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Nena: Book 2 - Das Ist Normal

 
 

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Part 1
 
"Hmm, maybe a bit but you've seen the last of me in a dress!"

Those words were bound to come back to haunt me!

The last week as Nena had had its lighter moments but now it was time to get back to normal and normal means trousers and Chris! Now in case you missed what happened last week, here's a quick recap. My name is Chris Hornby, yes like the model railways, I've not heard that before, and I work for Global Holidays as a host on their coach holidays. To satisfy a bet, I spent last week in Austria as 'Nena', thankfully that's over and I can put that episode down to experience!
 
 
Monday morning, as usual after a week away it's laundry time, except instead of boxers and socks I've got panties and tights! Not normal! Whatever, I put the washer on and selected my usual cool wash, looking at the labels that should do the job okay. Whilst the machine did it's stuff I sorted out my paperwork, trip receipts, tips, tea money, Mr. Taxman would want his share, which is how the whole thing started.
 
 
Half an hour later and I was sat in a state of shock. I certainly underestimated last night, the tips came to a hundred and twelve pounds and there was seventy- eight quid in the tea float. How we work it on Global, I have total responsibility for the refreshments, buying raw materials, selling; Global just set the prices so that everyone charges the same. As far as the tips go, the host and driver usually pool the income then split it down the middle, my contribution is generally pretty small, but not this week! Lastly, the trip money, like the tea money, all comes to me, I have to 'hire' the bus and driver, the driver gets a flat rate, the bus is charged by the kilometre. It's not often you can make much on the trips! This all sounds like I'm rolling in it but the wages are pretty crap, most of us have a second job when we're home.

The buzzer on the washer disturbed my reverie and I busied myself with getting 'my' small's hung out before getting ready to head over to my colleague and nominal girlfriend, Julia. Supposedly today is a day off but it's expected that we take the accounts and stuff in sometime today, I generally cadge a lift off Julia over to the depot.

I got myself organised and got as far as the door to my flat before I remembered Nena's hair! Damn, I hunted round and found a baseball cap then spent five minutes hiding as much of my currently white blonde hair as I could before setting off for the half hour walk to Julia's. It was one of those bright days; warm but windy with white cotton wool clouds scudding across a backdrop of blue. At least the hat kept my hair under control!

"Hi Chris, kettles on, what's with the hat?"

I took it off and let my blonde locks loose.

"This?"

"I think you look cute as a blonde"

"Well I don't," I said making the coffee.

"Aah, poor Chrisikins"

"You said you'd dye it back this morning" I mentioned

"Dang! I clean forgot"

"Jules!" I whined

"Look, I'll nip down the village and get some dye now, it won't take long, you want anything fetching?"

"No thanks"

"Be back in ten" she pulled the door closed behind her, then I heard her little Polo splutter into life and take off with an asthmatic whine! I sat and read through the local free paper while I waited.
 
 
The door opened and a slightly flustered Julia dumped a carrier bag on the table.

"Here" she chucked me aMars bar and settled on the sofa next to me.

"You get it?"

"Well yes and no"

"It's either one or the other"

"Well they didn't exactly have much choice, seems everyone round here want to be blonde!"

"So?" I prompted

"Well unless you fancy being a red head, the only stuff I could find near your colour is only a temporary wash in job. Sorry Chris"

"It'll have to do I 'spose"

"We can stop off in town after we've been in to work and get some from Boots"

"Come on then let's do it"

Now then, let this be a warning! Brown wash in hair colour used on white blonde hair comes out khaki! I'm not sure what's worse.
 
 
"Oh come on Chris, stop moping, we'll sort it out later."

She was right I guess.

We drove the fifteen miles over to the depot, arriving just after two.

"Hi you two" Maureen on reception chirped, "good week?"

"Great thanks," Julia dug into her bag and produced a box, "here's your perfume"

"Thanks Jules, Bill's inside"

"Okay, come on Chris"
 
 
We walked through to the accounts office to find Bill.

"Chris, Julia"

"Afternoon Bill" I returned his greeting

"You both have good trips?"

"Not too bad, at least the weather was good"

"Who's first?"

"Go on Chris, I want to have a word with Gloria in reservations"

"Looks like it's me then"

"Shut the door Chris"
 
 
Oh dear, this doesn't sound good. Although we're on first name terms, Bill is actually one of the partners who own Global and although he does the accounts, he also does the hiring and firing.

"Have a seat Chris" this was way too formal, not Bill at all.

"What's up Bill?" may as well get it over and done with!

He was obviously a bit unsure on how to start.

"Firstly, I'm glad you've recovered okay"

"Recovered?" oh shit I'm sunk good and proper

"From the food poisoning that made you come home, funny you didn't let the office know?" his look meant I was in real deep doo doo.

"Several passengers rang from Austria and more this morning to see how you were. What could we say? That we didn't know anything about it?" I collapsed back into the chair.

"And then there were the other calls."

"Other calls?"

"Yes we've had twenty three calls praising one 'Nena' who apparently filled in for you in your absence. Seems the young lady was quite a hit and according to a couple of passengers 'a right looker'."

"I'm dead aren't I?"

"Well I have to take a firm line, you left the tour without contacting us here, that in it's self is a sacking offence. Then the mysterious Nena replaces you, we don't know who this person is, and all we know is that she filled in for you and did a good job. Have you got any explanation?"

Choices! I can come clean, tell him the whole story and get not only me but also probably Den and Julia sacked as well. Or shoulder the blame myself, say it was all my idea, resign and hopefully end it there. Either way won't look good on my CV!

"Before you say anything, I've already spoken to Den this morning"

Damn! Looks like I've little choice.

"Okay, if you spoke to Den you know most of it already. I knew it was a bad idea when Mandy suggested it. Look I'll quit if that's what you want, just leave the others out of it."

"Quit!" he looked genuinely shocked by my proposal, "why would I want you to quit? You might not have done it by the book but finding a suitable replacement at short notice, and one so capable. No, I don't want you to quit."

"But?"

"Yes there's a but, I would like to have the same staff for a whole tour. If you fall sick again, ring me! I know that compared to the girls you get a rough deal"

"I ah"

"Word gets round Chris, I know you work hard and from what I've seen you are the best host we have. But the girls get all the big tips, the punters don't mind if they don't get a running commentary and I have to admit they could just sit at the front looking pretty and no one would complain. You on the other hand work your butt off. It is appreciated and you know we get lots of feedback praising you but I also know it would get me down, so much for sex equality eh?"

I simply nodded.

"What I'm trying to say Chris, I don't know how to say this really. Look, if you want to take a week off and get say Nena to cover for you that's fine by me and Russ (the other half of the partnership!) as long as you give us a warning before hand" he gave me a wink.

"What about Den and the others?"

"How many people outside this room know about last week, I mean on Global?"

"Five? Six with Russell"

"Well I don't see any reason to increase that do you? As far as the rest of the staff knows, you managed to get a college friend to fill for you who may or may not work for us again. That okay?"

"I don't think she'll have to do that anytime soon"

"That's up to you. You know where I stand. You've always been a credit to Global and I know you'll continue to be. Now that's done with, lets sort out the money."

We did the tour accounts and I finally got to leave Bill's office

"Find that girlfriend of yours and send her in. and leave the door"

"Sure"
 
 
I tracked Julia down to reservations.

"Bill's ready for you now"

"You were a long time, is there anything wrong? When I saw the door?"

"He knows about last week"

"Bum!"

"S'okay it's all sorted but expect an ear bashing, I'll fill you in later"

"Best not keep him waiting I guess"

I walked through to the tour office to find Russ.

"Hiya Chris, you finished with Bill?"

"Er yeah, sorry about last week"

"Just let us know in future eh? And that bird you got in went down a treat"

How much had Bill told him? For that matter, how much did Bill know?

"What have I got this week Russ?"

"Well as you're here first you get to choose. We've got Brittany, the Algarve and Eifel Experience"

Looks like a no brainer, I hate the heat and my French is not that brilliant.

"Looks like the Eifel then, that's a nine day yeah? Who's the driver?"

"Yeah, they're all nine this week, Den's doing Germany."

"Great"

"Pick up your tour pack Friday, leave the depot at six on Saturday"

"See you Friday then"

I left to go get a cuppa while I wait for Julia.

"I got a proper chewing out!" Jules mentioned as we drove back to her place

"It wasn't exactly a picnic for me"

"So what did he say?"

"Ring in sick next time"

"About you know who stupid"

"He said as long as he knows beforehand Nena can take another tour. As if!"

"Cool!"

"It is not! I told you it was a one off"

"Well"

"Well nothing, Chris Hornby and not Nena whatsername works for Global. Final!"

"Okay, keep your hair on"

"Hair! Damn I forgot about that"

"Well it's too late for the shops now"

"I guess I'll live till tomorrow"

I think I mentioned that I've got a second job, nothing very cerebral I'm afraid, I work behind the bar in the village pub. And guess what? The regular barmaid, Beth has broken her wrist so who gets roped in to work her shifts all week? Yep me! Not bad I hear you say, yeah extra money great but also no chance to sort out my hair. I've not got a phobia, honest!     Julia came by the Oaks on Thursday afternoon, it's all day opening and I've got the two to eleven shift. "How's it going Chris?" "So so." "At least that horrible brown has washed out." "Well that's good at least" I mentioned sarcastically.

"What about the tour?"

"What about it?"

"Well, will you get a chance to do your hair before?"

"I doubt it, I suppose I can put up with it, I've got used to it"

"I reckon you like being a blonde"

"It's only hair!"

"Whatever"

"Okay I admit it, I like being blonde. Happy?"

"Don't be like that Chris"

"Well it's not like I got much say did I?"

"Alright it's all my fault, I admit it"

"I didn't mean it like that Jules"

"So you enjoyed being a blonde bimbo?"

"I was not a bimbo!" "Ha! So you did enjoy it!" "I never said that" "You didn't deny it though" "It was okay" "Just okay?" "Yeah" "I bet you wouldn't do it again then" Where did that come from?

"What?"

"I bet you wouldn't do it again"

"What the hell for?"

"Well if it wasn't a big deal you wouldn't be bothered"

"I'm not bothered!"

"Prove it! Do next weeks tour as Nena and I'll be your sex slave for a month"

"Give over!"

"I'm serious. You do another tour as a girl and you get me however you want for a month. Otherwise I can play hard to get"

"This is stupid"

"Stupid huh" she pouted, "hey Rodg (the manager of the pub), would you wear a dress if I offered you sex for a month? Hypothetically of course"

"Hypothetically of course, where's the frock?"

"Well I just offered that to Chris and he's turned me down"

"Chris lad, put on the dress!" Roger told me

Now I'm in a corner! If I say no it looks like I don't want her when I do. If I say yes I have to become Nena again! It's a no win situation.
 
 
"I'm not saying yes, but if I did that's it right?"

"If that's what you want"

I thought it through again as Julia sipped on her orange juice. Ah well, in for a penny.

"Okay"

She leant over the bar and gave me a hug.

"I'll ring Bill for you, I'll pick you up later and we can let you have an advanced sample of the sex!"

Now that I can look forward to!

I worked the ten till three shift on Friday and Jules picked me up.

"You going like that?"

"Why not?" we're only picking up paperwork so my shirt and jeans were okay.

"Blondes! If you're going as Nena tomorrow we need to get the paperwork sorted and you need a photo id."

"Can I change my mind?"

"No way José! Bill's expecting Nena and Nena he's gonna get!"

My goose was already cooked!
 
 
We eventually arrived at Global just before six thirty; a freshly plucked, shaved and enhanced Nena Ziegler followed Jules into reception.

I wasn't really that thrilled by the outfit Jules had me wear!

"Hi Maureen" "Oh hi Julia, who's this then?" The first test. "Oh sorry. Maureen meet Nena, Nena, Maureen. Nena is covering for Chris this week" "Hi Nena, Chris not ill is he?" "No, he's fine, family or something" Jules filled in, "Bill in?" "I think he's in with Russ in traffic" I followed in my girlfriends' wake. "Ah Julia, come for your pack?" "Yeah and I've brought Nena here to sort out her paperwork" "Hi Nena, you covering for Chris again then?" "Ja, it is okay?"

"Great, at least he followed channels this time. Here you go, float, tickets, itinerary, I'm sure Julia and Den will see you alright."

He really didn't know.

"Thank you"

"Have a good trip, both of you"

"Come on Nena, let's go see Bill"

"One down" I muttered as we walked through to Bill's office

"Oh hi Julia" he glanced up from his paperwork, "what can I do for you?"

"I've er brought Nena, Chris's stand in?"

He looked up and did a double take.

"The mysterious Nena eh. Well I can see what Den meant now."

"Den?"

"He said you were a looker and, no offence mind, you're a cracker!"

What would you do? Me I turned bright pink.

"Let's get this paperwork sorted, oh and you need a Global uniform. Jules can you sort that while we do the rest?"

"Sure. See you in a few Nena"

"If I didn't know" he shook his head
 
 
Forty minutes later we were back in the car, we'd even checked our buses over. I was now the 'proud' owner of a Global blouse, skirt and scarf, full picture id in the name of Nena Ziegler and an order for a dozen bottles of wine! Of course it couldn't end there could it. Oh no. Jules insisted that I get some 'supplies' from the supermarket and then to my eternal shame we stopped at the Oaks.

"Hi Julia, no Chris tonight?"

"No just us girls, can you fit us in?"

"No trouble ladies"

"Oh this is Nena"

"Nice to meet you, I'm Rodg"

"You must be Chris's boss?"

"That's me, you related, you have the same eyes"

"Cousin on her mothers side" Jules supplied

"Well enjoy your meal girls"

"Thanks"

"Well he didn't clock you" Jules mentioned
 
 
After eating we went by my place to pack my, well Nena's stuff then we hopped over to Chez Julie, it's what we usually do the only difference was that I wore a night-dress to bed! Women! Not that I'm complaining, Jules was like the proverbial rabbit and it was after twelve when she dropped off leaving me to my thoughts.

'Do I really want to do this?

What the heck am I thinking?

Passport? I still have Ingrid's, just hope no one looks too carefully!'
 
 
I drifted off into a fitful sleep.
 
 

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Maddy Bell 21.03.04  © 2004
Photos  © Maddy Bell 2001,2002
 
 
End of Part 1
 
 
To Be Continued...

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Nena: Book 2 - Das Ist Normal

 
 

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Part 2
 

I suppose the uniform isn't so bad

"How did I let you talk me into this?" I grumbled as I hugged my fleece around me. The breeze was blowing straight up my skirt and the uniform blouse is how can I put it, thin! "You'll be on a lovely warm coach soon so stop complaining" Julia's reply was muffled by the collar of her own jacket. "Here you go, milk no and black with two" Mandy handed out the Styrofoam cups of scalding beverages. "Thanks Mand" "S'alright Chris, you can get them at Toddington" "Nena!" Jules and I chorused "Sorry, habit" Mand told us, "I still can't believe you're doing this, I mean one week, bit of fun but another one? You sure there's not something you want to tell us?" "Maand!" Jules whined

"I was only saying!"

"Yeah well don't. I told you last night, it's a sort of bet"

"And I don't get to find out the rules"

"Nope" I agreed.

"So are you doing the accent and everything this time?" Mandy asked me

"I guess so, hey Jules, I just realized I could have got away without all that"

"Yeah but you are so much more convincing in German!"

If it hadn't been for the cup of scalding tea I would have got her for that.

"And anyway, Bill's told everyone that a dishy fraulein is on with Den this week"

"I am so not dishy!"

"Go look in a mirror girlfriend!" Mand put in

"Here they come!" Jules stated as the roar of the first coach reached us.
 
 
"You must be Nena, I'm Colin, your feeder to Dover" he offered his hand

"Hallo Colin" this is the hardest bit, pretending I don't know people! In fact that's gonna be the worst bit this week as I'm on sort of nodding terms at a lot of the places we're going to. And not only that but a friend of mine from college lives only a few kilometres from where we're staying!

Not only that but some of our regulars are on this trip, regulars that know me! I found that out last night but it didn't sink in till just now.

"You gonna be okay Nena?" Jules asked. Nena. That's me with no escape until a week on Sunday, what am I doing?"

"Nena?"

"Oh sorry Julia, just thinking, yeah I'm okay"

"Time to get your bum onboard then" Mand mentioned giving me a peck on the cheek.

"Hey no fair!" Jules stated before bussing my other cheek.
 
 
I climbed on board the bus and Col had the door shut and was reversing off the stand before I got my seat down. Next stop Toddington! I now found myself in a bit of a quandary, do my usual spiel and risk being recognised or try something different.

"You okay to do the intro Nena?" Colin asked

"Er yes, I think so" well it's not like I don't know the stuff! But I can't appear too sure of myself; someone might smell a rat. We pulled into the flow of southbound traffic that means show time! Mandy and Julia would both be doing a similar presentation just about now and the regulars would be waiting.

I took up the mic.

I stood up, smoothed my skirt and picked up the microphone. "Guten Morgen" The expected mumbled mornings were a bit more attentive than usual, something different was happening! "My name is Nena, I am from Germany and I will be your Hostess this week. My English is not always so good so I apologise now. We are going to the lovely Eifel region, if you book to go to Brittany this is not the correct bus." Well I thought I'd try some humour and I did hear a couple of chuckles. "Our driver until Dover is Colin, tour driver will be Dennis and he will join us at Dover. I must tell you something of the bus, here next to me, is the er, Erste Hilfe, yes first aid and fire hose? We would like if you use the seatbelts please but in any case you must when we are in Belgien. Exits in case of emergency are at the centre, the rear and the front. Also there is a Toilette at the middle" I paused to catch my breath, thought about my usual jest about the right door but decided to play safe. "If you have any questions, I will try to answer. Shortly I will come along the bus, if you would like to have a drink, I offer tea, coffee, chocolate and how do you say Cola, Limonade?" "Soft drinks" Colin mentioned.

"Yes soft drinks. The drinks are cost fifty pence or seventy cents if you would pay in Euro. I hope that you will enjoy this visit, thank you"
I finally clicked the Mic off, the passengers always take a while to settle down afterwards so I sat down for a minute.
"Would you like a tea or coffee Colin?"

"Tea, white no sugar please" predictable as always!
 
 
"So Nena, what are your lot like?" Mandy asked

The three of us were sat in a corner of the restaurant attacking our breakfast; the drivers were over in the smoking area.

"They seem okay so far" I replied between bites of sausage.

"I've got a couple of right moaners" Julia told us, "it's cold, the music's too loud, haven't you got any decaf?"

"Nightmare" I mentioned

"I've got a week of it to look forward to" she moaned

"You sure you're gonna be alright Chri...Nena?" Mandy asked

"I managed last week!"

"Beginners luck" Jules deadpanned

"Maybe, but this week should be easier, I know all the places a lot better."

"And the people"

"Yeah and the people" I allowed, tucking a blonde lock behind my ear.
 
 
Saturday morning around the M25 - miss it if you can! To be fair we didn't get held up too much, well it kept moving just about and we only queued over the bridge! I made a couple of trips up the coach doing the refreshment thing and generally the passengers were in fine fettle despite the early start that a few of them had had. I started to get a bit nervy as we approached the Kent coastline; my first potential tangle with the authorities was looming.

Past the Eurotunnel terminus and up through the tunnel, then the drop down into Dover, I was definitely getting twitchy! Then we were there, the Dover passenger terminal, and there waiting were Rob, Steve and Den.

"Hi Col, Nena. Everything okay?"

"Yeah she's behaving okay" Col told Den

"What about the coach?" Den and Colin both laughed at that while I turned an unbecoming pink.

Col collected his stuff and climbed off.

"Good trip you two and Nena, keep an eye out for Mr Luvva Luvva here!"

"I will, thanks Colin" I sat myself down as Den started us forward.

"Didn't expect to see you this week Nena?"

"Neither did I, I mean I didn't expect to be here either" you never know who's listening.
 
 
We were waved through immigration and we made our way around to the loading lanes to wait our turn. The other Global buses followed us through and we joined the couple of coaches already waiting. We had a few minutes to kill so Den and I got off to ostensibly check the lockers and restock the beverage supplies.

"So?"

"So what?"

"Why Nena again?"

"This is between us okay?"

"Okay" Den agreed

"Well, Julia sort of made me a bet"

"And you lost?"

"No, no, let me finish. So far I'm winning, if I last the tour out as Nena, I get er, I get Jules"

"You get Jules what?"

"No that's it. I get Jules"

"Phewee! Some bet!"

"Yeah, well I haven't won yet"

"We'll have to make sure you do then, looks like we're ready to load"
 
 
Unlike last time, the Channel crossing marked the end of the Global convoy this week. Den and I will be heading east, Steve and Mandy south while Rob and my other half head down the French coast. As usual we met in the drivers lounge, at least this time I wasn't wearing an attention grabbing leather minidress!

"So this is it then Chris" Jules mentioned as we relaxed after eating.

"Guess so" I agreed

"You'll be fine girl!" Mandy jollied

"I hope so"

"What can go wrong? No one gives you a second look"

"Well except for those lorry drivers over there" Julia pointed out

"That's all I need"

"Den'll look after you" Mandy added

"I hate to say it Chris but frankly you make a pretty good girl, bit flat on top but I can hardly shout" Jules told me.

"That's not something I really want to hear, and anyway you've got enough for me"

"How sweet!" Mand opined

Half an hour later it was time for farewells as we waited to berth.

"Ring when you get there Nena"

"I'll try to remember"

"Come here"

We all three hugged, the fact that no one took any notice of such a display no longer surprised me. As Nena new avenues and levels of behavior are required and public shows of affection are just one such.
 
 
French immigration waved us through and minutes later we turned onto the Dunkirk bound motorway and the start of our six-hour drive to our Rhineside destination, Andernach. I think I've mentioned before that this transit route is BORING! The best part really is that we are in resort tonight, no second days travel just to get there. I wouldn't swap with Mandy; they've got a long slog tomorrow and even then won't arrive till late evening.

I did the tea run every hour or so, just to break the monotony, we were headed towards Liege when the coach phone went off.

"Hello?"

"Who's that?" it was Roger back at the depot

"Nena, do you want Dennis?"

"No it's you I'm after. Er I don't know how to say this. We've just found your suitcase here at the depot"

"But I put it in the locker myself!"

"Sorry Nena, seems one of the mechanics had to empty the crew compartment to change a fuse for the toilet, your case got missed when he reloaded."
 
 
What is it with me and cases?

"You still there Nena?"

"Er yes"

"Look I can't apologise enough. If you can last until tomorrow night, Bill is going to drive over with it, about time one of us checked up on you people" he joked, "in the meantime if you need anything sooner get it out of your float and we'll sort it out later okay?"

"Thank you Roger, I'm sure I can survive that long"

"Sorry again Nena, have a good trip"

"What've they done now?" Den asked as I replaced the handset

"Managed to leave my case at the depot, Bill is bringing it over tomorrow, he's joining the tour"

"Just what we need! You okay clothes wise?"

"Well I've got a change of underwear and I guess I can recycle this stuff for tomorrow"

Den checked the time, just coming up to four.

"Hmm"

"What?"

"You'll see" he advised.
 
 
We drove on for a while then Den turned off of the motorway.

"Where are we off to now?"

"There's a hypermarket just down here"

"What do we want a hypermarket for?"

"Get you some clothes"

"I don't need any, and what about this lot?" I indicated our passengers

"Course you need clothes, you don't want to walk round all day tomorrow in that get up do you? We'll stop here instead of the services, there's a restaurant and toilets for the passengers"

"Whatever Den, but I don't need anything"

"Some girl you are!"

"Alright, I give in"
 
 
We arrived at the huge yellow shed that served as store, restaurant and plant nursery just moments later. After pointing the punters in the right direction for the restaurant with an admonishment to be back in thirty minutes, I left Den and headed into the store. I could have done without this excursion but at least this place is pretty anonymous - and cheap!

Den was actually right; this damn uniform is not something you want to be wearing too much! I headed towards the clothing department then realised the other restriction in these places, lack of choice. I scanned the selection and found nothing that I could envision me wearing, ah well. I was ready to admit defeat when I spotted a clearance rail with some more likely garments. After quick peruse I found a pale denim skirt, nearly knee length with some embroidery near the hem. Okay, now then what about on top?
 
 
I got back to the bus a step behind the last passengers clutching my purchases and sucking on a pear. I did the passenger count and sat in my seat.

"Okay Nena?"

"All present" we set off, next stop the hotel.

"You get everything?"

"Enough for tomorrow. Thanks Den, I would have just struggled on"

"I said last week that I'd keep an eye on you, and if you want to win the bet?"

"Like I said, thanks"
 
 
We soon rejoined the eastbound motorway and as afternoon changed to evening we crossed into Germany. The kilometres slipped under wheel and Aachen, Dá¼ren then Bonn all fell behind as we now turned south into the golden light of the evening. Signs for several of this week's destinations beckoned but we stayed true to the E31 over the Ahrtalbrá¼cke into the Hohe Eifel.

"Here we are" Den mentioned as the Autobahn took a sweeping left turn. Less than ten kilometres to our destination. Taking the next exit we headed toward the still hidden Rhine or more correctly, Rhein. The less than lovely surroundings of Andernach's industrial zone loomed about us as Den navigated us in towards the river. Almost without warning we were on the riverfront and our customers got their first Rhenish view. Moment's later Den set the handbrake outside of the Hotel Vulkan-Eifel, our home for the next week.

The Vulkan-Eifel is one of those rare things, a modern but privately owned and run hotel. The Krefeld family opened their first hostelry in 1910, the current building dates from the mid eighties, nothing like Ingrid's place in Seefeld! I went inside to book us in, we don't stop here that often but Margrit Krefeld has an uncanny knack for names & faces!

Margrit, thirty something and business like, met me in reception.

"You are with Global?"

Here goes nothing!

"Ja, ich heiáŸe Nena" I offered my hand

"Deutsche?" she asked taking the proffered appendage.

"Ja"

"Wilkommen, Nena. Ich bin Margrit. Wo ist Chris?" see what I mean! I gave her the 'cover' story, which she accepted without question.
 
 
The paperwork was sorted out while she started to chat away like an old friend rather than the businesslike start to our meeting. Somehow she extracted more information than I really wanted to give her but as far as she was concerned, I was Nena Ziegler. Phew!

By the time I returned to the bus Den had most of the cases off and the passengers were chomping at the bit.

"Hello everyone, Frau Krefeld is waiting in reception for you. If you go inside she will give you your room key; it will be a card? Yes card. You keep this for the week; it will open the side door if you are out late also. Dinner will be at twenty hours, er eight o'clock in the restaurant. Tomorrow we have a half day trip we depart at elf Uhr, sorry eleven o'clock, breakfast is from eight until nine thirty. Have a nice evening"

I stood down to do the step thing, a nearly full coach takes for ever to unload!

"How'd it go with Margrit?" Den asked as we collected our stuff together.

"Well she seemed to accept Nena, I just hope I can keep it up"

"That's when you get back" Den joked

"You know what I mean!"

"Keep your hair on!"
 
 
I followed Den back inside, with her usual efficiency; Margrit had already cleared the passengers.

"Dennis!" she gave him a hug over the counter.

"Margrit. Hans okay"

She rolled her eyes, "Hans! Always off with his guns! Ja he's fine. Here, I've put you two in the annex, you get some peace from the passengers, yes?"

"Fine" Den replied

"You know the way Dennis?"

"Back outside, hundred metres to the left"

"Ja, see you later"

I was glad to only have one carrier bag and my shoulder bag, Den didn't complain but by the time we got to the 'Alte Hotel Post' he was obviously straining a bit! For annex read old and no lift! Now Den started cursing as he negotiated the narrow stairway up to the second floor where our rooms were situated.
 
 
"Here we are, 203 for you and 205 for me"

"'Bout ten to eight?" Den asked

"Guess so"

"See you in a bit then"
 
 
I slipped into my room and collapsed onto the bed, kicking off my strappy sandals before stripping to my underwear. I shook my head, my underwear, bra, tights and panties, whatever happened to just a pair of boxers? I walked over to the heavily netted window, no stunning views here just a few cars darting past, a group of youngsters doing the teenager bit over in the little park, the double glazing successful in keeping most of the noise outside. Ah well, shower, dress dinner, I'm here now.
 
 
Then it occurred to me, I know what I get for winning but what about if I fail. Not that I'm going to. What does Jules get out of this? I'll have to ask her when I ring, after my shower.
 
 

---

 
Maddy Bell 28.03.04  © 2004
Photos  © Maddy Bell 2001,2002
 
 
End of Part 1
 
 
To Be Continued...

---

 

Nena: Book 2 - Das Ist Normal

 
 

---

 
Part 3
 

This outfit was at least comfortable!

Well there's one good thing when your wardrobe consists of one change of clothes, deciding what to wear is easy! It wasn't the classiest of outfits and the skirt was shorter on than it seemed in the hypermarket. On the other hand it was comfortable and the long sleeved T was just dressy enough. I finished off with a pair of tights and the cheapo sandals that I bought and after brushing my hair I was ready! "You ready in there?" Den called through the door. "As I'll ever be" I replied opening the door, "will I do?" He shook his head, "you look fine, in fact I'll go as far as to say you look far too good for a guy dressing up as a girl" I blushed something chronic. "Come on, let's go eat" "Money on it being veal" "Do you think I'm daft? I've never not had veal the first night here!"     We headed outside; the almost soundless view from my window now had sound and smell effects! The clack, clack, clack of a skateboard being propelled over the cobbles was temporarily drowned by a Golf Gti driver trying to impress the kids in the park, the smell of yeast from the bakery mingled with a slight ozone from the river.

I know I said a few minutes back that the skirt was comfortable but I wasn't particularly - comfortable that is. In fact I was feeling a bit exposed walking along the street, I was glad to have Den with me. Maybe it's just me, but last week in Seefeld I was more relaxed, perhaps it's the urban environment, all I know is that I never felt like this as Chris, as myself that is!

"You were right" Den mentioned as we walked through the Vulkan-Eifel's reception. There on the blackboard was tonight's menu, Kalbfleisch, Erbsen, Rotkohl and Kartoffeln, that's veal, peas, red cabbage and potatoes to you and me.

"Ah Nena, há¤Sie vielleicht einen Moment bitte?" Frau Krefeld called over

(I'll translate this bit for you!)

"Sure Margrit, what can I do for you?"

Den was hovering by the restaurant door while he waited.

"Do you want me to book the train for you?"

I must have looked at her dumbly as she went on, "for tomorrow, the Vulkan-Express?"

It clicked then.

"Isn't it a bit late, I was planning on just turning up"

"It's no trouble, I know Gerhard Bauer in the ticket office, I can ring him at home. If you just turn up you might not get on, it's a steam day, and it gets very busy"

"I never thought of that, in that case, yes please!"

"You are going for the eleven forty five?"

"Yes, we're leaving at eleven"

"That should be fine, I call Gerhard now and sort it out"

"Thank you so much Margrit, that would have been so embarrassing!"

"You'd best take Den into supper, he's looking a bit anxious over there."

I looked over, yep! He looked like he was waiting for a first date!

"Thanks again"

"It's no trouble dear"

I walked over to the waiting figure of Den.

"What was all that about?"

"Sorting out the train for tomorrow" this is well weird; I'm putting on a phony German accent to talk English to Den after speaking in pretty well unaccented German to Margrit! But you never know who's listening.

Unlike most tourist hotels, the Vulkan runs a self service buffet arrangement for all the meals, everyone gets what they want and after a couple of days nearly everyone ends up taking much smaller portions! Most of our passengers were already eating the main course; just one or two late arrivals like us were queuing for soup.
 
 
"Can I have your attention? Just for a minute" Den started much to my surprise, "We forgot to tell you earlier, in the morning after breakfast, Nena and myself will be taking bookings for this weeks excursions, there'll be a list on the blackboard in the morning. If you want to go on any of the trips come and see us in reception, again our apologies, enjoy your meals"

"I feel like a right plonker" I hissed to Den when he joined me at the soup tureen.

"I only remembered when you said about the train"

I realised he was waiting for me to serve his soup, oh the delights of womanhood!

"Don't think I'm doing this all week"

"Oh! Sorry Chr.. Nena"

"I'll let you off this time"

"So you got there in one piece?" I asked Jules a couple of hours later

"Yeah, we arrived about twenty minutes ago" Julia replied

"Well I'm glad some one's had a trouble free day, even if it has been a long one"

"I take it you didn't?"

"Two words, missing and case"

"A passengers? That happened to me back in April"

"Nope, mine!"

"How? I saw you put it in the locker myself"

"Apparently one of the fitters had to take everything out to fix a fuse or something. Everything went back bar the case of yours truly"

"No! What are you gonna do for clothes?"

"Bill's coming out to join the tour tomorrow, he's bringing my case with him"

"What about tomorrow, I suppose you'll have to wear your uniform"

"No, Den stopped at a hypermarket near Liege so I got a skirt and top to tide me over, the forecast is hot and sultry over here up until Tuesday at least."

"Huh, it's raining here. I think I'll let you buy my clothes from now on, you're getting a dab hand at buying women's stuff"

"Like I want to!"

"Oh come on Chris, I was only jesting"

"I know"

"But you have to admit, last time you ended up buying a couple of dresses that you didn't strictly need"

That was true enough I suppose, still the Italian leather one, hmmmm that feels so good to wear.
 
 
"Chris! Chris! Are you still there?"

"Oh sorry Jules, just thinking"

"Blondes! You're all the same!"

"I resent that and anyway you're blonde too"

"Your point?"

"I, a, you've got me there, I don't have a point"

"No you have two sticking out from your chest!"

"Enough! I'll speak to you tomorrow"

"Night Nena"

"Night Jules"

Den stood back and admired his handywork. "There's no 'e' in Ná¼rburgring" I mentioned He carefully rubbed the offending letter out. "Come on lets get some breakfast Miss no it all!" "Humph!" I got my breakfast; rye bread, ham and cheese, then set myself up in reception to book the excursions. Den brought me a coffee through then departed to go wash our transport. Over the next couple of hours I had a steady stream of punters, I think just about everyone on the bus booked to go to Trier, and maybe half a dozen missed each of the other two optionals. One of the kitchen girls brought me more coffee about ten thirty and Den rejoined me soon after.

"How we doing?"

"I think I've seen almost everyone, looks like a full bus most of the week"

"No slacking then"

"Nope!"

"Ah Nena" Margrit mentioned coming into reception.

"Oh hi Margrit"

"I spoke with Gerhard, he expects you about eleven thirty. If you go to the Fahrkartenschalter to pay, he will give you your tickets. You have a special price I think."

"Thank you so much, it would have been a disaster huh?"

"Ja, but we are sorted now yes?"

"Yes."

"You need to shake a leg Nena" Den mentioned as he headed outside.

"Damn!" I gathered my papers and cash box together and headed out to Den and the waiting bus. The day looked like it was going to stay dry so at least something was going okay! A quick head count confirmed a full contingent of holidaymakers, so with a nod to Den, we set off for the day. As I'd already seen everyone this morning, I missed the good morning routine and went straight into the 'bus walk'. The ride up to Brohl only took ten minutes and Den pulled our bus up behind a German coach, thank you Margrit!

"If you can make your way up to the platform, I will find out about our reservation"

"I'll see you at the top then" Den mentioned as I collected my bag from the dash.

"I guess so, don't get lost"

"Me?"

I gave him a pained look before heading towards the station myself.
 
 
Gerhard had indeed arranged a special price and reserved the fifth carriage for our exclusive use. I had to rescue some of my charges who were examining our motive unit, a small steam locomotive which hissed and spat as it waited for our departure.

I'd barely found myself a slatted perch when a shrill whistle announced our departure. The little train creaked and groaned as the slack was taken up then we were off. There was a lively chatter from my passengers as we moved beneath the trees, picking up speed as our transport started the long climb up the Brohlbach. We were quickly joined by the road up the valley, our companion all the way up to Niederzissen.

We chuffed along past the Tá¶nnisstein monastic brewery, over the level crossing and up to a brief halt at Burgbrohl. Some of the men went out onto the balcony to experience the noise and sulphurous smoke as we trundled along. There was a clanking at the doorway that heralded the arrival of the refreshments trolley! I could have killed a beer but I settled for a bottle of Apfelsaft, much more Nena! What am I thinking?
 
 
Under the motorway, we were approaching the mid point of the journey, a gust of wind managed to redirect a cloud of sooty smoke into our carriage that had us all choking for a moment. We ground to a halt in the station; I took the opportunity to check on my charges.

Being a veteran traveler on this line, I've done it once before, I knew that we lost the steam engine here, the last, much steeper leg uses diesel engines, and the change would take about ten minutes. A lot of passengers got off to watch and I had to keep tabs on my people. Finally the change was done and I ushered my wayward charges back on board for the final haul up to Engeln.

Slowly our little train chugged along through the trees, the tower of Burg Olbrá¼ck presenting itself as the focus of our attention. For a second time I vowed to get up here to visit the impressive ruin. The line moved into the steep sided confines of the upper valley, channeling a nauseating stench of diesel back to us. The road appeared down below us as we started the final assault on the summit! I spotted Den and the coach parked at the top and a little over an hour after leaving the Rhein we pulled into the upper terminus of Engeln or by my translation, Angel.

"Please, can you go to the coach at ten minutes." I asked my happy crew, "we have a short drive to our ná¤chste halt."

Last time I was here we lost half the bus for nearly an hour. I didn't really expect them to get over to Den in ten minutes, food, toilets and the Vulkanpark would all delay them but hopefully we'd get away in about half an hour.

"Good trip?" Den asked

"Well I don't think I lost anyone"

"Ice-cream?"

"Please, it was warm on there"

"Maybe I'll get to give it a go some time, I always miss out on the train rides" he stated before ordering my ice from the kiosk.
 
 
The bit of cloud cover was gone and the clearing breeze ruffled the hem of my skirt and sent a chill up my exposed legs. We were finally all loaded by twenty past one and after a head count we set off in our lovely air conditioned splendor. Den headed us up through the village then we turned back towards the big river. The crater lake of Laacher See and our next stop at Maria Laach monastery took barely ten minutes to reach. Once parked we despatched our charges for two hours and headed for the snack bar for a light lunch.

"You seem a bit quiet" Den offered

"Not really"

"Come on what's biting?" he persisted

"Alright, if you must know it's this whole Nena thing. Back on the train I had a soft drink instead of beer because it was 'more' Nena"

"So?"

"In case you'd forgotten, I'm Chris!" I hissed across the table

"I hadn't, but what's the big deal? So you passed up a beer, so what"

"It's not just that" I spat, "at breakfast I didn't have my usual plateful, just one roll. Anyone would think I'm on a diet!"

"So missing a drink and eating less means?"

"I don't know." I admitted, "I just seem to be becoming Nena more and more."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Maybe, oh I don't know!"

"Look Chris, you look like a woman, walk like one and that's what everyone sees, a good looking woman. Why is it so strange that you feel the need to act more like a woman? Boss man will be there when we get back; he'll be expecting you to be awkward and unsure of yourself. So snap out of it, eat your wá¼rst and show him how good you are."

"Good?"

"Yes Miss Ziegler, good. In fact whichever way you're dressed you are the best host on Global, the others know it, management know it, it's just you that seeks perfection"

Well that's me told!
 
 
Our passengers started to trickle back and at three thirty we pulled away for the short drive back across to Andernach.
 
 

---

 
Maddy Bell 11.04.04  © 2004
Photos  © Maddy Bell 2001,2002
 
 
End of Part 3
 
 
To Be Continued...

---

 

Nena: Book 2 - Das Ist Normal

 
 

---

 
Part 4
 
Bill was waiting in reception for us. Den's outburst at Maria Laach had kept me quiet for the short drive around the lake and down to Andernach, Bill was really the last person I wanted to see right now!

"I see you have everything under control Chr.. Nena"

"I guess"

"Good day? It was the train trip wasn't it?"

"Yeah"

"Hi Bill!" Den greeted our employer as he arrived after parking the coach up.

"Okay Den, how's our girl doing then?"

This was embarrassing.

"I've er got to go, you know"

"Oh sure, your case is in your room. See you at dinner" Bill dismissed me

"Er yeah, see you later, Den"

"Seven o'clock Nena"

I beat my retreat and headed for the annex and a shower. I don't need this! I never realised before but Bill was showing all the signs of being a male chauvinist pig! And I'm stuck with him on my tour! I chuntered to myself as I walked along the street so I didn't notice that I was being watched by the youths gathered over in the little park.

I was still muttering when I got out of the shower. Ah well, I'm stuck here as Nena now, no point in bitching about it. I opened my case and surveyed the contents. Jeez! Skirts, bras, tights. I decided I'd better unpack so I skittered about wrapped in a towel hanging and folding 'my' wardrobe for the week.

I settled on a skirt with a flowery ruffled hem and a sort of gypsy top. I stood in front of the mirror and surveyed my image, looking back was a sullen looking young woman, not a bloke in drag, definitely female. Sure her chest was not sporting huge breasts but they looked real enough.

I sighed. It seemed like fun last time and I know that it was my fault I was stood here now but at this moment, happy I was not! I sat down and pulled a pair of tights on and found a suitable pair of shoes and slipped them on. I glanced at the clock, five thirty, and decided to go for a walk before dinner. I returned to the mirror and brushed my hair out, damn I look even more girly now! I added some lippy and there was no doubt now, looking back from the mirror was Nena Ziegler.

I gazed at the sassy outfit!

Grabbing 'my' handbag and jacket, I left for my walk. The early evening was still bright and warm but I slipped the jacket on to save carrying it and headed towards the pedestrianised center of the town. I smiled to myself, who would have thought a fortnight ago that I'd be here now, walking around Germany like this! I found myself drawn to the shoe shops and boutiques; damn that outfit in Orsay looks well sassy! I lined my reflection up with the mannequin and imagined myself wearing the outfit. What am I thinking? I moved on and found myself walking towards the mighty Rhein, flowing past the manicured gardens of Andernach's waterfront. The riverside breeze brushed my skirt against my nylon-clad legs as I walked along towards the old crane. Several skaters and bike riders passed me and we exchanged greetings. I lent against the railings contemplating life but the church bells roused me. Damn! I should be back at the hotel now!

As myself I would have legged it and been there in about five minutes, dressed as I am that is not an option! I headed back towards the town, impatiently waiting at the crossing for the traffic to stop before heading through the arch into the walled town. I hurried as best I could in the court shoes and skirt, oblivious to everything around me. Back across the pedestrian zone, nearly there!

So intent on getting to my destination was I that I didn't hear the moped coming up behind me. The first I knew was when I was struck a glancing blow and my bag was dragged from my shoulder.

"Hey!" I screamed as I was dragged along hanging on to my bag.

The youth was a bit unbalanced by this and I doggedly hung on as he finally lost control, released my bag strap and desperately tried to control the bike. I watched in shock as he swerved out into the road to be broad sided by a poor woman in a Passat.

The voice spoke in German.

"Are you okay jung Frau?"

"Er yes, I think so, he...my bag"

"It's okay," the guy told me draping a comforting arm around me.

"Nena!" apparently alerted by the sound of the crash, Den came running up the street from the annex. My Good Samaritan relinquished me to Den and crossed to the crash scene.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

"He, he tried to grab my bag" I pointed at the mangled moped, still shaking badly. A siren dopplered in the distance and it suddenly came to me that this could be serious, the Polizei would want statements and ID and here I am dressed as a girl using someone else's passport!

"I am in deep shit Den"

"Why should you be?"

"Dur!"

"Oh right. Look don't worry, we'll get it sorted out"

"I hope so"
 
 
By now both a police car and ambulance had arrived and considering it was Sunday evening, quite a crowd of gawkers had assembled which the cops were trying to clear. I spotted the Samaritan talking to a policewoman, gesticulating and pointing first at the injured youth then towards me. She jotted something in her notebook then headed towards Den and I.

"You are okay Fraulein?" the familiar question in German

"Yes thank you"

"I need to ask some questions please"

"Okay"

She asked her questions, what happened? what did you see? Well you know the sort of thing.

"Thank you Frau Ziegler, if you can come to the station later, I will take your statement"

"Er okay. Is he hurt badly?"

"Broken leg I think, at least it will keep him out of trouble for a while, drugs you know"

"Thanks"

"See you later"
 
 
Den had been waiting patiently all this time.

"Everything okay?"

"I've got to go and make an official statement but it seems okay so far"

"They'll want ID when you give your statement"

"I know, what am I going to do?"

"For now eat, we'll think of something"

We walked back to the Vulkan-Eifel, where no one was aware of the drama just up the street.

"Ah there you are, everything okay?" Margrit asked as we entered the dining room.

"An accident up the street" Den answered

"A motorbike and car" I offered

"Motorbikes! Is everyone okay?"

"A broken leg"

"Go eat"

"I'm famished!" Den mentioned

Somehow I'd lost my appetite. At least we wouldn't have Bill with us at table; he was deep in conversation with some of the other passengers.

"Sit, I'll get you some food"

"Thanks Den"

"The way you're still shaking you'd spill it before you got back to the table!"

I hadn't noticed till then, but yes I was still shaking a bit. I smiled and waved at a couple of passengers who caught my eye and gratefully slipped into a seat facing out of the room. I was still worried about the statement business and my food when Den delivered it went almost untouched

"I'd best tell Bill," I mentioned as Den polished off my cheesecake.

"Later, I've got an idea"
 
 
An hour later I emerged from the Police station.

"It worked didn't it?" Den stated

"Yes but I hate lying, especially to the police"

"It was only a little lie"

"Yeah well. As I'm not pressing charges that should be the end of it"

"He's got his punishment girl, he'll be out of commission for a while"

"I guess so"

"Come on, let's go get a drink"

We set off back towards the main square in the gathering gloom.

"You never said what you told Bill."

"No I didn't did I" and he didn't again!

Owl, my head hurts! Last night was a blur, I'm sure Den was intentionally getting me sloshed and I let him! I dressed in jeans and T, today is Bonn and Ká¶nigswinter and I've got half an hour to get my breakfast! "Good morning everyone" I put on my best cheerful face to greet the bus and got the expected mumbles in reply. I looked for Bill; he was sitting towards the back and was again deep in conversation with the couple across the aisle. Once Den had us on our way, only a couple of minutes late, I started my bus walk. We set off up the riverside road north through Bad Breisig, Remagen, the sun glinting off the apparently smooth river waters. The road plunged us into the never-ending roadworks north of Bad Godesberg and a little after ten fifteen we pulled up outside the railway station. "Twelve thirty back here please" I advised my charges before they disembarked. "You going in" Den asked when all of our punters were safely heading for Bonn's shopping streets. "No she, he's not" Bill's voice stated, "Someone is going to tell me what last night was all about." Bugger!

Den navigated us around the city center and we finally parked near the Rheinhalle by the river.

"Coffee?" I offered

"Please Chris" Bill allowed

"Den?"

"Tea please"

A few minutes later the inquisition started!
 
 
"Oh boy!" Bill sighed

"So you see why we didn't say anything?" Den pointed out

"How did you know something was up Bill?"

"Come on, it wasn't rocket science! My top driver and host arrive an hour late for dinner and then they hide in a corner. If that wasn't enough, they then disappear straight after eating not to be seen again till this morning. If you'd been a woman I would have assumed an assignation"

"That's hardly fair!" I interjected

"Let me finish, as you aren't female, either my driver is gay or there's another explanation, I assumed the latter"

Chauvinist!

"Thanks for the vote of confidence" Den intoned

"Look, if it affects the tour I need to know. If you two want to get it on that's up to you but I will not have Global involved in anything that will affect business."

"It was an assault on one of your staff!" Den was angry now.

"Calm down Dennis. I'm sorry if I sound like I don't care but you should have told me last night."

"Okay, maybe we should have. It's done now, can we drop it?"

"I suppose so, but Chris"

"NENA!" Den and I chorused. That broke the mood

"Whatever" Bill shook his head.

The alarm went off, time to go collect the punters.
 
 
The drive over the river and down to Ká¶nigswinter took half an hour and we parked up by the railway. There was no way I was staying with the bus here, dinner was calling! I gave the passengers a run down and directions then Bill, Den and I headed for the Drachenfels funicular. It was not a surprise to find most of our passengers waiting for it too.

Once at the top we headed for the restaurant and as it was a pleasant day, sat on the balcony that gives some of the best views over this bit of the Rhein and the Hohe Eifel. There was a heat haze across the distant hills but the volcanic cones that make the Eifel what it is poked up clearly from the forests.

Down on the river ships and barges either sped downstream or struggled up towards Koblenz. As I sat there day dreaming, all thoughts of last night, Nena and work drifted away. The sounds of holidaymakers, the wind tugging at my hair, I relaxed fully for the first time since last Wednesday!

"Nena? You coming?"

"Oh right, er yeah. Where's Bill?"

"Gone back down about ten minutes ago"

"Sorry I wasn't paying attention"

You can see the distant volcanic cones on the horizon from up here.
"Come on, let's go up to the castle"

I gathered my stuff and joined him in the short walk up to the Drachenfels ruins. The same view but more so! The farthest peaks must be over thirty miles away.

"Penny for 'em"

"Oh I was just thinking about life in general"

"That's pretty heavy"

"Not really, last night, before you know, well I found myself imagining wearing this outfit in one of the shops."

"Not a shirt and trousers I take it"

"No where near! That's the thing, it's like when I'm dressed like this, as Nena, well I sort of become Nena. You said it yourself yesterday, I act like a girl, I look like a girl, I sort of become a girl. Is that weird?"

"Probably"

"It's not like I even thought of putting women's clothes on before Austria. I always thought I was quite, I don't know, not butch, manly"

"I think I know what you mean, you were never a he man though"

"I know that but I don't think I looked girly either, did I?"

"Let's go down," he mentioned leading the way.

"Did I?"

"Well maybe not girly, call it soft featured"

"Thanks! I needed that, not!"

"Oh come on Ch..Nena. I never thought you were a poof or anything, I still don't despite appearances. It's hard for me too you know. What Bill said earlier, if you were a woman I would have made a play on you by now"

"Den!"

"Well, I'm only human and even in that outfit you look hot. That leather dress, well it was a struggle!"

"I don't think I want to hear any more"
 
 
We walked back to the tramway in silence, with a short detour to the ladies for me. Ladies. I realised then that I wasn't that bothered now about using the female facilities. What does that mean?

I left Den back at the bus and took a walk down to the river. I watched the car ferry as it made it's way across the busy river, an idea germinated and I walked back up to the coach arriving with enough time for a brew before our cargo returned. I made my suggestion to Den.

"Now that's why you are our best Host"

"Don't you mean Hostess" I joked

The passengers returned and embarrassingly for him, Bill was the last back. Den worked his way down to the riverfront while I checked on our passenger's welfare. We sedately worked our way south through Bad Honnef, Unkel, and Linz am Rhein all the way down to Bad Há¶nningen where we left the main road and threaded our way through to the river for the surprise. The road literally runs into the river and there mid stream was the ferry heading away at the moment.

"You sure about this?" Den asked

"I've seen coaches on here before"

"Okay"
 
 
By now most of the punters were aware that we were stopped and an air of excitement pervaded the coach. Well you don't often cross a river by ferry and not on a coach tour, that's what bridges are for!

Den's reservations were unfounded and the conductor waved us on board without hesitation. We had to wait a few minutes while a huge double container barge made it's way upstream. Then we headed out onto the waters of the Rhein. When you are just a few feet above the water you get a whole new perspective on things. The crossing took barely five minutes, but the coach was buzzing. Up the ramp and onto the west bank and another ten minutes drive returned us to the 'Eifel. Another successful excursion!

---

 
Maddy Bell 11.04.04  © 2004
Photos  © Maddy Bell 2001,2002
 
 
End of Part 4
 
 
To Be Continued...

Pictures of Nena have been generated using Ania's 'Cherie' Fkiss doll on Angy-Chan's template and are Copyright 2004. They are used with permission, if you'd like to see more go to www.acharsi.prv.pl

---

 

Nena: Book 2 - Das Ist Normal

 
 

---

 
Part 5
 
"Stroke of genius!" Bill suggested to Den as we relaxed in the bar when we got back.

"Nena's idea"

"Well young ma, er youngster, you never cease to amaze me"

"It was only a ferry"

"Only a ferry she says. That ferry ride managed to lift a slightly lack-lustre day into a memorable one. That's what we want, memorable days, the punters will come back for more good memories, they don't come back if they don't enjoy it. So that 'only a ferry' was priceless"

"If you say so," I allowed. "Anyway, I'd better go change"

"Me too," Den agreed, "see you later Bill"

I decided to dress up a bit!

I felt better this evening so I made a bit of effort in getting dressed. Jules had managed to sneak a fair bit of 'extra' stuff into my case including this little number. Hey if everyone sees me as a girl, I might as well dress like one! Six more days and I'm done with dresses and I get my own personal slave girl to boot! The phone rang. "Jules, just thinking about you" "Oh yeah?" "I'm looking forward to the next month that's all" "I think I want proof that you're dressed!" "Sheesh! Well I suppose that's fair; I'll get Den to take some pictures. So are you okay?" "Look I'll have to go, Den's knocking on the door, love you" "Love you too Nena"

That was some call. Of course she wanted to hear about everything that's happened, life as Nena is certainly never dull! After yesterdays upsets, tonight I was back on form and even felt almost comfortable. As long as I don't have another 'mare I'll be alright.

"Thirty nine, that's everyone" I told Den

"That's good, we get five minutes start" he closed the door and day three started.
 
 
By the time I'd done the morning run up the bus we were on the motorway heading south-ish towards Trier. With a good two-hour drive ahead of us, today is our long excursion. I watched the forecast this morning, it's overcast at the moment but it's gonna be hot later! We had been on the go for forty-five minutes before I thought a tea run was appropriate and the passengers must have thought so too as just about everyone wanted a drink of some sort.

"About half an hour Nena" Den mentioned when I finally got back to my seat.

"We seem to be having a good run"

"Don't speak too soon" Den noted, "we doing the tour today?"

"I reckon so, they can go in the Amphitheater and they can have an hour or so in the center"

"At least we can control things a bit better, we need to leave by two if we're going to do the other stops."

"Margrit is happy to delay dinner if we need her to, I asked last night"

"When does she need to know?"

"About four"

"That's okay, we shouldn't need it though"

"I'd best tell 'em, can we do a drop for any that don't want the tour?"

"I guess so, we can start from the Porta Nigra"

We were now over the Mosel and making our approach to the ancient city. I took the mike and started my preamble.

"Welcome to Trier! To make the most of your visit, we will take you on a quick tour around some of the main points of interest and then you will have about one hour to explore on your own. Do you all want to take the tour; there is no extra charge? If you can raise your hands please"

I did a quick count; everyone was up for our proposed programme.

"No drop offs, we can head straight to the arena" I told Den off mike before continuing my spiel.

As usual, the traffic was nightmarish along the waterfront, which did at least allow the punters to see the river cranes and the Rá¶merbrá¼cke before we turned into the Sá¼dallee.

"Here on the right, we can see one of the cities Rá¶mer, er Roman how do you say, yes Roman baths, this one is the Barbarathermen". The traffic meant that we crept past. At the end of the avenue the traffic cleared some and we were soon parking at the Amphitheater.

"Behind the wall here is Trier's famous Amphitheatre. We will stop for thirty minutes. If you wait a moment I will get you tickets, I will sort out with you after."

I got off the bus into the furnace outside. Sometimes I am glad to be Nena and now was one of them!

There is just no way I could remain looking halfway decent and be comfortable as Chris in this heat. As Nena I can get away with a pretty skimpy outfit and still look smart - and I might as well show off the tan I acquired in Austria! I joined the others in the little shade that the entrance offered. Once inside I acquired myself an ice cream before going for a wander, I've been here a few times and it just fascinates me.

I climbed up into the 'stands' and sat in the shade of the trees to eat my ice cream. The sun was reflecting off the floor of the arena and even dressed as I am, I was feeling the heat. I made my way down into the tunnels that honeycomb the stands before emerging out in the baking arena. I headed for the stairs, which lead down below the floor of the arena into what was originally a holding area for the 'entertainment'!

Not exactly the ritz eh!
Aware that time was short; I headed back to the entrance, taking the opportunity to use the facilities! I waited until all my passengers were at least in the right area before heading back out to where Den was waiting in air-conditioned comfort. We got everyone back on board and resumed our drive by tour.

Down past the impressive remains of the Kaiserthermen baths, then along to the Roman Basilica and the Rote Turm before making our way around to the Porta Nigra. All the way I gave a commentary and by the lack of chatter, I guess it was appreciated. Den made his way to the drop off point behind the museum where we released our ravening charges on an unsuspecting city of Trier. I stayed on board with Den and we retraced our route back to the coach park by the Kaiserthermen.

"You okay today?" Den asked as he locked the coach.

"I guess so, it helps that I know this place pretty well"

"I didn't mean that really"

"Oh this?" I indicated what I was wearing, "yeah, I suppose I'm more relaxed today. You know, we've got about three couples that have done tours with me before, none of them have as much as given me a second glance"

"Like I've said before, they see what they think they see, you told them that you're Nena, Nena is what they see!"

We walked through the Palastgarten and down the steps to the Basilica.

"Where are we eating?" I asked

"Dunno, what do you fancy?"

"No idea"

We crossed over the road and headed towards the market place.

"I'm gonna have to sort these out" I mentioned, the stuffing was getting a bit uncomfortable in this heat.

"Let's eat in the Karstadt, you can sort that out in there" Den grinned, "I don't know how you look that good anyway"

"Socks"

He rolled his eyes and shook his head as we headed towards the Porta Nigra. Socks! Sheesh! It's a wonder I haven't been tumbled, maybe I should take precautions? But what? Something went ding in my head and a plan popped up. We turned into the department store and checked the multilingual store directory.

"You wouldn't get that in Rotherham" Den observed

"I guess not. Er Den, do you want to go up to the Dinea and I'll meet you there in a few minutes?"

"Sure, you want me to get you anything?"

"Coffee and a bit of cake please"

This outfit was at least comfortable!

"There you are, you sorted now?" "Uh huh! What do you think?" "About what?" Men! "My tits" I whispered across the table "They look a bit different, what have you been up to?" "Falsies, I feel a lot better, more relaxed" "You looked okay before" "Well I feel better now" I beamed "Women!" "I'll take that as a compliment"

An hour later I was counting the passengers back onto the bus and by the looks that a couple gave me, my new enhancements were noticed even though I was ostensibly the same size. I chuckled to myself as I recalled the episode in the lingerie department.
 
 
"Can I help?"

"Er yes, I'm a bit, um flat" I motioned to my chest, "all padding, do you have any er, enhancers?"

She smiled sympathetically.

"Of course. I will fetch something. The same size?"

"Er yes please"

She quickly ran a tape around me then disappeared for a couple of minutes, returning with a plain box.

"These should help" she then escorted me to a changing cubicle and went on to explain how to use them to best effect. One satisfied but €100 lighter in the purse!
 
 
"Bernkastel and Cochem?"

"I reckon so," I agreed. At least on the optionals we have a fair degree of discretion! Den got us back on the northbound road and we started the afternoon session. I checked on my customers as we negotiated the Trier traffic, seems everyone had a good time, the Porta Nigra was a definite hit although the Amphitheatre ran a close second!
 
 
We joined the Autobahn for a few kilometers before taking the 50 down to the Mosel. Staying on the north bank we drove round to Kues and over the river to Bernkastel for our first short stop. I know it doesn't sound much but twenty minutes was all we could allow for our punters to have a look around the picturesque center with its half timbered houses and the Michaelsbrunnen fountain.

Once everyone was back on board we set off to follow the river north. The passengers were fascinated by the vineyards up on the slopes to our right. We stayed on the east bank as far as Zeltingen then crossed to follow the outside of the wide sweeping bend in the river. Past ruins, vineyards, pleasure craft, trekkers and numerous small villages, the road follows the Mosel closely and at the twin town of Traben - Trarbach we again swapped river banks.

I started a drinks round as we headed north again, rail line on the opposite bank providing some entertainment as we headed around to the Marienburg loop. I took a break from the tea run to point the castle out on its knife-edge perch overlooking the river on two opposing sides. After Zell I had to repeat the job as we passed under its gaze once again.

Back over the river at Bullay we rejoined the MoselweinstraáŸe for the run up to our next stop at Cochem. Along past the Kloster Stuben ruin and seemingly never ending vineyards, looping first south, then north, east, north before a long westward run to the tourist haven of Cochem. Den got us into the bus station to drop off.

"How long Den?"

"Leave at five, five fifteen, maybe an hour or so back to Andernach?"

"It's four thirty now, I should have rung Margrit by now"

"We'll be back about half six, they can go straight in"

"Okay, make it quarter past"

I quickly advised the passengers that we'd pick them up in forty-five minutes and we jostled with local buses to get back onto the main road. A bunch of longwinded road works and temporary traffic signals later we finally pulled into the riverfront coach park opposite the Bahnhof.

"Tea?" I offered

"Please"

"Coffee for me Nena" oh I forgot to say that Bill had stayed on board this time.

I returned to the front of our bus in short order and sat myself in the open doorway after passing outside my boss and driver's drinks.

"Nice drive" Bill mentioned

"You not been before?" I asked

"Not up the river, last time I was here we dropped off the motorway"

"You need more time really, it's a bit of a rush really" Den pointed out

"Well you pair have made it seem pretty relaxed"

"We try" I put in

"I'm going home tomorrow, from what I've seen of you two, you've got everything pretty well sussed. Chris, you manage to get the balance just right on the commentary and it's uncanny how Den gives the passengers a chance to see what you're talking about. I reckon I could make a fortune if I could bottle you pair."

Praise from the boss! Even if he did call me Chris it's always good to get. What am I saying? I am Chris; it's Nena that's not!

We collected our charges and set off to cover the final kilometers of the rivers route. The road from Cochem up to Koblenz is faster and the addition of the railway line alongside provided further entertainment as we kept pace with the local stopping train. We stayed on the northern bank passing the weinkellers and now shrinking quantities of vines. A last north run with the sun lighting the opposite bank before swinging around to pass under the impressive Moseltalbrucke that carries the A61 Autobahn over the Mosel. A few minutes more driving and we entered the northern suburbs of Koblenz where we picked up the road back up to Andernach, arriving at twenty to seven, enough time for a beer before dinner!

---

 
Maddy Bell 13.04.04  © 2004
Photos  © Maddy Bell 2001,2002
 
 
End of Part 5
 
 
To Be Continued...

Pictures of Nena have been generated using Ania's 'Cherie' Fkiss doll on Angy-Chan's template and are Copyright 2004. They are used with permission, if you'd like to see more go to www.acharsi.prv.pl

---

 

Nena: Book 2 - Das Ist Normal

 
 

---

 
Part 6
 
"So what's on the agenda tomorrow?" asked as we walked back to the 'Alte Post' after a few bevvies with Bill in the hotel bar.

"Dunno." I told Den, "I usually go and see Mika (authors note: say it like meek-ah) if I'm in the area but I can hardly go like this can I?"

"Who's Mika?"

"Oh you've not met have you? She's a friend from college, she's German but she did the tourism course in England to improve her English"

"So why can't you see her then?"

"Think about it"

"Where's she live, this Mika?"

"A little place called Ringen up near Ahrweiler, she works for the tourist board in Bad Neunahr"

Den opened the door with his key and we started up the stairs.

"Well I think you should give her a call at least. Anyway I'll see you in the morning, g'night"

"Night Den"

Urgh! What a day! I kicked my shoes off and lay down on the bed. I suppose Den's right; I should at least phone Mika even if I can't see her.

"Chris! I was just thinking that I hadn't heard from you in a long time!" Mika exclaimed down the phone a few minutes later.

"Yeah sorry"

"So where are you?"

It was out before my brain caught up, "Andernach, the Vulkan Eifel"

"Great! You must come up and see Mama, moment Chris" it went quiet at the other end then I heard 'Chris aus England!' I couldn't hear anything else but she was obviously talking to someone else, 'ja...ja...okay', "sorry Chris that was Mama, do you want to come to dinner maybe tomorrow?"

I'd forgotten about Mama Polch.

"I er"

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Er nothing" my big gob!

"Well I finish at three, meet me at work and we can get a drink before we eat. Hang on a second" another muffled conversation with Mama, "Mama says you should bring how do you say Fahrer?"

"Driver?" I offered

"Yes bring your driver along too. That is settled then. Are you and Julia still going out?"

And my opportunity to duck out was gone! She rattled on about this and that for nearly fifteen minutes.

"So I will see you and your friend..."

"Dennis, Den"

"Yes you and Dennis at three"

"Three" I sighed

"Tschá¼ss!"

"Tschá¼ss Mika"

How the hell did I let that happen? Bum, bum, bum! Den, oh bugger, I'd best tell him he's got an invite. I slipped my trainers on and went to find Den.

I rapped on his door.

"Who is it?"

"Nena" well you never know who's listening!

"Hang on a mo" there was a short delay before he opened the door. "Chris, I was just watching some telly"

I followed him inside, closing the door behind me.

"What's up?" he said sitting back on the bed where he could see the telly and me.

"I rang Mika" I told him, plonking myself in a chair

"You didn't come round to tell me that" he stated

"She's invited us over to eat at her mothers"

"And you said no?"

"Erm"

"You agreed didn't you?"

"Well I couldn't get a word in"

"You said invited us?"

"You're instructed to come too"

"Well I wasn't doing anything anyway"

"Den!" I complained

"Oh you didn't tell her about Nena did you?"

"I told you, she could rabbit for England"

"Germany"

"You know what I mean"

"So what are you, us, going to do?"

"Ring and cancel?"

"Don't you dare!"

I sank back into the chair

"Why not?"

"For one you need a break and secondly I want to meet Mika. If she's that good a friend she'll take you however you are"

"I suppose so"

"And you can explain why tomorrow. Ooh!" he winced at something on the telly.

"What are you watching?" I asked craning my neck round

"Some German cop thing, that must hurt!"

The apparent heroes, helicopter cops were brawling with some villains on the roof of the Reichstag in Berlin.

We both chorused "oooh!" as a baddie landed a kick to the pilot's groin. I relocated so I could see better and the pair of us sat glued to the action with me doing a translation from time to time but lets face it most cop dramas can be followed without the sound! Den produced a couple of bottles of beer and we ended up watching some late night comedy cum satire show. I have to admit that some of the jokes were over my head although the audience seemed to enjoy it. I eventually headed back to my room about 12.15.

"Have a good trip Bill" Den offered after breakfast next morning.

"Cheers, I'll see you both on Monday"

Our boss drove off, he'd be home by teatime.

"So what are we doing before we meet your friend at what, three?"

"Yeah three." I agreed, "bit of sightseeing? We could catch the train up to Altenahr"

"Sounds like a plan. You going like that?"

"I guess I ought to put something different on. I'll go and change, meet you downstairs in what?" I checked my watch, "forty minutes, half nine?"

"Half nine then" he agreed

Comfortable and not too revealing, I like it - sort of!!

Once back in my room it was dilemma time! Chris would just go in jeans and maybe a shirt but Nena! I opened the wardrobe and sat looking at my 'meager' choice. I finally decided on one of Jules summer dresses, a sort of greeny blue with flowers all over it. My new breast forms did their work and I ended up with a small cleavage on show! I grabbed my denim jacket, my only Chris wear I've got with me, shrugged it on and checked in the mirror. Well I'd do. "I was just about to come looking for you" "Sorry Den" "Come on then Miss Ziegler, let's go catch a train."     We walked through the town, under the bridge and along to the Bahnhof. I managed to coax some tickets out of the machine and we arrived on the platform just as the northbound Bremen train rolled in. we climbed up into a rather tatty looking carriage and had barely got seated when a whistle sounded, the doors slammed and we slowly moved off.

"We have to change?" Den asked

"At Remagen, it's usually the same platform and the Ahr train waits until this gets in"

"A real connection eh?"

"Not much good if it goes without the passengers"

This particular journey stops everywhere so the twenty K journey lasted nearly twenty minutes.

"Here we go," I mentioned standing to get off

"They've even got MacDonald's here" Den mentioned as we passed the new drive through.

"No ones safe"

The train clanked to a halt and sure enough the Ahrtal train was stood waiting a shiny new thing.

"That's more like it" Den opined as we joined various prams, bikes and other pedestrians getting onto the luxurious new train. The Bremen 'express' clanked away and we settled ourselves in the relative cool of second class. 10.12 on the dot the doors hissed shut and our transport revved up and started the almost hour long ride up the valley.

I took my jacket off; the sun was hot through the window despite the tinted glass. Under the motorway bridge and on past our rendezvous this afternoon at Bad Neuenahr, around Ahrweiler and into the vineyards of Dernau and Mayscho០before climbing through the gorge and tunnel into Altenahr.

"This is us" I told Den as we pulled to a stop.

Once on the platform of the unimpressive station I turned to Den

"Welcome to the playground of the Ahr!"

"Does this playground have a café, its eleven o'clock and I need coffee" Den retorted.

What can I tell you? We got a coffee along by the cable car run before riding it up the hillside. Den decided he needed a Currywurst from the snack bar by the bridge before we headed through the 'town' to tackle the climb up to the Ahrburg ruins high above the town. Let me tell you, strappy sandals are not great for climbing mountains! We finally reached the top and I gratefully collapsed onto a bench with a view over the gorge while Den went to explore. Jeez, how girly can I get!

You can just see me standing by the bench!

I'd been sat for a while when Den came over.

"You okay kid?"

"Er, oh yeah. Just not looking forward to going back down wearing these, I'll never mock women complaining about wearing heels again!"

"Well I'm done, shall we start down?"

I'm not sure who was the more embarrassed by the time we got back down to the town, Den or me! I ended up doing the damsel in distress bit, hanging like grim death to Den's arm to avoid going, how can I put it? Arse over tit! We made our way back to the station and more by luck than design arrived just as the down train pulled in.

"We going straight to meet your friend?"

"It's only one fifteen, lets have a look round the old town first"

"Old town?"

"Ahrweiler"

"Right okay. So you decided how to handle this?"

"Not really"

"Well you'd better come up with something soon"

"I know, I don't suppose I could wimp out?"

"No I don't suppose you could. Is this us?"

"Ahrweiler Mitte, yep it'll do"

To be honest there's not a great deal to Ahrweiler. A couple of shopping streets, the town wall and not a great deal else! It's fairly pretty though and Den put his camera to use.

"Can you do me a favour Den?"

"What?"

"Well I, erm"

"Spit it out"

"Well Jules wants a picture or two of me as proof that I'm keeping to my end of the deal"

"Is that all? Stand over by the railings then"

You can just see me standing by the bench!

Well no one said I take a good picture and he caught me before I was ready!

"What we doing now then?"

"Well if we walk along the river we go almost straight to the Tourist office"

"Walk along the river it is then."

We negotiated our way to the south gate, pausing only to buy ice creams on the way. The riverside path was quite busy with bikes; skaters and people just out for a stroll. The trees offered welcome shade from the afternoon sun and I felt quite relaxed as we strolled along. It was further than I recalled but Den didn't complain as he took pictures of the ducks and several seemingly uninterested herons fishing the burbling waters of the Ahr.

Along the way I formulated a plan and Den, despite some reservations, agreed to go with it. Finally we arrived outside the tourist office.

"I'll wait over here" I indicated a bench half hidden in the greenery.

"What's the name again?"

"Polch, Mika Polch"

"Okay then, see you in a minute or two."

I plonked down onto the bench and watched the bathers over in the spa, oblivious as they were to me outside. Then I heard Den's voice.

"...Said he'd meet us here"

Then the pair of them appeared.

"Best wait on the seat I suppose" Den suggested

Mika glanced over and I watched as her face went from disinterest to puzzlement to recognition!

"Chris?"

"Er hi Mika" I never could fool that girl!

She looked me over with an appraising eye.

"What is this Chris? A joke?"

"I think you two need to talk" Den broke the spell.

"Yes I think me and this girl need to chat" Mika agreed

"Shall I lose myself?"

"Oh sorry Dennis I am so rude." She fumbled in her bag a moment then went on, "you should have a look at the spa and the Kursaal, take this pass, it will give you entry." She gave Den the card

"How long?"

"An hour back here Den?" I reckoned it would be over by then and we could easily head back to Andernach for dinner.

"Okay then, see you girls in an hour"

"I think I need coffee," Mika mentioned

"Sounds good," I agreed following a very confused Mika along the road to one of the new coffee bars that have recently sprung up.

 
 
Half an hour later and a still unbelieving Mika was still shaking her head.

"So you agreed to this, this masquerade for the bet?"

"I guess so"

"Well I have to say you look good"

"You're the first you know"

"First?"

"Yep, the first to recognize me since I started all this Nena guff, what gave me away?"

"Actually nothing did. Your friend seemed pretty insistent that we sit on that bench and I thought there was something fishy going on. So I took a guess. And then when you spoke I recognized that little crinkle you get here" she pointed to the corner of her eye, then I knew."

"Well I guess I should go find Den so we can get back for dinner"

"Get back? For why?"

"Well I guess the dinner invite is off"

"Of course not! I'll ring mother and explain so she is not surprised, she has been cooking all day!"

No discreet retreat then. We walked back to Mika's office, she went inside to make the call and I waited for Den.

"So we sorted now? I suppose we could eat in the town rather than the hotel"

"What and disappoint old Mother Polch? No, we're still eating with Mika and her Mum"

"Goodnight!"

"See you Friday Nena"

"Night Mika" Den put in.

We waved until Mika's old Golf was out of sight then Den got the door and we went up to our respective rooms.

Boy! What an evening. My attire didn't faze Frau Polch in the least; it was so 'liberating' not having to pretend to be Nena. I was Chris, no worrying about what I said or pretending to be German. No tonight I was me, me in a dress, but me nevertheless!

Den had a good time too, Fr. Polch is a fair ole cook and she'd done us proud with a traditional meal of onion soup followed by pork with creamed potatoes, home made sauerkraut and red cabbage. Afterwards she had a pair of willing tasters for her homemade schnapps, I never knew there were so many different types. By the time we left Den and Maria were like best buddies - the drink crossing the language barrier.
 
 
On the drive back to the hotel, Mika insisted that I join her and her colleagues for their usual Thursday night out. Softened by the alcohol and Dens urging I agreed as long as I could be Nena. I told you I was half cut!

Brring! Brring!........ Brring! Brring!

I stumbled across the room to find the phone.

I'm afraid I was more than a little the worse for drink!

"Hello?" "Is that you Chris?" "Jules! You missed a great parteee!" I sang collapsing onto the bed. "You're drunk!" "Am not. Well maybe a bit. We had a party, me an Mika an Maria an Den" "Who's Maria?" "Mika's Mum of course." I stopped and stared at my now nylon clad legs. When did I put them on? "Chris?" "I'm wearing tights," I told Julia

"God! I'm not gonna get any sense out of you tonight, I'll ring tomorrow"

"Can't"

"Why not?"

"Out with Mika, no that's not tomorrow. It's Friday, oh I remember"

"Remember what?"

"I put my tights on coz it was getting cold"

"Chris Hornby! Ring me when you're sober!"

"Okay, bye bye"

"Night Chris" she sounded a bit p'ed at me.

---

 
Maddy Bell 15.04.04  © 2004
Photos  © Maddy Bell 2001,2002
 
 
End of Part 6
 
 
To Be Continued...

Pictures of Nena have been generated using Ania's 'Cherie' Fkiss doll on Angy-Chan's template and are Copyright 2004. They are used with permission, if you'd like to see more go to www.acharsi.prv.pl

---

 

Nena: Book 2 - Das Ist Normal

 
 

---

 
Part 7
 

"Urgh!" I managed through my pillow next morning as I grappled with the alarm clock doing it's best to shake my brain loose. A shower woke me up and a couple of aspirin eased my throbbing head, damn that schnapps! I decided on my favourite dress, how can I have a favourite? Okay whatever, I pulled my Italian leather dress on, did up the side zip and admired my reflection.

Hmm, not bad if I do say so myself! Maybe I should wear tights? I fished around in my lingerie draw and found a fresh pair, which I soon had in place, yep that looks a bit more professional. I am never drinking again!

Today I have to earn my keep a bit more, it's a driving tour with several stops and they'll want a bit of spiel at each stop! At least I'd managed to pick Mika's brain before I got too sizzled last night, so we now had an extra stop this morning. At least Den looked sober enough, it wouldn't do to have a pie-eyed driver!

"What does that woman put in that stuff?" Den greeted me.

"Dunno but I still feel rough!"

"Best get some coffee then" he led the way into breakfast where we were greeted by a room full of happy, sober holidaymakers.

What can you do? You get paid to be the life and soul and it's our own fault that we're not firing on all cylinders yet. We managed to get through breakfast okay, the coffee certainly had a sobering effect so that by the time we were ready to load up, we were both in much better fettle!

After their day off yesterday today's optional was well supported, in fact a couple of 'extras' had signed up this morning! It looked like it was going to be another fine day and I looked down the bus at a sea of sunglasses as I did my count.

"All here" I told Den who closed the door ready to depart.

Once we were underway and once more heading north alongside the river I started my usual daily meet and greet of everyone on the bus. Before reaching Remagen we turned into the Ahr valley and sort of retraced our excursion on the train. As we started onto the Ahrweiler transit road I returned to the front and mike in hand, perched on the dash so I was facing the passengers.

"Hello everyone"

"Morning" was the consensus of reply

"I know you enjoyed yourselves yesterday but you have to put up with me and Dennis again today"

That got a bit more response.

"Okay, in a few minutes we have our first stop at Mayscho០the oldest of the Ahr grape growers, how do you say, yes co-operatives. We will have about a forty minute halt, we have a short tour und wine taste, after you can buy your wine in the shop."

The wine tasting venue!

Timed to perfection! Just as promised by Mika there was the winery and by luck the Dutch coach already there was just leaving. I'm not a great fan of this sort of thing but it always goes well with the punters. Den stayed with the bus while I took our customers inside out of the bright sunshine into the cooler, damper atmosphere inside. Well I have to say it was better than some I've done. Our guide explained in good English how the system worked and then took us through some of the working cellar space before finishing in the little museum. Another party was already following us through so we were ushered through to the tasting room where we got to sample both the famous red and lesser-known white vintages in our free souvenir glasses. A great ploy, at least half of my lot bought at least one bottle of their in my opinion, overpriced produce!

I got everyone back on board, did a swift confirmatory head count and we were off again just after eleven. The road up into Altenahr is quite steep and twisty then through the tunnel and we popped out into the town. It looked quite different from the coach, much smaller and we were soon through and approaching Kreuzberg.

Den managed to get us onto the right road, not much more than a lane really. After about six k's we turned up hill and to the passengers delight and Den's cursing made our way around the series of switchbacks taking us up to Effelsberg.

I took the mike, "over to our right in a moment, you will just catch a glimpse of Europe's largest radio telescope" I wasn't kidding, it was a glimpse!

It didn't take a great deal of time to cover the ten kilometers down to Bad Má¼nstereifel, our next stop and lunch break. Following Mika's advice, we took the bypass then turned back into the southern end of the town. We pulled up at the dropping off point a little before twelve.

"We have two hours here people, please be prompt getting back as we can only stop here for ten minutes? The town is through the arch; there are plenty of café's and bars for lunch. Have a good time"

I saw them all off in the right direction before rejoining Den for the short drive back to the coach park. With us there were six coaches at this end of town, it will be busy in the little town! We locked up and started walking back to the town.

"You feeling better now?"

"Much. You?" I asked

"I'll live."

It was obvious when we saw two more coaches dropping off that eating should be scheduled early in this stop and spotting a bakery cum café by the drop off area we decided to give it a try. A good menu was on offer and we both opted for Gulaschsuppe, Den went for coffee and I chanced tea.

"Well the wine cellar was a hit" Den mentioned

"It was quite good actually," I fished my 'free' glass out, "and you get a free glass!"

"Another six visits and you'll have a set!"

"Give over, the passengers like that sort of thing"

"Yeah I know. I hope they enjoy this afternoons entertainment"

"I hope we can get on this time, when I came with Rob there was some sort of club day so we couldn't go round."

Our food chose that moment to arrive and conversation was replaced by feeding our faces! We emerged back into a still warming afternoon decided to have a look at the town before retiring back to the bus.

A typical little German walled town greeted us.

"Well I never" Den was pointing at something vaguely familiar. "Is that what I think it is?" "Sure looks like it!"     Indeed it was, yep here in a quiet little medieval walled town in Germany was an old-fashioned British red telephone box! Den couldn't help himself, the camera was out and he joined the other budding David Bailey's. We walked back up through the town, we spotted several of our passengers in one hostelry, they called out to us, we waved back and continued, stopping occasionally to look in a shop window or at the postcard racks. "What's the 'Rá¶misches Glaswerk'?" Den enquired pointing to a sign as we approached the gateway again. "Roman glass factory? I'm intrigued"

So we followed the sign and found ourselves just by the drop off point in a big stone built building, hot and noisy. I was a bit disappointed; it wasn't a Roman glass factory but a glass blower using Roman techniques. We stood and watched the end of a demonstration session then sagging a bit from the extra heat of the furnace moved next door into the shop.

"I can get something for the missus here, she collects this sort of stuff" Den informed me as we admired the shelves of coloured silica.

"Yeah my mum might like something too" I agreed.

It wasn't all glass; there was some local silver jewellery and even cuckoo clocks on offer. I left Den to look around on his own and became fascinated with the jewellery.

"Kann ich Ihnen helfen?"

"Oh, ich suche ein Geschenk fá¼r meine Freundin Julie"

(I'll translate this bit for you!)

"Have you seen anything in particular?" the assistant asked. She was about fifty and had an infectious smile.

"The ring on the right there" I pointed to it, "but I don't know the size"

She pulled the tray out and passed me the ring.

"It is very nice, your friend is lucky to have such a good friend"

"EVE? Can you sort out this English please, I can't understand" one of the other women called over.

"I won't be a moment"

"That's okay"

She hurried over to the main till area and started to talk to the customer in perfect English with maybe a hint of a Yorkshire accent! I tried the ring on myself, it fitted my third finger perfectly, and I was admiring it there when Eve returned.

"That looks wonderful, you have such pretty hands"

"Er thanks, you speak English well"

"That's because I'm English, from Doncaster"

"I know it, I went to college in Nottingham!"

I swapped to English

"So how did you end up here?"

"My husband, bless 'im, before he died, was a doctor in Euskirchen, I met him hitchhiking in Africa. Now my family is here, I work here part time, you meet such interesting people. Your English is very good"

"I'm Nena by the way. I work as a tour host on English coaches at the moment"

"That explains it."

"Yes?"

"The English here today, we don't get many English here, too far off the beaten track Nena, too far off the beaten track."

"I'll take a chance on the ring size, I'm sure it'll be okay" I told her passing it back.

"There's a matching necklace, I can do you a special price on the pair?"

Well I had seen the necklace before but it was stretching the budget a bit. Eve however was not put off.

"Now lets see, the ring is thirty Euro and the necklace is forty, that's seventy, less forty percent, I can do you the pair for forty two" she beamed at me.

Damn that was tempting! I did a quick calculation, if I get Nena style tips this week, and I reckon I will.

"Done!"

I paid Eve and she wrapped them up.

"There you are Nena"

"Oh hi Den, just finished." I turned back to Eve, "thanks Eve"

"No problem Nena"

"Oh Den, this is Eve, from Doncaster? Eve, Den my driver" I made the introductions.

"Nice to meet you Den, you must bring Nena here back to see me"

"I think my wife will be sending me, she adores this glass stuff"

"Eve?" a call went out

"Have to go, nice meeting you Nena and you Den, teuss"

"Bye" Den replied

"Tschá¼ss" I gave a little wave

"Come on kiddo, its nearly time to pick up the punters"

We walked back out into the now hot afternoon.

"I was going to pop into the bakers, get some cake for later"

"Okay, I'll go bring the bus up then, see you in a few minutes"

Den hurried off up the road and I went into the bakery where we'd eaten a while back. Now if there's one thing I've got a weakness for it's cake and so far this week has been a bit of a washout! I did manage to get a slice of a cheesecake type thing in Bad Neuenahr with Mika yesterday but I'm going into withdrawal! I selected a variety of different offerings and went outside to join my accumulating passengers in waiting for Den and the coach.

For the second trip in a row I didn't have any laggards and so when Den arrived everyone was there waiting. And that phone box was a big hit! Weird or what?

"So how unlikely was that then?" I mentioned to Den as we pulled onto the main road.

"What?"

"Eve back in the glass place"

"Oh right, yeah I guess you wouldn't expect to find someone from England living round here"

We picked up the right road for the 'GroáŸe Eifel-Route' and climbed steadily for several k's before dropping down to the upper reaches of the Ahr. We followed the river through Schuld and Insul before turning south to Adenau. We passed under a road bridge at the top of the town and now inside the famous Ná¼rburgring forked left at the next junction. We emerged, after a steep climb close to our first destination, the road circuit entrance.

We pulled up in the queue for the gates.

By now, most of the coach was aware of where we were and there was a frison of excitement as we pulled around to join the short queue, it looks like our luck's in! Den hopped out and went over to the office to pay and book in and I grabbed the mike.

I waited until Den gave a thumbs up from the office before talking.

"Well ladies and gentlemen, we have a treat for you now, a drive around the famous Ná¼rburgring motor race circuit!" well that really got their attention. "Can you all please make sure you have your seat belts fastened," there was a round of snaps and clunks as the previously ignored lap belts were fastened.

"Okay, five minutes" Den advised handing me a pile of paper, "one for everyone I hope", then stuck a small card in the front windscreen.

I quickly walked the aisle checking belts and handing out the souvenir 'certificates' to everyone. By the time I resumed my seat at the front and buckled in myself, we were at the entry barrier. The bar lifted and we were off!

"Here we go!" Den exclaimed as he gunned the engine into action.

Den was having a great time haring around the circuit!

The coach has a speed limiter, supposedly set at 100kph but the speedo was definitely showing us doing a fair bit beyond that! Den was enjoying himself as he skillfully took the bends. Of course the cars on the circuit left us standing but you don't normally get to drive a coach like this! All too soon we were behind the Grand Prix circuit and Den put his foot down again. I was expecting him to pull off but we sailed straight on for a second lap. He cornered a bit quicker this time round and I could see a huge grin on his face. Men!

We pulled off at the end of the lap and once through the exit barrier, we parked up.

"Now the fun is over, the toilets are inside!" I joked, "seriously we have a few minutes before we have to leave, there is a shop inside and toilets, fifteen minutes please."

They all piled off and then Den insisted on taking a photo of me in front of the bus with our circuit entry number in the windscreen.

"They have coach racing you know?" Den stated

"What? With passengers an' that?"

"No don't be daft, no the company that made Betsy here run it every year, the Setra Grand Prix"

"I'm not sure I'd want to be on one, that was bad enough, I thought we were limited to 100kph?"

"Well we are, but there's a safety allowance, if you floor it you can get an extra twenty on top, the brakes kick in at 125"

The passengers were back, 'Betsy' starred in a few more photos before everyone was back on board and we pulled away from the track. Den took us up through the village to join the main road then started us towards our last stop of the day. I did a quick drinks run; all the takers wanted cold drinks so that was easy. We pulled up in Mayen a bit after four for a forty-five minute stop. Of course I had to point out the twisted church spire, 'just like Chesterfield' and once we'd ushered everyone off I went to make us some tea. I wanted one even if no one else did!

"You know Nena, this is turning into a decent trip"

"What today?"

"Today, yes but the week in full"

"Even with Frau Polch's schnapps and me getting mugged?"

"Well the schnapps wasn't so bad and you weren't hurt or anything"

"I guess so"

"How 'bout you?"

"Well apart from the attempted mugging and drinking too much last night, it's been okay I guess, even if I am wearing women's clothing"

"I'd sort of forgotten about that," Den admitted

"What do you mean forgotten, you can hardly miss the fact that I'm in a dress!"

"Well, I've sort of got used to it you look..."

"Yeah I know, like a woman" I interrupted

"Well you do"

"THANK. YOU."

I pulled my book out and sat on the step to read it.

An hour later we were back at the hotel and I'm afraid I was still giving Den and anyone else who dared speak to me the cold shoulder.
 
 
"Jules?"

"Hmmph! It's you"

"Not you as well, look I'm sorry about last night, it wasn't my fault, honest"

"You were drunk"

"Slightly merry?"

"Drunk!"

"It was Frau Polch's homebrew, Den was a bit out of it too"

"Hmm. Well I suppose you're off the hook. How's it going?"

"Weird. I'm not talking to Den, I'm sat here wondering which dress to wear for dinner and I'm...I'm not a girl!"

"Calm down. Now then, start at the beginning, what happened when you went to see Mika yesterday?"

So I spent the next half an hour getting everything off my chest so to speak.

"If you weren't a bloke I'd say you'd got PMT!"

"Thank you very much!"

"I think you're getting it all out of proportion. Get yourself dressed and go apologise to Den."

"I'm going to cancel tomorrow night"

"Don't you dare! I want to hear all about it on Sunday"

"Okay"

"Love you Chris"

"Me too, not me of course, you, oh you know what I mean!"

She giggled down the phone at me.

"Get on with you, talk to you later"

"Yeah, night"

"Night lover!"

Well I'm still confused but at least I'm in a better mood! Damn, no time for a shower now.
 
 
"You in a better mood now Chris" Den asked cautiously

"Sorry about earlier Den, I don't know what came over me"

"Lets go eat then"

It was that black dress again!

I shrugged into my jacket to walk the short distance up to the main hotel building, I'd decided on the black dress again.     "Ah Nena, I have a message for you" Margrit called over when we got to reception. "Oh right, won't be a minute Den" "I'll get in the queue" "Here you are," Margrit plucked a post-it from the desk, "yes, Mika will pick you up at seven and wear something you can dance in, make sense?" "Yes thanks, we're off for a girls night out tomorrow" "Ah to be young again!" "Hey, it's not all it's cracked up to be!" I joked

After dinner, Den insisted we go out for a drink - no schnapps allowed. So we walked into the main square and joined the other drinkers in one of the pavement bars. A couple of our passengers joined us and we spent a low alcohol, but pleasant evening chatting.
 
 
Friday. A pretty easy day for Den and I, drive to Cologne, dump passengers, mooch around all day, pick up passengers, return to Andernach! We took the Autobahn north and we were in the city just after ten. We pulled up in the shadow of the Dom to unload our cargo of itching to explore tourists. On the drive in from the motorway I'd already given them my spiel and offered advice on what to do and so on so that now it was just fine detail.

"We will pick you up back here at four o'clock. Please be on time, we can only wait here for a few minutes. Have a good day"
 
 
I helped them disembark, most headed straight up the steps that lead to the front of the Cathedral, a few went along towards the tourist info office or maybe MacDonald's almost opposite! Den got us around the block and by half ten we were parking up down by the river.

Days like today can be a nightmare, around five hours to kill.

"Cuppa?" I offered

"Please. We going up into the city later?"

"Yeah, I guess so, we can eat down by the river or there's that Thai place in the Altmarkt." I called down the bus

"You eating before Mika picks you up tonight?"

"She's coming at seven so I guess we'll be eating wherever we're going" I told him returning to the front of the coach.

Den already had his paperwork out so I extricated my book from my bag for a few minutes reading before we head into the city. Not my usual reading matter but Mandy recommended it and it's her copy I've got now. Oh sorry, it's called 'Cat' by Freya North. Strange plot of girl meets boy whilst reporting on the Tour de France, Le Grand Boucle! As I say not a book I'd buy but I must admit that it makes a change from my usual reading matter.
 
 
"We going then?" Den asked

"Eh?" I checked the time, ten past eleven. "I was just getting into this" I waved the book at him.

"We don't have to go now," he offered

"No lets get off"

We walked along the river walk back towards the Bahnhof and Dom. Being another pleasant day I left my jacket on the bus although the thin skirt and sheer top left me feeling a bit exposed!

 
 
We cut up to the Dom then took to the back streets to make our way to the Neumarkt. I always find it easier and quicker going this way; there can be quite a crush of humanity in the shopping zone! We started along the Schildergasse checking out a shop here and there, C&A, even Marks and Spencer have stores along here. Then while Den was looking in a jewelers I found myself glued to the Orsay window display. There was that dress again.

In the right hand display three mannequins displayed what I would describe as clubbing out fits and the other side of the door two more outfits, perhaps a bit more demure occupied the window space. The unifying factor between the two was 'that' dress, albeit in different colours!

My gaze was pulled to the Orsay window display.

I was attracted to that dress like a bee to honey!
 
 
"Don't tell me that you're thinking of buying another frock," Den mentioned as he joined me.

"Well I don't really have anything for tonight, I wasn't exactly planning on a girls night you know"

He rolled his eyes, "Women!" but he followed me inside anyway.

I knew what I was after; I was a girl on a mission!

"Ich wá¼rde gern das Kleid im Schaufenster sehen" I asked the pink haired assistant hovering at the till.

(Author translation!)

"Which one? They're mostly down to the right"

"The sort of," I hesitated. What would you call it? "Er, with the straps and laces?"

"Oh yes that's down there, you need a good figure to wear that", she added

"Thanks"

With Den trailing, I realised that he probably gets a lot of practice at this with his wife; I made my way through the packed rails to a clearer display on a head height shelf above the racks.

"So I take it that conversation means you've seen something then?"

"Well I have to admit that I've got my eye on something, but I'm open to suggestions?"

"Come on then"

I was in and out of more combinations than you could shake a stick at!>

Over the next forty-five minutes I was in and out of more outfits than I care to mention! That looks good, I look fat in that, don't like that, too revealing! And so on. The little changing cubicle looked like a bomb had hit it. I was running Den ragged fetching stuff and the girl looking after the changing facilities was getting a bit uppity as more stuff passed in and out of the little changing room. I'm sure Den was starting to get near the end of his patience when I eventually made my choice, or should I say choices. Jules is going to do well out of me after this trip, that's for sure! "Looks like your buying the place up" "No!" I replied defensively. My decision was actually influenced by the hemlines. The three outfits (two dresses, two tops and that dress!) I decided to buy went from a fairly conservative knee length peasant style to a black Chinese style dress at mid thigh to the short pinafore style thing I started out with! At least I'd have a choice. Thankfully Orsay is not too expensive so I actually only spent seventy Euro. Only! "I'm ready to eat" Den mentioned when we returned to the Schildegasse. "Okay, what are we doing?"

"Dinea?" he suggested.

"Yeah okay"

We walked up towards the huge Karstadt, that plane emerging from the shop front always amuses me. By the time we'd eaten, I'd bought some more tights and Den had purchased some of the famous '4711' cologne for his wife, it was mid afternoon. By mutual consent we headed back down to the river and the bus.

We had to wait a few minutes for one elderly couple at the pick up point, for some reason they thought I said half four. Well that's what they said; funny that everyone else heard four o'clock! For a bit of variety, Den headed us out through Deutz and past the airport and the Frankfurt Autobahn. I took a runner on those over shopped individuals wanting a drink, nearly the whole bus eventually had something before we took exit 36 to drop through the Rhein-Westerwald to Neuweid and our crossing back to the west bank and Andernach.

Five fifteen. Less than two hours before Showtime!

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Maddy Bell 18.04.04  © 2004
Photos  © Maddy Bell 2001,2002
 
 
End of Part 7
 
 
To Be Continued...

Pictures of Nena have been generated using Ania's 'Cherie' Fkiss doll on Angy-Chan's template and are Copyright 2004. They are used with permission, if you'd like to see more go to www.acharsi.prv.pl

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Nena: Book 2 - Das Ist Normal

 
 

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Part 8
 
"So you went for that then?" Den greeted me when I joined him in the hotel bar at quarter to seven.

"Well it just feels right" I replied accepting a pineapple juice, I am not drinking tonight, well maybe just a bit.

"So you know where you're going?"

"Not the foggiest"

A car horn tooted outside.

"That'll be Mika now" I announced grabbing my bag

"Enjoy yourself kiddo, and no sneaking men back to your room!"

"Den!"

"Just kidding. Take care"

I wasn't certain I'd made the right choice, perhaps this is a little too sassy!!

In truth I was feeling more than a little nervous. I mean, here I am Chris Hornby on my way to a night out with a bunch of women only one of which I know and look at what I'm wearing! "Oh wow Nena, you look brilliant!" "It's not too much? I can change" "Stay as you are! Now get in" To my surprise we only drove the half-mile or so to the Bahnhof where Mika parked her jalopy. "So where are we off to?" "Koblenz, we'll catch the train, it's easier than trying to park in town. And I've got a season ticket" she giggled. "What about the others that are going, coming whatever?" "We'll meet them at the restaurant, most of them live in Koblenz or nearby" By the number and dress of the people on the platform waiting, a lot of people were doing the same. I was a bit nervous of the group of teenage Goths but no one else was taking any notice so I did my best to ignore them too. The southbound train arrived and we quickly joined the other passengers on the 'party' express - well that's what I dubbed it. We chatted about our respective days, the effects of Ma Polch's schnapps and my taste in women's clothing and seemingly in minutes we were crossing the Mosel on the approach to Koblenz Bahnhof. Compared to Andernach, Koblenz is a roaring metropolis! We made our way out of the station into the plaza that provides a site for the taxi rank, bus station and Mika informed me, an open-air ice rink!

"Walk?" Mika asked

Well it was still quite mild and I was wearing comfy shoes.

"Okay"

Mika led the way; our arms linked like you often see girlfriends, me in a short dress and my friend in a glittery boob tube and straight leg trousers. I made a mental note of our route but so far it seemed straight forward, straight along Lá¶hrstrasse, over a dual carriageway and then into the pedestrianised shopping.

"Not so far now" Mika observed

"You never said it was a ten mile hike"

"What is this 'ten mile hike'?"

"Sorry, long walk"

"I forgot how far it is from the station, it is only a short way now" we crossed another street and entered what was clearly the home to Koblenz' nightlife. Café's and restaurants spilled onto the street and at different places everything from jazz to disco permeated the airwaves.

We finally turned into a small square and headed for an eatery on the far side.

"Mika!" a woman's voice greeted us

Mika changed to German; I won't be speaking English again tonight!

"Ah Claudia, the others they are not here? Oh sorry, this is Nena, my friend from England"

"Hi Nena, pretty dress"

"Thank you, nice to meet you" Claudia looked to be thirty something and was wearing what could be termed conservative chic, silk blouse and straight cut leather trousers!

"No, Heidi rang to say they'd be a few minutes late"

We sat ourselves down and Mika ordered a couple of cokes for us.

"So what brings you to this neck of the woods Nena? Holiday?"

"Work I'm afraid, I'm a tour host"

"Tonight will be a change from your hotel then eh?"

"Quite a change" she wouldn't know how big however!

"Where do you stay?"

"Andernach, the Vulkan-Eifel"

"Ah you are with Margrit," she observed

"You know her?" Mika asked

"Yes, we went to school together"

"Claudia, Mika!"

The rest of our party chose that moment to arrive. Claudia took charge of the introductions, Susan, Anna, Heidi and Tina. Anna looked to be in her forties but the others at a guess were all late twenties and I was feeling more than a little overdressed! Ah well, too late to do anything about it now.

The restaurant was Italian and provided a decent range of Mediterranean cuisine, I settled on Tagliatelle Carbonara with a salad. By nine thirty we were ready to move on and our gaggle of chattering women, and me, set off for the dance bar. When we got there we had to queue for a few minutes before being admitted to the heaving mass of bodies inside. Remember Seefeld, this place was nothing like that! In here, I was the one who fit in, as we joined gyrating, half dressed girls - and boys on the dance floor.

I was amazed however when everyone started getting on down, even Anna. Hey why not. I'm not going to tell you too much about the evening in the club, other than we danced, we drank, Heidi did karaoke and we all had a good time! I was really enjoying myself and when Mika suggested we should be getting off, I could have happily stayed. We all started walking together but the others spotted the last bus and had to make a dash to catch it, leaving Mika and me alone to get back to the station for our train.

"You fancy a drink Nena, the next train is just after one"

I checked my watch, twenty past twelve.

"Okay then"

We found a quiet bar opposite the Bahnhof and apart from a couple of glasses of wine with the meal, I got my first alcohol of the night. One turned to two, two to three and Mika was getting a bit loud.

"What time's the train Mika?"

"Five past" she mumbled

"Bum! Come on girl we need to run"

"Not running" she stated as I dragged her out the door.

"What's not running? The train?" I asked with just a hint of panic.

"Me"

Oh boy! I should have remembered, she never could drink, she was always a cheap date at college!

I stopped to check the platform.

"Gleis drei, come on Nena"

Me come on? Damn if that clock's right we've missed it. I half dragged Mika up the stairs to the platform and arrived as the guard blew his whistle. Luck was with us though; spotting us he gave us the few seconds we needed to clamber aboard before signaling the driver to go. Am I glad I decided on flat shoes! I got us into the carriage where Mika promptly fell asleep.

"Fahrkarte, bitte" the conductor announced as we re-crossed the Mosel. I located my ticket then started looking for Mika's. Luckily I remembered where she had put it earlier so that was the first place I looked, it wasn't there but the next compartment produced the pass. I wasn't even sure how far we had top go so I was at least keeping an eye out. The train drew to a halt, Urmitz. Not yet then, my hitherto sober friend was still snoring away. Another short journey had us halt at Weissenthurm, I'm sure its not far now.

Sure enough, the next stop was us; I had to half carry Mika off the train.

"We home?" she slurred

"Well Andernach anyway"

"Car. Drive home"

"You're not driving anywhere!" or walking very far in this state!

Luck was with us, a taxi pulled around the corner, I waved and it pulled over. There wasn't much choice really, twenty minutes later I had Mika down to her underwear in my bed and with a 'what the heck' changed myself and climbed in next to her.

A comfortable outfit.

I woke to find Mika snuggled up to me, I just hope Jules doesn't get to hear about this! I left her still snoring lightly while I got myself ready for the day. "What happened?" "Oh you're awake. Three beers apparently" "Ohh! What time is it?" "You're alright, it's only quarter to eight" "Urgh! Did we, you know?" "Course not, now get yourself up and in the shower, you got work today?" "Not till later, eleven" "You can join us for breakfast then" "Thanks Chris" "No sweat, now scoot"

"You ready Nena" Den called through the door.

"Just a minute"

The look on his face when Mika opened the door.

"Morning Dennis"

"Er morning Mika, breakfast?"

 
My sleep mate finally set off home at about nine fifteen after a chat with Margrit. Last day today, just a short excursion down the Rhein and a return to Koblenz for the afternoon. Den still hadn't said anything about Mika staying over; instead I was getting funny looks. The punters started appearing just after Mika's departure so we lost the opportunity to talk for a while longer.

I want passengers like this every trip. Everyone who was booked on today's excursion was on before nine thirty, so we departed a couple of minutes before schedule. We crossed the Rhein to Neuweid and turned to follow the river southwards. I took up the mike to point out the Deutsches Eck as we passed on the opposite bank below Ehrenbreitstein citadel. It took barely another fifteen minutes before we pulled into the coach park at Marksburg Castle above Braubach. (that's the castle at the top of the chapter)

Den decided to join us for the visit and we all headed for the steps up the last stretch to the castle. And no I don't want a repeat of Austria! We waited for our tour guides for a few minutes then we were admitted in two groups a few minutes apart. I'm not hugely into all the history stuff but it was a good tour with stunning views over the river but lots of stairs. It was eleven o'clock when we returned to the gift shop and after collecting everyone; we were back on the bus by quarter past.

The plan is that we lunch at Koblenz but we don't have to go straight there.

"We got time for Loreley Den?" I asked as we started back down to the river.

"Yeah, I think so, we can cross a bit below, and there're several ferries down there"

We rejoined the riverside road and started down through the Rhein Gorge. I made a tea run almost immediately so that when we got down to St. Goarshausen I could relate the Loreley fable to the punters. We watched as a river barge struggled against the strong currents then fell behind our more rapid land transit.

The Kaub ferry wasn't running so we continued as far as Lorch before crossing the river. We slipped through Bacharach, didn't see Bert, then back past the Loreley's choppy waters.

"how about we stop at Boppard for lunch, it'll be about one when we get there. An hour to eat, we'll still be at Koblenz by two thirtyish" Den suggested as we trundled through St. Goar.

"Sounds good to me"

It's turning out to be a bit cooler today even if it is bright, as Den and I walked along the congested waterfront in search of our lunch I was glad of my long sleeves. We finally found a little square with a couple of café/bakery establishments, rather than sit outside, we decided to eat in.

"So, Mika stayed the night then?" Den asked when we'd ordered

"You only said not to sneak men back" I joked. "She was a bit beyond tipsy, we only just made the train back up"

"I thought she picked you up in her car?"

"She did but we left it at the station. There was no way she could have driven last night so she stayed over. And yes we did share the bed, just don't tell Jules huh?"

"Does that mean there's something to tell?"

"Look, she was snoring before I was undressed even, nothing happened"

"Well you don't strike me as a lesbian" he said poker faced.

"Lesbian?" it took a minute, "yeah I guess it would be a bit like that, well for her anyway! You didn't really think?"

"Well no not really but it was a bit of a shock when she opened the door this morning"

"If anything I should be worried, she was acting as though she wakes up every day with a bloke in women's clothing"

"Perhaps she does?"

"Eh?"

"Maybe she has a boyfriend or ex who likes to er" he indicated my outfit.

"Naw, she would have said. Wouldn't she?"

"Well you never know"

Just then our conversation was interrupted by a chorus of squeals and shouting. We both looked towards the open front of the café.

"Flipping heck" Den mentioned

The previously sunny square was now sitting under an incredible deluge; already there were rivers of run off heading downhill. The noise was incredible, the rain bouncing nearly a metre! All the commotion was caused by dozens of people trying to find temporary shelter under awnings and inside the shops. The café's were non plussed as most of the sheltered would spend money, the establishment we were in went from half full to packed in just a couple of minutes!

"Glad we weren't out in that"

"Yeah" I agreed

As quickly as it started the rain stopped, it was like turning off a power shower. The noise ceased and moments later the plaza was once again bathed in sunshine now with thin wisps of steam from the glistening cobbles the only sign of the passing downpour.

The atmosphere in the café immediately lightened and they say the English are fixated with the weather! Just about every conversation in the place was weather dominated, floods, storms, gales, well you get the gist. After all the excitement it was time for us to head back to the bus, I mean it wouldn't do for us to be late!

I reckon someone upstairs was having a giggle and the second squall caught us unawares and in the open of the riverfront! We started to run, but hindered by my skirt I soon dropped behind Den. The rain was down to a few spots when a completely drowned Nena arrived at the bus. When I say I was wet, I mean I could feel that even my knickers were saturated!

"Oh my god!" Den announced as I squelched on board, "hang on I've got a towel here somewhere"

"I think I need more than a towel"

I used the towel to get the worst of the wet out of my hair but I started to shiver as my wet clothing did it's best to make me uncomfortable.

"You need dry clothes"

"Well done Sherlock"

The passengers started to arrive having apparently all missed the downpours; I looked like a drowned rat as I slowly steamed in the now returned sunshine. So I had to explain several times that I hadn't fallen in the river.

"That everyone youth?"

"Yep"

"Lets get to Koblenz and get you something dry to wear"

We quickly covered the twenty kilometers up to our last stop, the heater blasting out which just caused me to steam, where we found a parking bay at the busy tourist honey pot of the Deutsches Eck. Den suggested that we could stay until five thirty; we'd still be back at the hotel before six. I pointed the passengers in the right direction then dripped into the public toilets.

With less but not streaked makeup I returned to the coach, "first shop, and cheap!" I advised my colleague.

We caught the little tourist 'train' into the town and got off outside of the Lá¶hr Centre.

It wasn't really co-ordinated but it was dry!!

"I saw a few places on the main street last night" I told Den as we walked through the passageway into the town proper. As luck would have it, H&M was just round the corner and for the second day Den trailed inside with me. I really did do a hit and run, a white blouse, short denim skirt decorated with a bit of lace, bra and pants, I even got a pair of cheap sandal things to replace my squelchy trainers. I begged the use of the staff toilet and did a quick change. I emerged dry and a darn site more comfortable! "Better?" Den asked "Much! Thanks" "Well I can't have you catching pneumonia can I" "Still" "What are we doing now then?" I remembered one of the shops I passed last night, right up Den's street! I led the way down Lá¶hrstrasse towards the Bahnhof but only a short way past the dual carriageway I stopped. "Ta da!" I motioned towards the window "Oh wow!" Den was mesmerized, the window was dominated by a model railway layout, not my thing but this one was pretty good.

"You want to have a look?"

"Just try stopping me" and he led the way into the toy cum model store.

Inside was something else, cabinets full of model cars, railway wagons, well you name it they had it! Den headed towards the railway stuff and I mooched around the displays of toy cars. Something caught my eye, looking more carefully, yep it was, a model of a coach like 'Betsy'.

"Kann ich Ihnen helfen?"

"Oh! Err... ja, ich há¤tte gern dieses Modell." I pointed to the bus in the cabinet

 
Den was a happy chappy now, he'd spent an undisclosed sum on a huge bag of model railway goodies and, well he literally was the (big) kid in a toyshop! We walked back up through the town and finding our way through the old town, a sign caught my eye.

"You fancy a bit of culture?"

"Why not, it's not four yet, bags of time"

So we followed the signs to the Mittelrhein-Museum and entered the cool, quiet atmosphere of the old town hall. We paid our entry fee, left our bags at the desk and started to wander round. Huge paintings of the town and the rivers dominated the ground floor with models showing the development of the town. Moving upstairs we passed works by local artists then on the second floor the exhibits changed to sculpture and more modern works.

"What's that old box on the wall?" Den asked

"Where?"

"Over there" he pointed behind me

"Dunno, looks like a painting"

We went across to satisfy our curiosity.

"Well I never!"

"I thought it was huge, the posters and stuff don't give any clue," Den agreed

"It explains all the posters of it downstairs"

"Der Turm von Babel, it's incredible"

We both studied the ancient picture not much more than the size of a magazine. The detail is incredible, too much to take in in one go. The faint whiff of fresh coffee eventually drew our attention and we tracked down the little cafeteria. Cake! Mmmm! Well it's a woman's prerogative, even a pretend woman! It was nearly five when we left to make the short trip back to the bus under cloud free skies.

I even managed to put my hair up.

Back at the Vulkan-Eifel tonight is 'dinner' night, the last evening of the tour. It's expected that we make a bit of an effort so I decided to go for one of yesterday's purchases and I somehow got my hair into something resembling 'dressy'. Not bad for a bloke eh? Well the evening went off without a hitch; everyone had a good time although with a fairly early start Den and I had to lay off the alcohol. No such inhibitions from the punters though! I managed to escape before eleven and then had to tackle the packing! Did I really buy all this lot? We said our farewells to Margrit and her merry crew and hit the tarmac just after eight thirty. You remember the outward trip? Well the return was no more exciting, I did the tea round each hour, with comfort stops every couple of hours. As we headed across Belgium the blue skies of Germany gradually gave way to overcast and grey heavens. By the time we turned south towards Dunkirk and Calais, rain was threatening. Soon we'd be meeting up with the other buses and I'd see Jules again, tonight I claim my prize! The rain started dockside, the French lack of concern over exit checks letting me draw a huge sigh of relief. We were up in the drivers lounge before I got a chance to really talk to Julia and Mandy. "By the look of you, you had a good week" I mentioned to a bronzed Mandy

"You don't look too bad yourself girl" she replied, "that uniform looks better on you than me"

In truth after another week in dresses and skirts it felt pretty natural to be sat here dressed like this.

"Looks like you lost the bet," I told Jules, "one tour complete with me in a frock and makeup"

"Well I lost that one but I had a counter bet with Mand which I've won"

"Okay," Mandy agreed, "you said he would, I didn't believe you. Here you go" she passed a not inconsiderable amount of money over to my girlfriend.

"I don't believe you two!" I exclaimed "Aw c'mon Chris, it was just a bit of fun" Mandy stated "For you maybe, not for me" "I bet you enjoyed yourself, Jules said you went out with a German friend, that must have been fun" "I've had worse nights," I allowed And tonight was to be one of them! We disembarked and joined the queue for immigration and customs, I found Ingrid's passport and prayed that they didn't check too carefully again. While we waited I presented Den with his model bus. "I know it's not much, but it's a small thank you for looking out for me this week" He unwrapped the package. "It's just like 'Betsy'," I pointed out "Thanks, thanks Nena, that's really thoughtful"

"You deserve it after this week"

"Well thanks anyway, whoa here we go" he pulled Betsy into the shed.

I suppose my luck had to run out some time and this afternoon it was that time. As usual Den popped the lockers while an official checked passports, I thought the girl was taking longer than usual but she returned to the front of the bus eventually. She took a more than cursory glance at Ingrid's papers.

"Can you come with me for a minute please and bring your bag along"

"I er sure" I grabbed my bag and preceded her off the bus. Den was chatting to one of the customs guys and seeing me off the bus gave a questioning look. I shrugged my shoulders and was ushered into the offices. I surrendered my bag and found myself in a small room with just a couple of chairs and a table.

"Wait here please"

I was in no position to argue! I will tell you now; I was as they say 'shitting bricks'! I am in deep doo doo; here I am a bloke dressed up as a woman, with paperwork in one name and a passport belonging to someone else, neither of which is mine, deep doo doo!

I heard our bus pulling out of the shed and wondered what was going to happen next. What had they told Den? What did the passengers think? I'm out of a job that's for sure! I waited impatiently for what seemed like hours before the woman returned with another official.

"Now then Miss Ziegler or should I say Mister Hornby, you have some explaining to do!

---

 
Maddy Bell 19.04.04  © 2004
Photos  © Maddy Bell 2001,2002
 
 
End of Part 8
 
 
To Be Continued...

Pictures of Nena have been generated using Ania's 'Cherie' Fkiss doll on Angy-Chan's template and are Copyright 2004. They are used with permission, if you'd like to see more go to www.acharsi.prv.pl