I was wearing my favorite dangly earrings that looked like a tiny model of the solar system with only 3 planets. I had a three-quarter sleeved top that showed off my breasts that were small and yet seemed to fit my frame. I heard loud voices behind me and turned to see what the commotion was about and saw my mother and sisters coming toward me, shouting and pointing at me. I covered my face and yelled nooooooo.

I was floating. At least in my bunk and only as far as the restraining sheet would allow. I suppose that the transport was in between powered flight and docked at the end of the sky bridge. I should have been asleep but the dream that visits me whenever I am fearful, uncertain, looking into the abyss or otherwise about to set out on a journey to into the unknown had launched me from sleep to wide awake in an instant. I was in line at some sort of small eatery. I looked at my reflection in the mirror behind the counter and was pleased. My short-ish, boy-ish hair had a single curl that outlined my right eye. My makeup was a retro-look with deep red lips and well defined eyes. I was wearing my favorite dangly earrings that looked a tiny model of the solar system with only 3 planets. I had a three-quarter sleeved top that showed off my breasts that were small and yet seemed to fit my frame. I was wondering why my order was taking so long. I heard loud voices behind me and turned to see what the commotion was about and saw my mother and sisters coming toward me, shouting and pointing at me. I covered my face and yelled nooooooo.

I always wake up at the same place, just when my family confronts me with questions about why I look like a girl, what is wrong with me? Don’t I know how this looks? Don’t I know what people will say? What it will do to the family?

That’s when I run from sleep. I fussed around my compartment and organized my things. I put them, as per the instructions on the hard cases, in the indicated slots, shut the bags and re-checked the nametags. Evans, W. L./ T.I./ B.I. 2051/ Co. D./ Camp Lang. At 05:30 ship time the vid-panel on the compartment door lit up and announced “Recruit Evans stand by to debark. Follow the color coded guide lights to the coach for descent to the surface.” It was time to take the final steps from the civilian rat-race to the life-and-death business of being a bottom rung member of the Federation Space Forces on Smithson. I ‘knew’ what I was getting into, at least at the level of an outsider but I was about to find out the on-the-ground reality. I was willingly going to subject myself to the tests and trials that I hopped would let me find out just who I was and what I could be. Looking back, I really had no idea just how much I would learn about who I am and what I could do.

Hurry up and wait. I think I read or heard somewhere that this is the most fundamental, most common part of every military since the formation of first company of cavemen. It has not changed. We waited in the couches in the lounge as we slid down the carbon cable from orbit to the surface. We waited for transport to the base. We waited in the auditorium until the officers came in and told us what we were going to do today and for the next year. It turns out that I cherish waiting, now I long for a few minutes of down time. Who knew?

Funny enough, the first thing the FSF wanted to know was just who I was, what I knew and what I could do. I hoped that in the process I might find out too. First came the demographics. I found myself standing in only my skin in a cylinder being scanned and measured: Recruit Trooper William Lee Evans, 60 Kg, 190 Cm (130lb/6’3”). I looked at the ghost of my reflection in the walls of the cylinder. I looked even thinner than I was in a mirror; more like my mental body image. My male parts were so small and had retreated so much due to the chilly temperature as to be missing altogether. No wonder I had an identity problem. Every night in assessment center the Dream was a frequent visitor. I was glad to have a room to myself.

I found that I was medically in good shape. I found out (already knew) that I was more emotive, creative and intuitive than 90% of the human male population. I found that I was only as strong as the weakest 10% of the human male population (I already suspected this). The test revealed that I could learn and come to grips with difficult and unusual concepts, although I thought my early education assessments would have shown that.

The psychological inventories and interviews were exhausting. Of course the game is to only show those traits and tendencies that put you in the best possible light (really, I’m not crazy or a psychopath) and their task is to see through the obfuscations. All I could hope was that I didn’t come out looking like two people.

After 20 days of this analysis apparently I was deemed useful to the FSF and given a seat on an atmospheric transport to Camp Cynthia Ling, a small piece of hell on Smithson.

“What is it? It doesn’t have big boobs but it looks like a girl!” came from a boy who was talking to his pack of three thugs who laughed and pushed and punched each other in the arm. ”She’s got a nice body and really long legs. I think she wants it doggy style” he said.

I ignored him. I kept my head still as I swept what I could see with my eyes looking for the best direction to get away. If I could get a few steps on them I thought I could get away.

“I wonder if it’s a deaf mute? I wonder if it just needs some of this?” he said as he grabbed his crotch.

I pulled my feet under my knees, grabbed a couple of hands-full of dirt and got ready to run.

“Is there a problem miss?” asked a voice from someone I couldn’t see.

“I hope not” was all I could say and turned around to find a Municipal Peacekeeper and Cho standing behind the thugs.

“Why don’t you fellows move on to somewhere other than the park?” suggested the peacekeeper.

“Thank you officer,” said my sister. “I saw those four watching us the last time we ran through this part of the trail.”

We finished our workout and as we walked home I said “I’m sure glad the officer stopped those jerks before they got a chance to do anything.”

“I saw them coming our way and while you were working on the bars, I went looking for a peacekeeper and luckily found one coming into the park” said Cho.

“Do I look like a girl?” I asked

“Well, with your hair in a pony tail and those loose sweats, you do look more girlish than guyish. But for you I don’t think that’s a bad thing,” she said

“What do you mean? I’m a guy aren’t I?” I said

“Yes, but I think inside there’s a lot of girl in you,” said Cho.

I didn’t say anything in response, just thought back on our days when we were all girls together playing in our yard.

Did really want to be a girl? Was I unhappy being a boy? I couldn’t work out my feelings in answer to my question. I did envy my sisters curvy bodies; mine was like a stick figure. I found the parts hanging between my legs a bother, except when I gave my self pleasure, but my sisters could do that too and didn’t have thing flopping around where they could get hurt.

I realized several things that day. I had to pay attention to my surroundings or I could be seriously injured. I didn’t want to turn into a typical ego-on-legs male and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a woman but I was more attracted to them than to guys. I might be somewhat sexually attracted to guys.

Maybe if I went out into the universe and pushed myself I would find out who and what I really am.

Be careful what you wish for.

I was heartbroken when mom made me stop wearing my girls clothes when I went out of the house. She told me that other people would get mad at me for not looking and acting like a boy should. It is interesting how a few words from someone you love and look up to for guidance and protection can affect your life.

Our “house” on base held 40 troops: 22 females and 18 males. I had never seen so many geeky, skinny people in one place. It was like all of the guys leftover from a dozen pick-up flag-tag games decided to show up in one place. The funny thing to me at the time was that all of us, male and female, were of similar body type. Another thing was that there wasn’t the male-female tension that you might expect when so many bodies share minimalist living conditions. After the first week we all had seen plenty of each other in our underwear and believe me there wasn’t much to see. The largest breast was a modest B cup. The largest “package” could have been mailed in a small manila envelope.

We were all from human settlements: Earth, Mars, Luna, New Hope, Stewart, Persia and the Lagrange habitats from several systems. All of us came from near 1G planets so there wasn’t much difference in our nascent physical abilities. The drill instructors set about changing that. We ran and walked and ran and swam and ran and pushed-up and ran and pulled-up and ran and slithered and ran and crawled and ran. I have never before or since expended so much energy, consumed so many calories and physically changed so little.

Next we entered close confinement conditioning (CCC) A.K.A. the tubes. We thought we were turning into human hamsters because we spent so many hours crawling through tubes of varying sizes from those that you could walk in to those that you had to inch-worm through with your arms stretched out like you were diving into a pool. To make things more interesting, as we became faster (hamsters?) humsters, the tubes became mazes and we had to get through them in groups rather that as individuals. About the time you felt you got the hang of things, “variations” were introduced: blinding light to total darkness; cold that went from freezing to 1st degree burns; 0G to 3G oriented apparently randomly. This was not a place for the claustrophobic. We lost five of our number due to the tubes.

Of course we were not physically ready for these types of activities. At first I thought the pain would kill me outright. That’s when I really got to know my bunkmates. Sean claimed that he had been through some of this before and assured me that I would survive (I ha’m’doots). Suaad passed out vitamin C and herbal creams that revived us for another day. Surviving suffering builds trust and friendships and we begin to tell and listen to each other’s stories. Also the phrase you rub my back and I’ll rub your became a reality. It went beyond message therapy for the pain, knots and cramps. Being gently stroked, rubbed, caressed and brushed does wonders for the psyche. It kept me going when I wanted to run away — how could I do that to Suaad or Sean, they were depending on me as I depended on both of them.

One night just after lights-out, Suaad whispered: “Lee are you awake?”

“Yes, I hurt too much to get comfortable,” I whispered back.

“Would you rub out the knots in my back and legs? I’ll return the favor,” she whispered.

I slid out of my bunk and knelt down next to her bed.

“Do you have any thing to rub into your muscles?” I asked.

“Here, use this. I’ve been holding the tube next to me to warm up,” she said.

I squeezed some into my hand and then reached under her coverlet to start on her shoulders and back. I kneaded her shoulders and up and down her spine paying attention to her soft grunts and intake of breath.

“Now work on my legs,” she whispered.

I started with her butt and worked down to her feet and was rewarded with “Mmmms” of pleasure. I didn’t think anything of not finding any clothing getting in the way of my massage. After about 30 minutes of this I had rubbed her for top to toe.

“Get out of your shorts and lay on your front,” she said,

I did and she returned the favor. I somehow ended up in Suaad’s pants, I mean her underwear and she in mine. We both had SEGs (Sh.. Eating Grins) the next morning as we exchanged garments. I enjoyed sleeping in her panties, it reminded of childhood joys.

The hours when we weren’t doing PT, we were learning the rules, regulations, customs and history of the FSF and the Earth-based military that was its precursor. Oh yea, there was a lot of time learning-by-doing on how to make everything FSF clean and in FSF shape. It wasn’t enough to keep your own gear in FSF shape you had to keep an eye on every thing. The Drill Instructors went out of their way to find any reason to add extra PT or cleaning to everyone to drive home the message that we had to work together and figure a way to get everyone to pull together as well as pull their weight.

We started weapons training the second week, both armed and unarmed, with low and high tech tools to kill and maim. I wished that I had known some of the simpler unarmed techniques when I was in my early teens when I was the subject of guys who seemed to be looking for someone to use as contrast to prove their manhood. The contrast between the ancient hand-to-hand techniques and the super high tech smart weapon made for mental whiplash. Sean was 2nd best shooter and Suaad was tops in unarmed techniques. It turns out I have an affinity to edged weapons and sticks. We had 3 more dropouts who didn’t meet the minimum qualifications for weapons and unarmed combat.

We didn’t have any badass drill instructors all through boot training. We did have exacting taskmasters. They were effective at getting us to do what they wanted and only rarely had to raise their voice. We learned early on that happy, or at least not displeased sergeants, meant more time to recover from the extreme physical exertions.

I wasn’t visited by the Dream, I didn’t recall dreaming at all during the whole of boot camp.

D company, 2051 Instructional Battalion graduated 32 Troopers. Eight of our members left on their own or were injured and sent back into the training battalion. The rest of us were sent to specialization schools to learn how to use and maintain heavy weapons, communications, surveillance and field medical systems. The idea is that everyone should be qualified to operate at least two systems.
 

Galaxy Cluster MACS J0717

FSF Trooper Part 2.1 By JulieH 20091019 Thank you once again, Katherine Day for suggestion and editing.

 
 
The first night in the mountains I realized that we had not planned very well. We had covered about 25 Km and work up a sweat doing it. That night the temperature dropped below water’s freezing point and we ended up in joined sleeping bags bodies pressed together to conserve heat.

We moved into barracks that were arranged in two-beds per room and four rooms per bathroom/shower. There were two study stations with holo I/O and limited net connections. Sean and I had one room; Suaad and Jo Two-Trees, another survivor of 2051D, were in another. The troops in the other rooms in our quad were from 2051E, another boot company. The wall next to our beds could display images to provide some little bit personal decoration. I had set up a series of windows showing scenes from New Hope, my home planet. Sean had images from the mountains (he called them highlands) of Stewart.

For the next quarter one or two days per 5-day was spent in field problems in all sorts of terrain and the remainder in classes such as Xeno-Cultures, Comm Methods, Ships Systems and a nonhuman language. I got to learn Howler. That’s what we called the language of the m’Gock, one of the first xeno-cultures human-kind came across on our trip to the stars. They are warm-blooded, mammalian in that they give birth to live young. They are ambi-gendered: depending on the circumstances any m’Gock can gestate and deliver baby mGock. They look like giant Howler monkeys in clothes and jewelry. They are very even-tempered, gregarious vegetarians and specialize in first contacts. That’s why they were waiting for us when our first exploratory ship emerged from fold space.

For the first time since setting foot on Smithson, we had down time: 2 days (20 hrs) off every 8th day. I was anxious to keep in shape and hitched rides on hoppers into the range of mountains on the military reservation so that I could hike and camp in the thinner atmosphere. I asked for companions for my outings from our quad. Sean went with me for the first two times. He said the mountains reminded him of home.

The first night in the mountains I realized that we had not planned very well. We had covered about 25 Km and work up a sweat doing it. That night the temperature dropped below water’s freezing point and we ended up in joined sleeping bags bodies pressed together to conserve heat. I enjoyed the closeness and I thought Sean did as well because one of his hands was on my hip as we slept like spoons in a drawer. He was very quiet as we hiked back to our pickup point. I guessed that he wasn’t comfortable with our sleeping arrangements. I didn’t press him because I thought that he’d talk about it when he worked through it.

However on our second trip, Sean insisted that we pack warmer gear in separate bags.

Suaad and Jo joined me on the next hike, this time to a high desert area. I made sure that we had plenty of the right gear.

I planned for us to cover about 20 Km from the drop point to a crater lake where we would swim and hike around the lake before coming back to the pickup point the next evening.

We started off walking at an easy pace so that we could warm our muscles and stretch them before confronting the 300 m rise to the valley where we would camp.

“Should I call you William, Will, Bill, Lee or what?” asked Jo as we settled into a ground covering pace.

“That depends” I said “When I got called William I knew I was in trouble. My sisters called me Lee. No one has ever called me Will or Bill. I don’t care, just don’t call me late for chow.”

“Why don’t we use Lee like your sisters do?” Asked Suaad.

“That’s fine by me” I said.

Neither Suaad nor Jo had brothers but Jo had two sisters: one older one younger and Suaad four older sisters.

“Why do so many guys have sexy legs?” asked Jo.

“I think we worry our legs into strange shapes. Guys don’t think about theirs at all and they look great.” Said Suaad.

“Since I don’t shave my legs, I don’t spend much time looking at them or running my hands over them.” I said

“I could do that for you — running my hands over your legs.” Said Jo.

“I can tell you that he feels good from first hand experience,” said Suaad with a jiggle.

“I think we have about 10K to go before I need a rub down,” I replied

“Lead on,” said Suaad

“We’ll be right behind you enjoying the view,” teased Jo

I had never been the object on anyone’s attention and hoped that my tanned skin hid my blush as I felt the blood rush to my face.

We arrived at the lake shore about solar noon or 1230 FSFT, got our our HUTs (Habitat, Universal, Trooper) linked them together and set about putting together a meal from MRE plus spices and condiments to make them tolerable. A walk around the lake was in order to aid digestion and see what was around the bend.

“There’s fish in our lake! Earth variety Bass and pan fish!” It looked like Jo was almost ready to jump in after them as she announced her discovery.

“What else would you expect from a Terra-forming operation?” I asked. Smithson had been a geologically mature liken- and algae-covered orb a few hundred years ago when the Federation Exploration Service (FES) stumbled on it and started the process to make it fit for oxygen breathing, moderate temperature tolerating beings.

The result of her discovery was 6 fish of various sizes and species became the main dish of our evening meal in place of reconstituted something in the MREs. The way the fish came to the meal was very interesting indeed.

Just after she made the announcement of the presence of bass, Jo took off for a strand of trees that went down to the water’s edge. She collected several long skinny sticks, sharpened an end to a point on each and handed Suaad and me a couple and said “lets go get supper.” And stripped to her skin and headed for the lake. Suaad and I looked at each other, I shrugged and got out of my clothes and she did likewise and we followed Jo into the water.

“OK, just what are we going to do with these sticks?” I asked.

“Spear fish” was Jo’s response as she dove under water.

It turns out that fish that have never seen a human don’t know how dangerous a predator we are. The result was a good super of fish baked over a bed of coals.

The lake water was cold and although refreshing, it was good to get out and head back to camp. I was last out and as I started to dress I noticed that I had panties and short shorts, looked up and saw Jo and Suaad grinning at me. Two (or more) can play the teasing game so I pulled on Jo’s clothes and my shoes and grinned back.

“He is special,” Jo said to Suaad. “I told you so” was her reply as we walked back to camp.

I couldn’t have gotten away with calling their bluff if Jo wasn’t close to my size, but she was and I to the chance to try to pull it off.

It is amazing how close the stars look on a clear night in a place with no light pollution. We lay on our back and talked about our homes and families and what we expected to get from our hitch in FSF.

“Females are just another form of livestock on Persia” was Suaad’s comment.

“You can’t mean that” was my response.

“Do you know what female circumcision is?” she asked?

I was baffled; I had no idea what part of a woman could be circumcised. I had studied female anatomy and a little first hand experience from show-me-yours-I’ll-show-you-mine with my sisters, but what was the skin to be cut off?

“No I don’t,” I admitted

“Take off your underpants,” she ordered me as she started to strip out of her clothes as well.

She came over to me and said; “may I touch you?”

“Sure.” I said. I trusted her completely and was curious to see what she was going to do.

She put a lamp between my legs, reached for my penis and at her touch it started to enlarge. She smiled but said “You aren’t circumcised; see how the skin covers the tip?” I nodded.

“If I pull the skin up and cut it here.” She mimicked a scissors cutting the skin with fingers of her other hand and I reflexively winced.

Then she faced me and opened her legs, arranged the lamp to shine on her crotch and tugged at the hood of skin over her clitoris and repeated the scissors cutting motion on the raised skin.

My eyes must have been big as saucers. I know my mouth had formed an “ooww” as in NO!

“This was my choice: Stay at home and eventually have my ability to have pleasurable sensations before I was forced to marry someone I had never met, who could beat, abandon or even kill me on a whim or leave. I didn’t want to trade one form of hopeless situation for another; which is what would happen if I joined any off-Persia workforce as an unskilled, uneducated worker drone. The FSF gives me the chance to make my own future,” Suaad said as she lay back on her sleeping pad.

“When peoples cut themselves off from the mother, the Creator, they take out their pain and frustrations on those close to hand,” Jo said in the silence that followed.

“On Pueblo we believe that every thing and everyone has a purpose, a reason for being, an intrinsic value, something to offer the world that no other can provide,” she said.

I was amazed at this sophisticated philosophy.

“What about you pretty boy? Why are you here?” Jo asked and I could see her teeth reflect the lamp light as she smiled.

“I want to find out who I am. I know that sounds lame but that’s it,” I said

“I was wondering the same thing the first week of boot too. Is it a boy or girl? It talks and moves sometimes like a boy and sometimes like a girl. Then I thought, so what? What kind of person is this? So I asked Suaad,” Said Jo

“I told her you were OK. In fact better than OK, you were aware of the people around you and what was happening to them and tried to make things better. You let your feelings show. I mean more than just fear, frustration or humor. Those times when you were just there, when you gently squeezed my arm or smiled at me. I wondered whether you were a psychopath or a for-real nice person. As I got to know you I figured out that you are a nice person.” As Suaad said this she moved beside me and put her arms around me. As I reached my arms around her I felt Jo’s arm come around me and saw the other go around Suaad.

We spent the rest of the evening touching, rubbing, kissing and sometimes licking each other. We did get a few hours of sleep.

The next morning Jo asked: “Would you like to wear some of my clothes?”

“Do you want to wear some of mine?” I replied.

“Yes,” she said.

“Then yes for me too,” I said.

We traded shorts and underwear and Jo handed me a sports bra.

For the first time in a long time I felt at peace as we hiked back to the pick-up point. I was reluctant to return her clothing when we stopped a few klicks short of the outpost where we would find our ride.

“Let’s just swap shorts, you can give me the rest when we get back to our quad” was Jo’s answer.

The thing about aliens is that they are, well, alien.

“M’Evans, do you know of any alien cultures on old Earth?”

The question was directed at me by Dr. T’Bahn Pligree, an M’Gock who was lecturing on the characteristic of zeno-cultures.

“I know that almost all of the members of the Confederation of Worlds has a contingent on Earth,” was my response.

“Yes but I said OLD Earth, I meant pre-interstellar travel Earth,” he said.

“I don’t recall hearing of any alien cultures in Earth’s history,” I said.

“Do you have any knowledge of the perspectives of both the expanding cultures and those visited by these 'explorers' in the second millennia C.E. on Earth?” M’T’Bahn prompted.

A light went on in my brain — alien is relative and doesn’t have to be extra-terrestrial. I remembered that in the vids and other materials we were assigned to review told of how, back on Earth, there were thousands and thousands of different cultures and of the difficulties of one culture had understanding the forces shaping another.

“What was one of the fundamental difficulties that impeded the efforts of the North American country, the United States of America, in the 20th and 21st centuries to establish and maintain colonialism on economically smaller countries?” he asked.

“According to what I learned in the course materials, the cultural differences in social organizations such as family and tribe; implicit social hierarchy and indigenous economic structures were pretty much ignored and as a result, in the long run the pre-conflict cultures prevailed.” was my text-book response.

“Say that in Standard,” M’T’Bahn said and seemed to hick-up, which is how M’Gock laughter sounds.

“Well, it looks like there were two conflicts going on. The military conflict where the local forces had the advantage due to knowledge of terrain and the motivation to drive off the invader and the culture war where again the external force was at a disadvantage because it didn’t offer solutions to the needs of the local peoples that meshed with the ways things were always done.” I said.

“Better, but why didn’t occupying a territory cause it to conform to the wishes of the occupying force?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” was my response.

“When one looks at this conquest and occupy strategy, in every case, eventually the pre-existing cultures re-established their supremacy, even if it takes nearly a century to do so. Indigenous cultures that are long lived have addressed and found solutions to the primary questions of survival for that people so when outsiders 'take control' and try to implement changes, unless they meet the same survival issues, they are ignored and-or resisted,” Dr. T’Bahn said.

“The first step to understanding any culture is to learn how that culture addresses the basic requirements for sustaining the culture. First is the survival of the species from generation to generation. Next is the survival of the ecosystem in which the culture exists. There are an almost infinite number of variations that address these issues. The means and ways that a culture solves these requirements form the foundations upon which the culture is built,” he continued.

“Why does a desert culture or a tropical island culture have their particular worldview? The answers can be found in the way resources needed to survive are consumed and as well as conserved within the boundaries of the ecosystem and also the interface with neighboring cultures.

Dr. T'Bahn paused, noticing the puzzled look on my face. I thought I understood him, but I was slow to feel the full impact of his explanation.

“I see you're still wondering, my friend,” he said.

Then he continued:

“Look at my people, the M’Gock for example. They come from a planet that was originally 90% covered by what would be called tropical jungle on Earth. The effort needed to collect sufficient food and shelter for the procreating unit, the extended family in this case from 5 to 10 adults and an equal number of young, was about 4 time units per day. This left a lot of time for other things and according to our histories; it took a several near-extinction events to cause us to produce a means to include population limitations as a necessary component of the family and therefore species survival.”

His voice grew more serious; now, I felt, he was getting to the nub of the matter.

“The basic way that my species dealt with this issue was an evolutionary adaption: we change genders. As the number of offspring approaches the number of adults in the family, the gender of the group becomes homogenous, either all male or female. If there is sufficient external pressure from neighboring families, then the move is to male gender, if the local resources would lead to prolific procreation, the family unit becomes female to enable the nurturing of both the family members and the ecosystem as well.

“Although you humans may think this a most bizarre arrangement, we don’t understand why every species hasn’t come to this arrangement.

“This trait informs our every concept and stereotype and is the basis for our perspective of the universe. In fact we see human’s duality of gender as an evolutionary defect,” he concluded.

The sessions with Dr. T’Bahn didn’t break my stereotypes as much as illuminated them, which also revealed their limits. Stereotypes are good to have otherwise everything you encounter would have to be examined and fit into the way we understand the world. If you had to do that for everything you encounter you would quickly succumb to sensory and cognitive overload. The thing is to recognize when you use stereotype filter and recognize its limits.

Imagine that - part (1)

There was someplace she could go and be safe. There was a place where she could be herself and not spend every waking moment being invisible.

This is a fan-fiction set on Terahnar the world created by L.E. Modesitt for his Imager series. I have no rights to any of it and don’t claim to. I just wanted to see what a story about a MTF transgender person set in the time just after Rex Regis consolidated Lydar into Solidar would be like.

Special thanks to Miya Jeahle and Anne Mouse for critiques & editing. Good stories happen because of good editing.

Once upon a time, in a tiny village in what was the Kingdom of Antiago and now part of a new land that stretched from sea to sea call Solidar, a young person was born to a crofter – a tenant farmer for a not very successful “Saihib” or lord. From an early age he was a bundle of confusion. Although his body had all the parts that identified him as male, he knew in his heart and his mind that he was more she than he. The only good thing was that there were mostly girls in surrounding families and in his family his two siblings, one older by two years, the other, a year younger, were sisters. As he was growing up, he didn’t mind wearing his older sister’s hand-me-down clothes. In fact even as he grew taller than Odela he selected jumpers and overalls like those she wore. He just whished that he could wear the occasional dress or skirt and blouse that she got to wear when they went to events at the Saihib’s grand house or the services at the temple.

They had named “him” Joli which was the name of a flowering bush in Pharsi, the original language of his mother and he liked to think about being as pretty as a flower. When the children would play in the nearby woods, he loved to put flowers in his hair and help with the pretend meals. In the warm weather they would splash around in the stream in their birthday suits then dry off by lying in the moss on the slope of the hill above the stream. He carefully looked at Odela’s body because she was starting have curves and little mounds under her breasts. He wanted so much to be just like her.

Joli would spend evenings working with his sisters with sewing or knitting and going over his letters and numbers under his mother’s instruction. They would learn the names and phrases in both Bovarian, the language of Antiago, and Pharsi, mother’s native tongue.

He and his sisters spent wonderful nights listening to the legends and stories of the ancient imagers who built whole cities by just thinking about them or changing the path of rivers. Then there were the stories about The daughter of the big silver moon Seliora, and her cosort, protector, lover, Erion, the hunter and lesser moon.

He had a talent for fixing things of keeping them working more so than plowing a straight furrow or hefting bundles of hay onto the cart or lugging bushels of apples or potatoes during the harvest. He was also a much better cook than Odela who was better help at harvesting the crops. His part was to lead the horse as it pulled the wagon across the fields or through the orchard and his younger sister would keep the crop stacked neatly in the wagon.

Besides his femaleness, he had to hide that he believed that he might be an imager because he could wish that something was a certain way and it would be the way he imagined. Not big things but little things. Last fall one of the traces on the wagon came apart when he was at the end of a row in the apple orchard, about as far from the barn and tack room as possible. It was also at the end of a long day and with a cart full of bushels of apples that needed to get back to the cellar under the barn and be unloaded. He grabbed the two parts of the leather strap and looked closely at the place where they had come apart. He focused on the torn ends, the way the pieces of leather had come apart. He put the ends together and thought if this section had just stayed together a little longer, if it was still one piece I wouldn’t have to walk all the way to the barn and back and most likely have a cold supper after I unloaded the apples and then it was. It was one single, seamless piece of leather.

I tugged on it to see if it really was together again and would take a strain. It was stronger than any weight I could put on it – although that wasn’t saying much as I didn’t weigh much more that my older sister. There was one way to test it and I climbed up on the seat and called to the mule and snapped the lines and the cart moved as usual. I made it back without any extra difficulties from the leather, just the usual problems of steering around the rocks, mud-holes and sandy spots between the fields and the barns.

I suspected I had imaged the leather back together and it scared me to my core.

Imagers were people who had the ability of making things happen, making things appear out of nothing or making them vanish or, or… My thoughts spun around and round. Being an imager meant slavery and death. Being an imager meant that it didn’t matter that I had a body that was betraying me because I wouldn’t likely have to worry about that little problem if anyone discovered my imaging ability.

In our land the “king” the “Grand Potentate” kept those who did something he didn’t approve of in line by sending out his military and a few of his well controlled imagers to leave a lasting message of his displeasure. Usually the message was delivered by burning the offending subject as well as his house, barns, and anything flammable plus selling his household into slavery

This was true last year, but not now. It seems that a Rex from our neighboring land took exception to having his ships and army attacked by our glorious king’s military and imagers. Apparently it came down to the old saying that no matter how big, strong, smart, wealthy and so on you are there is always someone who is more of whatever than you are. It turned out that our Rex finally found this out the hard way and he and his entire palace was turned upside down with him and all his imagers and army and everyone else in it, basically turning the entire place into a giant tomb.

Even with the new rulers, being a known imager was a death sentence. To most people, having an imager around was like having a snake at your feet or some other dangerous creature. The initial response from most people is to kill it and that applied double for imagers

He was grimy and damp with sweat by the time he had worked through the twilight and then helped move the bushels into the cellar.

“Come on Jolie” called Odela, “lets get cleaned up and some supper.”

“Ok, l’ll pump first and you can pump for me” I said as we followed Pa to the pump house. We were fortunate to have a good well that gave us good water, rather than water that was soapy and smelled of rotting eggs, like those farms closer to the bay. Papa finished up then Odela started splashing water onto her face and soaping up her hands and arms up to her elbows. I watched her soapy hands move over her arms and the line of her jaw. The way her hair bounced around in its ponytail. She had a pleasant face, not a beauty, but easy to look at. Her breasts were just becoming noticeable and she was starting to have curves although her hips were firm as most farm girls. I wished I was developing the way she was he thought to himself.

“Why are you looking at me like that” Odela asked? “Is there something wrong? Do I have something on my clothes?”

“No I was just daydreaming” I said.

“Well you looked like you weren’t paying attention to what you were doing when you were bringing the wagon into the barn yard. You better look sharp because father was worried that you might upset the wagon”

“I was paying plenty of attention but I got lost in my thoughts.” I hoped that answer would end the discussion.

“What were you doing with the traces behind the mules?” She must have been watching me as I fixed the trace line.

“The line seemed to be caught on something and I was tying to fix it” I replied, hoping that would be a good answer and stop her questions.

We gathered around the 3-plank table for supper: dumplings filled with fowl and carrots with a little onion, kitchen mushrooms and some herbs. It was plain fare but filling, and except for the flour, all from our fields and the surrounding woods. Solia, Odela and I did the cleanup after the meal to give mother a break. She was well on carrying her fifth baby and could use a sort rest. We lost our little brother when he was two to a pox that we all had but it killed him.

The three of us shared a bed in the loft, which was good in winter but could be steamy in the end of summer.

I was half asleep and was thinking of Odela cleaning up and the way her small breasts were pushing against the material of her blouse. I put my hands over my own breasts and thought wouldn’t it be nice if mine were as big as hers to my astonishment I felt a soft mound of flesh under each hand!

I peaked under my nightshirt and sure enough, I had two small breasts! I had done it again! What was I going to do now! My entire family would go crazy and probably kill me as some kind of devil! Why did I have to wish for breasts!? I really didn’t want to get into trouble. I wished they were gone and I was back to a flat chest boy. Sure enough, they disappeared.

It seemed that I had just dropped off to sleep when I heard this boom and crash. I sat up looked around but everything was pitch black and I could hear the wind and rain. I needed to see what was happening. I needed a light! A candle!

Then there was one, right in my right hand.

Both my sisters woke up and look at me holding the candle.

“What’s happening?” asked Solia and “Where did you get that candle?” Asked Odela.

I couldn’t say a thing; I just looked back and forth between the burning candle and my sisters. I blew out the candle and put it on the ledge, next to the bed. I knew that I was done for. I was an imager! I thought about sneaking out and running away but where would I go?

Breakfast was a just a bowl of porridge and some dark bread. Both Odela and Solia looked at me over their bowls as though I would turn into a monster at any moment but nether said anything. I was glad to get out f the house and start my morning chores without anyone saying anything about the candle.

“Come in here,” called Papa from the kitchen as I was gathering eggs and I knew what was coming next. I shuddered but I wasn’t brave enough to do anything but obey. I went into the house with my head down, not wanting to look at either mama or papa. When I did, I saw mixed feelings on their faces. Ma was wiping tears and papa looked worried.

“When were you going to tell us that you are an imager?” asked papa in a voice mixed with concern, frustration and anger. “Were you going to wait until you set fire to the house and killed us all?”

“I’ll leave, I’ll go away and you won’t have to worry about me” I said in a low voice.

“Not on your own you won’t,” said papa. "I’ve heard that in Axitil they are looking for young imagers and will take them to some kind of scholarium for imagers on Westisle,” said papa. “We even get a gold for our trouble." As he said that mama sobbed even more. “Put anything you want to go with you in this bag,” he said and pointed to an empty flour bag on the table, “and be ready to go in two qints.”

I climbed up the stairs and gathered my few things to wear plus a blue translucent stone I had found in the field and headed back down to meet father.

My family was waiting in the yard as I came out of the door and there were hugs and tears all around. I made sure that I didn’t look back as I followed papa down the road toward the village.

Imagine that part 2

To be or what to be - Why does it have to be a race between safety and sanity?

This is a fan-fiction set on Terahnar the world created by L.E. Modesitt for his Imager series. I have no rights to any of it and don’t claim to. I just wanted to see what a story about a MTF transgender person set in the time just after Rex Regis consolidated Lydar into Solidar would be like.

Special thanks to Ane Mouse and Miya Jeahle for critiques and editing. Anything that's wrong is my fault for changes made after editing.

Imagine that

(2)

To be or what to be

Why does it have to be a race between safety and sanity?

“Jolie, take this food to the captain,” said cook, using a large knife to point to a tray, “and fill this mug with the ale from the small cask.” I picked a clean mug from a peg and filled it with the dark ale, put it on the tray and headed aft trying not to stumble and spill the ale or have the food slide off the plate. I’d already had a cane across my backside for dumping the tray on the deck when the ship lurched into the space between two waves.

I was on my way to Westisle where I hoped that my life would change for the better. I suppose it could get worse, but I didn’t even want to think about that, much less imagine it. The reason I was making this journey was because when I thought about something, really focused on it, it appeared out of thin air. I was an imager. That’s what people like me are called here in Solidar, so I tried to think about things getting better, not worse.

I was fortunate, less than a year ago I would have been doomed to slavery in the palace of the Antiarch of Antiago. The choice was life as a salve-imager in the palace or death because the Antiarch had so decreed: all imagers must serve the Antiarch or suffer death. All that had changed when an army led by an imager from Tilbar, the land to the east, had attacked and conquered Kephria then marched west to Llantiago capturing all the major towns and cities along the way. When they reached Llantiago they turned the palace upside down and buried everyone in it under the ruins of the palace.

Now, the Telerians were offering a gold coin to anyone who delivered an imager to the camp on Westisle, an island in the bay of Llantiago. My papa gave two silvers to the captain of this ship, out of the gold coin he received from the council for the promise to hand me over to the imagers on Westisle. It was made clear from the start that I wasn’t a passenger that I had to earn my way. Because of my size and lack of strength I would earn my passage as a cabin boy. This meant that I had the lowest place in the ranks of the crew and was subject to orders from almost anyone. Because I could clean and cook I spent most of my time in the galley preparing food; fetching this and that, cleaning, washing and all the other things that need to be done to keep 50 men fed.

I suppose the only good thing was that I had a special cabin, a metal box with a hammock for sleeping. It had a low bench with a single shelf’ It was big enough for me to almost stand upright. Its width was just wide enough for me lie on the bench with me feet on on wall and my head touching the other. It wasn’t wide enough for me to stretch out my arm at shoulder height. When I wasn’t working I was expected to be in the cabin. The first few days were pretty rough and I used a pail catch the contents of my stomach every time I was shut in the little cabin after I finished my work. I learned to drink the ale I served to the sailors and that kept me going until I got used to the rolling and swaying and leaping of the ship.

I was told that the box was especially made to hold an imager and his imaging inside the box. Apparently an imager’s nightmare could destroy a ship. I remembered the candle I had imaged and understood that an open flame wasn’t something you wanted below decks in a wooden ship.

We had been sailing for 5 days and I had finally gotten my sea legs, or at least overcome my seasickness. It was just after daybreak, I had just delivered tea to the captain and was headed back to the galley when I heard a bell ringing and saw men running every-which way. There was a shout from the lookout that a sail was seen somewhere behind us. The captain ordered more sails to be added and the men pulled the lines and the ship changed course again and again. It seemed that the ship was almost going as fast as the wind. Over the next two glasses the captain would look at the ships following us then call out orders to make the ship move faster. There were two ships and they were getting closer and closer to us. Then the order to get ready to fight was called and everyone grabbed short swords or staffs. I was told to go to the galley, help the cook and stay out of the way. I was just about to go down a ladder when there was a boom and a crash and the next thing I knew I was in the water. I grabbed what looked like a hatch that was floating next to me and hung on.

From water level I could see that one of the ships had come up to the one I had been on and men were cutting at each other with swords, hitting and beating each other with staffs and yelling and shouting. I crawled onto the hatch so that it made a small raft and noticed that the current was moving me away from both ships. I just hung on and hoped that I might be rescued before I drowned or that I would end up on a beach and not crushed against some rocky shore.

I hung on to the hatch all day and into the night.

I must have gone to sleep because I woke up to birds screaming over my head and the sun was rising. I was thirsty and hungry and my legs and hands were sore from rubbing against the wood. I could move around a little to let the bruised parts get away from the wood but I couldn’t find any comfortable position. I just hung on and wished that I’d get to shore sometime soon.

I must have dropped off to sleep because I thought I heard the sound of waves and it got louder and louder and the raft begin to pitch and roll more violently. The next thing I knew I was on my hands and knees in the surf just a few yards off shore. I stumbled out of the waves and up the beach beyond the water’s edge. I was so tired that I just collapsed as darkness overcame me.

The sun in my face woke me early the next day, although my growling stomach would have done the job if I hadn’t been already awake. I walked along the beach, away from the sun because that was the way toward Westisle. Before long the beach gave way to rocks and brush, which hurt my feet. I wonder if I can image something to protect my feet? After all, if I’m really an imager, shouldn’t I be able to manage some sandals? I felt them under my feet and looked down and saw leather laces and bent down and tied them around my ankles.

Now I needed some food and water. I started looking for late season Bask Berries that could be found close to the sea. They were tart but had enough sweetness to give me some energy. After eating several handfuls I found a stream coming down a rock face in a little waterfall and drank and then washed the salt and sand from all over my body.

After washing my clothes, I draped them over some bushes to dry out. I sat on a rock ledge, and looked at myself, I was skinny, slightly blue skinned and covered with goosebumps.. I needed a fire to get warm, so I started collecting dead branches from trees and stacked them on the end of the ledge where it ended against a vertical rock face. I needed some way to set the wood on fire. Why not image a candle, just like the one I had imaged before that caused me to be in this fix? Then it was there, in the middle of the pile of wood, which started to catch fire. After putting some larger wood on the fire I was able to get warm. I had to let my front then back get warm in turn.

The nuts and berries I had eaten were not very filling. I wished I had a nice sized fish to cook. I could almost smell it and taste it. Then it was there on the ledge in front of me. I wedged it between some sticks and positioned it over the fire. I almost burned my fingers getting the cooked fish into my mouth.

I had fire, I had food and water, now I needed to make some decisions and a plan.

I had survived being cast off the ship and washed up on shore. I was probably about half way along the coast between Hassyl, where I got on the ship and Llantigo, our destination. If Westisle was a safe place for imagers, I needed to get there and ask for their help.

How was I to do that? The obvious answer was to walk there. But what chance did a skinny, teenage boy have? Would anyone help me? Then I had an idea, what if I looked like a girl? I would tell who ever I met that had been my way to my uncle who was an imager on Westisle and been shipwrecked. I’d get a lot more sympathy as a girl and if the first person I talked to was a woman, I might even get taken under her wing so to speak and get sent to the isle. Besides, in my mind I was a girl. If my body looked like a girl, then my girlishness would work for me instead of against me.

First things first then: I remembered what I had done that night and I put my hands over my breasts and imagined that I had breasts a little bigger than my older sister. Then I felt them under my hands! I was a little dizzy but it passed quickly. I knew what girls have, or don’t have between their legs because I’d taken care of my little sister and my sisters and I would go swimming in the creek in our birthday suits and wash each other. I put my hands over my boy parts and thought about the way my older sister’s body looked. As I focused, I could feel my body change.

There was a really sharp pain and I doubled over gasping for breath. I hurt so much, but I couldn’t even get my breath to cry out or scream. My eyes were streaming tears as I breathed slowly in and out. My head felt like it was spinning. I must have passed out because the sun had moved across the sky when I opened them again.

Looking down at myself when I sat up, I had nothing between my legs, just a slit. I looked like a skinny girl, at last what I could see. I usually kept my hair in a ponytail and it was as long as Odela’s so I didn’t have to worry about doing anything to it. Even though my clothes were damp, I put them on to keep a little warmer,

I imaged another fish to cook, a fire to cook it on and a stone mug to hold water to drink. I was very hungry and thirsty, but as soon as I finished eating I imaged more wood on the fire to get it and the rocks hot. As I got warmer I went right to sleep.

While I slept I dreamed: I was riding along in a wagon, talking to a young girl. We were both sitting on bags in the wagon, just behind the bench where a man and woman were sitting. Suddenly I man with a spear jump out from behind a tree and run at us with the spear pointing toward me. I screamed and suddenly I was awake. It took me a little while to remember where I was and why I was here. I imaged more wood on the fire, which was getting low and went back to sleep.

In the morning I didn’t remember much about the dream, but I was glad I had gotten back to sleep.

On a New Road - One can only put one foot in front of the other and hope for the best.

This is a fan-fiction set on Terahnar the world created by L.E. Modesitt for his Imager series. I have no rights to any of it and don’t claim to. I just wanted to see what a story about a MTF transgender person set in the time just after Rex Regis consolidated Lydar into Solidar would be like.

The next morning my clothes were dry and I knew that I needed to get moving unless I was going to stay in the wilderness for the rest on my life. I started walking with the sun at my back, following the bank of the stream I had found. I could feel my breasts pressing against my shirt and they bounced a little as I hopped from rock to rock along the bank. After a while I begin to feel my nipples were getting sore from rubbing against my shirt. I stopped and leaned forward to make a little room between my breasts and my shirt to relieve the rubbing. How did my older sister Odela keep this from happening to her? I remembered the band of cloth, a breast band my sister wore. That’s what I needed so I focused, thinking about the shape and the soft material it was made from and imagined it appearing in my out-stretched hand, and then there it was. After I put it on and slipped my top over it, I felt much better as I carefully made my way along the stream bank.

The sun had not yet reached midday when I came to a road. It was just some ruts running down a sort of wide level path. The road crossed the stream I'd been following on a narrow wooden bridge. I climbed up to the road and turned west to follow the road figuring that Westisle was west so that was the way I needed to go.

Some time after noon, I could tell because the sun was now in my face, the road turned away from the sea and began to go up and down hills, steadily climbing. In the woods, along the side of the road I found some wild apples and berries and decided to rest and eat. I had just finished eating when I heard the creak and groan of a wagon and huffing of horses coming along the road from behind me. I scrambled up hill towards a berry bush and crouched down so I wouldn’t be easily seen.

It was a wagon coming up the hill. As it came toward me, I saw a woman sitting on the bench next to a man who held the reins to the horses pulling the wagon. There was a young person sitting on something in the wagon behind the two adults. As they got closer, I saw that the man and woman had dark hair and the young girl was blonde and wore a light blue summer dress. The woman’s dress was light yellow, buttercup; my sister would have called it. The man had a dark brown vest over a white shirt and faded brown pants. The young girl was saying something to the woman and the man was laughing.

Should I just keep still and let them pass? They were the only travelers I had seen so I thought this would probably be my only chance for a ride for some time to come. This was just what I was hoping for, a family, moreover it was a family that included a young girl. I made up my mind and crawled down the hill to the edge of the road, stepped into it and stood very still with my hands held together in front of me.

“Whoa, whoa,” called the man as he slowed, then stopped the wagon a few yards away from me.

“What is a little thing like you doing in these woods?” the man holding the reigns called out in a surprised voice.

I didn’t say anything, but kept my eyes down and my hands clasped in front of me.

“You scared her,” the woman said. She turned to me and said, “Come over here child so I can see you better.”

I slowly walked over to the side of the wagon, with my head down and only looked up at the woman when I was next to the wagon.

”Where are your folks?” she asked. “Are you alright?” I looked into her eyes and decided that I should tell her a little of my story.

“My name is Jolie, I was on a ship headed to Westisle when pirates attacked the ship. I got knocked into the sea, then washed up on shore. Now I am trying to get to my uncle who lives on Westisle,” I responded. I hoped that was enough information to get them to help me.

“We’re going to LLantiago so why don’t you ride with us?” the woman asked. “We should be there in a couple of days and you don’t look big enough to be a burden. Pitch your things into the wagon and climb in next to Mixy.”

“I don’t have anything, except what I'm wearing. Everything I had was lost in the ship wreck,” I said as I climbed into the wagon.

“You poor little thing! I expect my sister Colbuyn will have some things for you to wear because she has two girls. We will be there in a few hours. One of her girls is bigger than you so there should be some hand-me-downs that are your size. I was planning on collecting some clothes for Mixy too when we stop at their place tonight. My name is Nilynn, my husband is Mylinco Havgrove. We have a produce factorage in Llantiago.”

“Thank you so much. When I was holding onto the hatch cover in the sea, I thought that I wouldn’t ever get to land much less to my uncle’s. He wrote to me that if I got to Westisle I would be able to live with him.”

“Well we should get home day after tomorrow and we will see if we can get a message to him to come collect you,” said Nilynn.

I climbed into the wagon and Mixy pointed to a bag and said, “You can sit on that bag of grain. It’s not too uncomfortable.”

We talked and talked and talked. She told me about her dolls and their names, “My favorite is Bytte.” She told me about their house in Llantiago and her room, “My room is not as big as maman’s and papa’s but it is prettier.” She told me about all the produce they sold in the store. I told her about our farm and the things we grew and that we all slept in a single bed in the loft.

“I think sleeping together would be fun. I don’t have anyone to sleep with except my dolls.”

When we got to the farm, Mixy announced to everyone there that they had found me in the woods and that I was from a ship.

“Whoa, whoa,” said Mylinco “let me introduce everyone. This little thing is Joli, she was on her way to Westisle when she was shipwrecked and we found her on the sea road this morning.”

“Joli, this is my sister Colbuyn, and her husband Dylndr. and these two Alanca and Kyten.

“Kyten is about to start her married life in a few months and Alanca is a year older than Mixy.”

Kyten was a little taller and bigger than me and Alanca was smaller than me, but bigger than Mixy.

Mixy gave them all hugs and couldn’t seem to stop talking.

“Lets get everyone settled,” said Colbuyn after giving her sister a hug.

I helped move their travel bags into the room Colbyn told us we would be using. After the bags were put away, we went to the kitchen and were given tasks to get ready for the meal. Because there seemed to be plenty of help in the kitchen, I offered to help feed the animals and went out to the barn and helped to tend the goats, chickens and horses.

Nilynn showed me where the feed grain bins were and Dylndr, Colbuyn’s mate give me directions on how much feed to put out. We worked in the barn until the sun was getting low in the sky.

“It’s been over a glass,” Dylndr said, “lets get cleaned up and head inside.”

“What’s a glass?”

“Its the time it takes sand to drain from the top of a glass blub into the bottom bulb.”

“Oh, then its like a bell on ship.”

“Yes and there was probably a glass somewhere on the ship that they used to tell them when to ring the bell.”

We went to the pump house and I washed up, then went into the kitchen to see what else I could do to help.

When I asked what else I could do to help Nilynn said, “Here sweetie, eat some of this cheese and this apple. You look like you haven’t had a good meal in weeks.”

“It has been a while since I’ve had a full meal. For the last two days I’ve mostly had fruits and berries to eat,” I said. After supper I gave them my story from the time I was thrown into the water until they found me on the side of the road. I was careful not to mention my imaging abilities or the changes I made to my body.

After supper we went up a ladder from the second floor into what they called an attic, which was a space under the roof. We lit candles in holders so that we could see to go through the contents of several boxes to see if we could find clothes that would fit Myxy and me. It was really great fun trying on the clothes. I was amazed that anyone would have so many clothes. When I asked about where they came from and who wore them, Colbyn said,

“Well Nilynn and I had four sisters and now we have over a dozen nieces and our home is the official store house for all our outgrown clothes. Nylinn hasn’t been keeping up the family tradition of four children in the family,” she said as smiled at us.

“Neither have you,” Nilynn and everyone laughed. “I think we still have a little time to add to the count.”

It tok quite a while but I found pants, tops, and dress that fit me and a sleeping gown and some underwear. Myxi found a really pretty dress, a jumper, a pair of pants and two tops to take with her.

I was really happy to have more than one set of clothes and the fact that they were my girl clothes made it even better.

We went down to the kitchen and had some tea and cookies, then to the washroom and got into our nightclothes. Before we went to bed we paired up to brush each other’s hair. It was just like I used to do with my sisters.

Alanca, Mixy and I would share Alanca’s bed, it made me homesick because it reminded me of sleeping with my sisters. At the same time I felt right, because my mind and body seemed to be at peace for once. At supper I told my rescuers that my family had died of the fever in the spring and a neighbor had taken me in and contacted my uncle so that I could go live with his family. I gave them the name of a family that lived near us who had died of the fever so that if anyone should check, there would be some truth to my story.

As I lay there between these two girls, I thought back to the night I imaged the candle, and then being sent away. I wondered what happened to the captain and sailors and the ship. I was glad I had changed my body to match the way I saw myself. I was so fortunate to have been found and taken in by this kind family.

As I slept I dreamed: I was riding in the wagon with Mixy and we went through a big gap in a rock wall and then along a place where the trees almost made a roof over the road. Suddenly a man jumped into the road in front of us. He had what looked like a short sword on the end of a shaft and started running toward us. My eyes popped open and it took a moment for me to realize that I was in bed between to people. I took a deep breath and rolled onto my side and went back to sleep.

The road turns back again - If you don’t act you will regret it the rest of your life and maybe if you do.

This is a fan-fiction set on Terahnar the world created by L.E. Modesitt for his Imager series. I have no rights to any of it and don’t claim to. I just wanted to see what a story about a MTF transgender person set in the time just after Rex Regis consolidated Lydar into Solidar would be like.

We were back on the road shortly after sunrise and stopped only to water and rest the horses once before noon. We went a little way off the road to stop by a stream and had some cheese, bread and dried meat strips plus an apple. The wagon was full of baskets of apples, nuts and root vegetables that were the reason for the trip. Once a year the family made the trip to collect these very high quality consumables to sell. There were also crocks of juice and some boxes with blocks of cheese. Mixy’s family had a produce store; a factorage, in Llantiago and all thee things would sell quickly according to Nilynn, Mixy’s father.

As the sun was going down Nilynn took a turn off the road, down to a lake where there was a shelter next to the lake. Mylinco explained that her family used to come up here in the summers when she was a young girl. She told us stories of playing in the lake and collecting berries from the woods. Mixy and I took off our pants and splashed in the lake then washed up for supper. Nilynn had a fire going in a rock rimmed pit in front of the shelter which was like half of a house. If you had built walls and a roof, but stopped when you got to the roof beam, that’s what the shelter was like. There was a built up stone floor and sleeping platforms in the back and along the sides. After we cleaned up the super dishes and pots we sat around the fire and listened to some stories. Before long I was nodding off and so was Mixy, so we were put to bed in the wagon and were soon asleep. We were up just after sunrise and after a breakfast of eggs, cheese and pan bread, we were on the road as the sun started to warm the forest.

About mid afternoon the road began a long, twist-back path from the crest of the pass between hills above Llantiago. I could see looking down on the road from the pass that the road ran through cut in what looked like a stone wall . As we neared the stone outcrop, I could see that at one time a stone wall, the inside of a mountain, went all the way from one hill to the other, but a stream had cut a large gap wide enough for the stream and a road bed on one side. Once though the gap, the road bent sharply and entered a grove of woods and think brush, almost like a tunnel because the branches f the trees met over the roadway. The shade under the trees gave way to a clearing ahead, lit up by sunlight. As we came to the clearing, a man walked from the woods and stood in the middle of the road, holding a spear with a really long blade.

It was like I had seen this man with the spear before, then I remembered the dream.

“You will be needing to stop and pay us a toll to use this road,” he said.

“This isn’t a toll road” was Nilynn’s response.

“Well it is now,” the man said, as he walked quickly to the side of the wagon nearest to where Nilynn sat.

“You could let your woman pay the fee,” said a voice from behind us.

As I looked around behind us to see another man with a, Nilynn slapped the reins a yelled for the horses to move. The man with the spear jabbed it at Nylinn. It looked to me like he was going to stick it into Nylinn as the wagon bolted into the clearing and toward the man with the spear.

This couldn’t be happening I thought and wished that the spear would disappear!

The spear vanished! The man was looking at his empty hands as he ran into the side of the wagon and was knocked onto his back. As we rolled past I could see him working his mouth but he wasn’t making any sound. His friend, who was behind us was yelling at us and running after the wagon. He stopped and drew back his hand to throw the spear at us. I imaged his spear away as the man who had been in front of us yelled, “run, he’s an imager, run!”

But the man behind us was running at the wagon and reaching for a handhold to climb up. I wished he would trip on a rock, and suddenly he was on his face in the dirt.

The horses were moving the wagon down the road at a good clip and we were bouncing around and holding on the sides. We went about a mille and around two bends in the road before Nilynn, pulled the reins and slowly stopped the wagon.

“You are a Namer-dammed imager aren’t you!” demanded Nilynn and a loud voice.

“What if she is?” Mylinco asked. “She saved you, me and Mixy too most like. Didn’t you see where he was about to put that spear point? And what do you think the fellow in back of us had in mind? Eating a few apples?” She was shaking and Mixy was crying.

I just sat there rocking back and forth crying. Mixi was crying too. I could see them leaving me on the side of the road with nothing but what I was wearing.

“Is that why you are going to Westisle?” he asked. “Is your uncle one of those imagers from Teleryn who are setting up that place for imagers?”

I just cried more tears until I felt both Mixy and Mylinco wrap their arms around me in a big hug and tell me it was going to be all right.

“Nilynn, hush and drive the wagon. We’ll take care of this little girl and see that she gets where she needs to be,” Mylinco said. “It’s the least we can do after what she just did. She saved our lives!”

Gradually, my tears stopped and I sat there with Mixy’s arm around my shoulder as we went down the road.

As we continued down the road, with no one saying anything, the forest gave way to small farms and then mostly houses. I had never seen so many houses and so close to each other!

We arrived at their store as the sun was setting. Nilynn drove the wagon behind the store where there was a small building that had stalls and a place for the wagon and feed for the animals.

Before we took our clothes to the upper floor where they lived, we loaded the produce from the wagon onto a cart and put it into the store.

The bottom floor of the building held the store, and had produce organized in bins on tables: root vegetables in one row, leaf and bean vegetables in another and fruits and nuts and grains in rows of bins. There were shelves on the walls with canned goods and bottles of all sorts of things that I had never seen before. A counter at rear of the store had a small stack of bags and baskets that customers could use.

“This is where our customers pay for the produce,” said Mylinco “and here on the side we put some of our special items so that they can be noticed.”

It took about a glass to transfer all of the things from the wagon to the store.

“You girls take your things up to Mixy’s room then come to the kitchen and help make supper.”

I collected my things and followed Mixy up stairs to her room where I would be sleeping. The room was amazing. It had a single bed with a canopy and pink and white curtains around the window. She had a chest with drawers and another taller cabinet with doors that held her dresses and coats. There were several dolls on her bed, placed so that they leaned on her pillows. There was a rug next to the bed so that she didn’t have to step on a cold wood floor when she slid out of bed.

The room was just beyond anything I could imagine!

“Your room is wonderful,” I squeaked. “I have never seen anything like it!”
“You didn’t have a room in your home?” she asked.

“No, we all slept together in a bed in the loft,” I explained. “I don’t have to sleep with you if you don’t want to. If you would rather not share your bed”

“Oh no,” she said, “I liked sleeping together like we did at aunt Colbuyn’s farm.”

“Yes, I liked sleeping together too. It reminded me of sleeping with my sisters” My eyes got moist as I thought about my sisters and the life that was gone to me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“You and your family have been so nice to me, and you don’t even know me.”

“Well, I think you saved my father’s life and kept us from getting robbed and I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you,” she blurted out, and grabbed me in a tight hug and kissed me on the lips.

I hugged her and kissed her back. This was the first time anyone had touched me with affection since before my family found out about my imaging. I was both happy and sad at the same time. I didn’t know that you could be both at once.

“This is Bytte, she likes you, I can tell,” she said as she held up one of her dolls.

I hugged the doll and said, “its nice to finally meet you Bytte, I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Let’s go see if your mother needs any help preparing supper.”

“Alright, I don’t mind helping out when you are helping too,” she said.

We helped prepare the meal by peeling and chopping vegetables then putting them into a big pot. The meal was a heavy broth and dark bread and a mild cider.

Before we started to eat, we all held hands and Nilynn said, “For the grace and warmth from above, for the bounty of the earth below, for all the grace of the world and beyond, for your bounty from the fields, and for your manifold and great mercies, we offer our thanks and gratitude, both now and evermore, in the spirit of that which cannot be named or imaged.”

“In peace and harmony,” Mixy and Mylinco replied.

Our family had not been very spiritual, perhaps because we lived so far away from any Anomen. I could remember only a few times when I had gone to one, once when my brother died and again after my younger sister was born. I did know about the Nameless, my mother had made sure of that, along with our regular nightly lessons in our numbers and reading.

The three of us cleaned up after the meal and Nilynn went downstairs to work in the store.

“He likes to play with the produce just like I like to play with my dolls.”

“Why don’t you girls get ready for bed, and then play in Mixy’s room for a little while,” Mylinco said.

It was wonderful to play with the dolls and stuffed animals and then be tucked into bed and given goodnight kisses.

* * * * *

“Do you think it’s safe to have an imager sleeping under our roof?” asked Nilynn as they were preparing for bed.

“I have a feeling that it is, this time,” was Mylonco’s response. “I’ve heard the tales of imagers destroying a house, but those stories always tell of mistreatment of the imager and trying to keep them locked away. We didn’t do anything like that. I just looked in on them and both were sleeping with smiles on their faces. I’m not worried that we will be burned alive in our sleep.”

“Well tomorrow I’m taking her to the Teleryn Army post and turning her over to the imagers there.”

“Be sure to thank her for saving your life and probably ours when you do.”

“Did you see the clothes the one in front of us was wearing? I think he must have been one of the renegade army men we’ve heard about. What did he expect to get from us? A basket of apples?”

“I think you are right about him. I’ll tell the Teleryn soldiers what happened and where. I’ve heard that they have been tracking down these troublemakers. I hope they go after those two.”

* * * * *

I woke up with the sunrise, which was my usual routine and enjoyed Mixy’s holding me like a big doll as she slept. I wondered what my life would have been like if I had been born into a family like hers. Then I realized that being an imager, I would have had to leave it and that might have been even harder than what I had been through.

I heard noises from the kitchen. I slipped out of bed put on a robe and went to see who was making the noise.

“Good morning early-bright, did you sleep well?” Mylinco asked.

“Yes, it was wonderful. I haven’t ever slept in a bed so comfy.”

“We have an indoor privy just down the hall,” she said. “Just pull on the wooden spool attached to the chain when you are through. There is also bowl with a spigot in the room. Plug the hole in the bottom of the bowl and turn the spigot to let water into the bowl. There is soap and a towel next to the bowl.”

This was amazing. I was used to using a privy that was some distance from the house and an outdoor wash-room with a pump

When I returned to the kitchen, Mixy was there along with her father.

“Well Joli, you are a miracle worker! You’ve been able to get Mixy out of bed before the noon meal!” her father said with a grin.

“I’ve been up before lunch all the time,” was her response with a small pout.

“I need to work with some of the things we brought down in the store then I can take you to the place where there are some of the Teleryn imagers,” said Nilynn as we finished the dawn-meal, “and we can see about getting you to your uncle.”

It was everything I could do to keep from breaking down and crying. I had fallen in love with this family and would have happily spent the rest my life with them. I knew that wasn’t to be so I headed up to Mixy’s room to help straighten it out and collect my things.

I’d like to thank Anne Mouse for her help making theses stories readable and especially her suggestions and critiques.

Part (6)

The island of imagers - Even a new family is still made up of individuals

This is a fan-fiction set on Terahnar the world created by L.E. Modesitt for his Imager series. I have no rights to any of it and don’t claim to. I just wanted to see what a story about a MTF transgender person set in the time just after Rex Regis consolidated Lydar into Solidar would be like.

I want to profusely thank Anne Mouse for helping me get his prose into acceptable shape. Any syntax or grammar errors happened after she sent it back to me in wonderful shape.

About half way through the morning, after tearful goodbyes, Nylinn and I were on our way to see the Teleryan imagers. We were on horse-back with me in front and my bag of clothes tied to the saddle behind Nylinn. We had to follow the roads back and forth around the edge of the city. Nylinn told me that his family was very lucky to be located well away from the center of the city. He said that a Teleryn “ancient imager” had caused the whole castle and everyone in it to fall into a huge hole where the castle had been. Then he dumped dirt and rocks into the hole burying then it all. The earth shook so hard after this tremendous feat, most of the buildings near the hole where the palace had been fell apart and stone and bricks clogged the streets. The result was that most of the oldest part of the city was still in ruins.

We followed a road that went down toward the dock, then turned up hill to what looked like a sahib’s town villa. There were men in green, Teleryn army uniforms standing guard at the gate.

“I need to see the head imager,” said Nylinn. “My niece is an imager and I was told that Solidar was looking for imagers and would take them in.”

“Just wait here while I get someone to take you to the under captain,” one of the guards said.

It looked like this would take a while so we got off of the horse and took him to a watering trough, when another soldier came out and told us to leave the horse there, that they would look after it and follow him.

We walked so fast that I had to run every few steps to keep up. We went into the house and turned down a hall and stopped at an open door.

“Under Captain, this man thinks his niece is an imager,” said our guide.

“Thank you Wyllam, I can take it from here,” said the young man behind the desk.

“My name is Desyrk and I am an Under Captain and an imager. What makes you think that this little girl is an imager?” he asked.

“Just yesterday Joli imaged away a spear that a ruffian tried to stick in my gut,” Nylinn said.

The soldier’s eyebrows seemed to go halfway up is forehead.

“Come with me, young lady,” he said, and came around the desk and put out his hand.

I put my hand in his and glanced at Nylinn and who nodded at me to go on.

We went through a door to a meeting room and stood next to the big table. He took out a coin and put it on the tale. It was brownish and seemed worn, it had an impression of a bird on the side facing up.

“I want you to image another coin just like this one,” he said.

“Can I pick it up and look at it?” I asked.

“Take your time and image a copy here on the table.”

I turned it over and saw what looked like a mountain on the back. The edge was smooth except for a few nicks.

I focused my eyes on the coin and wished that there was one just like it on the table and there it was.

“Well. That’s really something,” he said. “This is a very good copy, you even have the nicks in the edge in the correct places and it’s worn down too. Do you know what it is made from?”

I shook my head and said, “no, I’ve never had one of those before.”

“Well, there’s no doubt that you are an imager. You will have to come stay with us, but we will take care of you. Let’s go back and talk with your uncle,” he said and walked back into his office.

“Skynert,” he called to the soldier standing guard outside his door as we came into his office, “would you please get a glass of fruit juice and a biscuit for this little girl. She’s been doing some heavy work and needs some food to keep her on her feet,” he said, as he sat behind the desk and motioned for Nylin and me to sit in the chairs across from him.

“You are correct, she is definitely an imager and you are most fortunate because my Commander, who is the most powerful imager I’ve ever known or known about, wants us to set up a school for imagers on Westisle. We will provide her with housing, clothes, food and an education in letters and number. We will also teach her how to use her imaging to help the Rex and all of Solidar.”

“We are fortunate that the Rex realizes how useful and important imagers are to creating a just country,” said Desyrk.

“Have you received the finding fee for bring in imager candidates?” he asked Nylinn.

Before Nylinn could answer, the soldier tapped on the door, came in and placed a tray on the desk.

“Drink some of the juice and eat some biscuits. Imaging takes energy and you probably need to replenish yours,” he said.

I sipped the juice and nibbled the biscuits and did feel less light headed.

“No, I didn’t know there was a reward,” said Nylin,

“Here is a voucher that you can use to get a gold coin from the bursar, just ask one of the soldiers as you leave to direct you to the paymaster’s office,” said Desyrk and handed a slip of paper to Nilynn.

“Can you read?” Desyrk asked me.

“Yes, maman taught us how a little,” I answered.

“Alright, go into the room across the hall and wait there for me to come get you at when I finished here,” he said to me and stood up.

Nilynn and I both got to our feet.

“Thank you for caring enough for your niece to bring her to us. I assure you that we will take good care of her and give her a chance to have a productive life,” he said to Nylinn.

Nylinn gave me a hug, and said, “let us know when you can come see us and we will come get you,” and gave me a slip of paper that had their address on it.

The room across the hall was full of books and a desk and a couple of chairs. I found a big book with pictures in it every so often. I looked at the image of a beautiful black haired woman and the name under the drawing was Seloia, daughter of the greater moon. I remembered the stories maman had told us. I lost myself looking through the books and it seemed no time had passed before Under Captain Desyrk called me to follow him.

“You can leave your bag here, we’re just going to have some lunch.”
I followed him to a big dinning room that had several tables. He motioned me to sit across from him a table with just four chairs.

“Is your home nearby?”

“No, my family’s farm in close to Axitil which is west of Hassyl.”

“Did you come here on a ship?”

“I started out on a ship,” and I told him of my journey to Llantiago.

“That’s quite an adventure for someone so young.”

“I am 13 and a half,” I felt my face flush.

“Even for someone who’s 13 and a half that’s still some journey. Tell me about the man with the spear.”

I explained how the two men had surprised us as we came into the clearing and how I had caused the spears to vanish and the man running after us to fall down.

“What did you do that let your family see that you are an imager?”

I explained about the candle and my dream and how my parents had sent me away.

After the midday meal, I went back to the library and continued to look through some of the books. I had never seen so many books in one place. We had a few books that were my mother’s and she had used them to teach us our letters and words. It didn’t seem very long before Under Captain Desyrk came into to say, “let’s go. My work here is done for today.”

We walked down to the harbor and went on board a small sailing boat and were jostled and splashed as we sailed to what, I thought, must be Westisle. It was too rough and windy to say very much so I sat quietly, and remembered my recent experiences on the water. I hugged myself and shivered.

“Don’t worry, we won’t be on the water very much longer,” said Desyrk. “I don’t think we have to worry about any pirates here in the bay.”

I wasn’t worried about pirates, but I was very happy to leave the little boat when we got to the doc. We walked from the dock up a short hill to a gate in a wall that seemed to go on forever both to the left and right of the gate just ahead of us. I could see the tops of several buildings beyond the wall before we went through the gate.

The buildings were like big, two story barns, but I could tell they were meant for people because the door at the end was too small for a wagon and there were too many windows.

“Come with me to the administration building. I need to introduce you to Major Volytr,” said Desyrk.

We walked toward a one-story building just ahead of us. When we entered, he said “please wait in here until I come for you”, and indicated a room to the left of the entry hall.

Under Captain Desyrk rapped on the door that had “Major Volytr” written on it and heard “Come in” from inside the office.

“The good news is that we’ve welcomed an impressive young imager to our collegium,” said Desyrk.

“And the not-so-good-news?” asked Volytr.

“SHE is only 13 years old and her name is Joli,” answered Desyrk.

“I was expecting this would happen, just not so soon. You said she was impressive. How so?”

Desyrk handed two copper coins to Volytr and asked, “which one of these is the original?”

Volytr looked closely at each coin and then asked “she imaged the copy I take it?”

“Yes, and she claimed to have never seen a copper before. Her family put her on a ship to LLantiago and it was attacked by pirates; she was thrown overboard in the fight but managed to get to shore…” and Desyrk gave a condensed version of the story Joli had told him.

“Then, two days ago the she and the family who picked her up were attacked by a couple of men armed with the long bladed spears we’ve seen. She caused the spears to vanish and the one that was chasing them to fall on his face,” he said with a smile.

“If that is true, that is indeed impressive. Where do you suggest we put her? The barracks right now are designed for males, even if each imager has a room to himself.”

“I thought she might stay in the visiting imager quarters until we can modify a room in the female staff quarters, and then, once it's built, the housing for female imagers.”

“That will do for now. Where is she?”

“In the conference room.”

“Introduce me so I can get to know this impressive young person.”

Under Captain Desyrk came into the room where I was waiting, sitting at one of the chairs with my arms resting on the big table, followed by another soldier.

“Joli, this Major Volytr, he is the senior imager here and in charge of all the imagers in this Collegium,” said Desyrk.

I stood away from the chair and bowed my head as I had seen people do when introduced to one of the sahib’s men.

“I am happy to meet you. I hope I can stay with the imagers because my family sent me away,” I said.

“Yes, you can stay here, but you will have to work because we all work at something to keep the Collegium going,” said Volytr.

“I’m used to hard work, but all I know is what you do on a farm,” I said.
“Don’t worry about that now. Let’s get you settled into a room and some new clothes,” said Voltyr.

“Desyrk, please take Joli to the visiting imager lodging and get her settled, then bring her to the mess hall for supper.”

“Yes sir. Come with me Joli,” he said.

We walked out of the administration building, using the door away from the gate. I looked around at all the buildings: so many and of different sizes.
As we walked, Desyrk explained what each of the buildings was used for and what they were called.

“We just came out of the administration building and over there on the left are the barracks for trainee and senior imagers, “ he said and waved his hand toward two long buildings. Just ahead of us in the mess hall,” he said, and noticed that I had furrowed my brow.

“I see that you aren’t familiar with the military names. That’s where we have our meals. There’s breakfast from 5th to 7th glass, lunch or the midday meal is from 12th glass to 2nd glass of the afternoon and supper is from 5th to 7th glass. Do you understand what I just said?” he asked.

“I understand that we have three meals and they are served in that building,” I said and pointed to the building we were coming to.

“The last time I made a mess I had to clean it up by myself,” I said as I smiled to him.

He chuckled and said, “I think you’ll do alright if you keep that attitude”.

He led me to the building to the right of the mess hall and entered through a door in the center of the building, across from the mess hall. There was a woman at a table just inside the door and Desyrk introduced me.

“This is Joli, she is an imager trainee, but we don’t have a place for her in the regular barracks so Major Volytr would like her to use the visiting imager quarters until we can make more permeate housing arrangements.”

“Joli, this is Mistress Holyswryth. She is in charge of all of the support staff,”

I bowed my head and said, “I’m pleased to meet you,”

“You're a polite little girl, that’s good,” she replied. “The visiting imager rooms are bigger than the room you will eventually be given, so enjoy the extra accommodations while you can.”

“If you could get her settled in, I’d appreciate it,” he said, then turned to me and said “it’s a quint before 6th glass. I’ll meet you in the mess at 6th glass.”

I nodded my head and said, “thank you for helping me.”

As he headed out of the door back toward the mess hall, Mistress Holyswryth stood and said, “if you will follow me,” and walked down a hall that led to the right.

She stopped at the last door on the left and said, "This will be your room for now. You have to make your own bed and keep it clean. You can get bedding in the closet across the hall from the washroom. The washroom for women is at the other end of this hall on the right. Do you understand?” she asked.

“You don’t have time to get your towels and bedding before supper so just put you bag on the bed and go get washed up before going to the mess hall.”

“Thank you again, this room is more that I could have hoped for,” I said.

After washing, I made my way into the mess hall. I followed several women into the building and ended up in the biggest kitchen imaginable.

“Don’t stand there with your mouth hanging open, the washroom is over there,” one of the women in the kitchen said to me and nodded her head to the back of the room.

“I’m supposed to meet Under Captain Desyrk in the mess hall,” I replied.

“Well, go through the right hand door and you’ll be in the dining area,” she said as she shook her head.

The dinning area had four tables: three that went the same way, beside each other and one cross wise at the end nearest the kitchen. I found Under Captain Desyrk standing just inside one of the doors at the other end of the hall and went to tell him I was hear.

“Under Captain Desyrk, I’m here,” I said.

He swung around and seemed surprised to see me.

“I didn’t expect you to come in through the kitchen,” he said. “We imagers usually sit at the table over on the right side. The majors and Sub Commander sit at the head table, across the top of the room.”

“Come with me and let me introduce you to the other imagers.”

We walked over to the table where the man had the same badges on his in his collar as Desyrk, except his badge was gold.

“This is Captain Threkhyl, he was one of the first imager under captains.”

An older man with red hair streaked with gray and hard blue eyes nodded in my direction.

“These two young men are imager trainees who have joined us over the last two seasons: Kolyrt, with the blond hair and Evannt. They, like, you are from Antiago”.

“Gentlemen, my I present Joli, our newest imager trainee,” he said and waved his hand toward me.

I smiled and took the chair next to Desyrk. As I did, trainee Kolyrt said “little peppers are often the most spicy,” except he said it in Pharsi, not Bovarian, the language of Antiago. This was a saying my maman would use; it means that what was on the outside could hide what was on the inside.

I answered, “You won’t get burned if you avoid the seeds,” I replied, also in Pharsi, which took Kolyrt by surprise.

“You understand and speak Pharsi, I see,” said Desyrk.

“Yes, maman taught us both Pharsi and Bovarian,” I replied.

“So what did he say and what was your response,” asked Evannt?

“He said that ‘little peppers are often the most spicy’ and I told him that he won’t get burned if he avoids the seeds. It’s a Pharsi saying that means that looks can hide the truth,” I replied.

Everyone chuckled, even the grim faced Threkhyl.

“I see that she can give as good as she gets,” said Threkhyl.

A server placed a platter of some kind of meat and a bowl of steamed vegetables was in the center of the table and we passed them to each other to fill our plates. More food followed until we had as big a meal as I had ever seen.

“If you don’t want wine or hot tea, you will need to go into the kitchen to get something different,” said Desyrk.

“A little of the red would be fine,” I said.

I remember that on year-end or other special days we would have a little wine at our meals and my eyes moistened.

The talk at the meal was about what the other trainees were doing and what would happen next. I was asked to tell the story of the discovery my imaging ability and what had happened to reveal it to my parents. I couldn’t say why, but I didn’t tell the story of my travel to Westisle.

Kolyrt and Evannt excused themselves just after they finished their meals saying that they had studying to do.

“Let me tell you what your tasks and schedule will be for a while,” said Desyrk. “At 8th glass tomorrow, after breakfast, Kolyrt will take you around the collegium to collect a set of clothes, shoes, books and other supplies you will need here. At first glass after noon, you have a meeting at Major Voltyr’s office and he will tell you what your daily schedule will be.”

“The day after tomorrow at 5th glass you will need to be at the exercise fieled on the other side of the staff quarters, the building where your room is. You should wear the exercise clothes and shoes you will get tomorrow. Imaging requires stamina and core strength and we have one of the regular army under captains who is good at keeping us in shape. This a standing order from Major Volytr that all imagers have to do this, so you are included,” he said with a smile.

I walked back to my room, then decided to collect my bedding and towels, so I went to the linen closet and was amazed at all of the folded materials. A young woman, who looked a little older than me, followed me into the room and I turned to her and asked, “can you help me with all of this?”

“Can’t you reach the wash clothes on the top shelf?” she answered.

“Its not that,” I said, “I just don’t know what they are all for. I just got here from our farm near Axitil and we didn’t have all of these things.”

“Who hired you and what is your job?” she huffed.

“I’m sorry, my name is Joli and I’m an imager trainee and I just got here today”

“You are an imager? I didn’t know that there were female imagers,” she said, a little less gruffly.

“My name is Jynen and I am one of the kitchen staff. I want to be a cook but that may take a while. Let me help you set up your room to make up for my shortness.”

“Thank you. I have so much to learn because we didn’t have all these things at the farm.”

She handed me a stack of towels and collected another stack of sheets and a blanket and turned to me and asked, “Which room is yours?”

“Last door on the left,” I said and lead the way.

“This is the visitor’s room. Why are you in here?”

“I don’t know. Mistress Holywreath said this was mine until they can find another place for me”

“Well it really is a nice room, much better than my room, and no roommate. And by the way, her name is Holys-wryth,” Jynen said and laughed. “Holywreath – that’s good, I’ll have to remember it.”

I just shrugged and said I was glad to be here.

It seemed to take just a few minutes to get my bed made and put the towels away and the curtains on the window.

“There, that looks much better,” she said. “Would you like and explanation of the mysteries of the washroom?”

“Yes please, all we had at the farm was a pump house and a privy and I have no idea what to use for what and how to make it work.”

“Meet me in the washroom in a quint, and leave your clothes here except for this robe,” she said and indicated a robe hung on a peg beside the door.”

I put my clothes in the chest of draws and then removed what I was wearing and hung the dress and coat on pegs and put my under clothes in a hamper. I wrapped the robe around me and picked up a set of towels and a wash cloth and headed to the washroom.

When I got there Jynen and a few others were using the facilities. Jynen motioned me over to where she was standing by some bowls, much like the one in Mixy’s home.

“Have you ever used one of these, or one of those,” she asked an pointed first to the bowl and then the indoor privy. “This is called a lavatory and that, a toilet. To the left of each toilet,” she pointed to what looked like a larger toilet without a seat, “is a female washer you use right after you use the toilet to clean your bottom. You can use it anytime you want but it’s really useful during that time of the month. You sit on it facing the wall and the knobs control the water that comes up to clean your bottom. Back there are shower stalls. There are two knobs on the wall. The left is for hot water and the right for cold; the water comes out of the pipe that comes out of the wall above the knobs, way above the knobs in your case,” she said with a small laugh.

How had people thought all these things up, I wondered.

“Because we work in the kitchen and handle food, we usually shower at least every day, usually just before our shift starts; at the 4th glass for early shift and at 10th glass for late shift,” she explained and many times when we come from work. Kitchen work is hard and hot so a refreshing shower is very welcome.

Jynen also explained where I could find soap and lotion.

“Thank you so much for showing me all this. I know you must think I am some kind of dumb wilderness bunny.”

“Actually I had to ask about all this piping and water works, so don’t feel too bad,” she said with a wink. “We girls have to help each other in this sea of men.”

I used the toilet and then the bottom washer. I have never had such sensations in that part of my body. I stood under the warm water in the shower and when I got out and went to my room I could barely climb into my bed.

It seemed that I had just dropped off to sleep and I heard voices and people walking outside my door. I lay still and listened and heard a bell ring four times. It must be the early shift getting ready to work.

I wondered if I’d get back to sleep and before I knew it I heard the bell ring again and guessed it must be the 5th glass. I could still get a little more rest so I just lay there. I let my hands cup my breasts and focused on them, visualizing that they were a little bigger and shaped more like Jynen’s and then they were. Doing this tired me and I dropped off until I heard a bell ringing and it caused me to wake up. This time I got up and dressed in one of the new-to-me blouse and pants that Mixy’s aunt Colbuyn had given me. I reasoned that if I was getting new clothes, I would likely to need to move in ways that would be too revealing to do in a dress.

I headed over to the dining hall to meet with Kolyrt to start my life as an imager trainee.

(10) The work of an imager trainee -Working the body and as well as the mind

This is a fan-fiction set on Terahnar the world created by L.E. Modesitt for his Imager series. I have no rights to any of it and don’t claim to. I just wanted to see what a story about a MTF transgender person set in the time just after Rex Regis consolidated Lydar into Solidar would be like.

I’d like to thank Anne Mouse for her help and good suggestions.

I sat across the table at breakfast from Kolyrt and Evannt so when we finished our meal we set off collecting items I would need for my training.

First we went to a small room and I got four books: History of Tilbor, Basic Maths, Natural History volume I, and Ancient Literature of Teleryn. I also got a bag made of a tough cloth, much like the cloth of the sails on the ship on which I begin my trip. I put my books in the bag along with a stack of blank paper, an ink pen and a bottle of ink pulse a charcoal stylus. The next stop was a tailor who was at a loss as to what he was to produce for me. Kolyrt told him I was supposed to have the standard uniform of an imager: short jacket, vest and trousers, underwear and exercise clothes and boots. He wanted to know if I should have a skirt or dress or what? I suggested that the standard outfit would do to start and that if I required more Major Volytr would let me know. However when it came to underclothes he was completely lost at sea. He had no idea what I needed or how to produce it. I thought a moment. “I will ask Mistress Holyswryth what I should do” and that seemed to relieve his stress.

I was glad I had worn my pants because measuring the inside length of my leg could have been very embarrassing. My bust and waist measurements caused him to blush and Kolyrt to laugh. I gave him the kind of look Odela, my older sister had used on me to put me in my place and that seemed to work.

We spent the rest of the morning walking around the grounds of the Collegium. It was a small town within the town of Westisle. The only things that were missing were shops, if you need something not supplied by the army, you would have to go into town or take a ferry to Llantiago. Kolyrt also explained when and where I would get my pay.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“We get paid, just like the rest of the army. Trainees get a a silver a week, Under Captains get 3 silvers a week, Captains get a gold per week and so on. The higher the rank the more you are paid. The purser sets his ledger and cash box at the top table in the mess hall the last day of the month from 2nd glass to 4th glass. If you aren’t there to get paid, it is added to your account for the next payday. If there are special circumstances that cause you to miss the pay period and you need your coins, you’ll need to ask Captain Threkhyl or Major Volytr for a special pay voucher that you can take to the paymaster. His desk is in the Quartermasters office. That office is in the workroom building on the bottom floor in the end nearest the mess hall.”

“I’ve never gotten paid any coins, ever. I had never even held a copper coin in m hand until Desyrk gave me one and asked me to image a copy.” I said. “What am I supposed to do with my money? You’ve given me food, a bed and clothes. What else do you need?”

Kolyrt just shook his head and said, “just you wait. Once you get settled you will find things that you have to have and then the silvers will come in handy.”

“Where am I supposed to keep these coins after I get them?” I asked.

“I’ve imaged a secret box in the wall of my room and put my pay in there until I need to use it,” he said.

“When I get my coins I’ll try to do something like that”.

After the mid-day meal, I put the strap of the considerably heavy bag with my books and other classroom supplies over my shoulder and made my way to Major Volytr’s office. I sat on the bench in the hall across from the door to his office. As the first bell after noon I rapped on the door, and heard “Come in Joli”.

“Have a seat over there,” he said and pointed to two chairs that faced each other separated by a low table.

I walked to the one nearest to me and sat down then put my bag on the floor next to the chair. I looked around and was amazed. There were two windows, one on each wall of the corner office. Beside the windows were shelves with books, plates, bowls and other items. There were shelves that came up about mytre along the interior walls, with pictures above them on both walls. The one behind were I sat had a large and two smaller pictures. The large picture had what looked like an outdoor cafe with people sitting at the tables. The two smaller pictures were scenes of mountains and a rocky shore. I had never seen anything like them before.

“They are good representations of the mountains and sea shore near where I grew up. The café is in Solis and I used to eat there with the man who is now the Maiter of the Imago Collegium in L’Excelsis the capital of out new land of Solidar. Before we defeated Rex Karst, it was called Varina,” said Volytr as he walked over and sat in the other chair.

“The vision of the Maiter of the Imago Collegium was to establish a place where imagers would be safe to grow and learn and become useful members of Solidar. Our prime goal is to preserve this vision, which isn’t as easy as it sounds. Originally he had not planned on having a second place for imagers, just the one in L’Excelsis, but the reality, as demonstrated across the bay in Llantiago, is that if you put all of your eggs in one basket, that basket becomes a prime target and to get rid of imagers all you need to do is smash the basket. For example to remove the Autoarch and all his imagers in his palace, all you had to do was turn his palace into his tomb.”

“Enough recent history,” he said, “tell me about your self and how you ended up here.”

I spent what I thought was a long time in telling my story. The only ‘detail’ I left out was that Joli used to be a boy.

“I suspect that your trip was more interesting than you let on and required more that a little cleverness and use of imaging. That is both good and bad. From now until you reach the status of advanced trainee, I ask you not to do any imaging except as directed by one of the senior imagers. You may not realize it, but uncontrolled imaging can be very dangerous for those around you and also for you.”

“Let me tell you about the way the Autoarch’s master imagers kept from being captured in the battles we fought. I saw this with my own eyes and Kolytr can vouch for what I say because he used to be an apprentice imager for the Autoarch. At the last, when they knew they were about to be captured, they imaged a disk of gold.”

“Are you familiar with gold?” he asked.

“No, I know that it is vary valuable and shines with a yellowish color,” I answered.

“Yes gold is a color as well as a metal. Here have a look at this,” he said and handed me a gold coin he took from his coat pocket. “Notice how heavy and dense it is.”

“This is important; when you create something by imaging, you draw on the heat from things, including the people, around you. When Under Captain Desyrk asked you to make a copy of his copper coin, there was a sufficient amount of copper nearby that your imaging could draw on to create the coin you imaged. If, right here and now you tried to image a gold coin the same size as the copper coin you copied, you would be taking the gold from our bodies and from others who may be nearby. We need it inside us to live and that is why the Autarch’s imagers created the gold disk; order to disrupt their bodies and kill themselves so they would not be captured.”

I was stunned.

I hadn’t even imagined that the things I had imaged, the candle, the clothes, had come from things around me.

“Until we set up the Collegium, imagers had to learn almost everything on their own and I know of more than a few times where imagers have killed themselves by doing something they didn’t understand. What we are trying to do here is give you the knowledge and understanding so that you can image and survive.”

“The hard truth is that as your imaging capabilities increases and your power increases, the likelihood that you will kill yourself increases. This is why I ask you not to image until you have more control and understanding. It is also why I want you to stay within the walls of this Collegium until one of the senior imagers tells you that you can go beyond the walls. We don’t want you or others hurt. Do you see why this must be so?”

“Ye-es, I didn’t know that what I can do was so dangerous,” I stammered.

“Well we want you to grow up and become as good an imager as you can, but you need to understand that it takes time and effort.” he said.

“You have the small book titled The Rules and Standards for Imagers?” he asked.

I looked down in my bag and removed the thinnest book and saw that was the title.

“Tomorrow at 8th glass please knock on my door as you did today. I may ask you to wait if I’m busy with something or someone, so it’s best that you bring your books with you to read while you wait. I want you to read the first part of Rules and Standards. You should also read the first chapter of the natural history book as well. We will talk about them and proceed from there. At the 10th glass you should go to Under Captain Desyrk’s office just down the hall and he will work with you on the history text. At 2nd glass after noon, you will need to report to Major Alynkyr, his office is across the hall from Desyrk’s office. He will work with you on Maths. You will need to change clothes and be at the exercise yard for group calisthenics at 5th glass. We have learned that a strong body helps make a strong imager.”

“I suggest that you head back to your room and start reviewing the texts I mentioned. Also, if you will write down any words you don’t know or understand and bring them with you so that we can help you understand what you are reading.”

My head was spinning as I walked back to my room and started going through the books. I took only one break before I went to supper and read until 10th bell before getting into bed and to sleep.

My first experience with “group calisthenics” was memorable, at least for me.

My exercise clothes consisted of flexible, ankle-high, lace-up shoes, a tick cotton top with long sleeves and a pair of pants made from the same material with a draw string waist. Not very long after I got to the exercise field a man, standing on a platform on one side of the field, blew a whistle and yelled, “Fall in!”

I took a position in the row farthest from the man in front and noticed that everyone around me was twisting and swinging their arms, so I started to do the same things.

“Jumping jacks, on the count. Hup, hup, hup,…,” called out the man on the platform and everyone around me started jumping and spreading their legs and raising their arms over their heads, so I tried to do the same. Very soon I was gasping for air, but I kept at it although I didn’t jump as high or move as much as this went on and it seemed to go on forever!

“Deep squats and bends, on the count. Hup, hup, hup,….”

I tried my best to keep up with the men around me but I quickly became so tired that I couldn’t keep up with the group.

This process went on and on from one tiring thing to the next.

Finally the man blew his whistle again and yelled “10 laps!” and everyone around me started to run slowly toward the Collegium wall where there was a trail and begin to follow it around the compound. I wasn’t able to run all the way around, not even half way around. I walked most of the way and when I got back to the field, I headed toward my room.

I stripped and hug up my sweaty clothes, collected a towel, washcloth pit on my robe and headed to the washroom. The water in the shower was cold but as hot as I was, I didn’t care. Drying my body wasn’t a problem, but my hair was something else. It was getting to just above my shoulders and it seemed to take forever to dry.

I made it to the mess hall at half past 6th bell and sank into a seat at a mostly deserted table.

I was helping myself to a stew when officer came over and sat across from me.

“I saw that you joined us today,” he said. “I’m Squad Leader Smyte and I don’t think we’ve been introduced?”

“My name is Joli and I’m the newest imager trainee.”

“That answers several of my questions. I didn’t think we were recruiting soldiers as young as you, and I know we don’t recruit girls. Even little sticks like you,” he chuckled.

“Yes, well exercise at 5th bell twice a week is on my schedule and today was my first time. I hope I live to make it to the next time you hold your pain sessions.”

“Eat these two juicy fruits, their juice and flesh will keep the stiffness and soreness down,” he said as he handed me two orange colored fruits and begin to peal the skin from one.

“I heard that you survived a ship wreck and then walked here on your own.”

“Not quite, I was tossed into the sea when a pirate ship attacked the one I was on, but a kind family found me on the road and brought me to Llantiago.”

Smyt just shook his head and said, “I want you to build up your strength gradually, so here is what I want you to do. After I start each exercise, I’ll give a toot on my whistle and that will mean you can stop that exercise and rest until I start the next one. Then when we do our running, I want you to slowly run 100 steps then walk 100 steps. Just do once around the wall for now and I’ll tell you when to do more.”

“Thank you very much. This is all so new to me and I’ve never been very strong.”

“You remind me of my little sister and I want to increase your strength and endurance. The best way to do that is to start slowly and build. If you try to do too much too quickly you’ll just hurt yourself.”

I had been in the Collegium week and it seemed both longer and shorter. When I was with my tutors, time could drag but then the time between the end of a day and the start of the next seemed to fly. At first it seemed that I spent as much time writing down words I didn’t understand as learning what I was supposed to be reading. The initial sessions with each tutor were all questions with me feeling more and more dumb. Major Volytr talked to me during our last session and explained what was their plan for me.

“Joli, please excuse us as we attempt to put together a course of study that meets your needs,” he said. “I grew up in a scholarium. I was sent there when I was just a year or two older then you are now. The big difference between that scholarium and here is that we don’t have any experience of bring up youngsters as young as you, so we have to create something altogether new. You have been most helpful in telling us what we need focus on to help you. Please be patient with us while continuing to do your best to learn what we have asked you to do.”

After talking with Volytr, I didn’t feel so backward and dumb.

Captain Threkhyl worked with me on imaging. He was gruff and almost nothing I did seemed to please him. In our first session, we went to one of the workrooms where there was a piece of wood about a myter wide and tall, propped on its edge leaning against the outer wall of the room.

“I want you to stand at this line on the floor and image a hole in that piece of wood,” he said.

“Where should I place the hole?” I asked.

“In that piece of wood leaning against the wall,” he said.

“I meant is there an exact place you want the hole in the wood?” I answered.

“Remove that knot you see in the upper right corner”.

I focused on the knot and imagined that it was a hole and then the knot was gone and there was a hole in the wood.|

“That’s fine, but can you put a hole all the way through the board, as big as the one you started?”

I focused again and the hole went all the way through the board.

He looked at me out of the side of his eye, and then said, “can you image a knife into the board?”

I focused again and this time I wanted a knife to go through the center of the board, stuck in all the way to the handle, and there it was. I felt a little faint, but I stood still and didn’t say a thing.

“Come over here and put your back against the wall and do that again.”

I walked to the wall, turned around and put my back against it and concentrated on putting a hole through the board to the right of the knife and then putting another knife through the board to the right of the hole. When the hole and knife appeared, I did sway and had to put my hands against the wall to steady myself.

“Here, eat some of this jelled biscuit,” he said and handed me the biscuit and a mug of juice.

“Let’s go outside and see what your range is,” he said and picked up another piece of wood and opened the outside door that opened onto the parade field.

I was able to put a small hole through the wood and stick a knife into the wood up to 50 paces, but I had a stabbing pain in my head and was feeling dizzy.

“Eat all of this now before you go to your next class, and walk slowly even if you are a little late. If your tutor says anything about your being late tell him to come see me.”

As soon as I entered Major Alynkyr’s office, I told him what Captain Threkhyl said and he smiled and said, “lets review some of the things we’ve covered in our last two sessions.”

I was learning that imaging was a lot like exercise; both were very tiring, but exercise made you muscles sore while imaging made your head ache.

* * * * *

“Come in,” called Majro Volytr from his study.

He was surprised to see Mistress Holyswryth come through the door. She closed it and said, “I have a concern that I believe you should address.”

He had never had more than a few passing discussions with her and her presence in his office had him puzzeled.

“I have been watching what you are doing to our young lady and I want to let you know that there is a major deficiency in your curriculum,” she announced. “Are you attempting to turn her into a him?” she asked.

This took him by surprise. “I’m not certain I understand what you are objecting to and trying to say?” he responded.

“She spends all her time in her books, being drilled about what is in her books and then running her raged around this compound. When is she supposed to learn what SHE needs to a girl and then a proper lady?” she asked.

“I cannot honestly say that I ever thought about that aspect of her development.”

“Well you should. It takes a lifetime of constant learning to be a proper lady, even when your family is well to do. If I am to understand correctly, she has come to us from a small farm days away from anything that could be called civilization.”

He wasn’t sure that crofters and other backwoods families would agree with that description but he was interested to hear what she had in mind.

“What needs to be done to correct this deficiency?”

“I suggest two steps that you should do starting next week. First, I suggest that she be instructed in feminine society and deportment. Next I suggest that she be allowed to participate in the social gatherings that occur in our residence. This would mean a lessening of her current assignments so that she has some time available to her to participate in these activities.”

“Would you be willing to outline such a course of study and to supervise it?” he asked.

“Certainly,” she replied. “I wouldn’t have come here to speak about this if I had not thought through the consequences and obligations.”

* * * * *

At the start of the first week in my third month, I found that my schedule had changed and that I was to meet with Mistress Holyswryth three times a week. Was I going to learn about cooking or cleaning, I wondered?

* * * * *

“What is your assessment of our new little imager, Captain Threkhyl?” asked Major Volytr. “Does she have any potential?”

“Sir, after you and me, right now she is the strongest imager in the camp.”

“That is quite a claim Captain. What evidence makes you say that?”

“Have a look at this target board. This knife and hole were imaged at 50 paces.” He said as he touched the knife and put his finger in the hole.”

“I stopped the evaluation at that distance because I didn’t want her to hurt herself.”

“It appears she has plenty of power right now. What would you think about having Desyrk work with her on fine control imaging and also start developing shields,” said Volytr.

“I think that would work out for the best,” said Threkhyl.

* * * * *

“Tell me Joli, do you have any sisters or brothers?” asked Mistress Holyswryth.

“Yes Mistress, I have two sisters, one older and one younger than me,” I answered.

This was my first session with her and I wasn’t sure what to expect.

“Well you are at an important stage in your life: a time when your body will be changing; when your emotions may occasionally get the better of you; when you will make some decisions that will set the path for the rest of our life.”

“There are things we need to talk about so that I know that you know the kinds of things mothers tell their daughters. Also I have insisted that you participate in some of the activities that our young and older ladies do as part of our social life.”

“The first item on my list is your physical development. Have you started to have your monthly cycle?”

I knew what she was talking about because my older sister had started to have periods of bleeding just months before I had to leave the farm.

“No Mistress, I have not.”

“There are supplies in the linen closet that you may use and here is a special garment for you to wear. The cloth pads you will find in the closet fit here,” she said and indicated the center of what looked like a type of diaper. “There is a special tub in the washroom for you to put the soiled one into.”

I felt my face flush and I also started to worry.

“You will not know this, but in living arrangements such as ours, we all tend to start our bleeding within a few days of each other. I wanted to explain this to you in case your time came earlier or later than you expected.”

“I know that imager training is rigorous, and that you are required to wear a uniform of sorts, but I have some suggestions that should help you present a more feminine appearance”

She went on to talk about types of dresses, split-skirts, blouses, jackets shoes, hose, ear jewelry, and scarves that would be appropriate, ending with a statement that she planned to write a message to Major Volytr requesting approval of the additional wardrobe for you.

“Men are happy wearing the same thing day after day. They don’t expect or want to changer their appearance. We women want our outfits to enhance our plans for the occasion, to do that we need variety of options to choose from. I will be speaking with the Major after he read my message, so don’t worry about the process. We will have to travel to LLantiago several times to purchase what we need.”

I was glad she had brought this subject up because I was getting bored with wearing only the same clothes day after day. I was even more excited to hear that I would be getting out of this walled compound.

“Now tonight I want you to join us in the parlor at 8th bell. It is time for you to learn some useful homemaking skills. I believe that it is time for your next class, you and I will meet again day after tomorrow,” she said.

That evening, when I entered the parlor – a large room on the 2nd floor above the entry hall, I recognized two people, Mistress Holyswryth and Jynen, the cook trainee who had helped me the day I arrived.

“Ladies, I want you to meet Joli,” the Mistress announced to the room as I came in the door.

I looked around and it seemed to me that everyone who lived in the building was there. I gave a small smile as I looked around.

“Come sit here and tell us about yourself and how you came to be here,” said the Misterss.

I did as she asked and except for a few details told the story my coming to the Collegium.

“She has been a very busy girl since her arrival, in fact I had to remind the good Major that we girls need time to be with each other,” she smiled and said. “She’s been forced to spend her waking hours in the presence of men and that is no way for a young girl to gain the knowledge she will need to survive.”

There was light laughter all around at these words.

“Joli, would you mind answering some questions I’m sure the girls have some, I know I do?” she asked.

“I’ll try to answer them as best I can,” I said.

Over the next glass, I answered questions about imaging and my training until finally Mistress said, “ladies, I think we have exhausted or new girl and I know she has readings and other course work to do before she gets to sleep tonight. Thank you for putting up with our questions, Joli.” Having said that, she looked around the room and walked out.

Several of the younger girls, including Jynen came to me and told me how glad hey were to meet me and that they would be glad to help me anyway they could.

As I was leaving the parlor, Jynen said, “do you mind if I walk with you to your room?”

I replied, “not at all.”

“I saw some men working in here last week but it doesn’t look like they did anything,” she said as we went into my room.

“Some imagers were in here. They put a thin layer of metal on each wall, the floor and ceiling as well as the door. Then they installed window glass made with a special metal. This is the same thing that they have done to all of the imagers’ rooms in the other buildings,” I answered.

“Remember I told everyone that I imaged a lit candle in my sleep? Well metal keeps my imaging inside this room. It’s a safety precaution for everyone around me. It’s the same as the rooms imagers had in the Autoriarch’s palace.”

“Well I’m glad we will be able to spend some time with you,” she said, then hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

I didn’t let go of my hug, but kissed her back on the lips then I realized what I had done and backed away saying, “I’m sorry, I got carried away.”

“That’s alright, I enjoyed it,” she said and turned left me standing alone in my room.

I plopped on my bed. My legs were weak and it felt like I had butterflies in my stomach.

(13) If you can’t touch me you can’t hurt me

We all build walls around ourselves to keep safe from the bumps and knocks

This is a fan-fiction set on Terahnar the world created by L.E. Modesitt for his Imager series. I have no rights to any of it and don’t claim to. I just wanted to see what a story about a MTF transgender person set in the time just after Rex Regis consolidated Lydar into Solidar would be like.

Thank you Anne for your editorial comments and help with making this story readable.

“Joli, send a stone from the basket so that it hits me right here,” Desyrk said and tapped the center of his chest.

I didn’t want to hurt him so I sort of image-lobbed it at him.

It bounced off of something I couldn’t see, about an arms length from his body and dropped to the floor.

“A little harder please,” he said with a smile.

I focused on sending a rock at him like it had come from a sling!

The same thing happened, except the rock rebounded and the bounced around the room.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“We call it an imager shield,” he said. “I imagine that there is an invisible mesh like wall between me and whatever might hurt me.

“Let’s see if you can create a shield and I’ll test it by pressing on it with my shield.”

I thought about a blanket made of gauze and there was one, right in front of me but Desyrk easily knocked it down and mentioned that it wasn’t invisible.

Eventually he had me create a solid wall and then make it invisible and then make it strong enough to resist his pressing on it with his shield.

After what seemed like forever of creating and recreating shield after shield, I felt as though I had run laps around the wall.

“That’s enough for today. I want you to listen to what I’m about to tell you: only create a shield when you are outside, not in any room; especially your room. If you were to try it in your room you could kill yourself.

“Feel how much cooler the air is right here near us? That’s because imaging uses the heat that is found all around us including in living things that are near us. At the battle of Viaraina, the Commander of imagers froze over 50,000 soldiers plus every one in the Chateau of the ruler. He also wrapped the entire Chateau in an alabaster stone so hard it cannot be chipped or scratched. The river Aluse had ice flows a foot thick and every bush, tree and shrub for a half mille south of the Chateau was frozen and turned to dust. The more powerful the imaging, the more heat it takes and uses.”

I now understood more clearly what Major Volytr meant when he told me that the more powerful I became, the greater the danger I represented to myself and to others.

After two more weeks of work I was able to create shields that could stop a knife or an arrow coming toward me.

“You have made a good start on imager shields, now watch closely,” said Desyrk and he vanished from my sight and after a short time he just as quickly reappeared. “That’s a concealment or invisibility shield. Its very similar to a protective shield but you concentrate on becoming invisible behind the shield. You try it.”

I first created a protective shield then I focused on becoming invisible.

“Is it working?” I asked

“Who said that!” said Desyrk with a laugh, turning his head from side to side as if looking for the origin of the voice.

That gave me an idea. I was still invisible and I focused on my voice coming from across the room, as if I had moved.

“This is really neat,” I imaged projected my voice.

When Desyrk turned toward the spot where my voice apparently came from, I released my shields and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Hey! That’s a pretty good trick! I’ll have to use it some time,” he laughed.

Two afternoons a week we had cooking class. I was the fourth girl in the class and the only imager. The others were kitchen trainees who had all been cooking from the time they were little. I was fortunate that maman had insisted that I learn my way around the stove along with my older sister so I wasn’t that much further behind than anyone else. The classes were held in the small kitchen in the women’s residence hall. The kitchen was a room on the first floor at one end of the hall that went from one side of the hall to the other.

The first classes focused on basic food preparation such as knife skills, the uses and characteristics of various pots, pans, skillets, grills, and on and on. I didn’t know there were so many things to cook in. We had classes on various types of meat, then vegetables and on and on. We ended each session by cooking our evening meal and eating it in the parlor next to the kitchen.

I was happy to find that Jynen was the instructor for one of the sessions each week. She was so helpful and patient with me and most times we would sit together to eat the meal I had prepared. It was so nice to talk with her about our families as well as the ways to cook different types of food.

Her family lived in the village of Westisle. Her parents had a chandlery and her brothers were sailors. She was the baby and the only girl so she was used to being around men and learned from a very young age how to get her way with a smile or pout. Talking with her was so nice. It reminded me of talking with my sisters and mother.

As my classroom studies caused me to spend more and more time reading and writing papers so I started taking a tray of food to my room so that I could eat and work at the same time. About the second time Jynen was instructing and I took a tray to my room, she asked, “mind if I join you?”

“Not at all but I have some reading to do so I may not be much company.”

“That’s alright. I just like sharing meals with you,” she said and smiled.

We talked about what I was studying and what she was doing in the kitchen. It helped me with my studies when I had to explain what I was trying to learn.

“Talking to you really helps me because if I can explain it to you, I know I understand it, but if I can’t explain it, I need to study more. Do I help you at all?”

“Yes, when we talk about what we cooked, I learn what I’ve been able to explain to you and the others, and what I need to do a better job explaining.”

“I really like your smile, especially when it reaches your eyes,” she said during one of our meals together.

“I like being with you, so smiling is easy,” I said.

“I have this Solayi off, would you like to come have a meal with my parents? We can walk there, it’s not very far.”

“Yes I’d love to, but I have ask Major Volytr and be back here before curfew.”

“That’s fine, because I have to be back and ready to work the first meal shift starting next week. We can leave after I finish the morning meal and have time to see the sights of Westisle village,” she said with a small smile.

The next day, at the end of my morning session with Major Volytr I asked if I could visit Jynen’s family in the village Solyai.

“As long as you are not traveling alone and return before curfew, I think that would be good for you.”

When he said that, I wanted to hug him.

Jynen’s kitchen duty schedule ended at 3rd bell in the afternoon, but I had sessions until 6th bell so I was more than a little anxious to tell her I could go with her. I went first to the parlor to see if she was there and headed for her room when one of the girls in the parlor said that she had just left.

I tapped on her door and called, “Jynen I’ve got some good news.”

She opened the door and invited me in and I saw that she was in her nightshirt.

“I’m sorry to keep you up but Major Volytr gave me permission to visit your family Solayi, but I have to be back by curfew.”

“Why don’t you come into bed with me,” she said with a smile.

“I can’t sleep with you and it’s not because I don’t want to.”

“What is it then?”

“Remember I told you that I imaged a candle in my sleep? Well what if I had a bad dream and I did some imaging that hurt you? I don’t want to take the chance.”

“Well what if we don’t sleep?”

After a glass or so I went back to my room. I felt I was floating down the hall but I didn’t check to see if my feet were actually touching the floor.

I dropped off to sleep thinking about walking with Jynen into the Village of Westisle. We were walking down a street and suddenly thee were three men running towards us yelling “get them!” I needed a wall to keep the men from attacking us and then there was one, across the sidewalk and street.

I sat up and opened my eyes and realized that I was in my room and had been dreaming. My heart was pounding and my breath came in little gasps. I took deep breaths and got up, walked around the room several times until my heart stopped racing. I lit a candle and went to my desk to do some assigned reading and eventually my mind settled enough to get back to sleep.

I was two years younger than Jynen. Her hair was white-blond. She was just a little taller than I was and a little heaver because of the muscles she had developed working in the kitchen. Her black eyes looked like dark gems against her hair. They seemed to sparkle as she talked about the ships, the sea, and the village as we walked together along the harbor. I realized that I was both happier and calmer than I had been in a long time. The last time I could recall being this happy was before I was sent away from home. As we walked, I reached over and squeezed Jynen’s hand.

“It has been a very long time since I’ve been this happy,” I said “and you are the reason for it.”

She blushed and said, “I’m so glad. I want you to be happy. Remember I told you I like to see you smile.”

We walked and held hands until she pulled me to a stop and said, “That’s the chandlery, the “Sea Chest”.”

The three-story building faced the harbor and had a painting of a chest with rope and tackle spilling out and the words SEA CHEST in an arch above the chest.

As we entered the store, a voice called, “Jynen, you’re here early, Maman is upstairs,” a thin man said, from behind the counter at the rear of the large room filled with all sorts of things used on a ship and supplies that sailors would need.

“Papa, this is Joli. I told you about her and here she is, the only female imager on Westisle,” as she said, this she seemed to be as proud as if she was showing off a prized pony.

“It is very nice to meet you Factor,” I said.

“Please call me Gerydn,” he said, “now go on upstairs and let your Maman know you are here or she will think I’ve lashed you to a mast.”

I looked around and noticed that there were several large wooden posts supporting the ceiling and recognized them as sections of masts like the ones on the ship I had sailed in.

We climbed the stairs onto a landing and through double doors into a parlor. We went through the parlor into a kitchen where a dark haired version of Jynen was coming around a large table in the middle of the room.

“What have you brought home, little Jyn?” she called.

“This is Joli, the imager I told you about.”

“It’s nice to meet you Mistress," I said.

“Don’t call me Mistress, call me Andyrn,” she said.

“What an impressive kitchen you have, Andyrn. I can see where Jynen learned how to cook such wonderful meals,” I said.

“Jyn, you and Joli go get washed up and come help me prepare the meal.”

As we helped we talked about what had been happening around Westisle and with her brothers, then we talked about what Jynen was learning and doing at the Collegium. Finally we got around to me and I told the tale of my trip to the Collegium. The food was ready to eat when I finished the story of my travels so Andyrn asked, “Joli, please go down and ask Gerydn if he would close up shop and help us enjoy this wonderful meal.”

After helping with the cleanup from the meal, I thanked both Gerydn and Andyrn for their hospitality and promised to return soon. Jynen guided me along a return route that went along a ridge above the village that had a wonderful view of the harbor and Llantiago across the gulf. We stopped at a spot with a stone bench and sat to enjoy the sunset and mood rise.

“I need to tell you something important and I want you to listen to everything before saying anything,” she turned and said to me.

“I have been attracted to you from the first time I meet you. As I examined my feelings I realized that I’m in love with you. I know that you enjoy my company and I hope me telling you this won’t drive you away from me.”

“Oh Jynen, I’ve been in love with you from the night we kissed,” I said as I hugged her and felt her tears on my neck. We kissed and held on to each other until well after the setting sun gave way to night.

I had been at the Collegium for about 8 months and was wondering if I would spend the rest of my life on Westisle and inside its walls. The day trip to visit Jynen’s family was wonderful, but I was still on the island.

I moved into nicer quarters after I helped create the extension to the apartment building for female staff and now also a single female imager with room for several more. Two senior imagers came to Westisle from Image Isle at L’Excelsis, the capital of Solidar to help design and supervise the construction. They had done the same thing for the buildings at Image Isle so they were well prepared to help us improve our quarters and other buildings for imagers’ training and work.

They put all the imagers to work remodeling and constructing buildings. This gave us all a chance to work on creating rather than just putting holes and blades in targets. It was nice to know that I had a significant part in helping make special places for any female imagers who might come to us.

“Look closely at this model,” said Under Captain Baelthm, as he touched a wall on the model. “I want you to create a wall just like that over there on the foundation we made the other day. See how the walls blend into the foundation. I want you to make the wall thick enough to fill the space between the chalk marks as well.”

“Concentrate on using the stones from the supply pile to make the wall and draw power from the heat of the fire we started in the pit over there. Take your time and make sure the image is perfectly clear in your mind.”

I felt slightly dizzy and there was a real life-sized wall standing on the foundation.
“That’s very good. Now focus on the size of the window in relation to the wall and make it just like it is on the model.”

Bit by bit all of us junior imagers worked to create the new buildings and modifications to the existing buildings, from walls and doors down to tables, chairs, beds and other furnishings. It was tiring at first but became easier as the weeks went on.

“Well Joli, I want to tell you that you have officially become an imager trainee level one or primus. This means that you will now be getting a silver every week. It also means that you will be allowed to leave the Westisle for short times, with an escort,” said Major Voltyr at the end of one of our sessions after we had completed the construction projects.

I felt like the door to a large pen had been opened. Getting additional silvers would be nice, but I didn’t have any idea just what having that number of coins actually meant.

”This next Samedi we will be going into LLantiago to see about increasing your wardrobe, said Mistress Holyswryth at the end of our session. “Would you like someone else to accompany us?”

“Yes, if Jynen is free I’d like to invite her to come with us,” I replied.

“I thought you might suggest that she come with us so I've already asked and she has agreed. I think it would be good to have a younger person’s perspective when purchasing clothes for you. We will be leaving at 7th bell so that we can catch the morning ferry and we will come back on the night boat that leaves Llantiago at 7th bell. That should give us enough time to shop and perhaps time to see a little of the reconstruction of the city center.”

I had to remember to see the paymaster tonight to collect my silvers that had been accumulating in my account. Mistress had not asked me how I was going to pay for my clothes so I had to ask, “I don’t know if I have enough silvers to buy many clothes. How much do you think I will need?

“If you want to buy some special items, like jewelry or scarves, I think you will have sufficient funds. The Collegium will pay for the clothes that you will be expected to wear while doing imager business.” I was amazed.

“What sort of imager business would require that I have special clothes?”

“Major Volytr ad I have need talking and we think that having a young woman imager could be vary advantageous. No one would expect that a young girl was also an imager and that could be quite an advantage in some circumstances. However dresses all in gray is a giveaway, so we are going to outfit you in some clothes that meet the imager requirements of having gray in them, just not the military type outfit male imagers wear. So tomorrow we will get a few things, dresses, blouses, skirts, jackets and such that you can mix and match to make several different outfits.”

I couldn’t wait to talk to Jynen, so after the afternoon shift finished with the evening meal, I waited a half glass then tapped on her door.

When she opened the door, I closed it behind me and hugged her, “How long have you known about our trip?”

“Mistress Holyswryth asked me yesterday.”

“I’m so happy to get out off this island and so happy that you are coming with me.”

I couldn’t help it, I kissed her lips as we held each other. I felt our bodies press together and felt her hands on my back and then gently caressing my bottom.

“My,” she said, “somebody has a nice set of firm buns.”

“All it takes is a few laps around the wall path every other day.” I said.

“I don’t have time for that so I’ll just have to enjoy feeling yours.”

We held each other for a little longer until she said, “I know you have to get up before dawn and I’m so tired I can barely stand, so I think we had better say good night.”

I would have liked to stay with her longer, but she was correct and I went back to my room and to my studies.

We were on the first ferry of the day at 7th bell on Samedi. The wind was blowing steady from not quite behind the boat. I was wearing a dark gray split skirt, and short jacket, over a light gray blouse. I had lace up black boots that had a small heel. Jynen was wearing a sea blue dress, with a dark blue coat and white boots, Mistress Holyswryth had a wine red skirt, a cream blouse and dark green coat with dark brown boots. We all had our coins in pouches under our coats in a pocket or on a belt.

“Ladies, I suggest that we visit a seamstress first thing so that we will have plenty of time to shop after the fitting,” said Misstress Holyswryth.

“That sounds wondeful,” I said, “I’ve never seen a seamstress do a fitting. Do you mind if I watch?”

“You should have a good view of the process because you are the one having the fitting,” she replied. “That’s the only way you will be able to have the wardrobe the Major and I have in mind.”

“You are a special imager. As far as Major Volytr knows, you are 2nd female imager who has come to the Collegium and he has indicated that you will need to have the knowledge and social skills to deal with wealthy landowners and factors. This means that on occasion you will be in their presence and will need to be dressed appropriately.”

We hired a hack to take us to a small shop in the hills above the city center where they were rebuilding.

“Hello Lyli. It’s good to see you again,” said the woman who greeted us as we entered the shop.

I looked around to see who might be behind us, and heard Mistress Holyswryth say, “Myrdth, it is good to see you again too. I’d like to introduce you to Joli D’ Imager and Jynen D’Cusine. We are here to have young Joli measured for several outfits.”

We were directed into a room in the rear of the shop and I was told to remove my clothes down to my underwear. The next two quints of a glass were spent measuring me every-which-way and recording the measurements in a book. The rest of the glass was spent looking at bits of cloth and drawings of dresses, skirts, coats and other items of clothes that I never knew existed.

The next stop was a store full of shoes. Shoes of all sorts of colors and styles: shoes that you could wear to a dance; shoes you could wear to work in the garden; shoes for morning and afternoon and night. There must have been a shoe for any activity from getting up in the morning until you took your feet out of a pair of shoes and put them under the covers. Of course we all had our favorites: I really liked a black pair that only had a strap across the back and digit high heel; Mistress Holyswryth kept wearing a shoe with an open back and a higher heel in dark blue; Jynen’s favorite was a sandal style in tan leather.

“Ladies, we will leave our purchases here and retrieve them when we return to the ferry this evening,” said Mistress Holyswryth. “Lets find a place to sit and eat lunch.”

We walked a few blocks and found a café that had an interesting menu and tables on a patio away from the public pathways. I think Jynen especially enjoyed not having anything to do with the meal.

“Joli, do you recall the family you stayed with before you came to Weatisle?” asked Mistress Holyswryth.

“Yes, it was Nilynn Havgrove, a produce factor. They were very kind to me. They let me ride with them for two days and then Nilynn brought me to Under Captain Desyrk who took me to Westisle,” I said.

“Let’s see how far it is to his factorage and if it isn’t too far, we can visit him if you want?” she said.

“That would be wonderful,” I beamed.

Mistress Holyswryth waved at a passing hack and asked if he knew of a produce factor named Nilynn Havgrove.

“Aye, Mistress I know of it. Its’ about a ride of a quint from here,” he said.

About a quint later we entered the door under the sign “Havgrove Produce Factorage” and walked to the counter at the back.

“Can I assist you ladies?” Nilynn asked.

“Nilynn, don’t you recognize me?” I asked.

“Joli? Is that you in all that gray?” he replied. “Wait here, I’ll call Mylinco and Mixy,” he told us, and we could hear him call up the stairs that they should come see who is here.

“Look at you,” Mylinco said “all dressed up and neat as a pin.”

Both she and Mixy swept over and wrapped me in a big hug. Tears came to my eyes; I hadn’t realized how much I missed them.

I pulled apart from them and introduced Mistress Holyswryth and Jynen.

“Please call me Lyli,” Mistress Holyswryth said. “I wanted to meet the family that helped our young imager out when she was lost in the woods and to tell them how happy we are that she is part of our family.”

I was both amazed and pleased at what she said.

“We have been leading her through a strenuous course of study that has stressed her mind, body and spirit and she has done everything we’ve asked with a cheerful disposition.”

“We knew she was special, finding her where we did and then when she disarmed the footpads; well we were lucky she was with us,” said Nylinn.

We stayed to have tea with cheese, fruit and small cakes and a lot of talking about what was going on both in LLantiago and across this new land.

We took another hack to retrieve our purchases.

We were walking from the seamstress shop, where I had to put on one of the unfinished dresses, then stand on a small box while adjustments were made to make it fit me. We agreed to a schedule for the delivery of my new clothes and Mistress Holyswryth signed a bill so that the seamstress could get paid.

As we were walking to the shoe store three men came out of a side street and blocked the walkway.

“Aren’t you ladies in luck! We have just what you need,” said the one in the middle.

He was the biggest of the three and had the same style canvas pants I had seen the sailors wear on the ship I had been on.

“Young man, for your own good I suggest that you stumble back down that alley you just came from,” said Mistress Holyswryth.

“Oh I think I know what best for me and my mates. Why don’t you girls show us what you have wrapped up under all those clothes,” he said as they came toward us.

I imaged an invisible wall in front of us and they hit it and bounced back. I was also thrown to the ground by the force of the impact. They needed to be in a cell with bars on the window, so I focused and then there they were. The stone walls were only a little taller then the biggest man and just wide enough for the three of them to stand side-by-side.

I was light headed and was glad I was still sitting on the stone walkway because I felt too weak to stand.

“What is going on?” came from a man running down the road toward us and now blowing a whistle. As he got closer I could see that he was wearing some kind of uniform.

“We were being attacked by these ruffians,” said Mistress Holyswryth and she pointed at the men in the cell who were staring through a small window and yelling about what they were going to do when they got free.

“How did they get into that place and where did it come from?” asked the patroller.

“As I said, they were attacking us. We were on our way to take the evening ferry to Westisle when these men stopped us and demanded sexual favors and threatened us with harm if we didn’t comply. When they came toward us, Joli D’Image, here,” and she pointed to me, I was still seated on the road, “first made some type of barrier in between us. They hit it and were knocked back on their bums. They got to their feet and started to come at us again. That’s when Joli put them in that stone box. If it had been me, I wouldn’t have given the box any windows.”

“Why were you ladies here?”

“We have been shopping today. We came over on the ferry this morning and were on our way back to the ferry”

“Well, I’m sorry you had a run in with this scum. Wait just a moment and my partner will accompany you to the ferry.”

He looked closer at the cell and the men who had settled down.

“How are we going to get them out of there?”

“I can create a door if you want,” I offered.

“Wait until some more patrollers arrive to help me with these idiots,” the patroller said.

It took half a glass for the extra patrollers to show up and then I imaged a space in the wall that enlarged the small window into a doorway. The sailors came out, still protesting, and began struggling with the patrollers. They were quickly knocked to the street and had their hands tired behind them and then they were roped together.

“What are we going to do with that stone hut?” asked the senior patroller who had come to oversee the commotion.

“I can make it go away, if you want,” I said.

“A little thing like you?”

I concentrated and the stone cell was gone and I grabbed Jynen’s arm for support. A cold breeze washed over us.

The patrollers looked at each other with their mouths hanging open.

“If she can do that to a stone cell, you idiots are lucky she didn’t make you disappear altogether,” said the senior patroller.

“Yrurt, escort these ladies to the ferry.”

The young patroller walked with us first to the shoe store then riding in a hack with us to the dock where the ferry to Westisle was loading and saw us safely on board.

On the ship back to Westisle talked about our new cloths, the shopping, the fiting and Mixy’s family. We didn’t talk about the ruffians and what I did to them at all.

When we got to our residence hall, Mistress Holyswryth, said good night to us and Jynen said, “Can I come with you to your room? I want to talk to you about something.”

As soon as we were in my room and the door closed, Jynen wrapped her arms around me and planted a passionate kiss on my lips. She took me by surprise, but quickly my arms went around her and I started returning the kiss from my side. It was a while before we separated our lips enough to talk.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while,” she said.

“I’ve been wanting you to do that for a while,” I said.

“I was so afraid when those men jumped out at us. Then they just fell on their bums and you fell down and then they were trapped in that stone room. I was so glad and scared at the same time.”

“How did you know to put them in that stone room?”

“I didn’t think about it, I just knew that when they started to get up and come at us after they ran into my invisible wall, I had to put them somewhere they couldn’t get to us to hurt us.”

“I’m so happy you were there and proud of you,” she said and kissed me again.

“You know I’m in love with you and I don’t even care if you love me. Just please let me be part of your life.”

“I do love you very much and as long as we are here on the isle, we can be together.”

When I said those words I knew that I had made a decision that would affect both of us for the rest of our lives.

Part 14 - In the school for imagers,
What do kids know anyway – as much as we care to teach them.

This is a fan-fiction set on Terahnar the world created by L.E. Modesitt for his Imager series. I have no rights to any of it and don’t claim to. I just wanted to see what a story about a MTF transgender person set in the time just after Rex Regis consolidated Lydar into Solidar would be like.

Thank you Anne for your continued help in this project.

By the time I had been at Westisle a year and a half, I wasn’t the newest imager many times over, however I was still the only girl. With the start of the New Year, two scholars came to teach and coordinate our education. So instead of just tutorial sessions with Major Volytr, Captian Threkhyl, Under-Captian Kolyrt and Mistress Holyswryth I was now in classes taught by the scholars with 6 or 8 other young imagers. The classes were in reading, writing, history and languages. I studied Court Bovarian and Telleran, two languages that were used in the home country of Rex Regis although Bovarian was the language of Bovaria, who’s ruler made the mistake of attacking Tilbar and brought the wrath of Rex Regis (although be wasn’t called that until he and his imager supported army had consolidated all of the nations on Teleryn) down on his head.

From the history lessons and what I knew of my homeland, Antiago, the consolidated rule of Rex Regis was preferable to the rule of either of the Rexes of the lands who had opposed him. If for no other reason, having a single set of laws for the entire continent certainly made it easier for commerce and the lives of everyone – only one set of laws to live with.

I had a course of study tailored to my abilities and interests as well as my gender. I determined this because no one else was taking all the same courses I took and as we learned more and developed more imaging skills we had mostly tutorials from senior imagers and others who were masters of their disciplines.

The most gut-wrenching sessions were the human anatomy study for advanced imager trainees. These sessions were conducted in the medical annex next to the prison in Llantiago. The first sessions I just watched as cadavers were cut open and the placement of the organs and blood vessels were shown. In following sessions I had to image wax into a windpipe, or air into a blood vessel in the chest or head, or a bullet into a heart. This was very gruesome, but it was pointed out that sometime I might have to use this knowledge to save my life or the lives of others.

Working on dead bodies was how I learned about the female parts I didn’t have inside me and then about the missing ribs and the tilt of the female pelvis.
My special courses included regular sessions on cooking, dress and deportment, household management, as well as etiquette, and dancing. This was in addition to the sessions with senior imagers designed to increase my imager skills and ability.

My body had become curvier and my breasts had grown a little, but I was much flatter and straighter than the other girls my age as I could tell by looking at them in the washroom and showers. I decided that I needed to change my shape a tiny bit at a time if I didn’t want to do myself real harm. I reasoned that real girls didn’t develop overnight so why not mimic the normal female development. I picked out a girl, one of the cook trainees, who was about my age and size and made a point to be in the shower room at least once a week, when she was there. It wasn’t difficult once I determined her schedule. As we were getting ready to shower I would compare her shape to mine and as I showered I would image my body to match hers.

Jynen really liked my changes.

“It’s about time you got some hips and a waist,” she commented after I had been at this process for a few months, “and I especially like your perky boobs. They are much more fun to play with.” She said this as she gently squeezed them and suckled my larger nipples. We would spend time together when ever our schedules allowed and no one seemed to mind, but then this was a place filled with unusual people – imagers and the like.

I was able to deepen my vagina without much pain or difficulty, but I was at a loss about creating the rest of the baby making organs. Changing my vagina seemed to be the best I could reasonably do. That left not having periods and I hoped no one noticed.

I was mistaken.

“Why don’t you have periods and cramps like the rest of us?” Jynen asked one night as we were cuddling after a session of pleasing each other.

“I don’t know, maybe it has something to do with my late development.”

“I think you should ask a Healer that treats women to examine you to make sure you don’t have a physical problem, like a blockage or something that could be really bad.”

“Alright, I’ll ask one of the women healers to look at me down there.”

“My dear, I have some sad news for your,” said Weylt, the chief of healers after my examination.

“It seems the Nameless didn’t give you the ability to have children I’m sorry to have to tell you.”

I kept my face as placid as I could. I didn’t want to show any emotion because I thought that no reaction was better than too much in either direction.

“Should I be worried? Is there a problem that will damage my health?” I asked.

“Not as far as can tell. You seem in perfect health except that you don’t seem to have the organs necessary to have a child.”

“Thank you, I have been waiting for my monthly cycle to start and because it hasn’t, a friend urged me to have someone look to be sure I wasn’t in real trouble.”

“Well, the one trouble you won’t have to worry about is becoming pregnant,” said Healer Weylt. “However I would remind you that sex with multiple partners can lead to other health problems, so just because you cannot get pregnant, doesn’t mean that you cannot get ill.”

When I told Jynen, she said “That’s good to know that I can’t get you pregnant.”

I came into the dining hall at the just after 7th glass, Vendi the 7th of Avryl and noticed a new face at the imager trainee table. I remember the date and meeting this new imager clearly and probably always will. As I approached the empty seat across the table from this, to me, unknown person he said, “I’d like a refill of ham strips and eggs, and you can warm up my tea mug while you are at it.”

I just looked at him, stood there and stared at him. Eventually he stopped shoveling food into his mouth, looked up at me and said, “are you hard of hearing or don’t you understand Bovarian?”

“I’ll see if I can attract the attention of a server and you can tell the server what you want,” I said, trying my best to keep my voice even and only loud enough for him to hear my reply.

I sat in the chair across from him, put my napkin in my lap and caught the eye of one of the serving girls.

She came over to me and asked, “what can I get you for your meal, imager Joli?”

I told her and then said, “this person,” and I indicated the rude fellow across from me, “would also like to ask you to serve him something.”

“Wait, you can’t be an imager, women aren’t imagers,” he said, and I noticed that the other imagers at the table were all staring intently at their plates.

I extended my hand across the table and said, “My name is Joli. I’m an imager trainee.”

Instead of grasping my out-stretched hand, I saw a knife float off the table and fly toward me. I imaged it into nothingness. The unknown imager’s mouth went from a hard line to gulping like a fish out of water.

“Is your name Stupid or Rude? Or is it something else?”

“I’m called Urytl and I just got here yesterday.”

“Welcome to Westisle and I hope you live long enough to outrun your stupidity,” I replied. And you two,” I said to the imagers on either side of him, “could have tried to keep him from swallowing his foot all the way to his knee.”

“You should have seen your face when he gave you his food order,” said Evannt trying to control his laughter.

“And then you asked if his name was stupid or rude,” said Kolyrt, wiping tears from his eyes.

Kolyrt and Evannt were imager trainees who were already at Westisle when I arrived.

“I do hope, Imager Urytl, that you will remember that imaging outside the supervision of a senior imager is not permitted, for our own good,” I said.

“I don’t need a lecture from some little girl,” said Urytl.

“Apparently you do,” said Captain Threkhyl, “I’d like to see you in my office right after you finish here.”

Urytl didn’t say another word the rest of the meal, but glowered at me whenever he looked up from his plate.

A week after this confrontation, I was on my morning run, through a wooded area next to a pond when I felt a strong push that knocked me off the trail and I splashed into the water.

“You ought to watch where you put your feet,” said Urytl as he ran past me, a big smile on his face.

I splashed out of the pond and resumed my run. I needed to think this through. I hadn’t started this contest but I wasn’t going to be a target for a bully either.

Later that day I was in a class on imaging skills conducted by Captain Threkhyl with Kolyrt and Evannt. We were practicing destroying clay pots that were flung into the air from catapults. Captain Threkhyl had explained that this was one of the skills used to counter Antiagon Fire, a material that, once the pot broke apart on contact, would spread fire over a wide area. The goal was to destroy the pot as soon as it came out of the catapult or better yet, return it to a spot just in front of the catapult.

“About where the solders protecting the catapult would be,” said Captain Threkhyl.

The Captain had us rest and drink some water and eat a biscuit. As we were resting he had imager trainee Urytl demonstrate his ability to image holes and knives in targets at increasing distances, as he had done with me just after I arrived at the isle.

Urytl was able to do what he was asked up to about 30 yards, but after that his efforts were weaker and weaker until at 100 yards, he could neither stick a blade in the target or put a hole in it either.

“Joli,” asked Threkheld “would you please show Urytl how to do what I asked him to do at 100 paces?”

I imaged a knife into the wooden target on the right of the center, up to its guard, and then a hole all the way through on the other side of the center.

“That’s the way it’s done,” said Threkheld.

Thwack! Glob of mud hit the side of my head and I stumbled, but also brought up a shield between Urytl and me. Another mud ball hit the shield and then a rock hit my shields. I’d had enough. I imaged a shield all the way around him just outside his reach. I saw two large knives hit the shield from the inside. Then there was a pillar of ice in the middle of my shield and then it turned to steam and Urytl was gone.

I’d killed him! I sunk to my knees and put my hands over my face to hide my tears.

“Joli, stand up,” commanded Captain Threkheld. “I want you to go to your quarters and wait there for someone to come get you. Kolyrt, please escort Imager Joli to her quarters. I don’t want either of you to say a word on the way, and I want Kolyrt to stand guard outside your door until someone comes for you. Do you both understand?”

We both said “Yes Sir” and started toward my quarters with me plodding along, my heart felt as though it was in the bottom of my stomach.

I waited, sitting on my bed, for what seemed like forever. Kolyrt, rapped on my door and said, “Joli, your escort is here, please come with us.”

I followed Kolyrt and Evannt to Major Volytr’s office. Inside were the Major, Captain Threkheld, Under Captian Desyrk and Engineering Major Alynkyr. I entered and sat in chair Major Volytr pointed at.

“Imager trainee Joli this is an inquiry into the incident that occurred earlier today in which imager trainee Urytl died. We have heard testimony from the others who were at the incident. Would you please tell us what happened and what you were trying to do,” Said Major Volytr. “Please start at the point when you were first hit with the mud.”

“I had just completed the task Captain Threkheld had me do when I felt a blow on the side of my head. I reached up and felt something wet and sticky and looked at my hand and saw it was mud. I automatically created a shield between me and Ulryt. About then another ball of mud hit my shield. Then a rock hit my shield and then a knife.”

“I didn’t want this to continue and I didn’t want him to hurt me or anyone else so I created a shield all the way around Ulyrt more than his arm’s length way from him. I saw knives hit the inside of the shield, then a pillar of ice was there and when it turned to steam, nothing was left, not Ulyrt, nothing.”

“Was it your intent to injure Ulyrt?” asked Volytr.

“No, I just wanted to keep him from hurting anyone, that’s why I put the shield all around him.”

“Joli, please go into the conference room and wait there until someone comes for you,” said Volytr.

As I sat in a chair at the big table in the conference room, my mind kept spinning between the fact that I was a killer, that Ulyrt had turned to ice and that I had been responsible for taking a life. Over and over, these thoughts kept rolling through my mind.

Captain Desyrk came into the room and said, “Imager Joli, please come with me. Major Volytr wants to speak with you.”

I walked into Volytr’s office but Desyrk didn’t come in with me. Major Volytr was alone in his office and this time he directed me to one of the chairs around the small table where we usually sat when he was tutoring me.

“I’m sorry this happened to you, but I’m glad that you survived and used a minimum of force.”

I started to say something but he held up a hand for me to wait.

“Your actions indicated that you were not trying to injure Ulyrt. I want you to listen to me and pay close attention: you did not kill Ulyrt. If he had not attempted to injure you with larger and larger weapons, he would still be with us. Were you aware hat he tried to image a rather large mourning star at you? It was his choice to image something so big, it drew all of energy out of himself and turned him into a pillar of ice. You didn’t do that. He did. Do you understand what I am saying?”

“But because of my shield he turned to ice.”

“Yes, that is correct. You put a shield around him, but he didn’t have to try to do imaging inside it. There is a difference. Its like you gave a horse to someone and he went riding and fell off and broke his neck. You didn’t break his neck. He broke his neck because he chose to go riding. See the difference?”

I nodded my head and said, “Yes sir I see the difference its just that I’ve never even hurt anyone, at least not more than a bruise, and today Ulyrt died. I feel as though I helped kill him.”

“You probably don’t know this, but almost all imagers who live long enough to become adults, have a tragedy in their past. Most likely it involves serious injury or death to someone nearby to him or her. You were very fortunate, in that your discovery of your imaging didn’t result in a fire that burned down your house. Such things have happened often enough that people, like your family, understand that having an imager around can be very dangerous. It is also the reason we offer a reward for bringing imagers to us rather killing them or driving them into the wilderness.”

“I want you to have a talk with healer Healer Weylt tomorrow morning. She is expecting you in her office at 9th glass. Between now and then I want you to try and sort your feelings and not worry at all about your studies.”

With that dismissal I headed back to my quarters.

I seemed to be in a daze. I had never killed anything more than animals we ate on the farm and even then I didn’t participate in the slaughter of the bigger animals. In fact, I would hide far enough away that I didn’t have to hear the sounds of the dying animal. Yet I had just been part of killing a person.

At the dining hall the table conversation between the imagers never came close to talking about the incident. I wasn’t sure if the other imagers were ashamed of me, or frightened of me or what. No one would look me in the eye. No one joked or complained about the food. It felt as if I had my invisibility shield on and nobody could see me, yet I hadn’t raised my shield. I finished as quickly as I could and left that somber place.

I walked around the compound until 9th glass at night and went back to my room. I changed into my night clothes and was just sitting on my bed, staring out the window when I heard a tapping on my door and Jynen called, “May I come in Joli?”

I opened the door and closed it after she came in. Jynen turned around and grabbed me in a fierce hug.

“I heard what happened today and I was so frightened for you, then so sorry for you. Can you tell me what happened?”

I told her of the events starting with Threkhyl’s session and ending with my treatment at dinner.

“Oh Joli, they’re just afraid of you. You proved today that you could prevent any of them from attacking you and in the process cause their death if they tried to hurt you. All they knew before today was that you were a small young girl who doesn’t look like someone who could best them. Now they understand that you can and they don’t know how to treat you. Remember, the other imagers are men and men have to understand where they fit: on top, on bottom or somewhere in between. You just showed them that you are more powerful than they are and you are a girl. They can’t fit that into their structure.”

We sat on the edge of the bed and she held me as cried, “I didn’t mean to hurt him, I’ve never meant to hurt anyone, not even those stupid sailors that tried to attack us in LLantiago. Do I look like a monster? Am I a monster?” She held me and rubbed my neck and shoulders until I had cried my self out.

We lay in bed holding each other until I drifted off to sleep.

Urytl was standing in my room looking at me from within a column of clear ice. I heard his muffled voice “Why did you kill me?”.

I sat up straight and looked at an empty room, but there was a coating of frost on my blankets and on the floor. I looked around for Jynen and she wasn’t in the room. She must have left when I went to sleep. I was glad because I didn’t want her to see what I had done.

I did get back to sleep and woke up with the exercise bell, got up, dressed and went to join the early morning group workout.

This wasn’t as bad as last night’s meal because we were all trying to gulp air during our exercises and didn’t do much talking anyway. During the run around the compound, I stayed at the very back of the group and when I ran into a place where I couldn’t be seen, I brought up an invisibility shield all around me and waited until the group of imagers came back around, the joined the group running easily with them.

“She put a shield all the way around him?” “Yes, and a good yard or more away from him.” “And the idiot tried twice to image through it?” “Yep. He tried little knives first and they bounced off her shield, then some kind of big canon ball with spikes, that’s when he turned to ice.” “All I can say is that I wouldn’t have used a shield. I would have split him open with my own imaged axe.” “You know she does scare me. You look at her and all you see is a small girl and then she clamps a shield all the way around a big oaf.” “Yea, but she didn’t start it or attack him, but she sure did finish his problems.” “Like Kolyrt said the first night we saw her ‘the hottest peppers are the smallest’ and this is one you don’t want to try to bite.”

The group was getting back to the exercise field and I swung away to go back to my quarters, went behind some bushes and dropped my shields.

Healer Weylt’s office looked more like a ladies parlor than the sparse and functional offices of Major Volytr or any of the other male officers. There were two flower arrangements, one on a table and anther on a shelf. In addition to a pair of straight-backed chairs in front of her desk, there were two armed chairs with cushions on the seat and backs. The office had a welcoming feel and put me at ease immediately.

As I walked in, she said, “please sit over here in one of these chairs. Would you like some tea?”

“Yes please with a little honey.”

She had a pot on a small candle-like warmer from which she poured a cup for each of us.

“There’s honey in this pot, help yourself.”

After I had fixed my tea and taken a couple of sips she asked, “How are you feeling this morning?”

“I’m still upset that it happened. I really didn’t mean to hurt him. I never knew that what happened, could happen. I mean I thought shields protected you. I didn’t know they could kill.”

“I wouldn’t have thought that a shield could do that either. Major Volytr explained that imaging uses heat and that imagers draw heat from everyting around them. He told me about the last battle in Variana. The imager commander drew so much heat from the Bovarian army and those around the battle field that thousands were frozen where they stood, even in the Rex’s palace everyone in it was frozen and the near-by river iced over for a mille. Until he told me about that battle, I had not known the relation between imaging and heat and ice.”

“I have an offer for you. Would you like to learn about healing? I think you could use your imaging to help heal those who are injured here in the military post and Collegium.”

“Yes, I think I’d like that, better than turning someone into a pillar of ice.”

“I’ll talk with Major Volytr and we will start next week.”

“Thank you, I want to do things to help people, not hurt them.”

Imagine That, part 15 - Doing good and doing right are two edges of the same sword

This is a fan-fiction set on Terahnar the world created by L.E. Modesitt for his Imager series. I have no rights to any of it and don’t claim to. I just wanted to see what a story about a MTF transgender person set in the time just after Rex Regis consolidated Lydar into Solidar would be like.

(15)

Doing good and doing right are two edges of the same sword

I started on pigs, then goats, then horses. I would study a bone, like a leg bone or rib. Healer Weylt would take it out of the room, break it and bring it back on a tray and have me image it back together. When I mastered rebuilding the bones after I examined them, she started bringing broken bones that I had not seen before they were broken. I had to imagine how the bone should look and its size so that when it came back together it was the same size as before it was broken.

Then we started cutting into the bodies of animals before they were butchered for their meat. I had to pay attention to more that just the meat – or rather muscle. I had to recognize the blood vessels, tendons, cartilage and on and on.

The first time I watched a human body being cut up I almost passed out. I had to focus on what I was supposed to be seeing and then try to image the things Weylt wanted. I would image major veins closed then reopen them, which I was told would be very useful if surgery had to be performed. I also realized that I didn’t have to image a knife into someone to kill him, I just had to block the blood vessels in his neck, or close off his wind pipe. Even when trying to learn how to help healers, I had come up with a way to kill without a trace.

We took over 6 months cutting up bodies, cadavers I learned was the correct word, to cover all the various parts of a male body. Then we spent another two months doing the same to female cadavers so that I would know the differences between male and female anatomy. After doing this, I was glad that I was smart enough to stop my internal modifications with just a vagina because the complete female organs were extremely complex.

We also covered various medications for pain and fever and also poisons and their characteristics. I also learned that several types of liquids, such as alcohol, would minimize the likelihood that wounds would fester and lead to decayed flesh.

All in all it was almost a year before I saw my first live, injured patient.

A sailor had fallen while working on repairs to the rigging while the ship was docked. The fall hadn’t killed him, but had badly broken his legs an arm and several ribs.

“Joli, I want you to image a block in his spine about 3 digits below his neck. Then start with his ribs and work down to his feet,” Healer Weylt directed me.

I put a pressure block in his spine and he stopped groaning but continued to breath. Then I set about working, one bone at a time until I was done. I then removed the block and he gasped as feeling returned to his limbs.

I sat down because I was so exhausted. I drank some tea and ate some cheese and that lessened the pain in my head.

Weylt followed the man to his bed in the ward and I went into her office to wait.

“That was truly amazing. I have never seen anything like it,” she said to me as she walked into her office.

“I hope I did everything correctly,” I said and massaged my temples.

“I think he’ll be just fine. In fact, except for the soreness from the bruising he’s fine. We will let him rest and watch him tonight, but he should be able to leave here tomorrow.”

It felt so good to be able to help someone. I was a healer, not just a killer.

* * * * *

“Joli, this evening I will name you as an imager secondus at the weekly announcements. This will mean that you will receive 5 silvers a week. It also means that except for special training, you have completed your basic instruction,” said Major Volytr at our weekly session.

“I also have a special assignment for you that shouldn’t take more than a month. Lady Vaelora is coming to Llantiago to meet with the High Holders and factors councils to explain their obligations and expectations from our Rex, who happens to be her brother. She is also the wife of the Maitre of the Collegium at Image Isle in Excellesis. He was the Imager Commander who won the battle against Bovaria and he was the one who buried the Autoarch in his Castle.”

I want you to provide protection and support services for Lady Vaelora while she is here. Because you are female, having you as an assistant close to her all the time, shouldn’t be a problem or raise any questions. She will arrive in two weeks so you will need to work with Mistress Holyswryth to get together a suitable wardrobe. I don’t want you to stand out as an imager, but I do want you to follow the imager dress regulations. Mistress Holyswrth and I have discussed what needs to be done. I suspect it will mean another trip to the seamstress in Llantiago. I hope this time you don’t have to deal with drunken sailors.”

* * * * *

That evening when Jynen and I got together after the evening meal, I said, “When I meet with Mjor Volytr, he told me that I have a special assignment starting in two weeks in Llantiago. I’m going to be a special assistant to Lady Vaelora while she meets with groups of High Holders and Factors. I’ve been assigned to be her assistant and body guard. I’m supposed to put together a wardrobe of clothes suitable for my duties but don’t look like imager uniforms but still comply with the imager clothing requirements. This means another shopping trip to Llantiago. I’ll ask Mistress Holyswrth if you can come with us to help me like you did before.”

“It shouldn’t be difficult to swap with someone so that I have a free day later this week,” said Jynen.

The shopping trip wasn’t nearly as exciting as the first one. I have grown taller and curvier and bustier so it was time for a new collection of clothes, and shoes, and accessories. Scarves - I love scarves I can use them to bring some color to the severe gray outfits that I wear day-in day-out at the Collegium. On this shoping trip I got skirts, blouses, coats, dresses, pants, shoes and a collection of lingerie that will provide the foundation for my lovely new wardrobe.

At least from a clothing perspective, I felt ready to meet Lady Vaelora and not embarrass her by looking like a back-hills hayseed.

* * * * *

The carriage rolled to a stop inside the walls of a large courtyard. As I climbed out a group of soldiers walked toward me.

“Imager Joli? I’m Squad Leader Tymos. Let us help you move your things to your quarters.”

“Thank you,” was all I had time to say before Tymos and three others were carrying my chest, boxes and bags into the building that was easily bigger than several of the barracks and other buildings at Westisle Collegium put together.

The Chateau was laid out in the shape of an X with the courtyard I had entered being in one of the spaces in one quadrant of the X. We entered through a door half way along the wing and turned left down the hall toward the junction of the wings. We went up two sets of stairs to the third floor and down a hall, which according to the Squad Leader had apartments for visiting imagers. I was led to the third one on the right side and before I could look around, my luggage was inside a room that was a small parlor and the squad leader handed me a leather folder.

“In here are diagrams of the rooms in the chateau, meal times and the offices and officers who can answer just about any question you may have or provide you with anything that you might need. Lady Vaelora will be staying in the master suite, just above you, on the forth floor. We expect her to arrive tomorrow afternoon.”

“Thank you very much squad leader. I really appreciate your assistance.”

He seemed to blush, looked down then at his men and said, “I think I can find something more useful for you men to do than stand around with silly grins on your faces.”

With that, the squad leader herded the squad out of the parlor and closed the door as he left.

I spent the next glass unpacking and putting my clothes up afterwards I sat at the desk and read through the papers in the folder. There was a map of each floor with the rooms numbered and an index of the names and functions that went on in the room or those who used the room as their office. There was also a schedule labeled “Tentative” of what was supposed to happen starting tomorrow and going for a week.

I spent the remainder of the afternoon exploring the Chateau so that I could get to the apartments, meeting rooms, offices and other important places and ended up at the officers/Imagers mess a little before the start of the evening meal.

A soldier at the door asked, “can I help you miss?”

“I’m Imager Joli and I think this is the Officers/Imagers mess.”

“Sorry imager, I didn’t expect a new imager today,” he said, covering up his surprise. “The imagers usually sit at the table at the left as you go in.”

I took a seat at the end of the table and told a server that I wanted tea to drink.

Shortly a couple of men in uniform sat across from me and introduced themselves.

“Good afternoon, I’m Lynkness, the battalion Chorister,” the man across from me said.

“I’m Major Urqst,” said the man who sat next to the Chorister. “Welcome to our humble home.”

I smiled at the idea that the Chateau was ever humble and a home.

“Are you the imager assistant to Lady Vaelora we’ve been expecting?” asked the Major.

“Yes, I’m here on temporary assignment.”

“I didn’t know that there were any female imagers,” said Lynkness.

“Well, from what I’ve learned, imagers can happen in any family or gender,” I said.

I talked about the activities at the Collegium and answered their questions as the servers brought platters and bowls of food to our end of the table.

“It sounds like you have been getting a good general education at Westisle,” said the Chorister.

As he stood up to leave the table the major said, “If you have any difficulties or there is something you need for your duties, please let me know.”

I walked around the halls looking at the portraits and statues and came upon the library, which was open with a soldier sitting at a desk just inside the door.

“May I help you imager?” he said as I entered.

“No thank you, I just getting familiar with this big place.”

I spent almost a glass looking at the titles of the books and trying to figure out how they were organized.

I didn’t have any trouble getting to sleep that night and awoke refreshed when I heard the first morning bell. I dressed in my exercise clothes and went down to the area marked “exercise yard” on the map and took a place at the back of the group. The calisthenics were familiar to me and I ran about a mille, again at the rear of the group so I could drop out when I wanted.

I showered changed into a fresh imager uniform, but with a skirt and a sea blue scarf and went down to first meal.

When I entered the mess hall Major Urqst motioned for me to join him so I sat across from him.

“This is Captian Hydrn and Captian Cuyprt. They keep me on my toes. Gentlemen, this is Imager Joli, the temporary assistant to Lady Vaelora for her visit with us.”

They both welcomed me to the Chateau and then Captain Hydrn asked, “was that you I saw out exercising this morning? I didn’t recall that we had any young women soldiers.”

“Yes, I was part of the group. Major Volytr believes that imagers need to be physically fit because imaging can be strenuous work.”

“Well, I’ll tell you that you surprised more than a few men this morning. Not only did you do every exercise, you ran a mill and looked like you could have gone on for several more.”

“It took me a while to build up my endurance, but I try to exercise two or three times a week at the Collegium.”

“Some of the stories that the soldiers who were with the army that defeated the Autarch would agree with that statement.”

Captain Cuyprt asked, “If you are going up to the Lady’s office, I’d be happy to walk with you.”

“Yes, that’s where I thought I’d go to see what I can do before she arrives.”

Her office and suite were on the fourth floor and occupied half the wing on the right side. The Captain explained that I had an office with doors that lead to the Lady’s office and the waiting room. My office wasn’t very big, just a small desk, a chair and another small table. Her office was impressive. In addition to a smaller table and padded chair next to the windows, there was a table as big as the conference table back in the Collegium, and another area with padded chairs and short tables, much like the parlor in the women’s residence hall. There were paintings and a large map of Antiago on the walls between shelves with small statues and porcelain plates and vases.

I spent the morning going over the schedule of meetings and the names of those who would be attending them. I asked the soldier at the desk in the waiting area if he knew of any information on the high holders and factors who would be attending the meetings and he directed me to the governor’s offices, which were on the wing opposite this one on the same floor.

When I crossed to the opposite wing I entered a waiting room, much like the one assigned to the Lady and a squad leader asked if he cold help me. I told him of my assignment and that I was trying to gather information for Lady Vaelora about the people she would be meeting.

“Let me ask Princeps Wollhyr if he can help you. Come, I’ll show you to his office.” He said and went across the hall to the office opposite the governor’s.

“Wait here if you will,” he said as he rapped on the door, enterend and closed it behind him. In just moments he came out and said, “Princeps Wollhyr can see you now,” and held the door open for me.

Princeps Wollhyr was a man with streaks of gray in his reddish-brown hair, with a neat beard and mustache, and blue eyes that seemed to light up when he saw me.

“Ah, you must be Joli D’Image. It is nice to meet you. Wollhyr tells me you are already at work gathering intelligence for the Lady.”

“Yes Sir, I thought to put together information on each person Lady Vaelora will be meeting. Can you tell me where I can find this information?”

“What we have will be in the files of the revenues and fees that are in the records room. If you will wait here just a moment, I’ll have a trooper take you to there.”

In just a moment I was following a soldier down to the records room where I found another soldier who showed me to the boxes of records. I spent the rest of the morning until first bell of the afternoon collecting information on the factors and High Holders that I had on my list.

I had just returned to my office and put my papers in folders in a box when I heard a rap on my door. “Enter,” I said.

“Mistress Imager, Lady Vaelora’s coach should be arriving in the front court yard with in half a glass,” said a trooper who opened the door.

There was a mirror on the back of my office door and I checked how I looked and fluffed my hair, adjusted the scarf around my neck, made sure my blouse was smoothly tucked into my skirt.

Satisfied, I went down to the front courtyard to wait with several others.

Lady Vaelora’s coach, pulled by a team of four horses, was not alone. It looked like a company of cavalry accompanied the coach, and when they entered, the courtyard was filled to overflowing. In a few moments, when the dust had blown away, Govenor Alazyn walked to the coach to welcome Lady Vaelora as she came down steps placed beside the coach. After a brief exchange of greetings, the Governor and the Lady went into the Chateau and up to her office and apartment with the rest of us trailing along behind.

I went back to my office and continued to organize the information I had collected until Adayms, the trouper who sat at the desk in the waiting room, opened my door and said, “Lady Vaelora wants all of her staff to meet her in her office in half a glass.”

Adayms and I were the only two local staff, Imager Captain Lhandor and a chamber maid, Myldryd had come with her from L’Excelsis. She had a real presence, even though she was my height. Her skin was a honey brown and her hair was dark brown as were her eyes. She looked me over from head to toe, then Adayms and asked each of us to introduce ourselves.

After Adams spoke, I said “Imager Secondus Joli from Westisle Collegium.”

She explained what she expected to accomplish during her stay and welcomed Adayms and me to her staff. She dismissed us, but asked me to accompany her to her apartment.

“Imager Joli, I’ve heard some interesting things about you from Major Volytr. I like the way your scarf gives your grays a bit of color, by the way.”

“Thank you my Lady,” I replied.

“I understand that among other skills, you can create rather powerful shields. Can you also create a shield that will hide you?”

“Yes, my Lady,” I said again. She was all business.

“Well we may have to make use of some of your imaging skills before I finish here. Tell me, what special training have you had?”

I told her about my work with Healer Weylt and other special training in running a household, dancing and deportment in social settings.

“That’s good to hear because we will be attending a ball tomorrow night to welcome me to LLantiago society. Do you have a suitable wardrobe to attend the ball?”

“Yes my Lady.”

“When we are working by ourselves, please call me Vaelora and in informal situations, ‘Lady Vaelora’ or ‘Lady’.”

“Yes Vaelora,” I said. “I’ve been looking over the meeting attendees and have ceated a page fo reach of them with the information that we have here in the Chateau. The information comes from the fees and tax files which is all I had to work with. I’ve only gotten through the first weeks meetings because that is all I have on your schedule.”

“That’s very good work,” she said as she begin removing her traveling outfit.

“Fetch your files and meet me in my bath and you can start telling me about the people I’ll be dealing with.”

I collected my box of files and knocked on her apartment door. Myldryd the chamber maid, opened the door and Vaelora said, “Please just come in without knocking unless I tell you otherwise. We will be working together closely and I can’t have you standing outside a door waiting to come in. Follow me and tell me the names, positions and background of the men I’ll be meeting tomorrow.”

With the aid of Myldryd, she had a tub bath, and yet didn’t stop listening and asking questions about what I was telling her. I knew that she had given birth twice, but that the first child died when she was injured in the battle for Antiago, but looking at her figure as she got out of the tub made me appreciate how hard she worked to keep herself in shape. From my healer studies, I knew how having babies can change the shape of a woman, and she didn’t look like she had had any babies, except for her breasts, which were starting to sag due to babies and age.

“This evening, we will be having supper with the Governor, his staff and Commander Paedn and Major Volytr so you should change and be ready for the supper at 7th bell this evening.”

* * * * *

The small banquet hall was on the first floor not too far from the kitchens so the food was served directly and didn’t have to be carted to upper floors.

I arrived a half glass before 7th bell so that I could ask about the seating arrangements and the courses of food and drinks. I arranged for my seat to be at the end of the table where I could see anyone coming into the room, and yet easily watch Vaelora for any indication that she need my help.

The first attendees to enter were Volytr and Lhandor and they were talking animatedly about the progress of imagers at the two collegium.

Volytr walked over to me an said, “Lahandor, you need to get to know Imager Secodus Joli. Threkhyl is very impressed with her imager skills and power.”

“If Threkhyl is impressed I better pay attention to you. He was always so demanding and always wanted you to continually push yourself. How are you and he getting along?”

“I haven’t worked with him in a while. I’ve spent most of my time recently learning from Healer Weylt.”

“One of our Pharsi imagers said she was a hot little pepper when she first came to us and she’s proved to be just that,” said Volytr.

About then the room started to fill with the rest of the party, except for the Governor and Lady Vaelora. Then a trooper came in and called out “Lady Vaelora and Governor Alazyn.”

They entered, came to the head of the table and we all waited until she was seated and we followed, but I noticed that the men on either side of me waited for me to sit.

I answered the questions from the men seated close to me about my education and training at the Collegium. They were surprised that I had spent so much time with the healer.

As the second course was being served and the dishes from the first were being taken away, I noticed a server enter from a side door, not the one closest to the kitchen and that he was holding a large covered platter in both hands and looking directly at lady Vaelora. Something felt wrong to me about him so I put an invisible shield between him and her. Before he got close to my shield he dropped the platter and I could see he had a small crossbow in his hands and was aiming it at the Lady. As the bolt hit my shield, I focused on the veins in his neck, squeezing them shut and he dropped like a sack of dirty clothes to the floor.

As soon as he hit the floor I released my pressure on the veins in his neck and I realized that there were shouted commands and several troupers rushed into the room and bound him up like ham hock ready for the smoke house.

Just as quickly as the noise came it went and it was deathly quiet.

“I want to thank imagers Volytr and Lahandor for your quick work. I recall that a previous Governor of Antiago was killed in a similar attack, but this time you were close enough to prevent it’s success,” said Vaelora and gave me a wink.

Major Volyrt was quickest on the uptake and said, “our pleasure my Lady. I’d not want to face Maiter Quaeryt if anything had happened to you.”

There was a murmur of agreement and grim laughs that sounded more like barks.

The rest of the meal was uneventful and as the guests were leaving, Vaelora said, “Major Volyrt, Captain Lahondor, could I have a word with you,” and nodded at me which I took to mean that I was to stay as well.

When we were the only ones left in the room, she said, “Major, thank you for quickly understanding what I was doing. Now Joli, what alerted you to the danger and what did you do?”

“I noticed him because he came in through a door with a platter and the door didn’t come from the kitchen. I know a good deal about cooking and the kitchen staff at the Collegium and he just didn’t look like any server I know. His clothes and shoes were all wrong. When I saw how he was focusing on you, Lady and not watching for any of the other serving staff, I felt that something wasn’t right so I put a shield between you and him. Then when he shot the crossbow bolt at you I squeezed shut the veins in his neck to cause him to pass out, then released the pressure after he collapsed on the floor.”

“That was very astute of you,” said Volytr “it reinforces our decision to assign you to this task.”

“How did you know how to do that to his neck?” asked Lahondor.

“I’ve been working with Healers and that is a quick way to make someone lose consciousness. He may have a head ache but that should be all, when he wakes up.”

“We may be able to find out more about who hired or sent him,” said Volytr.

“No one even looked at Joli much less suspected that she stopped the assassin and I’d like to keep it that way,” said Vaelora. “She will have a greater ability to act and observe if she isn’t known to be a strong imager.”

“I’ve had as much excitement as I need for one day, so I’ll see you both tomorrow.’ She said. “Joli, walk with me back to my apartment.”

“I want to thank you personally for your attentiveness and skills. Our first Governor here was a very good friend and an assassin using the exact same methods used tonight killed him. When my husband conquered Antiago his actions did destroy the fortunes of many High Holders so it isn’t surprising that there was an attempt on my life to get revenge on him. That’s why there will be at least two imagers close to me whenever I’m outside of my apartment. I just hadn’t expected it to occur so soon.”

“Tomorrow, according to my schedule, I am to meet with the council of Llantiago in the morning and then a council of High Holders in the afternoon. Then tomorrow night we will attend a ‘Welcome to the New Land of Solidar’ ball. I know it’s called just a Welcoming Ball, but its purpose is along the lines of what I named it.”

I know these meeting can be deathly boring, but I need you there with me, being a second set of eyes and ears and letting me know anything you may pick up on. In fact because I will enter the meeting rooms last and leave first, I’d like you, when you leave just behind me, to bring up your invisibility shield and slip back into the room and listen to the conversation that is sure to start up after I’m out of the room.”

I was tired from my efforts researching the information and then the excitement at the meal. As I started to yawn suddenly saw a ball of fire hitting a ship just in front of where I was standing. It was so real, I stepped back to get out of the way.

“Joli, what’s happening?” asked Vaelora “You look like you’ve seen a bear face to face.”

“I just had a nightmare except I’m not asleep.”

“Did you recognize where you were?”

“Yes, I was on a ship, like the one I was on when I started my journey to Westisle.”

“We call such things far sight visions and usually, its best not to tell others about them, unless you see a clear danger and the person in danger needs to know what to watch for. The problem with telling others is that by trying to avoid the situation, often worse things happen.”

“I did have a dream about the sailors that attacked us in Llantiago, and then it happened just like in my dream.”

“Far sight is usually something limited to people with Pharsi lineage. Are your parents Pharsi?”

“My Maman is. See taught us how to speak Pharsi and told us the old stories.”

“That explains much. I feel safer already. See you in the morning.”

Part (16) It’s a big dangerous world out there

This is a fan-fiction set on Terahnar the world created by L.E. Modesitt for his Imager series. I have no rights to any of it and don’t claim to. I just wanted to see what a story about a MTF transgender person set in the time just after Rex Regis consolidated Lydar into Solidar would be like.

As this story comes to an end I want to thank several folks who have helped me produce a story worth reading. Anne has been with me from the first and except for one or two slip-ups, which were my fault, the reason that any of the 16 parts were worth reading was because of her efforts, suggestions and help.

In response to my recent plea for help two folks have stepped forward: DJ and Randy and have really helped with this final part. Thank you so very much, my talented editors and thanks to you, those who have read this little tale and let me know your opinions on this effort at fan-fic. JH

Previously:

I was tired from my work done researching the information for the meetings and then the excitement at the meal. I started to yawn and suddenly I saw a ball of fire landed on the deck of a ship right in front of me. It was so real, I stepped back to get out of the way.

“Joli, what’s happening?” asked Vaelora “You look like you’ve seen a bear face to face.”

“I just had a nightmare except I’m not asleep.”

“Did you recognize where you were?”

“Yes, I was on a ship, like the one I sailed on when I started my journey to Westisle.”

“We call such things farsight visions and usually, its best not to tell others about them, unless you see a clear danger and the person in danger needs to know what to watch for. The problem with telling others is that by trying to avoid the situation, often worse things happen.”

“I did have a dream about the sailors that attacked us in Lantiago, and then it happened just like in my dream.”

“farsight is usually something limited to people with Pharsi lineage. Are your parents Pharsi?”

“My maman is. See taught us how to speak Pharsi and told us the old stories.”

“That explains much. I feel safer already. See you in the morning.”

Farsight flashes; that’s what the Lady had called them. When I thought about it and remembered some of my dreams, I realized that several times I had dreams that had come true. Apparently my dreams, it seemed, had included such flashes for some time. However before today, I’d never had one while I was wide-awake. Now I ad the information to understand what I had been seeing.

What had I seen in the flash?

I was on a ship and a ball of fire was coming at me and in fact one had landed at my feet.

Did this mean that I should never get on another ship? If I did that, how would I get back to Westisle?

The Lady had said that trying to avoid what was revealed in the flash tended to make things worse. I’d just have to be more aware especially when I was on board a ship.

I had first meal the next morning with Lady Vaelora in her office along with Imager Captain Lhandor.

“Can either of you detect another imager?” she asked.

“I cannot,” said Lhandor, “but I know that some imagers can. Captain Khalis can for example. He told me that Commander Quaeryt’s shield’s were the brightest he had ever seen. At least that’s what he said. I’ve never seen brightness around any imager.”

“Do you have a shield in place now?” I asked.

“Yes, it’s a habit that’s saved my life more than once.”

“Would you drop it for a moment. What you just said was something I’d never heard or thought of.”

I watched Lhandor closely, it looked like he had been walking in sunlight and stepped into a shadow.

“Now bring your shield back in place.”

Now he was back in the light, or rather he seemed to be shining.

Interestingly, the Lady had a glow as well. Not shining like Lhandor, but a glow. I looked at Myldryd, the Lady’s Chamber maid. She didn’t glow or shine.

I realized that I thought that everyone could see the same way I see things. When I thought about it everyone at Westisle either shone or glowed. The senior imagers shone brightly while the new imagers were dimmer. Some, like most of the kitchen staff didn’t shine at all. Jynen glowed. I hadn’t realized that before.

“I think I can see when someone has imaging abilities,” I said. “it just came to me that not everyone sees people glowing or shining. I just realized that I have always seen people this way and I didn’t think anything of it. I thought that everyone could see what I saw.”

“I know of only one other imager, Captain Khalis, who can,” said Lhandor.

“Please let us know if you see anyone who is glowing and who is not a known imager wearing gray, so that we can be aware of the potential danger. We know that it is likely that not all imagers in Antiago were with the Autarch when his palace was dumped on him, so keep watch for any shining people,” said Lady Vaelora.

“Now let's go over today’s meetings and what I can expect,” she said.

For the next glass we went over the names and backgrounds of those attending the morning and afternoon meetings. We covered those who held some official position first, then the rest of those attending. I followed Vaelora and Myldryd into her dressing room and continued my briefing as she dressed.

“Joli, when we leave any meeting, I want you to go ahead of me, then bring up your concealment shield and slip back into the meeting room and listen to the conversations that happen after I leave. Be very careful. Don't make a sound, or even breath hard. I don’t want to have to explain why you are there eavesdropping, but do this for all our meetings unless I ask you not to.”

I understood how important such information would be. I also understood how dangerous and damaging it would be if I were discovered listening behind a concealment shield. I promised myself that I would be extra careful when doing this listening-task.

Both meetings today were held here in the large meeting room on the second floor. The first meeting was with the Lantiago City Council. As the bell sounded 10th glass, I entered the meeting room followed by Lady Vaelora. The councilors were already present and they all stood as we entered.

The Chief Councilor was the owner of a handling and storage enterprise. He had a stocky build and must have been very impressive when he was younger. His workmen loaded and unloaded almost seventy five percent of the goods that used the harbor. His warehouses provided half the available warehouse space for holding goods temporarily between being shipped out or sent off in a wagon to somewhere in Antiago. Now that the continent was one country, Solidar, there would be no tariffs for shipping anywhere in the new country. He might be worried now but I suspected that once he got used to Rex Regis' rule this man would be an enthusiastic supporter.

There were eight other Councilors. Two were members of the trade guilds: a furniture maker and a stonemason. Two others were factors: a produce factor and a dry goods factor. Two were involved with the harbor as tug and barge operators. Two were elected by a vote of the people of Lantiago and could be from any vocation.

After she was introduced by Governor Alazyn , Lady Vaelora said, “Councilors, I have been asked by Rex Regis, my brother, to present an overview of what he expects from his subjects and what he sees as his obligations to you. I will also refer to elements of our Code of Laws and Tariffs to highlight certain elements and requirements that our Rex believes are most important to a just and well operating society. I would like to follow this format: I will present a topic, issues and expectations, after each topic I will attempt to answer or respond to your questions and concerns.”

“A little more than 6 years ago, our Rex sent out copies of a Code of Laws and Tariffs all across Solidar. This code and laws replaces and supersedes any code or laws that were in place before. In addition to the Code, our Rex instituted a structure of governance that put in place governors over regions of our country. Here in Antiago, the Governor is Commander Alazyn. You are fortunate in Antiago because he has been here from the start of unification. He understands the changes that have been required of you, in terms of local, regional and national control.

The next step in the growth of Solidar is the creation of the Regional and National Councils. The local councils in each region will appoint two representatives each to the Regional Council. There will also be two at large representatives, appointed by the Governor. These at-large councilors must have their residence in the region and be current in their taxes and fees in that region.

Your two national representatives will be selected and elected by a vote of all of the councils in the Antiagon Region. The National Council meets twice a year for one month each time, in L’Excelsis. These meetings will focus on addressing issues of national concern

Are there any questions?”

The ensuing hubbub ended when Governor Alazyn banged wooden mallet on the table until he had everyone’s attention.

“Gentlemen, gentlemen, if you will return to your seats and raise your hands, Lady Vaelora and I will respond to your questions in an orderly fashion.

“Councilor Hayesabyl, do you have a question?” asked the Governor.

“I certainly do. In all my memory and the memories of all here, I cannot recall a time when the Autarch of Antiago, demanded such oppressive governance. Why has Rex Regis put this burdensome structure on our backs?”

“Let me speak to that, if you will Governor,” said Lady Vaelora.

“First you should understand that Tilboar, the home of Lord Bhayar, now Rex Regis, has been using this system of governance for generations. We know how it should work and how to fix it where it doesn’t.”

“Your form of governance under that Autarch was fine if you overlook the corruption and the way laws and rules weren’t applied evenhandedly to everyone.”

“We’ve learned in governing not only Teleran, but Tilboar and Bovaria that rules that change at the whim of whoever is in power at a particular place and time are a sure recipe for discontent and rebellion.”

“You claim, without direct knowledge, that the structure of the code and governance is burdensome. My answer is that it’s equally burdensome to all. If you don’t care to follow the new code, you will have to accept the consequences of defying it. I’d suggest that you visit the burial mound of the Autarch before you make that kind of decision.”

Her words caused all the councilors to look sideways at each other and shake their heads. The questions asked for the remainder of the session were focused on specifics of the code or procedural issues. There were no other questions about why Antiago had to obey the laws the same way the rest of Solidar follows the code.

When the time allocated to the meeting ended, Governor Alazyn stood and thanked everyone for attending and said he looked forward to seeing them at the ball tonight.

I led the way through the door, in front of Lady Vaelora, brought up my invisibility shield and went back inside before the door closed, just as we planned.

“What do you think of having a woman telling us what we have to do?” asked Councilor Hayesabyl to the room in general.

“This woman happens to be the sister of the Rex and the wife of the imager who destroyed, the ruler of Boveria and Antiago,” someone said.

“I think we have a choice: live within the new rules or move to another country,” said Dysrt, the Councilor who had been a stonemason.

“There is a third choice,” said Cyclyrt, one of the Factors, “you could oppose them and end up buried under your own home.”

“I heard that there was an attempt to assassinate Lady Vaelora last night and that the assassin is in a cell here in the Chateau and that he didn’t even get close to her. One of her imagers dropped him like a sack of potatoes.”

“As I see it,” said Dysrt, “we can learn to play this game by the new rules or be destroyed when we fail to comply.”

They all left within a few minutes of this discussion.

I went to the door that Lady Vaelora used, and dropped my shield as I opened it. I went to her office and told her what I had heard.

In a little while our lunch was brought up to her office and we talked about what we expected from the afternoon meeting.

The afternoon meeting with the High Holders was much like the morning meeting with the Factors except more so. Each High Holder had something to say although their meaning was the same again and again: “leave us alone, we’re High Holders so we can do whatever we want.” The spark that started the fire was Lady Vaelora’s opening statement.

“Rex Regis well understands the privileges that are the essence of being a High Holder. He has many High Holders in his ancestral land Telleran, and in the lands who have mistakenly attacked us, Bovaria and Antiago and are now part of Solidar. When his armies marched up the river Aluse, only those High Holdings that failed to pledge not to attack our armies were in any way punished. Even when our armies appropriated supplies, we left payment and an accounting of what was taken. No other army has ever done that in the history of Lydar.”

“Even among the Bovarian High Holders along the border with Antiago, who refused to meet with our representative, only those who fled into Antiago and did not return and submit to our Rex’s rule, lost their holdings. And several who have come back and pledged allegiance to our Rex now have their Holding in the hands of their offspring.”

“With privileges come responsibilities. In the new Code of Laws, High Holders still retain the right of Low Justice, the ability to mete out punishments for lesser crimes, however High Justice for crimes such as robbery, murder and the like are the domain of the City or Regional Justicer. Anyone brought before the justice system for a high crime, will be represented by a court appointed Justicer if they cannot afford to retain one themselves and the trial will be held in a city or regional court room.

“Before the new code, High Holders were a law unto themselves and answerable to no one and now you can only deal out punishments for small crimes and small punishments.

“Perhaps you believe that because Solidar is a big land, it will be impossible for our Rex to punish a High Holder in the depths of Antiago for ignoring the new code and continuing with the practices that they have been doing for generations. I want to dissuade you of that notion,” said the Lady. “Please use the example of what happened to the Autarch of Antiago, the King of Bovaria and several High Holders who have opposed the will of Rex Regis. To a person, they or their kin, no longer exist. I urge you to verify my statement by asking the High Holders who remain alive and well after our battles in Bovaria, Antiago and Tellerand.”

There was a lot of huffing and puffing but no overt challenges to the Lady’s statements.

When I slipped back into the room inside my invisibility shield, the consensus seemed to be a wait and see attitude. As long as the country was run fairly, meaning that they maintained the ability to hold on to and increase their Holdings, nothing needed to be done, for now.

I returned to the Lady’s suite and reported on what I had heard and my impressions of the feelings behind the statements. We had a light meal while she and her maid worked on her hair in preparation for the ball.

“You need to go get ready so that we can go down to the ball room together,” she said and shooed me out of her room.

I had a dress made especially for occasions like this and I started to get ready from the skin out. I had my under clothes on when Myldryd, Vaelora’s maid entered my room and begin directing my dressing. She had a large box that contained all sorts of powders, creams, oils, paints and things I had never seen before.

“Sit here and look at the picture on the wall,” she directed me and started to apply powder, paint, and other things to my face.

“Its too bad you do not have pierced ear lobes, the Lady wanted you to wear these little gems in your ears tonight.”

“What do you mean by pierced ears?”

“Like this,” she said and drew back her hair and showed me her ear lobes. They had a tiny hole in which a small pin was placed.

“Can you take one of them out so I can see the hole?”

“Yes, here, have a look.”

I examined the hole, concentrated on having one just like it in both of my ear lobes, and with a short, sharp pin-prick, I had holes in my ears. “Will these do?”

“By the Nameless, I’ve never seen such a thing,” she said and put the little earrings into the newly made holes in my ear lobes.

Next she went to work on my hair, brushing it one way and then another with a little oil or cream until she seemed either satisfied or resigned that she could do no more.

“The Lady wants you to wear these stocking, but you need to remove the hair from your legs.”

I concentrated and felt the skin on my legs tingle and said, “How’s this?”

“Amazing. You have no idea how fortunate you are. I usually nick myself when I use a razor on my legs.”

Pulling up the stockings on my legs produced a new and wonderful feeling.

“Take off your bloomers and drawers,” ordered Myldryd, “you’ll put them back on after the corset so that you don’t have to take off so much when you have to pee.”

Next came the corset. It was pulled tighter than I ever thought possible. There were clips that attached to the stockings. I pulled on my panties and bloomers, then the petticoats and finally the dress. I had to hold on to Myldryd when I stepped into the shoes.

“I’m not used to these higher heels,” I said.

“You’ll get used to them soon enough. Stand up straight with your chest out and shoulders back and your chin up. You are a part of the Lady’s entourage and you must not dishonor her by slouching and plodding around.”

I look at the image of this pretty young girl in the mirror and couldn’t believe that it was me.

My cheeks were rosy, my eyes were lined, my complexion was creamy, the gems dangling from my ears sparkled in the light. I looked down and noticed that my breasts seem twice as large and about to burst over the top of the bodice.

“You’ve transformed me into a beauty.”

“All I did was let your beauty out from under the gray coverings you wear all the time.”

My dress was a very light blue with a light gray vest that came under my breasts and I had a charcoal gray scarf so that I could claim to still be dressed in “Imager Gray”.

“Joli D’ Imager, special assistant to Lady Vaelora,” called out the senior staff in his liveried outfit, followed, after a significant pause by “Lady Vaelora, Minister of Administration and Supply and Special Envoy to Antiago of Rex Regis.”

I had moved toward the left side of the room and looked at all the faces focused on the Lady. There were all sorts of expressions on those faces. Many of the women were looking at her as they would a prized animal, seeking flaws and mentally comparing themselves to her. There were many narrowed eyed men gazing at this most powerful woman. I suspected they were thinking how they could benefit from her or what they needed to do to protect themselves. I got the impression of a young lamb entering a den of mountain cats.

What they didn’t know, but my impressions from my short time serving her had shown me, is that it was much more like a herd of goats, stumbling into the path of the mother mountain cat.

I took my position behind the Lady who was the last person in the reception line as each of the important people went down the line greeting first Commander Paedn, then Governor Alazyn and then Lady Vaelora. I recognized several of those from our meetings. They seemed much more resigned for the most part when they exchanged a few words with her.

After the last person met her, the lady turned to me and said, “move around, get something to eat and even dance if you want.” With that she went to speak with several of the senior imagers and military men whom she seemed to know.

I sampled some of the bits of food and some of the bubbly wine and was standing near one of the windows when a young man, dressed in dark blue pants and coat over a pale yellow shirt approached me.

“Would you like to dance?”

“Yes, thank you,” I said and hoped my lessons were adequate to the task.

As he held out his hand to me and I took it, I realized that he had a glow. He was an imager, although not a very strong one. I wondered if he had discovered his imaging abilities?

“I am Byndt Wlymtt-Alt and I know that you are an assistant to Lady Vaelora, but that is all I know of you. Did you come from L’Excelsis with her?”

“No, I am Joli D’Imager from Westisle.”

“I didn’t know women could be imagers.”

“It does happen, as I’ve discovered.”

“Are you the oldest son of Wlymtt?”

“No, I’m the third, behind my sister and brother. He is the successor to Wlymtt so I must find my own way. I’d thought about the navy. I understand that our Rex is expanding our navy and there might be a place for an earnest young officer,” he said with a smile.

“If you were an imager, you’d have a place and a profession,” I said.

“You mean that you can learn to be an imager? I never heard that was possible.”

“No, imaging is a skill you have from birth or not at all. I just meant that anyone who discovers that they are an imager must come to one of the Collegium, here in Westisle or to Imageisle in L’Excelsis. That is part of our new Code.”

The dance was well underway and we were just standing at the edge of the dance, still holding hands.

“Let us take advantage of the dance,” he said and we stepped and spun to the music.

After a second dance he asked,“ Would you like something to drink?”

“Yes, some of the white wine please.”

Either he had not recognized that he could image, or he was hiding it because it meant loss of all the privileges that came with being a male heir of a High Holder household. I suspected he was hoping he wasn’t an imager and if he didn’t mention it, nobody would know.

After he returned with my drink, he asked, “how did you know your were an imager?”

“I discovered that I was an imager when I imaged a lit candle in the middle of the night, next to my bed.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” he said.

“That was the first time I did imaging when someone else was there. I had a bad dream and wanted to see what was scaring me in my dream, I imaged a lit candle in my sleep. Fortunately, my sisters woke up and asked were that candle had come from and we didn’t set anything on fire.”

“You know most imagers have some type of accident just after they discover their ability to image. Sometimes people are killed or injured before the imager learns how to control his imaging.”

I could tell by the look on his face that he was shocked.

“I hadn’t heard that about imagers. I’ll keep it in mind if I ever come across an undiscovered imager.”

“Yes, do that and call on me if ever you feel the need.”

“Have you ever been to a ball like last night?” Vaelora asked me.

“I have never been to a big dance, much less a ball.”

“I think you need to get used to it because you can help make this new land safe for us all. Doing so may involve going to many balls and other places where your unique skills and appearance can be a true advantage.”

“We will be going to Westisle at midday and returning tomorrow.”

“Yes My Lady, I have today’s schedule memorized, I believe. It amazes me that, even though I’ve only been away a few day, I miss the Collegium and the people.”

We had a short meeting with the civic patrol officers of L’Lantiago and then rode in coaches to the harbor. The sea had small waves but the wind was coming from a direction that wouldn’t cause too much trouble between Westisle and L’Lantiago. By the first bell in the afternoon, our ship had cleared the harbor and was running toward Westisle.

We were a little beyond half way when I saw the sails of another ship come around the point of the isle. It seemed to be headed on a course toward us. In a little while, I could see that it was going to go behind us, but rather close. I moved to the stern rail and saw what looked like a catapult on the deck in a clear space between two masts. It reminded me of the one we used at Westisle to train how to stop crocks of Antiagon Fire from landing on troops.

Suddenly I saw an object arch toward our ship and it landed not too far from me, broke into pieces that burst into flames. I needed to get the flames off the ship and away from us! I used the heat of the flames and imaged the pot back together and the material back into the pot. Then I sent the pot back to the other ship at the base of the catapult. When I was done there was ice, thick as a heavy frost on the deck and railing.

The other ship had turned to run parallel to our course. The catapult snapped forward and another object headed our way. I focused and sent it back to the base of the catapult. It crashed into the deck and the fire from the first crock I sent back, doubled in size and men started jumping overboard as fire spread up the lines and engulfed the sails.

I felt weak and grabbed the rail and dropped to the deck as my legs gave out. My head felt like it would split open and everything I looked at had a red haze. The ship’s master was yelling and so was Lady Vaelora, but my hearing seemed muffled.

“Here, eat this and then drink all of this,” Vaelora said and handed me a square of cheese and a mug. The cheese was hard and the mug contained watered beer. As I ate and drank, I felt better and better.

“I can see that Captain Threkhyl has trained you in methods to defend against Antiagon Fire,” said Vaelora. “We all should be glad he did and that you were a star student.”

“Captain Hyrlan, do you know who owns that ship?” asked Lady Vaelora.

The ship’s captain paused for a moment. He had been turning the ship around to see if they could pick up survivors.

“I believe the ship was the Son of Dylker, my Lady, owned by Holder Glythyr. His Holding is on Westisle. He lost several ships in the battle with Teleran. Two of his sons went down with those ships.”

“Thank you Captain Hyrlan. I will be visiting him tomorrow,” said Lady Valeora and she turned and walked across the deck to where the military commander and Major Volytr were standing.

“Major Volytr, I’d like to pay a visit to High Holder Glythyr, tomorrow if at all possible.”

“Yes My Lady, I should like to meet with him also.”

The next morning as daylight was streaming into the courtyard of the Collegium, Major Volytr lead a company of Solarian mounted troops plus the senior imagers and Lady Vaelora and me out of the main gates. My assignment was to ride next to the Lady and protect her from any harm. It took several glasses to reach High Holder Glythyr’s estate but we stopped a mille before the gates to listen to the reports from the scouts.

The group leader of the scouts reported to Volytr, “Sir, the main gate appears to be blocked and there are towers inside the walls, one about every 200 yards. We counted 6 towers with a squad of archers in each tower. The residence sits at the end of the road that is about a half mille from the gate. The road goes along the top of a ridge with steep slopes on either side. The Hold house sits on a cliff that looks over the sea.”

“Major, I’d appreciate it if you would send one of your well shielded imagers with this message to Holder Glythyr,” said Lady Vaelora and handed a rolled up scroll to him.

“The message requires that he meet with us within the glass to discuss yesterday’s attack by one of his vessels, by the authority Rex Regis has given me as his representative to the High Holders of Antiago. It also advises that failure to comply with this request will lead to dire consequences for the Holding.”

“Captain Lhandor, would you be so kind as to deliver the Lady’s message and accept the Holder’s reply,” said Volytr.

We waited almost a glass before Captain Lhandor returned.

When he reigned his horse up in front of Major Volytr, I saw that he was holding several crossbow bolts in his hand.

“Major, I delivered the message to an arms man at the gate and told him I would wait for the Holder’s reply. In less than two quints, I was assaulted by the forces on the two towers nearest the gate.” As he finished his report he handed a bolt to the Major and to the Lady. “I brought these bolts as the only reply I received.”

Major Volytr turned in his saddle and said, “Captain Threkhyl, when we are within your imaging range, I want you and another imager you choose to remove the two towers and also level the walls on each side of the gate so that our company will have no difficulty entering the Holding.”

We rode until we were about fifty yards from the gate and Volytr said “Now would be good Captain.” There were several flashes of light and the gate stood alone with a wide stone road running around it. The towers looked like they had been sliced off about half way up their original height.

As we rode around the gate, I noticed that the air was considerably cooler and patches of ice were turning into puddles on the new entrance to the hold. I imagined an impenetrable, invisible wall extending around the Lady and me. It felt as though I was carrying the Lady on my back, but I kept the shield in place as we neared the Hold house.

We stopped in front of a gate in a second wall, this one about two yards high, more of a stone fence than a wall and Volytr ordered Tynco, an imager secoundus, to remove the gate.

Suddenly I felt a blow on my shields like I had been run into by a horse. I realized that there must be an imager trying to harm the lady. I looked up on the balcony above the double doors of the house and saw a man shining brightly. I tried to image shut the blood vessels in his throat, but I was blocked! He had shields too.

To the right and left of the house I noticed that the other imagers had returned crocks of Antiagon Fire to the bases of the catapults that must have launched them. I concentrated on linking to the fires and using them to break through the imager's shield. I saw the man collapse and in that instant, the attack on the Lady vanished.

In moments a woman ran out from the house holding a white cloth over her head yelling, “Mercy, mercy, we surrender.”

“Enough, stand down, but be ready,” commanded Major Volytr.

“Who are you?” demanded the Lady.

“I am Syryna, Syryna D’Glythyr. That man you killed is my husband, High Holder Glythyr.”

“He is not dead, Lady, just unconscious and unable to move,” I said in a low voice. “He is also an imager of considerable power.”

“Major Volytr,” said Vaelora firmly, “have your men blindfold the Holder and bind his hands and feet. He is responsible for the attacks yesterday and today. We will take him to Lantiago to stand trial.”

“When he is all trussed up, bring him back to consciousness,” Vaelora said to me.

“Yes My Lady”

As soon as he was bound, gagged and had a heavy sack over his head, I released the pressure I had placed on his spine and stimulated the blood vessels around the area. He shook his arms and legs and there was a muffled yell, but then he lay still.

“High Holder Glythyr I charge you with attempted murder and assault on a representative of Rex Regis. You will be transported to Lantiago where a trial will decide your fate. Syryna D’Glythyr, you may provide an advocate for the Holder at the trial, which will be held the day after tomorrow at the Chateau D’Rex,” said Lady Vaelora.

“Major, let us return to the Collegium so we can prepare for the trial.”

We returned to the Collegium then accompanied by several of the imagers and soldiers who had participated in the incident, we boarded a ship and arrived in Lantiago close to midnight. The next morning was spent organizing the people and place for the trial as well as posting and sending notices to the head of the Holder's and Factor’s Council.

After supper the Lady, Major Volytr, Imager Captain Lhandor and I met in her study.

“Imager Joli, tell us what you did yesterday as completely and precisely as you can,” said the Lady.

“After we went around the gate, I placed my strongest shield around both of us. Just after we stopped in front of the house I felt something like a horse running into my shields. It hurt but I didn’t let the blow get through. I looked at the house and saw a man standing on the balcony who was shining as if he was standing in a ray of sun. I guessed that he was the imager who was attacking us so I tried to squeeze the blood going into his head but his shields were too strong. Then I saw the fires by the catapults and I concentrated on using the heat from the fires to break through the imager’s shields and when I did, I made him lose consciousness, then put a pressure block on his spine to make him immobile.”

“That was truly impressive,” said Captain Lhandor. “Major Volytr, you have a really special imager here.”

“I’ve known that for some time. I just wanted to give her a chance to grow up before we send her out to deal with people like Holder Glythyr.”

“Lady Vaelora, what will be the likely outcome of tomorrows’ trial?” asked Volytr.

“I expect him to enter a plea of “for mercy” if he’s smart, but I think his pride won’t let him. If he is found guilty, I want the sentence carried out there and then.”

“Who will be the judge?” asked Lhandor.

“Governor Alazyn will be the Justicer. I want you, Lhandor, to represent Rex Regis.”

“Joli, I want you to stay right beside Lady Vaelora all day long tomorrow,” said Volytr “and for you remember what you did to Urytl when he threatened the other imagers.

“Yes sir.”

“I want you to do that to Holder Glythyr when he isn’t blindfolded. You can let the shield go when I nod at you and then reestablish it when I stroke my chin. We will alternate holding a shield around him so that neither of us will get too tired.”

“Yes sir.”

“Gentlemen, it has been a pair of long, trying days. I’ll see you early tomorrow. Joli, if you will accompany me to my rooms, I’d like to speak with you.”

Myldryd had a bath ready for Vaelora when we entered her bed room and the Lady removed her clothes and stepped into the warm water.

“Joli, I have something very important to ask you and I want an honest answer, not the answer you may think I want to hear.”

“Certainly My Lady, I’ll answer as honestly as I can.”

“Almost certainly, tomorrow High Holder Glythyr will be found guilty of the attempt on my life as well as the attacks on our soldiers. The penalty for such an act is death, without any exceptions. I’m going to ask Major Volytr to carry out the sentence. He will most likely remove Glythyr’s heart. Can you block Glythyr’s spine again so that he feels no pain?”

I shuddered at the bluntness and directness of the Lady’s words and then was amazed that she would ask that Glythyr feel no pain.

“Yes My Lady, but I will need some signal from Major Volytr so that I know when to image Glythyr’s spine.”

“I will ask that Volytr look directly at you before he deals with Glythyr.”

The trial was held in the same ballroom that was used for the “Welcoming Ball”. A platform was placed at the end of the room opposite the double doors that formed the main entrance. Two other platforms, one on either side of the center platform, were smaller than the main platform and had two chairs at each one. The chairs on one of the platforms were for Lady Vaelora and Commander Paedn, the other held Holder Glythyr and his advocate, High Holder Smythclyff. The central platform had a single chair and a table-desk where the Governor would sit.

When Lady Vaelora entered the room, everyone stood up until she took her seat. The Governor entered next and finally Glythyr and Smythclyff. As I came into the room, the blindfold was removed from Holder Glythyr and I applied a shield all around Glythyr an arms length away from his body. The Lady entered last and I took my place standing behind her and Major Volytr took his place behind Glythyr and Governor Alazyn rapped his table with a small gavel.

“The trial of High Holder Glythyr has now begun. Who speaks for Rex Regis?”

Captain Lhandor approached the space in front of the Governor’s table and said, “I speak for the Rex.”

“Who speaks for High Holder Glythyr?”

“I speak for the High Holder, said Holder Smythclyff as he moved into the space before the Governor.

“What are the charges against High Holder Glythyr?”

Lhandor cleared his throat and said, “High Holder Glythyr is charged with acts that would have resulted in the injury or death of Lady Vaelora, the emissary from Rex Regis, and also causing acts to be carried out that would have caused injury or death to the Rex’s soldiers who were supporting Lady Vaelora in her attempt to communicate with Holder Glythyr.”

“How does the High Holder Glythyr plea?”

“He pleads “for mercy”, honorable Justicer,” said Smythclyff.

“Captain Lhandor please provide the details of Holder Glythyr’s actions and present any corroborating witnesses you may have.”

First Major Volytr, then Captain Threkhyl, then group leader Skynert gave their accounts of being attacked after attempting to speak with Holder Glythyr. I was called to describe what my orders were and how I detected an attack by an imager.

“I felt a very strong force against the shield I had created to protect Lady Vaelora. I looked to see if I could determine who was attacking me and I noticed a man on the balcony staring fixedly at the Lady. It took several attempts but I was able to render him unconscious and the image attacks stopped.”

With my testimony, the prosecution’s presentation was complete.

“Please present your plea, Holder Smythclyff,” said Governor Alazyn.

“I call Holder Glythyr to the witness stand,” said Smythclyff.

“Please tell us you reasons for defending your Holding with force of arms.”

“My family has operated a fleet of ships sailing out of Westisle for more than ten generations. When the Telleran army invaded Antiago, there were several sea battles. As a result of those battles I have lost three sons and five stepsons. The husband of this woman was responsible for sinking all of those ships. My attacks on this woman and her death were intended as balance against my loss. As I see it, I have a blood debt against the ruler of Telleryn and his kin.”

“No further questions your honor,” said Smythclyff.

“Do you have any questions Captain Lhandor?”

“Yes, your honor I do.”

“When did you discover you were an imager, Holder Glythyr?”

“Since I was a little boy.”

“Are you aware of that part of the code of Solidar that requires all imagers to register and submit to the rules set forth in the code?”

“I remember reading something about imaging but I didn’t think it applied to High Holders.”

“Do you recall reading the part that imaging by unregistered imagers that cause harm or imaging with the intent to do harm is a mortal crime?”

“What if it is? It doesn’t apply to me, I’m a High Holder.”

“No further questions, your honor.”

“This court stands adjourned while I review the presentations and testimony,” said Governor Alazyn.

We all stood as the Governor walked from the room and Glythyr was blindfolded and lead out of the room.

In less than a glass we were called back into the courtroom and then Governor Alazyn resumed his place on the central platform. When Glythyr was lead to a place just in front of the center platform and the blindfold was removed I put my shield around him again.

“Holder Glythyr,” said Alazyn “you have entered a plea of ‘For Mercy’. That plea is denied. You have conducted a campaign of revenge against our Rex and his administrators, officers and family. Revenge is not a basis for mercy. I find you guilty of all charges.”

I was watching Glythyr and at Alazyn’s words he seemed to shudder and swell his chest. I reinforced my shield around him by imaging another layer on top of the first one.

There was a flash of light and suddenly ice formed all over Glythyr. It looked to be more that three digits thick all over his body. I released my shields and it looked as if he was on fire, except steam was boiling off him rather than flames and smoke. As the steamed subsided he collapsed in a heap on the floor.

As he collapsed, I put a shield around Lady Vaelora and me. In two heartbeats I felt something slam into my shield. I looked around and two men had rushed into the room from near the windows. The one I was watching looked down at his chest at the dagger embedded in it and then he fell to the floor. I glanced to the other man who was also sprawled on the floor, blood seeping from under the body.

We rushed the Lady out of the ball room and into her parlor, along with the Governor and Commander Paedn.

“Please tell me what just happened,” said Lady Vaelora

“Tell us what you did, Joli,” said Volytr.

“As we had planned, I was holding shields around Glythyr as he was standing before the Governor. When the Governor announced that he was guilty, Glythyr seemed to stiffen and I put another layer of shielding around him. He did attempt some type of imaging because if he hadn’t he wouldn’t have frozen himself. When I saw him covered in ice I released my shields on him and put them around the lady and me. Just after he collapsed, I felt something hit my shields. I kept a shield around the Lady until we entered this room.”

“You next Captain Lhandor.”

“I was shielding the Governor and when Glythyr dropped, I felt a bolt hit my shield. I looked around and saw the bolt came from one of those miniature crossbows the assassins use. I saw a man with such a weapon standing next to the window and I imaged a dagger into his chest and through his heart.”

“I saw two men with those crossbows coming from the windows and when a dagger appeared in the chest of one I imaged a dagger into the chest of the other. I expect that we will find that these men are part of the assassin’s guild I’ve heard about here in Antiago,” said Major Volytr

“Once again, imagers have saved my life and also the Governor’s. Words cannot express my gratitude. I am also extremely impressed with our young lady. She has shown a remarkable presence of mind, for which I am particularly thankful,” said the Lady.

“Major Volytr, isn’t there some way you could reward her?”

“I could advance her to Imager Tertius, a step below Master imager. She has more than enough imaging talent and power to be a Master imager now, but she needs a little more life experience before I saddle her with that burden.”