Tommy Browder is a sixteen-year-old boy with a good heart, a quick mind, and a way
of looking at the world that seems to make things better for the people around him.
These are his stories.
For Frank, a truly good man, because the best gifts are the ones we make ourselves
for the people we care about. Happy Birthday, hon. Hope it’s everything you thought it might be
when you threw the idea my way and let me run with it.
“Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly.” ~ Epictetus
“Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are.” ~ Quentin Crisp”¨
“Those who make their dress a principal part of themselves, will,
in general, become of no more value than their dress.” ~ William Hazlitt
“It’s the perfect opportunity, actually.” Phyllis Rackman sat at the kitchen table with her closest friend, and grinned an evil grin. “With my sister and her husband leaving Tommy with me for the summer while they’re on that dig in Peru, I’ll have my chance to take the boy down a few pegs.”
“I really don’t understand your problem,” Diana said, holding her teacup with the tips of her fingers and looking into it to avoid looking up at Phyllis. “I’ve seen Tommy around town, and there really is nothing to complain about. His parents raised him well. He’s a good boy, thoughtful, respectful, well-behaved —”
“The problem is that he’s a boy, soon to be a man, and he needs to understand that the world doesn’t belong to him. He’s too proud, and you know what they say. Pride goeth before a fall. I plan to make him fall hard.”
The edge in her friend’s voice made Diana look up, but the expression on Phyllis’s face made her wish she was anywhere but there. It wasn’t pleasant, and she suddenly worried about what Tommy’s aunt might have in store for him when he came to stay.
Her first impulse was to distance herself from whatever hate-inspired scheme Phyllis had in mind. Her friend had always hated men, although Diana didn’t know why and was afraid to ask. Instead, she ignored her friend’s irrationality as much as she could. Every time it came up, it brought out the worst in Phyllis ... like now. Diana couldn’t stand what she became when it took over. If Tommy’s parents hadn’t already gone that morning, she would have warned them. But they would be incommunicado from the moment their plane took off this morning, and there was nothing to be done.
She almost told the other woman that she didn’t want anything to do with what she had planned for the boy, but realized that Tommy might need an adult on his side before this was through ... or a shoulder to cry on if Phyllis had her way.
There was the sound of a car door closing, and Diana looked out the front door to see a man in a black uniform pulling several suitcases out of the trunk of a limo. She recognized Tommy standing there next to him, helping him with each piece.
“Hey!” Tony DeFranco said with a smile. “Jeez, kid, stop helping and let me do my job!”
“Sorry, Tony, but it makes me feel like a slug if I just stand here.” Tommy grinned back, took the next piece from him, and put it on the ground. “So shut up and let me help already, or I’ll need a shrink or something for the rest of my life.”
“Didn’t I pick you and your parents up someplace else this morning?” Tony said, letting the boy take the next piece of luggage out of his hands. “This is the same town. What’s the deal?”
“Yeah,” Tommy replied. “That was our house, but it’s being renovated over the summer while my folks are away, so I’m staying here with my aunt Phyllis."
Tony gave him a look. "Aren't you old enough to stay by yourself? You're what, fifteen, sixteen?"
The boy shrugged. "Got to stay somewhere until they get back, and Aunt Phyllis offered. It’s sorta weird, though.”
“How so?”
“Even though she lives in the same town we do, I don’t really know her at all. It’s almost like she doesn’t want to know us.” He shook his head. “But she heard about the trip and asked Mom to let me stay with her over the summer, so that can’t be right. Maybe there’s something else goin’ on I don’t know about.”
“Shame you didn’t get to go on the dig with your Mom and Dad.” He handed the boy his laptop case, then closed the trunk with a slam.
Tommy shrugged. “I’d be with them right now if they could have swung a visa for me, but the Peruvian government said no. It’s okay. I’ll spend the summer hanging here with Aunt Phyllis and my friends, and see them when they get back in the fall. I just hope I can get along with her.”
“Kid, I’ve only know you since I picked you up this morning, but I can tell you’re good people.” Tony stuck out his hand, and Tommy shook it. “If she can’t get along with you, that’s her problem, not yours.”
“You take care of yourself, Tony.”
“That’s my line, kid.” The limo driver paused for a second, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card. He pushed the card into Tommy’s pocket. “If you need me, call me, okay?”
Tommy looked at him, clearly curious. Tony stuck his hands in his pockets and shook his head.
“Listen, somethin’ about this doesn’t feel right to me. I don’t know what, but I’ve got the same feeling I get when I tell the dealer to hit me and I just know the next card’s the wrong one. So just hang onto my number — in case you need a ride, or somethin’. All right?”
“Okay. But I think you worry too much.” The boy grinned. “I mean, how bad can she be? She’s Mom’s sister!”
“Tommy, I’ve got four sisters, and I love ‘em all. But every one knows how to bust my chops seven ways from Sunday, and none of ‘em are saints. Just watch your back, ‘kay?”
“I will.” Tommy watched as Tony walked around to the driver’s side, climbed in, and drove slowly up the street. The boy threw the strap of his laptop case over his shoulder, picked up both suitcases, and walked up to the front porch.
“Aunt Phyllis?” he said through the screen door. “I’m here.”
She came to the door and threw it open. “Good! It took you long enough.”
“The airport’s pretty far out of town,” Tommy replied, a little confused. “There wasn’t any traffic. I thought we made pretty good time.”
“And I think you shouldn’t start your visit by arguing with your aunt, especially since you’re going to be staying with me for a few months.” Phyllis stood just inside the door. “Come in and I’ll show you your room.”
“Hello, Tommy,” Diana said, standing in the kitchen doorway. “My name’s Diana. I’m a friend of your aunt’s.”
“Nice to meet you,” he said with a smile, and put down one suitcase to shake her hand.
“Don’t dawdle, Tommy.” Phyllis’s voice echoed down the stairway. The boy looked at Diana and shrugged, then picked up the suitcase and trudged up the stairs. Diana sighed.
The room at the end of the hall was big, brightly lit ... and glowed with an unmistakable girlishness. Pink was everywhere, and enough frills and fluffery to make Diana wonder how much Phyllis had spent on her little scheme to make her nephew suffer.
For his part, Tommy looked around and put his suitcases down.
“What do you think of your room?” Phyllis stood there, barely concealing her smirk.
“I like how big it is, and how much light it gets.” He walked over and pushed aside one of the lace curtains. “I like the sun.”
Her smile faltered a bit. “What about the color? And how it’s decorated?”
Tommy turned to look at her. “Hey, it’s your guest room. You can make it up any way you like.” He grinned. “I’m just happy I’ll get the chance to stay with you. I’d like to get to know you this summer.”
“Well ... all right, then.” Her smile disappeared completely, and she fidgeted for a second before regaining her emotionless mask. “Get settled in, and I’ll see you down in the kitchen for lunch in ten minutes.”
She spun on her heel and left quickly. Diana stood there and looked at the boy, who stared after his aunt with his head slightly cocked.
“She has ... issues,” the woman said softly. Tommy nodded, and gave her a little smile.
“Seems like. I’m not too worried. I’m pretty good with people.” He sat on the bed and bounced a bit. “It’s a soft mattress. Sweet.”
“Doesn’t all this pink bother you?”
He shrugged. “It’s pink. It’s just a color. I can deal. Some of the stuff in here looks a bit ... breakable, though. I think I’m gonna need to be a bit careful moving around.”
Diana smiled at him. “I think you’re going to be just fine.”
“I hope so.” He fidgeted a little. “It is all summer. Do you know why she’s being so weird?”
“Like I said, she has issues.” The woman looked at him. “I get the feeling you might be able to help her work through them.”
“If I can.” He grinned. “After all, she’s family, right?”
Tommy wandered out into the hall, looking for a bathroom. Diana couldn’t help but wonder what the next few weeks would bring.
She didn’t have long to wait.
A few days later, Tommy stood at the top of the stairs, wearing nothing but a towel. “Aunt Phyllis? Have you seen my suitcases? All my clothes are gone.”
“No, they’re not.” He heard her voice behind him, and turned to find her standing by his doorway. “I have a ... surprise for you.”
She turned and walked into the pink room, and Tommy followed, still clutching his towel.
“I’ve decided that, for the summer, you will wear what I choose for you to wear.” Phyllis walked over to the closet. “So I’ve purchased an entire new wardrobe for you.” She threw open the door, and the boy was shocked to see it full of girl’s clothes. Blouses, skirts, and dresses hung neatly on their hangers, with rows of shoes on the floor.
His aunt walked over to the dresser and pulled the top drawer open.
“The gift includes lingerie, of course,” she said smoothly, barely stifling her grin, “and more casual wear, although nothing that could ever be mistaken for a pair of pants.” Phyllis opened the second drawer to reveal pink and lavender tee shirts, imprinted with words like Princess and Too Hot to Handle, along with some lightweight skirts in summer fabrics.
“Don’t you worry, everything will fit. I was very careful with the sizes.”
“Is this some kind of a joke?” The boy’s head was spinning as he tried to get a handle on what exactly was happening.
“Not at all,” his aunt replied. “You are under my roof, and I am acting as your legal guardian, and so I set the rules in my house. As far as I’m concerned, it’s skirts and dresses all summer long for you, Tammy.” The unfamiliar twisting of his name made me cock his head, and he found himself wondering what part of the Twilight Zone he’d managed to fall into when he stepped out of the shower.
He stepped forward into the closet and fingered one of the denim skirts.
‘Yeah,’ he thought sourly. ‘My aunt really does have issues. Question is, what’ll I do about them?’
“Aren’t you going to say ‘thank you?’”
Tommy turned slowly and looked at her.
“I’m not sure,” he said. “If you were in my shoes, would you say thank you to someone who took all your clothes and replaced them with jockey shorts and jockstraps?”
Phyllis took a step back and smiled.
“Our positions are what they are,” she replied smugly. “And your new shoes look a lot like mine. So either wear these clothes or spend the summer in this room, totally nude. It’s up to you.”
She spun on her heel and left, closing the door behind her. Tommy looked into the closet again and shook his head.
“Issues,” he said aloud. Then he stopped and thought about it some more. “But why do this? It’s stupid. What can she have to gain by stealing my stuff and making me wear these?”
Tommy wandered over to the dresser and picked up a handful of nylon panties, then let the slippery fabric slide through his fingers. As he thought, he picked them up absent-mindedly and let them fall back into the drawer a second time.
‘I didn’t do anything to her,’ he thought, ‘but she’s been pushing me since I got here. Nothing I’ve done has been right as far as she’s concerned. But I know I didn’t do anything wrong.’
“She wants something out of me,” the boy whispered. “Something I haven’t given her. The pink room ... the clothes ... She wants what? To make me angry? Embarassed? Humiliated? To ... hurt me? That’s just crazy! She doesn’t even know me!”
After a few more seconds, Tommy looked down into the drawer, then towards the closet, and a grin grew on his face.
“That’s right. She doesn’t know me.” He shook his head and started picking through the lingerie, still smiling. “Oh yeah, she doesn’t know me at all.”
Phyllis waited for quite some time in the kitchen, grinning over her coffee cup and waiting for “Tammy’s” uncomfortable unveiling. After about forty-five minutes, she wondered what was keeping him, and wandered upstairs to find a handwritten note taped to the door of his bedroom.
“Thanks for the clothes,” it said. “Gone out. Back later!”
She stared at it for a while, confused.
“Out?” She spoke into the silence. “He went ... out? Like that?”
This she had to see.
Phyllis drove around town for a while, wondering where her nephew could have gone wearing girl’s clothes, and how he could possibly have made himself passable without her help.
“He must have known he’d stand out in any of the outfits I picked for him,” she said, “and the only choice he would have would be to let me make him look like a pretty girl, or be humiliated in public. What else could he do?”
She cruised past the high school, where a bunch of teenagers were playing a pick-up game of soccer. As she turned a corner, she saw a flash of bright pink in the middle of the group surrounding the ball, and jammed on the brakes.
It was Tommy.
He wore the Pampered Princess crop top with the short denim skirt, along with the pink and white Nike’s and white ankle socks with lace trim. He also wore a huge grin as he snatched the ball away from an opponent and spun around to drive towards the goal, leaving the others behind. The whole pack chased him, and as he ran, his skirt rode up enough to give flashes of pink panty to anyone who might be looking.
He delivered a kick that made the ball skitter into the corner of the net with a stuttering dance that left the goalie half-stumbling to reach it, and the rest of the pack caught up with him and pounded him on the back.
Phyllis got out of the car and walked slowly onto the soccer field.
“Thomas! You da MAN!” A tall redheaded kid shook his head in amazement. “You’re first string next year for sure.”
“That’s the coach’s call, not mine,” Tommy replied, then threw him a grin, “but he’d have to be crazy not to put me on the team.”
“Tommy.” Phyllis stopped a good distance away. She found the happy group of boys strangely frightening, and crossed her arms defensively. “What’re you doing?”
“Oh, hi, Aunt Phyllis,” he said, the grin relaxing into a smile. “Playing soccer with my friends, burning off a little energy. And I’ve got to keep in practice for tryouts in the fall.” Reaching down, he flapped the bottom of the crop top a few times to fan some air up underneath. “Kinda sweaty, though. Gonna have to take another shower when I get home.”
“You came out to play? Dressed like that?”
Tommy looked down at himself. “Closest thing I had to something easy to move in. Good air flow up top, and easy leg movement down below. I woulda worn the tennis dress, but it was white, and ... well, grass stains. You know.” He frowned. “But I had to wear two pair of the underwear to get enough support to play. I guess they don’t fit as well as you thought they would.”
Her mouth was dry. “I wasn’t thinking about soccer when I bought them.”
“Maybe if you’d gotten to know me a little better, you would have known I like to play.” He cocked his head. “Or did you think I was going to let this ruin my summer? Not do the things I want to do because of your ... gift?”
“But aren’t you ... embarrassed ... to be seen like that?”
Tommy shrugged. “Clothes are clothes. And it wasn’t exactly my idea. But as long as I can do what I want, who cares what I wear when I do it?”
She shifted uneasily from one foot to the other. “What about your friends?”
He turned to his friends. “Hey, guys! Do you care what I’m wearing?”
They all looked at each other, and back at him.
“Hell yeah, dog,” a short kid called back. “You’re so hot, you’re making the rest of us look BAD. ‘Pampered Princess’ my ass. I’m hitting the mall for a total makeover tonight.”
The whole group burst out laughing, Tommy included. Phyllis felt the world spin a little, and everything went black a second before she hit the ground.
She opened her eyes slowly, and the world came back into focus. She was lying on her own bed, and Tommy sat on a chair nearby. His hair was wet — apparently he had showered again — and he wore a pale green scoop neck tee tucked into a black skirt with several layers of lacy ruffles. He sat like a guy, with his ankle resting on his knee, and one black pump dangled from the foot in the air while the other rested on the floor.
She squealed and scooted back on the bed. Tommy looked up from the copy of Cosmo he’d been paging through.
“You’re awake,” he said, tossing the magazine aside. “You gave us a scare.”
“Us?”
“When you fainted. I carried you back to the car and used your cell phone to call Diane. She came by and drove us both here, and got you settled in bed. Since you seemed to be sleeping, I took another shower and got dressed. Again.”
“And Diane?”
“She left. She said to tell you she was disgusted, and if you don’t get your sh — act together, she’s never going to speak with you again.”
They sat in silence for a while.
“I can see right up your skirt, you know.”
Tommy shrugged. “What can you see? Black skirt, black panties ... two pair, of course. No worse than wearing a Speedo. Not like that’s my thing. I like trunks.” He sighed. “The way you think, I guess there’s a bikini waiting in one of those drawers. Probably pink. Don’t need the top, but there’d better be some room in those bottoms, or I might get arrested when I hit the public pool.”
Phyllis stared at him. “What is WRONG with you?”
“Nothing. What’s wrong with you?”
“Those clothes don’t bother you?”
“Why should they? I know who I am,” he replied, looking back at her. “You don’t. That was your problem from the start.”
They looked at each other, and Tommy sighed.
“Look, since I got here, you’ve been on my case. But you don’t know me. You NEVER knew me. I finally figured out what the deal was. You’ve been busting me night and day, not because of who I am, but because of what I am. Just because I’m a guy.”
He leaned forward. “You’ve got this idea in your head of what a man is, and it’s ugly. I get that. But I’m not HIM. I’m not some generic dickweed you want to punish — some caveman jerkoff with a bad attitude and a constant hard-on who treats women like crap and thinks he’s the Second Coming. I’m just Tommy Browder, a kid who found out he had an aunt in town he never knew, and decided to spend the summer with her, just to get to know her, as a person.”
“But you never got to know the real Tommy. Why should you? He’s just a boy, after all. And you know what they’re like. So when you tried to force me into pretty clothes to punish me for the sins of the dumbass you hang onto so tight in your head, you thought I’d be so stupidly macho that just forcing me into a skirt would send me into shock.”
“You thought wrong.”
Phyllis looked at him as if he was something she’d never seen before. And maybe he was. Tommy looked back, seeing her confusion but not sure what to say. Finally, he sighed.
“Look. Like I said, I know who I am, so it doesn’t matter what you make me wear. Clothes don’t make the man. They never have. What makes the man is what’s inside, good or bad, jerk or saint. Or maybe none of the above. Maybe he’s just Tommy Browder, the guy who fell into your warped idea of who he was, instead of who he is.”
There was a long silence, and Phyllis spoke, almost too softly to hear.
“You said ... you were scared. When I fainted.”
Tommy shrugged again. “I meant what I said about wanting to get to know you better. I was afraid I’d lose you before I got the chance. The way you fell out there, it was like all your strings were cut. I freaked, a little. Can you blame me? The way you’ve been acting, you might have had a brain tumor or something.”
“You ... cared?”
He shook his head. “God, Aunt Phyllis. I’m not the creep in your head, remember? Give it a rest.”
The boy stood up and looked into her eyes.
“Diane told me she has my stuff. She offered to bring it all back, but I said no. I told her she can keep it all summer for me — unless you call and ask her for it first. If you still think I’m some kind of monster, fine. I’ll wear the clothes you gave me until Mom and Dad come back. I really don’t care. But if you want to let go of who you think I am and meet ME instead, there’s the phone. It’s your call.” He grinned. “Literally.”
The boy turned and headed for the door, and Phyllis watched the ruffles on the skirt twitching back and forth as he walked out. After a second, she realized she was crying.
And before she knew she was doing it, she reached for the handset.
“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what
it takes to sit down and listen.” — Winston Churchill
“If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.” — H. G. Wells
###
Tommy Browder gave Jennifer one last goodbye kiss before helping her into the cab. She threw him a smile that made his heart do a small flip, and he slipped the driver a ten-dollar bill.
“I know it’s only a five-dollar fare,” he said, “but I’d appreciate it if you’d walk her to her door once you get there, ‘kay?”
“No problem, bud,” the driver replied. “I woulda done that anyway, a pretty girl like that. But thanks for the tip.”
“Hey, it’s only money.” Tommy glanced back at Jennifer. “She’s ... something special.”
The blush that slipped across her face warmed the boy. He tapped once on the top of the cab and took a step back to watch it pull away.
Normally, he would have taken the cab with her, and said goodbye at her door. But he was staying the summer at Aunt Phyllis’s house, and that was way across town from where his home and Jennifer’s were, and a heck of a lot closer to where he stood downtown.
Anyway, the date had pretty much killed his pocket money, so taking his own cab back was pretty much out. He’d just have to walk a few miles, and he could practically do that in his sleep. Hell, he could run it if he wasn’t in street shoes. Besides, these were the only date clothes he had while his house was being renovated.
‘Better to take it slow and not break a sweat,’ he thought, starting out with an easy stride. ‘Not looking to buy more clothes before Mom and Dad get back.’
Tommy got his bearings and turned down a street he hadn’t been down before, trying to cut the distance some. He was sure he’d get back in plenty of time to say goodnight to Aunt Phyllis, but he didn’t have any kind of curfew at this point, and he knew if he started staying out too late, she might start thinking that way. Their relationship had gotten off to a rocky start, but things had gotten better in the past few weeks, and he didn’t want to risk losing whatever ground they’d managed to gain because he screwed it up.
There were a few clubs on this block he hadn’t even known were there, and the music leaked onto the street along with the glow of neon and the sound of crowds. As he walked past the last club on the line, he passed an alley, and heard harsh laughter, followed by a soft voice saying, “no, please ...”
“Please what, bitch?” A cruel voice taunted, one Tommy knew all too well. “Or can I call you that when you ain’t one?”
Other voices joined the first in laughter, and Tommy realized that getting home without breaking a sweat wasn’t going to be an option. He sighed, unzipped his jacket, and stepped into the alley.
“Aww, hell, Keller,” he said sadly. “I got the whole summer away from school, and an entire town to avoid you in, but you still manage to ruin my night.”
“Get lost, Browder.” The other boy spoke without turning around. He and two friends stood over a slight figure. “This ain’t your problem.”
“Wrong, dipshit,” Tommy replied. “It’s you, and that makes it my problem. Ever since fourth grade, you’ve been pounding on people and I’ve been stopping you. Are you ever gonna give it a rest?”
Keller turned around and looked at Tommy. The other two shifted until all three faced him. Tommy stretched the muscles in his back. This wasn’t going to be fun.
“And now you had to go picking on a girl. I mean, this is a whole new level of stupid, even for you. This isn’t school, Keller. Cops will have your ass ... once I get through beating on you for a while.”
All three looked at each other and laughed.
“That ain’t no girl,” Keller sneered. “It’s a fag, and we’re gonna have some fun with him before we let him go. If we let him go.”
They moved aside enough to let Tommy see the small figure curled up in a ball, dressed in a pretty black dress that had been torn and dirtied, a long blonde wig twisted slightly askew and tears pouring down, streaking mascara across carefully done makeup.
Tommy shook his head. “Looks like a girl to me, Keller. And even if she wasn’t, doesn’t matter. You don’t get to hurt anyone you want. That’s not how things work with us, you know that.”
“Things change, Browder.” Keller smiled. “Go away now. Or we’ll make you.”
The other boy laughed and shook his head. “You? Make me doing anything? What have you been smoking?”
Keller’s flunkies looked at their leader and back at Tommy.
“There’s three of us, dude” one of them said.
“Well, yeah, but you’re all wusses.” Tommy grinned. “How hard can it be to take you down if it takes three of you to handle her?”
“She’s — it’s NOT a girl!” Keller’s face turned red.
“Excuse me, miss,” Tommy said softly, catching her eye. “You’re a girl, right?”
She nodded.
“What’s your name?”
“Josie,” she whispered. He smiled and turned back to Keller.
“Works for me.” With a sigh, he took off his coat and threw it to her in the gap between the thugs. “Hold this for me, will ya, Josie?”
She snatched it out of the air and cuddled it close.
“If you don’t touch her again and just walk away,” Tommy said, his tone even and his eyes locked on Keller’s. “I’ll let you go. But if you really want me to, I’ll hurt you. And you know I can.”
Keller took a step back and pushed his two goons forward.
“Take him!”
They looked at each other for an instant, then both lurched forward at once, hands reaching as if to grab him. Tommy sighed, settled into a stance, and centered his mass. The first one found Tommy’s foot buried in his stomach, knocking all of his air out with a whoosh and slamming him back into the closest wall. Continuing the spin from the kick, Tommy slammed his fist into the second one’s chin, snapping his head back and dropping him into a pile of full garbage bags by the dumpster, unconscious.
He smiled at Keller.
“Hell, Keller, looks like you need better people to fight your battles for you.” He took a step forward. “I’m not even breathing hard. And now it’s only you and me.”
“And me.”
The voice came from behind him, but he recognized it immediately.
“Tony!” He said with a grin. “Been a few weeks, man.”
“Hey, kid.” Tony DeFranco stepped forward, a big black metal flashlight in his hands. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Was walking home and got sidetracked. Keller here wanted to hurt this girl. Let me have him, ‘kay? We’ve been through this crap before.”
“Can’t do that, Tommy. I got a dog in this fight.” He motioned with his flashlight. “That’s my boy Joey.”
“See?” Keller sneered. “He knows the truth.”
“Shut up, dumbass.” Tony took a step forward. “In case you can’t figure it out, I am NOT your friend. That’s my son, asshole. And the only truth you need to know is that, if you don’t get the hell out of here right now and take your pals with you, I’m gonna beat on alla you with this flashlight until the batteries fall out. Then I’m gonna drive you all so far outta town it’ll take you weeks to crawl back — if you’re still able to crawl. Capische?”
“You can’t do that,” Keller said, a little fear creeping into his voice. “I’m just a kid.”
“So’s my son,” Tony growled, taking another step, “and you’d be surprised what a man will do to protect his own. How about it, Tommy? Will anybody miss him?”
“Are you kidding? They’d hold a parade in your honor, if anybody found out.” Tommy grinned at Keller. “Not that I’d tell.”
Tony nodded. “I thought as much. Good thing the limo’s got a nice big trunk.” He took another step and looked down at Keller. “Last chance, stupid. Go. Now. Or I’ll give you all a twenty-mile hike on broken legs.”
He grabbed the bully by the front of his shirt, lifted him up and threw him towards the street. The other two boys got up and ran after him, and Tommy could hear them running as fast as they could until the music from the club swallowed the sound.
Tommy moved to the mouth of the alley to make sure they were gone, and saw the tail end of Tony’s limo parked in front of the club. He turned back quickly to see Tony grab Josie by her arm and jerk her roughly to her feet.
“What were you thinking?” He roared at her. She whimpered and clutched Tommy’s jacket to her. “Were you thinking at all? Why did you leave the club before I got here? You coulda been — you coulda been — damn it, Joey, what the hell is your problem?”
Tommy saw her tears begin to fall again. He stepped forward.
“Tony, you’re scaring her.”
“He should be scared,” Tony replied, his anger making his voice tremble. “If it wasn’t for Tommy, who knows what woulda happened. And all because you think you’re a girl. Jesus H. Christ, Joey, take a look in the mirror when we get home. I changed your diapers, for Chrissake! You think I don’t know what you got?”
Josie trembled all over. “I can’t help what I feel, Daddy. I know who I am. Why can’t you see?”
Tommy moved past Tony and took his jacket back from Josie’s shaking hands. He shook it out and wrapped it around her shoulders.
“I think I need a cup of coffee,” he said, “and Josie needs to clean up before she heads home. I bet her mom is going to be freaked. I know her Dad is.”
Tony looked at Tommy, surprise pushing his anger aside almost instantly.
“Coffee?”
“Yeah, coffee. There’s a diner not too far from here. How about it?”
Tony turned away from Josie, his shoulders slumping. One hand reached up to massage his neck, and Tommy could see it shaking.
Finally, he got his voice back.
“Sure, coffee’s good. And you’re right, Estelle isn’t gonna be happy.”
Tommy put his arm around Josie and started leading her out to the street, He stopped and turned.
“Tony, can you cover me? I’m almost tapped. That’s why I was walking home.”
“Cover you? For coffee? Jesus, kid, I’ll buy out the diner if you’re hungry. And no more walking home for you. You ride for free from now on. Just say where and when.”
Tommy shook his head. “Thanks for the offer, but you need to make a living.”
Tony put out his hand. “You stood up for mine, and that makes you family. Family rides free, okay? No arguments.”
The boy sighed. “Let’s just start with the coffee, okay?”
He walked Josie out to the limo. Tony took a deep, ragged breath, shook his head again, and followed.
By the time they reached the diner, Josie had straightened herself up in the limo and repaired her make-up. Still, she practically ran to the restroom while Tony and Tommy slipped into a booth. When the waitress came, they ordered three coffees and sat across from each other, suddenly silent. When Tony picked up his cup, Tommy could see his hand was still shaking.
“It’s hard,” Tommy said. “Isn’t it?”
Tony took a sip, then nodded.
“Came outta nowhere,” he replied. “Seemed like it to me, anyway. Joey’s never been much for sports or hangin’ with the guys, but I just figured that was him and let it go. Never thought for a second he’d come out and tell us he thinks he’s a girl. He said he felt like this for years.”
“It’s hard for both of you.” Tony looked up. The boy shrugged. “What, you think that was easy for her? To tell her old man somethin’ like that? Must have taken a lot of guts, to step up and tell you something she knew you didn’t want to hear. Something she knew would hurt you.” He grinned. “I think you’d call that being stand up, doing what you got to do, right?”
“You keep talking about him like he’s a she.” The driver rubbed his face with his free hand.
“That’s how she sees herself.” Tommy took a sip of his own coffee. “Who am I to disagree?”
“But it’s crazy, Tommy,” Tony said, his voice rising. “He’s not a girl!”
Tommy put his hand out and touched Tony’s sleeve. “Keep it down, huh? You really want to share that with everybody? Besides, you don’t know that. All you see is what’s on the outside.”
Tony looked down and moved his shoulders around. “That’s enough to know what’s what.”
“Is it?” The driver looked up into Tommy’s eyes. Tommy looked back. “You’ve been around, Tony. You’ve seen a lot of things. Are people always what they look like?”
The driver’s eyes flashed and his lips became a thin line. Tommy pressed on. “I mean, come on! You drive a limo! How many times you seen someone try to pass themselves off as something they aren’t? Guys in expensive suits, waving money around, acting like they’re something special. But you know different. You put their luggage in the trunk, and you know it’s nothing but cheap goods and attitude.”
“This is different,” Tony said, his eyes back on his cup.
“Yeah, it is. This time, it’s not about what’s outside. Josie isn’t trying to sell you a lie. She’s trying to get you to see the truth.”
Things went quiet for a while, and Tommy let the man think. Finally, the driver sighed. “If it’s not about what’s outside, why is she wearing those clothes?”
Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know, Tony. To me, clothes are clothes. But maybe it makes her feel more like the girl she is on the inside. Maybe it makes her feel better. Besides, how else is she gonna let the girl come out? How else are you gonna see her if she doesn’t wear the things she’s wearing?”
More silence. Tony looked back at the rest rooms.
“Taking a while back there.”
The boy grinned. “Girls usually do. We both know it’s worth the wait when they get back.”
Tony looked at the boy in front of him and smiled, shaking his head again.
“You’re too much, kid, I’ll give you that.” He reached out and out his hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Thanks for being there tonight. I meant what I said before. Free rides, and no argument.”
“Thanks, Tony. I’ll try not to take advantage.”
He nodded. “I know you won’t. You’re a good kid.”
More silence. Tony looked out onto the street and sighed.
“Shit, Tommy,” he said softly. “That’s my kid in the ladies room right now, and he almost got himself killed tonight, just trying to be the girl he thinks he is. What the hell am I gonna do?”
“What you did tonight,” Tommy replied. Tony looked back at him. “Stand up, man. Be there for her. We both know you love her. And she’s being stand-up about who and what she is. So don’t run her down. Back her up. She was stupid tonight, because it’s different for girls and she’s still learning that. But she needs to know where you stand, and that should be with her.”
He grinned. “Hey! She’s your daughter, right? Why don’t you show her what it means to be a girl — and have an Italian Dad?”
Tony stopped, thought for a moment, then grinned back. He reached out and ruffled Tommy’s hair. “Get out. Jeez, kid, when did you get so smart?”
“I just know who I am, Tony. I figured Josie knows that, too.”
The clack of heels on the linoleum floor alerted them both that Josie was coming back. She was much more collected, makeup fresh and every hair in place. Still, her eyes were down and she slid in next to Tommy, tucking her skirt under her when she sat. The boy put her cup in front of her.
“Feeling better?”
“Yes, thank you. And thank you for saving me tonight. I was stupid not to wait inside.”
Tony spoke. “Yes you were.”
She kept her eyes on her cup. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“You should be.” His voice broke. “I almost lost you tonight. I’m not gonna let it happen again.”
Josie looked up, a little fear in her voice. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you are grounded, mist — missy. Starting right now.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Street’s ain’t safe for a girl alone unless she’s smart, and you ain’t, yet.” He sighed. “You don’t go out alone, and you let Mom or me know where the hell you are at all times. You got a cell phone, I expect you to use it. Understand?”
“Yes, Daddy.” A tentative smile grew on her lips. “You ... you called me a girl.”
He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “Yeah, well, a smart guy I know told me that you should know who you are better than I do, and I should shut up and let you be. Who am I to argue?” He looked back at her. “I’m just your Dad, that’s all. And until you know better what being a girl means out here, you stay home.”
He stood up and threw a few bills on the table.
“Until when?”
“Until I say so.” He looked down at her. “Until your mom and me are sure you’re gonna be safe. You got a problem with that?”
He could see the joy explode across her face, and she popped up out of the booth and threw her arms around him.
“No, Daddy!” Tony stiffened for an instant, then relaxed and put his arms around his new daughter.
“And don’t think hugs are gonna get you ungrounded before we think you’re ready. I’ve got four sisters, and I love ‘em all, but I know every trick in the book girls use to get what they want, prob’ly better than you.”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“So let’s get Tommy home before he gets into more trouble. I figure he’s gonna have a story to tell when he gets back, just like we do.”
“Thanks, Tony.” Tommy slipped out of the booth and put this hand on Josie’s shoulder as they walked to the front door. “Appreciate it.”
“Don’t mention it, kid. After all, I gotta keep an eye on you. Wise guys can be a lot of trouble, you know.”
“So I’ve heard.” The boy grinned. “Good thing I’m on your side.”
Tony threw a glance over his shoulder, and Tommy swore he saw a tear in the man’s eye.
“Yeah,” he said softly. “I guess it is.”
“Let the first impulse pass, wait for the second.” -- Baltasar Gracian
"Never act on impulse. Plan first. Think it through. Then act." -- Luc Saint-Cyr
###
As Phyllis Rackman drove through town, she wasn’t thinking about the news on the radio or how light the traffic was that Saturday. She was thinking about the same thing she had been thinking about for quite some time.
Her nephew Tommy.
He was a puzzle, and that scared her in ways she didn’t really want to think about. She had tried to hurt him, viciously and truly without cause, and he had turned it around and made her see that her own hatred of all things male had almost caused her to be as evil as she had always known men to be.
Phyllis had assumed Tommy was “just another man,” and tried to punish him for ... for the sins of others. But the boy turned the whole plan to humiliate him on its head, and showed her a love and compassion she still had trouble believing could come from anything with a Y chromosome.
Could she have been wrong all these years? She had started to think that everything she thought she knew might not be true, and it shook her to the core and left her wondering if she really knew anything at all.
Still, she did have good reason to hate, once, and pieces of the cause still haunted her. Tommy’s presence brought back shadows of things that were, and it was hard for her, having a man in the house. She still shivered a bit when he walked into the kitchen, even if all he did was smile and say good morning, or sit down in the living room and ask about her day. It wasn’t hatred, not with Tommy, not anymore. But there was fear, yes, just as irrational as the hatred she once felt for the boy, and Phyllis would curse herself that she still stiffened up whenever he came close enough to touch her.
Still, that story he told her about that boy Keller and his friends, and how he fought them in an alley to protect that girl? Why fight so well unless he liked it? Did he have a violent streak, like ... like the ones who hurt her, long ago?
She was supposed to meet Tommy in the park near the playground, to pick him up so they could grab some dinner and maybe see a movie.
‘Although what could the two of us possibly watch together that both of us would like?’ She shook her head at the thought, then she wondered why. After all, she still barely knew him, even after several weeks. Of course, after meeting him, Phyllis wondered if she even knew herself anymore.
As she pulled the car over to the curb, she saw Tommy sitting on a bench facing the playground full of kids. He was leaning forward, almost like a lifeguard at a beach, and she watched his head move back and forth.
‘What is he up to?’ she wondered as she got out of the car, locked it, and started moving towards him across the park. ‘This is an odd way for a sixteen-year-old boy to spend a summer afternoon. Isn’t it?’
As Phyllis grew closer to the playground, she saw a small blond boy watching a younger dark-haired girl playing with her doll by the sandbox. She was pretending to take care of it, rocking it and singing to it, and as she looked up at the boy with a smile, he suddenly lurched forward and pushed her back into the sand. She fell hard, her skirt flipping up and her doll flying off into the air. The tears started almost at once, and the boy laughed, turned, and started to run.
Tommy’s aunt felt a rush of anger.
‘Stupid boy! So cruel, even so young!’ Phyllis felt her hatred swell, and she started moving forward to teach the boy a lesson in what it really meant to hurt someone.
Then Tommy spoke, raising his voice just a little.
“Hey. Kid. Hold up.”
The boy stopped running and looked back. Phyllis stopped, too, just outside of Tommy’s line of sight.
“Who, me?” The boy said.
Tommy nodded. “Yeah, you. Come here a minute.”
“Why should I?”
“Because I asked you to.”
The boy squinted and frowned. “No, you told me to.”
Tommy grinned. “Yeah, I guess I did. Okay. Would you please come here a minute?”
“Why?”
The older boy looked at him. “What’s your name?”
“Kevin.”
“Because I want to ask you something, Kevin, and it’s easier to talk if you’re over here instead of over there.” The boy hesitated, and Tommy shook his head. “What, you think I’m gonna beat you up or something?”
He nodded.
Tommy laughed. “Dude, you’re like six years old! I’m ten years older than you. And yeah, if I was a jerk, I could squash you like a bug. But I’m not a jerk. I’m just me.” He held out a hand. “Tommy Browder.” The boy looked at the hand, but stayed where he was. Tommy let it fall.
“Besides, I don’t even know you, Kev. So why would I want to hurt you?”
Kevin took a few steps closer. “If you don’t want to beat me up ... what do you want?”
“I just want to talk, that’s all.”
“About what?”
“What you did to that girl just now.”
The boy squinted at him. “She your sister?”
“No, I don’t know her. Neither did you. But you pushed her anyway.” The boy considered this for a moment, and turned to go. Tommy sighed. “Come on, man. I just want to know why you did it, that’s all.”
He turned and walked back towards Tommy, stopping a short distance away.
“I pushed her ‘cause she’s a girl.”
“So?”
Kevin fidgeted for a moment. “What?”
“So why is that a problem?”
“’Cause she’s a GIRL.”
“So’re half the people on the planet, Kev. You gonna go around pushing them all?”
That stumped him for a while, but then he gave Tommy a puzzled look and shook his head.
“Good to know.” The older boy smiled, gave Kevin another second or two, then spoke again. “So why did you push her?”
Kevin scrunched up his face and said, very slowly, “Because ... she’s ... a ... girl.”
“And how does that make it okay to push her and make her cry?”
“Huh?”
“Not a hard question, Kevin. Why is it okay to push a girl and make her cry?”
“’Cause she’s different.”
“How?”
He tilted his head and thought for a minute. “She likes different stuff than me. Girl stuff, clothes and babies and ponies and junk.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because ... she’s ... a ... girl.”
Tommy sighed. “So? Maybe she likes boy stuff, too. You don’t know. You never asked.” They looked at each other. “Anyway, why should that make you push her?”
“Huh?”
“I mean, why should you care what she likes or doesn’t like?”
Kevin stood there staring at him, confused. Tommy sighed again.
“Okay, turn around. Is that your brother over there?”
“Yeah.”
“He looks like you. Does he like the same things you do?”
“Sometimes. I hate broccoli, and he likes it. And he likes shows about animals, and I don’t.”
“So. You gonna go push him?”
Kevin shook his head. Tommy nodded. “But he likes different things than you, right?”
The boy thought a bit. “Yeah,” he said, a little slowly.
“So why not go push him? Make him cry?”
“Are you telling me to?” Kevin pushed his jaw out and narrowed his eyes. “’Cause I won’t.”
“Nope. Not telling you to do anything. I’m just asking you to think about it. Look, you pushed a girl you didn’t know because you thought she liked different things than you. But you know your brother likes different things than you, and you still won’t push him and make him cry. Does that make sense to you?”
After a minute, Kevin shook his head again.
“So maybe why you pushed her wasn’t because she likes different things.” Tommy scrunched up his face the way Kevin had a minute before and said, “Maybe it’s ... ‘cause ... ‘she’s ... a ...girl.”
Kevin shook his head. “That’s stupid. Why would I do that?”
“I dunno, man. You’re the one who did it. But girls are different, aren’t they?”
The other boy looked down. After a few seconds, he nodded.
“They scare you a little, too, don’t they? Because they’re not like you.”
Kevin looked up and his face turned angry. “I'm not scared of girls!”
Tommy shrugged. “Well, I am, sometimes.”
“You are?” Kevin looked stunned. “Why?”
“Because they're different. Sometimes I don't know what they're thinking, or how they feel, and I don't want to say or do something stupid that’ll make 'em mad at me.”
“Why?”
“Because I like 'em.”
Kevin scrunched up his face. “WHY?”
Tommy grinned. “Because they're different.”
The six-year-old froze. “You like 'em because they're different?”
“Yeah, I do.” Tommy thought for a moment. “Okay, you saw Star Wars, right?”
“Duh.” Kevin rolled his eyes. “Everybody saw Star Wars.”
“Did you like it?” The younger boy nodded.
“There were a lot of aliens in those movies, right?” Kevin nodded again and smiled. Tommy smiled back. “Tell me something. Do you think it would have been as good if everybody in it was human? No jawas or sandpeople? And Chewbacca was just some bald guy who looked like your uncle, instead of being a Wookie?”
Kevin shook his head. “No! That would really suck.”
Tommy looked left and right, then looked back at Kevin. “I’m gonna let you in on a secret, Kev. Girls are people, but there also sorta like aliens ‘cause we don’t always think the same. It makes things interesting, like in the movie. But the thing is, they're friendly aliens. They're different, but they're nice.”
“Nice? Girls?”
“Yeah,” Tommy said. “That’s why I like ‘em.”
The younger boy looked skeptical, and Tommy thought for a minute. “Kev, do you like your Mom?”
Kevin smiled. “Yeah. She bakes cookies and makes pizza for dinner sometimes, and lets us stay up past bedtime if we're really good. She tucks us in and takes care of us when we're sick. She … she loves us. A lot.”
Tommy leaned forward. “Kev, your Mom's a girl, too. Only she's grown-up, so she's a woman.”
Kevin rolled his eyes again. “I knew that, Tommy. I'm not dumb.”
“Never said you were.” The six-year-old nodded. “But you know your Mom is a girl, and she's not scary. She's nice, and she loves you, right?”
Another nod.
“But you still pushed that little girl down and made her cry? Just because she was a girl?”
The younger boy froze, stunned.
Tommy let him think hard for a minute, then said gently, “How would you feel if someone did that to your Mom, man?”
Kevin looked down, and his voice became very small. “I'd be sad,” he replied. “And mad. I'd be real mad.”
“Who are you mad at now, Kevin?”
“Me. I'm stupid.”
Tommy shook his head. “No, you're not. You just didn't think first. You pushed that girl because you were scared of her, 'cause you thought girls were different and scary. But if you stopped and thought about it for a minute, like you did just now, you woulda figured out that you like girls, too, just like you like your mom, because they're different. Not scary, just different. And sometimes nice, like your mom. And you never woulda done what you did. See?”
Kevin wouldn't look up. “No, I'm dumb.”
“You're not dumb, Kev.” The boy shook his head, and Tommy sighed. “Look, you figured it out yourself just now, because you took a few minutes to think. All you have to do now is remember to think first the next time you want to do something stupid, 'kay? Then you'll know if what you want to do is the right thing to do, and you'll do what's right. Right?”
After a minute, the six-year-old looked up and nodded, his face red. Tommy smiled.
“So, you pushed her down and made her cry. Think about it. What's the right thing to do now?”
“Say I'm sorry?”
Tommy shrugged and stood up. “Sounds good to me. She's over there with her Mom. Go make her feel better, man. Might make you feel better, too.”
Kevin gave him a look. “You think?”
The older boy grinned. “All the time, Kev. All the time.”
The boy turned around and ran across the playground, and Tommy watched him go. He ran over to the sandbox and picked up the doll, then walked over to her and held it out. Tommy saw his lips move, and a few seconds later, the little girl took the doll and then wrapped Kevin in a big hug that the boy endured with a sheepish smile. Finally, the girl ran back to the sandbox, her hurt all but forgotten.
Kevin turned back to Tommy, smiled and waved, and ran over to where his brother was climbing on the jungle gym.
The little girl’s mother was too shocked to speak, but she looked over at Tommy and wondered what the teenager had said to make the boy apologize. Tommy smiled and waved, and she raised her fingers in a small, tentative wave of her own.
Phyllis took a step forward, still working on what she’d seen.
“That was ... interesting,” she said, and Tommy’s head turned at the sound of her voice.
“Hey, Aunt Phyllis!” The teen threw her a smile before looking back at Kevin. “No, I was just ... payin’ it forward, I guess.”
“Paying it forward?”
“Yeah, sort of,” he replied, a little embarrassed. “When I was little, around Kevin’s age, my Dad taught me to think first before I did something, He wanted me to learn to figure out what the right thing to do was and then do it, not just go with the first thing that made me feel good.”
Almost to himself, he added, “I think that’s why Keller is such a jerk. He never learned to think about what he does. When he was just a kid, he hurt someone for fun and liked it. So that’s what he does. That’s who he is, now. And probably who he’ll always be.”
Tommy went quiet for a bit. When he spoke again, he sounded sad. “Every time I mix it up with Keller -- every time I stop him from hurtin’ somebody -- I think back to what Dad taught me. And I wonder, if someone taught Keller to think when he was Kevin’s age, maybe he wouldn’t be the way he is. And maybe I wouldn’t have to spend so much of my time gettin’ in his way, or thinking about who he’s hurtin’ when I’m not there to stop him.”
His eyes drifted back to the playground. “So I come to places like this looking for kids like Kevin, so I can pass on what my Dad taught me, and teach ‘em to think first. That way, they can choose the kind of people they want to be, before it’s too late. Maybe someday, somebody else down the line won’t have to keep worrying about who Kevin is hurtin’ today, once Keller’s just a bad memory.”
They stood and watched the playground for a time.
“You don’t have to protect the world from the Kellers, you know,” Phyllis said, thinking back to her own ghosts. “There are so many like him out there, after all. It’s a big job.”
“If I don’t, who will?” Tommy thought for a moment and shook his head. “No, I stepped up way back in the fourth grade and kicked his butt when he needed it, ‘cause that’s what I knew was right. Now I guess I’m stuck with him.”
After a few seconds, he turned to his aunt. “Of course, on the bright side, he’s also stuck with me. So like the Jamaicans say, ‘it’s all good.’”
He grinned and she found herself smiling back. They turned together and started walking back to the car.
“I’m thinking you’ve met your share of Kellers, too.” Tommy spoke softly, keeping his tone conversational. Phyllis froze for a second, and the teenager did his best to ignore it as they both continued on. “And I’m thinking they can do a lot worse than beat on you, when you’re a woman. That’s why you did what you did when I came to stay, I guess. That’s why you’re still a little afraid of me. I can see it in your eyes sometimes.”
They reached the street, and he stopped on the passenger side.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything,” Tommy said, turning around, his head lowered. “And you don’t have to tell me what happened, not if you don’t want to. Not my business. And it’s history, away, even if you can’t let it go yet. So maybe I shouldn’t even bring it up.”
He looked up, and she could see the determination in his eyes. “But I just want you to know ... no matter what ... that the past really is history. You’re safe now. You got me. I’m here, and I got your back. And nobody’s gonna hurt you again, not if I can help it. Okay?”
For a moment, it was quiet. Phyllis looked at him for a long time, but Tommy couldn’t read the expression on her face. It almost looked like she was torn, trying to decide ... something. He saw the beginnings of tears, and wondered if he’d gone too far.
Then she reached up and touched his face, gently and without hesitation. It was his turn to freeze, and when Phyllis saw that, she smiled and let her hand drop.
“Thank you,” she whispered, and his eyes widened. “That means a lot.”
Tommy looked away, suddenly embarrassed.
“Yeah, well, the way I see it, I’m already worrying about everybody in town younger than Keller,” he said to her reflection in the car window, then turned back to her with that grin she’d come to know so well since he came to visit. “Might as well add my aunt to the list, especially since she’s buying me dinner. Pizza at the Fountains?”
She laughed and shook her head, and the moment was broken. “That’s the third time this week.”
“But it’s the first at the Fountains, and they got the best pizza in town,” he said, popping the car door and climbing inside. “That’s what Tony DeFranco says. One of his sisters owns the place.”
Phyllis looked down at the boy and smiled. “Okay, The Fountains it is.”
“Great!” he replied, the grin becoming a smile. She shut his door and walked around to the driver’s side. When she had gotten in and buckled, Tommy spoke again.
“Just don’t let her know who I am, okay? She finds out I’m the one who saved Josie, she’ll go bankrupt trying to feed me for free ... forever.”
“I may go bankrupt trying to feed you for the summer.” Phyllis turned the key and started the car. “But it’s okay, your secret’s safe with me.”
“Thanks!”
She signaled and pulled away from the curb.
“No problem,” she replied with a small smile, looking away so Tommy couldn’t see. “I guess, in a way ... I've got your back, too.”
She felt him turn to look at her, and then look away.
“Good to know,” he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice.
Tommy Browder stood at the entrance to the food court and sighed, his hands full of shopping bags.
‘Thank God that’s over,’ he thought. ‘Now all I need to do is chill and wait for Jen, and that shouldn’t be hard.’
He moved forward, looking for an empty table where he could put down the bags and set up camp, maybe pick up a snack or something while he waited. The place was pretty crowded this close to lunch, and empty tables were hard to find.
Then he heard several people laughing, and turned to see a dark-haired girl sitting alone at a corner table surrounded by three older boys. She was hunched over, trying to protect herself as they hung over her, tugging at her hair and trying to poke her chest. When she tossed her head to shake a lock of hair free from one of the boys, Tommy realized that the girl was Josie, Tony DeFranco’s “new” daughter.
He sighed. ‘Why are there so many idiots in the world? And why do I seem to run into more than my share?’
“Josie!” he called, and all three of the boys looked up. “Hey, girl, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Thanks for finding us a table.”
The tallest of the boys looked at him as if he was some kind of alien.
“Can I help you with something?” Tommy said, dumping the bags on a chair.
“Yeah.” The leader of the group grinned. “Why don’t you take a walk?”
Tommy looked back, narrowed his eyes and cocked his head.
“Just took one,” he replied evenly. “Now it’s your turn.”
“What do you mean?”
“What I said. I’m gonna have lunch with my friend, and you’re gonna walk away.”
One of the other boys stepped forward, his lip curled in a sneer. “Who’s gonna make us? You?”
Tommy smiled, and shook his head. “Hell, no. It’s my day off. And it’s not my job anyway. That’s what they pay the guy in the uniform over there for, isn’t it — dealing with jerks like you?”
The leader put his hand on the second boy’s shoulder and glared at Tommy. “What’s your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem.” Tommy’s voice cut through the background noise of the food court. “You do. Or you will, if you don’t stop messing with my friend and leave.”
The third boy stepped forward.
“Listen, man, you’ve got it wrong. This isn’t even a girl,” he said, apparently trying to be helpful. “He’s Jo —“
Tommy stepped forward and put his finger on the boy’s chest. His mouth snapped shut.
“Hey,” he said softly. “I know who she is, and so does she. You don’t. But that’s okay. All you need to know is that if you don’t leave now, I’ll call the mall security guy over and tell him you’re hassling Josie here. Then if you don’t leave, he’ll use his radio to call some of his mall security friends, and none of you will be able to come back here and bother anybody again. Ever.”
Josie looked up at Tommy, and saw him smile, very slowly. The third boy took a step back.
“They don’t care who she is, and neither should you. All they care about is who’s causing trouble, and who isn’t. And they can ban your asses if they want to. So why not save everybody a lot of trouble, and get the hell out of here?” Tommy looked over the boy’s shoulder. "Unless you want to be banned? Hey, he's looking this way!"
He started to raise his hand to get the security guy's attention. All three boys glanced quickly over their shoulders, saw him looking back, and walked quickly towards the escalators. Tommy watched them go until they sank out of sight, then fell into a chair with a sigh.
“Thank you,” Josie said with a smile. The boy shook his head.
“Damn, I hate malls,” he replied. She looked at him, and he shrugged. “It’s not personal or anything. I just don’t like shopping. I mean, I don’t mind getting the things I need, but places like this are full of people who either want things just for the sake of having them — or jerks who don’t seem to have anywhere better to go, and nothing else to do here but cause trouble.”
She looked at him. “So if you hate malls so much, why are you here?”
He shrugged. “Aunt Phyllis heard that Jen and I were gonna meet here and decided that I needed more clothes to last out the summer. She gave me a chunk of cash to make it happen, and wouldn’t take no for an answer.” He picked up a few bags and shook them. “So ... more clothes. Most of it is the same as the stuff I have at home, only now I have more of it. Mission accomplished.”
Tommy dropped the bags back on the chair, and Josie tilted her head. “I still don’t get it. You hate malls. Why meet here?”
“I don’t like shopping, but Jennifer does, and what makes her happy makes me happy. Since I get to make Aunt Phyllis happy, too, it’s a win-win.”
“But you’re not happy.”
“Sure I am. I just get my happiness where I can find it. Today, I’m finding it by giving Jen and Aunt Phyllis what they want. I might even get some from you, once you forget about those dumbasses.” Tommy grinned, then gave Josie a closer look. “I like the hair. It’s nice. Much better than the blonde wig.”
She reached up and touched it gently. “Thanks. I got hair extensions, and they’re the same color as my real hair. Really expensive, too. Once Mom and Daddy decided to let me be who I really am, Mom put her foot down and made Daddy agree to pay for ‘em. He didn’t fuss too much — said my being blonde just didn’t seem right. It made his teeth ache, whatever that means.” She smiled. “And since it brings me closer to passing in public, he didn’t put up too much of a fuss. He’s still worried about something happening to me again.” She sighed. “Like it almost did today.”
Tommy shifted in his seat. “I hate to say it, but that’s ‘cause you didn’t think like a girl.”
Josie looked up. “What do you mean?”
“You were so busy trying not to call attention to yourself that you didn’t even think about calling the security guy. It’s his job to protect girls from being hassled. Most girls know that in a place like this, help is only a shout away.”
She went very quiet. Tommy reached out and touched her hand. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re still new at this.”
“No, I knew he was there, and I knew I should have called him.” Josie looked down at her hands. “I was just ... afraid.”
“Of him?” She nodded. “Why?”
“What if he turned out just like them? What if they told him who I ... who I used to be, and he took their side?”
For once, Tommy had nothing to say. Josie sighed.
“So many people seem to have a problem with this,” she said. “Most of Daddy’s sibs are okay about it, but a few of his brothers haven’t said a word to me since this all came out, and Papa Joe doesn’t even want to admit I exist. Daddy has had more than a few fights with him, and now he’s not speaking to Papa Joe either. Half the family is mad at the other half, and I’m the one responsible.”
“No you’re not.” Tommy said. “You’re just doing what you have to do to be who you are. If somebody else has a problem with it, it’s their problem, not yours.”
“But they make it my problem when who I am is the thing that makes the family fight.” Josie shook her head, and her new hair moved gently over her shoulders. She threw back her head and shook it, then reached up and tugged a few loose strands out of the corner of her mouth. “This is going to take some getting used to.”
Tommy nodded. “And not just the hair. You need to keep holding tight to who you are, no matter how many people freak on you.”
Josie looked down. “You’re right, It’s just ... hard.”
“Harder than pretending to be a boy all the time?” She looked up at him and Tommy smiled. “Look, you already figured out that you can’t live your life trying to be something you’re not. You tried that for years, remember? You only made yourself sad. Then you stood up and told your folks the truth. They’re standing by you, and so am I. And so is everyone else in your family that sees the girl you really are.”
“And the others? What do I do about them?”
Tommy shrugged. “Nothing. You gotta do what’s right for you, just like other people have to do what’s right for them. If Papa Joe and the others can’t see who you really are, it’s because they can’t see past what they think you are. Most folks don’t want to look at the world twice — they like thinking they already see things the way they are. But someday, maybe, with your Dad’s help, Papa Joe will learn to see past what he wants to see and see what’s real instead.” He smiled. “And I know Tony. He’s stubborn — he won’t give up until your granddad gives you a hug and makes you feel welcome.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. Like I said, I know your Dad. And Papa Joe raised him, so the old man’s gotta be smart enough to listen to Tony ... eventually.” She grinned at that, and he grinned back.
He stood up. “Hey, I need a Coke. Would you watch my stuff for me?”
Josie smiled up at him. “Sure!”
“Do you need anything?” She shook her head and waved at her own half-empty drink. Tommy smiled. “Okay, back in a sec.”
Josie picked up her soda and took a sip, watching the people walking by. Her new life was a swirl of new sensations that made her feel so right so much of the time. She loved the way the soft breeze from the air conditioning caressed her smooth legs, and the strappy heels on her feet. She loved how her new hair caressed her back with every move of her head, and even loved the way her bra straps tugged at her shoulders with the weight of her breast forms.
But best of all, she loved not living a lie. She loved not having to pretend to be Joey anymore. She loved that Mom and Daddy finally saw that she needed to be herself, and that Tommy came along when he did that night to save her.
‘I guess he wound up saving me twice that night,’ she thought, ‘once from Keller, and once when he made Daddy see me for who I truly am.’
Josie went to put her cup back on the table and noticed the trace of lipstick around the straw. It made her smile.
“Excuse me, Miss?”
She looked up at the mall security guard that Tommy had been pointing out to those boys to make them leave. Her heart jumped, just a little. He was tall, with brown hair that had subtle red highlights, and his uniform fit well, showing off a body that seemed to reach out and grab Josie right behind her navel and make her tummy all warm.
‘Oh my God!’ Her whole body turned to jello. ‘He’s gorgeous!’
“Y... yes?” Her voice quavered. “Is something wrong?”
“No, not at all.” He smiled at her, and she melted a bit more. “I just wanted to apologize for not stepping in before. I wasn’t sure whether I should, and I probably let it go on for too long. When your friend arrived, he seemed to handle it okay, but I wanted to let you know that I was watching, and I would have gotten involved if it had gone on for too much longer.”
“Thank you,” she said softly.
“The thing is, you didn’t say anything, so I couldn’t tell if it was just teasing or harassment. If it happens again, don’t wait. Just call for help, and we’ll take care of it. No need to be embarrassed. That’s what we’re here for, after all. Okay?”
“I will.” Josie smiled up at him. “I promise.”
“All right, then. Have a great day!” He turned and walked back to his vantage point, giving Josie a long lingering view of his tight bottom that made her squirm in her seat.
“God, when did they start making mall security guys that look that good?”
Josie turned to see Jennifer Shea, Tommy’s girlfriend. She smiled, and Jennifer smiled back.
“I don’t know,” she replied, “but I sure hope they don’t change their minds before I’m old enough to snag one.”
“You’re Josie, right? Tommy’s friend?” Josie nodded, and Jennifer put her purse down on the table and sat in the chair next to her.
“And you must be Jennifer. Tommy’s here, somewhere. He went to get a Coke, but he’ll be right back.” She smiled. “He talks about you all the time, you know.”
“He’d better,” she said with a small laugh. “I’d like to think he can’t stop thinking about me when we’re apart, since that’s how I feel.”
“He was telling me how much he hates malls, but he knows you love shopping, so here he is. Just to make you happy.” Josie looked at her and smiled. “You have got to be the luckiest girl on the planet to have him in love with you.”
“I am,” Jennifer replied, her eyes narrowing. “So hands off, okay?”
Josie sat up. “What? I wouldn’t ... I couldn’t ...”
Jennifer threw her a grin and put her hand on the other girl’s arm. “Chill, girl. I’m just teasing. I know where his heart is, and I know you guys are friends. So no worries, ‘kay?”
Josie nodded, and smiled tentatively. There was a moment of silence, and Jennifer sighed.
“I really am sorry I freaked you out,” she said. “I should have guessed you wouldn’t know I was just fooling around. I know you haven’t been at this girl thing very long.”
“You do?” The other girl looked up, surprised. Jennifer gave Josie’s arm a squeeze.
“Of course,” she replied, “Tommy told me all about what happened the other night. No secret between us. In fact, I’d been hoping to meet you.”
“Oh?”
Jennifer nodded. “I’ve been thinking a lot about how hard this must be for you,” she said softly. “Finally telling everyone who you are inside, then trying to make up for all the time you pretended to be a boy. Tommy said you don’t have any sisters?”
“That’s right.” Josie picked up her drink and took a sip. “Just me, Mom and Daddy.”
“That means the only person you’ve got to teach you how to be a girl is your Mom. That’s got to be awkward.”
“Pretty much.” She sighed. “It’s been a long time since she was my age, so as much as I love her, her advice might be a little out of date.”
Jennifer went quiet for a moment, then said, “Wouldn’t you like some help from someone a little closer to your age?”
“That would be great,” Josie replied, a little sadly, “but finding someone who understands and wants to help? That’s going to be hard.”
“Not so hard,” Jennifer replied, and smiled. “You’re looking at her.”
Josie turned and looked at her, her eyes wide. “Really? You’d help me?”
“Well, I don’t have any sisters either,” she said, “and I’ve always wanted one. If you’re interested, that is?”
With a ear-piercing squeal, Josie jumped up and hugged the surprised Jennifer.
“Yes, yes, yes!” She hugged her again, and Jennifer hugged her back, as every eye in the food court focused on the pair. “Thank you, thank you thank you!”
“I see you’ve gotten past that whole ‘not calling attention to yourself’ thing,” Tommy said, standing a short distance away and watching it all with a grin. “Nice going, Jen! Did you teach her that?”
“It’s her first lesson in girlhood.” Jennifer took the Coke out of Tommy’s hand, put it on the table, and gave him a kiss. “We LIKE being noticed.”
“So I’ve noticed,” Tommy said, and kissed her back. “So you’re giving lessons now?”
“Only to my new sister,” Jen replied. “But judging by her reaction, I’m not sure how much I can teach her. I’ve never heard a more heartfelt ‘squeeeeee’ in my life.”
Josie blushed all over, and Tommy smiled.
“Love the hair,” Jennifer said, tilting her head to scope out Josie’s look. “A little, ummm ... straight, though.”
“That’s because I just got extensions.” Josie turned her head slightly to give the other girl a better look. “And since they’re new, I can’t wash them until tomorrow night.”
“They look really good. I wouldn’t have guessed. How long have you had them?”
“Just a day.”
“Well, we’ll go back to the salon for the first washing, so they can show you how to do it right.”
Jennifer gave a little finger twirl to Josie, and the other girl responded with a model’s spin and a small giggle. “Maybe we can get ‘em to give you a bit of curl after the shampoo, too. You need a little bounce and body, if they can manage it. Using a curling iron or hot rollers can be tricky, too.”
“Have you ever had extensions?”
“No, but I had a friend who did, and she had to be very careful ...”
Both girls sat back down at the table, and Tommy sat, too. He drank his soda quietly, watching the female bonding ritual with a silly grin on his face.
‘It’s almost worth going to the mall,’ he thought, ‘just to see these two together.’
Josie looked over and caught him grinning.
“What’s that smile for?” she said, and Jennifer looked over at him, too.
“Hey!” Tommy put down the Coke and raised both hands. “I told you before. I get my happiness where I can find it. Right now, I’ve got a large Coke, a comfy chair, and two pretty girls to look at. I’m good.”
“Well, don’t get too comfy, Mister Browder,” Jennifer said with a grin of her own. “Josie needs to learn the fine art of shopping, and we’re not leaving here until she’s mastered it. Okay?”
His smile dimmed a little, but only until he took another look at the expression on Josie’s face. Then it grew to a grin again.
“Sounds okay to me.” Tommy rose to his feet. “Just don’t expect me to learn anything. I’m just along to keep you two company. I didn’t sign up for girl lessons.”
“And I don’t plan on giving you any,” Jennifer replied, standing up and putting her arms around him. “I love you just the way you are.”
“Good to know,” Tommy whispered, just before she kissed him.