After being locked up for an indefinite sentence, parole from Gender Prison can be sweet, especially when two good friends start a trick and they have no idea about the girl within. Can Kerry survive outside and what will it really look like?

The possibility of staying in the old place was too hard, from senior management to floor sweeper - acting lower duties. It took five months from the dismissal but gradually leaving was the lesser pain option and we faded out the doors never to go back inside the place where we had been for seven years leaving behind friends and co-workers, well most of them.

The evening drinks
It had been several months since we had all been together and the chance to catch up was long overdue. The two girls arrived and we each exchanged hugs and kisses, at least they meant what they said, they also brought a couple of bottles of white and Janet had put a couple of her favourites in the fridge. Of course the dip and chips had been put out on the coffee table along with the now obligatory water to slow down the effects of alcohol. As they sat down on the lounge suite in the family room they each kicked off their shoes and settled in for the night. Feeling at home was so easy for them as they put their feet up on the furniture, grabbed a drink and some dip then wanted to know everything that we had done since the last time.

Many things had happened since Christmas when the year finished and Janet had ended her time as CEO. After 6 months all four of them had changed jobs and each wanted to avoid the gossip of last year’s activities preferring to move on rather than go back. It was always a great laugh when the girls started talking about what they were up to and remembered their misspent youth. The first empty bottle of Chenin Blanc was already under the table and they passed the chips around with laughter about the last dinner the staff had enjoyed.

As the second bottle was opened, Jane started talking about her new job and the variety of customers she had to look after each day, a diverse mix of society. Her job required her to assess tenants for a local real estate agent and decide if they posed any risk of loss. A list of risk areas had been compiled and used by the industry based on stats over many years. One of her clients this week had stretched her list due to his lifestyle and caused her to put the request on hold pending more investigation. Being the end of the week she still had not made any decision and had nowhere to go for help so she brought it up for discussion, what did they think would be the risk of letting a unit to a Transvestite. “How do you know he was a she?” asked Liz followed by “and what would it matter anyway” Jane started to talk about how good she looked and that it was a real shock when she was told during the rental interview. Neither girl knew a thing about Kerry nor the secret kept hidden from nearly everyone.

As the second bottle was put under the table a certain level of discomfort was being felt by Paul and Janet, they had not talked about this sort of thing with anyone, apart from counsellors, since last year. Jane would not let it go and mentioned the news last week about a beauty contest in San Francisco for transsexuals and such like, the winner was better looking than most of the girls she knew. Over the next few minutes all the girls could focus on was talk about who could get away with passing as a girl and laughing as they went through each of their friends and how ugly they would look. Suddenly they remembered the photo from work, the one of Paul as the damsel at the party and they both looked at Paul and roared with laughter.

Of course he had gotten away with it at the party and even with Janet by his side it still took quite a while for his friends to realise it was him. The look was classical fairy tale, the makeup more stage pantomime than day wear but the walk and mannerisms showed a woman inside and that was what confused many at the party. The gentle hand movements and slipping her shoe off as she sat in a group, the way she held her self and played with flicking her hair when she knew others were watching. All along she was playing the part and enjoying the thrill of the evening out.

The girls had started their next glass of white without even thinking about the water bottle on the table. Jane asked Paul about the evening and how he got away with it without feeling absolutely stupid or tripping up in the heels and long dress. Paul made a casual glance at Janet to see how she was handling the topic, if he was in trouble again, or if he had permission to talk. Seeing nothing like a stop sign he started to talk about the sheer fun of the entire project from choosing shoes to visiting op shops with Janet and especially the time it took to get the makeup applied. The outfit had been Janet’s choice found on the day of the party and nothing like what Paul had wanted to wear. He had chosen a more normal outfit, a tight red sweater and mid thigh black skirt and dark tights with 2” heels more in keeping with image of Kerry than a damsel.

A sudden glint in the eyes of Liz and Jane appeared and if either of the hosts had seen it they would have said good night and sent them home, but they missed it. Jane wanted to know if Paul had done anything like this before. Of course there had been a few “appearances” at church shows such as the belly dancer, the Italian mother with her two little gentlemen’s and the party of nuns but nothing as elaborate as the Damsel. “How about other times, surely you’ve done more than just church stuff” asked Liz as if there was more to find out. Paul felt trapped in a corner and began to shift in his seat trying to get away from the interrogation by the girls before getting into trouble with Janet. Sensing a startled deer in the headlights Jane laughed aloud and said “Okay spill the beans let us have the details”

There was no way Paul was going to talk about Kerry, even with his two favourite girls, Janet would kill him and show no mercy doing it either. Janet decided it was time for a toilet break and asked Paul to put the kettle on for coffee, which he did immediately allowing him to get out of the pressure zone. The girls simply poured another drink and sat back waiting for their hosts to return from the kitchen.

Jane had a work function coming up that was aimed at women investing in real estate which she was preparing for next weekend and Liz was asking about how many people she had attending when Paul sat down with some more crackers and dip. By the time Janet returned the conversation had moved on from the previous subject and she breathed easier, as did Paul. Liz had been engaged to cater for the seminar and had been asking about numbers when Jane mentioned that she needed another couple of people before she could make any commission from the event. “How about you coming Janet it will help me get the base commission” asked Jane and then turning to Paul said “and why don’t you come as well.” Paul had missed the seminar title when they started talking about it and thought it was simply an investment night so said yes without thinking. Liz giggled and asked what he would be wearing to the evening.

Jane thought carefully before speaking and then she sprang the trap “you will need to dress up for the evening otherwise you’ll standout like sore thumbs” she said looking at Paul. He didn’t understand the problem and said that it would not be an issue as he had a good wardrobe. Liz could not keep herself together and broke into hysterical chuckling as she fell on the sofa with images that combined the images of Damsel and the info about Paul’s preferred outfit. Sensing that something was wrong Janet asked what was so funny and what had they agreed to do at the seminar. The news was more shocking than she could imagine but before she could react Jane started her next stage. “I knew you wouldn’t do it, all talk and no action in your old age” she said as she looked at Paul, knowing how he could not let her win anything that looked like one upmanship.

This comment had changed the whole atmosphere and when Janet stood to make coffee for everyone Paul followed her into the kitchen. She looked at him hoping to find agreement that it was not going to happen but instead she saw the puppy dog eyes that stared back at her begging to be free. In the corner of his eyes she could also see the tears forming as he asked to be free, the year of obedience and humiliation from the sacking, the time of stress in their family and the awkwardness when TV shows had a theme of betrayal, all of it came to the front very easily and she saw some of the pain her husband had borne.

Deep in her cell, Kerry had heard the conversation and wandered where it was going to end never hoping what would happen. She could hear the keys of the cell door rattling as the steps got closer to her, closer and closer until they stopped just outside her cell. Her breathing stopped in expectation of the next step.

Janet simply kissed her husband and said “I don’t want to be hurt anymore but you have already been hurt so much more, you make the decision but be very gentle with me”. And the key went into the lock, it turned and the door swung open as Kerry looked out wondering how long it would last.

They returned to the family room carrying a tray of cups with milk and sugar and Janet carrying the plunger of coffee. The girls looked and as if to ask what the answer was going to be only to see the smile on Paul’s face and Janet nodded her agreement. Meanwhile Kerry was running around the room making lists in her mind ready for her first shopping trip, but she hadn’t orchestrated that yet. Jane laughed and looked at Liz with the look of surprise at what they had done, far more than she had even wanted to do.

Paul took control of the situation and started making a list of requirements, the first was for him to do the event without making it uncomfortable for Janet and more importantly it had to be done well so he did not appear as a guy in a dress. There would have to be a budget to cover the items they would need to do it right, secondly shopping time to get everything, and someone to help him shop. At this point Liz and Janet both said they had work on Saturday or kids to look after; only Jane had any time free due to her husband being away with her son at a school camp until Sunday night. They decided that it would be OK for Jane to take Paul shopping as long as they stuck to the budget and didn’t get carried away with shopping, Janet knew that Paul loved to shop with her and would always suggest far more than she needed as he chose outfits for her to try on.

The girls had decided that going home after four large glasses of wine was not a good idea so Liz called her home to say she was staying overnight only to find out that everyone was already in bed and they expected her to stay over at Janes place. Janet wanted to know what sort of gear Paul would need to blend in with the other girls as she only had limited formal wear and she was sure it would not fit Paul although he knew exactly what fitted him already. The style was expected to be more upmarket business than formal as these were investors and expected to dress the part. Jane suggested that they look at Janet's wardrobe to see if there was anything Paul could wear without making too much of a contrast, after all Janet was attending as well. Kerry ran out of the room into her favourite place, the closet, and waited for the rest to catch up. A quick flick through found a smart but slightly formal dark blue dress with see through panels if the light was just right, one of Janet's dresses that she no longer liked but Kerry loved. Making a casual glance at the dress told everyone that it would fit Paul as long as he wore a scarf around the neck to cover his Adam’s apple.

Returning to the family room Paul grabbed a piece of paper to make a shopping list, hardly needed as Kerry had made lists nearly every day in her cell just hoping for a time like this when she could get out shopping again. Gently, gently was the instruction from Janet and so Kerry took it slowly just naming a few basic items like shoes, makeup, stockings, bra etc. In her mind was a list of suitable shops where they could go and shop without trouble, but could it all be done on the next day with limited money, $200 was hardly enough for a girl to shop with let alone one that would take so much extra work.

So it was sealed, the girls would sleep over and in the morning Janet would go to work, Liz back to her family for the sports runs and Jane and Paul would go shopping for some basic items. The next day would be Kerry’s first day on parole and she had better behave or the cell door may be welded shut forever. Still she was out and too excited to sleep, everyone went to their various bedrooms as Janet and Paul got ready for bed in silence before turning off the light. Paul rolled over put his arm around Janet’s shoulders and gave her a hug as he kissed and thanked her for what she had given him, a gift of time as Kerry.

The house was awake at 7am as Janet had work and Kerry was still too excited to wait around so Paul was up preparing breakfast. For him, the normal yoghurt and black tea, no milk or carbs on his crash diet, the one he restarted today. The girls sat down to cereal and toast with orange juice and coffee, their heads still pounded and noise was everywhere this morning. Especially in Paul’s head as Kerry talked about the shopping trip and all of the nice things she wanted to buy, her list had grown over night unfortunately the budget had not.

It was decided that they would meet back at Jane’s house for tea tonight after the two of them had been shopping and it would be show and tell. Liz opted for a quick visit at around 7pm after the evening meal had been finished and the young kids put to bed. Janet would be there around 5.45pm after finishing work and she would pick up some more nibbles from the supermarket. All up a very easy plan to follow as long as everyone stuck to the agreement, except Kerry had not been present at the vote and anyway she had no intention of sticking to the rules. The table was cleared and they each headed out the door to work. Janet in her car and the girls, and Paul, in Jane’s car heading back to her place for a quick change of clothes and to drop Liz off in time for the sports taxi runs as she called it.

As the car pulled into Jane’s house she had a sudden thought about shoe sizes for Paul, they were almost the same height and close to the same body size. Paul and Liz sat down in the family room chatting as Jane went into her bedroom to get changed into shopping gear, returning very quickly with two pairs of shoes from her wardrobe. “Try these on for size” she said putting them on the table before leaving to continue changing. Liz told Paul to get his sneakers and socks off before putting on a nice pair of 2” heels in black. As soon as the shoes went on “Paul had left the building” leaving only Kerry instead to enjoy her time. She went to stand up carefully making sure her knees were together with her weight over her feet, straight up with no problem, a quick turn on the heel and a feeling of femininity that only comes from a good pair of heels. Kerry walked around the room remembering all the times she had practiced walking without falling or looking stupid. The times in Sydney and on country trips where the “shoes maketh the woman” and she so wanted to be a free woman.

By the time Jane walked back into the room Kerry was sitting down ready to try on the second pair, much higher than the first, white open toe sandals, with ankle straps. This time Liz and Jane expected Paul to have problems, not knowing that Kerry was in total control and loving every moment of it. Again she stood correctly, stepped forward turned and swung her arms out in joy as she repeated the parade towards the mirror in the hallway. Sometimes people can miss subtle hints about a person because they are not looking for them, and so it was with the girls, they missed Kerry totally.

Liz wanted to know how they felt on and if the size was close enough to use as a guide. Kerry knew that she would be wearing stockings for the seminar and mentioned it to the girls as if to ask if it would make any difference, still playing the dumb male. Jane quickly came back from her bedroom with a new packet of pantyhose and threw them at Paul with suggestion that he go to the bathroom and put them on so they got the right size in the shop. When he returned Liz had gone and Jane was holding the white pair and asked her to try them on again to make sure the size was right. This time the feeling was much better and as she stood with the jeans pulled up to knee height Jane realised her first challenge, hairy legs. Making a mental note to herself she grabbed her keys and headed for the door to go shopping, “come on then, lets shop” she said heading for the door. Paul quickly grabbed his sneakers and socks while heading to the car in the heels, seemed quite normal to Kerry as she sat in the car and swung her legs in. Jane just laughed and said “are you sure you haven’t done more of this?” Paul just told her to drive and not ask too many questions.

Where to from here? It was just 9am and some of the shops didn’t open until 10am on Saturdays so they headed into the local shopping area to see what was open. Kerry navigated very carefully to a small lingerie shop called The Lingerie Warehouse that she had used before, great prices and no hassle parking. Jane pulled up at the kerb just down the road from the shop “don’t you think you should swap shoes?” she asked Paul, “Oh, I almost forgot” he said sheepishly putting the sneakers back on. They walked up to the front door as the shop assistant, Lisa, was coming out front carrying a cup of tea, which she quickly put down as they came into the shop. Giving them the customary 15 seconds to get into the shop she approached and asked how she could help them today. They hadn’t thought about the story line and it showed as they made up whatever came to their minds first and spat it out settling on “we are here to find a gift for a special friend of ours”. Well it was sought of true and that gave them opportunity to talk about her in the third person in front of the sale person. Lisa must have seen the funny looks between the two and the stunned mullet look on their faces knowing they had been sprung.

They asked for time to browse before wanting help and headed off to the matching bra and knickers sets at one end of the shop. Kerry picked up a nice dark blue set and a very sexy white, silky shiny set in the same size they continued to walk around looking for something special. Kerry found the matching Garter belt in white and picked it up with a determination that said “it’s mine again” and headed off to the front of the shop in search of more specials. Lisa had been watching the customers from a distance and noticed that it was Kerry that was doing all of the selecting rather than Jane. She waited before approaching Kerry to be of assistance in finding the something special that she wanted. “Has your friend tried on a corset before?” she asked Kerry as she headed to the front of the display area and retrieved a gorgeous dark blue satin corset with six garter clips and a heavy duty cord for reducing the waist. Kerry’s eyes lit up as she saw the item most desired in her circle of friends but normally so expensive as to make it a one off purchase.

At this point Lisa knew exactly who she was serving and what was required to make the sale, the look on Kerry’s face was the clearest indicator of this. “We have a special area out back if you would like to try it on” she said still partly guessing but before Kerry could answer the curtain was being opened. It turns out the firm had imported them from China as a test batch but was having no luck in convincing local girls to try them, with summer temperatures sitting around 35 to 40 degrees C it was no small wonder that normal girls would avoid them. Instead they had chosen to quit the stock at cost hence a price of $45 rather than the normal retail price of $245, Paul made a mental note about profit mark-up in the industry. Suddenly it dawned on Jane what was happening and she raced over to check on Paul. Lisa turned to Jane and started to explain that her store was hoping to be T-friendly and they had setup a special area for privacy. While not understanding what that totally meant Jane did see the need for privacy in a fitting area although she could see Paul was loving every minute of it.

Lisa asked Kerry to remove her jumper and undo the jeans she had on as the fitting had to be just right, a quick measure, a few seconds wait and Lisa returned with the right size garment. She asked Kerry to let go of her jeans and turn around as she placed it on her front, at this point blind Freddy would have seen the pantyhose that Kerry had on under the jeans. Lisa then politely just reached around to the back of the corset to start lacing it up, loose at first then tighter as she pulled against each of the hooks working her way towards the middle doing the same from the bottom. It took several minutes of re-tensioning to get the desired shape but as they stood back and looked in the mirror the typical hourglass shape was clearly visible to all three of them. Breathing was harder than Kerry had expected but nothing had prepared her for the look it achieved and the feel of the garment. Instantly she said “I’ll take it” and asked Lisa to cut the price tags off as she would wear it for the rest of the mornings shopping trip to help with sizing, of course.

Knowing that the shop was T-friendly allowed Kerry to ask if there was anything else that she should be looking at today before they left. The shop was new and was only just getting known in the T-community but they had some gaffs and padded briefs coming in on Monday if Kerry wanted to return later in the week. Kerry picked up a selection of pantyhose and stockings, some dark black, some skin tone but also a pair of very fine denier thigh high stay ups. Selecting a control brief in skin tone and a size smaller than normal she headed back into the cubicle, put the briefs on under the pantyhose and made sure everything was tucked away properly. Discarding the plain old garter belt in place of the corset, they headed for the cashiers till and promised to return on Thursday night. Walking out of the shop carrying a bag of clothes that had only been dreamt about for the last year made Kerry very happy and lightened her step as they headed towards the car.

As the bag was placed into the boot of the car they saw a roadside sign declaring two for the price of one, a sign that attracts any girl with shopping on her mind and money in her purse, another mental note to get a good purse. When they got closer it was clearly a shoe shop and while Jane had thought of lending Paul some of hers she could not resist looking inside for her own bargain. Again the shop was empty and had only opened at 9:30 due to winter trading and the bad weather during the week.

As both customers looked in different areas Kerry found a pair of patent Black 2.5” heels that screamed out her name as she picked them up. Being much braver than she thought possible she turned to the young sales girl and asked for a size 10. As the shoes were brought out she handed them to Jane expecting her to try them on, who handed them over to Paul. The young girl was stunned and just waited to see what would happen, by then Kerry had her sneakers off and showing her stockinged feet proceeded to put the shoes on and walk around to the mirror. At this point the girl realised that a sale could be lost if she made any negative comment and instead chose to mention the two for one special and ask if there was anything else either person required. Jane decide that she would have a pair of the shoes as well in the same size before Kerry could say that she would choose another pair. “Why don’t you both buy another pair” said the sales girl half laughing. Neither customer thought it was a silly idea and headed off to find something special at no extra cost, Kerry heading for the strappy 3” numbers on display in deep burgundy with narrow heels. This was far more out there than she had ever hoped for but since Jane was responsible for starting it Kerry was not going to stop. A few minutes later both girls walked out with 2 pairs each and had left a very surprised young sales person with a story to tell down at the pub after work.

After loading the bags into the car boot they drove off to the heart of the shopping area and found a public parking station close to most of the shops. Walking down the street Jane spotted a piercing shop and asked Paul about having his ears done, something that Janet had been mentioning for many months to make him look younger. Janet had only one earring in mind not two and Paul was certain that his employer would not be too happy with two earrings let alone one so nothing had happened. Dragging Paul inside Jane asked about how they could disguise earrings from an employer with medieval practices. The answer was surprisingly simple, a plastic insert that was skin coloured and would only be visible if the boss got really close, something that had never happened in Paul’s time at work.

The decision was hard to make so Jane did it for him and asked the operator for the cost of studs and inserts, before pushing Paul into the chair. Being big and brave meant that Paul had to just sit and take it while inside he had a fear of pain and loathed being manhandled into submission, even by a woman. The pain was as bad as he had heard and the shock left him slightly shaking, Kerry on the other hand, started to think about the range of earrings she could now wear and when she could try them on. The operator showed Paul how to remove one set and insert the blanks for work saying that if he did it quickly enough the hole would not close over, contrary to popular myth. So the deal had been done and with small CZ diamond studs in each ear they headed out of the shop.

Across the road were the local markets, a great place to buy trinkets and jewellery as well as fruit and veg on a weekend. As they entered the marketplace the smell of fresh coffee beans wafted across their noses and drew them into a food area. Jane thought that it would be good to just look around before coming back for coffee and cake. As they walked around they found a stall displaying hand made items of jewellery, rings bangles, necklaces, all at very reasonable prices so they stopped and started to go through the bargains while people moved all around them doing the weekly shopping and sightseers on day trips looking for bargains to take back home. Jane picked up a couple of rings and showed Paul, who was more intent on a really nice chain and pendant in the shape of two hearts and a K in the middle. After some haggling over price the pair walked away with 2 rings, a cheap ladies watch, and of course the “Special K” necklace. Kerry wanted a leg chain as well but was not game to show her legs in such a public place.

Coffee time was declared and the two headed off to take some time out from shopping. Paul did the expected thing and brought the coffees and a single piece of cake over to a small table on the outside of the café away from the busy traffic and noise of the market. Both took time to inspect the crowd as they walked by before Jane started asking Paul about what she had seen this morning and how he had been acting. The concept of being transgendered was still unknown to Jane but she could tell that Paul had more to tell so she asked how it had got started. Common questions and ones that had been pondered over for many a counselling session over the year since the outing. Paul talked about how he felt and the pain of dismissal and feelings of betrayal to his wife. But Jane wanted to know about the female side and what it was like, what she thought about the last year and the chance of going out again.

Over the next hour Kerry visited Jane and talked about the hurt, the loneliness, the joy of being free, and the fun of shopping for her own clothes but most of all she just talked about enjoying her self away from the cell. Slowly Jane saw a difference in Paul that she had never seen before, the quieter less aggressive side, the gentle caring side that had been hidden in the harsh reality of his old workplace. She thought about the Lingerie shop and the delight at buying the corset, the shoe shop and joy of shopping, his poise at wearing heels and the change in his mannerisms as the morning had progressed. "I guess that I won't be able to call you Paul if you go much further" Jane said not expecting the answer from Kerry "suppose you could call me Kerry, but only when I am in female mode please." When Kerry had finished talking it was nearly mid day and she knew that one shop in particular would be closing at 1pm.

They left the marketplace and headed back to the car by way of the local David Jones Store, a high quality store with a sense of feminism that other stores rarely achieved or even looked for. The DJ girls spoke quality and feminine in the same sentence as sexiness and confidence. A totally feminine place where luxury ruled and even window shopping required you to be dressed the part. As they walked through the ladies wear section Kerry picked up a burgundy coloured sweater with small rolled collar and tapered sides. At the same time Jane had picked up a very sexy black lined skirt that had a slit up the back and by her guess would be about three inches above her knee. The pair would look great together but at around $160 it would not fit into the budget. Such are the trials of a girl on a budget and they left the store, paid their parking ticket and headed for the car.

As they drove down the highway to the next shop Kerry started to ask how Jane was handling the day and the things they had talked about back in the café. She was obviously very moved by some of the things she found out about but didn’t see it as being a problem in their relationship. The shop was further away than Kerry realised and they only made it into the parking area at 12:45 that would allow them only 15 minutes to get the makeup before the shop closed. One of the sales girls inside the store was serving clients so Kerry quickly found the area of the shop she needed and moved away from other people. As they looked at the variety of makeup on offer the sales girl approached asking how she could help them today and politely informing them of the 1pm closing time. Kerry started by telling her that the task was to allow Paul to do a fancy dress party without being too camp and that beard concealer and foundation would be a good starting point. At this point the girl said that she would get the other salesperson who would be far more helpful than she could be in this area. After a few minutes Kate came over, introduced herself and asked what level of makeup they needed to have. Kate looked at Paul and after a few moments spoke directly to her saying “what is your femme name?” And without pausing Kerry introduced herself with a friendly gentle handshake and a nod of her head. Over the next few minutes the events of the previous night were replayed and the goal of blending into a corporate investor meeting was explained.

Turning to Jane, Kate asked her what she saw when she looked at Kerry, the answer being very surprising to Kerry and Kate, “Gentleness, concern for others, beauty and also hope” were her answers. “And what do you think about the transgender community in general?” asked Kate before turning to Kerry and winking, the type that said, now we get the truth. Jane had to think about that one especially after the client in the office last week. “I’m beginning to see a totally different point of view lately” she said, “one that makes me see people rather than misfits”. Kate looked directly at Jane and told her that “as a member of that community that makes me feel happy” and just smiled, much to Jane’s surprise.

The other sales person had finished closing the front of the shop, turned the front lights off and came back to say good bye, she had a date that could not wait and she knew it would be a long session for Kate. As Kate turned to Kerry she told her to remove her jumper and put on the makeup gown and get ready for a crash course in makeup skills. As Kate saw the dark blue corset she complemented Kerry on such a gorgeous garment and couldn’t help but ask where it came from. Jane suddenly decided that the session could be longer than she expected and picked up the car keys promising to return within the hour. As she left by the rear door, Kate had collected several sample pots from the display racks and some from out back as well. She moved the mirrors so Kerry could clearly see what was being done and turned on a small set of white lights to give a consistent white light.

Starting with beard cover and moving to blending techniques she showed how to make the maleness disappear into a neutral face. Applying foundation in a shade lighter around the eyes and skin tone around the chin and cheek bones brought colour back into the face. The eyes came next and she talked to Kerry about how different times of the day required different style of eye design and that could be added on as the day progressed by using liner and darker shadow colours. While Kerry had read about this she had never had anyone really explain it to her and her own practices normally went overboard so she watched intently as Kate went to work. The changes started to transform her face and Paul was quickly vanishing and Kerry was coming out more and more. The mascara and shadow had been completed as Kate took the powder and dusted the face that was being formed in front of her. Taking an outline pencil she framed the lips, filled with colour and then applied a glossy coat that looked like it was dripping with moisture.

As Kate stood back she pointed out some things that Kerry could to do to reduce the eye browse and increase the softness of her face, a brush of colour to the cheeks and it was like lights had come on. Kerry was caught staring at her image in the mirror as Kate came back from the kitchen with a spray bottle and her hair dryer, “just happened to have them at work, we’re going out tonight” she said. Spraying the water and then brushing into a different style she quickly changed the hairstyle and look of Kerry, Paul’s hair was already longer than normal as Janet had been complaining for the last four weeks about having a hair cut. A shot of hot air, clip on hair piece and a few minutes later Kerry was totally different, with longer hair and a clip in her hair the old face had vanished without a sign.

The hour had passed very quickly as Jane rang the back door bell, Kate stood and went to let her in as Kerry turned around on the seat so her back was facing the door. When she could hear the foot steps behind her she turned around to face Jane who was holding a collection of shopping bags. The look on her face was priceless, the mouth open and not a sound coming out, the first time Kerry had seen this from Jane. “What do think about the new girl?” asked Kate standing back watching the interaction. Kerry stood and flicked her hair as she looked into the mirror again; admiring the work Kate had done in just over an hour.

Jane recovered enough to remember what she had in the bags and told Kerry to sit back down and handed her the first bag, a DJ bag. “I just couldn’t let you do all this without looking your best” she said, as Kerry opened the bag she squealed with joy. Inside was the sweater and skirt they had been looking at, “my gift to you — girlfriend” as she leaned forward and gave Kerry a hug being careful not to damage the new face. Jane asked Kate if there was any problem with Kerry changing in the store room before leading her in with the other bags.

A few minutes later Kerry had put on dark pantyhose, the sweater and skirt and the jewellery they had brought in the marketplace, unwrapping the burgundy shoes she sat down and slid her feet into each of them. Turning to the mirror she hung the chain around her neck and linked the chain of the “special K” necklace, it sat neatly on her sweater and moved as she moved. It was then that she reached into the bag and pulled out the last gift, a pair of chandelier earrings, large and shiny, just the thing she wanted. Knowing that pain was not her friend made her cautious but the expectation of beauty made her want to put them on and so she overcame the fear and swapped the studs for her other gift.

Emerging from the store room she paused for a few moments before swirling around and raising her arms to the cheers and whistles of Jane and Kate. Kerry had not felt like this for a long time and this was going to be her time and she wanted to enjoy every moment of it. The transformation had been quick and it was hard to spot any resemblance to the original model, Paul had not been seen for a long time. Again Jane gave Kerry a hug as she shook her head in unbelief and took time to look at the girl that she helped set free. By now it was close to 2.30pm and she knew that there was more to do before tonight so she started to gather up the old clothes and stuff them into a shopping bag before Kerry could grab them. Kerry looked in horror as she saw the safe clothing vanish so quickly, “You may as well start the part today” she told Kerry while heading for the back door.

Kate had brought not only the makeup she used but some samples as well and put them in a bag for Kerry next to the till. She picked up a set of “Invisible Bra” size C and suggested that Kerry slip them into her corset top to make a slightly larger impression. Again the changes added subtly to the overall look of the new girl and gave more confidence to a girl that was growing every moment in grace and comfort. The total was very reasonable and Kate refused to take anything for the makeup session saying it was her contribution to help set a girl free.

As they drove away from the shop Jane still found it hard to believe the changes both physically and emotionally that Kerry was undergoing. Driving along the highway the chatter was girl talk as Kerry took the chance to thank Jane again for all the things she had done to help her especially the outfit. Jane couldn’t help but smile as she turned into a café car parking area and turned the car off. “Come on lets have some lunch, I’m starved” she said getting out of the car and heading for the door. Kerry froze knowing that this was a threat to her state of euphoria, had they been just telling lies, did she really look good or was it all a dream?

Only one way to find out, she opened the door and swung her legs out, knees together so she didn’t flash anyone, and eased herself out of the car. A quick look into the cafe told her that only a hand full of people were inside and a couple more sitting outside due to the weather. She stepped carefully towards Jane who had slowed down to allow her to catch-up before entering the café; they linked arms and stepped towards the café. As they entered they saw a couple of guys watching them and a group of middle aged women who casually glanced over and then went back to their cakes and coffee.

Kerry found a table near the window and Jane ordered coffees and sandwiches for them both then sat down beside a very nervous Kerry on her first day out for over a year. Using the old window reflection method she checked out what was happening around her, absolutely nothing, no laughing, no people rolling around on the floor pointing at her. As the coffees arrived the café door opened and Lisa from the lingerie shop walked in and looked over to see Jane and nodded recognising her from the morning. After ordering she came over to say hello but stopped as she saw Kerry sitting there and introduced herself, not recognising her. Kerry held out her hand, and said “I know we met this morning in your shop, you sold me the corset, remember me now?”

Lisa pulled up a chair and without taking her eyes off Kerry she sat down. While she waited for her coffee she had so many questions but could only say how good Kerry looked and repeated how she had no idea it was the same person. It took nearly ten minutes to replay the days shopping and all of the things they bought along with the different responses at each shop. Lisa picked up her take away coffee, said her goodbyes and left still shaking her head at the change in Kerry. The girls just smiled at each other with Jane saying “told you that you could do it, so what about Saturday, still game for the seminar?”

Kerry glanced at her watch, downed the last mouthful of coffee and stood up to go, “come on there is still another 90 minutes of shopping we can do” as she headed for the door. Jane was caught by surprise and gulped one more mouthful of coffee and raced after her. “I really want to buy another skirt from one of the boutiques in the main street, after all it’s seven days until the seminar” Jane didn’t understand what she meant but never the less jumped in the car and pulled out into the traffic heading towards the main street parking station. They parked close to the shop, got a parking ticket and went straight into the little shop. Kerry had already seen what she wanted in the window earlier that day and it was only a matter of getting the size right, “why can’t they make clothes the correct size rather than each manufacturer changing them, men’s gear is always correct” he thought.

A few minutes later and they had gone into the changing rooms and Kerry swapped the black skirt for the longer knee length grey that she wanted. It hung well, showed just enough leg, was lined so it felt great on her legs and most of all it was on special. Leaving her black skirt in the room she headed back into the shop for a suitable top or something, not quite sure what would look right for the image she wanted. As they looked around the other women just ignored them and went about their own shopping. Jane picked up a beautifully soft sapphire blue jumper, large rolled collar long arms and oh yes so soft. Kerry went back into the changing room and carefully took off her burgundy sweater and put on the sapphire one, it felt so good and gave Kerry the image she wanted, smart, business like but also casual enough to wear out anywhere.

While Kerry was trying on the jumper Jane had chosen a few more bits for her to look at, a pair of black slacks, a white silk blouse and a black jacket. The combination was definitely Office Wear but could have been mixed with the black skirt or burgundy sweater and slacks for more options, she liked the idea. Then the problem that all girls have, the budget would only allow for the jumper and possibly the slacks but not all five items and that meant the mix and match would not work. Dilemmas, dilemmas what could she do, oh well she thought I’ll just have to try the puppy dog eyes again and went over to the sales girl. They had winter specials running but the prices had already been reduced and the best she could do would be a further 15% if she bought all five items and paid in cash. Done, and a few minutes later they headed out of the door with two more bags and a cash docket crumpled up and thrown into the waste bin.

Kerry swung the bags as she strolled down the street taking time to look at each of the windows as if searching for something else to buy. Jane stopped her and asked “surely you can’t be after more things, Janet will kill you” Kerry simply replied “window shopping doesn’t cost unless you go into the shop”, and Jane understood that Kerry knew the pleasure of shopping without having to buy anything. They casually walked, talked and as they came to the end of the main shopping area they just crossed the road and worked their way back on the other side of the road.

Jane remembered that she had to provide the meal tonight and entered a small supermarket to buy some groceries while Kerry continued to window shop. By the time Jane got out Kerry had only moved two shops but another bag had appeared, a black handbag with small silver design on the flap and a shoulder strap hung from her shoulder. She smiled at Jane and made some typical comment like “I had no where to put my hanky and mobile phone” just sheepishly laughing, knowing that it always worked on Paul. With Jane back alongside her the urge to shop was controlled until they validated the ticket and went back into the parking station and then the drive home.

To be continued.... Kerry unveiled

A full day of shopping and being free from the prison cell comes to an end, how will others see Kerry, will parole end as quickly as it started and can Kerry be kept under control? These and more insights into how the one within gets released from Gender Prison.

As we are liberated
from our own fear,
our presence automatically
liberates others.

--Nelson Mandela
{1994 Inaugural Speech}

Kerry asked if she could drive for a while, getting into the car was easy, she had practice doing this in a skirt but driving in heels took some time. The car moved as if a learner was driving rather than a person with 30 years experience, but she got out onto the street and soon it felt quite normal to her. “Just need to stop back home and pick some things up” she said as she drove onto her estate and then into the drive way of her house. “Oh poo, the neighbours are out having drinks again”, a typical event after the guys had finished mowing their lawns, they stood around and talked about the week and admired their gardens. This was something that Paul had never done or been invited to. Kerry pulled up to the house, took a deep breath and swung her legs out of the car; knees together straightened her skirt and went around to the front door leaving Jane to follow in her own time. Unlocking the front door she knew that the “Neighbourhood Watch” was watching with interest and there was not a single thing she could do except wave and smile.

Getting into the safety of the house she breathed again and let out a laugh as Jane came inside and started to tell her what the guys had been talking about. It seems they were more taken by her looks than the fact she was not the normal owner of the house. So much for neighbour safety. Kerry told Jane to take a seat and she would only be a few minutes as she went into the bedroom and slowly took off her clothes and went for the en-suite. Five o’clock shadow was poking through the layer of beard concealer and she knew it needed repairing before the night time show and tell. A quick shave and a look into the mirror, half man half woman, now what? Kerry called for Jane to pour herself a drink while she finished off getting ready.

Kerry opened the bag of makeup that Kate had put together and arranged everything out on the shelf, where to start, concealer, foundation, blend, “okay, I can do this” she said to herself. After all it was only a repair job not a full blown makeover. A few minutes later and forcing herself to remember Kate’s comments that less was better than too much she had the basic face coming back to her. Eyes, what had Kate told her to do for evenings, more liner, and longer stroke on the bottom, careful not to make them join up. Eye shadow, just increase the colour a shade or two, not over the top just make sure it stood out in the darker lighting. A brush of blush on her cheeks and then onto the lips, outlined and filled with a dark red, then the wonderful wet looking glossy coat, just to make them look kissable, and she was nearly there. A brush of her hair, put the earrings back on, ouch, more pain and hurt. Kerry quickly got dressed back into the burgundy sweater and black skirt, this time making sure the bra inserts had been seated properly and filled with some more padding to give a true C cup image.

Walking back into the family room she stopped and checked herself in the hallway mirror, it was the first time she had taken time to really check herself out. The tears came into her eyes as the pain of the last year impacted on her, the feelings of loss and tension in the marriage; it all came back as she stared into the mirror. Jane just sat there and watched not wanting to disturb the moment, but she could not help but see the pain in Kerry’s eyes and it affected her own composure. As Kerry stood there Jane quietly stood up, came over and put her arms around her without saying anything she just let her cry silently. Kerry shook herself and turned away again feeling roar with the pain of last year.

They turned back into the family room and picked up the glasses of wine Jane had poured for them both. Her eyes were red and still a little bit wet as she drank a few sips of the wine before composing herself enough to talk, or so she thought. The voice was weak and shaky; it trailed off as she spoke so she took her time. Kerry started to tell Jane about the pain of the last year in details that she had never even imagined, the confusion, the brutality and most of all the isolation she had felt as everyone else told her what to do and it appeared that no one actually asked how she was going. It was assumed that Paul would just be “healed” and that would be the end of it, nice and neat and clean, never to come back. Of course Kerry had only been locked away not killed, solitary confinement rather than death. Jane again understood some of the things that had made Kerry the person she was and could not help but feel the pain as well.

The mobile phone rang, it was Janet asking about the night’s activities and saying that the sessions had all gone over time and that she would be at Jane’s house in around 60 minutes. The tears had left some marks so while Jane tidied up Kerry repaired her face again and placed the makeup into her makeup bag. Just a tad more lippy and they were ready to go. Just one problem the guys had not gone inside yet so it meant not only walking out to the car but also having to reverse in front of them and they would get a closer view. Still it had to be done and they had not laughed at the first sight of Kerry so why should they this time. What Kerry had not realised was the impact her extra makeup made on her looks and the guys had no trouble spotting the difference. It would keep them wondering for a long time as Kerry pulled out of the driveway waved to them both and accelerated down the road.

It was only a short drive to Jane’s house and this time it was in silence, neither wanting to talk much about what had just happened. When they got there they parked inside the garage and walked into the house through the security door without going outside, another mental note — get the price of the remote garage door. This time Kerry and Jane took with them all of the shopping from the boot of the car and the food for the evening meal. Jane told Kerry to put the clothes in the guest bedroom so she could dress up and come out with each outfit one at a time. As they sat there with Jane buffing and then painting her nails Kerry asked about how to introduce Janet to Kerry. Kerry was apprehensive about Janet seeing her for the first time but knew that this was the best she had ever looked and it would be the best chance of convincing her to relax with the whole thing. Still the nerves increased as the time got shorter, they discussed how to introduce Kerry and decide that she would simply sit in the kitchen on a stool with a glass of wine. They thought about saying she was another friend or a neighbour but decided to just let it happen in a relaxed way without any pretence. Still the nerves started to show on Kerry and she had another drink, probably not the best idea given the food they hadn’t eaten all day.

The door bell rang, it must be Janet, Jane walked to the door and came back with Liz instead. Liz came into the room and stopped dead in front of Kerry. “Wow, if I didn’t know you were going to be here I would have introduced myself” she said sitting next to her on a stool, “by the way dear, please call me Kerry” she told Liz. Jane smiled at Kerry and asked Liz “what do you think Janet will say?” as she continued to make the evening meal. Liz was still trying to take in all of the things she saw in front of her to answer immediately, she was stunned by the transformation from the person she had known for 4 years into the woman sitting on the other stool. “Janet will freak out at this, it is far more than I expected you to do today and this is supposed to be her husband sitting here” Liz said quite concerned at the possible effect on Janet. She then added “I suggest that you soften the blow before she sees Paul”, Jane thought that would be a good idea and decided to take the blame for going overboard, even if it was Kerry’s doing. The door bell rang again, this time it had to be Janet so Jane closed the kitchen door behind her as she went to let her in. Kerry and Liz sat there nervously waiting for the kitchen door to open, a few minutes later the door opened and Janet cautiously stuck her head into the kitchen followed by Jane.

It had taken Janet a long time to see Kerry, she had never asked about how she looked or dressed during the trouble last year or since, this was totally different to the image in her mind, totally. Liz and Jane moved out of the way to give them space and as they moved so did Kerry, she stood up slowly turned around, looked at Janet and asked “Would you like to meet Kerry?” This threw Janet slightly so Kerry asked if the outfit she was wearing was acceptable to Janet knowing her taste in clothes was different to Kerry’s. Again she had trouble answering; Janet just looked and starred at her with her mouth open unable to speak but with hundreds of thoughts racing through her head. “Yes I would like to meet Kerry, I should have done that ages ago” she said moving closer until she was face to face. Kerry bent down slightly, since Janet was nine inches shorter and Kerry was in heels as well which made it nearly a foot difference, and kissed Janet gently. “Thank you for allowing me to come out, it was really hard being locked away for so long” Kerry said quietly hoping to break the tension. Jane and Liz had come closer, Jane had a glass of wine for Janet and Kerry; she raised her glass and said “a toast to our new friend, Kerry”. Janet took a large gulp and sat down on the stool, still starring at Kerry.

Jane had decided that the best way to help was to drive the conversation and let Janet take it all in as it happened, something that would prove to be a good decision. Jane started the story from the beginning at her house and went through each of the events of the day and at every step referred to Kerry as “she” or “Kerry”, a sign that she had also accepted her for what she was. Janet just sat there watching how Kerry moved and looked, partly hearing the story and partly missing some. At one point she saw the earrings and reached out to touch them and find out if they were clip-ons rather than pierced. Janet also reached out and held Kerry’s hands as Jane continued the tale of Kerry’s first shopping day in fine detail, not forgetting to mention how each person had interacted with Kerry.

At the end of the story there wasn’t much missing that could be said, it was as if the girls went out on a normal shopping day and had some time to chat and drink coffee. Kerry again stood up and turned around in front of the three girls “am I suitably dressed to not embarrass you?” she said looking at Janet. The surprise was when Janet started to speak “the problem is that you look too good to be true, what am I going to wear now?” she said. Kerry was quick off the mark and replied “we could go shopping for you on Sunday, after all that will solve the budget issue if you get to spend as well.”

Jane grabbed Kerry and pushed her into the guest room, then turned to Liz and Janet saying that the show and tell still had more to offer. A few minutes later Kerry came out with the black slacks, white silk blouse and black jacket with the handbag over her shoulder and the pair of black shoes. Her hair was pushed to one side as she sat down on the stool and very delicately picked up her wine glass and sipped. Liz was the first to move this time and wanted to know where she had brought it from and how much. As Kerry and Liz talked about it Janet could not help but see the change in the way Kerry responded to Liz, just one of the girls telling another girl where to get a bargain. Janet noticed that the shoes had changed as well and started to wonder how much Kerry had spent but decided against asking yet. Back into the guest room for a few more minutes before emerging with the grey skirt, sapphire jumper and black shoes, this time the special K bracelet was on the outside of the jumper and sparkled as she moved. Once again she looked the part of the casual but smart girl that she always wanted to be, well dressed and ready to be taken out at any moment. So they did.

Jane put her cooking things down and turned to Janet and asked her “would you have any problems if we went out for tea tonight?” Kerry just looked at Janet and waited for the response; this was not planned and was just a little bit threatening for her. Janet nearly choked on her wine as she heard the plan, as good as she thought Kerry looked it was another thing to be seen outside with her, even if she had agreed to the seminar on Saturday. Liz said that she had to make a call to get the kids picked up for tea and then she could see about coming as well. Jane took Janet aside sat her down and asked why she had hesitations in going out with Kerry. Janet could not think of a good idea, but fear doesn’t require logic or good reason it works by itself and convinces you that it is right and all other arguments are false. Jane pointed to Kerry sitting on the stool and said “I have no issue in being seen with this girl, I have done it all day and seen how people related to her, only once was there any issue and that was before the makeover.” Janet continued to look at Kerry and tried to understand her own doubts and fears, she wanted to go out and loved spending time with the girls but this could hurt her. Liz returned to the room and said that everything had been arranged as long as she was home before 10pm, just 4 hours for dinner and whatever.

Kerry made a move towards them and suggested dinner and a movie deal in the main street, quick easy and relatively cheap, especially after her shopping trip today. She turned quickly went into the guest room and came out wearing the black skirt, burgundy sweater and black jacket over the top with her handbag over the shoulder. “Come on I’m all dressed up and no where to go, lets at least go and get some food before the wine takes it’s toll on all of us” she said picking up the keys from the bench. Jane and Liz stood ready to go and waited for Janet to get off the couch, it really was more than she had thought of last night. Seeing Kerry at the door and the others waiting probably pushed her along but she needed it to get over the shock. Kerry threw the keys to Jane and said it was her time to drive; they would sit in the back. It was then that Kerry realised that holding hands with Janet outside would not be appropriate and really cause some confusion in her mind so decided against it.

The drive only took ten minutes as they used the same parking station as they did this morning when they went shopping. Down at street level they walked past the shop where they had bought the grey skirt, slacks, jacket and sapphire jumper. Kerry took time to show everyone so they all looked through the window at the display which had changed since the shop closed, it now had some lovely casual dresses and colourful tops in a stretch cotton look. Just the thing for the spring season that was approaching, they each made mental notes to return and check it out. The cinema was next door to a lovely Italian pizza and pasta joint that had only a few dozen people inside, just the place to eat and enjoy the time without too much noise. Jane and Liz went off to the cinema to check on the movie list and times as Janet and Kerry requested a table for four and waited for the girls to return. Janet just looked at Kerry as she enjoyed the atmosphere and looked around at all of the clients in the restaurant not sure why Kerry looked so happy. She leaned closer and said “why does this make you feel so happy, I haven’t seen you like this for ages”. Kerry stopped looking around and focussed on Janet “because I haven’t been myself for over a year now” a hint of pain in her voice.

Jane and Liz returned with tickets to a movie called “Transamerica” and put them in her bag for safe keeping, Janet had no idea but Kerry knew exactly what the movie was about and smiled at Jane knowingly. They ordered a couple of pasta dishes, garlic bread, a large salad and water; after all they had drunk a lot of wine last night and some tonight already. Janet started to feel uncomfortable and began looking around at each of the tables filled with customers eating and talking, drinking and laughing, but none of them starring at Kerry or the other girls. She was invisible apart from the occasional glance as new customers entered and sat down to order and this really made Janet feel better, the chance of pain seemed minimal. Over the meal she started to relax and even called her Kerry when asking for the food to be handed over or more water, or even in the small talk about shopping. All too soon the meal was finished and they had to get ready for the movie next door, so paying the bill they left without any questions being asked.

As they walked into the foyer of the cinema Jane mentioned that a toilet trip was needed and to wait for her. Panic, fear, dread, hot sweats, all at once as Kerry decided she needed to go as well and there was only one room she could go to without causing a major disruption in the place, the LADIES. As girls do they simply walked in did what they had to and stood at the mirror to fix their makeup, quite normal for most girls except one of them was definitely not one of the normal girls, there again the movie was called “Transmerica”. Liz had dragged Janet over to the sweet counter for popcorn and coke in an attempt to divert the tension. When the other two returned from the loos it was time to go in and find a seat in the dark away from the people coming into the foyer for the other movies. The movie was average, a typical “tranny finds lost son, finds peace before the operation movie” but it would pose some opportunity for discussion later.

As the movie finished they decided a coffee would be essential before going home, so they headed down to one of the local coffee shops. By this time on a Saturday night it had started to get busy and table space was a premium, they managed to get a table in the back corner away from passing foot traffic but no way of escape if anything happened. Janet ordered the drinks and came back a few minutes later with a smile on her face. It seems that a couple of likely lads had been watching the girls as they walked in and had been talking loud enough for her to hear what they said. Liz wanted to know what they thought about Kerry; Janet just chuckled and said something about “not bad looking for an older woman”. Kerry looked over and saw that the lads were only about 19 years old so she didn’t feel too bad about the age comment but quietly chuffed about the rest of their comment. When the drinks arrived they sat there talking about the day, the movie, the changes they had seen and how they each needed to adjust their thinking. As the time approached 10:30pm Liz decided that she really needed to be home so they finished their drinks and walked back out onto the main street heading to the car parking station.

When they got back to Janes place she opened the door and let Kerry go in and fetch her shopping bags from the guest room. As Kerry came back to the front door with her arms full, Janet had already opened the car doors to go home, a clear sign of her tiredness and also that Kerry should hurry up. She stopped next to Jane, put the bags on the ground and gave Jane a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Thankyou for everything today, I had a ball and you made everything so easy for me, I really love the outfit you bought for me as well”. Jane gave her a kiss back and said “anytime girlfriend” and gave Kerry a hug, knowing that it would not be too long before they shopped again. Liz also gave her a hug and asked “can I come too next time?” With that Kerry carefully slid into the car and Janet drove off down the street, back to the safety of her own home and time to talk without others listening.

It was only a short trip and done in silence, pulling into the drive way and turning off the lights she thought of the security light about to turn on and who would be watching. A quick glance at Kerry collecting up her bags and Janet decide to just go with it knowing that Kerry was having such a great time. Inside the house it was quiet and getting cold, Kerry had put the kettle on to boil and made sure the dishwasher was loaded ready to be triggered before bed time. Janet always had a hot chocolate before bed and she liked the way Paul made it. Kerry went into the bedroom and started to get undressed, carefully folding her clothes and hanging the others on hangers in the wardrobe. When it came to the lingerie she stopped, looking for a place to put it all. “Better clean out one of the drawers and put your name on it” said Janet smiling and pointing to the main chest of drawers in the bedroom. “At least you don’t need mine anymore with that lot of gear” she added. Kerry went quiet and just placed each of the items in the drawer in neat piles according to what it was, always very neat and tidy, a place for everything.

When it came time to clean off the makeup she asked Janet for some of her cleanser and wipes wanting to make sure it was all gone from her face before bedtime. It took a while to remove all of it and some of it ended up on the towel which Paul knew would incur a comment from Janet, another mental note to keep the peace in the house hold. By this time Janet was sitting up in bed with the hot chocolate waiting for Paul to return and get into bed, after checking the doors, triggering the dishwasher and setting the alarm system like every other night, he slid into bed. He waited for his wife to speak, eager to find out what she thought but scared that it would be the end of Kerry’s freedom, something he would find very hard to handle again. Janet finished her drink and slid down so her head was on the pillow waiting for Paul to finish his drink. This was how they did their talking, the quiet time of the day without any distractions, phones or TV, that’s television not transvestite.

Paul decided to break the silence and asked Janet what she thought after today’s meeting with Kerry, was it as bad as she had expected or worse? He just lay there waiting for her comments, hoping for only good ones but knowing that it could go either way. After about thirty minutes Janet finished talking through her concerns and fears, she had asked for security and promises of discretion and most of all that Paul would keep her informed of everything this time, no secrets. This was far better than Paul had hoped for and asked Janet what had changed her mind about the whole thing since she was so opposed to it last year. She talked about the pain she saw in his eyes compared to the joy she saw when the girls had talked about shopping and going out somewhere nice, the way she looked and how she passed in public. Kerry was a nice girl and fun to be around. And so ended the first day of Kerry’s new life. Another mental note, get a nighty if Janet permits.

Day two
For once it was a good night’s sleep for both Paul and Janet and when they finally woke in the morning the day looked like being a typical winter’s day. It would start off cool and warm up during the morning until around 5pm when it would get slowly cooler, very easy to enjoy and no need for heavy clothing. Paul reached over to Janet and held her close as they laid there enjoying the time together and still warm in bed. After listening to the news on the radio Paul got up and made breakfast for them and brought it back to bed. As they sat in bed eating, Janet started asking about the day’s activities and what Paul wanted to do. “Last night you wanted to go shopping, so do you want to go with Paul or Kerry?” asked Paul. Janet had to think about this one for a while and went back to eating her breakfast.

The decision was for the morning to be spent doing house work then they could go out for a picnic lunch beside the river and into town for shopping afterwards. This was a big step for Janet and Paul appreciated how far she had come in just two days and Kerry absolutely loved how far she had come. The house needed only a quick vacuum and dusting along with putting away the washing that needed ironing and folding. Around 90 minutes of work and it was time to start the preparation for shopping as Paul declared he was going to have a shower.

Janet walked back into the bedroom and handed him a can of hair remover saying “Jane told me that you needed to do something with your legs”. Paul just looked at her as if she had said something in a foreign language, meanwhile Kerry screamed with joy. “Are you sure about this?” he asked her “this is a big step, are you really sure?” He hoped she really meant it and headed for the shower. Reading the instructions he sprayed the foam all over his legs being careful where it touched, secretly wishing he could spray it all over his body. Emerging from the shower with smooth legs and hairy stomach and back made him look very funny, Janet walked in just as he stood there. She laughed and even Paul had to laugh at the ridiculous sight standing in the bathroom, “OK go on then you can do the rest” she said. Paul asked for an old pair of his underpants to cover the pubic area, putting them on before starting to spray the foam on his stomach and asking Janet to spray his back. Ten minutes and into the shower to see the black mass floating into the drain and a clean smooth body appear before their eyes.

Even drying himself was different somehow, Janet had left a can of powder on the bathroom cupboard with a suggestion that it would help in the overall feel of his new skin. The talc slid off his body but left a silky smooth feel to his arms and legs, Kerry was becoming more visible every hour and Paul had nothing to say in it. She stepped back into the bedroom and opened the drawer containing her new underwear, selecting the blue pants and bra set she put them on with the inserts as well, this was followed by the hair piece to at least give some resemblance of Kerry and threw on a bath robe. Janet called to come out to the lounge where she had a surprise for Kerry, sitting on a low seat she had her nail polish container on the table and told Kerry to sit on the seat. Kerry sat down and Janet jumped slightly as she had to adjust to the change in image from Paul to Kerry. Trying to adjust she asked Kerry to put her foot up on the seat as she reached for a nail file and buffing file. The bathrobe slipped open up to her thighs and Janet could see the smooth legs that looked far more feminine now that the black hair was gone, she couldn’t help but run her hands up the legs. Several minutes later and the hardness of Paul’s toe nails had vanished and a smoother set had been created. Janet had laid out a few bottles of polish and wanted to know what colour Kerry would prefer, given her burgundy sweater and shoes it was an easy choice. A base coat and a second coat gave her a nice finish then Janet made another major jump, “would you like your nails doing as well?” she asked. Silly question thought Kerry and simply put her hand forward and said “yes please” in her sweetest voice. Again the process of filing and buffing was started, Janet hardly noticing that they already looked smooth and buffed but went ahead and applied the polish and even a cover coat of clear to help it last longer. As they waited for the polish to dry the two girls chatted about the shopping trip and what they wanted to buy.

Kerry gently kissed Janet like any girlfriend would and headed for the bedroom to get her makeup bag and then to the bathroom to put on her face. They expected to be out for around six hours so the makeup would have to be daytime and hence light cover, Kerry had to keep reminding herself to keep it light. Start with the pan stick, the foundation and then the powder to set it off, then mascara and eye liner followed by eye shadow. Kerry loved the look of the darker eyeliner and couldn’t help but apply far more, in fact she had more colour and definition than Janet would ever go out with. Outlining the lips was harder than she had remembered and it took two attempts before she could fill them in and apply the glossy lipstick she had bought from Kate. Paul had bought Janet some nice perfumes over the years so Kerry picked up the nicest and with a quick dab she put some behind her ears and on her wrists. Kerry replaced the hair piece brushed the hair into shape, a quick spray to keep it in place and she was ready to get dressed.

Every time she had read about people putting on stockings after their first leg shaving it made it sound so exciting and electrifying she could hardly wait to find out for herself. Now that all of the hair was gone she wanted to try on the sheer fine denier stayups that she bought from Lisa the day before, delicate but so sexy she thought carefully before opening the packet. When Kerry took the stockings out of the packet her heart raced, she rolled them up and started to slide one of them up her leg. The freshly coloured nails at the bottom of a sheer stocking made her stare for a while, the flashback to Sydney made her stop and sigh but she still had another one to put on. The second one gave the same feeling and she shook all over, Kerry couldn’t help herself but quickly put on the new burgundy heels.

The bathrobe dropped to the floor as she stood there in just her underwear, stockings and shoes, the change in just 24 hours had been incredible. Janet walked up to the door as Kerry was looking in the mirror, she waited for a few seconds watching this well dressed woman, or should that be undressed woman, admiring herself quietly in the mirror. The face was happy and smiling, the body was clean and smooth and the underwear was gorgeous even if it was over the top for a picnic she knew that Kerry was enjoying herself. Janet quietly turned around and went back to the kitchen for a few minutes to give Kerry space. Stepping into the wardrobe Kerry took the grey skirt off the hanger and stepped into it turned and pulled up the zip, the feel against her legs was far nicer than the day before. Kerry took the sapphire jumper and carried it into the bedroom before putting it on the bed, something was missing. Janet walked in and seeing Kerry contemplating the jumper asked her what was wrong, the solution was simple, a camisole to cover the bra and add some warmth. Janet went to her own drawers and pulled out a dark blue silky camisole then adjusted the straps to allow for Kerry’s longer body length. One last touch, the earrings, a few rings and “special K” then Kerry was ready to go out and shop. Janet just had to stand there and shake her head as Kerry was in total control of everything she did and she could tell that this was not just a simple play acting for Paul, it was from deep within.

Kerry grabbed her handbag and car keys and headed for the door but stopped suddenly and decided that it would be better for Janet to drive in case the neighbours were watching. While Kerry had taken her time to get ready Janet had prepared a picnic and Kerry carried it to the car before getting into the passenger side, being careful to swing her legs in and smooth her skirt out. As Janet drove out of the estate they started to relax and talk about the day ahead. The drive to the river was pleasant as the sun started to warm up the inside of the car making the girls feel better. The river was fairly calm and a few boats could be seen moving out to the port as Janet pulled up alongside their favourite spot and parked the car. The picnic rug was spread out and the picnic hamper brought from the car and unloaded onto the blanket. The air was getting warmer and as they sat and eat their lunch many of the things they talked about related to the pain of the last year and the hope for the future. Janet wanted to know about Kerry and asked her to introduce herself properly. Paul had written a bio for Kerry during a counselling session during the last year and this was where she started. When she had finished Janet summed up how she saw things, “it seems to me that Kerry has not only survived but has helped shape your life”. Paul and Kerry both nodded knowing how much they had in common; yet also knowing how much was still unclear. This was only day two and what would happen at the end of the seminar, would Kerry be locked up not allowed out again?

The picnic hamper was packed up and put back into the car so they could go for a short walk to get the blood flowing again. The pathway was not the smoothest place in town and Kerry decided that she really needed some sensible shoes if they were going to walk very far so it was a slow walk like two friends walking and talking beside the river, the people that ran past or rode their bikes down the track would not have seen anything else. After a short walk they turned around and headed back to the car, it was time to shop and they had chosen which shops to visit, even Kerry had been open about what she wanted to buy today. The lingerie shop, the shoe shop and if it was open the little boutique they had looked at last night. Kerry drove to the lingerie shop parking around the corner and locking the car they walked into the store. There was no hesitation this time and when Kerry saw Lisa behind the counter she walked straight up and introduced her to Janet. Lisa was surprised again and said as much to Kerry, who smiled and thanked her for being so friendly. Lisa reached under the counter and produced a special voucher, signing it and writing in Kerry’s name she gave it to her. “We have a special thankyou to our clients that introduce a new client, 50% off their next purchase” she said. Kerry was off and shopping, nothing better than a real good offer

Kerry selected some more knickers and the matching garter belts for the two matching sets she bought yesterday, Janet also chose a matching set similar to the one chosen by Kerry. As the two girls browsed around the shop, Janet came across some very delicate camisoles for Kerry to go with her matching sets. Kerry had been looking at some nighties but wasn’t sure how Janet would handle it, Janet saw her looking and came over to the racks and checked out what she was looking at. The decision was Janet’s and Kerry told her that it was her choice if anything was selected and she walked away to give Janet space. While she decided Kerry went and selected a garter belt and stockings in Janet’s size to suit the matching set she had already chosen. When they came back to the counter they had chosen a decent pile of lingerie in multitude of colours and in the middle were a couple of matching nighties of different sizes, one for each of them. Kerry just touched Janet’s hand gently to say thank you and turned to Lisa and produced a credit card, even if the name didn’t match the face it was still valid cash. Saying good bye to Lisa, Kerry again promised to come back on Thursday for the other items and left with two big bags of shopping.

Similar to yesterday the bags were put into the boot of the car and the girls headed off to the shoe shop, just to look not to buy anything, sure! The same sales person was behind the counter as they walked in and Kerry had to control herself from saying anything. The special was still on and Janet saw a nice pair of flats that had just enough style to be acceptable when dressed up. Kerry again looked at the heels and chose a pair of 4” heels in a silver grey with rhinestones that looked hard to wear but absolutely gorgeous. She showed them to Janet who just looked at her and asked “are you silly, they could kill you if you fell over” but that didn’t stop her from trying them on and walking around the store. Eventually logic took over and Kerry realised it would make her well over six foot and that was definitely pushing her choice of staying low profile, so she chose the same style in 2.5” heels. As they paid for them Kerry used Paul’s credit card, with the same sales person as yesterday who swiped the card asked Kerry to enter either the pin number or press OK and waited for it to be approved. After asking Kerry to sign it she looked at the card and the name and then back to Kerry’s face. It was then that Kerry could not help but lower her voice back to Paul’s normally bass voice and say “I hope you didn’t have a good laugh last night at my expense” and took the credit card. The girl just stood there with her mouth open.

Janet and Kerry put the shoes in the boot and got into the car, it was a short drive to the parking station in the centre of the shopping mall, where they had a date with the small boutique. Parking the car and walking into the mall they found the store and entered looking for something for Janet. Kerry looked around to find a smart outfit for Janet to wear to the seminar in only six days time. Janet had been looking at a nice three piece suit skirt that could be dressed down by adding a silk blouse and leaving the waist coat off. Kerry had found a nice skirt and top with slit up the back and see through sleeves in a colour similar to the burgundy sweater she bought yesterday. Janet went to try them on and came out wearing each outfit to get Kerry’s opinion, and either outfit would have been fine to wear to the seminar. Kerry could not make up her mind and neither could Janet so Kerry did what Paul would normally do and told her to buy both. Kerry had however chosen another couple of blouses for herself, one white long sleeved silk blouse and another in silver grey, just to match her shoes she thought. Again the shopping was easy and no one in the store had the faintest idea that the two girls were anything but friends, definitely not husband and wife.

It was now about three o’clock so they headed for the café area, Janet went to choose a table at the back but Kerry wanted to sit out front in the “see people and be seen by people” area. She sat down and motioned to Janet to sit down, Janet commented that Kerry was not blending in but had chosen a place to be seen. The waiter came and took their orders for coffee and cake so they sat and chatted about the clothes and what they would need to finish them off, bags, belts, and of course the right earrings. The coffee was drunk and the cake was eaten while they watched the people walk past and just enjoyed the time together.

As they sat there a couple of the old directors entered the café, they saw Janet and said hello, not stopping or greeting Kerry. Janet and Kerry both decided to just sit there and not be intimidated but see who else came into the café. A few minutes later the remaining directors entered and likewise saw Janet, greeted her and went into the café. Kerry was amazed that they had not identified her or stopped to say anything but hello to Janet. Her pain surfaced very quickly and it was only Janet’s encouragement that kept her under control and stopped her from walking out. When the coffees had been finished they stood to leave, Kerry pushed her chair in and before Janet could stop her she had approached the table of directors and stood there just looking at them. “I know you won’t answer any of my questions about why I was sacked but I thought you would at least say hello” she said and turned and walked out leaving them starring at her. Just a little bit more wiggle than normal and a flick of her hair as she left the building feeling quite good about herself. Janet just looked at her and said “I guess they deserved that, lets shop and forget about it”

The only thing they wanted was a good pair of earrings to offset the formal outfits so they found a jewellery shop and went inside. The sign said “simply irresistible” and it promised to be just that as they looked at gold, silver and even diamond earrings before settling on a pair of stranded earrings with a very small diamond at the top. Of course they bought matching sets, what else do girl friends do when they shop. Janet also wanted a nice single diamond stud for Paul when he returned, more manly than a set of hoops. While Janet chose her gift Kerry was checking out ankle chains and found a two for one offer, she had already picked her size when Janet came over. By the end they had matching earrings, ankle chains and a stud for Paul that’s a ”diamond Stud” silly.

As they walked back to the car they passed the café again and were very careful not to look inside although they had no doubt they were being watched and talked about. Kerry had settled down from the comment and actually felt very good about it all, even if it was only part of what she wanted to say, it would do. The walk was doing them good and they continued to the end of the mall just looking in the windows and talking about the clothes they saw and what was in the car waiting to go home. It was a very comfortable Sunday in the town and as they drove home Janet asked if they could do it again sometime, a remark that surprised Paul and made Kerry jump on the inside. There was hope for a longer freedom than she first expected.

When they got home and unloaded the bags from the car Kerry asked Janet why she had made the comment about more time together. Janet then proceeded to tell Kerry about how she was very easy to be around and not grumpy like someone else they knew. She also enjoyed being able to talk about clothes, shoes, makeup and things that friends normally talked about given the number of friends she had was limited lately. Kerry asked her about the number of clothes she had bought and the next week with Kerry working from home. Janet had assumed that Kerry would have been working from home due to the company offices being remodelled and enlarged. She had not thought about what Kerry would be wearing while at home, let alone the extra clothes, but Kerry had been thinking about it all along. They discussed the “rules for Kerry at home” and decided that the best plan would be for Kerry to return to normal before Janet got home each night, after all she did want to stay married to Paul.

During his time searching the internet Paul had found a set of “Rules for Cross dressers and SO’s” on the tri-ess website and had downloaded them just in case anything changed. Kerry told Janet about them and printed out a copy as a starting point for future discussions about how to handle Kerry. The rules included no changes to body parts without mutual agreement, no chemical changes such as hormones. In short it was a cease fire agreement that could be held up as guidelines and promises that each person could stand on as a minimum for each party. Janet thought it was a good starting point and they gave her some of the basic safety points she wanted, Kerry thought it was Christmas or was it just parole?

As tea time approached Kerry asked Janet if she should change back in time for tea and the evening together. To Kerry’s delight the answer was “only if you really want to” so she chose to stay as she was, after having a quick shave, change of makeup and a spray of perfume Kerry came back out for tea. After the meal Janet wanted to see all of the things Kerry had bought in the two days and make sure they looked okay on her. Kerry was suddenly nervous as the amount of gear she bought was much larger than the budget she had been given, much larger. Clearing the bed she laid out the black skirt and slacks, the grey skirt, the sweater and jumper along with the black jacket in such a way as to show the mix and match options. Then unpacking the two silk shirts from today and the white one from yesterday she had over ten different combinations. When the lingerie drawer was opened Janet saw that the colours and range was far bigger than her own drawer of undies, and then she remembered her own purchases from the shopping trip today. When she unpacked her bag she found the garter belt that had been put in and just looked at Kerry as if to say “I should have expected it from you”. The stockings also fell out on the bed and she could not help but laugh and throw then at Kerry.

The shoes and jewellery were put away as was the large number of pants and handbag. The night gown was placed under the pillow for night time, one under each pillow. The weekend had turned out totally different to how they both thought it was going to be and they still had a full week and the seminar next weekend ahead of them. As they went off to bed the second day finished and they were both happy.

To Be Continued .... Kerry being free

A whole week of being Kerry at home, the woman of the household, getting ready for the seminar and coming to grips with little changes that have big impacts if not controlled. But Kerry had a problem with control, she always wanted it her way so just chose to hear different instructions.

With the office being remodelled Paul had been given the start of the week to work from home and with the power of remote connection it could have been anywhere in the world. Janet left for work early and reminded Paul about the “Rules of engagement” and let him know exactly when she would be home from work. The office had become too small for the company as it grew rapidly and the refit that was done less than a year ago was now ready to be modified and replaced with more offices as they took over the next door tenant’s space. It came just at the right time, the end of onsite implementation work while reports could be created off site, a real chance for Kerry time.

When Janet left for work Paul went into the shower and made sure that the hair was still gone as he had no idea how quickly it would grow back. A good shave and then time to choose the right underwear, the choice was huge and instead of racing into it Kerry decided to look at everything laid out on the bed again and choose it to match the clothes she had planned for the daytime. When everything was laid out there wasn’t too much space left on the bed, not bad for a weekend shopping that was not planned. Of all of the gear her favourite was the corset but putting that on would take more than one to get it right so it would have to wait for another shopping trip or the weekend seminar. She chose the matching set in white with garter belt and skin coloured stockings with a slight shine. This would go with the short black skirt and white long sleeved blouse and a matching white camisole; the black shoes would complete the outfit. She pulled up her control briefs and tucked everything away neatly, bra and inserts next then the garter belt and stockings; the feeling had not diminished and again brought the same feelings of excitement. There was that tug on the garter belt as she stood up before pulling up the pair of white hi cut pants over the garter straps and then slipped her feet gently into her black shoes. Again the body posture changed and she felt suddenly more feminine as she stood in the bedroom. She knew that the control brief would upset toilet visits but by blanking it from her mind the femme image was still alive.

But now it was time to practice her makeup skills so into the bathroom and open her makeup bag, she checked her eye browse and decided to trim just a little bit more. Each day she trimmed just a little at a time, it was always from underneath and never from on top so that the arch appeared to move higher rather than lower. Her thinking was that it would not be a sudden change for Janet and hence easier to get through. Beard cover, foundation, powder and then the eyes, this was the hardest thing to get right and Kerry loved the really bold dark outline and mascara look but it was too out there for Janet, but she was at work today. The lipstick and gloss was next to match her nail polish which had survived better than she thought it would having never had to look after her nails so much before. Kerry practiced making the outline wider than her actual lips and filing them in for effect, the first time was bad, real bad. The second attempt was closer to the natural line of her lips, three coats and gloss made a much better image. The hair went on and after several minutes of teasing and spraying it looked very nice. Returning to the bedroom wardrobe she reached for the camisole and blouse before stepping into the black skirt, it was actually much shorter than she had expected and with her new hairless legs it looked very sexy. The feel of a good skirt and shoes and Kerry was ready for work, Oh the joy if this was a daily occurrence.

Kerry thought about work and opted for a few household tasks, tidy the kitchen and put away the breakfast things. A load of washing and then make a cuppa before turning on the computer and reading the daily emails. This felt so good sitting there earning money and enjoying herself. The time it took to get ready was less than the time taken to drive through the city traffic to the office, an easy decision she thought. Around 11 o’clock she stopped and headed back into the kitchen to make another drink and change the washing. Kerry thought about tea and started looking through the cupboards to find if there was anything like a special meal she could cook. She thought about going to the shopping centre for the food but that would mean two problems, one being out by herself and secondly having to do all of the talking, an area she had not mastered yet. Not today she thought and went back to work after putting on the second load of washing.

By lunch time she had done a couple of reports and had sent them to the clients for testing with real data. When Kerry got hungry it was an ideal time to stop and enjoy her time, she made a salad and sat in the lounge reading a magazine, not the normal computer ones but Marie Claire. The articles of most interest contained hints on dressing to hide faults, somehow it didn’t cover the faults that Kerry had. The stories made easy reading and relaxing was as simple as picking up a magazine that had no relationship to work or technology and more to do with the girl within. Forcing herself back to work Kerry went back to the front office and continued the jobs at hand but at all times making sure she followed the pointers she had learnt about sitting with legs closed or standing up with knees together.

The afternoon went quickly as the reports started to flow and got installed on the client site. Then the email from the boss, the builders had found asbestos in the walls and ceiling and called an immediate halt to remodelling the office. It was expected to take another four days to complete the work due to the hazardous nature of the asbestos and the consultants would be out for another two business days and return on Monday morning. He did ask if everyone was okay with this and thanked them for our patience. Kerry never read anymore than the first line before starting to plan the remainder of the week, this would help considerably.

Around three in the afternoon Liz rang and asked if she could come around to chat, so Kerry put on the kettle and checked the kitchen. Liz had been asked to cater for the seminar and had volunteered her daughters to help with waiting on the people. The thought of them seeing Kerry had spooked her and needed to talk it through with Kerry before it happened. Liz arrived just before three, Kerry opened the door to let her in but Liz had not been told that Kerry would be present, she expected Paul to be working from home instead. The door closed as Kerry had to almost pull her into the room, her mouth open and eyes like saucers, “Wow, you look so different today, does Janet know about today?” she asked. Kerry explained the rules and how Janet was due home at 6pm so Kerry still had a couple of hours grace. “Cuppa?’ Kerry asked as she turned and walked into the kitchen, Liz just followed behind watching her long legs and tail swish around. Kerry talked about her activity on Sunday as she sat on a lounge chair with her legs crossed at the knees and folded back towards her body. Liz watched and tried to listen but the changes just seemed to keep coning, Kerry stood perfectly to return carrying a tray of drinks, sugar and small biscuits.

As they chatted and drank tea the solution was simple, bring the girls around on Thursday afternoon and allow them to meet Kerry, they could ask questions and also let her know if she had any problems passing. It seems that young girls can always spot a t-girl easier than anyone else and their insight would be helpful. Liz was going food shopping and asked Kerry if she wanted to come along, it would only take thirty minutes or so and they could be back well before Janet returned. Telling Liz to wait she vanished for a few minutes, checked her makeup and grabbed her new purse and keys.

Walking into the mall Liz noticed that Kerry was holding back slightly possibly due to the presence of so many kids in the place. They bought the food first then walked down the mall before going into the “Cosmetics Factory” a place that had more makeup than Paul had seen in one place before, a place he had always wanted to enter but had never gone in. Liz grabbed her arm and stepped inside and they spent a few minutes just walking around looking at the range of products before Liz picked up a set of stick on nails. Seventy two nails of different sizes, she showed them to Kerry who understood exactly what they would do for her. Kerry suggested that it would require another nail polish or two and turned for the display area. Liz followed and helped choose a couple of colours that would compliment Kerry’s new clothes and hair. Kerry also wanted matching high gloss or wet look lipsticks to match as well so by the end of a few minutes they had spent nearly $50, time to go home.

Kerry started to prepare the dinner as Liz sat talking about the weekend and how she enjoyed seeing Paul so happy, it had been a long time since they had all been happy and felt peaceful about their situations. The time passed very quickly and Liz had forgotten about her own family until she suddenly remembered and ran for the door saying that she would bring the kids back on Thursday after school. She prepared the evening meal and tidied up the house ready for Janet’s return remembering that she had to change before she returned. Leaving it to the last moment Kerry had only just put the shoes away and hung up the skirt when Janet pulled into the drive way, the underwear would have to wait for bedtime.

Janet came into the kitchen and saw the dinner laid out and the house tidy and the glass of wine ready for her. She sat down and took off her shoes; they spent the next half hour talking about her day and what had happened at work. Janet wanted to know how Paul had enjoyed working at home and what else he had done, so he told her about the reports he finished and the shopping trip including the makeup they bought. He didn’t talk about the housework or preparing dinner, or the joy of hearing the heels click on the tiles as he walked around the house. Janet noticed all of the things that had been done and just smiled at the results.

After dinner when it was dark they went for a walk with the dog and spent a lot of the walk just talking about the weekend and the things that had happened, their focus was on deciding if they could move on and leave the pain behind them after the horror year. The evening was just like normal except Kerry wanted help with the stick on nails so Janet helped her to select the right sizes, shape them and cover each of them with three coats to make sure they looked good. All along Kerry watched and learnt and of course they had to be stuck on afterwards. The change to Kerry’s hands was remarkable the nails took the emphasis off the size of the hands and looked really good for “fake nails”. Janet said that they could fall off at any time so they made spares in each size and painted them as well before putting them into a small container that came with the nails and putting them away. Kerry would wear them through the night to see what happened.

The next few days were basically the same pattern; Janet would leave for work, Kerry would then arrive, work billable hours for the client, clean house and do housework, prepare dinner, change before Janet returns. By the time Janet arrived home on Wednesday the entire house was spotless and dinner was almost on the table, she could get used to this quite easily. Not only was the house clean and tidy but even her lunch for the next day had been made and set aside in the fridge ready to take to work on Thursday. Over dinner Janet started to say how much she appreciated the things that Kerry had done each day and also the changes in Paul. Over the five days since Kerry was released, Paul had become more considerate and a lot less grumpy, could this be the problem over the time of their marriage? The concept was not novel to Paul, as many wives and partners had commented on similar changes on the websites he visited but it was good to hear it from Janet. Thursday was late night shopping and Kerry felt that some things still remained to be improved upon. Janet knew that Liz was bringing her daughters around to critique Kerry and that would be good as preparation for the seminar.

Thursday started like the rest; shower, breakfast, Janet leave, but this time Paul decided to stay around and leave Kerry until the afternoon. This day the housework didn’t get done as quickly as Paul started working for the clients until around 2pm, then he went to shave and prepare for Kerry to be inspected. Kerry had planned on wearing the outfit for the seminar, black skirt, burgundy sweater and burgundy shoes to match. The jewellery and daytime makeup would compliment a conservative image and one that could easily be toned up by makeup later on. Laying out the clothes on the bed she chose the white silk underwear and stockings to add that touch of femininity to help her through the seminar.

When Liz knocked on the door at 3:30 Kerry invited her guests into the family room, the girls just walked in checking out everything they saw. Liz introduced Kerry to each of the girls in turn as they found seats around a table. “Well let me have it, don’t hold back I need to know the truth” Kerry said, hoping that it wouldn’t be too painful. The girls didn’t know where to start, shocked was a good word to use, but it was more awe than awful they agreed. Kerry stood up and turned around slowly so they could see the entire package, being careful to stand and sit in the right manner. The eldest started, “You look fantastic Paul, sorry Kerry, I am having real trouble seeing the face we know”, this was a good start thought Kerry. “Two little things, the stockings are for clubbing not everyday wear, unless you have changed your PRO fession” she giggled as her mum tapped her. “The second thing is the size of your chest, I mean your breasts, for a girl your size they need to be bigger and the waist smaller”. This was the main reason Kerry had wanted the girls to come around; they would be honest and say what they thought.

Kerry stood up and headed for the bedroom saying she would only be a few seconds, and then turning to Liz asked her to help. Kerry unclipped the stocking and removed her belt before Liz could come in; she took off the sweater and bra so by the time Liz stood there Kerry was half naked and heading for the clothes drawer. Taking out sheer pantyhose and the corset she asked Liz to help tighten it up as it took two to get right. Liz had never seen one of these let alone done one up for anyone, but a few quick comments and she understood how it worked, even if it looked very painful to wear. After a couple of attempts at getting it right the corset achieved the desired effect on Kerry’s waistline and after Kerry had inserted the bra inserts, her bust line came into shape. Liz left the room as Kerry put on the pantyhose and sweater, adjusted her clothes and stepped back into the family room, “much better” said the girls together.

They sat and talked about the seminar and wanted to know if Kerry would be scared of being caught out and laughed at. The chat went back and forwards about confidence, looking the part and also about feeling the part. Kerry really did feel the part was right for her and the only risk was her voice, which was getting better every day. Sue, the eldest had been looking at Kerry’s nails and asked Liz if she could get some for the school holidays that started Friday lunch time. Kerry stood up and went into the bedroom and came back with her nail kit and sat in front of Sue and asked for her hands. Over the next 30 minutes Kerry cleaned her nails, buffed them and then made a set of stick on nails for Sue, a couple of coats of nail polish and the job was done. Liz said that if she put them on they would have to stay home from school for the Friday, tough choice. They looked great on and Sue hugged Kerry for them before showing her youngest sister who suddenly wanted to be older.

Janet had arranged to go to and come home on the train and get picked up by Kerry so they could go out shopping and then for tea so Liz and the girls left before the bus was due. Deciding what had to be bought at the shops tonight, Kerry removed the corset and put the bra and inserts back on. Kerry hurried through the bathroom and made some minor changes to her eyes as this made the most impact, a splash of perfume and blusher, grabbed the jacket and handbag and headed for the door. Even minor changes still took 15 minutes, what a difference a skirt makes to prep time. The train had just pulled out of the transit port as Kerry pulled into the kiss and ride area to pick up Janet, a quick kiss and then off to the shops. Janet asked how the critique had gone and Kerry told her all about the afternoon’s activities and the changes the girls had suggested. Janet had noticed the bust size but decided against saying anything to dampen Kerry’s confidence. They drove over to the Lingerie shop to pick up the bits Kerry had ordered on Saturday. While there she waited for Lisa to finish and then asked her about breast forms that could help with the problem. Lisa told them about a shop in the city that would be able to help, and then picked up the phone and checked that they would be open tonight. They closed in 10 minutes but would stay back if Kerry was definitely going to be buying tonight, a quick check and yes Kerry would be buying tonight.

Janet and Kerry left the shop and got into the car, the shop was about 20 minutes away plus parking. They got into the shop to meet a woman in her late forties dressed in a typical shop assistants outfit but looking at her watch, clearly staying back was not her choice but a sale was a sale. Kerry introduced herself and Janet then proceeded to ask about types, sizing and costs, each had to be considered. The cheap ones looked just that, cheap, the nice ones cost around $180 and came with a flesh coloured cloth outer to absorb sweat. Being a sales person first and foremost the woman offered the silicone ones as well, at $400 plus they would be more like an investment than a whim. Kerry looked at Janet and asked for her opinion, “they cost more than I expected” she said pointing to the silicone set on the counter, “How much time does Kerry expect to spend out”. This was a question that both had avoided until today when it became obvious that Kerry was here to stay. “The better we make you look the less chance of embarrassing me” Janet said and Kerry returned to facing the sales person.

Kerry asked the woman if she minded helping her put them on for the first time. There was a small fitting room towards the back of the shop and ushering Kerry into the area she asked her to remove her sweater and bra then lay down on the bench. The alcohol wipes cleaned her chest area and the glue was left for a few seconds on the breast forms before being placed carefully in the right spot, “stay still for a couple of minutes to allow the glue to work properly” she told Kerry. As she sat up the feeling of weight on her chest was a totally different sensation for Kerry and it put her off balance. She got dressed and returned to the front counter just as Janet was finalising the sales docket with her credit card. Silicone forms, glue, and cleanser came to over $450, a good investment thought Kerry. She could already feel the forms warming up to body temperature, and as she moved they moved, the sweater was now a very good fit, some would say tight but it made her figure just that much better as she stood and looked in the store mirror.

Time for tea suggested Janet and looked down the road for a café or somewhere to get a simple meal, after all, the shopping had cost so much lately. They chose a small Thai restaurant and entered after checking the menu prices, a table near the door would be okay as they only expected to stay for a short meal. The meal came quickly and they finished it within the half hour so they paid the bill and walked outside. Janet had been noticing that several of the customers had been checking out her “husband” and this caused some concern, how would they handle any approaches? Janet decided to bring this up later away from the ears of others and in the safety of their own home when both could be open. Kerry wanted to shop but Janet decided that enough had been spent in the last few days to last a month so they went home.

Sitting around the house dressed as Kerry was becoming fairly common place and one that didn’t cause any real stress for Janet so they just sat and talked. She brought up the fact that men had been checking out Kerry with her now “ample portions” over dinner, this worried her and she needed to talk about it. Paul knew that one of the fears held by wives is that a transgendered person would become gay; a totally false fear in the logical mind, but this didn’t stop the fear. It took several attempts at getting the wording right before Janet understood that She was His desire not someone else. Did the fear vanish or was it just answered correctly, only time could tell as they went off to bed and the problem of glued on boobs. Kerry had not considered sleeping with “mounds” in front before although this was everyday stuff for Janet, and nearly every other woman on the planet. It was a restless night with Kerry tossing around trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in, the nighty helped somewhat.

Friday was normal; Kerry got dressed and worked through to the afternoon before totally changing back into Paul in time for Janets return from work. This included taking off the boobs and washing them carefully in the cleanser that had come with them, definitely not a quick decision to glue them on. This time Paul had decided to really go all out and made a special dinner with soup, main course, and a dessert that Janet liked from the shop. Candles and music in the background told Janet that something was up as soon as she stepped into the house. Paul handed a glass of wine to Janet and kissed her gently, “I just wanted to say thank you for everything you have done this week and letting me enjoy my time so much” he said with tears forming in his eyes. Janet saw them forming and took her hanky and dabbed them, her own emotions welling up seeing her husband's feelings being expressed for once. They stood and embraced each other as the music played in the background and some of the pain of the year died silently. The evening was delightful and the meal was as good as she cooked, if she ever got the time. Janet had been spoiled this last week and it would be hard to go back to normal, she even considered if she wanted normal anyway. They danced to the music, drank some wine and then some after dinner mints to finish off the night before heading to bed. The seminar was not until 6pm so the next day would be spent relaxing since Kerry had already done the housework during the week.

As expected the day started with breakfast in bed and watching the morning news broadcast, something that had become a weekly ritual if time permitted and with everything so tidy, time really did permit. A few manly tasks around the house had to be done and Paul hated doing any of them, the pool needed cleaning, the patio needed water blasting and the gutters needed checking for debris before the rainy season started. After lunch the remaining tasks got finished before 3pm and the start of preparations for the seminar. Janet had poured a bath and filled it with scented oils ready for Paul to soak in, she also had a surprise for Kerry but that could wait. She told Paul to make sure the legs were still hair free and also to do his armpits without saying why. A really close shave in both directions and Paul was ready to start the transformation hoping he could get it right. After putting on some underwear and a bath robe he walked out into the kitchen area and saw Kate standing there. Janet and Jane had asked Kate to do a private job in her own time and arranged for everything to be set up ready for another transformation.

Over the next hour Kate did her magic and helped Kerry to come out, she had brought one of her own wigs and placed it on Kerry’s head without letting her see the finished effect. The wig was a very good quality medium length, curly, light brown with blonde streaks, it was not the style that Kerry would have chosen but with the work that Kate had done it was fantastic and framed her whole face. While Kate had been working on the face Janet applied the nails with super glue and checked they were firm. Kate turned Kerry around to face the table mirror and there was another Kerry, more formal and younger looking with her blonde streaks and curls around her face.

Janet sent Kerry to the bedroom to get dressed and she followed quickly behind just in time to see the next stage unfold. Janet had been shopping during her lunch breaks and found a dark red halter neck dress with shiny black see through lace covering and a scarf for the neck. When Kerry saw it on the hanger she thought it was for Janet, not guessing that she would be wearing it out to the seminar. Janet said it actually was very well priced compared to the retail price and the winter season, although it never got cold in their state just a little nippy late at night. Kerry needed help putting the glue on the boobs and placing then correctly, then the corset needed lacing up, after that the rest of her outfit was easy to put on so Janet left her to get dressed. The stockings clipped on to the bottom of the corset and the pants came up over the control brief to complete the illusion, it would be murder if she had to use the toilet but the look was what counted tonight. Kerry stepped into the gown and pulled it up to her chest, the edges of the silicone boobs had been blended to her body colour and instead there was a well presented cleavage projecting from the top of the corset. Kerry buttoned up the halter top and pulled up the zip behind her back. The chandelier earrings and burgundy shoes finished off the look and with a black lace shawl the shoulders would be well hidden and give some warmth later on. Kerry put on the rings and her special K necklace, the hearts juggled between her breasts drawing obvious attention to them, but hey that was what it was all about. She stood back to admire the look in the mirror, the same one that Kerry had first appeared in nearly two years ago. The irony struck her but the beauty was just too exciting to bring her down.

Stepping out into the family room she found not only Kate and Janet but also Liz and Jane who had arrived a few minutes earlier and they each had on very elaborate dresses, not at all the style she expected for a seminar on wealth creation. The girls just clapped and cheered when they saw Kerry and even Kate had to admit there had been major changes with the right clothes and breast forms. Kerry did her usual swirl being careful not to trip in the heels even if she was getting very used to wearing them at home. It turned out that the seminar was deferred on Wednesday due to venue problems, the girls had decided not to tell Kerry and spoil her fun but instead chose to arrange an evening out for the four girls, Kate had also been invited to join them. They were off to the ballet with pre show cocktails and a meal afterwards it was going to be a full night. Janet said that she just needed to finish up getting ready before the limo arrived and raced into the bedroom leaving Kerry to entertain.

At 6pm the limo pulled into the driveway and waited, out of the house came 5 stunning ladies dressed to kill. The neighbours had beers in their hands again and just starred as the girls got into the car and drove away, they had no idea that one was a man and one of the others had been born male. The drive was about thirty minutes and Jane had arranged for drinks in the limo which helped them all relax just a little bit more. It was like prom night for each of them as the Limo pulled into the drive area of the entertainment complex. Cocktails started an hour before the curtain went up and trays of finger food were offered by waiters in white shirts and black bow ties. The time went quickly as they bought a program, visited the ladies restroom to freshen up their makeup and prepare for a 60 minute first half. The ballet was fantastic and the box seats gave them a great view of the stage and other patrons as they all enjoyed the show. A short interval and another drink then back in for the last 45 minutes, it was going to be late before they got out of the theatre let alone fed.

It was nearly 10pm as they walked into the restaurant next door to the theatre and the place was filling rapidly with other people that had made similar bookings. Their table was surrounded by people but the girls had drunk so much and were so hyped up nothing was going to stop their fun, especially not Kerry’s fun. The waiter took their orders and had the food on the table within 15 minutes, this was just a normal evening for them, show finishes at 9:45 food at 10:15. The noise level was high so Kerry had trouble listening to the conversation but just enjoyed being out and dressed so stylishly she could have sat here for hours. At 11 o’clock Jane called for the limo to pick them up, it would be around 20 minutes and the girls decided to pay the bill and go outside so they could talk.

There was a pathway down to the river and they went for a short stroll to see the lights of the city reflected in the water. The evening was not cold so the walk was comfortable and they found the pathway well lit as people walked past them arm in arm. The girls chatted about the ballet and the evening, the meal and of course the stunning new girl, Kerry and the fun they had been having together. The limo pulled into the car park and waited for them, the drive back was a lot quieter than the first ride and they just relaxed in the comfortable seats of the limo. It was nearly midnight before they had paid the bill and entered the house. As Kerry saw the clock she could not help but think about the fairy tale about the Ball, midnight and changing back into plain old Cinders and wondered what would become of Kerry after the clock struck midnight. As they say, that is another story and one that has not been written or dreamed of yet.

Onwards
The next week was just like normal, work and more work in the new office area. The builders had finished their job and the company came back together for their first staff meeting for a while. The overwhelming opinion was that productivity went up due to the reduction in travel time and the ability to keep working later in the afternoon and after tea time. The billable hours figure supported the comments and the boss was quite happy that the disruption hadn’t hurt financially. The only thing the team missed was the social interaction of being in the same area together and the bouncing of problems off each other.

While they all talked about the work they had completed it was Paul that had the least to say about how he felt about the week at home. Somehow the others would have had little understanding of the joy he had during the week, let alone why. At night things got back to normal following the heavily weighted “Kerry Time” last week. By the end of the week Paul and Janet had not really talked much about what the future would hold for Kerry, it was Friday evening before they got time to talk. Over the usual Friday drinks and cheese Janet wanted to know how much Kerry Time Paul would like to ask for. It was hard for Paul to express himself due to the fear of the past and his expectation of disagreement and argument from Janet but finally he put forward a plan that he thought could be acceptable to both. It included a support group meeting every second Wednesday, a couple of other events and the freedom to dress when working from home. Apart from that Kerry would only fully come out by joint agreement although the chance of wearing underwear was also agreed upon.

On Saturday the day started as usual with breakfast in bed and then housework but by lunchtime it was decide that the afternoon would include a trip to the Art gallery in the city that Janet walked past every day on her way to work. Kerry was hoping to get invited but just kept quiet and waited for Janet to make a comment, which never came. Instead Paul and Janet had a great time looking at artworks trying to decide what the artist could have been thinking about as they painted or sculpted the work. On the way home they picked up some food for dinner and a few supplies for the weekend. It was just before they got home that Janet asked if Kerry would like to join her for dinner since it had been nearly a week since she had been out anywhere. The acceptance took less than a second to be thought about and given back to Janet as a definite yes.

As Janet prepared the evening meal Paul went through the shower, shave process and removed any extra hair that had grown during the week before choosing an outfit for the evening. Kerry chose the grey skirt and sapphire blue jumper and black heels, she had already been wearing a nice pair of knickers and stockings during the art gallery trip so adding a bra and breast forms completed the outfit. The makeup took a while to get right as she could not get the eyes to look good enough, maybe lessons would be a good idea. Of course the special K necklace and large earrings had to be used as well as the ankle chain and rings. As she entered the dinning room the candles had been lit and the music was playing in the background, a glass of white sitting ready for her.

Over the dinner and then dessert they talked about the day at the art gallery and what some of the more interesting items were supposed to represent. Kerry enjoyed the relaxed time and the discussion of artworks but mostly the time being dressed and treated like a woman, she did not see that Janet also enjoyed having a woman to talk with. They talked about the clothes they had worn and Kerry offered some suggestion on how Janet’s outfit could be dressed up for a more formal look. Janet found that having Kerry give fashion comments was easier than she expected and surprisingly well balanced. Sunday was going to be a free day with nothing planned so Kerry asked about going to the afternoon movies and then dinner at the little Italian restaurant in town. Janet had enjoyed the last movie night and asked about inviting the other girls, a quick phone call and the movie time was changed to 5pm with dinner afterwards.

As they went to bed the talk was about what they would each wear and what they could do before the others arrived. It was decided that a trip to the Museum would take around four hours and be easily fitted in with the other plans. Sunday was a sleep in day with breakfast in bed and late start, by late morning they started to get ready, Kerry taking the most time. Janet had listened to the fashion comments and made some changes while Kerry selected the black slacks and burgundy sweater and heels and opted to carry the black jacket in case it got cold. Kerry did her makeup after making sure that the 5 o’clock shadow would stay hidden until well after dinner. A light shade of brown eye liner and blusher along with burgundy nails gave a very gentle look but an air of classic quality. It was just after lunch by the time they arrived at the museum and parked the car nearby, so they chose a coffee in the café instead of lunch.

There were only a few groups in the museum so they were able to walk and talk without being interrupted or overheard. Many of displays had been moved around since their last trip but it was a much quicker tour than they had planned on so after only two hours they left the museum and walked back into the city. It was Sunday trading so the shops were still open and specials could always be found. Janet asked if Kerry would help her choose some new clothes for work and headed into the nearest mall looking for a cheap store. Kerry also looked around but for a better quality store and grabbed Janets arm to stop her from entering the cheap shop. The new fashions included reds and blacks, bold greens and browns with simple lines and easy to wash but Janet probably would not like the tighter fit and shorter skirts that Kerry had in mind.

Kerry started to look around and selected a couple of longer skirts and tops to get the right sizes and keep Janet onside with the colours. Slowly she changed the length and size until Janet wore a very nice outfit in similar colours to Kerry’s own clothes but with a skirt that came to about five inches above the knee. The jumper was tapered and tighter than normal to give shape to her, well, her assets. Janet started to make objections but Kerry just looked at her and mouthed the word “Yes” to let her know that it was out of her hands and the purchase was going to be made. If Janet didn’t wear it then Kerry would as her size was now very close to Janet’s dress size and Kerry really liked the new fashions. A few more shops and Janet had a couple of mix and match outfits for work in the latest colours and shapes.

Just before closing time they stopped and had coffee and cake as dinner was going to be late tonight. Janet had another look at her new work clothes and shook her head at the choice of colours, not her normal ones or fit but she was beginning to understand that Kerry had some fashion sense and could be trusted. The movies started at 5.30 so they had to walk over to the cinema complex, get tickets as well as meet the other girls. As soon as they had bought tickets Kerry suggested a trip to the Ladies room, she needed to adjust her makeup, this was still a threat for Janet and she told Kerry about her doubts. Kerry asked if she should go to the gents instead, the answer was obvious so they headed off to adjust their appearance. Kerry went straight into a toilet stall without looking around and sat down, which she did normally even as Paul. A few minutes later she was standing at the mirrors using her eye liner to emphasise her eyes, and then some shadow to complement the look, an extra coat of lipstick and then a coat of gloss to make them shine. Janet just stood there in amazement watching as Kerry made small changes but ones that had a significant impact on her look.

Leaving the ladies room they found Liz and Jane standing with their tickets and popcorn ready to go in, they kissed each other as Jane checked out Kerry’s makeup. “You are really getting the hang of doing your own makeup, it looks very good” said Jane as Liz nodded in agreement. Kerry just stood there and let the comments sink in and watched Janet wondering what she was thinking about. The movie was about to start so they went in finding a middle row and sitting down with Kerry in the middle. It was an average movie, slightly funny but nothing over the top or violent just a nice time out. As they left the cinema together they saw a couple of their friends coming in through the doors, would they be able to read Kerry who they had known as Paul for several years? Kerry stopped dead in her tracks before being grabbed by Jane, “I’ll say you are a friend from back home” said Jane as they walked towards them. The couple approached and said hello to the three girls they knew and looked towards Kerry, “This is my friend, Kerry” said Jane and Kerry held out her hand. It was a very slow motion few minutes as the girls each talked to them and let Kerry slip to the outside of the group. Liz took the lead for once and mentioned the next booking they had for dinner and said good bye. Outside they just looked at each other and laughed, even Janet, the couple had no idea who Kerry was and that was good, for all of them.

The café had a small crowd for a Sunday night so the girls selected a table in the alfresco area of so they could talk and see everything that was happening on the cappuccino strip. The waiter came, delivered a water bottle and menus before leaving them to make their choices for dinner and drinks. Kerry was a bit shaken by the meeting and needed to go to the toilet to compose herself, Liz asked if she needed company and got up to come with her. While this happened Janet and Jane made small talk until Janet finally asked Jane what she really thought of Kerry’s makeup since she had made comments. Jane complemented Kerry on her eyes and the impact they made, the choice of evening colours, Janet thought that the look was very “out there” and said so. Jane just laughed and called Janet “grandma” then told her to get modern, the look was very good and made Kerry look very attractive. Liz and Kerry returned looking more relaxed and composed. As the waiter returned they placed orders and handed the menus back, “enjoy your night Ladies” said the young uni student and smiled. “Not bad looking” said one of the girls, “shame we are so old, and married” said the other and they just giggled.

Over dinner they talked about the ballet evening last weekend and the fun they had getting all dressed up and doing their hair and makeup, of course Kerry could identify with this and added her comments of joy and excitement. The overwhelming decision was to do it again before the ballet season was over. Liz took a phone call from her girls then asked if they could join us in the café as they had been out all day and needed a lift home. As the two young girls walked into the café the waiter brought two extra chairs over to the table and took a drinks order for the girls. They wanted to sit near aunty Kez as they now called her. Over the next 30 minutes they kept asking Kerry about how she was feeling and her makeup. Somehow the plan for another ballet night came out and they both got invites to be part of the girl’s night out. Around nine o’clock they all decided that the evening had to end due to work on Monday and they left for their own homes after hugs and kisses all round, even aunty Kez got hugs.

Driving the car into the driveway, Kerry parked the car and walked into the house feeling like another step forward had been made. The time was almost 9:30 but Janet asked about a hot drink before bed and put the kettle on, she wanted to talk to Kerry and knew that it would be better out of the bedroom. Kerry sat down at the kitchen table sensing the need to talk but allowing Janet to start it. Janet had been having nagging questions about the ease that Paul had swapping from Paul to Kerry and back again without missing a beat. Kerry tried to understand the question but had difficulty in expressing it so Janet had to be clearer with her question which she did. “How can you be Paul one minute and Kerry the other without going mad?” asked Janet. This had been Paul’s initial question some 16 months prior when he had approached a trained psychologist asking for help. “The problem starts when you see two people and two characteristics” started Paul knowing that it made little sense even to him. Over the next hour they talked about the multifaceted view of people and how we can be several things to different people such as father and son, but at all times the same person. Kerry was the feminine side of Paul, the part that found clothing and all things soft of interest while Paul had to handle day to day male tasks such as earning a good income and being the husband / protector of his wife. Very macho and false but it outlined some of the stereotypical garbage that went around during his upbringing.

The other aspect that came up was the need to have safe places that we can go to where we are able to relax and be our selves without being made to conform. Also a place where the pressure of the day and life cannot reach into and cause stress. Janet had heard this mentioned during the last few months and asked how close Paul had come to throwing it all in, not quite sure what she was asking. Paul wanted to tell the truth and talk about suicide or separation but felt that Janet could not handle it so headed towards a vague notion of walking away from church and work etc. Janet seemed either happy with the comment or just didn’t want to pursue the obvious but it was dropped. Janet summed up what had been said in one phrase “Paul and Kerry are the same person and the clothes and name help define how they react or behave to situations” It is a balancing act, a compartmentalizing to keep sane as long as both parts are free to get expression and time. Another step forward had just been made and they retired to bed and the matching nighties.

To be continued ... Paul continues to work but finds an unexpected present for Kerry to enjoy

As we are liberated
from our own fear,
our presence automatically
liberates others.

--Nelson Mandela
{1994 Inaugural Speech}

Thanks to those that have given me feedback as to formatting and improving the readability of my writing. We see our own faults rather dimly at times.

The next few weeks involved much work and some weekend work for both Janet and Paul but Kerry was happy being free to just be free. The Work that Paul had to do was mainly in the not for profit sector and this meant being involved in a lot of site work to understand the client's needs even when they had no idea what they were doing themselves. One of the clients that had been brought on board recently had paid for a six week period of site placement and Paul had been allocated to the client. The annual fundraiser was being worked on and was finally unrolled during the first week of placement, the theme was “cross dressing for red cross”. I know it sounds silly but someone had to be driving it from the inside who had more agendas than the United Nations. The local footy team had been co-opted to lend support and the media had even run with it. If you don't believe me just Google the words "Crossdress for Red Cross Australia" there are still some of the photos on the websites although the incriminating ones showing footballers in silk have been replaced

The plan was for the workplace to be transformed for the entire week of the campaign. Somehow most of the staff had embraced the plan prior to the release of the media information and many had elaborate plans to make it work and draw attention. Silently Kerry was skipping with excitement while Paul had to appear to object, macho garbage! When Paul reported back to his boss about the plans at the staff meeting they all laughed and were glad it was him rather than them and yes it would be expected of him to join in to some degree, more complaints for effect.

The event was only three weeks away and at the client site everyone was talking about it during coffee breaks, the committee had made plans to hold a formal dinner as part of the overall project after the Friday workday. It would take a whole week of clothes and many of the guys obviously had no understanding of the amount of clothing they would need to find or procure out of the organisations op-shops which could be returned for credit afterwards. Kerry thought about her wardrobe and how many combinations she could make which were far more than the number of days she had to dress up for. It would however allow her the chance to shop at really cheap rates in the op-shops with full support and in fact she was required to do this for work. Janet thought that it was typical of how Paul made things work for himself but handled the whole thing with more ease than she would have done a year ago. Only one stipulation, the budget was limited to $100.00 after all they had spent far too much lately so op-shopping was a good alternative knowing that Kerry never gave anything back.

Paul’s boss had been interested in how he was going to make an effort to fit in and not make too much of a ridicule of himself or the company. During one of the many phone calls back to the office he asked Paul to drop in and talk to clear up a few question about the site installation. He decided that the company should take an active role in the event as they did with all of the other not for profit clients they had. His idea was to sponsor a cocktails evening after work on Friday prior to the dinner, a prize for the best performer over the week. His creative mind kicked into gear and a plan had been hatched that could be claimed as advertising and sponsorship.

The next weeks staff meeting had all of the staff being told about the sponsorship and that they should consider helping out on the Friday as part of their “community involvement” which was always encouraged. You could have heard the proverbial pin drop as they considered what had just been said. Paul told them that the op-shops had made an agreement on returns and if any of them wanted to shop he would go with them as he needed to find some things. It was going to be a great time at the client’s site for the entire week but as the time approached it became obvious that Paul would have to still perform all of his normal work in his own office before attending on Monday morning. Back home Paul would have made a spreadsheet to compile a list of outfits and options but Kerry had a far simpler way of choosing, she emptied her wardrobe, laid all of the clothes out on her bed and then tried them all on to make sure it worked. Far more fun and it did show that every day was covered except for a silk blouse or two.

On the week before the event it was into the op-shops every lunch time hoping for the last items to be found, instead Paul picked up two pairs of shoes at only $5 each, a vintage long line girdle with garter straps and a very nice teal coloured silk blouse. The other great find was another wig, this one was very similar to the wig Kate used with her a few months earlier for only $35. Kerry had been looking at wigs on the web and the local price for a quality blonde shoulder length human hair wig was more like $350 so she took next to no time to make up her mind. The other consultants had opted for girl friends or mothers to help them and hence spare the embarrassment of shopping all together. By the Friday afternoon drinks on the fourth week everyone that would be involved had chosen an outfit and sheepishly talked about being men in tights and not drag queens, not sure how that made a difference as they all agreed they would look silly in anything they wore but it was for charity. Paul made suitable complaints at the number of days he had to do this and asked about penalty pay rates for having to endure the taunts that would obviously come, the boss making a companywide announcement that it would be seen as unacceptable to make fun of anyone that got involved in the event and that he had made sure he would be suitably dressed for the prize ceremony.

Saturday afternoon came around and Janet had booked Paul into the local hair salon and nail parlour on the excuse that it was a work requirement and besides that it was for charity. After reading a few accounts of others making the “Beauty Parlour” transition they decided that an androgynous look with basic makeup would be fine for going there but Janet arranged for Paul to use a back room for changing during the session. The salon was nearly empty as Paul/Kerry arrived but several women gave him funny looks, maybe it would have been better to come totally en-femme and just leave them guessing. The hair stylist made a comment about the charity event and most of the women just laughed and went back to getting their hair done. By now Paul's hair was long enough to be styled without a wig and together they had decided to give the stylist a chance at using his own hair. Paul sat down to get his hair washed and unzipped his tracksuit top revealing a white low cut tank top and the outline of a bra as well as clear bra straps to the stylist. She just carried on as if nothing had happened.

As they went to work on the hair a nail technician came and checked out the nails, surprisingly well kept for a man and could have just used a good coat of nail polish. Instead they had opted for a full set of white tipped acrylic nails, the type Paul had always liked but afraid to ask for. Another person came over and suggested that an eye brow wax and shaping would help but they had to be careful so that after a week it could be vague enough for Paul to return. A slight cut and then some red tints through the black hair and a simple blow dry style that could be done each day and changed at the end of the week was done with minimal effort and time.

Paul asked for the back room as the attention was getting fairly loud and they wanted to make the most of the charity opportunity. They stood up and went through to the back of the salon where a bag of clothes had been deposited on Friday afternoon by Janet. Kerry was already wearing most of the clothes under the tracksuit and it would only take a few minutes to insert the breast forms and put on the short denim skirt and platform shoes. Her legs were smooth again and with a pair of shiny pantyhose, breast forms causing the tank top to jiggle around and the short skirt the look was quite different to the male image that most of the customers had in mind. A quick flick of the hair and Kerry was ready to emerge back into the salon and finish off her nails and eyebrows.

She picked up a small a-frame poster and sponsorship book and walked back to her chair, the ladies now silenced after seeing the before and after. Kerry did a lap of the salon and placed the poster and book in a prominent place before sitting down to the applause of the salon. The salon owner made a short note that the cost of the treatment today was being donated back to the charity as their contribution and encouraged others to support the event. An hour later and Kerry had new eyebrows, long nails, a great hairstyle and several donations in her book as many of the salon clients had stayed around waiting for the final showing. They were not disappointed at the final result and Kerry had a very appreciative crowd as she walked to her car.

Arriving home at 5pm the neighbours were out sharing a beer as usual so Kerry just parked the car, waved and entered the house without letting them see too much. Janet was out finishing the shopping so Kerry went to the mirror and checked out her new style, would it really be easy to hide after the week of fun? As Janet pulled into the driveway she sounded the car horn, which was her way of asking for help, forgetting that Kerry would be waiting inside. So when Kerry came out to help, Janet made very quick steps to get inside away from the viewing eyes across the road.

“Oh well, that’ll keep them guessing” said Janet as she started to laugh, then seeing Kerry and the hair style and nails she stood up to take a full look, the eyebrows made her gasp a little as they were more severe than she had expected.

“I know, they went a tad too far” said Kerry although silently she was very happy with the new look in every detail even the eyes.

Kerry flicked her hair and asked if dinner out was in order and where could they go to without having made a booking. Several minutes later and a night at a nearby small theatre had been booked with late supper to follow in an adjoining suburb.

Janet ran towards the bathroom as she told Kerry to put everything away in the cupboards and help her to choose a suitable outfit to wear. Kerry started to look through Janet’s side of the wardrobe and had a slight problem finding anything that really looked suitable so she turned to her own side and selected the black skirt, red jumper and then added Janet’s black jacket and laid it out on the bed, before heading into the bathroom to start her own makeup. A solid eye liner, shadow and bright lipstick made a stunning change to Kerry’s face and even she had to admit that it was hard to see Paul in the mirror anymore. Janet looked at the pile of clothes on the bed and the lingerie that Kerry had chosen for her to wear and the first instinct was to turn and get something less flamboyant for the night out. Kerry stepped up and told her to try it on and see what she looked like rather than make a quick decision. Kerry swapped the denim for the much longer grey skirt and sapphire jumper, this was one of her favourite outfits and made her feel so natural. As they both finished dressing they looked like a pair of friends ready for a night out so Janet agreed to go with Kerry’s suggestions. The matching jewellery came out of the safety box and together they clipped on earrings and ankle chains.

The show started at 7:30 and that gave them a good hour to drive to the theatre and have a short walk around the beach foreshore before the show. The evening breeze had started to freshen up and the wind blew through their skirts as they walked along the esplanade talking about the week ahead and how it would take longer in the morning to get ready. This would really be a challenge as the 5 o’clock shadow would actually turn up by 4pm every day since the day started at 7am each day. There was nothing that could be done about it and would add to the CD aspect of the charity event. The show was a local production put together with a small group of musicians for backing effects and hand painted scenery but the overall quality was better than either of them had expected. The intermission provided a time to stretch their legs and get a glass of wine before being herded back inside for the second half. The second half was a different format with some very funny comedy mixed with slapstick humour and pantomime. There was the obligatory “Panto Dame” in large frilly pants, hairy chin and facial mole for effect along with false boobs and wig. Janet and Kerry just roared with thoughts of next week and the possible looks that the guys would create without much insight into passing in public but I guess the intent was to be obvious rather than credible.

Supper was nearby and the café had a mix of light meals and drinks to cater for the theatre and movie crowds that spilled out after each show. They chose a small table and selected a plate of Turkish breads and dip along with Caesar salad Coffees and mud cake, not bad for a quick night out. Janet was getting quite used to having Kerry along and hardly made any signs of being on edge or scared about being spotted out with a guy in a dress, there again Kerry had changed so much in the last few months that even close friends found it hard to tell who she was. They just chatted like two mature girls after a night at the theatre before heading back to the car and a short drive home along the beach front. Kerry stopped in a small parking area overlooking the moon lit beach and let Janet just enjoy the scenery, water always made her feel at peace and especially when it was a good view of water and waves. Neither of them had realised that even as Kerry the driving was her job and not Janet’s, some things just seemed better that way.

The next day was Sunday and a leisurely day around the house catching up on reading and watching a movie at night aware that the next day would be full on. Paul had arranged with his boss, Bill, to arrive later than normal and get introduced as a temp worker as Paul had to leave the state on urgent family business. Bill had no idea how good Paul would look but played along with the plans they had agreed upon as he wanted to be seen as supporting the charity event. So the next morning it was an early start, shower, shave all over, makeup and then a very comfortable grey skirt and jumper with shiny nude pantyhose and modest heels. A handbag and plain stud earrings for the office look along with watch and of course the special K necklace that was Kerry’s favourite. The makeup was simple but very well done in light colours to match the general style worn by the girls in the office. The freeway traffic was heavy as usual and took Kerry longer than she had planned to get to work. As she entered the building she took several deep breaths to calm her nerves, this would be the first time anyone other than the girls had seen her.

Kerry stepped into the reception area and waited at the front desk until the office girl approached, Kerry asked for Bill by name while she stood there with her bag slung over her shoulder and back turned to the board room where she knew Bill would be coming from. As she heard Bill coming down the passage she turned to greet him with an out stretched hand, she could have knocked him over with the proverbial feather as his jaw hit the ground. Bill had expected a good try from Paul but not this good, he had to adjust his mind trying to find the face of one of his staff members and finding nothing of similarity to latch onto.

“Lets meet the team” he said escorting Kerry into the board room and offering her a chair near his. “This is Kerry and she will be helping us with a few things while Paul is out of the state” he said as each of the team introduced themselves to her.

A full 30 minutes later in the middle of the implementation review stage it was time for the status report on Paul’s client site. Kerry shifted forward and started giving the report as to progress and work that was planned for the week ahead and as she came to a close she produced the same poster and sponsorship book that she had at the salon.

“Not forgetting the charity event you can all put some money in for me” she said and leaned back in her chair. It was only then that the guys stared and made funny noises in their mouths like choking on too much drool.

Only one of the girls in the team had spotted Kerry and picked up the telltale signs, mainly because she had lived in Sydney and was aware of the TG scene and how they blended in. The receptionist came in when Bill told her the truth and she could not believe it was the same person she spoke to every single day at work. “You really have tried hard to make a statement” said one of the guys and others sheepishly said things about how they had been making plans for Kerry that would definitely have to be put on hold now that they knew it was Paul. Bill mentioned that the weekly client duties had to be completed as normal and that everyone was expected to make an effort for the Friday drinks and the charity event. Kerry had set a very high bar for them to hit. The room cleared with many shaking their head as they took another look at Kerry and tried to spot Paul. Bill wanted to say a few things before Kerry went off to the client site and he reiterated that the charity event was for fun and that Paul could enjoy himself as long as the work was being done. He had little understanding of how much fun Kerry was having. A quick visit to his desk and it was on the road to the next showing, the client’s staff would be ready for morning tea by the time Kerry arrived and a fashion parade had been planned from each section.

Parking the car in the undercover parking area Kerry walked carefully while listening to the click of her heels on the hard surface enjoying the thrill of the show. The boss had quickly created a new company ID tag just before she left this morning to wear on the client site so as she approached the security desk she was waved through with no trouble, the guards standing there in uniform dresses and blonde wigs while trying to look tough. The lift to the main computer area opened straight into the staff area where morning tea was well underway. Kerry spotted the project manager and headed for him to introduce herself as the temporary employee for the week. Gary was dressed in a simple short skirt and blouse but had used two bags of birdseed for boobs and they just hung there, his face was more like a clown with red blusher and lipstick framed in a blonde wig in the Shirley Temple style.

Kerry stretched out her hand as she approached and said “My name is Kerry I believe that you have been told about Paul not being here this week”. Gary smiled as he shook her hand and being divorced for the last four years, several thoughts went through his head in less than a millisecond none of them contained the word Paul.

It had been decided that those people not participating in the dressing had to either wear a badge or T-Shirt to show support and also give some indication of who was so Gary asked Kerry if she had picked up one of the badges. Kerry thought for a moment do I say yes or no, such an opportunity, to go Dressed or hidden, there really was only one choice as the boss knew about it and would drop in just to see the spectacle.

“Thanks Gary I won’t need a badge, what do you think of my outfit?” she said as Gary’s mouth open wide just before he shouted “No way is that really you Paul”

Gary had spoken so loudly that the staff area suddenly stopped and everyone turned around to see what had caused the trouble. Standing in the centre of their stares was Kerry who simply twirled around to show off her skirt and legs to the shocked group. Then as they say it all broke loose as they wanted to know how she had done it all, several of the girls came to check her out, the nails, the eyes and yes the chest did look so good. Several of the guys had obvious problems assimilating the image with their own thoughts and sexuality so they stood there like stunned mullets. Ten minutes later the break had finished and they all went back to their jobs as Kerry found her cubicle area and setup her laptop and connected into the server ready to continue testing the reports she had written last week.

During the morning several of the corporate types from upstairs came around to chat with the staff and also to check out the quality of the outfits, but Kerry was always pointed out by Gary as if he had something to do with her performance. The challenge this week was going to be related to getting serious answers from people dressed in skirts or clown outfits while they looked at her. Relating to the girls was always easy and they only made small changes to how they talked with Kerry, more touchy feely as if she was now one of them.

Lunchtime came around and while Kerry was finishing a report for printing a fairly attractive girl wearing a nametag of Sarah came up to her desk. “Were you thinking of going out for lunch today?” she said and stretched out her hand “my male name is Sean.”

Kerry stood and gently shook her hand suddenly both of the girls realising they had more in common than just a good week ahead of them. Sarah mentioned a lunch bar just down the road that did great sandwiches and had enough room for people to sit down. Kerry grabbed her purse and they headed for the lift, as they headed for the main door the only people going outside were wearing the badges, the dressers had all brought their lunches for some strange reason. The lunch bar was starting to get busy but they ordered lunch and found a table and ate their things fairly quickly. Sarah had medium length red hair that was obviously her natural colour and very light eye brows that had been trimmed only slightly to form an arch. Her makeup worked very well and the freckles made a child like image that could have put her at mid twenties. Kerry wanted to know how she had known about her and why she had invited her to lunch. It seems that the word was going around as to who made the most impact and one from each floor was being selected each day for the contest. Kerry’s name had made the list today as had Sarah and a few others.

“How long have you been dressing” asked Kerry assuming the thought they both had about the other.

Sarah told a very similar story to most of the TG community, a life of doubt followed by years of collecting clothes and makeup then purging, being found out and rejected, deciding on life in the closet, then finally having no alternative but to embrace the feelings and then find some relief from the constant pressure from within. Sarah’s wife had allowed her to go so far but was not happy even being seen with her outside the house or the TG club rooms. Sarah hoped that this week they could go to the dinner on Friday night and she would feel safe to come along. Kerry told her story and how much she had grown in the last three months since being let out of prison. Sarah asked if Janet could call her wife and invite her along to the dinner on Friday. As they walked back towards the building the lunchtime crowd would not have seen anything unusual just a couple of girls returning from lunch. The rest of the day went quickly and as they left for home several of the guys said that they had to try harder on Tuesday, after all it was their organisation and they needed to support it fully.

By the time Kerry got home, the thrill of the day was only matched by the pain of the feet from the shoes she bought at the op-shop. Janet was there to greet her with questions about the others and how it went at work with the other team members. Over a cuppa Kerry talked about the different outfits that the guys had on and the ways that they choked when she was revealed. Then she spoke about the lunch meeting with Sarah and the request to invite her wife to the Friday dinner, Janet was a bit taken back by this but agreed to have a look at it over the next few days. It would be a big step to actually have another CD’s wife to talk to and could bring up more pain for herself. The story about Bill and the team meeting was the highlight of the stories and Kerry told Janet about all of the comments and funny looks she got before breaking the news. Janet could tell how much fun Kerry had during the day by how much detail she had remembered and wanted to talk about especially the way she got away without being ribbed about it. Dinner was late and as Kerry removed all of her makeup she found that looking back into the mirror was a face that was still very feminine and not at all the normal face she had grown up with. Tuesday’s outfit was going to be a slightly tighter skirt and blouse with jacket and more jewellery and earrings. It was an early night as Kerry was feeling tired and needed to get up early the next day.

Tuesday, the chance to flash some leg and see how far she could push the boundary, well at least make a dent in the fence. The shower shave and preparation time was much longer than Paul took especially when it came to the makeup, a touch more eye liner and shadow, more lipstick and gloss, then a waft of perfume. Of course the special K necklace that made a kind of statement that she was special and had to keep reminding herself of the facts. Kerry had chosen the red shoes to match her red blouse and although her feet would probably regret the choice her ego would definitely not. They made her legs look tighter and longer, the hairless surface and shiny stockings also helped and yes they were stockings today but no one was expected to see them yet.

The drive in was just like any normal day, watch the traffic, park the car, and then the walk through the car park, click clack of the heels. It was a sound that made her feel like a woman the right to wear heels and make a noise that drew attention to the legs. As Kerry got to the lift she was joined by Sarah, she had also lifted her game a bit and cleavage was the only word to describe her outfit.

“What did your wife think about this” asked Kerry as they entered the lift.

“Not much she was still in bed when I left today” said Sarah.

Sarah wanted to know what Janet had thought about the invite on Friday and if she was going to make the call as it was starting to bother Sarah but Kerry had no answer yet. The morning tea fashion parade was better today and the guys had all tried harder, on other floors the response had also been better but on one floor, Toni had really come out of the closet so to speak. Sarah brought her down at lunchtime and they all went back to the same lunch bar as yesterday.

Tony had been very cautious about being seen and had opted for the support badge on Monday until he had seen the fun that others had and especially Sarah and Kerry. Toni had been hurt previously at work and was aware of the cost to being tagged as TG in a not so understanding state. The response of management to encourage the fun helped her come out of the closet to some degree, and that she had done. Her clothes all spoke of quality and careful choice, they all fitted perfectly and matched in every way her hair had been done since Monday, her nails and makeup were perfect. Over lunch she shared her story of hurt at work and home and how the only place she went was to an understanding sister that had never married but kept a very nice house near the hills with a room just for Toni to visit. So last night she had raced up there and got the help she needed as well as the peace to dress properly before work. Her sister was going to attend the dinner on Friday with her as well. She wanted to know about Sarah and Kerry but time only allowed for a couple of quick comments before having to return to work. The walk back to work was quite quick as they had missed the clock, this would cause some comments about girls talking.

During the afternoon Kerry got an urgent email about some system errors that had occurred due to the latest upgrade she had installed at her client sites over the weekend. The only way to fix them was a site visit and roll back of two files and reset the permissions before reinstalling the files. Yes it had to be done quickly before too much data was lost. Kerry did the changes at the site and excused herself for the rest of the afternoon. How was she going to explain the clothes she thought as she left the car park and headed down the road to the first site, Bold and Beautiful, was the only way to go. Parking nearby she gathered up her laptop, poster and sponsorship book and headed into the office. No one in the foyer, electronic security swipe card to get into the admin floor and still no challenge, then her project manager for this site met her in the corridor.

“Can I help you with something?” said Bruce, more like an accountant than a person looking to help you.

“You sure can Bruce, place this on the front desk for me please” she said handing him the poster and sponsorship book.

He was stunned as he read the poster and looked back at Kerry until he had put two and two together and made more confusion than his little mind could take. By this time one of the accounting staff had come out of the office, saw the poster and screamed out for the others to come and see. Kerry waited for a full audience then twirled around for all to see and waved the sponsorship book. As she left to do the rollback and changes the floor had come to an entire stop, they had heard about the bold fundraiser that was going on but had assumed it would flop and they had no concept of how good a man cold look in a dress.

The second site was more industrial with a full time receptionist and sign in procedures, and escorts to various parts of the plant. As Kerry arrive she walked up to the receptionist and addressed her directly by name, Susan was taken aback as she was certain she had not met the person before. Kerry signed the visitors book and asked for her usual escort also by name.

“Sorry miss but I have no record of seeing you before” she said looking at Kerry.

“Yes you have Susan, read the log book” replied Kerry.

Susan’s face was motionless as she read the name, Paul, in the log book. John had been called to the foyer and introduced to Kerry, John was now very interested in the woman that needed his attention not realising that they had installed most of the accounting system together and even spent time at the pub drinking on Friday night after work.

Kerry just leaned closer and said “come on John its only me, Paul” and walked into the accounting department ahead of him.

Again the poster and sponsorship book was placed on the front area as the IT guys and admin staff came to look and ultimately to pay the price of a good show. The third site was closer to home and another not for profit client but in a different sector of the community. Likewise they had heard of the campaign and thought it was going to be a minor success given the number of sporting stars that had been co-opted to help in promoting the dinner on Friday night. Different site but same responses from people that Paul had worked with for over 15 weeks, they had to come and look and of course the price was made clear.

During the afternoon Kerry got a call from Sarah wanting to know about going out after work on Wednesday so they could all talk, Toni had offered her sisters place to freshen up and change if we wanted to. Just a small local café in the hills a few drinks and finish by nine so that it would mean home before 9:30pm, still early enough. Kerry called Janet to make sure that she was OK with the idea, it turned out she had been invited to one of those horrible party plans and now had no excuse to decline the invite and promised to get Kerry back for it. When Kerry got home it was the same questions, how did it go and who won the floor votes for best dressed. Kerry talked about Toni and how she had been hurt at her previous workplace, ostracised by family but ultimately made a great effort at work today. It was another early night after putting her hair into curlers and sitting in the lounge in her nightie and reading a book for a few hours. Quiet music and no TV, that’s television not transvestite.

Kerry had planned Wednesday as a black slacks, jacket and semi transparent blouse day, with her corset underneath to make an hourglass figure and accentuate the bust line. After all a girl has to put her best options forward. The competition was getting better each day as guys and girls engaged the help of family members to make a noticeable difference. Wednesday was half way in to the event so totals for sponsorships had started to be displayed, this was not a winnable event for Kerry as she saw it as far more fun than financial. Still the figures were looking very good for most of the people involved and the goal post was closer than last years event.

The local footy team had been on national TV wearing dresses and talking about player review nights etc, this had added to the media interest and they had booked a live cross just before the mid day news segment. Just before the crew arrived the PR manager came around and chose a few people to be part of the crowd scene. Along with five others, Toni, Sarah and Kerry had been selected and found no way to get out of the act. It would be local and lunchtime so minimal risk they thought, and it was for charity etc. The camera crew came along and the talking head was made-up and told where to stand. The lighting and camera team worked around her until it was time to start, then the PR manager called everyone to their places as backdrops. The camera guys were moving around looking for a good shot for the news reader to use as an intro frame. Then they found the three of the girls and the rest as they say is news. Lunch was provided and the staff all stood around and compared how each floor was going, who was trying the hardest and who was holding the most votes for Friday night. Somehow the three girls had all been glossed over as they tried to blend into the background and just enjoy the fun of leaving the closet for a week.

After work Toni had given them instruction to her sisters place in the hills, a short drive and then they arrived at a stunning country house with large gardens surrounded by hedges and rose gardens. The ideal place to retreat to when life got too hard or noisy, Toni’s sister Jacky, met each of the girls with the offer of cold drink or tea, very proper for the setting. Jacky had never married but loved her peace and quiet along with her brother Tony, or as she was known around her Toni. This was a safe zone where the outside was actually that, outside the hedge, far enough away that it could be dismissed. The house was larger than first impressions and had six double bedrooms and an ensuite, a large dining room and outdoor tennis and BBQ area behind another high hedge.

“Quite the country retreat” she said showing us around the place with our drinks in our hands, “it used to be a B&B before I bought it” said Jacky.

Toni excused herself first and went off to get changed as we finished our drinks and chatted with Jacky. Kerry was eager to find out why she was so supportive of her brother and allowed him free run of the place. It turns out that she had seen the hurt caused by the workplace disagreement and the rejection he had endured that brought him to the point of suicide before he finally spoke out to her one night. Jacky had moved quickly and placed injunctions on the company on the grounds of mental hardship and unfair treatment under the sexual discrimination acts. The out of court settlement was enough for Tony to settle down and regain some life before having to go back to work. Although it was never at the same salary level due to the impact on his professional standing, that’s why the n-f-p sector had snapped him up, the price was right and the pressure would be much less as well. Only one of his new bosses had any knowledge of the situation and promised not to disclose the facts since it made no difference on his working standard.

Sarah and Kerry were shown to areas where they could shower, shave and change before going out for dinner. The rooms had large dressing tables with makeup lights and space to layout their clothes, a room for each of them and a large double bed made up with quilts and pillows as if the owners had just stepped out for a moment. Kerry started to dream about the possibilities of the place and a midsummer night’s ball. Sarah knocked on the door and entered wearing a stunning red dress and black patent shoes and handbag, the evening was just warm enough to get away without a jumper she thought. Toni had changed into a short black dress with a slit up the back and panels of lace down the sides and a halter neck tied into a large bow that flowed down her back. She had put on stockings that had heels and seams sewn into them, Kerry made a note to get some as soon as she could. Kerry had chosen a dark brown handkerchief style of skirt with cream coloured flowing blouse and wrap around woollen shawl, not as glamorous but very country or peasant looking. With brown boots and a brown handbag she was still very ready to stand her ground. As the three of them came back into the lounge area Jacky made them stand and get photographed. It was at that moment that Sarah noticed the news report and their three faces large as life on the screen. The evening presenter had a few comments from other management people at the charity and more footage of the fashion styles followed by the sports stars and the information about tickets for the Friday dinner.

As they drove to the restaurant the concern was about how many people would put the faces together with knowing where they worked and make the connection. Kerry told them about meeting two friends at the cinema and not being read even after two minutes of close chatting and that was before the hair and nails. Sarah relaxed but could only think of her wife back home. Kerry’s mobile phone rang and Janet congratulated them on being news stars for 15 seconds, she wanted to know which one was the red head as she looked so good. Sarah was impressed and thanked her for the compliment hoping her wife would be so understanding.

The mid week crowd was very small so finding a table out of the way was easy as they sat down to order their drinks and meals. The background music was soft enough that Kerry could hear properly what was being said without having to strain or ask for it to be repeated. The drinks came with the garlic bread and Tapas plate so they had plenty of time to chat about their life stories and how they felt about being controlled or corrected by others that had no understanding of their special gifts. Toni started to talk about the feelings of suicide and the absolute lack of any hope for the future that had driven her to the edge. Sarah and Kerry understood where she had been and confessed that without help any of us could end up there. The need for support and people to talk with about our feelings without ridicule was essential, the concept of stop it now or else did nothing for the person fighting to come to grips with the issues in their own life.

Toni had a very supportive sister and Kerry mentioned how lucky she was, after all most siblings took delight in sticking it to the others with little mercy. Sarah wanted to know if something had helped Jacky become so helpful to Toni. Toni said that it was really her story and we should ask her directly one day as we would find it very interesting and she would be happy to share it with us. The dinner arrived along with more drinks and time between each course to allow for talking, the art of culinary delight is best served with time and we had plenty of things to talk about. It was as if each person had to get their story out onto the table before the chance was gone, before the clock struck twelve and the coach turned back into the pumpkin. Kerry was the first to mention how long it had been since she knew that she needed a special person to talk to, one that knew exactly what was going on in her head. Sarah and Toni just nodded and a small tear formed in Toni’s eyes as she spoke about the loneliness of being TG in a very harsh world.

The drinks got refilled as dessert came around on a wooden trolley that had four levels of cakes and pastries, tempting for any one that wasn’t watching her figure. Each of the girls thanked the waiter but declined as they had eaten enough to fill two people. As they drove back to Jacky’s place the mood was very relaxed, possibly due to the amount of wine or the amount of release they each felt after being able to talk about themselves to another person that understood. They thanked Jacky for her hospitality, who made it very clear that they could come up at anytime even if Toni was not going to be there or even stay overnight one day.

The drive back home for Sarah and Kerry was probably the same, Kerry mulled over the things she had said or heard and wished she had more time to chat. There was a sadness about the evening that could only be described as being out of sorts with your circumstances. The constant struggles and doubts, the comments by friends when anything about cross dressing or sex changes came on the tele, snide comments from people that did not know you were TG when a person of different sexual orientation walked along the street, they all ganged up on the individual to pull them down and break their resolve.

Thursday was a new day; Kerry had breakfast with Janet and caught up with the events of last night before getting ready to go to work. A quick check of her work email and she found a calendar reminder about the suppliers marketing web-cast at the office around lunch time, Sarah and Toni would have to go alone today. By this time Kerry had already gotten dressed and had no time to change into less provocative clothes. The very short and tight black skirt and partially see through white blouse with black lingerie and 4” heels was strictly show off material, not for street wear. She had planned on making the most of this week and didn’t want to miss anytime at all. Well, nothing for it they would just have to stare and try to concentrate on the web-cast.

The morning fashion parade was again ever increasing in quality and several new “girls” had stepped up to the mark, there must have been some serious pressure from home to make this work. The new ”guys” also had adopted facial hair, stuffed pillow wadding and even bad breath to make a point and lets not forget the obligatory rolled socks in the jocks trick. All up a very convincing group of people at all levels of the organization trying to have fun and make money for the charity. As far as we could tell no other t-girls came out of their closets but we watched very closely as we worked on each level of the building. Lunchtime approached so Kerry left messages about being away for two hours and left the building wearing a black jacket to cover the see through blouse.

Walking out of the lift at the main office she bumped into Bill coming out from the kitchen and made him spill his tea down his trousers, not a good thing to do to your boss. Kerry apologized but it was too late for his appearance given the timing of the web-cast and every staff member being present as they walked back into the office together. One of the guys who was not present on Monday asked why he had wet himself and looked at Kerry as if to ask who she was before stopping himself and thinking better of it. The web-cast seemed to go on forever and the air-conditioning was not coping with all the staff in one room so they became hot and sleepy at the same time. That was until Kerry took her jacket off without thinking and every guy sat up as did the girls who had been paying little attention to the technical discussion on data base design theory and the speed of processing. Suddenly Kerry was the centre of attention and even Bill had to remind them to focus on the web-cast and not Kerry’s breasts.

As soon as the meeting was finished Kerry stood up to leave but two of the girls pulled her back into the room, they had to know her secrets. The cleavage was too good for just padding and her waistline made them look fat, how had she done it without a lot of help. Kerry was concerned that they would twig to something that could cause a great mountain of pain for her and was not willing to go there. Kerry told them about her friend at the theatre group and special effects latex that could be moulded into any shape they needed, faces, scars, even boobs. The hair and nails had been a sponsorship that Janet had arranged and the clothes came from Janet’s wardrobe or the op-shops quality section. Since the girls had never been op-shopping before they could not argue with her so they just said how good she looked and could they have the boobs afterwards. Kerry just hedged that one she had no intention of giving away $450 worth of breast forms just to hide her secret hobby.

The rest of the day flashed by as everyone was getting excited about the dinner and talking about what they had bought or hired to wear. Kerry just kept quiet about her dress and so did Sarah and Toni, a girl has to have some secrets to surprise the guys with. On the way home Kerry dropped into the salon to get her hair set ready for the next day, the owner could not believe how good she looked, I guess the blouse made impressions everywhere. A quick check of the nails and she was ready to go home, this time no one had laughed or even taken any notice of her, just another girl getting a trim and tidy up. Janet was late home since she had to pick up her new gown for the dinner dance and get Kerry’s from the dry cleaners. They prepared dinner, talked about the daily activities and finally crashed into bed around 9 pm, Friday was going to be a major event and create pressure to get there on time.

The next morning Kerry rose early, showered, shaved and put on her makeup ready for work before Janet was even out of bed. She had chosen the slacks again today but with the red jumper and red high heels this would make sure she did not get too many votes at work, Bill had told her to make sure she did not win. Janet had agreed to book an overnight room in the hotel and save driving home after work or risking a fine for DUI, it was going to be a long night and they wanted to enjoy it. Toni also asked if she could use the hotel room as well just to get ready and Janet had accepted after knowing about her loneliness and the great host her sister had been. Sarah and her wife had made plans to get there by taxi and they would all share a table rather than sit with the other people we worked with. When you find someone that understands you want to spend time with them. Jacky was coming in after work and would be slightly later so she could have the room to herself to get ready while the rest went to the cocktail party. Janet was planning on taking the gowns and bags containing the essentials such as makeup to the hotel ready for their arrival later in the day.

As each person entered the office they received a special award from the CEO to show his appreciation for being good sports and joining in with the fun along with some special vouchers from places like Price Attack and Bras n Things, offers from Witchery and Katie's for discount and a special one for high quality makeup at trade price for the first order. Kerry put those straight into her bag, Janet was not going to get those offers after the effort she had put it. The morning fashion parade was even better than any other day with little snacks and drinks being served by wait staff in costumes, nice little French Maids outfit thought Kerry. The workload was never going to be great today but several items had to be finished ready for Monday morning testing so Kerry had to really push herself. The lunchtime was a working lunch as many sections had agreed to finish half an hour earlier to allow more time for preparation for the nights activities.

So by four in the afternoon everyone was getting a little bit too excited and going from desk to desk asking what everyone had planned to wear etc. The bosses decided to close the office earlier than agreed and let everyone go home to prepare for the nights activities. Toni and Kerry drove over to the hotel and Kerry booked into her room under the name of Paul since the credit card was in his name, he should have thought about that. The counter staff had been briefed that they may see some right sights tonight but Kerry and Toni were hard to believe as they looked so good.

The main event - The Ball and all the confusion. A chance to go away for a weekend and say goodbye to a dear friend.

Toni and Kerry went into the wine bar for a drink to kill the time before Janet arrived, they had been sitting just chatting and watching the Friday crowd wander through the bar area when one of the guys drinking at the bar came over and started to chat to them both. Toni just carried on as if it was quite normal and made suitable comments about his job and how good it must be, not realising that she was being chatted up for a date. When the question came she choked on her drink and went bright red, Kerry had to rescue her quickly without causing hurt to the very attractive young man.

“My niece has a young man back home and I think he would get rather mad if she accepted your invitation” she said trying not to sound matronly or pompous. He stood wished them good afternoon and went back to the bar.

“What were you thinking” asked Kerry as soon as he had gone. Toni made a bashful face and asked what did she mean.

“I just wanted to know how it felt to be wanted and seen as attractive by anyone” said Toni glancing back to the bar.

We call it a core need for every human being, the need to be wanted and valued or desired, to have external approval of who we are and what we have to offer. It can been seen in lots of things we do either at work or play or even in serving others we all need the acceptance of others to prove that we are worth something.

Toni turned back to her drink and said “haven’t you wondered what it would be like to be wanted like that?”

Kerry had to think about that one as it messed with her logical head and caused too many questions that she did not want to seriously look at. “Have another drink” said Kerry to avoid the question and both of them knew the answer they would each have said if they had been honest enough.

Janet arrived just after work had finished and joined them for drinks, neither person mentioning the cute guy. Toni stayed in the wine bar area while Janet and Kerry went to get ready, they would take at least thirty minutes before Toni could go up and start to get ready. Toni entered the suite just after Janet had showered and changed clothes ready for her makeup. Toni looked at Janet and suggested that she make some simple changes to her look that would outline her face more and give real emphasis to her eyes, just the thing Paul had tried to tell her. She listened to Toni and did what she said, to Paul’s surprise, the difference was quite pronounced and made her look much younger.

Meanwhile Kerry had finished dressing in her evening gown, the same one from the ballet complete with corset and stockings. Time for her makeup session to begin as Toni ran into the bathroom for a shower, clothes lying everywhere. Janet said how she found Toni very easy to get on with and that the night should be better than she had thought it would be when they first talked about the event. An hour later and three very attractive girls stepped into the lift and pressed the button for the banquet floor. The door opened and a sea of faces and colour flooded into their eyes, men in frocks, girls in tuxedo’s people in between the two, not sure where they now sat gender wise but taking part in the charity event that would be with them for many years to come.

Kerry found a seating plan and their table number before heading into the cocktail area to meet the other company guys that had been co-opted or pushed into coming. Sadly most of them looked very miserable to be forced into skirts and even the girls looked only partly comfortable with their changes to suits and ties. Bill on the other hand had made a real effort to go with the flow and had a good wig on and a solid makeup job, although it was much too white for the bright lights and cameras. Looking at Kerry he missed the fact that Janet was next to her until Kerry had to introduce her to him again. Small talk and gossip was the order of the day as some people felt very vulnerable in drag as they put it.

Bill had to make a small presentation to the winner of each floor and then to the overall winner so he stood up on a small stage area and blew into the microphone like someone that never used a mic does. He welcomed everyone on behalf of our company and hoped that the night would be a success before receiving the envelopes from the PR team that was overseeing the night. One by one he went through the floor numbers and called each winner out for their award then it came to the accounting floor.

He stopped after looking at the winners name, “accountants are supposed to be dull, colourless and boring according to Monty Python but the winner has blown that idea away this week”. He looked around to find Kerry and then said “floor seven winner is Kerry Brown” Kerry stepped onto the stage at the height of the applause, “ Well done Kerry, I did tell you to make sure you did not win” said Bill as he handed her a small plaque for the event.

The overall winner was going to get a prize for two nights away and full pampering, makeover and beauty treatment for the wife. The crowd hushed as the envelope was passed to Bill who stood there reading the card, happy that it wasn’t Kerry. “This years winner is from the graphics section, Toni Reading” Toni shook with surprise as she had not expected to stand out for anything. As she got the award and prize from the CEO, Bill told everyone that Toni was selected partly because of the way she got behind the event after being initially cautious but then threw her whole self into the fun. Little did they know how much she threw into it and how much fun it had been for her, it was a make or break situation in her life at this point in time.

Sarah and Mary arrived during the presentations so came over to meet Kerry, Janet and Toni with drinks in their hands. Mary was obviously very taken with the presentation of the girls and Kerry saw her looking very closely at her makeup before asking Sarah if Toni and Kerry were really guys or had she made a horrible mistake. Janet stepped over to her and started to chat so she felt better relating to a real woman, she was very surprised at how good the girls looked and had expected more of a drag queen image than a very attractive group of women. Sarah felt a little bit out of it having to dress within the restraints that Mary placed on her and she said as much to Toni and Kerry as they sipped their cocktails and swirled the little umbrellas then carefully chatted about the week they had just had together.

The highlight had been the Wednesday night meal together and Jacky’s house in the hills, who arrived just as they finished talking about her. She kissed Toni and the other girls before being introduced to Janet and Mary, the small group finished their drinks and walked through to the table in the ball room. Janet stayed close to Mary and made sure she was feeling ok as the entertainment started and a clown came out to the sounds of plates crashing and fire crackers going off on stage. It was the charity CEO who had quickly got changed and made-up to act as the MC for the night. He talked about the event and the special people that had contributed so much in time and effort to make it a success then the footy stars that had brought their media following and the members of parliament that came along for the free drinks but had left their dresses at home for once. The crowd cheered at the last comment since none of them had gone to any effort to dress up.

The food flowed during the night as did the drinks, it was going to be a heavy night and the corset Kerry wore would be straining a lot by the end of it. The girls sat close to each other and their partners and Jacky could see the bond that was building between them, even more than during the Wednesday afternoon that she met them. Kerry stood up and picked up her purse and asked if anyone needed a toilet break to freshen up, Mary froze on the spot as the consequences became very real to her forcing Sarah to pass.

Toni stood and said “sure lets go and see the ladies room” and they walked off arm in arm. The hotel had signs on the toilets declaring that the persons using these facilities may not present as the signs showed or in fact be the same gender as the sign, a public disclosure notice to save lawsuits later. Being fair, the hotel had allocated separate toilet facilities for specific gender usage and had maps showing where they could be found.

Inside it was hard to tell who was who and who was what so Kerry did her business and then went to the mirrors to make sure everything was in place and looked good. A few ladies made comments about how good she looked and nothing about her using the wrong rooms, even though they had all seen her during the week and also when she got the floor award. Toni came out and followed the leader to the same comments and gentle touches that girls do to each other as a sign of bonding. Much better than killing animals and blowing things up that men had to do to prove they had what it took to survive. When they returned Mary had composed herself again and Sarah returned from the gents, not happy to use the ladies room for Mary’s sake.

After the meal and several short items from celebrity guests the music started and the dance floor was gently lit up with candle stands and smoke machines to entice the non dancers to give it a go. Kerry always promised Janet one dance a night and any more was bonus so Janet was very surprised when Kerry took the lead and stood up ready to dance. Was it the music the clothes the company or just Kerry finding herself, Janet didn’t care the only question was who was going to lead? Kerry lead and Janet enjoyed a slow waltz around the room followed by a slightly faster one. Kerry obviously enjoyed the dancing far more than Paul ever did, it must have been the flowing gown and the fact that others watched closely.

After the second dance Janet asked to sit down as her back was still sore from standing all day, to Kerry’s surprise Bill came over and asked for the next dance. This really shocked her as dancing with the boss was not seen as good career move for a guy, even one that looked really cute and wore a dress. Bill lead and Kerry tried to compensate for gender changes but to little success and many others saw her fumble the footsteps and tread on his toes. It was then that Bill said how proud he was to see Kerry getting so involved in the event and sacrificing her own feelings for the better good. Little did he know, Kerry would have done this every week given the chance and along with no risk of losing her job. The dance finished and Bill returned her to the table thanked Janet for the opportunity to dance with Kerry and went back to his own table. Staff meetings would be strange for the next Monday or month or year.

The dancing went on until late and the girls all got asked to dance by a variety of work colleagues both male and female as the gender divide was greatly blurred tonight and nobody seemed to care very much. Finally they decided it was winding down and Janet invited them back to the room for coffees before going home, always the host even when away from home. They got into the lift and headed for the penthouse viewing platform and some fresh air, a quick look at the lights then down a few floors to the room and coffees that had been ordered from room service.

The group had somehow found enough in common to make the whole night a great success without the others things happening. Jacky said how she felt proud to know the three girls that had not known each other a week ago and now seemed to be close friends and the help they had been to Toni. Mary also shared how she was very nervous about coming and the media images of the TG community, since clearly the three of them had something the others didn’t have, the drive to be the best they could and enjoy the chance to be free for a week. Sarah asked what it would take to have another night out together and a meal. Jacky then made the offer of her place, if everyone could help with the food we could have a small dinner party and stay over for the weekend, two nights away. The decision was going to be with Mary and Sarah as they had children to look after, Sarah suggested her sister who had four kids anyway so two more made no difference in his opinion. They chose a date in three weeks and Mary offered to co-ordinate the food buying and menu if the girls took care of the drinks, activities and chocolates.

The party broke up around 1 am and the others hired a taxi to get them home while Janet and Kerry just closed the door and collapsed on the settee. They slept well into the morning before dialling down for breakfast in bed and a late check out and then a drive home. Kerry had forgotten to pack any clothes for the trip home so she had to put back on the clothes she had worn to work on Friday and the makeup and jewellery. The front desk clerk gave a funny look as she booked Kerry and Janet out using Paul’s credit card until another staff member told her about the dinner last night, then she had to have a closer look to believe her eyes. Kerry showed her the floor award and thanked the staff for all of their help with the bags and clothes last night. The car had been brought out front by the valet and the bags loaded into the back of the car, Kerry stepped up and got the keys as the valet said “have a nice day ladies.” As they drove home Janet asked Kerry what she thought was the best part about the week at work and what was the worst thing.

Kerry thought for a while then said “the best thing was being able to talk with the other girls and know they understood”. The worst thing for the week took longer to think of and she wanted to be careful before saying anything. The week at work was such a high that coming down from it and returning to “normal” meant a round of grief that was never easy to handle. Kerry knew that it would take at least a week to get over the intense feelings and satisfaction of living as Kerry 24 x 7. The only way she handled it was by looking forward to the next time as Kerry the next time out of the prison.

The next week at work was a fairly unreal atmosphere as everyone tried to return to the roles they normally filled but could not forget the fun they had. The company staff meeting was going to be hard for Paul as the hair and nails still had some signs of the makeover. He had trimmed the nails and changed the hairstyle but it still looked fairly androgynous and the eye brows got raked backwards to make them look bigger. Bill started the staff meeting by congratulating Paul for his energy in working with the clients and taking such a huge risk. The others just joked about his legs being better than some of their clients or their ex-wives while one of the girls repeated her request for the breast forms. Paul never saw the photos until they went on the email newsletter but they all looked very good and he asked for copies.

When Paul finally made it to the client site the morning tea break was just finishing but several of the girls came and talked to him about the impact he made last week and said that he could join them for lunch anytime. Sean came down during the day and so did Tony, both of them showing a little too much female than they wanted to due to the conflict in who they were and who they wanted to be. Tony asked about drinks after work so he could talk to both of them about a small problem he had and needed their input so they booked Wednesday straight after work. Gary made sure he congratulated Paul on a fine effort especially since he was not part of the organization. By Wednesday the place had settled down except for the photo wall that was created in the foyer as part of the final wrap up for the fundraiser. The three girls featured quite heavily in several shots and the group shot was one they each requested for their own collections.

Wednesday came around quickly and as soon as work had finished the three went out for a quick bite to eat and a few drinks. Tony took awhile to come to the point but it was obviously quite an emotional thing for him to talk about as his voice was very shaky and he had to stop often before he could get it all out. He had battled with his feeling for many years and never really had any success talking to others about it but the last week had been so liberating to him and finishing was doubly hard as he had no one at home to talk with. Tony wanted to know what they thought about transitioning at work, the sex reassignment surgery could only be completed after living a full year as a woman. He had thought about the whole thing and could not come up with any reason why he should not make the change to what he had always wanted to be, a woman.

Kerry asked about the incident in the bar on Friday night and how he felt about the whole issue of men and dating. Sean had not known about it but thought it was better to keep quiet and ask later. Tony went through the range of options, single, lesbian, bi-sexual, and heterosexual, which it would be if he made a complete transition. Sean and Paul just sat and let Tony talk it through before they put in their two cents worth. It appeared that it would be the best time to make the jump since the last week had prepared everyone for the possibility of transitioning at work. Management would be supportive and the union already had a general policy of helping GLBT policy formation in the workplace. They offered ongoing support for him and recommended that he speak with the HR department quickly and get a timeframe for transitioning.

They both knew the old joke, what is the difference between a cross dresser and a transsexual? the answer being, about two years. It was a theme that had a large following on the chat forums and the sex question was one that caused the most controversy and discussion. The workplace policies had limited impact as the personal approach was by far the best way to go, an employee letter followed by support from the managers and HR department would help but looking like you fitted in was essential and Toni had proved she looked good. When Paul got home he told Janet all about Tony’s problem and how he would need supporting through the year.

Janet waited until they had got ready for bed before bringing up the obvious question, “would you want to transition” she asked. This was a question he had waited for her to ask every since she found out about Kerry and one that never got clearer in his head. To say yes could mean an end to their marriage, to say no would be a lie so he convinced himself that he had no firm idea. The concept was always enticing given how much he enjoyed “Kerry Time” but the loss of the love of Janet would be too high a loss to bear. If he could transition and keep Janet then he would see that as the best of both worlds but would Janet want to live in a lesbian relationship even with Paul. It was very late before the lights got turned off without the question being truly answered.

Sean had a very similar discussion when he got home but had to be more careful with his answers due to his wife’s tacit support as opposed to the agro she had been giving him for the last five years since she found him dressed in her clothes one night. He had been given chance to continue at home but never when she was around as long as he never changed his male appearance. When the three girls talked about their feelings it was Sarah that had the least to say about herself, it was as if things were just below the surface and she knew that pain would be involved. She had guidelines and rules and had agreed to stay within them even though it was screwing up her peace of mind.

During the night Paul remembered about Kate from the cosmetics shop and thought that being post-op she would be able to share with Toni some valuable insights. The next morning Paul sent an email to Tony asking about meeting Kate next Wednesday after work if Kate was free. The response came before Paul could finish checking his other private emails, yes please and do I have to wait till Wednesday. Paul sent an email directly to Kate outlining the situation with Toni and asked if she would be free for dinner on Wednesday evening, he CC’d Toni as well. Kate responded within a few hours and made one stipulation that Toni come and not Tony, if she had problems now then she would not be even close to making a transition. Kerry loved the idea, another night out to enjoy herself even if it was just to help Toni.

Tony had agreed to let Paul change at his place after work since he lived near the CBD and it was close to the restaurant Kate had chosen. On the Wednesday Paul arrived around 5:30pm with bag and clothes expecting to see Tony in normal work clothes but Toni had been ready since 4 o’clock, she had taken an early minute due to the excitement. Toni was like a little girl going on a date, giggly, nervous, talkative and also very very excited about what was finally happening for her. Kerry shaved applied her makeup and got dressed into a pair of jeans, boots, and green sweater with a broad belt and necklace to match. The look was casual and very respectable for a more mature woman that Kerry was rapidly becoming. Toni showed Kerry the letter she had written to the employees and the one to the manager in HR. The HR one had already been delivered and the other was ready to insert into the email system as soon as she was ready to start the transition. Kerry was shocked at the speed of Toni’s decisions not realizing how often she had planned this time.

A casual stroll down the road and they arrived just before Kate who kissed Kerry and complimented her on the casual look with the hairstyle and nails still very visible. Kerry introduced Toni who by this time was nearly wetting herself with excitement and Kate could tell it was going to be many question before the night was over. The girls talked for ages and eventually the waiter asked if they wanted anything else as they wanted to close up, the girls apologized paid the bill and left, still talking. The next day Toni sent Kate and Kerry an email asking about repeating the Wednesday night next week after she had talked to the HR department and management group. They both accepted and asked if Sarah could come as well since she had very limited time for herself.

On Friday Paul was standing in the kitchen area making a cup of tea when one of the women came in to make a cuppa as well. She seemed to hesitate until they were the only two in the kitchen and then asked if Paul and Tony had enjoyed their meal on Wednesday. Paul just looked at her wondering what to say and who else she had spoken to, this was the first time Kerry had been spotted outside of the known events and thought it could hurt her employment chances. Seeing the concern in Paul’s face the woman assured him that she had neither told anyone nor would in the future as she thought private lives should stay just that “Private”. Paul was still a little shocked but thanked her and went back to his desk without the cuppa, which he had to go back for.

The woman was just leaving and had to ask Paul “do you want to know why I won’t say anything?” Paul didn’t have to wait as she talked briefly about her son and “his problem” as she called it, a young lad trying to come to grips with his own sexuality and the battle within.

The interchange caused Paul to feel very insecure about some of the things he had done over the last few months and the impact on his life. It actually took several days for the doubts and feelings to settle down and it was only when Toni asked him “What part of yourself are you ashamed of?” and the realisation that she had to love herself first.

Toni had chosen a date to transition at work and it would be three weeks after the fundraiser finished and also the week after the combined weekend they had all planned to share at Jacky’s place in the hills. It would be a fitting end to Tony and a good welcome to Toni, Kate was also invited to go along and bring a partner if she wanted to.

The Wednesday evening session came around quickly and the three girls met at Toni’s place after work and again walked down to the restaurant to meet Kate after she finished work. The waiters greeted them all again, remembering them from the week before and asking if they would be staying until closing time with a smile on their faces. The girls laughed and said only if the service was good and they kept the wine flowing. Kate met Sarah for the first time and made sure she sat next to Toni knowing that she would have more questions to ask. As the meal was delivered the number of question that Toni had was surprisingly few so Kate asked her why she didn’t have many things to talk about. Toni talked for a while about making a choice to move ahead and was feeling very much at peace with all the decisions she had made including the date of transitioning since it was only a few days away.

It was Sarah that had the most questions for Kate and Toni, she wanted to know about how friends and family had reacted when Kate announced her decision and how many had stopped talking to her. Kate was a little subdued on this matter and told the girls about what true friends did and how others who could not cope stopped calling her or started making excuses for meeting, very few actually made any negative comments apart from one of her brothers that shouted about being gay and weird and not normal. He had taken two years before he spoke to her again and even now they had limited time together and only at family gatherings. The night finished early as they all had two more days of work and then a good weekend together.

Mary had planned a full menu for the weekend including brunch on Sunday morning at a local eatery, which would be followed by a picnic in the national park before going home. They all drove up there after work and Jacky showed them to their own rooms which had been decorated with flowers, fresh towels and chocolates on the bed. Kate arrived with her partner John who at this rate was going to be the only person dressed as a male surrounded by seven girls of mixed heritage. The girls each took time to unpack their clothes and layout their makeup before showering, shaving and getting dressed. It was planned to be casual on Friday night with drinks and cheese before a meal of salads and cold meats followed by cheesecake and dessert wine.

Mary appeared more relaxed compared to the last time they had met for dinner and she enjoyed taking control of the food and presentation which Jacky graciously let her do. As they each came down into the lounge Jacky handed them a drink and a special envelope containing a red card and a key to the front door. She explained that the red cards could be used at anytime they wanted to pass on any questions that got asked, this was going to be a safe weekend for everyone. Kerry had chosen her jeans, high boots and tight green/brown sweater with belt and matching necklace that she had worn out to dinner one Wednesday. Toni had chosen a short denim skirt with gold stretch sleeveless t-shirt and sneakers while Sarah wore a pair of light brown slacks and chocolate brown jumper and flats.

They all relaxed over dinner and dessert as the pressures of the week faded away and they started talking about the plans for the weekend. Saturday was going to be time to shop in one of the hills tourist towns and then relax or play tennis or even swim in the pool. A pair of bathers was not something any of the girls had thought about yet but there again it was an ideal place to look at it. Kerry didn’t think that a bikini would be appropriate without losing more weight but a one piece could be a consideration if she could find one without creating a stir in the shop. They all sat around talking about work, the fundraiser that had brought them each together and how they looked forward to their times together.

The thing they all appreciated was the chance to talk with someone else that understood what they each felt. Kerry also said that she enjoyed having “Her Time” where she could be herself while knowing that Janet supported or at least accepted the other side of who she was. Mary asked Janet how she could accept all the things that Kerry did without feeling hurt, Kerry chose to be quiet as she also wanted to know why Janet had accepted so much in the last few months. Janet told them about the bond of being married for so long and how she had a friend that she could talk to irrespective of what clothes he or she had on. The years of not knowing had initially hurt her but the thought of losing Paul forever was too great a pain to consider, Kerry was also a great shopper and made sure that she got to try on the latest fashion items even if she found them hard to take on board at times. Her makeup techniques had also improved and also her sense of feeling secure as the only risk to her marriage had been disarmed. The talking went on long into the night over a glass or two of Baileys or Port.

Saturday was a late start as the girls came down to breakfast wearing shorts and tops but with little makeup but still all looking very different to the normal male shells they had left behind at home. They had a few bits of toast or cereal and juice followed by black tea or coffee after all of the wine they had drunk last night. Janet and Mary had gone for a walk early in the day and came into the kitchen carrying some fresh flowers from a nearby property. They all sat around deciding which town to drive to so they could do some shopping and go for a walk, the group decision was split so two couples went one way and the other two the other way. Mary and Janet had chosen a town with a larger shopping centre and clothes shops as Kerry had mentioned buying a pair of bathers to go swimming in. Toni and Kate had decided on a smaller town and walking around a tourist area rather than shopping. It was agreed that since each couple had a front door key the only stipulation was dinner preparation at five, otherwise it was up to them to enjoy the time.

While Kerry drove the car with Sarah in the front, Janet and Mary sat in the back chatting about kids and work, Sarah just enjoyed being out and having Mary so happy for once. The Target store was in the centre of town and hence they parked in the car park and headed off to investigate the town centre. It was a fairly decent size town with several smallish shops doing a good trade for Saturday morning, a few tourist shops and cafes that had people in them having breakfast. As they walked around there were no laughs or pointing just people relaxing and minding their own business. Mary and Janet had found a sweet shop and entered to check out the offerings of chocolate and sugar, Kerry and Sarah trying hard to resist and lose weight so they could look better in their summer outfits in only a few weeks.

After a walk around the town they headed into Target and the swimsuit section, Janet took the lead and chose a pair that she thought would look OK for Kerry, not quite what Kerry had in mind but very comfortable. Mary was tempted to pick a pair for Sarah, at least they had more colour and less material than Janet’s choice thought Sarah. Kerry and Sarah had been looking at bikinis trying to make a choice from flimsy bits of cloth that would not cover their extra parts, good idea but no way this side of an operation they agreed. Back to one piece bathers they said and looked at the girls choices, Kerry deciding that more colour and less material, more like Sarah’s pair. They both selected a matching pair and headed into the change rooms, which luckily consisted of individual stalls which they chose next to each other. A glance at the sign about wearing underwear when trying on bathers was noted, not that they intended on removing their gaffs.

The bathers fitted without letting much flesh fall out so they got dressed and headed back out of the change rooms to find the women who had been looking at the new season’s specials. The style was going to be simple designs and single coloured tops that could be layered to add variety, easy to mix and match but also quick to go out of fashion. Kerry picked up a summer dress with small belt in the same material, red and orange flowers on a white background with short sleeves. The dress had a flair that would make it stand out from her legs and swirl around as she walked but at $129 it was more than she had wanted to spend. With a small white woollen jacket it could be used even after dark in summer but that would be an extra $49 and of course a new pair of shoes and handbag to match would bring it to over $240. They each left with just bathers and headed for a coffee shop in the main street and some lunch.

The others had found a pleasant town with shops in the main street and no multinational supermarkets to drain the local economy or business owners that had supported the community for years. Likewise they found themselves sitting in a café for lunch and ended up talking for over two hours before they decided to return to the house. By the time they got back to the house the others had changed and were swimming in the pool, Kerry and Sarah in matching bathers. The girls all sat around the pool after swimming and enjoyed just soaking up the sunshine and talked about shopping and the towns they had gone to. The afternoon had just seemed to vanish as Mary looked at her watch and said it was time to prepare the evening meal and she needed some help, Janet and Kerry offered so headed off to the kitchen while the others laid out the table. The menu was going to be a prawn salad entrée, followed by Thai red curry on a bed of rice and then instant crá¨me caramels and whipped cream.

The evening meal was planned as formal wear so after preparing the meal and room everyone disappeared to their rooms to get ready, Kerry had bought a new gown made from dark green silk and lace that she found at the op-shop saying that she would wear it to the dinner event. As people came down to the dining room Jacky handed them a corsage for the girls and a button hole for John. The table had been bathed in gentle candles and a centre piece of eight long stem roses, around the room was subdued lighting and music that was loud enough to hear but soft enough to talk over. At one end there was a small painting easel with pictures of Tony through all of his lifetime from childhood until Saturday afternoon. They were served with glasses of wine and small pieces of cheese as they waited for the last person to come down, Tony.

Jacky declared that the evening would be in two parts, a farewell to Tony and a welcoming of Toni. Tony walked into the room dressed in a dark grey suit with white shirt and bow tie, a button hole flower being pinned on his lapel. The meal started with the prawn salad as Jacky started with stories of Tony’s childhood and his growing up, stories of school plays where he had roles as Angels and girls. His life as a university student and the pranks they got up to including student reviews where the entire cast was male and played both male and female parts, no prizes for guessing what Tony played all the time.

The main course was served along with wine and breads and of course the continuing stories from Jacky about Tony’s early working life and the ultimate discovery of his transgenderism and the pain of struggling with discovery and rejection at work and at home. The ridicule through the professional ranks as his employer made it known to others that he was no longer working with them due to doubtful lifestyle choices. The family found it easy to understand his problem but coming to grips with his choice was difficult for many of them including his brother. The usual drag queen stereotype comments and questions of his sexuality followed as he tried to talk about the problem in a personal way, it was something that he felt rather than needed psychological treatment for. Jacky talked about her own doubts and fears with the news until she sat and asked Tony exactly what he wanted to be, he had answered “the woman I know I was meant to be.” Jacky said that she loved her brother and had seen the hurt but also the hope that had grown in the last year and especially the last couple of months. Tony excused himself as Jacky went into the kitchen to bring out the desserts and dessert wine. While Tony was absent the group ate their dessert and talked about all the things that Tony and Toni had done over the years.

It was at least 30 minutes before there was a knock at the door, Jacky asked everyone to stand and welcome Toni into the world. She wore a stunning white gown that flowed like a wedding dress but without the train, as she entered they all turned to admire the dress and could not miss the absolute joy on her face. One by one they took time to give her a hug or kiss and welcome her to the dinner table. They had agreed to say goodbye to Tony and welcome Toni along with offering their support for the coming year of real life test and then the SRS if she decided to go on with it. It was now only 38 hours until the change began in earnest but it had already started as far as this group was concerned and especially Toni.

The party went on into the early hours of the night and as they all sat around Kerry got time to talk with Toni, the joy was obvious but so was her concern about being rejected at work on Monday. The pain from the last employer was still very real and close to the surface but she hoped that this time it would be different. Kerry could easily identify with the hurt from previous employers, her own pain was normally just below the surface, in fact these last few months had been different and she only thought about it when prompted. Not only had the organization been prepared with information and the letter to each employee that had been sent out on Wednesday but they also had very well defined policies to protect people. The email informed people that if they had any questions they could talk to their managers, HR department or Tony. There was nothing they could do for her except be there to talk and support her when the times got hard.

On Sunday morning they went down to the kitchen in dribs and drabs wearing various types of PJ’s, nighties and t-shirts to drink tea or coffee and just sit around. They had planned a late breakfast at a nearby town but wanted to just take their time and relax so it was nearly eleven o’clock before they got to the café. Kerry wore the jeans again with a white tank top covered by a blue denim jacket and high heel shoes that showed her red toenails that matched her fingernails. Around her neck was a new necklace in the shape of a heart with small diamonds on them to make it sparkle, the matching earrings completed a casual look that was dressed up for chic. The others had also made an effort to keep it simple but still enjoy the fun of dressing up and going out.

The café was large enough that they could have a decent sized table and still be away from others for some privacy while having a good view of the hills and everyone walking around the town. Brunch, as it was rapidly becoming, was relaxing and apart from John the girls all chose wisely, low calorie count stuff such as yoghurt, fruit salad, muesli and juices followed by tea and coffee. Kerry was far more concerned with her waistline now that she was out of prison than Paul had ever been.

As the lunch time crowd started filtering into the café it was time for another walk to check out the township, it was small enough that it would only take an hour if they walked slowly and none of them had any reason to rush. Toni had chosen a very summery dress which bounced around as she walked down the road, the last day as Tony and not a visible care in the world although inside she was starting to get nervous. They took their time and checked out the local antique stores and even a second hand clothes shop that was surprisingly good quality, but none of the girls felt like shopping for once.

Hillside towns each had a special flavour, this one was more olde world artefacts like the antiques and clothes that had real appeal for the new retro look that was being sought after. The small group wondered along in twos, threes or by themselves, each person comfortable with who they were and what they were doing until they reached the end of the street where the cars had been left. The plan was to go into one of the national parks and have a picnic but everyone was feeling very contented after a late breakfast so they opted for returning to the “Manor” as they had nicknamed it, the picnic could wait.

Back at the house they thought about packing their cases ready for returning but the resistance was too much so they just left them. The three girls had enjoyed themselves so much, in fact they all had enjoyed the time of chatting, eating and just relaxing without the pressures of the work they all knew was waiting for them back home in the inboxes of all of their computers. Jacky was a photographer and designer and due to a good work situation could schedule days off without any trouble, Toni being a graphic artist had done some work for her on a freelance basis and was finding more work outside the workplace. They had often talked about going into business together put had not found anything that could make money and give the lifestyle they each wanted.

“What about the B&B as a financial stop gap” suggested Kerry, or was that Paul’s brain working in his normal way? There were so many B&B’s in the area they had decided it would be hard to find a niche.

Sarah suddenly said “I would come back anytime if I could bring my clothes” causing much frowning on Sarah's face.

The others sat there just chuckling but then Toni stood up and left the room, returning shortly with a drawing book and pencils as if he had an artistic attack coming on. What about “Tranny Manor, as you have called the place, a time away from the pressure where you can be you” she said.

Kerry told them about the photo shoot in Sydney and the fun she had finding out what she looked like, Sarah had always wanted to do the same but had never had the nerve to follow through. Jacky was suddenly energized and started talking about the racks of clothes she had accumulated over the years that she could not throw out, the closet full of shoes and makeup from photo shoots she had worked on. Janet and Mary also said how many clothes they had acquired but never worn or simply changed their minds about wearing after getting them home. An hour later and Toni had finished a picture of the group all sitting around with an advertising splash over the top saying “for the manor born, a place where you can find yourself”. It was an interesting exercise and one day it could come true but it was not the group's decision to make.

By three o’clock they decided that a picnic in the park was not going to happen but one in the gardens would be easier to handle so grabbing the picnic rugs and hampers they went around to the tennis court and set up the picnic.

The food was laid out as Jacky brought out the tennis rackets and balls, “mixed couples” she said, “ain’t that the truth” laughed Sarah. Janet and Kerry grabbed the rackets and challenged Sarah and Mary to a few quick games, none of them had played tennis for years let alone in a skirt. It was definitely a bare feet game as bodies fell on the lawn surface and crashed into the net, plenty of laughter and some really bad score keeping. Food was almost an afterthought as they just enjoyed the early summer sun and warmth late into the afternoon before packing up and going inside. Each person packed their bags and went back into the lounge area carrying a small gift, no one wanted to leave but they all knew the next day was going to be full on for Toni. Kerry called them all together and took time to thank Jacky for the great weekend and allowing them to relax and enjoy their time together. She handed a small gift to Jacky then one by one they each gave her a gift, a hug and kiss. The time had been great and for Sarah had been the first time she had spent more than a day en-femme, one that would be hard to forget.

The drive home was only short but Janet and Kerry talked all the way as they had had little time alone during the weekend and Janet was missing her time with Paul. Janet wandered if Paul had changed his mind about being Kerry full time after talking with Toni and Sarah so much over the weekend. The thought was always there in Paul’s mind but the negatives always seemed to outweigh the positives, today was not a good day to ask the question though and made half feeble comments that may have eased Janet’s mind, or not. The next day was going to be hard as Kerry came to terms with not being visible while Toni made a major step forward with her transition. Toni had been taking mail order hormones for the last six months but would be going on prescription hormones and much greater strength as the doctor monitored the changes. The usual testosterone blockers and progesterone and oestrogen boosters to thin her waist and reduce body hair while helping breast growth although implants would be done early in the new year. Facial surgery would make some small changes to hairline, cheekbones and jaw line but that would not be until late in the year due to the cost.

Some of the members of Toni’s section had decided to support her by going to work on Monday in the same outfits they wore for the fundraiser without letting her know. As Toni arrived for work they had formed a guard of honour for her to enter the work area and others had come along to show their support, it was going to be much better than she had expected. The managers came around during the next week to demonstrate acceptance but also to make sure there would be no claims of harassment from Toni.

By the end of the week Toni was feeling very relaxed in her time at work but not so sure about her living area, it was fairly confined and she had no real support apart from the girls and Jacky and felt she needed more. Toni called Kate to see if she could have a chat about her feelings, she could only make it after work on Saturday but promised to come around just after 2pm. Kerry phoned her after work on Friday and asked how the week had finished, Toni could not hold it in and started pouring out her fears and doubts over the phone. Kerry suggested that she come around for dinner and bring a change of clothes if she wanted to stay overnight then called Janet to say that they had a guest for dinner. This is what offering support would come down to for the next year as Toni made the changes in her life and living conditions.

The next two weeks got better for Toni as work settled back into the normal pace of project meetings, production deadlines and programme delivery. The graphics department was geared for Christmas campaigns but already had the midsummer decline campaign in the planning phase. Toni was still feeling unsure about her unit so when Jacky made the suggestion of her moving in it took around one second to think and accept. The rental income would also give her a cash boost to pay for the Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS) and Facial Feminisation Surgery (FFS) as well as the recovery period after the surgery. Toni would pay a small rent and half of all bills but the cashstream would make transitioning much easier for her along with the companionship from Jacky.

As Christmas approached the girls had a Wednesday night meal together after work with Kate at their normal café. Jacky had made another offer of using her place for a weekend retreat just prior to Christmas, a chance for a celebration. They each called home on their mobiles and asked their partners if they had anything else planned before the group agreed on the weekend before the 25th. Toni had already sold her unit and would have moved in by the time the weekend came around so it would be Sarah, Mary, Janet and Kerry for the stay over as Kate had to work all weekend until Christmas eve. The rest of the night was all just talk about how Toni was going with the new hormones, had her breasts started changing, was anything shrinking etc. Her moods had been wilder than normal and she had found herself crying while watching movies on tele but nothing unexpected.

To be Continued .... A new girl comes forth

Please let me know what you think of this, good bad or ugly. I promise not to cry for too long - Kerry

As things return to normal after the Cross Dress for Red Cross ball a mother seeks help for her confused son and also for herself. University can be a trying place in both meanings of the word, a time for new things and stressful as well.

Paul was visiting the client site one Thursday when a woman came up to him and asked if she could talk to him in private, he remembered it was the same woman that had spoken to him about her son. Sue opened a door into a spare interview room with glass panels and offered Paul a seat as she put a folder on the table. Sue told Paul about her son again and asked if there was anyone he could talk to that would help him. Paul had assumed it was related to homosexuality but it turned out to be gender issues instead and her son was nearly twenty years old and studying at university. Sue had found him wearing her clothes one day and since then he had made no comment about it but had started being very secretive about where he was going and never seemed to have any money left. Paul remembered the pattern but had little ability in counselling anyone about being TG let alone a young person. Sue put several printed sheets from the internet on the table and slid them towards Paul. They included the typical TG medical comments from specialists and forum groups that she had found in the history folder of Internet Explorer on the family computer. Sue had a better than average understanding of the concepts but no contact with any TG people to ask for help until she saw the girls at work then at dinner on Wednesday night after the event, finally putting things together. Paul offered to talk with her son and her if they wanted but only if they both agreed. It was two days before she rang Paul’s mobile and asked about the next evening which was surprisingly free for Paul who asked if Kerry and Toni could come along.

As they drove up to the house the next night the girls had agreed to let Kerry take the lead and Toni would add help with questions. Sue answered the door and led the girls into the lounge where her son, Graham was sitting with his arms crossed until they walked in, clearly not happy to be there. Sue introduced the girls and Graham stood to shake their hands and then his face changed as he saw two very well presented girls instead of guys in dresses. Sue went off to make drinks while Graham offered them seats, Kerry saw that he had questions running through his head that were ready to burst out at any minute but suggested that he wait for Sue to come back so that they could all hear the same things.

After the drinks had been served Kerry asked Graham to just talk about how he was feeling about himself without asking questions. He found it slow going as Sue was listening but Kerry thought that without a father in the picture Sue needed to be present for their protection. Graham talked about being outside of the gang at school and never enjoying the typical guy things, having doubts about being a girl in the wrong body, then finding the soft touch of his mother’s clothes and the rest he said was history, albeit very recent history. Kerry and Toni recognised the pattern of limited male role modelling, relating with females more than males and the one that every TG seemed to come up with, the moment they touched the wrong side of the wardrobe. Graham then asked the girls how they had got started, it was a very similar story for Toni and Kerry except to current situation, Toni was transitioning Kerry wasn’t, yet.

Kerry took the lead again and asked Graham how far he had gone with dressing but got very little from Graham due to Sue’s presence. “Graham, it may be hard to talk about this but at the moment your mother has more fears due to the unknown, it would help to reduce her fears if you can let her know” said Kerry.

“How many clothes have you got” asked Kerry, “not many, just a few bits from the op-shop bag mum had meant to put out” started Graham. “What about underwear” asked Kerry.

“Just some undies and an old bra” Graham slowly said reluctant to mention the unmentionables. “I do have some nice shoes though and of course I bought some really nice pantyhose from Woollies last week” Graham’s tone lifting slightly.

“Have you thought about a suspender belt and stockings” asked Toni who just had to be involved. Sue wondered why men would want to wear something that she had gladly stopped wearing over twenty years ago when pantyhose became the norm. Graham’s face had lit up as Toni also mentioned the corset that Kerry had bought a few months ago at a very low price of $45 or so. Sue just sat here and listened as the three went through the types of clothing and underwear, shoes and hosiery, makeup and wigs.

Graham had taken all of the gear and moved them into a spare room at a university friend’s house where he had a key and opportunity to come and go as he pleased. The set up was far from good as the house held regular parties that were not his scene and he said so in front of his mum. Kerry wanted to find out how far Graham was thinking of going as the approach would change with the destination, so she asked outright “where do you think this will end?”

Graham thought for a while then looked at Sue as if wondering how she would take it. He only knew what he liked and not how it was working out, the secretive actions and not being able to talk with his mum. Sue moved closer and held his hand as his face lowered and he stared at her asking for help with the wet eyes that had filled his face.

Sue had a moment to think then said “You are my own flesh and blood, I gave birth to you as Graham but if you want to become a girl I would rather have a daughter than no one at all, it is all your choice I will love you whatever happens”

Her language was stilted but she had never thought of losing her son and was not sure how to say that she loved her son so much and had felt the pain of not being able to talk to him about a critical area of his life. The girls left them talking for a while then Toni’s phone rang, it was Jacky wanting to know how it had gone assuming that the talk would have been over by now. When Toni rejoined the group the mother and son were sitting very close together on the settee holding hands with a pile of tissues on the table. Kerry had gone into the kitchen and put the kettle on again to give them space, she was returning with fresh drinks for everyone.

Jacky and Toni had already made some changes at the Manor and set aside a backroom as a wardrobe and dressing room, the bedrooms had been left intact with the older style furniture and artworks except for Toni’s room that contained his computer equipment and work area. As the four settled down with their new drinks Kerry asked how Sue felt if Graham moved his gear back home, would she let him dress around the house? Sue had only one child due to a failed teenage marriage and feared losing the only joy in her life so the choice was an easy one to make, today at least, Graham hugged her again. Toni asked Graham if he had read about Makeovers on the web and if he had thought of having one? Graham had read about people that included them in their biographies but hadn’t read about them in Australia.

Kerry suddenly realized where Toni was going, “how would you like to have one this weekend?” asked Toni.

“How, where, how much” was all Graham could get out, Toni told them about the Manor and the offer that Jacky had just made over the mobile phone. Sue and Graham could come up for the Saturday afternoon and stay for dinner if they wanted as test dummies for the new venture they had planned. Sue took the lead for once and said that she would love to come with Graham and be part of the action if Graham wanted her there. Graham would have to bring his own lingerie but apart from that the cost would be nothing, something a uni student appreciated.

Toni gave them the address and said that 2pm would be fine and could Graham have a really good shave before coming up to the Manor. Sue was still holding her son’s hand as they walked to the door to let the girls out; she thanked them both for helping them and closed the door. Kerry and Toni drove back to Toni’s unit in the city talking about the Manor and what had been planned, Kerry was invited but it would depend on Janet’s workload and calendar.

Sue and Graham spent the next day talking about so much as Graham moved his gear back into the home and into the spare bedroom. Sue looked at the sad collection of clothes he had and decided that two things had to happen, she took him into her room and sat him on the bed, “what do you like in my wardrobe?” she asked.

He liked the simpler designs but also the brighter multi layered effect that was becoming so common this year. Sue dragged out some clothes from a separate wardrobe, the one that she had outgrown and thought could still fit Graham who was smaller than her. “You can have all of these if you want” said Sue. Graham could not help but hug his mother and then started to go through the wardrobe, something he had done regularly while Sue was at work. He knew exactly what fitted and what looked good on him.

Sue then said that he needed to have some nice underwear if he was going to have a makeover and photo shoot. She asked about having a shopping day on Thursday, which was a rostered day off (RDO) for her, he was at the end of this year's exams so it was only his summer work that could make a difference. Graham asked how they could buy stuff without him trying it on or drawing attention to himself, Sue had thought about it and suggested that she do all of the talking and say that she was shopping for her twin daughter that was coming home after losing her belongings in a civil war in Africa, Graham was there just for size as his sister was the same build when she had left. Sue asked Graham what name he wanted to be called when he was en-femme, Graham had thought about this before and decided keeping the initials the same would help so he chose Grace since he thought he would also need some.

On Thursday Graham and Sue took time getting ready to shop, Graham had already started to think about the weekend and had made a list of things he wanted to buy including new shoes. The plan was to go to another suburb and find a department store for the basics and then try the local chain stores for some specials and then the specialist stores for the unusual things that Sue had planned without Graham knowing about. The department store had bulk underwear on special, 25% off, Sue’s concept of underwear and Graham’s was different but Graham kept quiet being too nervous to say anything.

Sue saw the lack of interest as being shyness until she walked over to the dresses when Graham suddenly chose a nice summer outfit and said “Grace would probably look good in this.”

Sue mentioned that it would be a good choice if Grace had some nice shoes to go with it, “and probably some nice underwear” said Graham.

Sue just looked at him and then decided to go back into the lingerie section, “what do you think Grace would like?” she asked. He reached into the pile of silk pants, bra and camisole sets and chose a nice pale pink set. Sue got the idea and selected a few more bits while Graham had walked off to look at nighties. As he returned he held up a set of baby dolls that had “Grace” written on them in sprinkles.

“I think Grace would look cute in these” he said as he smiled. By the end of an hour they had underwear and a summer outfit along with some basic makeup supplies and a set of stick on nails. The shoes section had not created any excitement for Grace, who was trying to get involved in the decision making so it would be off to a shoe store but more risk for Graham.

The shoe shop was empty but very visible from the main mall area and Graham froze as he recognized one of his uni classmates serving in the shop. Too late, Sue had already entered and was looking at shoes when the young girl came up and asked if she needed help.

Graham stepped up quickly and said “Hi Jen, this is my mum we are shopping for my sister, Grace”, yes it sounded corny but he was spooked. Sue covered and talked about Grace coming home from Africa and losing all of her clothes, just as they had discussed.

Jen asked what size she was and what style would she need “she was a size 9 before she left so I guess that she hasn’t changed” said Sue. They bought a pair of white low heels, a pair of black 2” heels and a pair of sneakers that had yellow edging around the top.

Paying for them Sue headed for the car with their shopping bags and shoes., while Graham wanted to know if they had finished for the day. At the car Sue explained that they needed to try on the sizes before they bought some of the other things she had planned and after all it was lunchtime. As they got home Sue told Graham to go into the bedroom and try on one set of underwear and the dress and shoes, fancy being told by your mum to dress up, a dream come true for Graham. The bra was loose but then he would need padding, the nickers and camisole were about right, he stepped into the dress slid the zip up to the top as he looked in the mirror to see the effect of turning around. Then he slipped the black shoes on and felt the change in his calf muscles, the look was still of a guy in a dress but he could feel the excitement building up.

Sue knocked on the door and asked if she could come in, Graham had expected this at some time today but was he ready for it? Sue came in and checked the fit and length of the dress without comment, the shoes fitted well but the bra definitely needed something extra, and so did the legs.
Sue left the room and came back in with a blonde wig in her hands “this is something I bought for a party years ago and never thought it would be used again” she handed it to Graham. He put it on his head, she had also brought a pair of cheap foam breast forms and told Graham how to put them in place and left the room. The image in the mirror took another major change and his excitement climbed again.

Sue called to him to follow her into her bedroom and sit at her dressing table, she turned the makeup lights on and Graham had a fair idea what was about to happen, however Sue made him turn away from the mirror. She started with a coat of moisturiser to prepare the face and then a solid cover of foundation to make a blank canvas that would carry the masterpiece. Graham’s eyes were brown and with light eye brows they could be easily made to appear to be a different shape by using colour so the eye brows had a darker brown and given an arch. The eye liner made an outline that drew attention to the brown eyes and held the viewers attention. Sue gave Grace a coat of blusher on the cheek bones and then her lipstick, just a gentle colour to highlight the mouth. After around 30 minutes the face that looked back from the mirror was only slightly noticeable as Graham but Grace was by far the dominant feature.

Sue stepped out of the room to let her son come to terms with the new face that was obviously far more than he had done before. She made a cuppa and some sandwiches before calling to Grace that lunch was ready and to come out into the kitchen. As Grace stepped through the door Sue saw a complete change in her flesh and blood, she now had a daughter that looked very good and surprisingly confident. Sue got her to turn around and show off the outfit and shoes before sitting down with a thump, another thing to work on she thought.

Sue looked at her new daughter and the thoughts of the birth of Graham came easily to her mind, the feeling of disappointment when the doctor said about her healthy little boy. Her partner had left just before the birth saying that he had made a mistake and could not handle a family, since then she had not seen or heard from him. Bringing up her son was hard and they often had to go without but they had each other and that was the most important thing.

Lunch was over quickly and Sue asked about finishing the shopping episode, Grace stood up to get changed but Sue stopped her and said “there’s no need to change you look fine and it will make shopping easier.”

Panic attack, sweat, shaking and just about wetting himself, Graham stood hoping for his mum to say “just joking” but she wasn’t. “Do you want to do this or not, it’s your decision, in or out?” she told him, “you look every part like a normal young woman, even I would have trouble picking you.”

Grace wanted to go out but Graham wanted to stay safe, Sue grabbed her bag and a spare one for Grace and picked up the car keys, “come on you’ll be fine I’ll look after you” she said. If he could split in two it would have happened at that moment, Grace won the argument and they headed or the car.

As she drove back to the suburb where they had been shopping Sue told Grace all about the things she needed to watch and mimic, how to get out of the car, how to walk, how to carry the bag. The best advice she gave her was to copy the other girls and then she would just blend in, most people did not see others when they shopped. University was on summer break for the next 3 months but the schools still had a couple of weeks to go so floor traffic was still fairly low for the start of December. Sue parked the car in an area near the outside shops so they could walk around outside while Grace got her legs, so to speak. Grace opened the car door and stepped out just like Graham would, Sue resisted saying anything but would bring it up later. Looking around Grace could see several hundred people that she was sure were all looking directly at her, Sue saw a few dozen people walking around only looking in windows or talking to each other. She handed Grace the handbag that she had left in the car and took her by the arm to lead her towards the shops, her plan was to just walk and window shop and let Grace feel at ease before going inside the mall.

Over the next ten minutes Sue gave a running commentary on how to walk like a lady, made Grace look in the windows and check the reflections to prove that no one cared less. Grace began to relax and eventually started to look at what was in the window rather than just stare at the image on the glass. After several minutes Sue had steered them to one of the mall entrances, Grace had been talking about what she wanted to look at and didn’t notice until she was inside the mall.

Sue had made a mental list of the things Grace would need over the next few months of Uni holidays, more underwear, shoes, skirts, tops, a pair of jeans, this was going to be fun for her as well as Grace. They went back to the department store and headed back to the lingerie section and selected some more bits that Grace liked. The skirts were more mature than Grace wanted and said as much but the variety of tops and her total lack of anything made shopping easy. A quick look at the longer dresses and Grace chose a really nice pale blue and dark blue splashes that made her look thinner due to the belt that created a tighter waste. Sue chose a sweater and cardigan that would go with it and Grace selected another much shorter black dress with halter neck top and plunging back, everyone needs an LBD. By the time they got to the checkouts they had a substantial pile of clothes and Sue’s credit card was about to take a battering but her joy at finally seeing her daughter was outweighing the cost.

They had several bags and Sue suggested that they drop them off into the car before continuing their shopping day. Several minutes later they had returned and started walking down the mall, Grace entered Westcoast, a shop that sold far more modern clothing, jeans and tops. Sue told the assistant that they just wanted to look for a while so they could talk about the choices Grace made, denim short skirt, tight t-shirt, a pair of jeans that would sit on her hips and loose long sleeved top with ties that would go just under her bust. Grace headed for the change rooms with Sue nearby asking to see them on her, the rooms had individual doors and a common area for walking around in so Grace felt fairly safe.

The denim skirt and T-shirt were the first she wanted to try on so she carefully took off the dress making sure she didn’t smudge her makeup of knock the wig off. Opening the changing room door and stepping into the common area Sue saw a young girl that would have to be watched, good legs and nice shape, even if most of it was padding. The smile of Grace’s face showed she liked the outfit so Sue told her to try on the other bits, another few minutes and then a stunning young girl appeared again. With the right shoes both outfits would be fantastic so while Grace finished getting dressed and checking her makeup Sue made the purchases and waited for her daughter.

There were several shoe shops in the centre so they avoided the one that Jen worked in and headed for another one, different names same shoes, better prices. Grace was getting the hang of shopping and had relaxed enough to just go and look at anything she was interested in buying rather than wait for Sue to choose stuff. Grace wanted a pair of 3” heeled strappy shoes that would make her look good in the jeans as well as a pair of boots to wear on his bike with the jeans. A young girl came up asking if she could be of any help, she looked at Grace as if something was not quite right.

“Sorry to stare but did you go to the local high school a few years ago?” she asked Grace. It was then that the penny dropped for Graham, this was a girl that he had gone out with once or twice. Sue heard the dialogue and waited to see how Grace would react.

“I’ve only just arrived here, you must be thinking of someone else, sorry” Grace said only half convincingly.

The girl dropped the question and asked what size she needed and if there was any particular design that caught her fancy. Sue breathed again, her daughter had survived a full frontal assault and kept her calm. Grace pointed out the boots she wanted to try on and the girl went off to get them out of the storeroom as Sue sat down next to Grace and took hold of her shaking arm.

“Just keep going, you look fine” Sue told her and kept hold of her arm as Grace slipped the white shoes off ready for the boots. The boots came halfway up the leg and with a dress on looked off but the fit was good and when she stood up the extra heel height made her legs stretch and she felt herself leaning backwards to balance. Sue asked the young shop assistant to get Grace a pair of black 3.5” patent shoes to match the LBD that Grace had bought earlier.

Grace stood up again and walked around carefully, it became easier and she gained her footings but the look was not good. Grace asked if she could go and get changed into the jeans and top so that she could try on the boots, she grabbed the clothes bag and headed off to the toilets. She found the family toilet that was also the disabled toilet and chose to use it rather than risk the ladies. Once inside she quickly changed into the jeans and loose top, checked her hair and returned to the shoe shop. Sue was amazed at the growing confidence level of Grace and how quickly she was making the change. The boots looked much better with the jeans and top so this was an easy choice, the black heels also looked good with jeans but she still wanted a pair of wedges or sandals with heels that would show off her polished toes. Still wearing the black shoes she went for a walk around the shop looking but not quite finding what she wanted, they still had another four shops to try so it wasn’t the end of the world.

Sue paid for the boots and black pair while Grace opted to keep them on for the rest of the shopping trip little knowing how much her legs and feet would be hurting by the time they got home. Across the aisle was another shop with similar designs and after a quick look they left still looking for the elusive pair of sandals. Sue asked Grace about earrings since she had one it would look better with two in each ear or at least one in each ear. Grace had no problems with the suggestion and so headed into one of the smaller accessory shops that had piercing on offer. Grace had always wanted more than a single stud but had wondered about being seen as gay, which he wasn’t, just slightly confused in his gender.

With a nice pair of earrings in place and studs in the second pair of holes they left the shop with some small items of jewellery and a belt that would match the jeans and one of the tops they had bought in the morning. Sue was quite pleased with the type of clothes Grace had chosen, they would all mix and match, except for that very very short denim skirt. Sue asked if it was time for a cuppa yet as they had been out for over two hours so they found a small coffee shop and ordered Latte’s and sat at a table. Sue asked Grace how she was going with everything; the smile on her face said far more than Sue heard. Grace told her that this was something she had wanted to do for over six years since she had understood the situation with her feelings of needing to dress up. Sue just listened as Grace talked about her love of clothes and shoes that was now being released since the girls had come around and talked to both of them about being TG and coping with the feelings. Sue was really enjoying her time out with Grace and said so, that made Grace feel happier as she was unsure of how her mum was handling seeing her son change so much.

They finished their drinks and were about to stand up to continue shopping as Jen came into the coffee shop for a take away coffee and spotted them both. Jen stopped and said hello to Sue and was about to say hello to Grace, “are you Graham’s sister?” she asked Grace.

The change on her face made Graham freeze, she had seen straight through the makeup and clothes, “Graham, what are you doing, why, what” she had to sit down.

Jen was a good friend at Uni and would be going back next year to the same classes as Graham, there was no choice but to talk to her and try to get her onside. They talked for a few minutes then asked when she would be finished today and would she like to come around for dinner after work and they could talk without being overheard.

As Jen stood to leave she kissed Grace and said “it’s alright I won’t tell anyone, see you tonight at seven” and then she left.

Grace sat down heavily and slumped onto the table, Sue ordered another coffee for each of them so they could talk about Jen and how to handle it. The decision was to be upfront and let Jen ask questions afterwards, it would be a hard time but better handled in private than at Uni where Graham would be embarrassed.

The rest of the afternoon was mainly window shopping except Sue went to her hair salon and asked about nails for Grace, it would be around $80 for them and Sue wanted to know how long Grace would be able to keep them on but it would look good for the makeover on Saturday afternoon at the Manor. An hour later Grace had a set of Acrylics that were painted with bright pink and so were her toes, a matching set that would look good with the sandals if she ever found them.

On the way out they walked past Jen’s shop and spotted her looking out of the shop, she waved them into the shop to talk. Jen took hold of Grace’s hand and said how she loved the new nails, then asked her what sort of shoes she was looking for. Jen then disappeared out back and came out with a pair of gold trimmed wedges that had ankle straps and about 3” heels, she made Grace sit down and fitted the shoes on her feet and did up the straps just like any other female client. The jeans sat just on the top of the shoes and Grace had the look she wanted, the price was around $99 but Jen told her not to think about the price as she had managers discount privileges. As Sue paid for the shoes Jen said that she was looking forward to dinner with Grace and waved goodbye. Grace felt much better as they left the shopping centre for the car park and a trip home.

Sue went via one of the smaller shopping areas because she knew that a specialist shop had opened a few years back but one that she hoped she would ever have to use. The shop was in a medical area and dealt with the needs of ladies that had been treated for breast surgery and provided breast forms that could be used fulltime. Pulling up outside she asked Grace if she wanted to come in but she declined the offer, too much too soon she thought. Sue went into the shop and talked with the sales staff, several minutes later she came out carrying a bag that was sealed, she put it into the backseat and drove home.

They pulled into their parking garage and slowly carried all of the bags into the house, making a decision not to add up the dockets was very smart thinking for Sue. Grace took all of the bags into the spare room that was now set aside for her use, the wardrobe was slowly filling up and the dresser drawers starting to fill up with all sorts of frilly and silky items. She laid out the makeup and jewellery things on the dresser top and had to keep reminding herself about being careful with the nails she now had, as they would cause runs in the new pantyhose she had in the drawers. When everything had been unpacked and put out on the bed the only thing she felt was a sense of joy, the shoes, skirts, dresses and tops had been her choices and she knew that they would get plenty of wear.

Sue came into the room just in time to see Grace wiping away the tears from her face, Sue gave her a hug and they just stood there both crying tears of joy and release. Sue had started to pour a bath and told Grace to strip off everything and go into his bathroom and wait for her. With the wig off and only makeup existing Sue showed how to remove makeup and then handed over a bottle of hair removal cream, Graham had never been hairy and with very fair hair it wouldn’t show anyway. The instruction said apply to the hairy part, leave for ten minutes then stand under the shower, so he did just as it said. When he finally looked down at the plug hole it was clogged with fine blonde hair from all over his body and only his pubic area was sort of intact, he had gone too close and it looked more like a Mohawk than a triangle.

Sue called to see if she could come into the bathroom, he hung a towel around his waist as she entered, she had finished pouring a bath in her bathroom and told him to go and get into the warn water and relax for a while. The smell was Rose and the candles around the room gave a sense of the feminine nature she was adopting so Grace slipped back and relaxed n the water. Sue had added bubble bath lotion into the water and scented oil to the candles, the glass of wine Sue had left for him just completed the feelings. About half an hour later and the water was getting cold so Sue said that it was time to get out, dry and come into the spare room.

Sue had put a pair of pants in the bathroom for Grace to put on after the bath and to wear a bathrobe instead of the towel. As Grace came into the spare room she could see the surprise that Sue had bought for her at the specialist shop, a set of high quality breast forms and medical glue. Sue told her to lay down on the bed and open the bathrobe, she applied glue to the forms and very carefully placed the forms on Grace’s very smooth chest and told her not to move for 2 minutes. The glue would last for several days and even without a bra they would hold in place. Grace stood up and then felt the weight pull down her chest muscles and then bounce as she moved around. Sue told her to cover herself up and handed her a bra from the matching set, Graham had a basic idea about getting them off but not putting them on without a heap of effort so Sue gave her daughter advice. Sue handed her a small waist cincher from her own drawers and left the room reminding Grace to tuck everything away properly, which she knew about from the web.

Sue returned a few minutes later carrying her own makeup kit as Grace was looking in the mirror holding her new breasts, “nice girls don’t play with them dear” she laughed.

“But I have only just got them mum” said Grace and blushed slightly.

“Alright, what do you want to wear tonight when Jen comes around for dinner?” asked Sue. Grace had been thinking about the denim skirt but thought better of it she didn’t want to scare Jen away.

“How about a dress and the wedges, nice and comfortable and not over the top” suggested Sue.

“OK I’ll save the denim for another day” laughed Grace.

It took a full hour for Sue to tell Grace about applying makeup and how to hide basic male aspects of her face, then the wig was placed on her head and the earrings back into the ears. Grace wanted Sue to make her eyes more pronounced than during the day, then a final styling of the wig to suit her face and Sue thought it was time to reveal the new look and removed the cover from the mirror. Grace stood up and looked at herself in the full-length mirror, the legs looked longer the waist thinner, the face brighter, Grace abounded.

Sue had prepared a simple dinner for them and Jen, it included pasta and salad followed by a light cheesecake and some ginger biscuits with coffee. Jen arrived just before seven and knocked at the front door, Grace went and let her in still quite apprehensive about the night. Jen handed over a bottle of wine to Sue and thanked her for the invite for dinner, it was always a long day on Thursday and food was the last thing she took care of so an evening out was good. Over dinner they talked generally about Uni and the course they both were doing, what they expected for end of year grades and what they had planned after Uni. The job market was very good and they could make serious money in the right sector if they were prepared to fly in on a roster basis.

When dessert had been finished Grace felt she had to start the talk about the elephant in the room, her being in a dress. She started at the beginning and slowly covered the last six years and then the last week in detail and especially today. Jen just sat there and listened taking it all in without comment until Grace stopped and asked her what she thought about what was said. Jen grew up in a country school and had a friend that was gay and had been the brunt of many bad jokes during school until she finally committed suicide after too much pain. The school had kept it quiet and the media had been convinced to stay silent on the matter in an attempt to help the family come to terms with the loss and for the school to create policies that could help those in need of counselling. Jen was not put off by Grace and in fact related so well with Graham that the difference was only the clothes, somehow the clothes became a non-event. Jen said that she would love to have a friend that she could take shopping and go out for movies or dinner with especially one that looked as good as Grace.

Jen had only one question for Grace, “are you going to stay as Grace all summer break?” and “what about next year at Uni?” Neither Sue nor Grace had spoken about this even if Grace had silently made several plans today.

“What do you think, mum?” asked Grace.

Sue had dreaded this question but suddenly the look on her daughters face, the joy of the days shopping and seeing her come out of her shell the decision became easier.

“I am happy for Grace or Graham to live here, it is totally up to you dear” she said, “”you are free to choose, what about Grace until Uni goes back then you can decide how much Grace Time you have after that.” If the amount of joy in a person could be measured the scale would have been blown out as Grace hugged her mum.

Even Jen was effected and wanted desperately to hug Grace and show her support, she would have someone to go out with and talk with over the summer break without being hit on. Grace turned around to see Jen sitting there looking lost and naturally opened her arms to give Jen a hug, the tears flowed for many minutes as the pain of losing her friend came back and poured out. She had not really come to a point of letting go of all that happened at school since it was squashed so quickly and now it just flowed.

Over coffee they all talked about what Christmas had in store for them, Jen had to work both sides of Christmas day so travelling 1200km back to home was out of the question and she would probably just find a movie and eat at home. The noise of protest was nearly as loud as the sound of the joy metre being smashed earlier on, Sue would not hear of it and there would be a place at the table for her and a gift under the tree, she was expected to attend and that was that.

Jen had to work the next morning as did Sue so they cleared the table and Jen left by ten o’clock. It had been a long day for them all so Grace went and cleaned her makeup off and hung up all of her new clothes in the spare room. The baby dolls were the only things left out as she got ready for bed, Sue came into the room and found Grace minus makeup standing there in the nightwear and her new chest, she kissed her good night and went off to bed. Sleep comes easier when you are either exhausted or at peace, both applied tonight and Grace fell asleep very quickly. It wasn’t until Sue knocked on the door and said that she was on her way to work that Grace stirred and looked at the clock.

Summer break was meant for work experience but this year they had only vacancies for limited numbers in the town as all work had gone to the country sites. Graham had tried but found it easier to commit to extra studies instead based on home and Uni library work plans and it would give him the credits he needed to finish ahead of time. Around 9am Grace surfaced and went to look into the mirror to make sure the dream was real, the boobs still sat there and jiggled as she moved, the nails hurt as she scratched her male parts, no it wasn’t a dream just a dream come true.

A shower and shave then makeup time, after 30 minutes the face was a bad look and she decided to remove it and start again, three attempts and she finally had a face that was half real. The wig helped and when she went to the wardrobe it was the denim skirt that cried out for attention, tight t-shirt and boots made a very interesting image. The image was more like a young boys wet dream than a young woman, not really what she felt comfortable in if she had to answer the door. Grace changed into the jeans and a coloured top and the belt around her waist, black heels and earrings and she thought she was ready to do the housework. It was the agreement with Sue that every Friday was housework day and that meant Grace had to clean the house, do the washing and the shopping. The first two parts were easy and finished within four hours so after lunch Grace had a decision to make, change or shop by herself. Grace won out as Graham was slowly being tied up and left at home.

Instead of choosing the normal shopping centre Grace drove over to where Jen worked intending on dropping in to see her. It was Jen’s meal break as Grace arrived so they went off to the coffee shop and she ordered a sandwich and juice while Grace ordered coffee. Jen was obviously very happy to see Grace and said that she had trouble sleeping last night after all the things she had heard about Graham’s life and the birth of Grace. Jen wanted to thank Sue for inviting her to share Christmas with them and had sent a card in the post this morning before work.

“Who did your makeup today” she asked Grace, surprised that it was Grace’s first real attempt and told her that it was very subtle and made her look good. Grace had always enjoyed talking with Jen as she had a way of making people feel welcome and at ease, she would make a good production manager one day. Jen only had a short break but would finish work at 6pm and wanted to go out for drinks and a meal if Grace was game for it. Grace said that Jen would have to look after her if they got into trouble but agreed that it would be good to go out somewhere not too loud. Jen planned on wearing a short skirt, blouse, and heels and would pick up Grace at around 7pm she reminded her to change her makeup for evening wear as they might go out to a club afterwards.

Then Grace was on her own to do the food shopping and pay some bills at the post office. What to wear out was nagging her all the afternoon until she found herself looking into the window of a shop trying to see if they had anything worth buying. They had a mannequin dressed in a short black skirt and black semi translucent silk blouse that looked her size but it had no colour. Grace found herself inside just browsing around the racks and touching the clothes half dreaming and half looking at the clothes. An older sales person came up and asked if she saw anything she liked, it shook Grace out of the dream state and it took a few seconds to answer.

After a few trials she had chosen the black skirt a metallic one piece that looked like a pair of bathers but felt so good and a light grey cardigan and metallic belt. The look was very modern and Grace felt so totally female in it the only thing missing was matching handbag. As the sales staff finished adding it all up and packing it into the bag she asked for Grace’s credit card. Problem time, it was in the name of Graham and Grace hadn’t stopped to think about it until it was too late. The woman looked at the card then at Grace not sure if she should ask but decided that proper process was to ask. Grace went red and panicked, she looked as guilty as sin, as her mother would say. The only choice was to tell the truth and live another day, she said that her real name was Graham and the only way she could prove it was if the woman asked Jen in the shoe shop next door. Security could be there in two minutes if she was telling lies so she asked Grace to follow her next door to Jen’s shop.

When Jen saw Grace being almost escorted into her shop she knew something was up, the sales person explained that there had been an identity concern and could she confirm who the person was. Jen quietly said "that it was either Graham or Grace depending on what was being asked for and that she had known him for nearly two years at Uni."

The older woman just shook her head and said thank you and walked back next door with Grace following behind her. The docket was finalised and the card handed back. Grace was just a little shaken but had enough sense to ask if she could come back again without causing the same amount of trouble. The sale person looked at the docket value and decided that her commission on the sale was well worth the trouble and said to ask for her if she wanted to use that credit card again. Grace left carrying her first shopping purchases.

Grace quickly stepped into Jen’s store before going straight home, they would have to solve the card issue quickly before the police got called. By the time Sue arrived home from work her dinner was on the table, the house clean and Grace sitting in the bath soaking. Sue poured a drink from the fridge and knocked on the door to her own bathroom, Grace said she could come in as the bubbles covered everything real. It was an unusual sight to see Grace in the bath, boobs sticking out of the bubbles, makeup on but the wig sitting near the bath. The face that only a mother could love and Sue did love her son and daughter in whatever form they came.

Sue asked about how Grace had filled the day and listened to the story of the credit card and being rescued by Jen, and oh yeah, they had made plans for the night but would be home before it was too late. Sue went back into the kitchen and ate her dinner and waited for Grace to come out. She had time to eat, do the dishes and even listen to the evening news before Grace had finished getting ready. Sue’s jaw dropped as Grace came out in the short black skirt, the silver one piece, the grey cardigan, black high-heeled shoes and seemed stockings. The makeup was perfect and she had obviously been practicing today, the metallic belt and dangly earrings finished the look, ready for any young man, but that hopefully wasn’t the plan.

Jen arrived just before 7 pm and Sue let her come inside as Grace was just getting a bag to match the outfit, Grace had chosen one of Sue’s, emptied the contents, tissues, tampons, more tissues etc, five pens, one notebook, more tissues. No wonder they said this was a place that men should not go. Instead she put in a small packet of tissues, some change, one of her lipsticks, some powder, wallet and the mobile phone, much neater and less weight. Jen and Sue were chatting when Grace came out to the lounge room but Jen stopped dead in her tracks but then so did Grace, Jen was stunning in her own black skirt and gold top. Sue just thought of how damaging they could be together if she didn’t know her son but still felt like she had to warn them about being good.

They left in Jen’s car and headed for a local café that was close to a few popular nightclubs in the area. As they parked the car and walked up the road the occasional toot of a car horn made them giggle like schoolgirls out on the town. The café was only just filling so finding a table was no trouble, they chose one near the alfresco area and placed their orders. The cars rolling past was one of the reasons people came to this part of town, they came to either see or be seen, in this case the girls came to be seen but neither admitted it. The meal was served really quickly which suited them as they had thought about some drinks at a local club up the road.

Just before 9 pm they got up and walked around to the club hoping to find it less than busy due to the early hour. The place was only just open and around 60 people had gone inside to dance or drink but mainly to see who they could pickup. Jen had only been here once but found the place very exciting as long as you kept away from the front bar area. Grace ordered some drinks and Jen found a table, but by the time Grace had come back with the drinks Jen had someone standing very close asking about a dance. She had no intention of dancing with anyone except maybe Grace. They politely declined and sat down to listen to the music and drink their drinks without hassle.

By ten o’clock the dancing was in full swing and Jen wanted to dance, she grabbed Grace by the hand and pulled her onto the dance floor. The style was easy and Grace could at least handle herself on the dance floor, they had no idea how much attention they were getting though, two very sexy girls dancing together. Grace had made some moves that more matched Graham and the impact was not missed on Jen or the crowd watching them. Few dances later and the mood changed to a slow dance and naturally they just hugged and danced very closely, Grace forgot herself and kissed Jen not realizing that others were watching as Jen returned the kiss the music finished and they left the floor.

It was getting late and Jen had to work on Saturday so they walked out of the club and found the car parked safely in a bright area. On the way home they both said how much fun it was and they would like to do it again. Jen asked Grace if she saw how many people had been watching them during the slow dance and then the kissing, Grace had no idea she was being watched and nearly choked on the thought.

“Did you know what was happening when I kissed you?” Grace asked Jen.

“Of course I did why do you think I was so passionate about returning it.”

“I thought it was because you liked it or me” said Grace slightly hurt that she had been used.

Jen stopped the car just before Grace’s house, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, this is the most fun I have had for nearly two years since leaving high school."

She leaned over and kissed Grace again, this time Grace returned the kiss in a way that left no doubt what was happening. Graham had never been this close to Jen before and wondered why it had all changed, but then who cared she was a great looking girl, yet so was he, she, whatever. The trouble with being analytical is that you can create road blocks where none are meant to be and stuff up a great trip. They stopped before anything happened and Grace knew that some of her makeup would need repairing before going inside and being questioned by her mum. Grace kissed Jen again and said she would call on Sunday after the makeover and let her see some of the photos after work.

Jen had the fun of Christmas shopping, 28 days of trading and she was the only person allowed to do the banking. Sue had gone to bed so Grace cleaned her face, put on her baby dolls and would have gone straight to sleep if it wasn’t for the lump in her pants; maybe Graham was still there.

To be Continued... Grace shines and has the photos to prove.

Grace comes out of her closet and finds out exactly what she can look like, a pictures says a thousand words and Grace had many chapters to talk about. But too much grace can be disturbing for some.

Saturday, the day of the makeover, what more could happen after the last few days? Sue waited for Grace to come out for breakfast and then let her talk about the night out and she never heard about the kisses. The plan was for a slow morning then get ready and go up to the Manor early afternoon and stay for dinner with Kerry and Janet joining them. Sue potted around the house as Grace laid out several outfits trying to see what would work and what may be needed. Around 12 they stopped for lunch and then Grace asked about a suspender belt and stockings, did Sue still have one or where could they get one. Sue had gladly thrown them away over twenty years ago and had no reason to go buy them now unless the right man came along.

"Give me a few minutes I’ll see what I can find out" Sue said picking up her mobile, she got Kerry’s phone number out of her bag and called to see if she knew anywhere that still sold good ones.

Kerry gave her the address of her favourite lingerie store and told them to ask for Lisa and said they would see her and Grace at 6 pm tonight. Sue went back into the kitchen and told Grace they would be leaving half an hour earlier if she wanted one, that meant she had to get a move on. Grace had already packed her bag and had applied a basic makeup to allow Jacky to do her thing without having to undo everything. Grace wore the jeans, black high heels, waist cincher and a bright red top that seemed to hug her new breasts. The trip to the lingerie shop was in the opposite direction as the manor and would add an extra 30 minutes to the trip. Sue parked the car at the front door, a surprise given the amount of traffic on the road today.

As they entered the shop they could see a sales person behind the counter putting a sandwich down and wiping her face.

“Is Lisa working today?” asked Sue only to look directly at her name tag and feel very silly. “A friend of ours called Kerry said that I should ask for your special help” she said holding out her hand for Lisa to shake.

“How is she going I haven’t seen her for about seven weeks?” Lisa told her “I sold her a really nice corset and lots of silky things as well.”

Grace smiled and started to look around the shop while Sue kept talking to Lisa, “this is Grace, my son” Sue said nodding towards Grace. “She is interested in a suspender belt but do you have any of those corsets left?”

Grace heard the comment and came over as Lisa told Sue that the special was finished except for the display item and that was a size 28 and probably would not fit Grace.

“I am almost a size 32 so I suppose that leaves that out, doesn’t it?” said Grace hoping that she was wrong.

“Actually you may just fit in but as you grow it would get very tight, would you like to try it on?” asked Lisa turning to the front display and grabbing the dark plum corset knowing that Grace would say yes.

Lisa showed Grace through to the rear area and asked her to take off her jeans and top so she could be fitted properly and laced to see if it was too small. As Lisa pulled the cords tight, Grace gasped as the air was forced out of her lungs, but as her waist reduced the pain seemed to vanish as well. The image in the mirror changed each time the cords got pulled tighter but Grace was determined to have the item whatever the pain.

Lisa had brought a pair of stockings into the room and told Grace to sit down while she helped her slip the stockings on her feet, as Grace stood up and pulled them up her legs the feeling nearly made her scream. Lisa showed her how to clip on the top of the stockings and Grace felt the gentle tug against her legs as she stepped back into her shoes. Sue could tell that it was going to be another item for Grace’s wardrobe and asked Lisa how much it would cost her.

"This is the last one in store, you can have it for $40 but don’t tell Kerry.”

Grace said that she would wear it and no need to pack it, the suspender belt could wait and she would come back another day when they had time to shop. Lisa gave Grace one of the special discount cards for the next visit and hoped she had a great day. The car trip to the Manor was short but Grace was trying to come to terms with the corset and the lack of breathing space in her lungs. Sue could tell she was having both trouble and joy in the same breath but let her go as Sue remembered the joy she brought to a young man when she wore one on a date.

The Manor came into view as she drove into the driveway and parked the car at the front door, Jacky and Toni came out to meet them and help with their bags. Toni introduced Jacky to Grace and Sue.

“You sure have changed young lady” she said to Grace, “you must be having a ball.”

Jacky took Grace through to one of the bedrooms and showed her where everything could be found and told her to come through to the studio when she was ready. Sue put her bag on the front table and walked through to the studio where Jacky was finishing the camera set up, “I was thinking of a before and after set but she already looks great” said Jacky. Grace came out in just a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt, no wig and a clean face, what they didn’t see was the corset that held her waist so tight and the breast forms that filled the cups. Jacky got Grace to sit on a stool in front of a green backdrop, the camera was linked to Toni’s PC and the first round of shots took only a few minutes to be saved to hard disk for processing later.

Jacky took several minutes to find out what Grace liked in the way of colours and clothes before suggesting a gentle makeover with a couple of different wigs to let her see the differences. She started with a good coat of moisturiser and a little beard cover since Grace was fair-haired and had very little beard shadow for a guy. The foundation coat was light beige and Jacky only put enough on to cover the skin and give a smooth surface for the rest of the makeup. Jacky took a few more shots so that Grace could repeat the makeup in her own time.

Sue went for a walk around the grounds with Toni while Jacky did the eyes, Toni wanted to know what had happened after she and Kerry had left on Monday night. Sue went through the last few days and how Grace had to make the choice to either do it or forget it but half way was not an option in her mind. Sue told about her going shopping and getting earrings and nails within the first day, Toni was amazed at Grace’s courage and Sue’s commitment to her new daughter. Toni took Sue for the grand tour and explained the business venture they had been setting up and how it would work financially. Sue still had question about Graham being TG and over the next hour asked Toni about her own journey until Jacky called them inside to see the new girl.

Grace stood there with brunette hair down her back, a short leather skirt and skimpy red top with the corset showing though the top. Black vinyl thigh boots and black stockings made the legs jump out and grab your eyes. Grace’s face was radiant, the makeup was very minimal except for around her eyes, which seemed to sparkle, and the lips had a gloss that made them look very wet. Grace had put in a pair of gold hoop earrings and wore a necklace to finish off the nightclub look or was it more like the “Hooker Look”. The photos took about twenty minutes as Jacky made her stand, sit twirl and generally dance around while the shutter went mad. Jacky sent her back into the change rooms for her second set of clothes from the wide range they had collected since they started the venture.

Grace’s second set of clothes had a formal look, long blue gown and silk gloves, black shoes and a black medium length wig. Jacky made some minor changes to the makeup and jewellery, more gold and pearls then she was ready for more photos. Toni had created several backdrops for use with the green screen but they also had chosen several locations within the Manor that would make great scenes so Jacky took the tripod and let Grace explore the place. The long mirror in the hall gave a good effect with reflections and lighting, the large dining room had been set for dinner and with wine glass in hand the shots looked like a cocktail party setting.

The bedroom shot made Grace come alive as she danced around the large four poster bed and swung on the pole. Grace had chosen to do a lingerie set of shots as long as Sue was not present so Toni and Sue went to make some drinks while Grace changed into the corset, stockings and a blonde wig with red 5” heels that Jacky had found for her. Jacky increased the colour in her face and a darker eyeliner with much brighter lipstick and gloss coat, a touch-up around the edge of the breast forms to hide the slight differences in colour tone and it was hard to tell where the girl finished and silicone started.

Grace had been drinking wine during the afternoon and by now the effect was making her very giggly as Jacky asked for sensuous and sexy looks. Grace laid on the bed and laughed as Jacky snapped away, the bear skin rug and fireplace made fantastic backdrop as Grace played with her stocking straps while sucking her red polished finger nails and pouting her lips. Jacky threw her a black negligee and asked her to stand near the window with a glass of wine in her hand as she looked towards the driveway the light streamed through the black and outlined the hourglass figure. A few more photos near the four poster bed and they were done for this section of the shots.

Sue and Toni came back in with cups of coffee but Grace only wanted wine as she was having too much fun, she also thought that without the alcohol the photos would be less provocative and sensual. For the fourth set of shots Jacky had suggested the casual look that Grace had created herself, the jeans, boots and tight top with a shortish blonde wig that looked the same colour as Grace’s normal hair colour. Jacky chose the lounge setting with books, magazines and the coffee cups as the setting to a very confident girl. Jacky snapped a few dozens shots then asked Sue and Toni to join for group shots, just sitting and chatting while the camera went on auto mode, snapping every 20 seconds. The PC could sort out the colouring if the camera made a mistake but after 60 shots they would be guaranteed a few good ones.

Sue asked about the lingerie shots “you didn’t look like a loose woman did you?”

Jacky confirmed that the shots were tasteful and nothing shown that wasn’t in many fashion magazines. They talked about Grace and her clothes, her confidence and the big step of choosing to stay as Grace for the whole summer break until Uni went back in late February. The camera just kept snapping and recording the images but what it could not capture was the level of joy in Grace’s head, unless you looked carefully at the photos and saw the smile in her eyes, the flick of her hair, the way she crossed her legs. By the time they had finished it was close to six and Kerry and Janet were expected by seven so dinner had to be finished while Toni went to touch-up the images in Photoshop.

As Toni sat there looking at the 160 shots it became very obvious that Grace had a natural look as well as a photo shoot image that could be adjusted for the settings, formal, casual, lingerie. They all worked very well and the level of adjustments required by Toni was going to be minimal in many of them the slight imperfection was better left in as it showed the natural girl. She chose ten from each group and was very selective in the lingerie shots to protect the girl’s honour and put them into a power point slide show with titles and dates ready for previewing. As Toni made them blend, wipe, merge she added music from an instrumental CD and finally burnt it onto CD-R for her to take home. The copyright on the images would belong to Toni for selected marketing use but only as Grace agreed.

By the time Toni had rejoined the group Kerry and Janet had arrived and were talking to Sue and Grace about how much fun she was having since they last met, Kerry was slightly concerned at the speed of change in Grace but didn’t want to say anything negative to her. Janet talked with Sue while Toni came and turned on the video projection system and closed the drapes to black out the room. She asked them to be seated and quickly outlined the Manor and how they saw it evolving over the next few years. The idea that had started over a weekend with friends was just the start, Toni had decided to go part time at work and take some of the work on a contract basis. Jacky was always in and out of the house or even the town if country shoots came up so the flexibility to work around a B&B for a niche market along with the makeovers would provide several streams of income for them both.

“Enough about us, let me show you Grace in all of her glory” Toni said hitting the go button and killing the lights.

As the music rose and the title came up it was like seeing the start of a new life, Grace before the makeover was somehow still slightly feminine except the hair but as the images changed and the makeup went on the girl came out and so did the smile and sparkle. Each of the groups had a sub title and the music changed accordingly, the nightclub look, the formal, the sexy the casual, and then the group chatting over coffee. It finished with a stunning close-up that Jacky had done without Grace knowing it and the image said it all, “I am woman and I love myself.” As the image faded to black Toni brought up the lights slowly allowing everyone to adjust but fast enough to see Sue and Grace with tears rolling down their faces holding hands.

Grace just sat there the images told her that she was more than passable she could get away with any look she wanted. Her inner beauty came to the front and a gentleness that her mother could be proud of, Sue had known her son was different and now she saw why. They each took turns in hugging her and saying how natural and good she looked, Toni saying that very few models had the skin tone she had and the airbrush tool in Photoshop made most of them look like they did, it wasn’t natural.

Over dinner Grace was asked all of the normal questions like where to from here, what clothes do you like the most, what about Uni next year. Grace thanked Kerry for telling Sue about the lingerie shop and mentioned the corset she had bought and how good Lisa was with help and friendliness. Over dessert Toni talked about how the Manor was going to work and the things they had already put in place to allow them income and flexibility of work. It had become a project for both Jacky and Toni and they were looking forward to working together at last since they complimented each other in skills. Jacky had some modelling shoots to handle and would need to have the use of a good graphics artist to prepare the proofs and correct the skin tones etc so they had set up a high speed link and web site that could be used for proofing images. Toni had invested in a large format printer so she could handle A00 size, which was a decent poster format and one that could be used for small production runs or even banners if they got a vinyl feeder.

The niche makeover business was going to be harder to get going as locating the cliental would be the hurdle, the TG community did not advertise very openly and it would take much word of mouth to get started. The evening finished fairly early so Kerry and Janet decided to drive straight home, Jacky offered Sue and Grace a bed for the night and given the lateness and how much Grace had drunk they took up the offer. As Kerry left she asked about New Years Eve plans and said that she would send an invite around for their place.

The next morning Grace had to wear the cost of too much fun, the head hurt, the ears were super sensitive to noise, but most of all she felt silly for making a fool of herself. Sitting in the lounge she flicked through the slideshow again and paused at each one that drew her attention.

“Why did you stop at that one?” asked Toni.

Grace thought for a while and then decided that it was the eyes that made her stop and look, the eyes that captured her joy and sparkle for life. The clothes looked good on her but it was the eyes that pierced the viewer and held them as if locked on invisible retractor beams. Jacky came into the room as Grace was still staring at the one photo, it was daunting and beautiful at the same time, the glance of a young girl that could control so much with just her eyes. Jacky had seen the look through the camera lens but had to admit it was far better on the large screen.

Toni brought up the entire set of photos and selected each of them one by one as they talked about the colour, the pose, the message behind the image. For Grace it was a crash course in being critiqued as a model, which is something she had never thought about. Grace had done some media studies as an elective at Uni and from there she knew that some extras were not as presented, for example in the movie “Flash Dance”, Jennifer Beale had five stand-in dancers and two of them were actually males. Some body part actors could be used in male or female mode depending on the need and nobody was the wiser in the audience. The idea of actually doing real work was a distant joke she thought and left it on the shelf for Santa to look at. Toni had selected a few images that she wanted to use in advertising the Manor and showed them to Grace and Sue, the window shot was an absolute must as was the finger sucking on the bear skin rug, a tease shot that said come and take me.

Sue and Grace had packed their bags and were driving out of the Manor by eleven o’clock in the morning, Grace wanted to go out and not go home. Sue offered the option of going to the markets and buying fruit and veg as well as looking for Christmas presents which is what she had on her own calendar to do today. Grace just wanted to be out and about rather than cooped up at home so she agreed as they headed for the local markets. The stalls were mainly fruit and veg with stalls of handmade items scattered around the place but one that attracted Grace was the bedding stall, pink and frilly lace pillow cases and quilts. The owner showed her the sets of matching sheets and quickly Grace was asking for a price if she bought a complete set, and it would have to include the hanging mobile of the doll on a trapeze seat. It was more than she had thought it could cost but it did look very pretty and would make the spare room look so nice.

Sue could hear the money falling through the cracks in her credit card but she had been very frugal with their money over the years and had recently paid off her mortgage and was enjoying the extra $200 each week on little things. “Only if you take it as a Christmas present” she told Grace knowing that the sale was already concluded in Grace’s mind. The rest of the market was basically just like most of them and they quickly finished with the food bits and headed to the car again.

Christmas was always a lonely time for Sue as her family was over east and her friends all had families of their own so she was not looking forward to the time. They decided that Jen should work up to Christmas Eve and then come over for the three days. She would definitely bring some extra noise into the house and keep Grace busy, “why not, make sure she hasn’t made plans though” prompted Sue as they drove home.

The phone was ringing as they drove into the garage area, as they opened the door they heard the answering machine beep at the end of the message. Grace put her bags into the spare room along with the new quilt and sheets. Sue went to listen to the messages, one from a friend asking if she wanted to go to a movie tonight and one from Jen asking for a call back, she wanted to know about the makeover. Grace called Jen on her mobile and arranged for her to come over after work, Sue called her friend and said that the movies would be good fun and she would see her at 6:30 near the cinema. Sue unpacked her bag and put the food away, it had been a very interesting weekend and she had no doubts about Grace fitting in.

Jen arrived just after 6 with a large bag in her hand that looked like Santa’s sack, “these are for you if you want them” she said.

Grace pulled the bag apart and found several shoes, sneakers and a couple of handbags. “Where did they come from” she asked Jen.

“We always get trade samples and these are the wrong size for my staff, and they are your size.”
Grace slipped off her boots and put on each pair and by the end she had six pairs of new shoes and two handbags. Sue shouted goodbye as she left with the car and said that she would return around 9:30 food was in the fridge if they wanted anything.

“OK tell me about the makeover” said Jen “and I want to see the photos as well.”

Grace went to the DVD player in the lounge and put in the CD-R and turned the TV on hoping to see the slideshow just like Toni did. The DVD player brought up a message saying This media can not read please change for DVD or DVD/RW, it was an early model and was having trouble with the way Toni had saved the files.

“What about your computer, that should still read it” said Jen quickly.

Grace had a fairly wiz bang system with full video recording and sound editing facility as part of her media option last year but it was in the bedroom and the house rule was “no girls in the bedroom”. Grace decided that the rule applied to Graham and since she was now here the rule would be the opposite, No Boys in the Bedroom, she could agree to that.

As the computer started the slide show Grace told Jen all about Toni and Jacky’s plans for the Manor and how they loved their work and had the best options, at work or at home and still get paid. She talked about each slide as it came up and what had happened with each set of clothes until the lingerie set came up.

Jen pressed the pause button at the window shot, “that is so sexy” said Jen “where did you get the corset from, is it your mothers?”

Grace went to the dresser in the spare room and pulled out the corset and said “no, its all mine and brand new, do you like it?”

“I love it” said Jen, she held the garment to her body and stood in front of the mirror and turned side to side, “can I try it on, pretty pretty please?” she begged.

What could Grace do but say yes and offer the stockings as well, Jen had already taken off her shoes and top by the time Grace came back into her room with the stockings. Trying on your friends clothes and standing there half naked must be a girl thing thought Graham because Jen had stripped to just her pants forgetting that Grace was not actually a girl. Jen turned around for Grace to put the corset on from behind and lace it up, Grace wrapped it around her and started to thread the laces around the clips, tighter and tighter. The second run of tightening made Jen gasp just as Grace had so she told her to breath shallower and just try to relax, the pain would go down shortly. Jen had lifted her breasts into the cups and her nipples sat just on the line of lace, the corset was not too tight as she stood and turned in front of the mirror again and again lost in her thoughts.

“It was the last one in the shop” said Grace “but if you are really good I’ll let you borrow it one day.”

Jen kept the corset on while she watched the rest of the slide show on the computer screen but the window shot had been the best just behind the finger sucking on the rug. Having Jen sitting on her bed in just the corset and stockings was going to be a problem for Grace so she asked about food as a distraction.

“Put your clothes back on and come into the kitchen” said Grace heading out of the hot room.

Jen slipped on her heels and came out into the kitchen “wouldn’t you like me to stay like this instead?” she asked coming into the kitchen knowing full well that she had stirred up something.

“I am trying to find out who I am and that does not help” said Grace “Graham would not have to be asked twice but I’m confused”

Jen saw that the teasing was messing with Grace’s head and went back to get dressed without the corset.

“Sorry I shouldn’t have done that to you” said Jen putting her hand on Grace’s shoulder gently.

Grace turned to her and said “I am just getting confused, first the kiss and now this, it’s a big jump after two years of just being friends, why the sudden change?”

Jen sat down on a chair, “we get on really well but I haven’t had a close friend for years since she killed herself” Jen said just looking at Grace as tears welled up in her eyes and flowed down her face. “Linda and I would dress up, go out together and even go dancing sometimes, I have really missed her” and more tears just burst out.

Grace moved over and hugged Jen as she sobbed, and Grace could feel her chest heaving with pain as she stood there. Jen grabbed several tissues and wiped away the snot from her nose and face, tissues fell to the ground as she started again. This went on for nearly half an hour, her eyes looked red and puffy, her face was streaked as her makeup washed down her cheeks. Grace just stayed there and held Jen and at the end the whimper died down and Jen just sat there and quietly wiped her face.

“I haven’t had any time to grieve about her death or anyone to talk to either” she said “I was told not to talk about it but just put it to one side and finish my exams.”

Grace put the kettle on and Jen told her the entire story of how they had been friends since kindy class and then through high school as they found out about sex and boys and each other. The times they spent just talking about getting away from the small country town, about being free from the constant watching of people who knew each other’s most intimate details and would bring them up if chance arrived. Linda had obviously been more than just a friend for Jen and Grace understood the situation at the club on Friday night, it was the clothes that had triggered Jen.

They talked for ages and Grace pulled out some dip and crackers, some chips and coke, Jen just sat there and told her everything they had done as kids and how Linda’s death was due to the torment of being gay and not knowing who to talk to. Jen had been counselled by a family friend with good intentions but limited practical experience, “shut it down and get on with it” was the only advise that Jen heard. They were still talking when Sue’s car pulled into the driveway, Jen got up and went to the bathroom to make herself look better.

Sue had seen Jen’s car on the roadway and asked where she was, “just fixing her face, mum” said Grace without adding anything. It took several minutes to fix that much damage and Jen came out with a clean face and no makeup, but as she saw Sue she just started to cry again. She ran to Sue and buried herself in her arms and the sobbing started again, Sue had no idea what Graham had done to her but would find out as soon as she left. It was a few minutes before Jen calmed down and was able to say anything to Sue, then it all came out again, Sue just listened and gave her tissue after tissue until they had all gone. Jen left around 10:30 and Sue turned to Grace and asked what triggered the downpour in Jen, the corset and her teasing was mentioned.

“So who are you, Grace or Graham?” said Sue,

“I’m not sure anymore after tonight” offered Grace.

They went off to bed but since she had unanswered questions Grace was not going to find rest that easily and lay there churning things over in her mind. Graham loved the body of Jen, Grace loved having a friend, Graham enjoyed talking about clothes and girl stuff, Grace enjoyed being free to do anything she wanted, Graham was happy with his life but really enjoyed the clothes Grace had. Counting sheep didn’t work, counting new outfits and shoes worked better and she fell asleep in her baby dolls and breast forms, she had found a position that worked for her both physically and mentally. Jen had a good night’s sleep at last, her pain was real and it had been allowed to come out, the grieving had started after 24 months of shutting it all down and getting on with it.

Monday was Sue’s day at work but called in to say she would be late, “family issues” she said to her boss. She made breakfast for Grace and took it into her bedroom and woke her up and opened the blinds to let the sun in as only mothers do, children never open anything like curtains or blinds. Grace sat up in bed and slowly ate the breakfast of juice, cereal and some toast.

Sue asked how she had slept since last night was so traumatic and had left several questions still without answers that needed them. Grace was trying to put into words the logic that had worked last night but in the cold light of day it no longer worked, she enjoyed who she was and Graham enjoyed who he was but they were the same person and at times the same goals and feelings.

If “clothes maketh the man” then the opposite is also true “clothes maketh the woman” and Grace could talk about that after the makeover. Sue asked if Grace wanted to call it quits and return to normal,

“Definitely not, I am having too much fun” was the rapid response from Grace but Graham had been gagged a little.

“You can stop this at anytime you want to without any comment or criticism” said Sue, not knowing what pressure Grace was under.

Grace asked about how to handle Jen and her need too grieve but also not to make things complicated for her at the same time. Sue thought about the problem and suggested that they just be there for her and let her know she could talk at anytime to them. Sue went off to work felling much better and assured that Grace was going to be fine.

Grace took time to get ready, she had a bath instead of a shower, did her legs, then put the CD-R into the computer and followed the makeup hints from Jacky. The base, foundation, eyes, lips, and then she came to her hair. It wasn’t long enough for a girl but it was longer than she had been used to, it would take most of the summer break to grow out and be able to let her go without the wig. She took the wig off the Styrofoam head that Sue had given her and placed it on her head, sitting there with makeup and a wig on she could see the breasts that had been stuck on and suddenly wished they were really her own breasts. The body said female but the mind was confused, as she looked down to her pants she could only see the maleness as being the only sign of anything wrong in her body.

Would a quick cut with a knife do the job, if she did a good job the hospital would have to complete the work, it might not hurt so much. Grace snapped out of it and stood up even more confused as to who she was or what she was doing apart from knowing that she felt she had to follow through with it. Grace walked into her new wardrobe that was filling up with clothes, shoes and handbags, they were her clothes and not things she had taken from the op-shop bags her mum had put aside. She had underwear and skirts to wear and matching shoes that were modern, Christmas had come early for Grace, she must have been a very good girl that year. Grace chose a skirt and top from the rack that matched a pair of her shoes from last night’s delivery, she wanted to go and see Jen to thank her but also to see how she was going.

Driving up to the shopping centre she noticed the number of cars in the parking area was far more then last week. She had quite a walk to the entrance but the sound of heels on the footpath was a new one for her and she walked swinging her hips and stepping one leg in front of the other to make her skirt sway with her hips. The mall was packed with displays from schools and parents all milling around with little kids ready for a lunch time concert. Carols rang out through the PA system and Christmas was obviously coming to this little centre.

Jen saw Grace walking down the mall looking in windows, stopping to check out the specials racks out front of the stores, not a care in the world she thought. Jen also noticed that her own heart had picked up at the sight of her new friend; last night helped her in more ways than she could understand. She turned to one of the sales girls and said that she was going for lunch break early, the store was theirs and not to break it. She raced down the mall and attacked Grace with her hugs and kisses, “let’s have lunch” she said before Grace could say anything.

“Just what I was thinking of asking you” said Grace still shocked at being so visibly assaulted in public.

Jen suggested a little shop around the back that had tables facing outside the centre as well as into the mall, they could talk and get some fresh air as well. When they had ordered their lunch, Grace asked Jen how she was feeling after last night, was she OK about telling her everything.

Jen said “it was so much of a relief, I wish I had let it out earlier to someone, sorry it had to be you.” Grace told her to stop being silly and she was glad to be her sounding board and also give her the hugs she needed.

“We have talked about Christmas and if you have nothing better to do we would like you to stay over with us for the week” said Grace.

Jen had only agreed to dinner and suddenly it was for a week long stay over, “what about work.”
Grace thought about it then said “you can have the spare room all to your self and come and go as you need, no strings.”

Jen reached over the table and hugged Grace again, this was becoming quite nice thought Grace. The two girls talked about which bed they would have and could they have a slumber party, what about New Years Eve, did Grace have anything planned yet? It was only a few sleeps until Christmas day but Jen had to work all of them, she would be so tired she would probably sleep half the time at Grace’s house. Jen finished lunch and had to race back as it got busy over lunch but she totally loved spending time with Grace.

Grace came over for lunch each day that week to check on Jen, of course, but it was good to have somewhere to go and possibly to shop for more things. The budget she had was due to her grandfather’s estate and the trust fund that gave her enough for Uni fees, books and running a car. The shop next to Jen’s was one she had avoided all week due to the commotion over the credit card but on Friday she spotted the woman that said to come back in and ask for her so Grace decided to try it.

“Remember me?” she asked the woman behind the counter.

“Of course I do, did you like wearing the outfit?” she replied in a much better mood than last week. Grace asked about a style she saw in the window, white long dress with ragged hem in layers, it looked like cotton but had no shape or form to it. “You would need to have a good colour top to make it work, and by the way my name is Marg” she said.

Grace introduced herself properly and shook her hand, they would get on much better now she thought. Marg showed her some tops and belts then ushered her into the change rooms, “let me know when you have put them on.” Marg made some changes to the outfit until she was happy, Grace agreed the dress was very plain but could be worked by adding coloured layers around it. A scarf around her waist and hips, a wrap over her shoulders, some beads hanging from the belt and a bright top all came together to make a very chic chick outfit. When she had finished getting it right Grace asked Marg to cut the tags off as she would wear it home, or at least next door to show Jen. The old clothes were put in a bag for Grace to carry home. Jen saw Grace come into the store after the lunch time rush to take her to lunch she loved the new outfit and had to ask where she had bought it from.

By Saturday they had spent every lunch time together so Jen asked about going out for a drink after work if she promised to be good and not tease Grace like last weekend.

“Does that mean that you want my corset” she asked Jen,

“Only if you want to let me wear it?”

Grace had thought about wearing it but could not help but give in to Jen who was so infectious she made others so happy when she was around. Jen would come over after work and get changed at Grace’s place since she just happened to have the spare clothes in the car today. By five thirty Jen was sitting in the kitchen having a bite to eat with Grace and Sue.

“We are so looking forward to having you stay here” said Sue, Jen told her about the other Christmas days where she had been alone and how boring and depressing they had been for her.

She grabbed Grace’s hand and said that she was very happy to have Grace as a friend and really appreciated their help last weekend. Sue was staying home for the night but had planned to watch the first two parts of a trilogy that was coming to the cinemas next week and she would probably be still awake when they got home if Jen decided to sleep over. Grace and Jen vanished into her bedroom to get ready and Sue could hear plenty of giggling so assumed everything was fine, the house rules about girls in the bedroom seemed to be all wrong somehow.

Jen had brought over the same outfit as last weekend but wanted to wear the corset since Grace had offered. She stripped down to her pants and turned around so Grace could fit it properly to her front then turned around to let her do the laces up, Jen had no idea what that did to Grace. Jen was ready for the laces to go tight and found them only half as painful as last week. She pushed her chest up to sit in the cups and peak over the top of the lace trim, the laces got tighter and this time she had to gasp for breath. The hour glass figure was very attractive but so much pain she thought.

The girls didn’t go out until around nine as the party life was later rather than early on Saturday and Jen knew a few places that didn’t start until after 12, but she had to work at midday on Sunday. Grace said it was her turn to drive since Jen had driven him last week and Grace had chosen not to drink for a few weeks to help her lose weight. The club was just opening when they got there, it was early in the night so picking a table was just a matter of choosing where they wanted to sit. Jen went and got the first round of drinks and returned to the table as Grace was talking to a young guy about the group that was advertised for the night, she thought the guy was just making small talk until he asked for a dance later.

Jen interrupted with “sorry she’s mine” and the guy left rather disappointed that he had no chance with Grace.

“Why did you say that to him” asked Grace,

“Sorry, did you want to dance with him I can call him back” Jen said rather sarcastically. “I bet he would show you a really good time as well” she added just to push the point.

Grace had thought about her response to being chatted up but had missed the line when it happened, looking back on it she was flattered by the offer. The music started to ramp up and Jen was off dancing by herself as Grace sat and listened to the band, the young guy came back over to talk to Grace again.

“Are you really hers or can I have a dance?” he said to Grace.

“Maybe just one then” was all she could say.

Jen had seen the approach and just watched to see how Grace handled herself with a guy that was only interested in getting into her pants. Grace kept her distance and danced but as the music changed he tried to hold her a lot closer and Grace’s heart started to race, excitement or fear, the effect was the same. Jen waited to see if she would pull away or get closer, Grace danced for a while but made an excuse and went back to the table. Jen raced over and sat down with Grace, “why did you stop?” she asked Grace.

“I’m not sure about all of this yet, I would rather dance with you” was all Grace could say.

The rest of the night it was just Grace and Jen dancing together and by midnight they had danced, drunk and talked themselves horse. Grace drove home and Jen accepted the offer to sleep over, Sue was still awake and offered them Milo for bedtime. Jen went to the spare room and unpacked a pair of PJ’s then returned to the kitchen, Grace slipped into her baby dolls as the mugs of hot Milo were put on the table. Sue quickly asked about the night and then said goodnight and told them to keep the noise down if they were going to sit up and talk. Grace picked up her mug and told Jen to follow with hers, they went into the spare room as it was the furthest away from Sue’s room and hopped into bed with the pile of pillows against the wall.

They sat there drinking the hot chocolate and talking about the week and all the things they had done together since Jen found out about Grace, the lunches, the dancing and of course the shopping. Grace had never had a friend like Jen before, she was very bubbly and helped Grace come out of her shell more although tonight was a shock for her.

“OK lets talk about it” said Jen cutting to the chase as they say, “what were you thinking about dancing with him?’

Grace started at the beginning and said about not knowing who she was and that meant not knowing what she was, she needed labels to help make sense and keep everything in balance and suddenly the labels had all been moved or renamed. Confusion had brought with it a sense of experimentation to find the truth but that only showed more troubles for her. Jen waited until Grace had finished then told her about how she and Linda had been very good friends before they had started anything else, it just happened one day, we were enjoying a dance and we kissed but we both knew that something was different it was as if we had crossed a line. We both talked about it but she was my best friend and we enjoyed being together, it just kept happening and we had no problems with it. Linda had told another friend and it got out around the school playground but they just saw it as teenagers being silly until the taunts started and you know the rest of the story.

Grace put her arm around Jen to give her a cuddle and Jen snuggled down and into Grace’s side, they stayed there for a while just waiting, Grace didn’t want to leave and Jen didn’t want her to either. Sue woke up early in the morning and saw that Grace’s door was open and her bed was empty so she poked her head into the spare room. There lay the two girls snuggled up together still fast asleep, the cold mugs of Milo on the bedside cabinets only half drunk and teddy bear in the bed next to Jen. While they looked very peaceful Sue was still very concerned that anything else had happened to her daughter. Jen stirred as the door was closed so she got out of bed and put on a pair of jeans and top and went into the kitchen to see Sue.

“Hello sleepy head, I didn’t wake you did I?” asked Sue knowing that she probably had.

“No, it was time to get up anyway” replied Jen, “and before you ask, nothing happened last night I just had a case of the sulks again.”

That’s typical of Graham thought Sue, a girl like this and he is more concerned with her happiness, he had been brought up right. “Thankyou for being honest with me, dear” said Sue and leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

Grace slept for another hour so the two women had time to talk about Christmas and New Years Eve, the food and drinks, where they thought they could go without being mauled by drunks wanting to lick their tonsils out. They talked about decorating the tree that was part of Sue’s ritual each year and what Jen would like to do that would remind her of family back home. It was just like back home already she thought except she had a friend back that she loved. Grace came out wearing the denim skirt and t-shirt and Panda Eyes from not removing her makeup, obviously she had not checked in the mirror today. The two women laughed and asked if she was feeling alright today, Grace made noises and scratched her face.

“What do you mean?” she asked them.

Jen grabbed Grace and turned her around to face the hallway mirror, “so much for inner beauty” she told Grace and pushed her to the bathroom.

Grace surfaced several minutes later, showered, shaved, and made up with a daytime makeup style that looked much better. The three of them sat down for the breakfast that Sue had made, and chatted around the table until nearly eleven ‘clock when Jen had to get ready for work. As Jen left she kissed Grace gently on the lips and thanked her for being such a good friend, the blush from being kissed in front of her mother even came through the foundation and blusher.

Sue sat down and motioned for Grace to take a seat, “OK young girl or young man, we need to talk about this” stated Sue, she needed to get answers and he needed help sorting it all out in his head, or her head, whatever. They talked for over an hour about the same things that Jen and Grace had talked about last night, Sue accepted that nothing had happened but it was not good to be in that situation for either of them. Sue was very concerned that Grace was making huge leaps and Graham had very little future at this rate and Jen was a separate issue that just added to the confusion in Grace’s head. Grace thought she had made sense in her own mind and wanted to be Grace in love with Jen, but when it came out the words seemed to get mixed around, Graham could do whatever he wanted to later but this was Grace Period.

Sue was still concerned about them both but determined to keep talking with Grace and Grace promised to keep talking with her mum. The rest of the day was spent relaxing and Grace held a fashion show of the things she had purchased during the week, she had good taste and even Sue wouldn’t mind borrowing some of the gear, now that’s a change.

Kerry had made a separate section on her website for members by invite, it was called “Transscripts”, the double S being a play on words. It was a web-log or “blog” as it was known for any of the girls to write down their thoughts or ask for help, she had made a links page to other forums and help sites. Most of the girls looked daily and so did some of their partners, there was a calendar for them to put any special dates and Kerry had posted a Wednesday evening meal just for the girls and Grace had been invited to come along, usual place and time it said so Grace left comment about coming along and noticed that they would all be there, Toni and Kerry but also Sarah and Kate, who she had not met before. Kerry had also put a section together for partners or friends, this was not visible for the other girls and again only by special permissions on the user login. Grace asked for a login for Sue and one for Jen to be sent to their own email addresses on her behalf. The links always had interesting stuff like hair removal, electrolysis, surgery links, makeup techniques, clothing guides for web shopping and many links to bio’s of girls that had shared their stories.

Wednesday came around quickly and Grace was excited to be meeting the rest of the famous trio that Sue had told her about from work. Kerry had said to wear casual but smart so that meant a quick trip to the shops and help from Marg again. Grace needed a jacket that she could wear with jeans or a skirt and not be too heavy since the weather never really got cold. Marg was working behind the counter when Grace came in so she let her browse before going over to help.

“Something special today Grace” Marg asked.

“I need a coat or jacket that I can wear out but not hide my body” she said mischievously to Marg. By now Marg understood Grace’s sense of humour and simply went with it, she selected a cream cotton jacket that would sit just at hip level and it wasn’t expected to be buttoned up. It was last season’s winter stock so the price was marked for clearance.

“This is a good price, since you’ve spent so much here lately.”

“But I have so many years to catch up on and so little time to do it” returned Grace partly telling the truth. She had been thinking about the end of summer break and knew that only Grace or Graham would survive and the chance of both staying around was getting smaller each day.

The story you are about to read is partly fact, partly fiction, and partly faith, only the author knows the truth and others can guess. The basic details revolve around my life and the development of the last few years.

The Birth
It would seem that the softness of silk and nylon had always been a fascination to me even from the age of three but never more than at the age of forty-seven after losing over 43kg or nearly 95lbs in the old terms. For some unknown reason I found myself standing in front of the bedroom mirror dressed in only a black bra, knickers, suspender belt and stockings looking at myself and admiring what I saw in the mirror. The body was thinner than I could remember being for over thirty years and the whole image exploded in my head in a way that made my mind reel. Suddenly the doubts of the past came pouring back into my head, was I meant to be a girl, what would it be like, and what sort of girl I would be? The stream of images, doubts and questions bombarded me for a long time even after removing the clothes and putting them back neatly into their proper place so that I would not be found out.

But something had changed, like the Search for the Holy Grail I had a mission; to answer the questions and solve the doubts in my own mind. It was a period in my life that was very stressful and it was taking a toll on my peace of mind as well as my ability to cope with the demands of work and the problems that had grown over the years to a point where they needed fixing once and for all. The business had financial problems that could not be fixed by short-term sales but required cash injections from outside. I had taken these things on as being my problems and only I could save the business from ruin, my task, my workload, I just didn’t see the connection in all these things.

The quest to answer the questions of life gender and destiny began in earnest starting on the internet, forums, Google, back to chat groups, joining support groups on the web. All the time looking for answers that made sense and ones that could stand up against the questions that others would ask. The range and sheer volume of info was too much and at times did nothing but distract me from the goal as I explored the various branches of what I now understood to be transgenderism. The different types always had a great argument as to why they had it right and others had it wrong and that only they were justified in their actions. The interplay between interest groups and national or international groups sounded more like a political rally than a place to find answers for a trouble mind. I had only a small collection of clothes that I had collected over the years from skits and such like, nothing to write home about. It seemed that everyone used a femme name as they called it to hide their real names. I chose Kerry, don’t ask me why I have no idea, but Kerry was born, a bouncy 77 kg girl. It was after this that Kerry started to evolve into a person in her own right, email, signature, separate bank account, and even personality, but more on that later.
Every day seemed to bring more certainty in my goal but less hope of actually getting there, the risk of being ridiculed or cut off from work or friends, let alone wife and family. Many of the stories had endings that made me scared of losing everything and only a small percentage had what I would call a good ending where a balance of needs and wants were met for all parties. T-girls talked about being sacked, divorced, outed by their partners and workmates or even being assaulted and thrown out onto the streets with just their small piles of clothes. The amount of depression and suicide mentioned was also alarming, at times it seemed to be an expected part of being classed as transgendered. My wife Janet deserved to know what was going on in my mind but I could not answer any question about what or why and I thought that would put me at risk of losing her forever.

Early in the new year an invitation arrived for a fancy dress party, Pirates and Damsels, a chance to dress up and have fun. Only I had different ideas of the fun I wanted to have at the party, Janet could go as the Pirate I wanted to be the damsel and make everyone jealous. Over lunch I started an argument about women wearing heels, after all how hard could it be to wear them all day, get real. The girls bit straight away and after a few minutes I was gong to have to go to the party in heels, just what I wanted. Moving quickly I created a Pirates outfit for Janet and talked about what a Damsel outfit may contain and where would I get one. Looking back on this day I am amazed at how easy it was to get tacit approval for something that was so outrageous, even if they only partially understood the entire picture. I started looking at costume hire sites for damsel outfits and even asked a couple of female co-workers what a damsel would look like, they assumed it was for the wife so I told them nothing different.

The local Salvation Army thrift shop was on my way from home to work so I stopped in during lunch time. I walked around the shop looking for shoes that would suit, my neck was probably getting red as the excitement rose in my mind so I looked around for anyone that would be able to help me. At the back of the store was a middle aged woman sorting clothes and items “sorry to disturb you but I need some help buying shoes for a fancy dress party, what size ladies shoes would I need?” I asked slightly embarrassed at asking. She looked at me and simply laughed and picked up a pair of size ten 2” heels and told me to try them on in the shop. Oh, I didn’t actually think this through far enough, I thought I could just pick them up and vanish. I slipped my socks and shoes off quickly slipping my feet into the shoes, they fit and I felt very comfortable in them. No sense of enjoying the moment just getting out of there before the police came to arrest me or would the people in the shop pick up lumps of wood and attack me as being a freak. For five dollars they had a sale and I quickly headed back to work with my first piece of wardrobe in hand, the office was closed for normal business today so I would have it to myself after mid afternoon. I sat at my desk desperately wanting to try them on, waiting for the temp staff to leave. As soon as the last one had gone I raced down to my car and carefully hid the shoes in a paper bag to carry them into the office. My heart raced as I slipped off my old male shoes and socks again and gently slipped on my own new shoes, even if they were slightly scuffed. Standing up I felt the change on my stance, the way my body balanced and walking around my little office sent thoughts through my head about an entire wardrobe. Arriving home that night I put them on the table in a “show and tell” format, one that worked well to break the ice several times.

After a few days I had tried on several of Janet’s outfits without her knowing anything about my actions, the look I wanted was smart and sexy to make the most of my new body shape and make everyone see the girl instead of the male me. I could fit into some of Janet’s newer clothes that she had only recently purchased, size 12 fitted me quite well so I chose a black short skirt and tight red sweater as the ideal outfit for my “coming out” party. I got dressed one afternoon and walked into the lounge in front of Janet and the kids and said “what about this for the party?” The response was a definite negative although I had no idea why it was so bad, but then I had not really looked in the mirror at my short spiky hair. Over the next few weeks I visited several op-shops looking for bits to buy all in the cause of a fancy dress party, or so I told the sales girls. In hind sight I wonder what they really thought I was in there for, maybe they knew more than I was prepared to admit. After four weeks of shopping with Janet she was still not happy with my outfit, so determined to buy something on the day of the party she left for the last round of Op shops.

I had booked a wig and full makeup service as part of the disguise, camouflage or was it just war paint. I started with a very close shave, I had missed one for a day and a half to make sure that I would be very smooth then came into the lounge to have my nails done. Janet ran a buffer over my nails and totally missed the smooth finish they already had due to my own nail regime, then applied two coats of polish and made me blow on them until they dried, I wanted to choose the colours but that was too risky. I sat there wanting to direct the makeup artist but very cautious that it would give away more than I was prepared to let them know at this time. She applied moisturiser and then plenty of base coat that made me look very pale, just a blank palette she told me. I had no idea where she was going with the look, it went on more like paint than makeup, and made me look more like a porcelain doll than a real person; still it did hide me from the world. The outfit was a basic long purple peasant dress with tight long flowing sleeved top, a set of fake boobs made from rolled up underwear and a paper pointed cap and it looked just like Rapunzell. I had procured a pair of control pants from Janet’s leftovers that I used to tuck everything away and present a smooth front. A pair of black tights hid the hairy legs and the feel was really good as I slipped on my own shoes, a set of clip on earrings from one of my daughters and a lipstick in case of needing a touch up, a tissue and lipstick went into a glomesh purse and we were ready to hit the stage. A couple of family photos at home for prosperity and family fun afterwards and then it was into the car, I chose the passenger side and let Janet drive.

The entry into the party was fine, no body guessed it was me until I spoke and even then many had a hard time accepting it was me. My actions and gestures were strictly by the book, gentle and controlled. The shoes fitted well but after a few hours I sat down and slipped one of my feet out of a shoe and just rested, an action that was seen by a number of young girls at the party and commented on later. I was surprised that my boss made no comment or even talked to me during the entire party, in fact looking back I was totally shunned by him and his wife. The others made small talk and even the girls wanted to know what I had done and how it was so real even if it did mess with their heads slightly. The guys said how brave I was and several photos got taken, luckily none made the local press as it would have been very inappropriate for a state government candidate to be seen out and about like this. There again it may have got me more votes with the alternative voters.

The next few days were a little uncomfortable as people had problems with my outfit; no problems with getting me to do all the work I did, just nobody said anything about the party. I wanted to get clothes but was too afraid to go shopping in person so eBay became a way of getting things without getting caught. My first purchase was a really nice pink bra, my first bra, I now know why the first one is so special for girls, it marks a time of change of growing up and becoming a woman. It arrived at work one day in a plain A4 envelope after the money had been transferred electronically, the receptionist brought it into my office with an unusual look on her face. After I took it from her I understood what she would have felt, the underwire could be felt through the wrapping, nothing was ever said about this but I decided to not use the work PO box again. Little by little I purchased items on e-bay and had them sent to the post box that I had set up near work so that it was easy to collect. Each time something arrived I would race home trying to get there before anyone else and have time to try it on. Sometimes the purchase was rubbish, far from what the seller advertised, other times it was just great value and fitted perfectly.

One of the T-girls from Sydney was coming to Perth for a business trip so we arranged to meet for dinner, in drab of course, we had spent quite a while talking over the chat rooms and I felt safe enough. I picked her up in male mode from her hotel and we spent several hours over a meal talking about problems with being outed due to changes in our body and deportment. She had actually talked with a female workmate about her life and things seemed quite fine while I had no one to talk with. A week later I arranged a meeting with one of the local girls for coffee after work, she was somewhat apprehensive about meeting me but mentioning my meeting with the girl from Sydney gave her a level of confidence. Over the next months we had a few coffees when time permitted.

With work being very heavy and uncontrolled I had started having Tuesdays at home as a way of catching up, in reality it was Kerry time from the moment everyone had left for work until I put her away in the afternoon. I could dress, try makeup, shop at e-Bay, and read about makeup techniques, surf the web and chat. Kerry was free to do what ever she wanted, inside the house or back garden. One of my community activities required a trip away to the country for a conference, the choice was stay at the conference centre or find my own place so I chose a quiet motel some 5km away to ensure that others would not see me. The conference was to start at 10am so as soon as the others had left for work out came the wardrobe, or at least the bits I could take away. Coming home would be after the others got home so I had to only take Kerry gear, although she had collected a few really nice bits by now.

The conference dismissed at 4pm and I had not signed up for the main dinner preferring to stay in the motel and play. The first thing was to lay out the things I had brought and put the makeup in the bathroom ready for playtime. I slipped off my clothes and put on the new nickers and bustier that I had bought a few days earlier and then carefully slip on the black stockings and clip them to the suspender straps. The look and feeling was fantastic, the matching set cost over $90 but it was again my first piece of really nice lingerie that was truly mine. I needed both food and makeup so I put my drab clothes back on over the top with a thick sweater to cover the outline of the bustier and left my socks off. The drive to the shopping centre made we wonder who could tell that I didn’t have normal underwear on under my male clothes. I know, irrational but that’s what fear of being found out does to you. Inside the centre the shops had late night opening so I could have shopped for ages if I had the nerve to actually go into the shops that drew my attention. One shoe shop even had a special on only size ten women’s shoes from just $15 and they were just inside the door, nerves won out again and I lost. Getting foundation was easier, I just said that I was doing some stage work and needed a colour to suit my skin shade. All along I could feel the stockings tug at the belt and the feelings drove me crazy, the silky smooth legs being brushed by trousers, the delight in being dressed but hidden.

I picked up my salad and breakfast then headed back to the hotel room, safety and playtime. I put the food on the table and slipped into something more comfortable, just had to say that, then with a glass of wine and lipstick on I had dinner watching the news and wondering what it would be like to enjoy every day like this. My wardrobe also included a fairly basic wig which I found annoying as it was always putting strands into my mouth and not at all like the nice hair that I wanted but it was a work in progress and I had only just begun the “Quest for the Holy Grail”. I slipped back into trousers and a thin sweater and left the room for my own car, sitting there I slipped off my shoes and put on the heels that transformed my entire body into the girl I wanted to be. I drove around looking for somewhere to walk without being seen, a park or jetty, somewhere that I could hear the sound of heels clicking on concrete and wiggle my tush. Surprisingly there were several places that had good views of the water without putting myself in risk so I pulled over and slowly got out of the car, I still hadn’t got the movement right but as my feet hit the ground the sound rang out. I walked along the pathway towards the water’s edge and listened as the sound of heels on the boardwalk made me feel so excited to be out wearing the items I loved so much. Out along the jetty and trying to enjoy the experience before getting back into the car and finding another place to walk. The experience made me realize one thing, I wanted to get out of the house dressed just to see what it was like.

A month later I planned a country trip and a couple of days away for Kerry Time, by now my wardrobe had grown significantly and hiding it became a real hassle, bits scattered everywhere in places that only I would go. I also collected leftovers of makeup and jewellery, a wig, bra inserts, anything that would help me in the goal to see what kind of girl I would be. I chose a complete set of outfits for the trip including the new wig and some extra clothes just for the photo shoots that I wanted to do with the new digital camera I had bought. As soon as the family had left for work out came Kerry and her bags were packed, I also had several bits of her outfit under my drab clothes. I loaded the car and set off for two days alone with Kerry and my thoughts. Once out of the main town area I pulled over and made some minor changes to my outfit, the shoes that transform the entire body, the bra inserts that gave me a good size C shape and Kerry was out in the country. I drove a set route as I had to visit a couple of towns and check on their infrastructure without talking to anyone though. At one town I pulled into a local parking area off the main road, a few tables and a play area so I got out and walked around for a while, it was a Friday and that meant no tourists or even local traffic. I tried to enjoy my drink while all the time thinking about really getting out rather than being a hybrid of genders.

By evening I had come back to the same hotel I used last month and shortly after five the wardrobe was unpacked and I had food in the fridge for dinner. I hit the shower and followed up with a good shave ready for the makeup practice, this time my collection was much larger and along with eye liner, mascara, lipstick, eye shadows of many colours I wanted to try out different looks. I spent a few minutes and did my nails in a deep burgundy that I knew would match one of the outfits that I really loved as well as the lipstick I had chosen. The first two or three attempts would have fitted well in a circus rather than a girls face, the third had less of almost everything. The forth was OK so I got dressed into a very nice black dress and claret blouse along with the obligatory stockings and the new wig that came down to shoulder length and kicked under very nicely. I setup the camera and laptop so I could shoot and then download quickly and view on a large screen, this allowed me to review my handy work and make changes. I found the camera lied, the face was hideous due to too much colour, the wrong colours with the right clothes or something like that. I swapped eye shadow colour, far less, the lipstick was pale under the flash light, and stockings showed from under the dress and all along Paul was still present. I changed into pantyhose and with the better makeup the second round of shots looked much better. Through the first night I swapped into three different outfits, changed makeup, tried different hairstyles and captured plenty of photos, some of them got sent via email to my friend in Sydney for comment.

Kerry never had the pressures of work or home, she could just be the lady of leisure she wanted to be. In her life money had no bearing, the future was being created every day, and the past had never existed. One of the threads I followed on the web related to makeover services in the states and with an interstate business trip coming up I changed my searching to find a location that could help me find the girl within. A few recommendations, a couple of emails and the booking was made for six weeks time, just enough time to increase my wardrobe, makeup and accessories before flying out in search of the Holy Grail. My suitcase was filled with two kinds of clothes, those I intended to wear to the business events and those that I would wear the other times in the hotel and at the makeover. As soon as I arrived in the hotel, which was selected due to being T-friendly, I threw my male clothes into the drawers and carefully placed my nice gear in drawers in piles, neat and tidy, a place for everything. The wig was hung on a lampshade and the makeup put into the bathroom, nothing was hidden from view. My decision was that whenever I left the room I would be Paul and when I came back into the hotel I would be Kerry.

The night I arrived at the hotel was after a full day of conference followed by a five hour plane flight and a couple of taxi rides but my brain was just too active to think of sleep so I sat up and painted my toe nails and tried on some of the outfits to test what looked good. Taking a shower the next morning made an impact as the water ran down my legs and over the deep red toe nails, they looked so good, if only I could have them everyday. The rest of the morning was spent making sure everything was ready for the afternoon session with Cyanne at her studio. Just after eleven I left the hotel wearing my suspender belt and stockings, my white silk pants, and pink bra, then my jeans and loose fitting jumper to hide what lay underneath. It was a day of shopping at the markets and beauty shops, just a few items to help me out, I never did get the rings I wanted. Funnily the band of the silk G-string and suspender belt were getting higher up my back and secretly I wanted someone to see it.

Back at the hotel I waited until the time was close then had a very close shave, twice, just to make sure the beard would stay hidden for several hours. I changed my pants, made sure that all the clothes I wanted to use in the photos were packed in my backpack, left my ID in the room and called a taxi. It was only a short taxi ride but one that had taken a lifetime to start, as I knocked at the door I knew my nerves were on edge but the goal lay close at hand and I had to go through with it, I had come too far to miss out. As she opened the door and I introduced myself there was a sense of being at the start of a window cleaning exercise, removing the grime so that I could see the girl within. Cyanne as she was known was really a very nice and intelligent girl from our home town who went to school at a very well to do private church college. I suppose that her partner being TG also led her into the outside work she did with the T-community and the number of social events she helped to organise.

The first few minutes were just to make me feel comfortable, small talk as Paul, and then it changed to addressing Kerry and finding out about her needs and tastes. What colours did I like, what clothes had I brought with me, how did I get started and what did Janet
think, that was a sore point as I knew she had to be told but felt she could not handle it. I also did not know what Kerry was all about or how to explain dressing in women’s clothing and why I thought it was normal and OK. Questions that had not been answered in all the time I searched the web. I talked about being part of a church and what that entailed, Cyanne had other clients that held positions in churches and she knew of the risk of exposure. In fact several of her clients had well off jobs or prominent public profiles but still found the need to find the girl within and express their feminine side, regularly despite the risk.

Cyanne made me change into a makeup smock and proceeded to tell me about cover, foundation, eyes, all those things that I desperately wanted to know about but I was too excited to listen. It took her around 60 minutes to transform the face from Paul to Kerry and them she marched me upstairs to get changed. She had a large room set aside with clothes of all different colours and types, shoes, coats, and at least twenty wigs of all shapes and cuts. Now I would love to visit and stay for a day just playing in her wardrobe without having anything else to do apart from relax and explore. I stripped down to my basic underwear and stockings; she loved my suspender belt and asked where I had bought it from. The first thing she told me to use was a cincher that removed a few inches of waistline and that gave me a much smoother look all round. I already had my own bra on and inserted the breast forms that I had made to make me a respectable 36C. Cyanne chose a silver and black stretch top and then a skirt and black and gold over coat or jacket to start the photo shoot with along with a shoulder length wig in dark brown and blonde flecks. Two hours and four clothing changes later we finished the 100 photos. I don’t think I relaxed once during the entire afternoon and that was a mistake, I should have made more of an effort to enjoy it.

One of the things Cyanne and I had talked about before the makeover was the chance to go out for a drink or meal if I felt up to it, either way I intended on getting the most of the trip. I arranged with my friend to come out for tea with us, my coming out into the T-community, the first time anyone else had seen Kerry in the flesh. We had planned to go to one of the local T-clubs and have drinks and a meal with Cyanne and her partner if “She” showed up. Unfortunately the soccer team won that night and he stayed out drinking with the team. The car arrived in plenty of time and my friend greeted Cyanne who she already knew from her own sessions and t-community events around town. A quick check of lippy and hair, male clothes all packed away in the back pack and we headed for the door. Cyanne asked me if I was still good to go with all of this and although I was nervous it was also exciting. I had answered one question, what would I look like and still needed to answer the other one, what would it be like as a girl and that could only be done with other people around. We opened the front door stepped out onto the street just as another person walked by, I’m sure that I froze for a millisecond then it was across the road into the car and a short drive through early evening traffic to the club. Driving around I again wondered how many people standing on the side of the road or in the cars next to us could tell that the car full of women actually only contained one real woman. So far so good I thought as we entered the club and got signed in, not sure what name I used though. Climbing the stairs in heels was a thing I had only learnt that afternoon as my house is a single level, going down was all together a different task and I nearly fell down the stairs at Cyanne’s place during the afternoon. That would have been just right, break a leg while wearing a skirt in a far off state, maybe not so unusual for Sydney though.

We walked into the bar area upstairs, about twenty people were sitting around the bar and booths drinking and talking and as far as I could see there was only two of us t-girls in the entire place. I knew that I was being watched as I walked around to the main bar area, that made me feel quite unusual, I wanted to be seen as sexy but they were men looking at me. I followed Cyanne to a small table where we could drink and talk without being too conspicuous although the Taxi Club is well known for t-community patronage. A couple of other girls joined us with their drinks and for the next few hours we sat around had drinks, talked visited the ladies room, checked our makeup, even had a meal surrounded by dozens of people and they must have known who we were. Our waiter asked for our order by saying “have you ladies decided what you would like yet?” such a charming person. We took some photos of us at the table and then used Photoshop to remove the people behind us, just to save the guilty I guess, this photo showed Kerry having fun and obviously very relaxed. The longer we stayed the more I relaxed and started to feel comfortable with who I was but all too soon the time was over, both girls had work in the morning and I had a conference to go to. Going down the stairs in heels got easier as I watched Cyanne go first, I simply copied her.

Out in the car park I spoke with Cyanne about picking up the photos during the week and returning her clothes. Then with permission I gave her a hug and thanked her for releasing Kerry. They drove me to the hotel and let me out about 100m from the hotel front door, I repeated my good byes and headed for the hotel foyer. Walking along the street at ten o’clock on a Sunday night, the wind gently blowing around my legs and the heels clicking on the pavement, I was out in public and it made me feel so alive I wanted to keep walking but decided against it given the area. I opened the large wooden front door to the hotel, inside I could see two night attendants standing at the front desk that I had to walk directly in front of. No choice in where to go I just kept walking past them and opened my room door, I listened very carefully and heard no comments or laughter from them, I guess if you see it every day then it becomes normal.

Inside my room I was free to relax again and made a drink before turning on the TV, my body was so alive I knew I would not sleep. Slowly I unpacked my clothes and put them away, the male ones I just discarded into the wash pile. Kerry was very clearly visible and I didn’t want to lose any detail about her, I looked in the mirror at the makeup, the way the eyes had been outlined and the lips made to appear fatter. I wanted to be able to let her back out at any time in the future. I slowly got undressed and put away the clothes that I had worn for my coming out, some of them mine and some from Cyanne’s collection. The rest of the week was just as good, after each days conference I would come back change and have dinner, a glass of wine and then take some photos. Just like the country trips I had time to try things out, clothes, makeup and most of the photos showed a totally different girl to the studio shots, this one had a smile on her face and was obviously enjoying herself. The Hotel also had limited wireless connection that only worked in the lounge area, I found myself sitting on one of the lounge suites working my laptop talking to one of the night staff about my family. It was only after he had left that I realised that my shoes were off and my stockinged feet with red nail polish were folded under my body but very visible to him.

It was pure Kerry Time and packing up on the last day was especially hard, going back to limited time and freedom, compared to the freedom of the last few days. The depth of this sadness really surprised me since I saw myself as being robust emotionally and able to control myself, the tears should have shown me that more was happening on the inside than on the outside. The trip back home was normal, unpacking and hiding my clothes was done as required but the buzz of seeing Kerry out and about and the sadness at shutting her down to come home lasted a long time. The photos showed Kerry in various poses but the buzz and mental images made far more impact for much longer to come. The CD was hidden away from view and marked as backup files so no one would go looking at it. The emails back and forth to Sydney included some more photos from the club and soon Kerry had her own portfolio of snaps that showed what she looked like both dressed up and relaxing in the hotel or club or studio.

A few weeks later Cyanne emailed me about a makeup demo in our home town she would be giving at the local cross dresser support group and asked me to lend a hand with some technology and possible modelling. A task I jumped at and started planning my outfit, I wanted a basic brown jeans, white opened toe strappy sandals and a white rolled neck jumper, after a small bout of shopping on e-bay I was ready to do the show. It was a Saturday afternoon and I had a new outfit just for the show, I had decided to have a weekend away with the group at their annual camp and arranged to purchase a set of silicon breast forms from the organiser if she brought them along for me to try on during the makeover demo on the Saturday. I paid for the camp and asked the co-ordinator to bring the breast forms along to the camp on the next weekend, it was as if Kerry was finding new ground to walk on, a new sphere of activity, but I had no idea what was coming around the corner.

A few days later while laying in bed, before the day started, Janet told me about a dream she had overnight, basically she thought that God told her I had not told her something but if I did it would bring a blessing to me. Of course it would feel like being kicked in the guts and I would probably lose my job, but I would be blessed in the end. I was very confused, I knew I had to tell Janet, I also knew it would hurt both her and me, but God had promised a blessing. Confusion and fear raged within my head, could I survive, would Janet leave me, would it hurt her so much that she would go into depression again. She saw her dream as a “prophetic dream” and if I just denied any knowledge of what she had dreamt about it would also be denying the gift God had given her, it was me or her and I chose her.

Telling Janet about my feeling and the things I had done took over an hour and all the way through I shared my fear of losing her and the worry of being rejected. Janet consistently affirmed her love for me and the promise to stay with me and see this thing through to the end. I was surprised at her response and just kept trying to explain what transgenderism was and how it had been part of my life for so many years yet I was just finding out what it meant. We talked about how the boss would react and I thought it better not to tell them at work yet.

After a few hours I went in to work and phoned Janet during the day to see how she was handling everything, it was all okay until about 4 hours in and the reality hit home and she crashed into a heap of tears. She wanted to talk to someone and I had not thought about whom she could talk to and how I would react to others knowing about my secret. Janet phoned a friend in another state and talked through some of the fears she had, and also a friend at work that she confided in. Both people had no experience with transgenderism and could only give support and some ideas on checking the bank accounts and other activities in case of more secrets.

Over the next few days we discussed it several times and I eventually fronted up to work and told my boss about the issue and asked to stand down from major decision making areas while I sorted out the issue with Janet. I told him because there was no thought of not being supported through something that I saw as a need in my life. There was never a real thought of losing my job or being ridiculed, I expected grace and help from people that claimed to give both to those who came asking. I was asked to formally inform the board of directors since I was also a director and had responsibility for the financial area of the company. They affirmed their support for me without knowing exactly what I was going through and agreed that I should take some time to process everything. The promise of support from my fellow directors gave me confidence that things would be alright and given enough time I could return to my duties as a director.

Soon after this Janet and I went away for a couple of days, I travelled back to work every day rather than stay at home by myself. As we took time to talk through the issues and try to see where we should go it became clear that the only thing I could do was to undertake not to do anymore dressing and dispose of the gear I had accumulated. As I drove back and forth the gear was cleared out of the house and either thrown in the bin or given to the Salvo’s. After disposing of the lingerie I was physically shaking as I turned up at work. Looking back it was a mixture of shock and grief that was quickly locked away and not allowed to surface. I really wanted to show Janet what I had selected to wear; a way of proving that it wasn’t Rocky Horror Show, or drag Queen style. I was also proud of the things I had bought and how they looked together. She has never asked me about what I had apart from a quick “what sort of stuff did you buy?” and that was only to allay her fears. The CD of photos was destroyed and all picture files on the computer were deleted and even cleared from the rubbish bin. Email accounts were removed from Yahoo and all redirections cancelled. As far as anyone could see the physical presence of Kerry had been totally removed, but the brain still held the images and that would be very hard to delete.

Over the next four weeks we met with counsellors and talked through their thoughts of “My Problem or My Sin” as they called it. They didn’t really try to ask me about how I felt instead they told me I was deceiving everyone and had lied to them. Their understanding of the entire issue made everything I had read about it seem like lies and false teachings. The confusion in my mind was even greater than when I started the search for the Holy Grail, and it only made me more compliant with their requests for full confession and repentance in front of the leadership and then the entire church community. Being a people pleaser and trying really hard to get back into the good books I agreed to everything they asked of me. I did everything that was requested of me or should I say demanded of me since that is how it appeared to me, they had the control and I was now a puppet in their hands.

Over the next few months I attended counselling away from work at my own expense and tried to make an effort to do all the normal things while inside I was crying in pain. It wasn’t so much the pain of being caught out but rather the pain of losing a friend that I felt was part of me without any chance of getting her back. They required me to attend ten weekly sessions before making any decisions. It became clear that nothing would be tolerated, hair, nails, discussion, it was all too hard and I was constantly reminded about the deceit that I had inflicted on others and the lack of trust they now had in me. After four months I was sacked from work, of course it was not related to Kerry, but they could never tell me what it was related to either. It was cold, harsh and immediate with no compensation or warning, totally against the laws of the land and our operations manual. For the next twelve months we made attempts to find answers and at every step it was met with more accusations and no answers. It seemed that the remaining directors had decided it was too hard to agree to their promise of standing beside me and it was now easier to just get rid of me.

All the time this was happening, I attended counselling and worked through the pain of my past and learnt how to react differently. On rare occasions the topic would come up at home and I would try to get my point across but it always seemed to end in tears. Even here the stereo type transvestite was ugly and filthy with no redeeming features and how could it fit in with our belief system. The effort it was taking was just too much and over the months it became easier to not mention it, but the pain never went away it just grew. As we found other activities to fill our lives the people that had been part of our previous way of life faded away and stopped calling us. After 12 months only two people still remained in contact and would talk or have coffee with us. Only two remained.

Looking at the whole situation at times I wished that I had kept my mouth shut, lied to Janet and kept Kerry in the closet, at least we could have had some time together. The pain of being judged without trial, condemned without cause and sent away with no option of return has been a harsh punishment to handle. We would not allow it to happen in the world but it seems it is acceptable in the church, at least it was in ours and possibly many others around the world as people with needs are pushed into a box that is designed by others to keep themselves happy and safe.

The pressure on our marriage was considerable and at times it caused so much pain that we could have just walked away from the entire scene and never return, but at other times we knew we needed answers. The impact on our physical health was also hard to handle, pain and sleep loss, trouble with recurring injuries and just a feeling of loss and depression that remained with both of us on a daily basis. Thoughts of suicide came frequently along with depression and anger at being treated like worthless rags, discarded rather than cleaned, torn rather than repaired.

This is a follow on from my autobiography, A Tale of Release chapter 1

Review of first part

It would seem that the softness of silk and nylon had always been a fascination to me even from the age of three but never more than at the age of forty-seven after losing over 43kg or nearly 95lbs in the old terms. For some unknown reason I found myself standing in front of the bedroom mirror dressed in only a black bra, knickers, garter belt and stockings looking at myself and admiring what I saw in the mirror. The body was thinner than I could remember being for over thirty years and the whole image exploded in my head in a way that made my mind reel. Suddenly the doubts of the past came pouring back into my head, was I meant to be a girl, what would it be like, and what sort of girl I would be? The stream of images, doubts and questions bombarded me for a long time even after removing the clothes and putting them back neatly into their proper place so that I would not be found out.

But something had changed, like the Search for the Holy Grail I had a mission; to answer the questions and solve the doubts in my own mind. It was a period in my life that was very stressful and it was taking a toll on my peace of mind as well as my ability to cope with the demands of work and the problems that had grown over the years to a point where they needed fixing once and for all.

I wanted to get clothes but was too afraid to go shopping in person so eBay became a way of getting things without getting caught. My first purchase was a really nice pink bra, my first bra, I now know why the first one is so special for girls, it marks a time of change of growing up and becoming a woman. Little by little I purchased items on e-bay and had them sent to the post box that I had set up near work so that it was easy to collect. Each time something arrived I would race home trying to get there before anyone else and have time to try it on. Sometimes the purchase was rubbish, far from what the seller advertised, other times it was just great value and fitted perfectly.

One of the threads I followed on the web related to makeover services in the states and with an interstate business trip coming up I changed my searching to find a location that could help me find the girl within. A few recommendations, a couple of emails and the booking was made for six weeks time, just enough time to increase my wardrobe, makeup and accessories before flying out in search of the Holy Grail. At the hotel I waited until the time was close then had a very close shave, twice, just to make sure the beard would stay hidden for several hours. It was only a short taxi ride but one that had taken a lifetime to start, as I knocked at the door I knew my nerves were on edge but the goal lay close at hand and I had to go through with it, I had come too far to miss out. As she opened the door and I introduced myself there was a sense of being at the start of a window cleaning exercise, removing the grime so that I could see the girl within.

A month later while laying in bed, before the day started, Janet told me about a dream she had overnight, I was very confused, I knew I had to tell Janet, I also knew it would hurt both her and me. Confusion and fear raged within my head, could I survive, would Janet leave me, would it hurt her so much that she would go into depression again. Telling Janet about my feeling and the things I had done took over an hour and all the way through I shared my fear of losing her and the worry of being rejected. Janet consistently affirmed her love for me and the promise to stay with me and see this thing through to the end. I was surprised at her response and just kept trying to explain what transgenderism was and how it had been part of my life for so many years yet I was just finding out what it meant. We talked about how the boss would react and I thought it better not to tell them at work yet.

Over the next few days we discussed it several times and I eventually fronted up to work and told my boss about the issue and asked to stand down from major decision making areas while I sorted out the issue with Janet. I told him because there was no thought of not being supported through something that I saw as a need in my life. There was never a real thought of losing my job or being ridiculed, after four months I was sacked from work, it was cold, harsh and immediate with no compensation or warning.

The pressure on our marriage was considerable and at times it caused so much pain that we could have just walked away from the entire scene and never return, but at other times we knew we needed answers. The impact on our physical health was also hard to handle, pain and sleep loss, trouble with recurring injuries and just a feeling of loss and depression that remained with both of us on a daily basis. Thoughts of suicide came frequently along with depression and anger at being treated like worthless rags, discarded rather than cleaned, torn rather than repaired.

And now the story of what could have been!

Kerry sat at her desk in the spare bedroom, of her two bedroom unit, looking out of the window half watching and half remembering the last ten months. The desk was her father's old roll top desk with leather insert and small drawers for envelopes and stamps, very neat and tidy but not practical for a full desktop computer system. She used it for her writing and bill keeping with a laptop filling most of the desk area when it was used. The last year and a half had flown by and only now could she sit and think about it without bursting into tears. Her new boss, Bill, had seen the pain and confusion over the last 18 months and had insisted that she take two weeks off work and go away. Actually what Bill had seen was the pain Paul had gone through, initially he knew nothing about Kerry. He had always suspected that there was more to Paul than he could prove but didn’t want to know too much as he may have to make a decision about it.

Kerry’s mind drifted back over the time, Paul was more and more troubled by the conflict within his mind about being transgendered but not able to communicate the depth of his feelings to his wife. Kerry had been locked away and all of her clothes, shoes, makeup and jewelry thrown away, as far as others were concerned Kerry was dead. Paul had gone through many counseling sessions but Kerry had never gone away, he was not in need of healing or fixing up, it was their problem not his or hers. The tension continued between Paul and Janet with both shutting down their communications as if Kerry would just go away and things could return to normal. It never did return to normal and gradually the split became noticeable to others as well as Paul and Janet.

The physical split occurred one day when Janet walked into the house to find Paul sitting on the settee crying. “I can’t continue to live like this, and you deserve better” he said as Janet held his hand, she had dreaded this talk for many months but as it came she thought that everything would be OK. The pressure of lodging legal action against the directors of Paul’s last employer had drained them both, the simple process of ensuring confidentiality exploded when the directors retaliated with counter action seeking compensation and damages for Paul’s ‘deceptive lifestyle’. The legal bill had grown to twenty grand and still no result was in sight, the tension was ripping them apart.

Paul took a few days off work to talk with the kids about his decisions and what Janet would be telling them about his “problem” and why they had decided to split. It was not going to be easy to hide the main issue so Paul accepted that he had to be open about everything and hope the kids, who were actually all adults, would still love him and understand what he was doing and why. It was also a time to find a suitable small unit to rent and move out his clothes, some furniture and his business gear. Paul made sure that his old bank account was still active and with Janet’s knowledge they split the bank balance and locked the joint credit card accounts. Janet was to stay in the house and they would jointly maintain it until a decision would be made about divorce or reconciliation.

Paul had gone through the house and divided the furniture like the spare double bed, the second lounge suite, a full set of crockery with eight settings, the second dining table and chairs, the small fridge and the freezer. As they divided the house it was surprising how much he would actually end up with, the main shortage was a microwave and pans, a small cost compared to the main items. The unit came equipped with a washer and dryer so that could wait until he made firmer plans, he called a removalist to make it easier and the rest of his clothes fitted into the car and as he drove away Janet felt that he would not be coming back. Sitting next to him in the car was the unseen Kerry, she was excited about the future but concerned for the hurt Paul was about to feel.

Compared to their house the unit felt small and had limited access but was well placed for work and the river, about twenty years old but it had been refurbished recently. Paul planned to set aside one of the bedrooms as an office for work and had arranged a wireless broadband account so that connection would be alright until he could decide about buying a house or unit for himself. The furniture was easily moved in, the basic nature of the unit was fine for a few months but not over the long term. The removalist had left as Paul finished putting his clothes away in the wardrobe the impact of what he had done and the loneliness hit him. He turned around and sat down on the bed and cried, there was nothing Kerry could do except watch and let some of the pain they both felt flow out of the body they shared.

The next day was Saturday so Paul went shopping for the simple necessities of the house, microwave cooker, ironing board, mop, cleaning material, food, pantyhose, hair remover, nail polish remover, makeup, just a starting point. Another decision Paul made was to set timeframes for certain goals such as weight, hair, clothing etc, the first one to arrive would be the use of male underwear. He had decided that no male underwear would be washed and this meant that the ten or so pairs of jocks had only one more wearing before being thrown in the bin. This would force him to go to a nearby lingerie shop and procure enough knickers for a whole week or more so his first visit took place on Saturday afternoon.

The shop was positioned on a mixed use road, residential and commercial so foot traffic was mainly limited to prams and joggers heading to the local park. Paul drove past the shop carefully checking out the customers then parked the car just up the road and walked back to the front door, the place was empty and a single salesperson stood drinking her coffee behind the counter. Paul walked around the shop nervously looking at the treasure trove of clothes.

“Hi can I help you with something today?” asked Lisa smiling at Paul. “Our house was ransacked recently when it was robbed and my wife’s lingerie drawer ended up being thrown away” said Paul testing the storyline as he went “so she needs some nice stuff to replace what thirty years had collected please.” Lisa showed Paul some nice things but at this point Paul just wanted to get the basics “I was thinking of buying her some nice pants to replace the basic cotton ones she has been putting up with.” Paul chose a couple of sets of white silk and some light blue and some in what looked like a very tight black Lycra. He paid the bill and left fairly quickly without chatting or stopping to check out the rest of the shop.

His second visit was a few days later on the Thursday after work, Lisa was serving again and she remembered Paul’s visit from Saturday, “how did the wife like the pants?” she asked Paul “oh, very nice thanks” Paul said clumsily. Lisa let him walk around the shop looking at different things as she watched him, there was something that made Lisa twig about Paul’s real intentions.

“My name is Lisa, look I may be totally off base with this but can I ask who the bits are for?” Lisa said watching the sudden reddening of Paul’s face. “Sorry I didn’t mean to be rude it’s just that I like to make sure our customers are totally happy” Lisa said still watching Paul’s face “are they for you?”

Paul looked at her trying to decide if she was very observant or just making an outrageous guess and could he trust her. “We have several clients that enjoy our lingerie selections under their normal clothes, if you know what I mean” Lisa said feeling that she was not going to get a direct answer to her question. “What style are you looking for day wear or more risqué?” she asked Paul trying to get any lead as to what he wanted. “I need all of the basics to start with please” Paul said in quiet tones, “do you have anything apart from the things you bought on Saturday?” Lisa asked him, Paul shook his head. “Can I offer something special for you, we normally close at around seven on Thursdays, why don’t you go home change and come back wearing just a track suit or similar, I’ll close the shop and you can choose without being disturbed.”

Paul was back at quarter to seven wearing just sneakers and track suit without a t-shirt underneath waiting for Lisa to shut the shop. The outside light was turned off and the door blind was pulled down to give some privacy, “just come outback to the fitting rooms so I can check your measurements then we can start choosing something nice for you” Lisa told him while still being careful not to offend her new client. Lisa measured and noted every part of his body that counted but it would come down to trying them on for most things. “My plan is to lose at least 20kg over the next eight months so I need nice but not too expensive please” Paul said, letting Lisa in on his grand plan in just the smallest way. Camisole tops and night shirts, pants and garter belts all mounded up on the counter as Lisa helped to dress Paul in some nice items that he had only dreamt of for the last two years. “I really need a couple of bras as well but have no idea what size I should be” Paul said looking at the matching sets to his knickers. Lisa suggested that any size 38 would do depending on how big he wanted to look, the jump from just wearing some lingerie to presenting as a woman had just been made without Paul noticing the subtle switch in her focus.

Paul chose a couple of delicate numbers based purely on fitting size and colour to match his other bits, he had decided on a C cup size and thought that would allow some shape without being over the top. Lisa had only ever had a couple of clients that went the extra distance but she was well aware of what would be required for Paul to do a good job, “we also have some things that you will find very helpful” she said and showed him the control briefs at the back of the shop. By the time he had added on a body stocking, a nicely shaped one piece, silk topped stockings and more pantyhose the bill came to well over two hundred dollars and Paul knew that Lisa would be making a nice bonus on the out of hours sale. As Paul was picking up his bags Lisa told him that if he called in advance she would be happy to stay back and help him anytime. The first goal of new underwear had been reached within the set time, actually four days ahead of time.

The internet connection was going to get a pounding as e-bay was anonymous and Paul could shop without any threat. He arranged for a post office box near work to allow for regular pickups of mail and net purchases during daytime hours. The spare room had been set up as an office but with a second wardrobe area, Kerry would have a place for her stuff. Back at work Bill asked Paul how things were going and assured him of the availability of timeout if needed, his job would not be at risk. The projects could wait but Paul wanted to get back into it as a coping mechanism and take his mind off the pain, or that is what he told Bill. One of the guys had gone through separation a year earlier and offered to help Paul if he had any problems, an offer of joining them for drinks at a local pub after work to help Paul get over it was far from where Paul was at and had to make suitable thanks and promise to ask if he had anything to talk about. The reality was that even after fourteen days he had planned the next six months like a precision project and wanted to get started, he knew the goals and targets that had to be hit as well as the cost of each step. Hair grows at 2cm per month his hairdresser had once told him so deciding on hair length and amount of time available the rest was just mathematics. The internet was a great tool for shopping, clothing and medical services could be compared and researched without anyone knowing your name or location.

Paul sought the advice of a registered psychiatrist to give some stability and also help in the paperwork if he decided to proceed into a real life test (RLT) in the future, although the future was getting clearer every day. The initial consultation was very low key as doctor Anne got Paul to talk about the feelings he had gone through over the last two years and what he thought the future may look like. At the next visit the usual gender identification test, the hormone tests, and the psych evaluation were done to give Anne a clear picture to work with. At the end of the session she confirmed a higher feminine rating than normal, for a male, and also significant trends towards transgenderism. Anne finished her analysis with “there is really only one question that is still unanswered, when do you intend to start the RLT?” Paul had to think quickly about the answer. Finally he said “I guess that is still my main question isn’t it” he had no idea how it would be possible to transition at work or if he would look any good as a woman without serious rework of his face and body. Sessions were planned for every two months just to make sure he was still on a stable footing and prepare the RLT papers if needed.

As Paul’s emotions settled down he found that single living was much better than living in a house where there was too much stress and no communication. Janet had sought legal advice incase Paul didn’t return, what would be the best way of handling the money and investment property without losing tax advantages or future wealth. It was decided that Janet should rent a small unit and the main house should be rented out along with the other property under the company name thereby making each person equal partners under law. She chose a unit near the beach with just a short term lease agreement just in case Paul returned, although it was looking less likely each week.

They met each fortnight to cover the bills and talk things through but after three months the meetings got shorter and Paul kept the personal talk to a minimum. Janet noticed that his hair was much longer and he had lost quite a few kilos, his clothes looked somehow different than she had seen him wear before. If Janet had seen Paul during the weekend inside the unit she would have known the name of the woman that was bringing about such changes in his life, it was Kerry. Slowly Kerry added to her wardrobe, several visits to the lingerie shop where Lisa understood Paul had different needs and tried to make shopping easier.

The local hair dresser provided more than just haircuts and Paul got his chest and back waxed at his first visit, the next visit was to get them redone as well as his arms. The salon was only small and closed early on Thursday nights but Paul arranged for an appointment after hours to get his hair styled with a more flexible or slightly feminine style. By the third month Paul had both ears pierced and skin tone studs in them for work but as soon as he got home they got swapped for larger gold hoops or dangling earrings that touched his neck as they swung around. Makeup was a huge learning curve and Paul had a lit mirror installed in the bedroom along with a great magnifying mirror on an extension arm in the bathroom.

The other main choice he made was to only buy good quality makeup after trying some of the cheaper products he found that better quality also meant less use and better look, lipstick was a good example thicker and brighter as well as longer lasting. Eye liner and mascara seemed to go on just so much better and the finished look was well worth the extra cost. Paul’s mother had always said “never buy tat” or in plain English “you get what you pay for so don’t waste your money.” Now he was very certain she meant only buy goods skirts and dresses, so Paul did just as she instructed even knowing that the early purchases would be thrown away or sold online via eBay. One of the outfits Kerry had owned when she first arrived nearly three years earlier was a fully lined knee length grey skirt that felt just so good she had to have one just like it.

Being very good at retaining information such as website URL’s fashion label names etc it only took Paul a few minutes to track down a consultant that sold the clothes through a party plan option. Of course neither Paul nor Kerry had any plans to front up to a room full of real women and try on the clothes, but by offering a decent sale it was possible to arrange an out of hours private party for one at minimal notice to fit in with the consultants plans. Paul met Renee one Wednesday evening after a group booking had been cancelled the day before, they had talked over the phone and by referring to her work with the local cross dressers support group Paul was able to convince her that he was safe.

Paul fronted up wearing the same track suit he wore to Lisa’s shop but carried a bag of bits, bra inserts, wig, three pairs of shoes etc, he already had on pantyhose, camisole and bra as well as basic makeup. “Can I ask for one favour?” asked Paul “can I just make a few small changes and then please call me Kerry, it will save a lot of confusion for both of us.” Renee had no problems and let Kerry have some privacy while she adjusted herself, her camisole and bra showing as the track suit top was unzipped partly after inserting the breast forms to give the shape she wanted. They talked about styles and fittings etc as Renee flicked through several racks of current designs, Kerry loved the shopping in person and total safety of it all. The entire range was geared towards more mature ladies thought Kerry and although she thought of herself as being young she kept going back to one phrase, ‘age appropriate dressing’.

Renee helped Kerry select good fitting clothes that still would look good if she lost more weight, then it was dressing time and Renee asked if Kerry needed to be alone. “If you don’t mind I would appreciate your advice, I’m still new at this girl stuff” Kerry laughed trying more to make herself at ease than Renee. The new styles looked very nice and Kerry could have spent a good five hundred without thinking but she still had 10kg to go and that would be nearly two dress sizes. Understanding the problem Renee showed Kerry a rack of last year's demo stock that she had out back in her work room, one of the dresses she loved was on the rack but just too small, next month it would fit she told herself and took it straight away. Every two months Renee would call Kerry and see if she wanted to drop in, the clothes that no longer fitted her grew slowly as buying was far more fun than selling. It would be Renee that helped Kerry with many of her work outfits later on and just a good sense of what fitted with her body shape.

By the end of four months and with the help of hormones the body hair was reducing as was his waistline while the bust line had marginally increased, just an increase in the size of his aureoles with slight swelling behind them. Paul had decided that the first six months would be to get down to the right body size and change features that could, if anything happened, be undone and return to normal Paul mode. The web gave so many locations that could provide facial feminization surgery (FFS), sex reassignment surgery (SRS) or breast augmentation (BA) from London to LA and Thailand to Toronto. The prices varied depending on the local health prices but Thailand was by far the closest to Paul’s bank account, all these things would only take place if Paul changed his mind. The lawyer called about the legal action and gave Paul an update and then found out about the split of the marriage, Andrew wanted to know about Paul’s plans and offered his services if needed.

After six months Paul was down to 68kg and his waistline was down to just 30” with hips still at 36” and a chest of 36 but only enough breast matter for fill an A cup. A couple of extra visits to see Lisa in the lingerie shop helped keep Paul in good fitting underwear and it was her that spotted the growth in chest size. “I see that something is changing up top dear” Lisa said as she measured Paul for another bra one Thursday night after closing time, “just a few hormones nothing much , yet” he said in a playful voice. Lisa had been showing Paul some of the latest gear to arrive and he spotted a very nice dark blue corset that had just been unpacked “that looks absolutely fantastic, how much for me?” Paul asked Lisa not really concerned at how much it was since he could already see it hanging in the wardrobe at home.

Lisa measured under his chest and waist then found a corset that would fit properly, “slip off all your gear and I will help you put this on” Lisa told Paul rather than ask him, he had stopped being shy with her after the first time she saw him wearing the pants and was already stripping off. Lisa held the strings in place as she pulled each set tighter, top to middle then bottom to middle, Paul held his breath and then had to take small gasps of air until he settled down. The second tightening caused more pain and less air but the impact was stunning, the mirror did not lie about the hourglass shape that was being formed. Paul had brought with him the high quality breast forms that he had just ordered from a web store, size 5/6 or C cup, they sat on his hairless chest resting in the corset cups like precious jewels enclosed in silk and lace. The garter straps hung down his legs just waiting to be connected, Paul grabbed a pair of fine denier dark blue stockings and rolled them up his legs, then fed the straps under his silk pants and clipped them onto the stockings. Standing in the dressing room was the body of a well dressed woman as long as the face was covered, there was no appearance of hair or excess fat on the body and even the bump looked well hidden.

“Would you like to wear it home or do I put it into a bag for you?” said Lisa snapping Paul out of the spell binding image in the mirror. “I think we both know the answer to that one Lisa” Paul said as he turned around looking at the image again. The ride home was agonizingly slow for Paul, the traffic just crawled for some reason stopping him from getting home quicker. Unlocking the unit the first thing he did was pull off his track suit and sneakers then put on a pair of heels, the image had made it all the way home without changing except the posture was better with 3inches of heel causing the body to distort slightly. Any thought of dinner had vanished and Paul opened the wardrobe and selected the skirt he had purchased from Renee recently and put on a white silk blouse.

The corset made everything fit just so much better even if breathing was still difficult, the girl in the mirror was starting to look thinner and would need some padding at this rate. Paul applied a light coat of makeup and lipstick then went out into the lounge room, the curtains still open allowing Paul to see out to the river and city lights. He wanted to go out for a walk but could only bring himself to sit on the patio and drink his tea while feeling the restriction of the corset pressing into his ribcage.

The sun had set long ago and the moon was shining over the river casting light down the bicycle path that he rode on for exercise. Just as he was about to walk inside he changed his mind and opened the back gate and walked down to the river's edge looking around as he went, the click of heels on the cement path sounded like gunshots to Paul’s ears, he could imagine everyone in the district hearing the noise knowing that a man in a dress was out walking. Being outside the safety of the unit was a major step for Paul and one that he had not planned for at least another few months when the body had finished changing and hair was long enough to not require a wig. Paul stayed up reading and enjoying the feelings that flowed through his body longing for the time when this would be the norm rather than the exception. That weekend Paul asked Jill to pierce the ears again and this time to insert small diamond studs higher up the lobe, with the gold hoops they looked just so sexy.

 

A surprise from the legal system, the first meeting of Kerry and the Ex.
A change of viewpoint and Kerry keeps emerging.

Enjoy!

The hormones kept working and so did the salon to make the girl Paul wanted to see again. Electrolysis was expensive and had a side effect that lasted for several days so could not be done on visible areas during normal working periods. A hospital in Mt Lawley offered tracheal shaving as elective surgery and could be done over a long weekend so after lodging the divorce papers Paul scheduled day surgery for a Friday of a 3 day weekend. The operation would also make some adjustment to the voice box and raise the voice pitch at the same time for under three grand. On the day of the surgery Paul was both nervous and very excited and as he went under general anesthetic his prayer was that he would wake up and still have a voice, only higher pitched. Swallowing for the next few days was hard but by Tuesday the pain had gone and so had most of the redness that he blamed on sunburn when he went back to work on the Tuesday.

The court had appointed a mediator to help the divorce negotiations but Paul and Janet had decided on some very basic things, the company would stay in place as it gave the best long term security for both Janet and Paul. The household goods had already been split evenly, Janet took the newer car and Paul the older one and a small credit card debt. The yacht had already been sold and used to offset the loans and credit card debts, it was meant to bring Joy but had missed the mark badly. The mediator was happy that everything would be amicable as it reduced the stress on everyone and made less paperwork, the divorce would be easy to process and only take a few extra months given the separation time. The kids had been supportive of both parents and said that they wanted to try and understand what Paul was going through even if they had ideas that were based more on the media image than reality. Occasionally they would meet Paul for coffee or lunch during the week but agreed that they would only visit his flat on invitation to give him privacy. Emails and internet messenger worked well for two of them and long phone calls for the other but slowly they saw the changes and knew that their father was vanishing before their eyes.

Andrew called a few weeks later on and asked Paul to come into the office for some paperwork, “is this going to be more money?” asked Paul with his typical whit. Andrew told him to just come in and not to worry; it would be mostly good news and arranged to meet Paul the next day around mid afternoon. Paul went home after the morning and changed into a far more casual look than he would normally use to visit the lawyers office. Andrew had not seen Paul since before the split as most of their conversations took place over the phone, Andrew had to come to terms with some very obvious changes in Paul that now presented such as far less weight, longer hair, gentler facial features, longer nails with what Andrew thought was a hint of light pink nail polish and very light coat of lipstick. These were just two things that Paul had adopted to increase a feeling of femininity, he loved the feeling of lipstick as he worked or sat reading at home. Although Andrew had known about Kerry from his brief about the dismissal it still came as a shock to see the changes.

As Paul sat listening to Andrew he heard about the sudden change in situation, Andrew had made an appointment with the lawyers for the directors and had outlined the marriage split and that the claim for damages would be increased in line with the split. The result was an out of court settlement by the insurance company under the Directors and Officers section; incidentally it was put in place by Paul prior to being sacked. The directors had accepted liability for wrongful dismissal and not following due process while the insurers agreed to half of the limit of the policy instead of a court case. Andrew put a document in front of Paul for him to read and then sign, a Notice of Release, to be signed by both parties. It contained the usual disclaimers and accepting of no further rights or claims that were standard in legal proceedings. The fine print included the settlement amount of $1m as final and total settlement.

Paul froze as he read the fine print and had to ask Andrew if he was joking about the amount, he had no thoughts of money when he started the process. The Directors had taken advice and with the help of the insurers agent it was seen that the case could cause a much higher figure if they pursued action against Paul. The money would be released within 28 days into the lawyers trust account, his costs would be deducted but still around $950,000 would be passed onto Paul. It didn’t take more than a second for Paul to ask for the money to be split to both of them although Andrew advised that the money was legally only Paul’s as Janet had no claim on it as the claim was in his name only.

Leaving the lawyers he speed dialed Janet’s mobile, she would be nearly home and he wanted to tell her about the settlement. Paul asked if he could come around as he had some special news, Janet now preferred a neutral place for coffee where she could walk away if she felt like it, so it was down to the port and cappuccino strip. As Paul walked up to the café Janet could see Paul and she couldn’t help but see some of the changes over the last eight months, the hips, the waist, the way he walked and the hair was now shoulder length and most definitely an unusual cut. He stepped up to the table and pulled out the chair to sit on at the table, she noticed the length of his light pink nails and the piercing in both ears, her husband was changing and only now had she really noticed it.

They both ordered coffees and Janet ordered cake with Paul declining saying that he didn’t feel hungry, actually he was close to goal weight and was looking forward to fitting into a size 10 or lower. Paul told Janet about the lawyers work to finish the claim, the “Without Prejudice” acceptance of wrong doing and the dropping of the counter claim. Of course the fees had gone up to $50,000 but they had a result, Janet choked on her cake at the cost and was concerned about paying the bill. Paul didn’t leave her long, “they have settled out of court, do you want to know how much?” he asked Janet, “we never asked for money” replied Janet. Paul told her about Andrew’s work and the insurance policy he had put in place to cover such mistakes by the directors and the limit being $2m, he then told her that he had been given $1m minus the bills.

Janet was glad it was over and that the bill would not hurt her but she had no money and Paul had it all. “I have instructed Andrew to send you 400 grand when it arrives” he told Janet, she just sat there stunned. “Are you sure you want to do this after all it was you they hurt?” she asked but Paul had made up his mind and told her to stop arguing and just accept it when it arrived. The tension she felt lifted as she started thinking about the future and how to spend the money, a new unit, a new car and some for later. Paul had already done the planning and as they shared their plans they were identical, as always, Janet chose a lifestyle village near the beach and Paul thought about buying the river side unit in East Perth he rented, Janet wanted a new car with better fuel economy and Paul said he was thinking about a Mercedes SLK230 coupe 2 door for around $55k, well almost the same as Janet.

Janet asked Paul about the changes that were now very obvious, where was Paul heading and was he sure that it wouldn’t hurt his future, Paul had been prepared for this talk and had a point by point plan to share with Janet. “I am not sure how far I will go but I have decided that some of the time I want to live as Kerry” he told her. “I guessed that much when you walked out but how far will you go?” Paul started slowly and went back over the last few years and talked about not knowing where he sat in the TG spectrum, doubts and fears of being controlled by everyone’s preconceived ideas. “Ultimately I want to find out what it is like” he said “and I know that may hurt you.” Janet thought about the last few years and how much Paul had shared about his feelings and the confusion in his mind let alone the hurt of being sacked and loosing friends. She had to admit it was not her choice but it was now solely Paul’s choice to make and only he would take the pain if it went wrong. “I haven’t made a final decision about sex change surgery, yet” he said knowing that it was only partly true. Janet watched as Paul had flicked his hair and played with the earrings that she could now see clearly, the hand movements were more like a woman and then the bumps in his shirt became obvious to her. She just looked at him and knew that he had made up his mind and sooner or later Kerry would be out and about. “When can I meet Kerry, it’s about time I saw what she looks like?” she asked Paul. “I hadn’t expected that, would you like to come for dinner on Saturday?” he replied trying to gather his thoughts.

The meeting finished shortly after they chose a time for dinner and Paul walked back to his car wondering what to wear for his coming out to Janet. Paul rang Jill at the salon on the next day and asked about a special session after work on Thursday and could they do his nails as well. Paul told Bill that he would be working from home on Friday but it was so he could get ready for Saturday. Thursday night came around quickly and Paul raced home straight after work, showered, shaved, changed hair style and fitted the breast forms into the bra cups, a modest amount of makeup to just hide the male features then some nice lipstick. A pair of tight jeans and a thin sweater that covered the bra straps, she put on a pair of knee hi’s and heels to complete the look. Kerry put on her necklace, some rings and a watch then picked up her keys, this would be the second time out but one that had been prepared over the last seven months. The salon was always empty by the time Kerry got there so the only concern would be the owners reaction to Kerry being there instead of Paul. Driving in heels was no problem and one she had done several times in the country or late at night, the drive was only a few minutes and Kerry could have walked the distance in just over fifteen minutes but the car was safer.

Kerry parked the car near the front door and could see Jill inside just tidying up after the last client had left. She waited trying to calm her nerves before opening the door of her car, she walked up to the salon and entered as Jill came out from the back room, “sorry, we are closed tonight but I can make an appointment for tomorrow if you wish” she told Kerry. “Jill, I have an appointment for tonight check your book for Paul” Kerry told Jill with a smile on her face and a stunned look on Jill’s face. “About time I saw the real you” she replied after hugging Kerry “it has been a long time coming hasn’t it” as Jill turned the lock on the door and put out the external light and sign. Jill tossed Kerry’s hair around and ran her fingers through it while she thought about how she could help Kerry become clearer. “What about a hint of colour or do you still have to be plain old Paul at work?” she asked “just a small hint would be fine but don’t make it too bold, I don’t want to come out too much just yet.” Jill had a quick look at the booking and saw that nails had been circled as an optional extra, “let me just make a phone call before we start” Jill said. As Kerry had her hair washed and Jill started to trim the hair into a more ladylike style the front door opened and in walked one of the other workers. “This is Karen, she does the nails and some extras that I know you will love” Jill said introducing Karen to Kerry. “Jill made no mention of Paul and just let Karen get on with her preparation. The style Kerry had been working towards could be used by either Paul or Kerry depending on how it was blown dry or combed but real nails would be much harder to hide and so would thinner eyebrows.

Jill finished cutting the hair and applying the dye as Karen moved to her table and asked Kerry what shape she wanted for her nails. As the hair dye was working, Karen filed Kerry’s fingernails into the shape Kerry had asked for, buffed them and prepared for the nail polish. Acrylic’s would have been great but not just for a weekend. Jill washed out the dye and then used the blow dryer to shape the hair into the style Kerry had chosen. Karen finished the nails and applied three full coats of colour and enamel cover, “they should last for at least a week as long as you aren’t a mechanic” she laughed. Jill nearly choked at the comment but Kerry simply replied that she was into computers and hoped the keyboard was gentle on her.

When Karen finished the nails Jill suggested that a bit of makeup work would be good for Kerry to go with the new hairstyle and nails. Jill wheeled out a trolley with a huge makeup kit on it and a magnifying mirror, “let me just trim those eye brows for you and thin them out a little” suggested Jill knowing that little adjustments would be needed. Over the next half an hour Jill and Karen made small changes and applied a subtle makeover that made her eyes stand out and complimented the new hair colouring.

They didn’t let Kerry see her face until they finished but when they were both happy Jill turned the chair so that Kerry could see the mirror. The small changes made major impact on her mind and emotions, she wanted to cry but knew it would mess up the makeup, she wanted to sit there and take it all in. Karen could sense that something was happening within this girl but had no idea why a simple makeover would make a girl get so close to crying.

When Karen had packed up and left it was just Kerry and Jill standing there, “would you like to go for a drink and a chat” asked Jill. Kerry was still looking at herself in the mirror with thoughts running through her head about Sydney, the future, the past, how good she looked, “sorry I was deep in dream world, what did you say?” Jill asked again and assured Kerry that she looked good enough to go outside into public. Jill closed the shop and offered to drive if Kerry wanted to leave her car at the shop, so they headed off to South Perth for coffee.

Kerry sat in the car and tried to make the adjustments to her mind, the body was changing in small amounts but suddenly the hair and face had made major changes. Jill pulled up and parked the car near the foreshore and a café that was still open, there were a number of outside tables overlooking the water towards the city lights on the other side. Jill had already gone and paid for the parking ticket and was placing it on her car as Kerry was still slowly climbing out of her side trying very hard to remember the correct posture, trying to come to terms with who she was and get the nerves under control. Jill took her by the arm and half led her and half dragged her into the café as they chose a seat facing the window and waited for the waiter. Kerry was nervous as this was a major step for her, out as the girl she wanted to be but who could tell that she was really a guy. Jill ordered a bottle of wine and some Turkish bread and dip since she was ready for dinner while Kerry drank the first glass in record time, a sure signs of nerves. Jill suggested that some real food would be good while they talked.

Jill looked at Kerry and saw her looking all around the café checking out the patrons and understood her concern. “How often do you get out in public as Kerry?” she asked, “this is my second time out fully dressed, why?” “Relax, they are more concerned in their food and wine than playing spot the man in a dress, anyway you look fantastic and even Karen couldn’t tell.” Kerry leaned towards her and quietly said “what they see and what I feel may be the same but inside I still have the fear of being laughed at.” As they sat there for a good hour Kerry told Jill about the journey, Jill asked questions and assured Kerry that she looked good. Out of the corner of her eye she watched a couple of business guys who kept looking over at them but mainly at Kerry. Jill would become a good sounding board over the next year and they would have many Thursday evening meals together after work.

Jill dropped her off at her car with a hug and cheek kiss, “you were fine tonight and no one was laughing at you or even noticed any difference” Jill said as she closed the car door and drove off. Kerry started to drive home but changed her mind instead she decided to head back to the riverfront for a walk along the foreshore and time to think. She parked the car in a 15 minute spot that wouldn’t require a ticket and looked up and down the foreshore for people. After a few minutes of checking and rechecking she stepped out of the car and closed the door, stepping onto the pavement made the classic noise that she loved.

The moon was out and the sea breeze had vanished, a perfect night for a walk along the riverfront and Kerry did walk for nearly an hour, stopping regularly to enjoy the view or check for people. The tour boats and river ferries had stopped for the night, the cafes had closed by the time she got back to her car with her confidence and peace of mind greatly improved. She had come to a new point in her understanding of whom she was and where she was going. Kerry drove home just a bit lighter and less troubled than before, and all due to a change of hair style and a coat of paint as Paul would have said if he was still around.

That night she left the makeup on and slept in her bra and nightie almost as a sign of coming out at last but she also wanted to hold onto the feelings. This was not like the time in Sydney where there was no choice of not going back, this was her decision to continue with life as Kerry, it was probably this day that made the final decision easier for her, going back was not a thing she wanted. She slept well but had major cleaning to do the next morning what with Panda Eye’s and makeup all over the pillowcase.

Friday was a day to clean the house and prepare for Janet’s visit on Saturday evening, she also called Jill and thanked her for all her help the night before and could she do a quick makeup job last thing on Saturday afternoon. Kerry did the house work, then made a bold decision to go shopping at a small local supermarket so she replicated the outfit and look of last night. She chose flat heeled shoes rather than high heels, being five ten drew enough attention for a girl, let alone a guy with boobs. The shopping centre was not crowded at midday as she expected so made a straight line for the trolleys and started shopping, the canned food and household bits were easy to get. Kerry took longer to choose some extras from the makeup area selecting some of the things she saw Karen use last night. All the time she checked out the other shoppers who simply ignored her, if they did look they just smiled and kept going, too busy to care less.

After going through the checkout and paying cash she returned to the car and put the bags in the boot then decided to go shopping for real. Up until this point her shopping had been mainly on line except for the Renee’s home and Lisa’s lingerie shop. Kerry carried her shoulder bag containing her wallet and keys as well as her phone which rang while she was standing in the mall centre, she looked at the name on the display, it was one of her clients and they would keep her talking for quite a while so she let it go to message bank.

Kerry walked around looking in windows before settling on a shop with some very pretty clothes and accessories, the salesperson was middle aged and looked quite friendly. The clothes were more her age and as she browsed the salesperson came over and made suitable comments and questions as to colour and style that Kerry liked. The red dress with mid length sleeves would be about four inches above her knees and with a black belt could be added to black shoes and bag. Kerry was use to having Renee choose her size and it always fitted due to local quality control and consistent sizing so Kerry was prepared to just buy it but the saleswoman suggested that she should try it on as sizes varied between suppliers.

Kerry quickly looked at the change rooms, doors not curtains, “OK but I have to be quick” she said. As she entered the cubicle she locked the door and took a deep breath before shedding her sweater and jeans, luckily she had put on pantyhose rather than those horrible knee highs that Paul always teased Janet about but even Kerry had found them to be useful with jeans and sandals. The dress fitted well and at just under $50 it was an easy purchase decision, “is everything OK dear?” asked the salesperson, “fine thanks, I think I need a jacket or something to go with this though” Kerry told her. “Leave it on and come out I think I have a wrap that will match as well” called out the woman as she headed back into the shop front. Kerry pushed herself out of the cubicle in her stocking feet and walked into the shop area, “this will help if it gets chilly at night” she said handing a long sleeved black semi see through wrap that tied under the bust. After another few minutes Kerry had bought the dress and wrap, a new handbag and a chunky red and black bead necklace. This time she used her EFTPOS/Debit card and made sure she held the card so the salesperson couldn’t see the name on it.

Leaving the shop she tried to forget about the cost, after all she had just been told about her windfall of nearly a million dollars. She found herself swinging her bags and hips as she strolled around the centre starting to relax at last. Kerry had not planned to shop but the afternoon went very quickly as she enjoyed shoe shopping, 3 pairs, boots, black high heels and a pair of white kitten heels. Another shop with t-shirt tops, tank tops and woolen tops to make use of the layered affect that was becoming so popular. The jean shop had specials on and suddenly the girl knew all about retail therapy and how good it felt.

Kerry selected a pair of boot cut jeans and a jacket to match, heading for the change rooms she was shocked by finding curtains instead of doors but she was committed to shopping and entered the cubicle. Kerry dropped her old jeans and put on the new ones and the jacket, stepping into the common area to use the full length mirror. “They would look good with boots” said one of the other customers and Kerry remembered the pair she had just bought, “thanks, I just got some” she replied turning for her shopping bag. As she sat there and put on the boots there was not a hint of Paul anywhere in sight, in fact he had been missing since last night. Kerry looked at the image in the mirror and had to agree she was nothing like the 120kg photo in the hallway back at home, she had lost over 55kg and had toned up with daily bike rides or the treadmill.

After two hours Kerry stopped for a drink and went through her shopping bags as she sat in the mall enjoying the time, there was something missing she thought. Looking at the mall and the long line of shop signs hanging down she scanned each of them looking for clues, she had shoes, a skirt, jeans, tops, bags, jewelry and even most of her makeup needs. Lingerie and hosiery had never been a problem unless you count the over flowing drawer problem. She sat there drinking her iced tea and picked at the sandwiches trying to find the missing link, what was it that was so obviously missing but so hard to see. Kerry finished and left the food mall and returned to browsing the shops which were becoming busier as school was out.

The shop that caught her attention was at the end of the mall near the entrance doors, it contained small articles for the home, she looked around and found a statue of a girl and boy in matching outfits holding hands. It was at that time she knew what was missing, Janet was missing from her life and the loss was sudden and caused her to leave the shop quickly and head for the safety of her car. The tears flowed freely as she sat there trying to stop them, the thought of hurting Janet and the kids, the thought of spending years alone, more tears flowed. It was a good twenty minutes before Kerry thought she could drive safely but looking in the mirror the look was far from good, the eye liner and mascara had run and her entire face needed fixing. She had purchased some facial cleaning clothes in her shopping so stepped out of the car and opened the boot. A few minutes later and the face was at least clean although the red eyes and plain look would have been slightly scary to any young kids.

Arriving home she unloaded the car and put away the shopping, her meat and veg shopping were always Saturday morning events. The clothes and shoes lay on her bed but the sadness made her leave them there and she went to the office to check her email trying to distract her from facing the pain. The sadness flowed again as she read an email from Janet thanking her for the offer of the money but that she would rather have her husband back than any amount of money. She talked about her feelings of loss and the concern at life without anyone to share it with but it was obviously something they both needed to talk through. Janet would even consider allowing some Kerry Time if that would make it better. By now the thought of some Kerry Time and some Paul time was not on the table, it was heading towards “No Paul Time”. The offer of dinner was suddenly becoming a bad choice and Kerry felt the stress rising inside her head, remembering the confusion of the last two years made her more resolved.

Kerry closed the lid of the laptop and went back into the kitchen to make a cuppa, work could wait until Monday but the clothes should be hung up and put away. She stood in the bedroom in just her bra, pants and pantyhose looking at all of the clothes on the bed deciding which ones to try on first. The denim skirt and t-shirt and tank top with the kitten heels looked good but not the thing for her introduction to Janet. The jeans and blouses would all work, the boots made a great casual look, in the end Kerry chose the jeans and white sandals with a thin light blue sweater that had a low cut neckline, she had bought it on e-Bay and a necklace of dark blue stones and gold wrist bands.

The phone rang as she stood there and it was Janet asking about the email, she was concerned that it would be seen as manipulation and didn’t want to hurt Paul. They talked for several minutes until Paul said “look, why don’t you come over now, I’ll throw something together and we can talk about it.” Janet asked if Kerry was offering or Paul as she needed to talk to both, “Kerry will be here and you can meet her, but Paul is always present, so just come over.” Janet hung up after saying she would be about an hour. Kerry looked in the mirror and headed for the bathroom.

A quick shower followed by new makeup and the new clothes and blow dry the hair into the new style that Jill had designed. She had just finished putting on her rings and necklace when the door bell sounded, no time for getting nervous it had taken years for Janet to get to this point and Kerry was the best she had ever been. Kerry opened the door and held out her hand to introduce herself to Janet, “hello Janet my name is Kerry I’m glad we finally get to meet.”

Although Janet had seen some of the changes they seemed to have escalated in the last three days as she silently shook her hand and stepped inside, Kerry took the bottle of wine that Janet was holding tightly and led her into the lounge room before closing the front door. Janet could see an attractive woman dressed in smart and very modern clothes that made her look about late thirties rather than the fifty she was. As Janet checked out Kerry’s clothes and makeup she saw the colour hi-lights in her hair “you can’t say that you don’t dye your hair anymore can you?” Janet said nervously, Kerry flicked her hair and asked “do you like the colour then or should I get it lighter?”

Janet was just a little shocked at how good Kerry looked; she still had images of drag queens and scantily dressed dancers in the pride parade. Janet noticed that the boobs were not size FF or pointed like darts but very well balanced with Kerry’s figure which was surprisingly narrow around the waist. The cleavage created by the breast forms and careful shading with makeup looked very real and she had to remind herself that Paul had next to nothing a few days ago.

Janet had never been to Paul’s place before and was quite impressed that everything was so neat and tidy, but it was the river views that drew her to the window as Kerry poured a glass of wine for her. When Janet turned around she saw the old photo on the wall, the whole family but with Paul as 120kg and standing directly in front of her was a very well trimmed, confident and much younger looking woman wearing some very nice clothes. Sensing what Janet was thinking Kerry jokingly said “I didn’t want to scare you off by wearing my leathers and whips” then seeing a blank look on her face added “that’s a joke Joyce.” Janet had missed it but caught up and started to laugh, “I’ve missed your sense of humor and jokes these last months.”

Kerry showed Janet around the unit and the garden that she was beginning to get into shape. The treadmill was sitting under the verandah looking towards the river and Janet slipped off her shoes and turned it on, “I need to buy one of these” she told Kerry. “You always said that but never got around to buying one, it really helped me tone up’ Kerry said slapping her backside. “Okay I hear what you are saying just don’t rub it in” Janet gasped as the treadmill was getting faster “that’s enough for me” she said turning it off.

Moving back inside the unit Janet went into Kerry’s bedroom and saw all of the clothes spread over the bed, “I thought you were always tidy, what’s this?” she asked Kerry. “I went food shopping and couldn’t help but buy some things for myself, what do you think?” Kerry asked Janet. Janet had already picked up some of the clothes and held them up to her body, Janet didn’t need to know that she had no chance of fitting into them. “Very nice, you should take me shopping again some time,” “I would love to do that with you again as long as I can also buy things for myself” said Kerry. This was one thing missing from her life, a shopping buddy that she could go out with and spend money especially now that she had a decent amount of it. “Whenever you are ready just call me” suggested Kerry, hoping that Janet would not take too long to do it but needed her to make the step not Kerry.

Janet took a drink from her glass and looked into the wardrobe, more than half of the clothes were Kerry’s and Paul had only a few basic work things, trousers, shirts and one pair of shoes and sneakers. Kerry had skirts, dresses, slacks, six pairs of shoes, jeans, sweaters, all in bright colours and neatly arranged in order. A pile of tops sat on the shelf and Janet would have been very happy to own any of them, her own wardrobe had gone down hill since the separation. One thing she never saw was a single item of her own clothing, she had assumed that Paul had taken some of it when he left but Paul had made a determined effort to take nothing but his own stuff even though it was tempting he knew that he had to do it.

Kerry looked into the fridge and saw that there was nothing suitable to eat as fresh meat and veg came on Saturday and today was Friday night. “What about I take you out somewhere?’ she asked Janet, slightly shocked at suggesting that she go out dressed like this but after the shopping trip she felt good about being seen. “Are you OK going out like that…” Janet started to say “sorry I didn’t mean to sound like I was putting you down, actually even I am having trouble recognizing you and I’ve slept with you for thirty years.” Kerry looked at Janet, who was tired and hurting and trying very hard to keep it civilized with Paul. “You need to have a night out, lets go” Kerry said grabbing her hand bag and keys “come on my shout, I think I can afford it.”

Janet slipped into her place in the Subaru where she had ridden many times as if nothing had changed except for the woman sitting next to her. The feelings raced through her head as Kerry chose a restaurant and dialed ahead to confirm a booking, it was one of her favorites due to the water front and small intimate tables for two, or one in her case. The drive was fairly short and Janet just sat there trying to get it together in her mind, she loved Paul but also found Kerry very easy to like, it was Paul but in a different form and that messed with her head. To love a woman was wrong but his was her husband, but she looked different, Janet was beginning to see the same conflict Paul and Kerry had gone through. Can you love a person despite their appearance? Of course you can, do you love the person or the look, what about their nature and values, their sense of living and loving life. It wasn’t quite the penny dropping but something happened.

The waiter showed them both to an outside table and a menu brought over for each of them, they each chose and a glass of wine for Janet. Dinner was pleasant and over coffees they talked about work, and the kids, how they thought they would spend their portions of the money. “I bet you’ll buy hundreds of clothes and shoes” laughed Janet “then have to buy a larger house.” “And you’ll probably keep it all in the bank and not enjoy it” shot back Kerry with a laugh, just to hide the truth in what she had said. Janet had actually thought about that as being security for the future despite having two homes as investment and a decent super scheme. “Do you need to talk about the email?” Kerry asked Janet, “I thought I did but after seeing you I am more confused about what I want let alone what you need.” “Just start at the beginning and take it slowly” suggested Kerry letting Janet define her concerns and feelings rather than presuming she knew them, Kerry had learnt some things during her counseling sessions.

Janet talked about the loneliness and fear of a future without anyone, the hurt that came up each time she saw a program on TV about deception, or just sitting at home wondering how Paul was going. Kerry told Janet about shopping today and missing her, the figurines in the shop and twenty minutes of tears in the car. “I now know about crying with makeup on” she joked, “not a very sexy look is it”, “you need to get waterproof makeup if you intend on crying a lot” said Janet trying to laugh but she could see that Kerry was hiding some of the same feelings as she was. “Is there any chance for Paul and Janet?” asked Janet half knowing the answer was going to be no, “or is there a chance for Janet and Kerry to be friends?” Kerry had one other option but thought that Janet would freak out at it, she decided to go for broke as she was learning to speak her mind rather than keep silent.

“Paul probably won’t exist in a year’s time, in fact I haven’t seen him all day” Kerry stated, making a statement that as some would say is stating the bleeding obvious. “We could be more than friends but that may be too hard for you to think about right now”, Janet wanted to know what Kerry thought that would look like, she loved Paul and missed him being around but Kerry was so like him when she closed her eyes. The love was still there but the ground rules had changed, the conflict in beliefs and society acceptance, the kids, the church. All these things made it very difficult to handle, but it was an option just not yet.

Kerry paid the bill and drove home along the river foreshore, she knew Janet would enjoy it, “Why don’t you stay overnight I have a spare bed if you want, no sex expected or offered.” Janet wanted desperately to take Paul in her arms but couldn’t find him anywhere in the unit, she decided to accept the offer to stay overnight, going home would be too hard. Janet offered to make a hot chocolate drink but Kerry informed her that she never bought anything like that as it added on the weight. Janet wanted to sit in bed and talk but knew that was not proper, however after laying out a bed for Janet Kerry said she could come and sit in her bed for a while and finish the glass of wine she had started three hours earlier. They sat there Kerry on the right hand side and Janet on the left hand side, just like a year ago, just like the last thirty years and everything seemed normal, just one of the bodies had changed significantly. Kerry had given Janet one of her nighties to wear so both girls sat up in bed dressed very much alike.

They didn’t talk much and Janet wanted to slide down next to Kerry for a hug, she asked if she could have a cuddle, “go on then I guess you need one” replied Kerry sliding into the bed. The next morning they woke to the sound of lawn mowing it was nearly nine o’clock and Janet had not slept that much for nearly twelve months. Janet reached over and kissed Kerry gently on the cheek, “my turn to make breakfast, what do you eat nowadays?” asked Janet. While Janet prepared breakfast, Kerry had a quick shower and shave and redid her basic makeup, getting back into bed as the tray was carried into the bedroom.

Janet had made boiled eggs and found some frozen bread in the freezer so a couple of slices of toast sat on a plate, Kerry had her yoghurt, no juice or milk, just black tea. They both sat there like two school kids that had done something wrong and neither wanted to talk about it. “We only slept together, nothing else happened” said Janet “anyway we are still technically married for the next few months at least.” Kerry looked at her seeing that the last comment was aimed at her.

“Is this what your option would look like” asked Janet trying to continue the conversation from the night before. “I am not sure, it would have to have some fun in it as well otherwise you would get grumpy” Kerry joked.

Since leaving Janet the whole question of sex had been a non-issue, adultery was not on and dating men was definitely not a choice but now she had made her mind up about where she was going just not who she would take with her on the journey. “I think it could look like this, but it would have to be your choice” continued Kerry “what would you be happy and comfortable with?” Janet had too many questions in her own mind and said so asking if they could talk again over the months ahead.

Janet went for a shower as Kerry cleaned away the dishes and tidied up the kitchen, she needed to do the shopping before the good stuff was all gone, the local growers market had organic vegetables that she had taken a liking to. The butcher also made some very lean packs that she found suitable for making just one meal freezer lots out of. Janet came out in one of Kerry’s toweling bath coats while drying her hair, “I love the feel of this robe” she said. “Be nice to me and I’ll buy you one for Christmas” joked Kerry but at the same time was hoping that they could get back to having a better relationship than the last year of tension and anger.

“I have to do some shopping for food, do you want to come with me or are you going home?” asked Kerry, “who’s going Kerry or Paul?” replied Janet. “If you will help me get ready, it will be Kerry” said Kerry, “I don’t think I can teach you anything after last night” replied Janet but feeling pleased to be asked. Kerry went to the bedroom and opened the wardrobe to select her shopping clothes, the weather was fine so anything would be acceptable, Janet came into the bedroom to watch her. Kerry chose an off-white peasant skirt with handkerchief cut, a pale yellow t-shirt and white tank top and a broad brown belt with brown and yellow necklace. She sat down at the makeup table and applied a layer of foundation and cover to hide any hair growth for the rest of the day. Mascara and eyeliner made her eyes stand out so a light brush with the blusher just gave her some colouring to the cheeks. Kerry put on several bracelets and rings, she chose a lipstick that matched her new nails and used a pencil to outline the shape she wanted before applying the main colour and finished with a glossy coat for that wet look that was fashionable.

Janet watched all of this and felt very intimidated by the girl that looked back from the mirror, “you make me look so dowdy” she told Kerry. “Okay, sit down and do exactly as I say, school is in” commanded Kerry making Janet sit in front of the lighted mirror.

Starting with foundation she told her to cover her entire face, “no you have to do everywhere” she snapped at Janet and then dusted her face with powder. Then she talked about her eyes and how they could be made to sparkle, eyeliner that gave an impression of larger eyes and shadow that lifted the surrounding area. Kerry made Janet go over some areas twice as Janet’s natural choice was for less of everything, the mascara was a good example, Janet never used it but Kerry made her do it three times until they stood out clearly. Kerry chose a lipstick to match her nails then changed her mind, you need to have your nails done again let me do them for you.

Kerry cleaned the nails, pushed back the quick and buffed them to a nice finish before applying a base coat of clear polish. Janet was amazed at the things that Kerry was able to do that she had never seen while living with Paul, Kerry finished off with two coats of a deep plum colour and then handed Janet a lipstick to match. While Janet applied her lippy Kerry reached into the back of the wardrobe where her older and bigger clothes hung and removed a blouse for Janet, it wouldn’t fit Kerry anymore but it would just fit Janet if she rolled the cuffs up slightly. “Now do the lipstick again in a darker shade” Kerry told Janet as she handed her a second tube, “now apply some of this to make them wet.” As Janet looked at her face in the mirror she had to admit it made her look younger and less stressed, a brighter face with stunning eyes that held your attention.

Janet had only come around for a chat and had not intended to go out eating or shopping so Kerry handed her some clothes and told her to get dressed. Janet was horrified to think that she would fit into Kerry’s clothes but looking at Kerry she suddenly had the thought that she may not fit into them, Kerry had lost so much weight. The blouse looked good on Janet and the skirt made her look thinner but it was the eyes that held her attention.

“Sorry I don’t have any seamed stockings that are your size but we are only going food shopping not man shopping” joked Kerry but Janet realized that she may not be joking one day. Kerry picked a bag for Janet and one for herself, “get your tissues and purse and lets go shopping girl” said Kerry with a hint of cheekiness that Janet found funny as Paul was always very straight laced. Kerry picked up her canvas environmentally friendly shopping bags and headed out to the car, Janet was caught on the hop and had to scoot to catch up. They locked the doors and got into the car, the garage had remote doors to allow Kerry to come and go in the car as she pleased, this was an important item when she chose the unit. Janet sat in the front passengers seat again and let Kerry drive, again it seemed very natural to be there and let Kerry drive.

The local growers market was close but the parking meant a short walk past shops and cafes, the hair salon and the local wine store, “just got to cancel an appointment for today” said Kerry stepping into the salon. Jill saw her come in and went to meet her, “Hi Jill, Janet has dropped in and needs some help, is it alright if I cancel the appointment?’ she asked quietly. “No problems, anyway looking at your face you don’t need me anymore” complimented Jill, “are you going out somewhere special?” Kerry told her about Janet’s feeling sad about the divorce and how she had needed to get out of the house and do something so Kerry had planned some food shopping and then a picnic near the river. “Enjoy yourself and we can catch up later, see ya luv” Jill said turning to see Janet’s face outside, Jill’s thoughts and Kerry’s were not in sync at this point but Jill would work on her. Kerry left the salon waving to Jill through the window, “she seems very friendly to you” enquired Janet suspecting that more was going on. “No, just the person that does my hair” replied Kerry not seeing what was obvious to Janet.

They walked around the market glancing at stalls, Kerry had one place that she liked and bought the vegetables and fruit filling two bags. The owner smiling at both women as he handed back the change and wished them a good day, “was he flirting with you” asked Janet, “I thought it was you he smiled at” said Kerry laughing at the thought of being picked up by a guy. The pair walked around arm in arm, blending in with the many people just doing their weekly grocery shopping. The butcher’s was packed so Kerry left Janet sitting at a coffee stall to order coffees while she lined up for her meat and chicken for the week. When she came back she found Janet talking to a guy that obviously knew her, “hello my name is Kerry” she said holding out a hand for him to shake as she sat down. He introduced himself as John and he worked with Janet and even blind Freddy could see that he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Janet blushed at John’s attention and tried to think of a way to get rid of him, she was still technically married to this person sitting at the table. “Are you joining us for coffee John or do you have someone with you?” asked Kerry intrigued at the thought of his wife having someone chasing her. John made noises about meeting another person before leaving them alone with their drinks and the cake Janet had ordered.

“You have been busy as well” offered Kerry at Janet’s bashful stare, “well I’m not getting any younger and the bed is getting cold as well” replied Janet to see what Kerry would do. They sat there watching the crowds and drank their coffee as each of them thought about the last few minutes, flirting and being chatted up, while your partner sat at the same table unable to say anything.

Kerry walked slowly past the wine store and then went in to choose a bottle of sweet red wine, “it’s something like dolce and bruschetta” said Kerry to the older guy at the counter. “I think I know what you mean” he said turning to get it from the storeroom, she thanked him and handed over twenty dollars noticing his eyes wondering to her chest. “Honey, my eyes are up here” she told him catching him in mid thought, the illusion of cleavage with careful shading and colouring meant it was hard to tell. He blushed at her and said something about seeing her next time she needed some help. It must have been a day for testosterone in the marketplace, what does a girl have to do to go out without being seen as meat for the hungry cats?

Janet walked along swinging the bag and naturally grabbed Kerry’s hand, Kerry just allowed it to stay there until Janet realized what it may look like. She suddenly pulled it away in shock more than anything else, she wasn’t gay or queer, it should have been Paul holding her hand not this woman next to her. They loaded the car in silence and Kerry flicked the remote to open the doors letting Janet escape inside. “That’s the problem with the third option isn’t it” said Janet, “I would not be comfortable with you dressed like that and me expressing my love for you in public.” Kerry and Janet drove back to the unit deep in thought about their options, if they had any.

Kerry unlocked the unit and took both bags inside “I was thinking of a picnic if you are up to it” she told Janet who had put her bag down on the bench. “Can we just talk for a while if you don’t mind” she asked trying to get her thoughts into some sought of order. “When the guy flirted with you I felt like slapping him, but when John spoke with me you seemed to just go with it, why” she said trying to find out what Kerry was thinking. Kerry started slowly “I didn’t see him flirting with me it just seemed like normal dialogue, it only dawned on me when you said something.” “Come on you got all flirty back and flicked your hair and wiggled your hips at him, what are they if not come on signals?”

Kerry had to think about the guy, did she really do that; a male was NOT her choice at this point in time yet something had changed in her mind. “I hadn’t realized that I was doing anything, honestly just being nice to him” said Kerry, “nice is one thing, saying come and get me is another” replied Janet. “What about John and your blushing, is he trying to get into your pants or are you giving him the same signals?” said Kerry with a hint of nastiness. They stopped and looked at each other, eight months apart and this was their first real conflict over their futures.

Janet walked out of the unit to get away from Kerry but also because she didn’t want to answer the question, she had gone on a date with John and found that she actually liked the attention and company from a man. Janet walked around the garden just trying to get her head around the things she had said in anger, she had been trying really hard not to get involved in any argument with Paul about Kerry or his decisions. It was not going to work she thought letting her mind go over the last 24 hours since sending the email, things had begun to happen already and she had no way of stopping them now. Inside, Kerry was still thinking about her reactions at the market, did she really flirt with the two guys or was it just getting into the mindset of being Kerry, what would she have done if either of them had asked her out? The fears and thrills all mixed together and make no sense at all, she was totally confused but excited at the same time.

Janet walked back inside, “I think it would be better for me to leave now, I knew this would not work for me” she said trying to stop herself from looking straight at Kerry’s eyes. She picked up her bits and promised to send the blouse and skirt back, she turned and opened the front door as Kerry reached her. “Look, I am sorry that I said those things and I didn’t understand what you were actually asking me” she told Janet. “I still need time to sort out where I am going and what it will look like and it may take far longer than I can ask you to wait” said Kerry.

Janet had hoped to see Kerry as a failure and that Paul would see the waste of time but after spending a few hours with her Janet knew that Kerry was not only alive but doing very well, even she could see herself getting on with Kerry. Janet left without making comment and Kerry shut the door and in some way a part of her life.

To be continued, soon....

Please let me know what you think, trust me I have had enough therapy to survive

In hindsight it may have been Kerry trying too hard to make Janet accept that she was really making a go of it but the victory was hollow. I guess that says it all, it was not intended to be a competition, it was just meant to be a friendly dinner together for Janet to meet Kerry, but Kerry was quite often in denial. She pushed through the emotions trying not to concentrate on the loss and defeat that Janet would have been feeling.

The next few weeks were made up of visits to the lawyers and settlement agents, the money would be through in a couple of days and Kerry had placed an offer to buy the unit she rented. She had decided to change her name by deed poll to Kerry Brown, it would upset her family but she felt that it was her choice to make and would help the legal process; it was only the first name she was changing and would keep the surname or family name. Paul had spoken with his boss about the change in name and told him that there was nothing happening although Bill could see the very obvious physical changes as Paul grew his hair longer, the pair of earrings had been subtle as the hair covered them. Bill had totally missed the Adam’s Apple surgery. Paul had started all of this with no intention of transitioning at work or at all, again he may have been in denial at the time.

One day Bill called Paul and asked if they could chat after work in a local café, Bill had something he needed to ask Paul about and didn’t want others to overhear it. Bill sat there very awkward and fidgeting with his mug of coffee, “come on Bill, what’s on your mind?” asked Paul half guessing the subject matter. “I know we have talked about your name change and as your employer I have nowhere to go with it so you can just tell me to butt out if you need to” Bill stated in a very legal manner.

Over the next two hours and two Lattes Paul told Bill all about his journey and also where it would be going, now that he had a better idea. The name change was going to be through the next week so Paul asked Bill to call him Kerry instead, “it may help you to see me as a different person from the Paul you have seen each week” suggested Paul.

“Okay Kerry” said Bill trying hard to follow, “from what you have told me I can only assume that you will want to, Transition is it, at work?” Bill had only followed some of the story but was quickly seeing problems at work and with clients that he would have to handle.

“Can I ask you when you want to do this and how you think we would manage the problems?” asked Bill hoping that Kerry had a better idea than he did. Kerry produced a sample letter she had downloaded from one of the web sites and handed it to Bill, “have you been expecting this talk” “something like that” replied Kerry. The letter outlined the basics of transgenderism and transitioning in the workplace, it spoke about discrimination but only in a positive way, it allowed for the personal story to be told by the person transitioning and recommended a review process.

“I have to live for 12 months as a woman before they will allow the surgery” said Kerry, “and that last step would only be if I decide to go through with everything.” Bill repeated his question about timing and Kerry knew that it was time to make the jump, it had to be now or never. “What about at the start of the new year, I can finish my current clients before Christmas and be ready for a new one after the break.” Bill thought about it and still had serious doubts about the impact on the revenue of the business.

“I need to be sure this will work” he told Kerry. “What about you taking me out for dinner tomorrow night?” Kerry said as Bill choked on his drink. “That’s what you are really asking isn’t it, do I pass or will you be embarrassed at me?” Bill could not speak so Kerry took over, “do you want to pick a place that you are comfortable with or shall I?’ she asked. “You had better choose the place, I will pay the tab” he replied hoping that it would not be too visible.”

Kerry worked from home the next day and sent Bill an email with time and location telling him not to keep a girl waiting and the booking was in his name. Kerry went to the salon and got her hair done by Jill and told her all the things that had gone down in the last month, Janet’s reaction to the flirting, her bosses questions and the dinner appointment for later on that night, she had made it for 8pm to allow Jill to fit her in. Kerry decided that shocking Bill was not a good plan so chose something very smart and business like, a modest length black skirt just above the knees, white blouse and jacket and a nice pair of earrings that swung but didn’t draw too much attention.

Kerry and Renee had spent a fair bit of time putting the outfit together as the “coming out at work” outfit, the black patent heels made her legs look so good with a nice pair of sheer stockings and underneath the small black bra was just visible as was her cleavage. Jill had put a brighter auburn tint in the highlights and it made a striking contrast to the black hair. Bill had already arrived and was sitting at the table nervously waiting for Kerry to arrive while he drank another scotch and water. Kerry walked into the restaurant and saw Bill sitting at the table in the corner that she had requested, she walked straight up to him before he realized it was Kerry. He stood up as she arrived, trying to take in what he could only see as a very confident younger looking woman with a very nice figure. “Are you going to help with my chair?” she cheekily asked him and before he could think he was helping her sit down at the table. Kerry signaled the waiter and asked for a glass of juice and a top up for Bill as he was too dumb struck to speak.

“Well what do you think, do I pass muster?” Kerry asked Bill knowing that his lack of speech confirmed what he was thinking. “I just hope my wife or her friends don’t see me here or I’ll be dead” Bill commented trying hard to get a resemblance of control into his mind. “How could I have not seen your body before, surely those aren’t real are they?” he said nodding to her chest. “Some of it is me but the rest is padding at the moment” Kerry told him noticing that his eyes had hardly moved from her chest area.

“Bill, look at me and not my chest please or I’ll tell your wife about it” Kerry jokingly said to him but was very happy to have the effect on him. Bill picked up the menu and looked at the list of food, but couldn’t quite focus on anything, “are you sure they are yours?” he asked again. “Bill, I have no intention on showing you so order or I go home” said Kerry knowing she was pushing the boundaries of employer and employee relationships but someone had to take control. The waiter took their orders and talked to Kerry as if she was a friend rather than a client, “do you come her often” asked Bill. “No, this is only the second time, I heard about it from a friend” Kerry told him, Bill was surprised at how people reacted to her and the natural way she disarmed them with her smile. Her voice was softer and made people listen to her, she had a certain pull that Bill could not sort out but found amazing.

Over the meal they continued to chat about work and what plans Kerry had for her future employment, she obviously had an ability to make people feel at ease but also to take control of a situation. Paul could be aggressive and uncertain and lacked the ability to get people on board at times, Kerry had no such problems. “Have you thought about sales?” asked Bill, thinking that she was very easy to get along with. “I used to do sales but found it very macho and hard to win over” Kerry said thinking about her times of clashing with males that needed to prove their dominance. The alpha male syndrome that a nice smile and good set of legs could destroy in one blink of a pretty eyelid, neither of which Paul had.

As dinner finished and Bill ordered coffees he asked her about moving the date up and her doing some work in the sales department, being technically adequate she would release him from some of the pre-sales cycle with clients. “What about the guys at work, how would they cope?” she asked, “I couldn’t drop the existing clients half way through the job could I?” “Let me figure that one out but I think you are being wasted as an implementer” said Bill hoping she would accept. Bill then took control “If you are certain about this move then let's make it sooner, is there any reason why you can’t do it?” he asked. Kerry thought of all the reasons why she should not do it but only one reason why she should, “Only if you think I can do it Bill” she told him. “I do need some time off for minor surgery but that would only take a couple of weeks and could be done within the month.” Bill agreed for Kerry to work for another two weeks then have the next two weeks off and then return to the new position at the same time as telling the team.

And so it was that Kerry found herself staring out of the window while sitting at her desk, she had been to Thailand and undertaken some minor facial work and a breast augmentation all paid for by the previous directors and their insurance policy. The hair removal had progressed well and the dreaded five o’clock shadow was now only noticeable around nine at night; she had also reached her goal weight of 63kg and could enjoy some alcohol for once.

Bill had allowed her to write out a letter for the staff and had arranged for a staff meeting on the first morning back at work, Kerry would be introduced and the staff given chance to ask questions. Bill had sent an email out to all staff members on Friday along with his own comments about the company’s policy of equal employment and how much he valued Paul’s work and had agreed to this happening after meeting with Kerry and working through the problems. Kerry read the email and made some notes for her talk the next day, she had healed well and her hair that was now styled totally in a feminine way hid the scars. Her eyebrows had been plucked and shaped much thinner than before and the soreness of her breasts had gone away leaving a nice set of breasts. Jill had changed Kerry's hair into more auburn and less black and had convinced Kerry to have acrylic nails fitted. She loved the new nails and spent all the next day tapping away at her keyboard making the noises she thought she would never make.

Monday morning came around quickly and she woke early so that she could take her time and relax before the staff meeting. Kerry did her hair and then her makeup making sure everything was business like, not quite like the evening out with Bill but very close. A pair of black slacks, white blouse and a black jacket and high-heeled shoes formed the basic look. Kerry added a pair of new glasses, rings and jewelry and some large gold earrings with little hearts in the middle of them and of course her Special K necklace. She was ready about half an hour before it was time to leave and opted to go for a walk along the riverfront to relax a little. The staff meeting had been going for nearly 30 minutes when Kerry walked into the reception area and waited for Bill to come out and meet her.

“They seem to be fairly open with the plan so far but are looking forward to seeing for themselves and asking questions. “Are you ready to do this?” asked Bill knowing that she would have been ready since early this morning, “I’ve been waiting for this for over thirty years Bill, let's do it” she told him and stepped towards the board room door. The entire room looked up as she entered, the guys not sure what to say, seeing a good looking woman but knowing that underneath it was Paul who they had worked with for the last 18 months. The women had a different mindset, if Kerry looked too good they would look bad.

Bill introduced Kerry and reminded them about the company policies before letting her speak, she looked around trying to gauge the mood of the room. Kerry started by telling her story about being gender confused and her search for identity, the pain of losing her job and the breakdown of her marriage. Kerry talked about her desire to transition while staying at the company and hoped that if anyone had questions they should feel free to ask her directly.

Bill finished the meeting and it was down to work for all of them, two of the girls grabbed their bags and headed for the toilets, they wanted to talk without being overheard by Kerry or the boss. As soon as they entered they started talking, “do you think they are real or just padding?” said Sue “and did you see her waist, I wish mine was that small.” They laughed and touched up their makeup as Kerry walked in, “sorry girls but I have to share this place with you, are you alright about it?” Kerry asked them. “I have had to work through it but I know that I can trust you” said Sue and Joanne just agreed, “we do have to ask though, are they real?” Kerry laughed and said “as real as five grand can make and as real as Pamela Anderson's” they both laughed and Sue said “welcome to the girls room then.”

Kerry had broken the first boundary, the girls room and had come out without any hiccups or having to show them the scars. “Did the surgery hurt very much because I was thinking of getting mine done?” asked Joanne, Kerry looked at her wondering why an attractive younger woman would want to make herself larger. “Jo, you are perfect you don’t need any more” Kerry told her, “No, I was thinking of getting them made smaller” she replied. Sue and Kerry told her to enjoy them while she could and that motherhood would make its own changes on them. The two women asked about the facial surgery as well since it was obvious Kerry had done something so Kerry played show and tell with the details and some scars. Another woman that worked in a different company on the same floor walked in and broke up the chatter as Bill had opted for only telling his company and none of the other tenants on the floor.

Back at her new desk in the sales area Kerry found a bunch of flowers from Bill with a simple note saying welcome to the company and wishing her well in the new job. Her business cards had been reprinted with her new name and email details, the email accounts had been routed to her new one but with a warning. The inbox had been cleaned and as Kerry sat there reading, an email arrived from one of the consultants in the next room. It started very formally, “I have to tell you that I had problems with the news….” He went on to talk about his own bias against gays and lesbians and how he had assumed that Kerry would fit into one of the categories. “I have listened to you today and seen the pain in your eyes today as you talked about it and know that underneath I can see the person you are.” The email finished with him apologizing for being judgmental and saying that he would try to be very careful not to judge her again.

Kerry wiped a tear away from her eyes as Bill walked past, “did you survive the girls room?’ he asked half smiling at her. “Yes, thank you and I am not telling what goes on in there you’ll have to make up your own stories” Kerry replied jokingly. The rest of the morning was just like starting a new job, reading procedures and memos about how to deal with clients, lists of prospects and the dreaded leads pipeline.

Before she noticed it was lunchtime when one of the girls stuck her head in and asked Kerry if she was ready to come out with them. Bill had suggested that they take Kerry out for lunch and gave them a booking at a local restaurant; it just happened to be the same one Kerry had chosen for their meeting a month earlier. The girls all piled into the Tarago that Sue drove, kids toys had to be thrown into the back and one of the seats looked more like a meal than a seat but all five of them fitted in. “Fancy Bill paying for us to go out for lunch” said Sue, “you must have said something real nice to him” she continued with emphasis on the word real. Kerry had no idea what they meant and tried to act dumb but underneath wondered if she had made one of those mind changes that she had done in the marketplace.

The girls ordered lunch and a couple of bottles of wine since Bill was paying and he had also given them as long as they needed. He had made the decision to help Kerry integrate quicker and hence help the company get back onto normal footings so work would not be affected. Kerry had to undergo several probing questions about what she had undergone and what was ahead of her. They wanted to know about dating and did she have anyone yet, they heard about the market place and totally understood how she would do that, even Paul tried to make them feel special without meaning anything. Mostly the girls just wanted to know about the details, the gossipy things of Kerry’s life that they solemnly promised NEVER to divulge. Kerry found out that “never” actually means “while you can still see me” and so by the end of the week she had no stories to tell since they all knew about her.

At Friday’s drinks Bill started a debrief of the week’s activities and each section made a short comment about their work. Kerry had been asked by Bill to say a few words as well, “I just want to thank you for being so good about everything this week and despite several requests I am not doing show and tell on my boob work.” The room chuckled and Kerry could see that the guys had also relaxed with her over the week, they had to keep thinking about what was still in her pants rather than getting into her pants, but that was their problem. Drinks went well past five and as they tidied up Bill asked Kerry if she had found any issues that needed raising at staff meeting on Monday. Kerry was more than happy with her first week on the job and told Bill that he had done more than enough, she leant forward and kissed his cheek. Geoff saw the kiss and said something about “my turn next boss” so Bill slapped him on the arm saying “only when you look as good as Kerry, mate.”

Friday evening was always lonely for Kerry, she knew that others had finished work and gone out for drinks or home to partners and all she had was the TV and a microwaved dinner she prepared on Wednesday night. Around seven thirty the phone rang, “Hi Kerry it’s Joanne here what are you doing tonight?” she asked, Kerry told her that she had nothing planned apart from TV unless she had a better offer.” Thirty minutes later Kerry had changed into a short black and gold striped skirt and white silk blouse with many of the buttons undone, black bra and grey seamed pantyhose. Her face was made up with bold black eye liner and mascara, gold eye shadow and a new shining blusher that promised to make you shine like the stars. New dangly earrings, rings and chains on her wrist as well as one on her ankle made her feel every part a woman. The Special K necklace always took pride of place on nights like this and her new gold and black 4” heels made her legs look so long. By the time Jo knocked at the door Kerry’s mood had lifted and she was ready to enjoy a night out, whatever that meant. Jo looked very good in her evening wear but had to admit that Kerry was going to steal some of the limelight from her, the extra few inches in her legs made all of the difference she thought. Joanne kissed Kerry and made her turn around to be checked out, “Damn it girl you are too sexy for our group” she told Kerry.

Jo and a couple of the girls had decided to go out for a dance and some drinks so inviting Kerry seemed only natural since she was now one of them, single and female. Kerry loved the female part but still hated the single part but she also had no plans of changing that. The club was beside the river and had an alfresco area for drinking and just watching the sunset over the city, it was also quieter out there and they could hear each other talk. Kerry went to the bar and ordered a bottle of wine and four glasses as well as some water, as she walked back to the table carrying the tray someone pinched her backside then slapped it in fun, some fun being squeezed and slapped she thought.

“Do they always do that to you girls?” she asked them as she put the drinks on the table, “I wish they would do it to me” said Jo. Gwen and Rachael just shook their heads, Jo could get a little too intense with guys some times and would need rescuing from her own doing.

Their table was just outside so they could see the dance floor but also hear each other, so after a quick drink Jo stood up and grabbed Kerry to go and dance. Paul had two left feet but had been trying to get coordinated by attending a dance studio, but as Paul and not Kerry. Dancing was a hard thing to master after only a few weeks of dance training, let alone in heels, Kerry told Jo to slow down and let her get used to being on the “wrong side of the dance floor”. Jo realized what she meant and took it slowly but her dancing with Kerry looked more like driving Miss Daisy than dancing.

As the night went on Kerry found a style that suited her and finally was comfortable on the floor, it was then that a couple of guys walked over and tried to join in. Kerry turned as if to let them know she was not interested but Jo had already joined in with them, “do I leave or dance” she thought trying to not lose the flow. She found herself dancing vaguely with the four in the general area but as the dance beat slowed down one of them grabbed her arm to pull her to him. Kerry got very confused and Paul was panicking, he was dancing with a bloke. Somehow she kept her rhythm and tried to think about the ending, would he kiss her, would she let him, would he want more, she knew she had nothing to give him like that.

At the end Jo made an excuse about leaving the other girls alone and pulled Kerry away just in time as her partner had been closing for more. “What is it with these guys, are they on more hormones than I am?” Kerry said shaking her head and laughing, “I think they need to take a cold shower or two.” “You really have missed out on the singles scene haven’t you dear” said Gwen, “sorry, I didn’t mean it like that Kerry.” “Good one Gwen” said Rachael who had seen the change in Kerry’s smile and being divorced only a year before knew what she was feeling. They had a few more drinks and a final dance together, four girls out on the town together, Kerry felt slightly tipsy but had enjoyed it all.

Instead of them each going home Kerry invited them around for a coffee from her machine, they could see her place as well. She had just finished buying it and the new kitchen had been installed while she was in Thailand, the bathroom would be done next trip. Pulling into the driveway they parked the cars and Kerry unlocked the front door to let them in, the unit was recently painted in much softer colours and with some paintings on the wall and flowers on the table, courtesy of Bill, the place looked a lot better than nine months ago when she first saw it.

“The toilet’s through there and the back door is behind the curtain” she told them, as Kerry ground some fresh coffee beans and put out four Latte mugs. She also found some biscotti and put some on a plate in the lounge room, the girls made themselves at home and took off their shoes and jackets, just throwing them over a chair. “I was about to say feel free to relax but you have already done that” joked Kerry as she put the biscuits down on the table with the sugar bowl. “Is there anything you don’t do right?” asked Rachael, “who else has special biscuits for Latte incase friends drop in.” “Let me play mum, it’s been a long time coming” Kerry told them while frothing the milk and filling the mugs that had been heated by the boiling water.

The three girls stayed much longer than they had planned as Kerry entertained them with answers and information about her past life and about being transgendered. She produced her very personal photo album to show some of the changes, the young Paul, the bearded Paul, biker Paul and then the slimmer stages as Kerry was slowly emerging, the changing hair styles and finally the bandages at the Thailand hospital. There were the photos of before and after of her chest, which she only showed them under fear of death. Kerry brought out the old photo that she had taken down from the hallway after hitting her goal weight. The girls spent ages comparing the photo with Kerry and could not see any similarity, Paul was for all visible evidence gone from the scene.

“How long before the, you know what goes?” asked Gwen always more forthright than politically correct. “I need to convince the doctors that I can live like this for 12 months before they will allow me to have the operation in this country” Kerry said. “Do you think it will be hard for you?’ asked Rachael trying to be careful, “not if I have people like you around sweety” replied Kerry. “It all depends on being accepted at work and not having too many conflicts, although I nearly freaked out tonight with that guy on the dance floor” Kerry confessed. “Some times we go to the gay bar just for some peace from the meat eaters” said Gwen, “but you may have more trouble if you came with us” she continued. “Another nice one Gwen” said Kerry throwing a scatter cushion at her in fun. The girls left noisier than Kerry wanted but promised to do it all again another week. Kerry stripped off her clothes and left them on the floor, she cleaned her makeup off and crawled into her bed at around 2am, far later than any Friday night for many years but she was very happy with the end of week one.

Saturday was fruit and vegetable day from the marketplace, Kerry had slept in until around ten before she woke up, slipping on a silk wrap she walked out into the kitchen and prepared her breakfast, with juice and tea. Kerry walked outside to the small garden setting that allowed her to see the river but not be seen by the other tenants. This had been another one of the things that drew her attention to the unit when she first saw it. As Kerry enjoyed just sitting and relaxing in the sunshine she heard the mobile phone ring, she chose to let it ring through to voice mail. She was getting very protective of her time and had not installed a land line so that she could turn off the phone when she wanted to. Kerry felt the wrap come loose and found herself sitting there in just her teddy, her legs folded up underneath her body, she looked down and saw her new breasts sitting there and moving as she breathed. The pain from the operation had gone after a few days and the swelling had stopped after ten days, and now after three weeks the bruises had also vanished.

Kerry went inside and found the little red bikini she had purchased in Thailand just after the surgery, the pants were cut high but had enough material to cover up what needed to be hidden, the bra was a different matter, little material and thin straps. She put it on and went back out to the patio and sat in the sun reading a book until nearly twelve o’clock, the sun was warming and made her feel so good. Kerry slipped on a pair of jeans and heels and checked out her image in the mirror, her small waist and good breasts framed in a small bikini top. She thought about going shopping like that but chose a tank top instead she had to go to the meat market and didn’t want to be the special of the day.

Before leaving she listened to her voice mail, it was Janet asking how the first week had gone at work, Kerry wanted to respond but was not ready for a repeat of the last visit. She grabbed her bags and left the unit for the market. The car park was crowded by now and she had to park at the end of the area and walk the distance. The vegetable shop was packed but she chose her goods, paid for them and left quickly making sure she avoided the owner. Walking through the market she found herself just strolling around swinging her bag and her hips, this was pure Kerry Time and something she had looked forward to for several years now.

The butchers shop was busy so Kerry went and purchased an iced tea to walk around with, she wanted some new curtains and seat covers so she drifted around looking at the stalls. The jewelry stalls always got her attention but the quality was only average and she was beginning to like gold and more gold. Diamonds also made nice additions and she had found some nice bits that worked well together. When she got back to the butchers the crowds had gone and she was able to buy the things she wanted, the flirting started as soon as she spoke to Frank, his flirting that is. She tried to go along with the good natured interaction and she found she actually liked being chatted up and the compliments that she was getting about her body and her smile, even if he was talking to her chest. Frank was harmless and just part of the show in the marketplace but it did make Kerry think about the time when she may want to take it further with a man. Kerry joked with Frank and told him he couldn’t handle the kind of woman she was and left him smiling.

On the way back home she saw Janet’s car near the unit, Kerry had made a decision to follow her own thoughts and if that hurt Janet it had to be. They had agreed earlier on that they would call and get permission to come around and never stalk the other persons home. Kerry pulled the car into her driveway and triggered the remote door for the car, Janet was straight behind her when she got out of the car. “I know I should have called but you didn’t answer my voice mail” she lamely told Kerry after seeing the look on her face.

“I had a good week and felt like chilling out” said Kerry, “the least you can do is help with my bags.” Janet grabbed a bag and followed Kerry into the unit, “is it okay if I come in now?” asked Janet making sure she had permission from Kerry. Kerry ignored the question hoping that Janet would get the disapproval but not wanting to be rude to Janet.

“I have to get this into the freezer and fridge before they get warm so if you want a drink feel free.” Janet put the kettle on and made drinks for both of them, she noticed the place was slightly messy and that all of the chairs had stuff on them. Kerry saw her looking and said “I had friends over last night after we went out dancing”, “dancing, since when did you dance?” choked Janet who had never seen Paul offer to dance anymore than the obligatory one. “There are many things that I do that you may find unusual or new, it’s just that I have found new things to do with my time” Kerry said with a hint of acid in her voice. Janet missed the acid, she always did unless it was in gallons rather than drops.

Kerry opened the back door to the patio and put her drink down, Janet followed with her drink and sat down. “Just going to change my top” said Kerry disappearing to the bedroom and removing her tank top and jeans and putting on a pair of very tight shorts over her bikini’s. Janet was looking towards the river when Kerry walked back outside, “I love the view from…” Janet started to say. With Kerry standing at the edge of the patio looking out her new figure made Janet freeze, partly with shock and partly with envy.

The tiny bikini top hardly covered anything, luckily the scar was very well hidden as well, the breasts had good shape and the doctor had created pert rather than sag. “Well do you approve of the new body?” Kerry asked Janet, “or should I get some more saline put into them. They only cost me $2200 US and $2000 for the FFS plus airfares and a small holiday so around seven grand all up”, she continued telling Janet about the facial work and the great treatment from the hospital staff.

“I didn’t realize that you would be doing this so quickly” said Janet obviously shocked at what she saw for the first time since their last argument. “I had a discussion with Bill about moving up the date of transition at work and it all fell into place so why not?” said Kerry turning to find her drink. “Have you planned the rest of the surgery yet?” asked Janet not really wanting to know about the final blow to their marriage. “I have to wait for nearly twelve months before making a booking so this time next year I’ll know when” Kerry told Janet in a ‘matter of fact’ manner.

Kerry thawed a little and let Janet off the hook, I guess thirty years counts for something even after divorce. “How did the week go, you never sent me an email on Friday night” she asked Kerry, they normally sent one email a week just to check up on each other. “Sorry I got invited out by the girls for drinks and yes, some dancing and totally forgot, we had a very late night” said Kerry.

“They haven’t had a problem with you at work?” questioned Janet, “no, the opposite is true the girls have adopted me into the club, sort of a group mum at my age” replied Kerry trying to make a joke about her age. “What about the guys are they OK with it all” Janet said assuming that they would have had something to say about it. Kerry told about the email and the discussion over drinks on Friday afternoon and how they had relaxed with her and appeared to understand her journey.

“I still have to face clients that know me but that may not be for several months if Bill can manage it” said Kerry, wondering what the clients would be told. They had talked about just introducing Kerry as a new person but the same surname may be a giveaway and her knowledge of the client site and operational stuff could tip it slightly. Kerry had talked with some of the clients before the surgery but had been careful not to mention SRS, just a little face work to help with the effects of weight loss.

It was nearly five o’clock and Kerry thought about inviting Janet for dinner, “would you like to stay for dinner?” she asked Janet. Janet blushed slightly, “I have a booking for dinner, thanks anyway” she quietly said, “OK let me know, you mean a date and it’s John isn’t it, I could tell he had the hots for you in the market” Kerry teased Janet but also tried to let her know that she approved of her choice. “Are you OK about that?” asked Janet wanting to keep things with Kerry on a good footing. “I told you last year that you deserved better than I could give you, of course I am happy for you” Kerry said as she hugged Janet and she meant it. “If he has a younger brother I could come along” Kerry joked but Janet couldn’t quite come at laughing.

Janet left and promised to tell all on email later in the week, Kerry finished putting the shopping away and cutting up the meat for the freezer. The house was quiet, too quiet and Kerry felt lonely again, the tears came as she put the cups in the dishwasher and she crumpled into a ball on the bed. Having a great new body and spending Kerry Time was one thing but having no one to spend it with was another, she needed some friends and a goal again. She lay there sobbing at her loss, had she made the wrong choices, could she have lived the rest of her life as a male with a mixed up mind?

Something broke in her, she lay there for over an hour letting it all flood out, until she thought it was all gone. She had crawled under the quilt and curled up into a child like position that made her feel safer. It was nearly seven before she finished her third round of sobbing, surely it must be all gone by now she thought to herself. Kerry forced herself out of bed and put some warmer clothes on over the bikini top, a sloppy jo as they were called, long legs, heels, shorts and a baggy sweat shirt, what a sight.

Kerry pulled out some leftovers and added a simple salad and slumped down in front of the TV, it was nearly seven thirty so something should be starting, another holiday show, places to go and things to do but no one to do it with and she felt herself heave from within again. The feelings were stronger than she had ever felt before and she wondered what had caused it, the divorce was easy enough, the legal side with the directors had worked out very well, Janet was having a date. That started it off again, Kerry thought she had let go but something just wouldn’t leave her alone, was it sharing Janet with someone else or her moving on and Kerry not moving on.

The TV show talked about lifestyle changes, a sea change they called it, surely she had undergone one of those already. Kerry put her food down and grabbed a glass of wine, actually she opened a new bottle of a very nice wine she had just found at a good price if you bought a case, which she did. She watched the goggle box and flicked the channels, ‘Got to get cable” she told herself, followed by “or maybe a life.”

The sun had gone down long ago and she had not closed the curtains, the moon was full and shone through the windows “that’s the problem, full moon” she thought. Stepping outside onto the patio she sipped her wine and watched the moon, it just hung there all alone but proud and bold, she wanted to be like that, proud and bold that is, not the alone part. Kerry refilled her glass and sat down on the chair overlooking the river and the moon reflecting on the water. It must have been a good hour before she realized it was getting cold and headed inside again and closed the doors and curtains. Her mobile beeped to show she had missed a voice mail, it was Janet thanking her for letting her go on a date and finished with “Loves you” not the thing she needed to hear right now but it was good for Janet.

Sunday dawned nice and early, the sun was already up and the weather was going to be nice and warm, low thirties and no wind until the “doctor” came in at 2pm. The Fremantle Doctor or the Docker as some called it, was the sea breeze that cooled the coastal region down in the early afternoon, great for sailing and docking old large sailing vessels in port. Kerry decided on a bike ride so after her shower and shave, yes she still needed to do some of those chores, she took out the bike grabbed a water bottle and bike bag and hit the cycle track.

Her shorts and t-shirt fitted much better after the surgery but she kept finding the weight of having boobs jiggling out front surprised her, time for a good sports bra she noted. That would be one of the highlights of the next week she decided, she needed a day off for a doctor's visit and chose to make it a clothes day as her new chest size had been slightly larger than she had planned before getting to Thailand. It was only when the plastic surgeon helped her with several implants in a special bra that she had chosen more. After all small girls with small boobs looked OK but larger girls, as in taller ones, could get away with a D size or more.

The sun bounced off her shoulders as she rode down the track, towards the city, the water was still and she felt at peace for once. The bike riders that came from behind enjoyed the views as well and many had to swerve to miss things on the track as they got distracted but Kerry was unaware of the trouble her shorts and legs created. The seat had been carefully chosen as Kerry had lumps and bumps in places that normal girls didn’t, even guys didn’t have them in the same place so riding was always to be done carefully. Kerry clamped the bike at one of the bike racks and took a walk along the shore, she had the backpack over her shoulder and was drinking from the water bottle and enjoying just being free to walk along. In her bag she had placed a cheese salad and some multigrain bread from the bakery yesterday, she chose a small lawned area and sat down to enjoy the view.

As she sat there she saw a couple of the old directors walking along talking, her initial thoughts were to run but she had no similarity to the person they sacked nearly two years ago. They walked closer and she watched them, they looked at her, then past her, she had not registered on their list of people they knew. Kerry could not help it anymore and put the food back into her backpack then stood up after they had passed her, she grabbed her bag and followed slowly behind them. When they stopped Kerry walked up to them and as she got close to them she started to speak.

“G’day guys I just wanted to thank you for the insurance money and the name is now Kerry in case you forget, Paul is long gone. All I wanted was an answer as to why you sacked me, but the money will actually help me to become more of the woman you hated so much”

Before they could react she was walking away from them wiggling her hips more than normally, and swinging the bag in her hand. She was amazed at the nerve she felt but had wanted to do this for so long. Had she turned around she would have seen two guys just standing there with mouths open watching her walk down the ramp to the water. This was really messing with their minds.

Kerry kept walking along the beach and finally sat down when she knew that she would be out of sight of the two guys. She went through her bag and picked out her mobile phone and called Janet, “guess who I just saw” she asked Janet “and guess what I told them.” Janet laughed at the comment and wished she could have seen their faces.

Kerry asked how the date had gone and Janet just made comments about the food and the music and not John which meant that she was keeping quiet about something, “and what else happened” she asked Janet. “Nothing else that I need to tell you about” she joked and Kerry actually believed her.

They hung up and Kerry kept walking along the beach, the water was so inviting and Kerry had put her one piece bathers on under the shorts, she thought about just paddling her feet and stripped off her t-shirt and shoes leaving just her shorts on. The water was nice and she got carried away as she waded out, her shorts got wet so she plunged in and got wet all over. The wind was still slight so drying off in the sun was quite nice, she lay on the sand and let the sun soak into her skin. Kerry reached into her bag and took out the salad and bread, she washed her hands in the sea and came back to sit on her towel and eat lunch.

Joanne was walking along the foreshore with a friend when she spotted Kerry and ran over to her, “don’t you look the beach bunny” said Jo as she hugged Kerry. The friend came and sat down with them both, Sonja was working at a local company as the accountant and had met Jo during one of the implementations last year. They sat and talked for a few minutes before heading off for ice creams and invited Kerry to come along, she didn’t want to eat fattening foods but went along for the company.

The three girls went for ice creams and Kerry grabbed an iced tea, it had become her favorite drink since starting her diet nearly a year ago. They were going to the pictures at four and asked Kerry if she wanted to join them, Kerry accepted but said she would ride home, get changed and meet them at four. Kerry walked to her bike and rode home, it was just after three by the time she arrived and headed straight for the shower.

Kerry chose a knee length cream skirt and light weight blouse over her white bra and silk knickers, her white heels and conservative makeup looked very nice along with the slight red shading from a day in the sun. Kerry parked her car in the parking station and walked over to the cinema just as Jo and Sonja reached the front counter, they bought tickets and entered the cinema carrying popcorn and drinks. The film was “Stepping Out” standard dirty dancing, good guy learns to dance movie, and makes out with the lead girl. It was only around six when they left the cinema so Jo suggested a bite to eat and maybe a drink or two, Kerry had no desire to go home and be alone again so she agreed to follow along. They ate in a fairly busy Italian café, the other two ordered a large meat lovers Pizza and Kerry ordered her normal chicken salad, gaining weight was still a risk for her with the hormones making everything change. The evening crowd came and went as the girls talked and all along Sonja had no idea that Kerry was anything but what she looked, a very normal middle aged woman.

Next time - Kerry and the doctor have serious talks, Jo helps Kerry into the singles scene and Kerry takes Jo shopping.

BTW - I have tried breaking up the chapter with more speech breaks, does it help?

The Doctors appointment was on Friday morning so Kerry had booked the whole day off, she was also going for her very first bra fitting, after all when you provide the filling what cup size you buy is not a big issue. The week flew by as Kerry got into client meetings and looked at configuration proposals, her experience in implementations made her look at things differently. The time allocated for tasks was often too small and the client would have been better knowing up front that some things could not be done in the exact way the salesman had been telling them. She talked with Bill once a week to cover her transition and also her new position, her added insight made Bill look at the entire quoting process and how it could be made better for both parties. Over quoting and under delivery was the worst scenario for clients, it made them angry and they had to invariably spend more money than they had planned on.

The girls all went out for lunch on Tuesday and Kerry seemed to just fit in with them, on Thursday the guys had decided on their own lunch time and just to spite the girls they invited Kerry along. Bill had actually worked on this as he still observed the gap between the guys and Kerry, same restaurant different crowd she thought as they arrived at Bills now favorite place. The lunch times made talking easier and less disruptive to work periods so Bill was happy to see Kerry being accepted by both groups. He found Kerry related in a different way when near the guys, more careful than carefree, she guarded her words and seemed to expect rejection or pain. Kerry tried really hard to relax but the elephant in the lounge room was still very visible to her.

Friday came around quickly and Kerry took her time rising from her bed, she had bought a new quilt cover on Thursday night and along with the new sheets set the room was brighter and pinker than ever before. She slipped on her silk wrap got a cup of tea and walked outside to drink it while watching the bike riders pedal to work along the river bike track. Her appointment wasn’t until 10 and she still had a good two hours to spare so she decided on a quick bike ride to burn some energy and help her keep fit. An hour later and she was hot and sweaty after pedaling nearly 30km’s, her t-shirt was soaked but she felt much better apart from the lump in her pants that hurt too much. Kerry hit the shower and let the water run down her hybrid body, the top was looking fantastic but she longed for the day when the lower part was completely right. She did check out the pain but assumed it was due to how she was sitting on the bike seat and the pace she had set today.

She dressed in a very neat skirt and blouse that could be unbuttoned when she got her fitting done, the doctor would probably need to examine her as well. She put on a pair of pantyhose and heels, her rings and watch then the new gold and diamond pendant she had just bought herself, “you just have to love gold and diamonds” she thought. The matching earrings hung down her neck and swung drawing attention to her, the makeup was office wear, well at least for a twenty something year old girl it would have been office wear.

She left the unit in plenty of time to park the car and walk to the doctor’s rooms on the main street. Doctor Gwynn Jones was a specialist in gender and sexuality and had been recommended by Kerry’s GP when she first asked about hormones over a year earlier, even before the split. He ran a small group of rooms and spent some time overseas studying and practicing in poorer countries, he had recommended the doctor in Thailand when Kerry had asked him for a cheaper option. Kerry had not seen him for two months, which was well before her trip overseas, and as she waited for her appointment she thought back over the last year under his care.

The hormones had worked very well and her body had not only trimmed down but she had seen a growth in hips and buttocks while losing in the waist legs and arms. Her tan had added a glow to her skin and with the hair colouring she looked quite different let alone the facial surgery and breast work. Doctor Gwynn called her name and she walked into his office.

“I have to say that you have changed a lot over the last year, are you happy?’ he asked her.

“Look at my smile, what do you think Gwynn” she replied and did a quick turn for him. “I have had a note from Dr Param letting me know about your visit, the work he did for you and asking me to do a few checks” he told her. “Does that mean he was concerned with something?” Kerry asked him getting concerned, “no just a regular review and a look at the hormone implant” he told her.

The doctor asked Kerry about the trip and the hospital, the pain and any remaining issues, he then asked “Okay, I need to examine your breasts and scrotum, would you like a gown?” “I think it would be easier than just stripping in front of you” she laughed. Kerry stepped behind a screen and took off her clothes and put on a gown, this was the first time he had required the full gown to be used. The Doctor warmed his hands before gently massaging her breasts, “any pain around here, or here, what about here” he asked her “nothing at all” she replied.

“Now can you lay down on the bench please” he told her tapping the table, he pulled her gown up slightly and looked at her scrotum. “Dr Param asked me about your scrotum as he noticed you were having some pain, how is this” he asked but Kerry jumped so much he knew the answer. “How long has it been sore?” he asked as he kept gently moving the penis and scrotum around, “about three months but it’s getting far worse, especially today” Kerry explained.

The doctor got her to get dressed as he made some notes, when she walked back around the screen she was getting very concerned about the pain. “I just thought it was related to the hormones and stuff, nothing serious” said Kerry showing the pain slightly.

“Have you done anything different over the last month” he asked, “what apart from facial surgery, growing boobs and having sacks of saline shoved up my jumper, no nothing” she said trying to joke about it.

“I mean physical and don’t be flippant” he chided her but understood her tense nature, “what about medication, have you changed anything at all.” The doctor consulted his notes and there was nothing out of the ordinary, the hormones blocked androgens and boosted estrogen, the implant was a better delivery device nothing more.

His mood moved just slightly and he got serious with Kerry, “I can make a quick booking for you at my hospital as I need to have a look inside” he told her “when, how long, are you sure?’ Kerry asked getting more concerned. He then went on to tell her about testicular cancer and the effects of vasectomy but he needed to have a closer look. “If you can chop those things off at the same time then please go ahead” she told him “I don’t think it will come to that yet, not for another eleven months dear” he said, not really convinced. The receptionist paged his phone and let him know about the booking, “OK, I can get you in at three o’clock today, is that alright by you?” he asked her. Kerry left the doctors rooms feeling very flat and more than a touch concerned at what he had told her, the option of cancer was scary for anyone to hear.

Suddenly the joy of a bra fitting had vanished as she drove home to get an overnight bag just in case she got admitted. Kerry just potted around the unit and tidied up after packing a nighty and a change of clothes. She made a phone call to the office and spoke to Bill about going under the knife later on the in day and got several assurances that she could take whatever time she needed. She thought the clock had stopped moving it was going so slowly, she decided to get out of the unit rather than mope around. The doctor had told her to wear casual loose fitting clothes as surgery could hurt for a few days, that would mean tucking things away could be difficult. Kerry had chosen a grey track suit with sneakers and a black sports top and white tank over the top, so after adjusting her makeup she left the unit. Kerry drove along the coast road and stopped to watch the yachts about 500m out to sea, they had spinnakers out and were making good speed and distance, she still missed her yacht. Kerry walked a little and tried to relax but found herself parked and inside the hospital in plenty of time.

The doctor had ordered a day room for her so she sat in a big recliner and read a magazine wearing one of those horrible gowns with her pants still on. The nurse checked that she had eaten nothing since nine in the morning or had drunk more than water, otherwise she would have trouble with the medications. Dr Gwynn was on time so just before three she had the first pre-med and waited in the chair, by three o’clock the nurse moved her to a trolley bed and administered the next pre-med to put her closer to sleeping.

All the forms had been signed and completed long before the drugs came out but Kerry wanted to ask Dr Gwynn about the “Best Outcome” clause she noted, he told her that if he found anything unusual he would do whatever was required in line with his understanding of her desires for the best outcome. This clause allowed him a level of legal cover but only if he had firm direction from the patient or medical grounds dictated a rapid response. She started to count backwards from ten, nine, the familiar taste in the back of her mouth as the drugs took over, she had already prayed and it was now up to the doctor.

The nurse shook her and asked something silly, about needing a drink yet, but what about the surgery she tried to say but nothing worked in her head. The nurse came around a few minutes later, “how are you feeling now dear?’ she asked Kerry, still nothing worked. Next time around Kerry asked what time it was only to be told that it was now five o’clock and she had been back from surgery for thirty minutes. Kerry tried to focus, the surgery was only meant to be exploratory and take thirty minutes, something must have gone wrong and then the pain hit in the groin. Medication is a great thing, it takes away so much pain, physical and mental.

Kerry woke at seven and found herself lying in a bed with a drip in her arm and another bed alongside. This was definitely a ward and not a day room she concluded as she looked for a nurse. “Can you tell me what the doctor had to do please?’ she asked a senior looking nurse, “Dr Gwynn will be around at eight when he does his rounds so just relax until then” she was told. Kerry drifted in and out as the IV drip dispensing the pain killer beeped and pumped into her body. The doctor came into her room just after eight and asked how she was feeling, “groggy but only just in pain” she said but really wanting to know what had happened. Dr Gwynn explained that he found the testes had been drying up for around four months but had been damaged at some time and had started to get inflamed, his only choice was to perform an emergency removal of them and tidy the scrotum up.

“You didn’t remove any skin did you?” she asked quickly, knowing that it would be required when Dr Param did the next round of SRS. The doctor assured her that he had spoken with Dr Param earlier in the day about his concerns and had been very careful to maintain everything that was needed and remove anything that wasn’t needed. Kerry breathed again, “that’s okay then doc, how long will I be in here or off work” Kerry asked him. Dr Gwynn told her she could go after morning rounds but would probably need a week off work as the pain was similar to having everything removed, sort of a foretaste of the pain to come.

The next morning she woke, and hobbled into the shower after asking the nurse, “just keep it warm and not too hot” she was told. Kerry felt down to the were the pain was coming from and the lack of round balls felt much better to her, maybe all the bad thoughts about them had killed them off. “Should have tried it earlier” she thought as the water washed over her body, “another bit gone for good” she said. The nurse checked on her and told her to just put loose pants on and not to try to tuck anything away today, they were used to having clients like her. Kerry shaved and applied her makeup and even put a nice top on before breakfast, the doctor would be checking down below so Kerry sat in bed and waited. The doctor came around, looked in and asked how she was feeling, he vanished for several minutes then came back and pulled the curtains closed. “Let me have a look at you my dear” he said very much at ease with her new gender choice, he carefully prodded and tested the area then simply said “fine you can go now but I want to see you on Friday in my rooms” and left.

The nurse came in, gave Kerry some medications in a paper bag and told her that she could call a taxi for her “It’s OK I have my car down stairs”, Kerry was told in no uncertain way that driving was not a good idea. Kerry thought of who would be free at this time on a Saturday, it would have to be Janet or a taxi, “how long before I can drive?” she asked the nurse, “twenty four hours after the anesthetics” so five o’clock tonight.” Kerry called a taxi and went home by herself, she sat in the cab feeling every turn and bump, her pain showing on her face and the driver slowed down for the big bumps.

Kerry unlocked her unit and walked inside after paying the cab fare, she was alone again and wanted to cry again. “What is it with me lately” she thought trying to go back through what had changed in the last month, it seemed to be only since her face and boob surgery. Slowly she retraced everything in Thailand that Dr Param had done, the only thing that could cause it was the change from tablet to implant for her drugs, the dose was meant to be the same and she had checked on the dosage to make sure the even keel was maintained in her life. She had been on prescription hormones for over six months now and the doctor carefully controlled the dosages of each type, but it couldn’t be anything else, so she cried again.

The mobile phone rang around midday and Bill was asking about her health and condition, “I figure I must have cursed my testicles Bill so they died and had to be removed” Bill crossed his legs silently feeling the pain that all men hate. “I think I need a week off as it really hurts to sit or stand at the moment” she told Bill “no problems I’ll let your boss know about it” he said jokingly since he was her real boss. “I’ll probably be able to do some help desk questions so it will give the guys a breather” she volunteered to Bill. “Fine but just get better and don’t worry if you can’t handle it we’ll see you on Monday, bye” he said hanging up. Bill was being very good about all of this and more caring than he had been with any of the guys that he had seen in the office.

Kerry slept until four and after a light meal she called a taxi to take her back to the hospital car park to pick up her car. The drive there was slightly better so she had a hope of driving her car, until she sat in the seat and stretched out her legs for the pedals, the sudden pain made her scream. Kerry sat there and waited for the pain to go away, she moved her legs again and the pain shot through her body. She waited for the pain to go down again before giving it a third go, there was something very wrong as the pain made her scream again, this time a nurse was coming into the car park and heard the cry. The nurse had seen Kerry on Friday and came over to the car to see what was happening, Kerry got out of the car and leaned against it talking to the nurse. “It shouldn’t be hurting that much after a whole day” she told Kerry who thought the same. “Come inside and let's just check you out” she suggested to Kerry who was not able to go anywhere else anyway.

Kerry lay on a bed after carefully removing her skirt and pants, the nurse checked the wound site and wiped away some blood but found no reason for the pain. It was certainly sore to touch and stretching her legs made Kerry flinch with pain, this was getting worse thought the nurse and called her supervisor. They followed protocol and called the attending doctor to get instructions, Kerry was told he would be in at seven tonight and he had asked for her to be admitted over night. Dr Gwynn arrived just after seven fifteen, he had done the rest of his rounds and came into Kerry’s room, “let’s see what has happened” he said closing the curtains. He inspected the wound site and then pressed some areas just above the scrotum sack that made Kerry jump. Several times the doctor had a look on his face that made Kerry worry after all he had said the “C” word, cancer, during his consultation on Friday morning. Kerry started to cry at the thought of losing everything just as she was finding it for the first time.

“I don’t think it’s that bad dear” the doctor said trying to assure her, “but I may need to go back in and check deeper up so I need a good set of X-rays and can I have an ultra sound as well nurse.” The nurse bought a wheel chair for Kerry and pushed her off to the x-ray unit, a few snaps and then an ultra sound scan of her abdomen region. The doctor had the films within twenty minutes and could see a small dark shape just behind the bladder, it looked fairly small but was wrapped around some plumbing works. He told Kerry that she would have to have surgery in the morning and it could be a few hours long, she asked about cancer and the various types that normally occurred in this body area.

Kerry slept only after a sleeping tablet and was awake by six but could only have a shower and shave, breakfast was cancelled due to her pending operation. The doctor had scheduled an 8am surgery session so Kerry was given a pre-med around seven thirty and transferred onto a trolley bed ready for the ride to the operating room. As the gas hit the back of her throat she asked for a good result and drifted off, only to wake up nearly three hours later in recovery. The nurse made the same silly comments and Kerry did the same, she fell back to sleep until she finally came around as her temperature and blood pressure were being taken. They moved her back to her room and she started to feel better but the pain was different this time, it was higher in the groin. Dr Gwynn came in shortly after she had been moved, he had a chart and paper notepad, he drew a diagram that was supposed to look like her plumbing works.

The short story was that a cancerous growth had attached to the urinary tract and had started to close it off, the surgery removed it and some more tissue that was obviously not meant to be there. Dr Gywnn was happy with the surgery and the tumor was classed as being non life threatening and would not require any chemo therapy. About eight o’clock Monday morning the doctor came around and made a decision that she could go home, this time Joanne got dropped off at the hospital and drove Kerry home. Jo stayed with her for an hour until Bill came by and picked her up for work, he also dropped off a large bunch of flowers for her from the entire team.

It was Monday morning and Kerry was sitting at home with nothing to do, the pain had gone away and she was looking at a full five days of rest, she made it through the first day but Oprah was not her favorite choice. The second day started just the same, she logged into the email and saw Bill’s email asking how she was going, the girls had sent emails wishing her well. She tried to get some work done but couldn’t concentrate on the work, more midday movies and a short trip to get some videos. By Wednesday morning she was feeling much better and actually did some support work for a few clients, the helpdesk was overloaded and they appreciated her clearing some work, Thursday came and went. Friday morning began and Kerry rose early, she showered and got ready for the doctor's appointment at nine thirty, she was feeling much better today. The car drive was alright and she felt no pain this time, parking the car and walking to the rooms took some doing but she arrived in plenty of time. Dr Gwynn called her into the rooms and after a quick check told her that everything looked much better, she could go back to normal appointments.

Joanne called after work to see how she was going and wondered if she wanted to go dancing, “probably not the best thing after surgery Jo” Kerry told her. “Sorry I didn’t think, what about dinner then” Jo asked, “were you thinking of going out or eating at my place?” Kerry asked her. “Well, if you are offering OK but otherwise how about Italian?” Jo asked hoping that Kerry would offer to cook. “What say you bring the wine and bread and I’ll make the pasta and salad?” Kerry offered, “done, see you at seven I’ll bring a couple of friends” Jo replied hanging up. Kerry made a couple of pasta dishes, carbonara and chili tomato, then laid the outside table for four.

Jo arrived on time and introduced her boy friend Tom and his mate Clive. Kerry let them in and as soon as they had poured a drink and gone outside she dragged Jo into the kitchen, “what are you doing to me?” she asked Jo. “Nothing, just thought Clive may like a night out” Jo said with a slight smile on her face, Kerry slapped her across the arm. “Isn’t he too young to be out late?” Kerry asked, trying not to freak out at what she thought of as having a blind date. They rejoined the guys on the patio carrying the salad and bread, Tom made a point of complementing Kerry on a great view from the unit. The meal went down well and both guys said how they enjoyed real cooking for once, the three bottles of wine got polished off mainly by Jo and the guys, Kerry had very little.

They wanted to go for a walk along the bike track so Kerry locked the unit as they walked out the back door, Tom and Jo went arm in arm down the track and Clive followed behind with Kerry. Kerry thought he looked cute but around twenty years younger and also very male, “do you mind if I hold your hand” said Clive. Kerry thought that he was being very polite, but was she ready for such a drastic step, “If you want to, but don’t get any other ideas” she warned him. Kerry felt his hand gently hold hers and they walked along talking, she found herself warming to her new friend. Clive talked about work and asked plenty of open questions so she could talk about herself, she found him easy to get on with but still very young.

“How old do you think I am?” she asked Clive, “I don’t know, about thirty something, why?’ he said. “That’s really sweet of you but I am just over fifty and that is probably closer to your mums age than yours” Kerry told him. He just held her hand firmer as they walked along, Kerry said she had to sit down as walking was harder than she had thought after the operations this week so they found a bench and sat while Jo and Tom just kept walking, Clive put his arm around Kerry when she shivered and she felt the security of being protected. “I’m getting cold out here and it’s probably not good for me” she told him, “lets go back inside and wait for the love birds to come home” she suggested.

As soon as she unlocked the patio door Clive held her waist and she knew what was about to happen, “fight or flight” she thought trying to guess what her reaction would be. She was too slow and he pulled her towards him and bent his head to kiss her, he was gentle and the kiss was warm, even soft on her lips. Kerry had a silent argument with Paul, “now is not the time to wake up” she told him, at least in her mind she told him as her body had very definite ideas. Clive had put one hand on her bottom and repeated the kiss, she found herself moving her hips just a tad towards him, too small to feel she thought but Clive picked up on it straight away. He held her like this for only a few seconds, “excuse me” said Jo coming into the garden, with Tom in tow behind her.

“Tom has an early flight out tomorrow so I have to get him home” Jo told Kerry with a glint in her eye that said so much more. “I’ll stay and do the dishes for you then” said Clive knowing it sounded so corny and none of them believed a word he was saying.

As Tom drove out of the driveway Clive shut the door and said “now where were we before they came in?” Kerry now had a major problem, she knew what he wanted and what she could not supply, “look I have just had major surgery down there and my doctor will kill you if you upset his work” was her best idea. His bottom lip dropped and the puppy dog eyes looked so cute, Kerry had been able to use this often in her previous life form.

“Let me see what I can help you with” she said and his eyes opened thinking of all the things she could do for him. Kerry put her arms around his neck and kissed him again, she felt the tell tale lump in his pants and absolutely nothing in her own. Clive reached up and touched her left breast, she shuddered, “are you still cold?” he asked, “actually I think I may just be a little hotter than I thought” she said kissing him again.

“Have you got anything with you?” Kerry asked wanting to know what he expected of the night, “only three” he said “do you expect more then?” she replied. By now the lump was threatening to rip his pants apart so she undid his jeans and let them fall to the floor, he stepped out of them as Kerry took hold of his hand and headed for the bedroom. Clive took off his shirt and socks as Kerry slipped off her t-shirt and bra, “for an old lady you look really good” he joked, “it’s amazing what surgery can do kid, don’t spoil it.” He held her against him and they kissed again, this time Kerry felt the passion moving in her body but not in the usual places as Clive gently touched her breasts and nipples, she noticed they had hardened. What was going through her mind was very confusing but her body kept asking for more and Clive definitely wanted more. Kerry grabbed one of the condoms and rolled it onto him, Paul would have felt very insecure seeing Clive standing there but Kerry just kissed him as she helped him move. Standing there in the bedroom it took very little time to bring Clive to the point of no return, his pounding hips made it very clear what he would rather do to her body. He pulled her closer and then just froze as he came, Kerry felt the surge running through her hand and knew that in 15 seconds he would be putty in her hand.

Kerry was laying on the bed as Clive returned from the bathroom, he jumped into bed and lay next to her, “how was that, good enough for tonight?” she teased him. He kissed her again and played with her nipples, “enough, they are too sensitive now” she told him, surprised at how they had changed in the last eight months. He lay there stroking her belly and playing with her hair, Kerry had so many feelings but she had just enjoyed being wanted.

As they lay there it was Kerry that started the next move, Clive was already getting hard as she kissed his chest and belly, she knew just where to push the buttons and made sure he was pushed. The second condom was opened and rolled out for duty, Clive had never used more than one in any night, actually he hadn’t been able to use any for a long time. Kerry kissed and sucked his nipples until he was arching his back, she pressed the buttons and he exploded again, this time the condom burst and it went all over the sheet. Kerry just kissed him and held him as he lay there not trying to do anything else, “typical man, no thought of the woman's needs” she thought quite happy he didn’t. They lay like that for an hour before Kerry told him it was time to go home, “why can’t I stay here?’ he asked, “cos I have friends coming around at nine to help me with the housework and you are too young for their eyes” she said firmly.

Clive cleaned up and got dressed, Kerry slipped on her nightie and saw him to the door, “what about the dishes?’ he asked, “I have a dish washer and it has already finished an hour ago, go home” she said kissing him again. As Clive drove off Kerry knew that she had crossed a line tonight, she had no doubts about the transition or the final result she wanted to be a real woman. The bedroom looked like a bomb had gone off, she pulled up the quilt and snuggled under and fell asleep, making love was hard for a woman like Kerry.

The sun streamed through the lounge curtains and promised to make it a lovely day as Kerry walked out to the kitchen and breakfast. Her mobile beeped to let her know she had missed a message from Jo, no doubt wanting to know the details of her first date as Kerry. “OK you can come over if you want, I’ll make breakfast for us both” she told Jo who only lived a few kilometers away. Before the kettle boiled Jo was in the driveway and heading for the door.

“Well, tell me what happened after we left” she said pulling up a chair. “What do you mean?” Kerry said playing coy with her, “you know, I saw the look on your face when we surprised you kissing him, or was that eating him” Jo said. “A good girl never tells is what I was told” said Kerry, “yes, but you were not good last night were you?” asked Jo. Kerry smiled and blushed “Clive would have to tell you how good I was, but it was fun, I knew exactly what he wanted” she said. “I am not surprised at that but what about you, what did you get out of it?” asked Jo. Kerry laughed and said something about how hard her nipples felt and the warm sensations in unusual places and not needing to have any more yet.

Jo stayed while Kerry cleaned up the house and the bedroom, “I see stains on the sheets, it must have been good for Clive” Jo said laughing at Kerry’s blushing face. “I need to do some shopping do you want to come with me?” asked Kerry “I need fruit and veg and some more meat.” Kerry raced through the shower and makeup and put on her jeans, boots and her little tank top and jewelry. “Is that what you shop in?” asked Jo “and what will you get offered?” Kerry looked at her image in the mirror and wondered what it would be today, “who knows it may be worth bringing home, let's go” she said grabbing her keys and shopping bags.

Jo had started to see another side of Kerry and could see the changes happening very quickly, sometimes she thought it may be too quickly. Kerry drove her car into the car park and chose a space away from the main area so she could walk past all of the outside shops. Kerry stuck her head into Jill’s shop and said hello, “next Thursday Ok Jill?” asked Kerry “only if we do drinks afterwards dear” said Jill. “Done, I’ll see you at six then, bye” said Kerry waving as she left the shop. “You are becoming quite the social butterfly aren’t you” said Jo, “I do have a few years to catch up on” replied Kerry. They walked around the fruit market and Kerry filled her bags at the usual stall, same fruit and the same chat up lines. Meat and more flirting lines from both of them, Jo was beginning to feel sick at the way Kerry enjoyed herself and said so. “I’ve seen you get close with Tom and didn’t care who saw you, so keep quiet” said Kerry but thought she should tone it down a little.

Jo called time out for a coffee break so they found a table and ordered a drink. Kerry was beginning to enjoy having Jo as a friend and she thought the age difference was almost insignificant. Kerry drank her coffee as Jo played with hers, “just be careful, you don’t want a bad name around work” said Jo. Kerry understood but hadn’t thought it would apply to her until last night, it was as if she went from 12 to 22 in one week. Kerry stopped drinking and looked at Jo.

“I have no idea what is happening to me Jo, my mind is racing all over the place. Poor Clive nearly got raped last night I was so stirred up” she said, “I thought something had moved quickly from the look on his face” said Jo. "They told me that 'transition' was the name of the game as well as the task and it seems that change is happening in too many areas of my life and too quickly, what do I do?" Kerry asked. Jo had no real advice as the whole scene was outside of her experience so she just talked about going slowly and not jumping everyone in pants. Kerry also told Jo about missing out on her bra fitting experience last Friday so Jo offered to go with her if she felt good enough. “I feel fine physically just a little emotional now” Kerry told her, “good you probably need a good dose of therapy” said Jo standing up to go.

They walked to the car and Jo wanted to know if Kerry had a preference for where to get fitted, “I’ve never done this before so you choose for me” Kerry asked. They drove back to the unit, unloaded the groceries and then on to one of the larger shopping centres and parked the car, “I like to shop at DJ’s they always do a good job” said Jo heading for the mall entrance. The girls walked through the mall and Kerry pointed out a shop that had formal wear and let Jo know she wanted to come back there. They entered DJ’s and walked around to the bra section, the range was good but not as risqué as the lingerie shop Kerry normally used.

“I’m beginning to feel old, are you sure they are good” asked Kerry just as the assistant, Donna, came over to them. Jo told her that Kerry needed fitting properly as her breasts had increased suddenly and no they wouldn’t change any more if she understood. Donna looked at Kerry well more like looked at her chest and then her face, “What style are you thinking of, daywear, sports, night time?” she asked Kerry who thought a bra was a bra. “I probably need a selection of each type, since my change” she suggested without saying what the change was. Donna took Kerry into a special fitting area and got her to remove her top so she could see her current bra and make the correct measurements. She was very professional and never asked about the sudden change but assumed it was just implants.

"You are very well shaped and a good support bra should help you stay that way” she concluded. “Good, I would hate to have to spend another five grand” said Kerry trying to relax by joking around. “Well it was well spent” said Donna, “I can only just see the scars and I know where to look.” Kerry tried on several styles and any of them would have been good for her so she chose about six pairs including a good sports bra for the bike. The classic silk and lace ones in black and white as well as a couple of pairs of skin tone sweater bra’s for under see through tops and a very nice push up bra. The sale pricing brought the whole lot to just under two hundred dollars and Kerry realized that comfort only came at a cost, light and skimpy is fine for younger thinner girls with no more than a C cup.

Jo and Kerry walked around the mall until Kerry found the formal shop, “I just want to look inside, I am not going to buy anything” she tried to tell Jo. “Sure, you won’t buy anything at all” laughed Jo and Kerry was already inside looking at a red long strapless gown with a long slit up the back. “You would look enchanting in that with your auburn hair” said the sales person, closing in quickly for a sale. “Where do you plan on wearing it” asked Jo “and with who or is that a silly question?” Kerry ignored her and held the dress up against her body, “what do you think, belle of the ball?” asked Kerry. She put the gown back and told the assistant that she just wanted to look, and look she did at several very nice gowns and outfits that she would have loved to own. Kerry tried a couple on but came back to her first choice, back at DJ’s she had swapped her old bra for the new push up one she had just purchased and made a stunning impact in the shop. The boots she had on did not do justice but the gown was long enough to be hidden from view.

“Can you hold this for me, I’ll be back in around thirty minutes?’ Kerry asked the assistant, “it will be out the back until we close dear” she said thinking that Kerry would not return. Kerry left the shop and walked down to the shoe shop, she found a pair of four inch heels in silver with rhinestones on the straps. A few minutes later she was back in the formal shop with her new shoes and asked for her gown again, the assistant was surprised that she came back as several people ran when they saw the prices. Kerry went into the change rooms and swapped her jeans and boots for gown and new shoes, “the princess is only lacking the tiara” she thought. Leaving the shop with her new gown, shoes, bra’s and a lighter credit card made her feel much better.

Jo enjoyed shopping with Kerry but wondered where the money came from, she knew nothing about the legal settlement since that was covered by a confidentiality clause. “What are you doing tonight?” Kerry asked Jo, “nothing special, what did you have in mind?” asked Jo suspecting that Kerry would want to try her new gown out. “I would like to go to the ballet or somewhere that I can show off my new clothes” she said, “don’t you mean your new figure?” joked Jo. “Alright but I want to go out with the girls tonight” she sulked. Jo sat down at a café and told Kerry to order a drink for her. Jo made a few phones calls and then waited for Kerry to return, “what have you planned?” Kerry asked as the mobile rang. Jo talked in short words that made no sense to Kerry, as she finished the call it beeped again with an SMS then another one. Jo made one more call and simply said “that will be for five OK, fine I’ll see you at seven, bye” she said hanging up. Jo flicked SMS’s out and then turned for her drink, “all done, we are going out tonight, your only job is to get ready.”

It was now just after one so they had five hours to spare, “Lets see if Jill can fit us both in this afternoon, my shout” said Kerry and speed dialed Jill’s salon. Kerry asked for Jill and told her all about the new gown and how she would really appreciate it if she could get two appointments for the lot. “Thanks dear and I will still come for drinks on Thursday, promise, bye” said Kerry folding her phone and putting it into her handbag. “We now have only two hours to spare until three o’clock when Jill can handle both of us, she normally closes at three but will call in a favor just for me” Kerry said. “Lets have lunch and then I want one more thing” she said going to the counter, “what do you want, my shout?” she told Jo.

Two salads later and the girls were back walking around the mall, “I really need some ‘bling’ to go with the new gown” she told Jo. The national chain jewelry shops had some nice bits but not quite good enough for her liking, “where do you reckon I can get a nice necklace from?” she asked Jo. Jo turned her around and went to a very small jewelry store “check out this lot first” she said pointing to a very lightly stocked counter. The sales person came over and asked how he could help the ladies today, “we need to see some really nice bling, if you know what we mean” Jo told him. “Did madam have any price range in mind?” he asked, Kerry turned to him and said that “money was not the issue but look was everything” he relaxed and went for a tray of gold and diamonds chains. He had Kerry’s attention straight away, “now you are talking my language, keep talking” she told him.

Kerry sat down and let him put a beautiful heavy gold and diamond chain around her neck. It sat there sparkling as she moved, “it looks slightly lost by itself, don’t you think” she asked him. A second tray came out with a matching wrist chain, “very nice, but what about the cost” asked Jo, the salesman simply ignoring her and focused on Kerry the client. “You don’t need to worry Jo, I can afford it” Kerry told her, “these are very nice but I think I need more, do they have matching earrings or anything else?” Kerry asked the salesman who was getting rather excited at the opportunity of making bonus this week. He produced a pair of earrings and then a small delicate watch all in the same pattern, “they were made especially for a client that changed her mind about a month ago” he told Kerry.

The total cost was well over the daily EFTPOS limit so she had to use her credit card, and with the new twenty grand limit she had just made a significant dent in her available credit. Jo looked at her, as the items were each wrapped and put into a special bag complete with the special case they came in. Stepping outside Jo had to ask, “are you sure you can afford all of this, or shouldn’t I ask?” she said, Kerry just grabbed her by the arm and told her to stop worrying then stopped in the middle of the store entry.

“I am so sorry, Jo” she said grabbing her arm and turning back into the shop, “I’ve changed my mind, I need something for my friend as well” she said to the young salesman. Before Jo could complain Kerry had chosen a nice necklace and pair of earrings for Jo, “try these on and don’t look at the price” Kerry told her. Jo had to sneak a look at the price when Kerry was checking out another pair of earrings for herself, just then Kerry turned around, “what do you think, like them?” she asked Jo.

“I couldn’t take them, they cost too much” Jo told Kerry, “I said, do you like them not do you like the price” Kerry replied getting annoyed at Jo.

“Yes I love them, but look at the price” Jo said trying to argue with Kerry, “fine, we’ll take them please” Kerry told the salesman. Jo stood up and hugged Kerry, “I’m really glad Paul has left the scene, thank you so much” she said as the bag was handed to her and the credit card handed back to Kerry. Jo put her arm through Kerry’s and walked out of the mall.

“I gather something has happened financially for you” she said “Yes but I can’t talk about it, there is a confidentiality clause on it” Kerry told her.

By three o’clock they were sitting in the salon waiting for Jill to call them, “I have asked Karen to come and give me a hand again” said Jill. “Hi Karen, you did my nails and makeup a few months ago, how are you?” Kerry asked Karen as she introduced herself to Jo and Kerry, “of course I remember, how are you going?” Karen asked not expecting an answer. Jill had one of the junior girls start by washing their hair and then conditioning, then she trimmed Jo’s hair, while another girl did Kerry’s colouring, it was getting more auburn each month. Karen did their nails, this time Kerry had full acrylics like Jo’s, and then Jill and Karen did their makeup, all up it was nearly five before they got out of there.

Jo’s mobile had beeped several times during the visit and Kerry wondered what she was up to for their night’s entertainment. “I feel so pampered, thank you” said Jo as Kerry started the car and drove out of the car park to go home. They stopped at Jo’s place on the way to pick up her clothes and shoes, “are you going to tell me what we are doing tonight Jo?” asked Kerry as Jo chose a formal gown and shoes. “Not yet, just sit back and enjoy the night out with the girls, at least you won’t get into trouble” Jo told her.

When they got back to the unit Kerry put the kettle on and made some tea for herself and coffee for Jo, “you can use either bedroom to get changed in” Kerry told Jo. They sat and drank while they talked as time got closer for them to get ready, this was going to be a big night out and Kerry had no understanding of what was ahead for her.

Next time - Is Paul really dead and buried or should Jo watch her pretty steps?

Kerry and the girls go out, but what happens before then makes Kerry think about the future.
Jo becomes more than a colleague.

The time for getting dressed approached so just after six Kerry got up and went into the bedroom, she went to her lingerie drawer and pulled out her favorite corset, it was white silk with six garter straps and a lace to pull in the waistline. Kerry had just taken off her jeans and top when Jo came in and saw her holding the corset up “wow that’s really sexy looking but what’s it like to wear?” asked Jo. “It takes some getting used to but feels fantastically feminine” Kerry told her, “would you like to try one on, I have a spare one that should fit you?” asked Kerry.

Jo thought about it for a second or may be less “only if you are sure, what else do I need to wear with it?” she asked Kerry. “Absolutely nothing, I have the pants and stockings to go with it and your gown goes over the top”

Kerry was saying as Jo started stripping off her clothes, any thought of undressing in front of a male workmate didn’t come up, “this is like having an older sister and playing dress up” Jo told Kerry. “Great I love playing dress up but less of the old sister please” Kerry said happy to have found a friend like Jo. Kerry handed Jo a pair of royal blue silk knickers and told her to put them on and take her bra off, Jo did it in her own order and stood there naked as Kerry returned with the dark blue corset. Jo let out a squeal as she saw the corset “that is so sexy how come you have all the nice things” she said as she took hold of the corset not concerned that she had nothing on.

“Jo, Paul may be dead but he’s not buried yet, could you at least put your pants on” Kerry asked politely, “why, does my body do things for you?” Jo teased. Jo stepped up to Kerry and went to put her arms around her neck, “Jo, please don’t” Kerry asked very seriously. Jo saw that she had just stepped over the line and backed up quickly “sorry I shouldn’t have done that to you” Jo said and grabbed the pants. Kerry handed her the corset and told her to put it around her body but just below her bust, then turn around so Kerry could lace it up. The mood had changed significantly between them and Jo felt bad teasing Kerry after she had been so kind to her.

“Can we stop for a minute, I need to make this right” Jo said “I was stupid and you have been so good to me, can you forgive me?” Jo asked. Kerry saw Jo’s eyes getting wet, she hugged Jo and let her stand there until she stopped crying then wiped her eyes for her, “don’t be silly, now you are being more like a sister” said Kerry.

“Sometimes I just don’t know when to stop though, so you’ll have to tell me when I get silly OK?” said Jo, “deal, now lets get some clothes on you, sis” said Kerry. Kerry laced up the corset and told Jo to breath in as the lace was tightened, it took the smile off her face as Kerry pulled it tight then did the entire run again even tighter. “Now take little shallow breaths and it will get easier” Kerry told her seeing the look of pain on Jo’s face. Jo looked into the mirror and saw the effect it had on her waistline, “wow, look at my shape” she said “I wish it was that easy every day without the pain.”

Kerry slipped off her bra and stepped into her corset, she lifted her new pert breasts into the open cups where they sat and rested with the nipples pointing through the silk edging. Kerry started to do the lacing herself, “hang on why should you get out without any pain” Jo said and reached for the lace, she untied the lace and then started at the top and made it tight. A second run and Jo was amazed that Kerry had no trouble with the tightness, “how often do you wear this?” Jo asked, “almost every time I go out somewhere special” Kerry said.

Kerry handed Jo a pair of grey silk topped stockings with seams up the back and told her how to pull them up, she sat on the bed rolled them up and pulled them up her legs. “Let me clip them on for you” Kerry said bending down, Jo felt her hands touch the inside of her legs and hold the stockings as she clipped on the clasps. Without thinking, Kerry smoothed out the stockings by running her hands upwards, and then did the second leg. Jo was trying really hard not to react and upset Kerry again but she couldn’t help, “If you do that again I will attack you even if Paul is dead.” “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do anything, really” said Kerry looking up at Jo’s face as she finished.

“There you are and the best part is no one will know unless you tell them.” Kerry picked up a pair of white silk stockings with small rhinestones on the ankle and an embossed pattern up the leg, she rolled them up and gently pulled them up her legs. “My turn, let me clip you up” Jo said and bent down to take the clasps, Jo ran her hand up Kerry’s leg and smoothed them out before clipping each clasp one at a time. She moved to the second leg and saw Kerry shudder as she smoothed out the top of the stockings and clipped up the clasps.

When she stood up they were face to face each wearing corsets and stockings, Kerry just a few inches taller but they both looked every part like women set on having a good night out. Kerry leaned forward as Jo came up and bent her head to kiss Jo, “are you sure you want to do this?” Jo asked. Too late, Kerry quickly kissed her and then turned and walked away, “I guess not, just paying you back little one” Kerry said.

Just before seven they were both dressed in their gowns, new bling, new shoes and standing in the lounge having a drink waiting for the other girls to arrive, the limo pulled up right on seven. “Ok girl lets go, this is one night you are going to enjoy” said Jo grabbing her bag, Kerry picked up her clutch purse and locked the unit. The limo had Sue and Gwen from work as well as Jill from the salon sitting inside, Tanya couldn’t make it but Jill said she would love to come along when we had our hair done.

“How did you organize the car so quickly?” asked Kerry, “My brother is the driver for the company and had jobs booked for six and one at eight so lets get moving” said Gwen. “We are taking you to the Old Her Majesty Theatre to see ‘Annie Get Your Gun’ and we can sing along” said Sue. Sue had found a gala night with spare tickets, Gwen had tracked down a car and a place to eat, Jill brought along the drinks and Jo had organized it all by SMS from her mobile.

“Look at you, I love the bling” said Sue talking to Kerry, “and you have on your finest as well dear” she said to Jo. The two girls just looked at each other and smiled, Jo felt like she was being pampered by Kerry her oldest sister. “You will never guess what we both have on?” said Jo, “so much for not telling anyone big mouth” chipped in Kerry. “Give up, OK I’ll tell you” Jo said not giving them any time to think, “Kerry leant me one of her corsets and stockings just for the night.” “I thought you had lost a bit of your weight” chuckled Gwen, “you really should try one on, it’s so sexy it may even help your sex life Gwen” she threw back at Gwen. “Okay kittens here’s to a good night out” Sue said handing out the glasses of champagne, “to sisterhood” said Jo and they tapped their glasses.

The Limo took off and headed along the river and up into Kings Park, the traditional Limo path to anywhere, Darryl stopped the car and the girls poured out with glasses in hand to look at the lights of the city. While it was only seven at night it was already getting dark since daylight saving had not been a part of life in the city, something about “WA standing for Waiting Awhile.” They stood there in all of their finery, Kerry and Jo stood at one end and Jo slipped her arm through Kerry’s “thank you for all you did today, I love the jewels” and gave her a little kiss on the cheek.

Darryl called them back inside, he had a timetable to meet and they were just out for fun, the car was so big they could have fitted another three people inside with no trouble. The car slowly drove around the edge of the park as other cars made their way in, the annual school ball season was in full flight and young girls in pretty gowns were everywhere. Sue had chosen the performance and loved the idea of getting all dressed up for the show at the theatre as it had so much style about it and being dropped off at the door would be so cool. The Limo approached the theatre and Darryl slowed down as a line of cars were pulling up at the doors.

“When we get there don’t all jump out, let me open the door for you and try to be ladies” he said. “I’ve been trying to be a lady for forty years, and I’m still trying” said Kerry, the girls laughed but Darryl didn’t have the faintest idea what the joke was. He stopped the car right out front and put his cap on properly as he walked around to the passenger side door, “Ladies, have a great night and I will be back thirty minutes after you call me.” They slid across the leather seats and one by one they emerged into the well lit foyer of the theatre, Kerry followed up at the rear as Darryl drove away for his next booking. Sue produced her ID and came back with the tickets.

“Lets enjoy a cocktail before the show, we have about twenty five minutes. They sat in the cocktail lounge and slowly drank the variety of drinks, which they shared with each other, Jo told them about the shopping, Kerry’s “retail genes” and the makeover at Jill’s place, they chatted about work and kids, lovers and “the change” until the bell rang for five minutes.

The show was fantastic, the audience was told to sing along if they knew the words and from the sound of it many only thought they knew the words. The costumes looked very good and the square dance scene gave Sue another idea for a night out, at intermission some of the girls went off to the ladies room while Kerry enjoyed looking around the theatre. The building was early 1900’s and as she walked around with a glass of wine in her hands she could imagine the beauty of the era, the long ball gowns, the gloves and tiny figures.

She was in a photo display area when a gentleman came up and asked her how she liked the display, “It must have been grand to live in the early years, the beauty and all” she said. “I am sure you would have fitted in very well, by the way, my name is Malcolm I prepared many of the photos you can see” he said in a very charming manner. They talked for a few minutes and then he moved on to other guests, “who was that?” asked Sue as she found Kerry. “Just a nice person that was talking about the photo display” Kerry told her, “and no I wasn’t chatting him up.” The bell rang and they found their seats for the second half. The audience enjoyed the second half just as much and when the curtain came down they shouted for more, they did just two more songs and then called it a night, they had just done two full shows today as well as rehearsals.

As they left the theatre Kerry told them “I am hungry and need some food” although it was nearly ten the theatre was only a short walk away from to a good restaurant and Gwen had made bookings for their after cinema session. They walked along the road, crossed over and walked up the side street until they found the place, it had people everywhere but more were leaving than entering. The waiter checked his bookings sheet and raced off to clear the table, he returned promptly then escorted them to a table that was near the large open glass windows. Menus and water bottles came out as did the wine list and small bread rolls and butter, Gwen gabbed hers as soon as it hit the plate.

“Would madam like a second one?” asked the waiter, “sorry I have been drinking and if I don’t get some food into me I’ll make a fool of myself” Gwen told him, “we wouldn’t like to see madam make a fool of herself would we” he said smiling at her and putting another roll on her plate. They ordered food and more wine, Kerry sat there enjoying having the girls as friends and being able to relax with them all.

Over the two months none of them had made a single negative comment about her changes, she wondered what they really thought. Jo proposed a toast “to the new sister in the office, Kerry” and they all lifted their glasses towards her, Kerry sat and looked at each of them, they had all added to her life in some way, Jill worked with her appearance, Gwen with mature advice, Sue with clothes tips and mostly Jo by just being Jo and making things so much fun. “Thank you girls, I really love having so many sisters looking after me” she told them as her eyes got wet “don’t start that again, you know how it upsets makeup and Jill will get mad” Jo told her.

The food came out and the night wore on, Kerry still watched her weight while some of the others just cleared everything on the plates. Around eleven Gwen called Darryl and arranged to be picked up out front, he arrived close to eleven thirty and parked outside the entrance waiting for the girls. Kerry and Sue had gone to look after the bill but Kerry just told her to leave it to her as she had enjoyed the night so much.

“You can’t afford to pay for all of this, you’ve just got divorced” Sue said and then realized what she had said. “I’m so sorry Kerry I didn’t mean it like that” Sue said trying to explain, but digging a bigger hole, “use my credit card please” Kerry told the cashier. The others had got into the car and were waiting for them but Sue needed to sort out her mistake, “I know you didn’t mean it like that Sue” Kerry said “I just don’t want to see you get hurt any more” Sue said and went to hug Kerry. “Why don’t you come over for brunch in the morning and we can talk” Kerry offered and Sue accepted.

The Limo drove back and dropped Jo and Kerry off first then the others, Kerry blew kisses at them and helped Jo walk inside the unit. Jo collapsed on the couch as Kerry locked the doors, “you are not going anywhere young lady and if you are sick you can clean it up, I’ll be your older sister but I’m sure not going to be your mother” Kerry joked.

Somehow Jo got undressed and cleaned her face before crashing into the bed, Kerry went around and put her clothes in a neat pile, took back the corset and stockings cleaned her own face and hung up her new gown then climbed into bed next to Jo. It must have been lawnmowers or kids that finally woke her up, Jo stirred and rolled on her side to talk to Kerry who was sitting in bed with a glass of juice and a cup of tea reading a book.

“I never thought I would end up in bed with you when we met two years ago” Jo laughed, “and it definitely wasn’t on my agenda either” said Kerry. “Did you enjoy the night out I planned for you?” Jo asked Kerry, “loved it, every single bit of it, thanks sis” Kerry relied. “You seem to really enjoy calling me your little sister” Jo said wondering what was going on in Kerry’s head. “I do, and I can’t say why, I have a younger sister and we get on well but it is different with you, you make me feel alive” Kerry tried to say but found the words getting tangled. “What I mean is, you are fun to be with and make me feel so safe as well, like a good sister should” Kerry said happy to get her thoughts out. Jo moved over close to Kerry, “don’t start any more silly stuff either or I’ll throw you out without your clothes” Kerry said putting down her juice.

Jo tickled her and Kerry retaliated, soon the bedroom was a mess and the two girls lay on the bed laughing, a pillow had burst and foam had gone everywhere. It must have been residual behavior but Kerry found herself with an arm wrapped around Jo’s shoulder and Jo snuggled into her. The door bell rang and Kerry suddenly remembered what she had told Sue.

“Shit, It’s Sue come around for brunch” she said standing up and grabbing her silk dressing gown, “there’s another in my wardrobe for you” she said closing the bedroom door behind her. Sue came in and saw Kerry without much makeup on or her hair brushed, in fact it was very messy for someone that always looked so good at work. Sue had just put down her bag as Jo stepped out of the bedroom, “sorry, have I interrupted anything?” she asked slightly confused, “yes you did, have a look at Kerry’s messy room” Jo said choosing the path of least risk. Jo told her about the pillow fight and Kerry’s need for sisters that can fight back, Sue seemed to be happy with that story and chose to leave the single bedroom out of the equation.

Kerry made a quick check of the pantry for breakfast items, “Jo, go have your shower and you can clean up that mess please” she said sounding more like her mother. “Yes mum” Jo said and vanished into the bedroom, “are you sure you want me to stay?” asked Sue, “of course, I need to talk to you and Jo will be fine as long as I feed her” Kerry said going back to the cupboard for more things. Since the day Janet stayed over and Kerry had nothing for her to eat, Kerry had made sure there were always extras in the unit for friends that just drop in. Jo was in the shower and they could hear her singing.

“She sounds happy today what’s going on?” asked Sue, “absolutely nothing, I have just found a little sister that is fun to be with and I enjoy looking after her” Kerry said. “Now what is on your mind middle sister?” asked Kerry, Sue talked about seeing the changes in Kerry’s life and wanted to make sure she was managing financially and emotionally after the divorce. Kerry thought for a moment and then headed for the bedroom, she retuned wearing the necklace, earrings and the watch.

“I wouldn’t normally do this, but you saw me wearing these last night, I bought them during the day with Jo, remember?” she asked Sue. “You can’t tell anyone but how much do you think they cost and before you upset me look very closely at the real diamonds?” Kerry asked her, “I have no clue but since they are real diamonds and not CZ’s then I have to assume at least two grand” Sue said.

“Sue, you need to buy some nice jewelry for yourself as well” Kerry told her. “They were close to ten grand and if you say anything I’ll never talk to you again” Kerry said chuckling to herself. “Now, think about what I just said and ask yourself do I know something that you don’t?” Kerry asked her, “I have no money problems at all and I loved shopping yesterday, questions answered?”

Jo had finished in the shower and came out wearing her shorts and top with her necklace on as well, Sue saw the chain and looked at Kerry. “What would you like for breakfast Sue, pancakes, French toast or a nice big greasy fry up?” Kerry asked pushing along the conversation, “sorry no greasy anything in this house.” Jo went out to the back to dispose of the pillow foam.

“No, they were nothing like mine cost so don’t worry but she still loves them” Kerry told Sue to put her mind at rest. “No wonder she likes having you as her big sister” said Sue rather surprised at the cost still. Jo came back in and asked about French toast and what it contained, “eggs, milk, vanilla and you can have it with ice cream or berries or both if you have the space after last night” Kerry told her. “Sound’s fantastic, yes please” said Jo, “I bought a large uncut loaf yesterday as I thought you may end up staying overnight” Kerry said pulling it from the pantry.

Sue was told to crack the eggs into a bowl add the milk and whisk, while Jo cut large slices of bread and Kerry took some frozen berries from the freezer. Kerry found the vanilla pod, cut it open and extracted the small seeds, the eggs, milk and vanilla got blended until Kerry was happy then poured it into a large flat baking tray and let the bread soak in the mixture. The frying pan was hot and lightly oiled ready for the bread and mixture, the end result was served with berries and ice cream and a sifting of icing sugar for effect, “you can cook for me anytime” Sue told Kerry. They sat outside and ate the breakfast then polished off juice and coffee as the sun started to warm up.

“Did you have any plans for today or are you just going to sit around all day?” asked Sue, “well I have no plans but sitting around doesn’t sound too bad to me” replied Jo. “I have sat around for the last ten days waiting for the pain to stop and the bruising to vanish, so what are you thinking about Sue?” asked Kerry.

An hour later and the three girls were heading out to the Swan Valley wine district with a picnic hamper and plans to visit a few wineries. Sue used the map book and directed Kerry to one of the major wineries, Sandalfords where they tasted the local drop, several times. The tourist drive took them through the town and by two o’clock they had arrived at Houghtons, the winery had specials at the cellar door so between them they bought twelve bottles of Chenin Blanc and Cab Sav. The winery grounds were great and Kerry pulled out the picnic hamper and blanket, she laid out the food and bread. The three of them sat on the lawn and ate their lunch while the kids ran around playing cricket and parents drank some of the wine they had just bought.

“You know I am really enjoying our time together we should do this more often” Kerry told them both. The rest of the afternoon they talked and relaxed in the sunny picnic grounds until it was closing time then drove carefully home. When they had unpacked the car and put away the picnic set Sue said goodbye and left just Jo and Kerry sitting in the kitchen. “Jo, I’ve had so much fun this weekend thanks to you, first with Clive, then shopping and the theatre and today” Kerry said and hugged Jo. “You have given me something I have never had, a sister to play with, shop with and even tease, I should be thanking you” Jo told Kerry. As Jo went home Kerry knew she had not only crossed a line but had just changed the shape of her future.

Kerry returned to work the next day and after a week off she had to catch up with the state of all of her sales ready for the sales team meeting on Monday afternoon. The sales pipeline was looking very healthy and if it all came together the teams of implementers and trainers would have their work cut out for them over the next nine months. Bill had to catch up with Kerry for their weekly meeting and also to make sure she was ready for work after the surgery so he asked her to lunch on Tuesday at his now favorite place. Working the full day left Kerry drained but happy to be back at work among the buzz of the office rather than sitting at home waiting for something to happen. Dinner on Monday was a throw together followed by Kerry crashing into bed shortly afterwards.

Lunch with Bill started off as normal, they ordered a quick salad and a drink then Bill asked for her general impressions of how her transition was progressing. Bill then asked about her surgery, “are you OK to be working full time this week or do you need some more rest?” “if I had to stay at home another day I would have gone mad, but thanks for asking.” It had been only a month since the start of her RLT but already Kerry had broken some major hurdles that other T-Girls had taken a lot of effort to get over. The entire team had been supportive of Kerry or at least silent on the matter, she was being naíve to think that she had total acceptance of her transition. The way the company had outlined its policies and acceptance of Kerry had really helped and the encouraged lunches also helped breakdown the barriers quicker but it was mainly the way that Kerry and the girls got on that seemed to make the rough road much smoother. The surgery was eleven months off and several other things had to be cleared before the go ahead was given.

Kerry got home after work one day to find a note pinned on her door, “please call me at home, Sam,” and gave the phone number but no other details. Kerry was cautious about just ringing someone out of the blue until she remembered that the previous owner of the unit was called Sam and found the paperwork to confirm the phone number. The two units next to Kerry were going to be put on the market at the same price that Kerry had paid and Sam wanted to know if she wanted to buy one for investment purposes. Sam told her that one of the tenants had finished their lease and he was thinking of selling them quickly to give him some cash flow to buy another much larger group of units.

“Why don’t you come around after work with the keys and let me check them out, I may be interested in both units” Kerry told him. The next day Sam turned up promptly at five thirty as Kerry pulled her Subaru into the drive.

“Hi, my names Sam” he said holding out his hand “I finally get to meet you” Sam’s eyes doing the visual checkout of her body as Kerry unlocked her unit. Kerry had only dealt with the agents for both the rental and sale of her unit, Sam had no memory of Paul ever renting the unit from him and would have been slower to flirt if he had known. Sam showed Kerry the ground floor unit with its layout being a mirror image of hers, the upper unit was same layout but two balconies, front and back rather than a garden. They needed painting and the floor coverings would need replacing but the kitchen and bathroom was much better than hers, the only real negative was the view from the ground floor unit being limited to the park and not the river. Kerry checked to see if they could have seen her on the patio when she had been relaxing or working out. Kerry stood at the balcony and looked out to the river, this would have been a much better unit if the trees had not been planted so close to the property line.

“Sam, lets get straight down to the dealing, how much do you want for both units as is no painting or any refurbishments?” Sam was surprised that she wanted both and had to think quickly about the answer “I guess that’s just the cost of each unit added up?” Sam said seeing if he could get away with it.

“Sam, I am talking quick sale, one transaction and no conditions like finance approval so how about 450 grand for the pair?” Kerry asked him knowing that was 50 grand below his asking price. “Do you mean a cash sale or do you have finance approved already?” Sam probed to see how serious her offer was, “I have most of the cash and the small extra has already been approved as personal loan if the price doesn’t go any higher” Kerry said setting the boundaries for negotiating. “I was looking for at least 480” Sam said looking at Kerry for response, “How about 460?” asked Kerry “475 is the lowest I can go” said Sam, “OK my highest offer is 470 and two weeks settlement?”

Sam held out his hand to shake “deal, crikey you have more balls than most of the men I have to deal with” Kerry looked at him “done deal I’ll get my lawyer to get the details from your settlement agent and arrange payment, and trust me I have less balls than any guy you ever dealt with” Sam laughed at her comment.

The finance was for 60% of the unit cost and the rest was cash from the legal settlement, this would give Kerry a source of income that could be negatively geared and reduce her tax while allowing her to have secured income within two years given the rate of rent increase in the city area. The car was not going to be purchased and it still left a reasonable amount in the bank as her weekly spending was far less than she had budgeted for.

A month later and the divorce was finalized through the courts, the paper arrived the day after and both Janet and Paul reacted to the finality of what they had done, or should it be, what Paul had done as Janet had very little choice in the matter and she expressed that opinion on the day before “D Day”. The pain felt by Paul was more at the loosing of a wife and a friend and the upset caused to his children but this was being offset by the hope for a future that he never thought could exist. Janet on the other hand could only see pain and loss of so many more things with little hope for a future without Paul, but then Kerry was always available as long as Janet behaved herself and didn’t try to bring hurt to Paul.

Several times during the last month Kerry sent emails to Janet talking about the future and hoping that Janet would take up the offer of shopping one weekend and even the pictures or dinner either with Kerry or the other girls in a group night out. Jo arranged a drinks night and sent Janet an invite but found her response to be very short, Kerry had hoped for better but under the circumstances it was probably expected. Kerry invited Janet for tea one night after work and although Janet had accepted without any problems she later cancelled due to “too much work to do” or so Janet said.

Next time - Kerry thinks first, then acts on her future.

A week after D day found Kerry sitting in her study again looking out of the window thinking about the future, she wanted to be more than just a salesperson for Bill’s company but lacked formal qualifications in any area apart from Engineering. The one thing she needed to secure was employment for the next ten months then two months off for surgery and recovery, Bill had given her an undertaking that her job would be safe as long as the sales kept going up and the business could sustain two sales people. Her doubt was due to cycles in the marketplace that meant a company had to constantly keep looking for more market groups and then come to terms with that group and their direct needs. Marketing in general was one thing that Kerry loved but had limited knowledge of the technical side of marketing and targeting a demographic with real success.

It was during one of her weekly management team sessions that she expressed her thoughts and asked Bill for input, “you could always go back to University and do a post grad course” he replied. It was almost like having a flood light turned towards her, “duh, why didn’t I see that” she mumbled while her head was already thinking of which URL to type or which of the five universities in her state that she would prefer. Bill had to snap her out of her dreaming before continuing “and of cause there is study leave for some of the time as long as figures don’t slip.”

And so it started, a quick search of the sites found a self paced study option that drew on several other Degree courses for modules and intensives but built on a theoretical project and a work based project that had to be implemented and reported on after six months. Study leave amounted to time off in lieu that had to be made up during the week, more like flexible hours than leave but Bill was keen to see what Kerry could come up with and told her to keep him informed about her work hours. The actual modules could be done in almost any order as long as the basics came first and this module had already started so Kerry had to cram two weeks of work into the first four days, hard work and little sleep but she caught up and actually enjoyed the pressure.

Attending lectures on campus was slightly unusual as the other students all wore jeans and t-shirts, i-pods stuck in their ears and seemed twenty years younger, actually it was more like thirty three years younger but Kerry was feeling young again. The tutorials got arranged at several times to allow for those in work placements and Kerry found early mornings much better for her timetable. The people seemed more mature in these groups as they talked about how they had already applied what they had learnt in their normal jobs. The tutorials resembled a sharing of experiential knowledge rather than a forced feeding of geese, something she found very helpful as practical application would help her understand quicker.

The timetable required some long assignments to be completed within the first six weeks with subject material being covered each week or gained from several large volumes on marketing, advertising and demographics. Her reading pile seemed to grow rather than shrink, Kerry had never been a quick reader and this subject was far from sci-fi or robotics that had been her reading style. The first assignment was only four thousand words but getting the format right and making sure the bibliography was correct seemed to take as long as the actual writing. Words kept being typed wrong and the grammar checker kept painting green everywhere but slowly she got it together and submitted to her lecturer about thirty minutes before the deadline.

For the first assignment she was rather happy with her effort but looking at the results a week later made her realize that far more would be needed, she had only got a pass grade with comments about needing to do much better if she wanted to achieve the best out of the course and the requirement to be more specific with examples.

Kerry decided to contact her tutorial group leader and asked about getting some advice on how to improve her work. Peter had done a double degree of Commerce and IT with a Masters in Marketing under his belt and was doing a post grad thesis on “Change in the Workplace” with this year’s spare time. Some would call him a perpetual student except he had already landed a very good job with the government and had offers from a number of interstate companies.

Kerry met him in the student lounge near the Marketing faculty, his warm smile and gentle handshake made her feel nervous being so close to him. They talked about her assignment and what was lacking from it in way of technical input and format, the words and how it went together. Peter turned around towards her and looked in her eyes and asked “I have to ask this, sorry but why are you doing this course?” Kerry stopped and just starred into his face blankly.

Shaking her head she mumbled out “to learn about marketing, why?” “it just seems to me that you have something else going on” Peter replied knowing that the words came out wrong.

“Let me rephrase that better, forget about the assignment and tell me about yourself, please” he asked looking at her with large brown eyes that seemed to almost beg.

Kerry thought about what to say for a minute then asked for clarification “do you mean my work my background, my future or who I really am?” He just sat there and looked at her face, he didn’t push or get nervous in her presence or the noise of the student lounge, he just seemed to be totally at ease, “who is Kerry?” he asked again. The famous words of Jack Nicholson rang through her head “you can’t handle the truth” but something about his eyes made her feel very safe so she started.

It must have been nearly two hours later that she finished talking about her life and her future, her hopes for surgery and full transition. Peter had asked several questions along the line, never to interrogate but more to lead her towards the full disclosure of details. He sat quietly for most of the time just listening and giving nods of understanding or acceptance of what was being said by Kerry as she unpacked her life in all of its gory details. He waited for Kerry to stop before suggesting that a drink may be in order, the student tavern was open 24x7 or so it seemed so they walked around and found a table outside under the shade while Peter ordered two glasses of white wine.

Kerry suddenly found herself feeling very exposed after saying too much to a perfect stranger, she was about to get up and leave as Peter returned with the drinks. Kerry stood up and turned to him “sorry I feel totally stupid after telling all of my crap to you, I should go” Peter grabbed her hand “please don’t feel like that, let me explain.” Kerry sat down and grabbed at her wine glass and took one big swig, again a sign of nerves, Peter jokingly said something about drinking like an Engineering student but Kerry was trying to compose herself.

Peter started to talk about his life and how he had done so much study and was so deeply involved at work that he found little time to socialize and Kerry had seemed so easy to talk with. The main reason for wanting to hear her story was that yes he had spotted some of the tell tales signs that Kerry still had but only because he knew about such matters, in fact he had done months of research on the entire transgender issue and the workplace. He was surprised how the company had taken on board the RLT without sacking her or reducing her to a lower paid job away from clients. His research was based on several legal cases from around the globe but had limited real input from Australia; Kerry was the first person he had been able to talk to while actually transitioning.

“By the way, your story is totally safe with me and it won’t affect anything that we have to do” Peter added hoping to reduce her fear of rejection or failure. Kerry wanted to know more about his thesis and where it would be published, mainly out of interest but also to decide if she wanted to be involved. Peter answered all of her questions and even talked about how the government wanted to use it as a basis for policy development within the equal employment opportunity framework.

As Kerry relaxed she saw the passion that Peter had for forming policy and making a difference through his work, his desire to give accurate information based on facts rather than hearsay. She understood more about him as the drinks went on, and when he suggested that it was time for some food it seemed natural to just accept the invitation. They chatted over dinner and a few more drinks as Peter asked plenty of open questions for Kerry to answer, the type that makes a person feel appreciated and listened to. By the end of the evening she had accepted an offer to help with the thesis as well as agreed to get a meeting with Bill so Peter could ask how he saw the whole subject.

Peter stood up and offered his hand to thank Kerry for being so open with her comments, she held his hand just a shade longer than normal and suggested “anytime you feel like dinner just call” not realizing that she was probably flirting with him. Peter looked at her and promised to do so, if Kerry had subsonic hearing she would have heard his heart racing and beating in his chest cavity. They each turned and walked in different directions one towards the staff parking and one towards the student area, Kerry never saw him turn and watch after her with those gorgeous brown eyes.

A couple of weeks after her first meeting with Peter he called Kerry and asked if she felt like going out for dinner, his treat. Kerry wondered why he was asking her out since he already knew who she was or more importantly what she wasn’t and it didn’t seem to make a difference to him. She accepted and suggested her favorite restaurant near the office, the same one that Bill and the staff used quite frequently since the service was both good and reasonably priced.

She arrived to find him standing at the front door for her, he had been waiting so that she didn’t have to enter by herself. The waiter greeted Kerry as a well known client should be and showed her to the best table in the room, dimly lit, away from the noise of the kitchen and music, privacy without being forgotten. The meal was superb as usual and over a couple of glasses of fine white they talked about university and the project but very quickly Peter turned it around to talking about Kerry and sat there listening to her just talk. Kerry caught herself smiling and starring into his gorgeous deep brown eyes that begged her to talk, he was so easy to get along with and she enjoyed just being there without any agenda.

Kerry finally got to ask an open question about his thesis and he was off talking about the research and how much she had helped him with her comments and the talk with Bill. Again she found herself just gazing into the depth of his eyes and wondering what he would be like. The evening finished with coffees and then a farewell in the car park, he asked permission to kiss her, very gallant and gentle so what could she do but accept and enjoy it. For no apparent reason this was the last time Peter called her, she called him and left messages but he always had too much work to do on his thesis and she started to wonder if she was part of his research work.

Work on the other hand was progressing well even if at times she had to work all weekend to get a project finished or complete sales preparations ready for the Monday meeting but all up she had a solid amount of work and study. When the end of first semester came around Kerry asked for a week off to catch her breath and maybe some sleep time as well, since it was also at the end of financial year the entire team had been working flat out with finalizing client sites ready for the start and now they would have some slack time. Jo had also asked about a week off and with Kerry had planned a few days down south at a winery and country farm stay, as far away from computers as possible but very close to some great wines and good food.

Jo and Kerry left work early on the Friday and hit the road around 2pm, Jo’s little car was zipping through traffic and found itself out on the main highway going along at 110km per hour with the radio blasting and the pair singing to the tunes. The B&B had offered a hot bubbly spa, wine and chocolate for the girls on arrival after a long day at work and travelling. Lunch had been missed and their stomachs were getting rather loud as they pulled into a service station for coffee and petrol, “let’s grab some wedges and chili” said Jo heading for the hot food stand. Kerry ordered coffees and wedges just for her little sister, while Jo turned around and selected a table out under the shade cloth but away from the wind.

Sitting there drinking her coffee Kerry turned to Jo “you know I’ve really missed our times together sis” “me too, I just love taking you shopping” Jo laughed. “Ok I know you love my money but I have missed having you around and making me laugh at the weekend and after work on Friday nights” Kerry repeated hoping to add impetus to her comments. Jo looked up at Kerry just as she wiped at her eyes to remove the tear.

Jo shifted around to the same side as Kerry and gave her a hug, “you could always adopt me then” she chuckled trying to lighten the atmosphere. Kerry would have done so straight away if she thought Jo had been serious, “well at least take me home” Jo said after Kerry had made no comment.

“Would you like to move in or are you just joking around?” asked Kerry without thinking, “not sure, would you set me a curfew and kick the boys out at ten o’clock?” Kerry bit into a wedge dipped in cream and chili, “could I keep you out of my lingerie drawer, I know how much you liked my corset last time you stayed over?” Jo smiled at her, “no need to, I bought my own just after the night out” Jo stuck her tongue out to Kerry. The wedges had all been eaten and the coffee had been drunk as they climbed back into the car for the final two hours of driving.

The farm stay was close enough to the main road and only a short drive to the town centre and plenty of cafes and food outlets. They had requested a double room with two beds but instead it came with a very large King sized bed and the extra large spa in the corner of the bathroom looking out towards the cows and sheep as they grazed in the green field. The candles had been placed around the spa and a bottle of wine in the chiller, chocolates sat on the bed along with scented bubble bath oils and soaps. A log fire was roaring in the hearth and the room was already quite toasty when they placed their bags into the wardrobe after unpacking. Kerry had brought a hamper of bread and cheeses with meats and olives for the lunch on Saturday so unloaded them into the mini bar fridge.

“This is so cosy I reckon we could just stay here for a week and get everything brought in for us” Jo suggested as Kerry pulled the toweling bath robes out of the wardrobe. “What about we eat the picnic tonight, have a spa and watch the movies on the box?” Kerry offered as she put the robes on the bed.

“Done, I’ll pour the water while you pour the wine” Jo said heading for the curtains and the spa taps. The room was getting warm but Kerry chose to put a few more logs on the fire before pouring two large glasses of wine and cutting up some cheese. The spa had a small table next to it for a wine chiller and towels, the plate sat on top of the towels resting gingerly atop the soft fluffy towels, Kerry hung the robes on the door hangers and latched the room front door.

Jo had already stripped to her pants by the time the bath had filled to the middle line and was ready to jump straight in, “don’t forget the bubbles sis” shouted Kerry from the kitchen. Kerry walked in a few seconds later carrying the glasses of wine and wearing just her pants, Jo was already in the spa and the bubbles were starting to grow wildly. Kerry climbed into the spa after putting the wine glasses on the table, she just slipped down into the water and felt the warmth encompass her body and mind. Jo had found a large sea sponge and proceeded to let water flow over her head as the spa jets pummeled her body, she needed this as well. They sat there for nearly twenty minutes just soaking before Kerry reached over and turned the bubbles off. Jo reached over and picked up both glasses.

“Cheers big sis” she said holding her glass up for Kerry to click, “cheers and here’s to a great long weekend.” The combination of hot water and wine went straight to Jo’s head making her feel light headed, “how about some cheese or meat before I start giggling?” Kerry handed her the small tray and they sat there eating cheese and drinking wine.

“Got to go somewhere” said Jo stepping out of the spa, it was only then that Kerry realized that her pants had not made it into the spa. “Jo, you know not to tease me like that” she said throwing the sponge at Jo as she headed to the toilet, “sorry sis, just close your eyes I’m coming back any second.” Jo jumped back into the spa and hit the button for the jets again to cover herself with more bubbles, “thanks for the warning Jo.”

The evening was very relaxed around the fire with the picnic hamper and more wine, the girls sat there in the bath robes and cushions on the rug talking about work and clothes. Kerry took another sip of wine and seemed lost in her thoughts as Jo stoked the fire and put another log on to keep the room nice and warm, the winter rain beat gently on the tin roof but inside they were safe and dry. Jo asked about a DVD for the TV, the choices were older and some classics the type that comes at $10 for ten movies at the cheap shop. Jo pulled out a black and white Hitchcock movie as being the best of the bunch, “at least the story line should be good for a rainy night like this.” Jo flicked on the TV and DVD player as Kerry moved the leftovers back to the fridge.

The complimentary chocolate was sitting on the bed ready to be eaten, “how about a hot chocolate drink with marshmallows?” silly question given the rain and the fire so she made two large mugs and sat down with the bag of fluffy white and pink marshmallows. “We could do with some toasting forks” said Jo looking around for something to use, the best they found was a few twigs in the wood pile but they only worked well for the first five minutes before they were consumed in the fire. The girls sat against the settee and drank their hot drinks and stuffed the fluffy balls of marshmallow into their mouths as the movie rolled along. Jo suddenly jumped as the main character was attacked from behind without warning; she buried her face into Kerry’s side.

“I know you need your big sister to protect you” chuckled Kerry putting her arm around Jo, and that’s where she stayed for the next hour safe and secure. The fire was starting to die as the final death blow came on the movie and the hero saved the day and the maiden, the music had risen to show the tension and then changed into gentle love sounds as they embraced then kissed gently as the scene dimmed, The End, and the credits rolled up the screen. Kerry leant forward and placed another log in the fire grate.

“That should keep it going for another hour or so” she said sitting back next to Jo. Jo snuggled back into her “place” just under Kerry’s arm “this is so good after all of the stress of the last few months” said Kerry but Jo was already half asleep and just stirred and snuggled in deeper. Kerry sat watching the fireplace, the embers slowly lifting up the column of heat towards the chimney stack, the glow of wood as it turned red then black. She wondered about Peter and why he had not returned her calls, was it that he knew she could not offer him anything and how did he really handle the fact of her being still physically male. Her mind mulled over the thoughts trapped between two worlds but desperately wishing for the next world, but that was at least another six months off.

The sun came up around seven in the morning but the chickens had been making calls since well before that time, the fireplace was cold and mugs and glasses lay around the floor. Laying in bed covered by the weight and warmth of the doona Kerry tried to grasp at the shadows of her thoughts that had flown around like the embers and ashes of last night's fire. Her gender issue and the future, her peace of mind and why Jo always wanted to snuggle into her side as Jo moved and buried her face into the warmth below the covers. Kerry slipped out of bed and wrapped her dressing gown around her body as she closed the bathroom door. Twenty minutes later she came back out showered shaved and wearing some makeup, her hair was now long enough to be tied into a pony tail and bobbed behind her as she walked.

Kerry opened the wardrobe and took out some clean underwear without thinking about Jo lying in the bed, her eyes now open and watching as Kerry pulled up the white silk pants to cover her “abnormality” as she had heard it referred to by other t-girls. The matching bra and camisole covered her hybrid body and outwardly there was very little difference apart from the shrunken penis and empty sack that were pushed and tucked away so neatly. Kerry looked in the mirror to check herself out for the day, a far cry from the day years ago when she stood before the mirror wearing black lingerie wondering if she should have been a girl from birth.

Jo sat up in bed “I can see what Peter would be interested in sis” she giggled, Kerry spun around “I hope you weren’t peeking all of the time” she asked while half knowing that she probably had been watching the whole time. “Don’t worry your secrets are safe with me, anyway who would believe me” Jo replied as she settled her pillows against the wall.

Kerry triggered the kettle for tea and poured some milk into two clean mugs, the breakfast would be ready from eight up in the main building so they had at least twenty minutes to get ready or as presentable as they needed on a farm stay. Sitting alongside Jo in bed Kerry talked about the features of the area and what Jo wanted to do with the next few days. Wine tasting would only take up a day at the most, Kerry still only drank small amounts of alcohol to stay trim, the chocolate factory and cheese makers in the area could supply refills for their picnic hamper along with the wine.

Jo sat up quickly noticing the time, “I have to get ready for breakfast we only have five minutes” she said jumping out of bed. Kerry just sat there, “we can go anytime between eight and nine thirty on weekends, this is a holiday farm not a prison farm.” Jo jumped back into bed and pulled up the doona again “well in that case what’s on tele?” Kerry gently pushed her “no Saturday cartoons for you, we didn’t pay all this money to sit and waste time in front of a goggle box.” In reality Jo hadn’t paid for any of the accommodation at all, Kerry said she would sort it out later which possibly meant never if the past was anything to go by.

“Lets do the wineries today and collect some nice things for the hamper again then go sightseeing tomorrow after a sleep in” suggested Kerry. “What about tea tonight, are we going out somewhere special or dining in?” asked Jo always thinking about food. Kerry picked up one of the obligatory “what to do now that you are here” folders from the bedside table and tossed it to Jo “you choose” she said getting out of bed. While Jo flicked through the folder Kerry tidied up the room collecting the dishes and empty wrappers from chocolate and sweets. Thirty minutes later Jo had scrubbed up nicely and was ready to eat a horse as she put it, not a difficult thing being on a farm.

The farm stay had eight chalets scattered around a courtyard area with a large central dining room and lounge for guests to use. The stables and farm building lay to one side away from the guests quarters but well within the overall facility. Tractors could be heard in the fields and puddles of water lay on the tarmac roadways after last night's downpour, more noise than soaking rain, the farmers would still be praying for rain to break the drought.

As Jo and Kerry walked into the dining room arm in arm they were greeted by the hosts who were serving behind a bain-marie filled with bacon eggs and lots of greasy comfort food. The pot of simmering porridge was being attacked by a couple of kids intent on making a mess, the sugar and honey spilling onto the counter as they returned to their parents oblivious of the mess left behind.

“Did you sleep well last night dear?” asked the hostess, “really well thank you, the rain effect drumming on the tin roof was fantastically soothing” she replied.

“Did your partner sleep ok?” she asked referring to Jo, Kerry shook her head “sorry my adopted little sister could sleep anywhere as long as I fed her.” Kerry had not realized the connotation of two women sharing a double bed, even if she had requested two singles, but made sure there was no doubt in her comments after that.

Jo dug into porridge and brown sugar then bacon and eggs followed by a Danish Pastry and after all that she washed it down with more coffee, Kerry chose yoghurt then a couple of eggs and a slice of toast and juice. The two girls had so many contrasts it was surprising they enjoyed each other's company so much. While Jo finished her plate Kerry talked with the hostess to find out where the best wineries were located and any suggestions for dinner tonight since the farm stay had no evening meals planned or on offer.

The town had several world class eateries that sported walls filled with awards from around the country to show how much they had to offer the culinary tourists visiting the town. A new place had opened only a few weeks earlier and was being operated by a couple returning to the region after years away, their reputation was outstanding and the prices were more than realistic for the quality.

“Let me call them, I know them quite well and get you a table for two tonight” the hostess offered. Before Jo had finished her breakfast Kerry had arranged a tour, dinner and even some nibbles for later.

The wineries had good offers but nothing like the prices that could be had in city wine stores operated by a multinational chain, even for the same produce. Kerry now understood the power of alliance marketing and the need to keep distribution separate to cellar door sales, still a couple of bottles or even a box of twelve found their way into Jo’s car boot. By lunch time they had only done two wineries and one chocolate factory and it was now one o’clock in the afternoon. Jo found a small café and pulled the car into a parking bay near the front door.

“Lets have something to eat I’m famished” she said getting out of the car. Kerry wondered where she put it all, her figure gave only a slight hint of excess fat and Jo never seemed to be one for great exercise. The café had alfresco tables in the sunshine and Jo motioned to Kerry to find a seat, it was her turn to order the food. Surprisingly Kerry just sat down and let Jo pick, the choice proving very close to her own choice if she had done the ordering. The meal was small and simple with fruit and cheese platter accompanied by a small loaf of crusty bread, fresh farm butter, chutney and pickles.

“Excellent choice dear” Kerry remarked eating more fruit than bread and watching the coach tourists walk past the café carrying bags of cheese and wine. The rest of the afternoon was spent selecting cheese and wine for the picnic hamper as well as a tour around a perfume factory some distance from town. Kerry chose a collection of bottles of scent for family members and Christmas gifts as well as a nice spray bottle of cologne that she thought would suit a certain boss at work.

Arriving back at 4pm they opted for a feeding tour around the farm on the back of a tractor throwing bales of hay out for the horses. Afterwards the girls chose to sit and relax on the porch of the chalet and watch the sun go down while they drank one of the bottles from the last winery. The wind seemed to rise at the same time as the light dropped sending a chill through their thin sweaters and making them rush inside. The fireplace had been cleaned and re-laid ready for the evening, the bed sitting neat and tidy with two small chocolates on fresh towels. The bathroom sparkled again except for where Jo had left her mess which sat exactly where she had left it untouched by the cleaning staff.

“What time are we booked in for tonight’s meal?” she asked Kerry after checking the mini bar, “around seven thirty why?” Jo felt like getting all dressed up for dinner but wanted a bath first “if I pour a spa will you join me?” looking at Kerry.

“Go on then but make sure it’s got enough bath scent to get rid of the horse smells” she said turning to the wardrobe and the bathrobes that had been replaced with fresh white robes. Stopping at the stereo she selected one of her own CD’s and set it for repeat, “come on granny” shouted Jo from the bathroom remarking on her choice of music as being some twenty years older than Jo’s choice.

Jo triggered the bubbles before Kerry could get into the spa and just sat there relaxing in the hot water, Kerry stripped to her pants not quite comfortable enough for Jo to see the other bits.

“I have seen it all before you know so why do you have to wear the pants?” Jo asked blunt as always. Kerry sat down into the water and looked at her silently thinking, she had to admit that being naked with Jo was no real issue anymore but having someone see her problem or abnormality just reinforced the fact that she was not who she wanted to be. Trying to get the words right she started to talk.

“I feel that the rest of my body is right but that one area still proves the rest a liar, does that make sense to you?” Jo could see that Kerry was still thinking about her next sentence.

“I really don’t see anything other than a girl, a friend, a big sister, and a great looking woman” she said looking at Kerry. Jo moved around the spa next to Kerry, “heck you are more woman than some of the girls back in the office” she joked. Kerry was sitting there very sullen with her thoughts running around her head, Jo grabbed one of Kerry’s arms and put it around her shoulder and neck, “cuddle please, you need it” Jo said.

The spa was getting cold when Kerry finally came out of her slump and stood up and stepped out of the spa, as she stood there on the tiled bathroom floor she looked into the mirror. The hybrid body was a mockery, the breasts had been filled, the hips had been injected and her face had been adjusted to suit the image she wanted, actually not much more than several girls had performed on them every day without being seen as abnormal. Jo saw Kerry standing there silently looking at the image in the mirror and came up behind still dripping water on the floor. Kerry turned around and flung her arms around Jo, she held tight and started to sob, the tears dropping hot pools of salty water on Jo’s clean shoulders.

Jo was slightly stunned and not sure what to do in the situation with Kerry being the one that normally comforted her. The pair stood there for a few minutes while Kerry cried out some of the pain she had been holding in, she wanted to be the full woman she felt she should have been since birth not this cyborg of parts. Jo stroked her hair and let her sob, she wanted to let Kerry know she cared and would have given anything for her but just hugged her tightly. Kerry stopped and pulled away from Jo just a little embarrassed at the thought of hugging Jo like this, she was still someone that Kerry had to work with.

“Talk about letting it all come out” said Jo handing Kerry a towel “sorry, I shouldn’t have made you handle that” Kerry sniffed as she wrapped the towel around her breasts and body.

Jo and Kerry got ready to go out more subdued than before, Kerry brought her brown calf length skirt with medium boots two layers of cottons tops and a white cotton jacket, her cleavage showing out just below her special K necklace. Jo had decided on more stunning, a pair of boot cut jeans, high boots with a body stocking black bra and a bomber jacket in matching denim. Their makeup was bold and beautiful fit for the two girls to hit the night life if they found any in the town. Both of them had on parts of the jewelry they bought for their night out several months ago. Jo threw Kerry the car keys, “your turn to drive tonight, I know you won’t be drinking much. Kerry snatched the keys “drats, just when I felt like getting plastered” she laughed, the truth not that far away.

The drive to the café was only five minutes so they very quickly found themselves sitting inside the café close to a roaring fire and some gentle music playing through the speakers. The waiter came back with water and fresh glasses putting a wine list on the table before each of them, “two lovely ladies and no one to keep you company, such a waste” he said fawning tears into his napkin. As he took their drinks order Kerry watch his eyes drift towards Jo’s black bra that seemed to have crept out of her jacket more than normally. As he turned and walked back to the bar Jo followed his figure like a cat stalking a mouse.

“Down girl, you’re not bringing him back into our bed tonight.” “Since when can you read minds” chuckled Jo but still straining to watch his cute rear vanish behind the bar.

The food was good quality and very reasonable portion size which seemed to go against the flow of many chefs preparing small almost miniscule portions to show how good their food was. During the night the waiter kept coming back and was blatantly flirting with Jo asking about her life her friends and her plans for later on tonight.

“We haven’t thought about afters, did you have something in mind for us?” she asked rather coyly looking at him while trying to flash her eyelashes at him. There is a bar down the road that some of the café guys end up at after work, for a drink, if you’re interested making emphasis on the you part of the comment. “What about my friend, what can she do?” Jo asked playing with his mind, “I am sure that two lovely women like you would not have any trouble mixing with the café guys.”

They finished the meal and after paying the bill promised to seriously consider the offer for drinks and afters down at the bar around ten thirty if they could stay awake long enough. They left the café with Jo blowing Henri kisses and Kerry dragging her by the arm, “if you want to stay up all night that’s fine by me just don’t bring him home” Kerry said. The town had several bars and a couple of dance clubs that had good patronage now that several cafes had fed and watered the tourist trade. Jo found one that looked more like her style and asked about a night cap if Kerry didn’t need her beauty sleep.

The band was actually very good for a country circuit and they found themselves enjoying the atmosphere and drinking more than they had planned on. Not enough to make them over the drink drive limit but more than enough if they wanted to meet Henri after work. Kerry switched to water and Jo went for soft drink with another cruiser an hour later, just as Jo looked at her watch “time for afters, are you game or do we go home?” Jo asked. “What’s the we go home thing this is holidays kiddo, lead on” Kerry downed her glass and stood up ready to go. Jo was taken aback by Kerry’s almost brazen approach at the thought of being picked up “well if any of them try anything they can only blame themselves for what they find” she laughed.

The bar they wanted was only across the road from where they had been drinking and Jo quickly found Henri standing with several similarly dressed waters, the black pants, safety shoes, clean cut and neat hair just the tops changed with different café names or brands of coffee that they served. Henri introduced the girls to his mates and asked what they wanted to drink then vanished to the bar leaving Jo and Kerry surrounded by a group of strangers. One of the older guys introduced himself to Kerry asking where they were staying in the town, it was obvious to all of them that the two girls came from out of town and must have been looking for some action given the way they looked.

Jo’s bra had popped out of her jacket into visibility again and nearly every guy in the bar must have noticed, I guess that’s the power of good advertising thought Kerry. Henri returned with two drinks in hand for Jo and Kerry although neither really needed any more alcohol, Jo was already getting loud and Kerry was falling asleep. Kerry’s admirer continued to make small talk asking her about herself but was getting nowhere with anything else, Jo on the other hand was getting on fine with Henri who was singularly focused on her smile and well presented features.

The music was getting louder when Henri asked Jo to dance and dragged her off to the small dance area, Kerry got a similar request but couldn’t find any reason to say no and ended up dancing with a very tall waiter by the name of Mark. Not that much younger than herself but still well under forty she thought, sort of cute looking but a strong smell of coffee from his shirt. More small talk until Mark suggested that Kerry may want to step outside for some fresh air, she was getting hot but missed the question Mark was really asking her.

Stepping outside into the beer garden, which was mostly empty by now, Mark pulled Kerry around and towards himself, lowered his head and tried to kiss her. His hand had magically found her rear at the same time as he tried to drive home what felt like a foot long tongue into her mouth. The combined actions caused her to move forward at the hips and at the same time stopped her from moving backwards from the tongue. Kerry was caught by surprise and her hands flew up to his chest.

“Hang on I came out for air not what you are thinking about” she gasped as she shook loose from his claws. Mark looked shocked as if why would a girl refuse his advances, Kerry just stood there with her hands still poised at the ready in case of further moves.

“Sorry, I thought you understood my question inside” Mark spluttered out thinking quickly of how to rescue anything for the night. Kerry looked at him, cute and well built.

“I just think you moved too quickly, a girl likes to be wanted not taken”, “does that mean slow down or go away?” he asked her. Kerry looked again at him, a stranger, quick bit of fun, no afterwards, “just take it slower, that’s all” she said forgetting that to a man that meant two minutes of foreplay, at the most.

He went to hold her gently with open arms to dance with her in the garden, she allowed him to continue and found his arms around her waist then her cheeks with a gentle pressure towards his pelvis. She felt his hands then his body then his surprise, “you have left something in your pants I think” Kerry laughed realizing that the number of drinks she had consumed after several months of very limited amounts was effecting her far more than normal. Her arms slid around his neck and Mark felt the small almost indiscernible move of her hips towards him, by now they had danced towards the rear of the garden.

The crowd had all gone inside as Kerry felt one of his hands at her chest, then being kissed far gentler this time, she responded as they found the back wall. “Mark, you need to know that sex is out of the question for me, I’ve just had surgery” she said in his ear “but I can help you if that’s what you want?” Her hands slipped down to his zip without even waiting for an answer knowing that he would either respond or get very sulky, his jeans opened up as he continued to kiss her harder with more emotion. He moved his legs apart to allow her fingers to take hold of what was getting harder every second.

“Do you have anything with you?” Mark flipped open his wallet and handed her a condom, “will this do?” she took it, bit open the packet and rolled it onto his now very hard member. As she continued to kiss his neck and ears he played with her breasts and moved slowly in time with her hand, the music was lost as they rocked back and forth until Mark stopped suddenly while pushing hard into her hand. He exploded and filled the tip with white liquid, hot to touch, the basis of life, the core of every man.

She held him and kissed his lips gently “isn’t it worth slowing down?” she smiled at him, his penis now deflating rapidly. Kerry kissed him once more “better go and clean up before you make a mess” she kissed him again and tucked everything back into his pants.

Kerry walked back into the dance area as Jo was coming in from the toilets, “what have you been doing, or should I say who have you been doing?” Jo smirked at Kerry with a smile on her face. Kerry blushed, “poor lad had a problem in his pants that needed fixing that’s all” and walked straight past her to the bar.

“Two vodka cruisers please” Kerry told the bar tender, “since when did you drink those?’ asked Jo, Kerry turned towards the toilets as Mark was coming back from cleaning up “who said they were just for me.” Mark walked up and kissed her full on the lips right next to Jo who just starred at Kerry “so who are the drinks for big sister?” “Jo, this is Mark the lad I just told you about” Jo held out her hand “feeling better now Mark?” Jo giggled. Kerry slapped her and then handed Mark one of the drinks “pay no attention to her she gets very silly sometimes.”

The rest of the night was fairly uneventful until the guys decided they wanted to go out for some late night food. Henri offered to drop Jo off at the farm stay if Kerry wanted to go home early, Jo looked at Kerry “unless you wanted to come with us” Jo added. Kerry said that her beauty sleep was far more important than food and she would leave the key under the mat, “don’t stay out too long little sister” she said picking up her keys. Mark walked her back to the car, hoping to change her mind rather than go alone, Kerry kissed him again and opened the car door. Mark pushed his point again, “I could always come back to your place if you wanted” suggested Mark trying one last attempt at getting into her pants. “Good night Mark and make sure Jo doesn’t get hurt please” he kissed her and walked off to the car park where Henri was waiting.

Kerry was sound asleep when Jo pushed the key into the lock, she was still asleep when the table was kicked but woke up suddenly when the pewter vase hit the hard tiled floor. “Sorry it’s only me” Jo giggled loudly, it was close to three in the morning and Kerry would have killed her if she thought Jo would have felt anything. Jo collapsed on the bed with more giggling, she rolled over and faced Kerry as she lay on her side and made it very clear that she wanted to talk. “Jo it’s three o’clock you should be in bed” Kerry told her “I was in bed by two o’clock, what’s the problem?” Jo laughed. It took only five minutes for Jo to climb into bed and fall fast asleep but it took far longer for Kerry to go back to sleep after being disturbed and cleaning up the water from the vase.

The sun came up at seven but Jo didn’t surface until long after Kerry had come back from breakfast, it was more like ten thirty before Jo sat up and asked what time it was. Kerry shook her head “so did you enjoy yourself last night?” frowned Kerry towards Jo who looked like the proverbial bus had hit a combination of makeup and hair cuttings. “I guess so but not quite sure what I finished up agreeing to for tonight” Kerry looked at her “are you saying that you want to repeat last night again tonight?” Jo looked very sheepish, like the kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, “not sure but I think I said we might meet the guys at the same place if we weren’t too tired.” “Well don’t complain to me about feeling bad it’s all self inflicted” then handed her a cup of coffee and a plate with two apple Danishes on it.

The Sunday tourists normally left the town after four to make sure they got home before it was too late so the town became quieter apart from the locals and those people staying longer than the weekend. Kerry and Jo walked around to the movie hire place and selected a couple of good movies, latest releases to fill in the time. The farm stay hosts had a family bar-b-q planned for the birthday of their oldest son so Jo and Kerry had been invited since they were staying over for another two days. The bonfire was raging as they came back to the farm carrying some wine and the movies, “better just get changed I can feel the cold coming in for the night” said Kerry heading to the chalet.

Jo followed and put the movies on the bench, again the bed had been made perfectly and fresh towels folded and placed on the bed. Kerry changed out of her dress into a pair of jeans and thick polo neck jumper and a heavy coat and boots. Jo also thought about her outfit but was torn between the body stocking that Henri liked so much and keeping warm. In the end the order of day was for simple and warm ahead of sexy and skimpy, Henri would just have to work around it.

The mealtime was very family friendly, the hosts brought out a birthday cake and bowls of salad, bread and plenty of meat, basic but good for a cold night. The wine and beer flowed for quite a while with Jo and Kerry offering some of their own collection towards the party supplies. When the guitars came out it was like watching a re-run of some 50’s TV show, ma and pa strumming the strings while the kids joined in. Kerry remembered some of them but Jo was totally lost and just sat there waving her glass around, which promptly got filled by one of the older boys. It must have been the fire and the wine but Jo slowed down gradually falling asleep in one of the chairs while the party went on around her. Always the perfect hostess, Anne brought out a couple of blankets and covered Jo, who kept snoring along with the music and the fairies.

As the fire died down and the dishes had all been carried inside Jo stirred just enough for Kerry to guide her back to the chalet. “Come on little sister, it’s long past your bed time” Kerry said unlocking the door and turning on the lights. Kerry pulled back the bed sheets while Jo slipped off her boots and jeans then her jumper and skivvy and socks. Kerry turned her around and lifted her feet into bed then covered her with the blankets and doona, the fire was still going so she kissed Jo gently on the forehead and sat down near the fire. A glass of port and a piece of chocolate before bed she thought, a log on the fire to keep the room warm and just one more glass of port. Too many thoughts were bad for her state of mind, but they still kept popping up and as yet unanswered.

Next time - Kerry defines love and her ideal "lover", Jo talks about her pain that she has kept hidden.
Only three more chapters to the end.

The sun came up just after seven but today the rain clouds had settled in to keep the place dark and dreary, the sort of day that people would make tomato soup and bread rolls the only allowable food with large mugs of cocoa. Breakfast was served at eight and the two girls pulled up bright and bushy tailed for once although the birthday boy seemed slightly under the weather as he herded the sheep through the paddock nearby.

“Good morning ladies” sang Anne “and how are we both today?” Kerry looked at her, “how can you be so cheerful every day it’s’ not fair” “just have to do it, that’s what being a hostess is all about” Anne said as she offered porridge or pancakes. Jo took both but on different plates then came back for bacon, eggs and baked beans, “still have no idea where you put it all girl” commented Kerry for Anne’s benefit.

They ate breakfast while talking to Anne about the local business opportunities, Kerry was fascinated by the B&B concept and the return for the farm stay. Anne told her that the return was more lifestyle than financial, the cost being setting up the operation rather than operating it each day. The farm still made money to cover the daily needs of the family but the farm stay had been a gamble that had been put forward by their accountant as crop returns died in the late 90’s. Smaller farms could not compete with the larger ones in terms of machinery and manpower let alone the constant threat of drought or disaster. “The only problem is the lack of private time for myself” said Anne turning to the dishes that had been piled up behind the counter, “oh well better get started or I’ll never finish” Anne said walking off.

Jo and Kerry went back to their chalet feeling the winter bite into their skin “any plans for today or do we just hang around here and watch movies?” asked Jo. “What say we hang around until lunch then go for a drive to the beach if the rain lets up” suggested Kerry picking up the pile of movies she had brought with her. Jo stoked the fire into life while Kerry loaded the DVD Player and slipped her boots off in exchange for a pair of fluffy slippers.

“Never thought I would choose slippers as suitable footwear, but then I now do lots of things that I never expected to do” said Kerry sitting on the floor and curling her feet under the table. Jo looked at her thinking about the changes over the 18 months, Paul had been easy to get on with but never really mixed with anyone else. Then Kerry appeared after the separation and after another six months the changes just seemed to keep coming, the hair was now well past her shoulders and the dress sense had settled down to more conservative than showy. Then the change in attitudes, Paul was grumpy some times and insecure the rest, Kerry was happy and always confident even when Jo pushed the envelope with her. The movie started and Jo turned with her back against the chair facing the fire and TV, they sat there for the entire movie.

“Let’s grab a drink before the next one” said Kerry standing up and triggering the kettle, Jo pulled back the curtains only to find the rain still drizzling down the glass.

“Looks like one more movie unless you have another idea” questioned Jo “actually we could just talk for a while” replied Kerry. “You know, when you mentioned the slippers I was thinking about all of the changes that I have seen over the last 18 months. I think you have made huge changes and as far as I can see you haven’t dropped the ball anywhere” said Jo, “well I did lose the ball totally” laughed Kerry. Jo wanted to know how Kerry was feeling after the divorce went through but wasn’t sure about how to ask.

“Can I ask a personal question, you can tell me to butt out if you want to” asked Jo, Kerry wondered what she meant as Jo seemed to know almost anything, “go on then ask away.”

Jo softened her tone “I was just wondering how you were going after the divorce went through?” Kerry sat there thinking about it for a minute.

“I guess that I just powered through it like I did when I started the transition, head down tail up so to speak. I still think about the pain I caused to everyone including the kids and Janet but most of that was compounded by the need to be myself or dress as I felt I needed to so it got very messy in my mind.”

Kerry knew she was not making sense in what she was saying “sorry that sounds so cold let me start again.” Kerry took a drink from her mug of coffee “I hurt so many people so that I could get what I wanted, I know that was selfish but I had convinced myself that it was the only alternative. I was always going back and forth in my mind, from one point of view being resist doing anything to if I don’t do something then I’ll kill myself. I was becoming more and more difficult to live with until I just knew I had to get away regardless of how much it hurt people. The first few weeks I just survived then I set my goals and it was like the whole stress of it all vanished as I had a purpose so when the papers came through it was more like just another milestone in becoming Kerry. I talk with Janet regularly and help her with anything I can but I know she still only partly understands why I had to do it. I guess that means I am handling things quite well considering the pain I caused everyone.”

Kerry breathed a sigh and drank another mouthful of coffee then looked at Jo “is that what you expected?”

“Not really, I thought you would have been having some grief or anger at least” Jo said looking at Kerry “I had so many things to look forward to I had no time for grief or loss. Just think how far I’ve come, Paul seems so long ago even now after only seven months of transition.”

“You can say that again, I have trouble picturing Paul some days you look so good” said Jo. “One more question if I can, how do you handle the sex question you seem to be comfortable switching to female mode already?” It was a good question thought Kerry and one that had caused her to question the whole transition option for her life. “What I mean is, Saturday night you relieved poor Mark without any visible conflict and you are still technically a man in woman’s clothing, doesn’t that cause you some problems?” asked Jo trying not to offend Kerry.

Kerry shifted on the floor slightly trying to get away from the direct question of her sexuality, as a woman sex with a man is normal but as a man it becomes much harder. “The only way I can describe how I resolve the issue is to say how I see myself, I am a woman with plumbing problems so there is no issue. If however I get to think like a man then I get really screwed up, so to speak. Remember a few months ago when you tried on my spare corset and the problem your playing around caused me? Well that happens far less occasionally now since the hormones have been upgraded and even sitting in the spa with you when you had no pants on was only a little difficult for me. The only risk is that I may turn lesbian just to keep a foot in each camp” Kerry said jokingly.

“I wondered if I was safe in there and now you tell me I’d better watch out for Kerry rather than Paul, great” chuckled Jo.

The phone rang as Jo was drinking the last of her coffee, Anne wanted to know if they wanted some homemade tomato soup and fresh bread since she had some spares and it was too cold to go out.

“Love to join you for lunch” finished Kerry hanging the phone on the hook again, “sounds like we are going to get something better than cold cheese and old bread rolls, coming?” asked Kerry grabbing her coat and slipping into her boots. The pair of them ran through the rain and under the dining room roof jumping over puddles as they ran into the door, Anne opened it as they fumbled with the door knob.

“Come inside and take off those coats before you get any wetter” Anne said pointing to the coat rack. “Thought you might like some hot soup and fresh bread today, been cooking up for the family” Anne said spooning out a couple of bowls of piping hot red soup next to large chunks of bread, there was a bowl containing fresh butter in the middle of the table.

“Don’t tell me you make your own butter as well?” asked Kerry, Anne looked at her strangely “just like mum taught me to” said Anne smiling. “I guess the farm life is still something that you have to be born to” commented Jo as she dunked a large piece of bread into the hot soup.

“Been sitting there talking have you?” asked Anne “kind of, just need some down time after a heavy stage at work for both of us.” Anne turned around from the large soup pot and came over with her own bowl, “what do you two girls do for work?” Jo had just put another chunk in her mouth so waved to Kerry to answer “I sell accounting software and Jo installs it at client sites” Kerry said dunking her bread. Jo was more interested in the soup than talking at the moment so didn’t add anything else, “so that makes you fairly brainy then, is it your company?” Kerry smiled at Anne, “no, we work with twenty others for a boss that pays fairly well, don’t think I’d want to have the stress of owning it.”

Anne sat and talked with the two girls for nearly an hour while the rain fell, then the sun peeked out of the clouds, “well it’s going to be dry for the rest of the day according to the weather man so you could get some sightseeing in if you wanted to” stated Anne clearing the table and ending the conversation.

“Is there anywhere else that we should absolutely visit down here?” asked Jo pulling her coat around her shoulders. “You could try the old fudge factory, they should be open, if you go there ask for John and tell him I sent you and make sure he shows you the reject box.”

Anne vanished through the swing doors to her kitchen as the girls closed the dining room door and walked back to their chalet. “Lets get out of here for a while and get some fresh air into our lungs” said Kerry stepping into the bathroom forgetting to lock the door. Jo burst into the room as Kerry was sitting on the loo, she quickly closed her legs and shouted at Jo to turn away “sorry, anyway I’ve seen everything you have girl” Jo laughed at Kerry’s sudden attack of modesty. “Maybe but can’t a girl get some privacy for a few minutes?” Kerry replied trying to hide herself. “I’m glad to see that you sit to pee instead of standing and aiming at the bowl” “I’m glad you don’t either little sister, now please give me a break and let me finish.” Jo was sitting at a small vanity putting on her makeup as Kerry opened the door again, “thanks, now you can use it” said Kerry. The banter between the two of them always made Kerry feel so happy having Jo as a friend as well as a work colleague.

The drive to the fudge factory was only a few minutes and parking the car was easy given the lack of tourists in the town today probably due to the rain clouds. Jo pushed the door open and held it while Kerry entered, the room was cosy with a fire at one end and wooden shelves all around the room except for a small counter and till at one end behind which a young girl stood wrapping some things in brown paper.

“Good afternoon ladies, feel free to just browse or ask me if I can help with anything” she said going back to her task. Jo stepped up to the counter “Anne at the bed and breakfast said that we should ask for John and mention her name”, “let me just get him for you” the girl answered while she pushed a phone button and spoke quickly to John. A minute later John walked into the room, he was around fifty, grey hair, slightly overweight but a huge smile on his face.

“Anne told you about me did she?” he asked chuckling to himself. Kerry stepped closer and introduced herself and Jo “actually she never told us anything apart from making sure to ask for you, what’s to tell?” asked Kerry. John frowned “oh well I guess they are only old stories anyway” Jo remembered the other comment “she did say to not forget about the reject box though.” John pressed a button under the counter and a wooden panel opened up behind where he was standing, “follow me into our wonderland of fudge” reminiscent of Willy Wonker and the tour of Wonkerland.

The whole process of making fudge was actually very easy as long as the place was clean, the large slab of marble being cooled by cold water to speed up the process. John allowed them to make a small amount of fudge with their own mixture of nuts and cherries, the fudge spilled out over the marble and they added the extras, it was scraped back and forth over the slab until it started to get colder then it was rolled into a log shape ready for cutting into pieces. At times Kerry thought he may have been flirting with her but missed it until when she was bending over to cut the fudge his hands helped her a little bit more than she expected.

“If I have your sticky finger marks on these jeans then you can clean them up” Kerry said smiling at John showing mock anger but flirting back to him.

John showed them the reject box and after some careful picking had samples of over twenty types and flavours of fudge to take home, “we can call this one two cherries” said John wrapping up their special fudge they had made. Both girls thanked John for the personal tour and promised to come back next time they were in town. As Jo started the car they could see John waving from the showroom, a quick wave and they headed down the road.

“I think old John has too much time to day dream” Jo chuckled. Kerry laughed “I don’t know about daydreaming but he definitely needs to get laid or something, and don’t look at me sis.” They drove past a small café and Jo quickly pulled the car into a parking bay “time for coffee and cake, my shout” she said turning off the car.

The café had tables both inside and outside but given the threat of rain they chose to sit inside near the windows. Jo ordered for both of them and sat back down with Kerry “I think I know you too well when I can order without even asking what you want” Jo said. Kerry looked at her, she really did get on surprisingly well with her and even put up with her flamboyant antics at time.

“You never did really finish telling me what happened to Tom did you” said Kerry looking at Jo as she sipped her latte. Jo put the cup down while still holding the handle, “Tom just wanted a sex partner for the odd week that he had to be based in town, the other five weeks out on the mines were like another life to him. I guess I should have known when he would only call when he came to town saying that the mine site was not in a mobile service region. And before you ask the sex wasn’t that good anyway” Jo said lifting the cup to her mouth.

“Can you afford the flat by yourself then or are you going to find another flat mate to cover the cost?” asked Kerry allowing her to move over the Tom news. “Not sure what to do, the place is too small for two people full time and too expensive for just me with my lifestyle of eating and shopping. I may have to find a smaller flat at better cost but the travel to work adds up each week so it becomes a catch22 situation.”

The two girls sat eating their cake and drinking coffee while the world outside went on around them, the rain lightly drizzled and looked like staying for the rest of the day. “What say we drive down to the beach watch the waves and go for a walk along the beach?” suggested Kerry, and so an hour later they found themselves arm in arm strolling along the beach after walking for nearly forty minutes in light rain.

“I don’t know about you but I can feel the rain just getting through my coat, it’s time for a warm room, log fire and a glass or two of fine wine. What say we pick up something for dinner before we head back to the B&B, how about pizza?” said Jo always the one to choose comfort food rather than sensible. “Alright but only because it’s cold and raining and only if we can have a meat lovers as well” said Kerry pulling Jo along the beach. As Kerry looked down the beach she could see only one meandering set of foot prints along the beach, Kerry looked closer at the footprints, at times the steps got so close it looked like only one person had walked along the beach. She pulled Jo’s arm closer to her and they walked off the beach into the car parking area. Jo took one last look at the water as it crashed onto the shoreline, breakers causing white caps to form along the entire beach and froth blowing along after being dumped on the sand by the surging waters.

The pizza shop had only just opened so their choices would be ready in half an hour as the oven still had to reach full temperature. “Lets just walk along through the shops for a while” offered Jo, “as long as we stay clear of John” laughed Kerry and they left the pizza shop. They walked around arm in arm again like two close friends chatting, the shops were getting ready to close but Jo found a small pottery shop containing handmade bowls and figurines. They entered being careful as they walked around the gallery come shop, the higher prices reflecting the artistic nature of the work. Jo picked up a clay piece of two people walking arm in arm, unusually it was two women.

“I think they saw us coming down the street” said Jo referring to the price being nearly a hundred dollars. Kerry looked at it carefully and remembered the figurines she had seen in the shopping centre nearly a year ago. Then she had missed Janet and the pain of leaving was too much for her, but now the figurines looked more like her and Jo as they had walked along the beach earlier on. Jo picked it up telling Kerry “I am going to buy this so that I can remember the holiday when I’m old and grey, like you” moving quickly away from Kerry’s hand aimed at her arm.

“Just you wait till I get you home miss” laughed Kerry trying to look serious, “what you going to do, spank me?” replied Jo as she headed to the sales counter.

“I’ll have this for my mother please” Jo said putting it on the counter and pulling out her MasterCard to pay for it. Kerry strolled around looking at the bowls and glass trays made from old pieces of glass broken and melted into shape, the pattern forming a coloured shadow on the shelf, “anything else mum?’ shouted Jo.

“You are so in trouble for cheek like that” said Kerry “I have a good mind to cancel your pizza order.” The sales person had no idea what was going on and just stood there waiting for the imprinter to finish producing a receipt. “Ignore us, she’s just being silly if I was her mother she would have been adopted out with manners like that” said Kerry smiling to the sales girl. Jo picked up the bag and thanked the girl for staying open, they walked out into the street as the lights came on and the shop door closed firmly behind them, the closed sign already turned around.

The pizza was ready and sitting on the rack by the time they returned, Kerry picked them up as Jo unlocked the car doors. Kerry opened the back door and put the pizzas on the seat before climbing into the front of the car, Jo reversed and turned the car towards the farmstay and a log fire. Anne had already started the log fire so when Jo and Kerry opened the door to their chalet the room was already nice and warm.

“I am so cold I need to get warm before I eat, what about a spa?” asked Jo, Kerry put another log onto the fire then said “why not we can heat up the pizza in the microwave later.” Jo walked into the spa and turned the hot water on and poured a bottle of bubble liquid into the spa, “that should make it look better.”

Kerry had poured a couple of glasses of wine and carried the glasses and the rest of the bottle into the bathroom as Jo finished stripping down to her knickers, a pile of clothes spread over the floor. Kerry placed the wine glasses on the edge of the spa as Jo dropped her remaining garment to the floor and stepped into the spa taking a glass as she did so. Kerry turned and went back into the bedroom to get undressed and hang up her clothes rather than leaving them scattered around the chalet. Kerry looked in the mirror as she finished getting ready for the spa, her white silk knickers being the only covering she had on but still the body reminded her of her hybrid state, not quite there but never to return either. She grabbed the two bath robes and headed into the bathroom, Kerry closed the door behind her and threw the robes on a stool. Jo was reclining and sipping at her glass of white as the steam rose from the water and started to fill the room, Kerry stepped over the edge of the spa into the water.

“Still got to wear the safety pants to protect me from Paul?” shot Jo as Kerry slipped down into the bubbles. Kerry grabbed her glass of wine and took a sip, “not really, it’s just that it reminds me of how far I have to go still, I think I can trust myself.”

The spa jets pounded their bodies for ten minutes then cut off as the two girls refilled their glasses, the spa had heating built into the system so the water kept at the same temperature while the girls soaked away the cold of winter. Jo turned to Kerry, “does my body really tease you or are you just joking?” Kerry looked at her, “this is called a transition for a very good reason, it is both physical and mental so that includes my perception of who I am.” Jo looked at her with a blank look on her face “I hear that but does my body do anything to you?” Jo asked again trying to get Kerry to be clearer in what she was saying.

Kerry looked down at her glass “OK, if I let myself get carried away with Paul thoughts then I would find you body very exciting but that doesn’t seem in line with where Kerry is going so why go there, it would only mean confusion for me.”

“So when you attacked Clive and that guy last Saturday it was as a female and not a gay male, is that right?” asked Jo “well if you put it that bluntly, yes I guess so” said Kerry amazed at how simple Jo made it sound when it had taken her so long to make it clear in her own mind.

“If I had sex with a woman that would be as a lesbian since I now see myself as a woman” added Kerry trying to make sure that Jo had more than enough information.

“Can I ask one more very personal question then since we are being so open tonight?” asked Jo looking for approval from Kerry. Getting a nod meant she could proceed, “so what are you looking for in a lover then?” Kerry turned her body towards Jo, she could see Jo’s body in all of her glory as she sipped wine so innocently surrounded by bubbles. Kerry took several seconds before she spoke.

“I think that it comes down to how do I want to be treated rather than who or what, let me put that another way, hot lusty sex is great as a young adult but now the thought of “wam bam thank you mam sex” is as interesting as dead fish on cold chips. Love has to be shared, taken over time and enjoyed by both parties, it must leave both people wanting to spend more time doing exactly the same thing again and again. It must be gentle and caring as well as exciting and fulfilling, I think I need to be wanted for who I am and not what I can do for someone between their legs. If sex is nothing more than an exchange of body fluids then why bother inviting anyone else to be there, just plug into a machine and sit back. So Clive and Mark were just a distraction on the roadway to the future, nothing more than that”. Kerry took another drink of wine, “is that what you expected to hear from me?” asked Kerry as Jo sat there quietly thinking.

“Not quite how I would have put it but I think you have more girl thoughts than most of the women at work” Jo laughed “they just talk about the hot and steamy stuff as if it’s the only thing that matters.”

Jo moved closer to Kerry as she sat in the spa, “I just want to say how much I love spending time with you, you really are more than just a work colleague. You always tell things like they are and don’t mix it up with agendas or scheming to get your own way.” Jo leaned forward and gave Kerry a peck on the cheek, “and don’t ask about Tom anymore or I’ll cry.”

Kerry put her arm around Jo’s shoulder to console her, “OK now it’s my turn for truth or dare, what did he do to my little sister?” Jo ended up telling Kerry all about how he just wanted sex every day and didn’t want to go out shopping or to the movies or dancing. Jo felt used by him rather than loved by him and she had called it all off and never heard from him since. Kerry had left her arm around Jo all the time she spoke in a very protective manner and Jo seemed to snuggle into Kerry’s side.

“Come on let’s get out of here and eat some food before we get teary eyed” Jo said standing up to get out of the spa, her naked hair free body right in front of Kerry’s face as if she had not heard what Kerry had said just a few minutes earlier. Jo wrapped a bathrobe around her body after drying her legs and feet then walked over her old clothes into the bedroom. Kerry shook her head, it was just like having kids in the house who needed tidying up after them all day long. She stood and took off her white silk pants then dried herself with a fresh towel before putting on another pair of pants and wrapping the bathrobe around her body to keep the warmth in.

Jo had nuked some of the pizza in the microwave and was sitting in the bed trying to flick through the TV channels looking for anything worth watching. Kerry poured two more glasses of wine and hopped into the big bed next to Jo, “swap, one glass for some warm pizza, OK?” she said handing Jo the wine. They sat there with the main lights off and the log fire roaring away as the TV shot beams of light into the room like ghostly shadows. During one of the advert breaks both girls had swapped the thick bathrobes that kept them warm for their nighties. As they continued drinking, the wine and warmth of the fire helped them feel sleepy, the movie was slow moving and Jo laid down and propped her head up with a pillow while Kerry continued to watch the show. As the show finished Kerry had slipped down alongside Jo and had her arm wrapped around Jo who had snuggled down so her back was into Kerry’s side and she was holding onto Kerry’s arm like a teddy bear for security. To Kerry it seemed quite normal laying there watching TV while her favorite girl snoozed gently beside her, except it was not Paul being drawn into the picture.

Jo stirred and rubbed her hand up Kerry’s arm as it lay across her chest, the action caused Kerry to move suddenly as she realized the problem. Kerry had been gently holding Jo’s breast and playing with the nipple that had now become hard as Jo woke from the light sleep. “Don’t stop, that feels so nice to be held by you” said Jo putting Kerry’s hand back on her breast and wriggling back under the blankets.

Kerry had a sudden attack of guilty thoughts alongside thoughts of joy then back to guilt and on to confusion. Jo rolled over to face Kerry while making sure her arm didn’t escape, her own hand landing on Kerry’s right breast as she looked into her eyes, Jo could see the startled deer look on Kerry’s face as she reached up to touch her face. Jo moved her hand slowly and stroked the side of her face gently which caused Kerry to relax somewhat, the kiss was gentle and warm and neither woman moved quickly.

It seemed just a peaceful time laying there in each other's arms, the confusion dying away as Jo gently touched Kerry and again they kissed but this time initiated by Kerry. Jo touched her face again, moving locks of auburn hair out of her eyes. Her fingers outlined Kerry’s lips and caused Kerry to kiss her hand gently like a lover being seduced, their eyes hardly leaving each other's eyes.

The moment seemed to last for ages as Jo and Kerry touched and kissed, Jo slowly moving her hand down Kerry’s shoulder to her right breast which caused Kerry to bite her lip as the sensation was instant. Kerry pushed her mouth towards Jo, an emotional kiss that involved all of her body and engulfed Jo leaving nothing to her imagination about how Kerry was feeling. Almost by instinct Kerry moved her own free arm so she could gently touch Jo’s body and the same response came as Kerry gently caressed her while still holding her close.

They lay there touching, kissing and exploring each other's body as the fire continued to heat the room, the TV had long ago been turned off. Jo sat upright and with a single movement pulled her nightie over her head then settled back onto the pillow facing the ceiling, Kerry did the same and lay back down facing Jo. This time Kerry slowly caressed Jo’s body and leaned over to kiss her breasts, the nipples standing to attention like soldiers ready for action. Jo pulled her head up towards her and kissed her again while holding her face with both hands. Kerry’s hand moving gently over Jo’s stomach as she kissed and muzzled her cheeks and ears.

Jo arched her back as Kerry continued to touch her stomach winding her way slowly down to the smooth mound between her legs. Kerry let her hand rest gently without touching Jo’s lips, the sheer touch caused Jo to press her mouth hard against Kerry’s mouth and run her arms down her back pulling her towards her own body. The two women lay there kissing and moving so subtly in patterns that together they could not perform but wanted to be connected as lovers.

Jo shifted and moved her legs so slightly that an observer would have missed it but to the gentle touch of Kerry’s hand nothing was missed. Her hand moved deeper between her legs touching her thighs like feathers massaging delicate skin, the shiver going up Jo’s entire body. As Kerry moved her body lower in the bed she found Jo guiding her hands, Kerry moved her fingers lightly touching the outside of Jo’s lips teasing her by pressing gently but determinedly towards the point where Jo wanted her to go. Jo’s vagina was warm, inviting and so smooth as it parted like an oyster to reveal the pearl, but Kerry played around touching gently but not rushing. Jo moaned as Kerry finally found the entrance and pushed inwards to feel the wet walls of Jo’s most feminine place, Jo’s hands pushed Kerry’s fingers deeper inside her tunnel as she rubbed the palm up against her exposed parts.

Kerry knew how to make love but had never taken so much time doing it, she had nothing to gain sexually for herself as the hormones had long since killed any reaction from her penis. The thought of an orgasm was totally out of the question but this was so different it made her feel so alive, the sheer beauty of being touched and held so gently was like nothing she had felt before. Jo had not raced or forced anything it just seemed to happen and Kerry had not gone looking for it nor hiding from it either.

Kerry moved her hand and started to caress Jo’s clitoris and lips while Jo moved her hands to her breasts and closed her eyes. With her spare hand Kerry played with Jo’s nipples gently touching and squeezing them causing Jo to move as the ripples of pleasure rolled through her body. Kerry moved her fingers around sensing the response that Jo was having and as Jo got close to climaxing Kerry kissed her neck then gently nibbled her ears. Jo moaned as Kerry brought her to full climax then kept going until Jo screamed to stop, snatching her hands away and pulling Kerry up to her face to kiss her.

As Jo kissed Kerry she forced her to roll over so she was on top of Kerry and continued kissing and rubbing her hands over her body. Jo was actually lying between her legs but absolutely nothing was stirring down below, Jo rolled off and lay on the bed beside Kerry.

They laid there for a good twenty minutes just kissing and gently touching each other until Kerry started moving back down to Jo’s little mound of joy. Her hands moved carefully up and down her legs and again Jo opened them signifying her approval to proceed. Kerry ran her hands on the inside of Jo’s legs but as she did Kerry turned around so her head was on Jo’s belly which she kissed and gently licked towards where Jo’s bikini line would have been if she had pubic hair. Jo opened her legs wider as Kerry reached the top of her mound with kisses and nudging with her nose, again every sign was to proceed.

With delicate kisses and massaging with her tongue Kerry brought Jo close to the point of no return before backing off and letting her smolder like a fire that was ready to be fanned into flame. Jo’s hand found the inside of Kerry’s left leg and rose to the top without touching the white silk pants that she knew contained “the problem” as Kerry called it.

Inside Kerry’s mind the compilation of hours of kissing and touching was becoming too much to bear, she stopped and raised her head without turning around to Jo and slipped her pants off her bottom and down to her knees. Jo saw the action and understood the trust that Kerry was giving her, as Kerry lifted her leg Jo helped the pants to go past her knee and then the other leg until they lay on the floor, the safety barrier discarded, no longer required in the safe loving environment of their chalet bedroom.

Kerry returned to pleasuring Jo without a single word being said as Jo started slowly but very gently to touch Kerry where no one had been for nearly two years. The doctor had done a good job and a large amount of the scrotum had been retracted back into the cavity caused by removing the testicles and some of the body tissue behind the penis. The whole area was still very sensual to touch and sent the normal effect through Kerry’s body distracting her from what she had been doing to Jo. The result was that Jo went over the top while still touching Kerry, her hands exploring every crevice and fold of skin then as she came Jo’s hand sat idly over the tuft of pubic hair massaging the small mound that remained of Paul’s manhood.

Jo had to stop to catch her breath but left her hand on Kerry’s buttocks as she lay facing the bottom of the bed, the pair of them hot with the excitement of the last two hours. The blankets had long been discarded as the two had moved around in the bed so much, Jo changed position and faced Kerry at the bottom of the bed. Jo kissed her so passionately it seemed to go on and on, the two of them wrapped in each other's embrace their breasts touching and melding sending more sensations through each of them.

Kerry lay back onto her back looking at the ceiling, a tear rolling down the side of her face sparkled in the fire light that filled the room. Jo caught it with her finger and wiped it away, then gently kissed the cheek that was red from the fires glow. She leaned into Kerry and put her hand on Kerry’s belly as the protective arm once again wrapped around Jo to keep her close and safe beside Kerry. Again they felt no need to rush and lay there cuddling as the fire between them seemed to have taken firm hold, a fire that neither of them had planned or expected.

Jo moved her hands slowly down Kerry’s belly as she kissed her neck then breasts until she reached her bikini line that had been so carefully shaped by laser treatment to look like the female shape. The small nub of the penis still sat exposed as the skin was rolled away from the tip, due to months of hormone treatment the feeling still worked but erection was impossible. Jo moved around it and touched directly below the scrotum making Kerry arch her pelvis upwards, Jo continued to explore finding several spots that made Kerry move or moan slightly.

Time stood still as Jo explored with her finger tips, her long nails increasing the effect as she traced the side of the scrotum. Jo again peeled back the foreskin and started to kiss the remnant of manhood, the outward signs were minimal but inside Kerry felt the changes reaching into her belly, the tension rolling around slowly building then fading. Kerry lay there with her hands and well manicured finger nails pressing into her belly pulling upwards as she rolled her pelvis upwards towards the source of pleasure. Jo pressed all of the buttons she new until Kerry shook, she did not explode like Paul would have done but lay there biting her lip and holding her breath as if delaying the dying feeling that had gone off in her abdomen. If this was how a woman experienced orgasm Kerry could live with it.

Several minutes went by before they moved back to the top of the bed then pulled up the blankets and lay back down resting in each other's warm glow. The fire slowly died and sleep came so easily to both of them dreams filling their minds as they snuggled under the doona.

The morning light came through the gaps in the curtains, the chilly edge of winter biting at the room and the noses of girls that lay curled up in the warm bed. Jo was the first to stir and rolled towards Kerry, she looked at the face of her colleague and friend wondering how she would feel in the cold light of day. Kerry must have sensed the eyes that looked at her and opened her eyes to find Jo’s face so close to her own, not imposing on her personal space but inviting her into a joined space.

It could have been very awkward waking up to find your best friend lying next to you in the bed. Instead Kerry rolled her head towards Jo and offered her lips for a kiss, she was not disappointed as Jo beamed her smile and replied with her warm lips and gentle touch of her hand on Kerry’s stomach. There was a feeling similar to that very first encounter between young lovers except neither of these two were young but most definitely they had become lovers. Jo moved closer until they again lay wrapped into one being, the day was cold but inside both of them felt a warmth that came from each other.

Kerry had to break the mood by going to the toilet but triggered the kettle on her way there, Jo stayed under the doona waiting for her return. They missed breakfast as they sat in bed and talked and drank tea and coffee, it was far more important to both of them than food and neither wanted to risk losing what had happened in the last twelve hours.

Finally they did venture out of the bedroom and tidied up the chalet before heading up to the kitchen to see if Anne had any leftovers. They found her making bread surrounded by flour and grain, yeast sat in a small jar on the table.

“Good morning sleepy heads, have you had enough rest yet?” Anne asked them not really expecting an answer. “I reckon I could sleep for another day” said Jo giggling slightly.

“We seem to forget about the emotional and physical cost of doing long hours at work until the pressure comes off” added Kerry trying to hide Jo’s giggle. Even if Anne had spotted anything she would not have said a single word about it as being a hostess meant not asking.

“Would you two lovely girls like something to eat, I assume that’s why you have come in here looking so sheepish” Anne said smiling at them. “Yes please unless it’s too much trouble” said Jo quickly, trying not to appear too eager. Anne told them to pull up a stool to the bench while she made them something to eat, putting mugs of coffee down on the work bench for them first.

It was amazing how quickly Anne threw together a serving plate of bacon, eggs, beans and tomatoes finished off with toast. The two girls had not realized how little they had eaten last night, the majority of the pizza being left near the fireplace slowly turning into dry stale slices in the cardboard box. “We did get some food last night but spent too long soaking in that great spa” Jo said before biting into a slice of toast. “Leftover pizza doesn’t quite taste the same if it gets left out near the fireplace all night” Kerry added as she served up another egg on top of her toast.

“Anything planned today being your last day with us?” Anne said as she continued making bread for the entire family and guests. The two girls had not realised that this was going to be their last night away together and a hint of sadness hit both of them, they had enjoyed themselves in more ways than they had ever thought.

The drive through the small towns and tourist stops happened more like time travelers in a trance, they looked and sampled but they seemed disconnected from the reality of the place. Neither of them noticed how the impact of Anne’s comment had effected them so much until they stopped for a drink in a small tea house beside the beach. Sitting alone outside in the pleasant sunlight and sipping on their drinks it was Kerry that finally brought it up.

“I feel so crappy today like I just lost something” Kerry said looking at Jo “me too, it’s not buyers remorse is it” she said touching Kerry’s hand.

“No, it’s just” she stopped then looked at Jo with tears in her eyes, “I haven’t felt like this for so long. It sounds really corny but my heart is hurting at the thought of going back to work and not being able to share with you how I am feeling. I wish we could stay here for a few more days to sort out how we feel about last night.” Her tears overflowed her eyes but she could see that Jo had the same problem written all over her face, the pain at going back was the problem.

“Are you concerned about last night, is that the problem?” asked Jo hoping against hope that she had it wrong. “No, the opposite is true, I loved last night so much I don’t want to leave it to just a holiday thing, actually it’s far more than just last night it has been the entire trip. You call me big sister and friend but to me you have become so much more but I need to know how you really feel about me.”

Jo let out a sigh, and put her cup down so she could take Kerry’s hands in her own, the same look of wet eyes looking straight into Kerry’s eyes. “I have loved you since you first came out with us dancing on that Friday night, you always treat me like I’m special, you care for me like no one else has ever done. I could not think of any reason to not spend every waking moment with you, nor can I think of anyone else that I’d rather be with although the thought of that scares me shitless, sorry I shouldn’t have said it like that. What I mean is I really love you and that seems so opposite to everything that I have been taught or done.” Jo choked back a crying sound as she finished.

“Does that mean we stop or proceed, precious one?” Kerry said holding Jo’s hands. The winter sun had vanished but neither wanted to go inside, “lets go and sit in the car so we can talk without getting our butts frozen off” suggested Kerry trying to keep it together as well.

Kerry drove the car this time, she pulled into a small car parking area overlooking the surf as it pounded relentlessly onto the foreshore, the dirty white foam rolling along the beach only to get caught in small tufts of beach grasses that lined the sand dunes. Nobody was walking along the beach today not even the seagulls that seemed to live at the beach all year long, it was just the two of them sitting staring out at nature. Kerry parked the car, set the handbrake and turned off the ignition, she turned in her seat so she could look at Jo. Kerry took hold of Jo’s hand again and gently kissed it as she waited for Jo to talk.

“That’s just what I mean, you show me so much love and just let me talk it through without getting defensive or making solutions like a man” Jo laughed as she realized the irony of the comment.

“I totally agree with you, I think men can be so insensitive sometimes” Kerry laughed still holding on to Jo’s hand. Jo lifted her hand and touched Kerry’s face gently stroking her hair as Kerry pushed her head towards Jo’s hand, the mutual caress saying more than just a touch of body parts. “I have no idea how to solve this problem or even if we have a problem” said Kerry “do we have a problem or an opportunity as Bill would say?”

Bill always told them to see problems as opportunities needing more thinking time, but both of these girls had the answer but neither had the nerve to say what they wanted due to the enormity of the situation. Jo looked at Kerry as if digging for an answer in her eyes “what I’d love to do is stay for a few more days and talk this through. Remember on Friday when I asked if you wanted to adopt me and you said that I could move in? Well that doesn’t sound too silly anymore, after all I need a place to stay and you need tucking up into bed every night.” Kerry had already come to the same conclusion but needed to hear it from Jo’s lips.

“What about your stuff where would you store all of the furniture?” Jo had a quick answer “the flat was rented furnished so the only things I have are my clothes and cooking gear and you already know that I can’t cook to save my life.”

Suddenly the sun light came back out making the car brighter as if a weight had been lifted from them, both, in fact it had been lifted and they felt it in their spirits. The problem only needed talking through and the opportunity became apparent to them, they would tell Bill that Jo was moving in to help with the costs since Tom had been sent packing and she could not afford the large flat she had. The sunshine stayed all afternoon as they continued to visit tourist things and pick up small items to remember the trip with.

As they drove into the farm Anne was walking back from their chalet, she waved to them as they parked the car and walked over to speak to them, she said that she had just finished making the fire and had left a treat for them on the bed.

“Any chance of staying another couple of nights Anne?’ blurted out Kerry hoping that the place was not fully booked out.

“That’s the treat I just left on your bed, a couple cancelled today and that makes your room available until Sunday if you want it, and you can have the extra four days at half price.” The speed of sound is slow compared to the response from Jo’s lips “done” she said and jumped to hug Kerry. If Anne had any doubts they had just been blown away by Jo’s action.

“We would love to Anne, we had just been talking about how restful it is down here and we didn’t want to go back to work yet” said Kerry trying to keep some form of decorum. Anne walked off to her kitchen as Jo opened the door to the chalet, lying on the bed were two fresh bathrobes and spa bubble bombs alongside a box of chocolates. A small card sat open on top of the chocolates, it read “You seem to be enjoying this so much how would you like to stay a few extra nights?”

“Do you think she realizes just how much fun we are having or is it just a sales pitch?” asked Jo “who cares, lets just enjoy it some more before we have to go back” Kerry said putting the chocolates in the fridge.

Coming up, Kerry and Jo enjoy the rest of the break before going back to work and life together.
Anne enjoys some girl time away from the farm.

“What about dinner out tonight, somewhere posher than the caf锝 said Kerry “as long as it is not near Mark or Henri please” Jo added. Anne had let them know about another restaurant in town that they could get dressed up for and she had even phoned through a booking for seven thirty.

They had two hours to spare so Jo ran the spa again and lobbed in a bath bomb, the water fizzed as it dissolved into pretty pink particles floating on the water. Jo stripped off again leaving her clothes all over the bathroom floor, Kerry walked in carrying the two bathrobes just like last night.

“I am not too sure that I will be able to put up with a messy kid in my house but I guess I can change you” Kerry said throwing the clothes into the bedroom. This time Kerry had nothing on as she lowered herself into the water; any thought of needing a safety blanket had vanished since last night. The bubbles exploded around them as Jo hit the button for the air jets, the heat making their bodies warm while the bath bomb relaxed them.

“How long do you think it would take to get your bathroom remodeled to handle one of these?” asked Jo, “too long and too much but the patio may be a better option” suggested Kerry. They sat there quite content to just soak without talking, there was no touching or kissing but both felt the oneness of being together. Kerry finally made a move towards Jo, she leant over and kissed her gently as she lay with her head on the edge of the spa, parts of her body floating in the warm pink water. Jo opened her eyes as they finished the kiss, the beams of joy shining through her eyes seeing Kerry’s face so close. The jets finished and together they knelt in the spa, embracing as they kissed again, there was nothing overtly sexual about it just plenty of time and gentleness.

The pair decided that getting all dressed up would be fun and each had brought away some of their best lingerie and a good dress in case they found somewhere to go thinking that they may get picked up. Now the choice was far different, they wanted to look good for each other and enjoy the next few days together. Jo pulled out her corset that she had bought recently along with a matching pair of pants and seamed stockings, the corset held her breasts nicely in place so wearing a bra was not essential. Kerry likewise had her favourite corset and stockings with the sequined pattern up the outside of the legs, her dress was knee length but allowed the pattern to show with her heels.

Both girls needed help getting ready as they tied up the laces and clipped on the stockings, like the first time they had done it there was teasing with touching and smoothing but this time the feelings had somewhere to go. As the dresses settled around their bodies and they stepped into their shoes neither of them had bothered to put on any pants, a point that both were very aware of. They had done their makeup and dried their hair then put on their matching jewelry, they had never talked about what to bring with them but both had chosen the same things.

Just before leaving the farm they stopped at Anne’s kitchen door and rang the bell “just checking that we are presentable Anne?’Kerry said swirling around. Anne smiled at them both “you both look lovely, enjoy the meal but make sure you don’t drink any of his homemade grappa it has a wild bite.” Anne watched out of her window as the two girls walked arm in arm across the parking area towards Jo’s car, this time Kerry opened the door for Jo and let her get in before closing the door and getting into the driver's side.

The restaurant was far better than just the other café’s for tourists, the waiter had a suit on and a couple of waitresses served drinks while music filtered through the building. The two girls sat politely as the waiter unfolded the napkins and placed them on their laps, the water glasses were half filled and each got a menu to choose from.

Jo looked up at Kerry “I’m not sure that I can handle myself correctly in this place, I hope I don’t embarrass you” said Jo. “Just relax and if in doubt follow me, I had to learn which fork to use at which time and which glass for red or white wine” Kerry said trying to help her relax.

The room held enough tables for around forty people but tonight they only had twenty five, mainly in couples but one large family group that obviously were celebrating the arrival of a baby. Kerry watched as the baby was passed around the table and each person kissed her and smiled as she looked into their eyes wondering who they were. Thoughts of motherhood popped into her head and the fact that there was a whole part of being a woman that she had missed out on and could never enjoy. Jo caught her watching the baby.

“I missed out on that one too, my plumbing is as useful as yours will be” Jo said looking into Kerry’s shocked face. “What do you mean, can’t you have any children” Kerry asked reflecting the pain she felt for Jo, “not unless they invent replacement plastic wombs, mine got removed just before my thirteenth birthday due to massive internal infection.” Kerry really did feel sorry for Jo having no chance at something so fundamental to being a woman, the chance of bearing children.

The waiter came back before Kerry could ask anymore, “would you two lovely ladies like more time to think or are you ready to order?’ he asked politely waiting for their answer. Their specialty was seafood around beef or pork and served with hot roasted vegetables and a variety of gravies and fresh green beans. The wine choice was much harder and they opted for his choice of semi sweet white with not too much youth, whatever that meant.

Kerry waited until the waiter had left before asking about Jo’s situation, “is there nothing they can do to help you conceive or is everything gone?” she asked before the wine water came back showing them the bottle and pouring a sample for Kerry, who seemed to be the dominant person. Kerry sipped the glass, not quite sure what she was looking for but said “thank you” he poured two half glasses and left the bottle sitting in an ice bucket near the table.

Jo told Kerry about her infection after getting appendicitis and how the infection meant she had a radical hysterectomy before even being old enough to use what she had. Her ovaries had gone as well as her womb, there was no risk of pregnancy no matter how hard she “banged around”. A hint of sarcasm came through her comments, but it also explained why Jo had appeared out of control some times. Kerry reached out her hand to hold Jo’s but it was firmly around the glass, even after seventeen years the pain was still evident to Kerry.

“There’s only one option I have and that is adoption” said Jo putting her glass down, “is that what you would like to do?” asked Kerry, not really sure why she was saying that. Jo looked up from her glass suddenly as if a light had been turned on or a gunshot had gone off in the room “I’m not sure what you are saying in this, would you want a baby around the house?” Jo asked rather surprised at the option.

“Hang on lets back pedal slightly, today I adopt you then tomorrow I adopt another, that’s moving too quickly even for me.”

The entrees arrived as they sat there talking about the rest of their holiday plans, a cave tour followed by a trip down around the big trees by bus sounded a good idea. Kerry couldn’t get the comment out of her head and had no plans of starting the conversation again. Jo on the other hand had been thrown a life line with flashing lights on it and big red sign that she thought read “promise”.

The meal and wine drifted into dessert then coffees, the amount was not huge but with corsets on neither had room to spare, about half way through the night Jo leaned over and whispered to Kerry “you know I have no knickers on and I know that you don’t either.”

Jo’s foot had slipped out of her shoe and was rubbing up the inside of Kerry’s leg, the table cloth was long enough to hide what she was doing but the look on Kerry’s face was priceless, she bit her lip as she tried to appear in control and behaving in public. It was going OK until Jo’s big toe reached the middle of her upper thigh, her legs opening to allow Jo to go higher, but with little legs she would have to shuffle down the chair and that may have been too bold an option.

Instead Kerry did the same but with longer legs it was Jo that got the sensation that she had planned for Kerry. Jo giggled as the waiter came to remove her coffee cup and ask if they wanted anything else apart from the bill, it was definitely time for the bill and home as Kerry fumbled for her credit card in the purse while trying to put her shoe back on at the same time.

The pair giggled like school girls as they left the restaurant and walked down the road arm in arm towards the car, the evening was still warm enough to allow them to walk without getting cold as the cloud cover was ready for rain overnight.

“You are so wicked, fancy doing that in public” said Kerry amazed that she had also joined in and even enjoyed the thrill of what they had done. “What’s to lose, they don’t own the rights to having fun do they” replied Jo in her cheeky manner that Kerry loved.

As they reached the car and Kerry went to open Jo’s door, Jo turned around and faced Kerry then kissed her with the same level of passion as last night. “I am so loving being with you, even if you do get a little uptight sometimes” Jo said coming back for another kiss.

The streets were empty but still it made Kerry think of what she was getting into with Jo, had they thought it through properly or would that just confuse things. Jo slid into the car as Kerry closed the door, walking slower around to her door unable to let go of the last thought even as she quietly drove back to the farm and opened the chalet door. Jo noticed how absent Kerry seemed since getting into the car and asked her what was going on in her head apart from the normal stuff.

“Let me put the kettle on for some hot chocolate while I get changed” Kerry said as Jo dropped her dress on the floor and just wrapped the bathrobe around her corseted body. Kerry followed suit except she hung up her dress and put the shoes away in the cupboard, the drink being put on the small coffee table by Jo as the fire received another log, big enough to last a couple of hours.

As Kerry sat down and picked up her mug Jo came straight to the point “OK spill the beans, what happened back there that made you switch off?’ Kerry took a sip, then another one trying to get the words into order. Jo waited patiently as Kerry had obviously reacted to something; the suddenness of the change had been almost instantaneous. Kerry shuffled around on the floor getting comfortable and ready to talk.

“You know me better than anyone else at this stage of my life, right? You think I can handle what others think about me because I have made so many changes in my life but that’s not true. I have cried so many times as people have been rude or hurtful to me or about my choice of lifestyle. I have had to battle bigots and rednecks, zealots and plain old stupid people that always knew better than everyone else. I have done what I have because I felt there was no other way to go and only that determination has kept me going.”

Jo sat there listening to what she was saying but already knew about the pain she had gone through to get where she was, “sorry but I must be missing something” she said asking Kerry for help. “How does this apply to here and now, I’m confused?” Jo said trying again to make it clearer for Kerry to answer.

“It’s just that if you move in with me then others will know how we feel about each other and that will hurt you, I can’t let that happen to you, precious one.” Jo leaned forward closer to Kerry, “is that what it’s all about, you don’t want to see me get hurt, that is so sweet” she said leaning closer to kiss Kerry.

Kerry pulled back “it’s more than you getting hurt it could impact on your job and family as well, this is more than just changing flat mates, or at least it is to me.” The tone of Kerry’s voice had changed and Jo saw what Kerry was getting at, the risk of being cut off from those that we have loved for so long or held as dear to us, the risk of losing so much to gain something that may be so flighty.

“But those things are not worth keeping hold of if I have to go through life always wishing that it had been different and losing your love.” Kerry could not argue as Jo had put her own thoughts back to her as the only reason to proceed, “there is no turning back from some decisions, are you absolutely sure?” Kerry asked as she held Jo’s hands in hers.

Again the morning light filtered through the gaps in the curtains but this time the sunlight came without the clouds or rain drops on the roof. Breakfast was at eight and the two girls walked into the kitchen as Anne brought trays of bacon and eggs to the bain-marie, she noticed they were holding hands.

“Did you have a good time last night, with the food I mean?” Anne asked before quickly turning her back on them to hide her face after making the mistake.

“Yes thank you Anne, the place was fantastic and so elegant, they nearly had to kick us out we stayed so late” Kerry said trying to help Anne out of her embarrassment. They sat at a table as Anne brought hot tea and coffee to their table and filled up the large mugs with the farm logo on the side.

“Is there anywhere else that you would recommend we could go to for tonight’s dinner?” asked Jo, “we came away hoping to get Pampered.” “Well since you mention it there is a place that does full body massages and beauty treatments down in the forest but you may not feel like driving afterwards, they reckon people just want to sleep.” Kerry looked at Jo “that sounds more like a daytime activity than a dinner thing” they both looked at Anne “yes it can be but they also offer an evening session for those that want to stay a night” added Anne as she served out Jo’s food onto the plate, by now she had come to remember what Jo would eat for breakfast.

“We could always go for a afternoon session and stay for an early dinner before driving home?” suggested Kerry as she drank from the large mug of freshly brewed tea. “I’ll get you the phone number” said Anne disappearing out the back of her kitchen.

“I think she saw me holding your hand as we came into the room” said Kerry. Jo made no comment, in her mind the situation was not worth talking about, it was her decision who she loved and she really had decided that she loved Kerry in the most intimate way and emotional way as well.

The booking was made for 2:30pm so that left them four hours to kill, Anne let them know about the feeding jobs on the farm if they felt like doing something slightly messy. Well, that was an understatement as the two girls walked back into Anne’s dining room with two of her sons after chasing animals around the paddock and falling flat on their faces.

The look was priceless as Anne snapped a few shots on her digital camera, “let you have a copy before you leave” she said trying hard not to laugh too much. “Anyway they say mud is good for your complexion and cheaper than the beauty spa” Anne said throwing them an old towel to wipe their faces.

The two had not laughed so hard for many months, the cows had moved every time they got near and herding them into the pen meant running ahead of them to head them off, something the cows knew all about. The sheep didn’t behave any better and the rams actually butted Jo on the side of her leg when she got in the way of where they intended ongoing. The crunch came as Jo tried to wrestle an old sheep into the pen and Kerry joined her trying to lift it up, the animal weighed far more than it looked like and as they pushed it simply moved sideways causing them to fall flat on their faces into the mud, whatever else was in the mud they didn’t want to know about.

Anne handed them mugs of hot coffee as they stood near the door, too afraid of leaving mud everywhere. “I better show you where the outside shower block is and if you leave your clothes in the trough I will make sure they are washed in our heavy duty washing machine” Anne said leading the way.

“I’ll get you a pair of bathrobes, the door leads into our back lounge when you are clean enough” Anne said closing the door behind them. As they started to strip off the muddy clothes and put them in a pile on the floor Anne knocked and hung up two bathrobes then locked the outer door and went back through the internal door “better lock this behind me.”

The water was hot and the shower big enough for both of the girls to get in together, as the mud washed off their faces the giggles started again. Jo found a lump of mud on Kerry’s face and wiped it across her face, Kerry retaliated by rubbing her hair all over her face. Jo grabbed Kerry and wrapped her arms around her.

“This is far more fun than hitting the keyboard all day, lets stay on holidays” Jo said as she kissed Kerry. Kerry kissed her back then said “and after four weeks what would we do to stop from getting bored?” “OK but it would be fun trying it sometime” said Jo picking up the bar of soap from the floor and lathering up her hands.

Kerry went back to cleaning her hair “with our workload two weeks would be a long time and four weeks would be a lifetime” she said stepping out of the shower. Jo washed her hair then turned off the water “I think Bill would have kittens if two of us went on leave for more than a week” she said wrapping a fresh bathrobe around her body and drying her hair. The pair walked back into the guest lounge as Anne brought their coffees out for them. "Here you are and your complexion looks so much better” she laughed.

Jo and Kerry took the mugs and sat down in the large leather chairs sipping the hot liquid, “come and join us Anne” Jo told her “let me just get my drink then” Anne said leaving the lounge for a few seconds. Anne sat in one of the chairs and took a drink, “it’s been good chatting to you two each day, gets boring having only men around the farm all day every day.”

“Know just what you mean, sometimes only a woman knows what you are going through isn’t that right Jo?” said Kerry as Jo nearly coughed out her coffee.

“Is that why we get on so well, dear?” replied Jo with Anne left wondering what was being said around her. Kerry shook her head as if to say 'should have known better than to start something' Jo just laughed again and continued drinking from her mug.

Anne put her mug down and turned to Kerry “how long have you two known each other, you seem to get on really well?” Jo looked at Kerry, Kerry looked at Jo, neither sure what to say.

“Kerry worked at the same place I do for about a year before I got to know her as she really is then we became best friends probably about seven months ago” Jo said choosing her words very carefully.

“But this week has been extra special for both of us, we haven’t had to do anything but rest and enjoy our time” Kerry added. They chatted about work and going dancing then the stress of doing too much just to get jobs finished on time.

As Anne stood up to go back out Kerry said “why don’t you come to the beauty spa with us, get away from the boys?”

“I would love to but we have guests arriving at six and they will need to be shown around” she said with a look of disappointment on her face.

The two girls finished their drinks and went to the back door, their boots had been washed and placed near the door ready to walk back to the chalet. The sight of two women walking around the farm in white fluffy bathrobes and wellington boots would have made a great photo but luckily only the cows were watching.

The internal phone rang as they closed the door “It’s Anne here, can I take you up on the offer but just for the beauty part?” she asked Jo who told her “no problems, I’ll call and change the bookings for three of us.”

Lunch was a quick bite to eat of cheese and bread and a piece of fruit before the girls finished their dressing and basic makeup, after all it was about to be mudded, cleansed, blasted or whatever else they had booked as relaxing. Anne met them in the car park, she had made some effort to get dressed up but compared to the girls she still looked like a farm hand. Jo drove the car this time and Kerry sat in the front talking to Anne as she navigated to the beauty spa, it was nestled in a wooded area around a small stream. They parked the car and within only a few minutes they had been shown into a room that was equipped for four people, it had four large reclining chairs and a couple of massage beds.

Outside the sliding glass windows a cane furniture setting with table and four chairs looked out to the stream and open fields, the sides were frosted glass to give privacy from the rooms next door.

The receptionist told them to get changed into the robes that hung in the wardrobe and pour themselves a cup of herbal tea to relax, the session would start in around 20 minutes, she pressed an “occupied” button as she left the room. Jo opened one of the wardrobes and pulled out the three robes which were very fluffy and white, “these wouldn’t last down on the farm with our muddy faces, would they?” she said putting them on the chairs.

Jo, as always, just jumped straight in and dropped her jeans and peeled off her jacket and blouse to reveal her bra and pants in a matching dark blue colour. Kerry followed suit but not as quickly, her jacket and sweater came off then she sat and pulled off her shoes and socks before standing to take off her jeans. Like Jo she stood there in her matching bra and pants, this pair in black with red flowers around the edge and her cleavage showing the quality of work the doctors had done on Thailand. Jo had flipped her bra over a chair to let her young breasts free from the restriction that had held them firmly in place.

Anne had been slow to remove her clothes probably due to the two semi naked and well trimmed bodies that occupied the room with her. Anne was not tall or thin, her body was more stocky than trimmed and as she finally revealed her underwear it showed supermarket brands rather than the sensual lingerie that Kerry and Jo both insisted on wearing to feel feminine. Anne quickly pushed her bits into a pile on the floor of the wardrobe and threw in her bra causing her boobs to sag onto her belly.

“Look at you two, how do you keep yourselves looking so good?” she commented not really expecting an answer. Jo handed her a robe “by not being able to have children, if you call that a blessing” Jo replied with a downturned frown. “By paying lots of money to the specialists in my case” Kerry added “and before you ask we would both gladly swap with you if it meant that we could give birth to children, stretch marks and all.”

Anne looked sadly at both of them “sorry I shouldn’t have said anything, I am so sorry please forgive me” Anne said trying not to look directly at the pair. Kerry was first to move, she hugged Anne “don’t worry we each have different reasons and you were not expected to know”, Jo rubbed her arm “no problems, it’s our problem not yours” Jo said.

“Now, what type of tea do you want, green tea as usual Kerry?” Jo asked turning to make three cups of herbal tea. “I haven’t ever had anything but black tea with milk” said Anne, again shy that she was showing her farm upbringing. “I’ll choose for you, St John's Worth is good for stress and you probably could do with some relief about now” Jo said pouring out the water into three cups.

As they sat looking out of the windows Jo was lost in the thoughts of what Anne had brought up, she would have given anything to be able to be a mother, Kerry on the other hand had children but would never know the joy of breast feeding or intimately nurturing a young child.

Sitting in the sunlight behind the glass windows they could feel the warmth of the sun even while wrapped in the robes sipping tea. They all felt like the world was slowly drifting away from them, and falling asleep would have been very easy. The door bell rang and then in walked two attendants to start the session, “who would like to go first with the deep soaking?” one of them asked while the other one put out towels over the massage beds and wheeled a trolley of oils and things between the two tables.

“I’ll go first then you two can have the massage together” said Anne glad to get out of the room for a few minutes. Anne was led through to a large bathtub of what looked like milk with flowers floating on top, “do I drink this or sit in it” she laughed to the girl as she closed the door.

“Just take off your underwear and step into the tub very carefully, it is very deep and the steps are hard to see” Anne was told. The girl held out her hand to take her robe then her pants, Anne nervously pulled them down going red as she did so.

“The bath is heated so you won’t get cold and when I leave the room will be warmed up as well, I’ll be back in around fifteen minutes to take you to the next session” and with that the door was closed behind her. As Anne sank into the liquid she could feel gentle bubbles rising from the bottom of the tub, then the lights dimmed and soft music started, the sound of running water and birds singing. Anne found herself lying back with her head out of the milk, or was it just white water, either way it felt slippery and oily as the bubbles got bigger, relaxing was only part of the sensation, her skin tingled as she lay there.

In the other room Kerry and Jo had laid on the two beds and covered in oils from head to toe, the robes had fallen to the ground and while Jo had discarded her pants as well Kerry still held onto her safety garment as Jo called her pants. Two naked bodies lay glistening in the sunlight, the music playing softly in the background and two massage girls working from head to toe gently pushing out the stress they had felt during the last month or so.

Essential oils burning in the room added to the feeling of relaxation and being Pampered as the knots came out of their bodies. Both girls had turned to look at the other and between times of massage they stole a glance at each other, Kerry looking at the delicate body of Jo wondering what she had got into and Jo smiling at Kerry happy to just be with her best friend. The massage took nearly thirty minutes and they were left to just lay there dozing as white sheets of muslin covered the oiled bodies.

Anne sat in one of the recliners wrapped in just her robe drinking from a water bottle. Kerry was taken to the milk bath and the same comment but this time she asked if she could leave her pants on “not a problem, just hope you brought some dry ones to go home in” said the girl as she left the room and the music started as before. Anne’s next treatment was a massage while Jo got her foot soaking in a hot foot bath then rubbed all over to remove dry skin and hard spots, then Kerry came back for the pedicure as Jo went to deep soak her body. She dropped her robe as soon as the door was closed “I can see that I don’t have to ask you to take anything off” chuckled the girl.

“Kerry gets a bit sensitive sometimes” said Jo guessing that Kerry had objected to taking off her pants.

For the next three hours they were rubbed, soaked, rinsed, bubbled milk over their bodies and lay in the chairs with chemical masks on waiting for the timer to go off. A little after five they were near the windows having their nails redone by two young girls that looked like they had just left school but had immaculate skin, hair and nails. They had been given glasses of wine to drink and a plate of cheese and fruit sat on the table for them to eat.

Anne had selected to get her hair done and was having her makeup done as a special treat, “I could get used to this lifestyle” said Anne looking at her face in the mirror as it started to look totally different.

“A good coat of paint makes anyone look and feel better” said Jo without opening her eyes, the sun now starting to set in the distant farmland. “Your husband will wonder what you’ve been up to coming home like this” said Jo “or what he’s going to be in for.”

“Always thinking about sex, I don’t know who brought you up girl?” said Kerry “Jo has a way with words that most of us don’t understand Anne, just ignore her.”

The sun was dropping below the horizon as they finished their drinks, Anne had to be back by six and had arranged for her husband to pick her up at the spa. She slipped her clothes back on before thanking Kerry and Jo for inviting her, “I have so enjoyed today, thank you” she turned and started to leave. Anne came back into the room and hugged Kerry and Jo, the tears in her eyes would have smudged the makeup if she hadn’t stopped herself.

Both girls had brought different clothes to change into for dinner, which was being served in a decent sized dining room containing a large fireplace in the centre of the room and full length glass windows went round half circle giving a good view of the outside gardens. The food was light and sufficient but the atmosphere continued with the gentle music and subdued lighting as the gardens sprung into life with coloured lights and water fountain. Jo and Kerry sat almost side by side looking out of the windows, their hands touching every so often but trying to be discreet.

They left there around eight thirty feeling very relaxed and Pampered, Jo opened the car door for Kerry and let her get in before closing it behind her. The car was looking out towards the lights of the fountain and garden, Jo put the keys in the ignition but waited as they sat there in no hurry to go home.

“I could get used to this lifestyle too” said Kerry holding Jo’s hand gently in her own, “but only as long as you were here with me.” Jo leaned over towards Kerry and a gentle kiss was followed by a couple more before they drove out of the car park and headed back to the chalet.

Anne’s kitchen light was on as they pulled into the farm, “lets just see how Anne is feeling” said Kerry always thinking of others. They parked the car and walked over to the kitchen hand in hand like lovers strolling through the moon light, Jo could see Anne standing by the stove and knocked at the door. Anne waved them inside, she had changed into a dress and a good pair of shoes.

“The kids are in bed eating popcorn and watching videos so we are going out for late supper” she beamed. “Told you that a coat of paint works wonders” said Jo smiling at Anne, “thanks again for taking me with you, better go before we change our minds.”

Kerry closed the back door and stood looking up at the moon light, the clouds looking very thin as the light went through them, “reflected sunlight” she said thinking of something profound. Jo looked up to see the moonlight, “the moon has no ability other than to reflect what is shone on it” she added sensing something forming in her mind. “It’s beauty comes from what it shows others about the company it keeps, sort of like you and me precious one” and her arm went around Jo “we can show others how to enjoy life.”

Kerry had never really thought about her life as being one that would demonstrate anything good, in fact others had said that she only showed the bad side with her weakness and decision to follow her heart. They slowly walked to the chalet and Jo opened the door, “is this what life is going to be like from now on, touching other people’s lives and seeing them respond?” asked Jo.

Kerry stepped inside but the thought had taken root, her joy was to see others become better people and get more out of life. That was why she had got on with Jo so easily, Kerry saw that Jo had so much to offer as long as she could get over the problems in her life. Her nature was friendly and outgoing but had masked the darker despair of being sentenced to a barren life, it had impacted on her life in ways that she had only just verbalized to Kerry. Still Kerry knew that she would continue to see Jo grow into all that she was meant to be, a very precious one to many people.

Kerry closed the door and Jo was waiting for her, her arms slid around Kerry’s waist and she pointed her head towards Kerry’s face. “How can I help but love being with you” Jo said waiting for Kerry to kiss her, the wait was less than a second and they found each other. Kerry lead Jo to the bed holding her hand, as they kissed again the light was turned off and the glow of the fire once again lit the room in shades of red and yellow. Kerry slowly unzipped Jo’s dress and helped her out of it, then placed it over a chair. Jo did the same allowing Kerry’s sleeveless dress to fall to the floor, they stood in just their underwear and heels looking at each other in the fire light. Jo’s hand touched her face and Kerry melted, she had longed to be loved as a woman but never had thought it would be like this, her wildest dream was to be a woman in all the essence of her mind.

Gently Jo reached around Kerry’s back and undid the clasp of her bra letting it fall to the ground alongside the dress that Kerry had stepped out of her pants finding the same destiny in a single movement of Jo’s hand. Standing in just her 3” heels and looking down at Jo she felt neither scared nor vulnerable, she had come to trust Jo in far more ways than she understood. Jo kissed her again as Kerry reached around and with the practiced ease of many years flicked the clasp open with a single hand, the other hand held her breast. She moved Jo closer to her body, the pants taking a similar time to hit the floor mainly through Jo’s active participation.

The shoes lay on the floor as both girls stepped out of them and lay on the bed that had been turned down by Anne when she had prepared the room for their late return. The slow embrace and kisses took longer than dinner, the gentleness as they once again explored each other's body finding spots that brought ecstasy. The fire may have died out but under the blankets the love of these two went on through the night, there was no rush to get there and fall asleep.

The rest of their holiday seemed to fly by and as they hugged Anne and promised to return it was also exciting for them both. The journey was just beginning for these two and although they had little understanding of what lay ahead they had committed to taking the journey together. Driving home would always be a somber event after a whole week away from work, the two spoke generally about how they could move Jo’s stuff and where she could store things but the main talk was about working together. Jo said she could not move in for at least two weeks as she had to get new tenants to take over the lease as well as packing.

Kerry could have just pushed it aside let her move straight away but she wanted to make sure Jo felt the same after holidays. Jo stopped at Kerry’s place on the way home and as Kerry dragged her bags inside it was Jo that wanted to see where she was going to sleep.

“Which side do I get?” she asked Kerry who had always slept on the right hand side. “I guess you get the left side since it’s my bed” said Kerry “let me make a cuppa, I need to ask you something first” Kerry said closing the bedroom door.

Jo looked at the closed door and concern came into her mind. Jo sat at the table while Kerry prepared the drinks, green tea for her and Honey and Cinnamon for Jo. Jo took her drink and followed Kerry into the lounge, Kerry sat on a single chair forcing Jo to find a spot on the settee by herself.

“What’s up, have I done something wrong?” Jo asked. Kerry looked at her trying to make sure she said only what she meant “you’ve done nothing wrong, I need to say something though” Kerry took another sip of tea.

“I know that we have had a great time away and I have loved every single minute with you but I need to make sure that you are not doing this out of the wrong motive” Kerry stopped. “No, that came out wrong let me say it again, what I think we feel for each other has to be so compelling that to do anything else would nearly kill us. Even that doesn’t sound right, look, are you absolutely sure that you want to do this because if you got hurt I would hate myself and I couldn’t live with that.”

Kerry looked at Jo to see if there was any response, Jo put down her mug on the table and moved to kneel on the floor next to Kerry. “If I had any doubt about this I would not be doing it” Jo said taking hold of Kerry’s hands, “I love being with you silly, anyway I’m big and tough.”

Kerry and Jo had decided to take the two weeks before she moved in and part of that was so Jo could change her mind at least that is what Kerry thought. Monday was back at work and the normal grind of consulting and sales plans for the new financial year as well as several longer term projects that could mean travel around the nation for some lucky consultants.

Kerry had only flown once since starting her transition, she carried a letter signed by her doctor to testify to her emerging gender compared to the passport she had flown on to Thailand. The customs guys had seen it all before but it still made travelling very disconcerting for Kerry having to present photo ID at each airport and check in lounge.

One of the shorter projects involved a demonstration come training session in Fiji, the client already had the basic modules but wanted upgrades, training and a look at the other features that had been mentioned at time of purchase. It could have been one person but Bill had decided that two could make the trip as training was going to be very tight given the limited time available for the managers. Kerry’s offsider had precedence on this type of trip but his wedding anniversary was in the middle of it and his wife could not get any time off work.

Bill asked Kerry if she could fly without problems and offered her the sales job, Bill asked her which of the consultants she wanted to travel with her since it would be fairly close quarters. Although Jo and Kerry had decided that they had to be very careful of how they interacted at work since the wrong message could get both of them fired it was Jo that Kerry selected to go with her. Jo also got scheduled for a trip to Adelaide for a week and then onto Sydney to help with training for another implementation before returning to Adelaide for the final cross over, she would be away for nearly three weeks.

The second quarter being just as heavy if all of the sales came through but Bill promised that each person would get an extra week of annual leave if the projected budgets got met. By the end of the week the Fiji trip had been delayed due to fighting, the tech guys had hardware issues to solve and the training in Adelaide was held up by the resignation of the project leader, just a normal day in the office for consultants.

The plan was for Jo to tidy up her flat then move on the second weekend, instead she came around every night just to spend time with Kerry. At work the pair played it very straight, so to speak, they told everyone about the holiday trip and the pampering they got but left out any details that could have drawn attention. Jo mentioned Tom’s pig headed attitude and the girls all felt for her and they totally missed the small glances that she made to Kerry during the day or the little touches when they passed in the corridor, almost everyone expect Bill that is.

Two weeks and Jo was almost living at Kerry’s place anyway but cleaning the flat took the whole weekend and by Sunday afternoon they had both collapsed onto the settee needing to rest.

“What say we order takeaway Thai and open a bottle of wine to celebrate your moving in” said Kerry hoping that she didn’t have to do any cooking. “Good idea, I’ll go Red Curry please” Jo said heading for the fridge to get the wine, “hang on, we still need to pick it up from the shop” said Kerry. Kerry called the “Thai rack” and ordered the food, it would be ready in just ten minutes.

“OK I’ll get it if you just tidy the lounge up” Kerry said heading out of the front door with her keys.

Fifteen minutes later and Kerry walked back in carrying two tubs of curry, rice and some custardy looking dessert. Jo had decorated the room with candles and put cushions over the floor near the heater, the lights had been turned off and the wine sat already poured into two glasses. On the coffee table sat a box covered with silver foiled paper and a large red ribbon on the top, Jo stood holding out a glass for Kerry.

“You did say celebrate didn’t you?” she said as Kerry put the food on the kitchen table and took the glass of wine from Jo.

“What’s the box all about?” Kerry said sitting on the floor “just a little something to say how I feel about you” said Jo and she held up her glass to tap on Kerry’s glass.

“Cheers here’s to good flat mates” and they both sipped the wine. Jo handed Kerry the box for her to unwrap making sure it was upright as it went onto the table, the box was bigger than the contents so Kerry cut the ribbon loose then peeled the tape off the paper. Inside was a plant, “It’s a happy plant” Jo said “because you always make me feel so happy to be around you and hopefully it will grow and not die.”

The next Wednesday at work, Sue suggested that it was time for a girls night out, dancing and a few drinks so after they had finished their after work drinks on Friday they piled into Sue’s Tarago and headed back to Kerry’s place to get ready. The three girls followed Kerry and Jo into the flat, they had all been there before but not since Jo had moved in and the painters had redone the patio and bathroom. Gwen and Rachael looked out of the windows towards the river admiring the view as Sue went to the toilet, on her return she noticed that the spare bedroom was just that, spare except for several boxes with packing tape to keep them sealed.

Jo poured a couple of glasses of wine and handed them out as Kerry went off and got changed into her dancing gear. It took a while but they all got changed and applied their makeup ready for the night out, Sue never said anything about the sleeping arrangement choosing to stay quiet. The Tarago still had a load of kids toys in the back but at least the seats had been cleaned since last time, Sue parked near to the club they had chosen then together they all walked in, five women ready for a good night out. They drank and danced, they got chatted up by Friday meat merchants, and settled down for a late dinner, then more dancing.

It was probably around ten thirty that the music had swapped to a couple of slow numbers when Jo and Kerry found themselves on the dance floor. Jo slipped her arms around Kerry’s waist and Kerry’s went around her shoulders, they just went on dancing but at the end Kerry bent down and lovingly but gently kissed Jo.

“Oh My God” said Gwen as she saw what had happened, Sue had seen but still kept quiet not wanting to say anything, “have we missed something girls?” she asked as the couple sat down again at the table. Kerry realized she had made a mistake and covered her mouth with her hands, Jo just sat there and smiled at Sue and Gwen.

“I think it would be a good idea to come back for coffee at our place” said Kerry in an attempt to contain the damage. Jo and Kerry walked arm in arm back to the car with Kerry whispering in her ear, “looks like we lasted only one week kiddo.” Jo smiled at her and squeezed her tighter, “just hold on I know these girls better than you do, trust them.”

The drive was slower than before or maybe the fear just made it seem slower in Kerry’s mind, Jo unlocked the door and Kerry turned on the table lights before letting the three girls in. The room was now getting cold so the air conditioner was turned on to heat the place up quickly while Kerry made drinks as the girls sat down and waited.

“Ok I have one thing to ask first, can you please promise me that whatever you hear in this place stays here?” Kerry said looking around at each woman sitting around the room. They agreed in unison, words like of course and what are friends for followed by the inevitable question from Sue “how long have you to been, what can I say, good friends?”

Jo took the bull by the horns “you girls have known me for nearly four years since I started working with you, you have seen my tempers and my bad behavior but you have never seen the hurting side of my life. Kerry has come along and she has shown me so much love and concern, I couldn’t help but love the attention from her. Remember the night out we all had and the fun of getting all dressed up, she made me feel so special that night. Well things just happened on our holidays and we both just felt the same, I don’t want to go on without living my life to the full and that means telling you that I love Kerry.”

The words hung in the air like giant balloons, too heavy to rise but so full of life they could not fall on the ground. Kerry held Jo’s hand, “and just in case you had any doubt, I feel the same way about Jo, this girl makes me feel so alive and safe” Kerry said as she put her arm around Jo.

Sue was the first one to speak after a few minutes, “you are right, we have seen all of your moods but never seen you quite as happy as you have been this last few weeks, I just thought it was the rest, now I know what has caused it.” Sue hugged Jo and told her “your secret is safe with me, they have no need to know anything at work” and Jo kissed her on the cheek “thanks Sue.”

The others said basically the same and told Kerry that she had better look after Jo, better than a little sister as they all would be watching. This was the first time that Kerry had felt anything but totally accepted by the group of woman from work, they were actually guarding the youngest member of the team.

Jo and Kerry sat back on the couch , Jo wrapped herself around Kerry’s arm and snuggled into her side, “guess we let the beans out of the bag sis” Jo said giggling like a child. The beans as they say had not only been let out but had been thrown all around the place, well at least at the three co-workers. It turned into a bit of a 'me also club' they all had friends that had female partners as if it made them each better people for knowing someone that dared to be different. As they left there were hugs and kisses along with promises to never tell the guys at work. This time ‘never’ actually meant never and they stuck to their promises.

Kerry and Jo closed the door and just stood there hugging each other, Jo had been right she did know them better than Kerry did. Climbing into bed that night felt like a weight had been lifted off them and the risk of being outed by the girls had vanished so they had increased the circle of safety for them both.

Saturday meant vegetable and meat shopping in Kerry’s house but that didn’t mean an early start, they lay in bed drinking the cups of tea that Kerry had made. Kerry thought back only two years, the scene was very similar, only her body had changed and the person in bed alongside her. The feelings of safety had returned into her life as well as a sense of being loved by another person.

Jo had a different set of thoughts going through her head as she put the cup down and rolled over towards Kerry. Her lips found the point in Kerry’s nighty where her nipple hid silently behind the cloth, waiting for the touch of Jo’s mouth to ignite the entire body, Kerry nearly dropped her cup as Jo gently bit her nipple into life. Thirty seconds later and they had both discarded their sleepwear and lay side by side in the bed looking onto each other's eyes. The gentle stroking and kissing went on as they took it in turns to tease the other into a state of excitement before stopping and changing tack, there was no need to hurry, they had nowhere to go that could not be put off until later in the day. Kissing gave way to more intimate contact and Jo held her breasts with both hands squeezing her nipples into two peaks as Kerry brought her fully to the point of orgasm, then again just to make sure. Jo was never quiet when this happened and the sounds of pleasure drove Kerry even wilder.

Jo lay there panting and holding her breasts as Kerry just held her close, the physical intensity was every bit as high as with anyone else but now she felt loved as well and that made all of the difference to Jo. Jo waited for a while before rolling onto her side propping herself up on one arm.

“I’m still learning with this so what would you like me to do to your body?” she asked Kerry. Kerry looked rather bashfully at her “what you did the first night please” Kerry said touching Jo’s face.

“No, tell me what you want me to do, beg” Jo said very cheekily “where would you like me to touch you and what do you want me to use?” Jo continued. Kerry was surprised how being made to form the words in her mind then make the sound increased the thought of pleasure, Jo pushed her down on the bed and made Kerry hold onto the railing above her pillows. Jo pulled a silk scarf out of her bedside drawers and tied her hands to the railing, firmly but securely stopping Kerry from moving her hands.

The tongue really was mightier than the sword and Jo knew how to use it to make Kerry squirm in the bed. Unable to move her hands Kerry was powerless to stop Jo as she explored her body slowly finding out what worked just for her, the little lump between her legs never said a thing but the tip was now plumbed into a whole new set of feelings for Kerry. As the dam burst Jo pulled the release end of the scarf and let Kerry free, Kerry pulled Jo up on top of her kissing her face and lips, the tears also burst out running down Kerry’s cheeks, the hot salty liquid that had been held in for so long. Entwined as one they lay there quietly holding onto the feelings that they had only recently found they could experience together.

The final frontier approaches, will Kerry go through with the last stage or will something stop her.
The last chapter sums up her life and hopes

K

Shopping had become ho-hum over the last few months as Kerry had limited time to shop, work and study so things had to be done at double speed. Today the shopping was a time to enjoy being out with each other as well as filing the pantry with all the things Jo liked to eat. The food was packed away before lunch then Jo asked about going over to one of the bigger centre’s for some new clothes that she needed, the fashion season was already changing and Jo always kept up with the latest styles.

Lunch was bypassed in favour of a late snack in the shops, Jo had changed into what she called her shopping clothes, easy on easy off, just the sort of thing for change rooms. They must have gone through ten stores before Kerry called timeout, “this must be a young person’s activity” she told Jo who had only bought one top so far.

Coffee and cake were polished off quickly then Jo was off again, of course Kerry didn’t just stand there waiting in the shops but her decision making process was much quicker, may have been residual male genes or something. Jo found a lovely dark blue two piece that absolutely had her name on it, or so she said, then a couple of silk shirts to go under.

“Now I think I need some new underwear to go with this” Jo said looking at Kerry almost asking for permission to spend her own money. “OK since you are so precious to me I’ll let you in on a secret, let’s go to my lingerie store” Kerry said heading back to the car parking area.

It took a good half hour to get to the store but Kerry parked her car and jokingly told Jo to behave herself inside the store, “Lisa is a nice person so don’t embarrass me please.” Lisa saw Kerry walking along the pavement and before the door opened she went around the counter to greet her.

“Look at you, you look fantastic” Lisa said almost ignoring Jo. They hugged like long lost friends before Kerry introduced Jo “Lisa, this is Jo she’s a friend from work and a very good friend” Lisa looked at Kerry then at Jo “that makes you special then Jo” and she held out her hand.

Jo walked around the store as Lisa and Kerry stood near the counter talking about what Kerry had been up to, Lisa had known Kerry for more than a year before others had even seen her. Lisa had helped Kerry find bits that looked nice and felt nice even if she had nothing to put in them, the nicest bra’s always made her feel so feminine.

Jo found the corsets at the back of the shop, but it was the camisole and pants that she found so enticing, the feel of real silk embroidered with little white flowers and dark blue birds on the light blue silk. She chose a couple of pairs then moved to the baby dolls, here she found a pair that read “Precious” in sequins and chose her size then returned and chose a pair in Kerry’s size as well.

“Very nice pair of baby dolls, Jo” said Lisa as she took them off the hanger and folded them up, “you have picked up the wrong size should I swap them for you?” Lisa asked Jo.

“Not unless you know Kerry’s size better than me dear” Jo shot back with a forced smile on her face.

“I could say that I have dressed her more than anyone else has but that would be telling” replied Lisa.

“Girls, behave or I will shop in Target for my cotton tops” said Kerry slapping Jo on the arm and staring at Lisa. Jo had bought a couple of nice sets and the baby dolls but still paid less than eighty dollars, “good prices, you should come here next time you need to buy some bits” Kerry said after looking at the docket.

“Bye dear and don’t forget where I live” Lisa said, air kissing Kerry as she turned to leave.

Kerry unlocked the car and let Jo climb in before she spoke “why did Lisa get under your skin so much, she has been so good to me?” Jo sat there fuming causing her face to go red as she held her breath, “come on talk to me before you throw a paddy” said Kerry.

“Since when have I become a work mate?” Jo said misquoting Kerry’s words “and what gives her the right to be so friendly with you?” Kerry looked at Jo sitting there getting redder.

“I am so touched at your mood, this has to be jealousy” Kerry said “says who?” replied Jo grabbing furiously at her seat belt. “Says my experience precious one, or should I wait till we get home to use that phrase?” Kerry said starting the car and pulling away from the curb.

It took all of fifteen minutes to get back to the unit and park the car in the bay, most of it spent in silence until the front door was closed. Jo threw the bags on the lounge and turned to Kerry, “OK tell me off or tell me that she means nothing to you” Jo said folding her arms in defiance. Kerry held her elbows and forced her to sit down while still looking into her eyes.

“She means nothing to me and never has been anymore than just a very helpful sales person, remember buying lingerie as a guy takes either guts or good help.”

“Are you sure that’s all?” said Jo starting to calm down a little, “yes, and she must see many men in lacy lingerie everyday” Kerry joked.

“Sorry, something just snapped in me, it felt like I was being robbed of you” Said Jo “do I need to apologize to Lisa?”

“Wouldn’t hurt but we can do that tomorrow, I forgot to get something for myself” Kerry said ready to make a drink.

“Hang on, I bought you something special” Jo said handing Kerry the pair of baby dolls.

“So is that our word for each other, ‘precious’ sounds right by me” Kerry held the top against her and Jo smiled “I think it has to be cos that’s how you make me feel all the time.”

Saturday night came around and they had nowhere to go, they sat on the lounge watching TV and painting their nails and toes, matching colours of course. Kerry saw Jo’s toe ring “that looks so good, doesn’t it get in the way or hurt?” Kerry asked. “Not unless it gets squashed flat, you should get one it looks so cool with sandals and painted toes” Jo said finishing her toes.

“I could do with some new shoes so how about tomorrow we go and get one?” asked Kerry “wow, my sister gets modern looking, wonders never cease” Jo said to Kerry’s surprise.

“What do you mean, I thought I looked good, are you telling me that I need a makeover in the fashion stakes?” Kerry asked.

“Look, you haven’t had the benefit of many years of being female to help you dress” Jo said “no, that’s wrong, let me just say that I could do so much if you let me help you shop for new clothes.” Kerry could have been very hurt but instead she was jumping for joy, she had always wanted to have a fashion advisor to help her with style and makeup but nobody had offered and now she had Jo.

Sunday was going to be a long day in the city, Jo told her about the latest fashion styles and how she needed to update her wardrobe, Kerry thought that it was all nearly new and why throw out something that wasn’t worn out but Jo convinced her otherwise. By bedtime they had agreed on where to shop, Kerry was told to simply bring her credit card and open mind, Jo would do the rest. Sitting in bed with matching nighties drinking hot chocolate the threat of Lisa had vanished as far as Jo was concerned however Kerry was not so sure anymore, had she missed something in the way Lisa treated her.

Sunday breakfast was the usual for Kerry, yoghurt and fruit followed by tea, Jo on the other hand ate like a person on death row - heartily. They took their time getting ready as the shops didn’t open till late in the morning then drove into the city to make sure they had plenty of range to choose from and the better prices. Jo had a couple of shops in mind and hence they became the first port of call in their trip, the younger shops that Kerry had avoided mainly because of her fear of being caught out by young girls who had the reputation of being cunning and cruel when it came to t-girls.

The shops had a good range of spring clothes already and Jo had to focus to stop herself from shopping, this was all about Kerry she kept saying in her mind. A few clothes at each store then some new jeans or two, the latest fashion was higher cut and the exposed cheeks look had finished according to the States, where fashion was created not followed. Kerry tried on everything that Jo brought to her but the choice to buy was still hers, when Kerry came out to show Jo an outfit it was normally both of them agreeing rather than just one liking it.

“Lets get you some new shoes for those jeans, and some heels that can show off your legs more” said Jo turning into a store that had more space than shoes, a sure sign of high price thought Kerry.

It was close to four before they finally sat down for drinks and a quick bite to eat, “I think we have done everything” said Jo. “Not quite everything, there’s still the Lisa matter” said Kerry looking at Jo’s face to gauge the reaction “oh, I forgot about her” lied Jo. Kerry pushed the point and Jo finally agreed that she should do the right thing by Kerry and apologize to Lisa after all it was her problem not Lisa’s.

Kerry drove to the lingerie shop and parked right out front, Lisa always closed at the last minute and never before, Lisa was still serving as they walked in. This time the response was more subdued from Lisa possibly sensing that Jo may have been a little put out.

“Hi, back so soon did you forget something” Lisa asked Kerry “not really” answered Jo “I need to apologize to you about how I reacted yesterday towards you. I was slightly defensive towards Kerry and I had no reason to be so bitchy, so can you forgive me and let me start again?” Jo asked Lisa.

Lisa looked at Kerry then back to Jo “I gathered something had upset you when you left the shop yesterday, was it something I said to you?”

“Not so much what you said but how I thought you looked at Kerry” Jo replied, Kerry interrupted her “Lisa, Jo has just moved in with me and she had no idea how much you helped me over the year.”

“Well she had better look after you or I will volunteer for the job” said Lisa emphasizing the word will. Jo looked at her ready to pounce “just joking Jo, relax I am happily married” Lisa said holding out her left hand and showing her ring finger.

“This is a bit of a change isn’t it dear?” Lisa asked Kerry “not really, Jo has known both sides of me for at least two years and is kinda special to me, OK I really do love her and she is so cute as well” Kerry said holding Jo’s hand. Jo blushed, this was the second time they had openly declared their love for each other this weekend but Jo still found it hard to understand how others would react.

Monday was another day and back at work the new work clothes drew several comments from both the girls and some of the guys in the office, Bill being one of them.

“Looks like Jo is having an impact on your clothing choice as well” said Bill as they stood in the kitchen getting their coffee mugs refilled, “as well as what?” asked Kerry. Bill made sure no one else was in the corridor nearby, “let me just say that I’ve noticed a few funny looks and touches between you two since you came back from holidays and Jo has moved into your place, so that’s all I need to know.”

Kerry was both shocked that Bill had noticed and relieved that he was saying nothing else “I could kiss you for being so sweet boss” Kerry said touching his arm. Jo walked in just as Kerry moved her hand “it’s OK Jo, Bill knows about us and that’s all he has to say about it” Kerry said sounding more like Forrest Gump.

“We promise to keep it professional in the office, Bill” said Jo, “I have seen too much this last year to make me get concerned about a little bit of touching, just don’t let me see anything else, please!” he said and left the room. Quietly but firmly Bill had set the boundary lines for Jo and Kerry while at work, Kerry knew she had special privileges from Bill and appreciated every one of them.

Semester two started and it was full on with work and study, until the October long weekend break came up for discussion. Sue suggested that her and Gwen wanted to have a few days away from the kids and wondered if Jo and Kerry wanted to go to the farm they had raved over so much. A quick phone call and they had two chalet’s set aside for them starting Thursday night until Monday morning, “four nights without kids” cheered Sue. Bill had approved the extra day off since the entire team had been working so hard, the husbands agreed as the footy grand final meant they would be watching the TV most of the Saturday and hopefully partying into the night if their team won, kids could look after themselves with the console games.

Sue offered to drive down there after work in the Tarago but Jo preferred to use two cars in case they wanted to split up during the weekend. Straight after work the two cars headed off, it would be three and a half hours of solid driving or four if they stopped for dinner, which they decided to do about half way there. Anne had made the fires and turned down the beds by the time they arrived, chocolates, wine and fruit sitting in two baskets for the girls along with a couple of discount vouchers for a “Pampering session” at the beauty spa.

Jo led the way into the farm and parked the cars near the kitchen back door, Anne had already seen the lights turn into the driveway and came out to meet them all. Anne hugged Jo and Kerry and seemed very different to the Anne they had met just three months earlier, slightly plumper but much happier. They filed into the kitchen and Anne offered them hot drinks after the long drive, as they sat drinking them Anne spoke to Kerry patting her stomach.

“Guess what?” she said smiling, “remember the night I came home after the beauty spa and we went out for supper, well I got more than I bargained for” Anne’s smile not diminishing in any way. Kerry hugged her and touched her belly.

“I am so jealous of you Anne, congratulations” Kerry said, Jo had overheard what she said and likewise she did the same but the hurt that she felt was only just hidden below the surface. Anne gave them keys and told them they would catch-up during the stay sometime, then left them to finish their drinks while she went off to bed. They moved the car next to the two chalets then unpacked their cases, the rooms were nicely warmed and a connecting door had been left unlocked to allow them to go from room to room.

“Better knock before you come barging in here girls” Jo said to Sue “too much information Jo” Gwen said after hearing what she had said. Gwen and Sue had been given two single beds but everything else was the same, the spa and bathrobes were just like Jo had described, the fire had been loaded with extra logs as they had all night to burn.

It was seven when Sue woke up and Gwen woke slightly after her, for them it was a sleep in but for Jo and Kerry it was still early morning and time to sleep. Breakfast was at eight so the two early risers were dressed and ready to eat in plenty of time so they ate alone talking with Anne over the plate of food that neither of them ever got unless it was mother’s day.

“Kerry tells me that you girls all work together, that must be fun” Anne said making small talk “with Jo around there is always fun and with Kerry we never know what she’s going to pull out of the bag to keep us guessing” Gwen said not really thinking that it could be taken any other way.

“Yes they do seem like friendly girls to me” Anne said quite innocently “that’s one way of putting it” giggled Sue “and more so lately.” Gwen kicked Sue under the table, just enough to let her know that was not fair but loud enough for Anne to hear it. They had finished their large breakfast when Jo walked into the kitchen.

“Usual plate full dear?” asked Anne as Jo sat down near the other two. “Yes please Anne, but light on the beans please, I don’t want to scare my work mates” Jo said, yawning as she got her first mug of tea from Anne.

“Told you two that this was better than being at home, I don’t have to do anything around here do I Anne?” Jo told them as Anne placed the plate in front of her. “Not unless the dishwasher breaks down or you feel like feeding the sheep again” Anne laughed “and if you intend on doing that again I’ll get the camera ready.” Jo had just finished describing the fun they had last visit when Kerry walked into the kitchen “good morning dear, usual for you?” Anne asked her.

Friday was a day for site seeing so Sue and Gwen wanted to do the fudge factory and the main street while Jo and Kerry just wanted to explore the art stores in town, they met back up at a small café for lunch.

“Why didn’t you tell us about John’s wandering hand problem, now I need to get my jeans cleaned” Sue said as the waiter came to take orders.

“Don’t tell me, you just had to try the fudge factory and met old desert fever John” the waiter said smiling at them, Sue’s face said more than her mouth.

“Luckily he’s fairly tame, a touch here and there never hurt anyone, some actually love being chatted up for once” said the waiter leaving them with menus and returning to the front to serve other people that had just entered.

“If I wanted to be touched up then I would at least have chosen someone much younger” Sue said craning her neck to see the waiter as he walked away. “How many kids do you have Sue?” asked Gwen “who’s talking kids I was just window shopping, can’t hurt can it?” Sue joked. They ordered lunch and drinks then sat around talking for a good hour, the waiter making sure they had ample chance to re-order drinks. The afternoon sun had a bite in it and the talk of a spa sounded so inviting they decided to head back after picking up some wine and cheeses from one of the local wineries.

The spa in Jo’s room was large enough for four people so they agreed that they could all get in without trouble, Kerry wasn’t actually told about the decision until Gwen and Sue knocked on the adjoining door to come in. If it had been only her and Jo then the pants would have been long gone but Sue and Gwen made it all different for her. Jo was her normal extrovert self, everything off and into the water, Sue and Gwen a little slower but the same basic end result. Kerry walked into the bathroom with her bathrobe around her body.

“Sorry but this is just too weird for me, the guys at work would be creaming themselves if they knew” Kerry said dropping the robe but keeping her pants on. Four girls sitting in a spa, or should that be three and three quarters, Kerry had another three months of RLT to go through before being certified for her SRS.

“When I came to work with you guys this was not an image that I ever dreamt of even in my wildest dreams” Kerry said lifting up her glass to toast.

“Well, when we first met you it wasn’t that obvious what you looked like underneath, love” said Sue in a cockney twang.

“And we had no plans of hopping into a spa with you either” said Gwen “so don’t feel too bad about us.” The glasses clicked and they all toasted “here’s to our long weekend” said Jo.

Gwen and Sue had gone back to their own room when Kerry finally got time to talk with Jo, “are you OK after hearing about Anne’s little surprise?” Jo looked at her, then at the bed then finally at Kerry, “not really but I have learnt to just hide what I feel and get on with it, why cry over something that may never change” Jo said.

“Is there no way that you can have a child, what about adoption or foster parents?” asked Kerry not really thinking about what she was saying.

“I have enquired about adopting but they have so few children and so many real couples that a single mother is not going to get a look in. The other problem is that I can’t really afford to support myself and a child to any great degree, sort of weighted against me isn’t it?” Jo replied feeling rather despondent at the end.

“I suppose so, unless they would look at two of us, there again what sort of parents would we make, 1.75 women and 25% of a man, great role models” Kerry laughed.

“Would you actually do that for me, our combined wage is good but individually it doesn’t add up to that much does it?” Jo asked not sure what Kerry was earning.

“Bill always tells us not to discuss our salaries but since you live with me I guess that makes you almost family, my salary is based on base plus commission for sales and that adds up to around $100k per year and you must be on nearly that” Kerry said waiting for Jo to confirm what she said.

Jo coughed as she heard what Kerry was on “you have to be joking, the other girls are on just over half of that rate, didn’t you get the same rate as a consultant?” Jo said.

“Not really, I got far more but I thought we all had the same base rate and hourly bonus” Kerry said understanding that Bill had at least two pay scales, males on one rate and females on the other. Jo was slightly annoyed but Kerry stopped her from going into Sue and Gwen’s room to tell them “it wouldn’t do any good for the others to know either” Kerry told her.

The discussion of adopting had been pushed aside and didn’t come back while they were away on holiday but it did come back one night as they sat watching a local TV show. Children being left at hospitals or church door steps, not overseas but right here in Australia, the mother never being heard from despite offers of help. Jo sat there crying silently as the report rolled around the country looking at the cost to the community and the need for solutions that allow parents to keep their children.

Kerry glanced over at Jo just in time to see her tears being wiped away, Kerry sat next to Jo and put that protective arm around her again. The sobs started and so did the tears, they flowed for many minutes as Jo emptied her emotions out like Kerry had never seen her do.

“I can’t even imagine what you are going through precious one, at least I have had my kids” Kerry said still wondering if anything could be done for Jo. Talking was hard afterwards since Jo had taken the report so hard, it had tapped right into her main hurt at not being able to get pregnant or even adopt.

“Is there anything we can do to adopt a child?” Kerry asked “you don’t really mean that do you?” Jo asked still looking down at her hands. Kerry thought about it for awhile, she had three adult kids and even a grandchild but she could see the pain that Jo was going through and she would do anything to make her happy.

“Lets talk to someone about the options, there has to be something we can do” Kerry said not really hopeful given her age and gender issue not to mention living with Jo for only a few months. Jo wrapped her arms around Kerry and hugged her tightly “for you I would do anything” Kerry said holding her head and looking onto her eyes.

Truth is that the number of adopted children each year is so small mainly due to the large number of abortions performed; this one fact hurt every infertile couple every time they got rejected. Even when a mother had decided to put their child up for adoption a third of them changed their minds after the birth of the child but before they handed the baby to the new couple. Couples that decided to adopt for whatever reason went through so much investigation and emotional cost while young kids were popping out babies just to get the $5,000 government baby bonus not really interested in bringing the child up correctly and leaving them with relatives after a short while.

The injustice was felt by Kerry and Jo but apart from overseas adoption the chance of adopting an Australian child was so small it was not worth putting any hope in it. Adoption agencies overseas had been tightened up as children for cash schemes got blocked by governments around the globe unless you happened to be a high profile actress that would bring lots of money with her to buy a baby then fly out of the country in her personal jet. Neither Jo nor Kerry had a personal jet let alone the amount of money that it would take to buy such a child if one could be found.

There was one life line in all of these discussions with the departments, the option to short term foster an older child may be possible. Jo had wanted a baby to keep but this may be an acceptable option she thought to herself, second best well not even second if the time was very short. Kerry had some idea of the grief it could cause them and let Jo know exactly what it could cost her emotionally having to give a child back after a year of bonding and caring for them. Back to parents that may have originally lost their child due to harm or drugs or lack of living facilities, back to parents that may not even keep them long term.

“I understand the cost but the cost of not trying is just as high to me” Jo stated letting Kerry know again that it was her hurt.

University exams came around at the end of the year and Kerry buried herself in the study each night trying to finish papers and cram for the exams. The entire course would be two years of part time studies at the rate Kerry was getting through them, it added onto her other qualifications so didn’t need all of the basic modules. Exams finished before the Christmas break and all books got put away for a good three months, uni students spent the time making money to get through the year or doing practical work as part of the courses but Kerry just needed a rest.

The RLT was now over twelve months and her psych, Anne, was ready to give her the clear light to proceed but Kerry had stalled when asked the last question.

“When would you like to make the final step?” Anne asked her only to see Kerry freeze and look suddenly very uncertain of where she was going. For nearly two years Anne had never seen so much as a doubt or wrong answer from Kerry, her focus had been so tight and her confidence had amazed Anne. Somehow the single word had caused a rush of thoughts that Kerry had not allowed to come to the surface at anytime during their sessions and now Anne could see something she had missed.

“Kerry, do you really want to have the op, you could just stay as you are?” Anne tried to tell her but Kerry was away with the fairies as they say. Her mind was doing laps between losing her manhood and never being able to father children again, the futility was that Paul had had a vasectomy twenty years ago let alone the complete testicle removal twelve months ago. The impact of giving the last approval to ridding the problem was no longer a simple matter, Kerry had no understanding of why she felt that way but she did.

“I need to talk this through with Jo can I come back next week?” Kerry asked Anne then quickly left the practice.

That night Jo sat and listened as Kerry tried to unpack her thoughts, none of them made any sense to Jo, they included making children, making mistakes, losing her nerve, but nothing that Jo could put a point to.

“One thing for certain, I don’t want to stay as I am” Kerry said, “the two options are backwards to Paul or forwards to total Kerry.” Jo was being very sensitive with Kerry “do you want to go back to being a male?” Jo asked, no response “do you want to become a medically certified woman then?”

Kerry looked at Jo with a frown on her face “if I stayed as Paul then we may get a child by adoption, you would love that wouldn’t you?” Kerry asked then waited for Jo to answer.

“So that’s what all this is about, you would give up being Kerry just for me to adopt” Jo said not expecting Kerry to answer, she had finally put a finger on the issue. Kerry looked at her with tears in her eyes “is that what you want precious one?” Jo held her hands as the tears flowed down both of their faces, for Jo it was a sign of the love Kerry had for her, for Kerry it a fear of missing out on her goal but still wanting to care for Jo.

“I could not live with Paul, he was so grumpy at times I would rather have Kerry any day” Jo said “and I know that means that kids may never come but I said when we started all this that if I had to look back on my life and had missed out on your love then I would be worse off.” It took a while for them to stop crying and hugging but eventually Jo said “OK when do we want this op?” Kerry’s smile starting to appear again.

Booking an operation in Thailand could be two to four weeks but recent news reports had made Kerry nervous about the quality of hospital procedures overseas even if the cost was significantly lower.

“I think we should look at other places before making a decision” Jo said “it’s not as if you are short of a few bob is it?” The next day Kerry made a call to Anne.

“All sorted now so I won’t need an appointment next week,” “not so fast Kerry, I need to go back a few steps so see you on Friday” Anne told her, this was not a request since Kerry had shown some real doubts and the forms had not been signed yet. Friday was a long day for Kerry, the appointment was after work and Jo had offered to come along with her, normally Anne would not have allowed it but at this stage of Kerry’s RLT she wanted to make sure everything was covered. Anne let them into her room and sat around the small coffee table as Kerry explained what it was all about, Jo put in her own observations and Anne asked several open questions to make sure she understood. Anne summarized what she had heard.

“This is all because you can’t get pregnant Jo and Kerry wants to protect you from hurt, is that right?” Both Jo and Kerry nodded “then the only problem is to find you two a child, I’ll sign the release for your surgery” Anne said.

Christmas was only two weeks away and they had drawn the short straws to cover the helpdesk while everyone else had a break, actually they had traded the break for an extra few days in Fiji when the trip came around. Searching for SRS surgeons in Australia wasn’t hard but getting references on them was proving harder than they had expected. By far the majority of people preferred Thailand without any real problems as long as you chose one of the three best guys, the price between $10,000 and $20,000 depending on depth, sensitivity and finish. Several offered great websites but no positive references could be found so it was back to the drawing board until next year.

The company phone system was VOIP so Bill had the phones set to be directed to the two laptop phones during certain support hours only and the company went on annual shutdown while the two girls covered for them. Christmas day was going to be just Kerry and Jo with the kids coming over after having dinner with Janet, not quite the family affair they wanted but things would get better. Jo got on well with Kerry’s children probably due to being closer to their age, the question of her living with their father who was becoming a woman didn’t seem worth getting into. It was an emotional time for everyone and even Janet spent time talking to Kerry on the phone rather than dropping in, the fact that Jo had moved in was a major blow to her sense of well being and she had not talked with Kerry for the last five months.

Gwen and Sue had planned a New Years eve party for their families and friends so Jo and Kerry got invited along, “just bring a plate or two and whatever you want to drink” said Sue over the phone. Swimming was available for those prepared to show off their bodies and the kids would spend at least five hours in the pool.

“Taking your bikini?” Jo asked, Kerry had not been swimming in the bikini due to the amount of bump she felt gave her away. “With my figure, you have to be joking” said Kerry. Jo threw something at her “oh please, give me a break.

Since moving in Jo had adopted a better diet habit thanks to the stricter diet and exercise regime that Kerry followed and had lost a good four kilo’s in the five months but still felt like her figure was fuller than she would like. Kerry had already been thinking about summer and had planned a wrap around sarong with some very short shorts and her bikini underneath but no swimming at this stage. Jo had both one and two piece bathers but would probably go with her feelings on the day as the temperature would be around 35C during the day and still 20+ at midnight. Mid afternoon and they had finished preparing dinner and nibbles, bought the wine and drinks and packed the car ready to go to Sue’s place.

There were around twenty people at the party before Kerry and Jo got there, most of them being family members for Sue and Gwen, a couple of others had come from work and some neighbors had come over. Only a few of the people had any inkling that Kerry was ever anything other than what she presented as, the mood was light and the kids did spend most of the night in the pool. At midnight Kerry had to suffer the obligatory kisses from everyone at the party including the people she had not even spoken to.

Kerry joked with Jo “I could get them back by whispering in their ears that I’m really a man” Jo looked at her “you could but why mess with their heads.”

“So what new year’s resolutions are you going to make?” Jo asked Kerry as they sat finishing their drinks “to be the best woman I can be and forget about the cost, what about you?” Jo had to think about her wish for the new year, she really wanted a baby and recent discussions had not made it any easier for her either emotionally or practically.

“I want to be a parent by the end of the year” Jo said looking into Kerry’s eyes. Kerry thought that her wish was going to be easier to stick to than Jo’s, the prognosis for adoption was very grim.

Work was slow during the break period and with reduced time they got all of the support work done without calling on Bill for help. They had time to talk about so many things and even planned some changes to the unit, the patio had been rebuilt with café blinds to enclose the entire area. One part of the patio had been left with just cement base for a table or outdoor oven but they had no plans so it was left empty.

Kerry suggested that a spa could be installed very easily so off they went to find one, it turned out to be just a matter of choosing the size and cost then it would be delivered over the back fence. The spa they chose was cedar lined with all of the pumps and pipes enclosed with just a single power point for easy placement, it came with the usual chemicals and solid cover to keep the heat in and built in lights and wine glass holders. With Christmas specials and a bit of negotiating it came in at just over $5,000 it fitted well into their budget and was installed, filled and working within five days.

“Let’s throw a party before you go in for surgery” said Jo “you can invite anyone that has helped you get this far as a way of thanking them.”

Kerry looked at her “we haven’t even chosen a surgeon yet let alone a date” Kerry said trying to remember where she had left the decision last year.

Somehow the whole SRS had become a bit of a non issue since Jo had moved in, her life had become quieter and safer and less focused on making the final change. Kerry thought about the “final frontier” the “quantum leap” or whatever else she could call it before speaking. “I guess I need to make some decisions don’t I?”

Jo had thought that Kerry had made her decision at Anne’s practice before Christmas but now she saw another crack in Kerry’s resolve.

“I think we need to talk about this again” said Jo, not sure what was going on in Kerry’s head, the body had made the jump but the mind had been lost in hyper space. Jo made a couple of drinks and sat down waiting for Kerry to come out onto the patio, Kerry was wearing her favorite sarong and bikini which only emphasized her body shape.

“Don’t look at me like that Jo” Kerry said picking up her drink “I must be having too many girl hormones I can’t seem to make a decision.” Jo laughed at the comment, Kerry was always very focused on her goal list that had hung in the home-office work area of the unit, it listed each stage of the project and almost at the bottom was SRS and it had not been crossed off or a date set to it. Almost like the Holy Grail it had been a target for Kerry but one that no longer had the drive in it, she had transitioned at work, her life was going good and everything seemed fine so why mess with it?

“The surgery will make you complete as a woman, isn’t that what you wanted from the start?” Jo asked her trying to pull Kerry out of her thoughts.

“Actually the option was to live as a woman and be accepted as one, and I seem to have reached that point already” Kerry said sliding back into the chair.

“OK cards on table time, why wouldn’t you do it, then why should you do it” Jo prompted Kerry, “then we see which side wins."

Kerry listed the pro’s and con’s for the argument then had to sit back, she had made no firm decision or any points that stood out as deal breakers. Jo was confused by the change in Kerry’s mind and could only sit there and wait for her to give more answers, it made no difference to her love of Kerry. It was this point that made the most impact on Kerry, their love seemed unrelated to what was between her legs, it was her heart and soul that touched Jo so deeply and vice versa. After about thirty minutes the discussion had gone nowhere as far as Jo could see but Kerry finally said “Dr A and in one month's time.”

“Hang on, where did that come from you were just saying there was no need for surgery and now you want it straight away” Jo said shaking her head. Kerry told her about how peaceful her life had become and that had clouded the issue but she could see that the SRS was another step to being fully the woman she had seen in the mirror years before.

By the middle of the month the date had been booked and Bill had given Kerry permission for extended leave for the two months, some of which would be work from home. February was always a slow month for sales and March dragged so Kerry would be covered by the other sales person.

The party was planned for Australia Day, 26th January, a public holiday and with temperatures in the high thirties the spa could be used all day and night. Jo and Kerry made a list of those that had impacted on her life, Lisa, Jill, Renee, Bill, the girls from the office, some family and friends from before that had maintained the connection through all of the transition. It would be a small affair and although Janet was invited Kerry knew that she would not attend given Jo’s presence.

Kerry booked a catering firm for the evening and had the back fence taken down to allow everyone to have a clear view of the fireworks. The strata property stretched a further ten metres past the fence line, a fact that became apparent when she had purchased the two units next door and the bank had done a property review. Guests arrived during the afternoon and sat around drinking or walked down to the river, some climbed into the spa or lay on the grass beyond the fence line. Around seven thirty Jo called them to all come inside or closer to where she stood.

“We just wanted to thank you for coming around and celebrating the day with us, not only is it a great national day but also the end of a stage in Kerry’s life. As most of you know it has not been an easy process to get to this point and Kerry wanted to thank you all for your help so here she is.”

Kerry stepped forward to the clapping of her friends “If I start to cry it’s because of all the hormones and not being soft or weak or girly like.” They laughed and at least one person said “sure we believe you” Kerry looked up at each one of them standing there with drinks in their hands to celebrate her next step.

“You guys have been so caring towards me I can’t start to let you know how much you have done to my esteem and emotional stability. Anne, you have been keeping close check on me for at least a year and know what each one of these people has done to help me get here, Lisa, you have helped me without knowing where I was going and Renee, you have helped me stay in clothes that feel great and look fantastic even when my body was not built right. Gwen, Sue and Rachael, you girls accepted me into the inner sanctum at work, the girls toilets, you took me out dancing and eating, to the theatre and even into your own homes, thanks. My family and friends that are here have been alongside me every step even when they had no idea where I was going to end up, thank you for staying close to me. Bill, what can I say about you that won’t get me fired, the first day you saw me as Kerry I had to scrape your tongue back into your head and hand feed you at dinner. You have been the best boss and trusted me with so much and given me far more grace than I ever expected thank you so much.”

Kerry turned around to find Jo’s hand and dragged her forward next to her, “precious one, you once said that to live life without living it to the fullest extent was a crime and you have certainly helped me to live this part of my life to the fullest. Jo has been like a little sister to me, she prompted me onwards whenever I stalled and stopped me when I wanted to run faster, she has held me when I have cried and cried with me when I have had nothing more to give. Jo, diamonds are formed from lumps of coal being put under extreme pressure and heat, living with me has only added to your beauty as a diamond in the making, you are truly precious to me.”

Kerry reached into her pocket and pulled out a small ring box, inside was a diamond ring with several sapphires around the central diamond, the yellow gold band glistening under the lights. Kerry took out the ring and lifted Jo’s hand “Jo, I love you more than anything else in the world and before our friends I declare my love for you” she pushed the ring onto Jo’s left hand ring finger that had been empty for so long. Jo was standing there stunned by what Kerry had just done she looked down at the ring and then at Kerry, they kissed as the guests clapped and whistled.

Kerry stopped and let Jo adjust her eyes before continuing, “next week I go into hospital to have the final stage of my transition, it will hurt and to some degree it will hurt emotionally but what makes it all worth doing is the knowledge that you guys are here when I get back. I promise that there will be no scary show and tell evenings or photos of anything other than scenic shots from Thailand and the hotel room. You have all helped me become the woman that you now accept as Kerry and that is the greatest gift you can give anyone, to allow them to become who they really are, thank you.”

Kerry spent the next hour just hugging people and getting plenty of hugs back, Jo kept showing off her ring and making sure the guests were looked after but it was Kerry that got to celebrate the process of becoming who she was.

I hope you have enjoyed my alternative release, please let me know what you feel.

Kerry

Continuing Release

By Kerry Brown

It had been nine months since the “Cross Dress For Red Cross” event when Paul was allocated to the start of a new software installation and implementation project, the client had signed up for a full installation after the sales team had performed their usual smoke and mirrors demonstration. The client's firm was a group of franchised service vehicles that had a centralized phone, admin and warehouse that needed a new accounting and CRM system to handle the increasing clientele along with a growing fleet of owner drivers. The owner was John and had asked for Paul to meet him in the offices to go over the project and discuss some of the scheduling, nothing unusual about the request or project, or so Paul thought.

“As you can see the operation is very straight forward” John said as he escorted Paul around the building, “we run a tight ship and try to make the most of technology whenever we can” John finished and opened the door into his own office. The next few minutes were just small talk as John shuffled papers on his desk, Paul wondered where he was going as he seemed to be hedging for some reason. Paul stopped John mid sentence “is there something else that I should know about John?” he asked trying to move the meeting along and get home early. John cleared his throat “yes there is, look this is very unusual of me to ask but can you give 30 minutes?” Paul agreed and walked back into the admin office. He sat and read the company annual report looking for more insight into the company, drank another coffee and ended up talking to John’s PA, Tracey.

The phone system had a Do Not Disturb light flashing over John’s name, when it went out Tracey told Paul that he could go back into John’s office, instead of John there was a well dressed woman. What he saw was a young early thirty year old woman about 165 cm and no more than 60 kg with good shape and no sign of fat anywhere. The legs were slender and fitted with a nice pair of black 4” heels and clear sparkling hose that gave great definition to her calf muscles. The waist was tight and the mid length skirt flared out over nice hips giving a good shape, her top was just as good with a hint of bra showing through the black and maroon silky top with  ¾ sleeves. The face was well made up but Paul was aware enough to find John under the makeup, which confirmed a few suspicions he had during the early meeting. John held out his hand again “good afternoon Paul, please call me Jean” the woman said in a soft but slightly husky voice, Paul gently shook the hand at half pressure making sure he didn’t squeeze the fingers. Jean motioned for Paul to sit down again, “I guess you have a few questions but first let me start” Jean said sitting down in her chair after smoothing out her skirt and crossing her legs.

Over the next half hour Jean told Paul about her desire to transition at work and a request that Paul work full time on the project from the firm’s offices. “The final request is that Kerry do the work and not Paul” Jean finally said then stopped and looked at Paul who shifted in his chair not believing what he had heard. “Let me get this right, you want to employ someone called Kerry full time in your office and Bill is aware of what you are doing?” Jean just nodded, “what makes you think she would do this?”. Jean went through his history with Jeanette, Bills wife, and the report he heard about the Red Cross event and how confident and natural Kerry had been. “Bill was very impressed with your performance but after a couple of days he put one and one together and came up with the idea that it was not your first time. When he told Jeanette about his thoughts she let him know all about my plans to transition wondering if Kerry could help me, and that brings me back to us” Jean said looking at Paul.

Paul was sitting there shaking his head, was this a setup or some cosmic conspiracy aimed at destroying his peace of mind. “As I said, what makes you think I would do this?” Paul repeated “only that I need someone like you to help me and I also thought a bonus may help persuade you” Jean said reaching for a piece of paper on her desk. “I have agreed with Bill that you would get a bonus of twenty grand for the ten weeks of exclusive work”, Jean paused then finished with “the money comes with only two points, exclusivity and Kerry.” Paul stood up and walked around the office with questions running through his head and excitement running through Kerry’s head. Jean stood up and walked around to Paul, “please think about this and let Bill know what you want to do, by the way the project is yours either way.” Two minutes later Paul was in his car driving home, questions racing around inside his head again, did Bill really know, would it hurt his career, what would Pam say, while Kerry only thought about having enough clothes for ten weeks.

Pam had been home for a while and had dinner nearly ready as Paul walked in still churning things over “ok spill it” Pam said seeing that Paul was wanting to talk. He put his computer bag down in the lounge and poured a cold drink from the fridge before explaining the project and what Jean had asked for. Pam laughed and shook her head at Paul, “how come you always seem to land on your feet, did you organise this, let me guess Kerry wants to go shopping and Paul is being gagged, and how much did they offer?”. Paul took a drink then said “twenty grand, is that enough for you?” Pam sat down “for two grand a week you can stay there the whole year” she said. Paul just did a Kerry’ism waving her hands and placing them under her chin, “I guess that I must have been a good girl this year.” “With that much we could paint the house, replace the lounge suite and kitchen appliances” Pam said staking a claim on the money. “Do I get any of the money after all I have to do the work?” Paul asked knowing that the plans Pam had could take most of the bonus. By the end of the night Pam and Paul had only one real question, “would this hinder Paul’s career at work” and only Bill could answer that question. Before going to bed Paul logged into the company email server and found an appointment set for 9am with Bill to discuss the project.

His sleep was spasmodic as the doubts ran around his head while Kerry sorted clothes into days and weeks before deciding that shopping would be essential if she wanted to look every bit the professional girl she was. Bill was in his office when Paul walked in just before nine the next day, “Okay if I get a coffee first Bill?” he asked putting his bag down and reaching for his favourite coffee mug. Paul took a long slurp on the coffee, before closing the office door and sitting down in Bills office. Bill slipped a piece of paper in front of Paul, it started off with “Agreement to Indemnify…” and covered three key areas. The option to accept or reject the special request was without repercussions, future employment would not be related to the choice, and finally it would be totally confidential from all staff and clients. Below the line were the signatures of both Bill and his wife, Jeanette who had joint ownership of the company as directors.
When Paul had finished reading the letter he felt much better but had only one nagging question left, “how did you know I would even contemplate accepting the request?” he asked Bill. Bill looked at him and smiled knowing that the answer was already a done deal as they say in sales. “Let me talk about a few things that I have noticed then you can tell me if you accept or not, firstly you never really complained when the Red Cross event was mentioned, I know you made some noises but not much. Secondly during the event you had so much confidence and natural talent at the role that it was obvious to me, later on, that you had far more going on than just pleasing the boss or client. Thirdly the plaque holds pride of place on your desk and often I have seen you cleaning it with a distant look on your face as if reliving the fun you had. I guess the real clincher was that two weeks after the ball I saw the three of you girls sitting at a restaurant eating dinner one night. I had to circle the block to make sure it was you but Sarah’s red hair stands out quite well. Did I get anything wrong in what I have seen with my own eyes?” Bill asked as he leaned forward and took up his coffee mug waiting for Paul to respond.

Now it was up to Paul, “you have known for nearly nine months and said nothing at all, I guess you don’t have problems then?” he stated wondering why Bill was so at ease over the whole thing. “I have known about Jean for well over eight years since I found John dressed up as Jean one night. I had decided to just drop in on John who was helping me with some business mentoring without thinking that he needed a phone call. Instead of John I found Jean just about to get into his car going to go out to a support meeting so he invited me to come back the next night and he would explain everything and let me ask questions as well. It was a pretty uneasy 24 hours as I went through so many ideas in my mind but as John explained his life story and confusion leading into his very own gender choice it seemed quite reasonable to me. So, no it doesn’t disturb me if you are going through the same issues.” Bill took another drink of coffee waiting for Paul’s next question, “do you want to ask me any questions?” Paul asked.

Bill had no questions but only reiterated that the choice was totally up to Paul, although it was very clear that Bill appreciated Paul even considering helping his friends John and Jean. The process had been a long time coming for John and after two false starts he had asked for Bills help in the matter. Jeanette had been glowing about Kerry and the Red Cross event after Bill showed her the photos and talked about how good they looked on the news. Paul stood up carrying his mug and said “in that case I’ll see you every Thursday for project debrief at Johns place and I’ll take two days off because I need to get my hair and nails done.” He opened the door and turned back to Bill before leaving “I would have done it for half of the amount Bill” and Kerry gave Bill a cheeky smile. A few minutes later he had picked up his bag and was heading for the lift to go home to plan the next ten weeks. Pam had four weekends away from home training and a couple of weekends where she would be working locally as well so they had agreed that Kerry could stay around 24/7 for the length of the project. The plan was simple, change, hair, makeup, nails, and a small amount of shopping just to make sure Kerry would be well dressed for the project.

At ten in the morning the traffic was all but finished so going home was even easier, twenty minutes and Paul stood in the bedroom eager to get started. The first job was to swap the drawers around, socks and jocks to the bottom and Lingerie to the top drawer. The same in the wardrobe, Kerry to the front and Paul to the back and all of the shoes and bags, actually there was far less Paul stuff than Kerry but she had “nothing to wear” and had to go shopping. Kerry slipped her breast forms into a nice light blue bra and pulled up matching knickers before sorting through her casual clothes to find a short grey cotton skirt and blouse that she liked for casual days. Kerry looked at her hair in the mirror and flicked it to the middle, by now it was just long enough for the new job at work she thought as long as she had it styled right. Colour and shape really made a difference for her confidence so a quick call to her stylist and she had an extra long appointment booked for lunchtime, a light makeup cover and she was ready for the start of day, again.

Kerry opened her laptop and logged into the main server, the software installation process involved a long needs analysis checklist that generally took 15 — 20 hours but afterwards the main configuration screens could be used quickly to get the whole programme ready. Kerry sent a copy of the checklist directly to John with a request for a meeting at 4pm today and signed the email — Kerry. It didn’t take long for John to reply and was absolutely excited that she had agreed to take the project and was looking forward to finally meeting her. The next thing she had to do was think about the number of outfits and combinations she had in the wardrobe that suited business / office work. Paul would have made a spreadsheet and done this properly but Kerry was more visual than him so the wardrobe was emptied and sorted on the bed, the floor, the dresser until she was happy. “Just a small shopping trip dear” she said to herself, but even Kerry didn’t believe herself as shopping was a time to be the girl she loved.
The project was going to be fairly easy work and with the exclusivity clause she was blocked from double timing the client with another project or support, except after hours from home. Kerry’s home office was in major need of tidying so an hour later the place was acceptable to Kerry and even smelled better after being aired. Fifty minutes to go so Kerry undressed again and entered the shower, a check for stray hairs and an alcohol scrub on the chest to make sure the breast forms would glue on properly. The glue was cold on her chest as she positioned the pink mounds, she had purchased another pair recently in a size D. The quality was so much better and after being glued in place they moved far more realistically, they warmed up quickly and it wasn’t hard for Kerry to imagine that the nipples were actually hers and that brought some excitement. She replaced the blue bra then put on a lined skirt, pantyhose and a cotton blouse which made her look good so then it was a few trinkets such as the Special K necklace, watch and rings before Kerry slipped on her sensible 2” heels ready to leave.

The hairstylist was only five minutes away and always had parking nearby so Kerry had no need to hurry and on Tuesdays the shops always looked bare. Kerry and Pam used the same place after the Red Cross event although it took some talking to get them comfortable with Kerry. This time the shear cost of the visit was enough to make them happy, hair colour and perm, acrylic nails, some permanent makeup. It wouldn’t be really permanent as it lasted for six to eight weeks before needing to be redone or so she had been told by other T-Girls. Kerry opened the door confidently and approached the counter where Jill was standing waiting for her, “nice to meet you again Kerry” she said showing Kerry through to the salon. Jill was always surprised that Paul could swap between the two sides without any visible effort and wondered what went on in his head at times. It took well over two hours but the results made Jill very proud of herself, Kerry was quite attractive with auburn streaks, thin arched eyebrows, acrylics, black eye liner and even her toes looked good in burgundy. Kerry had handed over one of her longer wigs at the start of her session for another stylist to work on and again they had not missed the mark.

By the time Kerry got home she was well and truly changed over, it would be ten weeks before Paul would be allowed to see the light of day again although he knew that coming back would be somewhat traumatic for him. Late lunch was a quick drink and then into the bedroom to get ready for meeting John at the project office, Business Formal was the order of the day. Kerry had selected her favourite dark grey fully lined skirt with dark hose and heels, a white bra and a slightly see through white blouse covered by a dark grey jacket completed her idea of what was required to assure John that she could deliver all of the goods. Retouch lipstick and Kerry was ready to go and take charge of the situation without scaring John or Jean from reaching their goals for the project.

Pulling into the car park just before four o’clock Kerry was relaxed and confident that she would pass muster, she looked at the office and set her sights. “Good afternoon, my name’s Kerry I believe John is expecting me” she said to the receptionist, “yes he is expecting you and I have to say he won’t be disappointed and by the way I’m Tracey, Johns PA” she said opening the door into Johns office for Kerry. John stood up and met Kerry as she approached his desk “well old Bill undersold your appearance I would never have guessed” he said shaking Kerry’s hand. “Thank you, I gather that your PA also knows about me?” Kerry said raising an eyebrow in Johns direction “sorry I should have told you, Tracey has been with me for nearly ten years and there’s not much that I don’t discuss with her.” Kerry sat as John moved back behind his power desk, “I would like to discuss the other aspects of the project with you to make sure that I can help you” Kerry started. “Have you made a decision on how and when the troops get told about everything, secondly are there anymore staff that know about me?”

John had prepared a simple letter to all staff but wanted to gather them together and have an informal chat with them over Friday drinks. His idea was to start a few days after the chat unless Kerry had a better idea, “sounds good to me, I’ve never had to do it before but a friend is nearly at the end of her RLT stage who works with Red Cross. Toni downloaded the framework from a tri-ess website and blended it with local terminology and reference to state laws etc. If you want I can get a copy of the document Toni sent out to all staff when she notified them?” Kerry offered. Thirty seconds later an e-mail flew out from Kerry’s blackberry or should it be pink-berry, anyway John would have a good cross check to make his letter work. John continued “I had thought about just turning up as Jean but that may be too hard to handle for the guys in the storeroom and service section.” “And what about people knowing about me?” asked Kerry again, “only Tracey knows and no one else is going to find out” John assured Kerry. Over the next hour Kerry asked about Jeans outfits, makeup ideas, final destination on the TG journey and how committed she was to making this work. John had tried several times to begin the trip but failed due to nerves and feelings of despair. It was only with the help of Bills wife and Tracey that he thought he could make it this time, and of course with Kerry’s help.

Kerry’s phone beeped and she read the SMS, “Techs leaving now, clear the building — Bill” this was her early warning system. The project called for a new Terminal Services box with RAID and auxiliary backup drives connected to a new managed hub, firewall, and second broadband connection. With Kerry running the project now, it was decided that the system should go in ahead of time otherwise she would be seen by her male colleagues when they came to install. The software install had been done in the office so the hardware install would only take an hour or so but had to be done when all users had logged out. A full system level backup of the old server was going to be done straight away to ensure no data loss during the project as well as incremental updates every night at midnight. The new managed hub and connection was designed to offer a level of protection against hackers with the entire upgrade fitting neatly into the existing communications and wiring rack. Kerry drove away happy with her activities for the day and very excited about the adventures she would have in the next ten weeks.

Pam was home by the time Kerry pulled into the drive and as she approached the front door her heels made the typical click clack on the path letting Pam know that it was Kerry and not Paul that would be coming home tonight. “Honey I’m home” Kerry joked as she put her own leather handbag on the counter and let Pam check out the hair and nails. “They did a great job on my eyebrows and nails, don’t you think?” Kerry said hoping that Pam would not be too unhappy. Pam was use to Paul taking advantage of the situation and should have expected him to go further than they had discussed, it would be nearly three months before she saw her husband again. Dinner was ready so they sat and talked about work, play and the project request. “OK, the story line for neighbors is that Paul has flown over east and his sister is staying with me for a short time to keep me company” Pam said in a matter of fact manner. Kerry and Pam relaxed and come bed time it was a nightie that came out of the drawers that made it very clear that Kerry was in the house, her breast forms jiggling out front.

Pam had an early morning session at work so left Kerry to her own devices which in its self was a worry for Pam because Kerry had planned to go shopping and could never stick to a budget. Kerry woke pulled on a pair of tight knickers then placed a silk wrap around her body, the daily toilet and washing routine followed with a light cover of makeup to augment the semi permanent items that Jill had done yesterday. She sat in the east facing sunroom eating breakfast wearing the silk wrap and pink fluffy slip-on heels while planning out her days activities, shopping, lunch with Toni, more shopping and then home to prepare dinner for Pam. Kerry could become very complacent with this style of living if she had someone to cater to her needs, financially that is. Toni sent an e-mail confirming time and location along with a copy of her document from work, Kerry forwarded the attachment to John and logged out, enough work for the day she thought.

Kerry wanted to appear at all times as a person that knew where she was going and that appearance gave her some degree of confidence when dealing with clients while dressed in a dress and heels. Some would say that offence is the best form of defence and Kerry knew how to dazzle the potential conflict makers in her work area. Sitting down at her own vanity table she applied foundation and powder to cover any beard growth, which had been declining due to some herbal tablets she was taking. A splash of blusher, eye shadow and mascara finishing up with several coats of deep red long stay lipstick, the sort that wouldn’t smudge according to the adverts. Standing there in just her makeup and underwear made Kerry think back to the time several years ago when she first appeared in the mirror. Many things come and go during a person’s lifetime and Kerry had certainly come into Paul’s life with major impact and had grown over the last year. She still waited for the jailer to come along and slam the door shut but every day the chance seemed to be getting more remote as Pam and Paul both seemed to enjoy the challenges of living with Kerry in their lives.

Kerry opened the wardrobe and perused the assortment of outfits she had, nothing cheap or secondhand, no e-Bay, or op-shop only good quality clothes. Paul’s mother had always said “never buy tat” which he dutifully obeyed when he bought fine clothes for Kerry to wear, although his own wardrobe lacked quality and colour. The weather was still pleasant and she was going to the main shopping area which meant she would be moving around outside some of the day. Functionality was very important, changing clothes all the time meant that she had to be dressed for shopping and looks. From the closet she pulled a pair of blue denim jeans with a low cut waist and a pair of comfortable shoes, just a low 2 inches. The top was a camisole style and open jacket to allow her assets to be presented properly without crowding her style, blues and white with blue canvas wedge heels and matching handbag, perfect style for shopping and lunch with a friend. The obligatory jewelry sat around her neck and adorned her ring fingers, especially the wedding band that Pam purchased to signify that Kerry was not on the market.

Toni had been working from home for the day so she caught up with Kerry earlier than they had planned and together they walked around the shops looking and trying things on like any normal girls would, the only issue was that they only looked like normal girls. Toni had really come on due to the hormones she had been prescribed by her GP and the plastic surgery on her face had healed quite quickly. Even the breast augmentation looked very good and the obvious smile on her face told Kerry that she was far happier than when they first met nearly nine months ago. Her motto was ‘no regrets’ and had been moving forward towards Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS) after being integrated into work and family. Lunch was a simple affair since both girls had to watch their figures, after all Summer was only a few months away and strappy skirts and tops needed the right frame to sit on. Toni left Kerry to her shopping and went back to work with a promise to do a group dinner again if Grace was interested in attending.

The remainder of the day found Kerry spending a small fortune on more tops and skirts as well as a few essentials such as shoes and handbags to compliment the clothes. Compared to the twenty grand bonus she would earn this quarter she had hardly made a dent but Pam had allocated most if not all of it to her project of redecorating the house. Walking back to the car carrying several bags she found herself swaying slightly in the sunlight feeling very happy with herself. The thought of real breasts like Toni’s made her think of her own journey, “where to now grasshopper?” If only it was simply a matter of pressing a button and having it done in the blink of an eye without hassle or fear of rejection. But would she choose to do it, after a whole year of being out of her prison cell the answer was clearer than before, yes she would in fact she would jump at the button with all of her energy. The old joke of “what is the difference between a cross dresser and a transsexual” the answer being “two years” made her chuckle as she swung her bags and dreamed of things to come.

Kerry loved to cook and today was no exception, from the deli in town she had picked up a couple of chicken cordon bleu with pine nut stuffing and garlic butter, throwing together a quick salad of rocket and spinach along with cucumber, small grape tomatoes, sugar peas and she was ready. The wine was chilled as usual, candles on the table and Pam’s favourite music on the stereo, the only thing missing was Paul but then you can’t have everything she said to herself. As Pam entered the house she saw the candles and heard the music, she loved the things Kerry did to say thank you for letting her out of the prison cell. If it wasn’t for public opinion she would let Kerry stay around more of the time, sort of like having the best of both worlds. The children had been told about Kerry and although they didn’t understand all of the details they loved their father and had seen the pain from two years ago when he lost his position and job after outing himself to his fundamentalist boss. Pam placed her bags in the bedroom and came out to a glass of wine and the sound of the meal cooking on the stove. She had become quite happy to let Kerry run things and take some of the strain from her life while Kerry enjoyed the opportunity of being out of the closet, as they say.

Sex was always going to be unusual with a second pair of breasts being involved but Paul and Pam had been slow with each other as they tested the ground, tonight was no different at the start of ten weeks without letup. One of the basic agreements they had made revolved around the “Rules of Engagement” that Kerry had found on the web a sort of cease fire plan for marriages in their situation. Kerry had breached it several times but only with respect to money and style of clothes and never in terms of chemical or body modifications. Pam had also had to be reminded that her signature was on the form as well when Kerry wanted some time out with the girls, well T-Girls actually. The special project was an undocumented and unplanned event and they would have to work through anything that came up during the ten weeks. The next day would see Kerry at work full time and then possibly some out of hours stuff as Jean settled into the transition stage of her life.

Thursday morning started as usual, shower shave and makeup followed by selecting an outfit that Kerry thought was appropriate for her situation at work, that meant no see through anything or suspender belt. She chose a very conservative look for her first day, black slacks and jacket with a white blouse over white silky underwear and black 4” heels. She felt like any normal professionally dressed office manager and held her head up as she drove to work with her list of tasks for day one of the project. This day would be introductions to main staff and hundreds of questions for John, Tracey and the accountant — Sam, who Tracey thought was a tad too redneck for John’s plans but time would tell. She parked the car and strode towards the door with laptop bag in one hand and a handbag in the other only to have Sam rush to open the door from the inside for her, well that’s a first for a redneck she thought. “Thanks, there are gentlemen after all” she teased and smiled as he held the door until she was fully inside the office, if he only knew what he had just done the smile may have been wiped off Kerry’s face by him.

Tracey welcomed Kerry and led her through to her own office that John had set aside as the project office, it had separate toilet and kitchen facilities as well as a spare room that was always locked. This room was Jeans haven when times got hard or she had spare time to relax, a wardrobe and makeup table alongside a shower that had been custom designed by John when he built the office block several years before. Kerry setup her laptop and connected into the network and server using the login codes that Bill had sent to her, the printer came online and e-mail started to be received so everything looked good to begin the project. Her bank notified her of a deposit for $10,000 overnight with the reference DIA001, which was the project code allocated by Bill.

John had been in the office for two hours already and came into the room carrying two coffees, one just the way Kerry liked it. “Good morning Kerry, any problems connecting to the network?” he asked knowing that if Kerry couldn’t connect then he had no hope of doing it. Kerry thanked John for the first half of the bonus payment and continued setting out the documents for the days Q&A and all of her guides to make sure the right option was being selected. Then she took a drink “any changes to the special project that I need to know about?” she asked John while hoping that it wouldn’t interfere with the real project too much since she still had target dates to hit for the project. “No changes just some better idea of how I intend on doing it that’s all” John said pulling out a folder containing letters and information. “I was thinking of giving each person a letter by email over night and making a folder of information available in the office before talking to everyone at Friday drinks, ok?” Kerry scanned the letter and saw that John had included much of the letter Toni used, the info folder was also well constructed with medical, factual and realistic information that would allay any fear of freak show.

Kerry was walked around the place and formally introduced to each of the stakeholders allowing her to make times for each of them to meet in her office over the next two days. The accountant, Sam would be heavily involved in much of the work and Kerry needed him onboard as much as possible, having a difficult accountant could sink the project. It was somewhat of an unknown area for Jean having Sam in such a critical position and his redneck approach to matters just as she wanted to transition. Kerry would be drawing on all of her IT, accounting, and personal communication skills to make sure the project came together in the midst of a potential storm. Sam had several concerns from the sales process and had listed each of them in a report to John that was an attempt at covering his own backside if the project went pear shaped. During the morning Kerry scheduled meetings for each stakeholder and then a combined one at the end of week, this would normally happen every Thursday throughout the project life to stay on-track.

Generally people said they had open minds and even Sam was accepting the process by the time he had spent five hours going through the needs analysis with Kerry. Transition from old system to new was the only issue still outstanding and together they went to see John, “John, we have an issue with transition” Sam said making John choke on his biscuit. Kerry jumped straight in with “what Sam means is how we swap from the old system to the new one without losing data.” John regained his composure before going red, “I wondered what you were on about, can we keep to plain English by any chance?” Sam did not have any idea about the looks between Kerry and John but they would laugh about it later. Ten minutes later Kerry had convinced John to hire a temporary bookkeeper to assist Sam and take some of the hack work from her, this made Sam feel like he was being listened to and valued as well. Tracey had similar concerns over the workload of the admin staff trying to cope with two systems at the same time and not lose continuity. The plan was to configure the system and preload all static data in the seventh week, then over a long weekend transfer all current figures and starting balances ready for the start of business three days later. Training would take place as they went so each person would have access to the new system in training mode prior to the change over which would test the settings as well as train them.

Standard plan for a simple project but at four o’clock the simple stopped as John’s email hit the desktops ahead of time, he thought he had set it to go out at 4am on the next day but you all know about MS bugs/features. The noise from the admin area rose as people read and tried to understand the contents, was it a joke or real, should they laugh at it or could they lose their job? Tracey came into John’s office while Kerry was alone with him, “better check your e-mail boss, the letter just went out” she said closing the door behind her. “Crap, I’m not prepared for this today” John slumped into his chair, “well let’s just take a breath and wait a minute for the reaction, nothing we can’t handle” Kerry said calming John down. She would really earn her money on this project. Sam was the first to knock at the door , John called him to come in “mate, are you serious or is this some sort of sick April fool’s joke?” Sam was told to sit down for a moment, the knock at the door meant another person had questions, two minutes later and most of the admin staff wanted to talk to John. “Okay lets go into the warehouse so we can all talk” said John picking up the folder of information and striving for the door. Kerry saw the decisiveness come to the fore and quickly followed along behind John “holding it together or ready to scream?” she asked John.

The entire staff group pulled up chairs around John to hear what he said so he started at the beginning and repeated the e-mail and inserted more facts and information from the folder which he placed on the table. Some cried, some chuckled but most listened intently to what the man they respected shared about, his story of pain and confusion in a world that had strong ideas of what a man should be like. Kerry scanned the crowd trying to guess what they felt and only a few seemed like trouble but as John went on they diminished to only one person, Sam who had a distorted look of pain and anger on his face. John gave people a chance to ask questions and tried to give honest personal feelings and relate it to his life story, which proved to be a good strategy as most people had been with John for many years as he grew the business. His ethos of enjoying work and rewarding those that went beyond the call made them loyal to him and more prepared to listen rather than judge.

Johns final comment was that if anyone had concerns they should talk to Tracey and arrange a private session with him, otherwise they should expect Jean at work on Monday as planned. Kerry watched as Sam mingled afterwards testing the waters looking for any supporters of his view but found no one so sulked away to his office with quite a mischievous look on his face. Kerry quickly went to her office and hit the backup button on the new server which isolated the two servers from the main network while copying all of the data onto the auxiliary drive, just a precaution she had planned for last thing at night before the letters went out. Sam exploded when he found out that Kerry was using the system without letting him know about it, “won’t take long Sam I am just finishing a procedure” she said trying to keep him happy but knowing that he also had backup tapes in his safe. The new server had also received a complete system recovery set during the day just in case the main server died but Sam had not seen it being installed and knew nothing of it. Kerry walked back into John’s office shortly afterwards and closed the door, ”still good to go with all of this?” she asked. John was sitting at his desk with his head in his hands “I think so, how do you think it all went?” Kerry mentioned Sam and risk of trouble and that everyone else seemed quite happy to trust their boss.

The staff all filed out at five and left John and Kerry talking, Tracey joined them to offer her support, it was only a few minutes later when the entire network crashed and systems started reporting failures from reading the drives. Kerry saw the side door clicked closed as she went through the foyer to her office noticing that Sam’s desk was left in a mess with folders out and the safe open. “John I think we have some trouble here” Kerry said understating the situation. The next hour proved that Sam had attempted to trash the server and every backup tape had been taken from the property, it was going to be a late night for Kerry and she would need help. “Bill, I have a situation that needs more than I can do alone can you help?” Kerry went on to explain the scenario and what she had done to prevent too much damage to the company, although it would take several hours to rebuild the original server and reload the data from her backup server. Needless to say it was a night of pizza and coffee for all of them as Server 2003 disk were located in the back store room then reloaded and configured ready for business the next day. As a disaster recovery project the flaws were obvious, too much risk in one position of the company and if Kerry hadn’t triggered the two backups it would have been far worse if not deadly.

Kerry walked back into the building at nine the next morning to meet Tracey and John looking quite bleary eyed, although Tracey could hide it under makeup John had far more on his mind as franchisee’s came into the office to ask him about the letter they got overnight. This time it was clean sailing as they had committed money into the venture and walking away was not an option for them, they offered support to John or Jean as the need arose. Sam was another matter and a call to the company lawyer soon caused a warrant to search his property for the company tapes and any files. The warrant was served before lunchtime but Sam had already disposed of everything and claimed to be sick and off work not knowing anything about the attack on the company. Needless to say John’s lawyer also gave a notice of instant dismissal due to misconduct and an injunction to stay away from the property and not contact any clients. Severance pay was not on offer and if he wanted to fight it then they had sufficient threads of information to show that he had done the deed. The next task was to find another accountant that could take his place in quick time and handle a transition, system transition that is. The rest of the staff heard about Sam and quite believed that he had done the dirty on them, no loss as far as they were concerned.

By the end of the day Kerry was feeling exhausted, knackered was another phrase that could be applied but she would happily lose them too. Pam was working all weekend so Kerry planned to just unwind and cook or read a book, anything but project or computing stuff. So she was a little upset when John called around lunchtime on Saturday to ask for help, “are you free for an hour or so, I could do with your special help?” This was going to be a regular call from Jean as the project transitioned. “See you in ninety minutes at your place” Kerry offered, it would take her a while to get ready but mainly she didn’t want to set a precedence of jumping when Jean needed her. John’s house was set high in a new country estate with private driveway and garage allowing him to come and go as whoever he wanted to be on the day. Being on a large block meant that neighbors hardly made contact and over ten years they couldn’t really say who lived there. Kerry pulled her car into the drive and approached the door to find a disheveled John standing there in just his casual clothes and unshaven face. “Come in, thanks for coming over on the weekend I am not feeling too good about Monday after the attack by Sam” he said dropping his body onto the lounge suite. Kerry put her bright red handbag and keys on the table and stood looking at John, there was no sign of Jean and transition was supposed to start in under 36 hours she had some serious work ahead of her.

“Start at the beginning and tell me what you have been churning over since we left work yesterday.” John started talking then waffling. Kerry stopped him and made him just sit and breath slowly, “Look John, I’m not an expert in this matter but from where I am standing I don’t think that you should be concerned about Sam. What is the main reason you want to transition and are you going to let a redneck deprive you of that goal?” and then she waited for him. John seemed to brighten up as he went through the reasons in his mind, “you’re right it is my peace of mind that counts not his I’ve waited ten years to get to this point in my life.” Kerry sent him off to the shower and told him to come out looking like the girl he wanted to be wearing some nice lingerie as well. She always found that if the basics were right then the mind would follow, “nice bra - nice start”. John hit the shower then the makeup and finally came out wearing a black and red underwire bra and matching silk knickers covered by a nice dressing gown, Kerry smiled as she checked the painted toes peeping out from underneath the hem. “That looks more like the girl we need to see, feel better now?” Kerry asked noticing that Jean’s mannerisms had also changed as she brightened up.

“What about a special treat, hair makeup and such like?” that made Jean smile, “where can you get that today without a booking.” Kerry picked up her phone and speed dialed the salon where Jill did her hair “Hi Jill, Kerry here, any chance of helping a special friend of mine who’s in desperate need of your special help. Yes I do mean special help, hair, nails, makeup and by the way she expects to pay a small premium just to get in today, three o’clock, thanks I’ll make sure she gets there in time, bye” and Kerry hung up. Jean wanted to know the details but Kerry simply told her to go get dressed in something casual but nice as they had an appointment in just over an hour. Jean took Kerry up to her bedroom and into the largest wardrobe Kerry had ever seen “got this designed and installed specially for John and Jean to share, although John can empty his side shortly.” There was a definite resolve in the way she said that and Kerry wondered if it was just bravado or bluster speaking. Jean picked a pair of denim jeans and boots then put on a button up blouse and her jewelry before choosing a handbag and makeup.

Kerry drove the car and stopped about 400m from the hair salon, “let’s have coffee while we wait” she said turning into a car park and getting out of the car. Jean followed showing no signs of nerves, in fact her whole demeanor was quite different since Kerry had first arrived and found her so out of the game. They chose a small table outside and two lattes gave the two girls time to chat about nothing but enjoy the sunlight for once. Jean wanted to know all about Jill and what sort of things she took care of for her so it was no surprise that after being introduced to Jill in the salon, Jean wanted the works including the permanent makeup, eye liner and lips. Kerry left her in Jill’s capable hands and promised to return around five as Jill would take every minute of the two hours. Just enough time to get in a bit of her own shopping or retail therapy, and she definitely knew how to make the most of it. The centre had a few stores that catered for mid thirties and although Kerry was much older she always made sure that her clothes reflected a younger age. Keeping up appearances with Jean was going to be a challenge for her, one that she knew would be fun doing though and with the bonus already in the bank she was ready to engage.

Jill finished with Jean just after Kerry arrived to pick her up, the change was very good but the way that Jean had lifted was even better. As Jean continued to rotate in front of the mirror Jill spoke with Kerry in the front “do you have many more of these special friends as I could do with the extra money for sure.” Kerry told her that the number of visible trans-people in the city was fairly small but if she contacted the support groups there was always a chance that she could find clients that wanted more than just a cut and blow dry. Special events such as Pride Day or Annual Balls (no pun intended) may draw a few out if they knew about her and a referral from a client such as Kerry would help as well. “Come on princess, let’s get you out of here so Jill can go home, thanks again Jill I owe you one” she said opening the door for Princess Jean, her pumpkin awaited. As Kerry drove back to Jean’s place she had to smile as Jean kept checking her lips and eyes in the mirror. “I never knew how much fun this could be having the pampering and works” Jean said as Kerry pulled into the drive. Ten minutes later Kerry was heading back to her car and Jean was resolved to stick it to Sam and throw herself fully at the transition on Monday, this time was the last start.

Pam and Kerry spent Sunday relaxing and cleaning the house, a job that Kerry was supposed to do on Saturday. The mood between them was good most days and tension from past years had all but vanished apart from small twinges when old friends had been seen and wanted to talk about the things that only brought pain. The dynamics occasionally but subtlety changed though and Kerry found Pam treating her more like a friend than a lover, there were no quick gropes in the kitchen or neck kissing, Kerry had modified her behavior without noticing either. Kerry did her best to keep Pam onside by cooking and pampering to her enjoyment of water and slow leisurely car drives around the river and coastal area but it was different somehow. The second week was about to begin and they talked about the workload and tension from the project office and how Kerry would diffuse the office scuttlebutt if she could. Jean rang to thank Pam for letting Kerry help her and that really impressed Pam with the girls class but it was only day one of 365 for Jean.

Monday was going to be full on for Jean so she arrived early and laid out several special tables in the admin area, flowers, fruit, muffins, and even lollies. The “piece de resistance” was the coffee vendor that she had sitting just inside the warehouse waiting for the staff to arrive, the Roman Empire knew that to keep the populace happy you fed and entertained them. Kerry arrived early as well to make sure that Jean was coping, what she found astonished her, coping was an understatement this girl was achieving high grades. Before nine the staff arrived hesitantly looking for Jean to make sure she wasn’t too scary or freak like but what they each found was John in a different package, loving and caring as normal. The coffee and cakes took priority as the phone system continued to distribute the calls out to the franchisees based on postcode settings. They each milled around Jean asking about her makeup and hair, the clothes and shoes, her plans to have it “cut off” as they put it. Gradually the admin area settled down and business continued as normal, Jean in her office, Tracey out front as gatekeeper and Kerry in her new office, Sam hadn’t even been missed. Now they had to find someone to fill the role and by ten thirty they had a small list of potential applicants from Seek.com.au that had applied over the weekend. Jean asked Tracey and Kerry to help her sort through some of the details and by eleven the first applicants had been called and arranged to be interviewed. One applicant stood out as coming from another site that Kerry had installed at and she remembered her from the job, the only problem was that Paul had done the installation not Kerry.

Monday came and went, no problems with Jean or the install, just a normal day for the girls in the office and even the hunt for the new Accountant was looking good. Jean and Tracey had plans for dinner but Kerry opted for home instead wanting to make sure Pam was looked after. The idea of Tracey and Jean going out after work was interesting for Kerry as she had not picked up anything between them before, no winks or touchy feely things just very professional. The next morning was time to interview the applicants and Kerry sat in on the first two just making small comment about system needs and the transition. When it came time for the prime choice Kerry made sure that her background was that of a visiting software person and not Paul. The applicant seemed slightly spooked that Kerry knew about her previous site in so much detail but put it aside as they interviewed her about her depth of knowledge on the new software. She could do the job quite well and was returning fulltime to the work force after a year of partial maternity leave but wanted to change companies instead of going back to her old place and kicking out her replacement. Jean asked her to wait outside as they discussed her, they both saw her as capable and hungry enough to make it work but Jean wanted to tell her about the transition she was undertaking. Kerry thought about it then asked “are you doing this to test her of warn her?” Jean thought about it for only a second “both, I need a person that I can trust and one that can trust me fully.”

Susan was invited back into the office along with Tracey who had been showing her around the admin area. Jean moved to a less formal area in her office and sat around a small coffee table. “Could you get us all some coffee and cake please Tracey?” Jean asked smiling at Tracey as she left the room. “Tracey has been with me for over ten years and puts up with my foibles and peculiarities and that’s the sort of person I am looking for so I thought I should tell you some of them before you accept the job.” Susan smiled gathering that she was about to be offered the role in the company, what she had no idea about was Jean’s foibles as she had put it. Tracey put down a small tray of drinks and cake and joined the group, “thanks dear” Jean said to Kerry’s surprise, another slip she thought. Jean took a drink then looked straight at Susan “what I am about to tell you may shock or disturb you but after talking with you I feel you are the person I want in here to help us move forward. The company has been going for nearly fifteen years since I started it on a small inheritance from my father and mother’s estate it has grown because people stay here and enjoy their work space.

The only problem we have is that things changed last week when the old accountant tried to destroy the company by wrecking the server and data backup tapes, needless to say we repaired the damage and cleaned out his office ready for you. You are probably wondering why he did it, the short answer is that he was not able to handle the fact that I wanted to change what I looked like on the outside”. Jean stopped and took a drink, Susan sat waiting for more not guessing what Jean meant or was getting to. She continued, “about ten years ago I underwent several months of tests and the overriding result was that as a man I had way too many girl genes in my body”. Susan looked at her “is this a candid camera stunt or trick?” she asked Jean “no Susan this is no trick, just a trick of nature that I am trying to rectify now. If I am any judge of character then I feel that you can handle this in your stride and make a real impact in this company as we go forward, what do you think?” Now it was Jeans turn to wait for Susan, “am I correct in thinking that underneath the dress you are a guy that wants to be a girl and this is no trick” to which Jean nodded quietly. Susan looked at the other two in the room who also nodded in agreement, “well since everyone else seems comfortable with the idea what can I say apart from do I get the job or not.”

Tuesday finished and they had a new accountant that could actually start the next day and already knew the software that Kerry was installing, Susan had no idea about Kerry or that she had met her in another form, that being Paul. Wednesday would prove if the trouble caused by Sam had been repaired or neutralized as they started to configure the system using his needs analysis answers and paperwork. Tuesday had been Pam’s day off in exchange for working the Saturday so when Kerry got home that night the table was set ready for dinner and Pam had the glass of wine ready for them both. Kerry kissed Pam very gently and held her before taking the wine from the bench, “have I told you how much I appreciate you letting me have Kerry Time?” she asked Pam. Pam looked at her husband standing there in clothes that she would be happy to own knowing that Kerry’s wardrobe also looked every bit as good as Pam’s if not better. “Yes you have in many ways, sometimes even verbally” Pam said thinking of the traditionally “feminine tasks” that Paul always loved to do but as Kerry she had really made her own.

Pam handed Kerry the glass of wine and walked into the lounge to sit down, a clear sign that Pam wanted to talk about something and Kerry should shake her booty and get in there. “How do you think we are going to handle all of this Kerry Time as you call it, ten weeks of no husband or close to it?” Pam asked. Kerry had also been thinking of the subtle changes that she had seen and hoped that it was just her being over sensitive to Pam’s mood or feeling. “Not sure how it is affecting you but I get fairly well engrossed as Kerry and tend to not notice things all the time, have you felt different?” Kerry bounced the question back to Pam since she was obviously going through some thinking of her own. It took a few starts but Pam finally talked about not knowing who she was at times then at other times being very happy with the joy in Paul’s life that she could see and how it worked well for them both but she got confused and worried also. Kerry sat there trying hard to sort out threads from what Pam had said, happy or sad, knowing or confused, joy or fear. That was it she thought, Pam was afraid of what this may lead to the “big chop” or the “Switcharoo” or in normal terms GRS. She was afraid of losing her husband and ending up single since same sex marriage was banned still and frowned upon in many areas of the state let alone church. Paul assured her that this was only for ten weeks and 10% had already finished so only nine left then Paul would be back and so would the new furniture and painting that Pam could order already as the money had cleared the bank.

In Kerry’s mind the question of part time versus full time was very clearly answered while Paul was restrained by thoughts of how it would impact on others. During therapy there had been questions like this and “would you like breasts” or “have you ever thought of cutting it off” or even “what do you think of sex with a man”. All very good therapy questions aimed at uncovering the real person and their thoughts but ones that Paul always answered in a vague manner to not sound too far over the line, but in Kerry’s mind the answer was always “yes”. A small amount of knowledge about counseling techniques and therapy models can help anyone get where they want to go, it is only a game after all. This sounds like Paul was in denial but in reality he had convinced himself that he was in control of a very large bomb that could go off and hurt many people so he handled it the best way he could, even when it hurt him greatly.

Bill had planned a project review every Thursday morning with Jean and Kerry present, so by 9am they all sat around Jeans office with notes and coffee. This was the first time Bill had seen Kerry in full flight since the red cross event and was amazed at how good she looked and carried off the role, too good in fact. Both girls sat there in dark blue skirt suits, light blue silk tops, hose, heels and legs crossed pointing in the same direction, a conspiracy they had spoken about the night before. Bill could get confused here very easily, but that was their fun. He tried to lead the meeting but kept getting distracted by the two pairs of legs sitting around the coffee table, Kerry laughed “Bill, pay attention or us two girls are going to talk to Jeanette about your perving.” “This is so hard, I know both of you guys but there again I don’t know you do I?” Bill said stumbling over what he was thinking about. Jean put her coffee down, so Kerry mimicked her, “Bill you know what we each do at work or sometimes, like me, you may have seen a shadow of the other me in times gone by. The real me has taken nearly twenty years to come out fully and from what Kerry has told me it has taken her nearly forty years but the part you see today is every bit as real as the work person you employed or met as a friend of your wife’s family.”

Bill understood but still had a hard time sorting it out in his head. “Let me ask you one question Bill, at the ball when you came all dressed up and looking pretty did it do anything for you?” Kerry asked him. Bill moved uncomfortably in his seat he had a vulnerable doubt that hadn’t gone away after nine months of trying to put it all back into the box. “That’s not really the same, I was expected to look the part and so I just did it for a laugh” he said shuffling his feet slightly. “That’s not what I asked is it, did you enjoy feeling pretty and having people admire you, cos I saw the look on some of the men before you got up to speak and they had plans on your body.” Bill flushed, he had seen them and it made him feel, well, sexy is the only word to use but he was not gay and didn’t think like that anyway.

“Look, if this gets out of this room I’m dead” to which both girls just laughed, “duh, what about us?” Kerry said sarcastically. “Ok, sorry I was only thinking about myself, yes it did mess me around a bit but I figured that it was due to the number of other people enjoying swapping there sexes and stuff, that’s not what you asked though. Yes I felt sexy and flattered that someone wanted my body and excited that I had fooled someone but confused as well because I enjoyed the feel of the clothes and the way it made me happy.” Jean leant towards Bill, “that doesn’t make you gay or transgendered Bill, only normal, unless of course you would like to slip into my office wardrobe and find a nice little outfit to put on.” That seemed to break the ice and Bill smiled but declined the offer, for now.

Sam had made serious attempts at destroying data and had been thwarted, he had been replaced by a competent accountant that knew the system and could take the pressure off the project team as long as a temp bookkeeper could be found to help run the parallel system and some admin tasks. Timeframes for switch over were on track and the go live date was still good so all up the project was going well, they set the next milestone and finished early. Kerry went back to her office and Bill stayed with Jean for a while, “how is the transition going mate?” he asked then corrected himself “I guess that I shouldn’t use that phrase anymore, Jean.” Jean shook her head a bit “this must be really screwing around your points of reference Bill, if you need to talk just let me know.” “Only one thing Jean, how do you think Kerry is handling the project being Kerry and not Paul” Bill asked not sure that it made sense to him after asking it. Jean thought before talking then said “I assume from that comment that you have concerns, is there something that I should know about?” Bill was quick to defend Kerry, “no nothing at all, I was just making sure she was doing her job and not getting distracted by having to look after you at the same time.” Jean told Bill about Saturday and her sulks, or was it his sulks, anyway Kerry had helped get him back in a good position and keep moving so Jean was very happy.

When Bill had left the offices Jean called Kerry into her office for a chat, “Bill wanted to know how you are handling everything” she told Kerry. “You mean how am I handling you and the project together don’t you?” Kerry shot back “I think that’s what he meant so I said you were very good at both jobs.” Kerry sat down in a chair and crossed her legs showing a nice shape and balanced her heels on her right foot swinging in the air. “I don’t think Bill answered our question correctly, he hedged the issue and talked about duty rather than feelings which is an avoidance method. You know I think he would love to spend time in your office closet but scared that he would like it too much then have to deal with it all. At least that makes my job feel safer” Kerry finished with and let her shoe drop to the carpet. Jean had some talks with Bill before deciding on Kerry and there was empathy as well as understanding but Jean kept these to herself. “So are we advertising or just looking for a bookkeeper?” asked Kerry as the project needed to keep moving. Jean was not sure, “got anyone in mind that could do the job for eight weeks, doesn’t have to be skilled just follow instructions?” Jean asked Kerry. “Leave it with me, since you mention it there may be a young person I know that’s between University semesters and he is good with computers” Kerry said thinking aloud.

Back in her office Kerry thumbed through her blackberry looking for a phone number then closed the door for privacy before pressing the dial button. “Hi Graham, its Kerry here how are you going, that’s good, how is uni going this semester, how long do you have off, just wondering are you free for a chat in an hour, great meet you at the café where you met Toni then, bye.” Kerry walked back into Jeans office “may have someone that I know and they would have no issue with you either I’m going to chat with them shortly, do you want to come along?” So an hour later Jean, Kerry and Graham were sat around a café table drinking latte’s chatting about work, Graham was surprised that Kerry was working in her job instead of Paul but put it to one side. “Graham, I need a person to help with my current project and do some basic bookkeeping and admin stuff under direction but mainly to help transition the project, should take around seven or eight weeks possibly full time, want to earn some money?” Graham accepted straight away but Kerry cut him off, “before you say yes or no you need to know that Jean is in RLT mode so some things may get tense at work”. Graham found himself hog tied or gagged or paralyzed suddenly as Grace took over, “does that mean that Grace can come to work?” Graham asked but Grace had control of the mouth and brain. Kerry looked a bit surprised “I was actually thinking of Graham doing the work but it depends on Jean.” Kerry told Jean about Grace and her journey from last year, the trouble with her mum and best friend and how great she looked at Toni’s Manor. Cutting a long story short, Grace could start the next Monday and would love to work with Kerry and Jean and money was not even discussed, she would have paid for such an opportunity.

To be continued.... The girls have some fun and changes are everywhere.

Continuing Release 2
By Kerry Brown

Part 2 - What man about the house?

So it came about that on Monday morning there were three girls sitting in the office with Susan, three knew that only Susan was a real girl but Susan thought that only Jean was the fake. Grace had scrubbed up very well and her friend Jen from university had helped make sure she looked presentable rather than trashy, neat and well dressed. Kerry had setup an extra computer in her office as Susan’s office was not quite big enough for two people, Grace would have to learn quickly and make sure she didn’t get caught daydreaming. Susan wanted to train Grace and make sure she knew what was expected so that took care of Grace, Kerry had the configuration to start on the server as the paper analysis was complete.

They each went their own ways and Jean set about running the business again, she had advertising and promotions people lined up for the start of the Christmas period which was surprisingly their busiest time of year. The plans had to be completed at least 13 weeks ahead of time and that left only eight weeks for ideas, planning and implementation. Two companies had been contacted about presenting plans so Monday afternoon the first one arrived and gave it their best effort. The guy tried but was thrown by the number of women making the decisions, Jean and Tracey with Susan adding finance questions, maybe a bit of reconnaissance would have helped prepare him. The second company at the end of the day didn’t fare any better although they had some novel phrases about service with a smile when you dial or free service, but nothing that really grabbed Jean.

Jean and Kerry were talking before she left for the day about the problem of advertising and getting the right feel with the company ethos as well as good chemistry with the people. Grace was sitting nearby waiting for Jen to pick her up after work and couldn’t help but overhear the conversation, “Jean, can I show you something from my thumb drive that may help?” By now Jean was ready for input even from the new girl on the block so turned her laptop over to Grace. Thirty seconds later and the photos of Grace taken at the manor, especially the one in front of the window and overlaid with the advert from Toni, were displayed on the main screen for Jean to see. Jean was envious firstly of how Grace looked and secondly that she hadn’t been there for herself. Grace talked about the process and how Toni had built an image and then an advertising campaign around her shots, the transparent negligee and glass of wine at the window although the totally raunchy finger sucking “come take me” shot took pride of place. Tracey saw the photos from her desk and walked into the room, “is it legal to look that tempting in an advert?” she joked with Grace who she knew was just like Jean and Kerry. They talked about Toni and wondered if she would be interested in putting together some ideas as well, Toni had moved to being part time at Red Cross and part time in her own business with her sister Jacky up at the Manor.

The next day Toni and Jacky sat in the office with Jean, Tracey and Susan talking about the goal of the adverts and promotion, then how it would relate to the image they wanted out in the marketplace. What they came up with was a very simple but catchy phrase that could be twisted and worked with to hook into a clients mind whenever they needed the services that Jean’s company offered. Which incidentally was all about replacing the non functioning man in your life with a reliable tradesman and handyman service that you “only ask once”. Jean mentioned the photos of Grace after Susan had left the room and wanted to know how they worked, she wanted to visit one weekend and have the works. Kerry and Grace came in just before they finished to say hello to Jacky and Toni, Jacky made comment about seeing that all the men in the room had been replaced by women. Toni made a booking with Jean to go to the Manor in 10 days so Jacky asked if Grace and Kerry wanted to come over for tea on the Saturday night, Pam would be away in the country but Jen was invited as well. The office thinned out quickly and Jean was left with Kerry in the office, “just a quick check to see how you are going” Kerry said sitting down at the coffee table. Jean sat down, smoothed her dress and crossed her legs and leaned back in the chair “really good, you guys are making it easier by being here, Tracey is fantastic as always and the staff seem to have just accepted John in a different form.”

The rest of the week flew past as the project team met and checked each milestone, the staff saw the first real parts of the system in a show and tell training session on the Friday afternoon to make sure any fears were being dealt with. So come Friday night the work was moving along, the transition was well underway and staff drinks had finished with Jean and Tracey tidying up afterwards. It was then that Kerry caught a small exchange between Jean and Tracey that made her stop, Tracey had touched Jeans hand as they cleared the table. In itself the touch was nothing except the length of time was, Jean had made no comment about Tracey except her work duties no personal details or emotional information at all. Kerry waited until Tracey was out of the room, “Jean can I ask something about Tracey?” and getting the go ahead from Jean asked directly “are you two involved”. The wording was clumsy but Jean got the idea quickly just as Tracey came back into the room, she held out her hand to Tracey. “come and sit down with us” Jean said as Tracey sat next to her holding her hand tightly, “you could say that but more like, honestly I don’t know how to put our relationship.” Jean looked at Tracey and then kissed her gently, “Tracey has known all about all of me since coming to work with me over ten years ago, she saw the tension in my life, the pain of conflict of genders and the despair when transitions were halted. This girl has helped me stay sane more times that I can count, she has been my backstop and my gatekeeper defending me from all attackers.” Tracey was looking at Jean as she spoke with a look of care and even love in her eyes, “and that makes her very special to me” said Jean. Tracey moved closer to Jean and put her arm around her, “and Jean is very special to me as well so don’t let her get hurt” Tracey said in her gatekeeper come defender role.

As Kerry pulled her car into the drive so did Pam, they unlocked the house and entered before kissing so that neighbors didn’t get spooked at the sight of Pam kissing another woman. “I feel like going out tonight, what about you?” said Pam as if Kerry’s attendance was optional. Kerry understood the joke and grabbed Pam “not without me you don’t, where did you have in mind?” back and forth they went until they had a booking at Sirroco’s for dinner at seven. Pam slipped into the bedroom and started to get undressed for a shower, Kerry followed so a few seconds she had discarded her skirt and blouse revealing a garter belt and stockings. “What is it with stockings and you?” asked Pam amazed that something so awkward was so loved by Kerry and her friends. “You have no idea how feminine and sexy it makes you feel, you should try it sometime” Kerry said turning on her heels and entering the en-suite to Pam’s constant stare. Kerry had a quick shave while Pam showered and as Pam came back out from the bathroom there was a black garter belt and stockings sitting on the bed alongside her black dress that she had planned for the night. “Don’t say no, just try it and see if I’m telling the truth” Kerry said knowing that Pam would err on the side of conservative, “what if we have an accident” she laughed, stating her mother’s injunction to always wear clean underwear. “At least it will be clean, and I promise to drive extra careful” Kerry said putting on her own black dress over her stockings and sitting at her makeup table to repair her look.

The restaurant was crowded as they entered and the waiter suggested that a drink at the bar may be a better option for twenty minutes or so, sitting on bar stools and drinking cocktails they looked like any couple of girls out for a nights entertainment. It should have been no surprise that a couple of girls be approached by a couple of guys looking for action, “sorry guys we are meeting our husbands later” Kerry said stopping Pam from choking. As they moved away Pam asked Kerry about being picked up when she was out with the other girls, “it happens but we just say that we are happily married, no need to get angry with them after all we do look hot tonight.” Pam shifted her legs on the stool and felt her garter straps stretching as they tugged at her stockings, if she knew that the side view allowed a couple of men a glimpse of her stocking top then she wouldn’t have been so comfortable. Dinner was relaxed when it came and over a few courses Pam and Kerry enjoyed their time out together and caught up after a very busy week. Just before they were ready to leave Kerry leaned closer to Pam and whispered “now go into the toilets and remove your knickers” Pam giggled due to too many drinks but after Kerry suggested it again she stood up shakily and headed for the change room.

When she came back Kerry had paid the bill and was waiting in the foyer, “come on let’s get some air before we drive home” Kerry said leading Pam out of the door. They walked down the street arm in arm talking about the feeling of going “commando” as the guys called it “I can feel the wind moving between my legs” Pam giggled. Kerry just kept walking wishing that she could also go without knickers and not having the crown jewels flopping around, but that would cost a lot of money and emotional energy. “I think you need to get me home quickly” Pam giggled again, “otherwise you may get attacked right here” Kerry understood and headed for the car. As she unlocked the passenger side door for Pam, Pam turned around and kissed Kerry right on the lips and very passionately leaving no doubt in Kerry’s mind about after dinner activities. Sitting in the car seat Kerry could see Pam’s stocking tops and reached over to caress her thighs as she gave Pam a deep kiss.

The drive home took only a short while but as soon as the door was closed Pam dragged Kerry towards the bedroom, two black dresses falling to the floor along with heels. Laying on the bed in just her bra and stockings, Pam not only knew she looked sexy but she also felt sexy and enticing. Kerry started at her toes and gently kissed along her legs until she reached the lace tops of the stockings with the small clasps holding the welt linking to the garter. Gently tugging the straps Kerry saw Pam move her hips forward to her, while Kerry’s hands reached the fleshy part of Pam’s legs. Foreplay had taken well over three hours since they she had put on the stockings and by now she was ready to make noise, and she did pushing Kerry’s head into her lap letting the tongue do the talking. As Pam came she pulled Kerry up to her face and kissed her so hard both of their lips would sting for minutes, Kerry held her for ages then slowly moved her hand back down to her little mound of hair. Again Pam moved and kissed begging for more gentle touches and rubbing until the swollen lips and clit both exploded for Pam with screams and panting.

They lay there cuddling for a while before Pam rolled over towards Kerry and found, nothing, Kerry was not hard or erect just, nothing. Pam went on the offensive pulling the pants down around Kerry’s knees until she lifted her feet and the panties hit the ground like dead skin. Seeing nothing happening Pam reached into her bottom drawer and removed her vibrator and KY jelly, she tested the batteries and flicked it to slow. Pam ran the tool around Kerry’s legs as she played with the stocking tops like Kerry had done to her and the same effect happened, hips moved forward but nothing else. The tip of the vibe touched the base of the penis and again the hips moved up letting the vibe move backwards towards the anus. Pam removed the vibe and placed a small amount of jelly on the tip before putting it back in place and increasing the speed. With thrusting of hips and gentle massage it wasn’t long before Kerry found herself making similar noises to that of Pam a few minutes earlier, good job the window was closed or the neighborhood would have heard far too much. Kerry found a growing feeling in her stomach region just behind her pubic bone, pressing it down with her well manicured and polished nails increased some of the feelings and definitely the image she had in her mind. Strong downwards movements also pushed the vibrating tip further into her with every push so it wasn’t long before the combination of mind, body, and emotion caused a most unusual orgasm for Kerry. It wasn’t messy or sudden, it was more like reaching the top of a mountain and cruising over to find a really nice view and feeling satisfied but down below there had been no growth, so to speak. They fell asleep cuddling feeling very content with life although Pam wondered what had happened in Kerry’s mind.

Breakfast on Saturday was normally taken in bed so after Kerry had cleaned herself and shaved she came back to bed wearing just her basic underwear and wrap around with no extra makeup, which she found actually worked to some degree. Pam opened the door and settled a tray with muesli, juice and tea on Kerry’s bedside table then returned a few seconds later with her own. Pam wanted to ask Kerry about last night but wasn’t sure how to start, finally she said “that was really different last night, did you enjoy it or do you need more?” Kerry looked at her trying to figure out the real question, “yes, no and anytime” she said to Pam’s amazement “pardon.” Kerry said it again with more information “yes it was different no I don’t need to do anymore straight away but yes I would love to do it like that anytime. I think it was the build up through dinner then driving home along with all the time I have spent as Kerry that changed how I felt about myself, but yes it was very different I think it was probably similar to how you come.” Pam asked for more details such as where and how and what triggered it in such a different way and Kerry tried to explain but, well some things just need showing instead so they didn’t get out of bed until gone eleven o’clock.

The rest of the morning was cleaning and washing but around two Pam reminded Kerry about buying her own garter belt and reminded Kerry that she had offered to take Pam to see Lisa in her lingerie shop. The street level parking was perfect allowing them to park close and walk only a few steps before entering the shop where Lisa was serving another client. Lisa smiled at Kerry when she realized who it was, the hair and makeup had improved Kerry’s appearance. “Wow look at you, what’s going on to get you all dolled up like this?” Lisa asked Kerry since this was far more than just a Saturday affair. Ten minutes later Lisa was up to speed with the gossip and had finished directing Pam to some of the special garments for her to check out, “and what about you dear?” she said turning back to Kerry. Kerry had been prepared to just let Pam shop but after seeing a new range of retro-vintage wear she may have changed her mind. “Combination long line bra and open girdle” Lisa said making sure she had a pair in Kerry’s size, “would you like to try one on or are you being controlled with your spending?” Lisa kidded knowing full well that Kerry would buy. Lisa opened the change room door for Kerry and just held up her size garment, “trying it on won’t harm will it?” Kerry took the bait and slid into the cubicle and closed the door behind her.

The jeans hit the floor as she stepped out of them still wearing her heels, then her top came off and hung behind the door with her bra. Health regulations displayed in the change rooms mentioned under garment to be warn at all times so Kerry stood there in just panties looking in the mirror, still a hybrid body form half way between each gender. If it was possible to perform a gender brain scan it would have shown far more female matter than male, or possibly it would have seen the male part being killed off on a daily basis as Kerry found herself more and more. The girdle was clumsy to put on but looked fantastic on, the garter tabs hanging down on her legs and the bra cups standing out like Maddona’s on stage, only bigger and more rounded. The waist section pulled and firmed her stomach but nowhere near as restrictive as the corset she had in the cupboard at home and the butt looked very smooth. “How are you going in there, need any help?” asked Lisa through the door “a nice pair of vintage stockings would be a nice touch” Kerry said and a few moments later they appeared at the door. Kerry sat down and unwrapped the stockings and rolled them into a doughnut before putting her toes into them, extending up her legs and clipping onto the tabs at the front and back before straightening the seams and putting her heels back on, the feeling was exciting as always.

Kerry opened the door and peered out into the shop, “Lisa” she called hoping that no more clients had come into the shop. Pam and Lisa watched as Kerry displayed the outfit showing every bit of confidence in her looks and body that any good model would have. “Shame I have my jeans on today or I would have worn it out” she said twirling around at the mirror showing off her stocking encased legs, “you could always buy a new skirt from me” said Lisa smiling at Pam. Kerry pulled out her top from the cubicle and told Lisa “only if you can find something to go with this” Two minutes later Lisa came back with a mid-thigh kilt style skirt and light wool sweater. The original top had been put down somewhere to stop Kerry from getting confused, Lisa new exactly how to sell and Kerry was always willing to be sold to. Thirty seconds and Kerry was back out in the shop showing off her new outfit as Pam stood at the till with two garter belts, several pairs of matching panties and a few pairs of fine denier stockings including one pair with seams like Kerry. So much for a cheap day out, this lot added up to over two hundred dollars and Lisa loved it when Kerry came shopping, Pam wasn’t too sure about that.

Walking out of the shop swinging her bag containing her old jeans and top, Kerry felt very happy with herself actually “Tarty” is the only word you could use and it still surprised Pam whenever she did it as Paul was always very conservative and straight laced. Now, Paul was quite often laced, and silked and nyloned but never straight laced that would be just too boring. The skirt flicked up as she stepped into the car and Pam could see the stocking tops and tabs as Kerry sat down ready to drive, “where to my lady” she asked in her best Jeeves accent. The sun was out and it was too nice to be stuck inside and the house still needed to have the kitchen and lounge furniture ordered, they had a fair idea what they wanted so this being one of the few weekends they had together it was off to the furniture and kitchen stores. The weekend proved very expensive as it cost well over ten grand before they got home on Sunday afternoon and by then there was no intention of cooking tea. A simple meal for two alongside the river with wine and ending with coffees made a perfect end to the day, Kerry had been wearing the girdle come bra for both days and it still felt very comfortable on her as well as sexy.

Monday came around too soon and the weekends fun and games were consigned to memory for Pam and Kerry with promises to do it all again some rainy day. Grace and Jean had been at work for over an hour by the time Kerry walked in with Susan close behind, “have a good weekend ?””asked Susan “yes great, how was yours?” Normal start to the week but this was the third week and several tasks had to be completed ready for the first system cross check on Friday morning. General ledger configuration had been finished and sample Debtors and Creditors had been entered, it was now time to load the inventory list from Excel and determine control accounts for their sales and purchase amounts. This would have been the role of project accountant and the installation consultant so Susan and Kerry had a few long days ahead of themselves as they set and tested the journal entries for each type of product through purchase, warranty, return, sale, and credit back.

By Thursday they both had done enough and needed a break, Kerry suggested that the two of them have lunch and headed out for a small café around the corner. Even being in close proximity to Susan there was no recognition from her that she had met Kerry before until they sat at the café. “I hope you don’t mind me asking but do you have a brother or relative in the company?” Kerry stalled, “no why?” she spat out. “It’s just that at times you look very familiar to the person that did our install about two years ago but he was a guy” Susan had seen a glimpse of Paul but could not nail him down. Kerry thought fast “I had a cousin that worked there before I arrived but he left to do his own thing but I don’t think he looks as attractive as me” she said flicking her hair about. “That must be it, close family likeness though but only when you smile” Susan said picking up her salad fork “our mums are sisters so that doesn’t surprise me, do you have any brothers or sisters?” The attack had been turned back and Susan went off talking about her family and how they were either accountants or managers and Christmas get togethers were never without a technical discussion on taxation or business plans. They discussed Grace and her work then Susan brought up John’s transition and how did Kerry feel about him / her. All up Susan had very little reservation but it was unusual for her to see why a successful man would want to be a woman as if it was a second rate position. Friday testing went through without problems and several staff had good practice runs on the system before Kerry shut down the test system for upgrades and backup of the main server.

Before leaving Kerry stopped into Jean’s office and closed the door, “all ready for the trip to Toni’s place, you are going to love it” she told Jean who had been getting more excited about the trip each day it got closer. “Toni has sent me some ideas for photos so I need to get some really sexy lingerie, any idea where I can go?” Kerry stepped to the door and flicked the internal lock, “let me show you something I just bought” Kerry said and slipped off her blouse and long skirt to reveal the girdle bra from Saturday and stockings, “what do you think?” If John had still been alive Kerry would have been in trouble but Jean just wanted to know where from and how much and the how much was optional in her mind, she wanted one. Pam was away interstate so Kerry agreed to take Jean there in the morning before she went to the Manor. By ten am the next morning Jean was sitting in Kerry’s car heading for Lisa’s shop and an appointment with Toni shortly after. Lisa greeted Kerry and was introduced to Jean “Jean is one of my special friends Lisa” which she understood as code for man that likes to wear pretty clothes and sexy lingerie “and is also in RLT.” Lisa had wondered if Kerry would make the jump to RLT and this week was more convinced that she was well on the way, even if Kerry didn’t know it yet. Twenty minutes, a swipe of the credit card, two bags and they air kissed goodbye and walked back outside. “I’ll have to key this into my GPS as a favourite place of interest” Jean said putting the bags on the back seat and sliding in the front. Kerry dropped her off at her home and promised to be there tonight after Jean had enjoyed the Manor and being pampered by Jacky and Toni.

Jean picked up Tracey who was wearing a very nice twin set of skirt and blouse in matching pattern with 3” heels and her hair in a ponytail , In contrast Jean had on jeans and top with slip on flats for the drive to the manor. Pulling into the driveway for the first time they saw the Manor standing like an 1800’s house from England with manicured lawns, rose hedges and tennis court, they expected an English Butler to open the door as they rang the bell. Jacky welcomed them both into the “Parlour” or sitting room as they used to be called, Toni entered a few minutes later and together they discussed the final sequence of shots and scenes. Jean had thought about a “Sleeping Beauty” series of shots a sort of mini-series of her life from birth of John to death and rebirth as Jean. The preliminary shots were taken by Jacky as they sat and took tea in the Parlour using fine bone china cups and saucers while they chatted. Makeup took a good thirty minutes for the first round of shots and then Jean fitted into her peasant outfit of long off white dress with scoop bodice revealing the typical ample portions through a lace border, a plain apron and flat shoes completed the look for round one. The kitchen provided the backdrop and Jean took to modeling work slowly as Jacky prompted and encouraged her to try different looks.

Meanwhile Toni had taken Tracey to the wardrobe area and found her a plain suit and top hat with walking cane and gloves, her hair being forced under the hat. The second round of shots included the meeting of Jean and Tracey in the front door area with gentle demure glances and nervous giggles from Jean as Tracey presented her with a dozen long stem roses Looking out of the window holding one of the long stem roses Jacky captured the distant look of a person wondering what would happen next. But as we all know the story takes a dark turn and we see Jean in a wooden paneled room holding the apple of death, the look of horror on her face as she realizes the trick played on her by Life. Jacky downgraded the makeup to a more severe white but with bright red cheeks and Jean put on basic white wedding gown without veil or train.

They had setup a table in the conservatory or sunroom and covered it with a white sheet and silk pillow, Jean laid down with her hands touching just below her bustline while holding the rose. The gown flowed over the sides of the table and down to her feet and painted toes standing clear from the gown. Jacky had put a long blonde wig on Jean for the full series of shots as it was more in keeping with the theme, now it fell around her head like a halo of gold with a daisy chain hair clip. The photos were taken from the back of the room towards the open window showing that life still existed while Jean lay dead. Tracey entered wearing a white suit with her pony tail now hanging down her back mourning the loss of her love, gently kissing Jeans cheek leaving lipstick marks as she withdrew. The contrast of gender and images was a powerful storyline as Sleeping beauty wakes and embraces her lover in the form of Tracey now shown without her hair restricted or wearing the suit jacket. The image of two women embracing then walking out through the open windows into the garden, bare feet and rose petals making the final shot as they walked hand in hand.

Jean wanted some of the other shots that Grace had shown her so while Tracey and Toni talked about the work photos they had been commissioned to take, Jacky and Jean played at dress up. Jean wanted a few shots in the new girdle and stockings but wanted tasteful rather than raunchy. An hour later and Jacky had finished several makeup changes and Jean had used all of her clothes including the new lingerie she had brought with Kerry in the morning. Raunchy wasn’t easy to find with Jean as the old form of John still had some control but they did look very good and Jacky was happy with the end product. Jean slipped back into a black skirt and cream blouse just covering the black girdle and Bra which could be seen through the blouse, the ‘twin peaks’ effect very prominent. Tracey and Jean walked around the property carrying glasses of wine and talking about the photos Jean had done without Tracey seeing them and how the Sleeping Beauty set had made Tracey feel. Tracey had slipped her hand into Jeans as they walked through the rose garden and sipped their wine, it was obvious that she really did love Jean.

Toni went to work on the slideshow with titles, music and blends to present Jean with a finished product for her time in the Manor, he also set aside a copy of all of the shots onto CD for her to view later. Grace and Jen arrived at the same time as Kerry, just before dinner time, and got shown into the Parlour for sherry and port before the meal. Toni had been working on an idea for the company and asked if the three girls, Jean, Kerry and Grace could indulge her for a while, then led them into the green room. Toni explained his idea and gave Jean a plumbers suction tool, Grace got an orbital sander and Kerry was given a light fitting. They stood in formation, a bit like Charlie’s Angels with the green backdrop, Toni superimposed a traditional house shot behind them and took the photo or ten. As they enjoyed the rest of their drinks Toni inserted the words “Tired of telling your man what to do? Call us and only ask once” then sent it to a large format printer to produce an A2 poster. The second poster had the words “Your man not doing his job, call and ask once” with a 1800 ask once phone number under the group of ladies. The irony of not having a single genetic girl or GG, as they were often called, in the photo was obvious to the small group around the table as they checked out the final posters.

Toni dimmed the lights as the plasma started the slideshow of Jeans Sleeping Beauty experience then followed with a shortened version of the full set of photos with music in the background. Kerry had seen the closeness of Jean and Tracey as they had waited for Toni to finish her work so was not surprised when the kiss happened on the screen. Over dinner they talked about the Manor and work and the advertising campaign as well as the experience of being made to look like something or someone else. It was more than a chance to act a part as Jean had seen the time as a chance to explore different looks and makeup styles, Grace and Kerry could both identify with her and they both said that the memory stayed with you for many months if not years. Dinner moved into after dinner drinks and it was still going at ten when Jen and Grace decide they had to leave so Kerry made suitable comments and left at the same time leaving Jean and Tracey finishing their drinks.
Jacky had been watching them over the day and just had to ask “now they have gone home what about you two care to talk about what’s going on in your lives?” Tracey blushed but held on to Jean’s hand even harder, she had often dreamt about her boss but never quite thought it would go this direction while John had been less open with himself. “You could say that things just happened between us, Tracey has always been there to help me at work and when I felt down she seemed to understand and just let me talk. When I first started to transition four years ago Tracey was there for me with hints and even training sessions on the weekend, this time she has been the gentle force behind the scenes making sure that I was protected and safe.” Tracey smiled at Jean hoping for more from her but nothing came out, “and what about you Tracey how do you feel about Jean” Tracey thought about it, say how she felt and risk being rejected or not speak and never going anywhere. “Jean said most of it except I think from my side that I have much stronger feelings for Jean than she knows about” Tracey said almost whispering at the end. Sometimes it takes a lump of four by four to wake people up to see the thing that is right in front of their noses, Jean was hit and then saw the face of his friend and lover for the first time. Jean leaned over to Tracey and wiped a tear away from her face “I must be stupid, I was too afraid to say anything in case I scared you off, I have loved you since the first time we spoke about who I am and you held my shaking hand and wiped my tears away without judgement.” Tracey and Jean left just before midnight after sharing more of their journeys with Jacky and Toni, much happier and at last talking about their future.

Jean called Kerry on Sunday and talked about the situation with Tracey wanting to know how she thought it would go down at work and if it would hinder her RLT. Kerry took the bull by the horns and simply asked Jean if she loved Tracey, after that was sorted out the rest was simple, people just had to live with it. Jean just needed to ask about it, she had already made up her mind as Tracey was the other consistency in her life and it was only a matter of sexuality after all was said and done. Kerry hung up from the conversation and thought about her own situation with Pam, their background pointed to certain fundamentalist views but they had been smashed as Kerry left the closet never to return. In a state where many things didn’t see the light of day the idea of living as a woman with a woman was hard to fathom. Laws had not kept pace with global views and local society had never really been concerned about any other place in the world, so why change. By Monday morning Kerry had gone back and forth in her mind but as she walked into work and saw the smile on Tracey’s face it seemed to be immaterial. Here was a sheepish girl that had been set free by declaring her love for her boss and it had been reciprocated of course decorum was essential, too much change may hurt the business.

Week four, testing phase was nearly complete and loading static data would begin in earnest so Kerry called a small team meeting of Susan, Grace and Jean. She talked about inventory lists and suppliers catalogues then the problems associated with blending disparate number systems into one data base. Two of the suppliers had preset re-order codes that differed from the main codes and they also had XML data interchange formats that needed coding. Grace headed off to sort out the catalogue blending, Susan hit the stock-take lists and Kerry started coding leaving Jean to sit back and manage the process. So it was no surprise when Tracey asked Jean about lunch, they vanished to their favourite café where they could sit and chat without the staff hearing anything. “Do you feel ok with me in the office after the weekend?” asked Tracey making sure Jean hadn’t changed her mind, “don’t be daft, I’m not going to let you go after ten years” Jean said leaning forward and touching her hand. It was these little things that gave Tracey hope, and over lunch she touched Jean’s legs with her stocking clad feet, “guess what I have on?” she asked Jean. “No idea, is this just talking or do we go back to my place and really find out?” Jean said rather boldly. Tracey was now on dangerous ground as she ran the idea around, “who would look after the front desk?” Jean looked at her “call Kathy and tell her that we have been called out to a suppliers office and could she cover for the rest of the afternoon.” “Better tell her that it’s important and take all messages for me” Jean said standing up from the table signaling that she was leaving.

Luckily the car stayed at the speed limit as Jean drove home with Tracey sitting in the front then entered through the garage security door and turned on the lights. Tracey was close behind and bumped into Jean as she stopped to put down her keys which made Jean turn around directly in front of Tracey, “now, what was the question again?” But Tracey was too slow for Jean, “I’ll tell you what, lets go upstairs and find out instead” Jean said taking Tracey by the hand and leading her up the stairs to her bedroom. Tracey had been there before but only giving Jean training lessons on clothes and makeup never in any sexual way, except in her dreams. The difference between men and women is ‘time’ and they took lots of it slowly kissing and touching each other as the clothes got taken off. Tracey had on a garter belt she had bought on Sunday after seeing the one Jean was so fascinated with at the manor and stockings that seemed to cling to her legs like skin. To say that it had the desired effect would be wrong, the impact was far more enticing to Jean with her matching outfit from the weekend the two of them stood touching and exploring before laying on the bed. John had been in a relationship until four years ago when the woman had basically said stop or I leave, so with no change in sight she had to leave. Tracey on the other hand had always loved John from leaving school and joining his company so never wanted anyone else. Jean took her time and helped Tracey enjoy the moment, every moment until they finally lay there wrapped in each other knowing that things would always be different between them now. Tracey wanted to do it all over again with Jean telling her what to do to make her time enjoyable as well, they would not be going back to work today.

It may have taken another ten years for Jean to make a move if Tracey hadn’t gone on the offensive, “does this make us official now?” Tracey asked nuzzling up to Jean’s neck. “What do you think, can you handle having a wife and a female boss?” Jean said holding on to Tracey tightly “Wife, who said anything about wife, I was just thinking of going out together, anyway I’ve been chasing you for ten years why rush it all on the second date” Tracey said amazed that Jean could move quickly when she wanted to. “Did I miss something?” asked Jean wondering if she was thinking like John instead of like Jean, “let’s just say that romance and courting are not old fashion ideas to this girl” Tracey said showing a determined stance. “Let’s just take a breath and see how we get on over the next few weeks” Jean had missed something and she would work very hard to get it right. Tracey let Jean off and told her “treat me nicely, take me out and then we can see how we feel about the rest” Jean would take her out, regularly but they tended to find their way home very quickly so Tracey moved in with Jean before the project finished but no one else knew about it as she continued to use her own car for work.
Grace finished blending the catalogues into one file and Susan completed a stock count so by Wednesday afternoon the data was ready for upload. Markups had been set based on product landed costs and RRP but the internal markup for franchisees was a confidential matter controlled by each customer masterfile. The company never sold directly to clients but each owner operator had bonus discount based on sales figures each six month review period. Friday morning saw another test period begin with sales and purchases moving through the system to general ledger journals. The stores person got involved sending short orders and warranty returns, missing product warnings and variances in landed costs from purchase order. All alternatives showed the correct setup or configuration with Susan confirming the GL data was intact and balanced, a great end of the week.

This would be one of the few weekends that Pam and Kerry could spend together so they had planned a short stay in the country away from the phones. Kerry drove passed Pam’s work and picked her up around 3pm and by 6pm they had booked into the hotel and unpacked the bags ready for a swim in the indoor pool followed by a spa and sauna before dinner. This was going to be all about them and that’s what Pam loved about going away, no interruptions from phones or family dropping in. Kerry unpacked her one piece swimsuit and wrap around skirt ready for the pool, she had carefully waxed any stray pubic hairs and trimmed back the depth of remaining hair then applied some tape to make sure that Percy sat still and out of sight. Kerry commented on the silicone device that Grace had received for Christmas from Jen and how natural it looked when she had been at the last weekend, yes there had been a show and tell by Grace. The pool was deserted as most weekend guests had not arrived so early and it was still a shade chilly outside so they had the place to themselves. Pam insisted on no funny business in public to keep her risk of pain down to a minimum, Kerry just enjoyed the freedom of being away from work and started to relax with Cocktails being ordered from the house service.

It was close to eight before they got into the dining room for dinner but it was well worth taking their time, they had each got dressed up for the meal with nice black dresses and heels to match. Part way through the main course Pam leaned close to Kerry and told her what she had on under the little black dress, just stay up stockings, nothing else. Kerry had been in the bathroom while Pam had got dressed and missed the fact but had her own surprise, “that’s good since I have my girdle and stockings on again, I know how much you enjoyed them last time.” Dessert was a quick affair followed by signing the account slip and departing for their room where Pam’s slow undress and tease show took Kerry by surprise. Pam hummed a well known tune as she undid her zip from behind her back and let the strappy LBD drop to the floor as she stepped out of it wearing just heels and stockings. “Your turn, show me what you have to offer” Pam said starting to hum the strip tease tune again as Kerry lifted her hands above her head and gyrated her hips. Her dress was a shoulder number with straps that hid the long line bra she had on underneath while a slit up the back revealed her seamed stockings and Cuban heels ending in 4” black leather heels. Turning her back on Pam, Kerry undid the zip then slipped one arm out from the shoulder straps followed by the other and held the dress close to her body. Turning back she pulled her hair over the front of her face then pouted a kiss at Pam before dropping the dress to the ground to show her girdle and bra with stockings.

The bra was next to go by unclipping the eye and hook set up the front of the garment, this allowed her ample breast forms to jump loose, she had shaded the edges with foundation to disguise the difference between the silicone and her skin. The nipples stood slightly firm, not through excitement but through design, although had they been real it would have looked the same as Kerry was getting very turned on by the exercise. Straddling a chair she bent one leg up into the air and slowly removed a shoe before tossing it to the ground and running her hands back up the leg to her thigh. The second leg got the same treatment except that when her hands got to the top of her leg she unclipped the garter tab before standing up and resting her leg on the chair while unclipping the back tab. While looking at Pam, Kerry rolled the stocking down her leg and removed her foot from the nylon pleasure and flicked it towards Pam then repeated for the other leg. It was just the girdle now, but that could wait as the pair fell into bed not able to hold back any longer, Kerry running her hands up Pam’s legs and placing a finger under the stocking top and moving to the inside of her thigh. It was this sort of seduction and foreplay that seemed to increase the love making for both of them which normally didn’t occur when Paul was involved.

Kerry used all of the tricks she could remember to bring Pam to the top of her mountain before letting her down slowly to be engulfed in the feelings and passion of the moment. Kerry was never in any hurry to move on but chose to make the most of seeing Pam melt into the bed, rubbing her stomach and the tip of her mound. Going up the mountain twice in a session was hard going normally but tonight they positively flew there as Kerry helped Pam every step of the way. Laying on the bed afterwards they just cuddled and kissed until Pam decided it was Kerry’s turn for pleasure and ecstasy, but try as she could the best Pam got was swelling. Instead of stopping and letting it go Pam reached under her pillow and brought out the “emergency tool kit” that she had used weeks earlier. Thinking back she realized that it had been almost 14 days since they had been intimate and still Paul did not appear. The soft buzz of vibe touched Kerry’s leg and stomach then went to her groin as Pam noted what spots caused best reaction. The spot between scrotum and anus was obviously a good one as Kerry arched her back and groaned, the vibrator touching nerves that connected body and soul bringing heightened joy as Pam made circles on her skin. The effect was the same as last time, a deep roaring from within then collapsing into a heap as she caught her breath and bathed in the emotions of it all, tears rolling down her cheeks. Pam saw and wondered but chose not to say anything to spoil the evening, breakfast would be soon enough.

Room service had knocked on the door to signal the tray delivery for their continental breakfast so Pam opened the door took the tray and returned to bed. The conversation was around the day’s activities and local sights they had read about but Pam had another need and started to ask Kerry about the night before. Kerry talked again about the feelings and enjoying the sensations “can I ask one important thing?” Pam said. Kerry wondered what was coming as the tone had changed “please tell me the truth, have you been taking any hormones or things?” Kerry breathed again as she relaxed. “No dear, I promise you that I have not done anything in that area at all, or any other area that breaches the agreement” Kerry said looking straight at Pam. “So what’s happening down below, Mr Happy isn’t so Happy anymore” Pam said wondering what else could be up, or not. Kerry thought about it again, she had no problem with what was happening and how it had changed but she had done nothing except be Kerry 24/7 for over five weeks now. “Would you like to be Kerry all the time?” asked Pam and this made Kerry uncertain of where to go, “do you want to transition like Jean and Toni or are you happy living with me?” Pam had now put it in different terms as if the two things were mutually exclusive, one or the other, Kerry had to be very careful. Kerry looked at her “could they exist together, or is that too hard to consider, what I mean is would it look any different to how we are living this month?” Pam shifted in the bed and sat upright leaning on the pillow she held at her chest like a security blanket, “where is the problem if we stayed like this?” Kerry asked.

Hours of counseling and days of talking had skirted the issue of where did Kerry fit into the lives of Paul and Pam, if anywhere. Kerry had moved from closet to prison cell then parole until today she was a free woman working every day out in the world without any problems as far as she could see, but she tended to be blind in some areas of her life. “What would people think if they saw us together, how would I face them, what about the kids?” Pam muttered trying to make her thoughts clear. “People have seen us and they think we are just friends, we only kiss at home or in private, we have so few friends now apart from the new ones I seem to gather. The kids are okay with me and I think they would be fine if I said that I had decided to change” Kerry said these things and hoped they were true. “Anyway we have another five weeks to go before the project finishes, then we can discuss how we feel, I still need a real job that pays well and I don’t see Bill letting me come to work like this, do you?” Pam wasn’t happy but let it ride, it was as if Kerry had said yes but wasn’t ready to let Pam know.

Local wineries and cheese factories blended into each other, gift stalls and local produce stands along the road made tempting offers to take their money. Lunch was a pub meal of cheese, bread, roast beef and pickled onions, sometimes called a Plough-mans lunch washed down with local grape juice. Pam had been churning the conversation over in her mind and watched how people reacted to the two of them as they walked around occasionally arm in arm like two dear friends out shopping. Kerry had on her long kilt skirt over thick tights and leather hiking boots, up top she wore a thick woolen cardigan to keep the cold out and knitted scarf around her neck, ‘Country Living’ style at its best. Pam had thrown on her jeans, sneakers and parka with jumper underneath, not quite as stylish. As the sun started to go down and the tourist places all closed the two girls ended up back in the hotel but this time in the front lounge of the bar drinking mulled wine from large brandy balloons as they sat near an open fireplace in Chesterfield chairs. Kerry picked up a magazine for local businesses and flicked through looking at the range of business ventures in the region and how they had diversified to capture the most of the tourism market. Green politics had banned logging and closed several long term ventures as sustainable industry became the catch phrase or war cry of lobby groups. In the middle of all of the adverts she spotted an advert for a local B&B that proudly sported the rainbow, a symbol now used by the gay and lesbian community instead of the Christian church where it belonged. Kerry read about the weekend retreats and lack of pressure to conform to the opinion of others, it seemed a nice place to go to and noted the address. Dinner was more subdued as they had walked for miles along some winding forest paths and climbed a few steep paths on a tour around the old growth forest.

The rattle of the tray woke Pam as Kerry climbed back into bed, “come on sleepyhead, breakfast time” Kerry said sliding a tray to Pam. “You have been snoring for at least an hour while I’ve been up, showered, shaved, and read part of my book” Kerry said pouring a cup of tea for each of them. “I must have needed it, work has been fairly full on lately” Pam said fluffing up her pillow against the bed head and pulling the tray to her. They ate breakfast then pottered around for a while before packing and checking out of the hotel, Kerry had planned a few things to see before going back home and started the car. The B&B was up for sale and Kerry wanted to see the place for herself, owning a place like this had been on her agenda for years but never found the right place or income level. Pam reluctantly followed Kerry as she knocked on the door and introduced herself and that she was interested in finding out more about the operation they ran. An hour later Pam was surprised and slightly interested in the place but not enough to make the change from city to country living. The two women operating the place were obviously deeply in love and totally at peace with who they were in front of strangers, even if it was potential buyers. Unfortunately for Kerry the figures didn’t stack up, it would take a solid cash injection rather than financed loan to make the place break even.

Lunch at a winery before heading back home and a long drive, Kerry settled into the driving and Pam took the opportunity to continue her questions. In two hundred kilometers many questions can get sorted out, so by the time Kerry pulled the car into the drive Pam was comfortable with what they had discussed. Kerry would not undertake any modification at any time without full agreement, transitioning was an option but had to be rationally looked at in the light of employment and career planning. Of course what Kerry heard was “you can go 24/7 when you find a suitable job” as I said she could be blind in some areas of her life. So some sort of peace had been reached in both of their minds, even if they had not been saying the same thing. To Kerry the task would be to find a suitably well paying position that would allow her to work as herself and she wondered if Bill would accommodate her decision since he was already condoning the action at Jeans workplace. Transitioning was never on the table at the start as it was always about just finding out what the girl inside would look like not becoming the girl inside but the more she thought about it the more she wanted to give it a go.

Monday was start of week six and that left two weeks till ‘Go Live” day, the day when all things made the switch for real. Susan had to get the old system up to the most accurate and precise stage she could, that meant all invoices and deliveries being entered along with an accurate stock check and value of goods on hand. Susan would be working longer hours than others before the switch and Kerry would take the data files massage them into the right format and download them in the new system over the long weekend in nine days. Grace spent most of her days keying data into the system along with Susan and Kerry tracked duplicate invoices through the test system making sure both lined up. This was always the failsafe position as a fault here would delay the switch over until it could be fixed or worked around. Jean and Tracey seemed to be in their own world planning advertising and meeting endless suppliers for some unknown reason, their time in the office was far less than before the project had begun. Friday came and went just as quickly as the week as started, test results all looked good and Susan was confident of meeting the target date so everyone was ready for a relaxing two days off.

Pam worked again so Kerry tidied the house and did some shopping then sat in the coffee shop drinking her Latte and reading the daily paper, not a care in the world. Every so often she had spotted people from the old life and had made sure she avoided them, today she had seen two people but they had simply smiled and walked on not realizing who she was. That would be one benefit of transitioning she thought to herself, being unseen wherever she went unless Pam was with her then it would be different. Then as quite often this week she applied herself to the task at hand, finding a suitable job to go 24/7 as Kerry while earning enough money. To some degree the amount of money was less important than the right workplace in her analysis of risk versus return, high risk for any money would not cut it. Jean had called about dinner knowing that Pam was out of town so Kerry fronted up at Jeans place with wine in hand just before seven. Tracey opened the door and let Kerry inside before walking back into the kitchen where she was making the final touches to the meal. Kerry noticed the fact that Tracey was in control of the place and not Jean, flowers on the table and little extras that she hadn’t seen either time she visited before.

Dinner was good and the wine even better as they chatted about work and Jean’s transitioning before Kerry told them about Pam’s comment. “I think she said find a job and we can discuss it, but I may have been hearing things” Kerry said chuckling to herself, “is that all you need to make the jump?” Tracey asked, assuming that it would take far more energy for Kerry to change sides. “I was probably being simplistic, we would have to be comfortable being two women and I’m not sure about actual GRS and losing my bits” Kerry said looking at Tracey. Jean touched Tracey’s hand before saying “You know that we have been very much together since the trip to the Manor, don’t you”, Kerry laughed “duh, unless you two have suddenly got so many suppliers and new products that you have failed to tell us about, of course we guessed.” Tracey looked a bit shy about it but her smile was also a sign of relief as Kerry now knew, “we think it should still be hidden at work, they have enough with Jean at the moment” Tracey said continuing her dinner.

Jean wanted to know what Kerry would do for a job if she had a chance, what really made her day and would give her satisfaction. Kerry had to think for about 3 nanoseconds before talking, especially since she thought better with her mouth running. “For me the ideal job has to allow me to be creative and free to explore opportunities and make the most of ideas as they come up, let me explain what I mean. Take your business for a moment, you deliver one core business item of general maintenance, but where do people go that need a specific task doing. Yellow pages or local trade directory, what if they only had to ‘call once’, one number that had a wide range of specific trades available to help. A division just for reticulation or lawn edging, or fencing, or even home painting, one call to get the trade person you need at the time and place you want it without dealing with several promises from people that can’t deliver. Put all these inside a company that has an ironclad promise of delivery and service then make it a household name with one number service centre and you have a winner across any sector of the market. Now that is what you could do in under two years and take this place by storm” then Kerry picked up her wine and took a breath and long drink. Jean and Tracey had to be stunned by the speed and passion that Kerry used as she delivered her ideas in rapid fire.

Jean mulled it over on her head, she had been looking for the next stage in her business but had not gone anywhere near the things Kerry had just shot out. Tracey sat there methodically ordering the key points and ideas then wondering how the business would change if Jean ran with even half of them. Finally Jean put her drink down and looked quizzically at Kerry, “and how long would you give me if I offered you the job to implement the vision you just sold to me?” “What vision, that was just ideas from the top of my head, loose random thoughts with no solidity behind them” Kerry said realizing that she may have to remember what she just said. It was always a problem when Kerry had these brain attacks, she said it then had to think about what she had said, repeating it was difficult. Tracey touched Jeans hand as if to signify she wanted to have input, a condition or duty she no longer needed as Jean saw her now as a full partner in the business and was in the process of making that formal without her knowledge. “What you said was very straight forward, I can type each one of the points up for you, but you had so much passion about it that it would be hard to give to anyone else but you.” “Look, I never accept a job offer after two drinks and besides I have project to finish without getting distracted so let’s come back to it in four weeks” Kerry said while internally linking job offer with transitioning and making plans.

Sunday morning was a time to relax so after morning ablutions Kerry slipped into her pants and bra before eating breakfast in her silk wrap around, she had no plans for shopping or visiting but wanted to simply enjoy the day. After clearing the dishes, Kerry went to the bedroom and chose the short black and red kilt and a tight black sweater that was now tighter since she had purchased larger size D breast forms. Sitting at the makeup table Kerry took out the whitest foundation she could find before she went to town on her eyes. Using a liquid liner she applied heavy outline above and below the eye then used her best and darkest mascara to give extra depth to her lashes finishing with dark blue eye shadow and dark brown lipstick that gave a gothic finish to her outfit. Just to complete the image Kerry slipped on a pair of black stay up stockings that had four inch lace bands onto her legs and then took out her black “take me home” boots from the wardrobe. Talk about wet dream material, Kerry felt at least twenty years younger and looked it as well. Pam was not expected home until after 6pm and that gave her plenty of time to enjoy playing dress up.

Kerry couldn’t keep the ideas from last night out of her mind so sat down to put them down on paper, or computer, before she lost too much time churning them over. An couple of hours later she had a basic business plan that could be used for implementing all five new divisions with SWOT outlines for each one. The plan would take three years from start of project to final review and need serious investment in technology and backroom systems. Administration and cashflow were the weakest points in the plan as this would be critical to the expansion, Jean would have to take on a general manger or admin manager to keep it moving and under control. By increasing the payment speed and dispersing funds electronically to the franchisees the need for an overdraft or short term funding for supplies would be removed hence saving money. Kerry loved this sort of stuff and it gave her a sense of being useful instead of feeling like a failure that occurred sometimes as she sat and pondered the future.

Lunch called for her attention but so did Jean, asking about dropping in for a chat, kill two birds with one stone and Kerry threw together a salad and tuna with juice and rye bread for three, she assumed Tracey would be with Jean. Jean and Tracey knocked at the door and stepped back as Kerry answered looking so radically different to her normal self, “the cat’s away so the mouse is playing” Kerry said. Tracey was the most shocked and kept looking at Kerry’s makeup. As far as lunch was concerned she wasn’t wrong and as they sat outside eating a light lunch it was Jean that came straight to the point “I know you said to wait a month but I can’t get this out of my head.” Kerry laughed and told them both about her morning of business plans, SWOT analysis and her opinion of how long it would take to break even. “So what do we do, take the plunge or just talk about it for another four weeks?” Jean asked wondering how to get Kerry onboard without upsetting Bill. Kerry held up her hand “firstly I have to talk with Pam then Bill and you need to make an offer before I do anything.” “I knew that you would say that, so here is the offer” and slid a piece of paper over the table to Kerry, the contents made her sit up rather quickly. It included a very substantial base wage with new car and normal perks until the first enterprise started making net profit then it would increase with 25% straight from the top while she stayed working for Jean in an exclusive basis. If Kerry opted to branch out it would reduce to 10% residual for five years as long as she offered consulting services back to the company, which would be on a fee for service basis.

Kerry had to make a decision about her future and where she wanted to go before Pam came home, without being sure she would have no chance in persuading or discussing it. Kerry sat down in her short skirt and boots as she drank tea and weighed the options, stay as Paul with part time Kerry, become the woman she wanted to be full time, or make a half jump - Kerry on the outside with Paul under the skirt. Recently the benefit of keeping the crown jewels was almost a moot point as nothing seemed to work like it used to and the alternative method was quite nice for her. Could she carry it off every day without failure or would the thrill diminish over time and become just plain old clothes and makeup, was it just that anyway. How would Pam handle the sudden jump, was it sudden or had it just taken a long time arriving and what of the kids. Too much analysis is bad for the brain and Kerry got bogged down in small details well before she had an answer so decided to put it all back in the box for later. Kerry loved the gothic look but was pretty certain that Pam would have trouble with the combination of Tarty clothes and severe makeup, so she changed back into a more acceptable ‘soccer mum’ style before cooking dinner for Pam’s return, there was no mention of the offer or the playtime.

Back at work on Monday Kerry told Jean about her decision to finish the project before making a decision but would undertake a check on the software to make sure it was configured to handle multiple divisions. Kerry had on her knee length pencil skirt, white silk blouse covering a white sweater bra and clear hose in modest 2” heels. Tracey checked her out as she left Jean’s office, “that’s very tame for you isn’t it?” Tracey laughed as Kerry just walked past in a very controlled manner. “Anytime you want to come over to my house I’m sure you can learn a few tricks to keep someone happy” Kerry said disappearing into her office. Susan was checking on grace and making sure the system had been updated with stock levels from Saturdays stock take exercise. She dropped into Kerry’s office for a few minutes and ended up taking a seat, “my feet are killing me already, too much dancing at the weekend, we got mother in law to babysit for us” she said rubbing her feet. “Must be murder, what height heels did you have on?” Kerry asked expecting to hear about four or five inches, “just three inches but I have been on flats for over two years with the baby.” Kerry told Susan about her 5” spikes and her gothic take me home boots and offered to loan her some real shoes to go dancing in if she wanted a real good time out with her husband.

Kerry outlined the need for possible multiple divisions in the future and asked Susan to run a scenario over the configuration for her, Kerry was almost certain it would work but wanted Susan involved. Grace had finished entering the data for stock take and ended up sitting in the office as they went through the scenario, she quickly picked up enough information to put things together in her head then made some quite radical suggestions about administrative practices. Technology had come a long way in a few short years and IVR or Interactive Voice Recognition was now coming into it’s own with automated switchboards and voice over IP or netphones. “We could set up a system to match client needs with franchisees based on what the caller wants and what we have to offer” Grace said as she discussed the technology, mainly for Susan’s benefit. “Linking PDA’s with the accounting server we could also handle stock and invoicing without having to get faxes each night from the guys in the field, that has to speed up processing and reduce staff input as well” Grace had been studying technology interfaces with manual production systems at Uni and was quite well versed in modern trends. “How long before you finish your course?” Kerry asked thinking that Grace had another two years ahead of her. “About eight months, I did a summer intensive that caught up nearly a whole semester and plan on doing the same this Christmas break, why?” Grace watched as Kerry just shrugged off the question.

Grace had been diligently turning up for work, dressing smartly but casually and not making a ripple in the company, Kerry had watched her get chat up lines from the stores guy and fend them off without hurting. She had also interacted well with the ladies in admin and even gone to lunch some days not seeming out of place at all. Today Grace had on a knee length skirt, jumper and leather jacket to keep the cold out, coloured check pattern tights and ankle boots that matched her handbag and jacket. Grace made no impact in a negative way and always showed Susan a great deal of respect, her mum would have been proud of her new daughter. Actually most of the other women saw Grace as a great kid that was working hard getting through uni and also at her job, she deserved a helping hand. Tracey always made sure she was aware of what Grace was doing and kept an eye open for her friend Jen who picked her up most days, two nice girls that got on well around adults.

Kerry had planned on taking Wednesday and Thursday off in preparation for the weekend and spending them with Pam so everything had to be finished before Tuesday evening. Susan had confirmed the General Ledger structure would cope and the reports could be expanded as needed, the stock list was not an issue until they actually took on new suppliers. Jean and Kerry went out on Tuesday for a bite to eat but also so Jean could make sure the project was on track, “anything I need to be concerned about?” Kerry told her to relax as the team had it under control and although it would be a couple of long days over the weekend. “Just let me know if you need anything else” Jean said reminding Kerry that she trusted her with the job and the staff at her disposal. Kerry asked Jean about her project, “Tracey is making it very easy to keep going, she makes sure we get time out of the office and encourages me every day, her clothes tips are also making me feel more confident when we go out to suppliers or meet corporate clients.” Kerry had noticed the extra highlights in her hair and the constant use of good makeup along with rings and bangles she was looking quite the with it girl. Jean sat there eating her salad swinging her right heel on the tip of her foot as if she had been born in the clothes that said quality and sophistication.

To be continued - Part 3 Will make the change of job and gender, will Jean still need to change, and what about poor old Bill?

Kerry

Continuing Release part 3
By Kerry Brown

The transition project comes to an end, at least for some of the girls

Pam got home late on Tuesday night as she had to finish work for two days, Kerry looked at her and the state of the kitchen, new appliances in place but not working yet. “Come on lets go out somewhere for dinner, can’t cook anything here” Kerry said grabbing her handbag that continually resided near the front door. It wasn’t her only one but it was the one that carried most of her bits for work and car keys, “let me just freshen up” Pam said reminding Kerry that it took time to look good. Kerry used the time to dial ahead and make a booking at a new place that had just been reviewed in the weekend paper, table for two on a Tuesday night would not be an issue normally but today after the review they would have to wait thirty minutes for a table. “Make that drinks on the balcony first then” Kerry said confirming the time, Pam had slipped into a fresh dress and put on more makeup for the evening. Kerry commented “you know that you are looking fantastic lately, the extra effort with makeup makes you look so much younger.” Pam was pleased about the comment as makeup was hard for her to get just right, too much was cheap and too little didn’t show up in the night lights. Good job she hadn’t seen the goth.

As they sat around the balcony admiring the water views Kerry and Pam talked about the kitchen and new furniture that had been delivered this week. Pam asked how Kerry thought she would go returning after the project, this had always been the major risk in taking the project as 24/7 Kerry time. “Not sure what to do afterwards, Jean has offered me a job as Manager, Product Development with a very good package deal” Kerry said. “Thanks for telling me about this” Pam said sarcastically “when did you intend to discuss it with me, or have you already made up your own mind about it?” Kerry told Pam about waiting until end of project to discuss it so that she wasn’t distracted but Pam was annoyed that she had been misled again referring to the deception of years ago. Kerry worked quickly to assure Pam that it was only at stage one of the thinking with Jean and that she had made no decisions and wouldn’t until Pam had the full details and an equal vote, which really gave her power of veto. Dinner was a tad strained as Pam went through the emotions of being ‘lied to’ even if it was only a decision to put off any discussion she should have been told.

It was early the next morning when tradesmen arrived to continue work on the kitchen and Pam found the place too noisy to relax so went to work, she was still angry with Kerry. By the end of the day the kitchen was all finished and Kerry had time to cook a nice dinner for them before Pam came home, preferring to set the outdoor table using the water feature as a backdrop with candles floating around the pond. “Is this an apology for not telling me?” Pam asked putting her bags on the bench and picking up a wine glass. Kerry had a sheepish look on her face “I guess I should have been quicker to say something so yes it is” the puppy dog eyes fluttered. “Well don’t let it happen again, would you like to know what I think or should I make you wait until the end of the project?” Pam asked stringing Kerry along. Kerry was interested in what Pam thought but wanted to tread carefully, “only if you want to tell me dear” she said sitting down at the table.

Pam started to talk, “I don’t want you to take this as approval or rejection, just let me get it out, OK. Well, Kerry is not that hard to live with compared to Paul, he can be grumpy and demanding at times and even downright difficult while Kerry isn’t like that at all. I can take Kerry shopping and have sensible chats about makeup and clothes without being told to always buy sexy lingerie and such like. Going out for dinner or to the cinema is no problem because I just treat you like a girlfriend and have a good time without any expectations. From your side I assume the biggest question would have to do with sex, so let’s clear that up right now. I want you to write down a score for the quality of sex in the last seven weeks compared to the previous seven weeks and I will do the same, make it out of ten where five is no change.” Kerry scribbled down a figure and Pam hid hers “OK, let’s see what you think” and Paul turned over a piece of paper with 8 written on it. “Care to explain why, actually I don’t need to ask I can tell from all of the noise you’ve been making lately” Pam said making Kerry blush. “Here is my score and you will be surprised, an eight as well” Kerry looked at the score not sure how Pam would rate the current state of play as so high. “Shocked, let me put it this way —TIME, Paul has no real time he wants to get it over with, I know you make sure that I am happy and everything but that’s not the same. Kerry always takes time to seduce and romance me and as unusual as that may seem I totally appreciate that rather than just having sex, on this score alone I would vote for Kerry.”

Pam stopped and took another drink, Kerry was shocked as she expected more trouble with the sex question. “Let me get this straight, you prefer it when I am in bed with you than when Paul is here?” Kerry asked thinking she must of heard it wrong. “Yes silly so don’t change you make me feel so alive every time you seduce me” Pam said making sure Kerry understood that it was the seducing that made the difference and not just the act of sex. ”Does that mean that you are voting for Kerry rather than Paul?” Kerry asked not sure if Pam had gone that far yet. The gentle nod of her head was all Kerry needed “and what about being out with me and having others see us together?” Pam wasn’t as certain about this area but when they went out Kerry seemed to treat Pam as a friend and not a sexual object, public displays of affection or PDA’s were not that common for them and hence never a real issue. “We have so few of our old friends that it doesn’t matter anymore and the new ones are mainly ours” Pam said quietly. This point still hurt her but she had made herself come to terms with it. “Now that doesn’t mean that you can race out and get it chopped off or breast implants, we need to take our time and you had better keep talking to me” Pam stated making the ground rules very clear for Kerry. By now Kerry was beginning to get very wet from the eyes, she had just accepted that the most serious change in her life could actually happen and it flowed for a long time.

The next morning was just them and Pam made Kerry breakfast while she put her face in order, shave and makeup then basic underwear before coming out into the kitchen. “I should start to think about hair removal seriously and some kind of hormones to help the figure” Kerry said testing the water, “I told you to slow down and talk it through” Pam laughed. “I did slow down, I’ve been thinking of nothing else since last night and would of got out of bed and searched the internet if it hadn’t woken you up” Kerry replied. Pam shook her head “sometimes you can be so full on as Kerry, what about RLT and getting help?” Kerry had been talking with Jean about her shrink and had also spoken to Toni when she started her time so she had two references to go on. “I Like the sound of Jeans psych, she sounds more like the type of person I would relate to” Kerry said referring to Anne “I could ring and find out if she has any spare appointment times, if you let me?” Pam was never really surprised at the speed that Kerry worked through issues, she only had one speed — flat out. “Go on then and better ask about a good doctor as well, since you’ll probably want the lot fairly soon” Pam shouted as Kerry had gone to get her mobile and call Jean for Anne’s phone number. It would normally take several months to get into Anne’s practice but a client had booked a double session for the late afternoon and gone down sick so Kerry was very happy to take the spot. They spent the rest of the day choosing new paint for the lounge and kitchen to match the new furniture, then booked a tradesman to complete the job over a weekend.

As Kerry walked into the front office of Anne’s practice she looked every bit the professional woman that had it all together but underneath she was far from it in many ways. This had been a journey of an entire life time but the last few months had far exceeded her greatest expectations and blown away any fear of going back inside the prison cell that Kerry had been forced into. The receptionist handed Kerry a clipboard and pen to fill in the basic name details and sign a standard Privacy Waiver and Consent form that allowed the doctor to breach the privacy agreement if she felt the patient’s life was at risk or an associated person. It was almost exactly on time that Anne called Kerry into her room, Kerry nearly said to herself “are you good to go?” remembering her first outside steps nearly three years ago. Anne was a slightly eccentric person with posters and paintings all over the wall depicting various stages of life and death but her smile made Kerry feel safe. Kerry handed Anne the clipboard and it took her a few seconds to read the name correctly “Sorry, did they swap the forms on you?” Anne asked thinking that it was for another client. Kerry smiled at her knowing what was going through her head “no, the name is right just the body is wrong” she said sitting down on the proverbial couch.

Anne got Kerry to start at the beginning and talk about her life and what brought her to this point today, that took most of the first session. In the second session Anne asked several questions and gave Kerry a gender test that anyone determined on starting RLT could have faked and surprise the results said it all, Kerry needed to transition. Anne was very taken with how Kerry had carried herself for the last seven weeks and Jean had even mentioned her help in matters so RLT was officially started seven weeks earlier. Anne made copious notes in her folder and then asked about hormones and surgery, “good question, my wife wants me to slow down and not do anything radical at the start so how about just letting me visit the doctor and tread carefully with the whole deal.” Anne wanted to meet Pam at some stage prior to completing RLT and would need her sign off on the permission to proceed so nothing too radical could happen without Pam being involved. Anne handed Kerry a card with the name of a good doctor for hormones and surgery that she had used before with other clients, Dr Gwynn Jones. Kerry made an appointment for every month and thanked Anne for helping her then skipped all the way home, in the car of course.

As you would expect from a wife, Pam wanted to know about every question and what answers did Kerry give and how long and what cost etc, it took nearly as long as the two session for the debrief to occur, this made Pam feel happy and told Kerry. Friday morning and back to work but before Kerry started what would be a very tiring four days she stopped at Jeans office “time for a quick chat?” Kerry asked closing the door after Jean consented. They spent nearly an hour talking and going through the whole decision to transition, Kerry was far more excited than Jean had thought possible. The business offer was almost a done deal now as Kerry had moved the barriers in her favour. “Better get to work it’s going to be a long day or should I say a long four days” Kerry said leaving the office and bumping into Susan coming through the foyer. Susan groaned a bit as Kerry apologized to her “what’s up, not feeling well today?” Susan looked a bit white or green around the gills as some would say. “Not pregnant are you?” Kerry said joking but the look on Susan’s face told the story “not sure let me see, morning sickness, no period, bloated, what do you think?” Kerry had no idea what to do, this was outside her acting skills, men don’t hug each other on the creation of a life, and Kerry could never know how Susan felt. “Wow, what can I say, I take it that you had no plans to start again” Kerry said stalling for any indication of how Susan felt, “not really three under school age is going to be hard work.” Tracey had heard some of the conversation and came over to Susan and hugged her, “need a cuppa and biscuit to start the day?” Tracey said leading her into the side office away from the public area. Kerry felt like a fifth wheel or something just as unwanted at the time and vanished into her office, the thought of never knowing the joy of motherhood was an interesting pain for Kerry.

Grace came and went throughout the day, Susan was better after the drink and powered through the day, stocktake and invoicing kept pace with the deliveries and sales then banking and petty cash came into line just before end of day. Just before five the team met to confirm they all had met their personal goals and the system would be closed down almost immediately taking the system off line until Tuesday morning. As the staff all filed out it was time for Susan and Kerry to break, a short break for dinner while the servers all backed up and reinitiated the database back to zero journal entries. The old system would be exported to Excel, massaged into the correct format and finally uploaded into the new system, this was the most time consuming as the format changes could not be automated. It took a further three hours for Kerry to stop and call time out, she had everything on her laptop and remote access to the server, Susan had done a great job in keeping the old system spot on the money it all balanced and the trial balance was within a cent. Now it was up to Kerry to do her thing as the others would have three days off work for fun and games.

Jean locked the office and set the alarm and walked out with Kerry to the cars. “Have I told you that I appreciate having you on the project?” Jean asked “not in as many words but I gather that you have found the going easier with me around here than one of the male techs that may not be so caring.” Jean leaned towards Kerry and kissed her cheek “thanks for being here and don’t kill yourself over the weekend I need you to drive your vision” Jean said turning to get in the car with Tracey at the wheel. Kerry stood and waited for seconds before getting in her own car, this was not the project she had expected when Bill gave it to her nearly two months previously.

The home office was clear for work and she had to push herself everyday to make the deadline, massage, test, next data file, massage, test, and so it went on through the weekend until Monday morning. Kerry instructed the server to run a backup containing all data and stock files before running any trial invoices, she didn’t need to but Kerry was always aware that gremlins found their way into any programme that had human interfaces. Early afternoon and Kerry was now happy all tests had been passed and the system set back ready for start of Tuesday. “I’m just going to chill out and relax for a few hours” Kerry said and vanished into the bedroom, she emerged several minutes later wearing just a pair of silk PJ’s and her favourite silk wrap and slippers. For the rest of the day she sat on the couch with her feet curled under her reading a magazine and drinking tea, the perfect way to finish a weekend.

Just before six her mobile rang, it was a private number and that meant someone that she didn’t know and had to choose to answer it. Luckily she did answer as the doctor Anne had referred her to had an opening at the end of Tuesday and wanted to know if she could make it, Anne had sent him a personal email to speed things up if he could help. Pam accepted the offer of being involved partly to stop Kerry from racing ahead without her and partly to show her support for the process.

Come Tuesday and Kerry put on a mid calf wool skirt with sweater and beads around her neck, long brown boots without pantyhose, slightly retro looking but still very smart for the office as it would also be the outfit to meet the doctor in after work. Entering the building she stopped to say hello to Tracey then reporting to Jean that everything was good, the look on her face showed some of the stress associated with system upgrades from the clients point of view. “Got a meeting with Dr Gwynn Jones tonight as well” Kerry said almost matter of fact, “you really do go at things with a passion don’t you” Jean said pointing to a chair. They chatted for a while so Jean could catch up with the state of play in Kerry’s transition plans and let Kerry know how she was going. “Tracey has been encouraging me to make serious plans for the future, you know to cut or not to cut, that is the question” Jean said mis-quoting Shakespeare. “Would you consider delaying or putting it off?” Kerry asked, not surprised that the relationship with Tracey had brought some degree of doubt into the arena. Jean was not certain any more “it’s just that we are really getting serious together and that could all stop if I had the operation.” “I think you need to talk with Dr Anne some more and take plenty of time” Kerry said trying to give sound advice, “hah look at you miss lead foot giving me advice on slowing down.” The rest of the staff were coming into the admin area and Kerry had to be there to make sure they followed the right steps for logon and starting the data entry so it was time to work, and she did until almost five before the staff slowed down.

Pam had gone to work by bus and had arranged to meet Kerry outside her workplace en-route to the doctors practice, it gave them time for a quick hello and status check. “Are you still okay with all of this?” Kerry asked “yes I am, actually I am very relaxed with this stage” Pam said to Kerry’s amazement. As they entered the practice rooms they had the usual clipboard and pen given to them for privacy and billing information. The doctor was running late with his last client but as they heard another door close he then opened the waiting room door to let them into his office, “glad to meet you, well I have to say that you are passing very well and that will make my work easier.” The normal round of show and tell with prodding and blood test before he sat them down to talk through the processes and options available to Kerry.

“I would normally start a person on a hormone flood, absolutely belt the body with an overdose of female hormones to let it know that things were going to change, then continue with regular injections and tablets to keep it all moving along. In your case having already had a vasectomy I am thinking of a different tack, the risk of testicular cancer is greater for men that have had the snip and since you will probably end up with GRS I was thinking about removing the testes sooner rather than later. This is a simple operation that takes around 48 hours in hospital and I could remodel the scrotum and penis to give a more acceptable look. Tell me if I’m wrong but you have probably only ever sat down to pee, standing would feel too alien to you, this procedure would move the penis inside the sac and point downwards through a new opening. If you change your mind I can move it back but from what I see before me the chance of that is small, after a few days we would start the flooding and regular follow up doses.”

The doctor took a breath before continuing as if delivering a teaching lesson, “the other procedure is breast augmentation and given your stage of life the possibility of your growing anything substantial is minor so I would recommend a holiday in Thailand and a visit to my clinic.” Kerry stopped him, “what clinic in Thailand, Anne didn’t mention anything overseas?” Gwynn showed them both a brochure of the hospital with all of the latest equipment and staff wearing spotless white uniforms and smiling faces, “much cheaper than doing it here, and you can have a holiday at the same time, we could do both things together if you wanted?” Now it was up to Pam and Kerry to make a decision, all ahead or all stop, “when are you in Thailand next?” Pam asked. “I go in two weeks and stay for another four so anytime in that range would be easy to arrange for you” he said looking at his schedule. “It normally takes only ten days to get a visa if you have a passport” Paul and Pam had passports but then the thought of traveling looking like Kerry but showing a passport for Paul. “By the way, before you get scared off I give you a letter to present to customs at both ends covering the difference in appearance, all very normal to these guys” Gwynn said already printing off the letter. Kerry ran a painted fingernail over her calendar in her blackberry and the project finished in two to three weeks, time for visa and airfares. Now it was up to Pam, “I can make that timeframe doctor so it’s only up to Kerry if she really wants this” Pam said throwing the ball back into Kerry’s court.

Driving away from the doctors place it was Pam that spoke first “surprised that I said yes so easily or just not talking?” Kerry had been taken back at the speed of her approval “you told me to slow down and take it easy then go and book me in for the surgery already, what happened?” Pam laughed “that was only for you to slow down, I have had every day of the last three years to process this step and I had made up my mind a few weeks ago.” Kerry was glad she hadn’t manipulated the situation or pressured Pam into the offer but mostly that she was at the next phase of her journey from prison to freedom. Wednesday morning Kerry went back to work meeting Jean as she entered the kitchen to make a coffee for herself “how did it go with the doctor?” Jean asked “great, he has made booking for surgery in Thailand in three weeks.” Jean shook her head “surgery already, what is he going to do I thought you had to wait a whole year?” Kerry told Jean about the breast additions and how the obsolete testes could be removed and the sac reshaped to look better, not quite GRS but a lot better for her peace of mind. “This project was for me to transition not you does that mean I get my money back?” Jean joked. Reports and testing was all Kerry had to do and Grace had been reassigned to Kerry for the last two weeks of her holiday work, Kerry asked her to expand the PDA idea for data input and present a short report on Friday before finishing up.

After the Thursday project team meeting with Bill, Kerry asked him to stay for a while so she and Jean could talk privately with him. “I would prefer to do this between you and me but Jean has asked to be present” Kerry started “Bill, look at me, what do you see?” Bill mentioned legs, clothes, smile, makeup, “what you haven’t mentioned is Paul” Kerry said stating the obvious to all three of them in the office. “What I mean is, as far as I can see by looking in the mirror Paul has ceased to exist and finding him is getting harder each week. I have been talking with Jean about business ideas for her company and she has offered me the chance to join the company in an equity share. This was not planned or sought after it just came out one day when I started sprouting ideas like I do and then transitioning was a simple step on from there.” Bill sat and tried to take in what Kerry had said “two months ago you asked me how I felt after the ball last year and I hedged the question. If I had been honest with you I would have said about feeling cheated at having to take the clothes off and how I felt so special with them on so I can understand a little of how you feel” Bill said “go for it but can I have your skills available for a year behind the scenes?” So after an hour Bill had lost a consultant and gained a remote worker, Jean had a business partner and Bill had nowhere to go with his thoughts that would haunt him for many years to come.

Jean had offered Kerry the use of the spare bedroom over the weekend as Pam was away and the painters would be working for the four days, Friday to Monday. Tracey suggested that the group go out for dinner and dancing on Friday night so as Kerry dropped Pam off at her workplace with her suitcase ready to fly out, she also had larger than normal suitcase in the boot for her own clothes. She was not surprised that as Paul the bag would have been about a quarter of the size as Kerry needed so many more options and changes of clothes. Dressed in her black slacks and jacket Kerry had a deep red camisole underneath and low heels she walked into the front foyer and helped Pam by pulling the suitcase with Pam carrying her computer bag and handbag. They went to Pam’s office not expecting any of the other staff to be at work yet, “Hi Pam” said Megan, Pam’s assistant. “Oh, hi I didn’t think you would be here yet” Pam said looking at Kerry for help “my name’s Kerry, I’m Pam’s sister in law” she said holding out a delicate hand. The tense moment passed and Meg went to get her tea cup filled, “thanks, better get out of here before the rest come in” Pam said ushering Kerry to the lifts, no kisses or hugs just a quick bye.

Kerry had been finishing off the standard reports during the morning when Jean came into her office to find out if everything was okay for the evening. “You know that style of suit in the combination of red and black looks very good on you it could become a uniform around here” Jean said thinking aloud. “Only if you let me wear the short skirt that came as part of the outfit, I just love the quality and feel on my legs” Kerry said “and I’m sure you would like it as well.” They discussed the project then Jean went out leaving Kerry to finish her reports, she was a good week ahead of the project plans and that felt really good for her. Tracey and Jean vanished at lunch time so Kerry offered to take Grace out to the café for lunch and a time to talk about her future. Kerry chose a table on the outer and they both ordered similar style, salad and mineral water with fruit. “I know, watching your waistline for summer” Kerry said knowing exactly what was going through Grace’s head —‘summer fashions and stick like figures’. After the food had been served Kerry asked Grace “where do you think Grace fits in with the rest of your life now that you have had two long sessions out of the closet?” Grace was very articulate about her plans and feelings, Grace was a part of Graeme and not the end of Graeme so there were no plans apart from enjoying whatever got offered and Jen was becoming a major part of Graeme’s life as well. “So does that mean we may see Grace around occasionally or very little?” Grace had one of those sheepish grins on her face, “what do you think.”

The plan was for the group to meet at the restaurant and then go out for drinks and dancing, the group was Jean and Tracey, Jen and Grace, and Kerry. Susan was now officially pregnant and had to take it easy for a couple of weeks until the start of second trimester. Jen and Grace had matching outfits, Jen wore her silver body stocking and short black skirt and silver 4” heels, her pantyhose were Lycra with silver flecks that made her legs sparkle, Grace had the same style of outfit on but in gold. The pair made a stunning statement and the fact that they always held hands or touched made it obvious they were very close. Jean had been shopping and bought a gathered dress that could be made longer or shorter by adjusting or undoing the ties, almost like a venetian blind. Tracey was far more discreet with her LBD off the shoulder revealing a tattoo on her shoulder blade of a butterfly and rose, the inscription read “love blooms slowly”. Kerry was not sure how to dress but had been talked into the short black and red kilt, and take me home boots, underneath which she had on a black corset and stockings that were clearly visible. The six inch welt made from black lace sitting just below her hemline and the corset covered only slightly with a black and red bolero jacket that matched the kilt. Kerry had been more refined with the makeup but black was the theme of her evening and eyes that had been outlined to the limit and surrounded by lashes. The restaurant was next door to the club and did a good trade on Friday night, the staff not showing any reaction to how the girls had been dressed as they looked just like most of the clubbers.

Dinner was a relaxed time for most of them as they talked about anything except work, a basic rule that several companies tried when staff got together on a social time. Kerry had no problem going out normally but dressed like she was tonight caused a level of discomfort for her that made her look around regularly at the crowds. “Relax, you look fantastic and there will be others with similar gear on” Tracey said “maybe but none of them are quite like me are they” Kerry said making her point. They sat drinking coffee until the club opened just before nine and half of the patrons left the restaurant at the same time. “Good evening ladies here for a good time are we?” said one of the bouncers on the door, “depends what’s on offer” replied Jen knowing how to deal with the security guys. Grace and Jen found a table away from the music but close enough to the dance floor that they could watch each other during the night. Jean came back from the bar with the first round of drinks but Jen and Grace had already moved to the dancing area, “no stopping that pair” Tracey said. “I guess you want to join them” said Jean standing and taking her hand gently, “you okay minding the drinks for a while?” Kerry sat there watching the four dance away without drawing attention although it was four girls it seemed to be mainly girls tonight.

“Not dancing tonight?” asked a guy that could have been anywhere from thirty five to fifty “not quite my style” she replied noticing that he had pulled up a bar stool and sat down. “I haven’t seen you here before are you new in town?” he asked sounding like a cliché but not caring much. “Oh please don’t they teach you any better lines than that, what about hello my name is” Kerry offered to the guy who was a bit stunned by her reproach. “All right then, hello my name’s Ken how are you?” he said trying to start again “I’m Kerry thanks for asking, what do you do for a job Ken?” By the time the others came back Ken was chatting with Kerry about her work and what she thought of the new version of Windows. The music had changed to a slower style so Ken held out his hand “here’s a slow one, care to dance?” Ken asked standing ready to lead her onto the dance floor. It took Kerry a few seconds to adjust her dancing but Ken would have only noticed a slight hesitation on her behalf, they danced for a while then Kerry felt Ken’s hand move down her back to her skirt. “I think that’s far enough Ken” she said hoping to stop his wandering palm trouble, it didn’t “just wanted to touch you a bit closer that’s all.” It wasn’t all he wanted and Kerry found out as he squeezed her cheek, “a girl like you has different needs to the others, how about me helping you with some of them?” Kerry realized that Ken had not only read her but also determined that he wanted to take her home for in depth study, so to speak.

Kerry pulled away from Ken and walked straight off the dance floor leaving Ken by himself, sitting down at the table she started to shake as she took a deep drink. “What’s up?” Jean asked aware of her state “just had a guy touch me up after reading me” Kerry said taking another drink. Jean moved closer and held her arm until she stopped shaking, “it has to happen sooner or later, try to settle down and compose yourself” Jean encouraged Kerry. Ken had made his move found a blockage so went around it and came back for another try at Kerry “sorry I should have been more tactful, can I buy you a drink?” Ken should have left while he could still walk as Jean flew into his face. “Let me be blunt about this, either you get out of our space or you will need more surgery than either of us girls are looking forward to” Jean said without backing down. Ken had not read Jean or Grace but now he saw all three of them in his face and angry as hell, “alright, sorry to disturb your night out Ladies.” The small group gathered around like a protective cordon covering each other’s back, “are you okay to stay or do you want to leave?” they asked Kerry since she was the most affected. They stayed for another round of drinks but it had spoilt the night to some degree “my place, and drive carefully” Jean said picking up her clutch bag and heading for the doors.

Tracey made coffee and brought out the cups for each of them as each girl slipped off their heels and curled their legs underneath as they sat on the leather lounge and chairs. “Three of us are settled in for the night, you are free to stay the night if you want” Jean offered Grace and Jen who talked about it but with Jens work time she had to be out before 8am. “Thanks but it is bit hard being a Friday night, ask me on a Saturday evening” Jen said hoping that Jean and Tracey would invite her back. The group got on really well even with a wide age spread, they understood each other and the problems they had in common that needed talking through at times. “I can’t believe the cheek of that guy tonight” said Tracey, Jen laughed at the comment “haven’t been to many clubs have you, that is the problem with Friday night they want to pickup for the whole weekend.” “Is it like that at all of the clubs?” asked Tracey still amazed that in this era men could just grab a woman’s backside like meat off the counter, “pretty much every straight club not so much in the gay bars though.” “In that case our next night out can be at an all girls club” Tracey said rather determined that the group would both be out together and assuming that they were all girls when they did so. After a long week Jen and Grace ended up leaving quite early, compared to what they would have done if they had stayed at the club.

Saturday morning found Jean and Kerry sitting on the patio enjoying the sun having the first cuppa for the day, “last night shook me up a bit I thought that I passed really well, but then I could be in denial still” Kerry joked. Underneath she was disturbed at being read even by a person that was obviously targeting girls like her as he had put it. The risk of being outed was always there but by blending in she had been okay so maybe it was the outlandish outfit and the ‘take me home’ boots that made her stand out from the crowd. After processing her look on the night and how far out it was from her normal clothes she decided that the clothes outed her and not her own features, that took care of things and she returned to normal Kerry mode. Being in denial or self deception can be really useful sometimes. Tracey had mentioned going to the main shopping area and choosing some better clothes for Jean to work in rather than use all of her nice ones every day so after breakfast they piled into Jeans car and hit the shops.

After two hours she had some of the things Tracey had in mind but jean had another thought. “Remember that outfit you had on last week, the slack suit and red cami, that would make a nice work outfit for the girls and it matches our corporate colours” Jean said holding up a business card. By the end of another hour Jean had five deep red camisoles for all of the girls and she and Tracey had matched Kerry’s slack suit with skirt and shoes. “Now all we need is matching lingerie” joked Kerry thinking about what she had back home, “or a nice corset like the one you made me buy?” said jean. “Made you buy, you practically begged me to let you know about it, not a bad idea though and I know where we can get some whips as well.” Tracey could never keep up with these two as they had so much in common at times, “be nice girls, lets limit the fun to basic underwear and hosiery not like last night.”

Lunch called and they sat watching the customers run around the mall dragging kids and pushing carts full of groceries and shopping. “You know that when we roll out the new advertising it’s going to draw attention to the company so we had better make this work for all of the women at work, any ideas?” asked Jean. “I can see the women wearing lightweight jackets or blouses that match but not Bob in the store” said Kerry thinking of how Bob always insisted that it took a man to make the place work properly even after Jean came out. “A nice collared shirt and logo for the van guys and Bob should be easy to organize” said Tracey picking up one of the camisoles. “Winter gets a bit nippy so the women may need more of a blouse or thin sweater when the weather gets colder or they have to go out.” “Better make it a suitable uniform then Susan can use it till she pops out the next one” Kerry said thinking of how some of the women may need larger sizes.

“Talking of Susan, has she spoken to you about her plans yet?” asked Jean, “she mentioned something about working remotely but nothing else, why?” Jean told Kerry that Susan had asked if Grace could cover the Christmas break for four to five months to give her time to have the baby and take a few months off while she breast fed. Grace could handle the data entry and basic stuff while Susan would handle the accounting functions via remote login to the server. By mid March Grace had to be back at uni and Susan would return fulltime. “What about Grace, is she happy to spend so much time away from work experience as a production manager?” asked Kerry wondering how Grace was going to reconcile studies with working for Jean. “She has been talking about shifting her focus into more business management than production and this last couple of months has helped define her desire in that area, could you use her skills?” Jean asked Kerry. The idea of an intern or trainee was one that Kerry had been bouncing around with jean when they spoke about the new venture but Grace had never been on the radar. Kerry thought Graeme would return to University so it all needed thrashing out with Grace and Graeme and probably Jen as well.

Sunday came and went, Monday morning and Kerry drove to work via the house to see how far the painters were from finishing and also to swap work outfits. The painters had not arrived and only small details had to be finished so she was confident that they would be good by the end of day. Kerry took off her jeans and t-shirt dropping them to the ground and standing in her dark blue silk bra and panties admiring her image in the mirror, when the front door suddenly opened and in walked the painters. “Sorry love, didn’t know you were home” the painter said making no effort to move his eyes from her body. Kerry grabbed her jeans to cover her body but silently was happy that the guys found her worth starring at as she closed the bedroom door. She could hear the guys comments as they walked into the kitchen “not bad looking, nice set of boobs as well.” If they only knew that it was silicone and surgical tape they may not have been so impressed. Ten minutes later Kerry entered the kitchen wearing her black knee length skirt and jacket with the deep red camisole, sheer pantyhose and four inch heels. “I hope the floor show won’t put you off working too much” Kerry laughed picking up her handbag and keys, “and thanks for the compliment it makes a girls day” and she left.

By the time Kerry arrived at work Jean had already been talking to the admin women about uniforms and changes to the dress code. “I don’t know, been a woman all of a few minutes and thinks she can tell us what to wear” one of the women joked in a fake cockney accent. John and now Jean had always got on well with the staff and looked after their needs at work and sometimes in their families as well. “Does Bob have to wear a dress now?” one of the younger girls asked causing Bob to shout murderous comments her way. The light hearted nature of the workplace made change easier for all of them so by midweek the front office had one outfit and the admin area had their own adaptation in the same colours. Come Thursday the project team was ready for final handover with Bill, he entered the office to face five women all dressed in black skirts and jackets with camisole tops and sitting with their legs crossed the same way facing Bill. “Another setup?” he laughed at Jean.

Kerry summarized the project goals and objectives and confirmed that all had been achieved a week ahead of schedule then Jean took over. “This has been far easier than I expected and in no small part is that due Kerry and her ability to make things work, so thanks Kerry for all that you have done.” There was an implied thank you that few of the people understood for the special project as well. Bill had some formal things to do then handed over the final agreement for Jean to sign, this formally finished the installation phase and allowed for Bill to charge extra work as and when it was needed. The team split up leaving Bill, Jean and Kerry in the office together. “I guess that means I’m finished being employed by you as well Bill, I just want to thank you for being a great boss, over the years you have trained me well and given me some really good projects. I think the best two have been Red Cross and here as they allowed me to be myself and show what I can really do” Kerry said smiling to Bill. “The staff back in the office have been told the story of being seconded to Bill and posted interstate for an extended period just in case you want to come back and it will allow you to phone in or do the remote work that we talked about so good luck for the future” Bill finished and shook hands with Kerry, who gave him a kiss on the cheek “thanks Bill for everything.” Jean saw Bill to the front foyer and came back into her office a minute later “I think Bill is sorry to see you go in more ways than one” Jean said. “Me too he was good but then he did make me get all dressed up in women’s clothes and don’t I love them” Kerry chuckled standing to leave the office. “That puts me on leave as of Friday night for a month, Bill said the office will cover for me but if anything unusual happens just e-mail me and I can get online” Kerry said returning to her office and a meeting with Grace.

Grace had finished her research on PDA input devices and a methodology for interfacing to the system via the mobile wireless internet and presented the report to Kerry. It was fairly detailed in background information to support her choice of PDA’s and coverage maps showing franchisee locations around the state, the main choice of carrier determined by reliability of cover rather than cost. The project would need some web based interface written to take the core data from the system and upload to the PDA on daily basis or whenever the stock list changed. The input side would be almost simple XML coding similar to the report structure, just data moving in and out of ledgers in batch mode. Designing a suitable template for the PDA would be the biggest job but Grace had tracked down a supplier that made a similar product interface for another major accounting system and had been talking about adapting their product to suit. The cost was possibly going to be offset by the number of sales opportunities they would get from the new product but it would cost in time and effort to supply all of the technical details and testing the beta product. “This is one fantastic report Grace, from here we should be able to implement within the next year” Kerry said making sure Grace had added her name to the report as author. “Thanks, I enjoyed the challenge and talking through the project with other people it should be worth the effort to save the re-keying of invoices and the vans needing to carry stock changes every week. Is there anything I can do to get this started since I still have a day or two?”

Kerry asked Grace to give her a few hours to talk the project over with Jean and she would let her know what they decided, Grace went back to her office which had been constructed next to Kerry’s but backed onto the rear of Jeans. The layout was unusual but gave Grace access to the private shower and makeup area, a concession from Jean to help Grace. Kerry ran one last system update and scheduled backup for end of day then booked a meeting with Jean to discuss the second project. Seeing her face in the monitor reflections she stopped to ponder the past, from being sacked to consultant, released from jail and then a whole week as Kerry and finally this transition project. Jean had no problems transitioning but Kerry never expected that she would also get the offer to follow her heart in the same way. “Penny for your thoughts” said Tracey standing in the doorway, “oh, sorry I was just reminiscing about the journey” Kerry sighed. “You haven’t really told me about it, care to?” Tracey asked as she pulled up a chair, sitting there in the same skirt and top as Kerry they looked every part the corporate workers they had become. Kerry told Tracey the abbreviated version about being hurt after requesting time out from work, losing the job and working with Bill. Some of the stories made Tracey cry and some made her laugh but mostly they gave her the chance to see Kerry being released from the bonds of control. Tracey gave Kerry a hug before leaving the office, “I am glad you are staying around you will be good for Jean and me, we both need help at times.”

Jean buzzed Kerry to bring Grace’s report in to her, “give me the big picture outline no technical babble” Jean said as Kerry sat down at the small table that had become the normal place for Jean to use for meetings, her power desk had been ‘depowered’. Kerry gave a one minute executive overview, “and your recommendation” Jean prompted “I recommend that Grace head up and complete this project over the next few months and that she be paid in accordance with the outcomes” Kerry suggested. Jean looked at her seeing the change in Kerry’s mannerisms, she had stepped up to being a major decision maker rather than a project implementer. “Agreed, let her know what you expect of her and send me an e-mail confirming her rate of pay and conditions” Jean stated, this was how she liked her staff to work, make a recommendation then run with it. Kerry was a bit taken by the speed of the approval “don’t you want to check it over or ask questions?” she asked “why should I, you would have done all that with Grace and made changes if it wasn’t the right thing for us, I trust you” Jean said finishing the meeting. Poking her head into Grace’s office Kerry interrupted Grace putting on another coat of lipstick and gloss “come on princess, time for work” Kerry joked as Grace blushed at being sprung. “You know I never have thanked you and Toni for all of the help you gave mum and I last year, we would have been worlds apart by now if you hadn’t come around and helped us” Grace said.

For the next two hours Kerry and Grace discussed the project and outlined a schedule of mileposts or deadlines that could be reported on, Grace was happy to do the job for experience only but Kerry informed her that would not be the case as she was precious as well. Kerry had some technical files for her to review and suggested some more training on XML interfacing before she got started on the project but mainly they just talked about the over view and how it would work in practical ways for the guys in the vans. Grace could handle most of the details via e-mail and phone calls as the developer was overseas and a trip would not be required or fit into her uni timetable. Kerry had already setup an external e-mail server link for Grace and remote access to the test environment on the spare server, all she had to do was connect and it was just like being in the office. Susan gave Kerry a contract change form so that she could be paid at the determined rate, “I was thinking of $45 per hour for this project, okay?” Grace was shocked “that’s more than twice what I am on now, why so much?” Kerry explained about consultants rates and covering her own internet and mobile costs, major calls would be through the office “anyway, Princess Grace needs to pay for all of her lipstick so enjoy it” Kerry said closing the argument.

Friday was a non day, a day when time dragged as Kerry had little to do and the holidays in Thailand would be upon her quickly, only one week to go before surgery. She looked at her false breasts as they sat there in her bra looking almost normal, this was one thing she hated as it remind her that she wasn’t what she wanted to be or thought of herself. Plastic is not the same as flesh and blood but next time she came into this office they would be almost real, and her nether regions would be totally different as well. Over the nine weeks Kerry had been to the salon several times and changed the amount of permanent makeup to include more eyeliner and outline around her lips. Her hair had grown several inches and a lighter shade of auburn highlights and better styling had helped her appearance as well. The acrylics had to be redone every three weeks as she still needed to remember that she had nails and not just fingers. The regular waxing and herbal treatment had reduced significant amounts of hair from her body and face but it still needed more, electrolysis would be expensive and painful but the only way do get the clean face she wanted. Dr Gwynn had called to confirm the appointments and make sure that the visas had arrived in the right names, her letter for customs and immigration both in Thailand and Australia had been copied and secured to the passport wallet. The checklist had been ticked several times as Kerry cleaned her desk for the break, Tracey and Jean made her promise to call every day and tell them what she was doing.

The first week off work was to complete things around the house like new cushions and a new coffee table, but mainly just to relax and get ready for the trip that had taken her lifetime to begin. Pam had planned to work until the night before they left for Thailand so Kerry had to fill each day and that meant cooking and reading but she also decided to clear out some of her wardrobe. Wednesday, Kerry was sitting in a short skirt and tank-top drinking herbal tea in the patio area reading her e-mails from Jean, all good news and nothing to worry about. Jean repeated her best wishes for the surgery and Tracey’s comment about information each day.

The front door rang and although Kerry wasn’t expecting anyone she still answered the bell, one of the middle aged painters had returned to complete the last edge on the feature wall. “Sorry about not calling but I was in the area and thought I would take a chance on you being home” the painter said “no trouble will it take long or smell very much” Kerry asked. “There’s no smell with the new paints and it dries in about two hours so plenty of time before your hubby gets home” he said carrying in a paint pot and brush. “Thanks I’ll let my partner know when she gets home” Kerry said testing the water, the painter stopped and shook his head “what a waste” he muttered. Kerry laughed “just joking, and by the way don’t expect another view like last time” and the painter blushed “you would be surprised what we get to see at some home, yours was quite tame from what I’ve been told” he said reaching for his masking tape. Kerry wanted to know what he had heard about so made him a coffee as he prepared the edge for painting. “Well, one place had a couple of girls living in it that had a collection of vibrators arranged like books on a shelf, the guys said they got more teasing that week than the whole year. There is always the naked person running from the bathroom or forgetting to close the door when dressing but most of the time it’s not intentional. The worst or best depending on your point of view, was a woman that came out to her lounge wearing a very see through negligee picked up a book and returned to her bedroom.” He took his time getting it right and when he left the edge was as straight as the tape and perfectly finished, “thanks for the stories” Kerry said seeing him out.

Friday morning Kerry went to the salon and had her nails done completely from fresh and her hair was again lightened and streaked with auburn highlights. Jill wanted to know all about her trip to Thailand and what she was going to get done, a far cry from the first visit where she just wanted to get Kerry out of the place and away from her clients. Again it was finished with a promise to come and show Jill when Kerry got back to work. Pam finished on Friday evening and they went to bed early as the flight was 6am from Perth, a five hour flight and first appointment at the clinic was only two hours after landing. This was the last time Pam would be having sex with any resemblance of Paul as the surgery would make penetration impossible, the impact was subdued as Kerry made the most of ensuring Pam was satisfied to the most she could. The moment was not lost on Pam and Kerry had to admit that even if she tried all night that normal intercourse was a distant memory, her mind had made the jump to the future and was waiting for the body to catch up.

Waking at four in the morning they showered and prepared for a long flight, Kerry had a second check of the letter from the doctor, without it she would be both embarrassed and likely rejected from entry. Her makeup was simple as the permanent bits only needed adding to, mascara and eye shadow gave her nice colour, fresh lipstick and a touch of blusher. Kerry stood in the bedroom after finishing her makeup and looked in the mirror again, her body was lighter than three years ago by nearly ten kilos and the definition was much better showing hips and a very flat front. “Come on dear, there will be time to look at your body later, we need to get going” Pam said pushing Kerry out of the way. Kerry had been told to be prepared for anything so she put on a nice bra and panties under 3 quarter leg slacks and t-shirt.

The international airport had customs and immigration for all outgoing flights to ensure each passenger had been in Australia legally and could return without trouble. Pam and Kerry presented their id to the ticket counter along with the letter to confirm her identity if needed, the security was good and minimal hesitation after reading the letter. Screening and bag checks took no time at all so they had a good thirty minutes wait before loading, what Kerry had not seen was Jean, Tracey, and Grace standing in the departure lounge waiting for her. “Just had to come and say farewell” Jean said hugging Kerry “wish we were coming with you” Jean said and almost sounded like she meant it, Grace also hugged Kerry. The five of them sat around until the loading call and watched Pam and Kerry disappear through the gate to their aircraft. “How about you Grace ever thought of taking the trip?” Tracey asked “not likely, Grace and Jen have fun but Graeme has far more fun on both sides of the fence so to speak” Grace told Tracey. Jean had been coming to the same conclusion as her relationship with Tracey had grown so intimately, but the RLT was just that, a test, to see how far she would go, the final destination was always open for discussion and transitioning could stop at any place on the journey.
Bangkok was a city of contrast, the very poor and the rich, locals and tourists all together in the humidity and heat that made everyone hot and sweaty. The straights and gays filled bars that made trade the only rule, the local transgendered girls sang and danced for tourists earning more than their cousins in normal day jobs could ever earn. Sex was a commodity that got traded as easy as buying a beer or trinket to take home and disease was also readily available for those that didn’t take care. The clinic was in a new area that had seen growth due to the ‘medical holiday’ trade, cheap procedures in first class hospital / hotels using local nurses and doctors trained overseas. The cost was a third of the price back home and as long as you validated the doctor it was just as good, the holiday come recovery period was bonus. Doctor Gwynn had established the clinic as a joint venture with local doctors and shared his time with research activities and training to keep the costs down. Booking into the hospital was like entering a holiday inn anywhere in the world, concierge for bags and travel arrangements, bell hops to carry bags to rooms and room service rather than a tea trolley and bland food.

Dr Gwynn had his own reception and practice rooms with handpicked medical support and interns to provide the level of service he saw as essential. Kerry and Pam sat in the reception filling out several forms and insurance documents to cover the risk of infection, aids, death, and many other conditions that Kerry had not even though of. An intern assisted the doctor with tests and checking blood pressure and weight, “the only remaining question is what size have you settled on?” Gwynn asked looking at Kerry’s flat chest where the breast forms had been unglued. Kerry looked at Pam “I have been using a size D for most of this year but do you have another idea or suggestion?” The doctor turned to his desk and held up two different types and shapes of inserts, “this one suits older women that have had removal since it appears to sag rather than stand firm, whereas this one is for younger women that have had no children and hence normally stand out more but the choice is strictly yours.” Kerry looked at both, she had been used to the “firm and pert” style but wanted to make sure she blended in with older women, “what do you think dear?” she asked turning to Pam.

Two hours later Kerry was being wheeled into surgery ready for a major adjustment down below and a pair of firm and pert up top. It was nearly seven pm before she came round in recovery, everywhere hurt and then some places that she hadn’t expected to be touched, her bladder was empty but felt like it had been kicked. Her chest was bandaged tightly and the ribs dug in when she breathed deeply, shallow breaths and little chest movement became the only way to get air into her lungs. The pain killers kicked in and sleep came back to her as the nurses took temperature and blood pressure readings, Pam went back to her own room and ordered dinner, it had been a long day and Kerry was going to be in and out until the morning. Less than two days later Kerry was able to leave the hospital section and enjoy the hotel part of the complex, walking was slow and her new breasts still hurt when she moved too fast but otherwise the smile said it all. Dr Gwynn had done a good job and at first glance the new genital area looked much like the final model she wanted, just no connections behind the scene, so to speak. By day seven the bandages had come off and the bruising was in full swing, black and yellow bands down to her navel and almost to the chin but the pain had finished and as long as Kerry wore a good bra and moved carefully she was very happy with the size and shape.

A couple of day trips and several shopping events kept them happy and loaded the bags ready for return, Gwynn signed the releases and scheduled a full follow up test back in Perth. It was then back to the immigration check in and the expectation of being questioned by the security guys, this time there were no questions or funny looks as they had seen it all so many times it was normal. Arriving back home in Perth the same could not be said and the doctors letter was needed, questioned and followed by disbelieving glances around the counters before Kerry could retrieve her bags. The swelling had gone down and most of the bruises had faded by the time Kerry was ready for work again, things moved as they should, bounced when she bounced and didn’t need glue. She was one happy girl as she got ready for work on the first Monday. For the return to work she wore her business outfit, black pencil skirt and jacket with a new Thai silk blouse in the same corporate red they had chosen only a few weeks ago, heels and bag and she was ready to start the new position. “Welcome back, or should I say happy first day” Jean said as Kerry walked through the door, after all it was the first day in her new job.

Thanks for following the Continuing Release,
Just finishing an Alternative Release so stay tuned.

Kerry

 

---

 
 
There were just no boxers in my drawer, somehow "the maid" also known as mum, had failed to keep me suitably stocked. The house was empty so I walked through to the laundry on the vague hope that she had just failed to place them neatly folded in my bedroom ready to wear. The basket containing unfolded clean items was filled with orphan socks and a scattering of other items, digging into the basket revealed entire mountains of socks that once had partners and now spent all their time hoping to one day be reunited with their Sole Mate. My hands touched something silky as I dug around, grabbing it I pulled out of the piles of socks only to find a pair of my sisters white silk panties. You can imagine how fast I dropped them as if they had a fatal disease smeared all over them that would turn me into a giggling young girl lacking in all intelligence. Such is the concern that flashed through my brain moments before the sensual feelings made their run at invading my brain cells. Needless to say it was only minutes before I stood there wearing those very smooth knickers, rationalising that only hospitals had super bugs that could melt flesh and change normal people into babbling idiots.

Let me say at the start of this tale that I am, or should I say was, an articulate almost 20 year old third year engineering student at a very prestigious university. My grades can prove how good I was and my birth certificate can show that I was all male along with several bear skin rug photos stored away in the family albums until I turn 21. Anyway back to the story of that fateful day just before midyear break. Alongside the basket was a pile of clothes sorted into whites colours, and darks, a pattern that my mum had tried to instill in me as the starting point for the washing. On the top was a sheet of paper that read "Please feel free to practice doing the washing, PS it won't kill you - Mum (not the maid)." I was late for classes so wearing the silk pants was the only way around the issue of nothing to wear, maybe commando would have been safer? They did feel nice all through the day and by the time I got home and ready for bed I placed them carefully at the bottom of my wash basket.

Monday came around and it was the start of four weeks of break, some simple assignments to finish and then a few days away with the family who by this time had left for work. Mum worked at a local company as their PR manager, Dad was away in China but due back in three weeks. My sister was almost 18 months younger than me but every bit as tall as I was, or should that be that I was as short as she was? Either way we had the same build and I thought at time we looked very similar in hair and facial features. She was called Kelly and I was called Kerry, tell me about it.

As I entered the kitchen to forage for food in dark places such as the refrigerator and pantry I came across the A4 sized note on the bench. It read: I know that sometimes you see this house as a full service hotel and me as your personal maid but it would really help if you could manage to do the washing today - signed your loving mother. The old guilt trip method, which meant she was in need, I turned to the laundry to find all of the clothes in four piles. The coloured pile had far more clothes than the other two and had been split into delicates and not so delicates with a matching bra and knickers just like the pair I had worn last week. Sometimes I can be slow but not today, it was less than thirty seconds before I had replaced my shorts and T shirt with the bra and knickers, they felt so nice and the padding meant I had some shape as well. I grabbed my bits and headed back into my bedroom to look in the mirror, now that made time stand still as I studied the image on the mirror. It was not the normal me but it was definitely "Me", something within me just said "this is the real Kerry."

My image was slight and curvy with light brown hair that flowed over my shoulders and soft skin that looked gentle, no other word for it, I looked gentle. I slipped my sport shorts on and a simple white vest over the top, the narrow straps and square front looked very much like a tank top that Kelly wore but I slept in mine. The image did not change, the shape, hair and smile seemed to say again "this is the real Kerry" but I could only stare at the smile and feel the glow inside. Nobody was going to be home today so I stayed as I was and went to put the washing on, darks first with two heaped spoons of powder. I ate breakfast and then started to clean my room, beats me why, it must have been some of those girl germs that infected my brain at times. By the time I had finished in my bedroom the second round of washing was ready for hanging out to dry.

As I started loading the next load into the machine the front doorbell rang, now call me blonde but I forgot all about the clothes I had on. I think the postman just enjoyed the look, took my signature on his pad, wished me a good day and went onto the next delivery. Nothing strange except as I placed mums parcel on the hall dresser I looked into the face in the mirror; fluffy hair with red rosy cheeks and a nice shape. This was me, let me say that again "THIS IS ME". All those years of not feeling right or feeling like something was just not the same as other people, came flooding into my head. This was truly me, there was no tension or doubt in my mind as I studied the girl with brown eyes and rosy cheeks that slowly had tears forming before cascading down her face. Epiphany is the best word to describe what was happening to me, the lights had been turned on and I could see clearly now what had been hidden or blurred in the past.
With light comes action and I wanted to get some of my own clothes, must have been the girl germs driving me to retail therapy, or it could be just me knowing that turning back was not going to happen. I mentally apologized to my absent sister as I raided her closet and found what I thought would be a suitable set of clothes and shoes for shopping. A pair of kitten heels with white and yellow skirt and cotton blouse over the bra and knickers that I was already wearing but something didn't look quite right. I had hairy legs, not very much but enough to spoil the image so reached into Kelly's drawers and pulled out some skin tone pantyhose, good enough to camouflage the legs and make them better to look at.

Two pairs of pantyhose rolled up and stuffed into each bra cup made a world of difference, to the shape of the blouse and my feelings. My sister had makeup scattered all over her vanity table but it was just a light coat of lipstick that met my lips. Before leaving I stopped at the front door and considered the wallet keys and phone I had in my hands, handbag I thought and dashed back to Kelly's room for another acquisition.

It may seem like this was something that I had planned many times but trust me I had never so much as dreamt about wearing her clothes or played at dress up. Without any fear or hesitation I left the house and started my car, well sort of my car, it was a pale blue Hyundai that Dad had bought for mum and she passed it down the line to me when she got the new Honda Jazz. Nothing seemed out of whack, the world was bright and colourful as the birds flew across the autumn sky and the radio played easy listening music, just another day in paradise. Shopping centre's can be great places to be seen or to hide, neither of these came to mind as I parked the car and headed into the mall in search of my own clothes. Having the name of Kerry meant I could use my ATM card without any fear, even if I had thought about it before hands. So many things to do and so little time, my logical mind started making lists of clothes and accessories that I would need but my visual mind took over a soon as I hit the ladies department.

Shopping is different for each gender as men see and buy but women need to confirm and match then consider the alternatives and weigh it all up again while looking for better prices. A simple task took several hours as I purchased several pairs of everything girly and stored them in the boot of my car before returning for my fun. It did become more fun and less agricultural as I went on. Colour and feel made me look better or worse, sales assistants came and talked about how good it looked but I got the sense that some of them only sought a sale rather than my best. Still, the number of bags increased and space in my car decreased as the day wore on punctuated with coffee and lunch breaks before I felt the only missing item was makeup.

As I entered the front of the department store I could see five islands of colour with names that I knew meant high price, several had women demonstrating or selling. I chose an island where it looked like I could browse without being pushed into buying the world especially since I had no idea what I would need. It may have been obvious to everyone that I was lost at sea with no hope of sorting it all out but they let me browse for several minutes until a young girl turned up at the counter beside me.

"You seem a little distracted can I help explain anything?" she asked in such a gentle manner that made me feel like I could trust her.

"Yes please, I need to be more involved in making a good impression at work" I had thought through a scenario that made sense to me in case of being asked.

"Do you normally wear foundation or just basic lipstick?"

"Actually what you see is all that I use, haven't been much of a makeup person" I said quite truthfully.

"My name is Tina why don't you sit down here so we can test your colour profile and skin type" she said smiling in a most disarming way.
Tina used sashes of colour placing them over my shoulder and chest until she declare she had my "season", whatever that meant.

Over the next hour she painted, brushed, outlined, dusted, and finally spritzed, but most of all she went into great detail about what it all meant for me depending on the time of place and style or image I was wanting to portray. Tina painted my nails and brushed my hair to one side as she inserted a comb behind my ear. If this morning had been an epiphany and turning on the lights then this was like a thunder storm of lighting effects. My eyes sucked me into the mirror while the smile grew wider each second.

"What do you think?" Tina asked as I sat motionless in front of her mirror.

"Wow, can I take you home with me?" was all that came out of my mouth, if the image at home was me then this was me on steroids.

"I assume that you like the things that I showed you, would you like to buy some of them?" Tina asked making the sales push that she would have been taught.

"Some, I think I need the lot and you had better include brushes and anything else I need" my mouth said these things while my eyes still held me like retractor beams from an alien space ship.

Tina smiled as she collected several items at the cash register, "let me show you a better way" she said lifting down a metal toolbox type of device. She opened it up like a mechanics tool set to display brushes of many size and thickness alongside tools for eye lashes, nails, and lips. It contained pots of powder and disks of eye shadow and ten different eye liner pencils, spare drawers for pins and clips.
The downside was the cost, with cleansers and moisturizer it came to over three hundred dollars but Tina assured me that this was an investment in looking good in every situation and threw in several freebies such as makeup bag and some samples. All up this would last me a good two years she said and I could come back at anytime and ask for her help.

Let's just say that the girl that walked out of there was totally different to the one that had stood there earlier, she had confidence plus with a large dose of beauty for all to see. It may have been my imagination but I was sure that my walk had become more like sailing along a gentle river, smooth and effortless as I looked in store fronts on my way back to the car. Tina had made mention about my ears and the lack of earrings being unusual for people my age so on a whim I stopped at one of the chemists and asked about piercing and how long it would take. Twenty minutes later I had two studs and two hoops with cleaning solution as I continued back to my car, this time I made it.
Mid afternoon and the world was still bright and happy, but how do I tell mum and sis that they have another girl in the house?

I unpacked the car and placed each of the bags in my bedroom, some in the wardrobe and others alongside my desk. Glancing up at the mirror wasted another five minutes as I studied my new face before snapping out of it all. I had a plan that seemed as logical as anything else I had done this day, SMS to Kelly about a movie date and my shout for dinner. We did this every so often when we needed to talk so she was quick to reply agreeing to meet at the normal cinema.

Now the dilemma that every girl has "what should I wear?" I said, looking at all the shopping bags. First thing was to find the lingerie bag or bags and then match it to a comfortable skirt and top, white silk underwear and blouse with a dark blue knee length skirt. Top it all off with "Smoky" hose, medium heels and a liberal amount of jewelry that I had also bought today. One of the necklaces that I had picked up was several loops of dark and light blue beads interspersed with white lumps of plastic to break up the colours. All up a very credible image for a semi professional girl, I knew Kelly would be coming straight from her office job and as the junior she had to keep up the appearance of being one of the crowd. Mum would be home at 5pm so I had just about an hour to finish the final load of washing and secure my bedroom, then hang the washing on the line, I was out of the house by 4:45 carrying my new purse with lipstick and tissues.

My plan was to purchase the tickets before Kelly got to the cinema and meet her in the foyer then walk her into the dark before she could ask too many questions. I parked and entered the cinema to make sure the movie was available before sitting and enjoying a cup of coffee and chance to think. In my head was the famous phrase from Steve Irkle, "Did I do that?" did I really go out of the house dressed in a skirt, buy way too much and now sit here looking like a hot date.

"What was I thinking, Kelly will laugh all the way through the movie" I said inside my head as nerves built up threatening to kill the plan I had put together. Too late, she had entered the foyer and was looking around, our eyes met and she kept going around the room not recognizing me. Kelly speed dialed my phone before I could get to her, she heard it go off just as I stood up and approached her. The penny dropped and so did her jaw,

"Hi sis, I've already got the tickets lets go inside" I said taking her arm gently.

"Kerry?" she muttered.

"Who else would be meeting you here, sister dear?" I said continuing towards the entry.

"But how, why…." She asked trailing off as she had far too many questions to ask and nothing like answers filling the void.

"Let's get inside then I can answer some of those questions"

We chose a couple of seats at the far edge of the room away from the main crowd that would come in, although only twenty or so people would be at a five thirty screening. As soon as we sat down I could see her mind racing ahead trying to get the questions into a logical sequence so I cut her off and gave her the short cut version.

"So, there we have it all along I should have been your sister. Now how do I tell mum about it?"

"Stop, are you saying that you intend to change sex, is this a joke or are you serious?" Kelly asked shaking her head from side to side.

"Let me say it again, this is who I am, who I was meant to be" the words leaving my mouth but not getting into her brain. Maybe I had misjudged her, I though Kelly would see the real me and go along with my decision, maybe I was wrong.

"OK, let's assume that mum sees your side of the story there is always Dad to get around and you have no hope there"

"One step at a time, what about you, do you see the real me?" I said looking deeply into her eyes as if trying to read her mind and finding only confusion. Gradually she nodded then reached out to hug me, not the normal type this was like a homecoming hug, she squeezed and held me closely.

"Yes I do see the real you, I just knew you weren't like the other guys at school" Kelly said hugging me again as tears slowly appeared in both of our eyes.

The film was average but being there with sis made it all seem so much better, we held hands and giggled at the most inopportune time before walking out of the cinema. Kelly stopped me in the foyer and said she had to use the toilet, suddenly my bladder was full and the realization that I would have to use the same room - The Ladies.

"Just copy me and don't stare at anyone, you'll be fine" Kelly prompted as she opened the outer door to the inner sanctum of femininity, which by this time was getting quite busy due to the main screening. I found a cubicle, stepped in and closed the door. I breathed again, lowered my hose and hitched up my skirt as if in a dream, breathed again. Sat down and started to relax, shit, forgot the panties, stood up and pulled them down before sitting at last ready to do my business. Breathed again.

"Kerry, are you okay?" Kelly whispered through the door.

"Yes, just don't leave me here" I replied as I finished off rearranging my skirt. My Skirt, what a thought, last week I had nothing but guy wear and now I could easily throw the whole lot out the window. I am not going back to being the false me.

Kelly was at the mirror reapplying her lipstick and checking her makeup, I did the same looking at both of us as we stood there comparing ourselves.

"How could we ever have missed this, we are so alike" Kelly chuckled as she hugged me again.

"Great, let's eat and figure out how we can get mum on side" and we walked out of the cinema ready to eat.

Next time - Will there be laughter in the house or tears, will mum see the Real Me

The cinema complex had several cafes nearby some of which we avoided like the plague while others served great food and good prices that two girls could easily afford on their wages. By the way I had no job except getting through university which was an agreement Dad made for each of us, Kelly had opted for a gap year before starting studies. We sat down in our favourite corner stall while Sam the waiter brought water and menus, normally he would just say hi and go back behind the counter to pour the drinks etc. This time he stood and stared at me.

"Can I help you Sam?" Kelly asked trying to get his attention.

"Sorry I was just admiring your friends beauty" he stumbled out before looking at Kelly.

"Thank you Sam, why haven't you ever said that about me?" Kelly playfully asked making him blush, "I know it's just her natural magnetism but surely customer service should be unbiased"

"Sorry Kelly but I did go to school with you for twelve years" Sam shuffled his notepad and tried to concentrate again. The redness still rising in his cheeks.

"Just a Tony special pizza and salad tonight and two diet cokes, and free compliments next time, Mate"

Sam left us to talk after bringing our drinks, but I could still feel his eyes burning into my back during the evening. Did others see me as a hot chick or was it just bad lighting?

"Kelly, how do I look and be honest, good or bad?" I asked hoping that she would be gentle on me and not take the chance to get some points back at my expense. She took ages before she spoke and then came the biggest shock of the entire day.

"If you are going to keep going out dressed like that then I am going to be broke keeping up with you, girl you are way too sexy for this town. Your makeup is fantastic and your smile seems to cut through people like a laser, you are hot, how did we ever miss this?"

"No seriously, tell me the truth am I ok?" I asked not believing her comments.

"Seriously you are H O T, hot. Sam, what do you think of my friend here?" Kelly asked as he put down the garlic bread and parmesan cheese.

"What do you mean, like would I go out with her or is she a one thousand ship beauty like Helen of Troy?" Being Greek he understood beauty in all of the historical ways.

"Both, but she is not available so skip that idea."

"Such a loss, but let me know if your boyfriend drops dead or turns gay" he said turning back to the counter and the safety of the kitchen.

The pizza and salad came along with new drinks compliments of Sam or should I say Sam's dad who owned the place. We talked carefully about how to break the news to mum and when would be good, if she would freak out or laugh before telling me to go back and change into my real clothes. The risk of ridicule was not high as our family had strong ideals of allowing free expression without putdown. All the same the pressure of upsetting mum would have to be managed rather than just let loose. She would be in bed by the time we got home so I could get away with another day before confronting the news.

"Bye Sammy" I purred fluttering my eye lashes and blowing little kisses.

"You are shameless, stop playing with the poor lad" Kelly said slapping my arm. What does she mean playing with him, I guess I have a lot to learn about being a girl.

The house was dark apart from the front door light and mum's bedroom, I parked the car and unlocked the front door praying that she would stay in bed and just say goodnight. I moved quickly through to my room as Kelly went in and chatted for a while claiming that I had a bad case of full bladder, it worked and a few minutes later we were both sat in my room talking again. Kelly wanted to see the clothes and everything I had bought but I begged off and said we could do it in the morning after mum goes to work and before Kelly goes in for her afternoon shift. As she got up to leave she handed me a silk nightgown doubting that I had bought one for myself, another thing she got wrong. I cleaned my face after taking a couple of photos on my phone for future reference and crawled into bed wearing the bra and knickers for a solid sleep.

I slept well into the morning giving mum plenty of time to leave the house, it was quiet as I pushed the kitchen door open wearing the nightgown with bra and knickers. Sitting at the table was mum, the looks between us made eternity seem like a very short timeframe. Mum looked at me my chest, my hair and my chest again.

"Okay, you can start and I will be silent hoping for a really good story" she said lifting her coffee cup for another drink, probably to stabilize her nerves and stop her reacting.
Short version with some improvements and some exclusions, like Sam and the compliments. I finished just as Kelly pushed into the room.

"So did you tell her you wanted to stay as a girl for the rest of your life?"

Mum choked and my mouth went very dry, that was one of the exclusions that I had made to minimize the shock. Well there goes another badly made plan. It took quite a few minutes for me to clear the air and get out the whole story including Sam, the little bits that Kelly added and some questions that had been hanging unspoken. As I looked at mum she was shell shocked or punch drunk, or just plain numb as nothing seemed to be working anymore. By this time Kelly and I had some food in front of us and drank our coffee while eating toast, she had on the matching nightgown to mine. Mum looked back and forth comparing us both, we ate the same way and now dressed the same way.

"How could I have missed it?" she said shaking her head, a common reaction for first timers.

There was no anger or tension, no screaming or shouting, something was badly wrong, I needed to be told the truth of why it was so easy. Mum got up and left the room without saying anymore than "I have to make call to work, don't move" and with that she was out of ear shot for about five minutes. Walking back in she sat down calmly and asked if I would like to get changed before we continued our talk, being a kitchen family it made sense to just stay as we were.

"Firstly I need to say that your father and I love you very much and nothing will change that. Secondly this is not a show stopper as they say, let me explain about my pregnancy before you were born when I got morning sickness every single day for five hours each day. The doctors could not find anything wrong so prescribed a drug called DES that had just hit the market, it was experimental but based on a natural remedy, it worked very well and after a few months the sickness stopped but the drug was removed from the shelves and replaced with a similar drug. The reality was that it caused some birth defects and every mother that took the drug was screened for the first five years after delivery."

"Are you saying that I have been drugged?" I asked wondering what else had been hidden from me.

"Not drugged, but some things may have been altered during development that’s why we went to the doctor every year while you were young. Nothing showed up and we put it aside hoping that it was just good luck for you. The fault was to do with the level of estrogen during the first trimester and it could limit male growth but you have always tested clear just a few small areas like hair and skin. I just called in a family emergency day at work and got an appointment at Doctor Susan's clinic for us at 12:30 today. Kelly you can come or go to work, whatever you want to do."

Kelly raced off to make the call to work while we sat and looked at our coffee not ready to talk yet. Even when Kelly came back and told us she would come with us it did not move us forward.

"What about showing us all of the clothes you just bought" Kelly asked getting back up to leave.

The next hour was me acting like a Barbie Doll for Kelly as mum sat still stunned and shaking her head, the skirts and dresses with blouses and shorts, several pairs of shoes and underwear all finishing in a little black dress with dark seamed stockings and 4" heels and I do mean stockings. Mum nearly had a fit as Kelly lifted the hem to reveal the stocking tops then came various comments about shotguns and father protecting his daughters. The sudden use of the word daughters made us all stop, that’s what it was now or would be shortly, I wanted to be the daughter of Mr & Mrs Brown and the sister of Kelly Brown. This was the real me, daughter and sister, shame about never being a mother.
We finished getting ready in plenty of time and as mum checked me out again, she smiled and said "I always knew that you were too soft to be a boy at heart."

Kelly and I had very similar dresses on, front opening with buttons from top to bottom but while Kelly could leave several undone I had to be more careful about flashing cleavage. One day I intend to have my own breasts I thought then wondered how long it would take and how big they would be, oh well I have only been a girl for two days. Two days and so much has happened in such a short time from dorky skinny male to hot curvaceous babe and attitude as well. I knew that the doctor would want answers when she saw me but to be honest I had very little idea apart from the gut feeling that this was really me and how I wanted to stay. Engineering is based around logic and rules but here I was doing the exact opposite, no logic and no boundaries, just the gut feeling and determination. It was as if a switch had been thrown in my head, all of the old pathways that had male characteristics were suddenly closed down and a totally new set that had previously never been seen or heard from were open for business. There was no transition period or modification process, it was just "all change" and it did all change from thinking and talking to clothes and Sam.

"Time to go, let's get in the car" mum said as she picked up her handbag and car keys, her girls followed after carrying bags and swinging their hips. Dad is going to be so off about this.

The clinic that Dr Susan ran was only ten minutes away we had no delays and got there just as she finished her earlier session, always one for schedules mum said. The receptionist had our files on the desk ready which was a surprise since I had no idea that I was a patient here.

"Hi Diane, this must be Kerry and Kelly come inside" a smiling forty something doctor said as she opened the office door. I later found out that she was much closer to sixty but had a husband in plastics that helped her appearance, that’s plastic surgery not manufacturing.

"So I guess something has changed in the family, who is Kerry?"

I stepped forward and held out my hand and gently shook hers, "you guess right about the changes, they have been all mine" I said taking the seats offered to us.

Dr Susan made small talk then asked me to give a brief snapshot of what had happened, I finished with the comments about instant changes and parallel universes inside my head. The next ten minutes consisted of her and mum filling me in on the details about the poisoning during pregnancy before Susan outlined what she had been told from the Medical Review Team or MRT assigned to the issue. The pharmaceutical company was forced to provide ongoing support and medical cover until each child reached 25 years of age. The short version is that nearly twelve cases had so far been reported where male children had suddenly switched gender, their bodies showed male genitalia but they had for all intents and purpose become female. Some had been at a young age all the way up to twenty which I would be in a few months.
"I think it would be good for me to have a quick examination of your body, I assume you would prefer that to be with your mum and sister?" Susan asked it but in reality she was already showing mum and Kelly to the waiting room.

"Just slip into the next room and put on the fashion statement without a rear" she said pointing to the pink gown that would be similar to wearing a one sided night shirt, breezy to say the least.

As she prepared the examination table and turned on the ultra sound gear I came back out feeling exposed, or is that vulnerable, so much for patient confidence. Stepping up to the table was like dancing with two left feet, turn and grab to not flash the doctor, then sit and not squeal from the cold vinyl. Susan explained about the process and then started pressing my bladder and abdomen as she made suitable facial expressions. Then the hardest part of the exam when she asked me to roll onto my side and hang my butt off the bed.

"This is the worst thing that men have to put up with so just relax and it will be over in ten seconds"

I heard the snap of rubber glove and the cold touch and then pressure on my backside as she told me to relax, how do I relax when I am about to be totally embarrassed in front of her. It was all over before I could realize and after hearing mum mention other things gyno's have to do I decided that silence was the best option. Then came the cold jelly and ultra sound head as pictures formed on the monitor, tubes and lumps in grey and white joined by dark links or small tubes that I assumed were major blood vessels and plumbing works. Susan slowed down and started to point out certain items to me.

"This is a typical 3D shot for any normal young girl of your age and I gather it is not what you would have expected me to find in there."

"I am not surprised by anything this week, but can you tell me what the parts are?" I really didn't put two and two together in the same way as she did until I heard the words, ovaries and womb mentioned as she pointed to the monitor. The lower part showed a swollen womb with two floating circles and tubes off the top sides and a solid looking tube extending towards my penis region.

"Let me go lower down to show you what I can see" she said pushing the cold jelly and machine towards my testicles, "here I can see the end of your vagina, although it appears to come to a dead end."

I think that at this point I could almost make the rest of the diagnosis before Susan could get it out, I had female plumbing mixed with male plumbing and some interesting crossovers. What that meant was a bit unsure but I may have been guessing ahead of the doctor so opted to stay quiet again. I was told to get dressed and come back into the main office when ready which took about five minutes as I thought about what I had been hearing. I made sure my dress was neat and tidy before walking in and finding all three women sitting around as if nothing was unusual, just another day in the life of a switcher. Sorry, my name for those of us that had been human guinea pigs for a drug company.

"Could you please repeat what you told me next door so mum can be involved in this?" I asked unsure if she already knew but wanting more than just my input on the matter, if I was going to be given a choice. It took only a few minutes for mum and Kelly to catch up and understand that the new girl in the house had everything except an opening and was probably going to be having some surgery to make it one way or another. The choice was male or female, both parts looked normal although slightly cross coupled and fertility in the other twelve switchers was positive for both sets of equipment. They finished and looked at me as if it was now my time to talk and decide the future.

"What would surgery involve if I wanted to stay a male and what if I wanted to stay a female?" I said purposely mixing the sexes as I now understood that I had both.

Susan drew pictures and explained the downtime of each operation but then stopped and asked one simple question, "if at the press of a button I could make you either sex, what would your heart and mind choose?

Four months later I finished the surgery, my sex now matched my gender, the body and mind got back into sync and I have to say that the new wardrobe looks far better than the old male one. The drug dealers provided full cover and even a clothing allowance to make sure that I would be happy after suffering their stuff up. It was referred to as Parallel Intrinsic Input Gender Switching or Gender Function Condition, you may have seen the acronyms mentioned on the television or print media. GFC and PIIGS have been covered up as widely as possible but it tends to happen without any notice to males of any age. The trigger is brought about if they touch female clothes to their genitals and once triggered they can never return to being just male, the male wiring is shorted out and the female one starts to dominate every single action.

My only recommendation is to keep away from the closet or forever become a switcher.