Kevin is celebrating his 50th anniversary and is contemplating his life choices.
Note that although the theme of this story is about crossdressing/transgender issues, no transformations occur in the story.
"Surprise!" shouted the crowd as Kevin and Terry walked into the living room of their son Bill's home. Kevin surveyed the room with pleasure as he saw all of his family. He smiled as he looked at his children, their spouses, his grandchildren, and of course Terry, his wife of 50 years. My goodness, could it really be that long? It hardly seemed possible. But there on the table was an anniversary cake, which said "Happy 50th Anniversary, Mom & Dad!"
He and Terry gave each other a hug, and then turned to Bill, and said, "Thank you so much for this!" Bill said, "Well, to be honest, most of the thanks should go to Meg; she did all the work." Kevin and Terry both gave Meg thank you hugs and kisses. And then the rest of the family came around for theirs. Soon enough, everyone had been properly hugged.
As is the way at gatherings such as this, the crowd quickly separated, the men into the den, with the big screen TV and the baseball game, and the ladies in the living room. The children were flitting about between the playroom in the basement, the backyard and of course occasionally making brief excursions into the living room and den.
Kevin found a place in a recliner in the den. He enjoyed watching baseball with his two boys, Bill and John, and his son-in-law, Brian. He particularly enjoyed it when his grandkids, Ron, Ginny and Jeffery would come and watch for an inning. His daughter Kristine was Jeffery's mother. Ron and Ginny were Bill and Meg's children. Bill had been addicted to J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series when he was growing up, and had married a woman that was an equal fanatic. Kevin privately thought that naming your kids after characters in a book was going a bit far, but he supposed it could have been worse. He thought at least they did pick two characters that had names that were fairly typical names in America; he shuddered to think of what an American girl named Hermione would have to put up with.
As Kevin thought about Harry Potter, and the Wizarding world portrayed in the series, he felt familiar strings of strong emotion as he wished with all his might that magic really did exist. It wasn't so much that Kevin wanted to be a wizard--he didn't really. Furthermore, he certainly did not want to live in a world that had Lord Voldemort in it. In his own childhood, he had grown up with Samantha from Bewitched and Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie, and they evoked the same emotion for him.
John, looking over at him, asked, "Dad, you ok?" Kevin forced a smile back on his face, and said, "Yes, I'm fine, son." John nodded and turned his attention back to the game.
Kevin went back into his thoughts about magic, and the various types of mythical ways that magic could present itself. He thought about Darrin Stevens and Major Nelson, and thought about how stupid they had been to try and stop Samantha and Jeannie from using their powers. Although, perhaps that was the only thing that prevented them from the slippery slope represented by Tolkien's One Ring. But Kevin wasn't interested in power, money or fame. He had one wish, and that was all he would need.
As far back as Kevin could remember, he had wanted the one thing that was simply not possible. Science in all these years still did not provide a solution. Kevin desperately wanted to experience what it was to be female. He couldn't even really explain why. It wasn't that he hated being male, because most of the time he didn't, but then there were times that he would have done anything to be rid of his penis once and for all. This desire had been with him as long as he could remember. His earliest memories of it were when he was in first or second grade.
When he went through puberty, he began cross-dressing as often as he could. Years later he discovered that he went through the classic stages for cross-dressers. He would dress, get aroused, masturbate, and then, feeling incredibly guilty, pledge to never do it again. Of course, that never lasted very long, and he would cycle right through all over again. That cycle was not broken, until he was no longer living at home with his parents where "Jessica" was relegated to stolen moments. He had found that when "Jessica" had time of her own, it was not necessary for her to compete for time with that other basic need.
In one sense he was lucky, since he had eventually found a way to accept that "Jessica" was a part of him, and that she was here to stay. Kevin had known of others that had never been able to accept that, and had succumbed to the guilt, and sunk into deep depression. Somehow, he had avoided that, for which he was eternally thankful.
At one point in his life, Kevin gave serious thought to Sexual Re-assignment Surgery. He read about people that were going through it, and his heart would go out to them. He truly understood their need, and he wished them peace and happiness. But he also knew that it simply was not the right answer for himself. SRS could give him a vagina, but it could not change his rather masculine bone structure, and it couldn't give him ovaries. For him, the desire to be a parent someday was more important.
When he met Terry, he soon fell madly in love with her. They had been dating for a short time, when perhaps after having had a couple of drinks too many, he told her about "Jessica." Terry was, to say the least, surprised but thankfully did not reject him out of hand. She had had many concerns, and over the next couple of years, they worked through them, before they got married. Number one concern for her was that she was decidedly not a lesbian, and did not want to be married to a woman. Kevin, having already worked this one out for himself was able to promise her that he would never have SRS. She wasn't particularly comfortable with Kevin's dressing, and wasn't sure how that would play out in the long term. Kevin promised her that if she married him, he understood that she needed, wanted and deserved a husband. "Jessica" would be secondary, and would have to be worked out between them as the situation dictated.
In the end, they had worked out rules that they both thought they could live with, and they decided that they could make a try at marriage.
Kevin smiled as he thought of that. He thought to himself, "I guess after 50 years, I can say we succeeded." Over the years, the role that "Jessica" played in their marriage went through many changes. The one constant was that when Terry or the children had needed Kevin, Kevin was Kevin. He had kept his promises all these years.
But as Kevin got older--he was now in his early 70's--facing his own mortality, the desire to experience even one day as a woman became almost unbearable. It was the itch he couldn't scratch. Kevin had been a fan of Robert A. Heinlein, and particularly enjoyed Time Enough for Love and it's sequels. He especially liked the concept of rejuvenation. When he was younger he had told himself, that by the time his life was winding down, science would have figured out how to do rejuvenations. One of the characters in the book is given the option to be rejuvenated as a man or a woman, Kevin had decided that he was willing to spend one lifetime as a man, but if he got a second, it would darn well be as a woman.
However, science had not progressed at all in this direction. Which was probably a good thing, since they had also not solved the speed of light barrier, and the planet really could not support people living multiple lives. So Kevin was resigned to the fact that he would never experience life as a woman. Which brought him back to the question of magic. Oh, what he would do for that one wish.
As he was thinking that, Terry came in from the living room, and sat across his lap, giving him a hug and a kiss. "Happy Anniversary, darling." she said.
"Happy Anniversary, my love." He replied.
"Who's winning?"
"Ummm.... "
Bill spoke up, "We are, six to two, Mom. Top of the eighth, two men down."
"Great!" she said to Bill.
To Kevin, she asked, "Honey, why don't you come on out to the living room, and spend some time with the girls?"
"Ok," he said and they got up and headed into the living room.
"Hi Dad, Mom convince you it was time to spend some girl time?" Kristine said with a smile.
Kevin, smiled back at his daughter, as his two daughters-in-law laughed. "I don't know about that, but I certainly do want to spend time with my girls too."
"Well, have a seat, can I get you some coffee?" asked Meg.
"That would be very nice, thank you."
"Mom, can I get you some more or anything else?"
"No thanks, Meg. I'm fine," answered Terry.
"How are the boys making out?" Kevin's other daughter-in-law, Jennifer asked.
"Oh, they are fine. Into the game, and we're winning, so they are happy enough," answered Kevin.
As the conversation steered to the exploits of Ron, Ginny and Jeffery at school, with Meg and Kristine telling competing stories alternating between utmost pride, and deepest embarrassment, Kevin again fell back into his thoughts.
Just as he enjoyed spending his time with the boys and the game, he enjoyed being welcome into the ladies' conversation. All of them had spent time with him as "Jessica" and again he was thankful that he was blessed with that level of acceptance. He knew far too many others like himself that had lived their whole lives hiding themselves from everyone they loved. He remembered how hard it had been when his own parents had been alive and he had had to hide himself from them. He hated it: he knew it was the right thing to do, but he hated it.
He had hoped, of course, that by this day and age society would have gotten over the prejudices that would cause people to hide their natures but, unfortunately, some things were still just not understood. Cross-dressing and Transgenderism were still not widely accepted. But he and Terry had done something right with raising their children, and not only were they all open-minded and accepting, but they had each found spouses that were as well. Kristine had actually broken off an engagement with a man when she discovered that he was not. Kevin had felt bad about that, but Kristine had told him in no uncertain terms that she was glad that she had found out when she did, as he was not the kind of man she wanted to spend her life with. Kevin felt much better when she found Brian, particularly since he found that Brian treated Kristine much better then her previous fiancé.
"Dad, are you Ok?" Kristine asked. Kevin jumped, startled from his thoughts. He looked over at Kristine, and saw concern on her face.
"I'm fine, honey; sorry, just thinking about things," he assured her.
"Can you come with me up to my room? There is something I want to show you."
"Sure, Kris, no problem." So he got up and followed Kristine up to the guest room.
"What's up, Kris" he asked when she closed the door.
"I want to talk to you about Jessica."
Kevin, sighed and said, "Kris, it's my fiftieth anniversary party for being your mother's husband. I don't think that Jessica has a place here today."
"Baloney. Jessica is just as much a part of you, and of this family, as Kevin is."
"Maybe, but your mother married me as Kevin, not Jessica."
"True, but Jessica is my mother's wife."
"I'm not going to debate that with you. Very well, what is it you want to talk about, Kristine?"
"It is clear to us all that, of late, Jessica is not content with her role in your life. We want to help, because we cannot just stand by watching you in pain and not want to try and do something about it."
"Honey, I appreciate that, really I do, but I'm fine."
"Dad, you talk a good game, but that's not true. Don't deny it; we all see it. You get lost in your thoughts, and we can see the pain in your face. It's true we don't understand your need for Jessica, but we do understand that you need Jessica, and that is important to us all. Including Mom. She has been married to you for 50 years, and she has grown too, you know."
"Yes, I know she has, and it's a never ending source of amazement to me that she has put up with me all these years. Most women would have kicked me out before we even got married."
"Maybe. I wouldn't have."
"That's different. You were raised with it. But you don't know that anyway. It's not like you married a cross-dresser."
"Only because I fell in love with a man that was not a cross-dresser. I wasn't looking for one, that is true, I was looking for a nice guy, and had he been one, it would have been fine with me."
"Maybe so. But what is your point? I don't see that there are any solutions to my problem. Basically, I'm resigned to the fact that I will never experience what it feels like to have a female body. There are no options available on that. I had hoped science would give me a chance before I die, but it's not very likely. I suppose I always knew that, but when I was a young man, I could tell myself, I just have to live long enough."
"What if I told you that I was given a very special coin?"
"Oh please, not that old saw. Half the fiction stories written use a magic coin as the plot device."
"Alright, you are right. But just for the sake of argument, what if I could grant your wish, and make it so you had been born a woman?"
"First off, if I were to get to make a wish, that is not what I would wish for."
"No?" Kristine looked surprised.
"Ok, I'll play along with you. I've seen It's a Wonderful Life, too, you know. If I was born a woman, then I would never have married your mother, and you and your brothers would not exist. And since you lot would not exist, you would not have married, and had my three grandchildren. No matter how much I might wish to have been female all my life, that is too high a price."
"Well, I guess I would have to agree with that, I hadn't really thought that through. So what would your wish be, surely you have had a chance to figure out exactly how to word it by now."
"Oh great and powerful Jeannie of the lamp, hear my wish..."
"I'm serious, Dad."
"Oh, all right Kris. I am torn on it, to be honest."
"Really, how so?"
"Because I don't want to lose your mother in the process. But, if I become female, I would, so the question I can't help asking myself, is do I want it bad enough that I could live a second lifetime without her, or at least not as a spouse. I don't think that I would, but it really is academic, since it is not possible."
"What makes you so sure that you would lose Mom?"
"Because she isn't a lesbian. She is most definitely not interested in woman."
"You would be making a wish."
"I could not make a wish that would change your mom, against her will. I couldn't live with myself!"
"I did not say anything about changing her against her will. But Mom might surprise you, and maybe, just maybe, she would be interested in being your husband the second time around."
"Well, that would certainly be strange."
"With all due respect, Dad, that would be the least strange part of it." Kristine smiled to soften the comment.
"True enough. But again, it's hypothetical. There are no magic coins, or Genies. The closest we can come is through surgery, and at my age, that would just make me a very old woman; it wouldn't give me a second lifetime."
"No, but it might give you some peace of mind."
"And more importantly, if you stipulate that Mom would also go through it, my understanding is the Female to Male surgery is much less effective. And on top of that, there is no way we could afford it, even if we could somehow convince the doctors to approve us as candidates."
"Well, I agree that surgery is not really a viable option."
"So that begs the question, what is the point of this discussion? There are no miracle solutions to my problem. It's just something I have to accept and, usually, I'm fine with it. There are days, when I admit, I want it so bad I just want to go into the kitchen and grab a knife and do it myself. But I would never do it. First off, I am a chicken when it comes to pain. Second, I have a responsibility to you all and, more importantly, I am proud of my accomplishments. You all make it worth my while."
"The point is that we hate to see you unhappy, and we want to find someway to ease your pain."
"Honey, pain is a part of life. We all have unfulfilled wishes. I'm a big boy, and can handle this. I suppose I should apologize to everyone though; I guess I have not been as good as I thought about keeping this to myself."
"You shouldn't have to keep it to yourself; we are your family."
"I'll try to do better. In the meantime, I'm thinking that there is a really wonderful looking cake out there, and my names on it. I think we should get back to the party."
"Ok, Dad, you go ahead. I'll be down in a minute."
"I love you, Kristine. Don't worry about me."
"Love you too, Daddy."
As Kevin walked from the room, Kristine went over to her jewelry box. She opened the box, and took out an old looking gold coin, and said, "Not today, I need to work this wish out, just a little bit more." She put the coin back in its box, and headed back to the party.
Copyright (c) 2005. All Rights Reserved.
Jane watched the ball drop in New York on her television screen. She was sitting alone in the inexpensive motel room she had lived in since she left her husband. A couple of weeks ago, she received the final divorce decree.
She raised her glass and said, “Happy Freaking New Year’s, Jane.”
Putting down her glass, she sat down on the small, battered sofa. Now that the divorce was finalized, and she had access to her share of the divided assets, she would finally be able to move into something a little bit nicer.
Irreconcilable differences. Thinking about the decades of her marriage, she had always been a faithful wife, and had followed the teachings of the church they attended. She had deferred to her husband’s opinions. She cooked, cleaned, raised their son, and never questioned the authority that the church gave to her husband.
That is, until she just could not any longer. She had started to follow politics, and she found she did not agree with him on many positions. When she started trying to discuss these issues, he would grow angry. He never physically assaulted her, but verbal abuse was becoming a constant. He complained to their pastor about her newfound independence, and she found herself being targeted in sermons, and her “friends” started to distance themselves from her.
Eventually she left and filed for divorce. In the process she lost her entire support network. Her family all took her husband’s side and completely cut her off.
The thing that bothered her more than anything, though, was that she allowed her husband to disown and disavow their son, Ben. She had not spoken with him in almost ten years. Her, she whispered to herself. What was the name that Ben had chosen when he transitioned? Sarah.
That was her name.
I need to find Sarah and do my best to make amends.
Jane made this her most important New Year’s resolution.
…
Finding Sarah was a bit of a challenge, since she did not have a current address or phone number. She did some online research; she found an address on one of those online people search sites. She saw that it listed her old name as a possible spouse. The address appeared to be Sarah’s current address.
She decided to send her a letter.
Dear Sarah, I hope this finds you well, and that you are truly happy. I would really like the opportunity to talk with you, at your convenience. I understand if hearing from me brings you any pain; that is not my intent.
Know that I love you and am deeply ashamed of myself for allowing this distance to come between us.
Love,
Mom
She added her address and phone number, put it in an envelope, stamped it, and took it to the post office. She sent it with a tracking number, so she would at least know that it was received.
…
According to the postal tracking site, the letter was received on the following Wednesday. Jane said a prayer that Sarah’s heart would be open and would reach out. By Saturday, she was just starting to think that it might be just too hard for Sarah to deal with her, when her phone rang. There was no caller ID.
“Hello?” she answered?
The person on the line did not immediately reply.
“Sarah? Is that you?”
She heard the person on the phone breathe in exclamation. “You’ve never called me Sarah before, Mom.”
“I know, and I am truly sorry for the pain I must have caused you, Sarah.”
Sarah took another breath, and replied “Why now? It’s been ten years. I sent you and Dad a Christmas card every year, and it bounces back rejected. I got the last one the same day I got your letter. So why?”
Jane answered, “I never saw those cards; your father must have been the one to send them back. He always insisted on reviewing the mail before I got to see it. I don’t know if you remember that. I finally stood up to him, Sarah. I have divorced him.”
“Well, I guess that explains the different return address, and phone number. Still, what do you want from me? You rejected me when I needed you most.”
“I’m not looking for anything from you, other than the chance to do what I should have done ten years ago. I’ve grown over the past couple of years, and I deeply regret the choices I made with my life.”
Sarah replied, “I don’t know, it took me several years to get to a place where I was okay. I don’t know if I can risk being hurt like that again.”
Jane flinched and said, “If it is too painful for you, I will understand. I don’t deserve anything from you. But you said you have been mailing us Christmas cards every year, isn’t it possible you were always hoping for a reconciliation?”
Sarah did not answer.
“Sarah, I would really like to come see you. I want to get to know the daughter I missed out on, and to be the mother I should have been, or at the very least your friend.”
“Let me think about it, Mom.”
“As you wish,” she said with a smile.
Sarah chuckled, “I still love that movie.”
“I love you, Buttercup.”
…
Jane got off the plane in Seattle. Sarah had agreed to meet with her at a neutral place and gave her a cell phone number to text when she arrived. She sent, “Just arrived at the airport, heading to the Hampton Inn & Suites near the airport.”
She took the hotel shuttle. Once she checked in and unpacked, she took the opportunity to freshen up.
A little while later, Sarah called.
“Hi, did you make it alright?”
Jane replied, “Yes, thank you, I did. All settled in.”
“I know we agreed to meet tomorrow for lunch, but are you willing to meet tonight? I will pick you up, and I know a place with good seafood, which if I recall correctly you were partial to.”
“That would be very nice.”
Sarah said, “Then I will pick you up in about forty minutes.”
Jane sat down and tried to prepare herself for meeting her daughter for the first time. She had no idea what Sarah would look like. All her memories were of Ben.
She thought back to when Ben had come home that last time, to tell them that he was going to transition. He had not gotten very far, when his father bellowed that no son of his was going to turn his back on God and to reject the gifts that had been bestowed upon him. He had attempted to grab Ben; he thought he could make a man of him by physically assaulting him. Ben wasn’t having any of that and, for the first and only time in his life, he punched his dad in the jaw. His dad went down to his knees, and Ben ran out.
She had been horrified but stood there and watched it happen in shock. When Ben left, she just buried her head in her hands and cried.
He was disowned and disavowed from that moment on, her husband would not hear of anything else.
She made her way to the front lobby and stood outside waiting for Sarah to arrive. A few minutes later, a silver-grey Toyota Prius came into the parking lot and up to the front of the hotel. A woman got out of the driver’s seat and approached her. She was a little a bit on the tall side, had on a very nice, tailored dress, and meticulous makeup.
The woman said, “Mom?”
Jane said, “Sarah? Wow, you look wonderful!”
“Thank you. I’ve worked hard at it.”
“It shows, Sarah. I think I’m underdressed!”
Sarah smiled, “No, you are fine, I just got out of work, so I am a bit overdressed. If you are ready, let’s go eat I’m sure you are hungry.”
Jane sat in the passenger seat, and Sarah got behind the wheel, and they drove to the restaurant. The drive was about twenty-five minutes from the hotel. Jane tried to make small talk for a bit but gave up and they sat in awkward silence.
Once they arrived, Sarah walked her in, and since she had called ahead, it was not a long wait before they were seated.
Waiting until after they had ordered, Sarah said, “so, here we are. Mother and daughter at last. I am still a bit shocked to hear from you. Though maybe I am a bit more shocked that you and Dad are divorced. I never thought you would stand up for yourself. What was the final straw for you? It sure was not me,” Jane heard the bitterness in her voice.
Jane took a moment to reply, “It was a lot of things, and don’t discount how much losing you played into it. When your dad disowned you, that was the first time I let him know I disagreed with him. I just was not strong enough yet to really stand up to him. But I started doing some reading when he was not home. It was not easy to keep him from seeing what I was reading. He could access my phone, and the computer at home was set up to track all websites I might get on.
“I got a library card and, when I would go shopping, I would read newspapers that were not allowed in our house. Sometimes, I would take out a book. Lord, I was terrified he would find them, but I stored them in your old room. He never went in there.”
Sarah frowned, “I suppose that should not shock me. So, what were you reading about?”
Jane answered, “Initially, I just started catching up on what was going on in the world. Your dad was always conservative, but he and the church seemed to be going down a dangerous path. Conservative used to mean America, apple pie, my country right or wrong, and all of that. I saw things that disturbed me. There appeared to be less and less tolerance for other people, especially people of color, and other religions. And, of course, people like yourself were never welcome there. I got to thinking we were pushing people away. But your dad never saw it that way.”
Sarah said, “I wish I could say I was surprised. I am a bit surprised though that you broke free; that’s not easy to do.”
Jane took a moment, “As I said, I was upset about you, and I began to realize that I was not allowed to have my own opinions. The more I started to accept that I did not have to agree with your dad, the more I did not agree with him.” She took a moment, and then went on, “That started the verbal abuse, and reminding me that he was the man of the house. Then after he told the pastor about it, I started to become the subject of his sermons. Basically, I was being ostracized, and when I couldn’t take it anymore, I left. Lived in a cheap motel for six months, skimping on everything. I had no access to any of our money, no credit cards. But I still had my job at the thrift store, and I made sure to get my pay deposited into my own account, which was enough for the motel.”
Sarah said, “Grandma and Grandpa wouldn’t help you out?”
Jane looked away, tears in her eyes, “No, they sided against me, as did my sisters, and my aunts and uncles. I’ve lost them all. Said I had shamed them. They rejected me outright.”
Sarah looked shocked, and then said bitterly, “So they treated you like you and Dad treated me. Is that what made you decide to reach out to me?”
Jane looked ashamed, “No, though it made me understand exactly what I had allowed to be done to you. What I did to you. But I was already planning to try to find you. I just wanted to be done with the divorce first.”
Sarah, still angrily, said, “So you have lost everyone, and almost everything, so you come looking for me because you are lonely? Or is it money you need? What are you doing here?”
Jane said, “I’m here because I messed up. Because I want to make it right. Because I have always loved you. Even though I did not understand why you needed to do this, once I left your Dad I started to research it.” She paused, and through her tears she said, “I still have a long way to go, but I want to make it right. I just want to make it right.”
“How? How do you think you can make ten years right; do you have any idea what I went through after that night? I ran out of the house with practically nothing. I was on the streets for a couple of months, until I met someone who got me into a program. She saved my life. It took me four years of therapy to put it all in my past. I got lucky, she got me a job, and I learned how to help others. Now I counsel other kids just like I was, and I do my best to get them help.”
Jane said, “I am so, so sorry. I am not here to hurt you; if that is what I am doing, I will go. I can call a ride service. Thank you for dinner.”
She got up to leave, and Sarah said, “And just like that you are going to run out again?”
Jane stopped short, “No, I just don’t want to hurt you again.”
Sarah said, “Then stay, don’t run away. We are going to have to confront this, but I think we are going to need some professional help. You willing to do some mother and daughter therapy?”
Jane said emphatically, “Yes!”
Sarah sighed, “Okay then. Are you going to be able to stay here? Or do you have to get back to your job?”
“I quit; that is no longer home. I have enough from the divorce proceedings to last for a little while, while I look for work here.”
Sarah replied, “That I may be able to help you with. You were always good with the kids at Sunday school. Would you be open to helping in our outreach program? Lots of kids, different backgrounds, we can always use some help.”
Jane said, “Yes! I would love that.”
…
It had been almost six months since she and Sarah had that dinner.
She and Sarah had started therapy soon after their first meeting and, slowly, Sarah began to trust her.
Sarah had just let out that she was married, and that she had a four-year-old daughter.
Jane was floored, “What?” She started to cry when she realized that she had missed out on her daughter’s wedding, and the birth of her granddaughter.
When Jane was able to control herself, she asked, “Tell me! Please tell me about your family!”
Sarah was hesitant, but she opened up to talk about the love of her life.
“I met Abigail early in my transition. We fell in love almost immediately. Abigail only knew me as Sarah, but she knew I am transgender. Amazingly, she still fell in love with me.”
Jane grabbed her hand and said, “I think I love her already.”
Sarah smiled, “When we decided, we were going to get married, Abigail had only one requirement. She wanted to be a mom, and she wanted it to be our baby. So, I stopped my hormone treatments, and we arranged to preserve my sperm. We also kept trying the traditional way. We got lucky, and Abigail got pregnant. I resumed my transition. Heather, was born, a beautiful healthy little girl.”
Jane asked, “Can I meet them?”
Sarah said, “Give me a little more time. I’m not quite ready yet.”
…
It took two more months before Sarah was comfortable introducing her wife and daughter to her. Sarah invited her to her home, for the first time. Abigail answered the door, and said, “Hello, you must be Jane. Sarah is upstairs getting Heather ready.”
Jane handed Abigail a gift-wrapped box, and said, “Think of it as a belated wedding present. I wish I had been there for you both.”
Abigail accepted it, and said, “Thank you. I will wait till Sarah is here to open it if you don’t mind.”
Jane said, “Not at all.”
Sarah came down the stairs, her daughter Heather, in her arms. “Heather, I’d like you to meet your grandmother. Can you say, ‘Hello, welcome to our home, Grandma?’”
She put Heather down, and she walked over to Jane, “Hello, welcome to our home, Grandma.”
Jane knelt and said, “Thank you Heather, it is a great pleasure to finally meet you.”
Abigail, said, “Why don’t we go into the living room. Sarah, this is from your mom, you should open it.”
Sarah looked questionably at it and said “Okay.”
Unwrapping the gift, there was an old crystal bowl, along with several glasses and a ladle. Sarah asked, “Is that… “
Jane said, “yes, it was my Grandma Rose’s set. I know you always loved it, you used to stare at it for hours whenever I brought it out. I hope it’s okay?”
Sarah choked up a bit, “Yeah, it’s very okay. Thank you.”
They had a nice evening together, catching up on all that Jane had missed over the years.
When she got ready to leave, she asked Sarah if it was okay to give her a hug, and Sarah said, “As you wish…”
The End
Copyright © 2024. All Rights Reserved!
All my under wires keep poking thru
and it seems true no matter the style I buy.
Each time I get poked I cuss out loud.
Every time I turn I want to go back home.
I myself have tried all kinds of bras and
I have seen the same regardless of the brand
I just want to find some comfortable support,
but all my bras are ruined within a night or two.
And all my under wires keep poking thru.
And I think I know what Mama meant when she said bras are a pain
I have to play with the straps to get it on straight,
I'll lean forward to fill the cups, I fill them more and more these day,
But all my bras are ruined within a night or two,
and all my under wires keep poking thru.
And the poke marks hurt more then they used to,
and soft cups with lace took the place of push ups and cleavage,
And it seems like nothing works quite like it used to do
And all my bras are ruined within a night or two,
and all my under wires keep poking thru.
And I think I know what my Mama meant when she said bras are a pain
and the straps are thicker now then when I was 16
And sexy is a thing from days gone by
But all my bras are ruined within a night or two,
and all my under wires keep poking thru
Yeah all my under wires just keep on poking thru.
To the music of
All my rowdy friends have settled down
Hank Williams Jr
"Look, you. These," as she points to her chest, "are not a political statement, or an economic statement or even just a sexual statement, the fantasies of men notwithstanding. What they are is a pain, quite literally. So explain to me why you would want a pair of your own?"
Steve looked at his sister, and said, "I'd like to try. Can you take a deep breath and come sit down over here, and listen to me?"
Cheryl frowned, but allowed Steve to guide her to the overstuffed love seat in his living room. Once she was settled, Steve sat on the edge of the matching recliner next to her.
"Cheryl, ever since I was a very little ... boy ... I knew that I was different. Surely, my big sister can't have been completely oblivious to it?"
"Well, no I have to admit that... " then she smiled, and said, "And don't call me Shirley."
Steve feeling a little bit more confident over the shared chuckle, said "I've never really fit in with the boys, Cheryl. I was always more comfortable around you and your friends. When you would allow me to be a part of your group, it was wonderful. Sometimes it felt like you all even forgot I was a boy, and that was even nicer."
Cheryl nodded as she recalled some of the conversations she had, had privately with some of her friends about her younger brother.
"I've tried being a man, Cheryl. I can fake it fairly well. Heck I lettered in baseball and hockey in high school, but you know girls play sports too. And I never really connected with my peers from the teams. Oh sure, if I made a good play, or we won, we all got into that, but as far as being friends... Not so much."
"Okay, I get that Steve, really I do.... but you are talking about making drastic changes to your body. Why? You can be yourself without that."
"Cheryl, you said your breasts are a pain, literaly. Why don't you have them removed?"
"Because they are part of me. It would be disfiguring and self destructive."
"Fair enough, but lets say you could wish them away, or have them just shrink without surgery. Just have your body be without them, would you?"
Cheryl thought about that, "Maybe... I've certainly thought about it."
"Do you remember when you were a little girl, and hadn't started developing yet? Some of your friends had, but you hadn't. Do you remember how you felt then? I do, because I remember you looking in the mirror every day, and I remember you crying and going to Mom asking when they were going to grow. Do you remember that, feeling? As much as you were crying, I was too, because I knew that you would eventually grow, but that I was never going to, and I suffered in silence. Except I would go cry in my room where noone could see."
Cheryl thought back to those days, and remembered how much she had hurt, how she wished for the "titty fairie" to come and pay her a visit. And she looked over at Steve and saw the little girl wanting to grow up, wanting to be complete, and yet knowing it would never be.
She wiped the tears from her eyes.
"Oh... Steve... I'm sorry, I didn't know. That must have been... "
"Cheryl, please, I never blamed you. I admit I was often jealous of you, but you were my big sister, I was always so proud of you. I wanted to be just like you. But mostly I wanted to be your little sister, and I wanted you to accept me as your little sister."
"Why didn't you ever talk to me? All those late night bull sessions when we were in high school, and the late night calls when we were in college? Heck you know it was almost like having a sister, I just didn't realize it."
"I was trying to be what everyone expected me to be. I tried, Cheryl, really I did. But I can't do it anymore."
Cheryl paused, and thought about her brother and his plans. She had known that something was bothering him, when she was asked to come over today. But she had never expected his revelation that he was beginning the journey towards gender re-assingment surgery.
The thought of him, having that surgery, still made her cringe.
"But, Steve... that surgery, how could you have that done to you? Cutting off a body part... just seems so drastic."
"Cheryl, if I had been born with an disformity, and they could surgically remove it, would that be wrong?"
"No, I suppose not."
"That's how I look at this. It's wrong on my body, it doesn't belong there any more then it belongs on yours."
"But..."
"No seriously, Cheryl, if you woke up tomorrow, and a penis started to grow on you, but they could remove it would you? You know you would. This is not any different."
"I don't know."
"Look Cheryl, I know that this was alot to throw at you today. But I love you, and I really do hope that you can learn to accept me as I move towards this, because I need to do this."
Cheryl sat silently for a few minutes. She looked at her brother, and sighed. "Steve, I love you too, and I can't guarantee that I will always understand, but you have my love, no matter what. If this is what you need to do, then..."
Another deep sigh, a slight smile, and "I guess I need to tell my brother, Steve goodbye, and then... Surely, I think it may be high time I meet my little sister."
Steve smiled, and said, "Goodbye, Sis. And don't call me Shirley."
Copyright (c) 2012. All Rights Reserved.
Author's Note: Written in response to a challenge posted by Dorothy Colleen. Thanks for the idea... It feels good to actually write something, been way too long.
by Kristine V. Read
New Year’s Eve
Mark looked at the bottles of pills on his kitchen table, sitting next to a photo of his wife and daughter from a long-ago vacation at a lakeside cabin. Further to his right was a new compass and the note from Theresa that came with it on Christmas, just a few days ago.
There were some powerful painkillers, along with some sleeping pills, and a large, just opened, bottle of Jack Daniels.
He poured himself a drink.
Dumping the pills out onto the table, he started pushing them around.
He picked up the photo and stared at Theresa. “Why did you have to go?” He took a long drink and poured himself another glass.
“God damn cancer,” he shouted as he downed the next glass.
Eyeing the pills, he poured another drink.
He read the note out loud “My dear, dear Mark. I know if you are reading this, then I have gone. I know you, my dear, and you are going to have a rough road ahead. This compass will help to remind you to follow your road. It is time. Know that I will always be with you in your heart. Love you dearest. Theresa”
He picked up the compass and told it, “Point me back to her! I don’t want any other road!” He stared at it as the arrow pointed towards the photo. Looking at the image, he saw his daughter Lucy in the photo. She was probably thirteen or fourteen in this picture. Today she was a full-grown woman, with a husband and two children.
Lucy was also grieving for her mother.
He shook off that thought and grabbed a handful of pills.
The photo of Lucy stared back at him, and he thought to himself, who would find him? Lucy of course, who else? What would she think of him for choosing to leave them all?
“But I’m hurting so much.”
He downed another glass. And looked again at the compass.
A woman’s voice in his head, said, “Mark… no! You have spent a lifetime putting your family first, is this how you’re going to end your life? Selfishly? Will that honor Theresa? Can you really do that to Lucy, and your family?”
“But it hurts!”
“Yes, it hurts. It will for quite a while. But that doesn’t mean that there is nothing to live for. You know there is. Not only for Lucy and the kids, but for you. It’s time for you to follow your own road. Find your joy!”
Joy?! How? Where?
“Yes, joy. You just need to resolve to go find it. New Year’s Eve is the night for new resolutions.”
Somewhere deep inside, Mark grabbed for life, and he swore his New Year’s Resolution, “I will find my joy.”
He put down his glass and fell asleep, with tears dripping on the table, thinking, “Joy.”
…
Mark woke up, having slept the night through with his head on the table. He had cramps in his legs and his headache reminded him that he had just a bit too much Jack Daniels the night before.
He saw the pile of pills, some of them still held in his clenched hand, and blanched. Was I really going to take those pills?
He separated the pills and put them into their containers, and he placed the bottles in a bag to take to the local prescription pill drop off.
Twisting the cap back on to the Jack Daniels bottle, he put it away, way in the back of his liquor cabinet.
The photo and his new compass he placed on the mantle in the living room as a constant reminder.
Remembering his New Year’s resolution, and his promise to “The Voice” that he would find his joy; he took out his phone and called a friend that had recommended a therapist to help him to handle his grief. She agreed to reach out to her contact to see if she could use a bit of influence to get him an appointment sooner rather than later.
…
When Mark entered Dr. Schaefer’s office, she directed him to sit in the cushioned chair, opposite the one she sat in. He looked around, and saw that it was a bright room, with bookshelves that contained a mix of books, plants, and some small statues or figurines. There were large windows on two of the walls, which helped bring in plenty of sunlight. It was a comfortable room.
They exchanged pleasantries, and Dr. Schaefer expressed her condolences for Mark’s loss.
Soon, they were delving into what brought Mark into her office.
“These past few months with her gone have been so very hard. Especially with the holidays. She loved them all. Going to my daughter’s house to celebrate without her has been … difficult. Every little thing reminds me that she is gone, and how much I miss her. Then there are the big things, like Lucy setting a place in her honor at the dinner table. At Christmas, there were presents she had prepared before she got too sick, knowing she would not be there to give them herself.”
Mark took a deep breath, “New Year’s Eve, I got really depressed. I was home alone, and I’m afraid I got more than a little drunk. I rarely drink at all, but that night I did. I gathered a bunch of her meds, painkillers, and some sedatives. I was seriously thinking about taking them.”
“What made you stop?”
“I was staring at a picture of Theresa, my daughter Lucy, and I from when she was young. I then focused on Lucy and got to thinking about her finding me. I also saw the compass that Theresa had given me for Christmas, along with a note telling me that it would guide me to my own road.”
He took another pause, and a deep breath and added, “Then I heard a woman’s voice in my head, telling me off for being selfish. She told me I had things to live for, Lucy and my grandkids. That I also had enough reason of my own to live, and that it was time to find my own road, to find my joy.
“Theresa’s voice?”
“No.”
“Lucy’s voice? Whose voice was it that you were hearing?”
“No, not Lucy, not Theresa… It was my own voice.”
…
The next day, Mark woke up thinking about the rest of the session. He had told Dr. Schaefer that he had always had a strong feminine side to him. That he had occasionally cross-dressed over the years when he just had to have some time to express himself.
Theresa knew about it, and she was mostly okay with it, if it was occasional. They had both decided that Lucy did not need to know about it.
He told her about the day that Lucy helped him with clearing out Theresa’s things to send off to charity. She had come across some things that were clearly too large for Theresa to have ever worn. He had told her that Theresa had found them for a friend and was holding them until she saw her again.
In fact, they were his.
The session had ended shortly after that, and they arranged to continue his sessions.
He had an awful lot to think about.
…
Over the next few sessions, they explored Mark’s feelings about this part of his personality. They focused on the way that his internal voice had told him that he had always put his family first, and it was time for him to put himself first and find his joy.
They did not forget that Mark had come to see her because of his unresolved grief over the loss of his wife Theresa. Some visits focused exclusively on this, and she strongly recommended he attend a group dedicated to those that had lost a spouse, which he did.
She encouraged Mark to allow himself the freedom to explore his gender identity. He found it awkward because he had very little experience. He had just a few things and had rarely used them. Theresa had done her best to understand, and she tried to help him, but he had always felt ashamed, hated the way he looked, and did not want her to see him.
He cringed when he saw himself in the mirror. He wasn’t as hairy as he used to be, but he still had quite a bit on his arms and his chest, even if it was predominantly grey now. He knew he could shave but was afraid that Lucy would notice. He was not ready to have that discussion with her.
He wasn’t sure he was ready to have that discussion with himself!
Yet, he found himself spending more of his time at home, en femme. He told Dr. Schaefer that even though he was terrified that Lucy would stop by unexpectedly at some point, he just found he was much more comfortable, and he kind of dreaded getting changed when he had to go out or when he was expecting company.
She encouraged him to come to his next visit dressed. She told him he could use her office bathroom to change, before and after, if he was not ready to drive there. On his next visit he did. They did not focus on how he was dressed, Dr. Schaefer just continued to treat him as she always did, other than complimenting him on his outfit when he came in.
At one of their sessions, after expressing his fear of Lucy walking in on him, Dr. Schaefer said, “Perhaps, it is time for you to tell her what you are going through.”
He admitted that he had been thinking about it and said that she was always asking about his sessions with Dr. Schaefer. He had told her about the work they had been doing to help him handle his grief, but he had not shared any of this part of his life with her.
Mark told her, “I’m not sure what I would tell her. What am I? Where do I fit? Who am I? I am her father, I was Theresa’s husband, my parent’s son and so on. I have fifty odd years of that life, can I really let that slip away? I am proud of my past life.”
She told him “There is nothing wrong with that, but that does not mean that you can’t explore what your new life should be. Maybe this is just a small part of who you are, and that is enough. But living in fear of your daughter finding out is not healthy. Maybe it’s more than that. That’s what you are trying to figure out right now.”
He agreed to think about it.
…
A few weeks later, he had a close call. He had spent most of the morning running errands. Arriving home, he was just heading up the stairs to his bedroom to change, when Lucy came in the front door, and called out, “Hey Dad, you home?”
Startled, he almost stumbled down the stairs. Realizing how close he had been to being caught, he was shaken. Ten or fifteen minutes later, and the conversation they would have had would have been very different.
She saw him jump, and said, “Oh, Dad, I didn’t mean to startle you!”
He told her he had just gotten home and was not expecting to see her. Then he asked her if everything was okay.
“Yeah, everything is fine, Mike and I have been invited to a charity dance this weekend. I was wondering if you would let me borrow Mom’s garnet necklace and earring set.”
Mark told her of course that was okay, and that she should keep them. He was pretty sure her mom had intended for that set to go to her, since garnets were both of their birthstones. He just had not gone through all her jewelry to see what was supposed to go where.
After speaking with Dr. Schaefer, he asked Lucy to join him at their next session.
…
To say that the meeting with Lucy at Dr. Shaefer’s office did not go well would be a bit of an understatement.
Lucy was caught off guard and was immediately upset for her mother having had to deal with this in silence throughout their marriage. She was even more upset at the thought that her father might be trying to replace her mother.
Then she was mad at both her father and her mother for “lying” to her for her whole life.
Mark had assured her that he had no intention of trying to replace her mother in her life. That he had always been her father and had always done his best to be the best father he could be.
She demanded to know what Mark planned on doing, and why he had felt the need to finally share this part of himself with her?
He told her he was not sure where this was going to lead, but that it was something that he had to explore. That Theresa, in her last Christmas wish for him, had as much as told him to follow his road to where it led. That he was trying to honor that wish, both for her, but also for himself.
Dr. Schaefer asked Lucy to ask herself if it was simply because it was her father that she was upset, or if it was the idea of transgender people in general that she found objectionable. Lucy was not sure; she had never known a transgender person before. Her only exposure had been celebrities that had made the news. She was ambivalent about the lives of celebrities; they had nothing to do with her. She had said, “This is different. It has a direct effect on my relationship with my father, and with his relationship with my children. I can’t be ambivalent about that!”
At the end of the session, she agreed to give it some thought, and Mark had agreed to give her some space to do so.
…
It was New Year’s Eve, a year after Mark had initially made his resolution to find his joy.
Mark had the same bottle of Jack Daniels, the photograph of Theresa and Lucy at the lake, his compass, and the note.
He poured himself a glass.
He looked at the photograph, at Theresa, and at Lucy. “Have I lost her too? I have not heard from her in the past two months since we met with Dr. Schaefer.”
His thoughts floated back to last year, as he sank into the depression that was amplified by too much alcohol. The pain that had surfaced then threatened to rise again, amplified this time by the potential loss of his daughter and her family.
He picked up the glass and looked toward the compass.
The woman’s voice in his head came back, “No. You have made a lot of progress this year. You have to give Lucy a chance, you know she loves you. Don’t give up on her. Don’t give up on us!”
He took a deep breath, dumped the glass into the kitchen sink, and renewed his resolution to follow his road, to find his joy.
…
In January, he sent Lucy a card on her birthday. He was surprised when he got a call from her.
She thanked him for the card, and for the annual birthday check. He told her she was welcome, and then waited through the awkward pause, giving her a chance to make the next move.
Finally, she said, “Dad, I’m still not sure about all of this, but I think I need to see you. Can I come over tomorrow while the kids are in school? I need to meet you as this woman you may be becoming.”
They arranged for her to come for lunch the next day. Mark worked hard to do his best to look presentable. He hesitated, but decided if he was going to do this, he needed to do it right. In addition to a very close shave, he shaved his arms, his legs, and his chest. He had been working on makeup techniques. Dr. Schaefer had recommended a shop that was friendly to transgender people, and they had helped him learn what worked well for him, and he had been practicing.
He set up the fixings for sandwiches, with a couple of choices of salads, and set out a pitcher of iced tea.
Lucy arrived on time, and Mark welcomed her in. She hesitated, took a breath, and reached out to give him a hug.
They sat together at the table in the kitchen nook, and after making themselves plates, they talked about the kids, and everything but Mark’s transition. As lunch went on the tension that had started out in the room melted away. Mark was laughing with her over one of her tales of the latest antics of the kids.
Lucy then said, “Dad… I’m sorry, I’ve been distant. This has been quite a shock for me. I’m glad I came today. Yes, seeing you this way is a bit weird, but this has been good. You are still you. Just in a different package. And I can see that it has been good for you, you are not depressed the way you were for months after mom’s passing. I… I love you, and I really do want you to be happy, and here with us for a long time. I can’t promise that I will always be perfect, but I really do want to try to understand.”
Mark choked up, and said, “Thank you, Lucy. You and the kids mean so much to me. I admit I am happier than I have been in a long time. I still miss your mom dearly, and always will. I would give everything up to have her back here with me, but she basically wanted me to move on. I’m trying to honor that.”
Crying, they both hugged each other for a long time.
…
With Lucy’s support, Mark began to transition in earnest. Lucy had spoken to her husband and her kids. Being kids, they had no issues with grandpa’s changes, since their mom did not make a big deal of it. During their time apart, Lucy had researched everything she could, to try to understand. Some of it scared her to death, but when reading it in whole, she realized that the things she read that scared her were written by people that were clearly playing on her fears. The “evidence” they had was flimsy at best, while the major medical organizations all backed treating transgender people as they viewed themselves.
Shortly after her birthday lunch, Lucy said, “I can’t keep calling you dad when you are presenting this way, and the kids are finding calling you grandpa awkward, we need to find you a new name.”
In honor of his New Year’s resolution, they settled on Joyce, or Joy for short, and for the kids they settled on Nana.
Figuring out what Lucy should call him was a bit more of a challenge. Theresa was her mother, and she had always called her mom. They talked about Aunt Joyce, but Lucy was adamantly against that. “You are not my aunt you are my parent.”
After much back and forth, they settled on Mama.
…
After this, Lucy began coming around at least a couple of days a week for lunch. Some days they just stayed home. Eventually, they got the courage to venture out of the house together, maybe some window shopping, and occasionally even having lunch at a restaurant.
The first time they did that, Mark was extremely nervous, but as he gained more confidence, he had less trouble. He did not stop being aware of his surroundings, but it became less about being a transgender woman out and about, and more just being a couple of women out and about.
Around July, they were sitting in his kitchen and Lucy brought up something that had been on her mind, “You know Mama, you keep telling me that you don’t know where you fit in under the transgender umbrella. I won’t pretend to know better than you, but from my perspective, you seem much happier when you are able to be Joyce, than when, for whatever reason, you must be Mark. Whenever I have been with you and you were Mark, I can’t think of a time when you did not rush to become Joyce as soon as you could. I have never seen you rush to be Mark, when you were Joyce, in fact it seems to be something you dread.”
This thought stuck with him, and he discussed it at his next session with Dr. Schaefer. He said, “I really am struggling with letting go of being Mark. I was a father, a husband, a son, and I am proud of those parts of my life. How can I let that go? Yet, Lucy is right, when I’m Mark, I can’t wait until I’m Joyce, but I never think about how much I want to be Mark when I’m Joyce? I’ve been living almost full time as Joyce for months now, will I ever get tired of being Joyce?”
Dr. Schaefer told him that it was a good question, and one that he should think about further.
…
By September, he was thinking about this whenever he was alone. Yes, he was proud of those roles, he had always tried very hard all these years to be the person that his family needed him to be.
If he really was honest with himself though, he had memories of his time with his daughter, when he was being motherly - not her mother, that was always Theresa - but where his feminine side kicked in and took charge. He had also tried to be a good wife, again reacting in ways that Theresa recognized as being this part of him. She loved that he had this side to him; she felt it made him a better partner. Maybe his mom and dad had never realized it, but he had always been as much their daughter as he was their son.
He found it a bit unsettling, but he could not shake this thought.
…
He and Lucy were talking further about it, a few weeks later.
She told him, “Mama, I never saw it when I was a kid, but knowing what I do now, and thinking about my friend’s dads, I can absolutely see that you always were a bit different. I couldn’t have put a name to it then, but I loved it, and my friends were jealous, they all thought you were wonderful. Not that they did not love their dads, they did, but there was something they all liked about you.”
While having that discussion it finally hit him that, in fact, he had lived his life as Mark for many years, but that under it all, he had always been Joyce as well.
With that thought, SHE realized that Mark had been her protective shell. That he was no longer protecting her, but now he was stifling her ability to be truly happy.
…
It was New Year’s Eve. Two years from the fateful night when she had set out a bottle, and a bunch of pills, and contemplated ending her life.
Joyce sat at her kitchen table. Lucy and her husband sat across from her, the kids sleeping in one of the guest bedrooms. On the table in front of them was the remainder of the bottle of Jack Daniels, the family photo, the compass, and a laptop computer.
Joyce picked up the photo, “Theresa, I miss you so very much. Last year at this time, I wasn’t quite ready yet. I was missing you, and missing Lucy.” Lucy reached out and lightly touched her hand, “Now, with Lucy and Mike and the kids’ support, I’m finally ready.”
She picked up the bottle and poured a glass for each of them. “To my wonderful wife, Theresa, always!”
They clinked glasses and took a sip.
Joyce continued, “Thank you, Theresa, for providing the guidance to find the path to my road. For giving me the spark and your tacit permission to find happiness. To Mark, thank you for caring for me, for protecting me, for giving me the ability to be Lucy’s parent and Theresa’s spouse. It is time, I can let you go.”
Lucy then took up the next toast, “To my father, Mark, for putting his family first, for being there for me and mom, always. Now it is time to say goodbye to my father, and hello to my Mama Joy. I am so glad to have found you at last. Welcome home, Mama.”
They clinked their glasses again, drinking what remained, and Joyce hit send on her social media post announcing her transition to the rest of her family and friends.
Happy New Year!
Copyright (c) 2023. All Rights Reserved!
It had been 30 years since she had been home. A lot of life had happened in the interim. A marriage – children – grandchildren. These were the most important to her. When she left the small southern town, she knew it was to a new life. A life she could not have had here.
It had taken years for her parents to come around; grandchildren had that effect. But they had insisted they visit at her home, they did not want to deal with the controversy her return would have generated.
It hurt that they were ashamed of her, or at least not able to be proud of her accomplishments.
But, they did try, and they dearly loved their grandchildren. They were both gone now, with her Mom passing a few months ago. Mom had lived long enough to hold her great granddaughter in her arms. The picture of her smile, holding the child that bore her name, a cherished family portrait.
She had been pleasantly surprised when she found her mother had left her most prized possession – a beautiful turquoise set, which included a necklace, earrings, bracelet, broach and ring. That had been a gift from her Mom’s grandfather, to her grandmother. It had passed down first to her Mom’s mother, and then to her mother. She had expected her Mom to leave it to her granddaughter, or to one of her cousins.
But it had been explicitly left to “my beautiful daughter, Helen.” She had cried for hours when she had been informed of this.
Tomorrow was her 35th high school reunion. She had not attended any of the previous reunions, and had not kept in touch with anyone from her class. The invitation had been a bit of a surprise. It had been addressed simply to H. Baker. She did not know where the committee had found her correct address.
It took some soul searching to decide to attend. She had promised her parents years ago to stay away from the town. She talked it over with her family and they all told her it was time. Her parents were gone and the promise was no longer needed.
So here she was, in a hotel room, in the town she had grown up in. When she was known as Henry Baker. Henry Baker who had lettered in baseball, had been in the honor society, and had been the class treasurer.
Henry Baker who went off to college, graduating with a degree in Computer Science. Who came back from school, and left within a year, to never return.
She looked to the sleeping form lying next to her, feeling lucky to have found the love of her life. As nervous as she was about the reunion the next day, she held onto the simple fact that nothing could ever shake their love.
They had met in college, so many years ago. They hit it off quickly; and were soon inseparable. Although she was still Henry at the time, she did not mislead her new love. She knew where her future was, though it had to wait until after graduation. She knew that someday, she would transition to Helen.
Gillian was a bit taken back when she first learned that the person she was falling for would eventually be a woman. But she did not run away. Nor did she fall in the trap of thinking she could change her and persuade her to continue to live as Henry.
Instead, after some thought she had decided to see where things went. Either they would end up as best friends, or possibly they would be more. To her never-ending surprise, Gillian had eventually determined that she was just as physically attracted to her as Helen as she had been to Henry.
She chuckled slightly as she remembered the day that Gillian had realized her world view had opened up. They had been walking in a mall and she gasped. Helen was concerned and had asked if she was alright. Gillian had just laughed and told her that she had just realized she had been looking at an attractive woman, and that her first thought was erotic in nature, not her normal thought process about another woman. It had been completely unexpected, but she said that it answered the question about her interest in Helen. She had never wavered since.
She had only one request. Before Helen began her transition, she wanted Henry to bank his sperm. She wanted to be a mother. They married soon after Helen left home. Henry made several deposits to a sperm bank, as well as attempting the more traditional approach. Once Gillian tested positive for pregnancy, Helen began the process of transition.
Timing had been with her as she went thru the process in the relatively short years before the backlash time in 2017. The company that Helen worked for after graduating, was a big company and their insurance plan covered her transition.
The subsequent years were difficult, and were quite a scary time for their family, an out transgender woman, with a wife and family. The backlash of 2017 and 2018 were a time when bigotry and violence was on the rise. She worried, not only for herself, but for Gillian and their new child.
Oddly enough, though she was never quite sure about this, between the birth of their daughter, and everything going on in the country at the time, it brought her parents around to accept her, or at least to want to be in their lives. They saw the hate behind the politics, and they worried about her and her family, and they rejected that, at least enough to come visit, and to shower love on their granddaughter.
Helen did not like to think about those years, too many people died needlessly. Thru the practically blatant government sponsored bigotry, and the cuts to needed services, the death toll was high. The whole world, not just the US, was undergoing a xenophobic period, and was at risk of a new dark age. Science and education were being vilified. She shuttered as she thought how close things had come to becoming one of the dystopian worlds from the speculative fictions of her youth. Exactly how it was avoided is a topic still being debated by historians to date.
The 2018 elections were key, had they gone the other way, it was entirely possible that there would not have been elections in 2020.
Shortly before the election, two key events happened. The first was the murder of a highly visible and beloved transgender celebrity, by a man that had no history of known bigotry, but claimed to do it because transgender advocacy was now anti-American. His rantings were covered heavily on TV, and even the most anti-LGBT congressmen were hard pressed to not condemn him.
The second, and probably even more important event was the discovery of a plot to kill several key justices on the Supreme Court. This fortunately failed, but there was enough evidence that it appeared to be a conspiracy, and the general sentiment believed that it quite possibly went to the highest level of government. There wasn’t enough time for a full investigation, but this October surprise clearly had a big bearing on turnout, and the election. The resistance was galvanized and 2018 was an electoral rout. The tide was turned and the dangerous flirtation with theocracy was averted. A coalition in Congress turned the country back towards the center, avoiding the temptation (for once) to push back too far, too fast.
The country did at least for this generation, learn the risk, and education and science retook an honored role in society.
In any case, Helen had managed to live thru those few years, and now had a family, and her parents were back in her life. Soon after, Gillian gave birth to their second child, a boy.
Over the years, they would come to visit every Christmas, and at least one other time during the year. They would also host their grandchildren at the house for a week or two over the summer. She had worried about that the first couple of years, as she was concerned they would try to teach her children that she was a sinner, or might try to take them away from her somehow. But the children never acted any differently when they would come home, so she stopped worrying about it.
One time her daughter told her she had seen pictures of her as a boy, and that he’d been a handsome young man. But she said that she saw sadness in his eyes, in all those pictures, and that was gone. She had told her, I’m happy that you found your happy place, and gave her a big hug.
Time had passed, and now lying awake in the hotel room waiting for her big day, coming home, she couldn’t think of anything she could or would have done differently.
At long last the alarm went off, and it was time to get up. Gillian stirred and told her “Good morning,” and asked “Did you sleep at all last night?”
She told her that she had a little, but woke up a couple of hours ago. Gillian gave her a hug and told her not to worry it would be okay.
After breakfast, they stopped past her parent’s house. It was up for sale, as part of the estate, and they had arranged with the realtor to be let in to see it. It was still furnished, the job of packing up and sorting out her parent’s things was going to be handled by her son and daughter. As she walked in the front hallway she felt like she was walking back in time. The last time she had been there, she was Henry. At first, she thought that it had not changed at all.
But then she looked closely at the pictures on the walls and the side cabinets. Some she recognized. Pictures of her grandparents, and her parents. Pictures from her childhood. But in the place of honor she was shocked to see her wedding picture. She and Gillian holding each other, in their white gowns.
All around were pictures that been taken of her and her family, during the visits over the years. Not hidden in books where visitors would not notice, but right in the front hall. As she made her way thru the house in room after room, souvenirs of time spent with her children, as well as with Gillian and her were on display.
Far from the fear she had of going thru her boyhood home, she found she had truly come home. Gillian held her hand tightly as she let the positive energy of the house flow into her.
When they got to her room she still steeled herself for what they would find. Even with all of the positives so far, she expected it to be a shrine to her boyhood. But when she opened the door, the room had been painted pink. The bedspread was decidedly feminine. The only picture of her from her childhood was from the one Halloween she had been allowed to dress as a girl. It had been one of her friend’s idea, and she had gone with her two best friends, as Helen. Her Mom had suspected, but couldn’t make a big deal without causing a problem. So, Mom had gone along with it.
Her friends were clearly boys in a dress, but Helen looked like she had always belonged. It bothered her mother at the time. She told him that night that she had clearly enjoyed it too much, and it would not be repeated. The other pictures were of her post-transition, and of her daughter. Later her daughter confirmed this was the room she had always stayed in during her visits. Her son stayed in the guest bedroom down the hall. That is the room she found a few mementos, like her baseball trophies and her high school letter. It was not the shrine she had feared, simply an acknowledgement of her accomplishments. She found it touching, rather than the attack she had feared.
It was hard to leave the house, she held Gillian tightly, and cried, as if she had lost her parents again.
After a stop in town to have lunch, they returned to the hotel to get ready for the reunion dinner. As she dressed, she put on her Mom’s jewelry set. The gown was specifically purchased to show off the full set. Gillian offered to drive, knowing that she was all nerves.
The reunion was set to take place at the high school auditorium. As they pulled in the lot, they were surprised to find it packed, but they were still able to find a spot.
As they walked into the front doors of the school they were greeted by several current students, manning a sign-in desk. They were given their name badges, H. Baker, Class of 2010. G. Baker – Spouse.
Gillian took her arm and led her into the auditorium. As they entered a hush fell over the room. The room was set up for dinner. Tables around the auditorium, buffet tables along the sides of the room. At the front of the auditorium was the stage, which was set up for an awards presentation. There was a podium and a projection screen.
A banner above the screen read, “Welcome Home, Helen Baker!”
Helen almost turned around to run away. Gillian caught her and pulled her in, as the crowd shouted, “Welcome Home!”
She was led to a table at the front of the room, and to add to her shock, her son, his wife and granddaughter, and his daughter and her husband were waiting for them. As she was taking her seat, the projector was turned on and the introduction slide was displayed.
Shortly a man in a suit took to the podium, “Welcome everyone! Please take your seats.”
He continued, “Thank you, thank you --- It’s my honor to welcome you all to the 10th annual Helen Baker Scholarship Award Ceremony! And it is my special privilege to welcome my old friend, and tonight’s Guest of Honor, Helen Baker home after a very long absence. Helen, I know that we have all changed quite a bit over the 30 years since you were left our sleepy little town, and no-one nearly as much as you have! But I do hope you remember your old friend Kevin. I’m now the mayor of the town, but I remember the fun we had growing up together.”
Helen nodded, “Yes, Kevin, of course I remember.”
“Well, I’m sure you are a bit surprised by our little subterfuge. We promised your Mom that we would get you here for the first ceremony after she passed away. While technically this is not the official class of 2010 reunion, most of the class is here this year, so it might as well be! As you can see your parents established this scholarship 10 years ago. Your Mom always presented the award in the past, and began with a speech explaining the purpose for this scholarship, and what prompted them to endow it. As most of you know she is unable to attend this year, as she passed away earlier in the year.
She did, however, record a message for us to view tonight.
Please give your attention to the screen.”
On the screen, her mother showed, dressed to the nines, and of course wearing the same jewelry set that Helen was wearing now.
“Welcome – If you are watching this video, that means that I am unable to attend to present the award this year. I hope you all know that it has been an honor and a privilege for me to present this award each year, in honor of my beautiful daughter, Helen. While I am sad that I will no longer be able to be here among you in person, it brings me great pleasure to know that if this is being played, it means that my daughter Helen, has finally returned home. So please bear with me as this first message is for her.
Helen, many years ago, you left home. Your father and I did not understand, at that time. We knew you were going to get married, and that you were going to begin your transition. We were ignorant of the issues, and we said things we have long since regretted. We should have listened, we should have wanted to know what you were going thru, and we should have been there for you.
As a result, we missed your wedding to Gillian. We have seen the video, and it was OUR loss.
Gillian, our daughter was so very lucky to find you, and we have tried to tell you over the years how sorry we were that we missed that opportunity to welcome you into our family. The birth of our first grandchild gave us another chance, and this time we did not blow it… at least not completely.
You both graciously allowed us to come visit you, and to get to know our grandchildren. We did make one further mistake, and that was to get Helen to promise to stay away from our home town.
Oh – How we have regretted that promise over the years. We tried a number of times to broach the subject and to release Helen from her promise. But it was such a painful topic that we realized that Helen was not hearing what we were trying to say, but reliving the pain we had caused her. We never stopped trying to find a way to let her know, but we could not get thru the walls, we had caused her to erect. We know this was our fault, and we know that the pain we felt was our own doing. I’m sorry that we could not find a way, and our dearest hope is that Helen will forgive us for our trespasses.
What we really wanted to tell you, Helen, was that we were so very proud of you. We did research, we did learn, and I hope you will find tonight that we became strong advocates for the LGBTQ community, especially here in your home town. We did our very best to try and help other parents, to not make the mistakes we had made. I expect many of them are here tonight and will want to share their experiences with you later.
The scholarship we endowed in your honor is not exclusively for LGBTQ students. Though there have been several which have been recipients, that are in the community.
Instead it honors the student, or in some year’s students, that have overcome challenges to pursue their personal dreams.
A committee is empowered to accept nominations, and to judge their worthiness. In the past, the committee made its recommendations to your father and I, and we had the final say. Next year, you and Gillian will be the final judges, or if you choose to pass this by, it will move on to the next generation.
Welcome Home, Helen. I wish I could have said this to you in person. Please know, we loved you! Thank you for your love in return. We did not always deserve it. But we have tried to earn it.”
Helen, sat there in shock, tears running down her face. Gillian held her tight. Eventually she walked to the podium, not even hearing the applause.
Taking a deep breath, she began, “Thank you all. I’m not sure I have the words to tell you what this day has meant to me. I have so many things going thru my mind right now…
For many years, I thought my parents were ashamed of me. Today has been one of the most overwhelming days of my life. I wish I had been able to listen and hear that message while they were alive. I guess, I have much to learn myself, about listening.
You all may find it hard to believe, but I did and do love both my parents. It hurt when they asked me to stay away from here, I can’t deny that. But I loved watching how they were with my children, and when Mom got to meet her great granddaughter, shortly before she died, I knew it had made her so very happy. I forgave them years ago, and I knew they loved me, but I put a qualifier on that love in my mind and told myself, ‘in their way.’
I did not allow myself to open up and listen to them, and that was simply fear on my part. Fear of being hurt again. That is my loss, and today I feel like I lost my parents again.
The honor of having this scholarship named for me, means more to me than I can possibly express. I’m sorry to this year’s recipient for taking away from a night that should really be about them. I’m looking forward to hearing about your story, and will ask Kevin to come back up to the stage to carry on with the ceremony.
Thank you all.”
Helen went back to her seat. The rest of the evening went by in a blur. She was in awe of the young woman that won the scholarship this year. She’d been in a horrible accident when she was in middle school, and had been told she would probably never walk again. She’d worked hard, and not only was she walking, but she had just been accepted into a school for dance, her lifelong dream.
She’d spoken with families that her parents had helped, and she listened.
The next morning, she asked Gillian to stop by her parent’s graves, as she laid flowers at the headstones, she knelt and cried, and said, “Mom, Dad. I love you. I have always loved you. Thank you. I’m sorry we let so many years go by with this … pain … between us. I wish I could have listened and heard you. Thank you for trying. Thank you for the work you have done to help so many others. Thank you for the wonderful scholarship you have created in my name.
Kevin and I spoke last night and he reviewed the past recipients and it is such an honor to be associated with all of these people, and I’m so glad you were able to help them. Gillian and I spoke with so many of the families you have worked with in the area, and we all agreed the work needs to be continued. We are going to work to put together a formal support program here, and we are going to name it in your honor.
Your message will be shared by those you shared it with. Your legacy will continue. I love you.”
She sat there just thinking for a bit longer, and then she took Gillian’s hand, and walked out of the cemetery.
“Honey, I’m home.”
Copyright (c) 2017. All Rights Reserved.
December 24, 2023
Texas AG Threatens Seattle Hospital with Jail unless it Provides Trans Patient Data
South Carolina Bill Would Make Schools say “It is False” to Use Trans People’s Pronouns
Eric angrily read these headlines to his wife Emma, “My cousin Alice shared both of these articles and wrote, ‘Good for them!’ Several of our family have liked or commented on it in agreement.”
Eric was sitting next to his wife, Emma, in their living room. He wore a mini lightweight Ponte skater skirt with built in shorts, and a cashmere pullover sweater. Emma was much more casually dressed in some black leggings and a white tank top, with her favorite cardigan.
Eric was transgender; they had been married almost thirty years. At that time, the idea of coming out, and for them to get married as two women, was just too risky. Emma had known about Eric, and while it took time, they had worked out the rules of how their marriage would work before they wed.
Their son, Max, was grown and married with a family of his own. He had known about Eric since his mid-teens, but up until very recently, that was the totality of the people that knew Eric’s secret.
Emma replied, “They only know what they are hearing in the news. And there aren’t enough people out there setting the record straight.”
Eric took a deep breath and replied, “I just want to go up to the roof tops and shout out to the world, and especially our families, YOU KNOW AND LOVE SOMEONE THAT IS TRANSGENDER!”
---
February 2022
Emma said, “Eric, we need to get going. I’m sorry but you are going to have to get changed.”
Since he had begun working from home, he had spent most of his time as Donna. Eric sighed; it was becoming harder and harder to slip back into male mode when they had to leave the house. In the bedroom, he took off his bra and breast forms, and put them away.
---
Eric posted a couple of stories in support of transgender kids and their families on Facebook, and he was reading the positive comments posted by a friend who he had recently reconnected with after many years.
He thought about how to respond, and decided to send her a private message “Hey, Jeanette --- thanks for the nice comments on those posts. Fair warning, I’ve become a pretty vocal advocate over the past couple of years.”
A little while later he received a response, “There is no need to apologize for advocating for those who need all the support and love they can get!”
He typed his reply, “Oh, I don’t mean to sound like I’m apologizing … but some people don’t like to hear it on FB.”
He waited as he watched the blinking dots indicating that she was responding. Shortly, it came through, “For the record, Jennifer goes by River now, and uses they/them pronouns. So I’m part of the choir now.”
Eric read that and paused as he thought, “How do I respond to that?”
After a moment, he wrote back, “Oh! That’s fascinating… I did not know that. But will make note of it. How did you guys take this news?”
“We were fine with it. We stumble now and then, but they are our child.”
Eric and Jeanette continued to chat for a while before they had to say goodbye. He went and found Emma. “Hey, I just had a very interesting chat with Jeanette. Jennifer is now River and uses they/them pronouns.”
Emma replied, “Really, did you tell her about your being Donna?”
Eric said, “I would never do that without talking to you first, and I would want to do it face to face anyway. But I admit, I really thought about it. We have been very careful about keeping this as an internal family thing, and for good reason. I don’t ever want to put you or Max and his family at risk. If it got out publicly, it could cost us our jobs, our friends, and our family. At the same time, I think that our experience could help them as they try to support River. That would be much easier to do if I was not hiding who I am.”
Emma thought for a moment before responding, “Jeanette was the one person we felt that we could tell when Max was little, if he found out and needed to talk to someone besides ourselves. That was long before River realized this about themselves. I think the risk is very low at this point. I will support whatever you decide.”
They talked some more about it and ultimately decided that it was important to be as supportive as possible to their friends. Eric continued to text with Jeanette, and suggested that they should get together, to which she wholeheartedly agreed. They found a date a few weeks later to get together for dinner.
---
Jeanette said, “Emma, that was delicious. Thank you for dinner.” They all helped clear the table.
The dishwasher was loaded quickly, the leftovers put away, and Emma said, “I think we should wait a bit before we think about coffee and dessert,” which everyone quickly agreed to.
Eric said, “Let’s head into the living room, there is something we would like to talk to you about.”
As they walked into the living room, Eric took a moment to collect himself, then turning toward Jeanette, began, “Jeanette, I know that you know that I am pretty passionate about transgender issues.”
Jeanette nodded her head in agreement, while her husband Leo looked on with interest.
“I also told you that it was because people that I know and love are trans?” He paused for her to acknowledge that, and to gather up some courage. “Well… the first person that I ever knew that was trans was myself.”
Jeanette took his hand, walked over to the loveseat, and as she sat down, patted the seat next to her, and said, “come sit with me.”
Leo and Emma sat on the sofa across from them.
Eric said, “This was hard for me, but Emma and I talked about it, and we really felt that the best way we could be supportive of you both, and of River, was to be open with you about myself. You are really the first people we have shared this with, other than Max and his wife.”
The next couple of hours, Eric talked to them about his own journey, and how he had come to accept the part of him that he named Donna. He gave them permission to share his secret with River, as he wanted them to know they had a full ally with him.
…
The next day he messaged Jeanette, “Thank you so much for last night. Give River our love when you speak with them.”
It was not long before he received her response, “Thank you for having us over! I just did and told them about Donna. They are eager to talk to you!”
He typed his reply, “Thanks! It’s nice to finally be able to be open with you. I wish it was not necessary to be so careful, but I will always take the family’s security as top priority. I can only say, based on your ready affirmation last night, which was more than I could have dreamed of, it was all worthwhile.”
He watched the dots indicating that she was responding, and soon her response came thru, “The first words out of River’s mouth was ‘Good for them!’ and ‘What pronouns do they use?’”
He laughed and typed, “LOL - He and she; where and when appropriate. :)”
Over the next couple of months, Eric and Jeanette started communicating via messenger almost daily, usually while they were both making dinner. He and River had a very good video chat one night while he was dressed as Donna. The next day they scheduled with Jeanette to have a three-way video chat. Eric gave Jeannete the opportunity to decide how he should present himself for that call.
Her response to that was, “I will need to meet Donna at some point – the most important thing is your comfort.”
---
As they continued their private message conversations, sometimes now as video chats, Eric began to think that it would be very helpful if they could have a “girl’s night,” with Jeanette, Emma, and himself as Donna. He asked Emma what she thought about it.
She gave it some thought and said “A girl’s night with Jeanette sounds good to me. Do you think Leo would be put out?”
“I don’t know, but it won’t hurt me to ask her.”
The next time Eric chatted with Jeanette they talked about getting together, and he asked if Leo was having any concerns about their spending a lot of time chatting together. She told him that he was fine with it; he was glad that we were connecting. He brought up the idea of having her over for a “girl’s night.” They checked their calendars and set up a date for a few weeks later.
---
Their “Girl’s Night” was a complete success. Eric later thought back to it and basked in an evening of good food, and friendship. The thing that meant the most to him was that he had spent an entire evening as Donna and it was just accepted. It was not treated as a big deal. Jeanette had complimented him on his outfit, when she first got there, she used the right pronouns, and called him Donna.
They talked about movies, and fashion, and cooking, and so many things, and Eric was able to relax and say things that he would never have said to Jeanette as Eric.
Throughout the evening, he basked in the glow, and he felt something break inside of him. He would later describe it as the very sudden realization of just how much he, as Donna, had needed a girlfriend. It was in that moment that Eric realized that his closet door had just been cracked open, and he did not believe he could ever close it again.
Yes, Emma was always there for him, and she was his best friend, but she was also his wife, and lover, and there was so much more involved in their relationship. What he found in Jeanette was different, and it was mind expanding.
---
Eric found himself thinking about his life in his quiet moments, often lying in bed, while Emma lay sleeping next to him. He had made promises to Emma when they were young, and he had always intended to keep them. At the time, he had no intention or expectation that he would ever need to consider transitioning. For most of their lives, living with this secret was sufficient, if he had time to let “Donna” out. Now that he was in his early fifties, he was starting to look at his own mortality. He would never break his promise to Emma; he knew himself incapable of doing that. But he also knew that there were some aspects of his dysphoria that were getting stronger, and he had to find a way to deal with that.
One night at dinner, Emma was teasing Eric about his new girlfriend.
He replied, “Strictly lower-case g, my love. But it is nice to have someone to talk to and be able to let my hair down with so to speak.”
Emma smiled and replied, “You know I know that, but I have to tease. It was in our marriage contract.”
He smiled and said, “I know, it was in the small print. Seriously though, not to change the subject… much… I have something I need to talk to you about.”
Emma noting the change in the tone, said “I’m listening.”
He took a moment and said, “I’ve been struggling a lot lately with where I fit into the transgender spectrum. Getting together with Jeanette the other night was eye opening. I’m fifty-three years old, and there are times that I feel that life is getting away from me. I don’t want to be sixty and looking back with regrets. I have no idea where this will lead, but I really think I need to find a therapist to talk to about all of this. I love you.”
Emma took his hand and said, “I think that’s probably a very good idea. We will figure it out; we always have. I love you, too.”
…
Eric found a therapist that specialized in gender concerns. Early on they talked a lot about his journey to this point. He told her he was there to get help figuring out where he fit, and how to cope with these feelings. They talked about his life with Emma. He talked about his fear of looking back with regrets, and about the fears of putting his family at risk, both financially, and in more direct ways.
At first, he went to see her as Eric, but she eventually convinced him to come as Donna. He would change in the restroom, before going into her office.
Then he took a step further and drove to her office as Donna. He had to sneak out of his house to avoid being seen by the neighbors. The whole forty-five-minute trip to her office, he was terrified of being pulled over. Yet, he made it.
Emma came with him one time in part to see what his sessions were all about, and to give her a chance to voice her concerns. He offered to give her some privacy, but she said she did not need it.
His talks with River, who considered themselves non-binary or gender queer, had him thinking that he might be gender-fluid. He had lived his life as a son, a brother, a husband, and a father, and he took a great deal of pride in his accomplishments in those roles. Yet, at the same time, he felt a strong pull towards being Donna as well.
…
December 31, 2023 - New Years Eve
It was a week later, and Eric and Emma were back in their living room, waiting for the NY City ball to drop. During the week, Eric had thought about the changes he had gone through in the past two years, since reconnecting with Jeanette. The anger and concern that Eric had felt about all the legislative efforts to ban transgender healthcare for minors, and now starting to go after adults, had not dissipated. If anything, it was stronger.
“Emma, I keep coming back to this. I know that I would have to be insane to come out now, with all the legislative attacks going on, and yet it is killing me to keep silent, while others are in harms way. I still don’t know where my own situation is going to lead, but I feel like I need to do something, anything more to help fight this.”
He continued on with, “I also know that what I do does not only affect me, but it also affects you.”
Emma thought for a moment and said, “You have been seeing a therapist for almost two years, and that has been covered by insurance. You have been very vocal on Facebook about these issues for even longer than that. You have been chatting with Jeanette, for at least a year, if not more.”
Eric said, “Yes, true.”
Emma pressed on with her point, “If things really go south legally, if the federal government were to decide they wanted to find all transgender people and their allies, could you really avoid detection?”
Eric thought about that, “No. I’ve taken the precautions to keep us from being found out by ordinary people, but no, if the government really wanted to identify me, they could.”
Emma asked, “So really how much more of a risk is it for us to start to slowly come out to our family?”
That brought Eric up short, and he had to think about it, before saying, “Well some of them are likely to reject us, but I think my parents, and my brother would be shocked by it, but I can’t see them rejecting us. I know a lot of people have lost everyone, but I just can’t see it. The only real reason we have kept it from them all these years was to keep them from worrying.”
With that thought they both agreed that the risk, in their case, with Max grown and on his own, that the risks were outweighed by Eric’s need to fight for transgender rights, hard, in the upcoming election year. Something that would be stronger coming from him if they were out.
Right before the ball started to drop, Eric made his resolution, “I will begin to come out, I will continue on my journey to figure out exactly who I am, and I will join the fight for our existence with everything I can give it.”
And as the ball hit the bottom, and the clock struck midnight, he kissed Emma, “I love you.”
She kissed him back, “I love you too, Donna.”
The Beginning.
Authors Note:
This story is a very different type of story from me. I was inspired by Dorothy’s initial contest entry, which was autobiographical.
Most of my writing has had some aspect of my life or experience injected in small ways. This story is my story with the serial numbers filed off. I’ve condensed and changed the time frame to current dates. I’ve changed the names and left out some details that while very important to the people involved were not relevant to tell this story. Many of these conversations are ones that I did have with my wife and my best friend.
I was driven to publicly come out for three reasons. The first reason, it was getting very difficult for me to keep Kristine relegated to a private matter between my wife and myself. Second was a real desire to be in a better position to educate friends and family. Third was the political writing on the wall in 2017; I wanted to get into the fight.
This story was written to give a glimpse into that process; it was a story I needed to tell.
Thanks,
Kristy
Copyright © 2024. All Rights Reserved!
I want a new bra
One that won't pinch my tit
One that won't make men crash their cars
Or make me feel unfit
I want a new bra
One that won't hurt my back
One that won't make my shoulders sore
Or give me two "sad sacks"
One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what to do
One that makes me feel
like I feel when I'm with you
When I'm alone with you
I want a new bra
One that won't ever pill
One that doesn't cost too much
Or come with too much "fill"
I want a new bra
One that won't go astray
One that won't keep me up all night
One that won't let me sag all day
One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel
when I'm with you
When I'm alone with you
I'm alone with you baby
I want a new bra
One that does what it should
One that won't make me feel too bad
One that won't make me feel too good
I want a new bra
One that will not shout
One that won't make my nipples show too much
Or make make my boobs fall out!
One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel
when I'm with you
When I'm alone with you
Words by Kristine Roland
with an assist by Andrea DiMaggio
Based on I Want A New Drug
by Huey Lewis and the News
Original words and music by Hayes and Lewis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6uEMOeDZsA
Another song parody which came to me today.
(Mind)
You wait little girl
Hidden on the page
Waiting for your chance to shine
Your life little girl
Behind the veil
Until you can reveal
(Kristine)
Until I can reveal
(Mind)
You are Kristine accepting Kristy
Is it time, do you think?
Better beware
Be cautious, be careful
Yes, you are on the brink
You are Kristine embracing Kristy
Exploring the world online
Learning and unlearning
a lifetime of social traits
filling your deepest yearning
So much you do not know
Having lived as a man
Timid and shy and scared are you
Can you find your way?
You need guidance
Friends and family
Helping you to be you
You have love, and you have support
You will make it through
(Kristine)
I am Kristine becoming Kristy
I will stumble
I will falter, but I will persevere
I truly believe
I am Kristine becoming Kristy,
Discrimination,
fear of other,
Can I be strong?
So much I do not know
Having lived as a man
I am Timid and shy and scared
Yet, I will find my way
I need guidance
Friends and family
Helping me to be myself
I have love; I have support
I will make it through.
To the music of I am 16, going on 17 from the musical The Sound of Music
Rodgers & Hammerstein
"Anna, I'm telling you my new house is haunted," Lucy sat with her arms folded, staring across the table top in the booth at the diner.
Anna laughed, "Yes, couldn't you tell just by looking at it. I mean really you should know better than to buy a house that looks like the Addams family lived in it."
"Please, you know it's a little, split level. It's in good shape, it certainly doesn't 'look' like a haunted house, but I'm telling you it is. I'm not joking around here, honest I'm not."
Anna waited until after the waitress took their orders before bringing up a sensitive topic. “Oh honey, how long has it been since. . . .”
Lucy bit her lip. “. . . since Edwin died.” She closed her eyes and remembered the night that the police came to her door and informed her that Edwin had perished in a car accident.
“I was worried about you moving out of your home into a new place.”
The waitress arrived with their drinks. “I’ll be back with your salads in a few minutes. Is there anything else you need?”
Lucy wiped the tears from her eyes, “No . . . thanks.”
“Umm. . . . Sorry. . . .” The waitress backed away.
“It’s a bad day,” Anna explained for her friend.
The waitress shrugged and left.
Anna looked into her friends eyes, “Hon — are you okay. It’s been four years, you need to move on.”
Lucy nodded. “I know, but. . . I still wonder about Edwin, Why, Anna, Why? I was supposed to be with him that night, but. . . .”
“And if you had, you would probably be dead too.”
“They said he fell asleep at the wheel, maybe if I had been with him, I could have helped him stay awake. He was so annoyed that I wasn’t going. . . . Our last words were in anger.”
Anna handed her friend a tissue and took one for herself, “You’ve got to stop beating yourself up over this, you know Edwin loved you. You weren’t feeling great, and Kevin met him at the game, and they had a good time. When it went into the twelfth inning they should have left, but no . . . they had to stay till the last out. Kevin told me that night when he got home that Edwin felt just as bad about your argument as you did.”
“I know.” She took a sip of her iced-tea. “I just wish, I could have said goodbye.” A small tear fell from her eye.
“Do you think it’s Edwin that is haunting your house?”
Lucy appeared not to be able to talk, so she shook her head.
"Okay, so what makes you think it's haunted?"
She took another small drink. "Well at night I hear noises coming from the attic, but when I go up, there’s nothing there. I thought maybe a squirrel, or a bird, or God forbid, a raccoon might have gotten in the attic, but there’s no sign of any animals."
"Houses creak; you aren't used to being alone. It's probably just settling when it gets cooler at night, or wind or something like that."
"I know about those kinds of sounds, and I get them too, but this is more like crying and footsteps -- like someone is pacing up there. But that isn't the only thing. I think I've seen him. Only a couple of times, and only out of the corner of my eye, but I've seen a man."
Anna shivered, "Stop it; you’re giving me the heebie-jeebies."
"How do you think I feel?”
“What does he look like?”
“About average. He’s wearing a nice suit. I suppose he was buried in it.”
“Does he jump out from behind doors and yell ‘Boo!’?”
“Be serious, Anna.”
“I’m sorry, but it’s not every day your best friend has a ghost in her house. Okay — okay. You must be terrified.”
“Funny, I'm not afraid of him. He looks so pathetic, as if he’s sad about something; I need to figure out how to help him."
“You need to call in the Ghostbusters or an exorcist, or something.”
Lucy shook her head. “What if it was Edwin? I’m serious, Anna. What if Edwin was haunting someone, wouldn’t I want them to help him?”
"Oh Sweetie, of course I would feel like you do. Okay, stipulating that you’re right, who do you think this ghost is? Finding out about that would go a long way to helping you figure out how to help."
"I think it’s the previous owner, Mr. Gregg. I never met him; his son had the power of attorney at the closing. He and his wife had lived in the house since it was built, a little over thirty years ago. According to my neighbors Mrs. Gregg died of cancer several years back, and Mr. Gregg went to live with his son's family. He died soon after I closed on the house."
"It doesn't sound like there should be any reason for him to haunt your house. If ghosts do exist, then they’re supposed to be on this side because of something unresolved in their lives, but he sounds like he had a good life, a wife, and a family."
"Everyone has regrets. I don't know what the issue is, but I'm going to find out."
"How?"
"I'm not sure yet, but I’ll find a way."
The waitress arrived with their salads and a wary look on her face. She left quickly.
"Maybe you should just ask him?" Anna offered.
"Maybe I will."
That evening, Lucy was sitting in her living room when she felt the temperature drop rapidly. She shivered, and wrapped one of her throws around herself.
"Mr. Gregg, is that you? I want to help you if I can."
She waited, looking around, and then her breath caught when she saw Mr. Gregg standing in the hallway. Even though the hallway was dark, she could see him, it was as though he were coated in phosphor, and bathed in black light. Yet she could see through him as well.
He was staring back at her -- as if curious.
"Mr. Gregg?"
The spirit nodded.
"Can you speak to me?"
A look of sadness came to his face and broke Lucy's heart.
She saw him shake his head. “You can cry, but you can’t speak?”
He nodded.
"I'm sorry. Is there something I can do for you?"
He pointed toward the ceiling.
"You want me to go into the attic?"
He nodded vigorously.
Lucy got up, and then pulled down the ladder from the access panel in the hallway. She climbed into the attic, and turned the lights on. She looked down in vain for Mr. Gregg, but when she turned around he was already there pacing along the back wall.
Lucy went over to that area, and he pointed to the floor. She examined the spot indicated, and realized the board was not nailed down. She pushed one side, and it popped up. Below the board, she found a small metal cash box. Lucy pulled it out, found that it was latched but not locked, opened it, and found several USB thumb drives.
She turned to look for Mr. Gregg, but he was gone.
Taking the box, she then turned off the attic lights, descended, and pushed the ladder back into the access port. Having gone into her office, she fired up her laptop, put the thumb drives into the USB port, and ran an anti-virus scan.
Once it was cleared she opened the drive and found it contained a directory with two folders, the first one was labeled “Venessa Brown” . . . the other “Other Peoples Stories”.
Lucy was confused; who was Venessa Brown? She opened the directory and found it was full of MS Word documents. The first in the list was titled If Ever I Would Leave Her. That was also the oldest file in the list, so she opened it.
"This story is about cross-dressing . . . eww," she said after reading the first five hundred words, but she didn't stop. It was an autobiographical story about Venessa, the love she had for her wife, and her family, and how she had done everything she could to hide herself from them. Lucy had never encountered a transgendered person, but reading the story she could feel the pain that Venessa clearly experienced. It was obvious that Venessa loved her family, and as such had endured mental anguish her whole life rather than to risk losing that love or hurting her loved ones.
When she finished the story, she was crying, but she wasn't sure how she felt about Venessa. If she had been Venessa's wife, she would have been furious with her, for keeping something so important hidden. Even though he had never acted upon his needs, he was in pain that whole time, and that must have had an effect on everything.
One moment I’m thinking of her as Venessa and the next I’m thinking of him as Mr. Gregg, she thought.
She could feel him watching her. "Mr. Gregg, are you Venessa?"
He looked anguished, but nodded.
"How could you do that to your wife? You clearly loved her, I can see it in your writing, but how could you let her go her whole life without knowing you?"
He buried his face in his hands and disappeared.
"Damn it! Don't run away, Venessa. You did that your whole life. Come back here!"
"So what did you do then?" Anna asked, while looking over her menu.
"I slammed my laptop closed, and left the house. I needed time to think. I have a transgendered ghost. What am I supposed to do about that?"
"Well it could be a lot worse. At least he isn't a vengeful spirit. He doesn't seem to be angry . . . just sad."
"How would you like to be living in a house with a guy that wanted to be a woman? I mean really. Why would he want that -- anyway? I know from his story that he was really hurt, but come on; he's a man, or at least he was."
"I don't know, I kind of like being a woman, you seem to be pretty happy as a woman, why shouldn't he want it?"
"Because he wasn't born a woman, and you and I were. If I were born a man, I'm sure I would have been fine as a guy."
"I don't know -- I don't know much about this stuff, except what you see on the talk shows. But you know my cousin Joe is gay. It took me quite a while when he came out, but you know eventually I realized he couldn't help it, he was born that way. Maybe being transgendered is the same."
"So what do you think I should do?"
"Go on-line, and see if you can find out more about it. You said that the thumb drive had more of his stories, as well as other people’s. I'd see if I could find out where Venessa was publishing those stories. Maybe you can find someone who knew her. "
"I don't know. . . ."
"Want me to help out? I can tell Kevin that I'm gonna spend the night at your place, and we can see what we can find together?"
"Oh great; aren't we a little old to be having a slumber party. You, me, and the ghost story."
"Never too old . . . we might be just a little too up-in-the-years to have to have a pillow fight, but I wouldn’t turn your back on me, if I were you."
"Let me see one of the other thumb drives."
Lucy handed Anna one.
Anna put it in, and checked. "Ok, this appears to be a backup. It has the same directories, and the same stories." A few minutes later they had checked them all, and confirmed that they were all identical copies.
"Well it seems my ghost was very cautious. How do you want to do this?"
"Let's see what we can find on transgenderism to start with."
An hour later Anna sighed and leaned back from the computer. "Well there is certainly a wide range of opinion on the topic. Where do you think Venessa fell on the transgender line?"
"I don't know, she certainly never did anything about transitioning. Was she transsexual, or a cross-dresser, or something else? I think she may have been in between. According to her story she certainly was thinking about wanting to be female."
"Let's see if we can find that story. . . . If Ever I Would Leave Her Venessa Brown," she said as she typed into the search engine.
They found a site called Big Closet TopShelf that claimed to be “a friendly place to read, write, and discuss Transgender Fiction”.
They were quickly able to understand the structure of the site, and clicked on the list of Venessa's stories. They found, If Ever I Would Leave Her and a number of comments welcoming Venessa to the site and encouraging her to write more. There were several comments about how the story could have been written about them.
They read through the comments on her other stories.
One of the comments had a link that led them to a blog entry that Venessa had written.
"Oh, there’s a blog portion of the site? I wonder if we can find the rest of hers?"
After clicking on a few links they found Venessa Brown's blog. They started at the oldest entry and worked their way through them all.
They spoke of her frustration at being so deep in the closet, and her fears that if she told her wife and family, they would reject her and not be able to understand. She wished she had been able to be open to telling her wife, when she first met her, but at that time and place so many years ago it was just too risky. She had been sure that once she had a wife she would not need to be Venessa anymore. She had been so wrong.
They went through several years of blogs, one of the final entries told everyone about her wife succumbing to cancer. There were at least two dozen or more expressions of sympathy from the people that had clearly come to care about Venessa.
A couple of more entries after that the comments stopped.
They found a blog entry by one of the other members of the Big Closet community, asking if anyone had heard from Venessa recently. No-one knew what had happened.
Anna shook her head. "I guess she never had a chance to let them know she was going to live with her son."
"No, she probably didn't. My neighbors told me that soon after Mr. Gregg’s wife died, he fell down the ladder, coming down from the attic one night. He broke his hip, and it was the next afternoon before his son found him. Mr. Gregg had passed out and was quite a mess. When he was released from the hospital he never came back to this house."
"We should really let the people on Big Closet know," Anna said.
"Yes, they seem like nice people, and they seemed to really care about Venessa. I'm sure they would like to know what happened to her. . . him. Oh, you know what I mean."
"From what I can see, he did the best he could, with the cards he was dealt. He loved his wife, and his family, and never wanted to hurt them. It's tragic that he went his whole life without sharing this part of him. But you know, we don't know what would have happened if he had tried to tell them."
"I know; I'm not mad any more about him not sharing this with his wife. I'm sad for Venessa. I'm sad that she never got that chance to know. Mr. Gregg . . . Venessa are you there? I hope you can hear me, I'm sorry I snapped at you the other day.”
Mr. Gregg’s ghostly form appeared about fifteen feet away from them. He was no longer wearing his suit; he was now wearing what appeared to be a unisex outfit, something along the lines of a workout suit. His hair was decidedly longer.
“Mr. Gregg, this is Anna. She’s helping me, help you. But I suppose you know that.”
“We’re going to tell your on-line friends about what happened,” Anna said, her voice quaking just slightly.
The specter nodded and seemed to smile.
“Maybe that's what you needed me to do. In any case, you’re welcome here. . .as long as you need. Venessa is welcome to stay here, too. I mean, you as Venessa. . . . You know what I mean.” Lucy smiled at her inability to articulate. "Ok, let's do this. But I think we should reach out to the woman that runs the site. We saw her in a few of the blog entries. Erin . . . right? From some of the comments we know that members can send private messages, I don't want to create a new account and then immediately post something about Venessa dying."
Anna agreed, so Lucy clicked on Create New Account, and used the marginally anonymous e-mail she used for signing up for things on the web. As a screen name, she laughed and created the name GTierney.
They were soon in the site with full access. It did not take long to find out how to access the private message system, so they wrote a message to the sites host, Erin:
Dear Erin,
My friend and I are new to this site. I recently purchased a home that had previously been owned by Venessa Brown, one of the authors on Big Closet. I found a USB thumb drive of hers that had all of her stories, and that led us to your site.
We know that Venessa stopped posting some time back, and that there have been questions as to what had happened to her. As her friends know, her wife passed away from cancer a couple of years ago. Shortly after that, Venessa had an accident and fell while climbing down from her attic. She broke her hip, and when she was released she moved in with her son and his family. She lived with them for the past two years, until she had a heart attack and passed away a couple of months ago.
From what we have found on your site, we are certain that her friends here would like to know.
Sincerely,
Lucy & Anna
She looked back to face the ghost, but he had disappeared again.
"Mr. Gregg. Venessa --- I hope that's okay," she said loudly, then pressed send.
"Alright Anna, let's put a movie on for a while."
They went and watched an old movie starring, Rex Harrison, and then before they went up to bed, they checked the site one more time and saw, You have a Private Message.
They opened the message,
Dear Lucy & Anna,
I am very sorry to hear about Venessa. She was a very well loved member of our community for a number of years, and has and will be missed. I have posted a blog; with the information that you have provided, and I have added her name to the In Memoriam list on our front page.
Thank you for letting us know.
Hugs,
Erin
They then read the blog entry, which basically passed on the information. There weren't any comments as of yet, but it had only been posted a little while, and it was very late.
Anna nodded. "Well maybe that is what she needed you to do. . .let her friends know what had happened. Maybe she can rest in peace now."
Lucy went to her room and Anna to the guest bedroom.
Lucy woke up in the middle of the night and heard crying coming from the attic. She called out. "Venessa, please don't cry. Your friends all cared about you, and now they know."
Since the crying only faded and never really went away, Lucy knew it wasn't the end.
In the morning, before they went in to make breakfast, they checked the blog, and were astounded to see twenty entries already. All of them expressed sorrow for the loss, and hoped that Venessa was now at peace.
Their concern that Venessa might be at peace hurt because Lucy and Anna knew that Venessa was not, and that it was their job to figure out what to do about it.
“I’ve been thinking,” Anna said. “Didn’t you say that Mr. Gregg was wearing a suit?”
“Yes, he was the first time I saw him. Why?”
“Well he wasn’t wearing a suit last night. Who ever heard of a ghost changing clothes?
“I haven’t, but you know his hair grew too. In fact, he’s changed quite a bit.”
“So? Maybe he found a spook salon.”
“Or. . .maybe he’s trying to transition after death and needs our help.”
“How do you figure?”
“I think he made a big step along the transgender line by coming out to you by showing you his stories and leading us to Big Closet.”
“If you’re right, we need to keep looking into things.”
Two weeks later, they were sitting in front of the computer again. The blog entry had finally stopped getting new comments; it was at thirty-nine entries.
The soft muted sound of Venessa’s whimpering in the attic was heartbreaking.
"Lucy, let's think about this. She wanted you to have the drive. I'm sure that notifying her friends was not a mistake, but what else could she have wanted you to do? There are no unposted stories on her drive. What else in her life could have been left undone?”
“She came out to us, which seems to have allowed her spirit to move towards its true image. What are the other steps to transitioning? She needs to inform her family. Her wife is already dead, presumably she has a better chance of telling Mrs. Gregg then we do. Is there anyone else she should have come out to that she didn’t?”
“Her son!” they said together.
“Maybe she wants her son to have these,” Anna said excitedly. “She regretted never facing it in life, maybe she wants him to know now?"
"You want me to call up this guy I have only met once and tell him his father was transgendered? What is he going to say? How do I do that? Do I tell him his father’s ghost is crying here every night?"
"No of course not. We call him up and tell him we found something of his fathers, and then have him come here and we will show him. Hopefully he won't freak out. Hopefully he will appreciate the fact that his father had a lot of people that loved him, and are sharing in his loss."
Suddenly the only sound they could hear was the hum of the laptop, the crying had stopped.
The doorbell rang.
Lucy opened it. "Hello Mr. Gregg; may I call you Dan? Please come in."
"Thanks."
The young man came in and looked around. "It sure looks different. Sorry, it’s always hard to go back someplace after you have moved on. Mom and Dad loved this house."
"I know; they took very good care of it. I love it too, believe me. This is my friend, Anna."
"Hello, Anna, nice to meet you."
Lucy led them to the living room, and they all sat down.
"You said on the phone that you found something of my father's, and wanted me to stop by and pick it up?"
Lucy reached for the metal cash box and a stack of papers she had ready, next to her chair. "Yes, I did. I have to say, I was a little shocked by it when I found it, and you’ll probably be as well. But I've found out a great deal about your dad as a result, and I want you to know that he very much loved you and your mother."
Dan Gregg looked very confused. "I'm certain that’s true, but I guess I don't understand what you could have found of his. I was pretty careful about getting everything out of the house."
"Yes, I was surprised when I found it too, but it was under a loose floor board in the attic. I found this box with some USB thumb drives. When I looked at what they were, I found stories your father had written."
"Stories? About what? I never knew my father wrote anything."
"Look Dan, this is hard, but your father was. . . ." Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see the ghost of Mr. Gregg looking on, he looked frightened, but resolved. "Your father was transgendered. He fought it his whole life, and never really acted upon it. But he did write, and he was part of a community on the web. His name there was Venessa Brown. Anna and I wrote and told them about your dad's passing away. I think you should know that he was very much loved, and well. . . . Here . . . here are all the messages people wrote." She handed him a pack of the comments from Big Closet.
Dan looked like he was in shock, but he didn't look angry. He took the print-out that Lucy handed him, and read through it with tears in his eyes.
"Oh, Dad. . . . You know, Mom and I always thought there was something bothering him. We wondered about this. In fact, I tried to let him know that if it were true it would be okay, but I didn't want to upset him if I was wrong. He had access to the computer in our house, but it's in a central room. I guess he was afraid we would walk in on him."
Dan broke down and cried, and Lucy and Anna both joined him.
It took a while, but Dan eventually got himself under control. "I'm sorry. . . ."
"Why? Because you loved your father? It's okay, Dan. He loved you too."
They took Dan into the office, started the computer, and showed him Big Closet. She gave him the USB drives with his father's stories. A little while later, Dan left.
As Lucy turned back into the living room Venessa appeared.
She was crying, but her face looked at peace, and was bathed in white light. She was wearing a beautiful and elegant dress like those a TV anchorwoman would wear. Everything about her seemed ideally feminine.
She motioned frantically for Lucy to follow her into Lucy’s bedroom, where Venessa pointed at a picture of Edwin.
“Have you met my Edwin?” Lucy asked excitedly.
Venessa nodded.
“Is he. . . . Is he okay? Does he know I miss him and love him very much?”
Venessa nodded again and again. "He’s fine.” She smiled broadly at her new ability to talk, although only at a whisper. “He says he loves you, and he is sorry, and that it’s time for you to move on and have a long and wonderful life, and that he will be waiting and watching over you. Thank you." She faded away.
The End
Authors Note:
Many thanks to Angela Rasch for her assistance in cleaning this up, and helping me to flesh out my ghost!
Also thanks to Erin for her permission in referencing Big Closet and her cameo appearance!
Kristy
Copyright (c) 2010. All Rights Reserved.
by Kristine Roland
Thank you to Jennifer Brock and Scott Ramsey for your always helpful advice. ~Kristy
Jeffrey put the last of his boxes down in his new room. He looked around. His bed, nightstand, dresser and desk had already been setup by the movers. The room was freshly painted with a bright blue on the walls, with a white ceiling. His mother had already made his bed. The comforter and pillowcases had the NY Mets baseball team logo, and the curtains in the room matched.
There was a walk in closet, and on the outside of the door to the closet was a full length mirror. His mother had decided to leave it, although she was making certain that the rest of the room was as masculine as possible.
Jeffrey's mother and father's divorce had been finalized just over a year ago. That had been rough on both his mother and himself. That had been nothing though on the day, about six months ago, when he had been rather publicly caught dressed as a girl. There had been no school that day. His mother was supposed to work, so he had been home by himself.
He had taken the rare opportunity to indulge himself in dressing up. He had been down in the family room when he heard his mother open the front door. Worse he heard her talking to her friend Emily, and he could hear Tim was with them.
She was saying, "Thanks for picking me up, Emily. I think my car is totaled. Just what I need right now. Come on in, let me get you guys something to drink. Jeff, I'm home."
Jeffrey knew he was caught; he had no chance of getting from the family room to the bathroom or his room without being seen. Sure enough, his mother came into the family room a moment later. The scene that followed that was not one he wanted to remember.
Tim of course told everyone at school, and it was pretty bad for a while. Than his Mom's grandmother had passed away, and his Mom had been left this house. His mother decided that a fresh start would do them both some good, and had decided to move here.
"Oh good, that was the last of the boxes. Get a start on unpacking your things Jeff. I'll go make us some lunch," said his mother.
"Ok, Mom," he said as he opened up the first box, and started putting his things away.
He came upon some clothes that he needed to hang in his closet. As he looked into the mirror, he was shocked to see that the room that it showed in the reflection was pink and the bed had a ruffled bed spread. The thing that shocked him even more was that it reflected a young girl, about his age in a pretty dress. Jeffrey shook his head and wiped his eyes, and looked again, and this time all he saw was his own room and himself.
"What the heck was that all about?" he thought to himself.
His mother called up to him and told him to come and eat.
---
After lunch, Jeffrey went back to his room. He went to the closet and examined the door and the mirror. While it was obviously old, the frame was intricately carved from a light colored wood. Until he looked close he had not noticed the themes of the carvings. He now saw that around the frame were small, but highly detailed characters from old nursery rhymes and stories. Now that he was examining the mirror closely he readily identified Jack and Jill, Hansel and Gretel, Alice and the white rabbit, amongst the many characters. It was clear that the frame itself was worth a fortune. He thought to himself, "that was probably the only reason his mother had left it."
As he looked closer, he noticed something very interesting. In the center at the top and bottom, and also the left and right sides of the frame was a symbol. The symbol was the infinity sign, but the two circles making up the loops were themselves the yin and yang symbols. The frame, though varnished, was not painted, so the dark areas were represented with fine carved hash marks.
The next thing he noticed was that everything to the left of the center point of this strange symbol at the top and bottom was mirrored to the right and everything above the center point of the symbols on the left and right were mirrored below. He also noticed that each of the characters appeared to be reaching toward the center of the mirror.
He touched the frame and tried to see how it was attached to the door. He did not see any obvious fasteners, or any way to remove the frame. "Well maybe that is why she did not get rid of it. It's quite valuable and she would have ruined it if she tried to get rid of it." Other then the unusual frame though, he did not see anything strange about the mirror. The door behind it appeared to be solid oak.
Eventually he just shrugged and went back to unpacking.
---
Jeffrey was apprehensive as he started school. In the car on the way to his new school, he thought about what had happened after Tim had told everyone at his old school about his dressing like a girl.
When Jeffrey got to school that next day, Tim had already spread the word, and kids were pointing at him, taunting him and laughing. He had been teased mercilessly by most of his class. Only one person, a girl named Claire was willing to be friends after that. He was sitting alone in the lunch room, since no one would sit with him, when Claire came over and asked if she could join him. He was surprised and frankly a little suspicious but cautiously said, "Sure."
They chatted about many things and Claire never mentioned the rumors floating around. He was still teased by everyone else, but Claire never said anything, except to tell people to leave him alone when they teased him in front of her.
Several weeks later, they were walking home from school together. Jeffrey asked her, "Why have you never said anything about… about…"
Claire said, "About your liking to dress like a girl?"
Jeffrey said, "Yeah. Everyone else teases me about it, but you have never said anything about it, not even to ask if it is true."
Claire said, "Because I figured you would let me know when you wanted to talk about it. I couldn't stand watching you be treated the way you were, and so I decided you needed a friend. I'm glad I did. If you do decide you want to talk about it, I'm here for you."
Jeffrey said, "Even if it's true, that I like to dress like a girl, that I wish I was a girl?"
"Sure, that doesn't bother me at all. I admit I'm curious as to why you want to be a girl?"
Jeffrey replied annoyed, "Meaning, why would you, a boy want to lower yourself to be a girl."
"That's not what I mean at all. I know why I like being a girl, and it isn't just because I was born a girl, so I can imagine there are reasons why you want to be a girl, but I'm curious as to what they are. What is it you dislike about being a boy?"
"I have always felt this way, as long as I can remember. I just feel like there is something wrong, like this me is not what I was supposed to be. It just feels off. It's not that I hate being a boy, I don't really. But if I had the chance to be a girl, I would jump at it. When I dress in girls clothes, I relax and feel like that part of me that is buried all the time is free."
"How did Tim find out?"
"We were off from school that day; Mom was supposed to go to work, and she got into an accident. Tim's Mom is a good friend of my Mom, so she picked her up and brought her home. I had not expected anyone home and was wearing some of my mother's clothes, when they came in."
"Your Mom didn't know?"
"No, and she went ballistic. She won't discuss it at all. She put a lock on her door, and I haven't been able to since. Claire, it's driving me crazy."
"What?"
"I want to talk to my mother about it, but she won't. And not being able to let … out for a while is just…"
"hmmm… Let me think about that, maybe I can help you somehow."
A few days later, Claire told him at lunch to meet her to walk home after school. After they left school grounds and were away from the other kids, she reached into her backpack and brought out a small bag. She said, "This is for you. It's not much, but I think they will fit."
"What is it?"
"Just a present for my friend." She gave him a small kiss on the cheek and ran to her house.
When he had got home, he went straight to his room and opened the bag. In it he found a pair of panties, a bra, nylons, a skirt and a top. He found a note, "These are some things I don't wear anymore, I think that you will be able to fit in them, though they may be a bit tight. The skirt has an elastic waist though, and the top was big on me. Claire."
His mother was due home shortly, but he could not help himself, he had to try them on. They were a little tight, but not so tight that he couldn't get into them. He felt the stress that had been building up, melt away. Knowing that if he was not careful, his mother would catch him, he reluctantly got undressed and back into his regular clothes. He looked around for a safe place to hide his things. In his closet he found the box that held his train set. He took out the trains, and the track, put the bag at the bottom of the box, and then everything else back on top.
The next day he and Claire found a place they could talk quietly without being overheard. She asked if the things she had given him had fit. He blushed as he thanked her and said, "They are a little tight, but I can wear them."
Claire smiled and said, "Good. I hope they help."
"Yes, I'm feeling much better today. I just have to be really careful and not let my mother find them, or catch me in them."
"Someday, we will have to get together. I would like to meet my new girlfriend."
Jeffrey had been very careful, and managed to avoid getting caught again by his mother for a couple of months, then one day he came home from school and his mother was in the kitchen fuming. She had his clothes on the table, "Where did you get these!"
"I found them."
"You mean you stole them!"
"No, they were being thrown out."
"So now you’re going through people's garbage! Go to your room. I told you this is going to stop. Its sick Jeffrey, you are a boy, boys do not wear bras."
On the way home the next day, Jeffrey told Claire that his mother had found her things. She had been cleaning up and thinking about having a garage sale and had looked in the box with his train set. Claire gave Jeffrey a hug and said, "I'm so sorry, Jeff. Don't worry, we will figure out some way to help you out."
It was only a few weeks later when Jeffrey found out that they would be moving to his Grandmother's old house. Claire was sad to see her friend go, but she said, "It might be a good thing to get away from here. At least you won't be teased about it, since no one there will know. I'm sorry that I won't be there to help you with your other needs."
They had promised to keep in touch.
Jeffrey was shaken back to the present when his mother pulled her car into the parking lot of his new school. They walked inside and his mother filled out the paperwork, and supplied his transcripts. Soon he was in his first class, and his jitters subsided as no one teased him. He joined several of the boys for lunch and seemed to be accepted right in.
---
The days went by, and Jeffrey was sure that he had just imagined what he saw in the mirror that first day. He settled into the new town, met some new kids, and was enjoying school. He knew that he still missed dressing up, but his mother gave him no opportunity to do so again. He had tried to talk to her about it, but she just told him it was not open to discussion.
He figured that it was just his mind playing tricks on him because he had been thinking about when he had gotten caught.
A few weeks later, he had been asleep, when he woke up, having thought he heard a noise in his closet. The moon was quite bright that evening, so the room was fairly well illuminated, and he looked over at the closet, and saw the girl in the mirror again.
She was reaching out to him and making a motion for him to come to her.
Scared but unable somehow to refuse he got out of his bed and headed over to her. He put his hand up to hers and found that his hand went into the mirror. She took his hand and guided him through.
Once he was on the other side, he looked down and saw that he was no longer a boy. He was really a girl, wearing a pretty dress. He looked at the girl he had seen in the mirror, and she said, "Hi Joann."
"Hi… Where am I? How did I get here? And who are you?"
"Whoa… One thing at a time. I'm Lisa. I'm your sister. You came through the mirror; I don't know how it works. Grandma Larkin told me it was time, and I have been watching for you."
"Grandma Larkin… My mom had a Grandma Larkin, but she just passed away, recently. The house we are living in was hers."
"I know. But that was on the other side." Lisa said.
"Why am I a girl here?" Joann asked.
"Because that is who you really are. Something is wrong on the other side, and you have a boy's body, but here you are who you are supposed to be." Lisa told her.
"What about my mother? I have to go back." Joann said.
"If you wish to, simply put your hand on the mirror and you will go back." Lisa told him.
"Will I be able to come back here if I go back?" Joann asked.
"Yes. But at some point, you will have to choose one world or the other." Lisa said.
"How do I come back, it has only showed me your world twice now."
"Now that you have been through, you will be able to activate it yourself. Grandma Larkin activated it earlier tonight. She felt you would be more comfortable speaking with me, so she gave us some privacy."
Joann put her hand on the mirror and found he was pulled back to the other side and looking down saw himself again. He looked back at the mirror and Lisa waved, and said, "Good Night," though he could not hear her.
---
The next morning when he looked at the mirror it was again showing his normal room. He walked over to it, and put his hand on the frame, thinking of the other world. The reflection instantly changed.
He put his hand on the mirror and she found herself on the other side, looking back through the mirror at his room. She immediately put her hand back on the mirror and he found himself back in his room. When he backed away, the mirror image faded back to his own room.
---
"Mom, did you know Grandma Larkin well?"
"Not too well, Jeff. My mother died when I was quite young, and my father did not get along too well with her," Jeff's mother told him.
"When did you last see her then?" Jeff asked.
"I saw her a few years ago, at Aunt Joann's funeral."
Jeff started. "Aunt Joann? I don't think I've heard of her before."
"She was my mother's sister."
"What was your mother's name?" Jeff asked.
"Lisa. Her name was Lisa." She looked at Jeff strangely. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Maybe I have, but I don't think you would believe me." Jeff replied.
"Try me." His mother said.
Jeff told his mother about what he had seen in the mirror.
His mother of course did not believe him. She got upset and thought that this was just Jeff's way of getting her to talk about his desire to cross dress again. She told him, "That's not funny, Jeff. I've told you that you will put this behind you. Don't bring it up again!"
"Mom, I'm not lying to you, the mirror really is a portal to another world. I'll show you!"
His mother followed him to his room, he put his hand on the frame thinking of the other world, and the image changed.
"See Mom, the room in the mirror just changed."
"Stop it Jeffrey, it's not funny. I don't know what kind of game you are playing but there is nothing different in the mirror," she stormed out of his room.
---
He called Claire that afternoon. After getting caught up on how things were back at the old school, and telling her about the new school, he said, "Claire… I have something to tell you about, and I don't think you will believe me."
"Of course I'll believe you, Jeff, why wouldn't I?"
"Because I'm not sure I believe it myself," he replied. He then explained about the mirror, and how he had thought he had been hallucinating at first, but that when he found himself on the other side, he knew it was real.
"And you are sure you were not just dreaming?"
"I'm sure, I didn't go back to sleep at all that night."
"So you were really, physically a girl then?"
"Yes."
"How did it feel? Did you realize it right away? I mean I would think it would feel very different."
"Wonderful. I can't really describe it; yes it was different, but then not as much as I would have thought. I knew something was different, but I couldn't place it till I looked down and saw what was different."
"So you really think this mirror is a portal to another world?"
"Yes, I do. I don't understand it, but I do."
"You be careful, you could get trapped over there, and you have no idea what is really going on. I don't like the sound of having to choose between one world and the other."
"What I don't understand is why my Mom couldn't see it."
---
Jeff tried to resist the mirror, it frightened him. As time went by though, his need to spend time as Joann, knowing that he could really be Joann, was too much for him. He went to the mirror, activated it and pushed on through.
"Hello Joann," Lisa said as she sat up in her bed.
"Hi Lisa," he replied.
"It's been a while, I wasn't sure you would be back. Grandma Larkin said you would though, but it would take some time. I guess she was right."
"Well, I'm not sure I should be doing this. It's a bit frightening you know. What if I get stuck here, I don't really know where I am. But I just needed to come back again."
"It's ok, I understand. I'd be afraid to go through myself, I don't really know much about the mirrors, but Grandma Larkin says that they are very useful."
"Will I meet her?"
"Sure, when you want to, I'll introduce you."
"Ok… I think I want to, because I have lots of questions for her, but I have to go to school now, so I have to go back. I'll see you later."
---
Over the next few months, Jeff spent as much time as he could visiting the other side. The next time he went he met, Grandma Larkin.
She explained, "Joann, on this side, you are your true self. When you cross through the mirror only your soul passes through. Our bodies are supposed to be physical representations of the soul, and somehow in your world, your physical body is out of synch with your soul, and that is making Jeffrey very unhappy. When your soul crosses through the mirror a temporary physical representation comes into existence here. As long as you have a permanent physical existence in your world, you will be tied to that world, and will only be able to stay here for short periods of time. This world is very similar to yours, but there are significant differences."
"Why couldn't my mother see this world in the mirror?"
"The mirror is a gateway between our worlds. There are more of them, to date we are aware of 30 of them, there may be more. However each mirror, which exists in both worlds, can only be linked to one soul at a time. In rare cases, a mirror can be linked to two people that are practically the same in two worlds, which is what happened with your Great Grandmother and me, until she passed away. At that time the link was broken. Though it was no longer linked to me, it still recognized me and I could still activate it. One of the powers of the mirror is the ability to see things in other universes, but also in our own, so you're great grandmother Larkin knew that you were hurting. Her last wish was to give you the opportunity to choose. She left the house to your mother, knowing that you would come. I promised to give you the choice. While it was unlinked, anyone could use it to look to the other side, as long as it was active, so Lisa could watch you and wave to you that first night."
"So?"
"Once you came through, the mirrors on both sides became linked to you. I can no longer activate it, and no one other than you can now see through or go through it to the other side. It is locked to you now."
"Lisa said that I would have to choose one of the worlds eventually? Why?"
"As I explained, you can only exist for short times here with this temporary shell, and then you must return to your permanent body. Your situation is more complicated than most because of the gender difference. On that side you are unhappy being a boy. You long for what you can have here. You will eventually have to choose to stay here and be a girl, or to break the link to here altogether to keep from going insane."
"But if I have to return to my permanent body after a short time, how could I choose to stay here?"
"By breaking the link back to your world, your temporary body would become your permanent body. That is not something to consider lightly, my dear. If you do so, there is no going back."
"Oh…. Where did the mirror come from? How does it work?"
"I don't really understand how they work myself, even after all these years. I know the rules they operate under, and that is all. There are an infinite number of alternative universes. The one constant is that for humans we have two genders, not sure what meaning that has, but if you notice the symbols on the mirror that is what it represents. Interestingly though, you would think that with all of those universes, you would have millions of counterparts, but you don't. Most people are unique, a few like your great grandmother and I have one counterpart and an even fewer have a second, and so far there have only been two cases of a third being found."
"But where do they come from?"
"As far as we can tell, they just are. I don't think they are really mirrors myself, though that is the way that we perceive them. Every so often, new ones are located. Sometimes when the person they are locked to dies, they disappear from where they are, and show up somewhere else already locked to a new person, sometimes they stay put and wait to be locked onto someone new. As I told you, your great grandmother knew about your struggles, and we knew that your soul would correct itself here, so I believe the mirror answered her final wish, and waited to let me pass it to you."
---
The more time that he spent on the other side, the harder it became to return and become male again, yet he loved his mother and did not want to lose her.
"That is just spooky, Jeff," Claire said when he explained it to her.
"A bit, but it does work, exactly as she said it does.
"What are you going to do then? I don't want to lose you, Jeff."
"I know, Claire, and I don't want to lose you either. But she was right about one thing, coming back here, to this … body… I hate it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I could just have some time as Joann, here, but my Mom just won't talk about it. She is constantly checking through my things and on me, so there is no way to steal time. The only relief I get is on that side of the mirror. I have a good life over there, I've spent evenings with my friends, and it is wonderful."
He tried again one morning to tell his mother about the mirror. His mother said, "Enough! I'm late for work, but tonight I'm going to get rid of that mirror, and then we won't have any more talk about this."
---
Jeff went straight to his room after school. He had to choose.
He called Claire to say goodbye, "Claire, Mom is going to destroy the mirror when she gets home. I can't … I just can't stay here as Jeff, I wanted to thank you for being the only person that understood, and to say Goodbye. Don't cry for me, Claire, I'm going to be fine."
"Jeff, no, don't please, don't!"
"I'm sorry, Claire, I have to go." Jeff hung up the phone, and made his choice.
Lisa was waiting for him. He pushed through the mirror.
---
His mother came home and found him in his room. She cried out, "NO!!"
The police came and tried to determine what had happened. "It makes no sense. That mirror blew out from the inside. It's almost like something hit it from behind, and the fragments came and stabbed him right in the heart."
Later that night she went into Jeff's room, and saw a piece of the mirror was still sitting there, missed by the detectives. She picked it up and could see a pretty girl looking out at her, she was crying, she took a letter and pushed it toward the mirror. Amazingly, a letter came out of the mirror shard and into her hand.
Jeff's mother picked up the note, and read it.
|
She looked back in the mirror shard and saw that it was fading. As it faded out she saw the pretty girl say "Goodbye."
Kristy
by Kristine Roland
Jeffrey moves into a new house. There is something strange about the Mirror on the Door.
Updated - Thanks to Stanman63 for sending me an edited version.
Authors Note: This is the original contest version of this story. I have since updated the story and posted as The Mirror on the Door - Revised. The new version is a revised and expanded version of this original story.
Jeffrey put the last of his boxes down in his new room. He looked around. His bed, nightstand, dresser and desk had already been setup by the movers. The room was freshly painted with a bright blue on the walls, with a white ceiling. His mother had already made his bed. The comforter and pillowcases had the NY Mets baseball team logo, and the curtains in the room matched.
There was a walk in closet, and on the outside of the door to the closet was a full length mirror. His mother had decided to leave it, although she was making certain that the rest of the room was as masculine as possible.
Jeffrey's mother and father's divorce had been finalized just over a year ago. That had been rough on both his mother and himself. That had been nothing though compared to the day, about six months ago, when he had been rather publicly caught dressed as a girl. There had been no school that day. His mother was supposed to work, so he had been home by himself.
He had taken the rare opportunity to indulge himself in dressing up. He had been down in the family room when he heard his mother open the front door. Worse he heard her talking to her friend Emily, and he could hear Tim was with them.
She was saying, "Thanks for picking me up, Emily. I think my car is totaled. Just what I need right now. Come on in, let me get you guys something to drink. Jeff, I'm home."
Jeffrey knew he was caught; he had no chance of getting from the family room to the bathroom or his room without being seen. Sure enough, his mother came into the family room a moment later. The scene that followed that was not one he wanted to remember.
Tim of course told everyone at school, and it was pretty bad for a while. Than his Mom's grandmother had passed away, and his Mom had been left this house. His mother decided that a fresh start would do them both some good, and had decided to move here.
"Oh good, that was the last of the boxes. Get a start on unpacking your things Jeff. I'll go make us some lunch." His mother said.
"OK, Mom." He said as he opened up the first box, and started putting his things away.
He came upon some clothes that he needed to hang in his closet. As he looked into the mirror, he was shocked to see that the room that it showed in the reflection was pink, and the bed had a ruffled bed spread. The thing that shocked him even more was that it reflected a young girl, about his age in a pretty dress. Jeffrey shook his head and wiped his eyes, and looked again, and this time all he saw was his own room and himself.
"What the heck was that all about?" he thought to himself.
His mother called up to him and told him to come and eat.
The days went by, and Jeffrey was sure that he had just imagined what he saw in the mirror that first day. He settled into the new town, met some new kids, and was enjoying school. He knew that he still missed dressing up, but his mother gave him no opportunity to do so again. He had tried to talk to her about it, but she just told him it was not open to discussion.
He figured that it was just his mind playing tricks on him because he had been thinking about when he had gotten caught.
A few weeks later, he had been asleep, when he woke up, having thought he heard a noise in his closet. The moon was quite bright that evening, so the room was fairly well illuminated, and he looked over at the closet, and saw the girl in the mirror again.
She was reaching out to him and making a motion for him to come to her.
Scared but unable somehow to refuse he got out of his bed and headed over to her. He put his hand up to hers and found that his hand went into the mirror. She took his hand and guided him through.
Once he was on the other side, he looked down and saw that he was no longer a boy. He was really a girl, wearing a pretty dress. He looked at the girl he had seen in the mirror, and she said, "Hi Joann."
"Hi… Where am I? How did I get here? And who are you?"
"Whoa… One thing at a time. I'm Lisa. I'm your sister. You came through the mirror; I don't know how it works. Grandma Larkin told me it was time, and I have been watching for you."
"Grandma Larkin… My mom had a Grandma Larkin, but she just passed away, recently. The house we are living in was hers."
"I know. But that was on the other side." Lisa said.
"Why am I a girl here?" Joann asked.
"Because that is who you really are. Something is wrong on the other side, and you have a boy's body, but here you are who you are supposed to be." Lisa told her.
"What about my mother? I have to go back." Joann said.
"If you wish to, simply put your hand on the mirror and you will go back." Lisa told him.
"Will I be able to come back here if I go back?" Joann asked.
"Yes. But at some point, you will have to choose one world or the other." Lisa said.
Joann put her hand on the mirror and found he was pulled back to the other side and looking down saw himself again. He looked back at the mirror and Lisa waved, and said, "Good Night," though he could not hear her.
"Mom, did you know Grandma Larkin well?"
"Not too well, Jeff. My mother died when I was quite young, and my father did not get along too well with her," Jeff's mother told him.
"When did you last see her then?" Jeff asked.
"I saw her a few years ago, at Aunt Joann's funeral."
Jeff started. "Aunt Joann? I don't think I've heard of her before."
"She was my mother's sister."
"What was your mother's name?" Jeff asked.
"Lisa. Her name was Lisa." She looked at Jeff strangely. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Maybe I have, but I don't think you would believe me." Jeff replied.
"Try me." His mother said.
Jeff told his mother about what he had seen in the mirror.
His mother of course did not believe him. She got upset and thought that this was just Jeff's way of getting her to talk about his desire to cross dress again. She told him, "That's not funny, Jeff. I've told you that you will put this behind you. Don't bring it up again!"
Over the next few months, Jeff spent as much time as he could visiting the other side. He met Grandma Larkin.
She explained, "Joann, on this side, you are your true self. There are parallels, but you are not the same as the Joann that died on the other side, nor is the Lisa here your grandmother. Some souls are shared between each world. Mine for instance was shared by your great grandmother on the other side. Yours is shared with Jeffrey on the other side. But your soul is female, and that is making Jeffrey very unhappy. This mirror is special and is allowing both parts of your soul to come together."
The more time that he spent on the other side, the harder it became to return and become male again, yet he loved his mother and did not want to lose her.
He tried again one morning to tell his mother about the mirror. His mother said,"Enough! I'm late for work, but tonight I'm going to get rid of that mirror, and then we won't have any more talk about this."
Jeff went straight to his room after school. He had to choose. Lisa was waiting for him. He pushed through the mirror.
His mother came home and found him in his room. She cried out, "NO!!"
The police came and tried to determine what had happened. "It makes no sense. That mirror blew out from the inside. Its almost like something hit it from behind, and the fragments came and stabbed him right in the heart."
Later that night she went into Jeff's room, and saw a piece of the mirror was still sitting there, missed by the detectives. She picked it up and could see a pretty girl looking out at her, she was crying, she took a letter and pushed it toward the mirror. Amazingly, a letter came out of the mirror shard and into her hand.
Jeff's mother opened the letter, and read it.
Dear Mom,
I am sorry. I love you so much, but I had to choose, and on this side of the mirror I can be who I really am. Grandma Larkin sends her love as well, and promises that she will take good care of me.
Love you always,
Jeffrey.
She looked back in the mirror shard and saw that it was fading. As it faded out she saw the pretty girl say "Goodbye."
Claire's good friend Jeffrey went through a mirror in the door, what effect did that have on Claire's life?
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/14716/mirror-door-revised
Kristy
---
Claire turned off the lights at the front of the house and brought the remaining candy back into the kitchen. It had been at least an hour since the last of the trick or treaters had come to her door.
After cleaning up, Claire walked into her study and stopped short, when she saw the mirror on the closet door. Her heart skipped a beat and she fell against the door to the room. Claire caught her breath, pulled herself together and went over to the closet door.
She examined the mirror, it was obviously old. The frame was intricately carved from a light colored wood. She saw that around the frame were small, but highly detailed characters from literature, all of which seemed to be from mystery novels. Examining the mirror closely she saw Holmes and Watson, Lord Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane, Tommy and Tupence Beresford, Poirot and Hastings amongst the many characters. It was clear that the frame itself was worth a fortune.
As she looked closer, she noticed what she was really looking for. In the center at the top and bottom, and also the left and right sides of the frame was a symbol. The symbol was the infinity sign, but the two circles making up the loops were themselves the yin and yang symbols. The frame, though varnished, was not painted, so the dark areas were represented with fine carved hash marks.
Then she confirmed that everything to the left of the center point of this strange symbol at the top and bottom of the frame was mirrored to the right and everything above the center point of the symbols on the left and right were mirrored below. Each of the characters appeared to be reaching toward the center of the mirror.
She touched the frame to see how it was attached to the door. There were no obvious fasteners, or any way to remove the frame. The door behind it appeared to be solid oak.
Claire collapsed into her desk chair, and closed her eyes. "Why now; after all these years? I stopped looking for The Mirrors years ago, when Steve and I got married. Steve had saved me; my obsession with finding one of The Mirrors almost destroyed me."
Claire's thoughts went back to where it had all began, over sixty years prior. She'd been a young teenage girl at the time. Earlier that day a rumor had gone around about one of the boys in her class, that he had been caught the day before wearing his mother's clothes. That he wanted to be a girl. Claire did not know the boy, whose name was Jeff. Oh, she knew who he was, it was a small enough class that she knew most of the people's names at least, but she had never even spoken to him before.
She saw him being teased and taunted by just about everyone, and at lunch time he was sitting alone as everyone was avoiding him. Her heart broke for this poor boy, and she had made up her mind then and there that she was going to be his friend.
She smiled as she remembered going over to him that first day and asking if he minded if she sat with him. She saw a look in his eyes, gratitude, mixed with fear. He was naturally suspicious that she was trying to pull a prank on him, but longed for a friend. He had let her join him.
To make him feel at ease she avoided mentioning anything about the rumors. She would scold anyone who teased him in front of her, but that was as far as she would go in acknowledging that she knew about them. One day on the way home from school, Jeff had finally been ready to talk to her about it. He asked her why she had never said anything about the rumors.
She had told him that it was his business, that if it were true then she was there if and when he wanted to talk about it. She made it clear to Jeff that she would be his friend whether it was true or not. As it turned out it was true, Jeff had wanted to be a girl. His mother had completely rejected this need in him and he was hurting very badly from it. Worse, since his mother had so completely locked things down for him, he couldn't get even the mild release that occasional dressing had given him.
For a couple of days, she had tried to decide how she could best help Jeff. She would love to have had him come over and play "dress-up," but that would have been difficult to explain to her mother. Having a boy in her room, would have been forbidden for any reason, having him getting changed, well that was right out.
She went into the closet and looked through her clothes. As she came across one of her favorite skirts, she knew that was what she was going to do. It had a nice elastic waist, which would make it more likely that it would fit Jeff, and she had a nice oversized top that would go well with it. She went to her lingerie drawer and took out one of her newer pairs of panties, a package of nylons and one of her older bras that she had outgrown the cup size for, but would still probably fit Jeff.
She sat down and wrote a note saying that these were things she didn't wear any more, she chuckled as she thought, "well at least I won't once I give them to Jeff."
It had given her a nice warm feeling, knowing that she had been able to help Jeff. She saw him much more relaxed the next day, and that went on for a couple of months. Then his mother had found the clothes. Jeff got into a lot of trouble for that, but he had not mentioned to his mother that she had given them to him. She couldn't imagine what her own mother would have said about that!
A few weeks later, Jeff had told her that they were moving, that his mother had inherited a house from her grandmother, and they were going to go live in it. She was really sorry to see Jeff leave, but she also was happy for him, because the kids at his new school would not know about his situation and he would not be teased there.
They had kept in touch, and one day Jeff had told her a strange story about the mirror in his room being a portal to another universe. When he went through it, he came out into a world where he was truly physically a girl. It was hard to believe, but she knew intuitively that Jeff was not making this up.
It frightened her, especially when Jeff told her he had been told that he was eventually going to have to choose one world over the other. Several months later she had gotten the call that still haunted her to this day, Jeff had chosen, he was going to go through the portal and break the link back. To her it sounded too much like suicide, even though she believed Jeff. She had begged him not to do it, but in the end, he had said goodbye and hung up.
She cried the whole night long, and when she heard that Jeff's body had been found with a piece of mirror through his heart, she was devastated.
Her mother had taken her to Jeff's memorial service and the funeral. She looked at Jeff's mother with hatred in her eyes, and waited for an opportunity to get her alone. She and her mother were invited back to the house after the ceremony at the graveyard; her mother was hesitant, but acquiesced.
Later in the afternoon, she was coming back from using the bathroom, when she saw Jeff's mother sitting on the bed in his room. She went in and closed the door behind her.
Jeff's mother said, "Claire? Right? You were a friend of Jeff's from his old school?"
"Yes."
"Jeff spoke about you a lot. You were very good to him… after…"
"Somebody had to be. He needed you to listen to him. He was hurting so badly, I tried to help him… But you wouldn't listen to him, and then you wouldn't believe him when he told you about The Mirror. I tried to stop him, he called to say goodbye before he went through, I begged him not to, and he said he was sorry, but he had to go."
"He told you about the mirror?"
"Yes, he told me. He told me it was a portal to another world, a world where he was really a girl. He told me he had a sister there named Lisa, and a Grandmother Larkin. He had friends there that all knew him as a girl, and he told me he just couldn't stay here as a boy, and that you had told him you were going to destroy the mirror and he would be stuck here. I don't know how he did it, but then he killed himself and it's your fault!"
Jeff's mother broke down crying, and said "I didn't know… I thought he was just trying to get me to let him dress up."
Claire said bitterly, "Are you happy now? Was it worth having him kill himself instead of at least listening to him about his need to be a girl? If you had just listened, he would still be here. He must have broken that mirror somehow and stabbed himself. He needed help, he needed to see a psychologist or a psychiatrist to help with his gender problems, not to be told 'Be a man.' But no, you thought he should just suck it up, and that's why he is dead."
Jeff's mother raised her head defiantly and said, "He's not dead. He was telling you the truth. I came back in here that night, after the police had left and everything and they had missed a piece of the mirror. I saw her in the mirror and she pushed this note over to me."
She reached into her purse and handed it to Claire.
|
"You saw her, in the mirror?"
"Yes, she was crying and she said goodbye."
"Where is the mirror piece now?"
"The image faded out, and next morning it was gone. The same thing happened to the pieces the detectives had gathered. They were all signed into the evidence room that night, and next morning they were all gone. Even the frame and the door it was on disappeared. The door was solid oak, that door was in its place in the morning, it's a regular closet door."
Claire reacted like she had been struck, "You mean that all of that portal stuff was really true. It wasn't just some fantasy that he created to deal with his pain?"
"Yes Claire, I don't know how or why, but it was real. I wish with all my heart that I had listened to him, and tried to meet him halfway, but I do know that somewhere on the other side of that mirror, she is happy now."
Claire never did speak to Jeff's mother again after that night. From that moment on she became obsessed with trying to find one of The Mirrors, so she could find a way to see Jeff one more time and to be sure that he was happy.
There was not much she could do while she was in school. She did what research she could on the internet, but it was difficult. You couldn't just google "mirror portals" and get an answer. She did get some leads though, by following through and finding people that were into the occult. She had to be a bit careful though, because her parents strongly disapproved of anything occult.
They had tried to get her to focus on more mundane things like dating and schoolwork. Dating was pretty much out of the question though. The boys all remembered her friendship with Jeff, and none of them wanted to be tainted as being a possible sissy, if she were to like them.
Her parents had pushed her to go to college, but her grades had slipped the last couple of years of high school. She just wasn't interested in it. Once she graduated high school, she packed up and started a cross country search for more information on The Mirrors. She found an old VW bus that she was able to buy cheap, which she could use as a camper. She worked odd jobs, when she could, mostly in retail or waiting tables, to bring in money for food and gas and the car insurance.
She followed leads where they would take her, and she got close a few times, only to get there after a person that supposedly had one had recently passed away, and the mirror was gone. She did learn quite a bit about them along the way, by speaking to family members of people that had them.
There were supposedly about 30 of them at any given time, though occasionally a new one would be discovered. The mirrors were locked to an individual and they were the only ones that could use them. It was rare, but occasionally an unlocked mirror would stay behind after the lock was broken, and then wait to lock to the person that finds it, but usually it will disappear and reappear somewhere else already locked to a person.
Those things all confirmed what Jeff had told her, years before. She also learned that no one could take control of a mirror. Several times in history, someone had tried to, by killing the person the mirror was locked onto, but the mirror would explode as soon as the person tried to use it and they would be killed, similar to what happened to Jeff's body.
Those that knew had tried to convince her that she should give up trying to search for the mirrors; they told her she would never find one by looking for it. Her obsession however, just got stronger as a result of such advice. She was sure she could track one down. She just wanted to see for herself that Jeff was ok.
She spent 3 years looking for the mirrors. She was running out of energy. She was lonely, and tired of bouncing from one place to another. She had no money, no friends, and only the one overriding obsession kept her going.
Then one night, she was waiting tables at a local diner. A young man came in and sat by himself at one of her tables. He had smiled at her and they had chatted a bit about nothing really while she served him.
He soon became a regular at her diner, and always asked to sit at one of her tables. She learned that his name was Steve, and he was a senior at a local college. One night Steve asked her if she would like to see a movie or something when she wasn't working. She had hesitated, and Steve's smile left his face and said, "If you are seeing someone else, it's ok, you just well I've been coming here daily for a couple of months now, and I really like you, but you have the aura of loneliness to you. I'd like to get to know you."
Claire said, "No, I'm not seeing anyone else. I've been … well it's a long story, but I move around a lot, and it's been a long time since anyone has taken an interest in me."
Steve said, "Well I would like to learn more about you."
Claire made the decision that had changed the rest of her life, for the better. She smiled and said, "I think I would like that."
Steve and Claire dated for just over a year, and Claire put all thoughts about chasing The Mirrors aside. Early on she had told Steve about it, and he gave her a wry smile and said, "Claire, your friend is either happy in another universe somewhere, or he is dead, hopefully in heaven, or re-incarnated as a girl or whatever, but I'm sure that he would not want you to waste your whole life looking for him. At least not if he was any kind of a friend to you, he wouldn't."
Claire had shaken her head.
"Plus, and I don't want to speak badly of your friend, because you obviously cared for him deeply, but he moved on without looking back, don't you think you should too?"
And so Claire finally had done so. They were married, and she started taking classes at a local community college. Now that she was free to live again, and was focusing on her own needs, she did very well and ultimately was accepted into a good school, where she studied psychology. It took a long time, but with Steve's help and support she eventually got her doctorate in psychology, with a specialty in transgender issues.
She and Steve had two children, and had a good life together. He had passed away earlier in the year, and their children were grown and married with their own kids. She did not get to see them often, as they lived on the opposite coast from her, but she loved video conferencing with them across the internet.
Claire opened her eyes and looked again. Yes, The Mirror was still there. Again she asked herself, "Why? And on Halloween of all nights, did one of The Mirrors decide to come to me now."
It was spooky, she had very little left here for her, other than those wonderful times when she would get to go visit her kids. Thinking back to Jeffrey, she wondered if the mirror was here as a harbinger of her own death. It scared her a little, but she wasn't afraid to die any more. Halloween of course was supposed to be the night when the veil between this world and the next was at its thinnest. She laughed and said, "of course, when else would it come."
She tried to remember back to all that she had learned about the mirrors, and she could not remember any instance where the mirror was thought of as being harmful to the person it locked too. Even in Jeffrey's case, Jeffrey certainly did not think so. Most of the people that knew of people with them said that they had felt it was a blessing. So why was she afraid?
She thought about it, and wondered, what do I really want from the mirror now? The answer came to her; she would love to really just check in with Jeff, to see if his life had turned out the way he wanted. To share with him her story as well, and to just hug an old friend, was all she would want with it now. "Oh, of course" she thought, "I could also use it to keep an eye on my kids and grandkids."
Claire got up and touched the two sides of the mirror, thinking about her friend Jeffrey, no Joanne she thought. The reflection changed, and a nice room, well lit was displayed, with an elderly woman, sitting in a rocking chair, reading from a tablet PC, and drinking tea was shown.
Claire put her hand on the mirror and found herself being pulled through to the other side.
Claire looked down at herself and was pleased to find that she was herself, and not some other person. Then she looked around the room, and noticed on the mantle a series of pictures showing that the woman in the rocking chair was part of a large and apparently loving family.
Claire felt a peace wash away old angst she wasn't aware she was even still carrying, and she smiled at the woman in the rocking chair and said, "Hi Joanne, It's me, Claire. I've missed you so much. I don't have long, because I have to go back to be with my family, but tell me, how was life as a girl?"
Happy Halloween Everyone!
by Kristine Roland
For the February Challenge
Note: For Drea, had to give it a shot. Hope you like it.
Based on Mother Nature's Son by Lennon & McCartney
My apologies to Sir Paul.
Sit beside a mountain stream Find me in my bright new dress Mother Nature's girl.
Mother Nature's son
All day long I dream of being a girl for everyone.
While my breasts do rise
Listen to the pitch of my voice change as I cry.
Mother Nature's girl
Swaying happily singing songs of joy beneath the sun.
For Drea - my dear friend, and my wonderful partner in her fictional comedic incarnations.... Wrote this after our conversation tonight, a gift for you.
Saw my old longing in the mirror tonight
The night was lonely with my love away
I stood and stared at the image in my mind
And I reached to touch her thru the glass
She looked back at me with a sad smile
But then her eyes found that they could laugh
She pointed at my thinning hair and the beard upon my face
And we laughed until we cried
I got the package hiding on my armoire shelf
I got dressed in my favorite clothes
I stood there lost in my embarrassment
As I saw the reflection in the glass
I went downstairs and poured some wine
I sat talking to the image in the bar mirror
And wished my lover could see me now
And accept this part of me
We drank a toast to Acceptance
We drank a toast to life
We tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But really did not know how
My lover tells me she married her a man
She tells me that she loves my hairy chest
She would have liked to tell me to be that man
But she hates to see me cry
I told her that I would always be here for her
And that I would always be her man
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw
Doubt or understanding
She said she found my hidden clothes
And that I have decent taste
I thanked her for the compliment
and offered to let her share
We drank a toast to Acceptance
We drank a toast to life
We tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But really did not know how
We drank a toast to Acceptance
We drank a toast to time
Reveling, in our eloquence
With my "Auld Longing"
The wine was empty and my heart was low
And I was running out of time
My image blew a kiss to me as I got changed
And I watched her fade away
And in that moment she was locked away
And I felt that old familiar pain
But then a light glimmered as I realized,
My lover had said it would be okay.
To the music of "Same Auld Lang Syne"
By Dan Fogelburg
Drea --- I hope you like your gift
Hugs, always
Kristy
The picture she had chosen was all the more valuable as it was of her, the children and him, looking at the beauty of the Grand Canyon . . . one of the many memories of the adventures the family had when the children still lived at home.
A light touch to her shoulder -- she looked up, smiled a wistful smile. "Oh, Harry. I love you."
***
The family was gathered for Thanksgiving dinner and she was surrounded by all of the grandchildren, laughing with them as they played hide and seek.
A daughter-in-law called out. "Come on in, dinner is on the table."
The dining room table was adorned with the good china, the "company" silver, and crystal glasses for each. The room was permeated with the tantalizing smells of the delightful dishes awaiting them.
When everyone had taken their seats, she asked their oldest son to propose a toast.
He raised a glass and said, "Happy Thanksgiving. Let us be thankful for this time we can spend together, and drink to those that we wish could be here with us still."
Feelings of love shared overpowered even the aromas of the meal, as she turned toward her soul mate's place at the head of the table. She raised her glass. "Happy Thanksgiving, Harry; Happy Thanksgiving to all my loves."
***
She sat in the first oak pew on the left in the rustic old church, which had been lovingly cared for. The minister waited with the groom, the ushers, and the bridesmaids, as their oldest granddaughter walked down the aisle.
A son solemnly matched his daughter in hesitation step, to the strains of "The Bridal Chorus."
The proud grandmother dabbed the happy tears with her handkerchief. "Harry, isn't she beautiful?"
***
She rested peacefully in the hospital bed, drifting in and out of consciousness, knowing what was coming.
A son was holding on to her wrinkled hand.
"Harry, my darling Harry, I love you."
"I love you, too, my dear."
All too soon, the son gasped. "Oh Mom!"
He cried as he placed her lifeless hand on her chest.
The doctors and nurses came in and the minister took the son's hand and led him out of the room.
A moment later, a shimmering light surrounded her body.
Waiting with joy as both lights, the soul mates were rejoined, and they became one. The merged energies shimmered in delight to be whole once again.
The combined light found its way to their son; he was with the rest of the family. The soul mates stopped and touched each of their family in comfort.
Their light dimmed briefly. "Goodbye loves. . . ." They mentally called.
Then, brightening, the light drifted towards the ceiling, out through the roof and up to the stars. Soon the light was lost as it danced with the heavens.
***
A time later, an eternity, days, or hours depending on point of view, the light came back toward the earth. Dividing into two parts, it thought, "Ready to play again?"
"Yes, my love, but this time I want to be female."
"Ahh. . . ."
"You were the last two times my dear; it's my turn!"
"I'll pout. . . . Oh, okay. . . . Don't play too hard to get this time!"
The lights went back toward the earth… and in different parts of the United States, two babies were born. Soul mates, on a new quest.
Authors Note:
Many thanks to Angela Rasch for her great advice, as well as to my other pre-readers, Jennifer Brock, Mutabilis and Drea who helped me make sure I was not giving too much away along the way!
Kristy
Copyright (c) 2011. All Rights Reserved.
Melissa stared at the machine making the irritating but reassuring noise. It showed a weak but still present heartbeat of the man sleeping in the hospital bed. There were several other machines hooked up to him, as well as several IV's.
Melissa held back her tears as she sat in the chair next to him, and reached to cling to his hand. She noticed how frail it was, and remembered when she was a small girl and he had been so strong. How safe she had felt when her father held her in his arms.
She squeezed his hand gently.
Her father's eyes opened, and she saw him smile when he recognized her. She could see that he was very frail, but aware.
"Hi Dad, I'm sorry that I wasn't here sooner, I got here as quickly as I could."
She watched as her father struggled.
"it's okay. . . . Long flight. . . . Bob? Kids?"
"No. . . . They wanted to, but they really couldn't get away, just yet. Bob's looking into flights for the weekend."
He nodded, understanding.
"The truth is, we have some things to talk about, and I needed privacy that I wouldn't have gotten with Bob along."
Her father squeezed her hand encouraging her. "Okay."
"Remember when you and Mom sat me down, and you first told me about your other self. I was maybe eight or nine, not quite into puberty yet, but almost."
A slight nod accompanied his wonderful smile.
"I didn't handle that very well at the time. . . . I'm sorry about that."
Once again she felt the gentle squeeze of his hand, as she continued.
"My first thought of course was that you were going to embarrass me in front of all my friends, and I couldn't believe it. Even then I should have known better, as you always put Mom and my needs first. It took me a while, but I did eventually figure that out. Once I got over it, it was kind of cool being able to talk about fashion and makeup and stuff with you and Mom."
She smiled at her father, and he gave her one back.
She held back a tear — wishing the hospital odor around her wasn’t so ominous. "Some of those shopping trips the three of us made back then were sure fun. I hope you know that after that initial reaction, that Mom and I always loved and accepted you."
He shook his head.
She smiled and gently increased the pressure on his hand.
"What you probably don't know, is that I knew how hard it was for you to watch me grow from a little girl into a woman. I could see the jealousy that you fought as I started to grow my breasts, when I had my first period, and went on my first date."
She saw him start to object and quickly moved on. "Oh, I knew that you were also happy and proud for me, but I knew how much you hurt inside, and I made a vow that someday I would find a way for you to experience those things for yourself."
With that she saw a sad smile and a tear come to her father's eyes. "It's okay. . . . I loved you and your mother; and I wouldn't change one day."
She smiled knowing the depth of what he’d said. "I know that, Dad. I can't turn back the clock, and I can't give you a new body. I can't even cure this disease . . . . but I can give you that experience now."
She saw the questions in his eyes and pulled a small device out of her pocketbook. It looked like an oversized IPod, and had a wire connected that had several small electrodes.
"I've been working on this for ten years, Dad. This device holds recordings of my memories of all of those things. It can play them back for you. You will, for all intents and purposes, live those days as me. Everything I saw, everything I could smell, what I could feel, taste and hear, all of it Dad, it will be just like you were me. All of those special moments are here; it's my gift to you. Will you take it?"
Her father looked at her with tears gushing from his eyes. "Those are your memories . . . . private, personal."
"Yes, and I wouldn't share them with anyone else; and when you are done with them, I'm destroying this recording. But I want you to have them, Dad. I can't give you your own, but I can share mine. Please!"
Her father closed his eyes. "Yes. I would like that very much."
Melissa attached the electrodes to his temple. "Are you ready?"
He nodded. "Yes."
She pushed a button, watched the panel on the device, and remembered each of the days that it was playing. Although the machine fed memories to him at high speed, the whole thing would only take about twenty minutes to run; he would perceive them as though they were full days.
It started with one of her earliest memories. The day she and her parents had gone to a lake and she had learned to swim. She still remembered the cute little one-piece swimsuit, with its little ruffled skirt.
She knew her father was feeling her memories of him and her mother, and wondered how that would feel for him, to see himself through her loving eyes.
The next day was the day her mother had "the talk" with her about the birds and the bees. She laughed as she remembered being totally grossed out by the thought of sex. The man puts What, Where? Eww! She didn't think she had ever been so wrong in her life.
Well, maybe the next day on the recording, which was the day she found out that her breasts were growing. She was lying in bed, and her chest was itchy. She had scratched them lightly, and realized there was a hard nodule under both nipples. She had heard horror stories about women finding nodules in their breasts and having breast cancer. She ran to her mother in a panic. "Mom I've got lumps. I've got breast cancer!"
Her mother had tried not to laugh. "I think that's just your breasts coming in dear, but we will make an appointment with your doctor to make sure."
Soon after, she had her first period. She had actually forgotten most of the details of that day, until the machine had pulled the memories out of her own mind. She woke up in the morning, and went into the bathroom as usual, and noticed the spotting in her panties. That was one time she had been prepared. Her mother had been very candid about her first period long before it happened. Her mom had been concerned that she might hear something from the older girls at her school, and be frightened by it. It was just a milestone in her life.
There were several other memories from early high school, including early crushes. She blushed as she looked at the console and realized her father was currently living through the day she discovered masturbation, and had her first orgasm -- her first real dates, and finally her first sexual partner. She hadn't held back any of those things.
She saw that he had just met Bob, and was going through several of their early dates, then the day he asked her to marry him -- the wedding -- and again she wondered how her father felt looking at himself walking her down the aisle. She wore his necklace for something borrowed.
The last memory was the day her son had been born.
A few moments later, the machine beeped to indicate its cycle had completed. Her father opened his eyes; the look he gave her was one she would remember for the rest of her life. For the first time in his life she saw peace within his beautiful eyes. The itch had been scratched; and she saw perfect contentment.
"Thank you, Melissa. I love you."
Epilogue
Her father survived through the weekend, and had been fairly alert on Saturday when the boys were able to visit. On Sunday he slipped into a coma, and passed away later in the evening.
When the minister finished his prayers at the grave site, Melissa dropped a rose and her memory device into his coffin.
When her project supervisors at the research facility next asked her about her progress she showed them a set of burned out circuits and told them that the latest test had failed; she would have to go back to the drawing board on the design, but expected complete success in the very near future.
Copyright (c) 2009. All Rights Reserved.
I am just a poor girl
Though my story's seldom told
Have I squandered my existence
For moments full of choices, such is living
All life is choosing
Still a girl often hears what she fears
and disregards the rest
When I made my home and my family
I was no more than a boy
In the company of my true love
in the quiet of her mom’s room
Truly scared,
Speaking low, I told her of my deepest secret
wondering if I’d have to go
Looking into her face to see
What only she could know
La la la, la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la la la la
Asking only for a chance
we began our real romance
Finding paths to follow
to build our lives together
as a pair
I do declare
There were times when we were lonesome
As we tried to make our way,
la la la, la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la la la la
Now laying out our lives together
examining all those choices
I’m content
with the decisions of the past
New decisions are
Leading me
Going home
In the clearing stands the girl
that always has been here
She carries the reminders
Of ev’ry choice she made
And now it’s time to cry out
It’s my time, and there’s no shame
“Here I am, Here I am”
And my wife’s love still remains, mmm mmm
La la la, la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la
La la la, la la la la la la la la la
To the music of The Boxer from Simon and Garfunkle
by Kristine Roland
Cover Art by Alicia Radford - used by permission.
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 1 - 5. This is the story of Jason, a young boy coming to terms with his transgender nature. Helped by his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: I originally started this story several years ago and posted the first four chapters on fictionmania, then real life intervened, and it sat. I have finally had time to get back to it and am up to about Chapter 15, so I wanted to post it in parts to get some feedback. More tomorrow.
Kristine
Chapter 1
Jason was in the living room, waiting for his Mom to get off the phone. He knew that she was getting ready to head out for the afternoon, and he could not wait to be home alone. A few minutes later, his Mom was off the phone.
“Jason, are you sure you don’t want to come with me?”
“I’m sure Mom. I’m just going to read a little, and watch some TV.”
“Well, ok. I’ll be home in a couple of hours. Be good. Love ya.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
Jason said, as he gave his Mom a hug, and a kiss goodbye.
With that, his Mom walked out the front door. Jason watched as his Mom got in the car and drove off. As a precaution, he waited about ten minutes to make sure that his Mom would not come back, having forgotten something.
When ten minutes, which felt like a lifetime, went by, he headed up to his parents room and went straight to his mom’s dresser. He knew exactly which drawer to open, and quickly he took a bra and a pair of panties from the bottom of the pile. He would have liked to take a skirt and blouse, but he was too afraid to take these. A skirt or blouse would be missed much more readily then a single pair of panties. The bra was more dangerous, because his Mom did not have as many of them, but she did have a quite a few, and he hoped she would not miss one if he somehow did not get it back before she got home. He would have preferred to get them from the laundry hamper, but he had already checked and knew there were none currently in the laundry. His mother had already done the wash.
He took them back to his room. As soon as he was in his room, he closed the door, took off his clothes and put on the lingerie. Jason loved the feeling of the bra as he felt it hugging him tightly. He took some socks from his dresser and balled them up to stuff the bra, and he started to imagine real breasts to fill the bra, and a real vagina in his panties.
Jason did not know why he liked wearing his mother’s clothes, but try as he might, he could not help himself. He thought to himself that he dearly wished that he could have his own bras and panties, not to mention skirts, blouses and dresses. And don’t forget nightgowns, he thought. He felt guilty about stealing them from his mother but, at 14 years old, he could hardly go out and buy his own.
Jason liked girls, and the image in his mind of breasts and vaginas was very erotic. Between the sensations of the clothes and the images in his mind, Jason soon found he had to take care of the inevitable. He had to remove the panties, as ejaculating in them would definitely have caused him a big problem. When he had finished, the guilt hit full force. He thought to himself angrily, “What am I doing, I’m a boy! I should not be wearing my mother’s underwear, and should certainly not be masturbating while doing so!” He was filled with guilt and shame, and he quickly removed the bra, got dressed and brought them back to his mother’s room. He carefully folded them as they had been, and very carefully replaced them, trying to be sure that they were exactly the way they had been.
After about 15 minutes, the need started to fill him again. He tried to fight it, but it came on very strongly, and he soon found himself taking the bra and panty again. Back in his room, he quickly got re-dressed. He decided that he just couldn’t stand it anymore; he was going to risk it, and keep them. He tried to think of where to hide them. He went into his closet to see what would be the safest place. He found his art supply set. It was sort of like a briefcase, with pencils and paints in a plastic tray. The tray could be lifted out, and there was plenty of space below it, he thought it would make a good spot for his panty and bra.
It was getting late, and Jason knew his mother and father would both be home soon, so he reluctantly got changed, and put on his own underwear. He stashed the lingerie into its new home. The guilty feeling returned and he was considering putting them back when his mother came home.
“Jason, I’m home!”
Jason quickly went out, and his mother put him to work helping bring in the groceries that she had picked up on the way home. She then started to prepare dinner, and Jason set the table. His father got home soon after, and they had a quiet evening.
Jason went to bed, and was afraid that his mother would notice the missing underwear. He could not sleep, fearing that she would be in to accuse him any moment. However, he heard them come up to bed and after a while, he got up to use the bathroom and found that they were asleep.
When he got back to his room he quickly got changed. He decided he needed a nightgown too, so he used one of his largest t-shirts. As he got into bed lying face down, he felt the rolled up socks that were his breasts pushing into his chest. He was overcome with desire for the real thing. Before going to sleep he set his alarm to wake him at 5am, long before his parents would be up.
When the alarm rang, he instantly turned it off, and got up to change. He put his things into their hiding place, and went back to sleep.
When he got up in the morning, he was again half expecting his mother to come looking for the missing underwear. When she didn’t, he got up and went downstairs and got himself some breakfast. His mother came into the kitchen while he was eating, and he noticed that she was fully dressed for the day. So he knew she had to have been in her drawer. He braced himself for the “talk,” but it did not come.
Days went by, and the talk did not come, so Jason knew he had gotten away with it. On the one hand, he was glad that he had not been caught. On the other hand, he was really struggling with the guilt he was feeling about stealing from his mother. Jason had a very good relationship with both his parents. They were great parents, and he hated lying to them.
Eventually, Jason could not take it anymore. He decided he had to talk to his mother about his need. It wasn’t easy, and he was afraid of what she would say. He was even more afraid to have his father find out.
He finally worked up the nerve, and he went to his mom, and said “Mom, I need to talk to you.”
“Sure, honey, what’s up?”
“I think I might be gay.”
“Oh… Are you attracted to a boy?”
“No, nothing like that.”
“Ok… Are you attracted to girls?”
“Yes”
“Hmmm… Well then what makes you think you are gay?”
“It has to do with clothes.”
“Clothes?” his Mom asked, with a puzzled look on her face.
“Girl’s clothes. I love to wear girl’s clothes.”
“Do you want to be a girl?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Have you worn girls clothes? What kind of clothes, and where did you get them?”
“Yes. They were yours, usually from the hamper. Bras, panties mostly, but also skirts.”
“I see.”
“I’m sorry Mom, I just can’t help myself. Are you going to tell Dad?”
“I have to, honey, I can’t keep something like this a secret from him. You know that we love you, and we will figure out what to do about this. Stay here.”
Jason’s mom left him, and soon his father came in. “Well, Jason, your Mom tells me that you and she just had a little chat. I’m disappointed that you would ask her to keep this from me. You know that I love you, no matter what.”
“I know, Dad, but it’s hard. I know that I’m your son, and I don’t want to hurt you or Mom.”
“Jason, you should never feel like you have to keep something from either your mother or me. I’m not saying I understand what you are feeling, but I can tell you that everyone wonders from time to time what it would be like to be the opposite sex.”
“I think about it a lot, Dad.”
With that, Jason’s mom knocked and asked if she could come in. His dad replied, “Come on in, Kristine.”
“Richard, I think that we are going to need to get some expert advice on how to handle this situation. Jason, I’m going to contact Dr. Adams, I’d like to have him talk to you about this.”
Jason looked frightened, “Do you have to, Mom?”
“Yes, honey, I’m afraid we do. Don’t worry. He has been your doctor since you were born, and I’m sure he will be very discreet about it.”
“Ok, Mom.”
Chapter 2
“Well, Jason, why don’t you tell me why your Mom wanted us to talk?” Dr. Adams asked.
Jason was sitting in Dr. Adam’s main lobby on one of the comfortable chairs. It was in the evening, after the normal office hours. His mother and father had gone to get some coffee to give Dr. Adams and Jason time to talk.
“I’m sure Mom told you,” Jason replied clearly embarrassed.
“She did. But I’d like to hear about it from you. Don’t worry, Jason, while I don’t see much of this in my pediatric practice, I know enough to know that you are not the only one who feels the way you do.”
“Really, Doctor. There are other people like me? Boys that like to wear women’s clothing?”
“Yes. But there are quite a few variations on it, and I’d like to try and figure out where you seem to fit.”
“Oh. Ok. I’m not really sure what to tell you. I just can’t help myself. I get an overwhelming desire to put on Mom’s clothes. I can’t take it, and then when I do, I feel so bad for stealing them.”
“Ok, is it your mother’s clothing that you want, or just women’s clothing in general? I mean to say, if you could go to the store and buy your own women’s clothing would that satisfy the need, or does it need to be your Mom’s?”
“I would much prefer to have my own. If they were mine, I wouldn’t have to feel so guilty, because I wouldn’t be stealing from Mom.”
“What kind of clothing would you want?”
“All kinds. I would love to be able to wear a skirt. It drives me crazy, girls get to wear them, and most of them never do anymore!”
“Your mother tells me that you mostly have worn her underwear.”
“Well, I really like bras. There is nothing that is more feminine then a bra. I wish I had breasts.”
“Do you want to be a girl, then?”
“I think about it a lot. I don’t know if I would like it or not. Some things about being a boy are pretty nice, but I’d sure love to give being a girl a try!”
“How do you get along with the other boys?”
“Ok, I guess. I have some good friends.”
“Are you attracted to them?”
“Oh, no. Not at all, Dr. Adams!” Jason was quite adamant about this fact.
“Ok, Jason. Do you ever masturbate when you are dressed?”
Jason turned red, but answered, “Yes.”
“Don’t be embarrassed, Jason; it’s a natural behavior. What are you thinking about when you do?”
“Girls that I know. Usually, I fantasize about being abducted by aliens, and being forced to switch places, so she is me, and I am her.”
“So, you fantasize about being a woman with a man?”
“I fantasize about being a woman with me, but also with me with her as herself. It’s confusing sometimes.”
Dr. Adams chuckled, “I guess you need a program to help you keep track. I’m sorry, Jason; I don’t mean to laugh at you. Actually, I have to tell you, I am very impressed that you were able to go to your Mom and tell her. It speaks very highly for the trust you have in your parents. Many people like yourself are not so lucky.”
“I love them, and I know they love me. I hated lying to them. I figured it couldn’t really be any worse for them to know. Although if they had gone ballistic, which I was afraid of, I’m not sure what I would have done. It would have made it very difficult, since I don’t think I can quit doing this.”
“Have they given you permission to continue?”
“No, but Mom hasn’t tried to take back the bra and panty I took.”
“Did you tell her that you have them?”
“No, not exactly. I guess I didn’t. I don’t know what I will do if they make me give them back. I don’t want to steal from her, but I don’t think I can stop.”
“I don’t know whether you can or not. This is not my area of expertise, as you know. I have some thoughts on the subject, but I think you should speak to someone that is very familiar with transgender issues.”
“Transgender?”
“Transgender is a generic term for many types of people that are not comfortable with their physical gender, or gender role. There are psychologists that have made a career out of helping transgender people.”
“So you are saying that I am crazy, I need a shrink.” Jason started to get upset.
“No, Jason, not crazy. Psychologists help people that are confused, or need a little help understanding themselves. You are most definitely not crazy, but you are most definitely having some transgender issues. So you could use some help figuring out what is right for you, and a psychologist that is strong in that area would be of considerable help to you.”
Jason calmed down and said “Ok Doctor. If you think it will help. Will that cure me?”
“If you mean by that make you quit cross dressing, I don’t know. I’m not even sure that that should be the goal for you. One way or the other though, I hope you will come away feeling better about yourself in the end. But, Jason, I must say to you, you are NOT sick. You don’t need to be ‘cured.’ You need a little help in getting in touch with yourself and who you really are.”
“Ok.”
“I see your mom and dad just pulled in the parking lot. I will need to talk to them in private for a few minutes. Why don’t you go play the video game for a little while.”
“Sure, thanks, Dr. Adams. I really appreciate this talk, I feel a lot better.”
“You’re welcome, Jason.”
Chapter 3
The ride home was quiet. Jason could not read his parents’ expressions after they had spoken with Dr. Adams. When they got home, Jason went into his room and picked up a book to read. A short time later, his mother and father came in and sat on the bed next to him.
“Jason, we need to talk to you,” his mother said.
“Ok, Mom.”
“As you know Dr. Adams has suggested that we take you to see a psychologist that specializes in helping people with transgender issues. He also told us that we should not get our hopes up that this is something that would likely go away, or that you would grow out of. Even with treatment, he said, the odds are that you will always feel this need. I’m not sure that I accept that, and I am going to reserve my judgment on it until we have met with Dr. Daniels. In the meantime, I understand that you have some underwear that you took from me. Dr. Adams suggested that for the moment that I should let you have them. You may have them, but I want you to promise me that you will not take or use anything else of mine. No more sneaking into my drawer or the laundry; is that clear.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“In addition, I don’t want them hidden, so please get them from wherever they are hidden and put them in your underwear drawer. And they need to be washed when they have been worn.”
“But I only have one of each.”
“Jason, I expect you, at least for now to try to resist wearing them at all. I am allowing you to keep them, because Dr. Adams says that if I take them from you, you might be unable to control yourself from stealing something else from me. I don’t want you to have to do that, if you simply must do this.”
“Yes ma’am. I’m sorry that I have disappointed you.”
“Jason, we love you, and you have not disappointed me.” She nodded to Jason’s father, who nodded his agreement. Then she continued, “I don’t understand this at all, but I love you, and we will meet with Dr. Daniels and try to figure out what is best for you. It may be that I will have to accept that this is who you are. If so, I will still love you. But I can’t say that it doesn’t worry me. I want you to be happy, and, someday, to find someone to share your life with. You tell me that you are not interested in boys, so you are not gay, but it will be very difficult for you to find a woman that will want to be with you if you are dressed as a woman yourself. That saddens me.”
“Mom, Dad, I love you both. I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt or worry either of you. I don’t understand it all myself, I just know that I need to do this. I will try to control it, but I have tried before, and just haven’t been able to. I will try again. When will we be meeting with Dr. Daniels?”
“I have to call and make an appointment with him.”
“Ok.”
“All right, it is getting pretty late. Why don’t you get ready for bed, and call it a night. I will call Dr. Daniels tomorrow and get an appointment.”
“Thanks Mom. Love you.” Jason hugs his mother, and then turning to his father, says, “I love you too, Dad.” He and his father exchanged a quick hug as well. “Good night.”
Chapter 4
When Jason got home from school the next day, his mother told him that she had made an appointment with Dr. Daniels for the following Wednesday. When Jason went into his room, he found that his mother had washed the panty and bra, and placed them in his underwear drawer. He couldn’t believe they were really his now, and that they belonged in his drawer. He just had to reach out and touch them, as if to make certain they were really there.
Jason was hit with an incredible desire to put them on right then and there, but he knew his mother would be very disappointed, and he resolved to try to resist as long as he could. With great effort, he closed the drawer and got started on his homework. His mother came in to check on him in a little while. “Jason, how was school today?”
“It was ok,” he replied.
“Do you have a lot of homework tonight?” his mom asked.
“Not really. Just some math, and some reading,” he answered. “I’m actually almost done with the math, and it is only a few pages in the Social Studies book.”
“Good. Did you notice I washed your ‘things’ and put them in your underwear drawer.” Her face looked pained as she said the word ‘things.’
“Yes, I noticed. Thank you.” Jason said quietly. “It is driving me crazy having them so close, and not being able to wear them. I know how much that hurts you, Mom, and I will try very hard to resist the temptation.”
“Oh Jason, I’m not trying to torture you. I guess it is a little like leaving a bottle of 20-year-old scotch just out of reach of an alcoholic. I would take them out of here, but then my things are just as close by. I don’t know, Jason; I just am so confused. What did your father and I do that brought this out in you? What should we have done differently?”
“Mom, I don’t know much about this yet, but Dr. Adams implied that it is not that uncommon. As far as I’m concerned you and Dad are the best parents anyone could ask for. I don’t know why I feel this way; I’m hoping that Dr. Daniels can help me to understand it myself. But I do know that I really don’t believe it has anything to do with you and Dad. I just can’t see how that is possible.”
“Well, I guess we are just going to have to take it a day at a time and see where this leads. Your father and I will be behind you, no matter what happens. I know it is hard, but I am going to ask you to keep trying to resist, for now. But, Jason, I don’t want you to torment yourself. If you are really tearing your hair out, then do what you have to, I’m not going to get mad at you.”
“Thanks, Mom, that actually helps.”
Jason made it through about three days before he just couldn’t take it any more. Each morning he woke up, and getting a clean pair of underwear out of his drawer, he would see the panty and bra and it was driving him up the wall. Finally, on Saturday morning, he just could not take it any more. He put on his bathrobe and went out and found his mother was in the kitchen having her morning coffee.
“Mom, I can’t take this anymore! I have tried, but I can’t go another day like this.”
“Ok, Jason.”
“Ok?”
“Jason, I told you I would not be angry with you, and that I did not want you to torment yourself. You have done very well, and I appreciate the effort that has gone into it. If you need to, you need to. We do have some errands to run today, but they can wait a little while. I would think you probably would not want to go out with bra straps showing under your t-shirt.”
“No, I don’t think that would be a very good idea.”
“Well, it is ten o’clock now; let’s plan on leaving by noon. Why don’t you take a quick shower, and then get dressed until it is time to go.”
“Thanks Mom. Do I have to stay in my room?”
“No dear. I may have to get used to this, so you may as well come on out.”
“Thanks.”
Jason raced into the bathroom, and very quickly took a shower. Once finished he went into his room and quickly put on his clothes. As soon as the bra was on, he could feel himself starting to relax. He thought about stuffing the bra, and decided not to push it. He knew his Mom was doing something that was very difficult for her, and did not want to make it any harder then it was.
Still he could not keep the smile off his face. He finished getting dressed, and then tentatively went back to the kitchen.
“Come on in, Jason. I’m not going to bite. You don’t really look that different. Since I know you have it on, I can see it, but would probably not even notice otherwise. Oops, when you turn around, I can definitely see the straps outlined. I would not suggest that you go out with that on. But I have to admit, you seem more relaxed and frankly happy then I have seen you in months.”
Jason blushed at the thought that his mother could see his bra straps, but he said “Mom, I just feel so comfortable right now. And I could feel the stress flowing from my body, as I got dressed. It just feels so right to me.”
“Well, if you continue this way, tell me a bra is comfortable on a hot, humid summer day, and we will see how you feel then!”
“Oh I understand that, and, really, that isn’t what I mean by comfortable anyway. It is more like I feel comfortable with myself, like I’m not hiding the real me. I know that probably doesn’t make sense to you, but it just is a very strong feeling for me.”
“I may not understand why dressing like that is making you feel like that, but I think I understand what you mean. Why don’t you fix yourself some breakfast; I’m sure you are hungry. Then, since you can’t go out and cut the grass dressed that way, you can help me inside with my chores.”
“Ok, Mom.” Jason grabbed a bowl, the milk and some cereal.
“Jason, I will admit, I’m curious.”
“About what?” he answered between bites of cereal.
“Well, I know that you have occasionally worn a skirt or blouse of mine. But you said that was fairly rare.”
“Yes, only if I could find something in the laundry. I was too afraid I would wrinkle or mess up something from your closet, and since you usually do the laundry Saturday morning, it was rare that I would have an opportunity. But I really loved it when it would happen.”
“I see. So you usually would wear them with your clothes? You really look no different dressed this way, unless you look very close.”
“Well, I would do some other things to appear more feminine,” he turned red as he answered his mother. “Plus it didn’t matter what I looked like, as much as what I felt like.”
“I see. I guess it would be hard to ignore the fact that you are wearing a bra. I barely even notice mine now; of course I would notice if I were not wearing one, but you don’t have breasts.”
“No, but I would fake them.”
“Oh, what did you use to stuff your bra?”
“Just rolled up socks. It was all that I had.”
“Why didn’t you do that this morning?”
“I did not want to push you too much. I know that this is really hard for you, and I did not want to make it any harder.”
“I see. Jason, go stuff your bra.”
“Mom, it’s Ok.”
“Jason, I don’t know what is going to happen in the future. We may ultimately reach a point where you move past this need, or I may ultimately have to get used to you as my daughter. If it is a possibility that you are going to be my daughter, then maybe I better start getting to know you. Besides, you are more likely to resist the temptation if, when you do get to do so, it is fully satisfactory. Now, please go stuff your bra.”
“Yes Ma’am.”
When Jason returned, his mother looked him over, and said, “Well, now you look a little more like a girl. But those rolled up socks are a bit lumpy, and they don’t move quite right. Obviously, if we do decide to explore this direction further, we will have to do something about that. For this morning though, that will do. Are you finished with breakfast?”
“Yes, I’ve had enough.”
“Ok, then why don’t you start by cleaning the kitchen? I’m going to go work on the laundry.”
“Sure, but what do you want me to do?”
“Well to start with, the things in the dishwasher are clean, put them away, and then take this morning’s breakfast dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Then clean the counter tops. Make sure you do under the toaster; there are bound to be plenty of crumbs there. When the counters are done, sweep and mop the floor.”
“Ok.”
Jason got to work, and was just about done mopping the floor when his mom came in. “Very good, Jason, thank you for helping me. We still have about 45 minutes, why don’t you take the guest bathroom, and I’ll do the upstairs one. If you finish up and have time, run the vacuum in the living room.”
Jason was finishing up the living room when his Mom called out, “Jason, great job, but it’s time to get moving. I’m afraid you have to go get changed. Hand me your lingerie after you take it off, I’m just about to run that through the wash.”
Jason reluctantly agreed and went into his room and got changed. He came out, handed his bra and panty to his mother, and said “Thank you, Mom, I really enjoyed this morning.”
“You’re welcome, Jason. And thank you, I appreciate the help you gave me this morning.”
“You’re welcome, Mom. What are the errands that we have to run?”
“I need to go to the grocery store. And then we are going to stop at the mall; we need to pick up a few things there.
Chapter 5
That night Jason reflected on the day. He had very much enjoyed the morning, working with his mother dressed at least in part as her daughter. He now knew for certain that no matter what happened after he started meeting with Dr. Daniels, that his parents would accept him.
He had been mildly disappointed that the trip to the mall had been only to pick up a gift, card and wrapping paper for his young cousin’s birthday. He had fantasized that his mother would add to his wardrobe, now that she had seen how much he needed this part of himself. Still, he understood how difficult this morning had been for his mother, and he was determined to make this as easy as possible for her.
Sunday morning he woke up and got ready to go to his cousin’s birthday party. As he put on his dress shirt and slacks, he wished he could have a nice party dress to wear instead. “Maybe next year,” he thought to himself. “I guess that really depends on what happens when I meet Dr. Daniels.”
On the way to the party, he asked, “Mom, you haven’t mentioned anything about, um, well you know, to Grandma and Grandpa or any of the rest of the family have you?”
“No, Jason. I don’t think it is necessary for them to know about that yet. I think we need to see how things go with Dr. Daniels before we make any decisions on telling them about it.”
“Jason, your mother and I will love and support you, no matter what happens. In the end, so will your Grandmother and Grandfather, but it will take some doing to bring them around. Aunt Sally will be fine, she is pretty liberal, and has a number of gay and lesbian friends. I suspect however, that your Aunt Jessica will have a total conniption, should she find out. She will start misquoting scripture, and condemn you to eternal damnation. She is not a very tolerant person.”
“I know Dad. I’ve heard her go off on all kinds of people. I guess that is why I was a little nervous about going to their house right now.”
“I doubt you would be welcome at their house if she knew, Jason. Which would almost be a blessing.” His father said with a grin.
“Richard! Is that any way to talk about your sister?” his mother said, although she had a grin on her face as she said it.
“Well she was alright until she met Bob. You can be certain that he would not allow Jason in his home, if he were to find out.”
“Dad, do you think they might be right. Maybe I am committing some huge sin.” Jason asked, looking upset.
“Jason, I don’t claim to know why you have this need to do this. But you are 14 years old, and from what you have told us this has been going on for several years already. You didn’t start this because it was ‘wrong.’ Something inside has made you this way. Maybe you can learn to overcome it. Maybe not. If you can, then that would help you because in this society, this is going to cause you problems. If not, then you will have to learn to deal with those problems. Either way, this does not seem to me to be something you ‘chose’ to do, and if that is the case, then my belief is that God made you this way. I just cannot bring myself to believe that a just god would do that to you and then ask you to spend your entire life trying to fight this need. The God I believe in is not that cruel. And I don’t care how many Old Testament quotes your Aunt Jessica throws out at me.”
“I agree with your father. I simply do not believe that God cares at all about the man-made artifact of clothes and which ones you wear. I’m sure he cares about how you use the body that he gave you, but he also gave you your mind. So no, I don’t think they are right.”
“Ok. I hope you are right, because I really don’t want to go to hell.” Jason said.
“Jason, if this is cause for God to send a 14 year old boy to hell, then he is not worthy of our worship or respect.” Jason’s father said passionately. “I’m sorry Jason, I don’t mean to sound disrespectful. I just get really upset about people that are so self-righteous and think that they have all the answers, and use that to look down or judge others. And I am overly sensitive to it, where my sister is concerned.”
“Well Richard, lets not borrow trouble. Jessica has no reason to know about what Jason is going through, and we aren’t going to give her one for now.”
“Agreed.”
“Yes Ma’am” Jason replied.
“Jason, just to be sure, you aren’t wearing anything right now are you?” Jason’s mother asked?
“No, it was tempting, particularly for the panties, as they would not show, but I was good.”
“That is good because here we are.”
Chapters 6 - 10. This is the story of Jason, a young boy coming to terms with his transgender nature. Helped by his mostly supportive family.
Chapter 6.
Jason and his family walked into his Aunt Jessica’s home, and found everyone already in the living room.
Jason, his mother and father, all said, “Happy Birthday, Billy!”
Jason’s Mom added, “Four years old today! What a big boy you are getting to be.”
As Jason was making the rounds and saying hello to his Aunts and Uncles, a young girl, about seven came running up to him and shouted, “Jason! Are you going to play with me?”
“Of course I will Emily. But you have to remember that today is Billy’s birthday, not yours, so I have to make plenty of time for him too.”
Jason’s Aunt Sally said to her daughter, “Jason is right Emily, I’m sure you and he will have plenty of time, when Billy takes his nap.”
“That’s ok.”
Billy’s older brother Tom came in and said, “Hey Jason. How’s it going?”
“Fine, Tom. Heard your football team won the championship this year. Congratulations.”
“Yeah, we did. Thanks. How did your team do?”
“I really don’t care much for football; I played soccer instead, we finished third.”
“Whatever,” Tom said with obvious disdain, and then added, “well, see ya, I’m going up to my room to play some X-box.”
Jason frowned for a moment, then put on a smile and turned back to Billy and Emily. “So what would you two like to do? Billy, it’s your birthday, so you choose.”
“Wanna play with cars.”
“That sounds like fun. Emily, do you want to join us?”
“Ok.”
Jason took Emily and Billy by the hand and went with them into the playroom in the basement. There he found Billy’s collection of toy cars. He got the box down off the shelf.
Billy, Emily and Jason proceeded to play with the tiny cars for about an hour or so. Billy was starting to get glassy eyed, when his mother came in to get him.
Aunt Jessica said, “Billy, it is time for you to take a nap.”
“Don’t wanna!”
“Billy, you do what your mother tells you to do, or I won’t be able to play with you any more!”
“Oh, ok.” Billy said with a pout on his face.
“Thanks Jason,” his Aunt Jessica said with a smile.
“No problem, Aunt Jessica.”
“So Emily, what would you like to do now?”
“We could play with my Dolly?”
“If you like.” Jason settled down with Emily and followed her lead, playing with her.
A little while later, Tom came into the room.
“Dolls, Jason? You don’t like football, and you play with dolls. Sheesh.”
“What’s your problem Tom? I’m just being a good cousin.”
“Boys don’t play with dolls.”
“Tom, don’t be an idiot,” Jason replied. “Emily doesn’t have anyone else to play with, and this is what she wants to do. I played cars with Billy because that is what he wanted to do.”
“Whatever.” Tom sneered back at him.
“Why shouldn’t Jason play dolls with me,” asked Emily?
“Because dolls are for girls. Boys don’t play with dolls!” Tom said.
Emily looked puzzled, “What do you mean, my friend Christopher plays with his He-man and GI-Joe dolls, and he is a boy.”
“Those aren’t dolls, they are action figures,” said Tom. “It’s not the same. He probably stages battles and fights wars with them; he doesn’t have tea parties and play dress up with them.”
“Yes he does, he is always changing his uniform, and his accessories. How is that any different?” Emily was completely confused.
“It just is. I’m sure he would not want to play with your dolls.” Tom said.
“Tom you are being ridiculous. I’ve seen Emily and Christopher play, and they set up elaborate plots. GI Joe sometimes does sit down with Barbie and have tea, but then they go off and get involved in some international intrigue. Emily’s Barbie could give James Bond a run for his money.”
“I’m sure.”
“Was there something you wanted when you came in here Tom, or did you just come to be a pain in the butt?” asked Jason.
“I’m just getting my baseball glove; I’m going to hang out with some friends.” Tom got his glove and left.
“Why is he such a jerk?” Emily asked.
“I don’t know Emily, don’t worry about Tom. He doesn’t know what he is talking about.” Jason replied. “Forget him; let’s get back to our game.”
The rest of the afternoon passed without incident. After dinner, cake and the opening of Billy’s presents, Kristine said, “Ok, Jason it is time to head home.” Jason nodded, and said goodnight to his Aunt and Uncle, Billy and even Tom.
Richard pulled his sister Sally aside and asked her, “Do you have to head straight home, or can you come by our house for a bit?”
Sally gave him a bit of a questioning look, but responded, “It’s pretty much on the way, so we could stop by for a little while.”
“Thanks Sally. We will meet you there.” Richard replied.
Chapter 7
Jason was quiet as they got into the car to head home. He was thinking about how Tom had acted earlier today, he knew without question that Tom would never accept him if he found out. Moreover, he knew that Tom’s attitudes were just a reflection of his parents. Knowing that once they find out that he will probably never be able to see Billy again hurt.
“What’s the matter, Jason?” his mother asked.
“I’m just thinking about how sad it is that I may lose touch with Billy. Tom jumped all over me today just for playing with Emily and her dolls. I wasn’t thinking about being a girl, just Emily’s older cousin. I like that Emily and Billy enjoy my company. Is there anything wrong with that?”
“Of course not Jason. It’s true though that most boys your age would rather go out and play with other boys their age, then hang out with their younger cousins,” his mother said.
“Mom, I like going out and playing ball. And I would have had a good time if I had gone and played with Tom and his pals, but Billy and Emily would have been disappointed, and I would hate to do that to them. I don’t see them every day, I can always go play ball with my friends.” Jason replied.
His mother nodded, “I understand, Jason. But you know that may just be another manifestation of the whole thing. You are much more nurturing then a typical boy your age. That is not a bad thing, in fact it makes you special, and if that is part of what is going on here, I would not want to do anything that would change that part of you.”
“Dad, why did you ask Aunt Sally to stop at our house?”
“Your mother and I talked it over, and we would like to talk to her about you. Sally is very liberal, and she is friends with lots of people that lead ‘alternative’ lifestyles. If things go the way that Dr. Adams thinks they will, then her contacts may be able to assist us. There is no doubt in my mind that she will be very supportive to you, no matter what path turns out to be right for you. I am also confident that she will be discrete for now.”
“Oh. You really think she will accept me?”
“Jason, it will be far easier for her then it is for your mother and me.”
“I’m sorry Dad. I don’t want to be a disappointment to you.” Jason said in a small voice.
“Jason, I keep telling you, you are not a disappointment to me, or your mother. It may not be easy, but you are our son, and we love you, no matter what. It is just going to take some adjustment on our part to fully accept this.”
With that, they pulled into the driveway at Jason’s house, and went inside.
They all headed into the living room. Jason’s mom and Aunt Sally put together a tray of soft drinks and brought them in.
Sally said, “Ok, Richard what did you want to talk about?”
Richard looked at Jason and Emily. “Emily, I need to talk to your mom for a little bit about a private matter, but I need Jason to be a part of it. Can you go play in the rec room for a while on your own? Jason will be in, in a little bit.”
“Ok, I guess, Uncle Richard.”
“Jason, take her in, and come on back please.”
Sally raised her eyebrow, but did not say anything. A few minutes later, Jason returned.
“So, what is this about, Richard?” Sally asked?
“Jason recently admitted to us that he is transgender. We are not really certain yet as to whether he is a cross-dresser or a Trans-sexual. He actually is going to be seeing a psychologist starting on Wednesday. Knowing some of your friends, I was wondering if you had any advice you might be able to give us.”
“Well, that is a bit of a surprise. Jason, come here.”
Jason walked over to his Aunt. Sally reached out and gave him a great big hug. “I want you to know right now that no matter what happens, I love you. You will get nothing but love and affection from Emily and I.”
“Thanks, Aunt Sally. I really appreciate that.”
“Jason, I’m not going to lie to you, it is not an easy life. Depending on just how far you need to take this, it can be very difficult. You have the advantage that your parents will love you whatever happens. Many young people in your position are not so lucky. Can you imagine what would happen if Tom told his parents such a thing?” she asked?
“Yes, I can imagine it. I think about how they are going to react to me, which would be a drop in the bucket to what they would do to Tom.” He said.
“Well, lets hope Tom is not harboring any secrets. Or if he does that he has the sense to keep them secrets for now.” She said. “But enough about Tom. If he is transgender is he is certainly doing his best to over compensate. Emily told me about the way he went after you today. That boy is going to be a problem soon. His father has pushed those ideas on him, and Jessica has bought into it all.”
“In any case, Richard, to answer your question, I do have some contacts, but I think that it is best for you to start out with the psychologist. Assuming of course that you have one that is truly knowledgeable about Transgender issues. If he starts talking to you about treatments to ‘cure him’, before he really, really gets to know Jason, run, don’t walk away. Now, I’m not saying that there is no chance that Jason can work through this and get beyond this. But in my experience, limited as it is, most of the time, suppressing the need leads to depression and worse.”
“Dr. Adams, Jason’s pediatrician, said that Dr. Daniels is highly respected in the area of Transgender problems.” Richard told her.
“Dr. Daniels? Dr. William Daniels?” she asked.
“Yes, I think that is his name.” Kristine answered.
“Jason’s in good hands then. I’ve never met him, but I know of him. Definitely work with Dr. Daniels first. Once we know more of what Jason is dealing with I can introduce him to the right people.” Sally said.
“Thank you Sally,” both Richard and Kristine replied. Jason gave her a hug and said, “Thanks Aunt Sally, it is nice to know that I have your support too. Now, Dad, can I go back to Emily, I don’t want her feelings to be hurt.”
“Run along.”
Chapter 8
“So Jason, can you tell me when you first started wearing your mother’s clothes?” Doctor Daniels asked.
“I don’t remember exactly, but I was probably 4 or 5. Mom was not home, my Grandmother was watching me. I remember seeing a bra in the hamper in the bathroom and reaching out to touch it, and trying to figure out how to put it on.” Jason replied.
“And then what?”
“I don’t really remember too much after that, and I don’t remember doing it too many other times after that until a couple of years ago.” Jason answered.
“What happened then?”
“Well, Mom had to run an errand, and I was watching a show, she let me stay at home. When she was gone, I started to feel a strong need to try on a bra again. It had been quite a long time, but I was remembering what it had felt like, and I just needed to do it. I went into the hamper and found some panties and a bra, and put them on. I could not believe how good it felt.”
Dr. Daniels asked, “In what way?”
“I felt, I don’t know, relaxed, but also excited, and well… aroused. And then I felt a little guilty because I felt aroused, but I just could not stop.”
“What did you find arousing?”
“I’m not sure. I was thinking about breasts filling out the bra, and other things in the panties.”
“Your mother’s breasts and vagina?”
“No... I mean sure, I knew these were hers, but I was not thinking about that, I was thinking of my own, or some of the girls at school.”
“Did you masturbate?”
“Not intentionally, I really had not done that before, but basically I did, without realizing it.”
“What happened then?”
“I felt really, really guilty. I did not really know what I had done, but I was sure I should not have done it. I took everything off, cleaned up as best I could and put everything back in the hamper. Then I swore I would never, ever do anything so stupid again.”
“How long did that last?”
“A few weeks, but then I just could not help myself, and found myself doing it again. Eventually I got brave enough to even go into Mom’s drawers when there was nothing in the hamper. But I love my parents and I hated lying to them, and I hated stealing from my Mom. I finally took a bra and panty and kept it, and then I just felt awful with the guilt from that, till I finally had to tell Mom, a few weeks ago.”
“How did she handle being told this?”
“Well she was concerned, but she did not punish me. She and my dad took me to see Dr. Adams. We had a good talk about it, and he suggested that I come speak to you, to learn more about myself.”
“I’m glad that you and your parents have a strong relationship. That will be very helpful for you.”
“I asked Dr. Adams if you would be able to cure me, and he said he was not sure whether that was the right thing for me or not. What do you think?” Jason asked?
Dr. Daniels put his hands together and replied “Jason, it is too soon to tell what the correct path for you will be. I think the word cure is wrong, because I don’t think that you are sick. What I am going to try to do is work with you to help you to decide what is right. Now let me ask you another question. Are you only interested in wearing girl’s clothes when you masturbate, or do you want to wear them when you are not aroused?”
“Doctor Daniels, if I could throw away all of my boys clothes and start wearing only girls clothes, I would do it in a heartbeat. Pretty much the only time I could do it before was when I could sneak them, and I would get excited, and have to do that. But last Saturday, I told my Mom that I could not take it anymore, and she gave me permission to get dressed. I felt so relaxed, and I did not get aroused. I helped Mom with the cleaning and spent the morning just helping out. It was great.”
Dr. Daniels asked many more questions and Jason answered as best he could. Towards the end of the session, the doctor asked Jason to wait in the waiting room while he spoke with his parents.
“Jason is a very nice, well mannered young man. You should be proud of him. I know that you are concerned about his cross-dressing, as well you should be. But it is clear that you have a strong family, and you will all come through this just fine. It is too early for me to give you a diagnosis. However, here are some observations.”
Jason’s mother and father, nodded their understanding, and waited for the doctor to continue.
“First, Jason began cross-dressing in earnest as puberty started to kick in. He had done it occasionally as a younger child, but it got tied with his earliest self exploration of masturbation, as such it has the risk of becoming a quite strong fetish for him. However it is more than that. Jason told me about his spending the morning with you on Saturday, dressed, which was completely non-sexual. I think that is actually good for him at this point. We want to disassociate the cross-dressing with sexual response. Before now, you combined the imagery of the appropriate body parts, and the thrill of taboo, and risk of getting caught, and that is quite a powerful thing to a 12-14 year old. By making dressing non-taboo, and just clothes, the link to sex will go away. Then from there we can determine if Jason really wants to be a girl, or just to dress like one once in a while. He may even get to be bored with it, and move on, although I must caution you, that it is rare.”
Jason’s mother asks, “So you want me to encourage him to dress?”
“Not necessarily encourage, but certainly don’t discourage it. There needs to be guidelines as to when, but I think that having him help you Saturday mornings is probably a good start. You could also have him help you in the evenings. You want to normalize the behavior, don’t force him, but I really don’t think you will have to twist his arm, at least at first. Later on, he may get tired of it, he may not, but we will have to play that by ear, and I will keep seeing him.”
“How far do we go with this? Just the underwear or full outfits? What about makeup and the rest? And do I make him change into boys clothes for bed?”
“I would start somewhat small, but certainly the underwear, and yes I would buy him a couple of outfits suitable for working around the house. No, if he wants to sleep in his girls clothes, let him, get him a basic nightgown. Don’t make it taboo. He will certainly still masturbate with them, but if it is not taboo, he will fairly quickly stop focusing on the clothes, and concentrate more on whomever he is currently finding arousing.”
“Make sure that when he is dressed as a girl, that he gets treated like a girl. He needs to understand that being a girl is more than just getting to wear different clothing. That girls are treated differently and have different expectations put upon them. Can you do this? Both of you?” Dr. Daniels asked.
Kristine looked at Richard, and he said, “Doctor, I love my son. I don’t understand this at all, but I will love him and support him no matter what. But I have to play devil’s advocate here. If we do this, are we not pretty much making the decision that Jason is never going to move past this? He is going to get so comfortable with it that it will just be what he wears? And then what, how is he ever going to find someone to spend his life with. That is what Kristine and I are afraid of. And what if he decides he wants to go all the way and have surgery?”
“Richard, it is much too soon to worry about surgery. So far, Jason strikes me as much more likely to be a cross-dresser then a trans-sexual, but again it is too soon to tell. If Jason gets that comfortable, then frankly in my experience he was never going to move past it. If you force Jason to ‘quit,’ he will continue to find ways to sneak around. And he will feel terribly guilty about it, as he has already shown. That cannot lead to anything good, believe me I have seen enough of that, and you do not want that for Jason. The other possibility is that once the ‘thrill’ goes out of it that he will move on. I can’t tell you which is going to happen yet, but in my opinion this is the best thing you can do for Jason.”
Kristine takes Richards’s hand, “Honey, I think that it is worth a try. I don’t want Jason to have to feel guilty. Maybe he will get tired of it, but if not, then we will take it from there. Doctor. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Mrs. Anderson. I’d like to see Jason every Wednesday for the next few months, until we see how this is working. Same time next week?”
“That will be fine Doctor.” Kristine replied.
“Then I will see him next week, good night.”
“Good night.”
Chapter 9
The ride home that night was quiet. It was kind of late, so the Anderson’s stopped for a quick dinner at a local diner. They discussed school, the upcoming baseball season and basically avoided the topic of what was discussed during Jason’s session with Dr. Daniels.
When they got home, it was time for Jason to get ready for bed. He gave his Mom and Dad a kiss and a hug goodnight, and went off to bed.
Richard and Kristine went to their own room and closed the door, and turned on the TV to make sure that it would be difficult for Jason to over hear their conversation.
“So Richard, are you going to be ok with this?” Kristine asked.
“I meant what I said to Dr. Daniels, Kris, you know that.” he replied.
“I know, Rich, but seeing him dressed up at night. Saturdays are not such a problem for you since you are working most of the time, but you won’t be able to avoid it if we allow it during the week.”
“It will take some getting used to hon, but I can handle it. How about you? You told me it was really, really hard on Saturday.”
“Yes, it was, particularly at first. Of course, I split up our work so we would be in different rooms, which gave me some time to get myself together, but I have to admit, he just looked so much more at peace when he came in to the kitchen, that I could not have done anything else.” She admitted, and then went on, “he is going to want a skirt. Even though it is just for hanging around the house, and most girls his age would just wear jeans, sweats or shorts, he will want a skirt. That is going to be a little bit hard and to see him with ‘sock’ breasts, oh my… If we are going to do this, we really will need to do something better than that.”
Richard replied, “I would say we start off slow, pick him up a couple of outfits, including some girls blouses, and proper clothing for around the house, and get him one ‘nice’ outfit he can wear here for Saturday and Sunday night dinner. Enough underwear for a week, or perhaps two weeks, so that it does not have to be washed every day, and as Dr. Daniels said a basic night gown, and he will need to have a bath robe. If I’m supposed to treat him like a girl, then he should not be running from the shower to his room in underwear anymore.”
“That makes sense. Should I just go buy them, or should I take him with me?” She asked.
Richard thought for a moment and replied, “I think he should go with you. He won’t be able to try things on, because there is no way anyone will believe he is a girl, but he should have some say in what you get, within reason of course.”
“All right then, I will take him out tomorrow after school. Are you going to call Sally and let her know what Dr. Daniels said, or do you want me to talk to her. You know she is probably going crazy wondering how it went.”
“I will call her in the morning on my way into work, it’s a bit late for tonight, you know that Emily wakes up when the phone rings, so I’m sure she won’t be expecting to hear from us tonight.”
“Ok, thanks. We should probably think about having her and Emily over for dinner soon. I don’t think that Emily will have any problem with Jason being dressed as a girl, although Sally will have to make sure she understands that it is something that is a secret for now. See what she thinks. I would say not until after this weekend though, let’s at least get through the first one ourselves before we have Sally and Emily involved. Also for now, Jason will have to understand that he is only to dress at home and when we do not have company, I am not ready to deal with Jessica and Bob finding out.”
“Agreed.”
Chapter 10
When Jason got home from school the next day, his mother was waiting for him in the kitchen. She asked him to sit with her. After the normal questions about his day, and how much homework he had tonight, she told him that she wanted to discuss what she and Jason’s father had decided, based on their discussion with Dr. Daniels the night before.
“We are going to make some changes, to accommodate your needs, and we are going to try some things out. First off, we do not want you to ever feel you need to hide this part of yourself from us again, we don’t think it is good for you to have to sneak around and lie and steal, and we believe that forcing you to quit would be forcing you to do so. So, from this point forward, the restriction on you dressing is lifted, within certain boundaries. First, you are only to dress in this house, and only when we do not have company. We may relax that to not include Aunt Sally and Emily, but we have to discuss that with her first. While we know Sally is supportive, she may not be ready to have Emily know about it yet, since Emily would have to be asked to keep it a secret. That may be too much to ask of Emily, and we will let Aunt Sally make that decision. Do you have any problems with these restrictions?” His mother asked.
“No, not at all,” Jason replied, trying to restrain his excitement.
“Good, I did not think you would object to them. When you are dressed like a girl, we will be treating you like a girl. You can’t have it both ways. You need to understand that being a girl is not all about wearing pretty clothes, etc. There is much more to it, and society treats girls differently from boys. When you come home from school, I will expect you to help out with getting dinner ready; you need to learn to cook. This is not that much different, since you sometimes helped before, as neither your father or I are particularly hung up on the standard gender roles in that way anyway, but more will be expected of you as a girl, then as a boy. Again, you and your father usually helped with the cleanup already as well, so that is not a big change. On the weekends, we will have to see what we can do, since you are supposed to cut the grass, but you can’t go outside dressed, and it still needs to be done, and girls can cut the grass just as well as boys can. On the other hand, I want you to help me out in the house like you did this past week, so we may have to find an alternative way of getting the lawn done.”
“Not a problem, I can do it, and then come in and help you.”
“Jason, you will still be in baseball, and any of the other activities that you enjoy. You will have to be on the boys teams of course, and I don’t want you to give up your friends for this. But there will be plenty of time for you to spend dressed. You know, if you are going to be treated like a girl when you are dressed, we really will need to come up with a name for you, since Jason will hardly fit. Do you have one that you think you would like?”
Jason thought for a moment and said, “I always liked the name Kelly.”
“Kelly it is then. Ok, Kelly, we are going to need to get you some more clothes. A bra and a panty are not going to cut it, if you are going to be helping me out every evening, and on the weekends. So, I’m going to need to take some measurements, please go get changed, and put on your panty and bra, and nothing else, and I will be in, in just a moment. I need to go fetch the tape measure. Oh, please make sure you use your padding, I’m afraid you still need a little help in the chest area my dear.”
Jason practically jumped out of his chair and headed into his room. “Oh… My... God…” he thought. “I cannot believe this is really happening to me. Mom is taking me shopping for girl’s clothes, for me!” Jason went straight to his dresser drawer, took out his bra and panty, and got out of his boy clothes as quickly as he could. He pulled up the panty, and put on the bra, and grabbed some socks and filled the cups as best he could. A moment later, his mother knocked on the door.
Jason was suddenly embarrassed as he realized he was going to be standing in front of her with nothing on but a bra and panties, but he opened the door and let her in. Kristine noticed that Jason was blushing, and he was trying to cover up both his crotch area and, to her amusement, his chest.
“Now Kelly, there is no reason for you to be embarrassed. I have seen you naked since the day you were born, and you have never been worried about me seeing you in your underwear before, so there is no reason for you to start now. Although, you will have to be careful about letting your father see you in your underwear now. It is just not the same for a father and a daughter as it is for a mother and a son. Chalk that up as one of the first differences you will have to learn.”
“Now unfortunately Kelly, at least at this point there is no way that anyone is going to think that you are a girl. In time, we may be able to help you with that, but puberty is certainly not helping you there. I’m afraid you are going to be dealing with some body hair issues fairly soon, as you are showing all the signs that you will be following in your father’s footsteps. For now, we are not going to worry about it, as you will only be Kelly here with your father and I, and maybe Aunt Sally and Emily. If after some time, we all feel that you need to go further down the line toward becoming a girl we can start to look into how to hide the masculine features and emphasize the feminine. But that is something to worry about in the future, after we have a better idea of what you need. OK?”
“Ok, Mom.” Jason replied his expression and tone a little deflated.
“Kelly, don’t let this get you down, your father and I, and your Aunt Sally are all definitely here for you, and we are going to make this work out, one way or the other for you. If you are going to do this, we need to start somewhere. Now the only reason I even mentioned it is because, we are not going to be able to go and try things on at the store. That would be a little difficult to explain. So we need to take really good measurements so that what we buy will fit. This is especially true for the underwear, because we can’t take it back, once it has been opened. Ok.”
“Ok” Jason replied with more enthusiasm.
Kristine took all of the measurements, and wrote them down, and then said, “Ok, Kelly, I’m afraid you have to take off the bra. But I’ll tell you what, leave on the panties, just this once. No one is going to see them through your jeans. Just be glad you don’t wear them down around your butt, like some of your peers do, as that would not work. Make it quick, so we can get moving.”
Jason probably never got dressed so quickly in his life.
“Kelly, I’m sure that you have had fantasies about going shopping for a complete new wardrobe, but I want you to understand that we are not going to go hog wild today. We are going to start by picking up several packets of sensible panties, a couple of bras, a couple of around the house outfits, and one nice outfit for Saturday and Sunday dinners. And of course any basic extras needed to complete the outfit, like hose, trouser socks, and a pair of nice shoes, and around the house shoes. You will probably need a slip too, since I’m assuming you are going to insist that the nice outfit be a dress. But we are not going to go crazy, and we are not going to do any makeup or jewelry for the moment. Understand?”
“Yes Mom, I do.” Jason replied. He knew his mom thought that he might be disappointed, but quite the contrary, as he heard her list of what they would be looking for, Jason thought he would burst with joy. “Oh… God… a COUPLE of bras, and several packets of panties! A nice DRESS, and a slip... and everything! OhMyGod, OhMyGod, do not let me wake up and find this was all a dream!”
Soon they pulled into the local mall, and after parking headed into the slightly upscale department store that Jason’s mother usually shopped at. They headed to the lingerie department first. Jason had really only seen his mothers panties, so he was shocked to learn that there were so many more styles available. His mother told him that she was not about to buy him thongs, and she suspected they would be quite uncomfortable for Jason anyway, and she likewise thought that the bikini styles were probably risky for Jason at least at the start. She let Jason chose between cotton and nylon, and between full briefs and hi-cut briefs. Jason’s mom typically wore nylon full coverage briefs, so Jason knew he liked the feel of the nylon, so he chose nylon, but he thought the hi-cut briefs were more feminine, so he chose that style. Kristine picked up several packages with a variety of colors and patterns, in his size.
Then she said quietly to him, “Kelly, as you can see, there are literally dozens of styles of bras, and different styles for different needs, etc. We really don’t have time to go through them all here tonight, so since you seem to like the style I have been using, I am going to suggest we just pick up a couple more of those that actually fit you. Mine are a little bit small for you, as your band width is actually a bit bigger than mine. From now on you really need to leave mine alone because you will stretch mine out and I will not be able to wear them. Ok.”
“No problem, Mom. I won’t need to do that anymore.”
“Good.” Kristine went over and picked up two basic white bras in Jason’s size, well Jason’s size with socks anyway she thought. As she thought about that, she looked around, and saw what she was looking for. She found some gel shaping pads, and picked them up. She told Jason that this would work better then socks. She said, “I’ll bet there are a number of girls in your school that are using a bit of ‘help’ too.”
Next they picked out a printed sleep shirt, with a v-neckline with a pretty pink bow, yellow with cute pink polka dots. Then they found a super soft, luxurious bath-robe, it was short and came to about knee length.
Kristine paid for the purchases, and then they headed over to the juniors section.
Here they started to look in earnest for some outfits for Kelly. There were a number of sales people around, so she said perhaps a little loudly, “Jason, you know Kelly better than I do, I need you to help me to pick out some things that she will like.”
Jason was quick on the uptake and responded, “I’ll do my best Mom; I don’t know much about girl’s clothes though.” Kristine smiled, “I know Jason, but you know what she wears, so just try to imagine her in what you see, and think if it seems to be similar to what she would chose for herself.”
“Ok Mom, I’ll do that.” He smiled back at her.
Jason thought about a girl in his school that he really liked, and who he thought was very pretty. He tried to think about what she would wear, and used that to guide him as he worked through the department with his mother. His mother told him that they were looking for a couple of nice tops, and some comfortable slacks or shorts for around the house. Kristine was pleasantly surprised as they went through and looked, to discover that Jason actually had fairly good taste. In the end they chose a nice, white short sleeved peasant top, it had a tie-neck with a keyhole front, and was shirred at the hem with a simple ruffle. Then they picked out a couple of basic beaded, scoop necked tees in a ribbed cotton, since they were buy one get one. They got one in tropical pink and another in a light green.
They picked out a pair of black cropped leggings, and a pair of basic white stretch Capri pants. Then Jason saw, a pleated denim skirt, knee length, with an A-line shape, and he just had to have it. Kristine knew she was not going to get away without picking up a skirt, so she let Jason get that as well.
Then they went to look at the dresses, so that he would have a nice weekend meal outfit. They found a pretty navy sheath dress that came to the knee. After paying for the outfits, they headed back over to the lingerie department and picked up a slip, and knee highs, trouser socks and panty hose to go with the various outfits they had picked up. Then they headed out into the mall to the one of the self service shoe stores.
“Ok, Jason, this is going to be the tough part, because we really cannot buy shoes without trying them on. So we are going to have to find something here. Come on back towards the back of the store.” She led Jason to a set of chairs out of sight from the entrance way, and had him sit down. “Wait here.” She told him. A few moments later she came back with a pair of nylon footies and a women’s shoe sizing tool. “Here, take off your shoes and your socks and put these on.”
“What are these?” Jason asked.
“They are footies. Your socks are too thick, most women’s shoes, except sneakers of course, are designed to be worn with nylons, bare feet, or thin ‘trouser’ socks. You can’t try on shoes with bare feet, so shoe stores keep these ‘footies’ to allow women to try on shoes. Here is a pair of boys’ shoes, so that it looks like you are trying them. Ok, now let me measure you.”
After taking the measurements, she went and grabbed a pair of simple slip on flats and a very basic pump with a minimal heel.
“Jason, again, there are tons of styles, but we don’t have time for me to teach that to you tonight. These are pretty basic shoes to start you out with, and will work for the outfits you have right now. Try them on quickly. Fortunately the store is pretty empty. I’m sure that there is probably a surveillance camera, but that can’t be helped.”
Jason quickly tried on both pairs, and they seemed to fit fine. When he stood on the pumps, even with the low heel it felt very strange, but he knew it was something he would have to get used to, if he was going to dress as Kelly.
His mom was satisfied that they would work so she told Jason to go ahead, and that he should go wait for him in one of the sitting areas by the mall entrance.
Jason went and found a seat, and started to think about all that they had done this evening. He was hard pressed to keep from going into the bags, and reviewing, but he knew how that would look, so he avoided it.
While he was waiting, a group of girls from his school walked by. “Hi Jason, what are you doing?”
“Hi Julie, Kathy, Sue. Nothing much, just waiting for my Mom. She had some shopping to do, and needed some help carrying things. She is just paying for the last of it, and so she let me come out here to take a load off. How about you?”
“Oh we are just hanging out, you know us girls; love to go to the mall. My Mom is supposed to be here any minute to pick us up. Mind if we sit here with you while we wait?”
“No, of course not. Here let me make some more room for you.”
“Looks like your Mom was busy, I love that store. What was she getting?”
“Oh, just some clothes.”
“Did you get anything nice?”
“What do you mean?” Jason asked startled.
“Well they have some really nice clothes for boys in there too. I figured since you were here with her, you might have gotten something too.”
“Um, no, most of this is for my cousin Kelly. Her birthday is coming up.” Jason improvised.
“Oh, how old is she?” Julie asked.
“Um… She is our age.” Jason replied.
“Can we see? You know Mom’s are out of touch, maybe we can help make sure that Kelly is going to like her presents.”
“Um… I don’t know, I don’t want to mess anything up, and Mom will be here in just a second.” Jason stalled.
“Oh, we would not mess anything up silly, we do this kind of thing all the time, right girls.” Kathy and Sue both agreed. Jason was not sure what to do, but fortunately he heard his mother say from behind him, “Do what kind of thing all the time? Hi Jason; who are all of your friends?”
“Hello Mrs. Anderson. I’m Julie, and this is Kathy and Sue. We go to school with Jason, and he was just telling us that he came here today to help you carry around the stuff you bought for his cousin Kelly. We were offering to take a look at what you got her to make sure that a girl our age would like it.” As Kristine raised her eyebrows, Julie quickly added, “Oh, I did not mean to be offensive, Mrs. Anderson, but you know our Mom’s have decidedly different tastes then we do, and since you don’t have a teenage daughter, well…” Julie was embarrassed. “Oh, my, really I’m sorry, that sounds horrible when I hear myself say it, but really I was not trying to be.”
Kristine laughed, “Julie, it is a pleasure to meet you. Kathy, Sue you too. I understand what you mean Julie, believe me, I had the same problem with my mother when I was your age.”
“I’ll tell you what, I will satisfy your curiosity, but let me open the bags, because frankly, I also picked up some unmentionables, and I don’t particularly want to be parading them out in the mall lobby.”
The girls laughed, and Jason blushed.
“Jason hand me that bag, the big one that has the gifts for Kelly.” Jason handed the bag over, and Kristine pulled out the capri’s and the leggings first. The girls acknowledged that while not overly exciting, they were basic pieces that would certainly be welcome. Then came the peasant top, which the girls liked a lot better, and they thought that the two tees were cute. They loved the denim skirt, in fact Kathy asked how much it was, and when she heard the answer, she said, “Oooh, did they have more?” When Kristine told her yes, she said “I have got to go get one of those.” They also liked the navy dress.
Julie said, “Mrs. Anderson, you have fine tastes.”
“Thank you Julie.”
Kathy said, “Julie, I’m going to run over there quick, I’ll be right back, I love that skirt.”
“Ok, but hurry, Mom will be here any minute, and she will not be happy if she has to wait for you!”
“Ok,” and Kathy hurried over to the store.
“She will never get back here in time,” Julie said. “She will see 5 other things, and have to try them on and oh… Mom is going to be annoyed.”
“Is you’re Mom going to be coming in, or are you supposed to meet her outside?” Kristine asked.
“She will park and come in; she does not like us to wait outside, because all of the smokers hang by the door. She does not want us to have to breathe all of that smoke.” Julie replied.
“Well, Jason and I can wait here with you and I can try to distract her, while you go fetch Kathy, if necessary.”
“Really, that would be great. Jason, your mother is cool.”
“Thanks, Julie, I think so too.” Jason replied in all honesty.
A few minutes later, Julie’s mother came in the mall entrance, and came over to greet her daughter. “Where is Kathy?” she asked as she rolled her eyes.
Julie replied quickly, “She just ran back for a minute, let me go get her.”
“Make it quick, Julie!”
“Ok Mom, by the way this is Mrs. Anderson, and Jason. Jason is in my class.” Julie said and then rushed off to get Kathy.
“Hello Mrs. Anderson and Jason.”
“Hi, and its Kristine, I’m afraid, Julie forgot to tell me your name.”
“Oh, I’m sorry; I’m Shelly, Shelly Sanders.”
“I’m afraid the delay is my fault. The girls were critiquing my choices for gifts for my niece, Kelly. Kelly is the same age as this crew here, so they thought they should make sure I was not getting her old lady clothes. Not that they put it that way… Sue don’t worry, I really thought it was funny. Anyway, Kathy saw the skirt I bought Kelly and had to go get one herself.”
“That sounds like Kathy. Jason came along with you to shop for his cousin?”
“Yes, I needed help with the bags, and actually Jason was a lot of help, keeping me on track with what he has seen the girls his age wear.” Kristine replied.
“That was very helpful of you Jason. I wish my son were as helpful. He is a year younger then Julie, and there is no way I would bring him along, because I would spend the whole time yelling at him. Of course if I brought Julie, it would cost me three times as much, as she would see so many things she would just have to have!”
Kristine laughed. Julie and Kathy came running back, Kathy with a new bag in her hands. “Thanks Mrs. Anderson, I got it. Sorry Mrs. Sanders, I did not mean to hold you up.”
“Oh, alright Kathy, but next time… Anyway, get your stuff, I have to get you all home, and get dinner ready. Nice to meet you Mrs. Anderson, Jason.”
“See you at school tomorrow Jason.” Julie said to Jason. Jason replied, “Good night, see you tomorrow.”
After they had gone, Kristine said to Jason, “Ok Kelly, grab your bags, and let’s go home.”
Jason picked up the bags, and walked with his mother out of the mall.
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 11 - 15. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Chapter 11
When they got home, Jason carried the bags into his room, and his mother said, “Ok Kelly, you need to try everything on and see how well we did with your measurements.”
Jason got undressed down to his underwear, and opened up the first packet of panties. Kristine turned her eyes as he replaced the stolen pair with his first pair of panties that was actually purchased for him. They fit quite well, much better than the pair that he had acquired from his mother’s drawer. Then he took one of the new bras and put that on. Kristine stopped him from grabbing a pair of socks and told him to get the box with the gel pads. He opened it and placed the first one in his left bra cup, and the second in the right cup.
Jason could not believe how good they felt. Although they were a little cold at first, he could feel them starting to warm up almost immediately, and they quickly felt like they were almost attached to his skin. Jason knew then and there that he would not be using socks ever again if he could help it.
Kristine looked at Jason, seeing the look on his face, knew that Jason was never going to give up Kelly. She thought to herself, “Dear God, I hope that I am doing the right thing.” She kept this to herself though, and said to Jason, “Well, when I picked up the pads, I should have thought about the fact that they would not fill out the cups to the same size as your socks did. That bra will be too loose, and won’t hold them in place. I should have gotten a smaller cup size. Maybe you should put in the socks.”
Jason’s face fell.
“Oh dear, I’m sorry honey…”
“It’s ok Mom, its just that they feel so much better, almost like a part of me, so different from the socks.”
“Alright, well keep them on for now, lets see how much trouble you have with them. Eventually, I guess I will have to look into full size forms for you, but I think they are rather expensive. These pads are designed to add a cup size, but they do make larger ones. They were originally developed to help women that lost their breasts from cancer, to feel better about themselves. Ok, we have to get moving, because we still need to get dinner together.”
Jason, next tried on the leggings and the tee, both fit fine. Then he tried the capris, and that also fit without a problem. The peasant shirt was perhaps a little loose in the bust area, but looked good, particularly when he switched to the denim skirt. Jason could not help himself; he had to twirl with the skirt on.
Lastly he tried on the navy dress, and he was very disappointed, because it was too tight. His mother said, “that is obviously too tight, it is cut small for its size, and you are going to have to go up a size. I’m sure though that will be fine. I’ll return this tomorrow and pick up the next size higher. That is another thing for you to learn. Unfortunately women’s clothing in particular is difficult to judge by size, because different brands and styles fit vary so much that it really is tough to know how something will fit until you try it on.”
Jason put the peasant blouse and the denim skirt back on. His mother told him he needed to wear hose with the skirt. He opened a package of panty hose and started to try to put them on. His mother quickly stopped him and said, “You have to roll up the leg so that you put your foot into the bottom and then pull it up,” as she showed him how to do so, “Here now you try.”
He quickly did as she had showed him, and soon he had them on. Then he got out his flats and he was dressed for the evening. He put all his new clothes away, except for the navy dress, which his mom took along with the receipt so that she could exchange it the next morning.
Then they went out into the kitchen and started to get dinner together.
“Your father will be home shortly, so we are going to have to do something simple. I picked up hamburgers and salad fixings. Go ahead and set the table, then take the big salad bowl and toss the salad for me. I’ll go get the grill going.”
Jason went and set the dining room table for the three of them, then taking the big salad bowl he took the romaine and washed and drained it, tearing it up he added it to the bowl. Then he chopped some carrots, onions, tomatoes and some baby bella mushrooms. All of these were added into the bowl. Then he added some shredded cheddar cheese. He then took the big salad spoons and tossed the salad ingredients well, and put the bowl out on the dining room table. He grabbed all of the salad dressings in the refrigerator and brought them out to the dining room table as well.
His mother was back inside, and had grabbed a paper grocery bag and was shucking corn. He sat down next to her and grabbed another ear, and started peeling as well. In a few minutes they had them all done. His mother grabbed a big pot and filled it with water, washed the corn and set it to boil.
After looking in at the table, Kristine said, “Kelly, nice job on the salad. Your father will appreciate the cheese; I always forget that he likes that. So, while we have a few minutes, tell me about Julie.”
“Not much to tell really. She’s nice enough, but I don’t really know her. I’ve seen her around school, and she is in a couple of my classes, but we had never really talked before. I was kind of surprised she stopped and said hello today.”
“Hmm… that is interesting. Well of course you were sitting where she was supposed to wait for her mother, so it could be that she was just being friendly, but there were other seats, she did not have to come over and sit by you.”
“No, she didn’t. As I said she has always been nice, she is not one of the ‘snooty’ girls, if you know what I mean.”
“Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Does she have a boyfriend?”
“How should I know?”
“I suppose that is true. Probably not, but it won’t be too long, and I’m sure she is already starting to think about it. How about you, is there anyone that you are interested in?”
“I don’t know. Sure there are definitely some girls I think are really pretty, including Julie, and for that matter Kathy and Sue too. And I like to think about them, but it gets confusing. When I look at a pretty girl, part of me wants to, well you know, and the other part of me is looking at what she is wearing, and getting all jealous because I can’t be dressed that way, and even if I could will never look that good. So it is really confusing.”
“Hum, what about boys? How do you feel about them?”
“What do you mean?”
“When you look at a boy, do you get at all confused about your feelings?”
“No. Its just a boy. Someone I can go play catch with, or whatever, but I’m not interested in what he looks like, or what he is wearing. If it’s a friend, then I’m thinking about what we can do, if not then I pretty much ignore him.”
They heard the garage door opening, so Kristine said, “Kelly, please go wait in your room. I want to make a proper introduction of you to your father.”
Jason quickly went to his room. A few moments later, his mother came in and asked him to come with her. They walked to the living room, and his mother said to his father, “Richard, may I present your daughter, Kelly.”
Jason’s father came over to Jason, gave him a hug and said, “Kelly, I love you my dear.” He then hugged Jason even harder.
“Oh, I love you too Dad, and you too Mom.”
After a long, hard group hug, they headed into the kitchen. The burgers were quickly cooked, and they sat down to dinner. Dinner was just like every other night, talk about the day, just like nothing had changed. Jason thought to himself that he had to be the luckiest kid in the world.
After dinner, Jason had to work on his homework and then it was time for bed. When he changed into his nightgown, he left his bra on with the gel pads. He had a very hard time getting to sleep that night.
Chapter 12
The next day at school, Jason was sitting with his friends during lunch, when Julie came over and asked him, “Hi Jason. Do you have a minute; I need to talk to you about something.” His friends John and Steve looked at him in astonishment. Julie may not have been the snobby kind of girl, but she was very pretty, and John and Steve could not believe she would be coming to their friend.
Jason said, “oh… sure Julie, no problem.”
Jason followed Julie out of the lunch room and onto the field where the other kids that were done eating were gathering. They found a spot that was quiet, where they could talk, and sat on the grass.
“Jason, I have a confession to make.” Julie started.
Jason wasn’t sure what Julie could possibly be trying to tell him.
“I was in the shoe store yesterday.” She told him.
Warning bells started going off in Jason’s head, as he started to think of what to say.
“Oh… don’t worry Jason; your secret is safe with me. But I heard your mom telling you about footies, and then saw you try on those flats and the pumps. And I’m sure that all of those clothes were not for your cousin.”
Jason’s heart was beating a mile a minute as he was thinking to himself that he was absolutely dead.
“Jason, I’m serious, please don’t worry, I am not going to tell anyone! Even Kathy and Sue don’t know, because they were not with me. They were in the accessories store next door, and they had both picked up some things, and the line was long, and my Mom was due any moment, and I wanted some sandals, so I went into the shoe store by myself. I saw you, and was going to say hi, when I heard your Mom. And then I felt so bad because I was not trying to eavesdrop, but I couldn’t help it. Can you forgive me?” Julie was either the best actress that Jason had ever seen or she was truly upset.
Jason answered, “It’s not your fault, it’s my mother and mine, we were not careful enough. This was the first time we ever went shopping for me like that.”
“Jason, answer me one question. Are you doing this because you want to, or is it being forced on you by your mother?”
“It’s me, Julie. It is something I need to do.”
“Good. I would want to help you either way, but I liked your mother last night, and I would hate to think that I was that wrong. Am I correct that you are actually Kelly?”
“Yes. I don’t have a cousin Kelly. That is the name I chose for myself when I dress.”
“Do you want to be a girl?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I think so, but sometimes being a boy isn’t so bad.”
“So you are trying out being Kelly sometimes for now?”
“Yes, that’s probably a good way to put it.”
“Well, one thing about girls is that they really need a girlfriend to share with. I would really like to be Kelly’s girlfriend, if you will let me. I have always thought that you were a nice guy Jason, and now we can share this, if you will have me.”
“I think that I would like that, but I promised my parents that Kelly would only exist at home for now. I have done enough lying about this to them, I won’t do any more.”
“Fair enough, if this is going to happen, your mom needs to know anyway. Mine, can’t know. She would never, ever accept this, and she would forbid me to see you.”
“Well, I will have to tell Mom about it. She is going to want to talk to you herself. I could ask her if we can invite you to dinner tonight. I did not have any other plans tonight, so we were just going to have a family movie night. We were probably going to pick up the sequel to National Treasure.”
“I’d like that. I loved the first one, and I’ve only seen the sequel once in the theatre. Actually it would be perfect, because my brother is having friends over tonight, and Kathy is going with her family to her grandparents for the weekend, and Sue has to spend this weekend with her father. Her parents are divorced. So I was going to be closing myself in my room to keep away from the boys anyway. I’m sure my mom won’t object.”
Julie wrote her number down on a piece of paper she had in her purse. “If your mom says it is ok, give me a call. Mom will want to speak to your mom to make sure it is all ok.”
The rest of the afternoon went slowly, but finally school ended. On his way home he took some good natured ribbing from John and Steve about being pulled away and spending his lunch recess with Julie. Jason took it with good grace, as he knew if the situation was reversed he would be doing the same to them.
When he got home, he told his mother that they needed to talk. He told her about the conversation that he had had with Julie, and his mother was horrified. “Jason, I am so sorry, I just did not think. We should have gone to a mall further away. I put you at so much risk! And now Julie knows, and lord knows what she is thinking.”
Jason replied, “Mom, we got off lucky. I believe Julie; like I said she has always been one of the nice girls. I really don’t think she is playing a game, I think she really feels bad about over hearing us, and I don’t know why but I think she really wants to be my friend. Can we have her over tonight for dinner, then you can feel her out yourself and see if you trust her.”
“That is probably the best idea. We can’t put the genie back in the bottle, so let’s see what happens now. Go ahead and call her, then I will speak to her mom. You said that Julie said that she can’t tell her mom about this.”
“That is what she said.”
“Ok, so I won’t need to answer any of those questions.”
Jason went to the phone and called Julie’s house. Julie’s brother answered and Jason asked, “Um… Hi is Julie there?” He could hear her brother calling, “Julie, some guy is on the phone for you.”
Julie, picked up the phone and shouted down to her brother to hang up now. “Hello?”
“Hi Julie, its Jason. I spoke to my mom, and she said it would be alright to invite you for dinner, would you like to come over, have dinner and maybe watch a movie?”
“Sure… I’ll have to clear it with my mother though. Wait.” Jason could hear her asking her mother. Julie came back and said, “My mom would like to speak to your mom to make sure it’s ok.”
“Mom, Julie’s mom wants to speak to you.”
“Ok Jason. Hello, hi Shelly, yes this is Kristine, we met last night… Yeah, its fine, Jason said that Julie was going to be stuck hiding out in her room tonight because her brother was having a few of his friends over, so he thought she might like to have dinner here, and watch the video with us… I’d be happy to come pick her up, and drop her off later after the movie… Really, it is not a problem at all. Ok, what is the address? Alright, I will be there about 5:30, ok? Great, see you then.” Kristine handed the phone back to Jason.
“Julie?”
“Jason, I’ll see you in a little while then. Thanks for calling.”
Chapter 13
Jason and his mother rang the doorbell at Julie’s house, right at 5:30. Julie’s brother answered the door, and said, “Oh, you’re not Bill. Julie, your ‘date’ is here.”
Mrs. Sanders came to the front hall and said, “Brian! Be nice. Hi Kristine; hello Jason. Julie will be down in a moment. It was nice of you to invite Julie tonight, she really did not want to hang around with the boys being here tonight, and her girlfriends are all out of town. I hope she did not invite herself over?”
Jason replied, “Oh no Mrs. Sanders it was my idea. I did not know about that until after I asked her. She had said that she liked National Treasure, and we were going to be watching the sequel tonight, so I thought she might like to see it too. I knew it was kind of last moment, but I figured it could not hurt to ask, and it seems like it worked out well for her too.”
“It really is not a problem; we usually rent movies on Friday nights. Sometimes Jason has a friend or two over, sometimes not, but it’s a family event, so Jason’s father and I will be watching too.”
“Sounds like fun, let me see if I can get Julie to hurry up.” Mrs. Sanders went up the stairs, and shortly came down with Julie. When Jason saw Julie, he took a sharp breath, as Julie was quite beautiful. Jason’s pulse rate went up, and Kelly’s jealousy peeked as well. He struggled to get both under control, and said, “Hi Julie.” Julie was wearing a denim skirt, and a shell and sweater set.
Kristine said, “Hello Julie. My don’t you look nice tonight. Are you ready?”
Julie looked at her and said, “Thank you Mrs. Anderson. Yes, I’m ready, and Jason, thank you for inviting me.”
“Shelly, I should have her home by 10. I will call if we are running a little late, I’m not sure how long the movie runs, and Jason’s father sometimes gets stuck in traffic, and we wait for him. Is that Ok?”
“That’s fine, since she will be with you.”
Julie kissed her mother, and they all went to the Anderson’s car. After they pulled out of the driveway, Kristine spoke up, “Julie, first off, I want to thank you for being discrete about what you saw yesterday. I’m sure you know that if word got around school about that, Jason would have quite a bit of trouble with some of your classmates.”
“Mrs. Anderson, I understand. Believe me, no-one will ever find out about Kelly from me.”
“I hope that you mean that, Julie. When we get to the house, I’d like to discuss your intentions a little bit more, and Jason, I think that it would be best if you give us some privacy for that. Is that ok with both of you?”
Jason and Julie both told her that it was fine.
When they got to the house, Jason went to his room, and Kristine led Julie into the family room. After offering her something to drink, she said to Julie, “Jason mentioned that you want to be Kelly’s friend. I have to ask you, why? You already have Kathy and Sue, and you told him they don’t know, so how do you think this will work? You know that if you start hanging around with Jason a lot, people are going to assume you are a couple. You are a little young yet, but in the next couple of years that will possibly be a problem for you.”
“Mrs. Anderson, you seem to be a really good Mom. There is something I want to tell you that I could never, ever tell my Mom. But knowing how you are handling Jason’s needs, I feel like I can trust you, and trust has to start somewhere.”
“Go on.”
“Mrs. Anderson, I don’t like boys the way that Kathy and Sue and the other girls do. Most boys are just so… I don’t know, but when I try to think of them the way that my girl friends do, I just don’t see the attraction. So I’ve tried to think about girls that way, thinking I might be gay, and while I think girls could be a little bit more interesting, when I start to thinking of another girls well, you know, it’s like ‘gross.’ So to be honest I was beginning to think I just was just not interested in either gender. But last night, the thought of a boy that is also kind of a girl, well I have never felt like that before.”
“Julie, you and Jason are too young…”
“Mrs. Anderson, I know that. I don’t know if Jason and I will ever be more then friends, but I realized last night that I wanted to be friends with Kelly. To help her anyway I can, and if we become more then that when we are older, then great, but if not, then at least I will have another good friend. One I can tell my secrets too, and who can tell me hers. I am not worried if everyone assumes we are dating. Maybe we will someday… I suspect that I would be happy if that happened, and I think that it might just make Jason happy too.”
“What if Jason decides someday that he wants to go all the way and become a girl? Although he says now that he has no interest in boys, you never know what will happen down the road as he frees himself to explore this.”
“Then I will either have another good friend that is a girl, or I may have grown to where that is ok with me too. I can’t see that far down the line, and neither can you, Mrs. Anderson. I won’t hurt Jason or Kelly, if I can help it. I won’t out him that I can guarantee.”
“And your family?”
“They are really conservative. They will never accept any of this, so I will just have to keep it from them. I wish my parents were as cool as you are, because I really would like to not have to hide my own feelings, but I’m going to have to until I am old enough to live on my own.”
“Ok Julie, that’s enough third degree. I am going to allow it. I think Kelly can use a friend, and to be honest, you have just answered one of my biggest concerns for Jason. He says he is interested in girls, and he is definitely interested in you, I think he almost had heart failure when you walked down the stairs tonight. Your really are quite beautiful you know.” Kristine smiled at Julie, and went on, “But I could not imagine that he would ever be able to find a girl that would be interested in a boy that dresses like a girl. Well, that did not take too long did it? That gives me hope for him. I know that it won’t all be this easy for him; there are a lot of pitfalls coming that much is certain. I put him at significant risk yesterday, because I was careless, but got off lucky, because it was you and not a gossip that caught us. Thank you for being a caring person.”
Kristine gave Julie a hug, and then grabbed some tissues to wipe their eyes. “Let’s go see if we can find Kelly, and bring her out to introduce you.”
Chapter 14
“Ok, Kelly and Julie, listen up. I have agreed to allow this. Kelly after speaking with Julie, I agree with you that she can be trusted.” She gave Julie a look that said that she better be trustworthy. “But there are going to have to be some ground rules, and you both have to agree to them. Kelly is still a boy, where it counts.” Looking at Jason, she said, “at least for now. Kelly, I am doing my best to treat you like a girl, as that is how you want to be treated, but in this instance I have to do what is right for both of you. And that means that you and Julie have to be properly chaperoned. I am pushing it by letting Julie keep this part of your relationship a secret from her parents. I am willing to do so, because it would put Kelly at risk otherwise, and because in my book Julie is old enough to make this decision. You have told me that your parents would absolutely disapprove, which puts me in a tricky spot of course, but my conscience is clear on this. But it won’t be if you two abuse it, and end up in trouble. And you are both old enough to know what I mean by trouble.” She looked at them with a stern face.
“So that means that you two are not to be alone in a room with a closed door. Julie, you are not to be here when there is no adult present. No getting changed together, etc. I know that those are all ‘normal’ things for girl friends to do, but you two are going to have to deal with the normal boy/girl restrictions. Is that clear?”
“Yes Mom.”
“Yes, Mrs. Anderson.”
“Ok. Kelly you need to get changed. Julie you can go in and help Kelly pick out her outfit for tonight, but leave the door open. Kelly, get changed in the bathroom.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Anderson. Come on Kelly; let’s go get you ready for dinner.” The two of them went into Jason’s room, making sure to leave the door wide open.
“Kelly, I wore my denim skirt because I knew that you had one. So let’s start with that. Do you have anything other than the things I saw last night?”
“No, not yet. I wore the skirt last night. It was the first night at home as Kelly and that’s the only skirt I have.”
“Did you hang it up?” Jason nodded his head yes. “Then it should be ok. Normally, I wouldn’t wear the same skirt two nights in a row, but you don’t have much to choose from yet, so I would not worry about it for now. Which top did you wear? Oh, wait I know, you had to have worn the peasant blouse.”
Jason looked surprised and said, “How did you know?”
“It was the prettiest of what you got. You would have either worn that outfit or the dress.”
“The dress did not fit, and it is supposed to be for Saturday and Sunday dinner.”
“Oh… I love getting dressed up to go out for dinner.”
Jason shook his head, and said, “I’m not ready for that, and may never be. But we try to have a family dinner on the weekends.”
“That sounds nice. My family rarely eats together, unless we go out for some occasion. Anyway go with the pink tee. How about makeup and jewelry?”
“I don’t have any.” Jason replied, with a sad look on his face.
Kelly smiled, “Well that is something I can help you with. Go get changed, and then come back here. Is there another chair that we can use at your desk?”
“We could use one of the kitchen chairs.”
“Ok, I’ll get it while you get changed.” Julie went to the kitchen, and Jason went into the bathroom to get changed.
“Oh… I like that, and that looks nice on you, Kelly. And you even have some boobs, nice.” Julie said when Jason came back into his room.
“Kelly, I brought practically everything I have, because I thought we might get to do this, and I figured it was unlikely you had any yet. I don’t know if the colors I have will really work for you. I wish Kathy could meet you, because she is really good at makeovers, but that is not going to happen. So we will just have to make do. Sit down right here.” She pointed to the chair at his desk. She pulled the makeup out her purse. “I brought my largest bag tonight, so that I could bring as much as possible, Mom thought it was silly but I told her I was bringing some CD’s. Why don’t you put something on the CD player while we do this?”
Jason took one of Julie’s CD’s and popped it in.
“Now sit still. I’m not going to try and teach this to you tonight. I need to play a bit to see what works, and as I said, Kathy is better at this then I am, so just let me play with it. If it doesn’t work, I promise we will take it off. Ok?”
As she started to work on Jason’s face, Kristine came by to check on them, raised an eyebrow but did not object. She did tell Julie, “Don’t do anything permanent, like shaping her eyebrows.”
“I was not going to Mrs. Anderson. Though I think a little cleanup would not hurt her, but I’ll leave them alone for now.”
“Ok. Have fun.”
Julie continued to work on Jason’s face. She tried different things, wiping some off, and than trying a different combination. Jason was getting a little fidgety. “Kelly, hold still. I can’t do this if you are moving around. Do you want to quit?”
“No, I’m ok. Just nervous I guess. My father has been great, but I am worried what he will think of this. I know I look silly enough in the clothes, and don’t want it to be any worse for him.”
“Kelly, I promise you, you can trust me. I am going to do my best to make you look as nice as you can. If it does not work, I will not let you leave the room. Ok? Please trust me. I really want to be your friend, and to help you to figure out where this is going to go for you.”
“I believe you Julie. I don’t really understand why you are doing this, but I believe you. I have to be honest though. As Kelly, I am so happy to have you as a friend. I’m jealous of you though, because you are so pretty, and you are everything I have always wished I could be. Then on top of that, I don’t know if I can keep Jason from wanting a different kind of friendship with you. But I can understand that for that you are going to want a ‘masculine’ guy, not a guy that wears dresses, and is also your friend Kelly.”
“Jason, look at me.” Jason looked Julie in the eyes.
“Jason, I don’t see any difference between you and Kelly. You are the same person whether you are in boy’s clothing or girls clothes. I like you, and always have. Since we are being honest, I’m attracted to you. Before last night, I would have said you were handsome, but I was not attracted the way you mean, not because of anything to do with you, but because I have never been attracted to a boy, or for that matter a girl before. I love the fact that you have some of both, and now this guy that I always thought was nice, turns out to be more than I ever thought about, and I realized fairly quickly last night that I liked it. So that is my big secret. I am glad that your Jason side finds me attractive, maybe after you have had time to explore being Kelly too, she may find she also likes me. She may not, she may find that despite what she thinks now that she actually does like boys, but right now it does not matter. We both have so much growing up to do before we can really let that go anywhere. Your mom is right about that. So let’s just see how it goes. But Jason, I would be honored if you were to ask me to be your girlfriend, and I don’t mind if the whole world knows it.”
By the time she finished, both she and Jason were crying. Julie could not help it; she reached out and gave Jason a hug.
“Now, stop crying, you are going to ruin all the work I have done.” She smiled as she pulled away. She showed him how to dab his eyes to avoid smearing the mascara, by drying her own eyes.
“Julie, I… don’t know what to say. This has been such an incredible couple of days for me. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I can’t tell you how happy I am that you saw me and Mom at the shoe store yesterday.”
“Me too, Kelly, me too. Now that is the best I can do with your makeup. I think it looks ok, I know that it can be better, but I’m just not good enough at it. Do you have a mirror in here?” Jason shook his head no.
“No… well, I know what to get Kelly for her birthday. No mirror.” Julie shakes her head in disbelief. “Alright, lets go into the bathroom so you can check out my handiwork before your father gets home.”
They went into the bathroom; again making sure the door was wide open. Jason looked into the mirror. While he was still obviously a boy, the makeup changes were subtle. They brought out his eyes more, and added color to his cheeks. He decided he liked it, but would wait to see how his mother felt about it before subjecting his father to it. Julie then said, “now what we need to do is to see what we can do with your hair. Thank god you don’t have a buzz cut. I think we can do something with it, without having to cut anything. Your mom would kill me if I cut your hair. Come on back in the other room, and let me see what I can do. Bring your brush. Do you have a hair dryer?”
Jason shook his head no again.
Julie shook her head and said, “boys! Ok, your mom has to have one, let me ask her. Go back and sit down.”
Julie went and found Jason’s mother. “Mrs. Anderson, can I borrow your hair dryer? Don’t worry; I’m not cutting her hair.” She added at Kristine’s startled expression. “But I want to see if I can do something by brushing it back. It really isn’t long enough to do much with, but its worth a try. Of course with that length I could do more with a curling iron, but I’m assuming you would prefer I not do that.”
Kristine replied, “I think that would be best for now, although anything that will wash right out should be ok. But that would take a lot of time, and Kelly’s father will be home soon, and dinner will be ready. Come with me, and I’ll get you the hair dryer. So how did the makeup session go?”
“I think that it can be better then I managed, but that would take someone more skilled then me, and probably with a wider selection to chose from. I think it looks ok, but Kelly wants you to approve it before her father sees it.”
“I’m sure it looks fine. I’m going to have to work with Kelly’s aunt to get hold of someone that is transgender friendly to help with this sort of thing. I know from her, that they can really do a lot.”
“I did not know that Kelly had an aunt that was so knowledgeable about this sort of thing.”
“One of his aunts has quite a few friends with ‘alternative lifestyles.’ She is actually quite conventional herself, but she is a very warm person that is not quick to judge. She has a young daughter named Emily. Unfortunately, Emily’s father died a couple of years ago in a car accident. So she is a single Mom now.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. It must be so hard on them both.”
“It is at times, but we do what we can to help. Emily spends a lot of time here. And Sally has lots of friends. So she does ok for herself and for Emily.”
While they were talking they had retrieved the hair dryer and returned to Jason’s room. When they got there, Kristine asked Jason to come over to the light. “That is very nice work Julie. I doubt I could have done much better. Kelly, that will be fine. Your dad will probably not even notice it. He tends to be oblivious to this sort of thing.”
Julie told him to go into the bathroom and get his hair damp. When he came back, she had him sit down again. This time she stood behind him, and started working with his hair. She combed it back, and used the hair dryer to try to put some lift into it. When she was done, she said, “Kelly, I’m sorry, there just is not enough to really do much with, at least not without cutting some things, particularly the sideburns. We will just have to let that go for tonight.”
“It’s ok, Julie, I appreciate the effort.”
Julie put the hairdryer back where she and Kristine had gotten it from.
Soon after, Jason’s father got home, and came in to introduce himself. “Hi Kelly, and this must be Julie. Hi, I’m Richard, Kelly’s father.”
Julie stood up and said, “Hello Mr. Anderson, it is a pleasure to meet you.”
“The pleasure is mine, I assure you. It is nice to know that Kelly has a friend like you, and that she will not have to go through this by herself. Anyway, Kelly, your Mom says dinner is almost ready and asked if you and Julie would come help her set the table.”
“Sure Dad, I should have been helping her anyway, sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it, your mother would have asked for it if she needed it, she knew you and Julie needed some time together.”
They sat down to dinner.
“Kelly, I got a call today from your new baseball coach. You are going to be on the Mets. Your first practice is going to be next Thursday.” Jason’s mother told him.
“That’s great Mom. Julie do you play any sports?”
“Yes, I’ll be playing softball. Too bad we can’t be on the same team,” she replied.
“Kelly, you are going to need some new cleats, your old ones are not going to fit you, so we need to head to the mall tomorrow.”
“That sounds good to me.” Jason answered. He saw Julie looking like she wanted to say something. “Mom, would it be ok if Julie came with us? She probably needs to pick up new cleats too.”
Julie’s face lit up, but she waited to hear Jason’s mother’s response.
“If she would like to go, and if it is ok with her mother,” Kristine answered.
Julie said, “I would love to go. I don’t think Mom would have a problem, but I can call her after we finish dinner and ask.”
After dinner, Julie called her mother and asked if she could go with Jason and his mother to the mall the next day. She told her that they were going to pick up new cleats for baseball, and she could get her new softball cleats at the same time. Once again, Julie’s mom wanted to speak to Kristine to be sure that Julie was not imposing. Jason and Julie listened to Kristine as she spoke to Julie’s mom.
“No, it is no trouble at all. I have to take Jason for his; it is certainly easy enough to take Julie along…. They seem to be having fun. My husband Richard was a little late. They helped me with the table, but mostly they were listening to some CD’s and talking.” Kristine winked at Julie. “Well they are at that age when the opposite sex stops having cooties. Yes, this is the first time for me as well, but it’s just a sign they are growing up. I know you really don’t know Jason yet, and for that matter, I have just met Julie. She seems to be a pretty smart and sensible young lady to me, and I know that Jason thinks so. Well, yes, he also thinks she is very pretty, as he should since she is. I’ll tell you what, since it appears these two are going to want to spend more time together, why don’t we plan on having a picnic at our house next weekend, that way we will all get to know each other better. They will probably both have practices on Saturday, so how about Sunday, around 2ish? Great… Don’t worry about it; we’ll just do some hotdogs and hamburgers… If you insist, just bring something for desert. Oh of course Julie’s brother is welcome… absolutely. Ok… We are going to go start the movie in a few minutes, the movie is just over 2 hours, so we will probably not finish until just about 10, so is it ok if she is home by 10:30? Ok… We will drop her off by 10:30, thanks.”
“Ok, Julie you can come with us tomorrow. And so it begins, your mother is already concerned about you dating so young. Are you both ok with knowing that everyone is going to think of you as a couple?”
“Mrs. Anderson, Jason and I spoke about this… Sorry Kelly, but I think this is about your Jason side. We don’t see any reason I can’t be Kelly’s friend who is a girl, and Jason’s girlfriend. So when Mom asks, I won’t be lying when I tell her that Jason has asked me to be his girlfriend. He has, and I have told him that I would be. I am also going to be Kelly’s friend, and I’m going to help her to decide on just how much of a girl she wants to be. That part I won’t be telling Mom about, she doesn’t need to know.”
“Ok. Well, next Sunday your family will be joining us for a picnic, so we will all get to meet. Well all of us except for Kelly that is. As you say, she is going to have to stay away for the evening.”
“That sounds good to me, Mrs. Anderson. Once my parents get to know you and Mr. Anderson, this will be easier, because they won’t worry so much when I’m here. They will know that we will be what is that word… you mentioned it earlier… oh yeah chaperoned.”
“Julie, that makes them good parents. They just want to make sure you are ok.”
“Mrs. Anderson, they are good parents. They love Brian and me, and they do take good care of us, I don’t want you to think that they neglect us, because they don’t. They are busy with work though, and so we don’t spend as much time as a family as you all obviously do. I am not saying it is bad, just different. I kinda like the closeness that I see in your family though. I wish that I could believe that my mom would be able to handle Kelly, but she does not like things to be out of the ordinary. So we don’t subject her to it, and we don’t put Kelly at risk, it is simply not worth it.”
They all went to the family room and watched National Treasure, Book of Secrets.
When the movie was over, Jason went and got changed so that he could go with his Mom and Julie to take her home. He carefully washed off the makeup, and had Julie and his mother check to make sure he had gotten it all. When they got to Julie’s house, he walked her to the door, said goodnight, and waited while she opened the door and went inside, before turning around and getting back to the car.
When they had pulled out of the driveway on the way home, Jason thanked his mom for allowing Julie to come over.
“Jason, it was my pleasure. I like her. I think you got extremely lucky yesterday, and we are going to have to do better about it in the future, but things happen for a reason. Anyway, I think you have made a good friend.”
“I do too Mom. I do too.”
Chapter 15
Jason woke the next morning and laid in bed thinking about the last week. He had to put the gel pads back into his bra, as they were not held by the cups that were meant for a larger size. He ran his hand over his stomach and up his chest, feeling the material of his sleep shirt; he lingered over the small bumps from the pads. He could feel that pressing on his own skin, and thought about how much he would love for them to be real. Then he thought about Julie, and how much he would like to be touching her breasts, and then he thought about how much he would like her to be touching his breasts, and he almost had an orgasm on the spot.
At her own home, Julie woke up and was thinking about Jason. She thought about how he looked last night in his denim skirt, and pink tee. With the little padded boobs. She thought to herself that she would have loved to have played with them, and had Jason playing with hers. Knowing that what he had in his skirt was not ‘gross’ like the other girls, she found herself truly aroused for the first time in her life. She started to knead her own breasts, thinking about them being Jason’s. As she started to lose herself in her passion, a knock came on her door. She quickly got herself under control and said, “Come in.”
Her mother came in and said, “Good Morning, honey. Sleep well?”
“Good morning, Mom. Yes, I did. Just woke up a few minutes ago actually.”
“So, did you have a good time last night? We did not get much time to talk when you got home, since it was kind of late and I had to get the boys to settle down.”
“Yeah, it was nice. I enjoyed that movie when we saw it at the theatre, and Jason is a nice guy. His parents seem to be really nice too.”
“Jason and his mother did seem to be nice when we met at the mall the other night. I have to ask, are you thinking of Jason as a friend that is a boy, or as a boy friend?”
“Mom, I like him, he is handsome, and he is nice. I want him to be my boyfriend.”
“Well, I assume that since he asked you to come over, that he would like you to be his girlfriend as well. At least we know he has good tastes!” Julie’s mother teased her.
“Yes, he does.” Julie teased her mother back.
“I know that you already know about the birds and the bees, we had that conversation right before you first started your period, and I am sure that Jason is a nice boy, but I think we need to talk about ground rules if you are going to start dating. Ok.”
“Sure Mom. I understand. For what its worth, Mrs. Anderson made some rules pretty clear last night as well. Like no closed doors, we cannot be together without an adult present, etc. Most of the evening we were with Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, but before dinner, we listened to some CD’s in Jason’s room, which is on the same floor as the kitchen, with the door wide open. Mrs. Anderson came by and checked on us several times.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that, and those are pretty much the rules that I was going to put into place as well. But I also just want to make sure that you realize that first crushes seldom last for long. I don’t want you to get too hurt if things don’t work out. You are a very pretty girl, and will have lots of boys wanting to date you over the next few years. Enjoy yourself, but be careful.”
“Thanks Mom, I will. I love you.”
“I love you too, Julie. What time are they picking you up to go to the mall?”
“Mrs. Anderson said she had some things she had to do this morning, so it was going to be around noon.”
“Well, you better get ready, you slept in, its already quarter of 11.”
“I need to get moving then.”
Julie was just about ready when the doorbell rang, and Jason and his mother were at the door. She could hear her mother answer the door, and inviting them into the living room. Her mother yelled up the stairs to hurry up, that the Andersons were here. Julie grabbed her bag, and headed down the stairs. As she came into the living room, she heard her mother saying, “It’s ok with me, as long as Julie doesn’t mind.”
“Mind what, Mom?” Julie replied.
Kristine said, “Oh, hello Julie. I was just asking your mother if it would be ok if you stayed with us after the mall. I have a couple of other errands to run, and I have to stop at Jason’s Aunt Sally’s house to get some things. Your mother was saying that she did not mind, as long as it was ok with you. If you had other plans, I can drop you back here before Jason and I run the other errands we have to do this afternoon.”
Julie said, “I don’t have anything else going on. Kathy and Sue are both still out of town. I don’t mind going with you all. Besides I’d like to meet Jason’s aunt, and will her daughter Emily be there?”
“Yes, I’m sure she will be. I was telling Julie about Sally last night. Sally is Richard’s sister. Her husband was killed in a car accident a couple of years ago, so we often have Emily spend time with us, to help Sally out when she needs.”
“Oh my, it is hard enough to be a parent with both of us, I’m sorry she has had to do so on her own. How old is Emily?”
“She is just seven, and that is why we do our best to lend a hand, it is good that they live fairly close by.”
“That must have been so hard to lose her father when she was only five; it is heartbreaking, when things like that happen.”
“It was, but Emily is really great, and they both helped each other through it. Well, Julie, are you ready?”
Julie’s mom said, “Wait, you are picking up cleats for softball. Here is some money for them. I expect change, young lady; don’t go spending it on anything else.”
“Thanks Mom, I won’t.”
“Have fun.”
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 16 - 18. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: This section only had 3 chapters, because I have posted all that I have written so far. Please let me know if this is a decent size for a post, or whether you want me to hold off until I have more chapters done. Now that I'm caught up, I'll have to slow down a little bit, but I promise to keep at it.
Kristy.
Chapter 16
At the mall the first place they stopped was the sporting goods store, where both Jason and Julie picked out cleats for the upcoming baseball and softball season. Julie asked, “Mrs. Anderson, do you mind if I run into the shoe store, I never did get those sandals the other day.”
Kristine smiled, and said, “Of course not, Julie. No problem.”
The three of them went into the store, and Julie started to look for a pair of sandals.
Jason for the first time really noticed just how many different styles of shoes there were for women. “So many styles!” He said.
Julie looked at him and laughed, saying “Yeah, you are probably like my brother, one pair of sneakers, one pair of dress shoes, and a pair of winter boots. Plus the sports shoes like the cleats of course, but I don’t count those, there more like equipment.”
Jason said “Pretty much that is all a guy needs.”
Kristine said, “Women are expected to co-ordinate their entire outfit, including the shoes and purse. So we have to have different styles and colors of shoes to go with the rest of what we are wearing. While a man or a boy might have three or four pairs, it is not uncommon for women to have a dozen or more. Some women go a little bit overboard on it though. How about you Julie, are you a shoe addict?”
Julie said, “Not really, I mean I do have a soft spot for a nice pair of shoes, but I don’t go crazy about it. Sue on the other hand, can’t pass up a cute pair of shoes; she gets it from her mother. I’m just looking for some basic sandals. My old pair fell apart last week.”
Kristine said, “How about these?” She held out a white slide with crossover leather straps and side notches.
Julie looked at them and said, “Those are nice, let me see them. Do they have them in my size?” Julie looked through the boxes and found a pair in her size. She slipped off her flats and slid on the sandals. She stood up and walked in them and asked Jason, “How do they look?”
At Jason’s look of incomprehension, Julie laughed. “How about you, Mrs. Anderson, I’m sure you have an opinion. Jason, stick with me and you will certainly learn how to tell.”
Kristine held back her own chuckle, and asked “Julie, I think they look good. Are they comfortable?”
“Yes, they are. Ok, I’m going to get these.”
“Do you have enough? You were supposed to bring your mother change?” Kristine reminded her.
“Oh, I’m not using Mom’s money. I brought some of my own money, too. And yes, I have enough.” She replied.
“Ok, just making sure.”
Julie went up to the counter and paid for her shoes.
As they left the shoe store, Kristine asked, “Julie did you eat? Jason and I did not get a chance, and could really use something.”
“Actually, no I didn’t. I overslept and just barely got ready in time. I did have piece of fruit, but nothing substantial.”
“Ok, let’s get something from the food court. What do you like, Julie?”
“I can get something from most places, where are you thinking of going?”
“We would probably just pick up something from Wendy’s” Kristine answered, “But you can get something else if you prefer.”
“Wendy’s is fine.”
“What would you like?”
“Can I have a single, with a side salad instead of fries, and a diet coke?” Julie replied.
“Of course you can. Jason?”
“umm… I guess that sounds good to me too.” He replied.
Kristine raised her eyebrows, but decided not to say anything. “Ok… Why don’t you two go grab a table, I’ll get the food.”
“Ok” they replied.
They found a clean table, and Julie said to Jason, “I take it from your mother’s expression that that was not your usual order at Wendy’s.”
“No, but I think I need to start to eat a little differently.” He answered.
“Well, it won’t kill you to eat healthier then most boys do. That much is for sure.”
While they waited for Jason’s mother to come by, several of the guys from school noticed them and came over. “Hi Julie, what are you doing here with Jason.”
“Brad. I’m here with Jason because he invited me along.” She replied coldly.
“Oh really, he invited you did he? Well Jason, that took some balls, didn’t think you had it in you.”
Jason stood up, and said “Brad, I think it is time for you to move on.”
“Look at that, he does have balls. Jason, I’ll move on when I’m ready.” Brad pushed Jason.
“What the hell is going on here?” Kristine hissed as she came to the table with lunch.
“Nothing Mom. Brad was just leaving.” Jason said as he looked Brad straight in the eyes.
“Yeah. Nothing. We will pick this up another time, Jason.” Brad said as he and his buddies walked away.
“What was that all about, Jason?” his mother asked, after they were gone.
“I’m afraid it’s my fault Mrs. Anderson. Or at least it’s because of me. Brad has been trying to get me to go out with him for a while, and I have told him that I was not interested. He does not like being told no, and now he sees me here with Jason, and so he is taking it out on Jason. I’m sorry Jason, I know he is a bully.”
“Julie, don’t worry about it. I can take care of myself, and he won’t push me around, and Julie, you let me know if he bothers you too.”
“Jason, you stay away from him.” His mother told him.
“Mom, I won’t go looking for trouble, you know me better than that, but I have to be able to stand up to him, if it comes to that, because if I don’t it will only get worse.” Jason replied. “I’m sorry, but I’ve lost my appetite, can we take it with us?”
“Ok with me, how about you Julie?”
Julie was looking at Jason, and she said quietly, “that’s fine.”
They got to the car, and headed toward Sally’s house. The ride was quiet, as all three of them were thinking about what happened. Jason kept looking over at Julie, and finally he said, “Julie are you ok?”
“I’m fine.” She replied.
“Have I done something wrong?” he asked.
Julie sighed, “No, Jason, you didn’t… I guess I was just surprised that you were so, I don’t know, masculine in the way you responded to Brad. I guess I was thinking about how Kelly would have reacted, and oh… I don’t know. I’m sorry… I don’t know what to think.”
“Julie, I don’t like having to respond like that. In fact I hate it, but as long as I’m Jason to the world, there are certain things that I have to be prepared to do. I’m not much of a fighter, in fact I’m awful, but I know what happens to boys that don’t fight back, and I’m not going to be someone’s punching bag. I have found that bullies don’t like to actually have to fight someone that fights back. Most of the time simply calling their bluff is enough to get them to back down. I’m sorry; I wish it was not like that. I wish I could be Kelly and not have to deal with jerks like Brad.” Jason answered.
“Trust me, being Kelly would not prevent that. I am a girl and I have to deal with him. He won’t take no for an answer, and now he is going after you because of it.” She answered with more than a touch of annoyance.
“I’m sorry; I did not mean to imply that it was easier for girls. It’s not; I know that, it’s just different. I hate having to put up the macho front, Julie, but I have to do it. I’ve never seen Brad get physical with a girl, has he?”
“No, Brad hasn’t, at least not that I’ve heard of. He does have a temper, though, and I would not want to be alone with him. If he did decide to get physical, I would be so vulnerable, I could never push him away, because he is so much stronger then I am. That scares me. Seeing you today, I saw you fully as a man, standing up to him. I did not see Kelly in you there at all.”
“Julie, believe me she is here, but I had to suppress her then. Can you accept me, Julie? I don’t want to lose my new friend. Can you accept that when it is necessary, Jason will assert himself to protect himself, and you? Can you?”
Kristine continued to drive, wanting to intervene, but holding her breath to see what Julie was going to do.
Julie thought long and hard before she took a deep breath and said, “Yes Jason, I can. I hope that someday your real nature can be your public face, but I understand. I don’t want you to get hurt, so you have to do what you have to do to protect yourself. But Jason, unless you catch someone trying to physically harm me, I don’t want you to go all macho to protect me. Let me handle it myself, is that ok?”
“Ok, if you insist. But I will not stand by and watch someone attack you physically, I just can’t do that.”
“Understood,” she smiled and held his hand, “and appreciated. Mrs. Anderson, I’m sorry.”
“That’s ok Julie. You two had to work that out between you. I’m sorry that I don’t have a glass partition like a limo driver, so that I could have put it up to give you some privacy, as I’m sure that was difficult for both of you knowing I’m sitting here. I will tell you I’m proud of you both, because you got it right out, then you talked it through to come to an understanding. If you can always remember to do that, you may have a very long friendship, or more. That is really the hard part in a relationship.”
Chapter 17
A few minutes later Kristine pulled into Aunt Sally’s driveway.
“Mom, I thought you had some other errands to run before we got to Aunt Sally’s?” Jason asked.
“Well, I had intended too, but frankly I’m hungry, and I want to eat our lunch. I’m sure you would both like to now as well, so I thought we might as well just come straight here. Jason, please grab the food bag.”
“Sure Mom.”
They went up to the front door and Kristine rang the doorbell. Emily came and opened the door, “Mom! It’s Aunt Kristine and Jason! Jason, are you going to play with me? Oh, who are you?” Emily looked surprised at Julie.
“I’m Julie. I’m a friend of Jason’s.” she replied.
“Are you his girlfriend?” Emily asked wide eyed.
“Yes, I am, and you must be Emily. I’ve heard a lot of good things about you, I have been looking forward to meeting you.” Julie answered.
“Oh, well… It’s nice to meet you too Julie. Jason, will you still be willing to play with me?” she looked at Jason with a face that almost broke his heart.
“Emily, of course I will. You know me better than that! Do you mind if Julie plays with us too?” he looked at Julie, hoping she would not mind.
Emily’s face lit up bright as the sun, and said, “No, of course I don’t mind. Julie is that ok with you?”
“I would love to Emily. Can it wait until after we have had our lunch though, I’m starving!” Julie replied.
“oh.. Wendy’s! Did you bring something for me, Aunt Kristine.” Emily said excitedly.
“Oh dear, Emily, no we had not intended on coming here with it when I picked up lunch, or I would have called to see if you and your Mom wanted something. I’m sorry.” Kristine answered.
Emily looked disappointed, but her mother came down the stairs and said, “Kristine, that’s ok. Emily you just had lunch, you can’t be hungry. Come on in, no reason to hang out on the stoop.”
Kristine, Julie and Jason came in, and they followed Sally to the kitchen. Emily followed them, but quickly decided that she was going to go back to playing her video game in the play room.
Kristine said, “Sally, this is Jason’s girlfriend, Julie. Julie, this is Sally.”
“Julie, its nice to meet you.”
“Thank you. It is nice to meet you as well.”
They all sat down at the table, and Jason passed the sandwiches and salads to his mother and Julie. While they were eating, Sally asked, “So, Jason how are things going?”
“Aunt Sally, I can’t tell you how good this week has been. Oh and by the way, Julie knows about… well you know.”
“I see. Well that will make things a little easier for you, and means I can relax and ask more straight forward. How did your first session with Dr. Daniels go?”
“It went well. He seems really nice, and we talked a lot about things.”
“I spoke to your father the next morning; he said he thought it was going to help you a lot. So I hear that you will be spending some time helping around the house, has that started?”
Kristine said, “yes, in fact that is how Julie came to find out about things. She saw us at the shoe store of all places and overheard us talking. We are going to have to be a whole lot more careful in the future.”
“Oh my, yes that could have been awkward. Julie, that must have seemed awfully strange to you.” Sally asked.
“I was surprised, and I felt bad for eaves dropping. Jason had always been a nice guy, and I felt like I had violated something special between him and his mom. I know I did not do it intentionally, but I really felt bad. I kept quiet so that I could think about what I should do about it. I could not stop thinking about it that night, and decided I wanted to let Jason know, and to help in any way I could. So here we are.”
“Well you are a remarkable young lady then. I think that most girls your age would have been on their cell phones, or texting away and spreading the gossip around before they even got out of the store.”
“I’m not like that.” Julie said quietly. “But I know that a lot of the girls are. I’m just glad it was me, and not someone like Courtney.”
Jason shuddered at the thought.
Kristine said, “Well, it was a lesson learned. We will have to be much more careful going forward. I know that Richard asked you to think about how to handle things with Emily. I know that you and Emily will be supportive, but since this has to stay a secret, that might be a bit much to ask of her.”
“I know, and I have given it a lot of thought. I think that she will understand, and I don’t think that it will do her any harm to be asked to keep this quiet, but I can’t guarantee that she won’t forget and say something at the wrong time, without even realizing she is doing it. I’m ok either way, but it is your secret Jason, it’s you that would be taking that risk, so I think it should be your decision.” Sally replied.
“I’ll have to think about it. I don’t want to hide it from Emily, but let me give it some serious thought.”
“Fair enough. One way or another, though, I do want to meet my niece some time.”
“and Kelly, wants to meet you too, Aunt Sally.”
“Kelly. I like it. You know you had a great, great Aunt Kelly. She was a strong lady, and was very active in the women’s suffrage movement. I think she would have approved.”
“I did not know that, but I think that is great.” Jason replied.
Emily came back in looking for Jason and Julie. “Are you done eating yet? I want to play.”
Jason said, “I’m done, Julie are you coming?”
“Yup, let’s go.”
Jason and Julie joined Emily and went into the play room. Emily had set up her tea table for three places, and asked them if they would like some tea. They both thanked her, and sat on the small chairs. Emily poured.
They spent the next hour playing with Emily, at whatever games she wanted. As might be expected many of the games were quite girly. Julie watched Jason playing with his little cousin and saw Kelly through the boy again. It made her feel warm inside, and she felt the acceptance solidify in her even more. She had been startled this afternoon, watching Jason react so strongly as a boy. She had not expected it, and it had bothered her. After all one of the reasons she was not interested in boys was that aggressive hard aspect. But as she thought about it more, she started to really comprehend how difficult this was going to be for Jason. For now at least, he was going to have to walk a fine line. She certainly knew that being a girl was not easy, but she had just gotten a hard glimpse at the difficulties a boy faced, and the thought of Jason, who was going to have to deal with both sides in his life, well her heart went out to Jason and to Kelly.
She knew that part of her job, was going to have to be helping Jason to walk that balance, to be able to be Jason when he needed, and to help him find Kelly’s strength as well.
Chapter 18
The rest of the weekend had passed. Julie had stayed for dinner on Saturday night, got to see Kelly in her new Navy dress, and then had to go home. Sunday they both had to be other places and did not see each other.
Jason and Julie agreed to meet up at lunch.
“I want to sit over there,” Julie pointed over toward the table that Jason was sitting at with his friends John and Steve.
Kathy and Sue looked at her like she had two heads, and said, “what is going on?”
“Jason and I got together this weekend. We had a really good time, I like him.” She answered.
“oooh… Julie is finally interested in a boy! And it’s Jason Anderson. Why him Julie? I mean he is a nice guy, I’ll grant you that, and he isn’t Quasimodo, but he isn’t Johnny Depp either. Julie, almost any of the boys would like to be with you, so why him?” Kathy asked.
“I don’t know, I just like him. I think he is cute, and I don’t like Johnny Depp.” She stuck her tongue out at Kathy.
“Ok. Ok. I’m just teasing. Julie if you like him that is good enough for me. But don’t expect us to date his friends for you!”
“I won’t ask you to, although John and Steve are not so bad. You might find you like one of them, if you give them a chance.”
Kathy and Sue shared a look and said, “Not!”
“Well, be nice anyway. Please” she pleaded with them.
“Oh ok.” They laughed, and went with Julie to sit with Jason and his friends.
“Hi Jason, do you mind if we sit here?” Julie smiled at Jason.
“No, of course not, Julie. Hello Kathy, Sue…”
“Hi Jason, Hello Steven, Hi John.” Kathy replied as they sat down.
John and Steven stammered, and replied, “oh… yeah, Hi.”
The girls giggled.
Kathy looking at Jason, said, “So Jason, I understand you and Julie had a fun weekend.”
John and Steven looked over at Jason with surprise.
“Yeah, I had a good time. I hope you did too, Julie.” Jason said, ignoring his friends.
“Yes, I did. The movie at your house on Friday was fun, and I loved meeting your cousin Emily on Saturday, she is such a sweet heart. I think she has a crush on her older cousin.” Julie smiled.
“Well, she has had a tough time, as you know. I just try to be a good cousin.”
“I know Jason; I think it is great that you are so good with her.” Julie replied. Then she turned to Kathy and asked her, “how was your weekend at your grandparents?”
“Oh, it was fine. Mom and I went shopping with my Grandmother, and got some cute stuff. We also saw a show at the local theatre; it was pretty good, all in all. How about you Sue, how was your weekend with your Dad.”
“It was ok. His girlfriend was there though.” She said, and it was obvious she did not like her father’s girlfriend.
They continued to make small talk. Brad and his buddies came to the table.
“Well Jason, you don’t have your mother here to protect you today, do you.” Brad sneered at him. “Now isn’t this fascinating. Julie, Kathy and Sue slumming with this crew.”
Julie, said, “Brad, what business is it of yours who we sit with. Why don’t you go crawl back under a rock.”
Kathy added, “Brad, I’ll sit with anyone I darn well chose to, and no Neanderthal is going to tell me otherwise. John, would you care to go for a walk.”
Sue, said, “What she said, Steven?”
John and Steven, both looked at them confused, but then quickly said, “um… sure, of course.” They took their arms and headed out to the field.
Julie stared at Brad, who then turned to Jason, “Hiding behind a woman again. Letting Julie and your mom fight your battles. Pansy.”
Jason stood up, “Brad, I’m not hiding. Anytime, you want to step outside.” Jason stared him right in the eye, and bared his teeth.
Brad broke the eye contact first, “I can’t afford to get suspended again. But I’ll catch up with you outside of school.”
Jason, replied, “Fine, name a time and place. I’ll be there.”
“Just wait. You will see.”
“Fine, like I said Brad, anytime.”
Brad walked away, and Jason sat down. “I’m sorry Julie. I know how much that bothers you.”
“No Jason, you were right the other day. The only way for you to deal with Brad is to face him down. You called his bluff, and it worked.”
“For now, he won’t go one on one with me now. He is more likely to get a couple of his buddies and try to ambush me on the way home, but hopefully I can avoid that.”
“Well let’s go find Kathy, Sue and John and Steven” she replied.
“Yes, before John and Steven have dropped dead from shock.” He replied.
Julie giggled, and said, “You know Brad could not have done anything more to push Kathy’s buttons. She may actually try to get to know John now.”
“He is a nice guy, she could do worse.” Jason replied.
“I’m sure you are right. Well lets go find them.”
They cleaned up the table, including their friend’s meals and then went out to the field.
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 19 - 21. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Chapter 19
Jason managed to avoid Brad that afternoon, though he was not sure whether that was because of the way he had faced Brad down, or if Brad was simply biding his time.
The next day at lunch, as Julie and her friends came out of the lunch line, Kathy and Sue looked at each other and said, “I suppose you want to sit with Jason and his friends again.”
Julie replied, “Do you really mind?”
“No, not really, we’re just teasing you. Yesterday was certainly entertaining. I thought John and Steve were going to pass out when Kathy and I asked them to take a walk in response to Brad.” Sue said.
“I know, but really they seem nice enough. When Jason and I found you, you both looked to be having an alright time with them.” Julie answered.
“Yeah, they were kind of funny. To be honest, we did apologize once we got outside for using them that way, and they said it was ok, and that they understood. I was glad, because they are nice and they don’t deserve to be used.” Kathy said, and then added “But that doesn’t mean we want to date them.”
Julie just smiled and said, “Fine, I never asked you to date them. I just want you to be nice.”
They walked over and sat down with Jason, John and Steve.
Kathy said, “Hi boys. It is ok if we sit here isn’t it?”
John quickly said, “Hi, no problem at all.” Jason and Steve quickly agreed.
Sue asked, “So, do you think we will get through lunch today without any dramatics?”
Jason just shrugged. “I don’t know. There is only so much we can do about Brad.”
Kathy said, “You know it was all around school yesterday afternoon how you stood up to him. You even challenged him. It really surprised a lot of people. That was very brave of you.”
Steve added, “Brave, it seems more like suicidal to me. Brad can beat the crap out of Jason, and everybody knows it.”
Jason said, “Look, I wasn’t trying to be brave, and I’m certainly not looking to get beaten up, but it’s either stand up to him, or knuckle under. I’m not going to do that. If it comes to it, he will probably beat me up, but he is going to know he was in a fight. Hopefully he will decide it isn’t worth it. I’m more worried about him getting his buddies to help him. I was expecting him to be waiting for me last night though, and I did not see him. But I really don’t think it is over.”
John said, “Not damn likely. You just wait, he is just waiting. He is not as stupid as he acts sometimes; he knows if you get beaten up right now, everyone, including the teachers will know it was him after yesterday.”
Jason replied, “That’s kind of what I was thinking too.”
Julie answered, “Well, you be careful. I’m just sorry that this is happening because of me.”
Jason said, “Julie, this is not happening because of you. Are you the only girl that Brad has tried to get to go out with him that has said no?”
Kathy and Sue both said, “Hell no! He has hit on a lot of the girls.”
“So if he had seen me with either of you at the mall, do you think it would have been any different?”
“No, it probably would have been exactly the same.” Kathy said, and Sue shook her head in agreement.
“There you go. So it is because he saw me with a girl. He thinks that because he is bigger and stronger than me, that I should not have a girlfriend if he doesn’t have one. It is an affront to his manhood, don’t you know.”
Julie said, “Gee, that’s nice Jason, what you are really saying is that ‘Julie you aren’t anything special, it could have been any girl, I’m the one he was upset over.’ I’m glad you think so highly of me.”
“Julie, you know that I think you are special. The fact is I would not have been there with anyone but you.” Jason replied.
Julie laughed, “I know, Jason. I had to tease though.”
Meanwhile, their friends shared a look, and rolled their eyes, and Kathy said, “Ok you two, that’s enough of that, you will send me into diabetic shock.”
From there conversation turned to more mundane topics, and when they were finished eating, they all cleaned up, and headed out onto the field together. Lunch time came to an end quickly, and they all parted to head off to their respective afternoon classes.
At the end of the day, Jason, and his friends John and Steve walked home together.
John said to Jason, “So you and Julie seem to be getting along pretty good. That was quite sudden. What happened?”
“Well, I was out with my Mom the other night at the mall, and Julie, Kathy and Sue ran into us while I was waiting for my Mom to pay for some things she had picked up. We just started chatting. Then as you saw she and I talked some more at lunch last week, and found we had a number of things in common, so I asked her to come over Friday night. She did, and we had a good time.”
“Wow, you are so damn lucky. Why can’t something like that happen to me?” Steve asked.
“Maybe it will. You and Sue seemed to be getting along ok yesterday when Julie and I found you.” Jason replied.
“Well… I like her, and I would like that, but you know darn well that was only because they wanted to piss off Brad, because they did not like what he said. They even apologized to us when we got outside for using us like that.” Steve said.
“Just be yourself. Let her get to know you, and you never know.”
“Look at that, he has been dating for three days, and now he is the expert.” John gave Jason a light shove.
Jason laughed and pushed him back.
“So, I’m on the Mets, what teams are you on? With all that nonsense with Brad yesterday, you never told me.” Jason asked.
“I’m on the Cards” John said.
“and I’m on the Dodgers.” Steve said.
“Too bad, we are all on different teams this year. Oh well, may the best team win.” Jason offered his hand, and the others shook on it.
They came to Steve’s house and Steve told them he would see them the next day, as he went into his house. John and Jason continued on and soon came to John’s house and John went on in. Jason took a deep breath and continued on toward his own house. He kept alert, and was careful as he passed blind areas where Brad and his friends might be waiting for him. Fortunately, he came to his own house without a problem, and went on in. He let out his breath, and thought to himself. “What the hell have I gotten myself into?”
He got changed, and felt himself relax as he did so. He worked on his homework, until it was time to help his mother get dinner ready.
“Everything ok honey,” she asked?
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“Are you and Julie getting along ok?”
“Yes, she’s great. I still can’t believe everything that has happened in the last week, but that part is wonderful.”
“So what is bothering you? Come on you know I can tell that something is.”
“It’s Brad. He came after me again at lunch yesterday. Nothing really happened, but I don’t think it’s the end of it.”
“You want me to call the school. You know they don’t tolerate bullying.”
“Mom, they can’t be everywhere. I have to handle this on my own.”
“Jason, damn, I’m sorry. Kelly. You don’t have to face these things on your own. Something can be done about this guy.”
“Mom, it’s ok, I’m still Jason, no matter what I’m wearing. I like the name Kelly, and when you call me that it makes me feel accepted, but don’t worry about it if you forget. Ok. Anyway, if you go to the school, what can they do? He hasn’t touched me yet, except for a small push and that was at the mall. All it will do is make him more determined. Please, let me deal with it. If it gets out of hand I will let you know.”
“Ok… but be sure you do.”
“I promise.”
Chapter 20
“So Jason how was your week?” Dr. Daniels asked Jason.
“It was pretty incredible.” Jason replied. Jason went ahead and told him all about going shopping, meeting Julie and her friends at the mall. Then about Julie confronting him with having overheard his mother and himself at the shoe store, and how she had become his girlfriend as a result. He also mentioned the run-in with Brad.
“Well, seems like you had a very busy week. You got pretty lucky with Julie. She seems like a very, very nice young lady.”
“Oh, she is, Dr. Daniels. She is fantastic.” Jason said.
“So how did you feel when your Mom told you that you were going to go shopping, and what you were going to pick up.”
“It was like a dream come true. I kept expecting someone to jump out and tell me April Fools or something.”
“I can imagine. How much of your time have you been spending dressed?”
“Most of the time when I’m home. Mostly evenings. And of course I have the nightgown for bed as well.”
“When you are dressed, are you finding yourself aroused?”
“No, not really. I’m just relaxed, mostly. It was great on Friday night, with Julie over. She was helping with my makeup, and it was just comfortable.”
“How about Julie, I know you think she is nice, and she is acting as a female friend, but also as your girlfriend.”
“Well that is a bit confusing. On the one hand, she is beautiful and I look at her and I just want to be with her. On the other hand, I am jealous of her because she looks so good, and I would love to look like that. And then there is the part that is just enjoying having her as a friend, and knowing she is helping me to look as good as I can, and to learn as much as I can about what being a girl is all about. It is so confusing.”
“Well that is going to take some time for you to work through. Julie presents a challenge for you because she is complex, she wants to be your girlfriend, but she also wants to be your female friend. You two seem to make a good pair, if you can continue to work through all of this.”
“As for Brad, you need to be very careful, people that act like that are frequently quite violent when they are embarrassed. And it sounds like you embarrassed him publicly yesterday. I suspect he will be trying to find a way to get at you, without risk to himself. If it escalates at all you need to let your mother and the school authorities know.”
“I will.”
Dr. Daniels continued to delve into Jason’s feelings about the last week. Towards the end of the hour, he asked Jason to step out and to send his mom in.
“Hello Mrs. Anderson, how are you and Mr. Anderson handling things? Jason had a busy week.” Dr. Daniels asked Kristine after they had sat down with the door closed.
“It’s been a little tough. Thursday we went to the mall and got Jason some clothes and Richard got to see him for the first time dressed. He really was wonderful with Jason, made sure that Jason knew that he was accepted. We talked that night, and he admitted to me that it had really been hard. Seeing Jason in a skirt, with small breasts. Jason does not really look like a girl even then so that makes it hard.”
“How about you, what did you feel, you went with him to the store, picked out the clothes etc.”
“I just kind of tried to imagine we were buying for a girl that Jason knew. But I have to say that night when we got home and he was trying on his clothes, and he put the add-a-cup pads in, the look on his face… Doctor, Jason is never giving this up. I just knew it right then. I’m going to have to accept that fact, because I love him, and I won’t lose him to this. Richard is the same.”
“Jason is very lucky to have you both as parents.”
“Well, he is a great son, and I guess he will also be a great daughter as well. We will get used to it, and if that is what it takes, we will work to help him with his appearance. Puberty is not helping, he is going to have hair problems, it’s already starting. But I know there are ways to deal with that. My sister-in-law Sally has some friends that can help with that.”
“Good. How about Julie?”
“Oh… God, did we get lucky with her. I can’t believe I was that careless! We got caught the first time we went out. That could have been disaster. But she really is something, and she is not only not put off by his dressing, she is actually turned on by it. I’m going to have to watch those two closely, because they are walking hormones. And then her mother doesn’t know anything about the Kelly aspect, or that Julie is not interested in boys per se. I feel guilty not telling her mom, but I just can’t do it and put Jason at further risk.”
“I understand, but I would not beat yourself up over it. You would have handled it, even if you had been caught by someone not as discrete as Julie, you are such a strong family. As for Julie’s parents, you barely know them. Trust Julie for now, maybe she is underestimating her parents, maybe not, but you have to trust her on this for now.”
“I know. And she has earned that trust at this point.”
“Yes, she has.”
Chapter 21
Jason again got through the day on Thursday without running into Brad. He, Julie and their friends had settled down to eating together as routine. Jason noticed that her friends were relaxing more around his friends, and he wondered where that would lead. He knew from Julie that they had initially not been interested in John and Steve, but neither of them was sure that would continue. Jason did not know whether to encourage his friends or not. He decided that discretion was the better part of valor and to let things take their course naturally.
He had baseball practice on Thursday night, so he could not get dressed when he got home. Instead he got on his baseball pants, and a t-shirt, and worked on his homework until it was time for practice.
When the team had all arrived, He was relieved to see that Brad was not on his team. Jason did quite well in the drills. He wasn’t the best player on the team, but he was not the worst by far. He had played second base the last year, and was most likely going to play there again this year.
Jason enjoyed the practice, and looked forward to playing games once the season started. Because of the wet winter, the league had started practices a little late, so they would only have about two weeks of practices, games would start a week from Saturday. Jason’s team had practices on Saturday, and then another on Tuesday night. They were going to try and get another one, but the coach did not think they would be able to get a field, so he was not going to know until next week.
He got his schedule from his coach and brought it home with him.
His mother looked over the schedule and saw that some of the games were on Wednesday nights.
She said, “We need to make a copy of this and bring it with us to Dr. Daniels next week. You are going to have to miss a few appointments; I don’t want to pull you from games, that is not fair to your team.”
“Thanks Mom, I was wondering about that.”
Jason had gotten changed out of his baseball clothes and was now dressed in his Capri’s and a Tee. “Mom, can I invite Julie for movie night again tomorrow?”
“I don’t see why not. Have you given any further thought about Emily?”
“I really want to say yes, but I don’t know what to do. What if she says something to Grandma or Grandpa, or worse in front of Aunt Jessica?”
“That is the concern. We will ask her not too, but she is only seven. It is a risk.”
“What do you think I should do?” he asked his mother.
“I don’t know honey. It’s a tough decision. I don’t want to deal with Jessica finding out. But Emily does not spend much time with them, so I don’t know how much of a risk that is. She does see your grandparents more often though. But I really think that they will keep come to accept you as well, and even before that I can’t see them telling Jessica. I think it’s a small risk, but a risk.
“Well if you and Dad are ok with it, then it’s ok with me. I’ll take my chances.”
“Well, I’ll talk to your father tonight, and assuming it’s ok, we can invite them over for Saturday night dinner. Sunday we have the Sanders coming, and we can’t do it then.”
“Sounds good to me. Thanks mom.”
They were just finishing up with making dinner, when Jason’s father got home. “Hello ladies, how was your day?”
“Pretty good, hon.”
“Me too, Dad.”
“How was baseball practice, Kelly?”
“It was good. I got Coach Osborn again, will probably play mostly second base.”
“Good, I liked him. He was good about remembering that this is a rec league. Not one of these guys that is all about winning, and not about having some fun. Of course, winning helps make it fun. Your team did well last year.”
“Yeah, second place, not too bad. We have most of the same kids, a few of the older kids moved up a league, and a few new younger kids, but the core is basically the same. John is on a different team this year, for some reason.”
“That’s a shame; it was fun having him on your team last year.”
“Honey, dinner is ready, why don’t you go get cleaned up, and Kelly and I will put it on the table.”
“Ok, be out in a minute.”
They sat down a few minutes later to dinner. Jason’s father quickly agreed that it would be nice to invite Julie over again for movie night. “I really like her,” he said.
They discussed the pros and cons of telling Emily, and decided that they would go ahead and invite Sally and Emily over for Saturday night. That decided, they cleaned up dinner, watched some TV and then it was time for bed.
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 22 - 23. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: Sorry this one is a bit short, but it is all I had time to write, and I felt it was a good stopping point. Also, please be warned, this episode does have some strong language. I do not intend on over using such language, but in this particular section, I felt it necessary.
Chapter 22
The next day at school Jason found Julie and asked her if she would like to come over again for movie night that night. Julie said that she would like to but that she would have to check with her Mom to make sure. Then she asked him if he would like to come with her, Kathy and Sue on Saturday night, they were planning on seeing a new movie.
“I’m sorry, Julie, I would really like to, but Mom invited Aunt Sally and Emily over and I have to be there.”
“Oh, so you decided to go forward with that did you?”
“Yes.”
“Darn, I wish I could be there for that, but I already promised Kathy and Sue.”
“I think Mom wanted this to be small, so that we could explain things to Emily.”
“I can understand that, but that does not mean I don’t wish I could be there. I like your Aunt and Emily.”
“Well, I think it’s a given that you will have plenty of opportunities to get together with them. And we will be seeing your family on Sunday.”
“Yes, that is going to be interesting.”
Later on in the morning, on his way from his social studies class to his math class, Jason was walking when he was suddenly pushed from behind. Falling over, his books sprawled all over the hall. He tried to look back to see if he could see who did it, but could not see through the crowd.
“Damn it.” He said, and started to pick up his books. Some of the other kids helped him get his books, and looked on with sympathy. He got himself composed and headed off to math class.
When lunch time came Julie and her friends sat with Jason and his friends without even needing to discuss it, as it was now simply assumed.
Sue was the first to bring up the incident in the hall, “So are you ok. You know it was Brad don’t you. Everyone is talking about it.”
“I did not see him, but it had to be him or one of his pals.” Jason answered.
“I told you he wasn’t going to let it go.” John said.
“I know. I did not think he would.” Jason said.
“What are you going to do?” Julie asked.
“Nothing, I can’t prove anything. I’ll just have to watch out more.”
“You be careful.”
“I will. Let’s talk about something else, ok?”
When lunch ended they once again headed off to their own classes. Jason was careful to keep very aware of who was around him the rest of the day. On his way to his locker at the end of the day, he saw Brad waiting nearby. He took a deep breath and went to his locker.
As Jason opened his locker, Brad came over and said, “I’m going to get you Jason, just you wait. This is not over.”
Jason looked at him and said, “Fuck off, Brad.”
“What did you say to me?” Brad asked incredulously.
Jason slowly put his books in his locker, closed the door, turned toward Brad, stared him right in the face, and said, “Fuck you.”
Brad’s face showed his seething rage, and he said, “I am going to kick your ass, you know that.”
Jason sighed, “So you keep telling me Brad. I don’t know what you think that is going to prove though. If you manage to beat me up, that will just confirm you are the asshole that everyone already knows you are. Of course since you have rather publicly gone after me I’m sure that assault charges will be filed. If I on the other hand manage to win, you will be a laughing stock, because no one expects me to win. The really stupid thing about it all is that none of this is going to get you anywhere with the girls, which is supposedly what you are upset with me about. So are you planning on following me home today, so we can get this over with, or you just gonna keep talking about it?”
Brad looked around and saw that they were being watched by a bunch of the kids. “What are you all looking at? Get out of here.” He turned back to Jason and said, “There’s too many people here right now, and I have baseball practice tonight, so I don’t have time to kick your ass today. But you keep watching your back, I’m going to get you, when you least expect it.” Brad pushed Jason hard against his locker.
“Promises, promises.” Jason replied.
“Mr. Johnson! Get your hands off him.” Mrs. Jeffries said. Brad turned his head to see the school guidance counselor looking at him. “Break it up. If I see any more of that, you will both be suspended. You know there is zero tolerance for fighting in school. Now get your stuff and go home.”
Brad let him go and headed down the hall toward his own locker.
Jason took another deep breath, opened his locker and got his things. John and Steven met up with him for the walk home. They all tried to avoid discussing it any further.
When Jason got home, he went into his room, fell onto his bed and started shaking. “What the hell am I going to do?” he thought to himself. He curled up in a ball and just started sobbing. Eventually Jason felt wrung out, so he got up, pulled out his jean skirt, and his nice peasant blouse. As he got dressed he could feel the stress flowing off of him. A few minutes later the phone rang, and it was Julie.
“Hi Jason, Mom says it’s ok for me to come over tonight, as long as it is ok with your mom.”
“I asked Mom, last night, so I know its fine with her.”
“Cool. Mom says she has to drive by your place anyway, so she is going to drop me off. Is 5:30 ok?”
“Sure, Mom should be home in a few minutes, so that won’t be a problem.”
“Ok, good. I’ll bring my CD’s again, if you would like.”
“Umm… oh! Yes, please that would be wonderful.” It had taken him a minute to realize that she meant her makeup.
“I’ll see you around 5:30 then.”
“Great.” Jason answered.
Chapter 23
As he hung up the phone, he thought, “oh, damn… I’m going to have to get changed again. Well I don’t have to right away.”
Jason sat back down and tried to think about everything that was happening in his life. On the one hand, he loved that he was now free to be Kelly when he needed to be. It just felt so natural to him to sit here, dressed in a skirt, wearing a bra and all the other things that a teenage girl should be wearing. And his feelings for Julie were mind boggling. He still could not believe that she was interested in him, both as a boy and as a girl, that with her he did not even have to choose between Jason and Kelly.
This was all so fantastic. But this thing with Brad scared the heck out of him.
Then there was tomorrow night. On the one hand, he wanted to share Kelly with Emily. He knew that Emily would love having another girl in the family. She was the only girl of all his cousins, and he just knew that she felt let out sometimes. But on the other hand, bringing her into the little circle that knew about Kelly was quite a risk. He knew that if he thought that things were tough now at school, he could just imagine what would happen if Brad ever found out about Kelly.
And yet, he just could not imagine giving up being Kelly. Whatever happened, he was sure that Kelly was going to be a part of his life forever. He knew that his parents were hoping this was just a phase. They had been so great since he had first told them. And unbelievably great since his first session with Dr. Daniels, hard to believe it was just over a week ago. But he could tell that they were struggling quite a bit with it. He could see it in their eyes, even though he knew the love and acceptance they gave him was real.
He heard his mother’s car pull in the driveway, and soon he heard her calling out, “Jason?”
“In my room Mom” he called back to her.
His mom came to the door, which was open.
“Hi Jason…. Oh… sorry, Kelly.”
“Hi Mom.”
“So are we going to be seeing Julie tonight?” she asked.
“Yes, her Mom will drop her off about 5:30.”
“I don’t think you should meet her at the door dressed like that.”
“No, I know, I’m going to have to change again. I wasn’t thinking, when I got changed. But since I was already changed, I figured, I’d wait until I had to, before I changed back.”
“Well, you should probably do it soon, just in case they get here a little early. How was school today?”
Jason looked at his shoes, and said, “Fine.”
“Jason. What happened?”
Jason proceeded to tell his mother everything. By the time he was done, he was almost ready to cry again. Kristine was livid, and when Jason mentioned that Mrs. Jeffries had threatened them both with being suspended, she was ready to take on the world.
“So let me get this straight, she sees you get shoved into a locker, and does nothing more than break it up, and then tell you that if she saw that again, you would both get suspended.”
“That’s the rules, mom. Zero tolerance, she said.”
The conversation was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell.
“Damn, look at the time! Kelly, you have to get changed, that is probably Julie and her mother. Hurry up; I’ll go let them in.”
Kristine headed out to the front door, closing Jason’s room door behind her. Jason quickly got out of his skirt, hose, bra and shirt, and put back on his jeans and the t-shirt he had been wearing that day at school. He quickly put it all in a drawer, and then headed out to the living room, where he found Mrs. Sanders and Julie.
His mom and Mrs. Sanders were talking about the situation with the school, and what to do about Brad.
“Hi Jason, Julie tells me your having a bit of a problem with Brad Johnson.”
“Yeah, I seem to be his target of the week.” Jason answered.
“Julie says you have been quite brave, standing up to him. From the way Kathy and Sue have been talking about it, you have impressed the whole school. Be careful though, that is a dangerous game to be playing against someone that is as unstable as Brad Johnson.”
“I’m doing the best I can.”
“Well, we can talk more about it on Sunday. Have fun tonight. What time should I plan on picking up Julie?”
“Don’t worry about it; I’ll bring her home again, Shelly. Somewhere between 10 and 10:30 when the movie is over, if that is ok.”
“That’s fine, as long as it is not too much trouble.”
“No trouble at all.”
With that, Mrs. Sanders kissed Julie and headed out the door.
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 24 - 25. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Chapter 24
“Ok Kelly, let’s go get you ready for the evening.” Julie said. Julie and Jason headed into his room, and Jason retrieved his clothes.
“I had to do a quick change, back into boy clothes to come out and greet your Mom.” Jason told her sheepishly.
“Yeah, that outfit would have had my mother’s head spinning,” she laughed.
Jason went into the bathroom, got changed and came back into his bedroom.
“So Kelly, do you want me to teach you how to do what I did for you last week? I know it’s not perfect, but it is a start?”
“Yes. I would love to.”
“We are going to need a mirror. I know you don’t have one yet, and I could not sneak mine over here. Let me go ask your Mom if she has something we can use.”
“Ok”
Julie went and found Kristine. “Do you have a mirror that Kelly and I can borrow? I want to teach her how to do what I did for her last week.”
“I don’t have a portable mirror. I usually get ready in our bathroom, you saw it last week when we got the hair dryer.”
“Oh. Yes, I guess if I had a bathroom like that I wouldn’t be doing mine at my desk.”
“Well, the double vanity is nice. Particularly when you are married, I get my side, Richard has his. And since the shower and toilet have their own little room, it is very convenient in the morning.”
“I can imagine. I have to share a bathroom with my brother. Ewww.”
“I guess I am going to have to pick up a makeup mirror for Kelly. Tell you what; the guest room has a dresser with a large mirror. Take a couple of chairs in there to work.”
“Ok. Thanks, Mrs. Anderson.”
“No problem.”
Julie went and got Kelly, and they grabbed some chairs from the kitchen and brought them into the guest bedroom. Julie worked with Jason showing him what she had done last week. She made Jason do it himself, and they would clean it off and keep doing it until he got it right. Kristine came in to check on them after a while, and sat down on the edge of the bed and kibitzed. Kristine made a note of what Julie had used, so that she could pick Jason up his own supplies.
They were still sitting in the guest bedroom, mostly done but talking about various make up techniques and what was appropriate for what situations and generally just laughing and having a good time, when Richard came in looking for them.
“Hello ladies, I was wondering where you all were hiding.”
“Oh… Hi honey, I’m sorry we did not hear you come in.”
“Hi Dad.”
“Hello Mr. Anderson.”
Kristine got up and gave her husband a hug. “I had planned on making that roast for dinner tonight, but I did not get it in the oven. Kelly and I had some things to talk about and then Julie got here, and I’m afraid, we are going to have to save that for tomorrow night. Any objection to pizza?”
“No, that’s fine with me, Kris”
“Girls?”
Julie and Jason both said they were fine with pizza. After confirming that everyone liked pepperoni, Kristine said, “I’ll go call in the order.”
Richard went to get changed into comfortable clothes. Jason and Julie put away Julie’s make up supplies, and brought the chairs back to the kitchen. They then went ahead and set the table for dinner. Kristine said that it would be nice to have some salad with the pizza, and asked if they would toss it.
They both agreed, and Jason and Julie worked together chopping the various ingredients. They soon had the salad together and on the table. It wasn’t too long before the doorbell rang and the pizzas were delivered. Jason made sure to stay out of site as his mother answered the door and paid for the pizza.
After dinner, they all went into the family room, and Kristine said, “I think we should let Julie pick tonight’s movie. Any objections?”
Richard and Jason both agreed. Jason showed Julie to the cabinet with the Anderson’s fairly extensive DVD collection. Julie looked through, and came across one that made her laugh. “I think it has to be this one.”
As she took the DVD out and showed it, Richard and Kristine both laughed, and Jason blushed. She was holding up Tootsie.
“Ok, Tootsie it is then.” Richard took the DVD and popped it into the machine.
Julie sat next to Jason on the couch, took his hand and whispered, “Are you ok?”
“I’m fine. If I couldn’t laugh about it, I don’t know what I would do. Besides it could have been Mrs. Doubtfire, at least Dustin Hoffman looks pretty decent as a woman.” Jason assured her.
Julie laughed and said, “Especially in that red dress on the cover. I’ve never actually seen this movie, but I’ve heard about it. Mom had a crush on Dustin Hoffman. We were watching this weird movie, Stranger than Fiction, and Mom was drooling over him. Dad was teasing her about him in Tootsie.”
With that they settled down and watched the movie.
When the movie was over, Jason had to get changed again, and clean the makeup off his face. Kristine and Julie made sure that he did not miss anything, and they brought Julie home. Jason again walked her to the door, said goodnight, and waited for her to go inside.
Later that night Richard and Kristine were in their room getting ready for bed.
“Well, what do you think? Are we doing the right thing here?”
“Yes, I think we are. I had never really seen it before, but there really is a girl inside of Jason, dying to get out. It is not just the clothes. Sitting in there with Julie and him, it was just like when I was a girl hanging out with my friends. If we try to stifle that, what will it do to him?”
“I don’t know hon. I don’t want to lose my son.”
“Richard, Jason will always be your son, no matter what happens, even if he ultimately becomes your daughter. You know he is still going to enjoy ball games, and hockey and the other things that you two have shared. And I know we were worried about him finding someone to spend his life with, but maybe that is not as impossible as we thought. Look at Julie. She is really wonderful. I know they are only fourteen. But it just shows that there are girls out there that won’t spurn him. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”
“I know that, Kris. I will handle it, you know that.”
“I do, because you are a great father. We have a bigger and more immediate problem to deal with.”
“Oh… What is going on?”
Kristine filled him in on what had been going on with Jason and Brad.
“Well, I guess he knows how to be a man.”
“Richard!”
“I’m not saying that as a knock. I’m actually proud of him for standing up to this kid. He is going to need that strength if he is going to face the world, especially if he ever comes out as Kelly.”
“Rich, he has to find ways to deal with things without having to fight.”
“I know, Kris that is not what I’m saying. He hasn’t fought. He has just shown this kid his inner strength, and has the guy thinking about whether it is worth it or not. Now he needs something to help diffuse the situation. This kid isn’t likely to back down. I do think it is time we had a chat with the principal on Monday, although Jason is right, they can’t be everywhere and it is likely to make the kid more determined, I think it has to go on the record that we know about the situation and we will press charges if this kid lays a hand on Jason. I suggest we go there on our way to work.”
“Ok.”
Chapter 25
Jason got up in the morning, and got ready for baseball practice. His mother dropped him at the field, and told him she would be back in time to pick him up. Jason kept his mind on the drills. When it was his turn for batting practice, he found he was able to focus on the ball better than he had the year before. He was taller, and he could reach the balls on the outside of the plate better than before and he was stronger, so he was hitting the ball harder.
Coach Osborn was impressed with the improvement in Jason’s hitting, and told him “You are going to surprise some people this year Jason. Your bat speed has definitely improved, and your reach. If you can get some time in a batting cage, you are going to be a pretty good hitter.”
“Thanks Coach! I’ll talk to my dad about it.”
Kristine picked up Jason after practice. They went back to the house and Jason grabbed his new bathrobe and took a shower. When he was finished, on his way into his room his mother told him, “Kelly, we have to run to the mall, so please hurry and get dressed.”
Jason was a little disappointed because he was going to have to dress in his boys’s clothes. When he was ready he asked his mother, “What are we going to the mall for Mom?”
“A couple more outfits for Kelly, and a new dress for tonight.”
“Oh! Why?”
“Because you really need a couple of more things for the evenings, and I want you to really look nice tonight for Sally and Emily. Of course if you don’t want to….”
“No… I want to, just wasn’t expecting it. Thanks Mom!”
“We are going to go to the mall in Springfield though, so we have to get moving.”
“Not taking chances. Look at how well the last one worked out.” Jason said.
“No, not taking any more chances. We won’t get that lucky next time.”
“I know Mom. I’m just kidding.”
They made the hour drive to the mall in Springfield. They headed into the mall and headed to the juniors section and started in the dress section.
They had to rule out a lot of them. Kristine said quietly to Jason, “Kelly, you need something that has sleeves and full front coverage. I don’t know how well a strapless bra would work for you, and you need something to hold up your breasts.” That ruled out a lot of the dresses that they came across, and they were getting discouraged when they found a dress that Kristine thought might just be perfect. “Kelly, this may be exactly what we are looking for.”
The dress she was holding was a ruched turtleneck, draped little black dress. It had puffy cap sleeves, and ruching throughout. It had a flyaway panel on the left hip.
“This would be your first LBD. But there is no way to be sure without trying it on for size. It looks like it is sized kind of small.”
“LBD?”
“Little Black Dress. It would be overkill normally, but we are looking to make tonight special. I’ll dress up, too. Sally and Emily are already planning on dressing nicely, because I warned her.”
“How can I possibly try that on?”
“Come on.” She took the dress, and they headed over to the boys section. She grabbed several pairs of jeans, and said loudly, “Jason, come on I need you to try these jeans on.” She took him into the boys changing room. They found an empty stall, she handed the jeans and the dress in, “Ok, try on the jeans.”
Jason went into the room, put the jeans aside and got undressed, and put the dress on.
Kristine said, “Are you ready?”
“Yes.”
Kristine made sure no one was around, and said, “Open the door, let me see.”
Jason opened the door, and Kristine went in with him. “Ooh… that looks great. Turn around.”
Jason turned around slowly.
“Ok, that works. Go ahead and get back in your regular clothes.” She opened the door a smidge, checked that no one was right outside, and then stepped back out.
Jason took off the dress put on his clothes and grabbed the jeans and folded the dress. He opened the door, his Mom quickly took the clothes, and they headed back to the juniors section, dropping the jeans back on the shelf as they passed.
They then looked for some other tops. They found several more cute tops and a couple of more capris in different colors.
They also stopped at the drug store in the mall and picked up the cosmetics that Julie had used, and a lighted makeup mirror.
“We are going to have to pick up a different pair of shoes for you, though. Here we go again.” They headed into another shoe store. Kristine grabbed some footies, and they looked for some shoes that would go with the LBD. They found a strappy pair of sandles, with a fairly low 2 ¼ inch heal. Black with rhinestones along the upper straps.
Jason tried them on, while Kristine kept a look out for others. He stood on them, it was clear that they fit, so he quickly changed back to his sneakers.
They stopped and grabbed a snack at the food court, and headed out to the car.
On the way home, they talked about their escapade in the changing room.
“I have never been so nervous in my life, Mom.” Jason admitted. “But it was exhilarating.”
“I know what you mean, and I said this morning, no more risks! But that dress really does look good on you, and it will work with a regular bra.”
When they got home, Jason got changed into one of her new tops and capri pants, and came out to help her Mom with getting dinner started. They were having the roast that they did not have the night before. Jason was asked to work on peeling potatoes. His Mom prepared the roast, and put it in the oven, then came and helped Jason finish with the potatoes. Jason ran the vacuum for his mom, and she went and worked on finishing the laundry, she had started that morning while Jason was at practice.
Jason’s father came home. While he did not always work on Saturdays, he had been putting in a little bit of time for the last couple of months on a big project.
“Kelly, it’s time to get ready, Sally and Emily will be here soon. Richard, get cleaned up, and we are having a formal dinner tonight, please.”
Richard said, “Oh, what is the occasion?”
“Sally and Emily will be meeting Kelly for the first time, so we are going to make it right.”
“Ok. Sounds like a reasonable excuse for a party to me.”
Jason went into his room, got out his new dress, and removed the tags. He put on a slip, and hose. Then he sat at his desk, and pulled the mirror out of its box. He put on his makeup, just as he had learned last night from Julie. It took him a couple of tries, but he finally got it as close as he could.
He put the cosmetics and the mirror into one of the drawers in his desk.
His mother knocked on the door. “Kelly, can I come in?”
“Sure, Mom.”
She came in and saw Jason in his slip just getting up from putting on his makeup. “Oh good you remembered that you needed to do that before you put the dress on. Now be very careful as you pull it on, so you don’t get makeup all over it.”
She helped him to pull it on safely. He put on his sandals, and had to struggle a bit for balance.
“Kelly, you look really nice. We really need to do something more about your hair, but it is simply going to have to do for tonight.”
“Thanks Mom.”
Kristine was wearing one of her little black dresses as well. It was a sheer-neck beaded dress. “Mom, you look really good too.”
“Thanks Kelly.”
They headed out to the living room, where Richard was waiting for them. Richard was turning on the lights, as it was a little dark in the living room with the drapes closed. He was wearing his black suit and a tie, when he turned and saw Jason, he said, “Oh my. Kelly, you look.. Really nice.” Jason could see the surprise in his eyes, and he wasn’t sure how he should take that. He decided it was a complement, and said, “So do you Dad.” Jason carefully walked into the living room, gave his father a hug.
He took his arm and walked him over to the recliner to sit. Jason, carefully sat making sure to keep his skirt from getting caught up.
“So, Kristine, how is this going to be done? Is Sally going to talk to Emily before they get here, I would think that would be better than having Emily just seeing Kelly without any warning?”
“Yes, Richard. Sally and Emily were going to discuss it today. Sally called just a little bit ago, and told me that she had sat down with Emily this afternoon to discuss it. She said that Emily asked a lot of questions, but that she had been very proud of her. They also talked about how some people might not approve of Jason, and Emily immediately brought up Tom and what he had said at Billy’s birthday. So they talked about how it was important that we only talk about Kelly with people that know her. Sally asked her if she wanted to meet Kelly, and Emily was quite sure that she did. Then Sally told her they were going to get all dressed up, like for a fancy party and come to our house and meet Kelly. Emily was quite happy; you know she loves to dress up.”
Richard chuckled, “Yes. Well good for her then. Kristine, since this is a party, would you care for a cocktail?”
“I believe that I would.”
“I’ll make a Shirley Temple for you Kelly.”
“Thanks Dad.”
A few minutes later the doorbell rang. Kristine went to answer the door, and let Sally and Emily in. Jason stood up, and waited for them to come into the living room from the front hallway. He could hear Emily saying, “Where is Kelly? Am I gonna meet her now?”
“Emily, please be patient. You will meet her in just a minute.” Aunt Sally said to her daughter.
“Kris, is Kelly ready for us?”
“Yes, she is right here in the living room. Emily, she has been really looking forward to meeting you.”
Sally and Emily followed Kristine into the living room. Sally had a bag that she brought in with her, with a box wrapped in pink paper with bright ribbons.
Emily broke free of her mother’s hand and ran into the living room, seeing Jason she stopped in her tracks. “Jason! Oh… You look so pretty in that dress.”
Sally said, “Emily, when Jason is dressed like that he would prefer it if you would remember to call him Kelly.”
“That’s ok Aunt Sally. That may take Emily a little getting used to, I have to think about it myself still. Emily, thank you. I feel pretty in this dress. I really like it, and I hope that you do too. You are very pretty in your dress tonight as well. And you too, Aunt Sally.”
“Thank you Kelly. I have a gift for you. Maybe you and your Mom and I can head into your room and you can open it. It’s not something you are going to want to open out here.” Sally looked over at Jason’s father.
“oh… Ok.”
“Emily, you wait here. Perhaps Uncle Richard can fix you a Shirley Temple like the one that Kelly is drinking, would you like that?”
“Yes, Mommy. Would you please Uncle Richard?”
“Of course, come with me, Emily.”
Emily went off with Jason’s father, and Sally, Kristine and Jason went to his bedroom.
Sally handed him his present.
Jason took it, and sat down at his desk. He carefully removed the bow, and the ribbon, and then peeled back the wrapping paper. There was a plain off white box, without any markings. He opened the lid, and he saw two forms that looked like his gel pads, but bigger.
Kristine said, “Sally, you shouldn’t have… Those are expensive.”
Sally said, “Kelly, your Mom mentioned that the pads she bought really were not the right size for a girl your age. I spoke to a friend of mine that has a shop that caters to a variety of people and he was able to give me a good deal on these. Kristine, I got them at his cost, it was not nearly as expensive as you think it was. I wanted to do this for my new niece. They should only be about a small B on you Jason, but they will seem huge to you I’m sure.”
Jason had to remove his dress in order to put them on, so he carefully pulled it back up over his head. He removed the gel pads, and put them in their box, and put in his new fuller forms. These fully filled the cups on his bra. They felt heavy, and he could feel an actual pull on the straps of his bra, that he had not really felt before. As he moved, he could feel them moving as well. They felt wonderful.
Jason put his dress back on, then he said, “Aunt Sally, Thank you so much!” He hugged her tight.
“You are welcome, Kelly. It is my pleasure.”
They headed back out into the living room. Richard’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw Kelly’s new features. Emily said, “Jason.. I mean Kelly you got Boobies!”
“Emily!” Sally said, “You know we don’t discuss other people like that.”
“I’m sorry Mom. I’m sorry Kelly.” Emily looked like she was going to cry over being scolded.
“It’s ok, Emily. It is a bit of a change.”
“I’ll say.” Richard said quietly. Jason looked at his father, but did not reply. His father mean time shook it off and said, “Sally here is your drink. Kelly you still have yours, and Kristine?” They all showed him their drinks. “Then, let us drink to Kelly. Welcome to our world, may you find peace and happiness, wherever life takes you.”
“Here, here.” Sally said in reply, and everyone but Jason raised their glasses to Jason, and drank.
Jason said, “Thank you, and may I say, To Family, the strength that makes it all possible.”
To that they all took a sip from their drinks. They sat in the living room and talked about things. Emily started to get antsy, so Jason took her into the family room and they set up the Playstation. He let her pick a game and then played along with her.
“Kelly, why do you want to be a girl?” Emily finally asked.
“I don’t know Emily. I just do sometimes, other times I’m happy enough being a boy. But it’s just something I need to try out, because there is this part of me that has always felt off.”
“It’s not because of what Tom said to you is it? Boys can play with dollies too.”
Jason smiled, “I know that Em. This has been coming a long time before that conversation. I’m doing this for me, not for Tom or anyone else.”
“Good. What about your girlfriend Julie? Does she like Kelly?”
“Yes she does. That is kind of what got us together. She found out about Kelly, and she decided she wanted to be my friend. Then she decided she liked me as more than just a friend and so she was happy to be Jason’s girlfriend.”
“Is Jason going away?”
“I don’t know, Emily. Not right now, and maybe never. But even if I were to become Kelly permanently, the part of me that is Jason, and that loved his little cousin and enjoyed playing games with her, is never going to go away.”
“Good. I could not like Kelly if she was going to hurt Jason, and so far I really like Kelly.”
“I like you too, Emily. In fact, I love you, just as much as Kelly as I do when I am Jason.” He reached over and they hugged.
“Mommy says I can’t tell anyone about you.”
“Well, it would be best if you didn’t. Some people don’t understand. Like Aunt Jessica and Tom. What do you think they would say?
“I think they would be mean, just like Tom was.”
“Yes, and they don’t really need to know, at least not for now.”
“Ok.”
“Thanks Em. I love you.”
“You too, Kelly.”
Sally came in and said that it was time for dinner. She sent Emily off to wash her hands. “How you doing Kelly?”
“I’m pretty good. Thanks for everything Aunt Sally.”
“Nothing to thank me for, I haven’t done anything.”
“Yes you have. You have shown me love, and support, and I think that you have helped my parents as well.”
“Maybe a little, but they were already on the right track. Let’s go eat, I’m starving.”
They sat at the table, enjoying a nice meal of roast beef, mashed potatoes, green beans some salad and cornbread. Then they headed back out to the living room, Emily was getting tired, so they put her in the recliner, with her portable DVD player and headphones.
The others spent the evening just enjoying each other’s company. Jason enjoyed just being there, nobody really treating him any differently based on how he was dressed. He just was himself.
When it was time, Sally gathered up Emily, gave them all kisses, and said goodnight.
Jason headed into his room, got ready for bed and quickly fell asleep. It had been a long but good day.
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 26 - 28. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: Thanks to Joni W for editing this section for me!
Chapter 26
Jason woke up the next morning and felt an unusual pressure on his chest. It took him a moment to realize that he was sleeping on his stomach, and what he was feeling was his new breast forms pushing into his chest. He just laid there for a while enjoying the sensation. Eventually though he got up, put on his bathrobe and headed out to the kitchen. He found his mom sipping on her morning coffee.
“Good morning, Kelly.”
“Good morning, Mom.”
“So, what did you think about last night?” Kristine asked.
“It was really nice. Aunt Sally is great, and Emily is going to be cool about it. We had a nice talk while we played video games.”
“Good. Hopefully she will remember to keep it quiet though. That is my biggest concern. I really don’t want to deal with Jessica.”
“She will do her best Mom.”
“I know honey. She is a sweetheart, she wouldn’t deliberately hurt you.”
“No she certainly would not.”
Jason made himself a bowl of cereal and sat down.
“Mom… Are you and Dad ok? I know this has been happening so fast. Most of the time you both seem to be, but I know it is hard. Dad really seemed to be struggling last night.”
Kristine took a deep breath, let out a sigh, and said, “We are fine, Kelly. I won’t lie to you, it is hard. We don’t really understand why you feel this way, but we get that you do. For myself, I can see the girl inside you now, trying to get out. I don’t know her yet, but I am coming to know her, and I know that I will love her, just as much as I have always loved my son. It is hard though, because it feels like we are losing our son, even though we are gaining a daughter. I think that is particularly hard on your father. But he loves you, and he will accept you. You did shock him last night, when you walked out with breasts. You came a lot closer to looking like a girl last night. It hit him pretty hard, but give him credit, he recovered fairly quickly, because he does love you. Don’t let it worry you, Kelly. You have to figure out what is right for you.”
“I’m sorry Mom.”
“Kelly, you don’t have anything to be sorry about. You need to feel free to be who you are. Right now you are just exploring this part of you that has been hiding for a long time. I have never seen you more happy and content than last night.”
“It was just so nice to be sitting there with you and Dad, and Aunt Sally, and feeling truly accepted as Kelly. Not talking about it, just being relaxed as myself. I can’t describe it, I felt so good.”
“Good. Ok, Julie and her family will be here around two, we need to get the house cleaned up. It doesn’t need much, but let’s get it done.”
Jason threw on a pair of leggings and a top, and then he and his mother worked on getting ready for company. His father took care of the yard work, and getting the deck area ready.
When they were done, Jason got ready to take a shower. He cringed as he had to take off his breast forms. It was like losing a part of him. He shook it off, hopped into the shower.
Putting on his bathrobe, he gathered up his other things and headed back into his room. He put his clothing in his hamper and put the forms away.
He got dressed in his boy clothes.
A little after two, the Sanders arrived. Jason let them in, and invited them into the living room. His mother and father soon came in, and after introductions all around, they all headed out onto the deck.
Mr. Sanders said to Jason, “So I hear you are playing baseball this spring. Julie says you are on the Mets.”
“Yes sir, I am. In fact that reminds me, Dad; Coach Osborn thinks I’m going to be a much better hitter this year. He suggests that I could use some time in a batting cage. He said that since I’m a bit taller, I can cover the plate better and I’m also a bit stronger.”
Richard looked at his son and said, “Well, we will have to get over to the batting cage then.”
“That is definitely the way to improve your hitting. I should take Brian and Julie over as well. Julie does quite well in her softball league. Brian made the all-star team last year.”
Kristine said, “You know, we have a bit of time before we were going to eat. Why don’t you guys take Julie, Jason and Brian over to Funland. They have batting cages. Shelly and I can hang here and get to know each other.”
Richard said, “I’m game. How about you Ken?”
“Sure why not.”
They all agreed, so Richard agreed to drive, Ken got into the front seat, and Brian, Julie and Jason sat in the back. Jason rather enjoyed the tight quarters of the rear seat with Julie in the middle. They got to Funland, and bought a number of tokens for the batting cages. Julie and Jason went first. Julie set on softball, Jason on baseballs. A bit rusty at first, they both quickly zoned in on the pitching machines patterns, and were quickly slugging the balls quite hard.
Brian and his father went next. Then Richard and Jason went again.
They continued rotating around for an hour or so, before packing it up and heading back to the Andersons.
Kristine and Shelly had spent the time talking. Mostly they talked about Jason and Julie, reminiscing about their own first loves.
When the batting contingent returned, they found the ladies laughing and sitting sipping iced tea out on the deck. Richard said, “So are the problems of the world resolved?”
“Sure, we just agreed that we just need to vote out all of the men and replace them with women.” Kristine teased back.
Richard and Ken looked at each other then back at the women and said “Phblt” making the noise often called the Bronx cheer.
Everyone laughed.
“Richard, why don’t you light the grill? We’ll start to bring out the food and get this picnic down to business.” Kristine said.
Richard nodded and started taking the cover off the gas grill. Jason, Julie and their mothers went to start bringing out the makings of the picnic.
“Brian, get off your butt and give us a hand. Nobody had to tell Jason to help.” Shelly told her son.
“What about Dad?” he asked her.
Ken said, “I’m helping Richard, you go help your mother.” He went over to where Richard was lighting the grill. Shelly rolled her eyes, but said to Brian, “Come on, ask Mrs. Anderson what you can bring out.”
“Hey that’s a nice grill. You have it hooked up to the house gas?”
“Yeah, I got pissed off the last time I ran out of propane right in the middle of cooking a steak. So I had a line run out to here. I needed a new grill anyway, so I got this one, which can be configured to work with either propane or natural gas.”
“I’ll have to look into doing that.”
Jason brought packages of Italian sausage. “Mom said you would need these first.”
“Yup they take the longest to cook. Thanks Jason. I’m going to need a garbage bag and a plate.”
“Ok, I’ll get them for you.”
Richard opened up the packages of sausage and put them on the grill. Jason brought him his garbage bag and the plate; he also brought the barbeque utensils. “Thanks Jason.”
Jason headed back inside to continue helping to bring out the food.
“So I hear that Jason is having a bit of trouble with Brad Johnson.” Ken said.
“That is what I’ve been told.”
“From what Julie has said, he has stood his ground so far, but she is worried that Brad will corner him with some of his friends.”
“That’s about the size of it. I know he wants to handle it on his own, but Kristine and I are going to stop by and have a chat with the principal tomorrow. Jason can handle himself just fine, but with the way things are these days, you just don’t want to take any chances. God knows if pushed enough, it could get worse than a simple fight. I certainly don’t want to be on the national news because everyone just ignored it. This kid Brad seems to be completely out of control.”
“I agree. Especially since from what Julie tells me it was just seeing her with him that set him off in the first place. Thank God, Julie did tell this brat no. But I am pleased to see that Jason is willing to stand up to the bully to protect her, and he seems to be very respectful of her as well.”
“Jason is a good son.” Richard said quietly, shaking his head he added, “I have no doubt that he will treat Julie very well. They are young and they are the first boyfriend, girlfriend for each other, so this could be over before next weekend, or it could go on for years. No way of knowing. But I can say that he has excellent tastes. Julie has spent a fair amount of time here the last couple of weeks, and she is a remarkable intelligent, likeable young lady. Kristine and I have very much enjoyed her company. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, she is also a very pretty young woman. I know that Jason thinks so too.”
“Well I’d have to be blind to not notice it, but you know, she is still my little girl. It is taking a little getting used to that she has a boyfriend. But from what I have seen so far, I do like Jason, and I think she has chosen well. Frankly, Shelly and I were starting to get a little worried. Kathy and Sue, Julie’s two best friends have been talking about boys for a couple of years already. Julie would join in the talk, but never really seemed all that interested. So we were pleasantly surprised when all this came about.”
Richard nodded his head in acknowledgement, stared at the grill, and worked on turning the sausages.
Shelly came out carrying a couple of bottles of beer, and said, “We thought that you might need something to quench your thirst from slaving over a hot grill.”
“Thanks Shelly.” Richard said.
“Thanks honey.” Ken said putting his arm around his wife.
Julie came out next, bringing a plate with hot dogs and hamburgers. “Mr. Anderson, here, these are for when you are ready for them.”
“Thanks Julie. Just put them right over here.” He pointed at a side table that was near the grill.
As the sausage came off the grill, Richard cooked some hot dogs, and some hamburgers. The table was set with all kinds of food. Potato salad, fruit salad, garden salads, shredded lettuce, sliced tomatoes, red onion, sautéed mushrooms and onions, ketchup, mayonnaise, brown and yellow mustard, pickles, relish and a variety of salad dressings, were all set up on a long table. A second table was set for sitting at.
Everyone fixed themselves a plate, and sat down to eat.
“Kristine, there is enough food here for 20 people!” Shelly said.
“I know, but I figure what we don’t eat today, we can have as leftovers tomorrow. If you like, I can send some home with you too.”
After dinner, Jason got a Frisbee out, and the three kids threw it to each other for a while. The adults kicked back on the deck and talked. When it started to get dark, Richard lit the outdoor fireplace and they sat around and roasted some marshmallows.
The evening passed, and since it was a school and work night, they broke it up around ten o’clock. Jason held Julie’s hand and walked her out to the car, with the rest of her family, as well as his mom and dad. They said their good nights. Julie gave hugs to both Jason’s parents. Jason hugged Julie’s mother, and shook her father’s hand. Brian just said goodnight. Julie gave Jason a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, and got in the car.
As they pulled out of the driveway, Jason felt his cheek. His first kiss from a girl. That little kiss had gone through him like a shock.
“Come on, lover boy. Time to go inside,” his mother said.
Chapter 27
“So Richard, what did you think of Julie’s family?” Kristine asked.
“They seemed very nice,” he answered. “I feel really guilty though. Like we are lying to them and that they really should know about Kelly. When you were getting the food and Ken and I were getting the grill going, he told me that they had been concerned about Julie not liking boys, and that they had been pleasantly surprised when she and Jason got together. I really did not know what to say. I could hardly say, well you were right, your daughter is only interested in Jason because he is part girl.”
“I know, Shelly said something similar when you all were out at the batting cages. I got the impression that Julie might be wrong about her parents, but I can see why she thinks what she does. They are really very conservative. Not overbearingly so though. But we just have to let it be for now. Who knows how long they will be together. It may be that they never really need to know.”
“True enough. But I really don’t like keeping secrets about someone else’s child. I would be pretty upset if the places were reversed.”
“So would I, but I still don’t think we can betray Julie’s trust at this point.”
“No. So how did you feel, watching your son get kissed by a girl? Even if it was just a kiss on the cheek.”
“Old. My baby is not old enough to be getting kissed by a girl.”
“I thought he would fall over right where he stood. I bet he doesn’t go to sleep at all tonight.”
Kristine laughed. “Well I’m going to. I’m exhausted.”
With that they turned off the lights and went to sleep.
The next morning they got up and all headed to the school. They arrived a little bit before the opening bell. They all went straight to the office and asked to speak to the principal. They were escorted to some chairs just outside the principal’s office.
A little while later, the principal came out of the office and invited them in.
“Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, Jason. What can I do for you this morning?” He asked.
“We want to report a situation that is occurring that has been escalating. Jason has been having trouble from another one of your students. While the first incident happened off of school property, it has been continuing to occur here.” Kristine spoke and then related a carefully edited version of the facts. She left out the language and minimized Jason’s confrontational response.
“I had a report of an incident on Friday, from the school guidance councilor.” He replied.
“Yes, on Friday, Brad shoved Jason into a locker, and she broke it up, and told them that if she saw anything like it again they would both be suspended. I find that completely unacceptable.” Richard answered.
“Mr. Anderson, fights are rarely completely one sided. I have heard your side, but I have not heard Brad’s side.”
“Mr. Conklin, you know as well as I do, that bullies pick on kids they know cannot, or will not, fight back. Suspending both kids is just not right.”
“Nevertheless it is the school policy.”
“Mr. Conklin, I will tell you right now, that if my son is hurt in any manner by this boy, I will hold you and this school personally responsible. Not to mention the boy and his parents. I have already spoken to my attorney, and we will file any relevant claims against both you and the boy’s parents. Perhaps you should warn them.”
“Very well, Mr. Anderson. I will speak with my staff and we will keep a lookout for any altercations. I will also speak with Brad and his parents.”
They took their leave; Jason was given a late pass and sent off to his first class.
The day was otherwise uneventful, until once again at the end of the day, Brad was waiting for him at his locker.
Jason once again, took a deep breath and prepared to be met by Brad.
“So you told your parents. Hiding behind your mother are you. Just wait. I will get you.”
“Brad, you keep saying so, but I still have not seen any evidence. My parents heard about it from someone else’s mother. You know as well as I do, the whole damn school has been talking. What was I supposed to say?”
“You just keep your mouth shut, like a man, not a pussy. But I knew you weren’t a man.”
“Maybe not, if being a man means being an asshole like you.”
Brad looked around, saw Mrs. Jeffries watching them, and whispered, “I will get you. You wait and see.” With that he turned and walked away again.
Chapter 28
Things began to settle into a routine. On Wednesday nights, Jason would talk with Dr. Daniels, unless he had baseball. Jason and Julie would spend Sunday’s at his house; Julie would come over early, giving them most of the day together to enjoy as Kelly. Most Saturday nights they would get together with John, Steve, Kathy and Sue. Sometimes they would get together at Julie’s house, sometimes at Jason’s, and sometimes at one of the other friends homes. Sometimes they would do something like ice-skating or a movie.
The first time they were able to get together, just the two of them, after the picnic, Jason showed Julie his new LBD. Julie said, “Oh, that must look great on you. Let me see.” Jason went into the bathroom and got changed. This was also the first time she had seen his new and improved breasts.
“Oh my god! You have real boobs.” Julie exclaimed. “They look great.” Then quietly she said, “Actually they look quite hot.”
That statement went straight to Jason’s penis.
Julie said, “Kelly, can I touch them? I know your mother is right out there, and we can’t do much, but I really, really would like to see how they feel.”
Jason thought he might just orgasm on the spot. They could hear his mother working in the kitchen, so he replied, “Yes. But it will have to be quick.”
Julie came over to him, reached out and brushed her hand over his right breast, and then cupped it lightly. She said, “It feels very real.” She took his hand and put it on her breast, “See.” And she let out a soft moan. Then they both pulled their hands back, knowing that if they didn’t they would get caught.
“Julie, I…”
“I know Kelly. Me too, I think it may be a long night.”
“Yeah. I could use a cold shower right about now.”
Julie laughed, and said, “I’m sorry. I’d help you if I could. Why don’t you go get changed, that dress is overkill for tonight.” She whispered, “I won’t get upset if you take a little long, just think about me. I know that I will be thinking about you first chance I get.”
“Um… ok.” Jason blushed, grabbed his outfit for the night and practically ran into the bathroom.
Julie later told him that she had indeed, “Thought about him, repeatedly, later that night.”
He assured her that he had as well.
One Sunday afternoon, Jason and Julie were watching a movie, and Julie said, “Kelly, could you believe Kathy and Steve last night?”
“You mean doing all the couple’s skates together! Not to mention John and Sue. I would have been much less surprised to see Kathy and John, and Sue and Steve.”
“I know. After all of their protesting too! I wish you could have come to the ladies with us. I have to teach you about girl talk. You would have been most amused. Anyway I was teasing them about what they had said to me when we first started. Kathy blushed! Kathy never blushes. She said, to me ‘I know… I was wrong, what can I tell you. He is just such a nice guy, and he is actually kind of cute. And we have been hanging out together so much, well, I saw something … Oh, damn, now that song from Beauty and the Beast is going through my head. You know that one about something being there that wasn’t before?’”
Jason laughed at the thought. “Great, just what I need is for Steve to be thinking of himself as Beast.”
“Yeah, well better Steve then John. John already has a bit of an ego. Though he is really nice too, and he is treating Sue wonderfully. He brought her flowers! They actually went out to the movies last Friday night, just the two of them, did you know that?”
“No. He did not tell me. Well I guess I can’t complain too much, there are things I have not told him either.”
Jason had not had any further run-ins with Brad at school, or for that matter outside of school. He was hoping that Brad had moved on to something (hopefully not someone!) else.
It was several weeks later on a Saturday afternoon, when Jason’s team the Mets, was finally playing the Tigers. Jason discovered that Brad was on the Tigers, and was pitching that day.
Brad was the cleanup hitter as well as the pitcher for his team. Jason’s Mets were the home team, so Brad’s team was up to bat first. Sean, the pitcher for the Mets started off a bit wild, and walked the first two batters. The next batter swung at a bad pitch, but managed to connect just enough to put it in just the right spot, and loaded the bases for Brad.
With the count two and one, on Brad, he hit a hard line drive towards the second base side. Jason made a dive to his left, caught the ball, got up and flipped it to the second basemen to double off the man on second. Brad threw his helmet in disgust when he got to the bench.
The next batter popped out to the shortstop and they got out of the inning without giving up a run.
Jason did not get up in the first inning, as Brad struck out the first three batters.
The Tigers did not score in the top half of the second inning either.
Brad gave up two singles to start the second inning, and walked the next batter on a close call with a 3 and 2 count, bringing Jason up with the bases loaded.
Jason could see the rage in Brad’s eyes. The first two pitches were wild. Brad’s coach came out to calm him down. Jason watched Brad take a deep breath, and took a curve ball for strike one. The next pitch just missed, so the count was now three and one.
The next pitch was like slow motion to Jason, he watched it come in, straight down the middle. He swung as hard as he could, made contact, and hit a solid ground ball just beyond the reach of the shortstop. Two runs scored, as the left fielder played the ball into the infield.
The Mets went on to score 3 more runs in that inning, making it five to nothing.
The next time Jason came up, it was with no one on base. Jason got into the batter’s box. He could see the look in Brad’s eyes. The first pitch was way inside, and Jason dropped to the ground to avoid it.
The next pitch, there was no avoiding. It came right at his forehead. Jason turned his head just in time, but it still hit him solidly on the helmet. Jason collapsed at the plate.
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 29 - 31. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgendered nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: Thanks to Joni W for editing this section for me!
Chapter 29
The crowd erupted in anger. Everything seemed to happen at once. Coach Osborn rushed to Jason, while yelling at the umpire, Brad and the coach of the Tigers.
Brad tried to give an innocent look, putting both arms out in a questioning way, saying, "What, it slipped."
The Tiger's coach ran out to the mound shouting at Brad, "Not on my team!"
The umpire immediately pointed at Brad, and said, "You, you are out of here. That was deliberate."
Meanwhile, Jason was holding onto his head, his coach had reached him and said, "Jason, hold still. Are you ok?"
Brad was arguing with his coach and the umpire. The crowd, made up of families from both teams, was united in yelling at Brad. Brad finally walked off the field, into his dugout and kicked the helmets, dumped the box of practice balls, and threw the water cooler. He was completely out of control.
Brad's coach and one of his assistants, finally grabbed hold of Brad, and sat him forcibly down on the bench.
"Brad, you sit right there, and don't move. Don't say another word. Nobody on my team pulls the kind of stunt you just did. You sit there, and I don't want to hear another word from you. I have not seen your parents today, are they here?"
Brad shook his head no; his eyes glued on the scene at home plate.
Jason was now sitting up; he had taken his helmet off, and was sitting on the ground. His coach was kneeling in front of him. Kristine and Richard were close at hand as well.
"I'm ok, Coach, really." Jason said.
"Jason, that was a pretty good hit on the head, we have to make sure. Thank God you got your head turned at the last moment; it was headed right for your nose."
"Coach, it hit the helmet. It felt like a bell ringing around me, and knocked me over, but I'll be ok."
"Ok, stand up slowly, take it easy."
Jason got up slowly. Took a couple of good deep breaths, and closed his eyes. The umpire and the Tiger's coach came over, and asked, "Is he ok, Coach?"
"I think he will be. Jason, take your base, but I am going to put in a pinch runner. I think you need to sit out the rest of the game. You look pretty shaken."
Jason made the obligatory attempt to protest, but really did not push too hard.
Jason walked to first base, and the crowd clapped in acknowledgement. Once he touched first base, Coach Osborn sent out a pinch runner for him, and Jason walked into the dugout, to another round of applause.
The rest of the game was uneventful. Jason's team coasted the rest of the way to an easy win.. Jason and his parents spoke with Coach Osborn after the game.
"Ok, first off, you should know that the umpire, their coach and I signed a formal complaint to the league about Brad. Not only did he throw at you, which there is no doubt of, but the tantrum in the dugout shows he has no control of his temper. He will at the very least be suspended, but I expect he may even be kicked out of the league. We have also filed an injury report, so please have Jason checked out, and submit any out of pocket expenses to the league. That's what our insurance is for. Here are the forms."
Brad was still sitting on the Tiger's bench. His coach had called his father, and Brad was not allowed to leave until he had taken responsibility for him. Brad continued to stare at Jason with rage in his eyes.
As Jason finished packing up his equipment and was heading to the car with his parents, Brad's father pulled into the lot. He got out of the car, slammed the door and headed over to the Tiger's bench. As Jason and his parents were putting his equipment bag in the trunk, they heard Brad's father and coach getting into an argument.
"What do you mean suspended. For hitting a kid with a pitch! It's part of the game, you jack ass."
"Not deliberately throwing at the batter. No sir, it's not. Brad was upset because the kid made a great play on him, and got a hit off of him, the previous time he was up at bat. He threw at him twice, the second time right at his head. This is not acceptable. Then when he was ejected, he tore up the bench area. He needs to learn about anger management."
"That's bullshit. You wait, you will never coach in this league again you moron. Some wuss gets hit by a pitch and cries, then you kick the best kid you have off the team."
"Mr. Johnson, go ahead and try. I know the league rules, and they are not going to take this incident lightly. This complaint was signed off by the umpire, me and the other coach. As for the boy your son went after, he didn't do anything to deserve being thrown at, this is a rec league and it's about sportsmanship. Something you and Brad obviously don't get."
"I know about this kid, he has been giving Brad a hard time at school too. Almost got Brad expelled a few weeks ago. He is hardly innocent."
At that Richard lost it.
"Alright Johnson, enough of that nonsense. Your son is the one with the problem, not Jason. Brad objected because Julie Sanders was not interested in him, but was interested in my son. He went after Jason at the mall, and then at school. There are plenty of witnesses that saw it. I'll tell you right now, this has gone far enough. Brad could have killed him today. You had better get him into some counseling, and perhaps get some for yourself."
Brad's father turned toward Richard, and said, "Or what, gonna have your lawyers come after me. No wonder your son is a wuss."
"Well at least we know where your son gets it."
Mr. Johnson came up to him, Richard stood his ground.
"Gentlemen, is there a problem here?" Officer Dowling asked. "Johnson, I think it's time for you to cool down. Richard, go take care of Jason."
"Ok Tim."
"Johnson, I'm writing this up. If I find out that there are any other problems between you and Richard or Brad and Jason, it will be on record. Now take Brad and go home."
"Fine. Brad, come on." Brad and his father got into his car and left.
"Richard, I can't do too much, but if Brad keeps after Jason, let me know. Maybe we can work on building a harassment case. I'll talk to the D.A. about this and see what we need."
"Thanks Tim. I just don't want this to keep escalating like this. That boy needs to be reigned in, but the apple doesn’t fall short of the tree."
"No, it doesn't, does it."
Jason's Coach Osborn came over, "Tim thanks for getting over here quickly. I thought that was going to get ugly."
"No problem, thanks for calling me."
Richard said, "Thanks guys, we need to get Jason over to the clinic. I'll catch up with you later."
"See ya. Hey Jason, great game today. Get the all clear, we need you on Tuesday."
"Thanks Coach."
Chapter 30
They spent the better part of the afternoon at a local walk-in clinic, where Jason was checked for any signs of concussion. Fortunately, he was declared to be fine, but was told to take it easy, and to be very careful if he felt any dizziness, or got a headache.
Jason and his friends had intended to go skating that night, but his parents ruled that out. He called Julie and told her about what had happened and that he would not be able to go. Julie called back after speaking with the others and they decided to skip skating and asked if they could come over to Jason's house. His parents were fine with that.
They popped a movie in the player, in the family room, and paired off by couples. The conversation steered to discussing the events at the game.
"So what do you think is going to happen?" Kathy asked.
"I don't know. I think Brad will be suspended, probably kicked off the team. His coach wants him gone. Dad got a call from the D.A. tonight as well. They are looking at whether they can build a case for harassment. They want to get Brad in front of a juvie judge, if they can and get him ordered into some kind of anger management program. They agree that he seems to be out of control. The D.A. was not sure they could make a case of it though. They have started a file and will be speaking to the school on Monday."
The movie was awful, so they turned it off, and put on some CD's.
"Oh, I love this song!" Kathy said, "Come on." She pulled Steve off the couch to dance.
Steve said, "But I don't know how."
Kathy replied, "Then I'll teach you, silly. It's not hard. Just do what I do. Come on girls, drag them up here too!"
Julie and Sue laughed and pulled Jason and John up. They cleared some room by moving the coffee table to the side and the girls taught the guys how to dance. They were not about to win any contests, but the boys relaxed and started to have some fun.
Then a slow song came on. Kathy and Sue were going to take a break, but Julie took Jason by the hand and pulled him close. Jason was awkward, having never danced a slow dance before. Julie said, "Like this. Let me lead for now."
The other four watched for a few moments, and then Kathy took Steve's hand, and Sue took John's. Again they were awkward, as they moved with the music.
When it was over, Sue asked Julie, "Where did you learn to dance like that?"
"From my father," she replied. "He and Mom love to dance, and they started to teach Brian and me almost as soon as we could walk."
"Can you teach us?" Sue asked.
"Sure. If you would like?"
The others all nodded in agreement, so they queued up some more slow music, and Julie showed them the basics.
Kristine came down to check on them, and found a full-scale dance class going on.
"What's going on?" She asked.
"Julie is teaching us all how to dance." John answered.
"So I see. You all seem to be getting the hang of it." Kristine said with a smile.
"I think so Mom. Would you care to dance?"
"I'd love too." Jason took his mother's arm and began a dance.
Richard came in, and with a smile, reached out to Julie. When the song was over, Kristine said, "Well, that was fun. Thank you Jason."
Richard said to Julie, "You are quite good. You have obviously danced a lot."
"Yes sir. Mom and Dad feel that everyone should know how to dance, and they made sure that Brian and I learned right from the start."
"Well as much as I hate to do it, it's just after 10, and I'm afraid we have to take you all home." Richard said.
They helped clean up, and then got into Richard's car. He dropped off everyone else before stopping at Julie's house. Jason walked her to the door, and asked, "Are you going to be able to come over tomorrow, Julie?"
"Yes, I'm looking forward to some time with my friend Kelly." She answered.
"She tells me she is looking forward to seeing you as well."
Chapter 31
The next day Julie came over early.
"My Aunt is coming over with one of her friends this afternoon. She is an expert with make-up." Jason told Julie.
"Cool! You think she will give me some help too?" Julie asked.
Jason laughed, "I can't see why not, but don't hold me to it."
"I won't. Too bad Kathy can't be here. She is really good, like I told you, but she always likes to learn more."
"You know, I wonder how Kathy and Sue would react if they were to know about Kelly. There are times when I really wish I could come out to them. I know I can't, especially since if they were to find out, Steve and John would have to know, and I am definitely not ready for that."
"You know, I think the girls would be fine with it. I don't know John and Steve well enough yet. It might be more of an affront to them and it would definitely be more difficult for them socially. Guilt by association."
"I know. Oh well, not going to happen. But it makes me appreciate you even more. I love our Sunday 'girl' time. Not that I don't enjoy our Saturday boy/girl time! Last night was certainly fun."
"I feel the same. You know, it really doesn’t matter much to me how you are dressed, your just you."
Jason just sat back and enjoyed that thought.
"So what are you doing for summer vacation? It's only another month away." He asked.
"I don't know. We will probably go someplace, but Mom and Dad haven't told us where or when. How about you?"
"We always go up to the lake house for a couple of weeks. Usually in early July."
"That sounds like fun."
"I wonder if Mom and Dad would let you come. John came one year, and Steve did another year. There are three bedrooms. We don't usually use the extra room. I'll have to ask."
"That would be really cool."
"Yeah, it's very secluded. I already talked to Mom; I'm planning on spending almost the entire time as Kelly. We are even gonna get me a girls bathing suit for swimming in the lake."
"Isn't that a bit risky? What about tan lines?"
"I burn really bad. So I use a very high SPF suntan lotion, so I rarely tan. We’re going to stick to a one-piece swimsuit. Mom said we would pick something that will look like a tank top, if I do tan."
"Ok… I guess that would work."
"Why don't we go ask her if you could come?"
"That sounds good to me. I might have to work on my parents to get them to say yes. They do like your Mom and Dad. I had to laugh, because they said, 'There kind of liberal, but not rabidly so.' I know your Mom told me that mine are 'kind of conservative, but not oppressively so.' She thinks my parents may not react as badly, as I think they will, if they find out about you and more importantly, about me."
They went and found Kristine, and Jason asked her if Julie could come with them.
"Maybe. We would have to get permission from your parents Julie. We certainly have the room. I guess the question is whether your parents would trust us to properly chaperone you two. Let me talk to Jason's father, and if he is ok with it, then I'll give your mother a call, Julie."
Later in the afternoon, Sally, Emily and Sally's friend Michele arrived.
They set up in the kitchen. Emily went into the family room to watch her cartoons.
"Ok Kelly, we’ll start with you. Don't worry Julie, I've got lots of time, we’ll make some time for you too."
"Thanks!"
"Now Kelly, we really need to do something about your hair first. Kristine, if you will let me, I will need to cut her hair. Trust me, I won't do anything to cause problems when he presents as Jason."
"Well ok.”
Michele clipped a wrap around Kelly's neck. She went to work, while Kristine looked on with trepidation. When she was almost done, she said, "Now, if we brush it like this, no one is going to think it is at all feminine."
"I will agree with that." Kristine answered.
Michele dug into her supplies, and pulled out a set of clip in extensions, selecting the ones that most closely matched Jason's hair. She went back to work, applying the extensions and then reshaping Jason's hair.
Kristine and Julie both looked on with major interest. Michele made sure that they could all see exactly what she was doing. When she was done, Kristine said, "Wow. I've never used extensions, but they look great. It totally changes her look."
"Ok, let's work on the face now. I'm going to clean up your eyebrows first. Again, not enough to cause you problems at school. But even guys brows don't need to be quite that bushy."
She then cleaned off the make-up that Jason had put on painstakingly that morning.
"This was not bad, but let me work with you here."
Michele got out her make-up kit. Julie looked on with great interest, and said, "I had to work with what I had."
Michele said, "Julie, it was actually very good. But I have some experience, particularly with girls like Kelly."
"You work a lot with transgendered people?" Julie asked.
Michele put her finger to her mouth and said, "shhh.. I'll let you in on a secret… I am a transgendered person."
"You are a man?" Julie said with surprise. Jason's eyes also went wide.
"Well, not anymore. But I was born male." Michele answered.
"So you’ve had the operation?" Jason asked, but then said, "Oh… I'm sorry that was rude."
"Yes. I have," She told Jason, "And it's ok for you to ask. That is one of the reasons that Sally asked me to come here today. We know that you have a long way to go before you will be making any kinds of decisions about such things, and you may find that you don't ever want to. If you find that you and Julie stay together, you may both decide that you don't want to lose that little bit of you that is all Jason. I know you are working with Dr. Daniels. He is really great; I worked with him too. He will definitely help you to figure out what is right for you. Now let me get started on showing you how to bring out your beauty."
Michele began to work on Jason's face. She showed her exactly what she was doing, both how and why. She explained why she was choosing each color and shade.
When she was done she brought out her mirror and showed Jason. Jason just looked on wide mouthed. "Oh my god, is that me?"
Kristine said, "That's amazing. I would never have guessed that she was really a boy, if I didn’t know her."
Julie looked at Jason and said, "Kelly, you look great."
Sally said, "Michele, I knew you were good, but that really is incredible."
"So Julie, would you like me to work on you next?"
"Oh, would I!" she replied.
"Have a seat."
Michele cleaned Julie's current makeup off, saying "Let's start with a clean slate."
Twenty minutes later, it was Julie's turn to stare in the mirror wide eyed.
Kristine said, "Michele that is just remarkable."
"They are both beautiful girls, all I did was help to bring out what was already there." She put together a package for each of the girls, with all of the make-up that she had used on each of them.
Kristine asked, "How much do I owe you?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing? You have to let me pay you for the supplies at least."
"No. I owe Sally my life. She was there for me when I needed a friend. This is just a down payment on what I owe her, and it was really my pleasure. This has been a lot of fun."
Michele packed up her things.
"Kelly, I mean it, if you have any questions, or ever need to talk to someone that has been through what you are going through, give me a call."
"Thank you, Michele, I will. I'm sure that I will take you up on that some time."
"Good, you do that. Sally, I'm going to have to go. I have to get back, or I'm going to be late. I'll see you next week?"
"Yes. Thanks for everything." Sally replied.
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 32 - 33. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: Thanks to Joni W for editing this section for me!
Chapter 32
Kathy, Steve, Sue and John were having dinner at the food court before their movie started.
"So guys, have you thanked Jason yet." Kathy asked.
Steve looked at John and said, "Thanked him for what?"
"For getting us together, silly." Sue replied.
"Well… Not exactly, though I guess we should. I never would have believed that you and I would get together. You, Julie and Sue are all so pretty, and popular, you could be with any of the guys, but here you are with us … not that I'm complaining!" John said.
"You know guys, if we hadn't started hanging out together, because Julie wanted to be with Jason, we would not have gotten to know you. It's funny how that works, but I know we are both glad it did. I guess we all owe Jason's cousin Kelly, a thank you."
"Kelly? Jason doesn't have a cousin Kelly." Steve said.
"Sure he does. He and his mom both told us so."
"I've known Jason since kindergarten; his family lives here in the area, and I've met them all. He only has one girl cousin, and her name is Emily, she is about seven. He has a couple of boy cousins, Tom and Billy, and that's it. Right John?"
Sue and Kathy looked at each other, and Kathy said, "Oh … well I would have sworn that is what they said, I must be confused."
"You must have misheard them."
The next day Kathy and Sue called Julie together.
"Ok… What the heck is going on Julie?" Kathy said.
"What do you mean?"
"Jason doesn't have a cousin Kelly. We know darn well that he told us that he and his mom were shopping for his cousin Kelly, and his mother confirmed it." Kathy told her.
Julie tried to think fast, and in order to stall asked, "How do you know he doesn't have a cousin named Kelly?"
"Steve and John told us last night. They know all of Jason's family, and told us that Jason only has three cousins, Emily, Billy and Tom." Sue replied.
"Maybe Kelly is a friend of the family, you know like my 'Aunt' Joan, who really isn't my aunt."
Kathy and Sue looked at each other, showing they both found this unlikely. Kathy said, "The Aunt is honorary, so that you are not calling her Mrs. Peterson, but you would not refer to Cheryl as your cousin. Come on Julie, we know, you know something."
"Kathy, Sue…. "
Kathy's eyes went wide with sudden comprehension, "Oh my god, Jason is Kelly, isn't he!"
"No! What would make you think that?" Julie said, perhaps a bit too emphatically.
"It has to be. Why else would he lie about a cousin he doesn't have, and you know all about it. That's why you suddenly found him so interesting."
"What?" Julie was now panicking.
"Come on Julie, we've been best friends for years. You don't think that we did not know that you were just faking interest in boys, all this time? Sue and I have always thought you were gay, and if you are, it doesn't bother us. Jason must seem like a godsend, a boy that is also a girl. You can have it both ways. That explains everything. You left us in the accessories place to go next door, to the shoe store, but you came out with nothing, and then you went right over to Jason and started talking to him. That is so not like you, you must have seen, or heard something, in that store. In fact, now that I think about it, Mrs. Anderson had a bag from that store when she came over and joined us. You did see something there!"
"Kathy, you are nuts."
"Julie, I don't think so. Look I understand. If I'm right, then you can't acknowledge it, because I know you would never betray a friend. But Julie, you know me, I wouldn't either; and neither would Sue. You have been our friend forever, and Jason has become a friend, if he really is Kelly, we won't betray him. We are not going to ask you to either. But please, if this is true, talk to him for us and tell him he can trust us. We don't want secrets like this between us."
"Kathy…"
"Julie, it's ok. So are we all getting together tonight? We promise we won't bring this up. I doubt that the guys would be ready to deal with it … assuming I'm right of course."
"Kathy ... yes of course we are getting together tonight. I'll see you later."
Julie hung up the phone, and called Jason right away.
"Jason, we have a situation. Kathy and Sue have figured out that you are Kelly."
"What! Did you say something to them?"
"No, of course not. I didn’t tell them anything. I haven’t even confirmed it."
"How could they have figured it out? You sure you didn't say something by accident?"
"Jason, you know me better than that! John and Steve told them that you don't have a cousin named Kelly. They put two and two together and came up with the truth.
"Oh my God. Damn, I should never have told that lie. But damn it I never expected you three to get to be such close friends. What the hell are we going to do?"
"They wanted me to talk to you and tell you that you can trust them. I think you can, but Jason, I can't promise that for them. I'd say we need to have them over and talk to your mom. Maybe we can get together at your place, before we all go out tonight. Could you go ask your mom?"
“Ok, let me ask her.”
Julie waited for Jason to come back to the phone.
"Mom agrees, we need to talk to them."
"Ok, I'll give them both a call, and set it up. Jason, it will work out. You and I will deal with this together."
Julie hung up, and called Kathy and Sue back.
"Kathy, look, I called Jason. We all need to talk. I need you both to come over to the Anderson's house with me, before we go out tonight."
"So is that a confirmation then?"
"No Kathy, it is not. But you are not going to believe me either way, so we need to get together and talk it through. I'm sure there is a logical explanation, and we are going to get it, before you jump to conclusions, ok?"
"Fair enough."
Chapter 33
Julie, Kathy, Sue, Jason and his mother sat in the family room.
Kathy started off, "Mrs. Anderson, Jason, I know this is awkward. I'm sure that Julie has told you what I suspect. Last night we were out with Steve and John. We were talking and I mentioned your cousin Kelly. Steve and John were adamant that you don't have a cousin named Kelly. I tried to figure out why you would have lied about it. Sue and I have long suspected that Julie is gay, so we were pretty shocked when Jason and Julie got together. The way that it happened, was just so sudden, such a change, it just did not make sense. Jason you are a nice guy and we have gotten to know you, John and Steve since then, and believe me, I'm glad. We just couldn’t figure out what had made her go over to you, at the mall. Then lunch the next day."
"Go on." Jason's mother said.
"But once I realized that you had lied about having a cousin, that you were buying all those clothes for, I remembered that Julie had come out of that shoe store, and went right to you. Then I remembered that you had a bag from the shoe store yourself Mrs. Anderson, it all clicked into place. She must have seen Jason picking out girls shoes. Jason is Kelly, isn't he?"
Jason's mom answered for them, "Let's say for the sake of argument that this was all true, what would you do with that information? I'm sure you know that even the rumor of such a thing, would be very dangerous for Jason, especially with this lunatic Brad after him."
"If it is true, then our best friend Julie, has found someone that has made her happier than we have ever seen her. We would be happy for our friend Julie, and would want to share in her happiness. I would want to be able to talk to her about it, and to really get to know the person that is making her happy. I would not want anything to hurt her, or my new friend Jason."
Sue shook her head in agreement.
"Ok, that is a very fine answer, Kathy. What about Steve and John? You both are getting pretty close; this would be a pretty big secret to keep from your boyfriends."
"Mrs. Anderson, there may come a time when that might be an issue, but I don't see how it is any of their business, at this point. We are just dating. I like him, he likes me. We are getting to know each other, but I am not about to tell him my friend’s secrets, nor do I expect him to tell me about his friends. If I were gay, or was a guy, he would have a right to know, before we got too involved, but the fact that one of my friends is secretly gay, or that another one wants to be a girl, it’s not something he needs to know about."
Sue said, "That's how I feel about it too."
"Jason?" His mother looked at him.
Jason closed his eyes, took a deep breath and said, "Mom, I have to trust them. Kathy, you are right. I am Kelly. "
Kathy said, "Jason, thank you. I promise that you won't regret it. In the past couple of months I have really gotten to know you as Jason and I have seen how good you are for Julie. I hope that I can get to know you as Kelly some time as well."
Sue, "Jason, you don't have anything to worry about from me. I would like to get to know this friend of Julie's, that has made her so happy."
"I think I'd like that." Jason answered.
Jason's mother said, "I think I'm getting a headache. I can't believe how this has snowballed from a stupid mistake. Jason, I'm sorry, I should never have taken you to that mall."
Kathy and Sue made to protest, but Jason's mother put up her hand to stop them and said, "I don't mean that as a dig on you girls. You have all been unbelievably supportive, but it is only blind luck that it was you three and not someone that would have made Jason's life hell. Even with that, Benjamin Franklin once said, 'three people can keep a secret, if two are dead.' The circle has just grown, and sooner or later, it will expand, not because you are trying to hurt Jason, but because someone will catch on. Maybe it will be Steve or John next and they may, or may not, be able to accept this. Maybe it will be one of your parents, but sooner or later, it's going to come out. There are too many people that know now."
The girls gave her a look of apology.
"It's not anyone's fault, it just is. We’ll deal with it as it happens. Ok, I think you all have dates tonight, if I'm not mistaken."
Jason and his friends all nodded.
"Good, then I'll drive. If the boys ask, you three were over at Julie's house and I picked you up first."
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 34 - 35. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: Thanks to Joni W for editing this section for me!
Chapter 34
The friends were taking a break from skating and sharing some fries at the snack bar.
"So Jason, I hear you did fairly well in your game today." John said.
"Yeah, much better then Tuesday. On Tuesday I struck out four times, because I was flinching with every pitch. I just couldn’t help it. My dad really worked with me the other night, and today I was able to stay in there, and got a couple of hits."
"I hear Brad is out of the league." Sue said.
"Yes, his father went nuts about it. They had to have the police come and have him escorted out of the hearing at the league board office." Jason told them.
"I guess that explains where Brad gets it from." Kathy said.
"I would say so." Jason replied.
Taking advantage of a lull in the conversation, Julie asked, "So Kathy, Sue do you know what you are going to wear to the eighth grade graduation dance next week?"
"Yes, Mom and I picked up a new dress." Sue answered.
"Mom and I are going to go shopping tomorrow." Kathy answered, and then asked, "How about you?"
"I have that dress I wore to my cousin's wedding in May. Mom says that will have to do." Julie said.
"Oh, I remember that dress, you look great in it." Sue said.
"I know, I do love it, but I would have loved to have gotten a new one." Julie answered.
"I'm really looking forward to it, especially with the dancing lessons you have been giving us all." Sue said.
"Yeah, I'm actually looking forward to it too." Steve said; John and Jason both agreed.
"It's hard to believe that school is almost over for the year. We have just a couple more weeks to go. Next year we will be in high school." Kathy said.
"Yeah, back to the bottom rung of the school again. It was kind of nice being the top dogs this year." John said.
"It was at that. So what are you all doing for the summer?" Sue asked.
"Well, we’re heading up to our lake house for a couple of weeks, right after school gets out. Julie is going to be coming with us this year." Jason said.
Steve said, "Oh Julie, you should enjoy that. I know I did last year. Lots to do up there, boating, fishing, swimming."
"Yeah, it's lots of fun. I got to go a couple of years ago." John added.
"I think it sounds great, but I hope you guys don't resent Jason asking me to go this year instead of one of you." Julie said.
"Oh, don't worry about that Julie. We have both had our turn. Besides, I can hardly blame Jason for wanting to spend time with you. If I had a place like that I'd have asked Kathy. Anyway, my parents are taking us to Disneyworld, so I couldn't have gone with Jason this year anyway." Steve said.
"I wouldn't mind going to Disneyworld with you," Kathy teased.
Steve replied, "If Mom and Dad would let me, I'd have asked you. But we won't have a spare bedroom, and somehow I don't think they’re going to let us share a bed."
"No, I suppose not." Kathy said.
Jason asked, "How about you Sue, what are you doing?"
"I have to go spend two weeks with my Dad, and I'm sure I’ll have to put up with his girlfriend. Argh. But I'm sure we’ll do some fun stuff, like six flags. Mom and I will probably spend some time at the beach; she usually rents a place for a week." Sue answered.
John said, "That's what we do too. I wonder if we could get them to arrange it for the same week. That would be really cool."
"Maybe, Mom hasn't set it up yet, so why don't you find out what your parents are doing and let me know." Sue said.
Jason said, "I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get back out on the rink. Julie?"
"Sure, let's go."
With that they cleaned up their table and headed back out to skate.
Later that evening, Jason took Julie aside, "John is going to a ball game with his family tomorrow, and Steve has a big birthday bash for his Grandfather's sixty-fifth birthday, do you think we should invite Kathy and Sue to hang out with you and Kelly tomorrow?"
"I think they would like that, and it would be a good time, since the guys are busy elsewhere. You sure Kathy isn't going with Steve?"
"Yeah, I asked him, and he said it's at some fancy expensive restaurant, and he was told that they really could not afford to invite her."
"Ahh. It's your call. They know about Kelly and they really would like to meet her. Of course, Kathy is going to want to meet Michele. She was already jealous of my new look."
"Well, that is not going to happen tomorrow, but I will see what I can do. By the way, what did you tell your Mom about that?"
"Oh that a friend of your Aunt's is a makeup specialist, and that she was having some fun with your mother, and did a free makeover for me, while she was at it. I told her that you were bored to tears, although you had to admit I looked pretty nice after she was done. I also told her that she made up a gift for me, because she had so much fun. Mom was kind of jealous. She said, next time, call her and she’ll pop right over."
"Oh that would be good. Then I'd have to be the jealous one, since I would have to sit and pretend to be bored."
"Poor Jason…" Julie laughed. Then she said, "I'll ask Kathy and Sue about tomorrow."
"Sounds good."
Chapter 35
The next day, Julie was over at Jason's house early. Julie wanted to make sure that Jason looked his best for when Kathy and Sue first met Kelly. They added the extensions into Jason's hair, and then set it as close as they could to the way that Michele had done it.
When they were done, Julie said, "Damn Kelly, I cannot believe how much different that makes you look. Kathy and Sue are not going to believe that it’s really you."
About noon, Kathy's mom dropped Kathy and Sue off at the Anderson's, on her way to work. She watched from the car to see Jason's mom open the door, wave hello, and let the girls in, before pulling out of the driveway.
Once inside they met up with Julie who told them to wait in the family room. A few moments later, Julie came into the family room with Jason. Julie said, "Kelly, let me introduce you to my friends, Kathy and Sue."
"Is that really Jason?" Kathy said.
"No, it is really Kelly." Julie said.
"Oh… I'm sorry, Kelly, that is going to take a little getting used to, but wow, you look good."
Sue nodded in agreement, and said, "You don't have to worry about us telling Steve or John, if they saw you dressed like that, we could lose them."
Jason blushed, but said, "Sue, that is very sweet of you, but I know that I don't look half as good as the three of you. But even if it were true, which it is not, you would have nothing to worry about, because I'm already taken, by Julie."
They popped some CD's in so that they could sit around and talk.
"Kelly, Sue and I are here and we intend to treat you just like any other girl. But we are going to need at least one promise from you first."
"I guess that depends on what you are asking me to promise." Jason said.
"If we are going to treat you like a girl, that means you are going to hear us talk about things that we would only share with other girls, and that means that anything you hear as Kelly, you need to keep to yourself when you are with the boys as Jason. We will also expect that things you hear as Jason, that are meant to be between the boys, you won't share as Kelly." Kathy said.
"I have no problem with that, with the exception of, if I heard about someone doing something to intentionally hurt someone." Jason said.
"I think that is fair." Sue said, "I would want you to try to stop something like that."
Kathy nodded her acceptance then said, "Do you mind if we ask you some questions. We are really curious, but it's ok if you don't want to talk about it."
"I don't mind. If I'm not comfortable answering, I'll let you know." Jason answered.
"Do you want to be a girl, or do you just like dressing like one?" Sue asked.
"I'm not sure. The time that I get to spend as Kelly is really wonderful. When I get dressed, I can feel myself relax and just get comfortable with myself. When I'm Jason, I feel more … tense and like I have to watch what I do and what I say, so that people don't see Kelly in me. I think a lot about how wonderful it would be to actually be a girl. At the same time, I know that I can never really be biologically a girl on the insides. There are surgeries and medicines I could take to help me look and feel more like a girl, and I do think about them, but they scare me. The thought of cutting off my, well you know, is kind of scary, though there are times when I would do it in a minute, if I could. Then again, someday I want to be a parent and I need that part of me for that to happen. Plus, if Julie and I somehow manage to stay together, till we are old enough, she might have something to say about that as well."
"Kelly that will be your call, if we are still together, we will work it out. I guess I wasn't able to hide how I felt from Kathy and Sue, there is no doubt that I like the way girls look. But I always thought that a girls, well you know down there, is gross. But if we are still together at that time and you need to have that surgery to make you look like a girl down there, I think I can get past that."
"Ok, but why do you think you feel this way?" Kathy asked.
"I wish I could answer that. I just do. Dr. Daniels tells me there are lots of theories. Some suggest that it's all controlled by the way the brain is wired. Apparently, studies suggest that transgendered men have brains that look more like women's brains. I don't know; I just know it feels right."
Sue looked thoughtful, "Even with surgery though, like you said, you can never be fully female. You can't get pregnant; you don't have to deal with a period."
Julie jumped in, "Sue! ..."
Sue looked at Julie and said, "Julie, wait. Look those things are so much a part of being female. Kelly I don't mean to sound condescending, because I want to be supportive, but what do you think about that. I want to understand."
"Julie, it's ok. I told them I would answer their questions, and it is a fair question."
"No, Kelly it isn't. Are women that have gone through menopause still women? They can't get pregnant, and they don't have periods. Sue would not say they were not fully women." Julie said indignantly.
"Of course not, but they spent most of their lives dealing with it. It's not the same." Sue answered.
"Sue, there are also women that for various reasons cannot have children and there are some medical problems that can cause a women to never have a period. You still would not question it." Julie said.
"Julie, I don't know. I really don't. There is more to being a woman than periods and worrying about being a baby time bomb, but I don't know. I just want to know what Kelly thinks about it. I am not trying to attack her." Sue stated.
"Sue. I don't have an answer for you. I am jealous of you all because someday you can have children. I know what a period is, from health class, but I have no real understanding of what it means to you as women to have to deal with it every month. I know enough to know that it is unpleasant. But let me ask you a question, if you could take a magic pill, and wake up male tomorrow and never have to deal with another period, would you?"
"No. Periods are a nuisance, but I like being female. I don't want to be a guy." Sue said.
"Whereas, I'm sure that if I could take that pill to make me fully female, I would do it in a minute; I would deal with the nuisance too."
Sue nodded, saying, "I see. Alright Kelly I understand." Sue got up, went over to Jason and gave him a hug. "Kelly, you are as much a girl as I am."
Kathy picked up the discussion, "Kelly that's interesting; you said you were not sure about surgery, but you wouldn't hesitate to take a pill?"
"No. The hypothetical pill would make me completely female, without any of the negatives from surgical solutions."
"What if you found that you really preferred being male afterwards?" Kathy said.
"It would still be worth it to finally know. Part of my problem is that I have this incredible desire to know what it feels like to be female. What is it like to have real breasts, and to have a pus ... I mean vagina instead of a penis down there. You know you girls actually have an advantage; you know what it was like to not have breasts. For me it's like this incredible itch that I can never scratch. Hell yes, if I had the opportunity to really know, I would jump at it. Sorry Julie, you might as well know that now. God knows what they will come up with in our lifetime."
"It's ok Kelly. Hell, maybe I'd take the male pill if you take the female pill. I like being female, but if you got any prettier…"
"Ok, ok… ladies, enough…" Kathy laughed.
"So Kelly, when are we going to get to meet this wonderful makeup specialist? I love makeup, and you and Julie had makeovers without me!"
"I don't know Kathy, but I will ask my Aunt if we can have another session sometime with Michele."
Julie said, "Well if we are done grilling Kelly, how did you do today, did you find your dress for the dance?"
"Yes, it's great. Mom wouldn't let me bring it in to show you, but it's perfect."
"You should see the little black dress Kelly has; I wish she could wear it to the dance. She looks so hot in it." Julie said.
"I wish! I'll be stuck with a boring dress shirt, slacks and a blasted tie." Jason said.
"I'd rather wear a tie then pantyhose." Kathy said.
"I'd put up with pantyhose to wear the dress." Jason replied.
"Well, you have to show us this dress then." Sue said, and Kathy immediately chimed in with her agreement.
Jason soon succumbed to peer pressure and went up and changed into his black dress. When he came back down, Kathy and Sue just stared dumbfounded, and Julie laughed at them.
"See I told you, it really is a shame she can't go to the dance that way. I would love to have her on my arm, wouldn't that cause an uproar?"
"Oh yes, it certainly would." Kathy answered.
"Kelly, if anyone ever questions your being a girl, they could not have seen you like that." Sue said.
"Thanks. Now, I'm feeling remarkably overdressed, so if you don't mind, I'm going to go get changed back."
"Go ahead Kelly." Julie told him.
When he was gone, Julie said, "You two ok? I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you before, especially about me. I hated keeping it a secret, but I really care about Jason, and I don't want him hurt."
"Jules, we meant it. We are happy you have found someone to make you happy. We liked Jason right from the start, but now that we have seen him as Kelly, I can see how much she is a part of him. If he tried to suppress her, it would kill him. We’re going to do whatever we can to help."
"Thanks Kathy; thanks Sue." Julie said, giving them both hugs.
Jason walked back in and said, "Hey, where is mine!"
Julie went over and gave him a big hug too.
They spent the rest of the day listening to music, talking and just hanging out. They got on the Anderson's computer and had Jason create a screen name for Kelly, so that she could join in their online chats, since time for the four of them to spend together, with Jason as Kelly, would be limited; it would seem a little strange for them to be over at Jason's house without John and Steve, on a regular basis.
In Jason's dreams that night, he was at the dance with Julie, in his black dress, walking on clouds.
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 36 - 37. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: Thanks to Joni W for editing this section for me!
Chapter 36
Julie and Jason walked into the school gym with John, Sue, Kathy and Steve. The gym was decorated with balloons and streamers and a sign that wished the graduating eighth graders luck in high school.
A DJ was up on the stage and there were refreshments along one wall. There were a few couples and a few more girls out on the floor dancing to a fast paced song, but most of the boys were congregated over by the refreshments, and most of the girls were gathered up by the stage.
The three couples went right out on the floor and danced together. After the first couple of songs, they took a break. Jason, John and Steve went up to get drinks for themselves and the girls. Julie went up to the DJ and put a request in for a slow love song and also an older big band tune, the DJ was a bit surprised but agreed to play them soon.
As they cooled off with their sodas, Julie told them to get ready to show off. They had practiced quite regularly and all three couples were now pretty good together.
They were ready and headed straight out to the floor when the DJ played their first selection. They were the only people on the floor, and everyone was watching them very closely. When the second selection came and they got into the swing of the song doing some fancy moves, the crowd got into it and was clapping to the beat of the music.
When the song was over, they walked off to the applause of their classmates.
"Whew that was fun!" Julie said, as they got in line for some drinks. Jason noticed Brad on the opposite wall glaring at him. However, the party was well chaperoned and Brad couldn’t really do anything more than glower. Jason just made sure to stay away from him as much as possible.
Several of the other students came up to them and asked where they had learned to dance like that, and they freely shared that Julie had taught them.
Later that evening, Jason and the three girls had set up a private chat room and were discussing the evening.
"Well I hope you all enjoyed that as much as I did" Jason wrote.
"I know I did!" Sue replied.
"Me too," Kathy added.
"It was great. I just wish you could have been there as Kelly. You were quite handsome, but you’re beautiful in your black dress. The guys would have been quite jealous and you would have been with me." Julie said.
"I would have liked that as well, I'm sorry that you did not get to have your wish. I know how good that feels though, because you were beautiful and the guys were all jealous that you were with me."
"Especially Brad." Kathy said.
"Yeah, did you see him; if looks could kill you would be dead." Sue said.
"I saw him and I stayed as far away from him as I could. I was glad when he decided to leave. I was also glad that Mom was picking us up so we didn’t have to risk walking home." Jason answered.
"Well that's enough about Brad. Kelly, you all ready for next week?" Julie said.
"Yes. How about you?" Jason replied.
"Yup. I can't wait, two whole weeks with my girlfriend Kelly is very cool." Julie said.
"It's going to be fun. I'm looking forward to it."
"Julie told us that you got a really cute one piece suit, Kelly. I wish we could all go together." Sue added.
"I like my new suit. I wish I could get away with wearing a bikini like Julie's, but it will have to do." Jason said.
"You are really going to be Kelly the whole time?" Kathy asked.
"That’s the plan. The lake house is really secluded; we don't typically see a whole lot of people, unless we head into town. We will bring one boy's outfit just in case, but we are not planning on using it." Jason said.
"Damn! Mom is yelling at me. I have to go; it's still a school night." Sue said.
"Me too." Kathy said.
"I'm afraid I do to." Jason said.
They all said goodnight and logged off.
Chapter 37
Julie splashed Jason and dove under the lake water.
"Hey!" Jason said and dove under the water after her. When he caught her, he grabbed around her waist and pulled her to him. They came up for air, and Julie gave him a quick kiss. They climbed out and sat on the edge of the wooden dock. On the other side of the dock, a small motorboat named Kristine was tied to the dock.
"Kelly, this is great! I am so glad you invited me."
"I'm glad you were able to convince your mother to let you come. I wasn't sure she would go for it."
"I don't think she would have, but she trusts your Mom and Dad to make sure we don’t do anything stupid."
"I'm sure she trusts you too." Jason said.
"Well probably, but I'll admit it, if it were not for your parents, I might do something we might regret."
"I hear you. Well, we should be good about that, but it doesn't mean we have to be perfect angels."
"My word Kelly, I do believe you just might be trying to seduce me." Julie winked.
"Who me? I'm a good girl, really I am." Jason laughed.
"You most certainly are. You look good in that suit."
"Thanks, but nothing compared to you."
"Don't sell yourself short, you look good. I doubt anyone would be able to tell that there is more to you than meets the eye." Julie said seriously, then added, "That trick that Michele taught you really helps to hide your, you know what."
Jason blushed, and to change the subject said, "So you want to stay out here and swim some more, or something else?"
"Well, I'd like to get a bit of sun, but you really shouldn’t tan. However with that 50 SPF, it would take quite a bit for you to tan, but you still need to take care because you will still tan, even with sun block, especially if you spend too much time in the sun."
"No problem, I'm putting my wrap on."
Julie laid out her towel on the dock in the sun, and put on her sunglasses, lying on her back. Jason sat in a lounge chair under a deck umbrella and opened up a book.
A bit later, Jason's Mom and Dad came down with a pitcher of lemonade and some cookies.
"Hey, how is it going down here?" Jason's mother asked.
Julie sat up and took off her sunglasses. "Great. This place is wonderful, thank you so much for inviting me to come with you."
"It's our pleasure my dear." Jason's father answered, than he asked, "How is the water?"
"Nice, Dad. Maybe a little cool, but once you are in its refreshing." Jason said.
Jason's dad, acknowledged it, took off his shirt, and jumped into the lake. When he came to the surface, he said, "Phew… you call that a little cool?" He then swam out to a buoy about 20 yards out in the lake and then back. He climbed back onto the dock and sat in another chair near Jason.
"So what do you two want to do the next couple of weeks?" Richard asked them after a while. "Julie, have you ever water skied?"
"No, I haven’t." She answered.
"Not today, it is a bit late, but maybe tomorrow we’ll go out on the lake. It's fun if you want to give it a try."
"Sure, I'd like to give it a try." Julie answered.
"Kelly, are you still going to go fishing with me or are you going to give up on fishing." Jason's father asked him.
"Dad, you know I love to go fishing with you, why would you think I wouldn't want to?" Jason asked with a puzzled look on his face.
"I don't want to make any assumptions, Kelly. Jason liked to fish, but I’m still getting to know my daughter Kelly. Besides, you have a guest."
Jason frowned, "Dad, I'm still me. I like the same things I always liked and that isn't going to change. As for Julie, I don't know if she likes to fish, but if she wants she is welcome to come with us, if she doesn't, I'm sure she can find something else to do or more likely she can enjoy sleeping in."
"Kelly, I'm just checking." Jason's father said.
"Dad, you never asked that when John or Steve were here with us. You and I have gone fishing in the mornings ever since I was old enough to hold a fishing rod when we were here at the lake. You know I have always looked forward to it. John and Steve were welcome if they wanted, or not if they didn't. Why do you all of a sudden feel that would change?" Jason said.
"Because you aren't Jason anymore. You're this girl I don't know. I just don't know how to respond to all of this, I'm sorry. You know I'm trying to be supportive, damn it, but it's too much too fast sometimes. You and your mother agreed that this whole trip you would be Kelly, I haven't tried to fight that, but forgive me if I have trouble knowing how to react to it. I'm doing the best that I can, so just don't take it the wrong way."
"How would you like me to take it Dad? Because I'm a girl I shouldn't like to fish? Are you worried that I'm going to be squeamish about worms all of a sudden? This is who I am Dad, I've always been Kelly, you and Mom just didn’t know it."
"Kelly! … Damn, I'm sorry, look I did not mean it that way. I know that many girls like to fish, your Aunt Sally for instance even Jessica enjoyed it when she was younger. But you are changing Kelly, you have interests that you didn’t have before and that may mean that you’ll lose interest in the older things. Look at you, standing there! All I see now is a pretty girl, I know that Jason is still there somewhere, but you look so different the way you are dressed, it is hard."
Jason took a deep breath, while his mother and Julie looked on.
"Dad, I'm still me. This is who I am. I have never felt so … I don't even know how to describe it … at peace, I guess, with who I am in my whole life. I can’t help it, that's how I feel. If I could throw a penny in the well, make a wish and have it come true, I would wake up tomorrow with real breasts and a vagina and I would’ve always been Kelly. I know that is not going to happen. In fact, what is going to happen is my body is going to start to change even more, this damned body hair that is still mostly light, is going to get darker and thicker, especially on my face. My voice is going to finish changing and my Adam's apple is going to become pronounced. I still look ok today without too much help, but not much longer and I hate it, Dad, I just hate it. My goddamned body is betraying me. I don't want to grow up to be a man! I'm sorry that hurts you. I see it in your eyes whenever you are looking at me and you think I'm not watching, you don't know how much it hurts to know how much I've disappointed you. … Damn."
With that Jason broke down and started to cry and then ran into the house to his room. Julie was the first to react and ran into the house after him.
His father started in as well, but Jason's mother stopped him. "Richard, this is not going to go away."
"I know Kris. I have known that for weeks. I was not trying to attack him. Really I wasn't. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm doing the best I can."
Kristine sighed, and said. "I know you are. I don't know what to do either. I didn’t realize how much he was worrying about the changes his body is going through. I know I was hoping that he would grow out of it as he went through puberty, but I really don't believe that is going to happen. And if that is the case, he’s right; his body is about to make things much harder for him. If things go the way I really think they’re going to go, the changes he’s going through are going to make that so much more difficult. There just isn't much time left before that happens and it is too soon to make any decision like this. He needs more time, but his body isn't going to give it to him."
"No, it isn't."
"Unless we do something to give him more time." Kristine said.
"What do you mean?" Richard asked.
"I've been doing a lot of reading, as you know. There is a relatively new treatment option. There are some medicines that can delay puberty. The process is reversible, but it is still controversial. It would buy him time."
"That seems pretty drastic. Is it safe?"
"Cutting his penis off is drastic, but ultimately that may be what happens. This is far less drastic and is at least reversible. From what I have read it appears to be safe. I don't even know if we could get his doctors to approve it, but I think we have to talk to them about it and soon."
Jason's father looked resigned and nodded his agreement. "We better go in and talk to him."
"Richard."
"Yes?"
"We better go in and talk to her." Kristine said.
"I'm sorry; yes you’re right, we better go in and talk to her." He replied.
They walked into the house and knocked on Jason's door. They could hear him still crying and Julie trying to comfort him. After a moment, they heard Jason say, "Come in."
They opened the door and saw Jason lying on the bed, with his head on Julie's lap. Julie was holding him and caressing his hair and back making soothing sounds. She looked at his parents, particularly his father with barely restrained anger, daring them to make things worse.
Jason's father's face showed remorse and Julie's expression softened.
"Kelly, I'm sorry that you felt attacked; I really did not mean it that way. I know that this is not easy for you either. Your mother and I really need to talk to you about what you just told us, but before we do, I have to tell you again, you are not hurting me, or your mother. We love you and while we don't always understand, that is not going to change. Whatever path you chose, that is not going to change. I can't tell you that I won't miss Jason, but I will love Kelly just as much." Jason's father said.
His mother and father sat next to them on the bed, and started to rub Jason's back.
Jason sobbed for a few more minutes, finally got himself under control and sat up.
"I'm sorry for losing it." He told them.
"No, Kelly, I'm sorry." His father said.
"Kelly. You are worried about the changes your body is going through?" His mother asked.
"It's more like disgusted, than worried. I know what is happening and why, I just don't like it."
"I've been doing some reading and there may be something we can do to postpone those changes, while we figure out what is right for you." His mother said.
At that Jason and Julie both looked at her with surprise. "Postpone, what do you mean? How?" Jason asked.
"There are drugs that can put puberty on hold so to speak. They are reversible, so if you decided you wanted to continue becoming a man you could stop taking them and let nature take its course. But if you ultimately decide to have surgery, then you would start taking female hormones to go through puberty as a girl." His mother explained.
"Really, they can do that?"
"Yes, from what I have read it is possible. You would still be genetically male, but you would at least avoid having to go through the electrolysis, and your voice will not deepen any further. Also the body fat distribution would be more feminine."
"What do we have to do? Would you allow it?" Jason asked.
"I don't know; we have to speak with your doctors. If they agree and it is medically safe, then yes, your father and I have already agreed that we would allow it." Kristine looked at Richard, who nodded his agreement.
With that Jason reached out and hugged his parents, then turning to Julie, invited her into the group hug.
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 38 - 39. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: Thanks to Joni W for editing this section for me!
Chapter 38
Early the next morning, Jason and his father took The Kristine out on the lake and over to their favorite cove for fishing. Once they got settled in, they baited their hooks and cast their lines in opposite directions. As they watched the sun rise to the eastern side of the lake, Jason poured them both a cup of coffee and opened up the box of Entenmann's chocolate covered donuts.
They sat quietly together as father and daughter, occasionally reeling in their lines, checking the bait and recasting.
"Kelly…"
"Yes, Dad?"
"You're sure this is what you want?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are you sure you want to be Kelly. Please don't take this the wrong way; there is nothing at all wrong with being a woman. But in your case becoming a woman is fraught with problems and challenges to overcome. I just want to be certain that you really understand what it means to give up being Jason. I think about you having this surgery and I just can't imagine having that cut off."
"Dad, I don't know yet about the surgery. It scares me too. Sometimes I think about it and I feel just the way you are feeling. But other times I just hate it, and I just want it gone. I don't know how to make you understand how I feel. Every morning I get up and have to get ready for school. The first thing I have to do is take off my breasts; it feels like I am ripping a part of me off, I can't tell you how much I dread it. And then as I get ready and become Jason again, I feel like I'm pulling on a disguise, that I'm pretending to be someone I'm not. When I get home and can relax and let Kelly come out it is so freeing. I know that you probably can't understand that. Just think how you might feel if you woke up tomorrow as a woman, everyone believing you had always been a woman, but you knew that you were really a man. That is the only way I can describe it."
"I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling, I know that, and I'm really not discounting it. You know it won't all be as easy as it has been for you, if you do go ahead with this. Your mother and I will be with you and your Aunt Sally and Emily are as well. Julie is remarkable, but you never know what is going to happen as you grow up, she may find that she wants a husband, not a wife, or she may very well stay with you. But you are going to find that many people are not going to accept you. You know that your Aunt Jessica is not going to and there are plenty of people like Brad and his father. I can just imagine what they will say, if it becomes known. I worry about you getting hurt. You know we read about transgendered and gay people getting beat up or worse. I don't want that to happen to you."
"Dad, I know you are worried. I am too; people like Brad can be dangerous. If I could wave a magic wand and suddenly be content to be Jason, I suppose that would be great, but I just don't think that is going to happen. I don't want to spend my life feeling like this. I have to do what I can, to feel right in my own body."
Jason's father nodded his head in agreement and they fell back into quiet contemplation. A few minutes later, Jason felt a nibble on his line.
"Dad, I've got a nibble."
Jason's father turned his attention to Jason's line. "Ok Kelly… pull it in just a little. And then let it sit."
They watched, and then all of a sudden the bobbin was pulled down, Jason felt the tug on the line, he gave a little jerk, and the tug became harder. Jason began reeling in the line, pulling hard against the fish. "I've got him now, Dad."
"Ok, yes you do, don't lose him. Take it easy."
Jason continued to work it in. "Get the net, Dad!"
Jason's father grabbed the net, it took them a while but when it was done, they had landed a nice sized bass. All the awkwardness of the earlier conversation was forgotten, as father and daughter celebrated their catch.
A couple hours and several more fish later, they pulled back into the dock. They tied The Kristine to the dock and headed up to the house with their catch. Jason went inside briefly, and when he came back out he and his father went to work cleaning the days catch.
Julie and Jason's mother came out and joined the early risers on the porch.
"Julie, I hope you like fish, because here is tonight's dinner! There is nothing like fresh caught fish, cooked over a wood fire." Jason said.
"I love fish, I'm sure I will enjoy it." Julie replied.
Jason cleaned up and wrapped up the fish and put it in the refrigerator.
"So did you two fill up on donuts and coffee, or would you like some bacon and eggs?" Jason's mother asked.
"I could use some bacon and eggs." Jason's father said.
"If you are making it anyway…" Jason said.
Chapter 39
After breakfast, they changed into their bathing suits, and headed out on the lake in The Kristine to teach Julie to water ski.
Jason went first to show Julie how it was done.
Julie got in the water next, and grabbed the rope. The Anderson's all gave her advice, and Richard made sure she was ready and throttled up. Julie started to come up, and promptly fell over. Richard pulled around made sure that Julie was ok, she insisted on trying again.
It took all morning, but it finally clicked for Julie and she got up and stayed up.
When they got back to the dock, Julie was ecstatic. "Mr. Anderson, thank you so much for your patience! That was fun."
"It was my pleasure Julie." Richard replied.
Later in the week, Jason and Julie were rowing a canoe around the lake. Another canoe carrying two boys came upon them from the opposite direction.
"Damn, Julie, what do we do now?" Jason asked.
"Just stay calm, Kelly. Do you know them?"
"No."
"Just remember, you are Kelly, and let me do most of the talking, ok?"
"Ok."
The boy's canoe came upon them, and the boys said, "Hello."
Julie said, "Hello." Jason nodded his greetings.
"I don't think we have met, I'm Kevin, and this is my brother Sean." The taller of the boys said.
"I'm Julie, and this is my friend, Kelly." Julie replied, nodding her head toward Jason.
"Are you staying on the lake?" Sean asked.
"Yes, we are. How about you?" Julie asked.
"For a few days. Our grandparents have a house here and we are visiting."
"It's great up here, I'm sure you must be having a good time." Julie said.
"Yeah it is, it's our first time here, and we are still getting used to everything. It's nice to see some people our age though. Say, there is supposed to be a big bonfire in the town center tonight, are you going to be there?" Kevin asked.
"I don't know." Julie replied.
"Would you like to come with us?" Sean asked.
Julie smiled and said, "It's very nice of you to offer, but I think my boyfriend Jason and Kelly's boyfriend Jake, might object."
"Oh. Of course, they would be welcome to come too." Sean backtracked.
"We will have to see, I'm afraid I'm not sure what the plans are for tonight and since we are guests of the Anderson's we’ll have to see what they are doing. Maybe we’ll see you there tonight?"
"That would be great. The more the merrier. I hope we see you and your boyfriends later." Kevin said. With that they pushed away and headed back the way they came.
Jason and Julie turned around as well and headed home.
"Thanks Julie. I guess I have to learn how to deal with that, but I just wasn't ready."
"No problem Kelly. They were nice boys though; I hope they find some others to hang out with."
"I almost lost it when you mentioned Jason, but who is Jake?" Jason asked.
"I am, silly. Who do you think your boyfriend is?" Julie said.
Jason raised his eyebrow and said, "I never quite thought about it."
"I didn't either, but I wasn't about to tell them your girlfriend Julie would not approve, now was I. I don't really want to be a guy, but for you, well, it could be fun to try some time."
"Hummm. You know, you delight in making me 'think about you' don't you." Jason asked.
"Yes, I do; because when I 'think about you,' I love to think about you 'thinking about me.'" Julie laughed, then leaned over and kissed Jason.
"Umm… We better get back to the house." Jason said.
"Yes, we probably should…" Julie replied.
They both focused on paddling the canoe and heading back towards the Anderson's lake house.
The next day, Jason woke up and headed out to the kitchen, where he was promptly greeted with shouts of "Happy Birthday, Kelly!" by his parents and Julie.
"Thanks."
They sat down to a full breakfast of pancakes, bacon and eggs. After cleaning up, Julie and Jason got ready to go take an early swim. As they walked down to the dock, two cars pulled into the lake house driveway. Jason saw that the front car was occupied by his Aunt Jessica, and his cousin's Tom and Billy. The second car had his father's parents. Jason turned pale, as he realized he had nowhere to hide.
Jason's father came out of the lake house at the sound of the cars, and said, "Oh shit. Kristine, get out here."
Jessica got out of the car, shouted over to Richard and said, "Surprise Richard, we came up to wish Jason a happy birthday."
Jason was frozen in his tracks. Jessica looked at Julie and said, "Hi, you must be Julie, I've heard a lot about you, but who is your friend?" Jessica looked closer at Jason, and her face started out with a look of confusion, then shock, followed by disgust. She walked right up to Jason and said, "What do we have here. I should have known, I always thought you were a bit of a pansy. Tom get back in the car, and make sure that Billy stays where he is. We will not be staying." She slapped Jason on the face, turned and headed back toward her car.
Richard and Kristine headed her off, and Kristine got into her face first. "How dare you! You have no right to hit my child."
"Get out of my way Kristine; I will not subject my children to this sickness."
"Jessica, you are the only one here that is sick. You think that you have all the answers don't you. Well you don't. If you want to leave, than leave, you weren’t invited anyway. You and I both know this was just an excuse to come and use the lake house and you couldn't care less about Jason, or his birthday."
Billy was shouting, "But I want to go swimming, and play with Jason. Mom you promised!"
Tom was pulling Billy back into the car.
"What the hell is going on here?" Jason's grandfather said.
"Your grandson is a faggot. He’s over there dressed like a girl. In a one piece bathing suit with boobs!" Jessica shouted, then looking at Billy said, "Billy get back in the car. We’re not staying."
"What? Richard, what is going on?"
"Dad, you and Mom come inside, Kris and I will explain it to you. Jessica, if you are willing to listen and be polite, you can come inside as well, otherwise, the road is that way." Richard said.
"There is nothing to listen too. Your son is going to hell and you are obviously encouraging it. I'm not subjecting Billy to this. Don't let Jason come near my son again or I will file molestation charges." Jessica said, and she got back in her car and drove away.
"Richard?"
Richard sighed and said, "Mom, Dad, come on in. It's time we had a talk. Kelly, you and Julie better come inside too."
Jason just buried his face in his hands. Julie hugged him and said, "It's going to be ok, come on let's go inside."
Julie led Jason into the house, followed by his mother, father and grandparents.
"Will someone please explain what is going on around here?" Jason's grandfather said. "Why is Jason dressed like that?"
"Dad, I promise we will explain, but give us a few minutes. Julie, please take Kelly into her bedroom, I'll be right in." Jason's mother said.
Julie led Jason into his bedroom. When the door was closed, Jason's mother turned to her in-laws and said, "Mom, Dad, please sit down. I know this was a bit of a shock and believe me we didn’t plan on you finding out about this like this. Obviously, if we had known you were coming, this would not have happened. I need to go take care of Jason, but will be back out as soon as I can. Let Richard fix you a drink, I'm sure you are going to need it."
"Come on Mom, Dad. Have a seat, and tell me what you want." Jason's father said, as Kristine headed into Jason's room.
She found Jason lying on the bed in a fetal position, rocking back and forth. Julie was holding him and trying to calm him down. Kristine went over and sat next to them. "Kelly. It's going to be ok. Shhh…
Honey, it's ok. We, Julie, your father and I are all right here for you. It's going to be ok."
After a few minutes, his mother mouthed to Julie, "Help me to get her to sit up."
Julie said, "Kelly, come here… sit up and let your mother and I hold you," as she gently tried to pull him towards her. Jason allowed her to pull her in and she put her arms around him, his mother moved in closer and hugged him as well. Jason just held onto Julie as tightly as he could and wept.
The three of them just held on to each other until Jason was wrung out and simply could not cry any more.
"I'm sorry. I knew that Aunt Jessica was not going to react well, but I just did not realize how much it was going to hurt. I can only imagine what awful things she is telling Billy about me. You know, Tom is not going to keep quiet about this; he has friends that go to our school. I'm dead."
"Kelly, we will deal with this as a family. We knew this was likely to happen eventually, if it gets out, then we will face it. Julie, I don't know what this will mean for you at home."
"Don't worry about me, Mrs. Anderson. I will not betray Kelly. It may force me to have the conversation I've been dreading with my parents. I hope they are half as good as you at accepting me."
"I'll do what I can to help."
"Mom, why did Aunt Jessica say she would file molestation charges? What does that mean?"
Jason's mother's expression turned to extreme anger. "She means that she will accuse you of inappropriate sexual contact with Billy. She means that your behavior is perverted and that you would naturally go after her child. It's utter nonsense and it is an awful thing to charge someone with, especially one that is innocent."
Jason looked ill, "I would never do anything like that! How could she even think such a thing?"
"Because she is a religious nut, Kelly. She has no grasp on reality. Everything is black and white to her. Look Kelly, this is her failure not yours. Don't let it worry you. You are going to be just fine. Now, I need to get back out to your grandparents. Your father is probably ready to kill me for leaving him alone with them."
"Oh god, what must they be thinking about me."
"I'm sure they are concerned, they got quite a surprise coming upon you like this. But they did not storm out of here, so I would take that as a good start. You two stay in here for now, Ok?"
When Julie and Jason both acknowledged with a shake of their heads, Kristine got up and headed out of the room.
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 40 - 44. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: Thanks to Joni W for editing this section for me!
Chapter 40
"Is Kelly ok?" Richard asked Kristine as she came into the living room.
"She will be. She is just really hurt by Jessica's reaction." Kristine replied.
"Why do you keep referring to Jason as Kelly? What the heck is going on here?" Jason's grandfather asked.
"We learned several months ago that Jason had been hiding this need to express himself as a girl. He was feeling terribly guilty and ashamed of his feelings. We have been working with a psychologist since then. Jason is transgendered." Kristine said.
"What do you mean? Trans what? Jason is a boy, he is a good ball player, loves to fish, he is not effeminate. What about this Julie, did she do this to him." Jason's grandmother said.
"No Mom, she didn't. We found out about this before he and Julie got together. Julie has been very supportive of him, but she is not the cause. I know that it is hard to understand, hell, I still don't fully understand it, but there is no doubt about it. Jason is far happier as Kelly then he ever was as Jason." Richard told his parents.
"And what does this psychologist say. Surely with his help, Jason can be cured of this foolishness? And why are you letting it go on?"
"Dad, it isn't foolishness. Look, we have had to do a lot of research on this recently. This is more common than you would realize. We could forbid Jason from expressing this, but the research shows that forcing transgendered people to suppress their inner selves leads to serious depression and worse. I would much rather have Jason become my daughter Kelly, then for him to sink into depression and possibly kill himself. That is what happens." Richard said.
Jason's grandmother gasped.
"So what exactly did this psychologist recommend?" Jason's grandfather asked.
"That we give Jason the time to figure out what is right for him. He said that some, though not many, may grow out of it. But he also told us that most never do. The important thing is to figure out just how far he needs to go with this. From what we’ve seen, Jason is not going to grow out of this. He is Kelly. Looking back, he has always been Kelly; we just didn’t realize it. Kristine and I are fully behind him… No… Kristine and I are fully behind her." Richard looked at Kristine, reached over and took her hand, giving it a loving squeeze. Kristine returned the squeeze and smiled at him.
"Mom, Dad, I know this is a lot to take in. But I also know that you two love Jason and want him to be safe, healthy and happy in his life. He needs this to be happy. I know in my heart that we are doing the right thing for him. He is going to need as many people to help him face the challenges ahead; as many as possible. We know that Jessica will never come around and that is unfortunate. I hope that you will give Kelly a chance, because she certainly wants you to be a part of her life. She is in her room right now, worrying about how you are going to react. Are you going to be like Jessica and disown her, or are you going to be like Sally and accept her for who she is?" Kristine asked.
"Ira, I am not going to reject my grandchild and neither are you; and you know it. Jason has always been a wonderful grandson and I'm sure that Kelly will be a wonderful granddaughter. Kristine, I want to meet my granddaughter."
"Lizzie…"
"Ira, I mean it. You know Richard and Kristine are good parents. If they tell you that this is the right thing for Jason, you know that it is, to the best of their ability. We are not going to add to their problems. Jessica is going to get an earful from her mother tonight, because her behavior was not very Christian in my book! At least not in the way I was brought up and not the way we raised her either."
Ira sighed, looked at his wife, his daughter-in-law and son, and said, "Of course, Lizzie. You’re right."
"Kristine, introduce me to my granddaughter and her girlfriend please."
"Mom, it will be my pleasure." Kristine replied, and led Lizzie toward Jason's room.
They knocked on the door, and then went in.
Jason and Julie were sitting on the bed holding hands, with Jason's head on Julie's shoulder. Julie was trying to keep Jason calm. They both looked, with slight trepidation, at the two women that had come into the room.
"Mom, this is your granddaughter Kelly." Kristine said.
"Don't just sit their girl, come and give me a hug!" Jason's grandmother said.
Jason expression showed his relief as he got up from the bed and went to his grandmother and hugged her, saying "I love you Grandma."
"Shhh… It's going to be fine. I love you too, Kelly. Now how about introducing me to your girlfriend. Julie, I believe, isn't it?"
"Ohh… I'm sorry, yes, Julie this is my Grandma Anderson."
Julie came over and said, "Hello Mrs. Anderson, I'm happy to finally meet you."
"Please call me Lizzie. It’s a pleasure to meet you as well, Julie. I'm sorry that things got off to a rough start here today. But we’re going to put all that behind us and get on with celebrating Jas... I'm sorry, Kelly's birthday. Kelly, I'm sorry, but I suspect that the gifts we brought are not quite appropriate now. We will just have to go shopping soon and get you something better."
"I haven't changed that much, Grandma. I still like the same things I always did." Jason replied.
"Well, I don't think the shirts and pants I bought are quite right now. Besides, you know I love shopping for my grandkids. If you tell me that you don't want to go shopping for some new clothes, I'm going to wonder if you really are a teenage girl." She said with a wink.
"Oh, no… I can always use some new outfits."
Julie laughed at that. "See, she really is a girl. You should see her trying to figure out what to wear when we go out."
Grandma Lizzie chuckled. "Ok, I have to ask, are you Kelly's girl friend, or Kelly's Girlfriend?"
"I'm both. I don't care if she is Kelly or Jason, she is my best friend."
"Fair enough. Well Kelly, are you ready to meet your grandfather? I promise he won't bite, but he’s probably going to take a while to warm up to you."
"Yes, I guess so."
"Then let's go."
With that, she took Jason by the hand and led him out to the living room.
Chapter 41
"Ira, come meet your granddaughter."
Jason watched as his grandfather came over to him. Jason closed the gap and went to hug him, his grandfather hesitated, opened his arms, as he looked down at Jason holding him, he sighed and returned the hug, softly at first, but then with feeling.
"Kelly. Happy Birthday."
"Thank you, Grandpa." Jason squeezed him tightly one more time, and then said, "Grandpa, this is Julie."
"Hello Mr. Anderson." Julie said.
"Julie. It's a pleasure."
"Julie, you can call him Ira." Jason's grandmother said.
"Oh… Of course, thank you Lizzie. Julie, please call me Ira." Grandpa said.
The rest of the morning and afternoon, they spent in various activities. They had an early dinner, followed by the birthday cake, which said Happy Birthday Kelly. After cake, Jason opened his presents. From his parents, he got a necklace. Julie gave him a pretty top. "You have to tell my Mom that I gave you a nice shirt."
Grandma Lizzie said, "As we discussed, we will go out for something when you come home."
Soon after opening his presents, his grandparents had to leave to go home.
"Kelly, I have watched you all day today. I see how happy you are and I want you to know that I love you. Your Grandmother and I will be here for you."
"Grandpa, you don't know how much that means to me. Thank you! I love you!" And he gave them both hugs and kisses.
Chapter 42
"Jessica, I was ashamed of you today." Lizzie said to her daughter, later that night, on the phone.
"Mom, I am not going to expose my children to that perversion."
"Jessica, you claim to be Christian and you would not even give your own brother the benefit of hearing him out. You slapped your nephew!"
"Somebody needs to tell him that it is not ok. But no, my brother just lets him do it because he thinks he wants it. It's a sin; it says so in the bible."
"Really… it does? Where?"
"Mom, I'm not debating it with you. You know as well as I do that the bible condemns faggots."
"Don't use that kind of language to me! And no, I don't know that. I know that your husband and your preacher interpret certain passages that way and that they ignore those things that are prohibited that they don't want to give up. But even if it is, Christ said, 'love the sinner, hate the sin.' You should be supporting your family, but instead you wrap yourself in self-righteousness. Don't pull that nonsense with me. I brought you into this world. Your beliefs do not justify the act of hatred you exhibited today."
"That wasn't hatred; it was an act of love. I was trying to wake up my brother, so that he can save his son from eternal damnation. Jason needs to understand that it is not acceptable and then he will quit this sinful activity. He is just looking for attention. Well he got it."
"You know Jessica, it's love like that that got Christ crucified. If you weren't my daughter, I would really love to be there when you meet him. As it is, it would hurt too much to watch him reject you the way you rejected your nephew today."
"That is blasphemy. I will not sit here and listen to you blaspheming my Lord and Savior."
"Fine. I'm done. But if you or Tom cause problems for Jason, you are turning your back on your family, your father and I are supporting him fully."
"Jason has made his own bed; he will have to lie in it. When all is said and done, I hope he comes to his senses, better a bit of problems here on earth, eternity is a long time."
"I'm not bluffing, Jessica."
"Neither am I, Mom. Goodbye." Jessica hung up the phone.
"Damn!" She slammed the phone down on its hook. "Ira!"
"What?"
"Where the hell did I go wrong with her. She is a self-righteous bitch."
"You did not let me shoot that bastard that she married."
Lizzie laughed, "Well yes, that probably was a mistake."
"I take it your call did not go well?"
"No, she can rationalize anything she does. It's God's work."
"Is she going to out Jason?"
"I think she is going to let Tom do it. He may have already done so. I told her we were fully supporting Jason and that if they cause problems for Jason, they were turning their back on the family. She did not care."
"I guess we’ll find out when Richard, Kristine, Jason and Julie get home, just a couple of more days."
Chapter 43
Tom sat at his computer, looking at the picture from his camera phone. Seeing Jason all dressed up as a girl made him sick to his stomach. He attached it to an e-mail, and addressed it to two of his friends that lived in Jason's town, and hit send.
Kathy and Sue looked at the computer screen. "Oh, shit." Kathy said.
There, in an e-mail, that had been forwarded over and over again, probably to three quarters of their classmates already, if not all, was a picture of Jason standing next to Julie. Jason was wearing a one-piece bathing suit, with long hair, and of course breasts. The caption clearly labeled it as Jason, and while that might have been questionable, there was no question that it was Julie, and since people knew full well that the two were dating, no one was going to question it.
The phone rang.
"Hello John. Yes, I just got it. No, I don't think it is doctored. Look, come on over, we can talk it through here. Kathy is here too." Sue said. "Oh this is going to be fun. He is not a happy guy right now."
"I'm sure he isn't."
A little while later, John was sitting in Sue's kitchen. "What the heck is going on? Did you know about this?"
Sue sighed. "Yes, we figured it out a few weeks ago."
"And you didn't tell me!" John said.
"John, it had nothing to do with you and it was too risky for Jason. It would have been better for him, if we had not figured it out. I don't betray my friends."
"But you know everyone is going to assume that I knew! They're going to think that I'm gay."
"But you are not gay and Jason isn't either. He is not interested in boys. He and Julie really are together." Sue said.
Kathy had been quiet till now but she said, "Look, Jason has been your best friend for years. If it wasn't for Julie and him getting together, you would not have Sue here, have you forgotten that. The fact is, it was because Julie found out about Jason that they got together in the first place. She likes it. Jason is a great guy and by the way, a nice girl too. So are you going to be a friend, or are you going to turn your back on him."
"I don't know. I don't know what to think. I've known him most of my life and we have been friends forever. We have shared a room together and this whole time he has kept this to himself. I feel like he has been lying to me our whole lives."
Sue said, "John, I understand, but try to put yourself in his place. You know how people are going to react to this. He only told his parents a few months ago, he surely couldn't have told you before them. He didn’t tell Julie, or us, we caught him. Julie saw him buying girls shoes with his mother and remember we told you that they had told us that he had a cousin Kelly, well he is Kelly. He fought this for years and is only now coming to terms with it himself. Please John, give him a chance. They will be home tomorrow; he’s going to need all the friends he has."
John looked at them both, let out a sigh and said, "Ok, I'll try."
Chapter 44
They pulled into Julie's driveway. The whole town knew about Jason. Her mother had called last night, after having been called by one of her friends.
Her mother originally wanted to come up and get Julie and bring her home right then. However, considering the hour, and the fact that they were coming home in the morning anyway, she consented to allow her to stay the one final night.
Her mother would not listen to her attempts to explain.
After much discussion, Julie had told Jason's parents that they could push her mother to talk to her about her own sexuality.
Richard opened the trunk and got Julie's bag out. The front door opened and Julie's mother came out. She was clearly upset.
"Julie, go inside." She said.
She started to reply, but her mother cut her off, "Don't say a word. Go inside, now."
"You and Kristine have a lot of nerve. How could you keep this a secret from Ken and me? We trusted you to keep Julie safe."
"She was safe."
"Oh… then why is she in a picture with your son dressed up like a girl? What does that make her and how safe will she be in school. What chance will she have to find a real boyfriend? No boy will want to be with her now, because everyone will assume they are gay, like your son."
"Jason is not gay. He is transgendered. There is a difference. Trust me we are all just as upset as you are about that picture being circulated. The one thing I do know is that Jason is going to hold his head up high and face it. You need to speak with your daughter and listen to her. There is a reason that she and Jason came together. I know you know what I'm talking about, because Ken told me about your concerns. I'm sorry that Julie has been brought into this and we will do whatever is necessary to protect them both. I know you don't think so right now, but we have come to really care for Julie, we don't want her hurt, any more than you do."
"You and your family will stay away from Julie. Do you hear me?"
"Yes, I hear you. Speak to her."
Richard closed the trunk, got into the car and drove away.
Julie's mother went inside and sent Brian out to get Julie's bags. She went up to Julie's room and found her lying on the bed crying.
"Julie. You are not to go anywhere near that boy again. You stay away from him; you don't talk to him, no e-mails, no contact. He does not exist, do you understand?"
Julie sat up, looked at her mother and said, "No. I understand, but no. I will not desert him. Especially now, when he is going to need me the most."
"Julie this is not open to negotiation. You will not have contact with Jason."
"You're right about one thing; it is not open to negotiation, I am not going to turn on him."
"Julie, you have already seriously damaged your reputation. It’s going to be difficult to overcome this and until you do, no boy is going to want anything to do with you. The longer you stay with him the harder that will be."
"I don't want any boys. I have never wanted a boy. Don't you understand; I don't like boys that way. I don't like girls that way either. That is what got me interested in Jason in the first place. I caught him buying girls shoes and it was like a whole world opened up for me. I confronted him with it and that is why I got invited to their house that first night. So his mother could find out if I was going to use that information to hurt him. I used to think I was going to be alone my whole life, than I met Jason. I don't know if he and I will still be together when we get older, but I know what I am looking for now."
Julie's mother looked like she had been punched in the stomach.
"You don't like boys? So you are gay?"
"I don't know Mom. I don't like boys, I kind of like girls, though I'm a little bit grossed out by the thought of touching a girl down there. Though not as much as the idea of being with a boy. Yuck. But Jason is a little bit of both and I have to tell you, I really like that."
"Julie, you are too young to know that. You just think you’re gay."
"You're not listening Mom. I don't think anything, but I know how I feel. It isn't going to change. I know you love me Mom and I know you don't like things that are outside the norm, but you are going to have to accept me as I am. You know, one thing I did learn from the Andersons, they accept people as they are. Mr. Anderson had a lot of trouble with Kelly, but he never lost sight of the fact that he loved his child and that her happiness and well being were the most important thing. I hope that you and Daddy can open yourselves up to accept me. This is who I am, Mom. You can either accept me, or reject me, but you cannot change me."
Julie lifted her head up as she was speaking. Her eyes watering, but defiant.
"Julie…"
"Mom, I love you, but that's the choice; accept me as I am, or reject me. Can you meet me part way? Are you willing to try to accept, I don't need unconditional acceptance this second. If you are willing to try, I have the phone number of Jason's psychologist. He can work with us as a family to help you and Daddy, and frankly me to learn to accept me. If you are not willing to try, then I will have to leave."
Julie's mom sat down in Julie's desk chair.
"Leave? Your fourteen years old, where do you think you would go. Did the Andersons put you up to this?"
"No, they didn't. I'm sure they would give me a home though, while I tried to work things out with you and Daddy. But I also think that Kathy or Sue's parents would put me up. None of them would let me go live on the street. Should I leave?"
"No, of course not Julie, I don't want you to leave, and neither would your father. I don't know what to think. I'm very upset about this picture and I'm furious that the Andersons knew about this and did not think it was something we should know about."
"Mom, they did not have much choice. I made them promise and they could not tell you without putting Jason at risk. They had to trust me and I had to trust them."
"They still should have told us."
"Mom, they couldn't. Please, can we call them and arrange to get together and clear the air. We’re all going to need each other to get through this. The whole town knows about Kelly and me. Kelly is going to have a really tough time of it. Now that it is out, I think that Kelly is going to go full time. She has nothing left to hide."
"I don't know... Damn, oh alright, I will call them."
"Thank you Mom. I do love you, I hope you know that."
"I do, Julie. I love you too. Do you have any more secrets I need to know about?"
"No, I think this one is big enough."
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 45 - 46. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgendered nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: Thanks to Joni W for editing this section for me!
Chapter 45
"Jessica, you have really gone too far this time!" Richard hissed into the phone. "Having Tom send that picture out and outing Jason is the most despicable thing I have ever seen you do. No matter what your beliefs, that was downright wrong. Why don't you just call for a lynching, you know what that is going to do to him at school! I swear Jessica, if anything happens to him, I will make sure that you pay for it. As it is, my lawyers are looking into whether or not we can sue you for anything. I have put up with your nonsense for years because you are my sister, but no more. Goodbye." Richard slammed the phone down.
Jessica hung up the phone, and went into Tom's room.
"Tom, what did you do?" She asked.
"What do you mean?" he replied with a puzzled look on his face.
"Where did you get a picture of Jason in that girls bathing suit, and why would you send it out into the world?"
"I took it with my camera phone while Uncle Richard and Aunt Kristine where arguing with you. I sent it out to shine the light of God on Jason."
"I thought you were going to confront Jason about it, not expose his sin to the world."
"I followed the teachings of Reverend Tripard. Reverend Tripard preaches about what we should do when confronted with perversion. He always tells us that abomination hides in even the most God fearing families. In our shame we let it fester and grow like a cancerous growth, because we are ashamed that we have found it in our own families. We must expose sodomites to the light of God, and never let our shame in their acts give them aide and shelter. Jason will feel the light of God now! You know this, Mom; surely you are not going to tell me that Reverend Tripard is wrong?"
"No, of course not Tom, I would never say such a thing."
"I am praying that Jason will learn from this trial and put this behind him."
"I know Tom, me too. Sometimes we must do things that are hard. Unfortunately, the rest of the family does not understand. We are going to have to shoulder this burden ourselves; none of them are going to support us."
"I'm not surprised. It is a shame that Jason will take them all down with him, I will add them to my prayers."
Chapter 46
"Well Jason, a lot has happened since we last met." Dr. Daniels said.
"Yes, it sure has."
"How are you handling it?"
"It's hard, but I have a lot of support. Mom and Dad have been great. Julie, I can't say enough about Julie. She stood up to her mother and told her about her own issues. I think they are going to be calling you. We all got together later on that night. It was a little tense at first, as her parents were really upset at Mom and Dad for keeping all of this a secret. Especially Julie's sexuality, but they eventually acknowledged that Mom and Dad had been in a no win situation on it and had done what they could to make sure that Julie was being supported. After that we talked about how to face the community. When we got home the answering machine was full."
"Tell me about the calls?"
"Some of them were supportive. Some were quite nasty. I think the worst were the ones that were false supportive."
"How do you mean?"
"One lady called, and said 'Oh, Kristine, it must be so difficult. I don't know what I would do if my son were gay. If there is anything I can do for you, please call.' It was just so… I think I preferred the ones that were just outright nasty. It seemed more honest. That is aside from the fact that she does not know the difference between gay and transgendered."
"Yes, I can see what you mean. How about your friends, have you spoken with any of them?"
"Well, Kathy and Sue both dropped by and gave me support. Kathy's parents were taken aback, but told her they were proud of her for taking a stand. Sue's mother was fine. The hard one was John. He was kind of pissed at me. I think it will be ok eventually, but he is upset because he feels like I have been lying to him our whole lives. At the same time he acknowledges that he would not have gotten together with Sue if it were not for Julie and I getting together. Sue made sure he knew that Julie and I would not have gotten together if she had not caught me. So we shook hands and said we would see how things go. I have not seen Steve yet; he just got back from Disney today. Kathy spoke to him though and she thinks he will come around."
"Then you have done remarkably well. The people closest to you are being supportive. So where do you want to go from here?"
"I want to be Kelly. I am so much happier when I'm Kelly. I've talked to Mom and Dad and I want to start living full time as Kelly."
"What about school?"
"Everyone already knows, so how much worse can it be. I'm not going to deny it. I will face it, whatever is involved. Mom and Dad are willing to fight for it with the school board if necessary. My bigger concern is the changes that have already started to happen in my body. Mom said that she had read that there were some medicines that could stop or slow down the start of puberty."
"Yes there are. If we decide that that is the right option for you, I can recommend a doctor that can prescribe that for you."
"You can't do that?"
"No, you need an endocrinologist to make sure that your body can handle it properly."
"Oh. Will you recommend it?"
"I have to speak to your parents. I might, because it would buy you some time."
"You will talk to my parents about it then?"
"Yes."
Jason and Dr. Daniels continued to discuss things, until shortly before the end of his hour. Dr. Daniels asked him to send in his parents.
"Well things have certainly gotten a little out of hand." Dr. Daniels said to them.
"Yes, my sister really put Jason in a tough place."
"Yes she did. Jason said he wants to go full time. How do you feel about that?"
"I think it is something he needs to do. Everyone knows already, so there is no risk of discovery." Kristine said.
"That is true. There are those that will be even more confrontational if they come on him as Kelly. You will also have to fight with the school, they are not likely to want to have to deal with this. Although the fact that he is switching schools may make that easier and schools around the country are starting to deal with transgendered students. There is precedence."
"What about the blockers?"
"They are very expensive, and they are not covered by insurance."
"I know, I've been doing the research. We need time, doctor. I'm not ready to do anything that is irreversible, or even partially reversible. We will find a way to pay for it."
"Ok, I agree. I'll give you a referral to an endocrinologist."
"Thank you, Doctor."
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 47 - 49. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgendered nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Dear Editor,
It has come to our attention that the High School has recently admitted a 15 year-old male student, who will attend school as a girl. An assembly is planned for the first day of school to instruct the student body on acceptable behavior toward this student. As a parent of a child that attends the high school, I find this highly unacceptable. Why my child must be exposed to this deviant, perverted behavior is beyond me.
...
Authors Note: Thanks to Joni W for editing this section for me!
Chapter 47
Richard, Kristine and Jason dressed as Kelly, sat in the high school principal's office. They were there to meet with Mr. Martin, the principal and Mr. West the school superintendant.
"Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, surely you know that such a request is highly irregular. This is a place of learning, and having Jason attend dressed as a girl would be quite a distraction. I don't think that it would be fair to the other students." Mr. Martin said.
"Mr. Martin, the whole town already knows about Kelly. It is going to be a distraction anyway and most likely abusive, so the school is already going to have to deal with this situation, whether Kelly attends as Jason, or as Kelly. It is our hope that meeting Kelly will put a human face to the problem and actually aid her in being accepted. The documents in front of you have been prepared by Kelly's doctors; recommending that Kelly begin full time real life trials. She is under the care of a psychologist, a pediatrician and an endocrinologist. You also have several briefs prepared by my attorneys regarding state law and transgendered children's rights to an education. The fact is in this state the law is fairly clear, and is on Kelly's side." Richard said.
Mr. West looked over the papers and looking at Mr. Martin said, "They are correct. State law is fairly clear on the rights of Gay, Lesbian and Transgender students. The paperwork appears to be in order, so we will be prepared to enroll Kelly in September."
"Good, than we need to discuss the safety precautions that you will take for Kelly and Julie. They have both been the target of a lot of hate mail this summer. And they will need to be protected here at the school." Richard said.
"Do you have the names of the people that sent those?"
"Yes, here is a list. The violent ones have been reported to the police."
"Harassment will not be tolerated here, we will insure that. We will have to address this to the student body when school starts, including some education on what transgender is. Starting with sensitivity training for the staff, I can think of some on the staff that are going to have trouble with this." Mr. West told Mr. Martin.
"I expect you to review the assignment of teachers for Kelly and Julie to insure that they are not in a class with a teacher that is unable to be fair and objective." Kristine said.
"We expect all of our teachers to be fair and objective, Mrs. Anderson. We will do our best to make sure that the standards are met." Mr. Martin replied.
"One further detail needs to be agreed upon from a logistical standpoint. Parents will be understandably concerned about Kelly using the girl's bathrooms. I don't believe that having Kelly using the boy's bathrooms is quite appropriate either. Also, changing clothes for gym presents a similar problem. I think that the best solution to both of these logistical issues is for Kelly to use the individual bathroom, located in the nurse's office, for both purposes. Is that agreeable?" Mr. West asked.
"Yes, that is agreeable. We do not want Kelly in the boy's bathrooms or locker rooms, and we actually do think that having her in the girl's rooms at this time is probably not advisable." Kristine said.
"Then we are in agreement. Any other issues you would like to cover at this time?" Mr. West asked.
"No, I think that is it for now." Richard stated.
"Kelly, I wish I could tell you that everything was going to be fine and that you will have no problems in the next year, but as a realist, I can say that there will be those that will give you a hard time. What I can say is that we will do everything we can to keep that to a minimum and to address the problems as they come up. Be sure to let us know what is happening and what we can do to help." Mr. West said.
"Thank you Superintendant West." Jason said.
Chapter 48
"Well, you made the local paper today." Kristine said to Jason.
"What? What did it say?" Jason asked.
"There is a letter to the editor, blasting the High School for admitting you as a girl. It reads,"
Dear Editor,
It has come to our attention that the High School has recently admitted a 15 year-old male student, who will attend school as a girl. An assembly is planned for the first day of school to instruct the student body on acceptable behavior toward this student. As a parent of a child that attends the high school, I find this highly unacceptable. Why my child must be exposed to this deviant, perverted behavior is beyond me.
This is just further evidence of the demise of our culture. That the school would even entertain such a request, instead of contacting family services to report child abuse is a testament to the world of political correctness. How a confused fifteen year old can be presumed to have enough knowledge to make such a decision, and his parents to allow him to act on it, is pure and simple a travesty. This child will clearly never be cured of his delusion, since he is not being treated for it.
That is bad enough, but to inflict this confusion on our healthy children! This is why public schools should be closed down and replaced with a vouchering system to allow parents the choice of private schools to send their children too.
The Board of Education meets next Wednesday, I encourage all parents to attend that meeting and demand that this student be expelled.
Signed Angry Parent.
Editor's note: The above letter was edited to remove the name of the student.
"Like there is anyone in this town that is not aware of whom that would be. I guess we will be going to the Board of Education meeting on Wednesday night, what do you think Kelly?" Jason's mother asked.
"I'm sorry Mom." Jason replied.
"Don't be. Your father and I expected as much. I wonder which of the school staff wrote this letter or I suppose is more likely leaked it to someone else to write the letter. It does not really matter. The state law is very specific on this subject; they cannot really deny you. We are quite fortunate that we live here, because in most states, you would not have protection."
"I just hate that I have put you and Dad through this. I've heard you telling off people you have been friends with since as long as I can remember. Now you have to go fight the town at the board meeting… I just feel so guilty about it all."
"Stop it Kelly. You are not doing this to make our lives difficult. This is happening because there is something in you that needs to do this. You feel guilty because these people we thought were friends are not acting like friends. They are not supporting us when we need them. That is not because of you, that is because they aren't really friends. Some of them may come around, others won't. Those that don't I don't need. We have had quite a few of our friends be truly supportive. I know John took it hard, but he seems to be coming around. You had the whole gang here yesterday, and it seemed like old times."
"Mostly. Steve and John's eyes nearly popped out of their heads the first time they saw me. Sue and Kathy laughed at them and told them to stop drooling, or they were going to make them jealous. It was kind of funny, but even though I have no interest in boys, it felt kind of nice that they thought I was attractive." Jason smiled.
"That is something I understand. It is always nice to be appreciated; even though it is also a bit disconcerting the way men look at us sometimes. Well, let me call Julie's mother, we are going to need them on Wednesday as well."
Chapter 49
Jason and his parents walked into the Board of Education meeting, followed by a large contingent of their supporters. Jason was dressed in a simple but pretty dress. Michele had done his hair and makeup for the evening. Julie held Jason's hand, and gave it a squeeze of encouragement. Kathy, Sue, John and Steve and most of their parents were also there. All four of his Grandparents, and his Aunt Sally were there as well. His mom had gone over to her parent's house as soon as they got home and explained things, fortunately before they had heard about it through the grapevine.
The Board of Education meeting had been moved from the relatively small town hall to the high school auditorium, in anticipation of the large crowd. Jason looked around and it seemed to him that the whole town was present. The board was set up at a table that was set upon the stage, and each of the board members had a microphone.
A podium was setup with a microphone in the orchestra seating area.
Jason and his group made their way to the front section, and took seats that had been reserved for them. Jason noticed people staring at him and pointing in his direction.
Mr. Lewis, the board president, used his gavel and asked for the crowd to quiet down and take their seats. It took a few minutes, but the crowd did settle down.
Mr. Lewis asked Jeremy Stone, a sophomore, to lead them in the pledge of allegiance. When he was done, Mr. Lewis, said, "Thank you, Jeremy. Ok the meeting is now in order. Members of the board, I suggest that considering the circumstances that we dispense with the normal business of the board for this meeting and address the issue that has brought out the community in such large numbers. Any objections?"
Mr. Lewis looked at each board member, and said, "None noted. Before we allow members of the community the opportunity to speak, I will start by adding into the record, that the student in question has properly applied as per state law, to be considered a transitioning student. She has properly met the requirements of submitting affidavits from her attending doctors, including a licensed psychologist that she has begun the real life trial. State Law is clear and concise as to our responsibilities to the student in question and we will carry them out. Also, to clear up the inevitable question, the student will be using the single occupant restroom in the nurse's office, for her bathroom needs, as well as for changing for physical education classes. Now everyone that wishes to address the board will be granted the opportunity, but I will ask that you try to keep your comments brief; a maximum of five minutes, and keep it courteous. If you wish a turn, please see one of the two students at the desks on the far right and far left, to sign up. We will call your name when it is your turn."
A number of people got up and signed up. A runner brought the first few names up to Mr. Lewis, who pounded his gavel and said, "Alright, first up, Karen Jones. Come up to the podium please."
Karen Jones went over to the podium and said, "Thank you Mr. Lewis. From your statement it sounds like this meeting is a waste of time, you imply that you have no options under state law to change this ridiculous decision. I don't understand how our legislature could have enacted such a crazy law, which would allow a boy to come into this school dressed as a girl. What are his parents thinking to allow, even encourage this behavior, by sending their child to school this way. Why is the state not stepping in and putting this child into the care of responsible people that would teach this child that just because you wish for something, does not mean you can have it. It is a sad statement on society that we are even having this discussion today. Thank you."
A number of other parents expressing similar views were heard from next.
Mr. Lewis then called Shelly Sanders. Julie's mother made her way to the podium.
"Thank you, Mr. Lewis. I have sat here and listened to the prior speakers come up here and give their opinions as to why this young lady…"
"You mean sissy, he's no lady! And your daughter is dating him, does that make her a dyke!" A voice from the crowd shouted out. Others shouted in agreement.
Mr. Lewis banged his gavel. "That will be enough of that. Any more outbursts like that and I will have Officer Dowling start removing people!"
The crowd quieted down.
Mr. Lewis said, "Mrs. Sanders, please continue. We are resetting your five minutes."
"Thank you, again, Mr. Lewis. As I was saying, I have been listening to all of the reasons why this young lady should not be allowed to attend our high school. What I have heard is a bunch of ignorant people that no nothing of what it is to be transgendered, or what the family has done to arrive at this point. When I first learned about Kelly, no sense using euphemisms, we all know who this is about, and came to know that my daughter Julie was dating a boy that wanted to be a girl; my first reaction was to forbid her to see Jason any more. Julie, however, stood up for her friend, and told me that she would not, in fact could not, obey such an order. She made me listen and learn. The Anderson's are not doing this on a whim; they have been working with a psychologist. They have done their homework, and what they know, that most of you don't know, is that most children that show transgendered tendencies never outgrow it. And that those that are not given the opportunity to express themselves, as they see themselves, sink into depression and many try to kill themselves, quite a few with regrettable success. The Andersons would rather have a live girl child, then a dead son. That makes them good parents to me. Those of you that question the Andersons as good parents, have no idea what that means. Most of you know me, my husband and I are known to be highly conservative. I am here to support Kelly and her parents, because it is the right thing to do. Thank you, Mr. Lewis."
"Thank you, Mrs. Sanders."
The meeting continued on like this, some people arguing against Kelly, others offering support. Mr. Lewis called on John Fienberg.
"Thank you, Mr. Lewis. Most of you knew my son, Chris. You also know that Chris killed himself several years ago. What most of you don’t know is why. I suspect that most of you assumed that the casket was closed because of how he killed himself. The details were never released. Chris was very much like Jason Anderson. Unlike the Andersons, my wife and I were unable to see or understand Chris's need. He had tried to talk to us; I shut him down. I told him that there would not be any sissies living in my house. I made him try out for football, which he was good at, though he hated it. And he suffered, quietly. Until the one day when Chris could not take it anymore. My wife and I found Chris, in his bedroom. He had taken a concoction of sleeping pills and alcohol, and he was already dead. He had left us a note, where he explained that he was sorry that he could not be the son that I needed…."
Mr. Fienberg was struggling to speak at this point, and the auditorium was quiet, except for the sounds of people crying for him.
He took a breath and said, "I'm sorry, it is difficult to talk about, but I must share this with you all, so that you can try to understand why this is so important, and why the Andersons deserve your support, not these senseless attacks. Chris said that he was sorry that he could not be the son that I needed, that he was a girl, and he hoped that there was something to re-incarnation, because he needed to try again. He made one last request; on the bed next to him, neatly folded was a black dress, and everything else that goes with it. He asked to be buried in this outfit. That is why his casket was closed. I could not bear the community finding out, yet my wife and I could not refuse this final request. I wish that I could have had the courage that the Anderson's have shown and been able to give my boy… oh, my boy… my boy… I wish I could have been strong enough to let my boy go and welcomed him as my daughter. Kristine, Richard you are better parents than I was, may god bless you."
With that Mr. Fienberg, broke down. His wife came to him, and Kristine, Richard and Jason, came over and helped her walk him out of the auditorium.
The crowd remained quiet and stunned. There were sounds of people crying, and the board members themselves were struggling to keep their composure.
When the Anderson's returned, Mr. Lewis said, "Well… I guess we need to continue on." He started to read down the list, and one after another declined, saying that everything had already been said.
Then Mr. Lewis called on Brad's father Mr. Johnson.
"Well, well, so we get to hear a sob story, about another sissy. One that was such a failure that he offed himself and we are supposed to feel guilty now and let this crap go without a fight. If Chris Fienberg wanted to be a girl so much, maybe he did the right thing. Maybe he is a girl now somewhere, since he believed in re-incarnation. Maybe that is what anybody that is so screwed up in the head as to want to cut off their dick should do. Maybe they just need a little help. What they don't need is to be told that it is ok for them to prance around the school in drag. And we shouldn't be letting them."
Mr. Lewis banged the gavel, "Mr. Johnson, this is on the record. Threatening to kill someone is a criminal offense!"
"I ain't threatening anybody. I'm just saying if they are gonna kill themselves they need help. Are you saying that they don't?"
"Not the kind of help you are talking about sir. I suggest you take your seat before I have to have Officer Dowling arrest you."
"That's fine, I'm finished talkin' anyway." Mr. Johnson walked out of the auditorium.
"Evelyn, please make sure you make a copy of that recording and forward it to Officer Dowling."
"Yes, Mr. Lewis."
"Alright, is there anyone else that wants to speak before I yield to Kristine Anderson?" Mr. Lewis, looked around, no one rose.
"Ok, Mrs. Anderson, your turn." He told her.
"Thank you Mr. Lewis. Well… I had a lot to say about statistics, etc. I am not going to bore you with them. If Mr. Fienberg's testimony is not enough for you to understand why Richard and I are supporting Kelly, then no amount of talking from me is going to convince you. The bottom line is that regardless of what your beliefs are, state law is clear. Kelly has every right to attend school, in the manner that is most conducive to her learning. We would have preferred to have kept this secret for a bit longer, to be certain that it is what is right for her, but since she was so publicly outed, we feel strongly that this is her best chance to get the education she deserves. We know that there are those of you that have strong feelings on this, but we expect you to be adults and to treat our daughter at least civilly."
"Thank you Mrs. Anderson. Now you have all had your hearing. As I said at the outset, state law is very clear, perhaps now you understand better why the law is what it is. I want to publicly thank Mr. Fienberg, on the record, for his courage in sharing his story with us today. I cannot imagine what it was like for him to do so. With that I am going to call for this meeting to adjourn."
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 50 - 52. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgendered nature, and his mostly supportive family.
He could forgive them, as he was sure that Chris would forgive Mr. Fienberg, if he could.
Authors Note: Thanks to Joni W for editing this section for me!
Chapter 50
That night while Jason lay in bed, he thought about all the changes going on in his life and how he had gotten to this point. Earlier in the day, Julie, Julie's mother, Kathy, Sue, his Aunt Sally and his mother were all with him as Michele did her magic. He had spent a lot of this summer fully as Kelly, but had kept away from the general public as much as possible.
Mostly he and his friends had gathered at one of their houses. Julie's family had a pool, so a lot of the time was spent there. He laughed as he thought that at least he had not had to worry about the tan lines.
Of course he had gone to the school to meet with the principal and the superintendant as Kelly. He had thought the butterflies that he felt that day were bad, but they did not hold a candle on what he had felt tonight.
This was different, he had thought that he was going to be seen by just about every person in town, and he was not too far off with that estimate.
As he sat there and listened to each and every person that got up to speak, knowing that he was at the center of the division, he kept wondering if this was the right thing to do. Sitting there and listening to the horrible things that some of them had to say about his parents, hurt him and made him angry. "Who the hell are these people to judge my parents? What do they know about how hard this has been for them and how hard they try to do what is right?" Jason thought to himself.
Then he thought, "Maybe I should just put it all aside and be what they all expect me to be. Could I do that?"
He thought about taking all of Kelly's things, bagging them up and taking them to good will. He knew of course, that he would be teased about it forever; even if he did at least it would be over. Even as he was thinking that, he knew it would never be over.
His heart ached as he thought of never being able to be Kelly again and he knew that if he tried to completely remove Kelly from his life, he would never be happy. He thought about Chris Fienberg and knew without a doubt that without the acceptance that he had from his parents, that he could easily be Chris. A wave of empathy for Chris washed over him. He began to cry for what could have been and should have been. A feeling of guilt came over him wondering why he had so much support and why Chris had to fight his way alone.
As he was crying for Chris, and feeling unworthy of the support he was receiving, he suddenly realized that it was not a matter of being worthy or not. In fact, he realized both he and Chris were worthy of the support of their loved ones and the shame was not on either he or Chris, but on those that could not or would not give them support. This was Mr. and Mrs. Fienberg's failing and he realized that Mr. Fienberg knew that too. In fact, it is what he had said. For himself it was his Aunt Jessica's failing that she and Tom could not handle this. They may never recognize that, but he knew it now and knew it implicitly.
He could forgive them, as he was sure that Chris would forgive Mr. Fienberg, if he could.
"God, please let Chris Fienberg's soul be at peace. Please let her find what she was looking for and could not find here on Earth; and please tell her, I won't let them get me down. I'm going to overcome them for her, for every transgendered person that never got support, I will be strong."
With that, he fell asleep exhausted.
Chapter 51
"Well this has been a pretty big week. I understand there was a big debate at the board of education meeting. How did that go?" Dr. Daniels asked Jason.
"I was really nervous going into it. It was quite difficult to sit there and listen to everyone arguing over me. Some people said some truly nasty things about my parents, and that made me angry, others came to their defense. Then Mr. Fienberg talked about his son Chris and why he had killed himself, which was very sad." Jason replied.
"So how did this make you feel?"
"A whole range of emotions, angry, sad, angry, guilty, angry, proud, angry, did I say angry?" Jason laughed.
"That sounds about right."
"I thought a lot about it later that night. At first I started to think about whether I should just give it up and just bag up Kelly's things, and put her in my past. The thought of doing that just makes me so unhappy; I cannot see her not being a part of my life."
"What about Jason. Can you see giving up being Jason for the rest of your life?"
"I don't know. It's hard to imagine not ever being Jason anymore. I don't really think of Kelly and Jason as being different people anyway. I like being called Kelly, it feels like I'm being accepted, but it still feels a bit strange to me when I hear it, like it's someone else."
"Forget about the names, because you are right, you are not two different people. If you were, we would be treating a very real psychiatric problem. But can you see giving up being identified as male, forever? You have already realized that you can't give up being identified as female, forever. Basically you have three options, one of which you have ruled out. So of the remaining options, you can work towards becoming fully your female persona, or you can try for a balance."
"I don't know." Jason said.
"And yet you have embarked on the path of being Kelly full time. Are you certain this is what you want?"
"Yes, I'm sure. It's a bit scary, but yes, I have to do this."
Chapter 52
The first day of school came too quickly for Jason. The night before he had gone to Michele's salon and she worked her magic. Since Jason no longer had to preserve the appearance of a masculine hairstyle, Michele had much more freedom. Jason's hair, while still somewhat short, had grown out some over the summer giving Michele more to work with, without having to resort to the extensions.
Julie, Kathy and Sue had all helped him pick out the perfect outfit for the first day of school. They decided that Jason needed to avoid any ambiguity by dressing as feminine as possible that first day. He could settle into the comfort of jeans, once their schoolmates got used to seeing him as a girl. In a show of support, all three girls agreed that they would also dress up, until he was ready to relax.
He and his friends walked into the high school for the first time as students. They all shared the same homeroom. Superintendent West had pulled strings and made sure that the assignment of classes insured that Jason and Julie had supportive students in each of their classes.
As they walked through the halls looking for their classroom, other students looked at them and pointed at Jason.
"Look there he is..."
"He actually looks pretty good..."
"Faggot..."
Jason and his friends just tried to ignore it, as he held his head up and walked into his homeroom.
Mrs. Kaufman was their homeroom teacher. They sat together towards the middle of the classroom. Once the final bell rang, Mrs. Kaufman asked for their attention.
"Welcome to Jefferson Regional High School. I'm Mrs. Kaufman and I will be your homeroom teacher this year. I'll begin by taking roll call and passing out your class schedules. Your locker assignments are also listed on your schedule."
She began calling out each of the students names, when she said, "Kelly Anderson?" a few of the students snickered.
"We will have none of that! Kelly will be treated with respect in this school, do you all understand?" Mrs. Kaufman said, as she stared at the students that had snickered. The room got very quiet. "Well?" she asked again.
"Yes, Mrs. Kaufman" the class responded in unison.
She continued her stare for a moment and then said, "Good. Now, Kelly Anderson."
"Here, Mrs. Kaufman." Jason replied.
She smiled at Jason and handed him his schedule. "Here you go, Kelly. Welcome to my classroom. If I can be of any assistance to you please let me know."
"Thank you, I will." Jason smiled back at her.
Shortly after the roll call was completed, the intercom crackled with the morning announcements. They began with the reciting of the Pledge of Allegiance, and then Principal Martin came on and said, "Welcome to a new year at Jefferson Regional High School. I hope that all of you will take time to welcome our incoming freshmen and to help them ease into this transition from middle school to high school. I'm sure all of you remember how excited and nervous your first day was here. To our seniors, congratulations on making it to your final year! This year will fly by for you; before you know it you will be graduating in June and preparing for college or for whatever career you choose. It should be lots of fun and I hope that you will have many happy memories of your senior year to look back on."
Principal Martin paused, and then added, "I know that many of you are aware that this year we have a situation that is new to all of us. First period this morning, we will have an assembly to address what we expect from each of you. Thank you."
The room again got very quiet and everyone looked at Jason. He could feel the blush come to his face. Forcing a smile as he broke the quiet by saying, "That sounds like fun; I wonder what that could be about?"
The rest of the class laughed.
The homerooms were dismissed by grade to head to the auditorium. The freshmen classes were seated in the upper left hand section of the mezzanine area, sophomores in the center, juniors in the right, while the seniors were seated in the orchestra seats.
As they took their seats, Julie held Jason's hand and said to him, "Kelly, it's going to be ok."
"Thanks, I know it will. I just have to get through the next couple of days, and things should settle down."
Principal Martin soon called for their attention.
"Good morning everyone. As many of you know, this year we have a transgendered student that is enrolled in our school, undergoing real life trials. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, transgender refers to one of a number of things, but in general it refers to a person whose physical body's gender does not match their perception of who they are. It could be a born male that knows he is a female trapped in the body of a male, or a born female who knows they are really a male trapped in the body of a female. There are many theories as to what can cause this to occur. This condition is more common than you might think; though no one is certain how common. Although, it is often thought that it could be as high as ten percent. Even if it is not this high, in a school with an enrollment of around 1500 students, it is very likely that there are at least several other students that are transgendered. For many transgendered people, the anguish caused by the perceived gender and physical sex is very real. Changing the way that a person perceives themselves is very, very difficult, if not impossible. There are methods however, to allow the physical sex attributes to be changed, to bring the body and mind into harmony. As you might suspect, this is a rather drastic approach to resolving the problem, so transgendered people are required to live at least a year full time in their chosen gender role, before such a solution can be considered, since it is pretty much a one way street. This is referred to as their real life test. Our student is currently going through this test. I know that many of you are already aware of this, because most of your parents were at the school board meeting a few weeks ago. I also know that there were some very strong feelings, both positive and negative expressed at the board meeting, so we are going to review the guidelines."
Principal Martin paused for a moment and looked over the students.
"This is a place of learning and we welcome a diverse student body. No person shall be discriminated against on the basis of race, religion, gender or sexual preference. Our state law provides for this and we will uphold it as it is the basis for community. We will have ZERO TOLERANCE of harassment towards ANY student, and that includes this student. Let me make this perfectly clear, the staff has all been instructed to be vigilant about any form of harassment and action will be immediate. "
He again paused to allow that to sink in.
"Finally, if you have any questions or concerns about this, Mrs. Grey, the school psychologist, is available to meet with you on a one on one basis. You may also speak with any of the staff. Thank you for your attention. Hopefully we will have a great year."
With that, Mr. Martin walked off the stage and the teachers began letting the students leave the auditorium by class, first the seniors, then juniors, sophomores and finally the freshman.
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 53 - 55. The continuing story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: Thanks to Joni W for editing this section for me!
Chapter 53
Jason's first class was Algebra. As he walked to his class everyone looked at him and people stopped talking as he came by. He was very much aware that he was the topic of conversation, how could it be otherwise, after the assembly. The whole school knew who he was, so it was so silly when the official communication referred to him as the Transgendered student.
So far he had not seen Brad, for which he was quite grateful, though he suspected it was too good to last. He was going to enjoy it as long as he could, though. He did know that he and Brad would not have any classes together. Brad and his father were on the hate mail list, and none of the students from those families were in any of Jason's classes. Fortunately this was a big enough school, with enough classes, that they could do so fairly easily.
That did not mean that he was not going to face students that did not approve, but at least the ones that had been passionate enough to send particularly nasty messages were not.
Kathy was in his Algebra class, and they sat together. The boys that came in carefully sat as far from Jason as they could, Jason wondered if they thought he was contagious. Some of the girls came over and said hello. Jason and Kathy smiled at them and said "Hello" back.
One girl in particular, Kirsten, looked at Jason and said, "Jason, I've known you since kindergarden, and I would never have thought that you were a girl. But damn, look at you. If I did not know you were not born a girl, I would never guess."
Kathy said firmly, "Kirsten, her name is Kelly now."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Jas… I mean Kelly. I had not heard that you had changed your name; though I suppose that makes sense, you really don't look like a Jason anymore. Really, you would think that would have been something Principal Martin should have told us, so we would know."
Jason could see from her expression that Kirsten had not meant to be offensive and in fact, she seemed offended that Principal Martin had pretty much insured such encounters.
"It's ok, Kirsten. I was just thinking about that myself. I felt a bit strange being referred to as 'the transgendered student' instead of as Kelly or even Jason."
"Maybe you should wear a name tag… you know, Hello — I'm Kelly Anderson." Kirsten and several of the other girls including Jason and Kathy chuckled.
"Not a bad idea you know." Kathy said, and then added, "I'd be willing to wear one too, so that you did not feel singled out."
Several of the other girls said, "I'll do it too."
"Great, but where are we going to get hello labels? By tomorrow it won't be necessary."
"They have to have something like that at the office." Kristen said. "Mr. Stokes, can I be excused to see if I can get some labels?"
"Make it quick, class is about to begin." Mr. Stokes said.
Kristen came back a few minutes later, and took a seat near Jason. She had a couple dozen sheets of 3 x 4 inch labels. She wrote on the first one, Hello I am Kirsten Carlin, and peeled it and placed it on her blouse. She passed several sheets to each of the girls that had agreed to help, and told them to spread it out in the rest of their classes.
Mr. Stokes brought them to his attention and began in on day one of Algebra.
The rest of the morning went by quickly, and Jason felt honored every time he came across another girl wearing a nametag. It was by no means all of the girls, but there were quite a few and he felt good knowing that he had some support.
At lunch, Jason and his friends sat down together.
"So, how is it going? Anyone had any real problems?" Sue asked.
John spoke up with a rueful look on his face, "I've had a few of the guys give me a hard time, saying that as Jason's best friend I had to have known about this and maybe I was gay. I pointed out that gay guys don't usually date beautiful women like you. They just said that since Julie is obviously into girls, or at least guys that want to be girls, that maybe Sue and Kathy are really dating, and Steve and I are together. So according to them, we are all just pretending so we can try to hide being gay."
"Ick…" All four of them said.
Jason said, "I'm sorry that you have to deal with this, it's my fault."
"Yes it is…" Steve said with a smile, "and don't think we are going to let you forget it."
"Gee, thanks."
"Don't worry about it, Kelly. The guys will get over it. Now if we did not have these lovely ladies to console us, I would probably have been a bit more likely to punch you in the nose, at least when you were still looking like Jason. Somehow, I can't see you as Jason anymore. After spending most of the summer with you as Kelly, it really is clear how much happier you are, this way. And really, if I had not known you all these years as Jason… I never would’ve suspect." John said.
As they sat and ate their lunches, Brad walked over to the table. "Well, well, lookie here, we have the queer table. Fags, dykes and its. Shit Jason, I always said you were a faggot, and here you are all dressed up in drag. So Julie, now I know why you were never interested in me, you’re a dyke, or maybe even worse, a wanna be dyke. You can't even go for real women; you go for fake women. Jason's not a man, but he ain't no woman either."
Julie looked at him and said, "Brad, you know what, maybe I'm bi, male, female it doesn't matter to me, which Kelly is, but I do insist on human, so I'm sorry you don't qualify. I don't date asses."
Most of the students that overheard the exchange from the surrounding tables laughed at this. Brad turned red and said, "You bitch! ..."
Brad started towards Julie, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.
Mr. Stokes said, "Mr. Johnson, I believe you were given a warning about staying away from Kelly and Julie? I suggest that you head back over to your own table before you get yourself suspended from school before we even finish out the first day."
Brad turned and looked at Mr. Stokes, and said, "Fine."
When Brad had gone Julie said, "Thank you, Mr. Stokes."
Mr. Stokes turned and said, "It's going to be a long year. But it will be longer still, if we don't nip this stuff in the bud right now. Let me know if he comes after you again."
Mr. Stokes went over to one of the other teachers, and then headed out of the lunchroom in the direction of the office. Another teacher soon came in to take his place.
When lunch was over, Jason, Julie, Kathy and Sue all had gym as their next class. Jason told them he would meet them after he changed, and he headed to the nurses office.
Mrs. Hammond was the school nurse. When Jason arrived in her office, she looked up and said, "Can I help you?"
"I'm Kelly Anderson; I need to use the bathroom here to get changed for gym." Jason told her.
Mrs. Hammond gave Jason a funny look, and said, "I guess we are going to be seeing a lot of each other this year."
"Yes, I suppose we are." Jason replied, not quite able to read her expression.
"Well, it is right over there. Do what you have to do." Mrs. Hammond said pointing at the bathroom door.
"Thanks." Jason said, and went into the bathroom to get changed.
Meanwhile, Julie, Kathy and Sue walked into the girl's locker room. As they walked in and searched for an open locker, Courtney Myers said, "Look out girls. Cover yourselves, unless you want Julie the dyke to see you naked."
Kathy said, "Courtney, if you are so worried about being seen naked, why do you walk around three quarters exposed all the time anyway? Is there anyone that you haven’t shown your boobs to?"
Kathy, Sue and Julie found three lockers together. Kathy and Sue deliberately made sure to take their time changing their tops and their bras, to their sports bras and gym shirts.
Julie made a point of keeping her focus on her locker while everyone changed.
After they changed they all found their way to the gym. Jason joined them there. Courtney once again determined to cause trouble, said, "Look it's in our class. I thought this was supposed to be girl's gym. Anyone got a hair pin we can use to pop those water balloon tits?"
A girl that neither Jason nor his friends had met before spoke up and said, "Give it a rest. I'm sure she is not the only girl in this class that is using a little bit of help. I think she is doing remarkably well." The new girl came up to Jason held out her hand and said, "Hi. I'm Meghan. I'm new here and I want to tell you I think that you are quite brave to face up to all of this nonsense. I hope that we can be friends."
Jason took her hand and said, "Thank you, Meghan. It's a pleasure to meet you. This is Julie, Kathy and Sue."
As they each acknowledged each other and Courtney watched them with disgust, Coach Evers came out of the locker room. "Ok girls, form a line."
After taking attendance she had them run three laps around the gym. Then she had them grab a field hockey stick and headed them outside to the field.
Jason had not played field hockey before, so it took him a while to get used to the feel of the stick. About half way through the class he started to get the hang of it and was heading up field toward the opposing goal, when Courtney took a huge swing at his legs, tripping him up. Jason fell to the ground and grabbed at his lower leg. Coach Evers blew her whistle and said, "Hey… None of that! Courtney, you know better! Go sit on the sidelines." Coach Evers came over to Jason and asked, "Are you alright? That was a pretty bad hit?"
Jason said, "I'll be fine, though I suspect I'm going to have a pretty good bruise from that soon."
"Let me see." Jason pulled his hands away, and pulled down his socks and it was clearly already bruising and swelling. "Alright, your done for today, head into the nurse and get an ice pack on that."
"Ok, Coach." Jason got up and started to limp off.
"Julie, help Kelly get to the nurse's office, then come on back."
Julie came letting Jason lean on her and together they made their way to the nurse's office. Coach Evers blew her whistle to start the game up again, then headed over to Courtney and spoke to her privately.
Chapter 54
In the nurse's office, Mrs. Hammond looked up and said, "Well that was a short class. What happened?"
Julie said, "Courtney took a hack at her with a field hockey stick. She needs an ice pack."
Mrs. Hammond had Jason sit on the bed, and had her show him his leg. "Yes, that is already swelling quite a bit, and I'm afraid will be quite bruised. Hold on, I'll get an ice pack."
"Kelly, you are not going to want to put your hose on when you get changed." Julie said.
"But I'll look ridiculous with that skirt without hose!" Jason replied.
"Kelly, it won't be that bad, and you will have the ice pack. Are you going to be able to walk to your next class?" Julie asked.
"I don't know."
"I'll come back and help you, just wait here for me, ok?" Julie said.
"Ok."
"I have to get back to class." Julie said.
"Go on, I'll be fine." Jason said. He squeezed Julie's hand lightly, and smiled at her.
Julie squeezed it back and then headed back to the field.
Mrs. Hammond came back from her storeroom with an ice pack and a towel. "Here, put this on the bruise. It will help."
"Thank you." Jason said.
Mrs. Hammond went back over to her desk and made some notes.
"Mrs. Hammond." Jason said.
"Yes?" she replied.
"I make you uncomfortable, don't I?" Jason said.
"To be honest, Kelly, yes you do. As a nurse, I have studied and understand and even can intellectually agree with the path you have chosen. But sometimes it is difficult to reconcile that with my own religious belief of right and wrong. Please don't misunderstand me, I am a professional Kelly, and I am aware enough of my own biases that I won't let them get in the way of treating you properly. I take my responsibility as a nurse very seriously, and my job is to ensure the safety of all of the students in this school. I promise you that I won't be your enemy, Kelly. No matter what my personal bias is, what Courtney did on the field to you was wrong. But I would be lying to you if I did not admit that you make me a little uncomfortable, if for no other reason than that you make me have to face my own biases."
"Thank you."
"For what?" Mrs. Hammond asked, slightly puzzled.
"For being honest with me. I am sorry to cause you discomfort, but I appreciate that you are honest enough with yourself and to me, and that you are a professional. I can't ask for more than that. I am going to be spending a lot of time in this office, getting changed, using the facilities, and I don't want either one of us to dread that time."
Chapter 55
That night Jason and his parents were sitting down to dinner. He had continued to have trouble with walking, and his mother had had to pick him up after school, as there was no way he was going to be able to walk the almost two miles to his home.
She had taken him to the clinic, and an X-ray showed that he had received a hairline fracture. So he now had a cast on his leg, and a set of crutches. Courtney had received a week of detention, and had been given a strong warning about any future incidents.
Jason's parents were of course concerned about the incidents with Brad and with Courtney, but they were heartened by some of the examples of support that Jason had received as well. His mother was very interested in his conversation with Mrs. Hammond, and said, "Give her a chance, it sounds like she is going to try, and it is worth it to give her that chance. But if you start to feel that having to go there every day is getting unbearably uncomfortable, let us know."
As they were finishing dinner and just about to clear the table, a large crash came from the living room. Jason's father raced to the living room and found that a large brick with a note tied around it that had been thrown through the big picture window. "Kristine, call the police. Kelly stay out of the living room!"
Richard raced to the front door and out side to see if he could see who had thrown the brick, but all he saw was a pick up truck racing down the hill. He headed back inside.
"Damn. I think that was Johnson's truck, but I can't swear to it." He said as he came back inside.
"The police are on their way, Richard."
"Good. Don't touch anything, especially that brick. Maybe they can get something off of it." He said.
Within minutes, the first squad car had arrived. Neighbors poked their heads out and came over to see what had happened. The officer asked everyone to please stay back, that the detectives were on their way and would probably have questions, if anyone saw anything.
When the detectives arrived, they came in and looked at the damage. They asked if anyone had been hurt, and then if anyone had touched anything, and Richard told them, "No. We were in the dining room, and we have not even read the note."
The detective put on latex gloves and then picked up the brick with the note. He carefully opened it up and saw that it said, "Faggot, get out of our school." It was made up of letters cut out from various newspapers. "Of course, everyone knows that is how you do it to not be traced, because everyone watches damned TV." He put the note into a plastic evidence bag, and the brick into another.
"Did you see anything?"
"No, unfortunately not. I saw a big pickup flying down the hill, but I can't swear that it was involved."
The detective went out and started questioning the neighbors.
He came back a bit later and said, "We might have gotten lucky. One of your neighbors noticed a big black pickup that doesn't belong in this neighborhood making several passes through here. So they wrote down its license plate number. I called it in, and guess what; it belongs to the Johnson's. We might finally have something to bring them in on."
by Kristine Roland
Chapters 56 - 58. The final part of the story of Jason, a young boy that is coming to terms with his transgender nature, and his mostly supportive family.
Authors Note: Thanks to Joni W for editing this section for me!
Chapter 56
"That is good news." Richard Anderson said.
"It gets better. He said that when he got suspicious he went into his house and he peeked out through some curtains. He said that the pickup came around again, stopped in front of your house. A boy, maybe fifteen or sixteen, got out, took the brick and tossed it through your window. He saw the man egging on the boy and then gave him a high five when the boy jumped back in after breaking your window. He did not recognize them, so we will have him pick them out from a lineup."
"Who is the witness?" Richard asked.
"Mr. Weller," the detective replied and then added, "his statement is important, because assuming it really is Brad and his father, we can charge Brad with throwing the brick and we can charge his father with contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and possibly other things. The DA is already working on getting a warrant so we can pull them in and get Mr. Weller to ID them."
The next morning Mr. Anderson was outside with the glass repairmen, when Mr. Weller walked across the street and said, "Good Morning, Richard."
"Good morning, Sean. Excuse me one second," he said to Mr. Weller and then turned back to the repairmen and said, "Ok. Go ahead and fix it." He signed the estimate authorizing the work. Then he turned back to his neighbor.
"Sean, I have to thank you for coming forward last night."
"Richard, I know that you are aware that I am not comfortable with the decisions that you and your family have made regarding Jason and that as a devout Christian, I find it distasteful. However, violence is never the answer, and if I did not come forward, I would be just as guilty as that boy and his father. Also it needs to be stopped here and now, before it gets out of hand."
"Sean, I respect your beliefs. That is why I appreciate you even more, that you took a stand and spoke with the detective last night. I know there are those in this town that will not approve of your turning them in. Kelly has already been attacked at school and had her leg broken and now this with the window. As you said, it needs to stop here and now."
The two men shook hands and Mr. Weller headed across the street to his home.
Later that afternoon, the Andersons, Mr. West, Mr. Martin, Officer Dowling and the detective held a meeting at the High School.
Mr. West said, "Thank you all for coming here to the school. Obviously the first day of school did not go off quite as well as we had hoped it would. Kelly, I am sincerely sorry for what happened in gym class yesterday, I think you are aware that Courtney is serving after school and lunch time detentions all this week, and has been warned that any further incidents will result in suspension, and possibly expulsion. We are also aware of the incident at your home last evening, which is why the police have been invited. Can we get an update on that from you, detective?"
"Yes, Superintendant West. The warrants for Brad and his father were served this morning and they were charged with several counts. They of course denied that they were anywhere near your home last night and claimed to have been out of town. They were put into a lineup and Mr. Weller came and picked them out from the lineup. They have posted bail, and the DA is pushing to get at least Brad's case in front of the juvenile judge as soon as possible. We were also able to get some fingerprints off of the note. Funny they went to so much trouble to use newspaper clippings, but they just used a piece of notebook paper, probably from one of Brad's school notebooks. It was covered in fingerprints."
"Thank you, detective. Ok, so that leaves us with how do we protect Kelly and your family? I knew we had some strong opinions out there, but I really wasn't expecting this much violence in our town. I'm actually shocked by it." Mr. West said.
Officer Dowling said, "We are going to increase the frequency that our patrol cars go past the Anderson's house, for starters."
Mr. Anderson said, "At their urging, we are also looking into having security cameras installed to provide us with coverage, so that we don't have to rely on luck and Mr. Weller."
Mr. Martin said, "As for here at the school, I have already had an additional staff meeting and the staff will be even more vigilant. I know that Kelly was hurt in Gym yesterday. It would have been difficult to prevent that, since it was done as part of a field hockey match. Of course, at least for the next few weeks, as a result of that injury, Kelly will be excused from Gym. With the extra care in the halls and classrooms, I believe she is safe here at the school. My bigger concern is the walk to and from school. There is very little we can do to protect her on her way home."
"Well for the moment, I have had to arrange for her to get a ride, to and from school anyway, since she is not about to walk two miles on crutches. She should be safe enough, at least for now." Mrs. Anderson said, and then she asked, "I have to say gentlemen; I'm more than a little scared right now. The violence yesterday was fairly mild. How do we keep it from escalating?"
"All we can do is be on the alert. From what I heard from the staff, the one good thing about what happened yesterday and last night is that the reaction of the vast majority of the students was that no matter what they think of Kelly, that Courtney and Brad were over the top. That swings sentiment towards Kelly. More importantly, peer pressure is very strong. Courtney found herself being given the cold shoulder by the vast majority of the student body today. I suspect Brad would have too, but he was not in school today. That will help deter future outbreaks." Mr. Martin replied.
"Mom, I have to agree with that. I can't tell you how many of the people, that were downright cold to me yesterday, came up to me and told me they were sorry for what had happened. Not everyone of course, but it was noticeable."
"Kristine, we are going to have to just see this through."
"I know, Richard, but Kelly is sitting here with a broken leg, we had our house attacked last night, what makes anyone think this is going to just stop?"
"No one has said that it is going to stop, Kristine. We have to take every precaution we can, and make sure we don't let them have an opportunity for anything more."
They all just sat there quietly.
"Mom, I have friends in every one of my classes. They are not going to let anyone hurt me without a fight, and I can take care of myself. I did so as Jason, and I will do so as Kelly."
"You shouldn't have to!"
"No Mom, I shouldn't. I should not have been betrayed by my Aunt and my cousin either; but I was. I forgive them, because I won't sink into their hatred and bitterness. I'm going to hold my head high, and face whatever comes. I have to do this Mom."
"Kris… I'm as worried as you are, but Kelly is right. She can't let them chase her away from here. She would not be able to respect herself. Everyone in this room is committed to keeping her safe. We will just have to be vigilant."
Kristine looked at them all and finally said with a sigh, "Fine. But Kelly, you have to promise me that any form of harassment needs to be reported. If things start to escalate, we need to know about it and figure out how to make sure to keep you safe. Is that clear?"
"Yes, Ma'am, it is perfectly clear."
Chapter 57
"So what do you think of high school so far, Kelly?" Julie asked. They were sitting in the Anderson's kitchen, working on their homework.
"Oh, you know, boring. Nothing exciting has happened yet." They both chuckled.
"Well, I'm finished with my homework now. Why don't we go into your room and pop on a CD?"
"That sounds good to me."
They packed up their homework, grabbed their soft drinks and headed into Jason's room. As Julie looked around, she said, "You know Kelly, it's kind of funny coming into your room."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, look around. On the one hand this is a typical boy's room. The color scheme on the walls, the curtains, even the bedspread, are all very masculine. Then you have all of those sports posters. It looks quite a bit like my brothers room. Then you have your makeup mirror, all of your makeup, etc. on your desk. When we look in your closet you have a bunch of boys clothing shoved in the back and then you have all your new Kelly clothing. It looks like you are just visiting here and you're staying in this room, but it really isn't yours."
"I see what you mean. I kind of feel like that sometimes. I have been Jason my whole life and I've only really been Kelly for a couple of months. On the one hand, I feel really, really, comfortable as Kelly. I can relax and be myself; I don't have to be this macho 'boy.' But I don't feel like a different person, it's more like I feel like myself. I like being called Kelly; it makes me feel accepted. But I always have to stop to realize what it means to me. You know yesterday, Kirsten called me Jason and it was Kathy that jumped all over her for it. I remember thinking at the time; it was funny that she was bothered by it more than I was. I was fully expecting people to call me Jason still, after all, how would they know what to call me. You know, I never really thought about a new name until Mom said I would need one the day we went to the mall, and you caught me."
"Well you sure don't look like a Jason now."
"I know that. But Jules, I have to admit, part of me is scared. Sometimes I feel that taking this new name is a loss of me, Jason, like by changing my name to Kelly, I'm not going to be me, Jason, anymore. I don't know how to explain it."
"You know, I might understand. Mom and I talked about something similar once. She told me that it was really tough for her when she got married. She had been Shelly Gartner her whole life, and when she married dad, she gave that up and became Shelly Sanders. She said it really bothered her, like she was losing her identity. She seriously considered keeping her name. But as you know, mom and dad are pretty conservative, and daddy would have felt incredibly rejected by that, so she did it. I wonder, if what you are feeling is similar?"
"Maybe. I'll let you know if I feel the same when I marry you and have to give up Anderson." Jason said with a grin.
Julie looked startled, and then laughed. "Well that would make my parents heads spin again. Don't tell them that, there still trying to get used to us, as it is!"
"Your parents have actually been great. Much better then you thought they would be."
"Yes, I suppose they have. I guess I was wrong and it probably would have been better if I had just talked to them myself. A good part of the worst of it was, that they were upset about that blasted picture."
"You should remember that the next time you have something to tell them you don't think they are going to like."
"Yeah, you're right." She conceded.
Chapter 58
"How are you feeling, Kelly? You had quite a welcome into High School, I hear." Dr. Daniels asked.
"I'm fine. It was a rough first day, but it has settled down some, since."
"Well that is good to hear. Yet, you look troubled, is there something you want to talk about?"
Jason told him about his conversation with Julie about names, his room, and who he was.
"So do you think that you are just visiting?" Dr. Daniels asked.
"No, I don't. I can't see going back."
"Ok. What is the real change? What is the difference between being Jason and being Kelly?"
"Nothing, really. Two names for the same person."
"But there is a difference, think about it."
"To me, there isn't. I'm Jason, I'm Kelly, my likes and dislikes are the same either way."
"Ok, if that is the case, just keep the name Jason."
"I can't! I can't tell people that I'm Jason, when I'm dressed like this."
"Why not, it's your name and there isn't a difference?"
"Because they won't accept me as Jason, it would just make things more difficult."
"But they will accept you as Kelly?"
"Not necessarily, but it is certainly more likely."
"Why?"
A dawning of comprehension came on Jason's face, "Because, they perceive me differently as Kelly, then Jason."
"Yes they do."
"So the difference between being Kelly and being Jason has to do with their perceptions of who I am?"
"Yes. But what does that matter to you?"
"Because how they perceive me dictates how I'm treated."
"Correct. How do you want to be treated? Do you want to be treated as Kelly, or as Jason? You are the same person, but how do you want others to treat you?"
"I never thought of it like that."
"Well, our time is up. I suggest that you think about it."
Jason tossed and turned in his bed later that evening. He kept thinking about his conversations with Dr. Daniels, and Julie.
"Who am I?" He thought to himself.
"Am I a boy, am I a girl? Am I both? What do I want?" Jason thought hard about how he wanted to be perceived. He tried to think of what he missed about being Jason, these past couple of months. He could not think of anything. "I am me!" He thought.
"Yes, but who am I?"
"I am Jason," he thought, picturing himself as a boy.
"I am Kelly," he thought, as he pictured himself as a girl, he started to get a warm happy feeling.
"I am Jason," he tried again, the happy feeling diminished, replaced by a decidedly uncomfortable feeling in his gut.
"I am Kelly. I am Kelly." The warm happy feeling returned.
"Who am I? I am Kelly." The warm happy feeling continued to build. "I am Kelly."
"I am me, and I AM Kelly!" With a crescendo of emotion, the warm happy feeling became an overwhelming wave of acceptance.
"I AM KELLY," Kelly shouted.
She shot out of bed, grabbed her bathrobe, and hobbled on her bad leg to the kitchen. She opened the cabinet under the sink and got out the large black trash bags.
"Kelly, what is going on? Are you ok?" Her mother asked looking frightened.
"I'm great Mom. I AM Kelly!" She said crying.
"I know you are honey, but what are you doing? Why are you crying?"
"I'm happy Mom. I am just really, happy. I know who I am; I'm me! I'm still me, but I am Kelly! I need to bag up Jason's clothes. I'm not just visiting, I'm here to stay and I want my room to be my room."
"What are you talking about?"
"Mom, I love being Kelly, but I was afraid that I was going to lose myself. It's funny, I yelled at Dad for treating me like I was somebody else just because I was Kelly, but I think it was because I was afraid of it too and did not want to think about it. It was keeping me from really accepting myself. But no more, I AM Kelly and I am still me. I'm not going back, and I need to bag up all of Jason's clothes, and purge them. We can give them to good will."
"Can't it wait until morning?"
"No, it can't. I have to do it right now."
"Let me get my bathrobe, I'll come and help."
"No, I need to do this myself. Mom, I want to redecorate my room; I'm here to stay! Can you help me with that? I don't want it to be a boy's room anymore."
"It might take some time; we can certainly make some changes that will make it yours."
"I love you, Mom." Kelly gave her mother a big hug.
It did not take her long to bag up all of Jason's clothing. She took the bags out of her room and down the stairs to the garage and left them by the car. She said, "Goodbye, Jason."
She turned around without looking back and went to HER room.
Authors Note:
This is where Jason's Story comes to an end, and Kelly's story begins. I'm not sure what the sequel will be called, since there is a Kelly's Journey already on the site, I will try to come up with something different to avoid confusion. Thanks to everyone that has given me encouragement and feedback, I hope that you have enjoyed, Jason's journey to Kelly. Kelly certainly has lots of trials ahead of her, and that will continue in the sequel.
I want to especially thank Joni W for all her help in editing each section since she took on that job. I truly appreciate her efforts!
Kristy
by Kristine Roland
The Adventures of Kelly Anderson
YOU don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of Jason's Story; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Ms. Kristine Roland, and she told the truth, mainly. There was things which she stretched, but mainly she told the truth. That is nothing. I never seen anybody but lied one time or another, without it was Aunt Sarah, or Michele, or maybe Julie. Aunt Sarah–my Aunt Sarah, she is–and Julie, and Michele is all told about in that book, which is mostly a true book, with some stretchers, as I said before.
Now the way that the book winds up is this: Jason (that was me) found my true self that had hidden in the cave of my mind, and the knowledge set me free. Dr. Daniels he took it and gave me the medicines to take all the year round --- more than a body could tell what to do with. Momma took me for her daughter, and allowed she would sivilize me; but it was rough living in my old boys room all the time, and when I couldn't stand it no longer I lit out. I got into my best dress and my cutest shoes, and was free and satisfied. But Kathy she hunted me up and said she was going to start a band of mall shoppers, and I might join if I would go back to Momma and be respectable. So I went back…
Kelly rolled over in her bed, and woke up. She looked around her freshly painted room, and took in the new curtains and bedspread. She picked up her copy of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, and said to herself, "Ok, no more eating spicy food before bed, and then reading myself to sleep, and who the hell is Kristine Roland?"
Author's Note:
My apologies to Mr. Mark Twain, who is without a doubt my favorite author. I could not resist posting this bit of silliness in honor of Mr. Twain's upcoming birthday on November 30th. I will be continuing Kelly's story soon.
Kristy
Written by Kristine Roland
Edited by Joni W
Written by Kristine Roland
Edited by Joni W
Part 1 - This is the Sequel to Jason's Story. A few months have passed, and Kelly is celebrating Thanksgiving.
Author's Note: My sincere thanks to Joni W for all her efforts!
Chapter 1
It was Thanksgiving Day, a fine autumn morning in late November. Kelly Anderson woke up and lay in bed thinking about all that she had to be thankful for. Her leg was finally healed and out of the cast. She had to wear the cast since the first day of her freshman year in high school, when Courtney had slashed her leg with a field hockey stick during girl’s gym class, just in spite.
That incident, combined with Brad Johnson and his father throwing a brick through the picture window, in her living room, had shocked the town that Kelly lived in and although there were still those that disapproved of her, it did seem to put an end to the violent expression of that disapproval.
Brad Johnson had been ordered by the juvenile judge to undergo a complete physical and psychiatric evaluation. It was during the physical evaluation, that they had discovered that Brad had been beaten regularly by his father. Brad had bruises and burn marks all over his body in areas that would normally be covered. He had been removed from his father's care and placed in a program for older victims of child abuse, that were themselves violent.
Brad's father had been charged with child abuse, as well as contributing to the delinquency of a minor and a number of other charges; his trial is still pending. He had a strict restraining order and if he came anywhere near Kelly, his bail would be revoked.
Kelly felt bad about Brad. On the one hand, she was glad she no longer had to worry about being targeted by Brad; but she could not help feeling sorry for him. What would Brad have been like if he had parents that treated him with love and respect, like Kelly's parents did her?
So yes, Kelly knew that she had plenty to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day.
She had been going to Jefferson Regional High School for almost three months now, and the awkwardness from those first days had mostly passed. The other students were used to her now and for the most part treated her like one of the girls. The guys knew she was still physically male and they tended to keep their distance, like she might be contagious, but they did not harass her. Courtney and her crowd were still fairly cold, but Courtney had come very close to being expelled. Although her parents were quite upset that the school allowed Kelly to attend, Courtney's parents expected her to be top of the class. They expected her to go to an Ivy League school and records of expulsion were not conducive to that.
So Courtney was never going to ask Kelly to a slumber party, but she also did not go out of her way to attack her either.
Then there was Julie. Kelly still could not believe her luck with finding Julie. She thought back to that day when she and her mother went to the local mall. She was still Jason then and they had been so careless when they stopped at the shoe store. Julie had overhead them talking and she saw him trying on girls shoes.
The next day, Julie had confronted him about it. Next thing he knew, she was coming over for dinner and then they were dating. It had only been through the sheerest of luck that Julie had been the one to see him and that she had not only kept the secret but had quickly become Kelly's best friend and girlfriend.
Even after Kelly's cousin Tom had initiated the e-mail wave that had made Kelly's existence public knowledge, Julie had stood by her, even standing up to her own parents. When Kelly had finally accepted herself as Kelly and put Jason into her past, Julie applauded her and gave her full support.
Julie had turned fifteen in October and their families had celebrated together. After the initial shock Julie's parents had, when confronted with the fact that the boy their daughter was dating was transgendered, and that Julie was in fact probably a lesbian, they had accepted their daughter and in so doing found that they had accepted Kelly as well.
Julie and Kelly had gone to the Halloween dance at the high school together; Julie went as Will Turner and Kelly as Elizabeth Swann from Pirates of the Caribbean. They had won an award for most outrageous costume.
So yes, Kelly knew that she had plenty to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day.
In a little while, the guests would be starting to arrive at Kelly's house. All four of her grandparents, her Aunt Sally and Emily, Julie, Julie's mother, father and brother, would all be coming together for Thanksgiving.
Kelly knew that she had plenty to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day, but it hurt, deep in her heart, that she would not be seeing her Aunt Jessica and Uncle Bob, her cousins, Tom and especially Billy.
They still refused to acknowledge that she even exists. In fact, the church that they belonged to, was the one really worrisome part of her life now, as they regularly protested at the school. They had been there the night of the dance, outside protesting, first that they even had a celebration of what they called a pagan holiday and that they allowed Kelly to attend.
She had seen transcripts of Reverend Tripard's sermons. He had exalted Tom's actions as exemplifying exactly what God wanted his children to do to expose sin, and he railed against the state for allowing this perversion into the schools.
He had a small but rabid group of followers. It was bad enough that these strangers were thinking of her this way, but to have her own family, especially Billy, be part of it, well that was almost more then she could stand.
And yet, Kelly knew that she had plenty to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day, so she scolded herself for her feelings of melancholy and got up to get ready for the day.
Chapter 2
Kelly was in the living room with Julie, as the rest of the guests started to arrive. Emily came running in and Kelly said, "Emily, don't you look pretty today. I love your dress!"
Emily replied, "Thank you!"
Aunt Sally followed behind and said, "Happy Thanksgiving, Kelly, you too Julie."
They both replied, "Happy Thanksgiving!"
Soon all of the guests had arrived. The men headed down to the family room and put the game on. Kelly for the first time was welcomed in with the ladies of the clan. His two grandmothers came over and Grandma Lizzie said, "So Kelly, how does it feel to be up here, instead of hanging out with the guys watching football?"
"It feels good. I was never big on football anyway and I don't mind helping out up here."
"Well, we have lots of help so it is not so bad and we get to chatter away and complain about the men!" said grandmother Lizzie.
Kelly and Julie helped with setting up the table and they brought trays of snacks into the family room. They had too many people to try to sit at one table, so they were eating buffet style. The turkey was out of the oven and waiting to be carved. Kelly's father would take care of that task as soon as they called him.
They had set out a large platter of cocktail shrimp and sauce, pickles, olives, deviled eggs, cranberry sauce, the china plates and the silverware. They put out a glass pitcher with Apple Cider and a bottle of White Wine for those so inclined.
The potatoes were done boiling; the water was being poured into the pan with the drippings and the water from the boiled giblets, to stretch the gravy. The extra pan of sausage stuffing, which did not fit in the turkey, was in the oven.
"Kelly, please call your father and tell him to come carve the bird." Her mother asked.
"Ok mom."
Kelly went and got her father, who came up to the kitchen.
"Alright, looks like everything is just about ready. Give me some room here." He said. He took a big bowl and spooned the stuffing from the turkey into the bowl. "Kristine, it smells delicious!"
Kelly's mother was busy at the stove making the gravy, while his Aunt Sally was working on mashing the potatoes. Kelly and Julie stood and watched the gravy being made. "You girl's want to learn the trick to making gravy?"
"Sure, Mom."
"Well, I cheat a little, I use Wondra." She whispered, like this was a huge secret.
"Why is that cheating?" Kelly asked.
"I'm teasing. Wondra is a kind of instant flour; basically it is designed to dissolve quickly in hot or cold liquids and is used to thicken sauces and gravies. You can do the same thing with regular all-purpose flour, but it tends to lump. It's much simpler with Wondra. Anyway, what we do is, we take the drippings from the turkey pan, add the starchy water from the potatoes and the water from boiling the giblets. This gives us a nice base to build on. Put that over medium heat, we want it to simmer, then we add the Wondra, a little bit at a time, and whisk it in. See. Then we let it sit a little and then we’ll repeat the process until we get it as thick as we want. I will add just a little bit of Gravy Master, which adds a little bit of seasoning and adds a brownish color to the gravy. Here, you try."
Both Kelly and Julie took turns adding the Wondra and whisking the gravy, while Kelly's mom looked on. Julie's mom came by and said, "Not bad girls. You are getting the hang of it."
Within no time, the gravy was done, the bird carved, the potatoes mashed, and everything was brought out to the tables.
The guys were called for dinner and everyone took their turn in line to grab a plate. Soon enough, everyone found a place to grab a seat, some in the living room; others were in the family room. Kelly and Julie sat with Emily to keep her company, at the table in the kitchen.
In all too short a time, everyone was completely stuffed. The men headed back to watching the game and the ladies started to clean up. Aunt Sally said, "What is that chemical in the turkey?"
"What chemical?" Kelly asked.
Her mother replied, "The one that makes men watch football and women clean!"
All of the women laughed.
"Ok, it's officially Thanksgiving now, thanks Sally for getting that mandatory cliché done and over with," said Grandma Lizzie.
With all of the women helping, they made short work of cleaning up. They put on a pot of coffee and Kelly's mom said, "I think we should wait a while before we start thinking about dessert. I know I need to let some of dinner digest."
There was much mutual agreement. Kelly and Julie grabbed Emily and went into Kelly's room. Kelly's room had been recently painted; it was now a light pink. The bedspread was now a white with a touch of lace, and an embroidered flower in the center. The curtains were also white with a touch of lace. Gone were the sports team posters, but nothing had really replaced them yet.
"Your room sure has changed, Kelly!" Emily said.
"Yes, it has Emily. I hope you like the changes as much as I do." Kelly said.
"Oh yes. I sometimes miss Jason a little bit though." Emily said.
"I know Emily. But believe me, I'm still me, even though I'm Kelly now. And believe me, I love you the same as I always did." Kelly said.
"I love you too." Emily said.
They played with Emily until Aunt Sally came in to tell them that it was time for dessert. When they came out they found the buffet table had been reset and there were Apple Pies, Pumpkin Pies, Mince Meat Pies, as well as a big bowl of fresh home-made whip cream. There were cookies and brownies, ice cream and other pastries.
After everyone had eaten dessert and it was all cleaned up, people started to depart for home. Julie gave Kelly a quick kiss, as she and her family left.
As Kelly got ready for bed that night, she thought about the day. She had been treated no differently than any of the other women in the family. Yes, Kelly knew that she had plenty to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day.
Chapter 3
As Julie lay in bed that evening, she smiled as she thought about Kelly playing with her cousin. This was one of the things she had liked about Kelly right away, even when she was still hanging on to being Jason. She thought back to that first time that she had seen Jason playing with his cousin. It was right after that first altercation with Brad. She remembered how she had been upset about Jason's macho behavior, and how she had come to realize that it was the life that Jason had to deal with, as long as he was Jason. Watching Jason playing with Emily had really solidified her feelings for him.
They had both come a long way since that day. Kelly had burst out and had no intention of being put away. Julie had come to realize that Kelly was almost certainly going to need to go the whole way and have surgery when she was old enough. Julie had mixed emotions about this, not that she had said anything to Kelly about it. But she wondered if she would be able to bring herself to really truly be in a lesbian relationship. She was not attracted to boys, she knew that, and she was only mildly attracted to girls. She was turned on thinking about Kelly though, a girl with boy parts. She wasn't sure about how she would react when Kelly did not have any boy parts left.
While Julie had finally discovered masturbation, while thinking about Kelly with boy parts, she had decided that she needed to try to focus on Kelly with girl parts, because if that was not going to work, she had better figure that out sooner, rather than later.
She started to think about Kelly being in her bed with her and she thought about kissing her hard. Then she imagined starting to play with Kelly's breasts; that was definitely something she would enjoy. She touched her own as she thought about it. Now for the moment of truth, she imagined working her way down Kelly's belly and to the vee of her crotch. She thought about her hand finding its way to Kelly's vagina, while she envisioned looking into Kelly's eyes, her hand felt her own vagina. While she had always disliked touching herself there, as she thought about touching Kelly there and making her feel the pleasure that she knew could be had, she found she wanted to touch Kelly that way. She wanted to make Kelly squirm with pleasure, as she pretended that what she was feeling was Kelly, she had the most powerful orgasm she had ever had.
When she finally stopped convulsing, she smiled, licked her lips and said, "Ok, I think that answers that question."
Written by Kristine Roland
Edited by Joni W
Part 2 - This is the Sequel to Jason's Story.
Author's Note: My sincere thanks to Joni W for all her efforts!
Chapter 4
"Mommy, when are we going to see Grandma and Grandpa Anderson again," Billy asked.
"I don't know, Billy."
"I miss them. I miss Emily and Aunt Sarah too. I miss playing with Jason," Billy said.
"Jason is a sinner, Billy. Until Jason comes back to God, you can't see him."
"What has he done, Momma?"
"He mocks the gifts our Lord has given him. He was made male, in God's image, and he spurns that, to pretend to be a woman.'
"Why, Momma."
"I don't know, Billy. I cannot fathom what could possibly drive him to want this."
"Are you sure Jason is a boy, Mommy? Maybe he is really a girl and no one knew it."
"Billy, Jason is definitely a boy. Boys and girls are different, and when he was a baby I changed his diapers and I could see that he was a boy. Just as you are a boy and Emily is a girl."
"How are boys and girls different?"
Jessica started to get annoyed. "Billy! They just are Billy. Look, you are a boy because you have a boy's pee pee. Emily is a girl, because she has a girl's pee pee. Jason has a boy pee pee, so he is a boy. Enough already. Jason is a boy, and his pretending to be a woman is a sin. He should be thankful to God, for making him the way he is."
"Oh…" Billy walked away, with a thoughtful look on his face.
Jessica, now really annoyed, "Just great, my pervert nephew is contaminating Billy, even without having contact. Something has to be done!" Jessica picks up the phone, "May I speak with Reverend Triphard?”
At the Jefferson Regional High School, Kelly and her friends sat eating lunch. Kathy was paired off with Steve, Sue with John, Kelly and Julie. Meghan also joined them.
Steve said, "Kelly, I wish we could have you on the boy's soccer team, we could really use you on defense."
"Heck with that, I wish we could have had her on the girl's team," Kathy replied.
"I know, I miss it, but it did not feel right for me to be on either squad, and besides, I was in a cast when tryouts started. Besides, I'm having fun in the choir, and that would have interfered," Kelly said.
"Are you going to try out for cheerleaders next spring?" Kathy said, with a glint in her eye.
"Oh, yeah right. I'd want to subject myself to having to deal with Courtney on a daily basis," Kelly said.
"Maybe you could knock her off the team," Kathy replied.
Kelly answered, "Fat chance of that ever happening."
Meghan, said, "I don't know… I think we should start working on campaigning for you, to be ready to make a run at Homecoming Queen, by the time we are seniors. That would really be something.
"Homecoming Queen? Julie would be a much better choice." Kelly replied.
"Oh, sure. That's all I need, run for a title of Queen. I'm already considered to be the token lesbian for the freshman class." Julie said.
"Well, if you're a lesbian, then so am I. I would think that definition of Queen, would be more directed at me then you. Besides, we have three more years to get through, before we have to worry about any of that."
Meghan, "I know, but I can dream can't I? I would love to turn the establishment upside down on this sort of thing. You know how much I love Courtney's crowd."
"Believe me, I understand. It didn't take her long to overcome the initial cold shoulder, that she and Brad got, after their attacks on me. Her old crowd took right to her again." Kelly said.
Sue answered, "True, but that really wasn't that surprising. They were cold only while they waited to see what was going to happen. Face it, with them, it's all about status, they don't even know what it means to be a real friend."
"Still, it can't hurt to work on getting Kelly into a position where she could run. Face it, to have a chance you have to be pretty and popular. Pretty is not a problem, and for all the initial problems you faced, most people have accepted you. Especially the girls." Meghan said.
Kirsten Conklin stopped over, "Hey gang, mind if I join you for a few minutes?"
"No, not at all." Julie said, "Have a seat."
Kirsten took a seat and said, "Thanks, Julie. Everyone have a nice Thanksgiving?"
They all nodded and told her yes.
"Good. Anyway, as you know, I'm on the school newspaper." Kirsten said.
They all nodded in agreement.
Kirsten hesitated and then said, "Kelly, you know that I think that you are very brave to be doing what you are doing, and completely support you."
Kelly nodded, "Kirsten you have been a big help to me, I consider you to be a friend."
Kirsten's smile brightened, "Thank you Kelly. I think of you that way too." She reached over and touched Kelly's hand.
"So what is it you are trying to ask me, Kirsten," Kelly asked?
"I want to do an article on you and on the issue of Transgendered Teens. I've done a lot of reading since I found out about you and I think that it is an issue that needs to be talked about. I promise that it will be a positive article and that I will let you read what I write about you and let you have the right to require adjustments."
"I don't know Kirsten… things have settled down, I don't know if I want to rile them up again," Kelly said.
"I understand that, Kelly. I just think that it is an important topic. So many of the students have questions and I think that educating them can only help. I'm not asking you to make a quick answer, sleep on it. Kelly, you know me, I wouldn't do this if I thought it was going to hurt you."
"Kirsten, I know that. Really I do, I trust you; that is not the issue. As I said, you have been a big help to me, and I know you would not knowingly hurt me. Let me think about it. I need to talk it over with my parents as well."
Kirsten said, "Fair enough, Kelly. If you do decide to let me, I'm going to want to interview all of you as well, so please think about that as well."
With that, Kirsten got up and went back over to the table with her friends.
"Hmm… That was interesting," Sue said.
"I'm kind of surprised the school paper would even consider such an article. They usually stay away from anything controversial," Steve added.
John asked, "Do you think she has already approached Mr. Griphon, isn't he the faculty advisor for the paper?"
Kelly said, "Interesting point. What do you know about Mr. Griphon?"
"Not much. He teaches twelfth grade Literature," Kathy replied.
Kelly said, "I'll talk it over with my parents tonight. See what they think."
Chapter 5
Later that night, Kelly and her mother worked together to make dinner. "Mom, Kirsten Conklin wants to write an article on transgendered teens for the school newspaper. She is one of my big supporters at school and she would like to interview me."
"Oh, I'm not sure that is such a good idea. It might stir the pot. Things have improved quite a bit since September; that might just bring it back to the center of attention again."
"I know, I had the same concern. You know, even last month at the Halloween dance, we were still getting picketed by Aunt Jessica's crazy church. Do you really think this would be any worse?"
"Well, most people think that Reverend Triphard is a lunatic, and that his followers are off the wall lunatics as well, so I don't think too many people put too much stock in them. But if the school newspaper were to print a positive article about you and provide real information on Transgendered children, well, there are those that would be pretty upset about it."
"So you don't want me to do it?"
"I did not say that. I can't really make the decision for you; on the one hand, of course, what I want is for you to be safe. On the other hand, it is an issue that people need to be educated on. You and I both know that there have to be other kids in the school that are just too afraid to tell anyone.
"So you want me to do it?"
"I did not say that either. I don't know. It's a risk. Is it as big a risk as going to school as Kelly in the first place? Probably not. You are sure that you trust Kirsten to treat you fairly and to put a positive spin on things? Who is the faculty advisor for the paper, I'd want to check on them as well."
"Yes, I trust Kirsten. She has been a vocal supporter since the first day of school. I think of her as a friend. Not a best friend, but a friend. She has her own circle of friends, just as I do. You know how that goes. I don't have problems with any of the people she is close to; she doesn't hang out with the jerks. The faculty advisor is Mr. Griphon. I don't know him."
"I'll do some checking on him, it is important."
"Ok."
"How was choir practice tonight?"
"It was good. We are working on the songs for our first performance. We got the details finally. We are going to do a tour of the area nursing homes, the senior center, and the local hospital, late in December. We're performing a selection of the Christmas and Hanukah music, from what we will be performing at the concert, at the school on December 22. I need you to sign the permission slip to let me go on the field trip. I'll miss some classes."
"That's not a problem. I'm glad to hear that, I know that those concerts mean a lot to the seniors. I think it is a great tradition for the choir. I'm proud of you for being part of it."
"I like it. It's one of those things, were it really doesn't matter if I'm a girl or not, my voice just is what it is and belongs in the right section. There are both girls and boys in my section."
"Did they measure you for your gown finally?"
"Yes, we finally got measured tonight. That was a bit awkward. They had us split up into different rooms, because they needed to do that privately, they had to do me separately."
"Oh… Yes, I guess they would have."
"Yeah, the lady that was doing the measuring for the gowns, was not the nicest of people."
"No?"
"No, she was kind of short, and definitely was not happy about it." Kelly said
"Did you get the measurements?"
"Yes. I wrote them down."
"Good, because we are going to have them checked. I don't want you to get a gown that doesn't fit, because some bigot did not like you."
"I thought the same thing." Kelly told her.
Chapter 6
After dinner that night, Kelly and her mother drove to the local mall.
"You know, it's almost nine months since that day I brought you here, and got you your first clothes of your own. Hard to believe isn't it."
"Yes. Things sure have changed since then. I just wanted to make sure I didn't wake up and find out I had been dreaming. I couldn't believe it when I came home that day and you told me where we were going and what we were going to be buying. You thought I would be disappointed, because it wasn't a 'complete' wardrobe. I was ecstatic."
"I remember. By the way, I meant to ask you this summer. Remember when we had that conversation, right after we met with Dr. Adams? The first time you dressed in front of me, that morning you helped me around the house, with socks for breasts?"
"Yeah, I remember."
"You came out and said, that it was just comfortable, and I said, tell me that it's comfortable on a one hundred degree day to be wearing a bra."
"Hey, I told you that I knew it wouldn't be! That it wasn't what I meant. You think it's bad for you, try wearing these breast forms. They hold and reflect the heat!"
Her mother laughed, and said, "Ok. Ok… That's right, you did say that."
They walked into the mall and headed to a store that carried formal wear.
"Mrs. Berkley works here; she is a good friend of mine. We will get her to check your measurements for the gown."
Mrs. Berkley looks up and says, "Kristine, Hi! Hello Kelly. What brings you here?"
"Joan, Kelly is in the choir, and they had their measurements taken today. The lady that did it though, was apparently not happy about Kelly, so we want to make sure that she did it right."
"Well, I can help you with that. Come on back into the measuring room. Jennifer, I will be back out in a moment." Mrs. Berkley said to the other sales assistant.
Kelly and her mother followed Mrs. Berkley into the back room.
"There is no one in their now, so don't worry. Kelly please go in there, and take off your outer clothes, and then come back here." She locked the outer door.
When Kelly had stripped down to her underwear, she came out to the measuring room. Mrs. Berkley quickly took Kelly's measurements.
Mrs. Berkley asked, "So how do they compare?"
"Damn, I knew it. Look at this, these are the measurements that they took, and these are yours." Kelly's mother showed Mrs. Berkley.
"Oh, my. Kelly would never be able to wear a gown with those measurements. It's too small in the bust and too big in the hips, it would look horrible on her. She would have to remove the breast forms to get it on at all, and even then it would look ridiculous."
"Thanks Joan. I'll be calling the choir leader in the morning."
After a few more minutes of chit chat, they left the mall and went on home.
The next morning, Mrs. Anderson called the school and asked to speak to the choir director. She was in class at the moment so she left a message asking her to please call back immediately.
Around lunchtime she got a call from Mrs. Dixon.
"Thank you for calling Mrs. Dixon. We have a problem. Kelly showed me the measurements that were taken for her gown last evening. I did not think they looked right, so I went and had her professionally measured last night, and they are clearly wrong. They are too tight in the bust, and way too loose in the hip area. If the gown is delivered as they measured, it will not work. Kelly mentioned that the woman taking the measurements, was not pleasant to her, and this comes off as intentional. I certainly hope that she did not make similar mistakes for the rest of the choir!"
"Mrs. Anderson, I am shocked to hear this. I have been working with this company for many years. Mrs. Drysdale has never made a mistake like this before. Let me call the company and get it corrected, and see what I can find out."
A little while later, she got another phone call from Mrs. Dixon.
"Mrs. Anderson, I am so sorry. I just spoke with the owner of the company that supplies our gowns. He was shocked when he learned what had happened. He would like to confirm the measurements for himself. Can he come to your home tonight? He said that if the measurements are confirmed as being off, as you have said, he will provide Kelly's gown for free. I told him that I was deeply disappointed that Mrs. Drysdale would deliberately attempt to do something like this, no matter how she felt about Kelly."
"Mrs. Dixon that will be fine. We will be home this evening, please give him the information, and have him call me to confirm the time."
"Thank you Mrs. Anderson. I will. Please let me know if there are any further issues."
"Thank you Mrs. Dixon, I will."
That night, right at seven o'clock, the front doorbell rang. Mrs. Anderson opened the door, and a middle aged, dark haired man, wearing a meticulous suit, was waiting on the stoop.
"Mrs. Anderson? I am Stanley Winthrop; we spoke on the phone earlier today." The man handed her his card.
"Yes, Mr. Winthrop, please come in."
Mr. Winthrop followed her into living room.
"Kelly is in her room, shall we do this in there? It is a bit more private."
"That will be fine."
They went into Kelly's room, and found Kelly working on her homework, at her desk.
"Kelly, this is Mr. Winthrop. He will need to take your measurements again. What do you need her to do?"
"Please stand up, Kelly."
Kelly stood up and came to the middle of the room.
"That is sufficient. Mrs. Anderson, I do not need to measure Kelly. There is no way that Mrs. Drysdales measurements could be correct. They are over an inch off in the bust area alone, and I can see that the hip measurement is completely wrong. Just to be clear, my dear, you were wearing those breast forms and were not wearing any kind of hip enhancement yesterday were you?"
"Yes sir, I was wearing these forms, and don't have anything for the hips."
"I assumed as much, but needed to be certain. Thank you my dear. I am very sorry that your experience with our company has been less than stellar. We pride ourselves on customer service, and quality. Mrs. Anderson, here is your check, it has not been cashed. Kelly's gown is on the house and it will be made to the correct sizes. Mrs. Drysdale will be disciplined accordingly. We do not condone such behavior and she has sullied our name."
"Mr. Winthrop, I appreciate your integrity, and your personal attention to this matter." Kelly's mother told him.
"Mrs. Anderson, my great grandfather started this business, over one hundred years ago. I could do no less. I must be going, thank you for allowing me to address this situation."
Mrs. Anderson walked Mr. Winthrop to the front door.
Kelly came up to her and said, "thank you, Mom. I love you."
Kelly gave her mother a huge hug, and then went back to her homework.
Written by Kristine Roland
Edited by Joni W
Part 3 - This is the Sequel to Jason's Story.
Author's Note: My sincere thanks to Joni W for all her efforts!
Chapter 7
Kirsten came over to the lunch table where Kelly and her friends were sitting. She was carrying a stack of papers.
"Kelly, here you go, hot off the press, the new edition of the Jefferson Weekly," Kirsten said. She handed a copy to each of them and gave a handful to Kelly.
Kelly took them from Kirsten and said, "Thanks Kirsten."
Kirsten headed over to her own table, and Kelly opened up the paper and found the article she was looking for.
Transgendered Kids
By Kirsten CarlinGender — Male, or Female. From the moment we are born, the world begins to treat us differently based on the outward signs of our physical gender. Little boys are dressed in blue, little girls in pink. Our rooms are painted in colors that denote our gender. The toys that we are presented with are dictated by our gender.
You are a boy, or you are a girl. These messages are constant.
For most people the minds image and the body's image are in synch. For some though, they are not, and the painful realization begins early on; as the messages are a constant reminder that something is terribly wrong.
Gender identity begins as early as 8 to 10 months in children and is usually set by the time they are four years old.
Why do some children develop a gender identity that is the opposite of their body's gender? No one really knows. There are a number of theories. One of the most prevalent theories today is that the hormonal 'washes' that occur at various times during the development of the fetus, that pushes the fetus to be male, or leave it female, may misfire and cause the brain to develop along a different path from the physical gender.
Regardless, studies show that forcing a child into the role that they do not identify with reinforces hatred for their bodies. This in turn leads into depression and self esteem issues, often leading to drug addiction, alcohol, and a high risk of suicide.
However, those who are allowed to follow the gender they identify with as a whole, are happier, more self confident, better able to resist the influence of drugs and alcohol, and are at a much lower risk of suicide. Most of the problems these children face are from outside forces, due to society's inability to accept them in the role their minds identify with.
In the past, transgendered children have been forced to live their lives trying to be what society expected them to be. Around the country however, the plight of these students are beginning to be recognized and new opportunities are opening up to allow them to express their gender as they feel is appropriate.
Kelly Anderson, a freshman at Jefferson Regional High School was born and lived the first fourteen years of her life as Jason Anderson. Over the summer between her final year in middle school, and the start of high school, the secret that only Kelly and a few of her closest friends and family knew, became suddenly all too public.
An e-mail sent by Kelly's cousin Tom Merrick, including a picture taken over the summer of Kelly and her friend Julie Sanders in swimsuits, was sent to a few students and spread through the shocked community in a matter of minutes. With the support of her family, and friends, Kelly decided that it was time to begin full time transition to Kelly.
When word of Kelly's decision to attend JRHS this year became public knowledge, a meeting of the Board of Education became a contentious affair, as the divided community made their arguments for and against allowing Kelly to attend. The issue was never truly in doubt, because recent changes in the state law makes it quite clear that Kelly must be allowed to attend, and that the recommendation of her doctors must be honored.
Kelly's first day of high school, was certainly one for her to remember. She was attacked in gym class during a game of field hockey, and received a hairline fracture. Later on that evening, a brick was thrown through the picture window in her family's living room. It was an inauspicious start to her high school career.
Since then, things have quieted down as the community, while still somewhat split on her attending as a whole, was appalled by the violence.
Kelly says, "My earliest memories of feeling that something was wrong go back to when I was maybe 4 or 5. I don't know if I realized what it was then. I just felt wrong. I wanted to play with the girls and I wanted to dress like them. It hurt, because I was always told, ‘you’re a boy.’"
Kelly is under the care of Doctor William Daniels, a well known expert in the Gender community. Doctor Daniels would not comment on Kelly's case specifically, but said, "While we are still learning a lot about what causes gender identity disorders; what we do know is that the vast majority of the problems associated with it, are societal. Particularly in children, what we have seen is that allowing the expression of the preferred gender, instead of insisting on squelching such expression, leads to healthier, happier, and content individuals. There have been a few well publicized cases lately of even very young children being allowed to attend school as their preferred gender. For more information on this, check out Transkids Purple Rainbow at http://www.transkidspurplerainbow.com/. They were featured in a Barbara Walters special, on 20/20, in April 2007."
One of the problems that young transgendered children face is the betrayal they feel as they enter puberty, and their bodies begin to change in ways that are distasteful for them. A controversial new treatment option exists, where the child takes medication designed to postpone puberty. One such drug is Lupron Depot. This procedure is completely reversible, simply by discontinuing taking the medicine. This option is being used to give transgendered children more time to make a decision, and to prevent the changes that are difficult, costly and often painful to reverse, once they have occurred.
Kelly hid herself so well from her family and friends that she almost waited too long. Kelly is fifteen years old, and puberty had already begun. However, she was lucky in that she was a late bloomer and as Jason had not yet needed to shave. Her voice had not dropped and most of the typical male pattern changes of puberty had not taken hold. She began taking Lupron Depot this past summer and her puberty has been arrested, in fact it has reversed a few of the changes that had begun.
In another year or so, Kelly along with her doctor's and her parents, will decide whether to move into the next phase, or to continue on with this treatment. Phase 2, should she decide to move forward, will be to start taking estrogen. Entering phase 2, after having been on Lupron Depot, will begin her puberty, but as a female. Phase 2, if she chooses to move forward with it, is irreversible. Soon after beginning phase 2, the patient becomes sterile.
Unlike in some European countries that have recognized the medical necessity of treating transgendered youth, in the United States, these procedures and medications are not covered by insurance. Lupron Depot is expensive, it can cost between $500 and $700 a month.
Kelly says, "I'm very lucky to have my parents support. We are not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, and I know that Mom and Dad have made some pretty big sacrifices in order to be able to pay for my treatments."
Kristine Anderson, Kelly's mother, says, "It is expensive, and we have had to be creative in finding ways to pay for the treatments, but you do what you have to do."
Asked about what her first reactions were when she found out that her son was hiding his need to be her daughter, Mrs. Anderson said, "I was shocked. Jason, while not the most macho of boys, did not appear to be effeminate. We talked to his pediatrician and began to see Dr. Daniels and we did a lot of research. I never really realized how unhappy Jason had been, until we got to see him as Kelly. I was pretty luke warm to it, to be honest, I wanted Jason to resist his needs. I could see how much that was hurting him, and when Dr. Daniels recommended giving him some time to explore the inner girl, I did not fight it. Kelly was just so happy when she got that chance and it was a happy in a way I had never seen in Jason. I could not really fight it once I understood that."
Kelly has a group of close friends. When the picture of Kelly and her girlfriend Julie was made public, she stood by her friend. "I was the first person to meet Kelly after her parents. To be honest, I had caught Jason and his mother shopping for clothes for Kelly and I wanted to help Jason, so I knew when we started dating. To be honest, it has been fun watching her grow. When she first started she was so tentative and needed to learn everything that we all learn when we are younger. She was a quick study though!"
Kathy and Sue, friends of Julie, first got to know Jason and then learned about Kelly. Kathy said, "Jason was a nice guy, and it was clear that he was good for Julie. When we figured out that he was also Kelly, it was a bit of a shock, but since Julie obviously knew and was so happy, we could not help but be happy for her. We had all kinds of questions for Kelly when we finally met her and made a nuisance of ourselves, but we saw very quickly she was really just one of the girls and we think she is great."
Kelly had two best friends when she was Jason. Neither John, nor Steve, had any clue about their friends suppressed alter ego. They first learned about it when the swimsuit picture became public.
John said, "At first I was furious at Jason. I felt betrayed and it’s like this person I had known, had been lying to me my whole life. Kathy and Sue made me see it from Kelly's perspective, though. How hard it had been for her, to have to face every day pretending to be the boy that everyone thought she was, afraid of how people would react. Once I gave her a chance and got to know her as Kelly, I could see how much more at ease she was. I really could not begrudge her that. Then when school started and she was attacked like that, I saw why she had chosen to hide so long."
Asked about her immediate and future plans, Kelly said, "Right now I'm just trying to enjoy every moment. A year ago, I could not have dreamed that I would actually be attending school and being accepted by most people as Kelly. I wake up every morning, get dressed, and am thankful for the support of my family and my friends. And so many, like you, that have reached out to me and offered their support. I hope that in time, my cousin and my Aunt and her husband will be able to accept me as well. I miss them, and it hurts, but even though they have rejected me, I forgive them, I know that they actually are doing what they think is right. As for the future, I don't know yet. I have a lot of decisions to make, but I'll make them when it seems right, with a little help from my friends." Kelly smiled as her friends all began singing the classic Beatle's song behind her.
As the interview came to an end, Kelly asked to make one final point. She said, "I am very fortunate to have all the support that I have. I am not the first transgendered person to come to this school. As many of us learned at the Board of Education meeting, Chris Fienberg attended this school, just a few years ago. Chris did not have any support, and ultimately he took his own life when he simply could not face it any more. I would not be here today, if it were not for all those that came before me and fought for the changes in the laws, and have given me this chance, I will not forget them."
It has been a little over three months now since Kelly's first inauspicious day at JRHS. Despite all of the hand wringing and warnings expressed by concerned parents, The world as we know it, did not end, the school is still standing and going strong, and the students are learning. It begs the question, "What was all the fuss about anyway."
Reverend Triphard put down his copy of the Jefferson Weekly. "Let's see how they like national attention." He picked up the phone and called a friend of his that worked for Firefly News Network. "Charlie. Hi it's Joe Triphard here. Yeah, how is your wife? Good, good. The kids? Really, good for Simon. Look, we have one of those crazy situations I know your boss just loves to gripe about, going on here. Yeah, 15 year old boy is going to the local High School, prancing around dressed as a freakin' girl, and the school board isn't doing anything to stop it. Yeah, they say the laws here have their hands tied. Yeah, they even published an article in their school newspaper about it. I'll fax it to you right away. Thanks, Charlie."
Authors Note:
I'm sorry for the delay and the relatively short update. The holidays and general real life obligations have made it tough to find the time or energy to write, and this section was hard as I tried to write this as an article. I researched a lot about Lupron Depot and the treatment as well, and that took some time. I hope to have more time, and with getting past this hurdle, be able to get back to posting more regularly. With Christmas and family obligations however, it still may be a bit behind where I would like to be. Thanks for reading, and your patience.
Kristine Roland
Written by Kristine Roland
Edited by Joni W
Part 4 - This is the Sequel to Jason's Story.
Kelly deals with the fallout from the school article.
Author's Note: My sincere thanks to Joni W for all her efforts!
I am very sorry that this took so long to post. I got good and sick over the holidays, and as a result really had trouble concentrating on writing, or much of anything else. So things got backed up (heck we still have not gotten our Christmas tree down, if that gives you any idea.) I hope to be more regular going forward, now. Thanks for your patience, and I hope this part will have been worth the wait.
Kristy
Chapter 8
The first few days after the publication of Kirsten's article in the school newspaper, brought heightened focus on Kelly again. For the most part, the students that she spoke to were curious and politely asked her follow up questions.
There were a few students though, that took whatever opportunities they could to get a dig in, "Hey Jason, I hear your choo choo is stuck at Lupron Depot."
Kelly simply ignored such taunts when they occurred.
The choir suits and gowns were delivered later that week while she was attending choir practice after school. Mr. Winthrop personally oversaw the delivery. Nothing was said about the absence of Mrs. Drysdale. The choir split up into boys and girls groups, in order to try on their costumes.
While the rest of the girls changed in the girl's locker room, Kelly went into the nurse's office and changed in the restroom. When she came out in her choir gown, Mrs. Hammond looked over and said, "Very nice Kelly."
Kelly blushed and said, "Thank you, Mrs. Hammond."
She headed back over to the gym, and waited for the rest of the girls to come out of the locker room, to wait for Mr. Winthrop to finish with the boys.
When he came in he had them line up, and he examined the fit of each gown one at a time. A few needed some minor adjustments, but for the most part they were all perfect. When he came to Kelly he said, "Ah… Miss Anderson, let us have a look at you. Yes… yes, that is perfect, my dear."
Kelly said, "Thank you Mr. Winthrop, it is a beautiful gown, and it fits wonderfully."
Later that night, the phone rang at the Anderson residence. Kelly's mother answered it and Kelly could see her mother's face get a concerned look as she said, "What? Firefly News Network? Why would Kelly be on there?"
Her mother came into the family room and turned on the television and changed the channel to Firefly News.
The host of the show was saying:
Earlier this year we brought you a story about a school in Colorado allowing a young male student to attend dressed as a girl. As we told you at the time, we thought that this was a ridiculous approach for the school system to take, and that it was unfair to the other students to be subjected to this child's mental problem. We have now learned that yet another school system has been infected by the inability to say no. Up until the end of last year, Kelly Anderson was known to her fellow students at Jefferson Regional High School as Jason Anderson. Over this past summer, Jason decided that he wanted to be known as Kelly Anderson and taking advantage of poorly worded legislation, forced the school system to accept him as a "transitioning" female student.
The school has violated the civil rights of other students by strongly restricting the free speech rights of those students, that object to having to be subjected to this mockery. The school newspaper on the other hand, was recently used to promote a biased view, claiming that there really was no controversy. This 15 year old student, according to the school article, is even taking drugs to block puberty.
How a 15 year old can be considered to have enough experience to decide to make such a change in their life, is a travesty. You have heard me time and time again say that we are too quick to treat children with mind and body altering medicines. We give drugs to children in record numbers today for so called ADHD; can't control your kids give them a pill. Now we are using drugs to prevent kid's bodies from changing as they are supposed to change, only to force their bodies in an unnatural direction. When are parents going to learn to say 'NO' to their children? This child will regret this someday; mark my words. Where will he be as an adult that was not allowed to go through puberty?
To make matters worse, this mockery is part of the choir, and will soon be touring senior centers dressed in an evening gown. Did anyone ask the other choir members how they feel about being forced to act as evangelists for the transgender / homosexual agenda? Wherever this choir goes, they can be sure that protests will follow.
If you don't believe this is part of the gay agenda, then you only have to look at the fact that Jason Anderson has a girlfriend! Julie Sanders is apparently quite pleased that this confused boy Jason is going to become a lesbian like herself.
After the break, we will bring in several experts. We have Dr. Justin Jergins noted psychiatrist and his colleague, Dr. Allison Andrews, a respected expert on endocrinology. Dr. Jergins and Dr. Andrews authored the book The myth of transgenderism, how mutilation became standard practice. Taking the opposite point of view, we have Tony Caufield, a representative from the local Gay and Lesbian Task force.
Kelly's mother slammed the control and turned off the television. Kelly had turned white while listening to the host of the Firefly News Network show The Left Watch. Her mother came over to her and caught Kelly as she staggered backward toward the couch, one hand to her mouth, shaking.
"Mom… Why? How?" Kelly was in shock.
"I don't know, Kelly. Obviously someone forwarded the article from the school paper to them. We knew that letting Kirsten write it was taking a risk. Now the school is being targeted for national attention and people that were prepared to just ignore it, will start coming out of the woodworks. Damn!"
The phone rang, Mrs. Anderson answered it. "Hello…" She quickly hung up the phone. "Kelly, don't answer the phone, if it rings again. Let it go to the machine."
Calls came in all night, many of them quite nasty. Officer Dowling stopped in at Mr. and Mrs. Anderson's request and listened to some of the calls. He said, "Don't erase any of these. I'll have the detective stop by tomorrow. He is going to want to keep a record of these in case we need them. We will step up the watch on the street again. Kelly, I'm sorry."
Kelly shook her head and said, "It's not your fault officer. I guess I should not have let Kirsten write that article. "
Officer Dowling said, "I read that article, Kelly. Kirsten did a great job, and I think it was important that it be said. We will do everything we can to keep you safe."
Kelly thanked the officer, and Mrs. Anderson saw him out.
A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. Kelly's mother went to the door, and let Kirsten in. "Mrs. Anderson, I am so sorry. I never would have believed that my article could have caused this."
"It's ok Kirsten; it is not your fault."
Kirsten asked, "Is Kelly ok?"
Kelly came out to the front hall and said, "I'm a bit in shock, but I will be ok, I guess."
Kirsten seeing Kelly came over to her and said, "I'm so sorry Kelly! Can you forgive me?"
"It's ok Kirsten, you didn't do anything wrong. We knew we were taking a chance by letting you write the article, we all knew the risk."
"I got a call from Bradford News Network, Firefly's main competitor. They want to do a positive rebuttal to the story, like they did in the Colorado case. I told them it was not my decision. They said they had tried to reach you, but that your phone was going straight to voice mail. They would like to talk to you and your parents about how they can help."
"I don't know Kirsten. I can't believe this is national news. Why should anyone care about this? I just want it all to go away."
"I'm so sorry, Kelly," Kirsten said.
"I think you should do it," Kelly's mother said quietly.
"Mom," Kelly looked at her mother in shocked surprise?
"Honey, this is not going to just blow away. Someone in this town has to have sent that off to FNN. The positive article Kirsten published did not set off a firestorm, like this. It took this… Oh!... Son of a bitch! This ignorant bastard at FNN to pontificate and set it off. If we can get a positive rebuttal out there, it might help those that are on the fence. Not to mention that someone is out there and is going to treat their own child badly and use this … piece of garbage… to justify it."
Kelly's mother was clearly upset and doing her best to control her anger. Kelly was not used to seeing her mother this animated. She was clenching her fists, and looked like she was ready to chew nails.
"I'm sorry, Mom. This is my fault." Kelly said.
Her mother grabbed Kelly and pulled her to her.
"No, Kelly, don't you dare. This is not your fault. You have made great progress in accepting yourself over the past few months; I am not mad or disappointed with you. I'm furious that people are so damned judgmental and can't let people be."
She let Kelly go, turned to Kirsten and said, "Kirsten do you have the contact information with you for Bradford?"
"Yes, I do." Kirsten gave Mrs. Anderson a slip of paper.
Chapter 9
The next couple of days at school Kelly was once again the main topic of the moment. Just about everyone had seen the broadcast, or its repeated showing later in the night.
Her mother had contacted the producer from Bradford News Network, and they had sent a film crew. Kelly tried to ignore them as they followed her around to get the footage they needed.
At the Anderson's request, the school co-operated with the news team. The school board officials were happy to have a national news organization producing a positive rebuttal story, and several members consented to being interviewed.
The news truck followed the choir's school bus tour of the area nursing homes, senior centers and local hospital.
At the first stop of the day, they found Reverend Triphard and his followers outside, protesting. The choir was escorted past the protesters by security. In the lobby, the head of the facility waited for them.
"Mrs. Dixon?"
"I'm Mrs. Dixon, you are Mr. Peters?"
"Yes, I am. I'm afraid we were not expecting this to be a controversial visit! I wish you had let us know what to expect. I'm not sure I should let this go on," said Mr. Peters, clearly annoyed.
"Mr. Peters, we certainly do not see why a visit to a nursing home for the choir to perform should be considered controversial," Mrs. Dixon replied, trying to keep her calm.
"You did not think that performing here with a boy dressed in a gown would be controversial? We have a very conservative cliental. The families of our residents are going to be quite concerned."
A well dressed and immaculately groomed woman spoke up and said, "Excuse me. Are you saying that you are not going to allow the choir to perform?"
"Who are you?" Mr. Peters asked confused.
"I'm Beth Ann Williams, Bradford News Network." She said as she held out her hand.
"Bradford News Network?" Mr. Peters said, clearly put off guard.
"Yes. I am a correspondent for BNN, and I am trying to understand what you are saying. I want to be certain that we don't misrepresent your actions in our story on the choir, and its members."
Mr. Peters then noticed the man behind Ms. Williams holding a television camera. He stuttered and said, "No, of course not. I simply was saying that we would have appreciated some warning so that we could properly prepare should anyone have any objections. I'm sure it will be fine, though. Follow me, please."
Mr. Peters waived them through and brought them to a common room where the residents were waiting.
Mrs. Dixon stopped and quietly said to Ms. Williams, "Thank you. That had all the makings of an ugly scene."
"You are welcome. It was my pleasure, but I would have very much enjoyed ripping Mr. Peters apart on air if he had kept the choir from performing. It would just be wrong."
Kelly had been appalled as she realized that they were going to be turned away. She heard some of the members of the choir getting upset, and some of them were angry at her for putting them in this position. She heard several different people saying quietly that if she had any decency she would quit. When they started to move into the room, she initially was frozen in place. Brenda, the girl next to her said, "Kelly… Come on. Don't let them get to you; this is not your fault. Let's go in there and prove you belong in this choir. Come on girl, let's go."
As they went through their set, Kelly looked out at the seniors. Most were having a good time. There were a few that were pointing at her and making faces. It unnerved her, but she pushed it out of her mind and lost herself in the music. She concentrated on hitting the right notes, and kept her eyes on the lyric book.
When they were complete, they got a loud ovation. Afterwards they formed a receiving line and welcomed the residents to come and say hello. Most of them shook her hand and accepted her Happy Holidays and New Year wishes in the spirit taken. No one confronted her.
When they got on the bus, Mrs. Dixon came and sat by her. "Are you ok, Kelly? I'm sorry about that, it never occurred to me there could be a problem."
"I guess, I am sorry though that the others had to deal with it. Do you want me to quit? I really don't know that this is fair to the choir."
"No Kelly, I don't want you to quit. And if there is anyone in this choir who thinks you should, well the door is that away for them. You have as much right as anyone to be here. You sing very well, and so obviously love it, that it would be tragic for you to feel the need to quit."
The protestors were set up at each of their stops, but there were no further incidents. Kelly was not sure if that was because the managers at the other facilities did not care, or if it was because they had heard that they had a reporter from BNN with them. In either case, Kelly was just happy that there had not been any further incidents.
Ms. Williams interviewed her, her parents, Julie and the gang. She interviewed Kirsten as the author of the school article. She also managed to interview Kelly's Aunt Jessica and cousin Tom as they were at one of the protesters. She interviewed Reverend Triphard, but he cut it short as he realized she was not sympathetic to him.
The story was to air on Friday night. Kelly was very nervous about how she would be portrayed, despite the assurances of the BNN people that it would be a positive story. Part of her wanted to just ignore it, but she knew she had to see it. Initially she was going to watch it with just her parents and Julie. However, her other family and friends had other ideas. They ended up at a local restaurant that had a private room with a television.
When the segment on her came on, they all gathered around to watch.
The news anchor began by saying, "Our next story is about Kelly, a young transgendered woman attending Jefferson Regional High School. Last week, Kelly and the school officials at Jefferson Regional High School became the focus of national scrutiny when Firefly News Network host, Ben O'Dale made them the subject of his nightly show The Left Watch. We sent our correspondent, Beth Ann Williams to meet the young woman that had Ben so annoyed."
The scene changed to show Kelly, walking into school, with her friends. The voice of Beth Ann Williams narrating over the images began, "Kelly Anderson is a freshman student at Jefferson Regional High School. Like most girls her age, Kelly gets up in the morning, deliberates over what to wear, puts on her makeup and gets ready to go to school. But unlike most girls her age, Kelly was born male. Up until the start of this year, her classmates all knew Kelly as Jason."
The scene cut to Beth and Kelly sitting facing each other in her bedroom. Kelly is neatly dressed, and is meticulously made up.
"Kelly, when did you decide that you would attend high school this year as Kelly instead of Jason?"
"It was something I thought about most of last year, after I talked to my parents about how I felt. My parents were concerned about the risks of coming out to the school, and I was scared about it myself. So while I certainly dreamt about it, I did not really seriously consider it until this summer."
"What happened over the summer to make this something that you felt you needed to do?"
"My cousin found out about Kelly and he took a picture of me in a bathing suit from his cell phone. He sent that to some friends of his that live in our town, and they turned around and sent it on, and within maybe thirty minutes the whole town knew about me. So that changed things. I needed to be Kelly, but my parents would have wanted to take it slow to protect me, since everyone already knew, there wasn't any more risk. In fact they saw it as the best chance to protect me. I was going to be hassled about it anyway, but if people could see me as Kelly, they might be able to accept it better. For the most part that is how it worked out."
The scene shifted again, and the photograph of Kelly and Julie in their swimsuits, along with a copy of the e-mail text was shown on the screen. The narrator read the e-mail, and then the scene shifted back to Kelly in her bedroom.
Beth asked, "Why did your cousin do this? He must have known the potential trouble this would cause for you?"
"You would have to ask him. From his perspective, this is all a big sin. My Aunt Jessica, Tom's mother slapped me when she realized that she was seeing me. She said a bunch of nasty things, and then left. I guess he felt that if people were to find out, it would force me to quit. They don't understand that quitting is really not an option. I can't stop being who I am. I am Kelly," she said with a smile.
"So you must be pretty upset with them?"
"I was, but I have forgiven them. They know not what they do." Kelly said, with a slight smile. "Seriously, they are my family, and I love them. I have lots of support from the rest of my family and this has hurt them terribly. They have completely shut themselves off from the family over this. I feel bad for them. Most especially, I feel bad for my cousin Billy. I know how disappointed he had to have been that day. My grandparents are no longer able to spend time with him either and that is really tragic."
"How did you feel when you heard the commentary from Ben O'Dale?"
"Appalled. I could not believe I was on national news to begin with, and then to hear him go off like that. I felt like, who the heck are you, what gives you the right to judge me? He had never spoken to me much less met me. I'm sure that someone in town, sent him a copy of the school newspaper article on me."
Kelly was asked a few more questions, before the scene switched to Beth sitting with her parents in the family room.
"Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, I have spent the day following Kelly around and I have to say she is really wonderful. She is remarkably upbeat and she handles herself so well. She keeps her head up high and faces it with a strength that can only be because she so clearly has the support of you both."
Kelly's parents both say, "Thank you."
"What would you say to those that say, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson are you insane? How can you let your 15 year old child do this?"
"I'd say to them, if you had seen the difference in Kelly from when she had been Jason, she is much happier and content with life now. Jason was a good boy and I did not really realize how unhappy he was until I got to see him as Kelly. We truly believe that we are doing what is right for Kelly."
"What about the medicine, Lupron Depot. Mr. O'Dale's commentary echoes what many people think, about treating young children with puberty blocking drugs."
"Mr. O'Dale does not understand. Lupron Depot is buying Kelly time to make decisions about her life. She may still decide to be Jason, although I suspect that is highly unlikely. If she does, she can simply stop taking the Lupon Depot and she will go through puberty as normal. If however, she decides to stay as Kelly, it will prevent her from having to have many expensive and invasive procedures. Kelly was extremely distressed by the changes that were occurring to her body and this put her mind at ease."
After a few more questions with Kelly's parents and then some more with Mr. Lewis, the president of the board of education, Mr. West, the school superintendant and Mr. Martin, the school principal, the scene changed to the first nursing home.
Beth Williams narrating over the images of the protestors outside said "We were fortunate to meet Kelly on the day that the Jefferson Regional High School choir was making the rounds of the local nursing homes and senior centers, an annual holiday tradition. As we approached the first center of the day, we found a small group of protestors, led by the Reverend Triphard, had set up just outside the center. They carried signs indicating that Kelly was an abomination and that the choir members would all be going to hell for performing with Kelly. Amongst the protestors, we found Kelly's Aunt Jessica and Cousin Tom."
The scene changed to show Jessica and Tom bundled up in their coats, standing near the protestors. Beth Williams was standing by them with her microphone.
"I'm Beth Ann Williams and this is Jessica and Tom Merrick."
Jessica and Tom nodded in agreement.
"They are here today to protest the Jefferson Regional High School Choir's performance. You are also Kelly Anderson's aunt and cousin, is that correct?"
Jessica looking disgusted said, "His name is Jason! Jason is a boy, not a girl. It is a sin for him to be parading around in a dress and on top of that, to be part of a choir and performing Christmas songs is totally offensive to those of the true faith."
"But Kelly is legally recognized as a transitioning woman, so her name is now Kelly."
"That's legal nonsense. He was baptized as Jason, so that is his real name. You can't change the name you were baptized with, not in the eyes of the Lord."
"So your name is not really Jessica Merrick then, it's really Jessica Anderson?" Beth asked, with a well practiced smile.
"That's totally different and you know it," Jessica replied.
"These things always are." Beth said, keeping her smile on her face. "Tom, you are the cousin that sent the e-mail that exposed your cousin's transgenderism to the community?"
"Yes, I did. I would do it again too. Jason has put his soul in jeopardy, as well as the rest of our family that has supported him. As Reverend Triphard teaches, you must shine the light on the sinner, to get them to change."
"It does not seem to be working as you would have thought. In fact, your e-mail freed Kelly to be able to come to school. She would have continued to keep Kelly a secret for now, had you not made it public knowledge already."
"I told you his name is Jason." Jessica snapped.
"Yes, I know, but Kelly has asked us to refer to her as Kelly and we will honor her request. You should know that Kelly has said that she forgives you and that you know not what you do."
Jessica says, "Typical, he blasphemes the words of our Lord."
"How is what she says blasphemous? She seems to be emulating his teaching."
"He is mocking the Lord's words."
"You don't believe that she has forgiven you and Tom then?" Beth asked. "Is that because you don't believe that what you did is forgivable?"
"I don't know what HE feels. I know that what we did is right and that there is no need for HIS forgiveness. Someday, he will thank us for what we did."
"From what I understand, you have not spoken with Kelly since that day at the cabin, is that correct?"
Tom answered, "I have not. I get sick just thinking about the image of Jason in that bathing suit."
Jessica agreed, "I do not want my children exposed to his perversion."
"Did you see the O'Dale commentary on Firefly News Network?"
"Yes we did. It was good to see the news media putting attention on the situation here. It is absurd that our state legislature has forced the community here to accept my nephew in the school as a girl."
"How do you think that FNN learned about the situation?"
Tom answered, "Oh Reverend Triphard contacted a friend of his that works there."
Jessica said, "Tom! That is not something for you to share."
As she was saying this, Reverend Triphard came over. "Jessica, what do we have here? We need you and Tom in the protest lines."
"Reverend Triphard, I'm Beth Ann Williams, with Bradford News Network."
Reverend Triphard said, "I know who you are, little lady."
"Reverend, Tom here just told us that you were responsible for bringing this situation to Mr. O'Dale, is that correct?"
Reverend Triphard's face showed annoyance, but he quickly recovered and said, "Yes. After the school newspaper published an extremely biased piece, that completely ignored the protests of those of us that find the attendance of Jason Anderson at the Jefferson High School completely unacceptable, I felt it was necessary to respond. Since the school will not publish our response, I got in touch with Mr. O'Dale."
"Reverend Triphard, from what we have been able to tell, after the violence that occurred during Kelly's first day at school, the town pretty much did decide to accept Kelly. That is, with the exception of your church, which, correct me if I'm wrong, is not even located in a town served by Jefferson Regional High School."
"There are many that live in the community here that are silent, but are strongly opposed to Jason's attending the school. Those that have children in the school, are afraid that vocal opposition will result in retaliation against their children in the school. The trumped up charges against Courtney, for an accident during gym class, has them afraid to speak out."
"You are referring to the girl that broke Kelly's leg on the first day of school, by taking a two handed, full swing, at her leg, with a field hockey stick? My understanding is, that she only received detention, she was not expelled and she was not charged with assault. She was warned strongly against further attacks. Do you condone violence against Kelly?"
"Don't put words in my mouth, little lady. There is no evidence that Courtney intentionally hurt Jason. If there were, they would have pressed charges. As I said, it was an accident."
"The gym teacher did not believe it to be an accident."
"The school has done everything it can to suppress the free speech rights of those that object to Jason's attendance. Now if you will excuse me, I must return to exercise my freedom of speech." With that Reverend Triphard, Jessica and Tom went back to the protestors.
The scene shifts to the office of the school principal.
"Mr. West, we ran into Reverend Triphard this morning. He was leading the protests at the various stops the choir made today. He charged that the school is interfering with the free speech rights of your students and their parents. He says that there are many that oppose Kelly's attendance, but won't speak, as they are afraid of retaliation against their children, by the school."
"People are entitled to their opinion. We have a strict policy against hateful speech, harassment, or bullying on campus. We cannot control and do not try to control, what they say at home. There are of course, laws against threatening speech and the local police department has responded to calls to the Anderson's home, that were threatening. We do not have any intention of punishing a student for the views of their parents; there were a number of parents that objected quite strongly at the board of education meeting, when this was discussed. Their children have not been treated any differently. We did try to keep those that objected most strongly, in classes that were different from Kelly's, for everyone's benefit."
"He also charged that the school newspaper printed a highly biased piece and would not allow a rebuttal."
"We have not had one submitted by a student. All of our school newspaper articles are written by students. The article was well written and the facts presented, were verified by the faculty advisor. It is true that the interview portion focused on those close to Kelly. If a student wants to submit an article that is verifiable and respectful, we will publish it."
The scene changes to the choir singing at the senior center. The choir is singing "Silent Night" and the camera zooms in on Kelly.
The scene changes to Kelly, Julie, Kathy, Sue and Meghan walking out of the school together. Beth narrates over the images, "Kelly Anderson is beautiful young woman. Considering the trials that she has already been through, she remains remarkably grounded, upbeat, and aware that she has been very lucky to receive a tremendous amount of support."
The segment ended and returned to the live image of the network studio. Beth Ann Williams was now sitting next to the news anchor. The host asked, "Kelly seems to be a remarkable person, Beth."
Beth, looking at the camera, said, "Well Judy, I found that Kelly is much like any other 15 year girl, looking to find her own path through high school and life. The support she has gotten from most of her family and friends gives her the strength to deal with those that are not supportive. The same day that she had her leg broken, their home was actually attacked and a brick thrown through the living room window. The people responsible for that have been charged and the cases are pending. Although she truly has forgiven her Aunt Jessica and Cousin Tom, it still hurts her that they will not accept her. It is unfortunate that our own profession has been used to cause her more pain. Mr. O'Dale did not do any research into the situation, but basically parroted Reverend Triphard's rhetoric. There are some people in the community that are not comfortable about the situation, but most that we spoke to felt that Reverend Triphard was over the top. Even the protests that we found at the various nursing homes and the senior center, were really very small, and the same people were moving from one event to the next, making it look like there were more protestors then there really were."
"Thank you, Beth. After the break we will be speaking with a panel of leading psychologists that are expert in gender issues. We invited the experts that Mr. O'Dale spoke with on his show, but when they learned they would be part of a full panel, they declined to take part."
With that, the Television was turned off. Kelly sat back and listened to her family and friends commenting on the report.
Grandma Anderson was saying, "I swear to God, I don't understand where she gets that from. I know we did not raise her that way!"
Kelly's father said, "Mom, you can't blame yourself. It's all Bob's influence; you know that."
"I know that Richard, but I thought I did a better job raising you all."
"Lizzie, you did a great job raising our children, look at Richard and Sally." Grandpa Ira said.
"Oh, I know that. You two are so wonderful and you know I'm proud of you. I just get so mad at your sister."
"Well, Mom, she made an ass out of herself in that interview. I doubt too many people will be overly sympathetic to her point of view, unless they are already so far that way themselves. She and Reverent Triphard came off as vindictive and small." Kelly's father said.
"Kelly on the other hand, you looked great, and I am very proud of the way you handled yourself. I know it was difficult. Your mother and I love you so much." Her father came over and pulled her out of her chair and gave her a big hug.
The conversation continued, as they sat down and had coffee and dessert. Kelly just sat back, quietly thinking to herself.
Chapter 10
That night in her room, Kelly continued to think about everything. "What the heck am I doing? How did this ever get so out of control? I've lost my Aunt Jessica, Tom and Billy. They will never accept me, and worse, I have driven this wedge between them and the rest of the family. That is never going to heal."
Kelly curled up and began to cry. "I should have just kept it all to myself. Was being Jason so horrible that I needed to cause all of this? Not only the family division, but the town divided too. In a sense they are right, there are a lot of people that just don't say what they really feel. Why? Am I really so awful? Oh, God, what should I do?"
Kelly cried herself to sleep.
The next morning, she woke up. She took her breast forms off before she went into the shower, and she stored them in their pink box. When she came back, she grabbed a t-shirt with a band logo, grabbed a pair of sweats, and the plainest panties she had, a pair of white high cut cotton briefs. She did not put on makeup, her breast forms or a bra.
When she came out into the kitchen her mother looked up and did a double take. "Kelly, are you ok?"
"I'm fine, Mom." Kelly grabbed a bowl and the cereal.
"You don't look ok. Are you feeling alright? You aren't wearing your forms, or a bra."
"I feel fine, Mom."
Her mother reached over and touched Kelly's forehead, "Well, no fever. Something must be bothering you. Has it anything to do with the broadcast last night?"
"I don't want to talk about it, Mom, Ok!" Kelly slammed the spoon down in the bowl, started to cry and ran back to her room.
She slammed the door behind her and threw herself on her bed, curling up into the fetal position. Her mother gave her a few minutes and then came in and sat next to her. She sat there with her, just rubbing Kelly's back and waiting for Kelly to talk.
"Why me? Why did this have to be me? I have the whole town divided against itself. Aunt Jessica and Tom and Billy are never going to accept me; they have cut themselves and Billy off from all of you; and it's all my fault! Why couldn't I just keep this to myself? Being Jason was not that horrible, I could have been happy as Jason too; I'm sure I could have, if I just tried harder. Especially with someone like Julie; that could let Kelly out occasionally. Why did I have to push this hard? I was just too selfish and look what that has lead too."
Kristine let Kelly wind down and then said, "Kelly, do you think that Jessica and Tom are right about this being a sin?"
Kelly sat up and held onto her mother.
"Mom, I don't know what to think anymore. I don't want it to be a sin; but is that just self justification, or is it really not a sin? I don't know. I just know that I've driven the family apart and I hate it!"
"Kelly, you did not cause Jessica to split off from the family. This has been coming for years; this was just the final push over the line. Your father was ready to break off all ties with them long before we knew about your needs. If it hadn't been this, it would have been something else. Believe me."
"Fine, but I am still responsible for the division in the town and now it's not just the town, but the damn news media is using me to fight over as well. I just want to be me, why is that so awful? Maybe I should give it all up and go back to being Jason."
"Kelly, that is not going to change anything in the town and the news will be on to something new in the next day or two. Besides, it was just the two cable news programs looking for ratings. O'Dale was used by Triphard to further his agenda and Beth Ann's show is always trading barbs with O'Dale's show, so they were quite happy to take an opposing view, a fact which frankly, we used to our advantage. But I doubt it will be on their radar going forward."
They held on to each other tightly and just sat quietly.
"Kelly, I love you. I love you, no matter whether you decide to be; Kelly or Jason. If you ever decide you need to be Jason again, your father and I will surely back you up. But I don't want you to give up being Kelly, because you are worried about the family or the town, or the whole damn country. You don't have to give up being who you are; you don't owe anyone that. Do you want me to call Dr. Daniels and see if he can see you today?"
"I guess."
"Ok, wait here, I'll be back in a few minutes." Mrs. Anderson gave Kelly another squeeze and then went into the other room. A few minutes later, she came back. "I spoke with Dr. Daniels; he said he would meet us at his office in an hour. Do you want to get changed, or go like that?"
"I suppose I should get changed, or at least get cleaned up a bit. I don't really want to be seen like this, it will just add to the problems."
"It's up to you, Kelly."
"I'll at least put on my breast forms and bra. I already get teased enough by Courtney and her crowd, about not having real breasts."
A little while later, Kelly was sitting in Dr. Daniels office.
"So what's going on Kelly," Dr. Daniels asked her.
"I was pretty upset this morning. I'm feeling really guilty about all of the stuff that is going on in town and in the family. Watching the report last night, all I could see was all of this stuff that is happening because of me and I just hate it."
"What stuff in particular?"
"My Aunt and her family are completely ostracized from the rest of the family, for one. Particularly, Billy."
"Do you believe that you have to live your life based on your Aunt's religious beliefs? There are many things she disapproves of. Your parents totally disagree with her on lots of things; you don't have the same religious restrictions. You can't live your life trying to please everyone Kelly. Really, you can't. It is your Aunt's failing not yours."
"That doesn't help Billy."
"No, but again it is your Aunt's decisions that are keeping you apart. Billy is young and he may someday reject his mother on this, or he may be just like Tom when he grows up, that will be a choice he will make. Billy has been exposed to you and he knows that you were a good cousin to him; what he takes from this will be his choice and is not your responsibility."
"But it feels like it is."
"Kelly, I know it does, because you are a kind and gentle person. You care about everyone else, almost more than you do about yourself, but you have to start by liking yourself. If you can't do that, then you will eventually be unhappy and bitter about it. Then you won't be able to help any of the people you care about either."
"It's so hard. I just… want…. to be... normal." Tears began to well up in her eyes. "Why could I not be happy as Jason? Why couldn't I have been born Kelly, if this is truly who I was meant to be? Why? Why would God do this to me? Am I such a horrible person? Am I paying for some mistake I made in a past life? Why!"
"Kelly, I'm not qualified to answer for God. All I can tell you is that sometimes these things happen and it has nothing to do with being a good or a bad person, in this or any other life. It may feel like you are the only person that has these feelings, but you aren't. I think it might be time for you to get involved with one of the local support groups, for transgendered teens. I think it will help. There is one that meets monthly; it is not too far away, maybe an hour drive. It will be good for you and your parents too."
"I guess. I've talked a lot to Michele about things, but it would be nice to talk to others my age. My friends have been great, but they just don't understand. Even, Julie, as much as she loves me, doesn't understand it."
"I'll talk to your mother about it."
"Thanks, Dr. Daniels. I'm sorry to pull you in here on your day off."
"It's ok, Kelly. I would be in the wrong business if I wasn't prepared to listen when you need to talk."
They continued to talk about things for a little while; then Kelly went into the waiting room and sent her mother in to speak with Dr. Daniels. While she was waiting for her, she went into the ladies room and washed her face. She took a deep breath, pulled out her makeup kit and decided to make a fresh start on the day.
In the car on the way home, Kelly said, "Thank you, Mom. I'm sorry about this morning."
"Oh Kelly, there is nothing for you to be sorry about. It's overwhelming sometimes, isn't it? Dr. Daniels gave me the information on the Teen Support group. We will call and find out what we need to do to get you to the next meeting, and when it is. Also, I'm going to talk to Minister Goodman about talking to you. You know that he has been supportive of you. You have to remember, Reverend Triphard does not speak for God."
"Ok, Mom."
Chapter 11
Over the next few days, Kelly started to feel better about herself again. On Sunday, after church, she had met with Minister Goodman. It had been a good talk and one that she probably should have had sooner. Minister Goodman had told her that the Bible was really not very specific on either gay or transgender issues. And that most of the passages that were quoted to condemn those things, were in the Old Testament and were part of the laws for the Jewish people at the time. Many of those things are completely ignored in today's world, because the situations have changed.
He had told Kelly that the thing to remember, was how Jesus actually treated people. Minister Goodman could not see how anyone who had truly read the Bible and studied how Jesus behaved toward people, could advocate the hate and condemnation that some supposed Christian leaders did.
The night of the choir holiday concert at the school came. Kelly dressed in her choir dress, hair and makeup by Michele, was looking radiant, as she walked into the school. She ignored the scraggily crowd of protestors from Reverend Triphard's church. The auditorium was full and the choir performed well. During the intermission, as she drank some bottled water and looked at the crowd buying baked goods, to support the choir, she was approached by many of the parents who smiled and congratulated her and the other choir members. She got several complements on how nice she looked and a few of them even mentioned having seen the special report on BNN and offered her encouragement.
She did notice of course, some others avoided her, and saw some small blocks of parents looking over and pointing at her. But she just tried to put those things aside for the night.
The second set went off without a hitch. All of the girls, including Kelly, received a bouquet of red roses from the town florist, that sponsored the event. It was a wonderful night for Kelly.
Finally, Christmas break had come and on Christmas morning, Kelly woke up for her first Christmas. She put on her bathrobe, and headed out to the kitchen.
She found her mother making coffee. She grabbed some orange juice for herself, and then headed out into the living room to start the morning festivities. As with their tradition, the house had been decorated the weekend after Thanksgiving. The tree, was covered in multi-colored lights and a combination of store bought and homemade ornaments. Many of the store bought ornaments were commemorating some special moment, like the ones that were for her parents first Christmas, then there was one with a pregnant Momma bear and another with a baby bear. One for when they had moved into this house. Her mother was a huge Norman Rockwell fan, so there were a number of ornaments of that nature as well. Most of the homemade ornaments were from when she was little. Made in school or kindergarten, they had traced her growing up as Jason. There was a new ornament there this morning though. It was one that she had not made and when Kelly saw it, she almost started crying. There, prominently displayed at eye level, was a star, with a picture of her in her choir dress. It said, "Kelly's first Christmas, 2008."
Her parents were standing behind her, she turned around, with the tears welling in her eyes and said, "Oh... Thank you!" Kelly gave her parents each a long, tight hug, wishing them each a "Merry Christmas!"
They sat down and Kelly's father handed out the presents. This year was very different, in the past she would have gotten mostly video games, books, and maybe a couple of outfits. This year, she got lots of clothes, and only one video game; but her parents also bought her a locket. Inside it was engraved with, "To Kelly, our lovely daughter. Love, Mom and Dad."
After the presents were opened, they cleaned up, and got ready for the guests to arrive.
The rest of the day was spent with Aunt Sally, Emily and her grandparents. Julie's family had gone to visit her mother's family, but stopped by on their way home and had some dessert with them.
As Kelly got ready for bed that night, wearing a new nightgown, she felt good, really good. She knew that she would have more tough days, days were she would wonder "why me" but she thought to herself, I will also have days like today and I just have to try to remember them, on those hard days.
With that she fell asleep.
Written by Kristine Roland
Edited by Joni W
Part 5 - This is the Sequel to Jason's Story.
Kelly meets other TG Teens and the recession comes to town.
Author's Note: My sincere thanks to Joni W for all her efforts!
Also, thanks to JenniferBrock and Scott Ramsey for some plot advice!
Chapter 12
Kelly looked out the window of the car, as she and her mother made the drive to the transgendered teen support group meeting. Kelly was somewhat anxious about meeting others, like herself. What would they think of her, what would she think of them?
Her mother had given up trying to draw her into a conversation soon after they got on the highway. The two of them rode in silence, looking on the barren trees in their stark winter coats of ice and snow.
When they arrived, Kelly let out a nervous sigh, quietly collected herself and got out of the car. She looked at the building. The facility was in a new corporate park, which catered to the medical community. There were five buildings; the one they needed was right in the center.
As they entered the building, Kelly was impressed by the lobby; it was full of lush, live vegetation, had a waterfall with a large Koi pond. They stopped and looked at the building index and found that they needed to go to the third floor. As they stepped into the elevator, another mother and daughter walked up, Kelly held the door open to let them on.
Once the door closed and Kelly looked at the girl, she soon realized that this was a person headed to the group meeting. She was dressed very nicely, but she could see the boy under the clothing and the makeup. Kelly wondered if it was that easy for others to read her.
The girl looked at Kelly, and said, "Oh… I know you! You're Kelly Anderson. I saw you on TV. Are you joining our group? That must have been awful to have that man from Firefly berating you, but the BNN story was wonderful!"
Kelly blushed and answered, "Yes, I am Kelly. I thought I was going to just die when that jerk said those things about me. Beth Ann Williams, the lady from BNN was really nice though. What is your name? You're a member of the TransTeen group? What's it like?"
"I'm Carol, or at least I am when I can be. I only get to be Carol outside when I meet with my psychologist and when I come here. I'd be too scared to go to school like this. You are really brave."
"Well, I did not have much of a choice. My cousin made sure everyone knew about me."
"I saw that. Mom is the only one who knows about me," Carol said, as she looked sad for a moment and then shook it off. "This is my mother Cindy."
Kelly said, "Hello. This is my mother Kristine."
The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened onto the third floor.
Carol said, "Here we go. Come on in and meet everyone."
Kelly and her mother followed Carol and her mother into the office. They stopped at the reception desk. Kelly and her mother found name badges prepared for them and headed into the room where the meeting was being held. They found a number of other people in the room already. The parents were gathered together and the teens were split into boys and girls. Kelly discovered that the group was made up of both male to female and female to male transgendered teens. Kelly joined Carol and headed over to the girls.
"Hey everyone, say hi to Kelly Anderson," Carol said.
The girls all stopped their conversation and looked at Kelly. Kelly gave them her best smile, as she tried to ignore the feeling that she was being put under a microscope and on the table to be dissected. She said "Hello everyone."
"Hi Kelly, I'm Deb, this is Joan, and this is Samantha." Kelly nodded to each of them and now that she was close by, she got a good look at them. She could not see anything about Deb or Samantha that would have told her that they were physically boys. Joan on the other hand, was not as fortunate. Kelly tried to figure out what it was that made Joan look so clearly like a boy in a dress, but it was hard to put a finger on it.
Deb said, "Welcome to TransTeen. That was quite a roller coaster they put you through last month."
"So much for anonymity," Kelly said. "I guess everyone here saw the news special."
Joan laughed and said, "oh yeah, definitely. Most of us saw it the original night, but we all watched it again together in our last meeting. It gave us plenty to talk about. You seem to be doing well though. Sure, Ben O'Dale was an idiot, but you expect that from someone like him. Overall you are fairly well accepted. You certainly aren't in hiding from anyone. I wish I could say that for the rest of us."
Deb said, "That's true. Joan, I know that things have not been as easy for you, but your mother is at least trying. You are here and you keep coming back. I know of others that have come once and were pulled out halfway through because their parents were looking for a group to help 'cure' them. One girl was from my hometown. She killed herself a couple of months later. I wish we could have helped her."
Joan said, "I know Deb. Mom doesn't approve at all, but she got the message. I was lucky I guess, in that our pediatrician scared her with several horror stories like that. He told her point blank to stay away from the doctor's that claimed cures and gave her a recommendation to a good doctor. My therapist has reinforced it to her, but she is really having a hard time of it. I'm not allowed to be Joan anywhere but here. These clothes are locked in her room and are all that I have."
Deb gave her a hug and said, "I know hon. Just hang in there. She does love you, she does come here, and she talks. I think she is making progress."
Joan smiled and said, "Thanks, I know she is. She even joked last week; we picked up My Big Fat Greek Wedding and The Notebook. She laughed and said, 'well one good thing is at least, I have someone to watch my chick flicks with.'"
They all laughed and Deb said, "See that's progress."
"Too bad she wouldn't let me be Joan while we watched them though."
"All in good time," Deb said.
The group leaders called everyone into the room to begin the meeting. After getting everyone quieted down, Kelly and her mother were introduced. Kelly learned that the meeting would be split into two parts, the first part the whole group got together and discussed issues that related to all them. This particular meeting they were continuing on some of the discussion of what they could learn from the media battle over Kelly. With Kelly and her mother able to add their very personal perspective to further the conversation from the prior month.
The second part of the meeting, everyone was split into three groups; parents, male to females and female to males all met separately to discuss things that were more targeted towards their needs. Each of these sessions were led by one of the psychologists that ran the group.
Kelly went with the other girls into a private room. After a few moments of chatter, an attractive woman, wearing a staff name badge, spoke up and quieted down the group. "Ok ladies, let's settle down. Kelly, I'm Erika and I'd like to welcome you to the TransTeen support group. "
Kelly said, "Thank you. I'm glad to be here."
Erika said, "We are happy to have you. Let me start by explaining a bit about how this portion of the group works. In here, we get into some fairly personal discussions. What is discussed in this room stays in this room. We are here to support one another, to help each other through the tough times and hopefully, to also share in the joyous times as well."
Kelly nodded her understanding.
"Since this is a support group, I always begin by asking if anyone has anything that is bothering them that they need the groups help with."
None of the girls spoke up.
"Ok, that's good. No crisis this time, always a good thing." Erika smiled and then said, “So Kelly, as someone new, we all want to get to know you. Now in your case we know more about you than usual, because of the news coverage, but we don't really know you. Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself, especially the parts that they would not have covered in the news story?"
Kelly blushed, but she said, "Ok, I guess. What kinds of things do you mean? Like my favorite sports, video games that kind of thing?"
"Sure, we know you are in chorus, you sing very well by the way and you looked quite lovely in your gown. What other activities do you enjoy?"
"Um… Well, I enjoy playing baseball and soccer. I like to watch hockey, but I can't skate well enough to think about playing it. I like video games, but I don't go crazy about them, lately I've been more into chatting with my girlfriends, then spending time on the games."
"You are accepted by the girls at your school, then?"
"Well, not all of them. But most of the girls have accepted me. There are several that are really good friends of mine. There's Julie, of course, she is my girlfriend; we are dating, so she is special. Kathy, Sue and Meghan have become like sisters to me."
"Others have given you a problem though?"
"A few have. Most of the other girls are fine, like Kirsten, the girl that wrote the school article that started the whole media thing; she is very nice to me. There are a few though; Courtney and her gang can be pretty mean. They have to be careful, because Courtney came close to getting expelled when she broke my leg. So even though I know what they think of me, as they make sure to let me know daily, I don't really worry about them much."
Samantha asked, "You are dating a girl, have you ever thought about dating boys?"
"No, I'm not interested in boys," Kelly blushed, as the other girls in the group laughed.
Deb said, "Oh, don't mind all of them. It's kind of a running thing, some of the girls are into boys; others aren't. You just changed the dynamic of the group again. The lesbian TG's just retook the majority."
Samantha stuck her tongue out at Deb, but said, "Oh well, can't blame a girl for trying. Still you might want to give it a try sometime…"
Kelly said, "I'm quite happy with Julie, thanks."
Joan said, "Some people get all the luck. Your parents accept you, you have a girlfriend that knows and accepts you. To top it off, you look perfect; no one would ever question you just from looking at you. I'd kill to be you!"
"I'm sorry Joan. I…"
"Don't you pity me! I don't need your God damned pity. Just know how damned lucky you are. Some of us aren't that lucky. My mother would do anything if she thought it would cure me and there is no damned way she would ever let me live full time. Hell, I can't even get away with any Joan time at home. She checks on me several times a night, she doesn't leave me home alone, and she won't tell my dad, which she is probably right about. Carol over there lost her father over it. He left them when her mother threatened to report him for child abuse if he hit her again."
Carol said, "Joan!"
Deb said, "Joan! That's Carol's business, not yours and should have been hers to share if she chose to. Look we all know that you have had a particularly rough time. Though as I told you before, at least you are here and you know your mother does care about you. There have been plenty of people like us even worse off then you, that would have 'killed' to be you, too."
"Joan, I don't pity you, but I do feel for you. You are right, I have been very lucky, and I am thankful for it. I have not had to worry about being beaten by my parents and most of my family has been accepting. But I do understand the betrayal; believe me having my cousin send that picture out to my classmates hurt more then I can even put into words. Having my Aunt threaten to file molestation charges if I came anywhere near my cousin Billy again… oh and getting death threats from people that I never met, that wasn't fun either."
Joan ignored Kelly and said, "Carol…"
Kelly looked over at Carol and saw that she had curled up and was holding herself tightly in her chair. Dr. Erika was kneeling before her, rubbing her back.
All of the anger had gone out of Joan, and she went over and said, "Carol… damn, I'm sorry."
Kelly stood back and looked on, along with the other girls. Deb said, "Come on everybody, give them some space. Erika will bring us in if she needs us."
Deb said, "Carol has had a really rough time. She does not handle confrontation well; her dad really did a job on her. Nothing that could be proven as physical child abuse, but … he did leave, and now he is fighting for custody. He says that her mother is committing child abuse against her by allowing her to be Carol at home and bringing her here."
Dr. Erika came over, "Deb, can you please go get Carol's mother. And I'm going to have to ask the rest of you all to wait in the lobby."
The girls filed out of the room, and Deb knocked on the room the parents were in. She whispered to the staff member that opened the door, and Carol's mom came out and rushed into the other room.
Deb grabbed Joan and took her off to a private corner, for a private conversation. When they came back, Joan said, "Kelly, I'm sorry. You certainly are not responsible for my problems, and I guess I was just a bit jealous of you."
Kelly reached out and took Joan's hand and said, "It's ok. I'm sorry too. I can't imagine what it would have been like if my parents had not accepted me."
The girls sat and talked quietly, all eyes on the door to the room they had been in, worrying about Carol. A short time later, the door opened, Dr. Erika, Carol and her mother came out. Carol looked over to the girls, looking embarrassed. Deb went over to her and said, "Come on, let's go take care of your makeup." She took her arm and led her off to the ladies room.
Dr. Erika said, "Ok everyone, please come on back in."
The girls went back in the room. A few moments later Carol and Deb came back in. Carol, still looking embarrassed said, "I'm sorry, guys."
Everyone assured her it was ok. Joan said, "Carol, I'm sorry. That was stupid of me and I was wrong, on so many levels. I certainly had no right to talk about your personal information without your permission, and I also was letting my own frustration at my situation out as jealousy at Kelly. That isn't fair, because it is not her fault that my parents don't accept me as well as her parents do. In fact," as Joan looked at Deb, "As Deb reminded me, her parent's example may ultimately help me with mine."
Carol said, "it's ok Joan. I shouldn't be so sensitive. I just… I know you guys know some of what happened, but… look, towards the end, before my dad left, he and mom had these huge arguments, especially when he had been drinking. He would get out of control. He never actually hit either of us, but he broke things, and I was so afraid he was going to hurt one of us. The last night before he left, he was angrier then I had ever seen him. He had found some books that mom was reading about transgender, and he just lost it. He was in her face and I really think he was about to hit her. I jumped on him from behind and grabbed his arm. He threw me aside and called me a pansy. He told me he would make a man out of me and he came at me. Mom stopped him somehow. I honestly don't remember anything more. Next thing I knew he was gone."
Carol wiped the tears from her face and looking at Deb said, "Damn… I'm sorry Deb; there I go messing up all your work again."
Deb smiled and said, "No problem, we can always go fix it again. I think most of us are going to need to after that."
Carol smiled, "Yeah. Anyway, now the bastard has filed for custody. He says that because my mother allows me to be Carol at home, that it is a form of child abuse and that she is unfit to be a parent."
Kelly said, "Surely the courts won't let him get away with that?"
Deb said, "Unfortunately, it depends on the judge. Some of them are very conservative and could very well rule against her mother."
The conversation shifted to less intense subjects. When the time was up, they went out and found their parents.
Deb came over to Kelly and said, "I just wanted to say welcome again. I promise it is not always like this. I do hope you will be coming back."
Kelly looked at her mother and said, "I hope so, too. I learned a lot today."
Deb smiled and said, "Good."
Kelly said, "Deb… How long have you been coming here? You seem to be the unofficial leader of the girls. They all look up to you, I noticed, and you took charge when it was needed. I have to say, I was impressed by you today."
Deb blushed, "I… Thanks. I've been coming for about four or five years. So yeah, I think some of the girls look at me as being a big sister, not that I'm any older than them. I have to say though; I think you are doing remarkably well; especially considering how recently you came out to your parents. Mrs. Anderson, I would say that has a lot to do with you and Mr. Anderson. Kelly is very lucky."
Kelly's mother said, "Thank you, we try."
Deb turning back to Kelly, took a pen and a small notepad out of her purse. "Here, let me give you my e-mail."
Kelly said, "Thanks, here let me give you mine as well."
As Kelly and her mother got to the car, she looked at her mother and said, "Mom… Thank you." Kelly held her mother tight.
"For what?"
"For accepting me. For loving me, no matter what. For giving me a chance to grow and to never, ever giving me a reason to doubt that you are there for me."
"That's what parents are supposed to do, honey."
"I know, mom. But too many don't."
Chapter 13
On the way home they chatted about the group meeting. When pressed, Kelly refused to say what had happened to cause the commotion in the session, telling her mother, it was a private matter for one of the girls and she did not feel it was her place to say.
They were listening to her mother's favorite local oldies rock station. When the song they were listening to ended, the local news update came on. Neither of them were paying much attention until the announcer said, "And a breaking story that has major consequences for the area. Jones Industries announced today that it was closing down all operations as a result of the current economic downturn. All 900 employees were given their final paychecks this afternoon. Jones Industries is a high-end manufacturer of luxury bath spas, and bathtub shells. According to a spokesman, the company had an exclusive agreement with hardware giant HardwareCentral, but as a result of the credit crunch, and drops in home construction, HardwareCentral cancelled its contract. Jones Industries had overleveraged itself in ramping up production capabilities based on the estimated volume to fill the contract. With the contract now voided, and no new markets, Jones has been forced to close its doors."
Kelly's mother said, "oh my god. Half the community worked there."
"What is that going to mean?"
"I don't know honey. It will mean some tough times for a lot of people in town. We already had a number of people having trouble, and adding 900 more people looking for work… It just is not a good situation. Unemployment will help for a while, but eventually it will run out. I suspect people are going to have to look elsewhere for work."
"John's father works for Jones, so does Meghan's."
"I know. John's Mom has a good job though, so they may be ok. Meghan's mom hasn't found a job since they moved here over the summer. Now her dad is going to be out of work, that's not good."
They pulled into the driveway, and headed into the house.
Later that evening, Kelly was sitting in the family room with her friends.
Meghan said, "I don't know what we are going to do. Dad was out of work for quite a while before he got the job with Jones. We had to live with my grandparents. Unemployment will help for a little while, but it only goes so far. There just aren't any jobs around here, Mom has been looking and hasn't even been able to get an interview."
John said, "Thank God that mom is doing ok, at least for now."
Sue gave John a hug and said, "I'm sure it will work out."
Kathy said, "All of those people. You know you hear about it, how many people are losing their jobs around the country, but it is hard to really get your head around. I can't even imagine what it is going to be like around here."
Meghan said, "Mom and dad are already talking about moving back in with my grandparents again. Dad says that paying the rent on the house, just doesn't make sense when he could be out for a very long time."
Kelly said, "But that would mean you would move away. What about school?"
"I guess I would have to transfer. I don't want to, I really like Jefferson. It's a much better school system here." Meghan shook her head, but then she said, "Look, can we not talk about it anymore. Let's put the movie on and have a good time. Ok?"
Everyone nodded in agreement. They turned down the lights and put on the movie. Julie and Kelly snuggled next to each other and settled in to watch the movie.
The next morning, Kelly and her mother were sitting in the kitchen having breakfast. Kelly said, "Mom, Meghan says that her parents are talking about moving back in with her grandparents."
"I think there is going to be a lot of that kind of thing."
"She is going to have to transfer out of our school."
"They would move before the school year ended?"
"Probably. Her mom hasn't even been able to get an interview the whole time they have been here. They don't think that they are going to be able to get work and they don't think it makes sense to keep paying rent, they are going to need every penny."
"That's too bad. Meghan is really nice and she seems to be doing so well at Jefferson."
"She is. You know she is in the advanced program here. She says they don't have anything like it at the school back where her grandparents live. She is really disappointed about it."
"I didn’t know that, but it doesn't surprise me. What a waste, for her to have to give that up."
"I was thinking the same thing. Mom, couldn't she stay with us? Is there any way that we could have her live here and at least finish out this year?"
"I doubt that her parents would want to leave her here."
"We could ask."
"Kelly, 900 people lost their jobs yesterday, we can't take all of them in."
"I know mom, I just… Meghan has been such a good friend to me and she works so hard. I…"
"Let me discuss it with your dad."
Chapter 14
At school the next day, Kelly pulled Meghan aside and said, "Can I talk to you, in private?"
"Sure."
"I spoke with my parents last night."
"Yeah?"
"I know how hard you have been working and that you are pretty upset that you might have to transfer schools."
Meghan frowned, "I don't think I have a whole lot of choice. They are pretty much resigned to needing to do it. They are going to lose the security deposit, but we just don't have much in savings. We need to keep our expenses down to a minimum."
"Would you be interested in staying with us?"
Meghan said, "What do you mean? We may not have everything your family has, but we are a family and we stick together!" She started to turn away.
Kelly said, "Meghan, please wait. I don't think you understand. Your family is great. I love your parents, they have been very nice to me and they clearly love you and take very good care of you. It is certainly not their fault that the economy is where it is; it is just unfortunate that they have gotten caught up in it. People everywhere are struggling. But I also know that you are doing so well in the advanced program and that it is just plain not fair for you to have to give it up. You have worked so hard at it and are doing so well. It just isn't fair!"
Meghan turned back and said, "You're angry."
"Damn right I'm angry. You are one of my best friends! It's really not fair. Look, we aren't trying to replace your family; we could never do that. I'm not suggesting that you abandon your family or anything like that. If it was just a matter of switching schools and you were going to go to a similar program there, I would miss you, but understand. But I know how important it was to you to get into this program and this is the only way I can think of that can let you stay in the program. At least think about it. Talk to your parents and see what they think. It might make it easier for them, because they won't have to worry about having to pull you out of the program."
"That was really bothering them. Ok, I'll think about it and talk about it with them. Thanks, I'm sorry for getting angry at you; I should have realized you were just being a good friend."
Kelly reached over and gave her a quick hug, and said, "It’s ok. I probably could have phrased it better from the start."
Written by Kristine Roland
Edited by Joni W
Part 6 - This is the Sequel to Jason's Story.
Meghan moves in and Kelly and her friends help out at a "soup" kitchen.
Author's Note: My sincere thanks to Joni W for all her efforts!
Chapter 15
Kelly handed a box up to John, who was in the moving truck with Meghan's father. She looked back at the house and her friends all here to help Meghan's family on moving day. It was now late April, what would be a pleasant spring day, if not for the task at hand.
A lot of discussion between Meghan, her parents and the Andersons, had taken place in the past couple of months. The job situation in the area had just continued to deteriorate and Meghan's family had to make the tough decisions about moving back in with her grandparents. In the end, her parents decided that it was in Meghan's best interest to stay with the Anderson's, to take advantage of the opportunities at Jefferson.
Kelly thought wryly about how the biggest sticking point came to Meghan's parent's insistence, that they would have to pay for her room and board. Her own parents said that, that was silly, the room was empty, and how much could Meghan eat. In the end, they had compromised and it was decided that they would send fifty dollars a week to the Andersons towards the groceries bill.
Once that was settled, it was just a matter of getting proper release forms signed and notarized, so that in case of an emergency the Anderson's could get Meghan medical treatment. Meghan was now covered by the states Family Care, health care program.
Kelly looked up and down the street, she shook her head at all of the real estate signs. Many of them, like Meghan's house, had "For Rent" signs; several had signs indicating the homes were in foreclosure. She just shook her head and said a silent prayer that things would turn around soon. She knew that there were huge debates going on at the federal level, on how to best stabilize the economy, but it was just more then she could grasp. Listening to the news and hearing arguments from both parties, she sometimes wondered if anyone really put the face of families, like Meghan's, to the problem. It seemed too overwhelming to her at that scale.
She shook her head, and got back to work.
Later that evening, Kelly sat with Meghan in the former guest bedroom, which was now Meghan's room. They were both in their nightgowns and bathrobes; they left the door wide open.
"You ok, Meghan? I know it was hard to say goodbye today."
"I'll be fine. It's not the first time I've been away from them. I went to a sleep away camp, one summer. I think the problem is that we really don't know how long this will be. Certainly till the end of the school year, but if nothing has changed, I'll be back here next year too."
"That is too much to worry about right now. They are not so far away that you can't see them if you need too. It's just a couple of hours drive. They will be coming to see you at least once a month. And your grandmother has Internet, so you can Skype them with the webcam or telephone every night."
"Oh, I know that, Kelly. I'm just sad that this had to happen. Dad was so excited when he got that job at Jones, and we could finally start to get back on our feet. He is really depressed right now. I'm worried about him."
Kelly put her arm around Meghan's shoulder and pulled her close, letting her just cry on her shoulder. Kelly's mom walked by and Kelly made eye contact with her and mouthed, "Please, not now."
Kelly saw in her mother's eyes and face, the look of concern and empathy for Meghan, but she nodded her head in acknowledgement then backed away. Kelly turned her attention back to Meghan and just continued to hold her tight.
When she finally began to quiet down, Kelly said, "Shh… It's going to be fine. Your dad is going to be ok."
Meghan sniffled and said, "I know and Lord knows, there are people that are worse off, that don't have family they can fall back on, I just… it just isn't fair. Daddy works so hard."
"Yes, he does. This thing is going to turn around; you wait and see. In the meantime, you and I are going to do everything we can to help those that are struggling. Minister Goodman mentioned last week, that they need help; he is going to use the fellowship hall and the kitchens, to provide hot meals to the needy. He asked for volunteers to work with serving, cleaning, and collecting donations of food. I already volunteered and you would be very welcome."
"But I don't go to your church?"
"You don't have to. Minister Goodman won't care and he won't proselytize to you, believe me. He will appreciate your help. Julie has already agreed to help too. I plan on asking the whole gang."
"Ok… I think that is a great idea. Thanks Kelly."
They sat together neither one saying anything for a long time. Meghan broke the silence first, "Kelly, how do you do it?"
"What?"
"You are so… I don't know, supportive. I never knew you as … well, as you were before. I've only known you as Kelly. But from the day I met you, you have been subject to some pretty intense stuff, from Courtney to Brad, to the nonsense with the news. That doesn't even bring up your blasted Aunt and cousin, and their minister. Yet, you never seem to let any of that faze you, you don't even hate them for it. Some of the people you will be helping are the same people that called and left hate messages on your answering machine and you don't care. And here I am, why, because you cared enough to make it happen. I don't think that I could be that forgiving."
"Meghan, believe me, it fazes me. You did not see what I was like the night that we first heard that I was being trounced on national TV. I was really even more upset after the BNN response; I had to have an emergency visit with my doctor that day. But for all of those things, I have been blessed to have parents that have stood by me, as well as my grandparents and my other relatives. I have Julie and all of you as friends. That is what gives me the strength to get through every day. I know that some of the people, that I will be helping, will not approve of me, and will probably resent that I am there. I can't help that, but maybe a few of them will look differently upon me as a result. I can only hope. As for you, you’re my friend. You stood up for me the first day of school, when you had no reason to, other than that you saw someone being mean. You could have kept quiet and not said anything; no one would have thought less of you for it, but you didn't. How could I sit back and not help any way I could."
Meghan said, "I know you told me you weren't trying to replace my family and you were right, because no-one is going to replace my parents. But I don't have any brothers or sisters, or at least I didn't, I do now. So what are you, five days older then I am? How's it feel to be a big sister?"
Kelly laughed and said, "It feels good. Come on little sis, let's go watch a movie, cause I won't get any sleep now."
"That sounds good to me."
Chapter 16
Kelly looked out at the tables set up in the fellowship hall. She and her friends were all helping out several nights a week and as word had gotten around, the number of people showing up for dinner every night was growing.
Several of the other area religious institutions had come together and decided it was better to work together then to have separate efforts. Minister Goodman, having started the project and also having the building with the largest capacity, continued to host the meals, but was more than happy to accept the help from the other area churches, synagogues and mosques.
The area grocery stores all had donation boxes setup for people, to drop non-perishable foods into. Many of the local business had canisters out for loose change to help and the local restaurants were donating the food that was not sold each night that was perfectly edible, but could not be sold the next night. Kelly was proud of how her community was coming together to help.
"Miss… May I have some of those potatoes?" An older gentleman said to Kelly.
"Oh, certainly sir, I'm sorry." Kelly spooned a portion of mashed potatoes unto the man's plate. "Gravy?" The man nodded, and Kelly took the ladle and poured brown gravy on the potatoes. "There you go."
"Thank you, Miss."
"You're welcome sir."
"Oh… Missy. Can I have some potatoes, Missy… Miss, my ass," a boy about Kelly's age said.
"Randell Moran," Kelly said, with a frown, but she served him his potatoes.
"Don't forget the gravy, missy."
"Here." Kelly poured the gravy on his potatoes.
"Excuse me, Mr. Moran. I believe you owe Miss Anderson an apology." Minister Goodman said from behind Randell.
"No way, I won't say sorry to it," Randell said.
"Mr. Moran, this is a church building. Miss Anderson is here helping in our mission and I will not have her spoken to in such a way, now you will apologize, or you may take your meal and leave. I won't withhold food from you, but you will not be welcome here, if you cannot be civil."
"Randell, tell him you're sorry," Randell's mother said, pointing at Kelly.
"That's enough. Mrs. Moran, I will not permit such behavior in our church. Meghan, please bring out some containers for the Moran's dinner, they will be taking them with them. Mrs. Moran, when you and your family are prepared to be civil you may return. In the meantime, here is the location of an alternative program."
"Minister… that isn't necessary. I'm sorry that they feel that way about me, but I'm not here to be a distraction. They need the church's help, or they would not be here. Whether you want it or not Randell, or you too Mrs. Moran, I forgive you, and I will pray for you."
Minister Goodman started to say something, but looking into Kelly's eyes, he saw her pleading him to back down.
The Moran's, took their plates and went to sit down, but Kelly saw Mrs. Moran look back at her, with a puzzled expression. When she saw that Kelly was looking at her she quickly turned away.
"Meghan, please take over for Kelly. Kelly, come with me please."
Meghan took the spoon from Kelly, and Kelly followed Minister Goodman to his office.
"I'm sorry sir. I came here to help, not to be a distraction."
"Kelly, I'm not mad at you, heaven's no! I just want to make sure you are alright. You should not have to put up with that kind of thing here."
"No sir, but they need the help. It's hard enough for some people to admit they need the help, but then to have to accept it from someone that they thoroughly disapprove of, can make it even harder. That is not why I'm here."
"Maybe not, but I for one hope that you will open some minds as a side result. But you are right to point out that we have a mission to help and that has to come first. Just don't be surprised if you become the focal point of one of my sermons, about tolerance, love and acceptance." He laughed at the look of horror on Kelly's face. "Don't worry, I won't embarrass you that way," he laughed even harder at the look of relief. "Go on, back to work with you."
Kelly went on back, to help out. The doors had closed, and they were starting to clean up the serving line. Kelly chipped in and helped with the cleaning. After the last of the guests had left, she helped with cleaning the tables and folding them up to be put away; so that the hall could be used in the morning as a gymnasium for the preschool.
Once the tables were folded up and put away; the floors needed to be mopped. Kelly lifted a bucket into the sink in the kitchen to fill with water. As she struggled to lift the now full bucket out of the sink, Cliff Mccullough came over and said, "Here, Kelly. Let me get that for you."
Cliff reached around Kelly and grabbed the bucket, brushing up against her as he did so. "Uh, thanks." Kelly said, as she moved out of his way. Cliff easily lifted the heavy bucket and Kelly noticed for the first time how handsome and strong he was.
Cliff put the bucket down into its wheeled base and made sure it locked in tight and then he turned to Kelly and said, "There you go."
"Thanks."
"Kelly…" Cliff blushed.
"Yes, Cliff."
"I just wanted to say… Look, I'm sorry for what Randell said to you earlier. He can be a bit of a jerk sometimes."
"It's hardly your fault, Cliff. You have never been anything but polite to me."
"um… yeah, I know… Look Kelly, I know that you and Julie are together, so please don't take this the wrong way, but… I just wanted to tell you that I think you are… well one of the prettiest girls at Jefferson. I think Julie is awful lucky to have you as a girlfriend."
Kelly felt her stomach do a summersault, and said, "Oh… well, um… Thanks."
Cliff blushed and went off to finish what he was working on.
Later that night at home, Meghan cornered Kelly. "So what was all that with Cliff?"
"It was nothing," Kelly said.
"Was nothing… it sure looked like something to me."
"We just talked for a minute." Kelly said.
"Uh huh… I saw the expression on your face. I'm glad Julie wasn't there."
"Oh… it was nothing. I'm in love with Julie. I was just startled."
"Was that when he reached around you, or when he told you that you were the prettiest girl at Jefferson?"
"Come on Meghan. Ok, I was startled, because I was surprised when I realized I was actually seeing him as handsome. I've never felt that way about a guy before. But it does not change how I feel about Julie. I'm sure she has seen some guys and thought they were handsome."
"Sure, she has and I'm sure she did even before you met her, but this is new for you. What do you think it means?"
"Nothing, I'm a girl; there is nothing wrong with me noticing a boy is cute."
"Oh, now he is cute…"
"Well, isn't he?" Kelly said with exasperation.
"Ok, yes he is."
"So, what's the problem? I didn't kiss him or anything."
"Did you think about it?"
"No… well… only for a second. Look I told you I love Julie. Cliff is a nice guy, and he is cute. And he knows who I am and I guess he is interested, but he knows I'm with Julie. Nothing happened, and it's not going too!"
"Good."
"Good," Kelly asked?
"Well first of all, I would have to be mad at you if you were going to cheat on Julie, and second of all, he is cute, and if you aren't going to do anything with him, he is fair game for me." Meghan smiled.
"Oh…" Kelly fought the feeling of jealousy and said, "Of course… go for it."
Meghan, "Oh, do you have some thinking to do, Sis. I saw that look."
"Meghan… It's fine. I just wasn't really expecting this to ever come up. I am very happy with Julie, and if you can get Cliff to open his eyes and see that you are far prettier then I am, I'll applaud and be happy for you both. I promise. I'll even help if I can."
"Well… if you are sure?"
"I'm sure."
The two of them spent the rest of the evening plotting out Meghan's assault on Cliff, and by the end of it, Kelly was feeling much better about things and was hoping that Meghan would succeed.
Written by Kristine Roland
Edited by Joni W
Part 7 - This is the Sequel to Jason's Story.
Kelly hosts a slumber party then goes to the town Memorial Day picnic.
Author's Note: My sincere thanks to Joni W for all her efforts!
Special thanks to Jennifer Brock for assistance with some plot points.
Chapter 17
Kelly answered the door as the first of her slumber party guests arrived. Deb from the TransTeen Group was standing on the front steps holding onto a small duffle bag. Her mother was standing next to her. "Hello Deb, I'm so glad you could come."
Deb and her mother came in, Kelly's mother greeted them and she and Deb's Mom headed into the living room.
Deb said, "My pleasure, this was a great idea. You have a very nice house."
"Thank you. Come on, we’re going to be downstairs. Let me introduce you to Meghan."
Kelly led Deb down to the family room. "Meghan, this is Deb. Deb, this is Meghan."
"Hi Meghan, it's a pleasure to meet you. Kelly has told me a lot about you. How are things working out staying here?"
"Hi Deb, Kelly has told me quite a bit about you too. She looks up to you, thinks you really have it together. I miss my folks, but the Anderson's have really been great. It’s kind of cool having a big sister," Meghan said and gave Kelly a smile.
"I'm having fun too, lil sis." Kelly returned the smile.
The doorbell rang again, and Kelly said, "Let me go get the door. Deb help yourself, Meghan will show you what we have."
Kelly went and answered the door and let Julie, Kathy and Sue in, then following right behind, came Carol and her mother. Kelly asked Julie to take Carol and the others down to the family room. She brought Carol's mother to the living room.
It was not too long before Joan and Samantha also showed up; they went downstairs; dropped their duffle bags in the corner with the other girl's things and the party was able to get started.
Each of the TransTeen girl's mom's had stopped in and met with Kelly's mom before heading out. Joan's mom in particular was hesitant about leaving Joan; especially with the presence of Kelly's local girlfriends, but in the end she relented and told Joan to have fun.
Kelly said, "Alright gang, I'm so glad you could all make it. I hope we are all going to have a lot of fun tonight. I have a treat in store for you, my Aunt's friend Michele, who runs a salon, is coming to give us all makeovers. "
Kathy immediately said, "Cool! She's great!"
Julie, Meghan and Sue agreed and Kelly's group of friends smiled in anticipation.
Kelly smiled, "Yes she is. We also have a bunch of movies to pick from. We have pizza coming a little bit later on. Mom did lay down some ground rules, so let's get that out of the way. Most of them are pretty obvious, like the standard no drinking, no drugs and no smoking. In light of our special circumstances, there will be two rooms for changing, later and as you were instructed, she is insisting that we wear pajama's, no sexy nightgowns. We are going to be leaving a light on; we need to sleep in our sleeping bags; and expect random spot checks during the night. I think frankly, that was aimed at Julie and me, as much as anyone."
Julie blushed, and said, "We can still cuddle up next to each other, safely ensconced in our sleeping bags."
It was Kelly's turn to blush and say, "Yes, I suppose we can. Any questions? … Good that is done with then."
While Kelly's mother was paying the pizza delivery guy for the pizzas, Michele came in with her makeover kit. They set the pizzas in the dining room and they each grabbed a slice; then looked on as Michele set up in the kitchen. She placed a business card holder on the table that had a little placard that read, "Makeover's by Michele."
"Ok, who wants to go first?" Michele asked.
Kathy raised her hand and practically jumped out of her chair.
Michele laughed and said, "Ok, Kathy. I have some new products you might like, assuming you are tired of the old ones already!"
Kathy blushed, "Oh you know me Michele, I'm always looking for a new look."
Kathy sat in the chair and Michele wrapped a cape around her to protect her clothes. The girls all looked on and watched with fascination as Michele cleaned away Kathy's current makeup and then began building a new look. When she was done, Kathy looked on and said, "Michele, you really are incredible. Too bad Steve isn't here tonight." Michele wrote down the names of what she had used and gave it to Kathy.
"Who's next?"
One by one they all took their turns with Michele. When it was Carol's turn, Carol blushed and said, "I don't know. I know you know that I'm not really a girl Michele and since I'm sure you know about Kelly that probably doesn't bother you, but I know that I just look like a boy in a dress. Not much to work with."
Kelly spoke up, "Carol, before I had Michele help me the first time, I looked like a boy in a dress. Michele has lots of practice with girls like us. And yes, Julie, Kathy, Meghan and Sue might be easier for her to work with, but believe me, she knows what she is doing."
Michele added, "We all had to start somewhere, Carol. Years ago, I was just like you, but I didn't have a support group like you do. I can't tell you how much it pleases me to see you girls and know that things have begun to change; that groups like yours exist and that a party like this could be happening."
Carol, Samantha and Joan both looked at Michele with a wide open mouth. "You are … "
Michele smiled, "Yes, I am. You are all so brave and lucky to have each other. These friends of Kelly's are so special as well. Now, would you like to see what we can do for you?"
Carol bolted into the chair.
Michele took her time and first worked on her face, explaining what she was doing and why, for each step of the way. When she finished with her face she said, “Ok, now we need to do something with the hair.” As she had done for Kelly, she made little cuts here and there, making sure that Carol would not have a problem when she was in her boy mode. She used hair extensions to add length and give her more to work from. When she was finished, Carol was in awe.
"Where is the boy in a dress? I don't see him at all."
Joan was next and hopped eagerly into the hot seat. Once again, Michele took her time and when she was done with Joan, she was just amazed.
When they all had their turn, they enthusiastically thanked her. Michele gave them each a small kit made up of the things she had used on them. For Carol and Joan she also told them the hair extensions were theirs to keep.
After Michele left, the girls headed down into the family room, and they decided to watch When Harry Met Sally.
Kathy said, "Ok, I hope I won't offend any of you, but I have to ask. Are you all attracted to girls like Kelly is, or are some of you attracted to boys?"
Deb answered, "It's a mix, just as it is with born girls. I am attracted to girls."
Samantha said, "Not me. I like boys."
Carol said, "I kinda think boys are cute."
Joan said, "Well… I am definitely attracted to girls, but I am also jealous of them. I rarely get to be Joan; tonight was a big exception, normally I’m only allowed to dress at the group meetings. Mom only allowed it this time, because she was considering this to be an extension of the group."
Sue asked, "Have any of you dated a boy and did they know about you?"
Samantha said, "I have dated a few. Some knew; some didn't. I don't go around telling people about that. I wouldn't let anything get serious with a guy without him knowing, but a simple date is not a reason for me to go into major confession mode. I'm not ready for anything serious enough now, where it would put me in a position where I needed to tell him."
Kathy asked, "Have any of the boys you dated ever found out later?"
"I don't think so. Those were all summer vacation kind of dates, you know, spend some time, but you know once the vacation is over you aren't going to see them again."
"Well you know my preferences," Kelly said, as she smiled at Julie and held her hand.
Meghan coughed.
Samantha caught the look and said, "Oh … sounds like someone is not being entirely forthcoming … spill girl!"
Julie gave Meghan the evil eye.
Kelly blushed, "Well … recently, I had a guy tell me that I was one of the prettiest girls at school, even though he knew about me. He said that Julie was really lucky to have me, and well, I noticed how strong he was and that he was cute. I was pretty surprised, because it was the first time I ever noticed a boy that way."
Julie said, "Meghan's just jealous, because it’s a boy that she is interested in." Julie stuck her tongue out at Meghan, but then she laughed.
Kelly said, "Well he is cute, I can't deny it, but really I am very happy with Julie and have no desire to switch teams."
Julie said, "Seriously though, Meghan how is 'the plan' coming along. Haven't you got Cliff wrapped around your finger yet?"
Meghan smiled, "It's a work in progress, but I think I'm getting there. He asked me to the movies tomorrow night."
"You go girl," Julie said with a smile.
Carol said, "Mom would never allow it. I'm in a similar situation to Joan, except that since my Dad left, I have been able to be Carol at home. At least I will, unless the court gives him custody."
Kelly said, "What is happening with that?"
Carol said, "It's not going well. We had a number of experts telling him why I should be allowed time as Carol, but my Dad's lawyers got those two doctors that Firefly had on, to rebut their testimony. It looked to me like the judge was agreeing with them. Mom is really worried, and so am I."
Sue asked, "What will happen if he rules with your father?"
Carol said, "Then I will have to go live with him. He will put me into a program with those two doctors to try to 'cure' me. I'm not as worried about that as what he will do; I know that there is no way they are going to cure me. I AM a girl and nothing they can do will change that!"
Kathy said, "What will he do?"
"Depends on how drunk he is. He tried to beat my mother and me, the night he left."
Sue said, "Surely they won't put you back with him if he would hurt you?"
Deb answered, "Unfortunately, they might. There was no evidence of physical harm and they may convince the judge that it was a false accusation, designed to keep custody away from her father."
Julie, "Carol is old enough that she should have some say in where she goes."
Deb shook her head with a sad smile, "Except if the judge rules that the treatment that is allowing Carol to be Carol, is harmful to her and that the proper treatment is with the other doctors, then he will discount Carol's wishes."
They all sat quietly for a little while, until Carol finally said, "Look… no sense worrying about it tonight. I came to have a good time and to just relax and be Carol. So, I know one other thing that is supposed to happen at a slumber party…" Carol grabbed a pillow and hit Samantha over the head with it shouting, "Pillow fight!"
The girls all squealed and dove for their own pillows. Soon all out pillow warfare was commencing as they would temporarily team up together, only to betray each other with a pillow in the back. Finally they all fell down exhausted, but laughing.
Mrs. Anderson came down and said, "Well … nobody seems to be too badly injured… and the basement is still in one piece … I don't suppose anyone wants some late night ice cream?"
All the girls jumped up and said, "I'll have some!"
They all gathered round the table and Mrs. Anderson had put out several different kinds of ice cream, as well as different kinds of Sundae fixins. They each made their own and then settled down together in front of the movie.
The rest of the evening they spent laughing, crying and just being a group of girls letting their hair down.
When they were settling down for the night, Kathy said, "You know, when Kelly invited me to come tonight I was a little unsure as to what to expect. I want you all to know this was great and I think you are a great group of girls. I hope we can do this again soon."
The next morning Joan's mother had come to pick her up, Joan pulled Kelly aside and said, "Thanks for inviting me, Kelly. I have never in my life felt more alive than I did last night. It was great to just be myself for an evening and have everyone just accept me. Your friends from school … it was wonderful."
Joan gave Kelly a hug and then left with her mother.
One by one, the group girl's mothers came to pick them up. Each of them thanked Kelly and her parents, for a great evening. When they had all left, Kathy and Sue also said their goodbyes, leaving Julie and Meghan to stay and help Kelly to clean the disaster area that was known as the family room.
Meghan said, "What do you think is going to happen to Carol?"
Kelly said, "I don't know. I'm worried for her though. Whatever happens, I'll just have to be there for her."
Meghan and Julie smiled, "You mean we will all have to be there for her."
Kelly smiled back at them and said, "Thanks."
Chapter 18
Memorial Day weekend, the county had always had a big joint picnic. It was usually a big fund raising event and the proceeds paid for a number of things throughout the year. This year there was some discussion about cancelling the picnic due to the economic situation.
Once again the community pulled together and this year, instead of being a fundraiser, everything was free. Local businesses supplied the hot dogs, soda and beer. Those that could afford it, were asked to donate other food items, or money to the picnic.
There were races, ball games and the evening dance planned. There was usually a big fireworks display and that had been expected to be skipped this year, except an anonymous donor had arranged for a shipment of fireworks to be delivered to the fire house, fully paid the week before. So the fireworks were back on the schedule.
Kelly was there as part of the school choir. They would be singing the National Anthem to start the festivities. As always, they were dogged by the ever present stragglers from her Aunt's church, protesting her presence. The local police kept them back however and did not allow them to disrupt the proceedings.
Kelly sat up on the raised platform, with the choir, after they had finished singing. The mayor of her town spoke briefly and then invited a representative from the VFW to speak, to honor those that had given their lives in service to the country.
After the speeches the choir sang America the Beautiful and the picnic was officially open.
Kelly's cousin, Billy, was with his mother and his brother, with the other protestors from their church. They had stood, waved signs and made a lot of noise, until the choir began singing, but Reverend Triphard had told them, that even with his cousin singing, they should show their respect for the flag and country. So they had stopped to face the flag and salute it during the song.
Billy still did not understand what the big deal was. So Jason was dressed like a girl, it was silly, but Jason always liked to be silly. It was fun. He missed playing with Jason.
Billy saw his Cousin Emily standing by his Aunt Sally. He missed her too. She looked over at him and waved. He waved back. His mom and brother were not paying attention to him, so he decided to go stand with Emily. He saw that his Aunt Sally was busy talking to another lady and had said something sharp to Emily when she tried to interrupt.
He started towards Emily and Emily started towards him, they met in the middle.
Billy said, "Hi Emily. I've missed you."
Emily said, "I've missed you too, Billy."
"Do you know why my Mom is so upset with Jason?"
"She is not called Jason anymore, her name is Kelly now."
"Why? Mom says that Jason is a boy and that he should stay a boy."
"I'm not sure. I miss Jason sometimes, but Kelly is great too. My mom says that Aunt Jessica doesn't understand and that this was something Kelly had to do. She says that until Aunt Jessica changes her mind, we won't be able to see you."
Billy said, "I know. Look, let's hide from them, so we can play for a while."
Emily got a smile, "Ok."
They took each other's hand and ran over towards the woods.
After the speeches were over and the choir finished singing, Jessica turned to Tom and noticed that he was not holding Billy's hand. "Where's Billy?"
Tom said, "He was right here a minute ago …"
They looked around and called out, "Billy!"
No one answered.
Jessica started to get worried, shouted, "Billy!"
Again no one answered.
Tom said, "Mom, there is Aunt Sally. Maybe Billy saw her and went to her. You know he has been upset about not getting to play with Emily."
"I'll tan his hide if he went over to them," Jessica said, as she marched over to Sally and said, "What have you done with Billy."
Sally looked at her and said, "What do you mean. I haven't seen Billy. Emily, have you seen Billy?" She turned behind her and realized that Emily was not sitting on the bench behind her. "Emily … EMILY where are you?"
The little girl that Emily had been playing with said, "Ma'am. Emily said she had to say hi to her cousin. She tried to tell you, but you were busy talking to my Mom. She went over there and then they went that way into the woods."
"What?" Sally and Jessica said at once, and they both ran over to where the girl had pointed.
"Emily!"
"Billy!"
"Come on you two, this isn't funny. Come here now!"
They searched but did not see any sign of them.
Sally said, "Jessica … we are going to need help. They could have gone anywhere in here, or they could have been followed in. Tom, go find your Uncle Richard or Aunt Kristine, tell them what has happened, that we need to get a search party together. They will get Officer Dowling."
Jessica said, "Not them!"
"Damn it, Jessica! It’s time to put this stupid feud behind us, at least for now. Tom --- go!"
Written by Kristine Roland
Edited by Joni W
Part 8 - This is the Sequel to Jason's Story.
Kelly and Tom go searching for Emily and Billy, lost in the woods.
Author's Note: My sincere thanks to Joni W for all her efforts!
Special thanks to Jennifer Brock and Pippa K for assistance with some plot points.
Chapter 19
Billy chased after Emily who was shouting, "Run, run, fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"
Emily made sure to not get too far ahead and when Billy would get close she would move on again laughing. As Billy got closer, Emily turned to run on again and her foot caught on a branch and she went down in a crash, crying out, first in surprise then in pain.
Billy caught up to her and said, "Emily, you ok?"
Emily was holding her ankle, crying. She had scraped her hands, and elbows, but her ankle was badly sprained.
"Emily?" Billy sat next to her, not sure of what to do. "Want me to get your Mom?"
Emily said, "Yes!"
Billy got up and looked around and said, "Which way do I go?"
Emily looked around and said through her tears, "I don't know."
Emily stopped crying as she tried to remember which way they had come. She tried to stand, but quickly cried out in pain, and fell down again. "Ow!"
Billy started to cry.
Emily wincing said, "Billy, we'll be ok. Come on don't cry."
"I want my mommy. I wanna go back!"
"I do too, Billy. But I can't walk and we don't know how to get back. We need to wait here for someone to find us."
"No, I wanna go back now!"
"Billy, do you remember my daddy?"
"Kind of."
"I used to go hiking with him and mommy and we even went camping once."
"So?"
"He used to tell me if I ever got lost in the woods that I should hug a tree and wait. That if I kept wandering, I would make it harder for them to find me. So we need to hug this tree and wait. So come sit down and we will play some games right here."
When Billy had sat down next to her, Emily used a twig to draw a Tic-Tac-Toe board in the dirt. She said, "You go first."
Tom ran out of the woods and went looking for his Aunt Kristine or Uncle Richard. It took him a few minutes, but then he saw them. He ran over to them and said, "Aunt Kristine!"
Kelly's mother said coolly, "What do you want, Tom?"
Out of breath Tom said, "Billy and Emily snuck off together into the woods, and we can't find them. Aunt Sally sent me to find you or Uncle Richard to ask you to get your friend Officer Dowling."
Richard said, "How long have they been gone?"
Tom said, "Not sure. Sometime during the Mayor's speech."
Richard looked at his watch and said, "That's at least forty five minutes, maybe longer. Shit they could be pretty deep in the woods at this point. I'll call Tim."
Richard got out his cell phone and dialed, "Hi Tim… Richard Anderson here... No, Kelly is fine. But my niece and nephew are missing. They supposedly went into the woods and my sisters can't find them. We think it's been about forty five minutes. Thanks."
Kelly, his mother and Tom looked at him, and he said, "Ok… Tim is calling it in. He said he would meet us in about half an hour. Tom, show us where they went in."
Tom lead them to the spot in the woods where Billy and Emily had been seen entering. They could hear Sally and Jessica calling out the children's names just inside the woods.
Kelly said, "Mom, Dad… Let me go try to find them. I know these woods, I've been camping in them a bunch of times."
Kelly's mother said, "I don't know if that is a great idea, what if you get lost too."
"Kristine, Kelly has been in these woods plenty of times. She knows them, and the sooner we find them the better. The camping gear is in the trunk of the car; grab the first aid kit, the walkie-talkies, compass and the water bottle. And grab a buddy to go in with you."
Tom said, "I'll go with him."
Kelly's mom and dad both started to correct him, but Kelly beat them to it saying "Tom, do I look like a him anymore? I am a girl, my name is Kelly. If you want to come with me, fine, I know you are just as worried about Billy and Emily as I am. But you will treat me with respect, or you can wait here."
Kelly's parents glared at Tom, who quietly said, "Ok. Kelly."
Kelly ran and got the supplies, filled the water bottles, handing one to Tom and said, "Ready, Tom?"
Tom said, "Yeah I'm ready. Let's go."
They headed into the woods, Kelly said, "I think they would have followed this trail to start, it opens up a little ways in and that is where we will have to see what we find and try to decide which way to go."
They walked along the trail in silence. Kelly kept her eyes on the path in front of her, looking to see if she could make out any sign that her young cousins had passed this way. As she came to a muddy area, she put out her hand to stop Tom, and said, "Look… there, on that rock. That's a fairly small sneaker print. I can't tell for sure that it's them, but the mud is still wet, so it can't be too long ago."
Tom looked at Kelly and just said, "Who are you, Tonto?"
Kelly said, "No, I wish we had a real tracker, but we need to keep our eyes out, there are places where we will have to decide which way to go."
They continued to follow along the path. Every once in a while one of them would point out another small footprint. They soon came to an area where there was a bit of a clearing, and several different ways the kids could have gone. Unfortunately, it was very dry, so no obvious footprints to go by.
Tom said, "Ok, Kemo Sabe, what do we do now?"
Kelly stopped and looked around. She said, "Well, they came from there, if we assume they weren't really paying much attention to where they were going, they would probably have kept walking that way. They don't know where any of these go; I'd say they went that way."
Tom said, "Maybe we should split up… We could cover more ground."
Kelly said, "No… We need to stay together. We only have the one walkie-talkie; we would have no way to let the other know if we found them."
"I suppose you're right. Alright let's get going."
They followed the path that Kelly had picked, looking for any sign that they were on the right path. Kelly was the first to see a match-box car lying just off the side of the path. She picked it up, and saw in writing on the back, it said "Billy."
She said, "It certainly looks like we are on the right track. Here save this for Billy."
Tom said, "You found it, you should give it to him."
"I wouldn't want to be accused of trying to molest him," Kelly said, with a touch of anger in her voice.
Tom looked away and said, "Mom was wrong to say that."
"She was wrong… what about what you did? How could you do that to me, Tom?"
"I was trying to save you."
Kelly looked at him in disbelief. "Save me? How, by getting me killed?"
"No, it was supposed to make you renounce your sin and realize that you needed to accept what God has given you."
"Has it ever occurred to you that I have accepted what God has given me? God has given me this challenge and I accept it and will make the best of it."
"God doesn't make mistakes; you are a boy, because you are supposed to be a boy."
"I never said that God makes mistakes. He made me physically a boy, but he wired my brain as a girl. He gave me loving parents and family, that could help me to cope with that challenge. I have accepted the challenge and will take advantage of the other gifts that God has given me, such as the medicines that prevent my body becoming more masculine and some day to physically match my body up with my brain."
"Cross-dressing is a sin."
"Oh… on whose authority?"
"The Bible tells us so."
"Where?"
"Deuteronomy 22:5"
"Oh, yes, that's right… Of course Deuteronomy 22:11 prohibits the wearing of mixed fabrics… Isn't that a poly blend you are wearing right now? Oh, and Deuteronomy 22:12, where are your fringes? Last time I was at your house, I didn't see a railing around your roof. Deuteronomy is Mosaic Law, it is not moral law. Jesus fulfilled the law."
"Those things are different."
"Why, Tom? Because you do them? Because 'Everyone' does them? Maybe it's because gender and sex are intertwined? If God was so determined on it, why would he bury the only comment on cross-dressing in the whole Bible within a bunch of ceremonial laws? Face it Tom, you and your church are picking and choosing which things to condemn from a long laundry list? Why, because people like your Reverend Triphard need to focus hate on someone, and it is an easy target."
"What do you mean by that?"
"How's the collection plate been going since he started his crusade against me?"
"You take that back. Reverend Triphard is a representative of God; he isn't interested in money. Collections keep the church running!"
"I understand that collections are necessary for a church. You know I do, look at what our church is doing with the meal kitchen. Funny though, your church is the only one in the county that isn't taking part, either in our program or one of the others."
"How do you know that?"
"I heard Minister Goodman discussing it with one of the other church leaders."
"I'm sure there is a good reason."
"Sure there is. Look you know what; I didn't mean to get into an argument with you. I know what your beliefs are; I accept that. I was hurt more then you will ever know by what you and your Mom did to me, but I have forgiven you, whether you want me to or not. I know that in your way you were trying to do what was right, but I can't be what you want me to be, Tom. That is not going to happen, I AM Kelly, and Kelly is me."
"Why? What was so bad about being Jason? Why would you choose to…"
"Choose to what? Give up being male? Choose to be 'the weaker' sex, to get paid less for the same work, to be treated with less respect, to have people stare at my chest instead of talking to my face? It's not a choice Tom; this is who I am. It's who I have always been. Jason was the lie; I couldn't take another day of it. I guess in one way I owe you a thank you, if you had not sent that damned e-mail out, I would still be going to school as Jason."
"You say that you were always Kelly, but you were never effeminate. Ok, you didn't like football, which is questionable, but you were good at other sports. Baseball, soccer and you like hockey. Hell, you’re a better fisherman than I am. Until Emily came around, I never saw you playing with girl things. You're dating a girl, so you aren't even a fag. Bottom line is you are still male, under all of the makeup and clothes, you have a dick."
"Tom, do you have to be so crude? You don't know any girls that are good at sports or that like them, Tom? What century do you live in? Hell, my dad tells me your mother even liked to fish when she was younger. I know you will never understand this, hell it's hard for me to understand at times. Yes, I have a penis. Yes, I am attracted to girls as well, then again so are lots of other girls. Sexual attraction and gender identification are not the same; they are controlled by different parts of the brain. Growing up though, I knew what society wanted me to be and I tried, really tried, to be a boy, Tom. I can't say I absolutely hated being Jason, I didn't. I just never felt comfortable and I could not help but feel jealous and sometimes even bitter that I couldn't be a girl. When I finally got up the nerve to talk to my parents and actually got to be myself, well there was no going back."
"So you're going to have it cut off then? Self-mutilation?"
"I don't know yet what I'm going to do. I admit that having it surgically removed is scary. But if I do it, it won't be mutilation; it will be correcting an anatomical anomaly, like if I had an extra finger or something like that."
"An extra finger? It's hardly the same thing."
"Why, let's say I had an extra finger and it was perfectly functional, it might even be advantageous in some ways, would you have a problem with me having it removed?"
"No."
"Why, God doesn't make mistakes, I would have been meant to have that extra finger. It was useful at times, why would you think it was ok to have it removed?
"Because people would always look at you funny. You would have a heck of a time getting gloves for the winter, and you would just be trying to correct something that happened in the womb."
"Well Tom, that is what I am doing. Something happened in the womb, my brain got the signal to be wired as a girl, but my body didn't get the same message, so here I am with a deformity that makes it difficult for me to get the proper clothes and makes people look at me funny."
"You have a justification for everything, but you are deluding yourself."
"I could say the same to you. Look, we aren't going to agree on this Tom. If I'm wrong about it, then someday I may have to face God and be told that I was wrong. If so, I'm prepared to take responsibility for my actions, are you? Think about how Jesus treated people Tom, and ask yourself if your Reverend Triphard is emulating Jesus. I don't want to fight anymore Tom. I hate that you and your family have withdrawn from the family over this. It is especially unfair to Billy."
Tom started to respond, held back and looked thoughtful. Eventually he said, "I have to give that some thought, Kelly. Come on, let's go find them, and you give Billy his car."
"Fair enough."
Officer Dowling and several other officers met up with Kelly's parents, and her two Aunts. They had brought one of the K9 dogs, and asked if they had anything that Emily or Billy had worn recently. Sally gave them a sweater that Emily had worn earlier in the day, when the temperature had been cooler.
The officer let the dog smell the sweater until he got the scent, and began sniffing the ground and the bushes near the entrance to the woods. A few moments later he let out a yip, and began following the scent.
They followed after. Kelly's father took out his walkie-talkie and pressing the send button, "Kelly, come in?"
A few moments of static later, they heard Kelly respond, "Kelly here, we are still looking Dad, but we are on the right trail. Just found one of Billy's matchbox cars."
"Good, hopefully you will find them soon, but we are following along, the police have brought one of their tracking dogs."
"That's good, because we already had one spot where we were really not sure which way to go, and got a little lucky."
"Let us know if you find them."
"Will do. Kelly out."
Officer Dowling said, "We will find them. They clearly have a pretty good lead though, so lets keep moving."
With that they picked up the pace and headed on, following the dog.
Billy was crying. Emily was holding on to him, trying to keep from crying herself. Her ankle had swollen up and was throbbing in pain.
Through his tears, Billy said, "I'm thirsty! And I'm hungry. I wanna go home! I want my mommy!"
"Me too, Billy."
They sat there holding each other, Billy sobbing. Emily thought she heard something and said, "Did you hear that?"
Billy said, "No. I didn't hear nothin. I want my mommy!"
"Shhh… keep quiet a minute and listen."
Billy stopped and tried to listen, as did Emily. He was just about to start up again, when very faintly he heard someone shouting, "Billy! Emily!"
They both looked at each other and shouted, "We’re HERE!"
They both heard the response, a bit louder now, "Stay put, we are coming to you! It's Kelly and Tom."
Ten minutes later, they saw first Kelly then Tom come through one of the paths that led into the clearing they were in.
As soon as he saw them, Billy ran to them and said, "Jason! Tom!" Kelly kneeled down and grabbed him into a hug.
Kelly said, "Whoa Billy, it's going to be ok now. We have you." Kelly stood up and handed Billy over to Tom, then looking over at Emily she said, "Do you both know how scared your Mothers are? Emily, you know better than to go running off into the woods alone!"
Tom had also kneeled down to hug Billy, but now stood up and said sternly, "And so do you, Billy."
As they walked over to where Emily was still sitting by the tree, Emily said, "I know. We just wanted some time together. We haven't seen each other since his birthday last year."
Tom and Kelly both looked guilty about that.
Kelly saw Emily wince. "Emily, are you ok? What did you do?"
Emily started to cry, "I hurt my ankle." Now that she did not have to be strong and brave for Billy, she broke down and cried.
Kelly came over and looked at her ankle, "oh yeah… Tom, she is not going to be able to walk. Here is the walkie-talkie, let them know that we found them and that they’re ok. Emily either has a really bad sprain, or she may have broken her ankle."
Tom took the walkie-talkie.
Kelly got her water bottle and said, "Emily… here, you’re a bit dehydrated, have a little bit of water. Not too fast. Tom, Billy needs some water too." Tom handed her his water bottle, and she gave it to Billy.
Billy grabbed the bottle, took a drink and said, "I'm hungry."
Kelly said, "Billy, take small sips, you don't want to get sick." Kelly took a couple of candy bars out of her back pack and said, "Here, one for each of you. Next time you run off make sure you eat first."
They both took the candy and quickly ate it. Billy said, "Thank you, Jason. Can I have some more?"
Tom said, "Billy, you should call her Kelly now."
Kelly turned her head toward Tom in surprise and said, "Thank you, Tom." She then looked at Billy and said, "Billy, I am Kelly now. I'm sorry that things happened the way they did at the lake and we didn't get to go swimming together. Maybe someday your Mom will let us all get back together, but I have to respect her wishes. Just know that I have missed you very much."
Billy said, "I know that, Kelly. Mommy really was mad at you. She said you were sick. That we had to stay away from you. But you don't look sick to me, Jas.. I mean Kelly. I think you look nice."
Kelly smiled, gave Billy another hug and said, "Thank you Billy, now let me see what I can do about Emily's ankle." She turned to Emily and said, "Emily, I'm going to take your shoe off, we need to get that wrapped up." She took Emily's leg and carefully removed her shoe from the injured foot. She got out the first aid kit, found an ace bandage and an ice pack. "Emily, I know that this has got to hurt. While running off into the woods was definitely wrong, I am proud of you for keeping strong for Billy, you are getting to be a big girl." Kelly wrapped the ace bandage around Emily's ankle and then squeezed the ice pack to activate it. "Here, hold this on your ankle, it will help."
She then used some medical tape to secure it, making sure that it was not touching directly on her skin.
Tom said, "Ok… I let them know we found them. Is she going to be able to walk?"
Kelly said, "No, I don't think so."
Tom said, "Alright, I'll have to carry her then. At least until we meet up with the search crew. Help her onto my back. Emily, you are going to have to hold on, please." Kelly helped Emily unto Tom's back. Tom held her legs while Emily wrapped her arms around Tom's shoulders.
Kelly took Billy's hand and said, "Ok, come on, follow me. We will take it slow. Tom, let me know if you need a break."
Kelly led them back along the way they came. They stopped every now and then to give Tom a break. They soon met up with the searchers.
Emily and Billy both shouted, "Mommy!"
Tom knelt down and eased Emily down to the ground. Kelly walked Billy over to his Aunt Jessica and put Billy's hand into hers.
"Emily! You gave me such a scare!" Sally said.
Jessica said, "Billy, you too! What were you thinking?"
Then both mothers grabbed a hold of their children and hugged them tight. Sally said, "Kelly, Tom, thank you for finding them."
Tom, looking squarely at his mother said, "Kelly is the one that found them, I couldn't have done that on my own."
Jessica looked like she was eating worms, but she looked over at Kelly and said, "Thank you… Kelly."
Kelly said, "You're welcome."
One of the police officers knelt besides Emily and said, "This is a pretty bad sprain; it might even be broken. You did a good job on it, but we need to get this x-rayed as soon as we can."
Kelly's father picked up Emily and they all headed back towards the fair grounds. With the men taking turns carrying Emily, they were soon back. An ambulance was waiting and Emily was soon on the stretcher. Kelly, Tom and Billy gathered around the gurney, with their parents right behind.
Billy said, "Thank you Emily for taking care of me out there."
Kelly said, "You will be fine, Emily. If you need a cast, I can sign yours this time."
Emily smiled and said, "Thanks for finding us, Kelly. Thanks for carrying me out, Tom."
Tom said, "No problem, Em. I hope you feel better."
With that, the gurney with Emily was put into the ambulance, her mother was allowed to go along with them, and they were soon on their way to the hospital.
Kelly's parents told her Aunt Sally not to worry about the car, that they would take care of it and meet them at the hospital in a little while.
After the police had finished taking statements, they left; leaving Kelly and her parents standing there with her Aunt Jessica, Tom and Billy. They stood together, in an awkward silence.
Billy grabbed Kelly's hand and turned to his mother saying, "Mommy, You are wrong about Kelly. She is not sick and she IS a girl."
Reverend Triphard came over and shouted, "Get your hands off that child, you pervert! He is under the protection of God and he will strike you down if you don't let him go this instant."
Kelly glared at Reverend Triphard then turned to Billy and said, "Thank you Billy, but I don't want to cause you a problem with your Mother. You need to listen to her, she loves you and is just trying to do what she thinks is best for you."
Billy said, "No. She said you were a sinner and that you had spurned God, and that you are not a girl. That is why she won't let me see you, or Grandma and Grandpa, or Emily. It's not fair!"
Jessica said, "Billy, come here."
Billy said, "No!"
Kelly said, "Billy, you must do what your mother says." Kelly walked Billy to his Aunt Jessica, looked her directly in the eye and placed Billy's hand into hers.
Jessica said quietly, "Thank you, Kelly."
Reverend Triphard exploded, "THANK YOU, KELLY? Jessica, have you lost your mind. This abomination is not Kelly, its name is Jason and it is an abomination in the eyes of God. Billy is now on the path to hell, because of his exposure to this tool of Satan and now you are on the slopes as well. You must purge yourself and your family of these sins."
He closed in on Billy and grabbed him from Jessica and grabbed him by the shoulders, "You will Burn in the fiery depths of Hell, if you don't ask God for forgiveness. God hates sinners and he especially hates those that spurn his gifts. Do you want to burn boy?!"
Billy trembling shouted, "No! Let me go."
Reverend Triphard shook him harder, "Then beg for forgiveness! Renounce this creature, or you WILL Burn!"
Billy, crying said, "No, No… Let me go! No I don't want to burn." Triphard slapped Billy and Billy collapsed into hysterics as his bladder cuts loose from fear.
Kelly, her parents, Tom and Jessica had all been frozen in shock at the Reverends outburst. When she saw him slap Billy, something snapped in Jessica. She turned on Reverend Triphard, grabbed him and hit him hard across his face. "You bastard, leave my son alone! He is only five years old!"
Tom grabbed Reverend Triphard and spun him around, "keep your hands off of my brother!"
Kristine said, "What kind of monster are you? You are sick! It’s bad enough you have targeted Kelly for your hate preaching, but that was child abuse!"
Kelly went straight to Billy, and pulled him into her arms. "Shh… Billy, it will be ok, you will be fine."
Reverend Triphard said, "Tom, you understand? You have to understand."
Tom said, "I understand alright. I understand that you have lost it. I can't believe that I ever listened to you. Now get away from here, before I do something you will regret."
Tom shoved him away and then turned towards Billy. Billy was in Kelly's arms, his Aunt, Uncle and mother all trying to comfort him.
Jessica was holding Billy saying, "Billy, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. He is wrong, baby. God loves you, he would not treat his children that way."
Kelly mouthed to her mother, "Can you get Minister Goodman?"
Kristine said, "Jessica, come with us. Kelly, bring Billy."
Jessica nodded and followed along, Kelly got up and holding Billy in her arms, they went to where Minister Goodman had set up the church's food station for the picnic.
When they got there, Julie and Meghan who were helping, looked up and said, "What's going on?"
"Where is Minister Goodman?" Kristine asked.
"Here I am," he replied, "what is going on?"
When Richard told the Minister what had happened, he said angrily, "That is inexcusable. Kelly, can you bring him over here, where it is a little private. Jessica, Tom, I'm Minister Goodman, please come with me as well."
Kelly, Jessica and Tom followed along and they found a table in a quiet area. Kelly handed Billy to his mother, and then the Minister said, "Kelly, please let me talk to them now. Thank you for your help."
Kelly backed away and went back over to her parents.
It was quite a while later, when Jessica, Tom, Billy and Minister Goodman came back to them. Jessica said, looking straight at Kelly, "Kelly, thank you. I um… I was wrong and I'm sorry for the pain we have caused you."
"It's ok, Aunt Jessica. I understand. Is Billy going to be ok?"
"I think so. Minister Goodman spoke to him and told him that God is not the vengeful being that Reverend Triphard makes him out to be. We are going to meet with him again tomorrow and see how things go. Richard, Kristine, I'm sorry. Can you forgive us?"
Kristine gave Jessica a hug and said, "Of course. We have missed you."
Richard nodded and gave her a hug as well, then said, "We really need to get over to the hospital now, we got a call from Sally, Emily's ankle is just a sprain, but we need to go pick them up."
Jessica said, "You go ahead, I'm going to take the boys home, we have a lot of thinking to do. Please tell Sally I will call her later and to let me know if she or Emily need any help."
As they said goodbye, they all gave each other hugs. When Tom and Kelly came together, Tom said, "Kelly, I'm sorry too."
Kelly said, "It's ok Tom." She reached out to hug him; Tom hesitated at first, but then returned it fully.
Written by Kristine Roland
Edited by Joni W
Part 9 - This is the Sequel to Jason's Story.
Kelly helps her cousin Tom in his changed world.
Author's Note: My sincere thanks to Joni W for all her efforts!
Chapter 20
Tom went into the kitchen and found his mother working on dinner. He watched as she put down the knife she was using to cut up some potatoes, and leaned over the counter and started to sob.
Tom went to her and said, "Mom?"
Jessica jumped, "ohhh… Tom… I didn't realize you were there."
"What's wrong, Mom?"
Jessica hesitated and said, "Nothing."
"Mom?"
Just then the front door opened, slammed, and Bob Merrick shouted, "Jessica!"
He came into the kitchen, and said, "What the hell happened today? I got a call from Reverend Triphard; how dare you defy him. He told me that you, Tom and Billy had turned your back on God."
Jessica said, "Triphard assaulted Billy; he threatened him, told him he was going to burn in hell, and shook him and hit him. I'm not going to stand by and watch anyone hurt Tom or Billy, not even Triphard!"
"Reverend Triphard is the voice of God, if he told Billy he was going to hell, than it was to save him. You're a woman; don't interfere in men's business."
"No Bob. I've played the dutiful wife for 16 years, I've deferred to you since before we married and became a good wife as per Reverend Triphard's teaching, but no more. I will not let him harm my children!"
"Woman, I am the man of this house, and you will do as I say. Now tomorrow you will send a formal apology to the Reverend, begging for his forgiveness."
"No Bob, I will not," Jessica replied, her voice taking on an edge.
"Dad, I was there, he was out of control. Mom was right!"
"Don't you start with me Tom, I heard all about you too. You went off into the woods with that faggot cousin of yours and I don't know what kind of bullshit he pulled over you, but you are going to come back to God."
"I went in the woods to find my brother, and it was Kelly's skill that found Billy and Emily, not mine. She knew the woods; she knew how to find the tracks they left."
"His name is Jason; he is a faggot boy, not a 'she.' You know that he is an abomination to God, what is wrong with you!"
"Nothing is wrong with me, Dad. I've just seen the light. Reverend Triphard is wrong and so are you and so was I to follow him."
"Look what you've done, Woman. Our sons have rejected God and are going to burn in hell. This is all your fault!"
"Bob, neither Tom or I have rejected God, we have rejected Reverend Triphard. Believe it or not they are not one and the same, though having listened to his teachings for all of these years; I can understand why you seem to think they are!"
"Dad…"
"You stay out of this!" His father snapped at him in anger.
"Tom, go check on Billy," his mother said.
Tom shook his head and went upstairs to Billy's room. Billy was curled up on his bed. Tom went over to him and asked, "Are you ok, Billy?"
"Mom and Dad are fighting aren't they?"
"Yes, they are."
"Because of what I did today?"
"No. Because of what Reverend Triphard did today, it's not your fault Billy."
They sat in silence; the only sound was that of the rising argument coming from the kitchen. They could not make out what was being said, but it was clearly not going well.
They both jumped as a crash, followed by a door being slammed and then the sound of a car starting and rushing off. A few moments later the door opened, and their mother came into the room, with two duffle bags. She handed one to Tom and said, "Tom, please go pack some clothes for the next few days into this. Don't forget your toothbrush."
She then proceeded to start to pack the second bag with Billy's things.
"What's going on, Mom?" Tom asked.
"We are going to spend a few days at my parent's house, till your father and I can work out this situation," she said.
Tom's stomach turned at the thought, but he shook his head, and headed into his room to pack.
Chapter 21
Kelly's mother hung up the phone. She came back to the dinner table and said, "Jessica and the boys are at your parent's house. Bob blew a gasket when he came home; apparently he took Triphard's side."
Kelly and Meghan both looked at her with disbelief.
Kelly's father said, "That figures, I should have seen that coming. Are Jessica and the boys alright?"
"Yes. They are understandably upset of course, but overall they are ok. It's been quite a day for them. Mom said that she and Jessica had a long talk. When Triphard slapped Billy, it was like a veil being lifted from her. She can't believe she allowed herself to subjugate herself to Bob and Triphard all these years. She is feeling like an idiot."
"What about Tom? He stood up to Triphard today, but he has never known anything else."
"Mom said he has been pretty quiet. Dad tried to talk to him, but did not get much out of him, I suspect he is feeling pretty conflicted at the moment."
Kelly asked, "What about Billy?"
His mother smiled, and said, "He seems to be ok. A little concerned because he thinks he caused all of this, but both his mother and Tom have assured him that it was not his fault. He was pretty happy to see Grandma and Grandpa though."
Kelly exhaled a sigh of relief that Billy was ok. Meghan gave Kelly's hand a gentle squeeze.
His mother then went on, "We will see them tomorrow morning at church; they are going to meet with Minister Goodman again after the services, then we are invited to join them for a barbeque at Grandma's house. Sally and Emily will be there too; you can invite Julie if you want. Meghan, you're welcome to invite Cliff. We can pick him up after we pick you up from your church."
Kelly and Meghan both said they would make the calls after dinner.
"Hey Jules, what a day, huh?" Kelly asked, after Julie answered her phone.
"Excitement just follows you around Kelly. Is Emily ok?"
"Oh yeah, she's fine, just a bad sprain. Aunt Jessica, Tom and Billy are staying with my grandparents for a while though. My Uncle Bob was really upset about what happened and that they argued with Triphard."
"That's crazy. He was out of control."
"I know, but that is the way Uncle Bob is. Anyway, after church tomorrow we are going to a picnic at Grandma's house, you are invited as well. Can you come?"
"I don't see why not; let me check with Mom."
The phone was silent for a few moments as Julie went to check with her mother. When she came back she said, "No problem. I'll see you after church then?"
"Yup. We will pick you up."
"See you then."
The next day at church, Kelly sat in the pew with Tom on one side and Billy on the other side. She listened intently as Minister Goodman led the congregation through the services. The sermon focused on God's love for all of his children.
Kelly watched Tom carefully; at points she could see confusion and at times, pain in his expression. She reached out and gently touched his hand and asked, "Are you ok, Tom?"
Tom looked at her, and said, "I don't know, Kelly. This is so different from everything I have been taught and believed. How can it be so different, both of them are working from the same Bible? Yet, Minister Goodman's God is one of love and acceptance, and Reverend Triphard's God is hard, cold, demanding and vengeful? I don't understand. I don't know what to believe any more."
"I'm sorry, Tom. I wish I had answers for you, but you will have to look into your own heart and soul to find those answers. Give it time; I'm sure you will find what is right for you."
After the sermon, Jessica, Tom and Billy stayed to meet with Minister Goodman. Kelly and her family went to pick up Meghan, who went to a different church nearby, and then to get Julie and Cliff.
When Kelly, her family and friends arrived at her grandparent's house, Sally and Emily were already there. Kelly gave Emily a hug and asked, "How are you feeling?"
"It hurts a little bit, and walking with the crutch is a pain!"
"Tell me about it!" Kelly replied with sympathy.
Jessica, Tom and Billy returned from their meeting with Minister Goodman shortly thereafter. They went and got changed, and then joined the party in the back yard.
Billy and Emily started to play one of their multi-player DS games, so Kelly felt comfortable leaving them to their own devices and joined the teenage crowd.
Tom said, "Anyone want to toss a Frisbee or something? I need to do something active."
Cliff said, "Sure, I'm game… Girls?"
Kelly said, "I'm in."
Meghan and Julie quickly agreed. Tom went and grabbed one from his mother's car. At first they simply tossed it around, basically in a circle. Cliff and Tom got a bit bored with that eventually, they started to make each other have to run and make diving catches. Then they lined up next to each other and would jockey and fight for the Frisbee when it was sent toward either of them.
Then on one particularly tricky throw from Julie, Cliff and Tom were pushing and shoving around each other to get it, when Kelly shot on through the two of them jumped up, and grabbed it before either of them could get it. She tucked it under her arm, turned her back on the boys, and blew on her fingernails, than she tossed the Frisbee over to Meghan.
Cliff and Tom stood there with wide-open mouths, while Julie and Meghan broke out in laughter. It took a minute, but Cliff soon joined in the laughter, then Tom did too.
When they got their composure back, Tom said, "Ok… we get the point. Kelly, you always were good at Ultimate Frisbee."
A short while later, the game was interrupted so that they could help set out the food for the picnic. Jessica watched as the teens made themselves plates and joked to Kelly's mom, "I can see one major advantage you have now with Kelly, Kristine. You don't have to feed a teenage boy!"
Kristine laughed, "True enough Jessica, but I do have to clothe a teenage girl, I'm not sure that it quite works out."
"No, I suppose not," Jessica acknowledged.
The teens took their plates over to one of the tables her grandparents had set up in the back yard and sat together.
Cliff asked, "So Meghan, school is almost over for the summer, what are your plans?"
"Well, once school is out, I'm going to join up with my parents at my grandmother's for the summer. Daddy is doing whatever he can right now; Gram got him a job at the local supermarket, she is good friends with the owner's wife. Doesn't pay much, but it is more than unemployment."
"I guess I won't see you much over the summer then," Cliff said.
"It's not really that far away. I'm sure we can get together occasionally. Kelly and her family are heading up to their lake house right after school lets out, so I had to decide between going with them and joining up with my parents. As much as I would have enjoyed the lake house, I really miss my parents."
Tom looked down at his plate and said, "The lake house. It's hard to believe it's almost a year already. I'm sorry for what I put you through this year, Kelly."
Kelly reached over to Tom and grabbed his hand and said, "Tom, I can't deny that it hurt me deeply and in many ways this has been a tough year. But it has also been a good year, and frankly Tom, if you had not done what you did, I'd still be Jason as far as the rest of the world is concerned. Mom and Dad would never have allowed me to begin a full time transition at school had it not been public knowledge already. Things happen for a reason. As much as it hurt before, that you are accepting me now, just means so much more. So let's agree to put it behind us, and start fresh."
Tom gave Kelly's hand a quick squeeze and said, "Thanks…"
Chapter 22
Erika, the group leader, called for the girl's attention, "Ok, everyone settle down and let's get started."
It took a moment or two, but the girls quieted down and took their seats in the circle. Once she had their attention, she asked "Does anyone have anything bothering you that you need the group's help with?"
No one spoke up.
"Ok, great. Then let's start with a bit of housekeeping. Summer is coming up, how many of you know what your summer plans are? We need to determine if we will have enough of you to justify having sessions for the summer months?"
Most of the girls raised their hands. Erika called on them in turn.
Deb said, "We are going away in late August for a week, but will be here most of the summer."
Samantha replied, "My Dad is in construction, this is his busy time of the year, we never go away in the summer."
Joan said, "Mom and Dad are looking at planning a few day trips this summer, trying to keep costs down. The economy being what it is, they don't want to spend a lot of money on a trip this year."
Kelly said, "We will be away for the first couple of weeks of July. We always go up to our lake house. In fact, since you brought it up, we always celebrate my birthday up there, and Mom and Dad said I could invite you all to come up for the day. We have a boat; we swim in the lake, lots of stuff to do."
Deb said, "Sounds like your own little summer camp."
Kelly laughed, and said, "I guess, I never really thought of it that way."
Samantha sighed, "To bad it isn't summer camp. I used to love going to camp in the summer, but I can't go to one as Samantha, and I'm not going to spend the summer as a boy ever again."
Deb said, "Yeah, I know what you mean. Hey Erika, you should start a summer camp for Transgendered Teens. They have camps for all kinds of other special needs kids; not that I'm complaining, mind you, those camps are necessary! But it would be great to have a place that catered to us too."
Erika got a distant look on her face and smiled, "Yeah, I remember my own experiences at camp… as life changing as they were," then she shook her head with a smile and said, "Somehow, I doubt I could convince the board to invest in something like that. Not a terrible idea; though a TG Summer Camp sounds like a story you might read about on the web."
They all laughed at the thought.
Joan asked, "I don't have a bathing suit for Joan, I don't know that Mom would let me have one. Would it be ok if I came as Jimmy?"
Kelly said, "Of course it would."
Erika said, "Well, that sounds like fun for you all. I'm actually a bit envious, I guess the sleep over at Kelly's must have gone well. It was the weekend after our last meeting right? Three weeks ago, now?"
All of the girls chimed in with their agreement.
Erika said to Joan, "Joan, you clearly enjoyed it, how did your Mom handle it?"
Joan said, "Well at first she wasn't going to allow it, then she decided it was an extension of the group, so she did. She even had to buy me some girl's pajama's for the night. Then she was nervous when she found out that Kelly's friends, as Mom said, 'real girls' were also going to be there and spending the night. She spoke with Mrs. Anderson though and was assured that there was going to be heavy chaperonage to make sure nothing inappropriate occurred, and she gave in. I think she was in shock when she picked me up. We all had makeovers the night before, and with Kathy and Deb's help, we had recreated much of what Michele had done. So I looked a whole lot more like a girl then I had ever done before. She was a bit concerned at first, that I would not be able to hide what had been done, but once we took out the extensions, brushed out the changes and washed off the makeup, she calmed down about it."
Kelly said, "Mom told me that before she came downstairs to gather you, she had warned her that we had done the makeovers the night before, that while the changes looked amazing, she was going to find it hard to believe that nothing permanent had been done."
"Yeah, Mom told me that your Mom had warned her, and it was a good thing, or I think she would have gone ballistic right there. The ride home she kept looking me with a kind of sad look; I think it was a look of surrender to the inevitable. I think she finally saw the girl in me and realized this is not a phase. As I said, when we got home she made me change, shower etc. Even when she could see that no one was going to see what had been done, I don't think she can forget what she saw."
Erika asked, "How have things been between you and your Mom since?"
"Pretty good actually. In fact, the next weekend Dad was out of town for work, and Friday night she rented While You Were Sleeping. She let me wear my new pajamas. We ate ice cream from the container and I think we went through a whole box of tissues."
The girls chuckled at that.
"After the movie, she and I had a pretty good talk. She admitted that it was not easy for her to see me like this. She feels like her son is dying before her eyes, that she can't do anything to stop it and that is really hard. Yet she also sees this part of me growing before her, dying to come out. She said she overheard what I said to you Kelly, as I was leaving your sleepover. "That I had never felt so alive" and it just shook her to her core. Anyway it was a good talk; I think we went through another box of tissues…"
Deb said, "I think we are going to go through a box here as well," as she passed the tissues to Samantha, and they continued around the circle.
"The next day, Dad was still out of town. Since it was a Saturday and no school, she let me have Joan clothes, and I helped her out around the house. We pretty much spent the weekend together as Mother and daughter; it was nice. Monday I had to go to school of course, so I figured it was done. When I got home, imagine my surprise when I found my new pajamas and the few under things I own, neatly folded in my underwear drawer, and the couple of outfits I have for group meetings hanging up in my closet. Mom came in and told me she was not going to lock them up anymore, but that I had to be careful not to let my father see me, at least until we have told him. He has not met with my individual therapist yet, but we are going to arrange for him to come with us to a session, in the next couple of weeks, and tell him there."
Erika asked, "How do you think he is going to react?"
"I don't really know. Mom says that he loves me and I don't really doubt that, but as hard as it is for her, it will be even harder for him. He was so happy when I was born a boy and he loves doing the 'guy' things with me. I don't really want to disappoint him and I actually enjoy a lot of those things, so I am hoping that we won't lose that. But then I think about Carol…"
Samantha asked, "Speaking of Carol, has anyone spoken with her recently? I'm surprised she isn't here."
Deb's face clouded over and she said, "I spoke to her yesterday. She won't be coming back. The judge handed down his decision yesterday. He rejected the advice of Carol's doctors, in favor of the doctor's the father hired, those idiots that Firefly had on their show about you, Kelly. He accepted their testimony that said that the treatment of acceptance was harmful, and that negative reinforcement methodology was in her best interests. As such, he ordered that she be given into her father's custody, and that her mother was only allowed supervised visitation. Her participation in the TransTeen support group has been explicitly prohibited."
The others all gasped, and expressed their outrage. They looked at Erika and said, "Is that true?"
Erika said, "I normally can't comment on a patient, but since Carol gave that information to Deb and permission for her to pass it on, I will confirm that it is unfortunately true."
Kelly said, "How did she sound, Deb?"
"Despondent. She couldn't talk for long; she snuck a call to me from her cell phone while she was waiting to leave with her father and had to hang up when her dad came back into the room. They did not even let her go home with her mother last night."
Samantha asked, "What did he say about Carol's father's getting drunk and attacking him physically?"
Deb said, "He said there was no evidence that her father had ever done anything violent and that he believed that Carol and her mother made that up in order to slander the father. In fact he told them if he heard anything further on the subject he would have charges of slander drawn up on them."
Kelly said, "Unbelievable."
The rest of the session was somewhat subdued, as each of the girls thought about their friend. Deb had warned them that they should not call Carol. Carol would find a way to keep in touch, probably via I/M and chat, since her father was a complete computer neophyte.
As had become their nightly ritual, Kelly and Meghan were sitting together in their nightgowns and robes, recapping the events of the day.
Meghan said, "I'm going to miss my nightly gab session with my big 'sister' when I go meet up with my parents at my Grandma's house."
Kelly said, "Me too. You are going to come up to the lake house for my birthday aren't you? All the other girls will be there…" and then with a frown she added, "except Carol."
"I think so. I'm not sure about the transportation yet, but we will work something out. Mom may drop me off at Kathy's the night before, and then I can come up with Kathy and Sue. What that judge did is such a crime. Isn't there anything that they can do? Can't they appeal?"
"Mom told me that they talked about it in the parent's session too, because Deb's mom brought it up in there. A couple of the parents there are lawyers, and they said it is really hard to appeal a custody decision, not impossible, but it is not something that can be done easily."
Meghan just shook her head in disgust.
"I hope that it does not have a chilling effect on the progress Joan has made though. She was really quiet after Deb told us about Carol. She and her mom were planning on telling her father soon, and I hope that this doesn't postpone that."
They sat there quietly for a while.
Kelly shook it off and said, "So… how are things going with Cliff?"
Meghan blushed, "Very well, thank you. He had fun at your grandparent's the other night. He said he had really wanted to hate Tom for what he had done to you, but that Tom was contrite, and if you didn't hate him, how could he. They actually got on fairly well."
Meghan then looked thoughtful and said, "Did you know his older brother is gay?"
Kelly shook her head, no.
"It infuriated him what Tom's church was doing to you. That night what Randell and his mother said, well that pushed him to say something to you. He said he had always been too shy to speak to a girl. Of course, when you and I ganged up on him to get him to ask me out, he didn't stand a chance," Meghan added, with a conspiratorial grin.
Kelly gave her one right back.
"Anyway, thanks for your help, big sis."
"Hey what is a big sister for, if not to butt into their little sister's love life?"
Kelly's mother came in and said, "Alright girls, it’s a school night, time for bed."
Written by Kristine Roland
Edited by Joni W
Part 10 - This is the Sequel to Jason's Story.
Kelly and her friends celebrate her birthday at the lake, as her friends enjoy their day at 'Camp Kelly.' How is Carol dealing with being back with her father?
Author's Note: My sincere thanks to Joni W for all her efforts!
Chapter 23
"Last one in is a rotten egg!" Joan shouted, as she ran off of the end of the dock and jumped in the lake. The rest of Kelly’s friends followed her rapidly. As they all surfaced they came up laughing, splashing at each other and generally having a good time.
Kelly climbed out of the water and sat on the dock looking out at her friends. She smiled as she looked at Joan in her one-piece suit, and thought about the final acceptance it represented from Joan's mother. She looked over to where the adults were sitting. Over by the fire pit, plenty of chairs and tables had been set up, where they would be eating dinner later. Right now there were various snacks and coolers with drinks, soda, juices and flavored waters for the teens, and one cooler was filled with beer for the adults.
Sitting with her own parents, she saw Joan's mother and father, as well as Deb's parents. Samantha's mother and both Julie's Mom and Dad were there. Kathy's mom had brought Sue and Meghan, so their parents were not here.
Samantha climbed out of the water and sat next to her. "Kelly this is great. Thanks for inviting me."
"You're welcome. Believe me, I was thrilled when my folks said it was ok. I know it’s a bit of a drive to get here, I hope your Mom didn't mind too much."
"Not at all, she was looking forward to it too. She would love to have a place like this."
"We love it. We spend a couple weeks up here at the start of the summer and then we will come up for a few weekends throughout the summer, till we have to close it up for the winter. Last year we didn't get much time up here after the beginning, because of everything else that was going on with me."
Julie and Sue climbed out and Julie said, "I'm gonna get some sun." She grabbed a beach chair and lay down with a towel over her eyes. Sue grabbed a beach ball and threw it towards Joan. Joan laughed and hit it towards Kathy, and Sue dove back in the water.
Kelly looked at Joan and said, "It's great to see Joan so happy. I can't wait to hear about her talk with her dad. It obviously went well."
Samantha smiled and said, "Yeah, me too. It's nice when it happens that way."
Kelly said, "I just wish Carol could be here."
Samantha said, "Me too. I'm worried about her. I got an I/M from her last night and she seems really depressed. Her father is really pushing her to 'be a man.' I just hope she doesn't get hurt."
"Me too. It's frustrating, I just wish there was something we could do to help her. But there really isn't anything other than being there for her when she needs us."
They sat silently for a few minutes, just watching the girls batting the beach ball around as they thought about Carol.
Samantha broke the silence by saying, "Oh… by the way, I loved the sign you put up to greet us as we came up the drive. Camp Kelly, huh. I almost peed myself, I laughed so hard."
"Well you said you missed going to camp, so I thought we would make that the theme of the party."
"Mom didn't understand what was so funny and even when I explained it, she just looked at me like I was crazy. Oh well, nothing new in that… So we need to come up with a camp song."
"A camp song?"
Samantha said, "Yeah, a camp song… Gotta have one to sing at the camp fire."
"I'll leave that to you."
"Ok, let me get some paper and a pencil from my purse." Samantha ran into the house and came back with a notepad and a pencil. She sat at the table on the dock and went to work.
Kelly got up to go grab something to drink. As she came closer to where the adults were sitting and talking, she could hear her father talking to Joan's dad, "No, it's not easy. I do miss my son at times, but I love my daughter just as much. And really, Jason's not really gone, he was always Kelly, I just didn't realize it. The important thing to me is, that she is happy and safe. That's really my biggest worry. There are really crazy people out there and some of them can be pretty violent. When Kelly was outed last year, we got death threats and a lot of nasty messages left on our answering machine. So yeah, I worry about her safety."
Joan's father said, "What kind of life can they have? They are always going to have to worry about being found out, even if they have the operation and don't have to be afraid of being 'caught' that way, there will still be records of the past that can come back and haunt them. I love my son and I accept what the doctor's are telling us about the dangers of suppressing this in them. I recognize that those idiots that were on that Firefly show are quacks, but I can't help mourn the loss of my son."
Joan's mother squeezed her father's hand and shook her head in agreement. "It is hard, I fought against it, as you know. I started taking him… I mean her, oh… damn you know what I mean… to the TransTeen group meetings, hoping to get support and find a way to get him over this. I almost pulled out when I realized that the group wasn't going to do that. Sharon, it was your story about the other child from your town that was pulled out and then killed himself, that kept me from doing it."
Deb's mother, Sharon said, "I know Betty, and believe me we all understand. None of us wished for our kids to be transgendered."
"When I picked up Ji… I mean Joan from Kelly's slumber party… that is when I really saw the girl in her and I realized she wasn't going to go away. She was just so alive that day, and I had never seen that in my son." Joan's mother started to cry, and her father put his arm around her.
"I'm sorry that you did not come to me sooner, honey. You shouldn't have had to deal with this on your own for so long."
"I know, I should have told you as soon as I found out, but you were so proud when Jimmy was born. You loved having a son, and I was hoping that you wouldn't have to face losing him."
Kelly spoke up, "Excuse me… I'm sorry, I did not mean to eavesdrop on your conversation, I was just coming for some soda. But if you'll forgive me, I'd like to say something about that. Jimmy isn't going to go away, even if he becomes Joan full time at some point. It took me a while to figure this one out for myself too, in fact I really had a hard time giving up my name to truly become Kelly. I eventually figured out that the only real difference was how I wanted to be perceived, and that is I am a girl. But I still like everything I liked as Jason, I love fishing with my dad, playing ball. Going for hikes and camping, all those supposed guy things. Has my relationship with my mom and dad changed as a result? Yes, I guess it has in some ways. I can share things with my mother that I always wanted to, but couldn't as Jason. There are some differences in the way fathers and daughters interact, versus fathers and sons, but I still enjoy doing the things with my dad that we always did. I haven't given up any of them and frankly when we go fishing, or camping, or whatever, I don't really notice much of a change."
Her father said, "I agree. Oh, when we are camping, we do take turns getting changed in the tent now, which we wouldn't have done before, but for the most part, Kelly is right. Once I got over it, it ceased to be different." He then added with a grin, "Although Kelly, I do miss the opportunity to tease my son about girls… It's not quite the same, since you are one now."
Julie's father in mock anger said, "Hey, that's my daughter you would be talking about… hmmm… hadn't thought about that, I'll have to take advantage of that, since I can tease my daughter about girls."
Julie's mother smacked him playfully and said, "Ken!"
Kelly laughed and said, "Dad… If you really are feeling cheated, I suspect I can handle it. I can let that part of Jason out occasionally for you. Just keep it in good taste," she added with a wink.
She then turned back to Joan's parents and said, "Joan has told us that she really enjoys doing the 'guy' things with you, and she is really hoping not to lose that as well. She loves you both; believe me, it's not easy on us either. We worry about being a disappointment and fear of rejection. She expected that she was going to have to come today as Jimmy and I can see how happy she is to be here as Joan. The best thing you can do for her is to continue to love her, and make her feel that she is accepted for who she is. That's what she needs right now and I think you are both doing a very good job of that."
With that she grabbed a diet soda and excused herself, as she headed back to the lake.
In keeping with the camp theme, they had various activities planned through the day. Mr. Anderson fired up The Kristine and took the girls out on a tour of the lake, then he let those that wanted to try water-skiing, to try it. After the girls had enough, he then took the parents out. The girls watched from the dock as their parents tried water-skiing.
Samantha said, "Oh my God, I didn't know my mother could water ski? Look at her go!"
A little bit later, it was Deb's father's turn, he got up for a second and then went head over heals quickly. Deb said, "Ouch… that had to hurt." She let out a sigh of relief when she saw him grab the rope for another try. "I guess he couldn't be too badly hurt… except maybe his pride."
It took him a couple of tries, but he did finally get up and stay up. He raised one arm in triumph.
Joan's father was next; he got it on his second try.
When they came back to the dock, they got off laughing and thanked Kelly's father for the lessons.
Samantha said to her Mom, "When did you learn to water ski, Mom?"
"Oh, years ago, I used to go up to a lake like this when I was your age. Some friends had a place, and they had a boat too."
"Cool, I didn't know that."
After everyone had a snack and a drink, the girls challenged the parents to a volleyball game. Deb and Kathy turned out to be the best spikers on the girl’s team So, as they played, the girls worked hard to set up one of them. On the parent’s side, Julie and Joan's fathers were the best.
The game was fairly even, going back and forth, but in the end the girls pulled it out and won on a fake, as Deb pretended to go for it, but Kathy actually took it and spiked it in the opposite direction, at the last moment.
After the volleyball game, everyone helped with the barbeque dinner. There were hot dogs, hamburgers and Italian sausage. There were some pork ribs, chicken and shrimp. There was also fresh bass, that Kelly and her father had caught and cleaned that morning. There was fruit salad, a couple of different kinds of potato salad, and all the toppings and fixings you could want.
The fresh air and activity had everyone hungry and they made a good dent in the pile of food that had been prepared.
Deb's mom, said, "Oh, I don't think I've eaten like that since I was a kid. Everything was wonderful, especially the bass."
While cleaning up, Kelly had a chance to ask Meghan, "How are things going at home with your parents?"
Meghan said, "Good. Dad is doing ok at his job, not what he wants to do, but at least its money. Mom is still looking, but is helping out my Gram and Grampa that best she can. Everyone is glad to have me home. I missed them. I can't tell you how much I appreciate being given the opportunity to stay with you and your family and they are great, but I do wish I could stay with my own parents."
Kelly said, "I know. And you are definitely welcome as long as you need. I have to tell you, I enjoyed having a little sister, and I miss our nightly chat sessions."
Meghan gave her a quick hug and they got back to cleaning.
As it was starting to get dark, Kelly's father lit the campfire and the citronella candles around the fire pit. Everyone sat around the fire and Kathy's mother got out her guitar. She played and everyone sang along. Songs like Country Roads and Yesterday.
While she was taking a break, Kelly asked Samantha if she had written her camp song. Samantha blushed and said, "Yeah, though it's not very good."
Kelly, "Come on, we have to hear it, then."
Samantha said, "Alright. I couldn't get that song from the movie Meatballs out of my head. Have you ever seen that one? It's an old movie, but my Dad loves it. Anyway, I ended up taking it and reworking the words."
The adults all chuckled, as they knew the movie. Some of the kids nodded as they had seen it on a DVD, somewhere along the line.
Kelly said, "Ok… I've seen the movie, so I know the song, so let's hear your version of it."
Samantha blushed and sang:
We are the girls of TG Camp Kelly
Where Genetic Girls mix with girl Wanna-be's
We're gonna laugh and sing and fool around,
We're estrogen bound
We are the Camp Kelly girls
Everyone laughed, and Kelly said, "Ok, so that's the Camp Kelly song, we all have to sing."
They started slowly; even the fathers got into it, and sang it through, each time speeding it up, over and over a dozen times, till everyone just broke out in laughter.
Julie laughed, and said, "Well top 20 it's not, but that was fun."
Kathy's mom picked up the guitar and played another round of songs.
Then she started in on Happy Birthday and Kelly saw that her mother had slipped away and was coming out to the table with a cake with the candles lit. After they finished the song, she went over to the cake, and made her wish. She knew exactly what to wish for, and to herself she thought, let Carol be able to join us here next year.
They all had some birthday cake. Her mother had also brought out marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate bars. The girls settled down to making Smore's.
Not much longer after that, the party came to an end. It was a long drive back home for Kelly's guests and she and her parents thanked them all for coming, as they were packing up. Julie gave her parents an especially big hug, as they got into their car leaving Julie to stay with Kelly for the next week.
When everyone had left, Kelly thanked her parents for the party, and they finished cleaning up, what little was left, and went in to bed.
Chapter 24
Kelly glanced at the caller id on her cell phone, as she answered it and said, "Hi Deb, what's up?"
"Carol is in the hospital." Deb told her.
"What happened, is she going to be ok," Kelly asked?
"Her bastard father beat the crap out of her. Last night, her father got drunk and caught her on the computer logged in as Carol to her I/M service. She was chatting with a couple of people from the TransTeen group. He apparently completely lost it. She has a couple of broken ribs, a broken arm and her face is one big bruise."
"Oh my god. Is she going to be alright? Can we go see her?"
"Her mom told my mother that she will be ok, no organ damage, thank God. Her father has been arrested; it will be on the news tonight. In fact, Beth Ann from BNN is doing a story on it. Right now it's a bit muddy; her mother still does not have custody, she is currently a ward of the state. Her mom's lawyers are filing all kinds of motions to have the court re-appoint her as guardian. She asked us not to go to the hospital yet, but of course she said it was fine to send a note or flowers to make sure Carol knows we are here for her."
"Of course we are!"
Kelly wrote down the information on where Carol was being treated, and then said, "Thanks for letting me know Deb. I'll see you next week at the group."
Kelly went into the kitchen and said, "Mom. I just got a call from Deb. Carol, from the group, is in the hospital. Her father beat her up."
"Damn. Her mother was really afraid of that, is Carol going to be ok?"
"She apparently has a couple of broken ribs, a broken arm and a bunch of bruises on her face, but her mother says she is going to be ok, there was no organ damage. Can we send some flowers or something to her room? Deb says we can't go visit her yet."
"Yes of course we can. Do you have the information on where to send them?"
"Right here," Kelly said and handed the slip of paper to her mother.
"I'll take care of it. Anything specific you want the card to say?"
"Um... How about, Get well soon, umm.. I don't know Mom… what should I say. I want to tell her I'm here for her, that I wanted to come see her, but how do you say that in a few words?"
"Don't try. Send her a letter or an e-mail if she has access, and tell her those things."
"Ok, then just say 'Get well soon, love Kelly.' I will send her a note too."
Chapter 25
Kelly spent most of the rest of the day worrying about Carol. She had to try to put it out of her mind while she was working in the serving line that evening, serving dinner at the church soup kitchen. She had to try to keep a positive mindset and a smile on her face. She could not help herself though, as she looked out at the people sitting at the tables and saw Mrs. Moran and her son, to get angry at the kind of bigotry, which led to a father hurting his child.
She had to wipe tears from her eyes, and said, "Kathy… please can you take over here for me."
"Sure Kelly... go ahead." Kathy took the spoon from her and gave her a smile.
Kelly went into the back room and found a quiet out of the way corner to sit down and try to get a handle on her emotions. "Damn!" She said as she pounded her clenched fist into a box of baked beans. Then she simply could not hold it back any more, she hugged herself tightly and began to sob.
A few minutes later, Julie came looking for her, finding her crying she rushed over, put her arms around her and said, "Kelly, what's wrong?"
"How could he do that to her? His own child? I just don't understand, Julie. Why was I so lucky? How can people be so hurtful? He beat the hell out of her! She is lucky to be alive. How many of those people out there would like to do that to me? Brad and his father would have. Hell, Brad's father abused him. Why, damn it, why?"
Julie held onto her and said, "I don't know Kelly. I don't know what to tell you."
Kelly laughed, "Hell, I wished that Carol would be able to join us next year at my party, maybe I caused it. Maybe that's my wish being granted."
Julie looked at her and said, "Ok, now you are being a bit egocentric, don't you think? You know as well as I do that birthday wishes are just for fun, you did not make this happen."
"I know Julie… I'm kidding."
Minister Goodman came in and said, "You alright, Kelly? I heard about your friend, I'm sorry. It's horrible. Thank God she will be ok, but she is going to need lots of support. Being attacked like that is bad enough, but when it comes from your own father… well…"
"She should never have been put back into his care. That Judge should be removed from the bench. He ignored all of the evidence, because he is prejudiced against transgendered people."
"Well Julie, there will probably be a call for just that, as this comes out. It will certainly be reviewed, I wish I could say that it was likely, but the judicial review system tends to watch out for their own. They may have no choice on this one though. They are susceptible to political pressure at times," Minister Goodman said.
"I hope so, Minister. I'll be alright, I just had to get away and let this out, but I'll be back in a minute. I just need to clean up, I'm sure I look horrible, and I need to be cheerful when I'm on the line."
"Well… take the time you need, it's slowing down out there now any way. If you don't need me though, I'll go back and keep things moving."
"Go ahead, I'll be fine."
Minister Goodman left them alone. Julie and Kelly went to the ladies room to wash up.
While they were in there, Courtney came into the ladies room. "Oh damn, the dyke and it. What are you doing in here? This is a ladies room. Aren't you supposed to use the 'it' room? I should call the police."
Julie turned on her and said, "Not tonight Courtney. Let it be."
Courtney said, "Why should I? This isn't school property; you can't get me expelled for what happens here. I still owe you for that suspension, you bitch."
Kelly said, "Why thank you, Courtney, you just acknowledged I'm female at least. We may be making progress with you after all."
"You are not female, you aren't male either, you’re an 'it,' and that is all you will ever be."
Julie stepped in front of her, and said, "Courtney, this may be a restroom, but it's in a church. I know that I was raised better then to fight in church, so do what you have to do, we will finish up in here, and let it go. We at least have respect for our host. Minister Goodman takes a dim view of intolerance as you know."
Courtney was about to say something, when the door opened and some other ladies from the church came in, so she said, "Fine." She went into a stall and shut the door.
Julie and Kelly finished cleaning up and went back to the serving line.
Chapter 26
Kelly, her mother and Julie stood outside the door to Carol's hospital room. They had received the all clear from Carol's mom that it was ok for them to come and visit. She nodded at the uniformed police officer, that was sitting beside the door. He asked their names, checked a list and waved them in.
Kelly reached for the doorknob and hesitated.
Her mom said, "Go ahead Kelly, it's going to be alright."
She turned the knob and opened the door and went on in. She held back a gasp as she saw her friend Carol. Her face was blotched with dark purplish blue bruises. She had a cast on one of her arms, and her chest was bandaged tightly.
Kelly forced a smile onto her face as she walked in. Carol looked over and when she saw who it was she got a smile, and said, "Kelly! Thanks for coming. Hi Julie and Mrs. Anderson, thank you too. The flowers were beautiful by the way. And I really appreciated the notes that all three of you sent to me."
Kelly said, "Carol, there was no question of our coming, as soon as we were told it was ok. We'd have been here sooner if it were allowed."
"I know, Kelly. Grab a seat; it's good to see you."
They all found seats around Carol's bed. Kelly asked, "So what is going on? You're mother did not have time to fill us in when she called to let us know we could come and visit. Are you going back into her care or is that still up in the air?"
"Well, the judge that had our case, and put me back with my father, is on leave pending an investigation by the judicial review board. A new judge has been put on the case for now, and he has awarded temporary custody to my mother. He has not overturned any of the decisions regarding the treatment of my transgendered needs at this point, but he did authorize visits from my friends, including those of you from the group. He said, regardless of the ultimate outcome of that decision, right now I needed the support of my friends, whoever they are."
Julie said, "Well, we are glad of that."
Kelly and her mother agreed.
Carol replied, "So am I. I thought I might never see any of you again, especially that night." She shuddered.
Kelly said, "I'm so sorry, hon. You don't have to talk about it unless you want to."
Carol said, "No, its ok. I was on the computer, chatting with Samantha and Joan. My father came in and was drunk, and I didn't get it closed down fast enough. He saw that I was logged in as Carol, and he went ballistic. He started shouting at me, 'I told you that was over. I'm going to make a man of you if it’s the last thing I do.' I tried to get away, and he grabbed my arm and spun me around. I think that's when he broke it, because I was trying to twist to get away and heard it pop. I started to cry and he hit me saying that 'boys don't cry' when I didn't stop he hit me a few more times in the face, then he threw me aside and I hit the side of the desk."
Kelly, Mrs. Anderson and Julie all listened in horror.
Carol said, "He went into the kitchen mumbling about something, and I heard him fall down. He apparently passed out from what I've been told. I crawled over to the phone and dialed 911, before I passed out from the pain. When I woke up the paramedics were rushing me to the hospital. After I got out of the emergency room, the police were there and asked me what had happened. I told them, and they said my father had been arrested, and that I should try to get some sleep. Someone from family services would come see me in the morning. I told them that I wanted to see my mother, and they said that she was still under a court order to visit only with supervision and that they were working on getting that arranged. That she would be coming to see me soon. When she did get here the next morning she was ready to chew nails, because she had not been allowed in before."
Carol smiled wryly, "I prayed to God that he get me out of my father's care, this isn't quite what I had in mind though."
Kelly asked, "Oh my God, Carol, I am so sorry this happened to you? Are you ok? I mean I know you aren't, but are you going to be?"
Carol said, "It hurts like hell, fortunately I'm not up to laughing much, because that is really painful, because of the broken ribs, but it's my face that really hurts. I don't think even Michele could do much with it right now."
Mrs. Anderson said, "It will heal though, Carol. And once we get the legal stuff cleared up, I'm sure that Michele would love to work with you again."
Carol said, "I hope so, Mrs. Anderson. It seems like a long way away. The lawyers are more optimistic about it now, but they can't guarantee anything. I half expect my dad to pull another damn rabbit out of his hat and find a way to explain this and get me back in his custody."
Mrs. Anderson said, "God forbid."
With that they changed the subject. Carol said, "I hear you had a great birthday party at your summer house on the lake, Kelly. Wish I could have been there. Deb stopped by and was telling me all about it."
Kelly choked up a bit, but said, "Yes, it was great. I hope you can be with us next year."
Carol said, "Me too, that would be great."
They continued to talk for a while about various things, until the nurse came in and told them that visiting hours were over and that they were going to have to let Carol get some rest.
Kelly raised her eyebrows when the nurse said "Carol," and the nurse noticing said, "I call people what they want to be called."
Kelly smiled, shook her head yes and said, "Good for you."
They said their goodbyes to Carol, and promised to come back again, as soon as they could.
Written by Kristine Roland
Not Edited
Part 11 - This is the Sequel to Jason's Story.
The justice system takes another look at Carol's custody.
Chapter 27
Kelly and Julie sat in the family room with Kelly's parents as they watched the news. Facing strong backlash, the judge in Carol's case had called for a press conference.
"Hello, everyone. Thank you for coming today. I'm Justice Douglas Juarez, I am the supervisor for the family court system. Before Justice Gilbert speaks to you, I want to take this opportunity to review what is happening with this case.
As you know, the minor involved in this case was involved in a custody hearing between his parents. As has been made quite public already, the child is transgendered, and how that should be treated was the key factor of the case. Ultimately Judge Gilbert decided that putting the child into his father's custody was in the best interest of the child. Unfortunately as we have learned, the child was severely beaten, and is currently in the hospital as a ward of the state. The case has been assigned to a new judge to review, and determine what is now in the child's best interest.
Since this is an ongoing case, involving a minor, I will not comment further on this at this time, other than to say that it has been pushed to the top of the calendar, and the new judge has already arranged for a hearing next week, to determine if the mother's restrictions need to be kept in place, and the child continue to be a ward of the state, in foster care, or if he can be put back into his mother's care.
Now, let me bring Judge Gilbert to the podium."
"Good morning. I'm Judge Norman Gilbert. I presided over the custody hearing for the child involved in this unfortunate incident. As most of you know, I have been a family court justice for almost 30 years. I've made some decisions over the years that I have later regretted, but none so much as this decision. Before coming here this morning, I stopped at the hospital to meet with the child and hi.. no… her mother.
They are understandably angry with me, and I cannot say that I blame them. This case was difficult for me and in reviewing the decisions I made over the past few days, I believe that I allowed my own biases to affect my decision. I have always tried to avoid doing that, but in this case I am afraid that I failed to spot my own biases, and that fact put this child into a risky situation, that could have been even more tragic. I am truly sorry.
In order to spare the taxpayers the expense of a review, I have tendered my resignation, I had been considering retiring at the end of this term in any case, and this has given me the clarity that it is time. It is my intention to learn everything I can about the issue of transgenderism and in time to become an advocate for the rights of children like this one.
I apologize to the community, our great state and most importantly to this child and mother.
Thank you."
With that Judge Gilbert left the podium ignoring the barrage of questions from the press.
Kelly said, "Wow, I never expected that!"
Her mother replied, "I did some checking and Judge Gilbert is well respected. One of my friends is a lawyer and she knows him pretty well. She said that over the years he has done a lot to protect the best interests of children in custody battles. He made a mistake, and she told me that he was likely to regret this decision for the rest of his life. Thank God Carol is going to be alright, and according to my friend, there is no one that is more grateful for that then Judge Gilbert."
Chapter 28
Kelly visited Carol as often as she could over the next few weeks, and was pleased to see that she gradually did heal. The bruises on her face eventually faded, and the pain in her rib area began to lessen. The doctor's told her it would take another 3-5 weeks before it would be completely healed. Her arm was still in a cast for another 3 weeks as well.
Carol had spent another two nights in the hospital after the press conference, and then was released to a foster home as a ward of the state, while the Judge that took over the case reviewed the prior proceedings.
One week after the night Carol went to the hospital, the Judge held a hearing and subpoenaed Carol's doctors as well as the specialists that her father's legal team had used.
Kelly was part of a contingent of friends that attended the hearing to give Carol support.
When the Judge entered the courtroom, he sat at his desk, and said, "Well, thank you all for coming on such short notice. I know that several of you had to re-arrange your very busy schedules to make this occur, so we are going to try to get this done as quickly as possible, while making sure that Charles is well taken care of."
Kelly cringed at the use of Carol's masculine name.
"Charles, I believe from the records that you prefer the name Carol, is that correct?"
Carol's father's attorney started to object, but the Judge looked at him and said, "Sit down Mr. Dernhelm. This is an informal hearing to determine the custody of a child that is currently the ward of the state. Your client has proven to be unfit, and your presence here on his behalf, is a courtesy. I am going to do the questioning here for now. I'll give you a chance to bring up anything I might not be aware of, before I'm done. Is that clear?"
"Yes your honor."
"Now, Charles, is it true you would prefer to be called Carol?"
"Yes, your honor. I would."
"Fair enough, however, at the moment, that is not your legal name, is it?"
"No, your honor. It's not."
"So, there will be times in this court, where you will have to be addressed, and supply your legal name. Like right now, when I am establishing that this hearing is about you. There are other times, when it's ok that we use… well let's call it a nickname for now. So, please state your legal name for the record, and then you may add, for the record what your preferred nickname is, and we can use it from this point forward. Is that okay?"
"Yes your honor. My legal name is Charles Edward Winston, but my friends call me Carol."
"Thank you, Carol."
Kelly squeezed Julie's hand.
"Alright, now from what I can tell the entire basis of the ruling to restrict Carol's mother, Cynthia Winston, custody of Carol is the argument that the treatment of Carol's transgenderism with acceptance is tantamount to child abuse. That other then following the advice of the professionals that they were working with, Mrs. Winston was in no other way unfit. Is that correct, counselors?"
The attorney representing Cindy Winston replied, "Yes your honor. We would agree with that statement."
"And what about you, Mr. Dernhelm?"
"Your honor, that was the principle concern our client had, but I don't know if I would say it was the sole complaint."
"Then speak up, what other issues did you have about Mrs. Winston?"
"I'm not prepared to answer that question your honor."
"No? The custody hearing that led to Mrs. Winston being stripped of custody lasted 6 months. Surely you must remember the gist of your arguments. You knew you were coming to a custody hearing today, I would have assumed you would have reviewed your notes as to why Mrs. Winston was not a fit mother."
"Yes your honor."
"Well perhaps it has something to do with the charges of libel and slander that were applied to her? Although I'm afraid that your clients acts since lead credence to the claims that Mrs. Winston and Carol lodged against her father."
Mr. Dernhelm visibly winced at the use of the word "her."
"Your honor I would not wish to prejudice the case against … her … father."
"Probably wise of you. Never mind. So since I have not heard of any other credible argument, let us focus on the claims regarding Carol's transgenderism and how to best treat it. First of all, I have some questions for you Carol. Oh, we should do this under oath, Carol you swear to tell the truth?"
"Yes your honor."
"Very well. What led to the incident the night you were hospitalized?"
"My father came home drunk."
"Yes, most unfortunate. Did something set him off that night?"
"Yes. I was talking to some friends in a chat room."
"Friends from your TransTeen group?"
"Yes. Samantha and Joan. He came in, saw me online, and saw that I was in the chat room as Carol. He went ballistic on me."
"You knew your Father had forbidden you to speak with them. You also knew he had forbidden you to have anything to do with being Carol anymore?"
"Yes."
"You knew he would be pretty upset?
"Yes, he almost hit me the last time, before my parents separated."
"And yet you persisted, knowing full well if he caught you how angry he would be? Why?"
"Because I can't help being me! I am Carol, and will always be Carol. He can't take that away from me. I needed my friends, and I needed to hold on to that little bit of me."
Next the Judge questioned Carol's doctors about how long they had been seeing Carol. What they had recommended, how Carol had been doing up until she had been removed from the program by court order.
Then he moved onto Dr. Jergins and Andrews.
"How many times did you see Carol as a patient?"
Dr. Jergins said, "We never saw Charles as a patient."
"Her name is Carol. So let me get this straight, you testified in the previous court case about a patient you have never met? You know nothing about?"
Dr. Andrews answered, "We testified on the practice of psychological abuse that is recommended by some in the psychiatric community, such as our colleagues on the other side. Our studies show that the practice of treating transgenderism with acceptance simply is an enabler, which does nothing to cure the subject, and leads to a lifelong struggle with society. Intervening at this young age, with strict redirection towards gender appropriate behavior leads to a healthy future."
"Yet my research shows that your findings are largely considered to be discredited amongst the scientific community. In fact the general opinion is that your research has been faulty."
"That is not true your honor. Our research has been meticulously documented."
A cough and almost choking noise came from one of Carol's doctors.
The Judge smiled, and said, "It would seem some of your esteemed colleagues disagree with you. While I appreciate the sentiment, please control yourselves in the future."
"Yes, your honor."
"Now, Dr. Andrews, so you testified about your research generically on the subject of treating transgendered teens. What do you and Dr. Jergins recommend as the best practice treatment plan?"
Dr. Jergins answered, "We recommend strict redirection to the appropriate gender. Immediate removal of any non-gender appropriate items, clothing, toys, etc. Positive re-enforcement of gender appropriate behavior and negative re-enforcement for gender inappropriate behavior."
"Did you have any meetings with Carol's father?"
"No we did not."
"It would seem he went a bit overboard on the 'negative reinforcement' would you say?"
"Yes, your honor. We do not condone violence."
"I'm very glad to hear that. Having just read your latest book on the subject, I must say I was not quite clear on that. I suggest your next edition, might be edited to spell that out a little better."
"Yes, your honor. We will look into it."
"Very well. For the record, prior to last week, I knew very little about the subject of transgendered children. Seems that it is more prevalent than I would have suspected. In anycase, here is what I have learned in my research. First is that the general consensus, in the community has been moving to treating with acceptance. That being transgendered in and of itself is not harmful, that societies position on it tends to be the problem. By all accounts, Carol was doing quite well in the care of her doctor's and as part of the TransTeen support group.
More importantly, there is no evidence whatsoever that Carol's mother in any way was doing anything other then following the advice of medical counsel, including several additional opinions. Carol was content and happy with the way things were going.
In addition, I find it fascinating that this issue was even an issue in this case, as in this state we have laws protecting Gay, Lesbian and transgendered teens. In fact, as I'm sure many in this room are aware, there was a recent controversy at a local high school because of the attendance of a transgender teen. State law protected her, and it should have protected Carol as well.
So, my ruling is that the custody restrictions are hereby removed from Carol's mother. In addition, Carol is free to follow the advice of her doctor's."
"Your honor!"
"Mr. Dernhelm?"
"Um…"
"Do you have an objection?"
"Ummm…"
"let me save some time, your client has lost custody, and should be worried more about his freedom then interfering with his daughters life."
"Ummm… Yes your honor."
"Allright, case closed. Carol and Mrs. Winston, you are free to go home. Good luck to you."
Copyright (c) 2010. All Rights Reserved.
Author's Note: It has been entirely too long since I posted part 10, and this is a small update. Life has gotten in the way of writing of late, but I really did not want to leave Carol sitting in the hospital without her mother having legal custody. This was unedited, as I really wanted to get this posted, and did not wish to wait.
I will be working some more on this as soon as I can. I'm also working on another completely unrelated story, which I won't publish until it is complete.
Hope that you enjoyed this little continuation.
Kristy
Written by Kristine Roland
Not Edited
Part 12 - This is the Sequel to Jason's Story.
Kelly looks back over the past year, at all the changes in her life.
Chapter 29
Kelly sat at her desk and opened up her diary. She read thru the first entries, which had taken place soon after her friend Carol had been reunited with her mother.
Had it really been almost a year ago already?
September 5 — Meghan returned from spending the summer with her parents. Her father is still looking for a better position, but hasn't been able to find anything. He is working long hours at the supermarket, taking every opportunity he can for hours. Meghan did not see a lot of him, as a result, and when he was home he was pretty tired.
September 8 — Talked to Carol today. It was her first day going to school as Carol. She had a much smoother start to her first day, than I did. No broken legs, or bricks thru her window, but then I suppose she has had enough of that kind of thing to last a lifetime! She told me while there were certainly some that made no bones about being offended by her, that most of her class had made her feel welcome.
Kelly smiled as she thought about Carol, she had been thru so much, and had come so far from that tentative girl who didn't believe that Michele could do anything with her, that first makeover at her sleepover. It seemed like yesterday. Now she was just about to wrap up her first year of school, full time as Carol, and her confidence had grown, and grown. She even had a boyfriend now!
She skimmed thru the entries, looking at some of the highlights for the year.
October 10th — Tonight was Julie's birthday, she turned 16 today. Her party was a much more formal affair for her sweet 16, then my "Camp Kelly" day. They actually had rented a room at her father's club. Her whole extended family and all of her best friends. All of us girls wore beautiful gowns, and the guys were in suits. There was music and dancing, and really good food as well. Julie looked wonderful! There was a bit of an incident, when one of Julie's uncles, I think it was on her father's side, said something nasty about Julie and I. Julie's father told him that if he felt that strongly about it to take his comments and get the heck out. It looked like it was going to get pretty ugly, when Julie's Grandmother, all 4 foot 5 inches of her, pointed at them both, made them lower their heads then walloped them both right on the ears. She then waggled her finger at them, as they held their heads in shame, and said, "Now don't you to imbeciles go ruining Julie's Day, you hear!" I almost peed myself laughing.
Kelly laughed again, remembering the sight of Julie's father and his brother, being taken down a peg by her grandmother.
November 15th — Aunt Jessica filed for divorce today. "Irreconcilable Differences." That was the polite way of saying that Uncle Bob is a Grade A Asshole! Jessica told him point blank, and I quote, "I'm not going back to being a subservient, mindless automaton." I feel for Tom, he is so conflicted. His dad was his idol, but refuses to speak with him, or Billy, as they are in 'Satan's sway.' Yet, Tom has told me that his meetings with Minister Goodman have made him look at the teachings he grew up with, thru a different perspective. He says he feels reborn in his relationship with God, and that it is an affirming relationship, as opposed to the hate filled one that Reverend Tripard preached. He can never be content with that again, so he just prays that his father will someday break free, and find his own way."
Kelly felt somewhat responsible for the breakup of their family, but she knew that in the end there was nothing she could have done differently. She believed with all her heart that Tom, Billy and Aunt Jessica were now in a happier and healthier place then they would have been otherwise. Though she was sure she would not want to run across Uncle Bob in a dark alley.
December 15th — The annual chorus trip to the senior centers, was once again accompanied by Reverend Tripard and his minions, and their regular protest. But at least there were no tense greetings from the administrators. They knew what was coming in advance, and they had decided that the chorus event tradition was more important to their seniors, then worrying about what I was wearing. The reception the chorus gets from the seniors is overwhelming.
January 11th — Got my driving permit today!
March 3rd — It was two years ago today, that I first told my Mom about Kelly. I didn't even have a name for myself yet. I just knew that I needed something else. Mom and Dad have been really great. I've been on the puberty blockers for about 20 months. We are starting to talk about next steps. I'll be 17 in July, and will have been full time as Kelly for two years. There is no going back to being Jason, but am I ready to move on to hormone replacement therapy yet? I sure think I am, I want to start to grow my own breasts! Julie, Meghan, Kathy and Sue are all so beautiful. They are practically adults, already, and me, I still look like a little kid. Sometimes Julie gets frustrated with me… I know what she wants, and I remember before I started taking the blockers, what it felt like to be … well aroused. But I haven't felt like that since the first couple of months after I started taking them. I love her, but I'm not ready for … Julie is though. She says she understands… I guess that's another reason for me to start.
But Mom and Dad aren't so sure, and I need their approval to move forward. Dr. Daniels, won't approve it until I have completed two years anyway, though, he doesn't really believe there will be any change in my attitude between now and then. Mom and Dad don't either, but they know that once I start taking female hormones, there is no going back. My only real concern for me, is the one that I started with two years ago, I still want to be a parent someday. If I stop taking the blocker, I'll start to go back into male puberty, and will produce sperm. If I commit to going thru puberty as Kelly, I will never be able to do that again.
I just don't know…
Kelly read the entry again, and thought back to two weeks ago, when she had turned 17. She did have another party at the lake, on her actual birthday, and this time all the girls, including Carol had made it. That had been really special.
The day after they got back from their annual stay at the lake house, her mom had taken her for her driving test, and she had passed.
To celebrate her new license, she and Julie had gone to the movies and dinner, and she got to drive. It had been a fun night overall, and Julie had suggested that since the movie had let out a little early, and they didn't need to be home right away that they take a drive.
Kelly thought that sounded nice, so she agreed. She started to get a little nervous when Julie suggested they stop and just snuggle and talk. Kelly had been thinking a lot about starting to take the hormones though, so she had agreed, as she thought now would be a good time to mention it. She was waiting for a good time to broach the subject. Julie put the arm rest between the seats up and moved closer to Kelly, leaning her head on Kelly's shoulders.
They sat that way for a little while, just quietly. Julie turned her head slightly and kissed her on her cheek. "I love you, you know that Kelly?"
"I love you too, Julie."
Julie moved her hand across Kelly's stomach and up to her left breast. Kelly stiffened.
"Julie …"
Julie had pulled back, moved back across the seat and said, "Oh for God's sakes… let's just go home."
"Julie… please…" Kelly said, as tears started to fall.
"Look, Kelly, I'm sorry… I know better… I'm wrong, can we just go home now."
Kelly bit back what she was going to say, turned the car on and drove Julie home. As she drove home crying, she had to pull over to get under control. When she could she wiped her eyes, and went home.
She put the diary down, as the tears blurred her vision. That had been two weeks ago. Julie had not said more the three words to her in the past two weeks, and was not returning her calls.
Meghan was livid with Julie, and Kathy and Sue were trying to stay neutral. All Kelly knew was that it hurt.
Copyright (c) 2011. All Rights Reserved.
Author's Note:I want to try and pick up Kelly's story again. As you know it has been quite a while since I last updated this, and in part that has been because RL and work has been keeping me incredibly busy and tired. But the other reason was I had come to a point where the story needed to move forward. Her sophomore year simply did not provide the opportunity for anything new that I wanted to talk about, with the hormone blockers; it would have simply been more of the same.
So as you can see I'm moving the story forward a year and that will bring about the changes that come about as she starts to become an adult.
I hope that people are still interested in Kelly's story. I can't promise to post weekly, but I will be at least trying to post something on a regular basis, for now, and if I do get to a point where I can't continue to bring it to a reasonable stopping point.
As always, let me know what you think… I've missed Kelly myself, and am looking forward to seeing where this goes.
Hugs to all,
Kristy
This little song parody is about the feeling I had when I recently did a makeover photo shoot, and saw myself in the mirror for the first time, truly seeing me.
Who will buy this wonderful feeling?
Such an image I never have seen
Who will tie it up with a ribbon?
And put it in a box for me
So I can remember this amazing pleasure
Whenever things go wrong
to hold tight as a treasure
To last my whole life long
Who will buy this wonderful feeling?
I'm so high I swear I could fly
Seeing the real me in the mirror
Such a peace, I never have known
There must be someone who will buy
Who will buy this wonderful day...?
There'll never be such a revelation
as seeing me for the first time
I don't care, how much it would cost
It's cheap at half the price
Who will buy this wonderful feeling?
Seeing the real me in the mirror
Such a peace, I never have known
There must be someone who will buy
To the music of Who Will Buy from the musical Oliver.
This little song parody came to me today.
They think I am a man
My soul laid bare at a glance
This image is all they see
I wish they could see my soul dance
Why should I have to hide?
Why should I live so wrong?
When I have come so far
And struggled for so long?
If I speak, I am a target
If I stay silent, I am damned
I am a father and husband, they look to me
I am responsible for them, as they are for me
Is it fair to them, how would they feel
If something happens to me?
If I speak, we are targets
If I stay silent, I am damned
Who am I?
Can I condemn myself to living this lie?
Pretend I do not feel this dysphoria?
Never able to wear my own face
Living my life in this halfway place?
Who am I?
Can I conceal myself for evermore?
Pretend I'm not the woman I feel inside?
And must my name until I die
Be no more than an alibi?
Must I lie?
How can I ever face my fellow men?
How can I ever face myself again?
My soul dances deep inside,
I made my inner peace long ago
They gave me comfort, when I was lost
They gave me strength to journey on
Who am I?
Who am I?
I am Kristine
And so, my friends, you see it's true
I am a woman deep inside
Who am I?
Kristine… I am Kristine.
To the music of Who am I from the musical Les Miserables