By Nick B
By Nick B
(C) 2007
Kim Heasman won the trip of a lifetime in a competition and everything looked like it was going to be plain sailing, but things don't always go according to plan do they?
Thanks Kris for giving this the once over - as usual, another stirling job...
Chapter 1
I still don’t believe it happened.
You see I won this trip, well cruise - in a competition; one of those: “your name has automatically been entered into our grand holiday prize draw. You could be sailing off on a luxury cruise to New York...” I dutifully ignored this, like you do. I mean, no-one ever actually wins, do they?
Well now I know.
They do.
I did, though when you get to hear what happened with my luggage, I’m sure you’ll agree that ‘win’ might not have been the correct term.
There I was, looking forward to a luxury cruise on a luxury liner called the Paradise. As I walked across from the car park to check in I could see out onto the pier where she was berthed. She was huge, perhaps bigger than any hotel I’d seen, but then I live on the south coast of England and nothing’s particularly huge or grand there.
I was collared by a smarmy looking bloke in a cheap suit who stood with another bloke who was holding a camera and looking bored.
“Mr. Heasman?” he called. I went to him. “Judd Nelson.” He was a representative of the company that ran the competition and he stuck his hand out to shake mine - very limply.
“We just want a snap before you go — for advertising you understand. It's all explained in the conditions.”
“Oh. Ok, no problem.”
“Just one thing.” he said. “I think it would be much better to see you in more ‘holiday’ oriented clothing.” I didn’t think that was a problem either, so I took my suitcase to the lavatories, changed into Bermuda shorts, beach shoes, a gaudy Hawaiian shirt and went back for the snapshot.
They were calling to board by the time they’d finished and I didn’t know which way to turn.
“It’s that way.” said Judd.
“What about my bags?” I asked, flustered.
“We’ll sort those out.” he assured me. “Now go on, go have fun.”
I strolled up the gangplank and onto the deck, shaking hands with one of the officers as he said “Welcome to the Paradise. I hope you enjoy your trip.”
Sounded good and the butterflies in my stomach told me that even though I had always viewed these cruises as “not my scene”, I was definitely excited by the prospect of three weeks sailing across the Atlantic - all inclusive. Well mostly.
I went to one of the many bars and enjoyed a few drinks after talking to a gentleman and his wife who, by their own admission, were “old hands” at this cruising. It apparently always took a while for the cases to be sorted and delivered to the cabins so I stayed with them, enjoyed their hospitality, bought some drinks and then went off to find my cabin.
I followed directions that seemed to take me further and further down into the bowels of the ship and when I finally found the door to my cabin, I expected to see the prop shaft twirling away through the middle of it. There were no windows that far down, but I figured, how much time would I be spending there anyway? However, there were no suitcases, no sports bag — no luggage at all.
All that I possessed was what I was stood up in and the small bag I carried over my shoulder that held my camera, documents and money. With just one pair of Bermuda shorts, a Hawaiian shirt and a pair of sandals, how was I expected to last the trip?
Panic!
If being in the murky depths of the ships hull wasn’t bad enough, I now found I had no clothing either. I asked for the crew’s help in locating my lost baggage, but all they could do was tell me to wait. It had probably been delivered to the wrong cabin.
Still it wasn’t so bad I thought. I have three weeks of lounging around on deck, playing quoits or anything else they have to offer — provided I could afford it and well, aside from the location of the cabin I was still excited.
That was until I heard the engines start. I thought the baggage was a bad start, but the throbbing that was thundering through this tiny little cabin was almost too much (to even hear yourself think). I wondered just how I was going to sleep. It was like sitting inside a giant vibrator and I don’t mean one of those slender things that ladies use (or so I’m told), I mean the sort that gets the air out of concrete. I stood it for about ten minutes before I just had to get out of there and went up on deck, just in time to see Southampton slowly disappearing.
Momentarily, I forgot all about the lost luggage, the orthopaedic vibrating cabin and got into feeling the wind in my hair, the feeling of salt spray on my face and looked forward to the cruise.
Later and feeling slightly cold, I went to see if anything had transpired about finding my stuff. They had no knowledge of my baggage and this made me angry. The officer to whom I was speaking took it all rather well I thought.
“Look, leave it with me, Mr. Heasman.” he said. “I’ll see what I can do.”
It sounded promising, though I suspected that I was shouting at the wrong person and he just wanted to get me out of his hair. I went back to my cabin and sat on the bed, the sound of the throbbing engine making more noise than I could cope with and I ended up in a bar, sipping beer well into the early hours.
I staggered from there and the thought of the noise in my cabin just turned me right off. I had to find somewhere else to sleep that wasn’t freezing and to that end, I found a quiet corner of a lounge and fell asleep there.
I was woken at heaven alone knows what time. I do know I woke up feeling stiff, uncomfortable and like I hadn’t slept a wink all night. I smiled a bit sheepishly at the porter who was trying to rearrange everything for the morning’s onslaught and went out on deck.
It was cold, overcast and I wondered what I was going to do with the rest of the day. That compounded with the thought of having nothing clean or more appropriate, wasn’t the most auspicious of starts to another day on Paradise.
“Still,” I thought, trying to take a positive tack. “One thing at a time.”
Breakfast and dinner were part of the deal and I went to see what time breakfast/ s would be served, especially since I hadn’t eaten since yesterday.
I looked rumpled and attracted a fair number of stares as I sat, savouring the fried eggs, bacon and sausage. I had four pieces of toast and told them to keep the tea coming. The result was one happy camper, or cruiser in this case.
The orange juice in the lap was something I hadn’t bargained for.
I jumped up and saw a child of about six just about ready to bawl, holding an empty glass, followed swiftly by his or her (it’s difficult to tell) mother.
“I’m so sorry.” she said, swiping up a napkin from the table and reaching out to dab the offending liquid from my shorts. I darted backwards out of her way, just before her napkin brandishing hand made contact with my nether regions, slipped and wound up sitting in four pancakes covered in liberal quantities of maple syrup.
The ensuing madness gave rise to some pretty heated exchanges between the mother, her now screaming child and the pancake owner's mother too. I got out just as things were starting to turn nasty, the pancakes still dropping from my sticky posterior as I entered my cabin.
This really wasn’t turning out as planned at all.
I looked down at my yellow-stained shorts and as it turned out, stained shirt too. I had to get out of these things and immediately went to the basin to try and rinse them out.
With the dripping items hanging from the shower rail, I sat on the bed and waited for them to dry, the thrumming of the engine rattling my brain.
Ten minutes later and it was quite obvious that waiting until things were dry was going to drive me insane, so I looked around the cabin for something to do. I fiddled with my camera for a while, but about forty-five seconds later, I tossed it onto the bed and looked around for something else.
I spotted a leaflet and picked that up. Inside, it gave all the on-board phone numbers. My eyes rested on “Radio Paradise” and a thought came to me.
I picked up the phone and it was answered by a bright sounding woman, well girl really I think and I asked her to put a message out for anyone with any spare clothes to drop them at my cabin. I described myself and my predicament, told her my name, my height — five eight, my weight 120 pounds, shoe size - seven and thanked her. I didn’t know whether it would have any effect whatsoever, sighed deeply and went to lie down on the bed.
I was pretty knackered after last night’s escapade and what amounted to about two hours fitful sleep and I dozed off despite the constant thrumming of the engine.
I awoke several hours later feeling better than I had and wondered what effect the call to Radio Paradise had had. I went to the door and opened it.
Outside were little piles of clothes and my heart jumped.
“At last!” I exclaimed, grabbing the clothes before anyone saw me, which was silly since I didn’t think anyone went that far down into the ship unless they’d been bad.
I dumped the clothes onto the bed and started to sift through them. There was a lot more there than I thought and as I started going through them, my smile turned to a frown.
Every item was for a girl.
I suppose you could call the t-shirts unisex, but most of those were in pastel colours and the majority had some sort of slogan on them that sort of pointed to there being a girl on the inside.
There were shorts, even shorter shorts and skirts; panties — new — I hasten to add and even shoes — some were heels, some flats and even a pair of Nike trainers. In a bag that accompanied all this were new pairs of panties in a packet, tights and stockings and a couple of bikinis. My heart couldn’t take this. With the thought of my own missing stuff was the thought that I was banished to the cabin, since there was no way I was going out in this stuff.
I sat back down on the bed, my head in my hands and was nearly in tears. I considered that although this wasn’t the best of times to be having, as soon as my own stuff was dry, I could then go back out, but for the moment, here I was on what was supposed to be a luxury cruise and wasn’t even able to go outside.
There was a knock at the door.
“I’m looking for Kim.” said the brunette outside, holding another two bags, presumably with more clothes in.
“I am he.” I said, trying to keep my naked body from her view.
“He? Well where’s the girl who needed the clothes?”
“Can you hang on just a moment please?” I asked, closed the door and went and grabbed the towel from next to the shower. It wasn’t that big, but it covered most of what I didn’t want showing. I invited the woman in.
I guess she must have been in her early thirties at a push and she looked around the cabin disdainfully. I stood holding the towel around me, clasped together at the back.
“I think there’s been a big misunderstanding.” I said.
“Oh? How so?” she asked.
“Well, I am the one who wanted the clothes. My name’s Kim Heasman and I’m here because I won the trip in a competition.” I said and went on to explain what had happened.
“You really are in the shit aren’t you?” she asked.
“Gee thanks.”
“Well you are, aren’t you?” she said. “But I think I can help.”
“No way!!” I almost yelled. I wasn’t worried about being heard yelling. The noise from the engines was so loud that I figured that anyone who wasn’t deaf before they entered one of these lower cabins would be by the time they left it.
“Come on, it’ll be fine.” she said. I was resolute. The answer was “no, not on your life”.
“Look, the first point is that you’re not in a position not to. You can’t stay in here for the entire cruise, you’ll go deaf and secondly, what have you got to lose?”
“My self respect?” I asked. She shook her head.
“I think that went in the breakfast room this morning.” She said, observing my still dripping clothes.
“But I’m not a girl.”
“No-one needs to know that.”
“It’s not going to work.” I said, though the conviction was leaking away faster than I could plug the gaps.
“It’s going to work fine. Now put these on, grab the rest of the stuff and come with me.”
I don’t think I can adequately describe what a fool I felt going from my cabin to hers and no, I didn’t know her name yet either.
I had on a yellow t-shirt with some slogan or another that was only marginally less embarrassing than “My Little Pony” in multicoloured glitter, some pale blue shorts with a pair of the panties underneath and my new Nike’s. I couldn’t look at anyone, not that there was much to see of me behind all the clothing I was carrying, but I was so relieved when we finally made it to her cabin.
That was an understatement too — cabin. It made the thing I came out of feel like a bloody broom cupboard. Hers had rooms in it.
It had windows too.
“Right, there’s no time to waste, get those off and go in the bathroom.”
“Er, just a minute. What’s your name?”
“Didn’t I say? It’s Donna. Donna Elliot. Now scoot!”
I went into her bathroom, itself bigger than my cabin and through the door, she shouted “Use the Nair.” and then it went quiet.
“Nair?” I said to myself. “What the hell’s Nair?”
A bottle on a shelf answered that one.
“Don’t forget to do under your arms and make sure you get right up to the crotch, in fact, just smear it on liberally all over.” she shouted through the door again. “I’ll be back shortly.”
“Hair remover?” I thought as I looked at the innocent looking bottle in my hand. “What on earth?”
Suddenly, Donna’s plan seemed far too real, far too much for someone like me. I didn’t want all this, I just wanted to enjoy the cruise and having got this far, I didn’t see why I should go to such great lengths to see it through to wherever it ended.
I sat down on the toilet and worried; the Nair bottle still in my hands and not a trace of it on me. I had had nothing but weird since I started this and far more than I thought right for one person.
“You alright in there?”
“I can’t do this. I’m really sorry, you’ve all put yourselves out, but I can’t do this.”
“Course you can. Look I’ve brought help. If these people can’t put you right then no-one can.” she said. There was the muffled sound of assent from behind the door. “Look, I’ll help if it’ll make it easier.”
“Er, no thanks. I think I can do it.”
“Attaboy!”
Twenty minutes and a shower later, I emerged completely devoid of what little bodily hair I had. It felt weird. I had been waiting so long for that hair to grow, because as slight as I was, I thought it made me more manly, now all of that had gone; washed down the drain with the rest of that foul stuff.
Wrapping a towel around me, I stepped out of the bathroom and it was like one of those old westerns where someone walks into the saloon and everything stops. I stepped into the main room and everyone stopped and stared at me as I changed colour to something that neared purple.
“There we are. Didn’t hurt, did it?”
“Well it stung a bit, but no, I suppose not.” I said in a small voice.
“She’s even more perfect than you let on.” said one of the assembled ladies.
“Who you calling she?” I asked, my hackles rising. Donna laid a hand on my shoulder and shook her head at the woman, whose name was Margaret and she quietened down almost immediately.
“So who’s going first?” asked Donna, retaking command of the situation as I cowered just behind her.
I think the rest of the afternoon went past and I never saw anything other than the five ladies I was ensconced with. They started on my head and worked their way down to the tips of my toes and by the time they had finished, barring the makeup, which I wasn’t looking forward to, I had false boobs, smooth skin (my fault), bright red nails on my hands and feet, a new hairdo — which they wouldn’t let me see until I was dressed and made up and a new feeling of dread.
Half an hour later, I was dressed and made up. The lipstick tasted strange, but not unpleasant, just strange, but the strangest thing of all was my perception of myself and how it took a matter of seconds before I recognised that the girl in the mirror wasn’t a girl at all, but me.
“What do you think?” asked Donna as the other four ladies were busy congratulating one another.
“I-I don’t know w-w-what to say.” I replied, my voice once again very small and timid. “Is that really me?”
“Damned right honey!” said Margaret to hoots of laughter from the others. I tried to smile, but succeeded only in turning red again. I was getting very good at that.
To be continued...
Chapter 2
By Nick B
(C) 2007
The one where Kimmy takes a dive…
Nice one for the work Kris.
The shock was a bit much. Had I been an actual girl, I would have been glad to have been sitting down or I would have fainted. As it was, I wasn’t too far from that anyway.
“We’d better get going if we’re going to be ready in time.” said Margaret and herded the other three ladies who were babbling about dances, men and a bunch of things I didn’t want to think about, towards the door. “See you there Donna.”
I could see my reflection in the mirror and it made me feel strange. It wasn’t that I didn’t look good, I did, but I didn’t want to be a girl. I had enough trouble getting people to believe I was a boy most of the time and this just set that back by a few millennia, at the very least.
The young man who first set foot on this tub not two days previously, was gone and the reflected image was one of a young lady with one of those short feathered hairdo’s with blonde highlights just on the tips — the sort of thing Kim Vo from the Extreme Makeover team would do; short but by no means masculine.
She wore a black skirt that ended just above the knee with a deep red blouse in a kind of satiny material. Black shoes with a modest, yet still deadly, heel finished the ensemble. The makeup was definitely evening style; dark around the eyes with a red lipstick that more or less matched the nail polish and the blouse. Of course, under the blouse was a bra filled with these squishy blobs that bounced and jigged sort of authentically and I think, made the look complete.
The overall effect was a total transformation.
So I didn’t have the hips and curves that one would normally associate with the fairer sex, but it didn’t detract one iota from the femininity that exuded from the person that stared back at me.
It was I’m sad to say, frightening.
It didn’t look wrong really and I know there are a lot of TG and TV men out there who would have killed to have had a body and face like mine, but suddenly for me this was like walking into a waking nightmare, the light switches didn't work and I couldn't find my blanket.
“I told you you’d look good.” said Donna, coming and sitting beside me.
“I know, but I don’t know if I can go through with this, I mean, it’s... it’s…”
“A shock? You’ll get over it, honey. We don’t even have to change your name; you’re perfectly fine as you are.”
“Fine? That’s easy for you to say, you’ve probably never been anything other than a girl. For me this is…” I couldn’t finish my sentence because the reflection kept catching my eye and although it was me talking — I could hear that perfectly well, it wasn’t me at the same time. I could see the girl in the mirror talking and for the life of me I couldn’t see that young man I was trying so hard to be. Not only that, but to add insult to injury, the voice seemed to fit, sound more appropriate from ‘her’ than from me.
“I’m sorry.” I said and got up. I grabbed my little bag and stumbled in the shoes to the door yanking it open. The door flew back and I went through, leaving the five women slack-jawed and motionless, staring at the empty space that used to be me.
I didn’t stop running — well running and stumbling until I was pulling on the handle to my own cabin. The low rumble of the engines that shook the very walls was almost a Godsend as I slammed the door behind me and flopped back, leaning against it, breathing hard.
The oval mirror above my wash-hand basin caught most of me and I stared at myself, finding it very difficult to believe what I was seeing. My hair was definitely not masculine and even without the application of makeup I would have been hard-pressed to get away with calling myself a guy, even in men’s clothes. The plucked and shaped eyebrows gave a very definite arch and the pouting expression the lipstick gave took the last traces of ‘me’ away.
God what had just happened? It was making me wonder just who it was that was going to end up enjoying this trip.
I sat on the bed, the noise of the engines and the constant throbbing through the bed made thinking near impossible. I was in something close to a state of panic and I went back to the mirror. I looked and looked to try and see Kim Heasman, but it was not to be. I felt like Sam Beckett, looking in the mirror after one of his Quantum Leaps from one person’s body to another, not quite knowing what to think or now, believe.
The knock on the door brought me back into the present.
I pulled myself together, shrugged off as much of the fear and panic I was feeling as I could and pulled the door open just enough to see who was there.
“Hi.” I said.
It was the ships officer I had spoken to the day before and he looked at me ‘in that way’ - as if he knew what I was doing there in Kim Heasman’s cabin, craning his neck as if to try and catch a glimpse of ‘him’ around the door.
“Is Mr. Heasman there?” he asked, looking me up and down suggestively.
“I’m afraid he’s indisposed at the moment.” I replied. There was no way I was telling him he was looking at him!
“Well, could you give him a message please?” he asked.
“Sure, fire away.”
“His luggage still hasn’t been located. I suggest he comes to see me about it.” he said, giving me details about where to find him etcetera.
“I’ll let him know you called.” I said inwardly vomiting at the salacious way he looked at me.
The door clicked shut and I breathed out explosively. “Jeez, that was weird!” I exclaimed, but I had got away with it. The man who had already spoken to me not twenty-four hours before didn’t recognise me or even give any outward signs that he thought I was anything other than a visitor to Kim’s cabin.
Well at least the ‘he’ Kim was getting a positive reputation!
Meanwhile, I had pulled off a bit of a coup as far as passing was concerned. I don’t know why I was worried, I mean visually, I didn’t have a face like a slapped arse and as I was currently dressed, who would ever suspect?
I sat back on the bed, the reflection of my face visible in the mirror and I couldn’t help being just slightly curious. I mean, I had always had a masculine self image, but that didn’t stop people from making the mistake of thinking that because I was slightly under the average height and build for a bloke, I was actually female. Well there was probably more to it than that, but...
There was another knock on the door.
I couldn’t believe it. I knew no-one on this ship save those women and here I was getting more visitors than I did at home where I knew loads of people.
I opened the door and wasn’t entirely surprised to see Donna standing there.
“Oh, hi Donna.” I said and held the door open for her to enter.
“That was a pretty wild dash back there.”
“Yeah well that was a pretty wild shock too.”
“So what made you come back here?”
“I don’t know. Safety?”
“But you left all your stuff in my cabin.”
I shrugged and looked a little sheepish, but the fact was that not all my stuff was in her cabin, some of it was still hanging from the shower. It was still wet, but it was there. Anyway, I didn’t see that the stuff that was outside my cabin door was mine. Not really.
We argued about it for ages and whatever justification for me not to accept the kindnesses of the passengers, she found ways to contradict. Not all of them I thought were valid either, but as the ‘discussion’ went on, I felt myself losing out to her reasoning until in the end, I felt I had no choice but to accept my current situation and go with the flow.
Alright, call me weak, but after however long it was that we argued — sorry, DISCUSSED the point, the engines were thrumming, her voice was grating and although I know it’s bad, but I gave in. “What the heck?” I thought, I’ve passed once, I can do it again. How hard can it be?
We stepped out of my cabin and I left my shorts and shirt on the shower, but grabbed my little bag and we set off down the corridor. I could have sworn I saw someone dart into an adjoining corridor, but I figured it was just someone going from ‘A’ to ‘B’. I took no notice anyway, feeling that at a time like this, it was bound to be paranoia.
My mind was well and truly on the matter in hand anyway and all the way to Donna’s cabin I was wondering why she was taking so much trouble over me. I hardly knew her after all and she knew me no better, so what was this fascination with getting me into girl’s clothes and makeup?
The boat was busy, there was entertainment and all sorts going off all over the ship what with the restaurants, the ballroom, the night club and other sundry things, but no-one gave me a second look. It helped to bolster my confidence, though I still felt that I stood out like a sore thumb.
Back at Donna’s cabin, I thought everything was going to calm down, but it didn’t. The first thing I faced was the blame that thanks to me we were likely to be late and that she had to go and get ready.
She didn’t need to do what she did, did she and what did she mean by ‘we’?
“Are you ready?” she asked when she came back out of her bedroom, some half an hour later.
“Ready?” I asked. “Ready for what?”
“The dinner/dance silly.” she said.
“You can’t be serious.” I said, the full meaning of the situation suddenly crashing down on me.
“Of course. It’ll be fun and I’ll bet you’re going to be the belle of the ball.”
“Oh, ding-dong.” I said resignedly. She looked back at me with a dangerously arched eyebrow.
“You’re not getting cold feet are you?”
“Cold feet? My feet are the least of my problems. Right now, it would be easier to find the warm bits. You might have said something, let me get used to the idea.”
“I thought I had. Sorry.” she said with that giddiness I knew was false.
“Yeah, well anyway. I don’t know that I can do that.”
“Of course you can. Look, you walked all the way here through all those people and not one took a blind bit of notice of you and what about that crew member that you spoke to earlier?”
She was right of course, but that didn’t mean I wanted to go. I made some lame excuse of not fitting, not feeling as if I was going to pass. Well that just made her angry.
“Look at you. Come on - look!” I turned once again to the mirror and as before, the face of an attractive young woman was staring back at me; that haunted expression deepening as ‘she’ realised that this was permanent — well possibly permanent for the remainder of the cruise.
“Can you honestly see anything wrong with what you’re looking at?” asked Donna, her voice adopting a tone that had with it, more than a hint of steel.
This assertiveness from Donna took me by surprise. She was evidently growing tired of my indecisiveness, but after all, I wasn’t used to this new guise or what it meant, either to me or anyone else.
I was as nervous as hell. I had been given little time to get used to the idea of being this new girl, but I was now being dragged into what I saw as the lion’s den.
Apparently, it was an informal affair and that I suppose was the one thing in its favour.
I was escorted in by the five ladies and kept very quiet. I thought that the less attention I drew, the more likely it would be that I would get out of this alive and with my sanity intact, though the way things were already going that was looking less and less likely.
There was a fair mix of old and young there, which pretty much described our own table and as the evening progressed so did the consumption of wine — my glass never seemed to empty. It must have had a good effect because I felt less self conscious of my appearance, although despite getting decidedly mellow, it never really wholly went away.
My self-consciousness was brought right up front when a guy who was obviously a lot younger than me came and asked me to dance, much to the amusement of the ladies — or those left who weren’t already dancing. I didn’t have the heart to refuse and the remaining ladies would have made me very uncomfortable if I had.
I allowed the youngster — Edward, to dance with me for one number and had the Devil’s own job keeping his hands off my arse. I kept pulling them up to my waist and then as if by magic, they’d be back to cupping and squeezing my cheeks before I knew it. I was happy to bow out gracefully at the end of that number and went to sit back down.
Truthfully, it wasn’t that bad. I suppose that I was beginning to get into character. ‘Kimmy’, as Donna so eloquently put it, was a girl and ‘Kim’ was a boy who seemed to have got left behind on the docks. So it was with an odd kind of detachment that I danced with Edward, although I fervently hoped I wouldn’t need to again.
No such luck. I was dancing pretty much all night and the men ranged from an older bloke of about fifty or more who I think, was trying to piss his wife off and was doing a really good job, to guys not much older than me.
“So how did you find it?” asked Margaret as the band disappeared off.
“Okay, I suppose. I don’t like dancing at the best of times and dancing with men just isn’t my cup of tea, but it’s definitely better than spending the night waiting for my shorts to dry in that noisy cabin.”
“You should hear the noise in that. I can’t believe they put him in there.” said Donna.
We walked back towards Donna’s cabin, the ladies saying good night and peeling off as they reached turn-offs for their own cabins and I continued with Donna, chatting about nothing really, it was just a nice way to round off the evening.
Outside her cabin, I said my goodbyes and was just about to head back down into the vast cavern of the ships interior when Donna asked where I thought I was going.
“Back to my cabin.” I said.
“Don’t be so silly. You can’t go back there.”
“But it’s my cabin, where would you suggest I went? I’m certainly not going back to that lounge; I don’t think I slept at all in there.”
“Of course not. You’re staying here with me.”
She wouldn’t take no for an answer and I was led — almost dragged bodily actually, into the rich grandeur of her suite, my head playing games with images of ‘spending the night’ with Donna. I needn’t have worried. That wasn’t on her mind at all.
I was shown to a spare cabin that alright, didn’t have windows, but it didn’t throb either and after she showed me the various chemicals and stuff I needed to take the makeup off my face with in the bathroom, she told me she’d wait up and we’d have a nightcap together.
I awoke the next morning to rediscover a hairless body, complete with a full-on chubby and that constant feeling of softness as my legs touched and rubbed together, which was further enhanced by the smooth feeling around that certain other part of my body. This of course was made all the more frustrating when I remembered where I was and any eroticism that was floating (or charging full-bore in my case) was dispelled fairly quickly when I realised that I was going to have to get up and do yesterday all over again.
Oh joy.
Donna knocked on my door shortly after realisation dawned.
“Ready for breakfast Kimmy?” she called.
I didn’t like the name Kimmy. It was bad enough that there were two Kim’s in my class at school — one was me and the other was a plain girl who was labelled as a bit of a swot. Now I was actually answering to that feminised version of my name and it grated.
“Be with you in a moment.” I called back, dragging myself out of bed and trying to find something that didn’t look too girly to put on, though trying to find a skirt or panties that “aren’t too girly” is like trying to find a bacon sandwich that isn’t too porky. Fortunately, I remembered that I had shorts and stepped into a pair of those instead.
I wondered whether I could get away without wearing the bra, but upon looking at the shorts I had, not one pair was a male style. Bang went my idea of being just a boy in shorts, no boy on earth would entertain wearing these. Oh well, back to plan ‘A’.
I struggled with the bra, until I sussed that putting it on backwards, doing it up at the front and then spinning it round, was far easier than doing it the other way and despite the heating in the cabins, the ‘chicken fillets’ - blobs of silicone that were my false breasts were still a cold shock when inserted into the cups.
I finished off with the baggiest t-shirt I could find and looked in the mirror. No makeup, shorts and a baggy t-shirt seemed to make me pretty non-descript and moments later I emerged.
“There she is!” said Donna gleefully.
I didn’t like that either. Much as I felt glad that she had come to my rescue, all this girly stuff was hard to get to grips with.
“Here I am.” I replied in a kind of flat tone.
“What’s wrong Kimmy?”
“Nothing! Everything. I don’t know. I just don’t think I’m cut out to be this girl is all.”
“Why? You were brilliant last night. I don’t think there was a man there that didn’t dance with you.”
“Don’t remind me. I don’t think I’m cut out for this because I’m not a girl. I don’t find men attractive and all the time I’m wandering round like this, I feel like I’m being sized up.”
“But that’s half the fun!”
“It maybe fun for you, but not for me. I just feel that I’ll push the wrong or right buttons and it’s curtains for Kimmy. Last night, it was all I could do to stop myself smacking some of those chauvinistic bastards in the teeth.” I shuddered inwardly as Donna had even got me using Kimmy now too.
“Honey; you can always turn them away.”
“I tried that. It didn’t work very well did it?”
“Look, let’s go get some coffee and croissants. I always think better after those, don’t you?”
The idea of coffee and croissants sounded good and I approached the dining room where breakfast was served with some trepidation. After the morning before, I considered it off limits, but then Kim would. Kimmy on the other hand, had never been in there and that was definitely a plus.
True enough, no-one associated the skinny young lady with Donna as the same person who had exited with half a pint of OJ down his front and four maple pancakes on his rear. Breakfast today went without such hitches.
On the way out, I almost bumped into a girl of about my own age. She took my breath away. Our eyes met and I swear that something passed unspoken between us. I exited the breakfast room backwards, unable to take my eyes off the beauty that walked in. She turned and gave me an odd sort of look just before it happened.
I didn’t know anything was there, not until my heel made contact with it. I stumbled backwards and caught the small of my back on the railing. I thought that was it, but suddenly my whole world was turning upside-down — literally!
I shrieked — probably the most girly sound I had made since the transformation. I went over the railing and watched sky and clouds pass by before seeing a swimming pool coming towards me at breakneck speed then — SPLASH!
I surfaced to see a large crowd of people clambering to see what had happened, one of whom was Donna. I swam to the edge and hauled my sorry butt out of the water before balling my fists and stomping a soggy foot several times on the decking and shouting “Oooooh!”, before I realised that the people above and around me were laughing at this bedraggled mess that dripped and muttered as she left the scene in great haste.
I was so pleased when the beauty that had passed me wasn’t among them.
I was still frowning long after Donna had let me into the cabin. The frown stayed until I had showered, changed into dry clothes and she had stopped laughing.
“Oh come on Kimmy, it was funny. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone do that before, well not in the morning anyway. A few have gone in later in the day after being in the bar, but not straight after breakfast.”
“It’s NOT funny.” I said and tried to sound authoritative, but failed miserably and wound up laughing just as hard as Donna.
“You really know how to make an exit and after that scream, I don’t think anyone’s in any doubt about your femininity; certainly not after that foot stomping when you got out.”
Somehow, that didn’t make me feel any better.
She suggested then that I should go out and enjoy myself. Before I could argue, I was hustled out of the cabin and into the daylight wondering why I couldn’t just stay inside where people couldn’t see me. This was especially true since I was back into a skirt and a t-shirt that accentuated my ‘breasts’ rather than hiding them as the breakfast ensemble had.
I wasn’t supposed to be feminine; I was a guy and could prove it.
Okay, so I wasn’t Vin Diesel, but I still had something between my legs that set me on one specific side of the gender divide. It was like a light bulb going on over my head. I was right, I was male and dressing me up as a female wasn’t going to change that.
Yes, I had heard of the poor guys and girls who realise that what’s on the outside doesn’t match what was on the inside, or had been born with both, but I wasn’t either of those things. I was male and intended to stay that way.
The first thing on my mind was to find out how much it would cost to change me back. Okay, the hair was something I could live with — sort of, but the clothes weren’t me and neither was being this girl they all seemed to think I was.
Looking in the various shops or ‘outfitters’ as they prefer, I was treated to a view of what shopping in Harrods must be like and I realised very quickly indeed that providing myself with an alternative wardrobe would not only be costly, but even to replace to a minimum would leave me virtually penniless for the rest of the trip.
This was like a kick in the soft bits — a challenge to my masculinity. I was sure in my own mind that I wasn’t a woman, but a man. I was masculine and liked all things masculine. The only way I liked feminine was when it was on a female. I liked the way that lingerie looked on someone with curves and all those interesting lumps and bumps.
I wasn’t going to be able to just slope off to the shops, buy myself a new set of duds and amble out as Kim Heasman — man about town. I would have been lucky to have wandered out with a pair of trousers or shorts, a couple of pairs of underwear, two or three t-shirts and no more money.
After realising I wasn’t going to be able to do it my way, I didn’t feel like I had any choice in the matter. I had lost out to an absurd situation that any way I looked at it, had got me solidly by the short and curlies. I was in it up to my ears and the only way out seemed to entail playing along with whatever was going on.
Not what I wanted to hear, especially from me.
I needed to go sit somewhere quiet and think. As much as I disliked being in this guise, I didn’t look bad, I mean I actually looked quite natural, so at least I had that on my side, although that was sure to haunt me after this was all over.
I wandered round for some time and with few areas on a ship like this that can be called quiet it took ages to find anywhere where I could just go sit and be alone. I didn’t want to be on my own, but under the circumstances, I really needed to gather my thoughts and try and figure this out.
Eventually on one of the mid levels, I found an area that was largely unoccupied. I sat down on one of the deck chairs and gazed out over the sea. It wasn’t warm, but it was out of the way and that was reassuring.
I’d been there for about an hour when a voice said “Hello.” I looked up and saw the girl from the breakfast room.
I was a bit flustered to begin with because I saw something in her that had I been plain Kim, I would have liked to have seen develop. Right now, I didn’t know who I was, what I was or why I was even there. I was just biding my time until either it was time to go home or Donna grew weary of this play-acting and I could get back to some semblance of normality — whichever happened sooner.
“Hi. You were at breakfast this morning weren’t you?” I asked.
“Yeah. Have you any idea what all that ruckus was about just after you left?”
I most certainly did, but whether I should tell her was something I wasn’t sure of. Oh well, in for a penny as they say.
“I fell in the pool.” I said and could feel that crimson tide running up my cheeks.
“What?”
“I fell in the pool.” I said again, blushing even more. “Straight over the railings and ‘splosh!’”
“No!” she said with ever widening eyes. “Not the one two decks down?”
“The very same.”
“That must be about twenty feet or more.” she said. “Are you alright?”
“That’s a matter of opinion.” I said. “But physically I’m okay. No broken bones, just a severely bruised ego.”
“Well that’s alright then.”
“Depends which way you look at it.” I said philosophically. “I’m not so sure, but then I’m not so sure of anything right now.”
“May I sit down, I’ve been all over this ship over the last few hours and my feet are killing me.”
“Be my guest. I may not be the best company though.”
“You seem alright to me.” she said giving me a smile that if certain things hadn’t been firmly tucked into my panties, may well have given ‘rise’ to other things and those were what right now I was trying hard to ignore.
“Thanks.” I said.
She introduced herself to me as Lucy and I introduced myself as Kim. I didn’t even think about how I looked, but thankfully it didn’t matter. Just as well my name wasn’t Herbert or something.
We chatted about all sorts of things for what must have been ages. We watched the sun travel across the sky and start to set on the horizon before she made her excuses to leave.
“It’s been really nice talking to you.” she said. “I’m here with older relatives and I know it’s really good of them to have me along, but they’re a little difficult to get on with when it comes to understanding people of my age.”
“I know. They can’t understand the music for a start.” I joked. “In my day, you could understand the words.” I said, making a fair impersonation of an old voice and for the first time since I started this cruise, I was laughing and feeling comfortable.
“Oh well… best get back.” she said and off she went.
I watched Lucy walk away along the deck, wondering whether I should have offered to walk to wherever it was that she was going, but I just let her go. I reasoned that if I had walked her back — the gentlemanly thing to do, she may have thought I was making a play for her, and that would probably have led to all sorts of odd and unanswerable questions, so I didn’t - did that mean I wasn’t interested?
Jesus. This being a girl thing doesn’t half get complicated sometimes.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her though. The reasons were obvious. She was pretty — boy was she pretty and she was my age — I guessed. We were on the same wavelength or appeared to be, with many of the same hopes, fears and aspirations. There were obvious differences — like the fact that she was a girl, while I was just being dressed up to look like one, but it was nice to have someone to talk to who wasn’t trying to force me into being someone I really didn’t want to be.
“So what you been up to?” asked Donna when I returned.
“Nothing; I just sat and chatted with one of the passengers.”
I must have seemed upbeat and I was, but it wasn’t because I was happy as I was. It was all down to having met someone who seemed to put me at ease. I didn’t think Lucy thought of me as anything, just someone to chat to. I hoped it would go further though. Anyway, Donna didn’t press and I wasn’t going to volunteer anything.
“You’d better get changed. I’ve booked us a table at Antoine’s later.”
“What’s Antoine’s?” I asked, though really it wasn’t hard to work out that it was going to be one of the restaurants on board.
“A very nice place to eat, now come on, chop-chop and put something good on.”
“Something good?” I thought. I had hoped that asking about the restaurant would prompt Donna to divulge a little more about the plan for the evening, but no. It was going to be another one of those things I have to walk into blind and hope that it’s not going to involve dancing - again.
To be continued…
Chapter 3
By Nick B
(C) 2007
The one where Kim makes a decision
Kris yet again worked miracles, not because the script was bad, but because she was having a really crappy day, her laptop has been pronounced D.O.A. and she still managed to get this back to me. Well done Kris!
Antoine’s was a fairly intimate place and involved a dinner for the two of us.
“So how are you getting on?” she asked.
I don’t know quite what she expected me to say. So far over the last two days, I had been plonked into a situation I clearly had little or no control over and wasn’t at all sure which way was up. Were I at home I would no more of dreamed of dressing this way than flying unaided, but here I was, dolled up to the nines, as a girl.
I could see that the dinner and dance outing was well, probably a bit of a joke, but to continue to push me out into the big, wide world like this was fast losing its appeal — if it had any to begin with.
I knew I was fighting against something that I couldn’t do much about, well not immediately and it felt like falling — I knew I couldn’t stop it and I also knew that the fall itself wasn’t going to be bad, but the sharp stop at the end, now that was something else entirely.
“Alright, I suppose.” I said, not really sure why what was happening was happening and definitely unsure that dressing me up like some cheap alternative to the Spice Girls was the answer to my predicament. I wondered why rather than taking me to dinner, she couldn’t have sported the cash for some emergency clothing?
“Huh!” she said, looking somewhat deflated. “There’s gratitude for you.”
“It’s not that I’m not grateful, it’s just that I don’t feel right like this. I appreciate how much support people have given; donating their clothes and whatnot, but I’m not a girl, I’m a boy — well man and…” I shrugged and looked back at my wine glass.
“Are you sure? You look better than some girls I have seen and a damned sight more attractive than you did when you first came on board.”
There was no denying that my current guise was better presented, but that didn’t detract from the fact that what I was, (was) well, male and what I looked like was female. Whether I looked better as one over the other wasn’t the point. I leant across the table and said the next part quietly.
“Why can you not understand that just because I don’t look particularly masculine, doesn’t mean I will just drop straight into the guise of a girl and enjoy it. I’ve spent my whole life — short as it is — knowing I’m no stud to look at, but I’ve got used to it and that’s the way it is. Despite my shortcomings, I still want to look male, or as near as I can manage, not this, this… whatever you’ve made me into.” I said plucking roughly at my blouse and making Donna wince.
The rest of dinner was rather more subdued. Donna kept throwing me glances, I suspect to see whether I was likely to get angrier than she thought I was already. I wasn’t angry, just frustrated. I didn't feel I fitted like this and wanted out. I wanted to be dressed in clothes I felt comfortable in and sit on the deck, drifting along enjoying the cruise, but if the last couple of days were anything to go by, that wasn’t likely.
There was something I’d observed about women and that is that as long as they haven’t got a face like a bag of spanners and a halfway reasonable bod, they will get hit on. I was hit on plenty during the dance and I didn’t like it then. I didn’t suppose that more exposure to it would make it any better but it did kind of go with the territory. However, spending the rest of my three week cruise politely telling blokes to sod off wasn’t my idea of fun.
“Look, I know it’s not the perfect situation, but I was planning on going to the nightclub after this. Why don’t you come along? If it’s no good you can always leave.” There was me thinking I had got away with not having to ‘shake my thang’ and there I was — again. This time though, it wasn’t in a fairly brightly lit ballroom, but more intimate surroundings and with music that was much more up my street. This time Donna’s idea to go to the nightclub was welcome.
I kept thinking about Lucy and well, you know how it goes — thinking I’d got a chance, if only I could get back into man-clothes.
My heart nearly missed a beat when there she was. She came rushing over to me and nearly swept me off my feet.
“I’m so glad you came.” she said, giving me a hug.
“I’m glad you’re here. I would feel a bit like a fish out of water without you.”
“You needn’t, you wouldn’t be alone for long.”
I wanted to tell her that being alone would be preferable to being preyed upon by men. I just smiled and we went to the bar to get some drinks.
I was hoping to dance with her and we did, but together, not ‘together’, which I suppose was expected, but soon enough, fellas were dancing with us and whilst I felt rather uncomfortable, she was in her element.
I was dreading the slow dance and bowed out after a couple of numbers only to be followed back to the table I had found by the guy who thought he was dancing with me. Well we WERE in the same vicinity, but… Anyway, his name was Saul and he was all about him. “I this…” and “I that…” and within minutes I was almost yawning.
Fortune smiles on the brave though and having not told him to bugger off like I was thinking, he was still yakking on and on when Lucy and her fella, Eric, returned. She sat down beside me and we started chatting amongst the four of us, which was no mean feat with the loud music.
When our glasses were empty, I was going to do the gentlemanly thing and get refills — I’m going to have to remember about this as there ARE advantages to being part of the fairer sex — but Eric offered instead.
“What do you think?” asked Lucy as the two blokes disappeared towards the bar.
“What about?”
“Eric, silly.”
“Oh, um, I don’t know. Do you like him?”
“I don’t know. He’s a bit full of himself.”
“Mine too. Didn’t stop talking about himself all the time you were dancing.” We laughed at the daftness of men and decided that we’d have a drink with these two and then give them the bum’s rush, I think Lucy had the idea that we would find more suitable beaus. I was just hoping to get the hell out of there.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t enjoying the sounds or the atmosphere, but I wasn’t in any way pleased at the prospect of watching Lucy team up with some la-di-dah Neanderthal and bugger off with him, leaving me to team up with some other equally macho slob, whose idea of impressing a girl was half of lager, a quick jig on the dance floor, then out the back for a swift knee-trembler.
Saul and Eric returned and were looking quite smug. They put drinks down in front of each of us and sat down. I don’t know quite what was on their minds — well I do, but I was trying desperately to steer well clear of all that mucky stuff.
We were both a little tipsy and were doing things that girls do, clowning around, getting quite close to one another and when I turned my head to see her face just an inch or two from mine, I took my chance and gave her a kiss, which got a roar of approval from the two guys.
The response wasn’t exactly what I expected or hoped for, but in the cold light of day, I guess that to suddenly find yourself, lips crushed together with those of another girl, may well be a little disconcerting. It wasn’t for me, but then I wasn’t a girl (despite appearances) and I was thinking about her from a guy’s perspective. Boy this could get very confusing.
She just giggled and I could see that it was all taken in fun; you know the way girls can be so close as to appear intimate without fearing being seen as lezzies.
For me it was quite a rush. God I wish she had taken that kiss as seriously as I.
Anyhow, by the end of the evening, we were pretty razzed and having ditched Saul and Eric, we wandered back towards her cabin arm in arm, singing the refrain from a song by a popular beat combo, whilst trying to walk in a straight line and not giggle quite so much. We reached the door to her cabin and although I wanted to give her another kiss, she hugged me instead and then kissed my cheek.
“I’ve had a really good time.” she said and giggled again. “Good night Kim, see you tomorrow.”
I wandered back towards Donna’s cabin, but found it locked and knocking didn’t get me anywhere, so I headed back to mine.
The next morning I had a bit of a hangover and having just crashed out on arrival back at my cabin, I looked like a panda too. As much as washing got the majority of the makeup off and looking better, I needed some remover to clean it off properly. I also needed a change of clothes. The only place I knew I could get them was Donna’s cabin. This living between the two, wasn’t working out particularly well, since she was the only one with a key for hers.
Still she was up and about when I got there and didn’t seem in the least bit distressed that I had gone back to my cabin the night before. I showered, cleaned myself up and reapplied some eyeliner, since it was the only thing I knew how to do properly, humming the same tune that Lucy and I had been singing on the way back after the nightclub.
“Who’s a happy bunny this morning then?” asked Donna as I exited the bathroom, combing my hair. I just shrugged; looking a little smug I suppose and grinned. “Well, well, well and don’t we look nice this morning?”
This looking ‘nice’ was something I was actually getting into. The fact that it was looking girly nice didn’t seem to matter. I enjoyed the compliments I was getting for having made an effort, however simply the things I did were done. True I had a lot to learn about makeup, but slapping a bit of eyeliner on was something after a couple of stabs in the eye, one tends to get good at quite quickly.
“How did you get on last night?” she asked on the way to the breakfast bar.
“I got a bit drunk.” I replied.
“I know that, but what about the other thing?” she pressed, nudging me with her elbow and grinning like a Cheshire cat.
I was about to ask “What other thing?” but remembered the two fellas Lucy and I were with, then the penny dropped. She thought that Lucy and I got off with a couple of blokes. How many times was I going to have to tell her that I wasn’t that way inclined?
“Oh, you know…” I said and left it hanging. There were far too many people about to start trying to explain to someone that didn’t want to hear that I hadn’t even got into kissing, let alone horizontal jogging.
“Ah-ha!” she exclaimed and it was her turn to look incredibly smug. I on the other hand, shook my head resignedly and considered putting the next one into the ships hospital just to show her what can happen when you try touching me where it matters.
Breakfast was cool. Some hot coffee and croissants was fast becoming a firm favourite with me. I was usually a cornflakes and cup of tea bloke - if that most days. Maybe it was the sea air.
Lucy was coming in with another couple as I was finishing up. I was glad I took the time to have a shower and make myself look presentable.
It seemed odd now I come to think about it; that I should be applying makeup and putting clean and pressed girl clothes on to impress another girl. On the face of it, for a boy, it’s the most natural thing in the world, but when you consider that I look like a girl and I’m trying to impress a girl who’s into boys…
Perhaps I was deluding myself. The kissing thing was something that was drink induced. Sober, I don’t suppose she would stand for that. I guess I could try and find out, but right now, having someone that I thought trustworthy was much more important than the thought of a short bout of tonsil hockey under the life boat — in lieu of there being no bike sheds.
“Hi Kim.” she said with a note of hangover in her voice.
“So this is the famous Kim is it?” said one of the older couple who entered the breakfast bar with her. Well, I say ‘older’ but they couldn’t have been more than thirty-five if that.
“Sorry. Pete, Gil, this is Kim. Kim, this is my Uncle Pete and Aunty Gil.”
“I’m not your auntie, Lucy!” the young woman admonished.
“Well, it’s easier than telling the truth.”
I wondered what that meant, but it was followed by a few seconds of awkward silence that often hangs in front of you after someone puts their foot in it as Pete, Gill and Lucy all looked as though they wished they hadn’t bothered getting up that morning.
“The croissants are very good today and the coffee’s delicious as usual.” I said brightly, trying to divert the attention from two red faces and one look of obstinacy. No prizes for guessing who was looking tight-lipped and obstinate.
When breakfast was over and everyone had stopped looking daggers at Lucy, who was studiously playing the part of the aloof teenager, she grabbed me and nearly dragged me out of the breakfast bar. Pete shouted “where are you going?” and Lucy rolled her eyes.
“As if I can go far on this tin can!” she said tutting loudly.
I couldn’t help but smile. There we were, probably a good couple of hundred miles from anything that could remotely be described as dry land and they were asking her where she was going. She pulled me to her, threaded her arm through mine and we wandered off down the deck, the slightly chilly breeze blowing through our hair. We walked in near silence, just the odd sentence here and there to punctuate the sound of the sea and the breeze.
It was then that it dawned on me. I was assuming that Lucy wasn’t into me, yet she clearly was, but in what way? The one thing that I hadn’t done was ask her about it.
“Um, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” I asked; my voice no more than a hoarse whisper.
“Sorry, what was that?” she asked. I blushed.
“Would you like to join me for dinner?” I asked.
My heart was in my mouth as I watched closely for a reaction. She seemed to think about it for a while before telling me what I least wanted to hear.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea.” she said.
“Why?” I asked. “You like me and I like you. What’s wrong with that?”
“I don’t want to be with you — that way.”
“What; you’ll eat breakfast with me and walk arm in arm down the decks of this ship, but you won’t eat dinner with me?”
“Um, it’s a bit more than that.”
“Well; what more?” I asked.
“I can’t say.” she said and broke away from me, running off up the deck and round the corner.
“What did I say?” I wondered, which was followed swiftly by “Why me?”
I wandered dejectedly back to Donna’s cabin and knocked on the door. I needed to tell her that one way or another I needed to get back to being Kim the slovenly, unkempt, but above all — Male.
I had less money now than I started with and I was trying to formulate a plan for getting some clothes as an alternative to looking like a teenage girl, which wasn’t doing anything for my love life and whilst I had learned the skill of makeup application and how to pick out an outfit, but that wasn't really what I wanted, was it?
Donna answered the door.
“This really isn’t a good time, Kimmy. Can you come back in an hour, no make it two?”
“Brilliant!” I thought as she closed the door. “This is just getting better and better.”
I wandered even more dejectedly back to my cabin. That noisy hole in the depths of beyond and wondered whether I should bother to ever come back out again. I was about to turn into the corridor and go down to my cabin when I heard voices.
“You haven’t seen him?” said a woman’s voice. I was sure I recognised it but couldn’t quite place it.
“How can you call that a him?” said another, a man this time.
“There’s no need to be like that, it’s not his fault.”
“Wouldn’t catch me getting caught up in all that, I mean, imagine dressing up as a girl for God’s sake.” The man laughed, a bitter derisive laugh that made me want to go and confront him, but I just hung back.
“You’re a nasty, nasty man, d’you know that?” said the woman.
“And I should care why?”
“Just tell him that Margaret’s looking for him.”
“I’ll try and remember.”
“Make sure you do. Cabin 15C.”
I imagine that was the officer that knocked on my door the other day. There I was thinking that I had passed with flying colours and all the time he already knew and that was confirmed as first Margaret went past and then a couple of seconds later, the officer sauntered past too. I slipped quietly round the corner to my cabin.
I was stuffed. I thought Donna and a few of her friends were the only ones who knew I was not a girl, but it appears I was wrong.
I took my shorts and shirt down to the ships laundry and waited for them to do before I almost ran back to my cabin. I got out of Kim-en-femme, into Kim, scrubbed my face to try and clear off all the makeup, slicked my hair back into something a little more befitting for a boy and headed for cabin 15C.
To be continued…
By Nick B
(c) 2007
The one where Donna shows her true colours
Another big hug and thanks to Kris for doing the proofing on this one - twice! She has nerves of steel I'm tellin' you.
I decided to visit that officer before going to see Margaret. I figured that there was just an outside chance that I had been wrong about the two blokes that said they would deal with my baggage. Well, you never know.
Thinking about the officer’s visit to the cabin made my skin crawl. There was just something about him that I didn’t trust. It wasn’t just his outspoken prejudice, but for a person in his position, the way he spoke to Margaret was unforgivable. I wondered what he might have to say.
I needed to visit the little boy’s room en-route and when I saw my hair in the mirror I just had to do something with it. I damped it down, well in fact I totally soaked it, scraped it this way and that and STILL it looked feminine. I needed something to cover it since there was nothing I seemed able do to it to make it look less like a girl’s haircut. Coupled with the shaped brows, I was having a hard time seeing me as a male, despite the change of clothes and judging by the looks I got on exiting the gents, so were a few others.
I bought a baseball cap since it was cheap and pulled it on. Looking in the small mirror on the sunglasses rack, it did make a difference, but not as much as I was hoping for. Unless I pulled it down right over my eyes, you could still see the eyebrows and they kind of gave the game away.
Oh well, deep breath and off to that officer’s office.
I know, I keep referring to him as ‘that officer’, but I didn’t know who the hell he was. He wore a cap and had things on his shoulders, so as far as I was concerned, he was an officer. He was also an arsehole, but I felt it best to let him dig that hole for himself. He didn’t need my help there.
I arrived at his office and knocked on the door.
“Come!” said a stern voice from within. He was sat behind a desk, smug-looking and wearing an expression that made me want to stand with my back to the wall.
He told me to shut the door and sit down almost dismissively. I didn’t think his tone went with placating a passenger who through no fault of his own (as far as he was concerned) had lost all his baggage and had been left to fend for himself.
“You left a message for me to come and see you.” I said as ingratiatingly as possible, trying to use politeness to offset his abrasiveness.
“Yes, it’s about your baggage.”
“You’ve found it?” I said, knowing damned well he hadn’t and neither had anyone else on this damned floating sardine can.
“I’m afraid not. Apparently it wasn’t brought aboard.”
“Why ever not?” I asked, knowing that Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dummer on the docks were probably responsible for that mishap. “What am I supposed to do? Do you have any suggestions?” I asked.
“What’s wrong with that other look you seemed to have got good at?”
“Sorry?”
“Well, the skirts, blouses, heels.” There was an extra bit of leering when he said the word ‘heels’. I could feel myself blushing and getting just the teeniest bit pissed off.
“That wasn’t my idea and I wouldn’t have dressed like that at all had I not had my baggage misplaced for me.” I contested hotly. “So look. I can’t keep on wearing this all the time can you help?”
“I’m sorry, but no we can’t. You do have an alternative, so I feel that you should do just fine.” he answered, giving me a grin that said a lot more than the words alone.
I was furious and getting furiouser — I don’t know how else to describe my feelings at that time. I was hoping that if he saw me in what amounted to men’s clothes I would have got a bit more respect, but I was wrong.
Once again I was on back to square one. I sat waiting for him to relay the message from Margaret, but it didn’t happen.
“Well?” he asked in that downright condescending way of his.
“Nothing.” I almost spat and left the office.
I closed the door to his office and couldn’t believe that that was it. Not only did he not feel it necessary to help, but worse, he seemed to take a kind of sadistic delight in watching me suffer as a result of this baggage fiasco.
I really didn’t like that man.
Perhaps he didn’t like me either and that was just his way of showing it.
I hoped I would have better luck with Margaret.
Ooh it made me mad.
The sea air or something about that vast apparent emptiness seemed to blow out the fire that was raging inside and I calmed down.
It occurred to me that this was the first time since this trip started, barring the first day that is, that I hadn’t had to worry about whether my boobs were straight, my hair just so or whether my makeup was okay and instead, I found myself worrying about other aspects of how I looked.
I knew I looked hideous in the clothes I was currently wearing, not least because of the nail polish that I had completely overlooked in trying to look ‘manly’. Reluctantly, I had to concede that although they were meant for a girl, I did look more presentable en-femme, so I headed back to my cabin and the outfit I wore for breakfast.
It was some time later that I knocked on the door of cabin 15C.
There was no reply.
I knocked again, louder this time and waited…
…and waited…
…and finally knocked again.
Despite the hefty pounding I gave and fears that my knuckles were now damaged, I received no reply from her cabin and only managed to bring the man from 16C out instead.
“What the hell’s going on out here?” he demanded. I looked at him and I could see he was just about ready to punch me out, but stopped short when he saw what he thought was a girl. “Sorry, it’s just that the wife’s seasick, has a migraine and only minutes ago, there was a right old racket going on out here. I have no idea what was happening, but all this noise is doing nothing to alleviate her discomfort.”
“I’m so sorry.” I replied. “I didn’t mean to disturb you. I’ll call back later.”
He disappeared closing the door behind him, leaving me wondering what had happened. Revellers perhaps? Probably not at this time of the day, but my gut feeling was that Margaret was somehow involved and that intrigued me.
I still had about an hour to kill before Donna was about, so I decided to go tour the ship. There were shows and café’s, shops and pools — even a gymnasium — not that I was going to even try and put on a leotard. Come to think of it, I wasn’t going to be able to use the pools either, not without drawing an awful lot of attention. Still, coffee sounded good.
Café Paris was fairly quiet. It was a real tables-and-chairs-on-the-pavement affair and after a while of sitting outside sipping a cappuccino and watching this micro-world go by, one could be forgiven for forgetting that this was a ship, not some arcade or backstreet off the Champs Elysées - minus the cobblestones of course!
I suppose being in such a small community, it was only a matter of time before Lucy and I bumped into one another again. She was walking alone across the atrium and I don’t think she noticed me until it was too late. I got up and went across to her.
“Hiya. How are you feeling?” I asked.
“Um, okay, I guess.” she replied and I could feel the tension growing.
“Would you like to join me for a coffee? I can say without fear of contradiction, that the cappuccino is quite excellent.” I said dramatically. I don’t think she wanted to, but she wound up smiling and well, I think she just gave in.
We sat there for a good couple of hours in the end. I asked her if she’d eaten and whether she had plans. I had no intentions of candle-lit anything, but after three cappuccinos, I needed to eat something before my stomach turned on me.
“Just a snack maybe?” I asked.
To my utter amazement, she agreed and the two of us headed for the food court that was about as impersonal as one could get.
I was hungrier than I thought and went and got seconds of everything, returning with a full plate, to wide eyes from Lucy.
“How… Your figure… You can’t possibly…”
I just grinned.
“I have a high metabolism and right now, I think I need it. It’s not quite as relaxing as I thought this cruising thing.”
“Why?”
“Oh, I don’t know, it’s just not what I expected. Not what I expected at all.”
“Don’t you like it?”
“It’s not really a case of not liking it; it’s more a case of not being able to be myself.” I almost had to kick myself under the table for that one. Lucy looked at me with a kind of questioning look.
“Is it because of me?”
“Sort of, but no. Not really. It’s complicated and…”
“Ah there you are.” said Pete. As usual, Gil was beside him. “Hello Kim.”
“Hi, I hope you don’t mind me dragging Lucy here to lunch.”
“Not at all. It’s nice to see her out and about instead of moping round the cabin.” said Gil. The look that Lucy gave her could have curdled cream at several hundred yards. “She needs someone of her own age to have fun with.” Another daggers expression from Lucy, which seemed to go unnoticed by Gil or Pete.
“Well, you look as though you’re enjoying yourselves, so try and stay out of trouble. We’ll see you back at the cabin later.”
That was that. A very embarrassed looking Lucy was doing her best to hide the look of horror that was unmistakable on her extremely pretty face.
“What?” she demanded. I tried to keep my face straight.
“Nothing.” I said as matter-of-factly as I could muster.
“Good!” she said. I couldn’t help it, I just burst out laughing and pretty soon, we were both laughing.
“Do you fancy a dip in one of the pools?” she asked.
“Oh shit!” I thought. There’s no way I can hide inside even a tight one-piece. For one or rather two things, my ‘breasts’ wouldn’t stay where I put them, plus, even in cold water, my manliness — such as it would be at low temperature — would be unmistakeable
“Er, I can’t.” I said rather nervously.
“What, can’t swim?”
“Oh, I swim just fine - like a brick in fact, but I can’t. I’ll happily join you and watch from the side, but I can’t.”
“Spoilsport. Come on, it’ll be lovely.”
“I’m sure it will, but I don’t think so, not today.”
“Ah! Why didn’t you say?”
I had to think for a moment on how to answer that one, but then it dawned on me. She thought I meant I had the curse. Works for me.
“I didn’t think it proper.” I said.
“Another time then.”
“Yes.”
I think I meant it, but right now, it just made me feel better knowing I wasn’t going to have to besport myself in the nuddie or at least not have to worry about who saw that beneath this feminine exterior, throbs… well anyway it does whenever Lucy’s around.
We talked a lot, sitting close together most of the time and I wished the day would never end. It didn’t have to, but it was getting cold outside, she wanted a shower and would eventually be going off for dinner and I figured I could do with a change of clothes for dinner too.
I went back to Donna’s cabin. I didn’t think anything of having spent all day out with Lucy, but evidently, Donna didn’t feel the same way.
“Where have you been?” she demanded. I have to say, I was shocked. I didn’t think it any of her business.
“Here and there.” I replied as casually as I could.
“So what; my cabin is a bloody hotel is it?”
“Er, that was you idea, not mine. Look, I’ll get my stuff and go back to my cabin if it’s all the same. It was starting to grate anyway, having to live between the two.”
“You’ll do no such thing. You’ll come in this instant. I definitely need to have a few words with you.”
Since when did she become my mother?
I went inside as I figured that whatever rant she was going off on, would just sail over my head. Then I could pick up my stuff (well alright, the stuff I’d been given) and then go back to my cabin. It might be noisy and it might not have the same luxurious quality as Donna’s but at least I could come and go as I pleased.
“I said be back in two hours didn’t I?”
“You say a lot of things, Donna and I’m under no obligation to pay any attention to any of them if I don’t want. Frankly I’m tired of acting the perfect little girl for you and as much as it pains me, I have no choice but to continue dressing this way until I get home and I don’t need you telling me what t do.”
“Of all the nerve!” she spluttered. “I give you the hospitality of my suite and this is how you repay me?”
“You want paying? I had no idea this all came with a price tag. I thought being trapped in this hell-hole of a disaster was payment enough. Sod it! I’m getting my stuff and I’m outta here!”
I turned to walk away to what I had considered my room when there was a sharp pain in the back of my head and twinkles round the eyes before my knees gave way and the lights went out.
“That was quite a nasty fall you had.” said Donna.
The man with her, peering over a pair of half-moon glasses introduced himself as Dr. Weintraub. I tried to sit up, my face contorting with the rage of her saying I fell for one thing and the fact that I wanted to tell the doctor it was no fall, but I failed to do so, for another.
“Stay vhere you are, young lady. I haff giffen you a mild sedatiff, you should sleep.”
I vaguely remember Donna thanking the good doctor for his time and him saying something about glad to be of help. He also said something about a check up with regards to the ‘other’ medicine.
What other medicine?
Again the lights went out.
I have no idea how long I was out, no idea what odd chemicals were now floating around in my body and no idea how long Donna planned on keeping me here. All I knew was that I was pretty scared.
“Ah, you’re awake.”
“No thanks to you. A ‘fall’ was it?”
“Well I had to do something. I didn’t want to resort to drugs, especially since you seemed to be doing so well, but you forced my hand.”
“Drugs? What sort of drugs?”
“Just a little something to make you a little more relaxed about things; give you a bit more incentive to be the Kimmy we all know and love.”
“It won’t work you know.” I said, finding it difficult to get my head round this latest turn of events. Of course if my head didn’t hurt so much in the first place, perhaps that would have made things a little easier.
“Oh I guarantee that they’ll work. Dr. Weintraub has given you a small implant. That should take no longer than a month to get to grips with your masculinity. Fortunately, you’re such a wimp anyway; it should help speed up the process. You should start seeing results in a week or two.
“What have you done to me?”
“I haven’t done anything and if you hadn’t been so intent on doing you own thing rather than doing as I asked, perhaps none of this would have been necessary. Anyway, it’s time for your shot. The good doctor suggested you stay in bed until your head heals and I’m inclined to agree. Looks like you’ll be spending the next three or four days here.”
I tried; God knows I tried to fight her off, but I just didn’t have the energy or strength for that matter and a few seconds later, a slight jab in the arm was followed shortly afterwards by blackness.
My ears were ringing, my body was shaking and the bump on the back of my head was still tender, feeling like a large bird - probably an ostrich laid it — though thankfully not nearly as painful as it was. I had trouble standing and even more trouble moving once I’d managed that.
“Nice to see you up and about.” said Donna.
“Only just.” I said.
“Whatever. You’re up and that’s the main thing. Do you feel well enough to go to breakfast?”
I was famished. I didn’t know how long I was sedated, was it three days, four or was it longer. Anyway, I was absolutely starving. Had I not eaten as much as I had with Lucy, how ever long ago that was, I think I’d be feeling even worse today — if that’s possible.
“I think I can manage.” I replied.
“No funny stuff. Otherwise I’ll have to get good Dr. Weintraub in to sort you out on a more permanent basis. You might as well just relax and enjoy the trip.”
“There’ll be no funny stuff Donna.” I said resignedly, scarcely able to shuffle along, my head still feeling woozy.
We made our way to the breakfast room — incidentally also known as the food court. Running away wasn’t likely as much as I wanted to. I had to be helped along by Donna the whole way and I felt such a twit getting in there and walking like a bloody geriatric.
The one thing about going to breakfast there was the possibility of meeting up with Lucy. Well that and the delicious croissants and coffee they served at breakfast time. I started this time with some orange juice, followed by croissants and I have to say, it was harder to get them down than I thought.
The coffee tasted weird too. I don’t know whether that’s as a result of the shots, feeling bad or what, but I stomached it because I knew it would make me feel better and to help it along, I had my fingers crossed.
I hoped it would make me feel more like a human and less like a poor excuse for one, but I have to say that the wooziness didn’t go away. I don’t know what the drugs they had been giving me were, but food wasn’t having the desired effect on quelling the queasy feelings I had in my stomach.
You can’t know how pleased I was when Donna went off to the toilet and almost immediately in came Pete, Gil and Lucy. They came and sat at my table and as bad as I felt, I gave them all a big smile.
We’ve missed you, or at least ONE of us has! Have you been hiding?” asked Pete, smiling at me and giving Lucy a quick sideways glance, though I could see that Lucy looked a lot less pleased with that remark than I was. I could feel the shakes starting to build and I just HAD to get out of there as quickly as I could.
“Not exactly.” I said. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re here. Any chance you can give me a hand to get out of here?”
By Nick B
© 2007
I never wanted to go on this damned cruise. Three weeks of moochin’ about with my uncle and his partner. That’s not his partner as in living together and sex type partner, but his working partner.
I have no idea what they do, but it seems pretty important; important enough to be going to New York on a boat anyway. Taking weeks off was not something everyone did whenever they liked, but these two seemed to have no problem.
Anyway, Uncle Pete asked me if I’d like to go and I virtually got volunteered by mum, who thought it was a wonderful idea. I'll give her wonderful.
“Get out, see the world” she said and let me tell you, I’ve been on this ship a week now and the world I’ve been seeing hasn’t changed. Well it does change, I mean, it sort of alternates between sea, sky, clouds; sea and sky with no clouds and sea and clouds. The one fixed item being sea. Sometimes it’s rough, sometimes it’s smooth, but mostly it’s just there. If I never see sea ever again I won’t care.
If this place wasn’t like a glorified holiday camp, I wonder what people would find to do. I suppose they could always hold bets on when the next ship would appear on the horizon.
I’m sorry, do I sound a tad bitter? Well I suppose I am. I’m sharing a cabin with Uncle Pete and Aunty Gil and that sucks. Her real name is Gillian, but she hates being called Aunty. I like that, so I call her it as often as possible. It helps to break up the day.
So anyway, there I was, minding my own business going in to breakfast when suddenly I see this girl. She’s leaving the food court as I’m going in and - I’m starting to blush at the thought - I felt something there; you know like attraction. I later discovered that apparently she felt the same, but anyway, I just carried on to breakfast when I hear all this commotion outside. I didn’t know what happened until afterwards, but there was a huge ruckus when she apparently ended up going over the railing and down into the pool about twenty feet below. She was alright thank goodness, but none too impressed with her early morning dip.
She’s funny and her name is Kim. We spent the whole of the rest of that day together and at the end I thought that the trip might not have been such a bad thing after all. It’s weird but I get tingly when I see her and I’m not sure I like it. I don’t really want a ‘girlfriend’, well I don’t — that’s it and all about it.
A couple of days later, we met in the nightclub. It’s the first time I’d been out that late and there she was. We picked up a couple of boys and blew them off - I mean dumped them, silly - after a couple of drinks and spent the rest of the time clowning around.
Then it happened.
She kissed me, or did I kiss her?
Whatever, I was pretty drunk, but then so was she and we just found ourselves there, face to face, our lips just a fraction of an inch apart and then they touched. God it felt like someone had wired my lips to a battery or something and I was well upset when it finished. She could have taken all night the way it felt, I wouldn’t have minded.
The next day of course, I felt guilty as hell. I had really enjoyed that kiss and at that admission, the real meaning of what I was getting off on hit home.
“Kim’s a girl.” my head said. “That means you like girls.”
Sometimes I can be a bit dense; a bit slow, but the penny DID drop — eventually.
“Eeeeeeeyeeeeeew!!”
See, it dropped...
...and clattered about a bit.
Then of course, we met up the next day and as soon as I saw her, I was like, all of a flutter. I tried my best to just be me and calm, but really, all that was happening was my head was replaying that kiss over and over and I wanted more while at the same time, I felt like “NO!” Isn’t that odd?
Course when she said that she wanted to take me out to dinner something in me couldn’t take it. It meant announcing to the world that I was into girls and I couldn’t accept that.
I did what any normal girl would do. I ran away.
Having said that, they had met her at breakfast the day I ran off, but how would they have known that she was the one I was… It doesn’t matter as it transpired as I bumped into her again outside one of the café’s.
She invited me for cappuccino and I ended up staying with her and going to lunch as well. I couldn’t believe the effect that girl was having on me and there I was saying to myself, “she’s just a friend”, yet all the time, the slightest touch or even just being with her was sending my pulse rate soaring.
I don’t know what happened or maybe it was something I did, but I didn’t see her for four days. I was almost climbing the walls and although I didn’t say anything to ether Uncle Pete or ‘Aunty Gil’, I think they knew. Anyway, on the fifth day, there she was in the food court having breakfast.
I wanted so much to be angry at her, but she looked, well, like shit.
Uncle Pete spoke first, telling her that we’d missed her and then pointing out that it was really me that had done the missing. I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me, but then things just went off at about a hundred miles an hour.
She asked if we’d help her out and when she stood up, I could see she was shaking — quite badly too. I tried to get to her before she hit the deck, but none of us did and she just collapsed in a heap on the floor, sending her chair backwards. A collective gasp went up around the court and people were staring at her.
I felt so bad, all I wanted to do was tell them all to go away, stop staring, anything but what they were doing, but my mouth just didn’t want to work.
God she looked awful. Her face was grey and her eyes were all like sunk into their sockets. Uncle Pete and ‘Aunty Gil’ were really concerned and were there beside her in no time, picking her up — well Uncle Pete did and carried her out of the food court. One of her arms just seemed to hang there, lifeless and I took her hand in mine, hoping that she could feel it and know, even though she was out cold, that I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her — I wouldn't let anything bad happen to her.
Our cabin was closer than the ships infirmary, so Uncle Pete carried her there and asked that ‘Aunty Gil’ and I keep an eye on her. I felt so useless, not knowing what to do. I knew CPR, but this was hardly the time for that. Whatever was wrong with her wasn’t something that mere first aid could fix.
Uncle Pete had put her onto the long sofa in the main cabin and I knelt beside her, almost unable to let go of her hand. She looked so helpless laying there, he face looking drawn, her skin almost cold and I could feel the tears rolling down my face.
Gil surprised me by not saying anything for some time and when she did, what she said was encouraging rather than her usual well-mannered though nonetheless barbed snipes. I looked up at her and couldn’t hold it any longer. I burst into tears and Gil just knelt down beside me, stroking my hair and making me feel better.
From that point on, I decided that I had been mean for long enough and the ‘Aunty’ bit would have to go. Gil didn’t mean me any harm and probably didn’t want to be doing this cruise thing any more than I did, but she was making the best of it and she after all, wasn’t the enemy.
The ships doctor was a nice man and looked to me to be far too young to be a fully fledged doctor, but hey, full power to the man.
He opened one of those black doctor bags and took out a stethoscope listening to Kim’s chest, then he took her pulse, looked into her eyes — all those check-up shaped things and all the while, Uncle Pete, Gil and I were hovering. I was trying to hover closest, feeling that my lost contact with Kim would in some way impede her progress.
“I can’t really tell here.” he said then turned back to Kim. “How are you feeling?”
“Pretty ropey.” she replied. “I can’t seem to shake off the shakes.”
“Have you been taking anything?”
“Not that I wanted to take.” she said. The doctor looked a little confused.
“I don’t understand.” he said.
“I’ve been given a few shots by doctor Weintraub and I don’t think they’ve worn off completely. Donna said they were to make me a little more relaxed about things; make me more like the little Kimmy they all know and love.”
The doctor looked at us and we looked at him, equally confused. None of us knew what that meant although Uncle Pete was rubbing his chin thoughtfully and nodding gently.
“I think I’d better get her back to the infirmary.” said the doc. “I can’t do much here. Would you mind?”
Uncle Pete picked her up off the sofa and I asked “will I be able to come and see her?”
“I hope you will. Having people she knows around her will undoubtedly help her get better — well, at least keep her spirits up while we try to find out what ails her.” He smiled at that and somehow I just knew she was in good hands, or at least would be when Uncle Pete put her down.
We all filed out of the cabin, virtually half way round the ship and all the way, people were staring as Uncle Pete carried the semi-conscious Kim to the infirmary. Once there, she was laid on the bed and Uncle Pete and the doctor moved into a small ante room which served as the doctor’s office.
I didn’t hear what was going on, but I could see through the small glass panel in the door that Uncle Pete was doing most of the talking, while the doctor stared, open-mouthed at times. I was starting to get a bit suspicious of Uncle Pete and Gil too for that matter.
I nearly had to be pried away from Kim’s bed before we could all troop back to our cabin.
“Just let the doctor do what he has to do.” said Gil and scooped me off the bed and out. I don’t think Kim even noticed that I’d gone to be honest, but I knew I had once again broken contact with her and that that was not good. I was scared to death that I’d never get to see her again.
In the end, I think it was like about one in the morning; I got dressed and slipped quietly out of the cabin. I headed for the infirmary and knocked quietly on the door.
“Hello, you must be Lucy. The doctor’s told me all about you.” said a nurse in a hushed voice. That calmed me a lot I can tell you as I thought that she’d be there on her own and the fact that this nurse was there in case anything happened was a real tonic.
She showed me to a chair next to Kim’s bed and told me to sit. It was obvious that Kim was asleep; the closed eyes and the gentle snoring gave the game away. I sat down and reached onto the bed, interlacing mine and Kim’s fingers and holding her hand as tightly as I dared without wishing to do any damage. I honestly don’t know what damage I could do, but I figured, like, I’d rather be safe than sorry.
I’d been there about half an hour I suppose when the phone in the office rang. I jumped and I think the nurse did too.
She was on the phone for about half a minute and then a serious look came over her face. I thought it was something to do with Kim, but she gathered together a bag of stuff and headed out of the infirmary, telling me to stay put; that she wouldn’t be long.
I was sitting at the bed, staring at my feet when I heard a noise at the door. It couldn’t have been the nurse, because I suppose I thought she would have been longer. Anyhow, the door knob turned and the door rattled.
“It’s locked.” said a voice.
“Don’t worry, I can open it.” said another, younger voice.
It obviously wasn’t the nurse then. So who was it?
I went to the door and listened as someone fiddled a key into the lock and then the door swung open towards me.
I froze. I just couldn’t help it. I knew what I was doing in the infirmary, but I also knew that Uncle Pete would probably be upset with me for being here without telling him and suddenly I went cold with the anticipation of what might be going to happen. I could hear the two voices and one said to the other “just get in, do it and get out. I can’t be seen here.”
I didn’t know who this man was. He was older than the doctor by a long way and he peered over half-moon glasses as he moved past me and went on towards the bed where Kim lay. I was rooted to the spot, holding my breath and more afraid of giving myself away than turning blue and passing out.
He seemed to look Kim over whilst his hand went to his inside jacket pocket and he drew out a hypodermic needle. There was something in the syringe, but I had no idea what and I started to panic. I knew this was about to be shot into Kim and I had no idea why or what it would do.
I scanned the immediate vicinity for something — anything and saw it; a metal bedpan. I picked it up as the man in the jacket held the syringe, needle uppermost and took the plastic cover off the needle. Then he gently flicked the side of the syringe, just as I got close and kapow!
I closed my eyes and swung the bedpan as hard as I could. It hit him on the head, causing a loud “BONG!!!!” sound to rattle around the infirmary, followed by a lot of little bangs and crashes as the doctor spun round knocking a table and going cross-eyed while he pointed at me, gibbering something about not being in here and then hit the floor.
I stood over him wondering what on earth to do when a familiar voice spoke.
“Looks like you’ve beaten me to it. Not what I would have done, but just as effective. Next time, would you mind waiting for me?”
I spun round to see Uncle Pete standing in the doorway. The emotional outburst afterwards was so embarrassing and I ran to my uncle, flung my arms round him and hugged him as tears flooded out of my eyes and I sobbed.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have been here and, and…”
“It’s alright. Don’t cry, you can tell Kim yourself about your heroic deed and tale of derring-do. I’m sure it’ll be very impressive.”
There was a lot going on in the infirmary after that. The nurse had returned complaining about it being a wild goose chase and saying that if she ever finds out who the woman was that made the call, she’d have something to say to her. She was balling her fists and looking extremely upset at having left me to face whatever it was that happened, but the looks on the doctor’s face and even that of the Captain suggested that they didn’t blame her for one moment. I kept out of the way and once again Uncle Pete did a lot of the talking. I just held Kim’s hand and hoped it would all be over soon.
I thought Kim was so lucky. This whole thing went off and she didn’t stir - not once. She just looked real comfortable — aside from the saline drip that was hanging out of her arm, that was, but she didn’t bat an eyelid.
Back at the cabin, Gil was not best pleased that I skipped out without telling her or Uncle Pete. Thankfully, Uncle Pete shushed her and explained that thanks to me, they had caught the one who had given Kim the shots and was about to give her something else too. He said that they didn’t know what it was and the ship’s infirmary wasn’t equipped to analyse the contents, but that would come. Meanwhile, the now infamous Dr. Weintraub was in the brig and wouldn’t get to enjoy the rest of the trip.
“What abut Kim?” asked Gil.
“Slept like a baby. The doctor says that she’ll make a full recovery and should be up and about within a couple of days or so.” said Uncle Pete. “For now though, I think it’s time to get some rest.”
He didn’t have to ask me twice and I hugged him again to say thank you for being there when he was before going off to my room and falling asleep almost as soon as my head touched the pillow.
It was three days before Kim was up and about. When she was, my stomach was doing cartwheels and almost making me sick. We went to the infirmary to collect her. She still wasn’t up to full power yet and the doctor only released her on account of the fact that Uncle Pete said she could stay with us for the duration of her recuperation.
“Man?” said Kim. “He only gave me one shot, it was Donna who fed me most of the drugs.
“Donna?” asked Uncle Pete. “Donna who?”
“Donna Elliot. She has a suite on B deck.”
“A woman?” asked Gil.
“Hey, didn’t the nurse say that a woman had made the call that took her out of the infirmary?” I asked. Three faces turned slowly to look at me and I started to blush.
“She’s right. I’d forgotten about that.” said Uncle Pete, clapping his hands together. “Stay here.”
He and Gil disappeared so fast, I almost thought there’d be scorch marks on the floor.
I looked at Kim. There was something different about the way she looked and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but holding her hand, made me feel better and she didn’t seem to mind.
After all that had happened, I knew I had got used to the idea that I was into another girl and I couldn’t wait to take Kim up on that offer of dinner after this was all over and she was up to getting out again.
Thing was, it wasn’t that simple. Like it would be…
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“I would have thought that you of all people would have figured that one out by now.” said Uncle Pete.
“All I know is that…” she stopped, blushing and tearing up. “That, well…”
“This wasn’t what you expected from a cruise?” supplied Gil.
“No, not at all.”
I had heard her say that before but I didn’t know what she meant and I still didn’t. I was itching to know and I was just about to open my mouth to ask, but Gil surreptitiously waved me to stop.
I was starting to get angry. Two people, one of whom I trusted with my life, were hiding things from me and I didn’t like that. Now I got the distinct impression that there was someone else who was pulling the wool over my eyes too and it wasn’t making me a particularly happy bunny.
“What’s with all the secrecy?” I blurted, my eyes filling up. “You’re supposed to be my friends, my family — well not you Gil, but you are supposed to be my friend. So what’s with all the secrets?”
“It’s not us.” said Uncle Pete. “It’s Kim.”
“You mean she’s lying?”
“No…”
“It’s that. I’m not what you think I am.” she said.
“Huh! Like I’m surprised. My Uncle Pete’s not what I thought he was either.”
“It’s not like that at all.” she said and the tears were starting to flow quite freely now. I was also starting to feel like I was pushing too hard and was upsetting her. “I’m not a girl.”
Well that was it for me. My jaw nearly broke as it hit the cabin floor.
“What do you mean not a girl?” I asked, incredulous.
“I think this has gone far enough.” said Uncle Pete.
“NO! What do you mean, not a girl? Like you’re some sort of alien or something?” I spat.
Kim was crying now, in floods of tears and I was so far into my rant that I couldn’t stop. The one person above all that I thought I trusted turned out to be, well not a girl. What the hell was she talking about?
I stomped off, slamming my door and throwing myself onto the bed. I didn’t care that I had just upset greatly the one person I was so afraid of losing did I?
Oh I did.
I wanted to run back into the other room and hug her and squeeze her and tell her I didn't care, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t just do an about turn and run back could I? I had to wait at least a few minutes before I went back and apologised.
I went and listened at the door. I could hear Gil giving support to Kim and all the time she was going up in my estimations. She was a really nice person to have around, especially at times like these.
I felt a complete arsehole. Kim was sobbing and trying to say things while Gil was saying things like “there, there. It’ll all be alright” and I knew it should have been me who was saying that to her, not Gil.
I threw myself back on my bed and cried myself to sleep, wondering if Kim would ever even look at me again, let alone speak to me or love me.
I’d made a right mess of it hadn’t I?
By Nick B
© 2007
The one where it’s Uncle Pete's turn…
Thanks Krisspoos...
My thoughts were filled with the visit to the boss, Ed Crouse’s office where he sprang this trip on me. Not only did he spring (this) the bloody cruise, but also that I would be accompanied by none other than Gil Parker and the suggestion was, my niece Lucy.
Now I had nothing against Gil Parker, she was perfectly good at what she did. It just seemed to me that I should have been able to choose someone that I actually liked to go on this assignment.
“Where does Lucy come into this?” I asked.
“She can be your daughter. It would look so much more natural and attract less attention to yourselves if you had a child with you.”
I thought for a moment, shaking my head. “Child? I don’t know that she’d like to hear you say that.”
“Well she IS only young isn’t she?”
“I don’t know that she would quite see it that way or anyone else either come to that.”
“Well I’m sure you’ll think of something.” said Ed brusquely and showed me to the door, holding it open and ushering, alright — pushing me through it. I wasn’t finished though.
“What if Lucy can’t go?” I asked, stopping midway through the large polished doorway.
“Then find someone else who is and let me have the details.” he said, giving me one final shove and shutting the door firmly behind me. That was that then.
The reason for the trip was simple.
We believed that someone was running a scam out of a dating agency and that was somehow linked to the disappearance of a number of young men in their late teens to early twenties. We could prove nothing, but the boss believed that this trip could help put everything into perspective, mostly because according to sources, a member of the crew of the ship we were to sail on, called the Paradise was apparently involved, though we didn’t know who that crewmember might be.
We had to share the bed anyway since we didn’t know the rank or position of the crewmember involved in all this. We couldn’t take the chance of not sharing and blowing our cover.
“Oh don’t be silly. Who’s going to know?” asked Gil.
“I don’t know and neither do you. We can’t take the chance and get found out. It only takes a slip of the tongue from someone like the cleaner and that’s this mission sunk.”
“Well I’m not happy about this.”
“You can take it up with Crouse when we get back if you like. Believe me, I will.”
To say that the atmosphere was frosty between Gil and I, is a bit of an understatement. The first night aboard I thought that she was going to get into bed in a full suit of armour. As it was, I think I was the less enthusiastic of the two of us. Even though I wore pyjamas I felt exposed, with her eyes following me round the cabin. I wondered if she snored. I was sure I didn't.
Lucy made it no easier. We had to explain that as far as everyone was concerned, she was our daughter.
“Huh! As if.” she snorted.
“What? It’s a perfectly sound idea.”
“Sound?” she asked, her eyes going as big as saucers. “How old were you two when I came along then, like twelve?”
Gil coughed back a laugh and I just fumed. I was hoping we’d get away with it, but obviously not.
“Alright, smarty-pants, what do you suggest?”
“Well you’re like my uncle right? Why not make Gil my aunty?”
It was my turn to stifle a laugh, especially seeing Gil wrinkle her nose at that particular idea and the more I thought about it, the more Gil looked at me with daggers drawn and the more I liked it. It seemed this did have its compensations then.
“Well, that seems to be the best option. Aunty, uncle and niece it is.”
Gil stormed off into the bedroom at that point, huffing and definitely not pleased.
Day two we almost had to push Lucy out the door, figuring that as long as she at least went out for breakfast - that would be something. Lo and behold, it really did seem to work. She came back after breakfast all of a dither. She was excited, yet she was also a bit pensive.
“I think someone’s in love.” said Gil in my ear. I nodded, smiling.
“What?” demanded Lucy, seeing that we were staring at her.
“Nothing.” we chorused.
“Bloody weirdoes. I’m going out.” she said, thrusting her nose into the air. As soon as she passed the cabin window, both Gil and I burst into fits of laughter. At least it relaxed the tension from Gil’s side, but now I had Lucy to contend with and I wasn’t sure that was the lesser of the two evils.
While Lucy went to enjoy herself, Gil and I took a walk around the ship. It was more or less just another cursory glance around to see if we could spot any likely candidates.
“Not all crooks carry bags marked ‘swag’, wear hooped jerseys and black masks you know.” joked Gil.
“I know.” I said, realising that this wasn’t going to be an easy task and we went back to trawling through the hundreds of names on the passenger manifest to see whether we could make any headway there.
The next evening, Lucy asked us if she could go to the nightclub. We were only too pleased to have her out from under our feet since we were busy going through the that huge list of names and having her there with the TV blaring and so on, was terribly distracting. Mind you, Lucy’s attention to detail was wonderful. She never forgot to prefix ‘Gil’ with ‘Aunty’ and I have to say that that in itself was seriously entertaining.
We worked on and being in such close proximity to Gil, gave me a whole new perspective on this woman. I had seen her, worked with her a couple of times, but somehow, she just didn’t seem to stand out particularly.
At this point however, I was close enough to smell the subtle fragrance of her perfume and…
“Are you listening?” she said, sitting back from the laptop.
“What? Oh, er, yes of course.” One eyebrow rose dangerously and I shrugged, wondering whether I should have been letting my mind wander.
“I suppose it is late. Perhaps we ought to call it a night and get some sleep. Coming?”
Now ordinarily, if a woman says “are you coming” — to bed that is, most men would beat them to the bedroom, be stripped naked and waiting for them in two heartbeats or fewer, but on this occasion, I was forced to do a double-take.
“You know what I mean.” she said slapping me playfully on the arm.
I breathed a sigh of relief. It’s not that I’m sacred of intimacy or anything but… okay, so I’m a little nervous. This was an important matter and getting involved with a co-worker was definitely not what this was about. She did smell nice though.
We didn’t hear Lucy return. I vaguely remember something being warbled and giggled outside momentarily, but I didn’t pay much attention. I was too busy realising that Gil’s head was resting on my shoulder, her arm across my chest and I was marvelling at how nice it felt before drifting back off to sleep.
I could hear Gil trying to rouse our associate ‘niece’ in the other cabin. I contemplated stopping her, but I figured she should find out for herself.
“Bugger off!” came the stern reply.
“I thought you’d be ready and raring to go. Look, it’s a lovely day…” she said, blindly walking into the jaws of the waiting alligator and who says they don’t exist outside of tropical and sub-tropical climes?
“Listen ‘Aunty Gil’ either you go close those curtains and get the hell out of here, or I’m afraid I’m going to have to hurt you.”
I could just imagine what was going through Gil’s mind at this point. Did she feel lucky?” Did she? I didn’t think so.
“She’s a bit of a handful first thing isn’t she?” Gil asked moments later.
“Er, no. Not a morning person, our Lucy.” I don’t think my oversized grin helped any.
“Oh, you’re just as bad as her.” she added, slapping me on the arm - again.
It must have done some good though as it was only about fifteen minutes later that a rather bed-headed, bleary-eyed ‘thing’ in dressing gown and big fluffy slippers, exited the other bedroom and padded into the room where Gil and I were going through some notes from the night before.
“You got up then?” I asked.
“Obviously.” she said in that typically obnoxious tone all teenage girls seem to cultivate. “I didn’t have a lot of choice. Someone opened the curtains before I was ready. Do you think I could like, get back to sleep after that?”
“Well, I’m glad you’re up. We can have a family breakfast.” I said brightly.
“Oh you’re just full of it aren’t you?” she snipped. I looked at Gil, who returned my look with one of surprise. That’s teenagers for you.
“A bit hung-over this morning, are we?” I asked dryly. She just poked her tongue out at me.
“Did you meet anyone nice last night?”
“Only Kim really. There were a couple of boys there too, but they were so like into themselves, we had to ditch them.”
“Kim?”
“Yeah. She’s the girl I met the other day.”
Girl? Oh well, perhaps we were wrong about the falling in love bit then.
Anyway, regardless of how she may or may not have been feeling, she did accompany us to the food court where breakfast was already well under way and as luck would have it, the very girl we had been talking about was right there having breakfast herself.
“Hi Kim.” said Lucy, the hangover apparent in her voice.
“So this is the famous Kim is it?” I asked.
“Sorry. Uncle Pete, Aunty Gil, this is Kim. Kim, this is my Uncle Pete and Aunty Gil.”
“I’m not your auntie, Lucy!” said Gil and I have to say that regardless of plans, this cover wasn’t sounding too hot right then. I didn’t say anything, well none of us did. We just stood there while Kim looked on a bit bemused
“Well, it’s easier than telling the truth.” said Lucy and I wished we hadn’t bothered rousing her this morning. Family affairs are definitely NOT what they are cracked up to be.
Kim broke the ice and told us about what she recommended for breakfast and we settled into our chairs. Gil for one was looking daggers at Lucy, who just ignored both of us and went through her breakfast like she hadn’t eaten in a week, finishing off by grabbing Kim by the arm and almost dragging her out of the food court.
“Where are you going?” I asked. Lucy just rolled her eyes and told me “As far as I can on this tin can”, tutting loudly before disappearing out on deck.
“Don’t worry.” said Gil, taking my hand in hers. “She can’t go far.” I felt the warmth of Gil’s comparatively small hand in mine and contemplated keeping hold, but it was removed before I could return the squeeze.
Anyway, it wasn’t how far they could go that I was worried about. There was someone out there who was possibly responsible for the disappearance of half a dozen people. I suppose it wasn’t too much of a problem though, since they tended to favour boys rather than girls and really, how far could they go?
Nevertheless, Gil and I were a bit embarrassed at having had our grubby laundry aired in the food court. We went back to the cabin to continue working, but it wasn’t long before Lucy came back. She had a tear-stained face and was obviously in a quandary. The outer door slammed shut behind her and I swear that they could have heard her stomp across the room in the very bowels of the ship. Without a word, she stomped into her cabin and there was another crash as she slammed that one behind her too.
Gil and I looked at one another and then at the door that was possibly still shaking after feeling that is had been heaved to by forces not of this world. We looked back at one another.
“We’d better go see what happened.” said Gil.
It was a tentative knock that alerted Lucy to our presence.
“Go away.”
“Look we just want to talk to you.” I said. Moments later the door opened slowly and we just saw Lucy throw herself back onto the bed.
“What happened?” asked Gil, sitting beside the prone teenager.
“Nothing.” said Lucy through the pillow as she pressed her head as far into it as it would apparently go.
“It must have been a big nothing that caused all this.” she said gently.
“She wanted to take me to dinner.”
“So?”
“I can’t can I? I’m not her girlfriend.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Well, it’s not like breakfast is it?” she sobbed. “It’s like dinner, you know, like restaurant, dim lights; candles? Don’t you know anything?”
“What’s the problem?” asked Gil patiently. “Lots of women go to dinner together, it’s not like they’re girlfriend type girlfriends and even if you and she are getting along that way, what’s the problem?”
Even I was a little shocked by that one, but we left her to it and went back into the lounge to continue with what we were doing.
It wasn’t long before Lucy was back out. She’d fixed her face and aside from a little residual reddening in the whites of her eyes, she looked very presentable.
“I’m going out.” she said and before we could say anything, she was gone. We returned to our work, but a couple of hours later, my stomach was making noises and I decided it was time to get some lunch.
We walked out on deck towards the food court and Gil slipped her arm through mine. I have to say I was a little concerned, but she just looked up at me and smiled.
“For the sake of appearance.” she said.
O… kay. I could handle that. I think.
Meeting up with Lucy and Kim again wasn’t planned, it just seemed to happen. They were bright and cheerful and that minor upset that happened earlier seemed all but forgotten. However, that was the last time we were to see Kim for about four days.
As a result of that, neither were we — well as much as we needed to anyway. It wasn’t Lucy’s fault though. She was smitten; anyone with half a brain could see that and Gil cautioned me to keep my thoughts about the two of them having any form of relationship to myself. Lucy said nothing to us about it, but the difference between her with Kim and without was quite profound.
On the fifth day, we went to breakfast. Lucy had been eating little and moping lots. Fortunately, by this time, we had grown accustomed to it and were getting on with things.
We had kind of got a list of suspects together and were trying to find a way of putting our theories to the test, but really, it was speculation at best. We didn’t have any ideas that were based on anything other than conjecture and vague hypotheses.
In the food court, we encountered Kim and I must say, I’ve seen better looking corpses. Her skin had a greyish cast to it and her eyes were sunken into their sockets.
I made a joke about where she’d been hiding and she smiled, but I could see the deadness in her eyes. Whatever she’d been through, it wasn’t good. Had she perhaps been overdoing it in the nightclub? Drinking too heavily? Whatever it was, she needed to stop it before it stopped her.
She asked if we would help her out of the food court, which surprised me. When she stood, she was visibly shaking and I could feel a cold shiver go down my spine. I just knew this was bad.
This next part all happened so quickly, but as if to confirm my suspicions, before any of us could move, she was lying on the floor. I could hear the whoosh of gasps around us as Kim’s chair slid to a halt and saw the look of concern on Lucy’s face; Gil’s too.
I rushed to her side and picked her up. God, it was like she didn’t weigh anything at all and I marched us all out of the food court amidst the stares to take her back to our cabin.
Bless her, Lucy had one of Kim’s hands and wouldn’t let go. I could see the poor thing was close to tears and regardless of the fact that they hadn’t known each other more than five minutes, I could see for my own eyes that if this all went pear-shaped, she was not going to get over it in a hurry.
I placed Kim gently on the sofa in the cabin and went to get the doctor, telling Gil and Lucy to keep an eye on her, returning some time later to see that fortunately, Kim had regained consciousness.
With Kim safely tucked up in bed, the doctor and I went into his office.
“I have some issues with that little girl out there.” I said and briefly outlined the fact that we were on the lookout for someone and thought that Kim was involved; also that she may not be what she appeared to be.
“She’s not in any trouble is she?”
“Not with me. I trust that I can count on you to keep this to yourself?”
“My lips are sealed. I’ll get back to you as soon as I have given her a thorough examination as to what I find.”
“I appreciate that doctor.”
Later the doctor rang the cabin and confirmed what I thought — that Kim wasn’t a girl after all, that she was in fact the one we had been looking for. It was just one of life’s ironies that the very person we were looking for was right under our noses and had this not happened, we may never have known.
“I would never have guessed.” said Gil.
“Me either. I don’t even think that Kim’s aware of how convincing he is.”
“What do we tell Lucy?”
“Nothing. It’s enough that she can’t get her head round what’s going on let alone telling her that the girl she’s in love with is really a boy.”
“Love? You think it’s gone that far?”
“I do.”
I was just starting to doze off when I heard movement in the cabin. I strained my ears to try and work out what was happening and when the main cabin door opened and closed very quietly, I knew that Lucy had gone outside.
I got out of bed and put some clothes on, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake Gil. Performing this feat in the dark wasn’t easy, but despite hopping about on one foot, putting things on several times to get them round the right way or the right side out, I eventually finished and made my way to the infirmary.
Everything round that area was quiet and rather than burst in, which would possibly lead to heart attacks or worse, I hung around in a recess a few yards down the corridor, keeping my eyes on who went in or came out of the infirmary. Ah that ‘stake out’ routine. Standing around for hours waiting for something to happen… which usually didn't.
About twenty minutes later, I saw the nurse come out, lock the door behind her, then run past me, bag in hand. I ducked out of the way and then continued to keep the door under surveillance.
Soon enough, my patience was rewarded as down the corridor and past me, came two men. One was an ordinary chap in a jacket and the other was one of the crew. Trouble was I couldn’t see the crewmembers face.
On they went to the infirmary and the man in the jacket tried the door.
“It’s locked.” he exclaimed.
“Don’t worry, I can open it.” said the crewmember and fiddled about with the keys for a few moments before pushing the door open and telling the jacketed guy to “just get in, do it and get out. I can’t be seen here.” The crewmember then disappeared down the corridor. I wish he’d come back past me so at least I would know who he was.
I crept out of my hiding place in the recess and headed for the door to the infirmary. I stood in the doorway just as Lucy raised a stainless steel bedpan and brought it down on the man’s head. The man did a funny sort of pirouette before sinking to the ground and Lucy dropped the bedpan on him.
“Looks like you’ve beaten me to it.” I said, grinning. “Not what I would have done, but just as effective. Next time, would you mind waiting for me?”
She looked absolutely mortified as she came and gave me a hug, bursting into tears and apologising over and over again.
“I just wish I’d known that was a hoax call.” said the nurse. She looked agitated and I could understand that. “If I ever get my hands on the woman that made that call…”
Fortunately for us, the Captain didn’t think that what the nurse had done was wrong. There was no way she wasn’t to know that the call wasn’t legitimate in the first place, but agreed that what the doctor had attempted was serious; serious enough for him to be incarcerated and we thanked him for seeing it our way.
“I knew you two were on board, but I have been given very few facts about what you’re up to.”
“I know, I’m sorry, but we have to be discreet. It would appear that one of your officers is involved. I saw one earlier unlocking the infirmary door whilst the nurse was out on that bogus call.” I explained.
“This is perhaps more serious than I thought.” he said.
I took Lucy back to the cabin and was really pleased that we had made so much headway and in just over a week too. The sooner we got this sorted, the sooner we could get down to enjoying the cruise.
Gil was waiting up when we got back and didn’t look best pleased.
“Where have you been?” she asked, but I don’t know whether that question was to me or to Lucy.
“It’s alright.” I assured her. “Thanks to our budding hospital helper here and a well aimed bedpan, we now have a certain Dr. Weintraub in custody. The Captain himself had him incarcerated. It looked as though he was trying to give Kim some extra shots. Our intrepid heroine here ensured that didn’t happen.”
“What about Kim?” asked Gil.
“Slept like a baby. The doctor says that she’ll make a full recovery and should be up and about within a couple of days or so. For now though, I think it’s time to get some rest.” No-one argued at that and While Lucy went into her room, I followed Gil back into ours.
“What was Lucy doing?”
“I think she was just concerned, that’s all. The nurse got a call and dashed out, but it turned out to be bogus. While she was out, the crew member we have been looking for and Doctor Weintraub gained entry to the infirmary and while the crewman made a dash for it, the doctor was left to do his thing.”
“She was very brave — Lucy that is.” said Gil. “I think she’s taking this really well.”
“Yeah, but we’ll have to see what happens when Kim gets back out. The doc reckoned it would be about three days before she’d be up and about.”
“She?”
“What?”
“You said ‘she’.”
“So?”
“Kim’s a boy, remember.”
“I’m sorry, it’s late. I still can’t picture Kim as a he.”
“Never mind. I’m sure you’ll get used to it.”
“Yes, but the question is, will he?”
Lucy was like a cat on a hot tin roof all day and in the evening I brought her back. Look, I’m sorry, but even though those breast things have been taken away and the fact that he’s not made up, I still see Kim the girl. I will get used to it.
Anyhow, I had a barrow-load of questions for him upon his return. The first thing I did was tell him that we caught the man who gave him the shots.
“Man?” said Kim. “He only gave me one shot; it was Donna who fed me most of the drugs.
“Donna?” I asked. “Donna who?”
“Donna Elliot. She has a suite on B deck.”
“A woman?” asked Gil.
“Hey, didn’t the nurse say that a woman had made the call that took her out of the infirmary?” said Lucy. We all turned to look at her and poor thing, she started to blush.
“She’s right. I’d forgotten about that.” I said. “Stay here.”
Gil and I ran straight round to the cabin that Kim suggested, but to our chagrin, it was locked and no-one was answering.
We questioned Kim closely when we got back, peeved that our mission had been unsuccessful. We would have to continue the next day. I figured that before breakfast was probably the best time. He gave us a detailed description of Donna and I phoned the security officer to make sure we’d got the right cabin.
Kim was most surprised that we would be going to so much trouble on her account and asked us what was going on.
“I would have thought that you of all people would have figured that one out by now.” I said.
“All I know is that…” He stopped, blushing and tearing up. “That, well…”
“This wasn’t what you expected from a cruise?” supplied Gil.
“No, not at all.”
It was going to happen sooner or later and at that point it was the wrong time, but Lucy started to get quite angry about the secrecy and I tried to get her to stop. She wasn’t having any of it, going on at me and Gil about trust.
“It’s not us.” I said. “It’s Kim.”
“You mean she’s lying?”
“No…”
“It’s that… I’m not what you think I am.” she said.
“Huh! Like I’m surprised. My Uncle Pete’s not what I thought he was either.”
“It’s not like that at all.” he said and the tears were starting to flow. “I’m not a girl.”
Lucy was in full flight now and I’m positive that she wasn’t taking in what she was being told.
“What do you mean not a girl?” she asked, incredulous.
“I think this has gone far enough.” I said.
“NO! What do you mean, not a girl? Like you’re some sort of alien or something?” she yelled.
It went downhill from there. I wasn’t sure we should have allowed it to happen, but it did and thankfully, it didn’t happen for long. Lucy stormed off into her bedroom and Gil went to Kim who was crying buckets. I just stood there, alternating my impotent stares between Lucy’s door and Kim, cradled in the arms of Gil, who was rocking gently and whispering “there, there” and “It’ll all be alright.”
I stood outside on the outer deck and braced myself against the railing looking out over the sea as the sun went down. It was beautiful out there sometimes and tonight ironically, was one of them. I decided to take a wander and found myself heading towards Donna’s cabin.
As I neared, I could hear the sound of raised voices.
“Of course it’s your fault, you shouldn’t have left him. Shit! Now Herb’s been locked up and the shits going to hit the fan.”
“You can’t blame me for Herb.”
“Oh can’t I? If you hadn’t fucked up your end, this would never have happened.”
“Margaret, but…”
“Don’t but me you stupid girl. Now get rid of anything that can point to you or us before this whole ships crawling with cops.”
I stood where I was for a few more minutes, waiting to see or rather hear whether anything else would be said and the next thing I saw was the woman who Kim had described, throwing bags overboard.
Could those have been Kim’s?
I raced to the scene just as the last bag left her hands. She had just one more in her hand and I could see that there was hesitation there.
“Don’t you dare!” I shouted and threw myself at her, grabbing her and the small bag all in one.
She struggled, but she was no match. I wrestled the bag away from her and holding her in a half-Nelson from behind, I suggested that she allow me into her cabin to get anything she hadn’t managed to throw overboard.
“That was all of it.” she said.
“I don’t believe you.”
“It’s the truth. The only things there now are the girl’s clothes.”
“Well, let’s have those then.” I suggested.
We went into the cabin and I noticed that there were several cases just inside the door and I presume packed. I should have thought more about it, but I was too focussed on Kim and her, sorry, his, predicament.
I was shown into the spare bedroom. There was a fair pile of clothes there, one or two things I recognised from when we had seen Kim before. It must have cost a pretty penny and I was sure that Kim would need a change of clothes even if they WEREN’T the most appropriate.
“Is everything alright Donna?” said a man’s voice from behind.
I spun round just in time to see the Bursar there, or rather his fist, just before it made contact.
The bastard caught me right on the end of my nose and I’d be surprised if he didn’t break it. Broken or not, my eyes ran like a couple of Olympic sprinters and I couldn’t see a thing.
“Just leave them. Now make sure you’ve got you passport, it’s time we weren’t here.” said the Bursar and then it went quiet.
I was left alone in the cabin. It seemed to me that whatever was going on, they had an escape plan. I blinked and dabbed my eyes, everything a blur. I picked up the phone and called our cabin.
“Gil? Yeah, it’s me… Call the Captain… Yeah I know it’s late… I think our quarry is about to jump ship.”
I met Gil and the Captain a little later after dropping the clothes I picked up from Donna's cabin.
“Did we get them?” I asked.
“No, we just saw on the monitors the launch leaving the stern, we weren’t in time to stop them.” said the Captain bleakly.
“How far can they get in the launch?”
Not very far. It has enough fuel aboard to last about a day, but we’re much further than that from any port.”
“What about another ship?”
“I knew you’d ask that. We’ve alerted the coast guard and they are now monitoring the launch on satellite. Wonders of modern technology eh? We can track them with their own SatNav!”
“Shouldn’t be long then.” I said.
“It’s not turned out badly has it?”
“Much better than I thought.”
“Thanks to Kim.” I said and once again, Gil put her arm through mine.
“Appearances?” I asked.
“Not entirely.” she said and smiled. I got butterflies in the stomach and that feeling of going over a hump-back bridge too quickly. Why was it she made me so nervous?
The one where things start to become clear for Kim…
By Nick B
© 2007
Anyhow, it’s put extra demands on Krissikins and for that I’m sorry and profoundly grateful all at the same time. Who says men can’t multitask?
When Kim came round the day after his admission to the infirmary, Dr. Miles Corcoran, the ship’s doctor was waiting and looking to get a few answers.
“You’re having a bit of a time of it aren't you?” he said. “How are you feeling?”
“Better.” replied Kim. He did have some colour back in his face and was looking a lot less drawn. “My mouth tastes like a ferret’s been living in it though!”
The doctor handed him some water.
“You said something last time about being given drugs.” he asked. "Do you have any idea what kind of drugs?”
"No sorry, I really don’t know. I know one of them knocked me out pretty much and even when I came round I still only have sketchy memories. I remember feeling sick and being given something to drink, but after that, it all goes blank again. I do know I was given more than one form of ‘medication’ as they put it, but further to that, I can’t say.” said Kim feeling like somehow this was his fault and started to cry. “I’m sorry. I’m not being much help am I?”
“Don’t worry about it, you can’t really be expected to know about these things.”
“Thanks doc.” he said snivelling a little into a napkin that the doctor passed him and feeling calmed by his words. “I can remember getting a couple of shots in the arm, or was it the bum? I don't know, but I do know there were two; at least the first time.”
“But you have no idea what they were?”
“No I don’t, sorry. Nothing, nada, zilch.”
“This is very serious. The only thing I can say is that it’s unlikely that they've given you anything addictive, otherwise you’d be in a much worse state now, but that’s not to say they didn’t give you something potentially nasty.”
“The way I felt yesterday, I knew it wasn’t anything good.”
“Well look, if you do remember, you must let me know. There’s still over a week before we get to the states and I need to know whether or not to arrange anything for when we get there.”
“Arrange? Arrange what?”
“You may need to get checked out by specialists. For your own good you realise. We have no way of knowing what’s hurtling round your system now do we?”
“You think it could be that bad?”
“I don’t know, but it’s not wise to take the chance is it?”
When he first found out about the cruise, it was a joyous thing. He had never been on one and although he thought that it wasn’t for him, he still had that feeling of anticipation, expectation and dreamy images of being out on the sun-kissed deck with one of those exotic drinks with an umbrella in.
The truth had thus far been far weirder than he could have imagined and not at all like those daydreams. Aside from that first day, watching Southampton disappear as the ship set sail down the English Channel towards the Atlantic and of course Lucy, there had been nothing that had given him even the least amount of a thrill.
The explanation to Lucy had been completely upside down. Trying to tell her that he wasn’t really a girl, but a boy when she had seemingly made it plain that she didn’t want a girlfriend was even more confusing… and then her running away to her room like that…
It was an emotional time and the tears didn’t seem to have that cleansing effect that they do sometimes, like when your dog dies, somehow crying makes you feel better. Not much admittedly but it did usually help, this didn’t; it made him feel worse.
Gil was there and put her arms about him. He felt good being held; it seemed to take away all the fears he had and there were plenty of those, but it seemed all too quick to end thanks to the ringing phone.
Gil answered it, spoke briefly to Pete and then hung up, immediately looking at the numbers on the card by the telephone and redialling. She didn’t hang around after that, leaving the cabin in an awful hurry.
Kim needed to square things away with Lucy. His feelings for her went quite a lot deeper than he thought and he felt as though he had cheated her, or lied — perhaps a bit of both. Whatever, he didn’t want to be left alone to contemplate his demons.
“Are you okay?” he said to Lucy, calling from outside her door.
“No.” she replied.
“I meant to tell you. I just…”
“Go away.”
“Please don’t be like that. You have no idea how much it’s hurt me not to tell you. Let me explain.”
The door opened suddenly and standing before him was Lucy, red eyed and tear-stained “This should be good.” she said, beckoning him in.
He wanted to just skim over it lightly, to give her the gist and leave it like that, so that she didn’t see it as a sob-story, but as soon as he started, it escalated into much more. Before he knew what was happening, he was telling her everything; pouring his heart out to her. By the end of his account, he was once again in tears, sat on the bed with Lucy’s arms around him, as she rocked him gently, making soothing noises.
Neither of them heard Pete come back and drop off Kim’s clothes, they were fast asleep by then and because Pete had his mind on other things, he didn’t know that they were cuddled up together on Lucy’s bed.
“Uh?” replied a very sleepy-headed Kim, whose mind was racing as he found himself naked and under the covers he felt sure he fell asleep on top of — fully clothed. Conversely, Lucy didn’t even deign to acknowledge her uncle.
“What are you two doing sleeping together?” he said as he did that “arms-folded-tapping-foot routine”, like an angry parent.
“Wha…?” said Lucy, finally getting round to realising that her uncle was not actually going to go away until he had a satisfactory answer. “What do you mean?”
“All… all… this.” he said wagging his finger at the two of them, who by now were half way sat up, the covers pulled up to their necks. “What will your mother say? I’m supposed to be keeping you out of harms way and… and…”
“And what Uncle Pete? I suppose that it never occurred to you that I am; a) not in harms way in the first place, b) over the age of consent, c) over legal voting age, which means I can please myself and d) nothing happened. So if you don’t mind, I’d like some privacy so I can get up, since I will never get back to sleep now thank you very much and I expect Kim would like to get up too.”
Pete huffed and blew for a few seconds sure that there was something else he should be saying, though his brain and mouth had become suddenly disconnected. His face reddened some more and he stormed out of the cabin, leaving Kim and Lucy to get up.
“I er, I don’t remember getting undressed.” said Kim.
“No well. We fell asleep. I went to spend a penny later and kind of…” she held her hands before her and shrugged.
“You… you mean?”
“Well someone had to. You couldn’t get into bed fully clothed now could you?”
“Well, I…”
“Listen Pete. I know you probably mean well, but she isn’t that little girl you used to take to the park or whatever. She’s a young woman and is entitled to see who she wants to see — on any level.”
“But I…”
“No ‘buts’ Pete, leave them be.” she said firmly. “Besides, we’ve been sharing a bed since the very beginning of this damn cruise.”
“That’s different.”
“I was going to ask how, but it doesn’t matter. Don’t poke your nose in where it’s not wanted, okay?”
“Humph!” muttered Pete, going and shoving a sheaf of paper around the table where their notes were and quietly fuming. Gil just ‘tutted’ and carried on about her business with an almost hidden smirk.
Lucy meanwhile was pottering about the bedroom while Kim stayed firmly under the covers.
“Are you going to get up then?”
“I would but…”
“But what Kim?”
“Well… You know… I’m, um, naked.”
“Yes and who do you think got you that way?” she said and Kim blushed to the roots of his hair. “Now get up and don’t be such a wimp.”
“Wimp?”
Lucy blushed this time and apologised.
“I’m sorry, perhaps that WAS a little below the belt.”
“No. No, it’s not what you said. Well it was, but it’s also what Donna said.” Suddenly, he threw the covers back and leapt out of bed, his modesty disappearing like a small rodent escaping a cat; hopping about as he tried to step into his panties in a hurry before kissing Lucy firmly.
“You’re brilliant!” he exclaimed and then struggled into the rest of his clothes, kissing her soundly on the forehead.
“Pete! Pete! I need to see the doctor. Do you think it’ll be alright to just go on down there?”
“What’s the matter?”
“I’ve just remembered something important. Actually Lucy was the one who jogged my memory, but it might help the doctor to explain what Donna and her cronies were trying to do to me.”
“Can’t this wait till AFTER breakfast?” asked Pete. “My stomach thinks my throat has been cut.”
“I’m just looking forward to getting this all sorted out.” said Kim brightly.
The doctor rose and greeted each of them with a handshake.
“What can I do for you today?” he asked.
“I’ve remembered something about what they gave me.” said Kim.
“Oh? And what would that be?”
“Implants or an implant, doctor. She said it would take about a month to take away my masculinity and that I should be seeing results in about a fortnight. She said that because I was such a wimp anyway, it should help it to work more quickly. I remember too that Dr Weintraub was talking about “the other medicine”.”
Kim seemed satisfied that now the doctor could do something about this, but the doctor’s expression didn’t reinforce that the way he’d hoped.
“Can I be honest with you Kim?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t you be?”
“Well I may be talking out of turn here and I don’t have the equipment or facilities to prove it one way or the other, but it would seem highly unlikely that implants can mean anything other than hormones; given what you’ve said and what has happened to you.”
“Hormones?”
“Yes and I’m afraid that’s something I can do nothing about right now. I suggest you get yourself checked out as soon as you can. Have you noticed any changes?”
“Changes? Not really… Every time I came to at Donna’s I felt sick, but she’d just tell me to drink something and before I knew what was happening, it wasn’t, I was out cold again. Other than that… no, you’ll think this is stupid.”
“What? If we're right there’s a lot changing in your body and possibly your mind at the moment. You’d be surprised.”
“Well, I seem to be getting really emotional lately. The simplest thing seems to be setting me off. I’ve never been one for crying, but I just don’t seem to be able to stop.”
“That would probably be the hormones then. Your body’s adapting to the flood of chemicals, to being more female.”
“No!” said Kim “You mean I’ve got to stay this way?” he asked and as if by magic, the water-works started and tears were rolling down his face.
“Not necessarily, but an elevated emotional state with the propensity to swing from one extreme to the other is a fair indication that your oestrogen levels have been increased dramatically. I don’t suppose you know whether you have been given a testosterone inhibitor as well, do you?”
“No, I don’t.” sniffled Kim. “Does that make a difference?”
“Well, I’m no expert, I’m just a glorified GP, but I understand that testosterone inhibitors allow the oestrogen or female hormones to work unhindered. It’s kind of like castration without removal.”
“Holy SHIT!” said Kim, his hand instinctively going to his crotch, his eyes like serving platters.
“Hmm. Anyway, for the time being, all we can do is wait.”
“Oh God, I’m turning into a girl.” he said morosely, not noticing the looks the others were giving each other as if to say that they weren't sure he wasn’t one anyway.
“Not necessarily. It all depends on how far along things get. Pop your shirt off and we’ll have a look at your chest.”
“What?”
“To see if there’s any development there around the nipples. Puffiness and sensitivity is usually a pretty good indicator.”
“You mean I’m growing breasts?!” he exclaimed, his eyes nearly popping out of their sockets.
“Possibly. Amongst other things.”
“What other things?”
“Well, there’s usually some loss of fat from the waist as it redistributes itself around your hips and thighs, softening of the skin and often a reduction in the coarseness of facial and body hair. Your own hair will change, but probably not considerably, at least not to begin with and yes you will develop breasts. How large they become is largely dependent upon your mother.”
“This is awful. I’m going to end up with spaniel’s ears.”
“I’m fairly sure she wasn’t always like that.” said Dr. Corcoran, smiling at the image. “Of course, this is all assuming that this is left to continue unabated.”
It was not good news. Sensitivity in the nipples with some knottiness underneath. It explained why he didn’t feel embarrassed getting out of bed this morning since he didn’t have a woody to worry about.
“Um, can this ‘treatment’ affect, er, you know…”
“Pardon?” said Dr. Miles.
“Well, um, the… er, you know.” repeated Kim, nodding in a generally southerly direction and looking pointedly at his fork.
“Ah, erections?”
“Yes.” said Kim looking at his feet and changing colour drastically.
“Possibly. Perhaps they have given you inhibitors. Maybe that was the ‘other’ medicine. I think it would be best if you checked into a hospital as soon as possible. I’ll contact the necessary authorities and have an ambulance waiting when we dock. It sounds a little drastic, but I think it’s for the best. Anyway, try not to think about it for the time being, just try and relax and enjoy the cruise.”
“Enjoy the cruise?” he said with more than a note of incomprehension. “How can I expect to do THAT with all this happening?”
Everyone gave him a pretty wide berth and it was several hours before he was approachable.
“It may not be as bad as you think.” said Lucy.
“How so?”
“Well, you know. It’s like doctor Corcoran was only speculating. They may not have done what you think.”
“Well it’s simple enough. Pete said they’d caught the bloke who gave me the jabs, why don’t they just ask him?”
Lucy looked at Kim then laughed.
“What?”
“How is it that we have several highly trained professionals on board this thing and it takes a teenager to show them the ropes?”
Next thing, both Lucy and Kim were laughing.
Pete and Gil spent the better part of the day with Doctor Weintraub and Doctor Corcoran trying to ascertain just what they had done to Kim, but Weintraub was proving to be a tough nut to crack.
The final frontier...
By Nick B
© 2008
Hopefully now, these poor folk can stop trundling round and round in circles and can finally put their feet on dry land. It's been entirely too long coming and the retail outlets on board ran out of Sea-sickness tablets around Christmas, so well, without further ado...
I have looked at my situation and precious little else for over two weeks and now, as we near New York, I can’t help feeling that I could have or should have done something different. I never wanted to be a girl in the first place and having lived my life as one for the better part of three weeks, I can honestly say, I’m not sure how I’m going to find going home.
Doctor Corcoran keeps telling me not to worry about it, but I KNOW things are happening inside me. I KNOW things are changing and as much as he is telling me not to worry, in just over under three weeks, my nipples have got bigger and according to Lucy, I have small breasts too, though to be fair, she may just be winding me up.
I rather thought that the doctor might have been a little more sympathetic, but instead, he has proved to be just like every other doctor and if not downright dismissive then just lacking in a decent bedside manner. He’s supposedly giving me something to keep the symptoms at bay, but I can’t say they’re having that good an effect, or if they are, God alone knows what this would be like. I wouldn’t mind, but every other day, it’s the same thing. I tell him the morning sickness and nausea are no better and he tells me not to worry about it. You try that with your head stuffed down the lavatory.
“It’s down to the dosage of hormones, he said. It’s classed as an overdose.”
“Can you overdose on hormones then?” asked Lucy as we walked back along the scrubbed deck.
“Apparently so.” I said, gingerly feeling the spot through my skirt where doctor Corcoran had given me another shot to help reduce the side effects of the hormones. “It’s what’s messing my head up.” I could feel the water works coming on again.
“What’s wrong?”
“See, I don’t even have to do anything and off I go. It's just ridiculous.”
Lucy put her arm about my shoulders. “Don’t worry, I’ll look after you.”
I felt better, but at the same time, worse. I didn’t want a big sister. I wanted her to love me — romantically, not platonically.
Now I know nothing about sex change issues, but I do know that people have done it–I’ve seen Jerry Springer after all, but how long does it take to change from one sex to the other? I would have thought just a little longer than three weeks.
I know about the changes to the physical side, but I didn’t know I would feel changes in my head too. I lie in bed (or rather, on the sofa) going over the day and cringe at what I have said to Lucy or to others that we’ve met. It’s made me understand how it is that no-one has suspected that Kim is not a girl’s name in my case. I mean I'd take me for a girl if I didn't know me.
Worst of all, I have enjoyed it. Well, mostly.
Of course, Lucy is half the reason I am finding it easier than I expected to take all this, but I’m unsure about how she feels. Until yesterday at any rate. I think she let EVERYONE know how she felt then.
It all started in the breakfast bar.
Somehow, we got parted and by “we” I mean all of us. Pete and Gil were up front in the queue and about three people behind was Lucy, with me bringing up the rear about three behind Lucy–-metaphorically speaking since there were people behind me too.
I was in a world of my own and was I suppose, dawdling, but as the queue moved forward, I heard someone behind me.
“Hey isn’t that the girl you were dancing with?”
“Dunno, it was dark–-hang on.”
The next thing I knew was this hand on my bum, giving it a good squeeze.
“OY!” I yelled, but the hand didn’t move, continuing as it did, to stay on my rear as I spun round to come face to face with some pimply, smiling Herbert from the disco a couple of weeks ago. “Do you mind?”
“What’s up darlin’?” he asked, sliding his hand up from my bum to my waist until he almost had his arm round me. “Weren’t like this in the disco were you? Couldn’t keep yer hands to yourself could you?”
“That’s not true and you know it. Now GET OFF!” I said, though I don’t think he was taking much notice. Before I knew what was happening, Lucy was there, a look of thunder on her face.
“You heard her. Hands off.”
“Ooooh a feisty one. I like a bit of gumption in a woman.” he said looking as though he had no intentions of removing his grubby mauler.
“Gumption this!” she said and I almost had sympathetic tears coming from my eyes as down he went, her knee finding its target–-right in the fork.
She put her arm around me protectively and drew me away while the Neanderthal, still on his knees tried to draw breath and mumble something about “‘effin’ lezzies” as two uniformed crew made their way purposefully over to him and his mate.
Up until that moment, many of my reservations were centred round Lucy, of whom I have grown very fond. No, let’s face facts–its love. It’s not just a mere liking or even an infatuation, but full blown love. My heart skips a beat when she’s near me and when she looks at me, I can’t help it; I go all dreamy, cow-eyed and stuff. It’s weird and most unlike me. In fact, that’s not me at all. Now of course, that’s increased tenfold.
See that’s one of the things I don’t like about this. I’m not particularly fond of the cross-dressing, but even less fond of the change in my personality. I get weepy at the least provocation and I’m starting to think about how I’m dressed, does my bum look big in this skirt and all the while, my inner male is screaming “get me out of here!”
Of course, having Lucy near at times like those is quite the comfort. She went ballistic when she found out I was a boy and no amount of explaining seemed to mollify her, although the episode in the breakfast bar kind of straightened that out.
I wonder whether she has come to terms with it or perhaps there’s something else, but I’m finding this change in her behaviour towards me odd, as when at first she wasn’t prepared to explore the idea of a girlfriend and I mean G~I~R~L~F~R~I~E~N~D. It’s silly really. I think she thinks I was pulling the wool over her eyes, when all it was, was a difficulty in finding the right time to tell her something I wasn’t sure she should know in the first place. Adding insult to injury, we slept — and I do stress SLEPT — together that particular night, which was a comfort, but since then I have been relegated to the sofa in the main cabin.
The sofa means it’s a straight line to the loo and frankly I think that’s a good thing at the moment. These hormones are causing me to suffer what pregnant ladies call “morning sickness”. Trouble is it’s not just the mornings. If I’m not being sick, I’m feeling sick and if it’s neither of the former, then I just want to go to sleep.
There are just two days to get myself together for docking at New York and whilst Pete and Gil have assured me that there’s nothing to worry about, I can’t help being scared at having to face the big, wide world as Kim… the girl.
Honestly, it’s a nightmare and why does everyone think there’s nothing to worry about when they’re not the ones dressing as a girl when they should be a man are they?
Lucy has been trying desperately to console me, but somehow, I can’t seem to get it through my head that I’m under her uncle and his partner-in-crime-prevention’s guard and therefore, it’s going to be alright.
They’re getting nowhere with Doctor Weintraub, so how do they know it’s not all going to turn to rat-shit? I guess it’s because they think the people actually pulling the strings are no longer on this tub, which I suppose is fair comment. I DO feel a lot safer now that Donna’s gone, but really I just want to go home and forget the majority of this happened. Trouble is, I can’t see it being that simple. Then again, I suppose I AM being particularly pessimistic.
I don’t think it’s without good reason however.
Here I am trying to enjoy my holiday, won through a competition–which should make me happy, but instead, I have been fed female hormones, had my clothing thrown overboard and found myself forced to wear girl’s clothes, act like a girl, live like a girl and now I have to face getting off this oversized bath-tub into a foreign country, as I am. Apparently, I have no choice in the matter. As for getting off the plane in England–that’s when the problems really start.
“It’ll be alright, Kim.”
“I know, but I can’t just switch off the fear. I don’t know what I’m going to be walking into and that’s the bit that scares me.”
“That’s fair.”
Later that evening, I was standing out on the deck as the moon rose and way off in the distance was America. The deep blue of the sea glinted silver as the clam waters crested in tiny waves. Lucy joined me as I leant on my elbows looking out across the vast ocean.
“How you doing? You’re going to be alright. Pete, Gil and I will make sure of that.”
Thanks Lucy. I don’t know what I would have done without you. I know I didn’t do some things right, but under the circumstances, I had no experience of how to react to all this.”
“I think you’ve done really well. I’m just as guilty as you for messing up.” She squeezed my hand and for a moment I really DID feel safe again. “Shall we go back to the cabin?”
“You go on, I’ll be back shortly.”
It didn’t happen that way.
I remember a sharp pain on the back of my head and then nothing . . .
“Standing outside looking over the railings.” replied Lucy.
“Well, she needs to be in here packing her stuff away.”
“You’re doing it again, Pete.” said Gil.
“Doing what?” asked Pete, holding his hands out.
“You called Kim “she”.”
“So?” Gil raised an eyebrow and Pete blushed to the roots of his hair. “Shit. I keep forgetting. Would you go and grab her, I mean him please, Lucy?”
Lucy went outside, but came back very quickly indeed. “He’s not there.”
“Well, where is he?”
“I don’t know. He said he was going to follow me back in a few minutes. That’s–Oh my G–that was an hour ago.”
The three stood in something akin to suspended animation. Had he thrown himself overboard, fed up with the prospect of having to deal with the after-effects of the hormones, the stigma of having to return to England through America dressed as a girl?
The phone rang in the cabin and Lucy, Pete and Gil all jumped, bringing them back into the present and their three worried faces turned and looked at it expectantly.
“Is someone going to answer that?” Asked Gil, who was admittedly, furthest from the desk where it was placed. Pete almost threw himself at it.
“Hello? Yes… What??! Okay, we’ll be there in a minute.” He put the phone down, his face ashen. “Kim’s been attacked by someone. He was found on the deck, unconscious. He’s in the infirmary.”
All three rushed to the infirmary and were pretty well puffed out on arrival.
“Doctor Corcoran, is he alright?” asked Lucy breathlessly.
The doctor smiled benignly. “He’s had quite a nasty blow to the back of his head, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. To be on the safe side, there’ll be an ambulance at the dock waiting when we arrive. For now, I think it’s best he stay here, don’t you?”
“I’m sorry to hear about that young man.” he said.
“Yes, he doesn’t seem to have had a very pleasant time of it. I understand that an ambulance has been arranged, so he should be alright.” replied Pete
“I’ll make certain of it. What about that old doctor?”
“That’s down to the authorities on this side of the pond now. Hopefully, there will be no problem in extradition, but you know as well as I do, it’s down to the governments to decide now.”
“Shame. I thought you were getting somewhere.”
“Only geographically, more’s the pity.”
“They’re going to take you off separate to the passengers. There’s apparently going to be an ambulance waiting. I know it sounds corny, but did you see your attacker?”
“Not a chance. I didn’t even get a chance to say “OW!””
“That’s what I thought. Still, won’t be long and you’ll be back home and you can put all that behind you, can’t you?”
“I hope so, Pete. I really hope so.”
“Why don’t you go with Kim? I’m sure he’d appreciate the company.” She was off like a greyhound after the stuffed hare.
“Do you think they’ll let her aboard the ambulance? She’s not family.”
“She’s as good as now. Anyway, it’ll take her mind off things. If she has to come back, she has to come back.”
“Does it upset you that we didn’t apprehend the culprits?”
“Not really. We did stick a bomb up their collective backsides though didn’t we?”
“Don’t worry,” said Gil. “We’ll be able to see him soon.”
They were finishing some formalities before being able to leave the dock when a man in a white crew uniform ran to them.
“Peter Thomas?” he called. Pete swung round and regarded the crewman as he pounded across the tarmac-covered dock.
“I am he.”
“I just wanted to tell you the ambulance is here.”
“Ambulance? The ambulance has gone. It went about ten minutes ago.”
“No sir. The ambulance is waiting at the security gate as we speak, sir.”
“This is not right at all.” said Pete and all four of them high-tailed it across to security whereupon, the fact that the ambulance was there, ready and waiting was all too apparent.
“This is the second, right?” Pete asked of the security guards.
“Yes, we let the other one out about fifteen minutes ago.”
“SHIT!” exclaimed Pete, reddening.
“What’s the matter?” asked the security guard.
“I have a feeling that the ambulance that took our young friend may not have been what it seemed. Now we have no way of knowing.”
“Ah, now that’s where you’d be wrong sir.” said the guard, beaming and produced a clip-board. On it, the last entry was the licence plate of the ambulance that had previously been through.
“What’s going on?” asked the officer.
“We think that an ambulance took a friend of ours, but we don’t think the ambulance or people inside were genuine.” said Pete.
“And you would be?”
“I’m Peter Thomas an agent with the British Department of the Interior and this is my associate Ms Gil Parker.”
“Is that like a spy or something?” the officer asked, his eyes wide.
“Something like that, yes.”
“Wow! A real live James Bond, eh?”
“Look, we’re wasting time. We believe our friend a Mr. Kim Heasman, has been abducted. There has been an investigation on the Paradise in order to uncover a ring that may involve people being abducted and sold in this country or through this country. We believe that Kim may have been taken in that capacity. We need the occupants of the ambulance to be apprehended in the pursuit of this investigation.”
“Why didn’t you say?” said the officer and strolled back his cruiser and got on the radio.
Moments later he was back. “If it’s out there, we’ll locate it.” said the officer.
“Oh it’s out there alright.”
“Are you going to tell him?” asked Gil.
“Tell him what?”
“That you are neither licensed to kill or a secret agent?”
“Nah. It’d spoil his day.”
They hadn’t been waiting long, when two men in dark suits, dark glasses and the presence of people who don’t like to be messed with, walked in. They took one look at Pete, Gil and Lucy and knew instantly that these were the people they needed to speak to.
“Agent Thomas, Agent Parker? I’m agent Smith and this is agent Jones.”
“You’re kidding right?” asked Gil, incredulously.
“No ma-am. We don’t do humour. Who’s this?” said Smith looking directly at Lucy.
“This is my niece. She was part of the cover on the trip over.” said Pete.
“Please to meet you, Miss. Now if you’d like to come with us.”
They were taken further into the building and to an office. A secretary was sent for some light refreshments and the English trio was made comfortable.
“It’s not everyday we get to work with British agents.” said special Agent Bill Redmond, who entered the office minutes after Pete, Gil and Lucy. “Welcome to the U.S of A.”
“Thank you sir.” said Pete. “I only wish it were under less serious circumstances.”
“Maybe another time.”
“They’re very colourful here aren’t they?” whispered Gil.
It was an arduous wait before any news came forth, but when it did, all three were up and ready to go.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to wait.” said Bill. “You’re civilians in our country and we don’t want you injured.”
The waiting went from plain arduous to positively unbearable as the three sat in the office with an agent who neither smiled nor spoke and certainly didn’t try and put the trio’s collective minds at rest and much to both Lucy and Gil’s disgust, Pete had taken to pacing.
“For God’s sake, sit DOWN Pete. Nothing’s happening right now and when it does, they’ll tell us.”
Two hours later, the news came in that they had apprehended two people and rescued a third from an ambulance that crashed in upstate New York. They knew it was the people they were after as there seemed to be some confusion about the patient.
“She won’t back down, keeps telling us she’s a he . . .”
“That’s our Kim!” said Gil.”
“We wanted you to know who the mastermind was.” said Bill Redmond and showed them to an interview room where sitting at the table in the customary orange jumpsuit, was none other than Miles Corcoran. Further down the corridor, equally nicely dressed for the occasion, sat Donna and in a third room, Margaret. Both had apparently been picked up after trying to leave the docks after coming in on a trawler.
It wasn’t all good news however.
It transpires that Corcoran was a research biologist and had not been feeding Kim with something to help calm the effects of the hormones, but had actually been injecting him with something that would speed up the transition.
The drug was in its test phase and although the doctors at the hospital had managed the get the majority of the implants out, hadn’t removed them all and had had to give Kim the bad news as regards his condition.
“You’re healthy, but the effects of the shots you’ve been being given have had rather more of an effect than we would normally be accustomed to at such an early stage. Some things like your shape and the breast development will probably never go away entirely. We would suggest that you continue as you are for the next couple of months, but obviously without the shots the doctor was giving you and take it from there. Very regular check ups are desirable to ascertain the ongoing effects. ”
The upshot was that Kim was going to have to stay feminine-looking for at least the next two months, perhaps longer.
“How do you feel?” asked Lucy.
“Pissed off. I at least can go back to wearing my own clothes, but then the issue will be looking like a girl in men’s clothes.”
“It could be worse.”
“How?”
Lucy couldn’t answer that one.
As she was about to leave, something struck her.
"If it's any consolation, Kim,"
"What's that?"
"I love you just the way you are."
Well that depends upon how you look at it.
Doctor Corcoran is now serving time for kidnap amongst other things and probably won’t see the outside world for at least twenty-five years probably more, as his connections have led police in New York and other states to believe that he was much more deeply involved than they first thought. They don’t seem to mind the idea of adding a few more years onto his sentence as the information comes to light.
As for Donna and Margaret, well their failing dating agency was the British connection.
They are presently awaiting extradition along with Herb Weintraub. It was Weintraub who put the idea into Donna and Margaret’s heads and helped out with some of the less palatable jobs. Their sentences have still to be decided.
So for them, no it didn’t at all.
Just one final thing.
Pete received this about four months after their return from the States . . .
Dear Pete and Gil,
I hope this finds you well and I can’t thank you enough for what you two did for me on that horrible cruise. The help you arranged has been invaluable and I am putting it to good use, with some help.
I’m not a bit disappointed as it turns out, I would just liked to have made my own mind up, but suffice it to say, Kim the boy is nowhere to be seen and I feel a lot better for it. I’m learning and still have a lot to learn, but Lucy is helping there.
Yes, we’re still together, learning how to get on as a couple and I know who wears the trousers in this relationship!
Will I go the whole hog and have the op? I have the finances to do it now (thanks again), but I’m not sure. No-one questions that I’m not a girl and since the hormones stopped, I do have some use of–well, I’m not sure Lucy would be too pleased if I lost certain parts, let’s put it that way.
Seriously, I don’t know. For the time being, getting used to being a girl in the real world is hard enough, but I’m in no rush.
Thanks again,
Kim & Lucy.
PS
Stop being a dick and make an honest woman out of Gil. You know you want to.