Sometime in the future:

Dear Reader: I was delighted to find that this writer account was still open after all these years. I wanted to write this story to tell you something about my family. I haven’t much experience with writing, so please bear with me, okay? I hope this blesses you. Sincerely, Angelina Abruzzi

---

 
The figure walked up the path from the driveway to the front entrance. She appeared to be about seventy or so, attractive for her age, albeit for her decidedly short hair, which still held some bits of brown mixed in with the white. She wore a long sweater-coat, green and hooded, over a v-neck black silk top along with jeans and some low heeled calf-length boots. Her make up, such as it was, did little to hide the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth, but she was fine with that. Over seven decades of a wonderful life, filled with so much experience, both good and bad, gave her pause to treasure the rich life the lines bore witness to. Failing to notice the doorbell, she knocked on the front door, hard enough to remind her of the arthritis that now beset her hands. After a few moments, the door opened to reveal a very friendly face belonging to a nice woman likely ages with her.

"Oh,Hi," the woman said warmly, you must be Andrea. I’m Sandra. "Come on in. I've just taken the kettle off the stove, and we can have some tea."

"I'm glad I found the place. I lost the directions somewhere between my apartment and my car, but I guess my sense of direction still works somewhat,"

The two stepped inside and walked past a large room that appeared to be an office of some sort. They arrived at end of the hall and walked into a nice dining room, where two other women sat at the table, already talking and drinking tea."

"Ladies, I'd like you to meet Andrea." Andrea had already exchanged pleasantries with Sandra over the phone.

"Andrea, I'd like you to meet some of our staff. Janet here is a registered nurse...nurse practitioner actually. She's been with us from almost the beginning."

Janet offered her hand, which Andrea took gladly in greeting. "What a lovely smile." Andrea thought as she returned the warm smile with her own.

"Connie here is our accountant. She's been here since May, and we just love her to pieces." Connie blushed and Andrea noticed that her eyes were misty.

"I'm sorry...I...it's just I never thought in a million years that there would ever be a place for me." She wanted to continue but the mist turned to tears. Sandra looked at Connie seeking permission to continue her story. Connie nodded, and Sandra smiled at Andrea and said,

"She was let go in March from her company. We expect it was because she was in the midst of her transition, and the management just couldn't handle the fallout from the staff. She had the support of several of her co-workers, but her manager just couldn't accept her. It would be a case of discrimination except that her work reviews were consistently poor and they stated that she failed to improve despite several warnings from management."

"It's a nice way of saying 'you're a transsexual, we can't come up with anything to complain about, so we'll just report that you can't do your job' even though she was getting more done in her department than half the other staff." Janet interjected with more than a little anger.

"That doesn't seem fair at all. Isn't that illegal?" Andrea said.

"It would appear so, but it's hard to prove...especially if it isn't documented or if the documentation isn't descriptive enough." Sandra stated with a frown. "We're not the only ones who deal with this, but other groups seem to get more attention and make more progress since they've become "acceptable," whereas we're still treated like outcasts."

"Will you be moving in today, Andrea? I'd be happy to help you unpack?" Janet said with a smile.

"Actually, she’s not going to live here." Cathilynn, the founder of the refuge said as she walked into the dining room. “She’s still living at home.” Cathilynn walked over and gave Andrea a hug.

“I’m so glad you came…you’ll fit it here, and I hope we can bless you as much as you will bless us. Janet raised one eyebrow in surprise. Connie looked disappointed as well. The grandmotherly woman before her looked like someone she would really love to know.

"Oh, I'm sorry..." Cathilynn apologized, "Andrea is here to volunteer. She doesn't live far from here, and has her own apartment....which is actually a Godsend, since we've really very little space while the expansion takes place." The home was doubling in size as the foundation had purchased the adjacent property after securing a variance from the town.

"Well, we're glad to meet you, Andrea, what do you bring to the table?" Janet said. It wasn't really abrupt or rude; Janet had smiled and actually pointed to the dining room table.

"You can call me Drea...my friends all do. I'm a psychologist by trade, but lately I've been involved in other work."

"Drea has agreed to work in the new program we're starting when the expansion is completed."

Janet's eyes widened, since she was also slated to work in the new program as well.

"Which program is that, Cathilynn?" Connie asked.

"Hospice" Cathilynn said with a half-smile; knowing the need for Drea's services.

"She's a grief and hospice counselor, and she's agreed to volunteer to help Janet get the program going." Janet looked over at Drea and smiled, almost with the same expression as Cathilynn. Bittersweet emotion as she thought of two of the new girls. Both had come within the past two weeks. Laurie, a pre-op girl from Kansas who would likely never see the day of her GRS. She was in stage four of acute lymphoma, and had very little time left, with no support but for the women at the home. Her wife had left her years ago, and her parents were deceased.

"I bet Nikki will be thrilled." Connie said, but her enthusiasm was blunted by the tears streaming down her cheeks. Nikki was finally losing her valiant battle against A.I.D.S. after three years being symptom free. She had been a runaway at sixteen, and had gotten into prostitution. Eventually a minister and his wife took her in after she finally was able to get off the street and into a treatment program. She had turned her life around, and was looking forward to transitioning herself when she was diagnosed with H.I.V. Unlike so many fortunate souls who have lived long after that discovery, her system finally was giving in to the ravages of the virus. Despite her grim future, Nikki remained upbeat and positive. Not in a Pollyanna fashion, since she knew there was ultimately nothing medicine could do to prevent the inevitable. Her newly rediscovered faith had given her hope, not for her own health, but hope for the other women in the home.

"Cathilynn told me about Nikki...I plan on asking her for help as much as she can when more girls arrive." Drea blinked back her own tears, remembering the beginning of her journey.

“Daddy, are you okay,” I said as I rubbed my father’s shoulder. It had already been a long day; we’d been at the hospital since nine that morning and it was nearly midnight.

“Sure, Angie…I’ll be okay…it’s just so hard. We knew this day would come, but I didn’t think it would hurt this much.”

“Daddy…you’ve loved Mommy like…forever.” I said and I leaned into him for a hug. I couldn’t help it…I started crying. I knew it would be catching, and in a moment we were both weeping. Mommy was sleeping in her room as we stood in the hallway holding onto each other for dear life. They had been married for nearly thirty-five years, and it was time to say goodbye…..We didn’t want to…it wasn’t fair somehow…but Mommy was ready to go home, like some people say.

“Andy…Andy…” my mother’s voice was a little raspy but she was calm.

“I’m here, honey….” My dad choked back his tears and walked into the room. I wanted to compose myself, and they needed some time alone…it wouldn’t be long, and I could wait a few more moments. I could hear them….

“Mi Mancherai, mi amore, mi dolce espousa,” Daddy tried to use Italian whenever he could remember the phrases. “More romantic, I think,” he’d always say.

“Annie McCullough, I love you so much.” Mommy was one of six sisters, all beautiful. Our family friend Bobby McDowell said one time at a church picnic, “Andy…there’s a McCullough here for everybody!” Mommy was beautiful…

“Andrew DiMaggio, I love you more than life itself…I have been truly blessed.” Mommy rasped.

I peeked in and they kissed…right on the lips…like the most romantic thing I would ever see.

“Angie…honey, come…sweetie, come now.” Daddy’s voice was soft and calm, but I understood the urgency. I walked into the room and walked up to the bed.

“Honey…I love you….tell the boys (Danny and Andrew, my sons) that I love them so much, okay. And tell Sal he’s the best son-in-law ever.” Her voice was clear but fading.

“Now give your Mommy a hug, okay?” I couldn’t help it. The tears were rolling off my nose and dropping quickly to the floor. I fell on the bed and wept; Mommy put her hand on my head and said a silent prayer. Daddy hugged me and kissed Mommy on the forehead, like a blessing almost. We didn’t even notice the loud beep of the monitor until the nurse came a few moments later, but there was nothing to do…Mommy was gone. After a minute or so Daddy and I stood up and hugged. Daddy was always one to cry, I recall, but I don’t remember him ever crying as hard as that night. It hurt and felt good at the same time.

"Drea..." Janet said as she patted the seat next to her. "Have a seat, and we can talk about what we see happening for the program." Drea walked over and sat down. She smiled warmly at Janet, noticing the sparkle in her eyes. But there seemed to be something more...something sad...something secret.

Second Chances by Trisha Yearwood

Next - The Longest Day

Sometime in the future:

Dear Reader: I was delighted to find that this writer account was still open after all these years. I wanted to write this story to tell you something about my family. I haven’t much experience with writing, so please bear with me, okay? I hope this blesses you. Sincerely, Angelina Abruzzi

---

 I walked into the living room. Daddy was sitting on the end of the couch. He looked tired.

"We've got about an hour before we have to leave for the airport, Dad, wanna get a quick bite to eat?" I was flying home after spending the week helping Dad get everything sorted out.

"Good Will is coming to pick up the furniture," Dad said quietly. He looked around the living room, which held so many wonderful memories for me growing up...The Christmas tree always in the same corner. Rusty's dog bed next to the fireplace.

"I'm going to miss this place, honey, but I don't feel like I want to be here now that your mom is gone...Did I make a mistake...you know...selling it so soon?" Tears filled his eyes as he grabbed my hand, as if comforting me would comfort him.

"It's okay Daddy...and you'll be living just a few towns over...Back near everybody...the boys will be able to see you…it's what you wanted to do, Dad and we miss you anyway.

"It wouldn't be the same...this big house with just me...." He put his hand to his face to hide his tears. I grabbed his arm and put my head on his shoulder.

"I miss her too, Daddy...something awful." I blinked back my own tears as quickly as I could, but they came like rain from heaven. I rubbed my face with my sleeve and pulled out the present I had set on the table behind the couch. It was wrapped in a nice embossed foil with a pretty green ribbon.

"What's this?" Daddy took the package and held it in front of him. "Very pretty, sweetheart. Green was your mother's favorite color."

"Go ahead, open it..." I put my hand on his arm and kissed him on the cheek."

"What's that for?" He asked as he began to open the present.

"It's time, Daddy." I said, rubbing his arm.

He carefully removed the ribbon and the paper. Folding back the tissue in the box, he saw what I think may have been the best present I have ever given my father. A soft mint green silk scarf, folded carefully, along with a jade brooch and matching earrings. Daddy's eye widened in recognition

"I saw you yesterday packing your mom's stuff. I thought you were going to keep this." He said. He looked down at the scarf and jewelry. He tried hard not to cry but put his hand to his face once again and wept.

"Daddy...you need to keep this...to remind yourself of Mommy." I choked back my own tears and continued. I know Mommy wanted you to be happy, and it's time...you know it is." I kissed him again and leaned on his shoulder once more.

"It's such a big step, sweetheart...I don't know if I'm ready." He bit his tongue and looked away.

“Daddy,” I said quietly, “You’ve been ready for this all your life.” I grabbed his hand in mine and pulled him close.

“Mommy knew and loved you.” I began to sob. “Shhee….she loved you so much, Daddy. It’s okay to love yourself…who you are…every bit of you…shhheee…dddid.” I buried my face in his sleeve and cried harder than I had ever cried…or cried since. We held each other and wept…for the last time as father and daughter.

“Only promise me this….please?” I said as I wiped my face again with my sleeve. “No matter where you go…No matter what you do….I don’t care…No matter who you become.” I looked up one last time into my father’s face.

“You’ll always be my Daddy, okay? Always!”

“Always, Angie.” He said softly.

"Drea, got a sec?" Irene stood in the doorway of the office with a big smile on her face.

"Irene...for you, anything!" Drea smiled and waited for Irene to continue.

"Our package is here...would you mind taking care of it?" She laughed softly and smiled again.

"No problem...I'm so glad...I'll go get Connie, okay?" Drea said as she stood up. She walked down the hall to the main office where Connie was busy sorting out some paperwork.

"Hey, Connie, honey...do you have a few minutes?" Drea said as she leaned against the doorway. Connie looked up from her work with a broad grin. She had come to see Drea as a mother figure, and was eager to please, as much to be helpful as anything, but also from a history of rejection by her family. She was always seeking affirmation and approval.

"Sure, anything you need, I'm your man...sorry...girl" The old expression was innocent enough but stung even if it came from her own mouth. Years of misunderstanding and neglect had a lasting effect on the young woman who presented herself as attractive and intelligent, but saw herself as ugly and stupid. Even after several months in therapy and support from the ladies at the home, she still struggled with complements and encouragement

"Sweetie, I hate to dump this on you, but I have an important phone call I have to take in about fifteen minutes. The mother of one of our girls is here, and I need someone to spend some time with her...show her around until her daughter can get here. Would you mind?" Drea smiled and pointed to the large family room at the end of the hall.

"I'd be happy to help. I'm so glad someone is getting a visit...they don't come often, but it's always great when family can support us." She looked eager and happy, but the look in her eyes could not mask her own disappointment. She had no family other than her mother, but even that was painful. She and her mother only talked on rare occasions and they hadn't seen each other in two years.

"That's great...I'll be back after my call, okay?" Drea smiled once again and left the office. As she walked down the hall, she began to sing softly to herself,

"Oh I believe in you...I believe in you..."

Connie walked down the hall and entered the family room through the large archway. She noticed a small woman, likely ages with Drea standing at the large window with her back to the room. Connie stood in the middle of the room and said,

"Hello, I'm Connie...Drea had to take a call, she'll be with us shortly." She waited for a reply. The woman turned to her and Connie's eyes widened in joyful recognition.

'Hi, honey...." The woman stood facing Connie, her eyes filled with tears.

"Mommy? MOMMY!" Connie said simply over and over as she hugged the woman...her mother. They embraced for minutes, both crying.

"Oh...honey...aaa....CConnnie. I'mm...sooo...sorreeee." Her mother nearly collapsed in her arms, saying over and over "I'm so sorry." Connie led her over to a couch and they sat down. Both women continued crying and Connie stroked her mother's hair. She buried her face in her mother's shoulder as they continued to weep.

"It's okay, Mom...it's okay." Connie continued to stroke her mother's hair. After a few minutes they broke their embrace, but only far enough to look into each other's eyes.

"David....I'm so sorry....Connie....I was so wrong...I never knew...I'm so sad...please forgive me?"

"It's over Mom...it's past...I love you so much, Mom. I forgive you...can you forgive me? I was so angry...I said some things I shouldn't have...You didn't deserve that...you didn't and I am so sorry!" Connie buried her face in her mother's breast and wept, more out of relief and joy than sadness, but she was still sad.

"You have nothing to be sorry for...I am your mother and I treated you like a stranger...we both said things we shouldn't have...I forgive you" They embraced and continued to cry for several minutes, almost to the point of exhaustion, but surgery will do that to you. Years of bitterness and hate were cut away by the scalpel of forgiveness.

Drea hung up the phone and found Irene at her doorway once again.

“How’d she take it?” Irene asked, as she took a bite of an apple.

“Not a dry eye in the house. I’m glad you were able to talk to Connie’s mom. Cathilynn had been trying to get a hold of her and she wasn’t answering her calls.”

“Oh, I don’t want to take any credit…it’s not too hard to find someone at home if you call them at midnight,” Irene laughed.

“Some good news. Cathilynn was over to Sam’s to sign some custody papers. Carolyn comes here tomorrow afternoon…Good work, yourself.” Irene smiled. It wasn’t often that girls arrived at the home under good circumstances.

“It’s easy when the foster parents contact us,” Drea said, sipping a mug of coffee.

“They don’t have the resources, and this really works out well for everybody. It frees up some room for another child at home and they’re going to stay involved all through and past Carolyn’s transition. She started her RLT last fall, and her stay here will also work toward her internship for her undergrad degree; she’ll be working with me and Janet at the hospice as well as any other help the home might need. Great to have more help…I didn’t expect to have the program up and running, and it’s been a real challenge.”

“Laurie doesn’t have much time, does she?” Irene dropped the apple core into the trash and choked back some tears. “She’s such a precious girl…it’s too bad her family doesn’t want to see her through these last days….It’s just not fair.” Irene lost the battle and began to cry. Drea got up from her desk and hugged Irene.

“That’s why the home is so important, honey, and why we’re all glad to be of help. I’m going to drop in and see how she’s doing, and I’m not looking forward to it at all. I think I need a hug as well.” Drea said as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

Laurie lay in bed. Her body was shutting down faster than any measure they tried, and it wasn’t going to be long…hours at best. Nikki sat beside her, holding her hand. Nikki was only a few steps behind Laurie, as some might say, but you couldn’t have known it from looking at her. She stroked Laurie’s hair as she cooed a lullaby to the dying girl. Laurie clutched a teddy bear…an antique Steif, with brown fur and cream colored muzzle. The teddy bear sported a bow tie, red, and a cream colored vest as well.

Laurie peered through nearly sightless eyes and whispered softly,

“Sissy…sissy..are you there?” Sissy was her pet name for Nikki.

“I’m here honey…I’m holding your hand.”

“Sing it again…would you?” Nikki looked at Laurie and the tears came like a river, flowing down her face in a torrent of grief and sadness, but her voice was clear and happy.

“Why do you weep? What are these tears upon your face? Soon you will see all of your fears will pass away; safe in my arms…you're only sleeping.” Nikki’s song turned to sobs as she sang, and she put her head down and rested it next to Laurie’s face and kissed her gently on the cheek.

“Sissy..Are you there…” Laurie whispered once again. “Kiss me again, Sissy and then I think I’ll take a rest…I’m so tired…okay?’

“Sure, honey” Nikki said as Drea and Janet moved next to the bed. Drea put her hand on Nikki’s shoulder. She leaned over and kissed Nikki on the top of the head as the soft sounds of Nikki’s sweet song were interrupted by the loud monotone of the monitor. It was over. Janet checked Laurie’s pulse and looked at Drea and shook her head. She mouthed “4:17 pm” silently and reached over and closed Laurie’s eyes for the last time.

“That was such a blessing, honey.” Janet said to Nikki as she wept. She lifted her head off of Laurie’s arm. It was a sweet moment of misunderstanding as Nikki said,

“Oh, yes…” She wiped her face with her sleeve and said,

“I can’t imagine anything more special than to be with her at the end…Thank you for letting me help.” Janet had meant that Nikki’s song had been a special moment, likely one of the happiest times in Laurie’s all-too-brief life, but really…it was so important and precious for Nikki as well, being a part of the moment; feeling useful and special herself after years of waste and neglect in her own life.

“Yes, honey, it was very special and I’m so glad you were here to be with her. You were her best friend ever, and I know that when she reaches heaven she’ll remember that you helped her.” Drea wiped her own tears and kissed Nikki on the cheek before leaving the room. As she stepped into the hall, she saw Sandra leaning against the wall, covering her face with her hand.

“It never gets easier, does it, sweetheart,” Drea said as she pulled Sandra in for a hug. “And you’ve seen so many come and go…” Drea kissed Sandra’s cheek as the woman wept in her arms.

“I saw what you did…” Drea said as she choked back her own tears.

“What do you mean?” Sandra really didn’t have any idea what Drea was talking about.

“The teddy bear.” Drea smiled and looked back into the room where Laurie lay.

“She mentioned it the first day she came…when she was little…the teddy bear her Uncle Danny gave her…the only one who listened to her…the only one who ever cared for the girl. You got the bear for her. I bet he cost a fortune.” Drea smiled.

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about….” Sandra pulled back abruptly and straightened up, but she couldn’t change the look on her face, no matter how hard she tried to deny it.

“Don’t worry,” Drea said, “It will be our secret, hon.” She touched Sandra’s arm and winked with a smile.

____________________________________________

Drea sat at the table in the dining room, drinking her fourth cup of coffee for the day. The clock over the buffet read 8:35, and it had been likely one of the longest days of her life, save for the day her sweetheart passed. She closed her eyes and remembered the peace she felt and how this day was no different. Her faith had seen her through some rough patches, and would continue to bring her solace and comfort for days like this one as well.

“I’m beat,” a voice came from behind her in the archway to the hall. She turned and saw Janet standing there, leaning against the archway and looking very tired.

“I’m awfully glad this arch is here, otherwise I think I’d fall over.” She laughed and sat down across from Drea at the table.

“Do you have a few minutes to talk?” Janet asked, as she grabbed a Poland Spring out of the bowl on the table. Opening the bottle, she took a short sip and smiled weakly.

Drea looked at her and worried that she wanted to talk about Laurie. She had been up since four thirty that morning. Hyper-vigilance was one old friend that continued to visit her from time to time, a final but fading relic of her childhood. Janet looked at her and smiled, almost in an enigmatic way; a modern day Mona Lisa with a secret perhaps.

“I know you.” She said.

Drea thought to herself, “Oh no, not a New Age enlightenment moment. Her brief thought was quickly interrupted.

“You really don’t know, do you?” She smiled and laughed. “Well, it has been over forty years; I’d be surprised if you did.” She smiled again and continued.

“Makes me think that all that money I paid to have this work done has finally paid off.” Drea looked at her and wondered where the conversation was going.

“You know my name, right?”

“Yes, of course, Janet McGuire. What of it.”

“Doesn’t it sound familiar? I know you’ve heard it before…at least the last name.”

“McGuire…sure, plenty of times. It was my first wife’s last name. Are you related to her?” Drea was caught between being intrigued and fearful of the answer.

“And your last name is?” This was almost to the point of being annoying.

“DiMaggio. Janet, I’m pretty good at Trivial Pursuit and Jeopardy, but I’ve never been really good at guessing games.”

“You told us your story the first night you came to volunteer…You’d been married, widowed. You’ve got a daughter Angie who lives with her husband and two boys in Darby not too far from here.”

“Janet…get to the point. I love you like a sister, sweetie, but I’ve been up since I don’t know when, okay?”

“You told us your first marriage broke up before you met Annie, right? And that your first wife’s name was Antoinette? Toni? Toni McGuire?”

Drea was surprised that Janet had remembered so many details of her story after hearing it only the one time. She was about to say, “And?” when Janet said,

“Toni is my sister.” Janet smiled the Mona Lisa smile once again, prompting a puzzled look followed by a very confused look.

“She lives in town. I told her all about you and she wants to see you.” Another enigmatic smile, which finally evoked,

“Andy…It’s me.”

Drea was floored. Toni was her first love…childhood sweethearts…Saddest part of her life…saddest behavior followed by an even sadder divorce. She never kept in touch after a brief reconciliation of sorts after Toni remarried and before she met Annie. But the real kicker came next.

“And Toni…I know what you’re thinking….She misses you…she asks about you all the time, and she wants to see you.” Janet smiled once again and started to laugh.

“Drea, honey…I know it’s been a long time, but I know you remember…Toni didn’t have a sister. Sweetie…It’s me….Kenny.”

Second Chances by Trisha Yearwood

Sometime in the future:

Dear Reader: I was delighted to find that this writer account was still open after all these years. I wanted to write this story to tell you something about my family. I haven’t much experience with writing, so please bear with me, okay? I hope this blesses you. Sincerely, Angelina Abruzzi

---

 
Last time:
Drea was surprised that Janet had remembered so many details of her story after hearing it only the one time. She was about to say, “And?” when Janet said,

“Toni is my sister.” Janet smiled the Mona Lisa smile once again, prompting a puzzled look followed by a very confused look.

“She lives in town. I told her all about you and she wants to see you.” Another enigmatic smile, which finally evoked,

“Andy…It’s me.”

Drea was floored. Toni was her first love…childhood sweethearts…Saddest part of her life…saddest behavior followed by an even sadder divorce. She never kept in touch after a brief reconciliation of sorts after Toni remarried and before she met Annie. But the real kicker came next.

“And Toni…I know what you’re thinking….She misses you…she asks about you all the time, and she wants to see you.” Janet smiled once again and started to laugh.

“Drea, honey…I know it’s been a long time, but I know you remember…Toni didn’t have a sister. Sweetie…It’s me….Kenny.”

"Kenny?" Drea looked into Janet's eyes with a flash of recognition clouded slightly by nearly forty years of separation.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Janet said as she waved her hand across her body in a broad gesture of display.

"1985, Canada...Montreal." Janet said while continuing to grin.

"That was the year Toni and I split up..." Drea said trailing off. She bit her lip and looked away." She felt Janet's hand pat her wrist.

"It's okay honey," Janet said as Kenny disappeared, so to speak. "She wants to see you."

"I don't know," Drea said. "After all these years? It was a lifetime ago." Drea put her hand to her face and wiped a piece of "sleep" out of her eye, aided by the beginnings of tears.

"And a whole other life ago, too, Sweetie." It felt odd for Drea, who only moments ago sat across the table from her former brother-in-law. But now, Janet once again was her understanding colleague and, more importantly, her sister.

"Here's her number," Janet said, sliding a piece of paper across the table.

"Go ahead...for old time's sake." Janet said, smiling.

"For old time's sake," Drea thought as she remembered another time and another place.

_______________________________________________
Daddy stood next to his lawyer and looked over at his soon to be ex-wife. He was beyond his anger, but had still hoped to persuade Toni to drop the divorce proceedings and reconcile. All of his attempts at reconciliation had been rebuffed, but really he shouldn’t have been too surprised. They had been separated for nearly two years with virtually no contact.

“If there is no other matter before the court?” The judge looked down from the bench.

“No, your honor,” the attorney said as he snapped his briefcase closed. His counterpart at the other table just shook her head no.

“This court is adjourned.” The judge said, rapping his gavel.

As everyone filed out, Daddy walked over to Toni and put his hand on her arm.

“I am so sorry,” he said, expecting her to pull her arm away. She looked in his eyes and he could see she had been crying.

“I’m sorry, too, Andy,” she said quietly. She kissed him softly on the cheek and said,

“Have a good, life, Andy. I mean that.” Toni touched his arm lightly before walking over to her fiancée, who held her coat. He looked at Andy and smiled warmly. He watched her walk away for the last time, ever.

A few days later found Drea at her desk in her office, head back against the bookshelf behind her, lost in thought.

"Drea...." a soft voice interrupted Drea's thoughts.

"It's Nikki, honey...she's...she's calling for you two." Drea looked up to see Cathilynn standing at the doorway. The clock said 10:30 sharp but it had been a long morning already. She had been napping for nearly an hour after rising at 5:07am. She went to stand up but noticed Janet wasn't moving.

"Honey...I can't...not this time." Janet sat at the chair next to Drea's desk. Tears streamed down her face as she sat almost paralyzed.

"Janet...You owe it to her to be there...and more importantly, you owe it to yourself." Drea had anticipated Janet's reluctance, but her words still sounded more like a rebuke.

"I'm sorry, honey..." Drea's tone softened. She walked around the desk and put her hands on Janet's shoulders, hugging her.

"You know you'll never forgive yourself if you don't." Drea said, this time almost as a plea.

"She's not like the others..." Janet immediately felt guilty. She tried to look away, but her head was between Drea's arms. She thought of Laurie's death only days before.

"Nikki...Oh, Drea, I can't say goodbye...I just can't...she's...." Tears filled Janet's eyes as she lifted her head and looked at Cathilynn, who waited patiently at the doorway. She understood Janet's reluctance, but said,

"Honey, I know, but that's why it's so important for both of you. Come on, it's going to be alright."

Janet loved the girl...like family. Apart from her sister Toni, Janet had no one. A series of relationships after her surgery...boyfriends, girlfriends, brought disappointment.

She discovered that the surgery had changed nothing inside. Expecting a brand new life, she was plagued with frustration as she discovered she was still the same person. The same person her mother accepted, but also same person whose father rejected her before he died; the same person who loved a boy who never would love her.

After years of therapy, she had decided to move on. Seeking fulfillment in serving, she discovered the Home that Love Built. A refuge for girls like her...her refuge came in being a part of the blessing the home had become.

She was warm and friendly, but remained guarded, not wanting to let anyone in. Never to be a father; that life had been over for years. But never a mother, either, until Nikki arrived.

Drea and Janet stood next to Nikki’s bed; it seemed they arrived not a moment too soon.

"Janet...I'm so tired...and it hurts." Nikki said weakly, struggling to lift her head of the pillow.

"Just rest easy, honey...you're going to be okay." Janet said as she stroked the girl’s hair.

"I know I'm dying, Janet. You don't have to pretend...I need to say goodbye." The girl lifted her head off the pillow and looked around the room until she saw a familiar face.

“Cathi…hug?” Tears cascaded down Cathilynn’s face. Too many girls had been hurt or discarded; too many hearts she’d allowed into her own. But Nikki was special…alive…and filled with joy.

“I love you so much, sweetheart,” Cathilynn said as she hugged the girl. Backing away she covered her face with her hands and wept on Drea’s shoulder. The girl once again sought another loved one.

“Sandra…Sandy?” Sandra would correct the girl daily. It became a playful tease between the two of them… Sandra choked back her tears and walked to the bed. She put her hand in Nikki’s.

“That’s Sandra,” she’d say, and Nikki would always reply, “Yes, Ma’am.” Sandra thought as the girl pulled her close and whispered with a raspy voice.

“Make sure Lisa gets Laurie’s teddy bear, okay? And tell her I’ll be waiting for her.” Nikki smiled weakly at Sandra, who was not going to tell the girl that Lisa would be waiting in heaven for her, having passed at 5:03 that morning. Nikki pulled Sandra in for a kiss on the cheek.

“Okay, honey,” Sandra said. She turned away in a vain effort to stop her tears.

“Drea?” Nikki called out weakly…It was almost time.

“Yes, honey, here I am.” Drea wiped her face with her sweater sleeve and stepped close to the bed.

“You take care of Janet for me, okay?” Nikki had very little time left. Her eyes betrayed her tearless weeping as she struggled to speak.

“Come here, ‘kay?” Her voice was almost a raspy whisper. Drea put her ear to the girl’s lips.

“Go for it….be happy.” Drea choked back a sob and put her hand to her mouth.

“I will, honey, I will. Oh God I love you so much.”

“I know you don’t want to cry,” the girl whispered. “It’s okay…these are good tears…trust me, I’m going….to….be….alright….Kiss Irene for me…and tell her thanks.” (Irene was on her way back from New York City with a fourteen year old girl whose parents had abused repeatedly until Social Services intervened.) Irene had found Nikki’s cousin after a long search. They spoke on the phone the day before…for the first time and sadly only time. It was a touching moment that brought joy to the girl who’d brought joy to everyone at the home since her arrival.

“Janet…kiss? Like Momma, okay?” The girl struggled to raise her head, but had almost no strength left.

“Pucker up, baby girl.” Janet almost sobbed, but kept control. Nikki’s mother would tuck her in at night with a kiss on the lips.

“Kisses…” Nikki’s voice trailed off until she whispered, “Momma….Momma.” Janet looked at her.

“It’s almost time,” Janet thought. “She’s hallucinating…Oh, God.” Her thoughts were interrupted by a tug on her sleeve.

“Janet…Momma Janet.” Nikki looked up with almost sightless eyes.

“I know it’s you…I know it’s time,” Nikki said with a faint smile.

“I love you, Janet.” A moment passed as the girl squeezed Janet’s hand. The girl's hand fell back to the bed…

Janet turned and fell into Drea’s arms and wept. Her body convulsed in sheer grief. For her father’s hatred; for the loss of her own mother. Her struggles…But nothing was as sad as gaining a beautiful daughter….She was a modern-day Rachael…She had prayed to God, almost as a mantra,

“Please give me a child….”

Some might have felt that fate…or Someone had dealt Janet a cruel and teasing blow; gaining a daughter only to lose her? But Janet felt more blessed at that moment than at any other time in her life… and she wept.

As Drea held the woman in her arms, she thought of what Nikki had said, and she sobbed into her friend’s shoulder, receiving as well as giving comfort.

“Go for it…” the girl had said in her final moments. “Go for it.”

Connie was going over the paperwork for the audit scheduled on Thursday when a tall man knocked softly on the open door to the office. He wore a uniform that indicated he worked for the phone company.

“Excuse me, Miss, but can you direct me to the men’s room?” he said with a decidedly Southern accent and smiled.

“Sure...straight down the hall...” Connie paused. She had to think about which door it was.

“Third door on the left...I think.” She looked away, embarrassed needlessly. Having never used the men’s room...at least two years at last look...she had no real idea, and guessed.

“Thanks,” the man said as he exited hastily and hurried down the hallway. Two things struck Connie as she thought about the exchange. First, she realized her eyes had remained glued to his rear as he exited the office, which evoked even more embarrassment, once again needlessly. And second, she realized as she spoke her thought aloud,

“That’s the first time anyone has ever called me Miss.” This time she grew very red and covered her face with her hand.

A few minutes later she was deep in thought about an entry in the record on her laptop when another knock at the door interrupted her.

“Pardon me, Miss.” The young man stood at the door again. He smiled and continued.

“Is this the place where....where transsexuals come?” He said but with his drawl, the word came out more like, transectials, sounding like an Algebra term. Connie looked back at her laptop and hid her frown.

“Oh, god, not one of those,” she thought to herself. “I can handle this...It’s okay,” she thought again.

“Yes, this is the place.” She said, to which the man replied,

“I’m sorry...is this where girls who used to be boys come to stay?” He went on.

Connie again turned away, and her smile had turned this time to a frown. She turned back, hoping that her attempt to be cordial had spread to her face, but she was afraid her frustration was displayed instead.

“Yes...boys and men who have come to realize that they are actually women, and that they can find a refuge here.” It came out almost like the brochure, but no brochure could have matched the iciness of her tone.

“I mean...my church...” he began, but she cut him off.

“Yes, what about your church?” This was too much. He was probably one of those...those…folks she’d dealt with in the past. Old hurts rose quickly to the surface as she glared at the young man.

“Well, that’s good to know,” he said with an odd smile. “We’ve been lookin’ for opportunities to volunteer, and I see that your lawn outside is a might overgrown.” The old Toro riding mower had broken down, and it was at the shop for repair.

“Gary and I...Gary’s my cousin...Gary and I have a mowing service on the side. We’d be happy to come and mow the lawn for you ladies.” He smiled once again.

“Is this guy kidding?” she wondered. I just told him who stays here and he uses the word ‘ladies?’”

“We can come by late tomorrow, if that’s okay?” He smiled again, which caused Connie to grow less anxious, but still somewhat cautious.

“Shh...Sure, that will be fine.” Connie looked at him and grew immediately disappointed. If it weren’t for the fact that he was…well, she’d really love to get to know him.

“Okay,” the young man said as he began to back out the door.

Connie returned her attention to her laptop. She had just entered another screen when a familiar voice interrupted her a third time.

“Excuse me, Miss?” The young man stood at the doorway again.

“Yes,” she snapped impatiently. The young man paid no heed to her tone as he walked slowly up to her desk and simply said,

“Do you have any literature?” he asked. It sounded more like “literchur” causing Connie to roll her eyes. She grabbed a stack of brochures from the credenza behind her desk and handed them to him abruptly.

“Here you are,” she said finally. The young man smiled again, this time looking right into her eyes. His eyes, she noted, were almost a baby blue. His face was rugged but welcoming and she found herself staring. The young man finally spoke.

“Thank you. This means the world to me. My baby brother...sorry, my baby sister is almost sixteen and she’s really havin’ a hard time at school. Things have been rough on her since we moved here for my job. Is there anyone here who could talk to her about what she’s goin’ through?”

Connie turned away, feeling more embarrassed and not just a little ashamed. She took a breath and composed herself. Turning back, she saw the young man was still standing in front of her desk, with those big baby blues looking right into her eyes.

“Oh, yes. She can call the number on the back,” Connie pointed to the brochures in the man’s hands.

“Thanks again, Miss.” He turned to walk out but stopped at the door. Turning back once again, he said,

“Excuse me, Miss Bevaqua, would you be free for lunch?” Connie was surprised and she just said,

“Okay, I don’t know what you’re trying to pull. First, you come in here asking all sorts of questions...” She blew out a breath as the young man hung his head. Second, you’ve got to know that we only have “transectials” working here!”

She made a point of imitating his accent.

"Third, just how did you know my name; I never told you.” She folded her arms in a “go ahead, entertain me” pose, waiting for his reply.

He took a few steps closer to the desk and smiled once again.

“Well, Miss Bevaqua,” He made a point to say her name.

“I asked questions because where I come from it’s the best way to get information. Second, I already knew that you…well, like I said…my baby sister?” He smiled again and laughed softly.

Connie grew quiet, wishing there were a secret door behind her desk so she could exit the office. She looked at him once again and he said, pointing to her desk,

“I believe your nameplate says it all, Connie Bevaqua. Senior Accountant”

His smile grew broader and his laugh deeper. Connie had already shown just how red she could get...or so she thought, as she felt a very warm feeling in her cheeks.

“I am so sorry…I’m so used to people…well, you know.” She looked at him and he nodded with an understanding smile.

“Please forgive me. Have your sister call me directly, okay? Here’s my card,” Connie said, but she looked slightly down at her desk instead of him.

“So, Miss Connie Bevaqua, Senior Accountant,” he grinned once again and continued, “the offer still stands, that is if you’re allowed to date fellas like me...you know, guys that don’t mind datin’ transectials” He laughed once again and finished with,

“Oh, and my name is Eddie...Eddie Sprague. Pleased to meet you, Miss Connie Bevaqua, Senior Accountant.”

Connie sat stunned. She waited as Eddie stood in front of her desk. Finally, she offered her hand in greeting with a puzzled look.

“Hello, Eddie...I’m...pleased to meet you as well. Yes, I would love to have lunch with you sometime.” She smiled as he started to walk away. He stopped and turned.

“Oh, and Miss Bevaqua?” Eddie smiled once again.

“Yes?”

“Where I come from a gentleman never offers his hand to a pretty lady until she extends hers.” He smiled and started to walk out before turning one last time.

“I’ll be back at 12:30, okay?” He smiled and turned and was out the door before she could answer.

Connie felt the warmth leave her face as she stared at the vacant doorway for several seconds before two very important things came to her. First, this was the first real date since her transition, which was hard enough to grasp. The second realization came in the form of a statement that left her lips before she knew she was speaking.

“He said I was a lady…a pretty lady…” Characteristically, her face reddened one last time before she realized she was crying.

Drea nervously punched the number into her cell and pressed “call.” After a few moments the characteristic click came, followed by a voice that hearkened back decades, and into another life.

“Hello? Toni McGuire.”

The voice was as pleasant and melodic as Drea thought she remembered, completely unlike the actual tone from their last conversation.

“I’m sorry, Andy, but that’s the way it has to be.”

Daddy had called Toni in a last ditch effort to dissuade her from marrying Anthony Calabrese. Anthony had been Toni’s boyfriend before she met Daddy after breaking up with Anthony.

“He’s no good, Toni….you know that. Don’t make the same mistake with him…that you made with me.” Daddy’s voice trailed off as Toni said the last words he thought he’d ever here from her.

“I have to find myself, Andy.” She said quietly. “You don’t know Tony now…he’s changed.” Daddy told me she sounded like she wanted to convince herself as much as him.

“Have a great life, Andy.”

The phone went dead as Daddy stared off. He felt hopeless, but then he didn’t yet know what life had in store for him with Mommy. He just gave up hope…forever he thought.

_______________________________________________________
“Toni…it’s me, Andy.” Drea said it quietly, like she wanted her to here the difference. Decades apart fell away almost meaninglessly as Toni replied,

“Andy? I’m so glad you called. I was afraid you….that you wouldn’t want to talk to me after all these years.” Her voice, while not as melodic as Drea remembered, still sounded as sweet as she hoped.

“Janet told me you were volunteering at the home. This is so…it’s such a blessing after all these years.” She sounded excited, more than Drea had imagined.

“It is a blessing, Toni,” Drea said, feeling more than a bit awkward.

“Why don’t you come by with Janet tomorrow for dinner, for old time’s sake.” Toni almost sounded as if she was smiling.

“Oh….okay. th…that would be nice. I don’t have much to wear…I’ve…well, Janet must have told you?”

Drea looked down at herself. The rust-colored corduroy skirt and jean jacket might look fine for the Home, but not for dinner with her ex. Toni interrupted him with a soft laugh.

“Andy…I know who you are…and who you’ve become. I’m sure anything you choose from your wardrobe will be just fine.” She chortled. Drea hadn’t heard her laugh for forever.

“And Andy…just one favor?” Toni got very quiet and serious-sounding. Drea expected the worst until she heard Toni laugh once more.

“I’ll be wearing earth tones, so wear something in a soft green so we blend, okay?” She laughed once again and said finally,

“If it makes it any easier for you, I can just call you Andy with an “I” instead of a “y,” okay? See you tomorrow.” Drea closed the phone and smiled through the tears and thought,

“For old times’ sake…” She blinked back tears and remembered Nikki’s last words once again,

“Go for it.”
 
Second Chances by Trisha Yearwood

Finally — To Hope Again: A Lovely Afternoon

Sometime in the future:

Dear Reader: I was delighted to find that this writer account was still open after all these years. I wanted to write this story to tell you something about my family. I haven’t much experience with writing, so please bear with me, okay? I hope this blesses you. Sincerely, Angelina Abruzzi

---

 
Last time:
“Andy? I’m so glad you called. I was afraid you….that you wouldn’t want to talk to me after all these years.” Her voice, while not as melodic as Drea remembered, still sounded as sweet as she hoped.

“Janet told me you were volunteering at the home. This is so…it’s such a blessing after all these years.” She sounded excited, more than Drea had imagined.

“It is a blessing, Toni,” Drea said, feeling more than a bit awkward.

“Why don’t you come by with Janet tomorrow for dinner, for old time’s sake.” Toni almost sounded as if she was smiling.

“Oh….okay. th…that would be nice. I don’t have much to wear…I’ve…well, Janet must have told you?”

Drea looked down at herself. The rust-colored corduroy skirt and jean jacket might look fine for the Home, but not for dinner with her ex. Toni interrupted him with a soft laugh.

“Andy…I know who you are…and who you’ve become. I’m sure anything you choose from your wardrobe will be just fine.” She chortled. Drea hadn’t heard her laugh for forever.

“And Andy…just one favor?” Toni got very quiet and serious-sounding. Drea expected the worst until she heard Toni laugh once more.

“I’ll be wearing earth tones, so wear something in a soft green so we blend, okay?” She laughed once again and said finally,

“If it makes it any easier for you, I can just call you Andy with an “I” instead of a “y,” okay? See you tomorrow.” Drea closed the phone and smiled through the tears and thought,

“For old times’ sake…” She blinked back tears and remembered Nikki’s last words once again,

“Go for it.”

Drea looked in the mirror. While she wasn't entirely displeased with what she saw, she nevertheless felt insecure about her appearance. She stared at her reflection, as if to prompt her image to move away from the mirror and accept what she saw.

"Soft green...hmmm, I hope this works." She looked at her dress, which was darker pastel green corduroy. She wore a brown leather belt and her boots, while low heel still were fairly stylish and blended well with her dress.

"She said she was wearing earth tones. I hope we don't clash," Drea said as she picked up and put on the long cocoa brown sweater coat.

"Not bad for seventy-one," she said to herself as she picked up her purse. It felt odd, even though she had been living as a woman nearly immediately after Annie's passing. Annie used to kid her...

"Sweetheart, you're so far back in the closet, you'll probably run into Mr. Tumnus and Lucy Pevensie if you don't watch where you're going," Mommy laughed. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe was my favorite book and they took turns reading it to me most nights when I was little.

"Come on, Andy...you've got to make up your mind." Mommy's tone sounded ominous until she continued,

"Forest Green or Chocolate brown. Make up your mind, 'cause whichever you don't pick, I want for myself." Mommy smiled at Daddy and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"I'm not so sure about this, sweetie." Daddy looked in the mirror nervously. He had been letting his hair grow since retirement, and it had reached well past his collar. Mommy walked behind him and wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

"You of all people should know that it's okay. You've been helping kids and their families with this for so long, you should be able to close your eyes and see yourself the way you are, honey." Mommy walked around and pulled Daddy's shirt closed and began to button it. She was wearing her favorite boots. The three inch heels would have seemed a bit much for someone in their "twilight" years, but Mommy looked great, and the heels placed her eye to eye with Daddy.

"Now pick..." She saw he was looking away, and she pulled his face back to hers with a gentle tug. He had tears in his eyes.

"You've got nothing to be ashamed of. I still love you...maybe even more than ever before. Either way, this is something we've talked and prayed about for a long time. And it's just a trip to Carmine's for a pizza and beer." She pulled Daddy's face to hers and kissed him.

"You're still my husband, even if you look almost as good in that skirt as I do; and I love you very much. Let's just go have some fun?”

"I'm afraid, Annie...really scared." Daddy said looking away again.

"None of that, sweetheart. If you want, you don't have to go, but I'm telling you it's okay. I don't mind at all, and part of me has been looking forward to this for a long time." Mommy grabbed both of his hands and faced him once again.

"You've been a great husband and a great father, but it's time we just looked at things the way they are." She kissed him again, this time with more passion, which caused his face to grow warm and dark.

"You're my best friend...we started out as best friends, and we'll finish as best friends, for as long as we live, no matter what else our relationship is." Mommy looked in Daddy's eyes and her own eyes were filling quickly with tears.

Mommy acted like the moment had taken her, and she was trying to put on a brave face to convince Daddy about his decision to live full time as a woman. She had something she had to tell him, but she wanted that night to be special... an adolescent rite of passage over fifty years in the making. She had decided that her secret could wait. Nothing would change what she had to say, and telling him now would only cast a pall on what she had planned would be one of the best evenings they ever had. She didn't tell him that night, or any other night for a while.

Drea looked once again in the mirror, trying to decide if things looked as bad as she thought. A knock came at the door. Janet stood on the front step. She was wearing a nice Navy blue dress, full skirt, with tights and black calf-length boots. She had worn a nice black leather fringed jacket, looking almost like she was going to a Faith Hill concert instead of dinner at her sister’s with her former…well now that was difficult, since everyone had changed since they knew each other the first time around. Janet smiled at Drea and said,

“If you walked up to me when we were kids and told me we’d be going to Toni’s dressed like this, I would have hit you with my wiffle ball bat.” Janet laughed. A lifetime ago, the three played wiffle ball in apartments across from their houses. Now, decades later, three women would be getting together for dinner and coffee; a far cry from who and what all of them had been.

“Give me a sec, I’ve got to do my lips, okay?” Having never had this conversation with her former brother-in-law, it felt odd, but was entirely fun.

“Now don’t let me rush you, okay, dear?” Janet was entirely feminine in her real life; she had been since she was a little boy looking up to her older sister Toni. That night, she was acting almost “overly” feminine; really to tease Drea, who felt awkward enough meeting her ex-wife after years of separation.

“This is difficult enough as it is…would you please stop?” Drea laughed despite her efforts to remain serious. “Say, how is Candace working out? Cathilynn said that she’s been very eager to please and that she wants to help at the hospice.

“I’m actually worried about her. She seems too eager to please. Not that helping is wrong.” Janet pursed her lips in thought and continued.

“It’s almost as if she’d doing everything she thinks we want her to do.” Janet blew out a breath in frustration.

“Don’t get me wrong. With three girls going almost back-to-back, it’s been hard just keeping up with everything, and God knows we could use the help.”

“You think she’s volunteering just because she thinks that we want her to?” Drea asked as she walked in the living room once again.

“More than that…like she feels compelled to…like she doesn’t have a choice.” Janet looked down and away from Drea.

“Like how I was when I was her age.” Janet didn’t speak much of it, but she had been abused by a male cousin when she was twelve. She remembered the eager to please persona that she had adopted to cope.

“You think someone molested her, don’t you?” Drea shook her head, not in disagreement, but in disappointment that one more girl would be coming to the Home with a history that went beyond the already horrible pain of rejection.

“I’d bet my life on it.” Janet said almost in anger. She took a calming breath and went on.

“Somebody close…authority figure, maybe her father, maybe someone at her school.” Janet looked at Drea as if seeking help solving a psychic crossword puzzle.

“Well, I know you’ll tread easy…I already hear the concern in your voice.” Drea blinked back a few tears.

“Sweetie…she looks an awful lot like Nikki…be careful. Okay?” Drea had known Janet since they were kids, when Kenny and Toni and Andy all played in the neighborhood. She could see her friend hadn’t changed much inside since childhood, and still wore her heart on her sleeve. But what Janet saw as a weakness and a drawback, Drea saw as a supreme blessing to everyone she knew.

Janet said nothing, prompting Drea to say again,

“Okay, honey?’ Janet would find a way to reach the girl, even if it was to her own detriment.

"Are you sure you don't want any desert? Here, honey, let me fix something for you,” Toni said as she poured a cup of coffee for Drea.

"I've got to get back. I haven't finished all the paperwork for...today...." Janet's voice trailed off as Toni walked around the table to hug her sister.

"I want you to come over tomorrow, okay?" Toni kissed Janet as her sister put on her jacket. Janet waved at Drea and said,

"Stop by my room when you can, sweetie?" Drea felt awkward at the word "sweetie." Janet had been calling her that since Drea had first started volunteering, but the context seemed odd now that Drea knew that Janet at one time had been her former brother in law. As "sensitive" as Kenny had been, the word "sweetie" would never have left his lips.

“Promise me you’ll be here tomorrow, honey,” Toni said once again as she kissed Janet on the cheek.” Drea couldn’t help but notice how different Janet had become, even in the few weeks they had known each other. She had come to develop a new-found pride in her connection with Janet, even if it were partly through Drea’s relationship with her ex wife.

“I swear…I’ll be here tomorrow…okay...satisfied?” There were times that Janet almost felt that in the shifting of roles and personae for everybody over the years, Toni had become more like her mother than her sister.

“I’ll even bring the cheesecake…we can do the McGuire sister’s version of Golden Girls. Sophia.” Toni laughed as she watched Janet walk to her car.

“Now where were we?” Toni said as Drea sipped her coffee. She felt her heart pounding in her ears, and she had bit hard enough on her lip to hurt.

“We need to talk.” Toni said as she sat down at the table across from Drea. “Okay?”

Janet walked through the entrance way to the home and stood at the archway into the main family room. The lights were off, but she noticed a figure sitting in the dark.

“Candace? Is that you? It’s so late.” Janet wanted to see the girl, so she turned the dimmer switch for the light slowly until she could see her more clearly. She had tears in her eyes.

“Honey…what’s wrong? Is there anything I can do?” Janet smiled and stepped into the room

“NO…I just want to be alone.” Candace snapped. Janet looked at the girl and thought,

“Oh. Oh. Maybe the real Candace has arrived.” She stepped closer, which was met by Candace pulling her legs up and sitting in a fetal position on the couch.

“Say…you don’t have to talk…I have to finish some paperwork. You can come sit with me…I’ll put on some music and we can have tea while I work, okay?”

“Look…I know you mean well, but I just want to be alone, okay? Is that too much to ask?” Candace turned her face to the wall. Candace’s New York/Ponce accent seemed to grow more intense.

“Alright…whatever you want,” Janet said, “You can do whatever you choose. You’re a big girl…”

“Look,” Candace said loudly, “Just leave me the fuck alone.” Janet had struck a nerve; a very raw one at that. Remembering her conversation with Drea earlier, she wondered just what was going on.

“What the fuck are you still here for? Just go away and leave me alone.” Candace was trying hard not to cry, but the tears came like a mountain stream after a thaw.

“Look...you can be by yourself, I won’t bother you…I thought you’d want company, but I was wrong…I’m not here to tell you what to do…You’re a big girl…”

“Don’t fucking say that…just shut the fuck up!’ Candace buried her face in the bolster of the couch and began to sob.

“Son of a bitch,” Janet thought to herself. “She can’t sleep…she stays awake until she can’t help but crash…mood swings…Oh God!” Janet put her hand to her mouth to stifle her own angry sob. She bit her tongue, afraid and almost ashamed at what she was about to do, but the girl was on the verge of opening up, and Janet was damned if she’d lose.

“Oh, come on…don’t be such a baby,” Janet said, cringing even as the words left her lips.

“You’re a big girl…you can take it.” Her words were interrupted as Candace picked up a figurine from the end table and threw it across the room. It hit just above Janet’s head and shattered against the wall.

“Is that the best you can do? “ Janet was glad the room was dim; she didn’t want Candace to see the tears in her eyes. Janet stepped closer to the crying girl.

“Shut up…will you please shut the fuck up?” Candace stood up and started to walk toward the doorway. Janet stood in front of her, almost daring her to get past. She bit her tongue once again and said,

“Don’t be a baby, Candace…don’t you want to be a big girl?” Janet put her hands at her side in a submissive pose, waiting for the inevitable, if she knew the girl like she thought she did. A moment later her expectations were sadly met.

“I told you not to say that…I’m not a big girl…shut up…I hate you…shut up.” Candace began pounding on Janet’s shoulders. Janet grabbed her in a bear hug around her shoulders, keeping the girl from flailing.

“You’re a big girl, Candace everyone can see that.” By now Janet almost hated herself, but she knew the girl was about to have a break through.

“I bet your family thinks you’re a big girl.” The girl tensed up and began to yell.

“I’m not a big girl…I don’t want to be a big girl…I hate you….I hate her.”

“Who do you hate? Why don’t you want to be a big girl?” Janet held her tight, and the girl began to sob.

“Do I have to fucking spell it out? Okay, fuck….Mommy…was….sick….Daddy needed me…”

“What did she do?” Janet was weeping silently at what she knew the girl would say.”

“Come be a good girl…Be a big girl and help Daddy….Oh fuck…oh fuck….NOOOO!” She began to wail and collapsed in Janet’s arms. Sandra came running down the hall. Too many times this scene had been played out at the home. Different girls and different staff but always the same story.

Janet looked over the girl’s shoulder and saw Sandra standing in the archway. She smiled and nodded and Sandra nodded back. She went to the entrance way and intercepted a few girls who were returning after a night out at the movies. Putting her finger to her lips, she pointed in the direction of the back of the home, urging the party to use the rear entrance.

“Honey…it’s okay...it’s going to be okay.” She relaxed her grip on the girl who fell down her body and onto the floor, weeping.

“She made me…Daddy …I hate her…I hate her…” The girl started to wail silently…crying so hard that no sound escaped her mouth. Janet dropped to the floor and hugged the girl.

“Shh….shhh…” Janet said, stroking the girl’s hair. “You’re safe, honey….it’s okay.”

“Please don’t make me go back…please…” the girl sobbed. And then she got sick right there. Janet wiped the girls face with her sleeve and rocked the girl in her arms.

“Shh….” Janet said as the girl grew calmer. She cooed softly in the girl’s ear,

"You’re safe, baby….I’m here.”

Irene was just finishing uploading some Harry Connick Jr. onto her computer.

"Why after all these years does he still go by "junior?" Irene thought when she looked up and spotted Connie leaning on her doorframe.

“So….how did it go?” Irene finished her apple and tossed the core in the trash, quickly followed by her empty diet coke can. She reached into her small fridge by her desk and grabbed another can. Holding it up as an offer, she quickly retrieved another can at Connie’s nod.

“It was okay.” Connie’s voice sounded like a verbal shrug. “I met Eddie’s family at the picnic. His aunt…very funny sense of humor…made me feel right at home.” Connie popped open the can and took a sip.”

“And?” Irene turned her head and glanced sideways as a non-verbal question.

“I met Nancy, Eddie’s sister. She is so sweet. She turns fifteen in two weeks.”

“How’s she doing?” Irene was aware of Nancy’s TG status and that she’d been having some trouble at school.

“Much better and she’s gotten support from the most unlikely source.” Connie smiled and took another sip of soda. “The after-school Bible club.” Connie added.

“The kids are really cool…the club is run by a girl from right here in town, and Nancy says they’ve just loved her and made her feel accepted. Go figure.” Connie shrugged, this time physically.

“And what about the family?” Irene asked.

“They support her completely. Her cousin Gary drives her to and from school every day…you know…he and Eddie have been doing the lawn work to help out here?” Connie smiled, but with little enthusiasm.

They don’t have the resources for her to begin her journey, so to speak.”

“I’ve got an answer for that.” Irene said with a big smile. “Cathilynn wants to keep this low key for now…she’s hoping to get help from some other sources, but for now, today, she’s started a fund, and we’ve talked about who’d be the ideal candidate.”

“What are you saying?” Connie knew that whatever it was Irene was referring to had to be good, but just what?

“Let’s just say that you can tell Nancy when you talk to her that she’s got a “full-ride scholarship to Transition University, okay? Now tell me more.” Connie contained her excitement and said,

“Gary’s sisters…Margot and Paulette, they’re about my age. They’ve taken her under their wings so to speak.” Connie smiled again.

“Okay…I get that…what about Eddie.” Irene looked at Connie with a mock scowl.

“He’s such a sweet guy…good looking…a little intense, but nice….” Connie’s voice trailed off.

“But?” Irene’s question came out much louder than she wanted. Connie looked away, almost embarrassed.

“Well…he’s just not my type.” She said softly, almost apologetically.

Irene started to laugh, prompting Connie’s face to grow warm. She sounded almost hurt.

“What’s so funny?” She said.

“In all the years I’ve been here? We’ve had so many girls here…and they’ve had relationships, you know?” Irene finished her diet coke and tossed the can in the trash.

“Nobody’s ever said that…they may have thought that, but you’re the first girl I’ve ever heard say that.”

Connie relaxed a bit and blew out a breath.

“I just remember when I first came here; Cathilynn reminded me that I don’t need to be anything for anyone but myself. Eddie just isn’t my type.” She seemed to frown, prompting Irene to say,

“I’m sorry, honey. You must be disappointed.” Irene smiled and grabbed Connie’s hand and patted it.

“That’s okay…” Connie started to smile. “Besides…I’ve got a date for dinner this Saturday. Le Ville in town.” Her grin widened as she giggled just a bit.

“Oh, honey…that’s great.” Irene said as she opened another diet coke. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Excusez-moi, mais le garçon est une jeune fille .” Connie said in her best French.

“Gee, Connie, I took Spanish in college, what did you just say.” Irene looked puzzled

“I said, ‘pardon me, but the boy is a girl.’” Connie laughed. “And her name is Paulette.”

Drea had gotten only about halfway to the home when she had to pull over. Her eyes were filled with tears, and she could hardly see the road.

“We’re different people now,” Toni had said. She wanted to renew her friendship with Drea, but just as friends.

“How foolish...how utterly stupid?” Drea said to herself as she tried in vain to staunch the flow of tears. She grabbed a jacket from the passenger seat and used it as a makeshift pillow.

“I’m so stupid.” She was overwhelmed with grief as hope died that night…or so she thought. She rested her head against the window and began to weep softly. A few moments later she awoke to the sensation of someone squeezing the back of her neck…a welcome and familiar feeling. She turned her head and found herself face to face with her wife Annie.

“Annie…?” Immediately followed by…”But you’re…”

“Dead? Yes, Andy…I’m not here. But you are. You’ve got to let go of the past and move on…” Annie leaned over and kissed Drea on the cheek. She looked at Annie and wondered until she heard,”

“You gotta go for it.” The youthful voice declared from the back seat. Drea turned and saw Nikki sitting there with her typical grin.

“Mrs. D is right. You gotta move forward…” She smiled at both of them and continued. “You were right, Drea. Mrs. D is just as nice as you said. We’ve made friends, and she and I and Laurie have been spending a lot of time since I…well you know.” Nikki smiled and patted Drea on the back.

Annie kissed Drea on the cheek...soft, airy...

“Honey…it’s okay…I’m fine…and I miss you, but you know we’ll see each other…you’ve got to move forward, Andy...you’ve got to…”

“Move forward.” A loud voice accompanied by a nightstick tapping the window.

“Excuse me, Ma’am,” said a young woman who stood next to the driver’s door, wearing a police uniform. “You’re blocking this driveway, and you need to move forward. Is there some problem? “

“Oh no, officer…just a very long day. I work at the Home that love Built. I’m a grief and hospice counselor and one of our girls died this morning. I just pulled over for a moment. I’ll be going now, if that’s okay?” Drea said, embarrassed.

“Sure thing, Ma’am….Go for it.” The officer said as she turned and walked back to her patrol car.

The pop of the champagne cork got everyone’s attention.

“Thank you all for coming and especially, I’d like to thank our friends at the Church of the Nazarene here in town for providing lunch. That is such a nice blessing, and thank you for your tireless efforts to make us feel at home here at our home.” Cathilynn smiled at the small crowd.

“I’d like to thank those of you who work here to make this place a haven of hope for those of us who have no home. I’m thrilled that we’ve been able to expand and add to bring even more help and hope to the lost and hopeless. It is with great pride that we dedicate the new addition to the home, and specifically today, our new hospice center. The Nikki Petersen Center.” Cathilynn choked up at the last sentence, but she had company among many within the small crowd.

Drea stood by Candace and Janet as the food was being laid out at the buffet tables for the luncheon. Candace stood next to Janet, her head leaning softly on Janet’s shoulder.

“It’s fitting that it’s named after her,” Janet said as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “Sandra designed the plaque, you know.” Janet pointed to the door to the clinic. The plaque read, “Nikki Petersen Hospice Center. Safe in My Arms, You’re Only Sleeping” with an etching of Nikki’s face and a teddy bear.

“How are you to getting along?” Drea asked. She looked at the girl’s face, and already knew the answer.

“Well, the custody papers are filed, and we should be official by tomorrow.” Janet smiled through her tears.

“You’ve always been a mom, Janet.” Drea smiled and kissed Janet on the cheek.

“This Chicken Parmesan is excellent. How did you ever manage to get this recipe?” Drea asked the woman standing next to the serving table. Nancy’s aunt, Maybelle Sprague, just smiled and laughed softly.

“It’s my grandmother’s recipe…she adds a little blackberry wine to the sauce.” She grinned again, somewhat enigmatically and laughed softly as Drea looked at her with an odd expression.

She leaned closer and whispered, “Sprague’s’ my married name….my late husband, god bless his soul, never could get used to being married to a Benedetto.” Drea looked oddly at her again.

“Mirabella Seraphina Bennedetto, my father was right off the boat from Sicily.” Her breath tickled Drea’s ear, and she put her hand on Drea’s arm and shook it softly.

“How long?” She said softly as she held Drea’s arm.

“What do you mean?” Drea still struggled for a meaning for the conversation.

“You still wear your ring…How long has your husband been gone.” She smiled with a warm welcome expression; not intrusive, but a safe friend for confiding.

Drea’s face grew red. She looked somewhat sheepishly at Mirabella.

“Oh, Jeez…what the hell was I thinking? You work here…” She actually snorted, trying not hard not to laugh. “Your wife…I am so sorry.” Her face grew much redder than Drea’s. The two looked at each other and began to laugh.

“Actually, I take that as a compliment.” Drea smiled at Mirabella, who had not let go of her arm.

“You look great…very lovely….Oh god…there I go again…” Mirabella bit her tongue to keep from laughing.

“That’s okay…some of my best friends are non-transgender.” Drea laughed. She noticed that
Mirabella had not let go of her arm once during the exchange.

“Well, Mirabella Seraphina Benedetto…it has been a pleasure to meet you.” Drea smiled and went to turn to walk away. The woman held fast to her arm and said softly.

“All my good friends call me Bella.” She leaned in and kissed Drea on the cheek.

“Nice to meet you as well, sweetie.” She said softly and then she walked away, leaving Drea to wonder just what had happened. As she stood looking vacantly at the scene before her, she heard a soft, familiar voice in the back of her head say one last time.

“I’ll always love you, dearest…now go for it.”

It has been my pleasure to tell my family’s story. Daddy and Mirabella married later that year. Daddy passed four years later, and Bella still lives in town and volunteers at the home. My son Andy joined the Air Force, and is stationed in Germany. Danny got his doctorate in Psychology. He specializes in Gender Identity Issues and volunteers at the home as well as having his own practice. I hope my tale has done the home justice, as it is a beacon of hope for the lost and hopeless. I hope that someday soon there will be no need for places like it, but for now, we can all take courage that there is a Home that Love Built.
Angelina Marie DiMaggio Abruzzi