Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 1:
How I ended up in Earth₂

I have problems with my family. I'm sure you're saying that everyone has problems with their families. Mine are different, and possibly more severe than yours. You see, I have always felt that there was something about me that was wrong, didn't fit, or simply was broken. I don't consider myself special in any real way. It's just that I would remember events from the past differently from the rest of my family.

I remembered getting a dress for my fifth birthday. For half of the population, this wouldn't have been a big deal. That's because you are all girls. The other half of the population, the one that I'm a part of, are boys. We don't usually get things like dresses or dolls (Christmas of the same year). I don't remember being disappointed. Well, not when I received it. I went to look for the dress a couple of weeks later, because I wanted to show it to one of my friends, and it wasn't there. I asked my mother where the dress was, and she got a strange look on her face. I never asked about the dress after that. Or the doll when it went missing.

Life for me was like that. I would have an event happen, that later no one around me would remember. Like my first date with Brian Reynolds. I remembered him asking me. I remember the search through clothes I have never owned to find just the right thing to wear. Putting on make-up that didn't exist. I remember him trying to kiss me, and puling away from him.

I was twelve at the time.

It is also the event that lead me to believe that I was a little bit insane. I knew that I didn't have a vanity in my room. I knew that the yellow comforter with the lace frill had never been on my bed. But I clearly remembered them from the whole "date event". Brian was my best friend, and I couldn't ever see him asking me on a date. He is girl crazy. And like I said before, I'm a boy. Sure, I'm a bit small for my age, but that is normal for someone in my condition.

I just took a moment to read back over what I've written, and man, I'm so wordy here. I'm telling the story. Let's get in a little show, shall we? (Mrs. Henderson would be proud)
---
Jamie opened his eyes.

That's me, James Patrice. Everyone called me Jamie til my 9th birthday. After that most people switched to Jim. Damn you Jamie Summers, I really liked Jamie as a boys name. Sure, it was re-runs but the teasing at school made the name unbearable. Also, you may notice that I tend to talk about myself in the third person in flashbacks. Get over it ;)

He had gone to bed excited for today to come. He couldn't now remember why. He lay in bed on his Transformers sheets looking at the model of the Millennium Falcon he had suspended from the ceiling with fishing line. The Tie Fighter had fallen to the floor again, and luckily, this time, it didn't break.

Then he remembered. Today was his first outing with the Cub Scouts. They were going to a BMX rally and would even be allowed to try some of the tricks. He jumped out of bed and threw on his blue Cub Scout shirt with a pair of jeans. He didn't have any of the rank badges like the other boys yet, but he'd only been eight for a week. He had finished all of the requirements for his Bobcat badge and his dad said he would be there to "Turn Him" into a Bobcat at the next Pack Meeting.

He put on his yellow bandanna and raced downstairs to gulp down some breakfast.

"Slow down, Jamie. You're food isn't going anywhere." Jamie's mom, Helen, said to him with a smile.

"But, Mom," Jamie whined, "I don't want to be late."

"No whining, Jamie. You still have time before they get here."

Jamie moderated his pace just a little, but patience hadn't ever been his strong suit. He had to wait a long time after breakfast for the Den Mother and the rest of his Den to show up so they could head out.

In reality it was probably only about 10 or 20 minutes, but an eight year old never really pays attention to time. It doesn't mean anything to him yet. Especially in this simpler time without the internet, widespread games systems, or cell phones.

They finally arrived and he rushed out the door to the waiting station wagon.

For all the youth who aren't yet bored to tears with my ramblings, a station wagon is like an SUV. . .actually, it is more like a limo. Only not as glamorous.

He climbed into the back of the station wagon through the rear door.

You know, like a hatch back. You know what? How bout this: http://www.google.com/images?q=plymoth%20station%20wagon&oe=.... That will give you an idea. Having not had it until recently, I often forget about the internet.

The boys joked around while they traveled out of town to the race track. BMX was big at that time. Especially Freestyle. Jamie loved watching the flips and jumps of the bicycles.

There were some competitions running when they got there, so the boys rushed over to the fence to see older teens compete.

"Look at that!" Jamie yelled as one after another the racers did a flip on the ramp right in front of them. He watched how they pulled back on the handle bars at the last instant, and went mostly rigid while in the air. "I could do that," Jamie whispered to himself. His best friend Brian heard him whisper.

After a couple of runs, and some more jumps, flips and twists, Mrs. Lewiston led them over to a fenced in area.

"Hi, guys. My name's Brad."

"You're Brad Davis!" Jamie enthused.

"Yes, I am. Three time cup winner. Let's get you checked out on these bikes and let you try a few jumps. The main thing to remember about jumping bikes is that whatever you start doing before you leave the ground continues after you leave it. Try and be straight up and down. Just let the jump happen and you should all be good."

Jamie knew instantly that what he had been thinking had been right. You start the flip before you leave the ground. It starts on the ramp. "It's so easy," Jamie whispered again.

"Bet you can't do a flip," Brian said almost casually to Jamie.

"I can so." Jamie replied. Jamie was the youngest of the scouts and always felt that he needed to prove himself.

"Ok, then, do it." Brian said with a little smile.

"Ok, then I will."

Jamie rode up the highest hill, since he thought he would need some speed. He pedaled down the hill as fast as he could. As soon as he pulled back on the handle bars at the top of the ramp, Jamie knew that everything was going to work perfectly. The earth whirled around him. He saw the sky, followed by the hill, then the ramp, still going, and he saw the landing point. Everything was perfect and he let out a little whoop. His feet slipped off the pedals as he landed on the ground. He crashed into the metal crossbar of the bike. He felt something break as he tumbled to the ground. He vomited his breakfast on the mud before passing out.

Jamie awoke in the hospital.
---
Mrs. Henderson, my creative writing teaching in junior high always told me that it was better to show a story, that to tell it. Sometimes, I think, a little bit of tell goes a long way. Especially when I am trying to introduce you to my life.

I had landed on the cross bar hard enough to break my pelvis. Everything between the cross bar and my pelvis was crushed. They reconstructed my penis, but there are things that can't be reconstructed with simple plastic surgery. That's right. I produce no testosterone. I'm 14 and I am never going to grow a beard, bulk up, or anything else a normal boy my age will do. Well not without hormone shots. And I'm not even sure those are the shots I want.

I blame my shrink.

After the accident, my parents got me together with a child psychologist.

Ok, this is another reason that my family and I don't get along. I hate my Psychologist. I prefer his wife Mary. She's also a psychologist, but I see her as a friend. My Shrink (I never acknowledge his name. He gets frustrated with me.) isn't my friend. He is paid by my parents, and tries his best to get me to agree with them. He wants me to be a boy. I'm not so sure who I am.

I've told Mary about my false memories. Even about the date with Brian. I told her about how it made me feel. About my anticipation for the event, and disappointment when he didn't treat me like a lady.

I told my Shrink about my fifth birthday party and the dress. He calls it a fantasy. That was the last time I told him about one of my false memories.

Judy and I usually speak over the phone. I asked her once what she tells her husband. She said she considers me her patient, even if no one is paying her directly. After the accident, I dropped out of the scouts. I had only really done it to please my dad. I spent a month in the hospital as they tried to piece my groin back together. That was when I first started to write.
---
Jamie sat looking out the window. He couldn't move his body because of the heavy plaster cast that immobilized him from the waist to the knee. One of the nurses came in and saw him.

"Cheer up, Jamie. I'm sure it isn't all that bad."

"I'm stuck in here, and they moved the last kid off the ward this morning. I'm alone in here."

"Well, why not write or draw about your life?" She produced a pad of paper and a pencil.

"Ok," Jamie said, not sure if this was something he wanted to do. He started to write. Not about himself, but about a kid named Jodi. Jodi's life was nothing like Jamie's. Jodi had really been given the dress on his fifth birthday. Jodi had gone to parties, and had lots of friends. He was popular at school. Jodi never landed in the hospital. Jodi never had to sit around for days with nothing to do.

Jamie wrote for hours and cried as he thought about what his life could have been, if only he'd been Jodi instead.

Jamie stopped crying as he began to think. Maybe he couldn't be Jodi, but he could at least write about him. Jamie made it a bit of a Science Fiction story. Jodi was born in 1995 just like Jamie was, but there was something called The Web that connected peoples TVs together. They carried around personal phones and sent "text messages" to each other. They had typewriters connected to the TVs so that they could type messages there as well.

It was about 6pm when the nurse returned. "So, what have you written for us?" She asked me as she came in.

Jamie turned the pages over. Suddenly he wasn't so sure about all of this. He liked his story about Jodi, but he was afraid that anyone who read it would know that it was about him.

"Look, Jamie, It's all right. My name is Mary Keller. I council kids who have been through tough situations. My husband was hired by your parents to help you, but he couldn't come today."

Jamie looked at the woman who he had thought was a nurse. She had seemed so nice, she just had to be a nurse. She reminded him of his mom.

"Ok, but I only want you to see it."

"I have to tell my husband, Frank, something about this, as he is your councilor."

"Can't you be my councilor?"

"Oh, Honey. You'll like my husband. He is really a nice man. So, let's take a look at what you've written."

Jamie reluctantly handed over the pad of paper. He watched as Mary read his story. He knew that she would know, that he wished his life were like Jodi's. He just hoped that it would be alright.

"Well, Jamie, you certainly have a good imagination. Some of these devices you describe almost sound magical."

"Yeah, Jodi really gets to have a lot of fun."

"Don't you get to have a lot of fun?"

"Jodi is popular and has a lot of friends. My only friend is Brian. Sure, we play a lot together, but Brian has other friends that don't like me very much."

"Why don't they like you, Jamie?"

"They think I'm a wimp. They want me to go play sports and camping and all of that. I tried that. Look what happened to me!" Jamie had tears in his eyes as he gestured down at his cast.

"Tell me about Jodi's friends. Aren't they all girls?"

"Yes, but they don't call Jodi a wimp. They like him for who he is. They had tea parties, and dress-up parties. They know Jodi is really a boy, but they don't mind. He even has a pink personal phone. They all have identical phones, and sometimes they get them mixed up, but that's ok because they are all best friends."

"You know Jodi will never be real, right?"

"Jodi isn't real. It's just Jamie. His name is Jamie too."

"His name?"

"The little boy I sometimes remember. I remember getting the dress for my fifth birthday, and going to Susan's party in it. I remember the China doll that I got that Christmas, along with a cloth doll. I liked the China doll better because she had brown hair just like mine, even if mom told me I couldn't play with her. She was a doll for looking at, not for playing with."

"Do you have other memories like this?" Mary asked. She had a weird look on her face.

"I have lots of memories like this. Most of them are in the Jodi story. I know they can't be real because there isn't really a Web connecting TVs and there aren't phones you can take anywhere. I used to get confused, though. I thought my mom stole that dress. It really stuck with me. I wondered how she could be so cruel. I later realized that it wasn't a real memory. I started calling them false memories. Sometimes it feels like I am living two lives. One in the real world, and one with False Jamie."

Mary seemed to come to a decision. "Ok, Jamie. We'll keep the stories just between us. I would like you to keep writing them for me. Even if they aren't real, they let me see a bit of you that you aren't comfortable showing any other way. Can you do that for me?"

Jamie smiled. "Sure. I really like you, Mary. You're neat."
---
I didn't stop writing about Jodi. Mary was a bit surprised last year when Jodi went on a date with my best friend Brian. I told her that False Jamie's life had started becoming more and more different from mine. When we were both eight, there wasn't much of a difference. He had friends. I had Brian. As both of us grew older, our early divergence lead to a greater and greater difference in our lives. I think that is when Mary realized I wasn't making False Jamie up.

I didn't realize til recently.

Jodi wasn't my only character that I wrote about. I mostly wrote fairy tales. Princesses being saved by handsome princes. Princes being saved by beautiful princesses (I was an equal opportunity author). Sometimes, they saved each other.

Last week, my Dad read my journal.

Mary had asked me to keep a journal of my thoughts and feelings. She didn't ever need to see it. I just needed to write to sort everything out in my head. She did this the day after my ninth birthday. Everyone was calling me Jim at this point, but I decided I would still sign my journal Jamie, to keep me closer to the False Memories that I really wanted to be true.

I walked into my room to see my dad on the light blue bedspread that had replaced my transformers years ago.

"Dad?"

"What in the heck is THIS," my dad bellowed at me as he looked up from his reading.

"That is private Dad!"

"Is this your diary, you little girl?"

"It's my Journal, Dad."

"My little pansy boy, writing about his feelings, in his little diary!"

"Dad, give me my Journal. You had no right." I was starting to cry.

"No right? I'm your father, damn it. You will respect me."

"Respect you? You don't know the meaning of respect. Mary respects me as a person. You see me as someone who can live out your lost fantasies."

My father hit me. "How DARE you, you little pussy." He threw my journal at me, and it opened up my cheek under my eye. I picked up my Journal and walked out of my house. Blood dripped onto my shoulder. I had stopped crying before I left the house. That man would never make me cry again.

I walked up to the woods behind our house. Suddenly I could see both the forest around me, and one that was just slightly different. In one of them, I was crying. I could feel my skirt swish around my legs as I hugged myself. The Trees were in all the wrong places. My view passed through the tree in front of me. I closed my eyes and could still see.

The hill looked the same. I tried to keep as close to the other perspective as I could. Brian jumped out from behind a tree. He looked angry.

"There you are, you little fag. Did you actually think you could run away from me after telling me your little secret?"

"What are you talking about." I said before realizing that this was the False Brian that False Jamie had been on a date with.

"I never meant to hurt you, Brian. I really want to be your girlfriend."

"How can you be my girlfriend when you're not even a girl! We can fix that here and now." There was a large kitchen knife in Brian's hand. He stabbed False Jamie in the groin. I could feel her die. I felt what she felt, but I had the clarity of mind she didn't. I knew that my best friend had just killed another person. He had just killed me.

I don't know what happened next, or even how it happened. One moment I was in my world (or Earth₁ as I think of it) and the next I was in her world (Earth₂).

The air smelled subtly different. It was a little dirtier. It clung to my throat a bit. It was also quite a bit colder. No wonder False Jamie had been hugging herself for warmth. Oh no, False Jamie. I turned to where I knew her body would be. Brian was still standing over her with the knife.

My dad, upon learning I would no longer be attending scouts enrolled me in a karate class. It was a small school run by someone called Billy B. No one I knew back in Earth₁ had ever heard of him, and every one in Earth₂ is crazy enough to think he only does aerobics. It was a mixture of Judo, wrestling, and kick boxing that he taught us. I have a black belt that he personally awarded me.

I stepped behind Brian and twisted his right arm out and away from his body, the whole time putting pressure on the nerve point in his wrist. I slipped my left arm around his throat and after he dropped the knife I kicked his legs out from under him so I could get a better grip on his throat. After a slow 30 count, I dropped his now unconscious body to the ground. I checked his pulse and breathing and then hog tied him using Jamie's belt. I searched through Jamie's purse for her personal phone and dialed 101. When a voice came on telling me that there was no such number, I remembered that 911 was the emergency number here, and they used something silly like S.O.S. for the international emergency code. How silly is that.

I dialed 911 and told the woman who answered the phone what had happened.

I sat down to wait for the police. I heard my dad calling for me. Wait, he was calling for Jamie. And she was dead. That is when I heard the first police sirens.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 2:
How I realized I was special

I looked over my last post and realized I needed to clarify a couple of things. Any of your who is reading this is in what I call Earth₂. I was born in Earth₁ or Earth Prime. Sure, I understand that it is a little ego centric of me, but I'm the one who can shift dimensions. More on that later.

I looked at the poor crumpled body on the ground. I could hardly believe that she had been as alive and vibrant as I myself was. Could hardly believe that she was me. It was the weirdest sensation I have ever had. I was looking down at myself. She was cute. I'm not sure if she would have ever been more than that. Her hair was pretty, and she looked good in the clothing she was wearing. I heard her father again and knew I had to be gone, but there wasn't anywhere to hide. Looking down the way I had come, there was a slight shimmer in the air.

As I approached the sparkling outline, I realized it was vaguely Jamie shaped. I walked through it, feeling a tingle. When I turned around, the shimmer was there, but False Jamie and Brian weren't. I almost ran down the back of the hill. I needed to speak to someone now, and I didn't have access to my phone anymore.

I walked to Mary's house. She lived a few miles from my house, and it only took me about four hours to get there, since I was sticking to the back ways and alleys. I knocked on Mary's door, and my Shrink answered.

"Jamie. . .what are you doing here? Is that blood on your face?"

"I need to speak to Mary, please."

"Ok, I'll let you speak to Mary, but there's something I think that the three of us should discuss after you've had your say."

He showed me into the living room, and then went to get his wife. I looked at the clock on the wall. That's when I realized how long it had taken me to get there. It was after midnight.

Mary came in, tying the sash on her dressing gown. "Are you all right, Jamie?" She was the only one who still called me Jamie. "Whose blood is that? I know all of that didn't come from your face."

It was the first time that I had looked down at myself. The knees of my jeans were covered in her blood. They were covered in my blood.

"Its False Jamie's. Brian killed her tonight. Before I saw the blood I thought that I might be going crazy. I saw myself dead, dressed as a girl."

"Frank, I was right. There were two of them."

"Were?" My shrink said as he came in. "The other Jamie is dead?"

"You talked to him about me? You promised!"

Mary came and sat down beside me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Jamie, honey, let me explain. My husband and I have a unique practice. I know that you feel betrayed right now, but we both have been working for you. My husband will tell you what your parents want you to hear. I just listen to what you have to say. We don't do this with many of our clients. Just the ones who we fear might have really difficult times with their parent's desires for them."

"What do you mean?"

Frank sat down in the chair across from the couch. "Your parents felt that you needed help growing up as a boy without the natural physical growth that you would normally expect to have. That is mainly what I do: Help children better understand their gender roles in today's society. No matter where that takes them. Usually, the parents and children are in agreement over where that should lead. Sometimes, rarely, they disagree. When that happens, the one of us the child is least comfortable with tells the child the parents version of things, and the other runs normal therapy sessions with the child."

I felt a little uncomfortable being called a child, even indirectly. After all, I'm thirteen. Everyone knows that teenagers aren't children. That aside, I was suddenly worried about Mary. "Isn't all of this Illegal?"

Mary smiled at me. "No, it isn't even unethical. We are both your councilors. While you and Frank may talk about what your parents want to talk about, it is still your counseling session. We are both here to help you."

Without realizing it, I had begun to calm down. Talking about this seemingly inconsequential thing, at least when related to the knowledge that False Jamie had been killed. I need to change that. Let's call her Jamie₂. Then something struck me. "You didn't need to tell me this. You could have continued with the act."

Mary looked at her husband Frank. He cleared his throat before speaking. "We thought that your father had attacked you."

I realized then that I hadn't told them everything that had gone on this evening. So I told them about fighting with my father, I would never call him dad again, and how he hit me and threw my journal at me and cut my cheek open. I told them how I ran into the woods behind our house, and how I started to see the world through Jamie₂'s eyes. I told them how Brian₂ had leaped from behind a tree with a knife. I told them how I had tied him up and called the police.

It was at this point that Frank went to the phone and dialed 101. He told the police his name and that he had another runaway at his house. He told them my father had attacked me and I had run for my life. I started to realize the type of person that Frank really was, and felt sorry for how I had always called him my shrink, if I even referred to him at all. They left me there in their living room as they went out front to wait for the police. I lay down on the couch and fell quickly asleep.

Something began nagging at me while I was asleep. Something was bothering my dreams. I woke up as it hit my conscious mind. My journal was still lying out there in the woods. Frank and an officer were just walking into the room. I had always wondered why police wore yellow, when blue seems to be a much more soothing color. Jamie₂'s police wore blue which I always thought to be a much more suitable color. His name plate said Paxton.

"How are you doing young man?"

'Young man? Can't he see I'm a girl? I'm wearing a skirt after all.'

I was startled for a moment. 'Where did that thought come from. I'm wearing pants.'

"I'm doing fine, officer. A little tired."

"Well, we'll have you home in a jiff then."

I cowered into the couch at his mention of taking me home. "Please, no. I don't want to go back there. He'll kill me."

"Who are you afraid of, Son?"

"My father hit me, and threw a book at me"

"Where did he hit you?"

"Right here." With that I pulled my sweater up and let the officer see my stomach and lower ribs. Frank gasped a little. I looked down at myself and saw why. A large bruise had already formed on my left side. It seemed bigger than my father's fist could possibly be, but I keep forgetting how small I really am.

The officer talked into the radio mic on his shoulder. "I need the forensic photographer in here to get a full spectrum collection." At the time I had no idea what a full spectrum collection was. CSI doesn't exist in Earth₁. We may be less advanced than you Earth₂ers in a lot of things, but at least we never invented procedurals or reality TV. . .at least not yet.

A female detective came in with the biggest camera I had ever seen. Ok, so I have seen video cameras that are bigger, but this obviously wasn't a video camera. She had to hold it in two hands to keep it steady. She started taking pictures of my chest area.

'They'll see my bra'. This time I noticed there was a different, well, flavor from my own thoughts. For a moment, the hand holding up my sweater twitched as if to cover my pecs, but I quickly regained control. After the police left I would have to talk to Mary, and Frank, about this.

At first the flash was just white, but then it started flashing in a number of other colors, and sometimes it didn't seem to flash at all when I heard the double CLACK of the shutter.

"So, where is the book he threw at you," asked the officer when the woman with the camera left.

"My Journal," I exclaimed. "Frank, I left it in the woods. I need to go over and get it." I hoped that Frank would get the message that I left it in Earth₂ but we would see.

"It would be a good idea to go and retrieve it, but I think that can wait til morning." said the officer. He handed me an auto-dialer card. "The number is also printed on the strip. Call me if you need anything."

An auto-dialer card is a business card with a magnetic ink strip on the back. The strip has been encoded with a telephone number so that any of the newer phones that have card readers can automatically connect you to the number on the phone. A lot easier way to connect you to someone you don't know very well. See, we have a few things that you Earth₂ers never thought of.

"Frank, we'll send child care division over tomorrow morning. You both can take care of him until then."

"Thanks, Richard. Sorry that this one was so late."

"Not to worry. It's my job, and I really like my job."

I smiled at this. I looked at my knees wondering why they hadn't asked me about the blood stains there, and realized that someone had been in to clean that up while I was asleep. There was still a slight discoloration but nothing particularly noticeable. When I looked back up the officer had already left.

I heard a ringing coming from my pocket. 'Who could be calling me at this hour' the not-me thought. That reminded me that I still had Jamie₂'s phone. Wait, her phone was ringing?

I opened up the phone and said "Hello?"

"I'm officer Richard Paxton. May I ask who I'm speaking with please?" There was a lot of static on the line, but I figured that must be normal for talking to another world.

"My name is Jamie." I'm not sure what, or who, possessed me to use that variation on my name, but I heard a gasp on the other end of the line.

"Jamie, where are you? They told us you were dead. Your Dad said he saw you covered in blood."

Crap. It was my, I mean Jamie₂'s Mom. What was I going to do? I thought for a moment and then replied, "I'm so sorry, Mom. I am dead. Brian killed me. He found out that I wasn't physically a girl. I love you Mommy."

'Mommy? What's going on here. I don't call my Mom Mommy'

'I do, so get over it.'

I didn't have time, yet, to figure out what was going on, but I would have to deal with this soon.

"I love you too, darling." Her Mom was crying. I sat there myself, thinking about how cruel a world can be where someone just trying to live their life is killed just for who they are.

"I have to go." I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I hung up. I turned off the phone so I wouldn't get any more uncomfortable calls.

I looked at my hand. How did I know how to turn off this phone. I had never gotten the details of Jamie₂'s life. It was all memory. I don't know about the rest of you, but my memories seem to be more symbolic than technical. I let my conscious mind interpret the images, so I can see that this object is a car, and that one a person and so on. The memories themselves, however, are just the five senses of the moment. Well, minus feel, since I can't ever seem to accurately remember that.

'I helped you, silly.'

'Jamie? How are you in my head?'

'Good question, Jimbo.'

'Um, could you please not call me that?'

'How 'bout Jimbob?'

'No.'

'Jimbalaya?'

'NO!' Have you ever realized how hard it is to yell at a voice in your head? Give it a try sometime. Without lungs and diaphragm, making something louder is a real headache, literally.

'I can't very well call you Jamie, even if that is what you call yourself.'

'I am Jamie₁ and you are Jamie₂."

'Why can't I be Jamie₁'

'Cause we are in my body'

'You've got a point there.'

"Jamie, are you alright?" Mary had come into the room and was looking at me with a worried expression on her face.

"Sorry, I'm just talking with Jamie₂. It seems she hitched a ride or something."

"Can I speak to Jamie 2." I snorted at this. How come other people can't get the subtle difference between Jamie 2 and Jamie₂. Oh well.

"I'll see what I can do," I said and then thought, 'Ok, you take care of my body. I'm letting you into the pilot's seat.'

It was the strangest sensation I have ever felt. She changed posture, more demurely crossed her legs, and put her hands into her lap.

"You remind me of my Mary. Which I guess Jamie₁ would call Mary₂."

"Unless you have spontaneously exhibited Multiple Personality Disorder, I think I am speaking to Jamie 2, is that right?"

"Jamie₁ says that it is Jamie₂ not Jamie 2, but yes, you are."

"Okay, then, Jamie₂. Can you tell me how you got here?"

"I'm not exactly sure myself. I saw Brian, I mean Brian₂ jump out. He yelled at me, and then I felt the knife go in and grind against the bone. I watched him grow taller all of the sudden and wondered how it was happening. I left my body. And then watched as another me come out of nowhere and tackle Brian₂."

'I didn't tackle Brian₂. I did a reverse arm lock and disarm, followed by a half nelson and a leg sweep. Or did the half nelson happen first. . .'

"Jamie₁ wants me to clarify that he did some jiujitsu-thingamy and didn't tackle Brian₂," Jamie₂ said with a giggle.

I fumed silently in my head as Jamie₂ went on. I don't giggle.

"I saw him rummage around for my phone, and knew what he was going to try to do. I wanted to help him, but he wouldn't listen to me. I reached out to take the phone from him. At the moment that I touched his hand I was sucked in. I have been trying to figure out how to communicate since then. I could barely get through to him how to open and make a call before fading the first time. When I saw him dial 101 instead of 911 I made an extra effort. It took a lot out of me and I wasn't aware of anything until after the police came."

Mary sat there a little shocked. A somewhat effeminate boy had gone from 0-Girl in .10 seconds. Then the fact that this seemed to be a possession of someone by their own ghost. "I'm only a psychologist, not a parapsychologist, but even I can see that this probably isn't healthy for two people to inhabit the same body."

I took over at this point. "I don't think that Jamie₂ would be happy in our afterlife, and I should probably go back over there so she can get on with it. I need my Journal anyway."

"Ok, we can do that tomorrow."

I didn't want to do it tomorrow. I think that Mary saw my disappointment.

"Ok, I can take you tonight."

She went into her room to change into something more appropriate than a dressing gown to go into the woods at night. She drove us in her car and we walked up to the crest of the hill. It took a lot less than four hours this time.

"Is the shimmer still here, Jamie, because I can't see it."

"Yep, it's right over there." I took her hand and pulled her over to it.

She put her hands forward and waved in the air blindly. Her right hand intercepted the portal and she jerked her hand away. "I just got an electric shock. I can't see anything there, but I can certainly feel it."

"I will hop over and let Jamie₂ off then I will be right back."

It seems that Jamie₂ had completely different ideas of how this was going to work. The woods had changed since the last time I was here. There was police tape around the top of the hill, and the grass outside of the tape had been trampled flat in places. Although it had been a little warm for it on Earth₁, I was happy for my sweater now.

'Ok, Jamie₂, get going. I want to go back home.'

'And I want to say goodbye to Daddy.'

'WHAT!?!' This gave me a bigger headache than last time. I could even feel Jamie₂ cringe away from the noise. 'I don't want to even see him again, let alone say good bye'

'My Daddy never hit you, and certainly didn't throw your precious journal at you.'

My journal! I ran over to the tape and looked around the crime scene. Even in the scant light of the moon I could tell that my journal wasn't there. Did I mention that the cover is white? No? Well, the cover is white so it would be easily visibly against the dark underbrush.

"Where is it?" I said getting frantic. I looked all over the hill it wasn't here. The police must have taken it. How was I going to get it back now?

'I want to Say GOOD-bye TO MY DADDY!!!!!'

I put my hands to my head. If I thought I got a headache when I yelled at her, it was only a shadow compared to the one that Jamie₂ just gave me. 'Geeze, Ok. We'll go say goodbye to your Daddy.'

I could feel Jamie₂ jumping up and down and clapping. How did I get myself into this.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 3:
How I get myself into these things

I wasn't going to just go off and leave Mary₁ hanging. So, I hurried back through the portal. Once more the familiar tingling sensation took me and the air was warmer than it had been just a moment before.

"Mary, Jamie₂ has decided she has unfinished business with her father. She won't leave me until we have gone and said goodbye."

Jamie₂ was happy. Her happiness was almost infectious. I felt really sorry that she was dead.

'Jamie₁, don't feel sad for me. I lived my life how I wanted to. I know that I missed out on the might have beens of the future, but at least you are alive to carry on for us.'

'I'm not a girl.'

'No, you are a Jamie. Whatever you decide for your life, it should be wonderful.'

I cried a bit, and was amazed at Mary's patience. "We have been standing here for a bit, Mary, weren't you going to say something?"

Mary chuckled a bit and smiled. "I could tell you were talking with Jamie₂, and didn't want to interrupt."

"Thank you, Mary."

"I think the two of us should head back to my house for a couple of hours. We need to meet with child care division, and they can temporarily place you in Frank's and my care. Then you'll have time to take Jamie₂ to go say goodbye."

'Yay' and she was off again with the jumping and hand clapping.

'When I become a girl, I'm not going to be this giddy.' I stopped, shocked by what I had just thought. I hadn't realized I had made a decision about my life before that moment. Mary had told me about other options to Testosterone injections when I told her about Jamie₂'s date with Brian. It had taken me a year to realize, but this is what I wanted. I knew it when Jamie₂ received her dress eight years ago. Sure, it was her memory of receiving the dress, but it was my sense of loss when I realized I hadn't received it.

"Mary, I'm ready to start my life as a girl."

"Where did this come from, Jamie? This isn't because of Jamie₂ is it?"

"She just helped me to realize the decision I'd already made."

"Well, let's get you home and we can talk about this after you get back from saying goodbye to Jamie₂'s Dad."
We went to the car, and I climbed into the passenger seat. I thought about everything that had happened to me over the past day. A short ride later and we arrived at Mary's home. She showed me the room they kept for runaways, and I stripped to my underwear and lay down in bed.

'How can you just leave your clothing on the floor? It's messy.'

'Jamie₂, I'm trying to go to sleep.'

'Yeah, but. . .'

'No buts. We can clean it up tomorrow.'

'Jamie₁. . .'

'Go to sleep!'

'Fine.'

I could tell she was sulking, but I was too tired to care. I woke up when my face hit the floor.

'JAMIE₂! What did you do!' The headache was less this time. Guess I was just exercising some "muscles" I hadn't used before.

She was crying quietly in my head. 'I can't sleep anymore, so I decided to try to get the body up and clean up the room for you. It was a lot harder than when you let me talk to Mary₁. It was like I was walking in cement, or something. I ran out of energy about the time we got out of bed and collapsed on the floor. I'm sorry, I was just trying to do something nice for you.'

I thought her a hug and picked myself up off the floor. 'I'll let you take over from me, but make sure I'm asleep before you get us out of bed, ok?'

I could feel Jamie₂ smiling through her tears. 'Ok'

I let go of control of my body, and fell asleep faster than I ever had in the past. My dreams were garbled and tied up with being a twin, and my father being a monster.

'Jamie₁, you need to get up. The child care officer is here.' Waking up with your eyes already open is a really weird sensation. 'Her name is Anne.'

'Thanks.' I replied to Jamie₂ and focused on the officer in front of me.

"Are you ok, Jamie?" Mary asked.

"Yeah, I was in a meditative trance until just a moment ago."

"You were walking about in a meditative trance?" Anne said as she looked at me a little funny.

"Yeah, it's kind of like sleep walking."

Mary looked sharply at me. I knew she didn't approve of me lying to the officer, but I doubted the truth would help, or even be believed.

"So, why are you here, Jim?"

"I prefer Jamie, or do you like total strangers calling you Annie?

"I didn't mean anything by it, Jamie, I was talking to your parents before coming to talk to you, and they call you Jim. So, Jamie, why did you come to Mary and Frank's house?"

" I ran away from home. I was tired of my father hitting me. This time he threw my journal at me and cut my face."
"Did you have someone look at that?"

"I don't think it was that deep, and there were other things bothering me."

"Like what?"

Before I could respond, Mary interrupted me. "Tell her the truth this time, Jamie."

"I went up the hill behind our house and witnessed a murder, only it was in a different reality. The murdered person was the me from that world, and her ghost is inhabiting my body. She was in control while I was asleep."

Anne blinked a couple of times, started to say something, stopped, blinked again, and then finally found her voice. "Is this true, Mary?"

"As true as I can tell without a different degree."

Anne chuckled at this. "What degree would that be?"

"Parapsychology."

Anne's mouth made an 'oh' of surprise.

"You mean. . ."

"Can we talk to Jamie₂ please?" Mary said as she looked at me.

'It's your show, Jamie₂'

Jamie₂ smoothed out her clothing, and sat up straighter. She put her knees together and sat closer to the front of the couch. "Hi, Anne. I met you at the door, remember?"

'It always used to be a little uncomfortable sitting this way.' Jamie₂ said to me at the same time.

'I have no testes.'

'I would have given almost anything for that.'

"Yes, I thought that you changed a bit when you sat down, but I couldn't really put my finger on how. Now I see. "

"Pleased to meet you, as myself I mean." Jamie said with a demure little smile.

"What do I call you?"

"Jamie₂ or just Jamie if you prefer."

"Jamie 2?"

"Jamie₂ but that's close enough."

Anne talked to the two of us for about half an hour. I forget most of the particulars, but mostly she was asking me about my parents, and about times that my father had hit me. We talked about Mary and Frank and what I thought about them, after asking Mary to leave the room of course.

"Could you come back in here, Mary?"

Mary came back into the room.

"I think it would be best if both of them stay with you for the time being." Anne said with a smile.

"Really?" l asked with a little grin.

"Yes, really."

I did a little jig there in the living room while Mary and Anne laughed.

"I'll be here to check up on you in a weeks' time, and will assess what we are going to do at that point."

"Did you hear that, Mary. I get to stay here."

I was so elated that I didn't have to go back to my parents house that I didn't even notice Anne leaving.
"So, are you rested enough to go back to Earth₂ to say goodbye to Jamie₂'s Dad?"

'Yes please.' Jamie₂ said in my head.

"It would seem so. Jamie₂ definitely is." This time I was dancing and clapping with Jamie₂ in my head. I could suddenly see the appeal. Sure, we were happy about different things right now, but the happiness was something we shared.

Mary and I went out to the car, after Mary told Frank where we were going. We made the drive out to the hill once again.

"Mary, before I forget." I took Jamie₂'s phone out of my pocket. "If this rings, just open it up. The ear piece is where the picture is, and the mic is below the keypad. I will let you know if something comes up, and when to come to pick me up."

"Be careful over there, Jamie. We don't know what crossing over takes out of you, so I need you to pay attention to what your body is telling you. Make sure that your well rested before you try to come back again."

"Yes, Mary."

I stepped through the opening in the air and again found myself on Earth2. I suddenly felt very weak and tumbled to the ground. 'Help me, Jamie₂' I said when I realized I couldn't lift myself back up again.

'I'm trying. I can't take control.'

'You have all the control you need.'

I was barely aware when Jamie₂ stood us up and started running down the hill. I felt myself slipping out of consciousness and tried to hold on. Jamie₂ ran into her house and found her Mom. 'Mommy, Jamie₁ is hurt and I can't help him.' I'm not sure who fainted first. Me or Jamie's mom.
---
I woke up in my room. Ok, it wasn't my room, it was her room. I was underneath the yellow comforter and looking at the China doll on the shelf. She was dusty and looked like Jamie hadn't thought much about her in a while.

'That old thing? I never really wanted her in the first place. I liked the cloth doll better.'

I was shaken a bit. Had I misunderstood how this memory sharing worked all along? Did I get the raw feed, so to speak, and then simply applied my own values to them?

'It would seem so, Sis.'

'You calling me Sis now, Jamie₂'

'It's less of a mouthful'

'You don't have a mouth anymore, girl'

'You know what I mean.'

'Ok, I can live with Sis.' Jamie₂ knew the little thrill I had gotten when she called me that. 'So, to keep us straight, what would you like me to call you?'

'Well, it would be a little more special if you came up with it yourself.'

'How 'bout Metoo'

'That's almost as bad as Jimbalaya.' She thought as she mentally stuck her tongue at me.

'Nothing's as bad as Jimbalaya.' I agreed with her. 'Jams?'

'I like it. How are you feeling, Sis.'

'Better now.' I say. Why aren't you moving us about while I sleep.

She began to cry. 'Because it's all my fault that you collapsed. I could feel your energy reserves going down while you slept last time, but it was so much like I was the only one there, that I was alive again, that I couldn't stop. I needed to feel alive again.'

I couldn't imagine anything I could do to comfort her, I couldn't think of anything that would make her feel better. Then a thought came to me. 'Jams?'

'Yeah, Sis?'

'Maybe you could sleep if I let you into my dreams, like I let you take control of my body?'

I felt her perk up, and knew she would be beaming a smile if she still could. 'Let's try it,' she said with enthusiasm.
I still felt tired, so I rolled onto my side and let my mind drift as I fell asleep. I kept thinking over and over that I wanted Jamie₂ to be a part of it. I'm not sure what I had been dreaming about before that moment, but there was a moment when my conscious mind reminded my unconscious one that Jamie₂ should be there, and suddenly she was.

"It worked, Sis. I'm here!" She danced a little jig and I giggled.

I put my hand over my mouth. "Did that just come out of me?" Something felt wrong about my hand and I looked at it. My nails were a bit longer than normal, and perfectly shaped. There was an iridescent polish on them that seemed to change all the colors of the rainbow as the angle changed. "Oh, wow. Look at my hands."

"Look at your hands? Look at the rest of you?"

I was wearing a ball gown. It's color matched my nail polish, but it seemed a bit toned down, as if it only reflected pastels, and not the whole spectrum. I was wearing flats underneath it that shimmered like diamonds.

"Let's go find this dance you were dreaming about," Jamie₂ said. She closed her eyes for a moment, and was in a dress similar in pattern, but a pale yellow in color. She grabbed my hand and we ran off in search of adventure.
This dream turned out to be one of my Princess saves handsome Prince tales, and Jamie₂ and I had a blast trying to make it come out alright. I don't remember all of the dreams I had that night, but I do remember that Jamie₂ was there with me in all of them.

I awoke feeling rested, with a smiling Jamie₂ sitting in a corner of my mind. 'I didn't stay in the entire time, because some of your dreams are really weird,' she thought, with a grimace on her face, 'but after you showed me the way in, I think I can get in there anytime I get bored.'

I smiled at this. I knew that this entire situation was really tough on the both of us, but if I could make it easier in the least bit it made me happy. I squealed at this thought. 'You're contagious, you know that?'

'Which one of us was wearing the Rainbow Ball Gown when I showed up.'

I blushed because we both knew who she was talking about.

She giggled. I couldn't help it and I joined in with her.

'Come on, Sis. Let's get dressed in something more becoming.'

I felt a little scared, but I felt exited at the same time. I had never dressed like a girl before. This would be my first opportunity. We discovered that Jamie₂ was couple of inches taller than me, and a bit bigger in the waist, but it was close enough that it could have been picked out just for me. We picked a knee length skirt and a tee shirt.

'Are you sure?' I asked her, looking at the skirt and shirt. 'They're girls clothing.'

'Of course they are. But they're also my clothes. No one will think anything about it, Sis.'

My heart beat faster as I slipped into her clothing. It was both fear and excitement that drove me forward. I was finally doing this. Sure, It wasn't anything like that little party dress I remember from so long ago, but it was a skirt.

I had a goofy grin on my face as I zipped up the skirt. I added a belt to the skirt to cinch it in that little bit, and then it was perfect.

'Let's do your makeup'

'Really? Do we have to?'

'Stop whining, Sis. It's unbecoming.' She said this last with a little grin and a giggle.

'Ok, but only because you made me.'

'That's the spirit.'

'If I let you take over, are you going to tire us both out?'

'That only seems to happen when you are asleep.'

So I let her take over. She had obviously had lots of practice. I had let my mind wander as she worked, thinking about the steps that had brought me here, when I felt her frown.

"It's not fair."

I looked in the mirror and I was shocked. Sure, I'd never be a beauty queen, but no one would take me for a boy. She had used techniques that I had never heard of, but the end result was subtle and eye catching. I still looked younger than my thirteen years, but now there was a femininity about me that was unmistakable. I probably would have still looked like a girl in the clothing I had worn here. 'It's amazing,' I thought with a look of awe on my face.

'That's why it's not fair. I had longer hair than you, but you just look more like a girl than I do.'

I knew this admission really hurt her, so I gave her a mental hug. 'Next time I have the Arthur dream, you get to be Guinevere, Ok?'

She chuckled sadly at this but responded, 'Ok'

I went downstairs to see her mom. 'What is your last name?' I asked. I had been assuming it was Patrice like mine, but I suddenly realized that I might be wrong. People were close in this reality, but not everything was perfect.

'Patriche, but my Mom went with Bonham-Patriche." She pronounced it like Pat-ree-shay, so that fit with the odd pronunciation for my own last name, Pat-rees. She also got the reason that I had asked.

"I'm sorry if we scared you when we came in, Mrs. Bonham-Patriche"

Jamie₂'s Mom looked up when I came in. Her eyes were a bit puffy, but she gave me a smile. "You make me sound all stuffy. Call me Helen, if you must, but I would prefer Mom."

"You do look a lot like my Mom, but you certainly don't act like her." She looked a bit startled at this, so I continued, "My father beat me, and she did nothing about it. I had to wear lots of sweaters and turtle-necks to hide the bruises."

"I'm so sorry, sweetie. I know that nothing I say can make up for what your Mom did. I just know that if my Andrew ever did anything like that, and I knew about it, I would kick him to the curb in a blink."

"My father's name is Allen, so there at least is a little difference in our worlds. . ."

"Jamie, my Jamie, told me about it after getting me back up. I really don't know what to think about it, but seeing you in her makeup and clothes, I can see that the resemblance is not perfect. You look very nice."

"Your Jamie thinks I look better than she did."

Helen₂ Chuckled. "She was always one to give a complement, where one was due. So, why did the two of you come here? Not that it matters, I loved spending a little more time with my daughter. The trip seems to have taken a lot out of you, however, and I'm worried that it was for something important."

"Jamie₂ wants to say goodbye to her Dad. She thinks then she might be able to move on. It's a little crowded in here with the two of us." Helen₂ grimaced. "I really like your daughter, Helen₂. She's like the sister I never always had. I have been sharing her memories for years. It's just that it is tough to live with two people in a space that was only really designed for one."

"I think I understand what you mean. While I will be really sad to see my daughter leave, you have given me the opportunity to make peace with her passing. It makes it more like a sudden illness than. . .than. . ."

She began to cry, so I walked over and hugged her. "It's okay, Mommy. Jamie₂ isn't gone yet, and I tied up the boy who did this and called the police on him."

"Brian did this?"

"Yes. Didn't the police arrest him?"

"They got there and he said something about being attacked by a maniac with a knife. He says that he tried to fight the assailant off, but he was overpowered and knocked out. By the time he came to, he was tied up and Jamie was dead. I had him here consoling me over the loss of my daughter right after they released him."

'That little bastard was in my house and lying to my Mom?!' Jamie₂ began to sob uncontrollably.

"They're looking for the mystery assailant. Apparently he left behind some sort of journal."

'Ask my Mom why the police told her so much about the case. Don't they usually keep this all a secret?'

I repeated her question to her Mom.

Helen₂ blushed. "Usually they would, but I used to date Richard, I mean Detective Paxton, who is in charge of the case."

I sat back in my seat. Not only did they have my journal, but now they wanted me, and not Brian₂, for Jamie₂'s murder. It just keeps getting better and better. "Helen₂ I think that I need to talk to Detective Paxton again."

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 4:
It was the two armed man

While Helen₂ called Detective Richard on her personal phone. . .

'It's a cell phone.'

'Am I telling this story, or are you, Jams.'

'You are, of course, Sis.'

While Helen₂ was calling Detective Richard on her cell phone, I went into the living room and called Mary₁. There was more static on the line than last time.

"Jamie?"

"It's taking longer than I thought it would." Mary₁ chuckled at this. "You knew this would happen, didn't you?"

"I thought there might be some complications."

"Well, I collapsed after going through the portal, Jamie₂ got us to her house safely, but we slept until the next morning."

"You're ok now?"

"Yes, Mary. Both of us are ok. Oh, yeah, we found out that Jamie₂ can share my dreams with me."

"Ok. . ."

Mary₁ was like that. She would never ask me questions when she wanted me to open up. She would say things like 'ok' and then wait for me to respond. I told her about what happened, and about the police wanting me for questioning. I told her about dressing up, and the makeup. Since I wasn't going to be back for a bit, we talked about my decision to become a girl as well, and what helped me make up my mind.

"Remember that you need to do all of this for yourself. You can't sideline your own desires to make someone else happy."

"This is what I want, Mary. I was surprised when I saw myself in makeup, but it also felt right. It was as if I was seeing myself the way I was meant to be. I really missed my nails when they were gone in the next dream I had."

"Then you should try growing them out a bit. Remember, though, that nails in real life have to be taken care of, and even then they sometimes break."

I giggled a bit at that. "I know that."

"A girl for a whole day, and already an expert. You must be a teenager."

I blushed. "Sorry, Mary. I know you're only trying to help." I looked up and saw Helen₂ standing in the doorway. "Gotta go. I will call you again when I can."

"Take care, Jamie," she said, and I hung up the phone.

"I called Detective Paxton, and asked him to come over."

I felt a little scared at the prospect of talking to the police about what had happened. It must have showed to Helen₂ because she hugged me. My own Mom never hugged me. I began to cry, and hugged her back.

"It's okay, Honey. You don't have to worry about Richard. He's a good man, and a good cop as well."

"But, but, what if they don't believe me."

"Everything will be alright. Trust me on this. We will get you through this."

After I stopped crying, I went back upstairs and watched while Jamie fixed my makeup. It would take some practice, but I didn't think it would be too hard to get the hang of. I had applied stage makeup for some school plays I had been in and a lot of the concepts were the same.

We went downstairs and sat on the couch. I did my best to sit in a ladylike manner while we waited for Detective Paxton.

I don't think the name really dawned on me before he walked into the room. I liked him better in his civilian clothing. I think his shield was the same, though. He stopped dead on the threshold. He took one look at me and put his hand on his gun holster. "Helen, I know who you think this person is, but that's just not the case."

"What are you doing, Richard? I know this isn't my Jamie, but she explained that."

"I heard what you said over the phone, and it's just too much to believe. I need for him to come downtown with me."

"She looks just like Jamie."

"He killed my Jamie."

I felt shocked at this revelation. His Jamie? What's going on here.

'Jams, do you know what he's talking about? You weren't dating him as well, were you.'

'Ewe. He's old. Sure, he's not bad looking, but yuck.'

'I totally agree with you. Of course I wouldn't have ever dated Brian₂..."

'Be nice, Sis.' She said while sticking her tongue

This interchange took only a moment, but I had already missed something. Helen₂ had said something to Detective Paxton, and he was looking embarrassed. Then he nodded at her and she turned toward me.

"What's going on, Helen?" I was really beginning to get worried. She looked so sad.

"Jamie was Richard's daughter."

"Then that means. . ." My world reeled. Connections started coming together. Parts of conversations and statements that my father, no, not my father, that Allen had made while he was beating me. I was a constant reminder to him of my Mother's cheating. It must be. Just like Helen₂ had an affair with Richard₂, my own mother must have had an affair with Richard₁.

But why didn't Richard₁ recognize me then?

'Because your mother never told him, Sis.'

Parallel but different. I'm not sure I would ever get used to this. The similarities seemed destined to screw up my ability to cope. I must have been a bit in shock, because the next thing I knew, Richard₂ was helping me to my feet and leading me toward the car. He put me into the back seat.

"We need to contact your parents. What is your real name?"

I thought about giving a smart-ass reply for a moment, but then decided that the truth might work a bit better. "My name is Jamie Patrice. My guardian has Jamie₂'s cell phone. You can reach her there."

"Jamie 2?"

I rolled my eyes at him. I hoped that my Dad wasn't as slow as this guy was. "Jamie Patriche's cell phone."

Helen₂ came out of the house before he could shut the door. "Jamie, both of you, I have an appointment to close on a house that I just can't reschedule. I will be at the station as soon as I can so that we can sort this out."

Richard₂ shut the door and got into the front seat. I couldn't open the door from the inside, and there was a plastic barrier between the front and back seats. Luckily I am small so the tight confines of the back seat didn't cause me any problems. I entertained myself by looking out the window at all of the differences between our two worlds. Close to the point where I crossed over, the differences were minor. A tree here or there, but the hills and other ground formations were the same. Jamie₂'s house was in almost the same place as mine, and had virtually the same floor plan. The paint colors were different.

The land changed the further away we got from her house. The freeway was nothing like in my world and I marveled at the ribbon of concrete. We only stayed on the freeway for a couple of exits and then we were back on city streets. Something a little strange seemed to happen as we got closer to the police station.

I had been to the police station a number of times in the past on Earth₁, for school field trips and the like. The police station, barring a light difference in color scheme, was in exactly the same place, and had the same landscaping. Well, as far as I could tell.

'Don't you dare even think about it, Sis. We need to try to resolve this, not make it even worse.'

'Think what? I'm not thinking anything.'

'Don't give me that. I'm in here, remember?'

I blushed, but I knew she was right. I had been thinking that if I had crossed over to this world in a place that was close to my own physically, then I might be able to cross again here. 'I will save that for if we get into real trouble, ok?

I could feel her quizzical look, but I ignored it. I couldn't stay here to resolve her murder. The police would be able to get it fixed up. . .eventually.

'You promised we could say goodbye.'

'And if it is at all possible, we will.'

'A promise is a promise. You have to keep it for me.'

I suddenly felt an emptiness in my head. I knew Jamie₂ wasn't gone, but I'm not sure she could still hear me. I tried to talk to her a couple of times as I was led into a small room with a mirror on one wall. She never responded.

They let me sit in the room for a while. It was white and boring. I figured that they were watching me from behind the mirror, but I didn't really care at this point. Jamie₂ was disappointed with me. I was locked in a room, yes, I checked, without any windows. I walked over to the mirror and examined myself in it. I looked like millions of pre-teen girls around the country, despite my dirty blonde hair being in a very boyish haircut. No real hip development to speak of, and flat as a board of course. This made me smile. The makeup job that Jamie₂ had done for me still looked good. I looked a little young to be wearing makeup, but at least it wasn't heavy. I looked at my eyes and was a bit startled. The center seemed to be a sort of orange color, which seemed to be pushing into the green that my eyes normally were. I wouldn't call the green outside a ring, since it didn't have a regular thickness.

I looked at my eyes a bit more, making sure that it wasn't just a trick of the light. I then realized that more time was passing, and no one had come in to talk to me yet. 'Ok, this is about enough of this,' I thought to myself. I rapped on the mirror with my knuckles. "Can we get on with this, please?"

I'm not sure if that had anything to do with them getting off their butts and talking to me, but it was only about thirty seconds later that they came in the door. Richard₂ was of course one of them, but there was uniformed officer with him as well. "Have a seat, please. Have you ever seen this before?"

Richard₂ tossed my Journal on the table. I wanted to do nothing more than snatch it from the table, but I restrained myself. "That's my therapy journal. I write my thoughts and feelings in there as a means of working through issues. Mostly I wrote about the glimpses I had into your daughter's life."

I figured that it was a little strange that Richard₂ was still working on a case that involved his daughter, so I thought I would get that out there. I've watched cop shows, you know.

The door opened. "A word please, Detective Paxton."

I smiled at this. It seems they didn't know. Well, this would be interesting to see, but I knew that they would leave me here where the action wasn't. I picked up the bag that they had put my journal in. My blood spotted the front of the white book. It almost seemed like a badge of honor there.

The officer that was still in the room took this moment to speak up, "I don't think you should be touching that."

"It's my book."

"It's evidence in a crime."

I was getting tired of all of this. I put my hand on the book and began to concentrate. I had taken my clothing with me, and this book, as I switched worlds. Maybe I could simply push the book across to the other world. The light started to get a little dim, or maybe I was just blacking out, but I could feel a connection of some sort. I remembered then that this is where Richard₁ worked. I tried to focus on the part of me that came from him, to focus on our connection as Father and daughter. I felt the book start to pull away from me, so I let it go. It disappeared before it hit the table.

"What did you do with the book?" The officer walked over to me. He seemed to be a little agitated.

"Search me. . ." I said jokingly, but the officer did just that. It should have been obvious that I wasn't hiding anything in the shirt, and that the skirt couldn't hide anything at all, but he went ahead and frisked me anyway. He didn't find it, of course.

"Stand over there, by the wall, and don't move."

I figured I had pushed my luck enough for one day so I went to stand by the wall. Suddenly I felt myself begin to fall, and I couldn't stop myself. I felt the concrete floor hit me, but I couldn't even put my hands out to catch myself. I hit my head and blacked out.
---
"Queen Guinevere, we need to rally the troops. Mordred is bringing his army to attack Arthur and he only has Lancelot and Gawain to protect him."

I was about to answer the page, when I realized I wasn't on the throne. I was in a Lady-in-waiting dress. Jamie₂ was on the throne, as I had promised her she would be. "Send for my armor, and sound the battle cry. We will save my husband from the treachery of foul Mordred."

Not the lines I had used last time, but not bad for all that. "Your Highness, you can't lead our troops into battle," I said trying to get Jamie₂'s attention. "Sir Galahad is fully prepared to protect your honor on the field of battle."

I don't know where I got this idea, but I had always felt that you should let the best person for the job do that job. In this dream, the best person to save Arthur was Galahad.

"Sis!! I am so happy to see you. I came in here to get away from you and I got stuck."

"Huh?"

"Apparently I can only get out of your dreams if you are here to let me out. Apparently you come to this one fairly frequently, so I was able to get out of the first dream into this one fairly easily."

"I'm so sorry that I made you mad, Jams. Can you forgive me?"

"Of course I can, Sis. Provided that you can get me out of here."

I giggled at her response. "I don't think either of us are getting out of here for the time being. I hit my head when I fell and I seem to be unconscious right now."

"Why did you fall?"

"Um, well, I figured that if I couldn't go home right now, at least I could send my Journal there."

"You opened a portal and put your journal through?"

"Not exactly."

I told her what happened and her eyes widened. "You seem to have one versatile power there."

"Now, if only I could stop passing out when I use it. I passed through a couple of times without issues. Why so many problems now?"

"I don't know. Maybe you had reserves when you started that both of us have been using up. You know, when I ran around while you were asleep and unconscious, and the number of times you hopped back and forth."

"You're probably right, although I think that it was more you using up my reserves more than crossing over." I smiled and stuck my tongue out at her after saying this. "Suddenly, I don't feel very good."

I felt like someone was trying to pull me through myself. "Jams, grab my hand. I think they are trying to revive me." I stretched my hand out to Jams as she reached for me. I grabbed her hand just as I felt one final yank. I opened my eyes.

I was in a different room than the one I'd been in before. I was lying on a couch, and I had a scratchy blanket over me. Someone was removing a vial of vile smelling. . .something. . .from under my nose. It was another plainclothes officer. I carefully sat up. I put my hand to my head. There was a bump on the side of it.

"I need to ask you some questions, Miss."

I smiled at him. He was the first person I didn't know who took me for a girl. "How can I help you?"

"What did you do with the book?"

"It was my journal. I picked it up because I wanted it back. I'm not sure how to tell you what I did next, other than to say I sort of pushed it back home."

"You did a magic trick?"

"Isn't it on the video? You have cameras in the room, don't you?"

"On the cameras, the book began to glow the instant before you let it go, and then there was a bright flash and the book was gone."

"There wasn't any flash. It just disappeared."

"That's what Sergeant Ames and Detective Torres said as well."

"Then why won't you believe me?"

"I do believe you, honey. I really need to know why."

"It didn't belong here. It was mine. It needed to be on Earth₁ to help prosecute Allen Patrice for abusing me."

"Earth₁?"

I goggled at him a moment. No one had ever gotten the emphasis right the first time. I shook myself and responded, "I am from Earth₁. This is Earth₂. It is how I name things to keep them straight. Like the difference between Helen₂ and my Mom."

The detective was about to say something else when I heard Helen₂'s voice. "I demand to be brought to the young lady this instant. If she's under arrest, then I demand she have a lawyer present during any interrogation."

'Your Mom is a lot more outgoing than mine, Sis.'

'I know,' she thought as she beamed a smile.

"Over here, Helen₂," I said as I stood and waved to her.

"Are you okay, Sweetie?"
"Yes, Helen₂. I'm ok."

"That's good. What's this?" She reached up and touched the bump on my head.

"I collapsed and hit my head."

She looked concerned at this. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm really fine. I was pushing myself further than I should have. Could you find out if they tried to call Mary₁ on Jamie₂'s phone? I want to call her and tell her I'm fine if they did."

Helen₂ looked over at the detective next to me, who shook his head. "We're not sure what Detective Paxton was trying to pull, but he is on suspension. He decided to question you without even trying to contact your guardian."

Helen₂ looked like she was getting angry, but I spoke up. "Helen₂, He's Jamie₂'s Dad. He shouldn't have been working her case, but I don't think he should be punished for trying to help her."

"I need to have some words with him, anyway." Helen₂ got up and walked off.

I turned to the detective. "Brian₂'s prints should be on the knife. Why did you let him go?"

"The prints were smudged."

"But I saw him kill her."

"You witnessed the crime? Why didn't you say so before?"

"Well, because, I thought I wouldn't have to be involved. I thought subduing him and calling the police would be enough."

"How did this happen?"

I told him the whole tale again, including crossing worlds to try to save Jamie₂, and getting there much too late. I described how I subdued Brian₂ and how I tied him up with her belt.

"That explains a couple of things. I'll get you a piece of paper so you can write your witness statement. One note. I know what happened, and so do you. I saw the footage of the book, and know that Sergeant Ames and Detective Torres are honest men. Unfortunately a Jury will not have the same luxury."

"Ok. . ." I had no idea where he was going with this.

"I have never told a witness to lie in a statement. I never will. Just make sure that your statement is truthful and believable."

I think I understood what he wanted, so I nodded.

He got me a legal pad and a pen and I wrote out a statement and signed it. I finished and sat for a while waiting for someone to tell me what to do. I saw them bringing in Brian₂ in hand cuffs.

He looked up and saw me from across the room. A look of horror crossed his face. "I killed you, you fucking faggot. I saw you bleed to death. There's no fucking way you're still fucking alive. I'll finish the job I started." He tried to run at me, but the officers restrained him.

The detective walked over, looked over my statement, and then tore it up. "Looks like we won't need this anymore. Thank you for your cooperation, Jamie, and I'm sorry for the trouble that Detective Paxton put you through.

"It's alright, Detective. . ."

"Patrice. I'm Detective Allen Patrice."

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 5:
Live another day

I looked at Detective Patrice for a moment longer than was comfortable for either of us. It had to be a coincidence of some sort, since he looked nothing like my father. Step-father? Allen₁. I giggled at this last one. Most kids my age on Earth₂ won't remember Tron, but it actually came out in 2002 on Earth₂ (Well, if converted to Earth₁ dates). Brian₁ dragged me to it with his friends a couple of times. They locked me in the girls bathroom the second time. Brian₁'s dad had to let me out.

'Why did you keep hanging out with Brian after that?'

'I was seven. Boys do stupid things, and he apologized for it. Said it was just a joke.'

'Like the BMX flip?'

'I'm ignoring you now.'

This isn't about Brian₁, it's about Allen₂. Stop giggling, Jams.

I looked away from Allen₂ and blushed. He had the same last name as I did, but he looked nothing like my step-father. "Can I leave now?"

He told me that I could, so I walked over to where Helen₂ was standing. "I'm ready to go, Mom. . .I mean Helen₂." I blushed hotter than I did when Allen₂ caught me staring.

"Jamie, I told you that it was ok for you to call me Mom. I know I'm not really your Mom, and that you're not really my Jamie, but we're close enough, right?"

I kept my head down and nodded at this. "I guess you're right, Mom. This is all just so wierd and new to me."

"Don't you think it's the same for me? I'm burrying my daughter this weekend, and yet here she seems to be as large as life." I saw her starting to cry and so I went over and gave her a hug. "Thank you, sweetie. Let's get you home so that Jamie can say goodbye."

For the first time since this all started, I realized that I might want to stay on version of Earth. Ok, I know, it had only been two days since this all started, but there had been a lot happening in that two day period. It sometimes felt like it had been a week, instead of a couple of days.

Helen₂ drove us home by way of the city streets, and I began to notice other places where the Earth's had similarities: The Library was in the same slight depression, the strip mall had different shops but the same layout, and other things minor similarities along the way. I was thinking about what could have caused these similarities when I caught my reflection in the window. My eyes were almost completely orange. I pulled down the sun blind on the passenger side, and it had a vanity mirror on the other side. I looked at my eyes more closely. There were only a couple of spikes of green left in my eyes. The rest was the orangey-brown that I had noticed in the police station.

'What could be causing this,' I thought to myself. Before this happened, I would be worried if someone other than myself answered.

'It could be tied with pushing your journal to the other side?' She was as confused as I was. It was also the best explanation I was likely to get without laboratory testing. While I was looking at my eyes we arrived at home.

"Why don't you go lie down for a while. I will make an appointment with a doctor so that we can figure out why you passed out twice in the past twenty-four hours."

"Thanks, Mom." It was really weird calling someone other than my own mother Mom, but it seemed to make both Jams and Helen₂, so who was I to complain. Sure, sometimes she felt like my mother, so sometimes it felt right. The rest of the time I just felt like I was betraying my own mom doing it.

I went upstairs. From past experience, I cleaned off my makeup before lying down. I also got myself undressed, this time I put Jams' clothes in the hamper so that she could be happy about her room staying clean. I was asleep almost before by head touched the pillow. I don't remember any of the dreams I had before Jams was screaming at me to wake up.

I awoke to see someone who looked exactly like my step-father climbing into bed with me. He was naked. Jams was sobbing hysterically in a corner of my mind and saying 'I didn't know, I'm sorry' over and over in my head. I was already moving. I brought my knee into his crotch as hard as I could, and while he was crumpling up I slipped out of bed and ran to the door. It was locked, and I was unfamiliar with the mechanism. I felt more than saw him come up behind me.

"You little shit, you'll pay for that."

I skipped to the side as he tried to punch at me. He put his had through the door. In the moments it took for him to get himself free, I started into my attack. I threw punches and knees at his kidneys. I kicked the backs of his knees. I dislocated his right shoulder by twisting it up and away when he threw a wild punch behind him. I kept kicking him in the balls until he collapsed on the ground. I kicked him a couple of more times to make sure he wouldn't be getting up for a moment and then unlocked the door.

I was so focused on subduing my assailant, that I hadn't heard Helen₂ pounding on the door. She burst in as soon as I unlocked the door, took one look at her husband on the floor, and grabbed the comforter from the bed. "Honey, wrap this around you, and go downstairs for a bit. Keep your brother down there."

"Um. . ."

"Go, now, Jamie."

I left, but not before seeing her open her cell phone. I went downstairs and sat in the living room. Jamie₂ was still hysterical.

'I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I never meant to put you into danger. I'm so sorry.'

'Shhh. It's ok, Jams. Nothing happened. We're safe now.'

'But, I should have known. He spend so much time with my brothers when they were younger. He never spent that much time with me.'

'That doesn't mean anything, Jams. It's not your fault. You didn't make that bastard attack us.'

'It was my daddy.' She began to wail again. I thought her a hug and imagined that I just held her until she stopped crying. I heard a siren approach the house and saw the flashing lights. The police knocked on the front door. I went and let them in and pointed upstairs. I didn't feel like talking to anyone but Mary right now. I went to the kitchen and got the phone.

I dialed Jams' number and waited while it rang. "Hello, Jamie?"

"Mary. . ." Suddenly, all of my tension broke in a wave. I began to sob and told Mary all that had happened to me today. She just listened to me talk. I kept talking for almost an hour when I started to hear a beeping sound on the phone.

"The screen says that the phone is about to die, Jamie. I'll need to figure out how to recharge it, if I can. I will call Jamie₁'s house when I get it working ag. . ." She was gone.

I felt even more lost than when I started the call. I sat in the kitchen and hugged my shoulders sobbing quietly. Jams enfolded me in a mental hug and we both cried into each other. It wasn't a real hug, but it felt real. As I continued to cry, I felt someone else hug me.

"It's ok, sweetie. He can't hurt you now. Did he. . .I mean. . .Was my Jamie. . ."

'Tell Mommy that he never touched me like that.'

"Jamie says he never raped her."

'SIS!'

"She also yelled at me for paraphrasing."

Helen₂ chuckled ruefully. "Tell her that I agree with your version."

"She can hear you, Mom."

Helen₂ blushed. At that moment a boy of nine or ten came into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. "Where's dad?"

"Well, sweetie, Dad tried to, um. . ."

"Dad tried to play with me in an inappropriate manner, So I beat him up and then the police came and arrested him."

"You mean that I don't have to play the bedroom games with Dad anymore. Thank you Jamie. I knew that you didn't die like Mom said. You saved me." He ran over and threw his arms around me. I had no idea who this hurt little child was. It was obvious that he was Jamie₂'s brother, but I didn't have a brother. I didn't have a sister either.

'What about me?'

I didn't have a sister before I met with Jamie₂. I was out of my depth. I put my arms around the shaking body of the little boy and tried to comfort him as best as I could. He snuggled into me. "Do you want to talk to me about it?"

He shook his head. I just held him for a while, letting him relax. Mom hand up the phone. I hadn't even noticed that she had picked up the phone.

"Gabe, I have set an appointment for you to speak to Mary. Would you like to speak to Mary like your big sister?"

He looked uncertain for a moment, looked up at me, and then nodded his head. "I can do it if Jamie can do it."

I smiled down at him.
"Jamie, your appointment is at the same time."

My smile faded a bit. "Jamie, are you ok? Are you afraid of your doctor?" I looked into his eyes and shook my head. "I am worried about my appointment, but I'm not afraid of my doctor."

"Let's get you into bed."

I pried his hands off me long enough to put on a nightgown, and then I led him to his room. I sat down next to him and rubbed his back while he relaxed and went to sleep. I left his door open and I went back downstairs to talk to Helen₂.

"Is Gabe asleep?"

"Yes, he's asleep now. This is nothing like my world. My step-father might have beat me up, but he never molested me."

"Probably the only thing that saved my Jamie was that he thought of her as a girl. Why did he think differently about you?

I blushed. "Um, I was in my boy underwear, and I wasn't under the covers."

She nodded at that, but she was staring off into space as she did it. She shook herself. "Well, tomorrow is going to be busy. We need to visit the doctor early tomorrow, so you should get some sleep while you can, Honey."

I hugged her. "Jamie loves you, Mommy. And I love you too."

She smiled, and I went up to our room. I looked into the mirror and was startled to see more green than the last time I looked at my eyes.

'Your eyes are more green. . ."

'I think it means I got some of my energy back. I think it was sleeping that did it.' I felt Jamie pull away from me a little bit.

'Jams, what's wrong?'

'As soon as you get your energy back, you'll go back to your world, and I either have to move on, or go with you. I like my world. I don't want to lose my Mommy and brothers.'

'Brothers?'

'I have another one in college.'

'Jams, I like your family, well minus your Daddy'

I felt Jamie shudder. 'I'm soooo sorry that I dragged you here now. We should have just stayed on the other side.'

'Don't say that. We would never have known, and we couldn't have saved Gabe.'

'Thank you, Sis. You always know how to cheer me up.'

'It helps that we are virtually the same person.'

I changed into a pair of Jams' panties before I climbed back into bed. For some reason sleeping in my old underwear creeped me out all of the sudden. Strangely enough, the panties were actually more comfortable than my old ones. I climbed into bed, and went to sleep.

Jams and I played in my dreams 'til morning. It seemed that since allowing Jams into my dreams, I had a lot more control of the dreamscape, and I could even, sometimes, choose which dream we were in. We did the Arthur dream twice, and each of us got to be Guinevere.

When Jams left, I started crafting a dream. I'm not sure exactly how to describe the process. It was a lot like oil painting with cotton candy, if that makes any sort of sense.

I was making a place for her to live. Added her Mom and brother to the house. I felt Jams coming back, so I locked the dream away and went to meet her. I didn't want her to see it until it was ready.

'Time to get up, Sis.'

I woke up and went the bathroom to bathe. Jams and I then argued a bit on how to make my hair look more feminine. In the end, neither of us had any real luck, but she was more successful than I was. She has had more practice. I went back to our room and looked in the closet and drawers for something to wear. I picked a button up white blouse with puffed sleeves. I picked a pair of jeans to go with it. Jamie showed me how to tuck myself away so I wouldn't show in the jeans.

I got a pair of her flats, the ones she thought went best with the outfit, and we put on makeup. Or I should say I messed up our makeup, and Jams salvaged it. More of the green was back in my eyes from the last time I had looked.

Gabe was still asleep, so I gently woke him up. He threw on some clothing. 'Boys sure have it easier sometimes,' I thought with a smile.

'Do you want to go back, Sis?'

'Not on your life.'

We went downstairs and had some breakfast. It was cold cereal and toast, but that was fine with me. Mom looked at me for a moment.

"Jamie should know that I don't really approve of thirteen year-olds wearing makeup on a daily basis. However, since you both kept it very light, and it does make you look a lot more feminine, I think we can leave it for now."

I felt Jams jumping and clapping again.

The moment that she saw my grin get bigger, she put up a cautioning hand, "The first time I see you lathering on the makeup, however, it all goes away."

I went and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you, Mommy."

After breakfast we went and got in the car and went to the Clinic. It was sort of a small hospital, but didn't offer surgery or anything like that. Mom. . .I mean Helen₂ left me in the waiting room while she took Gabe down to see Mary₂.

They called my name while I was still waiting for Helen₂.

"My Mom is with my brother right now," I said to the nurse who came out to get me.

"You can wait for your Mother if you want, but you might have to wait a bit longer."

'I'm here with you, Sis."

"I'm ready to go back now, thank you."

The nurse smiled at me and we went back into the Clinic. She measured my height and weight, and checked my blood pressure. Then she led me into one of the patient rooms. I sat on the table and waited for the doctor to arrive.

"So, Jamie, I see that you fainted a couple of times in the past couple of days. . .what happened to your hair?" The doctor stopped dead in his tracks at the first sight of me. He was an older man with salt and pepper hair. I liked him instantly. "You certainly look a lot like Jamie, but you don't look exactly the same. You could almost be her identical twin."

"I'm Jamie from another world."

"Really," he began to chuckle as if this were a joke, but then stopped. He noticed I wasn't smiling.

"Well, at least you seem convinced. So, tell me what happened."

I went into the full story, again, this time including the changes in eye color I had noticed before, as well as the total number of times I had crossed back and forth.

"You say that Mary. . .Mary₁ was it," at my nod he continued, 'got an electric shock when she touched the portal?"

"Yes."

"Hmm. I have to admit that this is a bit beyond my understanding. There are some tests on body chemistry I can run, and so forth, but we would have to enlist a research facility to fully explore what you are capable of, and I'm not sure that's such a good idea at your age. Especially with your other life choices."

He sat back for a moment. "I want you to try to push this tongue depressor." He handed me the oversized popsicle stick and I concentrated on sending it to Earth₁. "Stop, that's enough. You were right, my dear. When you begin to use your power, it seems that whatever chemical reaction fuels it, causes your eyes to change color. What exactly that process is, I'm not ready to speculate, but I think you should be very careful when you use this ability. It also seems as though geography is not as important as having a sentient focus."

"What do you mean?"

"When you tried to push the Journal across, before thinking about your father, you almost used up all of your reserves. So, you had almost no energy left. When you tried to connect to your father and then push it, you easily opened a door for the book. This ability needs a focus. It also seems to weaken the, um, wall, I guess you could call it, between worlds."

"How do you know so much about this?" I looked at him in awe.

"I read a lot of science fiction books." He said. He blushed a bit as he said this.

"From what you were saying about your phone calls, the original portal is closing. You opened another with the book, but that too will probably close in time. It might take the books opening longer to close, because of all the energy you originally put into it, but then again, it might close faster. We just don't know."

I nodded, a bit confused.
"Don't worry about it, Jamie. I'm sure you will be ok. Let's get some blood drawn, and then we can go find your Mother."

One of the nurses drew my blood, and then they wanted me to give them a urine sample, which was embarrassing. I got all of that done, and we went to Mary₂'s office to wait for Mom and Gabe.

I sat down and picked up the closest magazine, which happened to be a teen magazine. I read through it, since I had nothing better to do. Ok, I liked it a lot. Mom and Gabe came out with Mary₂.

"Hello, Jamie. Do you have time to come talk to me for a bit," Mary₂ asked me.

Her tone worried me a bit. 'Don't worry, Sis. We'll be fine.' I took a deep breath and stepped past Mary₂ into the room.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 6:
Can I come out now?

I walked into Mary₂'s office and stopped. It wasn't anything like the office I was used to. Most of the same items were there. It just seemed that something was different. Her Vincent van Gogh Sunflower print was on the left wall, instead of straight ahead. On the back wall, in place of the van Gogh, was a picture I had never seen before. It seemed to be a set of stairs running upwards forever. Or was it going down? There were people going both ways. It was on top of a castle, or something. I really liked it.

"Examining my Escher again?"

I turned around, startled. Mary₂ was standing just behind me. "You startled me."

"You haven't looked that intently at that print since the first time you came to see me."

I had no idea what to say. I opened my mouth a couple of times to speak, but nothing came out. In my own world, I considered Mary₁ to be a friend. What would it be like for her to find out I was dead? And what if someone who looked exactly like me came to tell her.

"What did you do to your hair, Jamie? Trying the short look?"

"I've never had long hair." I said before thinking, and then wanted to take it back. How could I be so thoughtlessly cruel.

Mary₂ seemed to crumple in on herself. 'Help her, Jams'

I felt Jams take control and go to hug Mary₂. "I'm not completely gone."

Mary had a confused look on her face. "Jamie?"

"Yes, Mary. It's me. I'm hitching a ride in this Jamie for the time being." I smirked at that. Of course, with Jams in control of my mouth for the time being, only she could really see it.

I saw Mary₂ genuinely smile. They sat and talked for a while, and seemed to have the same sort of relationship that Mary₁ and I did. At least some things didn't change. I did notice another thing that bothered me. She wasn't wearing a wedding ring. 'What happened to Frank?'

'Who's Frank?'

'Mary's husband,' I thought. Of course Frank was her husband. There should be at least that much similarity between worlds.

'Mary's not married.'

I felt really sorry for this Mary, and was glad she had a moment of happiness with her Jamie. Even though I hadn't started liking him until recently, I could always tell that Mary₁ had been deeply in love with her husband. I couldn't ever understand why, but I could see it there in how he treated her, and how she reacted to that treatment.

I knew that this Mary must feel a void in her life that nothing would ever fill.

I began to cry, and I just couldn't stop. Disembodied crying hurts inside a lot more than normal crying does. I knew that it wasn't only Mary₂ that I was crying for, but myself, and Jamie, and everyone else that had been hurt, or killed, in the past little while. I didn't realize what was happening enough to know that Jams had given me back the body before I felt myself collapse on the couch.

Mary sat down beside me and put her hand on my shoulder, and when I didn't seem to be letting up, she got up. I felt so alone in that moment. What would I do? I just couldn't stop, and started to feel something uncontrollable welling up inside of me. I was terrified I would never be able to stop. I began to wail a bit, and then I felt my Mother's arms around me. No, it was Jams' mother. My mother never loved me. I tried to pull away, but her arms held me tighter.

"Jamie Patrice, I know you aren't my flesh, but I am standing here as your mother. I have you, and you are safe."

I don't know how long I sat there, crying myself dry, and still unable to stop. I felt every strike that my father had ever given me. I felt Jams' death again. I felt the loss that Mary₂ would never know she had. Through it all I could hear my mother saying, "You're safe. You're mine. You're safe."

I had no more tears left to shed, and still I moaned my loss. Jamie should be alive. Not this weak, incapable person called Jim. Jamie had a life, and all I could do was almost let her murderer get away.

I felt Jams' arms go around me and I completely lost it. I began to babble out my hurts. I told them about every time my step-father struck me. I told them about Brian goading me into flipping the BMX. I told them about getting locked in the girls bathroom at the movies, and being stuffed in a trash can and rolled down the hill at school, and all of the other things that people had done to me. I told them about all the hurt I felt and the hurt I couldn't heal in others. I told them how much I loved Jamie, and that she should be the one that was alive.

I told them about trying to kill myself.

I have never had the courage to go through with it. I once bought a package of razors blades at the drug store. I even put one to the skin at my wrist. I couldn't push it hard enough to draw blood. I had tried with a kitchen knife once as well. I tried jumping off a bridge, and that was the closest I had gotten. Someone had pulled me from the edge, warning me that I could fall. I laughed at that. I think I sounded a bit crazy. I got out a bottle of my mom's sleeping pills once.

Mostly though, it was the ledge at the top of the school. The gym to be exact. Our Gym was four stories tall. I was small enough to slip through the gate at the bottom of the stairs. I used to go up there to get away from the bullies. One day I went over to the ledge at the edge of the roof. It was a little like a parapet. It was about a foot and a half wide, and flat on top. I would climb up there and watch people going back and forth between the gym and the rest of the school. No one ever looked up. I would sometimes imagine dropping right in front of this person or that one. You know, the people who seemed to torment me the most.

I would imagine them awakening screaming with the image of my death for the rest of their lives.

I was too afraid it would hurt, and so I would always climb down from the ledge, but it was always there, beckoning me to take that one final step.

Each day the time I spent on the ledge would grow longer. I had even started skipping my English class to be up there. I was taking creative writing this year.

We talked for about two hours after that. I think that Mary₂ canceled some of her other appointments to give that time to me.

After we finished talking I was drained completely, and felt like I wanted to go back to bed. I wanted to sleep until. . .I don't know how long. We drove home. I sat in the back seat, not taking part in the conversation. I had said everything that was in me, and just wanted to curl up under the blankets and let the world go away.

Gabe seemed a lot happier after his talk with Mary, and I wished that could be the case for me. I began to hear Jams talking to me, and I think I made appropriate conversation, but I'm not sure.

'No, you didn't. You made the mental equivalent of monosyllabic grunts, and basically ignored everyone around you.'

'Well, if you remember this part better, then you tell the story for a while.'

'Don't mind if I do.'

As my Sis said, we were driving home in the car, and she was completely out of it. Actually, I need to back up a bit.

I could only hold onto Jamie mentally. For the first time since I had died, I really felt lost. I couldn't be there for the one person in this world who I really cared about. I loved Jamie like a sister. She was my Sister me, which is why I started calling her Sis. It just fit. I couldn't let anyone else know I was still here and looking after her because she had tightened down the mental controls again and I was locked inside. Sometimes I can get a word in edgewise or essentially slip my hands onto the controls. A smile here, a look there. Right now, I only saw Jamie.

It wasn't complete darkness. A person's mind is a place of thoughts and ideas. I lived in that place now, and her emotions were like rooms used to be for me in the outside world.

Her current emotions were an amusement park's house of horrors. My take, not hers. I'm sure if she had been there she would have seen it as a dungeon in some castle. Same emotion.

It was hard to keep myself focused on her. I had to ignore all of the things she was saying, and ignore all the things created by what she refused even now to say. I really hate clowns, that's al I'm going to say on that.
It was timeless in there. I could feel the words resonate in her mind as she spoke them, but I had no idea what the responses from the others were. I just kept holding onto her, and then I began to whisper.

I don't remember everything that I said, but I know I told her I loved her and that I would be there to help her through this. It felt a lot longer than the two hours it was outside her mind. Sometimes I think that the mind works a lot faster than the world around us, and that if our mind were left to its own devices, we could pass the equivalent of years of thought in a matter of seconds.

Slowly, I began to be able to see and hear again. and I finally felt Jamie running down. But then she kept going down. I felt her slip into a depression.

I wanted to let my Mom and Mary know what was going on, but I couldn't get enough control to speak. Mary figured it out anyway.

"Helen, I think that you need to spend some time today alone with Jamie. When I spoke earlier with Gabe, he acted as though he wanted to just get on with his life. I think that his father being arrested acted as a sort of catharsis, especially since Jamie stood up for him. He really idolizes his sister right now, and will understand you taking some time to help her. I have a children's group therapy session this afternoon. I wanted Gabe to be there anyway, but that will give you some time to help Jamie as well."

"Ok, Mary. I want to talk it over with Gabe first, but I think I can do that. If Jamie is going to be wearing my daughter's clothing, I think we need to get her into the salon to do something with that hair." Mary smiled down at Jamie, but I almost felt like she was smiling down at me too.

We got in the car, and Jamie slipped into the back seat without comment. I still had no control, but I could still listed to what was going on.

"Honey, your sister and I need to take some time this afternoon together. She is really hurting inside and we need to try to make her better."

"It's not something Dad did, is it?"

"No, Honey. Her body is healthy, and Dad didn't do this. She's hurting emotionally. She hurts in her heart, and in her mind."

"Are there doctors that can fix her mind?"

"I wish that were the case, Sweetie. Right now all they can do is show someone how to heal themselves. We don't have the tools to heal someone's mind."

"Then I'm going to find the tools so I can be the first mind doctor who can actually heal people."

I smiled at that. Gabe was so earnest it made my heart melt. 'Sis?' I got no response.

Mom chuckled a bit. "I know you want to help, Sweetie, but for right now, people's minds have to heal themselves."
"I know. You need to spend some time with Jamie. I know I always feel better when you spend time with me. Mary wanted me to go talk and play with some other kids today, so if it's alright I can go and spend time there, while you spend time with Jamie."

"Ok, Gabe. You're my big boy, aren't you."

"Mom," Gabe said while rolling his eyes, "I'm almost ten. I'm practically a teenager."

We all chuckled at this, well, except for Jamie. She was still lost in her funk. I wondered for a moment if it was a blue or a pink funk. It's not that I didn't really think that she wanted to be a girl, well not for the moment anyway, but I wondered if that is who she really was. Her dreams always had her as a girl. Or at least the ones I saw did. Could I be missing something, or possibly influencing something.

I really hope not.

We got home and had lunch. Jamie ate mechanically, not even tasting the food. Sure, it's weird tasting someone else's food, but that's the only way I can any more. I felt a little resentful of her at that moment. How dare she be depressed because people picked on her in school. I was DEAD!!!.

I wanted to shout and scream. I wanted to throw things. I wanted to run and jump and sing. I wanted. . .

I wanted to still be alive, not some shadow of a piece of a memory in someone else's mind.

I hugged my nonexistent arms to my incorporeal body. What was left for me anymore. I know I said I didn't want to go away, but what sort of a life was this for me. I knew that Jamie was distracted, and she wouldn't miss me for a bit, so I looked for a way out.

I was going to die all the way and get myself out of this miserable half life.

'You did WHAT!?!?'

'Chill, Sis. I got better.'

Jamie chuckles at this, 'I think we might be breaking the fourth wall a bit to accurately have the conversation we are having and have it fit into the confines of the story.'

'I'm sure the audience doesn't mind, besides, it is necessary for the story. You interjected as a way of showing you had no idea I left, and I responded as a way to show it would all turn out alright in the end.'

'Doesn't that remove all the tension from the story?'

'Nah, it just makes the tension different. You don't worry if certain characters die, just how they get out of it alive.'

'Get back to the story, Sis. I'm interested to see what happens next.'

I looked around her mind, and found a glimmering portal I had never noticed before. I slipped through it, and I was back outside. I looked around there, and saw another portal. It looked like a doorway that had just opened for me.

I went through the door.

That should have been the end of my story. Everyone there told me that I had to allow it to end. Everyone except for one very old woman. She didn't look old. She looked like a teenager to me, maybe just a couple of years older. From the way other people treated her, however, I got the impression that everyone saw her as just a couple of years older than they were.

"What do you want from life, Jamie." Those were her first words to me.

I wish I could share our conversation. I know that she will be mistaken for many other people, but I know her for who she is.

I knew at the end of it that there was something further for me to do in this world. I felt a sense of hope. I began looking through the multitudes of people for my way out.

I couldn't see it. I knew I needed to get back to where I had been. I was in a vast field of people. They stood around in groups and talked. Some taught and some listened to that teaching. I listened to some of it, and it was all the same. Who needed to be taught about God and his plan after they were dead. Didn't they already know that there was a life after death? Wasn't that enough?

I wandered about until I found another group of people. The atmosphere here felt like a swamp. There were no trees or water, but decay permeated the air. The people here had a much more desperate air to them as well. It felt as though they were as trapped here as I was. I walked past this prison of souls, trying not to touch any of them.

I got to the other side after what felt like hours and finally found the door I was looking for. I began to look for Jamie. No one was home. I began to panic. Rushed around trying to think where they could be.

I paused for a moment and remembered that Gabe needed to be dropped off with Mary. One good thing about not having a body, distance seems to have no bearing. As soon as I thought about going to Mary's office, I was there. My Mom was just leaving the office, so I followed her back to the car, where a despondent Jamie sat looking out the window.

I slipped back inside, feeling safe for the first time since I left.

I felt a change in my surroundings since I had left. It almost felt painful to move as if Jamie's thoughts had become as sharp as crystal. I looked at these thoughts and didn't like where they were heading.

'You can't do this to us, Sis. There's a plan. At least I think there is. Most of my experience was already beginning to fade. I couldn't remember what the woman looked like anymore. I knew she wasn't God, and began to wonder who I'd actually been speaking to.

I had felt so peaceful there, but it wasn't my time yet.

It wasn't Jamie's time either.

'Sis. This isn't the answer. SIS!'

I pulled on everything I could and threatened and yelled my mind raw.

"Come on, Honey. I have a surprise for you."

Jamie allowed herself to be lead by Mom into the Mall. As we approached the salon, Jamie perked up a bit. . .

'I can take over from here, Jams.'

I had no idea why we were here, at the mall, and I was ready for it to be over. We walked past the huge food court and into the mall proper. We started to approach a salon that I had often wanted to go into, but had always been too afraid.

We walked into the salon. Mom had made appointments for both of us. I sat down in the chair.

"So, what can we do for you, Little Miss."

I'm not sure I liked her. "My name is Jamie."

"Ok, Jamie," she smiled a pretty smile at me. "How should we cut your hair?"

"I want it cute, but I am trying to grow it out. I don't know."

"Ok, Jamie. Leave it to me. I'll do something spectacular for you."

She played with my hair for about half an hour. I spaced. It was something I had dreamed about before, and I lived the experience. When she was done, and she let me look, I wasn't the little boy in girl's clothing anymore. I had no makeup on, since it had run and Jams wasn't talking to me, and I didn't feel like trying to fix it on my own. I was fresh faced, and it was a girl who looked back at me from the mirror. I grinned at myself.

"I take it you like it?"

"Oh, yes. I love it. Thank you sooo much."

"You're welcome Jamie. We have more to do for you today. Your Mom ordered the full treatment."

We went toward the side window of the store. I sat down and they started to work on my nails. It hurt a little at times, but it was really fun as well. I noticed a rack of earrings. I saw some that I would have really liked to have. I was disappointed though because I didn't have pierced ears.

The woman, I'm sorry now I didn't get her name when we started, picked up on my emotion.

"Would you like to get your ears pierced, Jamie?"

"I don't know if it would be alright with my Mom."

"Let me go ask."

I knew that she was probably just trying to help sales in the store, but she was being really nice to me. I felt a momentary thrill of hope, that I tried to squash. Jams' Mom had already spent so much money on me for even this much.

"Your Mom says it's alright. Want to pick out a pair of studs to start you out with?"

I looked at the rack of starter studs and saw a pair that I had to have. One was a lock in the shape of a heart. The other was a key with a heart shaped handle.

I picked out a nail polish color. It was called plum passion or something silly like that, but I liked the purpleish pink hue.

After my nails dried, we went to go find my mother, who was still having her hair styled. I think she must have had her hair washed as well, because it was still really wet looking. She had beautiful long think hair.

'I hope that mine will look like that when it's longer.'

'Mine did, Sis, but it was a lighter color. Yours is closer in color to mine.'

Mom got finished and went up to pay for both of us. "Mom, I think that we should give a tip."

"Did you really like Tracy, then?" That was her name.

"Yes, Tracy really helped me a lot."

"Ok, we can give Tracy a tip."

I'm not sure how much she gave, exactly, but Tracy was really happy and gave us her card with her hours on it. "Come back anytime, Ladies."

I felt a glow inside at her words.

We went back to Mary's office to pick up Gabe, and then Mom took us out for pizza. I don't know how people can not like this stuff. Pizza is fun to eat, and it is a perfect meal to itself. Sure, the bread is all crust, but that is part of the fun too. The toppings and sauce melt together into a blend of conflicting flavors that just increase the overall taste. Peppers and cheese and sausage and pepperoni and olives and bell peppers. Each one distinct on its own, and a part of the greater whole.

Ok, I really like pizza.

I even let Jams participate and take over some. I was feeling really good about myself. There was just something nagging me at the back of my mind. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It seemed that everything was just going too well for the moment.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 7:
What is it good for?

We went home from the pizzeria. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I looked at my new earrings in the mirror. My new hairstyle just fell right. I brushed out my hair and there was the new style again. I giggled and clapped my hands together.

'Didn't you promise. . .'

'Hush, Jams'

I thought at that moment that Jams was rubbing off on me, and I wasn't at all sure whether I was happy about it or not. I loved Jams, but I wanted to be my own person too. I know I was making her a home in my dreams, but there had to be another way. Something that would work out for both of us. I would have to think about it.

I slipped into my nightgown and crawled into bed. At some point, someone had taped some paper over the hole in the door. Looking at it reminded me of last night, so I hopped up and locked my door before getting back into bed and going to sleep.

I had the usual variety of dreams, and some unusual ones. Jams and I aren't the same person. I tend to dream in Technicolor about Princesses and Princes, castles and dragons, swords and sorcery stuff all the way.

Jams on the other hand dreams in sepia-tone. She dreams about James Cagney and Humphrey Bogart. Her mother is a huge classic film buff, and she gets a lot of her dream material from there.

Sure, we both had dreams of the more normal variety, every day stuff, but when we have control, we shape the dream to our fantasies. This, of course was my first time running into her fantasy world.

Jamie Spade, Private Eye threw me for a bit of a loop, to tell you the truth. It was also a lot of fun. Not that I ever get bored of princes and princesses, mind you, I just liked the change of pace for once.

We got up and I showered and clothed myself. I'm a big girl now. I went in. I had a thought of what I should do for my makeup. Something that would be more me than Jams. I went even lighter than she normally did, adding a bit of a difference in color. Her eyes had been more of a blue than my green. I had to mix her colors a bit to get an eye shadow that matched my nails. I tried it on, and both Jams and I agreed that it was not right. I went a bit darker, and a light brushing, and it was perfect. No blush, some lip gloss, she only has pink, and I was done.

I went downstairs to breakfast. Gabe was already finishing up but he stayed to talk to me. We talked for a bit, and then Mom came down. "Good you're both ready. I think both of you need to go back to school today."

"But, I don't know anything about Jamie's classes. I could ruin her schooling for her."

"She is in there with you. Just let her run the show while you're at school. It will be fine. I hadn't told them that she died, yet, so we should be able to keep everything going smoothly."

Even thought I dreaded it, I let Jamie take control, and we were off to catch her bus. How was it that I could subdue a murderer, beat up a child molester, and talk down and out of line police detective, and yet going to school filled me with terror.

We met a group of girls on the bus. I had seen them before, but I only now realized I didn't know their names in either reality.

I tried to pick them up through conversation, but it was going so fast, and from so many directions that I could barely keep up with what Jams was saying. I began to fidget. I felt trapped, and I had to get free. I tried to talk to Jams, but she was focused on her friends and her joy of living. I needed to get out. I started twitching my right hand. just shaking it a bit.

'Stop that, Sis. You're ruining it for me.'

'I can't breathe. I need some air.'

'Course you can't breathe. I'm breathing right now.'

And then she was off again.

"Jamie, what did you do to your hair? It's so short." This was said by a brunette with a pixie face.

"I got a wig so I could see what I would look like as my cousin. She looks so much like me. When I got done, I just had to try on her makeup style. She helped me with that."

Something really had to be done. She gave me an out for when I showed up later, but she still wouldn't have her own self, unless we started wearing a wig to pretend to be her. . .no. That would only work so long, especially if people expected to see us together sometimes, and as cousins that could be expected.

I tuned out while we finished the ride to school. More specifically I was using another sense. I was trying to find something. I knew that there were two worlds, but couldn't there be more? I was feeling out, and finding nothing, when I was bumped by Jams. We arrived at our school. The junior high school had changed little since I was there in my world. I felt my gaze going to the top of the Gym, then Jams clamped down on the motor control, and laughed at something one of the gaggle said to her.

It was so confusing. You know what it's like going into a packed theater to watch a movie, only the movie already started, and no one wanted to tell you what happened already. That's kind of what school was like for me that day.

We went from class to class, hour after hour, and I just became more and more frustrated. Then we got to the last class. Somehow, Jamie was in Creative Writing as well, and she had this worlds version of Mrs. Henderson.

Her name makes her sound like some old, grey, fat and happy woman.

Mrs. Henderson is definitely a happy person, but she is young and vibrant, and slender and blonde. I have always wished that I might someday grow up to look like her. I didn't really think it might happen until recently.

It was a basic writing class, so I won't bore you all with the details. It was the first fun I'd had all day. It was Jams' hand writing, but we were both telling the story.

I actually felt more upbeat by the end of the day, and I was better able to follow the bouncing conversation of her friends. That reminded me of what I'd tried to do on the bus earlier, so I spent the ride home sending my mind out, trying to make a connection to something.

'Oh, another one. How delicious.' Its tone had an oily, crusty feeling to it. It didn't feel at all human. 'I can feel you judging me, Jamie. You won't feel that way forever. Soon you won't do anything at all.'

It knew my name.

'Oh course I know your name. James Patriche, or are you one of the rarer Patrice variants. There are a lot of us out there.

I felt its hands touching my soul, and recoiled.

'Mmmm. A girl. I like the girls best. They know who they are. They're the true Jamie's. They are the most delicious.'

I felt its tongue moving up my side, across my ribs, over my brea. . .I was wearing the Guinevere costume. I smiled. I had something that it didn't expect.

'I really think you're out of your depth, here, Monster. We're in my world now.'

'What are you talking about. . .'

In my dream, toward the end, Guinevere dresses in armor and goes out with her knights and soldiers to save Arthur. I prefer my ending to that in Le Morte d'Arthur that we had to read in school.

I drew my silver sword and slashed it through the tongue of the monster. The James monster. I am beginning to think there might just be one too many of me in the universe.

Its black ichor spewed over my silver armor, and began to bubble and his. Acid? I stepped under a waterfall of pure clean water. It washed clean leaving no marks of any kind.

'You'll have to try harder than that, Beast.' I no longer considered it to be one of us in my mind.

'Feel empowered do you, Little Girl.' it snarled at me. 'This wasn't even the opening round!'

'Jams yells louder than you do. Let me show you how to yell. DIE!!!!!' I threw my sword into the void. Something out there caught it. Well, at least it tried to catch it. Normal physics don't apply on this plane. I twisted the sword at the last minute and the Beast skewered its hand instead of catching my sword.

'The little girl has been practicing.'

'Jams and I have both been practicing.'

A tone of surprise entered the creatures thoughts, 'There are two of you? There've never been two before.'

'It would seem some of us are more social than others.' I couldn't help it. I stuck my tongue out at the Beast.

Suddenly I found an opening, and I was into his mind. His memories washed over me like raw sewage. He had grown up and stayed male. He was a bit older than either Jams or I. Well, I'm older than Jams too, but only by a year. He was a lot older. He was already in his late twenties. His life had been much like Jamie₂'s up until Brian jumped from behind the tree. Different reasons for it to start, but the same general outcome. He had never been allowed to start hormone blockers, however. Brian₃ and he had struggled over the knife. He got the knife away from Brian₃ and made a choice. He took all of his frustration out on Brian₃. I could feel the pleasure he had taken at killing Brian₃ in the way that he did.

I vomited. Not in my head. For real. All over the girl in front of me. She started to look ill, and then she vomited. When it was done, the bus had been pulled over to the side of the road, and the six of us were covered in puke. They called a bus for the other kids, but Jams' friends and I had to wait for our mothers.

I had gotten one last image from that Beasts mind before the connection had broken as he retreated: He had slaughtered his family with the same knife that Brian₃ tried to use on him.

Mom came and picked us up, and all of us girls went our separate ways, promising to call each other. They found out that we had lost Jamie's phone, and they would call the house.

'What happened back there, Sis?'

'We've got a real problem, Jams. We aren't the only ones out there. What I mean is, we aren't the only Jamies.'

'That's great news!'

'It would be if all of them were like us.'

'What do you mean?'

'One of us, I mean, one of the Jamies is a mass murderer. He has been killing all of the Jamies that he comes into contact with. That's not all.'

I shared with her a sanitized version of the memories that I had taken from James. Even so, I could feel her shudder in revulsion. Someone just like us had done this to another human being, and they liked it.

'So, what were you doing when this thing found you?'

'Well, um, I really love you, and all, but, I want to live my own life.' I blushed hotly when I said this. I really didn't want my true best friend in either world to get the wrong idea, but I wanted my head back to myself.
'I completely know what you are talking about, Sis. It was fun for a couple of days, but it gets to be a real drag. Not being able to talk to your friends, or wear your own clothes.'

'Having to take your classes, and let someone else control the body.'

'Having to get permission to use a body at all.'

I blushed again at this one. I admit, she had it worse than I did.

'So, what. Where you going to just push me off on another Jamie, and I would go from world to world, never having a home of my own?'

'Jams, I don't know. I hadn't really thought that far ahead. . .'

'So what do we do now?'

By this point we had gotten home and gotten in the shower. We let the water wash our bodies clean. I wished that it could wash those images from my mind, those emotions from my soul. I let the water pound into my skin as the two of us thought about what our next course of action would be.

'Wait, if he had killed you, what would have actually happened to your body.'

'It would have died too, wouldn't it?'

We felt a renewed sense of purpose, because there were the beginnings of an idea forming in my head. We hopped on the internet and began to search. We searched for "mind dead" first.

It brought up results about songs and strange social pages.

'Well, the mind is in the brain, isn't it?'

'I think you might be the smarter of the two of us, Jams.'

I felt her blush in pleasure. We tried "brain dead" next. One wiki page later, and we had some idea what we were looking for.

'I wouldn't want that to happen to me. To be just lying there, half alive, hooked to all those machines.'

I hugged her. 'Jams, don't worry about it. They're not there anymore. If the Beast had his way, then they are nothing but a body, like you are nothing but a soul.'

'Spirit is more like it.'

She fed me the exact line I had been looking for, 'yep, you're very spirited.'

She groaned at my horrible pun, but smiled all the same. We went downstairs to find Mom.

"Mommy, we're going to go lie down. We're still not feeling really well."
"At least you made it through one day of school." She put her wrist up to my forehead. "It doesn't seem as if you have a fever. You go lie down, and I'll bring up a bowl of soup a bit later."

We changed into a pale yellow nightgown, the same color as Jams' bedspread, only plush on the outside. We lay down in the bed, and I formed an image. I had looked up the machines that would be monitoring a coma patient, as well as several bed styles. I focused on a beautiful, female, Jamie. Close to our age. Long hair, Jams really missed her hair. I felt Jams lending her support. We both focused on what we were looking for. We reached out a mental hand together. We felt a connection. I let go of the world.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 8:
Help, I need some body. Not just any body.

Tumbling across dimensions is not my idea of fun. I felt a lot like a rubber band. One second we were in bed, both of us focusing on our destination, and the next we were nowhere.

It's hard to describe. I watched the decor of the room change some items flickering faster than the eye could see, and some only slowly changing. The bedspread and bed seemed to be fairly constant. The rapid change in color made it seem mainly black with the edges and wrinkles flashing in different colors. We were passing through the objects as if they, or we, did not exist.

I began to realize that we had started to move in relation to the room. We were moving toward the roof and the outer wall. The further we moved from our starting point, the faster we traveled. I thought we might get a sense of flying, but there was no feeling of movement at all.

'It would probably be a good idea to orient ourselves better for landing, Sis.'

'I wouldn't want to land on my back, that's true.'

I began to try to sit up, or turn, or adjust my position at all. It wasn't working. No matter how I flailed around I couldn't move myself at all.

'Jams, it's not working.' I was getting a little hysterical at this point.

'Sis, relax. We can do this.'

'How, we have nothing to push against. We are floating through objects.'

I stopped to think for a moment. I could still feel the pull of our destination on me. Maybe. . .

'Sis, maybe you should push against the thing that is pulling us toward it.'

I smiled, but I let her have her moment. I didn't want to argue about who thought of this idea first, since we were both currently using the same grey matter. I reached out with the. . .hand. . .tentacle. . .thing that I had let go with and grabbed onto the thing we were going toward. In the instant that I grasped hold we were there.

I rubbed my behind as I climbed to my feet. "Ow"

"Who are you?" This was said by a man sitting next to a hospital bed. There was a Jamie in the bed, but she looked really pale. The machines I had envisioned were there as well. I was trying to figure out who this guy could possibly be. Ok, so he probably wasn't much older than we were. His anger changed into confusion. "Jamie?" He looked from the bed to me to the bed again. He got out of the chair and started walking toward me.

"I know I look like her. . ."
"But you're not her, are you. You're not Jamie. I'm sorry for bothering you. Can you leave please?"

'What are we going to do, Sis. He wants her to wake up, and we can't tell him we're going to steal her body.'

'Is it really stealing if you are in there? Isn't possession nine tenths of the law?'

She giggled at my bad joke. 'I'm not sure we should do that to him.'

'Couldn't we ask him?'

'I don't know.'

Well, since I was in charge, I took charge. "Excuse me. . ."

"I thought I asked you to leave. You remind me too much of Jamie."

"How much do you know about Jamie?"

"We met at the sanitarium. I was there because I tried to kill myself. She heard voices. She said they were trying to kill her."

"Are you always this open with strangers?"

He chuckled sadly. "Like I said, you remind me of her."

"You know she wasn't insane, right?"

"I wanted to believe her. I just couldn't believe that there was anything beyond this reality."

"In other words, she said that there were a whole bunch of realities, all stacked on top of each other?"

"Something like that."

"And that she was in all of them?"

"All of them she could touch. . ."

"Hi, My name is Jamie."

His jaw dropped. Then his expression changed. "I don't believe you my Jamie is gone, and you can't replace her."

"I'm not trying to replace her, but a friend of mine will need to take her body."

"It's all I have left. We were going to get married eventually. You can't have her! NURSE!"

We ducked out of the room. There as a huge male nurse coming toward us. We ran down the hall with him in hot pursuit. 'Jams, just take the body. We'll sort it out later.'

'He'll know something is up, I won't remember common things.'

'Pretend you have amnesia or something.'

'Well, that might work.'

I continued to run for my life for a few moments, and then I felt Jams start to panic. 'I can't get out. There is some sort of barrier keeping me in.'

I felt the nurses hand on my shoulder, and had to dodge to the right to get out of his reach. I had to move smarter, since I wasn't going to be faster than him. I dodged right down a side corridor and pulled a gurney I passed so that it blocked the hallway behind me. I glanced behind to see what the nurse would do just in time to see him hurdle it without breaking stride.

'Crap.'

I think both of us said that at the same time. I kept changing direction, but he was always just a step or two behind me.

I saw the fire stairs ahead and pushed through the door. Instead of going down the stairs I went halfway down and started hopping the hand rails, snaking from one stairway to another. The space between the top of the rail and the bottom of the upper stairs wasn't big enough for the nurse to follow the same way, so we started to pull ahead. . .at least until he started jumping from landing to landing.

'I think he's into parkour, Sis'

'What?'

'I'll explain later. Just keep moving.'

I was a couple of flights below him when I hit the ground floor and rushed through it. I was outside. I ran over to the parking lot, and hid myself between two cars, putting the tire between me and the hospital.

I heard the door slam open, and then the sound of heavy footfalls for a moment or two.

"Damn it.! I lost her. Did you see where she went on the camera out here?"

'Camera!?'

Again, we spoke simultaneously. I thought for a moment, and then got down on my stomach and started crawling under the car furthest from the hospital. It tore up my hands a bit, and my nightgown got dirty. My feet had already gotten torn up a bit when we ran across the parking lot. I didn't know what they were using to surface the road, but it felt like broken glass. I was getting small cuts on my front now, so I figured I was tearing up my nightgown as well.
I stopped under the third car. I saw the nurses white shoes moving around between the cars. I tried to breathe quieter.

"I don't see her." He paused for a moment or two. "Ok. I'll head back up to the ward. Keep the entrances locked down for a couple of hours so she can't get back in."

I watched as the shoes walked away. You know what I mean. I got up and looked at my eyes in the side mirror of the car I had been hiding under. They were almost completely orange.

'But, we made a connection, didn't we?'

'I don't know, Sis. But we're about taped out, and will probably need at least a full night's sleep to recharge again.'

We got on the grass and walked over to the sidewalk. It would be a long walk home from here. At the time I didn't even think about how far home really was. I was tired and almost falling asleep.

As we were walking a black car with blue neon piping pulled over in front of us. "'Scuse me miss. Can I scan your ID please.?" A police officer in a black uniform got out of the car. The steering wheel was on the wrong side, so he got out on our side.

He pulled a wand of some sort off his belt and ran it over my left wrist. Nothing happened, so I did it again. He tried once more on my right wrist. "Control, I've got a girl, about 10 years old, no ID and walking around in a torn nightgown." He paused like the nurse had. "Ok, I'll bring her into the station so that we can get positive identification." He turned to me, and gestured toward the car. "Would you mind, miss?"

The rear door moved out away from the car and then rotated out of the way. The interior of the back was roomier than the last police car I had been in. I climbed in and the door closed behind me, sealing me in. I couldn't see out at all. As soon as the car started moving, the lights went out. I sat there in the darkness, listening to the sound of my own breathing. I could barely feel any acceleration at all.

'Jams?' The instant I though this, I felt a blinding headache come on. I put my hands to my head and cried out in pain.

'Sis?' Again the pain. "Don't speak while we're in here." I said this last aloud, knowing she would hear me, and hoping that they wouldn't be listening, but I had the feeling that they would be. These people had technology that I could not understand at all.

I felt the car accelerate a lot more than it had before. It seemed to coincide with my first thought to Jams. Could they possibly be tapping into that somehow? I'd know soon enough because we began to decelerate as quickly as we had accelerated.

We came to a stop and the door I had entered opened up again. The cop was wearing a sort of helmet made out of a silver mesh. It looked a lot like a chainmail coif, except it only covered his hair. "Miss, you have been found in violation of the Psi Edict of 2204. Your demonstrable ability with, and use of, psionics has been recorded and sentence passed. You will be transported to a Sanitarium for the Psychologically Dangerous for the remainder of your natural days."
What in the world had I gotten myself into. I felt an answering thought. We didn't try to talk to each other because I feared a repeat of the pain from earlier. They took me into the building and processed me. I expected to be finger printed and photographed, but that was only the beginning. They took blood. They photographed my retinas. They put a chip into my left hand. They discovered I was physically a boy.

They brought out boy clothing. "You will dress in this." Said the gruff officer who now replaced the female officer who had been processing me.

I opened my mouth to protest, but he interrupted me. "The charge for sexual deviance of a minor has been suspended assuming you had no choice in your attire. Your hair will be shaved as is the hair of all male inmates."

I shut my mouth and dressed in the clothing. It was scratchy and the underwear was uncomfortable. The machine beeped. The officers eyes rose. "You're fourteen? Looks like we'll need a full body scan. Strip please." He said please, but there was no leeway in his tone.

I quickly stripped and he pushed me into a cabinet. Some lights and clicking noises went on for a minute or two. When the light and sound show stopped he opened up the box.

"I don't know where you grew up, but I'm sorry for my earlier attitude." The officer looked completely different with a smile. "You're lead a really hard life, haven't you, Young Buck."

I nodded and he continued, "Your Father beat you quite a bit, Huh?"

"Step-father"

"No excuse for that. He the one who dressed you as a girl?"

I needed him to help me as much as he could, so I lied with my body. I nodded.

"I'm so sorry, Young Buck. What's your name?"

"Jamie Paxton"

"Isn't Jamie a bit of a girl's name?" asked the officer. He didn't seem hostile, so I thought I'd help him out.

"James, my name is James."

"How bout we call you Jim then. It's a nice manly name."

I just nodded. I tried to be grateful to the officer, but it was hard not to cry. Luckily he mistook my reason for crying.

"It's ok, Little Man. That criminal is never going to touch you again. He probably never even told you that public Psi use was illegal."

I just shook my head.

"Get dressed. Ok, I'll tell you what, Jim. You go quietly to the sanitarium, and I'll see what I can do about getting you out of there. Just remember that you can't use any Psi while you're there. Don't even think Psi thoughts. No talking to others remotely. No trying to move items you aren't touching. Just do everything normal. Talk with your mouth and move with your body."

Sure, he wanted me to be a boy, but he wasn't a bad person overall. If he could really get me out of this place, then I would do my best. I suddenly had a thought that scared me.

"Is controlling your dreams Psi use?"

"As long as you only control your own dreams, and don't get into anyone else's head and control their dreams, you are perfectly fine."

I smiled for the first time since I'd felt that first blinding headache. We wouldn't be able to talk while awake, but at least Jams and I could talk when we were asleep.

I hated my boy clothes already, but I would live with them while I was in this world. I felt a nod in my head, but no pain. It seemed that their sensors only detected speech, not the other sense that I seemed to have for what Jams was doing. She smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I assumed that she was saying that she agreed. That and she could read my louder thoughts.

They shaved my head, and removed my earrings. I tried to "man up" but it was hard when all I wanted to do was crawl into a corner and cry.

At this point processing was done, and I was led to where a number of other kids my age were sitting. Most of them had lots of piercings or tattoos. One boy had the sides of his head shaved shorter than the rest of his close shaven head and he had a strange sun pattern engraved into the skin on both sides of his head.

I really mean engraved. It was like a reverse scar. It went into his skin about an eighth of an inch. No hair grew on the lines. "It's not safe to stare too intently at one of the priests of the Sun god."

I turned to look at the speaker. It was a girl about my age. "I thought they didn't shave girl's hair here." She said to me continuing.

"They don't. I'm a boy."

"You don't look like one to me."

I smiled and blushed. "Well, the machine says I am, so it must be right."

"The machine also says that I use Psi, which can't be true either. My parents had my Psi nexus removed from my brain when I was born. They didn't want to worry about something like this happening."

"Maybe you just don't know you can use psi with it removed?"

"You really are cute," She replied. "The Psi nexus is what generates all known Psi powers."

"Um, what about unknown ones?"
She stopped, blinked, and then blushed bright red. "I never thought about that."

"And without your Psi nexus, you probably don't even know if you're using it."

"Well, I do know that I don't feel the pain they say I should when using my 'power' in here. What am I going to do?" She began to cry a little bit. I put my arms around her and held her and cried a bit myself.

"Look, a sissy boy's huggin' little miss mind melter." I turned to see one of the bigger boys getting up and walking toward us.

"Mind melter?"

"He means a Psi user."

"No, I mean a scum sucking mind melter. You deserve what's going to happen to you at the sanitarium."

She shuddered and went pale. "Leave her alone." I said and got up to stand between King Kong and Fae Rae.

"What's you going to do, sissy boy? Cry on me until I wrinkle into a prune? Or maybe you'll trade that sweet little body of yours for hers."

The way he was looking at me made me really uncomfortable. I decided it was time to make a stand. I hoped my sense forgave me. I was supposed to only use my training for defense only.

"Look, you imbecile. The lady asked you to back off. I asked you to back off. Now, if you don't back off, I'll have to make you."

"Look, at this, people, the sissy boy thinks he's a real man now." I had turned his upper body to look at everyone else in the room. As he finished, he twisted his upper body and shoulders bringing his fist around in what would likely have been a life ending punch for me, if I'd still been there.

"Rule number one, worm, never take your eyes off your opponent. Grandstanding is for idiots and politicians." I said this as I threw an uppercut to his ribs. This was just to get his attention. He threw his arm back toward me, so I obliged him by catching it and twisting it into a lock. I kneed him in the ribs a couple of times, and then straightened my leg, forcefully, and planted the heel of my foot into his knee. It popped out sideways with a sickening crunch.

He collapsed to the floor cradling his knee. I sat back down next to the girl, and she leaned into me. "Thanks," she whispered to me and kissed me on the cheek. I blushed. "I still think you're a girl." She continued. "You move to fast to be one of these boys. They use their size and power, not their minds, to beat people down."

I wasn't sure if that was a compliment to me, or an insult to the other boys, but I took it how I wanted to: a compliment on my femininity.

It was another five or ten minutes before an officer finally came into the room. It was the one who had befriended me. He walked over to the boy who was still groaning on the floor, picked him up by the scruff of the neck, and half dragged him out of the room.

A couple of minutes later, he returned. "Jim, a word please." I got up and went over to him.

"The only reason that you aren't in more trouble is because I watched that whole interaction. I know someone with training when I see it. I don't ever want to see, or hear about, you picking a fight like that again."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he shushed me.

"Don't give me any of that. I know you escalated that fight expecting him to take a swing at you. You got your prince charming moment, don't do it again."

"What if he attacks me?"

"People like that one usually only prey on perceived weakness. They know that anytime you're awake, you're a dangerous target. Get someone you can trust to bunk with in there. It will keep you a bit safer at night. If they attack you first, without any provocation, protect yourself. Just don't go picking any more fights, or there might not be anything I can do to get you out of there."

I nodded and went back over to sit next to the girl. She leaned into me again. I felt really weird about it. Having her lean on me just didn't feel right for some reason.

"My name is Mary Pierce." She said after a little while. I felt Jams' eyes open wide. I tried my best not to jump up and step away. She felt me tense up. "Something wrong, Jim?"

"No, Mary. Nothing's wrong. I knew a Mary once, and your name startled me with a memory of her."

"Not a bad one I hope," she said with a flirtatious little pout.

We are so screwed, "No, Mary, she was almost like a mother to me. Only the your name reminds me of her."

What in the world was I going to do now. My counselor was hitting on me.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 9:
One flew over

I found out later that we were kept in the waiting room for two reasons: It is easier to process a group of inmates at one time, than to do so individually; they wanted some of the freaks to get attacked before they were separated off from the convicts.

It seemed a really cruel system, but I saw what motivated it. They were afraid of those who had more power than they did. After seeing what the Beast had accomplished, I could understand that fear. At this point in the story, however, I knew nothing about any of this.

I sat there, uncomfortable, with Mary leaning into me for comfort that I was unable, or unwilling, to give. I still don't know which it was.

"Alright you lot of malcontents, listen up. Everyone on their way to the juvenile facility, stand up and move over to the green door. You know who you are. Move!"

Most of the individuals in the room got up and lined up before the green door. They shuffled out, and the police sergeant walked out of the room. There were only four of us left in the waiting room. The two who had been sitting on their own, another girl and a boy, moved over next to Mary and myself. The room began to fill up again, more rough looking types, with the occasional scared, fresh face, that I was starting to associate with people in my condition.

I'm not sure whether it was the police themselves, or some other criminal pseudo-telepathy, but there weren't any fights with this next group. A couple of the rougher types started to insult the innocent looking ones, but their buddies would nudge them, and gesture in my direction. I did my best to help the situation. I sneered. Hey, I was in drama, remember?

One or two went pale, a couple just swallowed. One guy got a really wierd look on his face, and his eyes went out of focus. He shook himself, blushed, and looked away. I really didn't want to know what thought process had caused that.

It took a couple of hours, but then the seargeant was back, the convicts shuffled out, and we were left with twelve. They grouped around me again. I began to feel a little uncomfortable. I had no idea why this was happening. It seems that these people were looking to me for protection, and I had no idea what I had done to evoke that response.

At this point I had been sitting here for about three hours. Mary was already here when I came in. I wondered how long she had been sitting here. I looked at the clock. It displayed 4am. I didn't dare fall asleep yet. More people started coming in. It seemed as though I was seeing a sizeable portion of the city come through.

"How can all of these people be arrested in this precinct alone?"

Mary looked up at me, as if coming out of a daze. "This is a routing center. All of the people who get arrested in the county come here."

That made a little more sense. There were about seven million people in the city and county surrounding it. I could easily see such a small percentage being arrested in such a relatively short timeframe. As I was thinking these thoughts, a group of kids was ushered into the room. They all seemed terrified. The oldest couldn't have been more than eight, and the youngest was probably five. There were seven of them.

We had come here to find a new body for Jams, but what had we found. The sheer oppression of even the most innocent of their people struck something within me and I began to cry. I couldn't help it. These were children. They couldn't know any better, and yet they were grouped with the teenagers going off to the sanitarium.

"Everyone take charge of one of the children," I heard someone speak, and it took a moment to realize it had been me.

We opened up our ranks a bit so that the children were surrounded by our presence. The other teens began to quietly talk to the children next to them, reassuring them about what the future might bring.

"Are you going to be my Mommy now?" asked a sweet little girl of about five or six who sat next to me.

"I'm not old enough to be your Mommy, sweetie."

"My old mommy didn't want me. She said I was evil, so she gave me to the police."

"It's ok, Honey." I didn't really feel it would be ok, but I needed her to feel relaxed.

"It's ok that you don't believe what you're saying, I know you mean well."

I'm not sure what shocked me more: the fact that she was reading my mind, or the fact that there was no pain when she did it. Weren't the same pain devices in place here as in the squad car?

"The pain devices are in the cars, because the psi shields are too big to fit in them. We can't get beyond this room, so they figure we should be able to do what we want here."

"Can they monitor us?"

Mary looked up at me like I was crazy. "Don't you know anything? Psi shields are complete. Nothing in or out. They can't monitor us because of the shield, and we can't affect them."

"I'm not from around here."

'Jams, are you ok? They didn't do anything to you did they?'

'I'm ok, Sis. I've hated not being able to talk to you at all, since you are the only one who can hear me.'

"Silly, other people can hear you, especially when you are so loud," said the little girl beside me. A few of the others laughed as well. "Why are there two of you in your head?"

I spent the next couple of hours explaining who I was, and where I was from. I told them about Jams dying, and the whole thing from beginning to end. I'm not sure if they beleived me, but they accepted my story.

"When you go back, can you take us with you?" This little girl seemed so lost, but I had no idea what to tell her. "My name is Naomi."

"Well, Naomi, I don't know if I can take you. So far I have only been able to take myself."

"I might be able to help there." said one of the older boys. He was probably about sixteen.

"How's that," I asked.

"I am a gestalt."

"A what?"

"I am able to share abilities from one person to another temporarily. Share the load in other words."

I looked at him a little strangely. This all seemed a little too convenient.

"I really can do it. Here, let me show you. Give me your hand, Naomi." She trustingly reached out her hand to him. "Now you, Milady." He said this last with a little grin. As soon as our hands touched, I could suddenly hear all of the thoughts around me. It took a moment or two to filter them out, but I was able to focus in and start listening to those around me. I turned back to the person who had enabled this just in time to see his grin change into something colder.

"Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. When are you going to learn that I am always out here waiting."

A shiver ran down my spine. "Beast." I whispered.

"See, you did miss me. Got it in one." His smile was like death, and his eyes like empty graves. "This child thought himself better than you, Jamie. No wonder really. He thought himself safe from, how did he put it? My pitiful attempts at mind games. Well, you saw how quickly he fell."

"Leave him alone!"

"Too late for that, Jamie-doll. Tory's left the building. It's all James in here all the time. WHOOO!!" HE tossed his head while saying this last bit. He almost seemed a caricature of himself.

One of the other younger girls walked up behind the Beast and put her hand to his head. He collapse, his eyes rolling back into his head. "Go away, bad man. Leave us alone."

Tory got up off the floor rubbing his head a little. "What happened?"

"You know damn well what happened. You tried to borrow my power and ended up almost becoming breakfast."

"I don't feel so good." He said right before he threw up on the floor.

"Alright, freaks. To the red door. Let's get you all to your new home and away from the people. MOVE!!!"

They marched us out to the bus. It had no windows like the police car. We were shoved in, and the door was shut behind us.

"I'm scared, Jamie."

"Me too."

A chorus of little voices, and some not so little, joined these.

"It's all right, little ones. They're just taking us to the sanitarium. We'll worry about that when we get there. For now, hold hands with the person next to you and think about better times."

"I don't remember better times."

Suddenly I felt very Julie Andrews, and it was all I could do not to break into song. My singing voice makes babies cry.

I decided to tell them a story instead:
A long time ago, in England, there lived a king. He ruled his people well, and his knights were known for their bravery and adherence to justice. He ruled them as an equal. They sat in council, not at an ordinary rectangular table with a head and a foot, and levels of inequality in between, but at a round table where all were equal in the sight of their god.

Arthur was the name of this king.

There were many knights who followed him for a time. There were some who followed him for their lives.

There were some later besmirched by men of lesser caliber trying to explain why an ideal died with the progenitor of it.

In this story, we follow two knights: Lancelot and his son Galahad.

Galahad is not a youth when he joins the others at the round table. He is already renowned for his swordsmanship, and his physical beauty.

Lancelot has another part to play.

"You can't be seen here, Lance. Mab's already been spreading lies about us."

"You require a protector, My Queen. I shall not step a foot inside your room, as you cannot step outside it. No one else stands forth to protect you."

"That's because they think we have betrayed the king."

I stood there for a moment, my back to the locked door. I looked out on the courtyard where the other knights practiced. "Do you think my husband will ever trust me again?"

"You must not think this way, My Queen. Your husband loves you, as do we all. His love is only greater in degree."

I smiled, my back still to the door. I cared for all of my husband's knights, and thought of them as brothers.

"What do you here, Cur?"

"I protect My Queen's honor, as no one else will do so?"

"The honor that you yourself stole?"

I heard the sound of metal on metal as someone drew there sword. I spun to see Lance offering his sword to Arthur hilt first.
"If you truly believe that I could betray you in this manner, then strike me down with my own sword. Give me the traitors death I would so richly deserve."

There was a gleam in Arthur's eye as he took Lance's sword. Lancelot knelt before his king. His head bowed. His lips moved in a silent prayer.

Arthur raised the sword above his head, and hesitated. I dared not move, or even to cry out. I knew he was testing me at the moment more than he tested his knight, whose courage everyone knew.

I calmed my countenance. "Husband, do as you will. This man means no more to me than any other knight. Like any knight, I will mourn his loss, but as his liege it is your right." I looked calmly on as Arthur brought the sword back for a full swing and threw it across the room.

Lance did not flinch.

"Rise, friend. I heard today the source of this foul rumor. It seems Mab tries once again to break up my kingdom. Open up her Majesty's door."

A key rattled in the lock, and I was let once again into my husband's embrace. "Forgive me for my lack of faith, Wife."

"There is nothing to forgive, Husband."

The bus stopped abruptly at this point. The children all wanted to hear more, which I promised to give to them later. Jams smiled at me. 'I love that dream.'

They took us into a drab windowless building. What was with these people and artificial lighting. 'Maybe it's to keep people from looking in?'

I thought for a moment before answering her, 'I think it's to keep us from looking out.'

We were led into a small room with shower heads along all the walls.

"Strip" a sexless voice demanded from a speaker in the ceiling.

We looked at each other wondering where the boys and girls would go to be separate. "Strip now, all of you."

We quickly removed our clothing, standing naked in the shower room. "Close your eyes!" said one of the others urgently. I didn't wait to ask questions. I closed my eyes. Almost instantly I felt the sting of the not quite water beat down on my skin. The chemical stink of it filled the air. The beating went on for a minute or two before the voice began and the water stopped in the same instant. "Move to the exit."
We shuffled to the exit. We walked, naked, down a glass lined corridor. "These are your fellow inmates. Welcome to hell." We watched the slack faces of the other people lined along the outside of the glass. Some of them were children like those with me. Others were much older. The sight sickened me.

I caught a gleam in Tory's eye before he saw me watching, and then he showed the horror that showed in the other children's eyes. There was certainly something wrong with Tory.

We got to the end of the corridor, and they clothed us in identical grey jumpsuits. They were only one size, with drawstrings to adjust it from there. The littlest children looked like the Michelin man. Suddenly I knew that they planned for us to be here a long time. The old people had lived their entire lives in here. The realization made me want to vomit.

"Jamie, are you ok?" Mary asked me. "I can feel your anguish."

It made sense that Mary would be empathic. 'Move over counselor Troi.' Jams said with a grin.

'Who?'

She was a bit flabbergasted.

The voice guided us along to our new quarters. I never saw a living being, besides the patients, that entire first day. We huddled in the empty room wondering what would happen to us now.

The doors locked. "There will be no food until you take your medicine."

Little cups appeared next to the name plates at the head of each bed. I put the pills in my mouth and pushed them to another reality. It felt as though smaller objects required less energy.

I knew what my pills felt like, so I tried to push all of the other pills in the room to join them. I had to walk halfway down the room before I was sure that they were all gone, and then I almost passed out. Mary helped me to my bed, and went to get my dinner for me. I would have to figure a better way to keep us all clean.

We ate breakfast, returned our trays to the receptacles in the room, and the doors locked again. "Sleep now so your medication will take proper effect." The lights went out as soon as the last person got into bed.

Someone began to sing a soft lullaby, and we all went to sleep.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it's who you kill to get there, and how much enjoyment it brings.

Chapter 10, part A
I can't decide whether you should live or die.

!!!WARNING!!!
The content included in this chapter is of a stronger nature than other chapters in this book. It is currently included as a part of the story, but may be omitted based on future revision. Read at your own risk. Read comment below for more information.

From the journal of Tory Hollerith

Sometimes a little change is for the good. Sometimes it's for the best. Likw when I slaughtered my parents like the pigs they were. My father was abusive, and my mother was a good for nothing enabler. I'm glad that Brian pushed me to see my true calling in life. Right now, I'm pretending to be Tory. It is giving me the opportunity to scout out my enemy, without them becoming any the wiser.

When that little bitch put her hands on me, I had a moment of fear, as I felt my essence being pushed from the quiescent body of Tory. I managed to get a finger hold and hang on. She'll get her's soon enough. They all will.

Can you believe that story she told us yesterday? How could someone as blind to the realities of the universe have even repulsed me once. It must be this second entity in her mind with her. I'm sure it must be a parasite of some sort, telling her what she wants to hear so that it can keep feeding on her life energy. I can't believe that I never thought of that tactic myself. It certainly led me to try this little experiment out.

Jamie actually wasted energy on us before lights out to push away the drugs they gave us to control us. I was about to get rid of my own, but I am fully willing to let her waste her enegry. I spent a little energy myself to hold onto my pills, just making her expend that much more. I think she was almost fully tapped out when she got done. Now, I just need to keep her there while I work out how I will prove her final humiliation.

I've never raped one of my alternates before. I might have to give it a try this time. She's really caused me no end of aggrivation. Whatever I do, it has to be special, just for her. Something imaginative.

Hmm. I wonder if they have a healer in this place.

I found a healer in my own world once. They had the most delicious mind I have ever tasted.

There's an idea, keep the healer alive and free so I can keep Jamie alive a lot longer than she would normally last. It will keep some hope alive in her that she might just get out of it. Then, when the time is right, kill the healer. I will be able to watch the hope die in her eyes as I begin one last time. The agony in her soul will be delicious indeed.

I look around at all the other rats in this maze. I can't help but chuckle at all of their earnest expressions. They all look to Jamie as a savior.

I guess I should explain this journal a bit. When the lights came back on, these journals were in the recepticle at the head of our beds. They really get into all of this automated care, don't they. I'm surprised they don't just kill us and get it over with, unless they are keeping us here for some possible future purpose?

That's something I need to consider when I go back home. Maybe I should form a cadre of psi users with myself at the lead. My own Sith training academy? Or something.

So the voice tells us to record our thoughts. I wonder what they will make of these thoughts? Not that I care. I don't have to stay here in Tory's body. The minute they try something I will flit back to my other body, and they'll be stuck with a cooling corpse.

I wonder what will happen when they discover Jamie's deception with the medicines. I'm sure no-one knows what exactly she did walking up and down the ward after people took their medicines, well except for the mind readers. That means it is between myself, and a couple of others, to give up her secret.

Sure, one of the others might let it slip accidentally, but I'm trying to sabotage her, so I have a much better probability of success.
---
We've gone to lunch, and had another lights out period. I wonder, are the pills a distraction? Could the food be the real source of the anti-psi drugs? that would be real irony there. You spend all your time working on getting rid of the obvious pills only to drug yourself when you fill your body's physical needs.

I may have to mention something to Jamie, just to keep the game interesting. I wouldn't want it to be over before it begins.
---
I didn't write much the last time because this begins to bore me. Sure, planning is one thing, but I can't enact any of my plans in here. It is just waiting and waiting.

Ok. I can do this.

I do have something to write now, though. We had a 'free period' this afternoon. We were let out into the common area after our third meal here. If they're putting drugs in the meals, then it is likely in the first two only.

I sat down to play Jamie at chess. I figured it would be something that she had learned at some point. It seems to be a commonality of the type. I was surprised at her strategies. I expected her to use her knights more, like I do myself. She seems to spend most of her time on her pawns. She even got three of them to the eighth row in a single game once. We are much more evenly matched than I would have thought.

Well, here we go. The voice has ordered us to put our journals into the receptacle. I see some scared faces and can only smile at what I know will be revealed to our so called masters.
---
It's been a full day since we gave them our books. Nothing much has happened. I am getting better at predicting Jamie's moves at chess, and think I might actually be seeing something of her thought processes.

I got something extra in my slot. A knife. Most everyone else was checking to see that what they had written was still there, and so missed me slipping it under my pillow. It is a large thing, with a nice hilt. I think it might be a tanto or other Japanese weapon. I think they want to see whether what I wrote was for show or not. I have the perfect show in mind for them.
---
The smell of blood and shit and piss is intoxicating. I felt sorry to have to wash it off. I watched as the water sluiced it off my skin. As usual, I killed in the nude, so as to leave no evidence on my clothing. I hate walking around in bloody clothing. It spoils the game.

It was the little bitch who I killed. I love taking innocence in this way. I sliced her slowly while she screamed for Jamie to save her. No one heard. Our masters made sure of that, and I proved their tolerance by pushing even my own perversion.

She took almost an hour to die.

I washed her blood from my skin with regret, but not before I truly reveled in it. She almost made me rethink my promise never to drink blood again.

I slipped out of the showers where I killed her and back into the room. I left the knife still in the body, positioned for maximum effect.

Let's see if I can maneuver Jamie to be the first one into the shower to see my artwork.
---
I awoke this morning to find another knife in my receptacle. I hear a scream coming from the bathroom. I look quickly and a smile of triumph splits my face. Jamie saw it first.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 10, part B:
Who are you? Who, who. Who, who.

I woke up after the lights came back on, and there was a book in the receptacle. It had Journal printed on the cover. There was no way I was going to put anything that these crazy people running the asylum could use against me, so I wrote about nothing in particular. I wrote about sunshine and daisies.

It is something that my writing teacher used to talk about. She said that if we had nothing else to write about, spend some time writing about something familiar to us. Just spend time writing. She set us an assignment to write as much as we could that night about sunshine and daisies. I started by writing about how stupid it was to write about sunshine and daisies, by the time I had finished with twenty pages I no longer thought the assignment was stupid.

Try it yourself sometime. Start by writing about the way that sunlight lightly touches the yellow color of the flower, adding a translucence to the petal, and giving a sense of depth. . .

Yeah, I don't want to give all of my secrets away.

So I spent the time before out next meal writing about sunshine and daisies.

I wondered what they would take away from the experience. I know I felt more relaxed than I had in days. We went to lunch. When we got back, it was lights out again. I slept again. The lights came on again and we were told to write. I spent some more time free writing, but since I had done enough daisies, I decided to start writing about vacuum. You know, like in space? I wanted to see how many words it would take me to completely describe a perfect vacuum. I was still writing when they let us go to dinner.

'You will be allowed into the common area after dinner."

That was at least something different. After a morning spent writing and sitting around, everyone in their own silent world, I wondered what the common area would be like.

Something occurred to me. The children hadn't been noisy all morning. I looked at them and they seemed a bit lethargic. I walked over to one of the little telepaths.

"What's your name, sweetie?"

"I'm Lucy."

"Are you feeling ok, Lucy?"

"The light is funny in here. It makes my eyes hurt, and my head feel soft."

I was starting to feel worried. "Can you read my thoughts, Lucy?"

"I'm sorry, the light hurts too much."
I had spent the energy to get rid of the pills for nothing. I think that was just a test of our obedience. What was this place? Why were they doing this? I tried something I had never done before. I thought about something I wanted to connect with. I focused on the texture and shape and color. I thought of reaching out and plucking it from the tree, and matched my movements to my thoughts.

Next thing I knew, there was a fresh granny smith apple in my hand. Lucy clapped at that, and for a moment her pain was gone. I gave her the apple, and she ate it quickly and messily. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed.

Dinner was the same as breakfast and lunch. A protein bar washed down with water. I almost wished in that moment that I had eaten the apple instead of Lucy. Seeing how the pain in her eyes had returned, however, I couldn't begrudge her that little joy.

We ate it silence, and then moved into the common area. There were some ping pong tables, and a piano. Off to one side there was a TV and a couch. On the other side of the room was a chess table with three chess sets on it. I wanted to sit down and see what passed as TV in this world.

"Jamie, come play chess with me." Tory grabbed my arm and practically dragged me to the chess table. He had been a little strange today, smirking at everyone and giggling to himself as he wrote. I didn't really want to play chess with him.

"I want to just relax for a bit, Tory. Maybe watch some TV."

"Anyone can watch TV, Jamie. Chess takes some real skill."

"Come on, Tory. I'm a bit tired after all this writing."

He smirked at that. "Afraid to lose to little ole me?"

This really seemed to mean a lot to him, so I decided to play his game with him at least this once. I always felt sorry for the little pawns.

I read Through the Looking Glass one summer, and it really made me feel for the pawns on the board after that. I saw all of them as Alice, and wanted them all to be queen. So I did my best to use all of my other pieces to clear the way for them. I know, it's not really a winning strategy, but I was happy every time that I got a pawn to the eighth row.

My playing method really seemed to bother Tory. He couldn't decide if he was mad or not. I think the time I took his queen with one of my pawns, because his king got into revealed check from my queen really bothered him. I got three pawns to the eighth row that game.

Over all, I got twelve pawns home out of six games. I made a lot of little Alices happy.

We still had some time to watch TV after he got bored. I sat with the other children on the couch and we watched a strange mix of shows from my world. I can't really describe it, and I'm sure the point was lost on me, but everyone else seemed to enjoy it. I stopped really paying attention when the main character started saying, "Kawa, kawa, Hey KAWA!!" and everyone laughed. I was completely lost.

About an hour later we went back to our room.

A lot of the others immediately began writing in the books, even without the command to do so. Everyone else seemed to already be conditioned to follow their orders. I wondered what was going on here. It didn't make any sense to me. They were all getting the same glassy eyed looks that the other inmates had when we walked down the corridor this morning. The children were further along than the teenagers, but they were all getting there.

What made me different. What was protecting me.

'Jams, do you have any idea what's going on here? Why aren't we affected?'

'Huh? Affected by what? I think you should be writing.'

I suddenly knew what made me different, and I panicked a little. What happened when Jams was fully overcome?

I had to think positively. She seemed to be taking the bullet for me on this one, so I needed to make the most of the time I had left. I looked around, and noticed that most of them were silently writing in their journals. Tory, still had the same smirk on his face. I really had to watch that one. Something just wasn't right about him.

"Place your journals in the receptacles."

Well, I did as I was instructed, trying to match the dead actions of the others. I was going to need to find a healer after I got everyone out of here. That shouldn't be too much of a problem, but it would need to be somewhere other than this world.

"Prepare for sleep."

We all lay down and the lights turned off. I tossed and turned for a while, and then finally fell asleep. I had some really strange dreams. Jams was always there, and never really reacted. I'm not sure if it was really her, as it could have been my own fears about her.

I didn't know what to do for her. She was so dead. I thought about when she lost her life. I felt her die.

I haven't written about it truly before, because I always felt it was private to her. However I felt her dying again.

She had grown colder and colder, and lost her focus.

Now, she was losing focus, but there was no physiological reason.

It killed me a little inside.

I really have no words to explain how I felt right now. It was as if the very will to write had seeped from my soul. It was. . .

It was a field of daisies, brown in winter and waiting for the first snow. There is no grass. There are no leaves. There is no more sunlight, and it will never rise again. The moon glows red, and blood drips from the very atmosphere.

I got a little smile thinking about that. It actually helped me to organize my thoughts.

Loosing Jamie is not losing a friend, or a sibling, or lover. Loosing Jamie is losing myself. It would be like waking one morning and realizing you had only one leg, and one arm.

I had to figure a way out of here, or I would live my life without an arm and a leg.

I couldn't leave any of these children here.

I suddenly had a thought.

I might not personally be able to return to my Mary, but she and Frank would be able to take all of these children and give them a life.

They had the contacts to place them. I was sure that this would be a great way to resolve this little issue. No, to figure out how to get all of them out of her with me, and then get them healed and off to Mary.

I awoke with a smile.

We went and showered like we had the previous morning. I was still bothered by all the communal showers they had here.

We went to breakfast, and this time we weren't alone in the dining hall. It seems that all of the people in the sanitarium were in the room with us. The room was packed and it was silent. They all ate mechanically, and I looked at all of them to see if anyone else was like me. Even Tory had lost his animation of yesterday. I began to notice that most people were in synch with their motions. There were a few in the room that were moving at their own pace. I looked directly at one, and he saluted me with his meal brick. About one in ten were like me, at their own pace, but pretending to be mechanical in their actions.

I went along with them, trying my best to blend in. I knew if someone was really paying attention that we would be noticed. What they did about it would really depend on whether or not anyone who was watching cared.

We finished the brick and went back to our room for the morning sleep.

I wasn't tired, so I sat there looking at the darkness. I can thankfully say that while looking into the darkness, the darkness never looked into me.

I shook myself at the thought. If I continued thinking these thoughts, I would drive myself insane.

I had to plan what I would do. How was I going to connect to all of the others, when none of them could help me.

It would have to be related to how I connected to Jams. This worlds detectors had discovered me doing it, so I must be broadcasting beyond myself. I tried to touch anyone at all in the room with me. I reached out, and felt, and stretched.

It was as if I was running into a brick wall. I tried to push against the wall. I failed. I mentally took a run at the wall and crashed into it. I passed out. I didn't wake up until everyone returned from the next meal. That scared me a little. It had been fairly early in the sleep period when I had tried to attack the wall, and here it was about four hours later I'm only just waking up.

I needed to be a lot more careful about what I did. I could wake up dead next time. There was only a finite amount of energy I could use.

I sat there and thought about it for a while. I reached out my hand to the wall and felt along it. It felt pebbled. It wasn't a solid after all. I pushed my hand slowly into the surface and it passed into it. The less pressure I used the easier it was to permeate the wall. I slipped into the wall. A great vista opened up before me.

I had no idea what it was that I was seeing. I looked around me, and saw a faint yellow ribbon flowing from me. I could see my energy level here, and saw with a bit of fear that I only had about a hundred or so feet of ribbon left in me. There was room in me for a lot more than that, so I had to assume that I started short when I came in here.

I was losing ribbon at about a foot a minute. Not too fast, but I only had about a hundred feet left.

I lost a couple of feet while I sat there trying to decide what to do: Stay and explore, or run home. I grabbed onto the ribbon to see if I could stop it, and felt myself pulled through the wall. I saw myself lying in bed and the lights come on. I slipped back into myself.

We went to dinner.

I was getting tired of meal bricks.

We went to the common room after dinner. Most of the inmates went and sat in front of the TV. A few went and played ping pong. A couple went over and pretended to play chess.

They were pretending, because none of the moves were correct. What were they doing?

I sat and watched them move the pieces. There was an art to it. There was a. . .language to it. I really didn't want to be here long enough to learn that language, but I walked closer and watched anyway.

One of the young men there gestured me toward the remaining open seat.

I had a thought and pointed toward my eyes, then toward my ears, and then shook my head.

The one who had pointed toward the seat walked over to me, and tapped my head. He then gestured to the seat again.

I shrugged and sat down at the table.
The person who had invited me to the table moved a couple of pieces: 'Would someone like to recap for our new member?'

My eyes widened in surprise. 'I can understand!'

One of the other girls at the table smiled, and then laughed her pieces. The other girl moved them: 'Pedant here has that talent. I can teach anyone anything he knows. I have no idea how he learned this language.'

Pedant looked grim: 'The person who taught them to me was taken for final rendering.'

I saw the smiles fade.

'What. . .' I began with a small pawn shuffle, but Pedant raised his hand.

'That is too much of a topic for our first meeting. The common talents, they keep as many as appear. The rare talents, they only allow one of at a time. The fact that you're awake tells us that you must be a rare.

I wondered about that. But I wouldn't tell them my worries.

'What's your power?'

I couldn't think what to tell them.

'Don't you know your power?' This was said by a rat faced boy between the girls on the other side of the table. He laughed his pieces. It was the same movement that the girl had mad, but there was something of a smirk in it. Don't ask me to explain it. It would be lime explaining a chuckle versus a giggle, by sound alone, to a deaf person. I could just tell

'Hush, Walker, give her a chance to organize her thoughts.'

'I will have to describe what I have discovered so far. . .'

Jaws dropped. 'So far. . .'

'Discovered. . .'

Pedant raised a hand: 'Silence, let her speak.'

I took a deep breath, and then let it go because I wasn't speaking: 'I can move between worlds. I can host dead people in my head. I can travel outside of my body. I can take things from other worlds, and push them there. I can find specific people in other worlds, and travel to them. I can talk telepathically, but currently only to people who are in my head with me. . .

I trailed off as I looked at the faces around me. Their mouths were open in shock. Walker began, 'Jamie. . .' but Pedant stopped him.

'No real names here.'

'And you should be able to see that he's male.' Said the other boy at the table. Both the girls giggled their pieces.

Walker looked at me in appraising manner: 'I don't care what her genetics say. She's female.'

I blushed and smiled and looked down at the table.

'See!' The girls laughed, and the silent boy looked embarrassed.

Pedant came to his rescue: 'No need to be put out, Underseer. You look at the core of things, and see them as they are on a basic level. She is physically male. We see her as she appears. She appears female.'

Underseer broke out in a huge grin: 'They! There are two of them in there.'

Walker looked at me with a question in his eye.

'I saved one of my alternates when she died. I am keeping her alive until we find a better home for her.' Something suddenly dawned on me: 'Wait, Jamie in this world is physically female.'

'You didn't know?' asked one of the girls.

'Well, I did try to find the perfect, unoccupied body for my alternate. We were looking for a mind destroyed by the Beast' I then explained who the Beast was.

"Inmates return to your rooms."

We said our goodbyes, and I went to my room. Our journals were back. I opened mine to see what was written or changed there. There had been no changes I could see.

We went to bed and the lights were shut off.

I decided that I needed to refresh my energy before trying the plane again. So I went to sleep. I awoke before anyone else, and noticed that one of the children was missing. I noticed the door open, so I went out into the hall. I called for her, but there was no reply. I went into the bathroom. I smelled something. It stank horribly in the shower area. The walls were wet and red, and I wondered what it could be in here. Then I saw the small broken body. I began to scream. I couldn't stop it. I screamed and screamed until I simply couldn't scream any more.

I turned to run, and there was Pedant. He looked at me with a question in his eye. It was at that moment that I realized he was mute. Not showing him up I simply pointed. He looked at her poor little body and held me as I cried silently into his shoulder.

I began to shake uncontrollably. He held me until that stopped too. I would find out who had hurt this innocent one.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 11:
By the pricking of my thumbs

I pulled away from Pedant suddenly. I had no idea who was the killer. He was also the first here. He began signing at me.

"I don't understand you." My voice was hoarse and I hated it. He reached his hand toward me and I shied away. He touched his forehead, and I remembered last night. I let him touch my forehead. He gave me two things. I could now use sign language, like him, and I knew where he was last night. I had his memories from when we had separated to go to bed until the moment he touched me.

"Sorry that I pulled away from you, Pedant"

"Don't worry about it. I would fear you myself if I hadn't seen your reaction to the corpse."

He motioned for us to leave the bathroom. I followed him out, hugging my arms to my chest. in the hallway, looking at the beige carpeting and the gray paint on the walls I could almost believe that the body of that little child was not still twenty feet away. I began to cry again.

"It's ok, Journey."

"Journey?"

"Well, it's what I wanted to call Jaime, our Jaime, but she always vetoed it."

"I think I can live with that."

"The others are at the table. Care to let me escort you there? You really don't want to see how they treat a body."

I followed him to the common room. I walked over to my space on the near side and sat down. The others were already there. I looked carefully at the people around the table. Could I really trust them? Pedant I knew I could trust. What about rat faced Walker and the stolid Underseer. What about the girls? I didn't even know their names.

'What do I call you two?'

The taller blond one picked up her pieces and began: 'I'm Lacey, and the other one is Keeper.'

'Why are you called Lacey?'

'Because I have the ability to interlace. I know, you're confused. Just watch. She put her hand through the top of the table. It wasn't like she broke the table. Just that she put it through the substance as if it wasn't there.

'Oh, so that's what I did when I went through the pebbled barrier, oh and when I was floating to this dimension.' She looked a bit confused and a little surprised to me, so I explained to her about floating through everything when I was between dimensions. I also told her about passing through the wall to get to the ribbon world.

Walker looked at me appraisingly: 'That's the astral plane. I go there, which is why I'm called Walker. I go for astral walks, you see? Ok, so it's not really funny. Anywho, I always need an opening in the wall to pass through. You're saying you passed directly through the wall? Wow.

Again I realized there was a bit of awe in the way he moved his pieces. I really liked this language. I wondered who had come up with it, and when. And then how had they taught Pedant's predecessor. I looked at the six of us around this table and wondered something: 'Are these the only six rare talents?'

Pedant picked up this one: 'Our lords and masters have a number of facilities like this one. They only ever have six of the more powerful abilities in any of them. I think they are afraid that if enough of them got together, they could escape.' He really didn't like the people in charge.

'There's nothing keeping me here, guys. I'm sure that I'm not the only one here ether.' I looked pointedly at Lacey.

She blushed bright red. I knew then that there was something keeping her here. Or I should say someone. She nodded at my expression of comprehension. She tilted her head at Walker and smiled. My shock must have showed. I would never have picked Walker.

"What. . ." he started to say, and then reached for his pieces: 'What's going on? Is this some secret girl language?

I reached for my pieces only to see Lacy shake her head. Well, it was for her to let the guy know. . .that's when I noticed that Keeper and Walker were holding hands. Lacy gave me a weak smile when I noticed, but Keeper grinned. I looked sharply at Keeper and she shrank away from my glare.

'What's your power, Keeper.' It was her turn to blush. 'What did I say?'

Lacey grinned in evil delight: 'She is a preserver. She keeps things in their present state.'

I was even more confused than before her second explanation. Lacey looked over Walker's head at Keeper, saw her nod, and then moved her pieces: 'Sorry Walker.'

His eyes widened, "Shit, not ag. . ." He stopped speaking. He stopped moving. He did not breathe, or blink. As she continued to touch him, Keeper's eyes bled from light brown to almost black. Just before all of the light brown disappeared from the outside ring, she let go. ". . .gain."

Walker jumped up from the table. "Damn it, Wendy, you promised." He walked to the other side of the room. I went over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. "You ok?"

"I'll be ok as soon as I thaw out."

"She froze you?"

"She takes you out of time. You don't freeze, but all of your molecules stop moving. They start moving again immediately, but it essentially drops you to room temperature. Really freaky feeling. She accidentally did it the first time. . .sorry, you didn't want to know that."

I blushed bright red and went back to the table. I trusted these people so easily. One of them could have killed that beautiful little girl. That reminded me of my plan, which suddenly felt out of my reach. How would I get all of these people out now. There must be almost a hundred people here. I couldn't be responsible for them, could I.

I decided to share my idea with the rest of them and see what they suggested. When I put my pieces down, they all reached for their pieces simultaneously, and then deferred to Pedant.

'Now that you're here, Jamie's body has likely already been rendered.'

I needed the body here now, I needed to check it to see there was nothing wrong with it. Without thinking I reached out and pulled, hard.

The body appeared a few inches above the table. It appeared to hover there for a moment and then collapsed down, scattering pieces all over the place. The others looked astonished. Walker even rushed over to see what had happened and stopped dead in his tracks.

The body was still breathing, and the heart was still beating, but I needed to figure something out fast. I felt Jams quiet form in my head. I pushed it toward the body on the table. I felt a tearing in my head and began to scream silently. I had no vice left to do anything else. I continued to push, focusing on the body on the table, even as I curled in on myself and held my hands to my head. I'm not sure at that moment if I was just holding it cause it hurt, or to try to hold it together. I felt as though my head were exploding in slow motion.

I felt something give, and then more, and Jams began to move. "GO!!!!!!" I yelled with my entire being. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and something guiding my efforts. I don't know how long I sat there, curled into myself. The pain continued to increase. I felt the molten magma being poured into the eyes and siphoned out my ears. I felt cooked clean through. The pain got worse from there. It got to a point where it no longer felt painful. Pain itself became an abstract concept. I was watching the pain and examining its flavor as if I were an epicurean.

I began to realize that when it was sweet, I was doing what needed to be done, and no more. When it began to sour, other damage was being done. I would back up a bit and redirect my efforts.

Forever I worked in this sweet and sour world. It was over in a moment and the pain began to recede. I knew that the greater portion of Jams was out of my head. The pain went down to a nuclear explosion, and then a car accident.

I was dimply aware of my surroundings again, and heard someone screaming in agony. It wasn't me. The body was screaming as a glowing energy flowed from me into in. I commanded the remnant in my head, 'Jams, go home!' and felt a sudden loss of pain. The body giggled a bit and then went silent. The breathing became deeper, and I knew that she had fallen asleep.
That's good, because so did I.
---
I was running from room to room. There was something missing. I couldn't find it. There were signs of damage everywhere. Holes had been torn in the walls. People were in pieces as well. The survivors looked around with haunted eyes, or cried over friends and lovers. The beige carpeting and gray walls did nothing to soothe me now.

Smoke billowed all over the place, and then I caught a glimpse through one of the holes at a castle throne room, also in shambles.

I rushed through into the throne room. I knew where I was, but didn't feel like being Guinevere for the moment. Even here it was destroyed. I sat down and cried.
---
I woke up still crying. All of my dreams were destroyed. I felt someone holding me. I heard someone else crying and looked to see Pedant holding me as I cried, but I wasn't looking at me.

The long hair should have given it away. I got up and went to Jams and held her. "Why did you send me away?"

I held her and we cried together. I felt as if I had lost a part of myself. I knew from the way that she sounded that this place was still affecting her, and it didn't seem to be affecting me.

Then I remembered the little dead girl. I was being affected, but differently from most people here. I could not focus on any one thing for too long. I kept forgetting my train of thought as if it had never existed and moving to another thought.

I held Jams until she quieted. "Don't you love me anymore, Sis?"

"I always love you, Jams."

"But you pushed me out!"

"You're a girl!" I taunted back.

"I've always. . ."

I giggled at her and pulled her gown over her head. "Oh. . ." I heard her muffled voice. She pulled her gown back into place and threw her arms back around me. "I'm a girl!"

I looked over at Pedant and Underseer looking embarrassed. I looked around us. "Did you take me back to my room?"

"No, we're in our room. The rest of us moved people around so that we were all in the same room. We moved two other people into your old room, since we didn't feel safe with you out of our sight."

"Is he safe?"

"About as safe as anyone who isn't the two of us. We need to figure out a better way to determine who is, and isn't, the killer."

Something started to come to me. Flashed glances. Out of place movement.

"Where's Tory. . ."

I rushed out of the room, toward the room where we had started. Tory wasn't there, but his journal was. I opened the book and read the first little bit.

Tory was the Beast.

I ran back to Pedant's room. Jams was gone. I was losing control of the situation. Where could they be? Without a clock I wasn't able to determine where they should be on the daily schedule. My stomach grumbled at me, complaining about poor living conditions.

Food. Cafeteria. I rushed to the cafeteria, but neither Tory nor Jams were there. I turned to run again and collided with a brick wall. Underseer reached out a hand to help me up.

"Tory is the killer. Jams is missing, and likely wandered here, since she is still under the control of our masters. I think Tory has Jams."

"Pedant will go to your bathroom, I will go to ours. Follow this corridor around. The first door on your left will be another bathroom."

I ran then. I had read enough of the journal to know that Tory's mind was dead, and that the Beast had been operating it the whole time we had been here. The glances and smirks began to make sense. He considered himself to be better than the rest of us.

I got to the bathroom, but the door was locked. I was about to run on, but then something occurred to me. I pounded on the door a few times and then taunted through the door, "Can little Jamie-wamey come out to play?"

"My name is JAMES!!"

"Oh, good. Jamie. I'd hoped you were there."

I reached for Tory and pulled. I let go after an instant and heard a metallic crunch. The door unlocked and Jams walked out in a daze. She wandered off toward the cafeteria, and I slipped into the room. The Beast was picking himself off the ground next to one of the stalls. There was a big dent in it, and his arm was hanging dead at his side.

"Nice trick, bitch. I dare you to try that again."

I smirked at him. "Ok, I'll even tell you when I'm about to act. You ready?" I paused for a couple of heartbeats. "NOW!" and pushed at him will all of my force. His feet flew out from under him and he flew into the half wall around the showers. The tiles shattered with a sound like shattering glass. His legs twitched a bit under him, and then stopped.

"You'll pay for that, you little cunt." I tried to get up, but his legs wouldn't move. "What in the hell did you do to me?"

"Can you feel this?" I said as I kicked him in the balls as hard as I could.

He began to laugh. I took that as a no. I felt a desire to start cutting him the way he had cut up that little girl. In the shower area there was a really short katana. I walked over to it and picked it up. I removed the sheath and walked back over to the Beast. He laughed some more at me, but I could feel him taunting me now.

"You're no better than me. It seems some things are just common to the type. We are killers, Jamie. All of us. I just started before any of the others. You will all join me if given enough time."

The thought sickened me. I dropped the knife and ran over to one of the stalls in enough time to vomit. How had I ever even considered that. This place made it so hard to think. I needed to get all of us out of here. I became dimly aware of a siren going off in the hall. I turned my head to hear it better, and saw the Beast puling himself toward me, the knife in the other hand.

With a lot less force than last time, I pushed him back to the wall. The lighting in the bathroom went red.

"You've done it now, you fucking bitch. When I eat a person's soul, I get a lot of their memories, especially when I take my time. Two people from this world gives me a pretty good picture. There is something that even Psi fear, and You're it. I'm not waiting around for the repercussions." He slid the knife along his throat and slumped down into his own blood.

I rushed out into the hall. The siren was almost deafening. "TK has left north east bathroom." I wasn't sure where they'd gotten the panicking female voice from, but I wasn't standing around to find out. I ran off toward the cafeteria.

"TK is on the move and heading in the general area of the cafeteria. All residents move to your assigned quarters for lockdown. TK is considered unstable and highly dangerous."

Better late than never, but they were talking about me. I needed to go somewhere else, now. I had no time to pick or choose. I needed somewhere to crash. But, how could I leave without saying goodbye. . .I felt Jams mind. When I closed my eyes for an instant, I could almost see the yellow ribbon connecting us. I sent a thought over and over along that ribbon, 'Pedant, I am safe and will return. Pedant, I am safe and will return.'

I reached to the safest feeling mind that I could find, and let go of the world.
---
I was never able to tell the exact moment that Sis left the sanitarium. I think it took the guards a few minutes to guarantee that the dreaded telekinetic had left the building. I only knew that there was something bubbling around in my head that had to get out. I turned to the guy with the strange hair (it was short in back, but he had bangs to his chin) and said, "Pedant, I am safe and will return. Why did I just say that?"

Jams thought passing through my new mind woke me up. I knew that she was gone. Somehow, the guards realized this in the same moment. The lighting returned to normal. I however did not, or should I say I did remain normal.

For the first time in days, I was awake and aware. I was suddenly very self-conscious. I was in a fully female teenage body, breasts and all, and I was only wearing a hospital gown. I shrieked and tried to cover myself better. The tall silent one led me over to one of the drawers in the wall and handed me some clothing. "You'll need to get dressed here. There's no privacy in this place."

His voice was even better than his body, and that was something to behold. At least I really wanted to be held, you know to him. I blushed scarlet and felt like my skin would combust from the heat of it.

"Turn around at least." I said.

I quickly slipped into the clothing he had given me. "It's too big."

"Let me help you with that." He pulled some drawstrings on the sides of both the tops and bottoms and they were quickly adjusted to fit.

Not the most fashionable things, but at least they covered everything. "Thank you," I said and kissed him on the cheek. It was his turn to blush, and he stammered out something like, "You're welcome."

I felt a finger on my forehead and then I was turned forcibly around. "What happened to Jamie?"

"I speak sign-language?"

"Focus, what happened to Jamie?"

"Look, buddy, I don't know who you are, or why you're so insistent, but I'm Jamie."

"She has a point there, Pedant."

Pedant, the guy with weird hair glared at his royal hotness. I blushed at even thinking that. "I meant the other Jamie, oh bother, this will get confusing."

I sighed. I understood that he was worried about her, so I cut him some slack, "Call me Jams. It is easier that way, and it's what the other Jamie calls me. Until she gets back and decides, we just call her Jamie."

"Agreed"

"She isn't here. All I know is that she is really far away. I'm not sure how I can tell, but I feel it. And she's ok, at least for now."

This Pedant guy seemed to come to a decision. "Underseer, the time for skulking is over. Get the others together. We need to convene a council of war."

I really didn't like the sound of this. Underseer took a step to leave the room. I went to follow him and collapsed. . .into his arms.

"You need to be careful, Jams. This body has spent a few months in a coma. You need some time to get your strength back."

He carried me to another room that had some ping pong tables and chess tables. There was also a TV. Underseer lowered me gently into one of the seats in front of the chess tables.

"Will you be ok for a little bit?"

I nodded to him and sat there limply. I started moaning my pieces. I stopped in astonishment. I could speak with chess pieces. What else had that touch of Pedants done for me?

I was still looking at the black queen in wonder as the others filtered into the room and took places at the table. Underseer came and sat down next to me. My stomach fluttered a bit, and I told it firmly to get itself under control.

Pedant sat down last: 'We need a new call sign for you, Jams. Jamie went by Journey, but I doubt that is one that you would like to take up?'

He seemed a little insistent about it, but it didn't feel right taking Jamie's nickname. I looked again at the piece in my hand: 'I am Queen.'

Pedant rapped his king against the board, and in my mind it struck like a gavel: 'I call this council of war to order.'

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 12:
La Reine est mort. Viva la Reine.

I had no clue what I was doing here. I had watched Jamie perform all sorts of almost magical acts over the past. . .how many days had it been? I died on a Sunday night. Monday we were in the police station and then attacked by my step-father. I still shudder at what would have happened if I hadn't been waiting for him to get home. Tuesday was doctor's visits and the salon. Wednesday was school. Then we went haring of into the great beyond. Thursday was our first day in the sanitarium.

But what day was today?

I paid attention to what the others were talking about, but I couldn't really help them. They assumed something that wasn't really true. I had no ability. I couldn't touch other worlds they way Jamie did, to pass through solid objects like Lacey. I couldn't read thoughts. I couldn't walk the astral plane. I couldn't do any of the things these people considered normal.

'I'm useless. I can't do what Jamie did. I shouldn't be here. You all need to listen to me.'

Everyone stopped talking immediately. They had been arguing about the best way that they could prevent the guards from taking back over. They all looked to me.

I sat there looking back at them each in turn. Pedant shook his head. 'You have an ability my. . .I mean Queen.

Moving his pieces seemed to break the trance over the other individuals at the table. Lacey glared at me.
'What are you talking about, Pedant?' He looked embarrassed, and none of the others around the table would meet my eyes. 'Tell me.'

Immediately, Pedant opened his mouth and began to speak: 'My liege, you have the voice of command. No matter what language you use, you will be able to command respect and allegiance of those around you. Pedant threw the pieces down "Stop that!" His signing was wild and angry.

I followed him into the same language, "Stop what? I don't even know what I'm doing."

"Don't command anything!" There were some emphatic nods around the table.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was doing. Forgive. . .I mean, will you forgive me?"

There were some sighs of relief around the table. I felt someone wrap their arms around me. I looked up into Underseers eyes. I relaxed back into him. He just held me there, and I let myself be held.

'Now that the interruption is over, let's get back to business.' Pedant began, after collecting his pieces again.

'I think that the guards are less important than stopping whatever it is they're doing to the lighting in this place,' Walker interjected.

'They are adjusting the cycle rate of the lighting elements so that it interrupts neuron firing.' I felt his arms move as he spoke his pieces. I can hardly describe the feeling that it gave me. He continued: 'Lacey, can you take other people with you as to pass through objects?'

'Yes. . .' Watching someone not speak with anticipation of a response is something to behold with a motion language like that of the chess pieces.

'The control areas are toward the center of the building. If you were to take Queen in there, then she should be able to get the guards to shut down the controls, and then destroy them. The controls I mean.'

I tensed a bit. I couldn't do this. I couldn't take this job. I felt Underseer's arms close around me. "You can do this, Jams. This isn't beyond you."

I wanted to sit there forever in his arms. I wanted to feel safe and secure. I stopped to think for a moment. I reached for my pieces: 'We are one facility in the midst of a world that hates and fears us. They have weapons and devices that could level this building, without their need to retake it. Shutting off their devices is not going to be enough. Taking this building is not going to be enough. We aren't yet ready, Pedant, and we are fooling ourselves to believe that we are.'

'We can take them.'

'What then, Pedant? Stand off an army? They have convinced you that you should fear people like Jamie. They don't want you to know that they are the only ones who can save us.'

Keeper picked up her pieces: 'We don't need that freak!'

I picked up my pieces to speak, but I stopped. I needed to think before saying my next reply. This had to be their decision: 'I would like you to think about what you are saying. The people in charge of this place want us to fear each other as much as they fear us. Would you please consider what they have told you that's concrete about them?'

Each reached for their pieces, paused, and put them down. They all began to have thoughtful expressions on their faces. Underseer began to speak: 'Queen is right. She hasn't been with us long, no matter how much she looks like our lost friend. She isn't Intuition. She has a different Psi ability, and she has something perhaps even more important.'

'I don't see it,' Walker said looking at me.

'I know what Underseers saying. She is a leader.' I look at him with a quirked eyebrow. 'Really, you are. You take all of us, a group who can't agree on anything, and argue for the fun of it, and we are focused on what you have to say.'

'That's just the power making you talk.'

'If you don't give us a direct command, your power does nothing.'

I thought about this a moment. Could this be true? Sure, I had a group of friends, but none of use really led, did we? Ok, so I tended to resolve disputes, and make sure we ended up listening to everyone, but that's normal friend stuff. . .

Everyone was looking at me expectantly. What could I give them? 'You all have so much more experience than I do. I can't lead you.'

'Leadership is not the ability to do everything, Jamie. It's the understanding that other people are capable, and the willingness to help them to achieve their best.'

'A little simplistic, don't you think, Pedant. To be a proper leader I would need to understand our goals, and be able to direct each of us to achieve our portion of those goals.' I'd also have to be willing to send these people to their deaths. I leaned into Underseer for comfort. I couldn't ever send him to his death, could I? And if I could, would I like myself at all for doing it?

'Tell me truthfully, Queen. Is it that you can't lead us, or that you don't want to?'

He knew my answer before I gave it, but I did not return his smile, 'I will lead your rebellion until someone else comes forward who is better able to lead.' I felt along the ribbon that still connected me to Jamie. It was still a bright yellow, so I hoped she was ok. I could only tell that she was still alive.

"Our time of silence has ended." I spoke because my arms no longer had the strength to move the pieces. I had been running on adrenalin or something, because I slumped bonelessly into Underseer. "That and I no longer have the strength to talk with my hands," I smiled weakly as I continued.

"Lacey, can you take two as well as one?"

"I can, Queen."

"Pedant, you and Walker should direct the other inhabitants to this room. Keeper make sure they don't leave."

"Keeper gets to keep them." Walker smirked at his own joke.

"Underseer, lead on to the control room. We're only going to be normalizing the lighting in here."

I felt him rise effortlessly with me in his arms. It was the best feeling I had ever felt. I whispered to him as we travelled down the hall, "What's your real name?"

"Corin"

"Keep me safe, Corin," I smiled and lay my head against his chest, and listened to the slow beat of this heart. I felt his strength as he carried me. It was like floating down the hall, more so than being carried. I expected to be bounced as I was carried, but none of that happened.

"I think someone is enjoying this, Underseer." Lacey said from beside us. I blushed and buried my face in his chest to hide it. I felt his laughter in his arms and heard it rumbling in his chest.

"That makes two of us, Lacey."

I didn't know I could blush more than I had before, but I simply went back to leaning my head against him with a smile as I looked at Lacey. Seeing her expression I remembered. "I'm sorry for you, Lacey. I really am. Usually, I've been the one where you are."

"But you're beautiful."

I smiled sadly at her. "I was born male." I felt a shift in Corin's grip, and I felt the blood rush from my face, I looked up at him, but he was looking straight ahead. My happiness had already gone. I shouldn't have said anything.

"Let me tell you a story, Lacey." A tear trickled down my face, and I currently didn't have the strength to wipe it away.

"I was raised as a girl, because that's what I always felt myself to be. It's something that happens sometimes. More or less rare depending on which psychologist you talk to.

"I wore dresses and makeup and had lots of parties with my friends where they talked about the boys they dated, and all of them thought that one of them had their eye on me. All of us liked Brian because he was good looking, and popular, and played sports. I didn't think I possibly had a chance with him.

"I looked at myself and saw my flaws, not my good qualities. I saw that physically I didn't match what I looked like on the outside."

I stopped to think about the next thing I would say. I smiled sadly. Aware that any chance I had thought I had was probably gone forever anyway, I continued, "I seriously considered cutting off certain parts of my body, thinking that it would help me to fit in better."

Lacey looked at me with a question, and I looked at my legs. She nodded her understanding and I continued.

"That's when he asked me out for the first time. I thought I was the most special girl in the entire school. I was going out with Brian. He groped me on our first date, and tried to kiss me, but I ignored it, hoping that he liked me for who I really was.

"We dated consistently for a year. We started making out quite a lot toward the end. It made me feel so special to be held by him, and feel his lips pressed against mine. Sometimes he would try things I wasn't comfortable with, and I would gently move his hand off my leg.

"Last week, he told me he loved me. I felt as if my entire life had been vindicated. I was loved and in love with a wonderful boy. I could see an entire future open out before us. I told him that I loved him too. I was so happy I thought I would burst.

"He told me that he couldn't believe me. He felt I had just been leading him on. He had planned to tell me he loved me and leave me to myself. I argued with him. How could he believe I didn't love me.

"He told me there was a way we could prove our love to each other.

"This wasn't the first time he had brought up sex, but I knew there was nothing I could do. I began to cry uncontrollably and he left me there in my bedroom. I should have seen that this was just a plan to get into my pants, but I was too blinded. I needed to be with him. I felt I would die without him.

"I spent most of the next day with my friends, and we cried and talked and cried some more. They felt sorry for my loss. One of my friends asked why I couldn't just tell him what was going on. We all thought it would be a great idea.

"I called up Brian and asked him to come over so we could talk. I think he thought I had reconsidered. He hadn't expected what I'd told him. I told him the truth. He called me a faggot and a queer. I ran from my room crying. I walked into the forest behind my house and wandered around for a bit.

"Brian jumped from behind a tree. I thought for a moment that he was there to apologize, but he wasn't. He killed me. I died there in the darkness by the hand of someone I thought I loved.

I felt Corin's hands tighten around me, but refused to read anything into it. I had lost him already, and he was just trying to comfort me.

"I have spent the week in Jamie's head, afraid at times I was nothing more than a figment. When we found this body, I hoped at most to be back in the same state I was before. When I found out that this body was physically female, and matched my mind, I thought all of my troubles would be over. But I'm still me, and it seems I am cursed to be alone for now."

"I'm sorry for how I reacted, Queen. I should never have thought you less than you are."

"It's ok, Corin. Shhh. Don't worry. I know that you can't possibly feel for me what I would like." I laid my head back against his chest and listened to his hear again. I looked at Lacey for the first time since I started my story. She had some tears in her eyes.

"Lacey, you are a beautiful girl, and don't let anyone tell you differently. There's someone out there for you. Maybe even this big lug." I bounced my head against his chest, since none of the rest of me seemed in working order.

"I'm not interested in Lacey. Sorry, Lacey."

"Don't worry about it, Big guy. I'd be more likely to go after Pedant." She said this last with a look of disgust on her face.

"What's wrong with Pedant? Sure, he is a little abrasive, but he is pleasant to look at."

"You can have him, then, because the abrasiveness is too much for me."

"We're here," Corin said, indicating the wall on the left hand side. Lacey grabbed his arm and pulled him forward as she walked slowly into the wall.

It was almost indescribable. It was like someone running their fingernails down a chalkboard, only you were the chalkboard. I couldn't feel the wall. I could feel it all through me. It felt like I was being pushed apart from the inside. Then my face entered the wall and I couldn't breathe. I was trying to pull air through a solid concrete wall. My lungs burned, and then they were completely in the wall too. I could not breathe. I could not scream. I could not move. I felt the wall pass through me some more, and my arm was free. Half of me was out of the wall, and then my mouth came out. I could only breathe with half of my lung, and even that was painful.

I looked into the room. A guard was reaching for his gun. "Stop," I commanded him, "Sit." He sat down with a bemused look on his face. He shook his head and before he could rise again I commanded, "You will fix the lights so that they radiate like any other lights." As soon as he complied, I continued, "Shoot the console and make sure it can't be fixed without it being completely replaced."

He emptied his clip into the board. Reloaded. He did it again. He looked for another clip to reload the gun a second time, but he seemed to be out. The contradiction broke him from his trance. He raised his gun and pointed it at us again.

I smirked at him and turned to Lacey, "Would you be so kind as to let us back into our cells, Lacey?"

"Of course, Milady."

The guard began pulling the trigger as we walked back into the wall. I took a deep breath this time, and heard Corin do the same.

We got to our side of the wall again, and Corin turned toward the dormitory where I had woken up. "Thank you, Corin. I love you." I was surprised at what I had said, but by the time I realized I'd said it, I was asleep. I sat in the emptiness of this body's dreamscape and prayed that I had only thought it.

Wanted someplace to lose myself in. I thought about my Jamie Spade office: The frosted glass in the door with the gold lettering on the outside. The big oak desk, with all the papers scattered about. The rolling desk chair, and the neon sign outside the window.

I smelled the Chinese place on the ground floor and started, coming to myself. I had created my room. I clapped in glee and sat down behind my desk. . .just in time for my first client of the night.

"Jamie Spade, I really need your help."

I grinned at the person who had just come in, "Help is what I do, Sweetheart. Have a seat and tell Auntie Jamie where it hurts."
---
I slowly became aware of my surroundings. I had been doing something important. . .or already done something. I couldn't quite remember what it was.

Someone was rubbing my back, and it felt really good. I arched myself into it and stretched. "Jams, you awake."

I stopped. I knew that voice. "Corin?" I remembered now what I had said, or had I?

'Please don't let me have said it, please don't let me. . .'

"I think we need to talk about what you said."

'Crap,' "Um, what did I say?"

"You can't take something like that back, Jams."

"Like what?"

"Like you being a boy. . ."

I relaxed, but felt a tear in my eye. Here it comes.

". . .and that you love me."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he put a finger on my lips.

"I need to have my say. I need some time. I know that you will probably need some time as well. I know you didn't mean to say it, but there was power in your words, and I know you spoke the truth."

I looked up at him, a question in my eyes, and he tapped his head.

"I see energy waves, and patterns. That's all I see. I can see when people lie, because they can't hide their energy changes. You use a different part of your brain to lie, than to tell the truth."

I didn't fully understand what he was saying, but I let him continue.

"I knew Jamie, I mean Intuition. You know, the person who used to be in your body. You know what I mean. Journey really complicates things, doesn't she."

I nodded and he continued, "I was used to her mannerisms, and I had a bit of a crush on her. She was always hanging around with someone else, thought, so I never thought I had a chance.

"You act a little bit like her, so I thought this was my chance. I thought I had been given a second chance with Intuition. But you're not her. I really like the way you look, Queen, and I really like you as a person. I think we can definitely be friends."

I had been physically female for less than a day, and I was already being given the 'just friends' speech. I began to cry. I felt strong arms encircle me, and lost all control. I sobbed into him, wanting him to be able to comfort me, but he couldn't be mine like I wanted him to. I knew if he asked me to prove my love, like Brian had, I would have given myself to him without a thought, and that scared me and made me cry harder.

"I want to start as friends, Jams. I need to start there. I don't know who you are, but everything I have seen tells me your are someone I could come to love."

I was still crying, but it didn't feel so desperate. He held me and ran his hand along my hair. I felt his comfort, as a friend, and felt it might be enough for now.

"Give me some time, Ok? I need to process everything that's happened so far. I want to love you for you, and not my history with Intuition."

I nodded, and leaned against him. I smiled through my tears. He really didn't know it yet, but I would have this man as mine. And not through any tricks or so called feminine wiles. I would be the best me that I could, and he wouldn't be able to resist.

"I'll give you as much time as you need, Corin." I looked up and smiled at him. I put all of my love for him into that look, and my happiness, for now, was complete when he smiled back.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 13:
The Psi are revolting

"Corin, could you take me to the common room?"

"You still need to rest, Jams."

"They need me there. All those children are going to need us when they start waking up from this."

"Someone else can do this. Your body has been in a coma for almost a year. It has no strength, and no reserves."

"I can make you do this. . .but I won't. If you feel I really can't do this, I will wait here patiently."

Corin sighed, grinned, and picked me up. I couldn't help but beam a smile at him. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek, "Thank you so much."

He blushed a little bit, but his smile stayed on his face. He carried me to the common room, and set me on the couch. He moved a ping pong table against the wall, and set one of the folding chairs on the table. He picked me up and carried me to the table, "No, what are you doing, Corin."

"If you wish to be a Queen, then you will have to have a throne, my liege." His mischievous grin showed he wasn't altogether serious.

The room was almost full of people. "Corin, turn all the chairs to face me."

"Alright you lot. Off the couch. Turn it around. Ok. Everyone needs to pay attention to Queen for now."

All eyes turned to me, and suddenly I had no idea what I would do. They were looking to me to lead them, and I simply had no clue what needed to be done.

"Jim?"

I looked over at the girl who spoke, and saw Mary with a question in her eyes. "No, I'm Jamie. I look a little like Jim don't I." The girl nodded so I continued, "You still don't know what your power is, do you?"

"No, Ma'am."

"My name is Jams." We both laughed a bit at that.

"Everyone, we are going to be attacked, I assume, by the people running this place. If anyone has powers they think will help, tell me, or one of the others you see standing up here. We need your help so that all of us can get out of here alive." I had become a lot more confident after talking to Mary. It was as if I had an added strength. "We can overcome this threat."

I heard Corin whispering something to Pedant. I don't remember everything I told that group of people. I felt that some of them should be the ones in charge. They were older than me. I was only thirteen. My doubts flashed away the moment they would surface. It was as if I couldn't doubt myself in that moment.

I do remember how I finished, “I know that some of you are scared. We have been ripped from our homes, and our loved ones. We have been imprisoned. We will be free, and our jailers will understand our justice.”

I felt Underseer twitch behind me, “There is no resolution in vengeance, Corin. We can not be like those we fight against, no matter what they choose to do to us.”

At that instant there was an explosion in the direction of the entrance hall. I directed all of my will at the assembled people in front of me, “Stay here, wait quietly.” I turned to Pedant and the others, excluding Corin from this command. “Guard these innocents.” Pedant frowned at me, but nodded. I knew the next command would destroy much of the trust I had been building, but I also knew I had no time for an argument, “Take me to the entrance, Corin.”

He fought it off, his need to keep me safe warring with the strength of my command, “Milady. . .”

With effort, I raised my arm to his cheek, “I will miss what might have been, Corin.” I cried as I gave the command that would destroy us, “I command you to obey me NOW, Corin. Take me to the entrance.”

The light went out of his eyes. He picked me up and took me to the entrance. The tears in my eyes blurred much of the walk there. I couldn’t help it. I only hoped that after this there was something left of him to hate me. There was certainly nothing there to comfort me right now.

“Stand where you are!” A group of soldiers slid around the corner with guns trained on the two of us.

“Drop your weapons!” I commanded the moment they came into view.

Guess whose command was followed. That’s right, their weapons clattered to the ground.

“You, at the back, restrain the rest of them. The rest of you, allow yourselves to be restrained.”

As they were complying, I had Corin continue to the entrance.

We passed through a couple of more squads, and subdued them, on our way to the entrance. “Put the girl down and get down on the ground.”

“He’s not the one you should be worried about.” The looked at me, and the moment they began to realize who I was I continued. My anger at what I had been forced to do to Colin fuel my power. I almost commanded all self will from their heads, but they would have justice from me, not execution.

“Every single one of you will forget how to use a weapon NOW!!!!!”

I finished just before their commander yelled “FIRE!”

Two bullets were fired, but they struck the glass to either side of the soldiers responsible. The looks of confusion on the others faces were absolute.

“You will find that I am capable enough to stand off anyone in the range of my voice, and you aren’t getting out of that range in this facility.”

I saw the commander glance to my right, “Drop your weapons and come out of there with your hands up! Now, now. Don’t you think that this is getting a little comical?” I inquired this of the commander.

“What do you think you are going to do here, bitch?”

“Language. My name is Queen. One more outburst from you and I will make your use of it a command.”

“You fucking whore. . .”

“You will address me as Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie, May she live forever!”

“No I won’t, you Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie, May she live forever.” He tried to look at his own mouth as he spouted my punishment. I had never had sex, and wouldn’t even consider taking money for it. He would learn his lesson.

“You’re Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie, May she live forever. No, you Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie, May she live forever. Damn it you little Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie, May she live forever.” He was beginning to panic. He was definitely becoming blue in the face. It was a mouthful.

“Are you ready to apologize?”

“You can kiss my ass, Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie, May she live forever.”

“Language. Do I have to warn you again that I have the voice of command?”

He smirked at something off to my right again. Without looking I commanded again. “Drop your weapons. Should you touch any of these weapons again before I give you leave, you will feel the overwhelming desire to dismantle them and eat them.”

The clatter of the dropped weapons was instant. Even the people in front of me, to whom I had not even directed a thought since taking their knowledge of weapons from them, dropped their guns.

“What is your name?” I asked the man with the speech problem.

“Captain Kurtis, Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie, May she live forever.”

“I would like for you to get your commanding officer on the phone.”

“Ok, Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie, May she live forever.”

“I permit you to shorten my name to Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie. The May she live forever part is getting old.”

The look Captain Kurtis gave me could have melted steel. He got on the radio. “Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie, wants to speak to General Houston.”

“Who?”

“The girl, Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie, who seems to be in charge.”

“Why do you keep saying that?”

“The little, Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie ordered me to say it and any time I talk about the Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie I have to say Your Royal and Absolute Highness, Queen Jamie.”

Laughter errupted from the speaker. When Captain Kurtis pressed the button to speak again I commanded, “You will not find humor in the misfortunes of others.”

The laughter cut off abruptly. “Shit. . .”

Captain Kurtis looked shocked, but he held the button down. “Would you please have the general meet me in the common room. I would like him to come alone. All of my people are there. I would like to resolve this as peacefully as possible.” When I finished speaking Captain Kurtis release the button, but he looked at me in awe.

“I release you from my command to you, Captain Kurtis. Please continue to treat me with respect and we won’t have any problems.” He simply nodded.

I whispered to Corin, “I need to use the facilities.” Wordlessly he took me to the closest bathroom, and set me in the stall. I turned around and vomited. I quickly purged the little in my stomach and simply dry heaved. What I had done to those men made me sick. I had played with them like puppets. I hated my power. I hated what it made me do.

“Corin, I release you completely. I command you to never again follow one of my commands. EVER!!!”

He blinked as a man coming out of a trance. I hoped I had enough time to do the next thing before I chickened out, or Corin stopped me. I crawled over to the sink and pulled myself up so that I could look into the mirror. I took a deep breath and focused on my image. I blocked Jamie out of my mind and focused on my self only. I took a deep breath and commanded. “You will never again command a living soul until Corin can forgive you and tells you he loves you, and means it.”

I felt something constrict about me. I felt as though I couldn’t breathe, but the air still went into my lungs. My arms collapsed and I fell to the ground. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I cried to myself on the floor of that bathroom. I had destroyed everything to save these people. I didn’t deserve to live. I felt those strong arms go around me and lift me from the floor and I cried harder. I had hurt him so badly. I didn’t deserve to live. “I should never have survived. Jamie should have kicked me out to die so long ago. I want to die,” I sobbed.

“You did what was needed, Jams. You saved us all.”

“But I almost destroyed you, Corin.”

“I’m a bit stronger than that, Jams. One little command is not going to ruin me.”

“You were so dead looking. Like a walking corpse. It killed me to see that.”

“That was a powerful command, Jams. It locked me inside. I could see everything that happened, but had no will of my own.”

“That is why I am not worthy of this power.”

“Your ability to throw it away is exactly why you are worthy of it.”

“I forgave you before we got to the soldiers.”

“There hasn’t been enough time for this.”

“I. . .” I put my hand to his lips. I saw what he was going to say in his eyes.

“You have to mean it for it to work.”

He looked at me with a twinkle in his eyes.

“I’m not ready for that yet, Corin. If you still feel that way about me when were done, you can release me from my command.”

He took me to the common room, and set me gently on my throne. I released my commands, which power I had left myself, and the children began to chatter. We waited for almost an hour before the general showed up. He had graying buzz cut hair. He still filled his uniform well.

“Are you the little bit that took out my first company?”

“Yes, General. . .”

“Houston. General Houston.”

“You need to train your men better, they didn’t know how to use their weapons.”

He glared at me, but quickly got himself under control. “I am here to negotiate your surrender, Queen.”

“Really? I don’t think so, General Houston.”

“You gave up your power, bitch. You have no bargaining chip!” He drew and fired in a single motion. Corin dropped.

“I. . .love. . .yo. . .”

“Oh, poor little cunt, locked her power away, and now the only key is lost forever.”

There is only one thing I wanted from this man any more. “DIE you son of a bitch!” He collapsed to the ground like a puppet whose stings had been cut. The smirk was still on his face, but his eyes no longer focused. I fell off the table and crawled over to his radio. “Every one of you stupid morons who can’t seem to formulate enough thought to pour piss out of a boot are now, and will forever be, under my direct control. You will never again think for yourselves or move for yourselves. Your lives as your own beings at this moment end.”

The others in the room looked at me in horror. I smiled at them, and they giggled nervously.

“Whomever is the next in command after this General who just stopped living, come to the common room, now. And send a medic.”

I pulled myself over to Corin. The there was blood everywhere. He didn’t breathe at all. “But, I love you.” I put my head to his chest and cried.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 14:
In the middle of a song

I lay there crying. I couldn't truly appreciate what was happening around me. I heard someone collapse, and looked over to wee Walker collecting Keeper off the floor. Corin drew another ragged breath. "Jams."

"Don't talk. You need to save your strength."

"Not going to work on me, Jams. You cave me my freedom remember?" He coughed a bit and red appeared on his lips.

"You can't leave me, not now! I need you."

"You don't need anyone, Queen. You are truly special, you know that? You have a powerful weapon and the will to use it." He began coughing again, and this time a cloud of red escaped his lips, and red foam remained on his mouth and chin.

I put my hand over his mouth, leaving his nose free. "Please don't talk." I cried over him. He pulled my hand away from his mouth. He smiled at me, but didn't say another word. He simply breathed through his mouth shallowly, and so I blushed. He was having breathing problems and I covered his mouth.

"We came as requested, Queen."

"Medic, get over here and save this man's life."

He silently walked over and began to efficiently try to save Corin's life.

I turned to the other man in front of me. "Who are you?"

"Major Reeves."

"Well major, you will contact your leaders and tell them what has happened here. You will do that from this room, and when they ask you to kill me, you will hand me the phone. Are your instructions understood, major?"

"Yes, Queen." He pulled out his cell phone and dialed.

I grabbed the radio. "Every one of you in the sound of my voice will go about your lives as if I had not given you the command. You will remember my command however, and you will never take up arms without my express permission."

The medic shook himself, and turned to me, "Queen, I'm not sure that I can save this man. He was shot in the lung, and it is filling with fluid. Unless we can get him to a full class one trauma center, he will die."

"Then let's take him there."

"We are cordoned off."

I picked up the radio again, "I need a stretcher team in here five minutes ago, and vehicle at the entrance."

The stretcher carriers came and loaded Corin up. "Hold on," I said and gave him a quick kiss.

I looked around me at the people looking at me in the room. Some looked at me with fear in their eyes, some looked at me in awe. They all looked at me.

There was a cell phone thrust into my face. I picked it up and said chose my words carefully, "Listen, and do not put down the cell phone. Hit the speaker button. Say yes when you are done."

"Yes"

"Listen and do nothing. Who is holding the phone?"

"Ivan Winters."

"Well, Ivan. Who are you and your friends?"

"We are the ruling civilian council for the Psi Legion."

"Which is. . .?"

"All Psi in the world are inducted into the Psi legion the moment that their psi ability is registered using the Psi Edict. We use you to save the world."

"That all ends now. You will leave this sanitarium to it's own devices. You will provide nutritious, and good tasting, food to these people. You will provide them will areas to see the sun. You will never again try to control them beyond that. Are my orders understood?"

"Yes," came a chorus of voices from the phone. I hung up.

"Take me to the hospital." I turned and looked at Major Reeves even as I ordered him. He gestured for me to precede him, so I did. We walked out to an obvious military vehicle, but nothing like the Humvees I was used to. Again, it had no windows, but this time there was a faint glow and a view to the outside world. We drove to the hospital that Jamie and I had entered this world through. I was taken to the waiting room. They don't change much no matter what changes in the technology. Uncomfortable chairs and industrial lighting. It was the most uncomfortable space that she had ever sat in.

Grey walls, with some flashes of color here and there. Gray tile and gray patterned carpeting in a checkerboard pattern.

Everything ratcheted up the pressure. The waiting. There were no doctors or nurses in the wall. I looked at the camera, and wondered if they needed to hear me to be commanded. . .

I focused on the person in the room that was fed by the camera. "You will get a nurse of doctor to me now!" I repeated this over and over again for a few minutes before I heard a ruckus and saw a man in a security uniform being dragged by two orderlies. "There she is! She needs to speak to a doctor. Why won't any of you listen to me?" He started struggling even harder when he saw me. I couldn't help but smile.

I looked at his face, as he looked at me, and said, "I release you."

He immediately relaxed and then looked at me again. I saw the fear in his eyes, but I didn't stop there. I looked at the nurse escorting the orderlies and security guard. This time I thought at her, 'Come over and talk to me!'

She stopped, shook her head, and started walking again.

I repeated the command, 'Come talk to me now!'

Her step faltered, but she off again, and almost around the corner.

'talktometalktometalktometalktometalktome' I rambled in my mind. She stopped, turned, and started walking to me, but the second I stopped, she turned back around after shaking her head.

"Talk to me!" I said this last aloud, but it wasn't loud enough to actually reach her ears. She turned and walked back to me. Something to think about.

When she got to me, she glared at me and said, "You wanted to speak to me?" There was a sneer on her face.

"I would suggest that you be a little nicer to me. . .Patty."

"Why's that, you little thing?"

"I will show you why not." I focused on her, and made a short command, "You will kneel in my presence!!"

She dropped to her knees and glared at me.

"Have you learned your lesson?"

She continued to glare but said, "Yes" with a pained smile on her face.

"I release you!"

She got to her feet, and turned to leave.

"I am not done with you, Patty. I have been left here without any news of what happened to my friend."

"you mean the thing with a gunshot wound."

"I warned you, and I showed you I could make my commands felt," fear appeared in her eyes, but I continued. She got up to run, but it was already too late. I hated myself for this already. "We are people, and children most of us. You will think of us as people and treat us as such!"

She stopped and turned around. There was a little hate left in her eyes, but it faded as I watched. "I'm sorry sweetie, I shouldn't have acted that way."

I vomited all over my feet. I needed to stop doing this.

"Let me get someone out here to clean that up, and I'll find out what is happening for you."

She walked away, and a few minutes later an orderly came out with a mop. He even cleaned off my feet. Something about this one was different.

"Why aren't you treating me poorly like the nurse did?"

"I don't want you frying my mind."

"You will never obey my commands! Now, does your mind feel fried?"

He shook his head, his eyes widening. "Thank you, Queen. I won't betray your trust in me. Thank you!"

There were tears in his eyes. What had I just done? I thought I'd made it so he could never obey my commands?

Seeing my confusion, he spoke to me, "You didn't have to give up your power over me. You could have commanded me to stop being afraid, or anything like that. What you did was make it so I was safe from you instead. You are special, and give trust where it isn't earned. Thank you so much for my mind."

He hugged me, and I returned it awkwardly. He then finished his job and walked off. I hoped I wouldn't live to regret this.

I again started waiting.

"They told me you were here!"

I turned to look at the person who had yelled. It was the guy who had been sitting next to Jamie₄'s bed. He wasn't wearing his glasses this time, and something about him seemed familiar. I looked hard at him.

"Brian?!"

He sped up. "Jamie, you're ok!"

"STOP!" He came to a halt. I felt my skin crawl. "I need for you to stay back, Brian."

"You can't do this to me, Jamie. We're going to be together finally now. You and me, right? We were meant to be."

"We're not anything, Brian."

"I know you. I know, I know. We could never be together because your family would never have understood. I only look like a boy now, after all. I have changed to be the one for you, Jamie. But you remembered my boy name. You and I are meant to be together."

'Wait...WHAT?!' I looked at him again. . .his face was a bit softer than the Brian I knew, and his hips were wider.

"I love you, Jamie"

"No, this can't be right. What's wrong with this world?" I was confused. This was all wrong. Everything here was wrong.

"Jamie?"

I saw in his eyes the same look he had when he killed me. I couldn't let him do this again.

"Stay away from me!"

"I don't need to get near you to kill you, Jamie. We will be together in another world." His face took on a rictus grin and he raised his right arm. "You know what this is, Jamie? No? Of course not. You never graduated, did you? I went through that sanitarium on my own. They gave me a Lance. Only, they didn't know what my power was. This lance makes me, a lowly level V your equal. . .no, your better. I improved it."

"What are you talking about?"

"No more explanations, Jamie. Let's go to hell!"

"Forget me. Forget you ever knew me. Forget your plans for me."

Brian blinked a couple of times, saw me, and smiled. "Hi, I'm Brianna, but all my friends call me Bree."

I smiled at her and responded, "I'm Jamie, nice to meet you."

"Jamie's a nice name. Want to see my Psi Lance?"

"What's a Psi Lance?"

"It's a weapon for Psi users, like me. I wouldn't normally be able to use it, but I have a Psi boost I made." she giggled. "I found some of Kyle Longtree's notes while hiking a few years ago." Her face showed confusion, "or was I hiking. . .no matter," her smile came back, "I found his notes in a safe in the woods. It was a cabin of some sort. He had the schematics for the psi booster there. Gave me enough power to get arrested. . .why did I want to get arrested."

"So, this is a Psi lance?"

She walked close and whispered. "It's a special one. Mk ii. It is about four times as powerful as a Mk i." She giggled. "More than powerful enough. . .I don't know why I wanted it."

"Don't worry about it, Bree."

"Ok. I won't. You're so nice, Jamie."

I felt a little uncomfortable with her hero worship, but I didn't know how to 'fix' her without changing her completely.

"Jamie, Corin is awake." I turned to see Patty standing there. "He's asking for you."
| |
- -
| |
- -
| |
The last view I had of that world was the blood on the shower walls. I let go of the world and it all went away. Something was wrong this time. The last time that I was floating between worlds, it was floating. I was comfortable. Free.

This time I was in wracking torment. I could not even focus well enough to find my endpoint and grab hold. I tried again and again, but my grip kept slipping.

Then something grabbed me and I was pulled in. It wasn't the right way. I needed to go the other way. I made a final effort and grabbed onto my destination with both hands, and instantly I was there.

I blacked out after looking into the bluest eyes I had ever seen.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 15:
Idyll of the Storm

I woke up with thick bracelets on my hands and feet. I was able to move around the bed, but the second I tried to pass and arm or a leg beyond the edge of the bed, I met with resistance. I was trapped within the confines of this single bed.

Looking around me, it was obvious that I was in a hospital of some sort. Sure, the decor didn't say hospital, but there were certain things that did. You know, the little things you would normally overlook. The oxygen connections on the walls, and the piglet tree hanging from the ceiling for bags of this or that.

The door wide enough to fit my bed through. The wheels on said bed. And, of course, the most obvious, the nurse call button on the TV remote that was connected by a thick cable to the wall. Did all hospitals get these from some inter-dimensional supply warehouse?

I pushed the button to call the nurse.

I'm not sure about the rest of you, but the word nurse always conjures a specific image for me. I'm not talking Sexy Nurse, since that isn't even in the same ballpark for me. No, I think of a rounded, motherly woman, possibly grandmotherly, with short curly hair, any color, and usually a smile on her plump face.

I've never actually met a nurse like that, but it is my stereotypical nurse.

The person who walked in took my breath away, and made me question my sexuality. Ok, so I had been raised as a boy. I was thirteen and hadn't really noticed anyone in that way before. I just assumed that when all was said or done I would find myself with a girl, no matter what I looked like.

He was the most handsome man I have ever seen in my life. He also was masculine in a sort of indefinable way.

He wasn't some muscle bound freak like win weightlifting in the Olympics. I can't really explain. You could just look at him and see Man. And he had incredibly blue eyes. What got me down in that moment of euphoria was the fact that not only was he probably twice my age, but I looked like a boy.

"You're awake. If you wait a moment I can get the doctor for you?" I knew it wasn't really a question he was asking, but he phrased it to make me feel relaxed. Made it a question. . .why am I analyzing this to death.

I was truly and deeply twiterpated, as certain Disney characters would say. He smiled and turned to leave, and I shook myself out of my shock for a moment.

"Where am I?" was what I planned to say, in an eloquent and most adult manner.

I think I squeaked something out, but it wasn't recognizable to my ears. "Do you need a drink of water? You've been out for quite a while.
I cleared my throat and tried again, "Where am I?"

"Well, that all depends on the nature of the question. Locally, you are in the St. Agnes Hospital, Hargrave, Arizona. Globally that would be the Republic of Free States of Columbia. Galactically it is Earth or Sol III. Inter-dimensionally. . .well, none of the established contacted realities can decide on a single nomenclature. I think they all want to be considered Prime, and won't let anyone else have the honor."

"That's easy, you're the fifth world I've visited or become aware of, so you are Earth₅"

"How do you even say that. . ."

"It takes practice," I said with a giggle.

"I take it your home is Earth₁ then?"

"No one ever said I wasn't ego-centric."

He laughed aloud at this. I smiled at him and giggled. Yay. A laugh.

"Ok, Earth₁ I think I can agree to that, since you are the only person I know who has visited so many. I paged the doctor when you buzzed, so he should be in here shortly."

A man who looked like an older version of the nurse walked in. He wasn't wearing the white scrubs that the nurse did. He wore more traditional green scrubs with a lab coat over them. "Are all medical staff cloned from the same perfect man."

The both looked at me, and I realized I had said this aloud. I blushed bright red.

The older one looked at the younger one, "I would like to get a full psychological workup done on him within the next couple of hours. Do that for me will you, Brian?"

Ok, now this was all just getting too weird for me. I can handle Brian the bully, and Brian the killer, but Brian the gorgeous male nurse?

I think I fainted because I was looking into those amazing blue eyes again. I looked carefully at his face, and there were traces of the Brian that I knew. It made me feel a little sick.

"What's wrong?"

I looked at his name plate and vomited. He was Brian Jensen. Sure, he was Brian₅ and not the Brian₁ or Brian₂ that I knew. I had flirted with him. I vomited again.

"You killed Jamie₂, I mean Brian₂ did."

"I think we need to move up that workup."

"Dad, I told you, she came out of nowhere. She is a Traveler."

"There are no confirmed reports of Travelers, Brian. At the present time we can only communicate with people in other realities."

"Then you explain a single chromosome difference between this kid and a 24 year old mother of two."

"Cloning?" He said it, but even his tone sounded unsure.

"You know as well as I do that more minor changes to the genetic code result in failed fetuses. Heck, direct cloning fails still."

"You have work. Let me check out my patient." He turned to me and the younger Jensen left the room. "Other than being sick there a little, how are you feeling?"

"The Jamie in this world is a mother?"

"How. . ."

"My name is Jamie."

"Neither of us said the individuals name." He got a bit of a thoughtful look on his face. "You've already been checked for Telepathy and Precognition, both negative."

"I'm right here, Dr. Jensen. I like to be talked to, not talked about."

"I'm sorry, Young Lady," he said absently, and then started and blushed, "I meant young man."

"It's alright, Dr. Jensen. I don't mind if you think of me as a girl," I blushed a bit as I said this. I wasn't as conflicted about the father, he was just too old, but I preferred for them to think of me as a girl.

At that moment, Dr. Jensen touched his right thumb to his right index finger. "Dr. Jensen here," he said as he turned a bit away from me. He looked as though he were listening to something for a few moments, every once in a while saying "uh-huh" or "ok". He finished with, "Ok, send her on up here. . .in five minutes? Ok, thanks." He touched his right thumb to his right pinkie and turned back to me.

"We're going to have our resident psychologist down here, a Mary Pierce-Keller, to talk to you for a bit. Would that be ok?"

I think my smile gave me away. He checked my body a bit more, making sure that I was healthy, and then he left the room just as Mary₅ came into the room.

"Hi, Mary. I'm Jamie"

"Hello, Jamie." She seemed a little off her stride, so I thought I'd just go with it.

"Your last name's Keller, so I assume your Husband's name is Frank, right?"

"Yes. . ."

"And you have a print of one of the van Gogh Sunflowers in your office."

She looked down at her clip board quickly, and then mused, "It says you aren't a telepath or precog. . .interesting. I take it someone here put you up to this?"

"Nope, but how bout I tell you that you have always preferred working with kids to grownups. there can't be many people you've told that to."

A little look of fear entered her eye. She quickly hid it. I hurried to continue, "Brian₅ called me a Traveler."

"Brian 5?"

"Of, oops. I have to do something to keep everyone straight. This is the 5th earth I have personal knowledge of."

She blinked a couple of times, looked at me shrewdly, and said, "Why don't you start at the beginning."

So I did. It's getting to be quite a tale at this point, and I figured since she was supposed to be evaluating me, I might as well leave nothing out. I cried a few times, and I could tell she wanted to comfort me, but couldn't really do so.

I told her about my Father, and Jamie₂'s father. I told her about the murder, and about feeling more comfortable being recognized as a girl.

She did ask me a question about having children at this point. I told her about my accident. She probed the source of my feelings about sex and gender.

I had never had a conversation like this with anyone before. It was me doing all the talking, but I could feel her drawing all of my emotions out toward her and sifting through them.

I stopped at one point and looked at her. Something she had just staid triggered a spark in my mind. "You have Empathy, don't you. No more than that, something else. . .something a little more."

"We call them Sifters here. I can't influence your emotions, but I can see them like a tapestry, and feel the pattern of them."

"Like reading my mind?"

"All that a telepath can ever get is the surface thoughts, like an empath can only get your current emotion. A sifter can read your core emotions. The source of your thoughts. They sift through the emotions you feel, and can follow the threads to the root cause. It makes us a lot better at counseling and advising than most people."

"So, you can tell I'm telling the truth?"

"And why you tell the truth, or lie."

"So, you believe I'm a Traveler?"

"I know that you believe it."

"How can I prove it to you?"

"For right now, you can't. Your abilities have been nullified to allow you time to rest."

I wondered. Was my ability limited by four dimensions? I wondered.

I'd been wanting to write in my journal for days now. It would be as good a test as any. I found my journal. I tried to pull it, and felt my energy going to no effect. I stopped for a moment to think. Ok, every time I have been able to open a gate, I have connected to something alive. The apple tree, Jamie₂ and Jamie₄, Brian₅. . .

I reached for my dad, my real one, Richard. I then pulled the book along the connection between us. It took a lot more energy than sending the book to him had done, but there it was in my hand. I lay back on the bed exhausted.

I turned to look at Mary, and saw her look of shock. "How is that for proof."

Well, I think I said that, because I passed out about the same time.
---
There was something shining in my eyes, so I tried to pull away. "Back with us, huh?"

"Hi, Dr. Jensen."

"I'm going to have to ask that you don't try to do that again for a while. Your body has used up most of its reserves and you are in real danger right now."

"Ok, Dr. Jensen."

I sat up, and felt something pull against my head. I reached a hand up. My hair was long. "How long was I out. . ."

"Not that long," he said with a smile. "Mary thought you would appreciate this."

"Is it a wig?"

"No, it's your hair. We just helped it along a little."

"A little?" My hair was long enough to get caught beneath me when I sat up.

"Your body reacted a little better to the drug than we were expecting. We monitored you to make sure it wasn't affecting your recovery. You've been out about sixteen hours this time, so all together you were out for about four days."

I didn't know what to say about that.

A man in a suit knocked on the open door and walked in. "How is our patient, Doctor."

From the look on Dr. Jensen's face, I could tell he didn't like the man in the suit very well. "She's fine."

"Good. Now Jamie, it has come to our attention that you are currently without legal guardianship. It is also apparent that you are from another dimension. So, you are to be transferred to the care of your closest genetic relative of age, a Jamie Kreis. Won't that be so nice for you, Jamie. She even has your same name. She will be here later to fill out the necessary paperwork, Doctor. Have a good day."

He turned and left without another word. The Doctor and I sat there for a moment looking at each other and then burst out laughing. Just then Brian poked his head into the room, "I hear my favorite patient is awake."

I blushed. I needed to stop doing that.

"Hi Jamie, I have someone here to see you."

Apparently the lawyers people skills were only outdistanced by his sense of timing for their complete lack of capability. I had seen myself dead once, a girl my age once, and now a mature female version of me entered the room.

I really hoped I could grow up to look like her, because she was gorgeous.

"You're blonde!" I couldn't help the outburst.

"It's dyed. I thought it looked better this way. So, you're me?"

"Sorta. I guess. I'm the us from another world."

She came over to the bedside and gave me a hug, "Pleased to meet me, Jamie," she said with an infectious giggle. I giggled back.

"So, how much longer does she need to stay here?"

"Well, we can probably discharge her today. She will be going back to her own dimension eventually, but it will likely be a couple of weeks before she is well enough to travel. So, she has to avoid any use of her power, and since it is completely controlled by her conscious mind, and we can't actively prevent it, she might as well spend her time out in the real world."

"Ok, sounds good to me. My husband is anxious to meet her, I have to warn you though, Jamie, he's all mine."

I giggled at this and replied, "Don't worry, I like someone else." I couldn't help it and flicked a glance at Brian₅. She glanced at him herself, "I have to admit, if I weren't married. . ." We both giggled at this.

"What was that," asked the subject of our humor, and we completely broke down into a laughing fit.

"There's one more thing that we need to discuss," Dr. Jensen said getting a little more serious.

"What's that," the older me inquired.

"Our staff sifter has determined that little Jamie is transgendered and uncomfortable with her body image as it currently is. We would like to implant a synthetic hormone gland."

Wait, what? Ok, so I knew a little about how hormones changed the body during puberty. I also knew that there was a lot of hoops to jump through in both Earth₁ and Earth₂ and in Earth₄ it had just been illegal for a teen to consider it.

But this easy? There had to be a catch somewhere. Why would they be so cavalier about it.

"Isn't Jamie a bit young for that," asked biggie-me

"Normally, yes, but most of the age concern was over informed consent of the patient regarding loss of all potential offspring. It is felt that anyone under the age of 25 does not fully understand the ramifications of their actions in this regard."

I cocked my head at this. What a really skewed perspective. Eunuchs like me could change their gender at will, but people still in the gene-pool had to wait 'til they were 25 to even start. . .

Biggie-me got a sad look on her face, "Jamie can't have kids? Ever?"

Before Dr. Jensen could respond, I answered for myself, "I got in a really stupid accident when I was younger and had to have my testes removed."

"I'm sorry, sweetie." She hugged me and I got a little teary eyed.

"It's ok, biggie-me."

"Huh?"

I spent the next twenty minutes trying to explain, second hand from Jamie₂ about mini-me. They were a little confused, but finally got it, sort of.

"How about you just call me Claire, like my husband does."

"Claire?"

"He is European, and doesn't like how Jamie sounds as a girl's name, so he started calling me Claire in college when we met, because he said it fit me better. It stuck, and I have a number of friends who only know me by that name."

"Oh, how sweet." I said. It was a romantic little story and made me happy.

"So, Jamie, do you want this? Do you want to start looking more like a girl?"

"I don't know. This is all so sudden. I wouldn't have to even consider it for another few years at home."

"Crap. Jamie, Claire, I need you to hold your decision for a bit." He touched his right thumb to his middle finger and then said, "Leland Farnsworth." turning a bit away from us again.

"What's he doing?" Claire turned to me at my question. "Talking on the phone," was her matter of fact reply.

"Leland. . .yes, I need you back in Jamie's room for a bit. . .no, the guardian arrived, but there is another matter we need to discuss. . .ok, see you then."

He touched his right pinky again, and turned back to us. "We didn't even consider the legal ramifications of a medical procedure on an inter-dimensional traveler. Your laws have to be different from ours."

Irrationally, I had gone from unsure whether I wanted this to sure I wanted it, or maybe just sure I wanted the choice. I hated to have the possibility of developing like my peers dangled in front of me, and then casually snatched away.

"The lawyer will be here in a couple of hours. We can go down to the cafeteria to eat, if you want Claire? Jamie?"

"In this?" I said, gesturing to my hospital gown.

"No, actually. We had a dress made for you by the nano-tailors. I'll leave you girls while you change, Jamie."

I would like to say that it was the most perfect dress in the world, but apparently nano machines are a little utilitarian in their designs. If you have someone directing them every moment, you can get some really pretty designs. These had been left on autopilot. It was a nice cream yellow color with inch wide shoulder straps. That is about all that you can say for it. It kind of looked like a sack on the hangar. It didn't look too bad on me, and it fit, so I was a little thankful there.

We went down and ate in the cafeteria. The food was pretty good actually, since the last thing I remember eating was an almost tasteless protein brick in the sanitarium. We finished up our meals and walked back to the room. I was really starting to like Claire a lot. She was like me in a lot of respects, but we weren't the same. I guess it was a lot like having a twin sister ten years older than you.

The lawyer was waiting for us in the room when we arrived.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 16:
Storm Warning

The lawyer came over to me first, "May I have your hand please?"

I didn't think much of it and reached out to shake his hand, "Ok, now I just need you to talk about hormone therapies from your world. "

I looked at him a little strangely.

"The human mind records more information than the conscious mind can process. I am able to access this overflow, and actually see your memories of certain events. I will tell you now, that this viewing constitutes privileged information and is covered under an implicit attorney client seal."

I had no idea what he was talking about, but I started to talk about the things that Mary had relayed to me, and as I did I was back in her office. I was sitting there, nervously waiting to speak to my Shrink again. Gotta remember that I call him Frank now. She was talking about options that I could take. And when I could take them. We talked a little bit about the dangers.

Like that it was over.

"Well, hmm," The lawyer stated. "This is going to be a bit trickier than we thought. They don't have any therapies anywhere close to what we offer. They still use Hormone Replacement Therapy."

"You're kidding? And I'll bet they still think that leaches are a good way to purify the humors." Dr. Jensen was scowling. "When would they allow Jamie to start poisoning herself?"

"They would have allowed her to start on HRT when she turned sixteen. That's in about two years, right?"

I nodded at him. I had thought for a moment that this would be my solution to everything. I had thought I might finally start to be the person who I felt myself to be inside. I felt a tear come to my eye. I would not cry over this.

"I'm sorry. I don't care what the laws regarding the quacks in her own dimension are. This is a safe procedure compared to that."

"Yes, but legally she isn't bound by our laws. We need to respect the laws of her dimension. This is part of the Accord."

"Only if her dimension is in contact with ours."

Everyone looked at Brian. He continued, "If her earth isn't one of the seven that we are in contact with, then she is a free agent according to the Accord."

"Well, technically. . ." began the lawyer.

"Technically nothing. The Accord specifically states that any individual not covered separately by the laws of a signatory of the Accord is under the jurisdiction of the signatory in which he or she resides."

"That clause was supposed to be a catch all to protect citizenship."

"It also grants dimensional citizenship to any citizen of a non signatory dimension."

"I see those three years in law school didn't go to waste when you decided to become a nurse, Son."

Brian beamed a bit at this praise.

"Fine, we will sort this quickly. What year is it in your dimension?"

"1989, sir."

He looked at me for a moment, as if I were making a joke. "1989? There are no recorded Psi capable individuals in any dimension we have encountered at that date."

"Do you need to check me again?"

"My ability won't be able to determine the truth of your statement. It can only access your real memories, which will only see what you have seen. You believe the date to have been 1989, so a sifter won't help either."

"When failure of accepted methods of verification is irreconcilable, the veracity of statements made must be accepted." Brian looked a little smug when he said this.

The lawyer glared at him, then looked at Dr. Jensen. He pressed his right thumb to his right ring finger twice. "Well doctor, I declare, per my authority in the Accord, as the closest representative of the judicial system, that Jamie is a legal citizen of this dimension, and shall be registered as such."

A disembodied voice replied, "Name of the applicant for citizenship records?"

"Jamie Patrice," I stated, looking around.

"Sex of the applicant?"

"Male," stated Dr. Jensen. I looked at him a bit betrayed, but he had a small knowing smile for me.

"Gender of the applicant?"

"Female," stated Brian clearly with a big smile.

"Per discrepancy clauses regarding Sex versus Gender, applicant will be referred to as Female in all legal documentation. Case number is 8716b543k11. End proceeding."

I was a little shocked at the speed with which this had all been done. I knew that the proceeding to place me in foster care back home was just beginning.

Crap. Back home. I hadn't been there to receive Mary's call, if she'd been able to recharge the phone. What in the world was I going to do. She would be getting in trouble with Child Protection and it was all my fault. I was supposed to be meeting with them. . .I did a quick calculation of days. Crap I had missed it. And Mary had no idea what had happened to me.

I began to cry. How could I have been so thoughtless. Claire came over and wrapped me in her arms. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"I forgot about Mary. I was off wandering around the dimensions and forgot that she needed me back there."

"It's ok, sweetie. You'll get back there soon enough."

"Claire, should we proceed? With the surgery I mean?"

"Jamie, honey, would you like to go ahead with your surgery?"

"But. . ."

"I'm sure that Mary would want you to be true to yourself, right?"

I just nodded. I felt like she was treating me like a child, but at that moment, I think it's what I needed.

"What exactly does this surgery mean, Dr. Jensen?" I wanted to know what it would mean for my trans-dimensional wanderings.

"The gland is designed to generate female hormones much like the sex organs of a natural female. They need no upkeep, and are generated using a sample of your own tissue, so rejection is almost unheard of."

"Will it turn me into a woman?"

"It will act much like the hormone replacement therapy described to your in your own world. Only this will be your body's own hormones."

I couldn't help but smile at that. I would be developing like a normal girl.

"Let's do it."

"Ok, it will take about 36 hours t prepare the gland. We'll schedule you for surgery two days from now. How does that sound?"

I smiled really big, and Claire responded that it would be fine.

Claire took me to her home, and I got to play with her kids. Mr. Kreis was ok, but I'm not sure I would have ever married him. I watched some TV, and played with the kids some more. Ok, so I really love kids. It was a calm couple of days.

We went back into the hospital as agreed. "How are you feeling, Jamie."

"A little scared, Brian. I know I want this, but I don't know what surgery is going to be like."

He kissed me on the cheek and I blushed. "It will be alright, Jamie. You'll be out of there in no time, and then you can start growing up the way you were meant to."

I was excited about that. Before I knew it I was on a hospital bed being wheeled into the surgery prep room. It seemed an instant later that I was waking up. My stomach was a little sore, and there was a small bandage on my belly button.

The soreness went away over the next couple of days. I checked my eyes in the mirror every day. I watched as they slowly went from orange back to my normal green. One morning, I woke up feeling whole for the first time in a long while. I knew, before I even looked in the mirror, that my eyes would be completely green again.

"I have to go, now, Claire."

"I'm going to miss you, Mini-me"

"You to, Biggie-me."

She gave me a hug, and then I stepped back. I reached out across the worlds. I knew who I needed to find, and I had an Idea that I had been working through since the last time I traveled. The first time, I had a complete connection to my other self before releasing my own world. I latched onto Mary and then let go of the world.

Instantly I was standing in Mary's living room for what seemed the first time in years, but was in reality only about a week.

Mary₁ fainted.

"Mary, wake up. It's me, Jamie."

"We thought we'd lost you two. I called your mother and she misses you. She's almost frantic. Both of you don't know what you put us through."

"Um, it's only me right now, Mary. Jamie₂ isn't here right now. We found her a new body. I got hurt fighting Beast, and had to recuperate. Oh, I now have a gland that produces hormones like we talked about."

Mary just looked at me, and then said simply, "Could you start at the beginning please?"

I happily told her everything that had happened since I last saw her. We cried at times together, especially when I told her about the loss of the little one to the Beast. She seemed really happy for me and my new additional part.

When I came to the end, She looked at my eyes closely, and then the rest of my face. She brushed my hair out of my eyes and then spoke to me, "I wouldn't wish what you've seen upon anyone, let alone a teenager. I know you've got to head back out there, because Jamie₂ still needs to go home. I also think that you might be happier in her world."

"But I want to be with you, Mary!"

"Sweetie, I was only ever going to be a temporary stop in your life. With your ability, you will be able to visit me any time you want, but you need a real home. Helen₂ can provide that for you."

"I love you, Mary."

Mary cried a bit at this, "I know, sweetie. You'll be ok. You will bloom anywhere that you are planted. Go save Jamie₂."

"I need a mirror."

"You only have the barest little bit of orange in your eyes, you should have lots of energy."

I hugged Mary, and reached out for my other half. Jamie was my real twin. My sister.

'I'm coming, Jams'

I found her. I latched on, and released the world.

"Get a room guys."

Jams was kissing Underseer. They turned to me, and Underseer blushed bright red, while Jams bounced over to me and threw her arms around me. "SIS!!! I love the hair! And the dress."

It may have been utilitarian, but I loved the color, and so that first dress they'd given me had become my favorite.

"So, we need to get you home, Jams."

"Um, there are some problems with that. . ."

"What's going on?"

Underseer spoke up here. "Beast has been trying to get a foothold in this world. He keeps trying to find one of our Psi's here that he can use to hide in. So, once per day, Jams orders him home."

"Order?"

"Yeah, it's sort of like this. . ."

We swapped stories and caught up quickly. I told her about Claire and her kids, and then something occurred to me. "Corin, hold down the fort. Jams and I need to make a quick run home."

I grabbed her hand, and before she could say anything, I reached out and latched onto Helen₂. I released the world.

Helen was just getting off the phone when we appeared. "Hi, Mom!" we said simultaneously. She fainted.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 17:
What was lost, now is found

After all that we'd been through, to come home and have to deal with this. Most of the time people think nothing of someone fainting. They just collapse to the ground, right?

Sometimes we all forget that there are safer places to fall down than others. She was in the kitchen and hit her head on the counter as she fell. It opened up a gash on her scalp. All the power in the universe, and I couldn't stop this one action. I was going to collapse there, but Jams rushed over and put pressure on her Mom's head. She turned and looked at me.

"Call 911, Sis."

Her words spurred me to action and I ran over to the handset.

"911, what is the nature of your emergency?"

"My Mom fainted and hit her head on the counter."

"I show you at 493 Raintree Circle, is that correct?"

"Yes, please hurry. My sister is trying to stop the blood."

"Please stay on the line with me until the EMTs arrive."

I considered. for a moment, poping over to the 911 call center and scaring her a bit. She was so calm when all I wanted to do was scream. There was a nock on the door "Hargrave FD, we had a call about an emergency."

I dropped the phone and ran to the door. I had stared down two killers and a rapist. I had acted well and quickly, followed my training. . .

I let the men in as I continued to think about my actions. Training. I had been trained to fight, to evade, to overcome. Life had trained me. My dreams had reflected life. I was a warrior knight.

Jams really was my other half. She was the benevolent queen. She dreamed of helping people through her knowledge and compasion. She thought things through, and found resolutions. She was the leader, not me. I had thought I was the lead of this story, but I had always been wrong. I had been following Jams for my entire life, and the one moment that I actually recognized it I paniced and got us both captured and almost killed.

Even in our interactions, she had more of a name than I did. I was the Sister. She was Jams.

It was a flash of light in the darkness. I realized at that moment that I would follow her to the end of the world, and would use my sword and shield to protect her from the monsters in the darkness.

I came back to the world around me, and realized that Jams had been talking to me. "Are you alright, Sis?"

"I think so. I really think so."

"Girls, your mom is going to be alright. Head wounds tend to look worse than they are."

Mom was just stirring and looking around.

"What's your name?"

"I'm Helen Patriche."

"Do you know where you are?"

"I'm at home. What happened?"

"Mom!" We both said together. We rushed over and hugged her.

"Your girls found you collapsed in the kitchen. You seem to be ok now. If you'd like we can give you a ride into the hospital. If you decide not to come with us, I need you to sign a denial of consent form. If you do stay home, I suggest taking it easy for a couple of days, and contact your doctor at the first sign of light headedness."

"My girls. . .?"

"We found you Mommy. We were so worried."

"Yes, Mommy. We were worried."

She decided to take it in stride, and waited until the EMTs left to hug us to death. "I thought I'd lost you two. Why did you leave without telling me. I was so worried that something had happened to you. The police went out looking for you and your step-father, who was out on bail, was picked up again because we thought he might have done something."

She cried, and I was ashamed of my actions all over again. I had never thought of the consequences. Jams had organized a rebellion, and saved all of the lives of the people around her. I had done nothing but fail.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't ever have come. I'm sorry that I took Jams with me. I'll go somewhere else now."

Jams grabbed onto me like she could stop me by just holding on.

"Never leave me without permission."

I felt something change. I had been about to leave. I had planned to just head straight for the beast and have it out once and for all. Him and me. To the death of both of us.

I couldn't.

"What did you do?" I looked at her with wide eyes.

"Something that pains me. I prevented you from leaving, but in a small way I changed who you are."

"But why? I've brought you nothing but greif."

"You're the only reason I'm alive, Dummy. I would have been dead two weeks ago. You're the reason that I found someone who loves me. I had to return the favor."

The three of us sat there in the front room and cried. We'd collapsed there after the EMTs left.

We slowly calmed, and simply hugged on the floor. "Are you better now, Girls?"

"Yes, Mommy."

"Yep." I'm the one who made the short reply, "Mommy?"

"Yes, Jamie. . .ok, with two of you, I think that we need to give one a new name."

"Mommy, I think that she should be Jamie. I died, and so this is a new me, and should have a new name."

"Jams. . ."

"No, You deserve it. I've actually been thinking about this over the past week. When it was the two of us in one body, we could work it out. People were obviously talking to one of us, and we could both answer. It doesn't work any more."

"But. . ."

"No, I will change. I just can't decide on a good name."

"How about Olivia?" We both looked at Mom when she said that.

"If you'd been born a girl, we wouldn't have kalled you James, dear."

We looked at each other and laughed. Out of five alternates we had met, two of them genetically female, all had been James or Jamie. Tells you what assuming does.

We shared the joke with our Mom. She smiled at it. "So, do you like Olivia, dear?"

Jams, I mean Olivia nodded. I was going to have some difficulty with this, it seemed.

Something occured to me. Every other Jamie we had met had their name changed. Something bigger than me or even the few dimensions that I'd visited was going on.

I didn't have time to worry about it at the moment. We had come here with a purpose.

"Mommy, we need some cell phones so that we can keep in touch with you."

"Ok, sweetie, we can get you two cell phones."

"Um. . .we need seven."

"Jamie." She used her best strict Mom voice on me

"I need one, Olivia needs one, and each of Olivia's generals need a cell phone."

"My generals?"

"Of course, or did you think I missed you being called Queen?"

She blushed and pretty shade of red. It was fun yanking her chain.

She got a thoughtful expression on her face, "You know, Jamie, it's not going to work."

"Sure it will! I just need to make sure the opening stays open."

"And waste your energy on something meaningless? No, I have a better idea. We just need someone to alter the phones."

"That will cost money that we can't afford, and probably knowledge that the techs won't have."

"No, we just need Bree."

"Who's Bree?"

Olivia got up and kissed Mom. "We'll be right back. Would you mind taking us to Corin, Jamie?"

We popped over to Corin. I was beginning to wonder how we accomplished this without a pressure wave at our destination.

"Jams!"

"I'm Olivia now."

He looked at her quizically, but she continued, "Where's Bree?"

"In the common room."

She dragged me along behind her and we ran to the common room. Blue eyes. My mind completely locked up. There are eyes that are variations on the shade blue. They vary from what is called ice blue, to almost black blue. In that moment I realized that there was an arctypical blue that all the others had been preparing me for my entire life.

"I love you. . ." I only realized a moment later that I had spoken and I blushed crimson.

She kissed me. I melted.

I almost collapsed onto the floor I relaxed so much, but she held me up.

"You're Jamie, Aren't you. I'm Bree."

I looked at her face for the first time. "Brian. . .?"

"Brianna."

"Oh."

I had no idea what to think in that moment. I really needed a session with Mary. I loved a girl. I thought I was supposed to be a girl. I was confused.

Bree saw my look, and then she started to look uncomfortable. "I'm so sorry. I know it isn't right for girls to kiss like that, but when you said you loved me, in that moment, it was like I had been looking for you my entire life. . .I'll go." The happiness of a moment before went out of her face.

She thought of me as a girl. She wanted to kiss me when she thought I was a girl. Crap, she's getting away.

I ran over to her and grabbed her. "No, Bree, don't leave. You weren't wrong. I. . .I. . ." I couldn't think what to say that wouldn't be confused on it's way from my heart to my mouth by way of my brain. I kissed her. This time she melted.

She smiled at me when we broke it off that time. She hugged me and whispered in my ear, "I always knew there was someone out there who could accept me for who I am. Thank you."

We both cried some tears of joy.

"Ladies, would you mind paying attention to someone else for a moment?"

We both giggled at that and turned to Olivia.

"I'm going to stay here to start organizing the troops. Why don't you two go and get the cellphones with Mom. I'm sure she'll want to meet your new girlfriend, Jamie."

I blushed and Bree hugged me.

I moved the two of us to Mom. Bree was still hugging me.

"Hi, Mom."

"Hi, Jamie's Mom."

"Welcome back, Jamie. Who's this, and where's Olivia."

"This is Bree, Mom. Apparently she's the one I was supposed to pick up to help us with the cellphones."

"Yeah, we apparently fell for each other at first sight."

"Oh really. Aren't you two a little young for that?"

"Mom, I am fourteen."

She tried to look sternly at us, but I think it was too hard for her. She also knew the life I'd been through, and I think she might have thought that I deserved a little happiness now, even if there was a possibility it wouldn't last.

"Welcome, Bree. So, you can make cellphones work between worlds?"

"As long as I have some idea what I'm trying to do, then I can do anything with electronics."

"You look a little young to be an engineer."

"Well, you know that Jamie moves between worlds, and Jams can order people and they have to obey?"

"Olivia can make people obey her?"

"Her name is Olivia now? That's soooo pretty. Not as pretty as Jamie, though." She got a kiss for her efforts.

Mom looked sternly at us, and we both had the good grace to look abashed.

"While I accept your relationship, ladies, I expect you to try to curb yourselves, at least for the time being. I'll tell you both something my father told me when I started dating. Kissing and touching and. . .other things. . .are natural and make you feel good. They are also the easiest way to ruin a new relationship. Get to know each other first. Learn who you are together. The rest will grow from that, and be even more special when the time is right."

"How do Mom's get to be so wise?"

"By paying the consequences for wrong choices."

I remembered that my father wasn't my Mom's husband. I guess she might know the consequences for doing things wrong.

"So, can I expect you two to at least try to get to know each other first?"

"Yes, Mommy."

"Yes, Ma'am."

We stopped holding each other so tightly, but we still held hands, and we got a genuine smile from Mom.

"Bree, you can call me Helen, ok?"

"Ok, Helen."

Bree smiled.

"I need to take a look at a cellphone, and if possible, place a call to another dimension with it."

Well, to business. Mom handed me her phone, and I dialed Mary's number. "Hello, Helen?"

"No, It's Jamie. I'm handing the phone to Bree. She is trying to improve cross-dimensional communication."

"Hi, Mary. I'm Jamie's girlfriend, Bree. Can you talk to me so I can hear how the voice changes as I make modifications?"

She lisened for a few moments before turning to me and saying, "Done, and she wants to talk to you, Jamie."

"Hello?"

"Girlfriend? Does this change your mind about what you want to do?"

"She likes me for who I am."

"She knows about all of you?"

"Um, well, um . . .she sees me as a girl."

Bree looked at me a little strangely.

"Don't you think you had better tell her before we go on?"

"Um, well, probably."

"Jamie, I have seen you be truly decisive in the past, what's changed now?"

I couldn't tell her in front of Bree, I needed her to see me like this still. I couldn't loose this. I said nothing.

"Jamie, you need to tell her. Please. You can call me back when you are done."

She hung up, and I sat there for a moment holding a disconnected cellphone.

"Bree, I want to talk to you about something?"

"Are you breaking up with me already, Jamie?"

She looked like she was about to cry, and I couldn't help it and cried myself. "No, but you may not want me after I tell you."

We went up to Jamie. . .Olivia's room for some privacy.

"I was born a boy, Bree. I've known for a while I was really a girl, but physically I'm only just beginning to change into what I feel I am inside."

"Are you going to become a girl, then? Physically I mean?"

"Yes, I am."

"Ok, then everything's fine?"

"That simple? But, doesn't that change how you see me?"

"You look and act like a girl. You kiss like a girl. That's all that matters, Jamie."

I hugged her to me, and she hugged me back.

I called Mary on the phone, and while it was ringing, Bree walked out of the room and closed the door. I guess she wanted me to have some privacy.

"So, how did it go?" Mary was always really conversational with me when trying to open up. She would just start talking to me, and I would open up to her.

"It went better than I thought it would. She still likes me."

"I'm happy for you, Jamie!"

We talked for a while, and it felt good. We examined my feelings for Bree, and the fact that I still thought of myself as a girl. I realized when it ended that this was the first real therapy session I'd had with Mary in two weeks. I was used to talking to her every day or so.

I felt at peace.

I went downstairs where Mom and Bree were talking. "Are you ready to go, Jamie?"

"We don't have to buy all those cellphones!"

"What's up?"

"I can make them for us out of parts, and I'm going to make a base for us and put it in the back yard, and. . ."

Mom and I laughed, and the three of us went out to get the supplies that BRee needed.

It took us most of the afternoon to help her construct the headsets she wanted to use as the base. When we were done, we tested them by calling Mom and Mary at the same time. Four way calling, and the "cell tower" was in my back yard.

We gathered up the remaining headsets, I held Bree's hand, and she held mine. I latched onto Olivia. I let go of the world.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 18:
Not just any body, reprise

And that's the second time that I appeared as Corin and Olivia were kissing. It's like they're dating or something.

"Jamie!"

"Hey, Liv."

"I haven't had my name for two days and already you've given me a nickname."

"Of course. You didn't think I would keep saying a mouthful like Olivia all the time, did you? Oh-liv-ee-a. That's like, four syllables." Giggles all around. Well, except for Corin. He just sort of smiled.

"So, Queen Liv, we going to do this thing?"

"Let's get everyone in here before we start then." We waited for Keeper, Lacey, Walker, and Pedant to come before Olivia continued.

"You got the cell phones?"

"We've got something better," Bree replied going into her full geek mode. She reminded me a bit of a female Q. My step-father was a big James Bond fan. I watched them because I thought that Roger Moore was cute.

"These headsets will not only communicate cross dimensions, but will tap into local dimension communications. They are thought controlled, and completely autonomous. They have a battery life of approximately sixteen hours, and self charge when not in active use."

"Wait, I thought perpetual motion was impossible. How can they self charge?" Corin looked confused.

"The energy differential between dimensions actually causes. . ."

"Ok, I don't think we need to know quite that much, Bree." Olivia put up her hand to stop Bree from continuing. She looked a little upset about it. This was her area. Her one moment to shine.

"Sweetie? You can tell me later if you want?" I'm not sure if it was the endearment, or the offer of me listening, but Bree perked back up.

"Ok, simple version then: They will work pretty much indefinitely, and you just have to concentrate on who you want to talk to. You can communicate with as many people as you can think about at the same time."

"Bree, honey, as cool as that is, did you think to have it lock onto people? Set it up more like a phone than telepathy."

Bree looked at me, blinked, and then started to smile. She touched each of the headsets in turn.

"Ok, think of a person, and think call, and it will connect you. Think lock and you can call another person without losing the first. Think release to unlock a specific person."

"Wait. . .person?"

While we watched, Bree put on the headset. "For the demonstration, I will speak the commands, but you can just think them. Call Jamie, Lock Jamie, Call Olivia, Lock Olivia, Call Corin. Hello World!"

I heard her words in my head. 'Ok, so that's different.'

'Jamie?'

'Olivia?'

'Ok, so now we can hear each other's thoughts.' I assumed that this new "voice" was Corin. I recognized Olivia from when we'd shared the same body.

"And I hear it as words. Here, Jamie, you try."

I put on the headset, and spoke into it. "Ok, guys, talk to me."

"Wow, that's cool." thought, said, whatever Olivia.

I took off the headset and handed it back to Bree. "Um, upgrade? "

"Well, Jamie, it's all your fault. When you mentioned the way I had it set up was more like telepathy, I figured, why not. The wavelength that telepathy runs on is not all that different to the cell phones. Sure, it is a different radiation type. Ok, I know, too much info."

"I love you, Bree. You're so cute when you go all techie on me."

I gave her a quick kiss and then turned to Olivia. "So, Queen, what's the plan?"

"Why me, Jamie?"

"Code names, Queen. We are on operational footing now. It's time we took out the Beast."

"Why me, Journey?"

"You are the leader. That is why you are Queen." I smiled at her and continued, "You understand the needs of command. You are our commander. Lead us, Queen."

Olivia took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and began. "Journey, can you take us directly to Beast?"

"No, Queen. I've been trying to get a sense of him, physically, but all I get is his mindscape. Maybe if he was possessing someone here I could follow him back, but without that. . ." I stopped for a moment.

"I can't find him. I don't know enough about him physically to pick him out from the other male Jamies out there."

"Ok, so before we can get to him, we need to wait for him to attack us again," Olivia stood for a moment, thinking, and then turned to the others. "Pedant, we'll need you to stand out for this one. Your training ability is best for us here."

"But, Queen."

"If my ability were not so necessary, I wouldn't be going. You are my second in command. You kept all of them going for months. Organized them. Unified them. "

"Yes, Queen." Pedant, was smiling.

"Just don't get cocky."

He made a mildly rude gesture.

"Lacey, I need you to stay here as well. The little ones trust you."

"Yes, Queen."

"With me will be Walker, who will be linked with Journey to assist her in tracking Beast. Keeper, I need you to wear the new booster. You've been practicing like we discussed?"

"Yes, Queen."

"You know what to do, then. Well, for now, we wait. I want everyone to keep their headsets near them at all times. If this works according to plan, then we capture Beast and I start some major reprogramming." Olivia shuddered at this.

When the others left, and Bree, Corin, Olivia and I were the only ones in the room, I decided to get it out in the open.

"Liv, if this is going to take too much out of you, we can always just let me take him out on the dreamscape with Traveler."

"You don't have enough practice there. We can do this, Jamie. Rest. You made me leader for a reason."

I couldn't fault her on her logic. But I was her sword and shield, and if I could help it she would never need to put herself into harm's way.

I went into my old room here, and lay down on the bed in preparation of leaving my body

When I'd first taken a step out into the astral plane, I had been almost completely out of energy. I was running on my body's reserves, and causing damage that had taken a week to recover from. This time, I was topped out, and ready to go. I had mastered my first ability, for the most part. I could master this one as well. Then, when I was ready, I would pull the Beast into my world, and finish him off.

I slipped out of my body, sure in my ability to do this little task. I moved toward the barrier and slipped myself through it. I felt the strength of the yellow ribbon leading back to my own real home. It even pulsed a bit. I guess this is what it felt like to enter here ready. I looked around me at the expanse that before had seemed so barren.

Perception forms reality. I saw trees with yellow leaves dancing in the purple sunlight. The birds swam in the brook, while the fish sang their soft melodies in the branches.

That's not right. I looked again, and realized that I was under water. I was standing on the under surface of the water. Thought guides perception.

The moment I realized that I was actually floating in the water, I flipped myself around and swam to the surface. I looked for the shore, and realized there wasn't one. As I continued to look, something strange began to impinge upon my awareness. The ribbon connecting me to my body didn't lead into the water. It lead into the sky from here. I knew that I'd walked along the surface of whatever it was to get here. I was completely turned around.

Sometimes the way back, is the way forward.

As it spoke in a relatively silent moment of my thoughts, I realized that I was not alone here. Finally, the youngling sees. Welcome to my world, Jamie.

"Who are you!"

I am this plane. This in between. I reside in your thoughts and give thought to them. I am not your thoughts, nor are you me.

"Why do you have to talk in riddles?"

Because, Jamie. It's fun. I get so bored out here alone. There are so few of you left.

"I don't understand!"

In ages past, this land was filled with people who walked the planes. It was an ability taught by parents to their children. I lived and breathed with the life of you all. But then people forgot. They decided that magic was a children's story. They turned away from the old ways, and let technology rule their lives.

"Progress happens. It isn't good or evil."

Anything that turns humanity away from the wonder that can be found in a single leaf, or a sunset, or a baby's cry is evil.

"You are wrong. We are meant to progress. In childhood, we see everything with young eyes. We witness everything as if it were new made. It is age that brings this loss of wonder. You are growing old. People have moved on from you."

You think people have moved on? This was a land of dreams in the past. It linked every sleeping mind. Now, only those such as you can enter. I will show you the world of your nightmares.

The sky darkened, and I found myself on a desolate plain. A single dead tree broke the endless expanse. A body hung from one of the branches of the tree and looked at me as I approached. The sun disappeared from the sky, and the shadows lengthened. I will show you the evil in your heart before I take your life.

"Show yourself, Beast!"

I don't know what made me think of that. It was so much easier, I guess, to believe that this place was alive. A laughing croak emitted from the corpse on the tree. "So, you finally realize it's me. You're so deliciously trusting"

The body dropped from the tree, and began a shuffling gait toward me. It seemed deformed in some way. It was as if its proportions were perfectly disproportional. It hurt my eyes to watch him walk. "Stay there, Beast."

"Ah yes, the new name. Did I ever thank you for it? Are you my little Beauty? Gives us a kiss, Dearie."

Tendrils emitted from his mouth. I reached out and grasped my sword, slashing through the filaments that he sent toward me. Once again, I was in my adult body. My silver armor shifted around me, its weight settling upon my shoulders and breasts. The weight of the chainmail skirt pulled at my waist. I heard it skirl across my leg plates.

"You cannot defeat me, Demon!"

"I love the thoughts that you think. I think the thoughts that you reject. Let's see how you face against a real Demon!"

His body shifted, twisted, loosing itself from the frame within which it had been hiding. Before me stood a monstrous being. Its wings were black as midnight. A fire burned in the coal of its eyes. Red skin shimmered in the source less light of this place.

I slashed at the claws he extended toward me, doing little more than creating sparks. Dodging aside at the last minute, I felt the passage of air and smelt the stench of him. Something told me that letting his substance touch me wouldn't be a good idea.

What could I do? There was a skritching sound behind me. The bits I had cut off before had woven themselves into a hideous worm. I flipped the worm thing away with the tip of my sword. In the moment of my distraction, the Beast had charged. Sidestepping, I brought my sword around in a massive arc. It bit deeply into his shoulder, but bound there. The force of his passage wrenched the blade from my hands.

"Points for originality, but really, Jamie, do you think you can defeat me here?"

For the first time, I noticed a chain around his neck. It dragged along the ground, connecting him to it. There was no ribbon connecting him to his body.

"Epiphany begins! I am a part of this world. You need to keep better track of your tether."

He grabbed hold of my ribbon and pain ripped through me. I collapsed to my knees, no longer able to stand.

"You have much to learn, little Jamie. and I'm afraid that your time is now run out."

The talons extended and he slashed through my ribbon. Before it could get away he grabbed hold of it. I felt the cold take me. This is what it felt like to die, and yet be fully aware of your surroundings.

"You little fool. I have been searching for the right body for ages. Do you know how hard it was to manipulate the situation? To bind you to your alternate so you could see a version of my life? To force that slave Brian into killing her? Every step along the path, you have been my little pawn. I leave you a journal, let you believe that I am weak and conceited. People stronger than you trapped me in this world. That is the reason you couldn't even get to me. I was outside reality.

I watched as the cut end of my ribbon began to steam and evaporate. So slowly its length became less. My legs had no strength, and I collapsed even as I tried to stand.

"Give up, little Jamie. Your life is mine now. I can finally begin to take what is mine again. Believe me when I say that I feel your pain. The good news is that you won't feel it for long."

"This isn't over, Beast!"

"Yes, Jamie, it is." His form had shifted until he looked an almost duplicate of me. He pulled the chain out of the ground, and it quickly shifted into a pale blue ribbon and began to dissolve. When he tied it to my yellow ribbon, they merged together. After a brief back and forth, the ribbon turned blue. I felt as if a spear had been thrust through my heart.

"Goodbye, Jamie. You've been an excellent playmate." He laughed manically as he walked away. I expected for it to get darker, but everything began to get brighter and brighter. A voice began to call what I assumed was my name.

A mere moment to go. I looked at my ribbon, watching as it continued to disappear. Laying back, I stared at the blood red sky. So, this is what failure feels like. It had always seemed to me that it would feel worse. As the ribbon began crawling its way across my chest everything went dark.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes evil wins...

Chapter 19 part A:
I can't decide, reprise

Oh to be free, and feel the wind on my own skin after so many years in captivity. I would seek revenge on those that imprisoned me, but their world had burned into a lifeless cinder ages ago.

How many years have I spent waiting for just the right person, with just the right abilities, to come along. Of course they had to be genetically me as well.

I'd thought that the first Jamie of this world would be it, of only she hadn't been genetically female.

The time it took, the endless time.

The endless featureless time.

I'm not one to revel in blood, but the response I got for killing that child was delicious. Jamie lived up to all of my expectations. And this body. My own at last.

I walk around these halls and look at all of the sheep. With a body of my own, I won't need to feed for years yet. Endless life, mine to take. I will be more careful this time. I won't be caught.

It is so hard helping these people to make their plans to capture me without laughing at them. I've won, and they don't even know it. They'll become complacent over time.

Ah, to breathe the air again. To feel the clothing on my skin. Even if it is a dress. Anything is better than nothing at all.

What shall I do today? How shall I be?

I want to leave this place, but the power to walk between words seems to be linked to her spirit, and not her body. It's a pity, but I can bend this world to my will all the same.

I only hope that they do not ask me to prove my abilities to them.

Oh, the things I could teach them about their abilities. They only barely understand the power they have at their finger-tips.

The things they would see if they had even half of my lifespan.

I watched the people of my old world die. Their terror fed me even after the few spirits I could snag from the abyss had long been consumed.

All those years I survived on thos spirits foolish enough to wander into my cell. All those souls I consumed to get one or two more years of existence.

That is all in the past.

"Jamie, is there something wrong?" The short haired girl is looking at me. I think she's concerned for Jamie's well being. Too bad for her that it's too late for all of them. Maybe I'll have to use her before I get rid of her. It's been so long since I was able to perform.

"No, pet, nothing's wrong." That was the wrong name to use. I can't use her real name, since I haven't been here long enough to learn it.

I kiss her on the cheek and hug her, "I'm just a little stressed with the waiting. I'll be alright."

She seems to relax. Well, there's another I'll have to keep my eye on.

"Jamie. I think you and I should hop home for a bit. I'd like to spend some time with Mom. The Beast usually lays low for a bit before making himself known. And we've got the headsets now, so they can reach us even there."

The Beast, huh. Cool. "I think we should wait a bit longer, Olivia."

Now I've really stepped in it. I was sure that I'd heard other people calling her that. Her look at me, though, suggests that I'm supposed to call her something different. For the life of my I don't know what that is.

"Call Jamie."

Um, I'm not wearing a headset.

"Lock Jamie, Call Walker."

What's going on? Something about those headsets I don't understand. I leave the room looking for somewhere to think. I don't understand what's going on here, and I need to figure it out. I'd thought I had enough forays here to get everything down. Why did they go and change everything at the last minute.

It's like someone out there simply wants me to lose.

This isn't fair.

It's my turn to win. I waited patiently, more than patiently. I slowly created all of the proper situations so that Jamie would be the proper vessel. Got her to leave her home, and avenge a murder. Then, when she had someone else in her head, she would want to get that person into an appropriate body.

I had the empty body all ready for her, and had convinced the idiots in this world to keep it alive.

Then, it was a matter of getting her to hate me enough to slip into the space between worlds, a place only someone like her could get to, and free me.

So simple, yet it took me eons to achieve. And here I am going to be done in by someone who thinks their power greater than mine.

I feel her pull me even now, trying to command me. Command ME!? Never. I am above her commands now that the full weight of my spirit can manifest here in this world.

I need to return to Olivia.

Ok, so she almost got me there. I need to keep focused. . .and return to Olivia.

I laugh and walk the other way, even as something in my mind tries to get me to change direction. A focused will can defeat even you, Queen.

'Honey, I'm HOME!!!'

Oh shit.

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

. . .but today's not your day, and tomorrow isn't looking good either

Chapter 19 part B:
The Penultimate Question to Life the Universe and Everything!

I was dying. My soul was dying. I could feel the energy that powered me escaping through the yellow ribbon in my chest. As everything went black, I felt myself lifted, and a far of voice saying, "Just hold on a bit longer, Jamie."

"Who?" I was too confused to understand the answer, if there even was one. I just wanted to fade out. I felt myself getting lighter, as I rode higher in the person's arms.

I felt something tugging at my chest, and then the world exploded. Color streamed out of me and filled everything up. Sounds and thoughts flew like birds. I felt myself filling up, and then expanding like a balloon. It was power. Pure, sweet, power. I laughed and it was the sound of thunder.

I looked down at my feet and saw a small figure looking up to me. I no sooner thought to get closer, than I was the same size as the figure.

"Jamie, you need to calm your emotions. Thoughts have power here." Walker was a little frantic and for the life of me I couldn't understand why. I was the sun, the moon, and the stars. I was the universe, and I was an ant. Everything but Walker was me here. Maybe I should change that. . .

"Jamie, Think about who you are. Focus on Olivia, and Bree. Focus on the people who love you, and who you love."

What is love to me, who is the entirety of creation? What is love when everything breathes with me, lives with me, and dies with my thought?

"You are a person, Jamie. There are people outside of this space that need you!"

Thought came hard for a moment, as if I was pushing against the weight of the universe. Something inside me moved instead. What's going on with me, Walker?

"I had to plug you into this place to save your life. This much power was never meant for a human mind to control."

I can't focus. My mind wants to fly into a thousand pieces. Help me!

"There's only so much that I can do, Jamie. You have to do most of this for yourself. Focus on your loved ones. Keep them in your mind."

I tried. Oh how I tried. I thought of my mother, and Mary, and they quickly slipped away. I thought of the children for a moment before the wonder of being took me again. I collapsed from the size of a galaxy to a planet. I couldn't keep it going. My mind felt like it was made up of millions, billions, trillions of me. . .and then I realized it was. For a moment, I was every Jamie and James and variant in existence. I was being born, and I was dieing. I was making love and I was in the extremities of pain.

I realized I had to focus myself down to being a single person in a single point in time. I found the Beast's thoughts in the midst of it all, and saw him gloating about winning. I locked onto him, and tapped into Olivia's mind. She was talking to him about something, and couldn't quite realize why the answers were wrong.

Call Jamie on the headset. Talk to her mind to find out what's wrong

"Call Jamie"

"Hello, Liv."

"Jamie?"

"Yeah, the Beast kicked me out of my body and is sort of inhabiting it now. Can you add Walker into this?"

"Lock Jamie, Call Walker"

"You're on the party line with Olivia and Jamie, what can I do for you."

"Jamie, you're focused. That was a bit worrisome there for a bit. It's never a good idea to plug into the plane unless there's no other choice."

"You feel...bigger somehow, Jamie. Is that because he plugged you in?"

"Yeah, apparently I'm currently at one with the universe, multiverse, whatever. I almost lost myself in all of the numberless Jamies out there."

"Well, it's good to have you back."

"Not back quite yet. I need to clean house and get that scum out of my body. Unless I tell you 42 the next time I'm aware of my surroundings, order me to die, since Beast will have won."

"Is there anything that we can do?"

"Walker, I just need you to protect this point for me. I will need to bring Beast back here. Liv, make sure my body stays safe."

I let go of the connection to Olivia, since I didn't want her to be a part of what I would do next. I locked onto Beast and, well, the closest that I can describe is to say I jumped.

'Honey, I'm HOME!!!'

I felt his surprise as he turned to look at me. There was still something off about his spirit in the moment before he turned to face me.

'This is impossible. There's no way that you could be here.'

'Think again, buttercup. Have you anything to say in your last moments of life?'

'You can't defeat me here!'

I shifted into my armor. Bringing my sword around in an arc I slashed through his arm. He screamed and clutched the stump for a moment. The arm quickly grew back into place.

'SEE! I am invincible in my own mind!' There was still pain behind his eyes as he said this.

'Ah, but I can cause you pain.' My sword flew toward him again, it's silver surfaces shimmering in the light. He dodged back at the last moment and I only slashed his jacket.

His form shimmered for a moment before he once again became the demon. It was diminished in size from before, as if some of the substance was gone. The talons struck out for me, but came to an abrupt halt when they encountered my breastplate. Our relative strengths had shifted. I grabbed the claw with my left hand and slashed through it with my right. The bellow of pain that emitted from the lungs of the creature almost knocked me from my feet.

It scrabbled away, but I gave chase. Around us a primordial forest grew faster than thought. I heard the screeches and calls of creatures out of sight. A giant lizard crashed through the trees. I vaguely remembered it as a Tyrannosaurus Rex from the one trip my school had taken to the museum.

It bellowed at me and made to eat me in a single bite. I was more than I seemed and expanded myself to it's size.

The sudden movement grabbed it's attention, and facing something bigger than itself gave it pause. My sword sheared off it's hide. I tried to get a better angle and it bit into my left arm. I felt the fangs as they tore the material asunder. I cried in pain. This wasn't going according to plan at all.

I punched the beast in the head until it let go and then grabbed my sword in both hands. Dropping to a knee, I thrust upward with the point into his head. The weapon was wrenched from my grasp as the behemoth collapsed. As I was trying to pull it free, the monster, forest, and my sword all disappeared. The Beast was only a few steps away for my huge form, so I made to kick him. He flew into the air to dodge my attack, and the ground disappeared out from under me.

I was tumbling through the air, concentrating trying to alter my shape. White feathered wings tore through my armor, ripping it from my body. I was left in gauntlets and a thin shift covering my top.

I flew after the Beast, trying to draw nearer to my quarry. He would be mine, and I would have my body back.

'You don't need to do this! We can share the multiverse, you and I. You're the only one who has seen what I've seen. The shear scope and splendor of it.'

'Thanks, Vader, but the dark side is not my path.'

'You'll regret turning me down!'

'Probably, but not today!'

A dragon attacked me from behind. We tumbled and lost some ground on the Beast. 'Two can play at this game.' A shadow passed over the dragon and I, and then it was plucked from the air by the Roc I'd imagined. I considered what I was doing. The normal physical laws didn't apply in this space.

I could continue chasing him. . .or I could simply appear next to him.

'Gotcha.'

I made a grab for him, but he evaded again. both of us were unlimited in our motions, making it difficult to get a hold. It was a case of the unstoppable force, and the movable object. No matter where I went, he was already gone.

'I need a more confined space. . .' I muttered to myself.

That gave me an idea. I formed a cage of thought around him. He looked at it as he fell thought the air. He tried to slip through the bars, but they held him. He changed to mist, and I instantly changed the cage to glass walls. He began to expand, and I reinforced his box. I felt the strain to contain him. It was as if he were trying to push himself out of me. I redoubled my efforts, and even collapsed the cage a bit.

I was focusing on keeping him in, and the next he was behind me and slashing at my unprotected back. I spun and intercepted his strike with my sword.

'This is getting us nowhere, Beast.'

'It is wearing you out. Eventually you'll have to leave, and I will have won.'

Leave. . .something about that.

An image played through my mind. I watched as he slashed through my ribbon again, and how it easily parted. He pulled his chain from the matter of the plane, and tied it into my body's ribbon. I had an idea, and it was time to put it into action.

'You know what? It is time for us to leave.' A smile played across my lips.

'Us? There is no us. Leave any time you want, though. You're welcome to admit defeat.'

In the next instant I was behind him and wrapping him in my arms. I folded my wings around the two of us. I let go of my one true world.

We were instantly in the plane again. I pulled my chain out of the matter of the world, and watched it become a ribbon again. I tied it into the ribbon for my body. It was time to end this forever. The Beast could not be allowed the potential to survive.

'Time for us to go home!'

I grabbed onto the ribbon, which was now a war of blue and yellow, and dragged us back to our body.

'What have you DONE!!!' The Beast was frantic as we slipped back into the body that welcomed us home.

The distance between us grew inexorably smaller and smaller. At the last moment, he charged toward me, and we merged.

I felt myself coming apart at the seams. I felt the time that he'd lived, and he felt my own short span. I had to focus on who I was. He took away my mother, as his mother looked the same. Olivia was next. One by one I was stripped of the people I knew, as most of them were similar to people he had known. We were being paired down to nothing. Like a drowning sailor I threw my arms around the last person I had. The newest one in my life. Bree. She was a being unique in the multiverse. Somehow she was the only version of Brian that was female. The odds against something happening that way at random are so slim, that I began immediately to wonder who had set this particular peculiarity up.

I began to rebuild my core identity around the pillar that was Bree. The Beast tried the same around himself. I quickly pulled in my memories of childhood. I connected soaring spans to Mary, and from there to Frank. I made halls for my mother and minarets for each of the Jamies I had met, bar one.

I made a deep, dank, dark, solitary dungeon for the Beast. I pushed him in, and then locked the door. Then I went skyward again. I made walls out of my memories of all the Brians that either I or the Beast had met. I created mortar out of my step-fathers. I molded and shaped. I added windows and loop holes. I added towers and keeps. I was making a high place. It was also a permanent place.

Once the castle itself was completed, and the mountain, upon whose knees it was built, established, I went after the town. Buildings and inns. Stables and roads. People, lots of people. Everyone who I'd met in my entire life. The good and the bad. The sick and the well. The living and even the dead.

It teemed with life. It teemed with my life.

And when it was all done, I walked up from the town, the populace following me. A procession for the crowning of their queen. My clothing and form changed as I walked. I no longer needed the wings, or the adult form. I was happy to be the 14 year old me.

However, I was in a gown of state. It was one fitted to me perfectly, and it was yellow like daisies in the sun. It was as yellow as a field full of daisies. As we walked, just such a field spread out from that mountain. Rolling hills and copses of trees as far as the eye could see. In the distance a river glinted in the sun. It was a river as wide as a sea, and as deep as thought.

The crowd became more jubilant as we reached the gates. My image of Bree met me there, and we went, hand in hand, to the top of the stairs to that deep well of sorrow I had crafted so well in my castle.

I walked down alone.

It is as it should be, walking down those thousand steps into the dark, yet never needing light the entire way. The Beasts presence grew stronger the deeper I went.

'We have come to the end, Beast. Have you made your castle large with the love of those around you? Have you crafted the walls of hurt with the mortar of adversity? Have you created a town big enough for everyone to live in peace? Have you populated it with those that affected your life? Have you added your field of dreams, and your river of sorrows?'

'Yes, you have Jamie. There is only one thing that remains for you to do.'

'I'm sorry it came to this. Your time is over.'

'And ours has begun.'

I stepped from the last tread and into the darkness. The Beast consumed me, and was consumed by me. We became us for a moment, then us became me.

I wasn't the same little girl that had gone into the woods to run away. I also wasn't the damaged soul that had been locked between worlds to save all of creation.

We tempered each other.

But I was still myself. I simply had a lot of bad experience to draw from now.

I took a deep breath. Happy to have use of my lungs again.

I sat up.

I looked around at those people whom I owed my very existence to.

I smiled

I said, "42".

Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Epilogue:
The End

I still have nightmares. I wake up in the middle of the night and for a second or two, before the shape of my sister Olivia forms in the darkness, I think I'm him. For a second, I think with his thoughts and it scares me.

I alternate Thursdays with Mary₁ and Mary₂. Mary₁ was the one who first suggested that I start writing this. It's taken me a while to get to the end, and during the course of this, I have come to better understand who I am as a person.

I also understand the Beast better. There is a part of me now that does wish that I'd given in to him at the end. Or that I'd let the both of us die when I tied our lives together.

I need to complete this final chapter, however, so I can move on.

When I finally got back to my world, I found my house boarded up, and police tape on the door. I didn't know what to make of it, so Mary₁ made a few calls.

The police had come to our house to arrest my step-father for abuse. He got his pistol and tried to shoot it out with them, with the expected result. What was unexpected was my mother took the gun from his hand and shot herself.

When I see the scar on my cheek in the mirror, it reminds me of where I came from. The Beast inside of me smiles at their end. I mourn their loss.

Bree was adopted by Mary₁ and Frank₁. She was the first child who came to them that wasn't one of their clients. I've never seen any of them happier than they are now. I only wish that Bree's parents hadn't looked at her like she was an abomination when we'd tried to take her home.

When Olivia and I arrived home from this mess, Helen₂ welcomed me home with open arms. She welcomed Olivia home as well. She's Helen Bonham to the rest of the world now, and Mom to me. We finalized the adoption, of both of us, since legally Olivia is a new person, after the divorce.

Yep, We're twins according to the adoption records. Olivia and Jamie Bonham. Our friends call us Orange and Juice a lot. That means I have two nicknames, but most people don't know about Traveler.

Yes, we visit Earth₄ once a week, since Olivia wants to spend time with Corin. They talk nightly on the headsets.

Everything is still about the same for them there, but there have been some unsettling rumors trickling into the Fortress. Yeah, they didn't like living in a sanitarium either.

As the hormones continue to pump into my system, I grow to look more and more like Olivia, and people are thankful for the scar on my face. I wish I could be as thankful for the scars on my soul.

We babysit for Clare occasionally. She has a headset now as well. Bree's been busy, and we're actually selling a new model to the worlds of the Communion. Yeah, that's what all the worlds cal their little group. I actually run a courier service as well, since I'm still the only confirmed Traveler. They've finally been able to exchanged signed copies of their treaty. Per the rules that got me citizenship in Earth₅, I actually now have citizenship in every member dimension of the Communion. Earth₁ is in negotiations with the Communion for member status. I can't get anyone in a position of authority to believe me on Earth₂, so the Communion have assigned protectorate status to them.

For some reason, the Communion has stated that Earth₄ is outside their jurisdiction. Apparently they know something about that world that their not sharing. Well, it's expected. I'm just the courier after all.

I convinced the Communion to pay me in precious metals and gems, since paper money from one world will have no value in another. They're trying to come up with a method of making a cross dimensional commodity based monetary system. I doubt it will really take off before Bree get's her gateway working.

I forgot to mention that Bree is trying to build a device that will connect two worlds like a gateway. She's not having any luck. She blacked out the city three times before she decided to disconnect from the power grid. I may eventually tell her some of the things I've figured out about crossing worlds, but I will let her work her way through it.

Her ability is immense, but not limitless. Sometimes a basic understanding of the problem is required.

I still don't know what world Beast came from, and he maintains that it was destroyed. Some things he's said don't add up, however, and I wonder if he is as puzzled by his inability to find it as I am.

School is better for me now. Everyone sees me as a girl, and Olivia and I have lots of friends. It took them a little while to get used to the idea of calling her Liv, but it all worked out. Olivia does her best not to order anyone about. I don't use my ability at school. Mostly we're trying to live normal, mundane, lives.

Brian₂ is in psychological counseling. Apparently there are large portions of the year before these events that he doesn't remember at all. The last thing he remembers clearly, in fact, is going on a date with Liv.

She's actually considering dating him again, and if it were anyone else, I'd be more worried. I'm more worried about what will happen to her if she remakes Brian in her own image.

I'm feeling more in control every day. The nightmares plague me less. Eventually I hope to get past this point and move on with the rest of my life. For now, I go to school, and I hang with my friends. Friends. . .something I never thought I would have, but am glad of the journey that brought me to them.