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Alternative Reality 1

I tried to open my eyes but had to close them again. Everything was black. I tried to open my eyes. They were so heavy. I did my best to keep them open, but the light hurt them. Everything looked so white. I could see this woman looking down at me saying to wake up. She was calling me Ashley! My name was Ash! I closed my eyes again. I could not keep them open.

I closed my eyes again, and I could hear my mom and dad fighting in the car. I knew they were talking about me. Mom was saying that the school nurse rang and wanted to meet them the next day. She was talking about child services and dad was getting mad. He was looking at mom, trying to calm her down by telling her that they were good parents. Then I saw metal and glass fly all over the place as dad drove into a huge oak tree. I remember screaming and the pain as it felt like I was being torn apart and there were so much pain and noise of twisted metal, broken glass and screaming.

I opened my eyes and remembered I have been in a car accident with my parents. I was not in pain, but my body felt so heavy and stiff. Everything was white around me and I slowly realized that I was in a hospital. I could see a nurse and then a doctor around me. I also saw this old-fashioned woman looking at me, telling everyone that Ashley was awake. Why did she keep calling me that? I started to ask where my mom and dad were. No one would answer. Then I started getting hysteric telling them I wanted my parents. The doctor said I was not ready yet and he gave me a shot where everything went black again.

My eyes opened again and I looked around. I was quiet this time as I did not want to be put to sleep again. My grandmother was saying that she did not know how much I could understand. I think I was a bit drugged, as she kept on calling me a girl. I was a boy. I just looked around and waited and waited for the drugs to wear off.

The woman told me she was my grandmother and I would be living with her from now on. I looked at her confused and told her that I wanted my mother and father. She took my hand and told me my family was in a car accident and I was the only survivor. I was in shock and in grief as I realized that this meant that my mom and dad were now dead. I was an orphan. My grandmother told me she was there, and it was good to cry. I just looked up at the ceiling and as tears were running down my cheeks, I was remembering my parents, and how they were fighting before they died. I cried thinking they were the best parents a boy could ever want. The rest of the day was quiet in the hospital, despite my grandmother telling me that she would take care of me. I closed my eyes as I had no tears left. What would life be like with no parents? What was my grandmother like? When would the grief I felt in my heart not hurt so much?

The next few days, I just was in bed recovering. Hospital food was not that bad and I had my own room. My grandmother was there all the time. She fussed around a lot, making sure everything was tidy and making sure I got my medicine on time. She was a strict woman. I wonder why I never met her before. Did she not like my parents?

I asked grandma if I could wear pyjamas and not this gown. She told me I was wearing a nightdress. I nearly vomited when she said that and told her I was no sissy. She looked at me in a stern way and told me we would talk about it later. I gave her my worse look. I must have blushed so much every time a doctor or nurse came into the room. I hid under the covers and did not want them to see me in a girl’s night dress.

The next day, this woman came in and sat down on a chair next to me. She was a psychiatrist at the hospital. I sighed as I thought she would be talking about my dear parents. However, she looked at my file and whispered to herself where should she start? She asked me if I was 8 years old, and I nodded. Then she said I have a lot to deal with. I already knew that my parents were in heaven and I now had to live with my grandmother. I nodded again.

“I do not know how to say this,” she continued, “in all my years; I have never seen a case like this. You were a son of your parents, and they treated you in every way like a son. I know they loved you and took great care of you. However, you were not born a son. You were born as their daughter….”

I started to explain I didn’t want this nightdress on, and that I was a boy. The shrink explained that for some reason, my parents were raising me as a boy. This was despite the fact that I had a girl’s body. She then showed me a picture of a naked boy and a naked girl. I was in shock. I once saw Billy’s boy’s thing and asked mom why I didn’t have one, Mom said it will grow when I was ready. I believed her! Now I was being told I had a girl’s body!

Granny told the woman that dad could not deal with girls, as he simply did not know how to take care of them. They treated me like a tomboy and in time, they considered me as a boy and I was basically raised as a boy. I felt so stupid that I never questioned my body before. My head felt very light as the fact that I was a girl was bouncing around in it. It was suddenly hard to breathe and my whole body was in turmoil. The shrink said I was having an anxiety attack. I wanted to cry and I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t even breathe. I was given a tablet to relax like I was on a fluffy cloud.

When I was myself again, and after crying for a long time, Granny told me we were going home the next day. I looked at her and told her that I could have the body of a girl, but I only ever lived as a boy. My mind was that of a boy. This made granny mad. She said the good Lord created me as a girl, and I will always be a girl. She held my hand very tight and warned me I should now consider myself a girl if I was to be happy living with her. I was afraid of the woman and shut my mouth.

The next day, grandma started putting clothes on me. They were panties, tights, a small skirt and a tube top. She told me I would not be getting a haircut for a long time. I looked in the mirror. I looked like a sissy. Everyone could see my belly and the skirt was so small. I tried to pull it down but if I had to conclude that it was short. Granny had a smile on her face and said that I looked so pretty. It was time to go. As we went out of the hospital and in public, everyone was saying how pretty I was. I started to suck my thumb, so no one would see me cry.

Granny lived in an old house that also smelled old. She showed me my bedroom which nearly blinded me. It was so pink and white. The bed was an old-fashioned canopy bed with purple curtains. The floor was a thick pink carpet. The walls were white with posters of puppies, kittens and Disney princesses. The roof was sparkling stars. The room was cute. It was too cute. It was a girl’s bedroom. Granny told me she hoped I liked it. She called me Ashley again. She told me none of my old things was here, and she even bought me new clothes. I opened the dressers and wardrobe. Dresses, skirts, tops, and every sort of girl shoe you can buy. There were no boy clothes. I could feel my anxiety again and I kicked a dollhouse and screamed my name was Ash and I did not want to be a girl!

Granny got very mad at me and told me I was a girl and I had to accept it. God made me a girl. My parents fooled around with creation. She stormed out of my new bedroom and warned me to think about what I will do, or life would be very sad from now on. I could hear her mumbling that how could anyone treat a girl like a boy?

I looked around and ripped off my girl clothes and just sat there naked. I wanted to scream and cry, but I had no tears left. I started to think of what I wanted. This was easy. I wanted my mom and dad back. I wanted my old clothes and toys. I wanted my old name. All this was not possible, and when I looked down at my body, it confirmed that I was born as a girl. This confused me, as I had a girl’s body, but I felt like a boy. I looked in the mirror and felt so empty inside when I saw a girls slit on my body. Should I fight God and the way he created me? I had to accept that I was a girl. Otherwise, my life would be hell.

The next day, I found a Sundays dress put out for me. It was a yellow dress that was very puffy and had a green ribbon belt. The dress also had a lace collar. There were also ankle socks and sandals. I looked in the mirror and went down and presented myself to my granny. She smiled and told me it was good that I accepted who I was. I put on a weak polite smile. I hoped this made her happy. She looked up and down and then said I needed one more change. She cut the fringe of my hair and put a flower in my hair. It was long for a boy. But now the fringe was straight down, making me look more like a girl. Granny told me that would have to do, but I could use hair extensions until my hair grew plus earrings.

On the way to church, she told me she was happy that I saw the light. After all, I was only 8 years old, so I was not old enough or mature enough to see reality. She told me I was lucky I was going to live in a new town, as no one would know I was treated like a boy before. She smiled and said everyone would see the true me. She was speaking all the way to church, saying we should give thanks to God that my identity was saved.

I didn’t listen too much to what the priest said. I was thinking of living in a new place. I missed my old friends! Besides that, it was hard remembering how a girl should act. I found out when I was sitting on a bench outside that it was important to keep my legs together. This old creepy man was staring up my dress at my panties. I felt so embarrassed that he was doing that. Granny saw it and told me to close my legs. She said it like it was my own fault!

When we got home, I was going to hide in my bedroom and remember the old days. I didn’t get permission to do this, as granny gave me a duster and told me I could help with housework. Walking around the house and dusting the old furniture was fun. It’s like I was wiping 100 years of dust from the things. I tried to be funny and dust granny. After all, she was just as old as the furniture. The woman did not have humour. She just told me to continue doing my duty and do not get my dress dirty.

That night, she was reading me a story about a princess and a fairy. I tried to pay attention, but the story was just too cute. I close my eyes and imagined spiderman. Then I started to feel anxiety and opened them again remembering I promised to myself to adapt to the new changes. She finally finished the story but then said that I would be starting ballet next day.

What has my life become?

Ballet was a nightmare. I went to school and was in a changing room with other girls. They were friendly with me, especially when I said I never tried before. I put the leotard and tights and slippers on and it felt like it was glued to my skin. I tried not to hate it, but I did. When I went to the dancing room, I felt so naked. Then we all had to stand by a bar and then do what the lady told us. I couldn’t see that we were dancing so much, it was just lifting legs a folding them and stretching. I know the class was for 45 mins and wondered how slow 45 minutes could go. It was like the time was broken.

When the ballet was over I was so happy. However, I would have to go through it all in again in a week’s time. I asked granny do u have to do ballet and she said yes!

As every day went by I was becoming more and more depressed about my body and the fact that granny wanted me as some princess. I did honestly try and accept it, but how could I just forget what my life was until now? My mind would simply not accept that I was a girl. I was in a conflict. A girl’s body and a granny that wanted me to be a girl this was easier said than done. I am a boy... a boy with the wrong body! I was not going to tell granny as she would just get mad and I was afraid every time she got mad.

So the next time I had ballet, I told granny that I would go to school and then I would cycle home. She was smiling saying that it great that I was so excited about going to the ballet. I was excited, but it was for a different reason.

After school, I went on my bike and cycled towards ballet. However, I cycled by it. I peddled so fast that and my and heart was beating so fast with excitement. I had jeans on and a white t-shirt. They were girl clothes, but they could also be worn by boys. I cycled and cycled thinking that I was free. It was to another part of town. I was never here before, but I found some boys playing basketball in an old parking lot. I got off my bike and walked towards them. I had a smile on my face and I felt like myself again.

There were 7 boys, so I asked them if I could play. One of the boys looked at me and said he did not want a sissy to play. Another boy said I was not a sissy, I was a girl. They considered my clothes to be girlish. I went up to them and took the ball and dribbled the ball telling them to come and take it from me if they wanted to. They could not take it away from me. For the next 45 minutes, we played. It was the first time that I had so much fun in weeks! Before I went, I told them that my name was ash, and I was nearly 9 years old. They told me I was great for only being 8 years old. They invited me back!

So the next few weeks, I did my best to be a good well-behaved girl at home. This was despite I had to wear the girlish clothes and live as someone who liked everything to be pretty and cute. I had to survive pretending to be someone I was not. I had to be overjoyed that my hair was getting longer and longer. It no longer was a boy’s hairstyle. This being said, the happiest time of the week was when I was Ash playing basketball. They considered me a sissy, but at least a sissy is a boy! This escape once a week was when I smiled the most.

This was until one day we were playing basketball. It was a very hot day, so we all had our t-shirts off. It was not like that I had any boobs. It was 16 days until I was 9 years old; I was as flat as could be. The simple act of taking off a t-shirt was total freedom. I was Ash, not Ashley!

That was until I heard a loud voice calling Ashley’s name!

It was granny. She must have followed me. She told me to come to her. I walked slowly with my head low. She told my friends that they should be ashamed, as they were comfortable being with a girl without a t-shirt. I never felt so humiliated in my life as I heard the boys whisper and ask themselves was I really a girl?

On our way home, she stopped at one of her friends. Granny said nothing at all until now. She told me her friend was retired but promised to do this. I wondered what she would do, but was only told to sit down. Before I knew it, my ears were pierced and I had two earrings in them. Granny told me that they will always remind me who I was and I would not deceive myself or others anymore. She told me I would be starting at an all-girl boarding school that was strict and would teach me how to be a lady! I cried and cried, and begged grandmother not to send me there. I would promise to forget everything about being a boy.

She did not believe me, and when I was in bed that night, I did not believe myself either. I tried being a girl. I did not feel like one. Now my granny was going to send me to a boarding school where I would learn how to be a princess and if I refused, I who knows what would happen.

Did granny love me? Would she only love me if I was a girl? Would she not love me when I knew I was a boy? One thing was certain for me. My life was going to be full of tears, unhappiness and torment.

Late at night, I didn’t take any clothes with me. I sneaked out of the house and snuck out of the house.

The next day, granny would find out that I ran away.

To be continued.

I was sitting on a chair as the strange woman turned on her Dictaphone and wanted me to tell my story. I was blushing as I sat there. They already took pictures of me that would go in their magazine, called “Brides”. After I told my story, everyone would know who I was and how I got here. However, I was told to speak with this woman. So I drank a sip of coke and started telling what I could remember.

It all started a year ago when I was 9. My name is Killian and I lived alone with my mum, who loved me but had a problem that she liked drugs. That means we never had enough money. Don’t get me wrong, Mum wasn’t one of those that that were spaced out all day, but only a few times a week, Mum would usually be on the sofa in another world at night-time. Other ways it affected me was that we always needed money. Like when I need a haircut or new clothes. This meant my clothes were always childish and my hair was a bit long, which made it a bit curly. Mum said I was lucky because I was so pretty. That’s right, she used the word pretty! She said I had a perfectly round face and beautiful soft blonde hair and long eyelashes. It wasn’t her. People always said I was as pretty as an angel. Angels were mostly girls. I was a boy!

Anyhow, my career started when my aunt was getting married. I remember that I was so excited, especially when Mum asked me to be a pageboy. This meant that I had to carry the ring on a pillow. I was so excited and yet a bit afraid. What if I dropped the pillow and no one could find the ring? I practised and practised until I could nearly do it in my sleep. A few days before the wedding, my aunt came around with the suit. It was white shorts, a white shirt and jacket with a pink butterfly. I also noticed that there were tights. I smiled and said thank you for the clothes. When my aunt left, I let my steam out. I said I don’t mind that the shorts were geeky and baggy. I don’t mind that the clothes were white and pink. I figured that this was the way it’s supposed to be at a wedding. However, no way would I ever wear tights. Mum shrugged her shoulder and told me not to be a drama queen. I reminded her that tights are for girls. Mum tried to explain that this is the way pageboys dress. She was shooting some of that stuff in her veins. I knew that it would be a waste of time arguing with her soon. I stomped into my bedroom, throwing my teddy bear across the room in anger.

I was mad that I ever agreed to do this. Maybe I could make a compromise with Mum that I would wear the geeky clothes and not the tights. I was thinking about this all day, but couldn’t speak with Mum, as she was high.

The next morning, Mum came into my bedroom. It was the day before the wedding. She sat beside the bed with the tights in her hands. I gulped as I seen them. I knew Mum was going to try to persuade me to wear them. I frowned showing her that it was a lost cause. I was determined not to look like a sissy. Mum explained that at weddings, pageboys wear these as it is a tradition. She said I was lucky because, in the olden days, boys wore tights and a frilly jacket. That did shut me up a bit. But I also thought that they could have said no. If I knew what I would have to wear, I would have said no. Mum must have guessed I was thinking that because she said that Aunty was stressed enough, and she didn’t have time to have an extra problem like this. She then asked me to feel the tights and asked did I not think that they were nice and soft. Reluctantly I felt them and they were very soft. Then mum asked would I not do it just for her? It would make her very happy. Mum knew that I would do anything for her. That was that. I would be wearing these old-fashioned clothes the next day.

The day of the wedding came. I woke up and took my bath and made myself look as clean as possible. Then I went to the chair where the clothes were. I took a deep breath. I looked up to heaven and whispered, “why me?” Then I picked up the underwear. They were clearly girl panties. They were white with a bow in the front and a flower with a rainbow. I threw them back in the chair. I looked in the mirror. I was naked and this made me smile. Despite my face and hair, I looked like a boy. Then I put on my Spiderman briefs and started putting tights on. As they were being pulled up my legs, I felt a sensation going down my spine. I looked at the white cotton tights and thought they looked like skin. They felt like a second skin. They were so smooth and I bet they would be warm. I then put on the white blouse and the shorts. I looked in the mirror. The shorts were so baggy, they looked like a skirt. I put the jacket and butterfly on. I looked in the mirror. I didn’t know if I looked like a spoilt brat or a sissy. I showed mum and she looked at the shorts. I could see that she was trying to think of something positive to say. The only thing she could think of is that I could say that I came from Scotland. She brushed my hair and said that I would be the prettiest thing at the wedding. Did she say pretty?

The wedding went fine. I felt like everyone was looking at me. Mum even took pictures. I just concentrated on not dropping the pillow with the ring. I tried not to think how I looked. I was relieved when my job was over. I wanted to throw the clothes off and put on jeans. I would have to wait, as there was a party. Usually, I was a boy that talked a lot and sometimes even got in trouble. Today I was behaved and even polite. I wanted to hide in the corner, but everyone pulled me over to them and ruffled my hair and said how cute I was. At one stage, my aunt joked and told everyone that she was not the centre of attraction. I was. At last, the wedding was over. Mum and I drove home. I was tired and didn’t even bother taking the clothes off. My mum used her needles to calm her down and I went to bed. I slept with the lights on.

The next few days, everything back to normal. I was only reminded of it when I looked for some socks and seen my tights in the drawer. I must admit that I felt them once in a while and smiled as memories came back to my head that they didn’t feel all that bad when I wore them. Besides that life was back to normal and I spent most my time practising for a swimming competition that was in a few months’ time.

One day, Mum told me to come into her bedroom. My Aunt was there. She told me to look at the laptop. I nearly fainted when I saw pictures of me from the wedding. Now the whole world could see the sissy clothes that I was wearing. I looked at the home page title, “Rent a Pageboy”. I was shocked and confused. Then Mum explained that everyone was impressed by me, and she thought we might as well make money on it. Mum explained that I had special looks and did the job very well. I looked at the comments and read that many thought I looked cute and some even wrote pretty. One or two people asked if I was really a boy. Mum must have seen me blushing and maybe a bit angry that they put the embarrassing pictures on the internet. She explained to me that her medicine cost a lot of money, and she needed more and more of it, and simply did not know how to pay. I was about to tell her she was an addict and wanted to rent her own son out to pay for her drugs. It was no good protesting, as Mum knew I would do anything for her.

A few days later, Mum was a bit drowsy after a busy night before doing what she usually did, needles and powder. She told me that there were some clothes in a bag. I had my first real paid job. I told her she was selling me like a whore. This made Mum mad and slapped me across the face. At the same time, she was telling me that children long ago had to work to earn money for the family. I wanted to protest, but I just tried to change the subject, and ask if I could get my hair cut? Mum explained that she just used her last money on her special medicine and besides that; it would be a shame to cut hair that looked so pretty. I shrugged my shoulder and walked to my room and looked in the bag. It was a white sailor suit. It had the baggy shorts, knee socks and a blue tie. There were also light blue panties with a sailor girl on them. The panties had a white lace trim. I grunted at these clothes and thought the knee socks and the baggy shorts would make me look more like a sissy.

The day of the wedding came. I started by taking a bath and was on the way to put the clothes on. Just like the last time, I was going to throw the panties in the corner when I heard Mum say to wear them this time, as that is what the bride was paying for. I put the panties on and looked down. I was a bit scared as my body looked like a girl’s body. It was good that I could see a little bulge in the panties. At the same time, the bulge reminded me that I was a boy with panties on. I put the rest of the clothes on. I looked like a rich mother’s boy that used his sister’s socks and shorts. It didn’t help that my hair was long. I just closed my eyes and thought that at least Mum would be happy. We drove to the church and the bride nearly was in tears when she saw me. She said I reminded her of her niece… her niece? Then why was her niece not wearing these clothes? At any rate, I did my job with a smile on my face. Once again people were taking pictures. I knew that there would be some of these pictures on the new “rent a pageboy” site. The wedding was over, and I thought the party was a bit boring as I didn’t know anyone. I was with a group of children. They were talking about music and things like that.

“How much do you get for being a pageboy?” One asked

“I don’t know, Mum gets the money”

“I hope she gets a lot of money. I wouldn’t wear those clothes for a million. It looks like you are wearing a skirt”

“I don’t usually wear clothes like this”

“Well, at least now you can get a haircut.”

The other children commenting on how I looked…. I was humiliated, especially when a girl said that I should keep my legs closed because she could see that I was wearing panties. I was never so embarrassed in my life. How could I explain why I was wearing panties? I just stayed quiet as they continued talking that I probably had a princess room and I probably wore dresses at home. I was so happy when the party was over. I rushed home and took off my clothes and jumped in the bed. I was still wearing the panties.

The next day, I woke up late and it was a school day. I just rushed and put on some shorts and a t-shirt. I was relieved when I made it to school on time. However, I noticed my friends were keeping away from me. I didn’t know what I have done. That went on the whole morning. I had to get my hair cut! I was sad all day and wondered why people were ignoring me. Then disaster happened in English. We were supposed to read a passage each. I was in daydream thinking about why my best friends wouldn’t speak with me. The teacher yelled my name and then went to me and said she could understand why I couldn’t read, as my hair was so long. The teacher then pulled my hair back and put it in a rubber elastic band. She put my hair in a ponytail! I could not believe it! This made the other laugh, and one person called me a doll. From that day on, I was known as “Doll”. I was glad to go home, and escape school. I didn’t know why everyone ignored me at school. They ignored me before I had the ponytail.

When I came home, Mum was sitting with an old woman. She looked very posh. I wanted to rush to my bedroom and take the elastic out of my hair. However Mum called me in. She introduced me to the old lady, whose name was Miss Dumby.

“Killian, this is Miss Dumby. She has seen your webpage and has seen you at the last wedding. She would like to ask you something…” Mum started

“Nice to meet you, Killian,” The strange woman started, “I know it is strange for you to see me here. Well, the fact is that I have been keeping an eye on you and your mum since I first heard about you. I noticed that you often have to take care of yourself when your mother takes her…. Err her medicine. I have offered your mother to babysit you, so she could… well, she can rest.”

“Mum! I can take care of myself!”

“Well you see Killian,” The lady continued, “I am a lonely woman. I have no family and I wanted to adopt a girl, and indeed I was interested in a girl your age, and we were well suited, but they said I am too old. I am not allowed to contact her. The fact is that you remind me of my brother when he was your age. He was a delicate thing. We were very close. In fact, I remember that he used to wear my clothes, even my dresses (laughs). Now he is gone and I am lonely. When I saw you on the internet and there was a video of you on YouTube, I could see that you lived close by. You caught my eye because you look nearly like that girl I wanted to adopt. I did a bit of research as I said, and I have offered to babysit you when your mother can’t take care of you”

I didn’t smile when she told me I reminded her of some girl she wanted to adopt. I wouldn’t mind if I reminded her of a boy. I could understand why she was not allowed to adopt as she was very old. The old woman said her piece and left. Then I started protesting to Mum that I didn’t need a strange woman that I just met to babysit me. Mum told me that she gets worried when she can’t think right when she was influenced by her medicine. She wanted some time to have a man over that she could be romantic with. I was still protesting, when she looked at me and asked would I do this just for her? Why did I love my Mum so much that I just wanted to make her happy! I nodded in submission and told her that I had to cut my hair, as the teacher put it in a ponytail. Mum said that it looked very pretty and I should keep it that way. However, she knew she couldn’t ask me for too much. She explained that she had no money, as she was using more medicine and it was costing more. However, I was staying at Miss Dumby's house this weekend. She promised me that the old woman would take me to the hairdressers. I also had a wedding that weekend, where I would look like a French Prince as a pageboy.

The weekend came after a few days of school where no one would speak with me. Mum was wasted as usual. In fact, she was getting more and more wasted. She said that Miss Dumby has been giving her new medicine that was very strong. In the morning, there was a limousine waiting outside the house. I didn’t know that the old woman was this rich! I sat in the limo as far away from the old woman as possible. She was telling me that we would go to the hairdressers. I was happy about this, it was about time. Then she was telling me that we would have a fun weekend, even though I had to work as a pageboy. I smiled and hoped this weekend would go quickly. The woman was weird. She asked me was I wearing panties or briefs. For a moment, I thought she was just pervy. Who would ask a boy that? I said nothing but realised that I was wearing panties. There were so many of them on my dresser. Did I just put on the first ones that came to me or was I just used to wear them? Did I even care? Or did I think that girl panties were better and felt better? I didn’t answer the old lady, but she made me think about it. Before I knew it, we were at the mall. I got out of the limo and started walking. However, Miss Dumby tried to hold my hand. I pulled it away saying that I was old enough, I didn’t need an adult holding my hand. The old woman got mad and warned me to do as she said. She explained that she gave mum the powder and needles that she needed. My Mum would not be happy if I did not do as I was told and this meant she would no longer get the medicine that she needed.

I held the woman’s hand and felt like a small child. She walked proudly to some posh hairdresser. At least I was getting my hair cut. I sat in the chair and explained how it should be done. I even joked if he could put a swear word in my hair. The old woman just looked at the hairdresser and told him to do what he was told to do on the phone. I thought this was just great, a strange woman that I met a few days before was deciding how my hair should look. I tried to reason it with the fact that she was paying and maybe Mum told her how it should look. I just surrendered and watched as the hairdresser cut my hair. I thought he was taking a long time, as he took a bit here and a bit there. After a while, he took what was called a stapler and then pushed it against my ears. It really hurt. Then he looked at the old woman and said that he was finished. I looked in the mirror and shouted, “What?” My hair was still extremely long and it was still wavy. I also saw that there were studs in both my ears. I didn’t believe what I have seen. I looked more like a girl than I did before. I looked a bit like Dakota Fanning. I was going to scream, but I remembered what the old woman said, that she was helping mum a lot. I didn’t want to be the reason that my mum wouldn’t get the things she needed.

We went to her house, and I didn’t say a word, even when we ate. Miss Dumby lived in a fancy house and it was obvious that she was very rich. Some people think that because they are rich, they can buy anything. This woman wanted a daughter. I was going to sleep in the room that she made for this girl. It was very girlish. It had pictures of Justin Bieber and horses and kittens and a big canopy bed. There were loads of dolls as well as a dresser where you could fix your hair. I said nothing and put my Spiderman Pj’s on. When I came out, I could see that she was annoyed. The old woman told me to go back in the room and put the clothes on that she put at the end of the bed. She tried to explain that Spiderman promotes violence. I bet the old woman never even seen Spiderman. I went back to the room and tore off my pj and looked on the bed. It was a large white t-shirt. I put it on me and noticed that it went down to the knees. It has lace around the neck, the hems at the bottom and down by the knees. It had pictures of two kittens in some daft flowerbed and a rainbow. I looked in the mirror. I looked like a girl. It didn’t help with the wavy hair and the studs in my ears. Why did I have so long eyelashes and why did my face look like a girl? I shrugged my shoulders and didn’t know if I was more mad or embarrassed. I walked back down to the sitting room.

The old woman smiled and told me to sit down.

“I am happy that you are wearing that. You look very pretty in it”

“I look like a girl.”

“Some boys do look and act like girls. Some boys look better in a dress than boy clothes. Some boys consider themselves girls”

“They are just sissies and gay”

“Well, you were wearing girl panties today and still are. You didn’t get mad when you got your hair done or both ears pierced.”

“You would have been mad if I protested”

“I never forced you to wear panties. Besides that what do you think of Samuel?”

“How do you know Samuel? He is a friend at school”

“Well is he cute?”

“Yes, he is cute.”

“Ohh…. So you like boys, you like wearing panties, you have holes in both your ears, you look like a girl, and now you are wearing a nightdress. What is the difference between you and a sissy?”

I didn’t answer as she continued to convince me I was a sissy. I knew that I was not a girl. But deep down I suppose I didn’t mind looking like a girl or acting like a girl. I could have protested with the girl’s haircut. I could have put boy briefs on. I could have refused to put this nightdress on. Did I do all this so she would be nice to Mum, or did I deep down not mind? Later that night I woke up with my heart beating quickly. I was a sissy!

The next day, I had to be a pageboy at another wedding. I took out the clothes. It was a silk silver jacket, a white silky blouse with ruffles, white tights and slippers. I rushed out to Miss Dumby and asked where the trousers and underwear was? She said there was none. That’s the way they wanted me to look. I put the clothes on. I looked in the mirror. I looked like a real sissy. The tights were strange to me. I loved the way they felt. When I turned around I could see my butt cheek and of course, the lump in the front was very visible. I went down to the woman that told me I was extremely pretty. She then put a flower in my hair. I didn’t protest as I thought I would know no one at the wedding. I was wrong. When I was walking up the aisle with the ring on the pillow, I saw Samuel. That’s how the old lady knew him. I blushed as he stared at me with a smile on his face. I was so embarrassed. At the wedding party, he nearly ignored me except for the time that he came up to me and told me I must fancy him. I wondered why he said this. But when I looked down at myself, I could see a tent in my tights. I wanted the earth to swallow me. After the wedding, Miss Dumby drove me home and told me it was a pleasure that I stayed at her house.

The next week was a nightmare. Mum was always high and not able to do much. The school was hell. I found out why people didn’t speak with me. They saw pictures of me on the webpage and even found videos of me as a pageboy on YouTube. The video of me walking up the aisle at the last wedding was the most embarrassing. Wearing tights and a flower in my hair could not be explained. They laughed at my hair and especially the earrings…. In both ears. It didn’t help that when we had a gym and was changing clothes, I was wearing panties. In my defence, I never really did notice what I put on every day. I was not going to admit to them that panties felt nice. Indeed, I did not admit to anything. I was now known as the school sissy. I was happy when the weekend came, even though I had to stay at Miss Dumby again.

Everything went well that weekend. I was happy that I could speak to someone. It was hard speaking with my Mum that was a zombie because she was so high. I was happy that Miss Dumby paid attention to me, although she spoke to me like I was a girl and spent a long time brushing my hair in the morning. Saturday afternoon was a bit strange. She asked me did I want to go swimming. I said yes, but I forgot my swimming shorts. I was simply told that she expected this and put something on the bed. I went up and found out it was a white and pink swimming suit, a girl’s one size suit! I walked down and told her I could just wear my panties. She got a bit upset and said I should not be exposing my chest. I nearly shouted out that all boys exposed their chest! However, Miss Dumby had a power over me that was hard to explain. I went up and with a bit of difficulty putting it on. I went out to her swimming pool looking like a girl. After a bit, I didn’t even notice that I was wearing it, Until I seen Samuel looking over the fence taking a picture with his cell phone.

Sunday evening, Mum came. She looked very tired, But Miss Dumby wanted to speak with her. Mum sat down and Miss Dumby started speaking:

“It’s nice to see you here. I can assure you that it is a pleasure having Killian here. I think it’s a great challenge. He does have problems. He wears panties as you know, and he wanted his ears pierced….. Killian, do not interrupt. Today he went swimming in a girl’s bathing suit; it’s a lovely one-piece suit.”

“I see…”

“I do not know why I call him a boy. I consider him as a girl more and more every day that goes. Besides that (Miss Dumby looks at Mum), I know that you heavily depend on the medicine that you have got from me. I know that you are taking more and more. I also know that you sometimes are unable to take care of Killian. I think that Killian should live here. Don’t worry; I will make sure that you always have money and drugs….. I mean medicine. Killian will be well taken care of here…”

“You want me to sell Killian!”

“I do not look at it that way. I am taking care of him. I think you should think about it”

“I need more medicine”

“Honey, you scratch my back, and I scratch yours. No more medicine until we have an agreement”

Mum took my hand and left the house. She was mad all the way home, muttering that she was not going to sell her son. I was very quiet. I couldn’t believe that this lady thought she could buy me. I was happy that Mum was mad. I didn’t have to say much.

It went fine for a few days even though Mum was on another planet. However, after 4 days, she started complaining that she had no medicine left. I didn’t say anything but told her that I would help her in any way I could. I couldn’t give her the feelings she had when she was high on this medicine. I knew things were wrong when Mum started telling me that she liked my earrings, even though she knew what people thought this meant. I didn’t say a word to my mum when she hinted that I was gay. Then I told my mum that everyone called me sissy at school. Mum just smiled and asked if I was wearing panties and tights. When she found out I was wearing them, she said I act like a girl and look like a girl. I was a bit sad that my own mum thought I was a sissy. I found out why she was mentioning these things so much. She told me she really needed money for her so-called medicine, and this woman needed me badly and was willing to pay 3 times as much. Did I ask why? Mum explained that the woman’s niece was supposed to help at the wedding, but she was at the hospital. The woman needed someone, and the only person she could find was me. I didn’t say anything but hoped that now we would have some money so we could eat

That Sunday, I found out why that woman would pay so much. On my chair were a dress, tights and panties. I could not believe my eyes. They really wanted me, a boy…. To dress like a little girl. I looked in the mirror and didn’t notice that I already took off the nightdress (Yes, I took the one I got at Miss Dumby’s). I was just standing there in light blue panties with a white ribbon on them. Why did I not storm out and yell that I would not do this? Did I know that my Mum would just say I have been wearing panties, tights and all that she reminded me of the last few days? Did I really want to find out what a dress felt like on me and looked like? I suppose I didn’t mind deep down. I wasn’t so sure about if I wanted people to see. My mind was made up when Mum begged me not to argue, and would I just do this for her? A few minutes later I looked in the mirror. There was no way anyone could see that I was a boy. Mum called me into her room. It was a mess. She could hardly stand up. Her hands were shaky as she brushed my hair. She put them in pigtails. She took some earrings that were red hearts. Her hands were so shaky that she couldn’t put them in my ears. I took them and put them in myself. Mum was talking about how pretty I was, and that Miss Dumby was right, I was a sissy that wanted to be a girl. Then she whispered maybe the old woman knows me more and could take better care of me.

The wedding went well. I don’t think anyone realised I was a boy. I did not even tell them. When I got home, Mum was nearly dead on the sofa. I didn’t even bother taking the clothes off. I was in a dress for a few hours, and it felt no more strange that the other things that I have been wearing. Maybe I was a sissy. The more I thought about it, the more comfortable I felt like a girl. I noticed that when I wore boy underwear and socks that they felt a bit rough. When I looked in the mirror, I did not feel like a boy.

It was hell once again at school. It didn’t help that the next morning, I was in a rush as usual. I forgot my hair was in pigtails until someone started teasing me at school. I didn’t even try to explain why I had pigtails and heart earrings. Everyone thought I was a sissy, and they were right. I did wear a fluffy dress the day before. So much of the day at school was me hiding. It didn’t go all that better at home. Mum was annoyed and also in a bad mood or panic. We hardly had anything to eat. My aunt visited once and was shocked. She got mad and told Mum that she would be contacting social services. Mum said not to worry; an old friend would take care of me. I ran into my room. I think I knew what this meant.

Mum came in later and sat down on my bed. “Killian, I have made a decision. You are to live with Miss Dumby. I know you do not want to.”

“Nooooo Mum, you said that I will not be living with her. You said that she will not buy me!”

“I know darling, but look at me. I am very sick. I cannot take care of you. The alternative is that you will live in a children’s home. That will not be a good experience. You can see that I cannot take care of you. In the last week, I have let you be like and look like a girl”

“That old woman will treat me like a girl. She will turn me into a girl. Maybe it will be better if I went to a child’s home. The best is if I stay with you. I love you, mum!”

“You have been acting and dressing like a girl without her. When is the last time you wore boy’s underwear? It is too embarrassing to send you to a children’s home. I am too proud of that”

“Mum, you can just stop being an addict. I want to stay with you. I love you!”

“I need my medicine. I have made my decision. If you really love me, you would do this!”

So within a few days, the limo was waiting outside our house. The Chauffeur came and gave Mum a bag that I knew was her medicine. I also saw her get a check. I felt like I was being sold. I knew I was being sold. I cried as I gave my mum a hug. She tried to be brave at the start, but at the end, she started crying herself.

When I say I was sold, I mean that I was sold. Miss Dumby was not as nice as she was when I stayed with her before, although she wasn’t all that nice then either. Now she was worse. I felt like a trophy that she could show off to her friends. I was the child that she saved from the drug addict mother. Miss Dumby said I was to call her aunt. I agreed reluctantly to this, as the alternative would have been to call her mummy. My new aunt told me that I was to do as she said, wear what she said, and behave how she wanted. This meant I was to be her slave.

The clothes that I had were no longer needed. Auntie (Miss Dumby) purchased me a new wardrobe. She said I was not to wear clothes poor people wore, but clothes that were quality clothes. The problem was that they were girl clothes. Everything from panties and tights, to tops, leggings, jeans, skirts and dresses. I have never seen so many pink and frilly clothes in my life. I complained the first few days. Every time I complained, I got spanked over aunties knee bare butted. After she seen this would not help, she locked me in my room for 3 days. After that, I did what she wanted. I was like a robot. I wore the girl clothes. In fact, I loved wearing dresses and skirts. I thought of some boys at school. If they wore girl things, they would look strange and like idiots. Not me, I looked exactly like a girl. After some time, I didn’t even mind when my hair was always in pigtails. I suppose when you wear clothes for a while, you get used to them.

I no longer went to school. I was being homeschooled. This was to teach me manners and how to act. When we ate, I had to learn which fork and spoon to use and how to be polite and know when to speak. Even when we saw TV, I had to sit all proper and right. I had to keep my legs together, so no one can accidentally see my panties. If I wanted to act as a boy and wear what a boy does, she would not allow it. She now considered me a girl. I was the girl that she could not adopt. She was training me to be a girl… to be her princess. The plan was that I would start in a private school for girls in the new semester. Deep down, I knew my reputation was ruined at the school where I was. But the other school would definitely find out. Would the accept me or make my life hell?

My room was a room that a princess would be jealous of. It was obvious that she wanted me to have the best of things. I had a canopy bed that was very comfortable. I never saw so many teddy bears in my life. I also had more dolls that I could remember the names of, and I had a huge walk-in closet that had so many clothes, that I could have given everyone in Africa something to wear. I know what you are saying. I should have been happy. But as I said, it was a princess room. It was so pink! There were also pictures of Justin Bieber and other boys on the wall. Auntie would come in once in a while and ask if I got a stiffy or my heart beat fast when I saw them. At the start, I said no, but then after a while, I admitted that boys are cute. This made Auntie so happy. At first, she said it meant I was gay, and then she said it proved that I must have girl hormones or be a girl with a very large clit.

I was secluded from the outside world the first few months. I was surrounded by girl clothes, girl toys, girl colours and Aunties influence. After about 2 months, auntie asked me did I consider myself a girl. I said no, and she could look at my “clit” as proof. This got me spanked and locked in the room. I don’t know if it was because I did not answer politely or because I gave the wrong answer. While I was in my room, I tried to rationalise things. I didn’t mind living as a girl. In fact, I liked most of it. But deep down in me, I knew that I had the body of a boy. I did not consider myself a girl. It was just fun acting as one. I knew that I was not a girl. I admitted to myself that I was a sissy. A week or so later, when auntie asked me the same question, I admitted that I felt like a girl. This was good enough for her.

It was then that she started taking me out. Of course, I would be wearing the fluffiest dresses that a girl could have on, and my hair would look like I was in a beauty pageant. We went to malls, and the cinema, and museums as well as church. I was of course on my best behaviour. I loved going to museums and old buildings, but all the time, I felt like a trophy. It was auntie showing everyone that she controlled a boy dressed as a girl. She would boast when she came home, telling me that everyone thought I was a pretty girl and everyone accepted me. I would smile, but inside my head was turmoil. Did others know who or what I really was?

I was no longer a pageboy. I was being hired out as a flower girl. By this time, I didn’t even mind. I was wearing tights and dresses every day. Being a flower girl was a bit more special though, as the dresses were more expensive, and a bit more soft and fluffier. It always took ages to do my hair, especially if there were flowers in my hair. I do not know why I still had to be a flower girl, as auntie had enough money. But I did it basically as a few hours break from her.

I missed Mum a lot. Despite that I had everything here, I was not happy. I felt like I was a puppet and an experiment, and as I said a trophy. Maybe auntie could see that I was not happy. She did nothing about it. She told me nonstop that I had a bad mother. Which mother would sell their son? She called Mum a drug addict, that she thought drugs were more important than her own son. Auntie never had anything good to say about Mum. At the start, I was mad at Mum that she sold me. However, I tried to see it from her side. She knew that drugs took over her life and she could no longer take care of me. She only sold me because she loved me. On the other hand, I hated Miss Dumby (that I no longer called auntie after 3 months) more and more. She was the one that gave the drugs to Mum. She was the one that never said anything nice. If she really cared, she would allow Mum to visit me. After 4 months, I felt like I was in hell. I cried every night when I slept, holding my doll.

It was a few days before I was supposed to start at the private school for girls. I put on a nightdress and hugged my doll as I tried to sleep. In the middle of the night, I woke up in a fright. There was a man with black clothes on putting his hand over my mouth. He then told me not to say a word. I was too afraid to scream. I was lifted over the shoulder and he quietly took me out of the house, and in the back seat of a car. There was another person there. I didn’t look. I just put my head between my knees. I was afraid because someone just kidnapped me. I thought they will beat me up and kill me. Maybe they kidnapped me because they killed sissies.

A hand took my shoulder and told me not to be afraid. I recognised the voice. It was Mum! I hugged her so tight.

“Killian darling, don’t be afraid,” She said, “I am sorry we took you the way we did, but it was the only way I could think of. This is a friend of mine. He is a priest.”

“I missed you so much. Mum, why did you come for me? I thought you couldn’t have me….”

“When you left, I continued taking the drugs. I took more and more. After a while, the drugs that the old woman gave me were not enough. A man offered me money to sleep with me. I was in bed, and then I saw a picture of you. Then it hit me. I have been a selfish mother. You always said you would do anything for me… and you did. You agreed to be a pageboy; you agreed to wear panties and tights. I even forced you to be a flower girl….”

“Mum, I love you”

“I love you too. However, I was not there for you. I did not feed you. I did not clothe you. I did not give you attention. I should have supported you when you started experimenting with girl clothes and acting like a girl. I shouldn’t have let you alone and allowed to be manipulated with this old woman. When I saw the picture of you, I realised how much I loved you and how much I missed you. You are the most important thing in my life. However, I acted as drugs were the most important thing, so much so that I basically sold you to a crazy woman. As I said you always did anything for me. It was time I did something for you. I kicked that man out and walked through the town in rain and it was dark. I was in despair. I didn’t know what to do. I ended up on my knees praying, something that I did not since I was a child. After that, I walked to the church, where I met the priest. He told me that I had to take back control of my life and over the next few weeks I got the drugs out of my body and then I had to stop wanting them all the time. When I thought I was ready, I asked the priest to help get you back. We knew we could not ask your aunt or Miss Dumby, so we kidnapped you.”

“Mum, I am so proud of you. I always knew you loved me. What now?”

“I need a new environment. I need a new life. We are moving to a small town, where I will not be surrounded by pushers, my family or Miss Dumby. The priest has arranged that I will have a cleaning job in the convent there. Killian, we now have a new life and a new start”

“Just one thing Mum…. Maybe I should be disguised as a girl and live like a girl in the new town. I can be your daughter”

Mum smiled and gave me a hug

Some people simply do not know how to think of others and treat them with respect and the love they deserve. Some people can treat others like dirt and then destroy their lives. I think they should be put in Hell. That’s what happened to my sister Kylie that was 2 years younger than me. She was 9 and is the best sister anyone can wish for. She was always cheerful and didn’t bug me that much. She liked playing my games like Grand Auto Theft on PlayStation and football. This was until she was 9. My dad started abusing her and by making her get naked and other stuff. Of course, we did not know this until he raped her. That must have hurt, so she told Mum. Mum loved dad but she also protected us. To make a long story short, the police were called, dad was arrested and after a trial, he was put in jail. That is good. But then people think it’s all over. However, it is not. People do not realise the media has given our family a reputation. My mother could not look people straight in the eyes. She decided we had to get out of town. But it would be a few months before we could move.

The big problem was Kylie. Imagine that she had to sleep in the same room where her body was violated. Kylie was now a quiet sister that hardly said a word. She would spend all her time drawing pictures that were very black or she would look at some magazines with horses. It was as if she was afraid of the world and locked herself in her own world. A few days after the trial, she started wetting her bed. This was very embarrassing and deep down I knew I would have teased her, but after all she has gone through; I decide to ignore the bedwetting and quietly helped her take the wet sheets to be washed. Kylie never said a word to me. Mum quickly got tired of it. She tried with rubber sheets and then after another week of this and no change, Kylie was put in diapers at night. This must have been a devastating development for Kylie, whose life has been turned upside down in the past few months.

So that was life after Dad was thrown behind bars. It did not become better. It was worse. Kylie did not have to endure his abuse, but she still had the experience in her mind. She isolated herself, acted more like a baby; even wet the bed with diapers on. The worse thing for me was that she never smiled or said a word. If I came into the room, she would look down and even seemed to shake at times when she saw me. She would not be anywhere near me. At first, I was mad at her, but then I understood that she had a bad experience with a man, and was obviously afraid of boys. What could I do that she now hated men and boys? What could I do when she started wetting herself? I wanted to help but just did not know.

We were eating breakfast on a Saturday morning. Kylie started to speak which both shocked Mum and me, after weeks of silence. She told us that she no longer wanted to sleep in her bedroom as it gave her nightmares. Mum was a bit confused and did not know what to say, while I jumped in and said that she can have my room and I will move to her room. This made Kylie smile a bit, but her face went serious again when she said that she did not want her bed in the house. I could see that Mum was in a panic and didn’t know what to say. She tried explaining that a new bed cost too much and she had no money because we were moving soon. She mentioned that the only thing she had was the old crib in the basement. I looked at Kylie and understood what she was thinking. She did not want her room as it reminded her of her the abuse she experienced, and she did not want to look at the bed where it happened. If Kylie was forced to sleep in a crib, then it would be another setback for her. I told my Mum that I will have Kylie's room and as I cleared my throat, I said that Kylie can sleep in my bed and I can sleep in the crib until we had money for a new bed. Mum smiled and said it would work as I was extremely small for my age, but she reminded me that Kylie’s room had girl colours and was a girl’s bedroom. I nodded.

That night, I got ready for bed and then was about to get in the crib. Of course, I did not know how to get over the edge. Mum reminded me to go to the toilet first because she was not getting up in the middle of the night. I smiled and said I don’t need to go to the toilet. Mum smiled as she lifted me in the crib, saying it was good that I was small for my age. Soon I was quiet in my new room. I looked around and thought this was the strangest day in my life. Here I was in a crib with bars and in a pink room! I nearly lost my breath as I thought about this and wondered if I was now crazy or insane. But deep down I knew that I was doing this for my sister.

The next morning I woke up. I was a bit surprised at first as I could not get out of bed. It was like I was in a cage. Then I remembered it was a crib. I smiled for a few seconds until I realised that I felt a bit uncomfortable. I couldn’t believe it. I was wet. I peed while I slept. It was the first time I did it in many years. At first, I was mad, then I was confused and when Mum came in to lift me out of bed, I was embarrassed and I could feel the tears coming to my eyes. Mummy smiled and said let’s get changed. She tried to calm me down by saying it could be because I slept in the crib and my mind was playing tricks with me. I figured this must be the case, as I could not think of any other reason. At breakfast time, I felt a lot better because at breakfast Kylie said that she never slept so well that she did that night. She had no bad dreams. She still wet the bed but smiled when I said that I did too, and reminded me that I was much older.

That night and the next few times, the same thing happened. I slept in the crib and woke up wet. I didn’t understand why as I did go to the toilet before and no matter what I tried, I ended up wet. A few days after it started, I was crying because it was so embarrassing. Mum told me it would change when we moved and she had money for a big bed for me. After a week, she sat me down on the bed. She showed me a bag of diapers and before I could yell, she begged me not to get mad. She explained that she was stressed and worried about Kylie. She explained then that my current wetting was also worrying her, but she could only deal with so much. She knew that I would get better. She explained that I would get better and until then, I would wear diapers at night to save her from washing so much. I wanted to say no way on earth… but I knew that Mum was having a hard time and I just gave her a hug hoping that my wetting problems would end soon. I then noticed that the diapers were the same that Kylie wore. Not only would I be wearing diapers, I would be wearing girl diapers. Mum realised that I was looking and said with a smile, “Kylie hates boys and men. Maybe she will like you better and feel more comfortable that you wear the same as her.” It then hit me…. The fact that I was a boy made Kylie afraid. That is why she was so afraid of me.

This thought was with me for a few days. Mums words were in my head as I realised that my sister was quiet when I was around and looked even afraid. One night, Kylie smiled as she realised that the diapers I was wearing were the same as hers… girl diapers. I felt a tear coming to my eye, as I knew that I missed my sister. The problem was that she would be so happy and feel safe if I was a girl. I remember that night that I prayed to God that I would wake up as a girl. It did not happen. The next morning I was still a boy. I thought how my sister would be friends with me again. I thought about how I could get my sister back all day at school. I thought I would try an experiment at home. Although Kylie was 2 years younger than me, we were about the same size. When I came home, I snuck into her bedroom and took a pair of her jeans. They had little ponies on them and some rainbows. I put them on and a t-shirt that had the Barbie logo on it. I looked in the mirror and smiled. I looked like a tomboy. I suppose if I should let my hair grow. It was already thick and it grew quickly. I slapped myself across the face. What was I thinking about? I am not going to be a girl! However, when I had the courage to go down to my sister, I could see that she smiled and was just like she was in the olden days.

The next day, I did the same. I wore a pink tracksuit that Kylie had. I walked down to Kylie and she was once again smiling. She was talking about school and saying the clothes looked nice on me. This went on for a few weeks, and we could see that Kylie was much happier. Mum never said a word about it. After a few weeks, I came down wearing the pink tracksuit I wore at the start. Kyle was telling me how she was taller than I was now. This made me a bit sad as I did not know why I was so small. Kylie didn’t notice my reaction and stood up and started to brush my hair. Mum mentioned that she did not realise that it was so long that it could be in a ponytail. I gasped as I realised that it was so long and the fact that Kylie was putting it in a ponytail. Mum said it should be cut, but Kylie shouted at the top of her voice, “no way”. That sort of put an end to that discussion. Mum just looked down in the magazine she was reading. Kylie was just chattering about how she wanted to get earrings. Mum said she didn’t have time. I said that I would help her tomorrow after school. I do not know why I agreed to help her. I just liked the fact she was not afraid of me anymore and seemed happy. Just before I told her I was going to do my homework, my sister looked at me seriously and told me I should wear panties tomorrow. I was about to get mad at her thinking that I would be in school, and no way was I going to wear panties. Then I saw the look on her face and did not want her to go back to be afraid of me. I smiled as she said she already put some in my drawer, as mum just bought her new ones.

As I walked out, Kylie asked me, “Are you my sister now”. I politely told her no, we were just playing a game. Kylie's smile disappeared but as I walked out, I could see Mum smiling. Maybe I went too far with this dressing up as a girl. But to be honest, Kylie was happy again and besides that, I liked dressing up. It was weird to do it but in a way it was fun.

So the next day, I had panties on at school. I was very conscious of it. I mean, how many boys wear girl’s panties? Still, I must admit that they felt very comfortable and they were beautiful. I was already getting teased that my hair was long, so the fact that I was wearing panties would not matter… if they knew. After school, Kylie met me outside the school. She was all happy and excited. All her friends were saying it was about time to get their ears pierced.

We came to the shop where it was done. I thought Kylie was brave, as getting holes in the ear must have been painful. However, she just smiled as the woman did it. Afterwards she looked in the mirror with a proud face at the studs in her ears. Then the woman asked Kylie if her big sister wanted to get pierced ears? Kylie smiled and said yes while the woman explained that I was old enough to stop being a tomboy. I don’t know why I froze. I wanted to tell her I was a boy. My mind was in turmoil as I realized that she said I looked like a tomboy. Before I knew it I was in the chair. My mouth was frozen and within a few minutes, I had two studs in my ears. Kylie was smiling the rest of the day. When I came home, Mum was admiring Kylie’s studs. Then she noticed I had them too. I tried explaining to Mum but she was right when she told me it was my fault, the fact was that I let the woman do it.

After that, I was looking in the mirror. A girl was looking back at me. I never realised how girlish my face looked. The fact that my hair was long now didn’t make me look any more masculine. Now I also had earrings… in both ears. I could see my mouth opening as I realised that they would tease me more at school. Having two earrings meant that I wanted a boyfriend. This thought went through my head that night as I was thinking which boy was cute and which boy was not cute. It was right what I predicted. I was teased nonstop at school. Many asked me if I was a girl. I got mad at them, but somehow I did not punch them like I would have done a few months ago. In a way they were right. I wore girl clothes and wore them more and more. Only if they knew that I wore panties and tights at school. I accepted being teased as a punishment for being such a sissy. I looked at the bright side; they would really tease me if they knew what I wore at night time….. diapers… girl’s diapers. Meanwhile, at home, I was wearing Kylie’s clothes all the time. They were no longer what I considered half ways unisex. They were now skirts and dresses like blouses, camisoles and even miniskirts. Kylie loved putting my hair in pigtails and ponytails. She smiled every time she came into my room with some clothes I could try on the next day. They were getting too small for her. That was extremely embarrassing, that my younger sister was now taller than me. Life changed completely to what it was when I first started doing it. Kylie was once again smiling. As for Mum, she must have been worried. However, she never let on. She didn’t even ask me why I wore skirts and dresses. She most likely thought it was a phase. She must have been happy that Kylie was once again smiling.

A few weeks went. Mum just found a house in a town someplace in the middle of nowhere. We would soon be starting a new school where no one knew us. However, the last days of my life in this school were hell. It happened one day while we were on the playground. Some boys were talking about what they have seen on TV the day before. Then they asked me what I saw, and I explained it was “Dora the Explorer”. They all started laughing and teased me that I was watching a program that only little girls see. I tried to explain that it was because Kylie was seeing it, which was a lie. However, things got worse when I suddenly felt a warm feeling going down my legs. Everyone was laughing and when I looked down I realised that I wet myself. I peed in my trousers. When I came home and told Mummy, she just said that it was an accident. It could be the stress of moving.
The situation did not change. It got worse. The first few days went I had an accident. Lucky enough they were mostly at home. However, the accidents happened more. After a few weeks, I was having accidents all the time. Socially, it meant that no one at school wanted to associate themselves with me. I had no friends left. I was also worried. A few months ago, I was totally fine. Now every time I felt I had to go to the toilet, I could not reach the toilet on time. I was now a piss pant and that worried me. Mum was also worried and took me to the doctor. After he prodded me and felt me in places all over me, he said he had to speak with Mum alone. On the way home Mum ran into the shop and came back with two bags. I noticed that they were white and pink. I didn’t think more about it but kept wondering what the doctor said. Mum tried to explain that the doctor said that my bladder was weak. Mum mentioned quickly that he said we could take some precautions to make it less embarrassing. It didn’t help when she said this, that I felt myself going wet. I went red in the face. Kylie looked at me and smiled. At least she did not tease.

When we came home, mum told me to go into the bedroom. I told her that I should get some dry clothes on first; however she said that I should come in to her room and get changed there. I went into her room and she told me to lie on the bed. I started protesting and she just told me to be quiet. I continued protesting and she took one of the pink bags that she bought that day. She took out a package. I screamed when I saw it. It was a bag of diapers that I wore at night-time. I started crying, something I did not expect to do when I was 11 years old. Then I started having a tantrum while Mum was trying to explain that I would be wearing diapers all the time. I was against this idea and started kicking. However Mum slapped my bum and put a pink and white pacifier in my mouth. She put it back in my mouth when I spit it out and gave me a stern look. She explained that I have to wear these because it was more embarrassing having wet clothes. I tried to tell her they didn’t have to wear girl diapers. I thought that everyone would tease me for having such a big bum. Mums surprises were not over. She took the other bag and took out a night dress. It was white with a pink heart that said “little sister”. I was about to protest, but how could I? I have been wearing girl’s clothes for the last month or so. What difference would a nightdress make? I just continued to suck on my new pacifier.

So the last week of school meant that I was wearing a diaper at school. At first, no one seemed to notice. I was still being teased about my hair, and earrings and the fact that I wet myself. However, they could no longer see that I wet myself. I was very careful to wear baggy clothes, and careful when I walked, as the diapers made a noise all the time. At home, Mum would change me, and my sister soon changed me when mum was doing something else. I would wear my sister’s old clothes except at school, where I wore my old boy clothes.

Two days before we moved, my sister was playing with my hair by putting it in pigtails. She asked if I was her sister now. This was the second time that she asked this. I thought about my life. What started as a joke now changed my life. I was regressed to being a baby that wore diapers. I even noticed that I had the pacifier in my mouth all the time at home. I wore boy clothes at school, but if you looked at me, I looked like a tomboy. At home, I would wear my sister’s old clothes. To be honest I loved wearing these clothes. I loved wearing the bright colours, especially white and pink. I also liked yellow clothes, especially the dress with the power puff girls. I looked like a girl and I was living like a girl, especially at home. However, I knew what was between my legs. I tried to convince myself that I was doing this for my sister. She has been happy since I started acting like a girl. What would happen if I started being a boy again and acting like a boy? That was my reasoning in any case. Deep down I was worried that I did not want to be like a boy again. I took the pacifier out of my mouth and told my sister I was still her brother. The smile disappeared from her face and she went to her room.

The next night, Mum was changing my diaper. After that, she sat me on her dressing table chair. She was putting ribbons in my hair.

“It’s time we have a talk. I am not blind. I have noticed what you are doing. You have basically become a sissy at home,” Mum started to say.

“I can explain… err… you never got mad”

“That is because I know you started doing this to make your sister happy again. She is afraid of boys and men and she hates them. I didn’t say anything as I thought it was cute that you wanted to help her. But now, I think it’s gone beyond helping her.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, Kylie was happy when you just wore her jeans, and leggings, and t-shirts. Now, look at you. You now wear dresses, skirts pampers. You are interested in jewellery. This goes beyond than just helping your sister.”

“I suppose you are right…. So you think I am a sissy?”

“I think the right word is transgender. A transgender is a boy that feels that he is a girl trapped in a boy’s body. The thing is what we will do about it. We could spend a lot of money on a doctor that you can speak with.”

“I don’t want to speak with a shrink and talk to him about that I wear dresses and things. Besides if anyone should see a shrink, it should be Kylie after what she experienced with daddy. We do not have enough money for both of us.”

“I thought about that too. What I need to know is are you a sissy or just pleasing your sister. I need to know how you feel. I need you to be honest.”

“As you said, it started to please Kylie. However, I do love wearing her clothes. I love wearing tights and skirts and dresses. I love the colours. I even like her toys. I have some of her dolls in my room. I do not know if I am a girl in a boy’s body. I suppose I am a sissy.”

“We also have to remember,” Mum continued, “That you are now also wearing diapers. You sleep in a crib. You even have started using a pacifier. What’s next, a baby bottle?”

“Uhmm, the last few nights, Kylie came in with a bottle and I used it”

“A Babies bottle? Why did you not just say no?”

“I didn’t think about saying no. It was nice of her and relaxing. And no one can see me.”

“I understand. The same reason you only wear dresses at home. No one can see you but you feel comfortable. If I was to say this straight out, it seems that you are comfortable being a toddler girl. It’s a mix of being a transgender and being regressed, in other words acting younger than you are. Most mothers would panic, and look down at you and call you names. They would want to lock you in a padded room. They would hate you and not think you are normal”

“I don’t want you to hate me Mummy; I will wear boy’s clothes again. I will be normal”

“I will always love you! The fact is that this could be a phase you are going through. It could also be who you are. As a Mother, I will support you. I will let you explore and experience. I have been thinking about this. And I have done a lot of research to where we should move. It means our life will change. I want to tell you about this.”

“OK”

“When we move, we will be moving to a place where lots of people have changed their identities. Some from husbands that abused members of the family, others from the law, or other like us, that need to start over. You will have a new ID and a new name. In fact, you will be known as a girl… A girl that has bladder problems and is pretty much like a toddler.”

“They will tease me. You do not know how much I have been teased at school”

“Of course I know. A mother is not blind. The thing here is that in this town, there is a huge amount of respect and tolerance. I can tell you, that you will not be the only sissy there. You will not be the only one that wears diapers and acts like a baby. The thing is people will not know if you are really a boy. They will not care. The people I spoke to say it is your heart and mind that counts. The same will happen with Kylie. They will not care if she was molested or not. They will not tease her like she experiences now.”

“This place sounds weird. I mean how can it even exist?”

“It’s a private area. I thought it was a sect. but it is a group of people that wanted to make the ideal town. I even had to be interviewed so we can live there.”

“So I will be a girl?”

“Yes. I have bought new clothes for you, and many of Kylie’s clothes fit you. You will live as a girl. I think you should even try dancing or gymnastics. Your room will be a girl’s room. In fact, it will be like a nursery, as deep down I think you want to continue sleeping in a crib”

“I feel comfortable in a crib now. I feel safe.”

“So what do you think, as, from tomorrow, everyone will think you are a girl that has not grown up and still acts like a toddler?”

“What happens when I decide I want to be a boy again?”

“This phase might last for a while. When the time comes that you have decided who you are, then we can discuss that”

That must have been the strangest discussion any family ever had. We didn’t sleep well that night, as we knew the next day would be moving. Even when Kylie came in with a bottle, I was thinking about things. I admitted to my mother that I was a baby sissy. Her answer was that I will now live as a girl. How crazy was that?

The new house was a traditional house, with a nice garden. It took us a week to move in. It was funny that the neighbours also wanted to help. They were very nice. I, of course, was now dressed like a girl in public. At first, I thought a lot about the fact that I was a sissy pretending to be a girl. I felt guilty that we were receiving all the people. I think that is why I stayed at the house for a long time at the start. It was hard getting used to. All my boy clothes and toys were gone. My bedroom was a nursery... a girl’s nursery. My clothes were the same as any 5 years old would wear. They made me look like a little girl, and being so small did not help. At the same time, I thought they were very pretty. So from the day we moved, I looked like a girl and played like a girl. After a few weeks, I did not even notice the difference. I think my mind was slowly adjusted. I was very aware of what was pretty and what was not pretty. Usually, these things were pink.

Kylie treated me like as if I was her little sister. She also considered me a baby. When we moved in, she suggested that I should have a high chair. At first, Mum thought it was a joke as did I. However a few weeks later I was in a highchair. I suppose you can say I was now a baby sissy. I would wake up in the morning as wet as could be. I would wait until someone took me out of the crib. If I waited too long, I would feel tears coming out of my eyes. I would end up crying to Mum came in, lifting me out and stopping my tears by giving me a bottle or a pacifier. Of course, the pacifier ended in my mouth all day. I even started to lisp when I spoke. I would love if Mum put me in a dress or skirt. I loved the feeling when she put tights on me. I would be disappointed if she put leggings or jeans on me. I didn’t mind shorts, as long as they were white or pink. I loved when Kylie put my hair in a ponytail or pigtails, especially when she put hairpins or ribbons in my hair. During the day I would play with dolls and draw. I would help Mum clean and cook. I was afraid at the start to play outside, in case people noticed me. But when I saw they did not care. I played more. In the evening, I would watch cartoons on TV. Then I would get my nightdress on and sleep early in my crib.

The town was a small one, but it meant that I could always dress so pretty. At first, it was embarrassing because mum insisted that I would have to be in a stroller. However, people commented that I was pretty. I think it helped that I was small. They even commented that Kylie was a tomboy and I was a real princess. This made me laugh at what would they say if they knew the truth? I must admit that I loved clothes stores, and would always beg my mum for a dress or something. I hated when we were shopping for diapers. The people were nice. If they knew I was really a boy with girl’s clothes, they never let on. Of course, when I looked in the mirror, I did look like a 5-year-old girl.

By the end of the summer, I no longer was afraid that my secret would come out. I was happy wearing dresses. I no longer had control of my bladder and didn’t think of sleeping in a crib, using pacifiers and bottles, or strollers or high chairs. I was even using a playpen by the end of the summer. It was time to start school. Mum told me that Kylie would be going to the class that she should go in. But I would be going to a special class. I protested saying that I was no retard. Mum convinced me that it was not for retards. She did remind me that I have regressed a lot and that I was now thinking and acting as a toddler. In the end, I agreed to start the class.

I was surprised that there were a few others my age. Most of them were toddlers. I quickly found out that the class was just like kindergarten. We sang, drew, and heard stories. We even had naps. It was just like a nursery. The others wore diapers as well. Of course, the teacher knew I was a boy. She would just smile. At the start, I would kick and cry when she wanted to change me. She just stuck a pacifier in my mouth and told me it is OK. There were others like me. That didn’t stop me from crying and kicking. It was humiliating that someone outside the family knew the truth. This was until one day; I noticed that another girl my age was also a boy. This shocked me at first. Until now, I felt alone. Now I meet another sissy. He had a different story than me. He just felt like a girl. His family moved to this town because the town had tolerance. His name was Chris and we became friends. He was my first real friend in my life. Someone I could share my inner thoughts with and someone that understand what was going on in my head.

The whole story started with Kylie getting raped, which made her very sad and afraid of men. When we moved to the old town, she was back to her former self. She was smiling and talking all the time. There was one difference. She was no longer my little sister. She was now taller than me, and of course, she acted older. She took care of me. Helping change my diapers, helping me pick my clothes, and always fixing my long hair so it looked pretty. We never talked about what happened to her. We never talked about when I was a boy.

So here I am today, writing my story down. There is a reason why I am doing this. I want to remember who I was, and how I became like this. I suppose it is because Mum talked to me last night that I would be getting hormones and tablets so that I would sound and look more like a girl. When I was older, I could also get an operation to get rid of the thing between my legs. I didn’t even argue with Mum when she said this. The fact is that this started with me trying to put a smile on Kylie's face. However, this was an excuse, as I felt happier myself when I was a girl. I don’t know if moving to the town was good for me. It seemed like they had too much tolerance. There were no norms or taboos that stopped me from being like a baby girl. Maybe this was good as well. As who knows, maybe I would be screwed up if I continued to be a boy. The fact was that Kylie was happy now. I was also happy. I do not understand why I started acting like a baby and ended up being a baby. That is probably something a shrink would love to talk about.

It was hard writing this story down. Every time I wrote that I was a boy, I smiled and felt a bit of anxiety at the same time. I do not look like a boy and I do not feel like a boy.

That could explain that a few minutes ago, Kylie came in and asked me if I was her sister. I took the pacifier out of my mouth and said, “Yes, I am your little sister”

Avatar

Can a single event change your life? I would never have thought so until I was 11. A series of events changed how I thought, as well as how I looked. It gave me the confidence to be who I am today. This story shows an event of my life that has changed me. A change that I will cherish forever

I suppose I can be honest and tell you that I was not a normal 11-year old. I was different than other boys. I didn’t really like sports. I liked swimming though. I did not like action films. I liked romantic movies. I didn’t like rock music, as I loved ballads. I even wanted to do ballet, but Dad wouldn’t let me. He said it was only for sissies and gays. Being so naïve, I believed him. Years later, I was so sad that I believed him, as it could have been my dream.

My best friend was Ellen, she lived next door. Our bedroom windows faced each other. We used to communicate with each other through a sign language that we invented. Sometimes when we wanted to say something that was a bit too complicated for our sign language, we would send text messages to each other. It was obvious to everyone that Ellen was my best friend. She knew I was different. We couldn’t say how I was different but we both just knew and accepted it.

One of the favourite things I liked was watching her do her hair when looking through her window. Don’t worry she knew I was staring. I was no stalker! She didn’t mind me watching her do her hair. She would spend a long time brushing her hair. She had this rule that every strand of hair had to be brushed 20 times. Maybe that made her hair the nicest and softest hair that I ever saw. After she brushed her hair, she would put some lovely hair elastic things in her hair. Some were so beautiful. Some were flowers and some were butterflies. Then she would come to the window and show the finished product. I smiled as I seen it, and gave her a thumbs up. That made her smile, a smile that warmed my heart. After we would pull down our blinds, as we knew that it was time to get ready for bed. Then I would look in my mirror. My hair went to my shoulders and had a problem with curling at the end. Some mean people at school said I looked like Shirley Temple. After I found out who she was, I took that as an insult. But it nagged me all the time; did my hair look like girls hair? I would brush my hair as much as Ellen did, and I would have loved to have the decorations that she put in her hair. I think they would make my hair look prettier; I used to dream that Ellen would give me some of her decorations, her hair bands and elastics to me. But that was just dreaming.

In fact, I had problems with my hair. One day Dad threatened me with the worse thing possible:

“Your hair is getting too long.” Dad said

“No, it's not. It’s the way it should look”

“I don’t know if I am talking with a boy or girl.”

“That’s mean. A lot of boys have hair like mine.”

“I would like to see a boy with hair like yours that is not a sissy or gay”

“I am not gay!”

“No, because you are getting your hair cut tomorrow.”

I looked at him and gave him the worse face that I could. No way was I going to have short hair. I would look totally wrong with short hair and it wouldn’t suit my personality. But Dad wouldn’t care about that. He wanted me to be a normal boy. Maybe he thought that I would be teased. Maybe he thought I would end up some sex frustrated man that was alone in the world with strange desires. He didn’t understand that at 11, I thought that everything to do with sex was disgusting and I never thought about it. The fact that I didn’t like traditional boy’s things and preferred alternative things doesn’t mean that I should be punished. At an early stage in my life, I knew that I was not like other boys, and screw the people that didn’t like it or wanted to change me. This included my Dad.

The next day I went to Ellen’s house. She was all excited.

“I got a new game,” she said

“Great, but why are you jumping up and down on it?”

“It’s a virtual game.”

“What is that?”

“Ok, listen. You see this thing? You put it on your head over your eyes. Then you lay on the bed. Then you are in this imaginary world where it really feels like you are there. It’s so cool.”

“What do you mean it really feels like you are there?”

“Well, you know when you dream, it’s like you are there, but you really are in bed. Well when I am in avatar town, it’s more like I am really there. Avatar town is nearly like a real world. You meet other people that are online. You can buy things and meet so many different people over the world.”

“How is it real?”

“Well, let’s say if someone hits you in Avatar town, then you feel pain. If you fall, you feel pain. If you walk around with no clothes, then you feel cold. If it rains there, then you feel wet. All this and more, even though you’re the real body is laying on the bed”

“It must have been an expensive game. And did you say you walked around with no clothes? How gross!”

“I did not. I was changing clothes. Do you want to try?”

“No thanks, maybe another time. “

I could see that Ellen wanted to be left alone. I went home. I knew that she would spend most of the day on Avatar. That meant that I would be alone.

That night, I couldn’t sleep. I kept on thinking about her new game. What if I was stuck in there? It was like the matrix. In the end, you become so addicted to it, that you don’t know the real world from the imaginary world. I was wise not to do it. We only have one world and that should be the world that we should try to live in. The more I talked to myself, the less tired I was. I hated when I couldn’t sleep. It was Ellen’s fault because she asked me to enter her secret world. I could feel my heart beating harder as I thought what it would be like trapped there. Not being able to come back. I mean, would this be dangerous? I doubted it unless there were lions.

I decided that I would try it the next time she asked.

The next day Ellen did ask. She was surprised when I said yes. She told me that she had two headsets. I was then to lie on the bed. When I was comfortable, she put the headset on me. She pressed the button at the end. There were all different colours as I could feel myself spinning in the air. I felt so dizzy. I just kept on spinning and spinning, until a world slowly starting materializing. Wow! It looked like a real world with real buildings and streets and people. I thought they would be some computer-animated people, but they looked like real people. I landed in the middle of the town square. I could see that other people were appearing and I didn’t know any of them. I felt alone. So many people and I didn’t know where to go or do.

I walked around the square. I felt a hand touch my shoulder. It was Ellen. I smiled. I was not alone anymore.

“Isn’t this great?” she asked

“It looks so real. When you told me it was real, I didn’t think that it was so real.”

“What should we do?”

“I don’t know. It’s up to you. Avatar is your game.”

“I think we should buy you new clothes, to use when you come here.”

“What’s the matter with the clothes I have.”

“Nothing, well you’ll see.”

We walked down the street, and Ellen said that we could buy clothes in a shop called Anastasias. I said OK. A shop is a shop.

But when I saw Anastasia, I was a bit surprised. It was a woman’s shop. I stood in the middle of it thinking, what am I doing here? Then Ellen pulled this pink skirt off the rack and held it up against me. She mumbled to herself that this would do. The pink skirt was put on a table.

Then a white blouse, with lace at the end of the sleeves and around the neck…

Then with some white panties with cartoons on them

Then with tights and ankle socks

A petticoat dress

Butterflies and Roses for hair

Mascara

Lip Gloss.

Ellen took the clothes and paid for them. Then she handed me three bags and told me that I should try these clothes on. I yelled that these were girl clothes. I wanted to end this game now. I kept on telling her to let me back to my real body. Ellen looked worried as if she hurt my feelings. I didn’t care. I wanted to go home, and now. Ellen led me to the town square where I pushed a box. I was back on the bed in Ellen’s bedroom.

I ran home. Mum asked me why I was so mad. I just said that Ellen and I had a fight. I ran up to my room and started crying. Why did she tease me by buying girl clothes? Did she not know that people teased me because I had a body and of course hair that looked like girls? Ellen is supposed to be my best friend. I kept on asking myself why she tried to embarrass me like that.

Later that night, I saw that Ellen was on her bed with her head on the pillow. It looked like she was crying too. Suddenly I felt better. She obviously knew what she did was wrong. She wrote a text to me. It said Sorry. I wrote back that I was no longer mad. After all, she was nearly my friend. I needed her. I needed someone who knew me and accepted me for what I am. I was once again happy that we were friends.

The next day, I went over to Ellen’s, Her Dad sighed and said that she was in her bedroom. I walked up and seen her lying on her bed. She was really addicted to Avatar. Maybe she had a secret boyfriend in there.

I decided that I would surprise her.

I put on the headgear. I pushed the button and within seconds I was swirling around and around in the midst of different rainbow colours. I landed in the town square. There were so many people here! How was I going to find Ellen? I walked over to a huge map. It showed where different people were. I typed in Ellen99, Ellen’s username in Avatar. It showed a circle and said Ellen was at her house. I walked through the town centre to the suburb. It wasn’t hard finding the house. When I got there, Ellen wasn’t there. I looked around her house. It was so pretty. She had a white sofa and pink carpet. She had flowers everywhere. In her bedroom, she had a huge white bed, with pink floors. There was a lovely lamp. She also had two pictures; one was a picture of her family and the other was a picture of me. She left the three bags: I looked at them. It was like the bags were enticing me and seducing me to open them

I did. I took out the panties that could have been panties for an eight-year-old. I felt how soft they were. They were like my briefs, but there was something about them that made my heart beat faster. I looked around to see if anyone was here, and shouted Ellen’s name a few times. Then I quickly stripped and put the panties on. They were so soft against my skin. I couldn’t believe the difference.

I decided to try the tights on. It was like small puffs of breezes were hitting my skin. I slowly put them on, as I didn’t want them to tear. I thought they made my skin look like white silk. I did a little dance around the room in my new tights and panties. I felt like a ballerina dancing on soft clouds.

I then took the long summer dress she bought. It was white and light green. It looked like a summer dress form the 50s. Maybe they are in style again. Again, it felt like I was in heaven that I had the dress on. I could feel the dress going up my legs. I felt like that famous picture of Marilyn Monroe, where she was letting wind go up her skirt. I packed my boy things and decided that I would wear these clothes all day. I started dancing around once again.

I stopped in my tracks and seen Ellen standing there.

“You look so pretty.” She said.

“I’m sorry. The clothes were just here and I don’t know why but I tried them on”

“I think you have some girl hormones.”

“What do you mean?”

“Part of you wants to be like a girl and try girl things. If I was to be mean, you are a sissy. But you’re not really. You’re just girly”

“Deep down I always knew that. I was just afraid to tell anyone, including you. For once in my life, I feel happy what I am wearing. I know it makes me weird. But I feel myself now with these clothes on”

“Let’s go out. First I have to fix your hair.”

My heart was going faster when she told me that I was going out. I could have screamed. Was I going out as a girl? People would know that I was a boy in a dress. While I was thinking all this, I saw that Ellen was putting flowers and butterflies in my hair. My old dream was coming true. I looked in the mirror and felt and looked exactly like a girl.

Ellen took my hand and we walked out the door. We walked down to the park where Ellen introduced me as her little cousin. They all thought I was about 9 because they said “aww”. The afternoon was fun chatting about boys and how each other’s clothes looked, and what was now modern, and then the talks went back to boys again. The funny thing was that nobody recognized me as a boy.

It was time to go home. When we landed on the bed, Ellen asked did I like my girl time. I said yes.

“It would be so difficult for you to wear girl clothes in the real world” She observed

“Yes, I know. Schoolmates will tease and my family would never understand.”

“Then I think you should be a girl in Avatar”

So my previous experiences of being a girl were in a virtual world. A few times a week I would escape this world and become Ellen’s little cousin in Avatar town. After a while, I had lots of girl’s clothes, and I was so happy when I escaped to Avatar.

Years later, after I became 18, I became a total crossdresser. There were consequences. My Dad would not speak with me. My mother felt sorry for me. But I was happy. The most important thing is that I didn’t need an avatar to be happy.

Bacha Boys ltd

Before I start with this story, I should warn you this is a harsh story, that will upset many and possibly make some angry. It is not a sweet story about a boy finding his identity, it is a harsh story of manipulation, grooming and abuse. Now you may be asking why I am writing a story like this. The reason is that this happens in real life! There are bacha boys in some countries, mainly Afghanistan. This story is meant to highlight the problem, and shock people that even today, such a thing happens, and the world is silent about it. What you do after you read the story is up to you, but let us hope that one day, there will be action!

Now the story….

I was 12 when all this happened and let me start by saying that my life was nothing to boast about. My mom left shortly after I was born, and Dad was a lazy sod that hated work and was quite happy with the government paying unemployment, so he can sit on the sofa all the time. The flat we lived in was a disaster. It looked like a storm threw everything around. It was never cleaned or tidy. I tried cleaning a few times but gave up a half an hour when Dad just messed everything up. I don’t know why I even call him Dad, as he never spoke to me and never fed me. I would have to sneak in his wallet to see if there was money to buy food. My clothes were old. I wore mainly an old denim overall that was a hand-me-down and obviously a girl owned it, as it had lace on it and a few butterflies are sewn in. My hair was down to my shoulders because I never could have money to get it cut.

The school was a nightmare. I was teased because everyone thought I was poor and had to wear girls overall. They always asked if I had other clothes and some even asked if I was really a boy. I hardly ever said a word at school and hid during recess. It meant that I was called a lot of names and sometimes was beat up. I would cry sometimes wishing that I had a friend. I suppose I should not complain. The man at the burger stand was very nice. He always spoke to me like I was a human and he often gave me a free burger!

It was one day when I was eating a burger, I was sitting on a bench outside the Church. A fancy sports car pulled up and a man got out. He was dark and obviously a foreigner. I was more interested in the car and dreamt that one day I would own one. The man sat down beside me and started talking. This confused me as only the man in the burger stand ever spoke with me before. I listened as he spoke. He was asking questions about me. I was thinking he could be a perv and thought I was a girl. This was not true. When I had told him that I was a boy, he seemed to be more interested. He asked me about my life. I was honest and told him about home and school. The only comment he had was that I deserved a friend. He looked at his watch and said we would see each other again, and he hoped I considered him as a friend.

These words went through my head all night. The man's name was Omar, and he was 31 years old and came from Afghanistan. He hoped that I would be his friend. Why would a man want to be a friend with a 12-year-old? Something in my head said it was while at the same time it was nice speaking with someone. It was a new experience that someone wanted to be my friend. It was a good feeling and it made me smile for the first day.

The next day, I was at the burger stand. The burger man there was busy, so I just stood around. I should have been going home, but there was nothing there but Dad on a sofa. I was surprised when Omar suddenly showed up. He gave me a hug and told me he missed me. This was also a new experience. He ordered me a burger and spoke to me as I ate the burger. He told me that he really considered me a friend and he even told his family about me. In fact, he invited me for the weekend for dinner and promised me that his mother was a good cook. I smiled and accepted the invitation and finished my burger. He dragged me to the side of the burger stand and gave me some tablets. He told me that he noticed that I looked like I didn’t eat properly, and these vitamins would help, then he drove off. I put the vitamins in my pocket.

The burger man looked worried and asked me did I not find it strange that an old man wanted to be my friend. I just shrugged my shoulders and went home. Dad was of course on the sofa watching TV. He did not even say hello to me as I came in. I took one of the tablets and then it was like I was on a pink cloud and everything around me was singing a nice song. I never felt this good before. I managed to get to my bed and sat down while I looked at the ceiling moving around me and fireworks of colors. This was one powerful Vitamin.

I didn’t expect to see Omar for 3 days when I would visit his family, so I was a bit surprised when his fancy sports car pulled up next to me the next day as I was walking home from school. He invited me for a drive. It was so fun being in that car, and the roof was down as we drove out of town and sped along country roads. He was talking about how much I would like his family and he was so happy that he met me. Then he stopped at the side of the road and said we could have a serious talk. He put his hand through my hair as he talked. He said I had pretty hair and in fact, he thought I was pretty. I tensed up as he said that. In my mind, pretty was something that you said about a girl. He continued talking as I was thinking about the word pretty. He could have used the word cute and he could just say I was a good friend.

“I notice you wear a t-shirt with your overall,” he said
I just nodded
“It's warm, you do not need to wear a t-shirt. The straps over your shoulders are good enough”

The fact was I didn’t mind wearing a t-shirt. I felt comfortable with it. I would feel half naked if I just wore the overall. People would see my chest. This did not help, he kept on telling me I did not need a t-shirt. He even wanted me to take it off. I was saying no, and I was happy with it on. There was a sudden change in Omar that nearly scared me. He became quite demanding. I felt like crying when I slowly unbuckled my overall and took off my t-shirt. He smiled and asked did I feel better. I remained silent because I did not want to tell him that I did not. He told me that he did not want to see me with t-shirts on when I wore the overall. I felt as if I wanted to cry.

Omar changed the subject and said that he had a present for me. This made me smile as no one ever gave me a present before. I opened the package and could see it was Disney panties. The problem was that there were Disney princesses on them. He bought me girl panties! I did not want to make him mad, so I put them in my school bag and said thank you. Then he said he deserved a kiss because he gave me a present. I was in shock. Did he just say a kiss? Boys do kiss men! I really did not want to be stuck here in the middle of nowhere now. Everything was weird. He held a vitamin pill out for me and said I could take this. I gulped the vitamin pill down as that was better than giving a kiss. Once again, I was on a pink cloud.

The next thing I knew was that I was home in my bed at home. Today was so strange. I tried to remember what happened after the vitamin pill, but disgusting things were going through my mind. I had pictures in my mind of me sitting on his lap and kissing him. There were also pictures in my mind of him taking pictures of me as I stripped naked. The last ones were me giving him oral sex. When this went through my mind, I rushed to the bathroom and vomited. After I vomited, I went back to my room and found the panties. I threw them in my drawer.

Why were such disgusting images going through my head? Did he really make me do those things? It could not be true, as he was my friend. I walked out to the sitting room and seen Dad once again on the sofa watching sports. I really wanted to speak with him and hear what he thought, the problem was that he did not even notice me. I went back to my room and took a vitamin once again and was in another world for a while.

I was teased at school because I wore no t-shirt with my overall. My life could be no worse than it was at the time. For some reason, I spent all my spare time eating the few vitamin pills that he gave me. I also had a dilemma. I did not know if Omar molested me or not. Still, I promised to go to his family for dinner. Every bone in my body was telling me not to go.

When the weekend came, I went to Omar's house.

He had a mom and a few aunts and a lot of uncles. I did not understand a word that they said because it was in their language, it was a bit funny as it sounded that they all wanted to speak at one time. They didn’t speak, they shouted. I was a bit surprised that no one asked Omar why his friend was only 12 years old. Besides all of this, the food was great and there was so much. While they spoke, I was in my own world. I was thinking that this was what a family was like. I liked it when people spoke with each other and everyone seemed to like each other.

After dinner, we sat around the sitting room. No one really spoke with me, and I ended up sitting on Omar's lap. Others wanted me to sit on their laps, but Omar said no. I was happy about this. Once again, they were deep in a discussion that I could not understand. I did think about why I was there. Omar asked would I dance for them. When he said that, his mother told me to stand as she held a white dress in front of me. She muttered it would fit. I looked at Omar and said I did not want to dance. He smiled and said maybe next time.

I whispered in his ear saying that I had no Vitamin pills left.
“Do you really need them?” he asked
“Yes! I feel like my body is twisting and things now. They help me”

It was a bit embarrassing that everyone was listening. Omar said he had no tablets but could give me a vitamin shot. He told me to show him my arm. I hate needles, but I would do anything now. He gave me a shot. I felt this cold rush go through my veins. Afterwards, I was not on any pink cloud, but I was very giddy.

Omar sat me down again on his lap and laughed that I was giggling over nothing. He told me he wanted to tell me about some boys in Afghanistan. “Some boys in Afghanistan are not yet men and yet are very much liked by men. These boys like making men happy. They are in a way girlish and this does not bother them. These boys do not mind wearing a dress and dancing for men and making men happy. They are very special boys and we call them bacha boys.”

One of his uncles shouted Bacha Bazi.

Omar told me he wanted me to be a Bacha boy. I stopped giggling and was once again confused and in shock. Luckily it was time to go home.

The next few days was back to my normal life. Dad being a lazy sod on the sofa all the time, everyone ignoring me at school or teasing me and a life where I only had myself to speak with. There was one difference. I remember Omar's mom holding that dress against me and saying it would fit. I also remember being told about boys dressing up as girls and dancing. Omar wanted me to be one of these sissies! There was no way I was a sissy. I decided to test his theory. I found the panties he gave me and tried one with a picture of Mulan on them, I looked in the mirror and could not believe that I really looked like a girl. I also had to admit that the panties were comfortable and nice to wear. I decided to keep them on and wear panties under my clothes from now on. This did not mean I was a sissy!

I was happy that I did not need the vitamin pills. The shot worked, although I felt like my head was always fogged up and I could not think like I used to. My body started shaking after a few days and I thought I needed a new shot. It was good that I was visiting Omar again. As soon as I came to his house, I begged for the shot. He smiled and said we should eat first. So, everything was the same as the last time. After dinner and we were sitting, and they were discussing, Omar asked if I would dance. I said I did not want to as I was no sissy.

Omar became quite mad and said it was time for me to go home. I begged him for a shot, but he shoved me out the door, I never experienced him so mad.

The next few days were hell. My body was in agony. It was craving a tablet or even a shot. Not only this but boys noticed my panties at school during gym, so now everyone thought I was a sissy. They beat me up saying a sissy has long hair and wears panties. The worse thing was that I missed Omar. He was the only friend I had. I tried to ring him, but he said he had no time to talk. This meant I spent the next few days on the brink of tears all the time.

I was sitting on the steps once again when the fancy sports car pulled up. Amir got out with a pack. “I am sorry I was mad at you. I should not force you. It must be your own decision” he said, “The thing is that you are very feminine and you do not know it. That overall is a girl overall, your hair is long, and you have the cutest eyelashes that I ever did see.”

I could not argue against that. He gave me a shot and once again, my body settled down. Then he told me to think about dancing. He gave me a pack and said to let him know my answer.

When he went, I walked inside and opened the pack. It was tights and the white dress. My head was foggy and that is my excuse for trying them on. The tights were hard to put on but let me tell you my legs never felt so good. The material of the tights was hugging my legs and I felt like angels were dancing around them. The dress went down to my knees and was a bit fluffy. I looked in the mirror. Omar was right. No one could see that I was a boy! I went out to the sitting room where Dad was watching TV. I started dancing. I was a hopeless dancer and didn’t know what I was doing. It was also a bit exciting that I was dancing in front of Dad wearing a dress. It was embarrassing but exciting! The strangest thing was Dad looked at me for the first time in years and told me I was a good dancer. Then he looked at the TV again.

I wore the tights all the time after that.

I went to eat once again. It seemed like Omar still wanted to be my friend. After I was sitting on Omar's lap again and everyone was discussing in their language. At one stage, Omar asks me if I wanted to dance, I said I would for him. Before I knew what was happening, his mother took my hand and took me to a bedroom. I was standing up and three women were standing around me. One was a girl that was a small bit older than me. They were talking in their own language and started stripping me. This was so embarrassing. They only smiled when they saw I was wearing panties and tights and it was a relief that I could keep these on. They found this white dress and put it over my head. As it fell in place on me, I realized what I said yes to. They were dressing me as a sissy. Then one put my hair in a ponytail and I was told I was ready.

I was led back to the room and the men cheered. The song was “lady in red”. I was in the middle of the room and started to sway to the music. I still was not a good dancer, but it was nice being cheered on. After a bit, I didn’t mind dancing, and pretending to be a girl was not that bad. I liked getting the attention. The only thing I hated was when I came close to a man and he groped my bum. After I danced, I sat on Omar’s lap. He told me I was now a bacha boy. He gave me a shot.

I know I was confused, and in a way that shot he gave me helped me. The next few days I was confused. I didn’t care what the boys at school teased me about. I didn’t care that Dad did not notice me. I was in a daze, I had one friend that thought I should dance as a girl and when I did this, a whole bunch of people paid attention to me. Maybe it was for the wrong reason, but attention was attention and I loved it.

Omar changed after I danced the first time. He was far more demanding and expected me to do what he said. I never questioned him by this stage and just followed his orders. He wanted me to come to his house every second day and as soon as I came in the house, the woman would put girls’ clothes on me. Then I would help them serve food and later I would dance. Its like he no longer talked to me, but he spoke down to me. I never objected. In fact, once I heard him say that he owns me!

He still gave me shots, and I got more and more as I visited him more. He also gave me bags of girl clothes and expected me to dress like a girl when I was at home. I did this, and, in a few weeks, I was used to being a girl at home and at Omar's.

The dancing happened every time, and the women taught me how to dance better. I didn’t know that the moves were seductive. I just enjoyed the attention. There was one thing that I did not like. Omar would tell me to go into a bedroom where a man would treat me sexually as if I was a girl. It was pure molesting and sexual exploitation. It was embarrassing and it hurt both physically and emotionally. Omar tried to convince me that I liked it and Bacha boys made men happy. After a few weeks, I knew that he was no longer my friend and he was my pimp,

It was during one of these episodes that I was just finishing making some fat man happy and was sitting on Omar's lap after getting a shot. My head was extremely foggy, but I understood a small bit about what was being said. Omar was saying that I was now ready, and it was time he sold me to someone in Afghanistan so I would be a bacha boy there and would have a career for many years. I do not think that Omar knew what I was listening.

At home, I had no one to talk to. I needed advice. This man, who was my friend was now my pimp and he wanted to sell me and traffic me to some foreign country where a new pimp would own me, and I would have to be a girl all the time and please men. I did not want this and at the same time, I did not want the life that I had.

Omar finally told me his plan. He said I was ready. I told him I wanted to stay with him as he was my friend. He smiled and said this was out of the question. He had to find a new boy. I had a chance of being a bacha boy, but I would get a new owner and be in a new country. I would be a bacha boy all the time and sleep with men every day. If I did not want to do this, I could just go back to the life I had before.

I spent a few days thinking about this. I should have known from the start. Omar never wanted to be a friend. He wanted to prepare me for the life as a Bacha boy and make money off me. He was like the rest of the world. I had no friends and no one who liked me for the way I was. People thought I was a sissy and people like Omar knew I could make them money. What choice did I have? I could continue school and be teased and beaten up. I could live and starve with a Dad that did not even love me. I could be the way I was before.

I had two choices. I could commit suicide and end it all or agree with Omar that he could sell me.

I was to chicken to commit suicide.

I wore my white dress, with panties and tights. I kissed Dad on the cheek and told him I was leaving. I was to be a boy prostitute in a foreign country. Dad did not even answer. I walked down the street as a girl ready to meet my destiny. I noticed the burger stand was gone. As I walked down the street, an old pick up pulled up beside me. It was the burger man. He asked me to sit in the truck.

“I noticed this foreign man and you became close,” he started, “I was afraid of what was happening to you. One day when I was going home, I saw you in the window of your flat wearing this dress you are wearing now and dancing. I thought this boy must be transgendered, as you usually wear that overall. Then I had a friend that knew Omar's family and he told me everything. He told me Omar finds cute boys, pretends to be their friends, gets them addicted to drugs and at the end sells them to be prostitutes. I also spoke with your neighbour that told me about your home life.”

The burger man's name was Edward. He was not married and lived by himself. He told me he was moving to another town and wanted to take me with him. He knew me now for years and wanted to take care of me. It was my choice. I could go to Omar or be with Edward.

I chose Edward which was the best thing I ever did in my life. We reported Omar to the police and it was a national story, which was embarrassing as everyone knew what I did. Edward convinced me that I could save other boys from the same fate and no boy should be a bacha boy! I ended up telling everything I told here in court. Omar and many of his friends were now in jail for a long time.

As for me, Edward got Dad to sign adoption papers, so Edward was now officially my Dad. To be honest I do not think Dad knew what he was signing. Edward got me a whole bunch of boy’s clothes at the second-hand shop and my hair was cut. Edward loved me for who I was. He was strict and always had advice. He never abused me or hurt me in any way. I started at a new school and was not bullied or teased. I loved helping my new Dad at a new burger restaurant he opened.

The worse was that I had nightmares about being pimped out. Edward would wake up and sit by my bed and tell me that I was safe. The only thing I had with my past was that at weekends, I was his daughter. This was my idea and my choice. I felt like part of me was a girl and wanted to be a girl at times. Edward never teased me about it but got me some girl clothes, so I could be a weekend girl.

The most important thing was that I was now happy!

Barbies Diary

September 10
Hi, diary,
My name is Barbie. Everyone calls me Barbie because I am small and I have long blond hair. I am the smallest in my class. My real name is Ashley. Before you ask, I do not like Barbie's. I never played with them. I suppose when you have hair down to your shoulders, then people think you look like a girl and call you Barbie. I am eleven years old.
I got this diary today. So I might as well write in it. It is a purple one with a bear and heart on the cover. It has a lock on it. I might as well use it. It could be fun reading about it a year after. It does look like a girl’s diary. Maybe boys don't write diaries.
I got the diary from my new step mum. My mum died when I was young. Now, dad has got married again. He didn't ask me. We have to move to step mums new house. She has a daughter that is 9 and a son that is 16.
They got married today. It was OK. I sat there thinking that I had a new mum. But I'm not going to call her mum. I have one mum. It’s not my fault she’s dead. After the wedding and party, we came home to their house. It was now going to be my new family and house. I was no longer the only child. I even had to share a room with Isabella, who was 9. I would much prefer to share a room with Alex, but Stepsie (I call step mum that) said it would be better with Isabella.
The room was pink with some red. The ceiling was cool though. It has clouds and a rainbow. Otherwise, everything was pink. There were 2 beds and her toys were all over the place. Mine was still in boxes. Her bed was a girl’s bed too. It had Hannah Montana on it. At least I had my Spiderman sheets. Anyway, I was too tired after the long day, and I didn't care where I slept. Wow, see how much I wrote. If my teacher saw this, she would think that I could write an essay. I will say goodnight.

September 11
Hi Diary,
Last night was strange. I like Isabella. She speaks a lot. Last night I could hardly sleep because she kept on talking and talking. That's the good thing about writing to a diary. You can't talk back. She put her nightie on and looked at my pj.
"Those are so ugly," she said, "my nightie is much prettier."
"It would look ugly on me," I tried to say. It was a joke.
"No, I don't think so."
I thought she was weird. Whoever heard of a boy wearing nighties? I bet you think that was a weird diary. But wait to I tell you what happened next. As we lay in bed, I looked over at Isabella. I couldn't believe my eyes, she was sucking a pacifier. She was too old to be using a baby’s thing.
"Isabella, why are you sucking that?"
"Because I like it."
"Yeah, but you look like a baby."
"It helps me to sleep. I'm not a baby and don't call me that anymore."
I just lay in my bed and thought she was weird. Then she came over to me with a dummy and placed it beside my pillow. "Try it; you will also fall asleep much easier." She also gave me a fluffy carebear. No way was I going to use a dummy. I was 11 years old.
As I looked around the pink room, I thought why Dad didn't tell them that this was also a boy’s room, and boys shouldn't be in pink rooms. Then I thought of my Mom and needless to say I started to cry silently. I don't know why I did it, but I hugged the care bear and sucked on the pacifier.
Maybe it reminded me of when my mom was there. Isabella was right, I slept so well.

September 12
Hi Diary,
The next morning I woke up, something was wrong. I wet the bed. I couldn't believe it. It has been years since I wet the bed. I was sitting on the wet bed thinking how I was going to sneak everything out when Stepsie (step mum) came in. She told us to get up. Isabella was as chirpy as a bird and told her mum that she helped me go to sleep by giving me one of her pacifiers. I was so embarrassed. I wished that the ground would swallow me up. Still, I hid under the covers while Stepsie found clothes for Isabella.
"Now it’s your turn, Ashley."
"I can get dressed; I can wait until you go out"
"Nonsense," she said as she pulled the bed sheets back. She noticed that I wet the bed and despite the fact that I tried to explain it never happened, she just was silent as she started to undress me. Isabella couldn't keep her mouth shut, "Mum, he called me a baby last night because I use pacifiers."
"I-I-I didn't call you a baby. I said that only babies-"
"Well, who looks like a baby now?" said Stepsie as I laid there in a wet bed and a pacifier in my mouth. I quickly spat it out.
Stepsie gave me a hug and said it was probably because of the changes in the family and maybe it was just for one night. "If it is the same tonight, we can use Isabella's old protection so you won't be so embarrassed."
Protection, what could that be?? I got dressed and didn't think about it all day until I went to bed. After saying my prayers, I played in my bed thinking about this new family and then I thought of my Mum. I started to cry silently. Stepsie came in and noticed I was crying and didn't say a word; she just put a pacifier in my mouth and kissed me on the forehead.
"I bought you six pacifiers today, as you shouldn't be using Isabella's."
I layed on my bed and start writing this. It's a good thing that you have a lock on because I am about to write a secret. I really don't mind pacifiers. They soothe me. Make me sleep better. To tell you the truth I am getting to like pink too.

September 13
Hi, again Diary,
The next morning was the same. I woke up with a wet bed. Isabella was nice about it but I could see that stepsie was annoyed. She took off my wet pj. I stood there naked and I must have gone red all
Over. "Mum, isn't Barbie a boy?"
"Yes sweetie, why?" Stepsie asked Isabella.
"Look at his thingie, it's so small," she laughed
"Yes," Stepsie said, "He could nearly be a girl. Who knows?"
She put me over her knee and started spanking me. This hurt like anything. It was more embarrassing that I lay over her knee half naked while Isabella could just see me. And Isabella thought I looked like a girl. As I screamed and cried, I thought that it would never end. The stepsie told Isabella to slap me 5 times. I didn't understand why my new half-sister also should spank me. Even though she has a small hand, it hurt.
I was then told that I shouldn't wet the bed. As I layed on her I cried.
Stepsie put the pacifier in my mouth and calmed me down. I noticed that the pacifier was pink and white!!!
Then Stepsie said that we will have to do something with the bed wetting. Maybe a plastic sheet would help I thought. I knew that a girl from my class used them when she was younger.
That evening when I came home from school, Stepsie called me into my room. Or should I call it the pink princess room? She told me to lie down on my bed. I thought I was going to be spanked for talking in class that day.
However, she told me to lie down on my back. Isabella came in and she knew what was going to happen. I could see it on her face, and let’s face it, she knew her mom better than I did.
Stepsie started by taking my trousers down. This was embarrassing; once again my privates were shown for everyone to see. I should have fought it and ran as far as my 2 legs would take me. But I just layed there. Then the surprise of my life came when Stepsie came with a diaper. A pampers baby diaper.
"We have to protect the bed and you will find it easier sleeping in it with a diaper on."
"I am not a baby!" I protested.
"Well, only babies wet their beds. It makes no difference. Every day when you get home you will wear a diaper."
"Why can’t I wear it just before I go to sleep?"
"Because this is the rule, as your new mum, I decide."
By the time we finished arguing, I had a diaper on. It was big and I felt like an 11-year-old baby. They put my pj on and then I started doing my homework. After a bit, I forgot that I was wearing a diaper.
That was until I came down to watch TV. Isabella was very nice about it and didn't tease at all. But then John, my new stepbrother came in and noticed my big bum while I was lying down on the floor.
"Are you wearing a diaper?" he asked
"Sod Off. None of your business," I retorted
"OMG, we have a baby in the house. A Diaper boy. This is so weird."
I hated being teased and could feel a tear flow down my cheek.
Isabella ran out of the room and just stuck a pacifier in my mouth again.
I started sucking. What was happening to me?

September 16
Hi Diary,
Sorry I didn't write to you sooner. I have no excuse. I am wearing the diaper every afternoon when I come home from school. The funny thing was that I started to wet the diaper. I don't know why, but I think it's because I waited until the last minute and when I tried to get to the toilet, then it was too late. Maybe I was lazy. I most likely was. Today when I came home from school and I was getting the diaper on. As my legs were pointed in the air, I started thinking that it is not that bad. My heart started to beat faster when I had to admit that I liked having diapers on. I no longer minded them. What was happening to me? Am I now a baby? I was no longer a big boy. I was lying down getting a diaper on and I didn't care.
When the diaper was finally fastened, Stepsie came with a nightdress. It was new with white and pink arms with a picture of the Little Mermaid. Again she just slid it over me and did I put a fight up? No. I just accepted it as if it was normal. Then the thought hit me. I was wearing a girl’s nightdress!!!
"This is for girls," I said.
"I know, however it will be easier to change you before bed."
"But I look like a sissy!"¨
"Maybe, but a cute sissy."
I hate being called cute.

September 18
Dear Diary,
When I was doing my homework, I started to think that I felt like a girl. With my hair down to my shoulders, I mostly looked like a girl. This was strange. You know what the problem is, I sort of liked it. It made me feel different than the others. Here I was an 11-year-old boy sitting doing my homework dressed in a girls nightdress and a diaper, and I allowed it!
Stepsie shouted up if I was wet. I was, of course, wet, but I didn't want to get changed. I wanted to get my homework finished. She came up and asked was I sure that I was wet and I said no. I really hated her.
She came up to me and lifted my nightie and seen the wetness. She lifted me onto the bed to change me. This was embarrassing. I know I was small for my age, but I could walk.
Then she said, "Since you can't tell me when you're wet, you will be checked. Otherwise, you will get a rash. What are you afraid of; I will see your thingie? Let me tell you this much, there is not a lot to see."
I told her to shut up. She went out with a smile on her face. I know that my thingie was small, but she shouldn't tease me about it. She shouldn't even talk about it!!!
Later that night, I got a shock. Isabella came in when I was playing a computer game. She asked if I was wet. I didn't answer. Then she pulled up my nightie. She said that she will tell stepsie that I was wet. I sat there in shock. I felt like a baby.

September 21
Dear Diary,
Remember when I told you that I didn't play with Barbie's. Well, that is not true now. I have started playing with Isabella's things. Her dolls and dollhouse. It is actually fun. I like it. I like when I play with her. We have become very close friends, even though she calls me sister. I suppose when I am sitting in a nightdress that I do look like a girl.
Isabella still checks to see if I'm wet. I don't mind that anymore. I think she likes it as sometimes she does take her time checking me.
Anyhow tonight Stepsie came into our room when we were playing and said, "It's time girls for your bath." Isabella jumped up and ran out to the bathroom. I just sat there; she did say that it was a girl’s bath.
Then stepsie came up and took my hand and dragged me out to the bathroom. It was now that I was certain that stepsie was starting to consider me as a girl. Isn't this against the law???? I suppose it didn't matter. It was only a nightie and a girl’s bath. It was only girl’s toys and long hair. I am still a boy. I think.
It was strange sitting in the same bath with Isabella. I know she has seen me before, but this was freaky. What if my mates at school heard? They would think that I fancied Isabella. All these thoughts went through my head while stepsie was washing me. What would my friends say to that? My step mum was washing me. They would think I was weird. In the end, Isabella and I played in the tub until we were told to come out because our skin will be wrinkled as an old man. While Isabella put her big girl's clothes on, I was put in my nightie and diaper with a Pacifier in my mouth.

September 23
Hi Diary,
Let’s hope that no one can read this. If people knew that I was an eleven-year old that wore diapers at home and nightdresses. If they knew that I liked pacifiers and girls toys. Then they would lock me away for life. They would ask why I don’t say no. It would be hard to explain that I really don't care. I kind of like it.
I was now bed wetting every night. I could not control it. Every morning when I woke up I would have a wet diaper. The same when I was wearing a diaper after school. I started noticing that I could not get to the toilet on time.
Today at school, I just made it to the toilet. But as I was taking my trousers down, I started to pee. Some of it could be seen in my trousers.
It wasn't very wet, but I got scared. I told Stepsie that when she was putting me in a diaper when I came home from school. She said that she had thought that this would be a problem and it would be better tomorrow.
I smiled as she found my pacifier. Things were going to get better. Maybe she would give me medicine or potty train me.

September 24
Dear Diary,
When I woke up, I was of course wet. Stepsie came in and started changing me. She had my school uniform ready. Then she took pull-ups and explained that it was underwear but it had padding in it in case I had
The same accident as yesterday. She said she bought pink and white ones with Minnie mouse as a fairy because she thought they were so cute. It looked like girls panties, just a lot thicker.
As she started putting it on me, I started thinking if I should protest.
One thing is being a baby at home, but wearing diapers to school could ruin my life. And if they found out they were pink, then I might as well hide myself.
I didn't protest.
The Pull-up made my butt look very big under the trousers. I was sure that someone at school would notice.
However no one did and it was good that I had it on, because the same thing happened as it did yesterday. I didn't make it to the toilet on time. No one noticed, but I was afraid all day that it would leak, that someone would see it or something else.
Stepsie told me that she had a solution to that.

September 25
Dear Diary
Today is the second day where I would be wearing a pull-up to school. Stepsie told me that she had bought me something that would keep me warm. I wasn't cold. I just wanted to make sure that my friends didn't find out about the diaper. Now I had something else to worry about.
After Stepsie put the pull-up on me, she put an undershirt. But it was obviously a girl’s one. It had straps around the shoulders and a little pink ribbon. This was not the worse. She started putting tights on me. They were white and not that thick. They felt funny against my legs.
Lucky I got my uniform on. I was a boy on the outside and a girl hidden under.

September 26
Dear Diary.
You are now my best friend. There is no one else I can write about the weird things that are happening to me. I told you about yesterday. Step put me in Pull-ups and tights and a girlie undershirt. When she did it, I didn’t care. I mean my school uniform was over it, and that was still a boys uniform. No one would know, would they? I didn’t even think about until I came to school.
But when I was in school. I went past a trophy case. I could see my reflection in the glass. Oh my gosh, my butt was so big. I stared at the reflection for a few minutes thinking if anyone else could see the big butt. My best friend Philip laughed and told me that I look nice, even with my long blond hair.
We had maths afterwards. I hate Maths. I really do. In the middle of the class, I could feel that I was getting wet. I could feel a tear coming to my eye. I tried to wipe it away and control myself from crying. I didn’t want Philip or anyone in the class thinking I was crying like a little girl.
But I was a little girl. Look at my hair. It was down to my shoulder, I always had long hair. I was wearing tights and a girl’s undershirt. I was even wearing a pull up because I could no longer get to the toilet on time. What was happening to me? It can’t be normal. It can’t be normal that I didn’t even say no to these things that Stepsie was putting on me. It can’t be normal that I didn’t tell her that I wanted to be a boy.
But do I want to be a boy? Maybe I like the attention that Stepsie is giving to me. I miss my Mum so much that I really don’t mind her fussing over me. I don’t mind being treated like a little girl. Well, I didn’t when it was at home. But now I am slowly turning into a girl at school.
Dear Diary, when I started writing this, I could feel the tears once again. Now I am crying like anything. Without even knowing it, I have put the pacifier in my mouth. I have decided that I will no longer be a girl. I am a boy. I will say no to Stepsie and I will get dad to help me. But now, he is always at work.
Did he just get married so someone will take care of me? Does he really love me? Does he not see what is happening?
I have to go to sleep now.

Barbie’s Diary - Part 2

September 27
Hi Diary
Sorry about last night. I went on and on didn’t I? I am so sorry. Just who else can I tell about these problems to? A lot has happened today. I don’t know where to start.
When I got up I was wet. Stepsie (Step Mum) came in and started changing me. I actually stood up to her and said that I can change myself. She is so strong and she hardly even listened to me. I kept on shouting that I could change myself and I didn’t want to wear girls’ underwear or tights. To be honest I was in doubt about the pull-up. What’s best, having a big butt or wet trousers? I suppose a pull up is.
Stepsie didn’t listen to me. She just struggled with me as she started putting the undershirt with the stupid ribbon on. However, this undershirt had a drawing of a princess on it. I started to panic and thought what will happen if my mates could see the drawing through my shirt. I was not going to take any chance.
When she went to get the tights, I took off the princess undershirt. I was screaming that I was not a girl and that I didn’t want to wear girly clothes and that I can put my own clothes on. As usual, I was crying like anything. That’s so embarrassing.
Step then got mad at put me over her knee and started spanking me. “Listen. When I first moved in here, I didn’t want a son. I hate boys. However, I loved you because I could see that you were a girl trapped in a boys’s body. For God’s sake, you have long hair and you are so fragile, you have a girls head. Even your thingie is so small that you look like a girl. I also saw the way you looked at Philip (my best friend) and even your stepbrother Alex. You look at them with girls eyes. So get this in your head. You are a girl. You are a sissy! A Sissy that pees in her own trousers. You are a pissy sissy and I am only helping you. I hope you now understand baby Barbie!”
My head hurt when she said this. Maybe it was because I was crying so hard. My head was spinning. She called me a sissy. She thinks I am a sissy. She said that I was a girl in a boy’s body. She thinks I was a girl even before she met me and she was just helping me.
I couldn’t believe it. She called me a sissy. And she called me baby Barbie when my head was starting to go around and around in turmoil. I hate when she talks about my diapers. It’s so embarrassing and it’s not my fault.
Then it hit me. What did she mean the way I looked at Philip. How did I look at him like a girl would? Did I look at him like I fancied him? Do I fancy him? I think he is hot and I like when we wrestle. But do I love him? Did Stepsie think I was a gaybo? Am I?
I snapped out of my thoughts. Stepsie dressed me in my clothes. I was once again a boy, but if you took off the clothes, I had girl’s tights and undershirt on with a pull-up.
Step said Go to school Baby Barbie. I said nothing. I was mad and confused.

September 30
Dear diary
It’s been a few days. But there was nothing to write until today. I tried a few times to stand up to Stepsie, but every time I spoke to her that I am a boy, she spanks me and calls me names like diaper Barbie, sissy, girl, baby and once she said I was gay. I am afraid of her and I couldn’t decide if she is a witch or not. I wanted dad to come home from his business trip. I needed him.
Nothing happened in school. At least that’s good that no one knows that I am a sissy and I can’t go to the toilet like anyone else.
However today I came home from school early, as I skipped PE (gym)
I entered the house quietly and heard Stepsie on the phone. Here is what I heard. I will write it as I could remember it, and then you can decide Diary if I should be worried…
“… Everything is going fine…. Yes, he has a boy who is eleven years old… He is strange… long hair and he is small and not very developed. He’s a weakling and he cries over the smallest things… he started wetting the bed after I moved in… I think he misses his mum…. She was a bitch in school; she teased me because she thought I was a tomboy… No, I told my husband that we were at the same school and didn’t know each other…. If she could see what I was doing to her son now she would be sorry for the way she treated me at school…. Revenge is sweet, fun too… well, where do I start? I am turning him into a sissy…. He wears nightdresses and tights and undershirts… I have just bought him clothes, but he never noticed they were indeed girl’s clothes…. Soon he won’t be a sissy; he will be a girl….. I can’t wait for his first dress…. That sounds like a good ideal…. The diapers weren’t part of the plan but he wears them all the time at home, otherwise, he wears cute girl panties…. And uses pacifiers… yes, maybe he should get a bottle more….. A crib, that’s going too far….. Maybe….. His dad? He is always at work. He saw him in his nightdresses and didn’t say a word. The only thing he said is to take him to the doctor for his bladder…. Yes, the bitch can watch all this from her grave….. Yes, I never thought that Ashley was also a girl’s name….. Well, I got to go.”
After I heard this conversation on the phone, I went to my room and after Stepsie put me in a baby diaper and nightdress I looked at my clothes. She was right they were all new clothes. Tights as usual. However, there were socks with ruffles on them. There were trousers with no zips in the geekiest girl colours. They were red and light blue and some were even pink. Even the jeans had flowers sewn in them. My old clothes were gone.
What was the phone call all about? Was it my mum she was talking about? Did she use to know her? Did my mum tease her and this was now revenge that I was going to be made into a girl? Things couldn’t get worse, nor could they???

October 1
Dear diary
I still can’t help thinking about the telephone call with Stepsie and whoever it was. It sounded like she was trying to turn me into a girl. At the same time, she told me already that I was a girl inside. Maybe I was meant to be born as a girl but somehow came out as a boy. I mean when I have these new clothes or nightdress on you would really think that I was a girl. I am so confused. Am I really a girl or am I a boy?
Today when I came home from school, Stepsie told me not to put my nightdress on. I was still to wear the big diaper with some plastic panties, but I was to put on some other clothes. I put on the jeans with the flowers and a white ´top with strawberries and some lace. My butt looked extremely big with the diaper and anyone would have to be a blind bat to see that it wasn’t a diaper under it.
Then Isabella came in the door, with her best friend Maria. She was going to sleep over. My heart started to beat faster than anything it did before. How was I supposed to survive this?
Maria looked at me and started smiling. I smiled a bit back and said I will go up to our room. I really wanted to hide. Here I was wearing girl’s clothes, although Stepsie called them unisex or something like that. I just wanted to hide in bed until Maria went home the next day.
However, it didn't last that long. Isabella and Maria came up to the room. Maria looked at me and said. "Why are you wearing girl’s clothes"?
"I'm not"
"You are"
Then the worse thing happened that I could imagine. Isabella started telling Maria that I had a small thingie and that is why she thought I was really a girl. Not only this, but she told her that I peed in my pants so I had to wear diapers.
"Even though Ashley is older than me, he is a baby because he wets himself. He also uses pacifiers and sometimes bottles."
Maria laughed so high that she fell on Isabella's bed. I wished that the ground would swallow me up.
Isabella continued, "He’s really like my little sister"
Maria couldn't believe her ears. She laughed and laughed then stopped with a confused face. She just sat on the bed and looked at me with a funny face. It was obvious that she didn't believe a word of what Isabella told her. Then again she could see that I was wearing strange clothes and this confused her. I think she also looked at my bum and could see it was a bit big.
"You’re a sissy?" she said
" NOOOoo." I said
"You’re a diaper boy?"
“Stop"
"Sissy pissy," she said and started laughing. I started walking towards the door but Isabella was in the way. The next ten minutes must have been the two girls teasing me. I just sat down pretending to do homework, but of course, I couldn't.
Then Maria told me she wanted to see my diaper. I, of course, said no way, but she kept on asking. Then Isabella told her that she was allowed to see if I was wet,
Maria asked how and Isabella explained while showing, "I don't ask Barbie because he lies. So I just look. It’s fun when I have cold hands because Barbie goes red in the face. Oh, he’s wet. I better tell Mum"
Maria laughed that I was wet. She said it proved that I was a little baby girl. Anyhow the next humiliating part came when stepsie came in with Isabella and said that I had to lie down on the bed while she changes me. I expected her to tell the girls to get out, and when she didn't, I reminded her.
"We are all girls here," she said.
For the thousandth time today, I wished that the ground would just swallow me up. As Stepsie started to take off my clothes, I could see Maria's eyes becoming bigger and bigger. As I lay there as the day I was born. Tears started to come to my eyes and after Isabella stuck a pacifier in my mouth, I just closed my eyes. I know it was stupid of me. If I couldn't see them then they couldn't see me. Although I could hear them laughing, I just thought of everything else besides what was happening. In the end, Stepsie put me in a nightie; I think it didn't even shock Maria. I suppose after all she saw until now she couldn't get any more shocked. I felt like a right sissy in the nightdress.
But dear Diary.... it wasn't over yet. Isabella went out into the kitchen, letting me and Maria stare at each other. Isabella came back with a bottle. She expected me to play the baby and drink the bottle. I, of course, said no. Then Isabella waved her brush and boasted that she spanked me a few times. I wasn't going to be spanked by two girls so I just decided to be part of their baby game. I laid my head on Maria's lap and she started giving me the bottle.
Then I could feel my heart beating faster. I could hardly breathe. I asked Maria to promise to tell no one about this. I know it was a big promise because if it was me I would probably tell the whole world. She said she would think over it,
I didn't know whether to believe her or not and I didn't want to be anyone’s slave. But I begged her not to tell a living soul. Deep down I knew that this meant everyone will start thinking that I am a girl and not a boy

October 4
Dear Diary
It was a lot that I wrote last time, wasn't it?
Anyhow today was another strange day. It started as usual as Stepsie dressed me and all that. As usual, I was a girl underneath and a boy on top.
I got used to this. I was very careful to make sure that my school bag was closed so no one could see the extra pull-ups that were hidden at the bottom. I also made sure that my shirt was tucked in and tied up to the top so no one could see who was hidden below it. By now I thought that my secret was safe. Even after Maria's visit, no one teased me about being a girl the day afterwards, so I didn't think that she told her. I suppose who would believe her
However today my best mate Philip found out. I’ll tell you how it happened.
It was during the break. I took my bag and went to the toilets to change the pull-up. He asked me why I don’t leave the school bag in the classroom. I went sort of white. I felt a bit like I was going to faint. I pretended that I didn't hear him. I pretended also not to hear him when he asked what was taking so long.
After we ate, I forgot the whole thing. We were on the playground in the shelter area. We were sitting on the ground eating our lunches. After lunch, we were joking about how much we hated Maths. I suppose I should say that we only had our coats on, and the ground was a bit cold for Philip. Not so much for me. Pull-ups are good for something like that.
Anyhow, we started wrestling. I love wrestling. I don't know why. Then after a few minutes when I was on top of Philip, he went totally silent and still. I could feel his hand rubbing my butt. I knew the secret was out. I mean he would have to be a total idiot to know that the butt was well covered. His arm started felling my butt and to tell the truth, a part of me didn't want him to stop.
"Are you wearing a diaper?" he asked. What was I going to say? I didn't want my best friend to start hating me.
"I can explain. I have problems. I can’t get to the toilet on time and I started wetting my bed."
"Oh," he said as he continued as he rubbed my butt. "I thought you looked strange down there and you haven't been to PE in a few weeks, but I never guessed that-... I never guessed this."
Once again I started to cry. My secret was out. I started telling Philip about it all. The nappies, the nightie, the tights and underwear. He asked what My Dad said to all this and I said that he was never home. But he probably didn't love me anymore anyhow. The tears flowed out. I felt like a baby, but I was so afraid that Philip would hate me from now on.
Then we sat up and he gave me a hug saying that we were still friends and always will be. He didn't know what else to say so he just kept hugging me for ages. I stopped crying and just let him hug me. I thought it was nice. I had sort of butterflies in my stomach.
One of the older boys shouted that we were gay. So we stopped. He just started pointing at us and called us gay and he saw us kissing, which wasn't true. After he went away I told Philip that everyone will think that we were Gay
“So we know the truth. Anyhow if we were in love, we wouldn't be Gay, because you look like a girl and you dress like a girl."
I didn't know if that was an insult or compliment
Then I thought of what Stepsie told me, that I had feelings for Philip.
No, I'm not in love with him
Am I?

October 9
Hi
I mean dear Diary
I suppose I can say hi.
Today Dad came home. He knew I wet the bed but he got into a fight with stepsie. I suppose I better start at the beginning.
When I came home from school dad was there. I was so happy that he was home. I really missed him. And this time he would be home for a week and even more. You can understand why I was so happy.
Stepsie then gave me a present. I thought at first that she was just being nice because Dad was here.
When I opened the package it was a leotard. It was black. Step mum told me to try it on. I did. Dad was outraged.
"He looks like a girl."
Stepsie said that she bought me the leotard because I was going to start dancing. While I felt like fainting. Dad laughed as if he did not believe what he just heard. Maybe he thought it was a joke.
I shouted at the top of my voice that I was not going to start ballet. Step said "You wear diapers and like girl’s clothes. Do you think you are able to decide? I don’t think so"
Dad looked at me asking me was this the truth. He must be blind if he didn't know. But maybe he didn't think I liked it. I bet he must have thought I was a lost cause because I liked it.
I ran out into up to my room. I supposed it was good that my dad didn't know that in the middle of the argument that I wet myself. As I sat up in my room I heard that Dad and stepsie argued for some time. In the beginning, I was happy that he was doing it. Maybe now I will be treated normally. But then I was afraid. Could I get my bladder under control? At the end it didn’t make any difference, as I could hear that Stepsie was putting her foot down, telling him that she knew what was best for me. Dad just became quiet at the end. He came up to my room and looked at me and rolled his eyes towards heaven. "You’re a lost Cause," he mumbled.

October 12
Dear Diary
After I spoke to you the last time, nothing has gone well.
The day after Dad left on a business trip again. Stepsie was mad at him and that meant she was mad at me. She told me that I won’t be seeing him much more because I was a "puff" and "sissy". I disappointed my dad because he wanted an all football star and he will get a ballet dancer that pees in his diapers.
I am now under Stepsies control. She decides what I wear and when I wear it and what I do. I am confused. I don't know if I like it or not.
OK. I will be honest. I like it. I like the girl’s clothes and even the diapers. I just don't want anyone to know that I like it. I don't want anyone to know anything about it.
That changed today. We had PE and were supposed to change in our gym clothes. We had PE in the afternoon, so you can imagine what panic I was going through all morning. How was I to change my clothes? They would see my diapers and tights. All morning I thought that this would be the end of my life. When people found out that I wet myself and wore girl things, then I would be teased and hated and laughed at by everyone.
When PE came. I walked slowly into the changing room. I didn't know what to do. I could tell that everyone was looking at me, although I knew deep down they were not. Then I got an idea. I would get changed in the toilet.
I rushed to the toilet and took off my clothes and left the pull up on. I quickly put shorts over it and a tracksuit. OK, I had a big butt, but this if anyone didn't notice that, then they must be blind. Anyhow, a big butt is better than a wet butt.
I came into Gym class. Disaster hit me straight away. The Coach told me just to have shorts on. So reluctantly I took off the bottoms. Now the big Butt was there for everyone to see.
Everything went fine until we sat in a ring at the end to discuss how everything went. Then I could feel people were staring at me. Without thinking, I sat with my legs apart so they can see them. I could see that some were in shock and others just started laughing. Something funny happened, I liked them looking up the shorts even though it was embarrassing.
Oh My, I was becoming an exhibitionist.
After PE, it’s like they all wanted to look at them. I didn’t notice them teasing. I just noticed a few that were trying to feel them. Especially Philip, that somehow managed to put his hand down them on my butt. I never felt so many butterflies in my stomach as I did now.
I didn’t even mind the teasing, as I thought I would.
I am Changing

October 13
Dear Diary
Today stepsie kept me home from School. She said that we were going out to buy clothes. I knew what this meant. What I did not expect was that when she came into my room and started changing me, but this time they were not pull-ups, but taped baby diapers. Great now my but will look bigger. But what I saw next shocked me. She bought out this denim spaghetti dress; you know them with the straps over the shoulder. It had a heart on the front. Then she put tights on me and Mary Jane's. You know what the strange thing was, it was that I just sat there and let her dress me like a girl. I should have kicked and screamed, but in my head, I was starting to think that this was normal now. I was no longer a cool normal boy. I wasn’t even a sissy anymore. I wanted to be a girl and that was why I was letting her do this to me. Maybe stepsie, who I once thought was an evil witch, seen this in my eyes because she smiled and gave me a kiss on my forehead.
Then it stroke me. She was taking me out as a girl. I started thinking of everyone that would see me. Would people recognize me? It is good that my friends are at school. But what would happen if people really knew what I had between my legs? It is almost like Stepsie could read my mind because she said that I would just have to be as girlish as possible. That wasn’t hard. I have been girlish since she came into our house.
Luckily we went to a mall far away. It was hard getting out of the car. But once we walked around in the mall, I forgot everything. It was so fun looking at everything.
After a while, I got tired of walking. We sat on a bench. Everyone smiled at us when they walked by us and then some boys started pointing. Then Stepsie told me to close my legs because they could see my diaper. Believe me when I say my face went totally red. No wonder they were laughing. I suppose a few weeks ago if I was there, I would be laughing as well.
Then was Lunchtime. As we sat and ate Stepsie asked me, “Are you a girl or boy”
“I feel like a girl” I responded slowly. I was afraid others would hear what we were talking about.
“You are a girl. Well from today you will be a girl. I will tell you about that later.”
“What will Dad say? He hates me because he thinks I am a sissy.”
“Don’t worry about your dad, Soon he won’t be a problem.” She said. I didn’t quite understand that.
“Now we are going over to my friend. He makes clothes and promised me he will make clothes for you”
“Why can’t we just go to a clothes store?” I hoped she wouldn’t get mad at me
“Because we need you in little girl clothes. And they are hard to buy.”
“Does he know… you know?”
“No, he does not know you need diapers or that you are a sissy puff at the moment. It will be interesting what he does if he does know” I was very confused about what this meant, but I knew now not to complain about what she had plans for.
When we came into the designer's shop, I heard stepsie tell him what I should have. Dresses and clothes that a 4-year-old would wear. This shocked me as I am 11, not 4! Taylor was a puff. You could see it on him. You know his hand's wave all over the place and he speaks with a weird voice. To him, I was just another girl with a step mum that should be locked in a padded cell.
He told stepsie that he would have to measure me up and led me into a small room. I was shaking. What would he do when he saw the diaper and what would he do when he saw I was a boy. He started caressing my chest before he took off my dress.
“Oh, I see you are flat. That’s good for the type of clothes you need.”
I just went red.
“And what have we here. The poor girl wears diapers. Do you wee yourself?”
“I suppose”
“That is OK. So these clothes are like a punishment so"
Once again I went red. Then I saw him staring at me. He could see I was a boy or a sissy. He measured me saying nothing but had a weird smile on.
That was a long day. My first day wearing a dress and even into town. And the day where I accepted that I was more girl than I thought I was.
When we came home Dad was very sick. He was vomiting.

Barbies Diary - Part 3

October 14
Dear Diary
Dad was sick again today. Everything was back to normal. I wore girl clothes and a nappy under my boy’s clothes.
Dad was very sick. He looked like he was nearly dead.
At breakfast time Isabella looked at me she smiled and without me protesting put a bib on me.
At School, I was afraid. They all knew I wore diapers. They would probably tease me and tease me. This was true. It was like as if all eyes were staring my way. Some were even calling me baby and piss pants and some names I never even heard about. I was nearly in tears. But I decided then they would not win. I tried keeping my head high and letting them believe what they wanted to believe. This was not that easy
A few rubbed my butt as I walked past them in the hallway. Then they laughed and said that it was thicker than they thought.
Philip walked with me when he saw me. He tried consoling me saying that after a while they would not tease me. They would get tired of it. I just smiled, but even I knew better.
After School. On the way home, we sat in the Park. He had his arm around my shoulders. He was still trying to console me. Then something strange happened, Philip kissed me on the lips. Not a French kiss but I was kissed by a boy! I pulled away and then asked him what he was doing. He just said that he wanted to. I told him that is so Gay but let him do it.
Diary, I smiled.

October 17
Dear Diary.
Things have been going well. The other day Philip asked me if I will be his girlfriend. I was shocked when he said, girlfriend. I thought he would say, boyfriend. I softly said yes. He said we should keep it a secret.
Now he comes home to me every day and can’t wait to I change my clothes into one of my new dresses. Then we kiss and kiss. I am in love. I do feel like a girl with him.
I suppose stepsie was right. I am gay. It’s hard to accept. But I can live with it as long as no one knows. I have a strange life. It’s also OK once others don’t know
I lied; I said things are going well. That’s not true. Dad has been sick for weeks now. He just lies on the bed and can’t eat. He doesn’t even remember me anymore. Stepsie says he would get better and doesn’t need a doctor. I am worried that he doesn’t remember me. Maybe he doesn’t want to remember a son that wears dresses and diapers.

October 19
Dear Diary
Isabella had her friend around today. Stepsie said they could babysit me. That was embarrassing as I am older than her.
They started by playing baby. I had to lie on Maria's lap while she gave me a baby bottle. Of course, I was wet, so I had two giggling girls changing me.
I thought could things get worse. They did.
Isabella told me to put on her panties and put my ballet leotard and panties on. I really don’t know why I had them because I never did start in Ballet. Maybe it was just so that Dad would get a heart attack when he saw it. Anyhow, I pranced back and forth while they laughed and called me princess and sissy.
Could things get worse?
You guessed.. Yes.
After I had to get another bottle. Then the two chatter heads started talking.
“Do you know Philip?”
“Yes, he’s cute,” Maria answered. I went red as an apple (a red one). I think I knew what was coming.
“Well, Ashley here is his girlfriend”
“What?” Maria asked
“Please, don’t say more. I beg you. I will do anything for you” I begged my half-sister
“You will do it no matter what,” Isabella said as she continued to gossip. “Yes, I saw them kiss each other. They say they love each other and all that”
“That’s totally gross,” Maria said.

October 22
Dear Diary
I am so sorry for not writing in a few days. I do not know where to start. I am so sad. It’s hard to write. But Dad is dead. We buried him today. The doctor said it was some virus.
Now I just had stepsie. A mean brother and bossy Isabella.
Little did I know that my life would change?
I couldn’t help but cry when his coffin was lowered into a hole. I don’t know why I cried. I think he hated me. Maybe I was crying because my future would totally change. I was now an orphan being raised by the weirdest people this world ever has seen.
I miss Dad. I miss the fact that he could have protected me.

October 26
Dear Diary.
Lot has happened since I spoke with you. I have avoided home as much as possible. I have been chilling with Philip. Most likely at the park. We would go into the toilets and kiss.
I think that I am spending so much time with Philip because Stepsie told us that we are moving in a week. To a place that no one knew us. Then she told me that my dream would come true. But she did not say what it was. This made me think
I miss Dad, but stepsie is totally nice now.

November 1
Dear Diary
Today we moved to our new flat on the other side of town. It was a day full of surprises.
First, when I came in the flat, I was surprised that everything was furnished and ready. That’s good because I hate unpacking. I looked for my room, and I didn’t have one. I asked Stepsie where my room was, and she said that we would have a talk later. I walked around and seen a crib in Stepsies room. I didn’t have to be a genius to know who this crib was for.
Then Stepsie told me to take my tracksuit off after she changed my diaper. Then I was put in denim overalls. You know the ones with straps over the shoulder. It was OK. Made me look like I was 5, and had a cute fairy on the front. She threw out my trackie.
We spent most of the day getting used to the new flat. Then Stepsie called me into her private office. I couldn’t help think that this should have been MY room
She turned on the computer and then her webcam. She must have invited 50 people. Then she sat on the sofa and I lay on her lap after she told me to and she started giving me a bottle of milk.
I could see myself on webcam.
“Don’t worry about that. They are your fan club.” She said smiling. I was confused. But I couldn’t ask or say anything as a bottle was stuck in my mouth.
She continued, “You see Ashley. You are famous. When I became your mummy, I opened a pay site on the computer. It is a site where people pay to come and see pictures of you and I write a bit of what you are up to. There are many members. In fact, you are very famous.”
My head was going in circles. I could not believe what I heard. She continued, “The first pictures of you were a boy. We all knew you were a girl born with a boy’s thing. But everyone agrees that your Weiner is so small. So as you became a sissy, pictures were added, and then you were no longer a sissy, you were a girl. So more pictures were added.”
I could fear a tear running down my cheek. This was too much for me to handle. But Stepsie was not finished, “I made a lot of money off of you, I didn’t put any aside for you, but you have a new family, so feel proud that you are paying your way. Things will change now that we move. I have thrown all your boy clothes out. It’s a good job you are called Ashley because that’s also a girl’s name. You will be enlisted in a girl’s school. But don’t worry, the headmistress told me that there are a few that are girls stuck in boys bodies. I doubt you can recognize them. You will probably be teased because you’re a baby that needs diapers. This school is great. You will be able to do ballet there like you always wanted to.”
Like I always wanted to, what is she talking about? While she was talking. I realized that people kept coming to see this on webcam. Stepsie showed one. She was a woman and laughing as Stepsie kept talking to me. I spit the bottle out and asked where my room was? This was a mistake. I forgot that half the people in the world will hear her answer. “Well Ashley, see you are a baby. A Baby girl. You know that Baby girls sleep with their Mummy. This is why your crib is in my room. I know it’s a new crib but you paid for it.”
I felt like I was going to get sick. But she was not done yet. “Next week, we will be taking you to the doctor. He is a friend of mine so we don’t have to pay him. The vitamin pills you have been getting were to help you stay a girl. But you need some shots to make sure you don’t grow. He thinks you will even get smaller. That’s good then you can have a stroller. You would like a pink one, would you? The doctor will make sure that you stay a little girl. We will have to buy you new clothes if you get smaller. I can see all this is making you happy. Blow a kiss to all your fans and we will put you to bed.”
I didn’t know if I should smile or cry. I was so confused.

November 4
Dear Diary
Today I started at Mrs. Winson's academy for girls. It was a private school. I had to wear this uniform. It was a spaghetti dress that was navy blue and went down to my knees. Then white tights and a blouse. I was called in Mrs. Winson's office;
“So what’s your name? “ She asked.
“Ashley.”
“While you are here, you are to call me madam. Is that understood?”
“Yes, madam.” I missed my old school. I Missed Philip"
“I have your records here. I see that you are one of our special students. Listen to me when I will tell you what will happen. You are a girl in a boy’s body. I hear that this is being fixed. You are to remember that you will always dress like a girl. But your mummy has told you this. You also have a problem. I hear that you wear diapers. This doesn’t matter. Because unlike most students here, you will not be going up in classes. You will get some medicine that will make you smaller. This means that after some months, you will be in a kindergarten class. You will be no larger than a 5-year-old.”
Once again my head was spinning. This was so hard to understand. I didn’t know what to think. I was going to be a 5-year-old for the rest of my life. I never heard about this. This must be some sort of witchcraft.
Mrs. Winson continued. “This school is also special. We teach our students that girls should be humble and be at the service for men. Do you understand all this?”
“Not really madam.” I hated when she said stepsie was my mummy, she is my step mum. I only have one mother.
“Don’t worry dear, you will understand it and accept your fate. I think that you will like it”
I was sent to my class. The rest of the school day was like any other school day, except that I was a girl. I met many new friends. They were so nice. After the day went, I forgot everything that Mrs. Winson said. I was now in a girl’s school. It was going to be fun. I am a girl now.

November 7
Dear Diary
Today was a strange day. Stepsie woke me up and put me in this white frilly dress that only should be worn in Church. At least it was big, and then no one would notice the diaper under. My hair had ribbons in them. When I looked in the mirror, I could see that I was a girl.
Being a girl isn’t that bad. You get to wear pretty clothes; you don’t have to fight with others. You could fancy boys. I was finally happy. Of course, I missed my dad. But he would never accept me for who I am. He wanted me to be a boy. Now I am a girl. I am happy. Stepsie wasn’t that bad anymore. She didn’t spank me or get mad at me. Now she’s actually nice. I don’t know if I love her. I don’t know if I would have wanted to be a girl before she came. But now she is all that I have. I don’t mind my new school. It was confusing when I talked with Mrs. Winson. She said I will end in Kindergarten and I will learn less. I thought that you were supposed to learn more when you went to school. But I had many new friends. They were kind and they helped me a lot.
Today we were going to the doctor. We drove for a long time to the countryside. When we came to his house, it was a little cottage. The one you would expect an old man to live in. It was hidden in the woods. How could anyone live out here? How did they find it? Whatever the case, we were there now.
Stepsie and I walked in. He was an old man with no hair at all. He reminded me of a mad scientist. Stepsie went in with him while I sat on the sofa. It seemed like ages. Then I thought that this is not like any doctor’s office I knew. This was a man’s house. Why wasn’t there a nice lady that helped him?
Then Stepsie came out and told me to go in. It was her turn to sit on the sofa before I went in she told me that she could not pay, but I was to do what he wanted.
“Hi, my beautiful girl. How are you? Wow, you look much better than the pictures you have on your website. I am your number one fan.” He said while he started taking my clothes off. I just stood there and let him do it.
“I see despite your age, that you like men. Well, I will help you enjoy it more.”
He then gave me two tablets. They were the biggest ones I ever saw. I swallowed them and then he praised me saying, “I call these the Barbie pills. I got the name from your site. They are hormones. They will kill off all your boy hormones and help develop your body as a girl….. I thought you would be smiling at that.”
Then he took out a huge needle that was in a bag full of pink liquid. “This is what I call angel dust. It’s not dust; it’s a drug that I developed. You know that I am the only one that has this. Now let me tell you what it does. It makes you shrink. In about a half year, you will be as tall as a five-year-old girl. This is what your step mum wants. After six months, your body will not develop anymore. It stays as a five-year-old girl forever. I suppose that’s good, as I see that you wet your pants. Still, you will be cool, and I think you will get more people joining your website. This is good, isn’t it? You will be rich. Now I have attached another bag. This is what I call my magic drug. You will need no operation to have a girl’s body. Your penis will shrink and shrink and it will disappear and then you will get girls privates. You know what the good thing is. It will not hurt you. You might itch somewhat, but I will give you a cream to stop that.”
Once again my head was spinning. I do not know if it was because all these drugs that were in me or because he was talking strangely. I didn’t even think about that I will look like I am five for the rest of my life. Stepsie is so evil, yet a part of me wanted it.
On the way home. Stepsie had her usual smile on her face. She no longer had to tell me I am a girl. . I knew it. I felt it. I even liked it because it made me feel more like a girl.

March 1
Dear Diary.
It has been several months since I wrote to you. It’s because I had to get used to my new life as Ashley the girl. Let me tell you what has happened.
At the moment I am the size of an eight-year-old. My body is shrinking every day. It was scary at first, I mean most people grow. I grow smaller. My hair is now long and blond. At least I'm not fat. My Boys thing has shrunk away. I don’t know if that is good or bad, but I am living with it.
This means I always have to get new clothes. They are dresses and everything you expect a girl to wear. They are not tomboy clothes. They are girl princess clothes. I like them. Especially the party dresses. The ones that are very frilly and wide. I love wearing tights. The diapers are OK. But I need them
Stepsie and Isabella are way nice to me now. They treat me like I am a little girl and can’t do a thing. But at least they are nice.
Philip babysits me. He is way taller than me now.
At school, I am moved to a class every month or so. The other girls don’t even care or notice. In fact, they like it because then they can be like a big sister to me. I like sitting on their laps and they play with my hair. I really like this. Did I tell you that I really like when they when they play with my hair and put it in different styles? They stopped putting makeup on me as they think I am too young.
I also started ballet. I really like it. It’s fun to be with the other girls and we have loads of fun. The clothes are lovely.
That’s all for now. I can’t write as I could before.

June 6
Dear diary
This is my last entry. I can hardly write anymore. It’s hard to hold a pencil. I remember how to spell, but it’s just hard to write.
I am now the size of a five-year-old. Even though I had my twelfth birthday months ago. It has been like magic. I now look like a girl. I even have a slit. It itched a whole lot and hurt a bit. But I got cream and medicine for it. That doctor is really smart. He could change the whole world into children. I still wear diapers and now I have all girl clothes. It's not embarrassing wearing diapers as everyone think I am 5
Stepsie said that I could enter a beauty pageant. She thinks I would win. Especially if the judges were men. I don’t know. If I was going to win a pageant, I wanted it to be because I was beautiful.
When we go out shopping. Then I have to be in a stroller. Even though I am in a stroller and am drinking from a bottle.
I can’t write anymore. But I am sure that Step will write on my homepage what I am doing.

Barbies Diary - Part 4

Court Case
Number XXXXXXXXXXXX
Transcript of Prosecutions last statement

“Ladies and gentlemen
This lady here is accused of Child abuse and Killing her husband. It is one of the worse cases that I have ever prosecuted. It is an easy case. Ashley's diary and his homepage is evidence enough to put this evil woman away for life.
The first question we have to ask ourselves does Ashley want this treatment. Did he want to be humiliated, teased, forced to be a girl and later as a girl half his age? Forced to be exposed to thousands of people on the web, the answer is no.
Maybe he wanted to be a girl. We have heard testimony in this case that he could have had a gender disorder. In other words where he was feminine. If his new step mum was compassionate and loving, she would support this in small steps and guide him. Ashley must have been confused if it is true that he felt like a girl in a boy’s body. This is an important part of the case. Was Ashley met with love and compassion? No, he was met with abuse and brainwashing.
His experiences that we all read in his diary were driven by one thing. Revenge. Testimony from this case shows that his step mum went to school with Ashley's mother. Like in many schools, there is teasing and bullying. The Step Mum was bullied by none other than Ashley's mother and my heart goes out to her here. It must have been a horrible experience. But I will remind the jury that this was not Ashley's fault. There is no excuse for the revenge we have seen. Two wrongs do not make a right especially when it affects an innocent boy.
When we see the evidence, we can see the tools that Ashley's stepmother used. Slowly but surely she brainwashed the boy. We are lucky we can see his most inner thoughts through his diary. At the beginning, he was confused and upset about the humiliation, the teasing and the feminization of the boy. Through the diary, we can see that he accepts it and becomes happy with it. As he accepts it, even the drastic transformation into a young child. His step Mum is being nicer as he accepts it. The more he accepts his situation. The more she is nicer.
Another part of this complex case was the incontinence of Ashley. Doctor reports show that he has a small and weak bladder. This means that Ashley using diapers at night-time would have happened anyhow. But his stepmother also managed to use this as a means of subduing Ashley and punishing him. Was there any reason why he should wear diapers when he did not need them? Was there any reason why he should use baby things? The reason that Isabella used them is not an excuse. By using diapers more and more, he became more dependent on them. This can only be described as one thing. Using a medical problem and making it worse. It is evil.
This is a tragic case. But there is more. Ashley lost his mother. He lost his room. He lost his pride by being humiliated. He lost his gender. He also lost his father. Step Mothers revenge and hatred knows no bounds. What is the greatest thing she can take away? First, she makes Ashley's father lose all respect for his son. Ashley needed his father to stop this. Now she had one further plan. To make sure he had no father. Evidence showed that she has poisoned his father and in fact murdered him. Does her revenge and cruelty know no answer?
We have seen that this abuse has not been private. It has been documented on the Barbie boy home page. Thousands of people have seen this and followed his degradation. Step Mum made a fortune on this. She profited from a boys abuse. Can things become worse?
The family moves to another part of town, where no one knows them. In other words, no one knows Ashley is a boy. Here he is humiliated once again. He does not even get his own room. He is forced to sleep in a crib. Forced to lie there and see Step mums many boyfriends in action. Words cannot express how evil this is, especially when Ashley paid for the place through his web page.
I know all this is hard for you jury members to understand in your heads. It is important to think that Ashley lived through this and will for the rest of his life.
Ashley is forced to go to a school. Investigations have led to that this school was the worst kind there is. Girls were taught how to be submissive. They were taught how to be objects. This could be seen with Ashley. He made many new friends there. A bright light in his new life was the many new friends.
Last, it is like seeing a sci-fi film, when we see what the doctor did. I was shocked when I read that this could even be done. The tragedy is that this doctor, inventor and chemist used his knowledge to create such things. Making a twelve-year-old into a child for the rest of his life.
There is one answer to this case. Pray for the victim and put the evil step Mother away for life “

A few days later the prosecutor held a press conference

Reporter: Do you think the father let Ashley down?
Prosecutor: Yes, of course, think if it was your own son. Would you not do something? I think if his father was alive, he would also be tried for neglect. Remember those that looks on and does nothing is also a part of the problem.

Reporter: Who else can we blame?
Prosecutor: I think that his old school should be blamed. They must have seen something. The fact is that they have chosen to look the other way is disturbing.

Reporter: What has happened to Isabella? His step-sister?
Prosecutor: She is also a victim. She would have been just as evil as his mother. She is now in a foster home and gets some counselling. She still has contact with Ashley but is more like a sister than she was. I think she deep down feels sorry for the boy.

Reporter: What about Ashley?
Prosecutor: Ashley is now a girl. Unfortunately, they were unable to reverse the changes so he will be a girl for the rest of his life. He is being given medication so that he can grow. He will never be that tall or his body may not develop as much as it can. Ashley is also getting counselling. He does think boys are cute. He still sees Philip and they are very close. I will not say how close they are. Let the boy have some privacy. Ashley is now in a foster home. They are very kind to him and I hear that he wants to sing in the Church choir. He is also happy for ballet. The good news is that he is very happy. He considers himself a girl and is happy that the bad times are over. The great news is that he no longer wears diapers during the day. He wears them at night and his new parents say that he still likes the dummies. Maybe it’s time I stop calling him-him. Ashley is now a girl. The journey was an evil one, but the future is looking good.

Reporter: What about the school?
Prosecutor: The staff of the girl’s school has been fired. Now a group of Nuns are running the school. Ashley still goes there. This is a good thing because he had many friends there.

Reporter: Can we expect more prosecutions?
Prosecutor: The Step Mum has received life for murder and abuse. The doctor is expected to get a lot of jail time. The Shopkeepers where he got his girl clothes from the case are pending. His old school is under investigation. The spider web of justice is falling and justice will prevail.

Baum

I am only 10, but some thinks I am mature for my age. Mom says I think too much. To be quite honest, I do not see the problem with that. One thing that bothers me is why people are not more kind. It’s like we are so selfish, that we do not even take the time to consider others. I wonder what the world would be if we did something kind every day and made someone smile!

Sighs.

I may be mature, but I am small for my age and I have curly hair like Shirley Temple. I was of course teased, but that was mostly when people get mad at me. I was good at sports and had good friends, so we protected each other. My family was also great. I was the only child of mom and dad. Dad owned his own business, and mom was a secretary there. I knew I was lucky. I didn’t live in poverty and my parents loved me.

Things happen that changes our paradise.

This all happened a few months ago when I came home from school early. There was a teacher meeting. Some boy went crazy at school and started to throw chairs around the classroom. This meant that the teachers had to do something about it. I was delighted. I could go home and play a new game I got. It was raining heavily so that meant I would not play sports with my friends. I would just raid the fridge and play the game all afternoon.

I had a crisis as soon as I came home. I forgot the keys. I stood getting drenched and waiting for my guardian angel to come and save me. I tried looking on the bright side that I would not need a bath that day. However, I got grumpy and bored quite quickly. I did not want to stand out in the rain all afternoon. I rang Mom on my cell phone. She thought it was quite funny. It's nice that someone has humour. She said she would ring back. So, while mom was finding a miracle, I was getting drenched to my skin. I started jumping in the puddles like I did when I was 2 years old. I must admit that it was fun, and it did make time go quicker.

Mom rang back and told me I had three choices. The first was to see if a window was open. The second was to wait in the shed or I could visit our neighbour. I looked and could find no open window and I wasn't going to stay in a cold shed all afternoon.

I rang our neighbour's telephone. Her name was Mrs Baum. She was an old lady and I never really spoke to her. I saw her take care of her flowers in her garden. She seemed like a nice woman that sang a lot. I decided I would go over and maybe she had some cake or something.
When she opened the door, I started to introduce myself, but she dragged me inside and just stood there looking at me.

“Look at the way you look Eve. Have you been out in that rain? And… Why are you wearing those clothes? Do know I don’t want you looking like some tomboy! I am so disappointed with you. Now come to your room and let's change you.”

This woman was bonkers and as crazy as they can get. I told her that my name was Andrew and I was her neighbour. I tried explaining that it was raining, so I just came over while it rained. Mrs Baum was just singing a song and the more I tried to explain, the louder she sang. She grabbed my hand and took me into this baby room. It had this huge crib and changing table. There were Disney princesses on the walls and baby toys in boxes. On the box was full of dolls and another box was full of teddies. She lifted me up as if I was a feather and laid me down on some sort of changing table. I tried to protest and kick, but she was strong for an old woman and did not listen to me. Before I knew it, she had my clothes off and was lifting a big white thing with fairies, it was a Diaper! I yelled that I was 10 years old and did not need a diaper. She told me that I was still her little baby and I would be a baby until I could use the toilet. I started crying, which was the last thing I should have done, as she put a pacifier in my mouth.

The ordeal was not over! She then put a white dress on me with a cute piglet in the front! Finally, I got some ankle socks on. She lifted me down and I looked in the mirror. I could not believe my eyes. Now I really did look like Shirley Temple! Mrs Baum looked at me and put this flower clip in my hair. I decided that I has enough. I wadded to the front door, but Mrs Baum pulled me back. She really got mad at me because I tried to go out.

There was nothing to do. I was a baby all day long. I never played with dolls before, but I made up for it then. I hate to admit it, but it did help the time go by and it was not boring. It was still weird though as here I was a boy sitting with a dress, a diaper and a pacifier in my mouth. It was strange that she kept calling me Eve and her daughter. She even gave me a baby bottle of juice. At one stage I was walking around the house and see pictures of the real Eve. Besides her curly hair, I could not see how we looked alike.

I walked in the sitting room and Mrs Baum was asleep on her chair. I quickly went into the nursery and changed into my boy's clothes and snuck out. It was just in time, as mom and Dad were coming into the driveway. Dad started laughing when he saw me and asked why I had a pacifier in my mouth. I blushed a crimson red and hid it in my pocket.

I had a lot on my mind, so I went to my room and sat on the floor. It was hard to believe what I experienced today. This old woman thought I was her daughter and she dressed me up as a baby girl. I was a 10-year-old boy that spent all afternoon playing with dolls and dressed as a sissy! Was this abuse? Should Mrs Baum be arrested and locked up? I was in tears. Should I have fought more, or should I have run? Why did I not rip the clothes off me and tell her no? I sat there like a sissy baby and liked it! Why did I like it? I decided I would never go into that house again as I did not want her to dress me like a girl and I did not want to be used to it. I clenched my fist and promised never to visit her again.

For the next few days, I kept that promise. I stayed away and when I passed her house, I never looked at it. I looked down at my toes as I passed it. I was protecting my manly part of me. I even asked mom if I could get a haircut. The image of me looking like Shirley Temple haunted me. Mom said she will not cut my curls so that fight was lost. That was not my biggest problem. I started to wet the bed at night. This was a shock as I did not know why I started to wet the bed. Was it because I wore a diaper and it did magic? Mom was quite relaxed about it. She just cleaned the sheets and told me it was a phase. She told me she noticed I slept with a pacifier in my mouth. How did that get there? In the end, she put a rubber sheet on my bed and said I would be going to the doctors.

Do you know how much noise a rubber sheet makes?

Mom lived in the neighbourhood all her life, so I asked her who Eve was.
“Eve Baum…” Mom said, “Such a sad case. She was the daughter of Mrs Baum. When Eve was about your age, her dad left and told everyone his wife driving him crazy. Until then Eve had lots of friends, but she quickly lost all her friends because she became very weird. She wore toddler dresses and even diapers and pacifiers, she was like a big baby. She had no friends at the end and was teased all the time. While everyone else was growing up, she was becoming more and more like a baby. It all ended when she was 12, where she was found dead. She jumped from the school roof and died. It was most likely suicide. Such a waste. Do not take your pacifier to school.”

I felt like crying and I knew what happened. Her mom wanted to remember the good days when her husband was there, so she treated her like a baby and she obviously thought I was Eve. It was sad that Eve had a crazy mom, but Mrs Baum was now alone, as she had no one. I let her think she was with her daughter the other day, and this made the woman happy. Was I mean that I did not pretend to be Eve to make an old woman happy for a small bit? My mind was in turmoil the next few days as I kept thinking it was most likely recovered from her daughter's suicide and husband leaving until I came. Now I made her sad again.

In a weird way, I rationed to myself that I needed to visit her again.

So, I knocked at her door the next day. The same thing happened than the last time. She got upset over the clothes I was wearing and dragged me in and within no time I looked like a toddler girl. I had a mickey mouse top on and a red skirt with white dots. I, of course, wore the diaper and white tights. I played with the dolls a bit and then Mrs Baum said we could bake cookies. She put this frilly apron on me and we spent the next hour baking. I must admit that it was so fun! I wish my mom would bake with me. After we ate cookies and I had a baby bottle of milk, Mrs Baum fell asleep on the sofa. I snuck in and changed back to my boy's clothes and put the girl's clothes in a plastic bag. Next time I would visit her, she would not be disappointed that I did not look pretty.

When I came home, I felt happy. It was not just because I helped an old woman by pretending to be her daughter. It was also fun. I could help bake and play with dolls. If I did that at home or if my friends knew, I would be teased and humiliated from morning to night. Being hidden away in Mrs Baum's house meant I could do things and not worry about what others thought. Being dressed as a baby girl was not that bad. It made me feel pretty and wanted. I liked the attention I got when she dressed me and helped me. I did feel like a girl, but it was fun pretending to be a girl.

I don’t know if all this made me wet the bed at home. Was it my mind that wanted me to be a baby? Was that why I wet? Maybe my mind wanted me to be a girl. Mom took me to the doctor and he couldn’t find anything wrong with me. The only thing he can think of was that I regressed for some reason because I also slept with a pacifier. This made mom feel sad, as she thought I regressed because she worked a lot. In fact, she asked me if I would ask Mrs Baum to babysit me for a night, as my parents had some conference.

I did not have to ask. Mrs Baum thought I was her daughter!

So, when my mom and dad left, I quickly put on my girl clothes that were in the plastic bag and walked over to her door. She smiled when she saw me and asked did I have fun playing outside. I nodded, and she took me in and told me I could watch a Disney film. When I played on the rug, she asked why did I take my diaper off? I could not answer so she dragged me into the nursery and put me on a changing table while I got a new diaper on. She also made sure I had flowers in my hair. I was not so shocked when I saw myself in the mirror. It was hard to believe I was 10 years old. I was also cute.

The Disney film was fun to watch. Being a princess must be the best job in the world. Even when they were in trouble, there was someone to save them. Mrs Baum fell asleep and looked a bit shocked when she saw me still watching TV when she woke up. She commented that I did not go out to play today, which made me smile. We then cooked some dinner, which was minced meat in pancakes. I wore my frilly apron and I know knew that I loved cooking! Maybe I would be a cook when I was big! After we ate, I helped clean up. This was not as much fun.

Then I played with my dolls and at 8 pm, she said it was time to sleep. I thought it was early but remembered that she thought I was a toddler. I got a new diaper on and a light blue nightdress on. We said night prayers which I never tried before! Then I was laid in the huge crib and a pacifier was put in my mouth. Sleeping in a nightdress and in a crib was so strange. It was like being put in a cage. I held on to a teddy bear she gave me and quickly fell asleep. I remembered that I dreamt that I was a princess. It was a dream that made me smile when I woke up. It was also a dry bed, which was nice. I hated waking up to a wet bed! The big problem now was that I could not get out. I could have tried crawling over the bars, but for some reason, I was afraid. I started to cry which was embarrassing, but it did help. Mrs Baum came in and helped me out. A new diaper was put on me as well as a light blue summer dress with flowers on it. We had breakfast and I was full of smiles. I totally forgot what it was like to have someone take care of me so much. I had no worries and I knew Mrs Baum cared for me.

I stopped smiling when she took this huge stroller out. It must have been for handicapped children, but it also looked like a baby stroller. Mrs Baum told me to sit in it. I started to whimper that I did not want to go outside, as everyone would see me. This did not stop her, she used strength and sat me in the chair. Before I knew I was buckled in it and she was pushing me in the nice summer weather. Every time we came close to someone, I put my head down. I know I was small for my age, but I was not that small. They must have thought I was weird. If I didn’t have the pacifier in my mouth, I would have been bawling.

We went to a park and she lifted me into the sandcastle. I looked around to see if anyone from school was around me. I was relieved that they were not. In no time, I concentrated on building buildings in the sand. In this way, I shut off the world around me. I also must admit it was fun being outside. I was now accepting that I liked being a sissy and liked being treated like a baby girl. I cannot explain to you why. If I was going to explain, I would say I felt pretty and safe and knew someone was taking care of me.

Things went fine until Mrs Baum came with a baby bottle of juice. This girl that was about 4 poked me in the side, “You look older than me! I do not use bottles anymore. I also see you are wearing a diaper. Are you still a baby?”

I started to cry, and she gave me the pacifier that fell to my knees. It was then I realized that she was right. I was getting used to be a baby dressed and acting like a girl. I was beginning to like it. I loved being together with Mrs Baum and I loved the way she treated me. Maybe I should act my own age and not be such a freak. My mind was in turmoil and I really needed help. I told Mrs. Baum that I wanted to go home.
When we got home, she told me I should play while she took a nap on the sofa. When she changed, I put my boy's clothes on and put the girl clothes in my backpack. When I went over to my old house, mom and dad were there. They were working with their computers and working away. Mom took a break and told me she tried to get me to Mrs Baum’s, but no one was there.

I hid the backpack in my room and went down to the sofa. They were still working. I just sat quiet and ended up putting the pacifier in my mouth. This made my mom look up and say, “You know I saw a girl with the same pacifier as we were passing the park. She was your age but must be handicapped as she was in a stroller. I could not see who her mom was. The fact is that she looked so much like you. She even had curls. Tell me it was not you and Mrs Baum.!”

I think I must have gone pale as Mom seen me! How was I to tell her it was me and I was a sissy! Would mom treat me like a sissy or would she tell me never to tell me never to visit Mrs Baum again? Would Mom think that I was sick?
“My son is not a sissy!” Dad interrupted.
“I know,” Mom responded, “I was just joking. But that girl did look like our son's twin!”
“What is a sissy?” I asked
“A sissy is a boy that is a wimp and feels like a girl. He dresses like a girl and wants everyone to believe he is a girl. A sissy usually is gay and has a sad life. A sissy goes against the will of God! Parents of sissies should put their sissy boys over their laps.” Dad said
Mom smiled and replied, “Sissy is such a bad name. The better word is transgender. A Transgender is confused if he is a boy or girl. He could have the body of a boy but feels happier when he dresses and acts like a girl. Now, let's change the subject. You have been wetting the bed and I have decided you would wear protection until you are better.”
I just said OK which made Dad mad. He thought no 10 years old should be happy wearing a diaper.

So that night, I had a diaper on as I was in bed. My mind was in turmoil. I knew that I was not a sissy. I was transgendered. It explained how I felt. The problem is I knew that Dad would never accept it, so I really had no one to talk to about it. If I talked to mom about it, she would tell Dad.

I prayed to God that being transgendered was not a sin and he would help me understand who I really am.

The next day, I snuck over to Mrs Baum's house and by the time she opened the door, I was dressed as a girl. In no time, she put a diaper on me and she told me she got me a present. It was a jumbo colouring book and crayons. I now forgot all the chaos in my head and how confused I was. I was on the floor colouring and I was so happy again!

This was until the doorbell rang. Mrs Baum answered it and I heard some screaming. It was my mom! You can imagine her face when she saw me dressed as a toddler girl colouring a book. She told Mrs Baum that she knew it was me in the park. Then she dragged me out of the house and dragged me home.

Dad said nothing when he saw me in a dress and diaper. Mom was doing all the shouting. She wanted to ring to the police but that would only disgrace the family. She asked me a hundred times why I let that old woman treat me like a baby girl. I had no time to answer as mom spent the rest of the day shouting and cursing Mrs Baum. She warned me never to go again.

When it was time to go to bed, I tried to kiss Dad goodnight. He treated me like I was invisible. Mom put a diaper on me and told me she found it hard to forgive me. She did not even kiss me goodnight. She just asked if I was a sissy. Did she not say that was a bad word to use?
I cried myself to sleep.

The next few days were the same. Mom threw my pacifier out and told me I was 10. Dad never spoke and did not even look at me. I felt like I committed the most serious crime ever. I was not happy. I was lonely and sad. If felt like I was in some black hole, and if I screamed for help, no one would hear me!

One day just before mom and dad came home, the phone rang. It was Mrs Baum.

“I have a confession,” she said, “I know you are not my daughter, I knew it from the start. You see it is my fault Eve committed suicide. I treated her like a baby because she was a baby when I was most happy in my life. When her dad left, I went crazy and wanted the happy days back. I treated her like a baby. When you came I was selfish! I wanted to stop feeling guilty about her suicide. In time, I could see being a baby girl made you happy, so I just continued the game. I hope you can forgive me”

I started crying and told her she is forgiven. She did not hurt me. The most she could be accused of was screwing with my mind. But maybe she found something in me that was hidden. I told her that I really missed her and how bad things were at home.

This made her cry and she told me that my parents should love me no matter what. It was strange when my she called my parents selfish. I hung up the telephone saying they were coming.

That night was quiet as usual. I had enough and told my parents I was not as lucky as a boy! I told them I was not a sissy. I was transgendered! I begged that they let me visit Mrs Baum again. Mom shouted no and said all this was her fault. She brainwashed me into believing I could only be happy as a baby girl. Mom asked me to remember before and to remember I was happy when I was normal.
So, the next few days were the same. My parents were giving me the quiet treatment hoping I would say that I was now a boy again. I decide that they would not decide how I felt.

Mrs. Baum rang again and told me she was leaving town. She has a house in a private community where no one would find her. She had a new identity and the community was small but friendly. She told me I had a choice. I could live with parents that no longer loved me, or I could escape with her and live as her daughter. She told me I would be a girl, but only wear diapers to bed. She told me I would be happy, and people would see who I really was. She told me to come outside at night time. She would be in her car waiting.

This was a big step and it confused me even more. I knew my parents loved me and I loved them. They just found it hard to accept I was not normal. That night they still played the cold mad parents towards me. How long would they ignore me like this? I missed my mother's smiles and I missed when my dad wrestled with me.

I asked mom if I could help her cook. Dad asked was it an excuse to wear an apron and mom just said no.

That night I could not sleep. When it was midnight, I snuck outside and seen Mrs Baum waiting in a car.
She was my new mom

Better Parents

Monday, January 2
Dear Diary.
My name is Austin, and I am 10, my birthday is in July, so it’s ages until I am 11.
I got you for Christmas. I was not happy at the time. I mean while other boys get sports things, iPad, cell phones, games and fun things, all I got was you. To be honest I think mom and dad forgot my present as when I looked for my package they were staring at each other whispering, “I thought you would buy it”. Then mom got up and went to her room and after a lot of noise and swearing, she came with you. I threw you under my bed in disgust.
I feel bad for how selfish and spoiled I was at expecting great presents. I am sure God meant that I would get you for a reason. I decided that I would use you and make the most out of it.
I understand my parents do not have time to buy a present. They are executives at some bank and work is very important for them. I am their only child. I think after they got me, they decided that they were too busy to have other children.
Sighs… it would be nice having a small brother, as I have no friends. I do not know why. I am very shy at times and I really do not like sports. They also tease that the skater's hair have is a decade out of fashion. I am the only boy that has hair to his shoulders.
Mom and Dad are extremely busy and even when they are home, they have their laptops open and they constantly tap away at them. Once in a while, they would smile at me. They never have time to play. All in all, I am a quiet boy that knows my parents love me but do not have time other parents have. I am grateful that I have parents that do love me.

Tuesday, January 3
Dear Diary
Today we had a visit from Mr and Mrs Jonson. They are an elderly couple that moved in next door.
Mom and Dad found the visit an inconvenience as they were busy. Dad got a promotion in November so this meant he had to work.
The Jonson’s are nice, but it’s a shame they have no child. When they saw me, they thought I was a girl which was embarrassing. After that they were nice. Like as if they were my grandparents.
It was funny watching mom and dad. They tried to be polite, but I could see dad look at the clock all the time.

Wednesday, January 4
Dear Diary
I am not so happy today. Mom and Dad are over the moon with happiness because mom got a promotion.
It means less time for me and more tapping at laptops.
I will pray that I am not so selfish and happy that my mom and dad are a success.

Friday, January 6
Dear Diary
Today was strange. We actually had dinner around the kitchen table together as a family. Mom and dad were not reading or working. We actually talked.
To be honest, we did not talk a lot as Dad and Mom never know what to say to me. Talking about interest rates and loan risks are easy for them but they simply do not know what 10 year old talks about.
Mom told me her job meant she will be home at 7 pm every day and this means I need a babysitter. The Jonson’s offered to do it, which is very generous of them. This means I have to go to their house after school and sometimes at weekends.
I felt my eyes well up with water and begged them that I could take care of myself.
Dad told me to be a man about it and not cry over such a small thing.

Saturday, January 7
Dear Diary
Mom worked at home today. She must have thought I was in the way as in the afternoon she told me I should take a nap.
I refused, as I did not take naps since I was 6

Monday, January 9
Dear Diary
Today was the first time I was babysat by the Jonson’s. When I knocked on the door, they both answered and were so happy seeing me.
Then they gave me cookies and milk and sat down with me while I spoke with them. They talked about how my day was at school and if I needed help with my homework.
Mrs Jonson said my hair was a bit too long but was worried it was getting in my eyes.
I was very shy as usual. In my defence, I was not used to being the centre of attention and two people showing an interest in how my day was. It was like I had no time to be by myself and I was not used to this.
Mrs Jonson asked me if I was uncomfortable. I explained that I was not used to so much attention.
She told me my parents worked very hard and career people often did not have time for their children. They often did not have time to ask how their child’s day went.
Mr Jonson said I could feel at home there. They had money but did not have to work, so they were honoured I would spend time with them. I was to consider their home as my home.
Mrs Jonson came over and gave me a hug. This shocked me and I clumsily let her hug me. She told not to worry. She knew my mom and dad loved me and gave me lots of hugs. I looked at her with a tear in my eye. My parents never hugged me.
After that, I went around to explore the house. They had nice things and the house was like any house grandparents would have.
I looked at a painting over the fireplace. It was a picture of a girl that was in a pretty petticoat dress. She had pigtails and a pretty face. She was the same age as me, which was a bit strange, as she had a pacifier in her hand. Mr Jonson told me she was their daughter. I had about 50 questions, but they changed the subject.
The rest of the time was used when they gave me a colouring book. I didn’t use one of these since I was 7. I was polite and started colouring flowers and rainbows.
It was quite fun
When mom came to pick me up, I sprang and gave her a hug. She looked embarrassed and politely pushed me away trying to make some excuse for what got in me.
Mrs Jonson sighed.

Wednesday, January 18
Dear Diary
I should be better in writing. But I feel like one day is like another day.
I still am being babysat by the Jonson’s. I like them now and I am no longer shy. I actually look forward to visiting them.
Today was no different, when I visited them, they were waiting for me and had cookies and milk waiting for me. I told them about the day. They always thought it was strange when I said I had no friends and was a bit of a loner. I had tears in my eyes, and Mrs Jonson put a pacifier in my mouth. I spit it out saying that I was not a baby.
Maybe it was a joke, as adults do have a strange sense of humour at times. They started talking to each other how carefree a baby is of any stress or peer pressure. Mr Jonson said he wished sometimes he could be a baby and someone takes care of him. It would not matter if he had friends or not. Mrs Jonson said she would rather take care of a baby, no matter how old they were. I did not say much as I found the whole conversation weird. Why would anyone want to be a baby? Maybe it would be nice to have someone to give me lots of attention and I wouldn’t have to care that no one at school liked me. Still, the thought was very strange indeed.
I looked at the picture of their daughter. She must have used a pacifier as she had one in her hand.
Mrs Jonson turned on a DVD. It was a 3d Barbie film. The story was about Barbie being a princess. It was so girlish and cute. I imagined thousands of girls stuck to the film imagining themselves in princess dresses and playing with Barbie dolls. The story wasn’t that bad, in fact, I became engrossed in it. I snuggled up against Mrs Johnson.
After the film, she asked me if I snuggled with my parents when we saw films. I said no, I saw them alone and wore earphones so I would not disturb them. This must have shocked Mrs Jonson because she said I was not a trophy or decoration. She asked me if I thought my parents loved me. They didn’t spend time with me, or give hugs, or cuddle and see TV, play games, say good night…. Ok, she went on and on what they did not do.
I said they do love me and Mr Jonson asked how they show it.
There was silence.
Mrs Jonson broke the silence by saying mom has been trying to give me hugs when she picks me up. They both commented that this is what a parent should do
When Mom did pick me up, I noticed she was a bit uneasy giving me a hug. It was as if it was a chore for her

Wednesday, January 18
Dear Diary
Mom found the pacifier in my pocket. I told her I never used it and she got all upset saying she was worried about me.
I tried to make her smile by snuggling with her while she saw the news. She was a bit surprised and asked if I was sick. She did not push me off and to be honest, I felt like I was being a burden as she really did not want to do it.
At bedtime, I tried to give mom and dad a good night hug, and again I shocked them as they asked what got into me?

Monday, January 23
Dear Diary
I was so happy when I came to the Jonson’s and was happy when we sat down to have some cookies and milk. I told them what happened at home, which must have confused Mrs Jonson as she did not understand why my parents considered me a burden. I have never thought about this myself. Over the last week, I have been thinking if they loved me, and started thinking I am just a burden.
Tears came to my eyes at the thought.
We stayed at the table and talked, but the idea my parents didn’t love me made me so sad that tears were slowly going down my cheeks. Mrs Jonson stood up and said not to worry, they loved me. She put the pacifier in my mouth and said that will take my troubles away. I did not spit it out. I do not know if it took away my problems, but it felt soothing.
She said she wanted to fix my hair, so it did not get in my eyes. I told her I asked mom to take me to the hairdresser, but so far she was too busy. Mrs Jonson said it would be a shame to cut such nice hair. Mom never said I had nice hair and it was years since she brushed it. In the end, Mrs Jonson was happy about her work. She put it in a ponytail and told me I look pretty.
Pretty?
Mr Jonson said I reminded him of Hannah, which I found out was their daughter’s name. When I asked why they said it was time to see a DVD. They asked me what DVD I wanted to see, and I begged to see the Barbie one.
When we started seeing the DVD, Mrs Jonson gave me a gift. I explained that it was not my birthday. I was told sometimes it’s good giving a present to someone you loved. I opened the present and nearly thought it was a joke when I saw it was a Barbie doll. I did not want to hurt their feelings so I gave them a hug and soon I was engrossed in the film.
Tonight, Dad saw me holding the Barbie doll. He sighed and said I was one strange boy. He made it worse by saying my ponytail made me look like a sissy.
I didn’t even bother trying to give him a hug goodnight. I said I was going to bed.
So you understand why I am in tears writing this, at least the pacifier stops me from screaming

Friday, January 27
Dear Diary
It’s Friday and that means I do not get babysat tomorrow. That makes me a bit sad, as I look forward every day going to them. I know I don’t write every day. I have no excuse.
Today I told them that dad does not like my hair in a ponytail and he thinks I am a sissy. I said I did not like when he worried that I am not like the others. The older pair would not accept I was weird. They said I was sensitive, and in many ways like a girl. This was nearly too much for me and I had tears in my eyes again. Mrs Jonson gave me a hug and told me it was not an insult. She said I was like an angel put on this earth and I was a delicate flower. Then they went into a huge discussion that the perfect boy is like a girl, as it brings some special things out. I was confused as hell.
Mrs Jonson told me about daughter while she was brushing my hair. I loved when my hair was being brushed. Her daughter’s name was Hannah and she was a precious daughter that was sweet and happy. They loved her a lot and were one great family. However, Hannah was killed when she was cycling. A man speeding to get to work on time drove her over
Silence
I could hear sniffing as she continued saying that I reminded her lot of Hannah. Hannah was teased a lot at school because she was most happy when she was treated like a baby. At the age of 10, she wore diapers, slept in a crib… in fact, everything a baby did.
Mr Jonson said that my parents do not appreciate that they have me, they do not love me, I know that he and his wife loves me.
My hair was finished and they were put in pigtails. The same style as Hannah’s picture.
Mr Jonson said enough of being serious and he started tickling me so I felt to the floor. I hate being tickled as it is torture but it was also nice laughing so much after such a serious talk. The problem is he would not stop tickling me and I was squirming on the floor. I felt myself get wet and before I could stop, I realized I just peed in my pants.
I started crying and Mr Jonson said it was not my fault. It was his fault. Mrs Jonson came and said she would help me change. I was embarrassed because she took off my wet clothes. She told me she was used to it. She then put on white panties with cute ladybugs and a ribbon. I gasped that I was wearing girl panties. But I also knew they did not have a son. She told me she only had a skirt and did I want that. I said panties are fine.
When mom came, she did not think they were fine. She shouted why my hair was in pigtails and why the hell I was wearing panties? When Mrs Jonson said that I wet myself, my mother exploded.
I hid behind Mrs Jonson as she explained that some children have accidents, and some boys even are little girls inside.
Mum was now blowing steam. She asked if I am a baby sissy. Mrs Jonson said as she is my mother, she should know.
Mom and dad did not speak to me since. They did not even say goodnight.

Saturday, January 27
Dear Diary
Today when I opened my school bag, I found a pack of panties. The Jonson’s must have put them in my bag. Did they want me to wear panties?
Mom came in and saw them on the bed. I was brushing my Barbie’s head. Mom told me she had a long talk with my dad, and they have to respect that I liked the Barbie doll. She said even if I wet myself all the time, I would get as much help from them as possible.
She brushed my hair as she said she was sorry for getting mad yesterday, but she was shocked when she saw me in panties and pigtails… like a girl.
After she brushed my hair. She held me in her arms. She said she never wanted me to grow and if I was a sissy. She would enjoy being the mum of a princess.
Why did people think I wanted to be a girl?
I looked in the mirror and seen a small girl staring back. Was this the true me? I was confused and yet so happy snuggling in moms arms, while she talked about things that were not important
Do babies or do girls get more love than boys?

Thursday, February 2
Dear Diary
I thought Mr and Mrs Jonson would be happy that mom apologised and promised to help me, but they said it’s because mom is trying to be politically correct, whatever that means. She said she could see that my mom was embarrassed with me. I wanted to shout no, but Mr and Mrs Jonson understood other adults and I trusted them.
Did my parents love me?
They showed me their daughter’s room. It was a nursery with a crib and changing table. There was also a dollhouse. I knelt down and started playing with it. This made the old couple happy as they said their daughter loved that dollhouse
I asked why was she a baby when she was the same age as me.
Mrs Jonson sat next to me and asked was it nice when I wet myself by accident? I said it was embarrassing. She said that’s because I was worried about what others would say. Hannah knew that little baby girls were spoiled and cared for. Baby girls do not care what others thought and just wanted to be loved and given attention. Hannah was most happy and secure when she was treated like a baby. She started wetting herself on purpose and when she was put in diapers, then she got the nursery and was treated like a baby.
One day, she wanted to be a 10-year-old again, and she asked to go for a bike ride. This was when an executive who was speeding because he was late for work drove their daughter over.
It was sad seeing Mrs Jonson wiping a tear, saying she was safe when she wanted to be a baby. Then she looked at me and said she could understand if I wanted to be a baby again, but she said my mom would never allow it, as she could not sacrifice the love and attention she gives to her work
I do not know why she thinks I want to be a baby.
When mom came, she asked if the Jonson’s could take care of me on Saturday as my parents had to work. Of course, they said they would love to.
I gave my mom a quick hug and ran over to Mr and Mrs Jonson a long hug.

Saturday, February 4
Dear Diary
I went to the Jonson’s and gave them a huge hug when I came. Mom asked for a hug when she was going. I reluctantly gave her a hug and told her not to speed. A young girl can be out cycling,
Mrs Jonson asked what we should do. I asked could we see “Cinderella”. So we all sat down and cuddled while we saw the movie. I liked when Mrs Jonson brushed my hair when we saw the film. She put my hair back in pigtails and this time put ribbons at the end of them.
At noon, Mrs Jonson said I looked tired and should nap an hour. I protested and said I was too old. Then she said naps could also be fun. I could dream I was in the Cinderella movie. Maybe I could dream I was the prince. I smiled and being obedient, I said I would take a nap. We went to Hannah’s room and Mr Jonson lifted me in the crib. I should have felt bad about it, but it wasn’t that bad, besides the bars made it look like a jail. They put a pacifier in my mouth and I fell asleep holding my Barbie doll.
When I woke up, I was so happy. I never felt so happy before. It was like I had a perfect dream and I never slept so well. I thought to sleep in a crib would be like a jail, but it was like a safe zone, where I was protected. I realized that I also wet myself and that was very embarrassing. It was not all that comfortable and I started crying.
Mr and Mrs Jonson came and lifted me out. They carried me over to the changing table and started helping me out of the wet clothes. Mrs Jonson was asking how I dreamt… did I find Cinderella at the end and did the glass shoe fit her? I blushed and said I was Cinderella in the dream.
Mrs Jonson put some panties on me. This did not surprise me as I wear those most of the time anyhow. Mom did not even mind me wearing them as they were hidden. Dad would not say what he thought. I just thought they were pretty and comfy.
She put a silver t-shirt on me with little shiny fake diamond sown in them and it had a golden glitter crown and said, princess. Then she put white tights on me. I never had tights on me but they felt so nice. It’s hard to explain, but they were like a cloud was massaging my legs. The last thing she put on was a skirt. It was a short denim one.
Mrs Jonson said she only had her daughter’s clothes. I looked in the mirror and said they were so pretty.
Mr Jonson laughed and said I was pretty, and I should watch out, as some prince in my class will come and snatch me as his Cinderella. He asked me was there any cute boys in my class. I answered without thinking that Sebastian was very cute. I nearly fainted when I realized that I just admitted a boy was cute. I was beginning to think like a girl.
I played with the dollhouse. I could see Mrs Jonson was worried and asked her was she sad? She said that she was convinced I had a gender identity problem and explained that this meant in my mind, I wanted to be a girl. I thought I was a girl in a boy’s body. She said my parents would never accept this, as they did not love me the way that she or her husband did. I gave them both a hug.
Later when my mom picked me up, I was sad and asked was it already that time. I expected mom to be mad. She did go white when she saw me dressed like a girl. She stood still for a few minutes. Mrs Jonson explained that I wet myself when took a nap and these were the only clothes they had. Mom did not comment but quietly asked where her hug was. She asked the Jonson’s to take care of me tomorrow.
When we were home, she said nothing except its good dad was on a business trip. She also said that she should find a new babysitter for me.

Sunday, February 5
Dear Diary
When I came to the Jonson’s, the day started badly. I told them that mom was talking about getting a new babysitter. This made Mrs Jonson collapse on a chair and start crying shouting that they did not love me like the Jonson’s did. They did not accept me like the Jonson’s did. I went over and gave her a hug and said I like the ribbons in my hair.
When they composed themselves, we went out and baked some cupcakes. The icing was pink, which made them too pretty to eat. I told them that pink was now my favourite colour.
It was soon time to take a nap- However, Mr Jonson read a story for me. It was about a girl that was always ignored by her mom. This made the girl very sad and she started wetting herself to get attention. She got it and the more she acted like a baby, the happier she was because she was not ignored anymore. She even got hugs and her parents told her that she was loved.
Mrs Jonson was tucking me in and I told her I was afraid I would wet myself. She asked me what I was thinking. I stumbled and whispered that maybe I should wear a diaper while I took a nap. She smiled and lifted me out and before I knew it I had a baby diaper on me. It looked pretty as it had flowers and fairies on it. However, it was bulky and big for me. I tried walking over to the crib but I had to spread my legs a lot. Mr Jonson laughed and picked me up saying it’s easier crawling.
I was a 10-year old wearing a girls diaper taking a nap in the crib.
I slept and woke up needing to go for a pee. I remembered the story and decided to wet the diaper. It was hard to do as my body kept telling me I was potty trained. I picked up my pacifier that fell out my mouth and put it in and slept on.
It was strange after the nap that I just got my boys clothes on and panties. I did not feel so pretty.
It was the dad that picked me up. I asked if it was already time. He told me to hurry and get my things. I told him that I only had my Barbie with me. Dad looked at the Jonson’s and said they were good people and must have hap patience taking care of such a weird an mixed up boy as me.
I put my thumb in my mouth to stop me from crying. Dad thought I was weird.

Tuesday, February 7
Dear Diary
When I was eating cookies at the Jonson’s, they asked me how things were. I told them that I was wetting the bed at home. They did not ask if I did it on purpose and I was happy, as it would have been embarrassing admitting I did. I told them it felt weird wetting the bed when I am so old. Mr Jonson said children are different. The fact that I may be regressing to a baby did not mean I was weird. I need parents that love me like Jonson’s loves me.
They asked me what we should do that day. I was quiet and Mrs Jonson said not to be embarrassed. I looked at them with a tear in my eye and silently asked if I could wear a dress.
They asked if I felt happier with girl’s clothes on. I nodded
They asked me if I wanted to be a girl when I was here. I nodded
Mrs Jonson helped me put a red satin dress on with a big bow at the back. I was also wearing a satin bow in the back. When I looked in the mirror, I started crying, I looked like a princess and my heart was jumping up and down
I played with Hannah’s dolls.
Later I heard mom at the door. I did not go and meet her, as I did not want to go home. I heard Mrs Jonson tell her I was changing clothes, as I was playing in other clothes. This confused mom as she said she thought the Jonson’s only had a girl, not a boy.
At last, I went out and gave mom a quick hug saying nothing. I gave Jonson’s a huge hug and told them I loved them.
When we were home, mom looked up from her laptop and asked did I know that she loved me. I did not answer. She asked me how it was at the Jonson’s. I said I don’t want another babysitter. I felt happiest at their house and today I felt like I was really me for the first time. It was the best day I ever had. Mum went quiet, sniffed her nose and went back to work.

Thursday, February 9
Dear Diary
When I was walking home from school, I needed to pee. Guess what I did? I just let it flow in my pants. It was like I was having a lot of emotions in me. I was a child. I deserved to be loved and hugged and doted over. So by the time I knocked the Jonson’s door, I was totally wet. Mrs Jonson did not get mad and did not say a lot except poor me
She started taking off my clothes and asked me how often I was wetting.
I told her this was the first time in the day. I have been wetting every night and this made mom mad, as when she had to rush in the morning, she did not have time for a bed wetter. I said it made me sad when my mom got mad.
Mr Jonson said it was horrible my parents did not love me to take care of a problem I have. Love means supporting someone no matter what.
I told them dad wanted me to see a doctor or shrink. This upset Mrs Jonson that said I just needed love and respect.
She asked me if I would wear a diaper while I was being babysat. I thought about their furniture and said I didn’t mind, in fact, it was a good ideal.
So when mom came, she lost her temper. She saw me wear tights and a yellow petticoat dress with ribbons in my hair. She asked was I playing dress up again and was told no. She went totally berserk when she was told I wore a diaper because I wet myself
“Stop acting like a faggy Sissy Baby” she shouted.
It’s good I didn’t know what faggy meant. I gave Jonson’s a hug but refused to give mom a hug.
At home dad was furious. I was sent to my room.
I could hear my parents fighting, blaming each other blaming I was so weird. I heard mom say that they really do not know me and should get to know me and accept I could be transgender. That was another new word I learnt
I heard a door slam and a car speeding off.

Wednesday, February 15
Dear Diary
Daddy left us so now its only mom and me. She says she is getting a divorce. I do not really care. Mom has been very quiet and is getting used to seeing me as a girl when she collects me. She said when I am at home or school, I am to dress as a boy and that even meant no pigtails or ribbons.
Otherwise, she is always quiet and when she looks at me, she looks at me like I am some alien.
I am happy with the Jonson’s. I wear girl clothes and am treated like a baby. They even put me in a highchair when we eat and I love when I lay on the sofa on Mrs Jonson’s lap when she gives me a drink in a bottle. I love when she dresses me and especially brushes my hair.
When I was at the Jonson’s, I was not treated as a baby girl. I knew that I was a baby girl. I was the centre of their world. I felt happiest when I was a girl. I was happiest when I was in pretty clothes and could play with girl clothes.
I am not a rebel. I am really a girl in a boy’s body.
I am most happy when allowed to be a girl.
Maybe this is why I had a tantrum today and refused to go home with mom. It ended that she nearly had to drag me home.
By the way, yesterday was valentines. I only got one card but I know who sent it, as I see the person put the card in my bag. It was Sebastian. I am so happy

Thursday, February 23
Dear Diary
Tonight my mom told me to come to my room before bed. She said that she spoke with the Jonson’s and I have been wetting all the time. They suggested that I wear diapers all the time until I didn’t need them anymore. She was saying this as she put a diaper on me and told me I was now a diaper boy until I could learn to be like any other boy that was normal.
This was like a knife in my heart. Mom thinks I am weird.
The problem is that I started wetting on purpose. I don’t know why I did this but it just felt like it’s the right thing to do. Now I wet myself without even knowing it. I lost control of my bladder
I know I will be teased at school because of the diaper.

Tuesday, February 28
Dear Diary
Today, the Jonson’s dressed me up as a girl and told me we were going to the mall. I was wearing a diaper and a yellow dress with tights and a pink coat. I had Mary Janes on and ribbons in my hair. When we came to the mall, they put me in a stroller and we walked around the mall. I am small for my age, so people must have thought I was a big toddler. At first, I was so afraid they would see I was a boy, but they all gave me smiles saying I was cute.
We went to a jewellery shop and I sat on the chair. I was told this would be a present. The woman working there said I was very lucky my parents were doing this, as I would look like a princess. Before I knew me, I had earrings
On the way home, Mrs Jonson said it was strange when the woman called them my parents. She thought it felt good. Mr Jonson said they may as well be my parents
I was thinking of my earrings and was so proud of them. It was a sign that I now was a girl
Mom was not so proud of them, she asked what was next?
The Jonson’s asked mom to come in and chat. They said I have been there for two months and they loved me as their own daughter. They respected and supported me that I regressed as a baby and they allowed me to find myself as a girl. Then they said my home life was not good for me. I had parents that were getting a divorce and loved their job more than me. I had parents that did not know how to love me and considered me a trophy.
My mom was speechless
Then Mr Jonson said they would like me to live with them. They would provide a house with love and attention, something she could not provide.
Mom looked at me and said I sure do not want this,
I didn’t answer. Deep down I wouldn’t mind being their daughter.

Monday, March 6
Dear Diary
The last week has been strange. I was being asked to live at another house and get new parents. They were getting impatient and kept on telling me my mom didn’t love me.
They must have lost their patience because today Mrs. Jonson said, “Hannah, when are you moving in to be our daughter.
They called me Hannah, their daughter.

Thursday, March 9
Dear Diary
I couldn’t sleep and I walked out where mom was on the sofa looking at a picture of me. I sat down next to her.
“They were right. I am a bad mom. I never gave cuddles and spent that most time with you. I never realized you could consider yourself a girl. It’s all my fault you wet and act like a baby. You did it because you want my attention. The fact is my work was more important to you. Even when you were born I was annoyed as I had an important meeting that day.”
Mom was silent and said
“I want you to be happy. If you are not happy and feel most happy with the Jonson’s, then you can live there. But I want you to visit me every day. Maybe you can spend weekends here; it will be hell for me. As I will Miss you so much.”
Now I cried. Despite moms many faults as a mom, she was willing to sacrifice and she just wanted me to be happy. This is true love. I snuggled against mom and told her I was staying with her as her son. The Jonson’s called me Hannah which meant they just wanted me to replace their daughter.
Mum hugged me tight and said we were going to have a fresh start…. As a mom and daughter.

Saturday, April 15
Dear Diary
A lot has happened last month.
The day after mom and I talked, we told the Jonson’s we were no longer needing their services. Mrs Jonson cried and tried to tell me how bad mom was. I told her I did not want to replace their daughter and I love mom and she loves me.
Mom and dad have started divorce procedures. Dad does not speak with me. That is his loss.
I moved to a transgender friendly school where everyone considers me a girl. I also see a doctor that helps with hormones and all that. I even have friends at the new school and I am about to start ballet
Mom got rid of all my boys’ things and my room is a girl’s nursery. It was really fresh start as she treated me like a baby girl. Now we agreed I should potty train. I am trying my best as I can’t wait to wear panties and have a princess room
You may ask who babysits me. Mom does as she got another job. It pays less but she has lots of time with me. She says she is happy now.
Today we are cooking a meal. Mom says it’s important to forgive others and the Jonson’s does miss me. So we agreed we would invite them to dinner and they could always visit me if they don’t play the games they done before.
I have to go, as mom wants to brush my hair. She has new ribbons so I look pretty for dinner tonight.

Boomerang

“Don’t push me!” I shouted at John

I wanted to hit him, but he was too strong. It was a common day occurrence that John would tease me whenever he had a chance. He was not as smart as me and not as cute. The only thing that he had going for him was his strength and his ability to make others afraid of him. It seemed like that bullying me was his main hobby. He would call me a cherub or a geek. He thought I looked like an angel that was painted in our local church. I do admit that there is a strong resemblance but there is also one big difference. The angel in the church is a girl and she is a bit older than a toddler.

I was definitely not a girl and I was 12 years old! I admit my hair was wavy and blonde, and I had huge blue eyes and everyone was jealous of my rosy cheeks and long eyebrows. I was also very small for my age. I had a twin sister, and many thought I was her little brother. Some idiots even said I looked like her little sister. Mom and Dad thought I was cute, as every old woman that seen me and pinked my cheek.

This was an excuse for John to bully me every day. I was not as strong, stupid or ugly as he was. Today was no exception. When I went out to the playground, I tried to hide over by the sandbox. He must have some inbuilt radar because he found me. I tried walking away but he pushed me to the ground and this caused me to cry as I scratched my knee. This was another weird thing about me. I cried very easily. But let’s face it. When you scratch your knee, it hurts. Then came the verbal bullying, that the cherub was a cry-baby and would go home crying to his mother. I stood up and looked defiant. Deep down I was very afraid, but I tried not to let this show. I told him it was enough and it was wrong that he bullied people better than him. This made him mad, and he raised his fists ready to strike me. However, the bell rang and I was saved by the bell.

School was finally over. I ran home and locked our door. I went up to my room and sat on the bed in just stared at the walls. Tears were running down my cheeks. I was tired of John and being his punching bag every day. What could I do? I could not tell my parents, as I would be known as a little baby that cries to his mom. I could not fight him, as it would mean that I would need a bus to hit him. It would take me years to train and be strong enough to lift a bus. Moving to another school would be an option, but I bet there was a John in every school. It seemed like there was no hope!

My twin sister came to me and asked why I was crying. I threw a pillow at her and told her I wanted to be alone. However she really wanted to help me and gave me that speech that she is my twin sister, and we have a stronger connection than other people have. This means she was genuinely concerned about seeing her brother crying on the bed. I yelled and called her names and told her to get out and leave me alone. I could see her eyes become teary and she was mumbling that she only asked because she cared. I told her to get her ugly face out. I didn’t think she was ugly. I knew she used a lot of time in front of the mirror because she had low self-esteem and thought she was ugly. I didn’t mean to call her ugly, but I knew it would get her to my room, even if it meant she would cry.

Mom came into the room and was mad at me. She started by asking why my sister was crying. She got no answer. She then told me not to give my sister a bad time and definitely no to make her cry. I shrugged my shoulders and did not know what to say. Mom gave me a speech for a long time and then finished up by saying that in a few days, my room would be painted. I started complaining but that did not help. Mom said if I liked the colour, I would be happier and my room would look so pretty.

Pretty???

Before she went out, she said that she had to figure out what to do with my wavy hair that was getting too long.

The next day was no better at school. John bullied me once again. He pushed me against the wall and asked why I did not fight him. I wanted to tell him I valued my life, but I just begged to let me go. He called me a momma’s boy and asked if I wanted my twin sister or my mom to come and fight for me. I tried one last time begging John to let me go in peace. He just laughed and hit me in the stomach. I fell to the ground as everyone started laughing, I pretended to be hurt more than I was, and this worked as he did not hit me again. I looked around to see where a teacher was. There was none, so I had to wait and be teased until the bell rang.

Once again, I came home. My mom was getting all her paint things ready and my dad was reading the newspaper. Mom asked have I bullied again. This made Dad sigh. I told them I did not want to talk about it. My dad said I should stand up for myself and not be such a wimp. Bullies need to feel the pain to stop what they were doing. My mom got mad at him and said we did not live in the Wild West. She said she had arranged a time for me to speak with a shrink.

I ran into my bedroom and closed the door. My dad wanted me suddenly to be a boxer that would only end up in pain for me, while my mom wanted me to see a shrink. She thought I was crazy. Why could the world not just let me in peace? Why did I need muscles and the ability to punch stupid bullies? I was not even a teenager yet. I was still a child and I just wanted to be happy and safe.

My twin sister came in. I figured everyone else had a go at me so why should she not? She told me that she will leave me alone, but had a present for me. She said she found it on the net. It was a spell that would stop bullies. All I had to do was look at him and read the spell. I looked at the spell and smiled. I asked would it work. My sister nodded and said even if it was uncertain, it would be best to try it. I nodded my head and my let me sister sit down where we chatted about everything. She ended up by chatting with boys. I did not want to say about them, as she was telling me who she thought was cute or not. It was when she asked me who I thought was cute, that I told her I wanted to be alone.

Lunch came the next day and I was standing brave and did not even hide. John came up to me and asked me if I was ready to fight? I started reading the spell that my sister gave me.

Beware thee bully of people

and thee shouldst he'd t

the next timeth thee teaseth

the next timeth thee useth violence

the next timeth thee subdue valorous people

thund'r shall roar

people shall nay longeth'r seeth thee as a sir

those gents shall seeth thee as a female

a wench

a princess

nay longeth'r beest afraid of thee

and may this teachest thee respect and compassion

John looked at me, and he was silent for some time and started laughing calling me an oddball. He hit me in the stomach and said this was not a poetry class and poetry was for geeks. I fell to the ground once again, thinking where the thunder that would put a spell on him was? The only thunder that came was a second fist hitting me. I was in tears not only from the pain but also from the fact that I really hoped this so-called spell would work. Now look at me, I was on the ground once again, in the mercy of someone that had a brain the size of a pea. Maybe dad was right. Only the strong survive. Intelligent people get treated like dirt and under the control of the bullies.

I was mad when I came home. My twin sister was already there talking to my mom and dad. I rushed into the sitting room and started yelling that she tricked me. The spell did not work and everyone just laughed at me. My sister tried consoling me saying that at least I tried. I pushed her to the floor which made mom start to panic. I called her every name in the book while I picked up a teddy bear that was there and tore its head off.

Then I jumped as I heard a huge thunder noise. Suddenly there was stormy weather outside and I never have seen so much lightning and heard so much thunder. My sister crawled into moms lap and cuddled for some protection while I found myself on my dad’s lap, burying my face in his lap every time thunder came. I asked my sister to forgive me. She said it was ok.

It thundered again and I remembered the spell.

I went to bed and hoped my sister forgiven me. There was no excuse for me to take out all my frustrations on her and be the bully I so much hated. The storm lasted for a long time, so I could hardly sleep, and when I did I must have twisted and turned in the bed, as when I woke up, the sheets were everywhere. I hated the storm but the sun was shining today and it was great spring weather. I smiled as I walked to school, looking at the flowers springing up and noticed how busy the birds were. God did such a good job when he created the world. The only bad thing he did was to allow bullies. Despite this, I was in a good mood

It was time for my daily punishment, but on the way out to the playground, the school counsellor asked me to come to his office. I went in and sat down on this comfortable chair. He asked me if I had anything to say. I said no. Then he told me that anything that was said in here would stay in his office. I still had nothing to say. This made him sigh as he explained that he knew the other children bullied me and treated me bad. I wanted to open up to him about his but knew it would not help. The counsellor just said that some people get teased because they are different. He knew I was different I was not like other boys. I still said nothing. In a way, I would rather be outside getting punched by John than listening to this. He told me that some children hide a big secret and they are afraid to tell others because they think they are weird. They should tell an adult so the adult can help. He looked at me and asked did I want to tell him anything. I said no and this frustrated him. He said that if I felt like I should have been born as a girl, I should tell him. It was about now that my body will be entering puberty and if I felt like a girl, I would need some help with my body. This was now too weird and I closed my ears to whatever he had to say.

I didn’t get bullied that day.

When I came home, my bedroom door was locked. I was told I would be sleeping with my twin. My room was being painted. This was ok. I really needed to speak to someone about what the counsellor said. I told her everything as we sat on the floor playing with her dolls. She did not have much to say except it could be the spell. This made me shake in fear. I bullied my sister and now the counsellor thinks I want to be a girl! I would have to march into his office the next day and say I was a boy and only a boy. I quickly forgot about the counsellor and the spell as I got involved with playing with the dolls. I even told my sister we should redo her dollhouse, and move the furniture around so it looked prettier.

Before I knew it, it was time to go to bed. It was only when I was trying to sleep that I realized that I was playing dolls with my sister and I loved it. Was this bad?

I woke up and was in a good mood. It was like being on a sleepover when I was in my sister’s room. I know I played with her dolls, but I just thought I done that to be nice to her. It was now a new day and it looked like it would be great weather today.

Mom looked like she was worried. At last, she said she had a story that we would not believe. When she was painting my room, the bucket of paint fell on my dresser, so when she was cleaning up and opened all the drawers, she could see that all my clothes were destroyed. My first reaction was that I did not believe it. My second reaction was to cry and my final reaction was to think at least I get new clothes. My mom put some clothes on the bed. It was football shorts and a t-shirt. I didn’t mind this despite the legs of football shorts were so baggy. Mom looked at me and said that she was sorry, but the only briefs she had was my sister’s old panties. I held them up in shock and asked am I expected to wear them as they were pink with white lace around the edges. Mum said that no one would see them. That may well be the case, but I would know I had them on.

At breakfast, I was in no mood to talk as I felt like a freak with panties on. To make things worse, mom said she does not think I needed a haircut. She was thinking out loud while she said my hair would look great in pigtails. I could feel my heart beating hard as I was wondering if the spell was now affecting her. Did she ruin my clothes because she wanted all my boy things gone?

Things did not go better at school. I was sitting at my desk and trying to concentrate on the class when a girl dropped a pen. I did not even notice her dropping it or going to the desks to look for it. When she found it and sat on her chair again, she was staring at me. Then she sent a note to her friend and the note went to everyone in the class, until the teacher got it. The teacher picked it up and read it silently. I was worried about what was on it, especially when the teacher asked me if it was true. How was I to know? I was the only one not to read it. I stayed silent and the teacher told me I could go to the counsellor and explain to him why I was wearing pink panties. I wanted the earth to swallow me. My legs were spread and the girl seen up my shorts when she picked up her pen.

The counsellor asked me if I wanted to speak today. I tried explaining the truth that my mom destroyed all my clothes. He sighed and said that he found it very hard to believe. Then he gave a speech about it being easier if I admitted how I felt. When I admitted it, I could be helped. I sat and thought. If he didn’t believe my mom destroyed my clothes, he would never have believed I was under a spell…. a spell I put on myself. I looked at him in the eyes and told him I did think the panties were pretty and they felt better than briefs. They were snuggly and were so soft. I admitted this and could see a smile come on his face. Then I told him I was a boy, I was not a girl and did not want to be a girl. He sighed and told me I knew where he was if I needed him.

On my way out of school, everyone was staring at me and giggling. Some were whispering I was the one with the pink panties. Others were brave enough to come up to me and ask me if I was a girl. I wished the school hallways were not so long and there were so many children in them. I didn’t answer any of them. I just marched towards the front door. I wanted to get out and go home and hide.

The strange thing is that John stood there behind others. He had his hands in his pocket and leaned against the wall and just stared. He did not say a word. That was a relief.

When I came home, my mom looked like a pink monster, with all the paint on her. She wanted me to see my newly painted room. I looked at the pink on her and my heart started to beat fast. She did not paint my room pink? Surely she must also have painted my sister's room? I got my answer when she opened my door. My room was now pink with posters of puppies and rabbits and butterflies and Disney princesses. There were teddy bears on my bed and there was my sister's doll house. My mom was excited and asked what I thought. I thought this spell was working too fast and the only word I said was “pink”.

She told me it was light lilac, and not pink. My sister gave me the dollhouse because I played with it. I only played with it once. I wanted to destroy my room but I knew that mom worked so hard to do it. She did not know about the spell, so it was not her fault. When the spell wore down, she would probably redo it. I gave her a hug and not knowing what to do, I sat down and played with the dolls.

My mom said I should sleep early, as I had to see the psychologist the next day. At least I didn’t have to go to school.

I wore my sister's denim overall to the shrinks and sandals. It was not that sissy like, despite it had a cute bear on the front of it. The sandals were light blue with small hearts. I looked like a mommas boy that found his sisters clothes. The shrink was a nice old woman and told me to sit at a table when she talked with my mom. There were Legos and some dolls. I hate Legos and picked up a doll and started fixing its clothes. I bet a 5-year-old tried to dress it. I finished by brushing the doll’s hair.

The shrink sent mom out and I sat on a chair. She said I looked very pretty. I tried explaining they were my sister’s clothes as my mom destroyed my clothes. She told me I was very brave as most boys would demand new clothes straight away and refuse to be seen with girl clothes. She quickly changed the subject and said she noticed I played with the dolls and my mom said I had a dolls house. I sighed and told her I am not a girl in a boy’s body. I explained I tried putting a spell on a bully that would make him a sissy and things backfired when I bullied my sister, now everyone thinks I am a girl. I asked her how to stop it. She wrote some notes down on her pad and told me the spell could be wishful thinking, and an excuse for me to show how I really feel. I didn’t say anything more. She didn’t believe me.

When we came home, my mom was putting all my sister's old clothes in my dresser and wardrobe. She said if I ever wanted boy clothes, they would have to save up. She added that I had to be sure I wanted boy’s clothes. My dad came in and looked like he did not want to look at me and my new sissy bedroom. Mom spoke in very adult words that the shrink said I had gender identity problems. Mom said it was very important that I be helped in my transitioning or I could become very unhappy or even suicidal. My heart was once again beating hard and I wanted to yell at them that it is a spell, but I knew they would not believe it.

I looked on the internet for the spell, but could not find the spell. I hoped there would be information how to reverse the spell. I could not even find it.

The next day, I wore some cotton legging shorts and a t-shirt with and cute kitten on it. My hair was long and wavy and looked more girlish the more that I brushed it. I had the sandals on and ankle socks. Mom told me I had a good fashion taste and I looked pretty. She put my hair in a ponytail saying it looks better that way. Dad didn’t say anything; he was reading a brochure called “blocker shots, stopping puberty”. I saw two others on the table. One was called “hormones for transgender boys” “and the last one, “Help, my son is a girl”. I knew what he was trying to find out. I did not protest, as I was hoping the spell would wear out.

It did not. It was just as bad at school. People did not whisper or point at me that day and that was strange. I was expecting people to point and laugh and giggle. No one did that. I was afraid and it meant something unknown would happen. I doubt very much that they would just forget about the pink panties and more important they would notice the clothes I was wearing. No one teased. In fact, I could have been invisible. I was afraid of lunch break.

I hid in a corner during lunch break, but John found me. This meant he would beat me up and things would get back to normal. Maybe the spell would break.

He sat down to me and spoke in a soft tone. He said he was sorry he always bullied me. He told me that he now respected me because I was not afraid to show that I had a boy’s body but girls mind. This takes a whole lot of courage. It took more courage than letting him hit me. I told him it was a spell that made others believe I was a girl and the spell should have been for him. I told him everything that happened until now. He actually believed me. However he added that I did not fight the spell, I did not protest. In fact, I accepted it and didn’t mind.

He was right

He continued to tell me he could always see a girl hidden in me, and that is why he beat me up. Now he could see how brave I was. This impressed him. In fact, he would find it hard not to fancy me if I wore a dress. He hoped that he would be brave enough to ask me out.

John went. I knew now that people now considered me a girl.

I went home and sat down holding a teddy bear. I was so confused. Why did I just accept the spell and not fight it? Why did I not fight it? What did I think that I was being treated more and more like a girl? Then I thought of John, would he be fun going on a date with John.

My twin sister came in and sat down. We were quiet for some time until she started brushing my hair. I loved when my hair was brushed. My twin said in a soft voice, “I am not stupid. You thought that you put a spell on yourself when you were mean to me. I do not think that is enough for how much you accepted wearing my clothes, and your bedroom and dolls. You could have said no. You accepted when people said you were a girl. However, you slowly accepted it. You even picked your clothes today. You did not argue over a girl’s room. You did not argue when mom put your hair in a ponytail”

I started crying

My sister continued, “The spell was not real. I made it up. The spell gave you an excuse to let others see you as a girl, and treat you like a girl. I think you slowly are starting to think and act like a girl. The spell did nothing. It's empty words. However, it opened your mind and heart. I do not know what you want, but I am your sister. You always have my support”

I was left alone. I looked around my room. The words of my sister were in my head as well as the counsellor's, shrinks and Johns. I was playing with the dollhouse and the words were still going in my head

Before bed, I prayed to God to be at my side

The next day, I woke up. It took me a long time to pick the clothes I needed that day.

I looked in a mirror. I had a purple dress on with a glitter heart and white tights and Mary Janes. I would ask my mom to put me in pigtails.

I was smiling and I felt great

I wanted to look good for when I visited the counsellor.

Butterfly Curse

I always hated my name! Why do parents call their children strange names? Do they not realise that these names stick with children all their life? I am 11 and I also want to change my name. My mother called me Harper and I am a boy. Besides me hating my name, I had a perfect life. I had a good mother that was not an evil bitch or worried too much about us. She gave us freedom and never really got mad at us. It was only me and my sister that was 10. She was born nearly a year after me. When she was born, my father left us, so I don’t really remember him or even miss him.

So I lived in a small but happy family. My mother came from a rich family, so she had a lot of money so she could dedicate her life to us. It was also an excuse that she could have fun. As I said, she never got mad at us, but maybe that’s because when she said something, we knew that she meant it. While I was a quiet boy, my sister was a bit noisier. She was not afraid of anything, especially saying what she thinks. She was a typical girl. You know she liked everything that was pink and she liked dolls and toys like that. I must admit that she was growing out of them. People thought that we were twins, as we were the same size. There was a year between us. This meant she was not considered the little sister, but the same as me.

One thing that annoyed me was when I wanted to watch sports on TV. It was very hard when your sister and mother couldn’t keep quiet. I found a solution. I visited an old man who came from China. We lived in a small town and I always wondered who bought the strange medicine that he sold. The shop was an old dark dusty shop that was one big mess. But he didn’t speak and bother me when we looked at football.

It was one of these days when I visited him. There was an important football game and both Mom and my sister were home. I cycled to his shop and we soon were staring at the game. After the first goal, we shouted it was our favourite team that scored. I was suddenly thirsty and I tried to stay quiet, as I knew that the Chinese man hated when I interrupted. I don’t know if you ever tried to concentrate on something, and you couldn’t because something was in your head. I was like this for 15 minutes, but then I asked him did he have a drink? He scowled at me and said there were some Chinese bottles behind me and I can take the one that said spring drink. I looked at the brown bottles, but the writing was in Chinese. I was about to ask him, but I could see that he was already irritated. I took the bottle with a butterfly on it and took a drink of it. It was like it exploded in my mouth. I continued to drink it, while the Chinese man stood up as there was about to be another goal. I couldn’t see the TV, as everything around me became pink. I felt dizzy as I was on a cloud, and then I felt pains in my chest. While the man went wild over a goal, I collapsed on the bed. I knew that it must have been poison, but I didn’t cry. I never cried! I felt my eyes become heavy, as I seen the Chinese man standing over me, saying “What did you do? You will never be the same again”

There seemed to be blackness, and I couldn’t open my eyes. I heard voices. I heard my mother and sister cry. I heard my mother ask someone when will I wake up as it was 4 days. I heard my sister ask if I was going to die? I struggled to open my eyes and I couldn’t. I thought I must have been in a hospital. This blackness continued for a bit when I could see some light in my eyelids. With all my strength I opened my eyes. My mother, sister, a Chinese man and a doctor was standing above me. I was alive. The Doctor said I should get some rest and everyone should leave. The Chinese man said he would sit with me.

The others left and the Chinese man pulled down my sheets, and then pulled down my pyjamas. I knew it. I was 11; old enough that he wanted to molest me. That must be why he had no wife. I wanted to scream but was too weak to. I looked down and seen my body. Then I felt anxiety and weak. I must have fainted because everything went black again. When I woke up, I asked him where my body was.

The Chinese man explained, “The bottle you have drunk was a special medicine that costs a lot of money. It is to make old people young again. Only 3 bottles exist in the world and you drunk a half of a bottle. As you are already young, the magic in the bottle did not know what to do, so it changed your body to a girl’s body. You now have the body of a girl”
“Well give me more so I am a boy again”
“You nearly died from this, and we do not know if there are any side effects. If you drank more, it will most certainly kill you.”
“What side effect. I am no longer a boy. What else can go wrong?”
“You have the body of a girl but the mind you always had, the mind of a boy. The medicine was supposed to make you younger, so your body can act like its younger still or what’s worse, people will think you are younger”
“Mum will be so mad when she finds out I am a girl”
“She thinks you are a boy now as does everyone else. That is because she has not seen your body. You can continue as a boy and living as a boy, as long as people does not see what is below your underpants. If they do, the magic will affect them that they will think you always have been a girl and just are a tomboy. There is one exception to this, you can say this to one person and they will know the truth. But if two or more sees you naked, the whole world will think you have deceived them or hid the fact that you were actually a girl”
“I don’t understand a word of this. All I understand is that your stupid medicine made me a girl and now I feel like a freak! I hate you!
“The best is that no one ever sees your body, and then you can be a boy”

I got mad at him and told him to leave and I never wanted to see him again. He left and I laid there looking at the ceiling. It was his fault as he had the potion where I could see it. He could have helped me pick the right drink. I felt a few tears come to my face and before I knew it, I was crying!

The next morning, I woke up and decided I had the mind of the boy. The fact that my body was the body of a girl did not bother me. I was going to be a boy. I put on some underwear and a t-shirt and cargo pants. Somehow they felt a bit course. I didn’t understand this, but I didn’t care. I had to get past my mother that thought I was still dying. I convinced her that I needed fresh air and I needed to see my friends. She allowed me as long as I did not overdo it

I went to the local park, where my friends were playing football. I didn’t really take an easy. I had a lot of energy and played as I didn’t play in a week or so, which was true. My friends were happy to see me after the hearing I was very sick. I didn’t have much time as it was time to play! I sprang around the football field and even managed to get a few goals. I forgot the curse of what happened to my body until one boy said that he could not believe I was so sick, as I was prancing around the field like a ballet dancer. I wondered did he know. I felt like crying, but I managed to keep the tears back. After the game, we sat down and talked about how great summer holidays were. There were some girls there. They never spoke to me before, but the prettiest of them all started whispering to me. Her name was Sabrina and was so hot. The others could not hear what she was saying, and I suppose that was good, as she was telling me I did look like a dancer because I was so flexible. She also liked that my hair was now long. I didn’t notice it, but my hair did grow a lot. I didn’t care, as it was Sabrina, the hottest girl in the class that was now speaking with me,

The next few days were heaven during the day when I was with my friends. I would play football and hang around with friends. I was like my old self. Sabrina and I were the best of friends, and some people even said that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. The only time I was sad was when I was home. I was forced to sit on the toilet when I peed, and when I took a bath, I was reminded that I was now a girl, or had a girl’s body. When I looked in the mirror, I could see what was missing and my hair was growing very fast. It was now half ways down to my shoulders. I suppose this was just the girl genes in the body wanting to make me look more like a girl. I asked my mother if I should get a haircut. She said my hair looked cute long. It brought out the rebel side of me. I didn’t argue with her. At night, when I was in bed, I would think about Sabrina. Every day that went by meant that she was my girlfriend. Was it fair that I didn’t tell her that I had a girl’s body?

It was a few weeks after I drank the potion. My hair was now down to my shoulders, but thankfully it was growing less and less. Everyone noticed that it was long now and they joked by saying what fertiliser did I use? They also knew that Sabrina was my girlfriend.

I woke up one morning and was smiling. Yes, the potion destroyed my body, but no one knew this and I was happy. However, something was a bit strange this morning. I had a strange feeling and I started to think what it was. It felt like I was in the middle of a lake. I looked at the sheets and found out that I was wet. I could not believe it! I was wet! I peed the bed. I started to panic, thinking the Chinese man said that my body could lose its functions, as it was acting like it was younger. I started to cry. I could not believe that I was crying. I never cried. I got control of myself and then I quickly got washed and changed the bed. I took the sheets down to the hamper. My mother saw them and she just sighed and said I was a bit too old to be wetting the bed. Then she just gave me a hug and said that it must be the warm nights.
I went outside and went to the park as usual. Mum was right, it was very hot. We didn’t wait and chat much as we started kicking the ball around. After 20 minutes, we were all feeling like we were in an oven. The other boys started taking off their t-shirts. I just looked impatiently as I wanted to continue kicking the ball. They looked at me, and asked why I was not afraid to take off mine. I begged that we just continue playing, as I was fine. They wouldn’t stop and even asked if I am hiding boobs. It was now that I remembered the body I was hiding. I think that I went white and started to panic a bit. I looked at Sabrina, and I could not see any bumps in her tight t-shirt. That made me happy remembering most girls do not enter puberty when they are 11. I slowly take off the t-shirt so I was now bare on the top. I looked at the football and was about to kick it until a boy said that I had boobs. I looked down and noticed that there were two small bumps. I then felt them and it was true. My chest was beginning to grow. I wished the world would swallow me as I thought that I always looked down below, not my chest in the mirror. I looked down and this time, I was sure after looking twice. I did have some bumps. The boys teased and called me boob boy and everything else they could think about. One boy was reaching out towards it, and I ran away before he could touch them. I sat below a tree and noticed that tears were coming down my eyes. It then just it me, that I was crying. I have been crying when they teased me. More tears fell from my eyes as I felt sorry for myself. I was ashamed that I was crying once again, I was so sad. My life was now destroyed over some potion. I was crying my eyes out when Sabrina came to me and then put her arm around me. She was explaining that some boys had bumps; it was just something that happened during puberty. She knew this was just a phase that he was going through. I was crying louder, it was the first time that she said she loved me. I cried more. I wanted to pull my shorts down and show her that I had the same body as her. I bet she wouldn’t love me then. I ran home.

The next few days, I stayed home. Sabrina tried to send me text messages and ask why I wasn’t playing football, and I should at least try to be friends with the other again, as they forgot about it. I also knew that the probably have forgotten about it, but that was not the problem. I had two major problems that I had to figure out. The most important problem I had was that I was wetting my bed. I couldn’t understand why. The first few days, Mum said that it was just because I was stressed or had a problem. After a few days, I could see that she was now getting worried and was telling us that she would be ringing the doctor. I didn’t pay any notice to this. I just was worried about getting up, and cleaning up before mum could see. I was afraid she would she would see me when I was getting changed. That is also why I didn’t go out so much, what would happen if I wet myself while I was out with friends? Another reason is that I was very emotional. I cried over every little thing. This was confusing as I was always strong. I noticed sometimes that I had to put a thumb in my mouth, and then I would calm down. I could not let the others see me in a crying fit, and ending up with a thumb in my mouth. Until now only Sabrina saw me cry and that was enough

It was like my life was turned upside down. I now had a girl’s body and then starting to wet the bed every day and crying like a girl. I felt so alone. I didn’t want to talk with the Chinese man as he was the one that gave me this curse. I had to tell someone. So one evening, I asked my sister to come to my room and told her that I had a secret. She starting saying that she knew about the bedwetting, but I told her to hush. I took a deep breath and told her that I was a girl. Her reaction was that she burst out laughing. I then pulled down my shorts and shown her my privates. I could see that she went white in the face and was trying to ask why. I told her everything and then said she will remember that I was a boy because I told her. But if others found out, they will think that I was always a girl. She was very understanding about it and said I was lucky because being a girl was better than being a boy. She promised that she would tell no one. After that, we played with her dolls.

It was like a sudden burden was lifted from my shoulders. The next day I was once again playing with the friends and they teased, but I did not mind that much. They asked me how my boy boobs were and did I want to be a girl with my long hair. I just smiled and continued to kick the ball. If they only knew the whole truth. Still, I was happy, as when I was playing football, I could forget about the things that were happening to me. I could forget and concentrate on kicking a ball.

After a day of playing football, I came in the door and mum asked me if how I could get so dirty. I noticed that she has been shopping. She told me to go to the bathroom and take a bath. I just nodded as she often said this when I came home. I went in and took a bath. I must have been there for a while because Mum asked several times if I was finished. I got out of the tub and walked to my bedroom. I nearly fainted when my mother was standing there, with a towel on the bed. I could feel my face go white. I told my mother that I can put on my own night clothes. Before I knew it, Mum took my arm and I was on the bed. I don’t know how I managed to do it, but I got up and rushed to the door. My mother came and scooped me up and threw me on the bed. I was so embarrassed that she could lift me. I was small and thin, but I never expected this. I shouted that I can get my own clothes on; however, the woman was too strong. Despite I was crying and screaming and kicking, she managed to remove the towel. She must have seen my girl’s parts because she suddenly froze. The only sound was me crying and a sudden thunder sound outside.

It was like as if she went white and then I could see her staring at my privates. Then she froze again and looked straight ahead of her. She has a blank look on her face, and then she was back to herself. Then it was like and she snapped back to herself. “Listen, princess, you have been wetting the bed for the last week. I don’t know why it is, and I just want to stop. I think it’s time to stop acting like a tomboy playing boy games and looking like a boy. From now on you will be more ladylike. I am throwing all these boy clothes out and I will buy you clothes that a girl your age should wear. Until then you are to wear your sister’s clothes. She is the same size as you. After supper every night, you are to wear diapers. Let’s hope that the bed stays dry”

She called me a princess, and then she said that I was to stop being a tomboy. The Chinese man was right; she will think I have always been a girl. I tried telling her that I didn’t want to wear my sister’s clothes. I knew it was a waste of time telling her that I am a boy. She could see my body, and it was not a boy’s body. I begged her to let me wear boys clothes as well as not wear the bulky diapers. She just put a mad look on her face and said I should be lucky I was not wearing diapers all day and toddler dresses. I mumbled something and let the tears run out.

Needless to say, my sister teased and laughed at me. She was saying that she was now the older sister. I wanted to throw a pillow at her, but it seems like my body wanted to cry. Once again I started to cry as my sister just sat there. I think I understood her. She knew I was a boy that and here I was wearing a diaper and a white nightgown that went to my knees. I think I cried myself to sleep, as my clothes were put in boxes and my sister's old clothes were put in their place.

I woke up the next morning; I put on some panties and white leggings that went just below my knees. Then I found a yellow t-shirt with a crown on it. I realized that the others would still think I was a boy. I did not want to go out and play, but I did not hang around home so my mum would drag me out shopping for girl clothes. I slowly went out towards the park. I wanted to strip the clothes off, as it felt they felt like they were clinging to me. Plus they were so girlish. I didn’t jump into playing football; I just sat in a corner looking at them. It didn’t stop them from stopping the game and then came over to me. They stared at my clothes, and then one said that he always knew I was a sissy, as why I had hair to my shoulders. Then they started laughing and teasing and calling me names such as girly, sissy and even gay! I ran home and hid in my room until my mother came to put a diaper on me. Then I cried that night.

The next day, I figured that they would be over it. I wore some black leggings that looked like tights and a tank top that was white with a tiara on it. The only difference in my hair was that it’s in a ponytail. I wondered why my sister ever wore clothes like that. As I came close to the football field, I could hear that they once again starting to call names. I just walked away as I knew what they wanted to call me. I went to my hiding place by the lake. I just sat down with a few tears flowing down my cheeks. I no longer got mad at myself when I cried. I was getting used to it. I would have loved to play football, but now I just sat here thinking of how my life sucked, just because I had a girl’s body. Then I heard Sabrina’s voice. She sat beside me and then gave me a hug. I looked at her and noticed she was wearing the same leggings. This made me want the earth to swallow me. She put her arm around me and told me she always knew I was special. She started giving a lecture that it was OK being a sissy. She explained that I looked more like a girl than a boy, and I was cute. She told me how brave I was showing the world that I was a sissy, and didn’t mind girl clothes. I was trying to get a word in edgeways but I couldn’t. Then she told me she considered me her boyfriend and she was deep in love with me. I looked at her and said I had to tell her the truth. I didn’t get a chance to; as we heard the boys come

Sabrina and I stood up. I was thinking that the boys would tease us that we were now boyfriend and girlfriend. They started saying that we had the same leggings on and then the oldest boy said they were so tight, and yet he could not see any tent in mine. Then they started discussing if I was a sissy or really a girl. Then the oldest boy told me to pull down my leggings and prove it. I knew why he wanted me to do it. He wanted to embarrass me in front of Sabrina. I just stood there and refused to. I wanted to run away, but there was a lake on one side of me. I knew they were serious and it didn’t help that Sabrina went into a panic, telling me to run. I also knew this was the only way out. I looked at the boys and started to run as fast as I could towards the weakest one. A few months ago, I could have taken him down. However, I had a different body now and managed to slowly push him away. However, it was too slow and the other boys ganged up on me. All I could see was hands all over the place. I could feel the leggings being pulled down. I fought as much as I could but I could slowly feel them being pulled down and then it was my panties turn. I could hear them laughing when they saw the panties, and then everything went quiet when the panties were pulled down. Then they just stopped and had a blank look on their face. I heard the thunder sound again and then the boys stood back. They had wide eyes and after a few minutes, in which I managed to pull up the leggings and see normal, they said, “Why did we always think you were a boy? You are a girl! You just pretended to be a boy to play football. I always thought you were too pretty to be a boy.” The boys were in shock and just walked away. Sabrina stood there with tears in her eyes. She didn’t say anything but slapped my face and walked off.

The next week I was at home. I didn’t dare go out as now everyone considered me a girl. The boys were hardly going to let a girl play football, and how stupid is that? Sabrina also hated me now. I just stayed at home and watched TV. There was nothing good on at daytime except children’s cartoons and other shows where taught you how to count or what colour was what. The thing is after a few days, I became engrossed in these. I would stare at the child’s programs all day, despite my sister teasing and my mother asking if I had anything better to do. I was subdued in a way; I no longer cared what happened. When I was getting my diaper on, mum always asked me if I was depressed.

One day Mum said we had to go out and get some help. I wondered what help she meant. She put me in a denim dress and we went downtown. She went towards the Chinese man and was going to walk in. She was holding my hand and I tried to pull away – I did not want to see that man again. He was the one that caused all my problems. Mum just pulled me in and we were suddenly in a little tea room at the back. The man said it’s a long time since he saw me, and I just scowled at him. My Mum was speaking to him how I would not accept I was a girl. She told him I was depressed since she started telling me to wear diapers and girl clothes. I was confident and smiling. At least the Chinese man would tell her the truth of how I became like this, and give me some potion. But he started telling her what he thinks about children and said the best way to cure my condition was a regression. I didn’t even know what this meant. I tried to say it but could not even pronounce it. I went out to the shop while they continued talking what the word meant. I had a better idea. I went into the shop and tried looking for the same bottle with a potion. I searched the whole store and I could not find it. Then he came out and I told him that he ruined my life, He touched the ponytail and told me that things would get far worse than they will get better. It would have helped if I just accepted I was a girl. I told him I hated him.

When we got home, Mum was on the phone and paying for things over the internet. I just sat and seen the children’s shows. Mum told me that she is glad she told the man that I saw those, as he said it shows that rejuvenation is the right way. I just scowled and said that the man is crazy. Mum came towards me and put a pacifier in my mouth. I should have to spit it out but just sucked it,

Two days later I woke up to a lot of noise. My mother came in and told me to go down to the sitting room as there were some men that were working in the house. I pointed towards the wet diaper I was wearing and mum sighed and told me to lie on the bed. I thought that was strange as I just usually ripped them off. I was shocked when she put another diaper on me. I never wore them a day. I tried to protest that there were men here. My mother just puts a pacifier in my mouth telling me not to take it out. I walked out just wearing a diaper with a pacifier in my mouth. The men gave me strange looks. I wanted to stick my finger up at them but walked into and seen Teletubbies. It was hard to see with all the noise but I managed, despite my sister asking if I am not embarrassed I was 11 and laying on the floor with just a diaper on and pacifier in my mouth. She also laughed when a workman came with a bottle of milk. I looked at it. It was a baby’s bottle. I should have got mad. I should have at least screwed the top off. But I just replaced my pacifier with it.

Finally, the men went and I could hear the show in peace and quiet. My Mum said I could come now and see what the men did. I struggled into my room. Mum said if it was hard walking, I could crawl. I got on my hands and knees and crawled in. I couldn’t believe it; she changed my room into a girl’s nursery. There were a crib and changing table. All my sisters’ clothes were replaced by small girl clothes that only toddlers would wear. The whole room was pink and white, with cute animals on the wall dancing on a rainbow, behind the crib was a drawing of the care bears. I smiled. I liked that. But a crib? Mom picked me up and asked why I was not protesting. She said that it seemed like I didn’t care anymore. She said that was I had to get used to now. I was starting life again and this time I would be happy. I just sucked my pacifier.

The next few weeks, I was being treated like a baby. It was a slow process. But as every day went, I was acting more and more like a baby. Mum was also giving me some potion that the Chinese man gave her. After a few weeks I would wake up, and then cry until someone got me out of the crib. Then I would get my diaper changed and some short toddler dress on. I loved when I got tights on. They felt so nice against my skin. Then I would be put in a high chair and given some food. After that, I would play in the playpen or see a toddler program. The pacifier never left my mouth, unless there was a bottle of juice or milk. I loved when Mum put me in the stroller and took me around town or the park. It was so fun to play on the swings. I didn’t even mind when the bigger boys laughed at me. At night time, I would put on a nightdress and sleep in my crib.

At the end of summer, I was a baby girl now for a few months. I no longer remembered the Chinese man or anything that I did before. If you told me that I was 11, I would laugh. If you told me that I once had a boy’s body, I would have laughed. I was a girl! I was also excited because I was about to start at Miss Mandy’s nursery the next day. There was another boy called Jack there and a girl. Mum said they were a bit slow in the head. I did not care

The night before, I went to the new nursery. We were being babysat. This pretty girl came in and she looked a bit shocked. Mum went and she played some games with us. Her name was Sabrina and she was very nice. She told me she forgave me and asked what has happened to me. I just smiled as I did not have a clue what she was talking about. In the end, Mum came home and told us that she would babysit us again.

The next day, I started at the new nursery. It was great fun. I liked the other children and I loved every part of it, especially when Miss Mandy read us a story. We took a nap. When I opened my eyes, I could see Sabrina; she was there with a woman. The woman was the principal of Sabrina’s school. Sabrina sat me up and showed me a picture, “I need you to listen.” She started as she showed me a picture of a boy swimming in a lake, “I forgive you. When I found out you were a girl, I was confused, because I was in love with you. I knew I was not a lesbian. I tried to forget you, but could not, because there was a hole in my heart. Then when I babysat you, I knew there was a problem. You are now like a baby girl. I went home and cried while looking through my old pictures. I found this one. It is your swimming last year. Look at it! You are wearing Speedos. You can also see the tent in them that proves that you were a boy. Something strange has happened.”

The Principal looked at Sabrina, “Sabrina, that is enough, I told you that she has started here because she has experienced a mental problem, where she considers herself a baby. Something has happened to her so she is regressed. Miss Mandy will help her. I promised to follow you here to show you that she is being taken care of. That picture is someone that looks like her. If you see the school record that I have taken with me, you can see that it says right here that she is a ….. Wait….. What?.... I can’t believe it…. It says here that she is a boy!”

The end

Let’s start at the beginning. The first three years is the most important in any person’s life. It is here where the foundation of your personality is built and this will follow you for the rest of your life.

My mother and Dad were Irish. They lived in the USA when I came to this world. I have three brothers. I am the second oldest. I have also been the black sheep of the family and you will soon find out why

My older brother was born. Of course my parents were glad that he was a boy. It wasn’t long after that my mother was pregnant with me.

Years later, she told me that she wanted a girl. As a devout catholic she prayed every night that I would be a girl. She was confident that her prayers were heard. She convinced my father that the nursery should be a princess one, and the best one her daughter could have. Baby clothes and everything were girls. I doubt I had any idea when I was swimming in the womb as to what she was praying and preparing.

My fate was destined. But Mothers can change the fate.

I came into this life as a boy. It wasn’t my fault, and as a baby I doubt I really knew what I was. I didn’t know at that time, but my mother went through a depression. She seen I was a boy and she felt that life has failed her. I was meant to be a girl. What happened? Why did God abandon her? I feel sorry for my mother, which set her hopes up and was disappointed and depressed when I came out. It must be hard for her to experience a depression and feel disappointed that I was a boy, not a girl. She must have thought about the nursery and girl clothes. What a waste of money. What a waste of hope.

Life goes on, and after some time, my mother realized that she loved me and will always love me. Decades after, with all the sins I have done. This is very true. My mother’s love has never disappeared, no matter what I have done and how much society hates me.

Years later, she told me when she found her strength; she held me in her arms and said, “You will always be my princess.” This was the start of an identity crises, a nickname that would follow me through my life and me not being a boy or a girl. It was here, years later that she told me this that she tried to apologize for what she done when I was a child. My answer was simple. She gave me love and if I didn’t like her treatment, I would have protested. She gave me something that many children do not experience, and unconditional love. Now I am getting ahead of myself. We better screw time back again, so you know what she did.

She must have decided that I was her little girl, and the large “Clit” I had was just a mess-up from nature’s side. Looking back, I wonder why people didn’t put a strait jacket on her and thrown her into a padded room. Thank God she didn’t.

She took her princess home. My Dad said nothing about the girl’s baby clothes and the nursery. He loves my mother so high and the only thing I can think of is that he turned a blind eye. To be honest, I never asked him about it. We do not have the best relationship and our talks are about the weather and other irrelevant things

So I was bought home and treated like a princess. Of course I did not know that I was. According to my mother, I was an easy baby. I slept and ate. That was my life. Being a baby I did not care if I had pink clothes or blue clothes.

As I grew, there was no need for the girl clothes. This didn’t mean that I wore Boys clothes. I had unisex clothes, which had the hint of being both for boys and girls. There could be pictures of flowers or princesses. My favourite was trousers that had butterflies on them. I also had some skirts and dresses, that I could dress up at home or when we were far away from home. I loved when we were at a supermarket and I had these pretty dresses on. My hair was always down to my shoulder. My mother thought that boys could have long hair as well. My brothers had short hair. Looking back at pictures of me as a child, I did really look like a girl.

My bedroom was the best in the world. I had boy toys as well as girl toys. I loved a dollhouse that I had and could spend hours playing with this and some Barbie’s I had. I do not think I ever played with the guns and rifles.

I had a few friends when I was this age. I am talking about before I started in school. They all called me princess. This was a happy time of my life. I had one good friend, and for the life of me, I can’t remember his name. I know that boys hated girls at that stage. But both accepted me, as I was weird. I looked like a girl and yet was a boy. I wonder today what other children actually thought. Did they really care what clothes I had on, or how my hair looked? I suppose as long as I was fun then they were fine with it.

Even though Friends were fine with me, adults were not.

“Don’t you think his shorts look like a skirt?”

“Why do you put your boy in that t-shirt? My daughter has the same.”

“Why do you call him princess? He will get confused who he really is”

“Don’t you think that you should cut his hair?”

My mother just shrugged them off with the excuse that I liked the clothes, and I liked the hair and I liked the toys, which was true. I know I had what we now call a gender identity problem. The question is, was I born with it, or was it because of my mother? I remember once saying to these nosey women in a loud voice, “I am a princess”. As old as I am now, this is a strong memory. I felt like I was a girl, and had a boy’s body. I was convinced because my cock was so small compared to others that were just a mistake. My pussy was closed. None the less that these women were shocked by my outburst and my mother was both embarrassed and proud.

Not all adults were so mean. Some called me princess and told me how beautiful I was. They complimented my hair and clothes. Some even said, "you are a good girl.” which made me smile.

As for my Dad, he hardly spoke with me and spent most of the time with my brothers that were 100% boys.

We have all seen pictures of boys below the age of five dressing up as girls. They either are doing it because they think its fun or because they have transgender identity problems. As adults, we usually smile, even the most conservative adult. However when a boy grows up, this innocent practice is expected to stop. Society’s morals and traditions put a stop to this. Boys are boys, girls are girls. We do not like people that are different. I was about to find this out when I started school.

I started at school when I was about five. I remember the first day. When I was closing the door, my finger got stuck in the door. Mother took me in the school and sat me down with ice around my finger. The teacher must have been confused when my mother kept calling me princess. I do not remember what clothes I was wearing, but you can be sure that I had some clothes boys would not wear and that there were hints of girl in them. I do remember that I wore tights. I always wore tights, and I wore diapers. This irritated my mother, but I loved wetting myself and she punished me by putting me in diapers. This is something that I did not like. But I quickly accepted it and didn't think about it.

The boys never accepted me as one of them when I started school. Everyone called me princess and some called me sissy or baby because I wore diapers. The boys used to laugh at me and especially my hair that was now long and brown. If you remember Zack Hanson when he was a child, my hair looked like his. My mother never did it in pigtails, but she would put the hair in many braids, like some Africans or reggae star. This could be acceptable as a boy, but it made me look more and more like a girl.

I didn’t mind the teasing from the boys. I just played with the girls. This trend would last all my childhood. It was fun playing with them. Especially house (where I was always the baby) and with dolls. The girls didn’t consider me a sissy. They did call me princess, or changed my name to Stephanie, even though the teacher said to call me by my right name.

It was also at this stage that I started sitting down when I peed. In my head, I was more and more a girl every day. It really had nothing to do with my mother now. It was how I felt.

It was also at this stage, that I became interested in sex. I remember that I had a friend home. His name was Eddie. He was a bit darker in skin than me. I thought that he was a good friend. One day we were playing super heroes. I loved playing this as a child. He was superman and I was superwoman. I had her costume that I used for Halloween and he loaned one of my brother’s costumes. I remember when he seen my penis and said it was very small; maybe I was really a girl. I got embarrassed and told him not to look. We played all afternoon and at one stage, Superman was supposed to kiss superwoman. It was not a French kiss or anything sexual. I really didn’t know why kissing was so cool at that age. But it was part of the game. Just as he kissed me on the lips, Dad and Eddie’s mother came in. Here they both seen two boys kissing and one boy dressed as wonder woman. Neither Eddie nor I knew what gay was. Still I got spanked and was told that Eddie was no longer allowed to play with a sissy. That meant me. He never spoke with me again.

I lost a friend and learned that parents can be so cruel. I never did forgive my father for this. He never complained that I played with girl’s things and had “unisex” clothes on, or wore diapers and tights. But kissing a boy was too much for him. Did he spank me out of love or embarrassment or because I was a hopeless case, not like my brothers that were good at sports and things like that?

Then it was time to go to a primary school. It was a private school in the USA. I did quite well in school. The nickname followed me and I still looked like a girl. I was teased because I had to wear diapers. This meant I was always a baby in games. Not only baby, but baby sister. I liked these times. I never said no to it.

Years later when I had child psychology, I learnt that there are status roles when children play role games like this. The baby is supposed to be the lowest. I didn’t know that when I was 7, so I was happy with the role. I got a lot of attention, from getting changed. Girls wanted to see if my nappy was wet and being innocent, I let them. They also played brushing my hair, which was down to my shoulders. They would brush it and brush it and put all girly hair things in it. Of course I was teased and called sissy and princess, but I liked the attention. It didn’t bother me that they thought I was weird because I wet myself and that I wore tights and looked like a girl.

One thing that did bother me was the teacher. She was a woman and I really liked her. I know she liked my brothers and thought they were normal and polite and all that. But I was sure that she hated me. She would get mad at the girls for fixing my hair. She would give a speech that this was not for boys. She also asked when my mother would give me a haircut. I remember once she tried to embarrass me by saying everyone could see my tights and to pull my trousers up. I was embarrassed and tears started to come out of my eyes. She then asked the whole class, “Do you think a princess should cry?” I saw the smile on her face and knew that she hated me.

Many boys were told not to play with me. I still played with the girls and didn’t think much about it. Their parents must have thought that I was totally weird. They probably thought that I would contaminate their children. There was one boy that I played with. His name was Andrew. We used to do a lot together, especially when we were outside. I remember once that he visited me. He was surprised that there were a few skirts and dresses in my wardrobe. I admitted that sometimes that I wore them. I also confessed that I thought I was a girl. I liked girl’s toys. I liked girl’s clothes. I liked girl’s games. I like girls everything. I said that God made a mistake and forgot to open my “slit”. He was confused but said that everyone thought I was girlish, why else would they call me princess.

It was at this stage, that I was becoming aware on how harsh people could be and the power of hate. My teacher was an example. Andrew promised not to tell anyone what he seen. He also added that he considered me as a girl. But I was a special girl. I was a girl that he could like and play with. Looking back, it was not me that had courage. It was Andrew. He was not afraid to be seen with me and be my friend. Maybe it is the innocence as a child. Maybe it is because some children do not judge, but adapt and accept things. But he had courage. When I was confirmed as a catholic years later, I had to pick a name. I picked his name. This way he would always be a part of me.

Things developed between Andrew and me. We were about 8 when this happened. We were in the playground sitting and eating our lunch. He asked me what I thought about kissing. This was a strange question. I told him that I kissed Jennifer, who was my age and lived a few houses away. Andrew was surprised. Can a girl kiss a girl? I was both surprised by this and confused. I explained that it was her idea. My mother caught us and I had to read Huckleberry Finn as a punishment.

Andrew then asked me a question that would be the next important step in my life. “Do you think I am cute that you would kiss me?”

Without thinking, I leaned forward and gave him a peck on the lips. It was a peck that would last a few minutes. It was not a French kiss or anything like that; it was a puppy love kiss. When I pulled back, I could see that he was in a daze. His only words were, “I love you and always will”

Our new found love was cut short. Our teacher had seen us. Of course it was my fault. She sent me in the classroom and I was not allowed to go out in the playground for a week. I remember crying at the nurse’s office when I was getting changed and complaining that it was not fair. The nurse just said that boys should not kiss boys, and at the same time, maybe it would help me to wear boy diapers, so other boys would not think I am a sissy or what’s worse, a girl. “From what I hear, many boys think that you are a girl. You cannot run from who you really are and what’s between your legs. If you do it will always give you problems”

That summer we went to Ireland on a trip. Once again I was to experience that some people hated me and some people adored me. I had the looks as a girl and I had the charm. I was different by now because I wet. Mt grandmother adored me and she always called me a girl. Even my grandfather used to take me on his lap and tell me loads of stories. He loved the fact that while my other brothers wanted to play sports that I would listen to him.

On my father’s side of the family, it was different. They hardly spoke to me. My Grandmother used to tease me because I wet myself and liked plucking flowers. That happened when I plucked flowers for her. Her only response was that there was no hope for me. That was the last time I picked flowers for her.

My father’s brother, my uncle stole my childhood. We were out driving one day and he was saying how pretty I was. I was used to people saying this, so it really did not affect me. He liked the girlish t-shirt I had on and the shorts, which were so baggy that they looked like a skirt. I asked some questions about the car and then he let me sit on his lap. While I was driving the car zigzag over some field, he was feeling my flat breasts and after a while found out that I really had a pussy. His finger fitted in it. I was confused. Was the same hole that I used for other things really a girl’s hole too? It hurt when his finger played there, but I was more confused if it was really a girl’s hole. How stupid could I be?

A few days later, I was wearing a denim overall. You know with straps over the shoulder. I had no t-shirt under and the overall had Tinkerbell on its stomach. My uncle was in the farmyard and I was playing with the dogs. He said that I should wear a t-shirt; otherwise he could see my boobs. I laughed and said they were not big. Then he went a step further and showed me his penis, which was very big. He then dared me to see if I was really a princess. Yes, you guessed. After coaxing me, I gave him a blowjob. I was once again confused and didn’t know what was happening. Is this what girls do? He told me to swallow, because it was good for my skin. I didn’t like the taste or that it nearly choked me to death. Looking back, I am sure you will all agree he took advantage of my gender identity crises. He abused me. He confused any boy left in me, and showed me what a girl should do. I believed it, but did not understand why it had to be such a secret. With one step, he has changed my life forever. He had manipulated me and made me more of a slut than a girl.

At the same time, I am partly to blame. I accepted his abuse. I did like sucking. I didn’t like swallowing. It proved that part of me if not all of me was girl. I was now a true princess and I have proven it. I would give my mouth to him and let him play with my bum. I remember once when he was doing this, I thought about other girls and if they did the same. I thought they did.

He taught me how to pleasure his dogs when he was not there. Girls love dogs, he would say. “And you want the dogs to be very happy”. He convinced me that my mouth was also to make dogs happy. He called me bitch at times and that made me feel funny in my stomach. I liked when he called me names and dominated me. “Maybe you were not meant to be a boy or girl, maybe you were meant to be a girl dog,” he would say.

I was now one of the statistics of the 10-20% of children that were sexually abused. I was also one of the children that kept it a secret, because I was confused and afraid.

We went back to the USA. I had a boyfriend at this stage. Andrew and I were very close to each other and enjoyed each other’s company. There was nothing sexual in our relationship. We acted like normal children that loved each other. He would hold my hand, or push me on the swings, or the puppy love kiss. I quickly forgot about my uncle and was once again happy.

When we shopped for clothes, my mother picked my brothers clothes. I was now 9 and I was becoming better at not wetting during the daytime. When we picked clothes for me, my mother usually tried to show me some boy’s clothes. Asking if I thought they were nice. No doubt she knew that I was being teased. She knew that I considered myself a princess. Even though she didn’t stop calling me that name, she wanted the best for me. I was getting so old that I should be a bit more boyish. I rebelled. I did not want my hair to be cut. I looked at dresses and girls clothes and used my charm to get my mother to get them. I continued with tights and now wore panties. It may have been something that my mother started, but I was happy whom I was. I didn’t mind being teased. I liked the attention

My dad said nothing. Neither did he talk with me.

One day, my parents told me that we were moving to Ireland. I was so sad. Why couldn’t Andrew move with us? How would I live without him? What was there in Ireland? My uncle! Would I have to pleasure him and the dogs? How I missed the dogs, but not him. I kept all this bottled up inside me and said to my parents that I was looking forward to moving to Ireland. There I had my grandmother and Grandfather, my mother’s parents.

I was nearly 10 when we moved. It was a culture shock. In one way I was happy. I left behind all the teachers that hated me. I could start in a fresh start. Schools were either boy’s schools or girl’s schools they were not mixed. I remember my first day at school. There was no uniform so I was wearing some jeans with bell bottoms and some bears on the pockets. I had a top on with some glitter. We were not many in the class. I remember someone asked me, “Should you not be in the girl’s school?” I didn’t answer.

It was hard at the start. My classmates heard my brothers call me princess and this meant that the nickname continued.

Even though I tried to wear more boyish clothes at PE when we had to change, they all noticed the tights or I remember once I wore panties but with a bow on it. This made sure everyone knew what I was. Once a friend to be, Tim said, “You Americans are all weird. You are a sissy” Everyone knew I was a sissy.

I could not excuse it saying that it was American fashion. They also noticed that when we were taking showers, I showed them my butt and hid my penis. That was far smaller than theirs. Some bigger lads even noticed that I looked at theirs. They would feel my butt and ask if I was a faggot. I was silent. I didn’t even know what this meant.

The teachers were nice, although they could also embarrass me. Once a woman teacher who was patrolling the schoolyard came up to me and said my hair was down to my shoulders, and should be cut because I could be mistaken as a girl. I said no I liked my hair. Then she stroked it and noticed how soft it was and wished her daughters had hair like mine.

But after a bit, despite I was weird in everyone’s eyes, I was accepted. The principle that was very understanding told me once, “Its Ok to be different. God likes different people, just look at the saints. Remember that there are people that will want to take advantage of you because of who you really are. This would be sad.” How I should have listened to him, but I really did not understand his warning at that stage

I had many friends. They would never be seen dead in the same type of clothes I had, but they accepted me for who I was. This was a happy time in my life.

We lived several hours away from my uncle. So I did not see him that often. His abuse stopped when he got married.

When I was 11, I started in secondary school. Now we wore uniforms. Other children from the district came to the school. I wore tights and panties and tops, but the uniform saved a lot of problems. I refused to get my hair cut. There was another boy in the class that had long hair. He was from Holland. I had a secret crush on him.

At this stage, something happened in my body that should not have happened. My breasts were like small eggs sticking out. I was overjoyed because this just proved that my body should have been a girl’s body. At the same time, I was deeply embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to know. Only my mother knew, the doctor said it was probably an imbalance with hormones, that I had too many girl ones and few boy ones. I knew the truth. God has made a mistake.

My life had some embarrassing moments at this stage. It also had its good sides. On the whole, I was very happy and felt that life was good for me. One embarrassing moment was when I was on a scout camp. We hiked for miles and had to sleep under some bridge. One of the mothers was there, and she said after we had our campfire that it was time that I was changed. All the other boys were confused. I went to a corner and laid down while she put a diaper on me. I still wet the bed. Then she helped me put my nightshirt on, that was white and lacey and had snow white on. I sat back at the campfire. The other boys just stared. They said things like you look cute princess and is that the nightclothes you wear in the USA, only girls wear them here. I got a bit careless and my legs were spread. They saw the diapers, it confirmed what they thought. I was now known as a baby.

My life took another major step when I was 11. This is where my childhood definitely stopped and I became something that will bring tears to many eyes. It was the weekend. I was walking through the park with Tim. I had tank tube on and jeans that had lace sewn at the bottom and around the pockets. They were my favourite jeans. Then this man in a fine suit came and sat beside us. He looked at Tim,

“What is your name, and is this your sister?” he asked

“He is not my sister, he is my friend. He is a boy,” Tim answered laughing

“Oh, I thought you were a girl. I am sorry. You both are very cute. I take pictures for magazines, and would like you two to be models. The thing is if you tell your parents, they will have to give permission, and I doubt they will. Then you lose the chance to try all these cool clothes and be a model that will give you lots of money. If you want to do this, meet me here next week.”

He continued trying to convince us to be models and then it would be fun.

Tim and I talked about it. I could not get it out of my head that he thought I was pretty, and I could be a model. The glamour was what attracted me and also the problem that I could not say no. Tim decided straight away that he would not do it. He thought the man was strange. I said he looked nice. He even had a suit on. But Tim would not listen. I decided that I would meet him alone and Tim promised that it would be our secret.

I met the man the following week. His name was Kevin, which was the same name as my brother. He was happy to see me and said that we could go to his studio, which was in a town that was 7 km away. We drove there. My heart was pumping fast and I remember counting the electric posts along the road. Once in a while I was looking to see if I could see my Dads truck. Then I would be in trouble. When we got to his house, his studio was in the basement. It was well lighten but there were no windows. He said that we should start straight away. He said that pictures of me with a dress on would be pretty. I said OK. I said yes to everything he wanted. I sat down on this bed in a pretty white dress holding a teddy bear. He kept on taking pictures. He told me to play with the teddy bear and I pretended to play with the bear. Soon I forgot that there were pictures being taken of me. It was when I kissed the bear. Then He told me to hide the bear up my dress, but raise the dress a bit so he could see my panties and the bear looking at them. I thought this was strange, but did it. At the end he took some pictures of me flashing my panties. I was embarrassed as hell, but he said no one would see this. He lied. Decades someone showed a picture of me on msn, and asked was it me when I was a child? I was mad and shocked and had an anxiety attack. I told him no. However, it was me wearing a white dress and holding a teddy bear. If this picture was scanned in the net, what other pictures were? Is someone still making money from them? Now I am getting ahead of myself again.

I now had two lives. One as a model that was top secret, and one as myself. I hated the secrecy and double life. I was growing fast now. I was still naïve in realizing what was really happening. I was like a bimbo in thinking that people like Kevin cared about me, or that I would be a famous model.

One day in school. A classmate came up to me. His name was Paul. I never considered him as a friend. His family was poor. I was on the way in the classroom where he stood there. I was one of the smallest in the class, but he was just a small bit taller than me. He put his arms around me and kissed me. This was my first French kissed and I do not know how long it was. I did not even notice that the others in the class were looking. I let him kiss me and kissed him back. When he was finished, he whispered. “I love you princess. You are the prettiest sissy I know.” I smiled, despite everyone laughing and calling me gay and faggot. Someone fancied me since I knew Andrew; this was all that mattered to me.

I continued being a model. The pictures developed the way he wanted them to develop. Once we were down at a beach. It was quite cold and windy, but the sun was still shining. Kevin was taking pictures of me prancing through the sand with a diaper on. This was embarrassing as he was taking pictures of my breasts and diaper. I remember an old couple passed where I was playing. They just said that I should be ashamed of myself and grow up. Then he had me playing in the water. I remember that the water was cold. He kept on complimenting me and saying how pretty I was. On my way home, I thought who would want pictures like these, as I never seen pictures like them anywhere. Being myself, I quickly got the thought out of my mind when he gave me a present, Perfume.

As I said, I was living a double life. I was the innocent “sissy” at school and I was a model that only Tim knew about.

Paul kissed me a lot. One day his arms went up my shirt. I tried to stop him, but the feelings inside were too much and I wanted to please him. He found my eggy breasts and was shocked. He shouted that I was a girl. Then it was like he went crazy and kissed me deeply while feeling the “eggs”. Was he in love or was it lust or was it just because I was different? I liked the attention. Like Andrew, Paul knew deep down who I thought I was, and he thought the same himself.

Kevin continued taking pictures of me. The difference was that they were quickly becoming more erotic. I had less and less clothes on and ended up being naked.

One day he bought a man that I never seen in studio. Kevin knew everything about me, including my uncle. So he said to pretend this man was my uncle. I looked at him in shock. Did he want me to be rude and to have pictures taken of me being rude? Models did not take these sorts of pictures! The strange man praised me and asked was I proud of my eggs, and did they feel funny when he touched them? While we were saying this, pictures were being taken. At the end I did what was expected of me. I pleasured the man with my mouth. He squirted all over my face. While this was happening I was looking at a spider web on the ceiling, thinking how beautiful it was. I told you before that I liked sucking. But I realized that pictures were being taken, and when his white stuff was all over my face, I heard Kevin say that this would be a priceless picture.

These pictures continued. I know today that I was a child porno star. I did not know at the time. I was too naïve to know. Or I had chosen not to think about it. I now was sucking more than most adults would dream about. Pictures were taken with me with men and dogs. My mind switched off when I was doing this. I think now that I got myself so deep in, that I could not get out. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know who to talk to, or who would help me

If you are about to shed tears out of sympathy, keep them back. It was in a way my own fault. Things became worse. It didn’t take much for him to persuade me. He rented me out. While other 11 year olds are playing football, and cycling. My mouth was doing something that most 11 year olds don’t even know about. He told me I was different. God made me a princess sissy with a small penis and eggys to pleasure men. My life was leading towards this. Men would love me because I was a girl, and yet not a girl. He finished his argument by saying that I liked sucking.

This bought me to the darker side of life. I started pleasuring many men. Some experiences I still get flashed backs about, some that were forgotten. I was now a whore. No longer a child. Not yet an adult.

I was happy at school. This is where I could really be myself. It is where I had friends. Some which fancied me. Most important, I could feel normal. Be interested in clothes and the like, and be myself. It was hard keeping a secret about the model life, but I was good at forgetting that until the time came. Some boys teased me. But I loved being teased. I loved the attention. The break at school and being an ordinary child probably stopped me from going insane.

The model career developed and became what many would call dark. Just before I was 12, I was no longer a virgin. Another man was in the photo shot and he took my virginity. I remember that it hurt like hell. But I did not say no. I didn’t even question it. I just let him do it. Kevin was happy; he said a picture of a sissy boy crying while he was being deflowered was priceless. How pretty I looked with tears. Years later, I thought that it was on this day that I lost not only my virginity, but also my soul.

The whore boy had more men when he learned how to be a full sissy. What I remember here and enjoyed is when I went to the man’s house. I usually had a very childish dress with tights and what not. I loved being in public as a girl and felt like I was now allowed to be me. The price was that I would have to be a slut for some man. It would start with him praising and complimenting, then slowly kissing and you can guess the rest. In time, I even enjoyed sex- convincing myself that this proved that I was a girl.

I was in a dark world, which one reads about in Eastern Europe nowadays. I did not know how to get out. Ireland was a very religious country, very Catholic. I was religious, but at the same time involved in something that would send me straight to hell. My mother and Dad turned a blind eye. They must have noticed it. Once my mother asked why there was £600 in my bank account. I said summer jobs. Her answer was, “You are a good princess.” How could she not notice? How could she be so blind? Years later, I confronted my parents about my experienced, leaving out the bit about my uncle. My dad’s answer was that I tried to convince everyone that I was a girl. My mother said never to mention it again, think what I was doing to her.

Things changed when I was 13. I decided to save the world. I was going to be a priest. I was going to bring the love of Jesus to everyone. The priests told me that I had to go to a boarding school. Here I could see their work and when it was time, I could join them. I was 13 when I decided to start at the boarding school. I became serious about this. My clothes were toned down, not a lot, but not as sissy as what I did wear until now. To my mother’s shock, I also got my haircut. It was still long; it was close to the hairstyle that Cole and Dylan spouse had. I was serious about being a priest. I didn’t want to give up my identity, but I wanted to be accepted. Years later, I can see that my charm and the fact that I was different was enough that I would be accepted by many.

I started at boarding school, and everyone quickly found out my nickname. I was once again called princess. Everyone noticed I was very feminine. The hair should have been shorter, plus the tights and night dresses. I loved chains, Necklaces and armbands. Everyone knew I was a sissy, and they could see my “eggs” during gym when we showered or if I wore tight tops. I quickly got a reputation for being a princess, and everyone knew that I was a bed wetter. Sometimes they would come in my cubicle at nighttime to see my nightdress or to lift it up and see the diaper. Everyone thought I was gay, and a whisper of he is a faggot and half girl filled the school.

This meant that I had very little friends during the day. But at nighttime I had quite a lot of friends. Some older boy would come in and sit down and talk about things while he felt my “eggs”. When they knew me better they would give me a massage where he would finger my pussy and I pleased them by saying how much I liked it. I thought they were friends. Even though I was often tired, I let them use all my holes. Everyone in the school knew I was a slut. I didn’t disappoint them. Of course they gave me presents for my services

On weekends when I came home. I would continue as the whore boy. My teenage years were full of pleasing others.

At school, there was one priest called father Patrick. Now I know he was a pedophile. He used to help me with the diaper. But he never did anything except twist my “eggs”. Of all the abuse I presented myself to, and accepted. He was the worse abuser. I was waiting for something to happen, and it never happened. If it happened, it would have been over with. But it never did.

I remember that every time I took a shower, he was there. Once this boy was standing close to me. I turned my back because I didn’t want him to see how small my dick was. He pressed against me and I could feel his penis between my ass cheeks. I turned red, because I could see Father Patrick looking.

Epilogue

I tried joining the priesthood. But I was also abused there. Amazing how many gay priests there are. My puberty was very late. I still had no hair when I was 14. I was small and this made life difficult in some ways.

I gave up the priesthood and worked in England with handicapped people. I was now a man. I left behind all the girl things and persuaded myself that I had to grow up. I think now I did this to forget being a whore boy.

I got married and have two children. They know nothing about my past and I doubt I will ever tell them. They were never abused

I became a teacher, and the happiest day in my life was when I passed the exams. Besides my wedding day and when my children were born.

I was also a scout leader

Like most of my life, there was a good side and bad side. I turned my back on the previous identity I had. Once I thought I was a girl. Now I was to convince the world I was a man. I tried suicide at least 2-3 times every year. I never told anyone.

As a teacher, I taught Kindergarten, I never abused children here. In fact I told them over and over; do not keep secrets from your parents. I had a dark side and a light side

I would be on the computer looking for pictures of children. Years after I think was I trying to find pictures of myself. It was like a movie. I would be standing beside my body watching me search the net for pictures.

Then one day I was arrested for downloading pictures. I didn’t pay for them, I didn’t know the children. I was now officially a pedophile. Just like my uncle. I hated myself. I ate rat poison. I survived. I ate 50 tablets. I survived. I cut my wrists. My wife put me in a mental institution.

Here I was locked up. Everyone will think I was a pedophile. My wife wanted a divorce. I told my mother in law small bits about my childhood ten years earlier and everything came forth, everyone knew I was abused. I couldn’t take it. I hopped 10 meters down. I must admit I am bad at suicide. I survived.

Now they tell me I have personality problems, I have dissociation amnesia and I suffer from Agoraphobia and severe anxiety attacks.

I do not feel sorry for myself. I no longer am mad at myself. The charm is still there that convinces people I am not as bad as I really am. I exist. Maybe one day I will make a comeback. Maybe one day I will forgive myself. With hope, you have a future

Changing room

My name is Zack, and I had quite a normal life. I had many friends at school and even got good grades. Mum and Dad still lived together, and that means that I was from a stable home. I am 12 years old, and I am looking forward to my birthday when I become a teenager. Then I can decide more. Then what is the problem? Why this story?

The thing is I was a horrible brother. I would hide my sister’s toys. Once I even shaved her Barbie’s hair. I would always call her names and tease her because she had so many teddy bears and dolls. She loved to draw and hold tea parties. That was also teased. It wasn’t my fault that I had a 9-year-old sister. It was my duty as an older brother to tease her. I thought I was a normal boy. I liked playing football (or as the Americans call it- soccer). I liked jeans and t-shirts and boxer underwear. As I said I was a normal boy.

This story starts one day when I going to football practice. I know that many think that football is boring. They think there are not enough goals, and the ball just goes back and forth, back and forth. I think it’s the greatest game on earth. I go to practice every week and played football with my friends at home. You need the skill to get the ball from another player. Then you need the skill to keep the ball. Then you need the skill to shoot the ball. All in all, you need skill in many things as well as concentration and the wish to win. We play it on the football field outside the gym. The girls were inside the gym doing gymnastics. It looked so funny. They would do funny jumps and stand on hands and things like that. I used to glance at them on my way out to football. I was lucky. I was playing a game that I liked.

My friend Alex and I came to the changing rooms early. We decided to play a trick on the girls. The question was what? What would really be funny? We could see that they started their gymnastics, so we decided to sneak in their changing room. Then I got an idea. We could hide their clothes. We put the clothes in a big bag and dragged the now heavy bag to the janitor’s room. This was so funny. When the girls were finished with their gymnastics they couldn’t find their clothes, so they would be going home in their leotards.

After football, we came to the gym and went towards our changing room. The girls were in a panic. Alex and I watched, as girls were looking everywhere. Some girls were screaming and other girls were mad. Some were crying and others just sat and hoped that their missing clothes will jump out of the floor.

I could see some parents and my mum talking with the coach. It’s as if they guessed that it was Alex and I that hid the clothes. Besides the fact that we were guilty, it was a bit bad that we always got the blame. I suppose that’s because we actually played quite a few tricks on the girls. I could see our coach as he tried to calm them down. He was pointing his finger and my face was getting red. Mum had her head lowered. I knew what this meant. It meant I would get it when I came home.

“Zack, why do you always have to get in trouble?”

“What do you mean?”

“No matter where I take you, you are annoying someone or playing a trick on someone. Like did you really have to hide the girl’s clothes today?”

“We were just bored and waiting for football. They found their clothes, didn’t they?”

“That makes no difference. They found their clothes after a lot of frustration and tears.”

“It was a bit funny, you must admit that?”

“I will not admit that. I am tired of hearing what your latest teasing and trick is. The coach said he will deal with you next week, and I have given him permission to do what is necessary”

That week went very slow. Mum was mad at me. Dad didn’t say anything as usual. He just went to work. I never saw Mum so mad. When I tried to use my charm on her, she just said that the coach would take care of everything. She must have said this about a thousand times. It was obvious that she has given up and it was now up to the coach to sort me out. What could he do? He would just get mad and forget it after a while. Girls are funny when they get teased and I was not finished teasing them in my life yet.

The week did go by, and it was time for football again. Mum smiled as she drove me to practice. She was still going on about the coach will sort me out, and she was ready for anything. I just smiled. I could handle the coach. It was simply a case of putting my puppy smile on and saying I’m sorry.

Alex was waiting at the door. We walked into the gym together. We could hear the voices of girls that were getting changed for their gymnastics. Some were coming out to warm up. Surprisingly, they all smiled at us. This was a bit strange. They should have been mad at us. The coach stopped us in our tracks. He said because of last week, we would get our own changing room. He led us down a long hall and unlocked the door to a small room. He pointed in and said that we should go in and start getting changed. He smiled and said that we were so far away from the action, that we would behave, as “little boys” should.

We went in the little room. Some girls forgot their leotards. Alex started feeling them. He was surprised at how soft they were. I told him that he was now being weird as he was feeling girl’s clothes. The little room was strange, As soon as I entered the room, my eyelids felt heavy. After a few minutes, it was as if I didn’t sleep for a year. I asked Alex if he was the same. He said he was so tired. Then I had an idea. There was still a half an hour to football started; we could just sleep for a bit. After a few minutes, we were asleep,

(Time goes by)

When we awoke, we were in shock. I had a pink leotard on me. It really clung to the skin. I looked at Alex and laughed because he had a white and pink leotard on. He told me that it was about time that I woke up. I was a bit madder than he was. I asked who changed our clothes. Why did we have girl clothes on? Alex really didn’t care. He thought the clothes were pretty and nice to have on. Then he informed me that my hair has grown. It was in a ponytail. I looked at him and he was the same. In fact, he looked like a girl. How long were we asleep for? I looked around for the football clothes, but I couldn’t find them anywhere. The girls have played the same trick as us. Is this what the coach had planned? We had several problems.

We were sitting and wearing Leotards!

We could not find our football clothes!

We had girl’s hair!

And the worse is that Alex thought everything was so pretty. He didn’t care.

I said that it was time to find our football clothes. So we sneaked out of the changing room to find them. We checked in all the places that we would have hidden clothes, but could not find anything. Along the way, we met Jenny.

“Hi Girls, are you new here. You should come because gymnastics is started.”

“Girls? I am a …. Never mind. We are going to play football”

“Football is for boys”

“Yea” Alex added, “We should do gymnastics”

“No, we will play football” How dare she call us girls. I could show her a place between my legs that proved that I was still a boy.

Then we met the coach. He told us to rush out to the field and get warmed up for football practice. He also admitted that he liked our new clothes and said that it is the first time he seen leotards used in football.

“Come on girls, it’s time for practice”

Why was everyone calling us girls? Even when we went out to the field, everyone laughed so much that they were falling around.

Football practice went bad. It was like I couldn’t play football. I no longer cared that I was wearing, but I always wanted to be good at football. Alex was just prancing and jumping around the field as if he was in some gymnastics exhibition. When I kicked the ball, it either was long off course or too short. My playing overwhelmed Alex. He said that I run with such grace and I was just lovely to look at. I just looked at him as if he became insane. I didn’t care what I looked like. I wanted to kick the ball right.

At last, the coach stopped the practice. He called everyone together and pointed at Alex and me;

“I don’t mind girls playing football. But I do not want two girls prancing around the field as if it’s some ballet. Go in and play gymnastics”

“We are not girls,” I said. Everyone laughed at this. I suppose I would have laughed if I was them.

“Come on Zack, Let’s go in. Gymnastics is so fun”

Alex was weird after he had slept in the changing room.

We were kicked out of Football and had to start in gymnastics. The trainer told us to try to stand on our hands and hold our feet out. I lowered myself to the mattress and balanced myself on my hands. Then I spread my legs. The trainer was surprised. She even went as far as to say that I could be a natural talent at gymnastics, I smiled and the rest of gymnastics went well. I was surprised at how fun it was. You really had a challenge in how to control your body. I looked at how girls did gymnastics before, but I always thought it was easy. Now I knew that it too concentration and strength to do the exercises. I think I would enjoy gymnastics.

At the end of the class, we went into our small changing room. We couldn’t find our clothes. We found a t-shirt and some jeans with flowers on them. There were tights as well. Alex, of course, started putting the tights on. I reminded him that they were girl tights. He just said that they were pretty and they felt so nice on him. As there were no socks, I put the tights on. It was as if a fresh breeze hit my legs. They did feel nice, and the clothes were pretty. The flowers on the jeans were very pretty; I know I shouldn’t have thought that. But I had very strange thoughts while I was in the changing room.

Mum saw me when I came out and smiled. She was probably smiling at my clothes or smiling that I didn’t get into any trouble. My sis started laughing and called me a sissy. I smiled back and thought she was right, I did look like a sissy.

That week, I played a lot with my sister. We played with her teddy bears. We played house and we played with her dolls. I liked combing her dolls hair and trying to put different clothes on. It is not just playing when you dress a doll. It is also learning about style and which clothes suit each other. I must admit that it was also fun. I spent hours playing with dolls.

The telephone rang. It was Alex.

“Hi Zack, what are you doing?” I wasn’t going to tell him that I was playing with dolls.

“I’m just chilling. What are you doing?”

“I’m drawing pictures of rainbows and flowers and ladybugs”

“Is that fun?”

“Yes, and the pictures are so pretty. I am hanging them up in my room.”

“Wouldn’t it be more fun teasing your little brother?”

“No that would be so boring and teasing and playing tricks on others are only for bad boys. I’m not a bad boy”

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m in the middle of something.”

“You know, I can’t wait until gymnastics tomorrow and being with the other girls”

“Aren’t we going to play Football?”

“No. I am going to gymnastics.”

“Oh”

The next day, we came early to gymnastics. Mum said that the coach said to come early because we had something to do. Alex came just before I came. I was shocked because he had leggings on. You know the tight trousers that girls wear. I suppose I didn’t look better. It just hit me that I was wearing jeans with flowers on the pocket.

The coach told us to go in the same little changing room. He said we don’t cause trouble when we are in the little changing room. Once again we were in the small room. We saw that there were leotards hanging up. But that didn’t bother us. We quickly put on our leotard and sat on the bench. Suddenly we became so tired that we fell asleep in each other’s arms on the bench.

When we woke up, we looked at each other and laughed. Our leotards were too large for us, and hanging down on us. We also noticed that our hair was longer. The most surprising thing was that we were not as tall as we were before.

“What age are you?” I asked Alex

“I am 7. You know that I am”

I was confused. I thought I was 12 for a second. But Alex was right; I was only a 7-year-old girl.

We looked at the leotards that were hanging up. We rushed to put them on. Now we were ready for gymnastics

Alex and I were quite good at gymnastics. We won a few competitions. We, of course, had to change the team we were in, as we were too young to practice in the team with older girls. Football was suddenly boring. Our parents bought us lots of pretty clothes. I know they looked like girls clothes. But I didn’t care. I played like a girl, I thought like a girl. I was a girl in my heart.

The best was that mum and Dad were proud of me. They were proud that I was so good at gymnastics, and they were proud that I was a well-behaved girl.

Charmed

My family is famous in the world of magic. The Halliwell sisters were famous for defeating evil wizards and warlocks. My two aunts are Phoebe and Paige, and my mum is Piper. They were known as the charmed ones. They had the power of three, which made them very popular. When they found out they were witches, everyone tried to kill them, but as they became more famous, only the first class evil wizards and warlocks tried to kill the Halliwell sisters. My Mum was a cook and owned a nightclub. She was also the sensible sister. She lost also her temper once in a while, especially if someone was trying to hurt her children. You don’t know how many demons were after my big brother and me

My Dad’s name is Leo. He was a white lighter. In other words, he was sent by heaven to take care of the Charmed Ones. This was not all that easy, because the girls had a mind of their own. Actually, Dad wasn’t even allowed to marry Mum, because he was their white lighter. Their love history was long and hard, but they were allowed to be married at the end. Dad became an elder. That was like being God himself. He tried his best to see us as much as he could.
My older brother is Wyatt. He is 12. He knows a lot of magic and is destined to be the most powerful witch... Lots of evil wizards tried to get him. Wyatt knows this neat trick where he can be in a bubble when someone attacks him. No one could penetrate the bubble. He just could make faces and cast spells that destroyed the demons from inside the bubble. Wyatt was a good brother, but he was bossy sometimes.

This story or event in my life starts when I was 10 and Wyatt was 12. He was busy in magic school reading some old books. I was too lazy to read books. I would rather play with my friends. The magic school was safe from demons, but sometimes they found their way in.

One day, Wyatt so emerged in a book about the Banshee that he didn’t even notice that he had a visitor. It was Barbas, one of the most dangerous demons ever. Barbas could wave his palm in front of you and then figure out your worse fears. This was enough to make a person do something... If that didn’t work, Barbas would do something that will put the person in their feared situation, and this could end in death.

He waved his hand in front of Wyatt and said, “Oh you might be the most powerful witch ever seen, but you have one fear. You fear that a demon will recognize your brother and kill him. What a powerful fear! You must be thinking that if your brother has no power, that demons would not be interested. You are right. No demon would attack a boy who lost his powers. Chris will be safe. Now it’s up to you Wyatt, how will you protect your brother?”

Barbas disappeared; however, the fear was implanted in my brother’s head. A tear came to Wyatt’s eyes as he could imagine 4 or 5 demons casting demon balls of fire at me. He could see me burning in flames as I was powerless. Wyatt thought that even if I defeated them, then more and more powerful demons would come after me. Wyatt walked back and forth in the Library. He was getting more and more annoyed with himself at the thought that he could not always be there to protect me. He either had to take my powers away or make sure that the demons couldn’t find me. In a way, Barbas’ scheme was failing. Wyatt was starting to think of alternative ways of beating his fear. He started reading spells on how he could conquer the fear.

Wyatt called me into the Library at the magic school. He gave me a hug and told me that nobody would ever hurt his brother. He waved his hands and said

“Spirits of life protect my brother, make him another. Change his form, so no one knows who he is and where he comes from.”

The ceiling started going around in a whirl. The floor opened up and a light flowed up in the room. The light started to go around me, lifting me into the air. I could hear dogs barking and pains throughout my body. Wyatt was repeating the spell over and over. I was getting dizzy. When I landed on the floor, I could see that the Library was the same as it always was, with a few books that have fallen down.

I could see that Wyatt was tired. I tried asking him how he was, but I just barked. Then I noticed that I was standing on 4 legs. I looked around and could see my body. I was a dog. I was so mad that my brother turned me into a dog. I looked at Wyatt and he looked like he was crying. He just made a huge mistake.

“I am sorry, Chris,” He said, “I meant to change you to another boy, so no one could recognize that you're my brother and hurt you. I changed you into a boy, but I never expected that you would turn to a dog. Mum will kill me. Maybe you should get something to eat.”

He put a leash on me and led me to the kitchen. Everything looked so big now. I could feel my tail wagging as my brother looked for an old dog dish. He cast a spell over a bowl of apples and that became dog food. I started to get mad. Did he expect me to eat dog food? When he put a bowl of dog food before me, I knew that he was serious. I sniffed it. It didn’t smell that bad. I tasted a small bit. It was rabbit food. I started to eat the food thinking that it was good enough.

Wyatt became worried. He knew that his mother would lose her temper if she found out. He also knew the more time that I was a dog; the harder it was to change back. However, he did not want me as a brother. He couldn’t deal with the pain and fear that I might be killed by some demon.

He walked me through the neighbourhood as he thought of what is best to do. I noticed that Wyatt was very worried. I wanted to lick his face to make him happy. However, I was just happy to be able to walk and stretch my 4 legs. It was also nice that I could wet every pole and some bushes as we walked along. I could smell if other dogs did the same before me. Then it hit me. I was starting to think like a dog. If Wyatt didn’t do anything soon, I would be a dog for the rest of my life.

When we came home, Mum was there. She was busy making some potions.

“Wyatt, where did you get that dog?”

“Err, I found him. I hope we can keep him”

“We will have to discuss that later. Where is Chris?”

“He is around.”

Mum could see that there was something strange. She looked straight into my eyes and shouted, “The dog has Chris’ eyes!”

Wyatt told Mum the truth. He told about Barbas and being afraid that he would lose me. Then he told that he put a spell on me that went wrong. Now he was afraid that I would stay as a dog. Mum was quite annoyed. She started mixing herbs and other things while mumbling that boys will be boys. She put this pink potion in a glass and threw it at me. The potion started running down my face and back. It was very soothing and made me very weak that I fell to the floor. Not even my 4 legs could support me. I closed my eyes as I could feel some ticklish feelings in my body. I could feel that I once again was getting hands and feet. Great, I would no longer be a dog. The feeling was too much for me. I felt like that I had to sleep. My eyes were getting heavier and heavier and I slept

When I woke up, I was on the floor. Mum put a blanket over me. My hair covered my eyes and mouth; I tried to sweep it back. I had long hair. It went down to my shoulders. I quickly sat up and looked around. I looked at my hands. They were human. I looked at the blanket, it was a human body. I smiled. Things were back to normal. Then I felt that something was weird. I looked under the blanket again. Then it hit me. My boy privates were gone. The only thing that was there was girl privates. Then I realized what has happened:

MUM HAS TURNED ME INTO A GIRL

I ran up to my room and could see that Mum used her magic again. It now had pink walls and a pink rug in the middle of it. My boy toys were changed to girl toys. Teddy bears, dollhouse, dolls, and art stuff filled my room. Mum was smiling as she hung a poster of a kitten on my wall. I wanted to be a boy, not a girl!

She put me in some of my old boy clothes. She announced that we had to go shopping. I needed a whole new wardrobe. She would not use magic to do that. It would be nice to go on a mothers-daughters day and spend a lot of money. I could see a smile on Wyatt’s face. He would be able to escape this.

My Mum was brushing my hair while she explained that changing me into a boy was hard. She admitted that she always wanted a girl, and now she had a chance to do this. I realized that she was asking me to be content with my new body and my new identity as a girl.

It would be hard being a girl after I have been a boy all my life. I looked around the room and thought that it was pretty. I said thanks to Mum and let her take me out shopping

By the time we entered the clothes shop, I thought it was like heaven. So many blouses, tank tops, pretty t-shirts. There were so many skirts and dresses. There were so many leggings and panties. Mum and I smiled. We looked at a denim skirt that would look great on me. Then we found another one. Then we found another one. They were all next to each other. The fact is that we could have bought all the clothes in the shop. It was so fun picking clothes out.

After we bought bags and bags of clothes, we went to the hairdressers. Mum told her to make my hair more princess-like. The hairdresser started brushing my hair and then cutting some of it. She put curls in the bottom to give it a bit of bounce she said. She swung me around the chair and Mum said that she finally had a daughter.

Due to magic, I was now transformed into a girl. For every minute that went by I was starting to think like a girl.

When we got home, we showed Wyatt what we got at the store. He just noticed that it was girl’s clothes. He didn’t even notice that my hair was different. That is so typical for boys, I thought. They wouldn’t notice a change in a woman unless the roof fell down. I helped Mum put the clothes away in my wardrobe. My mind was running around in circles. Which clothes would I wear today? What should I wear tomorrow?

I decided to wear a white tank top and pink panties, tights and my new denim dress. Mum gave me a hug and said that she always wished she had a daughter and now she got her chance. I smiled back and gave Mum a hug. A part of me was whispering to make me into a boy, but the voice was not that loud. I felt so free in these clothes. I wanted to dance around the room and celebrate that I got so many clothes and a redecorated room.

A White light appeared in the room. Someone was warping in. It was Dad.

“What happened here? Why is Chris’ bedroom like a girl’s room? Has he suddenly become a sissy?”

“Well, it’s a long story. The short story is that he is now Christina and is a girl.”

“A GIRL! You changed my son into a girl?”

“It was either that or a dog. You see Wyatt had a visit by Barbas, that found out that Wyatt was afraid of losing his little brother. So Wyatt tried a spell that went wrong and changed Chris into a dog. I changed him into a human again, but my potion was rushed and it changed him into a girl.” Mum explained

Dad got very upset and paced back and forth while he was looking at me and the bedroom. He was saying that we should only do magic to help innocents. We should not use magic on ourselves. Mum argued back and asked did Dad want me to be a dog? They kept arguing. If there were two adults that could fight, it was Dad and Mum. After a few minutes, they were shouting into each other’s face. They were not listening to what was being said or who was saying it.

“Dad, I like my new room. I like my new clothes. I like my new body. I like being a girl”

“Oh Chris, You’re starting to think you are a girl. Your brain has accepted that you are a girl. Fight it son. Mum can make a new potion. But if you don’t fight it, you won’t be able to change into a boy again. Fight boy!” Dad pleaded. Mum told him that it probably too late.

“Dad, I want to be a girl. I am a girl.”

“What about Football. (Soccer)?”

“I don’t want to play football anymore. I want to dance. I want to do ballet.”

“And what do we tell your teachers, your friends, your aunts, and everyone else who knows Chris”

“Well,” Mum said, “We can tell them that Chris has gone to live with a relative and one of his cousins has come to live here”

“What about Barbas?”

“We will give the children a potion, so if he comes again, they could kill him”

Dad gave up. He gave me a hug and went back up to Heaven.

People accepted that I was a cousin. I quickly met new friends. One thing that was fun was that we talked about different things. Girls talked about clothes and boys. I quickly thought of a girl. I loved my new friends. I was still considered a Halliwell, one of the most powerful witch families.

I didn’t go to football. Every day that went convinced me that I would be happier doing ballet. I loved ballet. It was the feeling that we were flying. The other girls were much better than me, and that meant that I had to practice a lot at home.

I was happy with my life and I have forgotten that I once was a boy. I thought that boy’s clothes, toys and games were boring. Mum slowly brought me things to let me pursue my new hobbies. The relationship between us changed. We had deeper conversations and did a lot more things together. Mum was even teaching me how to do potions. The only complaint that Mum had was that she had not raised me as a little girl. She got me now; she never had a baby girl.

I suppose the only one that was unhappy was Wyatt. He lost a brother that he could play with. He lost a little brother that he could wrestle with, play games with, practice magic with. It was not as fun as with a sister.

A few weeks later, Wyatt was in the library in the magic school Barbas showed his face once more.

“You have been a busy boy,” he said, “You think that your brother is safe because he is now a girl. You are wrong. I will tell all the demons who Christina really is. Oh, I see that you still have the same fear, you now fear to lose your own sister.”

Wyatt was mad. He got off the chair and ran towards Barbas. Barbas waved his hand, and Wyatt went flying against a wall. This made Barbas boast that Wyatt was not powerful enough to stand up to Barbas. Wyatt staggered to his feet and told Barbas that he would never harm me or anyone in the family again. He took the potion that mum gave him earlier and threw it at Barbas. Barbas’ face stretched. You could see the pain on his face as it stretched to over a meter. Then the face exploded. The rest of Barbas’ body simmered until it was a bubbling puddle on the floor.

Wyatt was now going to set things right in the family. He thought about what his mother wanted. She wanted a baby girl. He thought about the demons that will be after an 11-year-old girl. So Wyatt once had the solution. He cast a spell.

I was in my room, but I knew that a spell had been cast when I suddenly felt cramps and fell to the bed. There was a pink fog swivelling around me. I started screaming and crying. The next thing I knew was that Mum picked me up and started consoling me.

“Don’t worry my baby daughter, “she said, “Everything is fine. Mum will take care of you.”

Curly Top
Written by Dauphin
http://dauphinsworld.activeboard.com/

You think as a 12-year-old boy, that I would be interested in doing homework, or the latest sports, games or even girls. That was not me; I was like everyone else at my school. We were talking about the talent contest at our school. It was a yearly event and everyone tried doing something. However, if you won, you were put on the hall of fame. This was just like being a town hero. This was the only thing that people talked about at school and at every home in the town.

Most did not expect to win. They just wanted to have fun. However, it was different than me. You see, my mom and dad won it when they were children and so did my big sister. Everyone in my family was on the wall, except me. This year I wanted to win. I wanted to win so badly. I decided that my picture will be on that wall this year. I would do anything to win.

So I spent a few days trying to sing different songs. That did not work out. Then I tried to dance. That was not good enough. I tried doing magic. That nearly burnt the house down. It seemed like I could do things, but I was just average. I would do well in the competition, but I most likely would not win! I was frustrated and cried on my bed. I would never be in the hall of fame.

My sister Amanda came in and gave me a hug. She was 16 and I must admit she was a good sister. She didn’t think I was annoying or that I was a burden. She didn’t tease me or treat me bad. Just like now, when I was giving up hope and didn’t think I was good at anything. She hugged me and told me that I had many talents. She turned on the TV and there was a film of Shirley Temple singing and dancing. My sister smiled at me and told me that the actress in the film and I have the same curls. I could not see how that girl and I had the same haircut. However, she got my attention and she was good.

The next few days, I looked at all the films of hers I could find. It’s great we have YouTube! I was more and more impressed with Shirley Temple. She used her cuteness and talent to impress millions. My sister noticed my new found interest in Shirley and asked me was I going to imitate her at the talent show. I thought a bit and told her I could very well be the reincarnation of the actress from the 1930’s. My sister smiled at this.

That night I dreamt about the talent contest, with Shirley competing. She was singing a song and at the end danced a bit. Everyone was cheering and throwing roses at her. She won the competition and everyone stood up and clapped when she got the trophy. She was a star! When I looked at her on the stage, I could see it was not Shirley. It was me!

The next day we were eating breakfast. My mom asked, “Do you want cornflakes or just toast Stephen?” I heard my mom asking but I did not answer. I just sat there and looked around confused. She asked a few more times and I did not answer. This must have frustrated my parents as you could see their faces cringe. My dad told me that my mom was asking me a question, and he expected me to answer her. I just fiddled with the napkin as my sister giggled. She explained to my parents that I no longer thought I was Stephen, but the reincarnation of Shirley Temple. My dad did not look so impressed, but my mom started laughing and smiling. She said she had a new daughter. Dad sighed.
“Do you want Cornflakes, Shirley?” Mom asked.
I nodded.

After dinner, I went to my sister’s room. She was reading a magazine. I knew that she wanted to be a hairdresser when she was older. So I wanted her to do my hair. At first, she laughed and said that my hair was perfect. I started crying saying that it is not what I was used to. I begged her to do my hair as I couldn’t ask mom or dad, as they thought I was still a boy called Stephen. My sister stopped smiling and said to herself that I was serious about this. She asked me if I was serious about being Shirley. I said I was Shirley. She told me to sit in a chair and within a few seconds, I started to see small pieces of hair fall down as my sister looked at a print out of Shirley, and clipped a bit more. She spent ages brushing it. In the end, she looked at it and said that it made me look like a girl. I smiled at that. I told her my hair was like that before, it will be fine again!

When my parents saw it, they were in shock. Dad sighed and complained that I even had the same hair as the girl. He took my hand and explained to me Shirley Temple was a child star 70 years ago. I am not Shirley. This made me tear away from him shouting that he does not understand. I ran to my room and cried on my bed.

I could hear my parents talk all night. I didn’t want them to get mad at me or think that I went crazy. However, I wanted them to respect what and who I was. I was Shirley and it was important to me that they saw this. I was looking more and more like her; however, the transformation was not completed yet. I still had to act more and more like her, and look even more and more like her. I had to be… Shirley.
My sister came in and told me not to worry. Mom and Dad were just worried about me. She could understand why. It’s not every day that a son says he is the reincarnation of someone that was a child 80 years ago. On top of that, not every boy would say they are a girl. She told me mom and dad worried because they love me, but I can expect them to school not to understand. They will tease me. Then my sister gave me a hug and said that she will always love and support me.
She gave me a doll. It was an old doll she found in the attic. It was a raggy doll and smelled of dust. It must have belonged to granny or even her mother. I hugged the doll and said thank you to my sister. She smiled and said she had to get used to the fact that she now had a sister that was finding herself. I held the doll close to me as she was now my best friend. I closed my eyes and was falling asleep when my parents come in. I didn’t want to discuss anymore, so I pretended I was asleep. Mom and dad gave me a hug. Dad then whispered that he did not know what to do. This was totally weird for him. Mom whispered that they should be there for me. There was silence and then dad whispered that he loved me.

I had the best parents in the world.

It was now weekend, so I spent all Saturday practising to dance. I must admit I was having great fun. I decided to the song and to do a bit of tap dancing. I danced before a mirror and sang. Then I looked at the film of how it was done there, and I tried again. My mom looked at my practice and said that it was not good enough yet. My mom smiled and accused me of being a perfectionist.

I was not happy with my performance or the way I was. I looked at the video and I was just as good. Why was I not satisfied? Why was I so sad? I tried to practice so every second was perfect, and I even recorded myself, so I could look at my performance. I was not happy and this made me cry. I held my doll and sat on my bed wondering what I should do. My face was red and wet with tears.

Once again, my sister came to my rescue. She told me to stop crying and follow her. I took her hand and held the doll in my other hand. She dragged me to the attic in the house, where it was cold and dark. We turned on a switch that was a low light that made the attic glow a bit. Everything looked brown and dusty, as we were travelling back in time. She dragged me in a maze of old furniture and blankets and piles of clothes. In the far end of the attic, we found a big chest with the words Christina 1932. We opened it and it was full of clothes. She said they belonged to my great-grandmother. For the first time in days, I was smiling. I put my hands through the clothes and lifted them up to see. There were a few dresses that were so pretty!

Did my sister expect me to wear these; is this what my performance needed? She smiled and said I cannot be Shirley and not look like her. Then she took me to another part of the attic and found her old clothes. She said I could also have her clothes. We dragged her clothes and my clothes down to my room. We spent a few hours putting my old clothes in plastic bags and putting them in the attic. The girl clothes were now in my drawers and closet.

Mom came in and asked us what we were doing. I said I was Shirley and had to look like her. I could see moms face turn white as she called for my dad to come and look. By the time he came, I had a nightdress on. It was a light blue one with a rainbow and a cute unicorn, my sister was fixing my hair. Mom told dad that I am now dressing like a girl. He looked at me and I think he was trying to remember the son that I looked like days before. He told mom that he needed a drink. Mom was now mad and asking was that all he was going to do? Mom followed him and a night of screaming and fighting started. I told my sister, that I didn’t want to be the cause of their fights. She said they were not fighting. They were worried. They had a son one day and the next day their son says he is a daughter. They would get over it. She tucked me in. I waited for my parents to come and tuck me in bed, but they did not come.

The next day I did not consider wearing girl clothes to school and my new hair. I found a yellow top that had a crown on it and some shorts. I wore tights under the shorts and sandals. My sister was surprised and said that no one could see that I was a boy. The same happened at school, where everyone knew I was a boy but looked like a girl. They started calling me sissy and girlie and asked did I, fancy boys? I wanted to hold my doll so much and cry my eyes out, but I held my head high and did not shed a tear. Some boys asked what my new name was, only to be in shock and laugh as I told them my name was Shirley. I cared that they teased me as I always liked being popular. I never knew what it was like to be teased. I knew that I would never tease anyone again. I was also worried about my parents. They fought all night and it was because of me. I didn’t want to be the reason for my parents getting a divorce.

Was I selfish in thinking I was Shirley?

When I came home, my parents told me to sit down. I sat down quietly. Dad told me that I could be transgendered, as I feel like I am a girl. But have a boy’s body. He told me that some children feel the same as me, and mom and dad talked about it all night. Mom continued and said that they now accepted that I was Shirley. This does not mean I was sick or weird. It does not mean that my family loved me as much as they ever did, and they would support me as they always tried to. I told them about the teasing and this made Dad sigh. He told me that others will look down at me and tease and make me feel bad. He thinks they do this because they are confused and do not know why I suddenly think that I am Shirley. They both gave me a hug.

Then they said to get dressed, as even though it was a school night, we were going out to get a burger. They told me to find my sister. I wanted to practice for the competition, but a burger could not be turned down. I ran up to get my sister.

I told her everything that my parents said and she smiled and said she knew everyone would be happy at the end. She said this was something to celebrate and told me I should wear a dress. I thought a few minutes and then asked which dress? We found a purple dress. I wore tights of course and Mary Janes. We rushed down and said we were ready. Dad joked saying it's hard being surrounded by so many princesses. I blushed.

We went to the mall. A part of me knew this would be fun being with my family, but I also knew that it was a test for me. It would show me if people saw me as Shirley or the boy I was a week ago. As we entered the mall, I held dads hand very tight as we walked through a crowd of people and past the shops. My feet were very weak but I knew that I had to do this. I became more and more confident as people were not pointing at me and teasing. They actually thought I was a girl. Some older boys and men even gave me a strange smile. This made me smile as if they only knew.

My best friend from school George was there. He told me that he has something important to say to me and pulled me away from my parents, my mom said it was nice to see him, and we would meet at the burger bar. George was welcome to come and eat with us. I thought that could be fun.

When we were alone, George asked what has gotten into me and why I was suddenly a sissy. I tried explaining that I was Shirley and he would understand after the competition. This made Georg lose his cool. He shouted that I was a boy and my brain was telling me I was a girl. I had a boy’s body and thought I was a girl. He told me to look at myself when I am in the shower and ask myself do I look like a girl? Then George started to panic and asked did I stare at his privates in the showers. He asked me was all this because I was gay?

He pushed me and called me a freak. An old woman saw this and slapped George across his ear, saying not to treat his girlfriend like that. George yelped when she hit him as he shouted telling her and half the mall that I was a sissy boy. I was on the ground and didn’t notice that the dress was hiked up so the woman could see my tights and the boy’s tent. Everyone was in shock and I stayed on the ground crying and calling for my mom.

George went away and told me we were no longer friends. This made me cry more. My parents told me we would go home and get a takeaway. We do not need people pointing at us and judging.

When we home, I was in a depressed mood. I never knew that George was so mean. I thought if it was him that was dressed like a girl, I would accept it, or would I? I was so confused.

Dad came into tuck me good night. He told me he wanted a son that played football, had girlfriends and wanted to be a rock star. Now he had a daughter that was the reincarnation of a child star that was famous 80 years before. I was hard to accept but he did not love me less. When others had time to understand and accept it, they would still love me and want to be with my friends. He told me the next thing was the competition the next day and gave me a kiss on my forehead telling me to be brave.

The next day, I was dressed in a white petticoat dress and ankle socks and Mary Janes. My sister put flowers in my hair. When my mother saw me, she started crying telling me how proud we were. Everyone was silent as they see me. No one smiled or said hi. They just stared at me, as if I came from the moon,

George turned around when he saw me. He looked the other way and did not even bother to wave or something. My family whispered to be brave.

When I went on scene and looked at the audience, I could see their faces again. Many faces were confused, while others were in disgust, a few were smiling. I looked down and wondered was this a good idea. The music started playing and I started singing “On the Good Ship Lollipop”. As I looked down at the audience, they started to smile more and more. I think this helped me perform better, especially when they saw my tap-dance. They clapped in beat to the tap-dancing. The performance was only 5 minutes, but it was so fun. For the first time, I didn’t care if I won or not, especially as I got a standing aviation.

I won the competition. I got what I wanted. My picture was now in the hall of fame.

On the way home, my dad was saying how amazing it was. He said no one was happy to see me before I came, and after my song, I was the hero of the night. Mom said that I needed to see a special doctor. She heard that transgenders should get blockers and hormones. She would make an appointment tomorrow.

I told them no need. I asked sister if she would help me get my boys clothes back so I can be myself again.

There was silence for a bit and mom screamed asking if I did all this just to win a competition? My dad was quiet as he did not know what to say. My sister was worse saying I used her.

As for me, I cried and said it was like something that swept me. I wanted to win the competition, and the only way I could do it is if people thought that I was not just imitating the girl, I wanted them to believe I was her. I apologised if they thought I played with their emotions and tricked them.

There was silence.

My sister asked would we put back all the dresses.

I said no, as Shirley was part of me, which was not the plan, and she will want to visit her family once in a while. I also wanted to keep the doll.

 
Custody
A mother wants her son. She knows he is a girl. A father wants his son. He does not want the mother to brainwash him. You are the judge in this interactive story

This may not be the real way a court case works, but imagine it is. At the end there is a poll, where you can decide what you would do as the judge. You can leave comments why you have made your choice… good luck

Characters:

J: Judge

DL: Lawyer for the Father

ML: Lawyer for the mother

D: The father

M: The Mother

A: The son

G: The Grandmother

T: His teacher

P: Psychiatrist

F: A friend

J: This is a custody case. Both the mother and Father, wants the custody over their son, who considers himself a girl. Aaron is 11 years old. The witnesses have been agreed upon. At the end there will be a closing statement from each lawyer.

I would like to start by asking the Mother to take the stand.

DL: When you were pregnant, did you want a son or daughter?

M: A daughter.

DL: Why is that?

M: Since I was small, I always wanted a daughter.

DL: And you got a son, Aaron.  Did this disappoint you?

M: No. You obviously never gave birth, when you give birth to a baby; you are overjoyed at the fact that you gave birth. Then you see if the baby has 10 fingers and 10 toes and you love the child from the child’s first breath.

DL: Is this why you call your son angel?

M: Aaron looks like an angel.

DL: Do you consider him a boy or girl?

M: I consider Aaron a girl. She thinks like a girl, she acts like a girl; she likes girl’s clothes and toys.

DL: Could this be because deep inside you wanted a girl?

M: ………. I do not think so.

DL: Do not think so. Could it be because you bought a dolls house for Aaron’s first birthday and let the child wear dresses as an infant?

M: I wanted Aaron to have the toys that she wanted. Dressing in dresses was because it would help her move and be mobile.

DL: Surely you could use shorts or baggy trousers?

M: Yes. She had these as well.

DL: In fact up to now, you have bought dolls and other girl toys?

M: Yes

DL: Since he was a baby, you refused to cut his hair

M: Her hair was curly and beautiful. It would have been a shame to cut the hair.

DL: Or was it because you wanted him to look like a girl?

M: She looked the way she looked.

DL: I see. When you met others, did they think that he was a boy or girl?

M: They thought she was a cute girl.

DL: how did this make you feel?

M: I was proud that I had a pretty child.

DL: Pretty?

M: Yes

DL: Last Halloween, did your child dress up as a fairy?

M: Yes. It was an agreement that Aaron had with her grandmother.

DL: But you let your son go out as a fairy?

M: Yes, Aaron was happy so why not?

DL: Once in a while, you let him dress in girl’s clothes. This means dresses, tights and blouses. Is this true?

M: Yes

DL: Do you tell Aaron’s father

M: We agreed it should be a secret, so his father would not get mad.

DL: Who suggested this?

M: I did

DL: Did you say to Aaron that you were looking forward to when he got a new boyfriend and in the future, got married?

M: Yes –

DL: No further Questions.

J: Has the mother’s lawyer anything to ask?

ML: Why did you say that you hoped Aaron would get a boyfriend?

M: Aaron was showing interest for other boys. I wanted her to know that I supported her and was her choice.

ML: You keep calling Aaron her, but he is a boy, is he not?

M: Aaron considers herself a girl; I respect that and will treat her the way she wants to

ML: But Aaron is too young, did you consider getting counseling?

M: She is very smart. It is not easy for someone in a boy’s body to say that there is a girl inside. I did not consider counseling, because I think Aaron knows what she is. She has seen a court appointed psychiatrist concerning this case.

ML: Could this be because of your support and influence when Aaron was younger?

M: If Aaron didn’t like it, then she would have said no.

ML: When you let Aaron dress as a girl at home, why do you keep it a secret from your husband?

M: Aaron has enough people that don’t understand how she feels. She does get teased by some children, and doesn’t need her own father to look down on her.

ML: Would you love Aaron any less if he or she thought he was a boy?

M: A mother’s love knows no limits. I would love Aaron and support my child in any way I can

ML: Why do you think that Aaron’s father should not get custody?

M: Aaron considers herself a girl. His father will try to force my child in being something she is not. Aaron needs to be supported and understood.

ML: No further Questions

J: has the Fathers Lawyer any follow up questions?

DL: Yes, your honour. I just want the court and myself to be certain of a few things. Has Aaron a vagina or a Penis.

M: That is a weird question. Aaron is a boy on the outside and a girl on the inside

DL: You say that he does not get counseling and that you know what’s best for him, and he knows what’s best. What qualifications do you have?

M: None. I am her mother

DL: He is in the back room now. He has boy’s clothes on. Is he wearing panties or boxers?

M: Panties

DL: Who decided this?

M: His father wanted her in boy’s clothes because of the media attention. I suggested that Aaron could wear panties.

DL: Have you considered putting Aaron on hormone treatment?

M: Yes

DL: Does his father know?

M: No

ML: No further Questions

J: Thank you. Now the Father will take the stand.

ML: Let me start by asking do you realize that many children are transgender, and it is a fight and struggle for them to be understood?

D: This Transgender talk is just being political correct. I think they are confused the way when they treated when they were small. It is their mother’s influence that confuses them. Then we as society say that we should accept it.

ML: Does your son consider himself a girl?

D: Yes, that is what he says.

ML: Then why can you not respect his wishes?

D: Aaron is only 11. He is not old enough to know who he really is. I only found out when I went through puberty. I think he is confused because he is a boy and his mother treats him as a girl.

ML: Did you not consider that Aaron’s mother knows who he is better than you and just respects that Aaron is transgender?

D: I am sure that she loves Aaron. But she has put him in girl’s clothes since he was a baby. She bought dolls and other sissy things, and refuses to cut his hair. She even wants him to do ballet. The fact is how much does she know him, or is she trying to manipulate him?

ML: You didn’t answer my question. Could she not respect that he is transgender and that you simply do not understand it

D: It is possible

ML: When Aaron wanted earrings and he asked you, what did you say?

D: No way. Only gays wear earrings.

ML: I know many boys that wear them. Do you?

D: That is up to their parents. I do not want my son wearing earrings or dresses or any sissy things.

ML: Would you disagree if he were gay?

D: He is too young to decide. If he were gay, I would explain to him that it is a sin and that he should look at girls.

ML: The fact is that he has shown interest in another boy. He told the boy he wanted to get married. Maybe he is gay.

D: He is too young to know. I talked with him that he should find a girlfriend

ML: is it true after you took this short talk, that you forced him to cut his hair?

D: Yes, so he does not look like a girl

ML: Does he look like a girl now with shorter hair?

D: Maybe a bit

ML: You tried making him play football. Did he like that?

D: No. Maybe it is because his mother indoctrinates him

ML: But he likes Ballet

D: Ballet is only for sissies. But he likes it

ML: Does he talk to you about private and personal things? How he feels? What he likes? What he dislikes?

D: No. Maybe I am too busy at work

ML: No Further questions

Judge: Has the Fathers lawyer any questions

DL: Thank you, your honour. Did you know that your son is secretly dressing as a girl while you are at work?

D: No. It’s not like I go through his wardrobes and see what he has

DL: Did you know he is wearing panties now?

D: No

DL: Do you think that your son likes being in girl’s clothes?

D: I think after 11 years of him wearing them, he does not know what is right or wrong. I hated wearing a tie as a teenager, but I need one for work. After a few years I did not notice I was wearing one,

DL: Do you think boys should have long hair?

D: No, especially it makes them look feminine.

DL: Tell me about one disagreement you had with your wife about your son.

D: One night I came home early. My wife and Aaron were sitting on the sofa. She was painting his toenails. When Aaron seen me, he ran out. Then we had a fight.

DL: Some would say what is the big deal about painting toenails for fun.

D: He was wearing a dress and she was painting them. Aaron is confused enough due to years of her manipulation and brainwashing.

DL: So you think it his mother is abusing Aaron

D: He is being manipulated and brainwashed that he is a girl. I consider this abuse.

DL: Have you considered that Aaron gets psychiatric counseling?

D: I do not believe in shrinks.

DL No further questions.

J: Has the Mothers Lawyer any follow up questions:

ML: What is Aaron’s bedroom colour?

D: Pink

ML: Who painted it?

D: I paid for a painter.

ML: What is Aaron’s favourite colour?

D: I do not know

ML: You Love your son?

D: Yes, that is why I am here

ML: Is he a sissy?

D: .Yes I suppose he is.

ML: Are you religious?

D: Yes

ML: Thank you

J: I would like to ask Aaron’s teacher to come to the stand.

DL: Does Aaron get teased in Class?

T: Yes, although it has become better

DL: Why does he get teased?

T: His clothes, the way he is. He is quite feminine.

DL: So others call him sissy?

T: Yes and rude names like gay and faggot. They ask him is it true that he considers himself a girl. They also ask how he can be a girl when he has a penis.

DL: So they think he is weird?

T: Yes

DL: Do you?

T: He is special I would say. I think he is trying to find himself. I think he is trying to figure out who he really is.

DL: Does he play boy activities?

T: No

DL: Does he play with boys?

T: No, then he does what any other girl does; he will flirt with the boys.

DL: He has kissed a boy. What was your reaction?

T: I talked with him that this could mean that he will be teased more. I told his parents, so they would know.

DL: Let me understand this right, because Aaron is very feminine, he has a tough time at school?

T: Yes. As I said he is teased. It is getting better, but he has a tough time

DL: Have you spoke to his mother and father about this?

T: Yes, his father seems very embarrassed and powerless, while his mother wants me to explain to other children that he could be a girl in a boy’s body. In other words, what she believes in. Both parents want me to do different things

DL: No further Questions.

J: Has the Mothers lawyer any questions?

ML: Does Aaron do well at school?

T: Yes, very well grade wise

ML: So Aaron is intelligent?

T: Yes.

ML: Do you think he is more mature for his age?

T: Yes.

ML: You say he is teased less, how is this?

T: In each class there is a hierarchy. Often the strange children or weak children are at the bottom. He was at the bottom, but now it seems that the girls have accepted him as a girl.

ML: Does he have any friends?

T: He plays mostly with the girls. He has a friend called Nick.

ML: So overall he is happy at school?

T: Children adopt very easily. He is as happy as he could be.

ML: Most divorce children are affected by the divorce. They can be angry or think it’s their fault. Has Aaron shown any of this?

T: Overall he has not been affected by the divorce. He does not show it. I think the only signs that he has is that he thinks it’s his fault.

ML: Where does Aaron live now?

T: His mother

ML: Do you think Aaron is a girl or is he just a sissy?

T: I am not that qualified to answer that. He thinks he is a girl, but why he thinks that is open to interpretation.

ML: No further Questions

J: I would ask that Aaron’s Grandmother take the stand now.

ML: To set things straight, are you the mother’s mother or father’s mother?

G: I am Aaron’s father’s mother.

ML: Did you dress your son as a girl when he was younger?

G: No, he did not want to

ML: Do you think that it is strange that Aaron wears girl’s clothes?

G: No, when my father was a child, he wore dresses until he started in school. This was common in those days.

ML: So what do you think that your son disagrees with him wearing dresses and acting like a girl?

F: I agree with my son. Aaron is 11 years old and should be out of dresses and other girl activities such as Ballet and act like a boy.

ML: Now, I am confused. You bought him a fairy uniform last Halloween

G: Halloween is when we can pretend to be something that we are not. When I bought him that costume, it was so he can pretend.

ML: Is it strange for a boy to wear a fairy costume?

G: Halloween is strange.

ML: It can be said that you supported Aaron in thinking he is a girl.

G: I just wanted him to be happy. His parents disagree with this, and I am stuck in the middle. For one day, I thought it would be nice that he can pretend to be something that he was not.

ML: Is Aaron very feminine

G: Yes

ML: Is he forced to be feminine?

G: No

ML: No further questions.

J: Does the Fathers lawyer have any questions?

DL: Is Aaron a boy?

G: Yes

DL: what do you think of the possibility that he has a gender identity crises, in other words he is a girl in a boy’s body?

G: Nonsense. Who put the girl in his body? It must be because of his mother’s wishes and influences.

DL: You have been with his mother when she has bought clothes, many of which were girl clothes. What do you think about this?

G: I thought it was strange buying a boy dresses and make up and things. It is Ok for playing games, but this was serious.

DL: Did you say this to his mother?

G: Yes, I said that half his clothes should not be girl clothes. It will only confuse him.

DL: What was his mother’s reaction?

G: She explained that Aaron considered himself a girl. She told me this again and again, the last time when we were buying make up. She said that he was a girl and the more people that thought that, the happier he would be.

DL: Did you believe this?

G: No

DL. One thing I don’t understand, why did you not tell Aaron’s father, and why did you not tell his mother you thought it was wrong.

G: Aaron is happy. I wanted to see my grandson. I was afraid with his mother’s influence that she would not allow me to see him again. So I tried in my own special way to do things.

DL: Is Aaron a girl in a boy’s body or what`

G: I think he is a sissy. I think his father is right, he has been brainwashed.

DL: No further questions

J: I would now like to ask Nick, Aaron’s friend to sit here. As he is a minor, I will ask him some questions. Hello. Nick. How old are you?

F: 11.

J: Aaron is your friend, is he not?

F: Yes

J: Does he have many friends?

F: Not boys. Boys are afraid to be his friend.

J: Why is that?

F: Because if he was a friend, they will think he fancies them.

J: They think that he is gay? It’s OK, you can tell me

F: Yes, because you know the way he is.

J: I actually didn’t meet Aaron yet. Can you tell me the way he is?

F: He is a bit weird. He likes playing girl games, and he likes wearing girl things. He likes playing with the girls. He hates boy things. He even looks like a girl, even after his hair was cut.

J: Do you think it was OK that his father cut his hair?

F: I like short hair, but I know Aaron was very sad.

J: You say that Aaron is your friend and the other boys do not like him, why is he your friend?

F: He is nice, and funny. We are all weird in our special way. I like being with him.

J: Do you consider him a girl or just a sissy?

F: He is a girl. I know that sounds strange, but when you have been with him, you will see this.

J: Is that why he kissed you?

F: That’s embarrassing to talk about. I am not gay

J: No one is saying you gay. But everyone at school knows that you kissed. Maybe you want to clear things up.

F: I kissed him, He didn’t kiss me. It’s because at first I thought he was a sissy. Now I think that God made a mistake and gave him the wrong body. He is really a girl.

J: That took courage to say. Thank you for speaking with me.

J: I would now like to Ask Aaron to the stand. I will also ask all the questions to Aaron. Aaron, I have heard a lot. I want to know, do you think you are a girl?

A: Yes. I just have a boy’s body

J: That must be hard for you. Having a boy’s body. Why do you think you have a boy’s body?

A: Something went wrong in Mums belly. I was born wrong. I don’t know. We have to ask God.

J: Do you think your mother treats you like a girl?

A: Yes.

J: Do you like this?

A: Yes, we have lots of good times. I really love my mother

J: What if your mother said you were a boy, and no more girl things? Would that disappoint you?

A: I would cry and think she didn’t love me anymore

J: If you were born as a boy in a boy’s body, do you think your mother would love you just as much?

A: I don’t know, but maybe we wouldn’t have as much fun.

J: Do you love your Dad?

A: Yes

J: But he thinks you’re a boy

A: I know. But it’s hard for some people to understand

J: Have you tried explaining to him how you feel?

A: He lectures me. He tells me I am a boy. Every time I say but he said being a girl is a sissy. I should accept the way God made me. I can’t talk to him about it.

J: Did you like football?

A: No. It was too rough

J: Did you like when he cut your hair?

A: No. But now I will let it grow. I was very sad. I cried and cried, but dad said that it’s about time that I stopped being weird.

J: I hear you like girl clothes and toys

A: Yes. Then I feel happy when I have them on. I feel happy when I play with girl’s things.

J: Why not boys things?

A: They just don’t interest me.

J: Is that why you play mostly with girls?

A: I am shy around boys. Some of them are very cute, and I don’t know what to say to them.

J: It must be a problem for you when you take a shower

A: Yes. It’s so embarrassing because I stare at them. I know that we have the same body but we are not the same inside

J: Aaron, this is a hard question, could it simply be because you are gay and not a girl?

A: I am not gay. Some are gay, but they don’t feel like a girl.

J: It’s hard being teased because you think you are a girl?

A: Yes. I wish that I had a different body. But I would be sadder if I was a boy.

J: Thank you Aaron for your courage

  

J: I would like the psychiatrist that met with Aaron to take the stand. The mother’s lawyer may start asking any questions.

ML: What Is Transgender?

P: Everyone has a gender identity. Gender identity is our internal sense of being male or female. Sometimes, people’s gender identity does not match their body. So a transgender person may have a male body, but feel inside that they are female. Or a transgender person may have a female body, but feel inside that they are truly male.

ML: Can a Child Be Transgender?

P: Children and adolescents can be transgender, just like adults. In fact, a small percentage of all children are transgender. Children understand gender differences from a very early age. And transgender children strongly identify with the other gender, often from age two or three. Because we don’t talk about transgender people with children, adolescents or even adults, children who are transgender lack basic information about who they are, and struggle with feeling like they were born in the wrong body. And adults typically react as if there were something wrong with these children, as well.
In truth, there is nothing wrong with these children. But since very few people understand that it is natural for a small percentage of the population to be transgender, people don’t know that you can have male genitals and still be female or have female genitals and be male.
Transgender children who express their “real” gender identity can become extremely unhappy and depressed when adults try to prevent them being their true selves. Being transgender is not the cause of their distress. Instead, not being understood and feeling like there is something wrong with them causes them to suffer. And pressure to change their core sense of who they are causes emotional suffering, as well.

ML: What Makes a Child Transgender?

P: Many parents are concerned that something they did made their child become transgender. This is not true. Nothing that a parent or anyone else does can change a child’s gender identity. Being transgender is not caused by divorce, neglect, wishing you had given birth to the other sex, using fertility drugs to conceive, encouraging your child to play sports too often or not enough, or other parental thoughts, behaviors or experiences. We don’t know exactly why some people are transgender. But science is showing that transgender children are most likely born that way, right from the start. Even before children can verbalize their sense of gender, they start to tell us who they are through their play and choices for clothing, hairstyles, and toys. Once they are old enough to talk, transgender children strongly insist that they are “really” a boy, or “really” a girl.

ML: You have spoken with Aaron. Do you consider him Transgender?

P: Aaron definitely considers himself trapped in a boy’s body. This would mean that he is transgender. It would be easier for him to be normal in social eyes. It would mean that he would not be teased or in the middle in a conflict with his mother or his father.

ML: Do you think that his father’s refusal to support him can have an effect?

P: Transgender children that are not supported by their parents five times more likely to report symptoms of depression, nearly four times as likely to attempt suicide and to use illegal drugs, and twice as likely to be at high risk for HIV than with transgenders that have support. The fact that his father does not support him will have an effect, but he gets some support by his mother and a few friends.

ML: No further questions

J: The father’s lawyer can ask some questions

DL: Are you telling us that the fact that his mother  constantly treats him like a girl and bought him girl clothes has not made him Transgender

P: That is what I am saying. The fact that she supports it and encourages it means he does not have to hide it and can explore who he is and what he likes.

DL: So when his father tried to get him to play football and do other boy things, is this right?

P: His father is doing what society expects him to do. To show him the so-called appropriate activities and behaviour for a boy. This is OK, once the father can respect if Aaron does not like this.

DL: I have noticed that you say he. Should you not say she?

P: This is so it is easier for everyone to understand. If I were speaking with Aaron, I would speak to him as a girl

DL: No further questions

J: The Mothers lawyer can give her final statement

ML: We have heard Aaron say it himself. She (Aaron) considers herself a girl in a boy’s body. I can see that this shocks many people. I can see why she is called names. It is hard to understand someone who is transgender. But we have one responsibility, even though we cannot understand it, we have to respect it. Aaron said herself, that she is a girl.

Her father thinks that her mother has brainwashed her and manipulated her. We have heard from a psychiatrist that even if this is true, it could not influence Aaron’s gender identity. If she really, really did not consider herself a girl, she would have said no to his mother a long time ago.

It is hard being Aaron. She feels like she is trapped in the wrong body. It has taken her a bit of time being accepted in school. She is lucky. She has her mother’s support. Aaron has Nick as a friend and some at school accept her for what she really is. A girl.

The question is who should have custody of her. Her father or her mother. While her mother supports her, what has her father done? He has tried to force Aaron to be something she is not. He will not listen to his son. He wants her to play football. When his father cut her hair, he cut a bit of Aaron’s identity. I will not go so far to say that Aaron’s father is abusing her; I think that Aaron’s father wants what is best for his child. But is Aaron’s father support the one needed. Will Aaron end up as five times more likely to report symptoms of depression, nearly four times as likely to attempt suicide and to use illegal drugs, and twice as likely to be at high risk for HIV?

I ask you to give custody to Aaron’s mother.

J: The Fathers lawyer may have his final words

DL: When I was a child, I thought I was superman. I wanted to be Superman so much. But over time, I have learned that I was not superman, I was the way God created me. We see people that believe that they are something else that they not are locked up in padded cells. We say they have personality identification problems. People that believe they are Superman, Madonna, Elvis and other people are considered sick.

We live in a day when things have to be politically correct. The Psychiatrist was a perfect example of this. Being gay or transgender and even a psycho is part of our genes, and something we are born with. I do not buy that, do you? I keep thinking about the people that think they are Madonna. We all know this is not right. What is the difference?

The question is whom should Aaron live with in this special case. Who will give him the best support?

I believe it is his father. I consider the mother has the same personality as a stage mom. You know the mothers who did not achieve fame and try to force their ambitions on their children. Through constant access to girl’s clothes, toys and environment, it is no wonder that Aaron considers himself a girl. His father calls it manipulation and brainwashing. Is this far from the truth, or am I now politically correct?

The father has shown his love for Aaron. He has tried to teach him what society expects of him, and this is a parent’s duty. If Aaron realized the fact of who he really is, not what he dreams or his mother dreams, then he would not be teased. He will not be an outcast in society. The fact that his mother keeps so many secrets says something in itself. If she thought it was not really wrong, then why keep secrets?

The other side has accused Aaron’s father for being religious. As far as I know this is not a crime. Even though religious beliefs are not political correct in today’s society. Aaron’s father believes that God has created us the way we are, we should be thankful for who we are. Because we have urges to be transgender, gay or even a murderer, does not mean is right.

I believe that only Aaron’s father can give him the security and identity he will need to be part of our society. A cruel society, not a dream world. You know whom you have to give custody to.

J: That’s the case. Now, you have to vote for whom you will give custody to. You can leave comments here or in the poll or writing me an e-mail.

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