can accept that, but you wore that here, so you get to wear it on the town.

"Ok, ok already."

Cell phones seemed to short out around me, and land lines weren't that better. Sometimes I wished that people would invent the mystical equivalent of those conveniences.

I went out into the chilly air, walking toward where we'd agreed to meet for the evening. We were becoming a regular coven it seemed.

"Hey, a coven is witches."

"You're point, Yaz?"

"I happen to be a wizard."

We laughed at this, and settled in for what was turning out to be a pleasant evening.

It was just turning four when Sadie, Carla and I arrived at my house. I slipped into my room and locked my door for the first time since I'd moved in. I stripped and followed the directions for storing the breast forms and then slipped into a pair of silk pajamas. They were pink, but I figured I could live with that. They felt nice, and sort of helped reinforce the whole femininity thing.

The next morning I went out and got my breakfast without changing.

"Who's the babe," I heard from behind me.

"Hey, Kelly."

"Jake?"

"You can call me Jackie if it's easier."

"Kind of figured there was something special about you. Love the pajamas by the way. They suit you."

"Thanks," I said with a smile and a blush.

"Yeah, my sister went through something like this. Of course she realized it when she was ten. Threw my parents for a loop."

"Wait, what?"

"My sister is transgendered. You know, like you are?"

"There is a word for what I'm going through?"

"Yep, whole community."

I was floored. It had never occurred to me before that there were more people…like me…out there. Of course, given infinite diversity, I guess that wasn't too hard to really comprehend.

"This is all so…new."

"Tell me about it. It took me a bit to actually accept that my older brother was now my older sister, but hey, it was who she was. She really blossomed into the role."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I said.

"You're welcome. If anyone gives you a hard time, let me know."

"I'm still not 100% sure that this is what I want…"

"Really? You have always struck me as…well…female. I know you always told us you were a guy, and you tried to play football with us, but…"

"You sucked, Jackie, that's the bottom line."

I looked up at Liam who was standing behind me, leaning over.

"Hey, Liam. I think you're girlfriend might have a problem with how close you're standing to me."

"Nah, I know he only has eyes for me…at least he better," Carla said.

Liam gave her a kiss in response. It reminded me of what I didn't have, and probably wouldn't have any time in the near future. Kelly's comments aside, I doubled anyone could care about someone…like me.

I tried to keep in the conversation, but I got quieter. I shut up completely when Brad came in. He took one look at me and turned around and left.

That was it. I went to my room and locked myself in again. I heard an argument between Brad and Kelly, but I stuck my head under my pillow so I couldn't hear it. I cried.

It wasn't fair, but then life never is.

What was lost…
copyright 2011 Faeriemage
Treasure is in the eye of the beholder, and no this isn't a D&D reference.

---

I don't know how long I lay in my room either crying into my pillow or staring through sore eyes at the ceiling. I almost just threw it all in at that point. Testosterone would toughen me up, or so I thought. I'd have fewer of these emotional outbursts and I'd become more manly. My voice would drop. I'd be able to grow a beard.

I would become the man I'd always claimed that I was.

The more I thought about it the sicker I got. My stomach twisted in on itself. I just couldn't destroy my self-image to that degree.

As I came to this realization, there was a knock on my door.

"Hi, are you Jake?"

"Jackie, mostly, but yes."

"Hi, um, I know this is unusual, and well, I wanted some of my stuff back."

"Wait, what?"

"Yesterday…"

It was the woman who'd bid against me yesterday.

"Look, I've already taken the furniture to an antiques dealer."

"No, I can live without the furniture. It reminded me too much of my parents. I loved them, but they couldn't accept me for who I was."

I remembered my thoughts from yesterday.

"You're like me, aren't you. I mean you were born…male?"

She blushed and looked around.

"The guys here know, at least about me. I came to school as a guy to begin with. I'm seriously thinking of changing that."

"Only do it if you feel it. Don't change if you feel pressured into it."

"Why do you say that?"

"My…friend…recently committed suicide. She felt that to better understand me, she needed to become like me. She knew I was a lesbian and well…she changed for me. A few months ago…"

I stood up and put my arms around the older woman. She was considerably taller than me, but she succeeded in crying on my shoulder anyway.

"Just to let you know, I think I'm heterosexual."

She laughed at this. I could hear some of the original depth of her voice as she laughed. I guess some things are harder for some people than it will ever be for me.

"Just to let you know, I prefer more mature women."

I giggled.

"You are so natural."

"It helps to have a developmental condition. Apparently I never had any testicles."

"I'm so jealous right now."

"If you don't want the furniture…"

"I want my trousseau."

"Huh? Wait…"

"My parents only had one child. So did my mother's parents. My Great-grandparents only had one girl. My mother was given all six sets of the china my great-grandparents had purchased for their female children.

"My mother broke one set when I told her who I was. It is my trousseau, even though my mother would never want me to take it as such."

"You bid over nine thousand dollars for the china."

"Yes, even though I couldn't afford it. I can pay you five thousand for it."

"No, I'm sorry. I can't take five thousand for that."

"Oh. Well…"

"No, you misunderstand. I can't take your money. I'm giving you the china back. You don't want any of the clothing…do you?"

She laughed at this, but it was more controlled this time.

"I see you're already making use of that."

I blushed. I was still in the pink PJs.

"Look, I can tell that you don't have many girl things, well, except for the clothing. Let's go shopping."

"Um, I don't think."

"I need someone to help me carry these boxes anyway."

She left so that I could change into something more suitable. I was already noticing that I'd have to get a new jacket as the one I had really limited my clothing choices. Since I'd be working I went with a pair of blue jeans and a black tee.

"You're really new to this, aren't you?"

"What?"

"Those jeans are really tight…"

I looked down and could see what she was referring to. I'd never been really well endowed by any stretch of the imagination, but I was visibly male in those jeans.

"Um, I'll get changed then."

"No, you just need to move…that…somewhere less visible." She was blushing.

"Where do you…oh. You mean not in front."

I went back into my room and tried a couple of things. Some were really uncomfortable, and some less so. Eventually I found something that I thought would work. It wasn't really uncomfortable, and as soon as I got the jeans back in place it began to get a little more comfortable.

I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. I looked perfect in those jeans, and they really hugged my butt.

"Much better, Jackie. Oh, I'm Sam by the way."

"If you could pick your name, why go with Sam?"

"I did pick my name. I was originally Peter. I like Samantha better."

We moved the boxes out to her mini-van. I was very careful while moving them. She was a bit less careful. I doubt either of us broke any of the items in the boxes. We drove to her house which was near the Harvard campus and unloaded the boxes.

"Who's this? A new friend, Sam?"

"Just a friend, Amy. Jackie, this is Amy, my landlord."

The woman was grey haired and shriveled up, but there was a twinkle in her eyes that decried a vitality her obvious age did not support.

"Hi, Amy."

"Welcome Jackie. I hope she's wrong about the friend thing. She needs to move on."

"Sorry, Amy, I'm hetero."

We all got a good laugh at this, and then we climbed back into the van.

"I want to do something about your hair first."

"Is there really enough to style?"

"We'll have to see."

I expected to drive to a salon of some sort, but Sam pulled up in front of a house a couple of blocks away from her home.

"Sam! Your next appointment isn't for another week."

"Hi, Landon. You have room to be able to squeeze in this cutie?"

"Hmmm. Well, This seems to be an emergency," the man said, "so yes, I can squeeze her in."

Stereotypically, male hair dressers are depicted in movies and TV as flamboyant, whether or not they are gay.

Landon wasn't…flamboyant I mean. I didn't know whether or not he was gay.

"So…"

"Jackie."

"So, Jackie. What can I do for you. You seem to have had a really masculine haircut last time."

"I did. I was trying…"

"Jackie was male at the time she got the haircut."

"You don't say. Well, we'll just have to fix that."

"Sam!"

"Jackie! Landon is a good guy, and very discreet."

"I'm right here, ladies." It seemed he put just the slightest emphasis on the word for my benefit, so I smiled up at him.

"Now, Jackie, your hair is a bit short for much of anything that I could do. I am mostly limited to either a pageboy or a pixie cut. I could get away with a slightly longer pixie cut…"

"What is a pixie cut?"

He pulled out a book and flipped to the right page. The face smiling up at me had similar features to the one I looked at in the mirror every day. The hair, though…

"That's kind of sexy…"

"Is that really a bad thing, Jackie? I mean you're trying to show your femininity to the rest of the world, and what better way to do that than being, well, sexy."

"But…"

"If you're not comfortable with it, I can try something else."

My stomach felt like it was filled with ice, but nothing ventured…

"Do it, now, before I change my mind."

"Sit right here, milady, and we'll get you taken care of."

I sat down and he started in on my hair. The nervousness that I felt as he started only increased. I was starting to fidget a little, at which point he asked me to relax. He finished before I really got fidgety again.

"Ok, take a look."

I looked at myself in the mirror, and I was shocked. I barely recognized myself. Just a simple haircut, and I really looked…well I looked gorgeous at least as far as I measured these things.

"Landon, you missed something."

He turned me to face him, and then smiled.

"Let me shape your eyebrows really quickly, Jackie. They are fine as they are, but they could fit your style a little better."

A couple of tears escaped as he removed what felt like half of the hairs from my face. When I was allowed to see myself in the mirror again, I was completely changed. The girl in the mirror smiled at me, and I felt my heart leap in my chest, because I knew that the girl in the mirror was me.

A couple more tears fell, but these were tears of joy.

"Thank you so much, Sam."

"You're welcome, Jackie."

"So, you ladies out for a night on the town?"

"We have another stop first, but I have to make a phone call before we do."

Sam walked into the other room leaving me alone with Landon.

"So, Jackie. I know this is new to you, and normally I don't ask out clients, but, would you mind going to dinner with me sometime?"

I looked at him, shocked.

"I'm really not expecting more than dinner, Jackie. Not that I won't admit to wanting more, but I know…What I'm trying to say is I'm straight. I'm sort of, well, normal as far as sex goes. No kink or anything. Maybe in a couple of years…" He looked at me appraisingly.

"Sorry, I'm making a fool of myself and acting really pervy."

I giggled at him.

"No apology needed, Landon. I'm a virgin in every sense of the word. In fact I'm not looking for a sexual relationship at the moment. So, if you're fine with just dinner, then I'm fine with just dinner."

"Wait, did you just say…"

"I said, yes I'll go to dinner with you."

He actually crowed.

"What's all the ruckus in here?"

"Jackie and I are going on a date sometime."

Sam smiled at me, and I blushed.

I gave him my number, and then thought of something. "Look, Landon, I currently live with a bunch of guys. Don't be put off if one of them answers, ok?"

"Ok. I'll call you sometime later in the week. Next Friday good for you?"

I smiled, and blushed, and nodded.

When we were back in the car, Sam laughed.

"Damn, girl, you really move fast."

"I've never been one to let indecision stop me from anything I wanted."

"You know, in the three years I've been going to Landon, I never even knew he was straight."

"Well, I guess it took the right kind of girl to open him up."

She looked at me appraisingly, but didn't say anything.

For how poorly the morning started, it was shaping up to be a really nice day. We drove for a little while before we stopped in front of what looked like a warehouse.

"Where are we?"

"Hell-o-e'en inc."

"Which is…"

"A costume makeup company. However, one of the best makeup artists I know works here. She taught me how to apply makeup fifteen years ago."

"Wait…makeup?" The blood drained from my face, and I must have gotten a deer in the headlights look.

"Jackie, it's not a big deal. Girls spend time when they're teenagers learning how to get makeup just right, and which colors work, or don't with their complexion. Someone like Tara can shortcut the entire process."

"But, I don't need makeup."

"No, you really don't need it. But isn't there someone who you want to eat their heart out? I mean there was a reason you were in your room, in your PJs, all day long for a reason."

I blushed crimson and she laughed at me.

"That's not funny."

"No, probably not, but I hit the nail on the head."

"Yeah, you did. There's this boy…"

"Isn't there always…well in my case it would be more 'there's this girl.'"

I giggled.

"Look. You won't need much. Just enough."

"Fine."

Tara was a treat. We spent close to four hours there. I learned what colors worked, and what didn't. She even gave me a few samples that seemed to fit me really well. When she was done, I had a really pretty evening makeup applied to my face.

The makeup didn't change my look completely, like the hair had. More, it seemed to emphasize the feminine shape already there.

"Well, you look ready for a night on the town."

"I'm not really dressed for that."

"That's fine. We'll make a stop off at your house, first."

We drove to my house and I rushed inside to get changed. I slipped as quickly as I could out of the tight jeans and then dropped the t-shirt on the floor. I looked through my closet for something that caught my eye and settled on a short black dress.

Well, short is relative. It was only a couple of inches above my knee. The front covered my bra completely, but the back was bare and showed of my lingerie.

I worried for a moment what I was going to do, and then I noticed that the dress had a couple of pockets hand sewn into the front. I smiled at Sam's ingenuity and slipped the breast forms into the dress and then put it on. It wasn't quite as natural feeling as the bra had been, but it worked, and the tightness of the dress in front prevented it from moving with the weight of the breasts.

"Jackie?"

"I don't have time for this, Brad."

He was standing in the doorway, staring at me. I'd been so engrossed in getting the front of the dress to sit right that I hadn't noticed when he came in.

"Look, I'm sorry, ok?"

"For what? Kissing me here in my room? Or rejecting me when people could see?"

""Both, or either, or I mean rejecting you."

"I think you made yourself abundantly…"

He shut me up with a kiss. My knees gave out. He held me up and continued to kiss me. I opened my mouth slightly to try and get a breath, or something, and he took that as an invitation.

All I could think about was that kiss. He was breathing hard when he finally released me and I just sat there, a slight smile on my lips, not really focusing on anything. He left before I could really respond.

"Are you about ready to go, Jackie?"

"Hmmm?"

"Jackie?"

I shook myself and stood up.

"I need a pair of shoes."

"Try these."

She handed me a two inch heel and I pulled back.

"I can't wear those."

"You have to learn sometime. Especially with how short you are. And you may want to touch up your makeup."

My lipstick was a little smeared, so I cleaned it off and re-applied it. Sam chuckled behind me.

"Stop it!"

"So, the makeup worked?"

"If by worked you mean did he kiss me so thoroughly that I almost orgasmed, then yes it worked."

"He didn't…"

"No, but my tonsils got a thorough cleaning."

"If you are a virgin, how do you know what an orgasm feels like."

"I was looking for a specific feel to how he kissed me."

"Well, you did look a little dazed when I came in."

"That's because he's a good kisser."

"Well, we need to get going."

She gave me a brief instruction on how to walk in heels, and I made it to the car without too much difficulty. At least I didn't trip over my own two feet.

We got to the restaurant, which if I was anywhere close in the map I was using in my head, was somewhere near Harvard.

"This looks like a student hangout."

"Teachers hang out here too."

"Wait, you're…"

"A professor? Yes. No, I'm not in womyn's studies. History, actually."

"History? Aren't history professors supposed to be stodgy older men in tweed?"

"With leather patches on the elbows?"

I nodded with an impish smile. I'm sure it went well with my haircut.

"No, they aren't. There isn't any sort of 'supposed' to be. My father actually used to complain about television shows that had pretty female scientists because he said it wasn't realistic. A pretty woman didn't need to rely on her brains so there is no way she would become a scientist."

"You're kidding."

"Nope. I'm not. People are people. Pretty or ugly. They all have reasons for doing something that have nothing to do with how they look."

"Like the fact that I'll continue getting my engineering degree even though I'm now gorgeous?"

"And oh so humble to boot."

"You'd better believe it. No hubris here."

"Hello, professor Spade," the girl behind the podium said.

I couldn't help it. I giggled. "Samantha Spade? You're kidding, right?"

"Nope."

"Your first name is Samantha," the girl asked.

"You didn't know?"

"The syllabus just says S. Spade."

"Wait, you work here and go to Harvard?"

"Jackie, not everyone who goes to Harvard is rich."

"Table for two, professor?"

"Yes, please."

"It'll be a half hour wait."

"We'll be in the bar."

We walked into the bar area and sat down at the corner. I got a few appreciative glances from the guys, and some of the girls. There were also some glares from some of the girls.

I was surveying the people coming in, when I saw Matt.

"Oh, crap."

"What is it, Jackie."

"Matt is from the same home town I am."

"There's no reason to believe he would expect to see you here."

"He knows I'm going to MIT. He's coming this way."

I tried to sink into my barstool, but Sam stopped me.

"Act natural and you'll attract less attention."

"Hello, Ladies."

"Hi," I said weakly.

"Hello," Sam said.

"Can I offer you a drink?"

"Are you old enough to drink," I asked.

Matt went bright red, and then looked more closely at me.

"Do I know you?"

"Yes."

"Wow, now I'm embarrassed. I would never have forgotten a face like yours."

"And yet you did. Imagine that."

"Are you kidding? I mean, you don't really know me, right?"

"I know you, Matt."

"Yeah, you could have asked my name from someone else."

"Really? Sparkle-britches?"

His mouth dropped open and then he blushed bright red.

"Shh. Not so loud, that nickname makes me sound gay."

"Amanda would disagree with that assessment, and she gave you the nickname."

"Do you think this is wise," Sam asked me.

I shut my mouth at this statement.

"I really do know you, don't I? Why can't I place your face?"

I shrugged, "I have lost some weight since you last saw me."

"This is going to bother me all night. Well, nice seeing you…" He was waiting for me to drop my name. I kept tight hold of it.

"Nice seeing you, Matt."

"You are wicked, Jackie," Sam said when he was safely out of earshot.

"I know. I'm not really sure how he'd take the new me, but he is a good friend, or at least was. If he figures it out he'll either have a good laugh or kill me. Probably laugh….I hope"

Sam shook her head at me. We eventually heard our names called and we made our way into the restaurant.

The food was good, and the conversation came easily. We talked a lot about the life that Sam had led to get where she was. She gave me a ride home afterward.

"So, come and visit me anytime."

"Awfully long way to walk."

"There is an excellent public transit system. Use that."

"There is?"

"Don't tell me you've been walking or using taxis to get everywhere."

My blush was answer enough.

"Well, get a bus schedule and use that in the future."

"Ok, mom."

She stuck her tongue out at me and I just giggled.

I cleaned off my makeup in the bathroom with a washcloth and water. I felt somehow less when I took it off, but I still liked what I saw.

Monday, I came to class in a pleated olive skirt and a button top. It might be a little out of style, but I liked the look. There was something missing from my image in the mirror, though, and it took me a while to realize what it was.

I had no jewelry.

I laughed at myself and walked out the door. I was wearing a three inch heel today to get more practice walking. That and they fit with the outfit.

Three inch heels are a little different than two inch heels, especially if your feet are as small as mine. I figured out the trick of it before I got all the way across campus, though, for which I was truly thankful.

I had to take my shoes off in class, though, as my feet were killing me.

"Hey, Sadie," I called to her as she walked in.

"Jackie? Love the hair. Wait, is that makeup?"

"Yeah. A friend helped me out this weekend."

"I like it. What does Brad think?"

"Well, I haven't seen him since yesterday before the restaurant. He kissed me again."

"Oh."

"No, I mean really kissed me. In the manner of the French."

"Oh!"

We talked until class began, and then got down to the subject at hand.

Tuesday was more of the same, although I wore more sensible shoes, especially since I would be riding the bus to the hospital afterward.

I made it to the hospital with only one major mistake and went up to Dr. Childs office.

"Hello?"

"Hi, I'm expecting someone else, so if you could make it quick?"

"So, you scheduled someone other than me for today?"

"Jake?"

"I'm going by Jackie actually."

"Wow, well, I take it you've come to a decision, then?"

"Yeah, I think I have."

"Well, let's get you a shot, then, and I can take you to see the psychologist again."

"Doesn't she want to see me first?"

"Nope. She figured you could make your own decision, but if it was to become female, she wants to see you again."

"Why? Doesn't she think I want this?"

"She wants to monitor your mental health. I'm only here to monitor your physical health during the process."

I smiled at that, "Let's do this."

It didn't even hurt. Well, it didn't hurt much.

What was lost…
copyright 2011 Faeriemage
Treasure is in the eye of the beholder, and no this isn't a D&D reference.

---

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the delay. Had an hour or two to finish the final 3/4^ths of this so I figured I'd get it posted.

---

"So, you don't think that maybe you're just putting on an act with what you think of as feminine mannerisms?"

Harriet had come back at me in multiple different ways on the same theme. Was I just pretending to be a girl? Somehow I thought that I'd get a shot, get checked off as well adjusted, and I'd be on my way home. People already accepted me as a girl, and it would just continue that way. I'd grow breasts and then…ok I had no idea how things progressed from there, but then again I'd never looked up anything on the subject. It simply hadn't occurred to me that this was…me.

Ok, so Julie tried to tell me that I was different and get me to see her therapist.

As a side note, I have no idea why Julie was seeing a therapist.

"As far as I'm aware I don't have any mannerisms that I'm really putting on for anyone. I just act like myself and dress like a girl. People think I'm a girl and I can live with that. I'd like to match what I apparently seem to be."

Harriet looked thoughtful for a minute, "so, you're telling me that you have not changed your behavior at all? Most guys don't sit with their legs together like that."

"It's a very tight skirt. I couldn't spread my legs if I tried right now. Heck, it's really fun to walk."

"But sitting with your knees off to the side like that? It's a very feminine pose."

"It's comfortable."

"You're voice?"

"Yeah, you know that it's me."

I could tell she was getting frustrated, so I decided to try to cut her a little slack.

"Harriet, people have thought I was a girl for years now. They have called me 'miss' and 'lady' and other less complimentary things. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I just corrected them and went about my life. Then something happened. I started pretending to be a girl. Or more specifically I stopped pretending, in my head, to be a boy.

"It was strange. Suddenly I was connecting with people like I hadn't in the past. There wasn't this self imposed wall between us anymore. Other girls seemed to be more comfortable around me and guys started, well, noticing me," I blushed considering some of the notice that Brad had been paying me.

"A specific boy?"

"Yeah."

"Is he the reason…"

"No, nothing like that. I'm a girl, Harriet. Maybe not physically, but emotionally and mentally. I am a girl."

She smiled at me and made a calming gesture, "I didn't mean to let you think that I was going to stop you. I wouldn't have let you take the estrogen shot earlier if I had any doubts. Well, I might have, since one shot isn't going to make much difference, but not more than that. Jackie, I see you sitting here and I don't see a boy. I'm trying but there isn't anything about your behavior that suggests you are anything other than what you seem."

The rest of my session was more conventional, if you can call talking about being a different gender between your ears than between your legs as conventional. We talked a little about Brad and Sadie and all of my other friends. It was a pleasant conversation.

She even gave me some pretty graphic details about the surgeries I could expect after my real life test. You know, living like a female. She didn't think it was funny when I joked that I'd been living as a girl my entire life without realizing it. Yeah, she didn't ok my fast track to surgery.

Harriet and I set another appointment for Tuesday of next week, after which I rode the bus home. It was a pleasant trip and I was getting used to public transit.

The phone was ringing when I arrived home.

"Jackie speaking," I said as I answered. I still hadn't gotten around to purchasing a cell phone, so the home phone was my only link to anyone else. Most everyone I knew called me here.

"Jake?"

The voice was instantly familiar, and I felt my face begin to heat up. "Julie, hi."

"I had an interesting talk with Matt recently. It took me this long to track you down. Your mom still thinks you live in the dorm and answer to Jake."

"Yeah, about that…"

"So why Jackie? There are so many other names that are a lot prettier."

"Wait, what?"

"I would have chosen Tammy for you personally."

"You're kidding, right? Tammy? Why not Liara while you're at it."

"There is nothing wrong with the name Liara."

"Other than the fact that all of your important female NPCs are named Liara."

She chuckled for a moment before continuing.

"So, Jackie…"

"Because someone in my Math course thought that Jake was short for Jacqueline."

"You're kidding."

"Nope. What did you tell Matt?"

"I told him that the only person I knew that was out here was you. He said there's no way that you would ever look that hot."

I blushed to the roots of my hair, and I was glad that I was talking to Julie over the phone where only vocal queues would give me away.

"Wait, it was you, wasn't it? You were out at a Harvard bar with an older woman. And dressed like a girl to boot."

"I am a girl, Julie, or so you always told me."

"Wait, you're…who are you and what did you do with the real Jake."

"It's me, Julie. Apparently I have a developmental problem of some sort. They told me I'd have to go on hormones or I'd suffer worse problems, and then, because I was dressed like a girl at the time offered me a choice."

"Wait, you were dressed like a girl?"

I blushed again but said, "Yes."

I then proceeded to relate the entire history of what I'd been going through since I arrived at school. Talking about this made me realize that I hadn't seen Brad since Saturday. I told Julie about Brad at that point, and how confusing he was.

He must have heard me because he chose that moment to show up. "I'm not avoiding you, Jake."

"I'm Jackie, Brad."

"Are you? Really? I mean, other than that killer haircut you still look like my former roommate."

I didn't know why I suddenly felt like crying. It felt as though his words were a knife in my gut. I said goodbye to Julie and went to my room. What was the point if every time I turned around the man that I…no, I couldn't be thinking that. I didn't know Brad well enough. Sure, he was hot, and a wonderful kisser, a truly amazing kisser really, but that wasn't enough. He was showing me his true colors every time he cut me down or…

The door opening cut my thoughts off and I looked up. Brad stood there in the doorway. Half of me wanted to yell at him to get out, but the other half wanted to be held and never let go. That part got what it wanted. He sat down behind me and put his arms around me from behind. I put my hands on his arm and turned my cheek to his chest.

"I'm sorry, Jackie. This is so weird to me. I know I'm not gay, but you haunt every waking moment and it's almost as hard to be with you as it is to be without."

"I'm not a lesbian, Brad. I'm heterosexual, just like you are."

"Wait…what?"

"I'm a girl, Brad. No, not physically, but that hardly matters. I'm not really interested in having sex with you."

He started to pull away, but I held on. I wasn't very strong, I knew that, so the only reason he didn't get free was he wasn't trying very hard.

"I've seen you naked, Jackie."

"I know, and I plan on changing all of that. I'm at least starting to."

"I don't understand."

"I'm taking hormones. For the first time in my life I'll actually be going through puberty."

"Won't that make you…"

"Female hormones, Brad."

"Oh…"

Then I had to hold on because he went a little slack. I'm not sure up to that point he'd ever considered that as an option.

"Look, I'll tell you straight out. I like you, ok, Brad? A lot. I don't know when friendship turned into wanting more with me, but it did. This is your parachute, ok? I want to let you know everything so you can jump if you want to. I don't want you ever resenting me."

"I couldn't…"

"Harriet, my therapist, thought it would be a good idea if I did this. She said that she has seen too many women like me hurt by their partners."

"I wouldn't…"

"Wouldn't you, Brad? You hurt me deeply within the past couple of weeks. Not physically, but emotionally."

"I'm sorry. I never meant to."

"I know you didn't. or we would be having a very different conversation."

His arms were around me again and I just luxuriated in the feel of him. His strength radiated into me, and I just wanted to sit there forever in his embrace. But like all mortal things, this too would have to come to an end.

"I'll never be able to bear your children, Brad."

"What? I thought you said."

"Right now, sure. Eventually I want you to marry me, silly."

"Is that even possible? I mean the whole gay marriage thing…"

"Brad, what did I tell you? I'm a woman. Remember that."

"Sorry, this is all so new to me."

"You think it's any easier for me?"

He squeezed me and gave me a peck on the cheek, and I lost a little time again just being held by this man. This flawed, imperfect man who owned my heart so completely.

"It will be at least a year before I will match physically with what I seem to be. I'd prefer to wait for anything beyond kissing until then."

"What happens in a year?"

"I can get surgery to correct the mistake in my sex."

He pushed me away, and I thought I'd just revolted him completely, but he turned me around to look into my face.

"You mean they're going to cut off…"

"Not that they ever did me much use before now."

"You're a virgin?"

"Yes, Brad. I'm a virgin."

He blushed and smiled at me. Then, after a moment or two, he began to laugh.

"It's not funny, Brad."

"Yes it is. I'm a virgin as well."

"But…"

"Never found the right girl. When you started featuring in my dreams I really thought that I might be…well, never mind. You know what I was thinking. But it's this female in front of me that really makes me want…"

He lowered me to the bed, and I felt his weight as he began to kiss me. I wanted to give into him completely right there, but the moment I got a chance to breathe, I pushed him back and said, Brad, no. Not right now."

"But, Jackie…"

"I'm not ready yet, ok?"

He grumbled something and started adjusting himself.

"What?"

"I said you really are a girl."

I giggled at him and he began to laugh. I kissed him and he kissed me back. When I felt him begin to get a little pushy I backed up again.

We were both breathing a little hard that time.

"Brad, I think I need some air."

"I know what you mean. Look, I need to think a bit, okay?" With that he got up and left the room. I glanced at his pants as he was leaving and they were tighter than when he came in originally. It hurt to see him go, and I wished for a moment that I could have taken back my words. I wanted him there to just hold me again, but it was too late for that.

I really wanted someone to talk to at that moment. Someone estrogen enriched who would understand what I was going through. Sadie or Julie came to mind, but that would mean calling someone on the phone and being out in the main living area where anyone could overhear my conversation.

I went to sleep confused, and woke up the next morning the same. The day went pretty well until I got home. There was a notice from the housing department at the school saying that I'd have to move out as it had come to their attention that I wasn't male.

I thought about fighting it for the rest of the day, and most of Friday. They wanted me moved out by no later than Tuesday.

I went into the office after class on Friday to see what could be done.

The girl behind the counter when I got to the head of the line was pretty, and seemed intelligent and bored. I explained what was going on only to be interrupted as soon as the information came up on her screen. "Oh, we're sorry about this letter. It seems that someone complained that there was a girl living in the house. We checked, though, and it seems that the person who they thought was a girl was actually a guy."

"No, I'm a girl, just not physically."

"Wait, but.."

"Hi, I'm Jackie Peters."

"Jacob…"

"I prefer Jackie."

"We have here that you're male."

"Working on rectifying that."

"Oh. Um."

"I realize this makes you uncomfortable. I was just wondering what we could do to fix this?"

"Well, um, I would normally suggest the dorms, but, well…"

"So, I'm female enough to be kicked out, but not to have a place in the dorms?"

I admit I was raising my voice a bit. The girls manager came over to see what the fuss was.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I was told I couldn't have a place in the dorms. You are telling me I'll be put on academic probation if I don't move out of where I am now."

I handed the letter to him.

"Put her in the dorms, then."

"But, sir."

"There are two choices, Beth. We leave her where she is, or let her move into the dorms. Which do you think will be less disruptive?"

I was given a room key and I left smiling.

I hired a van for the afternoon and parked it in front of the house. The guys helped me, except for Brad who was conspicuously absent, and they even drove with me to the new place. Since the beginning of school they'd just finished a new quad of dorms, and I was moving in there. The number of people moving in and out with packages suggested I wasn't the only one moving in this weekend.

I got waves from people I'd seen in passing or in my classes and waved back. I smiled at the people around me, feeling like I actually fit here for the first time. Sure, I'd been coming to class for weeks now, but finally I actually felt like a part of it all.

It wasn't until I got into the room and was putting away my stuff that I actually began to worry. I began seeing a repeat of the questions that I got with Brad, about how I really didn't fit my roommates world view.

The door opened and a force of nature swept in.

"Hi, I'm Wendy," the girl said over her shoulder. She dropped a box off on her bed and swept out again. I was just barely registering that there had been someone in the room when she was back and dropping off another box.

"You need help with that?"

"No, I've got it," and like that she was off again. In and out and in for about ten minutes and then, just as quickly, the boxes disappeared into her closet and shelves. When she was done, she walked over to examine my side of the room.

"Love your clothes. I'll have to borrow some of them sometime."

I just looked at her in shock. I'd never seen someone as alive as Wendy was. She was vibrant.

She asked me something and I just looked foolishly at her.

"You aren't a lesbian, are you?"

I just began laughing. I couldn't help it.

"My last roommate asked me if I were gay."

"But…"

"Don't worry. I like guys."

"So you are…you're confusing."

"Let me start at the beginning then…" It probably wasn't a good idea to tell people so easily about myself, but since I would be living in the same room as Wendy I figured it would be a good idea to let her know. That was she could request a new roommate before thing's became too settled. She took it amazingly well.

"Wendy?"

"Just give me a moment. It's not every day that one of the better looking girls you've ever seen tells you that she's really a guy in disguise."

"I'm not…wait, you think I'm attractive?"

"Don't get any ideas, there, missy. I like dick just as much as you do."

I blushed bright red at her statement, but didn't try to tell her I was a virgin. I think there had been enough revelation for one day.

"So, you're male, but a woman, taking female hormones and planning on surgery in a year. that about the size of it?"

"When you say it like that you make me sound weird."

"Well, you are a bit weird."

"Oh, did I mention I purchase storage lockers that are in default and sell off the antiques as a job?"

She just began laughing at me, and I giggled along with her.

"Jackie, you're alright. A little girlie for my tastes, but a good person."

"Wait, you think I'm girlie?"

"Have you seen your choice in clothing? And that jacket? And wow, but you have three times as much makeup as I do."

"that's probably because it takes three applications for me to get it right. I'd only been doing this for about a week after all."

"Girl, your makeup is flawless."

"But…it's hardly noticeable. Barely there."

"To a guy, maybe. Let me tell you a little secret. A girl knows. It's the little things that give it away, like lips that just look too good, or your eyes really standing out. People are bland, for the most part. Makeup is there to add a little spice to our appearance, and Jackie, you are muy calliente."

"Is that even proper Spanish?"

"Who cares? I liked it."

I stuck my tongue out at her and then we broke down in giggles again. When I got changed for the evening, she watched as I got changed. I didn't feel any problems with it and so just got into my favorite silk pajamas. She was wearing a tee shirt and shorts.

"See what I mean? You are so girlie."

"Shut up. I like these. You just haven't ever tried something like them."

I went through my drawers and found a pale blue pair I'd never worn and threw them at her. She laughed at me and then changed into them. Her expression slowly began to change. "Wow, they're."

"So soft? I know, right? Why do you think I wear them?"

"You know you're never getting these back, right?'

"They're yours, Wendy. They really don't fit me anyway since they're way too big."

"I noticed. You make twigs jealous."

"Apparently I've not been eating enough."

"Well, since food is part of your rent in these new halls, let's get you something to eat."

"You just want to fatten me up."

"That too."

We smiled as we went down to the cafeteria. No group of friends to be introduced to this time, but I think I enjoyed it better. We got food, or I should say I grabbed a Cesar salad that looked good, and then Wendy began piling my plate high.

As I sat there trying to eat the pile of food that Wendy had piled onto my plate I looked around at the other students. Wendy and I weren't the only ones dressed for bed, and truth be told we were some of the more modest ones in that category. The salad I ate first, as that is what I'd wanted. I got about half a cheese sandwich in but I couldn't even finish that.

We sat there wondering what to do with the rest of the food when a couple of guys came over.

"These seats taken, Ladies?"

I shook my head and blushed. Wendy was a bit more vocal.

"You can sit here provided that you eat the rest of this food."

"Trying to feed an army?"

"No, my roommate. Trying to fatten her up so I don't feel so gargantuan next to her."

"Well, we can't let good food go to waste, can we Tim."

"Course not, Jon. Course not."

Tim turned a pair of the bluest eyes I'd ever seen on me and I lost what he asked completely.

"Her name's Jackie. And I'm Wendy by the way."

"Pleased to meet you both," Tim said, turning away from me. I liked my lips and watched as they made the food on my tray disappear. Wendy and I seemed to bond further over that moment. We eventually said good night to the guys and made our way back to our room, talking about our new acquaintances along the way, giggling about our observations.

I felt comfortable with Wendy like I never had with the guys, and I could tell she felt the same. I guess the school had something about people of the same gender living together over mixed gender living.

What was lost…
copyright 2011 Faeriemage
Treasure is in the eye of the beholder, and no this isn't a D&D reference.

---

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am tired and don't really have the patience right now to go look, so if this information about Jackie's dad is wrong, then I will change whatever I said in a previous chapter. From what I remember, I've mostly kept his mom and dad out of the story, so I think this information is correct.

---

Wendy rolled over and went back to sleep when my alarm woke me on Saturday morning. She didn't seem to be a morning person, and I could live with that. I considered how much worse that everything could have gone last night, and I let out a sigh of relief. Sure, I'd have to keep from telling everyone about who I was, but the people who did know seemed to be dealing with it well so far.

Except for Brad.

I really felt like I was going to spend most of the rest of my life saying that. I wasn't really attracted to anyone except for Brad. School would be easy for me, except for Brad. I'd be able to move on with my life, get my degree, and never really worry about the people I met here in school, except for Brad.

See where I'm going with this?

And that morning was no exception. I got dressed in a warm and conservative outfit and made my way out to the storage locker for the auction. There were some nods from people I'd seen before, and Stan complemented my appearance. Especially my new haircut. It had become such a part of me that I kind of forgot that I even had a new haircut sometimes.

It felt…right.

I pulled my jacket around me, hugging myself, to try to ward of the chill in the air. I expected it would warm up a bit as the day progressed, but for now there was a bit of frost on the ground that I was having a hard time ignoring.

There wasn't anything on the list of units up for sale that really struck me as being worth bidding on, at least at first glance. When we were walking around the lot, something in the list began to scream out at me. One of the units just felt so…off.

It might have been the smell coming from the unit or who knows what, but I felt it would be a good idea if I picked it up. It went to me for the lowest price that I'd ever paid. $100. The manager cut the lock, and I put my own there. I wasn't planning on looking inside until the auctions were done for the day.

Nothing else struck me, and I ended up with just the one unit.

It was just coming round to nine o'clock in the morning when I opened up the door and saw the most surprising thing in the world.

To explain how I even knew what it was, I have to explain a little about my Dad. He was a WWII enthusiast. He loved the history about the war. He loved movies about the war. He belonged to a couple of war game groups and he was playing three different games by mail. Avalon Hill played a major role in our household.

I think he's actually part of the reason that I got into Role Playing Games in the first place. He showed me that a game doesn't have to be Sorry or Risk to be enjoyable, and in fact, the more that the rules actually reflected reality, the more complex the game, the more room to really play there was.

And it wasn't just dramatizations or fictional accounts that he liked. He watched the documentaries almost more than he watched the fictionalized movies. Which isn't to say that we didn't own a copy of Patton.

So, when I opened the door and saw a WWII field artillery piece I was floored. My first thought was that my dad would have loved this. My second thought was: what in the world have I just purchased?

I closed the door, locked it again, and went to the front office and called the police. I was pretty sure that if there were problems with people owning assault rifles that there would be serious issues with someone owning a cannon.

The person at the 911 office at first had no idea what I was talking about, and then sort of freaked and thought I was threatening the storage facility with an artillery piece. So, next thing I know, SWAT is driving up with a bunch of squad cars and they're all freaking out.

An officer who looked vaguely familiar walked up to me.

"It looks like you got out of the hospital ok. We've still got the guys who tried to rape you in custody. Has anyone contacted you about appearing in court?"

"Wait, weren't you the campus cop?"

He laughed at this. "There is only the one type here, miss. So, do you know what's going on?"

"Yes, the previous owner of the storage unit I purchased was storing a cannon."

"What?"

I lead him over to the locker and opened the door. He spoke into the radio clipped to his shoulder, and there went my Saturday morning. I spent the next few hours being interview by officers and standing around waiting to be interviewed by officers.

Then the news crews came, and everything went from bad to worse. Well for me, anyway. Anyone who has been following this narrative closely, and by that I mean everyone out there, will know that up until this point I've not only neglected to tell my mother about my life change, but I haven't even called her at all.

"Miss, can you tell us about the cannon?"

I noticed that the reporter was for a local station, "Not much, I'm afraid. It was there when I opened the door."

"Isn't it your storage unit?"

"Yes, but before today it wasn't. I purchased the unit, sight unseen, this morning."

The next reporter to speak had a CNN logo on his camera. I hoped that this was only wishful thinking, but it reminded me that I really needed to contact my mom before anything else came up that would have her finding out my secret from someone else.

"You had no idea what was in the locker before you opened it? I find that hard to believe."

"Believe it or not, it's the truth. You can make a lot of money bidding on storage units, or lose your shirt. It's a bit like roulette, only it's legal."

And on, and on, and…well, you get the point. It was like none of them were listening to the other, and I ended up answering the same questions over and over. Finally, the police closed off the area, I gave my final statement and signed it, and I was free to leave.

The first thing I did was purchase a phone. No, not an iPhone. I picked up a Galaxy Tab 10.1. Sure, a little big for a phone, as it has a 10.1" screen, but come on. It is a tablet PC and a phone all wrapped up in one. Did I mention it has up to 14 hours of continual usage?

Sorry, I'm geeking out over it, but I think it's cool. I picked up a bluetooth headset as well. There's no way I'm holding a tablet up to my ear to use the phone features.

So, I got signed up for phone service, set it up to automatically withdraw from my bank account, and made my first call.

"Hello?" the voice asked from the other end of the connection.

"Hi, Julie."

"Jackie?"

"You remembered!"

"Course I did, you silly goof. You get everything resolved with the boyfriend?"

"Boy…Brad's just a friend!" I said, blushing entirely too much, and glad that she couldn't see me.

"And I'm the queen of Sheeba," she replied

"Yes, your majesty."

We both giggled a bit at this before Julie brought me back to task.

"So, like I said, everything resolved with Brad?" She wasn't going to let me juyst get away with this.

"I haven't seen him since we last talked. Well, you and I talked. Brad and I didn't do much talking..."

"Jackie. You little…"

"Kissing, Julie. Kissing. That's all we did."

"Then why…"

"I told him it would be at least a year before I was legally, and physically, female."

"Oh…oh! You mean…"

"Yes. Surgery."

"Wow. I still haven't…I mean..." Julie cut off suddenly. I thought about what she said for a moment and then it dawned on me.

"Wait, are you telling me…"

"No. I'm not saying anything," she said evasively, but I knew I had her

"You can't leave me like this, girlfriend. Spill."

"I'm transgendered," Julie said.

"See, was that too tough?"

"We moved to your town because my Dad figured it would be easier to live in a small town with my secret than in a city. Something about people in the boonies taking things more at face value," she said this all matter-of-factly, almost quietly.

"That and his company moved him to the plant out there."

"He requested the transfer," was her reply to the question I'd only partially asked.

"I never knew."

"Well, now you know. Next time I'm out to visit Matt we'll have to get together."

"Wait, you and Matt?" The thought blew my mind. Sure, Matt had been a member of our little role playing group for years, but I never though that he was interested in the bookish Julie.

The other end of the line was quiet for so long that I thought we might have been disconnected. I looked at the screen to verify there was still a connection. There was, and just as I was about to talk, Julie began again.

"You can't tell him, Ok, Jackie? He doesn't know about me."

"Why haven't you told him?"

"You know Matt."

"Actually, I do know Matt. I've known Matt since the two of us were in pre-school. He was the reason that there were no bullies in our high school, did you know that? He just…made sure that everyone was taken care of."

"What about Felix?" She asked. Felix had made many of the girls at our school uncomfortable for a bit at the beginning of our junior year. There were even rumors about his extracurricular activities, none of which were proven.

"Felix only took about two weeks before what Matt was saying finally got through to him."

"But…"

"You knew that Felix's dad beat him while his mom watched? Matt was there when the police took him to jail. Then, he made sure that Felix was safe in the home they moved him to."

"I never knew that."

"Course not. You were a girl. You weren't a part of the cleanup squad as he called us. Well, mostly it was the football players, but I sort of tagged along."

"Yeah, how did he keep the football players from being meatheads?" Julie asked.

"Convinced the coach to have all of them sign a morality contract. If they broke any part of it they got kicked from the team."

"Jackie, this is no fair. You know him better than I do. All I want to do now is call him and tell him how much…how much I love him."

"Tell him the other thing, as well."

"Not over the phone, Jackie."

"Then when?"

"I'm going to be out there for Halloween. We'll both tell him then."

I stopped talking and just thought about it. I wanted to protest, but that would be doing exactly what I'd just talked Julie out of. Something occurred to me.

"Why haven't you had your surgery?" I asked her.

"Well, um…I don't have the money and my insurance won't cover it."

"How much does it cost?"

"The doctor I talked to said it would be $25,000. I could go out of the country for less, but I really don't feel comfortable doing that."

I sat there for a moment thinking. I was planning on continuing to work through my schooling. A couple of hours once a week wasn't cutting into any of my study time. I enjoyed finding stuff in the storage lockers. I was hooked to the rush of it all. Money for the last big haul I'd had was still coming in as the antiques dealer sold the goods. I was set.

"Julie, would you be mad if I offered you a loan of $25,000? I want to give this to you, since I can't get it yet on my own."

I could hear her begin to cry on the other end of the line. "I can't take your schooling away from you."

"It isn't, Jules. It is beyond the cost for all five years of school. And I'm still working."

"You have…"

"A lot. Found a really good job," I said with a grin.

"I don't know what to say…"

"Then say yes, for me, ok? It is a purely selfish request."

"Then yes. I say yes. I'll get the surgery scheduled for after Halloween. I'll be able to tell Matt that not only am I who I am…but I am going to be getting surgery to correct my little birth defect."

I smiled through my tears. I was so jealous of her in that moment. Jealous of her happiness that was denied me for the time being. We spoke for another half an hour, and then she had to go. I was smiling when I got off the phone with her.

I'd gotten her details while we were on the phone with each other, and so I went looking for an app I'd heard about. A download and a couple of clicks later and I'd done my first wire transfer.

I felt so black hat. I snorted at the thought a moment later and dialed my home number.

"Hello, Mom."

"Honey?"

"I have a lot to talk about. Sorry I haven't called regularly."

And I began to share everything that had happened to me since I came to school. I went into more depth than I had at any point previously. I talked about my thoughts and feelings. And I talked about Brad. Especially about Brad. When I got done, my mom's response was nothing like I'd expected it to be."

"Don't worry if the first guy you set your sights on doesn't have the same feelings for you that you have for him. You are a beautiful young lady and some day you'll find someone who will see that."

"Mom!"

"What did you want me to say? That I forbid you from doing this? You are an adult, Jackie. That means you make your own decisions. I choose to be a part of your life, whatever that means to me. Am I perfectly alright with this? No. To tell you the truth, Jackie, it freaks me out a bit. It is so far outside my world. But I will support you, and treat you like the young lady you believe that you are." She paused for a few moments and then continued, "besides, young lady, I've got eighteen years of motherly advice to make up for with my new daughter."

"Your only daughter, you mean."

"Exactly. Now, something I'd never tell my daughter, but I'll tell you, is that you know how boys think, or at least should. They are independent, pig headed, and don't tend to take advice well. Give Brad time, honey. Don't push him. Let him process all of this. Oh, and make sure that you are ready before you have sex with him. I know how…exciting…first love can be. He's going to pressure you eventually. If he can't respect your wishes to wait, then he isn't worth respect."

"And there are always other boys where he came from?"

"Oh, I hope not. Honey, you will have your heart broken more than once in this life. He may be the one, but there are still times he will break your heart. Part of being a woman is realizing that we were put her to make relationships work. No, I'm not talking about staying in a bad relationship. I'm talking of all the little things that a woman does. We can make them want to stay forever or run for the hills."

"You make it sound like we have all the power."

"No, but we have an equal amount of it. The problem is that most guys are passive in their approach to a relationship. Sure, if they want something out of it, then they can be really attentive. Girls are active in their response to a relationship."

"That seems so…"

"Backwards? Of course it is. Our society makes the men take the active role because that is how women see each partners role in a relationship and it makes them feel loved. Same thing about women taking a passive role. The problem is when they relax after the initial courtship and expect the romance to continue."

"So…you are telling me it's my job to keep the romance alive in my relationships?"

"No, it's your job to gently remind your partner that you need him to woo you."

I smiled, hoping I'd be able to do so.

"Thanks, mom."

We spoke for a little while longer, and then said good bye with promises to talk soon.

I made my way home using the buses again. It was so relaxing to take transportation compared to walking to and from the storage facilities.

I saw someone sitting on my bed out of the corner of my eye, and assumed it was my roommate. "Wendy, you'll never believe what happened…"

I stopped up short. Wendy wasn't Wendy.

It was Brad.

"Hey, Jackie. Wendy let me sit here and wait for you."

"Brad?"

"You are a hard person to get in touch with."

I wanted to rush over to him, to throw my arms around him, but my mother's advice came back to me and I just stood there.

"I got a phone." I gave him my number, "I'm available any time that you'd like to call me."

He began to smile and he stood up. "Jackie?"

"Yes, Brad?"

"Are you available now?" he asked with a goofy grin. "Jackie, you are the most wonderful person I've ever known. Man, woman, it doesn't matter to me. I can see you as you were when I first met you, and sometimes I see you that way in my dreams. I can see you as you are now. You are the only person I have ever really loved.

"I know I'll make mistakes, and some day you may come to hate me, but I will do my best to make you happy."

I began to cry and he took me in his arms. He lowered me to the bed and just held me there. I don't know how long we lay there, his strong arms surrounding me. It was an eternity. It was a single moment. All I really knew in that moment what this place was where I was always meant to be.

What was lost…
copyright 2011 Faeriemage
Treasure is in the eye of the beholder, and no this isn't a D&D reference.

---

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Contrary to popular opinion, I never actually finished this story. Too many things were left up in the air. I plan on completing this, but time that I have is limited so it will take a while. Took 5 days to get this one written, which is a lot slower than I normally write.

---

There was a forceful knock on my door and I hurriedly got up and adjusted my clothing before answering it. Not that I was mussed, per se, but that lying on the bed fully clothed was enough for things to have shifted into uncomfortable positions.

That and my jeans were pinching me.

“Can I help..?” I began as I opened the door. The two men standing outside the door shocked me into silence. They were wearing suits that could have come from the same rack let alone the same store and the badges they presented looked official.

“I’m Agent Franklin, and this is Agent Blitz, from the ATF can we come in?”

I stepped out of the way of the door as I gestured for them to enter, “This is about the cannon I found?”

“Cannon?” Brad exclaimed.

“I’ll tell you about it later,” I said with a small smile, “I assume you are here to take possession of it?”

They looked at me as if I were insane.

The confusion I felt most likely suffused my features, “Aren’t you?”

“We’re just here to ask a few questions about it. Are you aware that it’s illegal to own an unregistered firearm of this type?”

“I never wanted it in the first place. How was I to know I needed to register it. How much is that going to cost?”

“That’s not the point,” Agent Blitz said, “you don’t have a Federal Firearms License, we checked.”

“So, I can’t own it, how about I just sell it to someone who has this license?”

“You have to have a license to sell it…”

“Look, boys,” Brad said standing right behind me, “Obviously you have something to say here, so spit it out.”

“Your girlfriend is breaking the law.”

“Really?” He said with a little sneer, “in what way?”

“She owns a cannon.”

“I see, and did you purchase a cannon, Jackie?” I turned to look up at him, but his eyes never once left the agents in front of us.

“I purchased a storage locker, sight unseen that had a cannon in it.”

“Did you try to conceal this fact at any point?”

“No, I called the police immediately. My statement is on record.”

“So, how is she breaking the law?”

“then we’ll just have to take it off your hands,” the first agent said.

“Actually, I can’t let you do that. You see, I’m currently storing your property for you. There is a usage fee you would have to pay first.”

“A what?” All three of them said at the same time.

“I spent money to acquire that storage locker, so for the time being it is mine. That being said, I do not own the cannon in the storage locker, which I acknowledge to belong to the ATF as you two gentlemen have so kindly informed me. So, as soon as we settle up the usage fee, I’ll be glad to release it to you.”

Agent Franklin got a sneer on his face and said, “How much is this usage fee, little girl.”

“$100.” I said calmly.

Agent Franklin reached for his wallet and began counting money.

“You can’t be serious,” Agent Blitz exclaimed.

“Per day,” I said, my voice going cold.

“There is no way we’re going to agree to this,” Agent Franklin said.

“I think you already agreed that her usage fee was fair when you pulled out your wallet, Agent Franklin,” Brad said.

They huffed something about jail time and left. My first call was to the storage facility. I made sure that the manager was okay with me renting out the space.

“With the publicity that the news brought me, I can let you keep the space for the next few weeks for just the hundred you already gave me,” he said. I smiled and hung up. My next call, to the ATF, would likely be a little more nerve wracking.

“I need to determine if you actually have a couple of agents working for you,” were the first words out of my mouth as soon as I was put through.

It took half an hour, most of it on hold, but eventually I discovered that indeed these were actually agents of the ATF. That was about the time that my legs gave out and Brad caught me. He carried me over to the bed and lay me down into it. “Are you alright?”

“I just called out the government.”

“Well, one small part of it,” he said with a grin.

“Are you done in here screwing tall and...oh, sorry, let me come back,” Wendy said. She’d taken a couple of steps into the room without looking and done a U-Turn and headed out all in the space it took her to make that short statement.

“Wait, there is no...anything going on here,” I said blushing.

“Then can I?” she said looking Brad up and down.

“Wendy!” I said, shocked.

“He is cute, Jackie, you go girl.”

I blushed again as Brad put his arms around me. The clock on my desk fairly screamed the time and I pushed my way out of Brad’s arms. After the episode last week where I got my three inch heels stuck in the Muddy ground and almost tripped right into the mouth of...never mind. I was going to wear something more sensible this week. I wanted to wear a T-Shirt.

“What is it,” he asked.

“Game.” I said, still trying to figure out the best gear to fight monsters in.

“Come on, Wendy, I don’t think either of us need to see this right now.”

“Game?”

“She’s with the Game Grrlz.”

“Wow, I had no idea that I was rooming with a goddess among women.” Wendy said with a smile. It could have been more of a smirk, but I don’t really know. Something else had my attention at the time.

“Yep, so while she gets dress…” he shut the door behind him. I mentally thanked him as I continued to go through my clothing to find the right top for the occasion. While I was at it I slipped into a pair of baggier jeans. I needed to be able to move.

I finished dressing and went out into the hallway to look for Brad. He was sitting with his back to the wall next to the door and smiled up at me when I came into view.

“Miss me?” I said with a smile.

He climbed quickly to his feet and put his arms around me. There was only a moment or two where I wondered what was happening and then he kissed me. It wasn’t the soul penetrating kiss that I wanted, but it was a nice chaste kiss on the lips and I couldn’t help but smile into it.

“You know, if you wouldn’t mind ditching your game…”

I swatted him on the arm and he laughed. We left the dorms and made the, much shorter, walk across campus to Carla’s dorm. There was a certain amount of disappointment in me when we arrived, but Brad gave me a quick peck on the lips and left me there. The kiss was enough to smother any feelings of loss I might have, I was an independant woman after all.

“I hope you don’t have plans for the 31st,” Carla said as soon as I entered the room.

“Hello to you too,” I said with a little smile. Carla was vivacious, but tonight it more seemed like something was bothering her. Sadie and Katie were there and each of them had a cat in the cream smile.

“The 31st...please have no plans.”

“I have no plans for the 31st. What’s the 31st?”

“Besides Halloween? Some dances, a few parties, you know, the normal things,” Katie said, still smiling.

With everything that had been going on in my life I’d completely forgotten about Halloween. My old group used to throw a serious Halloween party once a year. We all came in costume and it always seemed that half the school got invited somehow.

Judging from Carla’s glare at Katie, I doubted this was about a party.

“We were invited to The Game this year.”

“What’s The Game?” I said at the same time as I heard a squeal from Jasmine behind me.

“We got in?” she said and began this whole happy girl dance that somehow I got dragged into against my will.

Who am I kidding? Of course I was bouncing and hugging with them, I just had no idea what we were celebrating.

“So, again, what’s The Game?” I say, no less confused for the goofy grin on my face. Sometimes it is more fun to be a girl than others.

“The game, young Jackie, is only the event of the year for all of the gaming groups on campus. It’s not LARP per se, but it is something we will physically doing.”

“This is a campus sponsored event?”

“No, this is put on every year by the greeks. Mostly the sororities. The football players always have a team, of course, but so do all of the other sports teams.”

“Wait, MIT has sports teams?” I exclaimed. It must have been funny because everyone else laughed and after a moment or two I joined in.

“Yes, we have sports teams. Our mascot is the Engineer.”

“I should have guessed,” I said ruefully.

“Anyway, we get together, do obstacle courses, solve logic puzzles, run as fast as we can, and try to get the best time overall...all while in Halloween costumes.”

“You’re kidding, right?” I said.

“It’ll be fun, besides, we have an advantage most of the other teams lack?” Jasmine had a gleam in her eye.

“What’s that,” I asked innocently.

“Girl’s costumes cover basically nothing.”

“That’s an advantage?”

“It is when you really want to move.”

For some reason I thought they were forgetting something, especially since most of the really sexy outfits I’d tried so far as a girl might cover barely anything, but that didn’t mean that they allowed for a lot of movement, but I smiled and went along with it.

I wondered, briefly, how Brad would react to it. Maybe, if he was really good, I’d give him a preview of whatever costume I decided on…

Over the past month, we’d fought three loup-garou. Not one of them had been a local and that worried me.

“Are you about done in there with your primping,” Yaz called from the other side of her house. She lived in a nice colonial home somewhere between MIT and Harvard, somehow I’d never once arrived here conscious and when I left it was always with a purpose so the exact address never stuck in my mind.

“Not my fault that you suck at your saving throws,” Yaz taunted.

“Not my fault that I was monologuing,” I replied.

“You monologue out loud,” Sadi complained and the rest of us laughed.

“Can we go out and hunt, can we, can we can we,” Katie almost panted from the front door and I just had to laugh. Initial impressions aside I think that Katie is a closet nudist.

You talk more than I do.

“Sorry,” I said to the ceiling. It never does to piss of your goddess, even if she is benevolent...mostly.

The other girls threw the aquarium pebbles we were using as fate points at me. I gathered them up with a little smile and said “Thank you,” in as snarky a way possible. We all laughed and got down to the serious business of role playing.

Hours later, when we finally wound down and got ready to leave, I found Brad sitting on the floor outside my door.

“Brad?”

“Hey, Jackie. Ready to go?” he said a little sleepily.

“You stayed out here all night?” Carla said in shock and amazement.

“Well, I couldn’t have her walking home alone,” he said, but his yawn betrayed him. He was tired, and barely on his feet. I couldn’t help it. A grin erupted on my face and moved next to him and slipped one of his arms around my shoulders.

“Come on, du Lac. Let’s get you home and in bed,” I said to him, hoping it was just to him.

I felt more than saw him shaking his head. He made some sound of negation before he said, “I made a promise to you. None of that until you are made whole...you know...there.”

“Did he just say what I think he said?” Jasmine said.

“I think that Brad just told you he would wait for whenever you’re ready to have sex,” Sadie said in a little bit of awe.

“Mostly I think he’s just trying to prove he isn’t gay,” I said with a little self derisive chuckle.

Jasmine walked over to me and really quietly whispered in my ear, “It’s because he is in love with you, Girl. I’m so jealous of you right now.”

The glow that erupted within me just couldn’t be contained. Somewhere, I knew that was the real reason, but I wanted to think the worst of Brad’s reasoning. I wanted to protect myself from any possible hurt that he could cause me. This feeling when someone confirmed my innermost hopes gave lie to the reasoning that I’d built for myself like a house of cards.

We made our way across campus to his house. I began to worry about how I was going to get myself home when Brad spoke.

“Stay with me tonight,” his voice almost pleaded at me.

“Brad…”

“Come on, Jackie. You can sleep on the couch. I don’t want you walking across campus alone at this time of the morning.”

“Brad, it’s sweet of you to say, but I don’t think I can do that. It would be a little wierd sleeping there on the couch in what used to be my old place.”

“then sleep in your old room. We could get some sheets out and make up the bed. We haven’t found anyone, yet, who could take your place.”

“It’s good to know I’m not easily replaced.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he said with a smirk.

“Why did you sit outside the door all night?”

“Because I was stupid and I wanted to make it up to you.”

“By making me walk you’re sleepy ass home?” I laughed after saying it.

“Well, I admit that I didn’t really think it all the way through. I never thought you girls would play for nine hours.”

“Why do you think that Sadie stayed over those times? It wasn’t to see…”

There had been something important I’d been about to say, I was sure of it, but his lips interrupted my train of thought. We were standing there, his body heat keeping away the chill of the night. Unlike the last time we kissed at the house, he never pushed me into anything. He wasn’t trying to prove anything with this kiss. He was just thoroughly kissing me.

“Stay with me tonight?” he said quietly as he looked me in the eyes. All I could do was mutely nod at him and we continued on our way. We were another hundred yards closer to his home before I stopped.

“You can’t do that, Brad.”

“Do what?”

“Ask me serious questions after kissing me like that.”

“Wha..?”

“I’m serious, that was a really cheap trick. I’d have agreed to anything at that moment, and you knew it.”

“Well, ok, maybe I did, but I’m just complicating your life and I thought that if you stayed over at my place it would simplify things a little, at least for one night.”

“See, Brad, if you’d just said that in the first place instead of trying to manipulate me…”

Again I sort of list everything that I’d been about to say. He pulled back from me sooner this time that he had before and I just looked up into his eyes as he smiled down at me. “I’m sorry.”

“Now that was an apology,” I said with a smile, a bit dazed from his kiss, “but don’t think this gets you entirely off the hook, mister.”

“Never. I’ve made mistakes by you, Jackie. I have a lot to make up for that. I know I can never erase my previous bad behavior, but I hope that going forward I can at least replace it with good?”

“You hurt me, Brad. I love you...but there are parts of you that I hate.”

“You…”

I don’t think that Brad was alone in being tired that morning, so I just smiled at him. He kissed me again but didn’t tell me he loved me. I could live with that.

We began walking again but I was a lot more comfortable with him, and the silence felt like a warm blanket and not as oppressive as it had in the past.

“I’ll stay the night at your place, Brad, but don’t plan on this being a regular occurrence.”

“No, ma’am,” he said with a broad grin on his face. It was moments like this that helped me realize I hadn’t ever really been a boy. It’s strange how you can go through life as though nothing is wrong, just because you are who you are.

I think it takes some jarring moment of disconnect for us to truly understand who we are. Catching yourself in a moment of distraction in a mirror, talking to someone who takes the time to really listen and make intelligent responses, or even just really comparing yourself to the people around you are all ways in which this can happen.

We don’t take the time, I think, to really understand ourselves. We allow society to define who we should be, and when we don’t fit we consider it a problem with us not with society, even though society is usually the messed up one.

“You’re awfully quiet.”

“Just thinking about how societal roles define who we believe ourselves to be to our detriment.”

He laughed and hugged me and I smiled. We finally got home from our walk and he was true to his word, making my bed for me while I just watched him. More than anything he’d done for me today, I felt loved by this simple act of service he performed for me.

I lay down in the bed and he tucked me in and I just giggled at him.

“Night, Brad.”

“Night, Jackie.”

It is funny how anything, and in that I include dressing as a girl, can become routine. My appearance had faded into the background by Tuesday afternoon when I went into the hospital again. Dr. Childs took some blood, and chatted with me about my moods and general feeling of well-being then I went up to discuss my issues with my other Doctor.

We chatted and I went home. The rest of the week was the same, which is to say it was all so very normal. I spent time each day with Brad, did my homework, went to classes, and did my best to eat the food that Wendy kept piling on my food tray in a good natured manner.

Thursday was a change in my normal routine. I’d finished class for the afternoon and was working on my homework when my phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Jackie. This is Landon. Do you have plans tomorrow night?” I was trying to remember if Brad and I had anything planned, and wondered what he was asking for.

“Nothing I can think of. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I thought that it had been too long since I’d seen you last. Would you consider that date I promised you earlier?”

I felt torn. On the one hand neither Brad nor I had promised any exclusivity, but I think there was something implied in the fact that we were seeing each other so frequently. On the other hand, here was this really good looking older guy who was actively pursuing me. It made me feel beautiful in a way that even clothes and makeup never could.

It made me feel desired and desirable. Sure, Brad kissed me, but he never really pursued me.

“I’m sort of in a committed relationship right now.”

“Well, Jackie. You need to decide. You either are in a committed relationship, in which case I won’t offer again, or you’re not. Don’t get me wrong, I think you are a wonderful girl, what little I know about you. I’m not going to take you from someone else. I have too much respect for the both of us to even consider that.”

“Then for now, I am. Sorry,” I said. I really did feel sorry for him. He seemed to be a great guy, and was really hot, but I owed it to myself to find out about Brad first.

I looked at the clock and realized that he’d be out of class by now. He had a later class than I did on Thursdays. There was a bounce in my step as I walked across the campus. I’d chosen him, my Brad, and I was now going to see him. This wasn’t something that was happening to me, but it was something I was making a choice about.

I still had a key and so I let myself into the house and slipped into the back where Brad’s room was.

“Brad, I…” I began, but could get no further. I’d never seen that much skin before in my life. Sure, I’d seen myself naked, but this wasn’t just one person, and you never get the full impact seeing yourself in just a mirror. There was something a lot more visceral about this.

There was screaming and the girl whose face I hadn’t yet seen was trying unsuccessfully to cover herself with her hands while gathering her clothing at the same time.

“This isn’t what it looks like,” she said and for the first time I recognized who it was.

“Jasmine?”

“Brad’s just a boy, Jackie. He has needs and I thought that as a friend…” I put my hand up and she shut up.

“Boys have needs, do they Brad?”

“Jackie…”

“Oh no you don’t,” I said coldly to him. My first impulse, quickly squashed, had been to run from the room crying. “Get dressed, we need to talk.” I turned to look at Jasmine. “Jasmine, would you mind getting dressed in the bathroom.”

“But what if someone else…”

I just glared at her and she meekly left the room. I shut the door behind her and waited for Brad to get dressed. I’d dreamed about how he looked without his clothing. I’d thought there would be a special moment for us in the future, some moment when the two of us would be naked with each other for the first time.

He’d just had his moment with Jasmine instead.

“Jackie…”

“Oh, no. You don’t get to speak. You get to listen, and when I’m done I’m leaving.”

“Jackie…”

“Shut up, Brad. You know what hurts the most? IT’s the fact that you lied to me about being a virgin.”

“But I was…”

“The operative word here is ‘was’ Brad. One year. One short little year and you and I could have been together in whatever way you wanted. Instead, you decided to have meaningless sex with one of my friends because you could.”

He opened his mouth to speak again and I just glared. I think, for the first time, he realized how pissed I was at him.

“Don’t call me, Brad. Don’t stop by my dorm. Don’t you dare ever show up to take me to the game. We’re through, Brad.”

I turned to leave, and then a thought occurred to me, “I really liked you, Brad. I’m not going to miss being with you, I’m not going to miss the relationship we had, but I am going to miss the relationship that I thought we had. One where we were equals and had some hope for the future.

“Brad, I know you’re going to get over me. You strike me as that sort of guy. I’m never going to get over what we could have had.”

“I could change, I could fix this…”

“Ours was a relationship based on trust and truth. We can’t ever get that back, because somewhere inside I would always be worried that you’d cheat on me again.”

“You don’t know what it’s like, Jackie. It’s not like anyone else…” he closed his mouth with a snap and shut up.

“No one else would ever want me? Is that what you were about to say? Brad, I was asked out on a date this afternoon. I thought I already was in a relationship so I told him so. He accepted my response. Well, guess I was wrong about a lot of things. Good bye, Brad.”

I left the room and closed the door behind me. Jasmine leapt to her feet when I got to the living room.

“Jackie…”

“Jasmine, please tell Carla why I’ll not be at this week’s game.”

“Why…”

I just looked at her until she said, “Oh, right.”

It was only after I’d left and was halfway across campus that I realized that I had no desire to cry about Brad or his treatment of me. All the tears I had for that boy had been cried out. All the unhappiness he could cause me had already been inflicted. I’m sure that there would be sadness still to come, but I wouldn’t cry.

There wasn’t any need anymore.

I got out my tablet from my purse and dialed the number.

“Hi, Jackie.”

“How did you...oh caller ID. Right. Um, Landon? Is the offer of a date still open.”

“Not if this is some sort of revenge thing for an imagined slight.”

“He was screwing another woman when I walked into his room.”

“I’m not a rebound, Jackie.”

“What?”

“I’m not going to be your rebound guy. I’m not into cheap sex and meaningless relationships.”

“You think that...no, that’s not what this is about. Sorry, I’m still a bit angry about what I walked in on, mostly at myself more than anything, or anyone, else.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Yes, no...I don’t know.”

“How about this? Let’s go out tomorrow, we’ll talk about our horrible exes, get reasonably smashed, and I’ll get you home with your virtue intact. We can be friends for right now.”

“I could use a few less ‘friends’.”

“Pardon?”

“He was in bed with one of my friends.”

“Oh, ouch. I’m really sorry to hear that. You’re not planning murder, are you?”

“Not in reality. My character might try to kill hers…”

“Character?”

“We’re in the same role playing group.”

“You can tell me all about it tomorrow.”

“It’s a date.”

“Jackie, we’re just meeting as friends.”

“Landon, I want to date you. I’m calm about this. You tell me I need time, fine, but whatever you call tomorrow, I’m calling it a date.”

He sighed on the other end of the line and I smiled, “ok, fine. It’s a date.”

We hung up and I went back to my room to find Wendy. There was some chocolate ice cream with my name on it in the cafeteria.

What was lost…
copyright 2013 Faeriemage
Treasure is in the eye of the beholder, and no this isn't a D&D reference.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Last chapter I got a note from someone more in the know than I was. I do appreciate these sorts of notes, but if you could PM them to me in the future I would prefer to receive criticisms like that there than in the comments.

Going forward, I will be making use of the note that was left for me. I am always open to correction when I am wrong.

Thank you all for reading!

Also, artistic liberty was taken in the description of objects later in this chapter.

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Wendy and I went to the cafeteria in our PJs again. It was becoming our thing, especially in the evening. Well, not our meaning Wendy and I but our as in all of the dorms around this particular cafeteria. In one week we had gone from a group of random individuals to a sort of collective.

A lot of the girls purchased sleepwear similar to Wendy’s and mine. I’m not sure where the trend came from, but I have to personally believe it was Wendy. She is just one of those girls that fill up a room with her personality no matter how big or packed the room is.

“Hey, Wendy,” Jon said slipping in next to her.

“Hey Jon, Hey Tim,” she said with her megawatt smile.

They were both wearing the boy ‘uniform’ of flannel pants and tank tops. Tim had his normal smile for me, and I did my best to return one to him.

“Hey, guys,” I said.

“What’s up, Jackie. Sounds like you just lost your best friend or something.”

“I broke up with my boyfriend today,” I said matter-of-factly.

“Really!” Tim said, his entire face lighting up with the smile that suddenly appeared there.

“Down boy,” Wendy said.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I mean, Jackie here is the most beautiful girl in the freshman class. Everyone knows it. You define fashion.”

“What are you talking about?” I said a little confused.

“Look around you, girl,” Wendy said, “People follow your lead.”

“No, that’s you, Wendy. You are so alive…”

“If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t even be wearing this,” she said pulling the top away from her chest by pinching the material with a couple of fingers from each hand.

“But other people…”

“You are a queen, and you hold court in here every day,” Wendy replied.

“I’m not popular,” I began to say when a girl walked by our table.

“Hey, Jackie.”

“Hey, Amy, how’s your mom doing?”

“Better. Thanks.”

“Great. I’m happy to hear it. See you later?”

“Sure,” she said giving me a little finger wave, “Bye, Wendy,” she said as she walked away. Tim, Jon and Wendy began to laugh.

“What?” I said in confusion.

“You don’t even know, do you,” Tim said in a little wonder.

“Know what?” None of this really seemed to make sense.

“Jackie, you care about people,” Wendy said to me with a smile.

“Everybody cares about the people around them.”

Tim snorted at this in derision, “Jackie, no offense, but people care about their family and friends. They worry about the people directly around them.”

“He’s right, Jackie,” Jon said with a smile, “most people just don’t have the time for everyone around them. They limit who they care about so that they can more efficiently spread their limited energies around.”

“But, the only limit we truly have it time,” I say, still confused.

Wendy gave me a hug, “and that’s why people love you, hon.”

“I just don’t understand,” I said. Tim and Jon were just smiling at me and Wendy shook her head slightly.

“That is just a good part of your charm,” Wendy said.

I just shook my head and smiled at the trio. They laughed and I excused myself. On my way out of the hall I greeted four or five other people I knew. After that I began laughing at myself. I hadn’t greeted everyone in that room that I knew. Taking a last look as I left the room, I realized that I knew probably half of the people there. Well, let me rephrase that. I knew half of their first names. The rest I knew a smattering of where they lived, last names, or their roommates names.

I knew them. It wasn’t Wendy who knew them.

Maybe she had a point. I took myself to bed and tucked myself in. That was likely the best I could expect for the next little, or long, while.

The Skype ringtone woke me at four in the morning.

“Hello?” I said blearily.

“Jackie, where are you?”

“Morning, Stan. I’m at home in bed.”

“Well, you should be at Arcadia Premier Storage,” he said.

“Arcadia doesn’t do auctions.”

That was an understatement. Arcadia was one of those mythical places for people like Stan and me. In August I never would have believed that I would have known anything about storage facilities.

Now…

Arcadia was one of those places that does things its own way. They charged their customers a ‘moving deposit’ when they signed up for service. This deposit was used to move the stored material to the address that they listed when they signed up for service.

“So, why wasn’t the stuff moved?”

“That is the million dollar question.”

“Which is why I asked.”

“No, I meant that literally. The locker was insured for a million dollars. There was some mess with the probate of somebody’s will. It’s actually the court that is requiring the auction.”

“Wait...you mean..?”

“Yes, the proceeds of the auction are to be split by the various named individuals in the will.”

“You mean the previous owner of the locker wanted it auctioned?”

“He did.”

“But, this could be a trick of some sort. Some elaborate hoax on the part of an eccentric.”

“You want to take that chance?”

I leaped out of bed and threw my clothing on even as I continued to talk to Stan. “How long do I have?”

“About an hour.”

“I’ll be there.”

I threw a brush through my hair as I walked out the door to meet the Taxi that I called as soon as I got off the line with Stan. While I sat in the back of the car, I did something that I never did. I logged into my bank and checked my balance.

It had to be wrong, so I called the bank. They confirmed what I was seeing. My next call was for Edgar.

“This can’t be right. Your quote…”

“Was an estimate. I had an appraisal of the value of the sets. Not only were these sets of furniture they were actual sets of furniture. The same craftsman actually made all of the furniture in that locker.”

“You mean..?”

“I mean, Jackie, that it wasn’t a few sets of furniture, but one set.”

“But, if it was sold as one set…”

“I only took my cut once. That is yours. I made a deal with you. I thought of taking a bigger cut, but then it wouldn’t have been fair to you. You negotiated that deal with me in good faith.”

“But, Edgar…”

“No whining, Jackie. Take your money and get back to me later with more of it.”

“Fine, I’m going to pay you back, though. I’m not sure how, but I will.”

“Later, Jackie,” he said with a laugh.

I walked into the storage center and followed the sound of voices. My breath sounded loud in my own ears. Stan waved to me, but his smile told me all I needed to know. He thought he had this all wrapped up. My poker face was good enough that I didn’t even smirk back at him.

“It’s now 5:20 AM on October 26th, two thousand twelve. We will open the bidding on space number 2121 at one thousand dollars. Who will bid one thousand dollars?”

I think we were all shocked at how low the price was. Could it be that we were all wrong? It had, after all, been insured for a million. I expected it to open at at least a hundred thousand.

The thought that I was thinking it as ‘only’ at the time made me laugh out loud, “We had a bid for one thousand from the woman in the red jacket.”

It got serious after that. The auctioneer was slow and deliberate, making offers that we matched or not.

“Fifty,” called out one of the old hands from the back of the area.

“Who will make it thirty-five?” said the Auctioneer.

I held up five fingers as I raised my hand.

“Forty?” he said and I nodded.

“Forty from the woman in red.”

And on it went, this back and forth. By ones and fives it raised up slowly. I had the bid at ninety when Stan raised two hands the fingers out.

“The gentleman in the bowler for one hundred thousand dollars. And from here we shall begin in increments of ten thousand. Objections?”

There were none, and we began again. It raised not much faster as now we were afraid to raise more than a finger. The auction was increasing each time for amounts greater than most auctions even went for.

When we reached two hundred thousand I could feel my heart begin to pound. Was this simply gambling and the rush that I was staying in for now, or was this something else. I hadn’t even taken time to consider whether I actually wanted this one.

Stan went to two ten and suddenly it hit me. The manner in which it was being auctioned. The short notice. There was something here. Something special.

Whether or not it was two hundred thousand special, I didn’t know.

Well, as long as I kept the fifty-five that I started with, then I would be fine. I could always start over again.

I raised a hand, with five fingers outstretched.

“Two sixty…”

I raised a single finger and pushed it up.

“Two hundred seventy thousand dollars to the woman in red.”

Three more of the men threw their hands up and walked out. Stan looked at me with one eyebrow raised and I shrugged at him. Then I grinned.

He raised a hand with five fingers raised.

“Three hundred twenty thousand.”

I raised both of my hands, fingers splayed, closed them, and then opened them again.

The auctioneer just looked at me. I smiled and nodded, again twice.

“This is a bit, unprecedented today. We have an offer for five hundred twenty thousand dollars.”

I smiled at him, the warm feeling I had begun to feel suffusing my entire body. Stan looked at me like I was insane. He looked up at the ceiling. I nodded. He looked up again. I nodded again.

He shook his head and walked out.

“Do I hear five-hundred thirty thousand dollars?”

If it went no higher, I still had enough left over for school and food left in my account. I still had some leeway if it went higher, but I had a feeling it wouldn’t.

One by one all of the other bidders left. When they did, Stan walked back to stand beside me.

“I wanted to be here for the reveal.”

“I probably owe half of whatever this is to you.”

“Nah, you are a shrewd bidder. This is yours. You deserve it.”

“Sold to the woman in red for five-hundred twenty thousand dollars. My card, miss. Please have cash or bond made available to me within the next twenty-four hours.”

I took the card and glanced at it before putting it into my bag.

“If I may do the honors,” the man said, and turned the key in the lock.

“You know what it is?”

“I don’t,” the man said. “I know little more than you do. I know the piece was insured using redacted documents. Apparently the man didn’t want anyone to know what it was, and so he picked auctions of similar pieces of jewelry to give an approximate value.”

“You think it’s jewelry?”

“Well, a piece including gemstones of some sort.”

“Stay with us. You can see what it is when we do.”

He smiled at me and stepped back from the lock after opening the door. I stepped in and my breath caught in my throat. There was a single object in the room.

That isn’t exactly true. There was a museum quality display case in the room. It was made out of polished cherry wood with three miniature spot lights focused to a single point on the black velvet cushion.

The sides were glass that even I could tell from here were at least an inch thick.

What caught the attention, however, was the object lying there, half opened. There was an enamel heart suspended in the middle of it. There seemed to be seams on the enamel heart, but what exactly they were for, I couldn’t tell.

The outside of it was studded in diamonds surrounding pearls and the panels were a red and white diamond pattern. It was the most beautiful egg shaped object I had ever seen...and it was mine.

“Do you know what that is?” The auctioneer said from beside me.

“An egg?”

He walked forward and examined the base of the object, then he took out his phone and began a quick search.

“No, this can’t be.” the auctioneer said, almost in agony.

“What?” Stan said.

“That is a Faberge egg.”

I looked a bit confused at him.

“Basically it’s a really expensive Easter egg,” Stan said as if that explained everything.

“It is a work of art is what it is, a piece of the heritage of Russia...and this one, if I don’t mistake my guess is one of the lost ones.”

“Lost,” I said even more confused.

“Off all of the eggs made under the Faberge auspices, eight of those made have been lost to history. Some may have been destroyed. This one...is likely the Mauve egg. there aren’t even any pictures of this one.”

“How would we know it is actually the Mauve egg?”

“May I?” he said gesturing toward the case.

I nodded, a little mystified. He walked over and opened the case. Using a handkerchief he took from his pocket he carefully opened up the heart into what looked like a three leaf clover. There were three hand painted pictures in the three leaves.

“Unless this is simply a cunning reproduction, and even then it could be worth millions, this is...priceless.”

Stan began to quietly chuckle. “Well, isn’t this a fine monkey’s paw.”

“No, it’s beautiful,” I said. Never would I have purchased something like this if I’d been able to see into this room beforehand. I had purchased it, however. Sure it would clean me out, but I owned this. This was something that was mine and mine alone, a truly unique piece of history and art.

“You two can’t tell anyone about this,” I said quietly.

The auctioneer looked at me appraisingly, “I just want to be able to look at it occasionally.”

“Just you?”

“Just me.”

“This is the best story I’ll never be able to tell. Imagine, finding this thing in a storage locker. And I thought the chandelier was a good one.”

“Stan…”

“No worries, Jackie. No one would believe me without proof, and why would I provide the proof.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, then something occurred to me.

“How am I going to move it?”

“Oh, that’s easy. This space is paid up for the next three years. You were buying the previous owners contract as much as you were buying the contents.”

We left that smallish room and I locked the steel door behind us. It seemed so flimsy a barrier to contain what it did.

I pulled out the business card and looked at the man’s name.

“Mr. Greer, could you come down to my bank with me? I’d feel more comfortable not carrying that much money around with me through the city.”

“And here I was hoping you would have to default. Then I would be able to sell it at a real auction. You realize what sort of commission I lost out on with this one? I get one percent of every sale. The last Faberge egg to go up at auction brought in almost fourteen and a half million dollars.”

I tried to wrap my head around the fact that I likely owned something worth even a fraction of that amount. The one percent that Mr. Greer was talking about was over a hundred thousand dollars.

We got the money out of my bank when it opened at nine. I was still reeling at the thought that even the huge sum I was handy over was paltry compared to that object.

The rest of the day went by in a daze. I got nothing out of any of my classes and a number of my teachers just gave up on calling on me to answer questions.

When it was done, I lay down on my bed and just stared up at the ceiling. That is until I felt Wendy shaking me and sounding worried.

“Jackie?”

“It’s alright, Wendy. I’m fine. I’m just a bit in shock.”

“In shock?”

“I spent over five hundred thousand dollars on a storage locker and got something I can’t sell.”

“You lost five hundred thousand dollars today?”

“No, I think I have an asset worth more than that now.”

“you think.”

“Say you got a famous painting, you know like a Van Gogh. You know it’s worth something, but you can’t bear to actually sell it.”

“You bought a Van Gogh?”

“Something like it, in a storage auction.”

“Wow, and you don’t want to tell me what it actually is?”

“I’m afraid that if I talk about it I’ll realize how crazy it sounds and I’ll lose it.”

“And if it’s really worth all that much, you probably don’t have the security necessary to keep it safe. It’s not like you are a museum,” she said.

Her statements sparked something in me, something that would change how I thought about this, but at that moment I caught sight of the time.

“Crap. I have a date in a little over an hour and I have absolutely nothing to wear.”

Wendy began laughing at me and then helped me to get ready. I was just putting the finishing touches on my makeup when there was a knock on my door.

Wendy opened it. “Wow, you get all the good looking guys. What’s your secret?” Landon laughed at this.

“Simple, I’m myself and I don’t even try.”

“Lucky,” she muttered with a smile.

“Wendy, could you stay here for a moment,” I said to stop her from leaving.

She looked questioningly at me.

“I have something to say and want some backup just in case.”

“Are you sure about this,” she said with a questioning look.

“Yes,” I replied.

“This sounds serious,” Landon said with a smile.

“It is my life. It is, and isn’t, serious.”

The smile went away and I began to talk. It was awkward and halting, but it was the truth. I told him who I was now, and who I had been born. I told him what little I knew of the medical truth of things, and my plans for the future.

I talked, all told, for about thirty minutes without him saying a word. When I got to the end, I stopped talking and Wendy came over and sat next to me.

He sat there quietly, and I let him.

“Why did you tell me this?”

“Because right now I am in a controlled environment. Right now nothing has happened other than you styling my hair and asking me on a date. You haven’t invested anything in me. You can cut ties without feeling like a fool.”

“Are you gay?”

“No, I like boys just like any other heterosexual girl.”

He colored slightly but then laughed.

“You know, looking at you there, I see a girl, well two girls if I’m honest.”

“Thank you,” Wendy said with a grin.

Landon laughed at that. “Well, Jackie, I promised to take you out on the town tonight, and I never go back on my promises.”

“You’re not upset?” I asked a little concerned.

“Upset? No. shocked and amazed? Yes, certainly. I’m not personally sure, now, if I’m ready for a relationship with you, but I’d like to find out. So that puts us in the same boat?”

“How’s that,” I asked.

“Well, neither of us is currently ready for a relationship.”

I laughed and stood up from my bed. I grabbed my purse and Landon put his hand at the small of my back to guide me from the room. I didn’t feel it was pushy, or possessive or anything like that. I just felt as though he wanted to make sure I was there, and that we were going in the same direction.

I smiled up at him and he gave me an enigmatic smile.

“What?” I said, a little concerned.

“You realize I’d likely never have known you weren’t born female if you hadn’t told me?”

“Possibly, but what if you’d found out later, like after we kissed or...had sex…” I colored when I said this last part.

“Then I’d have felt betrayed,” he said matter-of-factly.

“With good reason. I would have been lying to you about something fundamental. Like my being married or something like that.”

Landon snorted at that.

We got in his car and drove over to the same restaurant that Sam took me to those weeks ago. Don’t get me wrong, it was a nice place to eat, but I was hoping, a little, to try somewhere new. Maybe next time.

The conversation was pleasant and easy as we drove. There were no expectations on either my part or Landon’s. We were like two old friends catching up on a lifetime of moments.

It was the most relaxed I’d ever been on a date. I had dated as Jake, pretending to be a boy. Most of the dates ended poorly. Not for anything I did or didn’t do, or at least that’s what I tell myself, but more for who and what I was.

There were some dates that went well, one with a girl that later revealed to the whole student body that she was a lesbian, but it takes all sorts.

Mostly it was because I just never felt attracted to the girls I was dating. Sure, I thought that most of them were beautiful, but I never felt anything like what Brad awoke with me the times we’d kissed.

I’d been going through the motions of what was expected at me. Never once did I actually examine my own feelings. Now, however, my feelings were letting me know loud and clear who I was.

I was a girl and damn proud of it.

Landon parked the car and went round to my side to let me out. Not only did he open the door, but he offered me a hand up.

As soon as I was standing his hand went to the small of my back again and I glowed under his attention.

Here he was, still not sure whether he could have a relationship with me and yet he was treating me every inch as the woman I appeared, and presented myself, to be.

“Thank you,” I said quietly as we waited for our turn at the podium.

“for what?”

“For treating me like a woman.”

“As far as I’m concerned you are a woman,” he said warmly.

“But, you said earlier…”

“No, I’m not ready yet. I need to decide whether or not I can deal with what it would mean to be your boyfriend.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Logically, I know you’re a woman. A relationship isn’t only logic. There is a lot of emotion tied up in any relationship, and I want to make sure that mine is in the right place. I’d never want to unintentionally hurt you, let alone intentionally.”

I just smiled at him. He was such a sweet guy and he was trying so hard to understand something that I was trying to just believe I didn’t need to worry about.

We were seated and made more small talk. You know, just talking about anything that came to mind when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Julie said she doesn’t know you.”

“That’s not what she said and you know it, Matt,” I said smiling up at him.

“Landon, this is Matt from back home. Matt this is Landon, a friend of mine.”

“Does he know…” Landon began.

“Who I am? No, and it’s driving him nuts, I can tell.”

“Should I be worried,” Landon said.

“No. Matt had a tendency to stick up for those people who were bullied. He was one of my heroes and I can admit now to having a bit of a crush on him.”

“You had a crush on me? Why didn’t you say something?”

“Because you were Julie’s and besides, it never felt right to me. I just thought it was how you related to someone you looked up to. I never realized it was something more.”

“What girl doesn’t know what a crush is like?” he said with a truly confused look on his face.

“You really can’t guess?” I said. “Nothing about me is familiar in the least?”

“Should you really be taunting him like this, Jackie?” Landon said.

Matt’s eyes grew wide and he did a double take. He just kept looking me up and down, not in a creepy sort of way like some of the male students will, you know, like a piece of meat. No, he was looking at me like I were a work of art that he just couldn’t quite understand.

“Jack...ie? Wow...Julie said you were in town and I immediately put that out of my mind. You look good.”

“Thank you,” I said blushing.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to your date. Landon, nice to meet you. Take care of my girl here. She’s a special one.”

“Oh, don’t I know it.”

Matt walked away and I lifted a questioning eyebrow to Landon.

“What? You are. You are one of the most caring individuals I’ve met.”

“How can you know that. All you have is what I’ve told you. I could be a complete bitch.”

“Unlikely. It’s the way you talk about people. It matters to you whether they’re happy with their lives. You really don’t care how they feel about you as long as they’re happy.”

“How do you know?”

“You told me about yourself before we went on our date.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Jackie, it means everything. You didn’t do it to protect yourself. It might have caused all sorts of problems for you. You could have gone out with me for a while and we could have just had a relationship. You could have waited to tell me until you knew it was getting serious.”

“No, I couldn’t. You’d have been in a relationship with a lie.”

“No, you couldn’t, and that is what’s special about you. No matter how much it might hurt you personally, you think about other people and how to help them.”

Dinner was good, and not just because of of the company, but because of the way he made me feel. I still didn’t think that he was right about me not being ready for another relationship, but for different reasons than yesterday. Today, well, it was more a matter of the fact that I just wasn’t the same girl.

Life had changed. No longer was I losing myself in the womanhood that had sprung itself fully formed on me when I came to college. More, I think, it was the fact that I was accepting who I was, and more than being someone’s...anything I was a woman first and foremost.

Finding that treasure, that lost object of art, had changed me. Landon’s acceptance had completed that transformation.

When he dropped me off that evening, he walked me to the door.

“Thank you, Jackie. That was a wonderful evening.”

“You made it so,” I said demurely.

“No, Jackie, it was you. You are special.”

He kissed me gently and walked away as I stood there, shocked, in front of my door. Eventually I sighed and went in to bed.