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With Permission from Catherine Linda Michel
 
 

All praise for this little story is due to the originator of this universe, I'm simply playing in the mud in the backyard here.

If there happens to be something you don't like, that would be all me.

Enjoy.
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Kerry stood bent over a worktable, studying plans for the new wing to the Home. Her mind wandered a little, meandering over the past 2 years. It was still somehow unbelievable, that she had had such great good fortune. From practically dying on the ice one morning to bossing Cathilynn’s construction crews had been a hard journey, gathering her childhood knowledge and working through the memories of her father those brought up and then her adult memories and applying it all to the courses necessary to get her General Contractor’s license.

Tons of bookwork, struggling with maths that made her head hurt at first and then became as instinctive as walking. 2 solid years of catching up on basically the entirety of High School and plowing her way through the bureaucratic maze that was the licensing system.

The books and the studying went pretty well, and she honestly found it easy once she’d grasped the maths.

Counseling, on the other hand, wasn’t going very well. She’d talked out the animosity, the hatred, the isolation and the fear, but the emotional walls wouldn’t drop. No matter how hard she tried, after that first night the emotional closeness never quite returned. She couldn’t even bring herself to do more than return a tender, well meaning hug with a stiff cold one.

She silently cursed herself, knowing she had hurt the young girl’s feelings earlier by not returning the hug she had offered so freely. The child needed love so badly, why couldn’t she give just that little bit of herself? She knew she wanted to, but when the time came, she froze over again and became “The Ice Bitch”. Her workers saw a little bit past the façade and realized that she actually cared for their welfare and what they thought and that made a huge difference in how her worksite ran, but they also knew that she would be right up on the scaffold beside them for dangerous tasks, that she wouldn’t ask any of them to do something she wouldn’t go do herself.

The kid had no way to know that though, and that nagged at her. She tried so hard to do right and yet it didn’t seem to matter next to the hurt she knew she’d caused the kid.

Kenny sidled up next to her. “Hey yo, boss lady! The guys are thinking maybe its gettin to be about Miller time, ya know?”

“Kenny, you know damn well I ain’t gonna feed my boys any of that watered down horse piss. I swear that shit loses something on its way through the horse’s kidneys!” she carefully wiped a tear from her eye and turned to face him. “Tell the boys I’m taking em out to dinner tonight at Kobe! All the beer they can drink! Tools down in 30 minutes.” She somehow managed to sound chipper and upbeat and Kenny took the point, striding off with his loose-limbed gait to tell the others.

She couldn’t understand her own feelings. More time on the job for her translated into more sleepless nights babbling in her sleep about construction details and how to handle her crews and it was just getting to be more than she could handle. Charlotte woke her up more than a few times, telling her she’d been arguing with an inspector or something in her sleep, yelling loud enough to wake up half the wing. Cathilynn was worried and she knew it and that just added to her stress. Sometimes, as much as it hurt, the only thing that would tire her enough to go back to sleep was standing a dementedly hopeful watch in the hospice wing.

Somehow, it put it all back into perspective, that her pain meant so little next to those who were dying. It made it a little easier to sleep when she could help them, even if it just meant holding a hand while they cried out in insensate agony. Somehow, that was comforting for her. Pain and death were old friends and she knew them well.

Still, there was something wrong with her. She knew it, but she didn’t know what to do about it. How do you manage to reach out to others? To make friends?

She didn’t know how, didn’t know how to share and so she retreated into textbooks. Others tried to reach out and she was so bound within her own fears that it never came to anything and eventually, even the endlessly loving people at the Home began to relate to her on the same level. Cold, professional, and unapproachable.

Somehow, she knew she had to fix that, but she didn’t have a clue how to begin. She didn’t feel like she could approach Irene or Cathilynn to ask for help. They had entrusted her with a duty, to see that the new wing and additions were done well and she was going to live up to that expectation if it killed her.

To admit that she couldn’t handle it would be, she felt, to let them down. So she held her shame inside herself and it festered. It was a nasty little pustule just beneath the surface, prompting her to crawl into every recess of the building, checking to see if joins were made properly and micromanaging everything.

“All in all”, she thought to herself “I’m the kind of boss I would have hated.”

It didn’t seem to matter how honest she was with herself about her shortcomings, she was driven and that drive took precedence over her own happiness. In truth, if she looked at it, she didn’t feel like she deserved to be happy when others were suffering. Something had to change, but how, and what?

Later that night, they sat around the Hibachi, watching the chef do tricks with his cookware and put on a show. Unknown to her, Kenny had paid the chef to present warm saki with every dish and to make sure her cup was always full. She had never had it so had no idea what she was slamming down. By the time the 3rd course was served, she was buzzed. By the 5th course, she was well on her way to very drunk. By the end of the meal, they literally carried her out of the restaurant. Most of the guys weren’t any better off, so it was James, the quiet giant who very rarely spoke that wound up carrying her into her room and gently tucking her, fully clothed, into her bed.

He didn’t expect the deep, passionate kiss she gave him right before passing out, and although it was very nice, it bewildered him. He knew how he felt about her, no question. He was in love. What he didn’t know was how to even begin to say such a thing to her.

The next few days at work were decidedly odd for both of them. He dreamed of their kiss and so did she, but while she dreamed of it with a sense of longing she was yet unable to feel in her waking self, he was wracked by guilt, not being able to escape the feeling that he had somehow taken advantage of her in her drunken vulnerability.

Kerry awoke after a night of very confusing dreams. She hadn’t really ever wanted to have sex with anyone. Being so horribly abused just gave her a visceral repugnance to the whole idea. But she had spent the night having erotic dreams, dreams of a strong , loving, protective man who made her feel so happy.

She knew that long before her journey began, she had always dreamed that a handsome prince would rescue her from durance most vile, but there had never been true hope. Jake had been a kind of father figure to her and Cathilynn was sort of a distant godmother, benevolent but not the sort of person she would ever presume to approach with her personal issues.

There was a little more closeness with Irene and some of the others, but since that first night she had withdrawn and there wasn’t any sort of real connection. She understood that it wasn’t their fault, that it was her who had pushed away the attempts at friendship and the offers of help. Understanding that didn’t make her any less lonely though. Her therapist had helped her work through most of the issues from her time in prison and honestly, with the tattoos gone, the nightmares had lost their edge. She simply curled up in her bed and soaked her pillow sobbing instead of waking screaming at the top of her lungs.

That was progress of a sort, wasn’t it?

What she couldn’t explain to herself was what she had done when James laid her in the bed. She had grabbed him and kissed him, and no chaste, nonsexual kiss, either! More to the point, she had wanted to do much more than that and only her fear had kept her from going further. She found herself deeply, sexually attracted to someone for the first time in her life and she had no idea what to do!

No, that wasn’t quite right. She knew exactly what to do, but what she didn’t know was how not to feel dirty doing those things, how to not hate herself. How to not feel violated.

Intellectually, it was very simple. What happened in prison was rape and here she was free to choose.

Emotionally? Anything but simple. How do you reconcile insensate terror with desire when both things have happened in similar circumstances? When the very fact that you might desire a man fills you with longing and dread at the same time?

There had been Tremaine in jail and she had felt these things for him. Something happened one day and then he was gone. Alive, from what she heard, but somewhere else. After that she had withdrawn even more and that was when they started calling her “Ice-Bitch”. She still had to act like she enjoyed servicing the men but when she wasn’t doing that, everything about her was frozen. After a while, that became her normal protective veneer.

Jake knew enough and cared enough to get through her emotional shields, and when she almost died, there was a moment when she had seemed to connect with both Irene and Cathilynn, but then her Ice Bitch self came back to the fore and that faded. Forming personal connections just seemed to be beyond her.

Then this thing had happened to her last night and cast her even farther adrift. Who could she talk to? She had alienated everyone who tried to help and didn’t know how to fix it. It was the next Friday before she decided what had to be done.

From Kerry’s Diary.

When it was time to knock off, I called Kenny over. He came sidling up in his normal way that looked liked his joints weren’t quite connected right. “Kenny, I want you to take the boys out to Kobe and show em a good time, and if you wanna go somewhere after that(He knew I meant the strip clubs) the cover and liquor is on me, ok?” I handed him my card. “Oh, and please ask James to come see me.”

With that I turned away and strode back into my own work area. I had managed to act nonchalant in front of Kenny, though I was sure he knew what was going on. The truth was I was terrified. Think of something beyond terrified and that’s what I was. Then James walked into the room and looked into my eyes and suddenly I wasn’t.

I was nervous, unsure of myself, a little scared and feeling intensely vulnerable, but I wasn’t where I had been an instant before. Feelings aside, I had to say my piece.

“James” I began, then sort of faltered, finding myself looking at my feet instead of into his intense green eyes. “I’ve given the entire crew a night out, without me there, just for them. They all deserve it. I’ve taken this night apart from them unlike the way I normally do it because I want to have dinner with you. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, it’s nothing like that. This won’t affect your job status in the slightest way. You are an excellent worker and will always have a job with me, based purely on your skill.”

“With that said, would you like to have dinner with me tonight? We can go wherever you want.” I still couldn’t bring myself to look into his eyes.

I felt him move closer to me and then the pressure of his sausage-sized forefinger lifting my chin until I had to look at him. I could barely breathe.

“I would be honored to escort you anywhere you wish to go.” He leaned down and lightly brushed his lips against mine. I think melting is the right word for what happened to me then. I just felt like jelly had replaced my bones. It was really scary!

The idea of sex had always been something forced for me, an act of submission to dominance, but this was somehow different, even though it was the same act, submitting myself to a man. This was something I wanted to do, so badly that it almost hurt. It was somehow completely different.

When I unconsciously leaned into him on the way out, I felt a sense of security, of wholeness. We wound up at a little Thai restaurant. The Pad Thai was beyond marvelous and he made me laugh. I hadn’t truly laughed in so long I had almost forgotten how, but he reminded me and then he dropped me off at the door to my apartment with a gentle kiss.

I wanted so badly for him to do more and I cried myself to sleep wondering what was wrong with me. I had every intention to seduce this wonderful man and I couldn’t seem to open up enough to just do it.

I woke the next morning, running through my usual routine, a quick toilette, then dressed for breakfast and another day of work. Right at my normal time I opened the door to my apartment, ready to dash out and found a dozen red roses with a note attached.

“You need a break” it said, “So this is your day, whether you want it or not. A car will pick you up at 9. Casual dress.” There was no signature.

Ok, that’s weird. I decided I’d do what the note said so I exchanged my work clothes for a suit. Very simple, grey watered silk with a skirt just above my knees and an eggshell silk blouse with just the lightest detail on the collar and cuffs, A simple gold chain, faux pearl drop earrings and a slim watch did it for jewelry. Ok, so it wasn’t casual, but I hadn’t really managed to develop a casual wardrobe. It was either work or business dress for me and in my off time, usually just sweats.

Still, even with having to add makeup and doing something with my hair, I was left with 15 minutes to burn and I was fidgeting. I didn’t know what was going to happen and that made me really nervous. I decided to meditate because I was way too nervous to be able to speak coherently.

The knock on the door jolted me out of my meditative state, but I followed my personal rule and waited 30 seconds before I opened my eyes and began to move. By the time I was at the door, I could see James with his hand just getting ready to knock again. I had a little moment of panic because his hand looked so huge through the peephole.

I had known it had to be him doing this, but to be confronted with the reality was an entirely different thing. For one thing, I was overwhelmed with this sudden rush of desire and I had no idea how to deal with that and at the same time I was so far beyond terrified I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

Somehow, I managed to open the door and he came rushing through to catch me as I slumped to the floor. My vision had faded to just a tunnel, but the thing in the middle of that tunnel was his face, that giant, plain face that looked like it had seen a thousand winters up north. I could feel him cradling me in his lap and feel him kissing my forehead, rocking me and yelling for help.

None of this really came together for me for a couple days more. From what everybody tells me, I was pretty much curled up in a ball crying my eyes out for 2 days. Nobody but James could even touch me without provoking a violent reaction and even he got it a few times. I watched the recordings and saw the ways I hit him. I felt bad for him when I saw some of the cheap shots I took, but I honestly didn’t remember doing it so it was really weird trying to apologize.

His response was astounding. That deep rumbling bass of his was almost hypnotic to begin with. “Cathilynn told me about you, you know. Several weeks ago, when I asked her if policy prohibited my asking you out. I told her I was willing to find other work if it did. Apparently she decided I needed to know. I haven’t told anyone, but it took me a little bit of time to think about it and realize that what was under the clothes didn’t matter. I fell in love with that person I saw underneath the driven taskmaster and whatever you might have been born as is simply not relevant to me.”

“I’ve seen your strengths and I wouldn’t go up against you in a business arena, you’re a shredder. I’ve also seen what I think is your only weakness and I’m so crass as to want to exploit it. You need love, perhaps more than anyone I’ve ever met. Well, I do too and I think just maybe we can exploit each other’s weakness to our mutual benefit. Would you like to give it a try?”

Now some people might think that sounds a little cold hearted, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. A man knew all about me, still wanted to date me and it wasn’t just for sex(although I had to admit I was really starting to want that), he meant real falling in love kind of dating!

The way he just laid it out there, bald faced, no attempt at even minor misdirection, was perhaps the most alluring thing he could have done at that moment. Still, I was a bit like a deer in headlights, trying to think of what I wanted to say. I certainly didn’t want to seem too forward.

“James, I think we should talk about this later, perhaps at that dinner you promised me before I freaked out and caused all this drama? I’ll tell you you’ve got me right, and I think I could fall in love with you and I’ve known you long enough to know you’re a damn decent guy, but you have to realize I’m about 3 or 4 levels beyond scared. The only thing I’ve ever done that could be called sex was being raped, so please understand that I have lots of fear centered around the whole idea.”

Somehow I’d made the words come out past the choking lump in my throat. I was on the verge of breaking down in tears again and I felt him move up to me. He held me in his arms, gently, as though he was afraid to hug me more tightly. I wanted nothing more at that moment than to have him hold me tightly and make me feel safe, for I realized at that moment that he did make feel safe and protected and secure. Somehow in his arms I felt whole and I clung to him with a ferocity born of desperation. I was clinging desperately to a man, and it had nothing to do with a threat or anything other than the fact that I wanted him to hold me.

Now some of you readers have to understand, I’m not like a lot of T-girls. Lots of my sisters are into women, same as they were before. Me, I’m into men, same as I was before. James was like a dream for me.

I won’t pretend that weren’t a lot of issues that we had to fight through( and trust me, with James and I on the opposite sides of an argument, it could be heard quite a ways away), but 3 months after we finally dedicated the new wing of the Home that love built, James and I were married. My company has grown quite a bit now, but James mostly ramrods the projects. I’m busy taking care of our children.

Okay, they aren’t our biological children, that isn’t possible yet. They are my dead Afghani friend’s cousin’s children, but in our hearts, they are our children. Sometimes they have nightmares from things they have seen in the wars and they come to share our bed and find respite from their demons in a warm cuddle.

I still stand watches in the hospice ward. I’ve given up on the mad hope that the poor souls in there will live and now I just do my best to be there and be supportive until the end. It breaks my heart, and more than once James has had to come and tend me when I break down at a death, but I always manage to hold it together until they have gone. I remember the night Amber and Stacy died. It was almost a week before I could function again, but I managed a brave front for both of them and I held their hands as they took their last breaths.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know it has to be better than what was before. If nothing else, there is love and that makes all the difference in the world. I think Hamid and Ibrahim would tell you the same, but right now they are with James and that is a time for only men. They still aren’t comfortable with the idea that I will not wear even a headscarf, much less the Hajib or Bhurka.

I might not agree with their faith, but in some way I have to respect it. I can’t simply tell them to believe the way I do(or rather don’t). What I can do is make damn sure they respect women, starting with their adoptive mother. I think I have a pretty hard row to hoe there, but I’m more than willing. I have two wonderful sons and I want them to grow up into decent human beings. That’s a parent’s job, right?

I figured since this particular universe has come around again I'd repost my own meager efforts.

With Permission from Catherine Linda Michel

This story is posted with the permission of Catherine Linda Michel, the originator of this universe.

That said, anything you don't like is entirely my fault.

Kerry darted across the cold rainy street, huddled in on herself to preserve any dregs of warmth she might have left in her. Hiding herself was so routine she did it with half her attention, slipping silently between dismal little pools of light.

Another fit of shivering wracked her bony frame as the wind gusted through a too thin layer of cloth that was soaked anyway. It had been a month since she slept indoors and after that experience at the shelter she wasn’t going anywhere near one of those places. It hadn’t been violent this time, at least, just incredibly humiliating. She’d showed up with other people seeking a place to sleep and watched with hope as a family ahead of her was even given a room. Then she was standing in front of the table as a kindly looking man eyed her up and down for a moment before speaking.

“Go away!” She stared at him, dumbfounded. He stood and pushed his now twisted face into hers. “I said GO AWAY!” He was screaming now. “We god fearing normal people don’t want freaks like you here! Get out of here before somebody’s child sees you, freak!”

He was still screaming but she couldn’t hear him any more. It was everything she could do to stumble away, blinded by scalding tears, not knowing and beyond caring that most of the looks she received were of pity, not the hatred and filth that man had just heaped on her. Toward the bridge again, that familiar path that was so dangerously seductive for her.

It was so simple, just walk onto the bridge instead of under it this time. She’d heard somewhere that hitting water from 150 feet up would be just like hitting concrete, quick and even if not painless, at least very short pain. Then no more pain ever again. But as usual, she lost her nerve and cried herself to sleep huddled as far out of the wind as she could get. At least it was dry.

Back to the same bridge, careful to conceal herself, but this night too physically miserable to even cry. Her misery was increased as she slipped past the newly rebuilt hotel, the irony of the sign causing her to snort in wry derision. “The Home That Love Built” in soft pastel lights, so soothing to think about but forever beyond her reach. She’d heard it was going to be some kind of group home. Well, it was nice to think that the people who got to live there would get better lives, but the way that place had been outfitted, it had to be for people with money. It seemed like a waste.

No point complaining about it though. Really, there wasn’t anything to complain about. That place had in fact provided shelter and sustenance for her for almost a year, right up until the last of the cleanup work was done and they were ready to open. Lots of the work was brutally hard, and after deductions she only had just a little more than was needed to feed herself and old Jake, but it was better than being on the street. Once the plumbing was in the rooms they could even take showers if they were careful not to leave traces of their presence. She’d helped put up the fencing and helped in construction and knew the ways to sneak in and out and hide after the site closed down at night.

The thought of Jake brought a tear to her eye. Nobody deserved to go like that, to just die under a bridge one night. Nobody deserved it, but that’s what his service in Vietnam had given him, a shattered life and a mind that was possibly more broken than his body. She still couldn’t believe she’d done what he told her to do. “Kid,” he’d said, giving her that funny look he got when he was more or less sane, “I’m gonna die pretty soon.”

She shook her head in denial of what she knew full well to be true. “You know I am,” he continued, “and its probably gonna be under this bridge. If the meat wagon has to come here to get me, you won’t have this place anymore. I want you to take my body and put it in the river. Make sure you push it out far enough for the current to take me downstream.”

He started to lose the sane look again and chuckled to himself. “Hell, maybe I’ll reach the ocean. I mean I was brown water Navy, but every sailor wants to be buried at sea.” After that he trailed off into mumbling in some language she didn’t know. Those turned out to be his last words, and the next morning she dragged the corpse of her only friend down to the water’s edge, said a few words over him that she remembered from the bible because she knew he’d been a Christian, and gave his body to the river.

She’d been too hollow to even cry for him right then. It had taken another week of showing up at the temp office and being turned away without work before it caught up with her. She’d eaten through her thin cushion of savings by then and was carefully stretching her last can of beans while reading a newspaper from the day before in the failing light and there it was.

“Body pulled from river identified as decorated veteran!” There was more, but right then the only thing she cared about was that she had failed Jack, that he hadn’t gotten his wish. That broke the emotional floodgates. The beans went uneaten. When Monday came, she couldn’t rouse herself to go to the office in the hope of work and the next day she had lost her spot in the lineup. That had been almost 3 weeks before and the only thing she’d had to eat since then were some dumpster discards from a grocery store. Most of that stuff was so far gone it was safer to just go hungry.

There had been nothing again today but Kerry wasn’t hungry any more. She hadn’t felt hungry for several days now. An idea crossed her mind, alluring, seductive. There was heat to be had, and someplace out of the rain, but she risked getting caught and going to jail. She really, really didn’t want to go to jail again.

Another uncontrollable bout of shivering made her mind up for her and her stealthy progress changed its direction. There it was, just as she remembered, a maintenance hatch. Pull on the handle and twist, just so, and it popped open, granting admission to a crawlspace. She carefully pulled the hatch closed behind her and crouched there for a moment, glad just to be out of the wind and rain. It was certainly warmer than the near freezing outside, but she knew where she could actually be warm instead of just not freezing. Careful crouching progress through the pitch blackness brought a hand in contact with a hot pipe. A turn and a crawl through another, much tighter space and she found herself in a tiny enclosure, a little space where the hot water pipes branched off and in the process, gave up some of their heat. Here it was warm enough to finally stop the little involuntary tremors and she let herself gradually relax. Thought fled along with hypothermia and she dropped off to sleep.

Dreams for her were never very pleasant, but as she’d gone longer without eating they had become terrifying. She knew she was remembering, knew she was dreaming, but she could only ride it out. “You’re my slave, bitch! You got me? You do what I say!” Coker drew back his hand and looked satisfied as she cringed in the corner, aching horribly and feeling what she knew was a mixture of blood and semen run out of her abused backside. The tattoos on her forehead and neck burned fiercely. She’d seen what they said as he thrust into to her and been so immersed in the pain it hadn’t really hit, but it did now.

They were right there, where you couldn’t miss it. “Shemale Whore” it proclaimed from her forehead. “Coker’s Pussy” it added from her neck. 10 months later, she’d been released from jail with small breasts from the pills he’d fed her. She’d wanted the pills, wanted them more than anything, but never to be tortured and raped like that. Most nights she relived the rapes and the terror, locked in the prison of her own mind until somehow, mercifully, she would awake, only gradually becoming aware that she wasn’t there anymore.

Kerry opened her eyes to pitch blackness and it took a few moments for her to realize where she was. Her clothes had mostly dried while she slept and it felt so good to not be cold. Right then, moving was the last thing she wanted to do, but her bladder had other ideas. So it was up and carefully back through the darkness to the hatch again. She noted with relief that it was still just before dawn, so she should be able to get out and do her business unobserved. The blast of cold when she opened the hatch had her shivering already, but she couldn’t do it under here.

The pavement still looked wet but it wasn’t raining at the moment, so she knew she had to hurry if she wanted to stay dry. She’d carefully closed the hatch behind her and made her way to the pavement, rushing with the urgency of her need, but there was one thing she didn’t know. While she slept, the rain had frozen into a sheet of nearly invisible ice. She didn’t know that at the time though. All she knew was that suddenly her feet went out from under her and her world went black.

Cold, so cold. Kerry lay there trying to wrap her senses around the hammering pain from the back of her head. “I gotta get up, I gotta get up” kept running through her mind but when she tried to move her head, it felt like she was stuck somehow. Opening her eyes was a monumental effort, it seemed like they were glued closed. When she did manage it, the pain lanced back through her and she slammed them closed again. Sunlight. Oh crap.

She lay back for a moment, gathered her strength, and tried to roll over. She could feel the movement, could even beat her heels on the ground, but she couldn’t seem to roll or get up. Somehow, she was stuck to the ground. Her arms were free, she could beat her heels on the ground and she discovered she could even arch her back a little. That didn’t make any sense! Had someone superglued her to the pavement?

She put a hand to the back of her head, feeling around with numbed fingers. Oh crap even more. There was the slick cold of ice and more in her hair, down to where it seemed to go under the surface. Suddenly it was clear to her. She’d fallen and gashed her head and while she lay there, the blood had frozen her head to the ice. That explained her lower half too. Before going flying, she’d been rushing to pee, barely holding it. She must have wet herself while she was out and that froze too.

“Ok,” she muttered to herself “That I can deal with. I‘ve got a pocketknife, I just have to cut my hair off and then I should be able to get out of my pants. After that I’m golden!” What she’d just said hit her.

Her hair, that one simple stupid thing she had for comfort and coverage, to hide the horrible marks on her face. If she wanted to survive, she had to cut it off, to expose herself to more of that hate.

“Fuck it, it aint that cold. I’ll just lay here a bit and the sun‘ll melt the ice” She said it to herself with surprising calm and realized as she did that it was true. The sun felt not warm but sunny anyway, and the cold really wasn’t so bad. In fact, it really felt kind of good to lie there. Like good enough to take a nap while the ice melted. Sleep sounded so good right now…

“Irene! Wake up honey and put something warm on!” Sarah was shaking her gently. “There’s somebody out on the back sidewalk!” Irene was definitely not ready to get out of bed, but Sarah sounded really worried. “Come on, get dressed, they’re just lying there kinda flailing around. I need help!”

Irene shook the sleep from her mind and rolled out of bed, or at least tried to. Her middle aged joints protested sharply at the sudden abuse and she wound up staggering out of bed and straightening up with a sound like popcorn popping. “There’s what? Ow! Yeah, ok, Hang on, gimme a minute!” She sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her face. “Right, where are my sweats?”

In under a minute, she had pulled on a sweatsuit and joggers and was following Sarah to the fire door. The blast of cold as the door opened made them both want to go get warmer clothing but they could see the figure lying on the icy pavement and saw as she stopped moving. It was tricky, but they managed to scoot over the ice to see what looked like a young girl.

Irene knelt beside her and tried to slide her arms under to lift. There was some kind of resistance and it took a moment before she realized what it was. “Sally, I need lukewarm water, but not hot, and lots of it, now! This kid is frozen to the pavement!” She could hear Sally scooting off across the ice, yelling for help as soon as she reached the door.
Irene pulled her sweatshirt off and laid it over the girl, suppressing instant shivering as she waited in just her bra for more help. God this kid was skinny. Skinny and filthy. The urine scent reached her nostrils and she suddenly knew how her bottom half was frozen, but what about her head? She slid her finger around to the back of her head and felt more ice in her hair, pulling her hand back to find it covered with red. Mystery solved, but it made the whole thing even more urgent.

Help arrived just then, in the form of several people, two of them carrying a large stockpot from the kitchen. Irene stopped them as they ready to pour the water. She stuck her hand in, let it rest for a moment, then pulled it back out. “This is too warm. Her skin is so cold that if you pour warm water on her like this, it’ll burn her. It needs to be room temperature, and hurry! She’s got a headwound too! Hurry!” Irene didn’t even notice as they scurried back to do her bidding.

A bare moment later, they were back and this time she allowed them to start pouring slowly, starting with her head. It seemed to take forever, but she gradually came free from her frozen prison and Irene lifted her easily, skating as fast as she could for the door, then running for the rinse showers for the pool. Noticing how light the girl felt, Irene wondered if it was just adrenaline, but that was beside the point for right now. She skidded a little turning the corner and almost fell, recovering and gently laying the girl on the floor before turning three of the showers on and directing their spray over her, room temperature water causing blood and filth to stream from her.

With hands helping, they soon had her clothes off and all was revealed. A mop of tangled dark hair fell over her face, and as the girl woke, she tried to resist attempts to brush it back. It was a moment before she realized that her clothes were missing and water was pouring over her. She began to struggle, disoriented and afraid, whimpering.

Irene could just barely hear her words, but they were chilling. “Please, just let me go. I’ll do anything you want, just let me die when you’re done…” The words faded to a hopeless sobbing and Irene’s heart broke. She cradled the girl in her arms and tried to hug her while adjusting the water to a slightly hotter stream. The others saw what she was doing and adjusted the other shower heads too. They sat there like that, huddled on the shower floor, gradually warming the water until the girl stopped shivering so violently.

Sarah was able to examine the back of her head and see that it had stopped bleeding. It didn’t even look like there had been much of a cut, but she knew head wounds always bleed like crazy. The girl was conscious, so she was worried more about a concussion. That wasn’t what had her truly concerned though. This girl looked like a concentration camp survivor, skin stretched tightly over sharp bones. That and the tattoos on her forehead and neck spoke of something awful.

Right. First things first, get the girl cleaned up now that she was warm. She had stopped sobbing and just let them move her around, gently cleaning the grime away, shampooing her hair twice, then conditioner. Great hanks of tangled and matted hair came free and floated to the drain but when they were finally done and ready to dry her off it seemed like there was twice as much as before.

With help, she was able to stand and after a quick dry-off, she was bundled into a blanket and half led, half carried into the clinic. Aside from starvation, she was healthy, not more than a mild concussion, and the wound wasn’t large or deep enough to require stitches. Back out of the clinic, down another hallway and into a cozy looking apartment, where she was installed in a kitchen chair with a cushion under her.

Kerry was confused. Was she dreaming? It just didn’t seem real. One moment she’d been thinking about cutting her hair off to get free of the ice, next thing she knew she was on a tile floor with a woman holding her while what felt like scalding hot water poured over her and still she couldn’t stop shivering. Then she noticed she was naked and felt a sick fear. They’d seen her secret! But she couldn’t get free and nobody was doing anything mean to her, so she was able to get her emotions together some and pay attention. Every inch of her had been gently scrubbed and she started to feel somehow safe and oh! That blanket was so soft and warm and felt like heaven and smelled even better!

She pondered through the quick examination and couldn’t make sense of things as they led her into what she recognized as one of the one bedroom apartments she’d helped build. That clinched it. This had to be a dream. She must still be outside, stuck to the ice. She was warm and remembered that the final stages of hypothermia were supposed to feel like that. This was so real, though!

Into the small kitchen and she was gently lowered to a chair. She winced as the sharp bones in her rear met the hard wood and felt herself lifted, then lowered again onto something much softer. The woman who’d been holding her in the shower was saying something.

“When did you last eat, hon?”

She had to think about that one. “I had some stuff out of the dumpster a couple of weeks ago, but it made me sick. So maybe a couple or 3 weeks? Don’t worry about me, I’m not hungry anymore.” She sat watching, enjoying the warmth and the softness while the woman moved efficiently around the stove. It seemed like only an instant before a hot cup was being pressed into her hands and she breathed in the steam.

Whatever it was it smelled like heaven. Her mouth watered so hard she almost drooled. It was so hot, though. A careful sip, slurping to cool it and the flavor bolted straight through to her brain. Beef bullion, the kind that comes in those little cubes! Her stomach lurched, but not like she was sick. Oh gods she was suddenly so hungry! The salty taste filled her senses as she took tiny sips, almost scalding her tongue in her haste.

Soon she was staring at the bottom of the empty cup wanting more, but she didn’t want to ask. That would be greedy. The woman noticed her longing looks and swept the cup out of her hands, filling it from a pot on the stove and carefully wrapping her fingers around it again. This cup lasted a little longer and when she finished, she felt, well, not full, but not so empty either.

“Are you going to say anything, girl?” She looked up into a warm pair of brown eyes. The woman was sitting across the table, those kind looking eyes penetrating her feeling of repletion. She suddenly got very nervous.

“Thank you, maam.” She thought for a moment, realized she was still naked under the blanket. “Um, if I can get my clothes I’ll be going. I’m sorry to be a bother to you.” She started to rise from the chair.

“Sit back down, child!” Kerry sat. “Now you listen to me. You aren’t going anywhere until I have a chance to get some food into you and you tell me how all this happened. Why the tattoos? I’ve seen it all, child, and what’s between your legs doesn’t make you any less of a girl to me. A starved girl who needs help. So tell me, first of all, what’s your name? I’m Irene.”

“I’m Kerry. I didn’t want the tattoos, they were forced on me in jail by the guy who owned me.” Then the dam broke and the words came pouring out of her interrupted only by a steady rain of white hot tears. She told of growing up knowing she was a girl and being forced by her father to act like a boy. She told about what she had done to herself when she was 15 and how her father had hit her and then made her mother clean her now empty scrotum and bandage it. How she was lucky she didn’t get infected because he’d never take her to town to see a doctor.

Then the night when her father got drunk and beat her until he passed out and she ran away, walking until she got a ride, winding up in the city and learning to steal to survive. How she got caught shoplifting food just after her 18th birthday and going to jail, and what happened to her there. How she got out and swore she’d never do anything to get sent back there. She was about to tell about the past year and brought herself up short, remembering where she was.

Instead of telling everything, she dissembled, saying she’d had work until recently but the job had ended and she’d lost her place to stay, but she did tell about Jake. By the time she was done, Irene was crying with her and holding her.

“You poor child. I thought I’d had it bad, but I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through. Well, all that’s ended now. Somehow, you wound up in exactly the right place.” Kerry looked at her doubtfully.

“Isn’t this some kind of group home for like rehab or something?” This didn’t make sense. “Look, I don’t want to be a burden on anybody or get anybody in trouble or anything. I’m sorry I fell on your sidewalk and I won’t sue or anything. All I need is my clothes back and I’ll get out of your hair.”

Irene could tell she wasn’t quite getting through to the girl. “You sit right there, I’ll be right back, OK?”

Kerry wondered if she was going to be arrested now. Well, if that was the deal, she couldn’t do anything about it, couldn’t even run with no clothes. She resigned herself to experiencing jail again, and wondered how she could manage to kill herself. There was no way she could live through that again.

Her heart sank as Irene returned with a familiar looking woman in tow. There was no mistaking the lady who owned this place. She was ready to plead for mercy when what the woman was saying penetrated her mind.

“Hi Kerry. I’m Cathilynn. Now before you say anything, I want you to know you have a home here. No one is going to hurt you, nothing bad will happen to you here, ok?”

Kerry blinked at her, certain that she’d heard wrong, then remembered to look down and hide behind her hair. She was almost shaking with the fear that the woman would recognize her from the renovation project. A hand grasped her chin and made her look up into Cathilynn’s face. She watched the look of recognition in her eyes and jerked her head back down. She waited for the accusations and was amazed to find warm, soft arms folding around her in a tight hug.

“You’re the one who was living here during the project, aren’t you? We knew somebody was, we even got security footage in the last couple of weeks, but we could never manage to catch you and we never really tried. If we had caught you I would have offered you a job. I saw the work you did, and my foreman kept talking about this girl temp he had who worked harder than any of the men, but it seemed like whenever I visited the site I never saw you.”

“Child, you didn’t have to hide from me. Irene here tells me you didn’t even know what this place is. About 2 years ago, I won the lottery and I decided I was going to set up a place for people like you and me and Irene.” Kerry looked up at her, unable to believe her ears. “Yes, I’m transgendered like you. So are most of the people here. I wish I’d known about you, I feel so horrible about doing all this and overlooking someone right under my nose who needed help so badly!”

“Now let’s get a place sorted out for you to sleep tonight, and get some more food into you. Nothing solid yet, just some soup. If we gave you solid food right now, it would do more harm than good. Then we can think about getting those tattoos lasered off your face and plan for your future, ok?”

Kerry started crying again. This just wasn’t possible.

When she awoke the next morning in a warm bed, the smell of coffee wafting through the cracked open door, she knew it was true. And she knew she’d do everything she could for Cathilynn and the others and this place, because after all, she’d helped build The Home That Love Built.

With Permission from Catherine Linda Michel

All praise for this little story is due to the originator of this universe, I'm simply playing in the mud in the backyard here.

If there happens to be something you don't like, that would be all me.

Enjoy.
___________________________________________________________________________________________

Kerry stood bent over a worktable, studying plans for the new wing to the Home. Her mind wandered a little, meandering over the past 2 years. It was still somehow unbelievable, that she had had such great good fortune. From practically dying on the ice one morning to bossing Cathilynn’s construction crews had been a hard journey, gathering her childhood knowledge and working through the memories of her father those brought up and then her adult memories and applying it all to the courses necessary to get her General Contractor’s license.

Tons of bookwork, struggling with maths that made her head hurt at first and then became as instinctive as walking. 2 solid years of catching up on basically the entirety of High School and plowing her way through the bureaucratic maze that was the licensing system.

The books and the studying went pretty well, and she honestly found it easy once she’d grasped the maths.

Counseling, on the other hand, wasn’t going very well. She’d talked out the animosity, the hatred, the isolation and the fear, but the emotional walls wouldn’t drop. No matter how hard she tried, after that first night the emotional closeness never quite returned. She couldn’t even bring herself to do more than return a tender, well meaning hug with a stiff cold one.

She silently cursed herself, knowing she had hurt the young girl’s feelings earlier by not returning the hug she had offered so freely. The child needed love so badly, why couldn’t she give just that little bit of herself? She knew she wanted to, but when the time came, she froze over again and became “The Ice Bitch”. Her workers saw a little bit past the façade and realized that she actually cared for their welfare and what they thought and that made a huge difference in how her worksite ran, but they also knew that she would be right up on the scaffold beside them for dangerous tasks, that she wouldn’t ask any of them to do something she wouldn’t go do herself.

The kid had no way to know that though, and that nagged at her. She tried so hard to do right and yet it didn’t seem to matter next to the hurt she knew she’d caused the kid.

Kenny sidled up next to her. “Hey yo, boss lady! The guys are thinking maybe its gettin to be about Miller time, ya know?”

“Kenny, you know damn well I ain’t gonna feed my boys any of that watered down horse piss. I swear that shit loses something on its way through the horse’s kidneys!” she carefully wiped a tear from her eye and turned to face him. “Tell the boys I’m taking em out to dinner tonight at Kobe! All the beer they can drink! Tools down in 30 minutes.” She somehow managed to sound chipper and upbeat and Kenny took the point, striding off with his loose-limbed gait to tell the others.

She couldn’t understand her own feelings. More time on the job for her translated into more sleepless nights babbling in her sleep about construction details and how to handle her crews and it was just getting to be more than she could handle. Charlotte woke her up more than a few times, telling her she’d been arguing with an inspector or something in her sleep, yelling loud enough to wake up half the wing. Cathilynn was worried and she knew it and that just added to her stress. Sometimes, as much as it hurt, the only thing that would tire her enough to go back to sleep was standing a dementedly hopeful watch in the hospice wing.

Somehow, it put it all back into perspective, that her pain meant so little next to those who were dying. It made it a little easier to sleep when she could help them, even if it just meant holding a hand while they cried out in insensate agony. Somehow, that was comforting for her. Pain and death were old friends and she knew them well.

Still, there was something wrong with her. She knew it, but she didn’t know what to do about it. How do you manage to reach out to others? To make friends?

She didn’t know how, didn’t know how to share and so she retreated into textbooks. Others tried to reach out and she was so bound within her own fears that it never came to anything and eventually, even the endlessly loving people at the Home began to relate to her on the same level. Cold, professional, and unapproachable.

Somehow, she knew she had to fix that, but she didn’t have a clue how to begin. She didn’t feel like she could approach Irene or Cathilynn to ask for help. They had entrusted her with a duty, to see that the new wing and additions were done well and she was going to live up to that expectation if it killed her.

To admit that she couldn’t handle it would be, she felt, to let them down. So she held her shame inside herself and it festered. It was a nasty little pustule just beneath the surface, prompting her to crawl into every recess of the building, checking to see if joins were made properly and micromanaging everything.

“All in all”, she thought to herself “I’m the kind of boss I would have hated.”

It didn’t seem to matter how honest she was with herself about her shortcomings, she was driven and that drive took precedence over her own happiness. In truth, if she looked at it, she didn’t feel like she deserved to be happy when others were suffering. Something had to change, but how, and what?

Later that night, they sat around the Hibachi, watching the chef do tricks with his cookware and put on a show. Unknown to her, Kenny had paid the chef to present warm saki with every dish and to make sure her cup was always full. She had never had it so had no idea what she was slamming down. By the time the 3rd course was served, she was buzzed. By the 5th course, she was well on her way to very drunk. By the end of the meal, they literally carried her out of the restaurant. Most of the guys weren’t any better off, so it was James, the quiet giant who very rarely spoke that wound up carrying her into her room and gently tucking her, fully clothed, into her bed.

He didn’t expect the deep, passionate kiss she gave him right before passing out, and although it was very nice, it bewildered him. He knew how he felt about her, no question. He was in love. What he didn’t know was how to even begin to say such a thing to her.

The next few days at work were decidedly odd for both of them. He dreamed of their kiss and so did she, but while she dreamed of it with a sense of longing she was yet unable to feel in her waking self, he was wracked by guilt, not being able to escape the feeling that he had somehow taken advantage of her in her drunken vulnerability.

Kerry awoke after a night of very confusing dreams. She hadn’t really ever wanted to have sex with anyone. Being so horribly abused just gave her a visceral repugnance to the whole idea. But she had spent the night having erotic dreams, dreams of a strong , loving, protective man who made her feel so happy.

She knew that long before her journey began, she had always dreamed that a handsome prince would rescue her from durance most vile, but there had never been true hope. Jake had been a kind of father figure to her and Cathilynn was sort of a distant godmother, benevolent but not the sort of person she would ever presume to approach with her personal issues.

There was a little more closeness with Irene and some of the others, but since that first night she had withdrawn and there wasn’t any sort of real connection. She understood that it wasn’t their fault, that it was her who had pushed away the attempts at friendship and the offers of help. Understanding that didn’t make her any less lonely though. Her therapist had helped her work through most of the issues from her time in prison and honestly, with the tattoos gone, the nightmares had lost their edge. She simply curled up in her bed and soaked her pillow sobbing instead of waking screaming at the top of her lungs.

That was progress of a sort, wasn’t it?

What she couldn’t explain to herself was what she had done when James laid her in the bed. She had grabbed him and kissed him, and no chaste, nonsexual kiss, either! More to the point, she had wanted to do much more than that and only her fear had kept her from going further. She found herself deeply, sexually attracted to someone for the first time in her life and she had no idea what to do!

No, that wasn’t quite right. She knew exactly what to do, but what she didn’t know was how not to feel dirty doing those things, how to not hate herself. How to not feel violated.

Intellectually, it was very simple. What happened in prison was rape and here she was free to choose.

Emotionally? Anything but simple. How do you reconcile insensate terror with desire when both things have happened in similar circumstances? When the very fact that you might desire a man fills you with longing and dread at the same time?

There had been Tremaine in jail and she had felt these things for him. Something happened one day and then he was gone. Alive, from what she heard, but somewhere else. After that she had withdrawn even more and that was when they started calling her “Ice-Bitch”. She still had to act like she enjoyed servicing the men but when she wasn’t doing that, everything about her was frozen. After a while, that became her normal protective veneer.

Jake knew enough and cared enough to get through her emotional shields, and when she almost died, there was a moment when she had seemed to connect with both Irene and Cathilynn, but then her Ice Bitch self came back to the fore and that faded. Forming personal connections just seemed to be beyond her.

Then this thing had happened to her last night and cast her even farther adrift. Who could she talk to? She had alienated everyone who tried to help and didn’t know how to fix it. It was the next Friday before she decided what had to be done.

From Kerry’s Diary.

When it was time to knock off, I called Kenny over. He came sidling up in his normal way that looked liked his joints weren’t quite connected right. “Kenny, I want you to take the boys out to Kobe and show em a good time, and if you wanna go somewhere after that(He knew I meant the strip clubs) the cover and liquor is on me, ok?” I handed him my card. “Oh, and please ask James to come see me.”

With that I turned away and strode back into my own work area. I had managed to act nonchalant in front of Kenny, though I was sure he knew what was going on. The truth was I was terrified. Think of something beyond terrified and that’s what I was. Then James walked into the room and looked into my eyes and suddenly I wasn’t.

I was nervous, unsure of myself, a little scared and feeling intensely vulnerable, but I wasn’t where I had been an instant before. Feelings aside, I had to say my piece.

“James” I began, then sort of faltered, finding myself looking at my feet instead of into his intense green eyes. “I’ve given the entire crew a night out, without me there, just for them. They all deserve it. I’ve taken this night apart from them unlike the way I normally do it because I want to have dinner with you. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, it’s nothing like that. This won’t affect your job status in the slightest way. You are an excellent worker and will always have a job with me, based purely on your skill.”

“With that said, would you like to have dinner with me tonight? We can go wherever you want.” I still couldn’t bring myself to look into his eyes.

I felt him move closer to me and then the pressure of his sausage-sized forefinger lifting my chin until I had to look at him. I could barely breathe.

“I would be honored to escort you anywhere you wish to go.” He leaned down and lightly brushed his lips against mine. I think melting is the right word for what happened to me then. I just felt like jelly had replaced my bones. It was really scary!

The idea of sex had always been something forced for me, an act of submission to dominance, but this was somehow different, even though it was the same act, submitting myself to a man. This was something I wanted to do, so badly that it almost hurt. It was somehow completely different.

When I unconsciously leaned into him on the way out, I felt a sense of security, of wholeness. We wound up at a little Thai restaurant. The Pad Thai was beyond marvelous and he made me laugh. I hadn’t truly laughed in so long I had almost forgotten how, but he reminded me and then he dropped me off at the door to my apartment with a gentle kiss.

I wanted so badly for him to do more and I cried myself to sleep wondering what was wrong with me. I had every intention to seduce this wonderful man and I couldn’t seem to open up enough to just do it.

I woke the next morning, running through my usual routine, a quick toilette, then dressed for breakfast and another day of work. Right at my normal time I opened the door to my apartment, ready to dash out and found a dozen red roses with a note attached.

“You need a break” it said, “So this is your day, whether you want it or not. A car will pick you up at 9. Casual dress.” There was no signature.

Ok, that’s weird. I decided I’d do what the note said so I exchanged my work clothes for a suit. Very simple, grey watered silk with a skirt just above my knees and an eggshell silk blouse with just the lightest detail on the collar and cuffs, A simple gold chain, faux pearl drop earrings and a slim watch did it for jewelry. Ok, so it wasn’t casual, but I hadn’t really managed to develop a casual wardrobe. It was either work or business dress for me and in my off time, usually just sweats.

Still, even with having to add makeup and doing something with my hair, I was left with 15 minutes to burn and I was fidgeting. I didn’t know what was going to happen and that made me really nervous. I decided to meditate because I was way too nervous to be able to speak coherently.

The knock on the door jolted me out of my meditative state, but I followed my personal rule and waited 30 seconds before I opened my eyes and began to move. By the time I was at the door, I could see James with his hand just getting ready to knock again. I had a little moment of panic because his hand looked so huge through the peephole.

I had known it had to be him doing this, but to be confronted with the reality was an entirely different thing. For one thing, I was overwhelmed with this sudden rush of desire and I had no idea how to deal with that and at the same time I was so far beyond terrified I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

Somehow, I managed to open the door and he came rushing through to catch me as I slumped to the floor. My vision had faded to just a tunnel, but the thing in the middle of that tunnel was his face, that giant, plain face that looked like it had seen a thousand winters up north. I could feel him cradling me in his lap and feel him kissing my forehead, rocking me and yelling for help.

None of this really came together for me for a couple days more. From what everybody tells me, I was pretty much curled up in a ball crying my eyes out for 2 days. Nobody but James could even touch me without provoking a violent reaction and even he got it a few times. I watched the recordings and saw the ways I hit him. I felt bad for him when I saw some of the cheap shots I took, but I honestly didn’t remember doing it so it was really weird trying to apologize.

His response was astounding. That deep rumbling bass of his was almost hypnotic to begin with. “Cathilynn told me about you, you know. Several weeks ago, when I asked her if policy prohibited my asking you out. I told her I was willing to find other work if it did. Apparently she decided I needed to know. I haven’t told anyone, but it took me a little bit of time to think about it and realize that what was under the clothes didn’t matter. I fell in love with that person I saw underneath the driven taskmaster and whatever you might have been born as is simply not relevant to me.”

“I’ve seen your strengths and I wouldn’t go up against you in a business arena, you’re a shredder. I’ve also seen what I think is your only weakness and I’m so crass as to want to exploit it. You need love, perhaps more than anyone I’ve ever met. Well, I do too and I think just maybe we can exploit each other’s weakness to our mutual benefit. Would you like to give it a try?”

Now some people might think that sounds a little cold hearted, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. A man knew all about me, still wanted to date me and it wasn’t just for sex(although I had to admit I was really starting to want that), he meant real falling in love kind of dating!

The way he just laid it out there, bald faced, no attempt at even minor misdirection, was perhaps the most alluring thing he could have done at that moment. Still, I was a bit like a deer in headlights, trying to think of what I wanted to say. I certainly didn’t want to seem too forward.

“James, I think we should talk about this later, perhaps at that dinner you promised me before I freaked out and caused all this drama? I’ll tell you you’ve got me right, and I think I could fall in love with you and I’ve known you long enough to know you’re a damn decent guy, but you have to realize I’m about 3 or 4 levels beyond scared. The only thing I’ve ever done that could be called sex was being raped, so please understand that I have lots of fear centered around the whole idea.”

Somehow I’d made the words come out past the choking lump in my throat. I was on the verge of breaking down in tears again and I felt him move up to me. He held me in his arms, gently, as though he was afraid to hug me more tightly. I wanted nothing more at that moment than to have him hold me tightly and make me feel safe, for I realized at that moment that he did make feel safe and protected and secure. Somehow in his arms I felt whole and I clung to him with a ferocity born of desperation. I was clinging desperately to a man, and it had nothing to do with a threat or anything other than the fact that I wanted him to hold me.

Now some of you readers have to understand, I’m not like a lot of T-girls. Lots of my sisters are into women, same as they were before. Me, I’m into men, same as I was before. James was like a dream for me.

I won’t pretend that weren’t a lot of issues that we had to fight through( and trust me, with James and I on the opposite sides of an argument, it could be heard quite a ways away), but 3 months after we finally dedicated the new wing of the Home that love built, James and I were married. My company has grown quite a bit now, but James mostly ramrods the projects. I’m busy taking care of our children.

Okay, they aren’t our biological children, that isn’t possible yet. They are my dead Afghani friend’s cousin’s children, but in our hearts, they are our children. Sometimes they have nightmares from things they have seen in the wars and they come to share our bed and find respite from their demons in a warm cuddle.

I still stand watches in the hospice ward. I’ve given up on the mad hope that the poor souls in there will live and now I just do my best to be there and be supportive until the end. It breaks my heart, and more than once James has had to come and tend me when I break down at a death, but I always manage to hold it together until they have gone. I remember the night Amber and Stacy died. It was almost a week before I could function again, but I managed a brave front for both of them and I held their hands as they took their last breaths.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know it has to be better than what was before. If nothing else, there is love and that makes all the difference in the world. I think Hamid and Ibrahim would tell you the same, but right now they are with James and that is a time for only men. They still aren’t comfortable with the idea that I will not wear even a headscarf, much less the Hajib or Bhurka.

I might not agree with their faith, but in some way I have to respect it. I can’t simply tell them to believe the way I do(or rather don’t). What I can do is make damn sure they respect women, starting with their adoptive mother. I think I have a pretty hard row to hoe there, but I’m more than willing. I have two wonderful sons and I want them to grow up into decent human beings. That’s a parent’s job, right?

“Somebody turn that damn thing off!”

There was of course no response from the empty space and the offending mechanism sat across the room purposely out of reach, continuing its klaxon-like bleating.

Charlotte rolled out of bed and strode over to the phone, not caring that she was unclothed. If whoever was on the other end happened to be offended by the sight of her nudity they could go attempt sexual acts not possible for the greater majority of the male of the species.

No such luck of course, it was the familiar grizzled face that greeted her whenever her services were required.

“Dammit Tommy, don’t you know what time it is?” She did her best to scowl but it was hard with the grin he was sporting.

“Well when I got back from lunch at Papillion it was about 1:30 so… maybe 2? Pretty sure its daylight out for a bit yet though!”

“And this is important for what reason exactly?” She deliberately moved back a bit from the phone to give Tommy more of an eyeful and was rewarded with the widening of his eyes as he realized her state of dress.

“Um… what?”

She allowed herself a small smile. “Where’s the body?”

He regained his focus. “Well that’s the thing… we don’t exactly have one…”

“Right… so… no body? Body parts maybe?”

“Not exactly….”

“Well what exactly do we have then?” At this point she was beginning to realize that the sunlight streaming into her face was entirely too bright for someone who’d had as much to drink as she’d had last night and popped on a set of sport shades that came easily to hand. She briefly wondered where they’d come from and then was reminded by a mild bit of discomfort exactly who had left them.

“Well I don’t quite know how to explain it… you just have to see for yourself. Mel should be there in 5 minutes or so to get you so grab your kit. You’re gonna love this one!”

His face winked off the phone before she could respond but she was already turning toward the bathroom with a sense of desperation quickly building. 10 minutes later she strolled out of the bathroom, hair still wet and precisely as clothed as she had been going in… minus the shades.

“Well now I wouldn’t complain if I had that view every morning!”

Charlotte looked over at the diminutive figure with an old briar pipe in her hand and blew a raspberry.

“Please, you’d have a coronary trying to keep up with me if I were even a little bi!”

She chuckled and relit her pipe. “Yeah but I’d die a happy woman! Now get dressed, I’ve got breakfast waiting on Gunther.”

“We’re in a rush then?”

“Eh, no more than usual really… but I added a couple new mods and I wanted to give him a chance to stretch his legs a bit. Besides, it’s a little choppy and I wasn’t in the mood for a beating today.”

“Still haven’t got Helga back together then?” Charlotte was busy throwing on clothes with seeming wild abandon but when she finished and settled a small infinity necklace just into the top of her partially exposed cleavage it looked like she’d just spent an hour agonizing over the right outfit.

“I’ll never figure out how you do that…”

“What? Just put some clothes on?”

“No, pick the perfect clothes and the perfect jewelry and even the perfect shades! Most women have to work at that!”

“It’s a talent?” She smirked in Mel’s direction, settled her shades in place and grabbed her go bag. “Shall we go?”

They made their way over a deliberately creaky looking walkway and out onto the equally alarming dock where a sleek trimaran waited. It rode fairly low in the water so it was an easy step down for Charlotte but she turned and assisted the smaller woman.

They both strapped in and the noise of a turboprop spooling up was muted as a clear canopy closed over the cockpit and cool conditioned air cleared the humidity. Charlotte opened the container offered and stared at its contents with a quizzical expression on her face. “What the hell is this?”

“I’ll tell you after you eat it…” Mel smirked in her direction as she busied herself with clearing the inlet into open ocean. There was a little bumpiness as they hit the previously mentioned chop but Mel deployed hydroplanes as soon as the depth was sufficient and poured on the throttle. The craft quickly rose up onto its planes and the ride became extremely smooth although their speed was steadily increasing.

Charlotte had finished the offered meal within a couple of minutes and decided her tea was finally drinkable so she pulled out the bag and squeezed to get the last bit out. After a sip and a heartfelt sigh she repeated the question.

“What did I just eat? I know there was grapefruit in there but aside from that…”

“Just grapefruit, avocado and a little Italian dressing.” Mel grinned at her.

“But I detest avocado! Erm… at least I thought I did. I may have to reconsider after eating that…”

“See, all you need is to open your mind a bit!” with that Mel smoothly ramped up the throttles until they were moving along at a fairly stupid speed. “We’ll be there in another 5 minutes so you might as well sit back and enjoy the ride… we just passed Breach Inlet and we’ll be hitting the harbor in a minute. They make me slow way down… idiots.”

True to her word, she throttled back to a speed just sufficient to keep them up on the planes as they passed the tip of Sullivan’s Island and entered the harbor channel properly, slipping past a laden freighter and swooping around to the passenger docks. Mel held position just long enough for Charlotte to clamber ashore before pulling away at what was for her a fairly sedate speed. A young uniformed officer held the door of an unmarked sedan for her and then drove as quickly as midafternoon traffic would allow toward Broad St.

“I’ll have to drop you off a little ways away Charlie, the perimeter is pretty large. You’re going to want these” He handed her a pair of disposable cleanroom booties which she slipped on before exiting the vehicle and ducking under the police tape. She looked back and flashed a smile.

“Thanks Markie. Tell your grandma I said hi and I’ll come visit next week, ok? The uniform looks really good on you kiddo!”

He beamed with pride. “I never woulda made it without you three pushing me Charlie. I’ll make you proud!”

“Markie I couldn’t be more proud of you already and your grandmother feels the same way. You just be yourself, that’s all. Let Mike take care of you a little more, you know he wants to. He understands more than you think…”

“I know…” He sighed “Its just… hard for me.”

“You know you can always give me or Mel a call if you need.”

“Mostly I don’t need anymore. Mike is good for me that way… and you’re right, he does understand. Its just that… we went through ten kinds of hell together and sometimes we can trigger each other, ya know?”

“And you don’t think there’s a reason I’m single? Yeah, I know…”

“I’ll tell grandma like you said. This is a nasty one…”

“Yeah I kinda figured from the booties. Now go home to your husband, I know you’re off shift already.”

“Yes Ma’am!” He threw a salute and rolled away laughing at her return gesture.

Charlotte turned and made her way down the street until the crime scene revealed itself. It wasn’t exactly hard to find.

“Tommy when you said you didn’t exactly have a body I definitely did not think along these lines! Talk about going Postal!” She shook her head as she surveyed the scene. The steps that ran along the front of the Post Office were sprayed with gore reaching halfway up the windows. It had leaked out across the sidewalk and into the storm drains before congealing in place and becoming a sort of chunky jelly.

“Well you know we never call you for normal stuff Charlie. We still can’t quite figure out how it was even done! Nobody saw or heard anything, there’s nothing on video and you know this street has mad surveillance cameras! We got as far as figuring out they probably used a woodchipper but that’s it.”

“How long till you have the DNA profile?”

“Profiles, multiple. 3 of them and no matches yet” He gestured at the scene. “Woulda taken one hell of a fat guy to make a mess this size”

“So all 3 profiles were male?”

“That’s the only similarity. Aside from that, we’ve got a Pacific Islander, a Northern European and a West African so they could be from pretty much anywhere. In a few hours they are going to be mostly in the drain…” He looked almost mournful at the idea, affronted that nature would be so inconsiderate as to wipe away his crime scene before he was done with it.

“You know, you could strain everything that gets into the drains… might get some particulates you’d miss otherwise…” She was scanning the scene, taking all the imagery she could get from her very expensive detection and photographic gear.

“Yeah I thought about that… rains gonna be too heavy for anything I’ve got as a filter though.”

“Try multiple layers of cloth, like muslin, something like that.” She paused for a moment. “Hey the distribution here looks pretty even. Have yawl been able to tell where one guy ends and the next one begins?”

He goggled at her for a moment. “Um… I don’t know. I’ll make sure we have a mapped survey before it rains.”

“Thanks Tommy, you’re a champ. Can you forward me everything you have? I’ve got a few things to take care of so I’ll be in town for a few more hours. Call if you need, ok?” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and made her way past the crime scene tape, stashing her booties in a plastic baggie and putting them in her purse after marking it. She strode along East Bay until reaching an alleyway which concealed the entry to a restaurant.

As she stepped inside she was greeted immediately by a warm tenor “Miss Charlotte, how nice to see you today. Would you like your usual place?”

“Good to see you too Jervy. The usual spot is fine. How’s May doing?” They walked up the staircase as they talked.

“She’s doing well, mending up just fine. I will never understand why that girl likes to do crazy things like jump out of a perfectly good airplane…” He shook his head mournfully.

“Right, nothing at all like top fuel dragsters then?” She smirked at him.

“Nothing at all alike! I stay on the ground at all times!” He protested.

“I seem to recall a car that got about 30 feet off the ground one day…”

“Well yeah but it wasn’t supposed to do that!” He chuckled ruefully. “Point taken. Glass houses and stones, yada yada…”

She slid into the chair he held for her and turned away the offered menu. “I don’t need it today Jervy. Can you see if Yves has some of his special roast and maybe just something light? Whatever he’s working on will do just fine. Tell May I asked her to call, will you?”

“I’ll do that. Girl needs to spend more time outside of that lab anyway. Its not good to spend so much time working. A night out partying with you lot is exactly what she needs. Thanks Miss Charlotte!”

“Don’t thank me yet. You’re the one who has to tend the hangover!”

“I think I’ve got just a bit of experience tending my daughter’s hangovers. Never fear, my Bloody Mary’s will save the day after!” They shared a grin and he moved off toward the kitchen while she pulled out a tablet and began working away at the imagery she had gathered earlier. A detail caught her eye, fine droplets reaching above the larger more visible splashes of gore.

Flipping through a few filtered views she pulled out further detail and noted what she found, dashing a note off to Tommy to ensure they took samples all the way up the face of the building and on the roof as well as across the street and on the roof there. She didn’t have a clear idea what she was looking at but the details had triggered the beginnings of one.

She looked up from her tablet and noticed that a carafe and cup had appeared so took the opportunity to pour herself a cup ad then spooned sugar into it before taking a deep breath of the vapor and then a cautious sip. A little sigh of contentment escaped as she turned her attention back to her work, finally putting the tablet away as Yves appeared with a plate.

“Hiya Yves, whatcha got today?”

“Just a small treat. Shrimp ceviche and a cup of she-crab soup. Interested in company for lunch?”
He flashed a million watt smile and her resolve to work suddenly fled.

“Of course, have a seat. Will you eat?” she saw Jervy arrive with a plate identical to her own. “Nevermind…”

He chuckled at her and she felt a familiar little tingle from the joy in it. “Sorry I ran out this morning… after last night I thought you’d want to sleep in a little and I had to be here….”

She reached over to touch his hand. “You just have to come back to make it up to me then… and maybe to get your shades…” She ended with a little teasing lilt and he swallowed hard.

“I wouldn’t dream of disappointing you. Maybe one day you will let me do a little more than stay the night, eh?” He took her hand in his and caressed the back of it gently with his thumb causing little thrills of pleasure.

“You know better than that Yves.” She slipped her hand free and picked up her spoon.

“I do Cherie, but you can’t blame a guy for trying. Maybe one day you will decide to share your life with someone and I would like to have a shot at being that someone.”

“I’m flattered Yves and I do have feelings for you… but you have to understand how hard that is for me. Maybe one day…”

“As you wish.” He joined her in eating and they sat in companionable silence until finishing.

“Thank you for leaving the cilantro out of my ceviche. It was wonderful but the soup is the true star! That was superb Yves, thank you.” She grinned at him and he returned the smile.

“Anything for you Cherie. I heard about the gore-fest over there, any ideas yet?”

She brought him up to speed on what was known so far and he shook his head. “Even in the army I never heard of such a thing! At least Thomas had the sense to call you. I’m sure you’ll have it figured out soon.”

“Your faith is touching. I’ve got a few things to attend to before I head back home.” She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss before rising and making her way out. Yves followed her out of sight with a wistful gaze before rising and bussing their table, heading back into the kitchen to continue preparing for dinner.

Charlotte emerged into the afternoon heat and made her way over a couple of streets to a concealed parking garage, waving at the attendant as she entered. She strapped on the gleaming vehicle that awaited, the door pulling down to close with a satisfyingly muffled thump as it seated and the locks engaged. The vehicle came alive and slid almost silently out of its space, rising on its suspension to give greater ground clearance.

Another wave to the attendant as she left and she was making her way off the peninsula, grateful for the soft and forgiving suspension which smoothed the uneven streets. Once she pulled onto the expressway to James Island speed increased and her car lowered itself, changing to highway mode. She kept herself to 75 miles per hour, confident the built in countermeasures would deflect radar and lidar but aware that she could only push it so far in this sort of traffic.

Afternoon rush hour had yet to begin so within a few minutes she made her way over to highway 17 and was soon out of town, traffic thinning as she passed Dodge’s. 20 minutes and some very aggressive driving later she crossed onto Edisto Island and soon pulled into a garage under a massively built beach house, plugging the car in before she made her way up into the house itself. Physical needs took priority and had her hurrying for the bathroom, exiting a moment later with a feeling of relief.

She wasn’t sure why she had felt the need to come to this house right now. It made her remember things she would rather forget, torments that had very nearly killed her before her husband and captor had a careless moment and enabled her to snatch a small paring knife. She concealed it until he got close enough and lashed out, catching him across the carotid artery.

He had backed away, blood fountaining from the wound and tried to hold it as he began to lose strength and sat on the floor abruptly. She sobbed and clutched her weapon with convulsive strength, watching him bleed out onto the cold tiles and wishing she could feel something other than relief as the blood spread between the cracks and reached in her direction. She crouched there for a very long time until the grey of morning made its way across the sky and reason came back to her slowly.

She managed to get his phone out of his pocket but screamed in frustration when she couldn’t unlock it. A search of his rapidly cooling corpse was futile and she began to wonder if she would be trapped here to die of starvation with a rotting corpse. The house was built like a fortress and locked down tightly with massive security doors, bullet resistant glass on the windows. She had tried for months to break out when he left but nothing she could do would more than scar the finish around a door or two.

Several hours of fruitless searching had her on the ragged edge of utter exhaustion, almost ready to admit defeat. The depression that came over her was so overwhelming she almost missed the muffled knocking at the door to the garage staircase.

“Mr Mcnair, is everything ok? This is deputy Rowling.”

There was a moment of silence and then the knock came again, louder. “Mr Mcnair, your car was crashed through your garage door, are you ok in there?”

When she first heard the knocking she could only assume it had been one of the men who had come to rape and torture her but after a moment she began to unfreeze. Even if it was one of the men, at least she wouldn’t starve to death in the prison this house was. The feeling of relief was so strong it was everything she cold to gather enough strength to go stumbling toward the door and weakly pound on it.

“Help me please. He’s dead and I can’t get out and I’ve been here so long…” She collapsed in tears, slumping against the door. She woke with a start at renewed pounding on the door.

“Miss, you need to move as far away from the door as you can ok? We’re about to tear it out of the wall and we don’t want you to get hurt. Can you get around a corner or behind something?”

She did as instructed going around a corner and peering past to see the door. “Okay, I’m safe now!” She yelled as loudly as she could manage.

“Okay, stay safe, we‘re starting now!”

He proved true to his word as the whine of hydraulics in the garage built to a crescendo and the door began to slowly pull away, dragging a fair portion of wall with it. It finally tore away with a rending screech and a thunderous fall down the stairs.

Before she could even move men came through the door dressed in full body armor, pointing weapons in every direction. In just a moment they declared the house clear except for the corpse and the woman huddled against a wall sobbing, trembling with fear. She was a fearsome sight, covered in blood, congealed blood matting her hair to her head, completely naked and clutching a tiny paring knife.

One of the men in regular uniform sat down a few feet in front of her, crossing his legs and sitting silently until she looked up.

“I’m Deputy Rowling. I was the one knocking on the door. I know this is hard for you but you need to tell me something, ok?”

His expression was gentle and she nodded.

“Do you need a doctor right away?” He watched her expression lose its slight relaxation and become something like terror as she shook her head violently.

“Okay, but you do have an awful lot of blood on you…” His tone was doubtful.

“Not mine…” she managed to get out.

“Okay, can you give me the knife? Nobody here is going to hurt you, I promise.” He watched unmoving as she looked down at the knife in her hands as if seeing it for the first time before she convulsively threw it away from her to clatter on the hardwood in the living area.

“Will you let the paramedics take a look at you? You might not be bleeding but you like you’ve been beaten half to death.” He drew another man near.

“This is Kenneth. He’s a paramedic and he’ll give you a quick examination, ok?” She nodded, still fearful but too exhausted to continue fighting.

With gentle movements Kenneth helped her to unfold herself and examined her while using wipes to remove as much of the blood as possible. His expressions as her bruises were uncovered gained a glittering hardness and she could tell he was becoming angry.

“I’m sorry. I’m too much trouble. Just leave me alone, I’ll be ok… I’ve had worse.” She was still tense, resisting slightly when he tried to maneuver an arm or leg to examine and clean it after taking swabs.

“Girl if you’ve had worse I’m amazed you’re alive. We really need to get you to the trauma center at MUSC as quickly as possible. The helo will be here in ten minutes and you need to go with them, ok?” He was wiping the last of the blood from her face and she gave a murmur of assent, too numb to give much more of a response.

He stayed with her and when they tried to transfer her to a backboard for transport she resisted, insisting on walking. It wasn’t much of a walk, more like managing to move her feet while Kenneth supported her weight. Moving slowly they made it out to the beach where the helo waited and as soon as everyone was secured they lifted and made best speed to Charleston.

Soon they were landing and the hustle of triage began in earnest. She suffered silently, only whimpering occasionally when one of her old breaks was handled carelessly. A sedative was offered once she’d told her story to the police and the doctors what seemed like a thousand times and finally, thankfully, the pain began to recede until it was a dull roar rather than the screaming agony it had been and she was able to begin to relax.

Relaxed or not, every time someone touched her even lightly she flinched away. Finally after what seemed like days of tests and machines she was left alone in a room with the lights dimmed after being given another sedative. Even with chemical assistance she lay there for hours, replaying the worst of the ordeals in her mind, feeling each remembered agony as keenly as she had when it happened. That was the closest she had come to a dream in a very long time.

Over the months the whole story came out, lurid details of her suffering in captivity, even doubts as to how much she could have suffered. They pointed to photos of their happy honeymoon, their years spent travelling the globe as a glamourous couple and the idyllic life they had shared. No one ever seemed to mention the threats to her loved ones, the wrath that left her unable to hide some of the bruises and the weeks she would spend away from the public eye while the latest healed.

No one had taken it amiss when her usual months long absences turned into a year, then two. By then all of her friends had faded away, their overtures being coolly rebuffed by her husband or simply unanswered. She had been utterly alone with no one to care that she lived or died and the knowledge had eaten at her soul. The only thing that kept her going was the birds she could see from the windows, the fact that she could see life existed outside her prison.

Once or twice a week he would bring food, never more than just enough for a week if she ate sparingly. He didn’t trust her to cook for him, she had shrieked and fought her defiance until he simply beat her into submission. Eventually she learned to try to please him but it never mattered, the beatings never grew less brutal, the rape never less painful and humiliating. 5 years of hell, of terror and pain and she was finally free, at least in body.

Bones that had set badly had to be rebroken and allowed to heal properly and after that there was physical therapy, a slow agonizing crawl to simply be able to walk again. Once the bandages from reconstructive surgery came off she had to get used to a new face in the mirror. She had to admit that a lot of the flaws she had seen in her own hypercritical self-examination had been corrected. She was perhaps a little too flawless, everything in perfect proportion, the scarring completely hidden.

She had the beach house repaired but did not return. Instead she found a small island in the marshes that had a dilapidated old shack and a dangerous looking old dock. She paid a great deal of money to have it turned into a self sufficient fortress while retaining the abandoned look. The pier still looked like it would fall down at a stiff breeze but in reality would be untouched by a category 5 hurricane… as would the rest of her home.

It became her refuge as she gradually learned to move, to run, to fight. She studied exhaustively, devouring everything she could on any subject. She hunted and fished for food in the surrounding marshes as her physical condition improved and by the time she was ready to rejoin the world 3 years later she was an entirely different person from the trusting little girl desperate for validation of her identity as a woman.

Her hair had regrown to the small of her back and she was at a peak of physical fitness few ever attained. She never competed formally but her times for running, biking or swimming almost any distance were world class for male athletes, much less for other female ones.

In all this time she had not spoken to a soul, did not even speak to herself. She didn’t see another human being the entire time, having her meds delivered to a mailbox she checked once a month. It suited her, gave her time to heal from the years of horror and pain, time to learn not to hate herself all over again. Nothing could change her now instinctive distrust of others though.

The little girl who had felt free to tell her parents she wasn’t a boy, couldn’t pretend to be one anymore and been sure they would love her and help her be who she truly was.. That trusting little girl was gone forever and in her place was a grown woman with a need, a hunger, to bring men like the one who had killed her parents and stolen her from everything she had ever known to justice. A woman who wore the scars of her survival proudly.

Eventually she began to make her way to town, gradually acclimating to being around other people again, learning not to flinch when someone came too close, learning to speak again in a way. At first just enough to order a meal, in a voice almost too low to be heard as she looked downward, never meeting anyone’s eyes. She would eat quickly and neatly, never leaving a crumb or slight smear of sauce and then disappear, leaving a tip often larger than her bill.

No one knew her name, no one knew where she lived, only that she would arrive in a hired sedan and leave the same way. Only the staff at the various restaurants she patronized recognized her and they all deferred to her desire for silence, only speaking to her when she asked a question. She enrolled in postgraduate studies at three of the universities in her area, splitting her time between the Citadel, University of Charleston and the Medical University of South Carolina, completing multiple post grad degrees and proceeding to add doctorates in diverse fields.

In all this time, she never spoke unless spoken to, and only the minimum of words required. Her classmates knew her only as the ghost who seemed to always fade from sight even in the middle of a crowded room. None of them even knew her name and more than a few thought she could not speak at all.

She moved though the world as though she were not truly part of it, in some ways as though she simply didn’t exist. She didn’t want it to be that way, she wanted to have friends who she could share everything with, a normal life, someone to love and to trust with all of her being. She wondered if that had been taken away from her forever by that monster. Had she killed him only to spend the rest of her days in a prison of his making?

One day she arrived home to find an old wooden canoe tied up to her dock with an old woman who appeared to be taking a nap. Her skin was the color of dark milk chocolate and the wrinkles in her face seemed like a roadmap to a long and adventurous life. As Charlotte let her boat silently drift to kiss the dock and tied off the woman sat up and smiled.

It was an extravagant smile, one that told stories of love and life and pain and loss but mostly of endurance. “Its good to see you child.”

Charlotte was dumbfounded. Here in front of her was a woman she had thought long dead, the woman who had rocked Marcus and her in their cradles and sung to them of wild and magical worlds, of the marshes and the demons and spirits who dwelt within.

“Grandmother! How? I thought you were gone, dead… Oh god I’m so happy to see you!” She almost fell into the water trying to hug between boats until they clambered onto the dock and stood there for what seemed like ages clinging to each other.

Finally the older woman held her at arm’s length, examining her from head to toe. “For a dead girl, you look pretty good!”

“Rumors of my demise were greatly exaggerated Grams… it was a close run thing though. I can’t tell you how many times your words kept me from killing myself. I survived though, and I killed the raping bastard that killed my parents and stole me.” The steely tone in her voice was tempered with pain.

“I know you did child, and I’m proud of you… you did the Lord’s work that day. I’m worried about you though, you keep to yourself too much. Marcus does too since he got home from the war. I think it’d be good for the 2 of you to have a few drinks together, maybe start to learn how to talk again, you know?”

She must have seen the look on Charlotte’s face. “I know better than to try getting you two together hon… he and Mike are good together. I just think you might be able to help each other out a little. Neither one of you says a single word you don’t absolutely have to and you’ve both closed yourself off from everyone. You’re both hurting and I don’t know how to help. I never could help Henry, god rest his soul. He climbed into a bottle when he got home from Vietnam and just never came out. I don’t want that for my grandson…”

“Grams you know I’ll do everything I can to help. I’d rather keep my home a secret though. Maybe at your house?”

The old woman shook her head “It was the boy who found the place so nevermind secrets. He misses you child, you’re the sister he never got to have. Now I’m gonna go get him, I’ll be back in an hour or so. Why don’t you pull up some of those oysters you’ve got hanging in the water and get em on for a roast? I’ll bring Marcus and the beer but after that I’ll leave you two alone ok?”

“That actually sounds like a really good idea, thanks Grams.” They hugged again and the older woman paddled away seeming like she hadn’t a care in the world. Charlotte watched her until trees obscured her from sight and then went about getting things ready. She carefully built a fire on a concrete slab she’d left bare for the purpose, covering it with a sheet of corrugated metal roofing and setting a bucket full of water soaked burlap bags beside the fire. All preparation finished, she sat in a lawn chair watching the beginnings of a glorious sunset over the marsh, allowing her mind to wander with the noises of seabirds and the flipping splashes of schooling shrimp.

Over the past few years she had learned to be still within herself, to sit there as one with nature, breathing in tune with the land and water itself, feeling the myriad of small lives that surrounded her refuge, the refuge they shared with her. The slow quiet dip of a paddle into the water, the slight ripple that formed at the bow announced the arrival of the canoe and its silent cargo.

True to her word, the older woman unloaded a large cooler of beer along with 2 bottles of single malt before paddling away without a word, leaving her grandson standing awkwardly on the pier.

Charlotte wordlessly waved toward a chair and handed him a beer before she began to scatter the oysters onto the tin and cover them with the wet burlap. Another layer of tin went atop that and they sat in silence for a time while the oysters steamed. By the time the first batch was ready they had both finished a six pack and shared a shot each but the only words that had passed between them came when they clinked shot glasses and toasted “Absent Companions”.

Two wounded souls found companionship in a way that they had not for many years as dusk turned to darkness, lit only by the dim glow of their fire and fireflies off in the marsh. When the time came they removed the top layer of sheeting and sacks and each donned a heavy glove on one hand, picking up a stubby thick handled and bladed knife in the other. For a time they simply sat there, shucking oysters and slurping the liquor like the nectar of the sea that it was before letting the oysters slide on down to have a swim in beer.

The shells were flung out into the night in every direction to help establish new wild beds, a ritual humanity had followed since arriving in this place tens of thousands of years before. Together they spread a second layer to steam and then sat in the darkness again.

“I’m glad you killed that bastard.”

She paused, considering for a long moment. “I’m not. I haven’t slept the night through since I got off the meds. No matter how much he did to me I can’t get it out of my head, him pleading for me to save him and me hating him so badly that I wanted him to bleed forever. It doesn’t matter that there was nothing I could do anyway…”

She trailed off, sure she’d said too much and was surprised when he reached over and enveloped her in a hug. “Welcome to the soldier side Charlie…I’m sorry it had to be that way. I’m sorry I went off and signed up and wasn’t there to protect my little sister from that bastard.”

“It wasn’t your fault Markie… you had to go deal with your own demons, kill your own monsters. I know why you left and if you remember I’m the one who told you to do it. Don’t ever be sorry on my account big brother. The thing that matters is that we are both still here. We both lived through our own hells and came out the other side.”

“I don’t think you ever really get out of hell Charlie. It eats its way into your soul and never leaves.”

The darkness and sounds of the marsh enveloped them as they sat there, each trying to gather the courage to say what needed to be said. She was the one to break the silence first.

“I’m so sorry I got between you and Mike, caused you both so much trouble… I’m sorry I convinced him to sign up. He missed you so badly once you were gone and it became clear to both of us that it was truly you he was in love with. Its my fault you both had to go into that hellhole…” She was crying silently, tears glistening on her cheeks in reflected firelight.

“Never apologize Charlie. Shit happens and we both made it through mostly intact. Its not your fault some intel weenie fucked us over… but Mike and I made it out of there because we had to get back to you. We both love you Charlie, you’re our sister and so much more…” He was crying too now.

“Charlie we thought you were dead… no one had seen or heard of you for years… We even had a funeral, burned a boat and everything… We had no idea you were 60 miles away…”

This time it was her who moved over and enveloped him in a hug, stroking his hair as he cried against her chest. Finally she pulled his face up and forced him to meet her eyes.

“Markie, its not your fault. You and Mike did everything you could but not even the locals knew I was being held there… It was just luck he was so eager to beat on me that he didn’t wait for his garage door to open. I would have starved to death in that prison if that deputy hadn’t thought to check things out.” She stroked his check and then kissed it. “I’m touched by the Viking funeral. Thank you, both of you for that.”

“Grams lit the pyre.”

“Sounds like her.” She climbed off his lap and plopped herself into her own chair. “Now we’ve got us another bushel of oysters to kill and we’ve only just touched the whiskey.” She raised her voice so it carried into the darkness. “Mike I know you’re out there, I heard your bow ripple. Get on over here and give me a hug and then show your husband some love, will you?”

“Yes Ma’am!” came from the darkness and she could hear as he dug in with his paddle, quickly pulling up and tying off before stepping ashore. “I wanted you two to have a little time first…”

“Thank you for that Mike, you’re an angel.” She hugged him hard. “Now sit down, lets have a drink and get down to some serious eating!”

2 additional bushels were consumed and by the time dawn broke the whiskey was gone and the last beer was being drained. Charlotte showed them to a large bedroom with a king sized bed and helped both of them roll into it, watching them snuggle into each other with contented sighs before making her way into her own bed and falling fast asleep, still clothed and drooling into her pillow.

“Markie, its not your fault. You and Mike did everything you could but not even the locals knew I was being held there… It was just luck he was so eager to beat on me that he didn’t wait for his garage door to open. I would have starved to death in that prison if that deputy hadn’t thought to check things out.” She stroked his check and then kissed it. “I’m touched by the Viking funeral. Thank you, both of you for that.”

“Grams lit the pyre.”

“Sounds like her.” She climbed off his lap and plopped herself into her own chair. “Now we’ve got us another bushel of oysters to kill and we’ve only just touched the whiskey.” She raised her voice so it carried into the darkness. “Mike I know you’re out there, I heard your bow ripple. Get on over here and give me a hug and then show your husband some love, will you?”

“Yes Ma’am!” came from the darkness and she could hear as he dug in with his paddle, quickly pulling up and tying off before stepping ashore. “I wanted you two to have a little time first…”

“Thank you for that Mike, you’re an angel.” She hugged him hard. “Now sit down, lets have a drink and get down to some serious eating!”

2 additional bushels were consumed and by the time dawn broke the whiskey was gone and the last beer was being drained. Charlotte showed them to a large bedroom with a king sized bed and helped both of them roll into it, watching them snuggle into each other with contented sighs before making her way into her own bed and falling fast asleep, still clothed and drooling into her pillow.

And Now ********

Still unsure why she had come here Charlotte changed into a swimsuit and made her way out onto the beach, ensconcing herself in a chaise lounge and poring over the imagery from her tablet again. Something about the patterns, the way the gore splashed and then ran through cracks and crevices was bothering her and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. It reminded her of the scene that had occurred in the house behind her but there was something wrong.

After an hour of fruitless searching she decided to give her mind a rest and went for a swim, finding herself accompanied by a small pod of dolphins. They swam and frolicked until the shadows began to lengthen and she took her leave of the small family. She took a quick shower of lukewarm water to wash the salt off before going inside and changing back into her clothes from earlier. Her car was waiting for her, seeming almost eager as she strapped in and slowly made her way off the island, waving to Deputy Rowling as she passed him parked in his usual spot behind the “Welcome to Edisto Beach” sign. He tipped his hat to her and made a “call me” motion, smiling when she nodded.

Once out of his sight she started pushing it and was doing well over 170 as she blew through Adam’s Run. She enjoyed pushing herself, her reactions on these narrow back country roads and the police knew better than to bother chasing her. Her vehicle was quite distinctive and if one of them felt the need to issue a ticket they would… but it hadn’t happened yet. She had raced half of them growing up on these same roads anyway and had never accepted pinks when she won.

Within 30 minutes she was pulling back into her semi-concealed spot in the downtown garage and giving her machine a fond pat while plugging it in. There was time so she decided a little treat was in order and made her way over to the Market for a dalliance with a gigantic slice of triple fudge cake and a couple of chocolate appletinis at Kaminsky’s. She was still engrossed in the imagery from the crime scene, feeling there was something right in front of her eyes that was missing. The staff was used to her oddities and huge tips so she was largely left to herself, although they did seat her with her back to the wall given the things she was working on.

She preferred the dessert bar in part because of the clientele. In a normal coffee shop or bar she would be bothered by people looking for a date or a hookup or even just some conversation but here the rowdy drunks were mostly female and generally not on the prowl. It didn’t hurt that the desserts were not just the best in town but served in portions large enough to enable 2 to split a single piece of cake and still be stuffed.

She had been there for what seemed like only a few minutes when a large presence settled in opposite her, picked up her fork and proceeded to demolish the large piece of cake she’d left and killed her drink to wash it down. She looked up and grinned at Tommy as he rubbed his moderate belly.

“You know one of these days you’re gonna mistake some other woman for me and get a fork in your hand for that trick.”

“Not likely, you’re pretty distinctive. I don’t know how you manage to eat while looking at that stuff. Which brings me to my point.” He leaned forward and his voice lowered a little. “There are microdroplets all up and down the street and even the next street over toward the Battery. On the roofs, in the trees, all over. How the hell does that happen?”

Charlotte put her tablet down and blanked the screen. “Tommy, as soon as I figure it out I’ll tell you. Right now all the options I can think of just don’t fit. We’ll see what the lab gives us tomorrow. Did you get the filters for the drains sorted out?”

“I took your advice, went to a fabric store and got a few bolts of cloth that will do the job quite well. It all had to be cleaned and sterilized but the filters are in place as of 30 minutes ago. We’ve got a couple of people down there to remove them if it starts to flood so we don’t lose evidence to backflow. Even if it doesn’t bring us anything useful on this case it is certainly something we’ll keep in the toolbox. What other sort of tricks do you know?”
“Always glad to help out Tommy but I don’t know any tricks…” she smirked to herself at his expression. “I do know Nora is waiting for you and I’m sure she’s hungry. Go get some sleep Tommy.”

“She’s a lab, she’s always hungry! But you’re right, I’ve been going since 0 stupid thirty.” He yawned and she pointed to a car that had just rolled to a stop outside.

“Your ride is here.”

He looked at the car and her and smiled. “Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Likely.”

He stood to go and turned back to her for a moment. “Charlotte… just… please be careful, OK?” He walked away without waiting for a response and she watched him get into the car before it rolled away on its safely automated journey.

Just as she stood to follow a call came in and she toggled her earpiece to accept. “Well fancy getting a call from a sexy man at this hour. How was the evening?”

She laughed at his response. “So, something can take your attention away from food, eh?” Leaving her usual discrete cash tip at the table she made her way out onto the street and began walking back toward Unity Alley. “I’ll be there by the time you can get yourself out of the kitchen!”

She disconnected the call and slowed her normal businesslike walk knowing it took more than 5 minutes for Yves to get out of the kitchen much less the restaurant. She used the time to order a car for them then just strolled along looking at the remnants of the dining crowd. The serious party crowd was just starting to crank up and the admixture could provide some entertaining people watching.

The atmosphere was a little subdued but there was a humming in her nerves, a tension born only partly from the distant booming of the approaching storm that lit ominous thunderheads from within. She found herself watching passersby with an eye tuned to more than just idle people, looking for the threat she could feel lurking somewhere in the city she loved. She absently toggled the incoming call and was a little surprised to hear Mel’s voice.

“Meet me at the dock as soon as you pick Yves up. This storm is gonna get nasty and I want to get you two home safely before it hits.” She sounded like her usual laid back self but with an undercurrent of the same tension Charlotte felt.

“I’m not even going to ask. You plan on staying at mine?”

“Nope, going on to spend the night with Tina at hers. Not a night to be alone, you know?”

Charlotte laughed. “Right, I bet you’re all shakin in your boots! Strumpet!”

“You’re one to talk! Cya in a few!” Mel disconnected.

In another minute she arrived at the door to the restaurant just as Yves was escorting diners out and bidding them good evening. The car rolled up just as he turned to Charlotte and she allowed him to open the door before she slid in and he followed. Within five minutes they were at the dock where Mel was waiting with the canopy open. They were quickly seated and making headway through what had become an extremely rough chop until Mel was able to get up on the planes.

The ride became fairly tense as Mel gained speed but kept it quite a bit below the speed she had achieved that morning. Even riding foils it was rough, wind rising and buffeting the little craft to and fro. By the time they pulled up to Charlotte’s dock Mel was visibly stressed, clipping out a curt goodbye and taking off as quickly as they were clear.

Charlotte followed with her eyes until Yves drew her attention by pulling her around for a kiss. They made their way indoors but Charlotte didn’t fully relax until she got a text from Mel notifying her of a safe arrival at her girlfriend’s home. With that worry taken care of she was able to enjoy the dinner Yves had brought for them to share and soon they were sharing a smoke and a cocktail while watching the storm roll in from offshore. They both enjoyed the wildness of the marsh in this kind of weather and the lightshow nature was providing but after a time Yves clearly had other things on his mind and as he kissed her and stroked sensitive spots she gradually caught fire.

The remainder of the storm went unnoticed, at least by them. When Charlotte awoke she lay there for a moment in the cool morning light listening to rain still pounding down outside. Yves stirred and mumbled as she gently moved his arm and slid out from under, making her way to the bathroom without waking him. Her thoughts were back on the case until he joined her in the shower and they spent a time enjoying each other before turning to the business of getting clean which was in itself quite sensual.

By the time she was dressed Yves was just plating duck egg omelets for both and pulling a pan of crispy bacon from one of the ovens, croissants from another. He slid the plates onto the table and sat opposite her.

“You went to Edisto yesterday?”

She found herself unable to look at him for some reason and didn’t reply for a moment as she addressed a croissant, immersing herself in the taste and smell. “Something told me to go back there and… I don’t know. Its not as hard as it used to be. I swam with a dolphin family and it was freeing somehow. I think I finally realized the ghost haunting that place wasn’t actually him… it was me.”

“So it was good?” She pulled her eyes from the food and finally looked up into his face with a question on her lips. “I know what it is, to be a ghost. You feel like you should not have survived and wonder if you really did…”

He looked so sad in that moment, it was instinctive to reach across the table and capture his hand with her own. “No one should have to know that feeling…”

They held hands for a moment, each of them taking comfort from the simple contact. When they finally did release and go back to eating it was a moment before either of them spoke.

“I don’t want you to go anywhere Yves…” She trailed off and then gathered herself. “I mean… I want you to stay. More than just overnight, I mean. However long… you know…” That was as much as she could get out and she sat there watching as he examined her and chewed.

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you… but I think I have been clear about what I want. Are you sure you want this?” He took another bite and this time it was him sitting there watching while she toyed with her food.

“This is so much harder than I thought it would be…” she had taken to ripping the remnants of her croissant into little pieces. “Yes, I’m sure I want this… you… I have been for a long time now. Its just extremely difficult for me to truly let anyone in. Into my home, yes, but more importantly into my heart. To even admit that I want that was so hard to do... I’ve been so terrified I kept you at arm’s length and I shouldn’t have.”

She had finally finished ripping her croissant to shreds and was now breaking off little pieces of bacon to stack on a bite of omelet. She finally lifted her fork and stuck it in her mouth, chewing slowly as she watched him finish eating. He wordlessly rose and took both of their plates at a slight nod from her, placing them in the sink before he turned and took her hand, pulling Charlotte to her feet and into his arms. She clung to him tightly and they just stood there for a time taking comfort in each other’s embrace.

“I really need to get a better boat then…” he chuckled and she relished the sound, the smell of him.

Charlotte pulled back and looked into his eyes. “I, um, have something to show you…” She led him down a corridor to a heavily reinforced hatch and keyed the combination. Thick bolts retracted and she hauled against it with all her weight causing it to swing silently open. The familiar surroundings of the “parking lot” were revealed but floating moored next to her sleek 2 seat ‘foil was another with similar coloring and a larger model that would seat 6 easily with significant cargo.

“Mel has been working on these for me… I had the larger model in the works for a while now but you need a runabout too…” She trailed off uncertainly.

He swept her up into a hug and just held her for a moment. “Thank you Cheri… No one has ever given me a boat before! I don’t even know what to say!”

She laughed at his glee and deadpanned “Say you’ll let Mel teach you how to pilot it.” He looked at her with mock hurt and she giggled at him again. “These things are massively overpowered and as touchy as a racing bike on steroids. The autocompensators make them easy to pilot at a decent speed but if you are in rough conditions or need a serious turn of speed it’s a different animal. Screwing up in those conditions can get you killed.”

He sobered and looked at the boat with new respect. “Why won’t you teach me?”

“I really suck as a teacher. Besides, you need to learn good habits, not my habits. Would you like me trying to teach you how to drive Oscar?”

“I think not. I’ve never seen better but I don’t have a clue how you do it and I don’t want to know. Your driving scares the hell out of me!” Yves shook his head as she laughed at his response. “I will ask Mel.”

She unexpectedly hugged him tightly. “Thank you Yves… I couldn’t stand to lose you…”

He was a little lost at her sudden turn and could only hold her as she clung to him. When she finally did let go she looked up into his face, gave a quick nod of satisfaction to herself and detached to lead him back out of the “parking lot” before she secured the hatch.

“I have no real reason to leave the house today...” Charlotte looked over her shoulder at him as he followed her down the corridor.

A little later they lay intertwined on her bed catching their breath and Charlotte was absorbed in the way light fell across his chest as his breathing began to slow, half in a daze and still not quite sure she hadn’t had an out of body experience. “I could get used to this…” she groaned out and he chuckled.

“I don’t think I could Cherie… My heart won’t stand it…” Yves laughed again and she relished the sound, velvety and rich. “But I would die a very happy man!”

“You don’t get to die anytime soon Mr Montgolfier!”

“As you wish… I suppose I will only be mostly dead, eh?” He chuckled again as she swatted him lightly.

“You’re hardly a Dread Pirate… but you are my Wesley.” She kissed him deeply before rolling away and to her feet. When she came out of the bathroom he was engrossed in a news story about the killings, staring at the screen with morbid fascination at the scene as it had looked the previous day, then at a flash of a reporter standing in the rain gesturing at the now much cleaner building and sidewalk.

“Police have no solid leads on what they say are the grisly murders of 3 men. Their remains were deposited all over the front of the Post Office here on Broad Street in an as yet unknown way. Police tell us the investigation is ongoing and ask that anyone who saw anything night before last on Broad Street between 4:00 and 5:00. If you have any information call the local police or our tip line here at channel 5. For Live 5 News, I’m Debbi Jacobs.”

The scene cut away to the anchor desk and a man began droning on about street closures due to flooding. That was hardly news to anyone who had lived in the area more than a year or two and they tuned it out by habit, Charlotte with the old familiarity of a native daughter and Yves with the casual disregard of a transplant who’d grown roots.

Yves looked over and saw the suddenly grim expression on Charlotte’s face. A wisecrack died unuttered and he swore under his breath in French before rising to take her in his arms. It was some moments before she could manage to relax and return the hug, breathing deeply to calm herself. “Feel better?”

It took a second for her to realize he had spoken and she pulled away to look up into his face. “About as good as I’m going to get…” She pulled away and stood looking out into the pallid day.

He busied himself for a moment at the table, then drew her to a futon that looked out over the water, grey and restless, distance obliterated by hissing rain. They both sat there in silence, her thought-fugue uninterrupted while he lit up and they shared a smoke. About halfway through she looked at him, clearly back in the room mentally.

“I don’t know where to start Yves. There has to be something I’ve missed…”

“Or something you saw but didn’t understand what it meant at the time. Stop trying to see the pattern and let your subconscious work on it for a little bit. You know this Cherie, I have seen you work before.” His hand worked around as he talked and began to tease out the knots of tension that had formed in her neck and shoulders as she relaxed into his ministrations.

“You’re right… if you weren’t here I’d just be going over and over the same information, trying to cudgel an answer out of my brain. Thank you Yves.” She turned and kissed him lightly.

“Nice to know I’m useful for something…” he teasingly murmured.

“I wouldn’t care if you weren’t, you know…”

“Useful?”

“Or helpful, or a world class chef, or amazing in bed…” Charlotte paused. “Well okay, maybe that last one would make a difference…” She squealed as he tickled her gently, rolling over and around to sit astride his lap, facing him.

“I mean it Yves. I want you for you, not for anything you can do or provide… just you, here, with me. Everything else is a bonus.” She kissed him gently and looked into his eyes.

He returned her regard, losing himself in the green-flecked amber of her gaze. “I am hopelessly in love with you, you know…”

“I…” she had to almost force the words out “I am hopelessly in love with you too Yves. It is still very hard for me, so be patient when I freeze up, ok?”

“For you Cherie, I will wait until the mountains themselves erode to nothing. I understand what it is to be hurt so badly you do not think you will ever be able to love, to trust… to truly live again…” a tear made its way down his cheek “But it does get better. You know this, you have come so far from the invisible girl who ghosted in and out of people’s lives and restaurants.”

Charlotte gently kissed the tear away and brushed his lips with her own. “Thank you. I know it does but I have times still when I just need to retreat, shut the world out…” She kissed him gently again “but not you. I never want to shut you out Yves.”

She slid backward, put one foot to the floor and spun away, pulling him up with her. “Now, you need to learn a few things about this house.”

Several hours later they were in the kitchen, Yves displaying his prodigious knife skills while Mel, Charlotte and Tina looked on with something approaching awe. He looked up at the 3 women while seemingly blindly chopping away. “So Tina, Charlotte tells me you designed the place?”

Receiving an affirmative nod he continued. “I think you did an excellent job. It has a very light and airy feel, not at all what I would have expected from a hardened bunker. The job of camouflage you did on the island is impressive… I would never have guessed a ramshackle looking little island shack would harbor such a home if I hadn’t been here already. I am impressed in every way.”

He swung his attention to Mel. “You designed the weapons emplacements?” He swept his cutting board clean and turned to the cooktop for a moment, swinging back as loud sizzling noises came from a skillet.

Mel puffed on her pipe for a moment, emitting sweet smelling blue smoke. “Not exactly. I designed the weapons. The emplacements and the overall defensive design? That was all Charlie.” She gestured with the stem of her pipe. “Your girl here is absolutely fiendish. She built the surroundings for a mile out in a virtual sim and spent a year trying to crack it, making improvements every time she succeeded. Then she put it out there for gamers and gave that another 6 months. Lots of SF types seemed to like playing that sim and they got really creative on both ends, trying to crack the design and building improvements to it.”

“Wait… this is the house from SwampSeige? It doesn’t look anything like the sims!” he paused and considered for a moment. “Of course it doesn’t… you took all the lessons you learned and used them for a new design.”

Mel nodded and continued. “We both knew her from designing and building the original place but it was years later that we met her in person. She turned up at Tina’s place one morning, scared the hell out of both of us. I was out on the dock looking at the water one moment, turned around and there she was with a net bag full of crabs in one hand, spear gun in the other and like 6 knives strapped to her legs and arms. Nothing else but a tiny string bikini. I almost fell right into the water I was so shocked, Tina runs out with gun drawn and there they are, spear gun against 9mm at like 30 feet.”

Yves was chuckling to himself envisioning the scenario as he spun around, popped the results of his knifework into another skillet and gave the first one a good shake and toss. The aromas were beginning to build and there was yet another batch of ingredients ready for prep so he worked on. “I would have loved to see that one! Who backed down first?”

“Have you seen her in that getup? Scary as hell and dead sexy. I don’t think I could have pulled the trigger if I’d had to… and I suspect it wouldn’t have done any good if I had. I think I’d want a hell of a lot more firepower than that to go against your girl here.” Tina laughed ruefully. “There I was being all Betty Bad-Ass and she just gives me this big lazy grin like a tigress licking her chops after a tasty meal. Damn near pissed myself.”

“Didn’t stop you from ogling her the rest of the night!” Mel hooted and slapped the counter.

“Me? I thought we were gonna have to push your eyeballs back in their sockets!” The couple teased each other for a moment while Yves paused, looking at Charlotte in an odd way. She caught his look and licked her lips just the tiniest bit, smiling as she watched him adjust himself subtly. The interplay wasn’t lost on the other couple as Tina watched and burst out laughing.

“Go easy on the poor guy Charlie! We want to eat before you drive him to a stroke or something!”

Charlotte pretended to be aghast. “Me? I haven’t done anything at all! I’m just sitting here!” The other 3 just looked at her until she burst into a fit of giggles.

“I knew it! She does do it on purpose!” Mell got out between her own laughter.

“I do not!” Charlotte thought for a second “Well mostly I don’t… I can’t help it if people get all bothered with me sitting there doing nothing. Blame it on the surgeons.”

“I’ve seen your before pictures. I couldn’t tell much difference…” Tina was quieter now, almost somber.

“Yeah… you haven’t seen the photos from when they took me out of house at Edisto. My own mother wouldn’t have known me.”

“Still… its only partly your looks. It’s the way you carry yourself, like you’re always dancing but ready to do violence in an instant. You just have this presence about you, like a coral snake. Beautiful, but the sort of beauty any sane person runs away from as fast as they can.” Tina’s tone had regained a little of its jocularity but was still serious.

“How odd.” Charlotte mused. “That’s totally not how I see myself, or what I want to project…”

“That’s why you have such an impact. Anyone who watches you for more than a second can tell there is no artifice with you. I don’t even think you’re capable of lying on purpose except by omission. I think you’re the most… uncomplicated person I’ve ever met.” Tina smiled at her again. “Trust me, that’s a good thing!”

Yves chimed in “She’s right, you know. I’ve seen you walk into a crowded bar… its like a tigress walking into a gathering of housecats. People instinctively clear space around you without even realizing it. At the same time you can sit in a chair in the middle of the place and its like no one actually sees you. Fun to watch even if it is a little spooky.”

He had his attention fully on the cooktop at this point, all 6 burners occupied by now. Delightful smells filled the air as he shook and flipped, stirred or otherwise manipulated pots and pans. 2 ovens were occupied and close to finishing their timers as he added sherry to one skillet and cognac to another causing great billows of flame as the alcohol caught fire. Conversation lagged as they watched him work and a few minutes later the meal was ready, plated and on the table.

After a moment to admire his plating they all dug in. Appreciative moans filled the air as they all savored that first intense burst of flavor before following Yves’ lead in taking a sip of the excellent wine he had decanted earlier.

“Wow… I think this might be the best thing I’ve ever tasted. You are an absolute genius Yves! I didn’t even know half of this stuff was edible.” Mel took another sip of her wine and savored for a moment before returning her attention to the plate.

“Charlotte taught me about what was safe to eat but the idea is as old as cooking. Now they call it being a locavore but mostly it is the way people have eaten for all of human history. It is just using what is locally available.” He shrugged and continued eating.

“Whatever. False modesty does not become you Yves.”

That drew a laugh from the table and another shrug from the now red-faced chef. Good natured banter between the four accompanied the remainder of the meal and the stunning pluot tart he produced for dessert paired perfectly with an almond and cinnamon infused absinthe.

Once finished Mel and Tina made short work of the dishes and shortly the 2 couples were ensconced in lounge chairs, each nursing another glass of absinthe as dusk descended upon the marsh, welcomed by the sounds of its nocturnal inhabitants going about their business.

They sat there well into the night drinking and smoking, getting quite thoroughly smashed and enjoying each other’s company along with the cooler night air that was becoming prevalent this time of year. The easy flow of conversation between friends made the hours pass quickly until the two couples unsteadily made their separate ways to bedrooms which were fortunately soundproofed as well as the rest of the house.

When Charlotte awoke the next morning sunlight was streaming into the room and her eyes were a little sensitive but overall she felt quite good. Yves had already gone but had left a note.

‘Cherie, Mel is teaching me how to drive your wonderful present. See you in town this afternoon? Yours, Yves Montgolfier’

She smiled fondly and took care of her immediate physical needs, then donned a swimsuit, stretched and made her way to the end of the dock before jumping in and swimming strongly but quietly out into the day. An hour later she made her way to land and began to run, settling into a long loping stride that was deceptively fast on the sandy trails. 90 minutes later she arrived back at her starting point, then changed footwear and mounted a road bike. The outbound leg was upwind today against a 15-20 mph breeze but she stayed above 35 mph regardless, letting her mind slip into an endorphin fueled half trance.

After an hour she reversed course and upped her tempo, occasionally reaching over 50 mph when the wind gusted at her back. She arrived back at start in well under 45 minutes then spent a few minutes stretching and cleaning her bike before stowing it back in the hidden shed. Footwear stowed she was back in the water for another hour, ending where she had begun. As she approached she heard then saw a small boat making its way toward her home with an small trolling motor, clearly trying to be stealthy.

Her normal swimming style was close to silent so Charlotte had escaped notice so far but she exhaled, then inhaled as deeply as she could, submerging with barely a ripple and making her way under the murky water to the scant shelter of a few tufts of marsh grass. It was enough and she made her way unobserved through a small channel to a camouflaged hatch sunk in the water. She manipulated the controls with her toes and felt the tug of water filling the chamber below her before the hatch opened and she took a few deep breaths before diving through. Once inside she punched a single button and the hatch swung closed before powerful pumps pulled the water rapidly out of the airlock.

Within 2 minutes she was standing there dripping onto the deckplates as the inner hatch swung open allowing her access to a surprisingly spacious tunnel. Charlotte ran down the tunnel at top speed, through another airlock that allowed both hatches to be open since there was no pressure differential. She sealed both hatches behind as she made her way through a corridor to the primary nerve center of her defensive systems.

She took a quick moment to strip and dry off with one of the towels she kept in here for any sort of liquid based emergency and sat, calling up external views and setting defensive systems on ready standby. This allowed her to take the house to full alert within 20 seconds and still maintain an extremely stealthy posture, looking like the rickety shack it pretended to be. She replayed the feeds from audio pickups and listened to the men bickering about some package they were supposed to pick up.

One of the men finally checked his phone and discovered they were several miles away from where they needed to be because he’d managed to turn the GPS off so it wasn’t updating their position. After a few minutes of them swearing at each other they abandoned stealth and roared back in the direction they came from using an overpowered outboard. Charlotte kept an eye on them until they were well away and left the systems to follow their acoustic signature, confirming that they were indeed heading for the destination indicated in the date cloned from the active phone.

She took a moment to trigger a cleaning cycle in the outer airlock and sent cleaner bots to mop up the trail of water and mud she’d left. Housekeeping taken care of she made her way to the bathroom, tossed her muddy suit into a sink full of water and took a full 30 minutes to luxuriate in the needle sprays of the showerheads as the water temperature gradually increased. This time of year the water was getting fairly cold and even with the vigorous activity of the past hour her skin was chilled.

She emerged from her shower, dressed and browsed through her inbox sorting the various messages before digging into the highest priority as she savored a cup of yogurt. The first was the lab report on the particulates gleaned from the drains. It confirmed the initial assessment that everything was consistent with the use of a wood chipper that would produce particles larger than sawdust but smaller than wood chips.

That wasn’t actually a clue in itself although it did provide some possible pointers to the type of equipment that might have been used. Another analyzing the patterns of distribution and the blood droplet scatter gave exactly the result she was beginning to suspect. There was no way for anything on the ground to have been the delivery vehicle while still leaving the total absence of a trail. The remains had also not been dropped from a height greater than 80 feet and at no significant speed. That ruled out a crop duster or other conventional aircraft and the lack of noise report ruled out a helicopter.

That left a drone but anything which could carry the amount of weight that had been dumped was large and noisy enough to be seen and heard especially when the city was at its quietest in the predawn hours. Charlotte spent another hour or two going over the available information without gleaning any novel insight before she washed her dishes and made her way to her runabout. After double checking to make sure the house was fully secure she centered the small boat in the empty end of the area, then triggered the doors.

A portion of the roof slid inward then retracted beneath the stationary portion while a frame large enough to allow a 25 foot boat raised itself and the water it enclosed through the roof into daylight. Marsh grasses hid the boat completely and would have hidden a much larger boat if needed. The front end of the platform opened once the water level equalized and she used the small trolling azipods to quietly make her way out of the enclosure, still sheltered from view. The lift retracted and the hatch cover slid back into place, barely visible when looked at directly.

She followed a path out through the grasses which after a couple of sharp turns debouched some distance from her island into another passage and thence to more open water. Once she was some distance away she started the engine and slid the canopy forward to seal out the wind and noise of her passage. She set the throttle at 11% and made an increasingly fast passage out of the marshes and past the surfline, already up on her planes with the much lighter craft. Once in open water the planes crawled outward to provide additional stability and the craft rose a little for visibility and wave clearance.

Assured by her instruments that no traffic was detected she moved the throttle up to 35% and held there. There was no great hurry and the storm had left behind a beautiful day so she cruised along at just over 50 knots in comfort, enjoying the way the sun sparkled on silty brown seawater. 25 minutes later she throttled down and settled to 30 knots, steering well clear of an outgoing freighter and a few small craft as she passed Fort Sumter before bearing off to port and entering the Ashley River.

The Coast Guard station fell away to her right and Charlotte eased the throttle back, reducing speed as she approached the marina and finally throttling down far enough to lose lift from the planes. She cut the main engine, extended the azipods and allowed the canopy to slide back as she maneuvered into one of her slips. She triggered the docking systems and strong magnets attached to docking cables activated, pulling the lines to the sides of the slip and holding them in place while tensioning the lines so that the small craft sat not quite touching one side and as stable as the dock itself. After a final downcheck she climbed out and onto the dock, bringing a large shoulder bag/backpack along. Once she verified the boat was locked and secured she made her way out to Lockwood and caught the DASH down to East Bay, getting off at Queen Street and making her way to Unity Alley.

It was still too early in the day for the restaurant to be open so the front of the house was abandoned as she let herself in and made her way back to the kitchen. It wasn’t exactly quiet in the kitchen but unlike many kitchens the noise was almost entirely that of cooking. Requests and acknowledgements were calm and unhurried, lending an illusion of languor but if you paid attention the movements of the chefs were well practiced and economical. The activity was actually winding down at this point with almost all prep completed so there would be time for a 45 minute break before getting ready for service in 2 hours.

Charlotte greeted a few of them as she walked past toward the small office where Yves was putting the final touches on the presentation he had planned. He heard the door open but was focused on his work so she was able to surprise him, slipping her hands down over his shoulders into his shirt and caressing his chest, plucking lightly at the wiry hairs. He leaned back and turned his head to share a kiss, then turned back to his work, saving and closing before sending it to the printer and turning to kiss her properly.

“Did you have fun this morning?”

The smile on his face was answer enough. “Mel had me up to 60% throttle today. She says I need a lot more practice before I’m ready to go faster than that but I think maybe I need a little touch of insanity too…”

“Smart boy! What’s for lunch?”

Yves rose and held her hand, leading her out into the dining room where a table was ready for them, tall glasses of iced tea with beads of condensation making their slow way down the outside of the glasses. He pulled out her chair and pushed it in as she sat before taking his seat and a sip of tea. Charlotte followed suit and savored before taking another sip and letting out a small sigh.

“Apricot?” she questioned.

“You like?” Yves quirked an eyebrow at her.

“Its delicious! Light and just sweet enough, the tea is strong enough to stand up to the ice but not bitter. Seriously though, whats for lunch? My stomach has decided I’m trying to starve it and is staging a rebellion!”

He laughed at her expression as a large plate slid in front of her immediately after her last word. A large sandwich occupied the plate, held together with decorative skewers and paired with lightly herbed roasted potato wedges and a largish quarter pickle.

“Plumwood smoked pork and bacon, fried green tomatoes and field greens with an onion and fennel aioli on grilled sourdough. I’m calling it the Unity Club. Taste it and see what you think!” Yves watched as she managed to get a bite of the double decker sandwich and grinned at the beatific expression that came over Charlotte’s face as she chewed.

“Oh wow… I think I could marry this sandwich…” She took another bite and Yves followed suit.

Sometimes the quality of a dish can be judged by conversation at the table. By that measure it was a raging success since neither of them spoke and the only noise was that of eating and Charlotte’s appreciative moans. They took their time and were still finished in just a few minutes, Charlotte leaving her customary spotless plate and neatly folded napkin and leaning back into her chair with a sigh of satisfaction.

“I’m totally gonna get fat if you keep feeding me like that…”

“Not a problem, I will simply have more of you to love!” Yves grinned at her. “Besides, I’ve seen you take down eight thousand calories a day for weeks on end and actually lose weight. I’m guessing you did your usual insane workout this morning?”

“Funny, I seem to remember someone keeping up with me on my ‘insane workout’” she did air quotes and smirked at him “Out of the water anyway…”

“I couldn’t move for 2 days after that. Never again.”

“Typical man, can’t handle a little pain…” Charlotte laughed at his expression. “Hey it took me a long time to get to that point… and to be fair, a lot of pain. There was a time not that long ago that I couldn’t walk a single step much less run. It started out as physical therapy and turned into something that gives me strength, helps me keep centered and not just going completely out of my mind.”

Charlotte took a sip of tea. “You know exactly what I mean, cooking is the same for you. Like a meditation in a lot of ways.”

“So did your meditation help clear things up any?”

“Well I worked out a couple of possible things but I’ve still got a lot of checking to do. One thing for sure, this is more than just a killing, even one for revenge. Not just for revenge anyway… there’s something more to it. This is someone sending a message, but to whom and why so publicly? It just doesn’t quite make sense yet. I should have a comprehensive assay from the lab results tomorrow and if it confirms what I think it might it tends strongly toward one idea.”

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Even that only gives me a pointer toward methodology. I suppose its better than nothing…”

Yves leaned forward. “So you have nothing to work with right now?”

“I’ve got quite a lot… and nothing at all.” She paused for a moment “Well not quite nothing. I can tell you we’ll see another killing soon.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Can you imagine one gang doing this to another and there not being reprisal killings?” She quirked an eyebrow at him.

“I suppose not. Do you think this is the beginning of a gang war? I didn’t really think you had a gang problem here.” Yves’ face took on a harder cast.

Charlotte took a moment to reply. “We don’t.” At his quizzical look she went on “We have some punks that think they are gangbangers but nothing like what you’d see even up in Columbia. There are some smugglers but small time stuff only… Its really very tame around here. We’re just not terribly convenient as a smuggling route and since weed was legalized back in ’29 there isn’t that much to smuggle anyway. Biggest criminals around here are land developers…”

“Land developers?”

“Yeah they will do just about anything to get permission to build on sketchy land. A little bribery, that sort of thing… nothing much really. One of em did get caught running a brothel…”

Yves snorted a laugh “A brothel? Really?”

“Yep. Got to know him through a friend in the building trades, he’d done some work for the guy. Seemed squeaky clean, wife and 3 beautiful kids, deacon in his church, ex fighter pilot… I thought he was a nice guy. Then one night on the news there he is being arrested for pimping…” Charlotte shook her head. “You never can tell I suppose. I mean hell, look at what was done to me, and by ‘Respectable Members of Society’ no less”.”

“Were you ever able to find out any more about the other men?”

“Nothing… “she sounded defeated. “I looked and I did everything I could but they always had this hood/mask thing that wouldn’t even allow me to scream… I damn near suffocated from snot plugging up the little tubes they had in my nose. They would tie me up off the ground, wrapped so tight I could barely breath and take turns hitting me and raping me and it went on for so long I thought it would never end… that I would die there.” Charlotte was crying now, hugging her knees to her chest in the chair.

Yves moved over to embrace her and signaled to Marge. The solid woman was busy drying her hands with a towel before slinging it over her shoulder. As soon as she saw what was going on she leaned down and spoke into Yves ear.

“You take Miss Charlotte home. She needs you and a safe place right now and we can take care of dinner. I already ordered a car for you, it will be here in 2 minutes. Right to the marina, you understand?”

Yves nodded jerkily, not at all on any sort of stable emotional footing. He had not known of the worst of the horrors she had experienced… for that matter he still didn’t but he was beginning to realize that he might not want to know. Was he even strong enough to hear about it without going mad?

The one thing he did know was that he was utterly in love with Charlotte and had been from the moment he saw her, eating alone and being invisible in his restaurant.

“Thank you Marge” he tried to think of something more to say and just wound up repeating “Thank you…” as he gently gathered Charlotte into his arms and carried her out to the waiting car. Within 10 minutes they were at the marina and he went toward the slip where he was moored until she muttered in his ear.

“Take mine. Homing system.”

Yves did as instructed and soon had her strapped into the rear seat. He clambered in and saw a button on the display which he pushed. A voice sounded in the cabin.

“Primary pilot impaired function. Secondary pilot incompletely trained. Shall I initiate homing function?”

“Yes please, and thank you Paul. Maximum safe speed please?”

With no further ado the boat disengaged cables, backed out of the berth and swung on its axis while spooling the turbine up. They were already up on the planes as they cleared the piers and their speed steadily increased. By the time they left the harbor the throttle was at 80% and still moving upward. They were doing well over 150 knots and still accelerating, passing Isle of Palms and Dewees island in less than 7 minutes before the boat throttled down to a mere 90 knots and caromed through the tidal channels and into the maze leading to her home. The door was retracted and within minutes they were safely into the ‘parking lot’ with Yves unstrapping a still sobbing Charlotte and carrying her gently to a sofa where he could watch while he prepared her a drink.

He poured 3 measures of grain alcohol into a tumbler and splashed in some orange juice with a couple of ice cubes, gave it a stir and handed it to Charlotte who took it in a shaking hand and used her other hand to steady it enough to take a sip. She snorted at the strength, then took another deeper drink, draining half the glass. After a couple of ragged breaths she finished it off and gave it back to Yves with a hand that was shaking only slightly less than before. He understood and refilled it, this time adding a flowery smelling liqueur rather than juice.

This time she took a smaller sip and turned a wan smile of thanks on him. He came over to sit beside her and just held her in his arms as she slowly finished her second drink, gradually relaxing.

“I’m sorry I went to pieces on you there…. I understand if its too much, if you don’t… can’t… deal with it. I… I’m damaged goods Yves, like really damaged…”

He held her tighter for a moment, then pulled her chin around with his finger to look into her eyes. “I have seen broken people Cherie. They allow their pain to overcome them so completely that they cannot live. That is not you my love. You are one of those people who respond to adversity by making yourself stronger, by standing up to things that scare the shit out of you.” He kissed her, a gentle brush of the lips.

“A bone, when it is broken, becomes stronger in that place once it heals. You are like that except you were broken everywhere and it made you who you are, the woman I love. Yes you are damaged. I am damaged. You have held me and soothed me when I had episodes… And you understand, more deeply than anyone ever has. You will never be too much to deal with Cherie… I do not think I could manage without you, not anymore.” He kissed her lightly again.

“You’re the strongest person I know and if you need me I will always be here for you. No such thing as too much, ok?” He held her eyes for a moment until she pulled herself into his embrace and onto his lap.

This time the kiss was long and deep and when it finally broke they simply looked into each other’s eyes’ for a moment. She looked up at him, picked up the glass he had set aside and put it in his hand. “Drink up. In about 20 minutes I’m going to be extremely stoned and I want you in the same frame of mind.”

She got up and filled another glass for herself, this time with a normal strength vodka and more of the fragrant liqueur. “Amazing how delicious the taste and aroma of good cannabis can be. Trust the French to come up with a liqueur like this…”

He busied himself refilling the glass he held, having drained it in one go. “One particular Frenchman anyway. My twice great uncle on my father’s side began making a version of it during the war as medicine and after the war he worked for many years perfecting it. It was illegal but for such a marvelous taste who cares what the gendarmes think, eh?” He laughed “Besides, its not like my ancestors were well known for being sensible…”

Charlotte took a sip of her drink, looking at him over the rim of her glass. “Can you imagine what our kids would be like?”

Yves nearly dropped the bottle mid pour but steadied his hand and finished before carefully setting the bottle down and taking a deep slug of his drink. “Cherie… I would love nothing in this world more than for you to be the mother of our children. I cannot imagine anyone else who would be able to keep up with them!” He sobered. “But I did not think this was possible”

Charlotte took another sip of her drink and set it down. She took a seat and drew Yves down beside her, their legs intertwining as they faced each other. “It is an experimental treatment. My own stem cells used on a matrix to form the organs properly, the correct endocrine balance to get everything to differentiate into the proper tissues…”

“Do you mean?” Yves face was a mixture of confusion, elation and fear. “Do you mean you could become pregnant, have a child? We could have a family, our babies?!?!”

“One day, maybe.” Charlottes tone was somber. “Two years before I’m fertile but they say 5 years would be better. Thats if it works at all… we don’t know yet. Right now I have the uterus and ovaries of a 10 year old but they are growing fast. Anyway, technical details.” She leaned forward and kissed him, a slow lingering sensuous kiss. “The point is, yes, I might be able to have your babies one day… and I very much want to.”

Yves returned the kiss in kind and they spent the next several hours in bed… and on the futon, and the kitchen table… there were a few other places but by the time they were both happily exhausted sunset was casting its garish lightshow over the sky and they fell asleep tangled together on her… now their… bed.

This chapter is a bit short but it seemed like a natural break point so here it is.

**Previously**

Charlotte took a sip of her drink, looking at him over the rim of her glass. “Can you imagine what our kids would be like?”

Yves nearly dropped the bottle mid pour but steadied his hand and finished before carefully setting the bottle down and taking a deep slug of his drink. “Cherie… I would love nothing in this world more than for you to be the mother of our children. I cannot imagine anyone else who would be able to keep up with them!” He sobered. “But I did not think this was possible”

Charlotte took another sip of her drink and set it down. She took a seat and drew Yves down beside her, their legs intertwining as they faced each other. “It is an experimental treatment. My own stem cells used on a matrix to form the organs properly, the correct endocrine balance to get everything to differentiate into the proper tissues…”

“Do you mean?” Yves face was a mixture of confusion, elation and fear. “Do you mean you could become pregnant, have a child? We could have a family, our babies?!?!”

“One day, maybe.” Charlottes tone was somber. “Two years before I’m fertile but they say 5 years would be better. Thats if it works at all… we don’t know yet. Right now I have the uterus and ovaries of a 10 year old but they are growing fast. Anyway, technical details.” She leaned forward and kissed him, a slow lingering sensuous kiss. “The point is, yes, I might be able to have your babies one day… and I very much want to.”

Yves returned the kiss in kind and they spent the next several hours in bed… and on the futon, and the kitchen table… there were a few other places but by the time they were both happily exhausted sunset was casting its garish lightshow over the sky and they fell asleep tangled together on her… now their… bed.

***** And Now*****

The barest hint of predawn crept into the room as Charlotte quietly donned a swimsuit and ran through a stretching routine before slipping into the water. 5 hours later she pulled herself up onto the dock to be greeted by the smell of something delicious. Yves was still cooking and they shared a quick but passionate kiss before she went on to the shower.

A few minutes later they ate together, neither having bothered to dress. There was a pregnant silence between them at first but Yves broke the ice.

“When you told me about your being transsexual that first night I didn’t think anything of it… all I saw and felt was the beautiful woman who danced in my arms and whose lips tasted of the finest wine. I was… am… intoxicated by you. Sometime after that I realized I had fallen in love with you and I began to dream of a life with you…” He took a sip of his coffee and was silent for a moment.

“One of the things I dreamed was that perhaps we could adopt children, give a loving home to those who had none. I’ve seen you with children and you are a natural mother so I hoped you might share that dream…”

Charlotte broke in “Why didn’t you ever mention it?”

“I was afraid I would chase you away… I knew you had been hurt so badly before and I didn’t want to make you feel that I was… like him, you know? I did everything I could to make sure of that and I think by doing that I hurt you. I love you Charlotte and I would never intentionally cause you pain…”

“Yves you have not caused me pain… you have given me joy. If for some reason I am not able to bear our children we will adopt, absolutely. We might adopt anyway…” Charlotte sipped at her coffee, watching the smile spread across Yves’ face. “I have seen you around children too and you are as much a natural father as I am a mother. We were both lucky enough to have loving parents and I want to pass that love on, to pay it forward.”

She took another sip and sighed. “I grew up thinking it was impossible even to adopt and that was entirely aside from the question of finding someone who could love me. Things were very bad here for people like me back in the Trump/Pence years… My parents homeschooled me so I wouldn’t be sent to a conversion camp. There was Grams, and Mike and Markie… but aside from them and my parents my teen years were spent alone. I wasn’t unhappy, I knew it was the only way I could be safe…”

Charlotte sat for a long moment, staring into her cup. “Then when I was 18, I’d just finished my bachelor’s and was on my gap year before grad school when I met Roderick… He swept me off my feet and for a while I was so happy… Then he started wanting me to have sex with other men and when I refused he threatened my parents… said he would kill them if I told anyone.” She was quietly crying, tears falling unheeded into her rapidly cooling coffee.

“So I did what he said but it got weirder and weirder and in the end I was just being tortured and raped for days on end… I was left alone but trapped, no way to even know where I was and almost no food except when it was time for another torture session. He showed me video of them skinning my parents alive after I got a message to them…”

Quiet crying had progressed to hiccupping sobs and Yves picked her up to carry her over to a sofa settling her in his lap, held securely in his embrace while she wept out the anguish that filled her heart.

After a time the tears tapered off and she simply held tightly to Yves for a few moments before leaning back to look up into his face. “You must think I’m crazy, freaking out on you so much.”

“We all have our own crazy Cherie. That is a part of what a relationship is… handling each other’s crazy. I don’t think that word fits you anyway. You’re the sanest person I’ve ever met, which considering what you’ve been through is an absolute miracle. Don’t be ashamed to share that with me… I will always be here for you and sharing a burden makes it less, yes?” He reached down to kiss her tenderly. “Now go check your messages, there’s an encrypted one from the lab.”

Charlotte launched herself from Yves’ lap and snatched up a tablet, applying her thumbprint, retinal scan and password to unlock the file. She spent the next hour engrossed in the results, checking some items on another tablet she held. Yves grinned at her newfound exuberance and dutifully kept her supplied with coffee until she came out of it with a smile on her face.

“I knew the spatter patterns and the clotting were weird! From the concentrations there were at least 8 separate dumps and they were all mixed together and I mean thoroughly mixed. Like the remains were put in a large container and mixed for quite a while. That’s not the kicker though! The whole gory mess was loaded with enough anticoagulant to make a living person bleed out through their pores! These guys were stored for… I don’t know how long.”

Charlotte glanced at the time. “Shit, you have to get into town! Want me to take you?”

Yves had already dressed and refilled her cup once more before bending down to kiss her. “I love you Charlotte and thank you but I need the practice and I’m not going over 30% anyway… its not like the boss is going to chew me out for being late!” He headed for the ‘parking lot’ “Besides, I get the idea you’re going to be out and about today so I might need to get myself home!”

With that he closed the hatch and Charlotte sat back in her seat for a moment, bemused. It had felt so familiar, so comforting to be kissed and assured of his love in that way, casual though it was. She had missed that easy intimacy which had only been hers in childhood for so long that it was almost foreign and yet she yearned for it more than she thought possible.

She sat for some time, simply treasuring the feeling. After a time she turned her attention back to research and soon realized she needed more room to work than the tablets provided so she shifted to her study. She was still there sifting through databases and purchase records she should not have been able to access when Yves arrived home that evening.

Charlotte didn’t notice at first when he called her name but definitely paid attention when he found her in the study and reached down to kiss her deeply. She had a moment of panic until she realized it was him then relaxed into it and returned it in kind.

He dipped a finger in her still mostly full and very cold coffee cup and shook his head. “You haven’t moved since this morning, have you?”

Charlotte thought for a moment then tried to jump up and run for the bathroom. Unfortunately her legs didn’t agree with her intentions and she wound up nearly falling over in her haste. Yves gently caught her and helped her hobble to the bathroom, closing the door and remaining outside while trying not to laugh at the heartfelt sigh of relief coming from within.

Charlotte emerged with a much relieved look on her face and pulled Yves down into an intense kiss. Once they broke for breath she couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “I’ve found it! That much of the substances used had to be traceable and it was… to a shell company, and another shell… damn corporate crooks and their onions! I even managed to get down to the accounts used to supply the money but the damn Cayman banks are tighter than a tick’s ass.”

“Anyway, so I started looking for a drone that could carry 1/8 of the total weight since the splatter patterns and densities made it clear that there were 8 drops.” Charlotte walked into the kitchen and poured both of them a double shot of cannabis infused absinthe. They both took small sips and savored the floral taste mixed with the bitterness of the wormwood.

“And you found something? Yves arched an eyebrow at her as they sat.

“No. Well I didn’t find anything off the shelf anyway but I got started thinking how I’d build for the specs needed and what I’d use, where I’d obtain it, that sort of thing. I came up with several workable designs but even the lowest noise was over 70 decibels, very much loud enough to have been heard.”

Charlotte took another sip and paused for a moment. “Anyway, I scrapped all that and went back to the drawing board. I’d been thinking about it the wrong way. A lighter than air craft would be quiet but large enough to attract attention so that was out. A normal drone was too noisy so that was out. But what if I used a combination of a smaller gasbag and less powerful fans? That got me down to the 45 decibel range but still enough that someone should have noticed.”

“Okay, that makes sense…”

“So anyway I finally had this ‘Duh!’ moment and realized… active noise cancellation. At 45 decibels it worked well enough in sims to reduce the noise to under 20 db. The noise of the… erm… deceased… hitting and splashing all over would have been louder. If it all happened at the same time it would just be the one noise, hard to pinpoint like a single gunshot can be.”

Yves shook his head and took a sip of his drink. “I am really glad I’m on your good side. You are one very scary woman…”

She laughed at him. “I have to go out to the Weapons Station tomorrow. If anyone has records of the control signals used for those drones they will and I know just the fellow to talk to…”

Yves pulled her into him and she relaxed against him. “So do I have anything to worry about then?” He teasingly murmured into her ear.

Charlotte snorted. “I think not. Gordy is like a grandfather to me and he doesn’t swing that way anyway… although he is kinda cute…” she teased in return. “Besides, with him I don’t have to screw around for half the day while the buck gets passed ever higher. He knows exactly what I’m cleared for.”

Yves blew into her hair, causing Charlotte to giggle. “Why am I not surprised you have the clearance required for that sort of thing?”

“Hmmm… perhaps its because you have the clearance to know that I do?” She twisted around to look at his face as his expression went briefly blank.

“I knew it! You sneaky bastard!” She was laughing as she said it and kissed him while he did his best to hide his chagrin under the duress of considerable distraction. “Of course I know you checked me out Yves, I did the same for you! Its a reasonable thing for people like us to do, especially if we are going to share our lives together.”

Yves pulled back a little and looked into her eyes. “I don’t quite understand Cherie. I am very happy that you want this but just a few days ago you turned me down and then right after changed completely… Why?”

Charlotte got up and refilled both of their glasses, taking a sip while handing his back to him. She sat sideways on the sofa next to him, one leg tucked under and was silent for a moment. “When I went out to Edisto” she began in a near whisper “I swam with that dolphin family and I saw the mother and her kids and it made me want that so badly, want you to share that with me so badly…”

“Its like I said before, I realized the ghost was me and that I was the reason I couldn’t have that happiness… that it was me and my…issues…” She took a sip and a deep breath “Here I have this wonderful man who is everything I could ever want and I keep pushing him away when he makes it clear he wants the same thing I want. It just hit me and the only thing I could see myself doing was to finally allow myself… allow us… a chance at happiness.”

She leaned over and kissed him deeply. “So that was what I did. I guess I’d been getting there already since I’ve had Mel working on your runabout for like 2 months now but it all came to a head right then and I had to say… do… what I was feeling… What I have been feeling for longer than I’ve let myself admit.”

“I think that’s the most you’ve ever said to me about your emotions, how you feel about… well anything really. You usually deflect in some way when I bring things like this up.” Yves was persistent but gentle in his tone.

“You’re right and that’s something I’m trying to work on. Just… promise me if you catch me doing that with you that you’ll call me on it, ok? I’ve been doing that for so long that its second nature and I don’t want it to be anymore. I want to share my thoughts and feelings, my life, everything with you. Its just… that’s an ability, knowledge that was taken from me and I’m having to relearn it. You said I was broken in a lot of ways, and when those breaks heal they are stronger… but this is one of those breaks that has just begun to heal and it is still very fragile and the nerves are very raw.”

Charlotte had to take a moment to get her thoughts in order. “I’m gonna freak out on you a lot for a while. There’s so much stuff that I never truly processed, never allowed myself to think about and now that I’m letting the emotional walls down and letting the good stuff free all the horrific crap is coming out right along with it. I know all this stuff intellectually, I’ve certainly got the degrees for it… but the reality of doing it… That scares the shit out of me.”

“I can’t say I can even imagine Cherie… but I am here. Freak out all you need to, I’m not going anywhere.” Yves pulled Charlotte around and cradled her back against his chest, his arm around her waist. “I’ve got you my love, and you have me, body and soul. All the rest is just the shit we have to deal with… together. Not alone, never again.”

After sitting this way for a time, each of them finishing another glass of liqueur Charlotte raised herself back into a position facing Yves. She began to talk, about everything as it had happened, every detail which was burned into her memory. The evening fled away as Yves made them dinner and still she talked, sometimes shaking and crying and twice more even breaking down completely but more hugging and comforting and liqueur helped her to get through it.

Finally it was early morning and she was talked out, hoarse and exhausted but in that state of mind that doesn’t allow sleep. Along the way Yves had shared his own demons and she grew to know the horror and pain that had been his burden.

“We’re both pretty fucked up, huh?” By this time they had drained the bottle and started on another. Charlotte looked up into his face from where she had nestled into his side, a small smile on her face.

“Els fotuts són els que no poden funcionar, no es pot viure, no pot, finalment, aprendre a estimar de nou. Som els supervivents, els que vénen de l'altra banda segueix viu en lloc de ser emocionalment mort ...” (The fucked up ones are those who cannot function, cannot live, cannot eventually learn to love again. We are the survivors, the ones who come out the other side still alive instead of being emotionally dead…)

“Ok, so we’re survivors, but that doesn’t make us any less fucked up. And English please, my Catalan really sucks and I’m too stoned to be puzzling it out just now…” She softened her words with a kiss.

Yves returned the kiss and favored her with a lopsided grin. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was doing that. It was the first language my mother taught me and I was… am… just so comfortable with you…”

“Then I will just have to work on my Catalan won’t I? Right now I just want to lie here in your arms and watch the sun come up together. You know neither of us are going to be in any shape to do much more than walk around the house until tomorrow, right?”

“I thought it was already tomorrow…” Yves mumbled with a chuckle and Charlotte relished the feeling of the rumble in his chest.

“Good. I’ll message Marge for you and Gordy for me… although that does mean we’ll have to put on an oyster roast tonight cause I know Gordy and he won’t want to do anything on a public level. If what I’m beginning to suspect is right this all needs to be done as invisibly as possible and inviting an old friend for an oyster roast is pretty innocuous.”

“Are you going to share any of this with Thomas?”

“I can’t Yves. Tommie is an awesome guy and I love him to bits. He’s a first-rate cop for a town like Charleston… but this is something way out of his league. I like my friends alive and the best way to keep them that way right now is to keep them as ignorant as possible, let them believe I’m chasing my tail. I wouldn’t even let Mel and Lisa in but they are already in at least partly and we’re going to need them if I’m right about this.”

“You are beginning to make me a little nervous here Cherie. This sounds like you are planning to start a war.”

“I have never in my life started a fight Yves, not in that way.” Charlotte’s expression was stony, her tone flat and emotionless. “Given a choice, I will run away from a fight. I do not think I have a choice here. The first blow has been struck and it was by our enemy. They will strike again but it will be for the last time. This will not be allowed in my city.”

“Ah, then you are planning to finish a war. I will be by your side every step of the way Cherie. I have your… backside?”

“Six Yves, the phrase is ‘I’ve got your six’. It’s a reference to a 12 hour clock where 1800 would be 6:00 PM and therefore at the bottom of the clock, meaning the back.”

“You Americans are so strange… I still can’t get used to thinking in your bizarre Imperial measurements… And what sort of sense does a 12 hour clock make?”

“None at all but you do indeed have my backside as well… if you can manage it that is.” Her tone was teasing.

“Not even with a truckload of little blue pills Cherie. The mind is willing but the body is weak, non?" Yves kissed her lightly.

They lay there together as the first hints of light turned into the blaze of a new day, Charlotte having attended to the needed messages. Eventually they fell asleep cuddled together, caressed by sunlight that penetrated their bones with warmth and comfort.

***Previously***

“You are beginning to make me a little nervous here Cherie. This sounds like you are planning to start a war.”

“I have never in my life started a fight Yves, not in that way.” Charlotte’s expression was stony, her tone flat and emotionless. “Given a choice, I will run away from a fight. I do not think I have a choice here. The first blow has been struck and it was by our enemy. They will strike again but it will be for the last time. This will not be allowed in my city.”

“Ah, then you are planning to finish a war. I will be by your side every step of the way Cherie. I have your… backside?”

“Six Yves, the phrase is ‘I’ve got your six’. It’s a reference to a 12 hour clock where 1800 would be 6:00 PM and therefore at the bottom of the clock, meaning the back.”

“You Americans are so strange… I still can’t get used to thinking in your bizarre Imperial measurements… And what sort of sense does a 12 hour clock make?”

“None at all but you do indeed have my backside as well… if you can manage it that is.” Her tone was teasing.

“Not even with a truckload of little blue pills Cherie. The mind is willing but the body is weak, non? Yves kissed her lightly.

They lay there together as the first hints of light turned into the blaze of a new day, Charlotte having attended to the needed messages. Eventually they fell asleep cuddled together, caressed by sunlight that penetrated their bones with warmth and comfort.

*** And Now… ***

“Well doesn’t this look cozy! I see you’ve decided to let the young pup sleep indoors then?” Charlotte opened her eyes to see a familiar figure grinning at her.

“You leave him alone Gordy, he’s a marvelous cushion! Except for that one bit that seems to be getting a little less fluffy...” Charlotte returned the grin and gave a deliberate wriggle, eliciting a groan from beneath her.

“Get off me woman! I need a bathroom now!” Yves didn’t wait, levering himself up while still supporting Charlotte who squeaked a bit before they both went for separate bathrooms at the best speed they could muster.

When they both returned having taken care of business Gordy was sitting at the table with 3 tumblers of single malt poured. “Bit o’ the hair kids?”

“Different dog but whatever…” Charlotte answered as she sat and tossed back half the glass. Yves followed suit but without the comment.

Gordon took a sip of his own and smiled in appreciation. “You did inherit your father’s tastes in whiskey girl.”

“Well I do have a slightly larger repertoire… but I’ll grant there’s very little can beat a good Ardbeg Kidalton. There’s a case of it in the other room with your name on it.” Charlotte grinned at him.

The three of them made their way to the concrete pad and got the fire going, giving it time to establish a good bed of coals while adding more wood and carrying a cooler full of beer out, along with seats. Soon enough the sheet roofing and burlap sacks were in place and the first bushel of oysters was steaming.

“So why the 2 extra seats?” Gordy was blunt about his curiosity.

Charlotte frowned a bit. “Cause we have 2 more guests on the way. Can’t be helped, they already read themselves in and I need both of them anyway. And here they come…”

The noise of a turbofan could be heard getting rapidly closer until it suddenly cut and the noise of planes retracting was a barely audible hum as the ‘foil bumped gently against the dock less than a half inch from Gordy’s Jon boat. Grapples ticked into place and the canopy slid back, disgorging Mel and Tina along with another cooler of beer and a net bag of crabs.

Noisy greetings were had all around and a large pressure cooker was filled, dosed liberally with crab boil and filled with crabs. Once the water began to steam the top was attached, pressure set and a timer put in motion. They all adjourned back outside and made inroads into the beer while the food finished itself, carefully avoiding the topic which had brought them here.

Despite the necessity which drew them all found the companionship convivial, the easy familiarity of kindred souls making the evening more enjoyable than any of them had expected. The last oyster had been shucked, the last bit of succulent flesh sucked from a crab claw and the debris flung into the night before bottles and garbage were gathered and stowed in the appropriate receptacles. The coals were soaked with a few buckets of water which also served to sluice off the concrete pad to its normal dingy looking dilapidation.

They all retired inside and gathered in the main room, each with their choice of drink and having made themselves comfortable. The moderately sized screen which could be seen from the windows began the opening sequences of an action movie while thick shutters slid down to seal the structure completely. The displays integrated into the windows showed anyone who might have been watching a spectrally complete picture of 5 people enjoying a movie with minimal conversation.

Once the house was fully secured a message displayed on the screen and it shut off. A spheroid descended from the center of the ceiling a few feet while the lights dimmed and suddenly a hologram of Charleston and the surrounding area sprang into view, occupying the cleared center of the room entirely. The view zoomed in on Broad Street and shapes the size of a tractor tire but fatter and with no holes in the middle moved slowly and quietly above the Post office about 60 feet high. A patrol car made its way down the street and onto East Bay headed for the Battery.

Once the car was 2 blocks away the drones drifted over the sidewalk and suddenly a subliminally heard buzz stopped as a ghastly red curtain of gore fell from each one, splashing widely while the drones which had held the bulk suddenly shot upward in total silence.

The silence was echoed in the room for a few moments as all present digested the simulation Charlotte had just shown them. Gordy was the first to speak.

“About that whiskey” He took a sip of the substance in question. “Bribery will get you everywhere, kiddo.” He sobered a little and leaned forward. “In this case it isn’t necessary. I want these bastards so bad I can taste it but legally I can’ touch em… diplomatic immunity.” His expression soured and he looked at the other four.

“You four, however, are private citizens.” He slid a datachip across the table to Charlotte. “Here’s the traffic from that night, all of it. I singled out microburst control transmissions for some kind of craft so I figure that has to be what you’re looking for. It fits a swarm like you figured.”

“Hybrid gasbag/fan drones, each just enough to carry the load required and dump it all at the same time. If they built them the way I figured then altogether they put out about 29 db after noise cancellation with a spike about 40% higher than that when the drop occurred, after which the fans simply cut out and the gasbags rose quite rapidly until they were out of audible range before reasserting directional control and returning to wherever base is. That time of night on Broad Street its absolutely deserted and it wouldn’t even trigger the surveillance cameras to record… Their thresholds are set high enough to not be triggered by birds or rain…”

“You haven’t told anyone about this? Aside from the gnome, the pixie and Jarhead boy over there I mean?”

Yves spluttered on a half swallowed sip of whiskey. “Jarhead Boy?!? I will put any of my Commando Trepel against your SEALS!”

This was an old argument for both of them, one they had enjoyed while serving together in unnamed places and they both warmed to it for a moment, settling down when Charlotte laid a hand on each of their arms. “Lets get to business boys and you can get back to your dick measuring contest later.”

“Oh there is no contest on that level...” Yves began but was silenced by Charlotte’s look.

“Gordy were you able to get any sort of directional indication?”

He sighed. “No… we wouldn’t have gotten this if you hadn’t managed to push the latest upgrades through. I’d still love to know just who the hell you’re friends with…”

She grinned at him. “I really don’t think you would. Point is, these guys are gonna do something else again soon and now we know what their control signals look like we should be able to triangulate with my comms, yeah?”

“I may have to be a little messy getting you the data because the time frames here seem pretty compressed.” He looked over at Charlotte “I’m going to leave footprints, no way to avoid it. Can you cover?”

Charlotte had to think about just how far down the rabbit hole she had to take her companions before replying.

“Gordy… if this is what and who we both think it is… do you really care if I can cover?”

“If we can finish this? Not even a little.” Gordy answered without hesitation. “I just wish I could go in with you…”

“I can piggyback him in” Tina offered. “Full-spectral visuals, audio, the full feed I get from your gear. He’ll have a greater range of vision and can focus on things you can’t. You’ll have full comms too. No sense bringing The GordFather along for the ride and not giving him a voice.”

Gordy almost managed to hide his reaction as his old handle was revealed. Realizing he’d failed he chose to take a sip of whiskey while looking at Tina. “You’d be Manny’s kid then?”

Tina returned a grim smile. “Christina Kassis at your service. You were there for my poppa’s funeral. I was only 12 but I remember I heard you say ‘This is no life for a man with a family’. I didn’t know what you meant or why you said that for a long time…” She paused for a sip of her own and the others followed suit.

“I found out what happened to your daughter after… everything that made it into any sort of record I could access. Then I realized what you meant and I was sick… for… I don’t know how long. Those pictures still make me want to puke and kill at the same time. I’m sorry my poppa failed sir… there isn’t a thing in this world I want more than to help make his death… their deaths… count.” If the atmosphere in the room had been heavily freighted with emotion before now it was so thick it made breathing seem almost impossible.

“My daughter, your father and 2 other men paid with their lives and in the doing saved a lot of children who were going to be sold as property, as slaves. Their deaths already counted for more than most from that alone. Manny… your Poppa… didn’t fail. He took his team into a trap knowingly, purely to buy time for the local yokels to show up. There was no way he could have saved my daughter, she’d been dead for hours before they made it to site…”

Gordy sounded haunted, clearly remembering that night. “Manny and his team didn’t go in there to save his CO’s kid. They went in there to save the kids of total strangers, knowing there was a piss poor chance of surviving. My daughter gave her life to get out the radio transmission that gave us their location.” The haunted tone in his voice had hardened to grief and anger mixed with pride.

“No failures child. Heroes every one…” was all he managed to rasp out before the tears took over.

Tina disengaged from Mel and went over to Gordy, just hugging him and crying along with him. The others waited in silence, not wishing to intrude on this moment so long in coming for both of them.

Eventually they pulled themselves together and Gordy turned his attention to Mel “So whats the story with short stuff over there?”

Mel pretended to splutter indignantly. “You old fraud! Short indeed... I’ll have you know I’ m a full four inches taller than my mother!”

Gordy laughed at her. “Oh I know full well, remember who marked the doorsill when you hit 4’ 8 ¼”?” he chuckled again. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget you standing there doing your absolute best to carry a torque wrench taller than you were…”

“They haven’t managed to drag her out of a greasepit since…” Charlotte chimed in with a giggle.

“Grease pit?!?!? I am straight up offended now…” Mel belied her words with a laugh.

“I’m betting her shop looks like a clean room...”

“Gordy If you ever saw a cleanroom with unidentifiable bits of machinery and fairings and whatnot scattered around it seemingly at random, then yes. The girl just has no appreciation of good honest mud!”

“You should see her idea of a mudroom! It has, like, actual mud in it!”

“That’s a mudbath! Besides, you like it just as much as I do!” Tina plopped herself down beside Mel again and whispered in her ear.

“In Mud?!?!?” Mel got a horrified expression on her face before collapsing in laughter.

“I am fairly sure I don’t want to know…” Yves remarked to the air.

“Right, back to business. Thanks for the info Gordy, I’m going to see what I can tease out of it.” He nodded and Charlotte continued.

“Mel, can you have DarkWing operational by tomorrow night?”

“Darky is good to go, I’ll have Hekyll and Jekyll for overwatch. You’re gonna wants the Bats aren’t you?”

“You know me too well…” She turned to Yves. “I know you’ve flown tactical gliders before. Just think of it like that… but with engines and weapons. We don’t have the toys the big boys get to play with but we make do…”

“Now that’s something you want Charlie teaching you how to pilot. I’ll have em out here by midmorning and it should give you enough time to get a solid feel for it. I built em with the widest flight envelope I could manage but she loaded so much stuff on em they can be a little tricky…” Mel thought for a moment. “I’m sure you’ve got your own stuff… but we’ve got a few other toys you might find useful too. I want you learning with full kit on cause that’s the way you’ll be flying.”

“Full kit? What does that mean? I will take my own weapons and harness, thank you very much!” Yves looked indignant and Gordy simply smiled to himself, having already been the beneficiary of some of the girls’ technological largesse.

“Of course you will Yves, I wouldn’t have it any other way. But if you are going in with me, you will also wear the kit I give you. Trust me, you’ll like it.” Charlotte kissed him into confused submission.

“Now, there isn’t much more in the way of planning to do just yet. There’s no nonsense with rushing to save potential victims… I’m sure the next poor bastards are already in the mixer. Anybody else got anything to add?”

Receiving no answer Charlotte nodded to herself. “Right then. Yves, call Marge tomorrow morning and let her know you won’t be in the next few days. We’ve got to get you checked out on some new equipment in a big hurry and its going to require full focus. I’ll be training you on the Bats till I feel you’re up to speed, Mel will give you some more advanced lessons with the ‘foils.”

“Sounds like fun so far!” Yves sounded enthused.

“You’re also going to have to become proficient with your new gear. Its mostly pretty intuitive stuff and easy to pick up on but I don’t want it slowing you down. Being able to dial senses up and down can throw you off if you’re not used to it.”

Yves looked slightly less enthused but curious “Dial senses up and down?”

“Vision in normal and several different combinations of sprectra. Hearing tunable in several different ways including stepping up or down as required for sounds outside human range. That’s the basics but you’ll get a feel for it pretty quickly. That’ll be first order of business before we go flying tomorrow.”

“Works for me!” Yves enthusiasm had returned.

Things wound down quickly after that, each of them having another drink before making their ways to various bedrooms. Yves was in an amorous mood and Charlotte was feeling a bit randy herself so it was a good hour and a half before Yves was drooling into his pillow and Charlotte rolled gently out of bed. She retrieved the datachip, slotted it into a receptacle in her study and set up several analysis routines, leaving them running as she returned to snuggle up to Yves’ bulk and dropped off to sleep quickly.

Charlotte was up within 5 hours and beginning her review of the analysis. Several patterns almost jumped out at her and she quickly devised a filter, leaving it running again and making her way into the kitchen for coffee. By the time the coffee machine had finished doing incomprehensible and somewhat noisy things she poured herself a large cup of coffee in a wide bottomed insulated mug, turning around to find Tina blearily searching through cabinets.

She produced another mug, filling it and adding the requested cream and sugar, shuddering a bit as she added the cream. “Can’t imagine how you can drink the stuff this way…”

“Me? You put so much sugar in yours its more like syrup! Anyway, what’d you come up with so far? I saw another filter running but it wouldn’t give me any parameters.”

“I think I’ve isolated more than just the drone control signals. If I’m right, I’ve got a pretty full read on their comms to date… metadata anyway. Using burners doesn’t help much if you maintain the same general movement patterns. Thing is, I’ve got several sets of patterns and I haven’t managed to quite get anything that gives me a location more specific than within 50 miles of here and somewhere near the coast.” Charlotte didn’t mention the other set of connections she’d pulled up and what she thought it might portend. One nest of vipers at a time…

“I think we’re going to need to have some heavy extraction options. I’d rather go in dark but if it comes down to it I want to hit fast and hard and if possible vanish… but if we have pursuit I want some serious options. Do you think Mel can have Helga running by tonight?”

“Mel already has Helga running, its just the upgrades that were a bit fiddly. I got it sorted yesterday… well mostly anyway. No worries, she won’t fail you in a pinch! Now that you’re done speaking unkindly about my babies, where the hell is my cup?”

Tina had seen Mel coming and already had her coffee ready, handing it over along with a kiss. “Charlie knows better than to speak ill of the Undead…“ The two ribbed each other back and forth as Charlotte set about making them a hearty breakfast. By the time she was ready to plate the two men had made their way in and acquired cups as well and they were all sitting around the kitchen table. Charlotte started by bringing over several condiments including catsup and steak sauces, hot sauce, a few other less identifiable things. She then stacked 4 of the plates along one arm, picked up the last and proceeded to circle the table, finishing with her own plate and sitting.

Tina and Mel were both aghast at what sat before them. A large steak seared to perfection was topped by 2 eggs, very sunny and sautéed mushrooms. A large pile of hashbrowns which had ham, onions, cheese and several other things in it kept it company on another plate, both filled to capacity.

“There’s no way I could eat this much in a whole day!” Tina spluttered. Mel nodded her agreement, unable to speak due to the piece of steak she was chewing just then.

The other 3 dug in with gusto and polished off the large meal in very short order while Tina and Mel managed to make some inroads before leaning back and declaring they were stuffed beyond belief. The other 3 quickly divided the remains of their meals and devoured those as well.

“How the hell do you eat like that and still look like that?” Tina’s question had a tinge of jealousy to it as she was always watching her weight.

Charlotte waved airily at the detritus of the huge meal. “Oh this? We’ll burn this off before lunch.”

“Wait, there’s no seconds?” Gordy nudged Yves who promptly assumed a hangdog expression and stared longingly at his empty plate then back up at Charlotte.

“I think now she has caught me, I shall be starved to death. Is this how it starts?”

“Hush you. I need you able to move and besides, a light breakfast is good for you!” Charlotte grinned at him as she rose and circled the table, somehow managing to make all the dishes vanish in one pass and everything else on the second. Within 30 seconds she had wiped the table clean with a sanitizer soaked cloth and dried it, leaving the dining area spotless as she gave the floor the same treatment.

She spent another 5 minutes in the kitchen while the others simply watched, drying and hanging the last pan and giving a last wipe to the grill top before surveying the kitchen, straightening a filter in the hood and polishing away a speck invisible to them. The kitchen looked as though a professional cleaning crew had just finished with it and she gave her characteristic little self-nod of approval before turning to see the other four watching intently.

“What?”

Yves was the first to speak. “I have seen trained teams of 3 do that in the same time and they were hurried. You looked like you were dancing…”

“Not looked like, she was dancing! And damn sexy too. Hubba Hubba!” Mel fanned herself dramatically with a hand.

“That’s what it is! She isn’t ever NOT dancing!” Tina was excited with the realization. The others turned to look at her but Charlotte understood exactly what she meant. “She had to relearn how to move, from the beginning! Most of us do that in childhood and pick up various unconscious ways of holding ourselves, of moving, of walking. You can see how that has been retrained to an extent in a lot of hard-core military types, dancers and martial artists.”

“Charlotte learned to move as an adult woman, not as a toddler. It was like she had a clean slate and good motor control to begin with so when she learned, to dance and how to fight and run and swim and all of it… All of it, every single move, is a dance. When she fights, she dances. When she fucks she dances. When she cleans a kitchen, she dances. Its not even conscious and likely never was… its just a product of who she is. Every single movement directed, no spare motion at all.”

Charlotte decided to interrupt. “Enough about me and dancing. Honestly its not something I like to talk about.”

“You might not want to talk about it Cherie but you and I are going to be dancing together very soon…”

“We’ll discuss this on the run this morning. First we get you kitted up and checked out on the augments.” She held up a hand to forestall the inevitable protest. “I know you don’t have your gear here but wait till you see what we’ve got for you. I think you’ll like it.”

“Gordy, you’re going to get a chance to play with the gear on your end too. As of now, you’re shipwrecked. Your boat is going to be found somewhere down around St Helena in a couple of days. Whether you are ever ‘rescued’… well, that’s gonna be pretty much your choice. Don’t even bother giving me an answer until this whole thing is over, ok?”

The large man was mostly impassive save for a quiet “Hooah”

“Goddammit Gordy, don’t go all soldier boy on me.” Charlotte glared at him.

“Cherie, you started it” Yves continued before she could protest “and rightfully so. This is your operation, we are your team under your command. He simply acknowledged that fact and your orders in the fashion to which he is accustomed.”

Charlotte looked chagrined “Sorry Gordy, I hadn’t thought of it that way… or quite realized the tone I’d adopted. Thank you Yves”

“Don’t worry about it kid. You’re doing exactly what you need to be doing and Yves is right. Your op, your team, your orders.”

Charlotte could still tell that he approved of her apology and her thanking Yves. “Tina, can you get started on the gear with Gordy while I get Yves kitted up and checked out? I should have us ready for a run in an hour so you’ve got a little bit. Mel, we’ll need the Bats in about 3 hours, configuration Delta-3 please. I figure an hour for basic flight checkout, lunch and then we get to go have some serious fun!”

“Charlie you can’t go up for practice runs with no chutes! Those things are… dammit! Nevermind…” Mel realized before she’d even begun to properly argue her point that it would be useless. “Just stay over water when you start with the truly insane shit please.”

Charlotte grinned at her “Aww, you take all the fun out of it!” She turned to Tina and put on a hangdog expression. “Your girlfriend is being mean to me!”

“Hey you don’t have to live with her, she puts the damper on my fun all the time!” Tina smirked at Mel.

“Only because you two idiots insist on trying to kill yourselves 8 days a week!”

“Right… this from the girl who made freaking nitroglycerine in 4th grade!”

“Nitrocellulose! Geez… blow up one little boat and everybody thinks you’re an explosives nut!” Mel was sporting a maniacal grin.

“And this would be why she’s so good at weapons design!” Charlotte interrupted the banter. “Mel, I want him trained without a safety factor. He’s just like me, give him a fudge factor and he’s likely to want to use it. The Bats can take a bath just fine and it’ll do him good to worry about it.”

“Wait, so who’s the mean one again?” Yves was giving his best confused puppy look.

“Oh its definitely me…” Charlotte purred at him.

“Then all is right with the world! Abuse me! Make me do strange and insane things! Can I haz flamethrower?” He looked hopeful.

The others laughed at him and Charlotte gave him a quick kiss. “Maybe later… for now, you get to be randomly manipulated by a maniacal fitter!” She pulled him up and out of the dining area as he feigned terrified resistance to more laughter from the others.

Once in the armory she ordered him to strip and don a thick bodysuit, explaining it to him as she helped him learn how to put it on. Once he was fully fitted, had jumped around a bit and discovered how insanely comfortable the garment was she donned her own suit and opened a cabinet filled with various types of weapons mounting systems, combat webbing, attachable hardpoints and other less identifiable gear.

“For now. Lets get you kitted up as close to your normal rig as possible then we’ll start adding stuff, ok?”

Within a few minutes he had assembled an odd mixture of combat webbing, strap on holsters and sheaths and was checking things for comfort, noise, or any snags. Satisfied, he turned his attention back to Charlotte who had decked herself out so completely that most of her bodysuit was covered with fairings or armor with hardpoints on it. He stared for a moment before she began attaching similar items to him, carefully explaining what every item did, how to use it and how to attach or detach it.

He had expected this weird form of high tech land warrior gear to weigh much more than it did and was pleasantly surprised when she finished and he jumped around a bit to test fit and comfort again. “This can’t be more than 15 kilos! This must be very light armor…”

“Well it won’t stop a .50 rifle at anything under 500 meters but aside from that I think you’ll be surprised. This is a combination of a highly reactive superfluid and piezogenerative lattice both imbedded into a hyperballistic matrix and sandwiching multiple pure layers of superfluid and crystal. It is both armor and power source for all of your gear. Sections built in can provide some degree of first aid such as applying an effective tourniquet to an injured extremity. This can occur both automatically and at your discretion.”

“Automatic temperature regulation is a side effect of the armor/power matrix and will keep you comfortable in anything from Antarctic weather to near boiling. Even fairly large breaches can self-repair in seconds.”

Yves was astonished. “Cherie, I knew you had some very nice toys but this… I’ve never heard of anything like it!”

“Oh its just something Mel and I cooked up. We were actually trying to design a spacesuit and discovered that our design was very good for that purpose but with some modifications could also be the core of a total warrior system. I’ve got some other ideas in mind for future versions but for now this is totally proprietary and in the blackest of boxes.”

She picked up a helmet and locked it into his suit in a way he couldn’t quite understand. Cool air flowed in as he inhaled and he took a moment to get the feel of the device on his head. “I barely feel like I have a helmet on at all! My field of vision seems normal, hearing seems normal… wait, can you hear me?”

Charlotte giggled at him. “I’ve got everything on normal passive right now so yes I can hear you. Now watch me fasten my helmet so you know how to do it.” She demonstrated twice before he nodded and she instructed him to remove and reattach his own helmet, then made him do it a few more times until he could get it on and off very quickly.

Once they were both fully situated with helmets on she proceeded to run him through the various augments that were available to him and their control systems. Almost exactly 1 hour later she led him out through one of the waterlocks and as soon as they were free she activated a system which caused fins to unfold from the soles of her suit and flip outward. He copied and without breaking the surface she led him through the murky water which thanks to the augments the suit provided was actually very easy to navigate.

They had exited as the tide was finished running out so she led him out onto a wide expanse of deep and clinging mud and demonstrated just how terrible the stuff was by sinking almost hip deep into it. She extracted herself with some difficulty and after a quick rinse showed him how to reconfigure the suit for the deep pluff mud. What had been fins when folded back in now spread and bent downward at the edges almost like snowshoes. The increase in surface area and the downward bend made the mud not exactly easy to walk on but doable.

When Charlotte started to run Yves discovered that it was much easier the faster you were going so they enjoyed a little romp amongst the mudflats, madly sprinting across a landscape that denied passage in any other gear unless sliding along on your belly. She had him madly cycling through the augments to see the various details he could pick out, even how he could see dimly down into the mud a few inches. Once he was comfortable on the mudflat she led him onto more solid ground and the mudshoe configuration reverted to one more suited for the terrain.

Yves found himself straining to keep up as she dashed through the dense undergrowth at a speed he knew from experience wasn’t her best but he was also taking time to experiment with the newfound senses he had gained, discovering which combinations worked best or were an active hindrance in that type of environment. He was almost surprised when she burst back out onto open mudflats, footwear reconfiguring on the fly as she dashed for the water but he went with it and followed, putting on a burst of speed and drawing even as she ran toward the water.

She didn’t let up, pulling an odd sliding maneuver that allowed her to skate over the surface of the water for a short distance before she allowed herself to fall forward into knee deep water and vanish completely. Yves switched filters on the fly and just managed to catch her spidering her way along the bottom several yards away from where he’d first looked. Without that particular combination he would have been completely unable to detect her presence.

Abandoning any idea of stealth, he simply splashed into the water until he could swim and struck out on the surface in a powerful stroke headed well away from where Charlotte was still ghosting along the bottom. He went a few yards, then stopped and sunk to the bottom where he began a similar bottom crawl, still away from her position. He circled around behind a small hummock of grasses and was proceeding toward what he’d projected as her position when he felt a tap on his wrist from beneath and jerked back in surprise as a shape rose from the mud and wrapped itself around him.

It took a moment to realize the animal wrapping itself around him was Charlotte and he’d been taken so completely by surprise. By the time he managed to react she’d unwrapped herself and was arrowing along the bottom faster than he could follow. They played cat and mouse all the way back to the waterlock before she allowed him to catch her, then pulled him down inside and hit the purge button to close the outer door and drain the water. She waited until the murky water had drained before she started an occupied cleaning cycle and strong blasts of water from all sides flushed all the mud out and off of their suits. When the cleaning cycle finished and the inner door swung open she pulled him out of the lock and hurriedly doffed her helmet while he did the same and they met in a passionate kiss.

“That was so much fun!” Yves was delighted, unable to stop smiling even as he struggled to get his suit off. Charlotte looked at him oddly for a moment then giggled, realizing she’d forgotten something very important.

“Just let it go.” At his incredulous look she blushed a little. “Feature of the suit. It can’t take care of fecal matter but urine is no problem. It was originally designed to be a short duration EVA suit and we’d have to have been supremely stupid to leave that bit out. Turns out to be useful anyway as it can be used to increase power output in severe drain situations.”

Yves stood there for a moment with a frustrated look on his face before it turned to one of relief as the obvious took place. “There is no feeling of moisture or anything… very bizarre but cool too! I do not think I could get used to doing this in front of people though. Do we get to go flying now?”

His abrupt return to a high pitch of excitement made Charlotte laugh and kiss him again before she dragged him into the ‘parking lot’ where Mel was waiting, already strapped into a larger and beefier looking version of the cargo ‘foil that was moored with their runabouts. They both strapped in and the canopy lowered as Mel maneuvered over to the boatlift and triggered the mechanism. Once they were up and out of the entry channel she brought up the turbines. Much more massive and powerful than the ones that powered the smaller boats they provided enough thrust to have them up on the planes very quickly and the passage through the shallow channels belied the initial impression that this large craft might be less maneuverable.

Once they got out into open water Mel began to steadily ramp the throttles upward and the craft leapt forward, automatic damping systems kicking in and making the ride extremely smooth and quiet. Charlotte watched as they passed 130 knots, noting with approval the continued smoothness of the ride.

“I’m glad you got that nasty little harmonic ironed out… I knew it wasn’t a safety issue but the damn subsonics just set my nerves on edge.”

“You and me both! I’ve got a few more little tweaks I got in once I got the idea this was coming. I think you’ll approve.” Mel had been steadily ramping the throttles up as they spoke and by now they were passing 170 knots and still accelerating. The ride got even smoother as the planes retracted into the hull, leaving the craft flying on surface effect and still accelerating. They stayed within 2 to 3 meters of the water’s surface for almost 20 minutes before she eased back on the throttles and the planes crawled back down into the water.

A combination of reversed thrust and flared control surfaces brought them smoothly down and to a rest before the canopy crawled open. Charlotte unstrapped and lead Yves through a hatch and into the cargo space which had also opened to the sky. With Yves’ assistance she hauled an extremely heavy and vaguely delta shaped package out of stowage and into the open space, then another to join it. She put her helmet back on and motioned Yves to follow suit, then touched a control which caused the package to unfold from either side, revealing… very little.

He followed suit at her request and watched with interest as she backed into the shape and it attached itself to hardpoints mounted on her suit. Again he followed suit and as he felt the attachments lock home a new set of displays became available in his helmet. Charlotte ran him through the flight controls quickly, then straightened up with visible strain, watched until he did the same with a surprised grunt of effort, then gave Mel the signal.

The front canopy had already closed and the wind over the craft was nearly unobstructed as the engines spooled up gently. They moved forward slowly, reaching a speed of about 20 knots before Charlotte triggered another control and suddenly the ungainly contraption on her back sprung open into something that looked about as much like a hang glider as an F47 bore to a Wright flyer. She triggered another control and suddenly the wings formed into a high-lift configuration causing the speed of their passage to lift her into flight.

She triggered her own engines and kept pace, hovering just over the moving boat while Yves’ craft unfurled and he gingerly warped the wings, providing just enough lift for a short hop, then repeating before snapping into she same high lift configuration she had used and smoothly triggering his own engines as he rose. Charlotte watched with approval as he experimented for a moment, then dropped down and back a little before sliding up into formation beside him.

“This is almost like having wings!” Yves’ excitement was clear in his voice. “I have flown tactical gliders, small aircraft… all sorts of things but this is more instinctive.”

“You’re a natural from what I can see. Now… I said I was going to give you a basic checkout but what we’re really going to do is play a bit so you can truly get your wings under you. This is the heaviest configuration these craft can run and as you notice we had to get up to almost 20 knots to get enough lift to take off. Once you’re grounded on anything but water, you’re staying on the ground unless you ditch the heavy weapons. In water you can actually get airborne again, with a little difficulty in shallow water and a lot more fun in deeper.”

Charlotte had been leading him subtly so that they rose while cruising and suddenly she flattened and tucked her wings while diving and increasing power to maximum. Her speed shot up as she dove and then flattened out a bare meter above the wavetops, skimming along at just over 100 knots. Yves followed suit and the chase was on as they climbed and swooped and played tag through the sky, exuberant with the sheer joy of the experience.

Too soon for either of their tastes she was guiding Yves back down to a safe landing on Helga’s open afterdeck and following him, then downchecking and stowing the Bats. Within a few minutes they were in the boatlift and shortly thereafter were gathered around the table making inroads on giant burgers Tina and Gordy had collaborated to make both difficult and extremely messy to eat. The mad fliers each had a huge plate of fries along with the burger while the other 3 ate more modest amounts.

Even Gordy stared in disbelief as they each piled another burger with every available fixing and wolfed it down, then slowed as they split yet another one. They both leaned back and sighed at the same moment, fully sated. Charlotte let out a quiet belch and giggled at Mel’s look.

“Gotta have fuel! Got the drones ready?” The look of amazement turned to one of mulish stubbornness.

“Yes I do and you’re not going anywhere for an hour, not after eating like that! More to the point, I’m not going anywhere so cool your jets missy!” Mel got up and huffed off to the bathroom with Tina watching affectionately but unwilling to move just yet. They sat and talked until Yves got up to make use of another bathroom and Charlotte followed to show him the fastest way to get out of the suit. Afterward they lay in bed and drowsed for a half hour or so more before donning their suits again and emerging to find Mel ready to go.

After another fast trip offshore they were in the air with power replenished and Charlotte began walking him through the weapons systems. Yves had been aware they were carrying heavy weaponry but was astounded to discover the amount of firepower they were actually carrying. Over the course of the afternoon she checked him out thoroughly including live target practice with drones followed by drone vs human dogfights. Mel fueled and rearmed them several times, telling them to stand clear while she efficiently did in 5 minutes what would have taken either of them far longer.

Late in the afternoon, confident that he was fully able to use the capabilities of the Bat, Charlotte decided to demonstrate a particular landing technique if you needed to put it down immediately. Yves watched with interest as she marked a simulated ground level, then dove toward it, pulling up and flaring at the last moment while cutting loose with continuous fire on all weapons. The recoil slowed her past stall point until she pulled up to sit neatly on the invisible line before beginning to fall and recovering into flight.

Yves tried and on the third attempt managed to duplicate her maneuver although with his additional bulk he had to start firing and flare earlier to do it. Once he had the technique down it was time to land for real, this time on the water. That was useful in another way, teaching him how to get back in the air. In heavy configuration it meant turning upside down ad dragging along in the water until they got lift from surface effect, then flying that way until they were high enough to flip and fly upright. They flew for a while longer before diving down out of the sky to meet the waiting boat. He was still exhilarated by the day’s activities but the physical effort had them both sitting quietly while Mel brought them back home.

They took time afterward, cleaning all the gear including Bats, suits and weapons with careful instruction to Yves and the occasional scolding about mud in places that it shouldn’t be able to get into from Mel to Charlotte. Once everything had been downchecked and rechecked it was all stowed in a ready posture on Helga with Mel handing them each towels as they took off the suits.

“Mmmm, you smell good…” Charlotte murmured as she leaned into Yves and they half supported each other into their bedroom where they dressed in comfortable shorts and tops.

Yves took a moment and sniffed his armpit. “Well I don’t smell bad… not the way I’d expect to after the kind of workout we had today.” He leaned down, raised her arm and sniffed her armpit. “You on the other hand smell delicious! Another feature of the suit, eh?”

“Actually yes. All the yumminess of pheromones without all the nastiness of BO. It was an almost side-effect.” Yves raised his eyebrow at her. “You know, one of those things that’s like ‘Hey I can do 10 cool things at once and 3 other nifty but nonessential things for nothing extra so why wouldn’t I?’”

“Right. Insane scientist logic.”

“That’s Mad Scientist I’ll have you know!”

They made their way into the dining area and were sniffing appreciatively at the smells Gordy and Tina were generating. Mel joined them after being warned off by her girlfriend, although not before collecting a kiss. A huge meal arrived at the table shortly thereafter to be greeted by loud acclaim and they all sat down to demolish it. As they had at lunch Yves and Charlotte ate a truly astonishing amount of food, washing it down with large glasses of tea while the others ate more slowly. They all finished at roughly the same time although Charlotte was still working on another large wedge of pie.

She gestured at Gordy. “I haven’t had Rhubarb pie like this since I was a child. Around here people always ruin it with strawberries. Thanks Gordy!”

“I had to take my mind off the insane shit you two were doing. Very cool stuff… but absolutely batshit crazy. Charlie, that marsh run was one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a long time and that little ambush you set for Yves was nothing short of brilliant. I knew you were there and still couldn’t spot you in his feed until the very last moment, probably about the same time he felt the first touch by the reaction time.”

Gordy went on to dissect both of their performances but had very little negative to say. “Overall,” He concluded, “I’ve rarely seen the equal of either of you on the ground, never in the water or air. I’d pity the poor bastards you’re after but I have no pity for slavers.”

“Thanks Gordy. We’re gonna do a night run about 0200 and I want you along for that too. Yves and I are gonna catch some sack time and we’ll see you at 0130.” Charlotte lead Yves into the bedroom where they spent a few moments nuzzling before falling asleep in each other’s arms, utterly exhausted.

“I had to take my mind off the insane shit you two were doing. Very cool stuff… but absolutely batshit crazy. Charlie, that marsh run was one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a long time and that little ambush you set for Yves was nothing short of brilliant. I knew you were there and still couldn’t spot you in his feed until the very last moment, probably about the same time he felt the first touch by the reaction time.”

Gordy went on to dissect both of their performances but had very little negative to say. “Overall,” He concluded, “I’ve rarely seen the equal of either of you on the ground, never in the water or air. I’d pity the poor bastards you’re after but I have no pity for slavers.”

“Thanks Gordy. We’re gonna do a night run about 0200 and I want you along for that too. Yves and I are gonna catch some sack time and we’ll see you at 0130.” Charlotte lead Yves into the bedroom where they spent a few moments nuzzling before falling asleep in each other’s arms, utterly exhausted.

*** And Now…***

Yves woke to sun streaming into the bedroom and groaned as he moved. Their night run had been unexpectedly brutal and he was feeling the punishment. Charlotte had proven to be even more adept on land in darkness and had taught him a few things about how to move. By the time dawn’s faint light showed he was very nearly able to keep pace with her and much more quietly than before although she did chide him about making more noise than a bull crashing around. They entered the waterlock just after watching the sunrise together, eyes barely out of the water and completely hidden unless you knew how to look for them.

The sunrise together in that way had been oddly and unexpectedly romantic which had his thoughts turning toward the future as he dealt with morning routines and emerged into the sitting room to find Gordy watching a football game.

“Anyone else around?”

The older man looked over at him after the play ended. “Nope. Tina and Mel are over at her place. Mel needed some tools and they both needed some clothes. They’re also setting up a secondary array so I don’t have to rely on outside systems. Charlotte ran down to Edisto to install some new hardware there and get it tied in. Next time we see those control signals we’ll have the bastards to within a few yards.”

“Good. I can tell this is biting at you and Charlotte so there is some past here. This has to do with the people who did those horrible things to her, yes?”

Gordy muted the screen. “More than that Yves. The people responsible for the deaths of my daughter and Tina’s father got away untouched. We wiped out one small group of nasties but their bosses weren’t there or anywhere near and we never could manage to trace it back and find them. We have a good idea who is behind it overall but they are out of our reach, protected by diplomatic immunity and some serious firepower. Even covert teams were out of the question because the governments in question are nominal allies.”

“Blood cries out for blood. I understand this well.” Yves paused for a moment. ”I think I will be very busy trying to keep up with Charlotte and guarding her back though. You saw how she was this morning.”

“Guarding her isn’t your biggest problem.” Yves cocked a questioning eyebrow “She’s a berserker. I’ve seen it in her… if she runs into heavy opposition she’s one of those people who can’t be stopped without killing her and with her armor that will take some pretty serious firepower. She will kill and keep killing until there isn’t anything alive around her that offers hostility… and then she will break.”

Yves was trying to deny the truth of Gordy’s words but he knew it was futile. Both of them had seen comrades succumb to battle-lust and go into rages that clouded everything about them but the instinct to fight and kill.

“What can I do?”

“For most there is someone whose presence can stabilize them enough to keep them from going over the edge or pull them back once they have gone. You are that person for Charlie. Stick close to her, make sure she always knows you’re there… and stay alive. That should be enough.”

Yves sat there lost in thought for a few moments. “Is there no other way to help?”

“The only thing that can help her right now is to slay the demons that torment her and she finally has a chance. I’d be right there with you both if I could and I’ll be there watching your backs as much as I can but in the end its you and her on the ground. Get in, gather intel, destroy, extract. Keep it as businesslike as possible and she’ll stay on an even keel… as even as she gets anyway.”

“Charlie, unstable? I can’t imagine what would make you think that!” Mel’s voice came from the corridor as she stepped out of the comms room. “I mean, aside from the fact that I’ve met more stable nitroglycerine that is. Gordy’s right Yves, you just need to be there for her. You didn’t know her before… um, well before you knew her. There was a part of her even people who had known her literally from birth couldn’t touch but you have. She’s in love with you and it anchors her… you anchor her… in ways nothing else could.”

“That is… I don’t even know what to say. I am happy she feels that way… I have been in love with her for years now and hoping that she would allow herself to love me in return. Only Gordy knew me before I met her but I was not the easiest fellow to know either. If I have helped her she has helped me every bit as much and I am a better man for knowing her.” He thought for a moment “Besides, stability is overrated.”

“Well said young Jedi!” Tina bopped into the room carrying a mass of cabling and dropped it into Yves’ lap “Now be a dear and untangle these for me while I get something on. Charlie left right after we did so she should be back from Edisto in an hour or so and I want to be done by then because you kids are on alert per Charlie. She’s got her weird witchy shit goin on and she thinks it’ll go down tonight or tomorrow night. Either way I want you both as well fed and rested as possible. That means you too Gordy so sit down.”

Gordy stopped halfway out of his seat and lowered himself again before finally rising to his feet and heading off toward a bathroom. Yves decided following orders was the better part of valor and tried to get into the football game although he wasn’t really a fan of either team. Tina handed him a large glass of tea and refilled the one Gordy had been working on before rejoining Mel in the kitchen.

Gordy rejoined him and they managed to rouse some interest in the game while loud banging emanated from the kitchen. They looked at each other, considered for a moment and decided investigating would be a bad idea so focused on the screen. Soon enough the banging stopped and other noises took its place so that decision appeared to have been the correct one.

20 minutes later Charlotte walked into the room and plopped herself down beside Yves after a quick kiss with Mel following behind her, spatula in hand.

“Dammit Charlie, I thought I told you surface effect on the runabouts wasn’t stable enough yet! What the hell is wrong with you woman?!? Just because it can go that fast doesn’t mean it should!”

“Cool your jets girl! I was in a rush to get back home and I felt the need for speed in a pretty severe way so I maxed it. You’ll be glad to know that nasty little flutter eases out above 212 knots and its actually a pretty decent ride although you have to pay attention. That little spot between 200 and 212 is a little beyond squirrely though. I played with it and if you do it right you can run through that spot up and down in under 2 seconds so its workable… but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. I’ve got a couple of mods in mind that should help on that front and may serve to massively increase speed and flight envelope. Its something to play with anyway.”

The smaller woman’s temper faded as rapidly as it had appeared. “This is that full flight mod you were talking about?”

“Yep. It’s a minor hull mod with small extensible wing/control surfaces and a bit more power.”

“Let me guess, you’re thinking about adding another engine?” Mel thought for a moment. “That’s a serious weight penalty for the additional thrust. Wouldn’t it be better to just go with a larger engine?”

“Not with the flight envelope we should be able to achieve. The whole thing revolves around additional speed and small lift surfaces being enough to go beyond surface effect and into true flight but that means you need power to set it back down properly. I suppose you could do some sort of crash dive and flare maneuver but even with the additional lifting surfaces it would be… I’d hate to try it. 20% or less chance of surviving it on a good day so yeah… 2 engines but 2 bigger engines!”

“Ok, we’ll work on that once this is over but for now… please keep the damn thing in the water!” Mel was gesturing at her with the spatula.

Charlotte sighed and pouted at her. “You never let me have any fun! Meanie!”

“Yves, talk some sense into her!” Mel’s protest was tossed over her shoulder and only halfhearted as she disappeared into the kitchen knowing full well her pleas fell on deaf ears.

Yves, deciding cowardice was the better part of valor, did no such thing. Instead he reached out to wrap an arm around Charlotte and they watched the football game with Gordy until it was time to go in and eat.

Between them they ate easily twice what the others did and once finished they all watched a show together before Charlotte led him out of the room for the evening. After some exertion on both their parts they fell asleep as dusk stole over the marsh.

Charlotte came to awareness already moving as Yves rolled out of bed on the other side and they ran for the doorway, almost making it before the blaring klaxon stopped. They did not stop with it, piling into the newly designated ops center to find Gordy already beginning to kit up. Noise from further down the corridor told of Mel opening the hatch to the ‘parking lot’ while Tina was busy correlating signals data.

“John’s Island, down toward Kiawah. I’ll send you more info on the boat. Mel says go in 30 seconds.” Tina’s tone was crisp but filled with suppressed excitement as her fingers played over multiple input panels.

Within 2 minutes they had already left the channels and were out into open water where Mel poured on the throttle and had them in surface effect mode very quickly. Yves and Charlotte had already pulled their suits on at that point and were attaching the rest of their gear as they flew. By the time Mel throttled down and they felt the planes enter the water they had already staged the Bats and were ready to clip in while the rear canopy opened.

They gave each other a final visual check, each tugging or slapping bits of the other’s rig as Mel’s voice sounded in their comlink. “Bat deployment in 20 seconds. I have DarkWing and the crows on overwatch and I’ll patch it over to you once you’re in the air. Be advised there is significant phone traffic at the location and at this time sensors tentatively show approximately 30 personnel on location. Retracting canopy now.”

With that warning they both clipped into their aircraft and brought up their systems, both of them deliberately staying out of the airflow until they were comfortable with systems check. Charlotte was the first to step into the wind and snap into high lift configuration but their speed was close to 40 knots and that resulted in her vanishing into the night with a rapid upward jerk. Yves followed suit and soon they were in the air, headed toward the target location at maximum speed.

“Be advised I have more personnel inbound, multiple civilian vehicles traveling at a high rate of speed. Sensors indicate possibly 50 additional hostiles. Recommend slowing approach to observe before contact.” Tina’s voice was even more crisp than it had been earlier.

They pulled up to gain altitude and continued toward the target site at a slower rate, steadily climbing above 500 feet and engaging active noise cancellation to mask the remaining sound their engines emitted as they loitered. Easily visible from this height was a caravan of blacked out utility vehicles running at high speed directly toward their target and as they watched from above the vehicles turned onto the access road and came sliding to a halt in the midst of a small clearing. People piled out of the vehicles, already in the midst of a large and growing firefight.

It took some minutes for the fighting to ease and during that time Charlotte had been interacting with Tina, comparing patterns and finding an answer that made her grin savagely as she turned her attention back to the immediate scene. “Nothing but hostiles here and they’re doing a pretty good job of taking each other out. Looks like fewer than 20 left combat capable out if this little mess and we have multiple bears inbound.”

Yves spoke up. “Recommend abort at this point.”

“”Concur. Base, detail crows for overwatch and LEO assistance. Shift Darkwing to new target, CAP, and send crows to follow as soon as all hostiles apprehended. Mobile, please shift position to provide closest available wet extraction.”

With that she dove to skim just above the forest canopy until they were far enough away to increase throttle. They both climbed and went to maximum power headed further down the coast wondering just what they would find until Tina’s voice broke the silence.

“Target multiple hostiles, count three-eight human, multiple canines. Also multiple noncombatants, appear to be juveniles, count estimated five-seven.”

Charlotte studied the information that came up on her displays critically. “Advise mission alteration. Objective is now rescue of noncombatants. Combatant elimination secondary. Advise LEO location, estimated numbers all categories.”

It was a moment or two before Tina’s voice came back. “LEO ETA two-zero mikes. Crows free, inbound to site.”

Mel’s voice followed “Mobile ETA 5 mikes. Noncombatant extraction not possible due to terrain and capacity limitations.”

Tina cut in again. “2 school buses en route for extraction and reinforcement, ETA one-five mikes. Count one-eight friendlies, possible additional friendlies inbound. Be advised they are aware of your possible presence.”

“My cup runneth over…” Charlotte muttered under her breath.

The images relayed from DarkWing enabled them to plan as they approached. The proximity of the armed hostiles to their prisoners and the overall layout took their previous shock and awe plan completely out of the equation and made stealth the priority for as long as practical. With this in mind Charlotte decided they would come in as silent as possible and drop from the still flying Bats which would continue under remote operation so they would have additional air support available if they needed it.

Gordy worked with them on a plan that should allow them to eliminate around 1/3 of the hostiles before raising an alarm amongst the sentries and planning follow ups to take advantage of aerial support once their presence became known. They had everything in place and ready to go as the two stealthed in with engines almost entirely masked and dropped into a small clearing, rolling to absorb the momentum they had no other way to shed. The Bats ghosted silently on while they gathered themselves and went their separate directions toward opposing edges of the hostile compound.

The entire team was silent as they got to their planned locations and both signaled ready, rising and silently dispatching their chosen target before hiding the body as well as possible and proceeding to the next. In this way they made a little more progress than they had estimated but when discovery came it was hard and fast. Fortunately for their response, it was also very poorly aimed ‘Pray and Spray’ fire and they were untouched but now had to deal with 6 more hostiles outside the walls and another 20 or so inside.

Gordy’s voice came through their coms. “Crash in 4, Gamma-3”

They each sprinted toward the wall, counting on speed to avoid direct fire for the seconds before self- guided rounds found their designated targets and ripped each of the hostiles who had been firing nearly in half so that they were momentarily clear. They used the time to get over the wall and directly into the middle of a chaotic situation where they were able to slip around and eliminate another combatant each before drawing fire from the remaining adults. It was all small arms so no real danger to either of them but there were children huddled in terrified clumps, screaming and crying, others trying to comfort them and still others who had picked up weapons from their fallen captors and were simply firing at anything that moved until they ran dry.

Gordy was servicing targets from above as he could but the scene was not conducive to sniper fire so Charlotte and Yves were mostly on their own. The occasional hit from unpredictable directions caused their armor to momentarily stiffen in spots as it absorbed and distributed the impact but it didn’t significantly impede their movements and they both moved through the madness with deadly efficiency. The sounds of gunfire tapered off and Yves was moving to clear a small pocket of resistance when Charlotte saw one of the men seize a child, followed shortly by another who attempted to hide behind the slight frames of the children.

Without thought she launched herself into a running kick toward one of them and as he moved his head to the side she curled her knee around his neck, snapping it violently while changing her directional momentum to bring her around moving in the direction of the other who had yet to realize his companion was quite dead. He got off a wild shot which missed her as she buried a throwing knife in his throat and rolled away to her feet to find… no resistance. Yves had cleared his area and there were no more armed adults although a few children still held long exhausted weapons in white knuckled grips of desperation.

Before they had a chance to offer help Tina’s voice came over their coms. “Incoming LEO airborne ETA 4 mikes, multiple bogies. Buses ETA 3 mikes. Frying Pan in effect, option pi.”

They glanced at each other then moved to secure weapons and ensure none of the captors would be able to offer resistance but the children, terrified and reacting in all the ways terror brings were avoided entirely. They vanished over the wall and made a great show of crashing inland before they quietly doubled back and around, darkness hiding them as they ran across mudflats interspersed with half solid grassy hummocks and underbrush where land was more solid but their objective now was speed and they focused on that.

More quickly than they thought possible they were scrambling up into Mel’s boat and she had it up on the planes before they managed to get seated, the canopy already halfway closed. By the time they got strapped in the canopy was closed and they were accelerating as quickly as possible, the thrust pressing them back into their seats and side to side as the boat followed its programmed escape course at the highest speed it could manage. Before even leaving the channels they had transitioned to surface effect flight and were making maximum possible speed directly out to sea. Mel was focusing on her craft but Yves and Charlotte were both unable to tear themselves from the scene that played out in their displays, relayed from DarkWing high overhead.

By the time the Law Enforcement aircraft arrived the locals had been there a full minute already and were all in and around the compound. One of them was trying to talk to a young girl who was clutching a weapon the two knew to be empty, trying to convince them they were there to help and having no luck. He moved toward her and jerked backward as the hammer ticked home on an empty chamber, then gathered himself and went to his knees in front of her, unloading his weapon and putting it down. They were frozen like that for an interminable instant before the area was filled with police of every description and the locals all safed their weapons before carefully laying them on the ground.

Once they were sure the situation was under control they flipped that feed away and took their helmets off. Charlotte sat there in the darkened cabin with tears coursing down her face, barely able to contain the unnamed grief that felt like it was ripping her chest apart. Her control was so rigid that she was only able to hear the edges of Yves’ voice as he tried to say something to her and her vision was tunneled directly in front. She wanted to move, to respond to him yet her ability to move, to speak, even to think was simply gone.

Even when the canopy opened and Yves gently unstrapped her then carried her into their bathroom she was unable to react to his kisses and words of love. He gently sat her down against one wall of the shower and adjusted the heads to focus on a spot in the middle, under the waterfall head. He came back over and gently removed her suit, yanking his off with rough haste and carrying her into the riot of hot spray before sitting down, cradling her in his lap as the warmth and his touch finally penetrated her stupor.

Great ragged sobs of long pent grief came tearing out until her voice was ragged and she wasn’t even sure if she was breathing anymore. All the while, Yves held her and comforted her with half heard words and the solid reality of his presence, his love until she eventually fell asleep in his arms with hot water streaming over both of them. Yves sat there for some time longer, grateful that the water hid the signs of his own tears.

Eventually he shut off the water and Charlotte awoke at the touch of cool air on her skin. She looked up at him for a moment in silence before she spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

Yves was dumbfounded. “Sorry for what Cherie?”

“I… I couldn’t keep it together. I’m sorry I was weak, that I broke down like this. I thought I was better than that…”Charlotte was on the verge of tears again.

“Weak? That is the last word I would use. You are ashamed of an emotional reaction after combat? You think crying makes you weak?”

She nodded, unable to speak.

“Some of the best men and women I have ever served with had similar reactions, I do too… It is a part of our humanity. For you, with the trauma that you lived through the simple fact that you were able to move at all, much less in the ways that you did, to perform at a level very few reach until the job is done? That is nothing short of heroic. I do not think you are weak Cherie, I think you are possibly the strongest person I have ever known.”

Yves helped her to her feet and began to dry her with a large bath sheet, while she reciprocated and in a few minutes they were in the bedroom getting dressed before joining the other three in the common area. Gordy had heavy snacks laid out in the kitchen but for the moment none of them were interested in food, choosing to get altered as quickly as possible first. To that end they started out with beer and began to add shots of tequila every few minutes while they each puffed away at a finely carved meerschaum pipe which contained one of Charlotte’s special varieties bred specifically for a giggly high.

It was a good choice, helping to raise the somber mood they all arrived in and allow them to talk about it a little without getting seriously into the emotional baggage. They stayed up to watch the morning news although by that time they were all staggering drunk and laughing at the newscasters as they described the ghostly figures who had eliminated the last of the hostiles. They made their way to bed and just as Charlotte drifted off she herd Yves sigh almost under his breath. “Bona nit amor meu…”

She just managed to murmur the same words back to him in English before she fell asleep. “Goodnight, my love…”

When she awoke it was late afternoon and sunlight was steaming into the room causing dust motes to dance in the streamers of brightness. Yves’ arm was pulling her into him and he was stretched out on his back while she curled around him, her head resting on his chest and one leg thrown over him while the other foot sat gently on top of his. A gentle kiss was her awakening and as they kissed he stroked her in the ways that they had taught each other and they caught fire, making love with the same intensity they had each felt in battle. Afterward they lay together, her head again cushioned on his chest as their breathing slowed.

“Why are you crying?” Yves held a tear he caught from her check on his fingertip before popping it into his mouth. He tasted for a moment, rolling the flavor over his tongue while he thought. “These taste like…happy crying mixed with grief….”

“It is because I love you. It is because I am afraid that you will be taken from me like my parents and my life were…. It is because I don’t know what to feel!” she sobbed quietly. “I killed… so many people and there was nothing in my heart but a thirst for their blood and the desire to protect the children. What is wrong with me…? Her words tapered off into a whining cry and she buried her face in his chest.

Yves held her, his mind racing. “Cherie… There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing that isn’t wrong with me and every other person who has had to take a life. Nothing that isn’t wrong with anyone who has been in the sorts of situations we have both been in, with life and death riding on what we do in that instant. You… We… are what evolution made us, a creature that is really extraordinarily deadly if it needs to be but intelligent and caring enough to hate that necessity. You can choose to reject that truth or you can embrace it as part of the whole of who you are.”

He pulled Charlotte’s chin up until she met his eyes. “I don’t think what you did today was wrong in any way… I was right there with you. You went in there and did what you needed to do to save other people’s children, you did it without hesitation and every single one of those kids is alive because you did that. You didn’t think about the cost to you aside from ensuring it didn’t interfere with the duty you set for yourself. That you break down after such a thing… I would be a little worried if you hadn’t reacted fairly badly.”

Yves drew her to him and kissed her softly, murmuring just inches away with the heat of his breath on her face and lips. “There is nothing wrong with you Cherie. Everything is right with you. Even the ways you are broken speak well of you.”

“I wish I could believe that.” She put her head back down on his chest.

“You don’t have to believe it. I believe for both of us. When we have children I cannot imagine anyone better to take care of them, keep them alive… teach them to be good people. I love you Charlotte and I could not do that if I did not respect you. You know this about me.”

Charlotte lay there for a few more moments enjoying the warmth of his embrace before rolling out of bed. She came out of the bathroom a few minutes later and joined Yves in the common area, watching while he began to prepare food. By the time it was ready the other 3 had joined them, all somewhat the worse for wear after the previous night. There was very little conversation while they ate, the emotional freight of their actions coming home to roost in the brightness of the day.

“I’m retiring.” Gordy dropped the words into the silence as they finished eating.

“You? Retire? What brought this on?” Charlotte inquired.

“30 years brought it on. Up or out and there’s no up left for me.” He leaned back and patted his belly. “I’d given some thought to building a little place not too far away from here, that is if you don’t mind. I might have been born a mountain boy but I think this place has gotten into my blood and I’d like to settle here.”

“Of course you’re welcome here. I mean that literally. You are welcome in our home for as long as you wish to stay. If you want to build nearby that’s awesome too. You’ve been family to me for a very long time Gordy and I know you don’t have any other family left. All of us want you to be our family. Please let it happen?” Charlotte was turning on the big sad puppy dog eyes in a serious way with predictable results.

“I can’t imagine how you thought I was going to do anything else. One of these days there are gonna be a bunch of kids running around here and they’ll need a grandpa to keep em from eatin the gators.” Gordy smirked at them.

The moment was interrupted by a proximity alert which they shut down as soon as Tina verified it was Tommy incoming. A few moments later Charlotte was waiting at the dock to tie off and give him a hand out of the boat with Nora leaping up right alongside, tongue lolling to the side in a doggie grin.

“You look like shit. Wannna drink?” He simply nodded and followed her into the house, taking a seat in the common room while she poured him a generous glass of whiskey and a bowl of water for the eager lab.

Tommy drained the glass and held it out for a refill. “Do yawl have any idea of the shitstorm I had to deal with this morning? I had everybody from SLED to the Feds crawling up my ass and the only reason I’m not still neck deep in it is because Homeland took the whole damn thing and black-boxed it.”

“Good. This thing is so far above any of our pay grades its not even stupid and you’re better off out of the loop. I’m assuming you kept my name out of it?” Charlotte cocked an eyebrow at him which was met with a sigh.

“Officially, we don’t know shit. Your name did come up but only when they asked about the material we used for the drain filters… they thought it was brilliant. We played stupid otherwise, not that it was any stretch and they didn’t think any different. The one thing they did leave with us was all those kids… Hopefully we can find their parents or a relative who can take them.”

“What about the kids? Are they all ok?” Charlotte was trying to hold the level of emotion she felt out of her voice and not succeeding. Yves moved around to wrap an arm around her waist in support.

“A little beat up, not much though. They were to be sold as slaves and the buyers don’t like the merchandise abused before they get a chance to do it themselves. Some of those kids are just amazing….” He shook his head, staring into his glass which had emptied itself again. “At least 2 of em are like you Charlie and I’m pretty sure there are a couple of transboys too. I’m worried we won’t be able to find anyone to take them and you know how poorly variant kids fare in the foster system.”

“The answer is yes.” Charlottes tone brooked no argument. “If any of those kids can’t be returned to a loving, nurturing environment we can make sure they have a safe place. Its not just us here, there’s a whole community who will help. You saw what happened once the locals figured out what was going on. First thing they did was load for bear, grab some buses and go in there to rescue those children. You know as well as I do what kind of good people we have here.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not going to worry. There’s no shortage of bigoted assholes around here either.” Tommy groused.

“I’d be worried about you if you didn’t worry Tommy. That’s you, always concerned with truth, duty and the welfare of others above your own. At some point you have to take care of yourself you know?”

“How the flyin’ hell am I supposed to take care of myself when I know you’re out there doing shit that can get you killed!? What were you lot thinking?!?”

Charlotte sat on the arm of his chair and hugged him to her side. “I was thinking that I didn’t want to go to the funerals of my friends who would have walked into something so far outside their area of expertise I doubt any of them would have survived. Those kids are peacetime cops Tommy. They aren’t like you and some of the oldtimers that have not just seen but eaten the elephant.”

“I see your point but you guys ran up a kill count over 150 bodies! Wasn’t there some other way?”

“We aren’t the ones responsible for most of that. We watched while two batches of em tore each other to shreds and left some aerial support to help the LEOs when they got there. I won’t say we weren’t happy about it but we didn’t do it. Now the location where you found the kids… I don’t think I should either confirm nor deny our presence.” Charlotte almost winked at him with that last statement.

“Well I don’t think you have to do either thing. Next time pick your blade up.” He pulled Charlotte’s throwing knife out of his sleeve and flipped it to proffer it handle first.

“Thanks Tommy!” Charlotte leaned over and gave him a hug again.

“I don’t even want to know what happened there, I’m just glad you got out before anyone else arrived and that you’re unhurt. Just… lay low for a while, huh?”

“We’ll certainly keep out of sight for a while! Yves and I need a nice long trip to get to know each other better and I figure we’d like a bit of company in the bargain. I wouldn’t worry about us Tommy, I hear Jakarta is a great place this time of year!”

Tommy just buried his head in his hands for a moment. “I don’t even know why I bother trying…”

“Oh please, you just wish you could come along. We’re gonna nail these bastards Tommy, every last one of them. It not just us, there are other teams all over the world dedicated to ending slavery once and for all and we won’t stop until every last slaver is dead.”

Tommy just looked at her in amazement while the others gave nods of agreement.

“Got any room for an old detective past his prime?”

“All you had to do was ask.”

The End… For Now…

Somehow

The shadows fall across my cheekbones
Carve light into the hollows under my chin

Slash my thighs into sharp relief

Hone my longing

Breathless

A gentle stroke of a fingernail up the inside of my thigh

I wish I could just let myself go

Catherine came slowly to awareness, so unlike her usual instant wakefulness. It took a moment for her to regain her bearings as she looked around at morning sunlight slanting through slats into a large and well-appointed although decidedly masculine bedroom. The sheets beside her were still warm and she drew in the scent of the man she assumed was responsible for the other delicious smells teasing her nose.

After a moment simply enjoying her surroundings biology forced her from bed and into one of the two bathrooms adjoining the suite. Once she’d taken care of business, brushed her teeth and washed the residue of the previous night from her she took a few moments to examine the room. This had clearly been intended for a woman and one who loved flowers as that was the overarching theme from the painted tiles and subtly decorated rose-pink towels.

The usual doubts crept into her mind. How could a man who’d loved such an entirely feminine woman feel the same for her with her just slightly too angular to be called pretty… well, everything really…? The soreness down below told her that he most certainly was though and that little twinge served to derail the negative train of thought. A little more exploration yielded a short silk robe in a vibrant deep red with a lotus blossom print and she pulled it on, noting that it very nearly failed to cover her. The little loops held the belt so high it would have been almost an empire wait if tied so she took it from the loops and tied it properly around her waist, studying herself critically in the mirror.

The robe softened her look and she had to admit that it ending just below crotch level was quite suggestive. Her hair required only a little work, a hand run through sufficient to make it look roughly styled. Her customary long wearing makeup hadn’t even smudged so after a final appraisal she turned and made her way downstairs.

She stopped at the entrance to the kitchen, taking in the spacious work areas and the profusion of heavy grade stainless steel, the hanging racks over one of the islands with all manner of implements and shining copper pans. “Wow… This is a kitchen for a serious chef!”

“That was Leigh Anne… I can manage but…” Bobby shrugged. “Sleep well?

“Better than I have for a long time, you?” She studied the bare skin that showed around the apron he wore, noticing he wore only shorts with it

“It was odd, having someone else with me… I’d finally learned to sleep alone…” He smiled as he picked up a piece of bacon with tongs to flip it, rearranging it with the other slices. “Best sleep I’ve had in years.”

“I’m glad. Can I help?”

“Nah, its all waiting on the bacon, nothing to do just yet. Coffee?” he looked over to the machine, a carafe of dark liquid against shining steel.

He turned his attention back to the stove while she poured a cup and added sugar to taste, sighing at the first sip of the bitter nectar. When she turned his eyes were on her, taking in her form with a smile and she returned the frank assessment. It was a timeless moment for both of them when their eyes finally met after roaming across each other and before she realized it they’d met each other halfway and were kissing passionately, hands roaming over each other.

They finally broke for air and she snuggled into his embrace for a moment before he gently disengaged. “Gotta pay attention to the food…” he almost gasped. He suited action to words so she sat on one of the high chairs at the island that also served as a small bar and sipped at her coffee while admiring the interplay of muscles under his skin.

“So what brought you back here? I saw the Montana plates so I guess you still live out there?” the bacon had made its way onto a drip rack and he cracked 4 large eggs into the skillet, the sizzle of them in the bacon grease making her mouth water. Just as he slid the eggs onto plates he added the toast that popped out at almost the perfect time along with several slices of crispy bacon and came over to take a seat beside her.

“Thanks Bobby, it smells delicious and I’m famished!” Salt and pepper were applied before she used her fork to carefully make a hole in the top of the liquid yolk, dipping her toast into it and smiling beatifically as she chewed. “I keep a house there, yeah… its convenient for a few reasons but I spend a fair amount of time traveling for work. I’m here for Dad’s funeral…”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know…” she cut him off.

“Its okay. We’d made our peace some years ago and he got the death he always said he wanted, dead before he hit the floor. I worry about Mom a bit but she’s the toughest woman I’ve ever known so not all that much. I’m just a little nervous about the memorial service… I can’t imagine how people will react… I mean some of them changed my diapers when I was a baby.” Her eyes danced “I’m rather looking forward to it but the ceremony itself… Take a regular funeral and make it twice as preachy, add in some really horrific group singing and you’ve got half an idea.”

“Sounds… well it sounds like you could use an escort. It’d be my honor to do it you know.” He took a bite of bacon and chewed, watching her reaction with a feeling of relief as she grinned at him.

“I’d like that, one of his brothers should be there to send him off. I’m assuming your dress uniform still fits?”

He grinned back at her. “Well not still exactly, I had to have it altered a bit. I was a bit bulkier back then but that’s just not something you can maintain if you’re not training all the time.”

“I can’t wait to see you in it. Thank you for the offer Bobby… I wanted at least one person there to honor his service and I can’t imagine anyone more perfect than you. You won’t mind that I intend to wear his Budweiser as a broach? Lori is going to wear his jump wings.”

“I honestly can’t imagine anything more fitting but I am a bit curious how you intend to make matte black show up against a black dress…” He frowned slightly, trying to envision it.

“Well come Sunday you won’t have to wonder any more… but you’re right, it took some doing. Fortunately I have this friend who makes the odd item of clothing and he’s absolutely brilliant at it.” She flashed another grin at him.

“Do you have someplace to stay?” he hesitated a moment. “What I mean is, will you stay here? I’d really like it if you would…”

“I had a reservation at the Mills house but since you’ve offered… yes, I’d like very much to stay here. I spend much more time than I’d like in hotels.” She chewed for a moment before adding “Besides, you have the most extraordinary bed-warmer…”

They finished breakfast, both working to clean up and soon they were getting ready for their days after a very long shower together. She’d brought her bags in and was attired in a business suit, looking almost severe with her hair in a tight bun only softened by subdued jewelry and the crème lace over watered silk of her shell.

“Whatever you’re doing today they won’t know what hit em! Its that perfect combination of businesslike and super-hot!” Bobby enthused as she straightened his uniform. They walked together down the stairs to their cars, sharing a long kiss before they separated. She watched as he took his “Smokey” hat off and hung it from a special gadget designed to snug it up against the roof of his cruiser out of the way, then pulled out behind him to follow the winding driveway. They turned in opposite directions then and she focused her thoughts on her task for today. A deliberate trip through back roads led her to the airbase gates where after a moment her credentials were handed back to her and she was waved through.

The familiar roads took her almost without conscious thought to an anonymous brick building with nothing to mark it as separate from its neighbors unless you counted the number of rather expensive vehicles in its parking lot. She smirked to herself as she thought about how all these new cars bought so dearly would be left in the dust by her decade old Mercedes bought for just under $10,000 dollars. Once inside and past the security checkpoints she was ushered into a large conference room filled with other in civilian dress. She took the remaining vacant seat and smiled around at her team, getting grins back from most of them.

“Someone had a good night from the looks of it!” Catherine tried to glare at Stacey but couldn’t keep it up. “So do tell, how was the night with Mr tall dark and studly?”

“You’re a nosy lot…” The silly smile that spread over her face said all that was necessary and there were a few more moments of good natured razzing.

“Ok guys, we do actually have work to do. You first Rimmi.”

The tall thin man manipulated his tablet, causing a display at one end of the room to show photos of a decent sized compound with armed guards patrolling the perimeter. “Okay, overhead gave us a little more than we had from sigint but not much. I’m afraid we’re looking at a largely blind entry in force if we want to retrieve the materials. Destroying it onsite isn’t feasible because it could contaminate a wide area so there doesn’t appear to be much of an option. Now notice here” a pointer appeared onscreen “here and there. Those appear to be the weakest areas and should likely be our entry points…”

Some hours later the meeting ended and they had a course of action drawn up. As they filtered out to the parking lot she found herself walking with Stacey.

“You sure you’re gonna be alright boss? We can do this without you you know…” The teasing from earlier was gone, just concern in her voice.

“I’ll be fine Stace. I can’t shirk my duty just because there’s stuff going on in my personal life” she looked down at the shorter woman “Any more than you could when your brother died. We’ll get this mission dealt with and then I’ll see about taking some time off, ok?”

“I’ll believe that when I see it. You haven’t taken any time since we lost Wizzy.”

“I know…” she sighed. “I just couldn’t manage to do it… there was always something that needed to be taken care of yesterday and honestly I think I needed to be that busy. It kept me from thinking about him so much…”

“And this new guy?”

“Not new exactly… we grew up together, at least mostly and I was… am still… madly in love with him.”

“Ooooh. That must have been so hard for you.” The sympathy in Stacey’s voice was genuine.

“Its most of the reason I left home actually. I couldn’t bear it and of course there was the parent’s attitude about people like me and… it was just better for me to go or so I thought at the time. He’s the last person I expected to run into though…”

“You don’t half make a flashy entrance either. What possessed you to get involved?”

“It wasn’t a decision really. I could tell they were gonna lose that guy with no air support so I made sure that didn’t happen is all. I expected to just follow him till they managed a roadblock or something but the idiot blew his engine and then managed to wreck himself and I couldn’t leave him in that car…” She frowned “Probably not the brightest thing to do but you know how it goes. He helped me drag the guy to a safe distance and…”

“And then whatever logic was left went out the window huh? You’ve really got it bad girl!”

“Speaking of… how’s it going with Javier? He seemed almost ready to run away when he found out what you really do for a living.”

Stacey pursed her lips and looked up at her companion. “He’s settling down a little… I guess it’s a pretty big switch from thinking the woman you want to marry is a glorified Personal Assistant. I think it actually turns him on a bit. He’s started calling me super spy in bed…” she giggled. “Not that I mind you understand!”

“I’m glad. You both deserve to be happy.”

“You do too you know. I trust you’re going to stay with him instead of using your hotel?” At a nod from Catherine she continued “Then can I use your room instead? My airBnB is nice but its nothing like that place.”

Catherine shot the shorter woman a glance. “Javier came along, did he? Yeah feel free, its on account anyway and I’d rather you use it than it sit empty. You two should spend some time walking around downtown, hit the tourist traps, that sort of thing. We have a few days before everything comes together and you really should experience the city.”

“Thanks mom…” Stacey giggled at the halfhearted swat that followed.

“Why I oughta…!” They both burst out in laughter. “Go, tend to your young man. Some of us have things to do!”

“Hmmm, well I wouldn’t call tall dark and studly a thing… but have fun!” The two had reached their cars and gave each other a brief hug before separating. “You have to help me buy my next car. I spent waay too much money on this stupid thing and its not even a patch on yours.”

“Whenever you’re ready I’ll find you something nice. Keep that big ol SUV though, you’re going to want it someday and it should last quite some while. Besides, do you really want to go over 135 with kids in the car?” She was seated by now, letting the engine warm up just as bit as they chatted between cars.

“Of course not but… wait, kids? I guess I hadn’t really thought about that as a real thing…” Stacey mused. “I do want it you understand, just….. I don’t want to have to give up doing this, you know?”

“Who said you had to? We have a great family leave program after all. Take as long as you need and when you want to come back you’ll be welcome. You’ll have to sort childcare out with Javier but that’s nothing any military spouse hasn’t dealt with forever, right? I’d want a family if it were possible so how could I possible want to deny you the same?” she paused and grinned across the gap. “Besides, if I’m your mom that means I get to come spoil my grandchildren!”

Laughing, she dropped into gear and led the way toward the gates.

“You look awesome!” the sisters chorused at each other after their initial heartfelt hug.

“Seriously, you do! I see all that stomping through the ‘glades is doing you well huh?” Catherine examined her sister critically, noting the medium tan and the sun bleached hair and most striking, the loss of 30 pounds.

“I wish… I have to do the gym thing mostly. I’m either stuck in a classroom or a meeting or something other than getting to do field work. Price of getting to do the research or so it seems.” Lori grumbled.

“Eh, work has its downsides for sure. I was lucky to get a break myself.”

“I know you better than that sis. You’ve got some kind of job lined up and you’re expensing the whole trip!”

“Me? I can’t imagine why you’d think such a thing of your dear sister. Why the gall!” Catherine couldn’t hold it anymore and burst out laughing at the exaggerated look of offense her sister pulled.

It took a moment for them to get it together and stop making faces and laughing at each other and Catherine reflected on how good it felt to joke around like they had as children. “I didn’t plan it that way anyhow, it just happened. I’ve got till a couple days after the service before I have to do any work so it won’t get it the way and yes the trip is expensed… although I’m not using my hotel room.”

At an arched eyebrow she continued “Remember Bobby? We kinda ran into each other and I’m staying with him.”

“About time. I know you’ve been in town more than a few times and you never looked him up before?”

“I figured let sleeping dogs lie, ya know? I thought I’d managed to put him out of my mind finally and, well, you know. I couldn’t imagine that he’d be attracted to me, much less feel the same way I do…” Catherine trailed off.

“That boy has been in love with you since you were both 5 and you with him. It’s a shame his dad messed him up with all that macho bullshit and made Bobby try so hard to be a neanderthal like him. Anyway, you’re staying with him and that grin you can’t manage to wipe off your face says you two did the nasty, yeah? So dish!” Lori demanded.

“Um… you pretty much said it. We kinda picked up from 20 years ago but with everything on the table and it was just like we fit so well together…”Catherine mocked slapped her sister on the arm at the smirk that drew. “Not like that! Well, ok like that but I meant like emotionally. Its like we’d both been waiting for the other and doing our best to have a life while waiting and suddenly that was all past and there we were and he was so perfect…”

“Aww that’s sweet. I’m really glad for both of you. How exactly do you run into a state trooper at random anyway? Get a ticket or something?” The inquisitive single eyebrow was raised again.

“Oh no, nothing like that. You see I was just driving like normal and…”

*******

“Why am I not surprised my sister the secret squirrel drives a supercar? Pretty hot looking for a sedan too. Anyway… you ready for this cause I’m not. I never have figured out what she has against me…”

Catherine sighed. “I’ll never figure it out. You’d think I’d be the outcast but nope, they talk to the trans atheist and not to the cis daughter that bore them a grandchild and all because of religion. I wonder how hard she’d flip her lid if she discovered you’re a Wiccan?”

“I dunno, she’d probly try to guilt us into apologizing for being alive. Anyway, I’m not going to let it bother me. I’m not here for her, I’m here to pay my respects to dad… getting to watch how that whole congregation reacts to us both showing up… that should be pretty rich.”

“I couldn’t decide what to feel about it myself. I finally decided to just go with the flow and we’ll see what happens. Bobby’s coming in uniform and we’re wearing Dad’s pins so at least someone there will honor his service. If they don’t like that then to hell with em!”

“You said it! Now come on, we’re supposed to be there at 4.” Lori closed the door of her own rental car and backed the rumbling mustang out with Catherine following suit. They made their way through narrow streets and soon found themselves crossing an expansive cable stay bridge into the sprawl that had been a bucolic beach town a mere 20 years before. A few minutes later Lori pulled up into the driveway of a tidy brick cottage behind a dusty Subaru while Catherine’s lower slung vehicle was parked on the street.

The sisters joined hands in the driveway, each offering the other comfort and support and taking the same in equal measure. A brief moment passed between them before Catherine led the way though the arched trellis of the front gate, up the curving sidewalk to a front porch just large enough for two rockers and a small round table between. The door stood open but she stopped and pushed the doorbell anyway, listening for a response.

“Door’s open! Come on in and I’ll be with you in a minute!” They did, to find their mother wiping her hands on a dish towel in the kitchen. For a moment they all stood there until she finished and she walked over to hug them both tightly. After a brief glance at each other and an eyebrow shrug they returned the embrace and for a long moment the three held each other. She disengaged and then took her older daughter into an even tighter individual embrace first before turning her attention and her hug to Catherine.

“Mom” They’d separated and she was beginning to bustle around the kitchen again. “How are you? Want me to help?” Catherine moved toward the canning grip.

“I’ll be better in a few minutes. I have to finish these last few jars and then I’ll be done with the Purple Knuckles. Get yourselves some tea if you want and pour some in my glass while you’re at it.” She pulled a jar out of the boiling water and sat it on a thick towel to cool, the top already in place. “I’ll have to finish the greenbeans and pickled okra sometime tonight if you’re in a rush.”

The sisters shared a look of exasperation as Catherine got tea for them all, adding a few cubes of ice to the half glass of warm tea already on the table and pouring it full.

“No rush mom. We’re here for you and for dad.” Lori said a little flatly. “We meant how are you doing emotionally?”

“I’m fine. I have lots of friends in the congregation and I have things to keep me busy.” She continued pulling jars out, finally setting the grip down and flexing her hand. “Mind helping me fill these?” She gestured to a row of empty mason jars and a large pot of green beans that had been blanched and shocked in icewater to stop them cooking further.

“Here, let me…” Catherine put her tea down and rose hurriedly to head off an old argument. With her filling the jars with beans and her mother pouring the canning broth they made quick work of the beans and started on the okra as soon as the pot was filled with jars, the boiling water an inch or two below their rims.

That was soon finished as well with each jar being filled with pickling liquid. Lori had come over and washed each pot as they finished, wiping them dry with a towel before putting them in their familiar locations. Catherine snuck glances at the women on either side of her satisfied that a microaggression had been foiled for now.

“You want to do something when we’re finished?” she said it to the air in front of her, leaving it there for either to pick up.

“Well I have Bible Study in an hour or so, you can come if you want?”

“I think we’d rather skip that if you don’t mind. That’s only 2 hours, how about after?” Catherine was now trying to avert blowback from the overt macroaggression clearly aimed at them both.

“Well I was going to dinner with Phyllis and Mickey, then over to their place for a while. Surely you both have plans?” She looked up at two carefully pleasant expressions.

“I didn’t actually have anything planned, Mom. We came here to be with you. Surely you could skip bible study for one night?” Lori was being careful not to let her irritation show in her voice but Catherine could hear the ever so slightly clipped tone she couldn’t quite hide. It was an ingrained habit for them both to retreat into a more reserved and proper mode of speaking when being careful to keep self control.

“Oh I couldn’t do that… I’m sure you girls can occupy yourselves tonight and we’ll see each other tomorrow.” She was again pulling jars out to cool and refilling the pot.

“Sure mom, we’ll find something to do.” Catherine nudged her sister gently.

“Yeah we’ll be fine mom. Enjoy your bible study and tell Mickey and Phyllis we said hi, ok?” Lori turned to her sister, drying her hands. “Want to catch a movie?”

“Sure!” Catherine quickly dried her own hands. Retreat it was then, and well advised in her opinion. “Got a show in mind?”

“I thought maybe Necromancer? Its up to you, we can see whatever…” Lori’s eyes were flashing.

“I’ve wanted to see that!” Catherine was entirely willing to back her sister’s parting riposte. Pulling times up on her phone she continued “OK, if we leave now we’ll just have time to get snacks and get seated. You good mom?”

“I’ll be just fine, I have to finish this and then get ready. Enjoy your movie!” She put the grip down and gave them both a hug that seemed at odds with her words before turning back to the stove. “If Dodger’s inside close the door so I don’t have to chase him down, will you?”

They made their escape as quickly as possible, their progress followed by the eyes of a rather portly tabby cat of some advanced years who seemed the antithesis of his name and reputation. His only motion was the barest twitch of a tail-tip but they both knew he’d run for outside on a whim so the door was pulled closed as instructed.

“Can you believe her?” Lori hissed as they made their way down the sidewalk.

“Well she is our mother so… yeah, pretty much. You just gotta overlook her petty bullshit sis. Its not worth rising to the bait. Look, lets talk about this somewhere else, we have to look like we’re hurrying off for a movie. Pitt Street Bridge work for you?”

“Yeah that sounds nice. Meet you there!” They’d separated and Lori was in her car already. She pulled out first, carefully given the gradient of curb and driveway that had prevented her sister from even trying to park there. They made their sedate way through quiet leaf shaded streets to the old ruined bridge they’d played on as children. Both noted the newly paved approach as well as the enlarged parking area.

“Wow, they’ve really done a lot of work on this place. Remember when it was just the piers and what was left of the roadbed?” They were off the asphalt and onto a boardwalk. Smaller walks led down along the length of the piers where the roadbed was long gone except in the middle, a few steps down to small decks good for fishing or crabbing in the shallow tidal water. The wood had been there long enough to take on a weathered silvery grey and provide a pretense of benign neglect.

“I remember both of us climbing way out onto the last pier to crab and getting in trouble for it. Can’t say I blame them for that one really, it was kinda horribly unsafe…” Catherine laughed. “Worth it though!”

“That was so much fun… that and playing in the tunnels at Fort Moultrie… shame they closed em up but it was pretty dangerous… Was there anything we did as kids that wouldn’t be thought of that way these days?” Lori mused

“Um… Nope, can’t think of anything offhand…” They both chuckled. “But we managed to survive to adulthood somehow. I wonder if mom caught the Necromancer reference? I didn’t see so much as a twitch but with her who’d know? Nicely done though, I was beginning to get a little irritated and you were about to go off on her.”

“Why does she always have to be like that? I mean she knows we’re coming over this afternoon and yet she deliberately plans to have her time filled with everything else. Its just so infuriating! I shouldn’t let her get to me….” Anger ebbed quickly into disappointment as Lori leaned back against the railing.

“We always have handled them differently, I was just better at keeping my mouth shut. We’ll just have to deal with her for a few days. Just remember… the difference between when we were kids and now is that she has none of the power in the relationship. That likely gets right up her nose!”

“I certainly hope so! Anyway… Feel like doing anything?” Lori had turned and was looking out over the water toward the bridge they’d crossed earlier.

“If there’s something you want to do, sure. I’m fine with just hanging out.” Catherine thought for a moment. “There’s a great little coffee shop just off King, we can sit in there and chat, maybe join in on the singing or drumming or whatever it is today.”

“Maybe in a bit, I want to just enjoy being here for a while. You don’t realize how much a place is home to you until you come back after a long absence, ya know?” She lapsed into silence and the sisters gazed out over the harbor, each lost in their own memories.

********

“So how was your mom?” She’d been back at Bobby’s house for only a few minutes before he pulled up and she met him at the door to be greeted with an embrace followed by a kiss that lit her toes on fire.

“Huh?” Was all she could manage for a moment. “She was herself. Hyper religious, oblivious to any sort of attempt at emotional connection or caring and too busy with make-work to bother paying attention to her kids.”

“Wow… don’t hold back now, tell me what you really think!” he gently chided her.

Catherine blushed. “Sorry, its just… she bugs me and I have to try to keep the peace and… anyway, I shouldn’t load that on you. You put me off my stride with that hello!”

“I’ve finally found a truth serum! Bwahahahaha!” His mad scientist laugh had her giggling. “Seriously, its ok. I remember how things were when we were kids, I just wish it’d gotten better for you and I want to share this stuff with you, all of it. I have my own ration of shit too you know?”

“I do… it just that I usually try to keep them… her… in the past where they belong and I can’t do that right now cause the shit is all front and center. I can even manage to deal with her one on one pretty well but add Lori to the mix and things escalate over the tiniest little comment. I’d rather not think about any of that right now though. How was your day?”

“I spent about half of it in the office finishing up paperwork from yesterday, then gave out a ticket or two, helped the odd stranded motorist and spent all of it daydreaming about you.” He stole another quick kiss as he removed his utility belt and holster, storing them in a small gun safe inside an entry closet.

“Aww that’s sweet. I thought about you a lot too you know. You hungry?”

“I could eat but I don’t feel like cooking. Anything in particular you want?” Bobby was busy peeling off his undershirt and spoke through the fabric as Catherine watched appreciatively.

“I could go for a bit of seafood, maybe the Crab Shack? I think I want to have a drink or few though so either you’re driving or we take a car.” She stroked a fingernail down his stomach and the undershirt soon joined his uniform shirt, draped over the back of a chair.

“I need a shower first” he said as they broke from a kiss. “I’ll be fast!”

“Sure!” she smiled up at him. “I could use a shower myself!”

******

“Just let me know when to request the car” he tossed over his shoulder an hour and a half later as she put the final touches on her makeup. He retreated downstairs to wait in the afterglow of their shower activities and Catherine smiled to herself, thinking how different his approach was to her former husband’s constant joking about how she took so long to get ready.

It only took a few more minutes before she pronounced herself ready if still a bit too angular but happy that makeup did a great deal to soften her face. She came downstairs to see Bobby engrossed in a news program. When she came into the room he turned to take her in and simply stood there for a moment.

“I’ll never get over how women can go from looking like a hard as nails businesswoman to looking soft and casual and just so beautiful and free with just a change in hairstyle and clothes.” They shared a quick kiss.

“You look pretty hot yourself you know, and you seem pretty comfortable.” He was dressed in jeans just loose enough not to be tight and a kelly green polo shirt that had to work to accommodate his frame but had no trouble at all enhancing his eyes. “Car’s on the way?”

He checked his phone. “8 minutes. I guessed based on how long it used to take Leigh Anne from about the same point. Shoulda known you’d be a bit faster than that.”

“Yeah? Why’s that? She bristled a little but managed to keep it out of her voice.

“Oh gods I didn’t mean it like that! I just… When we were doing the paperwork I had to deal with your part in the whole thing and I ran into the sort of access issues I only see when dealing with Operators. Remember I told you about Martinez? She went on into Intel and the things I saw trying to look her up some years later are similar although honestly yours seem to be… I dunno, more hardcore I guess. Anyway I know the kinds of training they do for that sort of work and I figured being super fast and skilled with makeup might be a part of it so you’d be faster than the average woman at it…” He trailed off at her grin.

“I’m sorry I thought the wrong thing Bobby. Its just that… I’ve had to deal with a lot of shit just to be myself and do what I do and its hard not to be ready to slap down some jackass making snide comments. I’ll try to be better about that.” She kissed him lightly. “I’m sure you know I can’t really talk about what I do but… there are certain allowances to be made for properly vetted family and Significant Others.”

“I’m sure I don’t want to know too much, I suspect it would only make me worry about you… more, I mean. You’ve always been the daring one out of all of us and it doesn’t surprise me at all that you’d be doing that sort of thing. I won’t ask questions unless I really want to know the answers, ok?”

“That’ll work for now. I can give you a lot more answers than most can because you still have active clearances so feel free to ask. If I can’t tell you something I’ll say so but if I can I will answer as fully as possible.” The sound of a horn from outside coincided with a trill from his phone announcing the arrival of their car. “We’ll talk more about this later if you want.”

They soon settled into a spacious sedan and were off down the driveway, Catherine noting with amusement that their driver was a member of her team. “I’m looking forward to the crab. I’ve had it all sorts of ways in all sorts of places but there’s nothing like the taste of local fresh caught with just some drawn butter.”

“I feel the same way. Even better if you catch it yourself but somehow I just never seem to find the time, you know? Here I am not 2 miles from a tidal creek and all I’d need is some string and a rotten chicken neck, just like when we were kids. I miss going out crabbing and shrimping with you when we’d just be out the whole day, totally free and enjoying each other’s company…” He looked out the window for a moment in silence.

“The more I think about it the more I realize I’ve been in love with you since we were kids and I was just too stupid to see it.” He turned to face her and took her hand into his own. “Can you ever forgive me for that?”

She captured his hand in both of her own and raised his knuckle to her lips, brushing it lightly. “There’s nothing to forgive. We both had things to overcome before we could find our way back to each other. Along the way we lived and learned and maybe even grew a little toward being the people we wanted to be. No shame, no wrong done, just lives lived as best we could.”

They sat half facing each other, holding hands until the car drew up in front of the nautically themed restaurant. Catherine smiled up at her date as he arrived on her side far too late to open her door but just in time to offer a hand which she took.

The hostess took them back to a table almost immediately and she noticed the table was one that allowed them to have their backs to a wall and was near the emergency exit. “I see they know you here…” she murmered.

“What makes you say that?” he replied in kind.

“They put you in the most defensible position in the house, that’s what. That and I’m pretty sure I see Monique headed this way. Wow, she looks really great!” He held her seat, then slid it in as she sat before taking his own seat.

“Hey Bobby, good to see you. Who’s your lady friend?” The woman standing before them was a far cry from the chubby acne ridden girl with no confidence that Catherine remembered. Her long hair was caught up in an intricate arrangement of tight braids before it spilled down her back and she carried herself with an assurance that spoke of comfort in her own power.

“Monique, so good to see to you as well, sorry I haven’t been in for a while. Allow me to introduce Catherine who has graced me with her presence this evening.” Her eyes wandered from his face over to hers with a puzzled look of half recognition and Catherine decided to get it over with.

“Hey Neecy” she gave a little finger wave. “Its been a few years. You look good, girl!” She watched with amusement as her old friend examined her face for a moment before recognition finally dawned and she almost squeaked with excitement before stopping herself and looking around.

“You and I have got to talk later girl! Here’s my card, call or text or whatever when you get a chance and by that I mean tomorrow!” She shook her head as if to clear it. “Bobby I know you want the crab, you too Catherine?” They both nodded before she continued. “Bobby you want the house brew?”

“Make it a pitcher Neecy, we’re gonna make pigs of ourselves and get a little tipsy before I take this lovely man home and… well I’m sure you can guess…” Catherine laughed at her date’s flush.

“Nuff said but I’m serious, I want to have a chat soon!” She turned away and hustled off to the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think…” Bobby started but she held up her hand to stop him.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. If I’m going to be around town then I’m going to run into people I knew… we knew… from back then and I’m okay with that. You heard Mindy yesterday, everyone knew anyway, even when I tried to hide it and you couldn’t handle it. I’m glad to finally stand up and say ‘You were right, I am a girl and I’m in love with Bobby!’ to them. I’m proud of who I am and everything I had to overcome to be that girl.”

Two thick frosted mugs arrived along with a frosty pitcher so expertly drawn there was no visible head and he took a moment to slowly fill both mugs to the same standard. They both took a sip and sighed. “You know her daddy made really great beer but her daughter? She’s in a class by herself. Straight out of high school she went to an apprenticeship program in Czechia and was named BrewMistress just 2 years later. Totally bypassed Journeyman status and won the highest award given, then came back here and took over the brewery Cletus started a year ago. She’s working on expanding now and you’ll find Copahee Lager in a fair number of local bars and restaurants. Last I heard she was working on a regional marketing and distribution plan so she’ll probably be on store shelves in at least 3 states by the end of this year.”

“Wait, Neecy has a daughter?” Catherine paused” Well, It has been 20 years but… wow!”

“Yeah she married Derrik in Senior year and had Collette 2 months after graduation so no prizes for guessing about how that went down. They both went off to college while Cletus raised her mostly until they both graduated. She went into finance, he became a bioengineer and still Cletus mostly raised their daughter so its no surprise she learned brewing at his knee. When she went off to Czechia Neecy had a bit of a rethink about what was important, cashed out of her finance job and bought this place. They both seem a lot happier now so I guess it was the right move.”

Catherine nodded. “I can totally see that. You grow up poor like we all did and you get a bit driven to never be in that place again. I can identify with it to a large degree… its just that for myself I never had any desire to do those things. I wanted to follow in the footsteps of my ancestors, to serve my country even though they wouldn’t have me in the military. The rest? Just stuff even if it is easy to get attached to some of it.”

“I get that, I’m a lot the same. I’d never have bought a house like that but Leigh Anne wanted it and I couldn’t say no.” He took a sip of his beer. “It became home though and I’m kind of attached to it.” He stood up and dug in his pocket for a moment before getting down on one knee in front of her.

“Catherine, I meant what I said. I want to make sure you never lose that tan line and I’d love to share the place I’ve come to regard as home with you, as our home. I should have asked you this all those years ago but…” he paused for a moment and held up an open box with a ring in it. “Catherine Bridget MacConnell, will you marry me?”

Catherine sat for a moment in shock. He’d as much as told her his intentions the night before and a part of her wanted nothing more than to accept while the old fears tried to drag her away. While her mind was in shock her mouth seemed to have no such handicap.

“Yes, Bobby, I will marry you.” Catherine found herself saying softly into the sudden silence of an expectant dining room. She was almost frozen as he slid the ring onto her finger and stood, pulling her out of her seat and into a hug and a deeply loving, passionate kiss. As they separated the room erupted into applause and congratulatory shouts.

Catherine smirked then pulled Bobby down to whisper in his ear and they shared a grin before turning to face the room. He bowed at the waist while she curtsied and the applause came again. “Thank you folks. I’m sure you understand I had no real idea this was coming” she waved away the Bronx cheer offered by Monique “although as you can see I’m not exactly unhappy about the way it worked out. Now we’re going to sit here and make pigs of ourselves so yawl might not want to watch that part. Thanks again from both of us for your congratulations. You’ve been a wonderful audience!”

With that she dropped another curtsey while Bobby repeated his bow and they both took their seats, hands joining beneath the table. The handholding only lasted a few minutes as a basket with 4 large blue crabs in it appeared along with 2 plates, ramekins of drawn butter and a small mallet and cracker for each. They each tried to be civilized about eating but that soon fell by the wayside and they made their way through 3 more baskets before beginning to slow.

A fresh basket of crab landed on the table along with another pitcher of beer and they ate much more slowly this time, both finally forcing the last bit of succulent meat down with a swallow of beer. This time they both sat mallet and cracker on their plates to signal they were finished. Their plates vanished and they sat there for a long while, finishing off the second pitcher and just enjoying the contentment of repletion and each other’s company. When they both reached the last of their glasses he pulled out his phone and she nodded, getting up to go to the restroom before the car came for them and realizing she was a little tipsy as she walked.

Catherine did the necessary and took the ring off first, slipping it back on after she washed her hands. She studied it for a moment in the harsh lighting and just admired how it looked and even more how much it meant to her. When she came out Bobby was standing waiting for her and they went right out to their car. She noticed with amusement that both car and driver were different but it was still a member of her team behind the wheel and they sat in silence on the way back, happy to just hold each other’s hand across the seat.

They made their way inside and by mutual consent went straight up to the bedroom, both undressing and taking a moment in the bathroom. When Catherine came out after brushing her teeth and cleaning her face Bobby was lying on the bed asleep and she worked for a few moments to get the covers out from under him before sliding in beside him and turning off the light. She drifted off to sleep with a leg thrown partly over him and a hand on his chest, still marveling at the events of that evening.

********

Catherine came slowly awake, noticing how pleasant the hand cupping her breast felt and how his warm firmness was spooned behind her. A certain bit was quite firm indeed and she wriggled against it slightly, relishing the slight pulsing in response. Another pressure made itself known and was becoming more insistent so she slowly extricated herself from his embrace and slid out of the bed, making a quick dash for the bathroom. It only took a few moment for her to attend to business and brush her teeth before she made her way back to the bed and carefully slid back into his embrace, even resettling his hand on her breast.

She came awake again some drowsy time later, the hand having become active and just barely brushing her nipple with a playful thumb. The arousal that she’d thought would make sleep impossible came roaring back and she ground back into him, drawing a groan. Things progressed from there and it was quite some while before they made their way into the shower, even longer before they finally made their way downstairs, happily satisfied and fairly glowing.

“Don’t you have to get to work?” Catherine asked over her shoulder as she flipped the hamsteaks in one skillet while giving the grits a vigorous stir.

“Nope. I took the next 2 weeks off to be here for and with you and I’d like to do just that. I know you’re strong Catherine, stronger than I think I could be but I also know you loved your dad even with all that happened. I can’t imagine not being here with you, to support you and help you through it all if you’ll let me.” He walked around and hugged her lightly from behind while she focused on the food, trying not to cry.

A single tear traced down her check anyway, soon joined by a flood of others and she turned away from the stove after turning both burners off, glad to be held while she cried against his chest. “I didn’t expect it to feel like this…” she finally murmured into his warmth.

“I know what you mean” his voice rumbled pleasantly against her face. “I never did make up with my dad and I expected I wouldn’t feel anything because I hated him so much but… I was wrong. I can only imagine how you feel but if my own feelings then are any guide then you’re hanging on a very thin emotional thread. The best I can offer is support and love and I know that’s precious little but its all yours.”

“Its everything in the world Bobby. I love you so much…” she snuggled into his embrace, the tears finally drying up. After a few more minutes she disengaged enough to blow her nose and then kissed him soundly. “I have to finish breakfast.”

She turned both burners back on and waited a few moments for things to heat back up again. “Thank you Bobby. You made me think about it and though I don’t even know how to ask for it I need your support.”

“I couldn’t possibly do anything else. You’ve never been able to even realize you need help, much less ask for it and the notion that someone might give it if you asked… I don’t think that has ever so much as crossed your mind. I’ll never forget watching you square off against five guys half again your size from across the highway with not even a hint of fear or any idea that you wouldn’t come out on top. By the time we could get across traffic it was all over and there you were, bloody and battered but the only one standing. I wanted so much to help but you never even looked around for help, you just dealt with what was coming at you.”

“Catherine I was so scared for you and so proud of you and so in love with you… and we tried to help but you just walked away like it was nothing. Not being able to get through that impossibly thick shell of yours broke my heart and I didn’t know how to deal with that. I wasn’t as strong as you are, I’m still not...” He trailed off uncertainly.

“Oh that’s bullshit and we both know it. I have a pretty fair idea what you went through over there and you don’t survive that without being tested far beyond your limits.” The hamsteaks set aside on a plate, she poured coffee into the skillet and worked the spatula along the bottom, scraping the deposits left by the searing ham up to mix with the bubbling coffee. A hefty dollop of butter found its way into the grits and she stirred with one hand, scraping with the other. After a few moments she poured the resulting mixture into a gravy boat and set it aside, giving the skillet a quick rinse and waiting a moment for it to heat again before adding butter and cracking 2 of what she realized were duck eggs into the sizzle.

“You‘ve never been able to ask for help either Bobby. The difference is you realized you needed it and the fact that it wasn’t provided hurt you. I always wanted to find a way to protect you from that… Now we can be that for each other.” She’d plated the ham and grits while talking and left a little hollow in the grits with a spoon, satisfied they were thick enough to hold the shape. Eggs quickly joined the ensemble and she slid the plates onto the kitchen table, kissing him as she sat down.

Gravy was spooned into the prepared spot in the grits with a little spooned over the egg as well and they both dug in. “I love grits and redeye gravy… Thank you! I didn’t think I had any yellow grits in the house though…” He cocked an enquiring eyebrow.

“You didn’t. All you had was that awful instant crap! Now I ask you, what kind of self-respecting southern boy eats microwaveable instant grits?” She grinned at him, teasing. “Anyway, Lori and I were downtown and we dropped in to the little place that has the old handmill in the window… can’t recall the name. Decent grits are hard to find outside the Deep South so I picked up a couple of bags. I didn’t chuck the instant crap but I wanted to!”

“Oh feel free, that was Leigh Anne’s thing. Can’t stand the stuff myself, I’d rather eat paste. Come to think of it, it tastes a bit like grainy, lumpy paste…” he chuckled. “I hope you don’t eat breakfast like this every day, I’m gonna have to start working out more if so.”

“You’re probably going to want to schedule some workout time then. Feel like going for a run after we let breakfast settle a bit?”

“Trying to avoid dealing with your mom, huh? I’m totally on board with that but its unlike you to avoid that kind of thing. Worried about Lori?”

Catherine sighed, toying with her fork. “Yes and no? I’m almost tempted to let them have it out, you know? I’m tired of being the peacekeeper between them. I wish… I wish mom wasn’t so damned sanctimonious and Lori wasn’t so hotheaded but I might as well try to push the ocean. I can’t do anything but try to keep it from erupting into open hostility and apparently I’m pretty crap at that.”

She stood and took the dishes over to the sink. “Honestly right now I’m feeling pretty damned fragile and I don’t know if I have the energy or whatever to deal with it right now. I know I have to but the notion of just running away from it all for a few hours is pretty attractive.”

“Its up to you, love. I’ll back whatever you want to do.” He stood beside her at the sink and they made quick work of the dishes, a quick wipe down of surfaces as the dishwasher began its cycle.

“What I want to do is go for a run and then spend the day with you, just avoid the whole thing for a day. I’m not going to though. You sure you want to come?”

“Where you go I go. Yes I’m sure if you are, I just don’t want you to feel like I’m intruding.” They shared a quick kiss. “Any idea how I should dress?”

“Jeans and a polo should do it, I’m pretty sure mom doesn’t have anything planned anyway. Lets get dressed and I’ll call Lori so we can meet up before we go over there.”

Half an hour later Catherine joined Bobby downstairs in a light sundress and wedge heeled sandals. He stood and she eyed him appreciatively, receiving the same regard in turn. “Separate cars?”

“I’d rather ride with you.” They kissed and headed out to her car.

The drive over to Lori’s hotel took only a few minutes and they were soon knocking on the door of her room. Bobby stood with his arm loosely around her waist as the door opened and Lori’s face lit up in surprise.

“Why Bobby, I had no idea you’d be coming along today! You two come on in for a minute and have a seat.” They entered to discover a tidy suite rather than a typical hotel room, taking the love seat. Catherine carefully sat with her legs crossed, the appropriate hand displayed on her knee.

It took Lori a moment to notice and Catherine watched as her sister’s eyes swept over her hand, jerked back to it and widened with surprise. When she finally tore her gaze up to her sister’s face Catherine grinned widely and nodded toward Bobby.

“Congratulations you two! I’d say it’s a bit fast if it weren’t a couple of decades too slow…” she smiled at the couple. “Mom’s gonna shit a brick!”

The sisters laughed. “Right? I don’t care, honestly. Just because she didn’t know how to be happy doesn’t mean I have to be the same way. Besides, if nothing else it’ll deflect some of the incoming from you to me and I think I mentioned something about not giving a damn…” they both chuckled again.

“You never have, sis. I’m glad for you both, really. Its like the universe brought a tiny bit of balance, something good in the midst of all of this. Come here, both of you and give me a hug!” They rose and the three embraced. “Now, are we all ready to go deal with… her?”

“Is anyone ever ready for that? I expect we’ll survive the experience anyway. Onward, into the breach!” Catherine struck a dramatic pose and the others laughed.

******

“Remind me to never ever ride with you again!” Lori fanned herself dramatically. “Seriously sis, what the hell? Just because you can go that fast doesn’t mean you should!”

“Oh that wasn’t fast… I just needed to decompress a little and there weren’t any cops. Sorry if I gave you a little fright there…” Catherine smirked inwardly as her tactic to distract Lori from the impending parental meeting bore fruit.

“I’ve never gone that fast except in an airplane! What the hell is wrong with you! We topped 140!”

“Yeah I didn’t feel like flooring it, I just wanted to feel a bit of speed. Sorry if I worried you sis.” She was still doing 110 but she didn’t see the point in making an issue of it. “We’ll be there in 5 minutes. You ready for this?”

“Well I certainly have enough adrenaline flowing!” Catherine could tell her sister was feeling out of control.

“Remember, breathe. Go to your mantra and find your center.” As she coached her sister Catherine took her own advice, half her mind on driving and half on making sure she was centered. The familiar state of total calm with its attendant readiness for action at any instant took over and she piloted the car smoothly, silently. When she pulled up in front of the brick cottage it took a moment for her to come out of her driving trance.

“Ok, finding your center does absolutely jackshit when you’re riding with a madwoman!” Lori teased Catherine as they exited her car. “Seriously, who drifts through a traffic circle!?”

“Well the idiot thing wasn’t there last time I came down Rifle Range. I really hope those neighborhood planning jackasses had some kind of speed gun…” Catherine grinned broadly. “Seriously sis, you’ve ridden with me more than a few times. You know damned well I don’t take risks the way most people think of it. We were perfectly safe.”

“You and I need to talk about the definition of ‘Safe’!”

Through the archway, up to the door with Catherine in the lead again, the door closed this time. She rang and a moment later the door opened to admit them with the older woman stepping aside. They filed in, the sisters exchanging a hug with her before she looked up at Bobby.

“Bobby Manigault, is that you? You certainly grew up!” She hugged him as well and after a moment’s hesitation he returned the embrace.

“Its been quite a while Mrs. MacConnell, I’m sorry to learn of Mr. MacConnell’s passing. Please let me know if I may be of service.” Bobby was trying with some degree of success to hide his nervousness.

“Thank you Robert. You’ll be here with Catherine then and about time too. I see by that ring newly occupying her finger that you and she have reached an understanding?” She glanced back over at her daughter, then up into his face, searching.

“Yes ma’am, one we should have come to long ago. Catherine has agreed to marry me, to my and I hope her everlasting joy. I would be honored if you be in attendance on the day?” He couldn’t stop a slight twitch of his big toe but Catherine thought only she could see it.

“I wouldn’t dream of missing it young man! For reasons I’m sure you understand I had nothing to do with Lori’s marriage or Catherine’s first one and I’m not going to miss the opportunity this time! So tell me, what have you been doing with yourself for 20 years?”

******

“Who was that woman and what did she do with our mother?” Lori demanded from the back seat.

“Right? I’m pretty sure I’ve never met that woman before. She was, like, almost normal!” Catherine barked a short laugh. “Well normal for her anyway. Who knew she could have a conversation without dropping something religious into it?”

“I halfway expected to get chucked out of the house… I’m still not quite adjusted to the idea that she actually accepts… well, you, me, us…” Bobby was reluctant to say more.

“Ah well if its logic you’re after forget it. You know the day I left she actually renamed me? Sometimes I wonder how much of all that was her and how much was dad and social pressure… But then I always was closer to her than to dad. I gave up trying to figure them out a long time ago and anymore I can’t even be angry about it, or judge them as wrong…” Catherine ran a hand through her hair to move it out of her face.

“I think they both went through their own hells and this was them retreating from the world they saw as hurtful to them. In some ways I can understand that, I’ve even done it a time or two. I don’t expect mom to suddenly not be that long-suffering wounded woman but maybe she’s peeking out of her shell a little?”

“Well you coulda knocked me over with a feather. I’m with Bobby, I expected fireworks or a least a lot of put upon sighing. The way she said ‘Its about time!’ I wonder if she knew back then and maybe even approved a little?” Lori sounded doubtful.

“Apparently everyone who knew either of us was pretty clear about it so I’d be amazed if she hadn’t figured it out. I’m realizing that my attempts at hiding myself or my feelings were an utter failure…” She reached over and Bobby took her hand.

“Well speaking for myself I was a bit too thick to understand your feelings… or my own for that matter… but thinking back on it I can’t ever remember being able to see you as a boy even when we were little. Even with a buzz cut you just looked like a girl with really short hair to me and I’m pretty sure everyone else saw the same thing. Its probably why some of the bigots went after you, all confused about their own attractions…” Bobby trailed off, uncertain what else to say.

“Well I’m glad you went the other way and wanted to protect me instead Bobby. Just hanging out with you kept me out of a lot of that stuff and bonus! I got to hang out with you!” Catherine laughed. “Hey Lori, feel like a drink or two?”

“After today? I think I need more than a few! Bobby?”

“Oh I think I could use a belt or two myself. We can park at the hotel and take a car from there?”

“No need, let me make a quick call.” Catherine reached into the console and pulled out a wireless earpiece before dialing. “Stacey, I could use a driver. Yeah, likely more than a few. Cool, thanks. Dudley’s in 8 minutes? See you there.”

She restored the earpiece to its cradle. “Someone will pick the car up and take it back to your place so no worries. Either of you ever been to Dudley’s? Not surprised. It’s the oldest gay bar in town. Not fancy or anything but a bit of home to some in the local community and John makes a mean Margarita. I didn’t figure any of us were up to a noisy dance club.”

“I can’t imagine dealing with EDM or something right now so it sounds kinda nice and I won’t have to deal with guys hitting on me.” Lori complained only half in jest.

“No but Bobby sure will! Don’t be surprised if a few women hit on you, you are pretty smokin sis.”

Lori didn’t reply as Catherine had drawn to a stop outside a small bar and parked right in the street before getting out. They weren’t blocking traffic so the others followed suit and were surprised to see a perky blonde run up to Catherine and give her a hug.

“Oooh he looks even better up close! We have to talk when you have time!” she disengaged and spun to face the other two. “Bobby, Lori, I’m Stacey. Nice to meet you. Mr tall dark and studly you better treat the boss lady right, we love her and would be very unhappy if she were… unhappy I mean. Anyway, yawl have fun!” She spun, snatched the keys Catherine held out and was soon gone.

“Why do I get the feeling that little girl could have kicked my ass in my prime and not even broken a sweat?” Bobby asked the air.

“Well she works with your fiancée… that’s probably a pretty good clue. I’m a bit surprised to actually meet one of them though. I’ve seen what I assume is her security overwatch a time or two but they are very good… just didn’t have the advantage of being raised the way we were.”

“I think you’d be surprised at Stacey. I swear that girl can track across bare rock with not a sign I can find and you have to be really sharp to track her at all. Bobby, she wouldn’t even have noticed you trying to put up a fight. Now enough about that in public, lets get out of the street!”

They were barely inside before a man with a bushy graying beard and no hair at all on the top of his head swished out from behind the bar and hurried toward them.

“Cathy! So good to see you my dear! I assume this is your sister? And who is this?” He eyed Bobby appreciatively before hugging Catherine.

“This is my fiancée Bobby, my sister Lori.” She waited while he hugged Lori and shook Bobby’s hand. “We had a long day of dealing with mom and need one of your margaritas to help us recover!”

His smile disappeared. “I heard about your dad. I’m sorry for your loss, both of you” nodding to Lori. “You coping ok?”

“Thanks John. Yeah doing alright, just a little weirded out by mom behaving almost like a normal human being…”

“Hey wait… Bobby? Surely this isn’t The Bobby?” The older man’s eyes lit up at her nod. “Well I can certainly see why you spent so many afternoons crying in your root beer! You gave this young lady quite a time back then kid. Glad to see you finally came to your senses, our girl here is a true gem. Now let me see about those drinks…”

It took them a while to get to the bar as old friends greeted Catherine and made her companions welcome so their drinks were waiting on them as they arrived. As promised the drink was first rate and of course one led to several. A few hours later they made their way unsteadily outside and into an untidy pile in the back of an SUV driven by one of Catherine’s team, laughing uproariously until Lori parted ways, moving on once they made sure she was safely ensconced in her suite.

The rest of the ride was spent with quiet laughter between the two lovers although once they arrived home they only made it up to the bedroom and got undressed before falling into the bed together, still giggling occasionally at each other’s sweet nothings before falling asleep cuddled into each other.

QuickSilver 5

Catherine awoke in almost the same position as the previous night but arousal was nowhere near her mind as she made her way to the bathroom and held her head while on the toilet. After a very long hot shower she felt considerably better and made her way downstairs with a slight grimace of amusement at the sound of Bobby in the shower.

By the time he made it down she was sipping on coffee, having already set up the makings of breakfast. He leaned over for a kiss and when they broke mumbled “Mmmm, you taste like coffee…”

She snerked at him as he shuffled over to fill a mug and sat back down. “Give it a few and you’ll feel halfway human. Regretting those shots huh?”

“Not regretting exactly, no. Paying for a good time is more like it. How did neither of us know you were a local celebrity?” He sipped and rubbed the bridge of his nose between thumb and finger.

“I’d hardly call myself a celebrity but apparently a few people remember me…”

“The way I heard it you were a one-woman vigilante militia. I never knew there was a neo-Nazi skinhead bar down on George but you’re supposed to have caused it to go away…” He grinned at her. “I’d say they likely do remember you!”

“It wasn’t like that at all!” Catherine protested. ”I didn’t even really do anything except help a few people realize their own power and band together for protection. There was that one little tussle but I had almost nothing to do with that! It was a pride parade after all and I never expected them to go after the skinheads the way they did! I will admit to advising them to use substantial pieces of wood to hold their signs up but I was like 2 blocks back from the whole thing and only saw what happened later.”

“The way I remember that little riot being reported like 40 people wound up wounded, a few of them with broken bones and concussions so I’d say your little encouragement meant a lot more than you thought. I’m glad to know you had somewhere to go to feel accepted even if I was the cause of your need for it a fair amount of the time…” he stroked her hand lightly with a thumb.

“It was just that, you know? A place to feel accepted, welcomed even.” She kissed him lightly as she rose. “Now, a greasy carb heavy breakfast should set us both right. How many pancakes?”

“No idea, how big do you make em?” She showed him with her hands. “Maybe 3? Lets say 4 and I might leave a bit.”

Catherine turned the heat on under the griddle and put several sausages for each of them in a skillet before making the pancake batter. By the time she was finished the sausages were just beginning to sizzle and the griddle was almost ready so she sat for a moment to keep herself from trying to start too soon. Soon she was back up, rotating the sausages and quickly buttering the griddle before ladling batter onto it and in just a few more minutes she was back at the table bearing plates with a medium stack of large pancakes already buttered with maple syrup on them, a sunny side up duck egg sitting atop it and sausage links arrayed around the edge sitting in syrup.

“I hope you know I have no plans to do any running today…” Bobby mumbled around a bite of pancake.

“Hadn’t even considered it. Lori’s going to meet with some friends today, mom has her churchy stuff to do and I just want to hang out with you. Care for a little run down to St Helena? I need to see a lady about a horse.” She grinned slightly as she realized what she’d said.

“You know coming from anyone else I’d think that was a bit crude but from you? I’m pretty sure we actually will be going to see a lady about a horse and I’m intrigued. I’d think horses would be a lot easier to come by out in Montana…”

“You’ll find out when we get there. You gonna eat that sausage?” Her fork was poised.

“Where do you put all that food? I barely managed to finish the last one…” He watched as she speared it and didn’t even bother cutting, just rubbed the end in the remaining syrup on her plate and took a bite. “Nevermind, I think I’d rather not know. I’m guessing I should wear boots?”

“Boots you don’t mind getting a little nasty would be a good idea, along with a bag to put em in and some shoes or something. Actually just bring a whole change of clothing along in case you need it.” She was already munching on the last bite while she made plates and pans and even the griddle vanish into the dishwasher, started a cycle and wiped everything down in just over a minute.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody do that. If there was a wasted twitch anywhere in there I sure didn’t catch it. You’re a bit scary, you know that?” He reached down and kissed her on the nose, moving away before she had a chance to turn it into more.

“I had some pretty demanding teachers. When you get whacked for wasted motion you tend to get pretty hard core about eliminating it.” She followed him up the stairs.

“I didn’t know your dad did that…” Bobby tried to hide the tinge of anger in his voice.

“Oh he didn’t, he was much more straightforward about things. His idea of teaching was to beat the crap out of me until I learned how not to get hit and going on from there in an equally brutal way. That was a place to start but I sought teachers after that and learned so much more, about myself and how to survive… some of those teachers were… very strict. I likely wasn’t the best student either but I learned what I needed to, things they saw more clearly than even I did.” Catherine was packing a small bag with a change of clothing after donning jeans and a grey tank top.

“One day I’d love to hear about that… about everything that happened since you left. It sounds like you’ve had quite an eventful couple of decades. Duck boots or western?” he inquired.

“Western if they aren’t dress boots.” She tossed over her shoulder as she sat on the other side of the bed pulling on her own boots. She stood and turned, noticing his boots looked just as beat up and well cared for as her own. “Perfect. You’ll want to add a flannel shirt though. Should I expect a Stetson too?”

“Sorry, just a ballcap. Anything taller tends to part ways with me at the first doorway. You on the other hand… Sexy cowgirl! Hubba Hubba!” He managed to dislodge her hat and she let it tumble to the floor behind her, enjoying the kiss.

He spun her around and broke, leaning over to pick up her hat and bag, offering the first to her. “Thank you sir…” she purred at him and he gulped before starting back into motion and grabbing his own bag.

Catherine followed him down the stairs giggling to herself, glad she had such an effect on her fiancée and enjoying the view of his strongly muscled backside in snug jeans. They were quickly sat in her car and he was leaning over the backseat to inspect the hat-hanger she’d affixed to the back of each seat just below the headrests.

“Interesting place to put it.” He’d sat back and was fastening his belt.

“Couldn’t exactly put it on the cabin roof, not with the sunroof and out there I usually wear a hat so it had to go somewhere.” Catherine saw that he’d buckled in and dropped into gear. She drove at a reasonably sedate speed until pulling out of Dodge’s, the filling station with some of the best fried chicken in town. Traffic thinned out shortly thereafter and in just over 30 minutes they were creeping slowly down a rather rough set of sandy ruts purporting to be a driveway.

“Seriously, that traffic circle thing… I mean I can see how you did the one on Rifle Range, just like a curve in the road but you had to go 3 quarters of the way around that thing and you never dropped under 100! That is some kinda insane witch-driving or something…” he shook his head. “I’m not even sure if I want to ask you to teach me that one!”

“Its not that hard Bobby, really. Its all about application of thrust and simple physics. I swear this road wasn’t this bad last time I was here!” She carefully followed high grassy areas in the low slung car. Several horses were investigating their progress from the other side of the fence, accompanied by an assortment of goats.

They finally drove through a gate which swung open at their approach, rounded a huge pond and pulled up in front of a large rambling home sitting nearly 3 meters above the ground on heavy pilings. A slight figure limped down the broad front steps from where she’d been seated on the verandah as they exited the vehicle and Catherine skipped over to envelope her slightly taller friend in an enthusiastic hug.

“I’m so glad to see you’re alright! I worried about you, you know…” The two friends pulled apart to look at each other again.

“Me? I’m retired! You’re the one doing dangerous stuff…” the taller woman remonstrated. “So does that ring on your finger mean…?”

“It does!” She pulled her friend over to Bobby. “Meet my fiancée Bobby! Bobby, meet Ashleigh…” Catherine trailed off as she saw her friend’s expression of shock.

“Petty Officer.” The words weren’t quite military crisp, more friendly and concerned.

“EllTee. Little surprised?” A crooked grin pasted itself on Linda’s face.

“You’re kidding, right? You were a damned effective operator but butching it up convincingly was beyond you. I think your old teammates would be glad to know you’re alive… Although some of them might be a little pissed you made us all think otherwise.” He held his arms open. “Sorry about the rank thing, I’d just run into a dead friend…”

She accepted the offer, giving him a quick hug. “I get it… I wanted it that way and I guess I’m sorry for that but back then it seemed simplest. My leg was too messed up to ever rehab worth a damn and they offered me a way to be useful that meant I had to disappear for a while and afterward it seemed simpler to just stay dead, ya know?”

“You seem to have done ok for yourself. I’m not sure if I should ask how you know Catherine…” Bobby chuckled lightly, only half joking.

“Well come on up and have some tea and we’ll tell you the story…” They followed her up the steps, Catherine watching her closely.

“You know you’re doing really well. If I didn’t know you were wearing a prosthesis I’d just think you had a moderate limp.” Catherine accepted a glass of tea and sat in one of the high backed rocking chairs.

“Took em 4 times but I think they finally got it right. That and being a little obsessive about rehab. I still get the phantom limb thing sometimes but not much anymore. You get used to it I guess…” She shrugged and took a sip from her glass.

“I had no idea you lost your leg back there! I mean, I thought you were dead but… you know what I mean.” Bobby covered his embarrassment with his tea glass.

“Oh I didn’t! I’ve had 7 surgeries over the years trying to hold onto it but I guess fate or whatever had other ideas. That hurricane that didn’t really touch you guys gave us like 6 feet of water and being where I am you can imagine the water was pretty shitty… literally! Everything’s jacked up around here but somebody had to go feed the critters and I managed to fall out of the boat. Wound up getting infected and they had to take it 4 inches below the knee.” She pulled up the leg of her jeans and thumped a knuckle on carbon-fiber.

“Wow… irony much? That really sucks but I’m just happy you’re alive. “He turned to Catherine. “Did you know we served together?”

“Not the beginnings of a clue. She didn’t want to talk about her service and I was fine with that. We’ve never actually had any dealings in that context at all. I get this call from some people I, erm, do stuff with sometimes and they’re just like straight ‘We need a horse-thief’…” She shook her head “I mean yeah, dog rescue and such but horses?”

Ashleigh laughed. “Well it was a bigger job than most rescues but we figured out a way to get the job done and I’m glad we did. We not only rescued the horses but managed to gather enough evidence beforehand to make sure those… people” she spat the word “got their just desserts. We still lost one of the jennies… she was just too far gone. Your girl here reverses an 8 horse trailer for like half a mile at well over 50 miles an hour, then gets out and walks right up to two horses that wouldn’t let anyone near them. Mind you these are on the large side even for draft horses and one of them was like 19 hands. She talked to em for a minute and they both walked over and nuzzled her before getting in the trailer as calm as you please. I’ve seen her do it since and its still spooky…”

“Its nothing special, you just have to talk to them. Horses are way smarter than people think, most animals are. Anyway, I wound up coming back here after we got them to safety and we became friends. Finding out that two of the people who are close to me also share a connection? I think that’s pretty awesome actually. How’s Fritz doing?”

“I still say that’s a tragic name for such a beautiful horse. He’s doing just fine but you can tell he misses being able to perform. His foals are… well there’s one white one and if I had to guess he’ll be the spitting image of his sire in a year. I’m still amazed that they just gave him to you…”

“Yeah well a trained Lipizzaner with a broken leg generally gets put down but I thought it was fixable and they disagreed. To them he was just a giant vet bill with a lost investment at the end so they were pretty happy to sign him over. Turns out I was right and I’m glad for that but I’d have done it anyway. No creature deserves to be just thrown away like that.” Catherine consciously relaxed her fingers around the glass.

The three friends chatted for quite a long while on the broad verandah before making their way out into the farm and simply enjoying each other’s company as they walked around and tended to the animals, greeting each with a nibble or tidbit. Bobby and Catherine finally took their leave some while after dark with many hugs and promises to return.

******

The next morning dawned on a cloudless sky and the day was forecast to be warm. The couple shared a quick breakfast before returning upstairs to dress. Bobby was surprised when she affixed a golden Trident to her left breast.

“I thought you were using your dad’s?” he inquired gently.

“Change of plans. Ashleigh gave me hers and wants me to do the honor… I couldn’t possibly refuse her that.” Catherine adjusted the intricate updo she bore and checked her makeup with a critical eye. “That’ll have to do. You look really sharp in that uniform, you know.”

“Not even a candle next to your blazing sun.” She turned and he kissed her lightly. “You ready for this?”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for this kind of thing but… yeah, as much as possible I think. I’m just the tiniest bit nervous about the reception I’ll get…” she gestured at herself. “I’m just slightly different to the kid they knew from birth, you know?”

“Well whatever it is I’m here for you. If you want my opinion they’ll see a beautiful woman and stop right there. You didn’t even hide as well as Ashleigh so I rather doubt it’ll be a huge surprise.” He chuckled.

“We’ll find out. Lets go meet up with Lori.”

********

The large open space seemed smaller than she remembered as they made their way into the main room. Catherine’s fears proved mostly groundless as she was almost universally embraced and welcomed by the entire congregation. A single Elder and his wife were the only ones who seemed anything other than delighted to see her and she noticed they gave her sister and fiancée the same sour look. Nothing new from those two so she shrugged it off.

Unfortunately when the time came for the sermon she learned the sour faced man was to officiate and began to get a little irritated. The dreadful hymns sung so loudly and with such a supreme lack of tonal value had only made her wryly reflect on how glad she was to have absented herself. When the man had made his way through the first 2 minutes Catherine leaned over slightly and muttered to her sister.

“That jackass is just reading the fucking program!” She’d apparently been slightly louder than intended as her mother’s lips pursed. Lori pressed slightly down on her arm to calm her. “His service? How dare he compare himself to…”

“Just chill sis…” came the muttered reply. “They aren’t worth it.”

Shortly after it turned into fairly standard preaching and yet she seethed until the final prayer ended. When the Elder giving the prayer stepped off stage she found herself moving up and behind the podium. She stood there for a moment, watched the mic adjust to her height and settle before beginning.

“So I realize I’m not in the program and that’s fine because as you all know dad didn’t care much for programs anyway. It has been lovely to meet all of you again after so long although the occasion is a solemn one. “ Her clear contralto was projected to the rear of the room almost without need of the sound system. “I’d like to say a few things about the man we all knew and the life he lived and by that I mean all of it. My dad was no saint and there have been times in my life when I didn’t even think he was a good man, times when I wondered if even he thought that of himself.”

******

“I never ever expected you to get up there and pull a Speaking for the Dead!” Lori’s tone was amused.

“I’m sorry… Rhome got up there and just read the stupid program and then goes on about comparing his service to dad’s and… it just pissed me off… I shouldn’t have taken over like that. I just had to say something real.” Catherine turned to her mother.

“I’m sorry mom…”

“You have nothing to apologize for sweetie.” She gathered the sisters into a hug. “I’m glad you got up and said what needed to be said… I’ve read Card you know, and I approve of a Speaking. I remember being so angry at my stepmother’s funeral when everyone said wonderful things about her… This way is better. Bobby, thank you for being here to honor him, he would have appreciated it.” She gathered him into the hug too.

“Always a sad duty but one I’m proud to do Mrs. MacConnell.” They separated after another tight squeeze.

“I’ll have none of that from you young man! I won’t ask you to call me mom but I’ll settle for Kriss. I’ve known you almost as long as you’ve been alive and now you’re marrying my baby girl here you’re family.” She looked up into his eyes. “I’ve always considered you to be halfway my son anyway and now its all the way. I know I’ll never replace your mom and I wouldn’t think of trying but…”

Bobby stood there for a moment, unable to muster words. “Thanks ma—um Kriss. That’s gonna be hard to get used to. I think I’d prefer mom if you don’t mind?”

******

“Honestly I have no idea. Its almost like she’s a different person or something. I damn near did a spit take when she imitated Rhome’s expression!” Catherine laughed “then she comes out with ‘Ya know he’s been tryin to pray the gay away for 70 years and 4 kids… hasn’t worked yet…’ “.

It was late and they’d been rehashing the day for a few minutes in Lori’s hotel room having had a truly excellent meal and spending several hours at their mom’s just talking and greeting the occasional drop in bringing a dish of some sort or just well wishes.

“Well for as long as it lasts I’ll take it. It felt good being a family again… I wish it could have been sooner.” Lori was nursing yet another cocktail, slightly tipsy and just a laugh short of turning morose.

“Whatever she does or doesn’t do you’re my sister and nothing can change that.” Catherine had a ginger ale, having limited herself to a glass of wine with dinner.

“My sister too and I’d like it if you thought of me as a brother. Family by choice.” Bobby hadn’t been as judicious and was a little more than tipsy, carefully enunciating. He put his empty glass down and struggled for a moment to get out of the low chair.

“OK, lets get you home…” Catherine paused for a moment, liking the sound of that.

“Of course I think of you as my brother, Bobby. I think I always did anyway, really. Now you let my sister take you home and give you a good seeing too! Night sibs…” She pulled them both into a hug before hustling them out the door.

*****

“Everything indicates the materials are on site but there’s a lot more activity than we expected. I think they’ve moved their timetable up a bit.”

“I hate to say it but I have to agree with you.” Catherine swiveled to face Cristobal across the conference table. “Cristo, I assume you guys have already gamed out an accelerated timeline?”

“Its messy any way we do it. Best option seems to be a halo jump with squirrel suits so we can glide in, pop chutes at 500 and come down inside the compound. We should have at least a little element of surprise that way but after that it just gets super-hairy. As soon as they realize we’re there the main assault has to hit and hard but we have to secure the materials first.”

“So its doable then?” Catherine smiled across the table at him slowly.

“You do realize super hairy in Cristo-speak means barely survivable, maybe?” Rimmi’s tone was almost droll.

“That’s better than the chance the people in their target city stand if we don’t stop it. We still haven’t been able to narrow down a target.” Yusef rose and started pacing. “If we don’t catch this thing before they move it we might not get another chance. You all know what it took to get what little intel we have…”

“Look, we can sit and chew over why we have to do this forever but I think we all agree it isn’t really a choice. We don’t act, a city dies. I’ll take a hell of a lot thinner chance than Cristo’s ‘super hairy’ to stop that. I’d love to go tonight but no cloud cover and a full moon…” Catherine’s smile had vanished, replaced by look of determination.

“There should be heavy thunderstorms tomorrow settling down to dense cloud cover and heavy rain around midnight with little to no lightning after that. If the weather cooperates tomorrow after midnight is about the best opportunity we could ask for and we can stage and isolate the main assault troops 4 hours before go time.” Stacey grinned around the table. “We do it all right we can reduce ‘super hairy’ to merely ‘extremely hairy’!”

“I’ll take it! Now, what did they give us for backup?”

*****

Bobby greeted her with a meal already prepared and a massage afterward. He recognized the signs of runup to a mission, the tension coupled with a focus that was entirely elsewhere and did what he could to help her relax a little.

“That’s so nice…” Catherine half moaned as he dug into a particularly knotty muscle half underneath her shoulder blade.

“Usually this one has people at least whimpering.” he found a corresponding knot on the other side and rubbed in small circles with increasing pressure. “I really hope you don’t get off on pain because I can’t roll with that.”

“Hmph, most people haven’t had a massage from my mom – oooh right there… I swear the woman could crumple sheet steel with her bare hands but she can hit pressure points only a couple of others have been able to approach. People whimpering about this would be screaming in agony if she had at em for real.” She gasped as he dug in even harder on both sides. “Not quite but close and no, I’m not into pain even a little… its more about how you train yourself to perceive it. If you realize on a core level that it doesn’t translate to significant harm or injury instead of resisting it let it flow through you and out… use it as a tool. Still there but it has no power over you.”

“Pretty impressive trick.”

“I figured that one out dealing with dad and then with other kids… I could let em hit me if I figured it right and avoid actually getting hurt, or at least not much. There was training later of course but I had the basics as long as I can remember. Some knowledge isn’t worth the price…”

“I wish you hadn’t had to learn those things, at least not that way.” Bobby soothed the spot he’d been rubbing for a moment, then gently turned her over and gave her a kiss as she lay there. “I wish I could ask you not to…”

“I wish I could say I wouldn’t but both of us know better. I made my choices long ago and I can’t imagine just walking away, not being of service if I can… its part of who I am. I know you understand that.” She kissed him again. “I think we both need a little relaxation just now and we’ll take tomorrow as it comes.”

*****

...The cool green hills had gone the way of the Dodo. Now what was left was scrapping over the rest of the solar system, killing each other for the mineral bearing rocks of the Belt, fighting over ice for the volatiles needed to sustain life.

Rhysling's Rue
Chapter 1
By Theide
 

---

 
The cool green hills of earth. Oh how the irony of that phrase ran through her soul as she stood on the grey battle steel of her first command. There were no cool green hills any more. There was only the blasted ruin humanity had left of it’s cradle, the blighted wasteland humanity had once called home.

No, the cool green hills had gone the way of the Dodo. Now what was left was scrapping over the rest of the solar system, killing each other for the mineral bearing rocks of the Belt, fighting over ice for the volatiles needed to sustain life.

And perhaps the worst thing was that she was responsible for much of it. It had been her hand that had launched the last horrible assault on the Ozarks, had commanded the devastation that brought the last forces planetside to their knees. But there had been no choice. She told herself that again and again, and she wished fervently to believe it. Still, the lost souls of her husband and her child cried out to her from that blasted ruin.

Yet there was nothing to do but carry on, and that she did with every fiber of her being. There wasn’t really anything else to do, after all. She commanded 5,000 lives, was their mistress after god, their captain, and it was her responsibility to make sure they lived or at least gave their lives in some manner worthy of the sacred honor they had pledged themselves to as Fleet Marines. It wasn’t a job she wanted, it wasn’t even a job she had ever desired, but it was hers, and nothing could take that last little bit of solace from her.

It was all that was left. That and a small naval yard, orbiting the frigid rings of Uranus. And that was under attack by a ragtag batch of Belters. God only knew what they hoped to achieve, but those folks were hers, and be damned if she was going to let them go down on her watch! So it was maximum boost, hell bent for leather, every hand struggling under 3 gravities, and broken bones were the order of the day.

It was a weary crew that arrived after 5 months of hard gravity, broken in body, damn near broken in spirit. They were all vastly stronger in body, but their minds had taken a terrible beating, news of disaster after holocaust after genocide beating in upon minds already numbed by the horrific physical toll their environment had taken upon them.

There wasn’t really much to say when they finally arrived at Heaphestus Naval Yard to find a blasted, looted ruin, a few straggling survivors holding together the last of the environmental support systems deep in the bowels of the yard, protecting the few dependents who had been gathered there.

It was no hardship to take those few aboard, to shelter those last lost souls in the welcoming warmth of the last bit of civilization around. Some of the crew had to double up, but there were a bare 500 or so survivors and most of them were children. Lost bewildered children who spent their days wandering around with an odd determined look in their eyes and their nights fighting of dreams of horror. The thing that bothered her the most was that almost none of them ever cried.

She tried to befriend some of them, and knew that many of her crew had made the same effort, but these children were unlike any she had ever met. They all seemed to share a bond, that much she could tell, but none of them would open up to any of the adults, none of them would share with them just what horror haunted their cold flat gaze. That was the other thing they all shared, the cold, burn you to the soul and pin you to the deck gaze that she had seen in many veterans of close combat, the thing they called the thousand yard stare.

You could look into the eyes of these children and see what they had been through, but it gave no insight into who they were or how they felt. It was like they just looked through you , through the ship itself and into the depths of space, and nothing would ever interrupt that terrible regard. It was really a little creepy.
 

---

Someone was trying to escape the remains of the shipyard, someone her dedicated and very thorough crew had not found, maybe a pirate, maybe a survivor, but definitely someone who could build something space worthy out the wreckage, for all she saw was what looked like attitude jets, not the flare of boosters, just the puff of ice crystals from thrusters.

Rhysling's Rue
Chapter 2
By Theide
 

---

 
It had been almost 6 days since they had arrived at the remains of the naval yard, and Helen still could not get the haunted gaze of the children out of her mind. Her crew had been over the shattered remnant of the yard, looking for something, anything that was worth salvaging, that would give them some hope of being able to refit and survive. So far, nothing had been found. They were still stuck at the initial limit of five years for their extended cruise, and one year of that had already been expended.

They could exist almost indefinitely as a floating rock, atmosphere could be recycled and refreshed for almost 20 years, but there was only so much to be had in the way of fuel, and that was the limit. 4 years, and her ship became a rock. That wasn’t an option.

On the long bone crushing, agonizing trip out here, she had decided that no matter what, she would do her best to establish some kind of civilization out here, or she and her crew would die trying. Someone had to do something, and it seemed to her as though her ship was just possibly humanity’s last hope to build something worthwhile out of the ashes of this war.

She leaned back in her chair, studying the vista spread before her eyes, the ghostly rings of the gas giant they orbited bisecting the seen and unseen halves of the planet, partly lit by the now faint light of Sol, partly in permanent shadow, and took a thoughtful sip of her coffee. It was lonely out here, and the weight of a solar system was on her shoulders.

It wasn’t fair. Even Atlas had only had to bear the weight of Earth, and here she was with all of humanity riding on what she did or didn’t do in the coming years. She took just a moment to engage in self pity, to long for the simple days before all of this started, before Mars decided to declare independence and the Earth tried to assert it’s dominance, her happy days at the Academy, before the PWA and all of that insanity overwhelmed everything.

The moment of peace was interrupted by a brief spark of light. She wouldn’t have caught it if not for her steady gaze into the vasty black deep. Someone was trying to escape the remains of the shipyard, someone her dedicated and very thorough crew had not found, maybe a pirate, maybe a survivor, but definitely someone who could build something space worthy out the wreckage, for all she saw was what looked like attitude jets, not the flare of boosters, just the puff of ice crystals from thrusters. She watched in horror as what looked like a small section of the habitat area began to spin out of control, even though it looked like it was maintaining a steady vector toward the planet. To her practiced eye, something was wrong with this picture.

The thruster pulses seemed to time with the rotation of the habitat, producing what looked like a smooth trajectory, even though agonizingly slow. She bolted out of her chair and spun for the bridge, coffee forgotten.
 

---

He had cobbled together enough fuel cells to hold for almost a year, and careful rationing would give enough food and water for nine months. After that, he would starve, freeze, or suffocate. It didn’t really matter, any way he cut it, he was dead if he didn’t make some kind of movement.

Rhysling's Rue
Chapter 3
By Theide
 

---

 
Exhaustion and near starvation were obvious in the youngster’s face, in every line of his emaciated body. He clung desperately to his improvised command console, wedged into a corner of the little habitat fragment he had managed to outfit as a makeshift ship, hoping desperately that no one had noticed his departure. His thin frame shook as he recalled the horror of the assault, watching almost everyone he knew be butchered while he hid in the crawlspaces and ventilation systems, escaping into the next space and sealing emergency bulkheads behind him just in time to escape being killed by decompression.

It had been almost six months since the desperate message from his father had reached him, telling him to hide. There would have been more to the message, but it cut off suddenly as the entire yard rang like a bell with what he now knew were the opening volleys of the assault on the facility. After that, everything had deteriorated into a nightmarish confusion of weapons fire and mad scrambling to find a compartment that wasn’t venting atmosphere.

He had finally gotten trapped in a storage area, locked off on all sides by vacuum, unable to leave or make contact. The saving grace for him had been the very fact that it was a storage area. A careful search found enough resources to build a CO2 scrubber, oxygen to replenish what he breathed, and some food. Given those things, and the miraculous fact that power from the station was somehow still available, he had been able to eke out continued existence, bare and bleak though it was.

He had cobbled together enough fuel cells to hold for almost a year, and careful rationing would give enough food and water for nine months. After that, he would starve, freeze, or suffocate. It didn’t really matter, any way he cut it, he was dead if he didn’t make some kind of movement. After many careful calculations, he had decided to cut loose from the tattered remnants of the yard and head for one of the smaller retrograde moons. He would be able to land there, barely.

There were enough volatiles to be harvested for fuel and the mass of the moon was low enough to enable him to take off again and plot a course for Saturn, where hopefully he would be able to find a way to attract the attention of one of the ice miners and gain some measure of safety.

There was an emergency spacesuit in the compartment and he had been able to use that to attach makeshift thrusters to the outside of his compartment. Not much, and definitely not pretty, but enough to do the job, enough to get him where he wanted to go. Then that huge ship had shown up and the station’s framework shuddered to the tempo of spacesuited, booted feet. He knew they were searching through the wreckage, and the thought of being found by Earthers made his blood run icy in his veins. So he hid again, turned his power draw down to a trickle, and made ready to sneak away.

The moment had finally come. Traffic from the ship had dwindled to a few small craft at rare intervals and it seemed like it might just be possible to depart unobserved, so with a tremor of trepidation, he cut his last connection to the power feed and cast off.
 

---

 

It took just a bare instant for the pulse of coherent light to bridge the distance, neatly severing the link between the cobbled together ship and a thruster which went flying away, thrown by the forces it had helped to generate. Sarah bent intently over her readouts, feverishly calculating the results. Her face grew a little grim as she got a result she didn’t like, fingers blurring on controls as she sought a solution.

Rhysling's Rue
Chapter 4
By Theide
 

---

 
Sarah sat at her station, busily running calculations on the various belt fragments and moons that surrounded the gas giant. As her mind focused on the task, she couldn’t help drifting into a homesick reverie of her youth in the Appalachian mountains. Clear streams flowing over rocky falls soothed her jitters as her hands flew over control surfaces by instinct. Maybe, just maybe, some of her family had managed to survive the war, hidden back in the hills where there was nothing to bomb, nothing to defend, nothing but poor mountain folk who struggled to make a living.

Suddenly she became aware that something was not as it should be. She had carefully plotted the locations of all of the major debris resulting from the attack on the station, but something out there was not behaving the way it should be! Quick fingers punched up an assessment, and she realized that something out there was behaving like a ship, even though its sensor profile bore no resemblance to one.

Sarah was just lifting a hand to relay her report to Lt. Commander Solingen, the officer of the watch, when the captain came slamming out of her ready room. She hesitated for a bare moment as the captain flowed smoothly into her chair and fastened her shockframe around herself. “Sensors, do a sweep for anomalous motion in the debris field!”

“Captain, one anomalous report, what appears to be a small craft, er… What the fuck? One moment Captain, I have no ID on the craft and I’m not exactly sure what it’s trajectory is, the d… well, maam, the thing seems to be under some kind of control, but I show it steering directly for the planet!” The young ensign who was on duty at Sensors worked feverishly at her console for a moment before she spoke again.

“Maam, the best I can figure, it looks like this a fragment of the station outfitted with some low level thrusters. Trajectory as I initially saw it looked like it was headed for one of the smaller moons, but right now it looks like the thruster timings are out of sequence with the rotation, and it’s getting worse.”

“Maam, whoever is in there won’t survive the trip, it’s up to 4 gees in there now and getting worse! I read one life form and that one appears to be in serious trouble!”

Helen thought for a moment. Someone who had the engineering skills necessary to turn a derelict chunk of space station into a ship would be an asset she could not stand to lose. “Bay 1, Prep salvage unit for launch, priority alpha!” She settled back to wait, for there was nothing else she could do at the moment. Even at priority Alpha, it would take 5 minutes for the recovery craft to launch, and maybe another 15 minutes for the craft to come within range of the steadily accelerating station fragment.

“Ensign, feed recovery craft all data on the fragment! Do you have any data on why the rate of spin is so high?”

‘Data indicates that one or more thrusters have failed and the others are compensating, maam! The living person I’ve detected there is not moving and the readings suggest that he or she is out of it! On the plus side, I’ve got some better data on the trajectory, and it looks like it was originally a slingshot designed to intersect with one of the smaller moons!”

Helen thought furiously for a moment. It certainly didn’t look like a move one of the belters would make. It had to be something else. The big problem was how to kill the increase in the thing’s spin so that a recovery craft could latch onto it. She was banging the problem around in her head when she became aware that there was a hushed conversation going on between the sensor station and Fire Control. She was just about to open her mouth to find out what it was all about when Lieutenant JG Bosphors, who was manning Fire Control, spoke up.

“Maam, Sarah and I think, if I’m super careful, we can knock off one of the thrusters and stop the increase in the rate of spin. It’s gotta be done just right though, or I’ll hole the bulkheads. I’d like to try.” His usual mournful face had taken on somewhat of a hangdog look as he continued. “Maam, if I don’t try, the internal gees in that whatever it is are going to be up over fifteen by the time the recovery ship gets there, and I don’t see any way it’s gonna be able to catch it with that rate of spin, not that it’ll matter, whoever’s in there is gonna be dead before it can get there.”

It didn’t take very long for her to make a decision. “Do it.” Fingers flew over keypads and data flowed between stations as Bosphors set up his firing solution, pausing just a moment with his finger over the small illuminated square on his control board which would initiate the sequence. He looked over to the captain and she gave just the slightest nod.

It took just a bare instant for the pulse of coherent light to bridge the distance, neatly severing the link between the cobbled together ship and a thruster which went flying away, thrown by the forces it had helped to generate. Sarah bent intently over her readouts, feverishly calculating the results. Her face grew a little grim as she got a result she didn’t like, fingers blurring on controls as she sought a solution.

“Maam, we’ve got to try to knock the other thrusters off. Whoever is over there must have set up some kind of dynamic control system and now the thrusters are even further out of sequence. Its gotta be over 5 gees in there and going up fast!” She fed data over to Bosphor’s board as she spoke. He was just as busily setting up firing solutions. If not for the lack of music, you could be forgiven for thinking there was some sort of mad duel between keyboard artists going on. Another quick look over at the captains face, another nod of assent, and he almost caressed the key which would set his program in motion.

Quick lances of light did their work with eerie efficiency. One last thruster flew away and all that was left was a madly whirling piece of debris, still careening on its deadly course.

“Captain, recovery craft ready for launch. Launching now.”
Helen sat back and allowed herself a small glow of pride in her crew. Her bridge crew was phenomenal, but the rest of them were just as remarkable in their own way. Previous best record for prep and launch of a recovery craft had been just over 5 minutes and here they were launching in half of that.
 

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To Be Continued...

Just a moment later they were passing the backboard back out, a pale waiflike form strapped to it. “Don’t wait for us to get out, get that kid to sickbay ASAP!” The medic was less than halfway back through the hole when the gurney the backboard had been placed on vanished through the hatch. Jeff would have loved to follow it, but he had to take care of his ship first, and that was that.

Rhysling's Rue
Chapter 5
By Theide
 

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Stacy was sure he was going to die. It didn’t seem like a bad thing at that moment, more like a welcome relief. He had tried so hard to get to his rigged up control station after the spin of his small makeshift craft had thrown him away from it, but it was too much. The sickening feeling of dread that had overwhelmed him when he felt the brittle snap of bones on his impact with the bulkhead had almost made him vomit. Even breathing hurt.

It was so frustrating, because he knew what had gone wrong, he just couldn’t reach the control station to fix it. Another breath, drawn with effort and agony of broken ribs. “Just breathe” he thought to himself, “Just breathe and enjoy the air, cause soon one of the bulkheads is going to give way and there isn’t going to be any more air.”

He was just beginning to fade into a sort of grey reverie when a sickening lurch and a change of spin in the craft sent him sliding across the bulkhead in the direction of his control station, almost touching it. “One of the thrusters must have cut loose!” was his first exultant thought. He strained to reach up with his unbroken arm, to get to his controls, but his arm was so heavy he could just barely get it off the deck, and the hopelessness of his task seemed to sap even more energy from him. Even the simple effort of breathing was almost more than he could do, but he kept struggling to do that because it was the only thing left that he could do.

That grey dreamy state began to overtake him again, and as much as he fought it, it didn’t seem like there was anything he could do about it. Even the pain of bones grating against each other didn’t seem to matter anymore, and there was no true conscious thought in his mind as the mounting pressure crushed him flat.
 
 
“Recovery 1 to Hermes, we’ve reached the um, thing and are beginning to damp its motion” Jeff mentally kicked himself as he carefully manipulated the gravitic lasso, slowing the spin of what he could now tell was a piece of the station. *Way to impress the captain, dumbass! Just go out there and sound like a blithering idiot!*

“Hermes, we’ve got the spin stopped now, but there is no way to get whoever is in there out. I’m gonna have to bring it into the bay with us.”

“Understood, Recovery 1. Proceed.”

Jeff began the delicate job of nudging the station fragment back toward the open boat bay, being exquisitely careful to avoid sharp accelerations. Even so, he was in a hurry, knowing that whoever was inside had to be in pretty bad shape. By the time he maneuvered his own craft into it’s boat bay behind his charge, he was sweating and more than a little tense.

It was good to feel gravity return slowly to the decksole under his feet as he extracted himself from his ungainly looking craft, but there was only one thought in his mind. He hurried over to the lopsided, battered looking piece of debris, whistling in amazement as he got closer How the hell did that thing hold together?

Almost instantly it seemed like he was surrounded by deck crew. Ratings huddled in a gaggle around the thing, looking for a way in. There was an airtight door, but it seemed to be jammed, so out came the cutting torches. An intense few moments of activity yielded a large enough hole to get a light pipe inside.

Jeff was relegated to the outside of the beehive of activity, but he heard clearly enough. “Chief, that kids in pretty bad shape. We gotta get in there and fast.” The activity that had been intense now ramped up to something near frantic, with four cutting torches working on a single man sized hole. Shortly the section of bulkhead was almost free and a pry bar was inserted to ensure it fell outward when the final cut was made.

All activity but the hiss of one torch went silent. The clang of the metal as it fell onto the deck seemed like a signal, as thermal barrier foam was quickly applied to the still red hot metal edges of the hole, a medic waiting impatiently for the few seconds it took to set, then practically throwing himself through the opening. Another followed, then a backboard was passed in.

Jeff could hear the two muttering. Just a moment later they were passing the backboard back out, a pale waiflike form strapped to it. “Don’t wait for us to get out, get that kid to sickbay ASAP!” The medic was less than halfway back through the hole when the gurney the backboard had been placed on vanished through the hatch. Jeff would have loved to follow it, but he had to take care of his ship first, and that was that.

*I must be dead. I’ll be damned, the religious types were right, there is some kind of afterlife.* Stacy could hear voices around him, but he couldn’t seem to move or feel his body, or even see anything. Well not in terms of sensation anyway, but there was an immense feeling of relief at not being in pain. The voices didn’t make any sense, though.

“Well, what’s the dope, Bones?”

“Mostly neomorpha right now, Maam, but I’m easing the kid off of that as quickly as possible… oh. The kids gonna be ok, but I’ve got to say I’m a little puzzled by his, I mean her, or whatever…. I’m really puzzled by the kids physiology, maam. There was a punctured lung, some broken ribs, a broken leg, a broken arm and anoxia, but in the process, we found something else out.”

“Well, out with it doctor, what’s the deal?” That clear contralto took on a sharper edge than it had held before.

“Well maam, I think this is the most complete case of Bilateral Hermaphroditism I’ve ever seen. The kid has both sets of equipment, gonads, the whole thing. That’s not the unusual bit. Normally when this happens, the male end of things suffers, but in this case both sets of equipment seem to be functioning and developing perfectly normally. Other than the injuries we’ve treated, the only thing wrong with the kid is a bit of malnutrition.”

*Well, that answers that question. I’m not dead. Wait a minute, what was that he said?* Before he could pursue the line of thought any further, he found himself drifting back into unconsciousness.

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To be Continued...

There she was, drifting in front of him in microgravity, her burgeoning breasts teasing him, her hips undulating with the minor effort required to keep her in place, in the middle of the cabin. He felt an almost overwhelming lust for her, but knew somehow that to lunge for her and seek sexual completion was the very thing that would scare her away, so he held and watched her dance for him, a shy nymph, wanting him but frightened by the visible evidence of his manhood, standing proud, straight and twitching with desire before him.

Rhysling's Rue
Chapter 6
By Theide
 

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Jeff had finished downchecking his ship, signed off on the results without even thinking about it, and was on his way to sickbay to check on the kid he had rescued from almost certain death. It had been a little over three hours since the kid had been hauled from the makeshift craft, and the crew chief on deck watch was still marveling over the impromptu piece of technology the kid had thrown together.

On his way there, he heard voices, one of which he knew was the Captain, the other took a minute to penetrate his focused state of awareness. “Cap’n, that’s the damndest rig I ever saw. If it hadn’t been for that one damaged circuit board, it would have worked.”

“So you are telling me that that kid almost cobbled together a workable ship out of some door control panels and a storage compartment on a station?”

“Yep, that’s exactly what I’m sayin.” That raspy bass the chief engineer seemed to project resonated within the passageway. “I saw what Nav projected as the most likely destination, and the control programming confirmed it. Looks like he was headed for one of the smaller moons to replenish volatiles for fuel. The only reachable destination from there was the Saturn system. I’m guessing the kid was headed for neutral territory, hoping to find some kind of refuge with the ice miners. Damn smart of the little bastard, and he probably would have made it if not for that one fault in the circuitry. The fucked up thing is that that board failed QC for higher level control functions so it was bumped down to general maintenance and they used it for a bloody hatch controller. It was fine for that, but one of the higher level logic controllers was fucked beyond any hope of repair, and with the equipment the kid had, there was no way to know it.”

“Well Master Chief, thanks for the briefing, if I have any more questions, I’ll be sure to let you know. Good evening” Jeff could almost hear the normally slovenly Master Chief come to attention and salute his captain as she left him standing at the entry hatch to Sickbay.

He waited for a few moments, hidden in a maintenance alcove until he saw the captain stride past on her way back out. He admired her confidence, the way she seemed to just be beyond all question, perfectly in command of both herself and her ship, not to mention all who served aboard her. True, there was a brief surge of jealousy, but he had never thought himself to be suited for command on her level. In truth, he didn’t want that kind of responsibility. Perfection for him was the delicate ballet of his ship and himself in counterpoint to gravitation and whatever he had been sent to retrieve. The fact that he had to perform complex mathematics dealing with the relative motions of several different objects being influenced by varying gravitational fields never occurred to him, it was about as natural to him as breathing.

A few moments later, he found himself in the doctor’s office. “Doc, is she gonna live? Is she gonna be ok?”

The doctor looked at him steadily for a moment before replying. There was something in that gaze he couldn’t quite fathom, something between humor and sympathy, something he didn’t understand. “Well,” another pause fraught with meaning he didn’t get, “Yeah, EllTee, the patient is gonna be ok. It’s gonna be a few more hours still, you know Neomorpha takes a while to wear off, and I can’t really say when the patient will be ready for visitors.” He pulled a pipe out of a pouch around his waist and lit it, puffing fragrant streams of blue smoke into the air of the cramped cabin. “You just go get some sack time and I’ll let you know what’s up, ok?’

Jeff agreed and let his instincts draw him to his berth. He strapped himself into his bunk and drifted into a sort of semiconscious state.

There she was, drifting in front of him in microgravity, her burgeoning breasts teasing him, her hips undulating with the minor effort required to keep her in place, in the middle of the cabin. He felt an almost overwhelming lust for her, but knew somehow that to lunge for her and seek sexual completion was the very thing that would scare her away, so he held himself in check and watched her dance for him, a shy nymph, wanting him but frightened by the visible evidence of his manhood, standing proud, straight and twitching with desire before him.

His very being was consumed with desire for this marvelous woman before him, but he dared not approach. It was only then that he realized there was something more to her. Yes, there were pink glistening lips, swollen with desire, but mounted above them was…

He fought the straps, awakening to realize he had been dreaming and collapsed back into the damp and cum stained sheets to enter true sleep.

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To be Continued...

What was she going to do? The captain who had brought an effective end to the largest war humanity had ever fought by inflicting the greatest slaughter ever committed posed this question to herself as she sat finishing her red beans and rice, grimacing at the taste. This youngster they had just rescued could be one of the more promising engineering geniuses of the past century, but she had no idea how to even approach the child.

Rhysling's Rue
Chapter 7
By Theide
 

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Sarah carefully selected food from the line, piling her tray high with vegetables from the ships hydroponic gardens, avoiding the sparse and unappetizing portions of canned and rehydrated meats and fish. She reflected to herself that it was kind of odd how her tastes had changed. Rehydrated steak just didn’t seem as real or appealing as the genuine article, no matter how well it was prepared.

Beans and rice were food, but they just didn’t fulfill the carnivorous need. Indeed, something within her rebelled at the idea, but what was offered was what there was, and she had to be happy with that or just choose not to eat. Somehow, the idea of eating, even red beans and rice, seemed more than just attractive to her now.

She had figured out a kind of dodge for this. Just take a bite of beans and rice and imagine she was munching on the most delicious, juicy steak she had ever eaten. It wasn’t working. Somewhere in between pretending to eat the thing she actually wanted and thinking about her shift at work, there was a disconnect. Her thoughts kept returning to the child they had rescued earlier that day. She had watched from her station as the crew in the boat bay frantically made a hole in the bulkhead to extract the youngster and it almost made her sick to think of that poor frail child so crushed and battered. She couldn’t keep the image out of her head, that foamy little trickle of blood running from the corner of the child’s mouth and the intense need she felt to run and comfort her.

James Bosphors was equally unhappy with the food, but that wasn’t what was bothering him. He sat about halfway across the mess hall from Ensign Sarah Masters, watching as a frown creased her forehead. It wasn’t right of him to be so attracted to her, to want her so badly, and the thought that something was making her unhappy made him want to just go over and comfort her in a way that the notions of propriety in the chain of command made impossible. He had watched as she monitored the progress of the rescue, had seen how she almost cried when the child was taken from the makeshift craft alive but seriously injured, and managed to mostly conceal his own feelings of relief and anxiety at the child’s welfare.

He still didn’t understand his own emotions. Nothing made sense to him anymore, and he didn’t think anything ever would. The numb part of him accepted the fact that his parents and his sister had died in the kinetic strike on Armstrong City and nothing could change that. The simple notion that 2 million souls had perished in that single act of vicious retribution just didn’t register in his heart though. In many ways, he was just too wounded to accept the hurt, too close to emotionally dead to face reality.

Still, there was that need within him to reach out, to comfort his crewmates, to make some sort of connection. He had nothing and no one left, just his crewmates and the burning desire to survive, and that was the thing that made him keep chewing and swallowing, the knowledge that the deaths of all those he had held dear meant nothing if he didn’t survive to go on. It was a truly bitter pill, one he had no idea how to swallow.

He did have just one thing left within himself, the almost transcendent bond between himself and the weapons he commanded. That thin thread, that one thing, kept him from going to pieces even as within himself he knew he had personally killed more people than any single human being had ever done. No matter that the captain had ordered the strikes; his was still the final human link in the chain of command, his finger the one which had stroked the trigger. There was no recovery possible from that.
 
 
What was she going to do? The captain who had brought an effective end to the largest war humanity had ever fought by inflicting the greatest slaughter ever committed posed this question to herself as she sat finishing her red beans and rice, grimacing at the taste. This youngster they had just rescued could be one of the more promising engineering geniuses of the past century, but she had no idea how to even approach the child.

*Be truthful* she thought to herself, *You weren’t a very good parent even before you killed your own child*. That left a very bitter taste in her mouth but it was the truth. She had spent her life pursuing her career even at the expense of her own family, her relationship with her husband and worst of all, at the expense of watching her child grow to adulthood. The fact that she kicked herself for that now meant nothing. The opportunity to change things had flown past on the wings of an almighty dying, and that bird could never be captured within her soul again.

So it was back to the infernal beans and rice. Damned if she was going to be the sort of captain who dined well when her crew ate slop.

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To be Continued...

Their usual lack of chatter drew the loneliness of the vacuum about them as they soared through the deep, far off sunlight turning them half golden with glinting, unbearable brightness, obscuring the other half of each of them in blackest night. It was a sight to bewitch lesser souls, that dichotomy of light and absolute dark they each portrayed. An observer might even have said that it was a true vision of their being, but there was no one there to see it.

Rhysling's Rue
Chapter 8
By Theide
 

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Chapter 8

Mikhail was bored. Not just a little bored, it was the sort of mind numbing lack of something to do that ate at the mind, that encouraged thoughts of doing something, anything just to break the monotony. It didn’t help that he had no friends here, but he didn’t really think he was lonely, for after all he had never really known any other way of being. He had shuffled from one set of emotionally distant foster parents to another his entire childhood, never really attaining any sort of closeness. It only seemed natural for him to join the Marines when he finished school early at 17, and even there the air of aloofness he seemed to project kept others from approaching him.

He had read of friendships and thought that he might like to try one, but he was so socially inept that he never seemed to be able to connect with anyone other than on a very casual basis. It wasn’t that he was an uncaring person, it was just that he had no way to compare what other people cared about to his own interests. There were others like him in his unit, just as insular and distant as he. They worked well together, the only chatter over the coms related to the task at hand, which at the moment was waiting. Waiting to be told where to go, which particular piece of the ruined station’s hardware to remove for transport back to the ship.

None of them spoke, simply floating in position, variously absorbed in their own thoughts or gazing at the panorama of the Uranian system. There was beauty to be seen here, but only a few of them saw it and even those only saw what their own experience and enthusiasm lead them to see. Cairns saw the rings, to him it was a delicate gravitational dance, doomed to blur into something less distinct, to eventually dissipate. Stevens focused on the atmospheric storms which had persisted since before humankind had made the first tentative leaps off the home planet, and mourned for the fact that they too would die within just a few more centuries.

They each had their own unique view of what was spread out in front of them, and none of them had the ability to share that with the others who shared their units, their danger, their odd form of bravery which all of them simply considered normal, for none of them knew any other way to react or to share what they saw and felt. They had one thing in common. They all took pride in a job well done, and after a fashion, they all cared for each other, though not a single one of them knew how to put what they felt into words.
They all took pride in being Fleet Marines, and especially, they took pride in being Mikhail’s Misfits, the most decorated unit in what was left of a once proud military organization. None of them were quite aware that they were considered an elite unit, they simply didn’t communicate with others outside the unit enough to have ever been told this. They didn’t understand that others tried to emulate them, tried to be as cold and efficient as they appeared to the rest of the detachment of marines aboard Hermes. They were truly misfits, if not quite the sociopaths they might appear to be.

A sudden burst of chatter broke through Mikhail’s consciousness, rousing him from his state of comfortable sameness. The voice had clipped British overtones to it. “Lieutenant Moscovitch, you are directed to proceed to sector 17 delta and prepare for evacuation of personnel from sealed compartment 17 alpha Zed 14. Be advised that there are no personnel in this compartment with pressure suits, pressure docking components and transport are en route. Your mission is to secure and assist. Appropriate facilities are en route now, ETA, 5 minutes. Do not, repeat Do not breach containment in any way. Acknowledge instructions.”

Mikhail sent off a quick acknowledgement. An equally terse command to his team sped in its heels. “New orders, follow”. He didn’t even bother to check behind him, certain in the knowledge that his team was fast on his heels, coasting through the blackness. Their usual lack of chatter drew the loneliness of the vacuum about them as they soared through the deep, far off sunlight turning them half golden with glinting, unbearable brightness, obscuring the other half of each of them in blackest night. It was a sight to bewitch lesser souls, that dichotomy of light and absolute dark they each portrayed. An observer might even have said that it was a true vision of their being, but there was no one there to see it. They were all too absorbed in considering the mission.

An intolerable time later, checking the seals of the emergency airlock, shepherding the occupants of the compartment to safety, their shift ended. Still with no comment among themselves, they headed for the airlock that would allow them entrance to the world they had no way to cope with, the place that they all viewed as alien. It was time to eat.

There was some comfort in the action of eating for Mikhail, but it was not the idea of eating or even the flavors so much as the notion that when he had finished this necessary task he could go and lose himself for a while in the lush environs of the ships gardens. That had been his retreat since he was a small boy. No matter where he went, there were always gardens, and that was something that filled his soul with contentment. The plants never judged, they simply repaid kindness with enthusiastic growth. He was comfortable there.

He was wandering among the lush greenery, lost in his own thoughts, when suddenly the alarms broke into his reverie. “All hands, brace for acceleration, repeat, all hands, brace for acceleration.” There was nothing to hold on to, no handholds, so when the sudden acceleration hit, he was thrown into the air and slammed against a bulkhead, the unyielding hardness crushing him. Darkness began to overtake him as he strained to reach for some sort of safety. The acceleration ceased, but he still could not bring himself to move through the pain. There was something wrong with him and he had enough sense to simply wait for medics to reach him. A long, agonizing, foggy time later, they did, and he felt himself being carried to what he knew had to be sickbay. There he received blessed relief, fogging his mind and allowing him to accept the sickening pain the doctors inflicted on him as they set his broken bones. It did not, however, keep him from the odd sensation of grating and popping as they manipulated him back into shape. He wondered why they didn’t just put him under for that. Still, despite the moans of pain, he did not complain. He was after all, a Fleet Marine, and Marines did not bitch about a little broken bone here and there. No matter how much his toes hurt.

When he was finally able to think straight, he took a look around. To his right was a severely injured sailor, casts all over his body and traction gear appended to him. He felt a momentary flash of relief that he was not wounded as badly as the poor sailor. Looking to the other side, he was astonished to find what appeared to be a young teenage girl wrapped up in casts and bandages from the chest down. He would have readjusted himself, but the casts on his own limbs kept him from acting on the impulse.

He found himself staring at her face. She was so beautiful and innocent looking, laying there asleep. He was uncomfortable in his arousal and longing. He wanted her, and at the same time he knew there was no way a woman as beautiful as her would ever even look twice at him. A sort of despair overtook him, and he lapsed back into sleep. A part of his separation from others meant that he never knew that he was truly attractive to women, and more than a few men. His trim physique, a face that was just a little too angular to be called handsome and a great beak of a nose had been enough to keep him within himself. He never knew that many of his classmates at the Academy had considered him just the wrong side of attainable.

The errant hunk of rock had been avoided at minimal cost and the entire crew breathed a sigh of relief. One more disaster avoided through the quick action of one Ensign Sarah Masters. It was her voice that had warned everyone to brace, even as she overrode the control lockouts to maneuver the ship in a way it had never been meant to move, against the direct orders of her captain. Right now she was literally shaking in her boots as she awaited her captain’s displeasure in the captain’s very own ready room.

Rhysling's Rue
Chapter 9
By Theide
 

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Chapter 9

Pandemonium ruled for a brief instant before the crew drew themselves together to deal with some new unknown emergency. Despite the careful plotting of every hunk of orbital debris, something had sneaked through the systems and the alert attention of the Sensors officer to throw an unexpected missile at the Hermes and some fairly extreme evasion maneuvers had been required at the last moment to prevent serious damage to the ship. It was only through the greatest stoke of luck that the serious casualty list was limited to 2, one very unlucky sailor who had been in the process of unsuiting and one marine who had been wandering around in the gardens.

The errant hunk of rock had been avoided at minimal cost and the entire crew breathed a sigh of relief. One more disaster avoided through the quick action of one Ensign Sarah Masters. It was her voice that had warned everyone to brace, even as she overrode the control lockouts to maneuver the ship in a way it had never been meant to move, against the direct orders of her captain. Right now she was literally shaking in her boots as she awaited her captain’s displeasure in the captain’s very own ready room.

She was literally so scared she was about to piss herself waiting, but in any case, the nearest head would be a welcome sight. Her attempt at iron self control nearly gave way when the hatch slid open and she was confronted with the person of the Captain herself.

“Lieutenant Masters, please take a seat” . By this time her fear had magnified many times and she was literally about to piss on the floor, but somehow, the statement of rank penetrated through her state of terror.

“Maam, I hate to correct you, but my rank is Ensign and I really need to use the bloody head before I piss on your nice carpet.”

“Of course Lieutenant, it’s over there”. She gestured toward the facilities, which were labeled, as was protocol aboard any ship. She waited for a moment while the youngster did her toilet, a wry smile crossing her face as she remembered her own first posting fresh out of the academy and how she had herself been terrified of her captain. She adjusted her face back to a stern countenance before the young officer came out of the head. She was wasted at Sensors, she should truly have been Tactical Officer, especially given her delicate maneuvering of the ship to avoid that incoming bolide. She doubted that she herself could have done as delicate a job at evasive maneuvers.

She reappeared, adjusting her uniform hurriedly, a worried expression on her face. “Maam, I know I failed in my duty, there was a piece of rock I just didn’t see and I nearly cost the entire ship because of my stupidity, I know I must have caused some casualties, but I had to move the ship, it was either that or allow it to hit us and that would have been so much worse. I will put myself on report and confine myself to quarters until you can decide on the proper disciplinary action maam.”

By this time Helen was trying to decide whether she should be amused or irritated. She settled on amused. “Lieutenant Masters, please take a seat.” The bewildered young woman found a seat through her fog of tears, still convinced she was as deep in trouble as it was possible to get. The repeated use of Lieutenant as her rank had not quite penetrated her conscious mind. She still did not quite understand when she found the captain standing over her pinning new badges of rank on her collar.

“Maam, I don’t get it, I’m just an ensign who overstepped her bounds, what the hell is this bit?”

“No young lady, you are just an officer who did what had to be done to save this ship. That you had the courage to do so without orders and without needing to ask for permission makes you an officer I want on my bridge and one I hope will make better decisions than some of the monkeyfuck jobs I’ve made of things the past few months. You deserve this promotion and I won’t allow you to refuse it. Wear those silver bars with pride, young lady. You have earned them, Lieutenant Masters.”

With that, she straightened and saluted the woman she hoped would follow her in command rank. Sarah stood and gave a still somewhat teary salute back to her before she squared her shoulders and marched out of the Captain’s cabin, so overcome with emotion and pride she couldn’t see where she was walking.

The inevitable result of this was that she wound up marching straight into an unyielding mountain of muscle that called himself James Bosphors. The collision wasn’t exactly spectacular, but the corridor echoed to the sound of her bouncing off his bulk and suddenly sitting down on the deck with a little yelp.

James hadn’t seen her in time to react, so bound up in his own thoughts that he only noticed her presence after she bounced off of him. Ironically, his thoughts had been of her. He had been enchanted by her beauty and competence. He was fairly sure he was falling in love with her and had no idea what to do about it. She never even seemed to notice him unless they had to interact on shift and then she was professional and crisp, the only emotion in evidence going to her control boards. The only time he’d ever seen anything crack that cold, efficient veneer was when the strikes had been launched and when she was watching the rescue of that poor child.

Yet here she was, sitting on the deck in front of him, crying. He wanted so desperately to gather her in his arms and hold her, to soothe whatever hurt she was feeling. Instead, he offered his hand to her to help her up, his face burning with embarrassment. It was his curse, to be this great oversized mass of a man who couldn’t ever seem to connect with anything other than his console.

It was one of those things that had become a shipboard legend. They both longed for the other and it was obvious to all those around them, but neither of them had a clue. There was actually a standing bet among their crewmates as to when or even if they would get together. She took the offered hand, pulling herself up and blushing as she thought of what she wanted those great mitts to do to her. In her mind, he had scooped her up off the deck and hugged her while she wrapped herself around his bulk, but in reality, she simply accepted the hand up and scurried on down the passageway, blushing furiously and rubbing her sore posterior. He watched her until she went out of sight, wishing it was his hand that was rubbing that magnificent bottom.

Still, there was the fact that if given the same choice, confronted with the same circumstances, she would still have done the same thing. It was a burden none should have to bear and it was something she was stuck with. All that was left to her was to find some way to redeem herself in her own eyes, some way to counter the debt she owed to humanity.

Rhysling's Rue
Chapter 10
By Theide
 

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Chapter 10

Jeff was unable to sleep. His thoughts kept running back to the youngster he’d rescued from her makeshift spacecraft, worrying about her, obsessed with her. He’d done his part and was now stuck with the aftermath. It was something he found himself unable to handle. He found himself tossing and turning in his bunk, running down abandoned corridors in the night, trying to exercise himself to exhaustion. The tiredness came, but sleep remained elusive.

Mikhail had slept off the drugs and now found himself chafing at the fact that he was stuck in a damned hospital bed. Perhaps the worst part of things was the fact that he itched! Not just a small itch, it was the sort of itching that nearly drove him crazy, made him want to just scratch until the skin under his casts was abraded raw. The worst part was that he could do nothing about it. He knew that it was a symptom of the drugs that speeded his healing but it was truly maddening!

What was even worse was looking over at the young beauty who shared this cramped cubicle with him. He knew that she was awake part of the time but he could not manage to speak to her. He would have been astonished to know that the occupant of the other bed longed to speak to him, to speak to anyone, but he felt so alone in his bed, strung up with traction gear. He was lost, wondering who and what he was.

Stacy had never known what it was that was so different about him, what his father had hidden with such determination. Now he was beginning to get an idea, and it terrified him. He had heard the doctor tell the captain he was an hermaphrodite just before the drugs took consciousness from him. What did that mean?

He had always regarded himself as a male, but to find out now that he was on both sides of the battle of the sexes was a blow to his very idea of self. According to what the doctor had said, he was just as much male as he was female. Did that mean he could get pregnant? Just to think that to him(her?)self was terrifying. What was even more maddening at the moment though was the fact that he itched abominably and had no way to scratch.

Helen had a rare moment to herself, a bit of time to think and reflect on just what she was doing out here. There was the determination to make something new out of the dog’s breakfast she had been handed, to give something back to humanity after she herself had been the one responsible for such devastation, so much bloodshed. She didn’t have dreams like most people did, she had screaming bloody horrific nightmares with the faces of her child and husband figured foremost in them. There was no way to be sure, but she knew full well she had ordered their deaths along with the deaths of at least 1 Billion human beings, and the guilt threatened to grind her soul to dust. She was the butcher of Earth and nothing would ever change that. It was her voice that had given the order to launch the horrible strikes that had ended the war and no one else’s.

Still, there was the fact that if given the same choice, confronted with the same circumstances, she would still have done the same thing. It was a burden none should have to bear and it was something she was stuck with. All that was left to her was to find some way to redeem herself in her own eyes, some way to counter the debt she owed to humanity.

So the nightmares continued and she found some kind of odd solace in them. If she could still feel the horrible guilt, perhaps all was not lost. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope in the midst of despair and ruin, maybe there was something she could do to repair the damage she had caused. Maybe there was hope for humanity.

This thought alone kept her from just deciding to end it all. Somehow she would find a way to make things better, to build something worthwhile from the ashes. It was all that was left to her and she clung to it with a fierce determination, a will born of fire and destruction.

He had an evasion course programmed, and he found himself holding his breath as the clock ticked downward, holding a single finger supported by the others, ready to stab the button which would cause his ship to engage in fairly violent maneuvers. He nervously checked his harness with the other hand as the numbers on his boards dwindled toward zero.

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Chapter 11
 
 
Ted was jolted awake by the strident screaming of the collision alarms. He had been in the middle of the most beautiful dream, which for him was practically unheard of. It took a moment for him to reorient himself before he was able to free himself from his webbing and a twitch of his powerful arms sent him flying across the small space of his ship from his bunk into the pilot’s station. He drew himself down into his chair and strapped in with one hand while the other stabbed frantically at his control boards, silencing the horrible cacophony of the audible alarms and bringing up a display which showed him the threat he faced.

“Holy shit, it’s a ship!” He worked frantically for another moment while he muttered to himself. “Crap, it’s not just a ship, that’s a goddamned Fleet Strike Carrier! What the flying fuck is a big ass fucking ship like that doing out here?!” Luckily for him, his sensors were still on passive mode, so the only thing his tiny craft was emitting was a very minor IR signature, just the heat required to keep his environment livable radiating into the cosmos, and it would take more than just an alert Sensors Op to detect him, it would take a freakin miracle. The problem was, they were on a collision course, and unless that big assed hunk of metal moved, he was gonna be a little cloud of impact debris in just a little under 3 minutes. “I can’t make any kind of move, not even to avoid smashin into that big motherfucker, or they’ll know I’m a ship and I’m toast!”

It was almost another full minute until he came up with an alternative to maneuvering, but it was chancy at best and he knew it. Still, it was either that or take a chance on almost certainly getting captured by that carrier, and the best thing he could do was just hope against hope that his ruse would work and that whoever was over there on sensors would be able to see and avoid what to them would appear to be a random bolide on an incoming course.

His fingers didn’t dance across the controls, they practically scorched a path into the surfaces as he frantically keyed in commands to his EM shield array. At 1 minute to impact, he forced himself to lean back and watch, knowing that his ship now appeared to be just a highly metallic ball of rock to anyone looking. He’d pulled almost this same trick before while prospecting for metals among the rings and knew that it worked even against military grade sensors. The only question in his mind now was whether the sensor watch on the other ship was alert enough to detect him and avoid collision.

He had an evasion course programmed, and he found himself holding his breath as the clock ticked downward, holding a single finger supported by the others, ready to stab the button which would cause his ship to engage in fairly violent maneuvers. He nervously checked his harness with the other hand as the numbers on his boards dwindled toward zero.

50 seconds until collision. He didn’t want to die just because he had to take a nap! Suddenly the passive sensors of the other ship switched over to full active and he knew he had been spotted! It was another dreadful wait of almost 10 seconds before he saw the other ship start to maneuver, but not the way he expected it to. Somebody over there was far better than he had even considered possible, and as the countdown continued, he had to almost go into a meditative trance to keep from activating his evasion sequence. Only when it was clear to him that he would miss the other ship by a bare few meters could he force himself to relax just a bit. When he raised his finger from the boards, he was shaking so badly that he almost missed the majestic sight of the carrier’s hull whizzing by just an arms length away from the transparent windows of his command station.

He would never admit it to another soul, but he very nearly shit his pants. Unfortunately, not all sphincters are the same and what applied to his anal muscular control didn’t seem to apply to other areas. Right at that moment, he didn’t care, but when the adrenaline had ebbed just a bit, he decided that he had to change into a fresh shipsuit and mop out his command chair, for both were completely soaked with urine. By this time, he was comfortable in the belief that the carrier had not seen him as anything other than an errant hunk of rock.

After cleaning up and changing into a clean shipsuit, he relaxed enough to treat himself to a carefully hoarded few hits from his vaporizer. As he breathed in the vapor and held each lungfull for as long as he could, he reflected on the irony of what he was doing. One of the plants that provided the very air he breathed also gave him one of the few things that helped to make being a solo spacer tolerable. It didn’t hurt anything that he had been able to get off of the heavy synthetic meds that made him incapable of independent function. Without that, the phantom pain from his missing legs would surely have driven him mad long ago, not that he was sure he hadn’t crossed that particular line anyway.

The hatch that had severed his legs 3 years before had also saved his life, for if it hadn’t closed with such finality, he would surely have died, either from being sucked out into the cold vacuum or just from explosive decompression. The irony of that was not lost on him, and in truth he considered himself lucky that the hatch had not closed just a second sooner because then he might have been rendered sexless as well as legless (If he had survived). It was only by the quick action of his crewmate who had applied tourniquets to the stumps of his legs and hit the emergency atmospheric flood in the compartment that he had survived at all. That wasn’t much comfort to him in those early days. The company paid for his medical treatment and it paid well, but the cold hard fact was that he would never work for another rockjack outfit again, not with his disability.

He had seen before him the end of his days as a spacer, but the company had paid him off just well enough that he was able to buy a small prospecting ship out of his settlement. He could have chosen to spend the rest of his days in some nice safe environment, being pitied by everyone he encountered and using either a grav chair or crutches to get around, but he chose instead to buy the Wanderer. Its grav generators were running at something far below maximum efficiency and it would not have been economical to bring it up to par, but he didn’t mind spending most of his time in microgravity. For most other spacers it would not have been an attractive purchase but for him, it was about as close to perfect as he could get.

Within a year, he had managed to completely repay his mortgage on the ship and even pay for some new components for the grav system. It wasn’t that he wanted to spend his time in a grav heavy environment, but the plants did need it to grow properly and he wanted more than anything to be self sufficient. So he spent almost every moment that wasn’t occupied with mining reengineering the ship. Another 3 months saw his ship rebuilt almost completely to his liking, micrograv everywhere except in the aeroponics bays.

By that time, he had become so accustomed to the increased agility of his body in microgravity due to his lack of legs that it seemed like a major imposition to him to spend time tending the ship’s greenery, even though it provided most of his food and almost all of his air. The ease of movement conferred upon him by his more compact body seemed almost like a blessing until the pain came back, pain from limbs he no longer had. He hated the way the pain meds made him feel, all fuzzy and unable to think properly, so he began to wean himself off of them.

Eventually his research gave him an answer, albeit one that was unsatisfactory to him. After some experimentation, he decided that he had his solution. It was satisfactory in more than one way. It turned out the plant that produced a drug he could take without noticeably impairing his functionality also had an extraordinarily high CO2 to O2 conversion ratio in its vegetative state, so he could effectively kill 2 birds with one stone. The thing about it was that the plant had to go into budding stage to produce the drug he needed to enable him to tolerate the pain and in that state it produced far less oxygen.

For him by himself, that wasn’t a huge issue. He could devote almost half of the ship’s ag areas to growing his pet plant and let the rest produce food and extra oxygen for him. Since the ship had been designed to support a crew of 3, it was more than ample. He actually made side money selling fresh produce to the crews of the refinery ships he docked with to sell his ore. That ended with the war and suddenly things became more difficult. He had to adjust to grow more and different food to replace what he could no longer be certain he would be able to purchase and alter his production of the drug to compensate. It meant that he had less of the drug and that meant he had to ration it carefully and just deal with the pain. That state of affairs would ease somewhat when the marine protein sources he was growing in his water recycling tanks reached maturity and helped to supplement the food supply.

That didn’t mean he had to be happy about eating some of the things he would have to eat to be truly self-sufficient, though. He’d never been a big lover of seafood and though shrimp were delicious, some of the other things he was growing made him almost sick to think about. He thought with longing about the last 10 pounds of beef he had been able to buy at exorbitant cost just before things went over the edge into full blown war.

“Oh well,” he mused, “at least I was able to buy the stuff to be able to start this marine ecosystem. Pain in the ass keeping it all balanced though.” As difficult as it may have been to maintain, that ecosystem allowed him the possibility of long term self reliance, the ability to live almost indefinitely without having to have contact with any other human beings. It was a lonely life, but at least it was a life and the only option that he could bring himself to contemplate. Anything else would have left him marooned out in the vastness of space, slowly dying of malnutrition as the materials he needed to sustain life were depleted without any possibility of replenishment.

His ship continued off on it’s orbit as he lost himself in monitoring his systems and making minute adjustments to nutrient levels, the carrier vanishing slowly into the distance behind him, not quite forgotten but no longer truly relevant to him.

Sarah Masters found herself unable to sleep. There was something nibbling at the back of her mind, something about the sensor readings she had gotten from that hunk of rock she’d had to dodge earlier. It was subtly wrong and like a loose tooth, she couldn’t resist wiggling it with her tongue, over and over. She finally gave up on the attempt at sleep and pulled up the sensor logs from that encounter, going over them carefully, and gnawing a little at her bottom lip in concentration.

Suddenly, the answer practically leaped off the screen at her and she stared at the readout in shock. She fretted about waking the captain, but this was important enough to risk one of her legendary ass chewings so she keyed the combination for her private com. She was surprised to see the captain’s face fill her screen in only a few seconds. “Lieutenant Masters, I assume you have a good reason for this call?” It wasn’t quite a question.

“Maam, I was going over the sensor logs from earlier and I found what was bothering me about it.” She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. “The temperature of that object that almost hit us was too far above ambient to be a result of anything natural. It has to have been a ship, just very heavily stealthed. Everything else said rock, but that temperature profile fits a small prospecting ship.”

Helen carefully held her face impassive as she listened.

“Maam, whoever it is was either in trouble or just scared stiff of us and I didn’t see any evidence of radiation leakage or anything like that, so I’d go with scared. Gotta give em credit for brass balls though, depending on our maneuvering out of their way like that.” Her face flushed as she realized what she had just said to the captain.

Helen thought about this for a moment, turning this new information over in her mind. This could be a godsend if Sarah’s theory was correct. Her ship had many things, but the equipment to properly engage in prospecting and mining was not among them. The decision almost made itself for her. “Lieutenant, report to your duty station in five minutes.” She broke the connection and unhurriedly donned her uniform, fully aware that the young woman who had called was doing the same.

The young woman in question was setting new records for speed in dressing and scrambled out of her cabin in just over a minute, still pulling her blonde mane into a tidy looking knot at the back of her head as she sprinted toward the bridge. She arrived at the hatch just a bit out of breath and paused a moment to settle her beret into place and slow her breathing before she entered. She was relieved to note that the captain had not yet arrived as she relieved the officer on duty at sensors and slid into place before her displays, calling up the data she had just been poring over in her cabin and beginning course calculations for an intercept of the other ship.

Helen deliberately waited until the five minutes was up before she cycled the hatch and strode onto the bridge, unsurprised to find a feverishly working young lieutenant at sensors. She allowed herself an instant of pride as she settled into her own station, leaving the shockframe unfastened. “What have you got for me, Sensors?”

Sarah jerked out of her intense focus at the sound of the warm contralto. “Relaying to your displays now, maam. Looks like he’s still pretending to be a rock, no change in trajectory. I was able to get a little refinement on emissions signature and it is definitely a prospecting ship.”

“Very well, thank you lieutenant. I see you’ve already computed an intercept course, but I really don’t think we need to take the entire ship just to bring in a stray rockjack, do you?” She was pleased to notice new courses for not just one but two intercept options flash onto her displays almost as soon as she was finished speaking. She considered them for a moment. “You said you saw no sign of damage to the ship, correct?”

Sarah glanced back at her readouts before replying. “No maam, no radiation leakage, nothing that would indicate anything other than a really good job of hiding. Even the temperature anomaly that got my attention is just barely detectable. I’d say whoever it is has done this before.”

Helen allowed herself a small smile. “Well Lieutenant, I think it’s about time we gave him back a little of the scare he gave us, wouldn’t you?” She couldn’t see the grin on Sarah’s face, but her tone of voice gave her away.

“Oh, yes maam, I do think that would be very appropriate!” It was all she could do not to giggle in anticipation as she heard the captain order 3 fighters to launch on a least time course to intercept. Less than five minutes later, the smaller craft were on the way.

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“Captain Honore, this is Captain Helen Hunt of the Fleet Strike Carrier Hermes. That would be the “Giant piece of shit we choose to call a ship”. I would appreciate your company in my ready room ASAP. I think we have some items of mutual interest to discuss. When do you think I can expect the pleasure of your company?”

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Chapter 11
 
 

Chapter 12

Ted had managed to lose himself in the peaceful tedium of caring for his plants for a time, the soothing business of trimming and pruning taking the place of the terror from earlier. He was certain he had escaped detection until he was startled from his reverie by the sound of his com system coming from the cockpit.

“Unidentified craft, respond.” That certainly got his attention and he awkwardly walked on his hands out of the ag area into the microgravity which held sway in the rest of his ship. As he launched his body toward the cockpit, he heard the voice again. “Unidentified craft, unless you respond we will disable your engines and tow you back home. You have 3 minutes to acknowledge.”

He was frantically flinging himself into his seat and enabling two way communication with barely five seconds left. “This is Captain Ted Honore of the Wanderer, who the hell are you? What do you mean threatening me like that? What the fuck is your problem, you misbegotten sons of bitches!?” At this point he was hanging on to one arm of his chair and using the other hand to draw him closer to the audio pickup so he could scream more loudly into the mike.

“Captain, I suggest you take a look at your sensors. We are fighter craft from the Fleet Strike Carrier Hermes. We have orders to escort you to our mother ship whether you like it or not, so I would recommend following our instructions. You might remember our mother ship, the big ass thing that moved out of your way while you were pretending to be a rock?”

Ted’s anger was replaced with a sudden dry feeling in his mouth and a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. “Aw, crap! Why can’t you people just let me go? It’s not like I was attacking you, I was just trying not to be noticed!” He thought furiously for a moment, seeing no way out of this fix. “Alright, fine, I’ll come with you, just give me a few moments to figure a course. I don’t exactly have fuel to burn, you know!” He shut off his own audio feed, still uttering imprecations under his breath and furiously punching at his control boards with one hand as he strapped himself down into his seat with the other. In another moment, he had his solution and jabbed at his audio pickups.

“Alright, you assholes. I’m engaging engines now on a course back to that giant piece of shit you call a ship. Do me the kindness of not shooting at me, huh?”

The dry voice which responded did nothing to help his mood or calm his fears. “Roger that, Wanderer. Transmit details of your intended course to us and we will maintain overwatch.”

Ted did as instructed and waited until the first scheduled burn sent him toward a slingshot around one of the moons and back in the direction from which he had come. At this point he retrieved his vaporizer and sat taking hit after hit from it until the retro burn began, slowing his ship into a parking orbit relative to the huge bulk of the carrier. He triggered his com again. “Alright, boys, I did what you said, what the fuck do you want now!?”

The voice that came back to him was different, a warm contralto that made him think of what he hadn’t had for at least a year now.

“Captain Honore, this is Captain Helen Hunt of the Fleet Strike Carrier Hermes. That would be the “Giant piece of shit we choose to call a ship”. I would appreciate your company in my ready room ASAP. I think we have some items of mutual interest to discuss. When do you think I can expect the pleasure of your company?”

The sound of her voice made him flush all over and he shifted his position in his seat, unconsciously try to hide his reaction to her voice. “Maam, I’m a singleton here and I don’t want to leave my ship hanging out there by herself. Is there any possibility you could join me over here?” He knew that wasn’t likely to happen, but the sound of her voice and the feelings it awakened within his loins suddenly made him feel ashamed of his body, of the painful emptiness where his legs used to be. He had problems admitting it, even to himself, but the truth was he felt as much unmanned by the lack of his legs as he would have if that lock had shut a second sooner and emasculated him.

“No, there is no possibility of that, but if you’ll follow the beacon and dock in our number three boat bay, I’m sure your ship will be safe in its berth and I will sign a statement to that effect. I will also sign a letter of safe conduct for you. Will that do for you, Captain Honore?”

He thought frantically for a moment. He still had no indication of just what navy she was a part of, but a letter of safe conduct signed by the captain of a warship was the next best thing to law. Her offer left him with no real choice but accept. He finally toggled his mike. “Captain Hunt, I will accept your gracious offer. I have a lock on the beacon and will be in your number 3 bay within 15 minutes. Wanderer out.”

The next few minutes were consumed with maneuvering his craft and worrying about how exactly he was going to present himself. 2 minutes in the shower to wash the stink off, followed by dressing in a fresh shipsuit(The last one he had). He put his vaporisor away after a last deep toke from the device, trying to calm his desperately racing heart. He was just finished with strapping his prosthetic legs on when his sensors told him that pressure had equalized outside the airlock and he was free to disembark.

A last twitch of his pantlegs to ensure that they fell as naturally as he could manage, and he triggered the outer airlock door, stepping through to the twitter of a bosun’s pipe. He braced to attention as best he could and managed to say, in a mostly calm and clear tone of voice, “Captain Honore of the Wanderer. Permission to board?” A young looking ensign snapped off a salute to him.

“Permission granted, Captain. Here is your letter of safe conduct, signed by the Captain. Please follow me.” She turned in a militarily precise about face and marched off down a line only she could see, directly toward a hatch which yawned before him. He stumped along in her wake, cursing the clumsiness of his ersatz appendages. He wondered what was to become of him, having noticed that the uniform she wore was that of the Earther Navy, but his train of thought derailed when he noticed the Martian starburst set above her insignia of rank.

He knew full well that no one in the Earth navy would be allowed to flaunt that badge and it sent his eyes looking around at the insignia of the personnel in the boat bay. He saw Martians, Loonies, Venusians, the emblem of the Jupiter Union, Belter’s splashes, just about every mark of nationality he could think of. By the time the doors of the lift closed and cut off the view of the bay, he was beyond confused.

So it was that he marched stiffly into the captain’s ready room, ready to explode with questions. The woman who stood from behind his desk to shake his hand blew all of them out of his mind.

“I’m Captain Hunt, and you, I presume, are Captain Honore?” The warmth of her voice sent shivers down his spine and made the stumps of his legs hurt. He was aware that he was hardening in his pants as her gaze took him in. “Have a seat, Captain. Do you like Scotch?” She gestured at him with a bottle he knew full well to be at least 80 years old and aged for 30 years before that. “I’ve got a nice single malt here that I think you just might appreciate. I’m pretty sure it’s the last bottle left. I think something like this calls for civilized discussion, don’t you?”

“Well, to be honest Captain, I don’t have anything to compare with that, but I do have my latest hybrid buds. I’m sorry to say that the prospect of your boys shooting at me depleted my supply considerably anyway, but if you’ll take what I’ve got, I’ll be glad to accept your generous offer, There’s no way I’m just going to take your generosity without giving something, even though it may not be of equal worth.” He withdrew a small package from his pocket and tossed it on the desk between them.

She was busily pouring two fingers each out of the bottle into rocks glasses. “Captain Honore, I won’t beat around the bush here.” That turn of phrase was unfortunate as it caused his groin to throb and twitch to the point he was sure she could see. “I need what you have, and I think you need what I have. It strikes me that we could come to some sort of agreement that could be of benefit to us both. What do you think?”

That was an even more unfortunate statement that the previous one and he nearly doubled over, glad to have the distraction of accepting the glass from her as he held his arm angled in such a way as to obscure his throbbing erection. He couldn’t come up with anything to say that wouldn’t just sound incredibly stupid, so he took a moment to think, just long enough for him to get his more animal instincts under control. That didn’t exactly work.

“Maam, I’d be willing to talk about it, but I don’t know what the hell I might have that you could want, you being Earth Navy and all that. Uh, Maam, just so you know, I have my fusion plant set to overload in about 5 minutes, faster than your folks can get her out of your bay. I don’t know what you have in mind, but I do know damn well that I can take your ship out of space right now. The way I see it, I’m sitting in the catbird seat at the moment. The question is more like what do you have that I want?”

He watched her hand inch toward a control on her desk. “Captain, I wouldn’t do that. I’ve got about 20 kilos of high explosive packed inside my legs here. Any attempt to remove them or to kill me will set them off, killing you in the process.” He hefted one of his legs onto her desktop, knocking on it with his knuckle and producing a dull clunking sound. “If I were you, I’d be real careful what buttons my fingers touch from here on in, Captain Hunt.”

She froze, an expression of disbelief on her face, before she burst into laughter. It was almost a full minute before she managed to restrain herself, to the bemusement of her erstwhile companion. “Captain Honore, you must understand that I am not your captor. I am not offering you terms of surrender, I am offering a mutually beneficial arrangement. There is no more Earth Navy, hell, there pretty much is no more Earth, or Mars, or anything else. All that bullshit has gone the way of the Dodo. Oh, and by the way, my crew can have your ship out of number 3 bay in under a minute.” She leaned forward, her amusement fading into well worn lines of sorrow. “All that you knew, all that I knew, all that anyone knew, is dead, gone, kaput. There is no more Earth Navy, no more Martian Solidarity, no more Jupiter Union, no more anything but those few of us who managed to survive the last battles. I’d be astonished if there are 50 million humans left alive in the entire solar system.”

She paused for a moment, a shadow of grief crossing her face. “Captain, I’m going to reach into my desk drawer now. I have a vaporizer in there and as soon as you accept a sip of my scotch, I’ll take a toke of your weed. Oh, by the way, could you disable your overloads please? I would hate to waste your ship and have nothing to show for it.”

Oddly enough, the pressure in his groin had not decreased as she spoke. If anything, he was more aroused, but that feeling had taken on another dimension, one that years of only having prostitutes and bar whores to satisfy his appetites had made him unfamiliar with. His voice was just a little tight as he replied. “Hey, I got no death wish. I’ve spent more energy staying alive than anybody I know.” He thought for a moment. “Well maybe other than you. If you can give me some kind of reason to keep on doing that, I can’t say it would exactly hurt my feelings.”

She favored him with a warm smile over the edge of her glass and at that moment, he realized the last thing in the universe he wanted to do was harm this woman. He played a quick sequence on the control surfaces hidden in his fake thighs and disabled the self destruct sequence on his ship.

“Ma’am, go ahead and get out your vaporizer. I’d be honored to accept a wee dram and I’m ashamed I have nothing better to offer you.” He raised the glass to his lips and took a tiny sip, tossing the burning fluid to the back of his mouth and swishing it around his tongue, savoring the flavor until it faded into a pleasant aftertaste. “Holy shit that’s good. I don’t think I’ve had a better sip in my life, ever. My great grandfather would kill me if he knew I was enjoying this more than a fine cognac.” He tossed a rueful expression at her as he took another tiny sip and couldn’t help but utter a little moaning exclamation.

He looked “I gotta tell you that you can’t just bribe me with good liquor and expect me to fold. You want me to sign on with your outfit, I have to know something about what kind of person you are.

She leaned back and took a deep drink from her glass before speaking. “When the orders were given to obliterate the cities on Mars, I went renegade. With the help of some belters and some others from the Jupiter Union and the Martian Confederation, we launched massive bolides at Earth. I wish there would have been a better solution, but at that time the Earth Navy was focused on destroying all other settlements in the solar system and we just couldn’t allow that to happen.”

“I didn’t know what else to do. They were preparing a fleet of ships that would have ensured the dominance of Earth over the entire solar system as far into the future as we could see. We took the only action we could. I killed my own family to keep that from happening. We are out here alone, with no hope of relief, no option but to try and make something better out of the dog’s breakfast we have been handed. I will admit I’m a bit angry at the way you tried to escape our notice. I’ve got two members of my crew in sickbay with fairly severe injuries right now because of the way we had to maneuver to avoid what we thought was a rock!”

She leaned toward him, her face set in harsh lines and painful patterns. “I’m pissed at you, but I need what you have to offer. You have the ability to find ores and materials we will need in the future if we’re going to rebuild some kind of civilization. I, on the other hand, can offer you a degree of safety you could never find on your own. You see, I think we each have things the other can make use of, things that just might be essential to our mutual survival and to maybe one day getting beyond just surviving.”

“Well,” he leaned back in his chair and took another sip of his scotch, this time not even tasting it, “You know, I thought I had it pretty bad, but I gotta say, you pretty much got me beat. I think maybe we should put this liquor away and you should get your vaporizer out. The only thing I can taste right now is ashes. You got any slash, or maybe just some bug juice?”

She simply stared at him, astonished. “You know what?” He stood on his clumsy explosive laden fake legs and took her glass from her frozen hand. He grasped the bottle on her desk and carefully poured the liquor back into the bottle, ramming the authentic cork stopper back into its neck when he was finished. “Let’s save this for when we have something to really celebrate, something worthwhile, ok?

“Captain Hunt?” He snapped his fingers in front of her face. “Um, captain? I’m gonna go ahead and get your steward, ok?” She still sat frozen in front of him. “Ok, well, I’ll be back in a minute. You just sit tight.” He spun on a poorly balanced heel and clumped his way toward the hatch.

He was brought to an abrupt halt by the sound of her voice, as cool and calm as the first time she had ever spoken to him over the coms. “Captain Honore, please sit down. I think we have each vastly underestimated the other and I would like to remedy that situation.” He found himself having to deal with as powerful a sexual response as he had ever experienced. Something about her voice and the way she spoke to him made him instantly regain the heightened sense of arousal he had experienced when he first came into her presence. He was, for the first time, grateful that he could hide his rampant erection from her with the clumsy gait caused by his ersatz legs. He didn’t want her to know how powerfully she affected him because he was still dealing with what he saw as the shame of his lack of legs.

“I’ll agree with you that perhaps we should save this fine liquor for another occasion, but right now, I feel the need for a drink. I know you asked for slash, but it turns out that some of my officers are just a bit more resourceful than that. We happen to have some rather tasty potato vodka available.” Her nipples tightened almost painfully as she leaned toward him, every nerve ending in her body singing. Things she hadn’t felt, even in her dreams, not since the war went into full swing and she was forced to become the demon lady slaughterer of billions thrilled down her nerve endings. She realized with a sudden shock that she was aroused by this half destroyed man, to an extent that even her (presumably) late husband had not caused her to feel.

The tension between them did not abate as he sat facing her across the desk, him grateful that he could hide himself in the folds of his clothes and her equally grateful the she had chosen to wear a bra with some padding so her erect nipples were not quite as visible through her uniform as they would have been in her normal sports bra. Neither set of clothing stopped the scent each gave off.

“Captain Honore, I think some vodka would be quite suitable. Unfortunately, I don’t have any caviar to accompany it.” She was almost squirming in her seat with her own arousal.

H was close to squirming in his own chair for much the same reason. “Ah, well then we are perhaps most fortunate. It just so happens that I have possibly one of the very last tins of Beluga caviar in the entire solar system on my ship. I would say I have been saving it for a more important occasion, but right offhand, I can’t think of one. Madame Hunt, would you care to share an ancient Russian delicacy with me? I can’t think of a better time to have it, or a better person to share it with. As someone once said, eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we may die!”

It was barely a quarter of an hour later that the steward delivered the promised caviar and they sat across the desk from each other doing shots of peppered vodka with ersatz sour crá¨me and slices of boiled egg on actual authentic wheat crackers. The constant hits of Ted’s truly excellent weed only served to enhance their appetites(Not just the ones for food!)Any Russians aboard ship would have given their eyeteeth for such a feast, but by the time the two sank teeth into the first bite, everyone aboard knew what was happening and none of them resented it. In truth, the only care they had was maintaining security overwatch on the ship. The simple knowledge that their captain had pulled out of her murderous depression was enough for them. If they had known how the rest of the evening went, they would have thrown her a sympathy party.

They woke the next morning, cuddled in each other’s arms. He was hugging her from behind, tweaking one of her nipples in their mutual sleep “Hey, what the fuck do you think you’re doing!” He moaned in a semi awake state.

“Er, jeeze, I’m like so totally sorry. Please don’t be mad at me, I wanted you so much! I guess it must have been the vodka!”

She twisted away from him in the microgravity environment of her bed, shoving herself out into the full gravity field she maintained as a courtesy to others. The result was that she fell almost a full four feet onto the floor of her cabin. The sudden jolt awakened her and she ran for the head, only to realize that she was actually wearing panties and had to pull them down to relieve herself.

It took her just a moment to realize what that meant. Her realization was confirmed when she peeked out of the head the see that Honore was still wearing his underwear as well. She took a moment to explore herself and review the video records before she realized what had truly happened. This man had slept with her and had not taken advantage of her even though both of them were very drunk. More than that, he had even apologized for playing with her nipples while they were in something close to the most compromising position possible.

“Hey, you awake?” She was answered with a heavy inhalation which would have likely been a snore in a full gravity environment. She walked over and poked him in the shoulder, sending him drifting into the bulkhead on the inside of the bunk. “Hey, you motherfucker, wake up!” She poked him harder.

He bounced off the inner wall of the bunk and encountered the full gravity field, slamming to the floor with a whiff of air expelled from his lungs. “What the fuck?” He looked up into her eyes for a moment before consciousness returned. “Uh, Captain Hunt?!” He scrabbled around for a moment, looking for his pants, then reality sank in and he began to look more pitiable than astonished. “Um, Captain, could you please hand me my legs? They’re over there in the corner, with my shipsuit”

“Hey”, she answered playfully “You know they have perfectly functional antigravity setups for that kind of thing?” She took a moment to undulate her seminude form in front of him, taking pleasure in the undeniable reaction it drew from him. “You know, I don’t really remember what happened last night, but I’m pretty sure it was hot as hell!”

“Captain, I can’t even tell you it wasn’t that way because I don’t remember, but I promise I will never ever touch you again in any way that isn’t appropriate in your eyes. Believe me, the last thing I would ever do is take a woman against her will! If that happened between us last night and you didn’t want it, I would willingly kill myself! Oh god, just give me a knife and I’ll deal with it! You can have my ship and everything!”

To his astonishment, she stepped off the gravity field of the floor and drifted into the bed with him, cradling him into her bosom. ”Hey stupid, nothing happened. The video records tell me we went to bed and you cuddled me, and that’s all.” She thought to herself for a moment, replaying the video in her mind.

“Ok, that’s not all. I did everything I could to seduce you into making love to me and you just refused. I don’t know exactly why, but you kept insisting you weren’t enough man for me” She cuddled him into her ample breasts for another moment and felt his manhood rising in response. “I don’t know exactly why you feel that way but I have to tell you, I want you more than I have ever wanted any man in my life. More to the point, I want you right now.”

She spun him around in her arms and sank herself onto his willing shaft. The next few hours were spent discovering the delights and difficulties of sex in microgravity.

“Like it or not, you are our only hope. I just thank my lucky stars you aren’t as homely as Obi-Wan Kenobi.” If they hadn’t both been so exhausted, that would have triggered another round of sex. As it was, they snuggled into each other’s embrace and fell fast asleep, not without some giggling.

---

 
Chapter 13
 
 

Ted awoke feeling as though he had run a marathon on his hands. He didn’t have a single muscle in his body that didn’t ache with overuse and his stumps were throbbing even worse than his head. One thing made up for all that though, and that was the woman he held in his arms. He gazed wonderingly at her face as she drooled on his chest, her snore something fit to wake the dead.

She didn’t care about his legs! He was lost in his gratitude for that fact as he stared at her and she gradually awoke. To his amazement, she opened her eyes and looked straight into his face before snuggling up even more closely into his embrace. “You know, in Micro-g, I think sex is actually better without legs, at least on the guy.”

He looked into her bloodshot eyes, astonished. “Er, what?”

“Well, it was really good, and I think we actually managed a few positions that wouldn’t have been possible otherwise. That spinning thing was just incredible!” She stretched, bringing her erect nipples almost up to his eye level and causing his body to react independently of his intellect.

“If you don’t stop that, I’m gonna get all hot and bothered again!”

“Well you can get as bothered as you want to, but I get first use of the head!” She disengaged herself from their embrace and launched out of the bunk on a trajectory that gave her a lead on a backspring toward the aforementioned head. By the time she was done, he had discovered the frustration of not being able to do the bathroom dance.

She burst out in laughter as he streaked past her through the opened door, running on his hands at record speed. The sounds coming from the facilities only made her laugh harder. She was still indulging herself in fits of laughter when he appeared through the door, a somewhat sheepish expression on his face.

“OK, sneaking up on me with fighters was damned distressing, but at least I knew what was happening! Springing a goddamned surprise bidet attack was just a little beyond the pale! I damn near knocked myself out on the opposite wall of the cubicle when that fucking thing attacked me!” She let him fume for a moment before she interjected.

“Um, it’s set up for a lady’s needs. I didn’t exactly figure on having a gentleman friend use it.” At that point she completely lost it again and collapsed onto the bunk in a major giggle fit. “Gods I wish I’d been watching!”

She was still giggling madly as he boosted himself into the micrograv field of the bunk and wrapped himself around her. “Hey, you can laugh all you want, but the way that one jet was aimed and this little tube of lube I found tell me I sorta missed something last night and if you don’t mind, I think I’m gonna make up for that oversight.” She giggled right up until her shrieks of laughter turned into moans of pleasure.

“Alright, captain, I think you and I need to have a serious discussion about our relationship.” She looked into his sleepy eyes.

The best thing he could come up with was “Er, relationship?”

“Yeah, relationship, dumbass.” She kissed him until they were both breathless and rubbed herself along his length. “Like how the hell are we going to handle this?”

“Handle what?”

“Well, the fact that we’ve had sex, and the fact that I think I just might be falling in love with you.”

“Um, you what?” He jerked up, holding her in his arms and looking back into her eyes. “I mean, did I just hear what I thought I heard? Not the sex part, I mean it’s not like I can deny that, but the love thing!?”

“Hey, you think it freaks you out, you oughta spend a day or two in my shoes. Here I am, the greatest butcher the human race has ever known, and I’m telling a man I have feelings for him. That’s just pretty damn strange.” She gazed back into his hazel orbs. “Strange or not, it is true. I’m not sure if you feel the same way, but for right now, I’d like to pretend you do.”

His mind raced as parts of him throbbed with arousal and yet other parts delivered twinges of pain almost too intense for him to deal with. “Er, you know I’m pretty much damaged goods? I mean, I’m literally like half a man!”

”So? I’m less than half a woman! I slaughtered my own family because I thought my ideals were worth more than a few billion lives. You just got your legs chopped off in an accident, I made the choice to kill a whole hell of a lot of other people and slaughter my family in the bargain! You wanna talk damaged goods buddy, I think I’ve pretty much got you on that score!”

He tightened his arms around her. “Um, look, I had no idea you had it that bad. I mean I knew you were some kinda badass, but that’s way beyond anything I ever thought about. I can’t even begin to imagine how much guilt you feel.” She twisted away from him, tears prickling at her eyelids.

“Look, I‘m the last person in the universe to judge you for anything like that! I don’t care if you were the Angel of Death!” She collapsed into his arms, sobbing. “Oh my god, you were! Do you know that the inhabitants of the rest of the solar system call you that?”

She sobbed into his shoulder as he held her close. “I’m both things, and neither, and something even more terrible than any name they can ever give me. I’ve personally killed more human beings than anyone ever in the history of mankind.” She wept piteously as he rocked her in his arms. “I’m a monster! I don’t even know what to call myself, I’m so horrible!”

He held her in his arms and cradled her in his embrace, shocked by her revelations but totally aware of the sort of person he had spent the previous night in bed with. In his mind, there was no real way to square the one persona with the other, even though he knew they were the same woman. “Look, I’m pretty sure you just did what the circumstances dictated. In fact, in your position, I probably would have done the same thing, that is, if I’d had the balls to do it. I just wouldn’t have a family on earth to feel guilty about.”

He squeezed her even more tightly, nuzzling into her shoulder and shedding his tears on her. “I don’t blame you for a damn thing you did, those bastards were going to turn the rest of us into outright slaves! You saved all of humanity! And yes,” He held her closer as her sobs turned into something that would have shaken the entire solar system with the power of her grief. “You destroyed what needed destroying. By your actions, you have saved the very soul of humanity!”

She pushed him away from her, looking him in the eyes, her steely gray gaze holding his hazel regard. She wiped her tears away and stared into the depths of his soul. “So you are trying to tell me that I needed to kill close on 7 billion people just to have a moral victory?”

It took him a moment to think it through, to recall the things he had said, but in the end, the truth was inescapable. “Um, yeah, pretty much.”

“So what the fuck do we do now?” He looked deeply into her eyes again and stroked the part of her hair that seemed determined to obscure his vision of her face.

“Well, you know, I think you made a pretty good start just yesterday. You got a little bit of a recovery effort going, even though you had to scare the shit out of me to do it. My ship is just the first piece of the puzzle. You’ve got damn near 250 yard dogs on your hands. With that kind of manpower and the resources available, we could have a fleet of about 20 smaller ships available within two years. That’s counting in the time it would take to train crew to run them and time to build armaments for them. It just depends on how you want to run the mix, military versus civilian ships. I’d say for right now, the best bet would be to focus on miners.”

“Wow, you’ve really given this some thought, haven’t you?” She started rubbing some very sensitive parts of his anatomy.

He captured her errant hand and tried his best to be very serious. “Yes, Madame President, I certainly have given it some thought.” She jerked her hand out of his grasp.

“What the fuck did you just call me?”

“Madame President, I called you what you are right now, nothing less, nothing more. If you don’t like the title, perhaps you shouldn’t have done the things necessary to earn it. I mean, if you wanted to, you could call yourself a queen, although I rather think the Belters would object. At this moment, you hold in your hand the most powerful military force available to all of humanity. You also hold the only decent prospect of building any kind of military force, in the name of Hephaestus station. It might be wrecked at the moment, but it is the best base for an industrial and military center left in the entire system.”

“Like it or not, you are our only hope. I just thank my lucky stars you aren’t as homely as Obi-Wan Kenobi.” If they hadn’t both been so exhausted, that would have triggered another round of sex. As it was, they snuggled into each other’s embrace and fell fast asleep, not without some giggling.

Almost directly across the solar system, in the orbit of Neptune, the exact opposite was happening. “Ok, we’ve got a shipyard and vessels to provide materials to build more fighter craft and more dreadnoughts.” Admiral O’Shaughnessy held court on the bridge of his flagship. “The question is, should we focus on building a force which can defeat anything else out there, or should we focus on building an effective civilian economy?”

His flag officers looked at each other, reluctant to voice their opinions. Grant was the first to speak up, hesitant though he sounded. “Sir, I think the fact that some of the prewar navy has survived and some of it has admittedly gone rogue suggests we should focus our efforts on a military buildup. I think if we went civilian at his point we would be inviting defeat in detail, sir!”

The admiral agreed, although he couldn’t help but wish that he had something better than sycophants commanding the other ships of his squadron. “What about food and other basics?”

“Well, we have about a five month reserve of protein sources in our freezers, sir. Beyond that its pretty much beans and rice, sir. If we limit it to only senior command staff, you could pretty much have a steak dinner every night for 2 years, sir” the steward who answered had an almost cringing quality about him, as though he was afraid of being struck at any moment. “After that, we just might have some lobsters big enough to eat, sir.”

“That’s the best you can give me?” O’Shaughnessy’s face was almost purple with rage. “Fucking seabugs?!”

“No sir, I might be able to provide you with cloned beef tissue, but it will consume almost 20 crewmen worth of nutrients. Not an ideal use of crew or supplies, sir.”

“As long as I don’t have to eat a fuckin bug, you’ve got a job. Now let’s get on with how the hell we’re going to crush that bitch!” If any of his subordinates had felt differently, they would likely have spoken, but none of them did. The men who ruled the complements of 12 Terran ships of the line were simply glad they were alive.

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. As of 2 hours from now, we will depart for the Uranian System. We will proceed to locate and destroy the Hermes. At that point, the only thing left capable of challenging us will be small craft and none of them can even begin to think about standing up to the level of force we can apply. Gentlemen, we have the entire solar system in our hands!”

A tiny ship hid in the shadow of one of the smaller moons, watching as the ponderous bulk of O’Shaughnessy’s fleet boosted out of orbit. An almost miniscule amount of its occupant’s attention was dedicated to monitoring her sensors because the rest of her rather impressive intellect was occupied with deciding whether she should risk revealing herself by trying to warn the Hermes. As so many things had in this war, it came down to a moral decision and Nimashet Bismadi felt herself woefully inadequate to the task of making one of those. Nonetheless, she took a bit of solace in the fact that her carnivorous tendencies had been distinctly curbed toward the vegetarian end of things by sheer necessity and though she enjoyed a good steak, she wasn’t craven enough to think that her personal enjoyment was worth more than the survival of her entire species.

Little personal moral satisfactions aside though, she had to admit to herself that the cretinous little cowards who had helped spark off the war and then hidden themselves safely away from the maelstrom weren’t exactly the people she wanted to see determining the future of humanity.

With that thought, she realized she had made her decision all over again, the same judgment call she had made before the conflict even began. The voice of her sensei came drifting through the halls of memory.

“Remember, you are small and weak. The time for you to strike is when others have weakened each other with fighting. Your brain is your best weapon, you must use it!. Hide if you have to, wait until the time is right for you to strike. This way, your victory will be assured.”

“Well, I don’t know about assured,” she thought wryly to herself “but it just may be that I can give the good guys a fighting chance!” Her fingers played over the keypads in front of her, setting up a complex burn sequence that would take advantage of every gravitational slingshot she could find. When she finally settled back into her chair to await the first burn, she noted with satisfaction that her trajectory would put her in the Uranian system almost a full month ahead of the fleet. She didn’t believe in prayer, but at that moment she found herself uttering one.

“Please, let it be enough time, and just let it be enough!”

This story has had a rather long hiatus but i'm finally back to work on it. Sorry for the short chapter but it seemed appropriate.

Abby

Previously ---

“Remember, you are small and weak. The time for you to strike is when others have weakened each other with fighting. Your brain is your best weapon, you must use it!. Hide if you have to, wait until the time is right for you to strike. This way, your victory will be assured.”

“Well, I don’t know about assured,” she thought wryly to herself “but it just may be that I can give the good guys a fighting chance!” Her fingers played over the keypads in front of her, setting up a complex burn sequence that would take advantage of every gravitational slingshot she could find. When she finally settled back into her chair to await the first burn, she noted with satisfaction that her trajectory would put her in the Uranian system almost a full month ahead of the fleet. She didn’t believe in prayer, but at that moment she found herself uttering one.

“Please, let it be enough time, and just let it be enough!”

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James Bosphors sat in the mess hall casting glances at the newly minted Lieutenant Masters as she made a little moue of distaste with every spoonful of rice and beans before chewing and swallowing with a look of determination. He was glad to see the new air of self-confidence she was beginning to display but it made him feel even more hopeless. She was now his superior officer and no matter how much he wanted to approach her that had been made even less possible than before. He jerked his eyes away, suddenly afraid she would catch him looking at her and bolted down the remainder of his food before making his way out of the mess hall as quickly as possible.

He had a particular spot he liked to go to think, hidden behind one of the massive structural beams which held the giant ship rigid. There are always spaces on a ship which for some reason are unused and seldom if ever visited by anything other than maintenance bots and they are usually only known to a very few. He had been there for a very confusing half hour, thinking through every angle and coming repeatedly to the conclusion that he had no way to move forward. He would simply have to love from afar, unrequited…

The hand that came down on his shoulder very nearly caused him to scream from shock. He looked up and his shock deepened to see his captain standing there, proffering a handkerchief to wipe the tears he had been unaware were spilling from his eyes. He took it gratefully and went to stand but Captain Hunt sat beside him instead. For a moment she just wrapped an arm around his shoulders and let him get himself together.

“A matter has come to my attention James, and I need your help to resolve it.”

“With all due respect ma’am, I think you’ve come to the wrong person. I suck at issue resolution. Why me?” The disbelief was as plain in his voice as on his face.

Helen settled back against an intersecting support beam and adopted a look of relaxation, subtly inducing Bosphors to follow suit. “I find myself with an issue… not one that was unexpected, not one that hasn’t been considered by every military and corporation for centuries now. I’m sure I don’t have to quote the rules about fraternization to you of all people…”

“Ma’am I haven’t, wouldn’t… couldn’t even…” James realized he was crying again and the tears felt like burning shame to him.

“I know that James. You and I have served together for a very long time now and I know you to be a man of such honor that you took a demotion that rightly should have been handed to your worthless shit of a subordinate. I remember the young man who spoke at his classes’ commencement at the academy, standing in a downpour that could have drowned a frog and doing his duty nonetheless.” She put her arm back around his shoulders and drew him closer, feeling his slight resistance give way after a moment.

“I was proud of that kid and I’m proud of the man you have become but that still leaves me with a problem and its not just about you and Masters. Everything has changed James, and we have to change with it. We can’t just put you in separate command structures and deal with the issue that way because there aren’t any other commands.”

Helen continued before he could protest his honor again. ”I’m not telling you not to have a relationship with Sarah. At this point that would be a net negative for both of your productivity and overall usefulness at your posts, which have remained in both your cases beyond exemplary. I’m actually going to do the opposite and not just for you. The rules on that level have to change for everyone to adapt to reality.”

“I’m not used to feeling stupid Ma’am but I feel pretty stupid right now. What do you mean?”

Helen rose from her resting position, knelt in front of the still seated Bosphors and reached toward his collar before he could react, fiddling for a moment and coming away with his symbols of rank in her hands. He stared at them in disbelief. Had he just been demoted, or even worse separated from service?

Her words took a moment to penetrate his mental haze. “Look in the mirror Lieutenant.”

His gaze travelled upward to the small mirror she held in her hand and jerked to his collar where two silver bars sat. It was almost a full minute before he was able to process the image and realize what she’d said to him.

“I don’t deserve this ma’am. If this is just to clear the way for Sarah and me then I’d like my old insignia back please.”

She laughed at him and pocketed both mirror and insignia. “Gods you’re a stiff one. Just like your uncle. This isn’t to clear the way for you two, although you do have my blessing and that’s a part of what I mean about having to change the rules about that sort of thing. This is about me undoing an injustice I couldn’t do anything about at the time and giving you back something that is yours by right. Your rank and so much more was taken from you by your own sense of honor and the blind idiocy of a command structure too overloaded with power hungry assholes.”

She sighed and sagged a little to rest on her heels, still kneeling. “It is beyond my power to do anything about the rest of what they did to you but this one small act of atonement… this I can offer. For the rest, I need your help.”

“Ma’am I…”

“Please stop calling me ma’am in private James… Jimmy. I changed your diapers when you were a baby. When its just us, I’m Helen, or Aunt Helen if you feel like being all formal about it. I wish I knew what happened that bubbly boy I hugged goodbye when I went off to the academy.”

James shook his head. “He grew almost 3 feet taller and 300 pounds heavier in a little over 2 years. I was this size by the time I hit 13 and as uncoordinated as a spastic octopus. I broke things just moving around, hurt people without intending to… so I withdrew. Mom helped some, she taught me to dance before she died. Mother took over after that, taught me martial arts and fencing and I learned to not just randomly destroy everything around me but… Mom dying destroyed Mother. It was years before she finally came out of it and even that was only because Elissa came back into her life. By that time I was at the Academy so saw very little of either of them in person since Mother and Steph had moved to Mars to be with Elissa and her family in Hale city.”

“Then the war happened and…” he shook his head. “I had my duty and it kept me alive.”

“And now you’re becoming a little more alive, learning to have feelings again and you don’t know how to handle it, right?”

“Yes ma... Helen. I’ve never had a relationship before and I don’t have the beginnings of a clue how to go about it. I’m too scared to even talk to her when we’re not on shift together. I’m afraid I’ll do something wrong, frighten her, maybe hurt her by mistake. I might be better coordinated but I’m still… This…” he gestured at his own bulk.

“Just… go talk to her. We’ll deal with rewriting the rules later but for now there’s no rule on this ship against you two having a relationship. There’s so little happiness left in this world Jimmy… we have to hold every scrap of it dear. “

Previously

“Yes ma... Helen. I’ve never had a relationship before and I don’t have the beginnings of a clue how to go about it. I’m too scared to even talk to her when we’re not on shift together. I’m afraid I’ll do something wrong, frighten her, maybe hurt her by mistake. I might be better coordinated but I’m still… This…” he gestured at his own bulk.

“Just… go talk to her. We’ll deal with rewriting the rules later but for now there’s no rule on this ship against you two having a relationship. There’s so little happiness left in this world Jimmy… we have to hold every scrap of it dear. “

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And now…

Mikhail lay there trying to take his mind off the maddening itching but the only distraction he could find was the other occupant of his ward. He tried not to stare at their face, so innocent, beautiful and wide eyed, even beneath the rapidly yellowing bruises. He had heard the doctors and nurses discussing the tests they were running on the person he now knew was named Stacy and had enough medical knowledge to understand what they were talking about. He was also intensely aware that to his mind and quite obviously to his physiology the gender status of this person mattered not even a little. Discovering that they were actually 19 had eased his conscience quite a bit though, he was beginning to wonder if he was one of those people who were attracted to children.

He was unaware that Stacy was sneaking quick glances at him and trying to figure out why she(he?) found his face so fascinating. She tried to memorize the planes and angles that made up the image which draw her eyes and made her pulse quicken. As she lay there with her eyes closed she suddenly had a realization. Her father had always told her she(He?) was a boy and having no real reference she had taken it at face value… after all she did have the parts boys were supposed to have.

She could no longer think of herself as a boy, as a male. She wasn’t quite sure when or how that had happened but maybe it was the fact that she finally admitted she also had all the parts girls were supposed to have. She didn’t resent her body for being both things, had no desire to change it… but within her own mind and soul she was female and she was suddenly quite clear about that. With that realization came another… That what she was feeling toward Mikhail was attraction, sexual attraction.

It was another of those things she had no personal reference point for, never having actually experienced it. She had been waiting for him to say something but he still had not spoken to her, nor her to him. With a sudden surge of determination she broke the verbal stalemate.

“I would scratch that itch for you if I could Mikhail but I’m afraid we are in the same boat on that level. The doctor said it should only be another day before we can switch to removable braces.” She waited for a response. “I would like to be able to see your face better” she paused and then forged ahead “I find it a quite attractive face.” She was sure her blushing would catch the sheets afire.

“You need to get your eyes checked.”

“Ah, finally the mystery Marine speaks! Tell me, Mikhail, if I said I saw a face that was just a bit too angular to be called classically handsome and a nose that belongs on a man half again his size, would you deny I am looking at you?”

Mikhail had to take a moment to decide whether or not he should pretend to be insulted but truth won out. “No, that is a fair description. I cannot fathom why someone as beautiful as you could consider such a face attractive though.”

“Because you have lovely lips and a kindness that shows in those astonishing eyes. Maybe I have no real idea why. Does it matter?”

“I don’t suppose it does, no. How are you dealing with… finding out about yourself?” Mikhail winced, sure he’d been rude.

“Its ok to ask. Do you mind if I call you Misha?”

“Not at all. My sister called me that when we were little. It has… very pleasant memories attached to it. In fact I think I would prefer if you called me by that name.”

“Misha, then. Its ok to ask, I have been thinking about it a lot. My father raised me to be a boy and I never thought any different until now but its like the rest of me is here now somehow. I was less than half a person and now I think I am becoming whole…”

“Do you have a preference of pronoun?”

“She/her, etc… In my mind I am and I think always have been female but I have no desire to change my body. I am apparently both, and that thought doesn’t bother me. I am afraid it will cause some difficulty in finding someone to love however.”

“If I am any guide, I do not think that will be a problem.”

Stacy didn’t reply to that and they both fell into silence.

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Sarah Masters had just finished eating and made her way back to her quarters. She took a quick shower and was just toweling her hair off while dressed in a comfortable warm robe, enjoying the time to relax for a few minutes. She poured herself a double shot of ship’s vodka and settled in to review some specs on her proposed upgrades to the weapons systems when the admittance chime from her hatch rang through the compartment.

“Enter.” She responded to it without thinking and the hatch slid aside to reveal James Bosphors standing there with a Ficus tree which had been exquisitely bonsaied and woven around itself. She motioned him inside, admiring his gift and exclaiming about the time and effort it must have taken to coax it into such beautiful simplicity. It wasn’t until she was staring at how his smile made the corners of his eyes crinkle that her gaze fell on his collar and she noticed the new insignia.

“You finally got your proper rank back! I’m so happy for you James… everyone thought it was so unfair, the way you were treated because of that worthless little piece of shit admiral’s son.”

He stared at her in surprise, still unable to bring himself to speak.

“I was only a year behind you at the Academy James. We all knew you got fucked over for saving Reynaud’s life and yet you still covered for him. We all knew why you did it and admired you for it… But no one grieved when his helmet popped open on an EVA.”

“I did.” James thought about just leaving those words out there but from the expression on Sarah’s face he felt he needed to explain. “He should never have been at the academy in the first place. Oliver was an artist, with the soul of an artist, being forced into a military mold he wasn’t suited for. He was brilliant but not in the ways that being a naval officer requires. Remember he was in sickbay for a week after that little incident?”

Sarah nodded, amazed at the depth of emotion in the large man’s voice. “It wasn’t the incident that did that, it was his father. The man beat him unmercifully for failing to live up to his own standards of absolute perfection. Came all the way down from the Octagon to do it… and it wasn’t the first time. He was absolutely miserable so it wasn’t a surprise that he decided to end it one day. I might have done the same in his shoes.”

“So I grieved for him, and felt guilty because I should have been able to help him and I couldn’t. I was his squad leader and he was my responsibility… I failed him. I understand why everyone felt the way they did but I couldn’t say anything… he’d begged me not to. Best I could do was fudge the report and make it look like the sealant collar was faulty… save a little bit of honor for him.”

James hadn’t realized he was crying until he felt a finger wipe the tear from beneath his eye. The tender gesture was followed by a surprisingly strong hug from the much smaller woman.

“I feel guilty now, that I thought of him the way I did…”

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault. His father poisoned that well long before we came through those gates. The only guilt there is his father’s for doing that to him and mine for not being able to save him.”

“I don’t think any of that guilt belongs to you James. His father was a monster. Now come sit, and tell me what you came here to talk about.” She led him over to a loveseat that barely managed to contain both of them and busied herself pouring him a drink while refreshing her own.

When she handed him the glass he just held it, looking at it like it contained the answers to the universe. It was a long moment before he was able to speak. “I’ve been dealing with this problem for the last while now. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you about the rules around fraternization and that sort of thing… but I have fallen in love with you Sarah.” She tried to speak and he hushed her.

“You know me well enough to know that I could never do anything about it… but that has changed now. The captain spoke to me a while ago, said the rules have to change… and she ordered me to come tell you this, how I feel, and that if you want to we can…”

His words were cut off as a pair of lips met his own with a gentle touch. “Stop talking James. If you’re still in that uniform in 30 seconds I’m getting a pair of scissors!”

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Jeff was, as had become his normal routine, running through the ship, trying to tire himself out enough to sleep. His mind was a whirl of thoughts, conflicting emotions. He couldn’t seem to sleep without dreaming of the girl he had helped to rescue, the girl he had learned to his immense relief was 19 rather than the… much younger.. she had looked in his brief glimpses of her. The other things, the rumors that he heard… maybe they were the reason why in his dreams she wasn’t only female, why she was more. None of it explained to him why he found those ideas so bewitching. Sure he’d had girlfriends, once or twice, even had a relationship with a woman and another man so it wasn’t like he was hung up on his sexuality or anything. He realized as he became aware of his surroundings that he was approaching sickbay and slowed, taking a few moments to slow his breathing and wipe the worst of the sweat off with a towel. Before he realized it he was standing at the entrance to the ward she was in and staring at her face. Before he could move she spoke to him.

“You are the one who went out to bring me back. Thank you. May I know your name?”

He found himself walking inside as she spoke. “Its Jeff, ma’am. I’m just glad we were able to get you back in, it was a close-run thing. How are you feeling?”

“A little less like a martini thanks to you!”

She laughed at his blank look, wincing a little at a twinge of pain from her ribs. “You know, shaken, not stirred?”

He still looked lost. “Don’t worry about it, it’s a line from some old spy movies. The hero spy guy always ordered his martinis that way. I shouldn’t have teased you like that, I’m sorry.” She looked genuinely contrite.

“You can tease me anytime you like, I don’t mind.” Jeff felt his face heat as soon as he realized what he’d said and turned on his heel, vanishing down the corridor without hearing Stacy’s soft reply.

“Wait…”

Hours later Stacy lay awake, listening to the sounds of breathing and machines around her and trying to understand her own reactions. She had found herself almost as powerfully drawn to Jeff as she had to Misha and it left her confused. She hadn’t reacted that way to the other men she had met since coming here so why these two? Why was she attracted to anyone at all? She knew they both knew about her dual nature and wondered if that was why they seemed drawn to her. Was she simply some sort of novelty or fetish to them? Would that always be what she had to deal with? Those and other questions were still running through her mind as she finally found comfort in the arms of Morpheus.

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Ted and Helen sat in her quarters sharing what had quickly become a regular time of discussion and a burgeoning friendship. In many ways he was the only one she could talk to about things because he wasn’t in her chain of command. Their agreement had made the clear distinction between military and civilian and even though he was serving in a quasi-military status as was his ship, it still left him as the only other ship’s captain around.

“I talked to Jimmy today. Hopefully he took what I said to heart and won’t leave Sarah’s quarters till morning…” She smiled over her glass at him.

“Jimmy? I take it there’s history between you and Bosphors then? Seems a bit young for you.” His tone made it clear he was teasing.

“Only a little bit. When we were younger he was almost like my little brother. I changed his diapers when he was little and hugged a cute bubbly kid goodbye when I went off to the academy. We hadn’t really had a chance to talk, just as friends… as much as that can be possible right now anyway… I hadn’t realized he’d had such a hard time of it. I didn’t even know his family was in Hale city when the war started.” A tear made its way down her cheek unnoticed.

“I hate this so much, that I have to be the one who has to be strong for everyone, that I can’t even grieve for people as dear to me as my own family was…”

“I seem to recall a little rant last night about how things have to change. You started that change today by helping someone who is dear to you. Did it compromise you as a Captain in any way? Do you think you will get less respect from either of them? Your crew would follow you into the bowels of hell itself if you simply asked them but just like you worry about them, they worry about you. It is clear to anyone who knows how to look that you are under tremendous pressure and you refuse to share any of it.”

“So now I’m a micromanager?”

“That’s not the right word and you know it Helen. You said it yourself, things have to change and the ways in which command responsibilities are shared has to be one of those changes. I’m not saying it has to be the sort of madhouse rockjack outfits can become but your crew are all stakeholders in this whole thing. Their efforts determine success or failure and they feel it as keenly as you. Just… acknowledge that more openly, interact with your crew more. I know you try but you have a tendency to wrap yourself in a little isolation bubble without even trying so people don’t approach you and it feeds the perception that you don’t want to be social.”

“I know I do that. I always have. I got into the habit of being alone at the academy and I suppose I never really learned how not to be again. That’s a part of what I meant about how things have to change. I was isolated because that’s the culture that was fostered there, each of us an island. I never thought that was the right way to run anything, much less a Navy… and now I have not just the opportunity but the obligation to fix that.”

“Not you, Madame President. Right now, you, as Captain, yes… but in the long run this is something so important to the future of human society that it should be decided upon by all of us. Once this war is over it all has to be rebuilt, an entire society, systems of self-government, all of it. We have the Mother of our new Solarian Republic or whatever we decide to call the thing but that’s it right now. Constitutional assemblies, elections, politics… all of it lies in the future.”

“That’s the key though Ted… it all lies in the future but right now I’ve got 2 of my bridge crew in a relationship and its right for them… but the old rules for navies do still have relevance. It has to be a balancing act and I have no idea where the balance lies.”

“Now you come to what I meant.” Ted grinned at her and shifted in his seat, enjoying the now fairly rare pleasure of not wearing his ersatz legs.

“Can’t you ever just say what you mean?” Helen returned his grin.

“Now what would be the fun in that? I’d be depriving myself of the pleasure of watching one of the finest minds I know pick a puzzle apart and figure out why she doesn’t have to solve it. Besides, I did say exactly what I meant, if you recall.” His grin had turned teasing.

“You are one seriously exasperating man, you know that?”

“One of my better qualities or so I’m told…”

“Just now I can think of another quality I’d prefer to take advantage of…” She leaned across to kiss him.

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Nimashet sat in her small cabin meditating upon the freight of knowledge she bore. Within her mind lay a terrible idea, one that would forever change warfare as humanity knew it. Like every advance in destructive technology before it was simply the next logical step, putting two things together to make one far more effective thing.

Hidden in the equations that made the limited artificial gravity technology available possible was the key to greatly amplifying it even though it came at a tremendous power cost. She had been preparing her paper for publication before the shadows of war began to loom over all of their lives and made such things… less important. When it became clear war was inevitable she felt justified in her decision to withhold her discovery even though she had secretly been certain someone else would follow the same apparently blind mathematical alley she had, make the same discovery.

That sense of justification had become seriously battered as she watched everything come apart while en route to another of her seemingly endless negotiations, had watched the reports of the horrific death toll and nearly lost herself in grief when she learned of the obliteration of her family in Hale City. Once she was able to be aware of anything but her loss she began to shadow the fleet which lay inert within the Saturnian system while the war raged on and ruin overtook humanity. Her carefully designed spying tools(For she was a very particular sort of diplomat) meant that she was aware of events aboard the ships, especially the “Flagship”.

What she learned sickened her on so many levels. The crews were being treated as little better than slaves, used for sexual gratification by their superiors and abused in unimaginable ways. Her patient observation had given her the determination to ensure their eventual destruction even though she quailed when she thought of the loss of innocent life that would entail. The majority of the crews were no more guilty of atrocities than she herself, possibly even less so for none of the deaths which had swept humanity nearly from existence were on their hands… their ships had never fired a shot in anger.

During that time she had taken her innocuous discovery and turned it into a monster. The energy provided by a multimegaton-yield explosion would do very little to a warship unless it was extremely close so battles in space had largely been fought with kinetic weapons and the very occasional missile that could penetrate the defensive fire created by those weapons. She created an array that could power itself from a thermonuclear explosion and generate intense fields of focused gravity, turning the bomb into a giant multidirectional Gamma ray laser(Graser). The energy transfer a ship would take from the impact of just one of those grasers should be enough to damage it, possibly severely. It still had to be fairly close, within 750,000 kilometers… but that was much more achievable than the 7,500 kilometers a simple bomb would require.

It would be enough to turn the tables, just barely. It might not ensure victory for the Hermes but it would ensure defeat for the traitors and that would have to be enough. If only her ship had a little more power available she could have used her discovery to greatly shorten the transit time to the Uranian system and thereby significantly improve the odds of something worthwhile surviving but the Universe loves irony and she had specifically chosen this ship for its low energy emissions which had required a smaller powerplant. So she meditated and worked on ways to improve on her designs so they could be put into production as quickly as possible and be as effective as she could make them. When she could no longer do either of those things she worked out, driving herself physically until exhaustion made her sleep.

Sleep was not welcome, however much she needed it. It always came with phantasms, images of Marta and their children as the bolide which destroyed Hale City stripped their flesh from their bones before their very bones crumbled and all that was left were the ghosts, begging her to tell them why she left them to die.

Previously…

Sleep was not welcome, however much she needed it. It always came with phantasms, images of Marta and their children as the bolide which destroyed Hale City stripped their flesh from their bones before their very bones crumbled and all that was left were the ghosts, begging her to tell them why she left them to die.

And Now

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Carolina curled into herself while she tried to stifle the sobbing. She had witnessed many horrible events in her time hiding in the crawlspaces and ventilation shafts of this hell that called itself a flagship but the gang rape and killing of a young male rating right there in the mess hall with cheering onlookers shouting suggestions had almost been enough to overcome her sense of self preservation and draw her out to try making a difference. In the end, as it always did, fear won out and she cowered in place, unable to even move from her vantage point for the hours it had taken.

Afterward she crawled to one of her hiding places in the ventilation system before the paralysis of fear overtook her again and cried for what seemed like days. She liked… had liked Alvin. He was one of the ones who left food and other things for her and he had kept her existence to himself until he gurgled out his last breath through a crushed throat.

In the past months she had seen her share of horrors, after all her own rape and attempted imprisonment had been the impetus for her to fake her own death by ejecting the body of a dead crewman from an airlock with smears of her own blood all around the inner side of the lock hatch. For some reason though, this one shook her especially hard. Alvin had been in what turned out to be the last graduating class of the Academy, one year before her. Tears turned to memories of her time in the Academy and she wondered just what sort of luck had drawn this particular ship for her middie cruise.

On the one hand, she had seen and experienced things that no one should have to and was not at all certain that she would see the end of any given day. On the other hand, had she been assigned to any but one of these 12 or the Hermes she wouldn’t be alive to worry about it. In another few months it might not matter anyway. Still, she could plan and do little things that might help tip the balance when the time came even if she wasn’t still alive to act.

With that thought she went back to her latest project, patiently tapping the control runs from the bridge and from engineering and putting her own cutovers in place. She was careful to monitor her perimeter to avoid being surprised and to conceal her alterations in ways that would ensure they remained undetected unless someone physically followed a control run completely from end to end… a job that would almost never be even attempted outside of a dock during refit. Even then it might go unrecognized, so nearly invisible were her alterations. She might have been going through the Academy and entering the ranks of officers but her parents had both been yard dogs and she knew tricks borne of their combined decades of experience.

One way or another, the madman who had styled himself an “Admiral” and instituted the reign of terror that resulted in her current predicament would die with the madness he helped generate. She would make sure of that.

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Ravi had always thought of his small size as a disadvantage but the past few months had taught him other truths. Had he been any larger he wouldn’t be curled up in this comfortable little nest behind a false bulkhead in the ventilation system, as safe as he could manage to make it. He wondered about the compartment’s other occupant as she slept, for they always slept in shifts and monitored their surroundings, one ready to wake the other for a fast escape if needed. Their lives were not comfortable by any means but at least they weren’t being brutalized and enslaved like the majority of the lower ranking personnel aboard ship… those that were still alive anyway.

Siobhan seemed to have resented him bitterly in the beginning, afraid that he would inadvertently reveal her presence and get them both caught to suffer an all too imaginable fate. Ravi thought he understood her fear and for the first 3 months they had studiously avoided the other until she finally admitted that she needed help when he found her injured in a ventilation crawlway. Fortunately it had only been a severe sprain and a little tape and TLC sufficed to treat it but for several days she relied on him for most things and her antipathy began to ease. It had taken time and cooperation to buff off some of the rough edges and she could still flay him verbally for the simplest things but they had come to depend on each other.

If he were charitably inclined Ravi might be tempted to think of it as some bizarre version of friendship but the truth was that he didn’t like her very much either. They tolerated the other’s presence, even needed it in many ways but he knew as little about her as she did about him on a personal level. That was just… out of bounds. He knew it was a defensive mechanism on both their parts but her defenses were barbed and vicious where his were more passive and hidden beneath a layer of calm fearlessness he’d learned to assume when he was young. Beneath of course, he was anything but calm or fearless. He didn’t remember a moment since the whole thing began that he hadn’t been either terrified half out of his mind or on the ragged edge of bursting into tears. He didn’t like what he thought that said about him and the sort of man he was, though an observer might have disagreed with his opinions.

He was planning their next series of alterations to the control runs while she slept, waiting for her to wake so they could get to work. This work period they were to install a series of essential cutovers that would deprive anyone else of access to the ship’s control systems. He’d been raised by his family who were all yard dogs and the men of the family were uniformly rather imposing, hard men with hard lives and a hard edged view of the world. She was a genius with computers and control systems and between them they had succeeded in making alterations that were almost undetectable even with close examination.

Once they had the cutovers done they could install filters that would allow them access to the comms systems aboard ship and allow them to filter what incoming traffic was seen by the actual crew. It was their hope that at least one of the other ships had “rats in the plumbing” like them who had similar ideas and intentions and that they would be able to make contact, coordinate their activities when the time came and thereby maximize the damage they could inflict. That would require even more caution and they had time as long as they remained free but in the event they were captured today’s work would ensure that their existing plans went forward without further action required on their part.

Either way they both expected to die and oddly enough it was the one thing neither of them thought to protest, even in their own minds. They hadn’t talked about it but he had wondered just why he was so fearless in the face of the ultimate terror when he was always frightened of everything else. It didn’t make sense to his rational mind but emotionally he was quite clear about it.

Siobhan’s eyes snapped open and darted around the compartment before she moved. She always awoke that way and Ravi wondered just what sort of horror had occupied her dreams to make the normally angry and aggressive woman look just as frightened as he usually felt.

“Good morning Siobhan.” They might not have been friends but politeness was a deeply ingrained part of who he was and it had tempered her responses to a degree.

His reward was a frosty “Ravi.” before she made her way to the corner of the compartment that held their toilet arrangements and he tried not to listen to her morning eliminations. There was nothing to be done about the even more unpleasant than normal smell the food concentrate gave to their excretions though. He was glad he’d already eaten before she woke as the smell certainly would have deadened his appetite otherwise. She ate on a similar schedule for the same reason but all the shortcomings of their food were overcome by the simple fact of its existence. They eked out enough to keep them both healthy but were very careful about their pilfering, keeping it as close to random as possible to avoid detection

Once she finished she hastily sealed the waste container for later disposal and readied herself for the day’s work, joining him outside the shelter where he had retreated to wait out the siege. As was usual, she simply set off in the direction of their work without so much as a word or even a glance of recognition. Her eyes flicked past him like he was part of the bulkhead rather than another person and he carefully restrained his sigh to make it simply seem like a long exhalation before following in her wake.

They were halfway through their self-appointed tasks and making their way from one site to another when Siobhan uttered the second word of her day as she sat and pulled a ration cube from her pouch. “Lunch” she said with an air of profound disdain before nibbling at the edges of the cube in a way that reminded him of a rabid chipmunk. He followed suit and nibbled in a similar way. The nutrient cubes were dense enough to make it the only practical way to eat them short of rehydration and the taste wasn’t terrible…

It was, he mused, a good deal like Siobhan. Barely palatable but indispensable. He didn’t expect her to speak to him again unless she had a biting comment but those had eased a great deal as both of them realized how well their talents integrated into a more effective unit and they learned from each other. Ravi had always been a quiet sort even as a child but his family was garrulous and loud and he’d found a sort of comfort in that. Sometimes Siobhan’s silence felt like a living thing all its own, eating the things he might have wanted to say and leaving bitter ashes in his mouth.

Any way he felt about it, talking would only get him shut down so he had given up trying aside from bidding her good night and good morning. That at least won him a word or two each day and that simple thing… a word from another human that didn’t make him want to flee in terror… most days anyway… it helped stave off the crushing loneliness. Ravi’s musing made him smile slightly and he caught the barest eyeflick of notice from her. That was expected, Siobhan didn’t miss much if anything but neither did he and he noted the second, longer glance she took too.

Neither of them actually belonged aboard this ship, having been aboard as contractors rather than crew since the last refit had been rushed. Their lack of official presence was the only thing that enabled them to vanish into the innards of the ship in the way that both had done. Other contractors hadn’t been quite so lucky and had vanished in other, less survivable ways at the hands of the crew or in at least 2 cases he knew of at their own hand. Ravi hadn’t been any closer to any of them than work required and Siobhan and he almost never had to work together directly but he didn’t recall her having been so hostile and silent before.

‘There isn’t much point in wondering about it.’ Ravi thought. ‘Its not like she’s going to tell me anything anyway. I wish I was stronger like she is. I’m so damned lonely…’ He went back to nibbling on his ration cube, too engrossed in his own thoughts this time to notice her sidelong observation of his face and the dour expression he now wore.

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Siobhan awoke with her usual sudden alertness, swept the area visually to ensure there were no threats and responded to Ravi’s polite greeting with her own frosty acknowledgement before making her way to their makeshift toilet arrangements to relieve herself of the noisome remains of the hated food-cubes. She’d tried mouth breathing and even just breathing the stink in and going for olfactory fatigue but it never seemed to kick in so it was just suffer through it and close it up as quickly as possible afterward. When she emerged she discovered that Ravi had absented himself from their hiding space entirely to avoid the stench, an altogether sensible precaution.

Without thinking further of it she set off down the passage toward their first piece of work for the day and he followed. She was able to lose herself in the work once they began but during their passages from one place to another there was nothing to do except be alert and think. A part of her was perfectly happy to stick to practical matters and planning but there was another part that hated the progress she’d lost. So much time trying to overcome her social issues, learning to respond in the ways people expected and make human contact… all seemingly vanished overnight along with her world.

In some ways she was actually worse off than before because when she did venture to speak it never came out the way she meant it. The warmest tone she seemed to be able to manage was frosty and the words that came first to her tongue were at best biting, at worst abusive. She didn’t want to further alienate Ravi, he was her lifeline even if he didn’t realize it. The end result was that she said almost nothing to him and he gradually stopped trying to draw her out at all. She wanted it to be different but who would be able to understand why she was the way she was and put up with it?

Siobhan stopped and sat, breaking out a ration cube. She examined it closely as she always did with her food, making certain there were no signs of spoilage or tampering. Once assured that it was undamaged she tried to find some merit in it aside from survival value and failed as she always did. She ventured her second word of the day at that point and immediately regretted it. Had she let too much of her dissatisfaction with the fare show through in her tone? Ravi did more of the pilfering because he was simply better at it and she didn’t want him to think she was ungrateful for the food.

She tried to focus her thoughts back on the tasks ahead as she nibbled at the cube but found herself casting quick glances over at Ravi as he followed suit, looking for some sign of his disapproval. She noticed a small smile and thought how much happier he looked that way but by the time she looked over again his face had settled into a dour expression.

They sat there together yet not and Siobhan wished again that she was able to recapture some of her lost social skills. Alas, they seemed just as dead as most of humanity.

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As the Earther fleet made its way out of the Saturn system and was irrevocably committed to a course that would keep them away for quite a long while signs of activity returned to the rings and moons. Saturn was still far enough out to have attracted far less settlement activity than Jupiter and so had only a fraction of the larger planet’s habitants even though it had escaped the devastation of the war largely untouched. The 2 small shipyards hadn’t really merited any attention from the fleet since they were both in very inconvenient positions to attack and thus were unmarred and none of the settlers or miners wished to attract attention.

Activity did continue of course, it had to. Volatiles had to be extracted, foods had to be grown, air regenerated… all of the myriad things that made life in space possible. Most communications had shifted to whisker laser rather than radio when possible and radio signals were deliberately as low powered as practical. People and cargo moved about, although with much more attention paid to stealth and much longer transit times than might have been the case otherwise.

With the departure of the fleet the need for stealth had passed and activity resumed at a frenetic pace. The Saturnians hadn’t been idle while hiding, far from it. They’d spent the time stockpiling raw materials, creating components and even prefabricating portions of ships, hiding them amongst the endless clutter of the giant’s influence until the time came to assemble them. Their original plans had not included the fortuitous departure of the Earth fleet and they found themselves taking up the slack they created fairly quickly. A month after they boosted out a new shipyard began assembly of the first of a new class of ship.

The Fleet Strike Carriers of the Earth Navy were impressive ships but had their flaws, one of them being their lack of power relative to their mass. The new class was much more heavily armored and armed and hence more massive but mounted engines many times more powerful so more than made up that deficit. The craft they would carry would follow the same design principles, lessons hard won through frontier life and the lives of untold spacers slaughtered in the war. These craft would in turn have their own flaws but for now they were a vast improvement on the previous state of the art.

The initial construction estimate meant they could actually get two ships out to the Uranus system faster than the Earther fleet to lend aid to the Hermes and her crew. Activity was frantic in all quarters as along with the carriers all of their attendant craft had to be built. Once the activity was in full swing for the week a reassessment was done and it was decided that the fighters and other craft would largely be assembled en route and the resources for that diverted to carrier construction. That would allow double the fleet size although there would be a pulse effect which meant the following ships would become available at a reduced but far more sustainable rate of construction.

Crewing them would be a bit more problematic but there were many refugee spacers who were more than happy to sign up for a chance to support a fight for something they actually believed in. Many of them had been adrift in important ways and they now found their moral compass pointed in directions they had been taught were soft and effete, to be scorned and hated. The hard lessons of survival taught them that a pure social Darwinist view of the world was a good way to die a rather unpleasant and lonely death and they adopted the frontier way of living with enthusiasm.

One determination common to all was that the Saturnian system never be subject to a foreign power again. Set against the might of prewar Earth it would have been laughable but now everything was different and they would be in a position of power within just a year or two. They even found themselves able to lend aid to the Uranian system in a significant way and that would help to establish 2 power centers. Beyond that the Belters would recover quickly and add to the mix but the balance of power as things stood meant that Earth was no longer in the ascendant.

No one really had a clue how many survived the last days of the war and observation from outside wasn’t practical with the entire planet wrapped in a layer of cloud laced with ash and soot that obscured the sun just as effectively as it hid the ground from their instruments. Estimates ranged from 2 billion down to a few million though the consensus was somewhere in the middle. There wasn’t a great deal that could be done to help them just yet partly due to distance and partly due to a relative ignorance of conditions or population loci. At this point drops of food and medicine with other survival gear were the sole aid that could be rendered and those were sent from all over the solar system as various populations reorganized themselves and a degree of functional society was re-established. It would be some time before they would begin to arrive but for anyone remaining alive on Earth they would be welcomed.

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Chandra made his way through the dimly lit tunnels of Low Delhi, trying his best to look unhurried and calm while his mind raced with speculation about why his mother had called him to attend her audience. The food reports were better than they had been a month ago and they were back to making some of the most basic medicines but the power project was moving more slowly than he’d hoped it would. Still, there was good news on that front as well so what could it be?

The checkpoint procedures occupied his mind for a moment, as did a bit of pleasant chat with the lovely young woman who checked his ID chit before handing it back with a smile and a sweep of her eyes down his lanky frame. Sometimes he resented those assessing looks from women and not a few men but this was definitely not one of those times. That was good since it eased his frame of mind a bit for the next checkpoint which was never any fun. Rajit would be there with his perennial glares of disapproval and a rough hand with the pat down for his “pretty boy” little brother who he considered “unmanly” for choosing the life of an academic over that of a soldier.

He was surprised when not only was Rajit not at the checkpoint but the pat down was even… well less painful than normal anyway. Still another checkpoint later and he was ushered into her office by a smiling young woman who made an effort to hide her glances at him as she ducked out and left the two of them alone in the room.

“Hello mother.” Chandra couldn’t think what else to say so he stopped there and the pause drew into a silence between them while she studied his face.

“Rajit is dead.” The words fell into the silence and were consumed by the roaring in his ears as she sat and he watched her normally stern expression soften. He didn’t realize he’d followed suit until the young woman came back in and offered both of them tea before leaving again. He couldn’t think of anything to say in return so they sat there for a time sipping rapidly cooling tea.

“He led a coup attempt against me… the last of the old guard trying to reimpose military rule. They said they couldn’t trust our nation to a woman who was voted in by the weak…” She paused long enough to make him wonder if she was going to say anything more. “I’m making you Minister of the Interior”.

That was enough to penetrate the stunned haze surrounding his thoughts. “Mother, you know I don’t like to be in a public role. Why are you doing this?”

“Chandrasekhar, you are my only surviving son. You have been project engineer for six months now and we have food enough for all, are beginning to make medicines… you know the list better than I do but I am informed you even have good news on the power project, yes?” She barely waited for his affirmative nod before plunging on. “The people trust you Chandra, more than they do me. I was simply the highest ranked official left in the chain of succession when it all came crashing down but you are the one who has been the driving force behind what we have achieved.”

“You have to get over it my son. You are beautiful, more than I ever was. Women desire you and men are jealous of you and none of them realize how much a curse you consider it. If this were a different time you would be deluged with offers to be a model or movie star or something like that but I for one am glad that your mind is even more beautiful than your appearance.”

“But…” he groped for words “ I hate being in public…”

“I know you do Chandra but this isn’t about your likes and dislikes or mine. You are the right person for the job and I am not giving you the option of turning it down. I need you looking your best for the swearing in ceremony later this afternoon but as of now you are acting Minister.” She rose and crossed over to caress the side of his face. “I love you Chandra and I would not set you a task if I did not have full faith in your ability to do it as well as it can be done. Now come and have some lunch before you go prepare and I will answer your questions as I can.”

Previously

“But…” he groped for words “ I hate being in public…”

“I know you do Chandra but this isn’t about your likes and dislikes or mine. You are the right person for the job and I am not giving you the option of turning it down. I need you looking your best for the swearing in ceremony later this afternoon but as of now you are acting Minister.” She rose and crossed over to caress the side of his face. “I love you Chandra and I would not set you a task if I did not have full faith in your ability to do it as well as it can be done. Now come and have some lunch before you go prepare and I will answer your questions as I can.”

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And Now

“Higalik, respond.” She jerked her mind away from the task at hand to answer the latest demand for her attention.

“What do you want now, father? Can’t you tell I’m busy with this section?”

“Yes daughter, I know you are busy. I also know your brother has been calling you to come in for dinner for nearly an hour now and you are being disrespectful to him by not coming to eat. You are already ahead of schedule on that segment and it will be there once you’ve eaten and slept. Now stow your tools and come inside.”

Higalik thought about disregarding his words for a moment but she realized she really was exhausted and merely sighed while stowing her tools and securing her work area. Once finished she made her slow deliberate way toward the rock her family called home and the increasingly attractive prospect of a meal cooked by her brother. During the long slow drift of the ½ kilometer that separated her workspace from home she ran over the specs for the day’s work in her mind, checking off each task she had completed and verified. Her father was correct, she was nearly a full workday ahead of her schedule for the week even with double and triple checking every step in the process.

She wasn’t competing with anyone else, only with her self-imposed deadlines and she consistently came in under her time target. Her family could supply her with subassemblies faster than she could manage to use them if they worked flat out but they had a sense of each other’s pace and there was usually a 2 day supply ready to go at any point. Their parents used the time to do other essential chores around the habitat but her brother spent most of his free time growing and preparing an amazing variety of foods which made mealtimes one of the true pleasures in the entire family’s day. She was glad her father was there to help her shed her suit and inspect it minutely while cleaning it before charging all consumables to maximum in preparation for the next day.

It would be reinspected before its next use of course, that much was basic safety procedure and something not even a young child would forego unless there was no choice. The relatively fast but painstaking process gave her ample time to savor the aromas of her brother’s cooking and the quick shower only sharpened her anticipation. She could tell that part of it involved fish but that much was almost a given with the limited protein sources available so no surprises there but he did strange and exotic things to the foods he grew or traded for and every meal was a delightful surprise to the senses.

Once they made their way into the dining area the food was already being served and they greeted the night’s guests while taking their seats. Once everyone was served her father signaled for attention by rapping lightly on his glass and rose.

“We welcome travelers and friends to share our bounty and the talents of our chef, my son. Kunik, could you let everyone know what we’re eating tonight?”

Her brother launched into his description of the foods and how he’d prepared them but as usual Higalik’s mind wandered and she found herself contemplating things to come. Within a few weeks it would be time for her to depart for her shipboard posting on an as yet unnamed ship and it was a daunting prospect. She wasn’t worried about her technical skills but living together with that many people was a complete unknown to her. She didn’t have the easy way of communication her brother enjoyed and even though she functioned well as part of a team in that context she had never been very good at making friends.

Kunik had the advantage over her in that way, before the war he’d gone off to culinary school in Valley City with its 20 million inhabitants and gotten more exposure to other people and cultural backgrounds than she had during her own stay in engineering school at Archangelsky University with its population of researchers and students. The isolated university was home to just over 50,000 people at any one time but it was so large that one could literally go for days without seeing another person if they wanted to and all in shirtsleeve comfort in the giant caverns. She missed the University and the student life but even there she had been fairly isolated by the demands of her course of study and the way she pushed herself to complete her degree.

Soon she would embark on a ship that carried over 4 thousand crew and spend months in close quarters with others assembling fighters, bombers and all the various craft that made a carrier into the formidable ship it would be when completed. Her family would remain here building subassemblies for later ships and sending them off to the next habitat for final component assembly while Kunik took students in and taught them the finer points of the culinary arts. The new habitat section for the students and the restaurant they would staff had already been finished before the war but had remained unused until now even though it would likely be by far the most profitable of the family’s business ventures to date.

“Chef Kunik, how did you manage to make this? I know it is fish but the texture and the undertones are earthy and yet still so light I almost expect it to run away from my fork! This is the best thing I’ve tasted in ages!” The older gentleman whose name she hadn’t retained was gesticulating with his silverware as he spoke. “Ilya told me about your cooking when you were in school together but this is so far beyond what I imagined!”

“Your daughter is one of the finest minds I’ve ever met Mr. Zherinski and I am honored to have you both at my table. I must admit I harbored some faint hope that she would survive the recent unpleasantness and perhaps remember who I was one day but to have the whole family here and intact was beyond my dreams! All of you are welcome at my family’s table and in our hearts for as long as you wish to remain and please, I am just Kunik.”

“Then I am just Valery. The welcome you extend to such poor expatriates as ourselves humbles me and on behalf of my family I thank you and your family. I understand you will be opening the hotel and restaurant as soon as the first wave of ships depart, yes?”

Kunik frowned and paused for a moment before replying. “The added rooms are intended as quarters for students who will also staff the restaurant. I wouldn’t know how to run a hotel sir, um Valery… its not something I’d considered. Perhaps at some point in the future, once I have acquired sufficient funding for such a venture, I would be willing to think about collaborating with someone experienced in the field.”

“And what would you say if the funding and expertise became available now?” Valery was leaning forward with eagerness, food almost forgotten.

“I…” Kunik stopped and stared at his plate, eyes flicking up at each of his family members in turn. “I would say I have to examine any such proposal and discuss it with my family. If the proposal was suitable and the family agreed that we all wished to move forward we would most likely accept.”

“Your caution and concern for your family is commendable Kunik. Since this is to be a family decision perhaps we can all discuss the details once we have finished your superb meal, yes?” Valery leaned back into his seat and refocused on the food in front of him, making noises of appreciation as he ate.

The previously quiet conversation became more animated as the night grew older and dish after dish was served to the noisy acclaim of the gathered diners. The other guests got into the conversation and by the time they all sat sipping an after-dinner cordial the mood was quite convivial. The other diners took their leave and departed for their various craft to sleep off the meal before departing the following morning and the two families collaborated to make the cleanup a breeze, settling in at the now-cleared table for discussion.

Higalik watched the conversation and contributed as she was able but the whole thing was at a remove for her in many ways. She would not be present for any of the things they were discussing past the initial construction stages and she would have very little input past the design stage anyway. She saw the interaction between Kunik and Ilya and was sure that they had been far more than friends during his years in Valley City. She was glad for him but wondered why she had never managed to make that sort of connection with anyone.

She gave her assent to the proposal when the details were hammered out and sat there sharing a celebratory drink with the families, now business partners and quickly becoming friends as well. She was preoccupied through a large part of it, musing on what her future might hold. Once the war was finished there was really nothing other than people to tie her to this place and though she loved her family dearly and the prospect of being away for extended periods was daunting she found herself wondering if a naval career might suit her. One thing was certain, there would be navies and the political units which fielded them would ensure a more equal balance of power amongst the various governments by virtue of strong militaries.

She’d shared her thoughts with her family before volunteering and they were lukewarm about the idea, wanting her to come home once the war ended but in the end they did admit that whatever career she chose would be stunted if she remained. They understood her reasons for wanting to volunteer in the first place since they had all done so when the war began but when the selection committees published their results only she had been chosen. It was amazing to think such a small nation could be choosy about whom they accepted to serve but it made sense when everything else was considered. She’d spent quite a great deal of time trying to determine the logic behind the decisions but it finally congealed into an unpleasant truth.

They were essential to continued production and social function while she was… expendable. That didn’t mean her life was without value, far from it. If anything her life was put at a premium by comparison and if spent she had had every confidence the price would be quite dear to an opponent. Once she truly understood she decided that the decision had been correct. She was the one who was best equipped emotionally, by training and inclination and in practically every other way, to go and do what needed doing. Higalik wasn’t sure how she felt about it exactly, it was very strange to think that she might be killing and possibly dying in the not too distant future but for some reason the idea held no particular fear for her. The idea of leaving her family behind to grieve upset her more but even that simply reinforced her determination to give her absolute best at all times.

If her family was to mourn her it would be in a place of honor.

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Kunik watched his sister during and after the meal and saw how she reacted, or more appropriately didn’t react to the conversation and the changes it heralded. He’d watched her change from the happy younger sister he remembered into the serious and studious workaholic she’d become and hoped that university would help her to open up some. When it came she chose Archangelsky University which was the best university for physics and engineering off of Earth but was also relatively isolated even from the smaller Hale City, much less the metropolis of Valley City he had enjoyed during their time on Mars.

Their parents had shared his hopes but were a little more realistic in their expectations so it was no real surprise to them when she continued as she had before, glued to her lessons and whatever project she was immersed in outside of that. They even realized, more than he had before now, just how much this was a part of her nature and how unlikely it was to change. Still, it felt to Kunik as though he had somehow let his sister down, especially since he was sitting right across the table from the woman he’d fallen in love with then, unexpectedly alive and with her entire family safe as well! He stole another glance at Ilya, their eyes meeting as they had done all evening and he felt again the warmth they shared even without physical contact.

Her father’s proposal was exciting and meant among other things that Ilya and he would have the chance to explore their relationship more deeply since the family would be occupying the space intended for students and staff until their own quarters could be made ready. They’d made light of it in the conversation but it was clear that the small ship had been far too cramped for the length of journey they had undertaken to get here and the family would be truly grateful for the opportunity to have privacy and space again. Kunik wondered again if he should invite Ilya to share his rooms and was still dithering when the two families left the table over the course of a few minutes, leaving just the three of them together.

Kunik tried to divine what he should do, his eyes darting from his sister to Ilya and back, one face almost grim under accustomed expressionlessness, the other calmly waiting, unhurried. His decision was made for him when Ilya rose, leaned over the table and kissed him soundly.

“Take some time, talk to your sister. I need a shower and I will see you when you’re finished, ok?” She straightened up and made her way out of the room, headed for the docking area to retrieve whatever she needed from the family’s ship.

Kunik watched her go, fighting with himself about how he should feel. He was elated that Ilya evidently intended to share his quarters yet felt guilty that his sister had no one to share that part of her emotional life. They’d shared almost everything growing up so he knew his sister was no prude but neither was she one to look for someone else, preferring to spend her time working.

“You don’t have to feel badly for me because you have someone.” Her words broke into his thoughts with her usual incisiveness, straight to the heart of the matter.

“I don’t know quite how to feel. I thought Ilya was dead, killed in the bombardment in Valley City and suddenly here she is with her family and they want to help us build something more than I’d ever considered and she still wants… I don’t know what she wants…” He looked back down at his hands.

Higalik remained silent and allowed him time to work through it for a moment. “The thing is I do feel badly for you… like somehow its my fault that you…” he trailed off again.

“That I’m a workaholic ice queen?” She smiled when his eyes jerked up to her face. “I’m not like you that way, we both know that. You make connections with people easily and I… well, I don’t, as much as I wish I did sometimes. That’s not your fault, not our parents fault. There is no fault in it at all, I’m just different in that way. I want you to be happy and if your happiness lies with Ilya then I am glad for you.”

“I just… feel selfish I guess. You’re getting ready to go away to war and I might never see you again and it doesn’t seem right, that I should have all this and you face that. I know better than to feel guilt over that part, we all volunteered and honestly, what could I offer a warship that someone else could not do better? Including someone like me would be a bad decision as long as there are better choices and not doing everything they could to get you would be a sin of omission.” Kunik ventured a smile of his own.

“I guess its just all really hitting home for me. I grieved for her when Mars was bombarded but it was buried amongst the emotional shock of so many people dying and it just kept going and then Earth and so much more… and then those evil bastards left to try to finish the Hermes. Suddenly there was room to breathe, to think about what I’d lost but I couldn’t…. There wasn’t room in my heart for anyone but the three of you….”

He sighed and wiped a tear from his cheek. “And then I discovered that one little portion, one selfish little portion, of my world was suddenly and inexplicably back and I’m so torn I don’t know whether to laugh or cry because I want to do both. It doesn’t feel right for me to so happy while you …”

Higalik broke in. “I am not unhappy brother. I don’t want you thinking that or feeling that your happiness is somehow at the expense of mine. I might not show my happiness in the same ways that you do but you have to realize that I find different joys in life. You know I would not have stayed here for very long if the war hadn’t come, we talked about this a few months after I got back from Mars and I told you I was considering signing up for one of the exploration ships.”

“I don’t think it ever occurred to me that you were less happy being home…” Kunik wasn’t sure how he should feel about that.

“I’m not unhappy brother, I told you that already.” Higalik paused and thought for a moment. “I love my family and my home, and I will no doubt come to love Ilya and her family but I need more than I can find or have here to be complete. I didn’t fully realize it until I forced myself to sit and seriously think about why all of my ambitions had me going elsewhere. I don’t know what I need yet but there’s no way I’m going to find out sitting here wondering about it, not that I could do that the way things are now anyway.”

Kunik thought about what she’d said for a few moments and realized she was right and more, that he knew it just as surely as she did. “Sometimes I wish I were more like you…” slipped out before he realized it. “I mean…”

“I know what you mean and I understand. Sometimes I wish I were more like you too. If nothing else it’d lower my chances of death from malnutrition…” she laughed and he felt the warmth of it in his bones.

“You know if you ever want to talk, I’m here, right?” Kunik searched his sister’s face for a response and was gratified to see a small smile.

“The same goes for you. Now enough talk, go join Ilya. You two have a lot of catching up to do and I don’t think she’d look kindly on me keeping you from it.” Kunik was surprised when she kissed his cheek lightly and murmured into his ear “Have fun brother…” before vanishing through the entryway with her usual quick, precise steps.

Kunik stared after her for a moment, trying to decide how he felt and unable to decipher the swirl of emotions fighting each other for dominance. With no clear answer in sight he let it go for the moment and rose, increasingly eager as he approached the entry to his rooms knowing Ilya would be there waiting for him and almost breathless with anticipation.

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Ilya exited the refresher with a glide in her step and almost purring with the pleasure of the first real shower she’d had in over 8 months. Sonic showers supposedly got you just as clean but there was nothing that could compare with the sybaritic pleasure of a cubicle pouring needle sprays of water as hot as she could stand it. A soak in a tub might have come close but there wasn’t time for that just now, not if she wanted to give Kunik a proper greeting instead of finding him asleep when she finished.

Her timing proved to be near-perfect as Kunik had just closed the hatch behind himself before turning to see her standing there in the refresher entrance in only a towel. She had to catch herself, she wanted to preen a little when she saw the raw desire smoldering in his eyes and it brought the banked coals of her own passion back to full, roaring flame. Somehow they had met in the middle of the room and his mouth was on hers…

Ilya woke to the sound of soft snores and the light scratching of chest hair against her face, taking a moment to savor the sensations before reluctantly moving to go to the refresher. Examining her reflection as she washed her hands she decided another shower was in order and was about halfway through when the door to the cubicle opened and Kunik joined her. They took the time to enjoy each other as well as the shower and by the time they were toweling each other off hunger made its presence known as her stomach rumbled, causing them both to laugh and focus on getting ready for the day. They both had quite a lot to do getting ready for future work, prepping new hab modules for installation once the design was finalized and making sure production didn’t slack.

Ilya wondered at the improbable stroke of fortune or foresight which had brought them to this point. Her father had gathered the family, even her older sister’s husband and actually tricked them into celebrating aboard his newly reconditioned ship. None of them realized they were underway rather than docked at Phobos Station until their trajectory was established and they were committed, without sufficient fuel to take any other realistic course. There had been screaming and crying and much in the way of recriminations until the sudden bombardment of Mars destroyed nearly everything they had held dear.

It took time to deal with it, to process all of the death and destruction and sometimes Ilya wondered if they truly had, if they weren’t in some odd form of functional denial that allowed them to survive without truly living. Whatever the truth was on that score she was thankful that of all the possible escape routes her father could have chosen this had been the one. He’d never said a word to her about their destination, only that it was in the Saturnian system. It was not until they arrived and she joined the family for the meal after a quick freshening up aboard ship that she saw Kunik’s face and her father’s smirk at her expression of shock.

The lingering gazes between them as they ate left no doubt that the fire between them was as hot as ever and by the time he made his way to what had suddenly become their quarters they were both more than ready to pick up a relationship they never wanted to break off in the first place. Kunik had been gentle as though he was afraid to touch her for fear of causing her pain until she took charge and put an end to any pretense at anything other than passionate, loving and even a little angry lust pent up for years and expressing itself in almost animalistic coupling. They’d both wanted so much to talk after but sleep borne upon the emotional exhaustion of such a long separation claimed them first.

Now they were both awake and alert and for the moment able to refrain from going directly back to bed and the time had come to speak of their future explicitly, not in the assumptions they had used previously. Ilya was just about to bring the topic up when a still naked Kunik turned around to face her and dropped to his knees with a ring box held open in his hand, facing her. Her pulse thundered in her ears such that she could barely hear his words and she had to sit suddenly, her legs having decided they would no longer bear her weight. Fortunately she sat back onto the bed rather than falling and after a moment she was able to hear Kunik’s words of concern. She assured him she was alright and fixed him with a stare, her eyes flicking back and forth between his face and the ring-box.

There were so many things she wanted to say but what came out was “Why now?”

Kunik grasped both her hands in one of his and looked into her eyes. “Because I was too stupid to ask you to marry me back on Mars. I had the ring, everything… but I was afraid. Afraid that your family would not accept a poor homesteader’s son, afraid that I was not good enough for you… afraid that you would say no. I lost my nerve, packed the ring in my things and was lifting for Phobos Station within an hour of the commencement ceremony. I am sorry I hurt you but then I thought it was for the best…”

Ilya was beyond angry at this point and her tone made him wince and lower his gaze. “For the best?! You thought it was for the best!?!?!? Who the fuck do you think you are to tell me what is best for me?! You go and leave me without a word, nothing! All this time I just thought you didn’t want me, didn’t want to be with me…” Anger gave way to tears. “And now this, to find out it wasn’t even that, just you not having enough faith in me to know that I loved you and none of that mattered…”

“I am so sorry Ilya but please try to see it from my perspective. Your parents and their parents are born of money and power. You have never known anything but wealth and privilege and I… I am nothing, a servant to prepare food for such as they, for such as you…” Tears were streaming down his face and despite her hurt and anger she felt her compassion and love grow. “What could I offer to you? My family is poor, we have nothing but this rock we live in and what we can make or grow for ourselves. I could never ask you to leave all of that and come to live with a poor Inuit family in the middle of nowhere so I saved us both the pain that trying and failing would create. You deserved… deserve… better than me but I will not be so stupid as to again miss an opportunity to ask the woman I love to marry me. To forgive me.”

He was so pitiable at the start, talking about how he felt unworthy but as he continued she saw the strength he rarely showed and truly understood that he had taken a path of heartbreak for himself in order to clear the way for her to have the sort of life he thought she should. Ilya reached out and cupped his cheek in her palm, bringing him close to kiss him lightly.

“I want to marry you Kunik. I wanted to marry you then… When you left I thought I had been just a foolish girl and after I cried for a few months I tried to get out there, maybe try to find someone… But none of them were you and I realized that even if I was just a foolish girl I was still in love, heart and soul. I stopped looking, thinking that maybe one day it would stop hurting, that I could move on…” She kissed him again, lingering over the touch for a moment.

“And then everything went to hell and home wasn’t there anymore but somehow Daddy got us out and we were alive and headed for Saturn and none of it mattered anyway because I thought… I don’t even know what I thought really… I slept for most of 2 months because I couldn’t face any of it, couldn’t face that every single person I could think of who wasn’t family was either dead or on the other side of the sun. I faced it finally and decided that I would live for all those who would never have the chance but never, ever, in my wildest dreams did I think that I would find you and find… that I’d been so wrong about everything.”

Their eyes met and held. “I am the one who should be sorry Kunik. I never considered how any of my life would affect you, never understood because I wasn’t raised to regard people in that way… as servants or masters or any of that. To me you were just the dear boy I fell in love with who has grown into the man I am still in love with. The man I wish to spend the rest of my life with.”

When they finally did leave their quarters hours later she proudly wore his ring.

Previously

Their eyes met and held. “I am the one who should be sorry Kunik. I never considered how any of my life would affect you, never understood because I wasn’t raised to regard people in that way… as servants or masters or any of that. To me you were just the dear boy I fell in love with who has grown into the man I am still in love with. The man I wish to spend the rest of my life with.”

When they finally did leave their quarters hours later she proudly wore his ring.

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And Now

Ken woke in the shelter he’d rebuilt from the mostly intact remnants of an aircraft hangar. A few miles away there was still ocean but the ice was becoming increasingly difficult to cut through in order to fish and he knew he would have to make the long trek south soon. The preserved food he’d managed to salvage from the wreckage that had been left after the tsunamis destroyed everything wouldn’t last forever and he had no desire to starve to death in a frozen wasteland. He’d often wondered if he was the only human left on earth, as preposterous as the idea seemed. It had been almost a year since everything ended and everything he ever knew was wiped from the face of the world as though it had never existed. He had no idea how he’d survived, waking half drowned in a landscape he didn’t recognize but miraculously unhurt aside from some fairly extreme bruising.

It was a good thing the cold had descended so rapidly after the strikes, the vast numbers of bodies left when the waters receded had frozen and did not present the danger of disease they might have otherwise. Occasionally he would find signs that some scavenger had been worrying at a frozen corpse but lately even that small sign of life had ceased. Fortunately there was no shortage of wood to burn for warmth and he’d been able to salvage enough parts from various mangled vehicles to build himself a respectable traveling rig. An airbase, even one so thoroughly destroyed as this one had been, held a great many treasures for the mechanically resourceful and if Ken was anything it was resourceful. He was really surprised at himself when it came to it, he’d been a fishing bum who tinkered with building monster trucks when he wasn’t working a charter or upgrading his beloved boat(a neverending process according to his partner Matt).

It had taken a great deal of time but he’d had little else to do once he’d scavenged as much food and fuel as he could manage to store and safe. His fishing expeditions gave him more time and lent variety to his diet but he knew that he could not reasonably expect to continue those for long, the ice as far out as 30 miles was already 8 feet thick and growing. He knew the only way to survive was to seek the equatorial belt where it was possible barely habitable conditions persisted and had driven himself to learn in a way that he never had before. It turned out the technical manuals and the other texts that allowed him to understand how they actually applied in the real world were almost as interesting to read as the science fiction that had been his private addiction from childhood.

The result had been almost a year of concentrated study with very few breaks. He had focused on every possible survival method but aware that improvisation often meant survival he read and kept everything he could find, even keeping an antique chest he’d found that had a number of equally antique texts contained therein. Those things had given him primitive methods which meshed well with the more advanced chemistry and technology he had available to outfit the craft that would be his home for the foreseeable future. He had no idea how far south the frozen zone stretched but judging by what he’d seen at this point it was likely he’d have to travel something over four thousand kilometers to reach anyplace he could survive outside without at least light winter clothing.

He’d tried to anticipate possible troubles ahead of time and prepare himself with tools and methods to counter them but he would still be venturing into a complete unknown in just about every way. There was no shortage of light armored vehicles to choose from and he’d assembled a respectable little land-train which should allow him to make up to 200 km of progress per day but he thought 100 was a more realistic goal. He’d considered going over the ice as it would greatly shorten the distances but the train was extremely heavy and the risk of breaking through was too high so the more difficult overland route won out. He’d finally worked the kinks out of the control systems he’d had to kludge together to allow him to maneuver the train since he wasn’t just dragging a series of trailers, each module was independently powered and controlled to make the whole assembly possible to maneuver through what he expected to be some very difficult terrain.

The weakest link he was able to find in the whole assemblage was the track conversions he’d made to the formerly wheeled vehicles and he’d overbuilt those quite heavily, willing to take the weight penalty to avoid potential breakage and retain the ability to convert the vehicles back to a wheeled configuration fairly quickly. Hopefully there would be terrain where that might actually be more efficient but in these frigid conditions tracks were definitely more functional even with the added complexity and possibility of breakdown. One module was dedicated entirely to hauling spares for the track systems and half of another was filled as well. There was enough to rebuild every track system at least twice and he’d deliberately added entire extra vehicles to the train so that he could if needed abandon all but two of the modules and not seriously impact his long term ability to survive and move forward.

He was perfectly aware that he’d never be able to anticipate every eventuality but he’d spent a great deal of time and energy trying to do so and his last defensive preparation had just tested properly. Of all the things he hoped he didn’t have to confront, armed humans trying to cause him harm was at the top of the list but he was a realist and that was a large part of the reason he’d chosen armored vehicles to start with. They gave him significant defensive capability and medium-heavy firepower but he’d enhanced the armor in a few ways that would hopefully make his train near impregnable once it snaked into a circle with the module he occupied tucked inside and still attached. Once in place extra panels deployed and formed a solid wall of slightly overlapping armor to the ground and above the turrets of each module with firing ports that could snap open or closed in a few milliseconds.

It was essentially the old technique of “circling the wagons” with technology used to take it to a new level, becoming a mobile fortress in a way that wagon trains had never been able to do. 3 of the newest M8-B2 Abrams heavy tanks rode on modules he’d converted to flatbeds and reinforced for the duty even though they triggered an uncomfortable claustrophobic feeling when he sat in the cockpit. If the threat was sufficient the tanks were capable of demounting from the modules and sheltering behind them in a hull-down configuration able to pop up just enough to provide direct fire if needed and indirect fire while fully sheltered otherwise. At the absolute worst one of them could serve as an escape vehicle for him and he could control the other 2 remotely from there. There was very little short of another tank like it that could actually kill one of them and they made a decent backup plan for total disaster although if things were ever that desperate it was unlikely he’d be able to find a place he could survive any length of time outside the tank itself.

All of the technical end of things, the construction, the studying… had allowed him to distract himself from a duty he knew he had to carry out. He’d found Matt’s body on one of his scavenging expeditions, torn almost in half from the violence of the waves and had abandoned the expedition so overcome with emotion that he could only manage to wrap his partner’s body in a tarp and bring it back to his base to store him in a smaller building he’d secured. He’d known Matt’s wishes were to be cremated and it was finally time to carry out the promise he’d made so long ago when they were both just gangly boys figuring out their own sexuality in the sun and salt of the LowCountry marshes and such things were unthinkable eventualities discussed with the gravity of youthful love.

He didn’t suppose it mattered anymore that they had never married but neither felt the need and it had not seemed like a ceremony would make any difference in their devotion to each other. They had literally always known each other, even as infants when their mothers were friends and always at each other’s homes sharing the lot of Navy wives through the ages, of husbands being gone for months and years on end, more apart than together even in a loving marriage that lasted, which both of theirs had. Both their fathers had been assigned to the Hermes just before the war and he assumed that ship had met with the same end as the others must have to allow attacks like the orbital bombardment to succeed. In a way, the cremation of Matt’s body would have to stand proxy for the memorialization of all of both their families and that made it so much more significant… and so much worse emotionally.

Still, it had to be done and he set about the preparations, carefully stacking wood he’d selected specifically for this task, the remnants of the Angel Oak which had been the oldest tree known in this area of the world and a minor local celebrity in its own right. It had long ago been given status as a person for legal protective purposes and in using this wood he was also doing his duty for the entire region by honoring its eldest resident. It was the most significant gesture he could think of that even came close to expressing his feelings and yet it was woefully inadequate. This was the task he’d saved for last, to be done the night before leaving because the smoke it generated would be a beacon in the daytime sky and he refused to travel at night if he could avoid it.

By the time he had the wood and kindling arranged the way he wanted it was almost dusk and time for the most difficult thing he’d done since he found himself alive. The incessant heavy labor had greatly enhanced his physical strength in the past year but as he picked up the rolled tarp that contained Matt’s body he found the weight almost too much to bear, staggering through the stinging sharpness of windblown ice to the area prepared. When he entered the shelter of the broken walls that enclosed the ceremonial bier he realized he’d let his hood fall away from his head and cursed himself briefly for the moment of inattention. That was exactly the sort of carelessness that would have him joining Matt in death all too soon but he took the time to carefully unroll his partner’s body from the tarp and arrange him as well as he could before covering him with a white cotton sheet then finally trudging back to his hangar to warm up and prepare.

He forced himself to eat some of the fish stew he’d prepared the night before although he had no real appetite. He carefully stowed everything before extracting an extravagantly bottled bourbon that would have cost a great deal before and was now literally priceless from its protective wrapping and cradling it to him as he went back out, even more heavily dressed than before. He’d set up a shelter that would allow him to sit in relative comfort as he watched the flames and he carefully sat the bottle down, taking a moment to steel himself. He lit the torch he had waiting there and stood just outside the shelter before picking the bottle back up and working the cork out with a pop, taking care to pocket it before going out to the pile with a bottle in one hand and a torch in the other. He carefully walked around the bier pouring out a sip from the bottle onto the wood in each of the four cardinal directions before pouring an additional sip directly onto Matt’s body. He made his way around again, touching the torch to each of the spots he’d doused and causing them to burst into flame.

Flame spread rapidly to the kindling and licked at the large pieces of split oak like a hungry living thing all its own, eager to grow and flower against the harshness of the brutal cold. The old oak resisted for a time but finally caught, springing into a devouring inferno of wood and flesh. Ken sat back in the shelter after standing as close to the fire as he dared for some time drinking steadily from the bottle. He sat there for several more hours, watching as the flame devoured all and collapsed into a pile of charcoal with dim flickers chased around the outside by wind. He’d finished the entire bottle by this time and still didn’t feel drunk until he stood up to make his way back to his hangar and found that the wind gusts made him stagger a little. He sealed it up and began to finally relax a little as the warmth inside seeped into his extremities and he realized just how dangerously chilled he’d gotten. It wasn’t the best thing but this was the last time he expected to have the luxury of a warm, well-fortified space like this and he’d decided ahead of time that he would take as much time as he could to enjoy the space. He wouldn’t leave tomorrow as he had enough experience drinking to know that he wouldn’t be at his best and he needed to be for the trek ahead. There was also a last desperate hope that his funeral rite had been seen by another living human in the area although he was fairly certain he’d have found traces if there had been, he knew he left tracks aplenty although the blowing snow and ice obscured them fairly quickly.

With those thoughts in mind he brought up an old sitcom he’d enjoyed on a tablet and whiled away a few more hours finishing another bottle, this one far less expensive although his taste buds were so numb he barely noticed. He’d scavenged and stored large quantities of high quality booze from wherever he could find it and much larger stocks of lower quality stuff. If he did encounter other people something like that might well make excellent trade goods and if not he’d have as long as the food and booze lasted to cry about it.

He was pondering that eventuality when a rhythmic rapping sounded against the wall of his shelter, one chunk of concrete being smacked into the concrete wall of the hangar from the sound of it. He immediately paused the playback on his tablet and strained to follow the tapping rhythm until it dawned on him that he was hearing Morse code and followed the letters again though the rhythm of them was the first thing most who learned the old cipher memorized. SOS, then a repetition in an old distress signal known amongst a few aficionados, more than a few former or current military and quite a few of their dependents.

Ken’s sobriety was returning with a rush of adrenaline as the implications came home to him. There was someone out there, someone who knew the old code and made themselves known to him in a way that allowed him to make himself ready rather than surprising him. That showed at the very least an abundance of caution although it seemed like a crazy risk to him. Whoever this was had no way of knowing that it was only him in this structure so they were either trying something or were desperate. Now the question was how he should respond. Options flashed through his mind and he knew it was foolish but he’d been so lonely for the past months even a pet would have been a wonderful discovery. He took a moment to don full body armor and thermals before going over to unbar the entry and conceal himself in a corner behind some sheets of armor plate he hadn’t used, weapon at the ready and a few others beside him.

“I can hear you!” he hadn’t talked in so long his voice seemed foreign in his ears. “The door is open! Come in slow with your hands empty!”

A moment later the door swung slowly inward and a stick protruded through the opening with a small scrap of white cloth tied to it. The stick twitched up and down for a moment as if to emphasize its presence before a voice sounded from the other side of the door. “I’m coming in slowly. I have my weapons on me but my hands empty. I’m not leaving my gear!”

The last part of that was said in a tone that sounded almost argumentative and brought Matt back to his mind with a stab of grief. He managed a response through the sudden thickness in his throat. “Alright, come on, slowly!”

The stick moved forward and was followed by a thickly gloved hand and a grunt as its owner shoved against the door. “I don’t think I could do it fast if I tried. This door is heavy! I gotta put this stick down.” With that the stick dropped inside the doorway and the hand withdrew. Further grunting and muffled cursing yielded movement and the opening widened enough to allow a slight figure to slide through with before they leaned back against the door in the other direction, pushing it closed with their full weight and effort. They turned and he still could not see a face, just a cold weather mask set deep inside a parka hood. A hand pointed at the bar lying on the floor, really more of a major structural member than anything else.

“If you want the door barred you’re gonna have to do it yourself. There’s no way I can lift that thing. Mind if I put my pack down?” They shrugged off one of the pack straps and caught the other as the weight swung around front, catching it on one knee and easing the weight down their leg to the floor with obvious effort.

“Ok, move over there.” Matt indicated an empty corner and watched them move before carefully sliding around the wall with his weapon at the ready. He picked up one end of the beam and dragged it into place before lifting that end into the door brackets with one hand, repeating the action on the other side with his eyes glued to the slight figure standing pensively against the opposite wall.

Once the door was barred he relaxed a little, still unsure what to make of this new arrival. He decided he should probably be a little more welcoming than he had been so he lowered his weapon and strode back over to the area he’d set aside as his living space. When he’d assembled the space he’d included a second chair and he gestured toward it as he sat where he had been. “Come on over and take a load off, that pack looks heavy. You hungry?”

It took a moment for them to approach, the weight of their pack dragging them to one side. They finally arrived and sat carefully before responding. “No thanks, I’ve got MRE’s enough. How…” they waved around “How did you find all this? Is there anyone else?”

“I didn’t think so until you showed up. I assume you’re alone?” Ken tried to control his excitement at speaking to another human after so long.

They sagged under the weight of his words. “Fuck…” The quiet expletive hung in the air between them. “Yes, I’m alone. Have been since the strikes hit. I’ve made my way down this far from Truro and haven’t seen a living soul.”

“Nova Scotia? I’m seriously impressed. You know where you are, right? Have you been traveling on foot the whole way?”

“I walked from home to here but I did have to camp for a while before I could make it over the ice to go south. Its… its way worse a little inland, I guess the water took a lot of the debris and bodies with it going back out. I’ve been able to scavenge a lot more than I thought I would for food so I’ve still got about half what I started out with. Lucky thing too or I’d have run out of food a few hundred miles back…” they trailed off as Ken opened the top on the still hot fish stew from earlier and drew in a deep sniff of air.

Ken there listening in growing amazement at the endurance of the newcomer. “You sure you don’t want anything? The stew is pretty decent given what I didn’t have to work with. I’m Ken by the way. You can feel free to take a load off, I will. Clean bowl over there, spoon right beside it. Have as much as you want.” He suited action to words by rising and beginning to shed his outer layers, stacking each item neatly to don them quickly if needed. He sat and picked the bottle back up, then paused for a moment and reached behind himself for 2 tumblers. “Care for some mid-grade bourbon to go with it?” He raised the empty glass with in query.

They’d sat there watching him intently and seemed to be fascinated. They pushed back their hood and gave a quick nod before taking off the facemask and balaklava to reveal a fine boned face and a mass of dark hair which tumbled down almost as far as the chair where they sat. “Oh gods that feels good… “ they scratched their head vigorously for a moment.

Ken watched in fascination as the long parka came off then an artic coverall, then another, then 3 layers of underclothing, each layer progressively lighter. What was left was a pair of heavy piezoelectric powered thermal underwear much like his own but containing a figure which was clearly female with a hard masculine edge. She’d folded and stacked each article in the same way that he had but he noticed the lack of body armor and decided to mention it. “You don’t wear any body armor?”

“Yeah well I’m Canadian, we aren’t quite as gun-happy as you Southernors. Its pretty heavy stuff too and I figured if it came to shooting stealth was my only real option. It kinda looks like you made the opposite decision “ She gestured around at his traveling rig. “Mind you, if I had the skill to do that sort of stuff I might’ve done the same but I don’t. I can make computers do just about anything but that doesn’t count much when there’s nothing to do with them that can make a difference.”

“I tried to think of everything and it sorta got away from me… its why I’m still here… that and the hope that someone else would show up and they would be friendly. You have no idea how glad I am to see another human being…” Ken tried to continue but found that his throat was too tight to form words. He felt tears spilling from the corners of his eyes and down his cheeks and drew a ragged breath. “I’m sorry, you probly think I’m some sort of whacko.”

“I watched your ceremony. Who was he?” She picked up the glass he’d sat down on the floor between them and took a tentative sip, rolling the fiery liquid around on her tongue before swallowing.

Ken had to think for a moment. She’d watched him that long? What should he say? “His name was Matt He was my partner and he died in the strikes along with… well until just few minutes ago I thought everyone else. I was…” How could he tell her what it all meant to him? “ I used the wood from the oldest tree in the region as a way to have a funeral for our parents and everyone… I tried to make it as meaningful as I could even though it was just for me… or so I thought.”

“I... I did something like that with my parents and my sister. We were all in the same house, I don’t know how they died and I didn’t… but they were still there in the remains of the house. It was a few miles away from where it belonged but Daddy built well and it was still intact… they just drowned. By the time I’d found them it was dried up pretty well so I got a few cans of gas, doused the whole house inside and out and set it aflame. I… I couldn’t bring myself to come out of hiding when I saw you yesterday, I was so afraid I’d found some sort of military camp or something and I couldn’t…”

“I understand… I would have done the same but I don’t think I would have been brave enough to approach someone as heavily armed as I am…” Ken trailed off, uncertain what to say.

“Oh I wasn’t. It was only when I watched long enough to realize what was going on that I thought… I thought about how I felt so lonely after and I wanted to help. It still took me a couple of hours to get up the nerve but I remembered my brother taught me that old code so I took a chance.” She stood and went over to the stew pot, lifting the lid and sniffing deeply with appreciation. “Oh wow this smells…. This is the best thing I’ve smelled since…” She fell silent, taking a deep breath and picking up one of the 2 bowls he kept clean and ready.

Ken watched as she ladled the thick chunky stew into her bowl, replaced the lid and sat back down. The smell was getting to him and he’d made plenty of stew so he decided he’d have another helping, sitting back with his bowl and looking over to see her observing him intently. Her gaze made him embarrassed a little and he picked his glass up to take a sip, glad of the burn as it made its way down his throat. “There’s more booze, water and some more glasses over there if you want. The water is safe, I’ve got a triple-filtration rig I use after I distill it a few times. Plenty of everything so eat and drink your fill.”

They watched each other eat until both were scraping spoons along the bowl to get the last bit of liquid. He sighed, full for now, then settled back and refilled both of their glasses with bourbon. As tense as their initial meeting had been, in this short time he felt comfortable with her there and realized just how truly lonely he’d been as he blinked the pricklings of tears away from his eyes.

She took a sip, rolling it around her mouth to catch the flavor before allowing it to trickle down her throat. “I’m Sean.” She said nothing more, waiting for his reply.

“Ken. You said your brother taught you that code. He was military?”

“Navy. He was posted on the Hermes so I guess he’s as dead as everyone else…” She took another sip and turned the tables. “How do you know all this stuff? You some survivalist or something?”

Ken had to think about that one for a moment before he replied. “I suppose I am now. I was just a fishing bum who played around with monster trucks for fun before everything happened. Both our dads were navy, on the Hermes in fact. We were born a few days apart and have literally always been together except for a month or two here and there… I was so lost I think I went a little insane with things but I had lots of time on my hands and I couldn’t make myself leave. Speaking of survivalists, you must be one yourself to be here now. I’m impressed and a little intimidated.”

“My mom was a big outdoors type of person. I learned a lot of stuff just following her around when I was little. I used to like the peace of being out in nature alone… Now it just feels like being alone. Look,” she gestured at him “I went a little nuts too, I think. There’s a little time period before I could leave that is… well I know I ran around and cursed at the universe and cried a lot but I don’t remember much else. Then it was either get my shit together or die and I wanted to live so… here I am.”

“Sounds pretty familiar. Look, I’ve had enough of being alone and I’ve got… well honestly I’ve got enough for myself to live for several years without any effort at all. I’d planned to leave in two days to make sure I was in top shape for traveling.… I had that ceremony because I figured if it did attract any unfriendly attention I’d be gone by the time anyone could get here from any sort of distance and I’ve pretty well searched the immediate area. I haven’t changed my mind about that but you’re welcome to come along. Either way, staying here is probably not a good idea.”

“Ya think? The light reflected off the cloud cover in a big way, far more than I would have expected. I’d be amazed if you couldn’t see it 100 kilometers away, maybe more. You know a land train like that is going to leave a hell of a trail, right?” She’d finished her glass and he refilled both of theirs, clinking the two together before taking a sip and watching as she did the same slow savor she’d done before.

“Well the thing is that I realized anything other than being on foot would leave enough of a trail to make finding me easy for anyone who stumbled across it. That’s why I spent so long building all of this, I wanted to make sure that if anyone unfriendly did find me I’d be prepared to handle whatever it was. One armored vehicle turned into 3, then 10, then it grew to its current size before I got into adding the extra armor and… well if the ice wasn’t getting as thick as it is I might not have actually left, just kept building.” Ken waited for her to call him a fool but she simply sat and waited for him to continue.

“Hopefully we’ll never need any of the armor or weapons or… anything I guess but if it doesn’t work that way I’ve managed to put together enough force to survive.” This time he was the one waiting for her and she drew it out, looking around at the vehicles with a careful eye.

“Mind if I take a look at your control systems? I don’t know enough about the vehicles to really have an opinion but that is entirely within my expertise.”

Ken realized something as he started to reply and had to stop to make sure he had it right before he could continue. “Look, I’m not calling anything mine here. I’m not asking the same of you but if we join forces it is equally ours. Everything, all of the supplies, vehicles, the whole bit. If you’ve got ideas for improving the control systems that’s awesome because I’ve learned most of what I know in the process of putting all this together and I’m sure it can be done better. I just gave myself as many backups and redundancies as possible for everything I could think of that might break or fry or whatever and then I included multiple replacements for all of it.”

Sean seemed a little excited but she too had to think for a moment to consider what Ken had said. A long moment stretched between them as she carefully considered her response. “I’d like to stay another day or two so I can really get into it. Even with the risk it’d be better to get an issue sorted out ahead of time in comfort to have to deal with it out there but the danger might be less than you think. Even the hilly country around here is pretty low so the waves went really far inland, maybe 200 kilometers. That debris field is… I don’t even know how to describe it. Anything that wants to get through that mess will take a while to do it even with serious heavy machinery. I don’t know about inland but its hard to imagine a lot survived in the flood zone…”

“You’ve seen more of it than I have so I don’t see why not if you’re that confident. That’ll give me time for another fishing trip so we can have a little more variety to our diet down the road. Umm… I’ve never had to actually think about this before but do you know how to drive any of this stuff, or use the weapons?”

“I can figure it out. Before all this happened, had you ever been ice-fishing? I could teach you a few tricks with that if you’ll teach me the other stuff…”

“No. Ice isn’t exactly something that happened outside a refrigerator around here. I know a lot about fishing without the ice in the way though and I’ve done ok but I’m sure I could do better. One good thing about all of this, marine life has gotten a massive boost so there’s no shortage of things to catch! I’ve got squid and octopus, all sorts of fish and an amazing amount of seaweed, all of it in both frozen and dehydrated form. Haven’t seen much of the seaweed for a while now though. Shame, some of it is seriously tasty… “ Ken realized he’d wandered off track and brought himself back to the point.

“Look, it might be less risk than I thought but I’d feel really shitty leaving you here by yourself in case something did happen. How about we both take tomorrow to chill and do as little as possible, then we head out the next morning to fish? I had tomorrow planned out as a “Be useless” day anyway because I knew I was going to sit here and drink myself stupid after… After I kept my promise.” Ken could barely finish that last part as tears blurred his vision and he felt them begin to leak from the corners of his eyes and down his cheeks to lose themselves in his scruffy beard.

It was some time before he was able to really have a coherent thought after that but when he did manage to dry his eyes he looked up to see Sean holding his glass out to him, freshly refilled with amber liquid. He accepted with a grateful look and drank greedily, taking half the liquid in a couple of swallows before he sat back to gasp a little with the potency of it burning into his stomach.

“Thank you. I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was going to do that.” He felt embarrassed at the look she gave him, all kindness and understanding.

“I get it. Sometimes I can’t stop myself from crying either and the liquor probably isn’t helping but its ok to let yourself grieve. It’s the only way to move forward and the way things are now… its either move forward or stop moving entirely and I’m not ready to lie down and die yet. You take time when you need to, cry it out, keep going.”

“Yeah… keep going…” Ken was lost for a moment in his thoughts. “Going toward what though? I’ve been sitting here paralyzed for all this time and you’ve been walking, doing something… moving toward something…”

“I didn’t have any choice” Sean interrupted. “I had to move or die, the same thing you were finally facing after preparing as thoroughly as you could imagine. You had a luxury I didn’t, knowledge I don’t. Your situation and mine were almost nothing alike so comparing them, especially as a way to run yourself down… That’s just stupid.”

Sean thought for a moment and added “Besides, with all that you’ve done both our chances of survival are greatly increased. You haven’t been moving in terms of location but you have definitely been making progress toward a well thought out goal. Tell me, did you run yourself down this way, um… before?”

Ken didn’t know how to reply, taking a few long minutes to sip at his drink while the silence stretched between them. “Matt told me I did, yeah. Its just that… I’m never quite good enough, you know? My dad was this naval hero, my mom was this famous doctor… Matt was so far above me mentally I felt stupid by comparison. I’m just bright enough to tinker with a few mechanical things and take people fishing but no more than that. I don’t see it as running myself down, I see it as dealing with reality. I’m not smart, I’m not decisive… I’m none of the things that my family or friends were. If I wound up making things better it was pure coincidence.”

“Wow, that’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve heard in quite a while. All this stuff in here, this stuff you built? I wouldn’t even have the beginnings of a clue how to do that stuff. On top of that you learned about complex feedback limiting control systems and implemented a workable solution for something like this which is… well I’m pretty sure that’s never been done in that way. I think you’re absolutely brilliant.”

Ken felt his face heating and knew his blush showed where the beard didn’t cover. He didn’t know how to reply so he just sat there and sipped at his drink.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you… its just that I see this awesome guy who does stuff I would have expected 10 people to have done and I think that’s pretty special. All I did was survive and keep running, you built something that will mean survival for both of us and possibly for others we meet along the way. More than just survival, you built or brought almost everything needed to restart civilization. You think you’re not decisive and yet you’ve spent almost a year working on a plan that had to have been in your mind from practically the start and you’ve stuck to it despite all the seemingly insurmountable obstacles you’ve had to overcome. All of this entirely on your own and mourning the loss of your world. You are an incredibly strong and resourceful man, Ken, I just wish you knew that.”

She broke off, noticing that he was crying again. On impulse she walked over and hugged him from the side, her arms barely reaching around his shoulders. They could both feel the warmth of the other’s skin against their cheeks and for a very long moment they held that posture until she finally let go and wiped the tears from his cheeks with her fingers.

She sat and refilled both of their glasses, both of them drinking in silence for a minute. “We’re animals Ken, social animals that need touch from other humans. We’ve both been without that for too long and it has driven us a little insane. You know that as much as I do.”

“So what, you’re proposing we sleep together?” Ken’s tone was incredulous.

“Yes. Not in a sexual way although I do find you very attractive… but I very much need to be held and I can tell you do too.” Sean was privately very nervous about that, afraid she might inadvertently reveal her secret but willing to take the risk. After all, if he reacted to her like others had she could at least take her things and leave…

Ken took a very long time to think that over without speaking, making his way through another entire glass of bourbon. When he finally did speak it was a single word. “OK.”

He couldn’t properly admit to himself that he needed touch just as badly as she did but by rationalizing it as helping someone in need he could manage to do it. They mostly drank together in silence afterward with the exception of him helping her to the toilet facilities as they readied for bed. He had lucked out one day and found a king sized mattress and box spring, still shrink wrapped and perfectly dry. He’d used some of the Angel Oak wood to build a beadstead for it, a truly massive thing with huge limbs at each corner propping up a frame draped with a red and gold paisley cloth he’d turned into an extremely heavy quilt that draped all the way down to puddle on the ground all around.

Sean gaped when he pointed it out to her, stunned at how massive it looked. When she peeled aside the opening flap in the drapes to look inside she was greeted with equal splendor. With an entire city to scavenge he had chosen only the best of bedclothes, high thread count cottons, again in a paisley design but this time forest green and metallic silver, so soft to the touch it felt like cloud. When she stripped off the final layer of thermals and was down to bra and panties she climbed inside and under the covers, delighted to discover that there was not only a heated underpad but a heated blanket as well. She was faced away so didn’t notice when he slipped under the covers and got a shock when she discovered he had undressed completely.

He wasn’t being pushy about it but she could feel the fine hairs on his buttcheeks tickling at her own cotton covered rear as they instinctively touched for the sheer comfort of touching and being touched. They lay that way for a time, each of them wanting more but unable to move until she finally decided to take action. She stripped her underwear off and left it atop the covers for easy retrieval, then turned over and carefully tucking herself between her legs snuggled up to his back, uncaring that her breasts were pressing into him.

His response was a sleepy mumble as he pressed himself backward into her embrace and they went off to sleep that way both comforted in a simple and yet elemental level so sorely needed.

When Matt awoke with the usual physical evidence of his need to urinate he was embarrassed to find that his member had ridden up her back and between her cheeks as she was held in his embrace. He quickly rolled over and out of bed, hopping frantically for a moment on the cold floor before he found his slippers and made his hasty way to the toilet facilities. He sat there with his head pounding, on the edge of retching as fluids made their way from both of his other orifices and he shivered violently. He’d experienced hangovers before, some of them pretty severe… but this one was something in a league of its own.

Eventually the smell of the partially digested fish stew overcame his gag reflex inhibition and he made use of the garbage can as well. That only made things worse and for a time he was extremely and loudly vocal about his misery. When he thought he was finally done he began to clean himself up only to have another round of the same but when that was finished he felt somewhat better. He still couldn’t decide if he was sweating or freezing to death or both and the shivering made it difficult for him to manipulate the temperature controls on his makeshift shower stall.

He went from scalding to freezing and finally settled on a temperature that felt as though it was just on the edge of cooking him alive, as hot as he could manage to tolerate. He stood there leaning against the shower wall, letting the warmth ease the ache in his head and soothe the muscles in his back and shoulders, loosening knots caused by his paroxysms of grief the night before.

He didn’t know how to react when Sean joined him moving behind him so that she could reach up and help the water soothe his aches, even rubbing spots on his skull he hadn’t realized were tender with her surprisingly strong fingers. She worked her way down his shoulders, even out onto his arms and them down the broadness of his back, all the way to the very small of his back where she suddenly stopped and turned away from him so that when he returned the favor he was only able to see her from the rear.

He was as gentle and firm as he knew how to be, teasing out knots of tension that had taken up residence long before, painful little kernels that gave up only reluctantly and with much gentle soothing. Despite her small stature relative to his own she was impressively muscled from her journeys and he found himself inexplicably attracted to her. He’d never been attracted to women before, why was this woman causing a reflex that he could no longer blame on a need to urinate? Whatever the reason there it was, traitorously standing proudly away from his groin at full readiness for… what?

Whatever thoughts were running through his mind were abruptly derailed as she turned to face him. Given the difference in their height his gaze naturally travelled downward and he noted a very well formed and he supposed rather attractive pair of breasts. They seemed to be appropriate for her size, whatever that meant. As his eyes moved downward everything else about her screamed female until he reached her groin and noticed a marginally smaller version of his own erection.

Ken’s mind took a short vacation at that moment, unable to properly assimilate what he was seeing. He’d known of transgender people of course, seen plenty of photos, even a fair amount of porn but nothing had prepared him for the reality in front of him and the sudden sexual hunger he felt for her. His image of himself had always been that of a gay man, never having had the slightest interest in women sexually even though he’d tried once or twice just to make sure.

Maybe he was just lonely and sex-starved, maybe there was just enough of the masculine about her to flip the mental switches that signaled arousal but when she tilted her face up to him he couldn’t resist bending down to taste her lips. It was only a brief moment but the tingling he felt ran from his lips all the way to the tips of his toes and caused goosebumps to raise all over his body despite the heated water cascading over them. He noticed a similar reaction from her and tried to withdraw, afraid that he had overstepped, made an unwanted advance.

She made it clear that was not the case by moving closer and rubbing her body on his while reaching up to kiss him with something like animal desperation. He was overcome and responded in kind and for a long time they stood there simply kissing and touching and yes, fondling each other’s genitals. He was amazed to discover as his fingers explored that under her penis was what felt like a vagina and it caused him to falter a moment until she grabbed his hand and guided a finger into the waiting orifice. They explored each other for some time, wordless and barely able to breathe.

Finally she reached around him and turned the water off, allowing it to drip from both of them, taking a moment to wring the excess water out of her luxuriant and now much longer looking hair, resting midway down her buttocks in wet strands. Ken handed her a towel and she used it to gently wipe the moisture from his skin, paying special attention to his genitals and rear. He handed her a towel which she used to wrap her hair then proceeded to return the favor, drying her off and paying especially tender attention to her breasts and nether regions in return.

Once they had both finished drying the other she removed the towel from her hair, allowing it to flow freely down her back as she combed her fingers through it to remove any tangles. The enclosed area which contained the bathroom arrangements and the sleeping area was deliberately kept at skin temperature as Ken hated sleeping in clothing or under heavy blankets so neither of them dressed, each taking a seat facing the other with a low coffee table between them. Rather than venture back out into the cooler area Ken reached under the table and pulled out a tray with a crystal decanter full of amber liquid and 2 rocks glasses of equal quality.

He poured them each a generous 4 fingers of room temperature whiskey before settling back and taking a sip, crossing one knee over the other in an unsuccessful attempt to partially conceal his persistent erection. Sean crossed her legs in a more ladylike fashion and effectively concealed that particular evidence of her own arousal but her erect nipples and puffy aureoles were on full display, distracting Ken in ways he couldn’t understand.

When Sean took a sip a smile crossed her face, chased quickly by a shadow of pain. She took a moment to savor it before taking another and rolling it around her tongue and making sure she got every last note of peat, smoke and barley. It was another moment before she said anything, her tone almost wooden with suppressed emotion. “50 year Ardbeg Kidalton. My father’s favorite dram in all the world and I thought there was none left, that I’d never smell or taste that memory again. I can’t think of anything in all this horrible world that could have any more meaning. Thank you Ken.” By the time she finished speaking the woodenness of her tone had given way to quiet crying.

Ken had no idea how to react but he put his own glass down, took hers from her nearly nerveless fingers and set it aside before reaching under her to pick her up and carry her over to the bed where he lay beside her and held her as she wept for her world. All thought of sex or arousal was gone from his mind, he simply wanted to comfort this woman who suddenly meant so much to him that her unhappiness made his heart want to burst with the pain of it.

After a long time her sobs subsided and she got out of the bed, making her way to the bathroom for a moment before returning to sit where she had before, taking up her glass and gesturing for him to do the same. Before he could say anything she began. “First, I want to thank you. I apparently needed a good cry for a long time and your response was perfect, giving exactly the comfort I needed without attempting to take it any further. You showed that you are a true gentleman.”

“I find myself with an unexpected problem. Maybe a part of it is simply the fact that we are the only two people we can be sure are alive on Earth but I find myself extremely attracted to you. I wanted to make love to you right there in the shower but I couldn’t manage to get past my own self-image and I expect you had a bit of the same issue.” Sean fell silent, waiting for Ken to understand what she meant.

It took a moment but he puzzled part of it out. “So you’re essentially lesbian and I’m a gay man. The whole thing with you having a penis though… That one throws me a bit. Unless I was sadly mistaken it felt like there was another set of equipment going on there too…”

“You were not mistaken. I’m a bit of a unicorn I suppose.” She paused to regard him over the rim of her glass as she sipped.

Ken snorted in amusement. “Unicorns are mythical and I’m pretty damn sure you’re not a myth. What exactly is the deal, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“In scientific terms? I’m what you’d call a fully functional bilateral hermaphrodite although the term “Intersexed” tends to see more use, incorrect though it is in my case. In most intersexed persons one side or the other does not reach full reproductive maturity and in many cases it is both, resulting in an infertile person. I am different in that both sets of organs are fully functional. I can both impregnate another person and bear a child to term myself. My father was the same, although he was considerably larger than I am, tending more toward a masculine appearance and demeanor.”

Ken was astounded. “I’ve never heard of anything like that. I mean yeah, I knew about intersexed people and how in the past they would be arbitrarily assigned to one gender or another at birth, often not successfully… but this… I don’t even know what to say. This is some next step evolutionary stuff here and to think that society mutilated people who may have been whole in both ways… I’m horrified. How did that not happen to your family?”

Sean’s face took on a grim cast as she took a deeper sip than before, swallowing it quickly and breathing out harshly from the vapor. “It did. 3 generations of us were mutilated at birth. My grandmother was the first to escape that fate because she grew up so far away from any doctor that she had already found another like her and they married. They discovered that the trait bred true, my father and his siblings are all the same although their appearance is all over the scale. Two of them went out to space, one of my uncles went to Uranus to work on Hephaestus station and my aunt married a lovely and very wealthy gentleman who lives… lived I suppose… In Valley City on Mars. They have… had… a very lovely and brilliant daughter who inherited the same trait so apparently it is dominant.”

Ken took a moment to digest that. “I wish I knew what to say… it sounds so… so much worse than what it used to mean to simply be gay. You seem... well you seem pretty happy with yourself and well-adjusted and um… comfortable with your body…” He blushed and tried to cover by taking a sip.

She laughed at him and blushed herself. “I don’t know exactly how comfortable with myself I am. I find both men and women attractive but the whole “having a penis” thing tends to turn off guys I might find interesting or attract some real wierdos so I’ve always pretty much thought my best luck at finding someone was to be with another woman…”She took another deep sip. “So I’ve been the femmy dyke with the dick. It hasn’t worked out very well for me.”

Ken was genuinely puzzled. “Are you kidding? You’re one of the most incredible and resourceful people I’ve ever met. I am literally in awe of what you’ve accomplished simply getting here. I mean, I’m gay and I want you, how could any lesbian in her right mind not feel the same way?” He realized what he’d said immediately after it slipped out of his mouth and gulped.

“Please, understand I’m not trying to be creepy or even come on to you but... I’m pretty freaked out right now by the fact that I find you attractive when you are so… so… female…” He trailed off into silence, staring into his now empty glass.

Sean gently reached over, took his glass from him and refilled it along with her own before handing it back. “I find you incredibly attractive Ken, and not just physically. Physically you are very much a prime specimen of the male of the species and yet I see this other part of you that is as soft, as female if you will… as the rest of you is hard. Its almost like you’re the other side of my coin in some strange way.”

“Now that you put it that way…” Ken took another sip “I realize that I feel the same way about you. I’ve always seen beauty I women but it never really registered on a sexual level, I think because Matt and I have… had… been in love since before either of us could remember and thee was just never room for anyone else. I honestly don’t know if I’m even attracted to your body or just the one part of it… OK, two if you count your penis. He said that last part with a straight face and it took a moment for it to register.

“And the first part would be?” She demanded archly.

He chuckled at having gotten a rise out of her. “Well it’s a twofer actually… your stunning intelligence and your absolute determination to survive. I think that’s a pretty great place to start and I’d like to be able to think of you as a friend and ally. Now if you happened to want to try a sexual component to that relationship I don’t think I’d be opposed but no pressure, ok?”

“You don’t find my body different, strange? I realize I’m not what you’re used to…” Sean was looking down, unsure if she wanted to try pushing forward if she made him uncomfortable.

“Both of those things, yes. “ He leaned forward to look into her eyes. But that only makes me want to explore with you and find out how we can make things work…” he looked down “I’m sorry, I’m being too direct. I’ve never been very good at talking about this sort of thing because I never needed to… Matt was always the one who took the lead in that way.”

“Then we both have to learn together I expect, if you want to try. I don’t want to push you into anything but I don’t feel like very much pushing would be required…” she arched an eyebrow at him and smiled a slow, lazy smile with an almost predatory gleam in her eyes.

They sat there and drank, light banter laced with innuendo and outright sexual promise until they retired to the huge bed, closing the curtains and spending a very long time discovering new things about each other and about themselves. When sleep finally did come they lay entangled in each other without energy to even move into more comfortable positions.

They sat there and drank, light banter laced with innuendo and outright sexual promise until they retired to the huge bed, closing the curtains and spending a very long time discovering new things about each other and about themselves. When sleep finally did come they lay entangled in each other without energy to even move into more comfortable positions

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And Now

Stacy was out in the garden areas with Mikhail, each of them laughing at the other’s clumsiness in the powered exoskeletons they were using for rehab. The suits kept them from exerting excessive pressure on their breaks but allowed as much loading as possible to promote quick healing and they were just getting used to moving about after being effectively immobilized for over a week. It turned out Stacy was as addicted to green spaces as he so when they finally got to leave sickbay this was the place they’d come and it had been good for their morale as the laughter attested.

“Dammit, I’m used to powered armor but this thing won’t let me move properly!” Mikhail was trying his best to get up from where he’d managed to fall into soft vegetation.

Stacy laughed at him for a moment before carefully reaching out to help him up, the exoskeleton making light work of the task and balancing itself against his sudden surging pull to gain his feet. “How did you even manage to fall over anyway? This thing is supposed to make that pretty well impossible!”

“The difficult we do immediately. The impossible takes a little longer” he replied in lofty tones with a smile.

“Hah! You’re no engineer!” Her smile matched his, they were both enjoying the banter.

“Well Marines have the same saying… it just goes in opposite directions. You build the indestructible thing, we figure out how to destroy it. Perfect symmetry!”

“Perfect indeed…” Stacy’s tone was different now and she found herself looking at Mikhail with the same fascination as before, the angles and planes of his face so… not perfect in any conventional sort of way but perfect for him. Her face heated as she realized he was studying her with equal intensity and they both stood for a long moment looking into each other’s faces until she finally realized that all she could see was his eyes and his lips barely brushing hers. She didn’t pull back though, enjoying the softness of them and the gentle pressure that demanded nothing more than what she was willing to give.

It wasn’t a lengthy kiss but when they both drew back slightly she found herself staring into his eyes and wondering at just how many shades of grey could exist in the tiny space around his enlarged pupils. She could tell that his feelings mirrored her own, down to the uncertainty that caused him to look away from her gaze and drop his head a little. For some reason it made sense to her, that it wasn’t dislike or anything negative… he just didn’t know if he’d done the right thing, if she would reject him for his advance, however tentative.

Stacy saw those emotions and fears as though his face were reflecting her inner turmoil and self-doubt and knew that she had to be the one to move even though she was as deeply uncertain as he. As she opened her mouth to speak another truth came to her and it was that which came out of her mouth instead in a single word.

“Jeff…”

She regretted it instantly, expecting him to react … well she wasn’t exactly sure but weren’t people supposed to be jealous in this kind of situation? Instead she saw his face soften in a way that spoke to her of some other emotion she didn’t understand.

“He’s a good pilot. He’s pretty easy on the eyes too…”

“You…” She couldn’t finish the thought.

“Am willing to enter a plural relationship, yes. Will anything happen between Jeff and me? I have no idea… honestly I’ve never really had any sort of relationship worthy of the term with anyone. Being who… what… I am… it doesn’t lend itself to learning that kind of thing. I don’t know what it will be like going forward but before the war I spent a great deal of time deployed. It wrecks relationships, the loneliness, the waiting...”

“I don’t understand…”

“That’s fine… I don’t understand either but we’ll figure it out. Now… I really think there’s another person that should be present for this conversation, don’t you? I know his com code and he’s been off duty for about an hour and before you ask yes, I checked him out…”

“You…?”

“Planned this? No.” he smiled a little at the expression she must have shown.

“I’m trained to stay alive by being hyperaware. I don’t know how to turn it off… sometimes its not a good thing. I saw… I don’t even know what I saw but I realized that if there was to be a path forward it would somehow mean that we three had to interact… good, bad, whatever…” he took a moment to catch his breath and gather his thoughts.

“I want it to be good. I want to create happiness, build something, be a part of something… something that isn’t focused on destruction. I need this in my life and I think you do and Jeff does… I just think for some reason or maybe no reason… I want to make sure that it all adds up, nothing subtracts and this way makes sense to me… if its what you want. If its what he wants.”

“Call him before I lose my nerve…” Stacy was desperately afraid that somehow she would lose both of them but she realized that what he’d said was true… and if they could make it work… then maybe…?

She couldn’t help giggling a little as Mikhail tried to key in the com code and hit the wrong numbers several times. He muttered under his breath in some language she didn’t know although his tone made it clear he was cursing the awkward movements his time in sickbay and the exoskeleton imposed on him.

He finally got it right and flashed her a triumphant grin before hitting the connect button, waiting for her assent which she gave with a slight nod and an upthrust of her chin as though to say she was ready for whatever the universe might throw at her. He hit the key and the connection chime sounded for a moment before a voice that had occupied her thoughts for the past week at least sounded.

“Yeah?”

“You know who this is?”

“Yeah…”

“I expect you’re hungry just about now. I think the three of us should have dinner, and perhaps a few drinks?”

“What the fuck are you up to man?” Jeff’s tone was querulous but a little worried as well. “Stacy better be ok!”

“I’m ok…. just… he’s right, we all need to talk and dinner sounds good about now. Can you meet us at the park though? These damned exoskeletons aren’t the easiest things to move around in…” Stacy spoke up, touched by Jeff’s immediate concern for her well-being.

“I’ll be there in 5.” The connection closed and Stacy shared a small smile with Mikhail, uncertain of the future but ready to proceed. She wondered just when she had become so decisive, so strangely confident in herself in ways that she never had been before all this horror visited itself upon her sheltered life.

They stood there, neither of them speaking, just waiting and enjoying the greenery. It felt right that they wait before proceeding and the silence between them felt oddly comfortable. Jeff arrived a minute early, strolling into the area where they waited.

“Stacy… Mikhail…” He nodded to them in turn.

“Jeff. Look… There’s an issue here and its something we all need to deal with. I’ve got a few things squirreled away in my quarters and there’s room enough for us to eat there if you like?” Mikhail took the lead before Stacy had a chance to respond.

“You gonna be able to cook in that thing? I think my quarters are likely a little better suited and I wouldn’t mind a chance to show off a little.” Jeff ventured a tentative smile and Stacy began to feel as though it just might all work out.

“I think we both need a bit of a rest so that sounds good.” This time it was Stacy taking the lead, making the decision and it felt right, the way it should be. “It might take a little longer than 5 minutes to get there though.”

“Got something against riding a maintenance skip?” Jeff pointed over to the entrance he’d used.

“That’s perfect, thank you Jeff. I wasn’t looking forward to that walk at all. This whole being wounded thing is exhausting. I’m pretty sure Stacy feels worse, she got banged up a bit more than I did.”

“I don’t know if I feel worse than you or not but I will admit to being a little exhausted. Thank you for the thoughtfulness Jeff.” She tried to link arms with both of them and discovered that it was a much more complicated process than she’d imagined and after a little fumbling and laughing they managed it before she looked up into both smiling faces. “Shall we go gentlemen?”

The process of walking and then disentangling themselves once they got to the skip was the cause of considerably more levity but shortly they were proceeding through maintenance passageways only rarely used by anything other than automated skips like the one that delivered them in a little under 3 minutes to a hatch that looked like many others in pilot’s country.

Jeff ushered them into a space that was larger than the standard singleton’s quarters and was decorated with an interesting assortment of plants and furniture including a comfortable overstuffed sofa which he helped them both to settle into before making his way over to one wall and triggering the kitchen appliances and surfaces to fold or slide out of the walls. He had obviously tinkered with the appliances, making upgrades and additions to the standard equipment and while it folded itself out he went over to a screen, made a few selections and the sounds of a chamber ensemble filled the room at a volume just sufficient to be clearly heard without getting in the way of conversation.

He busied himself in the kitchen and soon appetizing smells began to waft in their direction as he used a wok over a juiced up thermal projector. Whatever he was making contained the usual staple of rice but he picked things from many of the plants to add into the dish and finally plated it all, putting his utensils and containers into the washing cubicle before triggering the kitchen to retract and a table to extrude itself from the floor along with chairs. He took a few moments to set the table properly before going over to help both of them up and then back down.

For some reason they had all remained quiet during the preparation process and Stacy found herself wondering just what that might mean. It didn’t seem like an uncomfortable sort of silence and she’d been pretty well exhausted despite her claims to the contrary so it felt good to just sit and watch, letting the music fill the space.

When he uncovered the first of the dishes in front of them there was a fragrant clear soup in a small bowl. Stacy tried to lean over to smell it, then gave up as the exoskeleton resisted her movements and used the overly deep looking spoon to inhale the scented steam.

“Wow… this smells really good…. like flowers almost except its food…” She took a cautious sip, then another and simply let the flavors roll around her tongue. It was utterly unlike anything she’d tasted before… salty, a little sour and with a bitter tang but it was a bitterness that served to enhance everything else with the the floral fragrance as another distinct layer of taste. “It tastes so different to the smell! Really awesome in a whole different way... I can’t wait for the rest!”

“She’s right, this is fantastic!” Mikhail chimed in between spoonfuls.

“I’m glad you both like it….” Jeff seemed to glow a bit from the praise as he watched and listened to their reactions. The soup was finished in near silence if you didn’t count enthusiastic slurping and little moans of pleasure. The main course was unveiled next and Stacy and Mikhail simply stared for a moment, dumbstruck by the beauty of the plating arrangement and the relative unfamiliarity of so much color in their food.

Mikhail was the first to speak, in almost reverent tones. “This is almost too beautiful to eat…”

“I’ve never thought of food as art before but this shows me what it can be. Do you mind if I take a picture before we eat? I want to see how this looked when I remember the taste…” Stacy was a little less reverent in her approach but no less heartfelt. At a smile and affirmative nod from Jeff she proceeded to take multiple shots of the dish from different angles, turning it back the way it had been set and looking to the others. Jeff took a pitcher and filled each of their glasses with a darkly colored fluid that seemed to catch the light in the room and amplify it, almost glowing an odd blue color. That required even more pictures of the filled glass, both by itself and with the plate in frame.

Once she’d finished Jeff held his glass and gestured for them to join him.

“I’d like to offer a toast to the best company I could ask for and the pleasure of dining together. May it be only the first of many meals shared between us.” Mikhail and Stacy voiced their agreement and traded a glance as the rim of each glass clinked against both of the others. “I hope you both like the taste as much as the view!”

Stacy had to fight to keep from grinning as Jeff realized what he’d said and turned a shade darker as he looked down at his plate. Mikhail managed a creditable poker face but he colored slightly as well and they turned their attention to the food to avoid the topic they were clearly all thinking about.

“Oh wow… beautiful, delicious sacrilege… first food as visual art, then food as texture and taste and smell and its just as awesome! I’m so weirdly conflicted between eating it and looking at it…” Stacy took another bite and made enthusiastic noises while chewing slowly, swallowing and taking another sip of the… whatever it was which sent another burst of flavor over the taste buds before leaving a clean taste. “Conflict over! I’m definitely on the eating side of that one!”

They both laughed and agreed before digging back into their own meals and soon they had finished with surprisingly little conversation beyond noises of appreciation and compliments to the chef which he accepted with lessening evidence of embarrassment. He cleared away the dishes quickly once they had finished and they all moved over to more comfortable seating with Mikhail and Stacy back on the sofa and Jeff ensconced in a comfortable chair facing them after making certain they all had a full drink within easy reach.

Mikhail and Stacy looked at each other, then over at Jeff at the same time and both opened their mouths to speak but Jeff beat them to it.

“I didn’t want to say anything because I figured out, I think, what we all need to talk about and why. I hadn’t even considered… well… anything really but I needed a little time to process it and just in case I was wrong I wanted to have the memory of the dinner with both of you.” He made a point of stressing the word both so that they would be clear about his meaning. “Now… We’re here to talk about the 3 of us, a plural relationship.”

Jeff paused while both of them nodded, Stacy having a thrill of emotion at his words. “If you both want this, then I am very much willing to try, to make it work. I know what the life of a pilot is and I’m pretty sure that of a Marine is even less fun in terms of relationship dynamics. Stacy, whatever you wind up doing may well be just as difficult as either of our choices but none of us can ask the others to change who they are… what they are… nor should we. This way of doing things… of finding and keeping love and family… is fairly common among Marines, a little less so with regular Navy but in civilian life is much more uncommon.”

“I don’t really know what is normal… I’ve always been pretty isolated. I didn’t even realize I was any different from other kids until I heard the doctor talking and it took me a while to process it but when I did it made so much sense of… things my dad taught me… like how there wasn’t really any difference between being male or female, really… I think he must have been like me, or maybe my mom was… maybe he was my mom… I don’t guess I’ll ever know now.” Stacy had to take a moment to get back on track.

“Anyway, I don’t really have any sort of reference for what is or isn’t normal with other people and I don’t much care. I know it seems fast and maybe it is but somehow I’ve managed to develop feelings for both of you. You’ve both let me know of your willingness to give this a try and I… I can’t see another way forward that wouldn’t hurt at least 2 out of 3 of us. If this dinner, this moment, is anything to go by then I think we will all be better and happier for it.”

It took a few seconds for both men to digest all she’d said but the smiles slowly spreading on each face mirrored her own and at that moment, she knew that this would be her future, her family even if she never found any other.

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The once spacious caverns of Archangelsky University’s campus had become a buzzing hive of humanity filled with refugees who’d fled there from the nearby cities for survival, far more of them than anyone expected given the bombardment that had been a part of the war’s beginning. Even with nearly 1 million souls spread out amongst various homesteads and production centers the university’s population had swollen to nearly 5 million from it’s previous 50 thousand and what had been largely empty caverns sealed off to give ample room for experiments and simple roaming were now fully utilized, crops growing everywhere people were not and most of the places they were too. The effect was deceptively beautiful, green and vibrant with activity everywhere masking just how desperate things had been in the early days and how precarious they still were.

“Lissa, can you bring me that spanner? I can’t manage to put this thing down just now…” the young woman balanced a large chunk of unidentifiable machinery on a work table in a precarious position and used an elbow to point at the tool in question. Her stepmother didn’t react for a moment before she pulled her attention from the screen and reached over to supply the spanner.

“Steph, you need to get to a stopping point soon. I want you cleaned up when Shan gets home. I have something very important to share with the whole family and we’re going to want to go out after, ok? That means scrub under your nails and put on a clean shipsuit…” The older woman thought about asking for more but if she got a clean(ish) young woman she’d be happy. She wondered if she should have told them immediately but this was just too important to not have the entire family together and she managed to hold her own excitement down to a bare simmer, focusing on getting her own work done so she could be free.

She was pulled back out of her work focus by a head blocking her view before planting a quick kiss on her lips and moving into the next room. “What is so important you had to get us all together Liss? I had to shuffle bioengineering 508 off to Ben and you know him, he’ll want some sort of favor in return. How that stuffy old git manages to retain a teaching position with his attitude is beyond me but I guess it takes all kinds… and he is a talented researcher.”

If Elissa had responded her wife wouldn’t have heard it as she was off into another room already. She knew Shannon would take 10 minutes or so to clean up and change which gave her 5 to finish her work and another 15 before all the kids arrived. Preparations were mostly completed, not that there was much to do but she wanted to keep herself busy so Shannon didn’t have time to question her as she was certain she’d let the secret slip before time if she didn’t have a ready misdirection. Work of some sort sufficed and trying to get her stepdaughter to give cleaning and dressing more than a lick and a promise definitely qualified as work!

She was back into her work when she felt a gentle kiss on her cheek and heard a murmured “I know what you’re doing…” but before she managed to turn around Shannon had disappeared again and she smiled wryly to herself. If she’d had any idea, Shannon wouldn’t be so willing to wait but her news was still highly secret so she was confident only 4 others at the University knew. It would all be public in another 4 days but her family could be trusted to hold information for much longer than that and even Steph had sufficient clearance to hear if there was need. This might be slightly a liberal interpretation of need but no one questioned her when she made her intentions clear earlier and she was fairly certain no one would think to do so later.

By the time Elissa had finished her work, managed to find something more presentable than just a clean shipsuit for Steph and cajoled her into wearing it by mentioning a certain boy they’d likely see later in the evening it was time and Shannon had everyone else sitting in the common area enjoying their intoxicant of choice. She joined them and took a sip of her own drink, welcoming that first burn as she readied herself.

“You all know the Hermes was thought to have survived. Today we received a communication from an intelligence source telling us that not only did she survive but her own casualties were fairly light. We don’t have a crew roster yet but there is a very high degree of confidence that James and most of his crewmates are alive and well out near Hephaestus Station.” Elissa paused and shared in the moment of warm hugs and happy almost-tears.

“There’s more. Phobos Station has determined that the fleet which boosted from Saturn orbit is bound for Neptune. We still don’t have a clear ID on them but expect clarification on that soon from the locals. We’re assuming they are a hostile Earther fleet and its just possible we may be able to get 3 of the new ships completed in time enough to have them ready to lend aid to the Hermes if we really hustle. This has to be an all hands operation once it passes a vote of the Council so there will be some reassignments going forward. Eric, you’ll likely get a CAG slot given your experience and we have every confidence you’ll do as well as anyone possibly could.”

Beth looked a little sad at that. It was something close to a miracle Eric had survived the bombardments and the battle surrounding them and she dreaded her husband going back out to make war almost as much as his mother did. Dread did not, however, equal unwillingness and that was as clearly illustrated as possible by the dark haired young man who sat just a little apart, stiff in a uniform and way of life that was new to him but to which he’d sworn himself when his wife, Elissa’s daughter, was killed in the same battle. There would be private tears but none of them would even think to ask either young man not to go, not in this room at least.

“Rod, your scores from training will likely give you a wing leader spot. This next training phase will be crucial so you’re going to have to stop trying to hide amongst your peers. You’re far and away the best of them and you know it as well as they do but you’ve made it clear to everyone that you don’t want promotion. In the process you’ve proven just how thoroughly you’re suited for command and its time for you to step up.” Elissa tried to hide her smile of pride as the young man who had become an adoptive son to her gulped a little, then managed to look even stiffer than before, this time with a slightly constipated expression.

“What about me? I’m an ace technician and I can be ground crew even if they won’t let me fly yet!” Steph looked like she was about to vibrate out of her chair with excitement. “Can’t you make some kind of waiver or something?”

That broke the tension and drew a general laugh. The girl had been agitating to follow her brother into service since he’d gone off to the Academy when she was in her first year of school and she’d become even more focused since the war began. No one who knew her had any question that when the time came she would serve with distinction but it wasn’t quite time for that yet.

“You know full well there’s no sort of waiver that will let a 15 year old join up. You’re lucky they let you into JROTC a year early and even that required massaging a few rules. You focus on your studies and if you can finish your degree by your 17th birthday your mother and I will talk about it. Sound ok to you?”

Elissa shot her a mock glare and the younger woman glared right back. “Do I have a choice?”

“Not even a little bit of one young lady. Liss is right and I’m not too certain I’ll sign that waiver even then. All of this depends on how you do between here and there so stop demanding something you know we can’t give.” Shannon’s tone belied her words and the whole scenario drew another laugh from the assembled family as Steph stuck her tongue out at her mother. “Now just to be evenhanded about it we will let you work limited hours in one of development shops so you’ll get some hands on experience and make a contribution now, when its most needed. Foggy agreed to keep an eye on you so… Oomph”

Her words were cut off by her daughter trying to hug her to death while jumping up and down at the same time. “You’re welcome now let go before you break a rib or something! Geez you’re strong!”

“Sorry momma… I’m just… so happy and excited and a little scared and… I’m just so glad Jamie’s ship made it and I hope he did and…” she trailed off, uncertain how to talk about her feelings. “I’m just a little overwhelmed, I guess. I’m not handling myself very well, am I?”

Shannon pulled her daughter back into a tight hug of her own. “You’re doing just fine honey. Better than I would have at your age, with all this. You’re stronger than me that way, more like your brother and your mom. Now go change out of those work boots and put some casual shoes on so we can all go have dinner, ok?”

“But these boots are soooo comfortable!”

“And soooo… not right with that outfit. Green flats, black piping, it ties in with the overall color scheme and works with your eyes. The silver infinity necklace and the earrings to go with it. Go on, you know you like everything I mentioned!”

The last was addressed to Steph’s back as she clomped out of the room. The wait was a bit longer than expected but when she came back in it was obvious she’d taken the time to make more of an effort, even adding a little makeup which was rarer than getting her out of a shipsuit or uniform.

“Well I can see we have a little protecting to do whenever our little sister decides to take an interest in something other than books or engines! You look very nice Stephie!” Her oldest brother complimented, to agreement from the others.

“Thanks Eric…” Elissa smiled as Steph looked down. She knew full well the awkward stage the girl was in right now, having seemingly sprouted in every direction at once and not yet used to the way she’d changed in the past 2 years, not yet comfortable with her own attractiveness.

“Massetti’s or Nguyen’s?” Her question deflected attention from Steph and allowed her to recover herself for a moment while the subject was roundly debated and the die cast in favor of French-Viet cuisine. They set off happily chattering amongst themselves with Elissa bringing up the rear, hand in hand with her wife.

“She’s growing up so fast… I swear it seems like it took longer with Jamie.”

“Its always too fast, love. Never enough time in all the world to love them.” Elissa squeezed Shannon’s hand and gave her a quick kiss. The two women followed their brood of children, content for the moment to savor the togetherness, to make memories to carry them through what may yet come.

“Massetti’s or Nguyen’s?” Her question deflected attention from Steph and allowed her to recover herself for a moment while the subject was roundly debated and the die cast in favor of French-Viet cuisine. They set off happily chattering amongst themselves with Elissa bringing up the rear, hand in hand with her wife.

“She’s growing up so fast… I swear it seems like it took longer with Jamie.”

“Its always too fast, love. Never enough time in all the world to love them.” Elissa squeezed Shannon’s hand and gave her a quick kiss. The two women followed their brood of children, content for the moment to savor the togetherness, to make memories to carry them through what may yet come.

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And now…

Sean looked up from her work to watch Ken dropping the girder into place in the brackets, closing the doors against bitter cold and whatever else might be out there. He started shedding clothing almost immediately but still took a little time before he was down to his thermals and had everything stacked in his careful methodical way.

“So we’re not leaving this morning?” She asked, glad that he had his back turned and couldn’t see her half-smirk.

“I don’t think we’re leaving anytime soon… its been like this for 2 days now and I don’t see any sign of it letting up. On the plus side, it’s a fair bet that nothing else is moving in this either and it has pretty thoroughly camouflaged any track either of us may have left. The last storm like this lasted almost 3 weeks and the winds were over 200 KPH. Its basically not survivable outside of a really decent shelter…” He paused for a moment. “Did you run into any storms like this on the way down here?”

“4 of them. I had to find shelter and just stay in place until it let up but I don’t recall any of them lasting 3 weeks. Maybe the storms aren’t as nasty farther north?” She started closing her work down, verifying each segment of code before shifting it to her semifinal working file.

“I guess that makes sense… there’s more heat transfer going on in more southern latitudes although if I had to guess it seems like the major ocean currents haven’t been disrupted totally. I think the ice gets thinner out where we were because of the warm water from the Gulf Stream but even that doesn’t keep it clear. There’s a zone about 10 miles further out where the ice is still pretty thick but its all broken up and I wasn’t willing to go any further out on it.”

“That was likely a good call, Ice like that can open up under you with no warning. On the plus side, this means we can be fairly certain even deep rivers will be fully frozen over and not present serious obstacles.” She laughed at his bemused expression. “You can’t tell me you didn’t take that into account. I’ve been through the inventory.”

“I did” he admitted, a little grudgingly. “But I didn’t count on it, that’s why I sealed them up the way I did. In an emergency there’s enough juice stored to run fully submerged for up to a week but that all depends on surviving a fall through the ice with an intact vehicle. Not a chance I want to take if I can avoid it but the further south we get the more likely something like that is. That’s one of the functions of the tanks, to test ice and terrain if needed. Their weight puts more point loading on the ground than anything else and if the surface can stand one of those running over it the greater weight distribution of the train as a whole won’t be a problem. At the very worst we lose a tank but its pretty likely those will survive if they fall through and be able to make it back out under its own power.”

Sean finished closing out her work and stood, stretching to get the kinks out from the long period sitting in one position. “That’s pretty amazing. I can’t say I would have ever considered a submarine tank but it totally works!”

Ken blushed behind his beard and she grinned at him, arching her back a little as she stretched. “I can’t say it hurts my feelings to sit here in comfort for a while. I didn’t realize how worn down I was at first but a couple of days without the constant routine of traveling brought it home pretty solidly. Even the fishing trip was more fun than I’d had in ages… outside of bed that is.” She felt her face heat as she thought about the time they’d spent entwined in each other.

Ken moved over to the kitchen area and lifted the lid on a pot, tasting the contents and replacing the lid. “Maybe another hour till its ready. We’re going to be a little heavy on the canned seafood right now because a lot of that stuff expires within the next year and I hate the thought of wasting it.”

“That’s ok, I’m eager to try a few of the things you’ve described. You must have spent quite a bit of time assembling these meal plans from the level of detail I saw?”

“More than a little bit I’m afraid. The imagination tends to run away a bit when you’re so utterly alone… thinking about food is an easy way to lose yourself in memories. Everything there is ranked by expiration dates, that kind of thing.” Ken grinned at her and she felt his mirth. “I went a little food-mad when I discovered a mostly intact supermarket a while back. For a while there I dreamed about food every night, thought about it constantly while I was working or whatever. I gained a lot of weight just then but I was working really hard so not much of it went to fat and when I stopped doing so much heavy physical work I had to deliberately reduce my intake. That was when I sat down and planned everything out. I built in allowances for fresh catch, that sort of thing... I guess it all needs rebalancing now but I built the spreadsheet out so that it could handle just plugging the foods in and letting it recalculate for an altered caloric load so its easily enough done. It can be weighted by food preferences too… I just couldn’t think of anything I wanted to favor that way.”

“Luckily MRE’s last practically forever so I can put them at the bottom of the list… If I never have to eat another it’ll be too soon!” Sean made a show of shuddering. “I took a look at the kitchen you installed. The way you put that together is really something. You can definitely tell you’ve had a lot of experience with cramming loads of stuff into very small spaces.”

“Comes from messing around with boats since forever and loving to cook. I’ve had a lot of time over the years to refine my idea of what a galley should be and how it should be built. I’ll still be sorry to leave this kitchen though… it might be a little spare but it has space and that’s the one thing I couldn’t build in.” He shrugged and came to sit across from her, reaching down and sharing a quick kiss on the way.

Sean reached up and traced a fingertip over her lips lightly, unaware she’d done it until after. “I’m glad you’re back in. It feels safe and solid in here, with you… I haven’t felt any of that in so long.”

Ken leaned over and took her hand. “I’m the one who has been here and fairly safe while you were out there by yourself but you being here makes me feel safer too. Its like I’m slowly waking up from a very long nightmare and realizing half of it was real… and yet, even in the middle of all of that there’s this bright spot… there’s you.”

They kissed again and both leaned back, content to be in each other’s company for the moment and secure in the warmth of what had quickly become more than just a shelter.

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Nimashet woke to an alarm from a monitoring station indicating the sudden termination of communications with one of her stealthy remote arrays. She made her way over to her primary workstation and brought up the logs for that and the others in close proximity, poring over them until it became clear that someone had located and deactivated it. She pondered for a few moments, certain this meant the loss of her eyes and ears on at least one ship, the one she least wanted to lose. Oddly enough another array which was very close was still active even though it had apparently been examined and put back into place.

There wasn’t anything to be done about any of it at this point though. She triggered a full sensor dump from the still active neighboring array and went back to her interrupted sleep, aware that the download would take at least an hour or two to complete. She was tired enough to fall back into sleep almost immediately and came back to awareness to the barely audible ping indicating a completed download. Rather than rushing into the work that awaited her she took a careful 30 minutes to prepare and eat a meal before sitting back at the workstation with a cup of hot tea in hand.

Another 30 minutes later she sat back and took a sip of her now cool tea, barely noticing in her excitement. The download revealed irregular movement in a spot which should see no traffic at all in normal circumstances. It was too random to be truly random and she recognized the signs of someone doing their best to be deliberately unpredictable. It was barely possible this was the result of an extremely well executed deception but there wasn’t enough information to decide. She sent out another query, this time more targeted toward other areas she had under observation and surrounding the times when movement showed in her existing data.

This data grab would take a significant time, several more hours but she was willing to take her time. Even if one of her bugs was discovered she was fairly certain their method of communication would remain a mystery to the finder since it did not use any form of radiation to avoid any betraying emissions. Instead they used a tiny gravity generator on a chip she’d designed to send micropulses of gravitational disturbance calculated to induce a harmonic in the ship’s gravity generators. This was small enough to remain unnoticed unless you were looking for it with the exquisitely sensitive detectors she had designed to complement them and gave her another bonus.

Gravitational pulses did not obey the same speed limit as light since they propagated through the fabric of spacetime itself. It wasn’t instant communication by any means but it was so much faster than any other form available that a distance measured in light-minutes only incurred a second or two lag time in communications. The downside was low bandwidth, hence the hours-long download times she had to deal with. Given the circumstance and the fact that literally no one else had this technology it was an acceptable limitation for the degree of stealth it enabled.

Nimashet spent the next several hours waiting, working on a new encoding scheme she’d designed in the past weeks which promised to yield a significant increase in bandwidth with the side benefit of another layer of encryption due to the compression method she’d devised. When her downloads were all complete she set started a search routine designed to pull out the patterns of movement and plot pathways. It took a few minutes but when she saw the result she felt her lips pulling upwards in a way that had become unfamiliar for her. It took a moment to realize that what she was feeling was a savage and predatory sort of joy.

She had her rats in the plumbing and they were apparently very stealthy rats too… now to see just how many of the other Earther ships had the same problem…

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Higalik performed her final check on the module she’d just finished, verifying for the 4th time that everything was within the tight tolerances she set for herself. The modules were designed to allow a certain amount of imprecision but her work ethic demanded she do the best she could with the tools and materials she had available. She almost started another check then mentally scolded herself for malingering.

This was the last of her work here and though she was excited at the prospect of the odyssey in store she was also a little afraid. Not afraid for her own life, not really… more that she would fail in some way and cause someone else to lose their life. That was the thing that caused her to obsessively check and recheck her work while continually driving herself to move faster without sacrificing quality even the tiniest bit.

There was a very real fear for her family and everyone else she know in the Saturn system, that if they failed in defeating the Earther fleet there would be reprisals but that fear also served to drive her determination to be the best she possibly could be. Along with that there was the uncertainty of all the interpersonal interactions shipboard life would require. She’d been away to university and mostly spent the trip there and back in her quarters or in the engineering spaces learning everything she could but those were small ships and her new home would have a crew of several thousand. Nothing in her experience had prepared her for that sort of thing.

She made her way back home , working through the usual unsuit and check routine automatically. Ilya greeted her warmly as she entered the common area and the 2 shared an embrace.

“So, tomorrow is the day, yes?” the other woman’s expression was solemn.

“Tomorrow is the day…” Higalik exhaled, almost a sigh “The day I go off to war.”

“I hope you know that we all support you. Look” Ilya pointed over to the main wall where family portraits hung. Sitting in front of the wall was a beautifully bonsaied dwarf oak with a yellow ribbon tied around its main trunk. “It is an old tradition from the North American Union dating back to the World Wars of the 20th century. It symbolizes our love for you and our hope for your safe return from the war. Mother brought the tree with her to Mars and brought it along when we escaped so I can’t think of any better way to express how we all feel about you.”

Higalik found her vision blurring with tears and had to swallow a few times to get the lump in her throat to relax. Her voice was still husky with emotion as she managed to get out her thanks and then had to hug her friend tightly while they both cried. “I’m going to miss you so much Ilya… You’ve become the sister I never knew I wanted or needed. I promise you this right now… If I am not killed in action I will be back and I will help untie that ribbon. When next I leave, it will hopefully be to do something other than make war. Exploring, construction… I don’t know.”

“I understand your destiny is out amongst the stars Higgy… I knew that the moment I met you. I’d thought maybe your brother had exaggerated that part of your being but being around you these past months has made it more clear than ever that you are not like us, not like settlers, people who are content to build a life in one place. Your very nature is to seek the unknown, to defend those who cannot defend themselves. It’s a good thing… Our universe demands your sort of person or the rest of us would now languish under the tyranny of a few.”

“Ilya, you give me too much credit. I’m no hero, no savior. I’m just a woman who sees what needs to be done and has the skills to do it. Nothing more.”

“You are wrong, sister. You are the cream which will rise to the top simply because it is where you belong. I watched the way you bossed the shipping crews and it was impressive. There was no doubt you were in charge but you never even gave an order, never a harsh word when someone screwed up, you just got right in there and helped unscrew it. Everything was phrased as a polite request and they were more than eager to do your bidding, to get your approval… and they got it. I have to say it was pretty amazing to watch grown men and women act that way toward someone their junior in both age and rank.”

“That’s as it may be Ilya but I won’t be bossing around transport crews shipboard. I don’t even know what I’ll be doing yet although I sincerely hope it isn’t kitchen duty. I don’t need “Poisoning half the ship” on my permanent record…”

“Have you seen your simulator scores? I know you’ve been spending at least 6 hours a day on it…”

Higalik frowned. “Why would I look at my scores? I keep losing scenarios and each time I win I lose the next level, over and over… it seems like I never make any progress…”

Ilya snatched up a tablet and poked about for a moment, bring up Higalik’s cumulative scores, split out by challenge-levels. The first thing she noted was the scoring system and that her scores were rated in the high 90th percentile at the very lowest.

“See? I haven’t gotten anything above a 98th percentile grade when everything went perfectly. Every percentage point off represents a casualty… its not good enough. I can’t go out there knowing I’ll lose at least one or two every single time. These scores make me not wing commander material, barely even EWO on a bomber. I’m afraid I won’t be good enough and because of it people will die.”

“You know, for such a brilliant woman you sure are a moron. If you’d bothered looking you’d notice that your scores are the highest amongst both the new recruits and the old experienced pilots. Your cumulative score is 96.99%, literally the highest scoring ever. The next closest is at 89.3% and he has 20 years experience on you. I don’t want you to get full of yourself or anything but you’re quite literally the best Saturn has to offer.”

“Then we’re in even deeper shit than I thought…” Higalik was interrupted by another hug, this one from her brother.

“Listen to her, little sister. It is not just our family that has faith in you, it is the entire planetary system. I know you bury yourself in your work and studies so you haven’t seen any of the gossip but you are being admired by most and practically celebrated by some. You have a fan club even!”

Higalik freed herself from his embrace. “Stop teasing me brother. No one knows who I am, why should they? I sit here and I make modules and in between I study and train. There’s nothing special about me at all.”

“Good, keep that attitude. It will serve you well Lieutenant.” Higalik looked over toward the voice and tried to hide behind her brother, finally giving it up as a bad deal and standing at attention to salute.

“Admiral! I had no idea you would be here tonight! Welcome to our humble home sir. Has anyone gotten you a drink?”

“We’re both in mufti here Lieutenant, no saluting necessary. I came to visit the most promising young officer in our incoming class. So much so that you have been given the rank of Lieutenant to begin with. If your testing and aptitude scores are any reflection of the performance I can expect you will rise in rank very quickly.” He held up a finger to forestall the protest he saw coming.

“This isn’t special treatment or favoritism. This is simply a case of identifying an outstanding talent and making the best possible use of her. For us to do otherwise would constitute dereliction of duty and that’s all I intend to say on the subject. Understood?” He grinned at her to take the sting out of his tone.

“You’re going to start out bossing an assembly and testing crew but once we’ve got the first full wing flightworthy you will be out there training and practicing as our first operational Wing Commander. You need to understand that you’ll be training the rest of the best, the people who will become the other Wing Commanders. You’ll have 3 months to create an effective fighter component before we arrive and another month to drill in coordination with the Hermes’ contingents. If our intel is correct there will also be a couple of Martian ships coming to render assistance as well as a sizable contingent of smaller Belter craft.”

“That’s… I have no idea how to do that, sir. I think you’re putting way too much confidence in testing scores here.” Higalik privately wondered just what sort of rabbit-hole she’d wandered down and whether she was dreaming all of this.

“Its not just your testing scores Lieutenant. It is your entire educational and work history, psychological profiles… literally every yardstick we have available to measure command talent puts you at the very top of the ratings. You’re not just suited for command, you’re born to it. It is as instinctive to you as breathing. Others recognize that in you and it gives them confidence, helps them to reach their own potential. We desperately need that… we’re starting out with a bunch of hotshot pilots who need someone to chase, to emulate… and you are her. Get used to it.”

“I’ll do my best, sir…”

“That’s all anyone can ever ask. Now, since we’re here in an informal setting, please call me Rob. May I call you Higalik?” he offered his hand in a clear gesture of personal greeting.

Higalik stared at it for a moment before remembering to respond, the turmoil of her thoughts causing the hesitation. Recovering quickly, she took his hand a grasped it firmly. “Yes, s… I mean Rob.”

“Good. Now I understand your brother has been slaving away in a hot kitchen for our dining pleasure but I am well informed that it will be another 45 minutes before he is ready to present the final product of his labors. I for one would like a cocktail and I’d be most flattered if a certain promising junior officer would join me for a private conversation?”

It was phrased as an oblique request but Higalik knew it to be more along the lines of an order so she led him over to a secluded area after pouring them both a healthy glass of whisky.

“Higalik…”

“Higgy please, if we are to be on a first name basis in this setting.”

“Higgy then. I wanted to make sure you understand something but it isn’t the sort of thing that can be known amongst the command crew. You are going to be my eyes and ears. In a lot of ways I’m out of the loop when it comes to the crew. Its good because it means people are doing their jobs but it also means I might not be aware of issues that need my attention until they become actual problems. If you see an issue and can handle it or cause it to be handled, well and good but if not I want to know about it.”

“Sir... Rob… that sounds an awful lot like being a spy and I have to tell you I’m not at all comfortable with that. I’m no snitch and if that’s what you want me to be I’ll tell you right upfront you won’t get shit from me, ever… and that includes my respect!” Higalik’s glare could have scorched holes in steel.

“Whoah there Lieutenant.” The admiral made a quelling gesture. “I’d never ask you to do anything like that and if you’d offered to do it I’d have lost any respect for you as well. I’m just asking you to do the same thing every junior officer is expected to do… but you’re not going to be a junior officer for very long and I want you be able to hit the ground running and in the process enhance our overall effectiveness. I will never ask you to betray a confidence that does not have direct bearing on the combat effectiveness of ship or crew but if its something you need help getting sorted I want you to come to me. Can you accept that?”

“I couldn’t accept anything less. Thank you for that si… Rob.” She was aware her feelings of relief showed on her face and for once she was glad of it.

“I’m glad we put that to rest. In fact, I’m glad you confronted me the way you did. It shows a strength of character we will sorely need in days to come and enhances my already high opinion of you. Now there’s only so much I can say until we get underway but I think you’ll find your duties will be… rather far afield from the expectations you’ve been given. You will be making far greater use of your studies than any of us had imagined.” His face was impassive as stone.

“I’m not sure I understand?”

“Just enjoy that for a little while. Soon enough you will understand far more than you ever wished. For now, let us enjoy this excellent whiskey and speak of more pleasant things, yes?” He waited for her slight nod of agreement. “I understand your family has a rather happy occasion tomorrow, one which I feel privileged to witness. I have known Ilya literally from the moment she was born and I could not think of a finer mate for her than your brother. It warms this old heart to see love blossom in the middle of…”

He stopped himself. “Happy thoughts, yes?”

They sat together in silence until the summons to dinner came.

“I’m not sure I understand?”

“Just enjoy that for a little while. Soon enough you will understand far more than you ever wished. For now, let us enjoy this excellent whiskey and speak of more pleasant things, yes?” He waited for her slight nod of agreement. “I understand your family has a rather happy occasion tomorrow, one which I feel privileged to witness. I have known Ilya literally from the moment she was born and I could not think of a finer mate for her than your brother. It warms this old heart to see love blossom in the middle of…”

He stopped himself. “Happy thoughts, yes?”

They sat together in silence until the summons to dinner came.

********************************************************************************************************************************

And Now

Carolina focused on the device she’d been working on for the past several days. She’d found several others like it and from what she could tell of the one she examined they were definitely monitoring devices of some type but how they passed their data on she had no clue, at least at first. It was only when she dissected the controlling code and examined its most basic components that she realized the routines she was looking at had been designed to damp flutter in gravitational fields. From there it was a very short leap to the realization that this was a communications device using that very gravitational flutter to convey information.

When the realization hit her she’d sat there staring into space for at least 30 minutes, pondering the implications. Clearly someone out there had an interest in both knowing what was happening aboard this ship and keeping that fact secret but why monitor the spaces she was using? They had to be on the lookout for someone like her hiding in the innards of the ship but to what end? Was this a threat or a possible helping hand and how would she be able to know before it was too late?

In the end she was left with a fairly simple binary decision. She’d decoded enough of how the device worked to be able to use it for a very simple message, just 3 letters. Once she made the final connection she realized she’d actually made her decision days before when she started working and there was nothing for it but to send. She would die, no matter what. The only question would be how many she took with her.

************************************************************************************************************************

Nimashet stared at her display, elated and puzzled. Once she’d worked out the encoding the message was clear and at the same time incomprehensible. It was just 3 letters… “IFF”.

She forced herself to put it out of her mind for the moment, parsing the newest data she had. Her hopes of finding “rats in the plumbing” on the other ships was bearing fruit on at least one other ship and possibly on yet a third. The second ship was intriguing because there appeared to be 2 of them although they were very stealthy indeed. Whatever they were doing had them very near essential control runs but in extremely inaccessible spaces and suggested they were hiding their work, whatever that may be. After several hours she leaned back and allowed herself a cup of tea, sitting there staring out at the stars in the main bridge display. Her thoughts turned to classifications of stars and suddenly the answer was there, blazing in her mind’s eye.

“IFF”… It was an old acronym for systems that allowed combatants to recognize who was who… “Identification: Friend or Foe”.

Her “rat” was asking if she was a friend or an enemy! How should she respond? The encoding had to be equally simple and unmistakable but nothing seemed to be both short and clear enough. In truth she was neither friend nor foe but she was something possibly more important and that answered the question. She would send a single letter, as clear as she could make it and as truthful as she absolutely had to be.

So her reply went out, repeating every 30 seconds for a 10 minute cycle, pausing for 3 hours, then repeating.

“A”

For while it may be true that she could not be a friend, neither of them needed friends just now. Allies… that was the most important thing they could be to each other.

********************************************************************************************************************

Chandra eyed the closing door with relief. His last meeting for the day had gone better than expected but sometimes these things could be incredibly tedious and he couldn’t manage to keep the pressure from knotting up his neck and shoulder muscles. It would be some time before he could properly relax though, so he contented himself with a few head rolls and a little stretching which helped some. Distractions out of the way, he picked up his tablet and began to plow through the ever increasing number of approvals and sign-offs required of him each day. His own sense of duty required that he read each one thoroughly to ensure it was as it should be which meant at least another 2 hours before he could go to his quarters and eat something he’d pick up at one of the kitchens on the way.

His new routine was decidedly different to that of a project engineer, even one of such a massive and all-encompassing project as building a new subterranean city under very nearly the worst conditions possible. This at least had the benefit of regular hours though he sorely missed the time hashing out details with his teams until all hours of the night. Those meetings had a camaraderie that was lacking in the life of a government minister although he had gained a new appreciation for the long hours his mother worked as he grew up.

Some while later he came to the end of the day’s paperwork and shut his tablet down, stretching again and taking a moment to simply lean back and relax before rising to exit his office. He made his way through the security checkpoints with a minimum of fuss, taking a few moments to engage in pleasantries before making his way to the kitchen closest to the route between his office and quarters. The fare on offer was greatly improved from a few months ago and he’d just made up a container to carry back to his quarters when a voice interrupted his musing.

“I thought I would be glad to eat alone after so long eating in cafeterias but I find that once the gladness has gone only the alone part remains.” It wasn’t the sort of voice you find in advertisements but there was something about it that made him turn to face the woman who’d spoken.

“Ironic, isn’t it?” He grinned at her moue of distaste. “I was thinking something along the same lines when I saw you here yesterday. I’m Chandra and you are?”

“Annoushka but call me Anna please.”

“Would you care to share a meal with me?”

“Here?”

“If you like. I do have a favorite place I like to go occasionally if you prefer a better setting.”

“I’m up for it. Lead on!” Anna finished assembling her container and sealed it up, running through checkout right behind him. There wasn’t any actual money exchanged, just deductions from their personal dietary allowances but those had to be monitored to ensure there was enough for all.

They walked through the largely empty corridors side by side until Chandra led her into a maintenance accessway. This passage was considerably narrower so they walked single file until he opened another hatch to lead her onto a walkway overlooking one of the recreation spaces that had been completed recently. It was a lush green space surrounding a huge salt water pool, due to open the following week along with several similar spaces but uninhabited at this point.

“Wow…” she breathed, taking it all in. “I knew these places were almost ready to open but this is… so much more than the picture I had in mind!”

Chandra grinned happily. “I’m very happy with the way they’ve turned out. I wish I could take you down there to have a proper picnic but right now the grass is a no traffic zone.”

Anna turned to him with a smile “I’m just so glad to see green growing things. Not that I’m complaining but its so… dreary…”

“That’s putting it mildly. We’ve worked so hard to survive, all of us… now that we’ve accomplished the basics we have time for spaces like this. In another 4 or 5 years a lot of the dust will have cleared and the surface will be habitable again so spaces like this won’t be as important but for now they are our only way to remember what should be. Spacers build green spaces into their ships and stations for the same reason.”

“I never realized that…” Anna mused. “I just assumed it was part of the air recycling.”

“Oh it serves some of that function“ Chandra was warming to the subject “but its not terribly efficient. Most of the air cycling work is done in algae tanks or the aeroponics bays. Spaces like this are almost purely for the animal in us.”

“I can see that. Just being in this space has helped somehow, released some of a weight I didn’t even realize I was carrying. This was your idea?”

“No, I was too busy trying to get the basics going to even think about anything else. It was actually something my mother put on my plate, then overruled me when I tried to delay it as wasteful. I’m afraid the only credit I can take was having the sense to say ‘Yes, Mother’ when I was clearly outmatched.” Chandra grinned and opened his container, sniffing appreciatively at the rising steam.

“Smart boy!” Anna returned his grin and followed suit, inhaling the aromas of her own meal. “Has there been any contact from outside yet?”

“Depends on what you mean by contact.” She arched an eyebrow at him in question. “We’ve had some spotty radio contact with Saturn and Mars but the atmospheric interference is too much to get a decent signal through without the new equipment. We’ve gotten a few transmissions that seem to be from earth but there’s no way to tell where. The way atmospheric skip plays with radio signals getting anything reliable or even intelligible for more than a few seconds is almost impossible.”

“You’re so sure we’re not the only ones?”

“I don’t see how we could be. Our models say the southern parts of Kerala and Tamil Nadu should be habitable but there’s a great deal more heat exchange going on near the oceans and to the south so the weather is likely pretty bad at times. North of us? We don’t have the beginnings of a clue. We know it’s a great deal colder than here but you have to add in the massive earthquakes the impact caused. We had a couple of 8.8 or 8.9 tremors and they devastated the city but the truly major quakes were further north and east.”

“How much worse than what we got can it get? That was… absolutely the most terrified I have ever been and it just went on and on… I can’t see how anything could survive worse.” Anna realized she was unconsciously hunching her shoulders with the stress of memory and made an effort to relax.

“We got the tail end of it. One series of big strikes in China were right along the fault lines and everything cut loose in a chain all the way across the mountains and the surrounding regions. Between that and the entire Pacific Rim going off all at once nowhere in China got under a 9.5 magnitude quake. Right before our equipment was destroyed we recorded an 11.5 magnitude in Tibet and that has been the accepted theoretical maximum.” Chandra shrugged. “I can’t imagine it myself.”

“It seems a little insane that even we survived and have rebuilt as much as we have so far. I credit your mother and you for that.”

“I don’t.”

She gave him an incredulous look. “Ok, I get that you deflect from yourself, you seem like the kind of guy who would do that but your mother? She is an inspiration to us all! This exists because of her leadership!”

“Had she not been here to take up that position by default it would have fallen to someone else just as well qualified who would likely have made largely the same decisions.”

“Someone like your brother you mean?” Anna instantly regretted her words as Chandra frowned and took a bite of his food, chewing thoughtfully.

“Ok I take your point. I just don’t understand people like him. I do think Mother has done a great job… Its just that I think we have many talented administrators who could have performed the task equally well.”

It was Anna’s turn to chew in silence for a moment. “I’m not arguing that. She was the right person at the right time. Just enough public recognition for people to be aware of her spotless reputation without being someone who was divisive in any major ways so most voters who were thinking of something besides themselves saw her as the best choice. At the time having your brother on her side was a positive in people’s eyes, more so than you were.”

“Really?” he examined her face, smiling a little as she flashed him a grin. “I guess I’ve just been so buried in work I’ve never looked up to see things like that…”

“That is one of the things people admire about you. They see you working all hours of the day and night because you’re dedicated to getting it right instead of just getting it done. You have a reputation too, for being unswervingly honest and direct. You say what exactly what you mean, no embellishments, no appeal to ego, no guile whatsoever, no matter who you’re talking to. Before all of this that got you in trouble but now others push themselves to be better because of your example… even me.”

“That’s just so weird…” Chandra shook his head. “I can’t imagine anyone looking up to someone like me.”

“Someone like you? What do you mean by that?”

“A semifunctional autistic.” Chandra felt himself starting to withdraw emotionally and mashed his thumbnail into the side of his index finger, letting the brief flare of pain steady him.

“Semifunctional? What sort of mean spirited asshole put that into your head?” Anna had to clamp down on the hot little spike of anger that snuck into her words.

“Its true. I had to go to a special school for people like me until I went to University. I didn’t fit well with the other students because I didn’t understand the things they said. I don’t understand emotional cues like other people.”

“So?” Her tone was sharp, almost argumentative and she immediately regretted it. “Just because people aren’t clear about what they mean doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”

“If only it were that simple. People deliberately try to obscure what they mean or make you think they are saying something different to what they are actually saying. I can usually spot an outright lie but sometimes I have to sit and think about less direct forms of untruthfulness. It’s a part of why I love what I do because there’s no room for any of that. Numbers can’t lie.”

Annoushka thought for a moment before she replied. She knew this conversation was terribly important even though she didn’t fully understand why and that knowledge made it clear what she had to do and say to avoid hurting the man she had seen as stoic and now understood was just as human as she.

“I can’t tell you I will never lie to you in any way because there are times when obscuring or smoothing something over will help work toward getting an objective accomplished.”

Chandra thought about that for a moment. Only his mother and one treasured friend had ever understood him enough to make their promises clear. “Fair enough. I’m sure there is more to be done before we understand each other but can you please tell me…” He trailed off, uncertain how to say what he felt.

“What my intentions are?”

He looked up from staring at his hand where it rested on his leg and trembled ever so slightly from the tension. “Please?”

“I don’t know yet. I find you fascinating and alluring and… sexually attractive.” She smiled at him and watched how tense his expression was.

“I can’t…”

“Neither can I. I have to have feelings for someone to be able to do things like that.”

Chandra had to stop and think about what she’d said. “I… Um… do you think?”

Annoushka couldn’t help smiling. “Yes, I think. I think I would like to date, spend time together, learn about you and you learn about me. Right now I am very attracted to you… emotionally and sexually.”

“I… um… I can’t…. um…” Chandra was trying to get to his feet, the impulse to flee almost overwhelming when he felt the hand on his arm. So gentle… no pressure at all yet she kept him from getting up, kept him rooted to the spot where he couldn’t get away and somehow instead of feeling like an attack he could tell it was done out of genuine concern.

“I’m not going to pressure you Chandra. I have been honest about what I would like to happen and I don’t want you to agree because its what I want. Take your time, ok?”

Chandra eased himself back into a sitting position and sat there with his legs crossed and his hands resting on his knees. He breathed deeply for a moment, feeling some level of calm seep back into him. “I’m sorry…” he finally said. “I’ve never done that before. I was overwhelmed for a moment and a flight response kicked in. Thank you for stopping me.”

“I’m glad you stopped.”

“I do want. To get to know you, to date… maybe more. I’ve never done anything like that though so I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to try stupid things out of books. I will likely make a great many mistakes.”

Anna rested her hand on his arm again. “I’d say you did pretty well for a first date. Don’t worry about it so much though. If I object to something I’ll let you know about it clearly and the same if I like something, ok?”

“You’re making this far less terrifying than I had envisioned.”

“Less terrifying huh? I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone say that but it’s a good place to start.” Anna took both of their now emptied containers and nestled them together to make them easier to carry. “I am tired and need to sleep and I expect you do too. Would you like to meet back here tomorrow after work?”

“I would, very much” Chandra was surprised at the depth of feeling behind his response.

Rhysling’s Rue - Chapter 22

“Clyde, get your ass over here and help with this thing!” Roy glared over at his brother who was finishing a cut with his usual careful slowness.

“Then grow a fuckin brain cell and put it down till I’m done! I’m not gonna rush just cause you want to go moon over a woman who doesn’t even know you exist!” Clyde carefully inspected the edges of his finished cut, taking a trimmer and making a minute adjustment before nodding to himself in approval.

“She does too, I saw her lookin at me just yesterday!”

“Have you looked at your shipsuit lately Roy? She was probly tryin not to ralf on ya.” He helped his brother fit the panel that had started the discussion into place before triggering the molecular welds. “Besides, I don’t think she has any time for that sort of thing and certainly not for the likes of us. Maria likes you, why not go talk to her? Still out of your league but no harm in tryin, yeah?”

“Wiseass.” They spent a moment checking the welds. “You really think she likes me?”

“She bought you a drink dumbass. Yes, I think she likes you. Now go, take some time off. I’ve got a meeting for a new project.”

“Better you than me, brother. That shit makes my brain hurt.” Roy sauntered off, making his way out of the bay toward the dorms.

Clyde took a few more moments to stow tools and lock everything down before heading to officer’s country to get into proper uniform. It bothered him that officers got private quarters where enlisted were in barracks. Still, having the space and the private refresher was nice, even if his quarters were little more than a cubicle that reconfigured for his desired use and was just large enough to lie down in comfortably.

It took both a sonic shower and a water shower before he felt clean enough to put on his Undress Mess uniform and settle the maroon beret just so over his curly mop of blonde hair. Once satisfied every crease was sharp enough to shave with he made his way to the designated meeting room, deep within the most secure sections of R&D.

The room itself was unremarkable but the assemblage of top brass and legislators which occupied it made him fairly certain why he was there. Before he had time to get much further a voice cut through the low babble.

“Now that Commander Barrow has seen fit to join us we can begin.” Clyde blushed to his toes as all eyes turned to look at him. “Oh don’t worry yourself son, we weren’t really waiting on you. Get yourself a drink and lets all get settled cause we’re gonna be here for a bit. Food over on the sideboard if anybody gets peckish.”

The President of the Belter’s Confederation led by example, seating his powerful frame in a chair which seemed almost inadequate for his bulk. “We have further word from the Saturnians. As of yesterday they have launched not 2 but 4 of their new class of Strike Carrier! They should arrive well ahead of the Earther fleet at Uranus so there is a bit more hope. The Martians are on track for 3, possibly 4 of their own but launch windows are beginning to close. We all know Jupiter was hit quite badly and they have barely enough to survive but they are still sending a frigate…”

That news hit harder than he’d expected. That a nation as powerful as Jupiter had been before the war could only field a frigate? It felt cruel to ask even that but it would have dishonored the offer if they didn’t accept.

“Harlow… Can’t we like, sell em a ship on credit or something? I know they won’t accept a gift but they want to contribute and if those men are gonna die with us I’d like to make it count for something, do em a proper honor ya know?”

“Eloise… If any of us can figure a way you’ve got my full backing and I’m assuming the rest of you concur?”

There were nods and murmurs of agreement from all in the room, Clyde included. He still wasn’t used to being an elected official, it seemed just as odd a hat to wear as that of officer but he could see the sense in it and so agreed.

“Now Legislator Barrow, I believe you have some news for us?” Harlow Thompson steepled his giant fingers and regarded Clyde down the length of the table..

Clyde rose self-consciously, resisting the urge to straighten his uniform. “Your statement a moment ago brought my news an added dimension. I’ve managed to pull some whisker laser transmissions out of what we thought was random noise and discovered something quite astonishing. It’s a mathematical formula which will enable us to build immensely destructive weapons, ones that can take down a capital ship with just a few solid hits!”

He cleared his throat. “The problem is these things require quite a lot of fairly complex gravitics technology and building it is going to take time. Jupiter can furnish crew… I say we give them our entire capital fleet.”

The room erupted in pandemonium, finally silenced by the bellowing of the President. “Goddammit, sit down and shut up!” After everyone had found their seats again and order reigned he glared down the table at Clyde again.

“Son, I think you should explain yourself. You’re suggesting just giving our entire warfighting capability away to a nation that has been less than an ally at best?”

“No sir. I’m suggesting we give them our old generation of craft. Our production programs have better than tripled initial targets in the outlying production centers. With the new weapons we will go to battle with a fleet ten times as strong as we give away and still be seen as altruistic for giving our poor brethren in need a way to fight.” Clyde unconsciously squared his shoulders as he spoke.

“Damn, boy. You musta read Machiavelli young!”

“I think that mighta been Sun Tzu, maybe even Mitchell.”

“Hey, Pete and RePete, can we talk literary derivations later?” Harlow’s tone was teasing and the two Petes blushed as they settled back into their chairs.

“Last I heard those new ships were still 3 months in the pipeline. What the hell happened?”

“Skilled labor sir, and lots of it, mostly bringing heavy construction equipment with them. 10 new fabs came online just this week and each of them can pump out a Dreadnought in under a month, in time to make it for the battle.”

“Clyde, what the hell are you talking about? Dreadnoughts? The damn things are next to useless even if you build em around a giant cannon!”

The babble in the room continued along those lines before another bellow brought silence.

“I’m getting a little tired of sayin this, but son, you better explain yourself.” The glare and steepled fingers were back although Clyde thought he detected a glint of amusement. He was actually enjoying the show!

“Ok… its this simple. Fighters as we know them are now a liability.” It took another moment of babble before he could continue. “These new weapons are standoff capital ship killers and they aren’t small. They need a fairly large ship to carry enough of them and enough countermeasures to be an effective force. The most effective way to make that happen was to dust off some of the old Dreadnought designs and then modify the hell out of them. Lots more armor, firepower, massively overpowered engines and shields.”

“Fighters, in that environment? It’d be sending people on useless suicide missions. Even our new dreadnoughts will be vulnerable. Space warfare… all warfare I guess… has just changed completely. Carriers still have their uses but not in this sort of space battle.”

Clyde sat down, having said his piece.

“Mbotu, you’re the Admiral. What do you think.”

“Harlow… Mr President… Sir…”

“Dammit, just come out with it!”

“Do it. Every bit of it, and put everything we have into it. I’ve seen the weapons data sir and it is even more revolutionary than my young protégé suggests. More than that, share it in ways that can’t be intercepted by the Terrans. We can’t hold this for ourselves sir. The belt cannot be a new dictator!” His shoulder slumped. “Besides, we’ve been here before. The simple knowledge that it is possible will lead someone to the mathematics and…” he shrugged.

There was a long period of silence in the room before the President spoke.

“Ready to vote?”

No one responded.

“There being no further debate desired by the committee, I move we accept the recommendations of the Commander. Seconded?”

Both Petes raised their hands “Seconded” “And thirded”.

“Ok, lets see the nays.” No hands moved.

“The Ayes?” All hands raised.

“Then in my capacity as President of the Belters Confederation I certify this vote. Lets be about it folks.”

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

Katerina paced back and forth in her quarters, following a line she’d walked often enough to imagine even the hard decksole showed some residual mark. It had taken months for them to cobble together even just this tiny frigate that was all they had to offer and now she wasn’t even being allowed to launch! The frustration ate at her until she finally forced herself to sit and start reviewing the schematics she knew by heart.

She’d managed to allow it to occupy almost her full attention so the chime of her com was almost jarring. She slapped the com to open the link. “Chen.”

“Captain, your presence is requested in the Senate chambers at 28:10.” She recognized the voice as the Prime Minister’s secretary and was on the verge of asking why when the connection terminated with a little double beep.

She almost resumed her pacing but checked the time and realized she just had time to make it if she hurried. A quick change to full-dress uniform and she hurried to the shuttle bay, her pinnace closing up and moving even as she found her seat. Europa was a fast trip and soon she found herself descending through a seemingly endless lift which deposited her in a grand entrance area. She was quickly pulled to the side and into one of the doors which led to the Senate floor directly.

No one seemed to be interested in telling her anything about what was going on so when led to stand beside and in front of the dais she did so with a mixture of curiosity and dread. The gallery was as full as it could be with a quarter of the Senators dead or missing and she heard the commotion behind her which she assumed was the Prime Minister and the Speaker of the Senate taking their places.

The gavel confirmed it and the crier sounded the traditional convocation. With that the senate was in session.

“I’ll get right to the point here since we don’t have a lot of time.” The Prime Minister’s clear soprano dominated the room. “We have done our best to offer something to the war effort and we all know the best has been a single frigate. As doughty as the Prince Andrew is and stout of heart as we know her crew to be we all know it is a gesture made for honor, not for any real help we can lend.”

She waiting for the susurration of voices to subside. “We all knew this to be true but until now have not dared to speak it in this chamber. We all know why… none of us wanted to be the first to say we were beaten. That our nation wasn’t even on its knees anymore but lying prostrate, awaiting only the coup de grace.”

“Madam Prime minister…” the thickset middle-aged man who rose to speak twisted his hat into shapelessness in his hands. “We all know this. I don’t think any of us need to be told just how badly fucked we all are. Whats the point of all this?”

“Senator Sarko…” She paused… “Fyodor. You’re right, none of you need to hear how bad things were…” She paused for another moment to see the use of the past tense register on each face. “We have been offered a gift horse, ladies and gentlemen. The Belter’s Confederation has offered their entire order of battle to us, no strings. We have the trained personnel to crew them and I have accepted on our collective behalf.”

It took over 10 minutes for the general hubbub to die down enough to allow Speaker Molotov to re-establish order.

“We will abide by rules of order in this chamber!” his attempt at a stentorian bellow left much to be desired and was instead relayed by the sound system as a reedy whine. It had its desired effect however as the various Senators resumed their seats, almost every light lit as a request to speak.

“I know you have questions. I do too and this office is most definitely looking this particular gift horse in the mouth. They have openly admitted they are building an entirely new fleet which they expect to be ready in time to meet the Terrans at Uranus. There are new weapons designs that surpass anything we’ve ever even imagined and we’ll be working on how to integrate them into the existing ships we’re being given.”

“Here’s where it turns out we can actually make a real contribution to not just the war effort but the long term balance of power we all know needs to be established to end this war. We happen to have quite a bit of advanced gravitics research and fabrication capability and that’s one thing the Belters and Martians lack. These new weapons depend on those components and if we can make enough to outfit the combined fleets, even just partially… Then we stand a chance. A chance to fight our way to peace.”

One by one the lights signifying requests to speak had winked out until none were left.

“Until now, we could only offer our most decorated and senior naval officer the captaincy of a single ship. As of now, I submit to the Senate a request for her confirmation in the rank of Admiral, her duties to command the refit and the combat duties of the Jupiter Navy.”

The voting lights lit, every one of them blue in approval.

“Katerina Svoboda Chen, by unanimous approval of the Senate of the Jupiter Union you are promoted to the rank of Admiral and are now in command of the Jupiter Navy. May your actions bring honor to our ancestors!”

There were shouts of acclaim but Katerina had no time. She had to find out just what sort of Trojan Horse she’d been given and what the hell she could make out if it in time enough to make any difference at all. She strode out of the senate chamber, finding herself back in her pinnace before she quite realized it and was soon in her ready room just off the bridge going over the truly staggering amount of information from the Belter’s gift, noting they had already boosted harder than would have been possible with human crew… at least given the gravitics technology that had been state of the art.

Given the stated intent to provide the ships without crew she presumed that was precisely what the Belters were doing and it made perfect sense, even shaving more than 2 weeks transit time from previous estimates. She made an attempt at understanding the technology behind the new weapon and grasped the basics but got the data immediately to her science and engineering teams to see what they could manage to do with it.

One thing she was sure of, fighters had to be designed out of the equation and that made her ships useful in a somewhat limited way. All that space devoted to fighters and crew could be devoted to armaments instead although they wouldn’t have any way to retrofit anything like a launcher, at least not internally.

She backed off for a moment from the problem, let her mind wander back to old atmospheric fighters and bombers, even surface navies and suddenly the solution presented itself. She spent a few minutes speccing out a preliminary design and sent it over to her head of engineering, waiting for the incredulous response. When it hadn’t come after several minutes she was beginning to worry until suddenly her door slid aside to reveal a short balding man in a state of either anger or high excitement, she couldn’t quite tell which.

“Ok Pavel, out with it. What do you really think?” She quirked an eyebrow.

“Of all the goddamned misbegotten downright fucking insane things you’ve asked me to do over the years this has got to top the list! Do you have any idea how many man-hours are gonna have to go into building that fuckin feed system alone? You, Admiral, are straight up fuckin nuts.”

“So you can get it done in the timeline I need?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. What in hell possessed you to turn those things into torpedo boats?” Pavel scuffed at an imaginary spot on the decksole with his toe.

“Hey if you can think of a way to make them more combat effective with the new weapons I’m all for it. I got the idea from the old Earth surface navy in the first world wars. This way we can add a linear gravitic launcher and get almost the same effect as a launch tube. It should make for a nasty little surprise when they read us as transports and discount us to focus on the Belter Dreadnoughts.”

After another moment she softened her expression. “Now come give your grandmother a kiss and go get things moving, ok?”

Pavel crossed the room and brushed a very young-looking cheek with his lips.

“You know you can do it Pavel. We’re all depending on you.”

“Gee thanks Gran. No pressure there…” he muttered as the hatch closed behind him.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************

“How’d the test go?” Ted sighed with relief as he detached his legs, wiggling the stumps in freedom.

“We deliberately went for low yield and still got more than enough to punch a hole right through the Hermes. The energy transfer would be enough to rip the rest of the ship in half. The gravitics tech Jupiter shared was a hell of a boost!” Helen seemed both elated and a little subdued.

“So now you’re thinking you’re a dinosaur just waiting for the big rock?”

“Feels a little like that, yeah” she admitted, arching her back into her knuckles and stretching as she removed her own shipsuit.

“I’ve been thinking about it… Barrow was right when he said fighters were obsolete but this ship isn’t limited to just fighters. He was wrong about carriers being obsolete… he just didn’t think quite far enough outside the box. Chen had the beginnings of it when she thought to convert the smaller carriers the Confederation provided into gunboats.”

He waited for a response and got an expectant eyebrow cocked in his direction. “Carriers have always been standoff weapons platforms by necessity and I don’t think we should abandon that role at all. In fact we need to stand off a bit further, outside the active sphere of combat entirely if possible. We have to abandon fighters in the old sense, absolutely… but we can field a purpose-built gunboat, faster and better armed than the converted carriers. R&D has come up with some interesting designs we can build out quickly enough to be able to hot-berth a double complement… 120 craft in all with the design they like best.”

“And the pilots?”

“Well those that have seen it were half impressed, half scared so I’d guess its just about right. Pete thinks it’s a dream to fly…” He realized he’d let slip a bit more than he’d intended.

“So they’ve already built one behind my back then?” her tone wasn’t angry, more teasing.

Ted blushed a little. “3 actually, although the last is the one that should go into production. Pete loved em all but the first one would have been a deathtrap for anyone but him and the second… well they tried to overcompensate and it flew like a brick. I took a run in Shiva 3 and she’s a sweet ship but definitely built for war.”

“So which particular bright soul in R&D came up with this gem?” Helen grunted a little as she eased herself into another yoga position, the stress of the day leaving gradually.

“Stacy of course. The girl is… I don’t even know how to describe her. She’s like this whirlwind of ideas and they come so fast she can barely get one out before she’s on to the next and the rest of her group is sitting there wondering what the hell happened. They’ve literally got 3 teams just viewing recordings of her and everything she’s doing and they still have to go back over some of it several times.”

“Why am I not surprised? I’ll admit I can’t even begin to keep up with her mentally, she’s so far ahead of me I feel like a kindergartner talking to a college professor. I do worry about her emotionally though…” Helen breathed rhythmically for a moment before continuing. “She’s decided to take on not one but two mates and so young…”

“I wouldn’t worry about her. She went in with clear eyes and an open heart and the three of them together is a thing of beauty… they belong. They each fill each other’s missing parts.” Ted paused in his own workout, puffing with exertion. “They are an odd triplet, that’s for sure, but no stranger than you and I.”

“So about these gunboats… with everything working flat out how many can we build and supply 2 full torpedo loadouts to? Take the Hermes out of the picture entirely and its 120 with it.” Helen was warming down now, feeling limber and more relaxed.

“Maybe another 300 but I have no idea where we’d find crew for them. The gunboats take a 4 person crew and that’s with everything automated that can be. Hermes’ flight crews are just enough for her 120.”

“You’re still inside the box there, teddy boy…” she tickled just under his ribcage when he was looking the other direction drawing squirming laughter.

“Not just yet but that can be remedied!” he drew her in for a kiss and they savored for a moment before separating. “I think we both need a shower.”

An hour or two later when the shower and its associated activities had concluded and they both lay there, lazing in the microgravity of their bed Ted finally asked.

“Ok, so what am I missing here? Where do you plan to conjure up qualified fighter pilots that can be trained up for gunboats?” He tickled a nipple and watched it crinkle in response.

She tickled a similarly sensitive spot and watch the response in turn. “Well, there’s this whole navy which has given up on smallcraft entirely and is retooling for dreadnoughts… and all those poor fighter jocks left out in the cold…”

He laughed in response and shortly she joined him in his mirth.

********************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Hey, you remember Ted? Guy who lost his legs and went out on his own after?”

The tall woman turned to her shorter and much stockier companion. “Yeah. I wonder what happened to him after all this shit…” she gestured around at nothing in particular.

“Well wonder no more cause it turns out he’s one of the big muckety-mucks out at Hephaestus and word is he and Hunt are an item.” Dubois grunted a laugh.

“Well I can’t fault him for taste…” Markham replied. “Beauty and brains, whats not to like?” she grinned at her shorter companion.

“Any idea what our new assignment is?” Vladic interjected.

“Not a peep. As of 3 hours ago we’re black-boxed. I can tell you we’re heading to Uranus but we already knew that. Now take your meds and make sure there’s no wrinkles under you cause we go to 5 gees in 10 minutes. You do not want to wake up on the other side of this with a strip dug out of your hide.”

Within 5 minutes they had each verified all was as it should be and the meds were kicking in so that they were mercifully unconscious when the full burn hit, machines forcing air and blood to circulate rather than pool.

When they awoke technicians were helping them out of their couches, guiding their steps until they regained a sense of balance and could walk on their own. They were escorted to quarters in what appeared to be newly built portions of the presumably wrecked station and given the time to freshen up, shower and etc before dressing in the new uniforms they’d been provided. When they met in the common area there was some debate over the insignia they each bore. It was a stylized representation of the solar system and beneath was the familiar splash of the Belter’s Confederation.

They all turned to face the pair who walked in, their postures casual in a way that most navies would never have accepted but for Belters it was the equivalent of standing at attention.

“Welcome” came the warm contralto of the sharply uniformed woman who stood at ease, the Sol Navy emblem unaccompanied by any other “To the Sol Navy. As you can see by your insignia, even though we are unified we retain our identities, the differences that make us more than the sum of our parts. None of us want to see a repeat of what Earth tried to become and we all know the threat is still quite real. Between us we should be able to defeat the Earther fleet but it will take every one of us pulling together or all will be lost.”

The silence that filled her pause was deafening until the man who stood beside her filled the void. “Ok, now that you’ve had your chance to be all awestruck at our August Commander” the capitalization was obvious in his emphasis “here’s the lowdown. I know you lot were looking at being a bunch of out of work fighter jocks who’d lost their taste for prospecting and wondering what the hell you were gonna be doing.”

There was a general rumble of agreement. “Well as it turns out, we happen to have need of more pilots to man these nifty gunboats that are gonna be a bit more like attack torpedo bombers than anything else and we figured there was only one batch batshit crazy enough to fly em.”

“Hey it ain’t like you got room to talk Ted!” came from the back of the crowd.

“Markham, you know damn well I’m my own special brand o crazy…”

A ripple of laughter spread through the room when Hunt nodded and grinned. “Oh he’s special alright…” she waited just long enough “Bless his heart…” That brought gales of laughter and a mock wounded expression from Honore.

“Now I’m going to turn you over to the tender mercies of your new instructor. Commander Von Richthofen, do us proud.” Honore stepped back to let the man who’d just entered in a sharply creased shipsuit take center stage.

“OK, first things first. Yes my name is Manfred Von Richthofen and yes my I’m not sure how many greats grandfather was the “Red Baron”. Just call me Manny in person, my call sign is Red. Got it?”

“You lot who saluted, knock that shit off. It looks sloppy and just… wrong on a Belter anyway. We might be Sol Navy but we’re Belters before we’re anything else and asking for that kind of subservient bullshit won’t fly anyway so why bother, right?”

“Aye sir!” came a general if somewhat ragged response and he facepalmed in response. “Smartasses…”

They laughed. “Ok, here’s the drill. You’re gonna be running rotating sims and classes until we have enough craft operational to have actual exercises. You’ll be split up in crews of 2 with 2 support crew as well. They won’t be Belters so do your best to make things smooth, ok?

“You mean we’re gonna be workin with Terrans don’t you?” the tone was almost accusatory.

“There isn’t really such a thing as a Terran in the old sense except on that fleet. Their whole planet is effectively wiped out, however many might actually manage to survive in that frozen hell. They are refugees, Solarians in the truest sense with no planet to call home… yet they choose to stand and fight with the rest of us for freedom. We have lost much… but they have lost all and yet here they are with none but a Sol Navy patch on their uniforms. Let me make myself clear. The first one of you that casts aspersions at one of these brave crew for their origins gets cashiered on the spot.”

There was a nervous shuffling of feet and a good many glances at the floor in shame.

“Good. Now you’re going to be flying something like you’ve never even thought of. Its essentially a gravitic launcher for rotating single use torpedo magazines coupled with about 10 times as much power as you should ever need. As an afterthought somebody strapped a crew compartment onto it cause why not…”

He waited for the laughter to die down. “Your threat environment is going to be heavy and because we had to focus on primary armaments your defensive capabilities are going to be a little unusual. Each ship has 2 pilots because 1 of them will be flying a swarm of defensive drones for each ship. 2 EWOs for the same reason. This might be risky as hell but I have no intention of allowing it to become a suicide mission. Make no mistake, we will lose people… but if we lose the war who is to care?”

“Now on another note, I’m sure many of you have noticed that there’s only the one carrier just yet and he already has a double complement. Our area of operations will be distinct from the Hermes and we will be operating without a carrier support structure. Instead each of your craft will be assigned to one of several repair/reprovision craft. Now all of this will be evolving over the next couple of months because everyone is retooling and rebuilding to accommodate the new weaponry. We don’t know whether the Terrans have managed to find out about it but we have to assume they have and are working to get up to speed on it as quickly as we are.”

“What about Saturn and Mars and the Belter fleet… Jupiter even? Are we just counting them out? You make it sound like this is all going to be on us.”

“Mazrin, right?” the young lieutenant nodded, her flaming red hair wrapped in a painful looking bun. “When you get a chance do a search for “Murphy’s Law”. There’s a lot to it but the basic idea is that whatever can go wrong, will, and at the worst possible moment. When you’re fighting a war you have to plan for the absolute worst case scenario and then make it ten times as bad… and generally that way any surprises are good ones.”

“So you’re saying we have to act like its all on us no matter what?”

“No lieutenant, I’m saying its all on you” he pointed at her, then next to her “and you” and again “and you, on me just the same. Yes its on us as a unit but its on each of us individually just as much. Yours might be the golden BB that wins the war… or you might perish saving someone else who does but for each of you, you are a missile, straight and true at the heart of our would be enslavers. Each of you can be the one that makes the difference, for good or ill.”

Mazrin nodded her understanding as did several of those in the crowd.

“Now, each of you have 23 hours to recover from your time in high G and I expect just about now you’re getting hungry. You’ll each find your quarters assignments and full maps of the station on your wristcomps so you’re all dismissed. See you in 23 hours.”

Manny chuckled to himself as he read the list of personnel needing release from the brig. It was a fairly even split between Terrans and Belters with the odd Martian and even one or two of the original yard dogs. There didn’t appear to be any serious injuries and a lot of simmering tension had been released so overall he considered it a good result although many officers would have been more than a little unhappy about it.

Harry would be getting them whipped into shape and getting the first rounds of physical conditioning underway. The massively overpowered ships required crew in top physical shape simply to remain conscious during extreme maneuvers just like fighters did and he intended his crews to be the best they could possibly be. 2 weeks of sims and conditioning and they would have 20 of the new craft available to start shakedown cruises and do some limited wargaming in physical space to get a real feel for how it felt to fight the ships. There was a pause of a few days built into the construction phase to allow functional feedback to be incorporated into the design and it promised to be a much more potent weapon that its size suggested.

Meanwhile he had some very tongue in cheek shouting to do and he found himself rather looking forward to it.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Commander your presence is requested in briefing 3-Alpha.”

“Acknowledged.” Higalik terminated her connection and squirmed her way out of the cockpit, swearing at the awkwardness of the layout. There were definitely going to be some design changes made when she got back from whatever this latest meeting was about.

She arrived to find a crowded room and what seemed at first glance like pandemonium but with a little observation resolved into very enthusiastic working groups. For a time no one took notice of her presence until she suddenly found a hand on her elbow, pulling her into the middle of a discussion.

“So the commander here is the one who needs to be helping us design these things, its her people that will be flying them after all!” The speaker shoved a hand through the errant hair that kept falling into his eyes.

“What the hell are you on about, Chief?” She regained possession of her elbow. “I thought our fighter designs were mostly settled?”

“They were but we can’t build fighters anymore… like, at all!”

“Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” A tablet was shoved into her hand and as she looked through the schematics and absorbed the ideas she began to understand the excitement. When she finally looked up she realized the hubbub had ceased and all eyes were on her.

“OK… so the chief is right. We can’t build the kind of fighters we had planned but he’s wrong that we can’t build fighters. We just have to rethink what a fighter actually is, specifically how big it is. We need to be able to carry enough of the new torpedoes to make it worthwhile and with our current resources that says single use launch cartridges. If we built the same basic configuration but about the size of a small corvette we could mount 8 10 torpedo racks externally on each one. They’d have to be mag-launched though because all the gravitics tech we can manage to make will be needed for warheads.”

She’d been sketching while she was talking and her designs were projected onto one wall. The babble of noise was beginning to rise again when she thought to add one more thing. “By the way, whoever is designing the cockpit layout… stick Freddy here in there and see if he can manage to move around. That abomination you lot had prototyped this morning needs to go on the junk heap. Took me 2 minutes just to get the hell out!”

The next 20 hours were spent in endless meetings and design sessions but by the time she collapsed into her bunk still clothed the beginnings of a complete redesign had taken shape. Even the ships themselves had to be rebuilt to a degree and all while in flight but when it was finished what had started out as a formidable force would be orders of magnitude more effective. They had a chance to shift the balance, to ensure the Terran fleet’s destruction where before it had been accepted that even a stalemate would be a good result.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************

Carolina checked and rechecked to make sure she’d filtered the faint whisker-laser transmission out of the information-stream that made its way to the various ship’s stations and swore to herself. There hadn’t been any leakage at all and yet somehow they had the data!

It made her hidden role all the more important as the new weapons were being manufactured by every ship in the fleet now and she had to ensure her cutovers went unnoticed. When the time came, she intended to redirect the fire of the flagship at the others and do as much damage as possible before return fire obliterated it. There had been very limited contact between herself and the mysterious outsider, enough to make clear they were the originator of this technology but this contact had ceased since she’d informed them that the Terran fleet had somehow learned of the new weapons and were manufacturing them as quickly as possible.

The terror that had been her constant companion since the war’s beginning had somehow mutated, become anger and a fierce determination to bring this horror to an end on her own terms. As far as she knew they were the only terms on offer.

Anne looked up and brushed a stray bit of hair out of her eyes, a little surprised at the sight that confronted her. Two dapper gentlemen, one quite elderly, but both a bit long in the tooth, stood there proffering completed applications. It was obvious they were both nervous and equally obvious that they were a couple from the way the younger both clung to the older and supported him.
 

Southern Comfort
Chapter 1
By Theide
 

---

 
I have not asked the author of the care Giver's stories to publish this, and I know it is an unfinished piece of work. If E.E. Nalley objects, I will of course withdraw this. It is meant in the way of flattery, and because I wished to write a love story based on my own and my husband's lives which gave the opportunity to live long lives in love. Please be kind with your comments, as I know I am just an amateur. Thank you.

February 24, 2032

Anne looked up and brushed a stray bit of hair out of her eyes, a little surprised at the sight that confronted her. Two dapper gentlemen, one quite elderly, but both a bit long in the tooth, stood there proffering completed applications. It was obvious they were both nervous and equally obvious that they were a couple from the way the younger both clung to the older and supported him.

“How may I help you gentlemen?”

The younger of the two spoke. “Maam, here are our applications, we wish to join your excellent organization, to become Care Givers.”

He brushed a shockingly white stray lock of hair behind his ear as she looked over the applications.

“You do realize this means you both will undergo the DeCorvin process?”

“Yes maam, that was in fact the determining factor for us. You see, we have been married for 43 years now, and it’s not long enough. We have spent our lives caring for others and the opportunity to spend more time together and to care for others is just the right thing for us, we believe we would be a perfect team. In fact we do have just one preference, and that is that we will always be assigned to the same vessel or posting, as we cannot bear to be separated.”

Anne knew that this was a special pair and immediately decided to kick this one upstairs.

“Please have a seat, someone will be with you shortly.”

They shuffled off to sit on one of the sofas decorating the lobby, the older of the two in some rather obvious pain. She could see from the way they sat together that they cared deeply for each other. The younger man was limping, but he still was careful to guide the older and make sure he found a comfortable position before he sat. It was plain that both were nervous from the way they held themselves.

Anne was on the phone as they arranged themselves. “Yes maam, you have to see it to believe it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more natural pair. It’s like they were born to be Care Givers. You just have to see them together to get it.” She listened for a moment. “Yes maam, five minutes, I don’t think they are going anywhere.” She gently put the headset into its cradle.

Slightly more than five minutes later, Dr. Ivanova stood inspecting the two sleeping men. The background check she had run said they were both from Charleston, and given the way air traffic ran, she knew they had been going for at least 15 hours, so she was reluctant to wake them. They just looked so precious, the younger resting his head on the chest of the older, but the snoring was getting to be more than a little irritating, so she reached out and shook them both gently.

The response she got was, to put it mildly, alarming.

The younger man rolled off the couch, springing to his feet and drawing a very large handgun from a concealed holster, leveling it at her head in one continuous motion. As his eyes came fully open, he lowered the gun, then tried to pretend that he had never drawn it, putting it back into its hiding place and showing her empty hands. The look on his face spoke volumes. It was plain that he was mightily embarrassed from the flush that stole over his face.

“I’m sorry about that, maam, please understand that I am used to being attacked or threatened in public. We come from South Carolina, and things are very bad there for people like us. I’m so sorry, please forgive me!”

She gently reached out and held him as he collapsed into a torrent of tears and incoherent noises between sobs and hiccups. The older man took him from her embrace, soothing him with his words and stroking his back, smoothing his hair away from his face.

She noted the way the younger man clung to the older and the obvious care he showed for his lover. They were so obviously a couple, and the younger one had been badly hurt at some time in the past. It was then she decided that whatever the obstacles, they would get what they so clearly wanted. Love like that was not to be wasted, and these two were clearly in love.

As the tears subsided, she began the standard introductory lecture, she couldn’t help but smile at the expression on the younger one’s face.

“You do understand that you will both undergo the DeCorvin process?”

They spoke in unison, “Yes maam.”

“You know this means that you will both be female?”

“Yes maam, and younger, and we will both live for centuries. That is what I have wanted forever, and he is willing to take this journey with me. I only ask that we be able to stay together, to be a team. I couldn’t bear to be without my love.” The younger man straightened his tunic with a determined yank at the hem.

“I can handle it if you refuse us, but please take into account that we have spent our lives caring for others. He is a therapist and I am a geek, and we could not have children of our own, but we have raised the children of others who were thrown away, and I think we have done a pretty good job of it. I beg you, please take us!”

The younger man was close to tears again and she could no longer maintain a professional demeanor.

“Of course you will be accepted. How could I refuse?”
At this point the older man spoke, his baritone a surprisingly smooth counterpoint to the younger man’s relieved tenor. “Please accept this one thing. Do his transformation in one week, so that he may have his birthday on his birthday. He will be 60 on that day, and I want it to be a special day for him.”

“Done, and well done. Will you want to undergo the process on the same day?”

“Yes, this is a journey we will take together, and thank you doctor.”

Dr. Ivanova sat in front of her monitor, absorbing what the database had told her of the two newest recruits. “How horrible for them both” she thought to herself. “For him to be assaulted so brutally and for her to be raped and beaten by those animals, I can’t even imagine!!!” I t took a moment for her to realize that she was thinking of the younger man as a female, even though he retained the appearance of a male.

“I would kill them myself, if I had the chance!!!” Right then she swore to herself that no matter what, these two would have another chance. She knew the DeCorvin process would put them through yet another series of hardships, but they deserved it.

A week later, they lay side by side on identical couches, holding each other’s hands tightly as they chugged the really quite nasty drink that contained the nanites which would initiate the transformation.

Chapter 2

Sean awoke feeling a slight woman hugging him tightly. She was uncomfortably aware of a need to go to the bathroom and squirmed her way out of the covers. She was desperate, but just as she made her way to the bathroom, she caught a glimpse of the other woman in the bed. There lay a slight blonde, maybe all of five feet 2 inches, champagne blonde hair, sleeping peacefully. Physical needs took over for the moment, but as soon as she was able to concentrate on something other than the intense needs of her body she was able to focus on what she could only assume was her lover.

“Charlie?”

The diminutive blonde stirred, brushing a lock of hair from her face and yawning widely.

“Sean?” She sat up in the bed, an incredulous expression on her elfin features. “Gawd you’re hot!” Her Southern drawl just oozed sex

“Charlie, is that you?”

Their voices ran over each other in an excited muddle of Soprano and a smoky Alto. “You look so young!” they both exclaimed, then broke off into giggling like some sort of madwomen.

“oh mmy gawd! The petite blonde was checking herself over, feeling every inch of her new self with astonishment. “I’m whole! I mean I don’t have a colostomy anymore!”

They shrieked and hugged as they danced, the taller woman practically lifting the shorter blonde off her feet with joy.

“We’re young!” they danced and capered for a few minutes longer.

Sean broke down crying at this point. “I can’t believe I am finally the woman I always wanted to be!”

“And you, you look like a young version of your mother! I mean the whole 5 foot 2, blond with eyes of blue and everything. You’re stunning, you just have to see yourself!” She sniffled as they stood together, searching in the mirror for themselves.

What they saw was a petite blonde and a taller, willowy woman with auburn hair almost down to her ass.

The shorter blonde was almost frail looking and her eyes sparkled blue, an incredibly tiny waist opening out into skinny hips, just right for her size.

Sean almost fainted when she saw herself. A muscular woman standing about 5 foot 8, an impossibly tiny waist and broad hips, but the face was the most stunning thing. There in the mirror was a woman who looked like a sort of cross between Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts, and Audrey Hepburn, with a little bit of Brooke Shields thrown in.

“I’m so happy for you, baby, you wound up looking just like your mother as a young woman!”

Sean could only stare in disbelief. She was shocked at the way her husband of 43 years had turned out, but to see herself as she had wanted to be her entire life was just too much for her to handle. Blackness closed in as she swooned, her lover frantically trying to catch her and ease her to a soft landing. They both wound up in a tangle on the floor, the tiny blonde desperately trying to soothe the larger woman, not realizing what was wrong with her, terribly afraid that something had gone wrong with the process and crying, deep heart wrenching sobs.

Sean was reliving his long nightmare experience. He knew this, but he couldn’t manage to bring himself out of the pit of horror that was his memory.
 

Southern Comfort
Chapter 3
By Theide
 

---

 
This chapter is a bit dark. If you can't handle a little gore, don't read it.

Sean was reliving his long nightmare experience. He knew this, but he couldn’t manage to bring himself out of the pit of horror that was his memory.

He felt the initial slamming blow of the car hitting him, flying through the air and realizing he couldn’t stand, that his leg had broken. The sick pain of realization that it hadn’t been an accident as the skinheads piled out of the stopped car and began hitting and kicking him.

“Oh yeah, we got us a fuckin faggit!” the boy had a maniacal expression twisting his face into a demon mask as he drew back his foot for another kick.

“Hang on, man!” This from one of the others. This one had an excited look on his face. “I got an idea. We got this one where he can’t get away, let’s have some real fun with him!”

A boot connected with Sean’s head, propelling him into darkness, away from the agony.

He swam back up into awareness, pain radiating through his entire body. He expected to be in a hospital, but it was so cold, and he smelled the stink of shit and blood. He tried to move but he was tied down to something, and even trying to move brought fresh waves of pain from his legs and arms. He blinked as the skinhead who had kicked him in the head came into his field of vision.

“You awake, huh? Hey boys, get over here! The faggit’s awake!” He leaned closer, his foul breath competing with the rest of the stench in the humid air. “You going to hell, you fuckin faggit! God hates your kind, you sick freak! We just gonna have a little fun with you before we send you to burn.”

“Hey Wade, prop his head up with that block so he can see what we doin.” Another of the men moved around behind Sean, and he felt his head being tied to a block, propping him up so he had to look down at his body, tied spread eagled to a piece of plywood.

“We just gonna give you a little taste of what you gonna get in hell, freak.” The one who seemed to be doing all the talking brandished a pair of vise grips. Sean tried to flinch away as the man clamped the pliers over the end of his penis, only realizing after a minute that it was his own voice he heard screaming with a fresh wave of pain that made him want to vomit.

His torturer tied a rope that hung from the ceiling around the pliers so that they held his abused organ straight out from his body and went out of sight for a moment, reappearing with a blowtorch in his hand.

He sparked it to life, adjusting the flame to a blue hot cone. “We gonna have us a weenie roast, and you gonna get some dinner!” Sean watched in horror as the man brought the torch down to his crotch and began screaming again as fresh waves of searing agony assaulted him, the stench of burning meat filling his nose as the manheld the flame on his scrotum. He could see the flesh blacken and shrivel, could see as his testicles were roasted in the hot flame.

He writhed with the hellish pain that roared in his mind, trying to escape the torture, screaming till he thought he was going to rip his throat out. Even the broken leg hadn’t hurt this badly, and he heard himself pleading for mercy, crying for help, anything to make it end.

He could see the torch burning through the tissue that held his testicles to his body, watched his torturer stab one, then the other with a skewer. A second later, the man was waving them in his face.

“Open your mouth, freak!” he screamed. Sean tried to keep his mouth closed, but one of the others hit him on his broken leg, and as he screamed, the one at his head quickly stuffed the smoking lumps of meat into his mouth. He gagged and tried to spit them out, but the man clamped his hand over his mouth and he couldn’t.

“Now you gonna chew and swallow or you gonna die right now!” he hissed.

There was nothing else to do, he couldn’t breathe through his nose, so he made some chewing motions and swallowed, forcing the scalding lumps of meat down his throat as quickly as he could, fighting back the urge to vomit.

It seemed to take hours, and he didn’t think it was possible to feel that much pain, but the scenario was repeated with his penis as they cooked it in the flame of the torch and made him eat it. Then they moved up to his nipples and simply burnt them to a crisp. Somewhere during this time he seemed to detach from his body, and though he still felt the pain, it was a remote kind of thing. He was sure he was dying, and welcomed it.

They finally untied him and he tried to crawl away. More pain, as one of them seemed to stab him in the rectum, but at this point he was so remote from his own feelings that it just didn’t seem to matter anymore, and he just lay there while they kicked him again and again, finally surrendering to the blackness that dragged him down.

He was awake, in a way, and could hear traffic somewhere close, but all he could see was a steep hill. He tried to make sense of his surroundings, but it was hard to think, and it seemed like every nerve in his body was screaming with agony. He just lay there for a while, and it finally penetrated the fog in his mind that the traffic sounded really close, like just a few feet away, just over that hill.

“Help.” He tried to scream it but could barely hear himself over the traffic noise, and it was so cold and he just wanted to sleep, to make the pain go away. A little part of him, in the back of his mind, kept telling him that he couldn’t sleep, that he had to climb that hill and get to the traffic, so maddeningly close, so, he rolled over onto his front and tied to get up.

Another sickening jolt of pain from his broken leg made it plain that wasn’t going to happen, and he vomited, feeling broken ribs grate against each other as he spewed forth is last horrible meal. He almost passed out again, but somehow he held on to the thin edge of awareness and began to pull himself uphill. It took forever and he was about to give up when he looked up and noticed that he was almost to the top of the hill.

A guardrail! His heart leaped with the nearness of success, then dropped in the next moment. How was he gonna get over that? There just wasn’t anything left, he couldn’t push himself any further, but he had to. Another eternity of screaming agony later, he toppled over the top of the rail and began the crawl toward the traffic again. Now he could even see the passing cars, but he was still in the tall grass next to the road and knew they probably couldn’t see him.

Finally, he felt the roughness of asphalt, pulling himself into the emergeny lane with the last of his strength, collapsing again and again. Awareness faded in and out as he heard cars pass. Suddenly, there was a voice shrilling through his mind.

“Hank! Hank!, It’s not an animal, it’s a person, call an ambulance, they look hurt real bad. Hank, call 911! Get some help!”

Sean wanted to tell her to shut up and leave him alone, he just wanted to die now, but she wouldn’t go away. He felt the woman stroking his back and knew she meant to be soothing, but his raw nerves made it feel like he was being scrubbed with sandpaper.

Another voice, a man’s voice this time. “Honey, the lady on the phone says not to move him. You sure he’s alive?” His voice changed in tone, incredulous. “My god, Sue, it looks like he’s got a tent stake up his ass. What the fuck happened?”

“Yes ma’am, the bridge just past exit 215. Tell em to hurry, this guy’s been tortured or something. It looks like he’s got a tent stake up his ass, he’s got a broke leg, there’s blood and dirt all over him, but he seems to be breathing. No ma’am, I can’t tell if he’s conscious or not.”

Then his world was filled with a roaring sound through which he could dimly hear the couple talking for a few moments, then a siren which mercifully stopped.

“You found him like this?” another man’s voice penetrated the roaring in his mind.

“Yessir, we haven’t moved him or anything, just like the lady on the phone said. You got an ambulance on the way?”

“Yeah, they should be gettin here in about five minutes. I’ll get a blanket to put over him, he’s gotta be in shock, and I gotta call for some backup on this, yawl watch him for me, ok?”

Sean knew that rescue had finally come, but the little voice in the back of his head kept insisting that he should stay awake. The blanket seemed to help a little, but he was so cold and the pavement pressing into his burns and scrapes was agony.

“Alright, there’s more officers on the way. Sir, can you hear me?” He felt the cop take his pulse.

Sean managed a very weak “Yeah.”

“Do you know where you are?”

“On the side of the road?”

“What’s your name?”

Sean told him.

“You got any allergies? Anybody you want us to call?”

“No, no allergies.” It was getting a little easier to talk, but drawing a breath was sheer agony. “Call Charlie.” He managed to give the number and the cop went back to his car to radio it in.

The roaring in Sean’s mind was beginning to fade a little now, and he tried to move his head so he could see something other than that hated foe, the guardrail which had nearly defeated him.

“No honey, don’t move, they said not to move you, so just lay there, ok?” The woman sounded worried.

“Okay”

Another siren nearby, and suddenly there were more voices asking him questions, hands feeling him for injuries, professional tones, meant to be soothing, but sounding hurried. Hands held his head still as more hands lifted him onto a hard board, still face down.

He’d heard what had been said the whole way and was now thinking clearly enough to realize they were trying to keep him as still as possible, and that they wanted him to stay awake because of concussion, so he cooperated, even though he just wanted to escape into sleep to get away from the pain.

What seemed like a long time later and a claustrophobic nightmare of being shoved into what he recognized as a CAT scanner and an MRI, all of it still on his face, he dragged his way back into awareness, conscious again of the pain, screaming agony shrilling along his nerves, seeming to penetrate into his very soul.
 

Southern Comfort
Chapter 4
By Theide
 

---

 
Still another chapter, a bit rough, but it goes further to explain some of what has happened in Sean's past. Bear with me folks, the story really is going somewhere, but some explanation was in order. Enjoy, if you can.

What seemed like a long time later and a claustrophobic nightmare of being shoved into what he recognized as a CAT scanner and an MRI, all of it still on his face, he dragged his way back into awareness, conscious again of the pain, screaming agony shrilling along his nerves, seeming to penetrate into his very soul.

“Baby, I love you, please don’t die on me…” It was Charlie. He managed to open his eyes to see his husband’s tear streaked face. The expression he saw there was enough to make him want to get off the bed and give him a hug, but he couldn’t.

“I won’t, I love you too…” He managed to croak as a sudden feeling of blessed relief swept over him and he could barely maintain his focus on Charlie’s face. The pain was receding, but with it, so was his ability to remain aware of his surroundings

This time when he awoke, the pain wasn’t quite so bad, and he was laying on his back, looking at the ceiling. There was the persistent beeping of monitors, and he could hear the murmuring of voices, the noise of what he could only assume was a hospital.

“Mr. Barber, are you awake? Can you understand me?” The voice was coming from a large, blurry vision which kept flashing some irritating light in his eyes.

He blinked a few times, and the blur faded some. He could tell that it was a man in a white coat standing over him, and the light was coming from a small penlight he was holding.

“Yeah I hear you, would you get that goddamn light out of my eyes?” Sean tried to move only to find himself restrained. “Why can’t I move?”

“You’ve been in medically induced coma for a little over two months, we had to deal with the swelling in your brain from the head trauma, and you thrashed around a bit when we started to bring you out of it.” The light went away, and he started to think that he recognized the voice, but he just couldn’t place it.

“Do you know who you are?”

“I’m Sean Barber. I’m not sure who you are, though. Where’s Charlie? I want to see Charlie.”

“He’s on his way here right now. Do you know where you are?”

“I’m guessing MUSC. Doc, do they know who did this to me?” Sean was becoming more and more cognizant of his surroundings, and even though the new awareness brought the pain to the fore, it also kicked his brain into high gear.

“Doc Rambo? Little Casper Milquetoast type guy, right?” The sudden spark of recognition made him almost laugh, but that hurt too much. “Hey, you know you removed my appendix way back in ’91. I remember when they told me your name in recovery, I laughed till I puked and they had to put me back under.”

“Yeah, that was pretty funny. I had to remove a lot more than your appendix this time, though. You sure you want to hear it all right now?”

“Yeah doc, lay it on me, you can’t have done any worse than those skinhead bastards did to me.”

“Well, I had to remove most of your large intestine and your prostate gland. I was able to save your sphincters, so you won’t have to wear diapers and you will be able to go to the bathroom normally, but that’s the best I could do. They burned your penis and testicles off with what seems to be a blowtorch, so those are gone, but we were able to do some skin grafts and you will be able to pee normally and walk without pain.”

“I already know about my dick and balls, Doc, they made me watch them do it and then made me eat them before they started in on the rest of me.” Sean had a sudden thought, and he knew he was right even before he got a reply from the doctor.

“So this means I’ll never have sex of any kind again, doesn’t it, doc?”

“Well, it seems they deliberately tried to deprive you of any ability to orgasm or even experience arousal, so yes, I suppose that is what it means.” The doctor seemed to be deeply disturbed by this.

Sean was beginning to feel a slow burn of anger within his being. Even tempered by what he knew had to be fairly heavy painkillers, he was feeling the beginnings of a cold killing rage sweep through his awareness.

He barely heard through the swirl of his own thoughts when the doctor left, and when Charlie entered, he didn’t even notice until he heard his voice.

“Baby, I’m here.” The soothing baritone swept through his rage, diverting into other paths of thought.

“Hi baby, I love you!” Sean tried again to move, but it was too much, so he just cried as he felt his lovers arms envelope him, sharing a moment of intimacy that seemed to flow through him as he was showered with gentle kisses.

“I missed you so much! I was afraid you were gonna die. I couldn’t stand it. Please don’t ever do that to me again!” He wept, and Sean tasted his tears and tried his best to hold back his own. Soon they were both just crying, and Sean wished that he could return the embrace, but it did hurt.

“Ow! Don’t squeeze so hard!”

Charlie immediately withdrew, a look of infinite tenderness and worry on his face.

“Is this okay? I don’t ever want to hurt you, please tell me if I do, I’m just glad you’re alive! I couldn’t bear to lose you, you are the only one I have ever loved and I just couldn’t live without you!”

They both cried some more, until the nurse came and made Charlie leave. Sean just lay there, alternating between tears of grief and rage, sobbing the one moment and snarling the next, until the nurse came and came gave him a shot in his IV. He then drifted off to sleep, still angry.

The next few months were an agony of physical therapy until he was released from the hospital. Then more physical therapy, and the glad comfort of being held in his lovers arms until he was able to finally go to sleep, being soothed back to sleep when he woke screaming in the night from the dreams

For the next year, Sean drove himself, constantly running, working out, gathering his strength. He enrolled in several martial arts classes, refreshing the old skills his father had taught him as a child and adding new skills. During all this time, he kept in touch with the police about his case, his fury gradually growing even hotter as it became apparent that the cops were doing nothing to pursue the case.

He took to spending time creeping through the forests and swamps of the lowcountry, practicing his woodcraft and pretending to hunt his attackers, until he finally felt he was ready to put his plans into action. He had a good idea who was involved, and had even had reports of several of them bragging about what they had done to “that freak”. He was aware that Charlie knew what he was doing, and was trying to discourage him from it, but it made no difference. The rage was consuming his being, and when he finally convinced that he was ready and knew who all of his tormentors were, he resolved to enact his plans for vengeance.

Almost 2 years after his release from the hospital, darkness closed in on the campus of the College of Charleston. Sean was concealed in the bushes, waiting on the ground floor of the parking garage of an upscale apartment complex just off campus. He saw his quarry drive in, a newly married , newly minted graduate at the wheel of a brand new Mercedes he knew had been bought for him by his father.

Sean waited while his target exited the car, carrying a very expensive looking briefcase. The man snapped his phone shut, ending what sounded like a very amiable conversation conducted entirely in legalese. He turned to walk toward the exit, completely unaware of the figure darting from one pool of shadow to the other.

Sean rushed forward, swinging a staff as he approached. The staff swept the young lawyer’s legs from under him, and he landed with a “Whoof” of air expelling from his lungs. Another sweep of the staff and an explosive crack as the weighted end struck a forearm, shattering the bone. Sean took a moment to make sure the prey had seen his face before he proceeded to crush his testicles with another swift sweep of the staff. Another few blows to various portions of the body, and he vanished into the young night, leaving behind him a broken bleeding mass of a man who could not even manage to reach his cellphone to call for help. He was too badly damaged, too many bones shattered by the whistling, pulverizing blows.

Sean knew the police would be looking for him soon, but he could not stop now, not if he was to have the vengeance he had sworn s he lay in the hospital, the payment he had sworn to extract from his tormentors as he cried in agony during physical therapy. No, there was much left to do this night. A grim smile crept over his features as he contemplated the note he had left on his first target of the night.

A little while later, in the garden of a house off Broad street, He watched as another young man relaxed on the verandah, drinking a beer with obvious relish. A woman’s voice came drifting through the opened door demanding that he come to dinner. A repeat of the scene in the garage, and the thing was done, nothing to show what had been but a broken man and a shadow vanishing into the dark.

Less than an hour later, the same scenario, this time on a boat. Again and again he struck, the sound of breaking bones music in his ears as the song of vengeance swelled triumphant in his ears. Each time he left a piece of completely incriminating evidence behind, something the police could not ignore, which would cause the man to be locked up for a long, long time.

Finally, the home of his last target was in his vision, and the sweet song in his ears keened with a bloodlust long in the making. This last was to be the man who had wielded the torch, and this one was going to die. He trembled with eagerness as he climbed onto the third floor of a home just off the Battery.

Just as he eased his way into what he knew to be his target’s bedroom, he heard a soft snore stop, and as he aimed his gun toward the larger of the two figures on the bed, as his finger took up slack on the trigger, the smaller figure moved, throwing herself over the other with a loud “No!”.

But the hammer was already falling, and though he tried to twist the barrel aside at the last instant, he knew he was too late. The single round penetrated both figures, and as they hemorrhaged their lives out into the mattress, a part of him died. He wasn’t here to kill innocents, he was here only to take revenge for what had been done to him. He fled in a rush of guilt and anger at himself, the hot tears streaming down his face as he ran to his waiting car, flinging the gun into a river as he passed over the ornate bridge, the staff following, both to sink forever in the pluff mud. He knew he had just committed the perfect crimes, but he was unable to feel any joy in it.

He had just killed an innocent. It did not matter that it was a mistake. He pulled into his driveway, and ran inside, just making it to the bathroom before the bitter bile of self condemnation rushed forth from his mouth and into the bowl, but no matter how long he retched, the horrible feeling of guilt would not leave the pit of his stomach. He vowed, over and over to himself, that he would never hurt another living thing.

“People will never cease to amaze me”. Sean was muttering to himself, quickly getting back into one of his favorite work-oriented rants, but without any real rancor. “Damn Gates and all his unholy minions anyway!”
 

Southern Comfort
Chapter 5
By Theide
 

---

 

“People will never cease to amaze me”. Sean was muttering to himself, quickly getting back into one of his favorite work-oriented rants, but without any real rancor. “Damn Gates and all his unholy minions anyway!”

“Hey Tess, come look at this shit! Some idiot managed to mix up three different versions of the same database from partial differential backups and now the same query gets 3 different answers depending on which copy the servers access. What a ratfuck!”

Tess poked her head out from behind a rack of switches, blinking a little as she pushed her glasses back up into place. “I didn’t even know that was possible” she piped in her reedy drawl. “That’s ok, you should see what they’ve managed to do with the wiring back here. I don’t think you could get farther from diagram if you tried.”

For a while this went on, the typical banter they had fallen into when working together quickly deteriorating into bad jokes and speculation as to precisely how someone managed to screw up a network that badly. After a bit, they both fell silent as they plunged back into their respective tasks. Some hours later, they agreed that they had each reached a point where they could stop for the day and leave the network functional.

Sean eyed Tess with some jealousy as she stretched, noting how nicely the regime of hormones and exercise had begun to shape her young body. “So your mom tells me you’re going to have enough saved for your surgery in about a year. You gonna do it over the summer break?”

Tess grinned, a little sparkle in her eyes. “Well I thought I might take a semester off after and just enjoy, you know, lay around on the beach, that kind of thing. Just enjoy being a girl finally. Hey,” she dodged a flying wad of paper “No fair, I don’t have any ammo!”

“You better not take time off school and mess up your scholarship! Your mom would kill me!” He tried to sound gruff, but couldn’t quite manage it. He had become friends with the youngster since she and her mother had moved in down the street, still grieving the death of her father.

“Seriously, you know you have the support of the entire Fire department behind you, and that’s been a little hard for some of them to deal with. I mean, the child of a fallen comrade, yes, but you being TS has caused some of them to have to overcome some cherished hatreds and you have to be even better than just a normal genius just to keep em on your side.”

“Yeah, I know, but sometimes that’s a little hard, being the perfect student and all. Sometimes I wish I could just slack off like some of my friends.” Her tone was a little wistful.

They were in the parking lot now, the late summer sun glaring off the windows of parked cars, causing them both to squint a little. “Besides, I’ve got it harder than all of them, I mean who else do you know that has to take a year-long test?”

“Hey, at least you get to take that test. Some of us never had the chance, you know.” Sean held back the familiar wave of self pity, determined not to let it show. *Sometimes things just suck* he thought to himself. His mind wandered back over the years, remembering a time when he had been that young and still not had the hope his young friend had. She was so lucky to have the support of all these people.

“Why didn’t you ever make the transition yourself?” she asked. “You’ve never told me that part. I mean I know what those monsters did to you, but I don’t get the rest of it. How could you stand to go on being a boy when you knew you weren’t inside?”

Sean thought back over the years, trying to decide what to tell her. “Well, It was a lot of bad luck, and a lot of good luck, but mostly it was love.”

She looked at him with a bewildered expression on her face. “Huh?”

He sighed inwardly to himself. *Well, if she doesn’t learn some of the more unpleasant things in life now, they’ll just sneak up on her later* he thought to himself. *besides, she’s almost like the daughter I never got to have*.

“Well, for one thing I wasn’t as lucky as you. Your parents accepted you, even though they were determined to follow medical guidelines and all, you know, no drugs until you reached your majority, the whole bit. Lucky for you, you got a thin build. That, and you cheated, something that wasn’t possible back in my day. I mean when I was your age, the web as we know it now didn’t even exist, much less the ability to order drugs from online pharmacies.”

“But more important at the time, my parents were extremely religious, and things like being a transsexual were considered evil. I never even told my parents, still haven’t. All they know is that I’m gay, and I didn’t even tell them that until I’d been out of their house for a decade. Anyway, I had to go through full puberty as a boy, and I wound up six feet and 180 pounds by the time I was 15. I ran away from home because I couldn’t stomach their bullshit anymore, wandered the country for a couple of years, and wound up coming back home.”

She chewed on her lower lip for a while as he maneuvered through the afternoon traffic jam. “So what happened, why didn’t you change then, I mean, I guess I just don’t understand it. I know a lot of six foot natural girls, and some of them are pretty muscled up and all, it can’t have been that much different?”

“Well, I hadn’t been back here for very long, maybe three months” he braked sharply as another car cut suddenly in front of them “and I met Charlie. I fell in love with him, we moved in together a couple of months after that, and that was pretty much that. He couldn’t stand the idea of me transitioning or even dressing up, so I just decided to stay as I was, since I never thought I was gonna be able to even pretend to be a woman. I gave up that part of myself.”

She thought for a moment. “Wow, that’s kind of so sad, and so happy at the same time. I feel really bad for you. I’m just glad Chad accepts me for who I am”

*I really hope he does, kid, I really hope he does* he thought to himself, lost for a moment in his own reflections. “Hey, you know, take it slow, kiddo, you’ve got all the time in the world. I mean, Chad is a nice kid, I just don’t want you to get hurt. It’s not like you’ve had all that many boyfriends, you know.”

She conceded the point, and they sat in silence for the rest of the way home. Sean pulled the car into his driveway, still lost in his own thoughts and memories. Tess seemed a bit somber as she got out of the car, hefting her work sack across her shoulder by one strap and starting to walk across the lawn to her empty house.

“Hey Tess, you wanna eat dinner with us?” She turned and broke into a smile, the sunlight slanting across her face.

“Sure, Charlie always makes enough for 4 anyway. Guess I might as well help yawl eat it.” The smile turned into a grin as she halfway ran to the door, bursting through into the interior. Sean just shook his head at the enthusiasm and energy of the young girl as he gathered his own work sack and trudged toward home and comfort, desperately yearning to simply sit and get a little more work done before dinner.

He was too distracted to notice the distinct lack of happy noises of greeting from inside the house, but as he trudged tiredly inside, he was treated to a very rude awakening. He felt an arm snake around his neck from behind and tighten, trying to choke him, and reflex kicked in. He grabbed hold of the arm, kicked backwards, and curled his body back around it while throwing his weight forward and curling into a ball.

He caught a quick glimpse of Charlie elbowing another man who held him and twisting away as he came rolling up to face another man who was holding a knife to Tess’s throat. The man he had thrown was still in midair, a surprised look on his face as he flew upside down to crash into the opposite wall. Charlie was in the middle of trying to keep his captor’s knife away from his body, running backwards, the man in hot pursuit, knife extended.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion for a moment. The man holding Tess drew his knife across her throat, a fountain of blood following in the wake of the blade, and flung her aside to crouch in a knife fighter’s stance. Charlie was still backpedaling, but for the moment he had to concentrate on the man who was advancing toward him, the steel whistling in arcs before him. The man stabbed toward him as he rushed into the arc of the knife. He caught the knife wielding arm, broke it backwards over his knee, and continued as fast as possible toward the other assailant, just in time to see him sink the blade into his lover’s chest.

Now he was in a pure rage, operating completely on muscle memory. A sanped blow to the man’s throat, and he fell backward, gargling out his life, choking on his own blood. He turned, the other man had recovered his blade with his unbroken arm and the one who had grabbed him as he came in was starting to pick himself up. The man with the knife charged, blade first. He dodged, whirled behind him, grabbed the man’s head and used the momentum of his movement to snap his neck.

Another flowing movement, and he was kicking the third man in the face, then wrapping the other leg around his neck and coming to the ground with a loud cracking noise as the man’s neck broke, a stupid little grin drooling blood from a corner of his lip.

Charlie had regained his feet and was rushing for the phone as Sean slowly came out of his bloodrage to stagger toward where Tess lay. It was obvious to him that she was dead, and he picked her head up to cradle it in his lap as he collapsed in tears, her blood sticky al over him, the last few pulses ebbing as he sat in the spreading puddle hearing Charlie talk to the operator in desperate tones. It only seemed a moment later the medics arrived, prying Tess from his grasp as he sobbed, Charlie trying to comfort him until the techs took him away as well.

It was only the feeling of being picked up and strapped to a gurney while he struggled to get loose that brought him back to a touch of consciousness.

Chapter 6

There followed a long, foggy time of grief, self condemnation, more rage, cycling back forth down into a bottomless well of despair. He knew he could have prevented the death of his young friend, and even though he knew Charlie was going to recover, it did not matter to him. All that mattered was the blood of another innocent on his hands, this time because of his own determination to never harm another. His mind spun in circles, unable to focus on anything other than his own culpability in this latest tragedy.

He began to carry a gun again, everywhere he went. He didn’t even sleep without a gun ready to his hand, training himself to wake at the slightest disturbance, ready to kill in defense of his loved ones. He tried desperately to comfort Tess’s mother and wound up sobbing in her arms a broken shell of a person. It was all he could do to force himself to eat, work held no interest, nothing mattered except that he had failed.

Eventually, time began to form a scab over the gaping wound that was his psyche, and life resumed, minus some of its former joy, but it did continue. He still had Charlie, his love, but that was all. That was almost enough.

There came a day when he stood over his father’s casket in Arlington Cemetery, watching as the earth consumed his mortal remains, and found that he was unable to feel anything for the man he had worshipped as a child. The crash of the salute did not stir him, Silver Taps did not bring a tear, it was simply a duty he had sworn to lo these many years ago, knowing that his mother would never get over her religion enough to give him the honor he deserved.

There was nothing left. He still had love, but everything else just bounced off him like the rattling of sleet off a windowpane, there, but impotent in its onslaught. Work was something to be done, no joy in a problem solved, nothing. It didn’t seem like there would ever be anything again. He felt as though his very soul had been stripped from him.

He didn’t even think he had room to feel hatred, but this was to be proven wrong when chance brought him a piece of information. He had been keeping tabs on his assailants of so long ago as they languished in prison, and one of their fellow inmates had heard the lot of them conspiring to send several new parolees to, as they put it “Finish the job those idiots started.”

Suddenly, with that piece of information, it all clicked. He knew now who had been responsible for Tess’s death and the close call Charlie had to suffer through. He could feel something now, and that something was a cold and implacable rage, not just a desire for vengeance but a deep visceral need.

There was only one problem. How to reach men who were in prison? He deeply wanted to kill them with his bare hands, to tell them why they were dying, but that wasn’t realistic. An idea began to form, a way that he could make them feel his hate before killing them. A few of his contacts over the years had been in law enforcement, and a favor or two was owed. He called in all his markers there, and his plan was in motion

So it was that Sean found himself prone on a hill overlooking the prison farm, a little over a half mile away. He had taken great care to select and camouflage his position, and as he snugged the stock on his father’s sniper rifle to his cheek, focused on the image in his scope, he sent a thought of thanks to his father for early training.

There they were, the three men who were his prey today. As he verified his targets, focusing on their faces, he had to surpress a little snarl. Waiting until the timing was right was perhaps the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, and he practically jittered with his impatience. He saw the three working near each other, and as they got a little further away from the other prisoners, he could tell they were talking about something.

It was time. The day was perfectly still, not even a hint of a breeze, everything just right as he exhaled, stroked the trigger. He barely felt the recoil and was already working the bolt, bringing the focus back to the next target, and the next. Three men lay on the ground, screaming. He had not gone for kill shots, not yet. He had some time, and he was going to make them suffer. The other prisoners were hugging the ground, trying to find cover while the guards were equally frantic.

He knew the three men could see each other, were calling to each other for help. The first target was trying to get help, and he savored the naked fear he saw on the man’s face as he dragged his useless legs behind him. A slight shift in the point of aim, and the man collapsed as another .380 round nearly severed one arm.

Renewed screaming and scrabbling from the other two drew his attention for a moment, but he returned his focus to the first. There was more to be done. He watched for a moment, trying to pick another shot that would not be immediately lethal. He knew his first shot had severed the man’s spine and made mincemeat out of his intestines, so he was dead anyway, but he wanted to watch him suffer. He was disappointed as the man stopped moving and lay there, eyes staring vacantly into nothing.

With a small sigh of regret, he focused on his next victim. This time he had a perfect angle and his shot crashed into the jaw, just below the point of the chin. The impact of the heavy round ripped most of the man’s lower jaw away in a spray of blood, bone and teeth. The remaining man was frantically dragging himself along the ground, not even noticing that he was leaving a trial of his own guts behind him.

Sean glanced down at his watch. Time to go. He could have sat and watched the show all day, but he had no intention of going to prison. He began to hum a little tune to himself as he administered head shots to each of the three, making certain of his kills before he policed up the spent cartridges and made his way back over the top of the hill and down to his waiting car.

Somehow, it just hadn’t been very satisfying. Sean knew his vengeance was complete, but it didn’t fill the void in his heart. Oh, maybe he felt a little lighter, knowing that the threat was gone, but two minutes of torturing the men who had made his life a hell on earth just wasn’t enough. Maybe nothing ever would be.

Chapter 7

Sean’s world slowly went back to some sort of normalcy. The years passed and he gradually learned to enjoy life again, some of the faded color returning. He made a point of mentoring young people, finding that it helped him to help them. He never let himself get emotionally close to them, however, that was more than he could bear.

Then, something cracked the shield he had built around his heart. It started as a simple email from his sister. He read, hardly daring to believe.

“Hey Bro, just wanted to let you know you just may have the chance to become whole again and achieve the dreams I know you hold dearest to your heart. A company called Care Givers(I’m sure you’ve heard of it) has developed a process to rewrite a person’s genetic code, turning them both female and young. The hitch is, you have to go into space for at least five years after that. I know that’s not a hitch for you, since the only thing you ever really wanted to do other than go to space was be a woman.”

“Anyway, this whole thing is fairly hush-hush, I only know about it through some friends here in Florida who are connected with the space program. I know you’ll have a lot of questions, but they will have to wait until you can come visit me. Bring Charlie with you, the kids want to see you both. Love ya Bro.”

Sean wept. Great ragged sobs as all of the emotions he had held within for longer than he could remember, since childhood, came pouring out, overwhelming him. He was barely aware of gentle hands stroking his hair, trying to soothe him. There was so much pent up he just couldn’t stop anymore. He finally fell asleep, still crying, cradled in the arms of his lover.

He awoke the next morning, feverish in his excitement. Charlie was getting on in age, and though medical science had made great strides, even now in early 2032 there was only so much that could be done, especially for someone who had as many health problems as Charlie had over the years. This was a chance for them to be together for a long time, much longer than either of them had ever thought possible, and to be young, healthy and whole again was a dream come true.

They talked it over, trying to find the downside. As usual, Charlie came up with it.

“What if we’re not attracted to each other sexually when you become a woman? You know I never have been into women that way, and neither have you.”

Sean thought about that for awhile, brooding over his slowly cooling coffee. “Well, I think we know our love isn’t just about sex. I mean, I haven’t been able to have sex of any kind for almost 15 years now, and I still love you. I don’t see that changing.”

“Yeah, good point.” Charlie sipped slowly. “Well, let’s look into it then. When do you want to go?”

“How about now? It’s not like there’s anything holding us here. I’ll call Sarah and we’ll leave as soon as we can get a bag packed.”

Less than half an hour later, they were pulling onto the freeway, bound for Florida.

A new beginning, a new hope, and a party.

Southern Comfort
Chapter 7
By Theide
 

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Charlie

I sat by the side of the bed, watching Sean for hours as she went through some obviously painful memories. From time to time I heard a heart wrenching scream and watched as her newly made body spasmed in the grip of horror. I knew from what she screamed what was running through her mind for the first while, but things trailed off into territory I didn’t know after a while. I heard her grieving, weeping fit to tear my heart out. I heard her say things that made my blood run cold.

I really didn’t know what to make of it. I knew one thing though, and that was that my darling had been through more shit than she had ever shared with me. Some of it brought to the surface things that I had suspected, but that she had never talked about and had always deflected attention from.

I wept over her bed as she writhed in her own internal hell, because I had some vague idea what was going on inside her head. She was reliving the horrible things that had happened that had happened to her, every last one of them. I knew that many of those memories had been repressed, I had seen the emotional weight of them piling up on her over the years and often marveled at the sheer determination required to keep the horror at bay, to keep her from just going completely crazy.

I somehow knew that at last the dams of her mind had broken, and she was being scoured clean by the torrent released.

What I didn’t know was how to help or what to do about it, and that helpless feeling nearly tore me apart. I had to draw on all of my training as a therapist just to keep myself together in the face of this, what was I going to do to help her?

In a quiet moment of fatalism, between her outpourings of tears and grief and rage, what could I do? I didn’t even know how to help myself. All I could do was hold her and wipe the tears from her cheeks as she wept, get out of reach while she raged, and hold her some more while she grieved.

I think I slept sometime in those two days. Gradually I heard the tempest of grief subside into a murmer, the raging hurricane of anger die down to a thunderstorm. The torrent of tears slowed down to trickle, and suddenly she opened her eyes.

She still had the same eye color, but somehow more vibrant, even though they were bloodshot from crying. A deep amber color with brilliant flecks of green. I gazed into those eyes as I saw her focus on me and knew that my love was back from whatever chamber of horrible memory she had inhabited for the past 2 days. I thought my heart was going to burst as I held her tightly, never wanting to let go.

“You ok?” I asked as she blinked slowly and smiled at me.
“Yeah baby, I think I’m ok. Something snapped and I relived all of it, all the shit I repressed. I think maybe I’m better than I’ve been in a very long time.” She sighed and tried to stretch, to be yanked short by her restraints. “What the fuck is this?”

“Well, you had to be restrained to keep you from hurting yourself or somebody else, you were pretty violent for a little while there. I can let you loose if you promise you’re going to be good and not kill any of the nurses.” I saw a little smirk steal across her face, overjoyed to see the same old Sean having a bit of fun.

“So I can eat em live?” The smirk changed to another look, one not nearly so funny, more like ravenous. “Seriously, I think I’d eat a horse if somebody led one in here, to hell with the nurses!” As if to lend testimony to that statement, her stomach growled loudly. “And I like horses!”

Just at that moment a couple of nurses trooped into the room, one of them carrying a tray piled high with food. We quickly busied ourselves with stuffing our faces as both of them bustled around doing things we were engrossed in eating to notice.

They gave us a little while to finfish off the food before they lead Sean off to undergo more testing, to determine just what had occurred. I told them, but they wouldn’t listen to me. I knew the she had just undergone the ultimate in cathartic experience, truly reliving all that had happened to her.

Sean

I opened my eyes slowly. Somehow, I felt better than I had in many years. I instantly knew the gaze that held my own, even though it was mounted on a very different face and the eyes were a different color. It was Charlie! I tried to yawn and stretch, and was more than a little irritated when I discovered that I was strapped to the bed, but that calmed down quickly and I was soon just lost in his, no make that her, eyes, barely able to look away as we both tore into meals fit to feed Mr. Universe while a couple of nurses bustled around us doing nursely things.

Sooner than I wanted, they dragged me off for testing. After what seemed like forever, we were told we had a month before we were due to report in for training, and I found myself driving us to my sister’s house. I wondered as we drove just what exactly she would think.

I had told her long ago about my need to be a woman, and had shared with her my sorrow at realizing just how unrealistic it was. If anyone knew me on that level it was her. I wondered how she would react to the new me.

Sooner than seemed possible, we were winding through her subdivision, pulling up in front of the house she and her husband had lived in these past thirty some years, where she had raised her son and her stepson, two of the better men I was proud to call both nephews and friends. I was terribly nervous as I noted that both of their cars were there.

How would they react to the fact that their beloved uncle was now their aunt? I almost got a case of the shakes, only calming myself down with some deep breathing exercises. I looked over to note that Charlie was in almost the same shape as I was. The petite blue eyed blonde that had been my guiding star pretty much my entire adult life was wiping sweaty palms on her dark blue slacks and trying to calm down a little before we got out.

We held each other’s eyes for a moment, then almost as one we opened our doors and stepped out into the fading brilliance of a late Florida afternoon. I guessed that none of the kids were there, as the house seemed quiet. We nervously walked up to the door and I rang the doorbell.

My sister opened the door, dressed as befitted the dignified matron she had become. She waved us into the foyer with hardly a word as I wondered just why everything was so quiet.

“Happy Birthday!” rang out around us the door clicked shut behind us and it seemed like everyone either Charlie or I knew sprang from behind furniture or around corners to the accompaniment of noisemakers and much yelling. I know I went weak in the knees, and Charlie blanched and damn near bolted back through the door.

To make it worse, Sarah ripped of her matron wear to expose a Marilyn Monroe getup and started doing her “Happy Birthday Mr., I mean Mrs. President” bit. I swear I thought I was just going to die from embarrassment. I was surrounded by colleagues, friends, relatives (both blood and through marriage to Charlie) and a couple of dogs who seemed determined to add their happy yips to the din.

I was truly stunned. Charlie and I were whirled off in different directions, both surrounded by amazed crowds of well wishers who kept assuring us that we both looked beautiful. I didn’t even know what to think and the first thing I did as soon as I was able to struggle free from the crowd was head for the bar. Miraculously, Charlie was there, surrounded by a somewhat predatory crowd of my colleagues who seemed determined to get into her pants.

I grabbed her and we somehow escaped onto the patio. Soon after, my sister led her husband out, with him pulling his blind man tapping with the cane bit. I knew perfectly well that he couldn’t see, but I also knew that he had some sort of gadget that let him know exactly where he was and what was around him, so the blind man bit was mostly a canard.

All the same, I felt a bit guilty ambushing him with a hug fit for a family. I still wasn’t any too steady on my feet with the new center of gravity I had recently acquired, so the hug wound up with him sprawling on top of me as we fell to the floor. I knew he wasn’t hurt, but he did take a moment to groan and moan before I got us disentangled and back on our feet.

The evening progressed in more or less the same fashion. I for one was truly amazed, as my sister had always been a bit of a prude. She was actually hosting the type of party Charlie and I usually had, including copious supplies of pot and liquor. It was well into the wee hours of the morning before things wound down and the last taxi took the last of the guests back to their hotels.

Both of our respective mates had gone to bed as my sister and I sat on the patio. She actually shared a joint with me, for the first time in almost 30 years. We sat and talked until the sun came up and both of us were unable to walk, then helped each other into the living room, giggling madly the entire time.

I went to sleep wishing we had been able to share this part of our lives when we were younger. The last thing I remember was her saying “I love you, little sissss…” just before she started to snore. I know I wanted to get up and go to our bed, to share with my love, but I couldn’t really move very well, so….

Something was licking my face. Something in that triggered moments of childhood, and I giggled as I turned to shield myself from big wet doggy kisses. That didn’t do much, as soon I was subject to two dogs worth, followed by my sister pouncing on me and hitting every tickle point known to mankind
 

Southern Comfort
Chapter 7 Continued
By Theide
 

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Something was licking my face. Something in that triggered moments of childhood, and I giggled as I turned to shield myself from big wet doggy kisses. That didn’t do much, as soon I was subject to two dogs worth, followed by my sister pouncing on me and hitting every tickle point known to mankind

She quickly dragged me out onto the patio, me faking my best at kicking and screaming all the way. I was actually looking forward to a dip in the morning, but I received the second shock of the morning when she tripped me!! I fell over her hip and Splooosh!!!!

Straight into the deep end of the pool, which I have to tell you was bloody fucking cold in early March! I decided that some sort of totally horrible revenge was due as I surfaced, spluttering and striking out for the edge of the pool. She shrieked and ran, but not very hard and I soon overtook her, trying my best to throw her by main force into the pool ion turn.

Very quickly I discovered that even though I was the same height as her, she outmassed me by quite a bit, as she reversed my throw and tossed me into the pool again! She bowed in my direction with a mocking grin on her face and proceeded to cannonball into the pool not a foot from me, yanking me under by my ankle as I spluttered from the tsunami she threw into me my face. We wrestled under the water for what seemed to be at least a minute, both of us trying holds and reverses on the other.

To someone watching from above, someone who had never seen my sister and I spar, it probably would have looked like we were trying to kill each other. In truth, the reason we surfaced when we did was because we were both in danger of drowning by giggle. A moment on the surface, and we were both back under trying valiantly to reach tickle points on the other, failing more often than not, but turning the surface of the pool into a froth of churning bubbles.

We finally surfaced, both of us laughing uncontrollably. I looked up and met a pair of deep blue eyes holding a smile for me and a glance over showed me Eric, staring out blindly, straight into my sister’s steely grey gaze. At that moment, I could have sworn that he saw her just as well as I did.

I will never say a bad word about my brother in law. In truth, he is one of the best men I have ever known. I hold him in high esteem, just as who he his, but his crowning glory is the fact that my sister found him fit to marry and father her child. He has been as faithful to her as it is possible for any human to be. I might disagree with some of his beliefs, but I can never fault the man who lived by them. They have raised two boys about as well as possible, and are in the process of becoming the perfect grandparents.

How could I not approve? When his minister did not approve, he insisted that I be the one to give away my sister at the altar in lieu of my father. He forced acceptance of gay rights onto the church in that reactionary congregation in North Carolina and fought for the ordination of female ministers. I will say this, when my brother in law gets a notion in his head that something is right, he will fight until his dying breath to make everyone around him accept it, be it by logic, ecumenical argument, or just plain force of will.

When the time came, he forced a change in the leadership of his branch of the Church of Christ, and personally performed the marriage ceremony for Charlie and I, in defiance of the local minister. I managed to hold back the tears of joy until after the ceremony, but when the time came, I simply hugged him and cried. It was so good to know that his love for all overcame the prejudice he had been born into that I could no longer contain myself. Did I mention that he is one of the best men I had ever known?

Anyway, my sister and I were both helped out of the pool by our respective spouses, to the accompaniment of much giggling. The ever attentive Eric had a huge beach towel spread out for Sarah to snuggle into, while I had to settle for snuggling in one of the lounge chairs with my enchanting little hottie of a lover. She had a towel too, but was content to spread it over both of us as we kissed in the frigid furniture. We fell asleep that way, tangled up in each other.

It could have been a minute later, but my stomach was telling me that it was an eternity as my sister wafted a plate of flapjacks under my nose, playfully holding it just out of reach. I could smell the rich flavor of buttermilk pancakes, the sweet blast of syrup and the tang of real butter. You know the old cartoons where the character levitates out of bed, and follows the scent of food? I could have been that cartoon at that moment, trailing along behind the plate with Charlie still attached to me, her cute little nose twitching at the scent of food but still entrapped in the arms of morpheus.

I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the healthiest breakfast of all time, but Charlie and I both showed our approval by scarfing down as much as we could possibly hold and that was quite a lot! They had told us that one of the side effects of the change was extreme hunger, but this went a little beyond extreme. The joke about eating a horse hadn’t been entirely in jest, as I swear I could have literally done so!

At about the same time, Charlie and I realized that we were both uncomfortably full. I mean really, seriously, patting our bulging tummies and belching worth of uncomfortably full. We tried to be polite as we dragged each other to the guest bedroom, not even noticing that it had been set up as a honeymoon suite kind of thing. My last thought as we snuggled up to each other was “Poor sis, she really doesn’t have a clue….”

I dreamed then, dreams in diametric opposition. Some of them were horrific, some of them were beatific, some of them just plain strange. Through all of them, there was one constant. Charlie, the love of my life, the only one I had ever truly cared for. Either she was clutching me or I was clutching her, but one of us had hold of the other at all times, and it was the best feeling it was possible to feel.

I awoke to a very strange feeling. Someone was exploring my nether regions, tickling parts of me that I had never had before. I gasped in pleasure as her thumb brushed across a very sensitive part of me and moaned as I felt a finger slid up into me in a place I had never had before.

I couldn’t help but squeal as another finger joined the first and quickly brought me to a towering, butt clenching, humping orgasm like nothing I had ever felt before. I’m pretty sure I squeaked as I came, an uncontrollable torrent of pleasure lighting my every nerve ending. I swear I came in my toes!

That was just too much for me to handle. I mean, I hadn’t had an orgasm in more than 15 years! As if that wasn’t enough, I soon felt the onset of another, then another! I couldn’t keep up, and though I tried my best to reciprocate, to give my love an orgasm to match my own, I was just drowned in sensation and pleasure, unable to really do anything other than just lie there and take it. I went to sleep again that way, Charlie whispering in my ear. “I looove you!!”

So it was basically a month of honeymoon after that, Charlie and I taking every chance we could to explore each other. We stayed at my sister’s house for about a week, then left to go on a whirlwind tour of the world. The signing bonus we both got had us positively swimming in liquid funds so money wasn’t an issue. We went to all the places we found truly interesting, almost none of which were the typical tourist destinations.

I had arranged an open card for Sarah and Eric, and they had the run of the planet for themselves. I’m sure they enjoyed it, but I couldn’t help wishing that Eric could actually see the places they went. There was just kind of an emotional downer knowing that he was going to all of the places he had ever wanted to go and still being unable to truly see them. All the same, I was happy that I got to do something like that for my sister. She never really said it, but I knew it meant a lot to her.

All too soon, it was time to go in and report for training. I knew full well that it might be the last time I saw my sister, and our goodbyes were filled with tears.

We reported for training almost on time. I had spent almost my entire life being afraid of skin cancer, so it was the first time I had ever had a decent tan. I was a sort of medium brown, but Charlie was an even deeper olive color, I guess it had something to do with her genetics. We had both had a great deal of adjustment to do over the month. I mean I had to deal with the fact that my hunk of a husband(okay, my potbellied , Hairy hunk of love) had become this delicate, blue eyed hottie! Truth be, I think she had a lot more to deal with than I did. I had been the male provider for my love far longer than anything else, and even though my physical form had changed, she found it hard to shift back to our original format, with me being the maiden in distress and her being the strong rescuer.

 

Southern Comfort
Chapter 8
By Theide
 

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We reported for training almost on time. I had spent almost my entire life being afraid of skin cancer, so it was the first time I had ever had a decent tan. I was a sort of medium brown, but Charlie was an even deeper olive color, I guess it had something to do with her genetics. We had both had a great deal of adjustment to do over the month. I mean I had to deal with the fact that my hunk of a husband(okay, my potbellied , Hairy hunk of love) had become this delicate, blue eyed hottie! Truth be, I think she had a lot more to deal with than I did. I had been the male provider for my love far longer than anything else, and even though my physical form had changed, she found it hard to shift back to our original format, with me being the maiden in distress and her being the strong rescuer.

It was necessary, though. I spent most nights screaming in horror and sweating in terror while she held me tight. I think I might have just gone crazy had I not had her to hold and soothe me. She held me tight when the monsters of my id came to lay their claim, battling them right alongside me. In Corfu, she held me. In Macchu Pichu, she held me, stilled my terror to something that I could endure.

Even though we were on different tracks for training, she held me through the terror of the night. I spent endless hours trying to get my kimono to hang just right, while to her it seemed effortless. I was only really able to focus when I was flying a ship in the sims. Somehow, when I was strapped into the pilot’s seat, everything became clear, reality jelled, and I was able to focus, to the exclusion of everything else.

When they gave me a stupidly difficult course to plot, it wasn’t a problem. Something within me just had the answers, no mistakes, nothing but a perfectly flown profile no matter what they threw at me, no mater how many variables were involved.

It seemed like music was my bane. I had chosen Violin as my instrument, and I swear I could imitate a massive catfight with no effort, but coaxing a melody out of the damn thing was completely beyond me. I played until my fingers were raw and played even more after that, forcing myself to learn the great masterpieces. There finally came a day when I could make a decent go of it, and I was forced to play in front of an audience.

I don’t really know what happened, I just know I put everything I had into my playing. When I was done, when the last note faded into silence, I looked up to find an auditorium full of people, completely silent, a good half of them weeping. I knew the piece affected me that way, but to be able to project that to listeners was something I never thought I would be able to do. I sat in stunned silence as the thunder of applause rolled over me, my violin hanging from one hand while my bow hung from the other, completey drained of energy.

When the time came and Charlie played, I found myself among those weeping for joy at the clarion notes she produced. I felt her sadness, her joy, flew with her as she caressed the ivory into an ode to love and pain, something no one had ever heard, and I knew she had written it for me. She crushed my heart and caused it to soar on the wings of love, all in a simple tickle of the keys. I felt ashamed that I had only been able to produce something plebian for my own recital. It took almost a full minute after her last note died into silence for the audience to respond. I think they were just as dumbstruck as I was.

How could anything be so perfect?

We then launched into a duet, both of us singing and playing. It was “Jesu, the Joy of Man’s Desiring”. By the time we were done, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Somehow, we had both transcended our individual limitations and produced something that went beyond what either of us were able to do on our own. Then it was time for our finishing piece. We both launched into it with a will, our voices twining around each other in a sensual dance of hope.

I know it was a bit cheesy, but as the final notes rang through the auditorium, I knew it had been the perfect choice. “Somewhere Over the Rainbow, dreams really do come true!”

The next day, one of my dreams really did come true as we felt the rocket boosters kick in and lift us into space, literally out of this world. I knew Charlie was scared, but for me, it was everything I had ever wanted. I wept for joy as the force of acceleration pressed me back into the cushions of the char, knowing that I was going where I had spent my entire life wanting to be.

I know it seems like a cliché’, but it is true. I had longed to slip the surly bonds of earth since I was a child, to touch the stars. Now that dream was coming true and it was all I could do to keep from screaming my joy to the universe. I knew that Charlie was scared, sitting beside me, and I held her tightly (Well, as much as I could while we were tightly strapped into our chairs).

The training had been hard, three years of demanding school, no quarter given. In truth, we both took to it like fish to water. I had never realized how much my love simply loved learning for its own sake until I saw how she threw herself into learning the new skills she had to pick up just to get her new professional certifications. We both grew mentally as well as physically during our time in training.
 

Southern Comfort
Chapter 9
By Theide
 

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The training had been hard, three years of demanding school, no quarter given. In truth, we both took to it like fish to water. I had never realized how much my love simply loved learning for its own sake until I saw how she threw herself into learning the new skills she had to pick up just to get her new professional certifications. We both grew mentally as well as physically during our time in training.

Really, I never would have guessed that the man I had loved for so many years would become a hardware geek. He had been a counselor, a shrink as some would say, and really hated reading. All of that changed. She became a competent pilot, a more than competent power systems technician, and a true genius at pretty much anything medical.

That, and our sparring sessions got rather interesting, to say the least. To say that she was fast was like saying the sun was hot. I’ll say it like it is and was, she put me to shame. Yes, I am larger, by a good margin, and yes, I had more training, but 4 out of 5 times she put me on the mat and rubbed my face in it, without even breaking a sweat. I think the most embarrassing thing was that she could outshoot me. I’m talking fast draw artist here. She could draw and fire a full magazine before I even cleared leather, and with accuracy that was not to be believed.

That truly shocked me because I had not even been able to teach Charlie to chamber a round properly in an automatic before. I had tried, but after 3 weeks, I had simply given up and bought him a .38 revolver.

The hardest thing for both of us was the whole Japanese etiquette thing. We both tried really hard to nail it down, but I will be the first to admit that our Tea ceremonies were sadly lacking. It wasn’t that we didn’t get the Zen of the thing, the beauty of simplicity, but to translate that understanding into reality was something else entirely. I felt like an elephant among gazelles when it came time to present the full ceremony for our instructors. The folds of my kimono were wrong, I presented the tea improperly, I almost stumbled and fell, and perhaps worst of all, I thumped heavily onto the mat with my knees rather than gracefully folding into position.

Oh, did I mention my Japanese sucked? I swear I never thought I had that heavy of an accent, but it seemed like everything came out with a drawl. Just envision Japanese with a heavy southern drawl and bad grammar and you’ve got it.

My instructors told me to just relax and go with the flow, but I knew full well that the face I was to present for the company was that of a Geisha, and I tried my best to put that forward. When it came time to present that face for the founder of the company, Mary Yotori, I was almost shaking I was so scared. I damn near dropped the cup handing it to her. I was truthfully so mortified I was holding back tears by the time she took her first sip.

Then she spoke to me, quietly. “Daughter, do not be ashamed. You have honored me with this presentation. It may not be a perfect traditional ceremony, but it was the best you could do, and that is the most this one could ask of you.” She reached out and cupped my chin in her palm, forcing me to raise my face and meet her eyes. “Child, the meaning of the ceremony is more important than the ritual. The ritual is important, true, but you will get better with that given time. You have proven that you have everything required to be a true Care Giver, and that is what matters most, you have love in your heart, and love to give, and that is what we are truly about, beneath the corporate face. I know all (and at that point my heart raced) and I do mean all of what you have been through and done, and it just makes you more special to me. You are not just Geisha, you are Samurai, and that is the true meaning of Geisha.”

“Child, do you not yet understand that to be Geisha is more than just the ceremonies, more than just the fucking, you are a warrior of the spirit, and when you need to be, a warrior of the body.” At this point, my eyes were so filled with tears of shame that I could only dimly perceive her through a veil of shimmer. I was more than astonished to find her arms folding around me, drawing me into an embrace, the sort of embrace a mother would give a child who was distraught over a bad grade, but more tender.

I collapsed into her arms, sobbing. She held me, rocked me until my tears subsided and my sobs turned into hiccups. I had simply thought I was mortified before, but now, as I came to an awareness of more than just my crying fit, I was absolutely horrified to be sitting face to face with this woman, this powerful woman, sobbing into her kimono like some lost child, but as I came further into possession of my senses, I began to realize just what she was teaching me, in the midst of what I had thought was a sort of final exam.

It came clear to me, right at that moment, a sort of epiphany, that my true purpose was to coach others through their horrors, the same as she was helping me right at that that moment. I mean I had known that I was to be a Care Giver, but I had never truly realized that I was to actually love those whom I was assigned to, to nurture them, to help them through their own version of the terrors I had suffered through myself, not so very long ago. It struck me with a sort of hammer blow, and from that moment on, I never saw myself or the world the same way again.

Charlie

My world had changed forever. That was the only thing I could think as we entered training. Nothing was the same as it had been, nothing was ever going to be the same, or even remotely similar. Here I was, a tiny 5,2” blonde, when I had been for all of my adult life a 5,10” butch male! I mean yeah, I was gay, and I even liked men who were a bit bigger than me, but I was always on top. Not only that, I was training to be a kind of space Geisha! I think the true saving grace for me was that Sean was just as submissive a lover as she had ever been when she was a he, and it allowed me to retain some sense of my former self. I was the dominant lover, the one who took the initiative, the one who first fingered and stroked my lover’s newfound sex into orgasm after so long without, and that was the role I maintained for a very long time after that. I so ached to penetrate her, to fuck her silly, and it hurt me that I no longer had the equipment to do that.

Top that with the confusion I felt actually wanting to fuck a female, and I was one very mixed up person. Training was just so odd to me, I felt the need to assert my dominance over her, to just be better, and I wound up excelling in just about everything I put my mind to. I got better than her in martial arts, hell, I could even beat her in a quick draw contest. I even overcame my initial objections and got better at the whole Tea ceremony and Japanese etiquette thing. The thing I could not get past was my essential need to dominate, to control, to be the center of it all. I just could not be the shrinking violet, the submissive Geisha.

I did discover an unknown (to me) talent for things mechanical, and I somehow found a sort of peace in piloting a spacecraft, in working out just the perfect course from one point to another. It was as though I were a piece of dandelion fluff, dancing on the wind, subject to it’s whim yet inexorably going where I wanted to with no real effort at all, and that feeling filled me with joy. I think the thing I most enjoyed was relearning the medical profession and knowing that I had the knowledge and the power to heal people from grievous and horrible injuries and sickness.

This thing was what gave me pleasure and a sense of accomplishment beyond what I had felt in my previous professional life. I will admit I gloated a little when I was able to be graceful and perfectly composed in my kimono while Sean was floundering about in hers like an elephant in a silk shop. Truthfully, she was composed and beautiful, but neither of us were anything like the picture of grace and beauty a perfect Geisha should be. It’s not that we didn’t try, but I guess too many years of training to be butch males had infected us, and neither one of us was truly able to get it right.

I know for myself that when it finally came time to present a proper tea ceremony for Mama Yotori, I felt about as clumsy as it was possible to feel, and it showed. I fumbled the mixing of the tea, I sat just wrong, and I almost spilled the cup onto her when I handed it to her. To tell the truth I hadn’t ever been so mortified, not even when I had gotten hired in a five star restaurant and had no idea what I was doing. That feeling astonished me, for I hadn’t realized until that moment how important it was to me that I succeeded in this, because there was no other way I would be able to accompany my love into what was supposed to be the rest of our lives.

I mean, I knew I loved her, had for many years, and always would, but the idea that screwing up something as simple as a tea ceremony would take her from me, would keep us apart, that just made me feel like someone was ripping my heart out, and I spun and ran from the compartment, mopping the tears from my eyes, not truly caring if I ran into a bulkhead or not, bouncing from wall to wall, my vision obscured by the rippling film my own eyes subjected me to.

I came to my senses a while later, and wonder of wonders, it was my love holding me tight. Rocking me back and forth and crooning to me in her fantastic contralto as she wiped the tears from my face.

“Baby, you gotta tell me what’s wrong if I’m gonna help! Please tell me what’s wrong. Please?.” I gulped back another sob and managed to say it.

“I don’t wanna lose you, and I fucked up on the ceremony so bad, and its Mama Yotori, and if I lose you just because I can’t manage a stupid tea ceremony I just wanna die! I know this is all you ever wanted, and I won’t hold you back from it, I just don’t wanna lose you! I don’t wanna live if it’s gonna be without you!”

She folded me into her wonderful long, strong arms and just held me and crooned wordlessly into my ears until I stopped sobbing enough to hear her. “Baby, you’re never gonna lose me, no matter what! When I said till death do us part, I meant it! Nothing short of one of us dying will tear us apart, and that includes the Company. Now just calm down for a few minutes and go back to see Mama Yotori. If she says you don’t pass inspection, then neither do I, and we will make our way somehow else. I don’t care if we have to work the rest of our long lives in slavery, nothing will ever make me leave you!”

By this time, she was sobbing too. The truth is, both of us were a mess, tear streaked makeup, the whole bit, and we looked a fright. She steered me into the head and we both made ourselves up to be at least somewhat presentable. Then it was the long march down the corridors to face destiny, to go back to see Mama Yotori.

I could not keep my hands from shaking as I pushed the button which would sound the bell for admittance. I truly dreaded seeing the woman’s face, for I expected to see her disapproval written all over, some sort of mask of fury. You can imagine how dumfounded I was when I was greeted with welcoming arms and a woman stroking my back while I poured out my heart to her. I truthfully don’t have any idea what she said to me, but I do know that I left feeling better, and knowing that Mama Yotori cared less about the ceremony than about the meaning I put into it, however graceless it might be.

The next night, when we made our musical presentation, I put everything I had into it and I know my love did too. I felt inadequate, but the crowd seemed to think differently, and we left the hall floating on clouds.

I guess at that point the remaining thing was that I was not just afraid of spaceflight, I was afraid of just plain old air flight. I kept my terror down to a bare simmer because I knew my love had been lusting for the moment when the boosters lit for all of her life, and I was determined not to ruin it for her with my own fear. Still, as I felt her squeeze my hand in anticipation, I had to apply every fiber of will in my being not to clutch her hand in terror and hope she didn’t notice how tightly I was gripping the armrest on the other side.

Sean was unsure exactly how to proceed, as the atmosphere on the other side of the hatch seemed almost chilly to her. The captain of the ship stood there, a tall blond Nordic type of man, no readable expression on his face. She decided to just go with being a businesslike spacer, presenting both of their papers to the man. “Captain Thorssen?” Her warm contralto seemed to just crack the surface of his icy demeanor as he reached for the proffered papers. “Sir, Sean and Charlie Barber reporting for duty.” The three of them stood there while he seemed to study their papers intently.

Southern Comfort
Chapter 10
By Theide
 

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May 5, 2035.

An auburn haired woman pulled her trolley of luggage along the passageway, followed by a tiny blonde. It was obvious from their pink shipsuits who and what they were, but neither of them took any notice of the eyes following them as they embarked on the shuttle bound for the Thor Heyerdahl. In truth many of the spacers which belonged to those eyes were at the same time lustful towards and intimidated by the aura both of them put out, a cast of feature which both screamed sensuality and whispered danger. There was a difference between them, the bubbly blonde much more on the sensual end while the taller auburn haired woman seemed to stalk along the passage.

They quietly boarded, relieved of their baggage by crewmen who seemed almost abashed at approaching them. Soon, the only thing left in the crowded terminal was the memory of their passage. It wasn’t like this terminal was unused to the passage of caregivers, but this pair had a sort of magnetism that wouldn’t soon let anyone forget them. They efficiently strapped down into seats while the shuttle crew secured their baggage, then they were on their way to their first assignment.

Neither of them said a word that was not necessary during the short shuttle trip, but it was obvious to the crew from the glances between them that these two were new to the whole business of space travel. They arrived at the Heyerdahl and were hustled off the shuttle with equal efficiency.

Sean was unsure exactly how to proceed, as the atmosphere on the other side of the hatch seemed almost chilly to her. The captain of the ship stood there, a tall blond Nordic type of man, no readable expression on his face. She decided to just go with being a businesslike spacer, presenting both of their papers to the man. “Captain Thorssen?” Her warm contralto seemed to just crack the surface of his icy demeanor as he reached for the proffered papers. “Sir, Sean and Charlie Barber reporting for duty.” The three of them stood there while he seemed to study their papers intently.

“Everything seems to be in order here. Welcome aboard ladies.” He handed their orders back to them, another sheet on top of each set. “These will be your quarters. Take a while to get settled in and find your bearings, the midday meal will be served in 2 hours.” With that, he spun on his heels and marched down the passageway, his bearing stiffly erect.

Neither of them spoke for a moment, exchanging curious looks at each other and at the back of the rapidly retreating man. “Geez, I wonder what bug crawled up his ass?” The diminutive blonde giggled at her own remark.

“Damn, I was just wondering how far up it the broom handle went…” They both were on the edge of going from giggling to outright laughter when another figure came out of a side passage and extended his rather large and beefy hand to them.

“Welcome ladies, your other luggage and reputations have preceded you.” Despite the immense muscular bulk of the man, he was giving off the impression of a puppy eager to please, practically wagging his tail as he shook each of their hands in turn. “Don’t mind Gunnar, he’s had a bit of a bad go lately, wife left him and all. Said she couldn’t stand being married to a man she never saw. You’d never guess it but the poor guy’s heartbroken about the whole thing. Anyway, lemme grab your stuff and let’s get you two settled in.”

He efficiently retracted the wheels and pull handles of their bundles and proceeded down the passageway in a rolling sort of gait. He spoke over his shoulder as he lumbered “Oh, sorry, forgot to introduce myself, I’m Leif, First Mate, Gunnar’s my big brother. You’ll meet the rest of the crew in a couple of hours but I wanted to give you some time to settle in.”

The two women regarded his broad back as he effortlessly carried his burden. The taller of the two women said quietly “Holy shit, you know that’s about 200 kilos he’s carrying and he acts like he hasn’t even noticed it was heavy.”

“Yeah, kinda makes you wonder if his muscles match the rest of him, huh?” The blonde looked wide eyed and innocent, or at least tried to. They both went back to giggling as the speculation reached ever more outrageous proportions. By the time they reached the double cabin they would share, they had hatched a plan of action.

Leif had deposited their luggage in the small cabin and turned to squeeze his way past them when he found a small blonde blocking his way and grinning up at him. “You ain’t going anywhere until we give you a tip, mister!”

An hour later he left with a huge grin on his face.

As the hatch closed behind his ponderous and now sweaty bulk, the two sprang into action. For the next few minutes, the tiny cabin was a flurry of motion as they quickly sponged themselves off and dressed in fresh pink shipsuits. With about 5 minutes to go, they were both helping each other with hair and the lightest of makeup.

“Damn, who would have thought the one muscle was bigger than all the others? I think I’m ruined for the week!” The taller of the two fought to keep from blinking as her eyes were artfully smudged with color.

“What are you talking about, I think I dislocated my jaw! Hold still, dammit!”

They deliberately arrived in the ship’s mess about 5 minutes late. The hatch slid open to reveal 12 men in the process of shoveling food into their mouths as quickly as they could. There was a moment of near silence, broken only by the noise of swallowing and a fork being dropped. Even the taciturn and proper captain was staring, a forkful of food forgotten halfway to his mouth, just hanging there.

“Well, I guess we’ll have to introduce ourselves then. I’m Sean, the little hottie here is Charlie. Tell me you left something for us to eat!”
There was a general scramble to make room for them and plates seemed to magically appear in front of the empty spaces on the benches. Sean headed for one table and Charlie for the other, dishing up food for themselves while the mostly conversationless eating resumed. Lief was being very solicituous to Sean as she ate her food quickly but almost daintily, her eyes noting the posture and mannerisms of the men around her. Her eyes were almost immediately drawn to a slight young man who seemed almost withdrawn on his corner of the table, noting the slight separation he seemed to maintain between himself and the others.

Charlie had sat across the table from the captain and was trying to catch his eye without much success. He kept his eyes on his plate and shoveled the food into his mouth in almost a mechanical fashion, detached in a way from his surroundings and the men who constituted his command. She too noticed the young man who seemed to be in his own little bubble of space.

A soon as each crewman finished eating they left the mess without saying much at all. There was something going on here, some sort of tension that seemed to permeate the ship, and Charlie was distracted from her meal as she put her mind to working on just what that might be.

One shift, I found myself in the aeroponics section along with Simon, the slight young man we had both noticed keeping himself apart from the rest in the mess hall the first time we had eaten aboard ship. I had noticed that he cast longing glances at both of us when we ate, but not in the same way as the others, and he had never tried to approach either of us as the others had. There had been no time for anything but the business of running the ship since we first broke orbit, but as we shuffled around each other, checking pumps and sprayers, pruning plants to ensure maximal growth patterns and yields, I noticed him glancing at me sideways when he thought I wasn’t looking.

Southern Comfort
Chapter 11
By Theide
 

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Chapter 11

Sean

The Heyerdahl boosted out of Earth orbit 24 hours after we boarded, bound for the belt with a cargo of refinery components. Kennecot Geophysical was building a refinery to process the ores gleaned from asteroids for shipment to Earth and our shipment was required to keep the project on schedule. The manufacturer had delivered the components almost a month late and we had to boost hard to make it in time.

Even with compensation from the ship’s artificial gravity, we were experiencing 1.5 gravities onboard for the first pat of the journey outbound. I think Charlie was least affected by it as she had less mass to haul around compared to the rest of us. Poor Leif was worst hit. I can’t say how it felt for anyone else, but for me, it made every step just a little more effort and we all pretty much dragged ass the whole way.

Charlie and I did our best to get to know the crew, to do what we were supposed to do, be their lovers, confidants, all of that, but it was made almost impossible by the fact of ever present exhaustion. There really wasn’t time to do much more than our duties on shift and collapse into our bunks after, exhausted. That’s not to say that there wasn’t a bit of sexual relief going on, but it was so hard to do that and keep up with our duties as regular crewmembers that that end of things suffered. Most nights, Charlie and I simply snuggled into our bed and fell asleep, tired beyond belief. We both knew that the crew was doing the same, working themselves to exhaustion and sleeping until it was time for the next shift.

Captain Thorssen seemed to be almost invulnerable to the stress of the thing. He spent all sorts of hours on the bridge or prowling through the engineering spaces of the ship, looking over everyone’s shoulders and making them nervous. In our few spare moments alone, Charlie and I speculated about him, wondering just how long he could remain this way before he broke. The evidence of his pain hung about him like a shroud.

One shift, I found myself in the aeroponics section along with Simon, the slight young man we had both noticed keeping himself apart from the rest in the mess hall the first time we had eaten aboard ship. I had noticed that he cast longing glances at both of us when we ate, but not in the same way as the others, and he had never tried to approach either of us as the others had. There had been no time for anything but the business of running the ship since we first broke orbit, but as we shuffled around each other, checking pumps and sprayers, pruning plants to ensure maximal growth patterns and yields, I noticed him glancing at me sideways when he thought I wasn’t looking.

Suddenly, it came to me, the answer to his dilemma. I tried to keep from speaking, but this was too important. “Simon, you want to be like me, don’t you?”

He literally bolted from the aeroponics bay, running at full tilt down the passage leading to crew’s quarters. I knew his bunkmate was crashed out in his cabin at that moment, so I pursued. “Simon, come back here and talk to me! It’s ok, I won’t tell anybody!” I caught him and tried to grab his arm, tried to turn him around to talk to me, but he was so strong he simply whipped his arm out of my grasp and continued fleeing, straight into the immovable bulk of an enormous and clearly exhausted Leif.

He bounced, literally, landing with a muttered oath on his butt. I skidded to a halt just short of him and tried to grab hold. He shook my grip off and tried to proceed past a now awake and immobile giant. “Boy, it looks like the lady wants to talk with you, and I wouldn’t argue with her if I was you.” His deep rumbling voice seemed to just sort of reset everything. He turned back towards me and just gave a little shrug, effortlessly placing Simon’s hand in my own.

“Thanks Leif, now go to bed before you fall down. See you at breakfast, ok?” He replied with that amiable grin of his and ambled off in the direction of his cabin.

I had hold of Simon now, and I wasn’t going to let him go until I had an answer. He seemed to have given up in his desire to flee so it was with minimal effort that I dragged him back into the aeroponics bay. I made certain the hatches were secured before I turned to him finally, finding him seemingly engrossed in an examination of nutrient flow rates.

“Simon, I was right, wasn’t I?” He started, jolted from the reverie he had fallen into. “Simon, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.” I moved over to his side. “I was once the same as you, you know.”

“That’s just not possible!” He was agitated again, fussing with the controls, making impossibly minute adjustments to flow rates on the sprayers. “Look at you, and look at me, nothing could ever make that kind of difference! I’m just a fucking freak!” I could see the beginnings of a thunderstorm of tears beginning to pour from the corners of his eyes. He seemed almost to shrink in on himself as the storm finally burst and he folded into a ball on the floor, weeping inconsolably.

I held him for a long time while he wept on me, rocking him back and forth in my arms, stroking his hair, trying to soothe him as the tears that he had held back for so long poured forth. I found myself crooning an old song to him, only half conscious of what I was saying through the veil of my own tears.

“Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Mama's going to buy you a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird don't sing,
Mama's going to buy you a diamond ring.
And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's going to buy you a looking glass.
And if that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's going to buy you a billy goat.
And if that billy goat won't pull,
Mama's going to buy you a cart and bull.
And if that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's going to buy you a dog named Rover.
And if that dog named Rover won't bark,
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart.
And if that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.”

I just held him and rocked him in my arms for a while until he had cried himself out. “Simon, listen to me. I spent 60 years in the same hell as you, and mama Yotori helped me sort it out. You can be who you want to be. No promises, but I can put in a recommendation for you.”

“There’s no way you were ever like me, no way you can ever understand.” He almost spat the words. “I’ve seen sex changes with surgery and hormones, there’s no way you were ever one of those. And you try to tell me you are 60 plus years old! You’re not a day over 25! No way in hell!”

“Simon, I’m 63 years old. I spent the first 60 years of my life as a male and never wanted to be anything other than a woman. I hated myself, damn near killed myself a few times. The only thing that saved me was love, and even that came with complications. You see, I was a boy, and I fell in love with an older man. No matter how much I loved him, he could not accept me as a female, and I gotta tell you, I didn’t look the part either. I gave up that part of myself for him for 43 years. It was hard for me, harder than you can imagine, but at least the man I loved acknowledged his love for me, even though he was sorta stuck in the mud.”

He seemed to relax a little, looking up at me with red eyes. “You really mean I could be like you, a real girl and everything?” There was a slowly dawning look of wonder on his face.

“There’s a chance, a pretty good chance.” I wiped the tears from his face. “You’d be a caregiver, just like me and Charlie. I can’t guarantee you’d be accepted, but recommendations from 2 caregivers and the fact that you already hold all of your spacer certs makes you pretty much an ideal candidate.”

He looked confused for a moment. “You said two recommendations? How?”

I sat him down facing me and took both my hands in mine. “Well, remember I told you I was in love with a man for 43 years?” He nodded. “Well, it’s not like he went anywhere, we’re still together. We share the same bed when one of us isn’t sharing somebody else’s.”

It took him a second to figure it out. “You mean Charlie was a guy too?”

“Yep, for almost 80 years, but he wasn’t like me and you, he never really wanted to be a woman. I will say she makes a pretty damn good one though, and she really seems to enjoy it.” I pulled him back to his feet. “Now come on, these plants won’t take care of themselves. We’ll talk more after this shift, ok?” He just nodded and we spent several more hours tending greenery in a companionable silence, broken by the occasional happy humming coming from him.

The Heyerdahl continued straining its way toward the belt, the crew working themselves to exhaustion, but one source of that tension the two women had felt that first day aboard had eased. Simon seemed to relax and interact more with his crewmates, even engaging in some light banter with the others where before he had been almost totally withdrawn. The other major source of tension was still stalking the ship like some kind of wraith. The captain was to be found at all hours, anywhere in the ship but his cabin and it was plainly making the crew uncomfortable.

Charlie and Sean debated what to do about it, not really coming to any sort of obvious conclusion. In the end, it was Charlie who took action, in the most direct possible way.

Captain Thorssen had just gotten off his duty shift on the bridge and was headed to his cabin for a quick shower before dinner. He stepped into his shower cubicle and was busily washing himself down when suddenly he felt hands other than his own lathering up his nether regions. This sensation was quickly followed by the unmistakable feeling of a very feminine and very petite body rubbing up against him. His eyes, closed against the soap, snapped open to behold Charlie holding him and rubbing her breasts up against his torso.

Gunnar found himself torn between a desire to eject this vision of blonde beauty from his shower and another, equally strong desire to embrace her and give in to what she so obviously wanted. The soap in his eyes made the decision for him as he leaned toward the shower head to rinse the stinging stuff out of his eyes and she took the opportunity to slide down him and engulf him in her mouth.

They missed dinner, and breakfast.

Sean stood for a moment, her violin hanging from her fingers. She was terrified, shocked, unable to move or even swallow for an instant of time that seemed to her to last forever. She finally lifted her instrument and almost aggressively clamped her chin down on the pad. She held her bow over her violin as though she was ready to beat the instrument, so it was a surprise when the first notes she wrung from it were so soft as to be almost inaudible.

Southern Comfort
Chapter 12
By Theide
 

---

 

Chapter 12

Charlie was exhausted. The emotional roller coaster she had been through the night before showed clearly on her face as she made her way to the cabin that was her home with Sean on ship and, she supposed, their home for quite a while yet to come. She couldn’t get the image of the strong man she knew as Gunnar out of her head, his sobbing as she drew his head to her breast and encouraged his tears to flow down her bosom after the glorious release of that first pent up orgasm had caused the dam which held him in check to burst with the finality of birthwaters.

She wasn’t absolutely sure she was in love with him, but she knew there were deep feelings there waiting to grow if she let them, and it scared her. She wondered just how she was going to approach this subject with Sean.

“So how was our fine captain?”

Sean was moving around the small cabin, pulling on a fresh shipsuit, an expression of satisfaction on her face. Charlie eyed her for a moment before replying, admiring her love. *How she would have loved to be like this when we were together back then.* She thought to herself. *I was so selfish to deny her the chance.* For now, Charlie was bound up in her own miasma of guilt, little realizing how her lover felt.

“Insatiable,” Charlie reflected for a moment on her thoughts of the previous night, a quick flash of heat in her core at the memory of him, the expression on his face at the moment he finally let himself go to ride the tides of sensation. “and sad. I’ve never had a man cry on me while making love to me. We spent the rest of the night talking about how guilty he felt.”

Sean turned to look at Charlie as a tear leaked from her eye. “So was he guilty about having sex with you, or guilty about his relationship with his wife going south?” Charlie didn’t respond for a moment, the single tear turning into a steady flow down her cheeks.

“Both, neither, I don’t know, I just know I feel so bad for him that he’s tied up in feeling so much to blame no matter what he does. I mean, he’s a spacer and she knew it when she married him. Poor guy has worked basically his entire life to make his ambition come to fruition and just at the moment he manages to make his dream of owning his own ship and being truly independent a reality, she goes all cold fish on him. He’s got 2 sons with her, 5 year old twins, and he feels guilty for abandoning them, even though he has given up juicy contract jobs to get back to Earth as often as possible just to spend time with them.”

Sean folded her into an embrace and let her just cry on her shoulder, stroking her back as she let it out. “You know, I talked with Leif about this last night some, and he thinks Gunnar doesn’t have a thing in the world to feel guilty about.” She shifted Charlie back to look her in the eye, raising her chin to plant a soft kiss on her salty lips. “To hear him tell it, she started seeing other guys even before the twins were born and already has another guy lined up to replace him. The poor man was so blinded by his own feelings he couldn’t believe she would betray him that way.”

Charlie sniffled a bit. “I can’t believe I’ve become so involved in all of this. I mean I was trained to be a counselor and I’m supposed to be all detached and everything. Why do I feel like this?’

“Well, it’s because you aren’t a counselor anymore.” Sean shifted them both into a spooning position, hugging her love close to her. “You’re a Caregiver now, and that means you care. You couldn’t do what we do and not care. You spent all night caring for Gunnar’s hurt soul and I spent all night caring for his brother. Do you think we could do that if we didn’t invest our own emotions, our own souls, into the men we care for? It doesn’t mean we love each other any less, just that we have enough room in our hearts to love them too.”

Charlie snuggled back into her warm embrace. “Yeah, I know all that, but damn it’s hard sometimes, you know?”

“I know baby, I know”

Neither of them had a shift scheduled that day, so they spent the first half of the day secluded in their cabin. Just after lunch Charlie emerged and took over the galley. She spent most of the time until dinner immersed in the arcana of cooking, basically being a little blonde terror to the two crewmen who had the misfortune to work with her. They learned a great deal, but not without the occasional outburst. Finally all was ready to her satisfaction and she disappeared to change for dinner with dire warnings not to touch anything.

Dinner was a first class experience with course after course of gourmet dishes transporting captain and crew into culinary realms heretofore undreamed of. It was nearly ruined at the very end as a crewman lunged for a fire extinguisher when the Bananas Foster caught fire, but Sean had the foresight to stand by the extinguisher and intercept him. After the meal, the two men standing bridge watch went back to their stations but were still watching and listening via remote.

As the remaining crew relaxed into after dinner drinks, Sean snuck away and emerged into an area that had been cut off from the main mess area by sheets hung as curtains. Charlie stood up and strolled over, yanking the curtains aside on the prearranged signal to reveal a stage with Charlie’s synthesizer set up and a dramatically posing Sean, dressed in a tight black silk dress, violin and bow hanging in her hands. There was a moment of applause and hooting from the assembled crew.

“Well boys, I figure we’ll start with something appropriate to this particular trip. Now the original version of this song was done by the Charlie Daniels Band, but a group called Primus came along and did it one better, so here goes!” She tucked her violin beneath her chin and began with a flurry of mountain style fiddling from almost a century before as Charlie took her place at the synth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FRtkek-Et4

The Devil went down to Georgia,
he was looking for a soul to steal.
He was in a bind, 'cause he was way behind,
he was willing to make a deal.

By the time the song was finished, the assembled crew were stomping and clapping to the music. The duo segued into a series of early 20th century jazz tunes, alternating them with some current pop and a bit of early 21st century trip hop. At the end of a Portishead number, Charlie stood up behind her keyboard and came out to face the assembled crew.

“Now yawl have heard some good music tonight, and some damn fine fiddle playing, but I want Sean to show you the true extent of her skill and amazing talent. You have before you one of the most amazing violin virtuosi of the past 200 years.” Sean was trying very hard to shrink into the jury rigged curtains and disappear. “She is going to play for you a piece that even the composer said might not be possible to play properly.”

She literally dragged a numbly resisting Sean back to center stage. “Gentlemen, I give you Ravel’s “Tzigane”, also known as “The Gypsy”.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JK7yo-lEm-8

Sean stood for a moment, her violin hanging from her fingers. She was terrified, shocked, unable to move or even swallow for an instant of time that seemed to her to last forever. She finally lifted her instrument and almost aggressively clamped her chin down on the pad. She held her bow over her violin as though she was ready to beat the instrument, so it was a surprise when the first notes she wrung from it were so soft as to be almost inaudible. By the end of the first section, she was crying softly as she played. Most of the assembled crew were trying to hide the fact that they were crying along with her.

The only one not trying to hide his emotion was Lief. He was all but sobbing, holding himself back only because he wanted to hear the music that at that moment was touching his soul so deeply, as the first part came to an end and Charlie began to weave her piano into the melody. Now the tone of the music went from mournful to a sort of melancholy joy, something spacers could well understand and identify with, but with an undertow of sorrow. By the end of the performance, Sean’s fingers and bow arm were causing her almost as much pain as her pent up emotions that she had released into her playing, and she was weeping copiously, not even aware of the fact that the fingers on her left hand were bleeding from her furious and forceful fretwork.

Sean wasn’t alone in her tears, the entire crew, including those listening from the bridge, were wracked with emotion. Not one of them had ever heard anything like that, where the instrument became a living extension of the artist’s soul. Anyone listening could have been forgiven for thinking that it was the instrument weeping, crying out its sorrow to the universe. For all of that, there was no doubt in their minds that they had heard the sorrow of a thousand lifetimes and the hope borne of its endurance, all in just over 9 minutes of music wrung from the tortured soul of someone who knew what every second and nuance of it felt.

Unknown to either Sean or Charlie, one of the bridge crew had broadcast the entire performance, including visuals, over ship’s coms on wideband and had recorded it as well. Sean and Charlie had no idea that they had just given a performance that would be the talk of the music world within a week. All they knew at that moment was that they wanted to hold each other and be comforted in the other’s arms.

But first, there was some serious drinking to be done.

Charlie pulled the bloodstained puddle of black silk down over Sean’s hips, kissing her way down the trail from the bottom of her ribcage to the top of her pubic mound, bringing little moans of delight from her lover’s throat. “You like that, huh?”

“Oooh, yeah!” Sean was too far gone in desire and drink to say much more as the gentle butterfly kisses proceeded even further down. They had decided to spend the night together even though it meant none of the crew would have any relief that night, but some things were more important and their love for each other was one of those things. Things proceeded from there and they fell asleep in each other’s arms, thoroughly sated.

“I feel like I should be spending more time with you.” Sean was pensive, her eyes searching Charlie’s face for signs of jealousy or disapproval as she adjusted her kimono. “I mean we only really get one night to ourselves for the week and I feel I should spend it with you and not off playing around with The Hulk.”

“Don’t call Lief that, can’t you just imagine how awful he would look in green body paint!” Charlie broke into a fit of giggling which soon had Sean giggling right along with her. The two hugged, each careful of the other’s makeup, then indulged in a passionate kiss. “Hey, I love you and I know you love me. We’ve had over 40 years to establish that fact. Just because you are falling in love with Lief and I am falling in love with Gunnar doesn’t change anything between us. They both know that we each have screwed and loved almost every single man aboard this ship and enjoyed the hell out of ourselves doing it.”

“More importantly, they both know our history together and we both know them well enough to know they would never want to get between us. I think we’re doing the right thing tonight, both of us. Now you go tell your mountain of a man how you feel and I’ll do the same with my big strong captain, but I want you to know for sure that you have always been first in my heart and always will be. Like you told me” she lifted Sean’s face so their eyes met and kissed her gently, “just because we have room in our hearts for others does not mean we love each other any less.” Sean realized as they exchanged tender kisses that it was true, and that knowledge gave her the courage she needed to continue.

The two women had made it abundantly clear that their duties as Caregivers continued, no matter what feelings may exist. Each of them continued caring for the other members of the crew. Often that did in fact mean sex, but as time went on it became more evident that it really meant caring, whether that caring took the form of just a quiet dinner and the chance to talk about things they couldn’t share with their crewmates, whatever was needed. They became mothers and lovers and more to the crew. In short, they were doing what Caregivers were supposed to do, giving of themselves to their fellow space travelers.

In the time it took to journey from Earth orbit across the entire orbit of earth and on to the orbit of the particular rock they were heading for, the crew went from being an assortment of individuals to being a family.

By the time they had delivered their cargo and proceeded to Mars orbit, they were in fact more tightly knit than any family the old Earth way of doing things had ever conceived of. There was not a single member of the crew who would not willingly lay down their life for any of the others. 6 of the 14 were deeply in love; even though two of them had problems admitting it to themselves.

Simon had fallen fast and hard for Vasily Zaitsev, the reserved and stoic Georgian who did his best to keep to himself . They had shared a hard night of drinking and Simon had shared his secret with Vasily. They wound up sleeping together. There wasn’t any sex that night, but as things progressed between the two, they became nearly inseparable and it was almost inevitable that one night, things would proceed to the next level between them.

Sean had been the catalyst for that, teaching Simon what he needed to know on the hygiene front, how to be clean and so on. Of course things weren’t that easy and Simon came crying to Lief’s cabin, knowing Sean would be there. He hadn’t known how to say what he felt and Vasily had been equally scared. Sean wound up helping the two have their first sex, physically guiding them into place as she murmured reassurance into both their ears.

The emotional aftermath was more than the physical. Simon collapsed in tears at the end of the sexual act. Vasily tried to soothe him and Sean wound up drawing out how he felt.
“Vasily, as much as I wanted it, I just don’t feel like I can give you what I want to give you!” Simon buried his face into his pillow, sobs wracking his slender frame. “I want to be a real woman for you, to give you children like a real woman can!”

Vasily drew Simon into a tight hug. “Look, I don’t care what you look like, I don’t care if you can give me children or anything like that. I know that I have wanted you for a long time and I have never seen you as anything other than a woman. I want you to be my woman and I don’t give a nyekulturney goddamn what anyone else thinks.!” He relaxed his hug enough to free an arm and force Simon to look at him. “I love you, dammit, and whoever or whatever you are it doesn’t matter to me. I will love you no matter what!”

Sean slipped away as they held each other and relaxed into what was, at that point, almost inevitable. The only reservation in her mind was what would happen if they wound up on different ships when Simon had her appointment with the Caregivers.

The Heyerdahl bounced around the belt for almost a full year, carrying various cargoes from place to place and the crew became a great deal more relaxed and friendly, with no small thanks to Sean and Charlie’s efforts along those lines. Finally there came another cargo to Earth that was worth taking.

The captain and his brother had fallen deeply in love, but they both realized that they did not have the money to buy out the contracts of their respective sweethearts, so they longed for a cargo that would give them the option to do what they so deeply desired. When it seemingly dropped in their laps, they jumped at the chance. By this time, the belt refinery had come into operation and the first of the cargoes of semi-refined metals was ready for return to Earth.

So it was that the Heyerdahl was boosting for Earth in May of 2036 with a cargo of 20 million tons of semi refined ore, bound for the refineries in Low Earth Orbit. As soon as the cargo was confirmed, Sean was on the com back to Earth. She had almost 3 months to set things up, but the surprise was definitely worth the wait.

There was a significant delay in communications due to distance, so Sean simply sent off her prepared message to Headquarters and continued her duties at the con. She was not expecting any sort of immediate response, so was surprised when coms relayed a message to her in their cabin shortly after the end of her shift. Surprised turned to shock when the face that took form on her screen was that of Mary Yotori.

The message was short, but very clear. Mama Yotori would be happy to see Simon when they arrived in Earth orbit. She ended her message with best wishes for both of them and even mentioned the insane popularity their performance of Tzigane had gained back on Earth. Apparently there were some rabid fans who wanted to see the performance live and she wanted to know if they would be amenable to scheduling a concert while dirtside. Sean replayed the message for Charlie when she came in a little later. “So do you want to do it?”

Charlie tossed a mischievous grin across the cabin. “Of course I do, and anyway, with Mama Yotori asking, it’s almost like a command performance, isn’t it?”

May 18, 2036

Sean was standing her watch aboard the bridge, shortly after they left the refinery. The cargo of ore was well balanced so there were no concerns on that level. The load was so massive that the engines could only manage 3/4g of boost against the mass. The trajectory they had to follow meant that it would take them almost 3 months to get back to low earth orbit for transshipment. Automated systems were managing the workload and everything was within parameters so when she gasped and went rigid, the bridge crew definitely took notice.

When Gunnar arrived, Sean was still sitting stiffly, not replying to any questions, not even seeming to notice their efforts to get her attention. Gunnar had occupied himself checking all ship’s sensors, ensuring there was nothing wrong with the craft or their course, but before he had time to deal with Sean the growing ponderous thunder that was Leif running on the deck plating came to an abrupt stop. Gunnar did not turn from his examination of the readouts but he knew something was seriously wrong by the way his brother’s ragged breathing hitched for a moment.

“I’m taking her back to her cabin. Make sure Charlie is there too.” With that he lifted her easily and carried her back through the hatch, being very careful not to bang her head on the lip of the opening. Her ankles took a brutal mauling, but neither of them noticed. Sean was too numb to take note of the sharp pain and Leif was just too concerned for her to realize that he had inflicted further pain in his eagerness to help. He dashed through the passageways to crew quarters, arriving at almost the same time as Charlie.

“What’s wrong with her?” Leif just shook his head as she keyed the lock, unshed tears glistening bright in his own eyes. He almost shoved her out of the way in his haste to get her to the bunk, laying her out with infinite care.

“I think she just got a huge shock and you aren’t far behind, so let me get you both a drink before I tell you, Ok?” Charlie fussed around with a marginally responsive Sean for a moment while Leif poured them all three large glasses of straight vodka. He brushed Charlie aside and held the glass to Sean’s lips, tipping a sip into her mouth. He held her as she sputtered and coughed, the harsh liquor burning its way down her throat as she gasped and then broke down sobbing, curling into his strong arms. He did the only thing he could at that point, holding her as she gasped her way back to awareness of the world outside of her own mind.

He turned his attention to Charlie as Sean grabbed hold of the glass and this time took a very large slug of the potent drink, gasping as she swallowed but relaxing a little in his arms as she did. Charlie regarded her glass for a moment and took a large slug of her own before setting the glass down and shoving Leif aside to cradle her love in her arms. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Sean took a moment, tilting back another large slug of the liquor. “Mama Yotori is dead!” she wailed, collapsing back into the pillows Leif had arranged for her and sobbing. “Somebody killed her, I just know it!”

What had looked to be an uneventful trip back to Earth became something other. After 3 days in their cabin, the two women emerged, determined to put up a front, if not of happiness, then at least of some semblance of normality. Each of them had been tremendously attached to this woman who was so much more to them both than just an employer. She had helped them to overcome some of their most difficult challenges during training and had been the deciding factor in their initial acceptance at CGI, so in their minds, they owed her everything since the life they had now could not have been possible without her.

Gradually things improved aboard ship, but it would be a real stretch to say that normalcy had returned to the Heyerdahl. Sean took to almost obsessive violin playing. She was rarely to be found without her instrument, even playing on duty when she had bridge watch. When that happened, it was usually Vasily at coms and he made a habit of broadcasting while she played. There were some spots of brightness in the music, usually when she was in a manic mood, but overwhelmingly it was dirges, requiems and other music which served to express her grief.

It wasn’t just that she was grieving for Mary Yotori, to say that would have been woefully inadequate. She was grieving for the loss of her newfound innocence. She knew what she was going to do when the opportunity presented itself, and that thirst for revenge brought her back into a space she thought she had left behind for good. This came out in her playing, and as the calluses grew on her fingers, so did they grow on her heart.

Pan Am 1088 Black Boxes Found on Wake Island!

Pan Am technicians, operating in concert with a FASA disaster team, uncovered the two flight data recorders from Pan Am Flight 1088 which crashed in May. Preliminary data indicates that the craft suffered a catastrophic loss of the fuel pump in its starboard engine, primary and auxiliary hydraulics and the Master Avionics Computer at more or less the same time.

Officials from Pan Am and the manufacturer of the aircraft had no further comment, simply saying that they were investigating how such an unlikely series of failures could occur.

Southern Comfort
Chapter 13
By Theide
 

---

 

Chapter 13

What none of them realized was that the Heyerdahl had become known as the funeral ship. In Mary Yotori’s native Japan, it was rare to find a music venue that was not playing some sort of tribute to their most prominent citizen for the entire official month of mourning after her ornate and incredibly well attended state funeral. Video showed literally millions of mourners lining the streets of Osaka as her casket was borne away to her final rest.

Many performances were given to honor her, but featured most prominently around the solar system were simply some recordings of violin solos from a ship known only as “The Funeral Ship”. No ID had ever been broadcast with the impromptu performances on the bridge, so all the world knew was the beautiful yet incredibly sad music that was floating in the ether to be intercepted by a lucky few at irregular intervals. Luckily, that music had been recorded and shared, at first by a few. Given the way of things, those few shared with others and the music soon grew to enormous popularity in Japan.

As the official month of mourning proceeded, the haunting melodies wrought from that single unaccompanied violin began to become the unofficial music for the solemn occasion.

Sean knew none of this, nor did the crew of the Heyerdahl. On some very real level, even though she was totally alert and functional, Sean had become emotionally buried in a very deep depression. It was something she held so privately within herself that not even Charlie was able to tell for sure. She had her suspicions, because she remembered that Sean had radiated that sort of feverish intensity that she was displaying now before, and she remembered all too clearly the horrible events that had surrounded those times.

The only thing that anyone else could detect was a feeling of desperation in her lovemaking, and with Leif, an almost animalistic hunger. It was enough to jar the dynamic that had evolved aboard ship, just a little. Just enough.

Sean stiffened as she read the headline:

Pan Am 1088 Black Boxes Found on Wake Island!

Pan Am technicians, operating in concert with a FASA disaster team, uncovered the two flight data recorders from Pan Am Flight 1088 which crashed in May. Preliminary data indicates that the craft suffered a catastrophic loss of the fuel pump in its starboard engine, primary and auxiliary hydraulics and the Master Avionics Computer at more or less the same time.

Officials from Pan Am and the manufacturer of the aircraft had no further comment, simply saying that they were investigating how such an unlikely series of failures could occur.

Her thoughts raced. This was the next best thing to confirmation that she could get! She had been right all along, someone had killed Mama Yotori. The frustrating thing for her at that point was that she had no concept who would want to do such a thing. There was no question in her mind of corporate rivalry, she had seen the head of the only real competition, XX flight at the funeral and she was clearly unable to contain her emotions. No matter how good an actor may be, there are still minute flashes of expression which give away the true feelings of the person if you know how to read them, and there was not even the faintest doubt in her mind that Janet Majors had been genuinely grieving the loss of Mary Yotori. Therefore she dismissed what would have been any investigators top choice of culprit out of hand.

It had to be someone else, someone who wanted to eliminate both of them from the scene if possible. The question before her was one that gave her strange dreams and not a few nightmares in the ensuing week as the crew prepared for the long burn to enter Earth orbit. She spent a great deal of her off duty time searching for answers, a task that was made much easier by the fact that there was only a small time delay built into her transmission times. The Heyerdahl was close enough to Earth that the delay only amounted to just over a second, not too bad if you had grown up in the days of slow, low bandwidth connections as she had.

Her searches yielded some tantalizing clues, but nothing that could be called a real lead. When the task of delivering the cargo to the orbital refinery was finished, there were two weeks worth of lag time before the next load would be ready. Crew rotations were worked out so that anyone who wanted shore leave got a week of free time. Sean and Charlie decided that they would put themselves on the second rotation, given that those crewmembers who found themselves stuck aboard ship for the first week would be just a little stressed by sitting aboard ship while knowing that their friends and crewmates were out having a good time. That actually worked out pretty well, because they both found themselves frustrated at having to remain aboard, whatever the reason, when all they had to do was go to the bridge and look out of the windows to see Earth floating like some glorious blue pearl below.

Charlie was more than a little frustrated by this because Gunnar was on the first rotation. He wanted to be back on ship for the second week to oversee final preparations for the journey and make certain everything was shipshape. She expressed her frustration in a variety of ways that were well received by the crew aboard ship, but the only one they would talk about among each other was her cooking. Some of it was haute cuisine but mostly it was down home cooking made possible by the deliveries of food that could only come from earth and were only worth eating when fresh.

Most of the crew were considerably less frustrated than Charlie was, seeing their week of time before liberty as just a continuation of the routine that shipboard life naturally fell into after a while. Her frustration turned into anger when Gunnar arrived back aboard ship a day early, almost visibly sad. He had spent the week trying to see his sons, even appealing through the courts, but to no avail.

That night, Leif slept alone. He didn’t mind, he knew where Sean was and he approved. He was deep asleep when he felt her wriggle into his bunk and simply wrapped his arm around her and went back to sleep. Sean, for her part, spent some while awake, pondering what all of this meant. She had left Gunnar’s cabin to give Charlie and he some time alone, sensing this was what both of them needed. She was a little torn in terms of what this meant.

The two had shared many late night pillow sessions talking about their own feelings and just what it meant for their relationship that they were both falling in love with someone else even though they did not love each other any less. They had decided together that they still loved each other most, no matter what, and that they would just have to deal with whatever came. That didn’t give much comfort, as they both felt torn to some degree. What neither of them knew was that Gunnar and his brother had talked about the same thing from the other side of the issue.

Because of the way the watch schedules ran, they had only had the opportunity for all of them to be together a few times, but they knew that pretty much any combination other than the brothers having sex with each other was not just acceptable to them but downright fun. They each knew where their own hearts drew them, but aside from the emotional aspect, sexually they were quite open.

The truth was that as much as they were two couples, they were also a foursome. The love Charlie felt for Leif was just as intense as her love for Sean and Gunnar, and the same was true for Sean in reverse. There was no real way for any of them to separate out the emotions they felt and it wasn’t necessary because the last thing any of them were worried about was jealousy. The concerns they had were simpler and yet simultaneously more complex than that. Perhaps the greatest problem was that none of them had really thought it out to that degree so there were worries in their minds.

Sean was worried about how Charlie felt when she slept with Gunnar. Gunnar was worried about the same thing. The same dynamic replayed itself throughout the confusion that was their relationship. The thing none of them quite realized was that there was no need for any of them to claim territory apart from the others. There was tension in the relationship, but it was the tension of people trying their best to make sure they were not hurting the other three by their actions, not the tension of jealousy.

Gunnar’s failed relationship with his ex wife was one of those points of tension. Gunnar unjustly blamed himself for the problems between them and felt very guilty about not having seen his sons for such a long time even though he knew full well it was not his fault. Unknown to him was the fact that the other three had been working on his behalf to at least win him visitation rights with his children, though their true aim was to win custody of the boys for him. Gunnar was unaware of their actions and would remain so until some sort of conclusion was reached in the courts. They had found a judge that was sympathetic to spacers and was prepared to allow the children to be released to the custody of their father due to the lack of responsibility their mother had evinced. That point of conflict was on the verge of being resolved, but there was still a shadow hanging over the four, something that only one of them could resolve, something that only one of them even knew in an explicit manner, even though Charlie knew deep within her soul what had come over Sean and what the eventual result would be.

Charlie had seen it twice before, the revenge-lust. No one in her current life knew what Sean was capable of, but Charlie knew, and she was afraid. The days of bone chilling fear that her love would be caught or not come back to her were foremost in her mind as she talked to Gunnar that night. “You know she will take revenge?”

Gunnar shifted his bulk, holding her even tighter in his arms. “What made you think I didn’t know? I mean, we’ve never talked about it, but I do know what she did to those bastards. I would have done the same in her position and I have nothing but praise for how she handled it. I personally would have been considerably more brutal, but then, I would most likely have been caught. She did what she needed to do and I’m proud of her for it.”

Charlie snuggled back into his warm embrace, considering what she wanted to say for a moment while enjoying the bulk of him wrapped around her. “So will you help me help her this time? The times before, she did what she did on her own. I couldn’t have helped her, hell I was still busy rejecting the idea of her being a female. I was so selfish then, about that. I didn’t even understand what she was going through, not really.” She twisted around to face him in their embrace. “I didn’t realize that those monsters had taken her entire sexuality away, that part of it that I hadn’t killed by denying her the ability to even pretend to be herself. Hell, I used to bitch when she’d dress up in women’s clothes, so bad she stopped doing it. She was left with nothing but emotions and even those were so twisted by her need for vengeance that there was only a little room left for anything else. I loved her as best I could, but I know it wasn’t enough, hell I was still so busy rejecting the idea of her being a woman that I couldn’t see what was really eating her up. I really hate myself for being so cruel to her for so many years, but I had no idea what I was doing to her.” She wiped tears from her eyes and softly murmured into Gunnar’s chest “I hope she can forgive me someday for that.”

Gunnar had no idea what to say to that, so he pretended to be asleep.

“Hiya little sis!” Sean’s sister welcomed her onto the spacious front verandah of their Florida home. The two hugged tightly for a moment before she turned her attention to the four who had accompanied her little sister. “I’m guessing you’re Leif? My little sister always did have a weakness for the Hulk types, you know. Charlie, I’m so glad to see you again, and this quiet pair here must be Simon and Vasily. Don’t just stand there in the sun like fools, come on in and have a drink in the shade!” She led the way into the cool shadowed recesses of the immaculate home, the others trailing in her wake. “I’m sure you lot want to have a nice swim and you know we are completely private here, so yawl just strip off and hit the pool whenever you feel like it, no suits required. I’ll give you time to get dressed if the kids show up.”

The five needed no encouragement and were soon noisily splashing and playing in the water. They climbed out and dragged themselves onto lounge chairs at the enticement of drinks and snacks. Sean could tell her sister was trying her best to be open minded about their casual attitude towards nudity and failing somewhere along the way. She had also noticed her sister’s stealthy glances toward Leif when she thought no one was looking.

“So sis, you think he measures up?” Sean had cornered her sister on the other side of the pool from where the rest were basking in the sun.

“Measures up? Are you kidding? He’s bigger than that dwarf guy in high school! You know I still have trouble believing you had him before I did.” They laughed together quietly for a moment before the conversation turned to more serious matters. “So how are things for you really? You’ve told me all about Leif and Gunnar, but how is that affecting you and Charlie?”

Sean sat heavily on one of the lounges. “Sis, I think its okay, I really do. We still love each other just as much, but there is more than that. I love Leif and Gunnar both and I’m sure Charlie feels the same way. I think they are going to propose to us soon and if they do, I’m going to insist on holding the ceremony with you as our maid of honor. Will you do it? It would mean so much to me.” She began to cry softly.

Sarah held her little sister, uncertain how to respond. “Of course I will, you know that already. All you have to do is tell me when and where, and I’ll be there. I know you though, and I’m sure those tears aren’t for that. What’s bothering you, little sis? You know you can tell me.”

Sean twisted out of the embrace, standing abruptly. “No sis, I can’t tell you!” She angrily dashed tears from her eyes. “It wouldn’t be fair to you.” She ran a few steps and dove into the water cleanly, coming to the surface to gulp air and swim further away under the water. Sarah looked after her, confused and worried.

“Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead.” Her father’s voice echoed down the long years and she silently thanked him for that stupid little piece of wisdom while she cursed herself. It was true that she hated him and the things he had put both her and her sister through but it was equally true that she felt grateful to him, grateful that he had taught her the things she needed to know in on order to exact vengeance upon those who had wronged both her and her sister so horribly.

Southern Comfort
Chapter 13
By Theide
 

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Chapter 14

The pool water washed the tears from her eyes as Sean dove under the water. She wished so much that she could tell her sister what she was going to do, what she had done in the past when she was still Sarah’s brother, but it just wasn’t fair to put that burden on her. She hadn’t even shared the truth with Charlie after these many years. Beneath all of that altruism there was a deep and very real fear of betrayal instilled in her much earlier in her life. As she rose to the surface and gulped air, she was glad the water hid the fact that tears were streaming from her eyes. The peace of submersion brought her back to her own thoughts and helped her to think.

“Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead.” Her father’s voice echoed down the long years and she silently thanked him for that stupid little piece of wisdom while she cursed herself. It was true that she hated him and the things he had put both her and her sister through but it was equally true that she felt grateful to him, grateful that he had taught her the things she needed to know in on order to exact vengeance upon those who had wronged both her and her sister so horribly.

The first time, she remembered, was when she had discovered that the man who had raped her sister and her own best friend(his own daughter!) in childhood lived in the same town that they had moved to only a year or so before. She had made herself wait almost a full year, plotting vengeance, trying to come up with something suitably awful to inflict upon him. She wanted to castrate him, cut his dick off and make him plead for his life as he bled out, but when the time came and her plans came to fruition, thee had been time for nothing but a quick thrust of her knife up into his ribcage, piercing his heart. She cut his throat for good measure, one quick slice while he gasped out his last breath before she managed to shove his already lifeless body off of the remnants of the wrecked bridge into the water for the tide to carry out to sea. One less raping bastard to pollute the world.

There had only been two occasions when she had killed for vengeance since then, so she couldn’t exactly call herself a crusader or anything. If anything, she felt almost as dirty as the men who had done the things for which she had administered the ultimate punishment. True, she had killed, and she knew that she was supposed to feel remorse for that, but she didn’t. Instead, there was a sort of joy and that perhaps more than anything else tore her up inside.

They say vengeance makes the heart grow cold, but it hadn’t done so for her and that made her wonder if she was any better than the stone killer her father had been. The truth was she still gloried in her kills. The feeling of almost sexual excitement as her sister’s rapist voided the contents of his arteries on her when he died had not diminished. The bright coppery taste of his blood in her mouth as she licked it from her hands before diving into the murky brackish water to clean herself still stuck in her memories as one of the most glorious moments in her young life and it made her wonder if there was something truly wrong with her. Was she a murderer like her father? She couldn’t honestly say she felt any remorse for her actions, quite the opposite in fact.

These thoughts occupied her mind as she swam beneath the surface of the water. The concrete of the far edge confronted her and with a smooth movement, she flipped and headed back for the other side of the pool, still underwater. She was barely aware of her body as she swam back and forth across the pool, never surfacing for breath. It didn’t seem to matter to her that she needed to breathe until she felt strong arms lift her out of the welcoming embrace of the meditative state into which she had placed herself.

“Please baby breathe! Please you gotta breathe!” Her pulse thundered slowly in her own ears as waves of sound seemed to crash in upon her peaceful state and she slowly became aware of something other than her own memories and worries. It was Charlie, pleading with her, but it didn’t seem to make sense.

“Little sis, if you don’t breathe I’m going to have Leif jump up and down on your chest!” Something about that penetrated and she gasped in a long slow breath. Another followed and she felt herself begin to return to the world she had wanted so desperately to leave behind for the kind of peace that she had felt beneath the surface. There was a circle of concerned faces around her as she looked up into the gathering darkness of a cerulean sky.

“I’m okay; just leave me alone for a minute. Please just leave me alone!” She could feel the heat of the tears trickling down her face as she lay there, blurring the faces of the people she loved. “Please just go away; you can’t love someone like me. I’m a horrible person! I’m a monster and I don’t deserve love!” The heat of her tears seemed to burn her cheeks as she felt herself gathered up into strong and caring arms carrying her she knew not where. It didn’t really matter at that moment where she was being borne, but she knew it was somewhere better than she deserved.

She lay there well into the evening, almost unaware of the fact that gentle hands were wiping the unending tears from her face and gentle arms were holding her tightly as she sobbed out her grief. She was grieving for the loss of her own innocence and didn’t even know it, but the trio surrounding her did. They took turns stroking her and holding her and wiping her tears until finally she subsided into a fretful sleep.

After Leif had carried Sean to a bed and gently covered her up while Charlie kissed her goodnight, the three of them convened in the living room. Simon and Vasily were chatting in the kitchen with Eric who was trying to enjoy a moment after work with his dinner. Finding himself unable to concentrate on the meal, Eric finally decided to get to the point. “Do either of you have any idea what is going on? I get home from doing my show and I’m confronted with some kind of major drama and I have no concept what it’s about!”

Simon paused for a moment before replying. “Err, I have an idea, but the person you really need to be asking about this isn’t in any condition to answer your questions and your wife won’t tell us anything, so I think I should probably kind of follow her lead if you know what I mean.” He leaned forward and gestured earnestly at Eric with his drink, just barely managing to remain in his chair as he did. “You just gotta deal, man. There’s a lot of history going on there and I think some of it just came home to Aack!” A none too steady Vasily tried to catch him as his precarious hold on the chair failed and they both tumbled to the floor.

Eric’s curiosity was put on hold for a moment as he helped the two navigate to their room. “Talk about the blind leading the blind drunk!” He was still muttering to himself as he made his way into the living room. “Alright, what happened?”

Sarah had to think for a moment before she replied. “Well, Sean had a little emotional crisis and went into one of her meditative trances, only this time we couldn’t just wait for her to come out of it on her own because she was in the pool and wouldn’t come up for air. She just kept swimming back and forth from one end to the other for almost 5 minutes. Leif dragged her out of the water and she still wouldn’t breathe, but after she had a good cry she went off to sleep.” She paused to consider what exactly to say to her husband for a moment. “I’m pretty sure it was a guilt attack over what she did to those men a few years ago, but there’s something more she won’t tell me and these two aren’t exactly much help. The only thing I know for sure is that whatever it is; she hasn’t even shared it with Charlie.”

All Eric could really do was nod sagely while the thoughts raced through his mind. He knew a few things about his sister in law that he hadn’t even shared with his wife and was certain this had something to do with that. He was equally certain that Sean’s emotional crisis meant very bad things for someone and he knew he had to keep that to himself as well. It wasn’t like he could tell his wife that he knew her little sister had killed more than once and was highly likely to do so again. He was fairly certain she knew, but they had never talked about it and right now just didn’t seem like a good time to do that.

“Well, alright then, as long as it’s handled. I think I’ll have a shower and go to bed.” He kissed his wife before making his way out of the room.

The next day, Sean seemed to be recovered and they spent the day at Bok Tower Gardens, having a nice picnic in the botanical gardens and listening to recitals from the 60 bell carillon. They admired the massively built stone tower with its intricate tile mosaics and wanted to go through the massive brass door to find out what the inside looked like, but the century old tower had been closed to visitors since it’s completion. As a result they just wandered around the gardens for a while until the summer heat got to be too much before making the short trek back to the house.

Sean seemed to spend most of this time in her own little world, responding to the beauty of the place but not really interacting with the others. By the time they reached the house and stowed their bicycles in the garage Charlie was finding it just a little difficult to keep a lid on her frustration and left the others to their own devices while she made a beeline for the pool, stripping off sweat sodden clothing as she went. Tepid though the water was, it was still a shock when she dove from almost 100 degree heat into 80 degree water, so she wasn’t paying attention to the fact that there was another splash just after her own entry.

She gave little start as arms encircled her from behind and a familiar warm contralto murmered into her ear. “I’m sorry I was out of it today. Forgive me?” She squirmed as Sean nibbled on her ear and squealed as she felt fingers caressing her nether regions.

“Quit that, we’re at your sister’s house! Now let’s just enjoy cooling off for a minute and we’ll go figure out what’s for dinner.” She reluctantly disengaged from the amorous embrace and turned to face Sean. “Hey, what say we find the best restaurant around and treat her and Eric to it? That only seems fair.”

“Whatever you say, baby. We have to bring Simon and Vasily along too, though. You know tomorrow is Simon’s interview and I think we should celebrate both tonight and tomorrow night. Poor Vasily is going to be very lonely for a while and I think we should do our best to make it as easy as possible for him. You know, those two remind me a lot of you and I way back when.” She reached under the water and tweaked a nipple, bringing a stifled gasp from Charlie. “I just hope they can be happy after she changes. They’ve had a while to get used to each other as they are now and I hope Vasily can handle the new her and her new job. When you think about it, we had lots of advantages most new caregivers don’t. I feel kind of parental toward her, and even a little toward him. I wonder if it’s like that with a real child?”

Sarah spoke up from just behind them. “Well, I guess so, but its been a long time since I had a child getting ready to have a sexual awakening or a first experience. I can tell you that you always want to make sure your kids are happy, as much as you can anyway. I mean, you guys are way more involved in the whole thing than I was when my kids went through that, but trust me, you never stop worrying about their happiness.” She paused for a moment, mustering up her courage to say what she was thinking. “Little sis, are you thinking about having kids?”

She knew from the bright shade of scarlet both of them turned that she had guessed right. “You are, aren’t you?”

It took Sean a moment to recover from her embarrassment and reply. “Well, I guess so, yeah. It wouldn’t be for a while yet, we have to figure out how we’d deal with kids on board the ship and we haven’t talked to Leif or Gunnar about it at all, but you know we’ve always kinda raised other people’s kids. It’s nice to think that one day we might have some rug rats of our own. It’s just that the idea of raising them in space is kinda cool and really scary at the same time, you know?”

“Trust me sis, it’s no less scary when there’s a whole planet for them to get in trouble on.” She pulled them both into a hug and kissed them. “You just have to promise me that you’ll let them spend some time with me dirtside when they’re old enough, ok?”

“Sis, if and when it happens, you got a promise. Of course you realize that any kids from either of us are going to be pure hell for the parents, right?”

“Oh shit, a little you! What have I let myself in for?” Sarah fell back into the water with her forehead over her brow in a melodramatic pose. Just as she rose from beneath the water, Leif landed just beside them in a classic cannonball, creating a huge wave which swamped the group, followed by Simon on the other side. By the time they were all exhausted from their play and ready to exit the pool, Eric was calling from the end of the lanai.

“Ok, how do you batch of miscreants want your steaks done?”

The five spacers responded with glee and a variety of orders, only to be met with laughter from Sarah. “Please, you lot think I’d turn him loose with a grill? Come on, get out and go get showered, we’re going to the best restaurant in Florida!” Eric tried terribly hard to act as though he was offended but it just didn’t go over all that well and they all trooped off to get ready for a memorable outing.

“I know what you’re thinking of doing!” She hissed the words into Sean’s ear. “I just want you to know that every single one of us backs you. Just make sure you hit the right target!” Sean broke their embrace and looked into Anne’s eyes, searching for something, some sense of the other woman that would tell her how to respond. In the end, there was only one thing she could say.

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Chapter 15

Dinner the night before had been a happy and raucous occasion, but now Simon was more than just a little nervous. For him, this was the big day, the day that would decide how the rest of his life would proceed and indeed who he would be. Would the company accept him as a candidate or would they reject him and leave him to his own devices? Vasily’s arm around him was a steadying influence as they walked through the door into the lobby of the Care Givers facility in Orlando.

“Hi Anne!” Sean called out to the woman behind the desk. She looked up and instantly recognized who was greeting her, projecting herself out of her seat and hugging the tall auburn haired woman before gathering her diminutive blonde companion into their embrace.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite gunslinger! How are you and Charlie getting along? Having fun on your little vacation?” She disengaged from the hug and held them both at arms length. A little frown crossed her face as she examined them. Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. “Still not dealing too well, huh? You and me are gonna have a little talk in a while, but first introduce me to your companions.”

“Anne, let me introduce you to Simon and Vasily. I’m sure you’ve seen the paperwork for Simon already and I think it might be best to just get things underway as quickly as possible.” Anne shook Vasily’s hand, then shook Simon’s hand but did not let go.

“Vasily, we’ll be back in a few hours. Simon here has some testing to do and you can’t be on hand for it, so you lot go enjoy yourselves until 5 o’clock or so, ok?” With that she led Simon off to a door and handed him over to begin his testing. Simon glanced back and caught Vasily’s eye as the door closed behind him, his face torn between anticipation and fear.

The foursome spent the day at Busch Gardens, enjoying the rides and other attractions. They had all gotten magnificently stoned beforehand, but that didn’t stop Lief from getting violently motion sick on the third ride, so Sean and Vasily spent the rest of the day on one ride or another while Charlie and Lief sampled the other attractions, including the beer(once their stomachs had settled down).

Sean and Vasily disappeared into well-hidden smoker’s areas more than once and generally came out giggling madly before heading off to the next adventure. It was the best distraction they could dream up for Vasily and mostly, it worked. That wasn’t to say that he didn’t spend the entire day thinking of Simon and what was going on with him, but it did help to dull the anxiety that was gnawing at his gut.

At one point, while they were smoking yet another joint, Vasily got very serious and turned to Sean with concern. “Sean, what if they don’t accept her? I have no problem with her as she is or if she becomes a whole woman or if she does it the other way, I just love her and want her to be happy. I’m just worried sick over the whole thing. I mean, if they don’t accept her, it’ll break her heart. How do I deal with that?” He looked to be on the verge of tears.

Sean gathered him into a hug and patted his back as she thought. “Vasily, you are a wonderful man and Simon is lucky to have you. You just go on loving her the way you do and it’ll be ok. I know you’re worried but you have to be her rock right now. She needs you and I know you need her.” She pushed him back and held him at arms length, looking into his eyes. “She’s a very strong candidate, much more so than I was. I can’t see them not taking her. So relax and have fun today so you can be happy for her tonight, huh?” She relit the joint and inhaled deeply before passing it to him.

He took a hit, considering her words. “Yeah, ok. I’ll try.” A few moments later they were on the bumpercars with Charlie and Leif, who looked like he’d had to wedge himself into the vehicle. A few minutes of gleefully ramming each other seemed to improve Vasily’s mood considerably. The remainder of the day was spent in enthusiastic and noisy enjoyment of the rides.

They arrived back at CGI just a bit after 5 o’clock to find that Simon wasn’t quite ready. Sean went off into a corner to talk with Anne while the other three spent some time communing with the couches. Anne got Sean into a private area and instantly dropped all pretense of being joyful or even happy.

“I know what you’re thinking of doing!” She hissed the words into Sean’s ear. “I just want you to know that every single one of us backs you. Just make sure you hit the right target!” Sean broke their embrace and looked into Anne’s eyes, searching for something, some sense of the other woman that would tell her how to respond. In the end, there was only one thing she could say.

“I will. I don’t know who it is yet, but when I do, they will no longer draw breath. I swear this on my life. Those bastards killed Yotori-sama, that’s true, but they killed an entire family of five in the bargain. Mama Yotori was taking them to get their daughter’s cleft palate fixed. I would not take vengeance solely on her behalf, but the death of that family pushes it over the edge.” She looked into the other woman’s eyes. “Anne, I can’t tell you what I’m going to do or when I’ll do it, but you will have to accept that Yotori-sama will be avenged. I know the company has fixers and I want you to get word to the director to call them off. I’ll take care of this by myself. This is my mission for now, and I want to do this by myself! Do you understand? This my kill!”

Anne just looked at her, stunned by the ferocity of the other woman’s words. She was at a loss for any kind of response. She was unnerved by the sheer fury in the other woman’s face. “Look, I don’t know exactly what to say to that. I’d try telling you to back away and give it a little time, but I know enough of your history to know that advice would be counterproductive. The only thing I can really say right now is please give it just a little time, time for Simon to adjust and be the woman she should have been from the start. I doubt we’ll know who did this for a while yet.”

Sean surprised her by drawing her into an intense embrace.

“Um, can you please put me down? I can’t breathe!” As if to prove her point, the shorter woman took a deep gasping breath as her face was removed from the cleavage of the taller auburn haired woman. Her reprieve didn’t last long.

This time, it was a more energetic version of suffocation as the taller woman hugged her tightly again and bounced up and down in excitement. “You mean Simon’s been approved! Oh, I just couldn’t ask for better news right now! Um,” her expression suddenly sobered as she held the other woman at arm’s length and looked down into her face. “Will you let me tell Vasily so he can tell her instead of hearing it from some tech?”

“Well, I’m afraid it’s a little late for that, we began the protocols almost 2 hours ago.” She took advantage of the moments respite from bruising hugs to finish delivering her news. “We felt that since she had been waiting so long, the usual week waiting period wasn’t justified, and besides, she has a boyfriend to lose her brand new virginity to before he leaves on his next cruise. Given the circumstances, we thought going ahead with the treatment was more than justified and she almost begged us for it anyway.”

She looked up again at the woman who held her by both her forearms. “Could you please let me go? You’re starting to bruise my arms.”

The taller woman blushed and relaxed her grip, letting her arms fall to her sides. “So it’ll be about 24 hours before Vasily gets to see her, right? Oh, jeeze,” Her brow furrowed in thought. “Um, will they be able to, you know, screw?”

“Yeah, they should have no problem that way. You will remember from your own transformation though, that she will not have developed breasts or much in the way of curves yet, right?”

“I‘m pretty sure neither of them will care. Vasily has loved her in her current body, I can’t see that changing in her new one. Hell, he loves her enough to accept that he will share her with other men as a caregiver, I can’t imagine that something that insignificant would make the slightest bit of difference between them.” A sudden thought caused her brows to furrow and she regarded Anne with a quizzical expression. “She never would tell me what her name was going to be. Can you tell me?”

“I wish I could,” she returned the serious regard “but she asked us not to. It’s to be a surprise for Vasily. Don’t worry, you’ll learn it when he does and I guarantee you will need a box or two of tissues just for the two of them. It is incredibly romantic and sweet and just about as loving as it is possible to get.” She straightened her outfit with a determined yank. “Besides, I couldn’t tell you if I wanted to, cause I don’t bloody know!”

_____________________________________________________________________

When she gave Vasily the news, he took it in typical stoic Russian fashion, with lots of vodka. Not surprisingly, he complained when he was presented with Trout Caviar a bit later in the evening, but when told what true Beluga would cost, he simmered down and enjoyed what he was given.

By the time early evening rolled around, he was quite happily drunk and beaming at his hosts. “Do you not realize what this means!” He was practically shouting and dancing around the pool. “It means my love will finally be happy! It means” at this point he suddenly realized what he was about to say and the redness of his face pretty much told the story. He forged ahead anyway, knowing whose company he shared. “It means she can make love to me without her thinking she is some kind of freak. I never thought such a thing, and I swore to her I would love her no matter what her body looked like, but she was raised in one of your crazy American religions. She felt guilt every time we made love, because she did not think she was a true woman. It is not something I understand. I have never known anyone who is more of a woman than her. I do know enough to be glad there is a way for her to get out from under that guilt. I don’t even mind that I have to share her with other men, I am just glad to see her happy! You uncivilized khuligans can feed me fake caviar all you want if this is what I get in return!”

His statement was greeted with a lifting of glasses all around as the evening proceeded into another round of serious drinking and smoking. It was much later that evening as they snuggled together on a settee that Sean turned her face to Charlie and asked “Do you think we did the right thing?”

“Well,” Charlie replied “I guess that depends on what you think the right thing is.” Her pretty face was confused with trying to create worry lines where there were none. “I think we didn’t do very much at all. They both made their choices, a lot like we did. If you want to know if I think they’ll be happy, I’d have to say yes. They seem to love each other very much.”

Charlie turned her thoughts to other things as Sean snuggled more tightly into her embrace and drifted off to sleep, her soft snoring causing a slight tickling sensation in Charlie’s breast.

Vasily was plainly nervous, fidgeting in the back seat as they approached the glass and steel edifice that was CareGiver’s Orlando facility. The heat as they stepped out into the sun was an oppressive blast in the face even though it was still early in the day and He found himself adding to his nervous perspiration with genuine sweat as the foursome entered the building and strolled across the lobby to find Anne at her usual post.

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Chapter 15

Simon awoke slowly; her vision slowly focusing on ceiling tiles, the beeping of medical monitors an irritating background. It took a moment to register where she was and why. She could tell there was an IV in both arms and knew she was strapped down for her own safety but the inability to move her arms still brought a little wave of panic. A kind face moved into her field of vision.

“Are you awake, hon? Yep, I can see you are. Now don’t try to talk for a few minutes, I’ll get you unstrapped and get you something to drink, ok?” The face withdrew from her vision and she could feel her arms and legs being freed, then the headstrap came off and she could turn her head to watch as the bed was raised to a semi-sitting position. She still felt much too weak to raise her head and really look down at herself, so she lay patiently and allowed the woman to hold a cup to her lips, swallowing at the orange juice first tentatively, then greedily as she realized she was ravenously hungry.

The rush of sheer sensation at the feel of the fluid going down her throat made her cheeks heat as she recalled the intense pleasure of the first stages of her transformation. As soon as she had finished the cup of liquid she cleared her throat and asked, “How long have I been out?” The sound of her own voice surprised her, a clear although still somewhat ragged soprano.

The woman busied herself removing the IV’s from her arms as she replied. “About 36 hours. Things went very well and after a quick exam, we’ll let you get a shower. I’m told Vasily should be here in about an hour and I’m sure you want to have a chance to doll up a little, but first, you have to eat a little something, so you just lie there for a few more minutes, ok?”

Eating a little something turned out to mean wolfing down 2 full plates of deliciously greasy hash browns, eggs and sausages, barely even noticing as she was poked and prodded. After that, she felt strong enough to stand, although the hunger had not yet lost its edge. The staff had been through this many times by now, so they knew that one of the first things she would want to do was see herself. They were not disappointed. The look on her face as she realized that the woman in the hospital gown was her was a wonder to behold, something they never got tired of seeing.

“Oh my!” She breathed to herself as she touched her face. “I’m beautiful!” Indeed she was, a very slender almost white blonde of medium height, about 5’6”, full lips and strikingly huge deep blue eyes set in a face that could have been a model for Nordic beauty. Her shoulder length hair had grown and now hung straight to the small of her back, even though she could tell it desperately needed a wash. She took another moment to study her reflection in wonder before she turned and said “Ok, somebody mentioned a shower? I can smell myself and I don’t smell at all good. Oh, and would it be possible to get a quick trim after?”

Things moved rather quickly after that and soon she was out of the shower, smelling like strawberries and settling into a chair to get her hair trimmed up and a few other things. The trim was just that, a trim, as she didn’t want to lose any length, but she decided to just get her brows shaped and forego any makeup for now. She wanted Vasily to see her for the first time without any artifice.

Vasily was plainly nervous, fidgeting in the back seat as they approached the glass and steel edifice that was CareGiver’s Orlando facility. The heat as they stepped out into the sun was an oppressive blast in the face even though it was still early in the day and He found himself adding to his nervous perspiration with genuine sweat as the foursome entered the building and strolled across the lobby to find Anne at her usual post.

Sean strolled up to her desk and stood for a moment while Anne finished up a conversation she was having on the phone. They made light conversation for a few moments until it was time for Simon to make an appearance. Vasily was obviously beyond nervous, his hands grasping at each other like some kind of deranged octopus.

The door that Simon had disappeared through almost two days before opened and out strolled a very slender, absolutely flat chested woman, dressed neatly in a pair of airy summer shorts and T-shirt, her long almost white blonde hair falling loosely to frame a stunningly beautiful face and deep blue eyes that looked almost too large for her face. The door swung slowly shut behind her as the group studied her face and she stared straight into Vasily’s eyes, searching for some sign of recognition. Vasily had stopped moving and it took a moment for him to remember to breathe. When he finally did take a breath, it was to say just one word. “Simon?”

She spoke in a clear bell-like soprano. “No Vasily, not Simon anymore. I’ve taken another name now. I am Tania Chernova. I thought it was fitting.”

Whatever response she had hoped for or expected, he managed to surprise everyone by fainting dead away on the spot. Suddenly she was running toward him and the entire group gathered around him, shoving a pillow from one of the couches under his head and fanning him until he began to come around.

“What happened? Why am I on the floor?”

“Well, I think our dear little Tania shocked you enough to where you just fainted on us. I think I know why, but if you feel up to it, lets get you off the floor and you can tell everyone, because frankly I think I’m the only one here other than you two who knows the story.” Sean helped him up and over to a couch where he sat and sipped at the cup of water Anne had supplied. Tania sat beside him, leaning into his arm and studying his face.

He took a moment to regain his composure and began to speak. “Well, first of all I have to say her appearance was a massive shock, in a good way. I never imagined she would turn out so beautiful,” He hugged her to his side “but the name was the kicker. First of all, you may or may not know that I am named for my great grandfather, Vassili Zaitsev.”

With the exception of Sean and Tania, the others exchanged looks of mutual incomprehension. Charlie spoke first. “Well, I never knew your last name but is your great grandfather someone I should have known about?”

“Not unless you are a student of military history, no. Look, this is a story best told over drinks and food, and I can hear Tania’s stomach rumbling, so lets wait on the rest of it for a bit, huh?”

He heaved himself up from the couch and they left a plainly disgruntled Anne in their wake as the made for the exit. Sean took a moment to say goodbye to Anne and tell her to look it up before joining the exodus. None of them saw the look on her face as she found the story online, dabbing at her eyes as she read.

The ride back to Sarah’s house started off with a stop at a burger joint, where Tania got three large meals and demolished them before they were even halfway. Sean and Charlie clearly remembered what they had been like immediately after their own transformations so they weren’t surprised, but Vasily and Sarah were looking at her eat with something akin to awe in their eyes, wondering where she put it all. He managed to steal a fry but desisted in any further efforts along that line as she growled at him, a sound he found irresistibly sexy even while it was somewhat intimidating.

Sean phoned in a truly massive pizza order when they were about 10 minutes from the house and they made a quick stop to pick up more liquor, Vasily’s celebration having consumed most of their stocks. As they pulled in, the pizza delivery arrived and it took a few moments to sort things out and get everyone settled around the pool. Eating occupied another few minutes, by which time Eric had joined the group and they all settled back with their choice of drinks in hand while Tania continued to wolf down pizza.

Vasily took a deep sip of his drink and started again. “Ok, now I’ll explain. Like I said, I’m named after my great grandfather, Vassili Zaitsev. Back in the twentieth century, in World War Two, Russia was a very different place, and Hitler was determined to conquer what was then called the Soviet Union. One of the greatest battles in history was fought at a city called Stalingrad. Historians estimate 2 million people died there. Anyway, my great grandfather was a sniper in that battle. Military historians say he was the greatest sniper in recorded history, with over 400 confirmed kills to his credit.”

“During that time, there was another sniper, a woman who he met when he taught her the craft. She was incredibly brave and had a great hatred for the Germans, something they shared. She was very beautiful and they fell in love in the middle of all that death and destruction. One day, she was severely wounded on a mission to kill the German commander when the woman in front of her stepped on a land mine. He carried her back to a field hospital and left to go on another mission. They never saw each other again. He thought she had died and she thought he never wanted to see her again. He always spoke of her as the great love of his life, and even though he married and had children after the war, he never lost his love for her. Her injuries made her unable to bear children and she died alone.”

By the time he finished Tania was sitting in his lap with her arms around him and tears were running down both their faces. He pulled her back a little to look in her face, brushing the tears from her cheeks. “Tania, I love that you took her name, but I want better than that for us. I don’t care that I have to share you with others, I know you and I know you have more than enough love to go around. Will you marry me, let me make you Mrs. Tania Chernova-Zaitsev?”

She sniffled and burst out in a fresh bout of tears. “Yes.”

They drew into a deep kiss, oblivious to the others, tasting each others tears and happiness. As they broke the kiss reluctantly and sat there staring into each others eyes the expression on both faces was one of undiluted happiness.

---

 
Chapter 15

Tania and Vasily awoke, bonded together in the misery of their mutual hangover “We didn’t do it last night, did we?”

He squeezed her tighter in his arms and just felt miserable. “No. I’m sorry, but I wasn’t up to it and I was scared of you a little bit. You were so determined to kinda rape me and I wanted our first time with you like this to be special. The end result was that I was aroused but couldn’t get it hard. I want you so badly, but I want you to want me the same way and I know the process jacks your sex drive through the roof so I wasn’t sure what to do and I just decided to hold you because I knew for sure that was the one thing the both of us genuinely wanted.”

He held her by the arms and looked earnestly into her face. “I know you had to be a woman for yourself, but I want you to have what is good for you, not what you think somebody else wants. I wanted you to be free to choose what you wanted and not feel burdened by some act you committed while you were sort of out of your mind. More than that, if we do make love at some point, I want it to be because it’s the only thing either of us want to do. I don’t want you if you don’t truly want me and I’m pretty sure you feel the same way. Tania, if you don’t want me, I will do everything I can to be a friend to you, but the truth is that I want to be your lover and your husband and anything else will leave me a useless shell of a human being. I’ve just got to ask you again, will you marry me? I know I’m not much to look at but I will do everything I possibly can to keep you happy.”

She looked into his eyes, reading his soul in his gaze. “Vasily, I am in love with you and I always will be. I have loved you since before you even knew I existed, hell, since before I knew who I was. I took the name I did to prove my love to you. I wanted it to be just the way it was, like a movie, and it was!” She sobered for a moment and kissed him on the tip of his nose, playfully. “I’m really sorry we didn’t have sex last night, you know!” She was nipping at his earlobes and kissing along his jawline. “You know, we could make up for that lack right now, if you want!”

He was squirming under her attentions, feeling himself harden in response to her ministrations. “Baby, are you sure you’re not just horny because of the process? I’d hate to take advantage of you!”

She looked down at him, rubbing her crotch against his leg. “Look,” she said “I don’t know if its an after effect of the process or what, but I have to tell you I want you just as badly as I did the first time and if you don’t give me what I want, I’m going to be awfully frustrated!”

It was only a moment later until he gave in and the couple spent the next 2 hours blissfully lost in each other. They did indeed have sex for the first time and they were both ecstatic to find that she did not have to deal with losing her virginity in the classical sense of breaching the hymen.

“Do you really mean you want to marry me?” Vasily looked up into her eyes as she finished gasping to her latest orgasm. “I’m serious, do you? Do you want to settle down with the only man you have ever known? I know I’m not the best sexual athlete or maybe even the best anything but I do love you. I loved you before you became a woman and I love you as you are now. I’m sure I will love you whoever or whatever you become. I just want to know that you feel the same way about me. I don’t want to be the mercy fuck, you know?”

“Vasily, I thought the name I took would have answered that question for you.” She was grasping his softening member within her, squeezing rhythmically. “I want you, I have wanted you since I saw you and even more since I discovered what a nice guy you are. I love you for the way you treated me back when you discovered who I was and I love you even more now that I can be who you always wanted me to be. You wanted a mother for your children and I wanted to be that mother. The cool thing is that we both get our wish. The last thing you are is a mercy fuck. You are the kind and decent man I’ve always wanted and now I have you. I’m not gonna let you go if I don’t have to.”

He gathered her into his arms and buried his nose in the cascade of hair over her shoulders. “Okay” He inhaled deeply, smelling the mingled sweat and strawberry of her hair. “I want you forever, you know that, right?”

She hummed into his shoulder and lay beside him, her breathing falling into the slow deep patterns of sleep. He gazed on her sleeping face, amazed at her beauty and grateful that she still wanted to love him. Sometime later, he fell asleep and his dreams alternated between joy of being with her and terror that she would be taken from him somehow. He didn’t know it, but her dreams were much the same.

“Well”, Sarah said as she sipped at her coffee “I think that all things considered, that went just about as well as we could have hoped.” She stared into the dark aromatic brew, contemplating the reflection of the ceiling in her cup. “I might be little hard of hearing, but I’m pretty sure the noises I heard this morning weren’t coming from you two.”

Sean blushed and looked at her sister under lowered lashes. “Er, what time would that have been? Would that be before or after we heard you and Eric going at it?” She slurped noisily at her coffee. “Cause if it was before, that was us. The one after that was them and they kept at it for like 2 hours!”

It was Sarah’s turn to look down into her coffee and blush. “Uh, well I really don’t know how long they were at it because listening to them got us all hot and bothered and then we fell asleep, like after, you know?”

The blushing was pretty much making the rounds of the table at that point, as Charlie, Leif and Eric were both practically glowing red. “Uh, well, I gotta admit it pretty much did the same for us, but I woke up when I heard them just talking. I couldn’t hear what they said, but I’m pretty sure whatever it was made them both happy. You know, as long as they are happy, I’m happy for them”

As if on cue, Vasily and Tonia appeared. It was obvious how much they were each attached to the other as soon as they tried to separate at the foot of the stairs. She almost tripped over his foot because they had been unconsciously interlacing their footsteps, an old habit of spacers. To an observer, they looked somewhat like a four-legged creature that had forgotten how to walk. They each caught the other in their arms and the kiss that followed between them was enough to melt the surface of the moon.

That prompted a round of soulful eye-gazing among the others and sighs of contentment as hands were grasped the tableau was only broken by the soprano chirp that came next.

“So what’s for breakfast?”

Sean snapped her phone closed and gestured to Vasily who was watching Tania swim laps in the pool, her newly sinuous body undulating through the water. “Hey, don’t tell Tania right now, but our cargo just got delayed by 2 weeks. Gunnar can officially marry you if we go up to the ship later today, then you two can have a honeymoon. Go anywhere you want, do anything you want. You’ve got 2 weeks to enjoy each other before you have to go back to space and she has another 2 weeks to learn to enjoy being herself before she has to report for training.” She leaned over to whisper in his ear. “You better make her happy, or you’ll have me and Charlie to answer to.”

She stood and deliberately walked away, her body revealing her tension, her internal conflict. She didn’t realize it, but her feelings were the same as those her own sister had felt toward her before her transition and just after, the fierce protectiveness of the older sister for the younger. She practically stalked toward the edge of the pool before she tensed and leapt into a perfectly pointed dive, making barely a splash as she entered the water.

For his part, Vasily was bewildered. He’d just been given something pretty close to the best news he could have had and yet he was almost ready to break out in a cold sweat as his self-doubt overtook him. He couldn’t help but wonder, deep in his heart where his fears dwelt, whether he was truly good enough for her, if he could in fact be the man she wanted him to be. He wasn’t even sure he could be the man he wanted himself to be. Suddenly his most cherished dream was coming true and he wasn’t sure he was good enough to live up to what was expected of him.

He did the only thing he could think of to do, something men have done since time immemorial. He heaved himself up from the lounge chair he had been relaxing in and went directly to Sarah. “Um, I hate to ask, but I need a ride and some local knowledge.”

She looked up at him enquiringly. “Well, I guess it depends on what you need to know on the local knowledge part, but I can surely help you out with the ride. So tell me what you want to go get!” She cocked an eyebrow at him as she slurped at her double chocolate shake.

He leaned closer to her and almost whispered. “I need to get a couple of rings. I don’t want Tania to know. Um, I know it isn’t the right way to do it, but I’m going to ask her to marry me later today on the Heyerdahl. Will you be her bridesmaid if she accepts? I want a proper wedding party for her and that means at least three bridesmaids. You’d make the third. I’ll pay for your trip. Please say yes!” His eyes were filled with his earnest feeling and she couldn’t resist.

“OK, but no god-awful bridesmaid’s dresses and Eric comes along! Now let’s go!” She practically dragged him off the lanai into the house. “Go get dressed, we don’t have much time!”

After a whirlwind tour of local jewelers and some very hard bargaining, he was the proud owner of a flawless 2 carat diamond ring. The stone at the center was held in a setting that made it look as though it had grown out of the gold and platinum, smaller diamonds encrusting the tendrils which held the jewel. It wasn’t the ring he had truly wanted to give her but it was the best he could possibly have afforded and so much more than he ever thought he would be able to give. He thanked Sarah over and over as she herded him along to their next stop.

To his surprise, it was a bridal shop. When it turned out they already had her measurements, he almost fainted. When he asked how, she simply turned to him with a straight face and said,”You know, you have a lot of cheerleaders. It took some judicious hacking, but this is the gown she looked at the longest, so I’m pretty sure it’s the one she wants. If you’re going to spring a surprise like this on her, I think you should make it as perfect as possible. Oh, by the way, these earrings were designed to go with this dress. So is this necklace.”

Much to his credit, Vasily didn’t even ask for the prices. He simply scanned his thumb to verify the transaction and took the time to make sure that the goods would be delivered when and where he wanted them. A whirlwind of shopping later, he found himself kneeling down on the edge of the pool as a blonde goddess hoisted herself out of the water, wiping the moisture out of her eyes and gazing down on him in surprise.

“Tania, I know I asked you if you wanted to marry me. What I want to know is do you want to marry me right now. Everything is all set if you say yes.” He looked up into the sun and into her eyes. “Please say yes.”

She leaned down and kissed him deeply. “Of course I say yes, my love. Now when and where do we do this?”

Sarah leapt into the conversation. “Well, when would be about 4 hours from now and where would be on the Heyerdahl. We catch our shuttle up in about an hour so you two had better get dried off and dressed right now!”

It took a moment longer for the 2 lovers to separate and begin frantically preparing for their flight. They held each other tightly all the way up until they had to let each other go to get through the hatch into the ship, arriving to find all of their fellow crewmembers gathered in the mess hall. The crew was already working their way into a raucous celebration so the lovers found themselves herded into cramped cabins to begin dressing.

An observer would have heard “But why the fuck do I have to have fake tits for this dress? I mean I want to show up with what I have! I know he likes me the way I am!”

“Now chill out, we couldn’t get the dress altered in time enough and without them it won’t fall right! Besides, this is about what they figure you’ll wind up with anyway, so stop bitching! You’ve got to admit, they really help your look!”

Tania looked down at herself and had to grudgingly admit that the prosthetic breasts really did help. “I just don’t want to be fake for him, you know? I mean I might have these for real in a couple of years, but right now I’m as flat as a board. I just don’t want to get his hopes up if I turn out to have like fried eggs for tits. Umm, that, and they are a little heavy, you know?”

Sarah smirked at her. “Um, I’ve been carrying a set of double D’s around for almost fifty fucking years, sister. I know how heavy they are. Those only bring you up to about a C cup, which is about what I had before I had my son. You wanted to be a woman, so stop bitching. And hold still, dammit!”

The shuttle ride up to the ship was fairly routine for everybody but Sarah and Eric, who had never been in space before. Sarah took to it well, but Eric had the misfortune to be horribly space sick as soon as the microgravity portion of the trip commenced. If he could have seen it, he would have truly loved the beauty of the blue planet slowly rotating below them.

Once they had docked at CGC1, the company’s space station, they readied themselves to disembark. As they filed through the hatch they were astonished to find an actual old fashioned honor guard awaiting. The formalities of boarding were redoubled for them and at the end of the line, there was a tall graceful woman holding what looked for all the world like a violin case. She stepped forward and held it out to Sean.

“This was supposed to be yours, with the compliments of the entire company. It was to be given to you after you had completed your mission, as a token of our gratitude. We took a vote and decided that now was a better time, that such a thing should be given in a spirit of renewal and hope, rather than simply one of vengeance fulfilled. With the hopes and prayers of all your sisters we present to you this priceless gift. May you forever cherish it and may the music you give us reflect all that has gone before, as we wish for a future as bright as the sun.” She leaned forward and whispered into Sean’s ear. “Kill the bastards for us!”

Almost dreading what she was to find inside the case, Sean whispered fiercely back. “Damn straight I will!” The two women hugged, an embrace that meant more than any observer would have guessed.

“Now open it!” Sean did as instructed and gasped at the contents before lovingly stroking the highly polished wood and strings.

“I can’t possibly accept this. This is meant to be played by a master, not some lowly tyro like myself. I mean, it’s a Stradavirius!”

“It is a bit more than that, I’m afraid. It is the only remaining complete example of its kind. It is not just a gift from your sisters, it a gift of the people of Japan. The Empress wanted you to have it. Yo yo Ma himself said you were the only artist he thought worthy of it. Oh, and he is here to play with you at the wedding.”

Sean nearly dropped the case. “I, I don’t, I can’t, I mean what?”

“Oh, you’ll find out the rest in just a few minutes. You thought that this was going to go unnoticed? Tania and Vasily are going to be married by the Emperor Himself. He has flown here to perform the ceremony. Don’t tell Tania, we don’t want her getting all nervous.”

“Tania, nervous? You expect me to play with Yo yo? In front of the Emperor?” Sean was practically gibbering. “I can’t do it, I’ll make a fool of myself. I’m not good enough. I’ll humiliate myself and everyone else!” Her voice was rising, going rapidly from embarrassment to anger. “How dare you spring this shit on me! I come here expecting a quiet wedding for my friend and now you’ve turned it into a goddamned state occasion and I’m expected to perform for people! Whose fucking idea was this shit!”

Sarah stepped forward. “It was mine.”

Sean rounded on her and began another tirade but didn’t get very far before being shaken by a resounding slap. “Now look, you and I both know you are damn well good enough, and better. You will do this and you will make me proud, and you will damn sure not ruin Tania’s wedding with your shit! Now take your fucking violin and go get dressed!” She held Sean’s face in her hands and looked into her eyes. “I knew you were something special, even back when you were my little brother. Now you’re my sister, but you’re still my little sister. I’ve gone to a lot of trouble to arrange this, and I’ll kindly thank you not to fuck it up!”