Well, somebody mentioned writing a story centered a round a song. This one has always spoken powerfully to me.

We had been together since Junior High, but I was still scared. Make that terrified. It was the first time ever that any of my classmates would ever see me as I truly am, as I had always wanted to be. I knew I had the love of a good man, one who had wanted to have me on his arm for the Junior prom. And he’d made it clear he’d be crushed if I didn’t come this time and I loved him so much and… anyway, I said yes when he asked me.

I mean yeah, we’d explored each other’s bodies, and he’d had no end of wonderful things to say as the hormones I’d managed to buy reshaped my body, prevented male puberty and pushed my body toward some semblance of my soul. I knew what sex with him was like(something beyond believable!), and long cuddling sessions and most of the things that couples do, but we had never been seen together before, not this way. Most people just knew us as friends.

We’d been a lot more than friends since 6thth grade. That was when we started playing around(Yes, I mean sexually). Well, more to the point, we experimented and discovered that I was most definitely all girl and he was all guy, sexually and in every other way. That part wasn’t an issue between us.

He wanted me to transition publicly and dare the bigots to do anything, but I knew from bitter experience that there was no hope of that working. I wouldn’t survive it and most likely neither would he. So we shared private time and we went out to places in other towns where no one knew us and we had our romance anyway.

He would take me to Tulsa on a Friday night and treat me to a salon session and then take me out to dinner. I knew he had money but I didn’t care. I’d have jumped his bones without that. The thing was, he took pains to make me feel special, to seduce me, to make me feel like his woman. I fell for him, utterly. I mean it seriously.

You know the kind of love they talk about in fairytales? That’s what it was, and its strength had been tempered through all these years of my hiding and tonight all of that would end.

It seemed like just an instant ago he had assisted me from the limo, and proudly held my arm as we paraded into the gym, his 6’6” bulk still topping me even in 4 inch heels. For a bare instant, I felt safe, then I saw the expressions on the faces of some of the students and worse yet, some of the teachers who were chaperones.

It was pretty bad, almost as bad as I thought it would have been, except there wasn’t any violence, just very nasty remarks. I was trying my best to hold it in, but I just couldn’t and I had to go to the bathroom. I was so sick. I would have puked but there wasn’t anything in my stomach so I wound up crying and dry heaving over a toilet bowl. I was so sure I wanted to just end it then, but there were hands on my back, then helping me up and fixing my makeup. It must have been a hell of a chore because I’m pretty sure I didn’t stop crying. Not until Tracey slapped me on the side of my boob. She was almost in tears apologizing and I tried to tell her I wasn’t mad but things moved so fast and then there I was, makeup finished to perfection and watching the star everything guy of the school come toward me.

I was still in that fog as he approached me like he had said he would and I began to cry again, silently as the opening strains came up and I melted into his arms forever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziThYl6B2vw

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us, something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No, nothing else matters

I knew there would be troubles ahead, but it didn’t matter to me. I was lost in his arms and for that brief time as he held me in his arms and we danced, it was true. Nothing else mattered.

Another musical interlude.....

Halftime was over and we were down by 10. I gave a quick shout out to Karla who relayed it to Geoff. I had a hard time getting the guys to wait, but when they heard the opening strains of the song I’d asked for, they changed somehow. A batch of somewhat dispirited football players turned into a team of… Geee, I don’t know, but definitely something predatory and very nasty. They were stomping in unison and charged onto the field as the bleachers shook beneath the crowd.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tJYN-eG1zk

Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
Playin' in the street gonna be a big man some day
You got mud on yo' face
You big disgrace
Kickin' your can all over the place

Singin'

We will we will rock you
We will we will rock you

Buddy you're a young man hard man
Shoutin' in the street gonna take on the world some day
You got blood on yo' face
You big disgrace
Wavin' your banner all over the place

We will we will rock you

Singin'

We will we will rock you

Buddy you're an old man poor man
Pleadin' with your eyes gonna make you some peace some
day
You got mud on your face
You big disgrace
Somebody better put you back into your place

We will we will rock you

Singin'

We will we will rock you

Singin'

We will we will rock you

We will we will rock you

We will we will rock you

The championship game. The final seconds. Everything on my shoulders. I knew my teammates had complete faith in me and my ability. We would win or lose based on my foot.

The snap! Men mauling each other in front of me and my love taking out a linebacker twice his size to give me that extra quarter second, enough time to get the kick off cleanly just before I got knocked completely sideways and watched the ball as it flew through the air, knowing I’d just taken at least a broken rib and wondering if it had been worth it…

Then he was ripping my helmet off and kissing me wildly and the entire crowd was beyond insane! The music played and he hugged me and our teammates danced around both of us and mashed us all together and then they picked me up and carried me off the field while the music became audible over the crowd…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdCrZfTkG1c

I've paid my dues -
Time after time -
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime -
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face -
But I've come through

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world -

I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls -
You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it
-
I thank you all -

But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise -
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
And I ain't gonna lose -

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world -

I was so happy it took me a few moments to realize I had this sick pain in my chest and I couldn’t feel my foot…

I didn’t feel good about what I’d done. Strike that. I felt absolutely awful about what I’d done, what Jimmy and coach Morrison had encouraged me to do even when I knew in my soul it was wrong. I‘d damn near killed that poor girl. Her punctured lung and compound fracture were entirely the result of my insanely hard hit, a hit I knew I should have pulled because I saw the kick go clean…

The infection and blood poisoning and the other surgeries and the six months she spent in the hospital were my fault and if anyone had even thought about prosecuting me for them I would have gladly plead guilty. Nothing like that happened though. What did happen was a summer where no one saw her, or him or whatever.

I mean, I’d heard about the prom and I’d visited her in the hospital and there was no question in my mind that this person was all girl. She’d lost so much weight and looked frail. I asked if I could hug her because I was actually afraid I would break her somehow. When I told her I was just like her but not so brave and really huge and ugly anyway we cried together for like hours.

That made today so much harder. Somehow, according to the rules of being a guy, I was supposed to stand here and look impassive. I couldn’t do it.

I stood in front of her grave. Suddenly I made up my mind. Then I opened my mouth.

“I can’t even begin to express what I feel today. The courage Teddi showed us in her life was something no one could ever forget. A steadfast friend to everyone who knew her, a faithful lover for her man, and a damn fine football player. In my mind, she was more of a man than the biggest toughest guy here.”

“The only reason I’m standing here is because Craig’s mom asked me to. Craig won’t be here this afternoon. Well, ok that’s not quite true, Craig will be here in a while, but most of you probably won’t. You see, when Teddi died, Craig couldn’t handle it. He killed himself and left a note requesting that they be buried together. His mom agreed. I do too. I have never in my life met two people who were more in love, or who more rightly deserved a long and happy life together.”

"When I said the only reason I’m standing here is because I was asked to, I meant that I am ashamed. I’m not ashamed to be here, not ashamed to give this eulogy, except in one way. I am ashamed of the way I thought. I am so beyond humiliated to think that I had the thoughts that I had 6 months ago.”

“None of that, the guilt or anything, means a damn thing right now. I’m 18 years old and I have to bury the only friend I’ve ever had in my life and its because I was a bigoted asshole and hurt her because I could. You motherfuckers made this world and taught me to be like this and I hate each and every fucking one of you with every fiber of my being! I hate you and she hated you too but she was too beautiful of a person to ever say it.”

“I am transgendered like her, but I know I’d never stand a chance. She might have been kinda tall and strong enough to go head to head with the biggest linebacker, but we all heard about her prom and a few like me were so jealous. She had no clue what would happen today and I honestly don’t think she would approve, but really, now, I think her gentle way of making a point is just not enough. Listen, and please take it to heart.”

My finger pushed the play button and the opening notes thundered out.

I heard a few gasps as I pulled my grandfather’s sidearm out of my pack. The subdued click of the trigger mechanism. Strangely enough the very beginning of the noise…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBqU8FOE0uk

I've been lonely
I've been waiting for you
I'm pretending and that's all I can do
The love I'm sending
Ain't making it through to your heart
You've been hiding, never letting it show
Always trying to keep it under control
You got it down and you're well
On your way to the top
But there's something that you forgot

What about love
Don't you want someone to care about you
What about love
Don't let it slip away
What about love
I only want to share it with you
You might need it someday

I can't tell you what you're feeling inside
And I can't sell you what you don't want to buy
Something's missing you got to
Look back on your life
You know something here just ain't right

What about love
Don't you want someone to care about you
What about love
Don't let it slip away
What about love
I only want to share it with you

What about love
Don't you want someone to care about you
What about love
Don't let it slip away
What about love
I only want to share it with you

Oh love
Oh oh what about love
Yeah
What about love
Love love love
What about what about love
Oh love