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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

 

Chapter 3: Are You Sure?

THE NEXT MORNING Mom had to go to work, and I chose to sleep in. At ten though I gave in to the sunlight streaming through the windows and took a shower. My hair was still dripping wet when the doorbell rang. I pushed it out of my eyes as I opened the door to a Fed Ex deliveryman.

“Taylor Landt?” He asked.

“Yes sir,” I told him.

“I have a bunch of boxes for you, would you care to sign here first and I’ll bring them up.”

“Shouldn’t I look at them first?” I asked him.

He shrugged, “Whatever,” and began bringing me the ten boxes that contained my life in them. Most of them were larger and heavier than I would be able to have managed to unload on my own. Thankfully he wheeled them all on his dolly into the foyer of the house. I checked to make sure the boxes looked mostly undamaged, and got to work on opening them and taking the contents upstairs. I’d managed to get about five of the boxes upstairs and unloaded when the doorbell rang again.

I stood up from the drawer I was leaning over and looked through the peephole. It was Alyssa!

“Hey Alyssa,” I said opening the door and suddenly self-conscious of my still damp hair. “Come on in, I’m just unloading the rest of my stuff. It just arrived today.”

I mentally ran through my head on if there was anything ridiculously embarrassing in the remaining boxes that I didn’t want her to see. I’d already unpacked my underwear, so I figured I was safe.

“Do you need any help?” She asked me.

“Sure,” I answered with a smile.

I wanted to crawl into a ditch though as soon as we made it upstairs to my room with an armful of stuff each. I’d completely forgotten about the way the room looked.

“Are you sure you’re not a girl?” she asked sternly, hands on her hips.

I groaned, “Yes I’m sure... I guess this was the paint scheme from the family before us,” I noticed her face was smiling now. “You knew that didn’t you...” I added.

“Jessica was a cute kid… it’s too bad her parents were so screwed up. She was nine, and this room was like her dream come true for all of the month they lived here,” she told me. Her face was a bit sad about it. “It suits you well too though,” she giggled.

I stuck my tongue out at her. She laughed, and the two of us got to setting up my room more. Most of the boxes had contained clothes, books, a few toys that I just couldn’t bear to throw away, and a lot of various music related items.Among the toys was a stuffed teddy bear that my mom and I had put together at Build-A-Bear Workshop when I was five. It was one of the last things we had done together before she had left us. It didn’t help my ‘boy’ status with Alyssa, because it had a dress on.

“Okay Taylor, what’s the story?” Alyssa said as she held it up to me with a grin.

I blushed, but was determined to come out of this okay. “On my fifth birthday Mom and I went to Build-A-Bear. I saw the bear and decided it was the one I wanted.”

“Okay, the bear I can understand... but?”

I knew that the white dress with multi-colored polka dots was confusing her. I shrugged, “I told my mom that it looked like a ‘girl bear’ to me, and I insisted that we dress it as a girl. I don’t know why the bear struck me as a girl, but I insisted that she be dressed in a dress.”

“What’s her name?” She smiled, how did she know that my bear had a name...?

“Allie,” I responded.

“Cute!” She didn’t seem to be judging me about it, and instead carefully lay her down on my pillow.

“Well now that you know all of my most embarrassing secrets,” I muttered, “You want something to drink?”

“Sure,” she smiled. She followed me downstairs and the two of us enjoyed a glass of iced tea before continuing through the boxes.

When we came to my well packed French Horn we did the best we could to avoid having packing peanuts everywhere. “Can I see?” She asked excitedly.

“Sure,” I answered and let her open the case.

“It’s beautiful,” she said with a bit of awe as she opened the case. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen one quite like it.”I showed her how to attach the removable bell. It was a gorgeous horn that my dad had given me for Christmas last year. It was a red brass color that looked like rose gold. It sounded absolutely beautiful, and I loved playing on it. I could see her drooling and handed her a spare mouthpiece after I washed it off.

“Here, go for it,” I told her.

She played a few scales and a piece of music she remembered from band last year. I was sad that she wasn’t even close to being in my league. Alyssa looked like she enjoyed playing on it though. After she finished I took my horn apart and put it away. She was helping me put away the music in the box when she asked, “You can play this stuff?”

I nodded. “I’ve been playing and taking lessons since fifth grade.” I didn’t mention that for the last two years they’d been with the principal player of the symphony in Atlanta. While not Cleveland, they were pretty good, and my lessons had left me able to play really well. My teacher had been trying to get in touch with the principal player of Cleveland before I left, but hadn’t had any luck yet. I was hoping by the end of the summer to be taking lessons again, even if it meant driving an hour into Cleveland each week.

She gave me a look like I was nuts as she rifled through the pieces. “Mr. Brandt is going to love having you in the band!” she told me with a big smile.

“Both of us!” I said smiling back. She helped me file away my music downstairs into a pile in my new ‘practice studio’ as she called it. I liked the sound of it actually, and began thinking of ways to make it a more comfortable place to practice. It took us another hour of moving things around, but we had all of my stuff out of the boxes, and put away in my room. I even managed to squeeze my iMac onto the dresser and kept my MacBook Air next to it! I was determined however to get an actual desk soon. The idea of staring at my reflection while working on the computer just didn’t seem right for some reason.

Alyssa invited me over for lunch and I discovered she could make macaroni and cheese with the best of them. “So what do you want to do the rest of the afternoon?” She asked me.

I was kind of surprised that she planned on continuing to hang out with me. I figured she’d grow tired of me soon.

“I don’t know,” I told her. “I figured it would be kind of a boring summer when I moved out here, and hadn’t really planned to do much.”

She looked thoughtful for a moment, “You heard me play earlier, but you never played anything...” Alyssa had this hopeful look in her eyes that made me feel like I was going to be beating a baby puppy if I said no.

I hesitated for a moment, and answered, “Okay.”

She smiled and seemed genuinely excited. I just didn’t want to be seen as showing off... I may have gotten the wrong impression, but my guess was that I was going to easily be the best horn player at this new high school. The two of us cleaned up the dishes from the macaroni and cheese at her house. “Do you have a horn here too?” I asked her.

“Umm... yes, but it’s not as pretty as yours...”

“That’s fine, why don’t you grab it, and maybe we’ll play some duets or something,” I suggested to her. She had a scared look on her face, “I’ll even trade horns with you for the duets if you want,” I added. That was enough to do it!

She dragged me upstairs to her room to grab it, and I forced myself to look away from a bra that was sitting out on her bed. I didn’t want to seem like some creepy guy staring at her underwear. We weren’t in her room long enough for her to notice my discomfort though as she found her horn in the closet, and we went back over to my house and into the basement.

Luckily I had a good music stand and a couple of folding chairs down there, so I didn’t need to track anything else down. I opened up my case and put the bell on my horn. I grabbed my favorite mouthpiece out of the case and twisted it into the horn. In the meantime Alyssa had plopped down in one of the two chairs I’d set up with her horn in its case beside her.

“What do you want to hear me play?” I asked.

“You said you took lessons?”

I nodded.

“What were you working on there?”

I sighed. I wondered if she’d ask this one. “The last piece was called the Hindemith Horn Concerto,” I told her and began searching through my stacks of music for the piece. I grabbed the Strauss Concerto I’d played for Solo and Ensemble too, and a stack of duet books my teacher and I used to play through.

I sat the Hindemith and the Strauss on the stand and opened up the Hindemith. I played through the last movement of the Hindemith, as the first couples were kind of hard to understand fully without the accompaniment. When I finished playing her eyes looked wider than humanly possible.

“And you let me play in front of you?!?!?” She asked semi-horrified.

“Why would that be a problem,” I feigned ignorance.

“Because you’re like... amazing!”

“You’re good too,” I told her.

“Not that good.”

“What do you consider to be ‘that good,’ then?”

I just smiled, I had no answer. “Get your horn out, let’s play some duets.”

“I can’t keep up with that,” she told me.

I laughed, “I didn’t used to be able to either, come on get it out and we’ll trade horns for the duets,” I told her with a smile. My horn really was pretty enough to get her over herself. She pulled her horn and mouthpiece out of the case and I pulled mine out of my horn and we traded. I tried not to grimace on the outside, this is what my horn from the school used to look like. It was old and dented, with a nickel finish that had long since begun to be scratched off. Still, at least it was a double horn, I’d been afraid she only had a single.

She looked happy to have my horn to play with, and so I shrugged it off and grabbed the easiest book I had. “That doesn’t look too bad,” she said.

“I hoped you’d say that,” I told her with a smile. We played through the first duet, and were fairly quickly flying through the first book. Before I knew it we’d played through all of the easy stuff I had, and began looking at some more interesting things.

I had no idea how much time had flown by, until Mom came in and said, “You two sound good together.”

“Taylor is amazing Mrs. Redding!” she said. “I don’t know anyone that can play that well.”

“This is actually the first time I’ve heard Taylor play,” she admitted.

“I’ll play again for you at some point Mom,” I said guiltily.

“Alyssa, I was just coming to get Taylor to go get something to eat, do you want to join us?”

Alyssa smiled at me, and said, “Sure, if it’s alright with my parents.”

“Do you need to borrow our phone?” Mom asked.

It was a silly question; because of course Alyssa had her cell phone in her pocket. We went upstairs and she pulled it out of her pocket, calling her mom, who was still at work to ask permission. “Mom, Taylor’s mom wants to know if I can go to dinner with them.” I heard her work out the details for a few moments before she said, “Okay mom, see you later,” she finished.

“Everything okay?” my mom asked.

“Yep, let’s go!” Alyssa said with a smile.

As we left the house, I had to wonder where we were going to go. Apparently Alyssa was wondering the same thing, “Where are we going?” she asked mom. She named an Italian sounding restaurant, “Oh cool, I like that place,” she said with a smile.

It wasn’t far, as it was still in Conneaut, and looked like a cozy restaurant. La Trattoria was the restaurants’ name, and it was a short walk away from the town’s square. An older waiter dressed in a nice suit seated us at a booth. Alyssa and I slid into one side on the opposite side of Mom, and I found myself looking at an authentic Italian menu that was complete with names I could barely pronounce.

“Madam, what would you like to drink?” he asked my mom first.

“An iced tea please,” she replied.

“And you two ladies?” he asked the two of us. I could feel Alyssa fighting a giggle.

“Same,” she said through a grin.

I just smiled and said, “Me too.”

I wanted to poke her in the side, but I didn’t feel like I quite knew her well enough. Instead I turned to glare at her. She was smiling widely.

“So how often does this happen?” She asked me.

“What do you think?” I replied.

“You could shave your hair off,” Mom said quietly.

“No.” I responded. “I’m not cutting my hair...” I paused, “I really don’t think it would help either.”

I went silent and studied my menu. Chicken parmigiana seemed safe, so when the waiter came back and asked, “And what would you like to have, miss?” I answered him, and just ignored the ‘miss’ part.

I stopped pouting when he brought back some bread for our table, and began talking animatedly with Alyssa again. I noticed at one point that my mom was just watching us interact, not saying anything, but suppressing a giggle it seemed. Amusingly, about the time I said, “What?” quizzically, Alyssa’s voice was in unison with mine.

Mom just shook her head, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think the two of you have been friends for a lot longer than the two days you’ve known each other!”

If she had planned to explain more she didn’t get a chance, the waiter chose that moment to drop off our food. The food was very good, and I found myself distracted by it quickly. At the end of dinner I needed to go to the bathroom, but didn’t really want to go there with the waiter so sure I was a girl. Alyssa noticed something funky was going on with me, and whispered, “What’s wrong?”

I whispered back, “This is where I really hate this whole mistaken girl thing, I need to go to the bathroom, but I don’t want to go into the men’s room and have people look at me like I shouldn’t be there...”

She looked thoughtful for a second, “We’ll be right back,” she said as she pushed me out of the booth and very forwardly pushed me towards the bathroom. I just about squealed as she pushed me towards the women’s door.

“Are you crazy?” I whispered.

“Just sit down, pee, and make sure you flush, you’ll be fine.”

“What about Mom?”

“She’s busy waiting for the check. It’s either this, or explain the rest of it to the waiter since he’s coming over here.”

That decided it, and I wanted to die in embarrassment. There were three empty stalls in the bathroom, and I took the one that was the farthest against the wall. I did as she said and sat to pee, and wiped like I could hear her next to me. I emerged from the stall, washed my hands quickly, and then held the door open for a lady and her young daughter as they came in front of me at the door. They didn’t even bat an eye on my being in the bathroom, but the mom said, “Thanks,” to me.

My heart was racing outside the door, was Alyssa crazy? I watched a very large man come out of the men’s restroom that didn’t look like he’d shaved in a week. He gave me a look that suddenly made me feel very conscious of my temporary solitude. I looked back at the door behind me just as it opened, and Alyssa came out. The two of us returned to the table with my mom just standing up to leave.

“Better?” She asked without knowing what had transpired. I just nodded. The three of us headed out, and caught a goodbye from the waiter on the way out.

“Anything you want to do before we head home?” Mom asked after we climbed into the car.

“What is there to do here?” I asked honestly.

Alyssa shrugged, “Not much.”

“Just head home then?” I suggested.

Everyone decided that was the best option and I found myself talking to Alyssa about a movie that was coming out in the theaters on Friday. “My friends and I were talking about going to it, you should come with us!” she insisted.

“Maybe,” I said, not sure about meeting her friends. I didn’t generally do people well, Alyssa was so far the only exception I’d really encountered.

When we drove into our driveway we could see that her parents’ main car was gone. “Why don’t you come over to our house until they come home?” My mom suggested. She seemed to be latching on to Alyssa as much as I was.

“Okay,” she said with a smile. “I need to get my horn from Taylor’s practice room anyway,” she added.

The two of us ended up going downstairs for it, and then plopping down on the floor in my practice room. Thankfully there was carpet laid down already. “You really need to get some bean bag chairs or something,” Alyssa suggested.

“That’s a great idea,” I agreed. “Mom was talking about repainting my room, maybe we can work on that this weekend and we’ll hit somewhere for something like that.”

“You should so take me with you!” she suggested.

“I’d love to have you there for moral support,” I agreed. “Why do you want to hang out with me though?”

“You’re really cool Taylor, and you’re really nice...” She paused, “I have a feeling you don’t even see how awesome you are.”

I sighed.

“No really, you are,” she insisted.

“Only a crazy person would think that...” I said with a smile.

“Well, I won’t lie and say my friends don’t think I’m crazy,” she said with a bright smile, “but I honestly think that’s the truth. Maybe coming up here is good for you to get a fresh start,” she added.

“A fresh start at what though?” I asked.

“I’m guessing down in Atlanta you were always trying to be your father’s son... and everyone expected that you should be him. Give this town a chance, and I think they’ll give you a chance too.”

“I hope you’re right Alyssa. I’m tired of being the outcast.” I told her honestly.

“Have you ever thought about...?” she paused and then clammed up. “Never mind, that would be weird.”

“What?” I asked. Both intrigued and scared to death about what she might have been thinking.

She looked at me... “Not now... I’ll tell you tomorrow?” She suggested. I didn’t know why she couldn’t tell me tonight, but I’d learned enough about her in the last couple days that I didn’t figure I could make her talk if she didn’t want to.

“Okay,” I said. “Does that mean you want to hang out tomorrow?” I asked in slight surprise.

“Of course!” She told me with a smile, “You’re by far the most fun friend I’ve made in a while!”

I smiled at her, “Me too,” I told her. There was silence for a moment, and then I thought about something. “Say, do you like to jog at all?”

“A little, I actually prefer aerobics and cycling more.” She told me.

“I need to start back into jogging again, or I’m going to lose my habits, would you like to go with me tomorrow morning?”

She looked at me for a second before answering, “Sure, but you can’t leave me in the dust!”

“I’m not that fast,” I replied.

“Meet on the sidewalk at seven?” she suggested.

“Sounds good,” I told her.

Mom chose that moment to come down the stairs, “Alyssa, your parents’ just drove up to your house.”

“Thanks for letting me know,” she replied.

I walked with her up to the door and said, “See you in the morning,”

As I closed the door I checked out my phone and saw it was after nine already. I was startled when it chose that moment to ring, with my dad’s face showing on the screen. “Hey Dad,” I said as I swiped the bar to answer the phone. He was checking up on me, and making sure that I was doing okay. He told me again that he really didn’t want to see me move away, even though he knew I was right and I wouldn’t be seeing much of him until after January even if I was home. I’m sure it still didn’t make it any easier on him for me to leave. We talked for forty-five minutes before I said, “Dad, I need to go to bed. I’m going to go jogging with my friend next door tomorrow morning.”

He sounded a little bit offended on one hand, but ecstatic that I had used the words ‘friend next door,’ so he said good night, and said he’d talk to me more in a day or so. He was flying to a summer sports camp the next day to coach some high school students, so I wasn’t sure if I would actually be able to catch him or not.

Before I went to bed that night I took care to remember to do a few things I’d forgotten the last couple nights. Allergy pills were a must, as my skin kept itching more and more for some reason up here in Ohio. ‘Maybe my body is just allergic to Ohio,’ I mused. I also made sure to brush my hair back out, as I didn’t want it to be a mess of tangles again like it had been this morning. I stared at myself in the mirror for a brief moment, with my hair out of the ponytail, and grimaced at how unlike my dad I was. ‘At least I got his eyes,’ I told myself before leaving the bathroom. Everyone seemed to always think they were our best physical trait.

I grabbed Allie from my pillow and considered placing her on my dresser. I had done my best to convince Dad and Rachel that I didn’t sleep with her anymore… but the truth was I still preferred to fall asleep with her clutched tight to my body. I would have carried her in my suitcase, but I had been so worried Rachel would find a way to throw her away in a last ditch effort of spite that I’d hidden her in one of my boxes. Ever since I’d had her she’d always seemed to be an important friend that I couldn’t be without. I felt sillier about it as I grew older, but that night I hugged her tight and didn’t care about what Rachel, Dad, Mom, or anyone else thought.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 4: Maybe Not

I WOKE UP to the sound of my phone’s alarm at six forty-five, and dragged myself out of bed. My typical jogging clothes consisted of a pair of black running shorts that were fairly short, and a white short-sleeve, Under Armour compression shirt. I’d been jogging and training in similar clothes for as long as I could remember. I took a moment to put my ponytail a little higher up on my head before heading downstairs.

Mom was eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast, she looked up and her mouth froze for a second. She recovered quickly though and said, “Do you want anything to eat before you go out?”

For a second I wondered what had shocked her, but I knew it was the shirt. It was showing something that I had been trying to ignore since the day I fought with Rachel. I’d already been on edge because of that when she had started in on me about my hair. Since she seemed okay with ignoring what she saw for the moment I replied normally, “No,” and held up the Power Bar I had just about finished for her to see, “I don’t normally eat a lot before I go out. It makes it harder to run,” I added.

I filled a water bottle at the sink with cold water. I was just about to step out of the kitchen area into the hallway when she called back, “Taylor, how long do you think you’ll be out?”

“I dunno,” I started, “It depends on Alyssa. I usually go out for about an hour or so,” I added.

“Okay,” she said, before adding, “I’ll be here when you get back.” She gave an odd pause before adding, “Have a good run!” Her voice sounded stressed about something — I was pretty sure I knew what though.

I briefly debated about going upstairs and putting a different shirt on, but knew from experience that I preferred running in this one. It was already pushing ninety degrees outside when I left the air-conditioning and saw Alyssa just coming out of her front door too. She bent down to tie her shoe laces before looking back up at me. She had a quizzical expression on her face for a second before saying, “You ready?”

“Yep,” I told her.

The two of us set off jogging along a sidewalk leading towards a nearby park for about ten minutes side by side. Our pace was slow enough as we jogged that we were able to do some idle chitchat. “It’s been a while since I’ve been out jogging,” she admitted to me.

“You said you do aerobics and cycling mainly?” I asked.

“Uh-huh,” she said. “My dad, mom, and I do a lot of riding normally,” she told me.

“Like mountain bikes?” I asked.

She shook her head, “Road bikes,” she paused for a breath, “we ride each weekend usually, and do some races.”

“Are you guys good?” I asked.

“Dad used to be what’s called a category two racer, but he’s slipped back a bit since he wasn’t as serious. Mom does it more for fun than anything, but she’s won a few races over the years too.”

“And you?”

I glanced over and noticed she was kind of flushed, but I didn’t know if that was the running or not. “I do pretty well, I’ve won a few races this season,” she said.

“So I have a feeling you’re ‘pretty good’ at cycling like I’m ‘pretty good’ at horn,” I asked.

She blushed, I could tell this time, and said, “I guess so.”

We talked about her cycling for a while, and I learned why I didn’t see any cheerleading stuff all over her walls like I would have expected. “I did it through last year, but I hate the cattiness of all of the girls. Plus, the practices and performances took up a lot of my time. I just about made myself insane trying to keep up with everything.”

“I guess I can understand that.” I replied.

We kept the pace fairly light all the way through till we got to the park she had guided us to. Every now and then we saw someone that she recognized and she waved at them, but we didn’t ever stop to talk. As we turned back towards home she said, “I’ll have to get you out on a bike with me at some point.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to do something with you that I’m better at,” she said with a smile. “You’re holding back right now aren’t you?”

“Kind of,” I admitted.

“Well, show me how out of shape I am,” she replied as she increased her pace and her stride to pull ahead of me.

I laughed a bit and increased my pace to overtake her. I had a much shorter stride than her, but I had a lot more speed. I didn’t want to completely leave her in my dust though, so I didn’t take off completely. I ran up to the sidewalk where we had started and turned to see her running behind me out of breath. In the meantime I was sweating, but could have pushed it a lot faster. No reason to make my new friend hate me though…

“So not fair,” she told me while gasping, “I’m almost a foot taller than you and you can outrun me!”

I just laughed a bit.

“Do you have a bike?” She asked me with an evil gleam in her eye.

“Not here,” I smiled at her, “and I only have a mountain bike back home.”

“Hmm...” she mused. “We’ll have to do something about that. Anyway, I need a shower, you want to come over after lunch and hang out at my place?”

“Sure,” I told her.

As I walked in the door I was kind of surprised to see my mom still sitting in the same place as she was earlier. “Did you have a good run?” She asked as I put my water bottle down on the counter.

“It was fun, I didn’t run full out though,” I told her.

She smiled at me, “Glad to see you got at least some speed from your dad.” She hesitated before saying, “Umm… Taylor, I have something I need to ask you about…”

‘Crap,’ I said to myself. ‘I know where this is going…’

“Actually… two something’s,” she said. She walked over beside me and said, “I can’t help but notice right now that it looks like you have…” she had probably spent the last hour trying to decide how to say this, and I decided to help her out.

“Breasts growing?” I said with my face going red.

“Yeah,” she said. There was a really awkward pause for a moment. “How long have they been growing?” she asked as she led me to the couch and sat down next to me.

“About four weeks that I’ve noticed,” I said in a small voice, I could feel tears streaming down my face. I’d been hiding this since I discovered the small bumps, and had been terrified of talking to my dad or Rachel about it. It’s not that I thought Dad would be unsupportive; I was just really embarrassed about it. Rachel hated my looks as it was, and I worried she’d really be mean about it. I’d settled for wearing baggy shirts most of the time, and done my best to deal with the discomfort of the buds with Benadryl cream and calmed myself by learning about the condition online. Supposedly it wasn’t that odd for boys to grow breasts during puberty… Of course the fact I’d first noticed them on the day I’d fought so bad with Rachel was probably part of why I’d gone off on her.

“Is this part of why you chose to come live with me?” She asked while putting her arms around my shoulders and drawing me closer into her.

“Uh-huh,” was about all I could get out.

She rocked me in her arms for several minutes saying reassuring things. I felt so ashamed of everything, but also more secure than I’d felt since she’d left me years ago. Once I managed to get my heaving and tears under control she grabbed a glass of water for me. “First things first,” she told me, “I want to take a look and see how much you really have grown.”

I nodded, and by silent agreement we went upstairs and away from the windows in the living room. Once we reached my room I pulled my sweat-drenched shirt off. I watched her eyes and knew that it was just as bad as I’d feared. She prodded gently a little bit and asked if it hurt, “A little, mainly my skin keeps itching.”

Mom nodded and gave me another hug. She kissed the top of my head, “Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll see if I can get an appointment for the doctor.”

“Don’t you need to go to work?” I asked.

“I don’t have anything scheduled for today that I can’t get done tomorrow,” she told me with a smile. “Besides, even if I had something really important, you’re more important than anything else.”

I bit my tongue to avoid starting to cry again. I had dealt with some serious abandonment issues with her over the years… it made me feel loved to have her say that. I grabbed a set of clothes from my room and went across the hall to my bathroom. I showered and did my best to continue to ignore the issues that were growing larger every day. The girls at school definitely had larger breasts than I did, but I knew that they were much larger than a boy should ever have. At the same time I knew developmentally I was way behind the boys my age, which didn’t help things at all.

I stepped out of the shower and attempted to avoid looking at myself, instead just getting dressed as quickly as I could. I took the hair dryer my mom had thoughtfully left on the counter and used it and my brush in conjunction to dry it faster. I felt self-conscious as I looked at my reflection in the mirror and imagined that anyone who didn’t know better would assume I was a young girl doing her hair.

‘What is so bad about that?’ I asked myself, not for the first time. I knew I had some major issues and my body just kept taunting me. I finished brushing my hair and tied it back behind my head in a low ponytail again like normal. I sighed as I looked at my face, it didn’t help my self-esteem that I didn’t even have peach fuzz on my face. I pulled my shirt tight to my sides and watched as the offending bumps showed. ‘No wonder everyone thinks I’m a girl…’ I thought to myself. ‘Although I had been doing a really good job of hiding them up until today… Why in the world didn’t I wear a different shirt?’

I didn’t know the answer to that question. Maybe deep down I had wanted my mom to notice. I couldn’t just come right out and say, ‘Hey Mom, I’m growing boobs!’ In a way though, I guess I had done that. I wanted to crawl back to my room and hide, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good. I took one more look with my shirt pulled tight and loosened it back up. They weren’t sticking straight out anymore, but they were still noticeable to me.

I went downstairs to find my mom talking on the phone. “You have a space in thirty minutes?” She was saying, “Okay, we’ll be right over there, thanks Anna!”

She looked up as she pressed the button to hang up. “That was my doctor’s office, I got you an appointment for today, but we need to leave now,” she told me. There was something in her eyes that made me think she was just as scared about all of this as I was.

“Okay,” I answered before walking back upstairs to grab my phone. After that we went to the garage, climbed in her car, and took off for the doctor’s office. Mom suggested I have a seat while she went up to the receptionist to sign me in. I could probably answer all of the questions better than her, but I listened to her. She’d been cool enough to not start screaming at me this morning about it.

She brought back a stack of forms to fill out about my past, and I was impressed that she was able to answer the boxes without asking me. Somehow Mom seemed to know about every little thing I’d been through in the past few years, including a couple notes about my last few doctors’ visits checking up on my lack of a growth spurt. She did ask about a couple shots that she wasn’t sure if I’d had. I remembered having a few of them, but one I told Mom to leave a question mark next to. Mom took the clipboard back up to the receptionist and returned to sit next to me.

I had my iPhone out and decided to text Alyssa.

‘Hey, this is Taylor,’ I told her. I thought I had given her my number, but I wasn’t sure if she’d programmed it in or not.

‘Hey, wassup?’

‘I’m at the doctor’

We continued texting back and forth so I could let her know I wouldn’t be over right after lunch like we’d planned. I didn’t tell her the specifics though. I had a feeling she would guess, but that wasn’t something you discussed via text messages! I knew I would have to at least tell her something when I saw her later, assuming she didn’t ambush me about the big issue first.

“Taylor?” A nurse asked as a door opened to go to the back of the doctor’s office.

My mom and I stood up and went back with her to an open alcove down the hallway. “Please take your shoes off and step on this scale,” she directed me. I watched her slide the weights back and forth, before it balanced on sixty-two pounds. ‘Great, I lost three pounds since my last doctors’ visit.’ If I was a normal weight for a thirteen year old boy that might not be a problem…

She had me sit down and checked my blood pressure, pulse, temperature, and wrote down numbers that were within the norms for all of those. “Okay Taylor, let’s get you into a room,” she told me. The nurse led us to a room and handed me a hospital gown, “Please change into this, remove all of your clothing please,” she said politely. I was surprised she hadn’t asked me about the nature of my visit, but given Mom calling the doctor earlier I suspected she already had it written down.

‘This is so embarrassing,’ I told myself as I changed into the gown. Mom had been polite enough to step out for just a minute while I stripped. She came back in just before the doctor.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Moore,” the middle-aged lady introduced herself.

“I’m Taylor,” I said stupidly. ‘Of course she knows that.’

She made a bit of small talk with my mother and I before she got down to business, “What brings you both in today?”

“Umm… I’m growing breasts,” I told her.

She raised her eyebrow and looked at my chart again. I could picture certain facts leaping from the page at her, ‘Male’, ‘Age 13,’ ’62 lbs,’ ‘4’ 7”.’ I watched her face twist a bit, and she asked me to lay down on the table. The next ten minutes were beyond embarrassing as she touched, prodded, and examined the lumps forming on my chest. She also began examining my genitalia. I thought she prodded around down there more than up top, and her face didn’t look any less concerned as she asked me to sit up.

“Taylor, I need to ask you a few questions that are going to be kind of embarrassing for you, but I need honest answers,” she told me.

I nodded. “Your mom can leave if you want,” she told me. A part of me wanted to say I wanted that, but she was my mom after all.

“It’s okay, she can stay…” I told her.

I saw mom smile reassuringly at me before turning back to Dr. Moore. “I don’t think your testes have ever descended, is that correct?”

“No, the doctor back in Atlanta claimed it wasn’t time to be worried about it though. I might just be a late ‘bloomer’,” I told her.

“Have you ever had an erection?”

‘Gah, now I see what she meant about embarrassing!’ I thought to myself before saying, “No, I haven’t.” She looked at me as if asking if I was telling the truth or not. “Really,” I told her.

She asked a few other questions about my diet, exercise, and finally had a nurse come and draw blood. After the nurse was done she asked, “Taylor, have you ever had an ultrasound, or anything done on your abdomen?”

I shook my head, and felt my eyes open wide, “No… Is there something seriously wrong with me?” I asked, feeling more than slightly panicked now.

“I don’t know,” she told me. I appreciated the fact she didn’t lie to me. “You should have begun to grow and develop male secondary characteristics by now. I can understand why your doctor decided to wait before becoming more concerned six months ago, but I think it’s time to start checking out possible reasons why you aren’t developing.”

I hung my head down a bit, “Will it hurt?” I asked in a small voice.

“No Taylor, not at all. If anything it’ll just be a little bit cold. I do have the equipment down the hall and would like to go and run one now if you don’t mind.”

I sighed, “If you think I need it.” I told her.

“Give me a few minutes to get the room and the equipment ready,” she told me.

Mom came over and held my hand, “It’ll be okay sweetie,” she told me.

“Should I call Dad yet?” I asked her. I was really scared at this point.

“Why don’t you wait until we know if something is actually wrong,” she suggested. I wondered if she was panicked that he would try and take me back home if something was wrong. I gripped her hand tightly all the way down the hallway to the machine. I was genuinely freaking out. Four weeks ago I’d started noticing I was growing breasts, and now I had a doctor that seemed genuinely concerned with all of the evidence put together.

The doctor pulled a blanket over me to attempt to give me some modesty as she put the very cold device over my abdomen. She watched the screen without comment, but a couple raises of her eyebrows made me clutch my mom’s hand all the more. I noticed a time code running along the screen, and guessed that meant she was recording the sonogram. She put a bit more jelly on the device before running it over my lower parts as well, and then turned the machine off. She helped wipe the disgusting jelly off of me, and then led me back to the first room.

“Ms. Redding, why don’t we give Taylor a few moments to change, and then we’ll discuss where we go from here.”

As they left the room I had a feeling she had something she didn’t want to tell me without warning my mom first. ‘Do I have cancer?’ I asked the room as I took my time putting my clothes back on. I sat down on the table and hugged my knees to my face as I waited for the two to return. I didn’t wait long before a courtesy knock rang at the door and they both came in.

“Taylor, I don’t know any way to make this easier to hear, but I have some concerns about what I saw on the sonogram.”

“I have cancer don’t I…” I said while fighting back tears.

“I don’t think so Taylor,” she said, “but it is serious in its own way.”

‘Not cancer? Well that can’t make the news bad, can it?’ I asked myself.

“Taylor, I want to have you see some colleagues of mine at The Cleveland Clinic check you out more, but I think that you may be growing breasts for a reason.”

“Huh?”

“Taylor, it’s not common, but in rare cases a boy may end up having girl parts inside of him…” she started while watching my face, “and it’s also possible for a girl to have boy genitals form in the womb as well.”

“You mean I’m a boy with ovaries and a uterus, or I really am a mixed up girl with a penis?” I asked shocked. I felt like I should be crying now, but I didn’t know what to make of this. I did really well in biology in school, so I could sort of grasp at what she had seen.

“Something like that,” she said with a friendly expression. She took my hand, “Taylor, you’re in no immediate medical danger that I can see, but this is something we need to get to the bottom of. I’m sending those blood samples off for a variety of tests. I also want to do a swab for DNA testing before you leave.”She gave me a prescription for an ointment to put on my nipples to help with the irritation. She continued on for about ten minutes before having to move on to other patients after doing a swab inside my cheek.

“Hang in there Taylor,” she told me with a smile.

Mom signed me out of the office, paying the deductible on my appointment and the procedure, before we walked out to the car. “I’m scared Mommy,” I said, reverting to what I had called her before she left me in Atlanta.

“I know honey, I know,” she told me as she hugged me and let me cry in her arms across the drivers’ console of the car.

WHEN I EVENTUALLY stopped sobbing, we drove away. Mom had found a bottle of water somewhere and handed it to me. I guzzled it down greedily, and decided I should call and tell Dad.

“Hello, you’ve reached Jake Landt. I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name, number, and a message, I’ll get back to you when I can.”

After the beep I said, “Dad, it’s me… I have something I need to talk to you about, could you please call me back as soon as you get this? Thanks.”

Mom reached over and grabbed my hand to give it a squeeze, “He’s probably working with those kids.”

I nodded. She drove through the streets and I looked numbly at the clock on my iPhone. It was already two in the afternoon. I hadn’t eaten a real breakfast, and it was way after I normally ate. “Mom is there some place we can stop and eat?” I asked.

“Burger King work?” she asked.

I just nodded and stared off through the window. I’d been getting called a girl or a sissy for a long time. I had learned to mostly let it blow over and go home to cry. My dad loved me a lot, I had no doubt about it, but I knew it bothered him to at least a little extent that I wasn’t growing up to be a man to follow his footsteps. Rachel had of course made her position known to me about everything too…

But what if the problem wasn’t that I was a terrible boy… Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a boy? I mentally looked down below and had a hard time believing that it’s possible those parts were a mistake. Sure they didn’t seem to work right yet… but they could, right?

What if the parts inside me were the ones that were supposed to work…?

“Do you want to get the food and take it home, or eat here?” Mom asked gently. I think she was probably just as freaked out at the moment as I was, but she smiled and tried to make me feel better.

I shrugged, “Just take it home?”

“Okay,” she told me. She ordered what I wanted and something for herself, before driving back home.

I managed to eat half of the Whopper and the French fries before I couldn’t eat anymore. My bedroom sounded like a safe sanctuary, but before I could make an excuse to go upstairs the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” I told Mom. It was an excuse to leave the food at least.

Through the peephole I could see Alyssa standing outside, looking anxious. I opened the door, “Hi Taylor,” she told me with a smile. She hadn’t known me for more than two days, but something in my expression was enough to give her instant insight that something was wrong.

I could see her face flicker in recognition of that fact for a second before I said, “Hi Alyssa, come in.”

I knew she was going to want to know what I’d been to the doctors for, and I wanted to tell her, but I didn’t want to tell her around Mom. I led her down the hallway so I could see Mom at the kitchen table. “Mom, Alyssa and I are going to go upstairs to my room to talk,” I told her.

“Okay Taylor, are you finished with your lunch?” She asked in reply.

“Oh… umm… yeah,” I told her. I felt bad that I hadn’t finished, and moved to clear it.

“Don’t worry about it sweetheart, I’ll take care of it,” she said.

“Thanks,” I said.

Alyssa and I went upstairs and I sat down on my bed, trying to decide what I was going to tell her.

“So what’s going on?” she asked hesitantly.

I sighed. “I think you probably figured out the reason for the doctors visit this morning when we went jogging.” I pulled my shirt close to my body for effect, “I’ve noticed that they’ve been growing for about four weeks, but I haven’t said anything to my dad, step-mom, or anyone about them.”

She nodded, “After I had finally decided that you were telling me the truth, that you were really a boy, I have to admit I was thrown again from that.”

“Tell me about it…” I sighed and looked down at my feet. We had both sat down on the floor, the carpet was pretty plush, and were facing each other. I had my arms around my knees, clutched to my chest, and I had to admit I wasn’t exactly sending boy signals anywhere.

“So, is it just you growing boobies?” she asked with a smile, trying to make me smile.

“I had hoped it was that simple… and I think that’s part of why I wore that shirt today, was so Mom would see them. It’s not exactly easy to go up to your mom, who you’ve barely seen over the last eight years, and say, ‘Hey Mom, I’m growing breasts!’” She snickered a little. I wanted to glare at her, but it was sort of funny.

“Wait, you said you hoped it was that simple?” She seemed to be suspecting other problems.

“Yeah, I hoped.” I sat in silence for a moment, and being an incredible friend she didn’t say anything to close the noise gap. I went on after a moment, “The doctor said it’s not uncommon for boys to start developing breasts during puberty. But, she asked me a lot of other questions that made her start to worry.” I paused again. Alyssa grabbed my hand to hold it in support. I just gave her a weak smile.

“I’ve never developed… elsewhere… and never had any sort of… umm… normal boy things happening…” I hoped I didn’t have to say anything more there. She nodded in understanding, “So she decided to run a sonogram on my abdomen and down lower.”

I found myself biting the inside of my lip now. She looked at me with concern in her eyes, and so far at least she hadn’t freaked. “So did they find something?” Alyssa asked me gently.

I nodded and could feel the tears streaming down my face, “It looks like I’m a true freak, it looks like I have a set of ovaries and a penis…”

She gave me a hug and I found myself crying in her shoulder. Mom walked in to check on us at that moment and hugged me as well.

I’M NOT REALLY sure of how long we remained like that, only that the vibration of my iPhone and the sound of it ringing brought me back to reality. I wiped my nose and eyes with my shirt really quick and answered my dad. ‘What am I going to tell him?’ I asked myself.

“Hi Dad,” I told him weakly.

“Taylor what’s wrong?” He asked with concern in his voice. I never left voicemails for him, and the strain in my voice as I answered told him there was something serious.

“A lot,” I said. I didn’t really know how to tell him this.

Mom must have sensed this, because she said, “Taylor, why don’t you hand me the phone?”

“Dad I’m going to have Mom tell you,” I said like the coward I was.

Mom took the phone from me and began speaking to him. I was sort of surprised she didn’t leave the room for it, but I appreciated her staying in the room.

“Hi Jake,” She said politely. I could only hear her side of the conversation. “Umm… I don’t really know that I can break this any easier than Taylor could have. This morning he went to go jogging with a friend from next door. He was wearing one of those form fitting Under Armour shirts. When I looked at him I saw something wasn’t quite right…” she seemed to think about her next words carefully, “He looked like he had breasts,” she finished.

“I know, I couldn’t believe it either,” she told him. She went on for a while and filled him in on her taking me to the doctor, and what she had said. “We’re going to be going in for more tests later this week or next week,” she told him. They spoke for a few more moments before she handed me the phone back.

“Taylor, I’m so sorry I’m not there right now,” he told me. “I should have noticed before you left, why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, not angry, but clearly worried.

“Dad, how would you have felt going up to Grandpa and telling him you were growing boobs?” I could picture my dad’s face as he thought about that.

“Not very comfortable,” he admitted.

“And I couldn’t tell Rachel… she already thinks I’m a sissy…” I trailed off. I really did try to keep from treating her like the wicked stepmother when I spoke with him. The two of them really did love each other, and she wasn’t that bad — most of the time.

“No she doesn’t,” he said.

“Well maybe she was sort of right… Dad…” I didn’t know how to ask the question.

“Yes Taylor?”

“What happens if I’m really a girl?” I was really concerned about what he would think then.

“Then my child that I love so much, will be my beautiful baby girl then,” he told me. I sensed he was making an effort on the words, but I knew he meant them. “Well, not so much of a baby,” he added.

“I’m scared,” I admitted.

“Don’t be, it’ll work out, I know it will. Do you want to come home?” He asked. I know he probably hoped I’d say so.

“Not really Dad, I’ve made a really great friend,” I said squeezing Alyssa’s hand, “and I want to give Conneaut, and Mom a chance,” I added.

“If I need to I can come up for a few days to go to the doctor with you,” he told me with concern.

“No Dad, it won’t do either of us any good — and you need to be at that summer camp, those kids can learn a lot from you,” I added the last part, firmly believing it. There was silence for a moment, before I heard a whistle being blown. “Dad if you need to get back to practice go ahead — I’ll talk to you more later.”

“Taylor, I love you very much. I know that we’ll get through this, don’t worry about it. I guess I’ll talk to you later. Let me know if you need anything!”

“I will, thanks Dad, I love you too,” I finished and hung up.

I could feel fresh tears coming out of my eyes, but I needed to get in control of myself. “I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be back,” I told Alyssa and Mom.

“I actually need to go into the office for a few minutes; will you be okay without me?” Mom asked.

I nodded, “As long as Alyssa can hang out,” I suggested towards her.

“Of course Taylor,” Alyssa said with a smile.

I went across the hallway to the bathroom and stared at my red face. I looked awful! I pulled down my zipper and made to pee, and found myself wondering what it would have been like to be born without it. ‘I wouldn’t be able to stand and pee anymore…’ I thought aimlessly to myself. I finished up and hid the confusing appendage in my underwear, washed my hands and face, and then went to find Alyssa back in my room.

“So…” she started, unsure of what my emotional state was, “what do you want to do?”

I just shrugged, “I don’t really know. I’m so confused about this stuff that I’m afraid I won’t be much fun for anything.”

She seemed to think for a second, “Taylor…” she paused, as if wondering if she should ask me, “I was wondering…” she paused again.

“Just ask me,” I told her.

“Could I see them?” she asked tentatively.

It didn’t take me long to guess what she was asking to see. “I guess,” I said tentatively. I pulled my shirt up so she could see.

“Wow,” she said amazed. “Those are bigger than I thought they were this morning,” she said with a smile, before I pulled my shirt back down, ashamed. She hugged me.

“Taylor it’s okay, and there’s nothing wrong with you there,” she told me.

“What is your definition of nothing wrong with me?” I asked her.

She didn’t answer.

I sighed, “I just don’t know what’s going on. Everyone has thought I was a girl for most of my life when they’ve seen me… you certain thought it when you met me.” I added. “Then finding out that I may actually be a girl, well it’s scary,” I admitted.

“Why is it so scary to be a girl?” she asked me.

I was dumbfounded. “Because, I’ve grown up thinking I was a boy,” I admitted.

“Any other reason?” she asked.

I shrugged, “I wouldn’t know how to be one.”

“You’d just have to be yourself!” she said.

I sighed, “Probably.”

She stared at me for a moment, and I could see the wheels grinding in her head. “I’ve got it,” she said.

“What?” I asked.

“Come on, let’s go to my house,” she told me. I was in no mood to go anywhere, but at the same time I didn’t want to be alone so I followed her out.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 5: What It Would Be Like

I GRABBED MY key, iPhone, locked the door as we left, and followed her up to her room. “What are we doing?” I asked.

“Just sit down for a minute,” she told me. She went into her closet and began digging through things. I had no idea what she was up to, and ended up staring blankly at a bra she had left sitting hanging on a dresser knob.

‘Should I be wearing those?’ I asked myself. I had little doubt that if I was a girl I would be by now. ‘Would it make them feel better?’ I found myself wondering.

“Okay, so Taylor you are not allowed to freak out on me,” she told me a few minutes later.

“I’m not allowed to freak out on you?” I repeated dumbly. “After you haven’t freaked out on me, I think that’s the least I owe you,” I replied.

She smiled at me and said, “Okay then. You are worried that if you really are a girl, what you would do?”

“Sort of,” I hesitated. I was beginning to guess why she had been digging through her closet.

“Well, let’s see!” she told me. She held up a bright blue, layered skirt, and a white sleeveless t-shirt that matched with it up to it. I couldn’t help but notice the lacy accents to the top of the shirt and the sleeves. It was girlie with a capital G. I looked at her and for the first time noticed she was wearing something similar to it.

I stared at her for a moment, I had guessed where she was going, but I still couldn’t believe it. ‘What’s there to lose?’ I asked myself, and fought an internal battle for several moments. I decided that a practical question was at least in order, “Umm… Alyssa, aren’t you a lot bigger than I am? Your clothes aren’t going to fit me very well,” I told her timidly.

“Now I am, but this is from a couple years ago before I grew…” she said. She seemed to be testing a pond of ice to determine if she was going to slip through.

I sighed, “It can’t hurt,” I told her. Truth be told, I was kind of curious to see how ugly of a girl I would be. I might very well be doomed to a crash course in girlhood, might as well get a head start.

She squealed slightly and bounced on her heels. “Great!” she told me. She seemed to think for a moment and went to her dresser and dug around for a moment. “I think this bra should fit you pretty well actually.” I was embarrassed by the fact she just handed it to me like it was any other clothing. I was worried it was going to smoke and catch on fire in my hands. She noticed and laughed, “It’s okay Taylor,” she said. She dug around a bit more and found an old pair of purple panties from somewhere in her drawer that she seemed to think would fit.

“Okay, I’ll turn around, and you get dressed.” She told me as she handed me the final piece for clothing too.

I sat stunned for a moment with the pile of clothes before shrugging and setting down the clothes on the bed. She turned around, true to her word, and I found myself as red as a beet. I kicked my flip-flops off; before I pulled my shorts, underwear, and t-shirt off fairly quickly.

‘You’re already growing breasts, and have ovaries, what’s this going to hurt?’ I asked myself before hurriedly putting on the panties. It didn’t have the same kind of tag as my underwear — these were printed on like a t-shirt. I figured the writing would go in back. The skirt had elastic to hold up the waist, so I just pulled it up to my waist and tried to follow the same tag rule.

I stared at the bra for a moment, unsure of how to put the device on. I figured the cups obviously went over my breasts, and my arms went through the straps… I got to that point and couldn’t quite figure out how you were supposed to snap the two clips together behind your back. I sat there contorting my arms for several minutes before I felt the two hooks catch.

“Are you almost dressed?” Alyssa pressed excitedly.

“Almost, give me a moment more,” I told her with a sigh. I looked down at my chest and found myself surprised at how well my little boobs filled the bra. I knew the guys at school would have killed to get a view like this from a girl… I shook my head and moved for the final piece of clothing. I pulled the t-shirt over my head. I snagged the rubber band I had holding my hair in its ponytail as it came down.

“Okay,” I said aloud as I pulled the rubber band out of my hair the rest of the way.

“Wow!”

“That bad huh?” I asked.

She had a mirror on her makeup cabinet that I was getting ready to look at, but she said “Hold on, don’t look yet!”

“Why?”

“Well if you’re trying to see if you’ll look good or not as a girl, let me get you all of the way there first.”

“What else?” I asked. She pulled the chair out from her makeup table and faced it away from the mirror it held.

“Sit,” she said simply.

As I sat down she shook her head, “Stand back up,” she told me.

I looked at her, puzzled, “Did I do something wrong?”

She brushed the back of her skirt with her hands and said, “Smooth the skirt out behind you as you sit down.” Alyssa sat down in the chair to demonstrate before having me sit again, “Much better,” she praised.

I heard her gather up some things from the dresser behind me. She stood in front of me and asked, “Taylor, do you trust me?”

“Duh,” I told her with a nervous smile.

“Okay then, put your hands out like this,” she said and she quickly attacked my fairly long nails with a file for a moment. She had me wipe them on a paper towel and then produced a bottle of nail polish that was about the same bright blue as the skirt I had on. Like the expert teenage girl she was, she had my fingernails and toenails painted in a coat of polish quickly. As they dried she sat the polish back behind me and began pulling at my hair with a hairbrush.

She had a spray bottle of water on her cabinet that she used to get it damp to play with. She messed with it for a long time, put a second coat of nail polish on my fingers and toes, and then continued with my hair. She tried a ton of looks before she found one she was happy with. I felt her add some sort of clips to my hair, but without a mirror I couldn’t see what she was doing.

I fidgeted a bit, I was feeling impatient. “Almost done,” she told me with a smile as she peaked back around from behind me. “Close your eyes,” she told me. I did it without question, and felt a bit of panic and surprise as I figured out she was putting makeup on my face. ‘Not that the nail polish wasn’t already something you were going to have to take care of later…’ I told myself. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to see when she finished treating me like a human Barbie Doll. If I looked pretty that would be horrifying to whatever side of my body might be male. On the other hand if I looked ugly and was supposed to be a girl… well that would be pretty terrible too!

“You can open your eyes now,” she told me as she clipped a necklace closed behind me. I found my knees and hands shaking as I felt pressure on each of my ears as she clipped a pair of clip-on earrings onto my ears.

“Okay Taylor, stand up and let’s see,” She told me as she came around and grabbed my shaking hand.

I looked at the girl standing next to Alyssa and froze.

“No way!” was my whispered reaction. I felt my hand move to my face and noticed how the color seemed to go well with my eyes. Alyssa had put a light brown eye shadow with green glitter on my eyes that made them stand out. I just stood there in shock for several moments.

“Well…?” She prompted.

“I’m… I’m…” I couldn’t get the next word out.

“Pretty?”

“Yeah…” I replied.

“I knew you would be.” She said and gave me a hug. I stared at myself some more. The blue skirt went almost to my knees, probably longer than it had on Alyssa, because the top and the skirt were both still slightly too big. Not too noticeably, but as short as I had been all of my life I knew when clothes were too big.

I turned around and noticed the skirt flare out slightly like I had noticed in girls over the years. I smiled a bit as I realized that this didn’t feel wrong. Quite the opposite, it felt right. I wasn’t ready to dress like this for anyone, but if I really was a girl… well, I could deal with this.

Just then the doorbell rang downstairs. “Stay here Taylor, I’ll be right back,” Alyssa told me. I just nodded back dumbly. I still couldn’t believe that was me. I distantly recognized her footsteps disappear downstairs a return a moment later. “Taylor, it’s your mom…”

I shrieked quietly, “Oh no!!!” I said.

“Taylor, don’t panic,” she told me reassuringly. “Why don’t we go down and show her how you look,” she told me.

“But…”

“It’s okay, she won’t scream at you… I kind of already warned her,” she added guiltily.

I glared at her, but couldn’t stay mad at her. “I can see you’re going to be a bad influence on me,” I told her grudgingly.

“Me?” She acted innocent.

“Yes — you! I seem to go along with any crazy suggestions you have. We’ve only known each other for a couple days and you already have me dressing in your clothes. What’s next?” I smiled a little bit as I said it so she would know I wasn’t being too serious.

“Oh, well, don’t worry, I promise I won’t make you jump off any bridges,” she told me.

“Right…” I replied and made to walk downstairs.

“Hold on just a sec Taylor,” she stopped me.

I heard her dig through her closet again before she handed me a set of shoes that looked like a sandal crossed with a corkboard. “These are called wedges,” she told me and sat them on the ground. I placed my feet timidly in the shoes and was amused that they gave me a couple inches boost in height. She buckled a strap on each shoe before standing up and smiling at me.

“Well I guess I can cheat on my height issues if I’m really a girl,” I told her.

She laughed.

“Assuming I don’t die walking around in these,” I added.

She laughed some more and led me downstairs. I was terrified of falling enough that I kept a hand on the rail all the way down. Thankfully the shoes were strapped to my feet… if they were a flip-flop style like she had on I might have killed myself!

I found my mom standing in the entryway and watched her jaw literally drop. She rushed up to me and hugged me, “You look beautiful,” she exclaimed.

‘Well at least she’s not freaking out about me being dressed in Alyssa’s clothes,’ I thought to myself.

“Thanks,” was my reply.

She pushed me back to arms length and said, “I really mean that Taylor, you could be one of the prettiest girls your age…”

“If I was a girl…” I added.

“You might be,” she said quietly as she hugged me again.

Her purse was around her shoulder and she began digging through it for something. She pulled her own iPhone out and said, “Smile!”

“Mom!” I exclaimed in surprise as she took a picture of me. I watched the flash go and was as worried about my expression as anything.

She smiled at me.

“At least let me take one with some warning!” I said while unknowingly stomping my right foot. I heard Alyssa giggle next to me. I stuck my tongue out at her.

“Okay,” she said. “Three, Two, One,” this time I smiled and stood with my hands clasped in front of me. I had my nails showing outward as she snapped that one. I walked around her to where I could see.

“That’s a good one,” she said, and I felt my jaw drop again.

I really did look like a pretty girl! ‘I still look like a ten year old,’ I told myself, ‘but I look… more like myself,’ I admitted.

“Nice job with the makeup Alyssa,” Mom appraised as she stared at me some more.

“Thanks Ms. Redding,” she said.

“Alyssa, please call me Heather,” Mom told her.

“Umm… Okay,” she said unconvinced.

“So what do you want to do tonight, Taylor?” Mom asked.

“I don’t really know,” I said. I was kind of surprised that I didn’t feel nearly as depressed as I had a couple hours ago. I had been surprised by the clock on Mom’s iPhone that it said it was as late as it was. I looked at Alyssa for ideas and she shrugged.

“Well… I notice you’re wearing a bra…” Mom could always find ways to make my face turn red with embarrassment.

“Umm… yeah,” I told her.

“Dr. Moore made a suggestion to me while you were changing back from into your clothes earlier that with as… umm… large as you have already gotten that it might be a good idea for you to wear one regularly…”

I found my mouth involuntarily open at that. “You mean wear bras on a normal basis?”

“They don’t have to be Victoria Secret and lacey,” she told me. “They don’t even all necessarily have to be traditional bras. We could buy you some sports bras that are more like a tank top,” she added.

“A bra is a bra,” I told her unconvinced. I moved my hand unconsciously along the top tier of the skirt I was wearing and sighed. “Sure,” I told her. “Let me go upstairs and change back into my clothes.”

“Why?” Alyssa asked.

“Umm… because it would be weird to go out like this?”

“Actually I think you’ll draw less attention this way,” she replied.

“What?” I asked. I was more than slightly shocked by all of this.

“Look, yesterday you were too scared to go into the men’s restroom at that restaurant, right?” She asked.

I just nodded.

“Everyone assumes you’re a girl when you’re in boy clothes. Why would being dressed like this be a problem?” She asked. I just stared at her. “I’ll go with you guys?” She suggested.

I sighed as I looked at my mom, she nodded to everything Alyssa said. “Okay, but only if you go,” I told her.

“Great!!!” she squealed. “Let me call my parents and let them know I’m going shopping with you guys.” She ran upstairs and returned with her purse, my iPhone, and another purse in hand.

As she dialed her phone to talk to her mom she handed me my iPhone and the other purse. “Here, so you have somewhere to keep your phone and stuff,” she told me.

I turned bright red. The purse was a denim purse that wasn’t all that large. I was able to put my iPhone in it and turned an even brighter shade of red when I saw the tampon that was in there too. ‘If your ovaries were to work you would need those,’ a voice inside my head told me. I shook it to try and knock that voice into silence.

‘What in the world is going on?’ I asked myself. ‘We’re planning on going shopping with me dressed as a girl for bras to hold breasts I shouldn’t have…’

Alyssa’s mom spoke to my mom for a few minutes and then we went over to our house and climbed in the backseat of my mom’s car. I swear I saw my mom smile at me as I smoothed the skirt out underneath me as I sat down. I blushed at that. As we drove away I thought about the fact I had left my wallet and money sitting in my room upstairs, but one look at my mom’s face told me that I didn’t need it. ‘What did I get myself in to?’

THE THREE OF us ended up singing along with the radio together on the drive in to Mentor, where Alyssa thought we would have the best chance for shopping. Other than bras though, I didn’t really know what we were looking for. As Mom pulled into the mall parking lot I felt a knot in my stomach. It was only the tug of Alyssa’s hand that managed to pull me out of the car. “Don’t forget your purse,” Mom told me as I stood up.

As I slung the purse over my shoulder I couldn’t help but smile a little at the picture of the three of us going into the mall. I knew for a fact that I looked more like my mom’s little sister than her daughter. “Where are we going?” I asked.

“Well… for a bra fitting,” Mom stated the semi-obvious.

Screech! I just stopped for a second. “Umm… does that mean I have to let someone… umm… see my chest?”

Mom and Alyssa both grabbed hold of an arm and led me forward, “Of course,” Alyssa said.

“Of course,” I muttered underneath my breath. ‘This won’t be embarrassing at all…’

We continued walking until we came to a JC Penney’s store. “They should be able to fit you in here,” Mom told me. “Unless you’d rather go to Victoria’s Secret,” she added softly to me.

I turned another shade of red again. This was beyond embarrassing! The thing that bothered me though, was that I wasn’t offended… this was just my mom embarrassing me. I wasn’t bothered by any of the rest of it. Alyssa and my mom led the way to the lingerie department and my mom found a lady working there. “Is it possible for my daughter to get a bra fitting?” She said it while holding her arms around my shoulders and presented me to the lady.

‘My daughter…’ should have sounded like poison in my ears, but it really sounded quite pleasant.

“Certainly, if she’ll follow me, I’ll measure her back here.” The three of us followed her back to a dressing area and she asked me to turn around. She used a cloth tape measure underneath my breasts, and then on top.

“What size bra is this one sweetheart?” she asked.

“I don’t know, it was a hand me down,” I answered honestly. I could see Alyssa smirk to the side. She wrote down the measurements and did some quick math. “Hrmm… you definitely are ready for a bra, I’m going to have to look to find some that are in your small band size,” she said. She led the way around the department and we gathered up some options to try on.

In the end I spent a half-hour trying on bras there. We managed to find five that fit well, and thankfully four of them were pretty discreet in color. One of them was a bright pink with a white bow tied in the middle. I didn’t want to get it, but Alyssa said, “It’s pretty!” I sighed and agreed. With five bras in the crook of my mother’s arm we walked over to the athletic section of the girl’s department and picked out three white, and one black sports bra that rounded out a collection of bras that no boy should ever need to have.

We headed back to the lingerie section to checkout. “Don’t you want the panties to match this bra?” the clerk asked me while pointing to the pink one.

“Umm… sure, I didn’t see them though,” I lied. The last thing I wanted to do was her to think I was a boy.

She pointed them out. I bit my lip, “Can I get them Mommy?” I asked to disguise my absolute horror and embarrassment.

“Of course,” she smiled at me and helped me find the smallest size there was. I hoped it was small enough!

The clerk bagged up our purchases and I asked, “What now?”

“Why don’t we take these two bags back out to the car and we’ll walk through the rest of the mall?” Mom suggested.

I cringed a bit inwardly, but nodded, “Okay.” At least I didn’t have to walk around with two bags of bras though for the rest of the trip…

Mom opened the back of her SUV and I placed both of the bags down on the floor. As soon as we closed the door it was time for the real doom to start! I think the only stores we didn’t go into were the video game and Goth stores…

“Ooh! That’s a really good deal!” Alyssa said, catching my arm and pointing me towards a rack.

I followed her gaze to a rack full of shorts on sale two for one. We were in a shop that had both guys and girls clothes, but we were most definitely on the girls side. Mom saw it too, “Taylor, why don’t you try on a few pairs,” she suggested to me.

My mouth went wide, “Why?”

“I think you could use a few new pairs of shorts,” she told me.

I thought about arguing, but in a store in a mall I had no doubt that a girl not wanting to try on new clothes her mother was willing to buy her would seem weird. I sighed and said, “I guess, help me pick out a few pairs.” Mom and Alyssa went to work helping me pick out six pairs of shorts in the smallest size the store had.

“I hate to say it, but you are probably going to have to stay in girls sizes for jeans,” Alyssa told me quietly.

‘Why was I going to have to wear girls jeans at all?’ I asked myself. ‘Oh, right, might be a real girl…’

As I tried on each pair Mom and Alyssa gave their opinion. “I like that pair, they’re almost too big though,” Mom said.

“I think they’ll be okay,” I said.

“It’s close,” Alyssa replied.

We ended up getting two pairs of shorts there that seemed to be marginally smaller than the others. “You know, you can’t tell anyone where you bought them, but Justice might have better sizing,” Alyssa told me as she nudged me in the direction of a store overflowing with bubble gum pink displays.

“And why couldn’t I tell anyone where I bought them?” I asked, and added slyly, “I may never talk about this shopping trip anyway!”

She smiled at me, “It’s meant for ‘tween’ girls, like through fifth or sixth grade.”

“Oh…” I grimaced. Even as a girl I would be too short and petite to look like a real teenager!

Mom hugged my shoulders and said, “Don’t worry — we won’t buy you any of the t-shirts!” Thankfully Alyssa’s giggles weren’t loud enough to attract attention.

I saw what she meant about the logo t-shirts as we walked in, but Alyssa managed to lead us over to their jeans and shorts area. “Actually these aren’t too bad,” she said as she held a pair up to me. They looked exactly like what most of the girls in school had worn, just in a smaller size. It looked like some of the pairs even had the premade holes in them that had girls constantly sent to the office in my last school.

“Let’s try a size twelve,” she suggested and we began digging through racks. Mom also grabbed some pairs of tens on a whim too. Too soon I was in the dressing room trying on pair after pair of shorts that did seem to fit a lot better, well at least the tens. Maybe too much better! I didn’t quite realize how far the trip had grown out of hand, until Mom passed me three skirts to try on.

“Mom,” I hissed.

“Please?” She said with a smile and pleading eyes.

I sighed, “I guess.”

All three actually looked good, and before I knew it we were buying those, the shorts, some socks, a pair of pajamas, and a pair of jeans. As we left they saw some bras that might actual fit my band size a little bit better, but I protested that the others fit fine and we kept moving. I was sort of smiling as we left and walked down the mall some more. With the Justice shopping bags in hand I had no doubt my age had just decreased.

We ran through store after store, but for the most part managed to leave empty handed. An exception to that was Claire’s, where Mom got a little carried away with Alyssa’s help. I ended up with six pairs of clip-on earrings, three necklaces, several bracelets, and most importantly to them — a ton of hair accessories.

“We really need to do something with your hair,” Mom reminded me.

“I know, but I really don’t know what to do with it now,” I complained.

“I know sweetheart, thanks for being a good sport on this trip.”

All told the rest of the mall only yielded four t-shirts, I mean blouses, two tank tops, a package of four camisoles, and two sets of jogging clothes. “You might as well get a couple sets if you’re going to be dragging me jogging every morning,” Alyssa had said.

We had just returned to the car with that haul when Alyssa smacked her head with her hand. “Shoes!”

“Is that the Ohio way of saying crap?” I asked her.

She stuck her tongue out at me, and Mom said, “You’re right Alyssa, but why don’t we go ahead and get dinner first and then we’ll go back and do some shoe shopping?”

‘Thank you Mom!’ I thought loudly as my stomach growled.

“Okay,” Alyssa agreed.

When I climbed into the back seat I couldn’t help but notice the depth of the bags behind me. I remembered to smooth my skirt before I sat, and then stared out the window quietly as we drove a little ways to a restaurant. I had a feeling that if the doctor hadn’t discovered what she’d found today, I’d really think this was wrong and disgusting. ‘I probably should still feel that way,’ I reasoned to myself. The truth of the matter was that I had a lot of fun in the last couple hours. I made a much better girl than I did a boy; I had no doubt of that.

“You okay?” Alyssa asked.

“I guess…” I started, “No not really,” I added honestly.

“Should we stop?” Mom asked from the front seat.

I sighed, “No. I’m actually having a bit of fun, but that’s what worries me.”

“With everything going on today, I guess maybe we have gone a little overboard,” Alyssa admitted.

I reached over and squeezed her hand, “If this is a little overboard, I’m really scared to see a lot overboard!”

She giggled, “Just wait, I’ll show you sometime!”

“Are we going to tell Dad about this?” I asked mom.

“Not if you don’t want to,” Mom told me.

I sighed, “I hate keeping secrets from him… I don’t want him to totally freak out more though. It took everything I could do to keep him from jumping on the next plane out here earlier.”

“Taylor, I don’t think he’ll have a problem with it.” She seemed amused by something, “You know it’s a really good thing that we picked out a name that could be a boy or a girl’s name!”

“Maybe just a bit prescient?” I suggested.

“Maybe.” She said, pausing, “When you were born they had actually said you were supposed to be a girl all the way until the very last ultrasound before you were born. All of the sudden they could see that you were a boy in the image, but before that we had been preparing for a girl. The name was one we liked, and since it could work for a boy too we just kept it,” her voice had sounded a million miles away, but it made me wonder what had gone wrong.

“I think it’s a great name,” Alyssa told us with a smile.

“It is lucky though, you’re right,” I began towards Mom. “If for whatever reason this resolves into me being really a girl… well, at least the name on the paperwork I have still works.”

‘Good thing my dad is rich, and my mom is a lawyer, so that they can sort out the rest of the problems…’ I added silently.

We pulled into a chain restaurant and the hostess seated us right away. Dinner seemed to give my fears a chance to go away, and I just relaxed to enjoy being with Alyssa and my mom. Alyssa was definitely the type of person that, if I were a girl, would be my ‘BFF.’ Of course I might be.

I was famished from all of the walking around, stress from my situation, and everything else, so my food didn’t last long in front of me. It didn’t help that I’d only pecked at lunch, and never really had breakfast. My face flushed a little bit when mom said, “Take smaller bites, and don’t stuff your mouth like a chipmunk.”

I did try, but it was hard to unlearn that habit. I’d spent six of the last eight years living with my dad, who definitely didn’t take ‘smaller bites.’

‘Dad…’ I thought. ‘What in the world would he say to me right now?’ I had a good idea that his teammates would certainly not be too kind. ‘If I really am a girl, then there’s nothing wrong with this…’ I couldn’t help but adding to myself, ‘But, if I’m really a boy… does this make me gay?’ I spent the majority of dinner pounding my brain about what was going on. I had just decided I kind of liked dressing to match the way I looked except for the pain of the clip-on earrings I had on. I decided to pull them off my ears and was massaging my sore earlobes when I noticed Mom had a guilty expression on her face.

“Sweetie, I’m really sorry… We pushed you too far, didn’t we?” Mom asked.

I shrugged, “Yeah, but it’s okay,” I added while deciding to put the earrings into my purse for the rest of the trip.

“Look, we’ll finish up eating and skip going to look for shoes…” She started.

“No Mom, it’s really okay.” I told her with more conviction in my voice. “I have no clue what’s going on right now… I’m probably some sort of freak of nature,” she grimaced, “but, I don’t feel like this is wrong at all. In fact, it’s kind of nice to be dressed to match the way everyone already sees me.”

She nodded, not smiling yet.

“I mean, I don’t honestly think I could shave my head and convince people I was a boy, do you?”

Alyssa answered, “No, I’d just think you were a tomboy or a lesbian or something.”

‘Thanks Alyssa, blunt!’ I thought to myself.

“I’m not saying I’m ready to go to school like this… or even wear the new clothes every day, but I’m glad we bought them so I have the options. Especially since I have no idea what the checkbox on all of the forms for the rest of my life is going to say.”

Alyssa squeezed me in a hug from beside me, and Mom grasped my hand across the table. “You always have been way more mature for your age than anyone other child I’ve known.”

“Thanks…” I said.

“It’s too bad you can’t fit into the clothes that match your maturity,” Alyssa joked next to me.

I stuck my tongue out at her, “Not fair.”

“I think we should go back and hit Justice some more, I think some of those t-shirts would really make it obvious that you’re eight years old,” she mocked next to me.

I did the only thing I could think of in retaliation, I poked her in the side. All she did was grin back at me; there was no justice in this world. ‘Plenty of bad puns in my mind though…’ I added as I thought that.

“I take it you two are ready?” Mom asked.

“Sure,” I heard Alyssa say in unison with me. We looked at each other and giggled.

Mom drove back to the mall, and we began hunting for shoes. I don’t use the word hunting lightly! Shopping for shoes with the two of them was every bit as much of a hunt as anything my dad had drug me on as a kid. We ended up combing about half-a-dozen stores looking for more shoes than I had as a boy. After another hour of shopping we had in hand a pair of simple flip-flops, a nicer pair of white wedges kind of like I had on, a pair of decent running shoes, a pair of slippers, and a set of white and black ‘flats.’

“Do I have enough shoes yet?” I asked exasperated and tired.

“Nope!” Alyssa said.

I grimaced, “Really?”

“Really! A girl can never have too many shoes!!!”

Mom laughed and nodded.

Alyssa’s excitement in regards to shoes was kind of catching so I smiled back at her. My feet were currently dying in the wedge’s I’d worn. My shins and ankles felt like they were on fire, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to walk back to the car, let alone walk through even more shoe stores!

“Oh no!” Alyssa said suddenly.

“What?” I asked as Mom turned her head.

“Swimsuit!” She said.

“Umm… I’m not exactly planning on going swimming like this…” I told her.

“Maybe, maybe not, but you should still have something in case maybe we go down to the beach or something.”

I groaned. We were passing by Justice again and Alyssa suggested we go check in there, since the rest of their clothing had fit me better. After digging through the racks for a couple minutes we found a bikini that looked like it could have come from the juniors department of another store. “Well, go try it on!” Mom encouraged me.

To say I was mortified, well, a skirt is one thing — a bikini, something entirely different. I took off everything I had on, and slipped the bottom on. I noticed that it had a piece of tissue paper in the bottom, ‘That’s different,’ I thought to myself as I slipped it all the way up. It was a good fit, and I was kind of surprised that I couldn’t see a lump down there that could give me away. The top perplexed me for several minutes. I found out later it was called a ‘halter top,’ and it took me several tries to tie the string behind my neck.

“Mom, can you come in here…?”

She came through the door I unlatched, and breathed in deeply. “That looks great on you sweetheart!” She practically squealed. She had me turn around, and I could tell she was looking for any tell-tale signs herself. Having breasts that filled out the top didn’t hurt my fit into the suit. “Let’s show Alyssa and see what she thinks,” Mom said.

My eyes were probably as wide as they could have been, but mom dragged me out to the hallway. “What do you think?” I hear Mom ask through a fog.

“OH MY GOD! It looks great!!!” Alyssa said. “You soooo have to get it!”

I sighed, “I’ll go change and we’ll pay for it?” I looked at Mom. Today could not have been a cheap shopping trip. If this was a one-day thing, she had certainly spent way too much money on these clothes. I suppose she could always take them back if she wanted to.

As soon as Mom paid we made our way back down the mall towards the car for the final time. It had been an incredibly long day, and as soon as I sat down in the car I could feel my eyelids drooping. ‘What am I?’ was the last thing I thought as Mom pulled away.

 
 

Chapter 6: Expectations

I WAS DISORIENTED as I felt a nudge, a poke, and finally someone tickling my side! I jumped and squealed and sleepily turned towards my attacker, “Stop it,” I pouted.

“We’re home,” Alyssa told me. I looked out the window and could see we were at home in the garage already. The door was still open behind us.

“Ugh…” I complained.

“Are you this grouchy in the morning?” Alyssa asked me.

“Always,” Mom answered. I stuck my tongue out at her, that wasn’t fair!

“I guess I’ve been warned for future sleepovers!” Alyssa said bemusedly.

‘Sleepovers?’ I thought to myself. ‘Well I think Alyssa at least has decided I’m really a girl… Sure would be nice if I knew!’

“Anyway, thanks for taking me with you guys,” Alyssa told us as we all climbed out.

“Thanks for coming,” I found myself saying, before rushing over to her and giving her a hug. “Thank you,” I said more.

She hugged me back, “Anytime Taylor, I can’t imagine what this is like for you.”

We parted and I turned back to see Mom opening the back of the Escape, and a view of all of the damage from today. I gasped as I came to understand just how much stuff we really had bought!

“Come on Taylor, these bags aren’t going to make it inside on their own!” Mom told me.

I sighed and started to grab as many bags as I could for the first run inside. “Let’s just set everything in the living room for now, that way it’s not as far to the laundry room,” Mom told me as we walked in the door. It took us each three loads to get everything inside, and I could feel my eyes bugging out.

“I think this is more than I brought with me from Atlanta…”

Mom shrugged, “It might be, but if you are a girl, this is barely a start…”

I don’t know why, but I started to cry then. I found myself in my mom’s embrace, and couldn’t stop crying for the third time today. ‘What’s wrong with me?’ I asked myself as I hiccupped and couldn’t seem to stop crying, no matter what.

“Shhh, it’s okay Taylor,” I heard Mom soothe. She eventually led me to the couch and held my shoulders and head as I continued crying for an untold amount of time. When I finally managed to start to breathe again, and stopped doing more than sniffling, Mom said, “I’m sorry we pushed you so far today Taylor, we can take all of this back if you want,” she seemed to be jumping to the obvious conclusion that I didn’t want to be a girl.

I shook my head, “No, that’s just it, I liked the clothes when I tried them on earlier,” I sniffled and took a Kleenex she offered me. “I think I’m more worried if I’m supposed to be a…” I just couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Boy?” she somehow guessed correctly.

I nodded again. She sat there with me silently, waiting for me to speak. “It’s just… that I think I’m actually pretty…”

“You were until the mascara gave way,” Mom told me wryly.

I felt my hands go up involuntarily to my face. I remembered seeing a couple of ‘raccoon eyed’ girls at school before. “Oh no…!” I said.

“It’s okay Taylor, we’ll go wash your face off in a minute, go on.”

“I know you left me with Dad because you thought he would be better off money wise…”

“He was Taylor, and I don’t think I made the wrong choice,” she told me sadly. I looked in her eyes and noticed for the first time how guilt ridden they were on this subject. I had literally hated her for leaving me for the last eight years. It was only Rachel getting worse and worse that had driven me to consider the inconceivable idea of moving to live with her. I felt her squeeze me again.

“But Dad… well, we’re not even close to the same! I love him, but I’m never going to grow up and be in the NFL like him. I don’t think I’d even be allowed near the high school football team here… Not that I’d want to either…” I told her ashamed.

She gave me another hug, “You know not every boy grows up wanting to be an NFL star,” she told me.

“Most do though! And given my Dad plays the coaches all assumed I’d want to too. He never pressured me to play, and I loved him for that, but the coaches all wrongly assumed that he expected me to play.”

“I know sweetheart,” Mom sighed.

“What do you mean you know?” I asked. “How could you know any of this?”

“Taylor, when you first told your dad about wanting to move in with me, he and I had several really long conversations over the phone about all of this. Your dad is much smarter than I think you give him credit for sometimes, he really isn’t just a dumb football playing jock. That’s why I knew he would go all the way when I met him,” she added. “He’s seen all of that, and even talked to the coaches last year about it. I just don’t think it did much good with them.”

I couldn’t believe that. They’d never let up for one minute, and mid-season it had gotten worse, ‘I wonder if that was before or after that conversation?’

“And, don’t think he doesn’t know about the battles between you and Rachel either. She must have some positives, because I think he does love her, but he can see what she was doing to you. He and I decided that letting you come up here would be a good idea for your sake, because of all of that” she finished.

I was stunned, as little as the two of them seemed to have talked over the years, I think I’d been wrong about all of that. ‘I wonder how many other things I’ve been wrong about with Dad…?’

“Sweetie, I don’t know for a fact what is going to happen with your tests.” She paused and wiped away a tear from her own eye, “I do know that you do seem to have gotten much more of me in you, than your dad, and I kind of have my own intuition about everything now. If you are a boy, then that is fine, and both of us will love you no matter what. If you should have really been my little baby girl instead, well I know both of us will love you no matter what then too.” Mom reassured me.

“I’m sorry I keep making you repeat all of this,” I told her turning red. Being called a baby was always embarrassing. It brought back too many taunts from school…

She gave me another hug. “It’s okay.”

“So have you told dad about today yet?” She looked at me, and I knew she understood I meant ‘today’ now as dressing as a girl.

“No…” She paused, “I thought I’d let you decide on whether the time is right to tell him… or not.”

“I need to… at least part of it,” I replied.

“Then do so, I don’t want for you to start keeping secrets from your dad,” she smiled.

I looked up at the living room clock and saw it was already 9:30 pm. “It’s already that late?” I asked in surprise. I had glanced at my iPhone as we got out of the car it had only been eight. ‘I cried for over an hour?’ I couldn’t believe that.

“Your dad should still be up,” she reminded me. How she knew as much as she did still surprised me. “May I suggest we take care of your face first though?”

I blushed and nodded vigorously. Mom led me upstairs to her bathroom, since I didn’t have anything in mine to take makeup off! She showed me how to use a few different moist towels, some sort of eye makeup remover, and then finally another soap she had me use on my face. After about five minutes of scrubbing she pronounced my face clean. “You know, if you do end up going this route, we’re going to have to get you some of your own makeup… I didn’t even think about it while we were out,” she said while going red in the face like I always did.

“Yeah…” I trailed off. “I don’t think I could have done that today though,” I added.

She hugged me and nodded. I could see our combined reflection in the bathroom mirror and smiled a bit. If this was a mother and son, this was all wrong… but if it was really the mother and daughter that it appeared to be… well, it seemed like a cute picture. I went back downstairs and found ‘my’ purse on the table. I removed my iPhone, and was about to dial, when I had an idea, “Mom, could you please send me that picture you took of me, earlier?”

She looked at me in surprise, but found her own phone and sent me a text message with it attached. I figured I might as well show Dad if it came up in conversation. I bit my lip and debated how wise this whole thing was, before sitting down on the couch in the living room and pressing the home button down for a second. “Call Dad,” I said to my iPhone. Siri was kind enough to dial with less work from me… ‘Not that it’s much work,’ I smiled to myself. I really enjoyed playing with this phone.

“Taylor!” I heard my dad say as he picked up.

“Hi Dad,” I said, somewhat timidly.

“Are you alright?” He said with concern, “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to talk longer earlier,” he added.

“Not completely,” I answered honestly, “but I don’t think I’ll ever be quite the same after today…”

“I’m so sorry Taylor, and I hate the fact that you’re so far away right now,” he added sadly.

“It’s okay Dad,” I replied. “Honestly, I think it’s better this way… Mom knows more about boobs than you do,” I laughed, trying to lighten things up.

He chuckled on the other side of the phone. “So what did you do the rest of the day?” He asked.

“Well…” I paused. At least if he got mad he couldn’t ground me from 800 miles away. ‘He could take away your allowance I guess… Oh well, I’m not going to keep secrets from him with this,’ I told myself. “I think I told you about Alyssa?”

“Is that your new friend next door?” he asked tentatively. “Is she cute?”

“Umm… yeah,” I told him to placate him. This was going to be tough. “She came over not long after we got home and I ended up talking with her a long time before I called you this afternoon.”

“So she’s becoming a good friend?” He asked. I wondered if he could tell by the way I was talking about her that I wasn’t thinking ‘hot date’ like he was.

“Yeah, she is,” I said with a smile. “Anyway, Mom had to go into the office for a couple hours to clear up some things with a client, so Alyssa and I went back over to her house.” I wondered if I could really do this, “Alyssa talked me into seeing… well, seeing what I would look like if well, we’ve been wrong all of these years.”

“You mean, a girl?” he asked. Somewhat to my amazement he didn’t sound hurt, angry, or surprised.

“Yeah.” I said simply.

“So?” He asked.

“So?” I replied dumbly back.

“How did you look?”

“Umm… here, hold on a second,” I told him. I hit the home button to get over to the texting app, clicked on the photo, and forwarded it to him. “It took a moment to send, but I said, “See for yourself?”

It took a few moments, all silent, but the photo came in to dad’s phone, and I could hear him breathe in sharply as he looked at it. “Wow… you look just like your mother…”

“I’m sorry Dad, I won’t do it again,” I stared.

“Taylor, wait.” He said, interrupting me. I stopped, ready to listen. “Look, I told you this afternoon, if there was a mistake, and you really are my daughter, then so be it…” He stopped for a moment, and it sounded like he might have been wiping away a tear. ‘Dad, crying?’ I asked myself in surprise. “And, even if you have boy DNA, and are supposed to be just as much of a muscular Neanderthal like I am, I’d still be okay with it, if it’s who you are and who you want to be,” He added.

It was a good thing that I’d washed the rest of the mascara off of my face, because it would have just been more of a mess now. “I love you Dad,” I managed to choke out.

“And I love you too Taylor. I mean it though, if you find that you’re better off or more comfortable dressing and acting as a girl… that’s okay with me.” He seemed to be at a loss for words again, “Honestly I think you make a very pretty girl, maybe this is the way things were meant to be.”

The two of us talked for a few minutes back and forth about some other things to try and lighten up the mood. I asked him about how the summer camp was going so far. “It’s going pretty good, we have a few smart aleck high school kids that I’ve been enjoying using as tackling dummies,” I could sense the smile on his side of the phone. Dad, wasn’t just good at playing football, he loved playing it! It was definitely his passion, and I would never speak ill of that, ever.

Dad began talking about his passion and all about the plays and technique that they were teaching at the camp. Though it bored me out of my mind, I let him talk just to hear his voice. I finally asked one more question, “Umm… Dad?”

“Have you told Rachel, yet?”

“Umm…” I heard him pause, “I did tell her a little bit…”

“Why do I have the feeling that she wasn’t very nice?” I asked.

“Because you know her too well?” He said sadly. “I think she’ll come around once we have a definite diagnosis from the doctors.”

I didn’t push anymore on that. “So I guess I should probably let you get going since it’s kind of late,” I told him.

“Yeah, you should probably be getting to bed… well, so should I. We’re kicking the boys out of bed early to work out tomorrow.”

“Have fun,” I told him. I meant it too.

“I will…” he trailed off for a moment. “Umm… Taylor, I’m going to put an extra bit of money in your account tomorrow when we get a break,” he told me.

“Why?” I asked.

“Well… I figure you don’t have any girl’s clothes, right?” I smiled, and decided not to let him in on that yet.

“Not really,” I said and kind of grimaced as I looked at the sacks that Mom was quietly going through and organizing their contents on the kitchen table.

“I don’t want you to have to borrow your friend’s clothes if you decide that you want to wear girl’s things,” he told me. “Plus, your mom mentioned earlier that the doctor said a bra might help with the extra assets, and those aren’t cheap, so do what you will with it, okay?”

“Thanks,” I said. I was grateful that he’d given permission to what I’d already done today with Mom.

“Anyway, I’ll send you a text when I put it in, okay?”

“Kay, Dad, I love you.”

“I love you too Taylor. Have a good night and I’ll talk to you soon.”

I breathed in deeply as I brought my phone away from my ear. I felt better now.

“Everything okay?” Mom asked.

I stepped up to go help her with the bags, “Yes, Dad really is awesome sometimes,” I told her.

“How so?”

“Well, he didn’t freak out about seeing me in a skirt, and… well, he kind of gave me permission to do what we did today, and go shopping.” I added.

“So all of this happens tomorrow?” She suggested with a wink.

“Uh-huh,” I told her. “But, maybe we can go ahead and think about makeup tomorrow?” I asked. ‘Where in the world did that come from?’ a voice inside my head asked.

She seemed as surprised as the voice inside my head was. “Umm… sure, maybe we can go into Erie, or maybe more properly into Mayfield Heights or something,” she suggested. “I do have to go into work tomorrow though. I have two cases that are supposed to be in court in the morning.”

“I’m sorry if I kept you from those today,” I apologized.

She gave me a big hug, “Taylor, I’m so happy to actually have you back in my life I don’t mind in the least.” She ruffled my hair a little. “Maybe I’ll see if we can get an appointment to do something with your hair too while we’re at it.”

I grimaced a little, “Nothing permanent?”

She looked apologetic, “We’ll get them to do something that could be changed into a boy’s haircut?”

I thought for a second, ‘Well I want to get makeup, we’ve spent a ton of money on girls’ clothes, and most importantly I probably have girl’s parts inside, and I definitely have breasts…’ “Okay.”

“Okay then, let’s get some of this stuff washed so you can wear it tomorrow.”

We spent the next half-hour taking tags off of a set of running shorts, a sports bra, and a top to get me through the morning run, and then a couple sets of clothes that I could choose from in the morning. Mom didn’t really like washing everything all at once, but other than the bras everything went into the washer together for the next day. “It’s on ‘Cold,’ Mom, it’ll be okay.”

“Laundry lessons from your Dad…” she had complained. But, the truth was neither of us wanted to do laundry until midnight. We did take all of the hand wash stuff like my new bras, a few pairs of underwear, and my bikini over to the kitchen sink and she showed me how to hand wash them. We laid everything out to dry on some mesh drying racks before calling it a night.

It was midnight before I crawled into bed, and I couldn’t believe how much had happened in twenty-four hours.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 7: What Kind?
 
I GROANED AS I crawled out of bed and stumbled across the room and turned off the alarm on my iPhone. As I brushed a strand of hair out of my face, I caught sight of my reflection and sighed. ‘I don’t know if I’m a boy or a girl, but I swear my body is deciding girl…’ I texted Alyssa, “Run again?”

“Sure,” she replied.

“10 mins?”

“C u then”

‘What would we do without cell phones?’ I thought as I began quickly brushing my hair out. It wasn’t too bad this morning; I figured I had been so tired I hadn’t moved around a lot last night. I looked at my dresser and saw the clothes I’d planned on wearing the night before sitting out. ‘In a way I hoped yesterday was just a nightmare,’ I said to myself as I crossed the room. I took off the pajama top I’d worn last night, a purple tank top with matching shorts, and remembered why there was no way it could have been a dream. Two lumps of flesh reminded me there was no way I’d be able to think of it as a dream.

I’d tried on the bright blue sports bra the day before, so I didn’t have any problems getting it on. I adjusted the bottom band until it came to a comfortable spot just below my breasts. In just panties and a sports bra I was sure I didn’t look any different than Alyssa had when she was my height. My extra appendage, that might or might not suppose to exist, didn’t show through the panties at all. ‘Keep moving,’ I yelled at myself. I was looking forward to jogging in the hopes that my head might clear.

I quickly pulled on a tank top that matched the sports bra, and a pair of black running shorts with blue stripes that matched the top. I looked in the mirror and couldn’t help but see what everyone else had seen forever. I grabbed a pair of socks from the same pile I had left out, and sat down at the dresser to tie on my new running shoes. ‘This could mean blisters later!’ I thought to myself.

‘Of course they can just join the ones from yesterday,’ I reminded myself of the painful shoes I’d walked all over the mall in. I stared at myself and remembered I needed to put my hair up. I looked at the pile of ‘scrunchies’ that Mom and Alyssa had picked out for me yesterday, and went for a blue one that conveniently matched the blue of everything else. ‘That is a lot of blue,’ I thought as I began to tie my hair up in its normal spot. ‘What the heck?’ I thought after a second and retied it to the top of my head where I knew most girls, including Alyssa, tied it for times like this.

I shook my head and amused myself as it bounced a bit.

The doorbell downstairs kept me from staying to look at my reflection any longer. Alyssa looked at me as I opened the door and her mouth dropped open. “You look great Taylor!”

“…thanks...” was my mumbled response.

The two of us set off on the same path that we had gone the day before, and I noticed that the sports bra kept my breasts from bouncing quite as much as they had been doing. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t gigantic, but they were big enough to bounce when I ran. The Under Armour had always helped out with that some, but not this much.

“So what are you planning to do today?” Alyssa asked me.

“Other than running?”

She smiled, “Well duh, we’re already half-way through that!”

“I don’t know. Dad is supposed to put some money in my account so Mom can take me shopping for clothes so I don’t have to borrow yours,” I said with a wink.

“So I take it he was cool about it?”

“As cool as any professional linebacker can be when he’s told his only son might actually be a girl, and ‘oh, by the way, my best friend dressed me up in her clothes yesterday!’” I paused, “Actually he was really really cool about it. He never once freaked out on the phone with me yesterday.”

“It sounds like your dad is a pretty good guy,” she said.

“He is… I wish Rachel was as good.”

“Did he tell her yet?”

“It sounded like it didn’t go well to me,” I answered with a nod that I doubted she could see as she stared at the sidewalk in front of us.

“She sounds like a total witch,” Alyssa said.

“She kind of is,” I told her as two boys jogged towards us, and moved to the right to let us pass.

We were quiet for a few moments as we covered some more distance, “You know those boys were totally checking us out,” she told me.

I almost stopped.

“What?”

“Didn’t you see them?” I shook my head. “Well, at least we don’t have much to worry about from those two, they’re only eighth graders next year,” she said with disdain.

“Aren’t we ‘only’ freshmen?” I asked in reply.

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong. You and I are freshmen girls and every senior boy will be hitting on the two of us.”

I was silent. On one hand I was kind of amused; on the other hand, what would this mean? I think she realized she might have gone too far, because she changed the conversation again, “So what are you doing later?”

“I don’t know, I thought about researching whatever it is that might be wrong with me. The doctor used some term called, ‘inter-sexed’ that I want to see what it means.”

“Why didn’t you have time to look it up last night?” she asked, curious.

“I was kind of a big cry-baby for an hour or so last night,” I admitted, ashamed.

“Taylor, you know, one of the good things about being girls is that it’s okay to cry!”

“That will take some getting used to.”

“Plus, depending on what is going on inside of you, you may have that same awful mix of hormones that I do. When it’s my time of the month I’m a rollercoaster of emotions, and cry quite a bit,” she told me.

‘Hold on, wait a second,’ I thought to myself. “Time of the month?” I said. “Like you think I might be able to have periods?” I asked in shock. It had come up yesterday in my mind once, but it didn’t hit me as hard as it did now. Somehow my feet kept moving ahead, but I wondered when a shock was going to stop me dead in my tracks.

“Well if you have ovaries and a uterus, it’s possible isn’t it?”

I was stunned. I had realized that those parts might make me a girl, but I hadn’t even thought about the other consequences for them. ‘Could I get pregnant?’ I thought to myself. After a few minutes I said, “I think I really need to do some research.”

“Can I come over and help?” She asked.

There was a tiny voice inside of me, perhaps the last remaining vestigial remnant of dignity I had that was screaming, ‘No, that’ll be too embarrassing to look up stuff like that with her!!!’ But the same voice that had persistently said ‘yes’ over and over again yesterday answered, “That would be great.”

I’d barely noted that we were approaching home until we were at the sidewalk. I didn’t feel winded at all, and knew I’d have to do a harder run tomorrow to catch back up to my normal pace. “I’ll come over in half-an-hour?” she suggested.

“Sure,” I answered, and then thoughtfully added, “if I don’t come down, just come on in; I’ll leave the front door unlocked.”

She nodded and headed into her house. I climbed the stairs and walked into my bedroom. Mom had thoughtfully washed three outfits in our quick wash last night. She had even paired each with a pair of shoes so I’d have a clue on what to wear. I almost considered skipping those three altogether, but the skirt set with the short-sleeve t-shirt, I mean blouse, was enticing me. The skirt was white with some weird ruffles running diagonally from top to bottom. Alyssa had said something about it being ‘Asymmetric’ yesterday in the store. The shirt was solid green and clung a bit to my body when I tried it on yesterday. I grabbed that set, a green bra, some panties, and headed for the bathroom.

Mom had gone over some rules with bras the night before with me as we’d washed them. “You don’t have to wear the same color bra as the top you have on Taylor, but be careful if you have a thinner top or a really dark bra with a lighter top on… It can be a bit embarrassing to have everyone seeing your bra through the shirt!” That would have been enough to make my face turn red, but she added, “Unless that’s the idea sometime.” She had even winked at me as she said it. I was convinced mothers exist to embarrass their children!

I tried not to drag too long in the shower this morning. I knew there were other things I needed to get done, not least of which was figure out what to do with my hair. As I dried off with the towel I noted gratefully that I didn’t have to worry about shaving my legs even yet. Surprisingly there was very little, to no hair there even. ‘I may want to start shaving though,’ I thought to myself as I noticed a light blonde hair on my right knee.

I brushed my hair out and then got dressed. I noticed that I didn’t have any girls deodorant as I had my bra on and thought to reach for that before putting the top on. ‘I might have to start making a list,’ I thought seriously to myself. ‘I can’t believe I even have to think about this list…’ I thought more a few moments later. I tucked the top into the skirt, because it looked better that way. My hair just hung freely from my head, since I had no idea what else to do with it.

I shrugged and walked over to my room when I realized I had nothing else I could work with to get ready in there.

I jumped three feet in the air when I heard, “Hey there,” as I walked into my room. I turned to see Alyssa sitting on my bed.

“You scared me…” I said, breathing heavily.

“Well you said to come in.”

“No, it’s okay, I just didn’t think I’d been in the shower that long.”

“It’s been an hour,” she told me.

“No way!” I said, looking at the clock on my phone. ‘Dang, it has!’

“And you don’t even have your hair done yet!” She teased.

“I don’t know what to do with it,” I admitted. “Mom talked about seeing if she could make an appointment for me today, I don’t know if she’s had any luck or not.”

“What are you going to get done?” She asked excitedly.

I shrugged, “I don’t know. Something that preferably doesn’t kill any chance of this looking masculine if I turn out to be a boy.”

“You are so not a boy!” She told me with a smile. “I’m sure of it, and I’m certain that’s what the doctors are going to say too!”

“I kind of hope you’re right,” I admitted.

She smiled, “So, first research… no scratch that, first hair!” She told me coming over and lifting a few strands of my damp hair. “Then research on you,” she said.

“Then?”

“Then you and I start looking through magazines and decide what look is you!”

I must have looked like a deer in the headlights, because she said, “Come on over to my place for a little bit so we can have access to my hair stuff. We really need to get you some curling irons!”

“I guess I can add that to the list,” I told her.

“List?”

“I already realized this morning that I don’t have deodorant that’s girl appropriate,” I told her.

“Ooh, you’ll need shower gel too! What shampoo do you use?” She started asking me a bunch of questions as she had me grab ‘my’ purse which I put my phone and house key into, before heading over to her house. Alyssa found some large post-it notes that we began making a running list of essentials I needed. ‘Assuming I end up being a girl,’ I said to myself.

We spent about thirty minutes in front of her dresser, while she attacked me with curling irons. She wanted to do something a little different than she came up with, but my hair needed trimmed and layered for what she wanted to do. I stared at my pretty face, hair, and clothes in the mirror for a few moments before we walked back over to my house.

We went back up to my room and used my iMac to start searching. We started with the obvious spot and typed in ‘intersex’ into Wikipedia. Wikipedia is by no means a solid source, but it gave us enough information to gain a jump off point for more research. Google also had some different associations that seemed to be promoting viewpoints on the issue. Somehow we ended up on some transgender websites that seemed mildly bizarre.

“People want to be like me?” I asked in shock.

“Well, it would be a reason to explain their issues with their birth sex,” Alyssa suggested.

I shook my head, “I guess, but I’m personally so confused on who or what I am… I can’t imagine wanting to be this way.”

“Look at it from their side; they believe strongly that they’re members of the opposite sex with the wrong bodies. They don’t have any hope of suddenly, spontaneously, having a body that matches their mental gender. That’s got to be pretty rough too,” she told me.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I told her.

From what we could see there were several possible variations of my DNA that could have caused this. I didn’t want to get my heart set on a diagnosis though, because it could be wrong. “Well, one thing we know, I’m a freak!” I said with a slight grin to ease the tension.

“Ah… it’s okay!” She said. “Hair styles!!!” she exclaimed as we admitted defeat after a few hours of searching.

“How about lunch first, then hair styles?” I suggested as I heard my stomach grumble.

“Ooh, okay. What do you want to do for lunch?”

“Let’s go see if my mom has anything to make,” I suggested.

The two of us made our way downstairs and I began digging through my mom’s cabinets. I was surprised that they didn’t look all that much better stocked than my dad and I had before Rachel moved in. For all of her faults, at least she did enjoy cooking, so Dad and I had eaten well since then. “Hmm…” I said aloud. We had come to the freezer and thankfully found a frozen pizza. “Pizza?” I suggested.

“Not much choice, is there?” Alyssa said with a wink.

“Well, when it’s just one, or even two people it’s hard to stock up on food,” I said knowingly. We turned the oven on to the directed temperature before finding a pizza sheet and waiting for it to heat up.

“So what’s it like?” Alyssa asked.

“The whole freak thing? Or do you mean something else?” I asked teasingly.

“The, ‘my dad is a famous professional football player’ thing.”

I sighed. “Of all of the people to ever ask me this question, you’re probably the only one that cared about the answer to that question,” I told her.

“I do,” she replied.

“Well, it’s not the greatest thing in the world,” I started. “I mean yes, it’s kind of cool to go places and everyone pays attention to you because you’re with him. Hotel service is usually pretty good, waitresses in Atlanta are always really focused on him and me — well, when Rachel isn’t there, and anytime I’m with him people always part out of the way because he’s kind of big and scary looking.” I added. “I mean, being six-foot five inches is pretty big,” I made a motion with my hands, “and he has two-hundred and fifty pounds of all muscle going on. That’s not to mention the extra size he gains when he puts his football pads and helmet on!”

She smiled at that.

“But, for me, it’s pretty lonely sometimes. Mom left me with him because she knew he’d have more money to take care of me. And, I’m pretty certain she didn’t think she’d have time for me with school going on. When Dad’s in the off-season I see him every night, and he spends as much time as he can with me. During the season though, he’s gone at least a few days about every other week as they travel to away games, and I don’t usually go to those with him,” I told her.

“Did you always go to home games?”

“Pretty much,” I said, “they have a box reserved for family members that I go sit in. Sometimes I would also go to the sideline as a ball boy, but I just don’t enjoy that,” I told her.

“So do you just watch up there?”

“Mostly, sometimes I talk to the team owners, and the other family members up there.” I said, before adding, “And the occasional movie star or celebrity that comes to town and wants to see a game.”

“Seriously?!?” She asked.

I nodded. I proceeded to name off about ten of the people I’d met in the last year. “You met him?!? No way!!!” was her reaction to one of the latest teen boy rock sensations.

I nodded, “Yep, but he was fairly normal by celebrity standards.”

“Was he as cute in person as he is on TV?”

“Umm… Alyssa… I can’t say that I noticed,” I told her with my cheeks flushing red.

“Well, we’ll just have to change that,” she told me with a wink.

As about half of the time on the pizza elapsed I went and opened the oven door and turned it so it would cook evenly.

“Anything else you do?”

“Well…” I started. This would be really embarrassing to admit if I was a boy. “Ever since I’ was little people have been… confused… about me,” I told her. She nodded as if this was the most accepted fact in the universe at this point. “The cheerleaders often times come up before the games to get the daughters of the players to come down and hang out with them on the sidelines.”

Alyssa had a big Cheshire Cat grin on her face, “No way!” She said. I knew she could see where this was leading.

“They asked me, and bugged me for years. I always said no nicely, but I don’t think they ever really figured out I wasn’t a girl. I mean my hair used to even be short until I was about ten,” I told her.

She laughed a bit.

Normally that would have made me mad, but I just shrugged. My friendship with Alyssa was brand new, but it was already so much different with her than anyone else I’d been ‘friends’ with before. “I mean, I guess I can understand in retrospect,” I told her.

“So anyway, when did you give in?” She asked.

“Well, this season I was up in the press box waiting for the game to start, it was one I was pretty sure we were going to win as the other team was last in the league. My dad is friends with most of his teammates, but one guy on the offensive line is a total jerk. His son has always lived the mantra of ‘like father, like son.’ He’s the same age as me, and has been a jerk to me the entire time our dads have been on the team. Ricky was being even worse toward me that day, and I was afraid that if adults weren’t around he would be pounding me soon. He stepped away for a few moments, about the time that Jaime came up to look for the girls, and I decided I’d have a better time down with them.”

“Smart!” She told me.

“Well, sort of. I ended up getting dragged into a few cheers with them and on national television for a few moments holding up pom-poms,” I said with a blush.

“No way!?!” She breathed as the timer for the pizza went off.

“Way.” I said as I turned off the timer and opened the oven. “The worst part was that one of the girls had tied my hair up in a really high ponytail with red and white ribbons tied in my hair, just like the four girls that had been up in the box with me, and on national television.”

“Did anyone at school recognize you?” She asked me knowingly.

“No, and thankfully Ricky didn’t even seem to realize where I’d disappeared to. No the problem is that Rachel was watching the game on TV that day, instead of in the box, and figured out that I was that cute little girl with hair ribbons when she used the DVR to go back and pause it.”

“I take it she wasn’t happy?”

“The words sissy and faggot were whispered in my ear later when she thought Dad couldn’t hear,” I told her.

“What about your dad?” She asked.

I shook my head, “I pulled the ribbons out at the end of the fourth quarter and didn’t tell him about it.”

“Did you tell him what Rachel said to you?”

“What do you think?”

“No then.” She said. “How bad is she?”

“Most of the time she’s okay… but anything that could possibly threaten Dad’s reputation, and therefore her gravy train, is something she squashes in a hurry.”

I had sliced the pizza by then, and we were both taking a couple pieces on paper plates and heading to the table. I stopped by the silverware drawer and grabbed a fork and a knife. Alyssa gave me an odd look, “You want a set?”

“That’s okay,” she said. She continued to give me an odd glance as I sliced into the pizza like that. “You know, that’s weird,” she said as she picked up the piece of pizza and brought it into her mouth.

I shrugged, “I don’t like to pick it up with my hands,” I told her.

“You really are a girl,” she told me with a giggle.

I laughed a bit too.

“So the rest of the afternoon we just need to figure out what kind of girl you are.”

“Assuming I really am a girl,” I replied. My last thirteen years of being a boy weren’t going to go down without at least a bit of a fight.

She just smiled at me, and I shook my head.

“So what kind of a girl do you think I am?” I asked.

“Well… did you watch Disney movies as a kid?”

I nodded.

“Well, be honest, what was your favorite?”

I bit my lip, since as soon as she asked the question I knew this was coming. “Umm… I guess I kind of liked Beauty and the Beast,” I told her. My blush gave me away, it made lying impossible.

“Kind of?” She asked with a twinkle in her eye, “Just how often did you watch it?”

“Mom had to buy me two more DVD’s because I wore out the first one,” I admitted shamefully.

She laughed, “I think that one has always been my favorite too. Any others?”

I sighed, “Mulan and Cinderella,” I told her.

“Those were your favorites?” She asked. “Not Lion King, Shrek, Monster’s Inc, Lilo and Stitch?”

I shook my head, “Those were all okay, but I didn’t watch them over and over again like those three.”

“Okay, so that means you would have been a Disney Princess kind of girl,” she said with a smile. “Lots of princess dolls, play outfits, and from your background, trips to Disney World as a princess.” She said matter-of-factly.

I shrugged, “Maybe.” I thought for a second, “I might have also been a tom-boy with Dad being the great football player. He may have played football with me just as much since that’s what he knows how to do,” I suggested.

“Ooh, you’re right!” She bit her lip and thought for a moment. Alyssa was in such deep thought I was concerned that she was going to fry up her brain cell!

I jumped a bit at that moment as I heard the garage door open behind through the door behind where I was sitting. A moment later I heard it close again and my mom’s car door slam shut, ‘at least I hope it’s Mom,’ I thought to myself.

“Hey kids,” Mom said as she came in. She was dressed in a navy skirt suit that made her look professional, and like someone to be reckoned with.

“Hi Mom,” I told her as Alyssa also said her greeting.

“What are you two up to?”

“Taylor and I were just discussing what kind of girl she would have been as a little girl,” Alyssa said.

I groaned and mom smiled.

“All sugar and spice, and into being a little princess!” Mom said much to my embarrassment.

“Well, that’s what I thought, but she mentioned the fact she thinks her dad would have turned her inadvertently into a tom-boy.”

I noticed Mom cringe a little bit. I really did try to skip the abandonment conversations around her anymore. “Maybe, a little bit, but her dad is a softy when he’s not on the field. I suspect he wouldn’t have known what to do with her, but he would have bought her anything and everything she wanted. She would have had more tiaras than a real princess.”

I felt like I was glowing red from head to toe at this point. “I am here you know,” I told them. They didn’t get it, and just laughed.

“Okay, now the real question is would you have grown out of it by now,” Alyssa wondered aloud.

“You mean would I still be a girlie girl?”

Alyssa nodded.

“Probably,” I told her and I saw Mom nodding next to me.

“Okay then we know what kind of styles to look at now!” she said with a smile.

“Styles?” Mom asked.

“Well, Taylor mentioned you were going to try and get her a hair appointment…” she started, “and since she is clueless on what she wants, I thought we’d look through my magazines and see if anything struck us as being something that fit her.” I was surprised that she sounded less sure of herself at the end. I think she was feeling self-conscious about maybe stepping onto Mom’s turf with her new little girl.

“That sounds like a great idea Alyssa!” Mom said. “I’m kind of out of touch with teenage fashions, so if you can help us pick out a style that would be great!” Mom said the last part with too much enthusiasm for the remaining bit of male dignity I had.

“So have you heard anything from the doctor’s office?” I asked Mom.

“We have an appointment, next Wednesday morning, with a specialist at the clinic in Cleveland. They’re supposed to have the results from your blood tests done by then, and will probably want to do more tests themselves too.”

“Are they going to do surgery on me already?” I asked nervously.

“Taylor, they won’t do surgery until they know more. They need to decide whether the tissue is actually a set of organs… They’ll probably want to do some biopsies laparoscopically too before they decide to do anything…” she paused before adding, “just in case there is something wrong with the tissue.”

“Like cancer,” I mentioned. I watched her grimace, but I’d seen all of those possibilities on the internet earlier.

She just nodded. “And, I’m afraid no matter which gender they settle on, you’re bound to have surgery this year sometime.”

I just nodded; only just realizing Alyssa had reached over and held my hand.

“Back to the other matter, I did manage to get a last minute appointment at four-thirty at a salon in Cleveland, so we’ll need to leave about two-thirty to make sure we get there in time,” Mom told me.

I genuinely smiled at that. I had no idea what to expect, but I knew my hair needed work! As I looked down at my outfit I admitted I could be prettier with a better hairstyle. “So we have what, just two hours to decide my hairstyle?” I asked with forced incredulity.

“Seriously, I know it’s not nearly enough time,” Mom said, “but it’ll have to do,” she added.

Alyssa just started laughing hysterically.

I couldn’t help but smile, I was happier being with the two of them than I had been since before Mom left. It had never been like this when I’d come to visit since I’d always been nothing more than a ball of anger then. Things were so different, and I wasn’t certain why. I wondered if it was simply that I was acting like a girl… Or something else related to that. Maybe it’s that I wasn’t acting like I had to be some sort of macho man.

“Why don’t I go grab a stack of magazines and then come back over here?” Alyssa suggested, “Then all three of us can look through them?”

“That would be sweet of you Alyssa, but I just stopped by real quick to make sure Taylor was okay and let… him… umm… her know about the hair appointment.” She smiled apologetically, “I’m sorry Taylor, it’s going to take me a bit to get used to some other pronouns with you.”

I smiled back, “I understand, I’m just as confused as you.”

Alyssa chose that moment to run back to her house for a stack of magazines. Mom and I kept talking while she was gone. “You look nice sweetheart,” she told me.

“Thanks! So do you!” I said. The compliment made me feel good about myself, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Make sure you’re ready to go when I get back home,” she smiled in return.

“I will… and… umm… Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Alyssa and I have been making a list of all sorts of things that we have found that I need today. Can we stop some other places tonight to pick up some of those things?”

“Sure, like what?”

“Well, deodorant, a hair dryer, curling irons maybe, makeup?” I said the last one somewhat hopefully.

“You know, you are only thirteen, and I’m not sure I want my thirteen year old daughter plastering her face up every day,” she said.

“But you said last night, please?” I said. Honestly, if I was going to be a girl, I’d want to fit in with my friends.

“We’ll see, but I’ll be setting ground rules.” She told me.

“Like?” I asked. I wasn’t trying to push buttons, I just wanted to know what I was getting myself into rule wise.

Mom sighed, “I think you really are a girl, only a daughter would ask that question.”

I looked at her innocently, “You’re dodging the question,” I said.

“When we have some makeup lessons we’ll talk about those rules,” Mom told me. The look in her eyes told me that there was something inside her head that was ready to pop if I pushed too much more.

‘Granted she normally would have had years to prepare for her daughter to badger her on that one,’ I admitted. “Okay,” I told her. I smiled at her, and I watched her expression change to a bit more happy look.

“Well, I need to get back to work, why don’t you and Alyssa pick three finalists that you like and I’ll place my vote when I come pick you up?”

“Okay, that sounds good,” I told her.

She gave me a quick hug, and as she drove off I heard Alyssa come back through the front door. “Let’s go up to your room,” Alyssa told me, and handed me half of a large stack of magazines.

“Where in the world do we start?” I asked, intimidated by the amazing pile of magazines that I had one my floor now.

“Well, we sort of already have. We decided that you’re mostly a pretty girly girl, with maybe a bit of a tomboy side that comes out every now and then.” She smiled at me.

I smiled back at her, and promptly turned red.

“That blushing is so going to land you boys left and right!” she told me.

“We’ll see about that,” I told her.

“Oops,” she said, “sorry.”

“Well, depending on what they decide I may very well be looking that direction for dates,” I told her with my lips pursed a bit, “but until then can I just stay in the boys have cooties phase?”

“Sure,” she said, laughing at me. “Should we buy you Barbie dolls and play dress-up and house all day too?” she said with a wink.

“Okay, but I get to be the princess!” I squeaked and stomped my foot, which set off giggles from both of us.

“Okay, already, we’d better get to looking through these.” She began moving on a mission. She had a variety of teen magazines with her, and we looked for styles that either of us liked. It was kind of hard for me at first, but after Alyssa made comments on the first two magazines worth of pictures, I kind of began to get a feel for things styles that I thought I would like. We dog-eared the styles we liked for me in each picture we came across, and eventually had a pile of about ten finalists.

“So which ones to show my mom?” I asked.

“Well, as much as I like those two,” she said pointing at two that I wasn’t as fond of, “I don’t think your hair is quite long enough for them.”

I nodded. “Those two seem like I’d need to have a perm?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said.

“Maybe this time we should avoid perms?”

She looked at me questioningly.

“Just in case I’m not really a girl,” I timidly told her.

“You are definitely a girl,” she told me with a large smile, “but I guess I can see your point.”

That left us with six. “Okay, is there one that you really like?”

I was embarrassed, but one of them really did grab my attention. “That one,” I said.

“Ooh, that one would look good on you,” she told me. “That’s probably my favorite for you too,” she said.

I happened to look at the clock then and saw we only had ten minutes until Mom was supposed to pick me up! “We’re out of time!” I told her.

“Not quite yet. Okay, I like this one,” she told me pointing to another one I didn’t mind.

“Okay, and out of these four…”

“That one,” I heard her say at the same time as me. We were both pointing to the same picture.

We laughed for several minutes uncontrollably. “Okay, we’d better clean up this mess, let’s cut these pictures out of these magazines, and then you can show the stylist the one that you and your mom agree on,” she told me.

I looked longingly at the one I liked, “Don’t worry, I bet your mom picks that one,” she told me.

I smiled back at her, “It’s not fair that you’re able to read my thoughts like that.”

We stacked all of the rest of the magazines in a nice pile, and I bent to pick them up to help Alyssa carry them home.

“What are you doing?”

“I figured I’d help you take them home.”

“Keep them, read them, it’ll help you fit in better,” she told me.

“Okay,” I said simply. I heard the garage door raise downstairs and we went down to meet my mom.

“I’ll see you later,” Alyssa said as she grabbed her purse and headed out the door.

“Alyssa!” I called out to her as she just opened the front door to go.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks,” I told her with a smile.

“Anytime Taylor! Just make sure you text me pictures!” She said just before she left. I got the feeling that she thought this should be a mother/daughter day for the rest of the day. I didn’t mind, as I was kind of looking forward to it.

I carried the three pictures in hand as Mom came in the door from the garage. “Did Alyssa already leave?” Mom asked.

“Uh-huh,” I told her.

“Well, we should get going, but did you two decide on some styles?” Mom asked. There was a hint of excitement in her voice. She had to be tired from work, and worrying about me, but didn’t seem to show it then.

“Here,” I said and laid them out on kitchen table.

She stared at them for several moments, looked at me and stared, and then went back to staring at the photos, before glancing back up at me again. “This one?” she asked, pointing to the one that Alyssa and I had liked.

I smiled! “That’s what we thought!”

She smiled again at me, “I think you’ll look lovely with that cut.” She gave me a brief hug, and said, “Are you ready?”

I had my purse with my iPhone, money, debit card, and miscellaneous other items on my shoulder already. “Uh-huh,” I told her with a smile.

“Well, let’s get going then,” she told me. I couldn’t wait to see what I was going to look like in a couple hours. I was nervous about whether or not I was making the right decision, but I had a feeling that this explained everything.

The truth was, I felt like I might actually fit in as a girl. At least better than the misfit boy I’d grown up. That made me more hopeful than I had been in a long time.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 8: Shaping the Gem
 
I SPENT THE next hour of our drive buried in my iPhone, texting Alyssa, searching the internet, and playing a couple of games… but I didn’t pay attention to any of it. I realized suddenly I was just avoiding thoughts about what I was doing and whether it was right. ‘I’m a freak either way,’ I told myself. ‘Which way would I be happier?’ I asked myself.

‘That’s the part that scares me,’ I answered myself. I knew which way I thought I would be happier, and I felt like I had known it the moment that Alyssa had me dress in her clothes on Monday. I worried about what Dad would say when he actually met up with me for the first time like this. ‘Would he really be okay with me?’ Then of course there would be Rachel, I had my suspicions on how she would react — and it wouldn’t be good.

I was so consumed with my thoughts that I barely registered that we had stopped in front of a building that said, ‘Antoinette’s Salon and Day Spa.’

“We’re here,” Mom told me.

I was nearly shaking as we got out of the car and she led me inside. “Have you been here before?” I whispered quietly.

“Several times,” she told me with a smile.

She gave me a sideways squeeze as we approached a counter just beyond a set of beautiful glass doors. “My daughter Taylor has an appointment,” she told the lady.

“Of course Ms. Redding,” the lady said with a smile. She was dressed very professionally in a very flattering skirt suit. “Let me see if Alanna is ready for her,” she told us.

As she turned around I thought about the fact it seemed odd for someone at a hair salon to dress that upscale. I began to understand more though as Mom and I sat down in their waiting area and we were immediately offered beverages and cookies. The level of service was not what I expected at all from a barbershop… I guess maybe I was too used to the ten-dollar barbershop cut that my dad still liked to go for, even with his wealth and success.

“Taylor, they’re ready for you,” the hostess lady came in, not long after I made myself comfortable.

‘They’re?’ I asked silently.

Mom nudged me forward and followed me back with the lady to a room with a single swiveling chair, and a sink with a chair in front of it. The swivel chair looked like even it was a nicer chair than in the barbershop I had always been forced to go to. “Hi Ms. Landt, Ms. Redding,” the lady that waited for us said.

“Hello,” I said politely.

“What can we do for you today?” She looked at both of us.

“I’m going to leave Taylor in your hands,” Mom started, “but, this is what she would like to do with her hair.” Mom pulled the magazine page from her purse.

Alanna took the page from her hand, looked at me, looked at it and then said, “I think this would look good on you,” she smiled and added, “but would you mind if I just use this as a guideline?”

Mom took the lead, “As long as it’s close to this,” she insisted on my behalf.

“It’s going to look great,” she assured us both, and then Mom left the room. “Just sit and relax Ms. Landt, and I’ll get you looking great in a short while!”

“You may call me Taylor,” I told her. Preferring that she did, I felt like some sort of high society stuck-up snob when she used the Ms. Landt name.

“I’m sorry miss, but it’s just one of our policies and traditions here,” she told me from in front of me.

I sighed, “As you wish.”

“Well, first thing is first; let’s get your hair washed so we can get started here properly.”

She had me move over to another chair next to a sink and had me lean back as she began washing my hair. I was practically purring as she massaged my scalp, it felt so good! I was surprised, and impressed, that she never once commented on the split ends that Mom and Alyssa had both already griped about. She wrapped a towel around my head and led me back to the chair. “Just lean back and relax,” she told me.

With that I felt her move her scissors in a flash throughout my head over and over again she snipped. ‘I hope she’s not cutting it all off…’ a voice inside my head worried.

“Ms. Landt, if you don’t mind my asking, why is it that such a pretty young lady such as yourself came in here without a prettier haircut?”

I sighed, I was kind of surprised it took her that long to ask. “I’ve been living with my dad for the last eight years. I haven’t been a complete tomboy… but I guess I haven’t been that girly with my hairstyle either,” I told her, hoping it was enough to satisfy her.

“I guess I can see that then,” she said from behind me. She came around the front and winked at me, “Don’t worry, that won’t be a problem anymore!”

I smiled. Inwardly I was terrified to see how I was going to look when she was done. The good thing was that she had a blank canvas so to speak. My light brown hair came down to three inches below my shoulder, and was full and thick all the way through to those split ends that I had to assume were swiftly disappearing.

“Do you want any highlights?” Alanna asked as she continued snipping away.

“Umm… not this trip,” I told her. Until I knew I was for certain a girl, I was going to avoid more permanent things like hair coloring! Of course all of the layers in the hairstyle I’d chosen were going to cause problems too. I should still be able to put it in a ponytail just fine though.

“Okay then,” she said as she came around front again, “I think I’m just about done. Your mother asked for us to wait to show you until she’s in here.”

“That’s just cruel…” I told her.

“Well… I could let you peek,” she told me with a wink.

I shook my head, “No, that’s okay, let’s let her have her fun,” I said. “I only moved in with her this past weekend.”

“That’s sweet of you,” she said with a smile.

Someone knocked at the door and another lady came in. “Hi Ms. Landt, I’m Trina,” she daintily held out her hand. I noticed instantly she had the most pretty and interesting nails I had ever seen. It could have been art on a canvas in the museum!

“Nice to meet you,” I said to her.

“I’ll be doing your nails today,” she said with a smile.

“Okay,” I said. I was beginning to get nervous, I so wanted to see myself! I was surprised Trina didn’t ask me what I wanted on my nails. She had taken the polish Alyssa had put on off, and was filing away at a couple edges when I decided to ask. “Did my mom tell you what to do with my nails?”

She didn’t miss a beat with her file as she nodded and said, “Yes, she did.” I was a little scared but she added, “I think you’ll love it!”

I smiled at her, “If they’re anywhere near as nice as yours, I’m sure I will.”

She began with a base coat that was a light pink. It was opaque enough I could definitely tell it was painted, but it wasn’t a bright in your face color. Down towards the bass of the nail I watched her begin to use first a purple, then a pink nail polish to make little flowers on each nail. I figured she’d be done at that point, but then she started carefully applying some tiny jewels in the middle of the flowers, and colored in a wave pattern around the design leading up to about a quarter of the way from the tip of my nail. None of my fingers on one hand were the same, but they matched with the other hand when she was finished.

“Wow!!!” I exclaimed as she had put a final coat on them and I had a brief look before she had me stick my hands in some weird UV light contraption. “They’re amazing!”

Trina just smiled and moved on to my toenails. She used a similar concept on them, but went with a sparkly silver base coat underneath the designs. I hoped I could avoid damaging them anytime soon! I figured I must be getting ready to have Mom in, but another lady came and introduced herself as Evelina. She was apparently going to do my makeup for me. Other than a brief set of instructions on how to apply the makeup myself, she was in and out in under five minutes. ‘I hope I can learn to my makeup that quickly,’ I thought as Alanna returned. I still hadn’t seen my face though, so I had no clue on what I looked like now.

“Well Taylor, are you ready for your Mother to see?”

I smiled, “Uh-huh!”

She stepped out of the doorway and Mom entered. I watched her eyes open wide and her hand go to her mouth. “Oh my God,” she said with a smile. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I stood up and turned around to see myself in the mirror.

My hair now came to just above my shoulders, and skimmed it lightly. I had a ton of layers cut into my hair and I liked how it changed my entire look. The new hairstyle was completed with some side-swept bangs that I felt made me look a little bit older than I’d looked before. ‘There really is no way to make a short boy look any older,’ I thought to myself. My subtle makeup didn’t hurt that either. I didn’t look like I was going to the prom, but she had used a pretty green eye shadow that brought out my eye color.

“What do you think?” I asked as I turned back around to Mom.

“I think you look amazing,” was Mom’s response. “Thank you,” she said to Alanna who was in the room still.

“You’re welcome. It was a pleasure to work on your daughter. Perhaps if she has a big dance or something we can have her back here and do things up even more special,” she suggested. Mom and I both beamed at her, as I had the feeling that I would have many dances. Alanna then spent ten minutes showing me, and my mom, how to recreate my hair style.

She led us back down the hallway and at the front desk I was handed a bag, “These are the makeup products that Evelina used today, and some hair care products that would work well for you,” she told me.

“Thanks,” I told her. I looked at Mom and said, “Thank you,” to her with a big smile.

“You’re welcome,” she smiled as wide as she ever had with me, “let’s get going, we still have a lot of shopping to do!”

As we walked out the door I replied, “Shopping?!?!” I had added an excited tone to my voice, “Did you say shopping?”

“I think we’ve created a monster,” she said as she unlocked the doors with her remote. I placed the bag of stuff from the salon in the back of the escape, before coming around and having a seat in the front. She looked over at me again and shook her head, “You look beautiful Taylor. Dinner first?”

“I thought you were promising shopping, now it’s dinner, why do you give me these hard decisions?” I asked with overly dramatic indignation.

“Dinner it is,” she laughed. We drove over to a neighboring shopping center and we decided on dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. It was noisy inside, and I couldn’t hear anything as we waited to be seated. I noticed a few boys staring at me, and I smoothed my skirt out self-consciously. Alyssa had mentioned about being careful to not sit with my legs open in a skirt, so I was careful to cross my legs. About ten minutes later we were led over to a table.

“Enjoy your meal,” the hostess said as she left us with the gigantic menus.

The menus weren’t apparently on my mom’s mind, “Did you see those boys checking you out?” she asked nonchalantly.

I blushed, “I think so.” I admitted.

“So?”

“So what?”

“What did you think of them?”

“I was so embarrassed and worried about them that I didn’t really look at them,” I told her honestly.

“We’ll have to fix that,” Mom said with a smile.

“So where all are we going to go shop?” I asked her to change the subject.

“Well, I thought we could go to the mall nearby and see if we find anything,” she started, “and then I figure we can hit either a Giant Eagle or Target on the way home to get the rest of the items on your list that you two came up with.”

I smiled and nodded at her, “That sounds like a good plan,” I told her.

We both stared at the menu for a few minutes and I watched a few plates go by. I’d eaten at one of these places a few times in Atlanta, and remembered how I’d not even made a dent in my plate. “Mom, do you want to split something?” I suggested.

“Sure, what sounds good?” She asked.

We ended up deciding on a chicken dish with asparagus and mashed potatoes in a mushroom and wine sauce. That left us sitting in the noisy room and I had to fight the urge to play with my iPhone like I normally did at dinner. As I fought with that urge, I played a little with my bangs that now were just brushing above my right eyebrow. Mom noticed and smiled, “I think that’s a really cute hairstyle for you,” she told me.

“What are we going to tell the doctors when they see me again?” I asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, their records have that ‘M’ in them, and I have to imagine they’re going to look at me a little weird when I come in like this,” I told her.

“Sweetie, they’re going to be very curious about you no matter what,” she told me.

“I know, I’m such a freak,” I said and frowned, looking down at the table. I had a sudden urge to cry, and I wasn’t specifically sure how I was happy one second, and wanting to leave bawling like a baby the next moment.

I felt Mom’s hand reach up and bring my chin up. “Sweetie, you are not a ‘freak,’ and I never want to hear you talk like that again. Yes, your condition is certainly unusual,” she said looking at me, “but you’re not a freak. Right now, all I see is a very pretty young lady who I’m proud to call my daughter. If that young lady decides this isn’t what she wants, I’ll be very proud of whoever she decides to be.”

I fought the tears I wanted to let out. “You’re so much cooler about this than she would have been,” I told her.

“Taylor, I know what you told your dad, but what exactly happened?” Mom asked.

I sighed. “I don’t know that this is exactly the best place to talk,” I said loudly, trying to make it to where she could hear me.

“When we get home?” she suggested.

I thought for a moment and shrugged, “I guess there’s no reason not to,” I told her. “But,” I said while biting my lip a little bit, “you have to promise me not to tell Dad.”

“Taylor…”

“No Mom, it’s the deal,” I told her.

She looked concerned, “As long as it’s not something where I feel you were endangered,” she said unwillingly.

I nodded and found myself looking at my fingernails some more.

“Those really are pretty,” Mom said, “do you like the design?”

“Do I like the design?” I asked. I tried to deadpan it and was going to try and fake being angry about it, but the truth was the total opposite and I couldn’t act that well. I giggled, “Of course I like it! I love it!!!” I waved them at her, “Aren’t they so cool?”

“I’ve had her do my nails one time before, and I couldn’t believe what she was able to do.” Mom told me.

“It was fun watching her do it. I mean, at first I’m like, ‘Okay, same thing as Alyssa did,’ except the fake nails of course. But, then she starts making these random brush strokes and I figured out she was making flowers. Then the little jewels, and such… it’s just cool.”

Mom smiled, “I’m glad you like them.” She paused, “Don’t count on me paying for them to be done like that too often though!”

“Thank you again,” I said with a smile.

Our food came not long after, and I was impressed they split the plate for us beforehand. Of course they charged a split plate fee, but that was okay. We both still had some food left on the plate in front of us when we decided to admit defeat. “Dessert tonight ladies?” our waiter came back to ask.

I looked at Mom and saw we both had the deer-in-the-headlights look. “No thank you,” I smiled and said to the waiter. He had the check in hand to give to Mom, but I snagged it out of his hand first. I took a brief look in it and then laid my own cash in his hand that I had slyly snuck out of my purse. “Keep the change,” I said with a smile.

“You didn’t need to do that,” Mom told me.

“I wanted to; after all you’ve done for me!” I insisted and we walked back out to her car.

We spent a fairly successful ninety minutes at a mall that was close by, and ended up with a few other things that I really liked and couldn’t wait to wear. Mom also insisted we buy a few practical pairs of jeans, and one nicer dress that I could wear if I needed to dress up a bit. I had paused at Claire’s and thought about getting my ears pierced. A voice inside my head though said, ‘Hey!!! I’m still I here! You’re a boy!’ and I decided I wasn’t ready for that step.

Mom had also insisted that we stop inside a store called ‘Lush,’ for some bath soaps. Mom and I ended up picking up a sample of ‘bubble bars’ and ‘bath bombs’ that she insisted were to die for. “You’ll love these!!!” she told me. They weren’t cheap, but she assured me I could make multiple baths with them if I broke them up a little bit. She also insisted I get some of their sugar lip scrub.

On our way back out to Conneaut we stopped at a Target and looked for the essentials that we’d missed out on yesterday. Mom and I found a couple scents of deodorant that I liked and figured I could try them until I decided which I liked. Makeup remover, shower soap, razors and shaving gel, among other things were on the list. The two of us also raided their hair aisle for some accessories she thought would go well with my new hairstyle. That also reminded me that I needed some sort of storage space for all of that, so we found a jewelry box and a few organizer boxes to help keep everything neat and tidy in.

My iPhone began ringing in my hand about thirty minutes into the drive home, and I could see a smiling picture of my Dad’s face on it. I slid the slider to answer it and said, “Hi Dad!”

“Hey Taylor, how’s it going?” he asked.

“Pretty good, Mom and I are driving back from Cleveland where we did some shopping, got dinner, and…” I hadn’t decided if I should tell him or not. “I got a haircut,” I told him.

“Oh?” I heard him wonder into the phone.

“I like it, it seems like ‘me,’” I told him. “I’ll Facetime with you tomorrow night and show you?” I suggested.

He was kind of quiet for a moment, and said, “Sounds good Taylor.”

We talked for about twenty minutes about mostly me. He asked at one point finally if it was a girls’ haircut, and I said ‘yes.’ His only question and concern about the whole thing was whether I was happy or not. I loved my dad for that more than I can say. I didn’t ask about Rachel that night, and I don’t think that went beyond Mom’s perceptive attention. I was silent after I finished the phone call with him; ‘I miss him’ was my main thought.

It was getting late when we pulled into the driveway, nearly ten o’clock, but I owed Mom a story still. I didn’t know exactly what I was going to tell her either.

 

Chapter 9: The Truth

 
WHEN WE PULLED up to the house I was kind of surprised by how much energy I still had. Mom seemed to be fairly alert too, considering she had been at work this morning. “Taylor, why don’t we put away the things we bought today, and then you take a bath with part of one of those bubble bars?” She seemed intent on getting me hooked on them.

I nodded, “And then?”

“Then we’ll have some hot chocolate, and talk for a while?”

The ‘and talk for a while…’ part I wasn’t looking forward to. I had promised though, so the two of us quickly cleared tags off the new clothes we had bought for me. Except for the nicer dress that we had purchased, we were going to wash everything before putting it away. For now we just put it in the laundry room so I could take care of it in the morning. Mom helped me clear the tags off of the hair accessories and other goodies from Target, and then helped me set up the boxes with them in it on my dressing table, for now next to my computer.

“We need to get you a desk,” mom said, “don’t we?”

I nodded.

She looked around the room a bit before saying, “Well, we can’t do this much running around every week, but if you want, we could go to Pittsburgh and hit IKEA there on Saturday.”

“Really?!?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Cool!!!” was my excited reply. They always had a lot of neat things there, and not for the first time I wondered why my reaction seemed so girly already.

“Maybe Alyssa would want to come to?” she suggested.

“I’m sure she probably would, I hope I’m not keeping her from her other friends though,” I told her.

“She’s a smart girl, she’ll work it out.” Mom said with a smile. “Now, why don’t you go try that bath,” she insisted.

She came into the bathroom with me and turned on the faucets like I was three or something, “Mom, you know I can run a bath myself.” I said a little indignantly.

“I know,” she sighed, “I just want to show you how much of this to break off,” she finished as she grabbed the bar in question and crumbled up about a third of it in the water and then swished her hand around. Already the fragrance in the room was very sweet and sugary. “Okay, I’ll get out of your hair,” she told me.

“Mom?” I said suddenly feeling bad.

She turned around, “Yes?”

“Thank you,” I told her.

“You’re welcome sweetheart.”

I ran back across to my room while the water ran to get my pajamas and a fresh pair of panties. The water still had plenty of time to run, so I began cleaning off my face like Mom had shown me the night before. I scrubbed every inch of the makeup off of my face. She had also bought some shower caps for me, and I carefully put my hair up in one of them to avoid having to fight so hard to make it look that good in the morning.

I had done my duty as a friend and texted a picture to Alyssa on the way home of course. Her response of ‘OMG, OMG, OMG, U LOOK GR8!!!!’ had been amusing. I personally loved it as I looked at it one last time before covering it. The water had just about run to where I wanted it, and was a great temperature, when I turned it off and climbed into the bath. The smell and feel of the water was amazing. The bar had some sort of oil in it that I could feel moisturizing my skin. As far as the smell, it reminded me of sugar heated up to make cotton candy, but not too overpoweringly sweet.

I found myself relaxing a lot as I lay down in the water up to my chin.

‘I shouldn’t be enjoying this, this much,’ that annoying voice in my head said again. ‘What do you think the other boys at school and back home in Atlanta are going to say when they see you?’

‘Ask me for a date, stupid!’ was my smart reply to my doubts. ‘I’m pretty!’ and that was genuinely it. I didn’t believe I was transgendered like some of the sites we’d come across earlier, that seemed completely in a different ball game. Maybe sort of, in that I had been raised as a boy my whole life, but truthfully I felt like the whole first part of my life was just a mistake on a page right now. ‘I mean, I have ovaries and a uterus — that makes me a girl!’

With that stupid voice inside my head running away crying at this point, I began to try and figure out what I wanted to do now. Going home to Atlanta seemed like an especially bad idea in light of the changes here. I knew I could probably go to another high school and avoid people I’d known in middle school, but the truth was that my Dad was famous. There were articles about him several times a year in magazines, and all of them talked about how much he loved his son. He hated how much time football took away from me, and I know that part of how he made it up to me in his mind was always mentioning me. I even had a number of pictures in those articles with him.

The simple truth was that as soon as boys in Atlanta figured out who my Dad was, there was going to be a risk they would find out that I wasn’t always Taylor the girl. Especially since my name hadn’t changed, just the boy versus girl thing. ‘Should I use a different name now?’ I asked myself.

‘Taylor is as much a girls’ name as it is a boys’ name now,’ I told myself. ‘But, it might help confuse people more if I didn’t have the same name.’ I pondered about that for a number of minutes as the bubbles began slowly disappearing. I also found myself staring at my nails some more, they really were beyond pretty, and as I waggled them back and forth I couldn’t help but feel disappointed that I’d never had this growing up.

The bubbles were starting to wear down to the point that I could see the confusing appendage beginning to show in the clear water, and I found myself picturing what I would look like without it. I looked at it a bit more, and for the first time realized it looked a little bit different than what other boys did when I’d seen them accidentally. I wasn’t one of those boys that spent time in the locker room measuring themselves, so I don’t think I’d really noticed before. It was just there, I took it out to go pee, and then it went back inside my clothes. It never had any more meaning than that to me.

‘Maybe they can get rid of it?’ I thought. ‘If someone sees it, it’s certainly going to cause problems in a girls’ locker room.’

I decided it was time to get out of the bath and carefully dried my body, trying not to lose the pleasant feeling oils off of my body and onto the towel. I pulled on my panties, a pair of pajama shorts, and finally a camisole top that matched the shorts over my forming boobs. ‘It’s scary how much they fill out this camisole,’ I told myself. ‘I avoided the pushup bras at the store last night, but I wonder how much larger they’d make me seem…’

The last thing I did was pull my hair out of the shower cap and restore it to its’ new look. I loved how pretty it looked!

There was no doubt in my mind. For all of the confusion that had come before now, I was certain one way or another I was a girl. If that meant I was transgendered and not intersexed or whatever, well I’d take it. I liked myself, and my appearance, for the first time in my life. My height didn’t seem to be something that would be as much of a problem as a girl. Sure, Mom had to still use step stools to reach certain things, but she managed just fine being short. Girls didn’t have the stigma of being short that boys have. Oh, well they might get teased about it, but not meaningfully. There wasn’t the increased risk as much for them with violence from other girls like there had been for me with boys. And as a girl, I wouldn’t be expected to play football like Dad!

I left the bathroom and headed downstairs, finding Mom by the stove; with a teapot just singing that it was hot enough. She poured hot chocolate mix into two cups, and poured water over it, before silently motioning me towards the couch. I found myself curled up on the opposite side from her so I could face her.

“So… Why did you decide to come here, really?” she asked me after a few minutes.

“Well, I told you in general, it had to do with Rachel,” I started hesitantly. Dad did a great job of raising me, and I didn’t want to say anything that would cause problems for him.

“Yes,” she said.

“Well, Rachel isn’t a bad person, she’s not even I guess that bad of a step-mom,” started, “but she and I haven’t exactly seen eye-to-eye on things the last couple years since she and Dad married.” I took a sip of the hot chocolate and figured out it was still just a bit too hot to drink. “She loves Dad, but I think she loves him as much for his fame sometimes, as anything. If I do anything that could reflect badly on Dad, she immediately goes on a tirade towards me if he’s not around, about how I shouldn’t do anything to ruin Dad’s reputation…”

Mom nodded, not speaking.

“Anyway, things like my hair are especially sore subjects with her, since she thinks I look like a ‘fairy gay boy,’ as she put it four weeks ago,” I had a couple of stray tears in my eyes. “We fought big time about that one, and she even tried to get me to walk into a barber shop to cut it that day.” I took another sip of hot chocolate, trying to steel myself, “I refused to go in there once I saw where we were, and threw a bit of a tantrum,” I blushed a little bit. The truth was that I had looked like a six-year old throwing a fit that day, and I knew it. “I was literally kicking and screaming at her as she tried to pick me up out of the car.”

I was a bit embarrassed about this, as I knew it was below me.

“I ended up kicking her in the stomach and she called me a few choice names before getting back in the car to drive back home.” I grimaced, “All the way home she screamed at me, about how I was going to turn into my father’s son whether I wanted to or not.” I grimaced, “I was really afraid of that one,” I told Mom. “A few months before this we’d been in the doctor’s office, the three of us, to check on why I wasn’t growing yet. Rachel liked the possibility the doctor brought up of using growth hormones to kick-start everything. Especially since there was a deficiency in hormones at that point,” I added. Mom knew that part, but I don’t think she knew that Rachel wanted me on growth hormones. I saw her face change at that point.

“You’re kidding!” Mom said angrily. I could see that she was beginning to fume a bit.

“I wish I was… but the doctor strongly suggested we wait a few more months first, and Dad was of the opinion that it would be smarter to wait too. When we got home that night she spent the whole night trying to convince him that was the right way to go. He finally had enough and asked, ‘Have you asked Taylor what he thinks?’ She looked at me and I answered without asking, ‘I don’t want hormones.’ That was the end of that as far as Dad was concerned, but she was bound and determined.”

I shook a bit, “The day she had the big fight with me over the hair, I had woken up that morning to find my breasts seemed way too big. They’d been itching the last couple weeks, but that was the first day I noticed them actually growing. I had thought about asking her for advice about the time she did that to me.”

“I don’t blame you for not telling her,” Mom said.

“Well, with the way she said all of that, I was worried she was going to somehow start giving me the hormones without Dad and me knowing. And well… I couldn’t tell Dad, because he genuinely loves her,” I told Mom. “And other than this, she generally is pretty nice.”

“Sweetie, ‘this,’ is unacceptable. You should tell him about this,” she soothed as she came over and invaded the personal space I had created on the couch, wrapping me in her arms.

“I know… but I don’t know how. I don’t want to make Dad become lonely again,” I told her softly. I knew that would make her feel guilty, but it was the truth, she had left Dad. Not for bad reasons or anything, but she had left the two of us.

She gave me a hug, “I won’t tell him, but like I said, you do need to.”

“Who knows, maybe she’ll take care of the issue herself,” I said hesitantly, “I get the feeling that her comments towards me after the results from the doctor’s office were not very nice.”

“Well, I guess at least you’re not there to fight with her all of the time now,” Mom told me.

I nodded, “I couldn’t stay there anymore. I was afraid of her.”

“So, do you think she’s going to flip about you being dressed as a girl?”

“I think so… it makes her step-son, or step-daughter a freak in her mind, I don’t see her dealing well.”

“Taylor,” Mom said holding me back from her so I could see her face, “I promise you that your Dad will not let her ruin your life in any way. We may have had our disagreements in the past, but he’s a good man, and I wouldn’t have left you with him if I didn’t think so.”

I sniffled a bit and nodded.

“I have a feeling your dad has a few suspicions on this,” she told me. “Hang in there,” she added.

“I know,” I sighed.

“I’m not glad for the reason, but I’m really grateful that you decided to come live with me.”

“Me too.” I said, before pausing, “I don’t think Dad would have done well with taking me bra shopping,” I laughed.

“I have a feeling he would have been a little out of his depth there,” Mom admitted.

“Thank you Mom,” I told her. “I’m glad that you are being so cool about all of this.”

“Well, I’d always wanted a daughter,” she told me honestly.

“Mom… what happens if we find out I’m really a boy… and the extra parts are just the accident?”

“What would you like to do then?”

“I don’t know…” I hesitated, “No, I do know. I would rather be a girl. No, scratch that… I think I am a girl.”

“Then I guess it looks like I have a daughter one way or another?” she asked.

I nodded, “Don’t tell Dad about that yet, please,” I added.

“I won’t. A daughter is allowed to have some mother/daughter secrets,” she told me with a smile. We sat together for a few more minutes and I felt my eyes feeling heavy. I yawned.

Mom pushed me up out of the couch, “Come on princess, time for bed,” she told me.

“Princess?” I asked sleepily, “I like that.” I said with a smile.

“We’ll have to make up for a few missed nicknames,” she said with a light laugh as we went upstairs and turned off the lights as we went.

She actually walked with me into my bedroom and tucked me in that night. “What, no bedtime story?” I asked sweetly as she turned off the lights. She laughed and closed the door.

I didn’t fall asleep immediately though. Instead I tossed and turned and wondered what I was going to do about Dad and Rachel. I missed him so much already that I didn’t know how I really was going to make it till Christmas without seeing him. ‘I could probably fly out for a weekend anytime I want,’ I thought. ‘But then I’d have to deal with Rachel,’ I admitted to myself.

As I sat and stared about the room I thought about what things I could do with it to make it more my own. The truth was, even from the first moment I’d stepped into it, I’d loved the way it had been designed. Maybe I could throw up some other artwork on the walls. I’d have to get Alyssa to help me so I avoided it being lame. My last conscious effort that night was to pull Allie into a tighter hug.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 10: Friends
 
I EVENTUALLY MUST have fallen asleep that night, because my alarm was the next thing I knew. I really didn’t feel like running that morning, but I felt like I should. I threw on my workout clothes and put my hair up into its traditional ponytail for the run. I ran into a problem though with my bangs. I eventually found some bobby pins that we’d bought and managed to pin them to the main part of my hair that was pulled back by the scrunchie. It was a slightly different look than I’d had in the ponytail before.

I headed downstairs after texting Alyssa to let her know I was going running. She said she’d be up for it too.

“I wish you hadn’t put your hair in a ponytail, I want to see it!” She told me as she greeted me at her door.

I smiled, “Hopefully I’ll be able to get it back to the style after a shower.”

“Oh my God! Your nails are gorgeous!!!” She exclaimed when she caught sight of them. I let her have my hand to look at them more, all while smiling. “Are your toes done too?”

“Uh-huh, I can’t believe that she did them in front of me like that,” I told her.

“You mean they’re not wraps?”

“Wraps?”

“Pre-made, they just stick them on and glue them?”

“No, she glued the jewels on and painted the flowers on herself.”

“That is so awesome!” She told me.

‘I guess I know what to get her for her birthday…’ I thought to myself. ‘Whenever that is...’

“I know, right?” I said. The two of us started off on our morning jog, with me pushing it more than the last couple days.

Alyssa was really getting out of breath about half-way through, so I slowed down. “I really need to get you into cycling,” she said, “then I can make you be the one out of breath,” she told me.

“Whenever you want to try it,” I suggested.

“Really?”

“I said I would didn’t I?”

“How about we do that instead tomorrow morning?”

“As long as you have a bike I can borrow?”

“Yeah, I do. I had Dad work on it last night when he came home,” she told me.

“What am I going to wear?” I asked her teasingly.

“I definitely have a cycling jersey and shorts you can borrow,” she told me with a smile.

“I just hope I’m able to keep up enough to see your dust,” I told her.

She laughed breathlessly as we continued on the route. It wasn’t long before we arrived at our houses. “What are you up to today?” I asked her.

“Not much, you?”

“I didn’t have much planned, you mind if I come over, and we’ll do something?” I suggested.

“Any ideas?”

“Not really.”

“We’ll think of something,” she said. “I can’t wait to see your hair!” she added excitedly.

“I’ll try and do it justice from yesterday,” I told her as I went towards my house. I pulled my key out of the hidden pocket in my shorts and unlocked the front door.

Given my excitement to show off my hair I was trying to also find something that I thought would look pretty to wear. I started shoving things around in my closet with a vengeance. I didn’t have a lot of choices in there… I liked several of the outfits we’d purchased last night, but they were all in the laundry to be washed later. For so few of clothes, I was genuinely not sure what to wear!

My eyes finally settled on the least masculine piece of clothing in the closet, a sundress.

I picked it up off of the rod, and held it up to me. I’d tried it on in the store quickly, but that had lasted all of five minutes. ‘It’s pretty enough,’ I said to myself. I shrugged and decided it was ‘it.’ I remembered Alyssa saying I would need a specific bra for this dress, grabbed it, and a pair of matching panties.

The shower itself was interesting… I was determined to be as girly and pretty as possible, so I used the new razors and shave gel to shave my legs and armpits. There wasn’t much there, but I couldn’t believe the change in the sensation of the water running over them as I rinsed off. Running this morning had made my head sweat too much for me to not wash my hair, so I did that as quickly as I could. It seemed a little easier to get the shampoo and conditioner out this morning, ‘Well, she did cut a chunk of hair out.’

I clambered out of the shower as soon as I felt like I had rinsed my hair out thoroughly. I stared at my wet hair and had a moment of panic, hoping I could make my hair go back to the way it had been yesterday.

‘Breathe Taylor,’ I told myself. I started with the blow dryer, and began brushing it in place as soon as it was dry.

‘I did it!’ I exclaimed to myself a while later. My hair looked exactly like it did yesterday! I brushed my teeth, put deodorant on, and finally remembered I needed to put on my underwear and my… dress… I was nearly shaking as I put the bra on, but my dress was soon on. I thought I looked great, and I hadn’t even put makeup on yet. Sure I had done everything in the bathroom, I headed to my room and began trying to put makeup on.

I started with the primer, just like she had yesterday. Then I moved onto the foundation, ‘that’s not too hard,’ I said to myself. I then used the brush she’d given me and added a bit of the powder to finish it, and was fairly impressed with how well I’d done. There was a single shade of eye shadow in there, but I wasn’t as sure about how to apply it right. I stared at the brush for a few minutes, and decided to wait on it. The eyelash curler was something I’d watched Mom use as a little kid, and the mascara was easy enough to put on, I thought.

The only problem I ran into was that I touched the end of the mascara to my eyelid on accident! ‘Crap, crap, crap…’ I yelled at myself.

‘Get a grip, just wipe your eyelid off,’ the calm part of me said. A moment later I couldn’t see the mistake. I smiled, and so did the girl in the mirror, ‘Wow!’ I said to myself. ‘Not done yet though,’ I added. I didn’t want to go overboard with the jewelry, but I found a set of magnetic clip-on blue flowers that matched my dress, and a silver necklace with a treble clef on it to put on.

“Shoes!!!” I said aloud to myself, and bounded for my closet. The wedges I’d worn the other day came to mind, and I found my pair that we’d bought that night.

I took one more look at my reflection, then grabbed my iPhone, purse, and headed out the door to Alyssa’s. I hoped that Alyssa was as impressed with how I’d done as I was. Considering I’d been dressing as a girl for all of three days now…

I rang the doorbell and jumped as the door practically exploded off of its’ hinges. “Oh my God!!!!” Alyssa screamed, “You look great!”

I went inside to keep from causing a scene.

“You really think so?”

“You’ve got to be kidding? You looked at yourself in the mirror, right?”

“Well yeah…”

“So…”

“Okay, I’m proud of myself, but I had no idea if it wasn’t just me.”

“It’s not just you Taylor, you’re a genuine babe!” she told me with a smile. “And I’m so jealous of the haircut, I may have to get something similar done!”

I blushed a bit, “Yours looks great too,” I told her. I meant it, she really did have great looking hair.

She smiled, “It does, but I’m looking for something new I think,” she told me. “You did a really great job with your makeup too.”

“I did what I could, I have no idea how to use eye shadow, and Mom didn’t buy me much in the way of choices there,” I added.

“Well, we’ll have to fix that before school. Honestly, you have enough on for an ordinary day look,” she consoled.

“I have a feeling my mom is going to be kind of restrictive there,” I told her.

“My mom was for a while,” Alyssa said, “until I turned fourteen she didn’t want me wearing any makeup,” she said with a grimace.

“Don’t tell my mom that,” I told her, “I’m only thirteen still.”

“When is your birthday?”

“July seventeenth, a little over four weeks away!”

“We’ll have to do something special for it,” she told me.

“I’d like that, not sure though what all is going to be going on at this point,” I grimaced, “who knows if I’ll even be out of bed at that point if I have to have surgery.”

“If you do, we’ll bring the party to you!” Alyssa assured me.

“Thanks,” I said.

“What do you want to do this afternoon?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t really have any plans. At some point I probably should practice today, but other than that it’s not like I have anything I have to get done.”

“What would you think about getting together with my friends Breanna and Danielle?” She asked.

“Is that a good idea?” I asked. “Do you think they’ll figure out something is wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“That I’m not really a girl… or something…?”

“I didn’t believe it when you were trying to be a boy! I promise you’ll be fine!”

I sighed, “Sure then.”

“Cool!”

“What are we going to do?”

“Not sure yet, we’ll decide when we have everyone here.”

The next twenty minutes were a flurry of text messages from and to her friends, and I sat nervously hoping that I’d be okay and liked by her friends. They were both apparently quite bored, and the idea of meeting the ‘new girl,’ sounded like the most exciting thing since school let out the week before. It took a half-hour before they both drove up in Danielle’s moms’ car.

The doorbell rang, and Alyssa greeted them in the doorway. They jabbered for a moment, before she said, “This is Taylor.”

“Hi, nice to meet you,” I said.

“It’s so awesome to have someone new here!” Breanna said.

“Yeah, we’ll all have to go trolling the beach this weekend!” Danielle said with a smile.

Both girls were pretty, and from the cheerleading shirt that Danielle wore I was pretty sure she must be on the cheer squad. Breanna was also pretty, but seemed a little more on the nerdy side for some reason to me. The four of us ended up sitting down in their home theater room to talk.

“I love your nails!” Danielle said when she caught sight of them.

“Wow!” Breanna said, “Are those stick-ons?”

I shook my head, “No, the lady at the salon did everything by hand. Well, she glued on the little gems and pearls, but everything was done by hand.”

“That’s amazing,” Breanna breathed.

“So where are you from?” Danielle asked.

“Atlanta,” I answered.

“Why in the world did you move up here?” Breanna asked.

I was certain I was now going to be the absolute star of attention, and I had to think about what my story was supposed to be here. Alyssa of course knew the full truth, but I wasn’t going to tell everyone else that. “I’ve been living down there with my dad for eight years since Mom left and divorced him,” I started. “It was great, I loved living with him, and he’s really great…”

“But?” Danielle asked.

I sighed, “Two years ago my dad married again… and my step-mom and I don’t see eye-to-eye on a lot of things.”

“That’s rough.” Breanna said. “Boy problems?”

I couldn’t help but giggle, “Something like that.” I was amused that she was so close, yet not. “Mainly things about my appearance,” I added.

“Oh… really?” She asked, looking at me. “You look like every mothers’ dream daughter to me.”

“Maybe… but we didn’t get along very well.” I said, mentally thinking about what my step-mom’s reaction to my current appearance would be.

“Why did you live with your dad in the first place?” Danielle asked, “Don’t kids normally live stay with their moms when divorces happen?”

I had a feeling these two girls were going to be good friends, they were with Alyssa, but I hadn’t planned on getting into this with them. ‘Oh well,’ I sighed inwardly. “Mom thought I’d be better off with Dad, since he had a lot more money and income than her at the time.”

“Oh, what does he do?” Breanna prompted.

“He’s a football player,” I said.

“What do you mean?” Breanna asked.

“Like a real football player?” Danielle asked more excitedly.

I nodded, “He’s a starting linebacker for Atlanta.”

“For real???” Danielle asked. Well, it was more of an excited squeal that amounted to those words.

“Yeah, do me a favor though, and please don’t tell anyone else. If you guys weren’t close friends with Alyssa I probably wouldn’t have told you.”

“Why? That’s like totally awesome!” Danielle chimed in.

“Because having a famous dad isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” Alyssa said for me.

Both of their faces fell into both confusion and I could tell they couldn’t understand. I sighed, “It gets a little annoying when everyone knows your dad, and everyone expects you to act a certain way, or acts weirdly towards you, and stuff like that,” I thought that was a safe answer they might understand.

Breanna nodded, she seemed to get it. “I guess I can see that. Did your step-mom marry him for his fame?”

I nodded, she was perceptive. “I think they really do love each other, but she definitely loves him for his fame as much as anything. Anytime I did anything that might cause problems in the press she was really hard to deal with.” A part of me wanted to explain more, and I might still at some point, but I didn’t want to shoot my chances in this new town completely down yet.

Danielle and Breanna each gave me a smile. Danielle said, “That does seem rough.”

“It kind of was. Rachel, my step-mother, and I got into it about a month ago and I decided to come here and try to live with my mom.”

“I hope you like it here,” Breanna said. “It’s kind of boring… but it’s not a terrible place I guess,” she said the last part kind of skeptically.

I smiled, “Places are what you make of them,” I started, “I’m sure it’ll be a fun time!” I don’t know where that part came from, but I genuinely felt like we were going to have a good time being friends.

The four of us sat and talked non-stop for several hours, mainly about me. Danielle and Breanna grilled me as much as any CIA interrogator ever would. It was obvious to me that Alyssa had two really awesome friends in these two, and the four of us bonded quite a bit in the afternoon. We took a brief break for a pizza that we ordered, but the conversation never stopped.

I discovered that Danielle was a sweet girl, but definitely a cheerleader. I was kind of amazed that she was going to be able to do cheerleading and still play flute in band this fall. Where I was from that would never have worked, you had to choose one or the other. Breanna was also in band, on bassoon normally, but was going to play bass drum for marching band. The four of us ended up having a pretty geeky conversation about band, and I was sad to think about the step down I was making with the band in this town compared to my old school.

‘Maybe I can help improve it!’ I thought to myself. ‘I definitely need to be taking lessons from someone good in Cleveland though, or I’m going to fall behind…’

“She’s got the most beautiful horn you’ve ever seen!” Alyssa said at one point.

“I don’t like to brag, but I think so too actually,” I said.

“I can’t wait to see it,” Breanna said.

“So what else are we doing today?” Alyssa asked.

“Well… we could go to the beach?” Danielle suggested.

I shuddered inwardly, I hadn’t really worn my new bikini yet, and I wasn’t quite ready for that display. Alyssa was incredible though, “Ah, today is going to be the wrong day, I think it’s supposed to start raining in a bit.”

Sure enough, about that time Alyssa wasn’t lying, as it started pouring outside.

“Yeah, the beach doesn’t seem like a good idea right now,” I said.

“Board game?” Breanna suggested.

“Well, since we’re getting ‘bored,’ that seems as good of a plan as any,” Alyssa said and the rest of us all groaned. The four of us made our way over to a cabinet in Alyssa’s home theater room and I expected to see games like Monopoly, Life, and the like. There were several like that, but there were also a ton I had no clue what they were.

Breanna was the first to notice my inquisitive glance. “Alyssa’s parents have always had odd tastes in board games. They were both into things like Dungeons and Dragons as college kids.”

I found myself looking at Alyssa’s parents a bit differently, “So those are the kinds of games you grew up with?” I found myself smiling a little bit, she had fairly nerdy parents!

“Yep,” she said smiling back, “and don’t worry, I’m not like them. They do have a few games though which are different and kind of cool,” she added.

“Like?” I asked. She pointed to a box labeled ‘Settlers of Catan,’ “That one is actually a lot of fun. It’s all about getting resources and building up a bigger set of towns and such than everyone else.”

“She needs to play that one,” Danielle said with a smile.

“She’s corrupted you two over the years?” I asked amused.

“Well, we make her play girly games at our houses!” Breanna defended.

“You guys are awesome,” was my only response. I didn’t want them to think I was going to make fun of them for it. They just beamed back.

I was every bit as bit of a nerd, but I’d never been into the games like that. The four of use ended up setting up the board game that involved some odd shaped cards that were randomly put out to make resources. The rules seemed really odd at first, but really were pretty simple in the end. Alyssa won the first game, Danielle the second, and finally I managed to squeak by with the third. It was at that point that I figured out it was already four-thirty in the afternoon as my phone rang.

I saw ‘Mom’ listed on it, and suddenly felt guilty that I had never taken her picture to use as a contact photo on my phone. ‘Well, you did kind of hate her guts for most of your life…’

“Hey Mom!” I said happily.

“Hi Taylor, say I’m on my way home with some things to make dinner, do you think you can be home in ten minutes?”

I was a little sad that I was going to have to leave my new friends, but I said, “Yes I’ll meet you there.”

As I hung up I smiled at my new friends. “You guys are a blast, I hope I get to hang out with you again soon!”

“I’m sure we will,” Danielle said with her own smile. The three of them walked upstairs with me, I grabbed my purse and traded numbers really quick with Danielle and Breanna so we could text each other, and maybe get together sometime. Danielle especially seemed to be someone I would get along with really well. I suspected that if I’d been raised a girl, I would have been every bit as much of a girly cheerleader as she was.

 
I WALKED THE short walk to my house and unlocked the front door. I’d barely sat my purse down on my dresser upstairs when I heard the garage door open. I reached the door to the garage from the kitchen just as Mom was opening it up. She had a few grocery bags in her hand. “Do you need help with any of the rest of it?” I asked.

“This is all I picked up,” she told me with a smile.

I looked through her bags and saw that there was a loaf of French Bread, a tray of pre-cut veggies, a package of sausage, several blocks of cheese, and a single bottle of beer. “What’s the beer for?” I asked quizzically. Mom didn’t drink at all, it just didn’t appeal to her.

“I thought we’d do a cheese fondue tonight,” she said with a hopeful look on her face. I think she was afraid I’d say something about hating the idea.

“Umm… that sounds good… I guess…” her face fell, and I finished, “I’ve never had a fondue for dinner.”

“It’s quick and easy,” she said smiling at me. “Maybe at some point we’ll make a trip to ‘The Melting Pot’ for a real meal with it.”

“That sounds like fun,” I told her. “What do you need me to do?” I asked.

“Well, why don’t you put on one of my aprons over there so you don’t get stuff all over your dress,” she suggested first.

As I tied the apron around me I couldn’t help but feel for some reason it made me feel even more of a girl, it was kind of weird. When Rachel first moved in I helped her cook, but she never had me put an apron on. Instead she just scolded me when I would get stuff on my clothes. Cooking with her wasn’t really much fun, so I had stopped not long after she moved in.

“Here, why don’t you work on cutting up the bread and sausage?” she suggested. Mom showed me how she wanted bite sized pieces and left me to it. I noticed her watch me make the first few cuts to make sure I wasn’t going to chop off my fingers. Dad had shown me how to cook before Rachel ever came into the picture though, so I was fine with the knife. While I sliced up those two things she grated three kinds of cheese up into a bowl.

I was done before she was done grating cheese, so I walked over to see what she was doing. “Here, why don’t you mix up the cheeses,” she suggested. “I’m going to get the flour.”

I had no idea what she meant, but I started lightly mixing the cheeses with my hand in the bowl. It seemed like there were two white cheeses and a cheddar cheese in there. She came over and dumped a small amount of flour in there and had me keep mixing. The cheese took on a real light coating, and she pronounced it ready to go. It was obvious we’d be eating at the breakfast bar as she had setup an electric fondue pot there and poured in part of the beer. I watched as she added in a bit of cheese at a time until she had a nice consistency.

Some salt and pepper were added, and she said, “Dig in!”

I used a fondue fork she provided to dip a piece of bread into the mixture, and blew on it lightly. I had a feeling that it would otherwise be like placing molten lava into my mouth! “Mmmm!” I said, “That’s really good!”

“And really simple!” she added with a smile.

The two of us spent a half-hour eating and dipping broccoli, carrots, the bread, and pieces of sausage into the cheese dip. All the while she interrogated me about my day and my new friends. “That’s great that you’ve made some new friends,” she told me.

“Yeah,” I said. “Honestly, I already have better friends here than I did back home,” I added sadly.

She gave me a squeeze as we began cleaning up the small mess. It really wasn’t too bad of a mess really, and we had things cleaned up in a short while. “Want to go pick out a movie to watch?” She asked me.

I shrugged, “Sure,” and headed over to the TV and found way more in the way of DVDs than most people had. I felt a little bit bad that it probably meant she spent a lot of time watching DVDs at home alone. A part of me was of the opinion that she got what she deserved when she left me, but I was warming to her more in the last week than I had in eight years.

As I browsed her DVDs I saw a Disney movie I’d been too afraid I’d be labeled a sissy for watching before, and asked, “Is Tangled any good?” to Mom who had just rounded the breakfast counter.

She smiled wide, “It’s great!”

“I haven’t seen it before,” I told her.

“I know you’ll like it, it’s better than Beauty and the Beast,” she winked at me as she said that.

“I don’t know about that…” I said with a bit of feigned skepticism.

She smiled back at me, “Why don’t you put it in and I’ll go grab some movie essentials.”

“Umm… okay,” I told her.

I had no idea what she was going to grab, but did as she said and placed the DVD in the player. As I sat down and began skipping through all of the annoying ads she came over with popcorn, and a blanket. For the next ninety minutes I curled up with my mom and watched the movie, giggling and laughing together.

At the end of the movie she gave me a squeeze and asked, “So, better than Beauty and the Beast?”

I frowned, “Maybe… That was pretty good. Maybe if we watch it a hundred more times I’ll be able to tell,” I smiled at her.

“Uh-oh, I’ve created a monster,” she said.

I stood up to go to the bathroom and found my iPhone ringing just as I finished up. Dad’s picture was on there, and I quickly straightened out my hair in case he wanted to FaceTime. ‘I hope he thinks it looks okay…’ I said to myself.

“Hey Dad!” I said as I walked downstairs to the couch. I thought that my room might make it seem like Mom had planned this all along…

“Hi Taylor, how’s it going?”

“It’s going great Dad!”

“What have you been up to?” He asked.

I took a deep breath in, and said, “Well, yesterday Mom took me to go spend some of the money you put into my account, and I was able to get a haircut too!” I told him.

“You let someone cut your hair?” He asked in deep surprise.

“Well, not in off, more in a new style,” I said hesitantly.

“Is it pretty?” he asked just as timidly.

“I think so, you want to see?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said.

I could tell he was being weirded out here a bit, but being Dad I figured he’d survive. Plus, I wasn’t going to hide this from him. I pressed the button to change the call to FaceTime, and looked at my dad’s face through the camera. I held the phone away from me so he could get a good look, and even turned it around my head. “What do you think?” I asked.

“Besides being dizzy now?”

“Yes.”

“I think you look very pretty Taylor,” he said.

About that point though I heard something from behind him. “Jake, who are you talking to?”

“Just Taylor sweetheart,” he told Rachel. I seethed a bit, I didn’t want to deal with her. I’d forgotten that he was supposed to be home tonight and she’d be there.

“Oh, let me see to say ‘hi,’” she said grabbing his phone and saw me. “Whoever you are, would you please pass the phone back to Taylor?”

“Umm… Rachel it’s me,” I sighed.

“What the hell???” She screamed at me. “Are you trying to be a fag?”

“Don’t you talk to my kid like that Rachel,” I heard dad say calmly to her. “Give me my phone,” he said calmly but assertively in a voice I knew from childhood to mean I was in trouble.

“Whatever!” she said and threw the phone to my dad who caught it.

“Taylor, I’m really sorry about that,” he told me. “She’s… well she’s not dealing with this well,” he said.

“Dad, I don’t mean to make you angry or anything, but this is what it’s been like with her for months.” I was crying, I couldn’t believe that she would be so mean with my dad right there!

“I guess I didn’t want to believe it sweetheart,” he said. “Look, I need to go sort out this with Rachel… if I can. I’ll talk to you again in a bit,” he said unhappily.

“Okay, I love you Daddy,” I said. On the way out I caught how weird the word felt, I hadn’t called him that for five or six years now.

“I love you too,” he told me and then the phone call was over.

I found myself crunching my knees into my body and holding on to my legs as the tears began to really flow. “Are you okay Taylor?” I heard dimly next to me as Mom sat down.

I shook my head.

“Did your dad not like your haircut?”

I shook my head, “He thought I was pretty,” I sobbed.

“So what happened?”

“That witch, that’s what happened,” I fairly screamed.

I felt her arms entangle me and loosen up my hold on my legs. She transferred the grip to her, and I just cried and cried for a long time. After a while I stopped crying long enough for her to ask, “So what happened?”

“Dad and I were talking, he was being great and accepting. Then Rachel came in and wrenched the phone out of his hand. She looked at me and asked for me to pass the phone back to Taylor before I told her it was me. She called me a ‘fag’ and threw the phone back at Dad,” I sobbed a bit more.

“I’m sorry sweetheart,” she said as she shushed me.

“Why does she have to be that way?”

“I don’t know sweetie,” she told me. “I don’t know.”

It was about ten when I became aware of the passage of time again. ‘It’s not fair!’ I yelled at myself. I’d tried to force myself to be able to act like a boy for all of those years, and now I knew I was probably really a girl. ‘Why couldn’t Rachel accept that?’ I screamed.

Mom convinced me that a bath would make me feel better, so I used another piece of one of the bubble bars that we’d bought yesterday. She was right, as by the time I climbed out of the bathtub and put on a pair of pajamas I did feel better. I brushed my hair out carefully and found my phone downstairs where I’d basically dropped it at the end of the call. There were ten text messages from Alyssa, and several from Danielle and Breanna too. I felt bad for not having responded to them all, so I sent off a few quick replies of ‘Sorry, my Dad and I were talking and my step-mom started World War Three.’

Of course all three of them sent condolences and Alyssa pried the most for information. I appreciated it. About eleven thirty I told them all my mom was yelling at me to get off my phone, and they believed it. The truth was I wasn’t used to this much interest in ‘me,’ and I was more than slightly overwhelmed. Alyssa and I were supposed to meet at her house at 7:45 so she could get me fitted in some of her old cycling clothes, and hopefully be able to get me to fit on her old bike. ‘I hope I don’t kill myself,’ I said. She sounded like she was pretty serious in the cycling stuff. It did sound like fun to me though!

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 11: A New Hobby?
 
THE NEXT MORNING I woke up and felt a twinge of excitement that I was going to go riding with Alyssa. Danielle and Breanna had only added to my guess that Alyssa was actually really talented at cycling. ‘She’ll probably leave me in the dust just to get even with me,’ I laughed to myself. I knew that my clothes didn’t matter at that moment, and just threw on a pair of shorts, a sports bra, a tank top, and put my hair into a ponytail.

Alyssa was waiting downstairs by her door when I walked up. She was already dressed in skin tight cycling shorts and a purple cycling jersey that had her family’s last name on it… and sponsors???

“Come on!!!” she exclaimed as she dragged me inside.

We hurried upstairs to her room where she had a pair of shorts that looked way too small for her, and a jersey that was purple and black without any sponsors logos on it. “I hope they fit,” she said hesitantly. “You’re about the size I was a couple years ago,” she said.

I turned red, “Is that a short joke?” I smiled though.

“Here, why don’t you try these panties too, I think they’re a little bit less rough on riding,” she said.

Ten minutes later I was clad in spandex shorts and her old jersey. She put my hair in a braid that she thought would help make the helmet more comfortable for me. I caught a glance of the two of us in her dresser mirror, and laughed, “I look like your little sister,” I told her.

“I always wanted a little sister to pick on!” she said as she tickled my side a little bit.

“Not fair!” I squealed and the two of us went downstairs giggling towards their garage. I just about gasped as I did so!

“How many bikes do you guys own?” I asked.

“Umm… I try not to count,” she said sheepishly.

“Why so many?” I asked as I did count. I’d reached eighteen pretty quickly before she responded.

“Well, Mom and Dad both have training bikes that they ride on most of the time, and then race bikes. We all have mountain bikes and cross bikes… Well, it just sort of becomes an obsession” she told me.

“I thought my dad’s football gear collection was large…” I said.

“Well it should be, isn’t he like pretty good?”

I nodded. I didn’t really want to talk about Dad and the situation there right then.

“So are you ready?” she asked.

“I think so.” I told her.

The two of us walked over to where her pride and joy was. The bike she’d been given as a present for her birthday in April was pretty, and I noticed she even had her name stenciled on the bike. She smiled as I said, “Pretty. I’m guessing it’s pretty fast?”

She just smiled at me. “Here, let’s see if we can get this old one of mine to fit you. She walked over to a bike that was much shorter, and looked like it might be about the right size for me. “I hope it fits…” she said with some concern.

“I can always get my dad to buy a smaller one if I need to,” I said.

“Maybe… it’s kind of hard to find road bikes any smaller. They normally just make normal kids bikes in those sizes.”

“Way to make me feel better,” I grumbled.

She gave me a hug, “You’re going to have to grow at some point, right?”

“Maybe, but don’t most girls stop growing by fourteen?” I asked.

“Some keep growing, and it may just be that you’ve been late in developing there.” She said. “Plus maybe the doctors will figure it out,” she added.

“I hope so.” I said. Alyssa had me stand over the cross bar of the bike and it seemed like the height there wouldn’t be an issue, but just barely! She put the bike into what she called ‘a trainer’ and adjusted the seat before having me sit on it.

“Say, these aren’t regular pedals, are they?”

“No, these are a special type of pedal you ‘clip’ into. Kind like a ski binding,” she added. When she was satisfied with the height of the seat she had me try on an older pair of cycling shoes that she had. They fit a little loose, but not too bad. “Okay, let’s try getting in and out of these pedals on the trainer first before we go outside with it.”

A few minutes later I understood why she said that! With my feet clipped into the pedals she had me ride a little bit on the trainer to get used to the position the bike put me into. It felt a lot different than my mountain bike at home! “I think I’ve got this…” I said.

“Well, as much as you will until you do it for real,” she smiled at me. She pushed the button for the garage door and we walked the bikes out to the sidewalk after Alyssa closed the door behind us. “Why don’t you get going, and then I’ll get in front and lead us where we’re going,” she suggested.

I nodded and suddenly felt a little nervous that I was going to kill myself. Just before I got on the bike Alyssa turned on a light on the back of a little bag below the seat. She’d shown me how it contained a few emergency tools and such. We’d also put in ten dollars a piece into each of the bags so that we could pay for something if we wanted it. Two water bottles were mounted on our frames, one with water and one with Gatorade. She had no idea how long I’d be able to last, but she wanted to be prepared to actually ride if she could.

I stood over the bike and clipped my right foot into the pedal like she’d shown me before tentatively pushing off with my left foot and steering down the road. It took me six attempts before I was able to clip my left foot in, but once it was in I could see why these were better. Alyssa passed me in no time, and I did my best to hang on and keep up with her! She led us down the road that paralleled the sidewalk we normally ran on, but continued on past the park.

“This is fun!” I told her as I pulled alongside her as she finally slowed down a bit.

“I’m glad you like it!” she replied. “Do you think you’ll be good for a while?”

I thought about it, and was surprised that I wasn’t tiring or feeling sore yet. “Probably,” I told her.

“Cool” she said with a gleam in her eye. She led us down to a road that paralleled the lake and led west. For a while I wondered if she planned on riding all the way to Cleveland! I was beginning to feel a need to stop when I saw a sign that said, ‘Welcome to Ashtabula.’ I became a little bit nervous as she led us through the small town’s traffic, and then amused when she led me up to a coffee shop!

I watched her unclip and slip some covers on her shoes. I remembered my shoes had those on them too before she took them off. “Did you put those in my back pocket?” I asked.

She nodded, “I think I put them in the middle one.”

I felt back to the three pockets on the back of the jersey and found two black rubber covers. Alyssa came over and helped me slip them on, before we walked over to a bike rack and locked them up with a thin cable she had stashed away. I couldn’t help but feel the stares of three boys that were sitting at a table as she led me up to a counter. We ordered two drinks and sat down at a table to relax a bit.

“My parents and I ride out here fairly often,” she explained. “Though we usually take a longer route to get here,” she added.

“How far have we gone?” I asked. The computer she had on that bike didn’t work for some reason she hadn’t been able to figure out.

“About sixteen miles,” she said. “How are you holding up?”

I smiled. “I think I can make it home, I’m not up for some sort of longer route to get home though!” I added.

“You’re in really good shape, so I figured you could take it.” The two of us chatted for about half an hour before hitting the restroom and remounting our bikes. It was then that I noticed that a bit of soreness had begun to creep in down below where my body met the seat. ‘Ouch, that’s going to hurt tomorrow!’ I said to myself.

As we rode back down the shoreline road I couldn’t help but appreciate how pretty the day was. We got passed by a few other cyclists on the way back, and I noted that Alyssa seemed to speed up a bit each time. Each time I kept up just long enough for her to remember she wasn’t racing and bring the pace back down. The last block from our houses though was not going to be as friendly!

“So you got a chance to outrun me…” she said with a gleam.

I groaned and tried to keep up as she went from pedaling as fast as I could, to pedaling at the speed of light! I swear she covered the block in the time it took for me to travel half the block. “You’re fast!” I panted as I rode up her driveway where she was pressing a combination into her garage’s keypad.

I tried to unclip right then and toppled over as I couldn’t get both feet out. I couldn’t believe it, Alyssa just laughed! “I can’t believe you made it all of this way before you did that!”

She helped me stand up and made sure nothing was broken on me or the bike. I wasn’t laughing like her though, as I was really embarrassed.

“Oh don’t be that way Taylor! Everyone falls over like that with these types of pedals at least once. The rule is that it’s almost always the most public place with tons of people watching! It was only me here, it’s almost not fair,” she was into full-blown giggling at that point. And, as much as I wanted to be annoyed, I got into the giggling too. I really was okay.

Once we finished the giggling fit she asked, “How well do you swim?”

“Not great,” I told her. “I can swim a few laps without stopping, but they’re way slower than they should be.”

“That’s too bad, it’d be fun to do a triathlon together sometime!”

I looked at her in shock. “I’m way too slow for that,” I told her.

“You’d probably be able to make it up in the running portion and the cycling part,” she said with a grin. “Don’t worry; I won’t make you do it this summer.”

“I couldn’t even come close to keeping up with you on the bike,” I told her.

“You did better than you think you did Taylor. Normally I beat people much worse!”

She spent the next few minutes having me help her put the bikes away. She insisted I keep the clothes I had on though. “They don’t fit me, and I figure we can maybe do this again tomorrow?” she asked plaintively.

“Well… tomorrow Mom was talking about going to Pittsburgh,” I told her.

“Pittsburgh?” her voice raised. I knew she was thinking the ‘S’ word.

I nodded, “I want to hit IKEA for furniture…” that was as far as I made it.

She gave me a pleading look, “Can I come?”

“Of course silly, I was just getting ready to invite you!”

She squealed. “I love that store!”

“Well, I need a desk, and maybe we can hit a few other stores to get some bedding to make my bedroom look less like a nine-year olds, and more like a fourteen-year-olds.”

She gave me a determined look, “Okay!”

I just shook my head. “You’re going to get me in all sorts of trouble, I can see it already!”

After a few more moments I split off to my house with my key and purse and took a long shower. As I brushed my hair out, I couldn’t help but sing to myself the ‘brush my hair’ song from Tangled the night before. I had to admit to myself that I really liked that movie! It was cute, and it seemed like it was a far better made movie than anything else Disney had done. I figured I’d have to watch Beauty and the Beast and it again to decide which one was my favorite! ‘That’s certainly not the thought of a boy…’ I griped to myself.

I’d asked Alyssa about how to wash the bike clothing before leaving, and threw it into the washer after I dressed in a pair of shorts and a short sleeve shirt with cap sleeves. As I put on a pair of magnetic earrings I decided that I really wanted pierced ears. ‘I’ll wait until after the doctor’s appointment next week though,’ I told myself.

I finished getting ready and made a last check of my makeup before grabbing my phone and heading down to my basement practice room. I picked up the book of orchestral excerpts, my latest solo, and a couple other pieces I’d been working on and sat them on the stand. I sighed and began my warm-up routine of lip slurs, long-tones, and scales. An hour had passed before I finished all of those things to my satisfaction and got into the pieces.

I didn’t even notice the passage of time when I practiced. I just kept working things over and over again until they sounded right to me. That usually meant I lived in a state of constant frustration, because it was rare that something sounded ‘good enough’ to me. It had driven my poor dad to the point of insanity, which is why I think he bought me the silent brass mute!

I had no idea of the time I’d been practicing when I saw my iPhone vibrate on the stand. ‘Can I come over?’ Alyssa texted me.

I thought about it for a moment after looking at the time. I really wanted another hour of playing in… ‘Sure, but bring your horn!’ I told her.

There was a delay and she said, ‘K, be over in a few.’

I took advantage of a short break and went upstairs to grab a glass of water. I’d been practicing for about two-and-a-half hours non-stop, and was fairly thirsty. I’d just filled my second glass when the doorbell rang.

“Hey Alyssa!” I said as I opened the door. She had her horn in her hand and smiled at me.

“You’re going to make me actually practice this summer, I might actually be able to play in August when we have band camp!” she told me.

“Well I hope so!” I told her. “Do you want a glass of water before we go downstairs?” I asked.

“Sure,” she said. Glasses of water in hand we began practicing some duets again. It was a lot of fun to play with Alyssa, she wasn’t as good as I was, but we went through piece after piece slowly and then worked them up to tempo. I think that if she’d had a good private teacher she might have been as good as I was. For her part, she picked up a lot from me quickly, and I think her tone improved a lot in that hour we played duets.

“Thanks for playing with me,” I told her as we emptied out our slides and put our horns back in their cases.

“It’s a lot of fun to play with you,” Alyssa answered me while turning her horn around for the final time to get spit out of the lead-pipe. “And you’re a really good teacher,” she added.

I blushed, “I don’t know about that,” I told her.

“So what now?” she asked me.

“Lunch?” I suggested.

“It’s like two o’clock, you haven’t eaten yet?” she asked.

I shook my head. “I came home showered, and came down here.”

“You must have practiced for like two hours before I came over?!?”

“About two-and-a-half,” I told her with a smile. “I normally try and get three hours a day in.”

“So do you like want to play professionally or something?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know, honestly it’s just the only thing I’ve ever really been good at besides school. I don’t do well at the sports everyone expects me to play, so it’s nice to do well at something.”

She nodded. “I feel the same way about cycling. I liked cheerleading a bit, but it’s such a catty group of girls to be stuck with all of the time. Some of them like Danielle aren’t too bad, but when you get a group together it’s a lot to deal with.”

“I could see that.” I told her.

The two of us made our way up to the kitchen and I heated up a small microwaveable can of soup in the microwave. As I ate the soup she asked me a bunch of other questions about me that I hadn’t told her yet. “So, what happened last night?” she asked me finally.

“Huh?”

“With Rachel?”

“Oh, that…” I hesitated a moment and then filled her in with all of the details.

“She sounds like a real bitch,” Alyssa said. I was a little surprised to hear her use that word, as that was the first time I’d heard her swear.

“Yeah, she is.”

My iPhone’s ringtone startled both of us. It was Dad!

“Hi Dad,” I said, relieved to hear from him. I looked at Alyssa and she motioned to leave, but I gave her the sign just to stay there.

“Hi Taylor, I’m sorry I didn’t call back last night.”

“That’s okay, I’m just glad you called today.” I answered.

“Look, I’m sorry about what Rachel said last night. She was beyond out of line, and I couldn’t believe she said anything so hurtful. We had a long… umm… discussion last night about the way she was treating you.”

“Uh-huh,” I said.

“Honestly Taylor, I made it clear to her it’s not a choice between you and her. The choice will always be you in that case,” I smiled and felt a tear go down my right eye. “I wish you had told me what happened at the barbershop. That was ridiculous!” He said in horror.

“I didn’t want to make things go bad between you guys,” I told him.

He sighed, “Taylor, I care most about you. No one is ever allowed to treat you like that. I think I made that clear to Rachel, and she’s agreed to behave and not treat you like that anymore. I also think I made it clear to her that you’re probably just finally dressing the way you should have your whole life.” He paused and I could hear the stress in his voice, “I can’t believe we went all of these years without discovering this…”

“There’s no reason we should have,” I told him trying to console him.

“Still, it’s not good that we’re just finding out now.”

“It’s okay Daddy, really,” I told him.

“Anyway, how has today gone for you?” He asked.

“Well Alyssa and I…” I told him all about the bike ride. “I had a really good time doing it,” I told him.

“Cool, do you want me to see about getting a bike for you of your own?”

“Sure,” I told him.

“I’ll look into it.”

The two of us talked for about twenty more minutes and I felt bad about Alyssa, but she seemed fine. “Look Taylor, I don’t know what’s going to happen with the doctor’s visit next week, but I promise if there is any major surgery I’ll be up there for it. I don’t care if it’s the first day of training camp, or the Super Bowl, I’ll be there.”

“I know you will,” I told him. “I appreciate it,” I added.

The two of us finished up with the conversation and I said goodbye to him.

“Your dad must be pretty cool.” Alyssa said knowingly to me.

“Yeah, he is.” I responded.

We sat quietly for several minutes, not saying anything. Suddenly I heard Alyssa say, “Oh my god, were you watching this?” I saw her holding up the empty DVD box from Tangled that we’d been watching the night before.

I turned red and nodded, “Yeah, my mom and I watched it last night. She claimed it was better than Beauty and the Beast,” I told her, turning even redder.

Alyssa hopped onto the couch next to me and gave me a hug. “Why are you embarrassed?”

I shrugged, “I’m not five?”

“Taylor, one of the best things about being a girl is you can like cute Disney movies still!” She said smiling.

“You mean I wouldn’t be considered a freak if anyone else saw it?”

“Of course not! I mean, really you could probably show up with a Disney Princess shirt on if you’re the right person in high school and get away with it.” She paused and smiled, “We could definitely find something in your size even!”

I grimaced.

“I don’t necessarily think you should dress like a six year old princess fanatic, but watching Disney movies will never hurt your girl rep,” she smiled.

“That’s bit different than I’m used to,” I admitted.

She gave me another hug. “That’s another reason I know you’re a girl!”

I just smiled back, “Thanks,” and really meant it. Things could be a lot worse for me right now if I didn’t have her and Mom. “You know, coming here was the best thing I could have done. I can only imagine what would have happened if Rachel was in charge of my medical care right now.”

“She really sounds like a witch,” Alyssa agreed.

“I don’t know what to do about her, I feel bad for Dad, but I hate her guts.”

“Why did he marry her?”

“She wasn’t as bad at first. He met her at some sort of society party that he and a few of his teammates were invited to. She was just barely thirty and having a lot of success in running a small clothing store line.”

“Anything I would have heard of?”

I shook my head, “When she married Dad she sold off the small shop to another company. I think she has a few dress designs out there still, but nothing worth remembering I think.” I paused, “Of course I guess I didn’t really pay that much attention to what she was doing, so maybe she was bigger than I knew.”

“That’s cool I guess.” She still looked confused, “But how did your dad end up dating her?”

I shrugged, “Apparently she got stuck at a table with him and a few other singles, and was surprised that he wasn’t just a dumb jock.” I smiled at her confusion, “My dad managed to somehow finish his degree in chemistry while going to school and playing ball.”

“But didn’t you say your mother didn’t finish?”

“Dad was kind of locked into it, and he wasn’t the one pregnant with me.” I said, before sadly adding, “I think he was a bit of a jerk about things at the time too.”

“At the time?”

“Well, I think all the way until Mom split… I think that was the catalyst for him to get his act together.”

“So other than Rachel, you were happy down there?”

I nodded, “I love Dad, and up until the last four days I couldn’t really stand Mom most of the time. I was so mad about her leaving, and every time I got dragged up here for a holiday or summer it was torture. Of course it’s not winter right now, I’m sure I’ll hate it again when that happens!”

She giggled, “You’re going to freeze!”

“I guess no shorts and skirts that time of year!” I mused.

“No, not really. I mean you are kind of a girly girl, so maybe you’ll be into that, but it’s a cold walk to the bus, from the bus inside, and yeah… it’s cold!”

I laughed.

“So… do you plan to move back down to Atlanta?”

I shrugged, “Maybe after football season… that would be like February if they make it into the playoffs. They played into January last year, but they can’t seem to break the last barrier to the big game though. If Rachel is going to be there though… I don’t think there’s any question,” I added.

Alyssa gave me a hug and we sat silently for a few minutes.

“So what are we getting at IKEA tomorrow for your room?” Alyssa asked with a gleam in her eye.

“A desk, and anything we can find to make my room to look less like a nine-year girls’ dream bedroom!” I told her with a laugh.

“Let’s go look online and see what they have, and maybe look at a few other sites for some ideas!” Alyssa said excitedly. She dragged me upstairs and we searched all over for some ideas. We decided Pottery Barn was going to be a needed stop too for a comforter and some bedding. By the time we finished looking around we had a list going of everything I would need to change the bedroom to a teen haven, without having to do any repainting!

“I really hated the idea of painting,” I told her honestly.

“Why?”

“Well, you have your Dad to help you and you’re taller right?” I suggested.

“Uh-huh,” she said, not really getting it.

“Think about the ladders my mom and I would need!”

She laughed at that, “I would have come and helped,” she told me.

I shrugged and decided to change the conversation slightly. “So if I got my dad to buy me a bike to ride with you, what would I want?”

She did her excited eyes opening bit, and started jumping up and down. “How much do you think he would spend?”

“I don’t need a gold plated bike,” I told her with a smile, “but he’d probably be fine with silver-plated,” I winked. “If you’re going to drag me all over the place riding like you did today… I need something. Give us some options…”

“Do you think at least a thousand?”

“Probably,” I told her.

“More?

“Possibly,” I answered again, I knew my Dad would probably spend whatever honestly.

She jumped up and down, “With as short as you are…” she went on about weight and gears, and it all went over my head. I just liked the idea of being able to ride with her. It seemed like maybe it was a sport I could do too, since it didn’t involve height and getting pounded into the ground by people three times my weight!

Alyssa had to go home for dinner that night, so Mom and I had another quiet evening in. I spent some time texting Danielle and Breanna who had become chatterboxes with me in the span of one meeting. It was a lot of fun until Mom insisted that I get to bed early. She had the nerve to say that she wanted me to be awake for the drive in the morning!

Chapter 12: Room for Improvement

 
SATURDAY MORNING I woke up groggy and it took me a bit to get moving. Mom and I had agreed to wait until 8:30 to leave so that Alyssa could get an hour ride in with her parents before we left. Thankfully, by the time she caught up with us, I was more conscious! In fact, as soon as she climbed into the back of my mom’s Escape with me, we started a non-stop conversation.

We were talking about bike suggestions her dad had made last evening to her for me when I found my eyes going wide.

“Whoa!” I said. “Was that really a horse and buggy?” I asked Alyssa and my mom.

They both laughed, “Yes it was,” my mom said.

“Why?”

“There’s a big Amish settlement in this area,” Alyssa said.

“Really?”

“Uh-huh,” she told me.

“Cool!”

Mom added, “We’re actually a little east right now of the main group in this part of the state. There’s a town about twenty minutes west of here that is the central point of one of the largest communities in the country.”

“Neat!” I said, it was so different than anything I’d ever seen in the big city. For whatever reason we’d never encountered anything like that when I’d visited before.

“They have a restaurant down that way that an Amish family runs, it’s pretty good,” Mom told me.

That brought a whole set of questions from me about how they could run a restaurant without using electricity and modern equipment. Alyssa tried to explain it, but I couldn’t quite get my head around it. We moved on to other topics of conversation as the countryside rolled by. After about two hours on the road I could see Pittsburgh forming around us. Mom used her GPS to navigate us to the IKEA store.

“I love this store,” Alyssa said for not the first time as we walked in the entranceway.

“First things first, bathroom,” I told them both.

A trip to the ladies room wasn’t traumatic for me, except the fact that it wasn’t traumatic. ‘I know something must be wrong… I should be hiding out of sight at home, not going out dressed like my step-mom’s worst nightmare come true.’ I giggled inwardly at that thought; anything that bothered her might be worth doing just to upset her.

Once matters were taken care of we took an escalator upstairs and began searching through the maze that is an IKEA. “This just looks ridiculous,” Mom said pointing to one chair. “It’s like something out of a bad sixties movie.” She added.

Alyssa and I both laughed, “It’s probably their most popular chair,” I guessed.

Alyssa nodded. We shopped through each section of the store, not really paying much attention to some areas, but still going through it. In the furniture section Alyssa and I found a white corner desk that seemed like it would be perfect for my room. It was just big enough to hold the iMac inside of the monitor area, and would seat my MacBook Air next to it comfortably on the side. Mom agreed with it, and we took down the number on the box so we could find it downstairs.

There were some lamps we decided I needed, and a few other odds and ends here and there. The storage area yielded some neat little boxes and ways to keep track of odds and ends. We also picked up some more hangers for my closet, and a few little decorating touches here and there.

“You know, they have some neat stuff, but I don’t like any of this bedding,” I told Alyssa.

She nodded, “I think we definitely need to hit a Pottery Barn for that and curtains,” she suggested.

“I think that’s definitely the next stop,” Mom agreed.

We pushed our cart down the aisles and found our way to the aisle with the desk on it. “Oh my God, that’s heavy!!!” I said as I tried to lift up the box. I couldn’t even make it budge!

“Let me try,” Mom said. She made it a little bit farther towards pulling the box onto the flat cart, but not much more.

“Maybe if all three of us pick it up…?” Alyssa suggested.

I secretly guessed Alyssa could probably lift more than Mom and I combined, our small stature was not going to help here! So it was that we managed to somehow slide the large, heavy box onto the cart and a slightly lighter box on top that also went to it. Thankfully on there it wasn’t a problem to push it along to the next aisle where we found the desk chair that we liked.

“Is that everything?” Mom asked.

I nodded, “I think so.”

“Yep,” Alyssa said, pushing her own cart full of a few things she had found.

The three of us approached the self-checkout area and fought with getting everything scanned. Alyssa had taken her stuff to a separate scanner, and within about five minutes we were ready to go.

“Umm…” Mom said at the entrance, “I guess you two stay here while I go grab the car.” There were metal poles preventing us pushing the items all the way to the car, so we didn’t have much of a choice. As she drove up I noticed that there was a single gate that I noticed might be possible to push open. There was no way we’d be able to carry that desk more than a few feet in that box…

I decided just to open the gate and ask for forgiveness if someone really had a problem with it, then they could help! Mom backed up as close as she could, and somehow between the three of us we managed to get the boxes into the back of her car. “I think we need to open up the box in the car when we get home and take it one piece at a time…” I said as we buckled up to leave.

“That sounds like a great idea Taylor, why didn’t you say that back there?” Alyssa asked.

“I didn’t want to lose pieces?” I suggested lamely.

“Right…” Alyssa said next to me.

I just stuck my tongue out at the both of them. “Where are we going next?” I asked.

“Well it’s noon, are you hungry?”

We ended up visiting a TGI Fridays that was nearby. With Alyssa and Mom both ordering salads I decided to go that route too. Lunch was mostly a giggle fest, and a chance to plan the rest of our shopping trip. I was about to take my last bite when my iPhone started making noise in my purse. I scrambled to find it and answered the incoming phone call from Dad.

“Hey Dad!” I said.

“How’s it going?”

“Well, we’re in Pittsburgh right now,” I told him.

“Pittsburgh?”

“Mom suggested driving down here to IKEA to look for a desk,” I told him.

“That’s cool, what did you find?” I described the desk to him, and he seemed to think it was going to be nice. “I bet the box is heavy,” he commented.

“Yeah, it weighs more than me!” I answered, thinking about the box saying it was just over a hundred pounds.

“The three of you managed it?” He asked a little surprised.

“Well, Alyssa’s got some height on Mom and I,” I told him. Alyssa smiled at me, “I think we’re going to take it upstairs one piece at a time when we get home.”

“Good idea, I wish I was there to help you,” he added.

“It would have been easier for you, no doubt!” I told him.

“Anyway, I was going to call and let you know that if you want to look for a bike I put some money in your account for one.”

“How much did you put in?” I asked, knowing fully what Alyssa had mentioned price wise.

“Five for that,” he told me.

I was a little disappointed, but answered, “Thanks Dad.”

“And then I went ahead and put another five thousand in for whatever else you need right now.”

My jaw did drop a little! That doubled the amount of money I had in my account already. “Thanks Dad.”

“Look, I’m not going to lie and say I’m happy with you being that far away from me right now, but if there’s anything you want, anything at all let me know,” he told me.

“Dad I love you even without that, you do know that, right?” I could feel my eyes a little bit moist.

“I know that Taylor, and I love you too. I’ll let you guys get on to your shopping trip, I’ll call you again tomorrow night, okay?”

“Kay Dad, talk to you then,” I said as a goodbye.

I kind of sat quietly for a moment while Mom and Alyssa stared at me. They hadn’t heard any of the ‘important’ parts of that conversation. I looked at Alyssa, “You don’t happen to know of any bike stores in Pittsburgh?”

Her eyebrows raised, “Why?”

“My Dad put in some money to my account for a bike,” I replied.

“How much?” Mom asked.

“Umm… Five,” I answered. Might as well use it against them like Dad had against me. Of course he probably wasn’t thinking in a joking sense, with as much as he made from the team and endorsements, this really was just pocket change in his mind. He didn’t go flashing it all of the time though since he knew that you couldn’t play football for a thirty-year career like anything else.

Alyssa’s eyes definitely drooped. “Do you have anything else you can use too?” She asked.

“What?” I noticed my Mom understanding faster, “Five thousand isn’t enough for a bike?”

Her eyes grew wider, “I hate you,” she took a swipe at my arm. “You’ll have a nicer bike than me…”

“Well, we don’t have to spend all of it,” I told her.

“Anyway, to answer your question, I’ve been to one store here in town that would be good. It might be easier to buy it back home though for repairs.”

“I can always pay for those right?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“And honestly where is the nearest shop to Conneaut?”

“We go to one in Erie actually,” she said.

“So I might as well just get it here.” I said with a smile.

“Let’s hit Pottery Barn like we planned first,” Mom said, “and then we’ll go look up that shop.”

“Cool!” I said, genuinely excited about something that seemed like I should be excited about.

The check was paid, and the three of us got back into the car to drive on to the next stop. “So what are we doing with your room?” Mom asked.

“Our main goal is to make sure we choose the right colors of things so it doesn’t look like a six-year olds bedroom.” I responded.

“That would be bad,” Alyssa said with a smirk.

“Yeah, they might not believe your real age,” Mom said with a wink I caught through her rearview mirror.

“So Alyssa, you think filling my room with Barbie Dolls would probably be a really important thing to avoid?” I asked Alyssa with mock seriousness.

“Well, I still have some,” she said, defensive all of the sudden.

“You don’t still play with them do you?” I asked and watched her face flush. I laughed, “Your secret is safe with me.”

She laughed, “My friends already know.”

We pulled up in the parking lot not too much later of a Pottery Barn that had both its’ main namesake and one of the kids stores too. As we began looking through the store though, it became apparent that most of the stuff in the adult store was kind of boring. “What about looking in the kids section?” Mom suggested.

I sighed, “I guess.”

Alyssa and I ended up finding a comforter and sheet set in the kids section that actually did look like it could come from a teenagers room. With a solid bright green quilt, purple sheets with white polka dots on them, and a couple of quilted sham covers it seemed promising. The room color meant we had to choose colors carefully. I was going to be a girly girl, we were all certain of that, but I didn’t want to be the little girl that stays a six-year-old princess forever. Three beanbag chairs were the last things added to the mix that matched the sheets on my new bedding.

We completed the room necessities with curtains and I felt like it wasn’t too bad. “If we add some posters on the walls I think you’ll be in good shape,” Alyssa told me.

“Posters?”

“Duh,” she said.

“Of who?”

“Hot guys of course!” She said.

“I told you, I still think boys have cooties.”

Mom laughed, “You can keep thinking like that all the way until college, it’ll keep my stress level down!”

“You know, it’s a good thing you’re not living with your dad right now,” Alyssa said with a smile.

“Huh?

“He’d probably be good at scaring pretty much every boy away!”

I laughed, “Yes, he probably would.”

The three of us each hefted some large sacks full of our purchases as we walked back to the car, and had to make one more trip back for the bean bag chairs. Mom had wanted to pay for this stuff, but I had insisted I would get it. It was then that Alyssa called her dad to find out what the name of the bike store was so we could look it up on Mom’s GPS for directions. He seemed surprised that we’d be willing to go look so soon, then asked to speak to my mom.

It wasn’t a long conversation before we were heading towards the shop, and Alyssa was showering me with suggestions of things we’d need to buy. The store itself seemed large for a bike shop, at least from my own limited experiences. We’d gone to a couple before picking up my mountain bike back home, but nothing like this.

Alyssa acted as if she was in the biggest and best candy store of her life with as much as she smiled. The three of us made our way back to the back counter that seemed to naturally draw us in. “Can I help you ladies?” a man asked.

“Yes, I’m looking to buy a bike,” I said, surprising the man.

“Do you know what you’re looking for?”

I looked at Alyssa with a look that said, ‘If I say this wrong, save me!’ “A road bike that’s short enough for me, and preferably carbon so it doesn’t weigh as much as I do,” I said the last part with a smile.

He laughed, “How old are you?”

“I’ll be fourteen in a few weeks.”

“First road bike?”

“I’ve borrowed hers, but it’ll be my first one. I have a mountain bike back in Atlanta that I rode quite a bit.”

Alyssa suddenly gave me a piercing look. ‘Quite a bit?’ her face asked with her eyebrows raised. I just smiled. I didn’t ride like her, but I rode all around our suburb quite a bit as something to do… it was a way to avoid Rachel!

“Okay, I think I have a couple bikes we can try out with you. Do you have any shorts with you?”

“I was planning on buying some if that helps?”

“Sure,” he said with a smile. I think dollar signs must have flashed in his head! “Why don’t we find a bike that looks close and then we’ll find a pair of shorts for you so you can go for a test ride,” he suggested.

“That sounds great,” I said with a smile.

He led us over to several different brands of bikes, Alyssa seemed to prefer Specialized or Giant from her families past preference. The Giant was available in an extra small size that seemed like it was doable when the salesman stood the bike up next to me. “Hey Kyle, can you put some platform pedals on this, and get it ready for a test ride?” Craig, our salesman asked.

Luckily I had worn tennis shoes, so I wouldn’t need to have the bike shoes for my test ride — although I was planning on purchasing a pair. “Okay, these are probably our smallest women’s shorts,” he said pointing to a rack.

“Thanks, do you have a changing room?” Mom asked.

“Back there,” he told us while pointing to a set of doors behind us.

I took the pair of shorts in there and tried them on. Thankfully they were a perfect fit! Since I was planning on buying them anyway we pulled the tags off. I figured a test ride with the tag on wouldn’t be much fun! As I came out Craig had the bike I was going to test ride with him next to the counter. I was amused by how short it seemed next to him, and something about the white color scheme seemed too feminine for him!

He helped me roll it outside to where they had a large parking lot that would be safe to test ride it. A helmet was on my to-buy list, but I just took the one he offered for now. It wasn’t until it was in my hands that I realized it had Disney Princesses on it. I blushed.

“Sorry, it’s the only test helmet we have in your size,” he said, somewhat embarrassed.

I just shook my head and put the helmet on. I turned to look at the bike and mount it when I heard the click of an iPhone taking a picture. “Not fair,” I told Mom.

She just laughed.

“Okay, now you said you’ve ridden a road bike before right?”

I nodded.

“This shifting is a little different than what you may have had before. It’s going to be a lot more similar to your mountain bike shifters…” he explained how to shift and I was soon riding along the parking lot. It seemed like a good fit for me and a lot better than the bike I had ridden with Alyssa the other day. My mountain bike wasn’t a cheap one, but this thing would ride circles around it! I did several laps around their large parking lot, getting progressively faster each time I shifted gears. I hadn’t managed to get into the top gear even, and was flying as fast as I dared in the small parking lot.

I was all smiles as I rode up to where Mom, Alyssa, and the salesman were waiting. “What do you think?” He asked.

“I love it!” I told him.

“Cool, so do you want us to get it setup for you to take today?”

I nodded, “If we can put some different pedals on, and whatever else you think I need.” I had gotten off of the bike and made to pull the helmet off. “And definitely not this helmet!” I said to him.

He laughed. “I think there’s a plainer boxed helmet in that size inside on a rack. Let’s pick out pedals and anything else that’s going on the bike first so Kyle can get it all put together for you.”

“Okay,” I said, and we began a marathon session in the store. Alyssa and I found a couple more pairs of shorts, one in white, and one set of bibbed shorts that she thought sometimes were better, along with four jerseys and a waterproof rain jacket.

“What do you want?” I asked her.

“What do you mean?”

“Pick out a set of shorts, a jersey, and a new helmet,” I smiled at her, “my treat!”

Her mouth opened and closed, “Are you sure?”

“Alyssa, you’ve been awesome this week… And I just know this is probably the best present I can give you to say thank you.”

“Okay,” she said softly.

She picked out a set to match one of the sets I’d bought. The helmet she bought was the same lightweight one that we’d found for me, just in a larger size. We ended up both getting the same pair of gloves too. I offered a new pair of cycling shoes in the deal too, but she turned me down since she’d just gotten a new pair a few weeks ago.

We were in the store for another hour while the pedals were attached, my shoes had the cleats attached, and everything was checked out. Mom didn’t have a bike rack on her Escape, so we went ahead and bought a rack for the back of it. Craig was nice enough to install it on the back with the use of some hooks.

“I don’t think we could have done anymore shopping anyways,” Mom mused sadly. The back of the Escape wasn’t going to open once the bike was placed on the rack.

“Well, we’ve basically filled the back already,” I replied.

“I need to go shopping with the two of you more often,” Alyssa chimed in. “You two really know how to shop!”

We all laughed as we closed the door. We’d thrown everything into the car that wasn’t the bike, and I had paid for everything with a check. I didn’t think the debit card would go through for the total that it all came to… Six thousand in all with tax, accessories, and gear put into the mix. Craig was a little skeptical at the little girl giving him a check like this, but he was nice enough to take it and our contact information.

Kyle just happened to look over his shoulder and see ‘Taylor Landt, Atlanta, GA.’ “You wouldn’t happen to be related to the football player?” he asked.

I smiled, “He’s my dad.”

“Whoa! Cool!” he said.

“Ah, he’s just my dad to me,” I told him with a smile. I was trying to avoid any hero worship issues.

“I’m sure that’s true. Thanks for coming in, and let us know if you ever need anything else.”

“Will do,” I said, fully knowing that we’d just made a month’s worth of commission in sales for Craig!

On the way out to the car I pushed my bike along and decided to try picking it up. It was light! I didn’t know how light, but it was actually possible for me to pick it up, something I hadn’t been able to do with my mountain bike ever! Craig followed us out and helped us out with strapping my bike onto the rack. Mom insisted on a lock around the carrier and through the rooftop-loading rail just to keep it from walking away when we stopped for dinner.

The trip home after a stop for dinner was uneventful, and I found myself sleeping through most of it. At home Alyssa helped me unload my bike and helped me organize all of my supplies in the garage. We took the clothes and new bedding inside to organize and wash later. It was only eight when we came in, so her dad came over and helped us with getting the desk box upstairs. He didn’t even flinch on the weight at all.

“Do you want some help assembling this?” he asked.

I looked at it, “I think we can handle that part…”

“Let me know if you change your mind!” He offered with a grin. Alyssa’s dad stayed for a few minutes to look at my new bike, and nodded approvingly. “So, are you going for a ride with us tomorrow?”

“How far are you going?” I asked nervously.

“Probably about the same distance you went with Alyssa the other day.”

“Okay,” I said nervously.

“Cool! We’ll be leaving at seven,” he told me. “We’ll probably do breakfast in town on the way back,” he added for my mom’s benefit.

Alyssa left with him and Mom and I started looking through the parts for the desk. I sincerely wished after looking at the directions that we had taken him up on his offer! Mom had tools thankfully, so the two of us worked together for two tedious hours putting it all together. Once it was in place in the corner of my room I thought it was perfect!

Mom somehow managed to get everything washed while we worked on the desk together, so before calling it a night Mom helped me place the new bedding on my bed. After I had washed my face we both went back to my room.

“I’ll get the lights,” she told me with a smile.

“Okay,” I told her.

She followed me to the bed like I was a little kid and tucked me in. “I missed doing this with my little princess,” she smiled at me.

“So I really am officially a princess now?” Amused that she was using the nickname again.

“Of course sweetie, all girls are princesses,” she teased.

“I guess I am then, where’s my tiara?” I asked teasing right back.

“All in good time,” she told me with a smile. “Good night princess,” she said and kissed my forehead.

“You know, you really need to tell me a bedtime story,” I giggled at her. She laughed right back at me as she turned the light off and closed the door.

‘Why did she have to leave all of those years ago?’ I thought then. It was at that point I remembered the last time she had tried telling me a bedtime story and I started crying guiltily. I couldn’t stop thinking about the screaming match I’d had with her on that visit to see her, and quietly sobbed myself to sleep.

 

 
I will once again be traveling through some remote areas this week, so I may not be able to post again during the week. We’ll see what happens! I thought you all might enjoy a double dose this time regardless. I’d love to know what you are thinking as you read through the book. Please leave a comment if you can! Thanks for reading!

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 13: New Ride
 
THE NEXT MORNING I groggily got up and put on the set of cycling clothes that matched the set I’d bought Alyssa. I kind of hoped she’d wear the same set today for some reason. Mom was in the kitchen, where I grabbed a granola bar, then she handed me two water bottles that she had filled for me.

I gave her a hug, and said, “Thank you.”

Once I had my shoes latched on, she followed me outside where Alyssa’s family was already gathering for the ride.

“Ready Taylor?” her mom asked.

I nodded, “I think so.” She could probably tell I was more than a bit apprehensive.

“Don’t think that you have to be a hero today Taylor, if you’re getting tired please let us know, and we’ll cut the ride shorter.” She told me. “We have plenty of time to torture you if you later!”

I could tell I was going to like her mom before, but I was sure of it now. “Thanks!” I told her.

I was a little unsteady in clipping in. For some reason I couldn’t get my left cleat to lock in the way it was supposed to right away, but I eventually managed. Alyssa rode side by side with me, behind her parents for a while before the road narrowed and we went single file. Everyone, including me, rotated to the front for a bit of time before backing to behind the others again. It was a lot of fun, and I was kind of surprised that I was keeping up with their fairly brisk pace.

The computer on my bike read fifteen miles when we made a turn to head back towards a place they said was another five miles out and we’d get breakfast. “So you apparently rode more in Atlanta than you let on?” Alyssa asked me as the road widened enough for use to ride side-by-side again.

I smiled, “It was the best way to get away from Rachel sometimes.”

She nodded, “I can understand that.”

“Plus, Dad would take me on a lot of trail rides. It’s one of the off-season training things he does.”

“Cool,” she said.

We spoke about some other things as we clipped along at close to twenty-miles-per-hour the whole time. Closer to town I sensed that her parents really wanted to speed up, and so I just nodded to Alyssa and the two of us passed them so we could set the pace. They passed us though and raced for an invisible finish line somewhere, with Alyssa racing to fend them off. I just kept riding and tried to ride their coattails somehow!

Everyone was laughing and having a good time as they let me catch up and we rode in to their normal Sunday breakfast stop. It was handy that they had a bike rack in front of the restaurant, and we soon had everything locked up, and walked in with cleat covers on our shoes.

“You did really well Taylor,” Alyssa’s dad told me. “How’s the new bike working?” he asked.

“It’s really responsive,” was the best I could come up with to describe it. Honestly it was kind of unnerving with how little movement it took to get it to turn. If I wasn’t careful I thought I could fall over with as light as it was. The wind was fairly light that day, but a couple gusts had tried to push me over.

The four of us took our saddlebags off of our bikes and placed them in our helmets that we carried to a booth the waitress led us to. “Hi Jessica, Greg,” a waitress came over, “Alyssa,” and looked at me. “How are you all doing?”

“We’re doing well Cathy,” Alyssa’s dad replied.

“And who’s this?” she asked curiously.

I figured the fact that Alyssa and I were dressed in the same outfit was making her more curious. “This is Taylor,” Alyssa’s mom answered. “She just moved here last weekend, and she and Alyssa are joined at the hip already.”

I blushed slightly as she said, “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” I responded.

The breakfast service was good and fast. On their advice I was careful what I chose to eat, but thoroughly enjoyed the eggs, sausage, bacon, and toast. Her parents took the time to politely interrogate me about everything that could be a topic of conversation. They insisted on paying for my breakfast, and I didn’t fight with them on it. We all used the restroom first before heading back out to our bikes and setting back off towards home.

We had been riding again for fifteen minutes when my bike started feeling weird. It felt soft, and I was slowing down. Thankfully I was in the middle of the pack then, so everyone else noticed right away that I was stopping. Alyssa’s dad looked at my bike with me, and saw the problem. In all, my bike had a total of twenty-three miles on it when I received my first flat!

“Grrr…” I growled.

Alyssa and her dad just laughed, “It’s a sign you’ve broken it in a little bit,” he said as helped me turn the bike over and get the quick release lever loose.

“Why don’t you go ahead and change it, and I’ll help out if you need it?” He suggested to me.

I looked at him strangely, but he probably figured I was just the normal little girl he saw and didn’t want me to be helpless. I shrugged, “Okay,” and went through the bag I had to find a spare tube, my shiny new CO2 pump, and the tire lever attached to it.

Fifteen minutes passed before I managed to manhandle the tire off, punctured tube off, new one on, and the tire back in place. I did it on my own, but almost asked for help because the tire was so stiff to put back on the rim. Her dad did offer some suggestions at that point on how to get it on that worked. I was tired by the time it was back inflated, but I felt better that it was done. We got back on the road and made it home about a half-hour later.

“Thanks for taking me with you this morning,” I told them at their driveway.

“Anytime Taylor! We’d love to have you join us every weekend if you want,” Jessica, Alyssa’s mom, added.

“We’ll see what happens, I don’t always want to slow you down,” I told her.

“Except in the sprint we don’t usually go much faster on weekend rides,” her Dad said.

“Well, I’d like to then,” I said with a smile.

When I got inside I put my bike against the garage wall and headed into the house proper. My shoes found a place in the laundry room next to the garage and I said a brief ‘Hi,’ to Mom before going upstairs to shower.

The shower felt wonderful on my body, and I had to force myself not to spend all day in there. I’d forgotten to get any clothes out, so I put on my new bathrobe and hopped across the hallway to my room. ‘What do I want to wear today?’ I asked myself as I went through my clothes. ‘I’ve worn that already,’ I griped at myself as I looked at the only sundress I owned. ‘I felt pretty in it the other day, too,’ I thought.

I fought back and forth over what to wear today with my limited wardrobe. ‘I guess I could put underwear on first,’ I thought, trying to end my stalemate, ‘no you can’t, what if you need a different bra?’

I have no idea how long I stared at my choices before I felt a hug from behind me.

“Can’t decide what to wear?” Mom asked.

I shook my head, “I think I need some more sundresses,” I said, a bit embarrassed.

“You’ll build a wardrobe up in time,” Mom said. “I need to do some things around here today, so we can’t go shopping today. Maybe next weekend?” she suggested, before adding, “We do have to go into Cleveland on Wednesday for your appointment, we could do some then.”

“Assuming they don’t rush me into emergency surgery or put me out for good?” I said half-jokingly. I wasn’t sure they weren’t going to.

“Sweetie, they won’t do either of those things.” She said.

I had been standing with my back to her, still trying to decide on what to wear, but suddenly turned around and buried my head in her shoulder and started crying, “Mommy I’m such a freak,” I said.

I’m pretty sure Mom wasn’t expecting this, but she took it in stride. “Shhhh,” she cooed, “no you’re not, and you’re going to be alright.”

I didn’t go on a long cry fest, but I did feel better. Mom stayed with me long enough to help me pick out one of the last two skirts in my wardrobe that I hadn’t worn and a spaghetti strap top to go with it. I went back to the bathroom to work on my teeth and everything else that I’d put off until I knew what I was going to wear. It took me another half-hour before I walked downstairs and found Mom sitting at the breakfast counter with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“Coffee?” she asked me.

“No thanks,” I told her, “I’m awake from the ride.”

She nodded. I got a glass of water and joined her looking through the ads. “So… what girl lesson did we learn this morning?”

“I thought I already knew how to cry?” I suggested. I had no idea what she was talking about.

“No, not that. What set off the crying?”

“The freak part?”

She sighed, “Please don’t use that word anymore, you’re not, and before that.”

I thought for a second, “The clothes?”

Mom nodded again, “If you choose your clothes the night before it’ll help keep that from happening.”

“Oh… yeah, that’s a good idea,” I agreed.

We looked over the ads together, both pointing out things that looked like they would be good for me. At a few points she pointed out things that would fit me, but I would not in a million years wear! My problem was that the best fitting clothes we’d found for me were still a size ten or twelve in girls. Juniors sizing was too tall it seemed, and the jeans and such mostly been way too loose, even in a size zero. The one sundress I had was a zero, and fit well, but it had been the only thing on several racks that had. ‘I guess that one doesn’t look too bad,’ I noticed a dress in the girls section of the Kohl’s ad.

“So what are you up to today?” Mom asked.

I shrugged, “Maybe go hang out with Alyssa, or practice, or something?” I paused to take a last drink from the emptying water glass, “You?”

“Laundry, some grocery shopping, and some other things around here.” She paused, “We’ll have to work out a chore rotation next week, having two people in the house is building up chores a whole lot faster,” she smiled as she said that.

“I’ll do whatever you want me to,” I told her.

“I know you will,” she said as she reached over and pushed a stray strand of hair out of my face. “But, not right now. Do whatever you want today,” she told me. I decided to go upstairs and find my iPhone.

It ‘dinged’ right when I unplugged it from my computer, with a text message from Alyssa. “Going 2 Erie 2 shop, wanna come?” she asked.

“Sure, let me ask,” I replied.

I found myself bounding down the stairs, “Mom, Alyssa just asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her parents in Erie, can I go?” I said as I skidded to a halt in front of her.

“Wow, you do have the shopping bug, don’t you?” She teased. “Sure, I’ve stolen their daughter enough this week, it seems fair enough that you should be stolen for a while too.”

“Thanks!” I said and found my fingers on the iPhone screen quickly texting an affirmative.

Ten minutes later I had my only purse that was actually mine, my iPhone, and a pair of cute flats on my feet and skipped across the yard to their house. I pressed the doorbell and Alyssa opened the door. “That looks cute.”

“You too,” I said, smiling.

“Glad you could come,” her mom said from behind her.

“Thanks for inviting me!” I said with a smile.

“Any time,” she replied with a smile.

The four of us piled into their SUV and began the hour trip into Erie. I found myself being asked questions constantly by her mom, and at some point I let slip that my dad was a professional football player. That had her dad asking questions excitedly then. He knew my dad as a good player for his team and that made him curious about what he was like in real life. My standard response of the shrug and ‘He’s my dad,’ was mostly enough.

Her mom eventually saved me by asking about my playing horn like her daughter. “Alyssa said that you have a really pretty horn?” she asked.

I nodded at her, half-twisted in her seat looking back. I was about to answer when Alyssa said excitedly, “It’s not just pretty, it’s gorgeous!”

“It’s a rose gold color that I really do like,” I said with a smile.

“We’ll have to hear you play sometime,” she said.

Alyssa nodded in agreement.

The trip really passed by pretty quickly, and I was pleased that no questions regarding gender ever came up. I didn’t know how close Mom was to her mom, and if she had said anything yet. Kohl’s was to be our first stop, and I was on a mission to find more clothes! Alyssa and I shopped the whole of juniors first, and I managed to find a single top and one skirt that fit there.

“I’m going to have to look in the girls section,” I sighed at her as she came out of the dressing room next to me simultaneously.

She gave me a sisterly hug with her free arm, “I’m done over here anyways,” she said holding up a pile of conquered sales items. I was jealous about almost all of the things she’d found. It seemed we liked similar clothes, but they fit her!

We ran into her mom coming across the aisle from women’s. “Finished?” She asked.

I shook my head, “I’m going to check and see if there’s anything in the girls section that fits… and doesn’t make me look like I’m in elementary school,” I added.

She smiled at me, “You’ll grow sooner or later,” she said.

I shook my head, “My mom’s not that much taller, I don’t think I’m going to get more than maybe a few more inches.”

“Just how tall are you?” She asked.

I grimaced, “Four-foot, seven,” I told her.

She grinned, “So you’re technically still supposed to be in a booster seat?”

I groaned, “I guess so, size wise. I think all of the laws say eight years old though, so I’m okay.”

She laughed, “Don’t worry; your secret is safe with us.”

Alyssa’s mom walked with us to the girls department and we actually had some success in finding a couple of sundresses for me, along with a few more tops, and a dress/legging set that was cute too. I’d just finished up trying on the last of the items for Alyssa when she disappeared as I changed.

“You sooo need this,” she said, holding up a set of pajamas that would make me look like a five year old.

“Umm… no.” I told her while sticking my tongue out at her. She somehow convinced me to try them on really quick, and took a picture of me in them!

“That’s not fair, you’re too big for me to get even with you,” I pouted after I’d taken them off.

I had to admit I did look ‘cute’ in them, but I didn’t think I wanted to look cute like that! She just laughed at me. Her poor dad had to have been dying of boredom by the time we left that store. We rewarded his patience by letting him choose where we were going for lunch. They insisted on paying for my meal at the steak place we ate at. I enjoyed just hanging out with their family the whole time. My dad was remarried, and so I guess I was sort of used to having two ‘parents’ around, but it was different with her parents. Maybe it was just because she was biologically a part of both of them that made the difference, but I didn’t think so.

We spent more hours in the mall combing for clothes, and I had a bit more success in Justice again, as much as I was going to deny ever having purchased clothes there! It was a pain, but by the end of the day we had managed to find six sundresses, seven more tops, a couple more skirts, a couple dress/legging combination outfits, among other things like some cute socks.

“Any reason why you’ve tried to buy out the stores today?” her mom asked on the way back out to the car.

I didn’t quite know how to answer her, “I didn’t bring much clothing when I came up here,” I told her. That was sort of true.

She nodded, “Yeah, I’m sure you’ll especially have to build up a whole winter wardrobe you’ve never had.”

‘She doesn’t know the half of it,’ I thought to myself while nodding.

All-in-all it was a fun trip that day, complete with dinner out too, before we returned about eight-thirty. I had barely walked into the house with my arms full of bags when my iPhone started ringing. I threw the bags down quickly on the kitchen table and reached for my phone. Dad was calling.

“Hey Dad,” I said. The two of us talked about the weekend for about a half-hour before Rachel came in and needed something. He let me go then, and I hoped that things would somehow get better with that whole situation.

“So how was your trip?” Mom asked as she came around the hallway corner.

“It was great!” I told her, “You want to see what I bought?” I perked up.

“Absolutely!” She smiled. “Let’s go upstairs?”

I followed her up to my room where she theatrically opened my bedroom door for me, “What do you think?”

“Mom, when did you do all of this?” I exclaimed.

“Today,” she told me proudly.

She had finished putting out all of our purchases from yesterday and added other little touches around the room to make it look awesome! I gave her a big hug and looked around the room a bit more. It looked nice, and I laughed when I saw she had found some stuffed animals and a Rapunzel doll from Tangled and set them up on my dresser. I went up to them and inspected them a little bit more. “Where’s Belle?” I asked.

She laughed, “Another time,” she smiled at me. “Now do I get to see what you bought today?”

I tried on everything from the bags, and received another surprise when I found those awful pajamas in a small bag with a handwritten note, ‘They’re too cute for you not to have them, today was fun, we’ll have to do it again soon! — Jessica’

I grumbled, “I can’t believe she bought these…” I said as Mom made me show her.

“Those are cuuuuute!” She exclaimed.

I sighed, “Yes they are, but I look like I’m five in them. Alyssa had me try them on as a gag, took my picture, and apparently her mom thought they looked too cute too…”

She gave me a hug, “You don’t have to wear them,” she told me.

I looked at her, “But you’d love to see me in them, wouldn’t you?”

Her smile widened.

I put them on long enough to show her, before changing into another pair of pajamas I already had, then carried the new clothes downstairs to wash. I was glad to have some new sundresses, as I really had enjoyed wearing the one the other day. They were a little impractical at times, but I felt good in them. Mom and I ended up cuddling up and watching some TV while the laundry ran. When they were finished I went to bed anticipating a very busy week.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 14: Discoveries
 
THE NEXT TWO mornings Alyssa and I went on rides that seemed to be getting faster and longer each time. I really liked the new bike, and appreciated her reminder to put a new spare tube in my bike bag before we headed out on Monday. Thankfully I managed to make it both days without another flat. That was just a pain! Both days Alyssa and I practiced horn together after I’d already done a couple hours. It seemed like the two of us had known each other for years by Tuesday night when she invited me to a sleepover Friday night.

I was a little nervous at first about Breanna and Danielle maybe having a little too much opportunity to learn about me, but I figured we would be safe. As it was I found myself trading text messages with the two of them pretty frequently each day. Each day I also took care of some loose ends in case I was going to stay this way. Deleting my Facebook profile was one of those first steps. I then created a new one with only my three friends from here, dad, and mom on it. If anyone in Conneaut asked I would say I just created one, and didn’t want to have any ties back home. This way Taylor Landt’s gender was female, liked males, and seemed pretty normal for a teenage girl going into high school.

Tuesday I also received some great news via a phone call from my horn teacher back in Atlanta. “Hi, Taylor?” he asked.

“Yes?” I’d answered, and was ecstatic to learn that he got me an audition with Cleveland’s principle horn player so he could evaluate me for lessons. “So Thursday?” I asked.

“That’s what he said, here’s his phone number,” he told me. “I put in a good word for you with him, and I have no doubt that your playing will speak for itself. Remember just count and stay in control of your air,” he told me in a fatherly voice.

“I’ll remember that, thanks!”

“Good luck,” he told me as we hung up on the phone call.

Unfortunately for mom that meant that she was going to have to make two trips into Cleveland now this week. Thankfully we were in a bit of a lull for her court wise, so she was able to miss the time from the office. I was so ecstatic when I told her I knew she probably would have made it happen no matter what. Tuesday night was a nervous night for me though. I’d been so worried about Wednesday that I made myself sick enough to throw up once.

Wednesday morning at nine, after a ride with Alyssa and a shower, Mom and I drove into Cleveland. I was nervous about wearing anything too girly, so I had stuck to one of my old band t-shirts and a pair of jeans that didn’t scream girl jeans too loudly with my hair pulled back into as low of a ponytail as I could manage with my new style. Of course I had a bra on, as I couldn’t think of a reason not to wear one. ‘They’re just going to make you strip at the hospital anyway,’ I thought to myself.

I was a pile of nerves as we pulled into the parking lot for The Clinic and walked into a reception area on the seventh floor. “Taylor has an appointment for this morning,” Mom told them and got me checked in. We were pulled into a hallway and into a room where I was handed a dressing gown.

“Hi Taylor,” a woman walked in a few moments later, “I’m Dr. Fitzgerald.”

“Hi,” I told her.

“Tell me about what’s been going on with you Taylor, I know what your chart says, I know what Dr. Moore has told me, and I’ve seen your past records, but I’d like to hear everything from you.” She told me.

I spent about ten minutes explaining everything, during which she took copious notes, nodding and asking questions as we went along.

“Okay Taylor, I’d like to look over you for a few minutes with a physical evaluation of my own. When we get finished with that I think it’ll be a good time to take a break for a couple hours, and I’ve scheduled a meeting for one o’clock with several of my colleagues to discuss your situation.” She told me gently.

“Okay,” I replied timidly. She proceeded to poke and prod my breasts and my lower parts, and made notes as she went. Dr. Fitzgerald drew a couple more vials of blood, and brought over another ultrasound machine.

“Sorry Taylor,” she apologized, “I know you went through this with Dr. Moore, but this machine is a little bit more advanced than the one she had. I want to make sure we have all of the data before we have our meeting with everyone.”

“It’s okay, I just wish the jelly wasn’t so… yucky,” was about all I could come up with.

She laughed, “I understand. I seem to get some of it on me once a week or so!”

Dr. Fitzgerald impressed me while she did all of her prodding and her examination with the ultrasound. She talked to me the whole time, not just about me. During the ultrasound she was kind enough to talk about what she saw, and I asked some of my own questions.

“So umm… do the ovaries… look… umm… normal?” I asked.

She laughed as ‘normal’ was kind of an odd word to use and stuck in my throat. “Yes Taylor, they do, I don’t see any lesions or cysts on the tissue, and they look like the size and appearance that would be normal… As does your uterus,” she added.

She helped me clean off the jelly after she ran a scan below too. “Why don’t you go ahead and get dressed Taylor, and I’ll explain to your mom how to get to the conference room we’re going to meet in later,” she suggested.

“Okay,” I said. When the door closed I pulled the panties from inside my pant leg where I’d hidden them. The bra was a known factor for the doctors, but I wasn’t quite ready to admit to them that I’d taken to being a girl already like a fish in water. I’d even removed my pretty nail polish that morning, and I hated doing that!

When I was dressed in my shirt, jeans, and had tied on my shoes I stood up and opened the door to find Mom waiting outside. “Well we have about two hours, why don’t we get something to eat, and then maybe go to the museum or something.” She suggested.

“Okay.”

“What do you want to eat?”

“I don’t know, what is there?”

“In this part of town?” She asked with a smile.

I nodded.

“It’s more a question of what isn’t there.” She laughed. “Little Italy is just down the road, how about something there?”

“Okay,” I said meekly. Now that I’d had my meeting with Dr. Fitzgerald I was feeling a bit more nervous. She hadn’t fully given away any of their diagnosis, but I suspected I was actually a girl. Otherwise I didn’t think she would have used the words normal to describe my ovaries… ‘My ovaries…’ talk about bizarre!

We drove down a road towards our destination and I noticed Severance Hall on the left, “That’s where the orchestra plays, right?” I asked excitedly.

“Yes it is,” she said with a smile. “This whole area is a pretty neat place. There are three universities, three major hospitals, a major art museum, the orchestra, a history museum, and a botanical garden all within this little section of town. And,” she said as she made a right turn, “right next to it is Little Italy.”

In a way it was all a bit overwhelming to see all of that in one place, but it was really neat! Mom drove down an older road that had an amazing church off to the side, and some older style buildings. She pulled into a valet spot and handed our keys to the attendant. It was a neat old restaurant that the menu said had started as a speakeasy in the early part of the 1900’s. I was amused that it said it was still owned by the same family… ‘Hmm… sounds like a crime movie!’

Lunch there was absolutely fantastic! Mom and I split a dish, and then split a tiramisu before getting back into the car. We had a good hour before we needed to be back at the hospital, so mom suggested we go to the art museum. “Not that it’s a big deal, but does it make sense to go pay admittance to this place for an hour?” I asked.

“That’s the best thing of all about this museum, it’s free. Supposedly it’s the largest free admittance museum in the country, if not one of the largest in the world.”

“Cool,” I said.

I had to laugh though when I saw parking was not free! It took the two of us ten minutes to find our way in, so we didn’t have a ton of time to look around. We flew through some parts though, and I was amazed that all of this was under one roof and free to go into! “We’ll have to come back sometime” I told mom as our time was up.

She smiled and nodded at that, and we headed to the appointment.

 
THE CONFERENCE ROOM was large, and featured a phone system speakerphone in the middle of the table. I could see a projector setup with a computer towards a screen, and several models of humans scattered about the room. Dr. Fitzgerald directed Mom and I to seats in at the center of the table, and sat across from us. Several other gentlemen, and one lady came in and took seats around us.

“Okay, I think this is everyone,” Dr. Fitzgerald said. “Let me introduce you to Taylor, and this is Ms. Redding,” he said pointing to us. The phone in the center of the table buzzed, and a second later, “Mr. Landt can you hear us?”

“Yes sir,” he said back.

“Hi Dad,” I said over the line.

“Hi Taylor,” he told me. “Hi Heather,” he said towards my mom.

“Okay, back to introductions, and for your benefit Mr. Landt, I’m Dr. Fitzgerald an internal medicine specialist, I saw Taylor earlier. With us are Dr. Gafford, a pediatric surgeon,” he said pointing to an older gentleman with graying hair, “Dr. Wilcox, an endocrinologist,” he pointed to another graying gentleman with less hair, “Dr. Wenger, a gynecologist,” an older lady was pointed out, “Dr. Canter, an anesthesiologist,” a younger gentleman, and “Dr. Jacobson, our resident psychiatrist who specializes in gender cases.” The last lady was quite pretty, but also very young still. She was easily the youngest doctor sitting around the table, but gave me a very warm and reassuring smile.

“Nice to meet you all,” I said timidly.

“Taylor, I’m sorry we’re not meeting with you a little more one-on-one for this, but I think it’s best if all of us are able to be here and answer questions and concerns as we decide what we need to do to move forward,” Dr. Jacobson told me.

“It’s okay,” I said braver than I knew I actually felt.

“Well, let’s go ahead and get right to it then,” Dr. Fitzgerald said. “Taylor, is very bright,” she told everyone around the table, “it’s probably best just to come out and say what’s going on.”

I nodded.

“Taylor, I’ve reviewed your scans, along with Dr. Wenger, and your reproductive organs seem to be completely normal and probably functional from what we can tell.”

I gasped at that — both scared and relieved, “What about my genetics?” I asked.

Dr. Wilcox handled that, “I’m not a geneticist, Dr. Ramier wasn’t able to make the meeting, but the karyotype came back interesting for you.”

‘Interesting?’ I thought to myself. Interesting in a genetic sense was not necessarily something I wanted to be.

He continued on, “You appear to have a genotype of XX like a normal girl.”

“So I am a girl?” I asked around the table.

I saw a bunch of nods, and Dr. Wilcox continued, “We think so. Dr. Ramier dug into the structure of your chromosomes a bit more though, and it appears that your second X is a little bit short on one of the legs. It’s possible that the missing information there caused the growth of what should have been a vagina into an enlarged organ that looks enough like a penis that it fooled your doctors for years,” he said.

“So just genetics?” I asked.

He nodded, but also shook his head after a moment, “There may be another factor that contributed. Ms. Redding, it says here that in your last trimester you were given a drug,” he named something I couldn’t pronounce, and at her nod continued, “the drug has been contraindicated for use during pregnancy for several years. It’s believed it may increase testosterone in the womb, and probably also helped confuse Taylor’s developing body.”

“What about Taylor’s hormones now?” My dad asked.

“Taylor’s levels are normal for a girl just entering puberty,” Dr.Wilcox said. “I see nothing hormonally out of the normal for a girl. If Taylor was genetically a boy we’d be talking about a whole other ballgame there.”

I just nodded. A comedy of biological errors had landed me in the situation I was in now.

“So what do we do now?” Mom asked.

“Well, I think the first thing is we need to get in there and do a small biopsy laparoscopically,” Dr. Wenger said. “It appears everything is functional, but I want to make sure that the tissue isn’t malignant — conditions like this have been known to be an issue that way. Also, I’d like to get an idea if Taylor is fertile or not.” She added.

“Okay, but does this mean we get rid of this extra appendage,” I asked. I’d practiced what I would call it if this was the result.

“Do you want to?” Dr. Jacobson asked.

I looked at her for a moment, but was surprised when I didn’t hesitate at responding confidently, “If I’m really a girl, yes. Absolutely!”

“Your chart shows no previous gender issues, no dressing up as a girl, or anything, are you sure you want to make this leap?” She asked.

For the first time I noticed she was sizing me up. I decided just to undo my ponytail and shook it out. “Look, I had never thought about it until Tuesday after the appointment with Dr. Moore. Since then I’ve been dressing as a girl every day and it just seemed right. It’s hard to explain, but it’s kind of like everything became clear suddenly…I was bound and determined after the last week to go on as a girl either way, now that I know that I really am a girl, genetically, I definitely don’t want to have extra parts.”

She smiled, nodding at me before saying, “I know the feeling.”

‘Huh?’ I thought to myself.

“I think we’re going to need to do something anyway,” Dr. Wenger said. “If Taylor is fertile, I’m surprised she hasn’t already been having periods. If she starts soon,” this was the first time I was called a she, and I noticed it, “then I’m concerned about how her body will deal with the discharge.”

“What would you do?” Mom asked.

Dr. Gafford spoke up, “I think that if everything comes back normal with the biopsy I would recommend what is basically a procedure to open up her vaginal canal. Her bladder connects to everything the right way, we just need to reshape some tissue to create a normal looking vagina. In Taylor’s case it amounts to minor reconstructive surgery.”

“Are you sure about all of this?” My dad spoke up for the first time.

“Mr. Landt, if we weren’t sure we wouldn’t be having this meeting,” Dr. Fitzgerald spoke up.

“When would you want to operate?” He asked.

“She’s obviously started puberty, so she could ovulate soon. If that were to happen, the discharge is indeed an issue, so I don’t think we should wait long,” Dr. Gafford said. Dr. Fitzgerald and Wenger nodded in affirmation. “I think we can do the biopsy next Tuesday, I checked and I have penciled Taylor in for an opening.”

“And the other surgery?” Dad asked.

“Well that is a more invasive procedure, maybe less so due to Taylor’s being a genetic girl, but it’s going to knock her off of her feet for a while,” Dr. Jacobson said. I was surprised that the young psychiatrist answered that question.

“I think the best thing would be to get her in the following week if possible for those reasons,” Dr. Gafford said.

They spoke at length for another thirty minutes with us about risks, the additional doctors that would have to be called in for what they were calling corrective surgery. “If we called it a true genital reassignment surgery we would not be able to do anything until you were eighteen,” Dr. Jacobson chimed in again.

“So this should be covered by insurance?” Dad asked.

“Yes, it will be.” Dr. Fitzgerald answered, “I already had our accounting and legal department go through and sort that out.”

“So tentatively let’s schedule the surgery for Monday the week after.” He said.

The people involved in the surgery all nodded and I heard Dad say, “I’ll take a flight up there and stay for a week before the training camp week starts.”

I was suddenly shaking a little bit in my head, ‘This is a major surgery, isn’t it?’ I thought to myself.

“Let’s plan a pre-op for the Friday before,” Dr. Gafford said, and my next few weeks were quickly packed in with surgery plans and some appointments to see Dr. Jacobson. She apparently wanted to make sure I was going to be doing all right for real, and we scheduled my first appointment with her to be tomorrow afternoon before my horn lesson.

There were a ton of details and paperwork that had to be filled out, birth certificate and other records to correct, and I was kind of in a stunned silence as we walked back to mom’s car. I turned my iPhone back on and saw several texts from Alyssa. I decided to tell her the minimum, and would fill her in on details when we got home. ‘Am really a girl, surgery to come,’ I told her.

‘Hug, I knew u were!’ she responded.

I smiled weakly and jumped a bit when the phone vibrated in my hand, “Hi Dad, I said just as I had finished buckling my seatbelt.”

“Taylor, I just wanted to call and make sure you were really okay after all of that,” he said.

“I’m not sure what okay is right now,” I told him honestly, “I think I’ll be happier living as a girl, but it’s kind of a bombshell to have dropped on you in the middle of the summer just before you’re supposed to be turning fourteen and starting high school…” I kind of rushed those words, and felt my eyes moisten a bit.

Mom hugged me and stroked my hair at the outburst.

“I know sweetie. Do you want me to come up there sooner?” He asked.

“No, do what you need to do, if you want to come up the weekend before and do something before I get landed in bed for a week or more, I’d be okay with that.”

Mom gave me a nod from the side that she understood. I didn’t know where she was driving, but a bit later I realized we were at the same place we’d gotten milk shakes just a week-and-a-half ago. I had just finished with Dad as she pulled in.

“Milk shake?” She asked me.

I nodded, “Thanks, that sounds good.”

We took a seat and I ordered a strawberry shake, musing that I was just as silent as the last time we were here, but for different reasons. “Are you okay?” Mom asked.

I shook my head, “Yes and no.”

“I guess I can understand that.” She replied.

“Mom I love you a lot, but there really is no way you can understand this.” I told her.

“I know you are confused about everything, and I know the pain I see in your face, and I also know I saw a smile on your face when you found out you were female. What changed?”

I stayed silent for a moment, “I’m scared.”

“The surgery?” she asked.

I nodded. “What if I go in and don’t wake up?” I asked, “What if something else goes wrong?” I was fighting back tears, I didn’t really want to cry in public here.

“They’re the best doctors in the country from what I understand,” Mom told me.

My eyebrows raised, “How do you know that?”

“We made sure of it. That’s part of why you have so many doctors. Your dad and I made sure that we went through every bit of history we could on them, and they’re good doctors. The other specialists they’re going to bring in are also some of the best. They know what they’re doing,” Mom told me. The way she said it though, I wondered if she was trying to make herself believe it as much as myself.

“I hope so,” I answered.

“Well, we’re in town now, what do you want to do?”

“Aren’t you going to need to get some work done at some point in the next few weeks at the office?”

Mom nodded, “I will, but I’ll shuffle things around. My clients and the judges will make the shuffling happen, and everything will be fine,” she assured me.

I bit my lip, which was fast becoming my nervous habit. “Could we maybe go get my ears pierced?” I asked tentatively.

“I think we could do that,” Mom said with a smile.

Milk shakes finished, we drove away towards one of the malls we had gone into last week. I steered us towards Claire’s, and within five minutes I was sporting a pair of white gold cubic zirconium earrings. I liked a pair of fake tanzanite ones that had a daisy design, but Mom was practical and suggested these would go with anything I wore for the next six weeks. I’d had to ask her about surgery with them, and she said we’d get them back in as soon as we could if they made me take them out. She was pretty sure they would though.

We wandered around the mall for a couple hours, both trying on clothes, and ended up walking out with a few more bags of clothes and shoes each. “You want to try that fondue restaurant that I told you about?” Mom asked me.

I shrugged, “Sure, but can I switch to that new dress?” I asked as we closed on an exit.

She smiled at me, “Sure, let’s duck into this bathroom.” She stood guard while I changed into the cute yellow sundress that we’d found, and switched to a pair of white sandals that we’d found to match. I checked my hair in the mirror and dug a miniature hairbrush out of my small purse to straighten it up. Being in a ponytail this morning certainly had not helped it!

I had a little bit of makeup with me in this purse, but not enough to do my face completely, so all I put on was some lip-gloss and mascara. Mom smiled at me and said, “You look fine,” sweetheart,” and led me through the doors back to our car. My jeans and the t-shirt I’d worn this morning had found a home back in the bag of purchases. The mall was practically next door to the fondue restaurant, so we were there as quick as we entered the car.

“Just you two ladies tonight?” a host asked

Mom answered, “Yes.”

“Right this way please,” he told us and led us to a small table.

I won’t describe the whole meal, and every course in detail, but it was really good! Mom and I ended up talking about a lot of different things, from makeup, to boys (whom I assured her that even once I had things fixed, they still had cooties!), to school, to my lesson the next day. I was really excited about that part, and hoped that I would be good enough to earn a spot studying with Mr. Fark on a regular basis.

“So, what are you going to wear tomorrow?” Mom asked me during the dessert course.

“For the lesson or the appointment?” I asked. Suddenly unsure what to wear!

“Calm down,” she heard the concern in my voice, “one of your sundresses?” she suggested.

I nodded, “But which one?”

“Well…”

“I mean, I’m sure Dr. Jacobson is going to think I’m a total nutcase tomorrow,” I paused, “or at least I think she’s expecting me to be a total nutcase.”

Mom giggled, “Well, you are,” she said with a smile.

“I am not,” I said with a pouting voice before sticking my tongue out at her.

“You most certainly are, but not for the reasons you’re worried about,” she told me.

“Anyways,” I said drawing out the first two syllables, “I don’t want to seem weird and trying to jump in too fast or that you’re pushing me, or…”

“Taylor, breathe,” she told me. “It’ll be okay, I guarantee you she’ll be okay with you no matter what.”

“Why?”

“She’s a good doctor, that’s why,” Mom said.

“I guess…” I said unconvinced.

The waiter, who had been awesome the whole meal, came by with the check and did the final cleanup of our table. “Come back again soon,” he said as we stood up to leave.

Mom and I visited a few more stores, but didn’t really find anything that we wanted. When we arrived home about nine that night, all I really wanted to do was take a bath and go to bed. Alyssa texted me though, as soon as she saw us drive up. “You want to come over for a bit?” she asked.

I sighed, “Mom, Alyssa wants me to come over,” I told her.

She looked at me and said, “Be back by eleven, we’re going to have to go to town about noon to make it in time for your lesson, and then the appointment afterwards.”

“I know… I probably wouldn’t even go if I didn’t owe her an explanation of what’s going on,” I told her.

Mom gave me a hug and then I grabbed my purse to head over to Alyssa’s. She met me at the door so I didn’t have to ring the doorbell, and led me upstairs to her room and we closed her bedroom door. “So what happened?” Alyssa asked both concerned and intensely curious.

“I’m a true freak,” I told her with a thin smile. I spent a half-hour telling her everything the doctors had told me.

“So you’re a girl for real?” She confirmed.

I nodded, “I just grew an extra part for some reason.”

“So you should be having periods too?” She asked.

I made a face, “Yeah, they’re saying it’s a good thing I haven’t yet though, as I don’t have a way to get rid of it right now.”

“Are they going to do surgery on that?” She asked with concern.

It was at that point that I had tears coming down my face and nodded, “I’m scared of it too. They’re supposed to do the laparoscopic thing next Tuesday to take a biopsy, and then they want to do everything the following Monday.” I was in full-blown tears then. It was different than with my mom, Alyssa was a friend and I think she understood my fear of surgery a bit more.

“It’ll be okay Taylor, I’ll come visit you!” she told me soothingly.

“Ack! And, that’s another thing, I’ll be locked in a hospital room for at least a week! What am I going to do for a week in a bed!?!?” I asked.

We heard a knock on the door just then, “Are you both okay?” Alyssa’s mom came in.

I nodded, but she was smart enough to decipher that I’d been crying.

“What’s wrong Taylor?” She asked.

I was torn now, I didn’t have a clue of what to tell her. “It’s kind of a long story,” I told her.

“I have time,” she said.

“I believe you,” I told her, “but I’m not sure you’ll look at me the same afterwards,” I told her.

“Is this about the fact that you’re a boy?” she asked.

Screech! What?

“Huh?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure at first, but about midway through dinner that first night I figured it out. You confused me a lot though when you started dressing in girls’ clothes.”

I sighed. “It’s sort of about that, but it’s not quite what you think,” I sniffled. I spent a half-hour telling her the story, and she ended up giving me a tight hug afterwards. “I’m a freak,” I told her with a smile.

“No you’re not,” she told me. “You’re a very brave young lady who’s going through a rough time.”

I nodded.

“Well, at least I don’t have to worry anymore about you and Alyssa getting up to anything!” She said somewhat jokingly.

Alyssa and I looked at each other, “Yuck!”

Her mom laughed, “You are definitely a girl Taylor. Hang in there, the surgery will be over soon and the pain and everything will just be a memory.”

“I hope so… Sorry for lying to you guys,” I told her.

“You never lied to me at all Taylor, and I never asked the question, did I?” She asked and looked at me. I shook my head, “So don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks,” I said.

“So, what are you going to do in your last two weeks of freedom?” Alyssa asked.

I shrugged, “No idea.”

“We’ll have to come up with something!” she told me.

It was at that moment that my iPhone began ringing, ‘Mom’ showed on the front of it. ‘I really need to take a picture with her!’ I yelled at myself. “Hi Mom,” I said.

“You coming home?” she asked.

I laughed, “Yes, I’ll come home now. See you in a minute.”

“I guess I’m out past when I said I would be,” I told Alyssa and her mom.

“You could stay the night,” Alyssa suggested.

“I think that would be fun, but not tonight… I think my mom needs me home,” I told her.

She nodded. Alyssa’s mom followed me downstairs and gave me a hug before watching me cross the yard to my house. When I turned around at my door she waved me goodnight, and I entered the house, locking the door behind me.

“I was beginning to think you got lost,” Mom said, already in her nightgown.

“Well, I had to update Alyssa… and then I ended up telling her mom the whole thing all over again. She found me crying with Alyssa.” I bit my lip; I hoped she wouldn’t be mad at me for telling her.

“I figured I’d have to tell her this weekend if it hadn’t come up beforehand,” Mom told me.

“Why?”

“Well, with you hanging out with Alyssa all of the time, she’d probably be concerned when you disappeared to the hospital, right?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

We stood silently for a few minutes and I asked, “Mom, what am I going to do in the hospital all of that time?” I added, “I’m going to be beyond bored!”

“Well… we have a couple weeks to think about it sweetheart,” she told me soothingly.

“Not really, it’s less than two weeks,” I told her and found my waterworks was working just fine again.

She hugged me and soothed me for a few minutes before suggesting, “Why don’t you take a bath before you go to bed sweetie?”

“Okay,” I said.

I headed to the bathroom to get the water started, grabbed a pair of pajamas, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and then stripped and stepped into the suds. It did help to be in the water, and I must have sort of zoned out, because Mom opened the door to check on me. “Are you okay Taylor?” she asked.

I freaked out a bit that she opened the door at that point, but controlled myself. “I’m fine,” I said slipping my body underneath a pile of the remaining bubbles.

“Okay, let me know when you’re out.” She told me.

I decided that was a hint, unstopped the tub, and then dried off. I froze though as I looked at the pajamas on the counter. They were most definitely not the ones I brought in with me! ‘Mom!’ I thought annoyed. I had to smile though, she had managed to get me good here. On the counter lay the pajamas that Alyssa’s mom had bought me — the ones that made me look like I was five! They were pink with multi-colored cartoon fairies arranged all over the fabric. Their fairy wands emitted multi-colored hearts, stars, and circles. The top was a baby-doll style top with a piece of elastic that landed right below my budding breasts and the bottoms were a pair of drawstring pants.

I grumbled as I pulled on the pajamas and opened the door up. Mom was sitting in the chair in my room when I entered. She smiled at me, “You look adorable!”

I stuck my tongue out at her, “Not fair.”

She laughed. “Are you ready to call it a night?” She asked.

I nodded, “I’m not staying up any later for certain!” I told her.

She was intent on treating me like I was five obviously, because she pulled the covers open and tucked me in again like she had been, but out of nowhere she pulled out a book, ‘5 Minute Princess Stories,’ and I giggled. “Well then, how about a bedtime story?” with a grin of her own.

I gave her a big hug and said, “Please!”

She read to me a story about Belle, and I said, “Thank you Mommy,” in a sweet voice.

“Taylor, I promise you things will work out, and your fairytale ending will come someday too,” she kissed my forehead, and said “Good night princess!” and turned the lights off.

I went to sleep both nervous and feeling better about myself than I had in a long time. Tonight with Mom had been truly silly, but I went to sleep and had good dreams all night because of it.

 

I'll be traveling more this weekend without privacy so I'm posting a new chapter today. Look for the next one Monday or Tuesday! As always, comments are always appreciated, thanks for reading!

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 15: The Wait
 
THE NEXT MORNING I woke up and headed out with Alyssa for our fourth straight day of riding with each other in the morning. She decided to push it on a shorter ride, and see how fast I could ride and still keep up with her. We were pushing about twenty-five miles an hour for a bit before I had to slow down.

“Not bad,” Alyssa said to me when I rode up out of breath behind her to our houses.

“Not bad? You left me in the dust!” I complained.

“Yeah, but you’re also like eight inches shorter than I am, you have to use more energy to keep up with me,” she told me.

“That’s true,” I said and grimaced, “any way to overcome that?” I asked.

She shrugged, “If you can keep your cadence higher you might be better off,” she said as we both drank from our water bottles.

“My what?”

Alyssa went into a ten minute spiel explaining the idea of the cadence setting on my bike computer, and how eventually it could help out quite a bit.

“I guess that makes sense,” I told her.

She smiled, “I probably told you way more than you ever wanted to know… I am kind of obsessive about this stuff.”

“That’s okay; it’s fun to ride with you! Maybe I’ll get just as obsessed.”

I split off from her and headed into the house to take a shower. Mom had gone into work, but I was supposed to be ready by noon when she came back to pick me up. The shower felt great, and I took extra time with my hair and makeup so that I’d make a good impression on Mr. Fark. He was considered one of the greatest horn players in the country, and I really wanted to study with him.

‘I hope Mr. Harringen didn’t tell him too much about me…’ I thought nervously to myself. Explaining why I was a girl now was not something I really wanted to do. ‘At least you really are a girl,’ I reminded myself. For not the first time I felt bad for those that I had read about online that had always wished they’d been born in another body. I’d never even had a single dream like that, and it came true for me.

When I finished getting ready I thought I looked pretty, and was reasonably confident that I would make a good impression on both appointments today. ‘I should go warm-up,’ I said to myself and headed downstairs to get my horn. I spent a good hour just on my warm-up routine and getting the best sound I could before running through some orchestral excerpts and the two pieces I had prepared to play for him.

‘I hope it’s enough’ I thought to myself as I took out a polishing cloth and wiped down every surface of my horn. When I was certain it was clean, I unscrewed the bell and got it put away in the case. I took my music and put it in a folder and headed upstairs with both in hand. It was only ten-thirty so I didn’t know what to do. My lesson was supposed to be at one-thirty, but Mom was planning on leaving early enough to ensure we arrived there without rushing. He was meeting us at a music school.

I decided just to sit down and continue Twilight on my iPad.

“Ready sweetheart?” Mom asked, startling me. I hadn’t even heard her come in.

“Yeah,” I said, “let me go to the bathroom really quick.” I told her. I decided to save time by just using the downstairs half-bath, and we were soon on the road back to Cleveland. I kept reading my book on my iPad as we drove.

“We’re going to have to get you some more books for that thing before you go in,” Mom suggested.

I nodded grimly. I was trying not to think about that. Mom decided to stop on the way in for lunch at Panera, and we both enjoyed half a sandwich and a bowl of soup. It was light enough I wasn’t worried about it upsetting my stomach for my upcoming audition. After the meal I excused myself to the restroom, where I brushed my teeth. When we were back in the car I pulled my mouthpiece out from my purse and annoyed Mom as I buzzed and warmed up on my mouthpiece some more.

“Do you have to do that in the car?”

“Mom, most pros spend an hour or more buzzing each day. I really want to do well in there…” I said worriedly.

She just shook her head and smiled, “You’ll do just fine!”

“Still…” I said and continued. I stopped a few minutes away and applied a thin coat of lip balm, hoping the telltale ring on my lips would fade by the time we arrived.

Mom drove through the same area of town we’d been in the day before, and drove up to the music conservatory. There were signs for visitor parking, and we were soon checking into a front desk with a security officer giving us directions down a corridor with little windows on thick soundproof doors.

When we came to the door that he had told us to go to, I looked inside and knocked. “Hello?” I asked politely.

“Taylor Landt?” the man sitting in a chair with a horn asked.

“Yes sir,” I replied.

His eyes narrowed for a moment and I wondered if my old teacher had mentioned I was a ‘he.’ “I’m James Fark,” he told me with a smile. He was in his mid-forties, and seemed like he’d probably been pretty handsome in his youth.

“It’s nice to meet you!” I told him, trying not to seem too excited.

“And you as well, Alan told me you are the biggest horn prodigy he’s seen come along in twenty years.”

I blushed, “He exaggerates a bit I’m sure,” I said modestly.

“Well, let’s see which one of you is correct,” he told me with a smile. There was a couch in the room where Mom sat to watch the lesson. He motioned to it and spoke with her for a few moments while I put my horn together.

“What would you like to hear?” I asked.

“What all do you have prepared?”

I listed off the excerpts and pieces I had ready, and noticed his eyebrow rise a bit on one of the pieces. He asked me to play two excerpts and the piece that caught his attention after a few scales. I played everything perfectly, or at least as perfectly as I had ever played them, and smiled as I saw his expression.

“You’re only thirteen?”

I nodded, “I’ll be fourteen in a couple weeks.”

“Amazing,” He said and muttered, “and you’re barely big enough to hold the horn,” with a shake of his head.“You don’t live in Cleveland, correct?” he asked my mom.

“No, Conneaut, it’s right next to the Pennsylvania border.”

“Hmm… Well, we’ll figure out a way to make lessons work out so it doesn’t inconvenience you more than we have to I suppose. That is a long drive!” He smiled. “I think we need to get you in touch with a couple of the youth bands in the area, it’s too late for the youth orchestra this year, but we might be able to pull a few favors in to get you into another group here.”

“Cool!” I said.

“What do you want to work on next?” He asked me. The two of us hit it off right away, and I had one of the most enjoyable lessons I’d ever had. I knew the check for these lessons was not going to be cheap, but I hoped I would learn a lot from him! As we left the lesson he gave us a list of pieces to buy, and suggested looking in the music store there for them.

“It was a pleasure to meet you Taylor, I look forward to working with you!” He told me as we left. We’d scheduled another lesson for Friday of next week, in the hopes I could get it in before the pre-op meeting.

I sighed as we got back into the car and headed for my meeting with Dr. Jacobson. “It won’t be that bad,” Mom assured me.

“Right…” I said.

The elevator to her office left me with plenty of time to be more nervous, along with all of the paperwork that was handed to us as we entered the office. “Can’t we just do one set of forms for this place and they share?” I asked while Mom finished the six-page questionnaire over insurance and past medical history.

She laughed, “You would think.”

As soon as Mom handed the secretary that set of forms, she handed me a clipboard to start filling out a questionnaire as well, but this one was random questions. ‘It must be some sort of personality test,’ I remarked to myself as I answered questions that seemed to never end. I noticed that several questions appeared more than once, but were worded slightly different. I had just managed to complete the hundredth, and final question, when I heard, “Taylor?”

I saw Dr. Jacobson smiling at me through a door and she invited me back to an office. We were directed to a couch together opposite a chair that she sat in. “Thanks for coming back in again today,” she told us.

“Well, whatever we need to do, we’ll do,” Mom told her.

“Here’s how I would like to handle these sessions, mainly I’d like to meet with Taylor alone. Anything Taylor says to me is for my ears only, unless I feel like Taylor’s life is endangered.” She looked at me seriously. “I won’t tell your parents anything that you don’t specifically tell me I can say.”

I nodded, “This isn’t my first time to an office like this,” I told her honestly. I felt mom cringe a bit next to me — she knew the other visits were her fault.

“Okay, well if we’re all clear on this, I’d like to see Taylor alone for about forty minutes, and then I’d like to talk to you alone for ten minutes Ms. Redding, and then both of you for ten more to finish,” she said.

“Sounds good,” Mom replied and she left back out to the lobby.

“So Taylor, I have to say I’m a little surprised to see you dressed like this today, I understood that you had never worn girls clothing before last week — correct?”

I nodded, and told her about the last week, and continued on through a ton of questions she presented. Some of her questions and answers were way more insightful than I ever expected to hear. I thought she was reading my mind sometimes, and she seemed to know it. After my forty minutes were up, Mom came in, and I sat back down in the lobby. It wasn’t long before I was back in there though, and Dr. Jacobson said, “Okay, I want to talk about a few things before you go today.”

“First, I think Taylor is adjusting just fine, and I don’t believe we’ll need to continue many of these sessions after the procedure. But, I do want to meet weekly, including while she’s in the hospital, so that we can deal with anything that comes up. We did discuss her anxiety over surgery a bit earlier Ms. Redding,” she said. It was the one thing I’d mentioned I was more than slightly nervous about.

“I know it’s making her nervous,” Mom said.

“Well, I guess that leads to something I feel like I should disclose to you both, and maybe I can be a little more of a resource to you Taylor. At one point I was in a similar office, talking to a person about somewhat similar issues,” she told me.

“You’re transgendered, aren’t you?” I asked.

“You guessed?” she seemed a little embarrassed.

“Not from your appearance or anything,” I assured her, “you just seemed to be able to read my thoughts a little bit too well.”

“You remind me of myself, but you’re going to be going through a whole different thing. Also, you’re getting this procedure done much sooner than I was able to.” She told me with a smile.

“Does it hurt?” I asked.

“Yes,” she answered honestly. “It was one of the most miserable few weeks I’ve ever had in my life… Only one time outdid it, and there’s no reason to mention that one!” she said making light of something I figured must have been serious.

“You got through it though?”

“Yes, and so will you. That is, assuming you’re sure this is what you want to do…”

“It is, even if I didn’t have a choice, this would be the choice I’d make.”

“I believe you. Well, it’s time for me to send you out so I can get to my next patient. If you have any questions, concerns, or ever need to make an emergency phone call this is my cell phone number,” she said while handing Mom and I business cards. “Call day, night, whenever if you need to.”

“Thanks,” I said.

As we walked out of the door I said, “Thanks also for being upfront with me.”

She smiled and waved.

Mom and I walked down the hall to the elevator and I took in the chaotic surroundings that greeted us downstairs. People hustled around to various procedures, appointments, and countless other things in what must be a busy hospital. “I wonder what the Children’s Hospital will be like?” I asked Mom as we walked down the hallway.

Mom gave me a hug around my shoulders and then held my hand as we walked out the door. “I’m sure it’ll be nicer to stay in than here,” she assured me.

“Why?”

“They’re used to stir crazy kids!” she laughed, trying to make me feel better.

“I guess,” I said doubtfully. The doctors were doing my procedure there, even though most of them normally practiced at this hospital. They’d explained that the Children’s Hospital was better equipped to deal with ‘smaller bodies.’ I’d asked if that was a short joke yesterday…

I sat down in the seat and pulled my iPad onto my lap. I didn’t really know what our plans were at this point. “What do you want to do?” Mom asked.

I shrugged, “We’ve bought more clothes for me than I’m going to know what to do with for a while,” I told her, “we could still go shopping… but I don’t know where else to go?” I suggested.

She thought for a moment, “I can see why you’d be a bit shopped out right now. I guess head back home?” She suggested.

I nodded, “That sounds good.”

The truth was that the last two days had been beyond stressful, and I just wanted to go home and curl up more than anything else. The drive home was silent, not that I didn’t want to talk to Mom, but I just didn’t know what to say. Mom was just as overwhelmed and I sensed her stress. We ordered a pizza just before we arrived in Conneaut, and it was delivered shortly after we got home. I texted Alyssa to discuss the sleepover briefly, and then Mom and I found our way into pajamas and once again curled under a blanket on the couch.

“Mom…?” I asked.

“What sweetie?”

I bit my lip, “Never mind.” I said.

“What?” She asked.

“No, I really mean it. Never mind,” I said.

She hugged me tightly, “What’s bothering you?”

I didn’t want to ask the question, but it came out anyway, “If you… If you had known I was a girl, would you still have left me with Dad?” I felt the tears streaming down my eyes. I felt like a terrible person for even asking such a question.

I felt her hug me tighter, “Taylor, you know I never wanted to leave you, right?”

I just sat still; even to this day I wasn’t sure I believed that. “I guess,” I finally said.

She sighed, “Taylor, leaving you was the last thing that I wanted to do… You know we’ve never had a civil discussion about this, are you sure you want to talk about this?”

I turned so I could face her and nodded through my watery eyes, “We need to,” I said.

She sighed again and stared at me a moment. “Taylor, before I left, your dad and I fought every single night. I didn’t think he was cheating on me, but he stayed out to all hours of the night a lot of times with the guys from the team. I was lonely, and he wasn’t letting me spend time with any other girls or guys, and I never saw the outside world without him present. It wasn’t that he was abusive per se, but he was very controlling. He’d been that way since we’d been dating in college, but it got worse as he grew more successful. Getting drafted by Atlanta didn’t help. Eventually I was going out of my mind.”

She paused as if to see if I was going to blow up, but a part of me was ready and needed to hear this. “When you were born it was a great moment for me, I loved you dearly… but I had some complications that kept me from completing my spring semester that I needed to graduate. With your Dad going to Atlanta, I felt like I had no choice but to go with him and leave school unfinished. For six years I felt helpless because he refused to let me get a job, and even if he had I wouldn’t have been able to get anything in the true professional world. In a word, I felt caged.”

I could see her eyes moistening. “I could have fought a custody battle with your dad for you, and being the mother I probably would have won. However, I knew for a fact the next three years were going to be really lean for me financially. You were past the point of needing diapers and stuff obviously, but raising a child isn’t cheap. Child support would have paid for it I suppose, but it seemed stupid to cheat you out of a good life that you could have with him. You always followed him around when he was home, and I felt like you were choosing him… little did I know that you were actually a daddy’s girl,” she said the last part with a giggle mixed in with a sniffle, “I’d known kids as I grew up that split weeks with their parents and that didn’t seem like the right answer either. So…” she paused, “I guess you know the rest.”

She looked like I’d kicked her, as sad as she looked, and I found myself giving her a hug I never would have before this move.

“You asked whether I would have left you if I’d known you were a girl… I don’t know, I think so,” she answered sadly. “Although I can’t imagine learning to be a young woman on your own, so I don’t know. All I know is that I’m sorry, and I love you more than you can ever know.”

“I love you too Mom,” I managed after several minutes of crying and sniffling from the two of us. We sat there together for a long time hugging.

 
“SO WHAT ARE you doing tomorrow?” Mom asked after the two of us had both gone to the restroom and wiped off our tear streaked faces.

“Did I tell you Alyssa invited me over for a slumber party?”

“No, you didn’t.” She paused, “Who’s going to be there?”

“Breanna and Danielle,” I answered.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this, and that this is a good idea?”

“I think so. I’ll make sure I change in the bathroom, and I’m sure Alyssa will run interference for me if something comes up.”

“Hmm… I guess that’ll be okay. You know you probably need a sleeping bag,” she told me.

“I hadn’t thought of that…”

“Probably should get you a duffle bag, a makeup bag, and a bunch of other travel things for nights like this too…”

I looked at the clock that hung above the TV, “Could we still go to Walmart tonight?” I suggested.

“It’s only nine…” she said, “Yes, but both of us need to triple check our faces!” she told me. “Don’t put more makeup on; just make sure your face is clear.”

“Okay,” I told her.

After changing back to street clothes the two of us set off for the nearest Walmart in a town over, and were in the store by nine-thirty. We quickly found a purple sleeping bag in the sporting goods area that would work for a slumber party, “I wouldn’t go camping with it,” she advised.

“What do you know about camping?” I asked.

“That’s something your dad and I had in common,” she told me with a smile.

“I didn’t know that,” I admitted. Dad had taken me on more outdoor camping trips than I cared to remember over the years. Other than being out in areas away from people they’d never really appealed to me.

We found a small duffle bag that I could keep clothes in and a couple other little things here and there for the night. Mom had teased me at one point picking up a little Barbie pull along suitcase, ‘It’s even the right size for you,’ she had joked. I’d politely pointed out she only had four inches on me, which had earned me a tongue sticking out at me.

We were home by ten-thirty, and I was in bed not ten-minutes later, exhausted.

 
THE NEXT MORNINGI was once again up and riding with Alyssa. We were about ten miles from home when one of her tires went flat. As she changed it on the side of the road we chatted, “So how did yesterday go with the shrink?” She asked.

“Okay I guess…” I told her.

“What was she like?”

I went on to describe her, but left out the fact that she was transgendered. If you met her you would never know, and I didn’t feel like I should give away her secret, even if she shared it openly with me. “Mainly we talked about how scared I am about the surgery,” I admitted as she was just pulling the tire back onto the rim.

“Just how bad is this surgery?” She asked me.

I sighed, “Well, they think it’s going to basically be similar to when you do a full operation on a transsexual, but they didn’t seem one-hundred percent certain the other day. I think they’ll know more on Tuesday, when they do the laparoscope,” I paused as she used her cartridge pump to fill up her tire. “That means they’re going to turn what’s there inside out, in my case connect up the various tubes more properly, and the recovery will be the worst part…”

“Why?”

I explained why.

“That sounds awful!” She said at first, “But, I know where to go when I want a vibrator!”

I slapped her lightly across the shoulder, “Gross! I am so not sharing with you,” I replied to get even with her.

The two of us began riding back home the last thirty some minutes of the ride. “So how long are you going to be in the hospital, total?”

“Well, they’re just guessing based on the other type of surgery, and that’s about seven to nine days in the hospital afterwards.”

“I’ll come visit, I promise!” She told me.

“You’d better,” I told her, “or I will go insane!”

“What’s this going part?” she joked as we pulled into the driveways.

I stuck my tongue out at her as we stepped off our bikes.

“Is your dad coming up for it?” she asked.

I nodded slightly out of breath, “Yeah and I think Rachel may too…”

“Have you talked to her anymore?”

“No.” I said, “And I don’t want to either.”

“I don’t blame you.” She told me.

“What time do you want me to come over?” I asked.

“Well… why don’t you come over after lunch?” She suggested, “That’ll give me some time to do some chores. Mom was yelling at me about them yesterday,” she smiled at that. “Oh! Do you have a sleeping bag?”

“Mom and I bought one last night,” I told her.

“Good, I didn’t think you wanted the one I used to use,” she said with a wink.

I looked at her strange, “Why?”

“It’s bubblegum pink with Disney Princesses on it. You’re actually still small enough to fit into it,” she joked.

“First my mom, now you,” I said indignantly, but smiled. “Anything else I need to bring?”

“Stuffed animals are optional, but encouraged!” she said with a smile.

“Okay,” I told her, and the two of us split off to our houses and our respective showers.

I had about four hours or so to kill it seemed. Alyssa had suggested just wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top tonight, so that’s what I found myself wearing with all of this time to kill. I felt fairly passionate about my playing after impressing such an awesome player yesterday, so I practiced for a couple hours before I realized it was already eleven. I cleaned up my horn and went upstairs to triple check my bag, and make sure I had everything I would need. My new sleeping bag sat next to it, and I put a pillow next to the pile.

‘What am I forgetting?’ I thought to myself. ‘Alyssa said to bring a stuffed animal…’ With that thought I went upstairs to grab Allie. The bear in a dress seemed especially prescient given the last few weeks. I hugged her for a moment, and then put her in my bag. I dragged everything downstairs then went back upstairs to get the charger for my iPhone.

With everything packed I had no idea what else I wanted to do, but decided lunch might be smart. Nothing looked that great in the cabinets, the fridge, or the freezer, so I settled for a salad from a mix that was in the fridge. I’d just finished up the leafy plate when my phone screen lit up next to me with a text from Alyssa, “You coming over soon?”

“Sure,” I replied.

“Cool!” She said, and added, “So excited, 2night will be fun! (-:”

I cleaned up my plate and began gathering up my bag and sleeping bag. ‘At least if I forget anything I can just run next door!’ I reminded myself. ‘That also applies to running away if something goes wrong,’ I added glumly. I didn’t really think anything would, but this was my first sleepover ever. I’d never even gone over to a friend’s house overnight before, mainly because I didn’t have any close friends!

I locked my door behind me, and walked the short distance across to Alyssa’s house. She was there in the open door when I walked up, “This is going to be fun!” she said again, she was practically bouncing off the walls. Once we set my stuff down in the basement theater room, we went back upstairs to her room.

“So… umm… what are we doing tonight?” I asked.

She looked at me for a second, and I thought I’d sprouted alien eyes or something, “What do you mean?”

“Well… I’ve never exactly been to a slumber party,” I said with a timid smile.

“Wow… I never thought about that! I’ve grown up going one every few weeks since I think I was seven,” she added. I could see in her face I’d truly just blown her mind. “Never?”

I shook my head, “Never, boys don’t do those kinds of things… but I’ve never even stayed the night at another friends house,” I added embarrassingly.

Suddenly I felt myself wrapped in a hug from her, “Well then,” she said as she parted from me, “we’ll just have to give you the full experience!” she giggled.

I giggled with her for a bit, before asking, “So, what are we doing?”

“Well, I thought maybe we’d get my mom to take us to go see a movie in town,” she said, “There’s a new one out that we have been talking about for a while.” She told me the name of it, and I recognized a movie that had sounded like a chic flick through and through.

“I guess I need to learn to like chic flicks,” I commented to her jokingly.

“Yes you do!” she said with a smile.

“So when is everyone else coming over?”

“Breanna is coming over about two-thirty, and Danielle is coming over about three,” she told me.

“So what are we doing until then?”

“You’re helping me!” she said and dragged me into the kitchen. “Here, help me chop up these vegetables.” She told me. The two of us created a tray of celery, carrots, and a few other things for tonight to snack on. After that we pushed a few things aside in the entertainment room so we’d all have space to lay out our sleeping bags later. We chatted nonstop while we prepared things.

“So what are you going to do when your dad comes in next week?” she asked.

I felt my breath catch in my throat ‘next week?’

“I don’t know. I was going to suggest we stay in Cleveland Friday and Saturday night, and Mom mentioned they want me to stay the night in the Hospital Sunday night before the surgery,” I said the last part with a quivering lip.

“It’ll be okay Taylor,” she assured me.

“I hope so,” I replied. “I’m scared of it all so much, even the thing they’re doing on Tuesday with the small cutting and camera.”

“Just think though, once it’s done, it’ll be done,” she reminded me.

“No it won’t,” I told her. “I’ll be in the hospital and unable to do anything for too long,” I told her.

She gave me a hug, “I’ll be there for you,” she told me.

“What did I do to finally get a friend like you?” I asked her with a smile.

She shrugged, “I dunno, but it must have been something really bad though, who would want me for a best friend?”

I laughed. The doorbell rang at that moment, and Breanna joined us a few moments later sprawled out in Alyssa’s room on her floor. We were looking through the latest issue of Seventeen together. “I love that hair style,” Alyssa said. I looked and was amused that it was basically mine.

“Trying to be a copycat?” I asked her teasingly.

“It does look really good on you,” Breanna told me.

I smiled, “I like yours too, and Alyssa, yours is fine. Though if you want to I bet we could get an appointment for you to get yours done.”

“Good luck with that,” Breanna said, “Alyssa has had that style for five years now, and we can’t ever get her to actually do more than talk about changing it,” she giggled.

“Really?” I asked Alyssa.

She shrugged, “I get really scared when people start actually cutting my hair… so about all I end up being able to do is get the split ends trimmed before I freak out.”

I smiled; a plan was forming in my head to thank her for everything. We were just about to taunt her some more when the doorbell rang again and we found Danielle downstairs. The four of us made sure everything was arranged downstairs for when we returned from the movie. We’d just finished when Alyssa’s mom drove up and came inside. She greeted each girl, and then asked, “So are you all going to go to a movie after all?” She asked.

“If you don’t mind taking us?” Danielle asked.

“Not at all,” she said with a smile and the four of us climbed into her SUV. Danielle had called shotgun, and I didn’t personally mind sitting in the back. I ended up sandwiched in the middle since I was the smallest of the quartet. Actually, that was a bit of an under-exaggeration. Alyssa was five-feet six inches tall and Breanna was four inches taller than her. Danielle was five-feet two inches, and I definitely was the short one compared to the three of them! Any other time in life this had been a problem, but with the three of them it didn’t seem to matter.

It took about twenty minutes to get to the movie theater we were going to, and I’m sure Alyssa’s mom was ready to get rid of us! She stayed long enough to verify the movie we were seeing and when to pick us up and, then took off, leaving us to get our tickets. The four of us walked up one at a time to the counter, and I was the second up to the counter and told them I wanted one for the show we were going to. “That’ll be six dollars,” the lady said. I wanted to die from embarrassment as I realized I was being charged the kids price.

Alyssa smirked next to me, but I just handed over the money. I was getting in for two dollars less than them and I wasn’t going to complain. The four of us walked in and I immediately was unimpressed with this particular theater. There were only four screens as it was a small theater, but I was most unnerved by how run down everything looked. “I think I’m missing Atlanta a bit right now,” I told them.

They laughed, “Yeah, this place is kind of a dump, but it’s all we have nearby.” Danielle said. We walked up to the concession area together and Alyssa teased me that I should have one of their kids combos since I got in for that price.

“Really?” Danielle asked.

I nodded and sighed, “It’s annoying, I’m almost fourteen, but everyone always thinks I’m nine or something.”

She bit her tongue a bit before saying, “I’ll be honest, when I first saw you at Alyssa’s last week I thought that you were a neighbor kid that she’d been roped into babysitting.”

I blushed, “Yeah, I could see that,” I answered.

“Are you like doomed to be short by parents?” Breanna asked.

“Not from my dad, he’s six-five,” I reminded her, “my mom’s only four-eleven though,” I said sadly. The doctors have always said I should get over five-feet, but I don’t know that I ever will.”

We ended up sharing a large tub of popcorn between all of us, and I got a small sprite to drink with it during the movie. The four of us were seated when the movie began. It was a tear-jerker in the end, and I’m embarrassed to say I was glad I had Kleenex in my purse! As the movie let out we all stopped by the bathroom and stood in a rather long line. By the time my turn came to use a stall I was almost hopping, but made it in there and was grateful to be done.

‘This isn’t going to be the same thing,’ I thought to myself as I washed my hands and thought about the changes in store for my anatomy. I was okay with being a girl, really, but the idea of this major surgery and the changes down there scared me every time I stopped to think about them.

The four of us waited for Alyssa’s mom to come pick us up outside. “That was pretty good,” I told Danielle who stood next to me in the circle we’d formed.

“Yeah it was,” she agreed.

“So what now?” Breanna asked.

“Dinner when we get back to my house?” Alyssa suggested.

“Sounds good,” Breanna said. “What are we having?”

“Mom was planning something,” Alyssa said as I recognized her mom’s car driving up.

“Hey girls, how was the movie?” She asked when we were seated in the car again.

“Good,” I found myself saying with the other girls.

Danielle added about the main star of the movie, “He was soooo hot!” I’d learned over the course of the afternoon she had a big crush on him. All of the other girls were giggling over him too on the way home, and I wondered what I had missed when watching the movie. To their credit none of the girls pushed me on saying he was hot, or even engaging in that part of the conversation. I just kind of sat quietly in between the two girls and listened.

At Alyssa’s house her mom surprised us. She had made a chicken pasta dish that was amazing! Her mom’s family heritage was Italian, and she apparently had learned from her mother and grandmother how to cook.

“I have to learn how to make this,” I told her as I took my plate up to the sink to rinse it off.

She took the plate from me before I made it to the sink though, “When you get through with everything in a few weeks I’ll teach you,” she told me quietly.

I smiled at her, “That would be fun!”

The four of us were done with dinner and sprawled about the home theater room by about seven. “What do you want to do now?” Alyssa asked everyone.

There was a long discussion for a half-hour about what to do, and the overwhelming decision somehow came to everyone putting on their pajamas, and pigtails being added to my hair. To be fair all of the girls had pigtails with bows tied to them, but I was the only one that ended up having pink with white polka dot ribbons. When I’d seen it I grimaced, “You trying to make me look like I’m the baby sister?” I glared at Alyssa who was laughing.

I got over it quickly though, and the four of us passed the evening quickly with a couple board games and a movie. About midnight Danielle asked, “Everyone should come over to my place next Friday and do this there, we could all go swimming,” she added.

Alyssa and Breanna said they were up for it, and their eyes moved to me, “I won’t be able to…” I said quietly.

“Why not?” Danielle asked.

I sighed. “My dad is flying up next weekend to be with me…”

“I thought he lived down in Atlanta?” Breanna asked.

‘Crap,’ I thought to myself. “He does… he’s coming up because I’m going to be in the hospital for surgery that Monday.”

The girls looked a little freaked out by that, “Are you okay?” Danielle asked worriedly.

“Yes, and no,” I answered. “I’m not suffering anything life threatening like cancer — that we know of,” I added that part softly, “they need to go in and work on…” I didn’t quite know if I wanted to tell them everything.

“Girl stuff?” Breanna asked.

I nodded.

“My cousin had a cyst when she was your age, is that what it is?” Breanna followed up.

I felt my eyes getting wet.

“Look, why don’t we leave this alone for the…” Alyssa started to say, but I cut her off.

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone!” I said quietly.

“We promise,” I heard Danielle and Breanna say. When they didn’t hear Alyssa say it they looked at her.

“I already know,” Alyssa said.

“Oh,” Breanna said.

“Look, I’m pretty sure there is no easy way to say this — and I’m pretty sure you’ll think I’m a freak after this,” I said, “I sure do,” I added before continuing, “but I grew up for the last thirteen years as a boy, because that’s what we thought I was.”

“Huh?” Breanna asked.

“Like a transsexual?” Danielle asked right behind her. Neither of them sounded disgusted at least…

“No, it turns out I’ve grown up thinking I was a boy but I really am a girl,” they looked puzzled still. “When I was born they did the obvious check to see if I was a boy or a girl, and I had the right looking parts, so they called me a boy. It was a little bit of a surprise to my parents and the doctors because up until the last two months or so they had believed I was a girl on all of the ultrasounds. What they saw though was what they went with.”

“But you’re a girl, right?” Breanna asked, coming to a bit of an understanding.

“I am, but somehow my body got some mix-ups in signals and I ended up with the wrong parts down there,” I said. “About six weeks ago I noticed that my breasts were not the way they should be for a boy… They were getting bigger. The day I noticed it though I had a huge fight with my step-mother, so I couldn’t talk to her about them…” I went through the rest of the tale with them.

As I finished I had tons of tears streaming down my face, “Anyway, so I have to go in for some major surgery to get things to where they should have been when I was born.”

I half-expected Danielle, Breanna, or both of them to start screaming at me, leave, or do something else rude… but the truth of the matter was that Alyssa was a very good judge in her friends. Both of them instead joined Alyssa in giving me a big hug.

“That is scary,” Breanna said.

“Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone,” Danielle said.

“Besides who would ever believe it!?!” Breanna added.

“Thanks,” I told them with a sniffle and wiped my face off with an offered Kleenex.

“So you go in on that next Monday, how about we do this again Thursday night before you go into town to meet up with your dad?” Danielle offered.

“I think I want to be with my mom that night,” I told her honestly.

She nodded, “I can completely understand that. We’ll just have to come visit you in the hospital!” she said with a smile.

I smiled back at her, “Thank you guys for not freaking out, and I would appreciate the visit,” I added.

It was about then that I noticed it was close to one in the morning already! “We should put in one last movie,” Alyssa suggested.

“Okay,” I said, “What?”

We combed through the movies there for several minutes and I couldn’t help but have my eyes drawn to Beauty and the Beast. I didn’t mention it though, I was already weird enough with everything else going on with me. Alyssa must have noticed, because she said, “Beauty and the Beast?”

“What has happened to you?” Danielle asked her.

“What do you mean?” She asked innocently.

“You normally pick something boring like Lord of the Rings to suggest right about this time of night, a Disney flick?” Breanna asked with a smile on her face.

I sighed, “I think it’s because the two of us were talking about it versus Tangled the other day.” I tried to save her.

“Ooh, I love Tangled!” Danielle said.

“Yeah, because you don’t have a five year old sister that watches it over and over and over and…” Breanna said.

“Well, that would make it less watchable,” Danielle admitted. “But, it’s still a really good movie. So Tangled versus Beauty and the Beast huh?” She asked me.

I shrugged, “Maybe it was a sign of things to come later on, but it was my favorite movie until I was like eight. I wore out several DVDs,” I blushed a little then.

“You and Danielle are going to get along way too well,” Breanna said while shaking her head. Everyone was giggling a little then. “I guess I know who to call when I don’t want to babysit and mom needs someone to watch Kaylie,” she said looking at me.

“I don’t know about that,” I told her honestly.

“I know, she’s almost as tall as you,” she laughed a bit more before hugging me, “Oh go on, let’s decide which movie is better.” She smiled.

The next hour and a half we all stayed awake and watched the movie. We ended up putting nail polish on all of our nails, and I was glad to once again have mine covered. I wished I hadn’t cleaned them off for the doctor’s appointment! When the movie was done Alyssa put in the copy of Tangled she had, and that was the last thing I remembered from the night.

 

As always I love to know what my readers are thinking, please let me know with a comment if you get a chance! Thanks for reading!

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 16: First Cuts
 
SATURDAY MORNING WE all slept in, and Alyssa and I skipped our usual morning ride. I went home about noon and helped Mom out with laundry before spending the rest of the day on the internet. I knew it was making me more nervous, but I couldn’t help but spend several hours attempting to research everything they were going to do to me. I finally killed a few more hours that day by practicing some of the new stuff that Mr. Fark had me working on.

I think Mom must have sensed my nerves had gotten the better of me Saturday, because when I got back from the group ride with Alyssa’s family, Sunday, she insisted we drive to Erie and get lunch and do some shopping. “We should get you a few bath robes and some nightgowns,” she insisted at the Kohl’s department store.

I shrugged, “Why?”

“They’ll be a whole lot better for the days after surgery, and maybe they’ll let you wear your own nightgown instead of a hospital gown,” she added.

“That might be better,” I added nervously.

We started off in the juniors and women’s intimate section, but all we could find in my size were things that were too sexy or too old woman like. I mentioned that about one of the nightgowns and mom laughed, “Well, I guess let’s see what the girls department has. I think we’re just a bit too early for the college dormwear to be in yet.” She mentioned the last part with regrets.

I soon figured out my mom had serious withdrawals from having missed me being a little girl to dress up in cute things. “I think this’ll fit,” she said, holding up a Disney Princess nightgown.

I gagged, “Mom, I do want them to treat me my age, not like I’m six…”

She laughed at me.

“Besides, the Rapunzel one looks way cuter,” I said with a giggle to the one that was next to it.

“Done!” she said and had it in her hands.

I gasped, “I was kidding!” I practically died from embarrassment.

We eventually found two others, both were Hello Kitty, and I figured they were a little bit more likely to be worn by a teenage girl. Mom found a purple fleece robe for me to add to the pile.

I was more than a little embarrassed as we checked out, and the lady checking us out said, “I miss having a little girl small enough to wear cute nightgowns like these.”

Mom smiled and paid, and meanwhile I turned a gazillion shades of red. Receipt in hand, we left to go down to JCPenney’s. The two of us shopped until late afternoon, and when all was said and done, Mom and I had bought a total of seven nightgowns and a couple pairs of slippers. We returned home just in time to eat dinner over at Alyssa’s house.

Alyssa stayed over at my house that night. When Mom showed us that my bed had a trundle underneath, Alyssa laughed hysterically that I hadn’t noticed! I poked her in retaliation when she insinuated I was really blonde!

We had a lot of fun that night, but I was distracted much of the time. I was going in for the first ‘minor’ surgery on Tuesday, and I was getting really nervous about it. Mom had explained to me over and over again that I wouldn’t feel a thing, and other than a small incision or two, there wouldn’t be any trace of it for me to see. Alyssa was great though, every time I got quiet she’d hug me or something, then tickle me or poke me into distraction. Still, Mom’s words about the surgery were my last thoughts that night, and the first in the morning.

‘Easy for her to say,’ I thought to myself over and over again during our morning ride Monday. Alyssa and I rode fifty miles that morning to see how far I could go. As we pulled back up to the driveway I felt exhausted, but really good that we’d ridden that far.

“That was fun!” I said.

“Yeah it was! Soon we’ll have you up to doing a century!” she smiled at me.

“Not anytime soon unfortunately,” I told her. “I’ll be out of any exercise beginning tomorrow and going through till August probably…”

“Whenever you’re back and healed we’ll get started again, you’ll get back up in no time!” Alyssa assured me.

“I hope so,” I said worriedly. We split off and I went upstairs to hit the shower then, and found myself throwing on a colorful skirt and top to match. I felt like I was trying to force happiness as I dressed, but I needed to do something. That led me downstairs to my horn and I practiced for what I worried would be the last time in a while.

We’d had to tell Mr. Fark that I wouldn’t be able to have another lesson for a few weeks due to surgery. The doctors had been adamant that between the horn’s weight and the abdominal pressure of playing it, that I would have to lay off practicing for a few weeks. About the time I’d be healed enough from the smaller surgery, it would be time for them to really open me up. Because of my mood I found myself playing all of my most depressing horn pieces, and Wagner horn excerpts topped the list for the next hour.

I heard the doorbell ring, and carried my horn upstairs with me. As expected Alyssa stood at the doorway, but so did Breanna and Danielle. “Hey!” They said to me and I led them back downstairs to my practice dungeon.

“That horn is soooo pretty!” Danielle said admiringly.

“Yeah!” Breanna added.

“So can you like, play something for us?” Danielle asked.

I sighed, “I might as well, I doubt I’ll be playing for a while.” I found something less depressing than I’d just been playing, but with fast sixteenth notes everywhere. When I finally looked up, Alyssa was smirking and Breanna’s and Danielle’s eyes looked like something out of an anime cartoon.

“Alyssa wasn’t kidding when she said you were amazing…” Breanna said.

“I guess I’m getting there… I’m taking lessons with the first chair of The Cleveland Orchestra now,” I smiled. Mom knew of course, but I hadn’t mentioned that to anyone other than my dad or Alyssa.

“What else can you play?” Danielle asked.

They spent ten minutes badgering me, before I decided to be cute and throw in some other things I had around. Harry Potter, Star Wars, and other pops pieces came flowing out of my horn to their amusement. “You are like so good!” Danielle told me as I pulled the horn apart and put it in my case.

“Hopefully being down for surgery for a while doesn’t hurt me too badly,” I told them.

“That’s why we’re here!” Alyssa announced.

“Huh?” I said.

“Well, you’re not going to be exactly allowed to go into a pool for a few weeks, right?” Danielle asked. Before I could respond though, she continued, “So we’re kidnapping and holding you hostage at my place so we can all go swimming!”

I just sat their flabbergasted for a moment. I’d barely met the two other girls, let alone known Alyssa for a week and it was like I was closer to them than anyone I’d ever known before. “Umm… I should probably talk to my mom first,” I said.

“Already done!” Alyssa said, holding up her phone.

“How come I feel like there’s a massive conspiracy here?” I asked half-an-hour later at Danielle’s house. The four of us were sitting around her families pool in our bikinis and chatting with iced teas in hand.

“Because there is!” Breanna answered with a grin.

We spent an afternoon together as typical teenage girls, and I was able to mostly forget about everything coming tomorrow.

When Mom arrived at seven to get me I gave each of them really big hugs on my way out the door. “Thank you, I’ve never had friends like you before.” I think they knew I meant every word of it too, but before I could get too emotional about it they chased me out to the car.

At home I began a fasting that left me cranky when Mom woke me up to take me to the hospital at the crack of dawn. I showered and threw on a pair of shorts and a tank top. Mom insisted I bring a pair of yoga pants and a loose t-shirt as well for afterwards. The doctors had promised that I should be able to go home about five or so if everything went as planned. Their thought was the less time I spent in the hospital the better, and I didn’t disagree!

So it was that I arrived at the children’s hospital for the first time. I didn’t know what to expect, but I was surprised by the décor! Bright colors, whimsical drawings, and colorful statues lifted my mood in spite of myself. I knew it was still a hospital, but I was amazed that it didn’t seem as bad as I had pictured in my mind. We found the main desk where mom checked me in. Soon I was called and led to a smaller, slightly less cheerful room where they had me put on a gown. “Hi there Taylor,” Dr. Gafford told me as she came in.

“Hi,” I told her shakily. I was terrified of all of this.

“It’ll be okay Taylor, you won’t feel or remember a thing,” she assured me.

“I believe you, but I don’t believe you, if that makes any sense,” I told her.

She laughed lightly, “It makes total sense, and I have to say you’re an amazingly brave young lady.” She paused, “Now have you eaten anything…” she asked about forty questions before saying, “Okay, I’m going to let Dr. Canter know we’re ready to get started here. Ms. Redding you may stay with Taylor until she’s out, and then I’ll need you to go to the waiting room.”

I found tears in my eyes as I gripped Mom’s had strongly. Dr. Canter came in not long after that and inserted a needle into my arm. “It’s okay Taylor,” he said reassuringly. “Now I want you to count back from 10,” he said.

“10, 9, 8...”

 
THE NEXT THING I knew, I was opening my eyes in a room with a balloon and flowers next to me, and I was holding a new teddy bear. I looked around the room a bit more and saw Mom sitting in a chair, reading something on my iPad. “Mom?” I said with my throat catching a bit.

She immediately put down the iPad next to my bed and came over to look at me. “How do you feel?”

“Thirsty,” I answered.

“Let’s get the nurse in here and we’ll see if we can’t get you something to drink.” She suggested.

I nodded and went through a check of how I felt. ‘Arms?’ I asked myself and looked at them around my new teddy bear, ‘Okay, except the band-aid I can’t see anything on them,’ I looked down at my toes and wiggled them through the blanket, ‘those still work.’ I was just getting ready to pull the blanket off to see how badly I was mangled below when the nurse walked in following Mom.

“How are you doing Taylor?” The nurse asked. I appreciated she didn’t talk to me like I was six, that was one of my worst fears about this whole thing.

“Thirsty,” I said for the second time. My throat was so dry; all I cared about was getting something to drink.

“Well, let me check you out and then we’ll get you some water,” the nurse said with a smile. She proceeded to check all of my vitals, and then gently pulled back the blanket to reveal two gauzed up areas, one on my stomach, and one lower on my groin.

It was only then that I thought to ask, “Am I okay? How did the tests come back?” I asked nervously.

“The doctor will be in to talk to you about that soon,” she assured me, “I don’t want to ruin his show,” she added with a wink. “Okay, I don’t think we need to change these bandages quite yet. Let’s get you some water, get the doctor in here, and then get you walking around.”

“I get to walk around already?” I asked, surprised.

“Keeping you chained to the bed is something we try to avoid anymore,” she told me. “Your next surgery will be a little different… but as soon as we can get you there, we want you on your feet — we want to make sure that you don’t get pneumonia or circulation problems from laying there too long.

“Oh, that makes sense,” I told her. At least I think it did, I was still pretty doped up on the drugs —I could tell that. The nurse brought me a plastic cup with a straw in it filled half-way with water. I sucked it down greedily, I was so thirsty!

It wasn’t but a few minutes later that Dr. Gafford walked in. “How are you doing Taylor?”

“I can’t really know, I can’t feel anything down there,” I told her.

She smiled, “Well, we’ve got you on the good stuff!” Dr. Gafford had me sat up in the bed, and sat down next to me. “How are you breathing and everything?” Dr. Gafford asked me a number of questions before saying, “Okay, let’s talk about what we saw in there.”

I bit my lip nervously.

“Everything looked perfectly pink and completely normal in there to us Taylor,” she said to me. “We didn’t see any signs of anything being cancerous, and I think we’re all in agreement that it looks like when the tests come back they’ll indicate that you’re a hundred percent able to have kids if you want!” She said that part with a guarded smile.

I could understand why though, what boy in their right minds would have dreamt of having a baby growing inside of them!?! Growing up as a boy would definitely have messed up my mind she figured. The funny thing is, other than the way you had to get pregnant… and delivering the baby… I didn’t feel like it would be that bad.

“Cool? I mean that’s good, right?” I replied tentatively.

“It will be cool someday,” she assured me. “We also caught a couple of other breaks as we looked through your cavity.” She paused for a second, “I’m going to get a little graphic here, but I don’t see any way not to, if you feel too uncomfortable with the conversation let me know,” I nodded for her to continue, “You did develop what we’re going to call an enlarged vagina, which basically appears to be a penis. Your bladder, uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries are all where they should be, doing what they should be doing.”

She paused for a second to check my face. “This means that surgery for you shouldn’t be nearly as bad as it is for a transsexual having a similar surgery. You already have an opening down there underneath the extra organ that will work for your vagina. We could probably just cut the extra structure away and you could have sex normally without a problem…” she looked at me and not Mom on that one, “but we don’t think you would have any sensation there if we did that. Plus, you wouldn’t look right,” she added with a smile.

“So what are you doing?”

“It looks like we’re going to be going in and performing plastic surgery to give you a normal looking vagina, like we planned, but you won’t have to deal with as long of a recovery time. Normally in a surgery like this there is a very important need for something called ‘dilation.’” I nodded, since I’d seen the term and it didn’t sound pleasant. “We’ll still leave a placeholder initially in the constructed vagina, but as soon as we’re certain your outer skin is holding its shape, you shouldn’t need to continue. That shouldn’t need to continue for more than a few weeks!” She told me with a smile.

“What about the depth and everything?” I asked and took her by surprise. I noticed her face, “Well, when you’re scared to death of surgery you kind of look up everything you can on the internet,” I admitted to answer her inquiring glance.

“You already have depth, you already have a uterus. You also already have the openings to continue through your pelvis that a boy wouldn’t have. We’re not going to have to cut through all of the muscle that normally gets cut in this kind of procedure. Really, all we have to do is take an ugly vagina and make it pretty,” she told me.

I smiled a bit, “Not that I have any experience, but it’s got to be the ugliest one known to woman kind right now.”

She laughed, “That it is.” Mom had some more questions of her own. We sat there for another ten minutes, and I was impressed the doctor was making no hurried attempts to leave.

“Okay, before I go, I want to see you up and moving about. I’ll come back by in about three hours hopefully to get you discharged so you can go home,” she added with a smile.

Dr. Gafford had the nurse come back in to help, not that she or my mom couldn’t just carry me back to the bed if I fell. I’d been informed earlier that I was down one pound from my last visit. If they hadn’t known I was fasting the night before I think they would have started checking to see if I was becoming anorexic or something. They pulled the rail down of one side of the bed and helped me stand up. It was then that I first noticed a pulling sensation that I supposed would hurt later on.

They took me for a walk down the corridor and finally back to my room to get back in bed. The gauze came off then and I was surprised not to see any stitches. “No stitches?” I asked shocked.

“We used surgical glue since the incisions were small enough,” Dr. Gafford told me.

“Will they stay closed?” I sort of freaked out.

“Trust me, they’ll definitely stay closed,” she laughed at me. “I did go to medical school after all,” she added with a smile.

She left a few moments later and the nurse put on another set of bandages over the top of the incisions. When she left Mom came and held my hand. “How are you doing?”

“The drugs must be good, because I don’t feel anything,” I told her.

“That’ll probably change in about an hour,” she told me.

I grimaced, “Does it have to?”

“Unfortunately,” she told me. I was brought something to eat for lunch, and I was surprised it wasn’t the worst thing I’d eaten before. So many horror stories over the years about hospital food had not left me with much in the way of expectations though. Plus, I was starving from going without food for so long!

“Can I call Dad?” I asked Mom after I finished eating. I felt bad that I hadn’t even thought to call him up until that point. ‘I bet he was worried,’ I thought to myself.

“Yes,” she said while digging through her purse for my phone. “I did call him and let him know you made it out of surgery though, so don’t feel bad that you didn’t call him right away,” she added.

“Dad?” I asked as he answered the phone.

“Taylor! How are you feeling?” I could hear the relief in his voice at talking to me.

“So far I’m not hurting…” I talked with him for ten minutes and then handed the phone to Mom so she could tell him about what the doctor said in detail. She’d been taking notes the whole time so she could remember everything. After ten more minutes she passed the phone back to me.

“I’m so sorry I’m not there today,” he told me, I could hear how down his voice was.

“Don’t worry Dad, you’re coming Friday, right?” I asked.

“Definitely,” he said.

“Then you’ll be here for the big one. I didn’t even get stitches on this one!” I told him.

“I know…” he said.

“I love you,” he told me.

“I love you too Daddy,” I said. It wasn’t until the word was out of my mouth that I realized I’d reverted to five-year-old terms again.

“I’ll see you on Friday. I’m guessing you’ll be kind of out of it the rest of the day, so I’ll check in with you tomorrow night,” he told me.

“Okay, bye,” I told him.

About that time though, Mom was unfortunately proven right about the pain coming. They had me walking around a bit more when I first felt the twinge of pain, and within ten minutes they were giving me Advil, which seemed to help. Dr. Gafford came by about two hours later to check on everything one more time before sending me home. She discussed how I was not to be cycling, running, or lifting heavier than a book until I saw her again.

“We’ll see you again Sunday,” she said with a smile.

“I’m not looking forward to it,” I told her honestly.

“I know dear, but it’s something that we need to take care of before you start having periods,” she reminded me.

‘Periods,’ I thought to myself. Mom and I had a discussion last night about them, and I shuddered to think about them. Mom had assured me that after the first few I wouldn’t think of them as that big of a deal, but she didn’t seem to understand that I didn’t have a whole life of thinking about being a girl before that one was going to hit me like a semi-truck!

I was somewhat alert as the nurse wheeled me downstairs and met Mom at a door to pick me up. She’d gone ahead to get the car, and then helped me climb into the seat. I buckled up, and promptly fell asleep on the drive home.

 

Comments are always appreciated so I can know what my audience is thinking! Thanks for reading!

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 17: Reunions
 
THAT NIGHT I walked around a bit at mom’s insistence when we arrived back home, but quickly settled onto a couch and ate the grilled cheese and soup she made for me. My night was filled watching movies I didn’t remember later, and Wednesday came before I knew it. Alyssa came over that morning after her ride, and I woke up to find her sitting next to me on the couch.

“So you’re not allowed to do much of anything right now, are you?” she asked.

I shook my head. “I can walk around, but no cycling, running, or anything fun basically for six to eight weeks.” I frowned at that.

“What did they find yesterday?”

“Didn’t I tell you?” I asked.

“No, you just texted me telling me you were okay,” she told me.

“Oops, sorry,” I apologized. “Honestly I don’t even remember texting you.”

“Don’t apologize silly, you’d just had surgery. I didn’t expect you to come over and hang out and tell me all the details.” She smiled at me.

“Good, because I barely remember last night. The anesthesia messed up my brain all day. I was a zombie the rest of the day,” I told her. “Well, I guess it was good news, I guess,” I told her.

“Like?”

“Do you really want to know?” I asked.

She nodded tentatively, “You’re my best friend Taylor, of course I do.”

“Well they found…” I stopped for a second, “wait a minute. Best friend?” I asked. “Isn’t that like Danielle or Breanna or someone?”

“Maybe Danielle used to be, but I’ve not been hanging out with her as much as I used to. And you’re definitely a far closer friend than either of them already,” she told me with a smile. “Besides, it helps that you live next door!”

I smiled back at her, “Thanks,” I said.

“Anyway, on with the story!” She told me.

I spent about ten minutes giving her the gory details and was a little disappointed that I was probably more unnerved by the details than she was. Maybe it was just because it was my body and not hers…

“So the surgery isn’t going to be as bad?” she asked.

I shook my head, “It’s still going to be bad… but yeah, I guess not as bad.”

“You’ll get through it Taylor!” she told me.

“I hope so,” I told her worriedly. “Yesterday wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but it still wasn’t fun.”

She gave me a hug and said, “So what are you going to do all day, just stay in your pajamas?”

I gave her a funny look. “I’m not allowed to take a shower for another day, so I don’t really know.” I told her.

“Eew, that is kind of bad, isn’t it?” She said before telling me, “You don’t smell though.”

“I hope not. Anyway, I don’t know what to do at this point.” Since she had pointed out the fact I was still in my pajamas I realized my hair was a mess too and ran my hand up to the ponytail that was falling out. Now I felt scruffy too.

“Is your hairbrush upstairs?” She asked me.

I stared at her for a moment and nodded, “On my dressing table.”

“Be right back,” she told me with a smile. Alyssa had a handful of things in her hand when she came down, “Turn towards that way, and scoot over!”

I laughed, “Okay.”

Alyssa brushed my hair through and at the end I could tell she had it pretty much in my normal new style. There were a couple of additions on the top of my head that I had to assume were barrettes or clips or something. “Do you want to get dressed into some yoga pants or something?” she suggested.

I sighed. “I guess,” I told her. She offered to get them for me, but I turned her down. “I can do stairs still until next week,” I said with a grimace though as I was going up the stairs and the movement pulled on the skin a little bit. “I think when I get home next they don’t want me climbing stairs for a while.”

“How are you going to manage in this house?” She asked worriedly as we approached my door.

“Well, Mom can probably carry me, especially if I keep losing weight,” I told her.

“Losing weight?” She asked, concerned. “How much do you weigh?”

“Well, the first visit to the doctor I was at sixty-three pounds, yesterday I was at sixty-two. A couple months ago I was at sixty-five when we went in. I guess it could just be the differences in scales though.”

“Can I try something?” Alyssa asked timidly.

“What?”

“I’m curious to see if I can pick you up.” She said smiling.

“Just be careful with me,” I sighed at her. Sure enough she grabbed me like I remembered mom picking me up as a toddler, and could hold me on her side hip. “This is so embarrassing,” I told her.

“Piggy-back rides better?” She asked teasingly as she sat me down.

“Much better,” I told her with my tongue sticking out.

She and I found a pair of yoga pants that I carefully put on, along with a yellow camisole and headed back downstairs. I did feel better after getting dressed and having my hair done halfway normal. That was probably my first lesson that my appearance could affect my mood and recovery. We were talking to each other when Mom showed back up from a quick run she’d had to make to the office that morning.

“Hi Alyssa,” she said to her, before asking, “How are you feeling Taylor?”

I shrugged, “Okay I guess.”

After she gave me a hug she made lunch for the three of us. At her suggestion Alyssa and I ended up walking down to the park we’d been running around. There was a swing set in a playground there that I found myself plopped down in next to Alyssa. “So what are you doing the rest of this week?” she asked me.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Tomorrow will probably be the same as today I guess, and then Friday we’re going to drive into Cleveland to meet my dad.”

“Is Rachel coming?” She asked.

“I don’t actually know. I keep thinking about asking, but at the same time I don’t want to be the cause of any more problems. I hope not…” I ended while looking down at my feet.

I wanted to pump my legs and actually swing, but could already feel pulling from the incision. ‘You look like a nine-year old,’ I screamed inwardly.

“I can understand that,” Alyssa told me.

“You’re about the only one that seems to understand anything about me,” I told her with a smile. “We should probably get back soon,” I told her.

“What, you don’t want me to push you so you?” She teased me as we stood up.

“You’re making me laugh so hard I’m getting stitches in my side,” I told her in a deadpan voice.

“I hadn’t thought about that,” she admitted.

I smiled at her, “I know. That’s what I appreciate about having you as a friend. You’re far sillier than me,” I told her.

It was getting close to dinnertime when I came home again and I remembered that it was in fact the Fourth of July. Mom seemed relieved to have me back in the house, but offered to take me to watch the fireworks that night. I wasn’t really feeling up to it though, so the two of us ended up having another movie night, this time with the Princess Diaries and its’ sequel.

I enjoyed both of the movies and thought they were cute. I cringed in a few spots because I related way too well. The media circus she dealt with was something I’d actually walked through before, and it wasn’t ever fun in my experience. Her transformation though was by far the thing that sent goosebumps up my spine. I felt so much like her that first time I’d been dressed up that I almost cried at the end of that movie when she and the guy got together.

 
THURSDAY PASSED MUCH the same as Wednesday, except I ended up at Alyssa’s house for most of the day. I noticed that my fingernails had gotten a bit banged up in the last few days, and came to an idea about lunchtime. I quietly called my mom and talk to her about it. It all seemed like an especially good plan when I learned Rachel was flying in with Dad tomorrow. He had booked two hotel rooms for Mom and me to stay downtown at the Ritz with them. Mom was planning on giving them some alone time with me though, mainly because even after all of these years she and my dad still felt awkward towards each other.

Or something like that.

Mom and I were able to work out my plan of getting Alyssa to go in with us Friday and her parents would pick her up Sunday after I was dropped off at the hospital. We took care of the details with her parents without asking Alyssa first. I wanted to meet Rachel looking like I was gorgeous so she couldn’t say anything nasty. Their flight was supposed to be in about four or so, so we figured we’d check into the hotel, get dinner and then go see a musical that was running at Playhouse Square. It was going to be a great opportunity to finally wear the more formal looking dress that Mom and I had found last week!

Alyssa came over in the morning, expecting to say goodbye to me until I could have visitors on Tuesday. What she didn’t expect was ten minutes later her mother came over with a garment bag over her shoulder, and a small duffle packed for her. “What’s this about?” she asked.

“Well… I figure if I have to deal with my wicked witch step-mother it might be nice to have my best friend with me…” I gave her a look with my eyes and pouted. “And,” I said with emphasis, “I know for a fact that my best friend would love to have her nails and hair done…”

She smiled and hugged me. “That sounds like fun!”

“The wicked step-mother part?” I asked.

Her mom giggled behind her. “Be nice Taylor,” she told me not so sternly. I think she’d heard parts of the story from Alyssa, probably mom, and I over the last couple weeks. That began a great morning and afternoon with my best friend. I think Mom was relieved that instead of having to reassure a terrified me all night, she instead had to contend with almost constant giggling and other silliness.

We had to get up the following morning too early, but I was happy to be able to luxuriate for a bit in the shower! After having to skip a day earlier in the week I was counting down for surgery, not in days, but in the number of showers I could take! We were soon in the car though and headed toward the big city.

The morning started officially with another appointment with Dr. Jacobson though at ten. We had talked, and I got the impression she was not only curious about me professionally, but personally interested to see how I was doing. As we wrapped up I asked her, “So do I seem normal—ish at this point?”

She shook her head, “There’s no such thing as normal Taylor,” she smiled at me, “but I think you’re about as close as they get once this is all figured out. It helps that you’re accepting of these changes, if you weren’t this would be a whole other ball game,” she told me. I just nodded and was grateful to get out of there. Dr. Jacobson scheduled a time to come in and see me in the hospital on Wednesday to make sure I was coping well enough. I asked her why not on Tuesday, but she had given me a polite, “You’re going to be too out of it to be worth talking to,” with a smile.

Mom had managed to get all three of us into the same salon as before for back massages, hair, nails, and facials right after lunch. My hair wasn’t so much getting cut, as it was being put into an elegant evening style. The stylist convinced Alyssa to finally get a new hairstyle, and then also had her hair put up elegantly. Mom’s was a bit more understated, but when the three of us walked out of there that afternoon we all felt like a million bucks. We left the salon and checked into the hotel to wait for Dad and Rachel to get there in their rented car.

My makeup and hair was done already, but I was excited to see the finished product! I’d tried on this dress once in Dillard’s because when I saw it, it had just called to me… I had no occasion to wear it, but it was pretty! It had what I had since learned was called an empire waistline that seemed to emphasize my growing breasts. The dress had spaghetti straps and was a gorgeous light blue that mom called ‘periwinkle blue’ and had a mesh overlay that had silver beads on it. I was afraid I would never have had a chance to wear it!

After I pulled it on in the bathroom I walked out to the main room. “Mommy can you tie the bow for me?” I asked her with a smile. That was one of the thing that most endeared me to the dress for some reason. It looked like a grownup dress due to the length coming a bit over an inch above my knee, and the bust line, but it had a bow to be tied in back.

She tied the bow in back for me, and I stood with her looking over the top of me at a mirror as Alyssa jumped into the bathroom to put her own dress on. I loved how the two little rose-like bows sewn into lower bodice followed the seam just below my breasts to tie in back. With my hair and the beautiful dress, I looked just like a princess!

Alyssa came out a moment later and I was instantly slightly jealous of her dress. It looked pretty too, but hers was in purple and was more of a sheath style without any sort of flaring at the skirt. It had spaghetti straps too, with a similar rose sewn style in the top of it around her bust. The more I looked at it I knew I’d have to fight not to play with them all night if I was wearing it! There were a few little sparkly fake jewels sewn in at the top within the rosette detailing, and she looked every bit as much of a princess as I did.

We laughed and giggled together about how pretty we both were as mom changed. She came out in a simple yet elegant black evening gown. I hadn’t seen her so dressed up since I was a pre-schooler, and I was amazed at how pretty she was. She wore heels that I didn’t know how she could walk in, but I knew she did it on a regular basis to bring her height up closer inline to her colleagues and clients. Mom insisted on pictures of all of us, and we ended up going downstairs briefly to the lobby where we had a hotel employee take some pictures of the three of us in the lobby.

We returned to our room, and had been sitting for about fifteen minutes when about five o’clock we heard a knock on the door. I looked through the peephole at Dad, dressed in a suit and tie, and opened the door.

His jaw dropped and I watched him take a second glance at me before he gave me a gigantic hug and picked me up in the air. “You look gorgeous sweetie!” he told me. I smiled and looked at his admiring expression. He gave me another hug and said softly, “It’s so good to see you,” and he paused, “and it’s so good to see you smiling like that.”

I thought for a second and had to admit that I hadn’t smiled like I was now for years. As he then greeted my mother politely I introduced him to Alyssa, “Dad, this is Alyssa, my best friend!” I told him.

“Pleased to meet you!” Alyssa said politely, and I giggled a bit at her face. My dad was just as large as I’d ever described to her, and the idea that he was handsome had never really been something I’d thought about while being raised as a boy. The truth was he was a hunk by girls’ standards, and I figured I’d have to give her a hard time later for drooling over him!

“Well I just thought I’d stop and let you know we’re here. Rachel is getting dressed, and as soon as she’s ready we’ll go get dinner?” He suggested.

I nodded and stayed close to him. I’d missed him so much! It took a lot of effort to avoid crying and ruining the makeup that the ladies had put on me this afternoon. It was waterproof, but I figured the waterworks still weren’t a good idea.

“Okay,” Mom said as she had a seat in the elegant chair in the room. “Would you like to sit down while we wait?”

I sat down next to dad on a small love seat that sat across from the chair mom sat in. Alyssa sat in an identical chair across from me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and I felt much better being close to him again. I felt bad for Mom though, I hoped she wasn’t going to be hurt by my paying attention to him…

“So how are you feeling?” He asked me.

“Mostly okay I guess.” I told him in reply. “How was your flight?”

“Less eventful than your last one, thankfully!” he told me teasingly. “Slept most of the way actually.”

We made small talk between all of us, including Alyssa and Mom before the door knocked again. Mom went to open it this time, and I was grateful for that. “Okay, I’m ready,” Rachel announced as she came in. I stood up to be polite and greet her. She was wearing a tan dress that had one shoulder, and I could tell she’d spent a bundle on the dress. Her eyes gazed up and down me and I wondered if I should have installed some cat claws in my fingers instead of the pretty fingernails that matched my dress.

“You look pretty Taylor,” she said coolly. The ice in her voice was present though, and neither of us made a move to give the other a fake hug.

“Thank you Rachel,” I said, without giving her a return compliment.

Dad sensed a return of hostilities coming and cleared his throat, “Shall we go eat?”

“Sounds great!” Alyssa said.

I moved close to Dad in the elevator, and he offered his hand to me as we stepped out. I took it and walked closely to him, knowing that like normal I must have looked like I really was a little kid standing so close to him. Alyssa walked next to me, and Mom next to her. I noticed that Rachel wrapped her arm around my dad’s other arm. No doubt she was making her ownership of my dad clear to Mom. ‘That’s okay, I’m the one who really owns him,’ I thought smugly to myself.

“Good evening Mr. Landt,” the doorman said as we walked outside. “We have a limo for you as you requested.”

I looked up at Dad; he didn’t normally do things like that, “Why?” I asked.

“Not much more expensive than a cab, and we can fit five people in it much easier,” he told me with a smile. “Besides, a princess like you deserves a limo,” he told me so only I could hear. I ended up sitting between him and the wall, with Alyssa and mom sitting along a side to the left of me. It didn’t take long to get to the restaurant the hotel recommended. The sign outside indicated that it specialized in Portuguese food.

“We have reservations for Landt,” my dad said as stepped inside. I had taken Rachel’s lead and hooked my arm through his, and felt a little bad briefly for abandoning Alyssa and Mom. I was so excited to see him though and the fact he was actually treating me like his daughter and not a freak… well, I felt starved for his attention I guess.

“Of course, follow me right this way,” the well-dressed gentleman said as he led us to a large table. He offered us all menus and as soon as he stepped away another waiter was there to take our drink order.

“And you, young miss?” The waiter asked me. I noticed Rachel noticeably stiffen at that.

“Iced tea, please,” I said politely and smiled at him.

“So Alyssa, Taylor tells me that you’ve gotten her more into cycling?” my dad asked her. I appreciated the fact that he took the time to talk to her.

“My parents have been into it for a long time,” she started and the conversation about her and her family’s cycling activities lasted through a couple of appetizers that we shared around the table. At one point she exclaimed, “I’m so jealous of Taylor’s bike,” to which Dad just smiled.

Rachel and mom seemed to be having a mostly civil conversation. I couldn’t help but notice it seemed like Rachel would occasionally throw in some backhanded barb at my mom, but Mom just swept it right off and ignored it. ‘I’ve never had that ability,’ I thought sadly.

Throughout dinner I enjoyed being with Dad again. He and I made small talk together and with the rest of the table. The only person who didn’t seem to enjoy the evening was Rachel. She made it a point to talk to me as little as she could. I enjoyed my tilapia dish that evening a lot, and the five of us ended up splitting two desserts. Well, I should say Dad and I, and Mom and Alyssa split two desserts. My step-mom was sitting there acting like she was above everything and anything.

Alyssa and I made our way to the restroom after dessert while we waited for dad to have his credit card returned to him. “You weren’t lying,” she told me softly as we checked our makeup.

“Huh?”

“She is a bitch…” she said. She was about to say something else but we both jumped as the door to the bathroom opened and the devil herself came in. She gave me a look that screamed ‘freak,’ but didn’t say anything to me. I gave her a weak smile back though, trying to be civilized, before Alyssa and I walked back to the table.

“What’s wrong?” Dad asked.

“Oh, nothing,” I lied to him. “I was just thinking I shouldn’t have eaten so much.”

He laughed, “Well, it was good though?”

“Yes it was,” I told him with a smile.

He put his arm around my shoulder. “So this musical is supposed to be good?” he asked Mom.

“It’s had pretty good reviews, the good thing is that Cleveland tends to get some good shows through Playhouse Square,” she added.

“I hope they use a live orchestra,” I said aloud.

“Why wouldn’t they?” Alyssa asked. As a fellow horn player, I couldn’t believe Alyssa was so in the dark on things like!

“It’s too expensive to hire the musicians night after night, so a lot of productions are using fewer players, rock pit type setups, or going to all synthesized or recorded music. I guess with the right speakers it would be hard to tell… but there is a big difference,” I said with a smile.

“Have you ever played in one?” Alyssa asked curiously.

I turned red, “A few,” I nodded.

“A few?” She asked.

“The local theater in Atlanta called Taylor to come play horn for their productions about ten times in the last year,” my dad answered for me.

“I am so jealous,” Alyssa said with a smile.

Rachel chose that moment to turn up and we all went back outside where the limo waited for us. It was a quick jaunt over to the theater where we took our box seats and enjoyed the show. I was pleased because they did use a live orchestra. Maybe I was just becoming too picky, but there were a few parts where I noticed the low brass were really out of tune…

I spent the evening with Dad on my left, Rachel on his far side, Alyssa next to me, and Mom on the other side. I would like to have had Mom next to me, but I didn’t want Alyssa to feel left out, so I had Mom help arrange things that way. During intermission I caught more glares from Rachel, and I really didn’t know what to do. The way she stared at me just made me want to cry. I did my best to ignore her though…

Back at the hotel after the show Dad said, “Would you like to stay with us in our room?”

Rachel had already gone into their room so I said, “Look Daddy,” I sighed, “I think me being in the same room with Rachel is not a good idea…”

“I know, she hasn’t stopped giving you dirty looks all night,” he sighed back.

“I’m really sorry Daddy, I don’t want to cause problems between…”

He held up a finger to me, “It’s not you causing the problems Taylor. Even if you were transgendered, instead of a biological girl, it wouldn’t be okay for her to treat you like that.” He was angry.

I hugged him, “I love you so much,” and felt tears coming down my eyes, “I’m sorry though, there’s no way I can live with you with her there,” I told him honestly.

“Well, if she doesn’t start helping things that might not be a problem,” he said darkly to me. “Why don’t you go ahead and go to bed in your room tonight, and the maybe you can sleep in our room tomorrow night?”

“What about Alyssa?” I asked.

“She can stay over too,” he said. “Are you two sharing a bed?” he asked concerned all of the sudden.

“Dad! We’re both girls, and that’s like disgusting!” I told him quietly but insistently.

He laughed, “You’re right Taylor, this is going to take some getting used to,” he said as he hugged me and then kissed my forehead, something he’d never done as long as I remembered.

“I love you Daddy,” I told him, and then stepped into our room.

Alyssa was already out of her dress and dressed in pajamas, and I quickly switched clothes too. “What are we doing tomorrow?” She asked.

I shrugged, “I’m not sure.”

“Your Dad was talking about a few things,” Mom said when she came out of the bathroom immediately after that.

“Like what?” I asked.

“Well, he mentioned going to the zoo,” she said.

“That might be kind of nice considering I’m going to be bedridden for so long,” I told her with a smile.

“It’s a great zoo too, have you ever been?” Alyssa asked.

I shook my head, “Not to this one,” I told her.

Mom forced us to go to bed and stop talking about twenty minutes later, but I was already dreaming of a day at the zoo, and maybe some shopping later on. It would be something different to do. Alyssa said the only other thing she could think of doing was going to Cedar Point, but I wasn’t really that big of a fan of roller coasters. She just rolled her eyes at me on that.

 

As always I hope you all are enjoying this book, please let me know what you're thinking! Thanks for reading!

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 18: Preludes
 
THE NEXT MORNING Mom woke me up and I dressed in a pair of short khaki shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top. I’d thought about wearing a sundress, but Alyssa was wearing shorts and it seemed like a better idea for a day that I didn’t know what our plans were for certain.

“Are you about ready?” Mom asked from behind me as I was using a mirror in the main room to do my makeup. It was kind of dark so it was taking me even longer than normal.

I glanced up again at my face, and replied, “I think so,” as I closed the lip gloss that I’d just put on.

“Alyssa?” Mom asked, knowing she was already.

“Yep!” she said cheerily.

“Well let’s go downstairs and meet Jake and Rachel,” she said.

Alyssa and I grabbed our purses, and Mom grabbed an additional tote that she’d brought along that was loaded with sunscreen and water. Dad was already sitting at a table in the hotel restaurant, sipping on a cup of coffee. “Morning!” He said to me and gave me a big hug. He greeted Mom and Alyssa too, while Rachel just smiled and said something that seemed to approximate a ‘hello.’

The five of us ordered breakfast and participated in some idle chit-chat. I decided to ask the question I was dying to know the answer to, “Daddy, what are we doing today?”

I watched him smile, calling him Daddy was something I hadn’t done for about three years — it just wasn’t cool as a boy. As a teenage girl though, it felt comfortable, and I knew I could do it in front of friends even without problems. Alyssa even called her mom ‘mommy’ frequently around me. Usually it was when she wanted something though… I smiled as I realized that.

“Well, I know you like animals… and won’t be able to walk around much for a week or so… so how about going to the zoo?” He suggested.

I smiled, “That sounds like fun!”

“I think so too,” he said with a smile.

“Honey, I think I’m going to stick around here today and maybe go do some shopping around some shops today. If you don’t mind, I’d like to take a pass at the zoo,” Rachel said.

Inwardly I was jumping up and down saying, ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you!’

Dad frowned a bit, “I thought we came up to see Taylor though, he… I mean she…” he was flustered for a second.

I smiled at him, “Trust me, I understand, I get just as confused!”

He smiled at me sadly, he felt bad. “She isn’t living around anymore, and it would be nice for you to spend some time with her.”

“Dad, it’s okay,” I said, “I can completely understand Rachel wanting to go shopping!”

“Would you rather…?” He started.

“No, I’d like to go to the zoo, it sounds like fun!” I assured him. “But, I can understand if Rachel just wants to do some shopping today.” I added.

Rachel gave me a fake smile, “I’ll meet up with you guys for dinner tonight?” She suggested.

“Sounds good!” I told her.

Dad looked at me a little bit weird, looked at my mom, and shrugged, “Whatever floats your boat sweetheart.”

We finished eating our food and went out to pick-up Mom’s car from the valet. We were leaving Dad’s rental car with Rachel so she could go shopping, ‘That was the best break I’ve caught in months!’ I thought to myself. I hadn’t been looking forward to spending time with her! Dad climbed into the front passenger seat and I saw Alyssa giggle a bit as she watched him have to duck his head to sit in the seat. At least he’d been smart enough to push the seat back before he sat down. Given that I was its last occupant, there was no way he was going to fit otherwise!

“So Alyssa, have you been to the zoo here before?” Dad asked her.

“A lot of times… Mom and Dad like to come about once a year as a family thing, and we used to come for school once a year or so,” she added.

We asked her for some details about the park since none of us had been there before, and I think Alyssa enjoyed the attention. She and Dad seemed to be hitting it off pretty well; I think he thought she was a good friend for me. ‘Given she’s the only real friend I’ve ever really had…’ I thought to myself, ‘he’s probably just ecstatic I have a friend!’

We drove about twenty minutes from the downtown area to the zoo. It was nestled against one of the freeways and I could see a bridge standing in the distance beyond the park gates as we climbed out of the car. “Okay girls, sunscreen!” Mom said, being motherly.

I was slightly annoyed, but smiled anyway. “Okay,” and began putting it on my arms and legs.

“Your makeup works as a sunscreen, so we don’t have to do your face” Mom told me quietly. She was rubbing it on my back while I held my hair up.

“Really?” I asked.

“It’ll work pretty well. We may need to put some on later, but it should be okay,” she told me.

“Cool,” I said.

The four of us walked up to the entrance and I thought for a moment that we looked like a normal family going to the zoo… except my parents were divorced, and one of the girls wasn’t a member of the family. “Four please,” Dad told the lady at the booth. She looked up at us and told him what he owed.

“She charged for one kid’s ticket, didn’t she,” Alyssa said with a giggle as we entered.

I sighed, “Of course!”

Mom laughed at me, “It’s a good thing Taylor, just think about when everyone else is being thought of as forty, you’ll always be ten years younger.” I looked up at her, which wasn’t that hard since she only had four inches on me.

“I guess you know all about that?” I asked her.

“I still get mistaken for being in my twenties sometimes,” she smiled. “Come on, where are we going first?” She asked me as Dad rejoined us from the ticket booth.

I opened up the visitor’s map the ticket booth lady had given us and began looking to see where would be the best start. I finally looked at Alyssa, “Which way is more fun to go first?”

“We usually go this way and start with the monkeys and giraffes, before going back to the bears and wolves and coming back on the loop,” she suggested with a smile. I think she was looking forward to it too.

I shrugged, “That works for me,” I said and looked at my mom who nodded. I walked next to Dad with Alyssa on my left as we strolled between the different animal cages and exhibits.

It was a fun walk through the exhibits, with Dad spending time talking pretty much exclusively to Alyssa and myself. Mom walked with us, and talked with the two of us, but neither Dad, nor Mom, really engaged the other in conversation as we walked along. I could only imagine the awkwardness that both of them must have felt about the whole day. They might have had it a bit easier with Rachel present, or Mom staying back or something. The giraffes and zebras were cool, but I really was looking forward most to seeing the tigers back in the back of the zoo. It took us about thirty minutes of slowly walking to get back there, and we arrived to a huge crowd in front of the cage with the Siberian Tigers.

“What’s going on?” I asked Dad, seeing no way to push my way through the crowd.

He smiled, “They have two babies out there playing with each other,” he said. Without warning I felt his arms grab me, and he put me up on his shoulders like a little kid.

“Cute!” I said as I could suddenly see as well as him over the crowds.

I watched Alyssa manage to snake her way towards the front, while I stayed in my comfortable position on top of Dad for a few minutes to watch. The tiger cubs were cute and jumping around chasing each other. The adult tigers just lazily watched the two of them, and the scene amused me for several long moments. Given our size difference, and how light I was, it was nothing to Dad to keep me up there. “You can put me down now,” I said to him.

He laughed, “Okay,” but not before I noticed Alyssa and Mom both had their phones out to take a picture of the two of us like that.

As he put me down I stuck my tongue out at both of them. It backfired though, as a strand of hair had gotten loose from my head and I could taste it on my tongue. Mom and Alyssa just howled with laughter at me as I pulled it out of my mouth. “Humph!” I said.

The four of us walked down the sidewalk through the zoo until about noon when we neared the park exit. “Can we go by the gift store?” I asked as we passed it.

“Sure,” Dad said with a smile.

There was a white stuffed tiger that I couldn’t take my eyes off as soon as we entered. She was cute, and more importantly large and fluffy! As I stroked the soft fur I felt dad put his hand on my shoulder, “Do you want it?”

I nodded and smiled, “Please?”

“Okay,” he said. A couple pairs of earrings and a wooden toggle necklace got added to the pile, along with matching shirts for Alyssa and me.

“What now?” He asked.

“I don’t know…” I said, turning to Alyssa as we walked through the parking lot towards the car, “What else is there to do in Cleveland?”

Alyssa laughed, “Well, we could go to the science museum, or The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,” she said. “Honestly the second one’s kind of boring, the first one’s fun.” She bit her lip for a moment, “I suppose we could go to the art museum, but you went there already,” she said.

“We didn’t stay long there,” I told her.

“The first two she mentioned are next door to each other,” Mom said, “We could go do both of those and see what to do after that?”

I shrugged, “What do you think Dad?” I asked.

“As long as I’m spending time with you, I don’t care Taylor,” he said.

I smiled, “same here,” I told him. I noticed a sad look in Mom’s eyes and felt bad. I just didn’t know of any way to make this situation less awkward for her… I heard his stomach grumble, “Lunch first though?”

He smiled, “That sounds like a plan!”

We located a deli Mom had heard of, where each of us ordered a sandwich that was filled with meats, and tasted incredible. The science museum was right next to the pyramid looking Rock and Roll Hall of Fame next door. We decided on Alyssa’s advice to go into the science center first.

“Dad, don’t get lost in here!” I told him with a smile. I don’t think Alyssa expected a professional football player to be as much of a nerd as my dad was that day. There were times when we were looking at an experiment or a display and he explained what was going on better than the diagram on the front of the exhibit. We had a lot of fun exploring all of the different parts and pieces that were present in the large museum. Our museum experience concluded in an IMAX film, when we noticed that it was already getting close to four in the afternoon.

“Do you want to go to the Rock and Roll Museum too?” Dad asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, “If Alyssa says it isn’t that great, it’s probably not.” I bit my lip for thinking what I was about to say, “Should we maybe call Rachel and see if she wants to meet us for dinner somewhere?”

Dad gave me a look that made me think he was of the belief that was going to be painful too. He sighed, “We probably should, but it’s been such a quiet day though without her…” he said, as if we weren’t there. He pulled his iPhone out of his pocket and called her, while Mom and I talked with Alyssa about what we wanted to do for dinner.

“Have you guys ever done one of the Brazilian Steakhouses?” Alyssa suggested.

“Huh?” I said.

“Well the three of us, and Rachel, probably won’t be able to eat that much, but if you like meat — and I’m guessing your dad does,” she said looking at him talking on the phone, “he’d probably love this place I’m thinking of.”

“That could be fun, and he would like that. What else is there?”

“Well, there are a couple more steakhouses, Hard Rock Café at the mall,” she thought for a moment, “I think that’s it down here.”

I noticed Dad was getting off of the phone and rejoining us, “She says she’ll meet us wherever, just get her directions — nothing too fancy she suggested so she doesn’t have to change.”

“And the three of us wouldn’t have to?” I asked slightly annoyed. “Alyssa said there’s a Hard Rock Café at the mall,” I told him. “Everything else she named sounds more upscale.” I watched Alyssa nod next to me.

“That sounds alright to me,” Dad said, “then maybe you can get some of your need to shop out of the way?” He said jokingly.

“Might as well, while I have your wallet here,” I fired back and made Alyssa giggle. As we walked towards the car and he pulled his phone out. With the downtown parking situation we decided it might be easier just to go park back at the hotel and then take a taxi over there. We weren’t sure what Rachel was doing, but I got the feeling Dad cared nearly as little as I did. ‘I really wish he would leave her…’ I thought. That thought actually startled me since I had been pretty much placing the blame for our problems on myself the whole time, not on her.

About a half-hour later we were in line for a table with a pager in hand for dinner. “Have you heard anything from Rachel?” Mom asked my dad.

“She just texted me, she said she should be here in a few minutes,” he told her. “How long of a wait did they say?”

“Probably another fifteen minutes,” Mom told him.

The four of us sat outside the restaurant staring down at the lower levels and people watching. I pulled out my iPhone and spent some time looking online at a couple of sites I followed while talking to Alyssa, “Thanks for hanging out with us,” I told her.

“Of course Taylor!” She told me with a smile. “Your family really is great, and it’s just nice to hang out with you.”

I gave her a friendly hug and looked up in time to see Rachel walking over. “Hi,” she said tersely to us all as the pager in Mom’s hand started flashing and buzzing.

“Hi Dear,” Dad told her and moved to hold her hand. Something in their body language just didn’t say loving couple though.

Mom handed the hostess our pager who said, “Please follow Joe here,” and had a waiter lead us through the memorabilia covered walls.

“Here you go,” he told us, “Mark will be your waiter, and will be with you shortly.”

“Thanks,” Mom told him with a smile.

I looked through the menu and wasn’t sure that I was hungry enough to eat a full plate. “Alyssa, you want to split something?” I suggested.

She looked up from the menu and smiled, “I was kind of thinking about that idea too,” she said. “What sounds good?”

The two of us talked back and forth before deciding on a pasta dish. When our order was in I just about choked on my water when Rachel actually spoke to me, “So Taylor, what did you guys think of the zoo?”

Her voice was hesitant, and I wasn’t sure she was being genuine, but in the interests of peace, “It was fun,” I started, “there were a lot of neat animals,” I continued on for about five minutes without realizing how excited I must have sounded. Alyssa and Dad put a few words in here and there, but I continued to mainly tell the story.

“I’m sorry I missed it,” she said almost genuinely.

I just nodded. ‘She’s trying, but I don’t think she’s being honest,’ I thought to myself. Thankfully the food came about that time and we were able to absorb ourselves in our meal. All of us passed on dessert, and I found us all walking out into the mall area beyond again.

“Do you want to go see another movie or something?” Dad asked.

I shrugged and looked at Mom and Alyssa. They had the same shrug and nod look on their own faces, “Sure?” I suggested.

“Let’s go see what’s playing then,” he said. The five of us walked down an escalator to the mall’s movie theater. All the while I was amazed at all the pretty fountains and marble that made the mall unique in my experience. We walked through the mall food court and back to the box office area for the movie theater.

“What sounds good?” Dad asked with an arm wrapped around my right shoulder.

I stared at the board and found myself saying “Oooh!” simultaneously with Alyssa next to me. I looked at her and we both started giggling.

“You two may be spending too much time together,” my mom said while laughing a bit herself. I swear I even saw Rachel crack a smile next to Dad.

“So what are we watching?” Dad asked. I felt like I must have had him wrapped around my finger or something!

“That new Pixar movie!” I said, pointing to the poster.

“I heard that it’s good,” Rachel said on the other side of him. I found myself surprised to hear five words from her.

We walked up to the ticket booth and Dad bought the tickets. Everyone bought a drink at the snack bar, and we went inside to our theater. “Well, it’s not as nice as some of the other theaters in town,” Mom said aloud as we sat down. Rachel was once again on the far side of Dad, I sat to the inside of him with Alyssa next to me, and Mom on the other side of her.

“No, I like some of the other theaters a lot better,” Alyssa agreed.

“At least it was like right here…” I commented.

“True,” Alyssa said.

Dad put his arm around me. The armrest hadn’t been down when we sat down, and without it in the way I found myself fairly comfortable. “I’ve missed you,” I whispered just loud enough to be over the movie previews.

He squeezed his grip over my shoulder, “I’ve missed you too,” he added.

The movie began not long after we sat down. It was really entertaining, and left us all feeling happy and in a good mood as we left. I glanced at my iPhone and saw that it was closing on ten already. “Dessert?” was suggested by Dad as we walked out.

“Where?” I asked.

We found a Taxi that took us to a nearby restaurant that did dessert. I didn’t feel like I could turn it down with the surgery coming up. Mom seemed to notice my slightly increased appetite, “Taylor, they will feed you in the hospital sweetheart.”

I sighed, “It’s what they’ll feed me that I’m afraid of!”

Dad and Alyssa laughed.

“It’ll be okay Taylor,” Rachel said, saying the most motherly sounding line since a week after she’d moved in with us.

“I wish I was as sure as all of you are,” I acknowledged before putting a spoonful of brownie, ice cream, and chocolate sauce into my mouth. “I’ve heard enough horror stories about the food… and I don’t even know if I’ll even want to eat!”

I was worried, really worried about it all.

As we went to the hotel that night I think Dad and Rachel were half expecting me to go into their room that night, but I just felt more comfortable with Mom. Especially since Alyssa was with us I decided to stay in her room again. “Goodnight Daddy,” I told him outside of his room.

“Goodnight sweetheart,” he said, returning the hug. “I love you and I’ll see you in the morning.”

Alyssa and I climbed into the bed and we giggled at each other briefly for no reason. It took us about fifteen minutes to get past the giggles.

“What’s all of this about?” Mom had come in.

I just shook my head and continued laughing, unable to stop. Alyssa stopped much sooner than me, and I found myself laughing at nothing and beginning to cry because I couldn’t stop. The tears continued as both Mom and Alyssa gave me a comforting, group hug.

After a while that seemed to help, “Thanks,” I told them.

Mom hugged me one more time and said, “I love you Taylor, I promise it’ll be alright!”

Alyssa just smiled at me and we climbed underneath the sheets, finding opposite sides of the bed to sleep on. As I lay there though, I didn’t sleep. I was beyond scared of going into the hospital tomorrow. ‘Will I even make it out?’ I asked myself over and over before sleep must have eventually taken me.

 

SUNDAY MORNING WAS a day I’d been dreading since it had been mentioned. It seemed like the hours till I was supposed to check-in at four would not slow down. We’d all slept in till ten or so before getting breakfast, doing some shopping at a mall on the west side of town, before making our way to the hospital. Mom had prepared my sleepover bag to be used for the hospital and I felt myself shaking upon our return there. My trip there the previous Wednesday didn’t seem to be enough to shake my nerves like this. I felt way more nervous upon my return to the lobby this time.

‘Of course this is a much worse surgery,’ I thought to myself.

Alyssa’s parents had come and picked her up in the parking lot area of the hospital as we unloaded, so I didn’t even have her by my side as we were brought up an elevator and led to a room by a nurse. The room was a single room to my surprise, and had a closet, a TV, DVD/Blue-Ray player, a PlayStation 3, and it didn’t seem too bad on first glance.

“Hi, I’m Francis, and I’ll be one of your main nurses,” an older grandmotherly lady told me as she came in behind my family.

“I’m Taylor,” I said softly.

“It’s nice to meet you Taylor,” she said with a smile.

“Did you bring a pair of pajamas?” she asked me.

I nodded, “Why don’t you go into the bathroom and put them on then,” she suggested.

“Okay,” I said noncommittally. “I don’t need to put on a hospital gown?”

“We’ll do that tomorrow morning Taylor, no reason to wear one of those before you have to!” she said with a smile.

“Okay,” I said with a shrug.

When I returned from the bathroom she was busy talking to Mom and Dad. Rachel sat off to the side looking a bit awkward. “Any known allergies?” Francis asked as she went through a form that must have been the sixth of its type we’d filled out in the last week.

“None,” Dad said.

“Why don’t you go ahead and hop up onto the bed?” the nurse suggested.

I sighed and did that. I was ignored for a few more moments while my entire medical history was triple checked. ‘I guess killing me with an allergy or a past problem would look bad…’ I thought to myself.

“Okay Taylor, let’s take your blood pressure, temperature, all of that good stuff.” She said to me. Francis wrote down all of that information, and pulled off a wrist band that was on her clipboard. She snapped it onto my wrist and I could see my name, age, room number, and a barcode. I also saw an ‘F’ written down there, one of the first official times I’d seen my sex marked female.

“Okay,” Francis said with a smile, “they will bring by a meal here in a few minutes and that’ll be the last time that you’ll be able to eat before the surgery. The doctor is okay with clear fluids after that till ten when we do lights out, but nothing after that.”

“What if I get thirsty?” I asked suddenly more nervous.

“If it’s really bad I’ll see what I can do,” she told me with a smile, “but with your surgery they want you to be clear of fluids as much as possible.”

I grimaced, “Okay.”

“Do you have any other questions Taylor?” she asked me.

“What about my parents?”

“I’ll stay with her tonight,” Dad said, “assuming you have a blanket that I can use while in this chair?”

She smiled, “The chair over there actually folds into a bed, but I’ll bring a blanket for you. Whatever you all and Taylor need to make this experience as painless as possible let us know, and we’ll try and help.”

“Thanks,” I found myself, my parents, and Rachel all breathe at the same time. I almost felt bad for her as the third wheel then.

The rest of the night passed with a fairly bland meal of baked chicken nuggets and fries. I drank every three seconds or so it seemed to try and make up for the lack of drinks I’d have later. When Mom was sure that I was settled in, she and Rachel headed to the new hotel rooms they had gotten closer to the hospital. Mom promised she’d stay the night with me tomorrow night. I had cried a bit as she left me there, but I knew she would be coming back.

Dad and I spent the rest of the night watching TV quietly. I’d laughed as we ended up seeing a clip of his last game being replayed on ESPN as we channel surfed. Dad had a grin on his face, he was proud of that sack on that quarterback!

At nine-forty-five another nurse came by and introduced herself as the late shift nurse. She had me use the restroom one last time and said it was time to go to bed. I think Dad was a little unnerved by the idea of the early bedtime too, but he was kind enough to go to bed. I had to laugh though, with his height his feet hung far off the bottom of the bed contraption.

Before he lay down though, he came over and tucked me in, much like Mom had the last week. “I love you Taylor, and I promise you I’ll be by your side every moment they let me.”

“I love you too Daddy,” I told him while hugging Allie that much more. I was glad I had brought her with me.

“I’m glad that you never let Rachel throw that bear away,” he told me with a smile.

“Me too!” I said. I sat quietly for a moment before saying, “I must have somehow known then.”

“I think you probably did Taylor, and none of us were smart enough to figure it out. I’m sorry I let Rachel push you as much as she did.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” I told him with a forced smile. I hoped it looked real.

“Well, it still shouldn’t have happened…” he seemed to be speaking to the air as much as me.

Dad paused for a second thinking about something, before giving me a kiss on the forehead, “Sweet dreams Princess!”

I smiled at him, and admitted to myself that I liked being my parents’ princess, even if they weren’t still together. That didn’t last long though, as I tossed and turned in the unfamiliar bed for thirty minutes. I ended up getting up and going to the bathroom once, before returning and attempting sleep some more. In the end, between the fears and anticipation, I did manage to go to sleep, hoping that the next week wouldn’t be as bad as I thought it would be.

 
I hope you all are enjoying this tale. I’ve passed the half-way mark now of the chapters! As always I love to know what my readers are thinking, please leave a comment if you have a moment! Thanks for reading! :-)

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 19: Surgery
 
TAYLOR IT’S TIME to wake up,” I heard Dad say and felt my shoulder shaken.

“Huh?” I said and blinked sleepily up at my dad. A different nurse stood next to him.

“Hi Taylor, I’m Karen,” she told me with a smile. “I’m going to take care of getting you ready and down to surgery this morning.”

“Oh,” I said suddenly wanting to shake.

“Here is the hospital gown I need to get you changed into.” She said with as disarming of a smile as she could manage, “Why don’t you go to the bathroom, put it on, and we’ll get you down there.”

I held back the tears that my fear seemed to want me to give into. “Oh… Okay,” I stammered out. As I rolled out of the bed Dad gave me a hand to get off. I was grateful for the pair of socks I had on with the cold floor below my feet. As I sat down to go to the bathroom I was almost tempted to stand one last time, but I really wasn’t going to miss the misshapen appendage. When I was sure I had everything out from my bladder, I put on the gown and looked in the mirror.

‘I’m so scared,’ I thought to myself as I stared at myself. I had no doubt that I was a girl from seeing myself in the mirror, but I wish I didn’t have to have the corrective surgery. ‘Why couldn’t I have been born with a normal vagina?’

Out in the room Dad was waiting, along with Mom and Rachel now, and they gave me big hugs. I could feel a breeze from the back of the gown, and Mom gave me a hand with tying it as much as it could be tied. “This is so embarrassing,” I whispered to her.

Karen stepped up then and said, “Well in the best of doctor wisdom, after depriving you of liquids all night, I have to start this IV now so you’ll be well hydrated!” While everyone else laughed nervously, she hung the bag on a stand and inserted the needle in my wrist. As I looked on in terror at it Karen added, “It’s just saline, Taylor, along with a very mild sedative to help calm you down.” She looked around the room and said, “Okay, I’ll step out in the hall for a minute so you can give her a pep talk!”

Mom kissed the top of my head and hugged me again. “Do you want me to braid your hair real quick before they come back to get you?”

I nodded, I didn’t know what today was going to be like, but any extra time that Mom would spend on me sounded good. It took her all of two minute to brush my hair and braid it. “I’d think you had been doing this for her all of her life,” Rachel commented. She had a small smile on her face that still looked like it was just for show to me.

“I wish we had…” Mom answered sadly.

“I guess we should get her going towards the surgical ward?” Dad asked Karen, who had reentered the room. I could hear he was almost as nervous as I was about all of this.

“If you’re ready Taylor?” Karen asked me.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I answered.

“Okay then, hop into this wheelchair and we’ll take you down,” she told me.

“Oh goody, a wheelchair…” I told her wryly. My three parental type units followed us down the hallway.

Karen pushed me to a room that they were going to put me out in before taking me to the operating room. “Just lay down here Taylor,” she told me.

Dr. Canter, Dr. Jacobson, and Dr. Gafford came in as a group as I lay down. “How are you doing Taylor?” Dr. Jacobson said.

“Scared,” I told her honestly.

“It’ll be okay, trust me,” She told me with a smile.

“Are you helping with the surgery?” I asked, confused.

“No, but I thought I would come hang out until you were under, and I’ll pop in again tomorrow when you become a bit more aware of your surroundings again,” she told me. She came over to me and squeezed my hand.

“Mr. Landt, Ms. Redding, Mrs. Landt?” Dr. Canter asked, introducing himself in person.

They nodded, “Let’s go ahead and get Taylor setup here.”

Dr. Canter began working on hooking several more IVs up to me, and finally brought a mask over to me. While he worked on hooking me up Mom held my right hand, and Dad held my left gently avoiding the IV port. “I love you Taylor,” Mom told me.

“I love you too Mom, Dad,” I told them while giving both of their hands a squeeze.

I was terrified, would I ever wake up? If I did wake up was everything going to be okay?

“Okay Taylor, I just want you to breathe in deep through this mask and count backwards from ten for me.” Dr. Canter said as he put the mask over my face.

“Ten… nine… eight…”

And I was out for the count.

 
THE NEXT THING I knew was that my mouth felt like it was full of sawdust and I was clueless about where I was. I looked over to my left and saw a familiar face, “Daddy,” I choked out. My throat was so dry I was surprised my voice worked at all.

“Taylor! You’re awake!” he said as he came over and took my hand.

“Taylor!” I heard another voice quietly exclaim beside him too, pushing next to him. I recognized Mom.

“Hi,” I croaked. “Can I have some water?” I tried asking. As I listened to my voice I laughed, I didn’t sound like myself at all.

Dad squeezed my hand. “I’ll go let the nurse know you’re awake,” he said, and another hand took over.

“How do you feel?” My mom asked.

“Thirsty,” I said. I was so thirsty I didn’t really care about anything else; even though I knew there was something else I should care about.

I turned my head and saw Dad come back with a nurse. She began taking some vitals and I asked, “Water?”

She smiled at me, “Just a few moments sweetie,” she told me.

After what seemed like an eternity she disappeared out of site and came back with a water bottle that looked like something I would use in a chemistry lab in school. She squeezed some water into my mouth. I wanted to suck it out greedily but she pulled the straw out. “Not too much yet Taylor,” she said sweetly, “a little at a time for a while so you don’t get sick.”

I glared at her, but she seemed impervious to my death stare. After a couple minutes she let me have some more water and gave Mom instructions on how to give me some more while she went to get the doctor. I’d just convinced Mom to give me some more water, and was feeling less thirsty when I said, “Mommy, I’m sleepy, I’m going back to bed.”

 
THAT WAS THE last thing I remembered from that day. Apparently I woke up several other times, including when they moved me to my room, but I don’t remember any of them. I guess I even asked Mom why she was there in Atlanta once; I was really loopy I guess…

Tuesday about ten or so I woke up for real.

“Daddy?” I asked.

I heard a noise and saw him stand up from a chair and come over to me. “Right here sweetheart,” he told me.

I felt tears on my face.

“Are you in pain?” he asked with concern.

I shook my head, “Did everything come out alright?”

He nodded and Mom came over from a seat with a set of legal papers in her hand that she must have been working on reading. “Everything came out fine,” he assured me.

“How are you feeling?” Mom asked me.

I thought for a moment. I was thirsty mainly. I tried to extend my brain down to in between my legs and didn’t know what I felt down there. It was weird…

“I don’t know?” I said questioningly. “I don’t feel pain down there, but it feels weird.”

“That’s probably part of the… temporary parts they put down there to keep things in the right shape,” she told me.

I saw Dad visibly grimace at that one.

“Does it look alright down there?” I asked.

“I haven’t looked,” Dad admitted and looked at Mom.

“They changed the bandages one time last night when I was here, it’s just really swollen down there right now,” she told me.

“When will I be able to see?” I asked.

“Dr. Gafford and Dr. Jacobson are supposed to stop in at ten to give you a look somehow,” Mom told me.

“What time is it now?”

“Nine,” Dad told me rejoining the conversation. I guess I could understand why he wouldn’t want to look at his sons missing parts, or his daughter’s vagina… short of changing my diapers he wouldn’t have ever looked down there anyways when I was younger. Mom used to always bathe me, and after she left, I insisted that I did all of that on my own.

“Ugh.” I said. “How long am I going to have to lay here?”

“Probably at least today and tomorrow,” Mom told me.

“I don’t feel that bad though,” I told her.

Dad laughed at me, “Wait until they stop giving you the pain killers Taylor.”

I looked up at him, “They have me on a lot of them?” I asked suddenly nervous.

“Not as much as an adult would be, but quite a bit,” he told me, pointing to the second bag on the IV stand and a blue box on the stand with some numbers on the front.

“Oh.”

I pulled my free hand back to my hair and noticed what a mess it was. I also figured out that my left wrist was hurting a bit from having the needle in it still, and my arm ached and felt a bit cold. As I lifted my head to take in my surroundings I realized I had wires attached to my chest and I felt some other kind of line alongside my leg. ‘Probably from the catheter,’ I thought to myself and shuddered. Even with all of the cutting down there that had to happen that honestly was the part that freaked me out the most. I forced myself not to think about it.

“Do you want to watch TV or something?” Mom asked me.

I shrugged, “I guess…” She handed me the remote and I channel surfed for a few minutes before a nurse came in to check on me.

“Hi, I’m Cassie,” she told me.

“I’ve met so many of you guys it seems,” I told her with a smile.

“You’ll do that here,” she agreed. “How do you feel?”

I shrugged, “I don’t feel any pain down there.”

“Good, when you do let me know, okay?”

I nodded, wincing internally that she said ‘when’ and not ‘if.’

I watched the first part of a movie before Dr. Jacobson and Dr. Gafford walked in together. Mom turned off the TV and everyone said their greetings. “How are you feeling Taylor?” Dr. Gafford asked. As the lead surgeon she was in charge throughout this period of recovery and such.

“Fine I guess,” I said to her. “Just thirsty… not really hungry though.” I admitted. “That seems weird.”

“It’s pretty normal due to the anesthesia Taylor. I’m guessing you’ll start getting hungry more tomorrow for certain. Tonight I’ll make sure they bring some broth by or Jell-O,” she said partially to the nurse next to them.

“Okay.” I said and waited for someone to speak. “How did it go?” I asked nervously.

“Taylor, everything went great. Thankfully it’s not like it was a transgendered patient’s surgery, since you actually have all of the equipment as far as a uterus and such there wasn’t much internally that we had to do. It was all pretty much cosmetic except for having to shorten your urethra a little bit.”

I shuddered a little bit to think about what it must look like down there. “When can I see?” I asked nervously.

“Well, we’d like to keep the bandages on through tomorrow, and then we’ll take them off about this time. In two days, on Thursday, we’ll pull out the temporary plug we put in to make sure that your new opening stays open. You’ll have to then do a little bit of daily care there for a while, but again, since you actually have all of the right internal equipment it wasn’t nearly as invasive as it might have been.” Dr. Gafford said that with a smile and gave my hand a friendly squeeze.

“Okay,” I said. I didn’t really have any other questions, other than what was I going to do laid-up here for three more days… “When can I walk around and stuff?” I asked.

“Let’s keep you down for another day until we pull the bandages off,” she said that with a stern manner. “We’ll see how the stitches and everything looks then, if it looks like it’s safe to move more I’ll personally see to you getting about a little bit. You’re not going to be moving around a whole lot though for a few days though, sorry,” she said the last part in a manner that made feel she did empathize with me there.

She glanced at my parents to make sure they were listening. “Taylor, it’s hard to predict how bad the pain will be later. If it gets bad, that blue box on the stand next to your IV dispenses a very strong painkiller directly into your IV. The box will ensure you can’t get too much. We’re hoping you won’t need any, but if you do, pressing that button,” she paused to show me a remote hanging on the stand with a single button on it, “will give you a dose. Once pressed though we have it set so it won’t work again for an hour and it’s important to let the nurse know each time, got it?”

“I understand,” I replied, noticing it was beyond my reach.

“We have it just out of your reach so one of your parents will have to activate it for you. I’m trusting in your and their good judgment in this, okay?”

“Yes ma’am, only if I really need it.” She smiled at me.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine. I’m also sure that after today we can remove it.”

“Good!” Looking at that machine made me nervous, now that I knew what it was.

She and Dr. Jacobson stayed to talk to my parents and me for a while before moving onto other patients. Dr. Jacobson assured me she would stop by tomorrow after the bandages came off to see how I was coping. After that my day was boring. My parents took turns staying with me and I found out that Rachel had flown back to Atlanta that morning. ‘Good riddance’ had been my thought about that. I spent a lot of the day sleeping, but also read some on my iPad, watched some TV, and talked with Dad. I was surprised how tiring even reading was. ‘The medication must be affecting my eyes,’ I thought as I rubbed them my one free hand.

At one point Mom had stepped out for a couple hours and Dad was alone with me. The nurse had just come to change my catheter bag, and so we were going to be given some peace for a bit I thought. “Taylor, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about…”

“What?” I asked nervously.

“Well, you know I hate to say this, but I think I’m probably only going to be playing one or two more seasons for Atlanta.”

“Why?”

“I’m getting old for a linebacker Taylor,” he told me with a sad smile.

“But you played better last year than you ever have before,” I told him. It was true even though he was getting a bit old to be playing that spot, he had a great season last year. Most of the guys in the league averaged five or six years younger than him now though, let alone as he kept getting older.

“Thanks, and you’re right… but I’m also thinking that might let us choose to live somewhere else,” he said.

“What about moving up here?” I suggested casually.

“Why here?”

“Well… Dad, I know Mom left us and everything… but I can’t imagine living away from her completely anymore. No offense… but, you’re not going to do well with some of the ‘girl’ issues that are coming up…”

He winced. “Rachel could help…”

“Daddy,” I started, trying to stay calm, “Rachel…we hate each other. She’s mean, cruel, and I can’t stand her! She was on her best behavior this weekend, but she has never, and will never love me for who I am. All she wants is a son that can follow in his father’s footsteps as an NFL player. I’m not that, and I never was.” I told him. I could feel my eyes getting moist.

“Taylor, she doesn’t hate you.”

“I don’t believe that, and neither do you.”

He looked stricken, but there was a part of him that knew it was the truth, I could see it in his eyes. “Look Daddy, I know you love her… I don’t want to be the one to get in the way there. But, other than visits, I can’t see myself ever living in the same house with her again.”

I felt like I had stabbed him in the back, and he looked like it too, but he nodded. “Well then, either she’s going to have to prove that she can change, or we’ll fix the situation,” he said. There was a long moment of awkward silence then. “So are you in any pain?” he asked.

I shook my head, “No, whatever is in that IV must be good stuff!” I smiled.

I heard some voices in the hallway that sounded vaguely familiar.

There was a knock on the doorframe and I heard, “May we come in?”

I sat up a little bit taller to try and see who was coming around the corner, and grimaced a bit as I felt my first real pain. “Alyssa?” I said excitedly. I sounded so weak though still for some reason.

“Yep!” I heard, and still couldn’t see her as my vision of her was obstructed by a massive display of balloons and flowers.

“Oh my god,” I breathed.

“Where should I put these?” She said with a smile I could hear in her voice.

“Why don’t you put them right here on this table,” Dad told her.

She came over to me and gave me a hug. Her parents were with her and her mom hugged me too. “How are you feeling?” Her mom asked.

I shrugged, “I don’t feel much of anything right now,” I answered honestly. I wondered if her dad knew why I was in here now.

They stayed and talked with Dad and me for an hour or so before the nurse shoed them out and said I needed some time resting again. I groaned a bit, but agreed. Mom showed up about that time to relieve Dad and had a vase of pink roses with yellow tips on them that were pretty too. She handed me a ‘Build-a-Bear’ box with a smile.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“Open it,” she said with a smile.

“It’s cuuute!” I exclaimed. Inside the white box was a tiger dressed in a cute pair of ‘Hello Kitty’ pajamas.

She smiled at me. “I thought you could use a few more stuffed friends to keep you and Allie company,” she suggested. I put my arm up so she would come give me a hug. ‘I hate not being allowed to move around,’ I thought grouchily.

“Thanks Mommy,” I told her.

I talked with her for a few minutes, but must have fallen asleep at some point.

 
THE NEXT THING I knew a nurse was by to check on my vitals and brought by some broth to try to eat. It tasted gross, but I forced some of it down anyway. I didn’t stay awake very long then either, falling asleep holding my new stuffed animal whom I’d named ‘Mandy.’

Mom stayed in the room with me that night, sleeping on the chair-bed that Dad had slept on, but I wasn’t really aware of her much. My few hours of alertness that day seem to have cost me a lot in strength, and I didn’t really wake again until nine the next day when Mom shook me awake.

“How are you feeling sweetheart?”

I had to think for a moment, the honest truth was I hurt. “I’m kind of sore,” I told her.

She smiled at me, “The nurse is going to come back in a moment and I’m sure she’ll give you something for that. Or if you want me to press that button?” she probed.

“No, not that!” I was afraid of it. For all I knew it was something that I would get addicted to!

“Okay sweetie, we’ll just tell the nurse you’re in some discomfort then.”

“Sounds good,” I said. It was the first time I’d felt anything down there in the nearly two days since the surgery.

She grasped my hand and talked with me a little bit more about the fact my Dad would be in here for the visit from Dr. Gafford and Dr. Jacobson. “Do you want your Dad to leave when they take the bandages off?” She asked me.

I thought for a second… “I don’t care, let him decide…” I said embarrassed, and I could feel my face turn red. “This is hard on him too,” I said honestly.

She nodded at me. “I told him you would say that.”

“What did he say?”

“He knew it too. He’ll decide when the time comes I guess.” She told me.

A nurse came in then and Mom told her about my pain. She went outside and came back with a couple pills in a paper cup. “The doctors want to start backing you off of the strong medicine,” she told me with a smile, while I noticed one less bag on the IV stand.

“Might as well start feeling it soon…” I said with a grimace.

“If it gets too bad let me know and we’ll change that opinion if we need to.” She turned and disconnected the blue box from my IV and started to roll its stand out to the hallway.

“Thanks.” I told her.

Mom turned on the TV and I pulled at my hair a little bit. It was a mess! I could feel it with my hand. “Do you want me to brush your hair for you?” Mom asked me.

I nodded, almost feeling like crying. I couldn’t wait to escape the prison that was this bed… and I had a week left probably! “Please?” I asked.

Mom had just dug out my hairbrush and was coming over when Dr. Gafford and Dr. Jacobson walked in. “Good morning!” Dr. Jacobson said to me with a smile, and Dr. Gafford greeted me as well.

“How are you feeling this morning?” Dr. Gafford asked.

I shrugged, “Okay I guess, I really don’t want to keep sitting here,” I told her honestly.

“Most of my patients don’t,” She told me with a smile. “We’ll get you out of bed tomorrow, I promise.”

“I’m going to hold you to that…” I said with as much of a friendly manner as I could manage. I felt so grungy since I hadn’t showered in two days now.

Dr. Jacobson smiled at me, “I can understand Taylor.”

“Are you ready for us to take the bandages off?” Dr. Gafford asked.

I nodded and bit my lip; I was kind of scared to see what it looked like.

Dr. Gafford pulled the blanket and sheet from the bed and was getting ready to pull my hospital gown up when my Dad walked in. “Umm…” he said embarrassed.

“Come in Dad,” I said just as embarrassed.

He gulped and went to stand over by the wall next to my mom.

Dr. Gafford had the nurse close the outside door then, and she pulled up on my hospital gown. “Okay, let’s see what we have here,” she said and smiled. I couldn’t really see much as I felt her pull on bandages and tape down there. She worked for several moments before holding up a mirror for me and saying, “Here you go,” she said. Dad gripped my hand, and Mom looked on in curiosity.

I stared at the spot where I used to have what I thought was a penis. The weird thing was that it felt like it was still hanging down there, but as I looked on I could make out a completely foreign set of ‘lips’ and it didn’t look as scary as I thought. There was some blood and stitches present still that were a bit gross, but it didn’t look as bad as it had in my daydreams and nightmares. The one thing that was still there was some packing that looked like it contained dried blood too. Everything was all puffy and bruised, with an angry red color, but they didn’t seem concerned so I didn’t ask about that.

“What about the other stuff?” I asked nervously.

“We’ll take that out tomorrow,” Dr. Gafford said. “There are some stitches holding it in place for now, I want to make sure that you have an opening that will be stable before we take it out though — that’s really our only concern for you and healing at this point. All of the ‘plumbing’ behind your new opening was already present. If you were really male we would have had to cut through muscle tissue and created depth there for you to ever be able to do anything, the nice thing about you being a girl we didn’t have to worry about that!”

I smiled, “Now if only I didn’t have to go through any of this…”

Dr. Jacobson and Dr. Gafford joined my parents in nodding sadly.

“Taylor, I want to go ahead and clean the wound out a bit more — then maybe we can get one of the nurses and your mom to help you change from your hospital gown into a nightgown of your own.”

“Really?!?” I asked excitedly. “I’m so tired of wearing this!” I admitted.

Dr. Gafford smiled, “Really, I know it’ll help you feel better. I’ll also have the nurse come give you a sponge bath…” I wrinkled my nose a bit, “it’ll be the best we can do until tomorrow. I’ll let you take a shower then if things look alright. Baths are going to be out of the question for several weeks though.”

I sighed at that one, ‘I just started enjoying those…’

“Okay,” I said, “something is better than nothing.”

She nodded at me and she had the nurse bring her a few supplies and began cleaning my new part up a bit.

“That tickles!” I exclaimed. I couldn’t help but notice it felt weird too.

“That’s great! Most of my patients are numb for weeks! Almost done,” she said. She worked for a couple more torturous moments to clean down there, and other than the redness and bruising, it didn’t look like a horror movie anymore.

“Alright, done,” she proclaimed.

Dr. Jacobson let me know she was going to be back in an hour to talk with me, and Dad chose the moment that both of them left to make his own awkward exit. He’d looked briefly at the spot, but for the rest of the time cowered at the head of my bed holding my hand so he couldn’t see. The nurse and Mom helped me get the gown off and gave me a sponge bath.

“This is so humiliating,” I griped, almost in tears.

“Hang in there Taylor,” Mom told me.

“Does she have a nightgown?” The nurse asked.

Mom moved over to the closet where she had left my bag, and dug out the nightgowns that she had packed for me. She held them up and I grimaced, ‘of course she threw it in!’ I thought when I saw the Rapunzel one.

I sighed and pointed to the Rapunzel one. She smiled, just as I knew she would, and I decided it would be worth the embarrassment.

“Cute!” the nurse said.

“It’s the bad thing about being so short,” I admitted to the nurse. She went outside while mom helped me sit up and pull the nightgown down, and returned with an ugly pair of panties.

“The doctor said we can go ahead and have you wear these surgical panties,” she told me. They looked odd, but as she slid them up my legs and helped me pull them on without moving from the bed, I felt better for having some covering. She remade the sheets and blanket around my lower half, and my embarrassment seemed to be at an end.

“Umm… thanks…” I said as the nurse turned to leave.

“No problem sweetie,” she told me as she walked out the door.

“That was so embarrassing!” I complained to Mom.

“At least it should be the only one you’ll have to endure,” she told me, “and you do feel a bit cleaner now, right?” she asked.

My face was red as I nodded.

“Would you like for me to do your hair now?” she asked.

“Please?” I asked.

She found my hairbrush again, and I used the bed controls I had to push myself into a more upright position. Dad had seen the nurse leave and came to the conclusion it was safe. He had kind of an odd look on his face as he saw Mom working on my head. The top of my nightgown was visible, and I think there was a bit of a smile on his face as he must have decided I looked cute or something. He didn’t say anything though as he took a seat on a chair that faced my bed.

I felt Mom continue to work on my hair, and I had no doubts as to what she was doing with my hair. When she pronounced herself done I knew she had put my hair into two pigtails, and just shook my head. “You tried to make me look seven?” I asked with fake irritation. I really was grateful to have the knots out of my hair, and not have a ‘bed head’ going on now.

“It doesn’t take that much effort,” Dad said straight-faced from his chair, not even looking up from his iPad so I could glare at him effectively.

I tried anyway, and was shocked that he looked up and genuinely seemed to melt beneath my gaze! ‘I must have some kind of superpower!!!’ I thought to myself as Mom laughed at me and ruined the hope.

The rest of the morning passed swiftly. Dr. Jacobson took over for my parents for about an hour and spoke with me about a lot of things. She didn’t limit herself to how I felt about the surgery; she talked about many other things too. At one point I mentioned how bored I felt just sitting there, and that I wish I could play my horn or something. She had looked thoughtful for a moment, but didn’t comment beyond saying she understood. Apparently she played saxophone in a jazz combo that some of the other doctors played in. I thought that was pretty cool!

When she left Dad returned, and Mom took the opportunity to drive back home to Conneaut for the afternoon and evening. She was supposed to drive back for Dr. Gafford’s visit, and then Dad was going to take a day off from me so he could go get some workouts done. He had been able to do a little bit of jogging, and even a little bit of weights at the hotel, but he needed to do more if he was going to be ready for the team’s training camp at the end of the month.

The great thing about lunch that day was that I was allowed for the first time to eat something! It wasn’t much, just Jell-O, but it was something. They even let me order some chicken nuggets for dinner that night. It was mostly a boring day of watching TV, reading books on my iPad, and occasionally having conversations with my dad. Well, that and nurse visits that seemed to never end!

As I went to sleep that night, I mused that I had now finished all but the last book in the Twilight series… ‘What am I going to read next?’ I asked myself. ‘Maybe Mom will let me have my iPhone and I can text Alyssa and ask her for suggestions…’

 
 

Chapter 20: Long Roads

 
THE NEXT DAY I woke up when the sun started streaming in my room’s window… ‘Way too early!’ I thought to myself. Dad was snoring in the recliner/bed hybrid thing, and I knew there was no way I would be going back to sleep. A nurse stopped in and said ‘hi’ quietly to me, and we quietly giggled about my dad’s snoring. She brought me a fresh glass of ice water at my request, and I began to both fear and look forward to Dr. Gafford’s return visit this morning.

When Dad eventually woke up he used the room’s shower to make himself feel human. I was sooo jealous!!!

Mom came in about nine-thirty with two cups of coffee in her hand. She handed one to Dad. “Thank you Heather,” he said. I was pretty proud of how civil the two of them had been together the past week. I had no expectations of Dad divorcing Rachel and coming to get back together with Mom, but at least they could behave as adults together. In the past, anytime we got together there was a lot of tension in the air as I was passed from one to the other, but that seemed to have improved the last week.

Dr. Gafford came in not too much later and Dad quietly excused himself while the packing was pulled out. It was a bit uncomfortable to deal with, but it didn’t hurt as much as I expected it to. When the packing was out I could see a ‘hole’ had been revealed… and knew that it would be my new reality from here on out. She spent some time discussing with my Mom and I about a modified ‘dilating’ procedure for us to do frequently for a while to make sure the new opening stayed open. She explained that I wouldn’t have to do it for much more than a month, but for us to be sure the skin was staying open properly I needed to do it daily.

As she demonstrated it I was both horrified, and slightly ashamed that it felt almost… pleasant… Dr. Gafford must have noticed my reaction, because she said, “And that’s how we know you aren’t a normal patient with this procedure. If you were, this would be nothing but pain for a long time,” she told me.

I blushed.

“The nurse will help you take a shower this morning Taylor, and tomorrow morning we’ll pull the catheter out. If you need to make a bowel movement, and I expect you should today, she can either bring you a bed pan or you can get help to the restroom.”

“Am I going to be that weak?” I asked scared.

“You’re not going to be as strong as you’re used to,” she told me.

It wasn’t nearly as bad as she led me to believe though; as I was helped up to the bathroom to take a shower it didn’t seem too bad. Mom shooed the nurse out of the way and helped me by herself. “It’s not like she weighs that much,” Mom told her as she supported my weight a little bit while I wriggled out of the panties they’d given me the day before. She pulled my nightgown over my head, and helped me into the shower.

I managed to do pretty well on my own actually, and I think Mom was surprised by that as I washed my hair for the first time since I’d gotten up three days ago. It felt luxurious to have the warm water running over my body, but I did start to feel tired of standing, so I got out long before I wanted, for fear of falling. Mom helped me into another pair of panties that were like the ones from the previous night. She had just helped me pull another nightgown over my head when the nurse stopped back in.

“Did you manage mostly okay?” She asked me.

I nodded.

“Dr. Gafford suggested we go ahead and use a maxi-pad in your panties in case there is any bleeding or draining of your wound down there.”

I blushed. “Umm… okay, how?”

She let Mom take the lead on the issue and soon I had a pad stuck to the panties to catch anything. “Well at least you know what to do when you get your period now,” Mom told me with a smirk.

I’d blushed and stuck my tongue out at her before hiding behind my wet hair. Mom brushed my hair into its’ new normal shape, and even let me put on some lip gloss. All things considered I felt a lot better when I returned to the bed, but really worn out. I ended up taking a nap till lunch.

 
THAT DAY PASSED with several chances for me to walk around my room and a brief walk down the hallway. I was embarrassed by how weak I was. Dad had taken me for one of those walks and carried me back to my room afterwards when I overexerted myself. My parents left me in the room alone that night for the first time at my insistence. They just both looked too haggard for me to let them continue to wear themselves down like that.

Friday they removed the catheter and I used my new opening to urinate for the first time. I had been afraid it would hurt, but everything worked just fine. The only real problem was the fact that my urine spray seemed weird; I really understood mom’s direction of wiping well after that. The nurse came in to help me clean up my vagina several times through that day, and I began to hope that I would be able to get out of there soon. I so didn’t want to spend my birthday in the hospital!

By the end of Friday I was tired from having walked around as much as I could convince the nurses to let me. Mom seemed to be given the idea that staying in bed was something I still needed to be doing, so she brought a pile of DVDs that we began watching. They ranged from Disney movies to chic-flicks and managed to keep me mostly distracted that day.

Saturday I once again began to feel like I was going crazy from staring at the walls, and wondered if Dr. Jacobson could go ahead and come and spring me due to mental anguish… During my morning check-up the nurse said that everything looked like it was healing fine.

Just when I thought I couldn’t take another moment of watching TV, reading, or being stuck in the hospital I got a surprise visit from Alyssa, Danielle, and Breanna! Alyssa came in with the Settler’s board game that we’d played several weeks back, and the four of us had found a table in a nearby game room to play it in.

“How are you feeling?” Danielle asked me.

I shrugged, “Mostly okay I guess,” I told her. “Mainly bored senseless,” I added.

“When are they going to let you out?” Breanna asked.

“Hopefully Monday… I really don’t want to be in here Tuesday…”

“What’s up with Tuesday?” Danielle asked.

“It’s my birthday.”

“Yeah, being in the hospital on your birthday just doesn’t sound like fun.” Alyssa said.

That afternoon the four of us hung out and I felt less boxed in while they were there with me. Unfortunately for me they had to go back home to Conneaut, and I was left once again with just my Mom and Dad for company. I ended up sitting on Dad’s lap at one point to watch yet another movie. I just didn’t feel like sitting or lying on the bed anymore!

At some point I must have fallen asleep like that though, because I woke the next morning when a nurse came in to bother me. Sunday was the last full day in the hospital for me, I hoped, so I did everything I could just to keep myself occupied. Mom brought a coloring book and some crayons for something different to do, and I was amused that it occupied me so fully to color in scenes from various Disney Princess movies.

Sunday night I was just grateful to have managed to make it through another day without losing my mind!!!

 
MONDAY MORNING I was told to just stay in my nightgown and wait for Dr. Gafford to come by. She was supposed to be able to come by about nine and do one last check so I could be released from the hospital.

“Good morning Taylor,” Dr. Gafford said after I had forced down the barely edible breakfast and sat the tray down to my side.

“Good morning,” I said with a smile, “Please, please, please, tell me I can go home today!” I begged.

She laughed, “I see that you’re not a big fan of our hospitality?”

“No. Not really.” I paused, “I’m bored out of my mind! I’ll get down on my knees and beg if I need to!!!” I added.

Mom stood over to the side and just shook her head and laughed at me. Dad was supposed to come by and do the actual pickup to drive me to my mom’s house. Once I was settled in there he was going to stay the night in a hotel that was nearby through Wednesday. He had to fly back down to Atlanta then for a couple days of downtime before their team training camp started the year back up.

Dr. Gafford laughed as well, “I see this all of the time, and I can see why you want out.” She gave my hand a squeeze and said, “Well let’s take a look at the incisions and make sure everything looks okay. If it does, we’ll talk about your release.” She winked at me. A nurse came and helped with moving the blanket, sheet, and she looked at my new anatomy very closely. She used a gloved hand to push my skin back and forth, “have you been able to use the devices?”

I blushed, “Yes.”

“I don’t think you’ll have to continue for more than a few more weeks Taylor, you’re healing pretty quickly.” She added.

“So I can get out of here?” I asked, not hiding my excitement.

“I don’t know… another week or so might be a good idea…” she joked with me as I willed my eyes to melt her body into a puddle of goo. “Oh alright! If you insist!!!I’ll have the nurses start the paperwork for getting you out of here. I’d recommend you avoid tight pants and shorts for a few more days still. And, if you’re going home, I want another day or two of you resting as much as possible!”

I looked sullen, but I agreed, “Okay.”

“Anything else we need to worry about?” Mom asked.

“For right now, continue with everything we’ve been doing to maintain the opening. I want to see her again next Monday, call my office to setup a time.”

“We’ll do that,” Mom said.

“Very good then,” Dr. Gafford said. “Well then, why don’t you get a shower and then get changed into some clothes to run away,” she told me with a smile.

“I can do that!” I said with a smile.

“I’m sure you can,” she said.

I gave her a quick hug, “Thanks for everything,” I told her.

“You’re very welcome Taylor,” she told me.

As soon as she was walking away from my bed I jumped down from the bed and made my way to my closet. Mom had brought a blue, tiered skirt and a white blouse with her that morning. I quickly showered, and didn’t take any time for it to be comforting, I wanted out! Mom insisted on doing my hair for me, and within thirty minutes I was packed up and ready to head out the door.

Unfortunately the hospital took another hour to process all of my paperwork so I could actually leave!

As I was pushed down the hallway in a wheelchair I kept wishing the lady would push me faster. Dad was waiting at the doorway to the hospital with his rental car. “I can walk you know!” I said to Dad as he moved to pick me up.

“I know,” he said sheepishly. “I’m just worried about you.”

I hugged him and made my way into the car, carefully smoothing my skirt underneath me and being careful of my sore area. It still surprised me that I wasn’t in more pain as I recovered from the procedure. Everything I had read about the closest thing to my procedure it had seemed incredibly painful; among the most painful experiences people had had, and the only thing I could figure out was that because I really was a girl… well, it wasn’t nearly as painful. Not that it was painless mind you!

“Do you want to get some real food?” Dad asked me as we dropped Mom off at her car.

I nodded, “Something as unhealthy as possible!”

He laughed. My mom and he seemed to get a kick out of my desire to leave the hospital so badly. We son found ourselves at the Cheesecake Factory restaurant that we’d been to a few weeks before. I felt hungry enough to order a full meal by myself, but couldn’t even finish a third of the dish before I felt full. I’d blushed a bit about it, but both of my parents had just laughed and given me a hug, saying it was okay.

“Home?” I asked, suddenly feeling tired as we stood up to go.

“That’s the plan,” Mom told me.

It amazed me how quickly I suddenly felt tired as I walked with them back to the cars. I clung to dad’s arm all the way back to the car, and I think he was worried he was going to have to carry me. “Are you alright?” he asked as he opened the door for me.

I nodded, “I’m just tired. I don’t know what else they did to me, but I don’t have the energy I normally do.”

He nodded, “The doctors said that you would have that problem. Why don’t you take a nap while we drive to your mom’s house?”

I groaned, “I’m so tired of sleeping…”

As tired of sleeping as I was though, I wasn’t aware of the trip home at all. Instead I only woke briefly when I realized Dad was carefully carrying me upstairs to my room. I was pretty out of it as he turned towards my open room where Mom directed him.

“Sweetie, do you want to put a pair of pajamas on?” Mom asked me after Dad set me down and I sat up.

I wasn’t quite sure why I was so out of it all of a sudden. I nodded, “Sure,” I said.

“Can you do it?” Mom asked me.

I nodded, “Can you hand me a pair please?”

“Sure,” she said. Dad made his way out my bedroom door and I found myself once again lying down and sleeping.

I slept off and on through the afternoon before feeling awake again. My hair was a mess as I sat up on my bed. I brushed some loose hair out of my eyes and stood up slowly. There was a purple scrunchie sitting on my dresser so I slowly took and made a ponytail behind my head. I could see my reflection and it didn’t look all that flattering.

“Ugh…” I breathed out. “I hope I get past this stuff soon.” I was completely talking to myself out loud, ‘probably a sign I’m crazy,’ I said to myself. Mom had placed my iPhone on my dresser and I checked the time, almost five, and so I decided to go downstairs and see where everyone else was.

As I slowly and carefully walked downstairs I noticed a ‘welcome home’ sign Mom had placed hanging from the ceiling above the hallway entrance to the kitchen/living room area. I smiled weakly at how much she seemed to care. A part of me felt even worse for all of the things that I had thought about and done to her over the years.

“Hey sweetie!” Mom said with a smile from the couch where she was looking over something from work.

“Hi,” I told her. “Where’s Dad?”

“He just went to go check in to his hotel, he’s going to be back here in about ten minutes and he’s supposed to bring back some pizza for dinner.”

“Okay,” I said. I was thirsty so I wandered over to the cabinet where she kept glasses and got myself a glass of ice water. I noticed her gaze follow me the whole time as if she was worried I was going to fall over and break at any given moment. ‘Well I did kind of exhaust myself already once today…’ I admitted.

I took the glass of water over to sit next to Mom, who made room for me on the couch next to her. She gave me a hug and put her arm around me while pushing aside whatever case file she was working on. “How are you feeling?”

“Ugh… Okay I guess. I don’t know why I was so tired!” I said.

“Your body is using all of its energy to heal right now still, it’ll be this way for a while I’m afraid.”

“Not fair,” I said, pouting.

“I know sweetheart,” she told me and squeezed me lightly again.

I sat there quietly with her for about ten minutes before I heard the front doorbell ring.

“I’ll get it sweetheart.” I just smiled at her. I didn’t really feel like running to the door still.

“Is Taylor up?” I heard down the hallway.

“Alyssa!” I exclaimed, and started to get up. Before I could get to the hallway entrance though, she was already coming down the hallway.

“They let you out!” She said excitedly as she gave me a careful hug.

I smiled, “I broke out!” I giggled.

“Hope you didn’t kill too many innocent nurses,” she laughed too.

“There’s no such thing…” I breathed. The nurses had all been nice enough… but their constant attention drove me nuts! Of course they weren’t there when you needed them though either.

She laughed. “So what have you been doing? I texted you like fifty times this afternoon.”

I led her back to the living room and she sat down next to me. “I guess I must have been more tired than I thought when we left the hospital. Dad took us to lunch and I fell asleep in the car until about twenty minutes ago.”

“Wow, I’m sorry Taylor that sucks.” She told me caringly.

I shrugged, “It’ll get better…”

“So when do they let you start doing things?”

“Well, I think I’m allowed to start playing horn again at the end of this week if it doesn’t hurt me…” I paused, “They are concerned about it being over the weight limit and the abdominal pressure though, so we’ll have to see if it hurts…”

“What about things like marching band camp?”

“You said that’s the first week of August?”

She nodded, “I think the sixth is the first day, I can look at my calendar at home.”

“I think I’ll be okay for that.” I counted the weeks mentally. “It’s like two more weeks after that before I’ll be allowed to ride again,” I told her.

“That’s too bad, there are a couple of races coming up that you probably could have ridden in…” she said with a smile.

“Right… definitely wouldn’t have been able to do that,” I told her.

We bantered back and forth about all of the things that I couldn’t do, but wanted to be able to do right away for a good ten minutes. I barely noticed that there was another ring of the doorbell and my Dad came in with two pizzas. “Can you stay for dinner?” I asked Alyssa, semi-pleading for her to so I could have time with her.

“Sure!” She told me with a smile.

The four of us ate pizza and I sat on a ‘doughnut’ that had been suggested for sitting for now on harder chairs. “So when do you fly home Mr. Landt?” Alyssa asked.

“I’m going to fly home Wednesday morning. I thought I’d stick around for Taylor’s birthday tomorrow,” he told her.

“That’s cool,” she said.

I wasn’t even sure of what we were doing for my birthday at that point, and was getting ready to ask when they distracted me. “So what would you think about flying down to Atlanta for our first pre-season game in August with Taylor?” Dad asked Alyssa.

“Really?” Alyssa asked.

“Really,” he responded with a smile, “And, maybe these other two friends could fly down too?” Dad suggested.

“That would be awesome!” Alyssa said.

I nodded, “That would be a lot of fun,” I told him.

“Cool,” he told us. He mentioned the date of the game and Mom wrote it down. We told him we’d ask Danielle and Breanna if it worked for them or not. The idea of flying with my new friends down to Atlanta sounded like fun.

‘It’d also be nice to have friends around when everyone else figures out I’m not a boy…’ I thought to myself. ‘I’m so glad I don’t have to go to school with everyone I knew back home!’

Alyssa stayed until about eight that night, when Mom made some excuses that I needed to go to bed. Unfortunately it wasn’t that simple… “Do you need any help?” She asked me.

I sighed, “I’ll be okay,” I told her turning red.

Dad insisted on carrying me upstairs before giving me a hug and going to his hotel for the night. “You know, this really sucks,” I told her as I lay down up on my bed to take care of something that had to be a ritual for the next month.

“At least you will be able to stop doing it once it heals,” she told me.

“Can we fast forward?” I asked.

She gave me a hug and closed the door behind her. An hour later I was actually able to pull the covers over me, and enjoy sleeping in my own bed for the first time in a week.

 
I decided to do a longer posting today to get the transition to the last section of the book up. I will probably post again on Friday or Saturday. Fifteen chapters plus an epilogue remain! Once again if you have any thoughts or comments I’d love to hear them. Thank you for continuing to read Bears Know Best!

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 21: First Birthday
 
THE NEXT MORNING I wasn’t sure whether I was really fourteen, or one… the decorations Mom had put up overnight in the kitchen were confusing! I blushed as I took a seat at the kitchen table, still in my pajamas, and looked at her. She looked to be catching up on more work, but she sat her laptop to the side and said, “Happy Birthday!” and came over to hug me.

“Thanks… I think,” I told her.

“Oh come on, I had to have a little bit of fun with this being your first birthday as a girl,” she told me with a wink. “I promise it’ll come down before your friends come over tonight.”

“Friends come over tonight?” I asked.

“I guess you have been a little out of it the last week… Alyssa, Danielle, and Breanna are coming over for dinner, along with Alyssa’s parents, and then if you want they can spend the night.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” I asked. I was excited that my birthday was actually going to be sort of a party. I didn’t really expect anything after the last week.

“Well… I just was worried about whether you were up to it or not?” She suggested.

I shook my head, “I don’t care if I am or not, I’ve been cooped up in that stupid hospital room for a week after just finally making some friends for the first time… They’ll stay over!” I assured her.

“Okay,” she told me. “They’re supposed to come over at five… why don’t you take care of stuff now, and then again about three so you don’t have to worry about it again tonight while they’re here?” she suggested. I wished I didn’t understand what ‘stuff’ was, but I did.

“Okay…” I said. A part of me wanted to cry about all of this still, but it wouldn’t do any good.

I stood back up and went upstairs to take care of ‘stuff’ after I got a glass of water. When I finished up I grabbed a cute skirt, a matching top, and headed towards the bathroom across the hallway. Mom was walking by right then and gave me a hug, “Your Dad is going to pick you up to take you to lunch in about an hour.”

I nodded. It seemed fair to give him some alone time with me since he was going home the next morning. I could feel my eyes start to mist up a bit about that, but I forced the tear glands to behave and said, “Okay.”

“Let me know if you need any help in the bathroom,” Mom told me.

I sighed, “I’ve been able to shower by myself the last few days just fine,” I told her a little exasperated.

“It’s my job to worry sweetie,” she told me.

“Alright Mommy,” I told her.

I gave her a hug and went into the bathroom. It was my first shower back in my bathroom and I was looking forward to it. Almost as much as being able to take a bath again in a couple months… I used my body soap for the first time since entering the hospital and was so grateful for it! I took time to really wash my hair, and just stood there with the water rushing over me for too long.

I could feel the water starting to cool a bit from the hot water heater running low, ‘Maybe I should get out…’ I admitted to myself. I patted myself dry and stared at my reflection in the tall mirror that hung on the door. As much of a pain as everything had been, and still would be, I was grateful I looked like a ‘normal’ girl now… I still had some swelling, and bruising was very much still there, but it seemed like it was fading quickly enough. ‘Hopefully by the time band camp starts I’ll look okay,’ I thought as I pulled up a pair of panties.

I got dressed and opened the door. Mom was standing next to the staircase like she had just walked upstairs. “Out finally?” She teased.

I nodded. “It felt so nice to have a shower in my own bathroom…” My mouth moved to make a large grin.

Mom returned my smile, “I can understand! You want me to do your hair?”

I thought for a second, “It’s my birthday, you definitely should!”

She laughed at me. “Okay, come on! Let’s get Princess Taylor’s hair done.”

I giggled at her overwhelming silliness, and we walked together to my dresser. She had me sit with my back to the mirror, and said, “I’ll be right back, hold on just a sec.”

She was gone for just a moment and came back with a box that she kept behind me, out of my sight. Mom plugged in my two curling irons and I became curious as to what she was going to do with my hair. I sat there patiently while Mom brushed my hair out, and began twisting parts of my hair with the curling iron, pulling on bits of my hair, using pins, and it all reminded me of my last visit to the salon to have my hair done before the show we went to.

I bit my tongue the whole time though. I didn’t want to deprive her of the fun of doing my hair in any way. I could tell she was having fun just because she couldn’t stop smiling… ‘that or she is making me look like a clown,’ I thought nervously. ‘My mother wouldn’t do that to me on my birthday though!’ I reassured myself.

Just when I thought she was done with my hair she started fumbling behind me for something else, and I could feel forks of some weird type of clip dig into my hair and head a little bit. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but I could definitely tell whatever was there was going to stay there. I thought that was the cadence of what she was doing, but she turned around one more time and began doing my makeup for me.

“Mommy I can do my own makeup,” I told her with a smile.

“I know,” she said with a cute smile of her own that I suddenly realized looked like mine, “but I really want to finish off your face before you see what I did with your hair.” She smiled. “Please?” She pled.

“Oh, alright!” I told her with mock exasperation.

She laughed and I felt a tingle go up and down my spine and goosebumps on my arms as she did my makeup for me. It was different than when the ladies at the salon did it, or Alyssa did it… She was my mommy… as weird as it was to think of her like that when I’d been attempting to grow up a boy, it seemed natural now. It really seemed so unfair that I hadn’t been able to grow up as a little girl and have moments like this all the way through my childhood.

‘Of course she still went and left me…’ I thought, though my anger was much more muted than it had been in the past.

“Okay, all done!” she said.

I stood up and looked at my reflection in my mirror, bringing up a hand to my mouth to cover my shock and giggles.

“So I really am a princess!” I said.

“Well, at least for today!” Mom said as she put her hands on my shoulders behind me.

She had done my hair much like it had been done the last time in the salon, but she had styled everything to go around a pretty glass tiara that she had put in my hair. It looked really cute, and I felt like a princess from a fairytale in that moment. The moment I had chosen to come live with her seemed like a distant memory, and I did the only thing I could to repay her… I turned around and hugged her as big as I’d ever hugged her.

“Thank you Mom,” I told her. I didn’t want to ruin my makeup, so I tried to force back the tears, “I love you so much,” I told her.

“I love you too,” she told me.

Before we could have a big crazy mother/daughter tearfest the doorbell downstairs rang.

“That’s probably your Dad,” she told me.

I looked down at the clock on my iPhone and gasped, “It’s already ten-thirty?”

Mom laughed at me, “You stayed in the shower forrrreeeever!”

“Do I look too silly like this?” I asked her, suddenly self-conscious about how I was going to look in public with the fairly obvious tiara.

“Why yes you do Princess, but it’s your birthday!” She smiled at me. “Now why don’t you find some shoes so you can go with your Dad, and we’ll do presents later with everyone at dinner.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Good girl,” Mom told me with a smile as she went downstairs to let Dad in. I found a pair of flats and went downstairs to meet him.

“Hi Daddy!” I said as I came up from behind him as he talked to Mom in the kitchen.

“Wow, I didn’t know I was dining with royalty today!” He kidded with me as he gave me a big hug. “Happy birthday Princess!”

“Thanks,” I told him.

“So where do you want to go for lunch?”

I shrugged, “I don’t care, maybe Mom knows of somewhere I haven’t been yet.”

She looked thoughtful for a second, before giving us the name of a restaurant in Erie that she thought we would enjoy. It was a long drive, but I could nap on the way there and back, and that actually seemed like a good idea. I’d also have my dad’s credit card with me for shopping, win/win!

“So how are you feeling today?” Dad asked as he began driving down the road to make our way to the freeway.

I shrugged, “Mostly okay I guess. This all kind of sucks to deal with Dad,” I told him.

He glanced over at me, “I’m sorry, if I could do anything to help you I would.”

“I know,” I said. “But, I don’t think there’s anything you can do… My body just has to heal at this point.”

He gave my hand a squeeze, and I smiled at him.

“So fourteen, huh?” He asked me with exaggeration. “It seems like just yesterday you were born…” he said.

I sighed, “Daddy, it was fourteen years ago, definitely not just yesterday!” I told him.

He laughed. “It feels like it to me.”

I smiled at him.

“So we’ve never really talked about what you wanted for your birthday…?” He suggested to me.

I shrugged, “My bike can count, can’t it?”

“I suppose, are you sure there’s nothing else you want?” He asked me, seriously.

I thought for a minute, “I don’t know, why don’t you surprise me with something?” I suggested.

He laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“I had this discussion with your mom, and she said that’s what you would say… and I agreed. Gift shopping for you would be so much easier if you would just act like the stuck up spoiled rich brats that most of my teammates have for kids…” He shook his head.

“Well,” I exaggerated, “I’m sure I can start acting like a spoiled little rich princess if you really want.” He laughed, “I think I want a pony, and then umm… lots of Barbies…” I racked my brain for something funny, “and…” I paused, “a puppy!”

He laughed more and shook his head. It was so nice to be back in the same place as him, I loved him so much. It was sad that I hated Rachel enough that I couldn’t put up with her to enjoy being with him. “Okay already, I did buy something already, to surprise you.” He said, “But, if you see anything else you want today let me know!”

I smiled back at him, “Okay.”

Dad and I talked animatedly all the way to Erie. Yeah, I’d been stuck with him in the hospital room for a week, but I hadn’t really been in the mood to have fun — or be fun. It had been mostly miserable for me there. Dad followed the directions I gave him through the GPS app I had for my iPhone, and we found the restaurant without any problems.

The waitress laughed at my tiara, “Birthday?” she asked.

I nodded, “My mom got it for me,” I told her with a smile.

“That’s cute, I have a collection of them at home too,” she told me. “Happy Birthday,” she said, “what would you like to drink?” she took our order and Dad and I began looking through the menu. It was mainly an Italian menu, and I ended up choosing a light ravioli dish to eat. I knew my appetite still was off, so there was no point in ordering anything larger. At the end of the meal the waitress came out with some of the other staff members and did the embarrassing pseudo-happy birthday type song. One of my teachers had once explained to me the ludicrous nature of it being illegal to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ because it was still copyrighted. That didn’t really matter to me at that moment though, because I was so red with embarrassment.

Dad and I left there and decided to go to the mall for a half-hour before heading back home. We’d never had a daddy/daughter date before, and that’s what the afternoon ended up being. I tried not to force him to go into too many clothing stores, but I saw a dress at one point I had to try on. He bought it for me without me even talking him into it. As we walked by Victoria’s Secret he shook his head, “I don’t ever want to know when you shop there…”

I laughed, “Okay, I won’t make you go bra shopping with me,” I held onto his hand as we walked through the mall. We eventually headed back out to his rental car and drove back to Conneaut. I felt no shame at taking a nap then though, I was feeling drained again already. I had definitely over done it with the mall!

Dad shook me awake when we got to my house, and I walked in. It was almost four already, and Mom reminded me that I needed to take care of stuff again before everything got started. I sighed, but went upstairs to get it taken care of. ‘I can’t imagine what this must be like for transgendered patients…’ I thought as I did the necessary deed to keep my opening from closing. It was time consuming, but I managed to think ahead enough to have my iPad and iPhone next to me. When I was finished I cleaned myself up and put on my new dress.

“Is that the new one?” Mom asked as I came downstairs.

“Uh-huh,” I said as I twirled around for her, “what do you think?”

“It’s cute!” She told me. True to her word, while I was out she had taken down the signs that made it seem like it was my first birthday as a girl.

My friends that were coming and Alyssa’s parents knew about me at this point, so that wouldn’t have been a big deal… but I appreciated Mom not rubbing it in everyone’s faces. “Is there anything I can do to help?” I asked her.

“Just sit down and let me take care of things,” she told me with a smile.

I shrugged and sat down on the couch next to Dad. I wasn’t sitting long though before the doorbell rang and I got up to let in Alyssa and her parents. “How are you feeling Taylor?” her mom asked as she gave me a hug.

“Better every day,” I answered with a smile.

“Happy Birthday!” Alyssa said as she handed me a wrapped box.

“Thanks Alyssa,” I told her with a smile. I led them all back down to the kitchen and was amused at the sudden appearance of a pile of presents on the breakfast bar counter top. I placed Alyssa’s gift next to the pile.

“Are you trying to be sneaky?” I asked Mom.

She just smirked at me before turning back to stir a pot. It smelled like she was cooking a roast and doing mashed potatoes with it. Mom had Alyssa and her parents sit down at the table and Dad joined them. I was just about to sit down myself when I heard the doorbell ring again. Breanna and Danielle both stood outside. Each had an overnight bag and a present in their hands.

“Happy Birthday Taylor!” Breanna told me, and Danielle echoed it as she came in. I led them down the hallway to the kitchen.

“Hi girls,” Mom told them. “Taylor, why don’t you show them the basement room, I figured it would be a good place for you guys to use for your sleepover.”

“Umm… okay,” I told her. I hadn’t really thought that through, but I would have thought we’d use my bedroom or the living room. Alyssa grabbed her bag too, and we opened the doorway to go downstairs.

Halfway down the stairs I noticed something didn’t seem quite right…

I gasped.

“Wow!” I exclaimed! The girls giggled behind me, and Mom and Dad both appeared behind me as well.

“Happy Birthday sweetheart,” Mom said.

“Thank you!” I told them.

While I was in the hospital the room had been completely painted, and redone. It took up the majority of the space beneath the house, so there was plenty of space down there to spread out. At one end there was now a large flat-screen TV and sound system, with a couple couches and some awesome looking beanbag chairs to sit in. The main area had my music stand setup, and filing cabinets for music along the wall. The coolest thing by far was all of the artwork that had been put up along the now multicolored walls. One wall was purple, another wall was orange, and the other two were a medium blue.

Without seeing it in person the colors would have sounded hideous, but with the ceiling still white it worked somehow. The orange in particular would have been overwhelming if I’d pictured it out of context! There were a variety of musical decorations along the walls, from famous horn players, to famous jazz musicians. They’d also framed some old music that was very beautifully ornamented, and hung it up on one wall. There was even a computer there that I figured Dad had hooked up for me to use while practicing like I had done back in Atlanta. That wasn’t all though; there was even a little snack bar area with a small refrigerator, a microwave, and a popcorn maker. It was officially the greatest place ever for a slumber party!

I gave them each another hug after I walked the walls, amazed at all they had done. “Thank you so much!” I told them.

“You’re welcome Taylor,” Mom said, “I’m surprised you didn’t come down here before now though,” she told me with a grin.

“I’m not allowed to play horn still for a few more days… I didn’t want to be reminded of that,” I said. Even then I looked longingly at my horn case that was sitting by the wall.

She squeezed me and said, “It’ll be soon, for now I need to go upstairs and get dinner onto the table!”

I smiled, “Thanks.”

Dad and my friends hung out with me downstairs for the next few minutes as we all looked over the walls, at the TV setup, and set their stuff down. It really was amazing, and I gave Dad another hug as we went back upstairs. I figured Mom had come up with the idea, but it seemed like something he would have been called in to do the grunt work on for me. “Alyssa’s dad helped out quite a bit too,” he told me as we parted to have a seat at the table.

I smiled at him, and went up to her dad, “I heard you helped downstairs?” I smiled brightly at him.

“A little,” he admitted.

With that I gave him a big hug and said, “Thank you!”

“You’re welcome Taylor.”

Dinner was fun with my friends able to be with me and hang out. I tried not to neglect Dad too much, but I think he understood. We had a great time talking about all sorts of things, and it felt like the week I’d been gone hadn’t existed at all. Really, it was hard to believe I’d only been friends with all of these girls for just a few short weeks. They were already better friends than any I’d ever had before. Once we’d cleared the dinner plates to the sink, and Alyssa’s mom and Breanna insisted they would clean them against my mom’s arguing, we sat down again for me to open my pile of presents.

I started with one from Mom that she pushed towards me first. “I’ve missed out,” she told me with a smile as I opened up the paper and discovered a Barbie Doll.

I laughed, “Okay, I guess I have missed out on this one,” I told her with a smile.

Thankfully the rest of my gifts were more age appropriate, so I didn’t feel an overwhelming need to crawl under a rock. Danielle gave me several small bottles of shower gel from Bath and Body Works, “I’d have gotten you bubble bath, but I know you’re stuck with showers for a while,” she told me sympathetically.

I hugged her and said, “Thank you!”

Breanna gave me four bottles of nail polish and a couple packets of nail art ‘stickers.’ “Those will be fun,” she assured me. “They won’t look as good as your nail lady does, but they’ll still be really cool.”

“Thank you Breanna,” I told her. “We’ll have to try them out tonight!”

She smiled at me.

Alyssa gave me a stuffed animal and a gift certificate to Justice. “I know it’s mostly really young for you, but you have to admit you find more there to wear than anywhere else.”

I blushed and smiled, “Thanks.”

Alyssa’s parents surprised me by giving me a package with an ‘IOU’ in it for a cycling trip in September. “We’re going to be doing a few races here and there in the next month, but we know it’s not something you’ll be able to do for a while. Hopefully by then you’ll be able to ride for this trip.” They explained it was a tour where we’d cycle sixty miles or so a day to different towns for five days. It sounded like a lot of fun! It was supposed to work out with one of the school breaks, so I wouldn’t have to worry about missing school. Not that I cared!

“Thanks!” I told them and gave them both a hug.

That brought me to the rest of my parent’s gifts. Dad gave me several gift cards that I had to assume were inspired by Rachel. They seemed more her taste than Mom’s. His biggest gift though, was a beautiful white gold pendant that had a ruby in it, and a pretty white gold chain to hold it.“Thank you Daddy,” I told him and gave him a hug.

“You’re welcome Taylor,” he said, and I noticed his eyes looked a little bit moist.

“Aren’t you going to put it on her?” Mom suggested with a smile.

I handed the box to him and turned around, smiling. He fumbled with the necklace for a moment and then I saw his hands move in front of me. I pulled my hair up off my neck to make it to where he could clasp it. “There,” he said.

I gave him another hug and sat down to open the rest of my presents. There were three boxes left for me to open. The first one I opened had more nail polish in it than I thought I would ever be able to use. They said they were from Sephora on them, and I loved the variety of colors that she had given me. All told there were ten bottles in there, and some weird looking metal tools in there. “They’re nail art brushes,” Mom told me.

“They don’t look like brushes…” I commented. “I remember her using them at the salon though,” I added. “Thank you,” I said with a smile.

The next box contained a cute top and another gift card to Justice. Alyssa, Breanna, and Danielle were all amused that I was stuck with Justice gift cards, but I just stuck my tongue out at them. “Their clothes fit me, unlike all the other stores…” I told them, blushing.

Alyssa stood up and gave me a hug, “We’re just giving you a hard time Taylor. You’re short enough you really don’t have a lot of options.”

“Gee, thanks for making me feel better,” I told her, but I did grin a little bit to let her know I wasn’t mad at them.

That left one smaller box from Mom for me to open. It was a square box that was about five inches by five inches, and not very tall. Inside I found a bracelet with wide links and three little bits attached to it. “It’s a charm bracelet,” Mom explained to me.

I looked at the charms that were attached to it smiled. One was a French horn which I fingered and looked at in amazement. It was pretty, and accurate too with all of the wraps in the right spots — it was even a ‘double horn’ like I owned. There was a treble clef charm with a small ruby in the middle of the tail, and finally a heart charm that was engraved. I read the engraving, To my beautiful daughter Taylor, I love you very much, Mom. The inscription brought tears to my eyes and I gave her a tearful hug, followed by a hug for everyone else that was present.

“Thank you all,” I told them.

“You’re welcome Taylor,” was the general response.

“Everyone ready for cake?” Mom asked. As everyone nodded to the affirmative she began slicing up an ice cream cake she had bought from Dairy Queen and passing out slices.

I just had a very thin slice, and wasn’t even able to finish it. “I hate my appetite right now,” I told my friends sitting next to me.

“It’s not a bad thing!” Breanna told me with a smile.

“Except you’re probably already too skinny?” Danielle asked.

I nodded, “I was sixty-three pounds before I went into the hospital. I was down to sixty when they weighed me the other day.”

“Geeze, I wish I was as skinny as you are,” Breanna told me.

“Not at the height you are,” I mentioned.

“True.”

The four of us continued to talk and nearly ignored the parental units until Dad and Alyssa’s parents decided it was time to leave. “Are you going to come by before you go to the airport tomorrow?” I asked him.

He smiled at me. “I’ll be by to have breakfast with you here before I leave,” he assured me.

I gave him a really big hug, “I love you so much, thank you for everything.”

“I love you too Taylor, and nothing can or will ever change that.”

As he left I was already missing him. The girls distracted me quickly though, dragging me downstairs to begin our sleepover. We spent the first part of the evening dancing to some CDs they brought over, well about ten minutes for me before I was too tired. I watched the others dance for a while longer and sang along to the songs; before we put on pajamas and settled down to watch some movies. Alyssa had brought over Breaking Dawn Part 1, I hadn’t seen it yet, and I was curious to see if it was any better than the first three movies.

“You know, other than the guys being sort of hot, the first three movies sucked,” I told them.

“I know, I mean Jacob is cute and all, but the movies were nowhere near as good as the books on the first three movies.” Breanna said.

We all nodded. “This one is better,” Alyssa assured me.

“I’m kind of sick of movies, I hope this one is good!” I said as we watched the credits roll. In the end I did enjoy it much more than the first three. This movie followed the books a bit better, and the parts that didn’t seemed to actually add stuff. What I did find happening though at the end of the movie was that I was getting tired.

“You look like you’re about to fall asleep birthday girl!” Danielle told me.

I nodded, “I hate this whole last week! It has been awful…I hurt, I haven’t felt good, and I’m always feeling like sleeping!”

They nodded at me.

“Do you want to call it a night?” Breanna asked, concerned.

I sighed, “Why don’t we put another movie on after we was our faces and stuff?” I suggested. “You three are welcome to stay up and talk, I have a feeling I’ll be out here soon though,” I admitted reluctantly.

In the end all four of us got ready for bed and climbed into our sleeping bags. “No funny business when I pass out!” I said with a smile.

“This’ll be the one exempt time!” Danielle admitted to me.

“I’ll take it.” I said with a tired smile. “Thank you all for coming and being my friends,” I told them. The movie they put in was something I couldn’t even remember the next day because I was out in the first five minutes. About the only thing I remembered was the whispers that continued long past when I closed my eyes and gave up my battle to stay awake.

 
Thanks for reading, if you have a moment please leave a comment!

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 22: Goodbyes and Time
 
THE NEXT MORNING I was shaken awake by Mom, before anyone else, “Taylor, you need to wake up and take care of ‘stuff.’”

I groaned, but she succeeded in getting me to go upstairs and begin on my regular care… It sucked, as usual.

By the time I showered, she had breakfast on the table and we woke the other girls up. Dad chose that moment to show up. I gave him a hug, “Good morning Daddy,” I told him.

“Morning Princess,” he told me as he kissed the top of my head.

We all sat down and dug into the variety of breakfast food that Mom had put together. She had set out scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, hash browns, toast, and cut fruit onto the breakfast bar for everyone to dig into.

“How come you’re already dressed?” Breanna asked while munching on a piece of fruit.

I sighed, “This surgery requires some… umm… care of the area.” I said.

She raised her eyebrows and I heard her breathe, “Ouch!” I guessed Alyssa had kicked her under the table.

“I’ll tell you sometime, not at the breakfast table with my Dad here,” I said. He knew about it, but he was every bit as uncomfortable about it as I was.

I had intentionally sat next to Dad as we ate breakfast, and found myself just being quiet and sad about him leaving. It seemed like just five minutes later the two of us were standing outside next to his rented car. “Be a good girl,” he told me as he hugged me. “Hang in there, and I think this will all be fine. You have some really great friends already… and I’ll see you in a few weeks,” he assured me.

I was crying as I hugged him, “I love you Daddy,” I told him. “I wish you didn’t have to go,” I added.

“I know sweetie,” he said. “You know you can always come back with me…”

I shook my head, “Daddy, I love you so much, but I will not live in the same house as Rachel.”

“I really wish you two could get along,” he sighed, just as upset about it as I was.

“I know,” I said guiltily.

“Maybe when you come visit you two can work things out.” He told me hopefully.

I wanted to make a comment about Hell freezing over first, as an ode to the way I’d been raised the first thirteen years of my life, but I was nice and nodded, giving an unconvincing, “Maybe.”

He gave me one more big hug, kissing me on the top of my head, before getting into the car and driving off. I was wiping away my tears as I walked back inside to my friends. They saw I was crying and all of them gave me a group hug and worked to make me feel better. They used my bathroom and Mom’s bathroom to shower and got ready for the day. Other than Alyssa, everyone was gone by noon.

“So what are you going to do now?” Alyssa asked me.

I shrugged, “Not sure, I kind of feel like a nap…” I admitted.

She gave me a hug, “Let me know if you want to come over and do something later.” She told me and made her own exit after collecting her stuff.

I ended up napping off and on over the next few days, but gradually began to feel more like myself. By Friday I was excited to have permission from the doctor to attempt to play horn again. I was to take it easy still, but I was allowed to see if it was painful or not. Truth be told, I didn’t care if it was! It hurt at first, but I soon found that playing a bit softer and adjusting my posture on the donut made it bearable. ‘I’m just glad my teacher can’t see the way I’m sitting!’

I spent three straight hours practicing Friday morning before I was startled with a tap on my shoulder. “Ack!” I fairly screamed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Alyssa told me.

I turned towards her and said, “Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting anyone.”

“I know, you had been ignoring your text messages so I decided to come see if you were home or not.” Mom had decided it was a good idea for Alyssa to know the code to get into the garage in case she couldn’t get a hold of me during the days… She was worried about me.

“Sorry,” I told her. “I’m still not used to…”

She gave me a hug carefully around my horn, “I know. I still can’t believe you didn’t have tons of friends down there though.” She told me with a smile.

I smiled at her.

“So are you just practicing all day?”

I shrugged, “I was having withdrawals from practicing,” I blushed a bit as I said it. The other kids at my old school used to laugh and make fun of me when they found out how much time I spent practicing.

Alyssa smiled at me, “I guess I can understand that. How are you feeling otherwise?”

I shrugged, “Mainly bored. I think I’m starting to feel like I can get out and do other things again, but I still keep getting tired easily it seems.”

“You want to go for a walk?” she suggested.

I looked down at my horn, knowing it would still be there later, and said, “Sure.”

I went upstairs and found my key and iPhone before the two of us set off to walk down the street a bit. We went maybe about half of the distance of our running circuit before turning back around to return home. Along the way we talked about her plans for the weekend. “So you’re going to race this weekend?” I asked.

She nodded excitedly, “Hopefully I can keep up with the others,” she mentioned with a smile.

“Where’s this one at?”

“Down in Cincinnati,” she told me.

“How long are you guys going to be gone?” I asked. I tried not to let the sadness in my voice carry through to her.

She looked at me worriedly, but said, “We’re leaving tomorrow morning, and coming back Tuesday.”

“I hope you do well,” I told her. We talked about the different things they had planned on their trip, and it sounded like a blast. I was feeling insanely jealous that her family did so many cool things as a family. About the only time I could ever remember doing anything ‘as a family’ in the last eight years was the trip to the zoo a couple weeks ago.

The two of us had reached my house again and I really didn’t know what to do with myself for the rest of the day. “Do you want to come help me pack?” Alyssa asked.

I shrugged, “Sure, I don’t have anything else to do.”

I ended up hanging out at her house for the rest of the afternoon before having to go home. The two of us had fun deciding which outfits she should be taking on the trip, and making fun of some things in her closet that needed to go! About five o’clock, Mom sent me a text message that she was on her way home to go get some dinner together.

“Good luck!” I told Alyssa as I gave her a hug.

“I’m sure it’ll be fun no matter what,” she mentioned.

“I’m glad you’re excited,” I told her knowingly. I walked the short distance over to my house after that and hit the bathroom before Mom would get home.

‘I never even put any makeup on this morning…’ I thought to myself as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I heard the door open downstairs and close, and decided I probably should just ignore it for now. I also noticed that the wind pants and the camisole weren’t exactly making a great fashion statement either. ‘Do we have to go out?’ I whined loudly to myself as I made my way downstairs.

“You ready?” Mom asked me. I tried not to give her too much of a glare, but apparently I failed.

“Are you okay Taylor?”

I sighed, ‘Not fair that she can tell…’ I thought as I responded, “I’m fine… I guess.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Do we have to go out?” I asked.

“Why wouldn’t we?” She asked me. “I figured after not doing much for the last two weeks you’d like to go do some shopping in Erie after dinner.” She was testing the waters then.

For some unexplainable reason I suddenly burst into tears. I really didn’t understand why, it just happened. Mom was there in an instant, wrapping her arms around me. “Shh…” she told me, “It’s okay Taylor.”

It took me five minutes before I had control of myself. “Mom why am I crying?!? I’m not even that upset about anything!” I told her.

“Well… there could be a bunch of reasons for it Taylor, including stress,” she assured me. “It’s not like you haven’t had a billion reasons to be upset in the last few months!” she smiled at me then.

I nodded.

“So what set this off?” She asked now that the bomb had gone off and cleanup was possible.

“I really don’t know… I just wasn’t happy with the way I was dressed, and had no makeup on, and…” I bit my lip because I could feel another cry-fest threatening to make its’ way to the surface.

“Shh…” She smiled at me after giving me another hug. “If that’s all it is, let’s go upstairs and find something else for you to wear. I’ll even do your hair and makeup for you real quick if you want.”

I bit my lip even harder in response, as that made me feel worse and I loved that she was willing to do all of those things for me. At the same time I felt like some sort of helpless little kid too, ‘what in the world is wrong with me…?’ I took a moment to take in a deep breath before nodding and saying, “Okay.”

She followed me upstairs and asked, “Can I choose?” with a bit more excitement than I should have been comfortable with.

I nodded.

“Why don’t you go wash your face off real quick?” she suggested.

So it was that twenty minutes later we were in the car on the way to Erie. She’d found a pair of shorts that I hadn’t worn yet, along with a multi-colored top with teals, blues, and purples, which had ruffles coming down a long v-neck line and capped sleeves. It was pretty, but I hadn’t worn it yet as it seemed to cross some sort of line in my brain of ‘too girlie.’ I had caught my reflection on the way out of my bedroom and admitted I looked pretty. ‘Much better than before…’ I thought to myself.

So it was that we were able to get to Erie just before seven that night and were sitting in the lobby of a chain restaurant waiting for a table. Mom and I hadn’t been talking much, so I just kind of people watched. I noticed two boys with their parents across the room doing some people watching of their own… or I should say some Taylor watching… I blushed when I figured out they were checking me out. I decided to stare back at them and see if I could join in the sport that Alyssa had taught me. Sure enough they turned bright red and looked anywhere but at me!

I giggled a bit. “Be nice Taylor,” Mom looked over at me and whispered.

“Sorry, Alyssa told me that was fun to do.”

“Just because it’s ‘fun’ doesn’t mean that it’s nice,” she reminded me.

I sighed and caught another interesting bit of conversation right next to me on my left. “So when does your marching camp start up again?” The lady, probably the guy’s wife, asked.

“A week from Monday,” he told her.

That reminded me; we were supposed to be starting up with our camp then too! I looked over at the man’s shirt and saw it was a Conneaut band shirt.

“Mom, I think that might be my new band director,” I whispered to her.

She nodded and said, “I think it is, I recognize him from bringing some kids to play at a charity event this last year.” She paused, “Do you want to introduce yourself?”

I didn’t really have much need to at that point though, because the woman noticed the charm bracelet I had on my wrist. “I love your bracelet,” she told me.

“Thanks,” I said nervously.

“Do you play horn?” She asked.

I nodded, “I’ve been playing for several years now.”

“Where do you go to school?” She asked curiously.

“Well… actually I just moved up here from Atlanta, and will be going to school in Conneaut,” I told her with a bit of a blush.

“I see you’ve figured out I teach there,” the man said with a smile. “I’m Mr. Brandt,” he introduced himself.

“Taylor Landt,” I said. He noticed the similarity in last names and he seemed to grin a bit at that.

“You play horn? Really?” He asked with way more glee than I would have expected about that though.

I nodded, “Yes sir I do.”

“That’s amazing!” I looked at him quizzically, “Horn players always move away, never in!” he explained with a smile.

“Well my neighbor, and best friend, will also be going to high school and playing horn this year too,” I told him.

“Alyssa?” He asked.

I nodded.

“Cool!” The pager in Mom’s hand started blinking. “Say, if you want to stop by and pick up the show music for this year, I’ll be in the office Tuesday and Wednesday morning. We can also go ahead and sign out a horn to you.” He seemed a little cautious, “Hopefully I have one that will work for you, I wasn’t really expecting a new horn student to move in this year, I know I have a marching horn that will work… I may have to get a concert horn from the junior high or something.”

“Don’t worry about the concert horn,” I told him with a smile. “I have my own.”

I watched his jaw drop. “Really?”

“Really,” I told him with a smile as I stood up and shook his hand, “It was nice to meet you Mr. Brandt.”

Mom and I followed the hostess to our table a second later, and I commented to Mom, “That was random.”

She shrugged, “It’s pretty normal in this area to discover it’s a small world.”

I thought about that for a second and nodded. I ended up ordering an Alfredo Chicken dish, and was surprised to see on my iPhone that it was already almost eight when we walked out of the restaurant. “There’s not much time left to shop,” I mentioned to Mom.

“We’ll go to the mall first and then to Kohl’s,” she suggested.

I nodded, “Kohl’s is open till ten, right?”

“Yep!” she said excitedly. It had never really occurred to me, but her life had been just as much on hold the last weeks as mine had. We didn’t have nearly enough time to properly troll the mall, but we both walked out with a couple new tops by closing time. Kohl’s was a slightly more successful spot for Mom than it was me that day. She found a couple new dresses she could wear to the office on sale.

About the only success we had for me was pair of cute flip-flops that I could wear around the house or at the beach if I ever went there with the girls. I had missed a few of those trips due to being in the hospital, and there wasn’t much in the way of time left. I still wouldn’t be able to go in the water, but at least I could go hang out with my friends.

We returned home just after eleven and there wasn’t any doubt in my mind I was heading straight towards bed. I still felt like I was in an odd mood as I went to bed that night, but thankfully sleep erased all thoughts of mood for me.

 
THE WEEKEND PASSED with nothing of interest happening. I went for a walk with Mom in the mornings, and practiced horn when I returned. Danielle and Breanna convinced me to go to a movie with them Sunday afternoon. It had been an enjoyable afternoon, and the three of us just had fun together. I really could see myself getting attached to the two girls as my own friends, but it wasn’t the same as my friendship with Alyssa. I really felt like I understood the term ‘BFF’ much better now.

Along the way through the weekend I had a couple more unexplainable crying fests. The kicker for me was Sunday night when I found myself crying over not being able to find the pair of earrings I wanted to wear the next day to my appointment. Mom was there the whole time, and I got the feeling she wasn’t surprised to see the weekend continue like that. I decided maybe it was because I was getting the flu or something, because my stomach didn’t feel all that great.

Monday morning Mom knocked on my door and said, “Taylor it’s time to get up and get ready to go into Cleveland.”

I felt the same stomach issues as I got up, ‘At least I’m seeing a doctor today,’ I thought grimly to myself. Thankfully we had already chosen a skirt and a top for that day, or I might have said forget it and worn my pajamas. As I sat to go to the bathroom I pulled down my pajama shorts and panties and looked ahead. It was when I reached for a wad of toilet paper to wipe myself that I found myself screaming.

There was a bunch of blood in my panties, ‘Am I going to bleed to death?’ I asked myself in a panic.

There was a knock on the door, “Are you okay Taylor?” Mom asked over my sobs.

“No, I think something is wrong, I have blood everywhere!” I told her.

Thankfully I never locked the bathroom door, so she opened it, took one look at my underwear, and gave me a hug. “It’s okay Taylor,” she told me.

“No it’s not, look at that!” I told her. “Something must have gone wrong…”

I wanted to hit her right then, she was smiling.

“Taylor, something did go wrong,” she told me with that same smirk.

“Then why are you smiling?” I asked.

“Well, if this something had gone right I would be wondering who you had been sneaking off and had sex with.” She said, causing my face to burn in redness.

It was then that it dawned on me. “You mean…?” I asked.

“Yes Taylor, you’re bleeding because you’re not pregnant. And,” she said with a stern face, “you are to remain in that state for many years!” she smiled as she said that.

“Eeww…” I complained. “It’s worse than I thought.”

Mom just laughed at me.

“Taylor, go ahead and get your shower,” she told me as she opened the bottom cabinet below the sink, “and stick this in your panties when you get out.”

I glared at the item, and her, for several seconds. I’d had to use some maxi pads for the first week after the surgery, but this was the first time I’d be using a maxi pad for my… period. I couldn’t help but notice the ‘heavy flow’ on the box she had pulled it from. “I have to deal with this every month?” I complained.

“Well, it may be awhile before you get that regular sweetie, but yes.” She gave me a hug and I threw the offending panties and shorts into the hamper.

I only had one thought as I showered, and it was about my first period… I guess they had done the surgery in the nick of time. I felt so gross though that I seemed to scrub at my skin with the loofa even more than I normally did. I was supposed to have dialated again that morning, but only remembered as we drove towards town.

“Mom I forgot to do something this morning,” I said embarrassed.

She thought for a moment and asked, “The pad?”

I shook my head, “No, I put that in my panties.” I breathed, “It feels so weird by the way,” I told her.

She laughed, “Well, maybe in a few months you can switch to tampons instead. I think that’s what most of your friends probably use,” she told me.

“Anyway… no I forgot the other thing,” I told her.

“This is the first time you’ve forgotten, right?” She asked.

I nodded.

“Then it should be okay. Dr Wenger should be able to tell us more for certain, but I have a feeling you are about to the point that you should be able to decrease the times you’re doing that.”

“I hope so,” I muttered. I really didn’t look forward to that and dealing with blood at the same time.

She reached over and squeezed my hand, “Taylor, it will be fine.”

Moms are always right, of course. Dr. Wenger had me up on a table with stirrups on it, and examined everything. She told me I would only need to continue with once a day for the next few weeks and she thought I would be okay to stop.

“Why do I get to stop doing it so early?” I asked nervously. I’d read about transgender patients needing to do it for a year or more.

“Because you’re really a girl Taylor, everything for you was already setup right. Like I’ve told you before, you only had a malformed vagina. That looks to be healing just fine and you don’t have to worry about anything other than keeping that opening skin from sticking together. From what I can see you are actually past the point of that being a worry, but we’ll keep it up daily for a while just to be safe.” She assured me.

“Oh,” I said dumbly.

She smiled at me, “I can understand your worry. Actually, I’m amazed by the coincidence of us having this appointment on the day of your first discharge.”

I nodded. “Everything’s okay though, I’m not going to bleed to death?” I asked.

She shook her head, “Nope, you’re just going to have to get used to this monthly issue though.”

‘Great.’ I told myself. Dr. Wenger spoke with us for a good long while before we left. In that time she told me the same thing Mom had, that I probably should hold off on tampons for a few months still. I wasn’t complaining, I’d already grown tired of putting things up there; the idea of having one more thing to put in there was not something I looked forward to.

Mom and I left the hospital that day and went straight to the milkshake place without her asking me anything. “I figured you could use it,” she told me with a smile.

I smiled weakly back at her and the two of us were soon sipping on milk shakes. “I remember my first time,” Mom told me while we waited for food to come out. “I was more freaked out than you were,” she assured me. “Mom had been expecting it for some reason though, and helped me through it.”

“She’d been expecting it?” I asked. I thought back to her reaction this morning and wondered if she had been today too.

“Yes, see I’d been crying uncontrollably the couple days beforehand…” she admitted with a smile.

“So you knew I was going to have mine?” I asked with a shock.

She nodded, “It’s one of the signs.”

It was then that I remembered how soaked my pad had been when we got to the doctor’s office, and suddenly felt like I was ‘wetter’ down there than I should be. “Umm… Mom, I think I need to go to the bathroom,” I told her.

“Will you be okay?” She asked, concerned.

“I think so,” I said. I picked up my purse and made my way into the bathroom. I pulled out the soggy pad from my panties and figured it must have been really close to leaking. After I put a new one in I looked in the mirror at the back of my skirt to see if there was anything there, but it seemed alright. When I sat back down at the table my food was waiting. It was while I was eating that Mom proceeded to have one of the most embarrassing discussions in my life with me about everything I never wanted to know about periods. She even went so far as to tell me to make sure I had an extra pair of panties and pants with me on bad days.

After lunch we made a trip to Target on our way out of town to get a few brands of products to try and see what worked best for me. I felt sooo embarrassed and red as a boy stood in line next to us, and a cart full of feminine products being pushed by my mom. The fact that he was checking me out anytime he thought I wasn’t looking made it ten times worse. I didn’t feel like shopping that afternoon, so we headed straight home. I found that I once again was changing the pad, and tried a different brand to see if it would hold up any better. By dinner I was changing my skirt because of leak issues, and I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry that night.

Mom forced me to spend time with her in the living room watching a movie though, so alone time was not in the cards. To her credit I appreciated it when she brushed my hair for me and rubbed my back. It made me feel a little bit better. I took a second shower that night after dealing with a now daily task, as I felt gross from the task and everything else.

 
TUESDAY MORNING I felt slightly less crabby, and excited to see Alyssa come out for a walk with me that morning. She and her parents had driven in late Monday night and she was still excited from her weekend. Apparently she had won three trophies related to her weekend races that she’d participated in. I told her about meeting Mr. Brandt, and his offer to give me the music and a marching horn if we stopped by today.

“We should totally go do that!” she told me.

“Yeah.” I said with less enthusiasm than I should have had at the subject.

“What’s wrong?” She asked me.

“I just…” I blushed, “Apparently it’s a good thing they did the surgery, because I had my first period start yesterday.”

“Oh my God that’s awesome Taylor!” she told me with a smile.

I glared at her. “Why does every other girl keep saying that?”

“Well it’s disgusting, horrible, and makes you feel crabby and emotional,” Alyssa admitted, “But, that means you can have kids, isn’t that kind of cool?” She asked.

I nodded, “I guess. I don’t even know what you’re supposed to do with a baby,” I told her.

“Well duh, you’re not going to have one right now!” She told me. “I mean, I am not going to hang out with a friend who’s getting knocked up all of the time,” she giggled, and that set me off too.

When we returned from our walk Alyssa showed me her trophies from the weekend. One of them in particular seemed pretty big, and said, ‘First place fourteen and under girls.’

“Cool,” I told her. “I wish I could ride right now, not that I could keep up with you in a race.”

“Next year you probably can,” she assured me. “How long until the doctor thinks you can ride again?”

“I’ve got another appointment towards the end of August. She seemed to think she could release me for that then. She only released me for marching band next week, yesterday.”

“Speaking of marching band, let’s get my mom to take us to the high school!” she told me.

“Well, let me grab my horn case really quick so I can get my mouthpiece out of there if I need it.” I said, forcing myself to be a bit more excited and happy than I felt. I also needed to go to the bathroom and change my pad again. I was wearing a pair of denim shorts that came down just below my fingertips, and a plain green v-neck stretch t-shirt as a top. I didn’t feel like wearing anything nicer that day with the way I felt.

As soon as I had grabbed my horn from downstairs I walked back over to Alyssa’s place to see her mom already had the garage door open. I climbed into the back with Alyssa and held my horn case on my lap. “That’s your horn Taylor?” she asked me. She was surprised because it was a different case than Alyssa had for her school horn. I loved having a horn that had a removable bell because it made the case much easier to haul around. My case even had backpack straps and a pocket where I kept a folder of music. Compared to the hard shell case that Alyssa had to haul around with her fixed bell it was a lot easier!

“Yep!” I said.

“How does it fit in there?” She asked curiously as we drove down the road. I went into a ten minute explanation on my horn and how it worked. “That’s really neat, maybe we should look into doing that for Alyssa…” she said thoughtfully. I knew her parents had some decent money, but I would be surprised if they could make a purchase like that without thinking about it first. Mine had run about five thousand for the horn and the case. What I really wanted was a custom horn like my former teacher had, and it seemed like my new teacher had as well. All of the major horn players had moved away from the major manufacturers to companies that were doing smaller runs and handcrafting everything.

It seemed like no time had passed and we were pulling up to the high school. I could see Mr. Brandt outside with some other kids spraying the parking lot with paint. It looked like he was painting on a fresh set of lines to a practice football field. Alyssa’s mom parked away from where they were painting. I hooked my arms through the straps of my case and walked towards him with Alyssa and her Mom. He looked up from the little green paint striper he was using and saw us.

“Hi there,” he said. It looked to me like he had just done the final yard line and we might have hit him at a good time. The other kids waved at us as well and it looked like they recognized Alyssa.

“Hi,” I heard Alyssa say at the same time as me.

“Taylor, right?” he asked. I was really impressed that he remembered my name!

“Yes sir,” I told him politely.

“And Alyssa, right?” she nodded as well and her mother introduced herself.

“This is Cameron, Julie, and Hannah,” Mr. Brandt introduced the three older high schoolers to us. “They’re the drum majors for this year and are helping me get ready for next week,” he explained.

“Nice to meet you,” Hannah said to me as she stuck out her hand. The others did so as well, but I definitely noticed Cameron seemed a little awkward as he looked at me. ‘Great, another looker,’ I thought to myself annoyed. ‘At least he’s sort of cute,’ a voice in the back of my head said and I felt mortified!

“You wanted to get a marching horn and the music?” Mr. Brandt asked.

“If you don’t mind,” I told him.

We followed him inside to the band room and I found myself inside an older room that had risers built-in to the room. He led us over to a closet where he pulled out two battered and worn cases that seemed to be gigantic. “Cameron, can you go get the valve oil off my desk, and can you grab two horn parts to everything Hannah, please?” he asked.

He opened the cases one at a time and pulled out instruments that looked like they were at least as old as my parents, and were just as beaten as the cases that held them. I watched him use valve oil on both of the instruments to get the valves moving, and he finally handed one to each of us to hold and try out. I shrugged my case off of my shoulder and grabbed my main mouthpiece out of the pocket. As I did so the three of them, Alyssa’s a mom, and Mr. Brandt got a look at my horn.

“Oh my God, that’s so pretty!” Julie said to me.

“Thanks,” I said and blushed a bit. I put the mouthpiece on the clunker and glanced at the first piece that was on top of the pile that Hannah had given me. As I sight-read through it quickly I could feel their gazes intensify.

“Wow.” Cameron said. “She’s going to be in wind ensemble, right Mr. Brandt?”

“If we can keep her here…” he breathed.

I read through another of the pieces really quick, but kept having problems with a valve sticking. “Just my luck I get the most talented horn student I’ve ever seen, and don’t have a decent horn to give her,” he said with a sad shake of his head.

“Alyssa is pretty good too,” I said, not letting her shrink into the background.

“Not that good Taylor,” she said back.

“What’s the chance we could hear you on your actual horn?” Mr. Brandt asked curiously.

I sighed, “I’m a bit rusty right now, I wasn’t able to play for two weeks,” I told him as I pulled it out. I played a few of the things I had played for Mr. Fark nearly a month ago, and felt like I must have just shot any chances of being normal to Hell in a span of fifteen minutes.

“Destiny is going to have trouble adjusting to not being the best anymore,” I heard Hannah mutter to Julie.

“Well, I don’t think you’re going to have any problems playing the stuff here,” Mr. Brandt said. The rest of them shook their heads as to state that much was obvious. “Are you taking lessons anywhere yet?” he asked. “I know of a good teacher in Erie…”

He stopped though when he saw my nod, “I’m working with Mr. Fark in Cleveland.”

“Well then…” he stuttered, “I guess you’re in good hands.” All except Alyssa and her mom didn’t quite follow that one, but the Mr. Brandt smiled at me. We stayed for about twenty more minutes and talked to Mr. Brandt and the three drum majors. They all seemed pretty cool, and I had a feeling I would get along with them just fine. On the way home though, with both of the junky horns in the back, I got an idea in my head that I wanted to check on.

Mom was still at work when I walked home from their house carrying my horn on my back, and the marching horn in my hand. It weighed as much as I did I was sure, and I struggled a bit to get inside. “I hope I don’t cause myself any problems…” I thought.

Alyssa had some chores to do, so she stayed at her place and I began working on my idea. The internet was my friend as I began looking at a few companies’ websites and found what I was looking for, a new horn! They were running about fifteen-hundred apiece for silver plated, and a bit less for brass colored. The one from the school was silver, so I guessed most of their horns probably would be too. I looked in my purse for my credit card and ordered two. I was not going to play on those junky horns, and Alyssa didn’t need to be either!

 

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 23: Bikini Time
 
WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON ALYSSA called me to tell me that we were all going to the beach on Thursday morning. I could tell that there was going to be no negotiating with her! That left me trying to decide which bikini of the three I had I was going to wear. Fortunately my flow had lightened up considerably by Wednesday afternoon, and Thursday morning there was just a small spot in the pad from all night. I decided for safety’s sake to wear a thin pad just in case, but hoped it wouldn’t show through my suit.

Breanna’s mom had volunteered to take us and make sure we weren’t too crazy with anything. Her youngest daughter was sitting in the middle seat of the van in her car seat when she pulled up to our house. Breanna was up front, her little brother sat in the back corner of the third row of seats, and Danielle sat in the seat next to her Breanna’s younger sister. It was then that I noticed there was only one other seat that didn’t have a high backed booster seat.

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Alyssa asked me with a smile.

I shook my head, “You’ll never get your rear into it,” I joked with her.

She stuck her tongue out at me.

“Oh, I meant to take that out earlier,” Breanna’s mom said when she realized the problem. “Give me just a second and I’ll find a place to stash it.” As she said this though, I didn’t see where else she could possibly fit it. The back was filled with bags, a cooler, and Alyssa and I had our own beach bags over our shoulders.

“It’s okay,” I told her, “I don’t really see any other place for you to put it. I’m below the weight and height limits probably for it anyway,” I laughed at my own expense to hide my dying embarrassment. I sat down in the seat and pulled the seatbelt across my lap. I felt like I was six years old again…

“Thanks,” her mom told me.

When we got to the beach her mom said, “It’s nice to see you again Taylor. Sorry about the car seat.”

“It’s okay; I sat in them till way too recently…” I blushed.

She gave me a hug and the seven of us walked down to the beach and claimed a spot on the sand to lay out our towels. I had no interest in going into the water before we got there, and afterwards I still didn’t, even if the doctor would allow me. Breanna’s little sister and brother had no intentions of staying dry though on the hot day, and I watched as little Kaylie, who was five, had to be all but held down to keep her from running straight out into the water. As soon as she got knee deep into the water though, she did a funny hop back out of the water!

I didn’t blame her, I was sure it was cold! My rule with water was if it wasn’t in Florida I wasn’t getting in! Too cold otherwise!

The four of us put sunscreen on each other’s backs and lay out on towels to sunbathe. I listened to various bits of gossips get passed back and forth, and the time seemed to pass quickly before we had a picnic lunch that Breanna’s mom had put together.

“So this is your last week off?” She asked us.

I nodded, “Band practices start Monday morning.”

“I’m scared of doing marching band,” Breanna said aloud.

“It’ll be fun!” Alyssa said.

“I hope so,” Danielle said, “I’m going to be so busy with trying to do cheerleading and band. I hope it’s worth doing both,” she said.

“It will be!” I told her.

We stayed at the beach for a couple more hours, and spent more time than my poor brain could handle watching boys walk down the beach. Several groups came and chatted us up, but we gave them fake numbers and laughed at them when they were gone.

“That one guy was totally into you,” Alyssa insisted as we packed up.

“Yeah, but he was like ten!” I told her, more annoyed by the little kid hitting on me than being hit on.

Danielle laughed at me, “Well, he was still taller than you!”

“Harrumph,” I vocalized, and stuck my tongue out at her. It felt like salt on my wounds when I realized what that must have looked like to the others as I sat the booster seat the rest of the way home.

“You know, you still fit in that really well,” Alyssa said to me. The funny thing is I didn’t think she was teasing or being mean.

I sighed, “I know. It took me showing my dad research showing the age of eight was more important than the height and weight to get him to let me stop sitting in one of these.”

“What do you mean?”

“There’s a bone that begins to grow in your pelvic area as you get older, it keeps the seatbelt in place and keeps you from having the seatbelt slide around in a crash.”

“Huh,” Danielle said thoughtfully from in front of me. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, I had to come up with something, the idea of going to high school and still having to sit in a booster seat would be really embarrassing!” I told them.

Of course this opportunity could not pass without the phones coming out to get pictures of me in the seat. I pouted the rest of the way to my house about that. I walked into the house and it looked like Mom had just gotten home. “Hey Taylor, did you have a good time?” She asked.

I nodded, “except for the little boy hitting on me.” I said giggling.

“How little?”

“We figure he was about ten.”

Mom laughed, “What did you do?”

We talked for about ten minutes before I decided to go upstairs and take a shower to wash off the sand that had inevitably found a way onto me during the afternoon. When I pulled off my t-shirt and shorts, and then the bikini underneath I found my breath caught in my throat. I wasn’t burned, but I was definitely tanned in a definite bikini set of lines. ‘That’s my first bikini tan I guess…’ I thought to myself.

I actually kind of liked it as I hopped into the shower and turned the water on. ‘Ow!’ I screamed internally as the water hit a part of my skin that must not have had sunscreen on it as well. It was right at the top of my shoulder and hurt as the hot water ran over the burn. I washed quickly and put on a bathrobe to walk over to my room. It was only five-thirty or so, but I decided to put on a pair of pajamas.

“I’ve got dinner ready downstairs,” she told me from the doorway.

“Okay, I’ll be down in a moment,” I told her with a smile. I made a quick decision to make her smile, and pulled on the knee length, Tangled nightgown she had bought me a few weeks ago. ‘If it makes her smile it’ll be worth looking like I’m five!’ I thought. I headed downstairs with my damp hair cooling the back of my neck. I was pulling a hairbrush through it as I walked.

“There you are,” she told me as I sat down at the table. She’d made some sort of beef stir-fry and steamed rice. She smiled at me as she saw what I was wearing, but didn’t say anything.

“Thanks for making dinner.”

“You’re welcome,” she told me.

I sat my hairbrush down next to my plate and began to munch on the meal she had made. Everything tasted great, but the snow peas seemed to especially draw my attention. When I had finished my plate, Mom took it to the sink and washed it. “I can do that Mom,” I told her.

She just smiled at me. “I’ll take you up on that in another couple weeks, but for now I feel like doing it… besides, you’ve probably already worn yourself out today, am I right?”

I nodded. “Yeah, the sun took a lot out of me.” I admitted.

“Any sunburns?” she asked.

I blushed, “Yes, and I have quite the bikini tan going!” I told her.

She laughed, “Before you go to bed I’ll put some aloe on the burn so it heals a bit quicker.”

I just nodded.

“So what do you want to do for the rest of the night?” She asked me.

I shrugged, “I’m so tired of movies and sitting, but that’s about all I feel like doing,” I admitted.

She came around the table and hugged me. “I can understand that. It seems like you are doing more before getting tired now though,” she observed.

I nodded. I had picked the hairbrush back up and was running it through my hair again. “Why don’t you go find a movie to put on, and we’ll watch together?” She suggested.

I heard her making noises in the kitchen and the dishwasher starting up. I went through the movies and couldn’t decide on one to watch. I swore I had watched every single one in the last few weeks. I eventually came across a copy of Annie from the early eighties that I thought would be fun to watch with Mom. I remembered playing seven shows of the live version last year with a pit orchestra and remembered enjoying it. Mom came into the room then with a blanket, and something in her hands I had a feeling she was trying to hide. I had just started brushing through my hair again as she sat down.

“May I?” She asked as I pressed play on the menu.

I looked back and up at her where she sat behind me and nodded. She took the hairbrush from my hand and brushed my hair for a few minutes or so as the opening overture played with the credits. As I hummed along to Tomorrow, Mom kept playing with my hair. I was pretty sure she was braiding it into pigtails, but I didn’t complain. I was pretty sure I’d only seen the movie version once before, but it felt new since it had been a long time since I’d seen this version. It was pretty faithful to the original musical, and I think I enjoyed it because of that. As the last scene ended I found some tears in my eyes, but I was smiling.

I turned around and gave Mom a hug, “Thanks,” I told her.

“For what?”

“For being my mommy!” I answered in a high pitched voice, but meaning every word.

She squeezed me, and asked, “Well, what else do you want to watch?”

I shrugged, “I always pick, it’s your turn to pick!” I smiled at her. “Why don’t you pick something while I go to the bathroom?”

She smiled and said, “Okay,” and I went upstairs to use the bathroom. I could have used the downstairs bathroom, but I wanted to grab Allie to cuddle with during the movie. As I washed my hands I saw she had used some Disney Princess themed ribbon in my hair that matched the dark pink of the nightgown’s background. I giggled a bit as I went back downstairs and sat down next to Mom.

“So what are we watching?” I asked.

“Ever After?” she said cautiously.

“What’s that?”

“You really have missed out, haven’t you sweetie,” she said with an annoying shake of her head and a smile that was both cute and annoying. The bad part is it looked just like my smile! She and I looked so much alike.

“So…?”

“It’s like a grown-up version of Cinderella,” she explained.

“Oh… okay,” I told her.

She started the movie and I found myself leaning against her with her arms around me for the movie. I cuddled Allie so she wouldn’t feel left out, and watched a movie that I did enjoy quite a bit… once it got going. It seemed really slow to start!

When the movie ended I yawned, “That was good,” I told her.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. Time for bed?” She suggested. It occurred to me then that she had not once told me I had to go to bed since I had come to live with her. I’d never fought her on it either, but she was treating me as more of an adult like that than she had on my previous visits. ‘Maybe that’s because of our fight last summer…’ I thought guiltily.

She tucked me in that night, for the first time since I’d come home, and started to walk away. “Bedtime story?” I asked innocently.

Mom laughed at me, “I need to go to bed, tomorrow night?” she asked.

I nodded, “Okay,” and giggled a little myself.

That night I couldn’t help but reflect on all of the mean things I had said and done to her over the years since the divorce. It just didn’t seem fair that she was so nice to me still, given everything I’d done. I felt like being a sweet daughter for her was about the only way I could think to make it up, and I fully intended to avoid fighting with her if I could. ‘Not that I’ll be able to keep that up forever…’ I admitted to myself. I knew most of my friends fought with their mothers all of the time.

 
THURSDAY MORNING I woke up and regretted not putting aloe on my sunburn the previous night; it was absolutely irritating beyond belief as I took care of the daily care of my body before showering that morning. I went for a walk again with Alyssa before coming home and setting up to practice. I was supposed to have another lesson tomorrow, and I wanted Mr. Fark to see me be able to improve on things each time. It was more than slightly intimidating to think I was taking lessons with one of the best horn players in the country, if not the world!

I had just finished my warm-up routine when I heard the doorbell upstairs ring. I set my horn gently on the floor and hurried upstairs to see a UPS delivery man standing there.

“Taylor Landt?” He asked as I opened the door.

I nodded, “Yes sir,” I said politely.

“I have two boxes for you here,” he said and pointed to the two large boxes at his feet.

“Cool,” I said with a smile, knowing what was in the boxes. I had no idea how long it would take to ship them to me, two days was pretty quick!

“If you can just sign here?” He held out an electronic device for me to sign. As I signed for it I thought about something I needed to work on.

“Thanks,” he said with a smile.

I pulled the two boxes into the house and decided to take the contents out before throwing the boxes away. ‘I hope Dad doesn’t mind…’ I thought not for the first time since I’d placed the order Tuesday. Right away I could see cases that didn’t look like they had been manufactured in World War II or something, and I knew the instruments inside would have to be better. I carefully opened both cases to look inside at the shiny silver horns, but left them in their plastic wrap for the moment.

I decided downstairs would be a good place to keep them. ‘Hopefully Mom doesn’t freak out…’ I thought nervously. Dad probably wouldn’t mind or care, but Mom seemed to be unhappy that I had so much money in a bank account of my own. I think it was just a motherly worry. She probably worried that if I decided to start doing stupid stuff like drugs, I could pay for it and she would never know. Luckily for her I had no intention of ever doing anything like that. It was one of the reasons I was picked on so mercilessly at my last school.

‘What next…?’ I thought to myself as I sat them down.

I texted Alyssa, ‘Hey Alyssa, what are you up to?’

‘Not much, u?’

‘Practicing, you want to come and work on the marching band stuff together?’

‘Umm… sure (-:’

That done, I waited patiently for her to come over. I was a little surprised when she had the marching horn in her hand, but as long as she had her mouthpiece it should work I figured.

“Hey Taylor,” she said with a smile as I opened the door, “these things are heavy!” she complained.

“They’re also pieces of junk,” I added with a smile.

“Yeah…” she agreed.

She went downstairs with me, and I said, “So, how would you like to be another cool freshman like me next week and not have to play on that piece of junk?” I asked.

“Don’t you have the same junky type horn too?” she asked.

I smiled, “I have that one still, but I figured a better horn would be more fun.” I pointed at the two new cases that were sitting there.

“Wait a second…” she said with a bit of a gasp, “You mean you went off and bought your own horn…” she shook her head, “No, that doesn’t surprise me, you mean you bought two of them?”

I smiled at her. “Pick one; they should both play better than the pieces of junk.”

She kind of squealed and opened up one of the cases. I opened the other one, and we both began taking the instruments out of the plastic wrap. I pressed down on the valves and was impressed they seemed to move smoothly. I showed Alyssa how to oil the valves, as she’d never had anything other than rotors before. We both hung onto the instruments with some gloves that were in the case.

“They’re so pretty Taylor…” she told me, but her face twisted, “I can’t accept this though…” she said sadly.

“Why not?”

“It’s too expensive…”

“Well, if it makes it better think of it as me lending you an instrument and you can give it back to me when we’re done with marching band?”

I watched her battle internally, “Okay!”

I grabbed the music that we had for this year’s shows, a total of twelve songs it looked like, and the two of us practiced for three hours straight together. It wasn’t my excerpts, I’d still have to work on those tonight, but it was still practice time. While we practiced I adjusted the slides on our horns so we’d be able to play in tune, and by the time we finished up I was pretty sure Alyssa knew the parts as well as anyone would on Monday.

She gave me a hug after we wiped the horns down and put them back in their cases. “Thank you Taylor.”

“You’re welcome Alyssa, I couldn’t go out and buy my own horn and leave my best friend playing on a piece of junk.”

She smiled at me. “So what are you doing now?”

I looked at the time and saw it was close to three in the afternoon. I shrugged, “I don’t have anything planned.”

As I said that, my phone rang with Dad’s picture showing up. “Hey Dad!” I said.

“How are you doing Taylor?”

“Great, I’m sorry I haven’t called the last couple nights,” I said guiltily.

“It’s okay Taylor, I could have called too. It’s been a busy week since we’ve started up with the training camp. Beating up on rookies is a lot of fun,” he must have been grinning on the other side, I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Don’t be too mean,” I said. I had a moment of weirdness there since a boy would never have said that… Every time I thought I was used to this thing, I found myself weirding myself out in a new way.

He laughed, “So what have you been up to?”

I told him about the last couple days, the doctors visit, meeting the band director, the visit to the beach, and just relaxing and hanging out.

“Say, what’s this about an order to a music company for three-thousand…?”

‘Busted…’ I thought to myself. “Well… I went to the high school the other day and they gave me a marching horn… but it looked and played like something that belonged more in a dumpster than in a band…” I said nervously. “So… I looked and that store had a brand new silver one for fifteen-hundred…”

“Okay, that’s half…” he said.

“Well, I thought I’d buy two because the one they gave Alyssa was even worse.” I said nervously. Alyssa looked at me worriedly.

“Are these new horns nice?”

“Yes, much better than the others…”

“And you’ll both get four years of use out of them?” he asked.

“At least,” I said. “If I go to college somewhere with a marching band, maybe more…”

“Okay then, next time would you please call me about anything over a thousand?” He said. I sighed, grateful that I wasn’t in trouble, “I know you have the money in the account, but they do call and confirm that you authorized that purchase at that point. I don’t like not knowing if you did or didn’t.”

“Okay Dad,” I said smiling.

“So what are you doing this weekend?” He asked me. We spent another twenty minutes talking and I motioned for Alyssa to get a drink from the fridge if she wanted to. All-in-all I loved my dad, and loved the fact he wasn’t mad at me!

After I hung up, Alyssa asked, “So he’s okay with the purchase?”

I nodded, “I knew he would be… but I probably should have told him when I did it.”

“You’re not in trouble?”

“Nope.”

“You have such a cool dad.” She told me.

“Too bad I have such a wicked step-mother. We were watching Ever After last night and I couldn’t help but relate to her problems with her step-mother.”

“At least you don’t have three wicked step-sisters?” She asked with a small grin.

“True, I don’t think Rachel is ever willing to let her body be spoiled by pregnancy.”

“Seriously?”

I nodded, “At least I assume that’s why they’ve not had kids. Well that and she has no business being a mother.”

Alyssa nodded. “Before I met her I would think you were exaggerating, but she just glared at you most of the time.”

“I’m hoping some space will help.” I said, bringing the conversation about Rachel to a close. Alyssa hung out for a couple more hours, and ended up joining Mom and I for dinner out at the local Italian place. I decided to come clean to Mom when we got home about the new horns. Her look nearly melted me in place, but she asked what my dad thought and let it go.

 

Chapter 24: Fresh Starts

 
FRIDAY AFTERNOON MOM came home a little after noon and I found myself heading into Cleveland for the second time that week. “I sure hope we can cut down on these trips soon,” I complained to her. Alyssa and the girls were going to the beach that afternoon, but I had to skip it again. Granted at least this was for a better reason than a doctor visit. I had spent the morning warming up for my lesson, and hoped I had learned at least a little bit of playing on the new piece Mr. Fark had set me working on.

“Good afternoon Taylor,” he said with grandfatherly smile as I walked in. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing well, you?” I asked politely.

“Great.” He told me.

We went through the lesson and I found him correcting very little on the new piece. He worked with me to fix a few tuning issues here and there on some extreme notes. He seemed impressed with my progress in such a short time on the piece, and set me working on several etudes in a book that he noted was what the All-State auditions would be on the following year.

As I was putting my horn up, he asked, “Taylor, Ms. Redding, I know it may be none of my concern, but I had a question for you…”

‘Oh no!’ I screamed inside.

“Last week I was in New York with Alan,” my former horn teacher, “and having drinks with some friends of ours. He asked how you were doing, and I mentioned that you were amazing… And when I said ‘she’ was a tribute to him as a teacher… he looked at me strange.”

‘Yep, going downhill in a hurry.’

“Please, if I may explain?” Mom said, before he could continue.

“No Mom, this is mine to explain,” I said with a sigh. “May I?” I asked Mr. Fark politely.

“Of course,” he said.

“Mr. Fark… I guess there’s no easy way to explain this. When I was born they did the normal thing of identifying my gender by looking at what they thought was a male part. My dad raised me down in Atlanta, where he plays football professionally. Dad is about six-and-a-half feet tall, and a line backer… well you can see I don’t take that after him,” I said with a thin smile. “It got more odd when chest area began to grow in May. I didn’t tell anyone about it until I moved here and Mom noticed…”

Mr. Fark nodded to go on, at least he wasn’t glaring at me, ‘Maybe he won’t want to stop teaching me…’

“Well, the doctor she took me to see thought there might be more going on so she did a really thorough exam and a whole bunch of tests.” I paused and breathed, “And, in the span of about five hours I learned that due to some weird medical reasons, you probably don’t want to know, I was really a girl… and that my birth identity was incorrect. I’ve spent most of the last month at doctor’s appointments and in the hospital having surgery to correct things. It was a big shock, but this seems more like the real me. I was a terrible boy anyway!”

‘Well, I’ve practiced this speech in my head a billion times, hopefully it comes across as the truth.’ He sat there looking at me for several moments as I hugged my horn case like it was a teddy bear, and hoping he wouldn’t hate me.

“That’s certainly a unique situation,” he told me with a smile, “this is all true?” he looked at my mom for confirmation.

She nodded, “Unfortunately it is, it’s been a long month,” she added.

“Well then, that explains Alan’s confusion. I don’t know how anyone ever confused such a lovely and talented young lady as a boy though,” he shook his head. “I won’t break your confidence with this, though you might tell Alan at some point if you see him again.”

I gave him a weird look, but part of me agreed. My horn teachers were some of my closest confidants it seemed, ‘Alan’ as Mr. Fark called him, had been as much of a counselor for me at times as a horn teacher. “I don’t know when that would be,” I said.

“I can understand that, just remember Taylor, that as talented as you are, people will be talking about you. There are several concerto competitions that are coming up this fall and spring that I think you would do well to enter. When you win something like that people will talk about you, and he could be a little… confused… otherwise.”

I nodded, “You’re definitely right Mr. Fark.”

“Of course I am,” he said with a grandfatherly smile and laugh. “Now, make sure you work on those things we talked about today. Will this same time work next week?” he asked.

“Actually, I think I have band practice at this time next week,” I admitted.

“Ah the joys of high school marching band!” He said with a grimace. “I assume you’ll be playing one of those dreadful marching horns.”

I nodded, “I actually went and purchased a new one after I saw the one they had for me…”

He smiled, “It’s still coming into your mouth from all the wrong angles. That’s the thing I hate most about them, might as well give you a trumpet!”

“Maybe,” I smiled back, “but, it’s one of those high school things.”

He laughed, “Yes it is. Well, if you can’t do this time, I guess we’ll need to move to weekends. Speaking of which, I’ve talked to a local director that runs a weekend youth honors band here, and she’s willing to listen to you play and maybe make an exception on the audition process since you just moved here.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Really! She said to give you this information,” he handed me an envelope, “and to call her this week.”

“Thank you,” I told him.

“Now, assuming she’s smart enough to let you in, we’ll schedule your lessons for Saturday afternoons?” he suggested. “That’ll make it just one trip to Cleveland each week that way?” He looked at my mom with that consideration.

“That would be appreciated,” she admitted.

“Great, I’ll see you next Saturday then?” he suggested.

“Sounds great,” I said with a smile. As I was at the doorway I turned and said, “Thank you Mr. Fark.”

“Taylor you’re welcome, and I can’t wait to see where you go.” He said with a smile.

Mom and I drove away from there with a feeling of relief, but I couldn’t help but wonder when my past would collide with my present. We spent the rest of the afternoon doing a little bit of shopping. I was determined to make a good first impression at the camp Monday morning, so we found a new top that we thought would be great with a pair of jean shorts I had. It was sleeveless and the shade of green seemed to bring out my eyes.

I didn’t say anything to Alyssa or Mom about it, but I was nervous and scared senseless about meeting my classmates from school. The band had about one-hundred or so kids in the marching band, and I knew this would be my first opportunity of making an impression on the other kids at school. I didn’t want to come across as a freak or a loser… I had carried both stigmas at my previous school.

Of course it didn’t help that I still thought of myself as a freak.

The weekend wasn’t the last before school started, but my friends and I had a big weekend sleepover at Alyssa’s house. Danielle was about to be pulled in all directions between cheerleading and band, not to mention school, and no one was sure when we’d get a chance to get together again. They made a point to tell me about every freshman boy that they knew of in band that I should avoid, which ones were cute, and which were nerdy. ‘What’s wrong with nerdy?’ I had asked with a smile.

So it was that Monday morning arrived and I had just checked my hair and makeup in the mirror for the tenth time. “Taylor? Are you ready?” I heard Mom call from downstairs.

I breathed deep, and hurried down the stairs to where she was waiting by the door to the garage in the kitchen. I had a water bottle and the marching horns in the back of her car already. I figured I’d return the other two horns this morning too. “Here, I’m ready,” I found myself in front of Mom.

She gave me a quick hug, and said, “Come on, Alyssa’s already in the car!”

I didn’t know what the hurry was about, we still made it to the practice by 8:10, twenty minutes before it was supposed to start. Mom was nice enough to carry my water bottle and music in for me, since I had my hands full with my new horn. Alyssa had a backpack on that she had her stuff in, plus she didn’t seem to be struggling so much, and managed to carry both of the old horns in one trip, before going back out and grabbing her new one out of our car too.

“Have fun,” Mom told me as she left. I think she did her best not to embarrass me as she did so, something I appreciated. ‘At least the rules are different anyways for girls and mothers, versus boys and mothers…’ I thought to myself. ‘If I was a boy there is no way I would have let her come in with me!’

Mr. Brandt saw the two of us and gave us a puzzled glance. “Did you plant those horns in the garden and get two of them?”

I shook my head, “No offense… but I thought I’d rather have a decent horn to play on during marching band.”

I watched his eyebrow rise, “And the other one?”

“Well, I didn’t want to leave Alyssa to the junker either, she’s my best friend…” I told him.

“So what did you buy?” He almost sounded worried that I’d bought junk.

I opened up my case and I watched his jaw drop. “These aren’t cheap horns…?” He asked.

I shook my head, “They’re good instruments I hope,” I said a little shyly. I knew what they were.

He said, “They should be.”

About that time a girl came up from behind us and said, “Mr. Brandt!!! You didn’t tell me you were buying new horns!!! This means I can give my junker to the freshman!”

I was more than slightly annoyed as it seemed she was reaching to pick up my new horn. A clearing of a throat though froze the motion. “Destiny, this is Taylor’s horn.” He pointed to me, and I watched World War III begin.

“Mr. Brandt I’m a senior, and section leader, you can’t give a brand new horn to some fish! Is she even a freshman? She looks like she’s too young to be in middle school…” Destiny screamed loud enough that I wanted to plug my ear.

“I’m not…” he tried interrupting several times.

“I’m the one who’s earned this…” her tirade seemed to be never ending, and her tears didn’t seem to be faked either.

“Ahem.” I said softly, and was surprised that it got her attention, “This ‘Fish’ as you’d like to call me, bought her own horn because the school ones were junk. This isn’t a school instrument, and neither is the one Alyssa is using. Mr. Brandt didn’t give them to us, and you don’t need to be mean to him over it.” I wanted to add so many more things, burn even more bridges with this witch, but I didn’t think it was smart. I decided to add as an afterthought, “Hi, I’m Taylor,” and stuck my hand out to her.

“Oh.” She said and I watched her jaw clench shut like some sort of cliché ventriloquist dummy. She stared at my hand for a moment before turning around and walking away and ignoring my hand.

“That went well…” I heard from over my shoulder and saw the boy drum major shaking his head.

“Is she always so friendly?” I asked, trying to force out a grin, but I was sure it didn’t look like one. I’d been in the room for two minutes and already had an enemy, whom I remembered was the section leader.

“You caught her in a good moment,” Mr. Brandt said with a shake of his head. “If you have any problems with her let me know Taylor.” He seemed genuinely concerned there for a moment.

“Umm… Thanks, I will,” was about the only thing I could say. He walked over to another part of the room while Alyssa and I pulled our horns out of the cases and Cameron showed us where we would be sitting. There were six more horn players besides Destiny that we met as they sat down. Cameron had shown the two of us seats towards the end of the section, but just after the last girl had sat down, Mr. Brandt had me switch with the girl that was sitting next to Destiny, who was sitting as first chair.

He left Alyssa down on the end, but she gave me a smile to let me know it would be okay. ‘Sure it will,’ I thought to myself as I saw Destiny give me another glare. I was pretty sure she mumbled something about being ‘stuck babysitting.’

She didn’t directly talk to me at all, and so I began doing some warm-ups and scales while she talked to people around me. I purposefully did the most impressive and rangy ones I had in my arsenal. I was not happy with her, and I wanted to make sure she knew in a hurry where she stood with me playing wise. ‘I may be the little girl, but I’m sure I play better!’ That lasted about ten minutes before Mr. Brandt stood on his podium and grabbed our attention. I caught a glance from Alyssa and she was snickering. A glance through my peripheral vision revealed a very shocked ‘section leader.’

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen,” he started off. “I’m glad to see all of you back here again, and would like to welcome our freshmen class members to their first rehearsal…” he talked for about two minutes before starting on a scale, and then a warm-up piece that he insisted we needed to memorize. It sounded pretty horrendous from most of those around me as they had obviously not practiced all summer. I glanced over and saw Destiny rubbing her lips as we finished that piece and began with the music we were using on our first show.

The girl to my right introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Cassie,” in between that and the first piece.

“I’m Taylor,” I said as friendly as I could manage. I still felt like my hair was standing on end from my little cat fight with Destiny.

“You’re really good,” she observed. “And…” she added nervously looking at Destiny, “that’s a really pretty horn.”

“Thanks,” I told her.

“Where are you from?”

She obviously knew I wasn’t from the town originally, “I grew up in Atlanta with my dad,” for one of the first times I was aware that I had a slight bit of a southern accent and wondered if she had caught that. “I moved in with my mom this summer though.”

“Wow, this must be a lot different than down there?”

I shrugged, “I hadn’t done marching band yet, so I don’t really know,” I lied a bit on the last part.

We didn’t have any more time to talk though, as Mr. Brandt had us begin working on the opening movement for our show. The piece was really easy for me, but I could hear a lot of others struggling. I saw Destiny use a few wrong fingerings, but didn’t want to correct her and make things worse. We were working on a section that had horns going higher than my fellow horns seemed to be used to playing, and it had some fast sixteenth notes in it for some reason.

“Horns, can you play that for me please?” Mr. Brandt asked.

He began conducting us and I just played it without thinking anything of it. I heard a horn down the row get it pretty close to correct and figured it must have been Alyssa. I’d spent a good twenty minutes helping her with that section alone last week. In the meantime Destiny gave up after a measure, and the rest of the horns didn’t seem to fair too well either.

“Taylor, would you please play that for us,” he asked politely. “The rest of the section, please follow along.”

I played it perfectly again, and heard some applause from behind me and in front of me.

“Very nice Taylor,” he told me.

“Now Destiny.” He said, startling her.

She started making excuses, but he forced her to try. Needless to say, I wasn’t at all sorry that she embarrassed herself when she played. Apparently it wasn’t just her he was trying to make a point to though, as he went down the line. “Pretty close Alyssa,” he told her as she played it.

I could feel the daggers puncturing my skin the whole rest of the next hour we spent on that piece before we went on break. We’d been handed a schedule that said we’d spend the second half of this morning learning how to march, and then have more practice inside when it was hottest, before going back outside for more marching stuff that night. Mr. Brandt had us rehearse for about ninety minutes or so before this, so it was already starting to warm up just after ten when we went outside. ‘Of course it doesn’t really cool down that much right now either,’ I thought to myself.

As I walked outside with Alyssa, Danielle, and Breanna, all of us talked excitedly. They introduced me to more freshmen and a couple of their older friends. Names flew by so fast I had no chance to catch all of the names. I noticed Cameron and the other two drum majors talking to Destiny off to the side. Something about their posture made me a bit worried for Destiny.

When she came over a few minutes later she didn’t look any happier. Everyone in the band was put into lines by section, and I stood in the middle of the line with Alyssa just behind me. I was kind of surprised when Julie started the part of the rehearsal with stretches like I was in PE. I was a little worried about some of them and if they would cause problems with my healing, but endured through them. One of the last ones we did, had a silly song that went with it, and everyone was grimacing and giggling at the end.

“Okay, the first thing we’re going to teach you guys…” Cameron started off. I was kind of surprised Mr. Brandt wasn’t running this part of the camp, but Cameron soon had us standing at attention and doing some simple facing commands. Mr. Brandt came out about that time and we showed him what we had learned so far. He ran through all of the commands in quick succession and had our section leaders fall out to look to see if we were doing things right.

Destiny stared angrily at me for a moment and then moved one of my elbows that she said wasn’t in the right spot. “Make sure your elbows stay that way,” she said a little less vindictively than she had spoken before.

Mr. Brandt gave us all a water break after he drilled us a little bit more.

“I see the ice queen is leaving you alone?” Cameron came up and asked me quietly.

I nodded, “I guess, I wish I could find a way to declare peace with her.”

He shook his head, “That’s going to take time if I know her at all… She gets kind of vindictive when she’s upstaged.”

“I noticed.”

He laughed and began talking with me trying to find out more about me. I told him about being from Atlanta and all of that. Something seemed to click inside his head and I had a feeling he might have figured out who my dad was or something. “What?” I asked.

“Oh nothing,” he said, blushing, “I just thought of an old joke,” he lied poorly.

“Oh,” I said while looking up at him. I guessed that he stood just above six-feet tall, and was rather gangly. I couldn’t imagine why he was talking to me right then. If I didn’t know any better I’d say he was…

‘Oh no, is he hitting on me?’ I freaked out a bit. I saw Alyssa and she smiled at me, winking while she did so, and I knew she thought he was. I looked at him again and decided I wouldn’t freak out about it.

“So what do you do when you’re not playing horn unbelievably well?” he asked me with a smile that I did kind of like. I could feel my entire brain and body do some weird screaming at each other then, but the part of me that had been raised a boy was thoroughly told to shut up.

“Well, I like to ride bikes,” I said as I searched for interesting things to say to him.

“Cool,” he said, and would probably have talked with me for longer, but Mr. Brandt signaled for everyone to rejoin their lines. He taught us how to march forwards and backwards for the next hour or so before letting us have a lunch break just after noon.

“What are you doing for lunch?” I found Cameron asking next to me.

“Umm… Breanna, my friend over there, her mom is supposed to be picking up my friends and me to go to lunch.” I told him. ‘Did he just try to ask me out???’ I thought.

“Oh, well… I just thought I’d say if you wanted to get something to eat another day, Hannah, Julie, and I would love to have you along.”

“Hannah and Julie?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. ‘If he’s asking me out, why is he involving the other two girls?’

“Oh, we’re just all friends and usually get together to do things during breaks,” he said nervously.

I thought for a moment and I decided to play nice, “Maybe Wednesday?” I suggested, before adding a way out, “But, I’ll have to make sure my mom is okay with me riding with whoever is driving,” I added.

He smiled at me. “You are really a freshman, right?”

I looked back at him and was suddenly scared I not only wanted to think about a date with him, but that he wasn’t thinking of me like that… “It’s the whole being short and looking like I’m nine thing, right?” I asked nervously.

He opened his mouth, shut it, then opened it back up. “Yeah, it kind of throws me for a loop. I mean you play amazingly well, and you’re obviously older when I talk to you, but yeah… my first impression when I saw you last week…” he choked.

“You thought I was Alyssa’s little sister, right?” I asked.

He nodded. “Sorry.”

“You’re not the first person to make that mistake… I really am fourteen, I just had my birthday two weeks ago,” I told him. “I doubt my mom will say no about lunch, but she will want to know.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Like I said, the other two will be there too,” he assured me.

I saw Alyssa standing by the door to Breanna’s mom’s car, and decided I needed to make my exit. “My ride’s here, I’ll talk to you later?” I said nicely.

He nodded at me, “Cool.”

I sat down in the back seat of the car and stared straight ahead. I knew if I looked at any of the girls there would be looks I wasn’t quite ready to deal with. Alyssa wasn’t going to let me get away with it though, and poked me in my side.

“Ah!” I griped.

“Weeeelllllll?????” She asked.

“Did he ask you out already???” Breanna turned around and asked me.

I blushed and said, “Maybe?”

We spent the two minute drive to Breanna’s house talking and analyzing everything that had been said. The looking like I was a little kid part was a little bit on the odd side, and no one knew what to make of that part. It seemed like that was either a really disturbing thing to him, or maybe he liked that about me. I was a little unnerved by the second reason, so I hoped it was the first. The ultimate conclusion was that yes, I had been asked out on a date.

 
LUNCH CONSISTED OF some pasta that Breanna’s mom had made with chicken and a marinara sauce. Her little sister Kaylie for whatever reason seemed to be latching onto me during lunch. She insisted that she sit next to me at the table, and then kept bringing me her dolls to see. “She likes you,” Breanna’s mom said as she left her in her brother’s care for a few minutes while she ran us back to the school. For a five-year-old she was cute, but I didn’t know the slightest thing about little girls! ‘Unfortunately I was never one…’ I thought somewhat bitterly.

I smiled at all of the right times though apparently, because Breanna’s mom said, “Taylor you’re really good with kids.”

“Umm… thanks,” I told her nervously.

“Would you be interested in babysitting Kaylie for us sometime?”

“I’ve never babysat before,” I told her honestly, “but I guess so… sure.”

“That would be great!” She told me with a big smile.

I nervously looked out the window as we pulled up to the high school. “Any ideas of what to do with Destiny?” I asked Alyssa as we closed the door.

“Besides the claw marks I think you’ve already left on her?” she asked me.

“Huh?”

“You know exactly the claw marks I’m thinking of,” she told me with a raised eyebrow. “Outplaying her definitely did not help things.”

“So I should have played badly?”

“Do you normally do scales like that?”

I nodded, “Yes… just not normally before I’ve warmed up a bit more beforehand,” I admitted.

“Just be careful, she’s like six-feet tall and pretty vicious on the basketball court from what some of the girls on the end told me.”

I nodded. “Any ideas to stop the war?”

She shook her head. “She started it… and unfortunately I think it’s going to have to be stopped by her as well.”

We were about fifteen minutes early to the afternoon rehearsal, which thankfully was going to be inside. I was sweating from walking from the van to the building. I could only imagine how much worse it would be outside this afternoon marching! Cameron was also back and interrupted my practicing to talk to me.

“What are you playing?” He asked, noticing I didn’t have music on the stand.

“Oh, it’s a piece for an audition soon.” I told him.

“It sounds really hard…”

“It’s harder on this fake horn than it is on the real one,” I told him with a smile.

“You really bought that, and another one for Alyssa?” He asked.

I nodded.

“Aren’t they expensive?”

I shrugged, “I guess, but not compared to my concert horn. It doesn’t even come close to the custom made horns the pros use.”

The two of us ended up talking until Mr. Brandt went onto the program. I learned Cameron played trombone really well. He was even in the youth band that my teacher was trying to get me into at the last minute. I liked talking to him, even though he towered over me like my dad did, and hoped maybe we’d actually really go out sometime. ‘Where did that come from?’ I thought to myself, ‘boys have cooties!’ I giggled a bit at that thought. So much for that!

“Okay ladies and gentlemen, I need you to each take one of these schedules and handbooks…” Mr. Brandt started up. I looked at the calendar and remembered there was one Friday my three friends and I would have to miss next week for our trip down to Atlanta. I thought we’d be back for the afternoon rehearsal Monday, or at least the evening one. ‘I’ll have to remember to tell him… hopefully he’ll understand.’

Mr. Brandt spent a good half-hour on things like ‘if you’re on time, you’re late!’ He said he’d talk about bus trip expectations when we got to our first away game. That was something that I knew was different from the high school I would have gone to, we only would have played at home games and competitions there. Here it looked like we played every single game, and then a festival of some sorts. Mr. Brandt made sure that everyone knew what was expected of them, and then began rehearsing again. We spent two hours, with one quick five-minute break, playing through the music for the first two marching shows. Each piece was pretty boring to me, but I could feel the others around me struggling to play them.

At about four Mr. Brandt let us go for dinner, telling us to be back at six-thirty to go again until nine-thirty. I was seriously tired as I climbed into Mom’s car. Alyssa’s mom picked her up, so it was just the two of us.

“How’s it going?” Mom asked me.

“Other than Ice Queen, good.” I told her.

“Ice Queen?”

“That’s what I’ve dubbed my section leader, she and I got off onto a bad start… and it’s not getting any better since I can outplay her.” I admitted.

“What exactly is going on?” Mom asked. I filled her in on the cat fight that seemed to have started, and I wasn’t sure how to finish. She suggested I talk to Mr. Brandt about it, but I wanted to see if it would get better on its own first.

We ate a quick dinner that night, and I remembered I needed to ask her something. “Umm… Mom?”

“Uh-oh, what?” She asked suspiciously.

“A few of the older students are going out for lunch on Wednesday… would it be okay if I went with them?”

“Who?”

“Umm… well you met them the other day; they’re the three drum majors.”

I swore her eyes narrowed and read my mind… “Which of them asked you to lunch?”

I turned a shade of red, “Cameron.”

“The tall gangly one, that couldn’t keep his eyes off of you last week?”

‘Geeze Mom…’ I thought, but nodded.

“I don’t know Taylor, you’re only fourteen, and barely so… I’d really like you to wait to date until you’re sixteen. No offense, but I think it would be smart…”

“Did you wait until you were sixteen?” I decided to ask.

“Well… umm…”

I smiled to myself, ‘Point to me!’ I decided to press on, “Besides it’s not really a date, he just asked me to go to lunch with them.”

“Taylor, a senior boy asking a freshman girl to go to lunch with him only has one goal in mind.” She warned.

I felt my face fall, that sounded like a ‘no’ to me.

She came and gave me a hug, “I’ll let you do lunch, but you are not to start dating him yet. We’ll see how it goes this fall, but I want you to be careful… you’re still new to this whole girl thing you know.” She reminded me. “Besides, didn’t you insist to me a few weeks ago that boys have cooties?”

I grinned, “That was before I turned fourteen!”

She sighed, hugged me again, and then said, “I want you to be careful none-the-less. If you want to hang out in a group, that’s fine, but no one-on-one dates at all.” She insisted.

I nodded, this was probably as much of a victory as I was going to get.

When she took me back to the school for the evening rehearsal I made sure to talk to Mr. Brandt about the next Friday, and that following Monday. “Why are you going?” he asked me. Danielle and Alyssa had joined me in his office, but Breanna hadn’t gotten back quite yet.

“It’s the first pre-season game for Atlanta at home,” I told him.

“You’re a football fan?” he asked.

“Umm… no…?” I responded.

He looked at me thoroughly confused.

“Look, please don’t spread it around, but my dad plays for them.” I told him.

“You’re kidding?” he asked incredulously.

I shook my head, “When he was here a couple weeks ago he offered to fly my new friends here down to go to the game and hang out there for a few days. He thought it would be easier now, than when school started up.”

He looked at me, and then glanced at the other two girls, “So you’re telling me the truth here?”

I nodded, “I’d rather not tell anyone about who he is, but I figure it’s only fair to tell you since I’m asking this.”

“I must say this is the most unique excuse I’ve ever been given to get out of days of band camp,” he told me with a smile. He looked thoughtful for a second, but said, “Well, you’ll need to make up any missed drill, but I’ll wager you’ll do it more than some of the other members. Try not to miss any other days if you can help it please.”

“Thanks Mr. Brandt!” I heard the other two say in unison.

“You’re welcome. Now go grab your instruments and head outside. We need to finish up learning the basics, so we can start learning the first show tomorrow!”

“Okay,” I said and joined the rest of them in grabbing instruments. He used a really booming voice to tell everyone to be outside in three minutes in the block.

It was a long evening, and I was really tired by the time we went in and put our instruments down at nine, but even more surprised when we ended up playing a couple of games. Mr. Brandt had us do a few things in small groups where we tried to untangle ourselves from a ‘human knot’ first. After that he had us get together in sections and passed around a ball to get to know people’s names. I felt like I knew about thirty names when I went home that night.

I was so tired as Alyssa’s mom drove us home that night. I forced myself to stay awake long enough to take care of my daily care, took a shower, and then promptly fell asleep in my bed!

 

I couldn’t bring myself to just post the first chapter today, it was a bit too short to be on its own in a posting. Hope you enjoyed the double posting! Thank you to all of you who have been leaving comments, I really do love knowing what you’re thinking!

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 25: This One Time…
 
TUESDAY MORNING I was glad I put my iPhone on my dressing table across the room, because if it had been next to me I’d have turned off the alarm and gone back to bed! I was a little sore from the first day so the shower felt especially good. As I patted myself dry I stared at myself in the foggy mirror, and tried to decide what to do with my hair. ‘A pony-tail really would be better for today…’ I thought to myself. ‘But I don’t want to be plain…’ I admitted to myself and got to work on my normal hair style. I threw a scrunchie on my wrist so I could put it up outside if it got too windy.

Mom took Alyssa and I that morning to practice again, and I found myself both excited and anxious that day. I really was excited to be there, be playing, and generally having a good time with the friends I was beginning to make from the day before. It was also kind of fun to do the marching, almost like a dance in a way, and I enjoyed it. I was really only worried to see if Destiny would be just as rude that day or not.

Alyssa seemed to pick up on my nerves a little and said, “Taylor, if she does anything else just go talk to Mr. Brandt. It sounded like he almost expected problems after yesterday morning.”

“I don’t like other people solving my problems,” I told her sheepishly.

She smiled, “I can tell.”

As we walked into the room with our horns I saw Cameron coming toward us. I’d never had a chance the last night to give him an answer about Wednesday. Alyssa was smart, taking her horn out, and leaving the two of us for a moment.

“Hi Cameron,” I said to him.

“Hi Taylor.” He said with a smile that I really liked seeing. “So did you ask your mom about Wednesday?”

I sighed, “Yes I did.” I watched his eyes fall, “She said yes,” his eyes widened, brightening to a state that made me want to grin. “But, I have to tell you she doesn’t want this to be any sort of ‘date.’” I said date while making quotation marks in the air with my fingers.

“Okay,” he said, quickly. “Just friends going for lunch together.”

I smiled, “Cool.”

He talked with me for a few more moments before Alyssa decided it was safe to rejoin us. Not long after that Mr. Brandt sent us all outside for more marching practice. We worked all morning on marching “eight-to-five” forwards, backwards, side-to-side, etc. I was tired of it by the time we finally stopped to go inside to practice music about eleven. He had section leaders doing a lot of checking up on us, and even though I knew I was probably doing it better than anyone else in the section, Destiny kept coming up and yelling at me for little things. It was annoying to say the least.

As we sat down to play I had my music on the stand and she ‘accidentally’ knocked it on the floor as she sat down. “Oops, sorry about that,” she said coolly.

I picked it up, sighed, and looked at her. “Can I talk to you in the hallway for a moment?”

Her eyes opened, and I think she wondered if I wanted to fight her or something. She followed me though out into the hallway that led to the bathrooms.

“Look, Destiny, I know you and I have gotten off on the wrong foot here. I don’t feel like playing these games with you until you graduate. I’m sorry for showing you up yesterday, is there a chance we can call a truce?”

“Why on Earth would I care about that?” She snarled, “You think because you came in owning your own marching horn you should get special treatment?”

“Did I ask for special treatment?”

“Obviously, look at where you’re sitting. Second chair! That shouldn’t be your spot.” She said loudly enough that I noticed a few faces peeking out from the band room to the hallway. One of them was Alyssa, and another was Cameron.

“Would you like me to be first chair, the spot playing wise I will be in the school year?” I asked sweetly.

“You’re NOT that good,” she told me.

“You’re right,” I told her. I watched her face change slightly, “I’m better than good. I practice a lot, and honestly can play circles around you. And,” I paused, “I think you do know that.”

“You’re just here to ruin my senior year!” she said with a few tears in her eyes.

I shook my head, “I’m not either,” I assured her.

“But you’ll end up taking all of the solos this year…” she was crying, I could see. “This year was supposed to be my chance…”

“I don’t have to take any solos,” I told her.

She looked at me in shock. “But, if you’re the best, and they’re given to you… why wouldn’t you want them?”

“Because, if they mean that much to you I don’t want to make your life miserable by taking them. Trust me, I play plenty of solos all of the time.”

“You’re just saying that now.”

“Well, if you do a bad job at them, then I’m sure Mr. Brandt will think otherwise. But if you play them well I don’t have a problem giving them to you.”

She stared at me for a moment. “You really do mean that, don’t you?”

I nodded.

“You’re a weird little girl,” she told me, and felt like the tears were going away and maybe there was a hint of a smile there.

“You don’t know the half of it…” I said with a smile.

“Why did you move here anyway?” she asked. It wasn’t as bitter of a tone, and I thought maybe this might be a step in the right direction.

“My dad remarried a couple years ago, and I had enough of living with the wicked step-mother, so I moved up here to live with my mom.” I told her honestly.

“I know that feeling,” she said sadly.

I wondered what all was wrong in Destiny’s own life that she felt like she had to lash out. I decided it was time to try this again, I stuck out my hand, “Hi, I’m Taylor.”

She glared at my hand as bad as she had yesterday, but tentatively put her own hand out there, “I’m Destiny.” She seemed to chew on her lip for a moment before saying, “And you are by far the weirdest little fish here,” she smirked at.

It seemed like maybe things would be going in the right direction now. The band had just started the warm-up when we went back inside, and I sheepishly took my seat. Like yesterday I played everything without issue, and even managed to keep up with the upperclassmen in the band on playing it by memory at the end of the rehearsal. “I’ll see you all after lunch,” Mr. Brandt told us, dismissing us after the rehearsal.

“So what did you do to Destiny?” Breanna asked as she rushed up to me after rehearsal. We were going back to her house again for lunch.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you two disappeared into the hallway and we were sure there was going to be fists flying or something, but when you came back in she wasn’t glaring at you anymore.”

I smiled, “We just talked for a few minutes.”

“Right…” Alyssa said.

I went on to explain on the car ride what we’d said to each other. Breanna’s mom looked at me as she opened the door to their house, “Taylor that was very mature of you, I’m glad it sounds like you did the right thing in getting things worked out.”

“Thanks,” I told her with a smile and a bit of a blush as she gave me a small hug.

Lunch was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that day. Definitely not the greatest thing in the world, but I appreciated her taking the time to make lunch for the four of us. We sprawled out in the living room for a bit afterwards before we had to get back to the school. “So what are we doing this weekend?” Alyssa asked.

I shrugged, “I’ve only been thinking about next weekend, no real plans for this weekend… Well, I guess I do have a lesson on Saturday.”

“You’re taking lessons with someone in the orchestra, right?” Danielle asked.

I nodded.

“That is like so cool!” she told me.

I smiled, “It’s a little crazy.”

“What time is your lesson?” Alyssa asked me.

“I think at two, but Mom was supposed to be getting hold of a lady that runs an honors band thing there, to see if I could do an audition with her this weekend too.”

“Are we ever going to see you?” Danielle asked jokingly.

“Of course!” I smiled. “We could do something Friday night?” I suggested.

“Don’t we like have a band thing till nine that night?” Breanna asked.

I pulled out my iPhone and looked at the picture I’d taken of the schedule, nodding, “We have some sort of barbeque, but after that how about a sleepover or something?”

Danielle nodded, “We could use the pool at my house and hang out there,” she suggested.

Everyone seemed to think it would be a good suggestion. Of course we all had to ask our parents, but we knew they would say yes. Breanna’s mom agreed without a problem to prove our point. Back at the rehearsal we sat down to work on more music from our shows for the year. We were going to have three different sets of music, and it was all pretty fun to play. About two hours into rehearsing that afternoon, Mr. Brandt sent us off into different directions to work in sections.

He seemed to give Destiny and I a longer glance than the others, but didn’t say anything to us. She led us to a corner of a hallway past a bend, close to the auditorium, and motioned for us to stand in a circle. “Okay, Mr. Brandt wanted us to work on this song first,” she said pointing to the one that had made her look really bad yesterday.

She bit her lip, and asked, “Taylor, can you play it again for us?”

“Sure,” I said with a smile.

When I finished one of the girls, Camille, that sat closer to Alyssa asked, “How do you play like that?”

Destiny flushed a little bit, but I answered, “I practice a lot.”

“You make that sound so easy,” Cassie said with a shake of her head.

“All you have to do is…” I explained how to make it work, and we all worked together through each measure until the section could all play it. I did my best to take a total backseat to Destiny though; I didn’t want to restart the turf war. She was amazingly courteous throughout the afternoon, so I hoped we had managed to bury the hatchet. When we returned to the normal rehearsal it seemed like the rest of the section was doing better on the music.

Just about an hour before the afternoon practice was to end, Mr. Brandt gave us all a ten minute break. “Taylor and Destiny, may I see you please in my office?”

I groaned and it sounded like Destiny did the same next to me. I turned and gave her a thin smile, which amazingly she did return.

“Come in please, and shut the door.” He told us.

“I wanted to talk to you this morning, but never had a chance… it seemed like yesterday there were some issues…” Mr. Brandt seemed to dance around the issue quite a bit himself.

I was impatient, and needed to go to the bathroom during the break myself, “Mr. Brandt?” I interrupted as politely as I could.

“Yes Taylor?”

“Yes, I think there might have been some initial misunderstandings, but I think the two of us have worked it out?” I looked at her to my side as I said that.

She nodded slowly, “Look, I didn’t like the fact that she came in with a horn I mistakenly thought was mine… and we got off on a bad start. We talked earlier, and I think we’ve cleared things up between us. I’m still not happy that she’s the size of a nine-year old and can outplay me…” she said with a bit of a smirk, “but I can’t stay mad at her. She’s probably the nicest person in the band already,” she added.

I blushed. “Umm… thanks.” I told her.

“So everything is good?” He asked.

We nodded.

“Thanks for being so mature about this,” he told us both, but I felt his eyes linger on me.

I smiled at him, and we were able to escape. I found she was also walking towards the bathroom, “Thanks Taylor,” she told me as she opened the door.

“Thank you actually,” I told her.

“For what? I was a total bitch to you…”

“For being willing to let it go and not hold a grudge… I was really worried that this was something we’d be fighting every day…”

Something in her eyes told me that’s probably what she had intended. “If you hadn’t talked to me it might have… Which is why you’re way cooler than I gave you credit for when I met you.”

“So are you,” I told her with a smile. We both headed into empty stalls and arrived back into the band room about the time Mr. Brandt wanted to start again.

Mr. Brandt worked the band hard the rest of the rehearsal, and had us ‘mark-time’ while we played our music to get used to moving our feet in time. It was something that I picked up easily it seemed, and while he corrected a lot of other people, I don’t think he ever said anything to me but ‘good job.’

“Okay, ladies and gents.” He said as he was wrapping up rehearsal. “Tonight I’m hoping to start learning our first show. Section leaders, I expect you to pick up your section’s drill cards before rehearsal, and help them find their first three sets during the first ten minutes of our rehearsal. I’d love to be able to get the first song done and on the field with music tonight!”

I heard some murmuring from some of the seniors, but couldn’t make it out.

“Please make sure you bring a water bottle tonight, and also make sure you’re wearing tennis shoes, no flip-flops!” He reminded everyone. I don’t know why anyone would need to be reminded though, he’d been pretty angry at a senior girl who had been wearing flip-flops earlier. “Also, don’t forget we have the end of camp barbeque on Friday. Please invite your parents, as we’ll hopefully have at least a few things to perform for them that night!”

As I was leaving he motioned for me to come over to him. “Taylor, whatever you did with Destiny… thanks. I really appreciate you working things out, it’s not usually that easy with her,” he told me softly.

I looked at him and smiled, before saying, “See you tonight!”

Mom was again waiting for me outside, but we went out for dinner that night. She asked me about my day so far and I told her basically everything, including about working things out with Destiny. She’d given me a hug then and said, “Good girl.”

I smiled, as her praise really did seem to make my day better. About half-way through the meal, when I felt like the Spanish Inquisition was done, I remembered, “Mom did you happen to call that lady?”

She nodded at me, “She said normally they don’t make any exceptions like this, but Mr. Fark I guess was pretty persuasive. She’s willing to meet you at her school Saturday morning before your lesson to hear you play.”

“Cool,” I said with a smile, before feeling my stomach lurch a little bit, I had not been practicing my concert horn at all this week so far. Getting to band early in the morning and staying there till late at night was not helping things there!

I was thinking about all of that as she drove me home to kill the last half-hour or so before band, when I asked, “Can you take me back to practice now?” She looked at me weirdly, “I want to take my concert horn and get some practice in… I don’t want to fail at my audition on Saturday, and I don’t know when I’ll find time to practice unless it’s during the breaks…”

“Do you think it’s okay to take your horn…?” She asked me with concern.

“Mom, it’s insured.” I laughed, “The only person who would have been a problem I seem to have made up with. I won’t leave it there overnight.”

She looked at me unconvinced, but shrugged, “I guess you have to when school starts anyway. Go grab it and I’ll drop you off,” she told me.

I smiled, ran downstairs, made sure my music was in its’ pocket, and ran back upstairs to get into the car. Mom smiled at me as we climbed in the car, and I just felt ‘good’ that she cared enough to basically do anything for me. She dropped me off and I was grateful that Mr. Brandt was already there.

“Hi,” he said. “You know you’re early…”

“I know, but I need to practice, so I thought I’d get some in now.”

“And you haven’t been practicing all day long?”

I shook my head, “Nope, just warming up!”

He laughed at me. “Well, go ahead.”

I sat down in my chair and pulled my horn out and warmed up just a small amount since I’d been playing so much all day. It felt weird playing my concert horn after playing the marching horn for two days… ‘I guess I know what Mr. Fark was talking about now.’ I thought to myself. I played all twelve of my major scales, my chromatic scale, and then decided on movements, of two solos, to play for the director.

I was mid-way through the first one when I sensed I had an audience. I kept playing though, and ignored them. I knew this was inevitably going to happen, and couldn’t afford to get side-tracked. When I finished that movement I noticed four people sitting in the chairs around me staring.

“Oh my God!” Cassie said. “You’re like amazing!”

“Why in the world are you going to our high school?” Another girl, who I didn’t know, asked.

I shrugged, “I moved in with my mom this summer.”

I proceeded to turn my horn to get the spit out of the horn, and emptied the slides out too. “You have the prettiest horn,” I heard Destiny gush off to the side of me.

“I think so,” I told her with a smile.

“So what else can you play little girl?” She asked me with a smile, and I knew she wasn’t being mean.

I pulled up the other piece I was going to play for the audition and started playing it. By the end of it the band room was filling with more and more people that seemed to all be gawking at me. Cameron had come and found a seat near me too, and I felt like I was some sort of alien or something. Granted, the band wasn’t that great compared to what I came from… but I didn’t really care. I did band itself as much for the fun of playing as anything. I figured I’d always get quality playing time in with Mr. Fark and maybe this honors band thing. No one else in the room seemed used to the idea of a really strong player though.

There was actually applause when I finished playing that piece, and I found myself flushing red from embarrassment. I noticed it was about time to be heading outside, so I put my horn back in its’ case and set it beneath my chair. “So why were you practicing after playing all day?” Destiny asked me on the way outside.

“I’ve got an audition on Saturday…” I explained to her.

She gave me another one of her looks and asked, “So does that mean I might have to put up with you on Saturdays too?”

“You play in the group too?” I asked.

She nodded and proceeded to tell me besides Cameron and her, there were two flute players that played in the group. After a slight glare she shrugged and said, “You should be in the group. I wouldn’t mind it if you took Megan down a peg or two while you’re at it!” She actually laughed. I learned that she was seventh chair, and Megan was a first-chair prima donna that felt like she was better than everyone else in the universe.

I raised my eyebrow at her, “Are you saying I’m a bigger prima donna?”

She shook her head and laughed at me. “No, you’re actually pretty cool compared to her. You just are definitely a much better player.”

Destiny gathered together the horn section outside, and began showing us how to use the drill cards. Each ‘set’ was a set of graph coordinates to look at and showed us where to go. “We used to do this a different way before Mr. Brandt got here last year… honestly we were really bad back then. This new way is a lot easier once you get used to it.” She claimed. We each had a piece of chalk and marked up our spots with our initials and a number.

By the time Mr. Brandt had us start moving together as a band I felt like I knew where we were supposed to go. It was a really tough rehearsal for all of us new to the band, but I felt like I was dealing as well or better than everyone else. By the end of the rehearsal we had learned all ten sets of the first song. As the sun was setting Mr. Brandt had us run it through with our instruments.

I’m not going to lie and say it sounded good… dreadful would be the best description to my ears. I watched people run into each other, and just missed being hit with a trombone slide. Thankfully the guy, a freshman named Chris, who nearly wacked me was much taller that it just passed over the top of me.

“I guess it’s a good thing you’re so little!” Destiny actually joked with me immediately after it.

Mr. Brandt wasn’t in the mood to hear us joking though, and yelled at the band to go back to our spots and do it again. And again! The sun had definitely set by the time he had us gather in front of him. Parent’s cars were waiting in a line along the side of the building already as he talked to us.

“Tonight is better than anything this band has done in a long time,” he told us towards the end. “I know it can be frustrating, but it’ll be worth it every time you perform for the audiences and they have a good time watching you!” I found myself smiling at that. “Tonight we’d like to begin recognizing a section of the day and outstanding member of the day too.” He said.

“So, drum roll please!” he said to snare drummer. “The outstanding member of the day is...” he paused, “Destiny!”

I smiled and was happy for her. I guessed Mr. Brandt was rewarding her for dropping what otherwise might have been a year-long grudge between the two of us.

“And the outstanding section is…” he pointed for another drum roll, “the horns!”

Alyssa and I high-fived, and were joined by the other girls in our section. We were all smiling as we went inside with our instruments and put them up. I had just thrown my concert horn on my shoulders in backpack mode with Destiny came up to me.

“See you tomorrow Taylor,” she told me with a smile.

“See you,” I told her.

I walked out to Alyssa’s mom’s car completely and totally in disbelief over how much had changed with her over the day. Alyssa and I climbed into the car almost totally worn out. “How did today go girls?” Her mom asked.

Alyssa said, “Well somehow Taylor took our witch of a section leader and made her human…” Alyssa’s mom started pestering me for details.

Sometimes it felt she was beginning to feel like a second mom to me, and that night on the drive home certainly felt like that. Once we’d parked her car in their garage she gave me a hug, “I’m very proud of you Taylor, it sounds like you are growing up to be an incredible young lady.”

My eyes glistened slightly as I returned her hug and said, “Thanks.”

I walked into my house a few moments later and Mom greeted me with another hug. ‘It’s like I’m a hug magnet now!’ I thought to myself with a smile. She asked me questions about the rest of my day for a bit before I sat down on the couch to call Dad.

We didn’t talk long, and he sounded as tired as I was, but I felt like I should talk to him. Towards the end of the conversation he dropped hints that made me think he and Rachel were trying to patch things up, but that it was up to her to behave towards me. To her credit she had behaved better from Saturday night on when they were out for my surgery… but I don’t think either of us believed her attitude was real. When I hung up with him I wondered about what I’d do if he did get divorced from her at some point… Would I want to move away from Mom ever again?

I fought with that question in my head for an hour while I took care of my daily task, and then took a shower. I felt so sweaty and grimy that I lay down on a blanket on the floor that night instead of on my bed like normally did while doing the task. After I got out of the shower Mom was waiting in my room. I’d kept my hair dry with a shower cap, so at least I didn’t have to worry about it.

“Mind if I tuck you in tonight?” She asked with a smile.

“Sure,” I told her with my own smile.

Mom pulled out that same story book that she’d used a few times in the last month, and I confess I was just like a little kid in that I was asleep before the end of the story. The next morning I kept thinking, ‘I wish I knew how it ended!’

 
Thank you to all that keep leaving comments, I really do appreciate them!

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 26:A Non-Date
 
WEDNESDAY MORNING I woke up and found myself suddenly nervous. I was supposed to out to lunch with Cameron and the other two drum majors today! It was a really good thing that Mom had insisted on me choosing my outfit for the next day, the night before as otherwise I would have been ripping through my closet and drawers left and right. As it was I made a last minute decision to wear a sundress instead of the shorts and t-shirt I had picked out. ‘I hope it doesn’t make me look too young…’ I griped at myself once I was dressed.

I spent more time than I really could afford on my makeup and hair that morning. I wore my charm bracelet, and the necklace Dad had given me, along with some cute treble-clef earrings we’d found at Claire’s. My reflection looked great in the mirror to me, and I hoped it would to others this morning too. I wasn’t necessarily just dressing to impress Cameron, the freshman trombone player, Chris, that had tried to take me out with his trombone yesterday was kind of cute too.

I walked into the band room and pulled out my concert horn to practice for a while before we actually started. Mr. Brandt came out when I was taking a break from my warm-up routine and said, “You look very nice today Taylor.”

“Thanks Mr. Brandt!” I said with a smile.

“Taylor, just how much do you normally practice?”

I turned a slight shade of red as it really was a little embarrassing sometimes. “Three hours usually… unless I can find more time. I can go six-hours sometimes if nothing distracts me…”

He shook his head, “That’s awesome,” he told me with a smile. “What do you want to do when you grow up?”

“Is that a short joke?” I asked.

“Well… now that you mention it.”

If I knew him better I would have stuck my tongue out at him. “Not nice.” I said while making a pouting face. “I don’t know… a part of me thinks playing professionally would be really really cool,” I told him. “But, my mom is a lawyer and my dad has a degree in chemistry, so sometimes I think about following in their footsteps.”

“Your dad has a degree in chemistry?” he asked, surprised.

“He didn’t waste his time as a college ball player; he made sure he had a degree to fall back on. Sports are hard on bodies, and it’s easy to have one injury ruin a career.”

He nodded, “He sounds like a smart man.”

I smiled, “He’s my dad.”

“Well, I’ll let you get back to practicing.” He told me.

I managed to get through my scales, both of the pieces I wanted to play for the audition, and then the new concerto that I was working on with Mr. Fark. I was working on that piece when Destiny came and sat down next to me. I smiled at her, but kept working at it. One measure was killing me because it leapt up a weird interval, and then went into a fast passage. I must have played it half-a-dozen times before I heard a giggle next to me.

“So you are fallible?” Destiny asked me.

I nodded, “This piece is tough… and I’m supposed to have a lesson on it Saturday.”

“It looks beyond tough… how old are you anyway?”

“I just turned fourteen.”

“I don’t think I could play this at all, and I used to think I was pretty good.” She told me sadly.

“You could play it; you’d just have to practice it a lot… just like I have to practice this a lot!” I smiled at her.

She shook her head, “No, you’re in a completely different world from me… or anyone else I’ve ever met.”

I blushed. I didn’t know what else to say right then so I tried it again and managed to get it right. After four more times of getting it right I tried it in the larger section and it sounded decent. Destiny just shook her head next to me as I put my concert horn back in its case. “You know, you’re small enough you look like you should be playing with Barbie Dolls, not outplaying seniors in high school…”

I just laughed, “That confusion happens more than I would like to say.”

She smiled at me, “I bet!”

Alyssa’s mom brought her to practice that morning so she could go for a ride earlier. She showed up and got her horn out, but came to sit by me to talk. Destiny seemed to thaw out even more as the morning continued, and, I thought she might be fun to go do something with sometime. She kind of struck me as someone who could be a big sister type figure.

It was during our last break before lunch that I found out this lunch ‘date’ that I was so concerned about was going to be a bigger gathering of band members than I thought. Cameron talked with a lot of different people then, and I wondered if he did it because he knew I wasn’t allowed to date… It seemed like half of the band would be going to lunch at the same spot!

During that break Alyssa, Breanna, and Danielle were invited too, and I was amused to see that it looked like maybe Destiny would be going. Julie ended up driving Cameron, Alyssa, Breanna, and myself to the local pizza place right after we finished rehearsal. They had a buffet that he seemed to think was a good quick lunch to hang out over. On the ride over to the restaurant I sat in the middle of the back seat of Julie’s Ford Focus, with Alyssa on my right, and Cameron on my left.

“So what are you up to next Friday?” he asked.

‘Is he trying to ask me out on a real date...?’ I asked myself. I answered with a shake of my head, “I’m flying down to Atlanta to see my dad that weekend.”

“Oh?”

I looked at him again, and not for the first time wondered if he had put two and two together to figure out who my dad was. I decided on a slight lie, “I’ve only seen him a bit this summer, and he offered to fly me and some friends down there.”

“Cool.” He said. “Who all are you taking?” He asked with a twinkle in his eye.

“Alyssa, Breanna,” both of them smiled as I said their names, “and Danielle.”

“That sounds like fun!” He said.

I shook my head.

“How can that not be fun?” He asked as we opened up the door and stepped inside the pizza place.

I sighed, “I have to see my step-mother.”

“Is she like some sort of wicked witch?” he asked.

“Yes, she is,” I heard Alyssa say next to me. “Normally I think everyone exaggerates about parents… But Rachel really doesn’t like Taylor,” she gave me a smile and a sideways hug.

Cameron proceeded to talk to me pretty exclusively during lunch. Even when Hannah joined us with Danielle, Destiny, Joe (a drummer), and Larry (a trumpet player), he continued to act like I might have been the only one at the table. He asked questions about Atlanta, about my horn playing, about anything else I did, and I was getting kind of tired of talking. “What about you?” I asked with a smile, “What else do you do?” I insisted on getting him talking and was finally able to get a couple of pieces of pizza down my mouth.

I learned that he was the oldest of five siblings, something that boggled my mind, and he spent a lot of time taking care of them on weekends. He told me about his siblings, Cami who was thirteen, was still at the junior high, Craig was eleven, Cambden was nine, and Candice who was two. He told me she was an ‘oops’ baby, just like he was. I laughed at that, and said, “That’s kind of mean towards your baby sister.”

“I’m the perfect brother,” he defended himself.

Destiny who was sitting pretty close to us said, “He really is. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone take care of a baby girl as well as he does.” She smiled at him.

He blushed, and I had to admit I found it both cute and funny. He made several excuses, but I said, “That’s neat that you take care of them. I don’t have any siblings, so I don’t get to do that. It means you’ll make a really great dad some day,” I added.

Now he really blushed.

“Hey, shouldn’t we be heading back soon?” I heard Larry ask down at the end of the table.

I pulled my iPhone out of my purse and grimaced, ‘so much for getting in a bit more practicing before this afternoon…’ Everyone stood up and paid on the way out. I made sure to stand in front of Cameron, I didn’t want him to do something silly like pay for lunch. ‘Actually, I wouldn’t mind…’ I admitted to myself. I really did like him, and he seemed like a genuinely nice guy.

As we walked into the band room from outside, he looked around to see who was nearby. There was something in his body language that told me he was trying to see that. “Thanks for going with me Taylor. I know you’re not allowed to date yet, but I’d love to hang out with you like that some more.”

“Me too,” I told him. “Thanks for inviting me!”

I was just thinking about giving him a hug, when he asked, “So are you excited to go watch your dad play next weekend?”

I started to shrug my shoulders and said, “Not…”

‘Crap!’ I thought to myself. ‘He does know!’

I sighed. “How did you figure it out?”

“Well… your last name, and Atlanta kind of rang a bell in my head.”

I nodded, sighed again, “Please don’t tell anyone else…” I pleaded.

He shook his head, “I won’t. I don’t know why you don’t tell everyone, I mean it’s so cool, but I won’t tell anyone.”

I really did give him a hug that time. “Thank you Cameron.”

I stepped back and watched his face turn more shades of red, before moving to my seat. Mr. Brandt looked like he was about ready to get started. I sat down and held my mouthpiece to my lips to warm-up a bit, and then I felt a poke in my left side.

“So do you like him?” Destiny asked quietly.

I sighed, “I think so, but my mom isn’t going to let me date for a couple more years supposedly.” I paused for a second, “And I have little doubt my dad is okay with that rule as well.”

She laughed, “What they don’t know won’t hurt them,” and winked at me. She took in a breath and said, “Cameron is a good guy, be nice to him… he doesn’t need a repeat of last year.”

“Last year?” I asked.

“He had this girl Rachel that kept leading him on, but all she wanted was him to pay for things. When he asked her out to prom she completely shut him down… He thought they were dating.”

“Is every girl named Rachel a total witch?” I asked. She raised a questioning eyebrow, “My wicked step-mother’s name is Rachel too.”

She nodded. I think she would have kept talking to me for a while, but Mr. Brandt started the rehearsal. He felt like we had the music for the first three songs for our first show down, and we worked on polishing the three songs that would be for the second show. Destiny had explained to me that we’d do the first show twice, once for our first home game, and once for our first away game, before switching to the second show for the next three games or so. Usually that was as far as they used to get, but with Mr. Brandt she thought we might actually end up doing three full shows that year. Once the year started though, we didn’t practice as often, so she wasn’t sure.

Unlike in Atlanta where we would have had marching band as a class, here it was an extra-curricular activity. We would practice two evenings a week from six to nine, and that would be it. ‘Weird,’ had been my first thought. The thing I liked about that though is it meant we had the two ‘concert’ bands the whole year. Mr. Brandt had just confirmed that morning I would be in the top band and likely Alyssa would too. Unfortunately, Danielle was getting the typical freshman treatment and being placed in the second band.

Breanna, as a bassoon player, would be in the top band automatically because she played such a weird instrument. ‘At least she seems to be having fun playing bass drum!’ I thought to myself with a laugh when I turned around and saw her making a funny face at me. Marching with a bassoon wasn’t something anyone wanted to do!

The afternoon rehearsal passed quickly, and Mr. Brandt decided to cut practice a half-hour short that afternoon because everything was going so well. ‘Cool!’ I thought to myself. My mom wasn’t able to come pick me up yet, so I hitched a ride with Alyssa’s mom back home. I looked in the fridge and realized all of the ingredients for making a fondue were there, and decided to surprise my mom by making dinner.

It took me a good half-hour to grate the cheese and cut up everything, but when she called at the very moment I finished I smiled, “I’m on my way home now, do you want me to pick up something, or shall we go out?” She asked me.

“Umm… Why don’t we go out?” I hedged.

“Okay, make sure you’re ready,” she told me.

“Okay,” I said and hung up with a giggle. Everything was setup, and I had just poured in the beer when she came in.

“Taylor…” she stuttered for a moment, “Taylor Elizabeth Landt,” she said angrily, “why do you have an open beer bottle in your hand?!?!”

‘Wow, this isn’t going like I planned it,’ I thought. I almost started crying because I hadn’t been yelled at like that all summer. “I’m making fondue for dinner… I thought I would surprise you…” I said while biting my lip and trying not to cry.

“Oh.” She said, and silence fell over the room. We both just stood there for a moment before she came over to give me a hug, “I’m sorry sweetie, I should have known better than to think you would be drinking a beer like that.”

I nodded with a sniffle.

She hugged me for a long moment before looking around and realizing I really had done everything to make it. “I’m impressed,” she told me.

“So you’re not mad at me?” I asked.

“Of course not, I’m sorry for yelling…” She said. “Though in the future would you wait and I’ll open the beer if you make one of these?”

I nodded.

“You’re too young for it you know,” she added.

“It doesn’t even taste good,” I told her.

“You would know this how?” She asked with her voice raising back up a step.

“I tasted some of Daddy’s at a party once.” I admitted.

“Once?”

I nodded, “Once was enough, it’s gross!”

She smiled, “Good girl. Please continue to think that for a very very long time,” she told me while she gave me another hug.

After she washed her hands she turned on the fondue pot and let me mix in the cheeses. She told me when to add more cheese, and then pepper and salt. “Did you rub a garlic clove in there first?” she asked me as I thought it was about ready.

I nodded, “I saw you do it before.”

“Well, I guess I’ll have to teach you how to cook a few more things,” she mused. “But things without alcohol for a while I think!”

I blushed.

“So how was your date?”

“It was…” Screech! “It wasn’t a date…” I corrected suddenly catching myself.

“Uh-huh… There were other people there right?” she asked.

I nodded and listed off the names of everyone there.

She seemed kind of surprised by that many and I think she thought for a moment that maybe it was more innocent than she figured it was. Mom could see something in my eyes though, “So do you think he’s cute?”

“Umm…”

“Be honest.”

I nodded, “Really cute,” I admitted, adding, “He’s also really sweet too!” She asked me a hundred questions about him.

“So why the sudden hesitation about him?” She asked me as I was just putting a piece of cheese-coated bread into my mouth.

It felt like lava because I’d forgotten to blow on it. “Ah…” I griped quietly. “Well… he figured out who Dad is.”

“So?”

“So… I don’t really want everyone in school knowing my dad is a professional football player… but I’m also really worried if he looks up any stories about him.”

She looked at me for a moment, before opening her eyes a little wider, “Oh…”

I couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of that yet. I knew Rachel certainly had, I figured it was half of why she was so against me being a girl. I think she’d rather I had gotten all of the internal organs removed and been given male hormones to become a guy ‘yuck!’ I thought to myself.

“What are you going to do when someone puts it together?”

I noticed her use of the word ‘when.’ I frowned and looked down, “I guess I’ll end up telling the truth. I mean, I really am a girl, it’s not like I’m not… But I have to imagine some of the comments could be pretty bad.”

“Do you care?” she asked me.

“Depends on who it is,” I admitted.

“If Cameron figures it out and has a problem with it?”

I felt a tear in my eye, “I don’t know. I really do like him!” I told her.

She reached over from her stool and gave me a big hug, “It’ll be okay sweetie.” She worked for a bit to calm me back down before we got back to the cheese that was still boiling in the pot. I found myself climbing back into my own mind and shell as we finished dinner that night, and she insisted that she clean up herself after dropping me back off at practice.

I couldn’t help but notice at practice that night, as we cleaned up the first song and worked on the second that Cameron seemed to come over to my side of the field more than the other. I felt like he might have been watching me most of the time, and it made me feel a little self-conscious. One time when I felt like he was looking I smiled and waved, amused that he turned bright red and shyly waved back to me. We finished practice that night with the first song sounding and looking sort of like it was supposed to, and the second song about where the first one was the night before. We weren’t moving through that many sets, so I knew it wasn’t going to compare with the group I would have been in Atlanta.

Atlanta.

I would be going home next weekend as the girl Taylor for the first time. Or, maybe I should think of it as Taylor Elizabeth, versus Taylor James that I had been before. I needed to talk to Dad about seeing if we could get together quickly with my old horn teacher to let him know what was going on… and I didn’t know what else we were going to do. Flying out so we’d be there by lunch on Friday, meant we had that afternoon and evening to kill. I figured Saturday we’d have our traditional breakfast ritual that we always did on game day for Dad, before we’d head out to the stadium by noon. It was supposed to be an earlier game, two o’clock kick-off, so it would kill the whole afternoon. I figured we’d go to dinner that night like normal, and then fly home Monday morning. I figured Sunday would be the only unplanned day really.

‘It’s going to be a long weekend…’ I thought, as I knew that realistically Dad wouldn’t know what to do with four giggling girls. ‘Oh my God!’ I yelled at myself mentally during the drive home, ‘my room…’

My room at his house was decked out in football stuff… mainly to make Rachel happy. I’d have to go back to sleeping in a boy’s room… plus all of those clothes, ‘This is going to be embarrassing,’ I thought to myself. Even knowing that all of my friends knew, I wasn’t looking forward to that!

I half-thought about saying something to Dad about that in advance, but decided I wouldn’t impose on him given how little I would be staying there with him.

I had a dream that night that Cameron reached down to kiss me, but couldn’t reach down that far. Somehow it evolved into him telling me since I was so small I should be playing Barbie’s with his baby sister instead, whom hadn’t met yet, and it was the weirdest dream yet. His baby sister looked just like Kaylie, and… well… it was a really strange dream.

I woke up from that dream and found myself not sure if it was a true nightmare or not. The playing with Barbie’s part had been fun… ‘I never have gotten to play with them before.’ I thought to myself as I rolled to my side and hugged Allie tighter before going back to sleep.

That wasn’t the last time I woke up that night, a true nightmare startled me awake about an hour before I was supposed to get up. I was crying, and couldn’t for the life of me remember what the dream was about. I could only pick out something about home and having a boy’s room. After I tossed and turned for fifteen minutes I gave up and went to the shower to take an early shower.

Mom came into my room as I was brushing through my hair and trying to decide what to do with it. “You’re up early,” she noted as she stood behind me.

I nodded and bit my lip. I wasn’t sure what the nightmare was about that had woke me up, but it really had me spooked. In the shower I came to the conclusion that Rachel had been there too, knowing she was probably at least partially one of the monsters or something.

“Bad dream?” She asked.

I nodded again, “I don’t even remember what it was about exactly, but it was the second time I woke up last night.”

“What was the first one about?” she asked.

I bit my lip, “that one is really embarrassing,” I noted to her. “It was almost a nightmare too… but it ended… sort of okay.”

She grabbed my hairbrush from me and began brushing through my hair herself. “So what happened in the first dream,” I could see her face behind me in my dressing table’s mirror and she was smiling.

I sighed and told her about it, “It was so embarrassing that I couldn’t reach Cameron to kiss him, and then when he told me I should be playing with his little sister...” she was smirking, “It’s not funny!” I told her.

“Then why are you smiling?” she asked me.

I shrugged, “because when I was playing with her in the dream it was kind of fun.” I bit my lip again a little bit more, “You know I never played with Barbie’s or baby dolls, or any of that as a kid because we thought I was a boy.”

She nodded sadly as she found a hair band and put it in my hair. I noticed it changed my hair style quite a bit, and was surprised that I’d never tried it.

“I feel sometimes like I got cheated a bit there I guess,” I admitted.

“I can understand that,” she told me with a smile and a hug. “Feel a bit better after talking about it?”

“Well… about that one.” I admitted. “I don’t even really remember the other one to talk about it though.”

Mom gave me another hug and left me to do my makeup. I’d just finished up when she asked, “Do you want to go out for breakfast this morning?”

I thought for a second, ‘That might be fun.’

“Okay!” I said.

“Do you want to text Alyssa and see if she wants to come?”

I was already doing that, and just received her reply of, ‘sure, give me 2 mins (-:’ so I said, “She wants to come,” as I bounded down the staircase with my purse in hand. I grabbed my concert horn case and put it in the car as Alyssa walked up our driveway. We’d both decided to leave our marching horns at school the night before. Mom wasn’t completely happy about it, but I assured her it would be fine.

“So why are you up and ready this early?” Alyssa asked.

I grimaced, “I woke up early from some nightmares,” I admitted.

The next twenty minutes was a repeat of my talk with Mom in a way, and lasted all the way through the pancakes and bacon arriving in front of me.

“So you really got told by your boyfriend to go play with your Barbie’s,” Alyssa had laughed.

“First of all, he’s not my boyfriend…”

“Yet,” I heard Alyssa and Mom say simultaneously.

“And it was just a dream…”

“So why isn’t this all a complete nightmare?” She asked me.

“Well, the playing was kind of fun in the dream… I’ve never played with Barbie’s,” I told her.

Her face took on a whole new expression of shock. “I’d never thought about that… I mean I know your Mom gave you a Barbie for fun for your birthday… I’d never even really thought about the fact you’d never played with them before.” She said. “I mean maybe early on I would have thought that…” she paused, “no, not even then. You’re such a girly girl; the idea of you playing with boys toys just about boggles my mind.” Thankfully we had a fairly private booth in the corner away from people as we had this conversation.

“Yeah,” I said.

Her face seemed to light up for a moment, but she refused to tell me why. After talking with Mom and Alyssa, and getting a good breakfast, I got to rehearsal and felt better. That was until I saw Cameron and felt my heart start beating fast, and I blushed. “He’s not that tall,” I heard Alyssa whisper in my ear. “We can find you some man killer heels and you’ll be okay,” she added, and we both giggled.

Cameron came over and asked, “What’s so funny?”

I shook my head, “You don’t want to know.”

He looked hurt, “No really Cameron, we’re laughing at Taylor’s expense, you don’t want to know.” Alyssa added.

He seemed to accept that, and joined the two of us to talk for the ten minutes before we started practice again. ‘So much for it being any good to bring my concert horn,’ I thought sadly. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t be thinking about boys yet…’

As soon as I looked at Cameron conducting in the front of the room though I couldn’t keep a straight face to myself with that thought. ‘Mom managed with Dad!’ I assured myself about the height.

 

I hope you’re all enjoying this story! I really appreciate all of the comments on the last few chapters, thank you all!

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 27: Little Girl
 
AT LUNCH TIME that day we all went to Breanna’s again. “Thank you Mrs. West for having us over for lunch this week,” I said as we went inside.

“It’s my pleasure Taylor,” she told me with a warm smile, “but would you please drop the misses, and call me Shannon?”

I blushed a bit for some reason. “Sure,” I said politely. Other than Rachel though, I never called adults by first names. Dad had raised me to always use polite names with adults. It was only because I hated Rachel so much that I called her by her first name. I also couldn’t call her ‘mom.’ ‘No way in Hell would I ever call Rachel mom,’ I thought to myself.

Somehow over the course of lunch Mrs. West… I mean Shannon, brought up the fact that I looked tired. “I woke up to several nightmares last night,” I admitted.

Of course, being part of a group of girls, including little Kaylie, they all wanted to know what it was about. I cringed a bit, as I hadn’t told Breanna’s mom about my problems before… and I was pretty sure Breanna hadn’t either. Explaining that one to a five-year old didn’t really appeal to me much either. I did give the basics though as to the story. I think the girls got the oddity of the playing with dolls; Kaylie and her mom just stared at me blankly though.

“I’d love to have a boyfriend that wanted me to play with my dollies!” Kaylie in all of innocent said. “Is he cute?”

I laughed, “I think so.”

Shannon seemed to grasp there was a detail that was missing. “Were you a tomboy when you grew up or something?”

I found myself playing with the ends of the skirt I had worn that morning as she looked at me. “Something like that...” I smiled at her. I wanted to tell her the truth at that point, she seemed like she was going to be a third mother at the rate we were all going… but with Kaylie there I decided I’d tell a half-truth. “I grew up with my dad… and I didn’t have Barbie’s or anything.”

She gasped, along with Kaylie, “A little girl growing up without dolls?”

“That’s weird.” Kaylie said.

I laughed, “It seems so now doesn’t it, but when I was growing up it seemed to make sense.” I was kind of nervous at that point.

“Kaylie, why don’t you go potty and wash your hands,” her mom told her.

“I don’t need to…”

“Kaylie Ann West…”

“Yes Mommy,” she said sulking away.

“Taylor what’s the story you’re not telling me?”

“It’s kind of a long one,” I told her, hedging a bit.

“Does it have to do with your hospital stay last month?”

I nodded, biting my lip. I thought I could trust her… “I don’t mind telling you, but Kaylie is a little young to understand.”

She nodded, “Short version?”

I sighed and thought, ‘I really hope she doesn’t hate me…’ “Promise me you won’t tell anyone else, about this please, ever…?”

Breanna’s mom looked at me with new concern in her eyes, but nodded, “I promise. I take it the girls already know?” She asked.

I nodded, “They’ve known almost as long as I have… well, Alyssa knew basically the same time, and I told the other two a couple weeks later.”

She nodded at me, before reaching across the table and holding my hand. “I do promise, I won’t tell anyone.” I looked into her eyes and believed her. She looked over at Alyssa, “Would you mind playing with Kaylie and keeping her occupied for a few minutes?”

“Sure,” she said with a smile. Until I had come along Kaylie always latched onto her first, so she knew it would be okay.

With Kaylie occupied I sighed, and started, “I spent the first thirteen years of my life growing up thinking I was a boy.”

Even with all of her guesses, apparently she hadn’t come anywhere near this thought, and I watched her eyes widen and her mouth literally drop. “No, that’s not possible.”

“I wish it wasn’t…” I said with a smile, “When I was born they did the ‘it’s a boy!’ declaration and everything. The problem was that they were wrong…”

“So you’re a transsexual?”

I shook my head, “In my case they literally were wrong. A few months ago my breasts budded…” I smiled and wryly added, “A little confusing when you think you’re a boy and growing up with an NFL Linebacker as your dad.”

She smirked, “That would be a little awkward.”

“If my step-mother wasn’t such a witch I would have told her, but I couldn’t. She and I just kept fighting, and the worst of it happened the day I figured out what was going on with my breasts. I was going to ask her about them, but we had a massive fight.”

“That happens,” she said sadly.

“Well, for most families it happens — for me it was constant… After a final fight I asked to come live with Mom.” I smiled, “I didn’t have to tell her. On like the third day I was here she saw me leave to go jogging with Alyssa and was a little unnerved by what she saw growing on her son.”

I wasn’t sure how long the privacy was going to last, so I just wrapped up the rest quickly, “Basically they figured out something was wrong between that and my not growing, and decided to do an ultrasound to see if anything was wrong…”

“Cancer?” She asked.

I shook my head, “No, but ovaries and a uterus were a little out of the ordinary. It turns out what I thought was a…” I choked a bit; this was embarrassing, “a penis was actually a malformed vagina.”

She sucked a deep breath in, “Whoa, you have been through the wringer the last few months, haven’t you sweetie.” She came over and gave me a hug.

“Yeah, you might say that.”

“So what was the surgery for?” she asked.

“The surgery was to give me a normal female appearance down there. They had to do it quickly because they were worried I would start having my periods soon.” I grimaced a bit about that, “They beat it by two weeks.”

She laughed at me, “Every girl hates them, but that means you can be a mother and have babies someday.”

“I don’t even know what to do with them,” I confessed, “But, I think someday that might be nice.”

“Taylor! Taylor! Taylor!” Kaylie came up to me and pulled on my arm. “You hafs to come play Barbie’sth with me!” She had a little bit of a childish lisp still that was cute. I was glad that Alyssa had occupied her long enough to get my story out.

“Just a moment and I’ll be right there,” I told her as I stood up.

“Okay, I’ll be waiting!” she told me with a smile that meant business.

“You’re a very brave young lady Taylor for dealing with all of this,” she said to me, “Now you’d better go, or there will be no peace from that little one,” her mom said with a laugh. Breanna’s mom, Breanna, and Danielle all gave me a hug before the other two girls joined me in going to Breanna’s playroom.

Earlier in the week she had brought me a lot of dolls to see and tell me their names, but I had no idea just how many dolls would be in that playroom! “Some of them used to be mine,” Breanna said with a smile as she heard me gasp.

It was not a small room, and shelves of Barbie Dolls, baby dolls, and other toys fit for a little girl were everywhere. Kaylie was standing in front of a large doll house and we spent the next twenty minutes with me being introduced to how to play with Barbie’s by Kaylie. She was truly appalled that I had never played with them! When it was time to go she said, “Taylor do you have to go?”

I smiled at her, “Yes I do Kaylie, but I’ll be back another day, okay?”

“Promisthe?”

“Promise.” I told her and took hold of the pinky she was holding up with my pinky.

“You handled that well,” Breanna said.

“Huh?”

“When she latches onto a friend or someone it’s usually hard to get her to believe they’ll be back. She hates losing playmates!”

I smiled, “Well, I figure we’ll be back for lunch tomorrow.”

As we drove up to the building to go inside I noticed that there were some really black clouds rolling in. The wind was picking up, and by the time I sat down I was pretty sure we were about to get a pretty good rainstorm that afternoon. Mr. Brandt seemed to be looking anxiously out the door as I pulled my concert horn out of the case for a few minutes to practice. I managed to get a run-through of my two audition pieces in before he stood on the podium.

“Does anyone have money for band shirts?” He asked. “I have them in the office if you have your money, and I’ll go ahead and take care of that right now while we wait for everyone else to get here.”

I looked around as I put my horn in its case and realized it seemed like we were missing some people still, but it was definitely time to start rehearsal. I walked to his office quickly and paid for my shirt and looked at the black shirt with our mascot on the front of it. The back was blank, but the front was really colorful. Thankfully he had bought a few extra-small shirts, because even the extra-seemed like it was a bit baggy on me.

“We’re going to have to do something about a uniform for you,” he grimaced as he looked at me.

I hadn’t even thought about the fact my uniform would be a problem… “Do we need to order one?” I asked, concerned.

“We might have one small enough, I’ll have to see. Remind me tomorrow to have Julie help you out up there in the uniform room. You’re definitely the smallest girl that’s been through here for a while…” he smirked, “I’d just put you on the flag line, but I don’t want to lose such a valuable horn player.”

“Not to mention I’d kill myself with the pole!” I smiled at him.

He laughed, “Probably not, you’ve picked up the marching really quickly. It’s almost a shame we don’t have more to offer you here,” he told me sadly.

I moved out of his office and he took the next person while I took the shirt off from over the top of the tank top I had on. The black just didn’t go as well with my blue skirt, as the white top. Destiny came and sat next to me as I was setting it down. “Did he have a shirt small enough for you?” I thought she was making fun of me for a moment, but she said, “I know other girls have had that problem in the past… and you’re smaller than they are.”

I nodded, “Close enough. It’s still a bit baggy, but it’ll work.”

“What size did he give you?”

“Extra-extra small,” I said with a bit of a blush.

“Probably rough finding clothes to fit you in general, isn’t it?”

I sighed and nodded, “I don’t think I’ll ever really outgrow the kids departments…”

“Just what size are you?”

“Girls ten or twelve normally,” I replied. “Occasionally I can find a size zero or one item in some stores junior sizes that fit me. It’s rare though…”

She smiled at me, “You seem to manage well enough, you dress like a normal high-schooler.”

“It takes a lot of searching!” I said with a smile, “And going into stores I will not admit to shopping in!”

Destiny laughed with me. Mr. Brandt wrapped up with the t-shirts about fifteen minutes later and we began rehearsing more on the shows. He seemed to be focusing on polishing the music for the first show, and little bit on the second show. He was just about to give us a downbeat midway through the afternoon rehearsal, and when he brought his hand down thunder shook the building loudly!

We all laughed uncontrollably, the timing of it was amazing. The lightning must have struck just outside the building though! It was like that was the beginning of the floodgates opening; he decided a break would be a good idea to let us get the giggles out. In the meantime it was a torrential downpour outside! The rain rang out loudly on the roof, and as I looked out a hallway window I could see the parking lot was flooding in spots, and it had only been raining for ten minutes!

He attempted to run rehearsal for another twenty minutes before the rain just became too loud. About the time he was trying to tell us something the power went out. It came back on less than a few seconds later, but flickered right back out, and back on. “Great, this’ll be fun tonight,” he said aloud.

I noticed he got his phone out and seemed to be checking something on it. Whatever he saw didn’t make him feel that good. He went and looked in the parking lot, and finally came back over to the podium. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said while using the loudspeaker he used outside to talk over the rain, “I don’t think we’re going to be able to get much more done inside right now, or really tonight. With the way the rain looks out there I think you would have to swim in order to march tonight… So…”

“First things first,” he said thinking to himself. “Tomorrow night is the parent’s night performance and barbeque. Section leaders; please make sure you plan to be there early tomorrow evening to help me paint a field in the grass, and everything else. In fact I need to see you right after I dismiss everyone today.” I heard a nervous chatter about the room as all of us sensed we were about to get out of rehearsals for the rest of the day!

“Everyone else, I expect you to wear your band shirt and a pair of jean shorts. Make sure you bring whatever is on your sections list to the party, and please invite your parents. This is a chance to show them your work from this week.” He smiled.

“Now, we will have practice tomorrow morning, and it will be outside. We may even be outside after lunch tomorrow to try and make up for lost time tonight. After this week we’ll move to just one practice a day in the evenings after sports are done. We need everyone here for those, do you understand?”

He had the drum majors call us to attention and we did our ritual sound-off drill as a group. Even with the rain, it was pretty loud when everyone shouted in unison, and it certainly gave me goosebumps. When he dismissed us Alyssa and I called her mom to come pick us up.

“Umm… Taylor?” Alyssa said just as we noticed her mom’s car and were getting ready to run out to it.

“What?”

“You do realize you’re wearing a white cami right now, right?”

I looked at her like she had spoken another language, “So?”

She looked at me with the same expression and leaned down close to my ear. “So… if you have a white shirt like that get wet it’s going to show your bra off to everyone, including Cameron over there!”

“Oh.” I said dumbly. I pulled the straps of my horn case off my back and flung on my new band shirt. “Better?”

She nodded and we ran for it together.

By the time we reached her mom’s car we were both soaked to the bone! “Eeww…” I exclaimed as I sat my horn and loose wet hair fell about my face.

“I agree,” Alyssa said next to me with a sigh. “Thanks for coming and getting us Mom.”

“Not a problem girls.” She said. “You guys have rehearsal later, in this?”

We both shook our heads, “No, he cancelled it tonight.”

The two of us had spoken in unison and giggled all the way home. “What are you doing tonight?” Alyssa asked me as we pulled into the driveway of my house so I didn’t have to walk quite so far in the rain.

I shrugged, “I thought about practicing for my audition a bit more…”

“How can you possibly play any better?” She asked, exasperated.

I laughed, “That’s what my dad and Rachel always ask. He bought me that silent mute because of it.”

“So that’s all you’re going to do?” She asked.

I shook my head, “I probably should help Mom with laundry and stuff… especially since I haven’t been home the last three nights, she’d probably like to see me.”

Alyssa nodded at me. “And I’d like to see you!” Alyssa’s mom said looking at her.

“You always see me,” she said.

“Not this week. Aren’t you guys having some sort of sleepover tomorrow night? Leaving town next week?”

“I get it Mom, I love you,” Alyssa said with a shake of her wet hair. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” she told me.

I smiled, “See you,” and then promptly frowned as I ran through the rain ten feet to get inside. I was really glad there was a porch on the house so I didn’t have to stand in the rain as I unlocked the door. Mom had a mirror just inside the doorway, and I grimaced as I looked at myself. ‘Shower!’ I told myself as I ran upstairs.

 
THAT EVENING MOM and I washed laundry, including my new shirt for the next day. She and I ended up cuddling up on the couch and watching a musical, Dreamgirls, which I hadn’t seen before. The music in it was great, and I really enjoyed it. I ended up painting her toenails and she did my fingernails and toenails in my new schools’ colors. I was excited for the next day’s performance. As much as I knew it wasn’t likely to set the world on fire back home, it was fun to be with my friends and do something that took so much coordination and effort to make a fun show.

I also talked to Dad for about twenty minutes, and… the big shocker was Rachel for five minutes. She had wanted to know if there was anything special we wanted to do. I mentioned shopping, but other than that I couldn’t see anything that I knew the other girls would want to do. They were flying out with me as guests, and as far as I cared I didn’t have anything I wanted to do other than avoid fighting with her. As I was passed back to Dad I held back from asking what planet the alien was from that had taken her body.

The morning rehearsal seemed to last forever outside. We had started outside, and ran through the show about a hundred times it felt like. Mr. Brandt said, “Fight song!” and I felt like an idiot, because I didn’t know something. He had never passed it out to us, but all of the upperclassmen were playing it from memory.

“That was embarrassing…” I told Destiny as we walked in together for a last hour inside for the morning.

“Finally something I can play that you couldn’t!” She just giggled with glee. I wasn’t going to live this one down.

“Freshmen, come get your music for the fight song!” Mr. Brandt ordered as we walked in.

I spent my entire break playing through it and memorizing it. It wasn’t hard, but I’d need to play it more to have it in my head if we were going to do it that night. I apparently started a rush of freshmen doing the same thing. By the end of the next hour of rehearsal we had that down as a band, and the alma mater. “Alright, be back here in an hour so we can run through the show a couple more times and then I’ll let you go till the barbeque!” Mr. Brandt had said.

I noticed Destiny and the other section leaders giggling and talking together. It wasn’t uncommon for the others to do so, but it seemed strange for Destiny. She smiled in my direction and I wondered if she was plotting something. ‘She’s been well behaved and nice since Tuesday, I’m sure it won’t be anything bad,’ I tried to assure myself.

The four of us once again ate lunch at Breanna’s house and I kept my promise to play with Kaylie. She was so cute, it was fun to just watch her and interact with her when she wanted you to. “You can take her with you, you know,” Breanna had joked with me on the way back.

“I think you would miss her,” I said.

“No, not really.” She smiled back. “She’s not always the sweet innocent little girl that she is around you!”

I laughed at her, and we all made our way back to our seats. We were introduced to a few traditions the band had during that afternoon rehearsal, including some chants that were a lot of fun to scream together. After another couple run-throughs of the show outside in the blazing summer heat, he let us go. Reminding us what to bring, wear, and to take our instruments with us to the park. He had his truck and a couple of drummers trucks loaded up to haul everything the few blocks to the park.

I just carried my marching horn into my mom’s car though, as she picked up the two of us that day. Mom had taken off the afternoon to help out with the barbeque. We had about two hours before we were supposed to go though. “Want to do our hair the same?” Alyssa asked me as we drove up to my house.

“Umm… sure!” I said.

“Let’s go over to my house, I have a few things over there I don’t think you have.”

“Be back no later than an hour,” Mom told us as we got out of the car. “I want to make sure they don’t need any help there.”

“Okay Mommy,” I told her with a sweet smile.

She laughed at me, “Go already!”

Alyssa and I ran up to her room and she opened up a drawer of her dresser I didn’t remember her opening much before. “Hopefully I still have enough…” she said as she dug around, “aha!” she exclaimed triumphantly a moment later. She pulled out two spools of ribbon that were the school colors.

“Okay, so what are we doing with those?”

“You’ll see in a moment, sit down here,” she told me, pointing to her chair she kept in front of her dresser mirror, but turned it away from the mirror.

“This feels like déjá  vu,” I told her.

She laughed, “A little bit,” she smiled back at me.

I had pulled my hair up into a ponytail that morning, since I didn’t feel like doing anything else with it. I felt her tug the rubber band out that I had used, and left it off to the side. She brushed out my hair for me, and I couldn’t help but feel goosebumps along with my body. I was fairly purring by the time she stopped brushing and looked down at me. “You really like your hair being brushed, don’t you?”

I nodded, “As long as there are no snarls!”

She laughed, “Yeah, those hurt.”

I felt her part my hair off to each side, and pull them up into what I assumed were pigtails. She also combed down bangs in front of my face and attacked them with a curling iron.

I felt her start tying things in my hair then, and I assumed it was the ribbons from the drawer. “Done!” she told me with a giggle.

As soon as I turned around I grimaced. “I look like I’m Kaylie’s age!”

“She’d love that!”

I pouted and stuck my tongue out at her. “Your turn,” I said after a moment.

I worked on her hair, and it only took me about five minutes longer than it had her. I was happy to see her head now look as young as mine, but with my height I looked like I was her elementary age sister. I shook my head, “It doesn’t help that the band shirt is a bit baggy still.”

“Well, how many high-schoolers need child sized shirts?” She laughed at me.

“Me!?!” I said.

“Come on and let’s go see what your mom is up to.” She told me as she hefted up her overnight duffle bag and sleeping bag for that night’s sleepover.

The two of us went back over to my house and put hers in my car. Mine was already packed upstairs, so I just grabbed it and threw it in the back too. My sleeping bag joined after a trip to a downstairs closet.

Mom came down from her room right about then and said, “Hi girls.” She looked at me from both sides and shook her head with a big grin, “Cute!” She gave me a big hug and then did the same to Alyssa.

“Thanks,” I said to her with a red face.

“Why are you embarrassed?” Mom asked.

“I look like I’m seven, instead of fourteen?” I said grumpily. I wasn’t really upset or rude about it, but I was embarrassed.

“Oh enjoy it sweetheart!” she told me with another hug. “Someday you’ll be an old woman like me and wish you could go back and look like a seven-old girl in pig-tails!”

That made Alyssa and I giggle a little bit, and we both took a few moments to find something to drink. While we were sitting there talking I heard the snap of her expensive camera. I turned to look at the offending click and heard it snap a bunch more times. “Not fair!” I told her with a shake of my head.

She made Alyssa and I pose together on the couch, and outside, before saying, “Let’s go!”

It was a five-minute drive to the park where we were having our barbeque and show. I was amazed to see a football field painted in a large field that looked like it had little stands. “It’s for kids football,” Mom told me, confirming my suspicions. Mr. Brandt looked like he was putting a sprayer back in his truck though, so it must have been his doing on the paint.

“Hi Mr. Brandt,” my mom said to him. “Where do you need me to help?” she asked.

All of us ended up being put to work helping to get the barbeque stuff set out. Destiny and the flute, clarinet, and saxophone section leaders all walked up carrying cardboard boxes and big grins on their faces. Destiny came over to me and said, “Cute!”

I groaned and pointed at Alyssa, “It was her idea.”

“You know, for such a girly girl what do you have against pigtails?” she asked me with a smile.

“Why do you say I’m a girly girl?”

“How many other girls came in dresses and skirts at all this week?”

‘Touché,’ I thought to myself as she said it. “I just think they make me look even younger…”

She laughed at me, “Yes, they do, but you look cute!” She looked at Alyssa, “Did you happen to bring anymore ribbon? Maybe the whole horn section can all look the same?”

“I did!” she said.

It was just after six and our section was standing over by the field, all in matching pigtails tied with school color ribbons, when Mr. Brandt invited all of the parents over to watch, and had us stand in our opening block. He had us go through some of the basic marching moves to start off with, and even did a ‘drill-down’ like we had done each day at the end of the day to see who would last the longest. I lasted longer than any other freshman, but the juniors and seniors were way out of my league!

Finally, he had all of us run through the show, and we had a lot of fun with it. I’d just put my horn back in its’ case, and in my mom’s car with Alyssa, when I ran into a lady. “Aren’t you cute, dressed up like your big sister?” The lady asked me.

I felt like a deer in the headlights, and Alyssa giggled. Just when things couldn’t get any worse Cameron jogged up, “Mom I need your keys to get into the van.”

“Oh hi, Taylor, Alyssa, I take it you’ve met my mom.”

I really felt like crawling underneath a rock now. In the meantime Alyssa was trying to explode into giggles, but failing miserably. A toddler girl that was holding onto her hand just looked on with a mocking grin. She obviously didn’t understand anything other than something was funny, but it was like putting salt into the wounds.

“Oh,” the lady said, “You’re the young lady Cameron has been talking about,” she said towards Alyssa.

“Umm… actually, I’m Alyssa, this is Taylor,” she said for me bringing herself back into control.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry,” she said, turning just as red as I was.

“It’s okay, it happens all of the time,” I sighed. I held out my hand to her, “Nice to meet you.”

When we managed to escape from polite talk with her I immediately started poking and tickling Alyssa, “Not fair!!!!” I seethed.

“He’s not your boyfriend yet anyway, so it’s better to meet her now,” Alyssa tried to soothe.

I shook my head. We were walking back to a covered patio when I heard a panicked voice yell “HEADS!!!!”

I turned around towards the direction of the voice and reflexively caught a football that would have hit Alyssa in the chest. I looked to see who had thrown it, or kicked it so badly. One of the drummers was trying to run up to apologize, but I just threw it to where he would be and watched him suddenly catch the football that was in a perfect spiral. ‘I can’t throw very far, or hard, but at least I do know how to throw it right,’ I thought to myself with a grin.

Sure enough that fact wasn’t lost on the boy who caught it like it was a pass in the big game. He continued running over to us with two other guys from the band that I hadn’t yet learned their names, “I’m so sorry ladies, Jake can’t kick straight to save his life…” He pointed at another boy that I remembered played baritone.

I laughed, “It’s okay, thanks for warning us that it was coming.”

I grabbed Alyssa’s arm to turn to walk again when he asked, “Where did you learn to throw like that?”

“My daddy taught me,” I said with a cute grin and a bit of my southern accent creeping in.

“Wow, he must have been good at football in high school.” Jake said, “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I told Jake, “and yeah, he was pretty good in high school.” I felt like absolutely laughing hysterically at the irony of this situation. I was too small to ever play football, and that was about the best I would be able to ever manage distance wise, and I knew it as a ‘boy.’ Now that I was a girl and did it that mediocre they were impressed! ‘Or maybe our football team is that bad…’ I thought to myself.

We escaped from their flirtatious advances and made it to the pavilion without any further incident. It was about that time that Mr. Brandt got everyone’s attention for eating. One of the band members’ dads was a minister, so he said grace for us before we ate. “Okay, parents first,” he said. Then he called out classes in order from seniors to freshman. Of course the seniors were ecstatic about it, while the freshman merely groaned and waited our turn. I wasn’t really that hungry for a burger anyway, but I took one.

Most of the people had finished eating when Mr. Brandt called everyone’s attention. “This has been a really great band camp this week, and I’m looking forward to the fun we’ll have this year. The group has come together as a family like I’ve never seen it, and a few of the section leaders have gotten together and made some t-shirts for their sections. I’d like to let them call them up one at a time and give them to them!”

Somehow I knew this was what Destiny and the others had been up to earlier. ‘It’s probably why she was asking your size yesterday too…’ I thought to myself. The flutes went first, and I watched a pile of hand-painted shirts go out to each of their members. There were two boys in that section and they looked more than slightly embarrassed about it. The clarinets had a similar number of boys in the same boat. Alyssa got called up before me, and I watched as she had a nickname, ‘Lyssa-shine’ on the back of her pale blue shirt. It was cute, and I was still looking at the puff paint and fabric painted designs on her shirt when I heard my name.

Destiny gave me a hug when she gave it to me, and I looked to see the nickname ‘Little Sweet-T’ above my name. All sorts of little girl like flowers and hearts were painted all over the place. My name was spelled out in a really pretty cursive though, and the two pink French horns that were painted on looked amazing. “Thanks,” I said with good-nature.

I figured I would have to wear it at least once the next week, but threw it on over my band shirt, and watched Alyssa do the same. I noticed that it actually fit better than the band shirt, so it scrunched up a little bit with it underneath. There was a public bathroom that I’d been avoiding, but I thought I could go change really quick. “Come on Alyssa,” I said and pulled her with me. Danielle and Breanna also came, and I switched into the shirt properly.

“You look so cute in that,” Breanna said. Her section leader was a boy and hadn’t made shirts for his section. “I’m jealous!”

I just looked at her and laughed before we all headed back to the party. We had a cake as a group, sounded off one more time as a group, and then Mom helped Alyssa and I move our stuff into Danielle’s mom’s SUV. Breanna’s stuff joined the mix shortly, and we were soon off to her house for a night of fun!

“Let’s go swimming!” Danielle declared when we got there.

I felt my expression change though, when I realized I had forgotten something. I wasn’t allowed to go swimming yet… no baths or swimming still for at least another couple weeks.

“What’s wrong Taylor?” Alyssa asked.

“I just remembered I’m still not allowed to go swimming.”

“Why not?” Danielle asked.

“Infection risk,” I said sadly. “You guys go ahead and swim, I’ll sit on the side.” I told them with a smile.

Danielle, Breanna, and Alyssa all took a quick look at each other before Breanna said, “No, if you can’t go with us then we’ll just have to do something else!”

“What do you want to do?” I asked.

They shared another look with each other, before Danielle said, “First, let’s take showers to get the marching band smell off.”

“Okay,” I agreed with that one whole-heartedly.

“Then put on your pajamas.” Breanna said.

Something didn’t feel right here, this felt a little bit planned all of the sudden, but I didn’t argue, “Then?”

“We’ll deal with then, then!” Alyssa said. Danielle’s house was large, and we were all able to shower at the same time in different bathrooms. I borrowed her older sisters bathroom, who was out at that point at a movie, and was soon wrapped in a towel and going through my bag to find my pajamas.

‘Something isn’t right here,’ a part of my brain complained. Allie was at the top of the bag, like a good bear should be, but everything underneath looked mixed up and odd. Instead of the pajamas I had planned on wearing, and swore I packed, I found a pink Disney Princess nightgown that I know I had told mom to never ever buy me... A set of matching underwear was underneath, along with a note, ‘Trust the girls, and have fun — Love, Mom.’

I sighed, ‘Mom’s in on whatever this is…’

I didn’t have much choice on what to wear right then, so I went ahead and pulled on the very pink and little girly nightgown. ‘At least the ones mom tricked me into had Rapunzel only on them…’ I thought. I didn’t even bother to look in the mirror as I put everything else back into my bag and headed down to the living room. I didn’t make it that far though, because Danielle grabbed my arm and dragged me into her room to sit at her dresser she had. I felt my mouth drop when I saw that she was wearing a set of Barbie pajamas that brought her own look down to the age people always suspected I was.

“Cute pajamas,” I said with a smile.

“Want to trade?” she asked me with a smile.

“That’s okay, I’m already looking like I’m five, it won’t make any difference.”

She giggled.

“So what is going on?” I asked.

“Duh! We’re having a slumber party,” she told me with a grin.

A second later Alyssa showed up in a pink Hello Kitty nightgown, and Breanna showed up in a Disney Princess nightgown that she looked like she might have had to squeeze into a bit. She was definitely the ‘larger’ of us, and I was kind of amazed she had made it fit at all. It definitely didn’t look comfortable.

“I get the slumber party… but…?

“Okay, we’re having a slumber party that only girls seven and younger are allowed to be at. No teenagers allowed tonight!” Danielle said solemnly and the other two conspirators behind her nodded in agreement with her. Breanna was grinning because she couldn’t keep a straight face.

“You’re not a teenager, are you?” Alyssa asked accusingly. “We’d hate to throw you out.”

‘This could be fun, oh what the heck!’ I thought before saying, “Oh no, I’m a little girl!” I said with a smile of my own.

Danielle’s mom came in right about then and asked, “Ready for your hair to be done girls?” I wasn’t sure how much she knew of what was going on, but she seemed to be getting into the spirit. I was kind of surprised we weren’t doing it ourselves, but I later learned she thought it was so cute she had to participate in their little scheme. Danielle later assured me her mom didn’t know about everything, just that I’d missed out on a few things as a little girl. She had each of us sit on the floor in front of a chair that she sat in, and braided our hair into a pair of pigtails on either side of our heads tied with pink ribbon. The other girls looked like they had taken a leap back to elementary school as well, and we all giggled non-stop.

“Okay, what’s next?” I asked.

“Well… we heard that a certain girl… who will remain nameless… has never, ever, played with Barbie’s!” Alyssa exclaimed.

“I mean, oh my gosh! What kind of little girl has never played with Barbie’s?!?” Danielle said.

“That would be like a terrible crime!” Breanna said.

All of the sudden I felt all eyes on me, and then I was being dragged to a basement room where a doll house to make Kaylie absolutely envious was setup, along with dozens of Barbie dolls and several tubs of what looked like clothes and accessories. The four of us played with the dolls for a couple hours, giggling and having a good time. At some point her mom came downstairs and took a hundred or more pictures of us playing together. She also had us sit together on a couch with a couple dolls in each hand.

It was embarrassingly one of the most fun times I had ever had in my life. At midnight her mom suggested we start cleaning up though and go to bed. ‘Or at least make me think you are,’ she encouraged. We had just put away the last plastic tub of clothes into a basement closet when her mom came back downstairs with what looked like a picture book in hand.

“Bedtime story?” She asked with a grin.

I found myself giggling with the rest of the girls, tonight had been a blast for all of us. We all got into our sleeping bags and sat up to look at her sitting on the couch. I swore we must have all been five, as she read to us like that from a book called ‘Strega Nona,’ that I had never heard of before. “In a town in Calabria, a long time ago…” she began. It was a really cute picture book story that I promised I would remember to read to my own kids someday.

“Well, good night girls,” she said to us before giving each of us a kiss and a hug goodnight. “I hope you had fun tonight Taylor,” she told me.

“I did, thank you for having us over!” I said with a smile.

“Anytime,” she said with her own smile.

It was only about thirty minutes after midnight at that point, so we of course had no plans to go to sleep immediately. Instead we popped in a copy of Aladdin she had, and continued to just have a good time with each other. I was proud to say I wasn’t the first person to nod off that night, and I was sure Breanna would later wish she wasn’t either! We didn’t do anything too terrible to her, just froze her toothpaste and the bra she had in her bag for the next day. The next morning Danielle woke up just before she woke Breanna up and put both back in her bag. Who said girls were all sugar and spice?

 

I hadn’t originally planned on posting Saturday night, but did so since things seemed too quiet. I’ll be back to posting every other, or every third day here for the next couple weeks. Thanks again to everyone for all of your positive comments, I really do appreciate hearing what you think!

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 28: Making Plans
 
SATURDAY MORNING WAS a bit of a continuation of the night in that her mom made us chocolate chip pancakes and decorated them with faces like IHOP does. Mom was there to pick me up by about eight-thirty, shortly after our chocolaty breakfast, because I had to go home to take care of my still daily task, shower, and get dressed for my audition and lesson.

“Hi sweetie!” she told me with a smile. My hair was still in the pigtails from the previous night, and I knew she was in love with them. I was actually kind of surprised to think back on the fact she hadn’t braided them like that before, just leaving them loose, in the past.

“Hi Mommy,” I said. I had thought about trying to be mean to her to get revenge for last night’s trickery, but I had far too much fun to possibly keep a straight face.

“Did you have a good time?” She asked.

Okay… maybe a little bit of revenge. “Oh yeah Mommy, we played Barbie’s alllll night long, and we…Danielle’s mommy made these cute piggy-tails, and…” I broke up giggling at that point because I couldn’t maintain the little girl high-pitched cute voice anymore.

Mom was laughing right along with me, and after giving me a hug, we drove off to home. There I quickly took care of my daily care… well as quickly as it could be, took out the pigtails, brushed my hair out a little, took a shower, and quickly changed into a pretty dress. I looked at the clock and saw that I had about an hour left before we needed to leave to meet that director, so I started by taking the fingernail polish and toenail polish off from the previous night. It was waaay too bright of a little girl pink for me to look like the sophisticated horn player I wanted to come across as.

I put a coat of a light green that matched my dress on my toes, while I worked on my makeup. ‘Mom will probably yell at me…’ I thought as I put on a bit more eye shadow than she normally would have wanted me to put on. I wasn’t going for a full-on evening look, but I wanted something more than the ‘day’ look I had been wearing. I managed to get everything perfectly the way I wanted on the first try, and grabbed my horn case and music. I knew I couldn’t possibly play while my nails dried, but I did use the mouthpiece to buzz while I waited between coats on my fingers, and the second coat on my toes. When everything looked mostly dry I cleaned up the missed spots, and put on a pair of open toed sandals that had an inch heel, my necklace, charm bracelet, and a pair of earrings that matched my necklace well.

I looked in the mirror a few times, put my mouthpiece back in my horn case, grabbed my purse, and headed to find Mom. “Ready?” She asked as she heard me walk up.

“Uh-huh,” I told her slightly nervously. I didn’t know if they would really be able to make an exception for me, let alone if I was good enough to be worth the exception. Just because I thought I was good, didn’t mean I was really that good.

“I like what you did with your makeup,” she told me as she opened the door for me to enter the garage.

“Thanks!” I told her with a smile. “I was worried you’d yell at me for doing too much…” I admitted. ‘I am nervous, I’m admitting to my crimes without even being accused!’

“For a normal day, yes that would be too much, and I would get onto you… Today though, it’s appropriate,” she smiled at me.

I placed my horn in the back, once again checking that I had my music, before we drove off to meet the director at the high school that hosted the rehearsals. While we drove I tried to continue to be careful with my fingernails. I was sure they were dry, but I wasn’t absolutely sure!

Mom and I chatted all the way there, and she somehow got me to recount every little detail about the previous night. “I wish I could have seen you all!” She smiled.

“We did look cute,” I told her.

She sighed, “I wish we had known when you were a little girl… all of the pretty dresses we could have dressed you up in!”

“I can still dress up in pretty dresses,” I told her, “just wait until prom and homecoming!” I said.

She smiled at me, “It’s not the same though.”

I nodded. I guess she was right. I tried to picture myself as a little Kaylie, instead of the boy they had dressed me as… I would probably have been cuter!

It seemed like no time and we were at the school where I was meeting the director. We followed the directions she had given, and I soon found myself in her school’s beautiful band room, that reminded me of the high school I was supposed to have gone to.

“Hi, you must be Taylor?” The lady asked. She was probably about mid-fifties, graying, but looked like she was very sharp.

“Yes ma’am,” I said and took the hand she offered.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Mrs. Grainger.” She smiled at me warmly, before continuing, “Normally, auditions are done in May, and we don’t let anyone else in later on.” She and I sat down in a couple chairs. She motioned for Mom to sit in a chair off to the side. I sat my horn case on the floor next to me, not feeling right taking it out yet. “But, when Mr. Fark called me… well, he’s someone I know is picky about things. If he’s recommending I hear you I think it’s worth doing so. I need to hear you before I say anything else I think.” She smiled warmly at me.

“I’d be happy to play for you,” I told her, and began to pull my horn out and assemble it. I caught a glimpse of her eyes and noticed they widened at my freshly polished and beautiful rose gold horn. It always seemed to do the trick! I pulled out the two pieces that I had brought to play, placed them on the stand, and checked my slides really quick for moisture. There was just a bit of spit condensation in one of the slides, so I was glad I checked!

“Okay, are you ready?” she asked.

“Sure,” I answered. I could have used a good solid warm-up, but I wasn’t going to get anything more than what I had before I left.

“Okay, first thing, I’d like to hear your chromatic scale,” she asked.

“Any particular range you want?”

“As much as you can play,” she said with a smile.

“Okay,” I said, and proceeded to start with low pedal tones that were ridiculously low, and played to stratospheric heights at the top end of my scale, before returning. She named off four major scales that she wanted to hear, and I played all of them two octaves for her.

“Good,” she said in a much more deadpanned way than I expected. ‘Well, she is probably used to some pretty talented players,’ I told myself. “Now what else do you have to play for me today?”

I showed her what I had brought, and she gave me the nod to play the first one. Having a piano player would have been nice, but I played through the pieces and skipped over long rest sections as I needed to. Once through the first piece I moved to the second. I hoped I showed her I could play very fast, and also really pretty by the time I finished.

“Very nice,” she said to me.

“Thank you,” I told her.

“Well, you certainly are as talented as Mr. Fark led me to believe,” she told me, and I blushed a bit.

“Thanks,” I said.

“If I have you join at this point, I don’t have to worry about chair placement causing problems… we do that in a few weeks at the first rehearsal. Are you going to be able to make Saturday rehearsals regularly?” She asked.

“Yes ma’am and we’re having my horn lessons in the afternoon to make it easy to go from one to the other in one trip,” I said.

“Well, I’d be stupid to not take advantage of your willingness to join the group. I think I’ll just have to take an extra horn on this year.” She smiled brightly at me, “Congratulations!”

“Thank you ma’am,” I said with a smile.

She talked with Mom and I a bit about the costs of the group, when payments were due, things like that before we left to go eat lunch. Mom gave me a hug outside the car as she opened the rear of her Escape. “That was wonderful,” she told me, “I’m so proud of you!”

I smiled at her and returned the hug, “Thanks Mom.”

“Where do you want to go for lunch?” she asked me. “Your choice!”

“How about that Italian place we went?”

“Sure,” she told me and drove off to the Italian section of town.

The waiter there was an older gentleman that flirted with the two of us the whole time. I was feeling pretty happy all around as we left to go to my lesson at one-thirty.

“Hi Taylor,” Mr. Fark greeted me warmly again.

“Hi,” I said with a smile, “How are you?”

“Very good,” he said, and the two of us set about my lesson. It was supposed to last an hour, but before either of us knew it we were fifteen minutes over. We’d worked really hard on the concerto he wanted me using for the concerto competitions, and I was making real progress. He congratulated me on my successful audition, and we planned to meet again in three weeks time, since I would be out the next weekend, and he was leaving Monday to go on a two-week vacation trip to France with his wife.

“What now?” I asked as we put my horn away in her car for the second time that day.

“Now we go take care of something we should have done a month ago!” she told me.

“Huh?”

“I’ve had a daughter for fourteen years, and have no professional pictures of her!” She said with a smile.

“Oh.” I said dumbly. I hated pictures growing up to this point… I wasn’t sure that was going to change.

“Just in this?” I asked.

Mom shook her head, “No, I have another dress and a couple other outfits for you to wear, in a garment bag in the back seat.”

I turned around and realized that there was a blanket in the backseat covering something. I’d been so concerned with my audition and the lesson that I never even noticed. “So we’re going straight to a photo place?” I asked.

Mom shook her head again, “I thought we’d go get your hair trimmed up first and your nails done.”

“Oh, okay,” I said with a smile. I knew I would like that, even if I wasn’t sure about the pictures.

“I figured that would work,” she said with a smile.

“You know me well,” I said with a smile.

It was about three when we arrived at the salon and I was treated once again to a manicure, pedicure, and having my hair trimmed back up. I would love to say it felt like an everyday, ordinary occurrence, but it felt absolutely incredible to be pampered in that way. I left there with the same dress on, but loving the makeup job even more. The lady who had worked on my makeup used a shade of green that made the color of my eyes really stand out. She went a little heavier on the makeup than what I had done earlier, but not much so.

“You look really pretty,” Mom told me with a hug as we walked out to the car.

“Thanks,” I said, squeezing her back. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” she told me.

The photography studio was about a ten-minute drive from the salon, and I found myself a bit amazed by the size of the building. I had my horn over my shoulder, and Mom had a zipping garment bag that looked fuller than I expected as we walked in. They had converted an old warehouse into a massive collection of backdrops, scenes, and had a little park right outside so they could do outdoor shots. One photographer was busy taking pictures of a lady in a wedding dress as we waited for someone to see us at their front desk.

“Hi, may I help you?” a man with slightly disheveled hair asked.

“Yes, we have an appointment for my daughter to have some pictures taken.”

“The name?”

“Taylor Landt,” she said.

He looked through his computer to verify the appointment and said, “Very good, is this the first outfit you want to take pictures in?”

“Yes sir,” Mom told him.

“How many more outfits does she have that you want to use?” He asked before adding, “Just so I can get an idea in my head of how much time in each outfit we’ll have.”

Mom sat there and counted with her fingers, “Five total, including what she’s wearing.”

“That should be great,” he said with a smile. He struck me as the kind of guy who was probably really accomplished at his art of photography, just the way his hair seemed a little out place seemed to say ‘artist’ to me. “Why don’t you follow me and I’ll show you where you may leave your other outfits. By the way, my name is Grant. Is that an instrument case?”

“Yes, it’s her French Horn,” Mom answered for me.

‘Geeze Mom, I can answer for myself,’ I briefly griped. ‘She’s having fun I think though… be nice.’ I yelled at myself.

“So you want some pictures with it as well?”

“Please,” Mom said. “I have a dress I’d like for her to wear with it, and then maybe one of the more casual combinations as well.”

“Okay, if this is the first outfit let’s walk this way, I have a couple of backgrounds and sets I’d like to use, and then we’ll switch. I have a lady who will be able to redo your makeup in different outfits if you need it.”

“Thank you,” I said.

He led me to the first background, which had a crazy mixture of bright colors that were brushed in a seemingly random pattern. “Okay Taylor, I’d like you to stand right here, plant your feet right here. Make sure you stand tall…” he walked to the camera which he had just sat on a tripod. “Take your hair and slide it…” he called out direction after direction, and soon my eyes were growing tired of flashing lights. I smiled brightly though on every picture, trying to make sure my mom would get a perfect set of photos.

“Great,” he said with a smile as he led me to another background that was made of white textured flower pattern that was overlaid and looked liked it was pictures of paper made origami flowers. I liked the background, and I suspected the dress I was wearing would look really good in front of it. He took another five minutes of photos before having me lay down on the background and taking photos like that for a bit. I had to be really careful that I didn’t flash the camera as he had me twist to different poses.

“I think we have enough with this dress, why don’t you go ahead and change into your next outfit,” he said with a smile.

“Okay,” I said and flashed him the same pretty smile I’d been flashing for the last fifteen minutes.

“What am I changing into?” I asked Mom.

“You’ll see,” she said with a smile. She had disappeared for five minutes to the dressing room and pick up some other things from the car.

I followed her there and saw a gorgeous, sleeveless, floor-length black gown that had little beadwork on the skirt scattered about. The sweetheart neckline looked like it would be great on me. I looked around the room and saw another dress that looked more like a younger girls dress. It was a pretty turquoise A-line style dress that had a skirt that really flared out, even hanging there. I blushed a bit as I looked at it, but couldn’t wait to try it on either! Mom had a couple skirts and blouses, and a pair of shorts sitting around too.

“When did you buy these?” I asked Mom.

“I went shopping one day this week when you were in rehearsals,” she told me with a smile. “Well, let’s get you into the black dress,” she said, “and get some photos done with your horn.”

“Okay,” I said, grinning at her.

Mom had pantyhose, matching shoes, and a slip that the dress needed all right there. It took about ten-minutes to change into it and I was a little worried about the time. “Do we have time to take pictures in all of these?” I asked while motioning to the outfits.

“I booked him for two hours, and he said he could stay later if needed,” she told me with a smile.

“Oh, okay,” I smiled back at her.

I switched earrings and she checked my hair for me before going back out with my horn. ‘I’m so glad I polished it earlier!’ I thought as Grant led me to a background he thought would go well with my dress. There was no scene to it, so much as another randomly painted canvas look to the background I thought it would look good too. I was stood in poses, sat in poses, laid down in a pose, and finally he moved me to another background.

“Is this supposed to be Severance Hall?” I asked as I looked at the background.

He nodded, “I’ve gotten enough requests from parents and people wanting photos there that I had a custom background made using some photos I took there,” he said with a smile. “I had to do some licensing with the orchestra, but they were willing to do it for me.”

“Cool,” I said with a smile.

He took a number of pictures that made me appear to be standing and sitting on its’ stage. I couldn’t wait to see them!

For the next photos Mom had me wear the gorgeous dress that she called a party dress. I looked like I was closer to eleven than fourteen, but it was a cute dress and I felt pretty in it. The skirt had a considerable amount of tulle on the inside of it that caused it to poof out so much, and thankfully a slip built-in underneath it. I had a feeling the material would itch pretty bad without it.

“You look so pretty!” Mom told me as she stood behind me observing my reflection in a mirror.

“I look like I’m eleven,” I said trying to fake grumpiness. Even looking younger than I was, it was a really adorable dress!

She gave me a hug and said, “Might as well get you into a dress like this once!”

I smiled, “I do look cute,” I admitted.

Mom had him take my picture in that dress in front of multiple backgrounds, and even a couple with my horn before moving to a background that was more of a children’s background and handing me Allie to hold. I stuck my tongue out at her, wondering how she got hold of her after the sleepover, but just shook my head. I found myself blushing as Grant chose the moment of my tongue sticking out to take a picture. With my face reddening he snapped another few shots in rapid succession.

There was a seemingly unending set of pictures in that dress before Mom helped me out of it and I wore a simple pleated jean skirt and a blue blouse with a ruffled collar for the next set. Mom even joined me for a number of mother/daughter pictures in that set. Her outfit coordinated well with my outfit, so I was sure the pictures would be cute!

A pair of shorts replaced the skirt for a few more with my horn, before we returned back to the room and I thought I would just be cleaning up so we could go home…

“Okay, one last outfit!” Mom told me with a smile and a gleam in her eyes. From a bag she pulled a folded pair of pajamas that looked like they were from the same rack as my nightgown from last night, but in purple.

“You’re kidding, right?” I asked incredulously. “Pictures, in those?”

“Plllleeeeeeaaaase?” she pleaded, looking just like me when I was begging for something.

I looked at her, glaring.

“Pllleeeeeeaaaasssse?” she asked again.

I sighed, “If you hadn’t been the most awesome mom of all time in the last couple months…” I griped.

“Yay!” Mom said, knowing she had won.

I shook my head and said, “Let’s get this over with.”

She gave me a hug, and I switched from my normal shorts and blouse into the embarrassing pajamas. They were incredibly comfortable, but a fourteen-year-old girl had no business having pictures taken in them… Mom further embarrassed me by helping me clean off my eye makeup, and changed my lipstick to just a simple lip-gloss. With a little bit of touchup of everything again, she put my hair into two pigtails on either side of my head, and handed me my pair of bunny slippers.

I just shook my head as I followed Mom back to meet up with Grant.

“Cute look,” he said with a smile.

I shook my head and felt the pigtails bounce. Mom had tied them off with a matching purple ribbon… I was embarrassed as we started taking pictures, but the truth of the matter is I was still having fun. I knew I was cute, and I figured I could swear for the rest of my life we took these pictures when I was nine and be done with it! Grant apparently felt inspired by my look, and we took pictures in four of his scenes, including one on a bed with a white bedspread. All of them were cute; fun looking pictures that I had a feeling really would look like they were taken when I was nine.

“Is that all of the outfits?” Grant asked.

“Yes it is. Thank you so much for your time,” Mom told him.

“It’s not a problem, this was a lot of fun compared to most of the portraits I’ve done in the last few weeks.”

“When will we be able to look at them?” Mom asked.

“Well, if you want we can go look at them on the computer right now. I’m also okay with giving you a CD to take home and look at and you can call me to let me know which photos you want. We can also do this the traditional way of me printing some four by six proofs and you can sort through them that way.”

Mom and I looked at each other, before she said, “How long would the proofs take?”

“I could probably have them done in an hour,” he told us.

I looked at Mom’s watch, since I never wore one, and saw it was about five-thirty. “How late are you open?” I asked.

“We’ll be here till eight tonight, I have a family coming in for a portrait at seven,” he said. “If you wanted to go get dinner and come back I could have those done for you then, you could then look through them and give me your decisions.”

I looked at Mom and she told him, “Let’s do that. I think it’ll be easier to pick out the photos we like.”

“Sounds good!” he told us with a smile.

Mom and I walked back to the room and I tried to decide what I was going to change into. I noticed her glance at the more juvenile dress, hoping I think that I would choose it. ‘Oh what the heck…’ I said to myself. “Mom, may I wear that dress to dinner?”

I watched her eyes light up. “Sure!”

‘She owes me…’ I grumped to myself, but kept a smile on my face. She helped me pull the dress on, and brushed my hair back out to its normal shape. A quick change of jewelry again and we carried the rest of the clothing back out to her Escape. I felt fairly conspicuous as I sat down in my seat. The dress had enough tulle fluffing out my skirt that it almost felt like I was sitting on a pillow.

Mom and I ended up driving to a nicer chain Italian restaurant. It looked busy, but the two of us were seated rather swiftly. “You look absolutely gorgeous,” a waitress who looked to be in her twenties said to me.

I blushed and said, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she told me with a wide smile. “Would you like a kids menu?”

“No thank you,” I said.

She took our orders a while later; all the while I was sure she thought I was much younger than I was. “Mom, if anyone asks, I am definitely not fourteen!” I told her with blush and a red-faced smile.

“My nine-year-old daughter?” she joked with me.

“Yes Mommy,” I said while rolling my eyes.

As embarrassed as I was, I had to admit the dress really was pretty, and it was fun to wear it. ‘Maybe this is what it would have felt like to play dress-up as a little girl.’

Dinner was very good, and we soon returned to the warehouse to look at the proofs. “Come right in here,” Grant said when he saw us. A long table was well illuminated and setup to look at proofs. “I organized them by outfit and scene for you here,” he said while pointing to stacks of proofs. “You might want to look at each group and pick your favorites, then go from there.” He advised.

“Okay,” Mom said, “thanks again for all of your help.”

He smiled at us, and said, “My pleasure.”

Mom and I started going through each stack and I knew it was going to be tough to decide which ones to have enlarged. I noticed for the first time I seemed photogenic… I could never have said that as a boy. My smile seemed more genuine than it ever had in the past, and it was well into an hour before we had chosen the proofs to get printed. “The pajama pictures are cute,” I had to admit as we came to the last group.

“See, I knew what I was doing,” she said.

“Yes, but I was nine when we took those!” I told her.

“Nope, you were fourteen,” she told me with a hug.

We finished our photo selections and headed back home after a really long day. I was still in my dress when we arrived home and Alyssa and her parents were just coming home too. She saw us and waved, before I watched her run over to see me.

“Oh my God, you look adorable!!!” She said as soon as she was standing next to me. “Did you audition in that?”

I shook my head, “Worse, I had portraits taken in this dress.”

She covered her hand to contain her laughter. “I can’t wait to see them!”

I shook my head, “I look cute, too cute.”

Her mom insisted on a closer look at the dress too, and before I knew she, her mom, my mom, and I were sitting around our table at home having some tea and talking to each other. They stayed over for about an hour during which Mom showed them the proofs of the photo extravaganza. All the while I was grateful Alyssa was my best friend… an enemy could have way too much fun with information like this!

 
SUNDAY AND MONDAY passed in quick succession, and I wondered where they had gone. Since sports practices had started during the second week of practices we didn’t have morning or afternoon practices anymore. I appreciated having that time free, managing to go for a walk each morning, and I hoped in another week when I got back from the trip and visited the doctor again, I would be released from all of my restrictions.

It was about three in the afternoon on Tuesday that I looked down on my phone to see who was calling, and just about felt my heart stop. There was a picture of Rachel with devil’s horns drawn above her showing, and her name. ‘It really is a fitting picture to have on her when she calls,’ I thought to myself. I hadn’t received a call from her since before I moved, so I almost didn’t know if I wanted to answer it.

“Hello?” I said shakily. ‘Maybe Dad is just borrowing her phone…’ I thought to myself as I answered.

“Taylor?” I heard Rachel’s voice.

“Yes,” I said with as friendly and happy of a tone as I could, “Rachel?”

“Yes, how are you doing?”

“Pretty good,” I answered hesitantly. I really wasn’t sure what to make of this phone call so far, “You?”

“Excited that you and your friends are coming down!” she said with what sounded like genuine happiness at the thought.

“So are we,” I replied.

“You have three friends coming with you, right?”

“Yes; Alyssa, Breanna, and Danielle will be flying down with me.”

“Great!” she said with that same sincerity and it was unnerving, “Did you guys have anything in particular you wanted to do down here?”

“Not really. I thought we could maybe go to North Point at some point to do some shopping. I don’t know if there are any concerts going on anywhere in town that would be worth going to… I suppose the art museum, Coca-Cola World, or Six Flags might be possible too,” I told her.

“So nothing really specific?”

“Other than watching Dad’s game, no.”

“So would you be okay with me planning some things?” She asked.

I was nervous, but she sounded friendly right now, I didn’t want to upset that, “Umm… sure.” I found myself saying. “As long as you don’t mind letting my friends veto anything they don’t want to do,” I added.

“Sure,” she said. “So what have you been up to the last few weeks?”

‘Have aliens abducted her, or what?’ I thought silently. “Well, mainly resting for a couple weeks before we started band camp last week. That was all day, every day last week. This week we only have evenings, so it’s not as bad,” I added.

“Is that it?” She almost sounded disappointed.

“No, my friends and I got together for a sleepover on Friday and had a lot of fun. Mom picked me up from there and I had an audition for an area honor band that meets every weekend once school gets started up.”

“Your dad told me you made it, right?”

“Yes, they normally don’t make exceptions, but I guess I’m good enough the director was willing to make that happen.”

“Congrats,” she told me. “Music is all you have done?”

“Well, Mom took me to go get some pictures taken after my lesson Saturday in a whole bunch of different outfits,” I told her. “The photographer took a lot of cute pictures of me,” I said that last part gleefully.

“Make sure you bring some down for us!” She told me.

“I will.”

“Well Taylor, I need to get going, I just wanted to check in with you and see what you wanted to do this weekend. I think your dad will pick you up from the airport on Friday, and I’ll see you when you get here,” she said.

“Sounds good, see you Friday,” I said with more enthusiasm than I felt.

“See you then!”

‘That was weird…’ I found myself thinking as I pulled the phone away from my ear and pressed ‘end call’ on my phone.

“You’ll never believe who called…” I said to Alyssa as we rode to rehearsal together later in her mom’s car.

“Who?”

“Rachel.” I said with slightly less disgust than normal.

She seemed to pick up on that, “What did she want?”

“To ask what we want to do this weekend.”

“Really?”

I nodded, “It was weird. It was like aliens had invaded her body or something… she was actually friendly on the phone. She made me almost nervous by how nice she was being,” I said. That really was it… I felt like I was getting a trace of intuition regarding this weekend, and it didn’t feel positive.

“Maybe she’s coming around,” Alyssa said hopefully.

“Maybe,” I allowed. “I’m worried it’s all an act though.”

“So what did you tell her we wanted to do?”

“Well, I suggested one of the nicer malls for a start,” I said with a smile.

“Cool!” She said. “What else?”

I shrugged, “I suggested maybe a concert, Six Flags, or Coca-Cola World… I really have no idea what you guys would want to do,” I told her with a smile.

“Maybe we can talk about it tonight after practice?” Alyssa suggested.

“Sounds good!” I told her as we pulled up to the school. We were quickly distracted though by all of the hard work Mr. Brandt put us through. Time and time again we seemed to be moving across the fake football field while working on our first show. We’d managed by the end of Tuesday to make it through the entire first show without stopping, and pretty good. He seemed confident that we would be able to start work on the second show the next week cleaning up the rough spots in this show through the end of this week. Mr. Brandt even went so far as to say he was going to cancel Friday’s rehearsal because we were doing so well.

Breanna, Danielle, Alyssa, and I did sit down as a quartet to talk about the trip and what we wanted to do together in Atlanta. I had a bit of an awkward moment when Destiny came into the circle and was trying to figure out why we would all go on this particular weekend. I just shrugged and said my dad had an event he’d invited us to attend. I made it sound like some sort of boring thing, but it seemed like fate was conspiring for my friends to learn who my dad was before the year began. The end of the discussion was that none of them had anything in particular they wanted to do.

It seemed like no time and Alyssa and I were on the way home with Mom in her car. “How was practice?”

“Long,” I answered in stereo with Alyssa.

Mom laughed at us, and said, “Two more days and you’ll be heading home to see your Dad,” she sounded like she was trying to remain upbeat about it.

I think she was worried I would change my mind while I was down there and decide to stay there. I decided I needed to reassure her, “Yes, it’ll be a nice visit, but it’ll be even better to come home to my Mom.”

She smiled at me through the rear-view mirror, and it was definitely a good reward for that comment. I told her about Rachel’s odd phone call as we walked into the house. Mom tried reassuring me that everything would be okay, and maybe she was just finally coming to terms with me. I didn’t buy it, but I pretended to. I was walking through the hallway to put my horn down next to the table when I realized something had changed.

“My pictures are done?” I asked more excited than I expected.

“They called me this morning and I went to pick them up after I finished with a case in court.” She told me smiling.

Mom showed me the framed enlargements that she had already put up around the house. She’d managed to replace nearly every photo that had been taken of me as the fake boy, and I felt strangely more comfortable with the photos. My pictures in the pajamas unfortunately had been blown up and placed on a wall to the right of a fireplace in the living room. Mom had placed that picture next to one of the turquoise party dress, and it seemed to me that maybe I had taken them several years apart from these.

“Do you want to make a scrapbook of these to take to your dad?” Mom suggested.

“Sure!” I said smiling.

She and I worked at the kitchen table until midnight that night, doing just that. Every now and then I caught myself looking up at several candid shots the photographer had taken somehow. They mostly included Mom and I in the turquoise dress, and a few of the other outfits. I don’t think either of us was aware of them at the time. He had mounted them in a large frame and it made for a really adorable set of pictures. Grant had really captured the special nature that day had been for us.

I tiredly made my way to bed that night, and gave her a long hug from my bed when she once again insisted on tucking me in and reading a bedtime story to me. She had decided it was a once-a-week thing, and I couldn’t deny that I enjoyed it. “I love you Mommy,” I said.

“I love you Princess,” she told me as she turned off the lights and closed my door.

‘I don’t want to leave her Friday,’ I thought with my eyes moistening that night. I even had nightmares that Rachel kidnapped me and refused to let me go home to her. Thankfully I woke up and realized I was still at home, hugging Allie as tightly as I could hug my bear.

 
Well we’re entering the final section of the book after this post. I’m guessing it’ll be less than eight posts to finish the book out here(eight chapters and an epilogue remain). I hope you all are enjoying the storyline, and really do appreciate all of you who have left comments and or kudos. Thanks for reading!