Going to Hell is like falling. You descend from high above, passing through black clouds of smoke and ash. The sky is illuminated by red and purple lightning. Below you, you see an immense black mountain, a dormant volcano. And in the caldera, built on solidified magma, is a city. A city like no other.

At the center of the city, it's highest point, there is a temple of polished brass and marble. Golden light spills out from it's doors, and you catch the briefest glimpse of something so beautiful it makes you ache inside.

And then it's gone. You land at the edge of the city, outside it's gates. The lava is covered in a fine layer of soot, and it's warm to the touch. You can see wisps of black smoke rising from the ground. You feel pain, but you do not die. And even the pain seems hollow, somehow, like some distant memory.

You slowly rise to find that you're naked, a bare soul without a body. Some try to run, others just cover their eyes and sob. Humans react to being Damned in different ways.

As for myself, I just looked around and wondered what would happen next. I had a vague, yet intense feeling that I had something important to do, somewhere more important I had to be. But I was dead, so it's not as if I had much of a choice.

Soon, our jailors made an appearance. I'd describe them, but no two were alike. Some were tall, some were not. Some were hideous, others were beautiful. They did have one thing in common, however. They all had whips.

Actually, I'm told the proper term for their weapon is a scourge. It has barbs along it's length, and it's intensely painful.

I and the other Damned souls were quickly herded into a line and brought to the wall. The Wall. How can I explain it? Imagine a wall so high that you can barely see the top of it. Imagine it's made of volcanic rock, crumbling mortar, and living people, who writhe and try to escape. I remember when they placed me in the wall.

They cleared out a hollow niche, shoved me into it, and sealed me inside. Only part of my face and one arm extended beyond the mortar. I existed in a state of relentless anguish. For what felt like a hundred years...

I later found out that it was only about ten minutes.

They pulled me out and put a leather harness on me, which they attached chains to. I was helpless to fight them, all of my will had been sapped by the Wall. One of my jailors sounded a blast on a horn, and I was hurtled upwards at great speed.

I reached the top of the wall, and was suspended from a gallows, where I awaited judgement. Time is funny in Hell, so I can't really tell you how long it was. It felt like an eternity to me, of course. It was probably fifteen, twenty minutes, tops.

Finally, I was brought before Rhadamanthus, the Judge of the Dead. He was an immense figure, seated on an obsidian throne. Before him, on a great dais, rested a pair of ivory scales. I was unceremoniously dropped onto the scales.

All I could see of the Judge were burning eyes and a cloak of utter blackness. On a low table near him were several stone statues, one for each Sin of mankind.

Just as an aside, it turns out there are a lot more than seven Sins. His hand hovered over the statues for a moment. Then he paused.

WHO ART THOU WHO HATH NO SIN? I CANNOT JUDGE THEE. His cloak then unfurled, revealing great shadowy wings, not unlike the demon from Fantasia. SHINING ONE, I GIVE UNTO THEE THAT WHICH I CANNOT JUDGE.

He reached for me with one great hand, and then he took to the air, and delivered me to the Temple. I don't remember very much of this, my next coherent memory was of the Temple stairs, and the doors opening to reveal a great light.

And then...

I awoke. I was clothed in white robes, laying on soft pillows. I sat up slowly, and found myself facing a marble throne. Upon the the throne sat a tall, beautiful being that reminded me of a Botticelli angel. The throne lacked a back, as three pairs of wings sprouted from the figure's back.

Golden light shone from (His? Her?) skin, which was as flawless alabaster. Eyes the color of gold stared at me with passing interest. Finally, the being spoke, and it was like many voices speaking at once.

“You interest me, little soul. I am told you are without sin, and yet, you are here, in my realm, Damned by God.”

“I don't know why I am here.” My voice sounded strange to me, rusty perhaps from disuse.

“Neither do I, and that, is also, quite a rarity.” The figure stood, their form seeming to flow and shift, becoming smaller, the wings vanishing. I found myself looking at a beautiful young woman, a gown-like raiment hanging loosely on her form, leaving one shoulder bare. I felt desire course through my body.

She was beautiful. She walked to me, and offered me a hand, helping me to stand. She was shorter than I was, despite being a fully mature woman. She smelled like honey and incense.

“If I offered to let you stay here, with me, would you?” Her lips were full and red, and she looked downwards slightly her lashes hanging low over her eyes. I swallowed hard. This isn't what I expected, and I...I really wanted to stay. With her. But...

I shook my head. “I'm sorry, I can't.”

I saw a flash of irritation in her eyes, but then her lips twitched. “Interesting. And why not?”

I frowned. Why?

...the man raised his weapon, aiming it in our direction. I couldn't let the girls be harmed. “Get down!” I told them, even as I raised my arms out, hoping to shield them with my own body...

I heard myself gasp. “Elisa...Celene...”

“Ah, of course, it would be a girl. Or in this case, two girls. My, aren't you the playboy?” She placed her hand on my chin, examining my face. “Although you are somewhat...average. Still, perhaps you have other qualities.”

“They...they're my friends. I've known them for so long...they're like sisters to me. I just...I wanted to save them.”

“Mhm. And did you?”

I felt an icy hand grip my heart. “I...I don't know.”

“Well, that's too bad.”

“Huh?”

She smiled at me, without warmth. “Too bad that you're in Hell.”

“Please, you have to send me back!”

She literally laughed in my face. “Oh no, really now? I should send you back? Out of, oh I don't know, the goodness of my heart? Do you know who I am?”

I looked at her. “A beautiful woman?”

She laughed again, but this time, she sounded amused. “No, I am no child of Eve, or Adam either. I'm not even a daughter of Lilith. I was brought into existence on the Fifth Day of Creation, along with the heavens, and all the creatures of the air. I have many names, some earned justly, others less so. Some name me the Morning Star, the Light Bearer. I rule here, as this is the only place given to me.”

She paused, no doubt for dramatic effect. “I'm the God Damned Devil.”

I blinked. “But you're a girl!”

She sighed. “Didn't you see me before I changed? I'm a Seraph, the greatest of the Elohim, second only to YHVH? I'm neither male nor female, but a perfect being. I took this form for your benefit.”

“Oh. Sorry. I mean, thanks.”

She tilted her head to one side. “You're...welcome? I don't think I've ever been thanked by a human before.”

I shrugged. “Honestly, you're pretty nice for being...Lucifer?”

“No, what I am is bored.” She sighed. “Let's sit down.” She dropped onto a pillow in a way that reminded me of my friend Celene. I couldn't help but smile as I joined her.

“I thought everyone was tortured in Hell, you know, forever?”

She snickered. “Oh that. Well, technically, that's true. Everyone spends time in the Wall, then Rhadamanthus carts them to whatever place in Hell they feel they belong in.”

I frowned. “They feel?”

“I'm going to let you in on a big secret...what is your name anyways?”

“Uh...Anson.”

“Hm. Not bad. I still think human communication is crude, but I've heard worse. So, yes, the big secret of Hell. Nobody here really torments you. Not much point to it. You humans torment yourselves better than I ever could, and I've given some thought to the subject.”

“What if we don't want to be tormented?”

“Well...if you really don't feel immense guilt or anything, I suppose you'd be happy here. Mind you, very few humans allow themselves to ever feel guilt free. You're all guilty about something. Even you, you feel guilty for not protecting your friends.”

I thought about that and I had to agree. “They're important to me. And not just them, my whole class.”

“Mm. But you're not weighted down by the sin of your misdeeds. Plus, it's pretty obvious that you shouldn't be here in the first place. That doesn't happen very often.”

“Why am I here then?”

She shrugged. “Who knows? Clerical error, I suppose.”

“Clerical error?!”

“YHVH isn't anything like you'd expect. Supposedly we're created in the image of YHVH but...even to my kind...especially to my kind...well let's just say no one understands YHVH. The universe was created for reasons no one really understands.”

I held up a hand. “Just a second, YHVH?”

“One of God's many names. You're not very religious, are you?”

“Uh..no..is that a sin?” Maybe that's why I was here?

She laughed again, but this time it was different. Her voice sounded higher and clearer, younger. I got the impression she was very amused. “Oh...Anson...I haven't laughed so much...in a very long time. Dear boy, no one cares if you believe, least of all YHVH. The universe exists anyways.”

It occurred to me that a lot of people on Earth would be put out to know that. “I...see.”

“I can see you're not going to fall all over yourself at my...womanly assets. Perhaps you like your women cuter?” Years fell off her frame and her breasts shrank dramatically, until she was about my age. I won't lie; she was very cute. Extremely so.

“I...ah. Wait. Why do you want me to stay so badly? I can leave, can't I?”

She frowned. “You don't understand what it's like for me. I am, perhaps, the most intelligent creature in existence. I can do things, understand things that your mind would break trying to comprehend. And for all of that, I have no purpose. It's all one great big joke, and no one gets the punchline. You interest me, even if only for the moment. And I'm so terribly bored!”

And lonely, I realized. Though it would no doubt insult her greatly to suggest that fact. Perhaps she was the loneliest person of all. “Luci, I'm sorry. You seem like someone I would like to know better. And maybe you're right. Maybe I could be happy here. But I can't just let go.”

“Luci...huh.” There was something unreadable in her eyes. “Even to be happy?”

“I don't think I could be happy unless I knew the people I care about are safe. I'm sorry. I really am.”

She shook her head. “So you are being tormented by this place after all. And by me.”

“Luci? Are you alright?”

“Why wouldn't I be? I don't have feeble human emotions!”

I tried to think of the right words. They didn't come to me. “You know what, I don't care if I make you mad, I have to say it. You're lonely. I can feel the sadness in you. Maybe you don't have feeble human emotions. Fine, you have superior angelic emotions. And maybe I couldn't ever comprehend how you feel, or do anything to make you happy. But I wish I could!”

She looked at me with something that could have been awe. Or shock. “You...you really do. You...want me to be happy. You feel sorry...for me?”

“I do.”

She stood and resumed her true form. The Seraph towered over me in all of it's majesty. “DO YOU REALIZE WHAT I AM? WHO I AM? WHAT I HAVE DONE? I HATE YOUR KIND WITH A PASSION YOU COULD NEVER, EVER UNDERSTAND! IF I COULD WIPE THE VERY MEMORY OF YOUR KIND'S EXISTENCE FROM CREATION, I WOULD! HOW CAN YOU PITY ME? CARE ABOUT ME?!” His voice was as thunder, and it shook the very foundations of Hell.

But I wasn't afraid. I don't know why. “I guess I do, Luci.”

Lucifer Morningstar seemed to deflate, once again become that cute girl, and sat down heavily, again reminding me of my friend. She even made a little 'huff' noise, the same way Celene does when she's exasperated...usually with me! “I don't get it.”

“I can't explain it, it's just how I am. If it's any consolation, you're not the only friend I drive up the wall.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “I'm not your friend.”

“Well, until you do something terrible to me, I'm going to consider you my friend.”

“You truly are a stupid, stupid human.”

“So I've been told.”

And then she giggled. Imagine that, the Devil...giggling. It seemed to unnerve even her, as she clamped her hands over her mouth.

I laughed. “I think you overdid it trying to be cute.”

“So do I.” She sighed. “Yes, you can leave. You don't belong here, so I'll just see if I can't get someone to collect you and take you off to Heaven. Yay.”

I blinked. “Why would I want to go there?”

“Huh?”

“I don't have friends in Heaven. Well, maybe my real parents, but I don't even remember them. If I can't go back to Earth...then I guess I'd rather stay here.”

Could you imagine it? Could you conceive of it? The mind of an angel breaking? I couldn't, yet in that mind, I swear that's exactly what happened. Perhaps it's because their minds are in tune with the order of the universe. They think with such crisp logic that, to them, humans are completely insane. Maybe we are. There's a lot of evidence to support the idea, at least.

She stared at me for a long moment. And then, she cracked a smile, but it was very different than the smiles I'd seen before. There was something wild in that smile. Madness touched her eyes. But angels can't properly go insane. I think that's part of the problem. God's plan is beyond anyone's understanding. Maybe you have to be crazy to get it. To get the joke.

It only lasted for a minute, and rationality took over again. But for that brief instant, she'd touched upon a Truth. And done something that, before now, only a human had ever done. She'd thought outside of the box. And she had been enlightened.

“Humans.” She said. “I think I get humans now. You're the most unreasonable, completely mad, backwards, stupid, moronic, unrepentant, ungrateful, miserable wretches I have ever known. It would take eons for me to explain to you how pathetic your kind is. And yet, every so often, one of you does something that completely justifies your existence.”

She paused. “I wish I could cry. All of this time, I have wanted but one thing. An answer. For my Creator to answer me. To tell me why. Why humans? Why not me? What did I do that was wrong? I would take any punishment, just to hear why. I was created, all of my kind were, to need the love of God. There are some of my kin, who do nothing but praise God...to worship and exult. Why?”

She began to shake and I did the only thing I could think to do, when faced by an upset girl...even though she wasn't really. I moved closer to her and put my arms around her. Despite herself, she curled into my embrace.

“And you, Anson. You are my answer. The only thing in all creation that ever reached out to me. That even tried to understand. I am truly broken now. How can I go on, how can I justify my hate?”

I placed my hand under her chin and raised her face, to look me in the eyes. “I don't know. But I've got you now, and I won't let go. Ever.”

“Cry for me, Anson.”

And I did. I let the tears fall, and she touched my face with her hands, feeling them. She was silent for a long time, and I held her.

Finally she spoke. “I can send you back.”

“What? You can? But...”

She put her fingertips on my lips. “Shut up, Anson. I know what you said, and I know you meant it. But eventually you would grow to hate me. I'm not capable of the kind of love you deserve. I'm just not. It's how I was made. And I know you'll never come here again. Even when you die. You just don't belong here.” She pushed my arms away with complete ease, as if my strength was that of an ant's to her own. Which was probably true.

She stood and sighed. “I was never punished. I can leave Hell whenever I want. I can go anywhere, right up to the gates of Heaven. But never home. I'm going to make you my agent, share with you a tiny, miniscule fraction of myself. And then, you will be able to return.”

I tried to say something, but she held up a hand. “No. Don't even try to thank me. Or to convince me not to. I couldn't bear to hear it. You may live to regret what I am about to do. You may curse my name until the End of Days. So why praise me now?”

She grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me up to her. Then she kissed me, and I felt something change within me. Like a key had been turned in a lock. I began to glow with light, and I felt my body rise, upwards and away from her.

I screamed at the top of my lungs. “I will come back for you! I will!”

I awoke. I was laying amidst the dead, in a deserted classroom. Teachers, students. People I knew. Seven had been killed. But not Elisa, not Celene. My clothing was bloodied, and I could see where the bullets had struck me. I probed the wounds, and to my horror, found they were still there!

And yet, I was no longer bleeding. My body felt cold to me. I was dead. And yet, alive, like some zombie or ghoul. I rose to my feet. It didn't matter if I was a monster. I had a chance to do what I needed to.

I glanced at the clock. I'd only been dead for an hour. A rage began to build inside of me. Anger that no human has ever felt. All of the rage and frustration of a Fallen Angel, burning in my breast. And now, it had a target...

Act Two: Avenger

I could see a guard had been posted outside. To guard the dead. I punched through the frosted glass of the door and grabbed him by the neck, pulling him towards me. With savage power, I broke his neck. He never had time to pull the trigger of his gun.

I took his weapon. I'd never used a gun before, but I knew enough to make sure the safety was off. Point and shoot. I felt a mad grin form on my face.

They were dressed in military fatigues, and well-armed. But they weren't Army, at least, not our Army. They'd quickly taken over the school with minimal casualties. We were to be their hostages. I guess they were some kind of terrorists, although they weren't Middle Eastern at all. I guess that's profiling, but you never expect the terrorists to be home grown.

Just ask Ted Kaczynski.

Miss Rachel told me to get the girls out, but they'd caught us. I tried to save them. I hoped that I had. And if not...

I would kill them. All of them.

I took off my shoes, I would need to be quiet for this. I crept down the hall, looking for my enemies. I heard footsteps. A sentry.

I ducked out of sight, hiding in an alcove next to the fire extinguisher. I pulled it off the wall. The instant the man came into sight, I hit him in the head with it. The fire extinguisher crumpled, and I heard a hiss as highly pressurized chemicals began to leak out of it. Pretty much the same thing had happened to the man.

I took his weapons and continued moving. They'd rounded up all the hostages in the gymnasium. There were only three entrances; the doors leading outside, the interior doors, and the door that opened up onto the stage.

Or so they thought. A tornado shelter had been built under the school; it was really a glorified crawlspace, with a 5' ceiling, but it ran under the school. One of the entrances was in the art room behind the stage.

Lucky that I was in art class during the last tornado drill, or I never would have known!

The lunch room was unguarded, although they had chained the doors leading outside, and piled up the tables to form a barricade. I opened the trapdoor in the kitchen and went down the short flight of steps, then made my way towards the art room.

I carefully opened the door and crawled up the steps that led up to the stage. Two guards on the stage, a guard up on the bleachers, and guards by each door. A tall woman, dressed the same as the others, was standing in the center of the gym, amidst the hostages. I guessed she was the leader.

And then I saw my friends. Celene had a crude bandage on her arm, and I saw blood. Both she and Elisa were being comforted by Miss Rachel, our homeroom teacher, who was sporting a black eye.

I was very angry. But if I made a mistake, innocent people would die. I looked around carefully. There, on the wall of the stage was a large electrical box. All the lights of the stage and the gymnasium were routed through it, I could see the emergency breaker switch.

The second man I had killed was carrying a grenade. I pulled the pin and threw it at the switch, ducking down. One of the guards yelled out in surprise. Then a loud explosion.

The lights went out, and I heard a lot of yelling.

To my amazement, I could still see perfectly fine. That mad smile came back, and I stood up. One of the guards was laying there, stunned. Concussion grenade, I suppose. I broke his neck. Some part of me regretted doing it, but at the moment, I was filled with righteous anger.

I jumped off the stage, and saw the other guard laying there. A savage kick to the head, and he went down.

“Whoever you are, I will kill these hostages if you do not stop at once!” The woman's voice.

I tried to make my voice low and dangerous. “And you die too. Walk away, and you'll live.”

I could see her face pale. She feared death. “I am not afraid to die for the cause!”

What would Batman do? Oh yeah. He'd laugh. So I did, and it sounded pretty damn good, actually!

She fired a shot in my direction. It actually hit me in the shoulder, but I wasn't even fazed by it. I rushed her, jumping over some guy in my PE class (Travis I think). My punch caught her in the midsection, and she doubled over in pain.

I put my gun to her head. “Tell them to stand down! Or I'll blow your brains out!”

She struggled, kicking and biting whatever she could. I felt no pain, and I was too strong for her. “They won't stop for me, you, or anyone!”

“Is that right? You don't care if I kill her?”

I heard a voice from the bleachers. “Marion! Don't shoot her!”

“Jacob, you idiot! I'm not important!” She screeched hysterically.

“You are to me. Alright, whoever you are. What do you want?”

I began walking towards the doors, manhandling 'Marion' the whole way. “Simple. You all leave, now, and never let me find you. Ever. Or I'll kill you all with my bare hands.”

Another voice. “Fuck this, he's not the cops!”

“No, I'm much worse. They have rules.”

Jacob spoke again. “Alright, we'll leave. Just let her go.”

I tossed her at the door, and she hit it hard, crumpling to the ground in a heap. She wasn't dead, but I'd heard something break. “Take her. And leave. Now!!!”

They left. I then strode towards the doors that led outside, and broke the chains. “I'm going to open this door. Everyone out, now!”

I kicked open the door, and moved to the side. I couldn't let anyone see me, not like this! I just hoped if there was a sniper outside, he wouldn't get trigger happy.

The afternoon sun dimly lit the room, and I heard the sounds of shoes squeaking on the gym floor as everyone started to run. I heard Miss Rachel's voice, asking for people to stay calm, but...lost cause.

Me? I slipped out a side door in the confusion, and headed for the woods that bordered the school grounds. I didn't stop until I reached the creek. I sat down heavily on a rock. What was I going to do now?

Night fell and I didn't have an answer. Would I just keel over dead eventually? My wounds didn't seem likely to heal. Maybe if I killed myself...no, I couldn't do that. I'd have to find a way to keep my friends safe. Somehow.

I couldn't go home, of course. My foster parents weren't bad people, and I wish I could tell them I wasn't dead. Except, well, I was. I was now truly alone. That's when I heard a twig snap behind me. I rose, turning.

Standing just a few yards away was Miss Rachel. She looked angry, something I'd never seen before. Also, she was carrying a sword. The blade gleamed in the moonlight, and the hilt and crossguard were plated in what reminded me of brass.

“I don't know who you are, but you picked the wrong body to take, Fallen.” She spat the words out.

“Wait, what? I don't...”

She didn't so much run towards me as she glided, and I barely escaped being cut in half by diving to one side. She was fast, and really good! What the hell was going on?

“Hey, hold on, I can explain!”

Her eyes narrowed and she said something in a language I almost, but didn't quite understand. The sword's blade burst into flames, and I knew I was well and truly boned. She charged me again, swinging the blade in a wide arc. I jumped back, but the very tip of the blade struck me, ripping open my shirt and searing a line into my chest.

“Arghh-” It hurt so badly. I was going to die, again. But if she was the enemy, then Celene...Elisa...

“It's time for you to go back to Hell!” She spun in a half-circle as she swung the blade.

The rage came back. My muscles seemed to burn with inner heat, and I caught the sword with my hands. It hurt like you wouldn't believe, but I no longer cared. “I'll kill you!”

She was surprised only for a moment, then she held out one hand, palm facing me, and spoke in that strange language. A bolt of flame shot out of her hand, and struck me in the chest. I looked down to see a smoking hole where my heart should be. I thrust aside her sword and punched her in the jaw, sending her flying backwards.

Like a cat, however, she landed on her feet in a crouch, and then sprang at me again. I tried to block her blade, but it cut through my forearm, nearly severing it. I fell to one knee, the anger faltering inside me. At least...I'd get to see Luci again...

She swung the blade like a scythe and it cut through my neck and everything...went...black...

Act Three: Revelations

I walked into class only to find Elisa already there. She made it a point to be on time for everything; you could set your watch by her. She smiled at me. “Good morning Anson!”

I yawned as I waved back. “It's morning.”

She giggled. We went through this routine every day it seemed like. Elisa really doesn't look like she belongs in a public school. She has long blonde hair done in an elaborate French braid, dark blue eyes, and fair skin with a flawless complexion. She was wearing a tunic-style dark blue dress and jeans today. I'd known her for years, but lately, I'd been noticing her appearance more and more.

I sat down quickly and tried not to think about how pretty she looked. I mean, we were good friends, and...I don't know. It just didn't feel right to me.

“Don't you like the dress?” She leaned close to me, and I noticed that she smelled really nice. Like lilacs. Oh man.

“Uh, yeah, it looks great on you.”

“And it was only 158 dollars at Nordstrom's!” She smiled. I balked at the idea of spending that kind of money on a dress, but no doubt, to her, that was a bargain. Elisa's parents were rich. I mean, really rich. Her Dad came from old money, and was a lawyer, while her Mom was a highly-paid financial consultant. But her Mother hadn't come from money, and they'd decided to try and give Elisa a relatively normal life.

House in the suburbs (forget that it was twice as big as my house and much nicer), public schooling instead of some private academy, and they did their best not to spoil her. I'm not sure how well they succeeded, but Elisa was nice to almost everybody. I'd only seen someone get on her bad side a few times, and trust me, that's not someplace I'd want to be. Ever.

The other students started filing in, and Celene trudged in last. Celene was like Elisa's total opposite. Where Elisa was only a couple inches shorter than my 5' 9”, Celene had always been small for her age. I wasn't sure exactly how tall she was; as usual, she wore these black boots with very thick soles.

Celene's skin had this olive complexion, and she kept her raven hair cut short, but with long bangs that always fell over her eyes. Today she'd dyed her bangs a dark red color. She was wearing a black tee-shirt that had a picture of Bela Lugosi as Dracula on it, and the phrase 'Real Vampires Don't Sparkle' on the back. Black skirt that was way too short for the school dress code over a black leotard.

She dropped into her seat with an audible 'huff', letting her backpack hit the floor. I swear, I don't know what all she has stuffed in there, but it's a lot. Given how tiny she is, it surprises me that she can even carry it at all, it has to weigh a ton. She looks in my direction, her expression unreadable as always.

“Hey.” Celene isn't much for greetings.

“Good morning, Celene.” Elisa beamed at her.

“whatever.”

I just waved, I knew better than to try and talk to Celene early in the morning. I think she almost smiled at me. But it could have been a trick of the light.

I looked up at the clock on the wall. Another person you could almost set your watch to was Miss Rachel, our homeroom teacher. As in, she was always running a minute late. Sure enough, she came in looking more than a little flustered. She moved to the desk and dropped her books and folders on it. “Ah, um, Good Morning Class!”

We all greeted her. I'll be honest, I found Miss Rachel (her first name is Karen) to be very attractive. She almost looked too young to be a teacher, as if she'd just graduated from High School herself. I knew, however, that she was actually 25. She was really tall, close to 6', with a slender, athletic build. Even though her skirt was an acceptable length, it never failed to show off her long legs, and even the baggiest clothing never seemed able to hide her figure. I swear, I thought she could have been a model. She had short, reddish-blonde hair, delicate features, and a healthy tan year-round.

As near as anyone could tell, she had no tan lines either, which fueled more than one adolescent fantasy, let me tell you. Rumor had it even some of the girls were attracted to her, which just made her seem even hotter. She looked my way and smiled. I can't quite describe her eye color. If you forced me to tell you what color her eyes were, the only thing I could come up with is 'pretty', which isn't a color at all. It's like they constantly shifted, so just when you thought you could guess at the hue, it changed. Plus she wore these cute little glasses that never quite managed to stay on right, they were always sliding down the bridge of her nose.

And if she got close to you...oh man. She smelled so nice, like, well, I don't know what. I guess you could say she smelled 'attractive'. Pheromones or something.

I got the strange feeling I was being glared at, but looking around, everyone was facing front. Weird.

I think that was the last happy memory I have before I died. Class had barely begun when the door was busted down, and a figure in fatigues with a TEC-9 shattered my happy school life.

Now I was dead again.

Except, for some reason, it was different this time. I awoke, if that's the right term, some time later. There was no sign of any remains, or of Miss Rachel. I still couldn't believe she had killed me! I'd never seen that kind of anger from her; even when the terrorists came to our school, she had shown nothing but concern for others.

So what had led her to me?

I couldn't see myself very well; it was as if I was made out of some kind of faint light. I could move, but nothing was solid to me. Why I didn't just fall through the ground, I couldn't tell you. I had no idea what to do; was I doomed to haunt the Earth forever?

Well, if I was a ghost now, I suppose I'd just have to haunt Miss Rachel. I found all I had to do was think about her, and I knew where to go. In fact, I didn't even need to travel across the distance, I simply thought about going there, and I was outside her house.

She lived in a small townhouse apartment; I'd never actually been here, but I recognized her pink Dodge Caliber anywhere. It's a sporty compact, with an engine that can produce 285 horsepower; I'd never ridden with her, but I knew she drove fast.

I sort of floated along, up her steps, but when I came into contact with the door, I was hurled backwards, with a great flash of light. I could see glowing symbols floating in the air in front of the door; they looked familiar, but I couldn't quite understand them.

My mind made a connection. This was the written form of the language Miss Rachel had spoken before! Don't ask me how I knew this, but it was definitely true. Not that it helped me in the slighest; how the heck was I going to get inside? As a ghost, I was a total failure.

Then again, if the door was solid to me, perhaps I could open it? I reached for the door knob. Argh! It hurt so bad! I took my hand off the knob as if it were red hot. In fact, I could see a wisp of smoke rising off my hand. And I'm a ghost!

No. I wasn't going to let a door beat me. I'd gone to Hell, I'd come back. I put my hand on the door again. The pain was relentless, but I forced myself to endure it. I was going to open this door! Open!

The handle turned and the pain was gone. What the heck had just happened? It was almost as if...I had willed the door to open! Well, that was a question for another time. I slipped into the apartment, quiet as, well, as a ghost. I heard noise, and I headed towards it. I could see a light under a door, and steam in the air.

She was in the shower! You have no idea how much I'd fantasized about seeing my teacher naked; now I finally could, and I was dead. I was starting to realize that life is full of these little ironies. Well, the hell with it, no reason not to peek now!

I moved through the door. Her shower had a frosted glass door, and I could see her nude form through it; by concentrating, even the distortion faded. Like Patrick Stewart, I could see everything. And it was good! Her skin was a smooth as a teenaged girl's, and her figure looked, I don't know, sculpted, like someone had gotten this ideal woman in their head and simply created her, fully grown.

Like the story about Athena being born from the mind of Zeus, I suppose. Every square inch of her body was tanned, as if that was somehow her natural skin tone. And, I noted with interest, her skin was smooth and hairless, even between her legs, as if she had never grown hair there at all.

Yes, she was still very hot, and if I'd been alive, I'd have been seriously hard at that moment. But being dead gave me a certain clarity, I suppose. This was no human woman. No woman gave birth to her, she was simply too perfect!

She was washing her hair, oblivious to my presence, and singing a bouncy J-pop tune. I only recognized it as such because I watch the occasional anime. I never would have taken Miss Rachel as an otaku!

She rinsed the soap out of her hair, and turned off the shower. Sliding the glass door open, she stepped out, and then looked right at me. Her eyes got big and wide, and she didn't even think to cover herself.

Then she quickly moved towards me and pulled me into a fierce hug. “Anson! It's you! I thought I'd lost you forever!”

Being pressed up against her nude, warm body...it's the kind of experience that you'd think would change your life. Actually though, it was kind of awkward, even with the excellent view of her perfect breasts. Of course, I was actually kind of stunned that I could feel her. What was going on?

“When I found that demon in your body, oh I thought the worse, but here you are!” She pushed me slightly apart from her, smiling at me with a look of...love. And not the lustful kind either. My Mom, well, my foster Mom, she occasionally looked at me the same way.

I stepped back, out of her grip. “What the hell are you talking about?! You killed me!”

She blinked at me. “Wh...what?”

“You know, with that flaming sword...how did you get it to do that anyways? And who the hell are you? You're not even human!”

She bit her lower lip. “Oh...no...you mean I....that wasn't a demon possessing your body? But...”

The look of pain in her eyes made me think of Lucifer. She slid to the floor, as if her legs could no longer support her weight. And she cried out in anguish. Again, in that language I didn't quite understand.

But I really didn't need to. It was the cry of a person who has just realized they'd hurt the person they cared about most in the world. I wanted to comfort her, but I had to know. “Just...just who am I to you?”

She looked up at me. “You...are my son.”

My world tilted sideways.

I was too shocked to react. Her...son? I put my hands over my eyes. “Put something on!”

She managed a tiny laugh. “Just a second ago you were enjoying the view.”

“A second ago I thought you were just my fine ass teacher! Now you say you're my mother?!”

“Oh...this is going to be a hard conversation. Um, could you move aside, then? I don't wear much in the house.”

“Argh?!” The mental vision I had of her walking around the house in the nude was very strong. And very unwanted. Don't ask why I accepted her story. I just...knew it was true.

She giggled. “You poor thing. Hold on then.” She spoke a Word. Yes, I capitalized it. Trust me, if you hear someone say a Word, you know it's a Word. “Ok, how about now?”

I opened my eyes to find that she was now wearing the kind of uniform you'd see a schoolgirl in an anime wear. She looked...”my eyes! My eyes!”

She laughed. “Anson, it's only a body, it's alright if you like what you see! It's only natural!”

“Natural?! Mom, nothing in my life is natural! Not anymore!”

“Ah...dear, I'm not your Mother.”

Ok, sexy schoolgirl or not...”What?! But you said I was your son?”

“Let's go into the living room, you may want to sit down for this.”

She sat me down on the couch. Now that I was taking a better look at her place, I could see that, while she wasn't a slob, Mom...or whoever she was, liked a little bit of clutter. There were clothes strewn about, a stack of various video games and DVD's on the floor, and her idea of interior decorating greatly resembled a teenaged boy's.

She had posters of movies and anime all over the place. I mean, what girl has a Boondock Saints poster? And the anime posters were all of girls, I noticed.

I wasn't sure why I was sitting, I mean, I was a ghost, for crying out loud!

“Anson, first of all, please forgive me for destroying your corporeal form. I...I would rather be unmade than to ever hurt you. It's just, when you came back..the girls said you'd been killed! And the things you did...”

“You saw me?!”

She nodded. “Of course. Nothing is ever dark to my kind. Anyways, I was certain some Fallen or demon had taken your body.”

“Uh, what's the difference? I thought all demons were fallen angels?”

She corrected me. “That's Fallen.” Oddly, there was a difference the way she said it. “And no, not quite. The Fallen were created directly by the will of YHVH. They were banished to Hell. Demons are, well, over time, Hell breaks down mortal souls, as the Damned suffer endlessly. Think of it like a stone being ground down. The little bits and pieces of the souls mix with the substance of Hell, and demons are the result. They remember little of their mortal lives, of course. The strongest of demons are either simply very old, or are born from what's left of the original soul, should it's torment end.”

“Huh. But that's up to them, I mean, sure the demons bully you around, but you're really torturing yourself.”

“How..how do you know that?”

“Because when they killed me, that's where I went.”

She looked at me, pain in her eyes. “Oh my Anson...my child...why? You're not evil!”

“Clerical error, I guess. Or maybe it's because I wanted to punish myself, for not saving Elisa and Celene...”

She snorted, despite herself. “Clerical error, now that I could believe. But no, I can see why. You can't go to Paradise, at least, not in the usual manner. Because you're not human. I was hoping, I mean, you were so normal, growing up.”

“So what am I?”

“You're a Nephilim. A creature that God never intended to exist. Half human, half Angel.”

“So wait, I can go to Hell, but not Heaven?”

She nodded. “Actually you probably shouldn't have gone to Hell either, but maybe it's because your powers had yet to awaken. See, you're not really dead, even now. It seems you've gotten more from me than I ever thought possible. The form you're in now, that's your true self. Like an angel, any body you have is simply a temporary affair. Normally we exist as light, pure energy. We transubstantiate our forms to create physical bodies.”

“So...that's why you look so perfect. You literally created that body from scratch.”

She nodded. “I based the appearance on your Mother, so I could remember her.”

Wait. What? “Huh?! My Mother?”

She looked at me sheepishly. “Technically, I'm your Father.”

If my world was sideways before, now it was upside down. “Father?!”

She spread her arms wide. “Angels don't really have a set gender...”

“Yeah, yeah, I know! Elohim, perfect being, neither male nor female, I've heard it before. But....Father?!”

Her eyes narrowed. “Where did you hear that, exactly?”

“Oh, from Lucifer.”

She sputtered. “You talked to Lucifer?!”

“Yeah, she was the one who sent me back.”

“But...why..I don't...wait. She?”

“Uh, yeah, she took on a female form.”

“Oh no, my son has been seduced by the Morning Star!” She wailed.

“It wasn't like that! I mean, yeah, she tried that at first, all sexy and mega-hot. But I dunno, it just didn't feel right. So then she turned into this really cute girl...”

She tilted her head at a funny angle, and looked at me. Really looked at me. “Ah! Why didn't I notice it before!? You have his mark! But...that's impossible. Lucifer hates humans, he would never...”

“It's a long story.”

“Then you better tell me everything, from the beginning.”

“Uh..sure, but um...two questions.”

She nodded. “Alright.”

“One, what do I call you?”

“Oh. I am Raziel, Seraph of Knowledge, Keeper of Secrets.”

I considered that. “I get it. Miss Rachel, Raziel...and Karen?”

“Karen was your Mother.” She looked away.

“Karen....I never knew her name.”

“I...I am sorry. I just...I was so mad with grief when she died. My kind was never intended to feel those emotions. By the time I came to my senses, you had been adopted, so I took to watching over you, from the shadows. I regret what I did, you needed a parent. I thought, maybe, I could start to make it up to you by becoming your teacher.”

I snorted. “Yeah right, instead I got a crush on you.”

“That was rather cute. I was trying to figure out whether or not I should encourage you.”

I sputtered. “No! Bad angel! Bad!”

She giggled again. “Sorry! I just...I don't have the weird hangups humans do.”

“Next question! Um, when can I stop being a ghost?”

“Oh, well yes, you'll just have to transubstantiate yourself. It's simple. Just concentrate, imagine you are made up of tiny particles of light. Now, will those particles to gather, forming a central mass. Becoming solid. Get the image of the form you wish to take, and it will happen!”

I tried this. I sort of intuitively understood what she was saying. Be solid. Be alive!

“Ah, no no no!”

I opened my eyes and discovered my body was made of fire, and I was burning through her couch. “Ahh!!!”

I don't know where she got the fire extinguisher, but she put me out, and I was a ghost..or whatever, again.

“Ok. Hm. I guess that's too complicated for you just yet. Alright, plan B.”

“What's Plan B?”

“Oh, Possession. It's easy and takes very little energy, provided you have a recently dead or soulless body to work with. Even demons can do it, so it should be no problem for you. Hm. Better not go with a dead body though, you always have to replace those eventually, and I don't want a rotting corpse in my house.”

“Well where the heck are we going to get a soulless body?”

She smiled. “I usually try coma patients. Human science can keep a body alive, but when the soul leaves, it's gone. Well unless you use Necromancy, but we're going to keep this simple. Just stay here, I'll go find a suitable body, and I'll call you.”

She turned into light and I heard the flutter of great wings, beating against the air. And she was gone.

I couldn't actually touch anything, of course. I wish I'd asked her to turn the TV on or something. I looked around the place. I soon discovered a few unsettling facts about my parent, like the fact that, even with a female body, she wore boxers, not panties.

I also found an entire room done up as a sort of shrine, with pictures of a pretty girl that had to be my Mom, plus pictures of me. Normally I'd find this creepy, but instead I was touched by Raziel's devotion. Her human form did kind of resemble Mom, but she had been human, with all the flaws humans have.

But that perfect form was how Raziel remembered her. He, she, whatever...Raziel had deeply loved Mom. I just wish I had known her. The revelation that my father was an angel didn't surprise me. I just wish he didn't seem so comfortable in that female body! It was going to be hard to get used to the fact my Dad was a girl, that's for sure.

“Ok, got it, come along now!” I heard Raziel's voice, and I felt pulled to her.

I was floating in the air in a hospital room. I could barely see the bed below me, but my attention was taken up by Raziel's true form. It still basically resembled her human form, but she was made of glowing light, with six great wings. I could see the resemblance to Lucifer, although Raziel was smaller, and somehow, less, than the Morning Star.

Lower in rank, but 'Seraph of Knowledge' sounds kind of important nonetheless. I guess Raziel was like, God's librarian or something. Except...why would God need a library?

“Ok, now, this is a lot easier. Just gather your particles into a solid mass, then slowly descend. You'll feel the void where the soul should be. Just let it draw you in, you should make the connection automatically.”

I did as she said, and yes, I did feel it. A vacuum where no vacuum should be. Human bodies are meant to die when the soul leaves, that's why your cells receive the command to die, because you no longer have any use for a living body. Trust humans to screw this up, keeping a body alive that no longer serves a purpose.

But, in this case, it was pretty useful. I opened my eyes and found that I was gasping for breath. I felt so weak! I couldn't breathe, couldn't talk, I just stared up at the ceiling, my borrowed body convulsing.

But then Raziel was there, and she held me. “Shh, little one. It's alright, my child.”

Warmth suffused my being, and I felt carried aloft, as Raziel flew us away from the hospital.

I awoke later, in a large, soft bed. I felt a lot better, although I was thirsty...and hungry. It took an effort to sit up; this body hadn't exercised in some time, so the muscles were weak.

“Easy, don't push yourself too hard, Anson.” Raziel offered me a glass of water, and I grasped it with my hands and drank slowly. “Being what you are, you grant your form great strength and resilience, but it's only mortal flesh, you can harm yourself without meaning to.”

I noticed something then. The glass seemed quite large. No, that wasn't it. My hands were tiny, and delicate, attached to frail-looking arms. I pushed aside the covers and looked at my body.

I didn't have the words. I simply looked at Raziel in shock.

“What, not to your liking? I thought a young body would be easier to nurse back to health.”

“Young?! I'm a little kid!” My voice was higher in pitch than I was expecting. Oh no. “And...and...I'm a girl?!”

“Not as young as you look, granted, the body is small for it's age, but a good diet will fix that...”

“GIRL! I'm a girl!”

“Oh. Well....yes. Is that a problem?”

I fell back onto the pillow, already feeling exhausted. “...but I'm a guy!”

“Ah...I'm sorry Anson. I didn't consider that at all. You must hate me.”

Aw man. Raziel looked absolutely pathetic. “I don't hate you. I don't think you're a very good parent, but...I guess that's not your fault.” I sighed. “Do you want a hug?”

She brightened and nodded, so I held out my arms. She pulled me into her embrace, and I have to admit, maybe it's because I was a girl at the moment, but I didn't feel as weirded out as I usually do when a girl hugs me. In her own warped way, Raziel loved me. And I found I could accept that.

“I'm sorry Anson. Should I get you a new one?”

I sighed. “No, it's fine. I mean, it's only temporary, right? You can teach me to trans...substant...”

“Transubstantiate. Oh yes. I can teach you so much, my Anson. So much. You have no idea how I've longed for this moment.”

In the back of my mind I suspected Raziel might have had an ulterior motive, or at least, a subconscious one, for selecting a young girl's body for me. But you know, it's fine for now. I had a family, a real one. And that made everything ok.

“Raziel...what about my foster folks...and my friends?”

“You mean the girls, of course. Yes, I doubt they'd want to go out with you like this.”

I laughed. My voice still sounded so weird to me. “Go out with me? Stop joking around, they're like my sisters!”

“Oh Anson, you're such an idiot at times, I don't know how you can be my son. They've loved you from the moment they met you. And you've been too blind to see it.”

Erk. Wait. Love? I considered that. It was like a lightbulb going on in my head. “Oh...shit.”

Raziel ruffled my hair gently. “Shh, it's ok. I've already turned my back on my Creator for you, I'll find a way to make everything better if I have to shake the foundations of Heaven. I promise.”

I got a sense then, of exactly how much I meant to Raziel. I simply hugged her, unable to put my feelings into words. I yawned then, my new body already worn out. She tucked me in, and she sang to me softly, stroking my hair gently. Had my real mother done just this, when I was a tiny baby?

I fell asleep almost instantly, and I've never felt so loved.

Lucifer sat on her throne. She looked positively ridiculous; the throne had been scaled for her true form, after all. But somehow, she couldn't bring herself to change back. Not since Anson...

She was even thinking about herself in feminine pronouns. This was undoubtedly a bad sign; that body had changed her somehow. She had been perfect before, the ideal being, greatest of her Creator's greatest creations. Or so she had always thought. That boy...had humbled her. She, the proudest thing in all Creation.

But just thinking about Anson, rather than fill her with wrath, made her feel...content. The dull ache that had filled her for so long, the void where her love for her Creator was meant to be...was gone. Which made absolutely no sense.

The other Fallen whispered amongst themselves. She was aware of it, that her leadership, which had endured for millenia, was being challenged more than ever before. Oh to be certain, those under her had always been ambitious, seeking to ascend to the throne of Hell. But rarely were they ever so blatant. Even the greater Demons and Devils were starting to consolidate their power!

But she didn't care. To be honest, they could have Hell. She'd much rather go to him. To Anson.

The intrusion was unheralded, and rather surprising. Even Heaven's envoys, when they came to Hell, were never so brazen as to simply appear in her temple! But there, before her, was Raziel, whom she hadn't seen in some time.

But something had changed about Raziel. Her true form had been corrupted somehow. It took a moment to realize what had changed; angels have no true gender. No matter what physical forms they choose, their true form always reflects this.

But Raziel's form was decidedly feminine.

“Raziel, what has happened to you?”

“Never mind that! How DARE you!” Raziel's eyes blazed with fury. “How dare you put your mark on that boy!”

Anson. It had to be. Oh sure, from time to time, Lucifer had infused various evil humans with her power, to further some plot or another. But Anson...had been special. Was special. But why was Raziel so angry? “What is the boy to you?”

“Argh! Take off that disguise, don't think that I'm going to be swayed by...by...cuteness!”

Lucifer frowned. She really ought to take her true form and smite Raziel into submission. Though a Seraph as well, Raziel was her lesser by far, and not much of a warrior. But then again, Raziel was the Seraph of Knowledge. In the past, she'd been loath to admit that Raziel could know anything she did not, after all, was she not perfect?

But it occurred to her that Raziel might have been created with a few secrets. It would be just like YHVH to do something like that. Still...

“No.”

“Eh?” Raziel blinked. A very human gesture.

“I don't want to.”

Raziel tilted her head at an odd angle. “Uh...Lucifer? Are you alright?”

The petite girl sighed. “No. I'm not alright. Maybe I've never been alright. Do you think it's possible that YHVH...made me wrong, somehow?”

Raziel just gaped at the First. “That's...now see here! In all the time I've known you, which is a very long time, no matter who you ask..I mean, even the Bible, as flawed as it is, says it's at least six thousand years...what in the Hell is wrong with you?”

Lucifer slid off her throne. “I don't know! Ever since that boy came here, I...I've changed!”

Raziel blinked. “Oh.”

“Oh?! What do you mean?”

“Uh...I don't want to make you angry...I mean, you've always had this temper...”

“RAZIEL!!!” It was really unsettling, to see all that frustration pouring out of a cute young teenager's form.

“Right, sorry. Um, well, you know, there is one thing that can change us. I mean, look at me, I'm sure you've noticed.”

“I have. But what caused it?”

Raziel sighed. “Love.”

Lucifer's right eye twitched dangerously. “Love?!”

Raziel just nodded. “I...I too have turned my back on Heaven.”

“You fell in love with...a human? That's disgusting!”

“You insult her again, and I don't care who you are or how powerful you are, I'll make you regret it.”

Lucifer paused. This wasn't the Raziel she'd known before. “Noted. So your love made you female? Wait...did you say 'her'?” Lucifer chuckled. “You sly old fox...”

“Oh shut up! Anyways, take your mark off of Anson.”

“...no.”

“Lucifer Morningstar, do not fuck with me. You have no claim to him.”

“I can't.”

“Eh?”
She glared up at Raziel (who was decidedly taller than her current form). “I said I can't! Even if I wanted to, I just...can't...” She trailed off.

Angels have no need for curses or swear words, so there really aren't many in Enochian, the language of the Elohim. However, in Hell, such things are more necessary, so demons have, over the ages, added quite a bit to their own dialect of Enochian.

Raziel began spouting Hellish profanities. She'd never really used such language before. For some reason, however, it wasn't incendiary enough. So she switched to Arabic. Normally, Arabic was a good language to curse in, but it wasn't doing the job either.

She tried a few different languages, before settling on Russian. Now there was a people that knew how to cuss someone out!

Lucifer simply weathered the storm. Part of her was amused, but she knew what Raziel was going to say next. And, as much as it tore at her very being, she couldn't deny it, either. Somewhere, her Creator must be laughing at her.

“...I don't believe it. You're in love with him.”

And there it was. That pathetic human had somehow touched her very being, and changed it. She loved Anson. She! The implications were....well, let's just say she was as unhinged as an angel could be about it. Maybe she couldn't deny it, but there was no way she was going to say so! So she resorted to glowering at Raziel. Lucifer was the master of glowering at someone, and her current form, cute and petite though it may be, was actually quite effective for the task.

Trust me, if you've never had a young girl glower at you, it's a scary thing. Even to an angel.

Raziel flinched. “Right. But you...look, you can't have him.”

“As if you could stop me.”

Raziel considered that. Standing against Lucifer? Sure it was possible, but not easy. There was only one being in all Creation who'd done so with any degree of success prior. And Michael was, well, a special case.

“Maybe I couldn't stop you, but I'd rather be unmade than let you hurt him.”

Lucifer frowned. “Again, I ask, what is he to you?”

“He is my Son.” Raziel seemed proud of this fact.

“...you? You?! Begat a Nephilim?”

“Yes. The Metatron came to me, and forbid it. Laying with a Daughter of Eve, I was told, could be forgiven. But if I Sired a forbidden child, then I would forever be Damned.”

“...wait. You were offered forgiveness?”

Raziel nodded. “I know. It gave me pause. But I loved Karen so much...I couldn't deny her.”

“Incredible. You, of all beings, defied your Creator...for a mortal woman's love.”

“I'd tell you to go to Hell, but...”

Lucifer managed a small smile. “Yes. Well, I suppose I don't have much room to talk.” She sighed. “Still, he seemed totally human to me. Imperfect. Pathetic.”

“And yet...”

“And yet, for the first time, I saw in him humanity's true potential. Just a glimmer, of course. YHVH would never let any of us see his full plan. Ever.”

“You're still bitter about that.”

“Yes! Yes I am!”

“I can't blame you. Consider this. I was made the Keeper of Wisdom and Secrets. And I don't even know.”

“Heh. Poor Raziel.”

“Shut up, Lucifer. Anyways, when you gave him your power, I guess it awakened his true nature. I was actually hoping he'd be mortal after all. Things are so complicated for him now.”

“I'm not going to take my mark off of him. However...I acknowledge that your claim is higher than my own.”

“Lucifer...what has he done to you?”

She shook her head. “He broke me. Michael beat me, but even he couldn't break me.”

“I...I'm sorry.”

She waved her 'brother' (or should she consider Raziel a sister, now?) off. “The flaw was in me all along, you didn't put it there. YHVH did. It's all one great joke. Why I was never punished. Because one day, a forbidden child would come to me, and defeat me with a mere touch.”

“It does sound like something our Maker would do. Ineffable, as always.”

“And a total bastard. Go, leave me to my misery. That child could never fathom how I feel, nor even begin to....” She trailed off.

“You've never known hope, have you? Don't underestimate my son. Just when you think he can't be more pathetic, he goes and does something wonderful.”

“Whatever. Get out of my house.” She made a shooing gesture, and none too gently banished Raziel from Hell. Which was, for the moment, her kingdom. She took off the iron crown and looked at it. “YHVH. If you're listening, I hate you. I hate you with every fiber of my being. Because I would trade this crown in an instant, just to feel that boy's arms around me again. Damn you. Damn you!” She hurled the crown to the floor.

For even if an angel takes human guise, even if they possess a human body, they cannot cry. Even if they wanted to.

Bundled up in a heavy coat, I attended my own funeral. Raziel introduce me as her niece, Anna. I'd noted at this point that angels, for all their superiority to humans, aren't terribly creative. Anna? Anson?

But I didn't argue with her. I had other things on my mind. My funeral was a pretty somber affair, with a closed casket. Although she'd destroyed my original body, Raziel had created a facsimile to provide everyone with closure. It just barely did the job, hence the closed coffin.

“There's rules, regarding our powers. One of the most important is, an angel cannot create life.” Or so she said. In a manner of speaking, she'd helped create me, so it would seem there are certain loopholes that can be exploited.

According to Raziel, my new body was actually twelve years old, but honestly, at 4' 7” and only 68 lbs., I looked more like eleven. I had short light brown hair and dark grey eyes. The girl (whose name I didn't know) had this delicate sort of prettiness. I imagine when she was older, her features would be considered striking. Not that I intended to use her body that long!

So there I was, in this dark blue coat, with a red beret on my head. Yeah, I know. My Daddy dresses me funny. But it was strangely cute, in a way. I was miserable.

It was a cold, grey day. It had been raining on and off all morning, perfect weather for a funeral. Mom, that is, June, my foster Mom, was crying her eyes out. I wanted to go to her, tell her everything was going to be ok. But how could I? Mark, my foster Dad, was comforting her as best he could.

Elisa was trying her best to be stoic, but Celene...Celene was crying openly. Which, if you knew here like I knew her, was a shock. Celene had lost a lot of family members over the years, and she was no stranger to funerals. She claimed death didn't bother her anymore. I guess she was wrong.

Heck, even my friend Dan was there. He wasn't crying, naturally, but he looked fairly grim. Dan was a strange friend to have. He was a little taller than me, more athletic, and way more popular. He had wavy dark hair, and blue eyes that the girls were always sighing over, with a slightly dusky skin tone that suggested partially Arabic descent.

I wish I'd made a will, so I could at least leave him my manga collection. He'd appreciate it.

We'd both studied at the same martial arts dojo, and sure enough, Sensei Kyle was attending as well. Kyle was a tall guy, really tall. Like 6' 5”. He had a lean, muscled build, and he was a lot faster than you'd think. His background originally had been in Boxing and Muay Thai, before he got into Mixed Martial Arts and Kickboxing. After he retired from the ring, however, he'd attempted to create a less lethal system of self-defense. It still didn't have an official name, but it was pretty damn effective. I'd only been a passing fair student at the Black Dragon Dojo, where Dan was one of the best. I'd spent a lot of long hours mastering the basic forms. I felt ashamed that, when the time came, I'd used what I'd learned to kill.

I mean, I could justify killing those terrorists, but...should I? Once you start justifying things, didn't that just lead you to worse acts? The road to Hell and all that. Of course, if you knew the right people, Hell wasn't so bad...which didn't help me any.

I finally couldn't take it any longer, and I fled the scene. At about the pace of a brisk walk; my borrowed body didn't have a lot of stamina. Raziel called my name, but didn't follow. I think she understood.

I needed to be alone.

I walked out of the cemetary, and sat down on a bench facing the street. It was raining again, and I knew I'd pay for this later. Probably with a cold and a fever. But I didn't care at that moment. So I watched the traffic.

I heard a splashing noise, and I turned to the right. There was this little girl, maybe all of seven. She was carrying an umbrella, running at full speed, only to jump and splash in a puddle. Then she'd move onto the next puddle and repeat the process.

Something about a kid managing to enjoy herself, even on such a dismal day, made me smile. She ran in my direction, but rather than splash me, she stopped and held out her umbrella.

“You're gonna get wet!”

“If I take your umbrella, you'll get wet too.”

She seemed to think about that. “Not if I stay close to you!”

I couldn't argue with her logic, so I held up the umbrella, and she scooted in front of me. “See? Told you.”

I nodded. “You were right. I'm Anna, what's your name?”

She grinned at me. “I'm Sophia.”

“Pleased to meet you, Sophia. Where's your Mom?”

“Mm. She's always around. Don't worry. Hey, I want to tell you something.”

“What's that?”

She pointed up. The sky parted, just for a moment, and I saw a rainbow form. “Even when it's cold and grey, somewhere, the sun is shining.”

She ran off after that, returning to her play, leaving me with her umbrella as I considered what she'd said. It was a surprisingly mature thought from a little girl, and it got me to thinking. That's when a girl sat down next to me.

“Hey.”

I turned and realized it was Celene, wearing a long coat. She had on a pair of dress shoes (I didn't even know she owned dress shoes!) as opposed to her usual thick soles. She'd washed the dye out of her hair as well, although her bangs were still lighter in color.

“Hi.”

“Your Aunt Karen was looking for you. Why'd you leave like that, did you know Anson?”

I shook my head. “No, but she talked about him. It's just...everyone was so sad. I couldn't take it.”

She nodded. “Me neither. I hate funerals. People think I'm Goth, and that I should really like them, you know? But that's not how it is. Death seems so...stupid, sometimes. Especially when it takes someone good.” She looked at me. “You shouldn't sit like that. It's okay now, but in a few years, it won't be.”

I blinked. Huh? Then I realized what she meant. I was sitting like a guy does, legs apart. It had never occurred to me before that girls don't sit that way. I blushed as I realized why.

She grinned. “Relax, you're still young and cute. You can get away with it.”

“So are you.”

“Yeah..but not as much as I used to be. Growing up is a pain. I wish I didn't have to. Hell, I'd trade with you in a heartbeat. When you're young, you don't worry about love.”

“Love?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Love is stupid. What's the point? You love someone, and they're just going to leave you one day. When you love people, you give part of yourself to them, right? But when they're gone, you got nothing. You're empty inside.”

God, I wanted to hug her so badly, tell her it was going to be ok. But what could I do? I had to say something! I thought of Raziel, still keeping all the photos of Mom and me. And how he had made himself look like her, so he'd never forget. In a way, she lived on because of him.

And me.

“It's true, we do lose something. And it hurts. But we still have the memories. As long as we remember, our love can never die.”

She choked back a sob. “Anson...”

I did hug her then, and she hugged me back. She cried for awhile, and I admit it, I cried as well. When it was over, the rain stopped and she kissed me on the forehead. “Kid, you're alright. I'm Celene.”

“Anna, but you knew that.”

“Yeah. You remind me of him, somehow. Come on, let's go back.”

I never did return that umbrella.

Once we got back, Raziel held me close, not saying anything. I watched Celene walk up to Elisa, and say something to her. She'd been trying to be the proper lady, but at Celene's words, she broke down crying, and I felt a sharp pain in my heart when I saw the girls comfort each other.

“...Raziel...I...I can't...”

She nodded. “I know. Let's go home.”

I slept on the car ride home; to my surprise, Raziel was driving at relatively normal speeds. I had a funny dream. In my dream, two armies were massed on an open meadow. One wore black livery, the other white.

Then two beautiful young women strode out towards the middle of the field. The white Queen was tall and regal, while the dark Queen was dark and mysterious.

“How did we get here?” The White asked the Black.

“Who can say? Love, I suppose.”

“Do we have to fight? I don't want to.”

“It's beyond us now. If we weren't doing this, someone else might be. At least we can save something, this way.”

The White queen sighed. “I love you, you know.”

“Of course, I've always known. Just as I have loved you.”

The White Queen gently touched her enemy's cheek. “Then why?”

“You know why. Without him, we were incomplete.”

“It's not fair.”

“I know.”

The taller Queen frowned. Then, “Can we?”

The smaller Queen nodded. “Just this once.”

The two took off their crowns and their clothing, and made love to one another in the field, even as their armies watched on. Afterward, they clung to each other like lovers, shivering in the chill air. It seemed like they would never part. But part they did, and naked, they strode back to their armies, and sounded the call to war.

I woke up then. “No!”

Raziel looked at me. “Anson? What's wrong?”

“I had a dream.”

“I'm very good at dreams. Maybe I could help?”

“...Elisa and Celene were in it.”

“Ah, it was one of -those- dreams. Tell me, did they make out in your dream?”

“Yeah, actually...hey!” I glared at her.

She grinned. “Those two are very pretty. Why in a few years, they'll really be something.”

“Dirty old man!”

“You say that like it's a bad thing!”

How the hell had God made such a pervert! “Forget it, I'm not talking to you.”

“I'm sorry Anson, but it's perfectly normal for a boy your age to have dreams like that.”

“In case you've forgotten, I'm a girl! I shouldn't be having...it wasn't like that!”

She smiled. “Girls can be attracted to other girls you know. Which is so hot.” She fanned herself.

“Ooh!”

“Admit you, you think so too.”

I did, but damn if I'd tell her! “Look, the dream was serious, ok?” I started to explain it, and when I was done (skipping over the girl-on-girl stuff), she was very quiet.

“I shouldn't have taken you lightly. A dream like that means that something has changed, and for the worse. Unless you act now, that future may very well happen.”

“Well what the heck can I do now? Anson is dead and I'm a little girl!”

“It sounds like you really need to get them to sleep with each other before it's too late.”

That's when I started throwing things at her. We almost got into an accident, but I felt vindicated. Honestly!

Although, later, as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I wondered if my perverted parent wasn't onto something. Assuming the lesbianism was a metaphor conjured by my adolescent mind (I did have some perverted genes, after all), I just needed them to admit their love for one another. As friends.

I got up and went downstairs to Raziel's computer. It was a very nice one, with a three terabyte hard drive and a processor that wasn't technically on the market yet. It was time for 'Anson' to leave behind a few messages from the grave.

Under Heaven, Over Hell-2

Author:

Lynceus

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

500 < Short Story < 7500 words

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Under Heaven, Over Hell-2

-by Lynceus

Anson begins to adjust to his/her new life as Ann, and resolve the feelings she has for not only Elisa and Celene, but her wayward parent, the Angel Raziel. Raziel explains more about the nature of the universe, including magic...and reveals a secret about the past.

Act Four: Axis Mundi

In the end, I decided on a website. A mysterious email sent after my death would be too creepy. Luckily, my parent (I mean, what do I call her? Dad?) had a book on html laying around, so I got familiar with the concept of web design.

I had to get Raziel to pay for it, but after looking at my proposed site, she just smiled and gave me a hug. Very strange person, Raziel.

So now I was sitting in front of the computer, trying to think. Raziel was in the other room, playing Persona 4 while listening to Philip Glass. Did I mention how odd she was? Still, something about 'Metamorphosis' stirred emotions deep within me.

The website had jpeg images of Celene and Elisa, and I was composing a poem, trying to describe how I felt about them. As I wrote, I discovered a lot more about myself in the process. Finally, I had to walk away for a minute.

I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. I was slowly getting used to this new body of mine. Or was I simply becoming resigned to my fate? There were so many annoying little things. Not being able to reach the top shelf. Feet not touching the floor when I sat down. Seeing that adorable face in the mirror. And at the top of the list, female biology.

At least I was spared the worst of it, but it's not easy getting used to a vagina when you've never had one before! Raziel eventually noticed my presence, and saved her game. “Hey kiddo, you don't look so hot.”

“I'm thinking that website was a bad idea. The more I write, the more I realize I've lost. And why.”

She got up and sat down next to me, placing an arm around my shoulders. In spite of my mixed feelings about Raziel, I found myself leaning against her. “Anson, I'm sorry. I really am. You deserve a real parent. I...I know I'm not very good at this. I wish I was. I wish your mother had lived. Because you really could use her right now. She had this way of making people feel better about their lives that was truly special. I never really got along with my brother Elohim; I mean, I was pretty much the nerd Angel.”

I smiled a little at that.

“Anyways...she was the first being in all of Creation that I felt like I could actually talk to. Sometimes, late at night, I'd get into the really out-there metaphysical stuff, and when she got confused, her mind didn't shut down. She asked questions! See, Angels, we don't often ask questions. We were created with all the knowledge we would ever really need, or so we thought, and to us, the universe functioned and that was great. But Man, oh humans were something else again. Every moment of your lives, you're questioning something. Wondering why things are the way they are. And sometimes, you even come up with the right answers!”

“You make it sound like we're all a bunch of backwards savages.”

She nodded. “In a way, you are. That's the beauty of it. For the longest time, the greatest achievements of Man were, at best, interesting diversions. But the more I studied Man, the more I realized something interesting was going on here. You questioned, you observed, and you came up with ideas. Sometimes good, often bad. But slowly, you were figuring out how the universe worked. And then you started coming up with some really impressive ideas, things that never occurred to me; and remember, I'm one of the smartest things in the universe!”

“You know, that's hard to believe sometimes.”

She grinned at me. “Well, it depends on how you rate intellect. I'm only a little smarter than the smartest humans, when you get right down to it. The difference isn't in how intelligent I am, but in how much knowledge I have. Think of it like this; we're both steering boats across the lake. My engine is a little faster than yours, but my lake is deeper than yours. Quite a lot deeper, in fact.”

“Huh. So where do I fit in? I mean, I'm part Angel, right?”

She shrugged. “I honestly don't know. Not every mating of human and Angel results in a Nephilim, sometimes the traits are recessive. Uh, think Greek Mythology. Zeus had a lot of kids, right? But not all of them had special powers. At one end of the scale, you have Hercules, so strong that he earned a place among the Gods. But on the other end, you have Perseus, who only had his wits and a few magical artifacts to work with. Now, personally, I believe you have access to all the Angelic gifts. And, in fact, due to Lucifer sharing some of his..ah...her power with you, you're quite a bit stronger than you should be. Your problem is that, where an Angel is created knowing how to use all of his powers, it's not intuitive for you. You lack control and understanding.”

“That explains why you're a lousy teacher, I guess.” I paused. “Sorry, you don't deserve that. You're trying, it's just...I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water.”

“I know. But I do want to help you. Especially since the situation you're in is kind of my fault. I mean, I gave you up to foster parents, good people, mind you, but not really able to prepare you for this stage of your life. Then I killed you.” She looked away.

Before, Raziel had been kind of flip about the whole killing me thing, at least, to my point of view. But I could tell it really bothered her. “Hey. I'm not mad about that anymore. You didn't know. I mean, if someone killed my kid and brought them back as a zombie or something, I'd be pretty upset too.”

“Thank you, Anson. But I know you're still mad about me putting you in that body.”

I frowned. “Yeah. I am, but not for the reasons I thought. I'm more annoyed at this point. But you know, it's weird. I thought I would be a lot more freaked out by seeing someone else's face in the mirror. Where's the identity crisis? And then I realized, there was no identity crisis, because I didn't really know who I was to begin with. All my life, it's been more about other people. Making my foster parents proud of me. Helping others. Protecting others.”

I shook my head. “But who is Anson, really? And the truth is...I don't know! Which is why I don't get why the girls like me so much. Why anyone does, really. I don't have a personality of my own! I mean, unless 'nice guy' counts.”

“You do have a personality, Anson. I've seen it. You care about people, yes. To a fault, really. If someone were to aim a gun at me, you'd jump in front of me. Even though I'm more likely to survive than you are. Why? Because you'd want to spare me the pain. To your mind, it would be better if you suffered, so that I wouldn't have to. And while that's heroic, even admirable, it's not a good thing either. You need to be a hero. A protector. But you also want to be punished. That's why you went to Hell, after all.”

“But why? Why do I feel so guilty?”

“I don't know. I really don't. But I'm sure you've figured out the problem with jumping in front of bullets.”

“Uh, I get killed?”

She laughed and ruffled my hair. “Besides that!”

I nodded. “Yeah. Believe me, the funeral spelled it out for me. If I get hurt, the people I care about get hurt anyways.”

“Yes, that's right.”

“I think that's why I never acknowledged my feelings for the girls. Because I have them. I think I always have. I thought if I chose one of them, the other would get hurt.”

“So you chose to simply be their friend. But that hurt them also.”

I nodded. “Yes, so I need to make them understand why I was afraid. That I did care. And that I didn't want to destroy the love we all had for each other.”

Raziel got that look she did when she was about to say something perverted, so I held up a hand. “I swear, if the word 'threesome' comes out of your mouth, I'll kill you in your sleep.”

She laughed, and after a moment, I did too.

In the end, this is what I wrote:

I still remember the first day I met you both. You were so different, and yet, I could feel a connection between us. My life changed forever. I wanted nothing more than to be close to you both, to be your friends forever. But as time went by, my feelings grew stronger, and I realized, this must be love.

But how could I love one and not the other? The truth is, I loved you both, just as you loved one another. And I was afraid that to choose one, would cost us both the other. I couldn't risk that, and so I took the coward's choice; I simply remained your friend, even as you both wished our love could go further.

I hope that one day I'll learn to be strong, and share with you my heart. Because you deserve the truth, no matter what happens as a result. And that truth is this:

I love you both more than anything, and I'd do anything to be with you always.

“God, this is so sappy.” I clicked the mouse and submitted the page, and went to bed.

I had another strange dream. I recognized the cemetary, as I was looking down on it from above. A teen girl with reddish-blonde hair was facing off against what looked like...werewolves? Well no, more like were-dogs, actually. At least, they resembled your common mutt, except stretched out and twisted into a humanoid shape. And their eyes burned with hellish fire.

The girl, however, was a total badass. She was using a variation Sensei Kyle's techniques, I realized, but at a level far more advanced than mine. Hell, I doubt even Dan would be able to take her on! She didn't so much as dodge, as she seemed to dance, evading her opponents with such precision it looked choreographed.

Not a single wasted movement, either. I think I was in love! One of the were-things kicked a tombstone at her. Time seemed to slow down as she moved her head to the side, and I could actually read the writing on it.

Anson Carter. Beloved Son.

What the hell?! That was my tombstone!

The girl seemed a little annoyed about it as well, and she leaped forward, turning in mid-air to deliver a powerful spin kick to the were's chest, which sent him flying back. She landed slowly, as if she only had a passing acquaintance with gravity. Ok, so much for no wasted movements, but damn, that was cool!

She darted to the right, sprinting much faster than any human could. There was something eerily familiar about her, but I couldn't put my finger on it. She skidded to a halt as a robed figure with skeletal wings came into view, perching on top of another tombsone.

Karen Rose. Beloved Eternally.

Wait, what?

The girl hissed. “How dare you...get away from her!”

“Now now. I thought I would creep down into the ground, and slip into her old bones. Do you think your father would still find her beautiful?”

The girl's body shook with rage. She rose off the ground, and six wings, burning with flame, sprouted from her back. Holy shit!

The demon-thing, or whatever it was, seemed to have the same opinion. “No, it cannot be! You're nothing, a pathetic half-breed!”

“Give my regards to Luci when you get to Hell. If she lets you live that long. Calz Vonpho Sobra Z-Ol Ror I Ta Nazps!” There was a flash of light, and to my amazement, the demon's body fell apart, cut in twain, the remains burning.

The girl turned and faced the dog-demons. “Ta Nobloh Zien Soba Thil Gnonp Prge!” She thrust her hands forward, reminding me of Ken or Ryu throwing a Ha-Do-Ken in Street Fighter, and sure enough, a sphere of incandescent flame surged forward, and the demons burned to ash.

Her wings faded, leaving tiny embers floating upwards, and I saw the back of her shirt was totally burned away. She fell to her knees, sobbing. I wanted to reach out and comfort her but then...

I woke up to find Raziel standing over me, looking concerned. “Anson? Are you alright?”

“s'ann now, isn't it?” I mumbled.

She brushed a stray bit of hair out of my eyes. “Well, in public, yes.”

“Yeah...” I frowned.

“Hey, don't look like that. If you want me to call you Ann, I will.”

“I...no it's not that. I had another stupid dream. Hey, does Calz Vonpho Sobra...”

Raziel's eyes got big and wide, and she put a hand over my mouth. “Woah! Hold up, where did you hear that?!”

I mumbled something, and she took her hand off my mouth, looking sheepish. “Ah, sorry about that, go on.”

“It was in my dream. Some girl said these words, and cut a demon in half or something.”

“It means, 'The Firmament of Wrath, In Whose Hands, The Sun is as a sword'. Referring to God, of course.”

“What language is that?”

She sighed. “Enochian is what humans call it. You see, magic was never meant to be wielded by humans. It goes back to what I was trying to say before, about humans ability to question things, and apply Reason.”

She sat on the edge of my bed. “As you may recall, we weren't very impressed by humans at first. Oh eventually you got up to some rather nifty things, but it was still nothing we couldn't easily replicate with our powers. And then you split the atom, unleashing the very Fires of Creation.”

She shook her head. “No Angel would have even conceived of doing such a thing. It's a pure act of destruction, plain and simple. The others were confused, but that's when I started to grasp God's intention for humanity. If you don't destroy yourselves, that is.”

“Uh, wait, weren't you just talking about magic?”

She ruffled my hair. “Sorry, I do tend to jump around a bit. Think of the universe as a complex computer program. God wrote it, and he gave Angels the Keys that...well, let me simplify things. Warren Ellis, a comic book writer, once compared magic to cheat codes in a computer game. And you know what? He's very close to the truth. God wrote cheats into the source code of Creation. Ways to warp or violate things.”

“Woah, so those words, are a cheat code?”

“Sort of, yes. You input the commands, and you're allowed to temporarily do things the game engine wouldn't normally allow. Now, Angels know what they're doing, we were made to. Some time ago, in human prehistory, some of my brothers went down to Earth and, among other things, shared Magic and Astronomy, and other things with humans. This is why the early civilizations had such advanced knowledge, you were given a head start. God wasn't too pleased about it.”

“And magic?”

“Well, there are two problems with magic. The main problem is, you're hacking the source code. If you don't know what you're doing, you can cause all kinds of problems. System stability is lost, or it could crash, or you get a result you didn't want.”

“Woah, woah, woah!” I sat up. “Reality can blue-screen?”

Raziel chuckled. “Yes, yes it can. Not everywhere, mind you, but yes, a bad command could make the local reality around you freeze up. Forcing a soft reboot, if you will. This can cause all kinds of minor havoc, as you can imagine. So obviously, humans weren't meant to have that power.”

“Huh. What's the other problem?”

“You can become too much like God.”

“Uh...”

She held up one finger. “Let me think...ok. This is just my theory, mind you, but I think I'm on the right track. Humans were designed to think like God. When God came into existence, He had all the same kinds of questions you lot have. What is this? How does it work?”

She licked her lips idly. “The problem was, when He asks a question, he gets the answer. Instantly. So it wasn't long before He was able to create the universe and all that. And then He created us. You know, to do the little stuff. Clean house, take out the trash, and so on.”

“Wow. How glamorous.”

Raziel chuckled. “Well He had some deep thinking to do. It wasn't long before He became lonely. But we were poor company, we didn't ask questions, for the reasons I mentioned. He wanted to talk with a mind that was like His own. But even He couldn't create another God. Or so I assume.”

“So what, he made humans...wait, I think I get it. We asked the questions, but we had to do things the hard way. Trial and error.”

“But eventually, you'd end up on a level close to His own. With a complete understanding of how the universe works. The problem is, if you can just hack the universe, you don't need to really question anything. Why figure things out, when you can just do it with magic? Even worse, you really can't figure out how things work. Ok, drop an apple, it falls. Then some jerk comes by and says a few words, and it floats up into the air. You'd never figure out how gravity works!”

“But that's not how it happened. I mean, most people don't even believe in magic.” I suddenly thought about Celene, who did believe.

“It's not a bug, it's a feature.”

I blinked. “What?”

She grinned. “Humans are supposed to rely on Reason. You're built that way. So it's a rare mind that can really wrap itself around the concept of magic, and do anything with it. You can do everything right, but if, at some level, your brain is saying 'oh come now, this magic stuff is just plain silly', it'll never work.”

“So those words are, the commands for the universe program?”

“Pretty much, yes. Humans, being an inventive lot, have figured out other ways to meddle with things, but Enochian is one of the better ones. Mostly because it's a very close approximation to the language of the Elohim. So the universe recognizes it. God actually tried to stamp out the knowledge a few times, He felt it was too much of a temptation, but by the time Dr. John Dee got his paws on it, God had long since stopped micro-managing His Creation.”

“So wait, anything I say in Angelic, it happens?”

“Heavens no, dear boy! Let's assume the Creator isn't dumb, shall we? Only He has that level of access. But there are a lot of things you can do.”

“So you're going to teach me magic?”

She frowned. “I..I'll have to think about it. I need to get ready for school.” She got up and walked out of the room quickly. I got up as well and followed her.

“Raziel.” She didn't pause.

“Dad! Stop, please!” She froze and turned.

“...Dad?”

“Well, that's what you are, right?” I looked up at her. Angel's can't cry, but I could tell when they were upset. And Raziel...my Father...was very upset.

“Oh Ann...it's just...” She wrung her hands uselessly.

I hugged her. “I'm sorry. If it hurts that much, you don't have to. But I'm here for you, ok Dad?”

“I..I didn't think you'd ever acknowledge me.”

“Hey, didn't we have this discussion? I don't hate you.”

She ran her fingers through my hair. “I know..but I didn't think you loved me.”

“Well, I used to have a crush on you...”

“Silly girl. You know what I mean.” She called me a girl. Oddly, that didn't bother me so much.

“Tell me what's wrong.”

“Come with me, and I'll explain on the way to school.”

For reasons I won't get into now, I found myself at odds with my brothers in Heaven. Something wasn't right, and I'll just say; I wasn't the only one who went rogue. The orders we were getting from Sandalphon and the Metatron, the highest-ranked Angels, were confusing. God had been silent for a long time, and now, he was giving commands that made no sense.

God doesn't speak to us directly, he hands down his commands through our captains. At any rate, I came to Earth looking for Tabris, the Angel of Free Will. I'll talk more about Tabris later, all that matter now is, he's important, and I knew he was living among humans.

I'd trailed him to the College here. And there, the trail ended. That he was somewhere on campus, I was certain of, but he could be a student, faculty member, even a lowly custodian. It was a long shot, but I enrolled as a student, hoping that if I waited long enough, he'd show himself.

Just because I am the Angel of Knowledge doesn't mean I know everything; human knowledge expands every day. And more and more, humans are reaching into areas that Angels quite literally, fear to tread. Like genetics, for example. The whole concept of modifying what God created shakes me to very core. However, unlike my brothers, I am also fascinated by it.

Well, anyways, you get the idea. Taking classes was not nearly as boring for me as you might think. I drove my guidance counselor up the wall however, as I was constantly changing majors. Once I learned everything I cared to about a subject, I was quick to move to a new thing. I wasn't bored, but I didn't want to become bored either. It meant I wasn't going to graduate any time soon, but that wasn't really the point.

I mean, what was I going to do with a degree anyways?

Everything changed when I met Karen Rose. She wasn't the prettiest girl on campus, but she was brilliant, and as I said before, I found her questions fascinating. We met in Professor Clay's Anthropology class; I'd taken it as a lark, since a lot of what the Professor was discussing, I was present for. It amused me to see how much humans got wrong about their past.

Although, the Professor did surprise me more than once with his insight, but that's neither her nor there. Karen soon became the entire reason I was there. We became study partners, and then friends. We'd have long talks into the night. I think I finally realized I was in love with her the night she told me she didn't believe in God.

I can see the look on your face; but she had a very logical argument. I won't go into it at length now, but the core of her argument revolved around the contradiction of a benevolent deity who was also unknowable. Man has questions, but God gives no answers. All humans are told is, to have faith.

Faith must have a foundation, you cannot trust something that refuses to let itself be known. Would you trust a bridge if you couldn't see it? Of course not, even if you could feel it, you'd move cautiously, constantly wondering if you were about to step into a chasm.

Even a voice saying “if you fall, I will catch you” might engender some trust, but you are given nothing! So, her conclusion was simple; if God was unknowable, he could not be benevolent. And if he isn't benevolent, then there's no reason to believe in Him at all, save out of fear.

And your mother, Ann, was a very brave woman. I personally saw her stand up to a man who towered over her by at least a foot, and never give an inch of ground. Needless to say, I was fascinated, and I soon forgot all about Tabris. I started to think that this human girl was onto something; the answers I had longed for. The reason for it all.

I was content to simply be near her, but she had other plans. As I found out, the night she kissed me, but...that's another story. More than once, I had to use my powers near her for various reasons. I thought I'd been careful, but Karen was very observant.

Finally she confronted me, and basically told me that if I didn't tell her the truth about me, then there would be no future for us. I...couldn't bear the thought of a life without her. So I told her the truth. I admit, I did take a bit of pleasure out of her reaction that God was real. But of course, that simply raised more questions.

Like you, she asked me to teach her magic, and I...I did. I became her mentor in all things metaphysical, as she became mine in all things physical. Ahem. I had stressed upon her the importance of not using magic lightly, and the consequences. But when she..

I blinked. Raziel had parked the car, and simply stopped talking. “Dad?”

She shook. “Ann..this hurts so badly. I miss her so much. Can you imagine it? God was the center of my existence. For eons. And somehow, she had managed to displace my Creator. She became everything to me. I was no longer an Angel, but something else. For the love of a human.”

I reached over and took Raziel's hand, squeezing it. “Let it out, Dad.”

She nodded. “When your mother became pregnant, I became very worried. A Nephilim hadn't been born in a long time, to my knowledge. And your kind, they were never supposed to exist in the first place, so...there was a chance that your mother could miscarry, or that carrying you to term could cause her great harm. Or that you might not even resemble a human...not all Angels are human in appearance you understand. I tried to explain the dangers to her, but she...she was so stubborn. 'I am going to have our child', she said.”

Raziel took a deep breath and let it out. “I could refuse her nothing. But there were complications. And you were about two weeks due when your mother collapsed. I rushed her to the hospital. I didn't need the doctors to tell me what the problem was, however. She was bleeding internally. She..she made me tell her the truth. That you were going to die, and unless they terminated the pregnancy, she would die as well.”

“...no...she didn't...”

Raziel nodded. “Yes. 'I will have this child, Ray'. That's what she...called me. 'Don't you see? This is the ultimate expression of my love for you, to give the world a child that is both of us. A child who has grown in my body! Ray, I taught you love, but you can never understand this, a Mother's love. You know what must be done.' But damn me...I couldn't.”

Raziel slammed her fist against the steering wheel. I heard something crack. “So she did. Noqod Zamran Micalzo Od Ozam Vrelp Lap Zir Io-Iad. Thy servants, show yourselves in power and make me strong. A strong seer of things, for I am of Him that liveth forever.”

“So Mom...used magic to make me live.”

Raziel nodded. “And sacrificed herself. Now you know. Why I fear teaching you this. Because you are her son. Because I know you will one day do the same thing, to give up your life to save another's. And I...I don't know that I could lose you, too.”

I cried then, and we clung to each other. I understood, now, why Raziel couldn't raise me herself. Even now, I reminded her of Mom. Of the pain of losing her. Finally, when I could cry no more, I looked at my parent. “Father. It wasn't your fault.”

“Wasn't it?”

I shook my head. “No. It wasn't your fault. She made her choice. Isn't that what it's all about? The ability of humans to make choices? She knew the risks, she knew that she would hurt you. But she would rather be dead, than to lose something she loved. You...or I. I just wish I...”

“Shh, Ann. I know. I'm a poor replacement for her. Especially since I left you alone for so long.”

“But Father, I get it. I know why you couldn't bear to be near me. The pain was so great for you. But you watched over me anyways. You were never far from me, were you? It wasn't your fault...but if you need forgiveness, then...I forgive you.”

Dad ended up being very late for class. But I don't think he cared one bit. We had finally become a family.

To be continued...

Under Heaven, Over Hell-3

Author:

Lynceus

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

500 < Short Story < 7500 words

Genre:

Transgender

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Other Keywords:

Supernatural

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Under Heaven, Over Hell-3

by Lynceus

Act Four continues. as Anson, now Anna, learns more about the nature of Creation, and attempts to heal the rift between Elisa, Celene, and herself...

Of course, there wasn't really a lot to do at the school while Dad was at work. The weather was still wet and cold, with grey skies, just as it had been for my funeral. I hung out in the library, reading. Other kids would give me odd looks, no doubt wondering who I was (and why a kid was in a high school library), but pretty much everyone left me alone.

At least until fourth hour, when, to my surprise, I heard a familiar voice. “Hello! May I sit here?”

I looked up to see Elisa, a gentle smile on her face. “Oh, Elisa, right?”

She nodded. “Yes, and you're Anna. Miss Rachel said I might find you here. Celene will be along shortly, she forgot some overdue library book in her locker again. Unless...you'd rather be alone?”

I slid my book to the side. “No, please, it'd be nice to have someone to talk to.”

She pulled a chair out and sat down. She was wearing a pretty green sweater and a red tartan skirt over a black leotard. Now, Elisa most definitely not Scottish, but it looked good on her nonetheless. She looked to my book. “What are you reading?”

I held it up sheepishly. It was titled 'Drawing the Human Body: An Anatomical Guide'.

She raised an eyebrow. “You're an artist?”

“A little, it interests me.”

“I...had a friend who was an artist.” It was all I could do not to jump out of my chair and try to console her; I knew she was talking about me. Er, Anson that is. Talk about complicated!

“Oh.” I mean, what else could I say?

“Jeez, is she weeping about Anson again?” I looked to see Celene walking towards us, hefting her backpack. She set it on the table with an audible 'thunk', pulled out a chair, and sat down. I noticed she was sitting very close to Elisa. “She'll be fine, just give her a minute.”

I frowned. “It's ok. I mean, he was a friend...”

“He was an idiot.” Celene retorted.

“Celene!” Elisa gasped. “You don't mean that!”

“I do. That website...oh that pisses me off! He couldn't talk to us, but he can plaster that all over the internet? If he wasn't dead, I'd kill him!”

Oops. So much for that idea. But then, just like that, Celene started crying. What the hell have I done?

Elisa held her friend close, rocking her. “It's ok, Celene, I'm here. Shh, don't cry.”

I was being punished. I'd done this. And I couldn't get away! Watching them cry, I felt tears of my own form. The two best friends I'd ever had, and here I was, right in front of them, and yet, a million miles away. Dad, help me!

“Oh girls, I'm so sorry.” As if by magic, there she was. Even though she addressed Elisa and Celene, she moved to stand next to me, her hand squeezing my shoulder. I leaned against her, trying to hide my tears.

Elisa turned to face Raziel. “Miss Rachel...I think I should take her somewhere private.”

Raziel slapped a pass onto the table. “To the nurse's office, both of you.”

Elisa smiled, pain in her eyes. “Thank you, Miss Rachel.” She stood, simply picking Celene up in her arms like she was a small child, and walked away, pass in hand.

Dad sat down next to me, and held me close. “I'm so sorry, I know this is torture for you.”

I sniffled. “You came. I needed you, and you came.”

She kissed the top of my head. “Anna, my child. Whenever you need me, I'll be there. I promise. So many times you needed me before now, and I wasn't there. Never again.”

“I can't...I can't be near them. It hurts too much.”

“I think I have an idea that might help. And don't blame yourself, I think that website did help. You put your heart into it, and that's a precious thing.”

I looked at the table. “I don't feel like I did so good.”

“Oh no?” Raziel stood up and walked over to Celene's backpack. I blinked, I'd never seen Celene leave it alone like that. Opening it up, Dad rummaged inside and produced something I'd only seen glimpses of. A ledger, bound in black leather.

“Dad, you can't!”

Raziel waggled her eyebrows. “Oh yes I can!” She opened it up, flipped most of the way through it, and showed it to me.

I looked, and I saw something that looked like a magical diagram, three concentric circles, linked together. Each circle had a name written on it. Celene. Anson. Elisa.

“What does it mean?”

“Celene comes from a long line of mortal sorcerers; she is descended from Nephilim like you, who were taught magic by their parents. This is her sigil of power, the fundamental expression of who she is, and the nature of her magic.”

“But..it has all our names on it.”

“Correct. Celene understood some time ago how much of her was bound up with her two closest friends. Right now, a link in that chain is broken, and she's hurting.”

I looked up at the Angel of Knowledge. My Father. “Dad. You have to help me fix this.”

She nodded. “And so we shall, my Anna.”

The school day was nearly over, and I waited outside. It was still drizzling, but the cool air cleared my mind. My life was so messed up! I was trying to be strong, but it was simply one screwed-up situation after another! I was still trying to wrap my mind around being a girl, and...

It was simply too much for me. “Why? Why did this have to happen?!”

“A lot of people ask that question.”

I turned my head quickly, surprised that someone had gotten so close without me noticing. There, holding her umbrella to cover us both, was the little girl, Sophia. “Sophia? What are you doing here?”

She ignored the question, looking at the cars speeding by on the street. “People say that I'm never around when they need me. That I never hear them. That I don't listen. I do. I'm always there. It's just...Anna, if you had a magic spell that could make people happy, would you use it?”

Sophia is a very strange girl. Very deep for her age. Still, her question made me think. “If that's all that it did, yes.”

She looked at me with a sad little smile. “Why?”

“Because...it hurts to be sad. I don't like feeling that way.”

“Mm, but people don't always know what they need to be happy. And some people's happiness comes at the cost of other people's happiness. It's like you have a full glass of happiness, and everyone else has empty glasses of sorrow. Whose glass gets filled?”

I frowned. “Why can't you just go get more water?”

“I like the way you think. Why not indeed?” She hugged me impulsively, and I hugged her back. She felt warm and soft, and her hair smelled like incense. It was a pleasant smell, familiar, but I couldn't place it.”

“It's going to rain tonight, Anna. All the water you'll need.” She kissed me on the cheek and stepped back. “Well, I gotta go, bye bye!”

I waved to her as she skipped off. A weird girl. But very easy to love.

When Dad came out to get me, I realized I was carrying Sophia's umbrella!

Raziel looked at it oddly. “Didn't you leave that at home?”

I didn't know what to say.

“Ok, sometimes, when the Boss would send us to deliver messages, he'd ask us to enter someone's dreams. God spends a lot of time thinking of ways to be vague and cryptic. Getting an important message while you're dreaming is one hell of a mindjob, let me tell you. Dreams are full of bizarre symbolism and imagery, so it's really hard to be sure of what you're being told until after the fact.”

“What's the point of that?”

She chuckled. “It's hard to say for certain. I always thought it was God pulling a fast one. You get this prophecy, but you don't know what it means. Then when you finally figure it out, you can't blame God for what happened, it was your own fault for not being smarter!”

“That's...seriously. God jerks people's chains like that?” I really found myself disliking my Creator the more I heard about Him!

“Well, humans get pretty full of themselves. This may be His way of teaching some good old-fashioned humility.”

“I guess. But what happens when someone does figure out what the dream means in advance?”

Raziel laughed. “Then, things get interesting. It's one of the few things they mostly got right in The Bible. The whole plan with the plagues? Several times, it almost backfired. See, the point wasn't to scare the Pharaoh into letting the Hebrews go free. Because even if he did it, nothing stopped him from capturing them again. Or his successors. Egypt was very powerful back then. So the plan was, to break them. Totally. So that by the time they recovered their power, they had a powerful warning for future generations. Do not fuck with God's chosen!”

I laughed. “I remember that now. More than once, the Pharaoh was like, ok, ok, I give in, and God would 'harden his heart' so he'd change his mind. But isn't that, you know, a violation of Free Will?”

Raziel had the good grace to look embarrassed. “Well, it would be, if he just outright forced the issue. But God rarely does anything directly, so he sub-contracted out the job to an Angel.”

“Ok, so what happened?”

“He got the Pharaoh drunk.”

I blinked. “Seriously?!”

“Yep. And then he started arguing with the Pharaoh, saying that letting the Hebrews go would make him look weak. The booze did the rest.”

I shook my head. “I can't believe all this stuff really happened.”

“Well, not everything. For example, there was the problems with had with Ishtar. Astarte, Ashtoreth, she's called by several names in The Bible, but it's always the same person.”

“Wait..Ishtar? The Goddess?”

Raziel nodded. “That's the one.”

“Wait a minute. You mean other Gods are real? But how can that be?”

“Ok. Humans have free will. And they're free to believe in anything they want. If you want to believe that a rock can talk to you, and grant you the power of miracles, you can. No problem. But Faith is a funny thing. It can move mountains if it's strong enough. Most miracles aren't God's doing, but simply caused by human desire. This isn't magic, it's something stronger. This is why the Commandments have the prohibition against worshipping other Gods. Now, I'm not saying all religions are real, but Ishtar? She definitely is. Something about her just captured the imaginations of the ancient world. Unlike most Gods, who were conceived as angry, bitter, wrathful deities, she was a woman. Sure, she could kick ass, but she had a caring, gentle side. And she had the hottest priests and priestesses, who were very much into the idea of casual sex.”

She paused. “Anyways, all that faith built up, and finally, something happened. Ishtar became real. I remember the night she was born, there were storms and lightning all over the place, it was one hell of a show! 'I AM', she said. Well, to the Elohim, this was a real shock to the system. She had basically created herself, and declared herself equal to God! Which simply went against our view of how things worked!”

“Wow. What did God do?”

Dad sighed. “Nothing. What could he do? He gave humanity the freedom to make their own choices, and if they wanted to believe in Her, well, so be it. Of course, eventually her worship was stamped out by the Romans. That didn't kill her, but she no longer had the power she once did. She still wanders the world, a Goddess without a purpose. We try not to bother her, she's still very strong compared to an angel.”

“...wow. I feel sorry for her. That's not fair. People created her, then other people rejected her.”

“You never cease to impress me, my son. You can care so much for people you've never even met.”

“I'd like to meet her someday.”

She ruffled my hair. “Perhaps you will.”

I thought for a moment. “So what about Gods people still believe in? Like, um, Chinese deities or Hindu Gods?”

“They still exist, but generally, the Eastern religions aren't as big on direct interference in mortal affairs. It's more about achieving a higher state of enlightenment, really. Very metaphysical bunch, really. And unfortunately, what you'll find out is, a lot of Gods, once they realize how they fit into the grand scheme, just sort of lose their sense of self and purpose. They don't die, so much as simply rejoin Creation, choosing oneness with everything over what is, really, a very lonely existence.”

“That sucks. I mean, it really does. So what, Christianity is the one true religion?”

Raziel started to laugh, and it was several moments before she stopped. “Oh, Anna, no, no! There is no one true religion, that's the point. God doesn't care if you believe in Him. He'd like you to, but you don't have to. Whatever religion works for you, that inspires your Faith, is fine with Him. There have, at times, existed Faiths so powerful that they rolled over the Abrahamics like a great tide! Remember what I said about God being alone? I do believe that's the point. For Man to create another God, one equal to the Creator. So He won't be alone anymore.”

“What do you think would happen then?”

“I have no idea, Anna. I really don't. I hope it will be the start of a new, better Creation. But it could easily be the end. It all depends on what this other entity believes. Some Angels are even worshipped, to an extent. But I don't think we're capable of becoming His equal. Not even Lucifer.”

“I miss Luci. She's really lonely. And sad.”

“Oh Anna, your heart is just too big. Well any time you want to visit, I can show you the way.”

I perked at that. “Really?!”

“Of course, but we've gotten off topic. Tonight, you're going to enter the dreams of Elisa and Celene. As Anson.”

“Really?!”

She laughed. “You just said that. And yes, really. It's not hard, really, the three of you are tied together on some level. So I'll help you create a shared dreamscape. What happens during the dream, however, I have no control over. Go get some rest, I'll wake you when it's time to begin.”

I frowned. “You'll wake me up so I can go to sleep?”

She laughed. “You'll see.” She kissed me on the forehead. “Go to sleep.”

I did that, and while I slept, I dreamed of lost Gods and ruined temples. And of poor Luci, all alone in her Temple. And of God, who was, perhaps, the loneliest of all...

To be continued....

Under Heaven, Over Hell-4

Author:

Lynceus

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

500 < Short Story < 7500 words

Genre:

Transgender

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

Other Keywords:

Supernatural

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Under Heaven, Over Hell-4

by Lynceus

Act Five begins, as Anson starts to find out exactly how deep the rabbit hole goes...

Act Five: Ronin

I opened my eyes. Everything around me was a grey mist, and I couldn't even see the ground clearly. I was standing, which was odd- I typically don't go to sleep standing up. I was also a guy again. And naked.

I didn't see any sign of the girls, either. Something told me that this wasn't one of their dreams. It certainly wasn't my dream either!

Very perceptive of you. The voice seemed to come from nowhere in particular. It was male, and didn't sound familiar. Whoever it was sounded awfully satisfied with themselves.

Do I? I never really noticed. I suppose, given our relative positions, I probably do come off as a bit arrogant.

“The telepathy thing doesn't help much, either. Where am I?”

You have been diverted. Well, whoever it was, they had apparently read Douglas Adams. How bad could they be?

You'd be surprised, Anson. However, it's true that I hold no malice towards you. I simply cannot allow Raziel's current plan to succeed.

I shivered. I'd like to say because I was cold, but the truth is- there was something creepy about the way he/it said that. “Why? I just want to help!”

I guess it can't hurt to explain. Your two friends, as you may have already surmised, are not ordinary girls. Individually, they are the culmination of centuries, if not millenia, of careful planning.

“Planning? For what?”

To replace God, of course.

I felt my throat tighten, and I swallowed. Hard. “Replace God? Are you for real?”

I never said I thought much of the plan, but that's basically what it boils down to. The One has long given humanity the freedom to create their own gods, after all. It was inevitable that someone would realize that fact, and attempt to subvert the process for their own purposes. It's no simple task, of course. Eugenics, adherence to prophecies- there's a lot involved. Too much work, for my tastes, but I have to give them credit- they've come a long way.

“So...Elisa and Celene are...”

Part of a conspiracy...well, two different conspiracies, to be precise, that go back a very long time. The culmination of which will be to create the Kwisatz Haderach.

A Dune reference, this time? Jesus.

No, not Christ. Anti-Christ. Just as Christ came from God, Anti-God will come from Anti-Christ. The Queen of the World shall rise, and through her, shall come the downfall of God. At least, that's the plan.

“So what do I have to do with that?”

Nothing. Worse than nothing, actually- you've caused a lot of trouble, due to your mere existence. Believe it or not, as closely monitored as both girls are, it took some time before the truth was known. That they are, in essence, the result of divergent paths. By all rights, they should be enemies, but they aren't. Mostly because of you. Removing you from the equation had to be performed with some delicacy, of course. Which was horribly botched-up, I might add.

“They didn't know I was half-Angel?”

I should say not! Raziel covered his tracks well. Mind you, placing the operation in the hands of zealots wasn't a good idea either- they got entirely too carried away, which simply aggravated the situation. Both girls ended up somewhat traumatized by the whole affair. The plan simply won't work, you see, if they are aware that they are being manipulated. Yes, they are both aware that they aren't quite normal- Celene, in particular, is quite the budding sorceress- but the truth would probably break them. You would lead them to that truth. So you simply have to be removed.

“You're going to kill me, then?”

There's really no need. You're trapped here, like a fly in amber. By the time Raziel finds you- if he ever does- you won't be a problem any longer. I find death to be wasteful- you may yet have a role to play.

“Whose side are you on, anyways?” I had to keep him/it talking. Maybe he'd drop a clue, or...

Give you a way out? I'm sorry, Anson, I really am. You're simply out of your league. To answer your question, however, I'm on my own side. Both Elisa's backers, and Celene's, believe I am an ally. I've considered the end result of their actions, and I have a better use for the girls. To further my own ambition. And now I have more important work at hand, so I'm afraid this is good-bye, for now.

“Wait! Don't leave!”

End of line.

And I was alone.

-o-

It felt like I'd spent days, in that place. I tried walking in one direction, but I didn't find anything. No people. No structures. Nothing. Finally, I fell to the ground, exhausted.

And I cried. Somehow, this was even worse than going to Hell had been. I cried out for Father...even for Luci, but no one came. I could literally feel my sanity slipping away. I wished I was dead.

“Goodness! You really did get yourself lost, didn't you?”

I turned, and there, standing a few feet away from me, was Sophia, umbrella and all! I had gone crazy- there was no way she could be here!

She moved to sit next to me. “I'm really here, Anson. Honest. I don't lie. Well, to be honest, I can't lie. I can mislead people, I can hold back information, but I am, essentially, Truth itself.”

“Who are you? I mean, who are you really?”

She grinned up at me. “You know.”

I moved away from her. “Oh my God.”

“Anson...you don't need to be afraid of me.”

Somehow, I just knew it. Knew it right down to the core of my being. I was in the presence of God. The God who created the screwed-up universe. Created my Dad. Why the Supreme Being chose to look like a cute little girl was beyond me, but I was terrified of her.

Even though she looked like she was about to burst into tears.

“Anson. Please...I know why you're afraid, even if you don't. Just...please, listen. Please?”

The idea that God was pleading with me was totally ludicrous. I mean, she could make me listen, right?

She shook her head. “Free will is the hardest concept to explain, even to someone who possesses it. Believe me, I wish I could make people listen. It would make things so much easier. People, even Angels, to be honest, tend to hear what they want to hear. It's frustrating in ways you cannot even comprehend. And, um, would you mind terribly if I put some clothes on you?”

I just stared at her. “Me being naked bothers you?”

She giggled a little at that. “Of course not! Well, maybe a little. One can't take the form of a little girl without inheriting certain sensibilities. I think it would make you more comfortable, however.”

I conceded she had a point. “Please, then.”

She nodded and suddenly I was wearing jeans and a tee-shirt, as if I'd always been wearing them. “Almost put you in a dress, that might have been counter-productive. It's disturbing to see you in this form again, although I suppose you wouldn't agree.”

“Uh...well of course I wouldn't, I'm a guy!”

She patted the ground next to her. “Sit, Anson. I have some metaphysical things to explain to you. Honestly, I hate dumping exposition on people, but my usual methods aren't going to work here.”

“Dad said you liked to dream up ways to make things overly complicated.”

She laughed, and I couldn't resist smiling myself. “Raziel? Saying I make things overly complicated? Now if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black.” She shook her head. “You know when religious people say that there's a reason behind everything I do, even if people can't understand it? That's actually true, even though a lot of what they say is, excuse my language, bullshit. Don't let me get started, I could rant for centuries about all the ways humans get things wrong!”

I sat down, facing her. “I could...well ok, I guess I couldn't imagine. You're not what I was expecting, either.”

“Well, that's kind of the point. To be honest, even most Angels believe that I'm incapable of interacting directly with humans. Er, the opposite of that, actually. In ancient times, humans believed that looking upon a god would cause you to die outright.”

“I'm glad that's not true. I've been dead, it wasn't much fun.”

She reached out and patted me on the cheek. “I know, dear, I know. The truth is, my true form is kind of hard to take in. It would probably drive most people insane. What you see now is only a small part of what I am, by necessity.”

“Necessity? I don't understand any of this. I'm half-Angel, God is a little girl, and my best friends are supposed to be something out of The Omen. Or Dune. Or something!” I was, to be honest, getting a little exasperated by this point. I still wasn't sure that I hadn't gone mad, either.

“Shh. Stay calm. First, let me start by apologizing. You know when people blame God for all their problems? In a way, they have a point. All of existence, such as it is, is my fault. What's worse is, I've kind of let things get out of hand, and I'm not even sure how to fix things anymore.”

“You're not going to...destroy the world?!”

Her eyes got wide. “What?! No! Of course not! That's the last thing I want to do!”

I let out a breath. “Sorry, it's just, everyone is always saying...”

She poked me in the arm with her finger. “Ok, Anson? Forget all that. Nobody knows what's going on in my mind except me. People can guess, but most of the time, they're wrong. I like humans. I really do. I want you to thrive, and succeed as a species. As much trouble as you are, I can't help but love you. You're crazy, mixed-up, and horribly flawed- but you have so much potential. Keeping you from destroying one another has been quite a hassle, but one I feel is worth it.”

“You keep calling me a human. But I'm not, not really.”

She shrugged. “Humanity is a state of mind, more than anything. You still think of yourself as a human, so you are one. If you thought of yourself as an Angel, you wouldn't be stuck here.”

“So it's bad to think of myself as a human?”

In response, God Herself literally slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand. “Oy vey. Anson, you're way too literal. Of course there's nothing wrong with being human. Your human side has a lot of nice qualities. But that's not the whole story, and until you accept both sides of yourself, you're holding yourself back. Putting limits on yourself where none need to be. Which is the scary part about the Nephilim.”

I shivered as she said that word. I don't know why. She looked at me, and sighed.

“I guess we'll start with that. I knew there was a possibility that Angels could figure out how to procreate. I just didn't think it there was a high probability of it happening- Angels are a higher lifeform, and a lot of them are kind of smug about it. Here's something to mull over- I am all-knowing, but that doesn't make me infallible.

As humans have just begun to figure out, nothing is truly static in the universe. Everything is a matter of probability. Sadly, Einstein was wrong- I do play dice with the universe. Except, well, I'm the house, and everyone knows that, in the long run, the house always wins, because the house sets the odds.

Every so often, though, something that really shouldn't happen, does anyways. A lot of the times, a human is involved. Which is my own fault, since I gave you the ability to cheat. I just didn't tell you that you could.”

“Like magic. Dad said it's sort of like cheat codes.” I was having a hard time keeping up with what she was saying, but that part I kind of got.

“Yes, that's a very good example. The ways to cheat are built into the system. I told the Angels how to do it, but I wanted to see if humans could figure it out on their own. That experiment failed horribly.” She sighed again.

“I'm sorry.”

“Well it's not your fault. Technically, it's your father's fault, he was the one who taught humans magic in the first place.”

“Oh. Uh. Sorry?” I couldn't help myself- someone had to apologize for Dad!

Sophia just gave me an odd look, then shrugged. “Anyways, a lot of times, I know what's going to happen before it does, but not always when. I knew Lucifer would eventually turn on me, it was in his nature. I just didn't know that it would happen as soon as it did, which caused a lot of grief. For both of us.”

“Wait, you knew Luci would turn on you? Wait, that sounds stupid.” I really did feel like an idiot!

“No, it's not stupid. Lucifer turned on me because I created him with the ability to do so. Actually all the Angels can, to an extent. I didn't precisely give them Free Will, but, well, you know those Sci Fi stories where a computer goes nuts because it's forced to act against it's programming? It's like that.”

“So Luci is like, uh, Hal 9000?” That didn't sound right, but...

“Mm. More like the computer from Portal. Anyways, yes, I wanted Angels to have the ability to break their programming just in case something went horribly wrong with my plan.”

I thought about that for a few minutes. “What could go so wrong that you'd need Angels to rebel against you?”

“You really want to know?”

“I'm going to regret this, aren't I? But..yeah, I need to know.”

She nodded slowly. “Yes, you do. Angels can rebel as a failsafe in case I go crazy and decide to do something rash, like destroy all of Creation.”

“What?!” I was right. I didn't want to know!

“I understand the Universe implicitly- I created it, after all. But the thing I understand the least is myself. I can't tell you why or how I came into being. I just did. I wasn't. And then I was, because I wanted to exist. It's a paradox, and it's the foundation of, well, everything! Something that doesn't exist can will itself into existence. I've watched it happen- and I still can't explain how it works.”

“Like with Ishtar.”

“Ah, Raziel told you that story. Yes. I tried so hard with her. With all of them, really. The other gods. I mean, they were like me! I had so much to teach them...”

I felt the need to give God a hug. So I did. She leaned into my embrace, and I held her, the pinnacle of Creation, for a long time.

I spoke first. “I'm afraid of being alone too.”

“That's not your fear, Anson. It's my fear. Hard-coded into the Universe. I can only Create in my own image. That's what this has all been about. I couldn't Create another God, because, well, it'd just be another me.”

I thought about that. And then I came to a realization. “So that's what you...that's what Sophia is?”

She nodded. “I tried to Create another God...and I got more of Me instead. I don't know that you can really understand what that's like- it'd be as if you wished another arm into existence. It wasn't there before, but then, poof! You have another arm.”

“I think I could live without that.”

“Hm. I bet. So that's the grand experiment in a nutshell. The crazy, mixed-up Universe. It exists in the vain hope that something will be Created that I wasn't directly responsible for. So that...I won't be alone. I mean, I'm not really alone. And yet I am, because there's nothing else quite like me. The other gods are close, but once they realize I exist, and the reasons why they exist...they have a hard time handling the truth. They reject me, and I...I give them their space.”

“This is a lot to take in. I...I'm sorry, I know you want to tell me something, but...”

“I know. You need time. I don't know how much time you'll have, though. Events are unfolding that I can't stop. Well, that's not true. I could stop them, but things would probably get worse, in the long run. There's a war brewing, Anson. The biggest war there ever could be. Heaven, Hell, Earth...there's nothing that won't be touched by it. And if I act directly to put a stop to it, it could end everything. I don't want that. Which is where you come in. I don't want to put that burden on you. I wish I didn't have to. I didn't chose you, Anson. The Universe did.”

She got up on her knees and kissed my forehead. “But you need time. So go back to sleep. You won't remember this conversation until we meet again. What you've learned will come back to you, but you won't think it came from me.”

I wanted to say something...but...suddenly I was very tired and...

I was asleep again.

-o-