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The Temple

"What's this?"

Hee, my best girl friend, but not my girlfriend, held out a rolled up wad of paper. "It is a scroll, dummy."

"Ah," I said as if that answered the ultimate question to life, the universe, and everything. "A scroll!"

Her already narrow Korean eyes narrowed even further, where they were nearly black slits atop her beautiful Asian face. "It is a welcoming gift from Uncle. We each received one."

I took the spooled paper and looked it over. "Is this some ancient Korean ritual?"

She smacked me on the arm before she headed into the kitchen to unpack the dishes that the movers just got through delivering. "Cho, sometimes I am thinking you are from some alien planet. It is an American tradition. Ever heard of a house warming gift?"

I shrugged. "That's usually more along the lines of a toaster, or bath towels; something practical that we can use with the new house."

You may have noticed that she called me 'Cho'. It was one of the reasons that her uncle allowed me to move in along with the pride and joy of his life. His only living relation, his dead brother's daughter. I'm a crossdresser, well, maybe a little more than that. If I'd had my way, I'd live like a girl all the time, but I didn't really want to complete the transition, the final cut, if you get my meaning. Basically I was lost somewhere in between a guy and a girl, never fully complete in either gender. Confusion has been a part of my life since I was five and was introduced to the wonderful world of 'this is a boy, and this is a girl, you're a boy', by my parents. Uh, no I wasn't.

However, in Korea, where Hee's uncle grew up, boys like me are called Kathoey. You might recognize the pejorative, Ladyboy. Kathoey are accepted in Korea, not pointed at or made fun of like here in Houston.

Anyway, I was accepted by her uncle because he thought that I was homosexual as well. I'm really bisexual, and Hee is a lesbian. She still sees me as a guy though, which sucks all kinds of monkey balls, because she's my best friend, and we have so much in common, and I fell in love with her about gazillion years ago when dinosaurs walked the freeways, and… I'm rambling.

When I was thirteen and dressed up as a girl for Halloween, Hee had me dead to rights. I enjoyed myself way too much, dressed up in her old Korean schoolgirl outfit. She had just moved to the neighborhood, and we became friends at the beginning of that summer. By the end of October, she was dressing me up and touching up my face in her best attempt to make me look like she did when she went to school.

There was no hiding it. I was embarrassed and she said I was stupid. Being Kathoey was nothing to be ashamed of. It was who I was.

Where am I going with all of this? My name is Richard 'call me Rich' Ockerson. Yeah, I know; it sucks. She took Rich and the O from my last name, rearranged it and thus was born Cho-Ri, or Cho, for short. Oddly enough Ri was the family name of her uncle's dead wife. So, Hee and I were almost related in a sense; in her head anyway. I was her sister, Cho. She called me that in private, or in front of her uncle, whether I was dressed in girl clothes or not.

"Well, Uncle said this was our gift. Do not make me come hit you again."

The one thing I've never been able to break her of was her incessant need to never, ever, even upon pain of repeated Brazilian waxing, ever use contractions. Just the thought of it made her shudder. So for her punishment I would make up random nonsensical words and insert them in everyday conversation.

"If you do that, then I'll tell your uncle that you're flurfing again."

It's really hard to keep a straight face when I do this, because she always gives the same look, like she's trying to figure out whether or not I'm screwing with her.

"I do not fluff," she responded.

"Flurf, I said flurf, not fluff. And you sooooo, flurf."

Dipping her hand into the box on the counter, she withdrew a stainless steel ladle. The sucker was about a foot and a half long, and she shook it at me. "You take that back. I do not flurf."

I couldn't take it any longer, and a betraying grin slipped from my lips. Her eyes narrowed again. "We live together now, Cho. Do not think that I will not sneak into your bedroom, late one night, and pour honey on your wee."

I blinked, and my lips parted for a second. The visual I just got was awe inspiring. She had told me this once before, the honey thing. In Korea, this was considered a torture. It was supposed to attract ants, and I think you can get the picture from there on out. Here, in America, it was a sexual fantasy… well, minus the ants.

After blinking again, and shaking my head a little, to get rid of the image of Hee coming in my room, armed only with a little bear-shaped bottle, I waved the scroll at her.

"What are we supposed to do with this?"

Her lips cutely twisted to the side. "We take our gifts to the temple, and give them to the monks."

I raised a single eyebrow. That seemed like a weird gift. Here's a gift, go give it to someone else; do it now! "Is this some…"

"Yes, Cho. Uncle has made arrangements for the monks to give us Yantra tattoos."

At my clueless look, she explained. "They are mystical symbols of protection. Whenever young ones of my family leave home to live on their own, they are in need of protection against evil and hardship."

"They're magical tattoos?"

"Not magical, mystical. There is a difference." She looked at her watch and grimaced. "We have to have this done today, as well."

"What's the rush?" I wasn't necessarily thrilled with the thought of permanently marring my skin at the moment.

"We must allow three days for the entire ritual and we both start work on Monday."

That was… "Three days!" My empty hand jumped to my mouth. "How big is this tattoo supposed to be?"

She shrugged. "As big as you want, I guess." When she saw my panic she smiled at me. "The ritual is three days, not the application of the tattoo, Cho. Quit being such a girl. We must not speak for three days, and there is something else as well." She tried to remember, but shrugged it off. "It does not matter. That is why we must leave within the hour." Hee's wave shooed me off. "Go change into your proper clothes. We depart soon."

Without thinking, I turned and took a few steps toward my bedroom before stopping. "Um, where do they put the tattoos?"

Hee thumped her head. "Sorry, on your back, so glue your breasts on and leave your bra."

I nodded, still kind of worried. I turned and continued into my room, muttering to myself. "It's a tattoo, most girls have them. It's not the end of the world." I sighed as I opened my closet. "Besides, if Hee wants me to have it, then I'll have it."

Since the process usually involved blood, I shuddered at the thought, I had better wear something loose and black, just in case. I pulled down a gauzy, crochet, peasant top, which would look awesome braless. Speaking of which… I retrieved a box from my dresser, and entered the bathroom to cleanse my chest before applying my B-cup breast forms. I spent an entire paycheck on those realistic, silicone beauties, and I wanted everything perfect before attaching them for the long haul.

Hee and I had only been to the salon together a few days before. I didn't have the nails she sported, but I did get more waxed than she did. It was the one thing I was seriously envious of her, her perfect skin. She rarely had to wax, shave, or anything else for that matter. It made me sick sometimes. I smiled at myself and my breasts before leaving the bathroom toward the make up table to apply some blender for the almost unnoticeable seams. I loved them so much. They were perfect for me.

I chose a skirt with a stretchy waistband in case they had to go a little lower on my back than necessary. If possible I would make it a tramp stamp. At least that wouldn't be out of the ordinary, and Hee would be happy that we had something that we could share. I sighed again, sat down to apply a little make up, and make sure my eyebrows were still perfect. Leaving my eyes alone was a necessity; I expected tears and I didn't want to look nasty-raccoon-girl for her.

"She's never going to notice me. No matter how girlie I am." Looking into the mirror at my fairly feminine face, I frowned. "Just move on, and look for someone else, Cho."

"Cho, are you ready?" Hee called from the kitchen.

I looked at my watch. "I thought you said an hour. It's only been twenty minutes!"

She stuck her head in the door. "You do not need make up for this." Hee rolled her eyes and rushed over to grab me by the arm. "You are always such a girl. Come now, where are your sandals? I want to get there before all the good monks are taken."

I laughed. "Is this like a salon or something?"

Shaking a finger at me she smiled. "Do not make me spank you, Cho." She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. "You are very pretty today."

I followed her lips, and then looked up at her eyes. "Komawoyo, Hee." That means thank you in Korean. I've been picking up the language for five years now. Mostly informal stuff, since I hung around Hee's girlfriends at school, and they tended to ramble on in Korean. It was either learn what they were saying, or sit there in paranoia all the time, thinking they were always talking about the Caucasian girlie-boy behind my back.

We hurried out the door, and after Hee remembered, I went back in and retrieved the scroll I had forgotten. I jammed it in my purse and slung the strap around my neck. Hee and I always rode our bikes around the neighborhood to keep in shape. Since the temple in question was only a few blocks away, it really wasn't a decision we would have taken the time to make. The car was pretty much for work only.

I always trailed a little bit behind her when we biked. I loved the way her hair always flew away from her shoulders, and the way she looked when she turned and smiled at me. However, this time, I caught up and rode along side her. I wasn't going to fantasize my way through life any longer. Cho was only into girls and the truth was that however much I wanted to be a girl sometimes, it wasn't going to happen.

There was no parking lot at the temple. You were expected to either walk or bike. They were very health conscious, or something like that. When we arrived, we locked our bikes on the racks and entered the temple.

"Just follow my lead. Do what I do, and say what I say."

She always said the same thing every time we went there. I had been with her a number of times, and never disappointed, or embarrassed her. The monks always treated me with a lot of respect, which I was very appreciative of. They knew of my nature as well. One of them was actually kind of cool. His name was Sam. Sam the monk. When I was waiting for Hee to do some ritual she performed several times a year, I always sought out Sam and we would have a nice chat. He once commented that I was very Tao. Even though I never prescribed to any particular religion or philosophy, I was curious as to what he meant.

He was raised in Houston, so he never spoke the way the rest of the monks did. They put up with it, because Sam was always able to keep the teenagers interested in the temple life. Teens and religion don't mix very well. Sam was that good. When I asked what he meant about me being Tao, he explained in actual terms I could understand instead of the party line junk.

"Cho-Ri, you are forever in the balance of things. It's pretty cool, actually. You live your life as a boy and a girl. Tao is the search for balance, or trying to understand that which is in itself not understandable. You live your life like water."

I remember giving him a playfully dirty look. "You mean I'm all wet?"

He laughed at my joke. "Not at all. You are in control of your life so much that you need no control. When life changes around you, you slip between the cracks, or push over the side, down underneath, never letting the difficulties bother you to the point of distraction."

I tried to see what he was talking about. I mean I was of the opinion that there were a lot of things in my life that were out of my control. If they were, then I turned in a different direction, and followed a different path. I learned early on that being angry or unduly sad never accomplished too much but make you and those around you feel the same way, or worse, pity you.

"I can see where that would be good in some ways, but I think I'm a little tougher than that."

I remember his knowing smile. Sam always knew what I was going to say in response. "Cho-Ri, you are like water: clear, cool, and fresh. All things depend on it for life, but in the end, even the hardest stone can't stand in its way forever. Patience is your gift. Everything and everyone eventually yields to patience."

I remembered those words he said every time I saw Sam there. He had faith in me, even when I had doubts. Even when I didn't believe in his religion or philosophy. That made it enough for me. He held a lot of respect in my heart just for being a good man.

"Cho."

I looked over at Hee, and she was looking at me strangely. "Sorry. I was just remembering something."

"Well, get your head out of the sky, come on."

"Clouds. Get your head out of the clouds."

She nodded once at me. That was the way we did things. She still had the occasional problems with American sayings. I'd correct her, and we would let it go. That is unless she said something totally off the wall. Like the time I drank the last Dasani in the Refrigerator, she said, "You piss on me off!"

"No, Hee, it's 'you piss me off'. One is a explicative and the other a nasty online fetish." Which kind of made me wonder why she spent so much time online. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

"Hee-Shin, Cho-Ri, it is a pleasure seeing you again."

Sam!

"Hi Sam." I place my palms together with my elbows out, perpendicular to the gesture, and bowed with a bright grin on my face.

He did the same and smiled sweetly at me, the trouble was that he smiled sweetly at Hee also. Am I never going to find an available person to date. A lesbian and a monk. What are the odds? I thought being bisexual upped the odds considerably. Maybe I should just stop thinking. It always tends to make things difficult in the end.

Hee took out her scroll and handed it to Sam. When she glanced my way, I did the same. He unrolled hers first and read along for a moment, then rolled it back up and did the same with mine.

"We have two availabilities today, and if I know you as I think I do, Hee-Shin, I believe you would do well with the elder."

Hee bobbed her head. "Thank you, yes. Cho, is not as picky as I am, and I was wanting something very intricate."

"As you wish." He handed her the scroll back and gestured to the right. "He is waiting for you down the stairs at the first door on the left."

Hee finger waved at me. "Good luck, Cho."

I nodded and waved back. "You too."

Sam turned to his side, and held out an elbow. "May I escort you to your monk for the day, Cho-Ri?"

I could have preened at that moment. Sam always made me feel welcome and very feminine. "Thank you, Sam."

After I slipped my hand into the crook of his arm, he covered it with his free hand, and we proceeded to the stairs. "You look nervous."

"I am. I have no idea why I'm doing this."

He turned and looked down at me. Sam had about six inches on my five-five height. "Because you love and respect your friend. You know that she would never do anything that would cause you harm, and it is her belief that you will come out of this experience with a great gift."

My tension eased. That was exactly the reason. "You're right, as always, Sam. Thank you."

He chuckled as we stepped off the bottom stair into the well lit hall. "I'm not always right, but I strive to be helpful."

"Shh," I teased. "You'll blow the whole image I have of you in my mind. Just go with my exaggerated opinions."

"Of course, Cho-Ri."

We reached a curtain covered entrance and Sam pulled aside the opening for me.

"Thank you."

He nodded. "You are very welcome."

The room was maybe ten by ten square. There was some light incense burning. I couldn't make out the scent, but it was sweet and soothing. When he stepped in behind me the curtain dropped and covered the light from the hallway. The wall sconces were burning an open gas flame and gave a decidedly red glow around the room.

Sam gestured to the right, and I saw a table with several sketchings laying atop. "When Hee-Shin's uncle contacted us, I asked to be the one who performed this rite, if that is okay with you."

The last of the tension I felt left my chest with a smile blossoming on my face. "I'd like that."

"It's my pleasure, Cho-Ri." He again took my elbow and guided me to the table. "I made a number of designs that I thought you might approve of. If you don't find what you are looking for here, then I have others that I can offer.

My eyes widened at what I was seeing. "You did these?"

Seeing my subdued excitement he smiled. "I take it you approve?"

I moved aside a couple, and stood in awe of his artistic talent. "Approve? This is amazing! I never knew you were so talented."

I stopped on a simple Yin-Yang symbol. There were symbols inside, in place of the dots that normally appear, and intricate geometric symbols surrounding the outside. It wasn't as beautiful as some of the dragons and tigers, or lizards I saw, but something about it caught my eye.

"This is the eum-yang. I've modernized it a little, and added something that I think will please you." He pointed to the symbols inside. "This is the symbol for the calm stream that winds down the mountain. It is always in motion underneath, but the surface shows flat stillness, peace in the face of adversity."

"I'm water." I grinned at him in remembrance. He nodded that he was thinking the same thing.

"And this is the symbol of Chang-Ngo. She is the goddess that lives on the moon. She grants her worshipers serenity and beauty."

"That's beautiful."

He nodded in agreement. "And of course the eum-yang. The symbol of Taoism, natural duality, night-day, man-woman." He smiled again at the last. "I thought that perhaps this would suit you best, as to me, you are the epitome of what this symbol represents."

I took a breath and tried not to think lusty thoughts. "What are the patterns around it?"

"Those are the protections against evil and hardship. Once I have written them into you, those negatives will be repulsed and will not harm you."

He sounded confident, like he truly believed in his work. It was a heady feeling.

I nodded. "I trust you."

"That is good of you to say, Cho-Ri. Thank you." He took the drawing along with my elbow, once more to a corner. "If you would disrobe, I will await you at the altar."

I felt the heat rush to my face. "Just my top?"

"If you prefer." His face was calm and composed. "You have nothing to fear from me, Cho-Ri. My life here at the temple is a celibate one. While I may appreciate beauty such as yours, I will not act upon the desire it invokes."

Oh God, Buddha, and the little green men on Pluto, he thinks I'm beautiful?! "Okay," I barely whispered. He nodded again, and turned around to give me a little privacy.

I made a decision right there that I wasn't going to act like I was in high school. I may not be the person that I wanted to be, but I wasn't ashamed of myself either. After undoing the tie above my breasts I lifted the blouse off and use the provided hanger, then I slipped out of my skirt. I still wore my low rise black cotton panties, and I forced the embarrassment out of my body. Now if the blood that was filling my face would only cooperate I would be just peachy. My sandals followed, then I went over to the table Sam was standing beside, being a perfect gentleman monk.

"I'm ready," I nearly squeaked out.

Without turning he instructed me on what to do. "If you would lie on the altar face down, and make yourself as comfortable as possible we will begin."

Five hours later, and I was running only on reserves. It was a lesson in controlling pain. The only thing that kept me running from the room was the sound of Sam's voice chanting while he did his work. It was almost hypnotic in a way. He stopped a number of times to see how I was doing, but I assured him that as long as he was singing, I'd be okay. Okay, it wasn't singing in the sense that we're used to. I mean there wasn't a subwoofer thumping in the background to a bone vibrating beat, but it was like he was singing just to me, and that was enough.

Not to mention that his hands were all over my back as he steadied himself. There was even one time where he rested his forearm on my butt. I wished at that particular moment that I wasn't wearing the panties. Okay, I'm having sexual fantasies about seducing a celibate monk. We all do at one time or another, right? Feel free to agree with me, go ahead. Sigh. Okay, I really need to seek mental help.

The balm he spread over my back felt so good. I thought I was going to… um, it felt good.

When Sam helped me sit up I had forgotten that I was wearing my breast forms. Needless to say, he was speechless.

"They're not real." At this point I was too exhausted to even cover myself.

"They are very becoming, Cho-Ri." He looked a tad bit nervous. "Shall I help you get dressed?"

I nodded. "Thanks, I would appreciate that."

He retrieved my skirt which I slid into first and then I raised my hands up as he dropped my blouse down my arms and tied off the top. I looked up at him, only inches away, and bit my lower lip. His eyes wouldn't stay on mine, and he looked away. "I'll get your sandals."

I expected him to drop them at my feet and hurry out. Maybe I had repulsed him after all, but he surprised me by kneeling and sliding each one onto me, before returning to full height. "I have covered the protection. Here is some additional ointment, if there is pain or bleeding. Try to let it get as much air as possible so that it heals properly."

He went on with his instructions for care of my new ink, and then added something at the end that I wasn't expecting. "Would you do me a favor tonight?"

I nodded. He went over and retrieved a small box from under the table. "Show these to Hee-Shin. She'll know what to do."

The box was sealed and I looked at it with interest, but I cold see a faint trace of color on Sam's cheeks.

"I will."

With that, Sam escorted me back out, and we saw Hee waiting at a bench by the door. She looked like she had been there for a long time.

"Wow, I thought you guys got lost down there." Humor was etched on her face.

Sam greeted her again and reminded us of our duties to ensure the protection. From the moment we left the temple we were not to speak for three nights. So, it was more like two and a half days, since the current one was almost gone already. There were a few other things that I was sure we wouldn't have a problem with doing. We could not kill, steal, or cheat during this time. Damn, and there was a little Handie-Mart on the way home too! The other two were more Hee's and my speed. We couldn't be intoxicated by alcohol, we could drink, just not get drunk. But seeing as how we were both eighteen, that was problematic anyway. The biggest one of all was last. We could not lust.

I am soooo not making it through this.

Sam helped me secure the box in the basket on the back before we took off on the torture trek back to the house. After I was able to get going I was confident enough to ride without my hands. I had excellent balance on a bike. It was at the last part, when we turned into the driveway, that I almost yipped in pain.

Hee kept looking at me strange, and acting like she wasn't in any pain at all, which was annoying. Perfect skin and a inhuman tolerance for pain too. When we made it inside she went into her bedroom and disappeared for a few minutes. She came back out dressed in shorts and a bikini top. Pointing to her back, she motioned to remove the bandage. It needed to air out.

The thing was, when she turned around I saw this little tiny five by five white bandage that was taped at the corners. After peeling it off I saw a very detailed dragon above her waistline in the middle of her back. I thought mine was a little bigger than that. Maybe that was why she was done so soon.

She gave me inquiring eyes. I nodded and signed that it looked great. It did. She then motioned for me to turn around, and take off my top. It was a bit more of a struggle for me to do so, and Hee kept giving me the weird looks again, as she had to help me with the blouse. But once it was off I turned around for her to remove the bandage, and she gasped out loud.

I spun back around, almost in a panic. She was covering her mouth. I almost blew the whole thing right there and started talking, but she made another gesture indicating the size of my bandage, and it wasn't the little square she had. I rotated once more and felt my eyes tear up as I did.

Hee picked at the tape, above my shoulder blade, down my sides and just below my skirt. The wait was agonizing, but I already knew what she would find underneath. When she was finished I rushed to my bedroom, and grabbed my makeup mirror before heading to the large mirror and bright light of the bathroom. I looked at the reflection of my face for a moment before turning around. Hee was standing at the door, her hand still covering her mouth in nervous expectation, as I raised the smaller mirror to see what had been done.

The majority of my back was Sam's canvas and he was truly an artist. It was gorgeous. The yin-yang symbol was simple enough, but the work on the outside was so intricate that I held my breath as I looked it over. It was so much more than the drawing that he showed me. In the end, I was speechless. Hee tried to judge how I was feeling, but I don't know if she was able. She turned me so that she could get a better look. I felt the heat of her hand hovering over my skin as if she were afraid to touch it, but wanted nothing more than to do just that.

Once she got my attention she asked if I was okay. Of course if we knew sign language the point would have come across much quicker than it took us to get on the same frequency. Strangely enough I was okay. I was water, after all. The whole thing was a shock, but something within me felt pleased at the outcome. It was a different kind of experience for me… and Sam.

The way I thought about it was that, even though Sam was celibate, we were both in that room and were laid bare. He made love to me in the only way he knew how, through his art. I said that the tattoo was more than the picture he showed me. That told me that he went beyond what he felt at the time of his drawing, and poured himself into the work. If I looked at it like that, then there was a little bit of Sam inside me at that moment. Something he hadn't planned on. It was like making love. No two experiences were alike. You may perform in the same position in bed, but the intensity of the moment will always be changed from time to time. And now I knew that it was as intense for him as it was for me.

Fingers snapping in front of my face let me know that Hee was trying to get my attention. She gave me an intense look, almost like she was pissed. I shook my head and smiled at her. Leaning in I hugged her to me and sighed. She tried to hug me back, but there wasn't much to do with three-quarters of my back injured. Instead I leaned back and kissed her on the cheek, then I pantomimed going to sleep.

She still looked worried and then helped me to bed.

I woke up with an whole body ache. My hands, feet, chest, arms, and head throbbed with a bone deep dull pain, while my legs and abdomen felt like had a four hour long workout. The muscles were tight and felt stringy. Surprisingly, my back didn't bother me at all. The first thought that went through my head, was that the exhausting experience last night had far more reaching consequences than I had realized. A little groan fell from my lips and into the pillow under my face.

As I twisted my head, my legs and arms moved into a more comfortable position, and with it even more annoyance. Even my skin felt abused. The cotton sheets that I had purchased from the store, only last week, felt like sandpaper against me.

So much for sleeping in on my last Friday as a free person.

Another sigh was released, and I reluctantly tossed the sheets off and rose from the bed. When I moved, I could feel the tight skin on my back. My face wrenched at the thought of being covered in crusty scabs. Yuk. A shower seemed like a wonderful thing at the moment.

I remembered to keep the water temperature moderate, and to not let it hammer into my back, only to allow it to hit my shoulders and roll down to soothe the wounds. You never really realize how hard it is to wash your hair and not let the shampoo run on your back. My hair was maybe an inch past my shoulder and I had plans to let it grow down to at least the middle, so I took great care of it. I wanted long straight hair like Hee, and luckily I had the advantage, as mine was thicker than hers, but just as soft and shiny. It was only a matter of time until it was just as pretty.

I had to resort to patting at my skin, afterward, with the towel. It was incredibly sensitive, but I once again rationalized it away as fallout from the day before.

Once I made it in front of the mirror to comb out my hair, I stopped everything and blinked at my reflection. Something was off, but it didn't jump out at me. Everything was where it belonged. I wasn't sporting an extra arm out of the side of my neck or anything so drastic, but something was different about me.

Then I finally figured it out. One of the four lights over the sink had burned out sometime over the night. It was probably casting a weird shadow that was making me look different. That was it.

Shorts were my only choice for the day, and very low rise shorts at that, because the tattoo reached so low, under my normal waist line. I didn't have anything I could wear as a top, and that felt really strange. I hadn't walked around without a top in forever. What felt even more bizarre was walking around with my breast forms bare. While I didn't have to worry about sagging, the tugging and bouncing when I moved too fast was an odd feeling.

Hee was in the kitchen when I entered the living room, still unpacking and washing the contents. She looked up at me and smiled, with a small giggle at the end. She motioned at her own breasts, which were covered, thank god. I just flipped her off and smiled along with her. She came out and around, to look me over with a critical eye. Her eyebrows bunched slightly, but then she shrugged and held up a finger for me to stay put while she disappeared into her bedroom.

A few moments later, and she returned holding a red piece of silk I recognized as a top of hers that I absolutely loved. It tied off behind the neck and the small of the back, leaving her back completely bare, covering only her breasts and the upper portion of her abdomen. My eyes brightened and I gestured to myself. She nodded and helped me with fitting it properly.

It was a little small for me, but Hee was very petite. Since I wasn't able to tie it off at my waist, Hee attached the lower strings to the belt loops on my shorts that rode just under my kidneys. Because of that, it was a perfect fit! I checked myself out in the mirror and I loved the way it made me look.

Then I felt something that sent a shiver up my spine. Hee brushed her fingertips over my back. I looked over my shoulder at her, and saw that she was surprised about something. Holding up her hand once more for me to wait, she ran off to her room again and returned with a hand mirror. I already knew what she wanted at this point. Maybe my back was a real mess. A grimace appeared on my face at the thought of scabs covering the entire surface.

Hee turned me around and saw my reluctance to look, but gave me her, 'do not be stupid, Cho', look and I raised the hand mirror.

Last night the tattoo was covered in clear salve, and wherever my natural skin showed there were angry red welts, especially along the edges of the ink. This morning they were gone, along with the salve. Well, I did take a shower, but that didn't explain the next thing I perceived. It already appeared healed, the entirety of my back. I tried to reach over to touch it, but, of course my hands weren't that long, so I tried to touch it from the bottom. This time I was successful.

Nothing but smooth skin, without even the barest hint showing any of the work Sam did the previous day. The ink was still there, but it looked as it were a part of me now instead of having just been worked just a short time ago. I pushed on the markings and there was no pain. Hee did the same, but I just shook my head and smiled. Come to think of it, the tight feeling I had only that morning was gone. It was like any scabbing I had, probably washed off in the shower.

Hee ran over to the kitchen counter and picked up a tablet and pen. I could already see that she had written something earlier. When I took it I went over to sit on the edge of the couch.

Cho-Ri,

I am so sorry about what Sam did to you yesterday. It was not my intention to allow something like this to happen. I thought that you would choose to have a small tattoo, like myself. Uncle gave you the gift so that you would feel like a part of the family, and perhaps take a measure of protection away from the experience. I wanted us to be even closer, as you are like a sister to me. Please forgive me.

Hee

Now Hee, almost never called me Cho-Ri. It's a way of showing respect, to use the full name, and we were way too familiar with each other to use it except in certain situations. Hee was most definitely feeling like she forced me into something beyond my understanding. Sure, it was far and away beyond anything I had ever done before, but the things was, I liked it.

I looked up at her standing in front of me with her head bowed and eyes on the floor, waiting for some sort of non-verbal scolding. So, I reached out and took the pen from her hand to write my response.

Hee-Shin,

I love my new tattoo. I didn't plan on it being so big, but I'm glad that it is. I can't explain why, but it feels very right. You know?

I can't believe it healed so quickly. Is yours the same? Maybe we should go back and talk to Sam about it?

Cho.

Don't ask me why I signed it. I don't know why.

She took it and after reading, dropped to her knees and hugged me, in relief. Her strong grip around my back didn't hurt at all. It felt totally normal. When she pulled back, her eyes were very glassy and she nodded, pointing at where I wrote 'Sam'.

We grabbed our sandals, and were out the door a few minutes later. Half way there we had to stop and re-tie the top she lent me, this time around my waist. It was a tight fit, leaving very little to work a decent bow, but it felt a lot more secure. There's nothing like riding your bike and having your top flapping in the wind for everyone to see what's underneath.

When we arrived and locked our bikes up Hee took my hand in hers, and led the way into the temple. It took longer to find Sam than we expected. He was performing his morning meditation and prayers. I spent that time looking around, along with Hee. Not that I hadn't seen almost everything in the temple already, but this time I actually looked at things instead of merely noting their presence. It was very serene and very Asian. That's about all I can say about that.

I noticed Sam before Hee did.

"Cho-Ri, Hee-Shin. It is a pleasure to see you here this morning. How may I assist you."

Hee and I performed the required bow, and then Hee took me by the shoulders and turned me around.

"Oh!" He paused for a moment and then I felt his warm fingers on my back. "Wait here, I must get an elder."

Hee shrugged her shoulders, as she didn't know what he was doing either. A few minutes passed and Sam returned with a guy that looked to be about a hundred years old, and knowing that Asians didn't show their age like Caucasians did, that was saying something about how old the guy actually was.

"This is the Elder Ho. Elder Ho, this is Hee-Shin. Her Uncle is the one who gifted the Yantra for these young ladies. This is Cho-Ri. She is the one I asked you to see." I bowed to the elder and then turned around. "I only performed the ritual yesterday and she is completely healed."

While Ho apparently understood English just fine, he chose to speak in Korean, which I could normally only follow about every fourth or fifth word, but this time I could almost understand what he was saying. His dialect was not what I was used to, differing from Hee and our friends. Even Hee had a hard time following along.

Regardless, Sam was able to translate for us. "Elder Ho says that this is not unheard of, but very rare, and shows…" He stopped and I saw his face redden slightly. "He says it shows the connection that we each have with one another, and in turn with the goddess depicted in the Yantra, Chang-Ngo."

I smiled with a little embarrassment of my own.

"Did you give the offering last night?"

I didn't know what he was talking about, but Hee did and she nodded. She turned to me and mimed a square shaped… oh the box! She must have understood what it was for and then done it for me.

"Cho-Ri, yesterday was Mid-Autumn day, the eighth lunar month on the night of the full moon. It is Chang-Ngo's day of worship. The box was for her, and from what Elder Ho says, it appears that she has blessed you." Sam smiled in subdued awe. "It is unheard of for someone that holds to no faith or no particular philosophy to be blessed in such a way. He has also suggested that you look within yourself. To consider joining our temple. It would be a great honor for us to have one such as yourself to be a part of our faith."

I gave him a confused look and he explained further. "Cho-Ri, you have been touched by the goddess. What better way to show others that not everything we teach is parable and hard to understand ritual."

Oh, well, if he put it that way. I didn't want to say anything, because I wasn't supposed to say anything, but I got my point across that I would consider it.

"That is all we ask."

Elder Ho said something else and gestured to me a few times before Sam translated. "Elder Ho says that perhaps the Goddess is not finished with you. There is always a purpose behind each revealing of her presence. If you notice any other changes in your body or in your spirit, please let us know as soon as you can."

By spirit I assumed he meant my mind, which made me wonder if there was some funky drug in the ink they used.

"I am very happy for you, Cho-Ri, and very pleased that I was able to be a part of the revelation that you have become a part of."

Both he and Elder Ho bowed very low to me, which I knew was a sign of great respect. I returned the gesture and Hee followed soon thereafter.

We spent the better part of the day getting the house in order and decorating. I had no problem letting Hee be in charge of making the living room a mixture of Korean and American styles. She had an eye for décor and I just followed with whatever she wanted to do.

Another night passed, where this time I fell asleep on my back, and woke up with even more aches and changes to my body.

I was in the confused period of wakefulness and sleep when I had a wonderfully tingly feeling on my chest. Under my sheets I ran my hands up and across my breast forms, only I felt my hand on them like it was my own skin I was touching. That is what brought me fully awake. I gave a great squeeze to my right breast form. No matter what the advertisements say, they haven't made a way for silicone to feel like actual breasts. They can come close, but for those of us that know, there is a difference, not to mention the reciprocal feeling of having one of them squeezed and it hurting. Nope, they haven't come that far along, yet.

With a shudder of fear running through me I brought both my hands out, and slowly lifted the sheet to see my breasts. Another thing about breast forms, they mostly hold their shape. Even when laying down, they are much more perkier than real breasts. The ones on my chest were not perky, The were almost flattened mounds. I knew what real breasts looked like when a girl was lying down, and those most definitely look like real breasts.

The next thing I noticed was my skin was no longer the tanned skin I had yesterday. It was more… not yellow, but it looked like the color of Hee's skin, like Asian, or more to the point, Korean skin.

By this time my lungs were becoming labored with rapid breath. I think I was going into full blown panic mode, and I was just frozen as I was looking back and forth between my apparently real looking breasts, and my skin.

I had to actually force myself to calm down before getting up. Unrealistic rationalizations zoomed through my head at an unbelievable rate. I was thinking about poisons in the ink, bad lighting, maybe hypnotism, hallucinations, unseen blows to the head. Nothing made sense. But I shoved it back. I need to see if there were any more changes and laying there in bed wasn't going to accomplish anything.

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see anything until I was in a good source of light. My bathroom was only steps away from the left side of my bed and I knew there was nothing in between me and the doorway. My breathing was still fast-paced as I fumbled along the wall for the light switch.

The click and pinkish color behind my eyelids let me know that the minor mission was accomplished. I still covered my eyes with a single hand before opening them and peeking out between the not so closed fingers.

Those are not my breast forms. The shape was a little different, almost conical instead of the round ones I specifically remembering attaching just two days previous. I let my free hand, find and knead one of my breasts. It gave way a lot easier than the silicone did. They weren't as heavy either, and they were a lot more sensitive than I was used to. And yes, my skin had most definitely change colors. Well I didn't have to envy Hee her beautiful complexion anymore.

Conflicting emotions were also soaring through me. I had real breasts, and the breast forms were gone. I knew they hadn't fallen off in the bed. I would have felt them. So that means the old ones were somehow changed into the new ones. That alone was reason for celebration. I had real breasts! It was impossible, but there they were. And my skin was… Korean. That wasn't impossible. I'm sure their were things that I could have eaten or absorbed that would change the color, but the texture had also changed, which wasn't possible, at least not overnight.

A thought came to me, just then, and my hand darted down between my legs. Okay, it was still there. Everything was still there. I hadn't bounced into a new female body in one night.

I finally got the nerve to lower the hand that wasn't doing such a great job of covering my eyes anymore. Checking out my body, I saw subtle changes. My chest seemed more vee-shaped, but not by much. My ribs weren't as prominent, and my waist more defined. It tucked in right after my ribs ended and then swelled back out to my hips, which hadn't seemed to change at all.

I bent over to get a better look at my wee. It was exactly like before. Granted I was no stallion at any time in my life, but I was normal, maybe a little less, if you go by the national average. I wouldn't know if it changed exactly until I had an erection, but by all accounts I was still a guy, or considering I had breasts now, maybe somewhere in between.

From the aroma in the air I knew Hee was making gaeran tost-u. It's an egg sandwich with cabbage, onion, and carrots mixed in with a sprinkling of brown sugar. I wasn't so much with the cabbage. I am American, after all, so she usually left it off of mine.

I had to hurry so it wouldn't get cold. A quick check over my body and I thought that I had everything categorized. Then I looked up at my face and almost screamed. My eyes!

Gone were the Caucasian eyes of my mother, and in their place was almost an exact duplicate of Hee's eyes and those of our friends. I closed in on the mirror and watched as I blinked several times. The bottom lid was almost perfectly straight and the top was a single half-moon arc. I squinted and noticed that they moved into a relaxed tilde shape. There was no hiding this, not that I wanted to. They were gorgeous! My attention was brought to my eye color and I noticed that they were still bright blue, which wasn't a Korean color at all.

A knock at the bedroom door shook me out of my examination. I dashed out and tapped at my side to let her know I was up and would be out soon. Moving with determination this time, now that I wasn't being distracted by the mirror, I sifted through my drawers to find a bikini top that I had purchased for when we used the hot tub on the back porch. I tied it off and was very pleased with how my new breasts looked. Panties and jean shorts were next. I didn't have to have them as low cut this time, so I chose something that would look good with the bikini top. Some sandals later and I was ready to go freak out my roommate.

Hee was sitting at the breakfast table looking out the recessed window in the back yard when she heard me enter. She was chewing on a bite, and swallowed right when she turned and smiled at me.

Her eyes shot opened and she gasped, which wasn't a good thing, considering what she was doing. She stopped breathing and started choking. Her eyes watered up and she grabbed at a glass of orange juice. To help control the dislodged bite of sandwich in her throat.

Hee was caught between pointing at my face and trying not to choke more. When I pulled out my chair and sat down like nothing was wrong, along with a mild inquiry if she was okay, she nodded quickly and pointed again at me. She looked like she was going to burst if she didn't speak right away.

Holding up my hands I calmed her down, and let her know that I knew what had changed and was perfectly fine with the results. Scooting my chair closer to hers, I took her hand and placed it on my breast. What little color was left in her face drained away to nothing. She squeezed it, and then moved over to the other and did the same.

The chair she was sitting in fell over as she jumped up and grabbed her tablet and pen.

WTF?, she scribbled.

They're real, I replied.

No shit! We need to see Sam.

I nodded and wrote. After breakfast. I'm okay with this, Hee. I couldn't be happier.

Really? She didn't seem convinced.

I took the time to write what I was actually feeling. It's like I'm finally becoming the person I always knew I was. I know you don't understand, but I welcome this. Don't feel bad for me.

She looked at me in understanding sympathy. Do you still have your wee?

I nodded. Nothing changed there. I'm beautiful like you. Don't you like it?

Hee gave me a disapproving look. I liked you the way you were before. Nothing has changed. If you are happy with what has happened, then I am happy as well.

I was happy. A contented feeling seeped through every pore on my body and along with it, a happy smile appeared on my face. I donned a gauzy button down to cover myself so as to not flash the neighborhood, and we set off at a leisurely pace to the temple to report my newest changes. Imagine my surprise to find Sam and Elder Ho sitting on a bench just inside the entrance.

Sam was dumbfounded, and Elder Ho graced me with a quirk of his lips. We all bowed to each other then the old monk turned to Sam.

"Tell her that I see Chang-Ngo has once again blessed her. It is obvious that Cho-Ri holds a place in her heart."

I was surprised that the elder was speaking perfect English. When Sam turned to relay the message I held up my hand and nodded, gesturing that I understood.

"You did?"

I nodded. What? I motioned.

"You understood Korean?" Sam asked.

I shook my head and pantomimed writing on something. The Elder studied me for a moment. "Come, young one, let us retire to the temple and a place where you may speak freely."

Oh hallelujah!

We went inside and back down into the basement to the very end of the hall, this time. Incense was burning thick here but there was good ventilation so I didn't feel suffocated. Hee and I looked around and waited for what was going to happen next.

"The walls of this room are protected from evil spirits, you no longer need to be silent, but only as long as you are in this room," the Elder explained.

"Thank you, sir." Something else I'd learned. My voice hadn't changed. I was always able to emulate a girl's voice easily, but I usually had to put effort into it. I wasn't quite sure if I was doing so right at that moment.

Sam startled. "You speak Korean?"

"Um, no. Well a few words, but nothing like you or Hee."

Hee grabbed my upper arm. "Cho, you're speaking Korean right now."

"I am?"

"You're are using my dialect as well, Cho-Ri," the Elder told me. "It is refreshing to be spoken to this way. I have not heard the true language of my father for many years."

My hand had found the way to my throat and I rubbed at it softly. "But how?"

The old monk broke another smile. "Is it not enough to accept the gift, and not question its origins?"

I nodded. "I've always been curious, Elder Ho, but I will accept anything Chan-Ngo will give me."

Had I already become a believer? Well, it was hard not to believe considering how I've changed over the last two days.

Elder Ho nodded in understanding. "From our discussion this morning, Sam-Li informs me that you embody the essence of Tao; that you are like water. Tell, me young one. Would you be willing to spend the day with me in conversation on this subject?"

He wanted to talk to me about Tao? The only thing that I knew was what I'd learned from Sam. "I don't really know anything, but I can talk about it with you if you'd like."

Sam noted the gesture that the Elder made in his direction and he took Hee by the elbow to show her out of the room. I gave her a reassuring smile as she left.

"Please, have a seat."

I saw two cushions on the floor, facing each other and took the one that the elder didn't. My legs naturally assumed the lotus position, which I was familiar with but rarely used. Again, I accepted the difference in my actions like it was expected. I found myself less and less worried about change. It would come and I would change.

"You do not seem to be worried or afraid, Cho-Ri."

I found that I needed to mull over things a little longer than I was used to, like I needed to say something profound, or at least somewhat intelligent to convey how I actually felt. "I am afraid. But when I… see through my fear, I know I'll be safe."

"I now know why Sam-Li recognizes your spirit. You come by Tao very naturally."

I smiled in question. "Is that a good thing, Elder?"

"It is neither good nor bad. It just is."

How transcendent are we gonna get here?

We spent hours sitting there, talking. I eventually grew hungry, and we ate steamed rice and boiled chicken for lunch. Sam brought in the food and sat it at a nearby table. I felt compelled to serve the elder, not by anything they did or said, but as something one does for someone older and wiser than they are.

While I was familiar with some customs, such as table settings and general manners, I did not know them all, but did what came natural. When I reclaimed my pillow, Elder Ho was again smiling at me.

"You have served in a traditional house before, Cho-Ri?"

"No, sir."

He left it at that, and me wondering what I did right or wrong. See, this is why I could never be a monk or practice religion. I feel like an idiot every time I turn around.

Once lunch was over I cleaned up the place setting and set them on the tray, which I set outside the curtained room. Elder Ho looked tired from the morning's excursions. "If you will, young one, please forgive my old man's body. I have not had such invigorating conversation in such a long time, and it has tired me."

I knelt next to him and offered my help getting him to his feet. He paused several times to allow his body to regain its regular motion. I had suspected from the pained movements that he was suffering from arthritis. "May I assist you to your chambers, grandfather."

He turned his head to me and sighed with contentment. "Your help would not be turned away, child."

It took us a good part of fifteen to twenty minutes to walk from one end of the temple to the other, and it wasn't that big. When we arrived I noted the soft down mattress in the corner. It was small and simple, much like the décor in that room. I walked him over, and helped him sit on the bed. The one thing I did not do was pity the man. It was the way it was. People grow old and their bodies wear out. I knew he was near his time. It was easily seen when I took the time to actually look at him.

Before I left him he took my by the hand. "You will please inform Sam-Li that I wish to speak to him."

I nodded. "Of course, grandfather."

He squeezed my hand one last time. "You give me hope for the future, Cho-Ri. Follow your heart and spirit, they are one within you, and you will walk the path of Tao, granddaughter."

I smiled at his affection. "Get some rest, Grandfather. I will send for Sam."

For some reason unclear to me at the time I returned to the private room that I spent my time with Elder Ho. To my knowledge, Sam spent the better part of an hour with him before returning to that same room. His face was saddened, and I knew what had happened.

I stood and approached him while he waited for me by the basement entrance. Taking his arm I stood beside him, and the words fell from my mouth. I did not know where they came from, but somehow I did know that they were true about Elder Ho.

"Who can achieve his purpose is able to direct men. And his influence upon them long endures. Deeply rooted and firmly established, his vision lives on even after death."

It made sense to me, but I was still somewhat troubled about where the words came from. "I have to go now, Sam. Hee is probably sitting on the couch worried for me. But I will be back tomorrow morning. I have a feeling we aren't quite done here yet."

Before leaving I arched up on my tip-toes and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

The ride home was somber, but relaxing at the same time. I was happy that Elder Ho had some pleasure in the end, and I was happy that I contributed in giving him that pleasure. But I will miss talking to him. In the short time that I knew the old monk, he had an affect on me.

Now, I had to wait for one more night to find out what would happen next, and for now I wasn't afraid of what was to come. I would accept it and move on. I would not let fear and adversity block my way. Instead I would flow around it and mold it with my patience, because one day fear and adversity will crumble before me.

I am like water.

Photo Credit: Lee Hyo Ri

Author's Note:No this is not the end of Cho's story. This is only the first. I picture this story like the old TV show "Kung Fu" but without all the martial arts... well, maybe some martial arts. I will pop in a story here and there. It will be complete, as this one is, but hopefully leaving you wanting more. But first I will get back and finish The Center. I just had to get this story out of my head. Hopefully you liked it.

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Author's note: While this story is complete, it is my strong recommendation for you to read "I Am Like Water" to know what's going on. http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/16094/i-am-like-water

The Tao Te Cho-Ri

I dreamed of Elder Ho that night. He was dressed in red and gold robes and even thought he still had the air of age about him, the deep wrinkles I remembered on his face were filled and healthy looking. The glade we were standing in was surrounded by dozens of trees. Cherry blossoms were swirling around in artful delight. I felt so much peace at that moment that I wanted to cry.

"Cho-Ri," he said with happiness in his voice. "It is good to see you one last time."

"Grandfather. You look well."

He met me in the middle of the glade and plucked an errant blossom from my hair. "I am allowed a final conversation with you."

I gripped my wrists in each of my hands and nodded. "I will listen and remember well, Grandfather."

"Chang-Ngo has plans, however she will not be sharing those with you. It is important to not try to seek them out, but instead encounter each as they present themselves."

I saw his grin at my curiosity. In the short time that we had known each other, he discovered exactly how curious I could be. "You will live your life as you have done in the past, and if the opportunity comes to pass on your knowledge then you must do so."

"I don't understand, Grandfather."

"You will, Cho-Ri. Something that I was able to teach, only on rare occasions, was the knowledge that change is always upon us. To stand ridged in the wind is to invite collapse. You have come by this lesson naturally. There are those who will stand in your way during your journey, Cho-Ri. Remember to flow past them, over them, under them, and perhaps they will learn the lesson as well. Stiff and unbending is the principle of death. Gentle and yielding is the principle of life."

This I understood. I had already experienced rigidity in people and their beliefs.

"I understand, Grandfather."

"Learn what Sam-Li has to teach. He is smitten with you, Granddaughter."

I smiled in remembrance of Sam's touch along my back as he applied the Yantra tattoo that began the change in my life. "I …"

He raised his hand to me. "You have no need to explain yourself to me. As I have said before, you will be and in most ways are already, Tao. The vow of celibacy he has undertaken will be a rigidity that you will face. You must remind him that to be one with you is more important than his presence at the temple."

I knew I should be feeling embarrassment at that revelation, not to mention talking about sex with a guy about five or six times my age, but I only nodded in acceptance.

"As important, is your friendship with Hee-Shin."

"She is more then my friend, Grandfather. I love her."

He acknowledged my statement. "As she loves you. However, she lets her uncle dictate her life. It is good that she respects his wishes, it shows loyalty to her family. She is denying herself love, and that is urging her to imbalance. You must show her that she can respect her uncle, accede to his wishes, and be happy. It is up to you to set her on the correct path."

I swallowed. "I understand."

He closed his eyes and breathed in the sweet fragrance of the Cherry Blossoms. "I must go now, Granddaughter. Remember to pass on all you know in all that you do."

Before I could respond I saw him dissolve before me, caught in the delight of the wind.

"Goodbye, Grandfather."

There was silence when I awoke that morning. The scent of the dream still clung to me; my bedroom awash with the smell of the blossoms.

Seeing him again had been what I needed to close that chapter of my life; the end of Richard Ockerson, and the beginning of Cho-Ri for the rest of my days. I would live as I have always lived. Honoring his request was simple enough. It was the teaching that I was concerned with. I wasn't a teacher, so I didn't have clue one about how to perform that duty.

With a long, deep breath I released my worry. It wouldn't do any good to dwell on what was troubling me.

For the first time since I started my short journey, I did not feel aches in the morning. I did, however, feel different once more. My hands explored my body. Noting changes to look for in the mirror, I thought my hips were a tad bit wider, my butt a little fleshier, my thighs thinner, but more firm, and…

My eyebrows knitted. I still had my wee, and seeing as how it was erect, it was exactly the same size as before. I don't know if I should have felt disappointment at that revelation. Would I have felt better if I was a complete woman, or was I still in the middle of the life long debate of my true gender? Leaving that thought for a moment, I moved my hand lower and found my boy eggs were missing, if fact the whole sac was missing and something had been put in its place.

My mouth was parched at that moment, for I could feel the skin full and split down the middle. I tried swallowing, but it was a useless gesture. It was there. Chang-Ngo had gifted me with both sexes. I was no longer boy, nor was I girl. I was both and neither. The only thing I could say to explain it, was that I was one. I was balance.

Noticing the wetness on the sides of my face I reached up and felt the tears. I was finally someone I could identify with. My quest to discover my true gender had been answered for me by a goddess who lived on the moon.

"Thank you, Chang-Ngo. Thank you for your gift."

In answer to my gratitude I felt a cramp low in my abdomen. It wasn't pleasant, and I thought that maybe the Kimchi, Hee and I had for dinner the night previous, had been too spicy and was having its revenge on me. Tossing aside the sheet I made my way to the toilet and sat. Only it wasn't the Kimchi. It was something that I had never in my wildest dreams imagined I would experience. A wetness was seeping from between my legs. Rolling up a few sheets of toilet paper I dabbed at my new gift and came away with dark red blood.

"HEEEEEE!"

I heard a thump in the background, and then another as my bedroom door slammed open. My housemate and best friend appeared at the bathroom door.

"Cho, what is the matter!"

I winced a little. "May I borrow a tampon?"

As with every revelation for the last few days, Hee's face went ashen. "Are you serious?"

I nodded. "Chang-Ngo gave me a little more than I was bargaining for."

She made to leave and then turned around to say something, but waved herself off. "I will be right back."

Her feet thumped off at a rapid pace and she returned a minute later. "Here is the tampon, and a panty liner as well." She seemed dazed and was running on automatic responses. "Do you need help? I mean do you know what to do?"

I nodded. "I've read the boxes before."

She looked like she didn't understand, and then nodded her head before closing the door. Now from what I remember, I was supposed to put one foot on the toilet and insert the easy glide applicator, press the plunger, and pull it out. Before doing that I used the toilet in normal morning fashion, curious to see which way the pee came out. It turned out that nothing changed there.

I broke with the instructions and used the side of the bathtub. I had no desire to fall on my face as the closed toilet lid was higher than the tub.

Oh, that's not so bad, and it really looks odd to see a string hanging… never mind. I have probably gone into more detail than you've cared to read.

I flushed and washed my hands before checking out any new changes from the day previous. Yes, my hips were wider, slightly. They were more rounded, and I had a touch more on the cheeks, which was greatly welcome. I didn't have a nice butt as a boy. My waist looked even more nipped than yesterday and my abdominal muscles were defined in a wide strip down the middle rather than flat as most guys were. I was very happy with my body.

I didn't have any panties with me because I normally sleep in the nude. The sound of someone pacing in my bedroom let me know Hee was waiting for me, so I donned my silk robe and opened the door.

Hee was at the foot of my bed when she spun around and looked at me. She seemed torn about something. "What's wrong?" I asked.

She shook her head and then placed her hands together and bowed to me. I almost laughed. What was she doing? "Hee, why are you bowing?"

"Cho-Ri, you have been blessed by a goddess. It would be disrespectful…"

I closed in on her and pried her hands apart. "My name is Cho, you are Hee. We've known each other for years. You do not bow to me."

She wouldn't meet my eyes and appeared skittish. "But you are the newly beloved of Chang-Ngo. I must not dishonor your status by being disrespectful."

All of this because I got my first period? This called for drastic measures. "And you are my beloved. Does this mean I have to bow to you?"

Her head jerked up and her mouth worked, but nothing came out.

"Hee, stop and take a deep breath."

I could tell she was trying.

"Deep breath, come on," I urged.

Finally she sucked it in through a very tight throat.

"Now let it out slowly."

As she did I moved in and kissed her on the lips. Again she stiffened, but after a moment her lips softened and I continued the kiss for another few seconds before pulling back. Her eyes had gone soft and relaxed.

"You have been my beloved since the first time I met you, Hee. Don't let this change things between us. I think that's the one thing I could not bear."

She licked her bottom lip. "Okay." Her response was breathy and compliant.

I nodded and left her there as I searched for some panties and a morning outfit. White was totally out of the question. Peeling the tabs off the panty liner, I affixed it to the black cotton panties I pulled out of my drawer and then slid them up under the robe.

Hee was still standing where I left her moments before. Her tongue made the rounds once more on her lips before a smile broke out over my face.

"Why don't you go get dressed, Hee. I'll make breakfast this morning."

She nodded blankly and left for her room. Rummaging through another drawer I decided on black linen shorts. There was no telling if I was going to have a heavy day or not. Best to be on the safe side. I tossed the robe on the bed and took note of my very real breasts with satisfied smile, before retrieving a bra and putting it on.

My flexibility seemed to be increased, as I could attach the hooks without even the slightest inconvenience. The last item was a yellow cropped tee and a rose colored button down, which I left open and tied off underneath my breasts at the smallest point of my new waist. I am so glad that my clothes fit. They fit even better than they did when I was only a boy.

I went into a cooking frenzy when I reached the kitchen. The first thing I did was set the place settings at the table and then returned to steam some rice and make some fresh banchan. I set some water for tea and stopped when Hee showed up.

"What are you doing?"

"Making breakfast, what's it look like?"

Her eyes widened. "It looks like a feast. And since when do you cook traditional Korean food?"

I gazed down at the number of small bowls full of small amounts of banchan and three with fresh rice.

"And who is the third setting for?"

She was right. I set one too many place settings. That was when the knock sounded at the front door.

I flashed my eyebrows at Hee. "For our guest." Whoever that was, apparently. "Get the door. I'll set the table."

She blinked at me a few times and then shook her head, before heading to the door. I rushed to set the bowls on the table and steep the tea leaves.

"Uncle!" Hee said with delight. I stalled for a moment before remembering that I should greet him as well. I took off the apron I was wearing and put it on a hook as they entered the breakfast room.

Uncle stood only two inches taller than me, with a trim waistline and a full head of white hair. Men in the Shin household always grayed early in life. He looked at me, mystified, and with great interest while I approached and bowed with respect.

"Welcome to our home, Uncle. Would you care for something to eat?"

"It's true…"

A smile edged its way onto my face.

"I stopped by the temple on the way to work and Sam said that you…, your eyes. I would know your blue eyes anywhere, Cho-Ri."

I shied away and then moved to his side to take his elbow. "We have a place for you at our table, Uncle. You must eat if you are to be working all day."

Leading him to the head of the table I waited until he sat and then poured him some freshly steeped tea. Hee was about to take her seat and I looked up at her to shake my head. She returned a look of confusion. Setting down the tea pot I moved closer.

"We have to wait."

She grinned. "It is my uncle."

I nodded. "And he is eldest at the meal."

Hee pushed her chair back under the table and stood beside it, properly chastened while I served Uncle the different dishes I prepared. His delight at me observing old style etiquette was not lost to Hee.

"Please, you two. Join me, I can serve myself."

I nodded. "As you wish, Uncle."

While walking around to my chair I nodded to Hee. Her lips twisted up and she sent me a put upon look. Once Uncle picked up his chopsticks I handed each bowl to Hee so that she could take her desired portions while I served myself last.

"Would you care for more tea, Uncle."

"No thank you, Cho. The meal was the best I have had in years. Thank you for your kindness."

I nodded, and then winced as another cramp hit me at that moment. Uncle looked at me, somewhat worried. "Are you feeling ill?"

Shaking my head. "I'm fine, thank you."

"Cho is having her monthly, Uncle."

I glared at my housemate. One does not speak of these things at the table! What the hell? My brain is on Korean overload!

I dabbed at the edges of my mouth. "If you will please excuse me. I'll be right back."

Racing to my bedroom I shut the door and leaned against the dresser to stop and calm myself for fear of actually hyperventilating. Chang-Ngo had changed more than my body. Much more. I did not know traditional Korean etiquette. I did not know how to serve a Korean meal. And I most assuredly did not know how to cook, period, much less cook traditional Korean food.

A soft knock sounded at the door before Hee let herself in. I looked at my face in the mirror and my forehead was glistening with sweat.

"What's happening to me, Hee?"

She took my shoulders in her hands and then brought my face to her neck before hugging me. "I'm right here, Cho. Do not worry. You will be alright. You will be safe. I will not let anything happen."

More platitudes came from her and I was soothed with each one. When I got control of myself I stood there as Hee dabbed at my brow and brushed her hands on my plain cheeks. "You okay now?"

I nodded. "Sorry. Everything just caught up to me."

"And I did not help matters by being rude."

Shaking my head I tried to reassure her. "It's not you, it's me. You're being you, and I'm being a Korean housewife, for some reason."

Hee giggled. "You were being a perfect hostess. I have forgotten my manners."

Manners! "We mustn't leave Uncle out there by himself."

Another pet of my hair settled me. "He told me to apologize to you for bringing unseemly conversation to the table. So, he is fine."

A wave of cramps set in once more. This is nuts. How do women put up with it? "I think I need to…" Hee nodded and gave me a handful of tampons along with a bottle of Midol.

"This will help."

I thought it best not to tell you the tale of the bathroom a second time. When I returned to the living room Uncle was sitting at an armchair sipping at a cup of tea. "How are you feeling Cho?"

I took a seat on the couch and massaged my tummy. "Better Uncle, thank you."

"Hee, has told me of the last few days. I am amazed and humbled." He looked down at the floor and appeared somber. "I am ashamed to say that I had not taken my religion as seriously as I should."

"You are a busy man, Uncle. You shouldn't blame yourself."

He smiled at me. "You always were too kind to me, Cho."

Thinking it best not to say anything, I sat in silence.

"What are your plans?"

Plans? I hadn't really thought of making any plans. "Um, Hee and I start work tomorrow. I suppose…"

"Is this the same work that hired you as Richard Ockerson, the effeminate Caucasian boy?"

Dammit, good point. My mouth opened and then closed.

"No," Uncle hit his closed fist against the arm of the chair, not hard, but to impress upon me his will. "You will call them up and apologize for your 'brother'. He unexpectedly had to go out of town and will not return."

Again I opened my mouth to protest, but he was our elder, my elder. It was then that I realized that I actually thought of him as my real uncle. My protest died on my lips.

"You are part of my family now Cho. You will be my wife's sister's daughter. Conveniently enough her family name is Ri. I will have the proper documents made that will give you residence in America."

"How…"

He smiled slyly at me. "You do not think that all of our community is here legally, do you?"

Actually I did.

"There are always ways around the system, Niece." He set his tea aside and leaned forward in his chair. "You will not work for your living, Cho. You will be provided for."

Again I started to protest, but something very traditionally Korean kept my lips glued together except to acknowledge him. "Yes, Uncle."

"Sam has told me you were offered a chance to join the temple. Is this true."

I nodded.

"What are your thoughts on this?"

Truthfully, I hadn't really thought about it at all, but I did know organized religion just wasn't my thing. "I am not Buddhist. I am not anything, Uncle."

He narrowed his eyes at me, thoughtfully. "Then you will volunteer your time to the community. No more than twenty hours a week. The rest of your time will be in lessons with Sam."

Is it technically volunteering if you are ordered to volunteer by the head of your family?

"What are these lessons, Uncle?"

He leaned back and picked up his tea again, shrugging. "I imagine studying what he assigns you, perhaps a martial art. I hear they teach T'ai Chi. And you are to teach something. He didn't specify."

That sparked something off in my memory. I was supposed to teach… something. Okay, don't think about it and it will come to you.

At that point Hee entered the living room, wiping her hands on her shorts and looking back and forth between her uncle and me… our uncle and me. This is getting too confusing.

"I will set up a household account for you two. Take what you need to accommodate yourself, Cho. I assume you will need a few feminine things."

I nodded. "Yes sir."

Actually, not too much, my clothes fit so that was a big expenditure off my back. Maybe some different make up and hygiene products. Definitely some tampons and liners.

He sipped at his tea and made a face. It was probably cold by now. "Hee, you will inform your cousin of the talk your mother had with you."

Hee's eyebrows raised at the cousin remark, and then she grinned at 'the talk'. I reddened with embarrassment. Then he stood and pointed at me to stress the next line. "Any boys that want to court you, I must meet first."

At that point I was covering my eyes. Oh god, please make it stop.

"Hee has my business cards which has my cell number. They may call that number for an appointment. Make no commitments until I approve, Cho."

"Yes, Uncle." I said behind my hands. This was so humiliating. I know he did what he did out of respect for the family and respect for me, but there was only so much I could take in one sitting.

"Uncle, Cho has only been a girl for a few hours. I do not think she's ready to start dating yet."

Thank you, Hee.

"It's never too soon for a frank talk about sex and dating, Hee. It's better she hear it from me, and feel safe knowing I will protect her best interests."

I stood, face beet red. "Thank you, Uncle. I will follow your wishes."

He nodded once and then eyed Hee. "As a proper Korean girl should." He opened up his arms to us. "Now come give your uncle a hug. I must be at work soon."

Hee was first. She received a hug and a kiss on the forehead. Then it was my turn. He held me by the shoulders at first. "You have made me very proud this morning, Niece. Your meal was excellent and your manners made me wish for old times again." He hugged me and kissed me on my forehead. "Now, off to temple for you both. There are things to do today."

When Hee shut the door she turned around and leaned against it. "I love the man, but sometimes he can be so old fashioned."

I almost laughed, but Hee was smiling too much at me. "What?"

"Nothing," she said wistfully.

I didn't believe her for a moment, but I set it aside for now. "Sam must be wondering where we are."

Her face showed her amused doubt. "Sam is wondering where you are at, not me."

That may be true, but she didn't have to know that I knew. "Uncle wants me to quit my job and do volunteer work." I thought that would change the subject if nothing else would. I was right. I think Hee's eyes were going to bug out.

"But… but…" she stopped and then grimaced in sadness. "He is right. You will be very well known very soon. It would not be proper for you to be working on anything other than the good of our people."

I beamed at that. "You consider me Korean now?"

Hee nodded and leaped forward to kiss me on the cheek. "You may not have been born there, but right at this moment, you are more Korean than I am." She stopped talking and looked at what I was wearing. "We have to get you some better tops. Everyone will want to see your Yantra, and you do not want to be stripping every five minutes."

"Later." Although I agreed that shopping was always good, I needed to get going.

She shook her head. "Well let me get you something else of mine for today, at least."

I nodded to appease her. Taking off my button down on the way to her room, I watched as she sifted through the massive amount of clothes she had, until she looked back at me and then grinned. Hee held out another backless top that I hadn't seen before. It was basically a triangle of cloth that really didn't cover much of anything.

"Hee, I can't wear this!"

"Take your crop off and let me show you. Your chest is smaller now; it will fit."

After setting the button down on her bed I wiggled out of the crop top and my bra. Hee looked at my breasts with a pleasant smile. "You are very beautiful, Cho. I am very happy for you."

I felt a slight urge to cover myself, but Hee didn't make me ashamed of my body. She appreciated it. She sighed to herself, I'm sure Hee thought she was quiet , but I heard it. Then she helped me into the top. It did cover more than I thought, but I still felt half naked.

Hee adjusted several cross strings on my back and then tied it off so that it was secure. "Perfect."

I'm so glad it was summer. If I had to wear this during in cold weather, then I would be one big goosebump.

On the way to the temple a number of the older people waved at us. I didn't know if it was because they saw two Korean girls or if it was because they knew about me already. Surely Sam wouldn't have said anything to anyone just yet, not until he knew for sure that I was going to stay like I was.

The oddest thing about biking there today? I was wearing a tampon. That's what!

I still was in limbo for the ramifications of that little factoid. Now I can get pregnant and have a baby. Can you see the look on the doctor's face when he, or she, went down below to catch the baby? 'Nurse, scalpel.'

Another thing I noticed, remember that little thing I used to do to Hee when we biked? The holding back thing, so I could watch her? Now, she was doing it to me. It didn't take much to realize that my kiss and confession to her that morning had sent her mind into pro-Cho contemplation. All the better for me!

Then I started to wonder if I told her about the added, or rather the left over portion of me that was still between my legs. That might be a deal breaker. With a annoyed sigh I decided to not flirt until she was made aware. If I do it properly I could probably let her and Sam both know at the same time.

A quick visual flashed before my eyes of Hee laying before me, my mouth about to dip between her legs, and Sam behind me…

"What are you thinking about?"

I jerked a little causing my bike to wobble. "Sorry?"

Hee giggled. And pointed at my breasts. "You have to be careful now about naughty thoughts, Cho. They show up much quicker if you are not wearing a bra."

And there they were, straining against the silk of the top. My nipples. "It must be the silk rubbing against them. It feels nice."

She giggled again. "Keep telling yourself that." We carried on for another block before she asked me another question. "Was I there?"

My face heated up drastically after that.

"Hi Sam," Hee sing-songed.

Before I even had a chance to bow, Sam beat me to it, which was a first. Usually it's the general public that has to bow first to the monks. I bowed back and then saw Sam's eyes travel the length of my body. He caught himself once he made it to my breasts, and rapidly turned to Hee and returned her bow.

I was just ogled by a monk. Grandfather! That was what the dream was about! Sam and Hee! Oh nonono. Grandfather made it perfectly clear I was to… oh, nonono. It was just a dream. That's all it was. A perfectly normal dream that people have when they were asleep. It didn't mean anything other than that I was attracted to both of them. There was no way I was going to tell Sam that I had a dream about Grandfather telling me to tell him to leave the temple and jump in my bed, along with Hee so we all could become 'one'.

There would definitely be no little bears and no honey involved. Not that it wouldn't be nice, but it would definitely be bad and very un-monk-like.

"Come, come inside, we have much to talk about," urged Sam.

The monks were in the middle of the temple doing their chanting/meditating thing, so we went down into the basement level to the room Grandfather and I used the day before.

"Your transition is complete, Cho-Ri?"

I nodded. "Almost all girl now." I thought that was about as good of an opening as I was going to get.

Sam's look of confusion set off Hee's and they both said, simultaneously, "Almost?"

Hee was the first to lay on with the questioning. "I thought…"

I quickly shook my head. "I still have… it."

"But…"

I shook my head again. "I have that too."

"Both?!"

Sam was lost. "What are you two talking about."

Hee was about to explain the whole menstrual thing. Don't ask, I just knew. So I cut her off. "Chang-Ngo has blessed me with both sexes."

It actually took Sam a few seconds to figure that one out, but eventually he did and his eyes dropped right to my crotch.

"Yeah, both." He didn't stare long, and I couldn't tell what his look signified either. It could be good or bad. Why aren't monks more expressive, and why to they shave their heads? Does the hair prevent them from finding perfect harmony or something? I can just see the first monks sitting there, Ohmming. 'Dammit I almost had it! If it wasn't for this shaggy hair of mine I would have found true enlightenment! I wonder if Sally is working this weekend at the salon so she could shave it off.' They did have salons back when this whole monk thing started, right? What a nightmare that would be if they didn't. Dozens of shaggy-haired guys milling around with nothing but some clippers and a razor. Straight guys trying to cut hair? Pah-leeeese.

"Cho-Ri?"

"She does this all the time, Sam. It is nothing new."

"Pardon? What?" I replied.

"You were zoning off again, Cho."

"Sorry, um, contemplating achieving enlightenment," I made up on the spot.

"Really?" Sam sounded a little too eager.

"No, not really. Not unless it involved a shampoo and a style at Sharon's in the mall."

Hee bounced once on the balls of her feet. "Oh, I could see that. They give really good shampoo." I nodded in agreement.

Why was Sam holding the bridge of his nose? I wonder if he had a headache.

I reached into my purse. "I have Midol if it'll help."

He looked at the bottle for a moment. "Why do you have Midol?"

I winced. Ugh, and I thought I had deftly stepped over that issue. "Cramps." He really didn't get that one, so I had to explain further. "Apparently I'm fertile and the plumbing is in fine working order."

Speaking of which, I had to adjust my stance. I don't care what the damn commercials say. I don't feel like playing volleyball, or jogging, or even diving, because there is a wad of absorbent material growing like a lotus blossom with each passing moment, in my new vagina! And it's annoying! Don't think I don't see the symmetry of the lotus blossom, the new vagina, and being in a Korean temple. Who says I'm an airhead?!

Hee snapped her fingers in my face. "You are drifting again."

If I didn't know Sam any better, I'd think he was contemplating asking if he could see the new plumbing. Why yes you can, just give me a few days and…

"It is truly a blessing."

Oh… he was thinking about Chang-Ngo. Well, it was her work. Kudos to her.

Sam shook himself out of the mental fog he was envisioning. "I almost forgot. Elder Ho left something for you, Cho-Ri."

That brought me out of my thoughts, and into total clarity. "He did?"

He turned and went over to a table in the corner then returned with a really, really big book. I mean really big. Like something you'd see in an Indian Jones movie, not like Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix big. That was more thick than big. Okay, I think you get my meaning by now.

"He left me a book?"

Sam shook his head. "It is your book. Elder Ho said I was to go into storage and find a certain box. Within the box was something that would be useful to you. He said to tell you to include your life until now, and then whatever you thought would be useful to others afterward. He stressed that it was very important, and that I should inscribe the cover with your Yantra tattoo and a proper title. By the description I already surmised it was something similar to this, but I had… " He shook his head. "Cho-Ri, this is something that we have for those of us that are truly gifted in a spiritual way. It is a way to record knowledge for future generations."

I almost started to back up, but I could feel Hee's hand at the small of my back, supporting me.

"It's a mistake." I said, and my voice trembled. "I'm nobody. I'm not spiritually gifted. I think stupid thoughts. Really! Ask Hee."

Sam took another step toward me. "Cho-Ri. It is those of us that think little of our gifts that are truly the ones that the gods want us to know. You cannot deny that you have been gifted by Chang-Ngo, can you?"

I swallowed, and then barely shook my head.

"Then take this gift and fill it with yourself."

There was no way I'd be able to haul that big honking thing around. "It's too big."

It was lame, I know. I was reaching for any excuse not to take the thing. Then I saw what was written over the Yantra. I stepped forward and ran my hand across the beautiful script.

The Tao of Cho-Ri Beloved of Chang-Ngo

"This is for you alone, Cho-Ri." Sam said in reverence. "No one is to read the contents until you choose to release them, or upon your death."

I looked up into his deep brown eyes and felt the compassion he had for me.

"This will be your room in the temple. No one will be allowed in here unescorted by you. If you choose to live here then it is at your disposal. You may come and go as you wish."

My bottom lips sucked into my mouth and I bit down lightly with my teeth. "I'm not Buddhist, Sam."

He smiled at me in understanding. "We teach three philosophies here, Cho-Ri. Buddhism, Confucianism, and Taoism. They are the three Korean beliefs that are not taught in this region. We are here for the community, not for ourselves."

We all stood there while I tried to make my decision. I knew what Uncle would say, and I was already bound by my word to follow this path. Looking back at Hee as she supported me, we exchanged a gaze and then I turned back to Sam.

"Put the book down Sam, it has to be heavy."

He shook his head slightly. "It is my burden to bear until it is passed to you."

Stubborn monks, stubborn men. "Then I accept, provisionally, until I have thought about this some more. I will give you my final answer later today."

I saw him look at me with more stubbornness in his eyes, and then a quick glance at Hee, like something passed between them. He then turned and walked over to the table to set the book down. I don't know if it was just my imagination but I could almost hear the groaning of the wooden legs as he sat it down. Whether that was from the weight of the book or its significance as a weight on my shoulders, I didn't know at that time.

Thinking it best to try to change the subject, I moved to a different topic. "Uncle said that I was supposed to do community service and learn from you."

Sam took is prompt. "Serving your community is always best, no matter what you chose to do with your life. Did you have anything specific in mind?"

I shrugged my shoulders, but Hee had an idea. "Perhaps the youth center?"

Her hand brushed across the small of my back, and sent a shiver up my spine. She moved to where I could see her and looked at me hopefully.

The youth center was located in the park at Hedwig Village, our community. It's where Hee would take me in the afternoon, as younger teens. But there was a problem with that idea. "What about Robert Song." Who's he? The bane of my existence.

From the age of thirteen, when I started to hang around with Hee, he pounded me. I was the gay white boy that had no business infecting Hee with my whiteness. It only took once for him to get caught and punished. Then he was more careful. He waited until after school, in gym class, when I was riding my bike to Hee's house, whenever I was alone. I would show up with mysterious bruises and abrasions. Nothing to awful, just painful. The youth center was the final straw.

I went there one summer afternoon to look for Hee, and Robert was there with his friends. Friends, more like gang. They had cornered me and his friends wouldn't let me go until I came to an understanding about associating with Hee. This is where being like water really sucks. I wouldn't fight back. I wouldn't give him an excuse to hit me harder than before, but he did anyway. The one thing I would not do was give up my friendship with Hee.

So I was pounded until I bled.

Hee deferred to Sam for this one.

"In a few hours we have Sunday service. We will inform everyone as to your new status. If Robert Song touches you from that point on then he will be expelled from the community."

Yeah, Sam knew too. He was the one that found me on the way home. I had stopped to rest at the temple and he patched me us as best he could. Even now I could see the anger behind his eyes in remembrance. The thing was, I didn't think monks were supposed to get angry.

"Would you care to stay for the service?"

I looked down and then over to the book on the table. "I'd like to think for a while if you don't mind."

He bowed deeply to me without a second thought, like I had just dismissed him. I reached out my hand and lay it on his forearm. "Sam, why are you bowing to me first? This is the second time you've done this."

His lips pressed together like he had to admit something that he knew I wouldn't like. "Cho-Ri, you are the chosen of Chang-Ngo, whether you choose to accept it or not. It would be disrespectful of me not to bow to you, and disrespectful to Chang-Ngo for the same reason."

I started to protest, but I knew he would hear nothing more of it. He left it at that and departed the room with me and my hanging mouth left behind.

"I told you."

My face bunched up in annoyance. "Hee, this is too much. I'm not a holy woman or something. Can women even be monks?"

She nodded. "You are not Buddhist though. So, I do not think you have to worry about that."

I sighed with relief. "Good, 'cause I'd look awful in those outfits."

Hee leaned in and kissed my cheek. "You go think. I will return for service and we can talk after."

With a nod I watched as she left the room, my room. When I looked around I noticed it hadn't changed much, just the appearance of the table and the book. I went over to take another look at it. It looked to be two feet in length, and slightly less than that in width. It was the depth that was daunting. That sucker had to be four or five inches deep. Upon opening it I skipped the first blank page. It was more like thick parchment than regular paper.

The table it was sitting on was tilted. My guess was, that it was a raised writing desk, because the single drawer it had was filled with bottles of ink and several brushes. I picked one up and examined it. From what I knew of Korean characters, they were painted on with calligraphy brushes, much like what I was holding in my hand. Setting the brush down I withdrew a bottle of ink and opened it.

It was ink. Yep.

Hee's hand broke me from my thoughts.

"Cho?"

I was bent over the book, writing, in Korean script. The filled page stared back at me and the brush I was holding fell from my hand, clattering to the desk below.

"How long have you been…"

She didn't get the chance to finish her sentence before I scrambled backward, away from the table, the book, and whatever had possessed me to write in it.

It was Sam that I ran into. His strong hands prevented me from falling to the floor when my knees gave out. Several other people were in the room looking at me. Most of them were wearing robes of the monks, and I recognized several faces. Others were older people that I had seen in the neighborhood, dressed in their regular clothes. All of them were looking at me in a way that made me very uncomfortable.

"What happened?" I squeaked out.

"You were in a trance, Cho-Ri." Sam said with a trace of concern. "Most of us tried to get your attention. All failed until you finished your last page and Hee-Shin tried."

"Last page?" I swallowed, my mouth was dry and my throat tight. "How… how many…"

Hee turned from where she stood and leafed through a number of pages that were folded over. A minute later and she looked over her shoulder at me. "Twenty-three."

My knees gave out and I felt cold. Sam lifted me in his arms and looked at me with the compassionate face the I always felt comfortable with. "You must rest now, Cho-Ri. I will watch over you."

I was in the glade again, surrounded by cherry blossoms. The wind was cool this time, but I was dressed in a floor to neck set of white robes which billowed down my arms which kept me warm. In the glade I felt safer than I'd ever felt before, which was why I was spinning around and laughing like an idiot.

When I realized I wasn't alone I stopped and took in the person that was standing on the edge of my sanctuary. He was taller than I was, but not by much. Asian, but I couldn't place his origin. Really, really, out of time. The robes he wore looking like something I'd seen in pictures somewhere of ancient Asian rulers.

"Who are you?" I inquired with great curiosity.

His hands were held perpendicular to his body, but in the sleeve of the other so that they were hidden. His hair was black and white and his Fu Manchu mustache hung down almost past his chest.

"I have had many names, Cho-Ri-Yuqing-Lao-Ling-Ngo, some you might recognize if I told you, some you would not."

Okay, mister avoidance it is. "Why are you in my glade?"

He looked around and smiled slightly. "This is a manifestation of your subconscious. It is where you feel the most safe and serene. It also serves as a meeting ground between those you serve and yourself."

"I serve you? I thought I served Chang-Ngo."

He nodded once. "You serve all of us, young Cho. It is true that your first contact was through Chang-Ngo, however she is not the guiding force in your life."

My head cocked to the side. "Tao is my guiding force, if I understand it correctly."

He smiled again at me. "Which is why you were chosen."

I shuffled a little on my feet, nervous about what I was going to be told. "Chosen for what?"

"Stiff and unbending is the principle of death. Gentle and yielding is the principle of life."

I nodded. "Grandfather said that, before."

"Tao is a principle that is in need of yielding. You are the newest custodian of the Sacred Book, Cho-Ri-Yuqing-Lao-Ling-Ngo, as I was, and as those before me were."

I wasn't feeling so safe and serene in my glade anymore. "What does that mean?"

"You are to be the vessel from which we speak. Occasionally, we will inspire you as we have done this morning. You must not fear, for we will not harm you. Whenever you take up the brush and the Sacred Book, we will become one for a period of time. Then you must take these teachings and live them as you already live your life."

I turned around and looked for a way out of the glade, but the trees seemed to have grown thicker while I wasn't looking.

"I don't want to do this. Please don't make me."

He smiled serenely to me again. "Calm yourself, Cho-Ri. There is no making you. You are already made. You already live your life according to the forthcoming Tao Te Cho. It is why you were chosen. All we ask is that you tell others of your way. Show them your compassion and your balance."

The mattress was soft and the covers warm. A spicy incense hung in the air, and someone was muttering next to me.

I opened my eyes and saw Sam sitting there in a meditative position. His lips were moving, and I could barely hear anything coming from his mouth. Bunching the blanket up in my hand, I rubbed an itch on my nose and spoke.

"Sam?"

His eyes popped open and he smiled at me. "Cho-Ri. Have you rested well?"

I nodded. "Thank you for watching me."

"It was a great pleasure to do so." Unfurling his legs, he stood up with liquid grace and bowed to me. "Would you care for some tea?"

I nodded again. "Thank you."

Ten minutes later he returned to the room, and I forced myself out of the bed to join him at the pillows on the floor. This time it was he who made the tea and served me. It was uncomfortable to be in this position, as an elder or highly respected person. I was just me, no better or worse than any other.

"Would you like to talk about what happened?" he asked as he was pouring my cup.

I watched at the translucent green tea fell from the pot. "I remember picking up a bottle of ink, and then the next thing I knew, Hee was there."

He nodded once in understanding. "You were in your room for almost five hours, unattended. After the service was complete I returned to see if you had made your decision, and found you completely immersed in the book, unresponsive. I even took away your ink and you opened the drawer to get more, like I wasn't even there."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't aware."

He shook his head. "That is not important. I went to gather the elders and civilian ruling board that were in attendance to witness your state. Each, in turn tried different things to break your trance. That is when Hee-Shin arrived. She told us to wait until you finished your current page. Then she intervened."

I sighed as Sam held out my cup for me with two hands, yet another show of respect. Taking it, I sipped to quench my thirst. "I had a dream."

Sam sipped at his cup and waited for me to elaborate, like it was going to be some great mystical vision that I was to impart to him.

"I was in a glade, surrounded by cherry blossoms and a man approached me. He said that he went by many names, but I recognized him from somewhere."

He nodded in understanding.

"He called me Cho-Ri-Yuqing-Lao-Ling-Ngo, and said that I was the new custodian of some Sacred Book, and…"

Sam actually dropped his cup. He looked down at the mess with blank eyes, like he didn't know how that happened. Then he backed up, clear of the spilled tea, and while he was on his knees he bent his forehead to the floor.

"Um, Sam? What are you doing?"

I set my tea aside and taking one of the towels, mopped up the spilled tea. That's how Hee found us. She pulled the curtain to the room aside and saw Sam on his knees, prostrate before me, and me picking up the shards of the broken tea cup.

"You're awake!"

Smiling up at her I nodded. "Hey Hee."

She entered the room and looked at Sam. "Why's he doing that?"

"I dunno. He won't tell me."

He finally turned his face to Hee. "She is the manifestation of the Grand Pure One. The Universally Honored One of Tao and Virtues. Kneel!"

Hee gave me the big gigantic hairy eyeball for that comment.

"Nobody's kneeling. Stop with the kneeling, Sam. Get up."

"I cannot." He responded. "It wouldn't… I wouldn't…"

"Hee, what's he talking about?"

She shrugged her shoulders at me. "I have no idea. I'm a Buddhist."

"Sam, get up." Okay, quit fighting him and bend around him, Cho. "You said I am this manifestation, right?"

He nodded from his prone position.

"Is it some kind of law maker or something."

"It is he that enters the mortals on Earth and dictates the way we are to live."

Aha! "Okay, here's me dictating. As of now there will be no more putting your head on the floor when I am around."

He had to think about that one for a second. I knew he was going against everything he was taught, and trying to accept that what I was saying was the new way we were doing things. He chose to listen to me, at least this time.

"There, that's better." Looking up at Hee I held out my hand. "Pull up a pillow."

She did so, and I managed to convince Sam to return to his.

"Now, that's out of the way, here's what we are going to do." I checked to make sure I had their attention. "This doesn't leave this room. I don't need people throwing themselves on the ground everywhere I go, okay?"

They nodded.

"I will continued to do my thing. I'll write in the book, and when it's finished we'll deal with that then, when the time comes."

"As you wish, Honored…"

"Stop!" I held up a hand. "I'm not an honored anything. From what the guy in my dream told me, I'm me unless I'm writing in that book. So, I'm still the same half boy-half girl I was this morning." Okay, that sounded way more sane in my head. "We're putting all of this aside and moving on with our lives." I pointed at Hee. "No telling Uncle."

She grinned at me.

"What of the elders?" asked Sam.

I shrugged. "Let them believe what they want until I am through."

He nodded. "Will you be writing in the Sacred Book any more today?"

My eyes hooded over. "No, being possessed, by some funky Taoist god, once a day is my limit."

"Would you like me to add your new name to the Sacred Book?"

I blinked at him over that one.

"You have a new name?" asked a confused Hee."

"She has joined the line of holders of the Sacred Book and has been granted their names as well," explained Sam.

"That's where they came from?"

"What is it?" Hee asked.

" Cho-Ri-Yuqing-Lao-Ling-Ngo. I assume Ngo was added after the goddess."

I frowned at Sam. "Well, I'm still Cho-Ri to you, mister. And I'd really like it if you would just shorten it to Cho."

"I couldn't." he replied, almost in horror at the thought.

"What if I took you to my bed?" Okay, I said that playfully… well mostly.

"Cho!" squealed Hee.

I looked at her and cocked my head. "You are welcome to join me too, Hee."

Sam rose from his pillow. "Cho-Ri, I have taken a vow of celibacy. I am forbidden from…"

"No, you're not. You forget who you're talking to, Sam. Balance in life. Cementing yourself in one direction is to bring on stagnation. You must experience life if you are to find your balance. Denying yourself the simple pleasure of release is not healthy for you, in body or in spirit. It is Tao."

Hee was bug-eyed at my frankness. Truthfully, so was I. Maybe it was left over from the dream, or possession, or maybe even another gift from Chang-Ngo. What I did know was that I was tired of hiding my feelings from them both. It was eating at me, so I let it go into the stream.

"This goes for you as well, Hee. Hiding your sexuality from Uncle is the same as lying to him. If you are interested, we can tell him tonight. I will stand beside you."

Her face reddened. "I cannot."

I took a breath and released it. "Are you interested in me as a partner, Hee?"

She looked over to Sam and cringed a little and then back to me. "I think so."

Nodding once I grinned. "I am interested in you as well. Sam, are you interested in me as a partner also?"

He opened his mouth to say something and then shut it again, only to try once more. "I am."

"Good. Then we are agreed."

Sam gulped. "I must leave the temple. I cannot be a part of it and not remain celibate."

That troubled me. The temple was his life, and I was effectively destroying that. "If you choose to leave then you will find a home with us. But how about if you were to just change disciplines?"

"What do you mean?"

Here goes nothing. "Would you like to be the first monk of the Tao Te Cho? Or maybe you could pursue your art? Do what you want to do, what makes you happy."

He dropped to the floor, well, not in a collapsed way, more of a, 'I have to get off my feet or fall down,' way.

"But the monk robes have to go. I prefer my monks to wear something nicer, maybe in red spandex." Hee smacked my arm and I laughed. "Hey! You're hitting an honored something-or-other!"

She pointed at me. "You said to treat you like we normally did. You cannot back out when you act like a teenage girl."

"But I am a teenage girl!"

"I cannot believe you just did that."

"Did what?"

Hee waved back at the temple. We had left our bikes there and chose to walk across the back way to the park, only one block over.

"You have been a very quiet and non-confrontational girl all these years, and just thirty minutes ago you invite Sam and I into your bed like it was nothing."

I took Hee's hand in mine and interlaced our fingers. "Hee, I've been in love with you for years. This wasn't a decision I made on the spur of the moment. I just didn't have the right body to satisfy you so I didn't even try, but now, for the most part, I am a girl. I was actually kind of nervous about not being entirely girl enough for you."

She pursed her lips slightly. "We will deal with that later. When it comes up…" she realized what she just said and rephrased. "When we… you know."

I stopped and turned to her. "When I take you to my bed and make love to you like I've wanted to since we met?"

She grinned at me and nodded quickly. We continued on and I watched as she looked really happy. "What about Sam. I do not know if I can share a bed with a man."

I shrugged. "Don't let it worry you, Hee. I'll want our first time to be with each other, just like I want Sam and I alone as well. If we reach a point where all three of us are in the same bed, then we will deal with it then."

She rolled her eyes. "How can you not think about it now?"

"Because it does no good worrying about the future. You can plan for it, but I find plans rarely turn out anywhere near what you envision."

She nodded in understanding. "What about Uncle?"

I smiled at that. "I gave Sam Uncle's card."

"Six hours, you have been a girl Cho. Six hours!"

"I know! What was I doing waiting for so long, right?"

I got the eye roll again.

The Park was typical of any park in America. Lot of freshly mown grass, and assortment of trees, benches, a playground for the kiddies, and a number of people out and about having fun on a hot summer Sunday. The youth center on the other side of the park was more Korean than anything else. I mean décor wise. Otherwise it had some pool tables, arcade games, ping pong tables, youth meeting rooms. Typical.

It was also where Robert Song chose to hold his kingly court. It hadn't been so much a youth center for the last year as it was a place for his gang to hang out. Oh, they were very careful to make it appear nice and cordial if there were any adults around. But if it was just kids, well then, you had to pay homage. Hopefully we could change that.

This is where me being Tao came into conflict with its teachings. Taoist's are by nature pacifists. Pacifists, by nature didn't like conflict, because conflict is what starts violence, which begets wars, thus defeating the whole purpose of being a pacifist in the first place. They don't like war.

Me? I see the point of conflict, I just go about it in a different way. My philosophy is apparently self-abuse. I wouldn't fight Robert. I would not lift a finger against him in violence, but I also would not stand by any longer while he abuses children to inflate his self-importance.

Case in point. Robert stands in front of the youth center, waited on by his subjects, five other boys, all in very good shape, all known for their fighting expertise. There was Billy Lee, he won all state in T'ai Chi his junior year in high school. Next to him, Chin Chang, he is the son of a local Tae Kwon Do master whose dojo lays only a mile away at the head of the subdivision. The rest are the same. Rich, with nothing to do with their lives. I have nothing against rich people. They, for the most part, earned their wealth. However in doing so, some of them neglected their duties to their family, and wound up producing children like these six.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Hee asked.

I nodded. "I want to play some ping pong. Don't you?"

She shrugged. "Not that badly."

I placed a hand over hers. "Don't interfere if he does something, Hee. I don't want you to be hurt."

Her lips thinned. "And you think I want you to be hurt?"

I conceded her point. "Okay, how about you stand by that tree over there. You can see everything that goes on, and if something bad happens then you can call one of the adults."

She still didn't like it, but she nodded her acceptance. I kissed her on the cheek. "Wish me luck."

When I approached the front walk I already saw Robert's eyes on me. In his defense I was wearing a very revealing top and pretty short shorts. I wouldn't begrudge a teenage boy his ogling. However when I made my way to the front door, his boys grouped and let Robert take the lead.

"Hey sexy, you new to the neighborhood?"

I shook my head. "No."

He licked his lips, I guess in a failed attempt to look sexy himself. "I ain't seen you around, mama. What say you an me go in here and get better acquainted."

Was he trying to sound cool? He was Korean, and he was trying to sound half Mexican and half redneck. Pick a culture!

"I just want to play some ping pong. I don't want to play with boys."

He shrugged and looked back at his gang. "Well, it's the price you gotta pay if you want to play."

"No."

"No?"

"No."

Billy Lee laughed. "I think she's got your number Robert."

That wasn't good. Now he was losing face in front of his friends.

"I think it would be best, Robert, if you take your friends and leave until you can behave in a civilized manner."

He made to grab my arm, but I instinctively twisted away at the last second. Now two of his friends laughed at him. He grabbed at me again, and I took a pivot step to avoid his grasp.

"Stand still!"

"No."

He looked around the area and I knew from the sneer that just appeared on his face that he didn't see any adults. Maintenance really needs to trim the hedges down to a respectable height. This time he rushed me to make a grab for both of my shoulders. I ducked under his grasp and spun around until I was behind him.

"Billy, grab her. "

Billy Lee, despite his reputation wasn't one to pick on girls. Boys were an entirely different matter. "Grab her yourself. She's just a girl."

Robert's face had taken a final hit. A girl had embarrassed him in front of his friends. He took a stance. He was through messing around. This time he was going to make me hurt. I was very familiar with that look, having seen it a number of times in the past.

I had maybe one chance.

"Robert, In the highest antiquity, people did not know their rulers. Soon they loved them and praised them, much like your friends here. Later they feared them, much like the children that suffer because of you. Very soon thereafter they despised them. Your time has come and gone, Robert Song. I give you one last chance to leave this place in peace."

Then and there I stood my ground. He whipped out a hand and struck me full on the jaw. Stars burst in my eyes and I hit the ground with a gasp. My jaw throbbed and I grabbed at it, wincing at the pain that I was well familiar with. I closed my eyes and took a breath before I stood and faced him again.

I saw his friend's reactions. They couldn't believe what he had done, or maybe they couldn't believe that I had allowed it to happen. I wasn't sure. I tased blood in my mouth, my lip was split.

"Robert, man." Billy Lee was through. "She's half your size." I wasn't really, but I was shorter.

I stood there and looked at Robert Song. "I will not leave. You will have to beat me like you do all the others. Shall we continue this?"

I blinked slowly and saw the shame in his eyes, but was it enough to get him to changes his ways, or was it too much and would it anger him even more. "Are you ready to be despised?"

Hee was on the job. It wasn't a moment later that there were several adults coming up the walk, but Robert hadn't seen them yet.

"You have walked the darkness of yang for too long, Robert. It is time to add the light of yin."

He blinked at me and took a step back.

"Stop!"

Robert came to a halt, as did the adults that were just about to grab him.

"You must make this decision, Robert."

He looked at his friends who weren't going to say a word, because of the adults standing behind Robert. He thought they had betrayed him, and now he was alone, beaten by a girl who didn't have to lift a hand in anger. He turned and ran straight into two young men who grabbed him.

I approached. "Let him go, please. He has made his choice."

One of the men really didn't want to. "He hit you, we have a witness. He's an adult now and …"

I held up a hand. "It's my choice. Let him go. His shame is his penance."

Turning around I approached Billy Lee. "And you Billy? What is your choice?"

"I didn't touch you," he responded. "None of us did."

I nodded. "True, but you stood by when you had the training and skills to stop your friend from abusing me and many children before me. What is your choice?"

He looked up at the assembled adults and then back to his friends. "Come on guys."

And thus they had a new leader. I hadn't changed anything. They did get up and leave, all except for Chin Chang. He still sat on one of the planters watching me.

"Who are you?" he asked, mystified.

I smiled at him. A sharp lance of pain burning at my lips. "I am water. Watch me change this mountain with the calm of my stream."

Hee and I played ping pong. She had retrieved a cold pack and I held it to my face to ease the swelling. I'd have a nasty bruise there by morning. Chin sat in the corner and watched me. He was especially interested in my Yantra Tattoo, whenever my back was turned. How did I know? Mirrors were all over. It was a sad attempt to make the room look larger.

When we left he followed. It was at quite a distance, but I felt his eyes on my back. Hee and I stopped by the temple to get our bikes. That is when he finally dredged up enough courage to approach. Hee nodded behind me and I turned.

"Hello, Chin."

"Hi." He looked at the temple doors with a feeling of unease, and then back at me. "Um, I was wondering."

"Yes?"

"I wanted to apologize for before. Nobody said anything to you, and you were right. We didn't do anything. We should have. I should have."

I nodded. "Thank you. Apology accepted."

He looked down, like he wasn't quite sure what to do next, fidgeting with his hands until he chose to stick them in the pockets of his jeans. "Would you maybe like to go out sometime?"

Why did I not recognized the signs? Well Uncle wanted the job, why not let him take the hit. I dug in my purse and pulled out another card. "My uncle has to approve the boys I date. Call him if you are interested." I smiled sweetly at him as he looked at me and then at the card. Maybe that would put him off. Not a lot of boys want to meet the parents, or parental figure in my case, right at first pop.

"Two boys on the first day. Uncle is not going to be bored with you around is he?"

I just smiled and hopped on my bike.

We were storing our bikes on the back patio at home when she added something else to the mix. "I'll share you with Sam, but not with Chin."

"You're lucky I'm having my cycle. Hee-Shin. Start counting the days."

Three days later and we had another morning visit from Uncle. Breakfast was already over, but I did offer him tea. The submissive house woman in me just wouldn't go away. I felt like a little kid whenever I was in his presence. Hee tells me the same. Maybe its just him. Once Sam visits I'll let you know if its all men that make me feel this way in the home.

He handed me a bank card. "This is for your needs, Cho-Ri, not for wanton spending."

I nodded. "Yes, Uncle. Thank you."

"Where is Hee, this morning?"

I frowned. I had insisted we be up front with Uncle about our impending relationship, but she still didn't want to disappoint him. "She's at the grocery picking up necessities."

His eyes narrowed at me. "She knew I was coming by today. What happened?" He soooo knew that something was up.

"Uncle, I am at a loss as to how to explain this."

He set his tea down and intertwined his finger in his lap. "The truth is usually best, Cho-Ri."

Well, he asked for it. "When Chang-Ngo gave me the gift of this body, not everything was changed… completely."

Uncle lifted his head and studied me. "You appear to be a normal girl. What is different?"

I cleared my throat to stall, but couldn't think of a more polite way to put it. "I possess both reproductive organs." Well, not in totality, but for the most part. Uncle didn't respond, but his eyes did flicker to my shorts. Not for long, but long enough. "Also, Hee and I are attracted to each other. I have always been attracted to Hee…"

"I thought you liked… men. That is the only reason I allowed you to live here."

I knew I should have just stuck with the current facts. "When I moved in here I moved my attentions to others. I knew you did not approve of a relationship with Hee because of my gender… ambiguity. I respected your rules and have followed them all. That is why I am telling you about our pending relationship."

He looked somewhat disgruntled, but respected that I was respecting him. "Is my niece... Does Hee prefer girls?"

I nodded once. "I believe so, she has never come out and told me this, but I can see that she is not interested in boys the same way other girls are."

"She knows of your difference?"

"Yes, I tell Hee everything."

He took in a deep breath. "What of these two men that you have given my card to. They have both called me and arranged a meeting. One I have already met and the other is Sam of all people."

He already met Chin? Holy crap!

"I'm not interested in Chin."

"Really? He comes from a very good family. His father owns the dojo off Echo Lane. He would make a good husband to you, giving you many children."

Marriage? He just wanted a date. And now I see the problem with letting Uncle supervise my dating card. He was old school Korean. That meant arranged marriages, dates with chaperones, and sex after marriage. None of which I was interested in at the moment.

"I am not ready for marriage at this time, Uncle."

"When would be a better time, Cho-Ri. You mustn't wait until you are thirty like these independent American woman."

I was an American woman! Well, sort of. However I saw through Uncle's scheme. He was diverting me away from a discussion about Hee. "I have duties at temple to consider."

Uncle crossed his legs. Now he was very interested. "Yes, I heard about what happened on Sunday. I was informed that afternoon. So you will join the temple after all?"

I shook my head. "I have no use for religion, Uncle. However I have been given a task by someone or something to write in a big book until it is through. It is not something I have much of a choice over. Sam is assisting me."

He raised an eyebrow at that. "Yes, Sam. Explain to me how a monk wants permission to court my niece."

"It's complicated. I had a dream."

"A dream?"

I nodded. "It was Sunday morning. I dreamt of Elder Ho and he bid me to perform certain tasks, one of which was to begin a relationship with Sam."

Uncle clapped his hands together. "There, I shall approve you seeing Sam, he is a well behaved young man." He seemed very happy at that point. It was a shame to burst his bubble.

"The other was to begin a relationship with Hee."

"Both…"

I nodded. "I know it is not conventional, Uncle."

"No, I forbid this."

I blinked. That was it? End of discussion? He picked up his tea and sipped at it, waiting for the next topic. That was exactly what he was doing. I stood up and crossed the room to set the bank card on the table beside him.

"Thank you for all that you have done for me, Mr. Shin. I will never forget your kindness and support." When I turned to walk to my room he stopped me.

"Cho-Ri!"

I turned around and clasped my hands together, looking upon him with neither anger or love, but with my contented face. "Yes, Mr. Shin?"

"What are you doing? He glanced at the back card and back up at me.

"I cannot go against my heart and the wishes of Elder Ho. And I cannot go against your wishes and remain in this house. Instead I will choose a different path where I can please all involved."

"Come back and take your seat, Cho-Ri. We are not through with this discussion." He said it in a matter-of fact tone and not as a demand, but I did not move. "Mr. Shin, it warmed my heart to be accepted into your family, but we both know that I am not related in any way. I am Chang-Ngo's. She has given me my heart's desire, and now I must repay that gift in kind. Her desire is for me to walk a certain path. I am doing so. So, I cannot allow tradition to stand in my way. It must bend and change as I do."

I smiled at the thought. "This is the third time this quote from the Tao Te Ching has been used in as many days, but it seems appropriate in so many situations. Stiff and unbending is the principle of death. Gentle and yielding is the principle of life."

"So, you give me an ultimatum, Cho-Ri?'

"No sir. I give you the reason that I am leaving. I respect you far too much to disrespect you. I don't want you to be disappointed in me, Unc… Mr. Shin, but my duty to my heart and to Chang-Ngo must take precedence over an outdated tradition of what is acceptable where love is concerned."

I bowed to him. "I meant no disrespect, sir. I will go and begin packing."

"Cho-Ri."

I turned back around and he was standing there. His eyes were glistening. "I have no children, and no living brothers. When Hee's father died I was heartbroken, but in return for that I was given a gift, a second chance with my niece. She was the reason we moved to America." Taking a couple of steps toward me he continued. "I wanted her to live in place where she was safe from harm, and to raise a family of her own. She is all that is left of my family name. It is my duty to make sure that she marry a strong fertile man that can give her many children."

At the look on my face he added more. "It may sound callous to an American raised person, but in Korea family is everything."

"I know, Mr. Shin. It's been embedded into my very soul by Chang-Ngo. That wasn't why I was frowning."

His brow knitted.

"I have already informed you that I am both boy and girl in that regard. If Hee and I work out, and if Sam and I work out, then you will have a very large family, with many children to pass on your name. Not to mention a very loving and moral family steeped in tradition."

He considered for a moment, but still looked torn. "You know Sam is a honorable and spiritual man, and you know Hee adores you, but feels conflicted about her sexual preference. Can you not see the ideal situation this is for you?"

"Uncle."

I spun in place to see Hee standing by the kitchen. She must have come in from the back door.

"Niece. You have heard what Cho-Ri desires for you."

She nodded. "Yes, Uncle." She crossed the floor and linked her arm in mine. "There is something that you have not considered, Cho."

Curiosity pulled at me. "What's that?"

"You are fertile as a female, we know this, but are you fertile as a male?"

Uncle looked concerned at that. The truth was that I wasn't sure. I hadn't even tested the equipment to make sure it produced anything as of yet.

"I'm sorry, Hee, Mr. Shin. I hadn't considered that. I just assumed."

Hee patted my arm. "I have considered it, Cho." She turned to her Uncle. "If Cho-Ri cannot give me children then I will accept Sam into my bed in her place. Would that be acceptable, Uncle?"

His lips pressed together. "I am not without feelings, you two. Do you love Sam, Hee?"

She shook her head. "I love my Cho, but I respect Sam, and I know Cho loves him. As long as she is with me I know we will be fine."

Uncle wasn't pleased, but he saw no way of making the situation any better than it was. "Very well. You must make preparations and plan the wedding, no later than this time next year."

Wedding? Um…

Hee squeezed my arm. I nodded to him. "As you wish, Uncle."

My honorific seemed to take a load off of his shoulders. "Then everything is as it should be."

I swallowed as he turned and picked up the bank card that I had returned. Once he crossed the room, and handed it back to me he took my hand. "I expect at the very least to have a traditional Korean wedding take place in this house. Is that acceptable?"

With a nod I said, "That is one tradition I have no problem upholding, Uncle."

He sighed with relief. "Good. I must go before another nerve racking decision must be made. My hair is white enough."

When he closed the door behind him I breathed a long held breath. "Isn't bigamy against the law in Texas?"

She shrugged. "It is not like I was going to be getting married to a man in the first place. We'll hold a ceremony for us and you can marry Sam to make it legal. As long as you are in my arms every night it will not matter to me."

"Think we should tell Sam any of this?"

She shook her head. "Probably not till later. He really does not know what he is getting himself into with us does he."

"The scary part is, I think he does, and I have to get you a ring."

"And propose, hello. Hey, why can I not get you a ring instead?"

I shrugged. "I guess you could. Does that mean you want to take the more masculine role in our relationship?"

"Nope. I just want to do things our way. Besides, you still have something down there that I do not."

"Good point."

I went to the temple that morning when Hee left for work. Making a commitment to stop by once a day to let myself be possessed for an indeterminate amount of time was starting to settle on me. Sam would always meet me soon after I arrived and escort me to my room. I didn't have to wait for him, but we made this a ritual of a sort. I knew it gave him great pleasure to do so, and who was I to deny him.

When we arrived in the room I started to head to the table to make myself comfortable when he stopped me.

"Your Uncle stopped by before he left for work."

I cringed a little wondering what Uncle said to Sam. Hopefully nothing about getting married. We hadn't even had a chance to go out on a date yet.

"Don't worry. He approved me. But he set a stipulation that I had to inform the monks and break my ties."

I took his hand. "It's for the best, Sam. You do a great job here, but I know there is more for you out there."

He shook his head. "I already told them two days ago. I am just staying on until my replacement arrives from Korea."

I grinned at the news. "So, you're officially not celibate anymore."

"I am free to explore my life as I choose, Cho-Ri."

A playful frown graced my face. "If you don't start calling me Cho, you'll stay celibate."

He cupped my face in his hands. "I'm going to kiss you now, Cho."

I swallowed and licked my lips. "Okay."

This was much different than kissing Hee. We had experimented on the couch with all of our clothes on one night, and then smartly chosen not to do anything until I was off my cycle. We almost didn't make it. But with Sam, I felt very tiny and very feminine.

When I dropped back down to the floor from the balls of my feet I felt like bouncing in little girl glee, and my body was humming along with my happiness.

"So, when do you get to leave?"

"Two more days. I have made arrangements to lease an apartment…"

I almost shook my head off my neck. "You can move in with Hee and me. Uncle has already approved!"

He looked at me oddly. "That doesn't make sense. He wouldn't have done that unless…"

Uh oh.

Sam saw my guilty face. "Is there something that you are not telling me, Cho?"

"Um, maybe?"

He could soooo tell that I was a big fibber. "The only reason your uncle would allow that to happen is if we had plans to marry."

I raised my eyebrows. "Well, I guess I better get to work. Lots of Tao Te Cho to write, you know."

"Cho-Ri-Yuqing-Lao-Ling-Ngo," he said firmly.

I winced. "You say that like it's a bad thing. I feel like I'm going to be spanked." Which, might not be a bad idea, now that I think about it.

He actually raised an eyebrow at me. Bald men shouldn't raise their eyebrow. It does weird things to their scalp.

"Sam, it's a long story that may or may not include you, me and Hee in a possible marriage in a possible future. Nothing is set in stone and Uncle knows this. We had a long talk about family this morning. He doesn't expect you to hop from one situation of servitude to another."

He smiled at me. "I would not consider being married to you, servitude, Cho. I would have just liked to have asked you on my own."

"Oh." I got a little nervous, but in a good way. "Um, we haven't even had our first date yet. Let's not rush things."

I think he liked me being nervous. It was an unfamiliar emotion to him to see from me. "I'll leave you to your meditations."

Sam was all smiles when he left. Which made me smile when I sat down, opened the bottle of ink, and sunk into nothingness.

Pondering about where I went when one of those Taoist gods took over my body was on my mind as I peddled home. From what I've read about Tao online, I suppose I might have gone to the oneness of the universe, whatever that was suppose to mean. Even knowing that there are beings out there that were capable of doing what they do still didn't compel me to make a religion out of what I had come to believe.

Religion has its place. But my life seemed to revolve around a philosophy instead. Chang-Ngo will have her gift in return for the one she bestowed upon me, but she will not rule me, nor will any of the others. I will live my life as I choose. If we happened to be walking the same path as the weird Fu Manchu dream guy implied, then so much the better. We all get what we want.

Looking forward to being with the girl I'd loved for so long was a dream come true for me, and being with the man I desired was as well. Would it end up in marriage? I wouldn't be opposed to the idea. In fact I'd wondered what it would be like to have a life growing inside of me. What would it be like to give birth to that life, and have him or her suckle on my breast. Perhaps the child would be like me. I wouldn't be unique then. Not that I mind being different. It's kind of nice, knowing that I have a chance to father a child and also be a mother to a child at the same time. Now that is balance. That is contentment. In the stream that is my life, I have taken many turns through the path of the mountain. Sometimes I was blocked, and I flowed around. Sometimes the rain came and I surged. Sometimes my path ended and I pooled. But at all times, I gave of myself to those in need, like the thirsty doe lapping at the edge of the stream.

Gentle and yielding is the principle of life. I have yielded, and taken upon me a task that might change those whose path intersects my own. I suppose I have also chosen the path of gentle life instead of its opposite. It is my way and soon to be the way of those I hold dear.

I hope you are proud of me, Grandfather.

Photo Credit: Lee Hyo Ri
Editing credit: Christelle (muaw)