After being locked up for an indefinite sentence, parole from Gender Prison can be sweet, especially when two good friends start a trick and they have no idea about the girl within. Can Kerry survive outside and what will it really look like?

The possibility of staying in the old place was too hard, from senior management to floor sweeper - acting lower duties. It took five months from the dismissal but gradually leaving was the lesser pain option and we faded out the doors never to go back inside the place where we had been for seven years leaving behind friends and co-workers, well most of them.

The evening drinks
It had been several months since we had all been together and the chance to catch up was long overdue. The two girls arrived and we each exchanged hugs and kisses, at least they meant what they said, they also brought a couple of bottles of white and Janet had put a couple of her favourites in the fridge. Of course the dip and chips had been put out on the coffee table along with the now obligatory water to slow down the effects of alcohol. As they sat down on the lounge suite in the family room they each kicked off their shoes and settled in for the night. Feeling at home was so easy for them as they put their feet up on the furniture, grabbed a drink and some dip then wanted to know everything that we had done since the last time.

Many things had happened since Christmas when the year finished and Janet had ended her time as CEO. After 6 months all four of them had changed jobs and each wanted to avoid the gossip of last year’s activities preferring to move on rather than go back. It was always a great laugh when the girls started talking about what they were up to and remembered their misspent youth. The first empty bottle of Chenin Blanc was already under the table and they passed the chips around with laughter about the last dinner the staff had enjoyed.

As the second bottle was opened, Jane started talking about her new job and the variety of customers she had to look after each day, a diverse mix of society. Her job required her to assess tenants for a local real estate agent and decide if they posed any risk of loss. A list of risk areas had been compiled and used by the industry based on stats over many years. One of her clients this week had stretched her list due to his lifestyle and caused her to put the request on hold pending more investigation. Being the end of the week she still had not made any decision and had nowhere to go for help so she brought it up for discussion, what did they think would be the risk of letting a unit to a Transvestite. “How do you know he was a she?” asked Liz followed by “and what would it matter anyway” Jane started to talk about how good she looked and that it was a real shock when she was told during the rental interview. Neither girl knew a thing about Kerry nor the secret kept hidden from nearly everyone.

As the second bottle was put under the table a certain level of discomfort was being felt by Paul and Janet, they had not talked about this sort of thing with anyone, apart from counsellors, since last year. Jane would not let it go and mentioned the news last week about a beauty contest in San Francisco for transsexuals and such like, the winner was better looking than most of the girls she knew. Over the next few minutes all the girls could focus on was talk about who could get away with passing as a girl and laughing as they went through each of their friends and how ugly they would look. Suddenly they remembered the photo from work, the one of Paul as the damsel at the party and they both looked at Paul and roared with laughter.

Of course he had gotten away with it at the party and even with Janet by his side it still took quite a while for his friends to realise it was him. The look was classical fairy tale, the makeup more stage pantomime than day wear but the walk and mannerisms showed a woman inside and that was what confused many at the party. The gentle hand movements and slipping her shoe off as she sat in a group, the way she held her self and played with flicking her hair when she knew others were watching. All along she was playing the part and enjoying the thrill of the evening out.

The girls had started their next glass of white without even thinking about the water bottle on the table. Jane asked Paul about the evening and how he got away with it without feeling absolutely stupid or tripping up in the heels and long dress. Paul made a casual glance at Janet to see how she was handling the topic, if he was in trouble again, or if he had permission to talk. Seeing nothing like a stop sign he started to talk about the sheer fun of the entire project from choosing shoes to visiting op shops with Janet and especially the time it took to get the makeup applied. The outfit had been Janet’s choice found on the day of the party and nothing like what Paul had wanted to wear. He had chosen a more normal outfit, a tight red sweater and mid thigh black skirt and dark tights with 2” heels more in keeping with image of Kerry than a damsel.

A sudden glint in the eyes of Liz and Jane appeared and if either of the hosts had seen it they would have said good night and sent them home, but they missed it. Jane wanted to know if Paul had done anything like this before. Of course there had been a few “appearances” at church shows such as the belly dancer, the Italian mother with her two little gentlemen’s and the party of nuns but nothing as elaborate as the Damsel. “How about other times, surely you’ve done more than just church stuff” asked Liz as if there was more to find out. Paul felt trapped in a corner and began to shift in his seat trying to get away from the interrogation by the girls before getting into trouble with Janet. Sensing a startled deer in the headlights Jane laughed aloud and said “Okay spill the beans let us have the details”

There was no way Paul was going to talk about Kerry, even with his two favourite girls, Janet would kill him and show no mercy doing it either. Janet decided it was time for a toilet break and asked Paul to put the kettle on for coffee, which he did immediately allowing him to get out of the pressure zone. The girls simply poured another drink and sat back waiting for their hosts to return from the kitchen.

Jane had a work function coming up that was aimed at women investing in real estate which she was preparing for next weekend and Liz was asking about how many people she had attending when Paul sat down with some more crackers and dip. By the time Janet returned the conversation had moved on from the previous subject and she breathed easier, as did Paul. Liz had been engaged to cater for the seminar and had been asking about numbers when Jane mentioned that she needed another couple of people before she could make any commission from the event. “How about you coming Janet it will help me get the base commission” asked Jane and then turning to Paul said “and why don’t you come as well.” Paul had missed the seminar title when they started talking about it and thought it was simply an investment night so said yes without thinking. Liz giggled and asked what he would be wearing to the evening.

Jane thought carefully before speaking and then she sprang the trap “you will need to dress up for the evening otherwise you’ll standout like sore thumbs” she said looking at Paul. He didn’t understand the problem and said that it would not be an issue as he had a good wardrobe. Liz could not keep herself together and broke into hysterical chuckling as she fell on the sofa with images that combined the images of Damsel and the info about Paul’s preferred outfit. Sensing that something was wrong Janet asked what was so funny and what had they agreed to do at the seminar. The news was more shocking than she could imagine but before she could react Jane started her next stage. “I knew you wouldn’t do it, all talk and no action in your old age” she said as she looked at Paul, knowing how he could not let her win anything that looked like one upmanship.

This comment had changed the whole atmosphere and when Janet stood to make coffee for everyone Paul followed her into the kitchen. She looked at him hoping to find agreement that it was not going to happen but instead she saw the puppy dog eyes that stared back at her begging to be free. In the corner of his eyes she could also see the tears forming as he asked to be free, the year of obedience and humiliation from the sacking, the time of stress in their family and the awkwardness when TV shows had a theme of betrayal, all of it came to the front very easily and she saw some of the pain her husband had borne.

Deep in her cell, Kerry had heard the conversation and wandered where it was going to end never hoping what would happen. She could hear the keys of the cell door rattling as the steps got closer to her, closer and closer until they stopped just outside her cell. Her breathing stopped in expectation of the next step.

Janet simply kissed her husband and said “I don’t want to be hurt anymore but you have already been hurt so much more, you make the decision but be very gentle with me”. And the key went into the lock, it turned and the door swung open as Kerry looked out wondering how long it would last.

They returned to the family room carrying a tray of cups with milk and sugar and Janet carrying the plunger of coffee. The girls looked and as if to ask what the answer was going to be only to see the smile on Paul’s face and Janet nodded her agreement. Meanwhile Kerry was running around the room making lists in her mind ready for her first shopping trip, but she hadn’t orchestrated that yet. Jane laughed and looked at Liz with the look of surprise at what they had done, far more than she had even wanted to do.

Paul took control of the situation and started making a list of requirements, the first was for him to do the event without making it uncomfortable for Janet and more importantly it had to be done well so he did not appear as a guy in a dress. There would have to be a budget to cover the items they would need to do it right, secondly shopping time to get everything, and someone to help him shop. At this point Liz and Janet both said they had work on Saturday or kids to look after; only Jane had any time free due to her husband being away with her son at a school camp until Sunday night. They decided that it would be OK for Jane to take Paul shopping as long as they stuck to the budget and didn’t get carried away with shopping, Janet knew that Paul loved to shop with her and would always suggest far more than she needed as he chose outfits for her to try on.

The girls had decided that going home after four large glasses of wine was not a good idea so Liz called her home to say she was staying overnight only to find out that everyone was already in bed and they expected her to stay over at Janes place. Janet wanted to know what sort of gear Paul would need to blend in with the other girls as she only had limited formal wear and she was sure it would not fit Paul although he knew exactly what fitted him already. The style was expected to be more upmarket business than formal as these were investors and expected to dress the part. Jane suggested that they look at Janet's wardrobe to see if there was anything Paul could wear without making too much of a contrast, after all Janet was attending as well. Kerry ran out of the room into her favourite place, the closet, and waited for the rest to catch up. A quick flick through found a smart but slightly formal dark blue dress with see through panels if the light was just right, one of Janet's dresses that she no longer liked but Kerry loved. Making a casual glance at the dress told everyone that it would fit Paul as long as he wore a scarf around the neck to cover his Adam’s apple.

Returning to the family room Paul grabbed a piece of paper to make a shopping list, hardly needed as Kerry had made lists nearly every day in her cell just hoping for a time like this when she could get out shopping again. Gently, gently was the instruction from Janet and so Kerry took it slowly just naming a few basic items like shoes, makeup, stockings, bra etc. In her mind was a list of suitable shops where they could go and shop without trouble, but could it all be done on the next day with limited money, $200 was hardly enough for a girl to shop with let alone one that would take so much extra work.

So it was sealed, the girls would sleep over and in the morning Janet would go to work, Liz back to her family for the sports runs and Jane and Paul would go shopping for some basic items. The next day would be Kerry’s first day on parole and she had better behave or the cell door may be welded shut forever. Still she was out and too excited to sleep, everyone went to their various bedrooms as Janet and Paul got ready for bed in silence before turning off the light. Paul rolled over put his arm around Janet’s shoulders and gave her a hug as he kissed and thanked her for what she had given him, a gift of time as Kerry.

The house was awake at 7am as Janet had work and Kerry was still too excited to wait around so Paul was up preparing breakfast. For him, the normal yoghurt and black tea, no milk or carbs on his crash diet, the one he restarted today. The girls sat down to cereal and toast with orange juice and coffee, their heads still pounded and noise was everywhere this morning. Especially in Paul’s head as Kerry talked about the shopping trip and all of the nice things she wanted to buy, her list had grown over night unfortunately the budget had not.

It was decided that they would meet back at Jane’s house for tea tonight after the two of them had been shopping and it would be show and tell. Liz opted for a quick visit at around 7pm after the evening meal had been finished and the young kids put to bed. Janet would be there around 5.45pm after finishing work and she would pick up some more nibbles from the supermarket. All up a very easy plan to follow as long as everyone stuck to the agreement, except Kerry had not been present at the vote and anyway she had no intention of sticking to the rules. The table was cleared and they each headed out the door to work. Janet in her car and the girls, and Paul, in Jane’s car heading back to her place for a quick change of clothes and to drop Liz off in time for the sports taxi runs as she called it.

As the car pulled into Jane’s house she had a sudden thought about shoe sizes for Paul, they were almost the same height and close to the same body size. Paul and Liz sat down in the family room chatting as Jane went into her bedroom to get changed into shopping gear, returning very quickly with two pairs of shoes from her wardrobe. “Try these on for size” she said putting them on the table before leaving to continue changing. Liz told Paul to get his sneakers and socks off before putting on a nice pair of 2” heels in black. As soon as the shoes went on “Paul had left the building” leaving only Kerry instead to enjoy her time. She went to stand up carefully making sure her knees were together with her weight over her feet, straight up with no problem, a quick turn on the heel and a feeling of femininity that only comes from a good pair of heels. Kerry walked around the room remembering all the times she had practiced walking without falling or looking stupid. The times in Sydney and on country trips where the “shoes maketh the woman” and she so wanted to be a free woman.

By the time Jane walked back into the room Kerry was sitting down ready to try on the second pair, much higher than the first, white open toe sandals, with ankle straps. This time Liz and Jane expected Paul to have problems, not knowing that Kerry was in total control and loving every moment of it. Again she stood correctly, stepped forward turned and swung her arms out in joy as she repeated the parade towards the mirror in the hallway. Sometimes people can miss subtle hints about a person because they are not looking for them, and so it was with the girls, they missed Kerry totally.

Liz wanted to know how they felt on and if the size was close enough to use as a guide. Kerry knew that she would be wearing stockings for the seminar and mentioned it to the girls as if to ask if it would make any difference, still playing the dumb male. Jane quickly came back from her bedroom with a new packet of pantyhose and threw them at Paul with suggestion that he go to the bathroom and put them on so they got the right size in the shop. When he returned Liz had gone and Jane was holding the white pair and asked her to try them on again to make sure the size was right. This time the feeling was much better and as she stood with the jeans pulled up to knee height Jane realised her first challenge, hairy legs. Making a mental note to herself she grabbed her keys and headed for the door to go shopping, “come on then, lets shop” she said heading for the door. Paul quickly grabbed his sneakers and socks while heading to the car in the heels, seemed quite normal to Kerry as she sat in the car and swung her legs in. Jane just laughed and said “are you sure you haven’t done more of this?” Paul just told her to drive and not ask too many questions.

Where to from here? It was just 9am and some of the shops didn’t open until 10am on Saturdays so they headed into the local shopping area to see what was open. Kerry navigated very carefully to a small lingerie shop called The Lingerie Warehouse that she had used before, great prices and no hassle parking. Jane pulled up at the kerb just down the road from the shop “don’t you think you should swap shoes?” she asked Paul, “Oh, I almost forgot” he said sheepishly putting the sneakers back on. They walked up to the front door as the shop assistant, Lisa, was coming out front carrying a cup of tea, which she quickly put down as they came into the shop. Giving them the customary 15 seconds to get into the shop she approached and asked how she could help them today. They hadn’t thought about the story line and it showed as they made up whatever came to their minds first and spat it out settling on “we are here to find a gift for a special friend of ours”. Well it was sought of true and that gave them opportunity to talk about her in the third person in front of the sale person. Lisa must have seen the funny looks between the two and the stunned mullet look on their faces knowing they had been sprung.

They asked for time to browse before wanting help and headed off to the matching bra and knickers sets at one end of the shop. Kerry picked up a nice dark blue set and a very sexy white, silky shiny set in the same size they continued to walk around looking for something special. Kerry found the matching Garter belt in white and picked it up with a determination that said “it’s mine again” and headed off to the front of the shop in search of more specials. Lisa had been watching the customers from a distance and noticed that it was Kerry that was doing all of the selecting rather than Jane. She waited before approaching Kerry to be of assistance in finding the something special that she wanted. “Has your friend tried on a corset before?” she asked Kerry as she headed to the front of the display area and retrieved a gorgeous dark blue satin corset with six garter clips and a heavy duty cord for reducing the waist. Kerry’s eyes lit up as she saw the item most desired in her circle of friends but normally so expensive as to make it a one off purchase.

At this point Lisa knew exactly who she was serving and what was required to make the sale, the look on Kerry’s face was the clearest indicator of this. “We have a special area out back if you would like to try it on” she said still partly guessing but before Kerry could answer the curtain was being opened. It turns out the firm had imported them from China as a test batch but was having no luck in convincing local girls to try them, with summer temperatures sitting around 35 to 40 degrees C it was no small wonder that normal girls would avoid them. Instead they had chosen to quit the stock at cost hence a price of $45 rather than the normal retail price of $245, Paul made a mental note about profit mark-up in the industry. Suddenly it dawned on Jane what was happening and she raced over to check on Paul. Lisa turned to Jane and started to explain that her store was hoping to be T-friendly and they had setup a special area for privacy. While not understanding what that totally meant Jane did see the need for privacy in a fitting area although she could see Paul was loving every minute of it.

Lisa asked Kerry to remove her jumper and undo the jeans she had on as the fitting had to be just right, a quick measure, a few seconds wait and Lisa returned with the right size garment. She asked Kerry to let go of her jeans and turn around as she placed it on her front, at this point blind Freddy would have seen the pantyhose that Kerry had on under the jeans. Lisa then politely just reached around to the back of the corset to start lacing it up, loose at first then tighter as she pulled against each of the hooks working her way towards the middle doing the same from the bottom. It took several minutes of re-tensioning to get the desired shape but as they stood back and looked in the mirror the typical hourglass shape was clearly visible to all three of them. Breathing was harder than Kerry had expected but nothing had prepared her for the look it achieved and the feel of the garment. Instantly she said “I’ll take it” and asked Lisa to cut the price tags off as she would wear it for the rest of the mornings shopping trip to help with sizing, of course.

Knowing that the shop was T-friendly allowed Kerry to ask if there was anything else that she should be looking at today before they left. The shop was new and was only just getting known in the T-community but they had some gaffs and padded briefs coming in on Monday if Kerry wanted to return later in the week. Kerry picked up a selection of pantyhose and stockings, some dark black, some skin tone but also a pair of very fine denier thigh high stay ups. Selecting a control brief in skin tone and a size smaller than normal she headed back into the cubicle, put the briefs on under the pantyhose and made sure everything was tucked away properly. Discarding the plain old garter belt in place of the corset, they headed for the cashiers till and promised to return on Thursday night. Walking out of the shop carrying a bag of clothes that had only been dreamt about for the last year made Kerry very happy and lightened her step as they headed towards the car.

As the bag was placed into the boot of the car they saw a roadside sign declaring two for the price of one, a sign that attracts any girl with shopping on her mind and money in her purse, another mental note to get a good purse. When they got closer it was clearly a shoe shop and while Jane had thought of lending Paul some of hers she could not resist looking inside for her own bargain. Again the shop was empty and had only opened at 9:30 due to winter trading and the bad weather during the week.

As both customers looked in different areas Kerry found a pair of patent Black 2.5” heels that screamed out her name as she picked them up. Being much braver than she thought possible she turned to the young sales girl and asked for a size 10. As the shoes were brought out she handed them to Jane expecting her to try them on, who handed them over to Paul. The young girl was stunned and just waited to see what would happen, by then Kerry had her sneakers off and showing her stockinged feet proceeded to put the shoes on and walk around to the mirror. At this point the girl realised that a sale could be lost if she made any negative comment and instead chose to mention the two for one special and ask if there was anything else either person required. Jane decide that she would have a pair of the shoes as well in the same size before Kerry could say that she would choose another pair. “Why don’t you both buy another pair” said the sales girl half laughing. Neither customer thought it was a silly idea and headed off to find something special at no extra cost, Kerry heading for the strappy 3” numbers on display in deep burgundy with narrow heels. This was far more out there than she had ever hoped for but since Jane was responsible for starting it Kerry was not going to stop. A few minutes later both girls walked out with 2 pairs each and had left a very surprised young sales person with a story to tell down at the pub after work.

After loading the bags into the car boot they drove off to the heart of the shopping area and found a public parking station close to most of the shops. Walking down the street Jane spotted a piercing shop and asked Paul about having his ears done, something that Janet had been mentioning for many months to make him look younger. Janet had only one earring in mind not two and Paul was certain that his employer would not be too happy with two earrings let alone one so nothing had happened. Dragging Paul inside Jane asked about how they could disguise earrings from an employer with medieval practices. The answer was surprisingly simple, a plastic insert that was skin coloured and would only be visible if the boss got really close, something that had never happened in Paul’s time at work.

The decision was hard to make so Jane did it for him and asked the operator for the cost of studs and inserts, before pushing Paul into the chair. Being big and brave meant that Paul had to just sit and take it while inside he had a fear of pain and loathed being manhandled into submission, even by a woman. The pain was as bad as he had heard and the shock left him slightly shaking, Kerry on the other hand, started to think about the range of earrings she could now wear and when she could try them on. The operator showed Paul how to remove one set and insert the blanks for work saying that if he did it quickly enough the hole would not close over, contrary to popular myth. So the deal had been done and with small CZ diamond studs in each ear they headed out of the shop.

Across the road were the local markets, a great place to buy trinkets and jewellery as well as fruit and veg on a weekend. As they entered the marketplace the smell of fresh coffee beans wafted across their noses and drew them into a food area. Jane thought that it would be good to just look around before coming back for coffee and cake. As they walked around they found a stall displaying hand made items of jewellery, rings bangles, necklaces, all at very reasonable prices so they stopped and started to go through the bargains while people moved all around them doing the weekly shopping and sightseers on day trips looking for bargains to take back home. Jane picked up a couple of rings and showed Paul, who was more intent on a really nice chain and pendant in the shape of two hearts and a K in the middle. After some haggling over price the pair walked away with 2 rings, a cheap ladies watch, and of course the “Special K” necklace. Kerry wanted a leg chain as well but was not game to show her legs in such a public place.

Coffee time was declared and the two headed off to take some time out from shopping. Paul did the expected thing and brought the coffees and a single piece of cake over to a small table on the outside of the café away from the busy traffic and noise of the market. Both took time to inspect the crowd as they walked by before Jane started asking Paul about what she had seen this morning and how he had been acting. The concept of being transgendered was still unknown to Jane but she could tell that Paul had more to tell so she asked how it had got started. Common questions and ones that had been pondered over for many a counselling session over the year since the outing. Paul talked about how he felt and the pain of dismissal and feelings of betrayal to his wife. But Jane wanted to know about the female side and what it was like, what she thought about the last year and the chance of going out again.

Over the next hour Kerry visited Jane and talked about the hurt, the loneliness, the joy of being free, and the fun of shopping for her own clothes but most of all she just talked about enjoying her self away from the cell. Slowly Jane saw a difference in Paul that she had never seen before, the quieter less aggressive side, the gentle caring side that had been hidden in the harsh reality of his old workplace. She thought about the Lingerie shop and the delight at buying the corset, the shoe shop and joy of shopping, his poise at wearing heels and the change in his mannerisms as the morning had progressed. "I guess that I won't be able to call you Paul if you go much further" Jane said not expecting the answer from Kerry "suppose you could call me Kerry, but only when I am in female mode please." When Kerry had finished talking it was nearly mid day and she knew that one shop in particular would be closing at 1pm.

They left the marketplace and headed back to the car by way of the local David Jones Store, a high quality store with a sense of feminism that other stores rarely achieved or even looked for. The DJ girls spoke quality and feminine in the same sentence as sexiness and confidence. A totally feminine place where luxury ruled and even window shopping required you to be dressed the part. As they walked through the ladies wear section Kerry picked up a burgundy coloured sweater with small rolled collar and tapered sides. At the same time Jane had picked up a very sexy black lined skirt that had a slit up the back and by her guess would be about three inches above her knee. The pair would look great together but at around $160 it would not fit into the budget. Such are the trials of a girl on a budget and they left the store, paid their parking ticket and headed for the car.

As they drove down the highway to the next shop Kerry started to ask how Jane was handling the day and the things they had talked about back in the café. She was obviously very moved by some of the things she found out about but didn’t see it as being a problem in their relationship. The shop was further away than Kerry realised and they only made it into the parking area at 12:45 that would allow them only 15 minutes to get the makeup before the shop closed. One of the sales girls inside the store was serving clients so Kerry quickly found the area of the shop she needed and moved away from other people. As they looked at the variety of makeup on offer the sales girl approached asking how she could help them today and politely informing them of the 1pm closing time. Kerry started by telling her that the task was to allow Paul to do a fancy dress party without being too camp and that beard concealer and foundation would be a good starting point. At this point the girl said that she would get the other salesperson who would be far more helpful than she could be in this area. After a few minutes Kate came over, introduced herself and asked what level of makeup they needed to have. Kate looked at Paul and after a few moments spoke directly to her saying “what is your femme name?” And without pausing Kerry introduced herself with a friendly gentle handshake and a nod of her head. Over the next few minutes the events of the previous night were replayed and the goal of blending into a corporate investor meeting was explained.

Turning to Jane, Kate asked her what she saw when she looked at Kerry, the answer being very surprising to Kerry and Kate, “Gentleness, concern for others, beauty and also hope” were her answers. “And what do you think about the transgender community in general?” asked Kate before turning to Kerry and winking, the type that said, now we get the truth. Jane had to think about that one especially after the client in the office last week. “I’m beginning to see a totally different point of view lately” she said, “one that makes me see people rather than misfits”. Kate looked directly at Jane and told her that “as a member of that community that makes me feel happy” and just smiled, much to Jane’s surprise.

The other sales person had finished closing the front of the shop, turned the front lights off and came back to say good bye, she had a date that could not wait and she knew it would be a long session for Kate. As Kate turned to Kerry she told her to remove her jumper and put on the makeup gown and get ready for a crash course in makeup skills. As Kate saw the dark blue corset she complemented Kerry on such a gorgeous garment and couldn’t help but ask where it came from. Jane suddenly decided that the session could be longer than she expected and picked up the car keys promising to return within the hour. As she left by the rear door, Kate had collected several sample pots from the display racks and some from out back as well. She moved the mirrors so Kerry could clearly see what was being done and turned on a small set of white lights to give a consistent white light.

Starting with beard cover and moving to blending techniques she showed how to make the maleness disappear into a neutral face. Applying foundation in a shade lighter around the eyes and skin tone around the chin and cheek bones brought colour back into the face. The eyes came next and she talked to Kerry about how different times of the day required different style of eye design and that could be added on as the day progressed by using liner and darker shadow colours. While Kerry had read about this she had never had anyone really explain it to her and her own practices normally went overboard so she watched intently as Kate went to work. The changes started to transform her face and Paul was quickly vanishing and Kerry was coming out more and more. The mascara and shadow had been completed as Kate took the powder and dusted the face that was being formed in front of her. Taking an outline pencil she framed the lips, filled with colour and then applied a glossy coat that looked like it was dripping with moisture.

As Kate stood back she pointed out some things that Kerry could to do to reduce the eye browse and increase the softness of her face, a brush of colour to the cheeks and it was like lights had come on. Kerry was caught staring at her image in the mirror as Kate came back from the kitchen with a spray bottle and her hair dryer, “just happened to have them at work, we’re going out tonight” she said. Spraying the water and then brushing into a different style she quickly changed the hairstyle and look of Kerry, Paul’s hair was already longer than normal as Janet had been complaining for the last four weeks about having a hair cut. A shot of hot air, clip on hair piece and a few minutes later Kerry was totally different, with longer hair and a clip in her hair the old face had vanished without a sign.

The hour had passed very quickly as Jane rang the back door bell, Kate stood and went to let her in as Kerry turned around on the seat so her back was facing the door. When she could hear the foot steps behind her she turned around to face Jane who was holding a collection of shopping bags. The look on her face was priceless, the mouth open and not a sound coming out, the first time Kerry had seen this from Jane. “What do think about the new girl?” asked Kate standing back watching the interaction. Kerry stood and flicked her hair as she looked into the mirror again; admiring the work Kate had done in just over an hour.

Jane recovered enough to remember what she had in the bags and told Kerry to sit back down and handed her the first bag, a DJ bag. “I just couldn’t let you do all this without looking your best” she said, as Kerry opened the bag she squealed with joy. Inside was the sweater and skirt they had been looking at, “my gift to you — girlfriend” as she leaned forward and gave Kerry a hug being careful not to damage the new face. Jane asked Kate if there was any problem with Kerry changing in the store room before leading her in with the other bags.

A few minutes later Kerry had put on dark pantyhose, the sweater and skirt and the jewellery they had brought in the marketplace, unwrapping the burgundy shoes she sat down and slid her feet into each of them. Turning to the mirror she hung the chain around her neck and linked the chain of the “special K” necklace, it sat neatly on her sweater and moved as she moved. It was then that she reached into the bag and pulled out the last gift, a pair of chandelier earrings, large and shiny, just the thing she wanted. Knowing that pain was not her friend made her cautious but the expectation of beauty made her want to put them on and so she overcame the fear and swapped the studs for her other gift.

Emerging from the store room she paused for a few moments before swirling around and raising her arms to the cheers and whistles of Jane and Kate. Kerry had not felt like this for a long time and this was going to be her time and she wanted to enjoy every moment of it. The transformation had been quick and it was hard to spot any resemblance to the original model, Paul had not been seen for a long time. Again Jane gave Kerry a hug as she shook her head in unbelief and took time to look at the girl that she helped set free. By now it was close to 2.30pm and she knew that there was more to do before tonight so she started to gather up the old clothes and stuff them into a shopping bag before Kerry could grab them. Kerry looked in horror as she saw the safe clothing vanish so quickly, “You may as well start the part today” she told Kerry while heading for the back door.

Kate had brought not only the makeup she used but some samples as well and put them in a bag for Kerry next to the till. She picked up a set of “Invisible Bra” size C and suggested that Kerry slip them into her corset top to make a slightly larger impression. Again the changes added subtly to the overall look of the new girl and gave more confidence to a girl that was growing every moment in grace and comfort. The total was very reasonable and Kate refused to take anything for the makeup session saying it was her contribution to help set a girl free.

As they drove away from the shop Jane still found it hard to believe the changes both physically and emotionally that Kerry was undergoing. Driving along the highway the chatter was girl talk as Kerry took the chance to thank Jane again for all the things she had done to help her especially the outfit. Jane couldn’t help but smile as she turned into a café car parking area and turned the car off. “Come on lets have some lunch, I’m starved” she said getting out of the car and heading for the door. Kerry froze knowing that this was a threat to her state of euphoria, had they been just telling lies, did she really look good or was it all a dream?

Only one way to find out, she opened the door and swung her legs out, knees together so she didn’t flash anyone, and eased herself out of the car. A quick look into the cafe told her that only a hand full of people were inside and a couple more sitting outside due to the weather. She stepped carefully towards Jane who had slowed down to allow her to catch-up before entering the café; they linked arms and stepped towards the café. As they entered they saw a couple of guys watching them and a group of middle aged women who casually glanced over and then went back to their cakes and coffee.

Kerry found a table near the window and Jane ordered coffees and sandwiches for them both then sat down beside a very nervous Kerry on her first day out for over a year. Using the old window reflection method she checked out what was happening around her, absolutely nothing, no laughing, no people rolling around on the floor pointing at her. As the coffees arrived the café door opened and Lisa from the lingerie shop walked in and looked over to see Jane and nodded recognising her from the morning. After ordering she came over to say hello but stopped as she saw Kerry sitting there and introduced herself, not recognising her. Kerry held out her hand, and said “I know we met this morning in your shop, you sold me the corset, remember me now?”

Lisa pulled up a chair and without taking her eyes off Kerry she sat down. While she waited for her coffee she had so many questions but could only say how good Kerry looked and repeated how she had no idea it was the same person. It took nearly ten minutes to replay the days shopping and all of the things they bought along with the different responses at each shop. Lisa picked up her take away coffee, said her goodbyes and left still shaking her head at the change in Kerry. The girls just smiled at each other with Jane saying “told you that you could do it, so what about Saturday, still game for the seminar?”

Kerry glanced at her watch, downed the last mouthful of coffee and stood up to go, “come on there is still another 90 minutes of shopping we can do” as she headed for the door. Jane was caught by surprise and gulped one more mouthful of coffee and raced after her. “I really want to buy another skirt from one of the boutiques in the main street, after all it’s seven days until the seminar” Jane didn’t understand what she meant but never the less jumped in the car and pulled out into the traffic heading towards the main street parking station. They parked close to the shop, got a parking ticket and went straight into the little shop. Kerry had already seen what she wanted in the window earlier that day and it was only a matter of getting the size right, “why can’t they make clothes the correct size rather than each manufacturer changing them, men’s gear is always correct” he thought.

A few minutes later and they had gone into the changing rooms and Kerry swapped the black skirt for the longer knee length grey that she wanted. It hung well, showed just enough leg, was lined so it felt great on her legs and most of all it was on special. Leaving her black skirt in the room she headed back into the shop for a suitable top or something, not quite sure what would look right for the image she wanted. As they looked around the other women just ignored them and went about their own shopping. Jane picked up a beautifully soft sapphire blue jumper, large rolled collar long arms and oh yes so soft. Kerry went back into the changing room and carefully took off her burgundy sweater and put on the sapphire one, it felt so good and gave Kerry the image she wanted, smart, business like but also casual enough to wear out anywhere.

While Kerry was trying on the jumper Jane had chosen a few more bits for her to look at, a pair of black slacks, a white silk blouse and a black jacket. The combination was definitely Office Wear but could have been mixed with the black skirt or burgundy sweater and slacks for more options, she liked the idea. Then the problem that all girls have, the budget would only allow for the jumper and possibly the slacks but not all five items and that meant the mix and match would not work. Dilemmas, dilemmas what could she do, oh well she thought I’ll just have to try the puppy dog eyes again and went over to the sales girl. They had winter specials running but the prices had already been reduced and the best she could do would be a further 15% if she bought all five items and paid in cash. Done, and a few minutes later they headed out of the door with two more bags and a cash docket crumpled up and thrown into the waste bin.

Kerry swung the bags as she strolled down the street taking time to look at each of the windows as if searching for something else to buy. Jane stopped her and asked “surely you can’t be after more things, Janet will kill you” Kerry simply replied “window shopping doesn’t cost unless you go into the shop”, and Jane understood that Kerry knew the pleasure of shopping without having to buy anything. They casually walked, talked and as they came to the end of the main shopping area they just crossed the road and worked their way back on the other side of the road.

Jane remembered that she had to provide the meal tonight and entered a small supermarket to buy some groceries while Kerry continued to window shop. By the time Jane got out Kerry had only moved two shops but another bag had appeared, a black handbag with small silver design on the flap and a shoulder strap hung from her shoulder. She smiled at Jane and made some typical comment like “I had no where to put my hanky and mobile phone” just sheepishly laughing, knowing that it always worked on Paul. With Jane back alongside her the urge to shop was controlled until they validated the ticket and went back into the parking station and then the drive home.

To be continued.... Kerry unveiled

A full day of shopping and being free from the prison cell comes to an end, how will others see Kerry, will parole end as quickly as it started and can Kerry be kept under control? These and more insights into how the one within gets released from Gender Prison.

As we are liberated
from our own fear,
our presence automatically
liberates others.

--Nelson Mandela
{1994 Inaugural Speech}

Kerry asked if she could drive for a while, getting into the car was easy, she had practice doing this in a skirt but driving in heels took some time. The car moved as if a learner was driving rather than a person with 30 years experience, but she got out onto the street and soon it felt quite normal to her. “Just need to stop back home and pick some things up” she said as she drove onto her estate and then into the drive way of her house. “Oh poo, the neighbours are out having drinks again”, a typical event after the guys had finished mowing their lawns, they stood around and talked about the week and admired their gardens. This was something that Paul had never done or been invited to. Kerry pulled up to the house, took a deep breath and swung her legs out of the car; knees together straightened her skirt and went around to the front door leaving Jane to follow in her own time. Unlocking the front door she knew that the “Neighbourhood Watch” was watching with interest and there was not a single thing she could do except wave and smile.

Getting into the safety of the house she breathed again and let out a laugh as Jane came inside and started to tell her what the guys had been talking about. It seems they were more taken by her looks than the fact she was not the normal owner of the house. So much for neighbour safety. Kerry told Jane to take a seat and she would only be a few minutes as she went into the bedroom and slowly took off her clothes and went for the en-suite. Five o’clock shadow was poking through the layer of beard concealer and she knew it needed repairing before the night time show and tell. A quick shave and a look into the mirror, half man half woman, now what? Kerry called for Jane to pour herself a drink while she finished off getting ready.

Kerry opened the bag of makeup that Kate had put together and arranged everything out on the shelf, where to start, concealer, foundation, blend, “okay, I can do this” she said to herself. After all it was only a repair job not a full blown makeover. A few minutes later and forcing herself to remember Kate’s comments that less was better than too much she had the basic face coming back to her. Eyes, what had Kate told her to do for evenings, more liner, and longer stroke on the bottom, careful not to make them join up. Eye shadow, just increase the colour a shade or two, not over the top just make sure it stood out in the darker lighting. A brush of blush on her cheeks and then onto the lips, outlined and filled with a dark red, then the wonderful wet looking glossy coat, just to make them look kissable, and she was nearly there. A brush of her hair, put the earrings back on, ouch, more pain and hurt. Kerry quickly got dressed back into the burgundy sweater and black skirt, this time making sure the bra inserts had been seated properly and filled with some more padding to give a true C cup image.

Walking back into the family room she stopped and checked herself in the hallway mirror, it was the first time she had taken time to really check herself out. The tears came into her eyes as the pain of the last year impacted on her, the feelings of loss and tension in the marriage; it all came back as she stared into the mirror. Jane just sat there and watched not wanting to disturb the moment, but she could not help but see the pain in Kerry’s eyes and it affected her own composure. As Kerry stood there Jane quietly stood up, came over and put her arms around her without saying anything she just let her cry silently. Kerry shook herself and turned away again feeling roar with the pain of last year.

They turned back into the family room and picked up the glasses of wine Jane had poured for them both. Her eyes were red and still a little bit wet as she drank a few sips of the wine before composing herself enough to talk, or so she thought. The voice was weak and shaky; it trailed off as she spoke so she took her time. Kerry started to tell Jane about the pain of the last year in details that she had never even imagined, the confusion, the brutality and most of all the isolation she had felt as everyone else told her what to do and it appeared that no one actually asked how she was going. It was assumed that Paul would just be “healed” and that would be the end of it, nice and neat and clean, never to come back. Of course Kerry had only been locked away not killed, solitary confinement rather than death. Jane again understood some of the things that had made Kerry the person she was and could not help but feel the pain as well.

The mobile phone rang, it was Janet asking about the night’s activities and saying that the sessions had all gone over time and that she would be at Jane’s house in around 60 minutes. The tears had left some marks so while Jane tidied up Kerry repaired her face again and placed the makeup into her makeup bag. Just a tad more lippy and they were ready to go. Just one problem the guys had not gone inside yet so it meant not only walking out to the car but also having to reverse in front of them and they would get a closer view. Still it had to be done and they had not laughed at the first sight of Kerry so why should they this time. What Kerry had not realised was the impact her extra makeup made on her looks and the guys had no trouble spotting the difference. It would keep them wondering for a long time as Kerry pulled out of the driveway waved to them both and accelerated down the road.

It was only a short drive to Jane’s house and this time it was in silence, neither wanting to talk much about what had just happened. When they got there they parked inside the garage and walked into the house through the security door without going outside, another mental note — get the price of the remote garage door. This time Kerry and Jane took with them all of the shopping from the boot of the car and the food for the evening meal. Jane told Kerry to put the clothes in the guest bedroom so she could dress up and come out with each outfit one at a time. As they sat there with Jane buffing and then painting her nails Kerry asked about how to introduce Janet to Kerry. Kerry was apprehensive about Janet seeing her for the first time but knew that this was the best she had ever looked and it would be the best chance of convincing her to relax with the whole thing. Still the nerves increased as the time got shorter, they discussed how to introduce Kerry and decide that she would simply sit in the kitchen on a stool with a glass of wine. They thought about saying she was another friend or a neighbour but decided to just let it happen in a relaxed way without any pretence. Still the nerves started to show on Kerry and she had another drink, probably not the best idea given the food they hadn’t eaten all day.

The door bell rang, it must be Janet, Jane walked to the door and came back with Liz instead. Liz came into the room and stopped dead in front of Kerry. “Wow, if I didn’t know you were going to be here I would have introduced myself” she said sitting next to her on a stool, “by the way dear, please call me Kerry” she told Liz. Jane smiled at Kerry and asked Liz “what do you think Janet will say?” as she continued to make the evening meal. Liz was still trying to take in all of the things she saw in front of her to answer immediately, she was stunned by the transformation from the person she had known for 4 years into the woman sitting on the other stool. “Janet will freak out at this, it is far more than I expected you to do today and this is supposed to be her husband sitting here” Liz said quite concerned at the possible effect on Janet. She then added “I suggest that you soften the blow before she sees Paul”, Jane thought that would be a good idea and decided to take the blame for going overboard, even if it was Kerry’s doing. The door bell rang again, this time it had to be Janet so Jane closed the kitchen door behind her as she went to let her in. Kerry and Liz sat there nervously waiting for the kitchen door to open, a few minutes later the door opened and Janet cautiously stuck her head into the kitchen followed by Jane.

It had taken Janet a long time to see Kerry, she had never asked about how she looked or dressed during the trouble last year or since, this was totally different to the image in her mind, totally. Liz and Jane moved out of the way to give them space and as they moved so did Kerry, she stood up slowly turned around, looked at Janet and asked “Would you like to meet Kerry?” This threw Janet slightly so Kerry asked if the outfit she was wearing was acceptable to Janet knowing her taste in clothes was different to Kerry’s. Again she had trouble answering; Janet just looked and starred at her with her mouth open unable to speak but with hundreds of thoughts racing through her head. “Yes I would like to meet Kerry, I should have done that ages ago” she said moving closer until she was face to face. Kerry bent down slightly, since Janet was nine inches shorter and Kerry was in heels as well which made it nearly a foot difference, and kissed Janet gently. “Thank you for allowing me to come out, it was really hard being locked away for so long” Kerry said quietly hoping to break the tension. Jane and Liz had come closer, Jane had a glass of wine for Janet and Kerry; she raised her glass and said “a toast to our new friend, Kerry”. Janet took a large gulp and sat down on the stool, still starring at Kerry.

Jane had decided that the best way to help was to drive the conversation and let Janet take it all in as it happened, something that would prove to be a good decision. Jane started the story from the beginning at her house and went through each of the events of the day and at every step referred to Kerry as “she” or “Kerry”, a sign that she had also accepted her for what she was. Janet just sat there watching how Kerry moved and looked, partly hearing the story and partly missing some. At one point she saw the earrings and reached out to touch them and find out if they were clip-ons rather than pierced. Janet also reached out and held Kerry’s hands as Jane continued the tale of Kerry’s first shopping day in fine detail, not forgetting to mention how each person had interacted with Kerry.

At the end of the story there wasn’t much missing that could be said, it was as if the girls went out on a normal shopping day and had some time to chat and drink coffee. Kerry again stood up and turned around in front of the three girls “am I suitably dressed to not embarrass you?” she said looking at Janet. The surprise was when Janet started to speak “the problem is that you look too good to be true, what am I going to wear now?” she said. Kerry was quick off the mark and replied “we could go shopping for you on Sunday, after all that will solve the budget issue if you get to spend as well.”

Jane grabbed Kerry and pushed her into the guest room, then turned to Liz and Janet saying that the show and tell still had more to offer. A few minutes later Kerry came out with the black slacks, white silk blouse and black jacket with the handbag over her shoulder and the pair of black shoes. Her hair was pushed to one side as she sat down on the stool and very delicately picked up her wine glass and sipped. Liz was the first to move this time and wanted to know where she had brought it from and how much. As Kerry and Liz talked about it Janet could not help but see the change in the way Kerry responded to Liz, just one of the girls telling another girl where to get a bargain. Janet noticed that the shoes had changed as well and started to wonder how much Kerry had spent but decided against asking yet. Back into the guest room for a few more minutes before emerging with the grey skirt, sapphire jumper and black shoes, this time the special K bracelet was on the outside of the jumper and sparkled as she moved. Once again she looked the part of the casual but smart girl that she always wanted to be, well dressed and ready to be taken out at any moment. So they did.

Jane put her cooking things down and turned to Janet and asked her “would you have any problems if we went out for tea tonight?” Kerry just looked at Janet and waited for the response; this was not planned and was just a little bit threatening for her. Janet nearly choked on her wine as she heard the plan, as good as she thought Kerry looked it was another thing to be seen outside with her, even if she had agreed to the seminar on Saturday. Liz said that she had to make a call to get the kids picked up for tea and then she could see about coming as well. Jane took Janet aside sat her down and asked why she had hesitations in going out with Kerry. Janet could not think of a good idea, but fear doesn’t require logic or good reason it works by itself and convinces you that it is right and all other arguments are false. Jane pointed to Kerry sitting on the stool and said “I have no issue in being seen with this girl, I have done it all day and seen how people related to her, only once was there any issue and that was before the makeover.” Janet continued to look at Kerry and tried to understand her own doubts and fears, she wanted to go out and loved spending time with the girls but this could hurt her. Liz returned to the room and said that everything had been arranged as long as she was home before 10pm, just 4 hours for dinner and whatever.

Kerry made a move towards them and suggested dinner and a movie deal in the main street, quick easy and relatively cheap, especially after her shopping trip today. She turned quickly went into the guest room and came out wearing the black skirt, burgundy sweater and black jacket over the top with her handbag over the shoulder. “Come on I’m all dressed up and no where to go, lets at least go and get some food before the wine takes it’s toll on all of us” she said picking up the keys from the bench. Jane and Liz stood ready to go and waited for Janet to get off the couch, it really was more than she had thought of last night. Seeing Kerry at the door and the others waiting probably pushed her along but she needed it to get over the shock. Kerry threw the keys to Jane and said it was her time to drive; they would sit in the back. It was then that Kerry realised that holding hands with Janet outside would not be appropriate and really cause some confusion in her mind so decided against it.

The drive only took ten minutes as they used the same parking station as they did this morning when they went shopping. Down at street level they walked past the shop where they had bought the grey skirt, slacks, jacket and sapphire jumper. Kerry took time to show everyone so they all looked through the window at the display which had changed since the shop closed, it now had some lovely casual dresses and colourful tops in a stretch cotton look. Just the thing for the spring season that was approaching, they each made mental notes to return and check it out. The cinema was next door to a lovely Italian pizza and pasta joint that had only a few dozen people inside, just the place to eat and enjoy the time without too much noise. Jane and Liz went off to the cinema to check on the movie list and times as Janet and Kerry requested a table for four and waited for the girls to return. Janet just looked at Kerry as she enjoyed the atmosphere and looked around at all of the clients in the restaurant not sure why Kerry looked so happy. She leaned closer and said “why does this make you feel so happy, I haven’t seen you like this for ages”. Kerry stopped looking around and focussed on Janet “because I haven’t been myself for over a year now” a hint of pain in her voice.

Jane and Liz returned with tickets to a movie called “Transamerica” and put them in her bag for safe keeping, Janet had no idea but Kerry knew exactly what the movie was about and smiled at Jane knowingly. They ordered a couple of pasta dishes, garlic bread, a large salad and water; after all they had drunk a lot of wine last night and some tonight already. Janet started to feel uncomfortable and began looking around at each of the tables filled with customers eating and talking, drinking and laughing, but none of them starring at Kerry or the other girls. She was invisible apart from the occasional glance as new customers entered and sat down to order and this really made Janet feel better, the chance of pain seemed minimal. Over the meal she started to relax and even called her Kerry when asking for the food to be handed over or more water, or even in the small talk about shopping. All too soon the meal was finished and they had to get ready for the movie next door, so paying the bill they left without any questions being asked.

As they walked into the foyer of the cinema Jane mentioned that a toilet trip was needed and to wait for her. Panic, fear, dread, hot sweats, all at once as Kerry decided she needed to go as well and there was only one room she could go to without causing a major disruption in the place, the LADIES. As girls do they simply walked in did what they had to and stood at the mirror to fix their makeup, quite normal for most girls except one of them was definitely not one of the normal girls, there again the movie was called “Transmerica”. Liz had dragged Janet over to the sweet counter for popcorn and coke in an attempt to divert the tension. When the other two returned from the loos it was time to go in and find a seat in the dark away from the people coming into the foyer for the other movies. The movie was average, a typical “tranny finds lost son, finds peace before the operation movie” but it would pose some opportunity for discussion later.

As the movie finished they decided a coffee would be essential before going home, so they headed down to one of the local coffee shops. By this time on a Saturday night it had started to get busy and table space was a premium, they managed to get a table in the back corner away from passing foot traffic but no way of escape if anything happened. Janet ordered the drinks and came back a few minutes later with a smile on her face. It seems that a couple of likely lads had been watching the girls as they walked in and had been talking loud enough for her to hear what they said. Liz wanted to know what they thought about Kerry; Janet just chuckled and said something about “not bad looking for an older woman”. Kerry looked over and saw that the lads were only about 19 years old so she didn’t feel too bad about the age comment but quietly chuffed about the rest of their comment. When the drinks arrived they sat there talking about the day, the movie, the changes they had seen and how they each needed to adjust their thinking. As the time approached 10:30pm Liz decided that she really needed to be home so they finished their drinks and walked back out onto the main street heading to the car parking station.

When they got back to Janes place she opened the door and let Kerry go in and fetch her shopping bags from the guest room. As Kerry came back to the front door with her arms full, Janet had already opened the car doors to go home, a clear sign of her tiredness and also that Kerry should hurry up. She stopped next to Jane, put the bags on the ground and gave Jane a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Thankyou for everything today, I had a ball and you made everything so easy for me, I really love the outfit you bought for me as well”. Jane gave her a kiss back and said “anytime girlfriend” and gave Kerry a hug, knowing that it would not be too long before they shopped again. Liz also gave her a hug and asked “can I come too next time?” With that Kerry carefully slid into the car and Janet drove off down the street, back to the safety of her own home and time to talk without others listening.

It was only a short trip and done in silence, pulling into the drive way and turning off the lights she thought of the security light about to turn on and who would be watching. A quick glance at Kerry collecting up her bags and Janet decide to just go with it knowing that Kerry was having such a great time. Inside the house it was quiet and getting cold, Kerry had put the kettle on to boil and made sure the dishwasher was loaded ready to be triggered before bed time. Janet always had a hot chocolate before bed and she liked the way Paul made it. Kerry went into the bedroom and started to get undressed, carefully folding her clothes and hanging the others on hangers in the wardrobe. When it came to the lingerie she stopped, looking for a place to put it all. “Better clean out one of the drawers and put your name on it” said Janet smiling and pointing to the main chest of drawers in the bedroom. “At least you don’t need mine anymore with that lot of gear” she added. Kerry went quiet and just placed each of the items in the drawer in neat piles according to what it was, always very neat and tidy, a place for everything.

When it came time to clean off the makeup she asked Janet for some of her cleanser and wipes wanting to make sure it was all gone from her face before bedtime. It took a while to remove all of it and some of it ended up on the towel which Paul knew would incur a comment from Janet, another mental note to keep the peace in the house hold. By this time Janet was sitting up in bed with the hot chocolate waiting for Paul to return and get into bed, after checking the doors, triggering the dishwasher and setting the alarm system like every other night, he slid into bed. He waited for his wife to speak, eager to find out what she thought but scared that it would be the end of Kerry’s freedom, something he would find very hard to handle again. Janet finished her drink and slid down so her head was on the pillow waiting for Paul to finish his drink. This was how they did their talking, the quiet time of the day without any distractions, phones or TV, that’s television not transvestite.

Paul decided to break the silence and asked Janet what she thought after today’s meeting with Kerry, was it as bad as she had expected or worse? He just lay there waiting for her comments, hoping for only good ones but knowing that it could go either way. After about thirty minutes Janet finished talking through her concerns and fears, she had asked for security and promises of discretion and most of all that Paul would keep her informed of everything this time, no secrets. This was far better than Paul had hoped for and asked Janet what had changed her mind about the whole thing since she was so opposed to it last year. She talked about the pain she saw in his eyes compared to the joy she saw when the girls had talked about shopping and going out somewhere nice, the way she looked and how she passed in public. Kerry was a nice girl and fun to be around. And so ended the first day of Kerry’s new life. Another mental note, get a nighty if Janet permits.

Day two
For once it was a good night’s sleep for both Paul and Janet and when they finally woke in the morning the day looked like being a typical winter’s day. It would start off cool and warm up during the morning until around 5pm when it would get slowly cooler, very easy to enjoy and no need for heavy clothing. Paul reached over to Janet and held her close as they laid there enjoying the time together and still warm in bed. After listening to the news on the radio Paul got up and made breakfast for them and brought it back to bed. As they sat in bed eating, Janet started asking about the day’s activities and what Paul wanted to do. “Last night you wanted to go shopping, so do you want to go with Paul or Kerry?” asked Paul. Janet had to think about this one for a while and went back to eating her breakfast.

The decision was for the morning to be spent doing house work then they could go out for a picnic lunch beside the river and into town for shopping afterwards. This was a big step for Janet and Paul appreciated how far she had come in just two days and Kerry absolutely loved how far she had come. The house needed only a quick vacuum and dusting along with putting away the washing that needed ironing and folding. Around 90 minutes of work and it was time to start the preparation for shopping as Paul declared he was going to have a shower.

Janet walked back into the bedroom and handed him a can of hair remover saying “Jane told me that you needed to do something with your legs”. Paul just looked at her as if she had said something in a foreign language, meanwhile Kerry screamed with joy. “Are you sure about this?” he asked her “this is a big step, are you really sure?” He hoped she really meant it and headed for the shower. Reading the instructions he sprayed the foam all over his legs being careful where it touched, secretly wishing he could spray it all over his body. Emerging from the shower with smooth legs and hairy stomach and back made him look very funny, Janet walked in just as he stood there. She laughed and even Paul had to laugh at the ridiculous sight standing in the bathroom, “OK go on then you can do the rest” she said. Paul asked for an old pair of his underpants to cover the pubic area, putting them on before starting to spray the foam on his stomach and asking Janet to spray his back. Ten minutes and into the shower to see the black mass floating into the drain and a clean smooth body appear before their eyes.

Even drying himself was different somehow, Janet had left a can of powder on the bathroom cupboard with a suggestion that it would help in the overall feel of his new skin. The talc slid off his body but left a silky smooth feel to his arms and legs, Kerry was becoming more visible every hour and Paul had nothing to say in it. She stepped back into the bedroom and opened the drawer containing her new underwear, selecting the blue pants and bra set she put them on with the inserts as well, this was followed by the hair piece to at least give some resemblance of Kerry and threw on a bath robe. Janet called to come out to the lounge where she had a surprise for Kerry, sitting on a low seat she had her nail polish container on the table and told Kerry to sit on the seat. Kerry sat down and Janet jumped slightly as she had to adjust to the change in image from Paul to Kerry. Trying to adjust she asked Kerry to put her foot up on the seat as she reached for a nail file and buffing file. The bathrobe slipped open up to her thighs and Janet could see the smooth legs that looked far more feminine now that the black hair was gone, she couldn’t help but run her hands up the legs. Several minutes later and the hardness of Paul’s toe nails had vanished and a smoother set had been created. Janet had laid out a few bottles of polish and wanted to know what colour Kerry would prefer, given her burgundy sweater and shoes it was an easy choice. A base coat and a second coat gave her a nice finish then Janet made another major jump, “would you like your nails doing as well?” she asked. Silly question thought Kerry and simply put her hand forward and said “yes please” in her sweetest voice. Again the process of filing and buffing was started, Janet hardly noticing that they already looked smooth and buffed but went ahead and applied the polish and even a cover coat of clear to help it last longer. As they waited for the polish to dry the two girls chatted about the shopping trip and what they wanted to buy.

Kerry gently kissed Janet like any girlfriend would and headed for the bedroom to get her makeup bag and then to the bathroom to put on her face. They expected to be out for around six hours so the makeup would have to be daytime and hence light cover, Kerry had to keep reminding herself to keep it light. Start with the pan stick, the foundation and then the powder to set it off, then mascara and eye liner followed by eye shadow. Kerry loved the look of the darker eyeliner and couldn’t help but apply far more, in fact she had more colour and definition than Janet would ever go out with. Outlining the lips was harder than she had remembered and it took two attempts before she could fill them in and apply the glossy lipstick she had bought from Kate. Paul had bought Janet some nice perfumes over the years so Kerry picked up the nicest and with a quick dab she put some behind her ears and on her wrists. Kerry replaced the hair piece brushed the hair into shape, a quick spray to keep it in place and she was ready to get dressed.

Every time she had read about people putting on stockings after their first leg shaving it made it sound so exciting and electrifying she could hardly wait to find out for herself. Now that all of the hair was gone she wanted to try on the sheer fine denier stayups that she bought from Lisa the day before, delicate but so sexy she thought carefully before opening the packet. When Kerry took the stockings out of the packet her heart raced, she rolled them up and started to slide one of them up her leg. The freshly coloured nails at the bottom of a sheer stocking made her stare for a while, the flashback to Sydney made her stop and sigh but she still had another one to put on. The second one gave the same feeling and she shook all over, Kerry couldn’t help herself but quickly put on the new burgundy heels.

The bathrobe dropped to the floor as she stood there in just her underwear, stockings and shoes, the change in just 24 hours had been incredible. Janet walked up to the door as Kerry was looking in the mirror, she waited for a few seconds watching this well dressed woman, or should that be undressed woman, admiring herself quietly in the mirror. The face was happy and smiling, the body was clean and smooth and the underwear was gorgeous even if it was over the top for a picnic she knew that Kerry was enjoying herself. Janet quietly turned around and went back to the kitchen for a few minutes to give Kerry space. Stepping into the wardrobe Kerry took the grey skirt off the hanger and stepped into it turned and pulled up the zip, the feel against her legs was far nicer than the day before. Kerry took the sapphire jumper and carried it into the bedroom before putting it on the bed, something was missing. Janet walked in and seeing Kerry contemplating the jumper asked her what was wrong, the solution was simple, a camisole to cover the bra and add some warmth. Janet went to her own drawers and pulled out a dark blue silky camisole then adjusted the straps to allow for Kerry’s longer body length. One last touch, the earrings, a few rings and “special K” then Kerry was ready to go out and shop. Janet just had to stand there and shake her head as Kerry was in total control of everything she did and she could tell that this was not just a simple play acting for Paul, it was from deep within.

Kerry grabbed her handbag and car keys and headed for the door but stopped suddenly and decided that it would be better for Janet to drive in case the neighbours were watching. While Kerry had taken her time to get ready Janet had prepared a picnic and Kerry carried it to the car before getting into the passenger side, being careful to swing her legs in and smooth her skirt out. As Janet drove out of the estate they started to relax and talk about the day ahead. The drive to the river was pleasant as the sun started to warm up the inside of the car making the girls feel better. The river was fairly calm and a few boats could be seen moving out to the port as Janet pulled up alongside their favourite spot and parked the car. The picnic rug was spread out and the picnic hamper brought from the car and unloaded onto the blanket. The air was getting warmer and as they sat and eat their lunch many of the things they talked about related to the pain of the last year and the hope for the future. Janet wanted to know about Kerry and asked her to introduce herself properly. Paul had written a bio for Kerry during a counselling session during the last year and this was where she started. When she had finished Janet summed up how she saw things, “it seems to me that Kerry has not only survived but has helped shape your life”. Paul and Kerry both nodded knowing how much they had in common; yet also knowing how much was still unclear. This was only day two and what would happen at the end of the seminar, would Kerry be locked up not allowed out again?

The picnic hamper was packed up and put back into the car so they could go for a short walk to get the blood flowing again. The pathway was not the smoothest place in town and Kerry decided that she really needed some sensible shoes if they were going to walk very far so it was a slow walk like two friends walking and talking beside the river, the people that ran past or rode their bikes down the track would not have seen anything else. After a short walk they turned around and headed back to the car, it was time to shop and they had chosen which shops to visit, even Kerry had been open about what she wanted to buy today. The lingerie shop, the shoe shop and if it was open the little boutique they had looked at last night. Kerry drove to the lingerie shop parking around the corner and locking the car they walked into the store. There was no hesitation this time and when Kerry saw Lisa behind the counter she walked straight up and introduced her to Janet. Lisa was surprised again and said as much to Kerry, who smiled and thanked her for being so friendly. Lisa reached under the counter and produced a special voucher, signing it and writing in Kerry’s name she gave it to her. “We have a special thankyou to our clients that introduce a new client, 50% off their next purchase” she said. Kerry was off and shopping, nothing better than a real good offer

Kerry selected some more knickers and the matching garter belts for the two matching sets she bought yesterday, Janet also chose a matching set similar to the one chosen by Kerry. As the two girls browsed around the shop, Janet came across some very delicate camisoles for Kerry to go with her matching sets. Kerry had been looking at some nighties but wasn’t sure how Janet would handle it, Janet saw her looking and came over to the racks and checked out what she was looking at. The decision was Janet’s and Kerry told her that it was her choice if anything was selected and she walked away to give Janet space. While she decided Kerry went and selected a garter belt and stockings in Janet’s size to suit the matching set she had already chosen. When they came back to the counter they had chosen a decent pile of lingerie in multitude of colours and in the middle were a couple of matching nighties of different sizes, one for each of them. Kerry just touched Janet’s hand gently to say thank you and turned to Lisa and produced a credit card, even if the name didn’t match the face it was still valid cash. Saying good bye to Lisa, Kerry again promised to come back on Thursday for the other items and left with two big bags of shopping.

Similar to yesterday the bags were put into the boot of the car and the girls headed off to the shoe shop, just to look not to buy anything, sure! The same sales person was behind the counter as they walked in and Kerry had to control herself from saying anything. The special was still on and Janet saw a nice pair of flats that had just enough style to be acceptable when dressed up. Kerry again looked at the heels and chose a pair of 4” heels in a silver grey with rhinestones that looked hard to wear but absolutely gorgeous. She showed them to Janet who just looked at her and asked “are you silly, they could kill you if you fell over” but that didn’t stop her from trying them on and walking around the store. Eventually logic took over and Kerry realised it would make her well over six foot and that was definitely pushing her choice of staying low profile, so she chose the same style in 2.5” heels. As they paid for them Kerry used Paul’s credit card, with the same sales person as yesterday who swiped the card asked Kerry to enter either the pin number or press OK and waited for it to be approved. After asking Kerry to sign it she looked at the card and the name and then back to Kerry’s face. It was then that Kerry could not help but lower her voice back to Paul’s normally bass voice and say “I hope you didn’t have a good laugh last night at my expense” and took the credit card. The girl just stood there with her mouth open.

Janet and Kerry put the shoes in the boot and got into the car, it was a short drive to the parking station in the centre of the shopping mall, where they had a date with the small boutique. Parking the car and walking into the mall they found the store and entered looking for something for Janet. Kerry looked around to find a smart outfit for Janet to wear to the seminar in only six days time. Janet had been looking at a nice three piece suit skirt that could be dressed down by adding a silk blouse and leaving the waist coat off. Kerry had found a nice skirt and top with slit up the back and see through sleeves in a colour similar to the burgundy sweater she bought yesterday. Janet went to try them on and came out wearing each outfit to get Kerry’s opinion, and either outfit would have been fine to wear to the seminar. Kerry could not make up her mind and neither could Janet so Kerry did what Paul would normally do and told her to buy both. Kerry had however chosen another couple of blouses for herself, one white long sleeved silk blouse and another in silver grey, just to match her shoes she thought. Again the shopping was easy and no one in the store had the faintest idea that the two girls were anything but friends, definitely not husband and wife.

It was now about three o’clock so they headed for the café area, Janet went to choose a table at the back but Kerry wanted to sit out front in the “see people and be seen by people” area. She sat down and motioned to Janet to sit down, Janet commented that Kerry was not blending in but had chosen a place to be seen. The waiter came and took their orders for coffee and cake so they sat and chatted about the clothes and what they would need to finish them off, bags, belts, and of course the right earrings. The coffee was drunk and the cake was eaten while they watched the people walk past and just enjoyed the time together.

As they sat there a couple of the old directors entered the café, they saw Janet and said hello, not stopping or greeting Kerry. Janet and Kerry both decided to just sit there and not be intimidated but see who else came into the café. A few minutes later the remaining directors entered and likewise saw Janet, greeted her and went into the café. Kerry was amazed that they had not identified her or stopped to say anything but hello to Janet. Her pain surfaced very quickly and it was only Janet’s encouragement that kept her under control and stopped her from walking out. When the coffees had been finished they stood to leave, Kerry pushed her chair in and before Janet could stop her she had approached the table of directors and stood there just looking at them. “I know you won’t answer any of my questions about why I was sacked but I thought you would at least say hello” she said and turned and walked out leaving them starring at her. Just a little bit more wiggle than normal and a flick of her hair as she left the building feeling quite good about herself. Janet just looked at her and said “I guess they deserved that, lets shop and forget about it”

The only thing they wanted was a good pair of earrings to offset the formal outfits so they found a jewellery shop and went inside. The sign said “simply irresistible” and it promised to be just that as they looked at gold, silver and even diamond earrings before settling on a pair of stranded earrings with a very small diamond at the top. Of course they bought matching sets, what else do girl friends do when they shop. Janet also wanted a nice single diamond stud for Paul when he returned, more manly than a set of hoops. While Janet chose her gift Kerry was checking out ankle chains and found a two for one offer, she had already picked her size when Janet came over. By the end they had matching earrings, ankle chains and a stud for Paul that’s a ”diamond Stud” silly.

As they walked back to the car they passed the café again and were very careful not to look inside although they had no doubt they were being watched and talked about. Kerry had settled down from the comment and actually felt very good about it all, even if it was only part of what she wanted to say, it would do. The walk was doing them good and they continued to the end of the mall just looking in the windows and talking about the clothes they saw and what was in the car waiting to go home. It was a very comfortable Sunday in the town and as they drove home Janet asked if they could do it again sometime, a remark that surprised Paul and made Kerry jump on the inside. There was hope for a longer freedom than she first expected.

When they got home and unloaded the bags from the car Kerry asked Janet why she had made the comment about more time together. Janet then proceeded to tell Kerry about how she was very easy to be around and not grumpy like someone else they knew. She also enjoyed being able to talk about clothes, shoes, makeup and things that friends normally talked about given the number of friends she had was limited lately. Kerry asked her about the number of clothes she had bought and the next week with Kerry working from home. Janet had assumed that Kerry would have been working from home due to the company offices being remodelled and enlarged. She had not thought about what Kerry would be wearing while at home, let alone the extra clothes, but Kerry had been thinking about it all along. They discussed the “rules for Kerry at home” and decided that the best plan would be for Kerry to return to normal before Janet got home each night, after all she did want to stay married to Paul.

During his time searching the internet Paul had found a set of “Rules for Cross dressers and SO’s” on the tri-ess website and had downloaded them just in case anything changed. Kerry told Janet about them and printed out a copy as a starting point for future discussions about how to handle Kerry. The rules included no changes to body parts without mutual agreement, no chemical changes such as hormones. In short it was a cease fire agreement that could be held up as guidelines and promises that each person could stand on as a minimum for each party. Janet thought it was a good starting point and they gave her some of the basic safety points she wanted, Kerry thought it was Christmas or was it just parole?

As tea time approached Kerry asked Janet if she should change back in time for tea and the evening together. To Kerry’s delight the answer was “only if you really want to” so she chose to stay as she was, after having a quick shave, change of makeup and a spray of perfume Kerry came back out for tea. After the meal Janet wanted to see all of the things Kerry had bought in the two days and make sure they looked okay on her. Kerry was suddenly nervous as the amount of gear she bought was much larger than the budget she had been given, much larger. Clearing the bed she laid out the black skirt and slacks, the grey skirt, the sweater and jumper along with the black jacket in such a way as to show the mix and match options. Then unpacking the two silk shirts from today and the white one from yesterday she had over ten different combinations. When the lingerie drawer was opened Janet saw that the colours and range was far bigger than her own drawer of undies, and then she remembered her own purchases from the shopping trip today. When she unpacked her bag she found the garter belt that had been put in and just looked at Kerry as if to say “I should have expected it from you”. The stockings also fell out on the bed and she could not help but laugh and throw then at Kerry.

The shoes and jewellery were put away as was the large number of pants and handbag. The night gown was placed under the pillow for night time, one under each pillow. The weekend had turned out totally different to how they both thought it was going to be and they still had a full week and the seminar next weekend ahead of them. As they went off to bed the second day finished and they were both happy.

To Be Continued .... Kerry being free

A whole week of being Kerry at home, the woman of the household, getting ready for the seminar and coming to grips with little changes that have big impacts if not controlled. But Kerry had a problem with control, she always wanted it her way so just chose to hear different instructions.

With the office being remodelled Paul had been given the start of the week to work from home and with the power of remote connection it could have been anywhere in the world. Janet left for work early and reminded Paul about the “Rules of engagement” and let him know exactly when she would be home from work. The office had become too small for the company as it grew rapidly and the refit that was done less than a year ago was now ready to be modified and replaced with more offices as they took over the next door tenant’s space. It came just at the right time, the end of onsite implementation work while reports could be created off site, a real chance for Kerry time.

When Janet left for work Paul went into the shower and made sure that the hair was still gone as he had no idea how quickly it would grow back. A good shave and then time to choose the right underwear, the choice was huge and instead of racing into it Kerry decided to look at everything laid out on the bed again and choose it to match the clothes she had planned for the daytime. When everything was laid out there wasn’t too much space left on the bed, not bad for a weekend shopping that was not planned. Of all of the gear her favourite was the corset but putting that on would take more than one to get it right so it would have to wait for another shopping trip or the weekend seminar. She chose the matching set in white with garter belt and skin coloured stockings with a slight shine. This would go with the short black skirt and white long sleeved blouse and a matching white camisole; the black shoes would complete the outfit. She pulled up her control briefs and tucked everything away neatly, bra and inserts next then the garter belt and stockings; the feeling had not diminished and again brought the same feelings of excitement. There was that tug on the garter belt as she stood up before pulling up the pair of white hi cut pants over the garter straps and then slipped her feet gently into her black shoes. Again the body posture changed and she felt suddenly more feminine as she stood in the bedroom. She knew that the control brief would upset toilet visits but by blanking it from her mind the femme image was still alive.

But now it was time to practice her makeup skills so into the bathroom and open her makeup bag, she checked her eye browse and decided to trim just a little bit more. Each day she trimmed just a little at a time, it was always from underneath and never from on top so that the arch appeared to move higher rather than lower. Her thinking was that it would not be a sudden change for Janet and hence easier to get through. Beard cover, foundation, powder and then the eyes, this was the hardest thing to get right and Kerry loved the really bold dark outline and mascara look but it was too out there for Janet, but she was at work today. The lipstick and gloss was next to match her nail polish which had survived better than she thought it would having never had to look after her nails so much before. Kerry practiced making the outline wider than her actual lips and filing them in for effect, the first time was bad, real bad. The second attempt was closer to the natural line of her lips, three coats and gloss made a much better image. The hair went on and after several minutes of teasing and spraying it looked very nice. Returning to the bedroom wardrobe she reached for the camisole and blouse before stepping into the black skirt, it was actually much shorter than she had expected and with her new hairless legs it looked very sexy. The feel of a good skirt and shoes and Kerry was ready for work, Oh the joy if this was a daily occurrence.

Kerry thought about work and opted for a few household tasks, tidy the kitchen and put away the breakfast things. A load of washing and then make a cuppa before turning on the computer and reading the daily emails. This felt so good sitting there earning money and enjoying herself. The time it took to get ready was less than the time taken to drive through the city traffic to the office, an easy decision she thought. Around 11 o’clock she stopped and headed back into the kitchen to make another drink and change the washing. Kerry thought about tea and started looking through the cupboards to find if there was anything like a special meal she could cook. She thought about going to the shopping centre for the food but that would mean two problems, one being out by herself and secondly having to do all of the talking, an area she had not mastered yet. Not today she thought and went back to work after putting on the second load of washing.

By lunch time she had done a couple of reports and had sent them to the clients for testing with real data. When Kerry got hungry it was an ideal time to stop and enjoy her time, she made a salad and sat in the lounge reading a magazine, not the normal computer ones but Marie Claire. The articles of most interest contained hints on dressing to hide faults, somehow it didn’t cover the faults that Kerry had. The stories made easy reading and relaxing was as simple as picking up a magazine that had no relationship to work or technology and more to do with the girl within. Forcing herself back to work Kerry went back to the front office and continued the jobs at hand but at all times making sure she followed the pointers she had learnt about sitting with legs closed or standing up with knees together.

The afternoon went quickly as the reports started to flow and got installed on the client site. Then the email from the boss, the builders had found asbestos in the walls and ceiling and called an immediate halt to remodelling the office. It was expected to take another four days to complete the work due to the hazardous nature of the asbestos and the consultants would be out for another two business days and return on Monday morning. He did ask if everyone was okay with this and thanked them for our patience. Kerry never read anymore than the first line before starting to plan the remainder of the week, this would help considerably.

Around three in the afternoon Liz rang and asked if she could come around to chat, so Kerry put on the kettle and checked the kitchen. Liz had been asked to cater for the seminar and had volunteered her daughters to help with waiting on the people. The thought of them seeing Kerry had spooked her and needed to talk it through with Kerry before it happened. Liz arrived just before three, Kerry opened the door to let her in but Liz had not been told that Kerry would be present, she expected Paul to be working from home instead. The door closed as Kerry had to almost pull her into the room, her mouth open and eyes like saucers, “Wow, you look so different today, does Janet know about today?” she asked. Kerry explained the rules and how Janet was due home at 6pm so Kerry still had a couple of hours grace. “Cuppa?’ Kerry asked as she turned and walked into the kitchen, Liz just followed behind watching her long legs and tail swish around. Kerry talked about her activity on Sunday as she sat on a lounge chair with her legs crossed at the knees and folded back towards her body. Liz watched and tried to listen but the changes just seemed to keep coning, Kerry stood perfectly to return carrying a tray of drinks, sugar and small biscuits.

As they chatted and drank tea the solution was simple, bring the girls around on Thursday afternoon and allow them to meet Kerry, they could ask questions and also let her know if she had any problems passing. It seems that young girls can always spot a t-girl easier than anyone else and their insight would be helpful. Liz was going food shopping and asked Kerry if she wanted to come along, it would only take thirty minutes or so and they could be back well before Janet returned. Telling Liz to wait she vanished for a few minutes, checked her makeup and grabbed her new purse and keys.

Walking into the mall Liz noticed that Kerry was holding back slightly possibly due to the presence of so many kids in the place. They bought the food first then walked down the mall before going into the “Cosmetics Factory” a place that had more makeup than Paul had seen in one place before, a place he had always wanted to enter but had never gone in. Liz grabbed her arm and stepped inside and they spent a few minutes just walking around looking at the range of products before Liz picked up a set of stick on nails. Seventy two nails of different sizes, she showed them to Kerry who understood exactly what they would do for her. Kerry suggested that it would require another nail polish or two and turned for the display area. Liz followed and helped choose a couple of colours that would compliment Kerry’s new clothes and hair. Kerry also wanted matching high gloss or wet look lipsticks to match as well so by the end of a few minutes they had spent nearly $50, time to go home.

Kerry started to prepare the dinner as Liz sat talking about the weekend and how she enjoyed seeing Paul so happy, it had been a long time since they had all been happy and felt peaceful about their situations. The time passed very quickly and Liz had forgotten about her own family until she suddenly remembered and ran for the door saying that she would bring the kids back on Thursday after school. She prepared the evening meal and tidied up the house ready for Janet’s return remembering that she had to change before she returned. Leaving it to the last moment Kerry had only just put the shoes away and hung up the skirt when Janet pulled into the drive way, the underwear would have to wait for bedtime.

Janet came into the kitchen and saw the dinner laid out and the house tidy and the glass of wine ready for her. She sat down and took off her shoes; they spent the next half hour talking about her day and what had happened at work. Janet wanted to know how Paul had enjoyed working at home and what else he had done, so he told her about the reports he finished and the shopping trip including the makeup they bought. He didn’t talk about the housework or preparing dinner, or the joy of hearing the heels click on the tiles as he walked around the house. Janet noticed all of the things that had been done and just smiled at the results.

After dinner when it was dark they went for a walk with the dog and spent a lot of the walk just talking about the weekend and the things that had happened, their focus was on deciding if they could move on and leave the pain behind them after the horror year. The evening was just like normal except Kerry wanted help with the stick on nails so Janet helped her to select the right sizes, shape them and cover each of them with three coats to make sure they looked good. All along Kerry watched and learnt and of course they had to be stuck on afterwards. The change to Kerry’s hands was remarkable the nails took the emphasis off the size of the hands and looked really good for “fake nails”. Janet said that they could fall off at any time so they made spares in each size and painted them as well before putting them into a small container that came with the nails and putting them away. Kerry would wear them through the night to see what happened.

The next few days were basically the same pattern; Janet would leave for work, Kerry would then arrive, work billable hours for the client, clean house and do housework, prepare dinner, change before Janet returns. By the time Janet arrived home on Wednesday the entire house was spotless and dinner was almost on the table, she could get used to this quite easily. Not only was the house clean and tidy but even her lunch for the next day had been made and set aside in the fridge ready to take to work on Thursday. Over dinner Janet started to say how much she appreciated the things that Kerry had done each day and also the changes in Paul. Over the five days since Kerry was released, Paul had become more considerate and a lot less grumpy, could this be the problem over the time of their marriage? The concept was not novel to Paul, as many wives and partners had commented on similar changes on the websites he visited but it was good to hear it from Janet. Thursday was late night shopping and Kerry felt that some things still remained to be improved upon. Janet knew that Liz was bringing her daughters around to critique Kerry and that would be good as preparation for the seminar.

Thursday started like the rest; shower, breakfast, Janet leave, but this time Paul decided to stay around and leave Kerry until the afternoon. This day the housework didn’t get done as quickly as Paul started working for the clients until around 2pm, then he went to shave and prepare for Kerry to be inspected. Kerry had planned on wearing the outfit for the seminar, black skirt, burgundy sweater and burgundy shoes to match. The jewellery and daytime makeup would compliment a conservative image and one that could easily be toned up by makeup later on. Laying out the clothes on the bed she chose the white silk underwear and stockings to add that touch of femininity to help her through the seminar.

When Liz knocked on the door at 3:30 Kerry invited her guests into the family room, the girls just walked in checking out everything they saw. Liz introduced Kerry to each of the girls in turn as they found seats around a table. “Well let me have it, don’t hold back I need to know the truth” Kerry said, hoping that it wouldn’t be too painful. The girls didn’t know where to start, shocked was a good word to use, but it was more awe than awful they agreed. Kerry stood up and turned around slowly so they could see the entire package, being careful to stand and sit in the right manner. The eldest started, “You look fantastic Paul, sorry Kerry, I am having real trouble seeing the face we know”, this was a good start thought Kerry. “Two little things, the stockings are for clubbing not everyday wear, unless you have changed your PRO fession” she giggled as her mum tapped her. “The second thing is the size of your chest, I mean your breasts, for a girl your size they need to be bigger and the waist smaller”. This was the main reason Kerry had wanted the girls to come around; they would be honest and say what they thought.

Kerry stood up and headed for the bedroom saying she would only be a few seconds, and then turning to Liz asked her to help. Kerry unclipped the stocking and removed her belt before Liz could come in; she took off the sweater and bra so by the time Liz stood there Kerry was half naked and heading for the clothes drawer. Taking out sheer pantyhose and the corset she asked Liz to help tighten it up as it took two to get right. Liz had never seen one of these let alone done one up for anyone, but a few quick comments and she understood how it worked, even if it looked very painful to wear. After a couple of attempts at getting it right the corset achieved the desired effect on Kerry’s waistline and after Kerry had inserted the bra inserts, her bust line came into shape. Liz left the room as Kerry put on the pantyhose and sweater, adjusted her clothes and stepped back into the family room, “much better” said the girls together.

They sat and talked about the seminar and wanted to know if Kerry would be scared of being caught out and laughed at. The chat went back and forwards about confidence, looking the part and also about feeling the part. Kerry really did feel the part was right for her and the only risk was her voice, which was getting better every day. Sue, the eldest had been looking at Kerry’s nails and asked Liz if she could get some for the school holidays that started Friday lunch time. Kerry stood up and went into the bedroom and came back with her nail kit and sat in front of Sue and asked for her hands. Over the next 30 minutes Kerry cleaned her nails, buffed them and then made a set of stick on nails for Sue, a couple of coats of nail polish and the job was done. Liz said that if she put them on they would have to stay home from school for the Friday, tough choice. They looked great on and Sue hugged Kerry for them before showing her youngest sister who suddenly wanted to be older.

Janet had arranged to go to and come home on the train and get picked up by Kerry so they could go out shopping and then for tea so Liz and the girls left before the bus was due. Deciding what had to be bought at the shops tonight, Kerry removed the corset and put the bra and inserts back on. Kerry hurried through the bathroom and made some minor changes to her eyes as this made the most impact, a splash of perfume and blusher, grabbed the jacket and handbag and headed for the door. Even minor changes still took 15 minutes, what a difference a skirt makes to prep time. The train had just pulled out of the transit port as Kerry pulled into the kiss and ride area to pick up Janet, a quick kiss and then off to the shops. Janet asked how the critique had gone and Kerry told her all about the afternoon’s activities and the changes the girls had suggested. Janet had noticed the bust size but decided against saying anything to dampen Kerry’s confidence. They drove over to the Lingerie shop to pick up the bits Kerry had ordered on Saturday. While there she waited for Lisa to finish and then asked her about breast forms that could help with the problem. Lisa told them about a shop in the city that would be able to help, and then picked up the phone and checked that they would be open tonight. They closed in 10 minutes but would stay back if Kerry was definitely going to be buying tonight, a quick check and yes Kerry would be buying tonight.

Janet and Kerry left the shop and got into the car, the shop was about 20 minutes away plus parking. They got into the shop to meet a woman in her late forties dressed in a typical shop assistants outfit but looking at her watch, clearly staying back was not her choice but a sale was a sale. Kerry introduced herself and Janet then proceeded to ask about types, sizing and costs, each had to be considered. The cheap ones looked just that, cheap, the nice ones cost around $180 and came with a flesh coloured cloth outer to absorb sweat. Being a sales person first and foremost the woman offered the silicone ones as well, at $400 plus they would be more like an investment than a whim. Kerry looked at Janet and asked for her opinion, “they cost more than I expected” she said pointing to the silicone set on the counter, “How much time does Kerry expect to spend out”. This was a question that both had avoided until today when it became obvious that Kerry was here to stay. “The better we make you look the less chance of embarrassing me” Janet said and Kerry returned to facing the sales person.

Kerry asked the woman if she minded helping her put them on for the first time. There was a small fitting room towards the back of the shop and ushering Kerry into the area she asked her to remove her sweater and bra then lay down on the bench. The alcohol wipes cleaned her chest area and the glue was left for a few seconds on the breast forms before being placed carefully in the right spot, “stay still for a couple of minutes to allow the glue to work properly” she told Kerry. As she sat up the feeling of weight on her chest was a totally different sensation for Kerry and it put her off balance. She got dressed and returned to the front counter just as Janet was finalising the sales docket with her credit card. Silicone forms, glue, and cleanser came to over $450, a good investment thought Kerry. She could already feel the forms warming up to body temperature, and as she moved they moved, the sweater was now a very good fit, some would say tight but it made her figure just that much better as she stood and looked in the store mirror.

Time for tea suggested Janet and looked down the road for a café or somewhere to get a simple meal, after all, the shopping had cost so much lately. They chose a small Thai restaurant and entered after checking the menu prices, a table near the door would be okay as they only expected to stay for a short meal. The meal came quickly and they finished it within the half hour so they paid the bill and walked outside. Janet had been noticing that several of the customers had been checking out her “husband” and this caused some concern, how would they handle any approaches? Janet decided to bring this up later away from the ears of others and in the safety of their own home when both could be open. Kerry wanted to shop but Janet decided that enough had been spent in the last few days to last a month so they went home.

Sitting around the house dressed as Kerry was becoming fairly common place and one that didn’t cause any real stress for Janet so they just sat and talked. She brought up the fact that men had been checking out Kerry with her now “ample portions” over dinner, this worried her and she needed to talk about it. Paul knew that one of the fears held by wives is that a transgendered person would become gay; a totally false fear in the logical mind, but this didn’t stop the fear. It took several attempts at getting the wording right before Janet understood that She was His desire not someone else. Did the fear vanish or was it just answered correctly, only time could tell as they went off to bed and the problem of glued on boobs. Kerry had not considered sleeping with “mounds” in front before although this was everyday stuff for Janet, and nearly every other woman on the planet. It was a restless night with Kerry tossing around trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in, the nighty helped somewhat.

Friday was normal; Kerry got dressed and worked through to the afternoon before totally changing back into Paul in time for Janets return from work. This included taking off the boobs and washing them carefully in the cleanser that had come with them, definitely not a quick decision to glue them on. This time Paul had decided to really go all out and made a special dinner with soup, main course, and a dessert that Janet liked from the shop. Candles and music in the background told Janet that something was up as soon as she stepped into the house. Paul handed a glass of wine to Janet and kissed her gently, “I just wanted to say thank you for everything you have done this week and letting me enjoy my time so much” he said with tears forming in his eyes. Janet saw them forming and took her hanky and dabbed them, her own emotions welling up seeing her husband's feelings being expressed for once. They stood and embraced each other as the music played in the background and some of the pain of the year died silently. The evening was delightful and the meal was as good as she cooked, if she ever got the time. Janet had been spoiled this last week and it would be hard to go back to normal, she even considered if she wanted normal anyway. They danced to the music, drank some wine and then some after dinner mints to finish off the night before heading to bed. The seminar was not until 6pm so the next day would be spent relaxing since Kerry had already done the housework during the week.

As expected the day started with breakfast in bed and watching the morning news broadcast, something that had become a weekly ritual if time permitted and with everything so tidy, time really did permit. A few manly tasks around the house had to be done and Paul hated doing any of them, the pool needed cleaning, the patio needed water blasting and the gutters needed checking for debris before the rainy season started. After lunch the remaining tasks got finished before 3pm and the start of preparations for the seminar. Janet had poured a bath and filled it with scented oils ready for Paul to soak in, she also had a surprise for Kerry but that could wait. She told Paul to make sure the legs were still hair free and also to do his armpits without saying why. A really close shave in both directions and Paul was ready to start the transformation hoping he could get it right. After putting on some underwear and a bath robe he walked out into the kitchen area and saw Kate standing there. Janet and Jane had asked Kate to do a private job in her own time and arranged for everything to be set up ready for another transformation.

Over the next hour Kate did her magic and helped Kerry to come out, she had brought one of her own wigs and placed it on Kerry’s head without letting her see the finished effect. The wig was a very good quality medium length, curly, light brown with blonde streaks, it was not the style that Kerry would have chosen but with the work that Kate had done it was fantastic and framed her whole face. While Kate had been working on the face Janet applied the nails with super glue and checked they were firm. Kate turned Kerry around to face the table mirror and there was another Kerry, more formal and younger looking with her blonde streaks and curls around her face.

Janet sent Kerry to the bedroom to get dressed and she followed quickly behind just in time to see the next stage unfold. Janet had been shopping during her lunch breaks and found a dark red halter neck dress with shiny black see through lace covering and a scarf for the neck. When Kerry saw it on the hanger she thought it was for Janet, not guessing that she would be wearing it out to the seminar. Janet said it actually was very well priced compared to the retail price and the winter season, although it never got cold in their state just a little nippy late at night. Kerry needed help putting the glue on the boobs and placing then correctly, then the corset needed lacing up, after that the rest of her outfit was easy to put on so Janet left her to get dressed. The stockings clipped on to the bottom of the corset and the pants came up over the control brief to complete the illusion, it would be murder if she had to use the toilet but the look was what counted tonight. Kerry stepped into the gown and pulled it up to her chest, the edges of the silicone boobs had been blended to her body colour and instead there was a well presented cleavage projecting from the top of the corset. Kerry buttoned up the halter top and pulled up the zip behind her back. The chandelier earrings and burgundy shoes finished off the look and with a black lace shawl the shoulders would be well hidden and give some warmth later on. Kerry put on the rings and her special K necklace, the hearts juggled between her breasts drawing obvious attention to them, but hey that was what it was all about. She stood back to admire the look in the mirror, the same one that Kerry had first appeared in nearly two years ago. The irony struck her but the beauty was just too exciting to bring her down.

Stepping out into the family room she found not only Kate and Janet but also Liz and Jane who had arrived a few minutes earlier and they each had on very elaborate dresses, not at all the style she expected for a seminar on wealth creation. The girls just clapped and cheered when they saw Kerry and even Kate had to admit there had been major changes with the right clothes and breast forms. Kerry did her usual swirl being careful not to trip in the heels even if she was getting very used to wearing them at home. It turned out that the seminar was deferred on Wednesday due to venue problems, the girls had decided not to tell Kerry and spoil her fun but instead chose to arrange an evening out for the four girls, Kate had also been invited to join them. They were off to the ballet with pre show cocktails and a meal afterwards it was going to be a full night. Janet said that she just needed to finish up getting ready before the limo arrived and raced into the bedroom leaving Kerry to entertain.

At 6pm the limo pulled into the driveway and waited, out of the house came 5 stunning ladies dressed to kill. The neighbours had beers in their hands again and just starred as the girls got into the car and drove away, they had no idea that one was a man and one of the others had been born male. The drive was about thirty minutes and Jane had arranged for drinks in the limo which helped them all relax just a little bit more. It was like prom night for each of them as the Limo pulled into the drive area of the entertainment complex. Cocktails started an hour before the curtain went up and trays of finger food were offered by waiters in white shirts and black bow ties. The time went quickly as they bought a program, visited the ladies restroom to freshen up their makeup and prepare for a 60 minute first half. The ballet was fantastic and the box seats gave them a great view of the stage and other patrons as they all enjoyed the show. A short interval and another drink then back in for the last 45 minutes, it was going to be late before they got out of the theatre let alone fed.

It was nearly 10pm as they walked into the restaurant next door to the theatre and the place was filling rapidly with other people that had made similar bookings. Their table was surrounded by people but the girls had drunk so much and were so hyped up nothing was going to stop their fun, especially not Kerry’s fun. The waiter took their orders and had the food on the table within 15 minutes, this was just a normal evening for them, show finishes at 9:45 food at 10:15. The noise level was high so Kerry had trouble listening to the conversation but just enjoyed being out and dressed so stylishly she could have sat here for hours. At 11 o’clock Jane called for the limo to pick them up, it would be around 20 minutes and the girls decided to pay the bill and go outside so they could talk.

There was a pathway down to the river and they went for a short stroll to see the lights of the city reflected in the water. The evening was not cold so the walk was comfortable and they found the pathway well lit as people walked past them arm in arm. The girls chatted about the ballet and the evening, the meal and of course the stunning new girl, Kerry and the fun they had been having together. The limo pulled into the car park and waited for them, the drive back was a lot quieter than the first ride and they just relaxed in the comfortable seats of the limo. It was nearly midnight before they had paid the bill and entered the house. As Kerry saw the clock she could not help but think about the fairy tale about the Ball, midnight and changing back into plain old Cinders and wondered what would become of Kerry after the clock struck midnight. As they say, that is another story and one that has not been written or dreamed of yet.

Onwards
The next week was just like normal, work and more work in the new office area. The builders had finished their job and the company came back together for their first staff meeting for a while. The overwhelming opinion was that productivity went up due to the reduction in travel time and the ability to keep working later in the afternoon and after tea time. The billable hours figure supported the comments and the boss was quite happy that the disruption hadn’t hurt financially. The only thing the team missed was the social interaction of being in the same area together and the bouncing of problems off each other.

While they all talked about the work they had completed it was Paul that had the least to say about how he felt about the week at home. Somehow the others would have had little understanding of the joy he had during the week, let alone why. At night things got back to normal following the heavily weighted “Kerry Time” last week. By the end of the week Paul and Janet had not really talked much about what the future would hold for Kerry, it was Friday evening before they got time to talk. Over the usual Friday drinks and cheese Janet wanted to know how much Kerry Time Paul would like to ask for. It was hard for Paul to express himself due to the fear of the past and his expectation of disagreement and argument from Janet but finally he put forward a plan that he thought could be acceptable to both. It included a support group meeting every second Wednesday, a couple of other events and the freedom to dress when working from home. Apart from that Kerry would only fully come out by joint agreement although the chance of wearing underwear was also agreed upon.

On Saturday the day started as usual with breakfast in bed and then housework but by lunchtime it was decide that the afternoon would include a trip to the Art gallery in the city that Janet walked past every day on her way to work. Kerry was hoping to get invited but just kept quiet and waited for Janet to make a comment, which never came. Instead Paul and Janet had a great time looking at artworks trying to decide what the artist could have been thinking about as they painted or sculpted the work. On the way home they picked up some food for dinner and a few supplies for the weekend. It was just before they got home that Janet asked if Kerry would like to join her for dinner since it had been nearly a week since she had been out anywhere. The acceptance took less than a second to be thought about and given back to Janet as a definite yes.

As Janet prepared the evening meal Paul went through the shower, shave process and removed any extra hair that had grown during the week before choosing an outfit for the evening. Kerry chose the grey skirt and sapphire blue jumper and black heels, she had already been wearing a nice pair of knickers and stockings during the art gallery trip so adding a bra and breast forms completed the outfit. The makeup took a while to get right as she could not get the eyes to look good enough, maybe lessons would be a good idea. Of course the special K necklace and large earrings had to be used as well as the ankle chain and rings. As she entered the dinning room the candles had been lit and the music was playing in the background, a glass of white sitting ready for her.

Over the dinner and then dessert they talked about the day at the art gallery and what some of the more interesting items were supposed to represent. Kerry enjoyed the relaxed time and the discussion of artworks but mostly the time being dressed and treated like a woman, she did not see that Janet also enjoyed having a woman to talk with. They talked about the clothes they had worn and Kerry offered some suggestion on how Janet’s outfit could be dressed up for a more formal look. Janet found that having Kerry give fashion comments was easier than she expected and surprisingly well balanced. Sunday was going to be a free day with nothing planned so Kerry asked about going to the afternoon movies and then dinner at the little Italian restaurant in town. Janet had enjoyed the last movie night and asked about inviting the other girls, a quick phone call and the movie time was changed to 5pm with dinner afterwards.

As they went to bed the talk was about what they would each wear and what they could do before the others arrived. It was decided that a trip to the Museum would take around four hours and be easily fitted in with the other plans. Sunday was a sleep in day with breakfast in bed and late start, by late morning they started to get ready, Kerry taking the most time. Janet had listened to the fashion comments and made some changes while Kerry selected the black slacks and burgundy sweater and heels and opted to carry the black jacket in case it got cold. Kerry did her makeup after making sure that the 5 o’clock shadow would stay hidden until well after dinner. A light shade of brown eye liner and blusher along with burgundy nails gave a very gentle look but an air of classic quality. It was just after lunch by the time they arrived at the museum and parked the car nearby, so they chose a coffee in the café instead of lunch.

There were only a few groups in the museum so they were able to walk and talk without being interrupted or overheard. Many of displays had been moved around since their last trip but it was a much quicker tour than they had planned on so after only two hours they left the museum and walked back into the city. It was Sunday trading so the shops were still open and specials could always be found. Janet asked if Kerry would help her choose some new clothes for work and headed into the nearest mall looking for a cheap store. Kerry also looked around but for a better quality store and grabbed Janets arm to stop her from entering the cheap shop. The new fashions included reds and blacks, bold greens and browns with simple lines and easy to wash but Janet probably would not like the tighter fit and shorter skirts that Kerry had in mind.

Kerry started to look around and selected a couple of longer skirts and tops to get the right sizes and keep Janet onside with the colours. Slowly she changed the length and size until Janet wore a very nice outfit in similar colours to Kerry’s own clothes but with a skirt that came to about five inches above the knee. The jumper was tapered and tighter than normal to give shape to her, well, her assets. Janet started to make objections but Kerry just looked at her and mouthed the word “Yes” to let her know that it was out of her hands and the purchase was going to be made. If Janet didn’t wear it then Kerry would as her size was now very close to Janet’s dress size and Kerry really liked the new fashions. A few more shops and Janet had a couple of mix and match outfits for work in the latest colours and shapes.

Just before closing time they stopped and had coffee and cake as dinner was going to be late tonight. Janet had another look at her new work clothes and shook her head at the choice of colours, not her normal ones or fit but she was beginning to understand that Kerry had some fashion sense and could be trusted. The movies started at 5.30 so they had to walk over to the cinema complex, get tickets as well as meet the other girls. As soon as they had bought tickets Kerry suggested a trip to the Ladies room, she needed to adjust her makeup, this was still a threat for Janet and she told Kerry about her doubts. Kerry asked if she should go to the gents instead, the answer was obvious so they headed off to adjust their appearance. Kerry went straight into a toilet stall without looking around and sat down, which she did normally even as Paul. A few minutes later she was standing at the mirrors using her eye liner to emphasise her eyes, and then some shadow to complement the look, an extra coat of lipstick and then a coat of gloss to make them shine. Janet just stood there in amazement watching as Kerry made small changes but ones that had a significant impact on her look.

Leaving the ladies room they found Liz and Jane standing with their tickets and popcorn ready to go in, they kissed each other as Jane checked out Kerry’s makeup. “You are really getting the hang of doing your own makeup, it looks very good” said Jane as Liz nodded in agreement. Kerry just stood there and let the comments sink in and watched Janet wondering what she was thinking about. The movie was about to start so they went in finding a middle row and sitting down with Kerry in the middle. It was an average movie, slightly funny but nothing over the top or violent just a nice time out. As they left the cinema together they saw a couple of their friends coming in through the doors, would they be able to read Kerry who they had known as Paul for several years? Kerry stopped dead in her tracks before being grabbed by Jane, “I’ll say you are a friend from back home” said Jane as they walked towards them. The couple approached and said hello to the three girls they knew and looked towards Kerry, “This is my friend, Kerry” said Jane and Kerry held out her hand. It was a very slow motion few minutes as the girls each talked to them and let Kerry slip to the outside of the group. Liz took the lead for once and mentioned the next booking they had for dinner and said good bye. Outside they just looked at each other and laughed, even Janet, the couple had no idea who Kerry was and that was good, for all of them.

The café had a small crowd for a Sunday night so the girls selected a table in the alfresco area of so they could talk and see everything that was happening on the cappuccino strip. The waiter came, delivered a water bottle and menus before leaving them to make their choices for dinner and drinks. Kerry was a bit shaken by the meeting and needed to go to the toilet to compose herself, Liz asked if she needed company and got up to come with her. While this happened Janet and Jane made small talk until Janet finally asked Jane what she really thought of Kerry’s makeup since she had made comments. Jane complemented Kerry on her eyes and the impact they made, the choice of evening colours, Janet thought that the look was very “out there” and said so. Jane just laughed and called Janet “grandma” then told her to get modern, the look was very good and made Kerry look very attractive. Liz and Kerry returned looking more relaxed and composed. As the waiter returned they placed orders and handed the menus back, “enjoy your night Ladies” said the young uni student and smiled. “Not bad looking” said one of the girls, “shame we are so old, and married” said the other and they just giggled.

Over dinner they talked about the ballet evening last weekend and the fun they had getting all dressed up and doing their hair and makeup, of course Kerry could identify with this and added her comments of joy and excitement. The overwhelming decision was to do it again before the ballet season was over. Liz took a phone call from her girls then asked if they could join us in the café as they had been out all day and needed a lift home. As the two young girls walked into the café the waiter brought two extra chairs over to the table and took a drinks order for the girls. They wanted to sit near aunty Kez as they now called her. Over the next 30 minutes they kept asking Kerry about how she was feeling and her makeup. Somehow the plan for another ballet night came out and they both got invites to be part of the girl’s night out. Around nine o’clock they all decided that the evening had to end due to work on Monday and they left for their own homes after hugs and kisses all round, even aunty Kez got hugs.

Driving the car into the driveway, Kerry parked the car and walked into the house feeling like another step forward had been made. The time was almost 9:30 but Janet asked about a hot drink before bed and put the kettle on, she wanted to talk to Kerry and knew that it would be better out of the bedroom. Kerry sat down at the kitchen table sensing the need to talk but allowing Janet to start it. Janet had been having nagging questions about the ease that Paul had swapping from Paul to Kerry and back again without missing a beat. Kerry tried to understand the question but had difficulty in expressing it so Janet had to be clearer with her question which she did. “How can you be Paul one minute and Kerry the other without going mad?” asked Janet. This had been Paul’s initial question some 16 months prior when he had approached a trained psychologist asking for help. “The problem starts when you see two people and two characteristics” started Paul knowing that it made little sense even to him. Over the next hour they talked about the multifaceted view of people and how we can be several things to different people such as father and son, but at all times the same person. Kerry was the feminine side of Paul, the part that found clothing and all things soft of interest while Paul had to handle day to day male tasks such as earning a good income and being the husband / protector of his wife. Very macho and false but it outlined some of the stereotypical garbage that went around during his upbringing.

The other aspect that came up was the need to have safe places that we can go to where we are able to relax and be our selves without being made to conform. Also a place where the pressure of the day and life cannot reach into and cause stress. Janet had heard this mentioned during the last few months and asked how close Paul had come to throwing it all in, not quite sure what she was asking. Paul wanted to tell the truth and talk about suicide or separation but felt that Janet could not handle it so headed towards a vague notion of walking away from church and work etc. Janet seemed either happy with the comment or just didn’t want to pursue the obvious but it was dropped. Janet summed up what had been said in one phrase “Paul and Kerry are the same person and the clothes and name help define how they react or behave to situations” It is a balancing act, a compartmentalizing to keep sane as long as both parts are free to get expression and time. Another step forward had just been made and they retired to bed and the matching nighties.

To be continued ... Paul continues to work but finds an unexpected present for Kerry to enjoy

As we are liberated
from our own fear,
our presence automatically
liberates others.

--Nelson Mandela
{1994 Inaugural Speech}

Thanks to those that have given me feedback as to formatting and improving the readability of my writing. We see our own faults rather dimly at times.

The next few weeks involved much work and some weekend work for both Janet and Paul but Kerry was happy being free to just be free. The Work that Paul had to do was mainly in the not for profit sector and this meant being involved in a lot of site work to understand the client's needs even when they had no idea what they were doing themselves. One of the clients that had been brought on board recently had paid for a six week period of site placement and Paul had been allocated to the client. The annual fundraiser was being worked on and was finally unrolled during the first week of placement, the theme was “cross dressing for red cross”. I know it sounds silly but someone had to be driving it from the inside who had more agendas than the United Nations. The local footy team had been co-opted to lend support and the media had even run with it. If you don't believe me just Google the words "Crossdress for Red Cross Australia" there are still some of the photos on the websites although the incriminating ones showing footballers in silk have been replaced

The plan was for the workplace to be transformed for the entire week of the campaign. Somehow most of the staff had embraced the plan prior to the release of the media information and many had elaborate plans to make it work and draw attention. Silently Kerry was skipping with excitement while Paul had to appear to object, macho garbage! When Paul reported back to his boss about the plans at the staff meeting they all laughed and were glad it was him rather than them and yes it would be expected of him to join in to some degree, more complaints for effect.

The event was only three weeks away and at the client site everyone was talking about it during coffee breaks, the committee had made plans to hold a formal dinner as part of the overall project after the Friday workday. It would take a whole week of clothes and many of the guys obviously had no understanding of the amount of clothing they would need to find or procure out of the organisations op-shops which could be returned for credit afterwards. Kerry thought about her wardrobe and how many combinations she could make which were far more than the number of days she had to dress up for. It would however allow her the chance to shop at really cheap rates in the op-shops with full support and in fact she was required to do this for work. Janet thought that it was typical of how Paul made things work for himself but handled the whole thing with more ease than she would have done a year ago. Only one stipulation, the budget was limited to $100.00 after all they had spent far too much lately so op-shopping was a good alternative knowing that Kerry never gave anything back.

Paul’s boss had been interested in how he was going to make an effort to fit in and not make too much of a ridicule of himself or the company. During one of the many phone calls back to the office he asked Paul to drop in and talk to clear up a few question about the site installation. He decided that the company should take an active role in the event as they did with all of the other not for profit clients they had. His idea was to sponsor a cocktails evening after work on Friday prior to the dinner, a prize for the best performer over the week. His creative mind kicked into gear and a plan had been hatched that could be claimed as advertising and sponsorship.

The next weeks staff meeting had all of the staff being told about the sponsorship and that they should consider helping out on the Friday as part of their “community involvement” which was always encouraged. You could have heard the proverbial pin drop as they considered what had just been said. Paul told them that the op-shops had made an agreement on returns and if any of them wanted to shop he would go with them as he needed to find some things. It was going to be a great time at the client’s site for the entire week but as the time approached it became obvious that Paul would have to still perform all of his normal work in his own office before attending on Monday morning. Back home Paul would have made a spreadsheet to compile a list of outfits and options but Kerry had a far simpler way of choosing, she emptied her wardrobe, laid all of the clothes out on her bed and then tried them all on to make sure it worked. Far more fun and it did show that every day was covered except for a silk blouse or two.

On the week before the event it was into the op-shops every lunch time hoping for the last items to be found, instead Paul picked up two pairs of shoes at only $5 each, a vintage long line girdle with garter straps and a very nice teal coloured silk blouse. The other great find was another wig, this one was very similar to the wig Kate used with her a few months earlier for only $35. Kerry had been looking at wigs on the web and the local price for a quality blonde shoulder length human hair wig was more like $350 so she took next to no time to make up her mind. The other consultants had opted for girl friends or mothers to help them and hence spare the embarrassment of shopping all together. By the Friday afternoon drinks on the fourth week everyone that would be involved had chosen an outfit and sheepishly talked about being men in tights and not drag queens, not sure how that made a difference as they all agreed they would look silly in anything they wore but it was for charity. Paul made suitable complaints at the number of days he had to do this and asked about penalty pay rates for having to endure the taunts that would obviously come, the boss making a companywide announcement that it would be seen as unacceptable to make fun of anyone that got involved in the event and that he had made sure he would be suitably dressed for the prize ceremony.

Saturday afternoon came around and Janet had booked Paul into the local hair salon and nail parlour on the excuse that it was a work requirement and besides that it was for charity. After reading a few accounts of others making the “Beauty Parlour” transition they decided that an androgynous look with basic makeup would be fine for going there but Janet arranged for Paul to use a back room for changing during the session. The salon was nearly empty as Paul/Kerry arrived but several women gave him funny looks, maybe it would have been better to come totally en-femme and just leave them guessing. The hair stylist made a comment about the charity event and most of the women just laughed and went back to getting their hair done. By now Paul's hair was long enough to be styled without a wig and together they had decided to give the stylist a chance at using his own hair. Paul sat down to get his hair washed and unzipped his tracksuit top revealing a white low cut tank top and the outline of a bra as well as clear bra straps to the stylist. She just carried on as if nothing had happened.

As they went to work on the hair a nail technician came and checked out the nails, surprisingly well kept for a man and could have just used a good coat of nail polish. Instead they had opted for a full set of white tipped acrylic nails, the type Paul had always liked but afraid to ask for. Another person came over and suggested that an eye brow wax and shaping would help but they had to be careful so that after a week it could be vague enough for Paul to return. A slight cut and then some red tints through the black hair and a simple blow dry style that could be done each day and changed at the end of the week was done with minimal effort and time.

Paul asked for the back room as the attention was getting fairly loud and they wanted to make the most of the charity opportunity. They stood up and went through to the back of the salon where a bag of clothes had been deposited on Friday afternoon by Janet. Kerry was already wearing most of the clothes under the tracksuit and it would only take a few minutes to insert the breast forms and put on the short denim skirt and platform shoes. Her legs were smooth again and with a pair of shiny pantyhose, breast forms causing the tank top to jiggle around and the short skirt the look was quite different to the male image that most of the customers had in mind. A quick flick of the hair and Kerry was ready to emerge back into the salon and finish off her nails and eyebrows.

She picked up a small a-frame poster and sponsorship book and walked back to her chair, the ladies now silenced after seeing the before and after. Kerry did a lap of the salon and placed the poster and book in a prominent place before sitting down to the applause of the salon. The salon owner made a short note that the cost of the treatment today was being donated back to the charity as their contribution and encouraged others to support the event. An hour later and Kerry had new eyebrows, long nails, a great hairstyle and several donations in her book as many of the salon clients had stayed around waiting for the final showing. They were not disappointed at the final result and Kerry had a very appreciative crowd as she walked to her car.

Arriving home at 5pm the neighbours were out sharing a beer as usual so Kerry just parked the car, waved and entered the house without letting them see too much. Janet was out finishing the shopping so Kerry went to the mirror and checked out her new style, would it really be easy to hide after the week of fun? As Janet pulled into the driveway she sounded the car horn, which was her way of asking for help, forgetting that Kerry would be waiting inside. So when Kerry came out to help, Janet made very quick steps to get inside away from the viewing eyes across the road.

“Oh well, that’ll keep them guessing” said Janet as she started to laugh, then seeing Kerry and the hair style and nails she stood up to take a full look, the eyebrows made her gasp a little as they were more severe than she had expected.

“I know, they went a tad too far” said Kerry although silently she was very happy with the new look in every detail even the eyes.

Kerry flicked her hair and asked if dinner out was in order and where could they go to without having made a booking. Several minutes later and a night at a nearby small theatre had been booked with late supper to follow in an adjoining suburb.

Janet ran towards the bathroom as she told Kerry to put everything away in the cupboards and help her to choose a suitable outfit to wear. Kerry started to look through Janet’s side of the wardrobe and had a slight problem finding anything that really looked suitable so she turned to her own side and selected the black skirt, red jumper and then added Janet’s black jacket and laid it out on the bed, before heading into the bathroom to start her own makeup. A solid eye liner, shadow and bright lipstick made a stunning change to Kerry’s face and even she had to admit that it was hard to see Paul in the mirror anymore. Janet looked at the pile of clothes on the bed and the lingerie that Kerry had chosen for her to wear and the first instinct was to turn and get something less flamboyant for the night out. Kerry stepped up and told her to try it on and see what she looked like rather than make a quick decision. Kerry swapped the denim for the much longer grey skirt and sapphire jumper, this was one of her favourite outfits and made her feel so natural. As they both finished dressing they looked like a pair of friends ready for a night out so Janet agreed to go with Kerry’s suggestions. The matching jewellery came out of the safety box and together they clipped on earrings and ankle chains.

The show started at 7:30 and that gave them a good hour to drive to the theatre and have a short walk around the beach foreshore before the show. The evening breeze had started to freshen up and the wind blew through their skirts as they walked along the esplanade talking about the week ahead and how it would take longer in the morning to get ready. This would really be a challenge as the 5 o’clock shadow would actually turn up by 4pm every day since the day started at 7am each day. There was nothing that could be done about it and would add to the CD aspect of the charity event. The show was a local production put together with a small group of musicians for backing effects and hand painted scenery but the overall quality was better than either of them had expected. The intermission provided a time to stretch their legs and get a glass of wine before being herded back inside for the second half. The second half was a different format with some very funny comedy mixed with slapstick humour and pantomime. There was the obligatory “Panto Dame” in large frilly pants, hairy chin and facial mole for effect along with false boobs and wig. Janet and Kerry just roared with thoughts of next week and the possible looks that the guys would create without much insight into passing in public but I guess the intent was to be obvious rather than credible.

Supper was nearby and the café had a mix of light meals and drinks to cater for the theatre and movie crowds that spilled out after each show. They chose a small table and selected a plate of Turkish breads and dip along with Caesar salad Coffees and mud cake, not bad for a quick night out. Janet was getting quite used to having Kerry along and hardly made any signs of being on edge or scared about being spotted out with a guy in a dress, there again Kerry had changed so much in the last few months that even close friends found it hard to tell who she was. They just chatted like two mature girls after a night at the theatre before heading back to the car and a short drive home along the beach front. Kerry stopped in a small parking area overlooking the moon lit beach and let Janet just enjoy the scenery, water always made her feel at peace and especially when it was a good view of water and waves. Neither of them had realised that even as Kerry the driving was her job and not Janet’s, some things just seemed better that way.

The next day was Sunday and a leisurely day around the house catching up on reading and watching a movie at night aware that the next day would be full on. Paul had arranged with his boss, Bill, to arrive later than normal and get introduced as a temp worker as Paul had to leave the state on urgent family business. Bill had no idea how good Paul would look but played along with the plans they had agreed upon as he wanted to be seen as supporting the charity event. So the next morning it was an early start, shower, shave all over, makeup and then a very comfortable grey skirt and jumper with shiny nude pantyhose and modest heels. A handbag and plain stud earrings for the office look along with watch and of course the special K necklace that was Kerry’s favourite. The makeup was simple but very well done in light colours to match the general style worn by the girls in the office. The freeway traffic was heavy as usual and took Kerry longer than she had planned to get to work. As she entered the building she took several deep breaths to calm her nerves, this would be the first time anyone other than the girls had seen her.

Kerry stepped into the reception area and waited at the front desk until the office girl approached, Kerry asked for Bill by name while she stood there with her bag slung over her shoulder and back turned to the board room where she knew Bill would be coming from. As she heard Bill coming down the passage she turned to greet him with an out stretched hand, she could have knocked him over with the proverbial feather as his jaw hit the ground. Bill had expected a good try from Paul but not this good, he had to adjust his mind trying to find the face of one of his staff members and finding nothing of similarity to latch onto.

“Lets meet the team” he said escorting Kerry into the board room and offering her a chair near his. “This is Kerry and she will be helping us with a few things while Paul is out of the state” he said as each of the team introduced themselves to her.

A full 30 minutes later in the middle of the implementation review stage it was time for the status report on Paul’s client site. Kerry shifted forward and started giving the report as to progress and work that was planned for the week ahead and as she came to a close she produced the same poster and sponsorship book that she had at the salon.

“Not forgetting the charity event you can all put some money in for me” she said and leaned back in her chair. It was only then that the guys stared and made funny noises in their mouths like choking on too much drool.

Only one of the girls in the team had spotted Kerry and picked up the telltale signs, mainly because she had lived in Sydney and was aware of the TG scene and how they blended in. The receptionist came in when Bill told her the truth and she could not believe it was the same person she spoke to every single day at work. “You really have tried hard to make a statement” said one of the guys and others sheepishly said things about how they had been making plans for Kerry that would definitely have to be put on hold now that they knew it was Paul. Bill mentioned that the weekly client duties had to be completed as normal and that everyone was expected to make an effort for the Friday drinks and the charity event. Kerry had set a very high bar for them to hit. The room cleared with many shaking their head as they took another look at Kerry and tried to spot Paul. Bill wanted to say a few things before Kerry went off to the client site and he reiterated that the charity event was for fun and that Paul could enjoy himself as long as the work was being done. He had little understanding of how much fun Kerry was having. A quick visit to his desk and it was on the road to the next showing, the client’s staff would be ready for morning tea by the time Kerry arrived and a fashion parade had been planned from each section.

Parking the car in the undercover parking area Kerry walked carefully while listening to the click of her heels on the hard surface enjoying the thrill of the show. The boss had quickly created a new company ID tag just before she left this morning to wear on the client site so as she approached the security desk she was waved through with no trouble, the guards standing there in uniform dresses and blonde wigs while trying to look tough. The lift to the main computer area opened straight into the staff area where morning tea was well underway. Kerry spotted the project manager and headed for him to introduce herself as the temporary employee for the week. Gary was dressed in a simple short skirt and blouse but had used two bags of birdseed for boobs and they just hung there, his face was more like a clown with red blusher and lipstick framed in a blonde wig in the Shirley Temple style.

Kerry stretched out her hand as she approached and said “My name is Kerry I believe that you have been told about Paul not being here this week”. Gary smiled as he shook her hand and being divorced for the last four years, several thoughts went through his head in less than a millisecond none of them contained the word Paul.

It had been decided that those people not participating in the dressing had to either wear a badge or T-Shirt to show support and also give some indication of who was so Gary asked Kerry if she had picked up one of the badges. Kerry thought for a moment do I say yes or no, such an opportunity, to go Dressed or hidden, there really was only one choice as the boss knew about it and would drop in just to see the spectacle.

“Thanks Gary I won’t need a badge, what do you think of my outfit?” she said as Gary’s mouth open wide just before he shouted “No way is that really you Paul”

Gary had spoken so loudly that the staff area suddenly stopped and everyone turned around to see what had caused the trouble. Standing in the centre of their stares was Kerry who simply twirled around to show off her skirt and legs to the shocked group. Then as they say it all broke loose as they wanted to know how she had done it all, several of the girls came to check her out, the nails, the eyes and yes the chest did look so good. Several of the guys had obvious problems assimilating the image with their own thoughts and sexuality so they stood there like stunned mullets. Ten minutes later the break had finished and they all went back to their jobs as Kerry found her cubicle area and setup her laptop and connected into the server ready to continue testing the reports she had written last week.

During the morning several of the corporate types from upstairs came around to chat with the staff and also to check out the quality of the outfits, but Kerry was always pointed out by Gary as if he had something to do with her performance. The challenge this week was going to be related to getting serious answers from people dressed in skirts or clown outfits while they looked at her. Relating to the girls was always easy and they only made small changes to how they talked with Kerry, more touchy feely as if she was now one of them.

Lunchtime came around and while Kerry was finishing a report for printing a fairly attractive girl wearing a nametag of Sarah came up to her desk. “Were you thinking of going out for lunch today?” she said and stretched out her hand “my male name is Sean.”

Kerry stood and gently shook her hand suddenly both of the girls realising they had more in common than just a good week ahead of them. Sarah mentioned a lunch bar just down the road that did great sandwiches and had enough room for people to sit down. Kerry grabbed her purse and they headed for the lift, as they headed for the main door the only people going outside were wearing the badges, the dressers had all brought their lunches for some strange reason. The lunch bar was starting to get busy but they ordered lunch and found a table and ate their things fairly quickly. Sarah had medium length red hair that was obviously her natural colour and very light eye brows that had been trimmed only slightly to form an arch. Her makeup worked very well and the freckles made a child like image that could have put her at mid twenties. Kerry wanted to know how she had known about her and why she had invited her to lunch. It seems that the word was going around as to who made the most impact and one from each floor was being selected each day for the contest. Kerry’s name had made the list today as had Sarah and a few others.

“How long have you been dressing” asked Kerry assuming the thought they both had about the other.

Sarah told a very similar story to most of the TG community, a life of doubt followed by years of collecting clothes and makeup then purging, being found out and rejected, deciding on life in the closet, then finally having no alternative but to embrace the feelings and then find some relief from the constant pressure from within. Sarah’s wife had allowed her to go so far but was not happy even being seen with her outside the house or the TG club rooms. Sarah hoped that this week they could go to the dinner on Friday night and she would feel safe to come along. Kerry told her story and how much she had grown in the last three months since being let out of prison. Sarah asked if Janet could call her wife and invite her along to the dinner on Friday. As they walked back towards the building the lunchtime crowd would not have seen anything unusual just a couple of girls returning from lunch. The rest of the day went quickly and as they left for home several of the guys said that they had to try harder on Tuesday, after all it was their organisation and they needed to support it fully.

By the time Kerry got home, the thrill of the day was only matched by the pain of the feet from the shoes she bought at the op-shop. Janet was there to greet her with questions about the others and how it went at work with the other team members. Over a cuppa Kerry talked about the different outfits that the guys had on and the ways that they choked when she was revealed. Then she spoke about the lunch meeting with Sarah and the request to invite her wife to the Friday dinner, Janet was a bit taken back by this but agreed to have a look at it over the next few days. It would be a big step to actually have another CD’s wife to talk to and could bring up more pain for herself. The story about Bill and the team meeting was the highlight of the stories and Kerry told Janet about all of the comments and funny looks she got before breaking the news. Janet could tell how much fun Kerry had during the day by how much detail she had remembered and wanted to talk about especially the way she got away without being ribbed about it. Dinner was late and as Kerry removed all of her makeup she found that looking back into the mirror was a face that was still very feminine and not at all the normal face she had grown up with. Tuesday’s outfit was going to be a slightly tighter skirt and blouse with jacket and more jewellery and earrings. It was an early night as Kerry was feeling tired and needed to get up early the next day.

Tuesday, the chance to flash some leg and see how far she could push the boundary, well at least make a dent in the fence. The shower shave and preparation time was much longer than Paul took especially when it came to the makeup, a touch more eye liner and shadow, more lipstick and gloss, then a waft of perfume. Of course the special K necklace that made a kind of statement that she was special and had to keep reminding herself of the facts. Kerry had chosen the red shoes to match her red blouse and although her feet would probably regret the choice her ego would definitely not. They made her legs look tighter and longer, the hairless surface and shiny stockings also helped and yes they were stockings today but no one was expected to see them yet.

The drive in was just like any normal day, watch the traffic, park the car, and then the walk through the car park, click clack of the heels. It was a sound that made her feel like a woman the right to wear heels and make a noise that drew attention to the legs. As Kerry got to the lift she was joined by Sarah, she had also lifted her game a bit and cleavage was the only word to describe her outfit.

“What did your wife think about this” asked Kerry as they entered the lift.

“Not much she was still in bed when I left today” said Sarah.

Sarah wanted to know what Janet had thought about the invite on Friday and if she was going to make the call as it was starting to bother Sarah but Kerry had no answer yet. The morning tea fashion parade was better today and the guys had all tried harder, on other floors the response had also been better but on one floor, Toni had really come out of the closet so to speak. Sarah brought her down at lunchtime and they all went back to the same lunch bar as yesterday.

Tony had been very cautious about being seen and had opted for the support badge on Monday until he had seen the fun that others had and especially Sarah and Kerry. Toni had been hurt previously at work and was aware of the cost to being tagged as TG in a not so understanding state. The response of management to encourage the fun helped her come out of the closet to some degree, and that she had done. Her clothes all spoke of quality and careful choice, they all fitted perfectly and matched in every way her hair had been done since Monday, her nails and makeup were perfect. Over lunch she shared her story of hurt at work and home and how the only place she went was to an understanding sister that had never married but kept a very nice house near the hills with a room just for Toni to visit. So last night she had raced up there and got the help she needed as well as the peace to dress properly before work. Her sister was going to attend the dinner on Friday with her as well. She wanted to know about Sarah and Kerry but time only allowed for a couple of quick comments before having to return to work. The walk back to work was quite quick as they had missed the clock, this would cause some comments about girls talking.

During the afternoon Kerry got an urgent email about some system errors that had occurred due to the latest upgrade she had installed at her client sites over the weekend. The only way to fix them was a site visit and roll back of two files and reset the permissions before reinstalling the files. Yes it had to be done quickly before too much data was lost. Kerry did the changes at the site and excused herself for the rest of the afternoon. How was she going to explain the clothes she thought as she left the car park and headed down the road to the first site, Bold and Beautiful, was the only way to go. Parking nearby she gathered up her laptop, poster and sponsorship book and headed into the office. No one in the foyer, electronic security swipe card to get into the admin floor and still no challenge, then her project manager for this site met her in the corridor.

“Can I help you with something?” said Bruce, more like an accountant than a person looking to help you.

“You sure can Bruce, place this on the front desk for me please” she said handing him the poster and sponsorship book.

He was stunned as he read the poster and looked back at Kerry until he had put two and two together and made more confusion than his little mind could take. By this time one of the accounting staff had come out of the office, saw the poster and screamed out for the others to come and see. Kerry waited for a full audience then twirled around for all to see and waved the sponsorship book. As she left to do the rollback and changes the floor had come to an entire stop, they had heard about the bold fundraiser that was going on but had assumed it would flop and they had no concept of how good a man cold look in a dress.

The second site was more industrial with a full time receptionist and sign in procedures, and escorts to various parts of the plant. As Kerry arrive she walked up to the receptionist and addressed her directly by name, Susan was taken aback as she was certain she had not met the person before. Kerry signed the visitors book and asked for her usual escort also by name.

“Sorry miss but I have no record of seeing you before” she said looking at Kerry.

“Yes you have Susan, read the log book” replied Kerry.

Susan’s face was motionless as she read the name, Paul, in the log book. John had been called to the foyer and introduced to Kerry, John was now very interested in the woman that needed his attention not realising that they had installed most of the accounting system together and even spent time at the pub drinking on Friday night after work.

Kerry just leaned closer and said “come on John its only me, Paul” and walked into the accounting department ahead of him.

Again the poster and sponsorship book was placed on the front area as the IT guys and admin staff came to look and ultimately to pay the price of a good show. The third site was closer to home and another not for profit client but in a different sector of the community. Likewise they had heard of the campaign and thought it was going to be a minor success given the number of sporting stars that had been co-opted to help in promoting the dinner on Friday night. Different site but same responses from people that Paul had worked with for over 15 weeks, they had to come and look and of course the price was made clear.

During the afternoon Kerry got a call from Sarah wanting to know about going out after work on Wednesday so they could all talk, Toni had offered her sisters place to freshen up and change if we wanted to. Just a small local café in the hills a few drinks and finish by nine so that it would mean home before 9:30pm, still early enough. Kerry called Janet to make sure that she was OK with the idea, it turned out she had been invited to one of those horrible party plans and now had no excuse to decline the invite and promised to get Kerry back for it. When Kerry got home it was the same questions, how did it go and who won the floor votes for best dressed. Kerry talked about Toni and how she had been hurt at her previous workplace, ostracised by family but ultimately made a great effort at work today. It was another early night after putting her hair into curlers and sitting in the lounge in her nightie and reading a book for a few hours. Quiet music and no TV, that’s television not transvestite.

Kerry had planned Wednesday as a black slacks, jacket and semi transparent blouse day, with her corset underneath to make an hourglass figure and accentuate the bust line. After all a girl has to put her best options forward. The competition was getting better each day as guys and girls engaged the help of family members to make a noticeable difference. Wednesday was half way in to the event so totals for sponsorships had started to be displayed, this was not a winnable event for Kerry as she saw it as far more fun than financial. Still the figures were looking very good for most of the people involved and the goal post was closer than last years event.

The local footy team had been on national TV wearing dresses and talking about player review nights etc, this had added to the media interest and they had booked a live cross just before the mid day news segment. Just before the crew arrived the PR manager came around and chose a few people to be part of the crowd scene. Along with five others, Toni, Sarah and Kerry had been selected and found no way to get out of the act. It would be local and lunchtime so minimal risk they thought, and it was for charity etc. The camera crew came along and the talking head was made-up and told where to stand. The lighting and camera team worked around her until it was time to start, then the PR manager called everyone to their places as backdrops. The camera guys were moving around looking for a good shot for the news reader to use as an intro frame. Then they found the three of the girls and the rest as they say is news. Lunch was provided and the staff all stood around and compared how each floor was going, who was trying the hardest and who was holding the most votes for Friday night. Somehow the three girls had all been glossed over as they tried to blend into the background and just enjoy the fun of leaving the closet for a week.

After work Toni had given them instruction to her sisters place in the hills, a short drive and then they arrived at a stunning country house with large gardens surrounded by hedges and rose gardens. The ideal place to retreat to when life got too hard or noisy, Toni’s sister Jacky, met each of the girls with the offer of cold drink or tea, very proper for the setting. Jacky had never married but loved her peace and quiet along with her brother Tony, or as she was known around her Toni. This was a safe zone where the outside was actually that, outside the hedge, far enough away that it could be dismissed. The house was larger than first impressions and had six double bedrooms and an ensuite, a large dining room and outdoor tennis and BBQ area behind another high hedge.

“Quite the country retreat” she said showing us around the place with our drinks in our hands, “it used to be a B&B before I bought it” said Jacky.

Toni excused herself first and went off to get changed as we finished our drinks and chatted with Jacky. Kerry was eager to find out why she was so supportive of her brother and allowed him free run of the place. It turns out that she had seen the hurt caused by the workplace disagreement and the rejection he had endured that brought him to the point of suicide before he finally spoke out to her one night. Jacky had moved quickly and placed injunctions on the company on the grounds of mental hardship and unfair treatment under the sexual discrimination acts. The out of court settlement was enough for Tony to settle down and regain some life before having to go back to work. Although it was never at the same salary level due to the impact on his professional standing, that’s why the n-f-p sector had snapped him up, the price was right and the pressure would be much less as well. Only one of his new bosses had any knowledge of the situation and promised not to disclose the facts since it made no difference on his working standard.

Sarah and Kerry were shown to areas where they could shower, shave and change before going out for dinner. The rooms had large dressing tables with makeup lights and space to layout their clothes, a room for each of them and a large double bed made up with quilts and pillows as if the owners had just stepped out for a moment. Kerry started to dream about the possibilities of the place and a midsummer night’s ball. Sarah knocked on the door and entered wearing a stunning red dress and black patent shoes and handbag, the evening was just warm enough to get away without a jumper she thought. Toni had changed into a short black dress with a slit up the back and panels of lace down the sides and a halter neck tied into a large bow that flowed down her back. She had put on stockings that had heels and seams sewn into them, Kerry made a note to get some as soon as she could. Kerry had chosen a dark brown handkerchief style of skirt with cream coloured flowing blouse and wrap around woollen shawl, not as glamorous but very country or peasant looking. With brown boots and a brown handbag she was still very ready to stand her ground. As the three of them came back into the lounge area Jacky made them stand and get photographed. It was at that moment that Sarah noticed the news report and their three faces large as life on the screen. The evening presenter had a few comments from other management people at the charity and more footage of the fashion styles followed by the sports stars and the information about tickets for the Friday dinner.

As they drove to the restaurant the concern was about how many people would put the faces together with knowing where they worked and make the connection. Kerry told them about meeting two friends at the cinema and not being read even after two minutes of close chatting and that was before the hair and nails. Sarah relaxed but could only think of her wife back home. Kerry’s mobile phone rang and Janet congratulated them on being news stars for 15 seconds, she wanted to know which one was the red head as she looked so good. Sarah was impressed and thanked her for the compliment hoping her wife would be so understanding.

The mid week crowd was very small so finding a table out of the way was easy as they sat down to order their drinks and meals. The background music was soft enough that Kerry could hear properly what was being said without having to strain or ask for it to be repeated. The drinks came with the garlic bread and Tapas plate so they had plenty of time to chat about their life stories and how they felt about being controlled or corrected by others that had no understanding of their special gifts. Toni started to talk about the feelings of suicide and the absolute lack of any hope for the future that had driven her to the edge. Sarah and Kerry understood where she had been and confessed that without help any of us could end up there. The need for support and people to talk with about our feelings without ridicule was essential, the concept of stop it now or else did nothing for the person fighting to come to grips with the issues in their own life.

Toni had a very supportive sister and Kerry mentioned how lucky she was, after all most siblings took delight in sticking it to the others with little mercy. Sarah wanted to know if something had helped Jacky become so helpful to Toni. Toni said that it was really her story and we should ask her directly one day as we would find it very interesting and she would be happy to share it with us. The dinner arrived along with more drinks and time between each course to allow for talking, the art of culinary delight is best served with time and we had plenty of things to talk about. It was as if each person had to get their story out onto the table before the chance was gone, before the clock struck twelve and the coach turned back into the pumpkin. Kerry was the first to mention how long it had been since she knew that she needed a special person to talk to, one that knew exactly what was going on in her head. Sarah and Toni just nodded and a small tear formed in Toni’s eyes as she spoke about the loneliness of being TG in a very harsh world.

The drinks got refilled as dessert came around on a wooden trolley that had four levels of cakes and pastries, tempting for any one that wasn’t watching her figure. Each of the girls thanked the waiter but declined as they had eaten enough to fill two people. As they drove back to Jacky’s place the mood was very relaxed, possibly due to the amount of wine or the amount of release they each felt after being able to talk about themselves to another person that understood. They thanked Jacky for her hospitality, who made it very clear that they could come up at anytime even if Toni was not going to be there or even stay overnight one day.

The drive back home for Sarah and Kerry was probably the same, Kerry mulled over the things she had said or heard and wished she had more time to chat. There was a sadness about the evening that could only be described as being out of sorts with your circumstances. The constant struggles and doubts, the comments by friends when anything about cross dressing or sex changes came on the tele, snide comments from people that did not know you were TG when a person of different sexual orientation walked along the street, they all ganged up on the individual to pull them down and break their resolve.

Thursday was a new day; Kerry had breakfast with Janet and caught up with the events of last night before getting ready to go to work. A quick check of her work email and she found a calendar reminder about the suppliers marketing web-cast at the office around lunch time, Sarah and Toni would have to go alone today. By this time Kerry had already gotten dressed and had no time to change into less provocative clothes. The very short and tight black skirt and partially see through white blouse with black lingerie and 4” heels was strictly show off material, not for street wear. She had planned on making the most of this week and didn’t want to miss anytime at all. Well, nothing for it they would just have to stare and try to concentrate on the web-cast.

The morning fashion parade was again ever increasing in quality and several new “girls” had stepped up to the mark, there must have been some serious pressure from home to make this work. The new ”guys” also had adopted facial hair, stuffed pillow wadding and even bad breath to make a point and lets not forget the obligatory rolled socks in the jocks trick. All up a very convincing group of people at all levels of the organization trying to have fun and make money for the charity. As far as we could tell no other t-girls came out of their closets but we watched very closely as we worked on each level of the building. Lunchtime approached so Kerry left messages about being away for two hours and left the building wearing a black jacket to cover the see through blouse.

Walking out of the lift at the main office she bumped into Bill coming out from the kitchen and made him spill his tea down his trousers, not a good thing to do to your boss. Kerry apologized but it was too late for his appearance given the timing of the web-cast and every staff member being present as they walked back into the office together. One of the guys who was not present on Monday asked why he had wet himself and looked at Kerry as if to ask who she was before stopping himself and thinking better of it. The web-cast seemed to go on forever and the air-conditioning was not coping with all the staff in one room so they became hot and sleepy at the same time. That was until Kerry took her jacket off without thinking and every guy sat up as did the girls who had been paying little attention to the technical discussion on data base design theory and the speed of processing. Suddenly Kerry was the centre of attention and even Bill had to remind them to focus on the web-cast and not Kerry’s breasts.

As soon as the meeting was finished Kerry stood up to leave but two of the girls pulled her back into the room, they had to know her secrets. The cleavage was too good for just padding and her waistline made them look fat, how had she done it without a lot of help. Kerry was concerned that they would twig to something that could cause a great mountain of pain for her and was not willing to go there. Kerry told them about her friend at the theatre group and special effects latex that could be moulded into any shape they needed, faces, scars, even boobs. The hair and nails had been a sponsorship that Janet had arranged and the clothes came from Janet’s wardrobe or the op-shops quality section. Since the girls had never been op-shopping before they could not argue with her so they just said how good she looked and could they have the boobs afterwards. Kerry just hedged that one she had no intention of giving away $450 worth of breast forms just to hide her secret hobby.

The rest of the day flashed by as everyone was getting excited about the dinner and talking about what they had bought or hired to wear. Kerry just kept quiet about her dress and so did Sarah and Toni, a girl has to have some secrets to surprise the guys with. On the way home Kerry dropped into the salon to get her hair set ready for the next day, the owner could not believe how good she looked, I guess the blouse made impressions everywhere. A quick check of the nails and she was ready to go home, this time no one had laughed or even taken any notice of her, just another girl getting a trim and tidy up. Janet was late home since she had to pick up her new gown for the dinner dance and get Kerry’s from the dry cleaners. They prepared dinner, talked about the daily activities and finally crashed into bed around 9 pm, Friday was going to be a major event and create pressure to get there on time.

The next morning Kerry rose early, showered, shaved and put on her makeup ready for work before Janet was even out of bed. She had chosen the slacks again today but with the red jumper and red high heels this would make sure she did not get too many votes at work, Bill had told her to make sure she did not win. Janet had agreed to book an overnight room in the hotel and save driving home after work or risking a fine for DUI, it was going to be a long night and they wanted to enjoy it. Toni also asked if she could use the hotel room as well just to get ready and Janet had accepted after knowing about her loneliness and the great host her sister had been. Sarah and her wife had made plans to get there by taxi and they would all share a table rather than sit with the other people we worked with. When you find someone that understands you want to spend time with them. Jacky was coming in after work and would be slightly later so she could have the room to herself to get ready while the rest went to the cocktail party. Janet was planning on taking the gowns and bags containing the essentials such as makeup to the hotel ready for their arrival later in the day.

As each person entered the office they received a special award from the CEO to show his appreciation for being good sports and joining in with the fun along with some special vouchers from places like Price Attack and Bras n Things, offers from Witchery and Katie's for discount and a special one for high quality makeup at trade price for the first order. Kerry put those straight into her bag, Janet was not going to get those offers after the effort she had put it. The morning fashion parade was even better than any other day with little snacks and drinks being served by wait staff in costumes, nice little French Maids outfit thought Kerry. The workload was never going to be great today but several items had to be finished ready for Monday morning testing so Kerry had to really push herself. The lunchtime was a working lunch as many sections had agreed to finish half an hour earlier to allow more time for preparation for the nights activities.

So by four in the afternoon everyone was getting a little bit too excited and going from desk to desk asking what everyone had planned to wear etc. The bosses decided to close the office earlier than agreed and let everyone go home to prepare for the nights activities. Toni and Kerry drove over to the hotel and Kerry booked into her room under the name of Paul since the credit card was in his name, he should have thought about that. The counter staff had been briefed that they may see some right sights tonight but Kerry and Toni were hard to believe as they looked so good.

The main event - The Ball and all the confusion. A chance to go away for a weekend and say goodbye to a dear friend.

Toni and Kerry went into the wine bar for a drink to kill the time before Janet arrived, they had been sitting just chatting and watching the Friday crowd wander through the bar area when one of the guys drinking at the bar came over and started to chat to them both. Toni just carried on as if it was quite normal and made suitable comments about his job and how good it must be, not realising that she was being chatted up for a date. When the question came she choked on her drink and went bright red, Kerry had to rescue her quickly without causing hurt to the very attractive young man.

“My niece has a young man back home and I think he would get rather mad if she accepted your invitation” she said trying not to sound matronly or pompous. He stood wished them good afternoon and went back to the bar.

“What were you thinking” asked Kerry as soon as he had gone. Toni made a bashful face and asked what did she mean.

“I just wanted to know how it felt to be wanted and seen as attractive by anyone” said Toni glancing back to the bar.

We call it a core need for every human being, the need to be wanted and valued or desired, to have external approval of who we are and what we have to offer. It can been seen in lots of things we do either at work or play or even in serving others we all need the acceptance of others to prove that we are worth something.

Toni turned back to her drink and said “haven’t you wondered what it would be like to be wanted like that?”

Kerry had to think about that one as it messed with her logical head and caused too many questions that she did not want to seriously look at. “Have another drink” said Kerry to avoid the question and both of them knew the answer they would each have said if they had been honest enough.

Janet arrived just after work had finished and joined them for drinks, neither person mentioning the cute guy. Toni stayed in the wine bar area while Janet and Kerry went to get ready, they would take at least thirty minutes before Toni could go up and start to get ready. Toni entered the suite just after Janet had showered and changed clothes ready for her makeup. Toni looked at Janet and suggested that she make some simple changes to her look that would outline her face more and give real emphasis to her eyes, just the thing Paul had tried to tell her. She listened to Toni and did what she said, to Paul’s surprise, the difference was quite pronounced and made her look much younger.

Meanwhile Kerry had finished dressing in her evening gown, the same one from the ballet complete with corset and stockings. Time for her makeup session to begin as Toni ran into the bathroom for a shower, clothes lying everywhere. Janet said how she found Toni very easy to get on with and that the night should be better than she had thought it would be when they first talked about the event. An hour later and three very attractive girls stepped into the lift and pressed the button for the banquet floor. The door opened and a sea of faces and colour flooded into their eyes, men in frocks, girls in tuxedo’s people in between the two, not sure where they now sat gender wise but taking part in the charity event that would be with them for many years to come.

Kerry found a seating plan and their table number before heading into the cocktail area to meet the other company guys that had been co-opted or pushed into coming. Sadly most of them looked very miserable to be forced into skirts and even the girls looked only partly comfortable with their changes to suits and ties. Bill on the other hand had made a real effort to go with the flow and had a good wig on and a solid makeup job, although it was much too white for the bright lights and cameras. Looking at Kerry he missed the fact that Janet was next to her until Kerry had to introduce her to him again. Small talk and gossip was the order of the day as some people felt very vulnerable in drag as they put it.

Bill had to make a small presentation to the winner of each floor and then to the overall winner so he stood up on a small stage area and blew into the microphone like someone that never used a mic does. He welcomed everyone on behalf of our company and hoped that the night would be a success before receiving the envelopes from the PR team that was overseeing the night. One by one he went through the floor numbers and called each winner out for their award then it came to the accounting floor.

He stopped after looking at the winners name, “accountants are supposed to be dull, colourless and boring according to Monty Python but the winner has blown that idea away this week”. He looked around to find Kerry and then said “floor seven winner is Kerry Brown” Kerry stepped onto the stage at the height of the applause, “ Well done Kerry, I did tell you to make sure you did not win” said Bill as he handed her a small plaque for the event.

The overall winner was going to get a prize for two nights away and full pampering, makeover and beauty treatment for the wife. The crowd hushed as the envelope was passed to Bill who stood there reading the card, happy that it wasn’t Kerry. “This years winner is from the graphics section, Toni Reading” Toni shook with surprise as she had not expected to stand out for anything. As she got the award and prize from the CEO, Bill told everyone that Toni was selected partly because of the way she got behind the event after being initially cautious but then threw her whole self into the fun. Little did they know how much she threw into it and how much fun it had been for her, it was a make or break situation in her life at this point in time.

Sarah and Mary arrived during the presentations so came over to meet Kerry, Janet and Toni with drinks in their hands. Mary was obviously very taken with the presentation of the girls and Kerry saw her looking very closely at her makeup before asking Sarah if Toni and Kerry were really guys or had she made a horrible mistake. Janet stepped over to her and started to chat so she felt better relating to a real woman, she was very surprised at how good the girls looked and had expected more of a drag queen image than a very attractive group of women. Sarah felt a little bit out of it having to dress within the restraints that Mary placed on her and she said as much to Toni and Kerry as they sipped their cocktails and swirled the little umbrellas then carefully chatted about the week they had just had together.

The highlight had been the Wednesday night meal together and Jacky’s house in the hills, who arrived just as they finished talking about her. She kissed Toni and the other girls before being introduced to Janet and Mary, the small group finished their drinks and walked through to the table in the ball room. Janet stayed close to Mary and made sure she was feeling ok as the entertainment started and a clown came out to the sounds of plates crashing and fire crackers going off on stage. It was the charity CEO who had quickly got changed and made-up to act as the MC for the night. He talked about the event and the special people that had contributed so much in time and effort to make it a success then the footy stars that had brought their media following and the members of parliament that came along for the free drinks but had left their dresses at home for once. The crowd cheered at the last comment since none of them had gone to any effort to dress up.

The food flowed during the night as did the drinks, it was going to be a heavy night and the corset Kerry wore would be straining a lot by the end of it. The girls sat close to each other and their partners and Jacky could see the bond that was building between them, even more than during the Wednesday afternoon that she met them. Kerry stood up and picked up her purse and asked if anyone needed a toilet break to freshen up, Mary froze on the spot as the consequences became very real to her forcing Sarah to pass.

Toni stood and said “sure lets go and see the ladies room” and they walked off arm in arm. The hotel had signs on the toilets declaring that the persons using these facilities may not present as the signs showed or in fact be the same gender as the sign, a public disclosure notice to save lawsuits later. Being fair, the hotel had allocated separate toilet facilities for specific gender usage and had maps showing where they could be found.

Inside it was hard to tell who was who and who was what so Kerry did her business and then went to the mirrors to make sure everything was in place and looked good. A few ladies made comments about how good she looked and nothing about her using the wrong rooms, even though they had all seen her during the week and also when she got the floor award. Toni came out and followed the leader to the same comments and gentle touches that girls do to each other as a sign of bonding. Much better than killing animals and blowing things up that men had to do to prove they had what it took to survive. When they returned Mary had composed herself again and Sarah returned from the gents, not happy to use the ladies room for Mary’s sake.

After the meal and several short items from celebrity guests the music started and the dance floor was gently lit up with candle stands and smoke machines to entice the non dancers to give it a go. Kerry always promised Janet one dance a night and any more was bonus so Janet was very surprised when Kerry took the lead and stood up ready to dance. Was it the music the clothes the company or just Kerry finding herself, Janet didn’t care the only question was who was going to lead? Kerry lead and Janet enjoyed a slow waltz around the room followed by a slightly faster one. Kerry obviously enjoyed the dancing far more than Paul ever did, it must have been the flowing gown and the fact that others watched closely.

After the second dance Janet asked to sit down as her back was still sore from standing all day, to Kerry’s surprise Bill came over and asked for the next dance. This really shocked her as dancing with the boss was not seen as good career move for a guy, even one that looked really cute and wore a dress. Bill lead and Kerry tried to compensate for gender changes but to little success and many others saw her fumble the footsteps and tread on his toes. It was then that Bill said how proud he was to see Kerry getting so involved in the event and sacrificing her own feelings for the better good. Little did he know, Kerry would have done this every week given the chance and along with no risk of losing her job. The dance finished and Bill returned her to the table thanked Janet for the opportunity to dance with Kerry and went back to his own table. Staff meetings would be strange for the next Monday or month or year.

The dancing went on until late and the girls all got asked to dance by a variety of work colleagues both male and female as the gender divide was greatly blurred tonight and nobody seemed to care very much. Finally they decided it was winding down and Janet invited them back to the room for coffees before going home, always the host even when away from home. They got into the lift and headed for the penthouse viewing platform and some fresh air, a quick look at the lights then down a few floors to the room and coffees that had been ordered from room service.

The group had somehow found enough in common to make the whole night a great success without the others things happening. Jacky said how she felt proud to know the three girls that had not known each other a week ago and now seemed to be close friends and the help they had been to Toni. Mary also shared how she was very nervous about coming and the media images of the TG community, since clearly the three of them had something the others didn’t have, the drive to be the best they could and enjoy the chance to be free for a week. Sarah asked what it would take to have another night out together and a meal. Jacky then made the offer of her place, if everyone could help with the food we could have a small dinner party and stay over for the weekend, two nights away. The decision was going to be with Mary and Sarah as they had children to look after, Sarah suggested her sister who had four kids anyway so two more made no difference in his opinion. They chose a date in three weeks and Mary offered to co-ordinate the food buying and menu if the girls took care of the drinks, activities and chocolates.

The party broke up around 1 am and the others hired a taxi to get them home while Janet and Kerry just closed the door and collapsed on the settee. They slept well into the morning before dialling down for breakfast in bed and a late check out and then a drive home. Kerry had forgotten to pack any clothes for the trip home so she had to put back on the clothes she had worn to work on Friday and the makeup and jewellery. The front desk clerk gave a funny look as she booked Kerry and Janet out using Paul’s credit card until another staff member told her about the dinner last night, then she had to have a closer look to believe her eyes. Kerry showed her the floor award and thanked the staff for all of their help with the bags and clothes last night. The car had been brought out front by the valet and the bags loaded into the back of the car, Kerry stepped up and got the keys as the valet said “have a nice day ladies.” As they drove home Janet asked Kerry what she thought was the best part about the week at work and what was the worst thing.

Kerry thought for a while then said “the best thing was being able to talk with the other girls and know they understood”. The worst thing for the week took longer to think of and she wanted to be careful before saying anything. The week at work was such a high that coming down from it and returning to “normal” meant a round of grief that was never easy to handle. Kerry knew that it would take at least a week to get over the intense feelings and satisfaction of living as Kerry 24 x 7. The only way she handled it was by looking forward to the next time as Kerry the next time out of the prison.

The next week at work was a fairly unreal atmosphere as everyone tried to return to the roles they normally filled but could not forget the fun they had. The company staff meeting was going to be hard for Paul as the hair and nails still had some signs of the makeover. He had trimmed the nails and changed the hairstyle but it still looked fairly androgynous and the eye brows got raked backwards to make them look bigger. Bill started the staff meeting by congratulating Paul for his energy in working with the clients and taking such a huge risk. The others just joked about his legs being better than some of their clients or their ex-wives while one of the girls repeated her request for the breast forms. Paul never saw the photos until they went on the email newsletter but they all looked very good and he asked for copies.

When Paul finally made it to the client site the morning tea break was just finishing but several of the girls came and talked to him about the impact he made last week and said that he could join them for lunch anytime. Sean came down during the day and so did Tony, both of them showing a little too much female than they wanted to due to the conflict in who they were and who they wanted to be. Tony asked about drinks after work so he could talk to both of them about a small problem he had and needed their input so they booked Wednesday straight after work. Gary made sure he congratulated Paul on a fine effort especially since he was not part of the organization. By Wednesday the place had settled down except for the photo wall that was created in the foyer as part of the final wrap up for the fundraiser. The three girls featured quite heavily in several shots and the group shot was one they each requested for their own collections.

Wednesday came around quickly and as soon as work had finished the three went out for a quick bite to eat and a few drinks. Tony took awhile to come to the point but it was obviously quite an emotional thing for him to talk about as his voice was very shaky and he had to stop often before he could get it all out. He had battled with his feeling for many years and never really had any success talking to others about it but the last week had been so liberating to him and finishing was doubly hard as he had no one at home to talk with. Tony wanted to know what they thought about transitioning at work, the sex reassignment surgery could only be completed after living a full year as a woman. He had thought about the whole thing and could not come up with any reason why he should not make the change to what he had always wanted to be, a woman.

Kerry asked about the incident in the bar on Friday night and how he felt about the whole issue of men and dating. Sean had not known about it but thought it was better to keep quiet and ask later. Tony went through the range of options, single, lesbian, bi-sexual, and heterosexual, which it would be if he made a complete transition. Sean and Paul just sat and let Tony talk it through before they put in their two cents worth. It appeared that it would be the best time to make the jump since the last week had prepared everyone for the possibility of transitioning at work. Management would be supportive and the union already had a general policy of helping GLBT policy formation in the workplace. They offered ongoing support for him and recommended that he speak with the HR department quickly and get a timeframe for transitioning.

They both knew the old joke, what is the difference between a cross dresser and a transsexual? the answer being, about two years. It was a theme that had a large following on the chat forums and the sex question was one that caused the most controversy and discussion. The workplace policies had limited impact as the personal approach was by far the best way to go, an employee letter followed by support from the managers and HR department would help but looking like you fitted in was essential and Toni had proved she looked good. When Paul got home he told Janet all about Tony’s problem and how he would need supporting through the year.

Janet waited until they had got ready for bed before bringing up the obvious question, “would you want to transition” she asked. This was a question he had waited for her to ask every since she found out about Kerry and one that never got clearer in his head. To say yes could mean an end to their marriage, to say no would be a lie so he convinced himself that he had no firm idea. The concept was always enticing given how much he enjoyed “Kerry Time” but the loss of the love of Janet would be too high a loss to bear. If he could transition and keep Janet then he would see that as the best of both worlds but would Janet want to live in a lesbian relationship even with Paul. It was very late before the lights got turned off without the question being truly answered.

Sean had a very similar discussion when he got home but had to be more careful with his answers due to his wife’s tacit support as opposed to the agro she had been giving him for the last five years since she found him dressed in her clothes one night. He had been given chance to continue at home but never when she was around as long as he never changed his male appearance. When the three girls talked about their feelings it was Sarah that had the least to say about herself, it was as if things were just below the surface and she knew that pain would be involved. She had guidelines and rules and had agreed to stay within them even though it was screwing up her peace of mind.

During the night Paul remembered about Kate from the cosmetics shop and thought that being post-op she would be able to share with Toni some valuable insights. The next morning Paul sent an email to Tony asking about meeting Kate next Wednesday after work if Kate was free. The response came before Paul could finish checking his other private emails, yes please and do I have to wait till Wednesday. Paul sent an email directly to Kate outlining the situation with Toni and asked if she would be free for dinner on Wednesday evening, he CC’d Toni as well. Kate responded within a few hours and made one stipulation that Toni come and not Tony, if she had problems now then she would not be even close to making a transition. Kerry loved the idea, another night out to enjoy herself even if it was just to help Toni.

Tony had agreed to let Paul change at his place after work since he lived near the CBD and it was close to the restaurant Kate had chosen. On the Wednesday Paul arrived around 5:30pm with bag and clothes expecting to see Tony in normal work clothes but Toni had been ready since 4 o’clock, she had taken an early minute due to the excitement. Toni was like a little girl going on a date, giggly, nervous, talkative and also very very excited about what was finally happening for her. Kerry shaved applied her makeup and got dressed into a pair of jeans, boots, and green sweater with a broad belt and necklace to match. The look was casual and very respectable for a more mature woman that Kerry was rapidly becoming. Toni showed Kerry the letter she had written to the employees and the one to the manager in HR. The HR one had already been delivered and the other was ready to insert into the email system as soon as she was ready to start the transition. Kerry was shocked at the speed of Toni’s decisions not realizing how often she had planned this time.

A casual stroll down the road and they arrived just before Kate who kissed Kerry and complimented her on the casual look with the hairstyle and nails still very visible. Kerry introduced Toni who by this time was nearly wetting herself with excitement and Kate could tell it was going to be many question before the night was over. The girls talked for ages and eventually the waiter asked if they wanted anything else as they wanted to close up, the girls apologized paid the bill and left, still talking. The next day Toni sent Kate and Kerry an email asking about repeating the Wednesday night next week after she had talked to the HR department and management group. They both accepted and asked if Sarah could come as well since she had very limited time for herself.

On Friday Paul was standing in the kitchen area making a cup of tea when one of the women came in to make a cuppa as well. She seemed to hesitate until they were the only two in the kitchen and then asked if Paul and Tony had enjoyed their meal on Wednesday. Paul just looked at her wondering what to say and who else she had spoken to, this was the first time Kerry had been spotted outside of the known events and thought it could hurt her employment chances. Seeing the concern in Paul’s face the woman assured him that she had neither told anyone nor would in the future as she thought private lives should stay just that “Private”. Paul was still a little shocked but thanked her and went back to his desk without the cuppa, which he had to go back for.

The woman was just leaving and had to ask Paul “do you want to know why I won’t say anything?” Paul didn’t have to wait as she talked briefly about her son and “his problem” as she called it, a young lad trying to come to grips with his own sexuality and the battle within.

The interchange caused Paul to feel very insecure about some of the things he had done over the last few months and the impact on his life. It actually took several days for the doubts and feelings to settle down and it was only when Toni asked him “What part of yourself are you ashamed of?” and the realisation that she had to love herself first.

Toni had chosen a date to transition at work and it would be three weeks after the fundraiser finished and also the week after the combined weekend they had all planned to share at Jacky’s place in the hills. It would be a fitting end to Tony and a good welcome to Toni, Kate was also invited to go along and bring a partner if she wanted to.

The Wednesday evening session came around quickly and the three girls met at Toni’s place after work and again walked down to the restaurant to meet Kate after she finished work. The waiters greeted them all again, remembering them from the week before and asking if they would be staying until closing time with a smile on their faces. The girls laughed and said only if the service was good and they kept the wine flowing. Kate met Sarah for the first time and made sure she sat next to Toni knowing that she would have more questions to ask. As the meal was delivered the number of question that Toni had was surprisingly few so Kate asked her why she didn’t have many things to talk about. Toni talked for a while about making a choice to move ahead and was feeling very much at peace with all the decisions she had made including the date of transitioning since it was only a few days away.

It was Sarah that had the most questions for Kate and Toni, she wanted to know about how friends and family had reacted when Kate announced her decision and how many had stopped talking to her. Kate was a little subdued on this matter and told the girls about what true friends did and how others who could not cope stopped calling her or started making excuses for meeting, very few actually made any negative comments apart from one of her brothers that shouted about being gay and weird and not normal. He had taken two years before he spoke to her again and even now they had limited time together and only at family gatherings. The night finished early as they all had two more days of work and then a good weekend together.

Mary had planned a full menu for the weekend including brunch on Sunday morning at a local eatery, which would be followed by a picnic in the national park before going home. They all drove up there after work and Jacky showed them to their own rooms which had been decorated with flowers, fresh towels and chocolates on the bed. Kate arrived with her partner John who at this rate was going to be the only person dressed as a male surrounded by seven girls of mixed heritage. The girls each took time to unpack their clothes and layout their makeup before showering, shaving and getting dressed. It was planned to be casual on Friday night with drinks and cheese before a meal of salads and cold meats followed by cheesecake and dessert wine.

Mary appeared more relaxed compared to the last time they had met for dinner and she enjoyed taking control of the food and presentation which Jacky graciously let her do. As they each came down into the lounge Jacky handed them a drink and a special envelope containing a red card and a key to the front door. She explained that the red cards could be used at anytime they wanted to pass on any questions that got asked, this was going to be a safe weekend for everyone. Kerry had chosen her jeans, high boots and tight green/brown sweater with belt and matching necklace that she had worn out to dinner one Wednesday. Toni had chosen a short denim skirt with gold stretch sleeveless t-shirt and sneakers while Sarah wore a pair of light brown slacks and chocolate brown jumper and flats.

They all relaxed over dinner and dessert as the pressures of the week faded away and they started talking about the plans for the weekend. Saturday was going to be time to shop in one of the hills tourist towns and then relax or play tennis or even swim in the pool. A pair of bathers was not something any of the girls had thought about yet but there again it was an ideal place to look at it. Kerry didn’t think that a bikini would be appropriate without losing more weight but a one piece could be a consideration if she could find one without creating a stir in the shop. They all sat around talking about work, the fundraiser that had brought them each together and how they looked forward to their times together.

The thing they all appreciated was the chance to talk with someone else that understood what they each felt. Kerry also said that she enjoyed having “Her Time” where she could be herself while knowing that Janet supported or at least accepted the other side of who she was. Mary asked Janet how she could accept all the things that Kerry did without feeling hurt, Kerry chose to be quiet as she also wanted to know why Janet had accepted so much in the last few months. Janet told them about the bond of being married for so long and how she had a friend that she could talk to irrespective of what clothes he or she had on. The years of not knowing had initially hurt her but the thought of losing Paul forever was too great a pain to consider, Kerry was also a great shopper and made sure that she got to try on the latest fashion items even if she found them hard to take on board at times. Her makeup techniques had also improved and also her sense of feeling secure as the only risk to her marriage had been disarmed. The talking went on long into the night over a glass or two of Baileys or Port.

Saturday was a late start as the girls came down to breakfast wearing shorts and tops but with little makeup but still all looking very different to the normal male shells they had left behind at home. They had a few bits of toast or cereal and juice followed by black tea or coffee after all of the wine they had drunk last night. Janet and Mary had gone for a walk early in the day and came into the kitchen carrying some fresh flowers from a nearby property. They all sat around deciding which town to drive to so they could do some shopping and go for a walk, the group decision was split so two couples went one way and the other two the other way. Mary and Janet had chosen a town with a larger shopping centre and clothes shops as Kerry had mentioned buying a pair of bathers to go swimming in. Toni and Kate had decided on a smaller town and walking around a tourist area rather than shopping. It was agreed that since each couple had a front door key the only stipulation was dinner preparation at five, otherwise it was up to them to enjoy the time.

While Kerry drove the car with Sarah in the front, Janet and Mary sat in the back chatting about kids and work, Sarah just enjoyed being out and having Mary so happy for once. The Target store was in the centre of town and hence they parked in the car park and headed off to investigate the town centre. It was a fairly decent size town with several smallish shops doing a good trade for Saturday morning, a few tourist shops and cafes that had people in them having breakfast. As they walked around there were no laughs or pointing just people relaxing and minding their own business. Mary and Janet had found a sweet shop and entered to check out the offerings of chocolate and sugar, Kerry and Sarah trying hard to resist and lose weight so they could look better in their summer outfits in only a few weeks.

After a walk around the town they headed into Target and the swimsuit section, Janet took the lead and chose a pair that she thought would look OK for Kerry, not quite what Kerry had in mind but very comfortable. Mary was tempted to pick a pair for Sarah, at least they had more colour and less material than Janet’s choice thought Sarah. Kerry and Sarah had been looking at bikinis trying to make a choice from flimsy bits of cloth that would not cover their extra parts, good idea but no way this side of an operation they agreed. Back to one piece bathers they said and looked at the girls choices, Kerry deciding that more colour and less material, more like Sarah’s pair. They both selected a matching pair and headed into the change rooms, which luckily consisted of individual stalls which they chose next to each other. A glance at the sign about wearing underwear when trying on bathers was noted, not that they intended on removing their gaffs.

The bathers fitted without letting much flesh fall out so they got dressed and headed back out of the change rooms to find the women who had been looking at the new season’s specials. The style was going to be simple designs and single coloured tops that could be layered to add variety, easy to mix and match but also quick to go out of fashion. Kerry picked up a summer dress with small belt in the same material, red and orange flowers on a white background with short sleeves. The dress had a flair that would make it stand out from her legs and swirl around as she walked but at $129 it was more than she had wanted to spend. With a small white woollen jacket it could be used even after dark in summer but that would be an extra $49 and of course a new pair of shoes and handbag to match would bring it to over $240. They each left with just bathers and headed for a coffee shop in the main street and some lunch.

The others had found a pleasant town with shops in the main street and no multinational supermarkets to drain the local economy or business owners that had supported the community for years. Likewise they found themselves sitting in a café for lunch and ended up talking for over two hours before they decided to return to the house. By the time they got back to the house the others had changed and were swimming in the pool, Kerry and Sarah in matching bathers. The girls all sat around the pool after swimming and enjoyed just soaking up the sunshine and talked about shopping and the towns they had gone to. The afternoon had just seemed to vanish as Mary looked at her watch and said it was time to prepare the evening meal and she needed some help, Janet and Kerry offered so headed off to the kitchen while the others laid out the table. The menu was going to be a prawn salad entrée, followed by Thai red curry on a bed of rice and then instant crá¨me caramels and whipped cream.

The evening meal was planned as formal wear so after preparing the meal and room everyone disappeared to their rooms to get ready, Kerry had bought a new gown made from dark green silk and lace that she found at the op-shop saying that she would wear it to the dinner event. As people came down to the dining room Jacky handed them a corsage for the girls and a button hole for John. The table had been bathed in gentle candles and a centre piece of eight long stem roses, around the room was subdued lighting and music that was loud enough to hear but soft enough to talk over. At one end there was a small painting easel with pictures of Tony through all of his lifetime from childhood until Saturday afternoon. They were served with glasses of wine and small pieces of cheese as they waited for the last person to come down, Tony.

Jacky declared that the evening would be in two parts, a farewell to Tony and a welcoming of Toni. Tony walked into the room dressed in a dark grey suit with white shirt and bow tie, a button hole flower being pinned on his lapel. The meal started with the prawn salad as Jacky started with stories of Tony’s childhood and his growing up, stories of school plays where he had roles as Angels and girls. His life as a university student and the pranks they got up to including student reviews where the entire cast was male and played both male and female parts, no prizes for guessing what Tony played all the time.

The main course was served along with wine and breads and of course the continuing stories from Jacky about Tony’s early working life and the ultimate discovery of his transgenderism and the pain of struggling with discovery and rejection at work and at home. The ridicule through the professional ranks as his employer made it known to others that he was no longer working with them due to doubtful lifestyle choices. The family found it easy to understand his problem but coming to grips with his choice was difficult for many of them including his brother. The usual drag queen stereotype comments and questions of his sexuality followed as he tried to talk about the problem in a personal way, it was something that he felt rather than needed psychological treatment for. Jacky talked about her own doubts and fears with the news until she sat and asked Tony exactly what he wanted to be, he had answered “the woman I know I was meant to be.” Jacky said that she loved her brother and had seen the hurt but also the hope that had grown in the last year and especially the last couple of months. Tony excused himself as Jacky went into the kitchen to bring out the desserts and dessert wine. While Tony was absent the group ate their dessert and talked about all the things that Tony and Toni had done over the years.

It was at least 30 minutes before there was a knock at the door, Jacky asked everyone to stand and welcome Toni into the world. She wore a stunning white gown that flowed like a wedding dress but without the train, as she entered they all turned to admire the dress and could not miss the absolute joy on her face. One by one they took time to give her a hug or kiss and welcome her to the dinner table. They had agreed to say goodbye to Tony and welcome Toni along with offering their support for the coming year of real life test and then the SRS if she decided to go on with it. It was now only 38 hours until the change began in earnest but it had already started as far as this group was concerned and especially Toni.

The party went on into the early hours of the night and as they all sat around Kerry got time to talk with Toni, the joy was obvious but so was her concern about being rejected at work on Monday. The pain from the last employer was still very real and close to the surface but she hoped that this time it would be different. Kerry could easily identify with the hurt from previous employers, her own pain was normally just below the surface, in fact these last few months had been different and she only thought about it when prompted. Not only had the organization been prepared with information and the letter to each employee that had been sent out on Wednesday but they also had very well defined policies to protect people. The email informed people that if they had any questions they could talk to their managers, HR department or Tony. There was nothing they could do for her except be there to talk and support her when the times got hard.

On Sunday morning they went down to the kitchen in dribs and drabs wearing various types of PJ’s, nighties and t-shirts to drink tea or coffee and just sit around. They had planned a late breakfast at a nearby town but wanted to just take their time and relax so it was nearly eleven o’clock before they got to the café. Kerry wore the jeans again with a white tank top covered by a blue denim jacket and high heel shoes that showed her red toenails that matched her fingernails. Around her neck was a new necklace in the shape of a heart with small diamonds on them to make it sparkle, the matching earrings completed a casual look that was dressed up for chic. The others had also made an effort to keep it simple but still enjoy the fun of dressing up and going out.

The café was large enough that they could have a decent sized table and still be away from others for some privacy while having a good view of the hills and everyone walking around the town. Brunch, as it was rapidly becoming, was relaxing and apart from John the girls all chose wisely, low calorie count stuff such as yoghurt, fruit salad, muesli and juices followed by tea and coffee. Kerry was far more concerned with her waistline now that she was out of prison than Paul had ever been.

As the lunch time crowd started filtering into the café it was time for another walk to check out the township, it was small enough that it would only take an hour if they walked slowly and none of them had any reason to rush. Toni had chosen a very summery dress which bounced around as she walked down the road, the last day as Tony and not a visible care in the world although inside she was starting to get nervous. They took their time and checked out the local antique stores and even a second hand clothes shop that was surprisingly good quality, but none of the girls felt like shopping for once.

Hillside towns each had a special flavour, this one was more olde world artefacts like the antiques and clothes that had real appeal for the new retro look that was being sought after. The small group wondered along in twos, threes or by themselves, each person comfortable with who they were and what they were doing until they reached the end of the street where the cars had been left. The plan was to go into one of the national parks and have a picnic but everyone was feeling very contented after a late breakfast so they opted for returning to the “Manor” as they had nicknamed it, the picnic could wait.

Back at the house they thought about packing their cases ready for returning but the resistance was too much so they just left them. The three girls had enjoyed themselves so much, in fact they all had enjoyed the time of chatting, eating and just relaxing without the pressures of the work they all knew was waiting for them back home in the inboxes of all of their computers. Jacky was a photographer and designer and due to a good work situation could schedule days off without any trouble, Toni being a graphic artist had done some work for her on a freelance basis and was finding more work outside the workplace. They had often talked about going into business together put had not found anything that could make money and give the lifestyle they each wanted.

“What about the B&B as a financial stop gap” suggested Kerry, or was that Paul’s brain working in his normal way? There were so many B&B’s in the area they had decided it would be hard to find a niche.

Sarah suddenly said “I would come back anytime if I could bring my clothes” causing much frowning on Sarah's face.

The others sat there just chuckling but then Toni stood up and left the room, returning shortly with a drawing book and pencils as if he had an artistic attack coming on. What about “Tranny Manor, as you have called the place, a time away from the pressure where you can be you” she said.

Kerry told them about the photo shoot in Sydney and the fun she had finding out what she looked like, Sarah had always wanted to do the same but had never had the nerve to follow through. Jacky was suddenly energized and started talking about the racks of clothes she had accumulated over the years that she could not throw out, the closet full of shoes and makeup from photo shoots she had worked on. Janet and Mary also said how many clothes they had acquired but never worn or simply changed their minds about wearing after getting them home. An hour later and Toni had finished a picture of the group all sitting around with an advertising splash over the top saying “for the manor born, a place where you can find yourself”. It was an interesting exercise and one day it could come true but it was not the group's decision to make.

By three o’clock they decided that a picnic in the park was not going to happen but one in the gardens would be easier to handle so grabbing the picnic rugs and hampers they went around to the tennis court and set up the picnic.

The food was laid out as Jacky brought out the tennis rackets and balls, “mixed couples” she said, “ain’t that the truth” laughed Sarah. Janet and Kerry grabbed the rackets and challenged Sarah and Mary to a few quick games, none of them had played tennis for years let alone in a skirt. It was definitely a bare feet game as bodies fell on the lawn surface and crashed into the net, plenty of laughter and some really bad score keeping. Food was almost an afterthought as they just enjoyed the early summer sun and warmth late into the afternoon before packing up and going inside. Each person packed their bags and went back into the lounge area carrying a small gift, no one wanted to leave but they all knew the next day was going to be full on for Toni. Kerry called them all together and took time to thank Jacky for the great weekend and allowing them to relax and enjoy their time together. She handed a small gift to Jacky then one by one they each gave her a gift, a hug and kiss. The time had been great and for Sarah had been the first time she had spent more than a day en-femme, one that would be hard to forget.

The drive home was only short but Janet and Kerry talked all the way as they had had little time alone during the weekend and Janet was missing her time with Paul. Janet wandered if Paul had changed his mind about being Kerry full time after talking with Toni and Sarah so much over the weekend. The thought was always there in Paul’s mind but the negatives always seemed to outweigh the positives, today was not a good day to ask the question though and made half feeble comments that may have eased Janet’s mind, or not. The next day was going to be hard as Kerry came to terms with not being visible while Toni made a major step forward with her transition. Toni had been taking mail order hormones for the last six months but would be going on prescription hormones and much greater strength as the doctor monitored the changes. The usual testosterone blockers and progesterone and oestrogen boosters to thin her waist and reduce body hair while helping breast growth although implants would be done early in the new year. Facial surgery would make some small changes to hairline, cheekbones and jaw line but that would not be until late in the year due to the cost.

Some of the members of Toni’s section had decided to support her by going to work on Monday in the same outfits they wore for the fundraiser without letting her know. As Toni arrived for work they had formed a guard of honour for her to enter the work area and others had come along to show their support, it was going to be much better than she had expected. The managers came around during the next week to demonstrate acceptance but also to make sure there would be no claims of harassment from Toni.

By the end of the week Toni was feeling very relaxed in her time at work but not so sure about her living area, it was fairly confined and she had no real support apart from the girls and Jacky and felt she needed more. Toni called Kate to see if she could have a chat about her feelings, she could only make it after work on Saturday but promised to come around just after 2pm. Kerry phoned her after work on Friday and asked how the week had finished, Toni could not hold it in and started pouring out her fears and doubts over the phone. Kerry suggested that she come around for dinner and bring a change of clothes if she wanted to stay overnight then called Janet to say that they had a guest for dinner. This is what offering support would come down to for the next year as Toni made the changes in her life and living conditions.

The next two weeks got better for Toni as work settled back into the normal pace of project meetings, production deadlines and programme delivery. The graphics department was geared for Christmas campaigns but already had the midsummer decline campaign in the planning phase. Toni was still feeling unsure about her unit so when Jacky made the suggestion of her moving in it took around one second to think and accept. The rental income would also give her a cash boost to pay for the Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS) and Facial Feminisation Surgery (FFS) as well as the recovery period after the surgery. Toni would pay a small rent and half of all bills but the cashstream would make transitioning much easier for her along with the companionship from Jacky.

As Christmas approached the girls had a Wednesday night meal together after work with Kate at their normal café. Jacky had made another offer of using her place for a weekend retreat just prior to Christmas, a chance for a celebration. They each called home on their mobiles and asked their partners if they had anything else planned before the group agreed on the weekend before the 25th. Toni had already sold her unit and would have moved in by the time the weekend came around so it would be Sarah, Mary, Janet and Kerry for the stay over as Kate had to work all weekend until Christmas eve. The rest of the night was all just talk about how Toni was going with the new hormones, had her breasts started changing, was anything shrinking etc. Her moods had been wilder than normal and she had found herself crying while watching movies on tele but nothing unexpected.

To be Continued .... A new girl comes forth

Please let me know what you think of this, good bad or ugly. I promise not to cry for too long - Kerry

As things return to normal after the Cross Dress for Red Cross ball a mother seeks help for her confused son and also for herself. University can be a trying place in both meanings of the word, a time for new things and stressful as well.

Paul was visiting the client site one Thursday when a woman came up to him and asked if she could talk to him in private, he remembered it was the same woman that had spoken to him about her son. Sue opened a door into a spare interview room with glass panels and offered Paul a seat as she put a folder on the table. Sue told Paul about her son again and asked if there was anyone he could talk to that would help him. Paul had assumed it was related to homosexuality but it turned out to be gender issues instead and her son was nearly twenty years old and studying at university. Sue had found him wearing her clothes one day and since then he had made no comment about it but had started being very secretive about where he was going and never seemed to have any money left. Paul remembered the pattern but had little ability in counselling anyone about being TG let alone a young person. Sue put several printed sheets from the internet on the table and slid them towards Paul. They included the typical TG medical comments from specialists and forum groups that she had found in the history folder of Internet Explorer on the family computer. Sue had a better than average understanding of the concepts but no contact with any TG people to ask for help until she saw the girls at work then at dinner on Wednesday night after the event, finally putting things together. Paul offered to talk with her son and her if they wanted but only if they both agreed. It was two days before she rang Paul’s mobile and asked about the next evening which was surprisingly free for Paul who asked if Kerry and Toni could come along.

As they drove up to the house the next night the girls had agreed to let Kerry take the lead and Toni would add help with questions. Sue answered the door and led the girls into the lounge where her son, Graham was sitting with his arms crossed until they walked in, clearly not happy to be there. Sue introduced the girls and Graham stood to shake their hands and then his face changed as he saw two very well presented girls instead of guys in dresses. Sue went off to make drinks while Graham offered them seats, Kerry saw that he had questions running through his head that were ready to burst out at any minute but suggested that he wait for Sue to come back so that they could all hear the same things.

After the drinks had been served Kerry asked Graham to just talk about how he was feeling about himself without asking questions. He found it slow going as Sue was listening but Kerry thought that without a father in the picture Sue needed to be present for their protection. Graham talked about being outside of the gang at school and never enjoying the typical guy things, having doubts about being a girl in the wrong body, then finding the soft touch of his mother’s clothes and the rest he said was history, albeit very recent history. Kerry and Toni recognised the pattern of limited male role modelling, relating with females more than males and the one that every TG seemed to come up with, the moment they touched the wrong side of the wardrobe. Graham then asked the girls how they had got started, it was a very similar story for Toni and Kerry except to current situation, Toni was transitioning Kerry wasn’t, yet.

Kerry took the lead again and asked Graham how far he had gone with dressing but got very little from Graham due to Sue’s presence. “Graham, it may be hard to talk about this but at the moment your mother has more fears due to the unknown, it would help to reduce her fears if you can let her know” said Kerry.

“How many clothes have you got” asked Kerry, “not many, just a few bits from the op-shop bag mum had meant to put out” started Graham. “What about underwear” asked Kerry.

“Just some undies and an old bra” Graham slowly said reluctant to mention the unmentionables. “I do have some nice shoes though and of course I bought some really nice pantyhose from Woollies last week” Graham’s tone lifting slightly.

“Have you thought about a suspender belt and stockings” asked Toni who just had to be involved. Sue wondered why men would want to wear something that she had gladly stopped wearing over twenty years ago when pantyhose became the norm. Graham’s face had lit up as Toni also mentioned the corset that Kerry had bought a few months ago at a very low price of $45 or so. Sue just sat here and listened as the three went through the types of clothing and underwear, shoes and hosiery, makeup and wigs.

Graham had taken all of the gear and moved them into a spare room at a university friend’s house where he had a key and opportunity to come and go as he pleased. The set up was far from good as the house held regular parties that were not his scene and he said so in front of his mum. Kerry wanted to find out how far Graham was thinking of going as the approach would change with the destination, so she asked outright “where do you think this will end?”

Graham thought for a while then looked at Sue as if wondering how she would take it. He only knew what he liked and not how it was working out, the secretive actions and not being able to talk with his mum. Sue moved closer and held his hand as his face lowered and he stared at her asking for help with the wet eyes that had filled his face.

Sue had a moment to think then said “You are my own flesh and blood, I gave birth to you as Graham but if you want to become a girl I would rather have a daughter than no one at all, it is all your choice I will love you whatever happens”

Her language was stilted but she had never thought of losing her son and was not sure how to say that she loved her son so much and had felt the pain of not being able to talk to him about a critical area of his life. The girls left them talking for a while then Toni’s phone rang, it was Jacky wanting to know how it had gone assuming that the talk would have been over by now. When Toni rejoined the group the mother and son were sitting very close together on the settee holding hands with a pile of tissues on the table. Kerry had gone into the kitchen and put the kettle on again to give them space, she was returning with fresh drinks for everyone.

Jacky and Toni had already made some changes at the Manor and set aside a backroom as a wardrobe and dressing room, the bedrooms had been left intact with the older style furniture and artworks except for Toni’s room that contained his computer equipment and work area. As the four settled down with their new drinks Kerry asked how Sue felt if Graham moved his gear back home, would she let him dress around the house? Sue had only one child due to a failed teenage marriage and feared losing the only joy in her life so the choice was an easy one to make, today at least, Graham hugged her again. Toni asked Graham if he had read about Makeovers on the web and if he had thought of having one? Graham had read about people that included them in their biographies but hadn’t read about them in Australia.

Kerry suddenly realized where Toni was going, “how would you like to have one this weekend?” asked Toni.

“How, where, how much” was all Graham could get out, Toni told them about the Manor and the offer that Jacky had just made over the mobile phone. Sue and Graham could come up for the Saturday afternoon and stay for dinner if they wanted as test dummies for the new venture they had planned. Sue took the lead for once and said that she would love to come with Graham and be part of the action if Graham wanted her there. Graham would have to bring his own lingerie but apart from that the cost would be nothing, something a uni student appreciated.

Toni gave them the address and said that 2pm would be fine and could Graham have a really good shave before coming up to the Manor. Sue was still holding her son’s hand as they walked to the door to let the girls out; she thanked them both for helping them and closed the door. Kerry and Toni drove back to Toni’s unit in the city talking about the Manor and what had been planned, Kerry was invited but it would depend on Janet’s workload and calendar.

Sue and Graham spent the next day talking about so much as Graham moved his gear back into the home and into the spare bedroom. Sue looked at the sad collection of clothes he had and decided that two things had to happen, she took him into her room and sat him on the bed, “what do you like in my wardrobe?” she asked.

He liked the simpler designs but also the brighter multi layered effect that was becoming so common this year. Sue dragged out some clothes from a separate wardrobe, the one that she had outgrown and thought could still fit Graham who was smaller than her. “You can have all of these if you want” said Sue. Graham could not help but hug his mother and then started to go through the wardrobe, something he had done regularly while Sue was at work. He knew exactly what fitted and what looked good on him.

Sue then said that he needed to have some nice underwear if he was going to have a makeover and photo shoot. She asked about having a shopping day on Thursday, which was a rostered day off (RDO) for her, he was at the end of this year's exams so it was only his summer work that could make a difference. Graham asked how they could buy stuff without him trying it on or drawing attention to himself, Sue had thought about it and suggested that she do all of the talking and say that she was shopping for her twin daughter that was coming home after losing her belongings in a civil war in Africa, Graham was there just for size as his sister was the same build when she had left. Sue asked Graham what name he wanted to be called when he was en-femme, Graham had thought about this before and decided keeping the initials the same would help so he chose Grace since he thought he would also need some.

On Thursday Graham and Sue took time getting ready to shop, Graham had already started to think about the weekend and had made a list of things he wanted to buy including new shoes. The plan was to go to another suburb and find a department store for the basics and then try the local chain stores for some specials and then the specialist stores for the unusual things that Sue had planned without Graham knowing about. The department store had bulk underwear on special, 25% off, Sue’s concept of underwear and Graham’s was different but Graham kept quiet being too nervous to say anything.

Sue saw the lack of interest as being shyness until she walked over to the dresses when Graham suddenly chose a nice summer outfit and said “Grace would probably look good in this.”

Sue mentioned that it would be a good choice if Grace had some nice shoes to go with it, “and probably some nice underwear” said Graham.

Sue just looked at him and then decided to go back into the lingerie section, “what do you think Grace would like?” she asked. He reached into the pile of silk pants, bra and camisole sets and chose a nice pale pink set. Sue got the idea and selected a few more bits while Graham had walked off to look at nighties. As he returned he held up a set of baby dolls that had “Grace” written on them in sprinkles.

“I think Grace would look cute in these” he said as he smiled. By the end of an hour they had underwear and a summer outfit along with some basic makeup supplies and a set of stick on nails. The shoes section had not created any excitement for Grace, who was trying to get involved in the decision making so it would be off to a shoe store but more risk for Graham.

The shoe shop was empty but very visible from the main mall area and Graham froze as he recognized one of his uni classmates serving in the shop. Too late, Sue had already entered and was looking at shoes when the young girl came up and asked if she needed help.

Graham stepped up quickly and said “Hi Jen, this is my mum we are shopping for my sister, Grace”, yes it sounded corny but he was spooked. Sue covered and talked about Grace coming home from Africa and losing all of her clothes, just as they had discussed.

Jen asked what size she was and what style would she need “she was a size 9 before she left so I guess that she hasn’t changed” said Sue. They bought a pair of white low heels, a pair of black 2” heels and a pair of sneakers that had yellow edging around the top.

Paying for them Sue headed for the car with their shopping bags and shoes., while Graham wanted to know if they had finished for the day. At the car Sue explained that they needed to try on the sizes before they bought some of the other things she had planned and after all it was lunchtime. As they got home Sue told Graham to go into the bedroom and try on one set of underwear and the dress and shoes, fancy being told by your mum to dress up, a dream come true for Graham. The bra was loose but then he would need padding, the nickers and camisole were about right, he stepped into the dress slid the zip up to the top as he looked in the mirror to see the effect of turning around. Then he slipped the black shoes on and felt the change in his calf muscles, the look was still of a guy in a dress but he could feel the excitement building up.

Sue knocked on the door and asked if she could come in, Graham had expected this at some time today but was he ready for it? Sue came in and checked the fit and length of the dress without comment, the shoes fitted well but the bra definitely needed something extra, and so did the legs.
Sue left the room and came back in with a blonde wig in her hands “this is something I bought for a party years ago and never thought it would be used again” she handed it to Graham. He put it on his head, she had also brought a pair of cheap foam breast forms and told Graham how to put them in place and left the room. The image in the mirror took another major change and his excitement climbed again.

Sue called to him to follow her into her bedroom and sit at her dressing table, she turned the makeup lights on and Graham had a fair idea what was about to happen, however Sue made him turn away from the mirror. She started with a coat of moisturiser to prepare the face and then a solid cover of foundation to make a blank canvas that would carry the masterpiece. Graham’s eyes were brown and with light eye brows they could be easily made to appear to be a different shape by using colour so the eye brows had a darker brown and given an arch. The eye liner made an outline that drew attention to the brown eyes and held the viewers attention. Sue gave Grace a coat of blusher on the cheek bones and then her lipstick, just a gentle colour to highlight the mouth. After around 30 minutes the face that looked back from the mirror was only slightly noticeable as Graham but Grace was by far the dominant feature.

Sue stepped out of the room to let her son come to terms with the new face that was obviously far more than he had done before. She made a cuppa and some sandwiches before calling to Grace that lunch was ready and to come out into the kitchen. As Grace stepped through the door Sue saw a complete change in her flesh and blood, she now had a daughter that looked very good and surprisingly confident. Sue got her to turn around and show off the outfit and shoes before sitting down with a thump, another thing to work on she thought.

Sue looked at her new daughter and the thoughts of the birth of Graham came easily to her mind, the feeling of disappointment when the doctor said about her healthy little boy. Her partner had left just before the birth saying that he had made a mistake and could not handle a family, since then she had not seen or heard from him. Bringing up her son was hard and they often had to go without but they had each other and that was the most important thing.

Lunch was over quickly and Sue asked about finishing the shopping episode, Grace stood up to get changed but Sue stopped her and said “there’s no need to change you look fine and it will make shopping easier.”

Panic attack, sweat, shaking and just about wetting himself, Graham stood hoping for his mum to say “just joking” but she wasn’t. “Do you want to do this or not, it’s your decision, in or out?” she told him, “you look every part like a normal young woman, even I would have trouble picking you.”

Grace wanted to go out but Graham wanted to stay safe, Sue grabbed her bag and a spare one for Grace and picked up the car keys, “come on you’ll be fine I’ll look after you” she said. If he could split in two it would have happened at that moment, Grace won the argument and they headed or the car.

As she drove back to the suburb where they had been shopping Sue told Grace all about the things she needed to watch and mimic, how to get out of the car, how to walk, how to carry the bag. The best advice she gave her was to copy the other girls and then she would just blend in, most people did not see others when they shopped. University was on summer break for the next 3 months but the schools still had a couple of weeks to go so floor traffic was still fairly low for the start of December. Sue parked the car in an area near the outside shops so they could walk around outside while Grace got her legs, so to speak. Grace opened the car door and stepped out just like Graham would, Sue resisted saying anything but would bring it up later. Looking around Grace could see several hundred people that she was sure were all looking directly at her, Sue saw a few dozen people walking around only looking in windows or talking to each other. She handed Grace the handbag that she had left in the car and took her by the arm to lead her towards the shops, her plan was to just walk and window shop and let Grace feel at ease before going inside the mall.

Over the next ten minutes Sue gave a running commentary on how to walk like a lady, made Grace look in the windows and check the reflections to prove that no one cared less. Grace began to relax and eventually started to look at what was in the window rather than just stare at the image on the glass. After several minutes Sue had steered them to one of the mall entrances, Grace had been talking about what she wanted to look at and didn’t notice until she was inside the mall.

Sue had made a mental list of the things Grace would need over the next few months of Uni holidays, more underwear, shoes, skirts, tops, a pair of jeans, this was going to be fun for her as well as Grace. They went back to the department store and headed back to the lingerie section and selected some more bits that Grace liked. The skirts were more mature than Grace wanted and said as much but the variety of tops and her total lack of anything made shopping easy. A quick look at the longer dresses and Grace chose a really nice pale blue and dark blue splashes that made her look thinner due to the belt that created a tighter waste. Sue chose a sweater and cardigan that would go with it and Grace selected another much shorter black dress with halter neck top and plunging back, everyone needs an LBD. By the time they got to the checkouts they had a substantial pile of clothes and Sue’s credit card was about to take a battering but her joy at finally seeing her daughter was outweighing the cost.

They had several bags and Sue suggested that they drop them off into the car before continuing their shopping day. Several minutes later they had returned and started walking down the mall, Grace entered Westcoast, a shop that sold far more modern clothing, jeans and tops. Sue told the assistant that they just wanted to look for a while so they could talk about the choices Grace made, denim short skirt, tight t-shirt, a pair of jeans that would sit on her hips and loose long sleeved top with ties that would go just under her bust. Grace headed for the change rooms with Sue nearby asking to see them on her, the rooms had individual doors and a common area for walking around in so Grace felt fairly safe.

The denim skirt and T-shirt were the first she wanted to try on so she carefully took off the dress making sure she didn’t smudge her makeup of knock the wig off. Opening the changing room door and stepping into the common area Sue saw a young girl that would have to be watched, good legs and nice shape, even if most of it was padding. The smile of Grace’s face showed she liked the outfit so Sue told her to try on the other bits, another few minutes and then a stunning young girl appeared again. With the right shoes both outfits would be fantastic so while Grace finished getting dressed and checking her makeup Sue made the purchases and waited for her daughter.

There were several shoe shops in the centre so they avoided the one that Jen worked in and headed for another one, different names same shoes, better prices. Grace was getting the hang of shopping and had relaxed enough to just go and look at anything she was interested in buying rather than wait for Sue to choose stuff. Grace wanted a pair of 3” heeled strappy shoes that would make her look good in the jeans as well as a pair of boots to wear on his bike with the jeans. A young girl came up asking if she could be of any help, she looked at Grace as if something was not quite right.

“Sorry to stare but did you go to the local high school a few years ago?” she asked Grace. It was then that the penny dropped for Graham, this was a girl that he had gone out with once or twice. Sue heard the dialogue and waited to see how Grace would react.

“I’ve only just arrived here, you must be thinking of someone else, sorry” Grace said only half convincingly.

The girl dropped the question and asked what size she needed and if there was any particular design that caught her fancy. Sue breathed again, her daughter had survived a full frontal assault and kept her calm. Grace pointed out the boots she wanted to try on and the girl went off to get them out of the storeroom as Sue sat down next to Grace and took hold of her shaking arm.

“Just keep going, you look fine” Sue told her and kept hold of her arm as Grace slipped the white shoes off ready for the boots. The boots came halfway up the leg and with a dress on looked off but the fit was good and when she stood up the extra heel height made her legs stretch and she felt herself leaning backwards to balance. Sue asked the young shop assistant to get Grace a pair of black 3.5” patent shoes to match the LBD that Grace had bought earlier.

Grace stood up again and walked around carefully, it became easier and she gained her footings but the look was not good. Grace asked if she could go and get changed into the jeans and top so that she could try on the boots, she grabbed the clothes bag and headed off to the toilets. She found the family toilet that was also the disabled toilet and chose to use it rather than risk the ladies. Once inside she quickly changed into the jeans and loose top, checked her hair and returned to the shoe shop. Sue was amazed at the growing confidence level of Grace and how quickly she was making the change. The boots looked much better with the jeans and top so this was an easy choice, the black heels also looked good with jeans but she still wanted a pair of wedges or sandals with heels that would show off her polished toes. Still wearing the black shoes she went for a walk around the shop looking but not quite finding what she wanted, they still had another four shops to try so it wasn’t the end of the world.

Sue paid for the boots and black pair while Grace opted to keep them on for the rest of the shopping trip little knowing how much her legs and feet would be hurting by the time they got home. Across the aisle was another shop with similar designs and after a quick look they left still looking for the elusive pair of sandals. Sue asked Grace about earrings since she had one it would look better with two in each ear or at least one in each ear. Grace had no problems with the suggestion and so headed into one of the smaller accessory shops that had piercing on offer. Grace had always wanted more than a single stud but had wondered about being seen as gay, which he wasn’t, just slightly confused in his gender.

With a nice pair of earrings in place and studs in the second pair of holes they left the shop with some small items of jewellery and a belt that would match the jeans and one of the tops they had bought in the morning. Sue was quite pleased with the type of clothes Grace had chosen, they would all mix and match, except for that very very short denim skirt. Sue asked if it was time for a cuppa yet as they had been out for over two hours so they found a small coffee shop and ordered Latte’s and sat at a table. Sue asked Grace how she was going with everything; the smile on her face said far more than Sue heard. Grace told her that this was something she had wanted to do for over six years since she had understood the situation with her feelings of needing to dress up. Sue just listened as Grace talked about her love of clothes and shoes that was now being released since the girls had come around and talked to both of them about being TG and coping with the feelings. Sue was really enjoying her time out with Grace and said so, that made Grace feel happier as she was unsure of how her mum was handling seeing her son change so much.

They finished their drinks and were about to stand up to continue shopping as Jen came into the coffee shop for a take away coffee and spotted them both. Jen stopped and said hello to Sue and was about to say hello to Grace, “are you Graham’s sister?” she asked Grace.

The change on her face made Graham freeze, she had seen straight through the makeup and clothes, “Graham, what are you doing, why, what” she had to sit down.

Jen was a good friend at Uni and would be going back next year to the same classes as Graham, there was no choice but to talk to her and try to get her onside. They talked for a few minutes then asked when she would be finished today and would she like to come around for dinner after work and they could talk without being overheard.

As Jen stood to leave she kissed Grace and said “it’s alright I won’t tell anyone, see you tonight at seven” and then she left.

Grace sat down heavily and slumped onto the table, Sue ordered another coffee for each of them so they could talk about Jen and how to handle it. The decision was to be upfront and let Jen ask questions afterwards, it would be a hard time but better handled in private than at Uni where Graham would be embarrassed.

The rest of the afternoon was mainly window shopping except Sue went to her hair salon and asked about nails for Grace, it would be around $80 for them and Sue wanted to know how long Grace would be able to keep them on but it would look good for the makeover on Saturday afternoon at the Manor. An hour later Grace had a set of Acrylics that were painted with bright pink and so were her toes, a matching set that would look good with the sandals if she ever found them.

On the way out they walked past Jen’s shop and spotted her looking out of the shop, she waved them into the shop to talk. Jen took hold of Grace’s hand and said how she loved the new nails, then asked her what sort of shoes she was looking for. Jen then disappeared out back and came out with a pair of gold trimmed wedges that had ankle straps and about 3” heels, she made Grace sit down and fitted the shoes on her feet and did up the straps just like any other female client. The jeans sat just on the top of the shoes and Grace had the look she wanted, the price was around $99 but Jen told her not to think about the price as she had managers discount privileges. As Sue paid for the shoes Jen said that she was looking forward to dinner with Grace and waved goodbye. Grace felt much better as they left the shopping centre for the car park and a trip home.

Sue went via one of the smaller shopping areas because she knew that a specialist shop had opened a few years back but one that she hoped she would ever have to use. The shop was in a medical area and dealt with the needs of ladies that had been treated for breast surgery and provided breast forms that could be used fulltime. Pulling up outside she asked Grace if she wanted to come in but she declined the offer, too much too soon she thought. Sue went into the shop and talked with the sales staff, several minutes later she came out carrying a bag that was sealed, she put it into the backseat and drove home.

They pulled into their parking garage and slowly carried all of the bags into the house, making a decision not to add up the dockets was very smart thinking for Sue. Grace took all of the bags into the spare room that was now set aside for her use, the wardrobe was slowly filling up and the dresser drawers starting to fill up with all sorts of frilly and silky items. She laid out the makeup and jewellery things on the dresser top and had to keep reminding herself about being careful with the nails she now had, as they would cause runs in the new pantyhose she had in the drawers. When everything had been unpacked and put out on the bed the only thing she felt was a sense of joy, the shoes, skirts, dresses and tops had been her choices and she knew that they would get plenty of wear.

Sue came into the room just in time to see Grace wiping away the tears from her face, Sue gave her a hug and they just stood there both crying tears of joy and release. Sue had started to pour a bath and told Grace to strip off everything and go into his bathroom and wait for her. With the wig off and only makeup existing Sue showed how to remove makeup and then handed over a bottle of hair removal cream, Graham had never been hairy and with very fair hair it wouldn’t show anyway. The instruction said apply to the hairy part, leave for ten minutes then stand under the shower, so he did just as it said. When he finally looked down at the plug hole it was clogged with fine blonde hair from all over his body and only his pubic area was sort of intact, he had gone too close and it looked more like a Mohawk than a triangle.

Sue called to see if she could come into the bathroom, he hung a towel around his waist as she entered, she had finished pouring a bath in her bathroom and told him to go and get into the warn water and relax for a while. The smell was Rose and the candles around the room gave a sense of the feminine nature she was adopting so Grace slipped back and relaxed n the water. Sue had added bubble bath lotion into the water and scented oil to the candles, the glass of wine Sue had left for him just completed the feelings. About half an hour later and the water was getting cold so Sue said that it was time to get out, dry and come into the spare room.

Sue had put a pair of pants in the bathroom for Grace to put on after the bath and to wear a bathrobe instead of the towel. As Grace came into the spare room she could see the surprise that Sue had bought for her at the specialist shop, a set of high quality breast forms and medical glue. Sue told her to lay down on the bed and open the bathrobe, she applied glue to the forms and very carefully placed the forms on Grace’s very smooth chest and told her not to move for 2 minutes. The glue would last for several days and even without a bra they would hold in place. Grace stood up and then felt the weight pull down her chest muscles and then bounce as she moved around. Sue told her to cover herself up and handed her a bra from the matching set, Graham had a basic idea about getting them off but not putting them on without a heap of effort so Sue gave her daughter advice. Sue handed her a small waist cincher from her own drawers and left the room reminding Grace to tuck everything away properly, which she knew about from the web.

Sue returned a few minutes later carrying her own makeup kit as Grace was looking in the mirror holding her new breasts, “nice girls don’t play with them dear” she laughed.

“But I have only just got them mum” said Grace and blushed slightly.

“Alright, what do you want to wear tonight when Jen comes around for dinner?” asked Sue. Grace had been thinking about the denim skirt but thought better of it she didn’t want to scare Jen away.

“How about a dress and the wedges, nice and comfortable and not over the top” suggested Sue.

“OK I’ll save the denim for another day” laughed Grace.

It took a full hour for Sue to tell Grace about applying makeup and how to hide basic male aspects of her face, then the wig was placed on her head and the earrings back into the ears. Grace wanted Sue to make her eyes more pronounced than during the day, then a final styling of the wig to suit her face and Sue thought it was time to reveal the new look and removed the cover from the mirror. Grace stood up and looked at herself in the full-length mirror, the legs looked longer the waist thinner, the face brighter, Grace abounded.

Sue had prepared a simple dinner for them and Jen, it included pasta and salad followed by a light cheesecake and some ginger biscuits with coffee. Jen arrived just before seven and knocked at the front door, Grace went and let her in still quite apprehensive about the night. Jen handed over a bottle of wine to Sue and thanked her for the invite for dinner, it was always a long day on Thursday and food was the last thing she took care of so an evening out was good. Over dinner they talked generally about Uni and the course they both were doing, what they expected for end of year grades and what they had planned after Uni. The job market was very good and they could make serious money in the right sector if they were prepared to fly in on a roster basis.

When dessert had been finished Grace felt she had to start the talk about the elephant in the room, her being in a dress. She started at the beginning and slowly covered the last six years and then the last week in detail and especially today. Jen just sat there and listened taking it all in without comment until Grace stopped and asked her what she thought about what was said. Jen grew up in a country school and had a friend that was gay and had been the brunt of many bad jokes during school until she finally committed suicide after too much pain. The school had kept it quiet and the media had been convinced to stay silent on the matter in an attempt to help the family come to terms with the loss and for the school to create policies that could help those in need of counselling. Jen was not put off by Grace and in fact related so well with Graham that the difference was only the clothes, somehow the clothes became a non-event. Jen said that she would love to have a friend that she could take shopping and go out for movies or dinner with especially one that looked as good as Grace.

Jen had only one question for Grace, “are you going to stay as Grace all summer break?” and “what about next year at Uni?” Neither Sue nor Grace had spoken about this even if Grace had silently made several plans today.

“What do you think, mum?” asked Grace.

Sue had dreaded this question but suddenly the look on her daughters face, the joy of the days shopping and seeing her come out of her shell the decision became easier.

“I am happy for Grace or Graham to live here, it is totally up to you dear” she said, “”you are free to choose, what about Grace until Uni goes back then you can decide how much Grace Time you have after that.” If the amount of joy in a person could be measured the scale would have been blown out as Grace hugged her mum.

Even Jen was effected and wanted desperately to hug Grace and show her support, she would have someone to go out with and talk with over the summer break without being hit on. Grace turned around to see Jen sitting there looking lost and naturally opened her arms to give Jen a hug, the tears flowed for many minutes as the pain of losing her friend came back and poured out. She had not really come to a point of letting go of all that happened at school since it was squashed so quickly and now it just flowed.

Over coffee they all talked about what Christmas had in store for them, Jen had to work both sides of Christmas day so travelling 1200km back to home was out of the question and she would probably just find a movie and eat at home. The noise of protest was nearly as loud as the sound of the joy metre being smashed earlier on, Sue would not hear of it and there would be a place at the table for her and a gift under the tree, she was expected to attend and that was that.

Jen had to work the next morning as did Sue so they cleared the table and Jen left by ten o’clock. It had been a long day for them all so Grace went and cleaned her makeup off and hung up all of her new clothes in the spare room. The baby dolls were the only things left out as she got ready for bed, Sue came into the room and found Grace minus makeup standing there in the nightwear and her new chest, she kissed her good night and went off to bed. Sleep comes easier when you are either exhausted or at peace, both applied tonight and Grace fell asleep very quickly. It wasn’t until Sue knocked on the door and said that she was on her way to work that Grace stirred and looked at the clock.

Summer break was meant for work experience but this year they had only vacancies for limited numbers in the town as all work had gone to the country sites. Graham had tried but found it easier to commit to extra studies instead based on home and Uni library work plans and it would give him the credits he needed to finish ahead of time. Around 9am Grace surfaced and went to look into the mirror to make sure the dream was real, the boobs still sat there and jiggled as she moved, the nails hurt as she scratched her male parts, no it wasn’t a dream just a dream come true.

A shower and shave then makeup time, after 30 minutes the face was a bad look and she decided to remove it and start again, three attempts and she finally had a face that was half real. The wig helped and when she went to the wardrobe it was the denim skirt that cried out for attention, tight t-shirt and boots made a very interesting image. The image was more like a young boys wet dream than a young woman, not really what she felt comfortable in if she had to answer the door. Grace changed into the jeans and a coloured top and the belt around her waist, black heels and earrings and she thought she was ready to do the housework. It was the agreement with Sue that every Friday was housework day and that meant Grace had to clean the house, do the washing and the shopping. The first two parts were easy and finished within four hours so after lunch Grace had a decision to make, change or shop by herself. Grace won out as Graham was slowly being tied up and left at home.

Instead of choosing the normal shopping centre Grace drove over to where Jen worked intending on dropping in to see her. It was Jen’s meal break as Grace arrived so they went off to the coffee shop and she ordered a sandwich and juice while Grace ordered coffee. Jen was obviously very happy to see Grace and said that she had trouble sleeping last night after all the things she had heard about Graham’s life and the birth of Grace. Jen wanted to thank Sue for inviting her to share Christmas with them and had sent a card in the post this morning before work.

“Who did your makeup today” she asked Grace, surprised that it was Grace’s first real attempt and told her that it was very subtle and made her look good. Grace had always enjoyed talking with Jen as she had a way of making people feel welcome and at ease, she would make a good production manager one day. Jen only had a short break but would finish work at 6pm and wanted to go out for drinks and a meal if Grace was game for it. Grace said that Jen would have to look after her if they got into trouble but agreed that it would be good to go out somewhere not too loud. Jen planned on wearing a short skirt, blouse, and heels and would pick up Grace at around 7pm she reminded her to change her makeup for evening wear as they might go out to a club afterwards.

Then Grace was on her own to do the food shopping and pay some bills at the post office. What to wear out was nagging her all the afternoon until she found herself looking into the window of a shop trying to see if they had anything worth buying. They had a mannequin dressed in a short black skirt and black semi translucent silk blouse that looked her size but it had no colour. Grace found herself inside just browsing around the racks and touching the clothes half dreaming and half looking at the clothes. An older sales person came up and asked if she saw anything she liked, it shook Grace out of the dream state and it took a few seconds to answer.

After a few trials she had chosen the black skirt a metallic one piece that looked like a pair of bathers but felt so good and a light grey cardigan and metallic belt. The look was very modern and Grace felt so totally female in it the only thing missing was matching handbag. As the sales staff finished adding it all up and packing it into the bag she asked for Grace’s credit card. Problem time, it was in the name of Graham and Grace hadn’t stopped to think about it until it was too late. The woman looked at the card then at Grace not sure if she should ask but decided that proper process was to ask. Grace went red and panicked, she looked as guilty as sin, as her mother would say. The only choice was to tell the truth and live another day, she said that her real name was Graham and the only way she could prove it was if the woman asked Jen in the shoe shop next door. Security could be there in two minutes if she was telling lies so she asked Grace to follow her next door to Jen’s shop.

When Jen saw Grace being almost escorted into her shop she knew something was up, the sales person explained that there had been an identity concern and could she confirm who the person was. Jen quietly said "that it was either Graham or Grace depending on what was being asked for and that she had known him for nearly two years at Uni."

The older woman just shook her head and said thank you and walked back next door with Grace following behind her. The docket was finalised and the card handed back. Grace was just a little shaken but had enough sense to ask if she could come back again without causing the same amount of trouble. The sale person looked at the docket value and decided that her commission on the sale was well worth the trouble and said to ask for her if she wanted to use that credit card again. Grace left carrying her first shopping purchases.

Grace quickly stepped into Jen’s store before going straight home, they would have to solve the card issue quickly before the police got called. By the time Sue arrived home from work her dinner was on the table, the house clean and Grace sitting in the bath soaking. Sue poured a drink from the fridge and knocked on the door to her own bathroom, Grace said she could come in as the bubbles covered everything real. It was an unusual sight to see Grace in the bath, boobs sticking out of the bubbles, makeup on but the wig sitting near the bath. The face that only a mother could love and Sue did love her son and daughter in whatever form they came.

Sue asked about how Grace had filled the day and listened to the story of the credit card and being rescued by Jen, and oh yeah, they had made plans for the night but would be home before it was too late. Sue went back into the kitchen and ate her dinner and waited for Grace to come out. She had time to eat, do the dishes and even listen to the evening news before Grace had finished getting ready. Sue’s jaw dropped as Grace came out in the short black skirt, the silver one piece, the grey cardigan, black high-heeled shoes and seemed stockings. The makeup was perfect and she had obviously been practicing today, the metallic belt and dangly earrings finished the look, ready for any young man, but that hopefully wasn’t the plan.

Jen arrived just before 7 pm and Sue let her come inside as Grace was just getting a bag to match the outfit, Grace had chosen one of Sue’s, emptied the contents, tissues, tampons, more tissues etc, five pens, one notebook, more tissues. No wonder they said this was a place that men should not go. Instead she put in a small packet of tissues, some change, one of her lipsticks, some powder, wallet and the mobile phone, much neater and less weight. Jen and Sue were chatting when Grace came out to the lounge room but Jen stopped dead in her tracks but then so did Grace, Jen was stunning in her own black skirt and gold top. Sue just thought of how damaging they could be together if she didn’t know her son but still felt like she had to warn them about being good.

They left in Jen’s car and headed for a local café that was close to a few popular nightclubs in the area. As they parked the car and walked up the road the occasional toot of a car horn made them giggle like schoolgirls out on the town. The café was only just filling so finding a table was no trouble, they chose one near the alfresco area and placed their orders. The cars rolling past was one of the reasons people came to this part of town, they came to either see or be seen, in this case the girls came to be seen but neither admitted it. The meal was served really quickly which suited them as they had thought about some drinks at a local club up the road.

Just before 9 pm they got up and walked around to the club hoping to find it less than busy due to the early hour. The place was only just open and around 60 people had gone inside to dance or drink but mainly to see who they could pickup. Jen had only been here once but found the place very exciting as long as you kept away from the front bar area. Grace ordered some drinks and Jen found a table, but by the time Grace had come back with the drinks Jen had someone standing very close asking about a dance. She had no intention of dancing with anyone except maybe Grace. They politely declined and sat down to listen to the music and drink their drinks without hassle.

By ten o’clock the dancing was in full swing and Jen wanted to dance, she grabbed Grace by the hand and pulled her onto the dance floor. The style was easy and Grace could at least handle herself on the dance floor, they had no idea how much attention they were getting though, two very sexy girls dancing together. Grace had made some moves that more matched Graham and the impact was not missed on Jen or the crowd watching them. Few dances later and the mood changed to a slow dance and naturally they just hugged and danced very closely, Grace forgot herself and kissed Jen not realizing that others were watching as Jen returned the kiss the music finished and they left the floor.

It was getting late and Jen had to work on Saturday so they walked out of the club and found the car parked safely in a bright area. On the way home they both said how much fun it was and they would like to do it again. Jen asked Grace if she saw how many people had been watching them during the slow dance and then the kissing, Grace had no idea she was being watched and nearly choked on the thought.

“Did you know what was happening when I kissed you?” Grace asked Jen.

“Of course I did why do you think I was so passionate about returning it.”

“I thought it was because you liked it or me” said Grace slightly hurt that she had been used.

Jen stopped the car just before Grace’s house, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, this is the most fun I have had for nearly two years since leaving high school."

She leaned over and kissed Grace again, this time Grace returned the kiss in a way that left no doubt what was happening. Graham had never been this close to Jen before and wondered why it had all changed, but then who cared she was a great looking girl, yet so was he, she, whatever. The trouble with being analytical is that you can create road blocks where none are meant to be and stuff up a great trip. They stopped before anything happened and Grace knew that some of her makeup would need repairing before going inside and being questioned by her mum. Grace kissed Jen again and said she would call on Sunday after the makeover and let her see some of the photos after work.

Jen had the fun of Christmas shopping, 28 days of trading and she was the only person allowed to do the banking. Sue had gone to bed so Grace cleaned her face, put on her baby dolls and would have gone straight to sleep if it wasn’t for the lump in her pants; maybe Graham was still there.

To be Continued... Grace shines and has the photos to prove.

Grace comes out of her closet and finds out exactly what she can look like, a pictures says a thousand words and Grace had many chapters to talk about. But too much grace can be disturbing for some.

Saturday, the day of the makeover, what more could happen after the last few days? Sue waited for Grace to come out for breakfast and then let her talk about the night out and she never heard about the kisses. The plan was for a slow morning then get ready and go up to the Manor early afternoon and stay for dinner with Kerry and Janet joining them. Sue potted around the house as Grace laid out several outfits trying to see what would work and what may be needed. Around 12 they stopped for lunch and then Grace asked about a suspender belt and stockings, did Sue still have one or where could they get one. Sue had gladly thrown them away over twenty years ago and had no reason to go buy them now unless the right man came along.

"Give me a few minutes I’ll see what I can find out" Sue said picking up her mobile, she got Kerry’s phone number out of her bag and called to see if she knew anywhere that still sold good ones.

Kerry gave her the address of her favourite lingerie store and told them to ask for Lisa and said they would see her and Grace at 6 pm tonight. Sue went back into the kitchen and told Grace they would be leaving half an hour earlier if she wanted one, that meant she had to get a move on. Grace had already packed her bag and had applied a basic makeup to allow Jacky to do her thing without having to undo everything. Grace wore the jeans, black high heels, waist cincher and a bright red top that seemed to hug her new breasts. The trip to the lingerie shop was in the opposite direction as the manor and would add an extra 30 minutes to the trip. Sue parked the car at the front door, a surprise given the amount of traffic on the road today.

As they entered the shop they could see a sales person behind the counter putting a sandwich down and wiping her face.

“Is Lisa working today?” asked Sue only to look directly at her name tag and feel very silly. “A friend of ours called Kerry said that I should ask for your special help” she said holding out her hand for Lisa to shake.

“How is she going I haven’t seen her for about seven weeks?” Lisa told her “I sold her a really nice corset and lots of silky things as well.”

Grace smiled and started to look around the shop while Sue kept talking to Lisa, “this is Grace, my son” Sue said nodding towards Grace. “She is interested in a suspender belt but do you have any of those corsets left?”

Grace heard the comment and came over as Lisa told Sue that the special was finished except for the display item and that was a size 28 and probably would not fit Grace.

“I am almost a size 32 so I suppose that leaves that out, doesn’t it?” said Grace hoping that she was wrong.

“Actually you may just fit in but as you grow it would get very tight, would you like to try it on?” asked Lisa turning to the front display and grabbing the dark plum corset knowing that Grace would say yes.

Lisa showed Grace through to the rear area and asked her to take off her jeans and top so she could be fitted properly and laced to see if it was too small. As Lisa pulled the cords tight, Grace gasped as the air was forced out of her lungs, but as her waist reduced the pain seemed to vanish as well. The image in the mirror changed each time the cords got pulled tighter but Grace was determined to have the item whatever the pain.

Lisa had brought a pair of stockings into the room and told Grace to sit down while she helped her slip the stockings on her feet, as Grace stood up and pulled them up her legs the feeling nearly made her scream. Lisa showed her how to clip on the top of the stockings and Grace felt the gentle tug against her legs as she stepped back into her shoes. Sue could tell that it was going to be another item for Grace’s wardrobe and asked Lisa how much it would cost her.

"This is the last one in store, you can have it for $40 but don’t tell Kerry.”

Grace said that she would wear it and no need to pack it, the suspender belt could wait and she would come back another day when they had time to shop. Lisa gave Grace one of the special discount cards for the next visit and hoped she had a great day. The car trip to the Manor was short but Grace was trying to come to terms with the corset and the lack of breathing space in her lungs. Sue could tell she was having both trouble and joy in the same breath but let her go as Sue remembered the joy she brought to a young man when she wore one on a date.

The Manor came into view as she drove into the driveway and parked the car at the front door, Jacky and Toni came out to meet them and help with their bags. Toni introduced Jacky to Grace and Sue.

“You sure have changed young lady” she said to Grace, “you must be having a ball.”

Jacky took Grace through to one of the bedrooms and showed her where everything could be found and told her to come through to the studio when she was ready. Sue put her bag on the front table and walked through to the studio where Jacky was finishing the camera set up, “I was thinking of a before and after set but she already looks great” said Jacky. Grace came out in just a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt, no wig and a clean face, what they didn’t see was the corset that held her waist so tight and the breast forms that filled the cups. Jacky got Grace to sit on a stool in front of a green backdrop, the camera was linked to Toni’s PC and the first round of shots took only a few minutes to be saved to hard disk for processing later.

Jacky took several minutes to find out what Grace liked in the way of colours and clothes before suggesting a gentle makeover with a couple of different wigs to let her see the differences. She started with a good coat of moisturiser and a little beard cover since Grace was fair-haired and had very little beard shadow for a guy. The foundation coat was light beige and Jacky only put enough on to cover the skin and give a smooth surface for the rest of the makeup. Jacky took a few more shots so that Grace could repeat the makeup in her own time.

Sue went for a walk around the grounds with Toni while Jacky did the eyes, Toni wanted to know what had happened after she and Kerry had left on Monday night. Sue went through the last few days and how Grace had to make the choice to either do it or forget it but half way was not an option in her mind. Sue told about her going shopping and getting earrings and nails within the first day, Toni was amazed at Grace’s courage and Sue’s commitment to her new daughter. Toni took Sue for the grand tour and explained the business venture they had been setting up and how it would work financially. Sue still had question about Graham being TG and over the next hour asked Toni about her own journey until Jacky called them inside to see the new girl.

Grace stood there with brunette hair down her back, a short leather skirt and skimpy red top with the corset showing though the top. Black vinyl thigh boots and black stockings made the legs jump out and grab your eyes. Grace’s face was radiant, the makeup was very minimal except for around her eyes, which seemed to sparkle, and the lips had a gloss that made them look very wet. Grace had put in a pair of gold hoop earrings and wore a necklace to finish off the nightclub look or was it more like the “Hooker Look”. The photos took about twenty minutes as Jacky made her stand, sit twirl and generally dance around while the shutter went mad. Jacky sent her back into the change rooms for her second set of clothes from the wide range they had collected since they started the venture.

Grace’s second set of clothes had a formal look, long blue gown and silk gloves, black shoes and a black medium length wig. Jacky made some minor changes to the makeup and jewellery, more gold and pearls then she was ready for more photos. Toni had created several backdrops for use with the green screen but they also had chosen several locations within the Manor that would make great scenes so Jacky took the tripod and let Grace explore the place. The long mirror in the hall gave a good effect with reflections and lighting, the large dining room had been set for dinner and with wine glass in hand the shots looked like a cocktail party setting.

The bedroom shot made Grace come alive as she danced around the large four poster bed and swung on the pole. Grace had chosen to do a lingerie set of shots as long as Sue was not present so Toni and Sue went to make some drinks while Grace changed into the corset, stockings and a blonde wig with red 5” heels that Jacky had found for her. Jacky increased the colour in her face and a darker eyeliner with much brighter lipstick and gloss coat, a touch-up around the edge of the breast forms to hide the slight differences in colour tone and it was hard to tell where the girl finished and silicone started.

Grace had been drinking wine during the afternoon and by now the effect was making her very giggly as Jacky asked for sensuous and sexy looks. Grace laid on the bed and laughed as Jacky snapped away, the bear skin rug and fireplace made fantastic backdrop as Grace played with her stocking straps while sucking her red polished finger nails and pouting her lips. Jacky threw her a black negligee and asked her to stand near the window with a glass of wine in her hand as she looked towards the driveway the light streamed through the black and outlined the hourglass figure. A few more photos near the four poster bed and they were done for this section of the shots.

Sue and Toni came back in with cups of coffee but Grace only wanted wine as she was having too much fun, she also thought that without the alcohol the photos would be less provocative and sensual. For the fourth set of shots Jacky had suggested the casual look that Grace had created herself, the jeans, boots and tight top with a shortish blonde wig that looked the same colour as Grace’s normal hair colour. Jacky chose the lounge setting with books, magazines and the coffee cups as the setting to a very confident girl. Jacky snapped a few dozens shots then asked Sue and Toni to join for group shots, just sitting and chatting while the camera went on auto mode, snapping every 20 seconds. The PC could sort out the colouring if the camera made a mistake but after 60 shots they would be guaranteed a few good ones.

Sue asked about the lingerie shots “you didn’t look like a loose woman did you?”

Jacky confirmed that the shots were tasteful and nothing shown that wasn’t in many fashion magazines. They talked about Grace and her clothes, her confidence and the big step of choosing to stay as Grace for the whole summer break until Uni went back in late February. The camera just kept snapping and recording the images but what it could not capture was the level of joy in Grace’s head, unless you looked carefully at the photos and saw the smile in her eyes, the flick of her hair, the way she crossed her legs. By the time they had finished it was close to six and Kerry and Janet were expected by seven so dinner had to be finished while Toni went to touch-up the images in Photoshop.

As Toni sat there looking at the 160 shots it became very obvious that Grace had a natural look as well as a photo shoot image that could be adjusted for the settings, formal, casual, lingerie. They all worked very well and the level of adjustments required by Toni was going to be minimal in many of them the slight imperfection was better left in as it showed the natural girl. She chose ten from each group and was very selective in the lingerie shots to protect the girl’s honour and put them into a power point slide show with titles and dates ready for previewing. As Toni made them blend, wipe, merge she added music from an instrumental CD and finally burnt it onto CD-R for her to take home. The copyright on the images would belong to Toni for selected marketing use but only as Grace agreed.

By the time Toni had rejoined the group Kerry and Janet had arrived and were talking to Sue and Grace about how much fun she was having since they last met, Kerry was slightly concerned at the speed of change in Grace but didn’t want to say anything negative to her. Janet talked with Sue while Toni came and turned on the video projection system and closed the drapes to black out the room. She asked them to be seated and quickly outlined the Manor and how they saw it evolving over the next few years. The idea that had started over a weekend with friends was just the start, Toni had decided to go part time at work and take some of the work on a contract basis. Jacky was always in and out of the house or even the town if country shoots came up so the flexibility to work around a B&B for a niche market along with the makeovers would provide several streams of income for them both.

“Enough about us, let me show you Grace in all of her glory” Toni said hitting the go button and killing the lights.

As the music rose and the title came up it was like seeing the start of a new life, Grace before the makeover was somehow still slightly feminine except the hair but as the images changed and the makeup went on the girl came out and so did the smile and sparkle. Each of the groups had a sub title and the music changed accordingly, the nightclub look, the formal, the sexy the casual, and then the group chatting over coffee. It finished with a stunning close-up that Jacky had done without Grace knowing it and the image said it all, “I am woman and I love myself.” As the image faded to black Toni brought up the lights slowly allowing everyone to adjust but fast enough to see Sue and Grace with tears rolling down their faces holding hands.

Grace just sat there the images told her that she was more than passable she could get away with any look she wanted. Her inner beauty came to the front and a gentleness that her mother could be proud of, Sue had known her son was different and now she saw why. They each took turns in hugging her and saying how natural and good she looked, Toni saying that very few models had the skin tone she had and the airbrush tool in Photoshop made most of them look like they did, it wasn’t natural.

Over dinner Grace was asked all of the normal questions like where to from here, what clothes do you like the most, what about Uni next year. Grace thanked Kerry for telling Sue about the lingerie shop and mentioned the corset she had bought and how good Lisa was with help and friendliness. Over dessert Toni talked about how the Manor was going to work and the things they had already put in place to allow them income and flexibility of work. It had become a project for both Jacky and Toni and they were looking forward to working together at last since they complimented each other in skills. Jacky had some modelling shoots to handle and would need to have the use of a good graphics artist to prepare the proofs and correct the skin tones etc so they had set up a high speed link and web site that could be used for proofing images. Toni had invested in a large format printer so she could handle A00 size, which was a decent poster format and one that could be used for small production runs or even banners if they got a vinyl feeder.

The niche makeover business was going to be harder to get going as locating the cliental would be the hurdle, the TG community did not advertise very openly and it would take much word of mouth to get started. The evening finished fairly early so Kerry and Janet decided to drive straight home, Jacky offered Sue and Grace a bed for the night and given the lateness and how much Grace had drunk they took up the offer. As Kerry left she asked about New Years Eve plans and said that she would send an invite around for their place.

The next morning Grace had to wear the cost of too much fun, the head hurt, the ears were super sensitive to noise, but most of all she felt silly for making a fool of herself. Sitting in the lounge she flicked through the slideshow again and paused at each one that drew her attention.

“Why did you stop at that one?” asked Toni.

Grace thought for a while and then decided that it was the eyes that made her stop and look, the eyes that captured her joy and sparkle for life. The clothes looked good on her but it was the eyes that pierced the viewer and held them as if locked on invisible retractor beams. Jacky came into the room as Grace was still staring at the one photo, it was daunting and beautiful at the same time, the glance of a young girl that could control so much with just her eyes. Jacky had seen the look through the camera lens but had to admit it was far better on the large screen.

Toni brought up the entire set of photos and selected each of them one by one as they talked about the colour, the pose, the message behind the image. For Grace it was a crash course in being critiqued as a model, which is something she had never thought about. Grace had done some media studies as an elective at Uni and from there she knew that some extras were not as presented, for example in the movie “Flash Dance”, Jennifer Beale had five stand-in dancers and two of them were actually males. Some body part actors could be used in male or female mode depending on the need and nobody was the wiser in the audience. The idea of actually doing real work was a distant joke she thought and left it on the shelf for Santa to look at. Toni had selected a few images that she wanted to use in advertising the Manor and showed them to Grace and Sue, the window shot was an absolute must as was the finger sucking on the bear skin rug, a tease shot that said come and take me.

Sue and Grace had packed their bags and were driving out of the Manor by eleven o’clock in the morning, Grace wanted to go out and not go home. Sue offered the option of going to the markets and buying fruit and veg as well as looking for Christmas presents which is what she had on her own calendar to do today. Grace just wanted to be out and about rather than cooped up at home so she agreed as they headed for the local markets. The stalls were mainly fruit and veg with stalls of handmade items scattered around the place but one that attracted Grace was the bedding stall, pink and frilly lace pillow cases and quilts. The owner showed her the sets of matching sheets and quickly Grace was asking for a price if she bought a complete set, and it would have to include the hanging mobile of the doll on a trapeze seat. It was more than she had thought it could cost but it did look very pretty and would make the spare room look so nice.

Sue could hear the money falling through the cracks in her credit card but she had been very frugal with their money over the years and had recently paid off her mortgage and was enjoying the extra $200 each week on little things. “Only if you take it as a Christmas present” she told Grace knowing that the sale was already concluded in Grace’s mind. The rest of the market was basically just like most of them and they quickly finished with the food bits and headed to the car again.

Christmas was always a lonely time for Sue as her family was over east and her friends all had families of their own so she was not looking forward to the time. They decided that Jen should work up to Christmas Eve and then come over for the three days. She would definitely bring some extra noise into the house and keep Grace busy, “why not, make sure she hasn’t made plans though” prompted Sue as they drove home.

The phone was ringing as they drove into the garage area, as they opened the door they heard the answering machine beep at the end of the message. Grace put her bags into the spare room along with the new quilt and sheets. Sue went to listen to the messages, one from a friend asking if she wanted to go to a movie tonight and one from Jen asking for a call back, she wanted to know about the makeover. Grace called Jen on her mobile and arranged for her to come over after work, Sue called her friend and said that the movies would be good fun and she would see her at 6:30 near the cinema. Sue unpacked her bag and put the food away, it had been a very interesting weekend and she had no doubts about Grace fitting in.

Jen arrived just after 6 with a large bag in her hand that looked like Santa’s sack, “these are for you if you want them” she said.

Grace pulled the bag apart and found several shoes, sneakers and a couple of handbags. “Where did they come from” she asked Jen.

“We always get trade samples and these are the wrong size for my staff, and they are your size.”
Grace slipped off her boots and put on each pair and by the end she had six pairs of new shoes and two handbags. Sue shouted goodbye as she left with the car and said that she would return around 9:30 food was in the fridge if they wanted anything.

“OK tell me about the makeover” said Jen “and I want to see the photos as well.”

Grace went to the DVD player in the lounge and put in the CD-R and turned the TV on hoping to see the slideshow just like Toni did. The DVD player brought up a message saying This media can not read please change for DVD or DVD/RW, it was an early model and was having trouble with the way Toni had saved the files.

“What about your computer, that should still read it” said Jen quickly.

Grace had a fairly wiz bang system with full video recording and sound editing facility as part of her media option last year but it was in the bedroom and the house rule was “no girls in the bedroom”. Grace decided that the rule applied to Graham and since she was now here the rule would be the opposite, No Boys in the Bedroom, she could agree to that.

As the computer started the slide show Grace told Jen all about Toni and Jacky’s plans for the Manor and how they loved their work and had the best options, at work or at home and still get paid. She talked about each slide as it came up and what had happened with each set of clothes until the lingerie set came up.

Jen pressed the pause button at the window shot, “that is so sexy” said Jen “where did you get the corset from, is it your mothers?”

Grace went to the dresser in the spare room and pulled out the corset and said “no, its all mine and brand new, do you like it?”

“I love it” said Jen, she held the garment to her body and stood in front of the mirror and turned side to side, “can I try it on, pretty pretty please?” she begged.

What could Grace do but say yes and offer the stockings as well, Jen had already taken off her shoes and top by the time Grace came back into her room with the stockings. Trying on your friends clothes and standing there half naked must be a girl thing thought Graham because Jen had stripped to just her pants forgetting that Grace was not actually a girl. Jen turned around for Grace to put the corset on from behind and lace it up, Grace wrapped it around her and started to thread the laces around the clips, tighter and tighter. The second run of tightening made Jen gasp just as Grace had so she told her to breath shallower and just try to relax, the pain would go down shortly. Jen had lifted her breasts into the cups and her nipples sat just on the line of lace, the corset was not too tight as she stood and turned in front of the mirror again and again lost in her thoughts.

“It was the last one in the shop” said Grace “but if you are really good I’ll let you borrow it one day.”

Jen kept the corset on while she watched the rest of the slide show on the computer screen but the window shot had been the best just behind the finger sucking on the rug. Having Jen sitting on her bed in just the corset and stockings was going to be a problem for Grace so she asked about food as a distraction.

“Put your clothes back on and come into the kitchen” said Grace heading out of the hot room.

Jen slipped on her heels and came out into the kitchen “wouldn’t you like me to stay like this instead?” she asked coming into the kitchen knowing full well that she had stirred up something.

“I am trying to find out who I am and that does not help” said Grace “Graham would not have to be asked twice but I’m confused”

Jen saw that the teasing was messing with Grace’s head and went back to get dressed without the corset.

“Sorry I shouldn’t have done that to you” said Jen putting her hand on Grace’s shoulder gently.

Grace turned to her and said “I am just getting confused, first the kiss and now this, it’s a big jump after two years of just being friends, why the sudden change?”

Jen sat down on a chair, “we get on really well but I haven’t had a close friend for years since she killed herself” Jen said just looking at Grace as tears welled up in her eyes and flowed down her face. “Linda and I would dress up, go out together and even go dancing sometimes, I have really missed her” and more tears just burst out.

Grace moved over and hugged Jen as she sobbed, and Grace could feel her chest heaving with pain as she stood there. Jen grabbed several tissues and wiped away the snot from her nose and face, tissues fell to the ground as she started again. This went on for nearly half an hour, her eyes looked red and puffy, her face was streaked as her makeup washed down her cheeks. Grace just stayed there and held Jen and at the end the whimper died down and Jen just sat there and quietly wiped her face.

“I haven’t had any time to grieve about her death or anyone to talk to either” she said “I was told not to talk about it but just put it to one side and finish my exams.”

Grace put the kettle on and Jen told her the entire story of how they had been friends since kindy class and then through high school as they found out about sex and boys and each other. The times they spent just talking about getting away from the small country town, about being free from the constant watching of people who knew each other’s most intimate details and would bring them up if chance arrived. Linda had obviously been more than just a friend for Jen and Grace understood the situation at the club on Friday night, it was the clothes that had triggered Jen.

They talked for ages and Grace pulled out some dip and crackers, some chips and coke, Jen just sat there and told her everything they had done as kids and how Linda’s death was due to the torment of being gay and not knowing who to talk to. Jen had been counselled by a family friend with good intentions but limited practical experience, “shut it down and get on with it” was the only advise that Jen heard. They were still talking when Sue’s car pulled into the driveway, Jen got up and went to the bathroom to make herself look better.

Sue had seen Jen’s car on the roadway and asked where she was, “just fixing her face, mum” said Grace without adding anything. It took several minutes to fix that much damage and Jen came out with a clean face and no makeup, but as she saw Sue she just started to cry again. She ran to Sue and buried herself in her arms and the sobbing started again, Sue had no idea what Graham had done to her but would find out as soon as she left. It was a few minutes before Jen calmed down and was able to say anything to Sue, then it all came out again, Sue just listened and gave her tissue after tissue until they had all gone. Jen left around 10:30 and Sue turned to Grace and asked what triggered the downpour in Jen, the corset and her teasing was mentioned.

“So who are you, Grace or Graham?” said Sue,

“I’m not sure anymore after tonight” offered Grace.

They went off to bed but since she had unanswered questions Grace was not going to find rest that easily and lay there churning things over in her mind. Graham loved the body of Jen, Grace loved having a friend, Graham enjoyed talking about clothes and girl stuff, Grace enjoyed being free to do anything she wanted, Graham was happy with his life but really enjoyed the clothes Grace had. Counting sheep didn’t work, counting new outfits and shoes worked better and she fell asleep in her baby dolls and breast forms, she had found a position that worked for her both physically and mentally. Jen had a good night’s sleep at last, her pain was real and it had been allowed to come out, the grieving had started after 24 months of shutting it all down and getting on with it.

Monday was Sue’s day at work but called in to say she would be late, “family issues” she said to her boss. She made breakfast for Grace and took it into her bedroom and woke her up and opened the blinds to let the sun in as only mothers do, children never open anything like curtains or blinds. Grace sat up in bed and slowly ate the breakfast of juice, cereal and some toast.

Sue asked how she had slept since last night was so traumatic and had left several questions still without answers that needed them. Grace was trying to put into words the logic that had worked last night but in the cold light of day it no longer worked, she enjoyed who she was and Graham enjoyed who he was but they were the same person and at times the same goals and feelings.

If “clothes maketh the man” then the opposite is also true “clothes maketh the woman” and Grace could talk about that after the makeover. Sue asked if Grace wanted to call it quits and return to normal,

“Definitely not, I am having too much fun” was the rapid response from Grace but Graham had been gagged a little.

“You can stop this at anytime you want to without any comment or criticism” said Sue, not knowing what pressure Grace was under.

Grace asked about how to handle Jen and her need too grieve but also not to make things complicated for her at the same time. Sue thought about the problem and suggested that they just be there for her and let her know she could talk at anytime to them. Sue went off to work felling much better and assured that Grace was going to be fine.

Grace took time to get ready, she had a bath instead of a shower, did her legs, then put the CD-R into the computer and followed the makeup hints from Jacky. The base, foundation, eyes, lips, and then she came to her hair. It wasn’t long enough for a girl but it was longer than she had been used to, it would take most of the summer break to grow out and be able to let her go without the wig. She took the wig off the Styrofoam head that Sue had given her and placed it on her head, sitting there with makeup and a wig on she could see the breasts that had been stuck on and suddenly wished they were really her own breasts. The body said female but the mind was confused, as she looked down to her pants she could only see the maleness as being the only sign of anything wrong in her body.

Would a quick cut with a knife do the job, if she did a good job the hospital would have to complete the work, it might not hurt so much. Grace snapped out of it and stood up even more confused as to who she was or what she was doing apart from knowing that she felt she had to follow through with it. Grace walked into her new wardrobe that was filling up with clothes, shoes and handbags, they were her clothes and not things she had taken from the op-shop bags her mum had put aside. She had underwear and skirts to wear and matching shoes that were modern, Christmas had come early for Grace, she must have been a very good girl that year. Grace chose a skirt and top from the rack that matched a pair of her shoes from last night’s delivery, she wanted to go and see Jen to thank her but also to see how she was going.

Driving up to the shopping centre she noticed the number of cars in the parking area was far more then last week. She had quite a walk to the entrance but the sound of heels on the footpath was a new one for her and she walked swinging her hips and stepping one leg in front of the other to make her skirt sway with her hips. The mall was packed with displays from schools and parents all milling around with little kids ready for a lunch time concert. Carols rang out through the PA system and Christmas was obviously coming to this little centre.

Jen saw Grace walking down the mall looking in windows, stopping to check out the specials racks out front of the stores, not a care in the world she thought. Jen also noticed that her own heart had picked up at the sight of her new friend; last night helped her in more ways than she could understand. She turned to one of the sales girls and said that she was going for lunch break early, the store was theirs and not to break it. She raced down the mall and attacked Grace with her hugs and kisses, “let’s have lunch” she said before Grace could say anything.

“Just what I was thinking of asking you” said Grace still shocked at being so visibly assaulted in public.

Jen suggested a little shop around the back that had tables facing outside the centre as well as into the mall, they could talk and get some fresh air as well. When they had ordered their lunch, Grace asked Jen how she was feeling after last night, was she OK about telling her everything.

Jen said “it was so much of a relief, I wish I had let it out earlier to someone, sorry it had to be you.” Grace told her to stop being silly and she was glad to be her sounding board and also give her the hugs she needed.

“We have talked about Christmas and if you have nothing better to do we would like you to stay over with us for the week” said Grace.

Jen had only agreed to dinner and suddenly it was for a week long stay over, “what about work.”
Grace thought about it then said “you can have the spare room all to your self and come and go as you need, no strings.”

Jen reached over the table and hugged Grace again, this was becoming quite nice thought Grace. The two girls talked about which bed they would have and could they have a slumber party, what about New Years Eve, did Grace have anything planned yet? It was only a few sleeps until Christmas day but Jen had to work all of them, she would be so tired she would probably sleep half the time at Grace’s house. Jen finished lunch and had to race back as it got busy over lunch but she totally loved spending time with Grace.

Grace came over for lunch each day that week to check on Jen, of course, but it was good to have somewhere to go and possibly to shop for more things. The budget she had was due to her grandfather’s estate and the trust fund that gave her enough for Uni fees, books and running a car. The shop next to Jen’s was one she had avoided all week due to the commotion over the credit card but on Friday she spotted the woman that said to come back in and ask for her so Grace decided to try it.

“Remember me?” she asked the woman behind the counter.

“Of course I do, did you like wearing the outfit?” she replied in a much better mood than last week. Grace asked about a style she saw in the window, white long dress with ragged hem in layers, it looked like cotton but had no shape or form to it. “You would need to have a good colour top to make it work, and by the way my name is Marg” she said.

Grace introduced herself properly and shook her hand, they would get on much better now she thought. Marg showed her some tops and belts then ushered her into the change rooms, “let me know when you have put them on.” Marg made some changes to the outfit until she was happy, Grace agreed the dress was very plain but could be worked by adding coloured layers around it. A scarf around her waist and hips, a wrap over her shoulders, some beads hanging from the belt and a bright top all came together to make a very chic chick outfit. When she had finished getting it right Grace asked Marg to cut the tags off as she would wear it home, or at least next door to show Jen. The old clothes were put in a bag for Grace to carry home. Jen saw Grace come into the store after the lunch time rush to take her to lunch she loved the new outfit and had to ask where she had bought it from.

By Saturday they had spent every lunch time together so Jen asked about going out for a drink after work if she promised to be good and not tease Grace like last weekend.

“Does that mean that you want my corset” she asked Jen,

“Only if you want to let me wear it?”

Grace had thought about wearing it but could not help but give in to Jen who was so infectious she made others so happy when she was around. Jen would come over after work and get changed at Grace’s place since she just happened to have the spare clothes in the car today. By five thirty Jen was sitting in the kitchen having a bite to eat with Grace and Sue.

“We are so looking forward to having you stay here” said Sue, Jen told her about the other Christmas days where she had been alone and how boring and depressing they had been for her.

She grabbed Grace’s hand and said that she was very happy to have Grace as a friend and really appreciated their help last weekend. Sue was staying home for the night but had planned to watch the first two parts of a trilogy that was coming to the cinemas next week and she would probably be still awake when they got home if Jen decided to sleep over. Grace and Jen vanished into her bedroom to get ready and Sue could hear plenty of giggling so assumed everything was fine, the house rules about girls in the bedroom seemed to be all wrong somehow.

Jen had brought over the same outfit as last weekend but wanted to wear the corset since Grace had offered. She stripped down to her pants and turned around so Grace could fit it properly to her front then turned around to let her do the laces up, Jen had no idea what that did to Grace. Jen was ready for the laces to go tight and found them only half as painful as last week. She pushed her chest up to sit in the cups and peak over the top of the lace trim, the laces got tighter and this time she had to gasp for breath. The hour glass figure was very attractive but so much pain she thought.

The girls didn’t go out until around nine as the party life was later rather than early on Saturday and Jen knew a few places that didn’t start until after 12, but she had to work at midday on Sunday. Grace said it was her turn to drive since Jen had driven him last week and Grace had chosen not to drink for a few weeks to help her lose weight. The club was just opening when they got there, it was early in the night so picking a table was just a matter of choosing where they wanted to sit. Jen went and got the first round of drinks and returned to the table as Grace was talking to a young guy about the group that was advertised for the night, she thought the guy was just making small talk until he asked for a dance later.

Jen interrupted with “sorry she’s mine” and the guy left rather disappointed that he had no chance with Grace.

“Why did you say that to him” asked Grace,

“Sorry, did you want to dance with him I can call him back” Jen said rather sarcastically. “I bet he would show you a really good time as well” she added just to push the point.

Grace had thought about her response to being chatted up but had missed the line when it happened, looking back on it she was flattered by the offer. The music started to ramp up and Jen was off dancing by herself as Grace sat and listened to the band, the young guy came back over to talk to Grace again.

“Are you really hers or can I have a dance?” he said to Grace.

“Maybe just one then” was all she could say.

Jen had seen the approach and just watched to see how Grace handled herself with a guy that was only interested in getting into her pants. Grace kept her distance and danced but as the music changed he tried to hold her a lot closer and Grace’s heart started to race, excitement or fear, the effect was the same. Jen waited to see if she would pull away or get closer, Grace danced for a while but made an excuse and went back to the table. Jen raced over and sat down with Grace, “why did you stop?” she asked Grace.

“I’m not sure about all of this yet, I would rather dance with you” was all Grace could say.

The rest of the night it was just Grace and Jen dancing together and by midnight they had danced, drunk and talked themselves horse. Grace drove home and Jen accepted the offer to sleep over, Sue was still awake and offered them Milo for bedtime. Jen went to the spare room and unpacked a pair of PJ’s then returned to the kitchen, Grace slipped into her baby dolls as the mugs of hot Milo were put on the table. Sue quickly asked about the night and then said goodnight and told them to keep the noise down if they were going to sit up and talk. Grace picked up her mug and told Jen to follow with hers, they went into the spare room as it was the furthest away from Sue’s room and hopped into bed with the pile of pillows against the wall.

They sat there drinking the hot chocolate and talking about the week and all the things they had done together since Jen found out about Grace, the lunches, the dancing and of course the shopping. Grace had never had a friend like Jen before, she was very bubbly and helped Grace come out of her shell more although tonight was a shock for her.

“OK lets talk about it” said Jen cutting to the chase as they say, “what were you thinking about dancing with him?’

Grace started at the beginning and said about not knowing who she was and that meant not knowing what she was, she needed labels to help make sense and keep everything in balance and suddenly the labels had all been moved or renamed. Confusion had brought with it a sense of experimentation to find the truth but that only showed more troubles for her. Jen waited until Grace had finished then told her about how she and Linda had been very good friends before they had started anything else, it just happened one day, we were enjoying a dance and we kissed but we both knew that something was different it was as if we had crossed a line. We both talked about it but she was my best friend and we enjoyed being together, it just kept happening and we had no problems with it. Linda had told another friend and it got out around the school playground but they just saw it as teenagers being silly until the taunts started and you know the rest of the story.

Grace put her arm around Jen to give her a cuddle and Jen snuggled down and into Grace’s side, they stayed there for a while just waiting, Grace didn’t want to leave and Jen didn’t want her to either. Sue woke up early in the morning and saw that Grace’s door was open and her bed was empty so she poked her head into the spare room. There lay the two girls snuggled up together still fast asleep, the cold mugs of Milo on the bedside cabinets only half drunk and teddy bear in the bed next to Jen. While they looked very peaceful Sue was still very concerned that anything else had happened to her daughter. Jen stirred as the door was closed so she got out of bed and put on a pair of jeans and top and went into the kitchen to see Sue.

“Hello sleepy head, I didn’t wake you did I?” asked Sue knowing that she probably had.

“No, it was time to get up anyway” replied Jen, “and before you ask, nothing happened last night I just had a case of the sulks again.”

That’s typical of Graham thought Sue, a girl like this and he is more concerned with her happiness, he had been brought up right. “Thankyou for being honest with me, dear” said Sue and leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

Grace slept for another hour so the two women had time to talk about Christmas and New Years Eve, the food and drinks, where they thought they could go without being mauled by drunks wanting to lick their tonsils out. They talked about decorating the tree that was part of Sue’s ritual each year and what Jen would like to do that would remind her of family back home. It was just like back home already she thought except she had a friend back that she loved. Grace came out wearing the denim skirt and t-shirt and Panda Eyes from not removing her makeup, obviously she had not checked in the mirror today. The two women laughed and asked if she was feeling alright today, Grace made noises and scratched her face.

“What do you mean?” she asked them.

Jen grabbed Grace and turned her around to face the hallway mirror, “so much for inner beauty” she told Grace and pushed her to the bathroom.

Grace surfaced several minutes later, showered, shaved, and made up with a daytime makeup style that looked much better. The three of them sat down for the breakfast that Sue had made, and chatted around the table until nearly eleven ‘clock when Jen had to get ready for work. As Jen left she kissed Grace gently on the lips and thanked her for being such a good friend, the blush from being kissed in front of her mother even came through the foundation and blusher.

Sue sat down and motioned for Grace to take a seat, “OK young girl or young man, we need to talk about this” stated Sue, she needed to get answers and he needed help sorting it all out in his head, or her head, whatever. They talked for over an hour about the same things that Jen and Grace had talked about last night, Sue accepted that nothing had happened but it was not good to be in that situation for either of them. Sue was very concerned that Grace was making huge leaps and Graham had very little future at this rate and Jen was a separate issue that just added to the confusion in Grace’s head. Grace thought she had made sense in her own mind and wanted to be Grace in love with Jen, but when it came out the words seemed to get mixed around, Graham could do whatever he wanted to later but this was Grace Period.

Sue was still concerned about them both but determined to keep talking with Grace and Grace promised to keep talking with her mum. The rest of the day was spent relaxing and Grace held a fashion show of the things she had purchased during the week, she had good taste and even Sue wouldn’t mind borrowing some of the gear, now that’s a change.

Kerry had made a separate section on her website for members by invite, it was called “Transscripts”, the double S being a play on words. It was a web-log or “blog” as it was known for any of the girls to write down their thoughts or ask for help, she had made a links page to other forums and help sites. Most of the girls looked daily and so did some of their partners, there was a calendar for them to put any special dates and Kerry had posted a Wednesday evening meal just for the girls and Grace had been invited to come along, usual place and time it said so Grace left comment about coming along and noticed that they would all be there, Toni and Kerry but also Sarah and Kate, who she had not met before. Kerry had also put a section together for partners or friends, this was not visible for the other girls and again only by special permissions on the user login. Grace asked for a login for Sue and one for Jen to be sent to their own email addresses on her behalf. The links always had interesting stuff like hair removal, electrolysis, surgery links, makeup techniques, clothing guides for web shopping and many links to bio’s of girls that had shared their stories.

Wednesday came around quickly and Grace was excited to be meeting the rest of the famous trio that Sue had told her about from work. Kerry had said to wear casual but smart so that meant a quick trip to the shops and help from Marg again. Grace needed a jacket that she could wear with jeans or a skirt and not be too heavy since the weather never really got cold. Marg was working behind the counter when Grace came in so she let her browse before going over to help.

“Something special today Grace” Marg asked.

“I need a coat or jacket that I can wear out but not hide my body” she said mischievously to Marg. By now Marg understood Grace’s sense of humour and simply went with it, she selected a cream cotton jacket that would sit just at hip level and it wasn’t expected to be buttoned up. It was last season’s winter stock so the price was marked for clearance.

“This is a good price, since you’ve spent so much here lately.”

“But I have so many years to catch up on and so little time to do it” returned Grace partly telling the truth. She had been thinking about the end of summer break and knew that only Grace or Graham would survive and the chance of both staying around was getting smaller each day.

The story you are about to read is partly fact, partly fiction, and partly faith, only the author knows the truth and others can guess. The basic details revolve around my life and the development of the last few years.

The Birth
It would seem that the softness of silk and nylon had always been a fascination to me even from the age of three but never more than at the age of forty-seven after losing over 43kg or nearly 95lbs in the old terms. For some unknown reason I found myself standing in front of the bedroom mirror dressed in only a black bra, knickers, suspender belt and stockings looking at myself and admiring what I saw in the mirror. The body was thinner than I could remember being for over thirty years and the whole image exploded in my head in a way that made my mind reel. Suddenly the doubts of the past came pouring back into my head, was I meant to be a girl, what would it be like, and what sort of girl I would be? The stream of images, doubts and questions bombarded me for a long time even after removing the clothes and putting them back neatly into their proper place so that I would not be found out.

But something had changed, like the Search for the Holy Grail I had a mission; to answer the questions and solve the doubts in my own mind. It was a period in my life that was very stressful and it was taking a toll on my peace of mind as well as my ability to cope with the demands of work and the problems that had grown over the years to a point where they needed fixing once and for all. The business had financial problems that could not be fixed by short-term sales but required cash injections from outside. I had taken these things on as being my problems and only I could save the business from ruin, my task, my workload, I just didn’t see the connection in all these things.

The quest to answer the questions of life gender and destiny began in earnest starting on the internet, forums, Google, back to chat groups, joining support groups on the web. All the time looking for answers that made sense and ones that could stand up against the questions that others would ask. The range and sheer volume of info was too much and at times did nothing but distract me from the goal as I explored the various branches of what I now understood to be transgenderism. The different types always had a great argument as to why they had it right and others had it wrong and that only they were justified in their actions. The interplay between interest groups and national or international groups sounded more like a political rally than a place to find answers for a trouble mind. I had only a small collection of clothes that I had collected over the years from skits and such like, nothing to write home about. It seemed that everyone used a femme name as they called it to hide their real names. I chose Kerry, don’t ask me why I have no idea, but Kerry was born, a bouncy 77 kg girl. It was after this that Kerry started to evolve into a person in her own right, email, signature, separate bank account, and even personality, but more on that later.
Every day seemed to bring more certainty in my goal but less hope of actually getting there, the risk of being ridiculed or cut off from work or friends, let alone wife and family. Many of the stories had endings that made me scared of losing everything and only a small percentage had what I would call a good ending where a balance of needs and wants were met for all parties. T-girls talked about being sacked, divorced, outed by their partners and workmates or even being assaulted and thrown out onto the streets with just their small piles of clothes. The amount of depression and suicide mentioned was also alarming, at times it seemed to be an expected part of being classed as transgendered. My wife Janet deserved to know what was going on in my mind but I could not answer any question about what or why and I thought that would put me at risk of losing her forever.

Early in the new year an invitation arrived for a fancy dress party, Pirates and Damsels, a chance to dress up and have fun. Only I had different ideas of the fun I wanted to have at the party, Janet could go as the Pirate I wanted to be the damsel and make everyone jealous. Over lunch I started an argument about women wearing heels, after all how hard could it be to wear them all day, get real. The girls bit straight away and after a few minutes I was gong to have to go to the party in heels, just what I wanted. Moving quickly I created a Pirates outfit for Janet and talked about what a Damsel outfit may contain and where would I get one. Looking back on this day I am amazed at how easy it was to get tacit approval for something that was so outrageous, even if they only partially understood the entire picture. I started looking at costume hire sites for damsel outfits and even asked a couple of female co-workers what a damsel would look like, they assumed it was for the wife so I told them nothing different.

The local Salvation Army thrift shop was on my way from home to work so I stopped in during lunch time. I walked around the shop looking for shoes that would suit, my neck was probably getting red as the excitement rose in my mind so I looked around for anyone that would be able to help me. At the back of the store was a middle aged woman sorting clothes and items “sorry to disturb you but I need some help buying shoes for a fancy dress party, what size ladies shoes would I need?” I asked slightly embarrassed at asking. She looked at me and simply laughed and picked up a pair of size ten 2” heels and told me to try them on in the shop. Oh, I didn’t actually think this through far enough, I thought I could just pick them up and vanish. I slipped my socks and shoes off quickly slipping my feet into the shoes, they fit and I felt very comfortable in them. No sense of enjoying the moment just getting out of there before the police came to arrest me or would the people in the shop pick up lumps of wood and attack me as being a freak. For five dollars they had a sale and I quickly headed back to work with my first piece of wardrobe in hand, the office was closed for normal business today so I would have it to myself after mid afternoon. I sat at my desk desperately wanting to try them on, waiting for the temp staff to leave. As soon as the last one had gone I raced down to my car and carefully hid the shoes in a paper bag to carry them into the office. My heart raced as I slipped off my old male shoes and socks again and gently slipped on my own new shoes, even if they were slightly scuffed. Standing up I felt the change on my stance, the way my body balanced and walking around my little office sent thoughts through my head about an entire wardrobe. Arriving home that night I put them on the table in a “show and tell” format, one that worked well to break the ice several times.

After a few days I had tried on several of Janet’s outfits without her knowing anything about my actions, the look I wanted was smart and sexy to make the most of my new body shape and make everyone see the girl instead of the male me. I could fit into some of Janet’s newer clothes that she had only recently purchased, size 12 fitted me quite well so I chose a black short skirt and tight red sweater as the ideal outfit for my “coming out” party. I got dressed one afternoon and walked into the lounge in front of Janet and the kids and said “what about this for the party?” The response was a definite negative although I had no idea why it was so bad, but then I had not really looked in the mirror at my short spiky hair. Over the next few weeks I visited several op-shops looking for bits to buy all in the cause of a fancy dress party, or so I told the sales girls. In hind sight I wonder what they really thought I was in there for, maybe they knew more than I was prepared to admit. After four weeks of shopping with Janet she was still not happy with my outfit, so determined to buy something on the day of the party she left for the last round of Op shops.

I had booked a wig and full makeup service as part of the disguise, camouflage or was it just war paint. I started with a very close shave, I had missed one for a day and a half to make sure that I would be very smooth then came into the lounge to have my nails done. Janet ran a buffer over my nails and totally missed the smooth finish they already had due to my own nail regime, then applied two coats of polish and made me blow on them until they dried, I wanted to choose the colours but that was too risky. I sat there wanting to direct the makeup artist but very cautious that it would give away more than I was prepared to let them know at this time. She applied moisturiser and then plenty of base coat that made me look very pale, just a blank palette she told me. I had no idea where she was going with the look, it went on more like paint than makeup, and made me look more like a porcelain doll than a real person; still it did hide me from the world. The outfit was a basic long purple peasant dress with tight long flowing sleeved top, a set of fake boobs made from rolled up underwear and a paper pointed cap and it looked just like Rapunzell. I had procured a pair of control pants from Janet’s leftovers that I used to tuck everything away and present a smooth front. A pair of black tights hid the hairy legs and the feel was really good as I slipped on my own shoes, a set of clip on earrings from one of my daughters and a lipstick in case of needing a touch up, a tissue and lipstick went into a glomesh purse and we were ready to hit the stage. A couple of family photos at home for prosperity and family fun afterwards and then it was into the car, I chose the passenger side and let Janet drive.

The entry into the party was fine, no body guessed it was me until I spoke and even then many had a hard time accepting it was me. My actions and gestures were strictly by the book, gentle and controlled. The shoes fitted well but after a few hours I sat down and slipped one of my feet out of a shoe and just rested, an action that was seen by a number of young girls at the party and commented on later. I was surprised that my boss made no comment or even talked to me during the entire party, in fact looking back I was totally shunned by him and his wife. The others made small talk and even the girls wanted to know what I had done and how it was so real even if it did mess with their heads slightly. The guys said how brave I was and several photos got taken, luckily none made the local press as it would have been very inappropriate for a state government candidate to be seen out and about like this. There again it may have got me more votes with the alternative voters.

The next few days were a little uncomfortable as people had problems with my outfit; no problems with getting me to do all the work I did, just nobody said anything about the party. I wanted to get clothes but was too afraid to go shopping in person so eBay became a way of getting things without getting caught. My first purchase was a really nice pink bra, my first bra, I now know why the first one is so special for girls, it marks a time of change of growing up and becoming a woman. It arrived at work one day in a plain A4 envelope after the money had been transferred electronically, the receptionist brought it into my office with an unusual look on her face. After I took it from her I understood what she would have felt, the underwire could be felt through the wrapping, nothing was ever said about this but I decided to not use the work PO box again. Little by little I purchased items on e-bay and had them sent to the post box that I had set up near work so that it was easy to collect. Each time something arrived I would race home trying to get there before anyone else and have time to try it on. Sometimes the purchase was rubbish, far from what the seller advertised, other times it was just great value and fitted perfectly.

One of the T-girls from Sydney was coming to Perth for a business trip so we arranged to meet for dinner, in drab of course, we had spent quite a while talking over the chat rooms and I felt safe enough. I picked her up in male mode from her hotel and we spent several hours over a meal talking about problems with being outed due to changes in our body and deportment. She had actually talked with a female workmate about her life and things seemed quite fine while I had no one to talk with. A week later I arranged a meeting with one of the local girls for coffee after work, she was somewhat apprehensive about meeting me but mentioning my meeting with the girl from Sydney gave her a level of confidence. Over the next months we had a few coffees when time permitted.

With work being very heavy and uncontrolled I had started having Tuesdays at home as a way of catching up, in reality it was Kerry time from the moment everyone had left for work until I put her away in the afternoon. I could dress, try makeup, shop at e-Bay, and read about makeup techniques, surf the web and chat. Kerry was free to do what ever she wanted, inside the house or back garden. One of my community activities required a trip away to the country for a conference, the choice was stay at the conference centre or find my own place so I chose a quiet motel some 5km away to ensure that others would not see me. The conference was to start at 10am so as soon as the others had left for work out came the wardrobe, or at least the bits I could take away. Coming home would be after the others got home so I had to only take Kerry gear, although she had collected a few really nice bits by now.

The conference dismissed at 4pm and I had not signed up for the main dinner preferring to stay in the motel and play. The first thing was to lay out the things I had brought and put the makeup in the bathroom ready for playtime. I slipped off my clothes and put on the new nickers and bustier that I had bought a few days earlier and then carefully slip on the black stockings and clip them to the suspender straps. The look and feeling was fantastic, the matching set cost over $90 but it was again my first piece of really nice lingerie that was truly mine. I needed both food and makeup so I put my drab clothes back on over the top with a thick sweater to cover the outline of the bustier and left my socks off. The drive to the shopping centre made we wonder who could tell that I didn’t have normal underwear on under my male clothes. I know, irrational but that’s what fear of being found out does to you. Inside the centre the shops had late night opening so I could have shopped for ages if I had the nerve to actually go into the shops that drew my attention. One shoe shop even had a special on only size ten women’s shoes from just $15 and they were just inside the door, nerves won out again and I lost. Getting foundation was easier, I just said that I was doing some stage work and needed a colour to suit my skin shade. All along I could feel the stockings tug at the belt and the feelings drove me crazy, the silky smooth legs being brushed by trousers, the delight in being dressed but hidden.

I picked up my salad and breakfast then headed back to the hotel room, safety and playtime. I put the food on the table and slipped into something more comfortable, just had to say that, then with a glass of wine and lipstick on I had dinner watching the news and wondering what it would be like to enjoy every day like this. My wardrobe also included a fairly basic wig which I found annoying as it was always putting strands into my mouth and not at all like the nice hair that I wanted but it was a work in progress and I had only just begun the “Quest for the Holy Grail”. I slipped back into trousers and a thin sweater and left the room for my own car, sitting there I slipped off my shoes and put on the heels that transformed my entire body into the girl I wanted to be. I drove around looking for somewhere to walk without being seen, a park or jetty, somewhere that I could hear the sound of heels clicking on concrete and wiggle my tush. Surprisingly there were several places that had good views of the water without putting myself in risk so I pulled over and slowly got out of the car, I still hadn’t got the movement right but as my feet hit the ground the sound rang out. I walked along the pathway towards the water’s edge and listened as the sound of heels on the boardwalk made me feel so excited to be out wearing the items I loved so much. Out along the jetty and trying to enjoy the experience before getting back into the car and finding another place to walk. The experience made me realize one thing, I wanted to get out of the house dressed just to see what it was like.

A month later I planned a country trip and a couple of days away for Kerry Time, by now my wardrobe had grown significantly and hiding it became a real hassle, bits scattered everywhere in places that only I would go. I also collected leftovers of makeup and jewellery, a wig, bra inserts, anything that would help me in the goal to see what kind of girl I would be. I chose a complete set of outfits for the trip including the new wig and some extra clothes just for the photo shoots that I wanted to do with the new digital camera I had bought. As soon as the family had left for work out came Kerry and her bags were packed, I also had several bits of her outfit under my drab clothes. I loaded the car and set off for two days alone with Kerry and my thoughts. Once out of the main town area I pulled over and made some minor changes to my outfit, the shoes that transform the entire body, the bra inserts that gave me a good size C shape and Kerry was out in the country. I drove a set route as I had to visit a couple of towns and check on their infrastructure without talking to anyone though. At one town I pulled into a local parking area off the main road, a few tables and a play area so I got out and walked around for a while, it was a Friday and that meant no tourists or even local traffic. I tried to enjoy my drink while all the time thinking about really getting out rather than being a hybrid of genders.

By evening I had come back to the same hotel I used last month and shortly after five the wardrobe was unpacked and I had food in the fridge for dinner. I hit the shower and followed up with a good shave ready for the makeup practice, this time my collection was much larger and along with eye liner, mascara, lipstick, eye shadows of many colours I wanted to try out different looks. I spent a few minutes and did my nails in a deep burgundy that I knew would match one of the outfits that I really loved as well as the lipstick I had chosen. The first two or three attempts would have fitted well in a circus rather than a girls face, the third had less of almost everything. The forth was OK so I got dressed into a very nice black dress and claret blouse along with the obligatory stockings and the new wig that came down to shoulder length and kicked under very nicely. I setup the camera and laptop so I could shoot and then download quickly and view on a large screen, this allowed me to review my handy work and make changes. I found the camera lied, the face was hideous due to too much colour, the wrong colours with the right clothes or something like that. I swapped eye shadow colour, far less, the lipstick was pale under the flash light, and stockings showed from under the dress and all along Paul was still present. I changed into pantyhose and with the better makeup the second round of shots looked much better. Through the first night I swapped into three different outfits, changed makeup, tried different hairstyles and captured plenty of photos, some of them got sent via email to my friend in Sydney for comment.

Kerry never had the pressures of work or home, she could just be the lady of leisure she wanted to be. In her life money had no bearing, the future was being created every day, and the past had never existed. One of the threads I followed on the web related to makeover services in the states and with an interstate business trip coming up I changed my searching to find a location that could help me find the girl within. A few recommendations, a couple of emails and the booking was made for six weeks time, just enough time to increase my wardrobe, makeup and accessories before flying out in search of the Holy Grail. My suitcase was filled with two kinds of clothes, those I intended to wear to the business events and those that I would wear the other times in the hotel and at the makeover. As soon as I arrived in the hotel, which was selected due to being T-friendly, I threw my male clothes into the drawers and carefully placed my nice gear in drawers in piles, neat and tidy, a place for everything. The wig was hung on a lampshade and the makeup put into the bathroom, nothing was hidden from view. My decision was that whenever I left the room I would be Paul and when I came back into the hotel I would be Kerry.

The night I arrived at the hotel was after a full day of conference followed by a five hour plane flight and a couple of taxi rides but my brain was just too active to think of sleep so I sat up and painted my toe nails and tried on some of the outfits to test what looked good. Taking a shower the next morning made an impact as the water ran down my legs and over the deep red toe nails, they looked so good, if only I could have them everyday. The rest of the morning was spent making sure everything was ready for the afternoon session with Cyanne at her studio. Just after eleven I left the hotel wearing my suspender belt and stockings, my white silk pants, and pink bra, then my jeans and loose fitting jumper to hide what lay underneath. It was a day of shopping at the markets and beauty shops, just a few items to help me out, I never did get the rings I wanted. Funnily the band of the silk G-string and suspender belt were getting higher up my back and secretly I wanted someone to see it.

Back at the hotel I waited until the time was close then had a very close shave, twice, just to make sure the beard would stay hidden for several hours. I changed my pants, made sure that all the clothes I wanted to use in the photos were packed in my backpack, left my ID in the room and called a taxi. It was only a short taxi ride but one that had taken a lifetime to start, as I knocked at the door I knew my nerves were on edge but the goal lay close at hand and I had to go through with it, I had come too far to miss out. As she opened the door and I introduced myself there was a sense of being at the start of a window cleaning exercise, removing the grime so that I could see the girl within. Cyanne as she was known was really a very nice and intelligent girl from our home town who went to school at a very well to do private church college. I suppose that her partner being TG also led her into the outside work she did with the T-community and the number of social events she helped to organise.

The first few minutes were just to make me feel comfortable, small talk as Paul, and then it changed to addressing Kerry and finding out about her needs and tastes. What colours did I like, what clothes had I brought with me, how did I get started and what did Janet
think, that was a sore point as I knew she had to be told but felt she could not handle it. I also did not know what Kerry was all about or how to explain dressing in women’s clothing and why I thought it was normal and OK. Questions that had not been answered in all the time I searched the web. I talked about being part of a church and what that entailed, Cyanne had other clients that held positions in churches and she knew of the risk of exposure. In fact several of her clients had well off jobs or prominent public profiles but still found the need to find the girl within and express their feminine side, regularly despite the risk.

Cyanne made me change into a makeup smock and proceeded to tell me about cover, foundation, eyes, all those things that I desperately wanted to know about but I was too excited to listen. It took her around 60 minutes to transform the face from Paul to Kerry and them she marched me upstairs to get changed. She had a large room set aside with clothes of all different colours and types, shoes, coats, and at least twenty wigs of all shapes and cuts. Now I would love to visit and stay for a day just playing in her wardrobe without having anything else to do apart from relax and explore. I stripped down to my basic underwear and stockings; she loved my suspender belt and asked where I had bought it from. The first thing she told me to use was a cincher that removed a few inches of waistline and that gave me a much smoother look all round. I already had my own bra on and inserted the breast forms that I had made to make me a respectable 36C. Cyanne chose a silver and black stretch top and then a skirt and black and gold over coat or jacket to start the photo shoot with along with a shoulder length wig in dark brown and blonde flecks. Two hours and four clothing changes later we finished the 100 photos. I don’t think I relaxed once during the entire afternoon and that was a mistake, I should have made more of an effort to enjoy it.

One of the things Cyanne and I had talked about before the makeover was the chance to go out for a drink or meal if I felt up to it, either way I intended on getting the most of the trip. I arranged with my friend to come out for tea with us, my coming out into the T-community, the first time anyone else had seen Kerry in the flesh. We had planned to go to one of the local T-clubs and have drinks and a meal with Cyanne and her partner if “She” showed up. Unfortunately the soccer team won that night and he stayed out drinking with the team. The car arrived in plenty of time and my friend greeted Cyanne who she already knew from her own sessions and t-community events around town. A quick check of lippy and hair, male clothes all packed away in the back pack and we headed for the door. Cyanne asked me if I was still good to go with all of this and although I was nervous it was also exciting. I had answered one question, what would I look like and still needed to answer the other one, what would it be like as a girl and that could only be done with other people around. We opened the front door stepped out onto the street just as another person walked by, I’m sure that I froze for a millisecond then it was across the road into the car and a short drive through early evening traffic to the club. Driving around I again wondered how many people standing on the side of the road or in the cars next to us could tell that the car full of women actually only contained one real woman. So far so good I thought as we entered the club and got signed in, not sure what name I used though. Climbing the stairs in heels was a thing I had only learnt that afternoon as my house is a single level, going down was all together a different task and I nearly fell down the stairs at Cyanne’s place during the afternoon. That would have been just right, break a leg while wearing a skirt in a far off state, maybe not so unusual for Sydney though.

We walked into the bar area upstairs, about twenty people were sitting around the bar and booths drinking and talking and as far as I could see there was only two of us t-girls in the entire place. I knew that I was being watched as I walked around to the main bar area, that made me feel quite unusual, I wanted to be seen as sexy but they were men looking at me. I followed Cyanne to a small table where we could drink and talk without being too conspicuous although the Taxi Club is well known for t-community patronage. A couple of other girls joined us with their drinks and for the next few hours we sat around had drinks, talked visited the ladies room, checked our makeup, even had a meal surrounded by dozens of people and they must have known who we were. Our waiter asked for our order by saying “have you ladies decided what you would like yet?” such a charming person. We took some photos of us at the table and then used Photoshop to remove the people behind us, just to save the guilty I guess, this photo showed Kerry having fun and obviously very relaxed. The longer we stayed the more I relaxed and started to feel comfortable with who I was but all too soon the time was over, both girls had work in the morning and I had a conference to go to. Going down the stairs in heels got easier as I watched Cyanne go first, I simply copied her.

Out in the car park I spoke with Cyanne about picking up the photos during the week and returning her clothes. Then with permission I gave her a hug and thanked her for releasing Kerry. They drove me to the hotel and let me out about 100m from the hotel front door, I repeated my good byes and headed for the hotel foyer. Walking along the street at ten o’clock on a Sunday night, the wind gently blowing around my legs and the heels clicking on the pavement, I was out in public and it made me feel so alive I wanted to keep walking but decided against it given the area. I opened the large wooden front door to the hotel, inside I could see two night attendants standing at the front desk that I had to walk directly in front of. No choice in where to go I just kept walking past them and opened my room door, I listened very carefully and heard no comments or laughter from them, I guess if you see it every day then it becomes normal.

Inside my room I was free to relax again and made a drink before turning on the TV, my body was so alive I knew I would not sleep. Slowly I unpacked my clothes and put them away, the male ones I just discarded into the wash pile. Kerry was very clearly visible and I didn’t want to lose any detail about her, I looked in the mirror at the makeup, the way the eyes had been outlined and the lips made to appear fatter. I wanted to be able to let her back out at any time in the future. I slowly got undressed and put away the clothes that I had worn for my coming out, some of them mine and some from Cyanne’s collection. The rest of the week was just as good, after each days conference I would come back change and have dinner, a glass of wine and then take some photos. Just like the country trips I had time to try things out, clothes, makeup and most of the photos showed a totally different girl to the studio shots, this one had a smile on her face and was obviously enjoying herself. The Hotel also had limited wireless connection that only worked in the lounge area, I found myself sitting on one of the lounge suites working my laptop talking to one of the night staff about my family. It was only after he had left that I realised that my shoes were off and my stockinged feet with red nail polish were folded under my body but very visible to him.

It was pure Kerry Time and packing up on the last day was especially hard, going back to limited time and freedom, compared to the freedom of the last few days. The depth of this sadness really surprised me since I saw myself as being robust emotionally and able to control myself, the tears should have shown me that more was happening on the inside than on the outside. The trip back home was normal, unpacking and hiding my clothes was done as required but the buzz of seeing Kerry out and about and the sadness at shutting her down to come home lasted a long time. The photos showed Kerry in various poses but the buzz and mental images made far more impact for much longer to come. The CD was hidden away from view and marked as backup files so no one would go looking at it. The emails back and forth to Sydney included some more photos from the club and soon Kerry had her own portfolio of snaps that showed what she looked like both dressed up and relaxing in the hotel or club or studio.

A few weeks later Cyanne emailed me about a makeup demo in our home town she would be giving at the local cross dresser support group and asked me to lend a hand with some technology and possible modelling. A task I jumped at and started planning my outfit, I wanted a basic brown jeans, white opened toe strappy sandals and a white rolled neck jumper, after a small bout of shopping on e-bay I was ready to do the show. It was a Saturday afternoon and I had a new outfit just for the show, I had decided to have a weekend away with the group at their annual camp and arranged to purchase a set of silicon breast forms from the organiser if she brought them along for me to try on during the makeover demo on the Saturday. I paid for the camp and asked the co-ordinator to bring the breast forms along to the camp on the next weekend, it was as if Kerry was finding new ground to walk on, a new sphere of activity, but I had no idea what was coming around the corner.

A few days later while laying in bed, before the day started, Janet told me about a dream she had overnight, basically she thought that God told her I had not told her something but if I did it would bring a blessing to me. Of course it would feel like being kicked in the guts and I would probably lose my job, but I would be blessed in the end. I was very confused, I knew I had to tell Janet, I also knew it would hurt both her and me, but God had promised a blessing. Confusion and fear raged within my head, could I survive, would Janet leave me, would it hurt her so much that she would go into depression again. She saw her dream as a “prophetic dream” and if I just denied any knowledge of what she had dreamt about it would also be denying the gift God had given her, it was me or her and I chose her.

Telling Janet about my feeling and the things I had done took over an hour and all the way through I shared my fear of losing her and the worry of being rejected. Janet consistently affirmed her love for me and the promise to stay with me and see this thing through to the end. I was surprised at her response and just kept trying to explain what transgenderism was and how it had been part of my life for so many years yet I was just finding out what it meant. We talked about how the boss would react and I thought it better not to tell them at work yet.

After a few hours I went in to work and phoned Janet during the day to see how she was handling everything, it was all okay until about 4 hours in and the reality hit home and she crashed into a heap of tears. She wanted to talk to someone and I had not thought about whom she could talk to and how I would react to others knowing about my secret. Janet phoned a friend in another state and talked through some of the fears she had, and also a friend at work that she confided in. Both people had no experience with transgenderism and could only give support and some ideas on checking the bank accounts and other activities in case of more secrets.

Over the next few days we discussed it several times and I eventually fronted up to work and told my boss about the issue and asked to stand down from major decision making areas while I sorted out the issue with Janet. I told him because there was no thought of not being supported through something that I saw as a need in my life. There was never a real thought of losing my job or being ridiculed, I expected grace and help from people that claimed to give both to those who came asking. I was asked to formally inform the board of directors since I was also a director and had responsibility for the financial area of the company. They affirmed their support for me without knowing exactly what I was going through and agreed that I should take some time to process everything. The promise of support from my fellow directors gave me confidence that things would be alright and given enough time I could return to my duties as a director.

Soon after this Janet and I went away for a couple of days, I travelled back to work every day rather than stay at home by myself. As we took time to talk through the issues and try to see where we should go it became clear that the only thing I could do was to undertake not to do anymore dressing and dispose of the gear I had accumulated. As I drove back and forth the gear was cleared out of the house and either thrown in the bin or given to the Salvo’s. After disposing of the lingerie I was physically shaking as I turned up at work. Looking back it was a mixture of shock and grief that was quickly locked away and not allowed to surface. I really wanted to show Janet what I had selected to wear; a way of proving that it wasn’t Rocky Horror Show, or drag Queen style. I was also proud of the things I had bought and how they looked together. She has never asked me about what I had apart from a quick “what sort of stuff did you buy?” and that was only to allay her fears. The CD of photos was destroyed and all picture files on the computer were deleted and even cleared from the rubbish bin. Email accounts were removed from Yahoo and all redirections cancelled. As far as anyone could see the physical presence of Kerry had been totally removed, but the brain still held the images and that would be very hard to delete.

Over the next four weeks we met with counsellors and talked through their thoughts of “My Problem or My Sin” as they called it. They didn’t really try to ask me about how I felt instead they told me I was deceiving everyone and had lied to them. Their understanding of the entire issue made everything I had read about it seem like lies and false teachings. The confusion in my mind was even greater than when I started the search for the Holy Grail, and it only made me more compliant with their requests for full confession and repentance in front of the leadership and then the entire church community. Being a people pleaser and trying really hard to get back into the good books I agreed to everything they asked of me. I did everything that was requested of me or should I say demanded of me since that is how it appeared to me, they had the control and I was now a puppet in their hands.

Over the next few months I attended counselling away from work at my own expense and tried to make an effort to do all the normal things while inside I was crying in pain. It wasn’t so much the pain of being caught out but rather the pain of losing a friend that I felt was part of me without any chance of getting her back. They required me to attend ten weekly sessions before making any decisions. It became clear that nothing would be tolerated, hair, nails, discussion, it was all too hard and I was constantly reminded about the deceit that I had inflicted on others and the lack of trust they now had in me. After four months I was sacked from work, of course it was not related to Kerry, but they could never tell me what it was related to either. It was cold, harsh and immediate with no compensation or warning, totally against the laws of the land and our operations manual. For the next twelve months we made attempts to find answers and at every step it was met with more accusations and no answers. It seemed that the remaining directors had decided it was too hard to agree to their promise of standing beside me and it was now easier to just get rid of me.

All the time this was happening, I attended counselling and worked through the pain of my past and learnt how to react differently. On rare occasions the topic would come up at home and I would try to get my point across but it always seemed to end in tears. Even here the stereo type transvestite was ugly and filthy with no redeeming features and how could it fit in with our belief system. The effort it was taking was just too much and over the months it became easier to not mention it, but the pain never went away it just grew. As we found other activities to fill our lives the people that had been part of our previous way of life faded away and stopped calling us. After 12 months only two people still remained in contact and would talk or have coffee with us. Only two remained.

Looking at the whole situation at times I wished that I had kept my mouth shut, lied to Janet and kept Kerry in the closet, at least we could have had some time together. The pain of being judged without trial, condemned without cause and sent away with no option of return has been a harsh punishment to handle. We would not allow it to happen in the world but it seems it is acceptable in the church, at least it was in ours and possibly many others around the world as people with needs are pushed into a box that is designed by others to keep themselves happy and safe.

The pressure on our marriage was considerable and at times it caused so much pain that we could have just walked away from the entire scene and never return, but at other times we knew we needed answers. The impact on our physical health was also hard to handle, pain and sleep loss, trouble with recurring injuries and just a feeling of loss and depression that remained with both of us on a daily basis. Thoughts of suicide came frequently along with depression and anger at being treated like worthless rags, discarded rather than cleaned, torn rather than repaired.