The sign on the house read, “K.T. Ugbay Wizard at your Service”. The fact that there were no footprints in the snow leading up to the dilapidated structure said that the Wizard had not been of service to anybody since the last snowfall. However, the truth of the matter was that no one had sought the old wizard’s services in hundreds of years.

Why you might ask? Because K.T. Ugbay or “No Way Ugbay” as the other students in the magic academy used to call him, was absolutely the worst wizard in the entire magic kingdom.

In nearly eight hundred years of existence, he’d never gotten a single spell right. His “misfires” had become almost legendary. It was almost as if being a wizard simply didn’t fit poor Ugbay. His hat was too small. His gown was too big and his wand … well it almost seemed as though he’d never been meant to have one.

His inability to cast even the simplest of spells kept even the most desperate customers away. His blasphemous views about mortals made him an outcast in his own kingdom.

Most magic users had a very low opinion of mortals. To them, mortals were like small animals that existed only to be teased and tortured and preyed upon. They were clearly an inferior breed and deserved to be treated as such.

Ugbay however, felt totally different about mortals. He thought the fact that they had to work to achieve their goals as opposed to simply waving a wand or saying a few magic words, gave them a character that most magic users did not have.

They lived a very short finite existence, but to Ugbay they packed so much into it. In their short span they knew hunger, cold, joy, desperation, ecstasy, victory, defeat, love, loss and laughter. At times they struggled mightily but they persevered and they learned and they grew.

And they were connected to each other which was the one thing Ugbay admired about them most. Mortals were rarely alone. They usually lived in communities and often associated in groups called friends, but the connection that Ugbay found to be the most amazing, the most beautiful, the most well … magical if you will, was the family grouping.

In most of these families there was a mother, a father and then various numbers of children. They lived together in a single unit, relying on each other, fighting with each other, playing with each other, and loving each other. These families were bonded together and the members would be connected for life. Ugbay thought this grouping was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

He’d even gone so far as to say that he thought that the mortal magic weaved in these family units was greater than that of the most powerful wizard! He’d commented more than once that he’d gladly turn in his back on magic and immortality, to know life as a mortal.

The other wizards and sorceresses thought him mad and as such never came to visit him nor ever invited him to any of the social functions.

Tomorrow was Christmas, one of the greatest of all magic days. There would be a huge celebration in the square. Everyone would be there, except of course for Ugbay. As he had for the last eight hundred Christmas’s he would be spending it alone with only his cat Muffin to keep him company.

Christmas Eve evening was quickly becoming night. Ugbay held Muffin and looked out his window. In the distance he could see the lights and he knew the magic users were gathering for the celebration.

He scratched Muffin behind her ears and looked at her sadly, “Oh Muffin … I don’t want to be alone, especially on the most magical of all magical days.”

The old wizard shuffled over toward the fireplace. The fire he’d started earlier had gone out. Any normal wizard would simply snap their fingers and set the fire ablaze, but not poor Ugbay. He had to build the fire sans magic because a snap of his fingers would be more likely to cause half the kingdom to burn down rather than ignite a few dried twigs in the fireplace..

“Muffin” the old magic user said, “If you and I were mortals. I bet we wouldn’t be alone. I bet we’d be part of a family. We’d belong somewhere and to someone. I bet these people would love us even if we were less than perfect and couldn’t seem to do anything right. Yes, these people wouldn’t let us spend Christmas alone. They’d come fetch us if we weren’t already there. Oh Muffin it would be the grandest of Christmas’s. I just know it would be.”

Muffin meowed her agreement with Ugbay’s sentiments.

It was then the old wizard got a tiny sparkle in his tired blue eyes. “Maybe we don’t have to spend this Christmas alone Muffin. Maybe I can conjure us up a mortal family to spend it with!”

Muffin jumped off the shelf she had been lying on and immediately looked for a good hiding place. She loved the old Wizard, but she knew his magic was no good. She also knew that not even the most powerful Wizard or Sorceress in the entire kingdom could create a mortal, let alone a whole family. Ugbay was doomed to fail and she didn’t want to be caught in the blast.

“Here now my lady there is no reason to take cover. I assure you my plan is harmless and actually might have some chance of success.”

Muffin was still less than convinced and had no intentions of coming out from under the bed.
She knew the Wizard’s “perfect record” when it came to magic.

“At least listen to my plan won’t you?”

A soft meow came out from under the bed.

“Good”, said the Wizard.

“Now we both know I can’t possibly create a mortal, but with a little luck”, the Wizard paused and reflected a moment, “okay with a lot of luck and just the right help, perhaps I can create a hologram”.

A hologram was sort of like an almost living picture. Most any Wizard or Sorceress could create one. The three dimensional picture looked and sounded exactly like the real thing, but was merely a magic generated illusion. The life span of these illusions could often last months depending on the strength of the magic used. In Ugbay’s case, this meant he’d be lucky to get one to last the night.

The old wizard shuffled over toward the window. “It’s Christmas Eve and as any magic user knows, it’s the most magical night of the year. The Christmas Spirit is in the air and great feats of magic are possible with it, perhaps even for me!”

The Wizard opened the window and cold air blew in. “We’ll fill the house with Christmas Spirit and hope it can boost even my poor magic.”

He then made his way over to a book shelf and took a small blue box from atop it. It was covered with dust and when he blew it off, he sneezed. “I’ve been saving this Muffin. Saving this for just the right time and that, my fluffy one is tonight!”

The Wizard opened the box and poured the contents into his hand. Seven tiny silver charms sat in his palm: booster charms they were called. A child’s toy is what they truly were. The charms, often animals and symbols were created by teacher’s at the magic academy to help the little one’s do assisted magic. The symbols were embodied with magic that sort of helped the toddler wizard perform magic. They would give him or her a little boost and they had safe guards built in to be sure their spells couldn’t go terribly wrong. It was almost like training wheels for wizards.

This box of charms had been found with Ugbay the day he was abandoned in front of the Little Wizards and Sorceresses home as an infant. He had always saved them, waiting for the right time, waiting for when he really needed to make magic. Tonight was the night. If only on this one night, Ugbay would finally get a spell to work. Finally … he would fit!”

“Prepare to spend Christmas with a mortal family, Muffin!” the old wizard promised as he picked the first charm from of his palm.

It was an elephant. He sat the noble beast down in the centre of the room, felt the cold night air at his back, closed his eyes, wiggled his fingers and concentrated with all his heart. Muffin closed her eyes as well.

A cloud of smoke appeared in the centre of the room and when it finally cleared a woman stood where the elephant charm had been just seconds before. She was absolutely beautiful, both in spirit and in body. She was smart, funny, passionate and compassionate. There was a sparkle in her eyes that said she lived and loved life. She was the Queen of this family and there were none better at preparing their children for adulthood.

From the elephant she brought great heart and great strength of spirit. She was brave, but alas petrified of mice. And what is an elephant without a trunk, so the Wizard wiggled his fingers one more time and placed just enough junk in hers to give it a good wiggle. Her name, he knew, had to be Jill.

The next charm the wizard put down was a combination of three things: love, peace and a musical note. When the wizard worked the magic and the smoke cleared a young woman stood in place of the charm. She was beautiful like the Queen. There was no doubt she was a princess in the family and the Queen her mother. Her very essence embodied the three symbols. Her eyes and her heart were full of love. Her passion was for peace and harmony in all things, especially the world upon which she lived. Her voice was a song and when she sang she could charm the birds from the trees. Her name was Emily.

The Wizard placed a tornado or whirlwind charm in the centre of the room. He hoped his magic and his luck would continue to hold. When the smoke cleared this time, another princess stood in the charm’s place. Again, she was beautiful like the Queen, another princess of the family. Her eyes sparkled with enthusiasm and life. Her spirit embodied the energy and the power of Mother Nature. There was no first gear in this girl. She was always in overdrive. She went after everything a hundred miles an hour and like the symbol from which she came, she could lay waste to anyone or anything that stood between her and what she wanted. She loved children, a good sale and was a true whirlwind in the kitchen. She was named Erin.

The next charm made the Old Wizard smile. It was an open book with a cute bookworm sitting on top. Ugbay sat it nearby his other three creations and with cold Christmas spirit at his back, he tried his luck once again. Another cloud of smoke appeared and then cleared and another princess was created. Like the two before her, it was obvious she belonged to the Queen. Her beauty was soul deep as well. She was the youngest and smallest of the three princesses, but no less embodied with qualities of her charm. Being so young, this one’s life was still an open book with many chapters to be written. And like the bookworm she adored the magical world of fantasy. She was a dreamer who knew the only boundaries in life were those of your own imagination and desire. This one would have made a great sorceress. She had almost had a dark gothic look to her although the Wizard was puzzled by the small pink kitty on the shoulder bag she held. She was so blest. Her name was Samantha.

The Wizard picked through the charms in his palm and picked up a hard hat. He wondered what would come from such a charm. He found out seconds later after the smoke cleared. Four for four on princesses as another beautiful girl was created. This one was as beautiful as the Queen and the princess before her, and while she was definitely the daughter of the Queen, this one had come to the family in a different way. She had been chosen by the Queen, because she had captured her heart. And while she had not always been in the royal family, there was no place else she could ever belong and she was loved as dearly and completely as all others. The hard hat symbolized the hard life this one had lead before coming home. It also stood for her work ethic, for this was the hardest working little girl ever. She was on a mission to build a good life and to make her Queen Mum proud. She mixed hard work with a soft heart and a love for all, especially those who hurt or were in need. She was Christina.

This royal family was beautiful but a bit overlade on estrogens. The Wizard was beginning to wonder if there was a man in the palm of his hand. He picked a heart charm with a green peridot stone in it. If his ancient memory served him right, peridot was the birthstone for August. He sat the charm down by the five ladies and worked his charm and spirit buoyed magic. When the smoke had cleared, he’d finally drawn a King. This man was tall and strong and totally handsome. The beauty of his head was not detracted by hair. He was a true brave knight ready to rescue a damsel in distress or a racoon trapped in a soap warehouse. While not one much to watch the joust, he liked him some bumper to bumper NASCAR action. Yes, he was truly Lord of the manor or at least his own backyard, but the symbol of the heart shown through his beautiful eyes for despite the rough and rugged exterior he was a true romantic on the inside and that heart that was his essence clearly belonged to Queen at his side. His name was Jeff.

Finally the seventh and last symbol. It was a very odd one: a cat’s food dish. This made Miss Muffin peek out from her hiding place. “Well I wonder if you’ll have a friend”, he said to her Fluffiness. A gust of wind, a few finger wiggles and when the smoke cleared there was a second feline in the room. She was ever so slightly Reubenesque, a full figured feline. Her black and white markings reminded one of a bovine or cow. She was obvious royalty if only in her own mind. She was refined, dignified and a lady in every way, except for when she was on a catnip bender. Her curtsey was a very cute flop. She loved her some lap and she never met a full food dish she didn’t like. Her name was obviously Cow.

Ugbay looked at the images he created and his eyes misted. For the first time in eight hundred years he’d gotten it right. “Look Miss Muffin. Have you ever seen such a wonderful mortal family? Oh there truly is spirit and magic in the Christmas air tonight. For this Christmas if no other we won’t be alone.”

The old wizard was exhausted now, the magic had taken quite a bit out of him and he headed over to his comfy chair. He’d gotten almost there when a sparkle on the floor had caught his eye. “Now what do we have there?”

He knelt down and picked up a tiny silver charm. “What this? But … but I was sure I had only seven charms.”

He stared in amazement at the eighth charm he’d never seen before. He turned it over in the palm of his hand and smiled as it was a cute and playful kitten. He was thrilled to see there would be one more member of his magical mortal family, but the final addition would have to wait. He was simply too tired to wiggle a single finger.

The Wizard made it to his chair and eased down into it. Muffin immediately took her place in his lap. The spirit of the cold Christmas air continued to blow in. He was simply too tired to get up and close the window. “You and I will take a little nap old girl and when we get up; we’ll do one last bit of magic and see what we get from this kitten.”

Muffin and the Wizard were soon sleeping soundly.

Santa’s number one elf was making her final rounds in the house. “Let’s see. Santa’s cookie is out minus one … okay two bites.” She couldn’t help it. She loved oatmeal raisin.

“His glass of milk is half empty”, she sighed and wished Saint Nick was known for drinking margaritas instead.

All the presents were wrapped and she’d check on all the kids save for the youngest. She peeked into her eight year old’s room and nearly froze her nose off. It was positively arctic in there. She flipped on a light and stared in disbelief at a half open window letting cold air in and precious expensive heat out.

She walked over and shut the window with an attitude. “Katie! Katie Bug! Kay … Tee … Bug wake up!” she shouted. The sleepy eyed princess blinked her baby blues.

“Why is your bedroom window open?”

“Ummm … ummm … I was letting the Christamas spirit in because it’s magical!”

The mother sat on her daughter’s bed and shook her head. “Look if by Christmas spirit you mean Santa Claus, you don’t need to leave a window open for him. He can squeeze his fat, red velvet clad butt down our chimney just like he does every year. Anything coming in a window is gonna get shot by your momma.”

She then took her imaginary six shooter and spun it in her hand, taking a dead eye aim at the window and then blowing the smoke off the barrel when she’d shot her bulls eye.

This made her little one giggle and snuggle down in the covers.

Momma kissed her forehead and then left her with a word of warning. “No more open windows or I’m liable to throw you out one. And that goes for you too Muffin!”

Katie Bug’s cat had been peeking out from under the covers the whole time.

Momma turned off the light and then finally headed to bed for a long winter’s nap or at least four or five hours of sleep before the kids were up.

“So is the house all safe and sound and Santasized?” Jeff said with a smile.

Jill gave him that evil grin he so loved. “It’s all peachy keen, Jelly Bean. There’s barbed wire in the chimney, bear traps on the floor and I’ve laced his milk with cyanide. The kids are all nestled snug in their beds with visions of game systems they sure in hell aren’t getting this year, dancing in their heads.”

“That sounds more like Santacide than Santasized”.

Jill laughed and sat down on the bed. “Oh yeah and the Christmas spirit is coming in through an open window this year and not down the chimney.”

“What?” he said as he massaged her aching shoulders.

“Never mind … I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

“Coming to bed now, Grinch”, he teased with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Ho ho ho!” she quipped dryly as she pulled the covers over her.

She reached to turn off the light and then stopped. First she had to remove the early Christmas gift she’d received from the family. It was a charm bracelet with a charm that represented each of them. There was an elephant, a musical note, a tornado, a bookworm, a hard hat, a heart, a food dish and finally a little kitten.

The bracelet and everything else was a perfect fit.

Merry Christmas to my favourite mortal family.

Hugs and love Maggiethekitten

A Leap of Faith
By Maggie the Kitten

Edited by Holly Hart and shalimar

“Look … Randall, I know I’ve given birth a few times, so you might assume it’s a bit old hat by now, but I think I’d know if I’d dropped another baby. It is kind of a memorable experience. So let me make this really, really clear for you. There is no Stephanie Watson. There has never been a Stephanie Watson. I don’t need to fill out any damn forms to say so, and if we don’t get this sorted out and my children onto the shuttle you’ll be the one suffering from illness or incapacity. Now put that in your database!”

**************************************************************************************

Debra watched as each of her children hugged their grandparents. Distance wise, the journey was thousands of light years, but thanks to an amazing scientific breakthrough, the shuttle would have them at their new home world in a matter of minutes.

Crayton, their destination planet, was supposed to be very similar in environment to Earth, with a very friendly humanoid population, or so the scout teams had reported. The World Council stated that it was by far the best option for transplantation that the scientists had been able to discover in the limited time available.

As Debra looked out the bay windows of the transport station, it was easy to see why time was limited. Despite the fact that it was shortly after two p.m. on what should be a typically scorching hot August afternoon in Arizona, the skies were sunless as they had been for days, and both snow and thermometer were falling at an alarming rate.

Just two weeks ago, Debra’s children were playing in the pool as Debra and her friend Julie were doing a little sun worshipping on the deck. Temps were flirting with the century mark, air conditioners were straining to keep homes cool, and the desert was a sea of hot sand and scrub brush. But that was before the meteor shower came and changed everyone’s life forever.

Who would have thought a moon all the way from Saturn could ever be a danger to Earth? Certainly not the great scientific brains who assured everyone that the debris from the exploded moon would pose no threat to Earth. But then, by the hand of God, fate or just plain destiny, the meteors changed course more than expected as they passed Mars, and headed straight for Earth.

The explosive devices sent to disperse the strike did not do as well as they had hoped. While they broke up the meteoroids, it merely meant that instead of a few relatively large meteors striking the Earth, there were millions of small ones that burned up in the Earth’s atmosphere. Their destruction saved the Earth from immediate death, but in turn, gave it a slow eventual one as the dust and debris from their burning up blanketed the planet’s atmosphere and cut it off from the life giving sun.

Earth was quickly going into an ice age it might never recover from and almost certainly,all exisiting multi-cellular life, not just man, was facing extinction. Fortunately this was the 23rd century and not a hundred years earlier, or man would have been completely doomed. An amazing scientific breakthrough in space travel, called wormhole technology, had made it possible to create a corridor in space that would allow a ship to traverse great distances in mere minutes. As a result, part of mankind would be preserved, even if they had to be aliens on a planet a galaxy away.

Unfortunately, Earth was like the Titanic, with not near enough life boats to save all aboard from the freezing waters. Fortunately for Debra and her family, they were some of the lucky ones. They would be going over on one of the first shuttles. Many others, like her friend Julie, were not so lucky. Julie was on standby, hoping there would be time and a space for her before the cold bitter end.

Julie didn’t begrudge Debra, Steve, her fiancé, or the children their place on the shuttle. It was all part of the “Family’s First” program and she whole heartedly supported it. Kids like them have always been the future, and would continue to be so even on a new world.

Julie had no children, nor the ability to have them. It wasn’t just that at 39 she was past prime childbearing years, but in essence she’d never had a prime, as she had been born transgendered, a girl trapped in a boy’s body. At age 28, she’d had sexual reassignment surgery, which with the latest surgical advances, had made her indistinguishable in nearly every way from a natural born woman, the lone difference being her inability to procreate.

That difference alone dropped her into the C group on the shuttle passenger list. She was behind families, couples, and singles of child bearing ability and any people possessing key skills, such as surgeons and scientists.

Tears of both sadness and joy welled in Julie’s eyes as one by one she hugged each of Debra’s kids. She loved them all dearly, and along with Debra and Steve, were the only family Julie had ever truly had. Her own birth family had turned their back on her the day she announced to them and the rest of the world that she was really Julie, not Johnny.

Then it was time to give Steve a goodbye hug. He was an amazing person, like Debra, beautiful on the outside, but even more so on the inside. He was kind and gentle, with a sneaky sense of humor, and had accepted Julie as a girl the first day they had met. And considering how men often seem to have a problem with girls who used to play for the boy’s team, finding an open minded man like Steve was a rarity. Julie could easily see why Debra loved this wonderful, beautiful man.

Finally, Debra walked up and offered open arms to her best friend. Tears flowed freely from both sets of eyes. For Debra, Julie was a very special person. She admired the courage of the woman to have the body altering, life changing surgery, that had ultimately cost her a job, a home, and her family. As a boss, she could always count on Julie to get every project done professionally, accurately and often done “yesterday” when required. As a friend, she appreciated her honesty, her humor, her imagination, her steadfast support and her unconditional love. She absolutely adored Julie’s big beautiful blue eyes and had often playfully threatened to scoop them out and have them for her own.

Yes, Julie the woman, the friend and the beautiful blue-eyed co-worker had a special place in Debra’s life and heart, but there was also another part of Julie that reached a very special place in Debra’s heart. There was a part of Julie, rarely seen by others, and believed by almost no one, save for Debra and a few close friends. There was Julie the little girl, the little girl who had never gotten to live, and she deeply touched Debra, the Momma.

Each of us have a child within, but with Julie, that child didn’t retreat or fade as she grew into adulthood. Maybe she had been born with a Peter Pan gene, or perhaps it was the fact that the little girl who never got to be simply refused to go quietly into the night. For whatever the reason, she was a big part of the person who’d often sat across from Debra’s desk, sharing stories long after business hours.

Debra had often heard the child when Julie spoke of those painful early years watching other little girls run and play and not be able to be like them. The tears that rolled down the woman’s cheek belonged to the frustrated child who never got to be anyone’s little girl. But there were also happy sightings of this little one as well. Julie absolutely adored Debra’s kids, and when she came over for a visit, her blue eyes would sparkle with pure joy as she ran, played and colored with the younger ones, and then tagged after the older ones like a pesky little sister. Amazingly, the kids accepted little Julie as easily as they did the older version, but kids see with their hearts as much as their eyes, and from their vantage point the child was in plain sight.

The smile Debra saw on Julie’s face as she slept on the sofa during her many overnight stays was by far the brightest, happiest and most peaceful she’d ever seen from her friend in the five years she’d known her. Clutching her doll Maggie, she slept the sleep of a happy, innocent child and it deeply reached the Momma place in Debra’s heart.

Julie brought out Debra’s maternal instinct in spades, and she found herself quite protective of the small child within the long lean body of an adult woman, and whenever Julie came to her office sad, frustrated or frightened, it was all she could do to resist the urge to want hold her and make it all better as she would for her own children.

But Debra was a realist, and despite what she saw in those big blue eyes and felt in her heart, Julie was an adult, or so the people at the hall of records would attest, and that was a truth that could not be denied. She would never be a little girl in anything more than spirit and stolen moments, and Debra could never be her mother. And quite frankly, having five children already, and a boyfriend who often seemed like a sixth, the last thing she needed or really wanted was another addition to the brood. She could love Julie, both the big girl and little, but all she could give to both was her friendship, and now, just minutes away from boarding, she wondered if she’d ever get the chance to give her that again.

Julie hugged Debra tightly. She loved this incredible woman. She’d never known a better woman, a better friend, a better mother or a better soul, for that matter. She was physically as beautiful as any woman she’d ever met, or saw cosmetically and technically enhanced on the screen. She was strong, intelligent, honest, even when a beautiful lie would have been far less painful than the truth. She was loving, compassionate, and without a prejudiced bone in her body. She embraced all life, all people and all cultures, recognizing the commonalities that joined us all, and appreciating the differences that made each of us special. She was funny, talented, generous, and dedicated to her work, her soul mate, her children, her friends, and her family. If there was one word that described Debra, it was passion. From her job, to caring for her children, to her beliefs, to everything she did, right down to making her famous vegetable lasagna, everything she did, she did with passion.

As a woman, Julie cherished Debra’s friendship. Debra had been her role model and mentor in the ways of womanhood. She’d given Julie invaluable lessons in everything from fashion and makeup to learning how to walk with a wiggle, when God hadn’t given Julie enough junk in her trunk to have one. She’d listened to Julie’s life stories and never once turned away in disgust. Her door had always been open, as her heart had been whenever Julie needed to talk about any problem or any joy in her life. They’d shared joys and problems, and when fear or sadness got the better of Julie, Debra’s arms had been open for Julie to find safety and love within them.

And then there was little Julie, the small child that peeked out from time to time. Debra had accepted her the same as she had accepted the woman. The little one had spent nearly forty years in a body prison, dreaming of a mother and a family and life to call her own. Once she’d gotten to know Debra, Steve and the children, she knew she’d found it.

Spending time with them or listening to Debra share their stories was like standing at the gates of the Promised Land. These people and their life were everything she’d ever wanted, everything she’d ever dreamed of. She couldn’t help but love them and wish she could be a part of it. But like Moses who had wandered the desert for so long before finding home, she could only see the beautiful place, for she would never be allowed to set foot there.

Debra could see the want in Julie’s eyes but she also knew she could never wave a magic wand and give her what she truly wanted. However she had given the child within as much love and freedom as she could on those visits to her home. Julie the woman knew what Debra was doing for the child and loved her for it. The child cherished every stolen moment of “life” she was given. Tears of pain always followed when Debra took her home, but the pain was a sweet one, and a fair price for the joy and memories.

Now as Debra and company prepared to depart ,she might have to spend the very short rest of her life clinging to those memories, and to the special gift Debra had given her on her last birthday. Among Debra’s many talents was artistry, and she’d drawn a portrait of the child within Julie. She was a little princess, but not of the true fairy tale variety. She had red-hair up in bunches, freckles, those killer blue eyes and a wide silly grin. There was no pink pouf princess gown, just a simple red blouse with a peter pan collar and a navy blue, knee length pleated skirt. A pair of skinned knees appeared just below the hem of the skirt, and white knee highs had fallen unevenly, one nearly down to the top of her brown Mary Jane’s. The entire outfit, along with the girl wearing, it looked a bit worse for wear from what must have been a good hard day of play, but the eyes and the smile spoke volumes about the pure joy and contentment in this child’s heart. In Julie’s right hand was her doll Maggie, every bit as worse for wear as the child who loved her, and no doubt like the famous Velveteen rabbit, the doll had been literally loved to life.

In a word, Debra had given Julie what she truly wanted most of all: reality. She’d drawn a picture of a real little girl: giggles, scrapes, dirt, tangles, tears and all the rest. The picture sat by Julie’s bedside and she went to sleep each night praying and dreaming that could be not only her soul’s reflection, but her body’s, too.

Finally Debra and party were called to the last boarding station. The sign Final Exit above the counter had a rather ominous sound to it, and Debra couldn’t help but wonder if the ad people for the shuttle agency were asleep at the wheel when they came up with this choice.

Julie, along with Debra’s parents, stood behind the ropes and watched as Debra and Steve led the kids to the counter.

“Watson party?”, a college aged “boy” said with a forced smile.

Debra nodded as she did a quick head count. “Yes, that’s us, all present and accounted for, sir.”

She threw in a mock salute with a smile, but her humor was lost on the service rep who looked at her as emotionlessly as if he were processing steers to slaughter.

“Douglass J Simpson?” He made eye contact with the man at Debra’s side, more commonly known as Steve.

Reading from the screen, his voice as emotionless as his expression, “Male, age 35, computer engineer, security clearance A-7, fiancé of Debra D Watson, and granted special exemption to accompany this party. Identification please.”

“I also play a pretty mean guitar, and I’m a demon on the scrabble board”, Steve added as he winked at Debra and displayed his passport.

Another good laugh was missed by the service rep, who only sighed and moved on to the next screen without smile or comment.

Looking up at them with steel gray eyes he began his spiel once again, “This is final exit. You have all passed through the first three checkpoints …” momentarily glancing down to look for red flags on the screen and finding none, “without any difficulties or situations.”

“Your shuttle will be leaving in twenty-five minutes. Processing at this station for your party should take approximately fifteen minutes. Transfer time to the shuttle is five minutes, leaving you five minutes to get settled in. The journey to Crayton is approximately 19 minutes. Do you have any questions?”

“Do we get a choice of chicken or beef on the dinner menu, or is this just a soda and peanut run?”, Debra quipped unable to resist trying to crack this ultimate straight guy.

“And I suppose Gone with the Wind or Titanic isn’t on the movie list either”, Steve added for good measure.

The rep sighed again, “If there are no further questions, we’ll finish processing and get your party through the scanner gate”.

Debra leaned over and whispered in Steve’s ear, “Geez, what a tough crowd. This guy must be from Cleveland.”

Steve rolled his eyes and gave her his killer smile.

“Debra D Watson, female, age 34, logistics specialist, security clearance D-1, family first program. Identification please.”

Debra stepped forward displaying her passport. The rep gave it a passing glance and input the appropriate code numbers into the computer.

“Now the dependent children. I’ll ask for them in descending order by age. Please have each child step forward for recognition. Identification will be required for any child over the age of 16.”

Debra nodded and silently wondered how long the shuttle service had been using androids as customer service reps.

“Emma Watson, female, age 14”.

Debra’s oldest stepped forward and raised her hand. “I’m here”, she said with a smile.

Cathy Watson, female, age 11”.

Number two daughter stepped forward, “I’m here too!”, she added with a wider smile and a giggle for good measure.

The rep gave his usual deadpan sigh, even the joy of a child was lost to him.”

“James Hunter-Watson, male, age 10, adopted, certification noted”.

A good looking boy stepped forward with a Huck Finn smile and missing a tooth. “That’s me sir.” He looked over at Debra and smiled proudly at the woman who had been his only true Mom.

James and his twin sister had been schoolmates of Cathy’s, living in an abusive situation before Debra stepped in and opened her heart and her home to the pair two years before. There may have been the word “adopted” after their name on the flight roster, but in Debra’s heart there was no difference between them and her natural born girls.

“Christina Hunter-Watson, female, age 10, adopted, certification noted”.

A shy blonde haired girl stepped forward meekly, grabbed Cathy’s hand and offered a barely audible, “That’s me.”

She looked up to Debra for approval and found it in her loving smile.

“Samantha Watson, female, age 7.”

A pair of big eyes, with very little body stepped out from Debra’s side. The tiny pig-tailed princess smiled up at the man behind the desk. “I’m Samantha, but … Mommy calls me Fredlette and … and …this is our kitty cat, Cow”, she proclaimed as she pointed to the carrier in Steve’s right hand. “We call her Cow cause her looks like a Cow, and Mommy says she eats like one too!”

Everyone in the party got a giggle or a chuckle from the littlest comedian going on board, save for Miss Cow, who was none to happy to be in a cat carrier, and of course the rep who really needed to be checked for a pulse.

“Stephanie Watson, female, age 5”, the rep called out the last name on the list.

Debra’s eyes went wide in disbelief as did everyone else in attendance.

“I’m sorry sir, but did you say Stephanie Watson?”

The rep nodded and then repeated his request.

“Well… there’s some sort of mistake here ummm … “ for the first time Debra had reason to read the cadaver’s name tag, “Randall?”

“Mistake? No ma’am I assure you there’s no mistake. This is Final Exit. You’ve passed through the earlier check points without problems I see. Now if you’ll please produce the last member of your party, we can get you through the scanner gate without any further delay.”

Debra wasn’t laughing any more, suddenly this was a serious matter, and she was tired of this man’s lack of humor or professionalism. “Oh we have got a problem and your precious little computer there has made one honey of a mistake, because I can assure YOU, there is no Stephanie Watson.”

Randall, unmoved as before, coolly turned the screen to face Debra. “Ma’am I beg to differ. As you can see there is a Stephanie Watson listed in your party. Are you not bringing your daughter with you due to reason of illness or incapacity? If so, you should have notified check station A and filled out form B-17 to amend the roster at that time. I’m afraid it’s too late for that now.”

Debra’s countenance took on the look that the kids knew meant it was time to settle down, or else risk serious wrath. Her smile was pure shark. “Look … Randall, I know I’ve given birth a few times, so you might assume it’s a bit old hat by now, but I think I’d know if I’d dropped another baby. It is kind of a memorable experience. So let me make this really, really clear for you. There is no Stephanie Watson. There has never been a Stephanie Watson. I don’t need to fill out any damn forms to say so, and if we don’t get this sorted out and my children onto the shuttle you’ll be the one suffering from illness or incapacity. Now put that in your database!”

“Debra …”, Steve said slow and softly, risking death or injury in an effort to keep his beloved calm.

“Mommy”, Samantha begged as she tugged on Debra’s sweater. “What bouts Stephanie our sister up in da attic?”

“What’s that honey?”, Debra answered softly, her anger momentarily subsided.

“You remember Mom”, Emma encouraged as she smiled, “Stephanie … our sister you said that you killed and put up in the attic because she was a bad girl.”

“Yeah Mom”, Cathy chimed in. “And you said if we didn’t behave then you’d put us up there with Stephanie.”

James and Christina exchanged worried glances, as they’d never heard about Stephanie before, and now wished they hadn’t.

“So Ms. Watson, then your daughter Stephanie is deceased? You really should have said so. That is an entirely different matter. You’ll need to return to checkpoint A and fill out forms DD-14 and CB-8, and of course you’ll need the death certificate.” Randall rattled on, his attention once again focused on the computer screen.

“Oh for heaven’s sake!”, an exasperated Debra cried, “Stephanie is not dead!”

Samantha jumped up and down, clapping, “Can she come down and play with me mommy?”

Emma and Cathy immediately started giggling, which got them quieting glares from their mother.

“Ahhh … then she is alive and will be remaining behind,” Randall nodded as he tapped the screen. “Then as I told you earlier, ma’am, this should have been taken care of at the first check point. This cannot be done at Final Exit. You’ll need to return there and fill out a form B-17.”

Both Debra’s voice and blood pressure continued to rise. “This is insane. I don’t have a daughter in my attic!”

Randall lifted his eyes from the screen and showed the first sign of anything resembling emotion. “Well personally, ma’am I certainly hope you don’t. It’s none of my business how you treat your children, but I think it’s terrible to keep a small child up in an attic.”

“Mommy I don’t want Stephanie to be in the attic no more!” Samantha began to wail.

“You goof,” Cathy teased, “We don’t really have a sister in the attic.”

“Ms. Watson”, Randall interrupted, “we really do need to know if your daughter is dead or alive, and if she is coming with you on the shuttle. You do understand we have a schedule to keep.”

Debra had finally reached the breaking point. Her voice went eerily calm as she leaned forward to seriously invade Randall’s personal space. “Listen to me, listen to me very carefully, your life might just depend upon it. I ... have ... no ... daughter ... named ... Stephanie, ... not ... dead, not alive, ... not ... in ... the attic ... and ... not ... in ... my carry on luggage. There … is … no … Stephanie.”

Steve, risking life and limb once again, slipped in next to Debra, hoping to shed a little calm sanity on the situation. “Randall … Debra created a ficticious sister named Stephanie as a bad behavior deterrent to her daughters. As both Emma and Cathy said, she used to threaten them with the same fate that befell Stephanie should they not behave. Granted, it was a bit morbid, but surely now you can see Debra never truly had a daughter named Stephanie.”

Randall eyed the pair suspiciously “Yes, that well may be all true; however, somehow she’s gotten into the system.”

Debra still close to the boiling point reached across the counter, “Well … then just push one of those buttons there so we can get her out of the system and us on to the shuttle.”

The service rep placed both hands protectively over his keyboard. “Oh no! That’s not possible. I don’t have authorization to make that kind of change. That would require a level A-1 supervisor.”

Debra drummed her well manicured nails on the counter top. “Then Randall I suggest you get one out here, because I’m not leaving this counter until you do so.”

Randall tapped his comm. badge, “I need a level A-1 supervisor to Final Exit, please.” Glancing up at Debra he added nervously, “Code Red”.

Two minutes later a tall attractive woman in her early forties came pushing through the crowd at a trot. Smiling at Debra and Steve, she went behind the counter, gently nudging Randall aside and immediately taking command of the situation. “I’m level A-1 supervisor Lee Ann Gordon. How can I be of assistance here?”

As if it that was some cue for everyone to give their take on the situation, all parties began speaking at once, including the children, and even Miss Cow, who was yowling about being confined to the cage.

Lee Ann put both fingers in her mouth and let out a whistle that silenced all within earshot. “Okay … let’s try this again.”

Squinting down at the screen she looked at it, then up at Debra. “Ms. Watson … would you please tell me what appears to be the problem?”

When Randall started to object at being passed over, Lee Ann raised a quieting hand.

Debra, with occasional unasked for help from Steve and the kids, explained the entire Stephanie situation. Randall, when finally given the chance to speak, assured his supervisor that he’d followed all the proper protocols, and was no way in fault.

Lee Ann shook her head, speaking more to herself than those around her, “My husband told them this system wasn’t ready yet, but as with everything, there just wasn’t enough time.”

She then turned her attentions to Debra and company. “Miss Watson I do believe you story about Stephanie. I’m a mother of three and my imaginary behavior deterrent was named Jeffrey, and I had him buried in the cellar. Worked like a charm!” she added with a chuckle.

Debra breathed a sigh of relief, “So you can fix this problem and get us on the shuttle then?”

“Ma’am … well … I’m afraid that’s not going to be that easy. It wouldn’t have been any problem at all had this been caught at the first two check points, but now there are several functions that are locked and preparations made that not even I can override now.”

Steve could stay silent no longer, “If it’s a computer software problem. I have level A-7 clearance. I might be able to be of assistance.”

Lee Ann quickly waved him off. “No, there’s a built in fail safe that won’t allow alteration or tampering of certain menus at the Final Exit level.”

“Look, I understand you have computer problems, but you can’t expect me to produce a daughter that I never had. Even if I started on that project right here and now, it will take 9 months to complete, and quite frankly, I’m not really in the mood tonight cause I’ve got one honey of headache. So … there has to be some way the seven of us can get on that shuttle.

Lee Ann shook her head, “I understand your frustration Ms. Watson. Honest, I do. Our world’s coming to an end and we’ll be lucky to get 1/8 of the population off this planet. There are riots breaking out in every major city, and I don’t even know if my own children and their families are going to make a shuttle or not. For reasons I haven’t the time or the technical background to explain completely, Watson party of 8, including Stephanie, has to board that shuttle in the next 10 minutes or a standby party will have to take your place.”

Tears welled in Debra’s eyes as the kids, not understanding what was wrong, clearly knew something was, and huddled around their mother offering their love and hugs.

“There just has to be something that can be done,” Steve begged Lee Ann as he placed a comforting arm round Debra’s shoulder.

Lee blew out a heavy sigh and then turned toward Randall, “I’ll handle this from here. Consider yourself dismissed.”

Randall offered no resistance as he hastily made his exit from the counter area.

“Ms. Watson”, Lee Ann started.

“Please just call me Debra,” the beautiful blonde said as she sniffled back tears.

“And you can call me Steve”, her beau quickly added.

“Okay Debra, Steve, technically there is a way to get all of you on board, but … you’re going to need help from me and one other. The help from me, I’m more than glad to give. I mean what are they going to do me if I get caught? Fire me? Considering we have less than two weeks left before the Earth becomes a giant snowball, I’m not really worried about finding another job. It’s the help from someone else that’s the problem, and quite frankly, I don’t know how you could find such a person who would be willing to do what must be done. And … even if you did, I’m not even sure you’d be willing to accept the consequences should they be willing. And … you have less than nine minutes to get it done.”

“Lee Ann”, Debra pleaded. “I’ll do anything it takes to get my kids to safety, including sending them on without me if need be. Just tell me what has to be done and give me a chance to do it. Please … you’re a mother. Surely you’d do the same.”

Motioning both Debra and Steve a little closer to the counter, Lee Ann spoke barely above a whisper as what she had to say went well beyond her A-1 clearance. “Okay … as I said earlier, Stephanie Watson, female, age 5 has to board the shuttle. There is no way round that, but … technically she doesn’t have to enter the scanner, just walk out of it.”

Steve and Debra first looked to each other and then to Lee Ann, confusion evident on their faces. Steve shook his head, “I don’t understand. I thought everyone had to enter the scanner for final verification and cleansing.”

“Yeah”, Debra quickly added, “And what do you mean she doesn’t have enter the scanner, just exit it?”

“You’re absolutely right Steve”. Lee Ann turned to him first, “Everyone does have to enter the scanner. It’s necessary for identification, and absolutely vital for cleansing so we don’t take any dangerous viral strains to the new home world.”

“And Debra”, she shifted her attention, “Someone will have to enter the scanner when it’s Stephanie’s turn, but that someone doesn’t necessarily have to be Stephanie when they go in.”

The older woman then paused before delivering the clincher, “They just have to be Stephanie when they step through the other side.”

Stunned silence and the look on the pair’s faces was Lee Ann’s cue to go on. “Let me explain. My husband was on the team that worked on the prototype for the scanner system used here at the Final Exit. When they added a little Crayton technology to upgrade it, some interesting side effects occurred. By accident, they discovered that the system not only filtered out viruses and verified DNA, but also, if it detected an abnormal DNA strain or one not matching the input data, it will refigure that DNA to match the desired subject.”

Debra rubbed her temples as that headache raised to the next Excedrin level. “Look I’m no physicist or computer genius. I’m just a mother trying to get her kids to safety, so you could lay it down for me in plain English.”

Steve translated for her, “Honey, what I think she’s saying is that another person, any person could enter the scanner, and with a little computer wizardry, which I assume would be Lee Ann’s contribution …”

Lee Ann smiled and winked as Steve continued.

“Then as incredible as it seems, that person would emerge as Stephanie Watson, female, age 5, which would fill the system requirement and off to Crayton we’d all go.”

“That’s pretty much it Steve. I can’t override the locks on the base information that would allow me to delete Stephanie from the party manifest, because as I said earlier, that would constitute tampering and shut the entire system down, which means no one makes the shuttle. However, I do have the necessary access to override the alarm system protocols when the person steps in and there is a discrepancy between his or her DNA and the one we will complete for Stephanie. At that point I can get the system to refigure the “incorrect” DNA to match that of Stephanie’s, creating a five year old female matching the parameters and satisfying the system requirements.”

Debra looked from Lee Ann to Steve in near shock, “Let me get this straight … Somebody, anybody can step into the scanner and then like presto chango alakazaam, a little girl, my fictitious Stephanie will step out and I’ve got an instant tax deduction?”

Lee Ann smiled sheepishly at Debra, “Well … yeah, that’s pretty much it. And biologically, she’d be your daughter, because your DNA is already locked in the program and that’s one of those things I cannot tamper with.”

Debra smiled thinly, “Call it woman’s intuition, but I have this sinking feeling that this process is not reversible?”

“Yeah … unfortunately from what my husband said, trying to reverse the process doesn’t seem to work too well … I’d rather not get into the details”, Lee Ann said with a cringe, “but yes, this is a one way street. Whoever becomes Stephanie, stays Stephanie.”

Debra , “So this person effectively dies, and is reborn again as some sort of copy of an imaginary daughter I never actually had?”

“Oh no”, Lee Ann quickly assured her, “She’s no copy or clone. She’ll be completely human, and as natural as any of your other children you’ve conceived, just without out the joys of labor.”

“Of course”, Lee Ann turned to Steve, “we’ll need some male DNA. Fortunately that category was left open in Stephanie’s file, so effectively you’d be her father, assuming of course you’re willing to contribute.”

Steve grinned slyly, “I don’t suppose we have time for the old fashioned way, so I guess I’ll need a dirty book and cup right?”

Lee Ann rolled her eyes. “At ease, soldier. We already have your DNA on file. All I need is your permission and to push a few buttons.”

“You sure know how to take the fun out of conception”, Steve quipped.

“Ummm … excuse me”, Debra cut in, interrupting the pair before they planned her baby shower. “I hate to be a kill joy here, but Lee Ann, even if you’re willing to do your computer magic, and Steve, you’re willing to ummm… contribute to the cause and … I’m willing to take on another daughter, just where in the hell am I going to find someone willing to fill the Mary Jane’s?”

Lee Ann sighed sadly, “I don’t know, Debra, but you’ve got about seven minutes to find them, because after that I have no choice but to bring in the standby’s. I’m really sorry, but there’s nothing else I can do.”

Debra looked at her children. They were her very reason for existence and their existence was more important to her than anything. She had to get them on this shuttle. She knew full well if she was bumped to the back of the queue, she might never make another one.

Frustration welled within her. She hated being dependant on others, but at this moment she was in dire need of someone to save her life, her soul mate’s life, and the lives of their children, and in doing so forfeit their own life, or at least life as they had known it.

Where could she possibly find someone like that and in a matter of just a few minutes? As she turned to face the crowd behind the barriers, she looked into the face of the one person, probably the only person on Earth who would willing to be her savior.

Debra leaned over and whispered to Steve as he looked in the same direction as Debra, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yeah I think so”, he answered with a nod, “And she might be willing to do it, but are YOU willing to do it? It’s a big responsibility you’ll be taking on.”

“We’ll be taking on”, she quickly corrected him with a sly smile. “You’re a 50/50 partner in this venture … Daddy.” She couldn’t resist the gentle tease.

Steve rolled his eyes and then his face took a more serious look as he took her hand in his. “Look it’s not the way either of us planned on having a kid, but … I’m willing if you’re willing, and I mean that with all my heart. ”

Debra searched Steve’s beautiful brown eyes and saw nothing but truth and love in them. “I’m willing”, she offered without hesitation.

Of course the real question was if the third party was willing.

Debra quickly turned to her children and informed them that as incredible as it sounds, Stephanie may have risen from the attic, and might be joining them on the shuttle. James and Christina were still absolutely lost, Emma and Cathy looked at their mother in total confusion, and Samantha squealed in delight about having a little sister to play with, but not one child cast a dissenting vote about having one more kid at the breakfast table.

With time ticking, and simply no other way to get her family to safety, she informed Lee Ann of her plan and pointed to a face in the crowd. Lee Ann immediately tapped her comm. and had security bring the person in question to the counter. A bewildered Julie stood looking back and forth between Steve and Debra. The little girl was clearly peeking out from those big blue eyes.

Debra took Julie’s hand and made her pitch. “Julie I need your help. We all need your help.”

Julie answered without hesitation, “Name it Debra. You know I’d do anything for you, Steve and the kids.”

“Hold on there, missy. You need to hear me out first, and I want you to know I’ll understand if you can’t do it. Okay?”

Julie nodded silently as Debra continued. “I don’t really have time to explain this in depth, but to tell you the truth, it probably wouldn’t sound any more sane if we had all night. The long and short of it is Julie, I need a Stephanie Watson.”

“Stephanie?”, Julie said wide-eyed in surprise. “You mean the phony dead daughter in the attic Stephanie?”

“The very same one”, Debra assured her, “only I … that is all of us, need a real live five year old version of Stephanie, or none of us can get on the shuttle.”

I … I …don’t see how I can help, Debra. I don’t know where to find you a Stephanie. I’m pretty sure they don’t sell them in the duty free shop.” Julie smiled, but she could clearly see from Debra’s expression this was no laughing matter. “Debra … tell me please … how in the world can I help you get a Stephanie?”

Julie felt a hand gently take hers and she knew it was Steve’s. “Julie … we, that is Steve and I, would like you to be our Stephanie.”

Julie’s looked from Debra to Steve and she knew they were either absolutely serious, or absolutely mad. Either way, Julie’s heart dropped. Her hands trembled and tears welled in her eyes. In a single sentence they’d offered her heaven, at least her version of it, but reality made that a forbidden paradise, and she knew it.

“You know how I feel about you Debra and you too Steve … the kids …well … they’re just like brothers and sisters to me … and well … if I could be lucky enough to be one of your kids … oh my God … it would be the greatest thing ever … and … and … I’d … well …I’d do anything for that chance … but I can’t help you because I’m … I’m not a little girl …at least not in body, and I can’t be your Stephanie.”

“You could be”, Steve answered as Debra pulled her friend in for a hug. “You could be our Stephanie. That is if you really want it. All you’d have to do is say yes and step through that scanner when we tell you to.”

“Julie”, Debra’s soft voice cooed, “I love you, both the big girl and the little, and I know I’m asking a lot of you. I guess you could say I’m asking you to die for us, or at least give up life as you know it. And that’s why I’ll fully understand if you just want to turn around and walk away. But if you’ll stay … If you’ll take a leap of faith so to speak, I promise you I’ll catch you and I’ll never let you go. I’ll do the same by you as I do all my children, and that’s a promise.”

“A promise from both of us,” Steve added as he joined the hug.

Julie’s head was spinning. In a matter of a few minutes she’d gone from saying what would probably be final goodbye’s to the only family she’d ever known, to being given a chance to be part of that family as the little girl she’d always dreamed of being.

Debra could see the glazed look in Julie’s eyes and she could understand why, but time was of the essence. “Honey, I wish I could give you a lot of time to think it over, but we got like …”

Debra glanced over at Lee Ann who flashed her a double peace sign. “Like four minutes here, so you have to decide now, and remember, no matter what, I’ll always love you.”

Julie wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked from Debra to Steve and then to each of the five children before returning to her best friend. “Debra you’re the closest thing to family I’ve ever known. If need be, I’d give my life for you, Steve, or the kids, so I’d certainly give that life now especially if it means being reborn with my dream come true! Just tell me where to sign and what to do.”

Debra hugged her new daughter tightly, before turning to her kids and telling them that “Stephanie,” formerly known as Julie, was going with them. The kids gave their Mom a suspicious look for a moment, then ganghugged their big little sister. They didn’t understand the how’s or the why’s of any of it, but they were just glad to have Julie going with them, no matter what their Mom called her.

Things went into hyperdrive then. Steve and Miss Cow went through the scanner first, followed by the children, oldest to youngest, leaving only Debra and Julie.

Debra stepped toward the scanner, but Julie reached out for her hand. “Listen, before you go through, and especially before I do, I just have to say something … Look I know that you and Steve will be great parents and you’ll do everything you can to teach, protect, support and encourage me on the road to adulthood, same as you will the other kids … but … Debra in all honesty … I know you don’t really want another kid. You’ve said that loads of times. And we both know if it wasn’t for this … this freak screw up, you wouldn’t need a Stephanie and you wouldn’t need me or truly want me to be your daughter.”

Time was ticking, but Debra simply had to make time for this. She couldn’t pass through that scanner until she did. Gazing into those big baby blues of Julie’s she gave her the truth. “You’re absolutely right. I really don’t want another kid. In all honesty, I didn’t really want another kid when I adopted James and Christina, but … things happen, and well …I just had to step in and I’ve never regretted it.”

“But this isn’t the same situation,” Julie was quick to point out. “This is only happening because you need me and well … once we reach Crayton, you won’t need me.”

“So … what are you saying? Are you telling me that I can put you up in the attic like your namesake?” Debra said shaking her head.

“No what I’m saying is, I know you are willing to keep me, but … I’m telling you that well … you’re not obligated to keep me. I’m letting you off the hook. I mean I know you really don’t want me so it’s okay if you like … like”, Julie’s voice trailed off as the water works threatened again.

“What? Drop you off at the Crayton County Home? Or put you on the intergalatic E-Bay? Or … or … put you in a burlap sack and toss you in the river?”

Julie’s head dropped and already she looked very much the five year old she was about to become. “I … I was just trying to give you a way out, that’s all”, she offered meekly.

Debra gently raised the fallen face with her hand. “Already just like your brother and sisters. You don’t listen to a word I say.”

A smile was coaxed out of Julie’s frown at those words.

“No, I wasn’t looking to have another kid, but as I said before … things happen. Granted this isn’t the usual form of conception or adoption, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I love you and I want you in my life, now and always. I hated the thought of leaving you behind and now I don’t have to. I’ve been proud to have you as a friend and I’ll be proud to have you as a daughter. Now”, Debra added in mock exasperation, “are you finally convinced?”

Julie smiled and nodded, but added she could still use a hug just to seal the deal. Debra gave her a quick cuddle and then, with less than a minute to spare, stepped through the scanner.

Julie watched Debra disappear and then started for the scanner, stopping just short and then turning toward Lee Ann. “Not that it really matters, but … when I step through and become a real five year old girl, am I going to remember all of this … you know … my life before?”

Lee Ann sighed and shook her head. “Honestly, I can’t say what the emotional or mental changes will be. From what my husband told me, the previous changes were only adult to adult, and the subject, after some initial disorientation, regained most of his memories from the previous life However in your situation, it could be quite different. Five years old is pretty early in the cognitive stage … I’d say there’s a reasonably good chance you’re in for more than just a cosmetic make over.”

Julie smiled, “ Well it doesn’t really matter. I’ll be with people who love me and I’ll have a chance to live the life I’ve always dreamed of. When it comes right down to it, that’s all that really matters.”

Lee Ann wished Julie luck as she stepped toward the scanner.

Julie looked up at the sign above the scanner that proclaimed in bold words: Final Exit. How appropriate, she thought. No matter what happened when she stepped through to the other side, this truly was a final exit for her. She was not only leaving the home world behind, but her old life and old body behind, and should something go wrong, and she went up in a fizzle and a puff of smoke, then she’d be leaving life behind, but regardless of the outcome, she had agreed to take this leap of faith and hoped her new mom would be there to catch her.

Without another thought, and with only seconds to spare, she stepped into the scanner. Immediately she felt as though a thousand ants were crawling all over her and she became totally disoriented. Outside the scanner, Lee Ann performed her computer magic and prayed it would work.

On the other side of the scanner, Debra stood waiting, hoping Lee Ann knew what she’d been talking about, as Julie’s life depended upon it. All she could do now was wait, and have faith.

Seconds later, a wobbly five year old girl with reddish blonde hair, big blue eyes, and a light sprinkling of freckles, stepped out of the scanner, struggling to carry her tote bag. Without a doubt, this child had to be the product of Steve and Debra. Her eyes went immediately to Debra.

“Mommy!” the little one squealed as she ran to Debra and pounced into her arms. Debra held her close before drawing back and looking deep into those blue eyes, searching for some sign of her old friend.

“I here … I happy … but I seepy, but I weally happy lots, Debra, I love you”, and then the adult was gone, leaving only the little one. The pair was soon joined in a group hug by Steve and all the kids.

As the shuttle crew hurried them from the Final Exit gate to their seats aboard the shuttle, Steve whispered in Debra’s ear, “You still owe me a tumble in the hay for this one.”

Debra giggled and then smiled seductively, “Maybe they don’t have hay in Crayton, but we’ll work something or some thing out.”

Stephanie was seated next to Samantha, who positively glowed at finally being someone’s big sister.

Stephanie opened her tote bag and found the two prized possessions that she never left home without. Maggie, her loved to life dolly smiled up at her, and she immediately pulled her into her arms. She didn’t remove the other cherished keepsake, but it was clearly visible. The little girl smiled at the drawing her mommy had made for her. She thought it looked just like her, right down to her skinned knees and Maggie.

Samantha leaned over and whispered in her little sister’s ear. “I’m glad you’re not in the attic no more Stephanie.”

“Me too…Stephanie said with a wide smile and sparkling blue eyes, “Me too!”

art by J.D. Nicholas

 © 2009 by Maggie the Kitten

Jean and James are concerned about their friend and co-worker Ashley. Can they help her? Will they help her? Will she choose to let them help her? It's all a matter of choice.

The house was quiet as the girls had gone to bed nearly an hour ago. Cleo and Marc … the two felines who’d agreed to share this house with the humans were curled up in separate chairs, dreaming of tomorrow’s breakfast. Tall, lean and incredibly handsome, known more commonly as James was holding his soul mate in his strong tattooed arms. She was the love of his life. She was blond, beautiful, brave and better known to most, as Jean.

James was half watching their second selection from Blockbuster. He was much more interested in the love story unfolding in his life than he was in the one on screen. Two weeks ago, in front of Jean’s daughters, he’d taken to one knee and offered her a ring and someone to love her for as long as she would have him.

With Jean’s wicked sense of humor she could have teased him mercilessly by drawing out her answer, but the love she felt for this man was no joking matter. It was like nothing she’d ever known before. It was what love was supposed to be. It was happiness beyond what she dreamed possible. It was a fairy tale come true. She said “YES”, almost as soon as he took the knee.

During the past two weeks, twenty years had seemed to melt away and she was as giddy as a teenager with her first sweetheart. James had noticed the smile, the blush in her cheeks and the sparkle in her eye. Knowing that he had put them there made him happy. Knowing he would spend the rest of his life with her, doing everything he could to keep them there put him over the moon.

As James held Jean in his arms, savouring the feeling of her body against his, he noticed something on her face he hadn’t seen in a fortnight: a worried look.

James took two fingers and gently brushed Jean’s chin to get her attention. “Hey Babe … What’s wrong? Don’t care for the movie?”

Jean, lost deep in thought, emerged from her fog. “What? … Movie? … No, really … I like it.” She forced a smile, hoping he’d buy it.

James raised an eyebrow and sighed, “Really? Is that your final answer or do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

It was obvious James wasn’t buying what she was trying to sell. She had no choice but to come clean. The smile faded as quickly as she’d put it on. “It’s Ashley … I’m worried and I don’t know what to do.”

“Ashley? Ashley from work?”

Jean nodded. James sighed knowingly as he pulled his love a little closer.

Ashley was a friend to them both, but especially Jean. She adored Jean to the point of placing her on a pedestal so high she needed oxygen to breathe. To say she was the president of the Jean D Morrison fan club was an understatement. To Ashley … Jean was her best friend and one of the most beautiful women both inside and out that she’d ever known. Hardly a day passed without Ashley telling Jean how smart, how strong, how funny, how talented, and how loving and compassionate she was.

Jean appreciated the compliments, although the steady diet of sweets often made her feel a bit uncomfortable. Still … she knew that was just the way Ashley was built and she tried to take them graciously, in with the spirit they had been given.

Ashley also thought she was the consummate mom; a real life combination of Harriet Nelson and Roseanne. Many times Ashley had closed cards and letters to Jean with this line. “To the woman I wish I could grow up to be like, and to the Mom I wish I’d had to show me the way.”

Those sentiments coming from any of her daughter’s teenage friends would be touching and give Jean warm fuzzies, but coming from a forty five year old co-worker who was nearly ten years her senior, well … they were a bit strange and uncomfortable. Unfortunately it got worse. Ashley’s appreciation for Jean’s parenting skills went beyond strange and uncomfortable. Over the last few months it had become an obsession for her and the source of great concern for Jean.

Of course to understand why a middle-aged woman would be obsessed with having a woman ten years her junior as a mother, you’d have to understand Ashley.

Ashley was a post operative male to female transsexual with obsessive compulsive disorder, dependency issues, countless phobias, an overactive imagination, 20/20 vision courtesy of her rose coloured glasses … and a disorder that Ashley herself diagnosed as “Age Dysphoria.”

Translated into plain English, Ashley was a girl who had born in a boy’s body. The boy’s body had grown up, but the little girl never had. She tended to think about things to the point of obsession. To the people she became close to, she became a black hole, draining them until they had no more to give.

Ashley could be scared by almost anything. She was a hopeless daydreamer who exists in reality but lives in the fairy tales she writes and looks at life, especially Jean’s, as if it is just another episode of the Gilmore Girls.

Jean could have accepted all of these things as part of who her eccentric friend is, and despite the difficulties, their friendship had endured as a result of, or maybe, despite Ashley’s personality quirks. Jean always had a smile and a place in her heart and her life for her Ashley girl.

However, it is the last affliction that Ashley suffers from that has troubled Jean the most, made her feel very uncomfortable at times, and eventually forced her to set boundaries to protect herself and her daughters from Ashley’s “emotional outbursts.”

Jean wanted to believe that Ashley’s self diagnosed Age Dysphoria was just a fancy name for her inner child gone wild, fuelled by her overactive imagination and lifelong desire. Ashley’s philosophy stated that within her long, lanky frame was a little girl, as real as any other and who made up about 87% of her heart, soul and mind.

Through many long conversations after work, the stories Ashley shared with her, and the occasional outings they went on, Jean had felt the presence of that inner child. She heard her in Ashley’s voice, saw her in her smiles and felt her whenever Jean gave her a hug.

Jean didn’t begrudge her friend a hug or a bit of indulgence in her fantasy. It had seemed harmless enough, at least at first. She’d had no way of knowing just how dependent and how obsessed Ashley would become, but it wasn’t long before she found out.

Ashley became so attached to Jean that she wouldn’t leave work without saying goodbye to her, and the goodbyes became clingy, tearful hug fests. Their after work chats, which used to be mixes of funny and sad stories from both their pasts, became one sided reruns of the same story, the same impossible wish, where Ashley magically became Jean’s daughter.

What started out as a seemingly harmless infatuation on Ashley’s part had turned into something so disturbing that Jean had been left with no choice but to set boundaries, which included keeping her daughters away from her friend and the crying outbursts at every goodbye.

This obsession with magically becoming Jean’s fourth daughter had really strained their friendship, but it was the latest development which threatened to destroy it, that had Jean deeply concerned.

James sighed, “It’s that thing about her wanting to be the flower girl at the wedding ceremony, isn’t it? I thought you were going to tell her we were keeping it all simple and there wasn’t going to be any flower girls, especially six foot tall ones.”

Jean shook her head, “No, it’s not that. We already discussed that and I told her she could be the flower girl at the rehearsal. She was a little disappointed, but still happy to get to toss a few rose pedals on the aisle. At least this way she doesn’t go out and spend money she doesn’t have on a custom made flower girl dress.”

James really like Ashley, too. Yes she was a bit strange, maybe more than a bit, and yes … the fact that she used to live as a boy and stand to pee sometimes made him feel a bit uncomfortable, but he’d always thought of Ashley as a girl and treated her as such.

He knew she idolized Jean. The whole company knew that, but he also knew about the little girl within Ashley who peeked out whenever she wore her pigtails, or got all “flusterpated”, or shed tears whenever it was time to say goodbye. The little girl seemed most prominent however, anytime she was with Jean. He’d read some of the stories Ashley had written casting Jean as the mother and himself as the father. He thought they were funny and sweet and imaginative, but complete and total fantasy. Ashley’s obsession about making these fantasy tales come true concerned him as it did Jean, but being Jean’s fiancé, he was even more concerned about the discomfort and worry it was causing his beloved.

“Has she started doing all that crying again? You know … like whenever you say goodbye on the weekends?”

Jean shook her head again, “No … she’s been pretty good about that. I think we’ve been almost tear free save for when we told her that we were getting married.”

James smiled, “Yeah … well you pretty much expected that didn’t you? You knew she was going cry just like the girls did. That’s why we told her at the restaurant and not work, right?”

“Uh huh … and actually she didn’t cry near as much when we dropped her off as she normally does. At least for once I didn’t feel like I was dropping her off at an orphanage.”

James chuckled as the image of Ashley in the school girl outfit she wore every Halloween at work popped into his thoughts. She really did have this whole “little girl” thing bad.

Pulling his beloved a bit closer, James nibbled at her ear. “Sooo … what’s the problem then? Does she want you to sign adoption papers and move her in?”

Jean pulled back, resisting the lure of James’ lips. “I know you just mean that as a joke, but Ashley would go for that in a second. This is starting to get serious, really serious and I don’t know what to do.”

Her eyes and voice carried sobering concern, and that got James’ attention immediately. He was all business as he squeezed her hand gently. “What is it babe? What’s our Ashley done now?”

“It’s not what she’s done”, Jean started as she wiggled to find a comfortable position. “It’s … it’s what she thinks … thinks about me.”

“Okay’, James started slowly … trying to be a calming influence for both of them. “What does she think about you? I can’t believe it’s anything bad. She thinks you can practically walk on water.”

Jean chuckled nervously, “I could handle the walking on water. It’s the flying through the air on a broom I can’t deal with.”

James heard what she said clearly, but he couldn’t believe the implications. “Wait a minute. She thinks you can do what?”

Jean confirmed her earlier statement. “You heard me right. She thinks I’m a broom jockey, a spell slinger … or known more commonly as … a witch.”

“Really?” James gave his trademark phrase in classic deadpan.

“C’mon … she doesn’t REALLY believe … I mean I know she has a lot of imagination and she really wishes you were her mom, but surely she doesn’t … I mean she can’t actually think you’re … you’re a … a …”.

“Witch?” Jean finished for him. “Oh yes she does, and I’m not talking about the kind that I have to be with the girls sometimes. You know … the one that can also be spelled with a B. I’m talking about a genuine caldron stirring, potion making, straight out of the Brothers Grimm, witch.”

James searched Jean’s eyes for some hint of a joke or a tease, but found none. Her look was all business, serious business. He understood completely, but believing was another matter.

“Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Ashley thinks you’re a witch. You mean like someone who is into Wicca or those people who go out into the woods and chant and dance naked around the fire.”

Jean shook her head and took James’ hand in hers. “No … that I could probably deal with. Ashley thinks I’m the television kind of witch. You know … like Samantha from Bewitched or Sabrina or … or the Halliwell sisters from Charmed. She thinks I have real magic powers and can change her into a real little girl. THAT’S the kind of witch she thinks I am.”

James blew out a heavy breath. “Whoa … you’re right. This is serious. Sounds like she’s finally lost it. Do you think she’s … well, dangerous?”

“No, I don’t think she’s lost her mind, nor do I think she’s dangerous, except possibly to herself. I think she’s just so desperate for what she wants that she’s willing to believe in anything or any way she can have it.”

James pulled Jean back in for a cuddle. “That’s sad … really sad. So … what did you do when she accused you of being a witch?”

Jean eyed her beloved curiously, “Well what do you think I did? I asked her if she honestly believed I was a witch.”

“And what did she say?”

“Well … she wiped the tears out of her eyes and squirmed a bit before finally saying that she kind of thought that maybe I was a witch, or at least she hoped I was a witch.”

James freed a hand and scratched his head. “As much as I can, I can understand why she wishes she was a little girl. She got cheated. I can’t imagine how bad it had to be growing up as a boy when she knew she was really a girl. And … if she was going to pick a mom, I don’t think she could do any better than you. You’re great with your girls and mine. I can even understand how wanting something so much can make her hang on to the seemingly impossible …”

James stopped long enough to lean forward and gently kiss Jean before finishing his thought.

“… because for quite awhile you seemed almost like an impossible dream to me. But … but … I just can’t understand what could possibly make her believe that you’re really a witch. That’s not the seemingly impossible. That’s just plain impossible.”

Jean rolled her eyes. “Well … according to her, it seems I have umm … how did she phrase that? Oh yeah, I have certain witchlike qualities.”

A smile turned at James’ lips. “Really? Witchlike qualities huh? So tell me … exactly what are these alleged witchlike qualities you’ve been accused of?”

Jean took a sip of her iced tea and stole a piece of ice in doing so. She crunched the frozen water and then smiled thinly. “What is this … the Salem witchcraft trials?”

“You started the topic,” James was quick to remind her.

“Okay … okay,” she gave in. “But it was all a bunch of nothing really, just the product of Ashley’s overactive imagination.”

“I’m sure it was, but humour me, babe.”

Jean sighed and then snuggled close to James. “Alright you asked for it. Let see … well … for one thing she said I had a sort of … sparkle in my eyes and an aura that sort of surrounded me. Like I said … it’s just imagination and wishful thinking.”

James nodded. “Anything else?”

“Ummm … she did have this dream, or at least I think I’ve finally managed to convince her to see reason and accept it as a dream.”

“What kind of dream?” James asked as he reached for his Gatorade and then frowned as he found he’d drained it ten minutes earlier.

“It happened one night when she stayed here for the weekend. She was sleeping on the couch and thought she woke up and saw me floating down the stairs.”

James raised an eyebrow. “Floating?”

Jean nodded “Yeah … floating … floating, as in descending the staircase with my bare feet a good six inches off the carpet. She said she was lying on the couch and when she looked up from her pillow she saw me coming down the stairs … without using the stairs, so to speak.”

James scratched today’s beard growth. “Was the staircase trick the only one in your repertoire or did you do anything else exciting for an encore?”

Jean giggled. “No … I guess I was a one trick witch that night because she said that when I reached the downstairs I landed softly on the carpet and then walked very unwitchlike into the kitchen. A few minutes later I came out with a small dish of ice cream and then went back upstairs.”

James smiled, knowing his love had a taste for late night ice cream, among other things. “So … did you float back up the stairs?”

Jean shook her head. “No … I walked up like the rest of you mortals do. Evidently I can only float down and not up.”

“Mortal huh? James leaned down and kissed his angel passionately.

When he reluctantly pulled back, Jean licked her lips. “What is it that Shakespeare said? ‘Make me immortal with a kiss?”

James’ eyes sparkled with mischief. “In your case I think that would be immoral.”

Jean pushed out her lip and pulled a pout as she turned her face away. “Just for that I’m not going to tell you the rest of the story.”

James knew the sure cure for a pouty puss: tiny kisses on her neck that slowly worked toward her ear. When he hit the ticklish spot, she gave in with a giggle.

“Okay … okay I’ll tell you the rest, but … you better be good or I’ll turn you into a frog.”

The “Could Be Kermit” promised to be good and then was so, as he added another kiss before allowing Jean’s mouth to speak.

“Now where was I? I told you about the floating and the aura and ummm … what were the other ones? Oh yeah … according to Ashley I used proper witch protocol.”

James rolled his eyes. “I’m almost afraid to ask.”

“Well … there she was crying her eyes out and me trying to do damage control after breaking her heart by telling her I didn’t have the power to make her dream come true. She looked up at me with those big blue eyes of hers, begging me to give her something to hold onto.”

“And I take it you did?”

Jean sighed, “All I said was that if … mind you if … I had the power to make her wish come true, I’d ask her twice and if she said yes both times, then … I’d turn her into the little girl she so wants to be and yes … I’d adopt her.”

James smiled knowingly, “Forever the sucker for stray animals and lost little kids. You always have a place for them, don’t you?”

Jean’s eyes smiled mischievously, “And don’t forget good bad boys. I’ve got a place for them too.”

“I think that place belongs to me now.” James squeezed his love a little tighter.

“Oh really?” she teased.

“Really!” James confirmed with a nibble on her ear.

Jean moaned softly and snuggled.

“So what’s this about protocol?” James broke the moment.

“Huh?” Jean reluctantly returned to Earth. “Oh yeah … proper witch protocol. According to Ashley, who is evidently an expert on these things from her countless years of reading and writing fairy tales, a witch always asks twice when she offers a wish to a umm … what would you call Ashley? A customer I guess? So anyway … since I said I would ask her twice, that proved to her I was a genuine card carrying union witch.”

James sighed, “She really puts a lot of thought into this doesn’t she?”

Jean nodded and frowned. “Too much … way too much.”

James absentmindedly reached for his Gatorade bottle and frowned again, as it was still empty. “So … was that all her evidence, or did she have anything else worthy of burning you at the stake?”

Jean popped in another piece of ice and grabbed the remote control. “That was pretty much it; nothing else really worth mentioning.”

Jean turned up the sound on the movie neither was watching.

James gently took possession of the remote and hit the mute button. “Nothing else worth mentioning? Why don’t I be the judge of that?”

Jean crunched the ice and reached for the remote. James raised it just outside her reach like a parent teasing his child. “C’mon, tell me.”

Jean rolled her eyes. “Oh, for heaven’s sake! It’s really so ridiculous it’s not even worth mentioning, but if you insist.”

James nodded and Jean started again. “It seems the other night when we were leaving … I sort of pulled a disappearing act on her.”

“You mean you disappeared right before her eyes in a puff of smoke? Now that really is something.”

The beautiful blonde shook her head. There was a bit of frustration in her voice. “No … of course not ... be serious. It was all something very explainable, that she’s made into magic.”

“So explain already!”

“The other night when were leaving, Ashley was following Onyx (Jean’s pet name for her fleet black Mazda) down the street on her bike as she always does. Most nights when we leave together, I drive at half speed and let her stay close behind because well … she seems to get a kick out of that and I do want to be sure she gets down the street alright. There are some big dogs running loose and she’s been attacked before. Anyway … that night I was running late. I had to pick up Samantha so I didn’t have time for our usual game. I got to the corner quite a bit before she did and made the turn and headed straight for the interstate entrance. You might say I exceeded the speed limit getting there.”

James shrugged his broad shoulders, “I … I don’t get it. Where’s the Houdini in that story?”

“All in Ashley’s mind, I assure you.” Jean was quick to answer. “It seems that when she got to the corner and looked for my car I was already out of sight … probably just entering the interstate entrance. So … because she’d lost eye contact with me when I turned the corner and because she couldn’t see me once she got there, her overactive imagination kicked in and she thought that Onyx and I just disappeared in a puff of magic exhaust smoke.”

James shook his head and chuckled. “I’ll give her credit. She doesn’t miss a trick does she? You know, babe, I’ve warned you about this before, but you really do need to be more careful.”

Jean’s blue eyes flashed and her posture stiffened, “And what do you mean by that?”

James gave his best irresistible smile, “You know what I mean … you little sorceress you.”

“James Allen”, Jean started, “This isn’t funny. Are you thirsting for a fight, because if you are …”

Thirsting reminded James once again of his empty Gatorade bottle, and how there were three more ice cold ones waiting for him in the refrigerator. Ignoring his companion as he looked in the direction of the fridge, he raised his hand and snapped his fingers. A few seconds later, a bottle of green Gatorade came floating out of the kitchen.

James frowned, “I said blue … thank you very much.”

The green disappeared immediately and a blue bottle took its place. Jean watched in horror as it floated across the dining room.

“James … what if someone’s walking by the windows?”

With a wave of her hand the curtains in the dining room drew closed, and then with a second wave the living room curtains obeyed her silent command.

James caught the bottle. He opened it immediately and took a big drink. When he removed it from his lips he sighed. “Nothing like ice cold Gatorade right out of the fridge.”

Jean sat quietly and waited for what she knew was coming. James didn’t keep her waiting. “You know … I told you one day that you and Onyx were going to get caught.”

“Okay, okay …” Jean went immediately on the defensive. “So … once in a while I finger wiggle my way past a traffic jam or if I happen to be running really late…”

“Like you were the other night?” James cut in.

Jean sighed, “Yes … like the other night … I use a little magic to well … you know … get me where I need to go … BUT and I mean BUT … I am always discreet. I have never been caught.”

“Except for your late night ice cream run?” James added with a smile.

Jean frowned. “Okay … so that’s the exception. I’m claiming a Mulligan on that one. I thought she was asleep, and besides, it was Double Death by Chocolate. I couldn’t help myself.”

James gave her the free pass she asked for. “But what about your little traffic faux paux? I think she got you there.”

Jean’s resolution quickly returned. “I did not get caught! James … there is no way Ashley saw a thing. I made sure of that. She … she just well … she thinks she saw something she didn’t see … even if it really did happen … but I swear to you, she didn’t see it. You know I wouldn’t make that kind of mistake out in public.”

“Okay … I’ll buy that”, James stole another sip of his drink. “But what about everything else? You’ve got to admit … she’s pretty much nailed you cold as a witch.”

Jean was obviously flustered. “I’m … I’m sure there’s a perfectly rational explanation for the rest.”

“Oh I’m sure there is. Why don’t you share it with me?” James knew she was squirming on the hot seat. He couldn’t resist the urge to turn up the heat.

Jean reached for another piece of ice to cool things down. It cracked loudly when she popped it in her mouth. James waited patiently. He knew his beloved had nowhere to run.

Jean worked the ice a bit while she tried to work out the explanation of how she’d been exposed as a witch by a mere mortal that admittedly didn’t have both oars in the water.

James eventually prompted her. “Okay … so how do you explain her knowing about the proper witch’s protocol? That’s basic witchcraft 101. You and I knew the rules almost before we could walk or do the simplest spell, but … how would she come by such information? Unless … maybe you left a spell book in an open desk drawer one night and she stumbled across it?”

Jean shook her head. Her eyes narrowed. She didn’t want to beat her love’s trademark line to death, but it was the only word that fit.

“Really? Do you think that I would be so careless as to leave something like that lying around where anyone could get their hands on it. Really?”

James raised his hand and made a strategic retreat. “Okay … okay … but the fact remains. Somehow she knew.”

Jean drummed her well-manicured fingers on her knee. She looked at the television screen, not really seeing the credits for the movie she’d just missed passing by. She blinked her eyes in its direction. The DVD and television understood, and obeyed the silent command. Both powered off immediately.

“Fairy tales … I stand by my first explanation,” Jean said with conviction.

“Fairy tales?” James eyed her curiously

Jean stopped drumming and reached out her hands toward James’. He took it without hesitation.

Her eyes smiled at him. “Babe, you know full well that some of those fairy tales that people have been putting their kids to bed with for centuries have smidgens of fact in them. I can give you at least three examples that mention the proper witch’s protocol. You can bet your sweet caldron that Ashley probably knows every one of them by heart. She didn’t have inside information about my true identity. She just has a good memory for fairy tales, and a strong desire to see magic in a mortal world.”

James pulled his love back into his arms and weighed her explanation. He had to give her this one.

“Okay … I admit that she could have got that information, and possibly did get that information from the Brothers Grimm or Disney, but … now my love, we come to the heart of the matter.”

Jean batted her eyelashes innocently. She received no mercy from the judge. She dropped her head and sighed.

“You mean the whole thing about the aura and the sparkle, right?”

“Uh … huh. Can you explain that one … my future Mrs. Chesterton?”

Jean looked down at the engagement ring on her left hand. Her heart filled with love and happiness and a sense of belonging … belonging to someone who in turn belonged to her and she couldn’t think of anything more beautiful or more right. The jewel sparkled in the light and the sparkle reminded her of the one Ashley claimed to have seen in her eyes. Her smile slowly drained away.

“It … it could just be her imagination and wishful thinking?” Jean offered tentatively.

James turned his hand back and forth. “Uhhh … maybe. I’ve read some of those stories, and there’s no doubt she has all kinds of imagination and wishful thinking. I’ll even go so far to say that she wants her dream to come true so much that it’s possible her mind could see something that wasn’t there, but …”

Jean’s heart sank as her love moved in for the kill.

“The fact of the matter is … she saw something that IS there! She saw the sparkle and aura that every witch, warlock and magic user has, which can be seen by every other member of the union, but …”

“I know … I know”, Jean jumped in. “It’s something that no mortal can see unless the witch or magic user lifts the veil from the mortal’s eyes, and I swear to you, James, I never did that for Ashley. You have to believe me.”

James pulled her in close and she laid her head against his chest. “I know babe. I do believe you, but the fact remains … Ashley saw your witch’s sparkle and aura, and there is no denying that.”

“Or explaining it.” Jean added softly as she snuggled.

James seemed as stumped as his beloved. Ashley had seen Jean’s witch aura and sparkle, and yet by one of the oldest rules in witchcraft … there was no way she could have seen it.

“No … that’s impossible”, Jean said in a whisper, dismissing the ridiculous idea almost as soon as it came to her.

James however wasn’t so quick to let it go. “What is it babe? Did you find a loophole big enough for little Ashley to sneak through?”

Jean shook her head. “No … it was just a wild thought.”

James smiled seductively. “I love wild thoughts, but shouldn’t we stay focused on the whole Ashley thing?”

Jean pulled a pout. “Just for that I’m not having anymore wild thoughts for, oh, say … the next three days?”

James pulled his own pout, then offered up a little dog whimper that never failed to bring a smile to Jean’s face. This time didn’t break the streak. She relented and gave him the smile he was fishing for. He rewarded her with a kiss.

Once it broke he was back on the attack. “So, are you going to tell me what this wild idea of yours was … or do we have to play games all night?”

“Do I get to choose the games?” Jean the minx asked too innocently.

“Jean”, came James’ semi-serious reply.

“Okay”, she sighed. “You’re going to laugh because … well … the irony of it is … straight out of Twilight Zone.”

James waited silently, his eyes saying, “Okay, so tell me already.”

“The standard rule is that no mortal can see a witch’s or warlock’s aura and sparkle without their permission; however … as we both know, there are two exceptions to that rule.”

James’ puzzled expression said he wasn’t aware of said exceptions.

Jean nudged his recognition with a clue. “Remember … mortal does technically include certain non-human entities.”

James looked over at the two sleeping felines curled up in the soft chairs and then back at his love who surely must be playing one of the games she’d mentioned. “Jean, you’re talking about cats! That’s your exception? Yes, felines have an innate ability to sense our powers. That is why they become our familiars, but in case you haven’t noticed … Ashley has two legs, no tail and no whiskers, courtesy of electrolysis. I know one of her nicknames is Kitten … but what you’re suggesting is just ridiculous.”

Jean giggled. She loved it when James got all flustered. He was so cute then. Well, actually, … he was always cute, but especially so then.

“No silly. I’m not suggesting that she’s a cat. I was just pointing out what the first exception to the rule was.”

“And as far as I was ever taught at good ol’ Little Witches and Warlock Elementary … THAT is the only exception.” James leaned back and folded his arms against his chest, resting his back and his case.

“There is one other”, Jean offered meekly.

James shook his head. “I don’t know of any …”

And then the penny dropped. “Hey … I know you can’t possibly mean THAT? C’mon … that’s … that’s like getting me to eat a green vegetable other than lettuce. What are the odds on that one? A million to one?”

“There have been over a hundred reported cases.” Jean was struggling to maintain her shaky premise.

James rubbed today’s chin growth. “And how many of those one hundred cases were ever actually confirmed?”

“Three”, Jean squeaked.

“So … in the last eight hundred years that the World Witch and Warlock Registry have maintained records on this, there have been THREE confirmed cases of child enchantment, and you think our Ashley makes the fourth?”

Jean threw up her hands, “Yes … maybe … no … oh, what the hell! I don’t know. Honestly, James, I just don’t know. I know … I know, every bit of rational thought and magic training we’ve received says that … that … there is no such thing as a Peter Pan Kid: a magically enchanted child that never grows up even though her mortal body grows old. But with Ashley … I … I just don’t know. There’s … there’s …” Her voice trailed off.

“Something special about her?” James finished for his frustrated partner.

“Yes, damn it! Yes! At first I just thought it was the transsexual thing, and how she never got the chance to be a little girl, and then I thought it was just her imagination and inability to cope with reality, but … I feel like it’s more … deeper than that. You know how she is at work sometimes, but those are just tiny glimpses of the little girl within: smiles, giggles, hugs … and mostly, those big blue eyes filling with tears when we leave at night but … it’s much more than that when we’re away from work. When we get out … especially with the girls … it’s … it’s like a transformation … only without any finger wiggle magic on my part, I swear.”

Jean raised her hand to her face and made a peace sign just below her nose. The universal sign for a witch or warlock’s solemn promise removed any doubt James might have had that his love had a hand in the magic that was Ashley.

His nod and understanding look told Jean he believed her. It encouraged her to continue.

“It’s amazing. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen. She gets with the girls, and somehow … becomes one of them. As soon as she sees them … the transformation occurs. She’s all hugs and giggles and excited through the roof. Five minutes later she’s tagging after them like their long lost little sister.”

Jean sighed, shaking her head as a small smile peeked out. “You should have seen her and Samantha at King’s Island. Sam was watching out for her like the Ashley was the little sister … worried about her getting sick on the rides, and then when they ran through that sprinkler maze; Oh my God, two little bony butts soaking wet and having the time of their lives. They’d be twins if … if …

“If it wasn’t for the fact that she was six feet tall, older than you are, and has a voice like a low note on Samantha’s bass,”, James finished for her as a knowing smile turned at his lips.

Jean eyes misted as she forced her own smile. “Yes … yes … that’s it. Take away the adult body, and there isn’t much left besides kid. Even her speech and body language takes on childlike qualities when she’s around the girls.”

“Or even just around you.” James was quick to point out. “It’s like night and day. One minute she’s this tireless adult factory worker sending product down the line at light speed, and then you come into work and then … then it’s like a switch flips, and there’s this little girl who acts and reacts pretty much like any other.”

“Yeah … that’s pretty much the way I see it, too. I walk in and she lights up like I’ve come to collect her from day care.” Jean looked down into her empty glass and frowned. A few finger wiggles later it was overflowing with ice. She started to pick out a piece but sighed in frustration and set the glass on the table.

“I just don’t know what to do. I’ve talked to Ashley. I’ve tried to be patient and understanding and sympathetic … but she just gets more and more attached to me. Finally, she forced me to put up boundaries to keep a level of comfort for me and the girls … but the truth of the matter is, nothing really seems to work. That little girl within the big one just keeps begging to me to save her and … and I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

James pulled Jean in and worked the very mortal, but nonetheless magic properties of his strong arms holding her tight. He rocked her as if she were the child that Ashley so longed to be, and just possibly might be.

“She kind of gets to me, too”, he confessed as he rubbed Jean’s back.

Jean looked up and wiped a tear away. “Really?”

James sighed, “Yeah … really. There’s been a few times when we’ve had lunch together, just the three of us and she gets all ‘flusterpated’ when we tease her and … well … she does kind of remind me of my twins sometimes. And the tears she sheds when we drop her off at her place after we’ve done dinner or something … those are genuine kid tears. Lord knows, I’ve seen enough of them as a parent. ”

Jean nodded her understanding and agreement.

“And ... I really don’t think it has anything to do with the fact that she wears her hair up in pigtails or cultivates an adult sized Disney princess look. It’s … it’s more of a … a …”

“Essence?” Jean offered with a hopeful smile.

“Yeah … that works: essence. Sometimes it’s so strong that I almost forget she’s not one of your girls … that is … until I look at her.”

“Then you know what I’ve been going through. She’s like this stray kitten, who no matter how much I try to shoo her away, just keeps showing up at my door looking all pitiful and wanting me to adopt her. It’s driving me crazy, and I don’t know what to do.”

Jean laid her head on James’ shoulder, wishing he could chase away this problem and so many others. James could sense Jean’s need, and with all his heart he wished he could use his powers to make her troubles and pain just disappear, but that was beyond even a Warlock of his skill. In lieu of that, however, perhaps he could help her solve the problem.

“Maybe you’re right,” he said softly in her ear.

“About what?” Jean sleepily smiled up at her love, quickly getting comfortable in his arms.

“About the child enchantment. Maybe Ashley is the fourth true Peter Pan Kid. If you were to confirm that … you wouldn’t have to worry about what to do, the Book leaves no doubt as to your required course of action.”

Jean lifted her head, the look in her eyes saying she was wide awake now. “You’re right about that. We all know that one by heart.”

Jean quoted one of the well known commandments from the Book of Magic. “Any magic user who confirms a case of child enchantment is bound by the words and the spirit of this book, to lift the spell, make the child whole … AND to care for this child as his or her own.”

Jean giggled when she finished. “I remember back at the academy … we used to call that one the ‘You find it, you fix it, you bought it!’ rule.”

James smiled and nodded. “We called it ‘Instant Parenthood’ … just add magic and you’re a father. Not exactly my favorite way to be a Dad … It sort of takes the fun out of it, if you know what I mean.”

The sly grin Jean gave him and the way she gently caressed his thigh said she understood completely.

“Still …” He struggled to stay focused on the topic at hand and not on the one so close to Jean’s. “If you want to know for sure … If you want to know if Ashley is suffering from child enchantment, you can find out. If she’s not … then … according to the rules we’ve agreed to live by when we received permission to live among mortals, there’s nothing more you can do. However, if she is an enchanted one … well … then according to the Book of Magic, which supersedes those rules, you will have no choice what to do. At the moment, you can walk away free and clear, but … if you really want to find out what she’s made of … you have to accept the responsibility that could go with it.”

“You’re right, babe. That’s exactly what I’d be doing. Any time, or for that matter, any way you take on a child … you’re taking on a tremendous responsibility. And … even as much as I love her, I just don’t know if I want to do that. I’ve already dedicated nearly twenty years of my life to raising the girls and perpetuating the coven, but I don’t regret that, well … at least most of the time,” she added with a wry smile.

“But … I just don’t know if I really want to do it again. I swore after Samantha, I’d never buy another set of training wheels for a toddler broom.”

“I’ve been pretty much the same way after my twins. Talk about double trouble! Try getting caught in the cross fire between two junior witches fighting over a toy cauldron or a Barbie Dream Dungeon and Warlock Ken.”

“Been there … done that!” Jean testified as she crunched her ice.

James stole a piece of Jean’s ice, drawing him her pouty look for his theft. He quickly chased it with a gulp of Gatorade and a comment.
“I just want you to know something.” James looked into her eyes lovingly. “When I asked you to spend the rest of your life with me, that meant for better, for worse, and for any additional little witches or warlocks that might come our way; regardless how they come our way. If you want walk away from this, I’ll support that, and if you want to find out, I’ll support that, and any added responsibilities that may come from it. Whatever you choose, I’m okay with it.”

Jean looked at the man who completed her and felt more love coming from him and going out to him, than she’d ever dreamed possible. Each day she loved him more than she thought possible, and then the next day would come and break the previous day’s record. This was yet another record breaking moment.

“It means everything to me that you would willingly allow me to make a choice that would so dramatically affect both our destinies, and yes … I’ll admit it. Even though I hadn’t really wanted another child … I do love Ashley, and well … I know how happy she would be. What’s another set of training wheels, anyway? Right? But … as you’ve said so many times before, ‘We’re a family now’. I can’t make this choice alone, and I won’t. WE have to make it.”

James pulled his beloved back into his arms and held her close. His love for her transcended both the mortal and the magic user realm. In all realities and every way, she was everything to him. Her happiness, her sadness, her wants and needs were his. As long as she was happy, he was happy, and he could never happy as long as she was hurting. Right now … she was hurting, and he was pretty sure he knew what she needed to do to stop the pain, their shared pain.

James slipped an arm from around Jean and extending his hand toward the window, managed a little finger wiggle magic. The curtains immediately obeyed and opened to reveal the night sky.

“Last night of the full moon”, he said with a smile. “If we’re going to do it this month, then it has to be tonight.”

Jean nodded and then kissed her love, thanking him in her own special way for his willingness to help their friend and to take on such a responsibility.

Breaking the kiss, she was soon a witch on a mission. “Okay … we have a full moon. Time! It’s umm …” She made a quick glance at the clock. “Half past midnight. Ashley should be sound asleep by now.”

“Incantation?” James added to her check list.

“Right!” Jean looked over at her sleeping familiar. “Miss Cleo … wake up and do something besides eat and sleep.”

The Reubenesque feline raised her head and gave her mistress a most annoyed look. Nonetheless, she knew who held the can opener at this castle, so she slowly made her way to Jean’s feet.

“I need the Incantation from the Book.”

“This means you too, Marc,” James … prompted his sleeping feline familiar.

Marc matched Cleo’s annoyed look, but also shared her love of food, and soon joined her at Jean’s feet.

In accordance with the rules agreed upon, and to keep magic using to a minimum while living among mortals, Jean and James had agreed to leave possession of their copy of the Book of Magic with their familiars for safe keeping. It also helped remove the temptation of casting an impulse spell.

The two cats looked at each and then at their associates. They waited patiently for the necessary promise.

Jean raised the sign just below her nose. “I accept responsibility for the spell I am about to cast.”

When James repeated the sign and pledge, the two cats placed their paws together and the Book of Magic instantly appeared on the coffee table.

Jean wasted no time in thumbing through it until she found the incantation for child enchantment. She opened the end table drawer, then frowned. She looked pleadingly at James. “Don’t suppose you have pen and paper handy?”

James smiled and with a snap of his fingers, a writing quill, an ink well and parchment appeared before the lovely young witch.”

Jean rolled her eyes, “Okay, show off! All I really wanted was a notebook and a ball point pen.”

James shrugged his shoulders while Jean dipped the quill into the ink and wrote down the words they needed to lift the enchantment, should they find out that Ashley was a confirmed number four.

No sooner than she’d scribbled the last word, the book disappeared, returning to the place only Cleo and Marc knew. The two cats, their work both done, looked pleadingly across the room at their empty food dishes.

Jean shook her head but as usual, was a soft touch and seconds later the scent of fresh tuna had the big cats heading for the dinner bowls.

“Okay”, Jean went down the list again. “We have the full moon, a sleeping Ashley girl, the incantation and … and …”

“Ashley’s consent?” James added again.

Jean smiled, “I already have that. As if I was playing along, I asked her if that was what she wanted one day and she answered ‘Yes’. Then a few days later I asked her the same question, and again, she answered ‘YES!’ quite vehemently.”

James nodded. “Well, sounds to me like we have everything we need except for the soul sand.”

Jean melted into the couch. “Oh geez … I forgot about the soul sand.”

“You don’t have any on hand? A witch without soul sand?”

Jean raised an eyebrow. “Well … since we agreed to live pretty much as mortals … it’s not like I have a great need for potions anymore and it’s not like I can pick that up at the Walgreens, you know.”

Jean glanced up at the clock. “And my regular Apothecary is closed. He’s getting up in years now and doesn’t like to keep late hours.”

James smiled devilishly, knowing the answer before he asked the question. “We could always pop over to Witchmart. They’re open 24 hours. All we have to do is follow the bouncing magic ball.”

If James was looking for sparks, he found a blaze in Jean’s eyes. “You know how I feel about that place. They treat their workers worse than mortals. Why I’d ride my broom to the moon to get green cheese before I’d buy it from those blood sucking toads.”

James chuckled as he reached into his jean pocket and pulled out a small plastic bag. “Which is why I stopped at your apothecary and picked up a little soul sand on my way home.”

Jean’s eyes went wide. “Then … then you suspected all along?”

“Well …actually, I had thought about Ashley’s condition being child enchantment for quite some time, but I hadn’t brought it up. I didn’t want you to think I was crazy.”

Jean folded her arms. “Like the way you made me think I was crazy when I brought it up?”

“Okay that’s one way to look at it, but I think the important thing to remember is that we eventually came together on it.”

Jean smiled devilishly and punched her fist into her palm. “Here’s another way to look at it. You … let me go on and on like that … getting all … all … emotional.”

James leaned back against the couch assuming a defensive position. “I would like to take this opportunity to remind you of how much I love you and how much you love me.”

Jean raised her right hand, fingers ready to do damage. “I really ought to give you a good whipping.”

A smile spread across James’ face. “Really?”

It quickly disappeared as he tried to feign fear and disappointment. “I mean … really?” He added sadly, “I guess that was pretty bad of me. I suppose I deserve whatever punishment you deem necessary. I’ll go get the cat of nine tails.”

James was already rising out of the couch before the rest of his body offered to move.

Jean rolled her eyes and then sat down on his lap. A grunt and then a moan escaped his lips.

Jean leaned forward wiggling her bum a little. “Yes … you have been a bad boy and I’ll take care of that later, but we need to get to Ashley’s flat while we still have the moon. Now, do you need a few minutes … or are you ready to go?”

James blew out a heavy breath, “I’m ready … to go, that is.”

Jean kissed him teasingly and then rolled off. “Alright then … my broom or yours?”

James sighed. “Why don’t you let me drive? I need to get my attention on something else.”

Jean giggled as she observed the tent in his trousers. “Yes … I think you do.”

James made no comment on the subject Jean had raised. He simply offered his hand to his love and she took it willingly. With a wave of his free hand, he closed the curtain Jean had opened earlier and then with a snap, the pair disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Ten minutes by car on a light traffic day, took seconds by magic express. Jean and James appeared in Ashley’s one room flat. In the event that their friend could be awake, they had appeared in stealth mode. Seeing Ashley and her cat Muffin sleeping peacefully in her bed, the pair became visible.

Jean looked around the sparsely furnished flat. It was truly a reflection of the conflict of life and body that Ashley had. Her work uniforms were hung neatly on a rack, and a tea kettle with one cup spoke of her addiction to the British drink. These things belonged to the big girl who came to work and did what she had to do to survive.

Next to the drab uniforms were several play dresses and overalls, no doubt custom sewn to fit the little princess in the queen sized body. Hair bows and ties sat on a mirrored dresser, along with a stack of coloring books and a box of crayons.

A quick look toward Ashley’s bed found two pictures on a nightstand. One was a group photo of Jean and her daughters. The other was the picture of a little girl that Jean had drawn for Bug on her birthday. They were precious masterpieces to the big little girl now sleeping.

Jean walked over and sat down on the edge of Ashley’s bed. Her presence woke Muffin who raised her head and then seeing it was a friend, stretched out a paw in Jean’s direction. Jean knew the drill and gave the fluffy feline a good scratch behind the ears.

With a wave of his hand, James coaxed low light from the lamp at Ashley’s bedside, revealing the sleeping woman curled up holding her stuffies close. ‘She even sleeps like a kid,’ he thought at Jean.

Jean watched her friend sleep. Depending on the results of this test, she would either wake up and face the day the same as she had any other, or … she would wake up to the first day of a new life … and what she would think was a dream come true.

James lowered the light again and then opened the curtains. The moonlight poured in, bathing Ashley in a cool blue hue.

James reached out his hand to Jean who took it without hesitation. ‘Well, babe … we’ve got the moonlight, a sleeping kid, the magic words and the magic sand. I think it’s now or never. If you have any second thoughts, now is the time to voice them.’

Jean sighed heavily. Her wonderful warlock was right. It was the moment of truth and the truth was … she had doubts. No … the doubts weren’t about accepting the responsibility that came with Ashley being an enchanted child. The doubts were about what she would do if she found out her friend wasn’t.

Actually, she shouldn’t have any doubts if that occurred. According to the agreement both she and James had signed when they’d agreed to live among mortals, their magic use was severely restricted. Despite the fact that either of them had the power to easily grant Ashley her wish, they were forbidden to use it. Should she fail the child enchantment test and Jean decide to break the agreement and use magic to change her, it might well be the last spell she ever cast. Best case scenario, the Guild’s Council of Elders would strip her of her powers. She would not just live among mortals, she would become mortal, and as her accomplice, James would suffer the same fate. Worse case scenario involved a lily pad built for two.

Common sense made this a no-brainer. Any smart witch or warlock, would read the incantation, sprinkle the soul sand and wait to see if a child appeared where an adult once slept. If you get the rug rat, you take her home and add another dependant to your tax return. If it doesn’t … you walk away without wiggling a finger.

However, maternal instinct and common sense rarely go hand in hand. Yes, Jean had been of two minds about whether or not Ashley was an enchanted child, and whether she wanted to take on the responsibility of being her mother, but as she watched her clutching her stuffed baby … the love Jean felt for her friend removed any lingering doubts about accepting her as her daughter. It was a done deal, with or without magic.

Jean looked deep into James’ eyes. The moonlight gave her an angelic glow that made her heavenly beautiful to her love.

‘I … I don’t want to do the test,’ she confessed.

’Really?’ James appeared astounded at her decision.

Jean raised a hand before he could comment further. ‘Wait … I’ve been thinking about something … something you’ll probably think is crazy because … well it probably is crazy, but it’s the way I feel and … and …’

‘And that’s all that matters babe.’ James caressed the soft hand in his and gave Jean a loving smile. ‘So tell me what’s on your mind.’

Jean drew from James’ love and steadfast belief in her to find the words. ‘It’s .. it’s a lot of things. For one … this whole enchantment test. Who says it really proves Ashley is truly a child trapped in an adult body?’

‘The Guild’s Council of Elders, the Book of Magic, and a belief system witches and warlocks have held to be true for nearly ten thousand years.’

James didn’t like being cast in the role of devil’s advocate, but his beloved had left him no choice.

Jean knew what he was trying not to do, and how difficult it was for him to do it. She appreciated the sacrifice and welcomed the opportunity to say what she felt in her heart.

‘The Council of Elders is a bunch of old pompous cranks. The Book of Magic was written by a half dozen drunken witches and warlocks during a magic convention in London, and as far as our time honoured belief system, the greatest minds in the mortal world once believed the world was flat. We both know how that one worked out. The point is … I don’t think who Ashley truly is should be decided by those things.’

‘And who do you think is qualified to make that choice?’

Jean returned her gaze to Ashley’s sleeping form. Her friend’s hopes and dreams could very well hinge on the argument she was presenting. ‘Why not ask Ashley? Don’t you think after forty years of existence she should have a pretty good idea of who she truly is? She knew she was a girl when no one else believed she was. Her successful transition proves she knew what she was talking about. Well … she says she’s a little girl. She says it in her stories, her smiles, her tears, her hugs and she’ll tell you straight out if you ask her. Seems to me her opinion should count for something.’

James nodded. He couldn’t argue with her logic … at least so far.

‘And there’s you and me. We both think she’s a little girl or damn close to one. We’ve both said it. The only thing about Ashley that isn’t a child is her body, the image she presents. Well … one of the first things we learned at the Little Witch and Warlocks Academy was images mean nothing!’

Jean raised her free hand, and then with an expert finger wiggle she set out to prove her point. In a blink of an eye, Jean’s slender sexy female form was gone and its place stood a large grey elephant. The plump pachyderm filled Ashley’s tiny room. James quickly found himself pinned to the wall. The elephant’s trunk came round and kissed him on the nose.

James grunted as his ribs felt the pressure of his two ton lover’s hips against him. ’Talk about thunder thighs,’ he groaned a thought at her.

Then his two legged love returned as quickly as she’d left. James let out a relieved sigh. ‘Why does your favorite animal have to be an elephant?’

Jean giggled, kissing him on the nose once again. ‘Because my other favorite is a whale, and then there’s all the water damage afterwards.’

James returned the kiss, only dropping down to meet Jean’s lips. When the kiss broke, Jean was back on the attack.

‘Image is nothing. Any first year magic student can shape shift into a dozen different animals and alter her age or gender. So … throw out the body, and what’s left? I’ll tell you what’s left. What’s left that really means anything: her mind, her heart and her soul. Well … I don’t know about you, but I think there is a lot of little girl in those things when it comes to Ashley.’

‘Babe you do know what I think and I agree with you. There’s no doubt that in her heart and her mind she wants to be a little girl, believes she is a little girl and therefore probably is. As for soul … well … perhaps there too, but according to the Book, those are all clear cut signs of child enchantment. So … why not just give her the test, cast the spell and we’ll take her home?’

Jean shook her head, ‘No … it’s not right. Even if she passes the test it’s not. I … I really didn’t think about it until I got here and sat on her bed and watched her sleep. She’s not just a nameless, faceless mortal; she’s my friend, and I love her. Her destiny is squarely in our lap.’

‘Which is where she will be if she passes the test.’ James flashed a smile hoping to calm his emotional soul mate.

Jean got up and walked to the window. She gazed out at the moon, taking a few moments to find just the right words to express the powerful emotions within. When she turned to face James, she hoped she’d found them.

‘Because you and I are magic users, do you think we are better than mortals?’

James was caught a bit off guard by the question, but it was an easy one. ‘Of course not! You know how I feel. It’s the same way you do. Witches and warlocks aren’t better, we’re just … different. Yes … we have some powers that mortals don’t, but that doesn’t make us better or superior. If we felt that way … we wouldn’t have petitioned the Council to let us live among them. We love the way they live life … actually doing things, as opposed to just snapping your fingers or waving your hands. There’s a joy, a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction in really doing things … even if they’re less than successful. Are we different? Yes! Are we superior? Absolutely not!’

Jean smiled. She’d gotten the reaction she knew she would get. If James didn’t share her feelings on this matter, he couldn’t have been her soul mate.

‘So … what gives us the right to judge Ashley? I’m not superior? You’re not superior? Despite what the Council of Elders may think … they are not superior, and certainly none us of is all knowing! Can you sit there and honestly tell me that you or I, or some damn hocus pocus test has the right to judge Ashley’s soul or determine her destiny? … Or for that matter ours … because if she passes the test, she’s ours, lock, stock and pigtails.’

Jean had raised some valid points. She’d always been a bit of a maverick witch at the academy. She was well known for challenging the establishment, questioning the unquestionable, championing the underdog mortal, bending rules on occasion, and breaking them when necessary. Her passion for the truth, coupled with her strength and compassion were some of the main reasons he’d been drawn to her. The way she filled out her school gown was another.

Jean was a bit angry … but that anger was not compromising her judgement. Her points were well taken. Was it right for Ashley … to be or not to be a little girl … to be decided by moonlight, a few words, a handful of dust and a group of witches and warlocks who had never met her? For James and Jean … whether or not they would set another cereal bowl at the breakfast table tomorrow would be decided by these same things. Looking at it that way in the cold light of reality, and not magical moonlight, James couldn’t argue with his beloved and didn’t want to. She was right. This was wrong.

Jean could see she had reached James with her words. She quickly crossed the room and offered him her hand. He took it as always, and they sat down on the end of the bed. Her mind’s voice softened, but the power and passion of her words had not lost their intensity. ‘James … courtesy of my ‘elle fat’ you have to agree that form or body really doesn’t mean much when it comes to who we truly are.’

‘Yes … you showed me the painful truth of that.’ James rubbed his sore ribs and groaned.

Jean smiled apologetically and continued. ‘We’ve both agreed that her mind and her heart is that of a little girl, at least for the most part.’

James nodded.

‘Well then … if we consider the body to be irrelevant, and her mind and heart to be mostly little girl, then that only leaves us with her soul. Do you think she has the soul of a little girl?’

It was a question James had not been prepared to answer. ‘I … I don’t know. I … think so, but I’m not sure. Maybe … maybe not. How can you possibly judge someone’s soul?’

Jean’s eyes sparkled a brilliant blue. ‘Exactly! How can I or anyone else? I’m her best friend. I know her better than anyone, and I can’t say she has the soul of a little girl. Like you … I … I think she does … but I don’t know and I’m not qualified to judge her soul, but neither is a handful of magic sand and a group of old crones who think of mortals as one step above livestock!’

If Jean had been teetering on the brink of heresy, she’d finally gone over the edge. Her last statement was full blown blasphemy, and she wasn’t done yet. ‘It isn’t fair to Ashley, and it isn’t fair to us. Don’t you think the choice of whether or not she becomes our daughter should really be up to us and not some test? Don’t you think she should be with us because we love her and want her? Don’t you think the fact that she loves us and wants to be part of our family means something? And how can you not take into consideration that we both know that being a little girl and our daughter is the only thing in the world that will ever give her true peace and joy, and a desire to live?’

A single tear traced down Jean’s lovely face. James took a finger and gently wiped it away, wishing he could wipe away anything that caused his beloved pain, but at least this was a shared pain. He could not argue with a single point she raised. Her words were true, and he shared her passion for them. It seemed terribly unfair to Ashley and to both of them, but life is unfair, even to magic users.

‘Babe I don’t like this any better than you do. You’re right. It’s unfair. It sucks. Ashley shouldn’t need to pass a test and we shouldn’t need permission to use magic and adopt her … but … those are the rules. It’s the rules that we grew up with and the rules we both agreed to when the Council of Elders gave us permission to live among the mortals. I know it’s difficult to live in a world with so much suffering and not be able to wiggle a finger to change it.’

‘James, I’m not talking about changing the world. I’m not asking for world peace. I can’t even get peace at my own dining room table!’

Jean trembled as she squeezed James’ hands. ‘We don’t have the ability to change the world, I know that and I’m not so sure I’d want to if we did, but we do have the magic to change Ashley’s world and our own little world. And … well … damn it! What’s the use of having the ability to help someone who desperately wants you to help them, in a way that you know will help them … if you’re not allowed to use it? And … if we don’t help her, who will? How many other magic users live on our block, and even if one did … do you really think they’d be willing to lift the enchantment … assuming that’s what it is, and then take on the responsibility? How many other witches or warlocks would be willing to put their powers on the line for one mere mortal?’

James sighed and then smiled. ‘I have a feeling I’m looking at least one who would.’

’And am I looking at one?’ Jean asked hopefully. ‘Because no matter how strongly I feel about this, I won’t lift a finger to break the rules unless you agree with me … unless you really want to do this too. We’re a team. We’re family. I love you in ways I never knew love was possible. You complete in ways I never knew I was incomplete. I can’t and I won’t ask you to jeopardize your position as a warlock or to do anything you don’t believe in, no matter how much I believe in it. I think we take this stand together, come what may, or ... we walk away from it all and not look back. Either way, babe, we have to do it together.’

James didn’t comment immediately. He looked at the woman he loved, who unbelievably, loved him. She was beautiful in every way measurable. Her presence gave him a joy, an energy and sense of pride he’d never experienced before. Her smile, her touch, the sound of her voice … were magic, stronger magic than anything he’d ever learned to master. He hadn’t truly been alive until he’d met her and he couldn’t imagine life without her. He loved everything about her; especially her passion and not just the kind they shared after the kids were in bed. She had true passion for what she believed in and cared about. She believed in the right of her friend to live … as who and what she felt she was. She believed in their right to choose whether or not to help that friend, and she believed that they should have the choice when it came to taking responsibility for another life in this world. She believed all those things and … so did James.

‘Honey … I feel the same way, and … well … I know it might mean I will actually have to walk to the kitchen to get my Gatorade and I won’t be able to magically relocate those trees that seem to keep getting in the way of my golf ball … but yes … if we have to suffer the wrath and lose our powers …or even worse … I’m willing to do it … because it is the right thing to do … for Ashley and for us.’

Happy tears welled in Jean’s eyes as she pounced on her handsome and wonderful warlock.

James rocked her in his arms, savouring the feel of her body against his and so happy he could make her happy. Hopefully … he might have something yet up his sleeve that would make her even happier.

James reluctantly removed Jean’s face from chest. ‘Yes … I’m willing to face the music, even if it’s country.’

Jean wrinkled her nose. They both had distaste for country music.

‘But … there might be another way you know, a way to skip the enchantment test, use our magic to transform Ashley and … without all the heat of a Salem Witchcraft trial.’

Jean perked up. ‘I’m all ears.’

James struggled to draw his attention away from a pair of parts that had absolutely nothing to do with hearing. ‘What if … what if … we could apply to the council for a special dispensation to use major magic this one time? You know … sort of like a hardship situation? We could explain the unique circumstances with Ashley, possibly raising some of the umm … less inflammatory points of your argument? Perhaps we could offer some minor concessions on our part. You know … like maybe we might be willing to actually show up for mandatory coven meetings occasionally.’

Jean smiled sheepishly. She was always the little irritant in the Council’s backside and the one who moaned about having to attend the little black outfit affairs, but if there was a way to do this with the council’s blessing she was all for it.

‘That sounds like a great plan … if it had a snow ball’s chance in a pot of boiling oil. But c’mon James … You know how they are. It could take years just to get them to even entertain such a petition, and then another century or two to get those fat assed broom jockeys to render a ruling on it. And looking for mercy from those cold hearted, burned out, blue nosed old farts …’

‘Wasn’t easy … but I did it, so stop before they change their mind already.’ James quickly pulled a signed piece of parchment from his jacket pocket and shoved it in front of his love’s eyes, proving his claim and hoping to disengage her mouth.

It was successful. She was speechless.

James smiled and pulled her in for a hug. ‘I’m sure you have a thousand questions, and once you regain the power of speech, I’m sure you will ask them.

‘And … we … mostly you that is … have a few people there who aren’t exactly fond of you and that is putting it mildly. Trust me … it was a hard sell, and I had to make some promises I’ll discuss with you later, but long story short … they gave us permission. I only got the signed papers this afternoon. I’m glad you didn’t push this any sooner. We may not have been able to get a happily ever after out of this.’

Jean wiped the happy tears from her eyes. She didn’t know if she should kiss him for what he’d done or spank him for not telling her what he’d been up to. He would consider either one a treat, so it really didn’t matter. Since the cat of nine tails was not handy and her lips were … she planted them on him.

They held the kiss and each other for long moment and then reluctantly broke it as she’d regained the power of speech.

‘You’re right … I do have lots of questions, but I will only ask one … for now. Why didn’t you tell me?’

James sighed, ‘It wasn’t easy keeping this from you. I hate keeping anything from you, but … I didn’t know if it would work, and I didn’t want you stressing over it and I definitely didn’t want you storming the Council chambers, but the main reason was … I felt I had to give you the freedom to find your own way on this. You had to decide if you thought Ashley might be suffering from child enchantment. You had to decide if you wanted to test her and take on the responsibility should she pass the test, and you had to decide if you wanted to tell the council to stuff the test and do it your own way. Yes, the final decision would be ours, but you had to come to this point on your own. I couldn’t help you.’

‘They told me quite a lot, and told me I must pass it on to you. You know that story that there have been only three confirmed cases of child enchantment in a hundred cases?’

She nodded.

‘You’ve heard of statistics, of course. Well, that three in a hundred is the percentage of suspected child enchantment cases that are tested and test positive before a transformation is attempted.

‘Did they say what other tests there are?’

‘No, except for one. Nobody ever reaches the council who has not of their own free will, asked to spend a lifetime as a mortal.’

Jean was thoughtful for a moment before she smiled at her wise and wonderful warlock. ‘So … how sure were you that I would tell them to stuff it?’

James wiggled his finger at her. ‘That’s another question, but since you asked … I would’ve bet my new golf clubs on that, and actually I did, along with a few other things. Hey, do I know my girl or what?’

Jean nodded and smiled seductively, ‘You know your girl and in every way.’ She moved in for a kiss and met no resistance.

One kiss led to four before they finally decided it was time to collect their new crumb snatcher and head home. Tonight was soon becoming tomorrow, and they had a lot of t’s to cross and i’s to dot to make Ashley legally theirs in the eyes of the mortal world.

Jean held James’ hand as they watched Ashley sleep. ‘You want to do the honours and I fly us home, or do you want me to make her dreams come true and you do the driving?’

James smiled nervously, ‘Yeah … ummm … you can do the transformation or I can, but as for flying home … how about a nice romantic walk instead?’

Jean’s eyes went wide. ‘A nice romantic walk? It’s well over a mile, you’ll be carrying a forty pound sack of potatoes on your hip, and … there’s not a romantic piece of landscape between here and our house, unless the 7-11 gets you all excited. Why on Earth would you want to walk all the way …?’

Jean stopped in mid sentence as she saw the hang dog look on her love’s face. ‘One of the concessions you had to make?’

James sighed and raised a single finger, ‘One.’

Jean smiled and kissed him. ‘That’s okay. She’s worth being grounded for, and I guess any walk with you is always romantic. … Uh, wasn’t there anyone on the council supporting me?’

‘A few, but they agreed to the restrictions so the resolution would pass. Even with the dispensation, the magic still will not work unless we ask her twice at the proper time while casting the spell, so I guess it is time to wake her up.’

James looked down at the sleeping woman who was but a few words and a finger wiggle away from being a Toys’R’Us kid.

When he knelt down to wake Ashley, Jean laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and stopped him. 'Here, better let me do this. I know how to handle her. If we don’t limit her to a simple yes or no, we’ll be up all night answering her questions.'

James deferred to Jean without hesitation or comment. Jean sat next to Ashley and turned on the dim bedside lamp, then cast the preliminary part of the transformation spell before speaking out loud, “Ashley … Ashley, it’s Jean. Please wake up dear.”

Ashley smiled but did not wake. Jean frowned. ‘Guess I’ll have to cheat.’

“Ashley … pizza’s here.”

Ashley eyes opened immediately and then went wide with a smile to match when she saw Jean looking down at her.

“Jean! Jean!” she cried and her arms immediately went for a hug. “How did you ...”

Jean placed a hand over Ashley’s open mouth. “Ashley … listen and don’t interrupt. If you understand me … just nod.”

Ashley nodded.

Jean smiled, “Good girl. Now I … that is we … as James is here with me. Do you see James?”

Ashley did indeed see James standing behind Jean. The tall figure greeted her with a smile. Ashley nodded once again.

“Good girl. Now where was I? Oh yeah. We don’t have a lot of time here. James likes to watch Letterman and I forgot to set the Tivo, so I’m going to run through this quick so we can get back home.

“So … here goes. You were right. I am a witch and you probably weren’t expecting this one, but James is a warlock, and after a lot of thought and negotiations with management … don’t ask … we now have the ability to grant your wish.

“You can be the little girl you always wanted to be and we’ll be your parents. All I need to hear from you is yes. I can imagine what you’re thinking. ‘This is all a dream, right?’ Well … okay, either it is or it isn’t. If it is … ride it out … make the most of it and then tell me all about it tomorrow at work.

“But … if it is the real thing then you can ask us all the questions you want to over breakfast tomorrow.”

“Now, I need you to answer this. Were you telling me the honest truth?”

“Do you, more than anything, want to be a five year old girl?”

Ashley’s eyes opened so wide that James wondered how she would ever close them again. “Yes, Yes, Yes.”

Jean shook her head and pulled Ashley in for a cuddle. “I said once maybe twice. Geez, she doesn’t listen any better than the others”

“I ask you a second time, knowing that the choice is irreversible, at least until you have grown to be a young woman, ‘Do you, more than anything, want to be a five year old girl?’ ”

“Yes. Does that mean you will be my mommy?”

“Yes dear, I will be your mommy, and James will be your daddy, and you can be one of our flower girls. Now, it is time to go back to sleep until morning.” Jean gave a finger wiggle and Ashley’s eyes closed. She gently eased her friend back down into the bed. Raising her “trigger finger” to her lips she blew invisible smoke from it and smiled. ‘Works better than Sleep-Eze.’

James leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I gotta admit that was good.”

“Years of practice, my love. Now … what say we get this show on the road?”

James gave his own finger wiggles and spoke the words that completed the spell. There was the sound of a thunderclap, and the room seemed to be as light as day for a moment, though their eyes were not dazzled.

Looking down, they saw a small girl lying on the bed, with Muffin head bumping her, seemingly not bothered at all by what had taken place.

“Time to go home, dear.”

Jean looked out the window at the run down houses and broken sidewalks. “Oh well … at least it’s not raining.”

A clap of real thunder came as if on cue, and a light rain pecked at the window. James sighed, “Really?”

Jean shook her head and chuckled. “They heard my remark about fast-assed broom jockeys, didn’t they?”

James didn’t reply. The answer was obvious. Jean searched for something to wrap their new daughter, their new cat and Ashley’s stuffies in for the long wet walk home.

As they left, they looked around at the room that had once held their new daughter, but never fit her. Despite her resolve, Jean’s face was wet even before James opened the door.

As he opened the door, her love told her, “Despite the ‘Wizard of Oz’, we don’t melt in the rain.”

“But both of you will suffer because of me. I’d endure being rained on three times as hard for the two of you to get back dry.”

The rain stopped, the clouds disappeared as quickly as they’d arrived, and the moonlight returned.

Hugs and Love; Maggie

Special thanks to Holly H Hart and shalimar for their editing and creative contributions

All In the Day of a Mother

by Maggie O'Malley

dedicated to Momma Shelly, all my sisters, and all my family. Special dedication to my big sister Steffi. Thanks for the ball game and the hotdog. I will never forget that day.

Steffi was sitting all alone on the swing in the backyard. Momma Shelly glanced out the kitchen window as she was preparing afternoon lunch, and saw her thirteen-year-old with her ball cap pulled down over her eyes. She watched the young teen sitting slumped and dragging her feet back and forth across the ground as the swing slowly rocked.

Shelly sighed and shook her head. She didn’t need her Evil Witch powers to sense just how sad her daughter was. Any good momma seeing the image that Steffi was cutting could tell her baby was hurting, and Shelly doing her very best to be a good momma set aside lunch preparations for the moment and headed for the back door to see if she could help.

Shelly stood at the screen for a moment and regarded the solitary sullen teen. Just an hour ago Steffi had been all smiles. Granted, she'd been anything but smiles that morning but the two of them had worked everything out, or at least Shelly THOUGHT they had. She closed her eyes for a moment and Steffi's emotions were now hers. Shelly felt tears welling in her eyes as her daughter's frustration and sadness became hers. Sighing, she head out the door to see if she could help her daughter once again. Steffi's state not only reminded her of this morning, but of a time over a year ago.

The young mother had felt these very same emotions from Steffi the first time they had met. It was the girl’s great need to be loved and to belong that had brought her to Shelly and convinced the Evil Witch to transform the troubled soul into one of her daughters.

Then however, Shelly's powers did not extend beyond chatroom magic, and all she could do was weave that for Steffi and give her cyber hugs as often as she could. Shelly's love and acceptance coupled with that of her new sister's gave the girl love and a sense of home but not all children are equal when it comes to need, and Steffi was just one of those kids who needed more understanding, more attention, and more love.

Shelly sensed her daughters need and the pain she carried as a result. It worried her to no end, and frustrated her deeply as she didn’t have the power to satisfy her child's need and take away her pain.

Each night before bed, Shelly would talk with the Boss and ask him to grant her true Evil Witch powers. There were so many she wanted to help, so many who suffered and would be lost without the benefit of magic. When she thought of those troubled souls, she thought of Steffi, and then her prayers would become tearful pleas to the Boss.

It was during one of those nights that Shelly had buried her face in hands and cried for the sick souls she needed to heal and children she so need to take care of, when the Boss dried her eyes, lifted her from her knees and granted her wish.

That night was six months ago and so much had happened. Shelly was allowed to share her power with her sister Jenna and the pair got other sisters as they went about the world healing those souls sick of the body and the spirit. Within a few days, Jenna, Richard and lil Cathleen were the family they truly always had been, and Momma Shelly had more kids than the old lady who lived in the shoe.

A sprwaling old two story house, that as big as it appeared to be on the outside, had to be bigger on the inside, was filled with the sounds of happy girls and one happy baby boy named Huggy. A dozen girls ranging from three to 16, including several sets of twins all shared the home that love and magic had built.

Shelly had given all her cyber daughters the option to make their cyber family a reality and most of them readily accepted the chance to truly be the girls they had always been in their hearts and dreams.

These six months had been the happiest of Shelly's life and of her children's as well. Of course the adapting to the bodies and the family they had only knew in cyber life took some minor adjusting, but because the hearts and the souls were always right, they easily slipped into the body and the life that now matched.

The littlest ones had the easiest time of adjusting, as Shelly had taken away most of their pain and scars from the life before, in order for them to truly be the young innocents they needed to be. To them, that past was a monster under the bed or a scary dream that a quick cuddle with mommy soon chased away.

The older ones retained all or selected memories of their life before. Shelly had left that decision up to each of them and the past didn’t seem to be getting into their new futures’ way anymore than it did the little ones.

Yes, for the most part it had been a very happy three months. Oh, there was the usual squabbling among siblings that any large family endures. Shelly had been peacemaker numerous times, settling disputes over bathroom, blouse, and stuffed toy possession. She had listened and comforted both teen and toddler tears. She had awoken to breakfast or children in bed several mornings, and paced the floors at night waiting for the last of her chicks to make it in after a date.

All and all, she couldn’t be happier and she felt her children were too, but...still there was Steffi. The child that worried her the most before the magic, worried her the most after. Yes, she was happy with the transition and happy to be part of the family. For the most part, those baby blues of hers shined with a true joy they had never known before, but her wounds from the past life ran deep. Shelly had offered to take away a great deal of those painful memories, but Steffi held onto all but a few saying that in order to really appreciate what she had, she never wanted to forget what it was like to be without it.

Being thirteen is an awkward age for any young girl becoming a woman. Parents call this the "terrible teens", the second terrible stage following the terrible twos. Hormones begin sculpting the mind and body, school and peer pressure becomes an issue, and boys become an interest instead of a nuisance.

Puberty is enough to cause temporary insanity in any normal girl and the parent that has to suffer through it with her, but for Steffi it was doubly difficult as the hurts from the life before had hardly healed, and now she was taking on a whole new set. And....add to that, Steffi was also very much the tomboy.

While most of her sister's were ready to steal deals at the fashion mall, Steffi was looking to steal second for her baseball team. Ally and Elsa spent hours reading Teen Dream and Young Miss. Steffi asked for a subscription to Sports Ilustrated. Amelia and Angela told her that accessories can be a girls best friend. Steffi agreed saying she hated to go anywhere without her baseball cap and her mitt. Steffi's idea of putting on makeup was the eye black she smeared on beneath her eyes before each game. Her idea of formal attire was a pair of jeans and a tshirt that had less than three holes in them. Dress was a dirty word, and the only time she had worn one had been to honor her mother's request when they attended synagogue.

Shelly's heart would go out to her daughter as Steffi would sit in synagogue squirming like a restless toddler. Constantly pulling at the collar or tugging on the hem, Steffi battled to survive her silk and lace prison. Once home after services, Steffi would fly up the stairs, shed her dress and heels, and then return in jeans and tee with the relieved smile of a condemned prisoner granted parole.

And as for boys....the only ones Steffi seemed to moon over where those who were in the starting lineup for the Phillies, the Eagles or the Seventy-Sixers. In her former life she had been a big Philadelphia sports fan, and even though she no longer resided in her native state, she still supported them. Shelly would hear Steffi cry out in obvious pain, and then go running up the stairs, arriving at her room only to find Steffi having head phones attached, and her distress being a bad officials call at the ball game she was tuned into.

Shelly had discussed her concerns about Steffi's tomboy lifestyle several times with her sisters. Janet, the baby sister of the family, had fancied herself as a bit of a tomboy growing up, and still kept a running family joke insisting Shelly's magic had never worked and she was still a boy. No one took her too seriously, as it was hard to find much "boy" in the 5'4 shapely diva who was rarely seen in anything other than a mid-length dress and that usually in some shade of pink.

Janet said being a tomboy was who she needed to be then and in time she found her own definition of feminity and womanhood. She was confident that Steffi would do the same, and that Shelly needed to support her decision to be herself, even if that self was a jean and ball cap wearing second baseman.

Shelly and her sisters agreed with Janet, and Shelly had supported Steffi in her choice, and told her that should she ever wish to embrace things a bit more feminine, she could count on her mother and her sisters to help. Steffi hugged and kissed her mother and then said she was late for ball practice, and headed for the field on her bicycle that she wished was a motorcycle.

So....all of this went on for nearly five months. Steffi seemed to be relatively content being a tomboy sister in a house mostly full of potential Barbi's. Kay, Steffi's younger sister, did share her love of sports, and had joined Steffi on the local baseball team as a pitcher. Despite her smallish size, she had sent many of the boys back to the dugout shaking their heads after being struck out by a 10-year-old girl with a wicked curve ball.

Steffi and Kay also had a resident little sister's fan club as Maggie and Baruchah, the five- year-old twins, idolized their slugging big sisters and constantly whined to tag after them to games and practice. Shelly finally got the twin toddler's cheerleading outfits so they could "play" too. Jenna got Cathleen one to match Maggie and Baruchah's so the duo became a toddler trio and a regular fixture at the ball games.

Steffi had really been making progress and Shelly could see that despite the raging hormones, the battle of baseball versus barbie, and the normal day to day stresses of life with eleven sisters and a baby brother, she truly seemed more at peace.

It is the nature of all mothers to worry and when you have a dozen children that’s a lot of sleepless nights, but the baby she had worried most about finally seemed to be finding her place and Shelly breathed a sigh of relief.

Sadly it was a short sigh, as over the last three weeks, Stephie had become moodier and more withdrawn. Shelly knew it was more than just hormones and peer pressure, or the Phillies six game losing streak.

She had quarreled badly with little Baruchah, sending the toddler running to her momma with tear filled eyes. Shelly intervened immediately, and as with most sibling disputes, it was all just hurt feelings and a misunderstanding. The pair made up immediately, but Shelly could feel something else, far deeper still troubling her baby. Shelly wanted to help her, but she sensed Steffi wasn't ready yet, and didn’t push the issue.

Over the last few days, saying Steffi hadn't been herself, was putting it mildly. At home, she had barricaded herself in her either her room or the bathroom, coming down only for chores and meals. Even her beloved sports weren't immune from whatever was bothering her, as her play was noticeably subpar. She had made three errors in her last game on routine plays from short and fired one ball almost twenty feet over the head of the first baseman. She faired no better at the plate, striking out twice and getting chided by her coach for not having her head in the game.

Thursday morning it all came to a head as she nearly gave her mother a coronary, and stopped all her sister's in mid-cereal shoveling, when she came down stairs dressed in best jeans, a t-shirt that did not have a number, logo, or "property of" printed on it, and most of all MINUS BASEBALL CAP.

Silence echoed through out the dining area as Steffi took her seat and reached for the corn flakes. Pouring herself a generous bowl, she finally looked up at her wide eyed staring sisters and barked, "What's everybody lookin at?"

Maggie who always sat next to her, smiled up and innocently asked, "Steffi you fogoted you baseball cap. You wants me go gets it? I can gets it weal fast."

Steffi sighed. "No Maggie, I'm not wearin it today. The strap is broke and I gotta get it fixed."

A few sisterly giggles sneaked out from Steffi's siblings but she soon quieted those with a stern look around the table. Maggie and Baruchah though were oblivious to such subtlties, and curiosity got the better of the pair of kittens.

Baruchah, sitting on the other side of Steffi, tugged on her big sister's shirt. "Steffi how comes you all dwessed up? Is you goin to synagogue todays?"

Shelly had stopped pressuring Steffi into wearing dresses for services several months ago and instead allowed her to wear her best jeans and shirt instead.

Steffi dropped her head and sighed again. Forcing a strained smile she answered Baruchah. "No Baru, I'm not going to synagogue. I don't have any clean school clothes today cause it was Elsa's turn to do laundry last night and now I have to wear this."

Elsa's eyes flashed as she locked them on her little sister. "That's not true Steffi! I did all the laundry last night."

Steffi matched her sister's intensity. "Oh yeah, well you didn't get mine then."

Shelly intervened before it got out of hand any further with a simple but effective, "That'll be enough girls," and then commented on how nice Steffi looked, regardless of why she was dressed or what the laundry situation was.

Steffi smiled thinly, grumbled, "Thanks mom", and then went back to mixing her corn flakes with milk.

That probably would have settled it for the morning had it not been for the twin toddlers again. Maggie begin sniffing the air and then leaned over toward Steffi and sniffed her shirt. Looking up at her big sister, she commented with a puzzled look on her face, "Hey Steffi you gots stinks purdy on yous. You smells just like mommy now. Is you gonna bees a mommy?"

Steffi dropped her spoon in her cereal and glared down at Maggie. "No Maggie...I just grabbed the wrong shower gel this morning. Alright? Now eat your cereal and give me a break squirt."

Maggie nodded and then retreated, but Baruchah moved in from the left flank. "Steffi...you gots baseball game dis mornin?"

Steffi closed her eyes, took a breath to gather patience and then turned to Baruchah. "No Baruchah, I don't have a baseball game this morning."

Baruchah smiled innocently and then added, "Ohtay".

Quiet lasted for but a few more seconds before the little one was at it again, "Steffi if you no gots games, how comes you gots eyes stuffs on yous?"

That remark drew everyones attention to Steffi's face and now under closer inspection, it was obvious there was hints of mascara, shadow and blush, left over from this mornings scrubbing.

Kay stared wide-eyed at Steffi. "I can't believe it Steff. You wore make up!"

The giggles started again and Steffi's face got beat red. Shelly started to intervene and then Maggie finished her big sister off.

Smiling proudly and not realizing what she was letting loose she quickly added. "Hers did wores make up and i saws her toos. I seened her thu da keys holes in da door."

She then turned her smile to Steffi and added. "And I saws you wearin a dwess too and you looked just likes a weal pwincess and you was dancin and smilin all happys and goin, Shaun Shaun Shaun, and makin kisses too."

Steffi shoved herself back from the table. Her face flushed with anger and embarrassment as she fired her first shot directly at the closest target. "I can't have any privacy around here! I am sick and tired of you little rugrats following me around and getting into my business. From now on stay out of my room, my games and just LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Steffi then broke into tears, grabbed her book bag and bolted from the room. Ally got up to go after her but Shelly stopped her daughter and told her to let her go for now. Steffi would talk when she was ready and until then everyone was to give her a wide berth.

Maggie just sat there in shock for a few moments. Finally tears began to well in her eyes and she cried, "Steffi no loves me.". Tears turned to sobs almost immediately and soon Baruchah joined her as well. Shelly collected them both and held them in her lap, rocking away their tears and eventually calming the pair. She assured them that Steffi still loved them very much and really wasn’t mad with them. She did however tell them that big girls don't go round peeking through keyholes and they were never to do that again. They promised solemnly and then smiled big as they hugged on momma. Shelly held her twin toddlers close and wished she could solve Steffi's problem with a snuggle.

Shelly got her girls off to school and daycare and then wondered what she was going to do when Steffi came home, or more accurately what would Steffi let her do. Maggie and Baruchah had innocently managed to embarrass her in front of her sisters and her mother. Her pride now obviously wounded, Shelly was afraid Steffi might retreat even deeper.

Shelly poured herself a cup of tea, and rang fingers through her long multi-colored locks. At least now this last month finally made perfect sense. Mother nature, in the form of a boy named Shaun, had finally caught up with Steffi. Somewhere between the baseball games and blue jeans, her little girl was finally growing into a young woman, and because she had been such the tomboy, the transition had to be even more painful and scary.

Shelly wiped away a stray tear as her heart ached for her little girl. Steffi like all the other girls Shelly had rescued, had already had too much pain in their lives. Growing up is a painful learning experience, and a necessary one, but having sisters and a mother to teach and support a young girl is what helps her through it. Shelly could only wonder now after this morning’s scene if her daughter would give her family a chance to help.

Shelly would get her answer ten minutes later, when she heard the front door open. When the young mother came out of the kitchen to investigate, she was greeted by a very sheepish Steffi who stood in the living room clutching her books to her chest and sniffling. Shelly smiled at her daughter and opened arms to her. Steffi dropped her books and ran to them. Momma pulled her baby in and the young girl finally let loose with some much needed sobs. Shelly knew hugs were more needed than words at this moment and just quietly stroked her girl's hair as she cried herself out.

Steffi finally calmed down enough to talk, so Shelly directed her over to the couch and let her begin. She apologized for not going to school today, but she just couldn't face anyone after this morning. She also said she was sorry for hollering at Elsa, and especially at Maggie and Baruchah. Shelly told her she would get her chance to apologize and all would be forgiven. She also told her she wouldn’t be punished for missing school today, although she would have to make up her work.

Steffi smiled lovingly at her mother and thanked her before shifting around nervously again. Shelly hugged her tightly and told her she didn’t have to talk about anything she didn’t want to, just as long as she knew she could always talk her momma about anything she did want to.

Steffi sighed and then blushed. "I kinda like a boy Momma. His name is ummm...Shaun, but i guess you know that now,huh?"

Shelly nodded and smiled giving her daughter silent encouragement. "Momma I wasn't even trying to like him. I been playing baseball with him on the same team for months now and never even thought about stuff like that and then.....and then....all the sudden a few weeks ago, he was talking to me about our last game and telling me what a cannon I got at shortstop ya know, and then he like smiled at me real big and umm...umm... all the sudden I kinda gotted hot in the face and my stomach kinda gotted sick and i guess that's when I caught it or something."

Shelly raised an eyebrow at her little one. "Caught it?"

Steffi slumped and nodded. "Yeah, you know, the Barbie Blues. I keep thinking about him all the time and how cool his smile is and how purdy his eyes are and...and...now whenever we practice or play ball together, I can’t seem to concentrate and all I do is mess up. You know....the Barbie Blues!"

Shelly nodded. Her little one was suffering from a bad case of first love.

Steffi sighed, defeat evident in her voice. "Momma...I ummm...kinda wish he sorta couldn’t concentrate around me too. Ya know?"

Once again Shelly nodded.

"Momma", Steffi asked, "I kinda saw the other girls that Shaun talks to after games and they are all purdy and stuffs like Ally and Elsa and well....I just can't do all that stuff. You know....the make up and the dresses. I umm...sorta been practicing and stuffs in my room but I just cant do it right. If I come down those stairs all made up and in a dress everyone would laugh and Shaun would think I am the total goof."

Shelly hugged Steffi, her heart aching with both her pain and her daughters. "Steffi...Ally and Elsa have been working on makeup and clothes long before I was able to bring us together as a family. It took them quite a while to be that good but I am sure if you'd let them, they'd be more than glad to help you learn."

Steffi rolled her eyes. "I don't think Elsa's gonna want to."

Shelly smiled and shook her head. "Quit worrying about what happened this morning. Elsa loves you and so do the rest of your sisters. Twelve women in the same house are not going to get along all the time. I can only imagine what its going to be like when a few more of your younger sisters start having their monthlys. Oye vay! But....the point is honey....just because we snip at each other doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. This is what REAL families do Steffi. We're going to fight from time to time, but we'll always be there for each other when we need it most. Trust me Steff, your sisters will help you with this if you want it, and if you dont think its too wierd, so will your "goofy" momma too."

Steffi hugged her "goofy momma" tightly and kissed her. "I love you Momma."

Shelly pulled her baby in close and returned the kiss and the sentiment. "I love you too baby."

Steffi sat quietly for a few moments and then sighed. "Momma?...If I start wearin maybe a little bit of make up now and then and umm...maybe some kinda more...well you know... more girl like clothes and maybe even dresses now and then am I gonna kinda go totally Barbie eventually? Cause I like sports ya know and i like my jeans and I don’t want to read fashion magazines and I still want go to ball games and I still want a motorcycle. I mean...I really like Shaun a lot but I don't have to become a cheerleader now or something do I?"

Shelly could see the fear in her daughter's eyes. It was more than just worrying about learning to dress and do make up. It was more than just dealing with her first crush. She was genuinely afraid if she gave into these new feelings, she was going to lose herself. Shelly set out to set Steffi straight.

"Steff honey, first of all...you don't have to change the way you dress, or quit playing sports unless YOU want too. You can have all those things you said you wanted, EXCEPT for the motorcycle and we've been there and done that already. I don't think you will ever go "totally Barbie" either, okay?" You're a young woman now. That means you can steal bases at the afternoon ball game, and steal boys’ hearts at the school dance that night. You can wear jeans and ball caps, blouses and skirts. You can have baseball cleats and four inch heels. Honey what I am trying to tell you is you don’t have to give up anything or BE anything that doesn't feel right. And the same thing applies to Shaun. If you want him to like you, then you need to be YOU, and a cheerleader you aint. Be that fiery little shortstop with a cannon as he called it, but...there's also no harm in maybe showing him the YOU that lies beneath all that sandlot dust and can almost fill out one of her mother's dress."

Shelly emphasized her last point by glancing down at Steffi's breasts that at 13, were nearly the same sized as her own. Steffi blushed and then laughed. "Mom!!!! I'm so sure."

Shelly looked at her own small breasts and giggled. "Yeah...I'm sure too. You're almost bigger than me."

That both hugged and cuddled and laughed then. Both Shelly and Steffi were relieved. Steffi, because she realized that growing up wasn't going to result in becoming a Stepford Wife. It was just another part of life. She wasn't going to lose herself or the things that really mattered to her. On the contrary, she was only going to gain.

And Shelly, because she knew her baby was going to be alright now, or at least until the next teen crisis approached.

The two spent the rest of the morning with Shelly giving Steffi a few make up lessons, and even a short trip thru the mall. Steffi held her mother's hand for security the same as her younger sister's did. She was unsure and reluctant at first but then she saw it, a beautiful off the shoulders mid-length powder blue dress. Shelly saw the "look" in her daughter's eyes and knew she was hooked. Actually it was an excellent choice, as the light blue brought out Steffi's sapphire blue eyes and her honey blonde locks. Shelly had Steffi and the dress in the changing room before the girl had a chance to protest. It was a little big in the bum and breast, but Shelly could take it in, or just let Mother Nature continue to work her magic on Steffi and should be able to fill it out nicely by summer's end. A quick stop for shoes and a few swipes of plastic later, Steffi had an outfit that would have Shaun the slugging first baseman hitting homeruns in Steffi's honor.

They returned home shortly after noon and Steffi went out back and tossed her baseball against the screen for awhile while Shelly started tonight’s dinner and then fixed lunch for both her and Steffi. It was then she noticed her daughter sitting on the swing and looking so somber. Sighing, she wondered what else could have her down again so quickly.

She quietly made her way across the yard and slipped into the swing next to her daughter. "Hey Lil Sport. What's gotta ya down? You're not having second thoughts on that dress are you? We can take it back if you want, but I think you looked wonderful in it."

Steffi shook her head. "No Momma. I really do like the dress. I'm just kinda thinkin bout something else."

Shelly resisted the urge to just take the image from her daughters mind. She did want to help but only if Steffi wanted to share, so she didn't use magic and she didn't push, she just waited. Steffi finally came to her with it on her own.

"Momma, I was really pretty rotten to Mags and Baru. I mean I was all upset and stuff and then when they like blurted everything out and stuff I just kinda....well you know...kinda went like spazz. I know they didn’t mean to spy and stuff. I guess they're just bein umm...umm...

" Little sisters?", Shelly finished her daughter's words for her.

She shook her head and then smiled softly. "Yeah Mom. I mean they really are little sisters to me aint they? You know...I mean real little girls. It's like when I look over in the stands and they are up there going crazy shaking pom poms, or when I help you get them into the bath tub, or when I see them sound asleep on the floor with crayons still in their hands, its hard to imagine they were ever boys, let alone adults."

Shelly nodded. After six months of having her babies home it was hard for her to imagine them as being anything else other than the children they were now. Reaching over, she squeezed Steffi's hand. "Steffi, in all the ways that really matters, they never were boys or adults. It's your heart and soul that carries the truth. The bodies was a prison, the life they had to live a necessary lie. You're were no different, just older, same as it is now and always will be."

Steffi nodded her understanding and then stared off across the yard. "Mom, they are pretty good little sisters you know, I mean for being rugrats and all. I really do feel like a royal rat for hollerin at them like that. I kinda wanna do something to make it up to them but I don't know what."

Shelly cupped her chin in her hand and thought. Her hazel eyes lit up when an idea came to her. "Hey, I know! Why not take them to a ball game. You know...a major league game. I know you promised them both a trip to the Vet to see the Phillies or the Eagles play. I bet they would be tickled to no end."

Steffi frowned sadly and shook her head. "Momma, I would give anything to be able to take them to the Vet and buy them their first hot dog and watch a real Philly or Eagle game, but they tore down Veteran's Stadium years ago. Now I'll never get the chance to share that place with them."

Being the mother of twelve hadnt left Shelly much time to stay abreast of sports and she hadn’t heard about them tearing down the Vet. As a mother, she could only suggest an alternative, but as a witch, she didn’t have too. Looking around the next yard to be sure she wasn’t noticed, she winked an eye and suddenly three tickets appeared in her hand. She smiled as she handed them to Steffi. "Now look kiddo, you know I don't do this often, but...I think the Boss will let me indulge considering the rough time you've had of it lately and how important this it. Now...these are three tickets to see a ball game at the Vet. You get to pick the sport and the date. You can take them to see Mike Schmidt hit three homeruns, or a classic Eagles-Giants match up. The choice is yours little one but you know the rules about time traveling. You are not allowed to change anything. Just watch. Understood?"

Steffi jumped off her swing and into her mothers arms sending them both falling to the ground, and ending up in a pile of giggles. Steffi hugged her mother tightly and kissed her. "I understand momma, I won't mess anything up I promise. I just can't wait for Maggie and Baruchah to get home. I just hope they'll forgive me and want to go."

Shelly pulled her daughter into the grassy cuddle. "Honey...I already told you. We're a family and we love each other. Those two little girls adore you. Trust me, they've forgiven and forgotten by the time they got to daycare, but...I still think the three of you could use this time together. And that reminds me....I better be sure you have money. Even at 1970's price those two can break you on hotdogs alone."

Steffi laughed and nodded as she imagined the toddler twins loose at the concession and gift stand. Finally getting to her feet, she helped her Shelly up and then put her arm around her momma and snuggled. "Momma I love you."

Shelly held her tight. "I love you too sweetheart."

Shelly sighed happily. Two potential disasters averted in one day, and it wasn’t even two o'clock yet. "All in the day of a mother. Ohy vay!"

The End

Ally in Wonderland

by Maggie O'Malley

This is a stand alone story, but we recommend that you read "Baruchah and Maggie's Magic Closet" first. (click on the title)

This story is dedicated to my big sister Ally. From the moment she came into my life she has did nothing but love, teach, share and hold me when I needed it most. She's lovingly brushed my hair, patiently listened to my endless chattering, forgiven me for more "accidents" than any five-year-old should have, taken my hand and shown me worlds I never knew existed; and when the scaries chased me into her bed, she held me close and chased them all away. With all my heart, I wish I could give her everything she really needs, and more than she could ever want. I wish so much I could right all the wrongs she's endured in this life. Sadly, five-year-old witches wield crayons far better than magic wands, so all I can do is color this picture for her and hope it brings her joy.

To you, Ally, the best big sister a little sister could ever ask for. I love you.

Maggie

Ps. Special thanks to the brave souls who proof my stories. They patiently and persistently go through red pen after red pen desperately trying to translate my crayon scrawls into the English language. Bless you!

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A young woman stood at the edge of an abyss. She cut quite an image in the rugged setting. Her beautiful auburn locks had been swept into an
updo and with the elegant gown that adorned her slender figure, she was a Cinderella more dressed for the ball than a nature hike. Yet it was obvious this princess was in great distress as she trembled from the sobs that wracked her body. Her small hand held onto a rock outcropping that jutted out over the great void. Like her, it seemed to hang precariously on the edge. Bits of dirt and tiny rocks tumbled into the darkness below, as feet and toes, bare since they'd shed their glass slippers some time ago, wiggled nervously to find footing. Tears mixed with mascara and makeup fell from her cheeks as she gazed downward; like the dirt and rocks at her feet, they too disappeared into the depression below.

Ally was no stranger to this place. It had been her sanctuary since the day the "little rock hound" had stumbled upon it searching for shiny stones. She had been but a child then, although some would argue that at eighteen, she was hardly removed from childhood now. Many times she had came to this place. Usually it was to think, to plan, to dream, to allow herself tears she could never cry in the outside world, and quite often to find comfort from her pain in a place she felt brought her closer to the Goddess. Normally she would leave here refreshed, and ready once again to take on a life that seemed to have been stacked against her at birth.

This was not the first time she had stood at the edge of the abyss and watched pebbles disappear into the seemingly bottomless void, but it was the first time she was truly prepared to join them. At that moment she was feeling many emotions: frustration, despair, anger, hopelessness, love, regret, but not fear. No, despite the fact she was but inches away from certain death, she held no fear. Death was disguised as a blessed release now. Fear was for the living.

Her chest heaved as anger ran from her heart to her hand. Slowly her fingers clenched together and the anger became a shaking fist hammering her hip. She had every right to be angry, and many targets for her anger. Few would begrudge her cursing the Goddess for giving her such a tremendous cross to bear and denying her many of the things her sisters were given as birthrights.

The anger pounding at her side could easily be directed toward parents that weren't fit to have children. Her mother was a heartless woman, who had birthed her child and then deserted it. Her father was a bitter man who blamed Ally for his wife's departure, and as a result, took out those frustrations in mental and physical abuse on his own child. Growing up, she had been chastised, teased, and tortured by the other children who sensed she was different and then set out to punish her for it.

Yes, she could justly throw stones at the world and the heavens, but as she stood on the brink of self-destruction, it was herself she was angrily chastising.

The sobs eventually downgraded to a soft cry and the words flowed to match the tears, "What were you thinking? How could you have been so bloody stupid? Did you really think you could get away with it? You know you can't love him. You can't love ANYONE and you sure as hell can't let ANYONE love you, least of all, Andy."

Her features softened as she spoke his name. It hung on her lips like a slow kiss that left her breathless and wanting more.

"Andy ... my sweet, beautiful Andy ... I can't love you ... but oh Goddess I do, and I have from the moment I laid eyes on you."

Ally's voice trailed off as her mind drifted back to the night when it all began. She was center stage again, and thunderous applause filled the theatre. The play had been a smashing success that night and Ally had performed her role as the young transsexual perfectly. Of course, how could she not? You might say it was a role that she'd spent her entire life preparing for. Yes, as incredible as it may seem, the vision of loveliness graciously accepting the audience approval was genetically a male. At a slender but shapely 5'6, the auburn-haired beauty had the body of a teen goddess and the voice of a songbird.

Save for one physical blemish, the offensive male appendage now tucked neatly away, Ally appeared to be the same as any other lovely young woman. On the inside, there was no such blemish to separate her from her genetic sisters. Her mind, her heart, her soul, her wants and dreams mirrored those of most any young girl, and like any young girl she dreamed of the day her handsome prince, her soul mate, would come for her. She had no idea where, when or even if she would find him. She feared that perhaps the same curse that would deny her the feeling of carrying a child within her, might also deny her the feeling of being held in the arms of her true love.

Her wondering and her fears would both be put to rest that night as from the shadows off stage a young man stepped into view. When Ally saw him, she knew this was the one, her handsome prince, her eternal soul mate, and his name was Andy.

The 6'5, blond haired, broad shouldered Yank swept Ally away the first time he locked his baby blues on her. She stood utterly breathless as he walked on stage in accordance with tradition to present her with a rose for her inspiring performance, but there was no play acting by either of them when he pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately. Their scene upstaged the magic that had been created there earlier that night, and brought rave reviews from those still in attendance.

Ally had never recovered from that kiss, and never really wanted to. She had nearly needed to be dragged off stage by her fellow performers, as she was unable to leave Andy of her own accord. While the others in the dressing room were buzzing about the night's performance, Ally sat at her makeup mirror, staring intently at the rose, still lost in the kiss and in the man who had given her both. Once she finally emerged, she found her handsome prince leaning by her door, waiting for her with a smile. Her eyes met his and he offered his arm. She returned his smile and took it willingly.

From the theater they walked and chatted for hours, sharing coffee and life stories. The air off the water made for a cool night, but Ally never took chill as Andy's arm pulled her close and she snuggled warm against him. It was nearly dawn before he left Ally with a last kiss. She wouldn't let him walk her to the door, and after hearing about her father, he understood why, but he promised to be there the next night with a rose and a kiss. Ally promised to be waiting, and both were as good as their word for the run of the show.

The show finally ended its run, but the couple’s fairy tale production was just beginning, and for the next few months they were nearly inseparable. Anyone seeing the two of them walking hand in hand past the discos, sipping coffees at a club, or snuggled together in the park, would think them to be just any young couple in love. And in every way that truly defines love, they shared it.

Ally's days were filled with the anticipation of seeing Andy, her evenings were spent trying to fill herself with him, and then, when night threatened to chase the dawn away, she went to her bed alone and dreamed he joined her there. When she woke, she wanted to ring him immediately just to be sure he was a dream come true and not just a dream.

He was just too good to be true. Young, handsome, VERY handsome, a genuine California beach boy! He was gentle, funny, and rather well to do. From what Andy had told Ally, his parents had moved from San Francisco several years ago to oversee the operation of their European holdings. Andy for the most part, downplayed his wealth and social standing and to Ally it didn't matter whether or not he had two schillings to rub together. The love they shared was riches beyond wealth.

What truly amazed Ally the most about Andy was how loving he was, loving of HER! He was a young man who could have any girl in England fall at his feet, and yet with a world of women to choose from, he'd picked a poor Devonshire Dumpling in need of a plumbing refit. Andy could see the disbelief in her eyes each night he met her, so he would greet her with a kiss that left no doubt in Ally's soul he wanted her, all of her, just as much as she wanted him. His love for her buoyed her own confidence in being a woman, and helped her deal with the abuse her father routinely laid on her, not to mention what she took from the boys who liked to play, "Catch and Beat the Poof" as she tried to survive her daily back and forth from college.

For months she had been walking on clouds, but then it all threatened to come crashing down around her heels as Andy finally popped the question. Marriage? No, but nearly as scary for Ally, Andy asked her to meet his parents. He'd been hinting about it for some time but hadn't pushed Ally as he could sense her fear. He'd told her he wouldn't pressure her, but it was obvious his parents were beginning to pressure him. Naturally they were becoming quite curious about this mysterious young girl that had stolen their son's heart. They literally demanded to meet her. They couldn't be put off much longer, and in all honestly Andy was eager for them to see the girl who owned his heart.

Andy had been searching for a perfect opportunity to present his love and he was sure he had found it. His parents were hosting one of those posh garden party affairs. There would be a lot of people there, but Ally was used to performing in front of large crowds. Andy thought it would be far better for her to make a brief appearance with him among the many guests, than for the four of them to spend an entire evening staring uneasily at each other. He also couldn't imagine a better entrance for Ally than to be in fancy dress, on his arm, and outshining the beauty of his mother's prize roses. He was sure her physical beauty would mesmerize all in attendance and that with her warmth, charm, intelligence and the rest of her inner beauty, would capture his parent's hearts as she had his own. He was sure that having gained their initial approval, they would learn to understand and accept the rest given time.

Andy was confident, but Ally was less so, and had tried to protest but those blue eyes, that smile, and his promise that he would never leave her side, had her laughing and saying yes by the nights end.

The next morning she went straight away to see her best friend Elsa. Elsa was "gender-challenged" just as Ally. The birth defect they shared had made them kindred spirits. The deep friendship they shared since primary school made them like sisters. When Ally told Elsa the news, both girls shed happy tears and then quickly dried them as a shopping trip was clearly in order. With Elsa at her side, Ally spent most of the day browsing through thrift stores for a second hand gown, occasionally having a weak moment and muttering, "How on earth did I let him talk me into this? I must be out of my mind!"

Elsa hugged her best friend and laughed as she teased her, "You'll get no argument from me on that one love. I've always thought you a bit daft anyway, but if you're going to go crazy, it might as well be that you're in love and with someone like your Andy. Goddess, he's brilliant!"

Ally blushed, giggled, and then prodded her friend to keep looking through the racks in hopes of finding the perfect gown, for the not quite perfect princess. The party was three weeks away, yet with saving, shopping, borrowing and seamstress work Ally knew it was still going to be cutting it close. Andy had offered to buy her a gown, but her pride would have none of it. This was something she had to do for herself, and for Andy.

Fortunately for Ally, Elsa not only helped her find the gown and do the seamstress work, she also let Ally spend the night at her flat, so she could help her with final preparations, and most importantly, so Andy could come call for her there. Ally couldn't very well have Andy call for her at her house.

Not that her father would really notice his "son" descending the stairs in a ball gown. He rarely paid any attention to Ally save for slinging his fists or his bitter verbal abuse at her.

No, it was because she didn't want Andy exposed to it should her father decide to start a row. Ally knew Andy wouldn't stand for that, and like the handsome prince he was, he would defend her honor. So, rather than miss the party because she had to either bury her father, or wait for Andy to get out of jail, she gladly accepted Elsa's gracious offer.

With Elsa's help her gown was ready by the day of the party. Finally, a full two hours before Andy was to arrive, she was as ready as she would ever be. Ally had changed her hairstyle a half dozen times before finally settling on a more formal updo to compliment the gown and occasion. The 'Elsa/Ally original' gown was form fitting and featured curves no boy's body was ever meant to have. Along with her hair and makeup, it made her look every bit a confident twenty-year-old and less like the frightened teen she truly was.

Ally had performed on stage a number of times and before some fair-sized crowds, but this command performance had her shaking as no stage fright she had ever known. There was far more at stake then favorable reviews in the school paper. Purely and simply, her future with Andy was at stake. She knew this had to go well. She couldn't live with failure because it would mean living without Andy.

She had paced the floor, nearly wearing out the thinning carpet in Elsa's flat when the buzzer went off, alerting her to Andy's presence. Elsa played mother hen, and shooed her sister off to the bedroom before greeting Andy. Ally stood at the door listening to Elsa and Andy exchanging pleasantries as she uttered a quick prayer for the Goddess's intervention in making this fairy tale come true.

When Elsa knocked and opened it slowly, Ally stepped out, but could not look up to meet Andy's eyes at first. This was the best she could be and she was afraid it still wasn't enough. Andy quickly crossed the distance between them. Taking one of her hands in his, he used his other to gently raise her chin and lift her gaze to meet his. Ally's frightened eyes were met with sparkling blue ones filled with overwhelming love, compassion, and deep respect for the woman who held his heart. A reassuring smile crept across his face and he squeezed her hand gently. Ally's lip quivered and she wanted to say something, anything, but she couldn't.

All she could do was look up at this smartly dressed, gentle, loving prince and think one thought. "Oh Goddess, he is the most beautiful man in the whole world, and he wants me. He wants me!"

Andy's admiring words broke the silence, "Oh Ally, I think ... no, I am sure ... you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I love you so."

Somehow Ally managed to squeak out an, "I love you too," before tears threatened to undo Elsa's makeup magic.

Andy, seeing tears welling in his love's eyes, knew nothing else to do but use his own magic to quell them and pulled the princess into his arms for a kiss. Ally found herself literally floating on air, as both her feet were nearly a foot off the ground, and her toes were curling inside her fancy slippers. Reluctantly, he set her down, pleased to see her beautiful smile once again gracing her full lips. Then he presented her with a corsage and offered her his arm. She took it greedily and held on to it tightly. Elsa ran up and gave Ally a quick hug, then fixed the lipstick that had been slightly damaged by the prince.

The warm glow on Ally's face told Elsa that the kiss had been well worth the smudge. She teased "Cinderella" that the magic would end at midnight, after which she would turn back into an English pumpkin.

Andy laughed as Ally stuck her tongue out at Elsa in a very unprincess like fashion before Andy ushered his little pumpkin out the door and into his car. Elsa didn't know at the time just how soon midnight would come for Cinderella, or how Ally's fate could be far worse than her carriage being turned back into a pumpkin or losing a glass slipper.

Andy's parents had considerable wealth, but in a land known for its tradition and breeding, money alone is not admittance to high society. Andy's parents had overcome their biggest handicap. They were dreaded Yanks, Californians, no less, but they had fit in well to the social circles and were considered adopted Brits by most all those who knew them.

Ally's eyes went wide as Andy downshifted his car when they passed through the imposing black iron gates to his parent's estate. As the mansion came into view, Ally knew she was way out of her element. While she had been lead actress in a school play, this ... this was the starring role in a Broadway production. Her fear and doubts became stronger as they pulled up and a smartly dressed man waited to park Andy's car for him. Andy threw him the keys as he went round to Ally's side, opened the door and took her gloved hand, gently lifted her out and she took her place by his side.

Seeing and sensing her heart pounding in her chest, he whispered softly in ear, "It's going to be alright, my love. I promise, I won't leave your side."

Ally smiled weakly and squeezed his arm a bit tighter. His words and his closeness calmed her a bit. Taking a deep breath she prepared herself for her audience with the "King and Queen.” Andy led her past the house to the impressive gardens behind it. The scene was breathtaking. Flowers, trees, sculptured hedges and a beautiful fountain were the setting for this afternoon's event. Ally's pulse quickened as she saw a large contingent was already in attendance, and that she was only moments away from mingling with some of Britain's bluest blood, not to mention Andy's parents. She was Audrey Hepburn playing a transgendered Eliza Doolittle on the arm of a young and dashing San Francisco style Sir Henry Higgins.

Andy pulled her closer, and winked as he whispered, "Shall we?"

It was more of an announcement than a request as he quickly ushered his love into the breach. Ally passed through the crowd with a frozen smile on her face, and a death grip on Andy's arm as she briefly chatted with dukes, duchesses, and some of England's most influential people. She half expected the Queen Mum to make an appearance before it was all over. At least she did meet one other guest there who looked as frightened and lost as she did, a young blonde girl who appeared to be slightly younger than Ally chatted her up over her dress and contemporary music. She even winked at Ally and whispered in her ear that Andy was a real keeper and that they made a lovely couple. Ally took an immediate liking to her new friend, but was whisked away by Andy, just barely getting to say goodbye.

It took Andy about thirty minutes to work himself and Ally through the crowd and over to his parents, or as Ally thought of them, "the Royal Family.” As soon as Ally laid eyes on Andy's father, it was obvious the apple hadn't fallen far from the tree. He was heavier and older, but still a tall and handsome king. He grinned at Andy, and Ally saw where her love had gotten that impossibly charming smile.

Andy's mother was at her husband's side, like any good queen, chatting with another woman when Andy's father directed her attention toward their son and the girl who had to be the mysterious Ally. Andy's mother was slender and about Ally's height. Her coloring still carried remnants of being a California sun goddess, as did her blonde hair. When she turned to meet the approaching pair, Ally found Andy's blue eyes in her. They were slightly more rounded and framed in longer lashes, but were still that unbelievably beautiful blue.

Ally's gloved hand trembled slightly as she extended it to meet Andy's parents. Andy's father smiled at her and took it gently. Like his son, he had the magic touch and immediately her hand went still. She turned to the queen and smiled nervously at her.

Andy's mother smiled back warmly and then pleasantly surprised Ally by very unceremoniously hugging her tightly and whispering into her ear, "Relax Allyson, this is not the Spanish Inquisition, dear. We just wanted to meet you."

Ally pulled back with a much-relieved smile on her face and Andy's mother nodded her approval. The foursome chatted a bit, both of Andy's parents commenting on Ally's lovely gown, compliments she accepted graciously. The conversation was light and somewhat easy for Ally. Neither parent pushed her for personal details and for that she was grateful, but she did try to give them something, picking and choosing selective truths, rather than telling any out and out lies.

Andy's mother could see the young girl was still nervous and a bit overwhelmed and sought to calm her as best she could.

"Andy?" she asked. "Have you given Allyson a tour of the house and grounds?"

Andy shook his head, and his mother smiled. Motioning Ally over to her side, she smiled and whispered, "If you can just bear with us until this 'Dog and Pony show' is over, I'd love to take you on a tour of the house and grounds. It'll give us a chance to talk, and you look like you need to talk, dear. So please, don't let Andy whisk you away until after all the stuffed shirts leave, which should be shortly after they've exhausted our champagne and caviar."

Ally giggled as she pulled back from the older woman. She really liked her. She had Andy's gentle demeanor and natural charm. Her lighthearted humor brought a smile to Ally's lips and the young girl couldn't help but feel drawn to her. Yet her invitation for a tour and a talk had Ally fighting to keep herself from trembling. Once alone, the protective mother could rip her to pieces, asking Ally questions she didn't have honest answers for and then size her up as gold-digging tart, whose love for her son was only as large as the boy's inheritance. Even worse, it could very well be she'd unmask the faux princess at first sight and would call the local constable to have her carted away for the various laws she must be breaking.

Yet, she couldn't fear this woman or her invitation. She instinctively knew she could trust her, maybe even enough to trust her with the ultimate truth. She would just have to wait and see how it all unfolded.

Ally nodded and offered softly. "I would love to ma'am."

Andy's mother smiled lovingly, and pulled Ally back to her for one last bit of girl talk, "Now, I suggest you get Andy over to the buffet table, or better yet, onto the dance floor, because if you stay here much longer my husband is going to ask you to dance. Don't get me wrong, he's a wonderful man, but Fred Astaire he's not, and I have the aching toes to prove it."

Ally and Andy's mother giggled, which earned her puzzled looks from Andy and his father. Shrugging their shoulders, they attributed it to girl talk, and discretion being the better part of valor, wisely decided to not ask what they probably didn't want to know about. Andy's mother then shooed the two kids off toward the buffet table, tempting Ally to, at the very least, try the desserts. She promised they were positively decadent.

Ally nodded and then with Andy's gently arm directing her, was spirited away from the king and queen. Andy nuzzled her neck as he drank in the heady aroma of her perfumed hair.

Gently he whispered, "Ally you were super! I could see how much Mom liked you, and Dad even commented on how nice you were. See my love, we're almost home."

Ally smiled and sighed. "Maybe, Andy, but it's not midnight yet."

Andy squeezed her tightly as he led her over to the buffet tables, which were plentifully covered with delicacies from around the world, but Ally's stomach balked at the thought of food. However, Andy was insistent she at least try something, before finally talking her into a tiny slice of Heaven called, “Death by Chocolate, Mass Extinction.” Ally knew immediately that this had to be the decadence that Andy's mother had spoken of. She made a mental note to ask her for that recipe before refusing anything else save for a sip of tea.

The band was playing a soft tune. It was a bit old style for a pair of teenagers, but nonetheless, alluring. Andy could see the want in his love's eyes, and taking her hand he bowed gallantly before her asking for this dance.

Giggling, Ally blushed, and then in the spirit of moment, curtsied gracefully and extended her hand toward Andy adding, "I would be honored, my lord."

His blue eyes smiled at her and she felt herself melting into his arms even before they'd stepped onto the dance floor. Sadly, this dance wasn't to be theirs, as Andy's father came up and laid a hand on his son's shoulder.

Smiling at Ally he begged forgiveness for this intrusion, "Ally please forgive me for interrupting, but if you will allow me, I need to steal Andy away from you for a moment. I promise I will have him back to you shortly."

Ally really didn't want Andy to leave her, and he could see that in her eyes. He offered to stay, remembering his promise to her, but she quickly sent him off with his father, insisting she would be fine. Andy gave her a light peck on the cheek and then disappeared into the crowd. Suddenly Ally felt almost naked. Without Andy there to hold her up, she suddenly felt like a boy in a fancy frock, with his willy showing.

She felt as though every eye was on her, and in reality most had been, but not for the reason her fear was telling her. She was every bit the beautiful young princess in their eyes, and the attention she was drawing was for her beauty and not any exposed boyhood. Had Andy been there he could have reassured her, but when he left, he took her confidence with him and she could feel the anxiety growing.

She could also feel the pressure in her bladder begin to grow as well. The ladies room became an immediate necessity and perhaps once there, it could also be a safe haven. She could hide out there, repair any damage to her make up and then return. Perhaps she could even find the young girl she'd met earlier and they could go together. Hopefully, by the time she returned, Andy would be waiting for her at the dance floor and all would be well once again. Feeling a bit more confident she went in search of her friend and the facilities.

Realizing whether or not she found her friend, she was definitely going to need to find the ladies room, she decided to ask one of the staff working the party for directions. She tapped the shoulder of a young gent carrying a tray of champagne, and when he turned, she took a horrid fright. She knew this boy and by the look of surprise, and then the wicked smirk that crept across his face, he recognized her as well.

Ally's heart nearly leapt from her chest, and her first instinct was to run. She had good reason to run. This was Tom, the leader of a gang of schoolboys who had routinely chased her to and from school. He and the angry lot he ran with didn't much care for a "girly-boy" like Ally, and they'd left her with bruises the few times they'd caught her. Had they caught her at night, they might have left her in an alley for dead.

Ally shook as he looked her up and down and sneered wickedly. She could barely believe that Tom would ever work to make an honest pound, let alone get one working such a class affair. She also knew he rarely did anything without the rest of his pack members, so she was relatively sure the other two musketeers were here as well. Perhaps she'd been so caught up in playing princess she hadn't noticed them, but she was noticing now, and noticing the familiar hate held in this boy's eyes.

Setting the tray down Tom looked her up and down. "Well, well, well, look what we gots 'ere. Playin' dress up again are you? Tryin' to take some chap for his money 'eh, and what a right nice place to do it, too. I've already nicked three wallets me self."

‘So much for Tom trying to make an honest living,’ she thought. She knew he had to be up to no good and she wanted no part of it. Ally shook her head and tried to back away, but he grabbed her arm tightly.

"No needs to run off "Cinder-Fella."

Tom increased the pressure on her arm, making sure Ally wasn't going anywhere and then kept his voice low as he continued, "Listen you sick li'l bugger, you and I got business and this is the way it's gonna go, or so 'elp me I'll yank that bloody frock off you and show the lot of 'em what you're really made of. You understand me 'girly-boy'?"

Ally nodded, her eyes searched the crowd, begging to find Andy returning, but her prince was nowhere in sight. Her captor turned up the pressure, nearly bringing Ally to her knees.

"Now look ... I've got these fat wallets and watches but I can't get 'em out of 'ere. Lucy, you know good ol' Lucy? Well she was gonna be me mule and pack our take out of 'ere, but the silly bitch got scared and ran out on me. I'll deal with 'er later but for now you're gonna take 'er place an 'elp your ol' friend Tom out."

Tom was no "ol' friend" and she had no intention of being a part of anything that could hurt Andy or his parents.

Finding courage she didn't realize she had until now, she returned his glare and harsh words, "You must be crazy if you think I'm gonna help you. You want to steal, you can bloody well carry it out yourself."

The young thief wasn't going to put off by Ally's brave talk. Her defiant attitude only increased the anger within him and he vented back at the young woman.

"Now you know I can't do that. Imagine these blokes wantin' to check me to see if I've nicked their bloody silver when I leave. We can't 'ave that now can we? Oh, but they'd not check a fine "lady" like you, so you'll put 'em nice and neat in your 'and bag and meets us after the party. And I knows you'll do just what ol' Tom 'ere says for you to do or so 'elp me I'll show the lot of 'em right here and now just what kind of "lady" you really are. You got's dat LOVE?"

Tears welled in Ally's eyes, both from the fear and the excruciating pain she felt as he threatened to break her arm. She couldn't be a party to stealing, but she also knew Tom was cruel enough to start a commotion guaranteed to ruin any chances she had of making a good impression with Andy's parents. She searched the crowd for Andy.

"Oh why did he ever leave?" she thought.

But her prince was still nowhere in sight. Thankfully, a savior did arrive, as one of the "stuffed shirts" in attendance was thirsty for more champagne, and spied the closest waiter. Seeing the tray of chilled bubbly, he pushed in between Ally and Tom, trying to get a glass. When Ally felt the pressure released from her arm, she made her break. Pulling free, she pushed past both the boy and the man and disappeared into the crowd. She couldn't think, and she could barely see as her tears mixed with her mascara and nearly blinded her. She couldn't cry out, for no words would come. All she could do was run, and not look back.

Soon, she'd made her way through the crowd, and found herself standing at an entrance to the house. Hoping she might find Andy, she quickly ducked in. The spacious room was empty of people and she passed through it and into a hallway. She listened, hoping to hear Andy's voice but she was surrounded by silence. Seeing a door, she pushed it open gently and the soft lavender colors and rounded mirrors told her she'd at least found the ladies' room. Slipping past the door, she leaned against it to close it and then set the lock.

Finally, her energy was gone, and she slid to the floor and collapsed in a pile of tears. Now she could think, and she didn't like the thoughts that were coming. There was no telling what that evil boy and his mates would do. Ally had seen and felt their cruelty first hand. They'd have no druthers about exposing her. They might even say she had nicked the wallets and they'd caught her red-handed. Either way, when they caught her, and sooner or later they would, they might just 'do the world a favor' as they would say, and finally kill her.

And what about Andy's parents? What would they think of her now? Not only a transsexual, but also a petty thief to boot. How could she face them now? And what about Andy? Yes, Andy loved her, but did he truly realize WHAT he was loving? They'd both been caught up in a fairy tale since the day he'd given her that rose, but it wasn't real, and neither was she.

Ally buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Once the tears subsided enough for her to stand, she took hold of the washbasin and pulled herself up. Staring into the mirror she caught quite a sight. Dark mascara mixed with tears ran down her cheeks giving her the ultimate gothic look. Her hair had come partially undone and had fallen in front of her face. She pushed the hair back and shook her head in disgust. She looked a fright. No matter what, she couldn't face anyone like this, and she also wasn't thinking clearly enough to make life-changing choices. The best thing she could do for herself, her Andy and his parents was just to leave and go back to Elsa's. Maybe she could sort it all out there. She'd ring Andy later and try to explain it all then.

Ally splashed a bit of cool water on her face, took a deep breath before sliding the bolt from the door. Almost immediately it pushed open, and she was knocked back to the wall. Three familiar lads forced their way in and a badly shaken Ally stared up at them from the floor. The last one in shut the door behind them, but failed to bolt it. The other two went straight for Ally and picked her up from the floor. Tom sneered and slapped her. One of his henchmen punched her in the stomach and down she went again. Ally rolled up in a ball and sobbed. This brought laughter from all three of the boys and Tom quickly jerked her back up like a life-sized rag doll.

He slapped her several more times and then dragged her over to the mirror and shoved her face in front of it. A small trickle of blood ran from her nose, and already her lip had begun to swell.

Some woman," he laughed and his minions soon joined him. His eyes narrowed as the hate poured out of him. "You stupid little boy-bitch! You mucked up the whole works. We had to chuck the lot of it, watches, wallets and all. Didn't even have time to lift a single quid out of 'em. You got's any idea of what it took to get us in posing at servers? You're gonna pay for all of it."

Ally cowered and closed her eyes, sure she was in for the beating of her life, or maybe her death, but her captor had other ideas. When she didn't fall from the force of the blows she opened her eyes to find him smiling wickedly at her.

"Charlie 'ere tells me you been arm and arm with ol' Andy. Never figured him to be queer, but … aye, what can you say? Bloody rich Yank's no bedder than you. and I think the whole world ought's to know he's nuttin but a poof. Wonder 'ow much his mum and dad would pays to keeps something like that quiet? Maybe ... we oughts to call 'em in and finds out."

Ally's eyes went wide. Her own father had beaten her before, and worse. She was prepared to take whatever abuse they could dish out, but she'd rather die than have Andy or his parents hurt on her behalf. Yes, she and Andy had planned to tell his parents, but not now, and not like this. They'd be crushed, and there was no telling how bad it would go for Andy.

Her eyes flashed with anger, "Damn you, do what you want with me, but you leave my Andy and his family alone!"

Tom laughed and mocked her, "My Andy is it? Now ain't dat touchin'. Fancy yourself as a real girl, do ya? Gonna marry 'em are you? Your ol' man gonna give you away is he? Like to see you find a church that'd bless the likes of you. And what about kids? Figurin' on bein a mum, and givin' Andy some fine strappin' sons are ya? Now that'd be a right nice trick with what you got 'tween your legs."

Thrusting his hand forward to drive home his point he grabbed Ally by the crotch. Ally, now pushed beyond the breaking point, slapped him hard across the face and in doing so her nails grooved several deep scratches along his cheek. The young man let her go and reached up to feel his stinging jaw. When he pulled his hand back he was met with blood, his blood. This enraged the beast and he came toward Ally. Reaching in his back pocket he pulled out a blade and snapped it open.

"Stupid bitch. You cut me! Oh … now you're gonna bleed, and I knows just where to cuts!"

His eyes drifted down to her crotch and Ally backed up to the wall as he took another step closer.

"I'm gonna 'elp you out. You wanna be a girl? Then you won't be needin' this."

The other two quickly flanked their leader as he held the knife, preparing to send Ally out of this world minus a piece of flesh she never should have had when she entered. Ally braced herself against the wall and closed her eyes, wondering if the next time she opened them, would she finally be face to face with the Goddess?

Fortunately for Ally, her meeting with the Goddess was cancelled by the shouts of a woman entering the bathroom.

"What's going on in here?" she fired. "You leave that girl alone! Go on. Get out of here or I'll call the police!"

Police was a dirty six-letter word to these boys, and they wanted none of that. Spitting out, "This isn't over, bitch," Tom and the two others ran past the woman and out the door.

Ally staggered toward the sink, relieved, but in shock. Ally's timely savior came up to her, and noting the girl’s condition, immediately told her sit down while she went to fetch help.

Ally waved off the woman's kind offer of assistance saying, “thank you, but I’ll be fine.”

However, it was obvious she was anything but that. The older woman obviously recognizing this poor beaten girl as the same vision of loveliness she'd seen earlier on the arm of the hosts' handsome son, offered her assistance once again.

"Love, you're all in. Let me go get Andy or his parents. You're Andy's fiancée, aren't you?"

As much as she wanted Andy to hold her and make all this go away, she knew he couldn't, and she also knew she couldn't face him, not now, maybe not ever. Pushing past the woman, she bolted from the ladies room without a word and fled through the house, exiting out a side door. Once outside, she ran across the grounds and then disappeared into the adjacent woods.

She wandered aimlessly for a while, finally collapsing near the trunk of a large tree. Curling up into a ball, she rocked and sobbed until she was spent.

Thirty minutes went by before she struggled to her feet. She was torn. Part of her wanted to go back and find Andy, or stay here until he came for her, while the other part wanted to run away and spare Andy the misery of a life with someone like her.

She knew she loved him, that wasn't the issue. The issue was, did that love give her the right to ruin his life? She didn't know what to do, but she couldn't stay, and she couldn't go back. She desperately needed to think and keep moving. She started walking once again, hoping sooner or later the woods would give way to a road.

The woods finally did open to a road. At first it was unfamiliar to her, but as she began walking it a ways, she realized she knew it well after all. Somehow she must have gone much further than she dreamed possible, for this road led by her old sanctuary. She traveled but a few hundred feet further, and there, nearly hidden by the thick foliage was the old familiar path that would lead her to the abyss. Needing to talk to the Goddess perhaps more than any other time in her young life, Ally pushed back a branch and disappeared into the thicket. She knew she would find her answer at the abyss.

Twenty minutes later she'd arrived at the cliff. Now, for the last hour she had been standing at its edge, contemplating her life, past, present and hopes for the future. Piece by piece she took it all apart. She had no family to speak of, at least in the truest sense of the word. She might as well have never been born. She didn't exist at all to her mother, and she existed only as object of abuse for her father.

She did have a few friends, but most were like her and Elsa, souls cruelly imprisoned in the wrong body. When it came right down to it, they were a hopeless lot who hid and sneaked about, trying to blend into both the gay and straight communities, and trying to keep from getting their brains bashed in by others like Tom who felt it was their duty to rid the earth of "sick bastards" like them.

The highlights of her life had been playing female roles at the school theater, and the glow she felt every time a shopkeeper called her “Miss.” She was eighteen and playing “make believe girl,” but what would she do for an encore? More importantly what did she really have to look forward to when the magic was gone and she couldn't pass anymore? Who would want her? Who would care if she lived? Who would care if she died?

A single name came to her like the charging white knight it belonged to … "Andy". Yes, Andy wanted her. Andy would care. Andy was the one person on this earth who truly loved her, but was she woman enough to love him back?

Her tears took control again and another round of sobs shook her body. Finally they subsided and she turned her face toward the heavens.

"Alright damn it, yes ... yes ... oh Goddess I do love him. When he holds me, and smiles at me I see the love I feel for him come back to me, and I am so full. Suddenly my world's not wrong anymore, because in his eyes I'm not wrong, and I've never felt so alive. Oh Goddess, he tells me I'm beautiful and he makes me believe it. He fills today with joy and gives me hope for tomorrows I never dreamed possible before. I know I've found my soul mate. He's everything to me, but ... but ... sometimes everything just isn't enough is it?"

Her knees threatened to buckle from sheer exhaustion. She gasped another breath and began again.

"Oh Goddess, he gives me so much, but ... but ... I will never be able to give him what he deserves and I must have been daft to think I ever could. You know he took my heart the day he took my hand and gave me that rose. He kissed me and I awoke from a life long slumber to discover I was more woman than I dreamed possible, and for a while I believed that was enough. I believed in the handsome prince, the beautiful princess and happily ever afters, but real life isn't a fairy tale, is it Goddess? Sooner or later it destroys fairy tales like Andy and I have lived. It's like a relentless dragon that no brave knight can slay. It's a clock that rang midnight on this Cinderella, and now she is nothing more than a stupid bloke in a princess frock."

Ally shook her head and sighed, "Goddess, Tom and his lot are cruel bastards. I know that, but ... but he was right about one thing. I'll never be a REAL woman for Andy, no matter what I feel like inside. No matter how much I love him. No matter how much he loves me. It won't be REAL because I'M NOT REAL and sooner or later he's going to realize that. Sooner or later he's going to tire of telling half-truths and outright lies about his 'girlfriend.’ Sooner or later he's going to want a woman he can meet at the altar and call 'wife.’ Someday he's going to want the children I can never give him and he's going to hate me for that. Oh Goddess I cannot live to face that day. I cannot!"

Frustration and despair threatened to consume her. Her sanity, like her slender form, teetered on the edge of a dark abyss. She desperately needed answers to questions that defined her very existence.

"Why have you done this to me Goddess? Why would you put this girl's heart in such a prison? What could I possibly learn from being trapped this way? The meaning of pain, frustration, self-hate, anger and hopelessness? They are lessons learned trust me. I get a refresher course every morning when I stare at my naked body. If you want me to know what it's like to feel unloved and unwanted, I am reminded of it every time I look into my father's eyes. If you want me to know what it's like to feel disgust, hatred, and pitied, you need not worry, I've seen it many times in the eyes of those who pass me on the street. If my lesson is to know envy, want and pain unimaginable, I know them well too, for they are pounded into me every time I see little girls playing in the park, or a beautiful young woman, pregnant with child, walking hand in hand with her love. Please Goddess, please, teach me no more. I have learned enough!"

The young woman dropped her head to her chest and watched more tears disappear into the darkened void. The darkness seemed to call to her. It offered a coolness to quench her raging fever. It offered sleep to a soul too weary. It offered a blessed release from this life's imprisonment. Knowing she had the power to end "school" with a single step forward, momentarily calmed the young woman and again she sought out the Goddess.

"Goddess I'll accept all that you have taught me as somehow necessary, even if I don't understand why, but Goddess, why bring me Andy? Why tempt us both with what you know we can't have? Why let us love each other when you know it can never be? There's no lesson to be learned in that, only cruelty. Oh Goddess, do with me what you will, but I refuse to ruin Andy's life, and that's exactly what I'll do if I stay with him. He deserves a woman, a complete woman who can return his love in every way. Goddess, you are a woman. Surely you understand why I love him, and yet why I have no choice but to let him go. If he has me, he will lose everything. I ... I can't let him do that. The price for our love is too high."

"But what to do now?" she thought.

She knew she could never return to Andy. She couldn't go back home. It was only a matter of time before either her father or some 'Tom' beat her until they finally killed her. She could stay with Elsa for a bit, but she'd only return to Andy if she did. If she was anywhere on this earth, sooner or later she would return to Andy, and she couldn't let that happen.

It was all too clear now. She couldn't have a life with Andy, and there was no life for her without him. In her heart, she knew there was only one thing left she could do. She leaned over a bit further. Just another inch or two and she would disappear like the pebbles that had left before her.

Making her farewell speech to the Goddess, Ally begged forgiveness,
"Oh Goddess I know by taking this life before its time, I forfeit not only it, but the all the others to come. I am prepared to accept that, but please Goddess, please, all those souls who were destined to be my future children, please don't let them die with me. Please let them have life through another. Please take care of my babies."

Ally wiped the tears from her eyes, as she wanted to at least meet death with more courage than she'd lived this life. Taking what was sure was her last breath she let go of the rock and leaned toward the abyss.

She admitted her defeat as she prepared to meet the Goddess, "Forgive me Goddess, I lost my courage. I lost the battle. I’ve even lost myself."

She leaned forward to embrace the dark abyss, and suddenly a voice called to her. She almost expected to hear an angry Goddess's voice from the void, scolding her child for coming home before she was called, but this voice was soft, sweet, and childlike, and strangely, coming from behind her. She was still inching toward her death when she turned her head to find the voice had a smile, and a beautiful little girl attached to it.

"Hi! What's ya lookins ats?" the little one asked innocently as she wiggled fingers at Ally.

Ally, torn between the depths of her despair and the shock of finding she now had an audience, scrambled to keep her footing, motioned for the child to stay back. Her distraught mind was slow to get words to her mouth and it took a few more seconds to verbalize a warning. The curious child didn't give her those few precious seconds as she quickly covered the distance between her and Ally and leaned over to see what the abyss held.

As a result, the dark void almost took them both. The child was a featherweight, but even her few pounds were enough to make the treacherous footing give way. The little one’s eyes went wide and she screamed as she felt the ground disappear beneath her. Ally, finally awake from her daze, grabbed the falling child with one arm and slid down to her knees. She frantically clawed at the ground, desperately searching for something to latch onto as she was slowly slipping down toward the abyss. By the grace of the Goddess, she found an exposed tree root, and grabbed it tightly. Praying to the Goddess for strength, she began pulling herself and the child back over the edge.

Once her upper body was back on top, she pushed the child up and over to safety before finishing the climb herself. Once on her feet again, Ally wanted to drop back down and thank the Goddess for her intervention. She also had a few questions for this mysterious little girl who had appeared out of nowhere and nearly joined her in the afterlife. She was going to start with something simple like, “what is your name?” But when she saw the child trembling after her brush with death, she knew questions could wait. Ally scooped her up and held her tightly. Carrying her over to the base of the tree that had loaned the life saving root, she rocked the child until the little one started to calm.

Seeing dirt had fouled and tangled the child's pretty long blonde hair, Ally reached over to the purse she'd left at the base of the tree, and pulled out a brush. Gently and lovingly she began working out the tangles and restoring the child's locks to their luster. The brushing seemed to have a very calming affect on the child, as she began purring like a cat being groomed. By the time Ally had finished, the child was smiling up at her again with sparkling true blue eyes that of course, reminded her of Andy.

The little girl hugged Ally tightly and kissed her on the cheek. "I wikes gettins my hair bwushed. Mummy does its fors me ebery night."

Ally smiled back at the adorable imp, "Yes, I can tell you like getting your hair brushed. I heard you purring."

The little one nodded and pointed her finger to her chest, "I knows! Mummy saided dat too and dats why her calls me Kitten, but ... but ... my weal name is Mag ... I means Alice! My weal name is Alice!"

Ally giggled at the animated girl.

Extending her hand forward she offered her own introductions, "Hi, Alice."

She'd hadn't missed the child's slight stumble at giving her name, but decided to play along, at least for now.

Alice eased her hand into Ally's and then shook it as the young woman winked at her, "I'm Ally and it's nice to meet you, but you seem awfully young to be out wandering in the woods alone."

Alice shook her head, and then held up nine fingers at the young woman. Counting them one by one, she giggled as she pulled the last one back in. "I is dis many years old. I is eights now, but ... but ... I used to be fives ya know."

Ally giggled and then nodded, "Yes, I can see. You are quite the big girl now, but even a big girl can get lost. You're not lost, are you Alice?"

The young woman's praise made the little one's chest swell proudly and Ally was quick to notice. She was also quick to notice that Alice's physical appearance matched the eight years she claimed to have, but her speech patterns and actions seemed more reminiscent of the five-year-old she remarked of having once been. Ally didn't really get much chance to dwell on it as her new friend starting chatting again.

Pointing at Ally as she spoke, "And ... and ... I no lones neiders, Ally ‘cause I wiff you!"

Her finger then drifted over toward the abyss that had almost swallowed both her and Ally up. "And ... I no losted cause dats da wabbit hole."

Ally's eye went wide as the child's words lost her, "Rabbit hole?"

Alice sighed frustratingly and explained. "Da wabbit hole! Dat's where's da wabbit wented down, cause hims was late, and den I gots to follows hims down dere for da venture cause I is Alice, Alice in Wonderland!"

Ally nodded knowingly, realizing the child was referring to the Lewis Carroll fairy tale, "Alice in Wonderland," about a young girl named Alice who went down the rabbit hole and had a wonderful fun-filled adventure.

"Yes Alice, now I understand," Ally added with a smile.

Alice smiled back at her. Ally then took a long look at the smiling child before her. This "Alice" certainly did look like she had stepped out of the pages of the timeless classic. Her long blonde hair had been pulled back by a lovely blue bow that matched both her eyes and the darling pinafore she modeled. White stockings and black Mary Janes completed the ensemble for the very convincing fairy tale tot.

Obviously, Alice's mother really encouraged her child's imagination, right down to letting her dress the part, but no child five or even eight should be roaming around the woods untended looking for "rabbit holes". Ally opened her arms to Alice, and the child returned to their safety.

"Alice," the young woman cooed softly. "That's not a rabbit hole over there. It's a very, very dangerous place. Definitely not a place for a little girl to be playing. How about we go find your mummy, cause I bet she's probably looking for you right now."

Alice sighed and shook her head, "Ally, Mummy no wookins for mees. Her knows where's I’s at. Hers always knows where's I’s at cause her gots magic, and ... and ... when I gets big wikes hers I gonna habs magic toos."

Ally hugged the imp tightly. She had never had a mummy like her new friend Alice did, but she knew mothers, the kind who loved and cared for their children, and they did have a magic. It was how they always seemed to be able to bring a smile to their child's face and chase away the tears and the scaries. It was how they instinctively knew they were needed long before their child's cries could be heard. It was all the things that only a mother could do and fix. It was "mummy magic". Ally was so happy Alice had mummy magic in her life, and her heart ached as she knew she would never get the chance to work mummy magic with her own little girl.

Ally sniffled back a tear and forced a smile, "Well, maybe we ought to go back and find her anyway. We don't want her to think you wandered off and got lost do we?"

Alice shook her head and then pleaded, "But ... but ... Ally! I tolded you, Mummy knows I is here's. I spossed to be here's cause ... cause I no losted. You is!"

Ally's eyes grew wide as she pulled back slightly and gave Alice a puzzled stare.

"Me? I'm not losted, errr ... I mean I'm not lost, Alice. Why ... why would you think I'm lost?"

The child sighed and whined, "I hearded you when you was lookins downs da wabbit hole. You saided you was losted, or dats you losted someting, so I here's to helps you finds it."

Ally's turned and stared quietly out over the abyss again, her mind trying to recall her last coherent thoughts before she had nearly leapt to her death. Yes, those had been her last words. Obviously the child had heard her crying, and then wandered over. Ally closed her eyes and said a quick silent prayer to the Goddess, so glad that the child hadn't seen her jump to her death, or worse, tried to follow her down the "rabbit hole.”

Tears ran down her cheeks as she pulled the little one back into her embrace and rocked her tightly, unable to speak. Alice, like the kitten she was nicknamed after, purred softly and enjoyed the closeness.

Finally, Ally was able to find her voice again, and she whispered softly into Alice's ear, "Honey, I didn't lose anything down the 'rabbit hole'."

Alice pulled back and smiled at her. "I sure gads you didn't, Ally, cause I tinks it's a long, long ways downs to da boddom of dat hole."

Ally wiped her eyes as she giggled. "Yes ... yes I think you're quite right, so I don't think we need to go looking down there anymore okay?"

Alice nodded enthusiastically, adding, "Otay!" Her exclamation point being a kiss on Ally's cheek.

Ally smiled big and returned her kiss three-fold.

The child giggled before posing her next serious question, "But Ally, if you no losed nuttins down da hole, den is YOU what's losted?"

Ally kept the child in her arms as she leaned back against the tree and sighed, collecting her thoughts, and wondering how or even if, she should explain her troubles to the little princess she held. She looked into the child’s eyes and could see the concern the little one had for her, and it so touched her heart, she had to at least tell her something.

Choosing her words carefully she began. "Well Alice, I honestly don't know. Maybe I have lost my way. Goddess knows I sure feel lost."

Alice hugged Ally and then smiled at her. "No worries Ally. I helps you no be losted no mores. I pwomise."

"Thank you Alice, but I really don't think there's anything you or anyone can do to help with this kind of lost," Ally added with a sigh.

The child's eyes flashed and smile spread across her face, "If I had magic powers wike mommy, I could waves my hand and takes you home and then you be losted no mores, but ... but ..."

The smile that had came quickly faded just as fast. "But, I no bigs enuff yets to habs magic wike Mummy cause ... cause my spells no works wight. I twys weally weally hards but I keeps messins up. Mummy saided I no lowds to does spells no more after I turned a mean ol boy into a fwoggie. I tolded hers it was an axidents, but ... but ... I still gots in twoubles after her turned him back."

Ally put her hand to her mouth to hide her giggle. The frustrated look on Alice's face was priceless. It was almost as if she believed she really could turn boys into frogs. It was obvious the child had a vivid imagination, but sadly, Ally's problems were very real.

"Alice, I know you want to help, but I don't think magic, not even "Mummy magic" can help with the kind of lost I am."

Alice nodded but she wasn't about to be discouraged, "Ally, eben if I no cans does magics, I still can helps you no be losted no mores. I bets I cans."

Alice rubbed her nose as she thought a minute and then the smile returned, "Ally, maybe your mommy will use her mommy magic and come finds you and take you home."

Ally shook her head and sighed, "Umm ... I don't have a mummy, Alice. She's gone."

Ally's words were true. The woman had been gone from her life for some time and while she had been Ally's mother, she'd never ever been her mummy.

Alice frowned and hugged Ally tightly. She couldn't imagine not having a mommy. Saddened, but undaunted, she pushed on.

"Ally does you gots a daddy to takes cares of yous at your home cause maybe hims will comes finds you."

Ally bit her lip, unsure of how to respond, "Well, I don't think daddy will come looking for me Alice, because ummm ... I am a big girl now and daddy's house isn't really home anymore. I'm not so sure I even have a home."

The truth was, her childhood home had never been home, and if her daddy had ever come looking for her, it was to beat the hell out of her. She was definitely better off homeless.

The little girl scratched her head and then another thought came to her, "Ally, Mommy says home is where's your heart is. Maybe if you knows where's your heart is den you will knows where's your home is and ... and ... den you won't be losted no mores, sees? Ally, does you knows where's your heart is?"

Tears threatened at Ally's eyes again as she knew where her heart was, and where it had been ever since that night on stage. Her mind filled with Andy's presence as she fought to find words and a smile for Alice.

"Alice I know where my heart is, and I wish my home could be there too, but I can never go there."

Alice sighed and then frowned, "How comes Ally? Don't you members hows to gets deres?"

"Yes, I know how to get there, but I can't go," Ally answered.

"It is too fars aways Ally?" asked the child.

"No, that's not the problem, see it's complicated and..."

Alice didn't understand words like complicated and cut Ally off before she could explain, "Is dey anybody at dis home dat loves you and wants you deres?"

A bit flustered the young woman tried to field the child's fast-coming questions, "Well, yes Alice, there is. There is one person who loves me very much, but..."

"Well don't you loves dem back?"

Ally blew out a breath, "Yes Alice I love them back, but..."

The little girl cut her off again and shook her head. "I no unnersands Ally. If you knows hows to gets home, and ... and it’s no toos fars way, and umm...dey is somebody deres who loves you and ... and ... you loves dem back, den how cans you be all losted? Don't you wanna goes home and bes wiff dem Ally?"

Ally had been bested by the babe. Her childish logic was inescapable. It was all so simple to the little one, and yet so very complicated for Ally. The want for her home, for her Andy and the life she could never have overwhelmed her and she pulled Alice in to her arms and cried.

"Yes Alice, I do wanna go home, I do! But, I just can't."

The little girl snuggled with Ally, and then like a pint-sized version of her own mommy, she sought to comfort her new friend, "It's otays Ally. No cwys. I knows what you is spossed to does now. Mommy saided dat if I ebers gotted lost or weal sads or didn't knows what to does, dat all I gots to does is cose my eyes and tinks of hers and she will comes gets me, and fixes eberyting! Sees Ally? Dats all you gots to does, tinks of da one who loves you wikes my mummy loves me and I bets dey will come gets you, and ... and ... takes you home and ebery tings will be happily eber afters likes da faiwy tales says."

Ally hugged and kissed the little one, too innocent to know that real life isn't like fairy tales, and sadly there are very few happy endings.

Alice looked at her with pleading eyes and then a voice to match, "Peas Ally, peas try. I knows it works. Please ... you just gots to trys it. Otays, pleeeeease?"

Ally's own heart was already broken. She couldn't bear to see the child's broken by her refusal, so she reluctantly gave in.

Alice hugged her tightly and then wiggled away from her as she told Ally, “Cose yer eyes and tinks bouts da person yous loves most and keep tinking until they came for yous.”

Alice made her solemnly promise not to open her eyes until she heard a special voice.

Ally agreed, and leaned back against the tree. She closed her eyes and Andy returned to her. It was the first time she saw him ... and then had their first kiss. She smiled as she tasted it again, and then slowly she began to drift through all they had shared over the last few months.

She was still lost in her memories when she heard a piece of dead wood snap beneath the weight of someone's shoe and then leaves rustled as if branches were being pushed aside. Thinking her little friend was growing tired and perhaps running off to her mummy, Ally turned toward the direction of the sound, but didn't open her eyes.

A voice called out to her, a voice she couldn't possibly be hearing, and her eyes fluttered open to confirm the impossible was possible, for there, not ten feet from her, stood the one who held her heart, the one person who truly loved her. Somehow, someway he'd found her. Andy had come to take her home.

Andy breathed a sigh of relief as he saw his love open her eyes. Ever since he'd headed down this path to her, he'd feared the worst, and when he saw her eyes closed and her body still, his heart had nearly given out. He wanted to drop to one knee and thank this Goddess that Ally always spoke of so highly for keeping his love alive until he could find her.

Ally stood up and braced herself against the tree. It took all her effort to stand, as she was as weak kneed as a newborn colt. Andy' eyes were locked on hers, and his heart ached as Ally's pain was etched on her bruised and mascara stained face like the blood and dirt that defiled her once beautiful party gown. He had far more questions than he'd gotten answers for concerning what had transpired at the party after he'd left Ally, but those could wait. All he wanted to do now was get her into his arms, and take her home. He quickly began closing the distance between them.

"Oh Ally, thank Goddess I found you. I ... I was almost out of my mind. I was so afraid I'd lost you. But it's going to be all right now. You'll see. I'll take you home, home with me and ... and ... everything will be okay then."

Andy had closed half the distance between him and Ally when the young woman shook her head and took a few steps back toward the edge of the abyss. As much as Ally wanted and needed Andy to hold her and to make everything better, she knew he couldn't. The same reasons that had taken her to the abyss before pushed her ever closer again.

"No Andy, I can't go home with you and everything's NOT going to be okay. It's ... it's never going to be OKAY, because ... because, I'M never going to be okay! Please Andy, please just leave and ... and ... just forget you ever knew me."

Ally trembled and inched backward as the tears ran fresh rivulets down her face.

Andy stopped, but he didn't retreat. His heart ached. He could feel his soul mate's pain. She needed him now, more than ever. Extending his hand toward her, his voice was filled with love and a cool calm.

"Ally, please listen to me. I can never forget you, and I'm not leaving without you. Now come to me my love. Just step toward me and take my hand. Please, Ally, I love you."

Ally shook her head and wiped her eyes and her voice choked with tears, "No! No! No! Andy you can't love me. No one can love me. Oh Andy look at me, for Goddess sake, will you just LOOK AT ME!"

Her trembling hands directed his eyes to her face and body. Then she fell to her side, fists clenched in frustration.

Andy did as his love requested. He looked at her and within her. Within, he saw the beautiful, gentle soul that had captured his heart and brought love into his life. He also felt the pain and frustration of the beating she had taken. Not just the physical beating that had left her face bruised and her gown torn and bloodied, but the emotional one, the one that was torturing her far worse. He was a mixture of compassion for Ally, rage at those who had hurt her so, and guilt from not having been there to protect her.

His emotions poured out in a torrent, "Ally, I AM looking at you. I can't STOP looking at you, and I don't want to. You're the most beautiful woman I have ever known, and I want to spend the rest of my life looking at you, being with you, loving you. Ally, you've made me happier than I ever dreamed possible, and when you were on my arm at that party I felt so proud and so lucky because the most beautiful girl there was with me. You turned heads all afternoon, and not because of what you're thinking, but because they saw a beautiful girl in a lovely gown. My parents, Ally, they adored you. Everything, everything was going so wonderful and ... and then I left you. I said I wouldn't leave you, and then I did. None of this would have happened if I had just stayed with you. I promised you I wouldn't leave you, and then I did. ... I ... I ... I let them hurt you Ally. It's all my fault, all my fault."

Ally looked up to see that her soul mate's pain matched her own as he shook his head, chastising himself for having failed her, or so he thought. Guilt, frustration and anger were threatening to consume him, just as they were her. She could not, would not, let her beloved Andy think that what she was, or what had happened could possibly be his fault.

Her voice was the calmest it had been since she hadd last seen him, "Andy my love, you did make me happy, happier than I have ever dreamed possible, and I, I felt like the luckiest girl there because I had the most handsome man's arm holding mine, and your parents are sweet. But Andy! It's not real. I'm not real. It's just been a beautiful fairy tale but sooner or later it has to end. And ... and ... what happened after you left is not your fault! Maybe ... maybe it was actually a godsend."

Andy shook his head and his eyes grew wide in disbelief, "A godsend? Ally, how can you say that? You can't be thinking straight. Look, I don't know everything that happened, but I've seen and heard enough to know they hurt you, and I let it happen. They beat your body and they tried to crush your spirit, but I'm not going to let them take you from me. I'm going to take you back to my parent's place or Elsa's, and then I'll stay with you until you're well. And then ... then I'll go find those bastards that did this. It was Tom Collins and that lot he runs with, wasn't it? They were seen scurrying off like rats after I'd heard you'd been hurt. So help me Ally, I'll track them down, and I swear they'll pay for what they've done to you. God as my witness, they'll pay!"

"Andy no! If you let your anger and hate rule you, you'll be no better than them. Please Andy don't go after they are. Even if you do 'make them pay,’ it won't do any good. The world is full of Tom Collins's. Are you going to fight them all? Andy, I am hurt, but I've been beaten far worse than this, by my own father's hand. It's not the bruises, or the anger I feel over getting them that truly pains me. Those things will heal. They always do. It's the hurt that WON'T heal that I can't live with. It’s knowing that no matter how much I love you, or you love me, that I'll never be the real woman you deserve. Andy, I can't change what I am. Goddess knows I wish I could, but I can't. That's reality, Andy. You can't change the world or the Tom Collins who live in it, and you can't keep me safe from them, either. Andy, it's just no good. Tom was right, at least right about one thing. I'll always be a 'girly-boy' in a frock and sooner or later you'll realize that and then ... then you'll hate me and I ... I ... just can't live with that Andy! I can't!"

Andy's anger and thirst for revenge drained quickly as his love for Ally and his fear of losing her chased it away. He knew if he lost her now, he'd lose her forever. His words had to be true and they had to reach her. He'd failed her once today. He would not fail her again.

"Ally I could never hate you, NEVER! How could I hate the woman who showed me the meaning of love? Yes, Ally, the WOMAN! You tell me that you're not woman enough for me, well ... I think you're more woman than any I have ever met and you're all that I could ever want. Ally! ... Tom Collins wasn't right! People like him and your father have been wrong to you all your life. You didn't listen to them before. Please don't listen to them now. For Goddess sake, Ally! Listen to ME! I believe in YOU and I believe in US! I love you, and I tell you this from the heart! YOU are the woman of my dreams!"

Ally laughed bitterly, "The woman of your dreams? Andy, I'm not the WOMAN of anyone's dreams. When are you going to open your eyes and see the real me? When are you going to realize I'm not Cinderella?"

Andy eased a step closer and took the opening she'd left him. "No, Ally, I know you're not Cinderella and I know that you're not a genetic girl. You're Ally. You're my soul mate, and I love you and that's what matters. To me you're the most beautiful woman in the world."

Ally shook her head unable to accept his praise, "Andy you think I'm beautiful now, but I'm going get old, and one day this beauty you see is going to be gone. You're going to wake up one morning and find yourself sleeping next to a forty year old, fat balding MAN and you're going to hate me for ruining your life."

Andy sighed heavily, "And someday I'll be a forty year old fat balding man. Are you going to hate me and say I ruined your life?"

Ally quickly shot back, "That's different, Andy, and you bloody well know it!"

Andy then tried to soothe the feathers he'd just ruffled, "Ally, my love, I know it's different for you. Goddess as my witness I know it.
For your sake, Ally, I wish you had the body that you feel would complete you, but to me you are already a beautiful woman, and in my eyes you always will be."

Ally wiped away the tears, but couldn't wipe away the pain or the truth, "Andy, you're in love with someone who doesn't exist. You're in love with the actress in the play. You're in love with the fairy tale princess you took to the party, but they're not real, Andy. I'm not the beautiful woman you think you see, and in time you'll find that out."

Andy ran his fingers through his blonde locks and silently prayed for the Goddess to finally give him words to reach his love, "Ally, you still don't get it, do you? When I say you're the most beautiful woman in the world, I don't just mean the physical beauty that fades with age like a rose. Yes, yes you have that kind of beauty, and yes, I was smitten with the actress whose golden voice and performance stole the show that night. By the time they closed the curtains, I just had to meet you. I would have paid a thousand pounds that night for the honor of giving you that rose, and when I stood before you, I knew I was standing in front of the most beautiful woman in the world and when I kissed you I nearly lost myself in it. Yes, I wanted you and I needed you from the first moment we met, but it wasn't until after that kiss, and after the show that I saw the beautiful woman who captured my heart. Ally, it was when all the costumes, and scripts and audience were gone, and there was only you and I walking the streets of London, talking and cuddling until the early morning chased the night away, that I fell in love with you. During the time we've been together you shared your pain, your joy, your hopes, your dreams, and your very soul with me, and I want you to keep on sharing those things with me forever. Ally, I'm not lost in a stage illusion. You are the actress and you are the fairy tale princess. But you are also a woman. In the very depths of your soul you are a woman, as real as any other, and THAT'S the woman I love. When I say you are the most beautiful woman in the world, that's the beauty I speak of and that beauty is like my love for you, Ally, it's eternal."

Ally's resolve, like the ground surrounding the abyss, was beginning to crumble. Andy's words were beginning to work their magic. It was so tempting to get lost in his arms and that magic, but she couldn't surrender. She had to be strong. She had to be strong for Andy's sake.

"But Andy, even if you accept me as I am, your friends, your family, the rest of the world may never accept me or our love. I ... I ... could cost you everything."

Andy's blue eyes were the deepest blue Ally had ever seen, and they spoke to her even before he did, "Ally, I DON'T CARE what the rest of the world accepts. I love my parents ... but if they can't accept you ... if they can't accept us ... then they can go to blazes along with their money, my friends AND the rest of the world. See Ally, I've had all those things, but they didn't complete me. They didn't give me the kind of love or joy that completes a man. Only his soul mate can do that, and I know you're my soul mate. It's ... it's so amazing! Before I met you, I didn't even know I was incomplete, but now I know I can never be whole without you. My love, you don't cost me everything, you ARE everything!"

Ally couldn't think. She could barely stand. She didn't know what to do any more. Andy just wouldn't let her go and every minute it was getting harder to want him to. Still, she had to fight.

"Andy you are my soul mate. I know it, but ... but ... there is so much I want to give you, so much I need to give you and ... and ... so much I can't. I want to marry you, Andy. I don't care if it's a big church wedding, but I want your ring on my finger, and I want to be your wife. I want to give my body to you, Andy, and make love to you as a woman. I want our bodies to join like our souls have joined. I want those joinings to some day create life within me, and I want to bring that life into this world. I want us to provide a safe and loving home for our children where they can learn and grow. I want see them find their soul mates, and I want to spoil my grandchildren rotten. I want to make love to you until our bones are too brittle to risk contact."

Ally's pleas nearly brought the big man to his knees. He too wanted to share these things with her, but sadly, he knew most would probably never be. Aside from his undying love and hope for the future, he had little else he could promise her. Carefully, he eased a step closer, now only a few feet from his love. He could grab her, but she had to come to him freely or not at all. He knew it was now or never, so he offered all that he had and prayed it would be enough.

"Ally I want to share all of those things with you. I want to see you walking down that aisle and know you are coming to stand by me. I want to love you in every way a man can love a woman. I want to hold our children in my arms and watch them grow, and I want you beside me till my dying day. My love, I don't know how much of all that is possible, but I want you and me to spend the rest of our lives trying to find out. Perhaps we'll just have to trust in ourselves, and this Goddess of yours. We'll do everything we can to build the life we both want. We'll rise each morning and thank the Goddess for all that we have, and we'll go to bed each night and pray for the strength to face the next day without the things we can't have. Ally, I promised you I would never leave you, but I didn't keep that promise. Well, I'm here now, and I'll never break that promise again. I need you, I love you and I want you to come back with me, but if after all I have said, you still choose death over life, then I choose death too, because death with you is better than life without you."

The handsome prince and his undeniable love for his princess had slain all the dragons, at least stolen their fire. What more could Ally ask? This man not only was willing to share life with her, but death as well. How could she ever doubt his love now? He loved her every bit as much as she loved him, and he loved all of her, even the parts she could never love. Maybe she wasn't all the woman she wanted to be, but she was enough woman for Andy, and maybe that would be enough. She no longer feared he would grow to hate her for what she could never be or give him. She knew in her heart, that together they would become more than either could have ever been alone, and by the grace of the Goddess she knew it would be enough. She knew that someday she and Andy would again meet in death, but that day wasn't today, and she prayed it wouldn't be for a long, long time. Most of all she knew she needed to feel his strong arms around her, and without a word, she flung herself into them.

Andy pulled her in tightly and held her close as both their tears came in a release. Andy gently rocked her, stroking her back as she nuzzled against him. No words save for Andy cooing in Ally's ear were spoken. They didn't need them. They just needed each other.

Andy eventually carried Ally over to the tree and sat down, placing her in his lap. He brushed back her bangs and offered his lips. She took them readily as they held the kiss and each other. Reluctantly they pulled apart and Ally laid her head against Andy's chest. She nuzzled, warm and cozy in his embrace.

She was so exhausted that she had almost drifted off had it not been for Andy's soft voice in her ear, "Ally, when I came up on you. I ... I didn't know if you were dead or alive. I saw you sitting beneath this tree, the blood on your dress, and your eyes closed. I prayed you were only sleeping. Thank Goddess you were."

Ally started to tell him she wasn't sleeping, only playing a little wish game with her friend Alice.

"Alice!" she thought.

With all that had happened she'd forgotten about the talkative child who'd almost tumbled to her death with her. She lifted her head off Andy's chest, and began looking around but saw no sign of her.

Andy watched as Ally got to her feet and continued to look towards the woods he'd came from, "Ally, what are you looking for? Did you lose something?"

Ally put her hands on her hips and continued to scan the area, "Umm ... not something, someone. A little blonde-haired girl, ohhh ... ‘bout so high." She then waved a hand at about Alice's height. "Blue pinafore, white stockings, Mary Jane's. Her name was Alice or at least that's what she said, but I had a feeling that was all part of the game she was playing."

Andy raised his eyebrow at Ally, "Game she was playing?"

Ally shook her head and laughed, "Never mind about that, but are you sure you didn't see her Andy? I mean, she was right here with me and she couldn't of gone off into the woods that fast. She'd must of gone back down the path."

Andy shook his head and smiled, "Ally, trust me, I think I would have seen a little blonde haired girl pass me on the path. I was pretty out of it, but not that far."

Ally sighed, "I guess she must have gone back to her mummy. I wish I'd gotten a chance to meet the woman. Andy, her daughter saved my life. If Alice hadn't come when she did, I wouldn't have been here when you got here."

Andy eyes drifted toward the abyss that almost swallowed his love not once, but apparently, twice, "I wish I would have met her to thank her. She sounds like a special little girl."

Ally smiled, "Yes, she was. Gosh, what an imagination."

Andy slipped in behind Ally and gently kissed her neck, "Ally I've got one question. How on earth did you get all the way out here? We've got to be twenty miles from the estate. Did you catch a ride from someone on the road?"

Ally turned and stared at Andy wide-eyed, "Twenty miles? That ... that
can't be. I mean I couldn't have ... I mean I knew I ran a long way through the woods, and ... and when I came out on the road I thought it was so strange that I'd come this far, but ... but..."

Andy shook his head, "Ally I know this area, if not this spot. We're at least twenty miles from the woods that border my parent's estate. Are you telling me that you walked or ran all the way here? There's no way. It's not possible."

Ally shrugged her shoulders, "I'm here, aren't I? And for that matter, so are you?"

That thought made Ally think, and this time she turned the question back at Andy, "Andy, I'm so glad you found me, but ... just how in the name of the Goddess did you do it? I never told you about this place, let alone how to get here."

Andy nodded, "Well, if you hadn't stopped and talked to that lady in fancy dress, I never would have found you."

Ally took a step back and gave Andy a puzzled stare, "Lady in fancy dress? What lady?"

Andy rolled his eyes getting just a big frustrated, "The lady dressed up like a playing card and giving out tarts on the roadside. You know, one of those promotional things for some new pastry, I guess. She's the one who told me where to find you. If you hadn't talked to her, I'd've kept right on walking. Of course if that weird cat hadn't been sitting in the middle of the road smiling at me, I'd be at Elsa's by now."

Ally shook her head and then waved her hands for Andy to stop, "Hold it, ... hold it! HOLD IT! I think you'd better start from the beginning, and don't leave anything out."

Andy offered Ally his arm and she smiled as she took it willingly.

Directing her back to their spot at the tree, he sat down and pulled her onto his lap once more, "Okay, well, after I got done talking with Dad, I headed back out to the party to find you and get our dance. That's when Mom came up and said something had happened. One of the guests told her that she'd went to the ladies room and broke up some sort of scuffle between you and several of the servers. She said they shot out as soon as she came in, and when she tried to help you or go for help herself, you ran off before she could do either. Ummm ... she said ... she said there was blood, and ... and she didn't know how badly you were hurt."

Andy wrapped his arms around Ally and held her tight. Finally getting a second breath, he started again.

"Well, my parents and I searched the house and the grounds. I found one of your shoes at the edge of the property by the woods and then searched there for another twenty minutes until I found the other one at the foot of a big oak, but still no sign of you. I ... I didn't know what to do. I went back to the house, got my car and decided to drive up the road. I thought maybe I'd find you walking along the way. If I didn't find you there, I was going to Elsa's. If she hadn't seen or heard from you, I was going to call the police."

Ally nodded knowingly. If things hadn't turned out as they had, the police definitely would have been involved. She gave her love a soft kiss and smile to let him know everything was all right now, and he started once again. "Well, I had been driving a couple of minutes when ummm ... well things kinda got weird."

"Weird?" Ally asked curiously.

Andy rolled his eyes and then fidgeted a bit, "Ummm ... well... this cat was sitting in the middle of the road, a big fat, orange striped one. I slowed a bit and honked, but he just sat there, and I guess that's really the point where things kinda got weird."

Ally smiled, "Go on then."

"It ... it had to be the sunlight or something. I mean I couldn't have really seen what I thought I saw."

"Andy, c'mon give!" Ally pushed.

Andy finally relented, "Well, I was coming up on the cat pretty fast and then all of a sudden, it ... ummm ... almost disappeared."

Ally laughed, "What do you ... almost ... disappear?"

Andy lowered his head and his voice, "Well, the cat’s body disappeared, but its smile was still sitting there and then ... then that finally disappeared too."

Ally's eyes grew wide and she started to speak, but Andy cut her off, "Look, look I know what you're thinking. You think I've gone round the bend or something, but I swear, Ally, there was nothing of that cat left but a big toothy smile."

Ally giggled, "No Andy, as strange as it seems, I do believe you. Honestly I do, but what happened after that?"

Andy sighed, "Well, the whole cat thing sort of rattled me a bit, and I kinda swerved to the side of the road. I pulled off onto the shoulder and just sat there a minute. I mean, it's not like you see that sort of thing everyday. I decided to just chalk it up to stress, sunlight, or the champagne I'd sneaked a glass of at the party. I figured I'd better get going toward Elsa's, so I tried to start the engine, but now she wouldn't turn over. I tinkered with it for a few minutes and didn't have any luck. You know me Ally, all I know how to do is drive 'em."

Ally smiled and nodded as Andy continued, "So, I started walking, thinking maybe I'd find you, or at least get a ride. I'd been walking for about ten minutes and not a single car passed. I remember thinking that was rather odd, as this road is usually well traveled. Around then is when I realized that somehow I'd gotten off the main road. I didn't know how I did it, but I was on a side road and by the looks of it, I'd gone quite a distance. Well, that's when I met the lady in fancy dress."

Ally grinned, "Yes, you mentioned her. You said she told you where I'd gone?"

Andy nodded, "Yep, called me by name and told me that you'd gone off down the path to the abyss. When we get back out I hope she's still there. I'd like to thank her properly."

Ally smiled like the fat orange cat her love had seen earlier, "Yes Andy, I'd like to meet her, too."

Andy gave his love a queer smile, "Meet her? You already met her, and thank Goddess you did and told her some about it. Like I said, if you hadn't, I'd probably still be walking."

Ally shook her head, "Andy there was no one on the road when I walked it. I never saw a single car, not a single person, I’d especially remember a woman in fancy dress giving away tarts."

Andy ran his fingers through his hair and blew out a frustrated sigh, "Ally you had to have talked to her. I'm not making this whole thing up."

Ally reached out and took his hand, "I believe you, Andy. I do. Why don't you just tell me what she said?"

Andy nodded and started again, "Well it's like I said before. I realized that somehow I'd gotten off the main road and that's when I saw her."

"The lady in fancy dress," interrupted Ally.

Andy nodded and continued. She was standing at a booth all dolled up like a life size playing card. She was a Queen, the Queen of Hearts. She even had the crown to go with it. As I got closer I could see she had all these pastries sitting on the counter, and that's when I read the sign."

"The sign?" Ally asked.

Andy nodded again, "Yeah, it said, 'The Queen of Heart's Cherry Tarts.’ I figured it was some new product they were pushing, and this was one of those free give-aways they are always doing. You know, publicity and all. Well, I was going to stop and ask her if she might be able to tell me how to get back to main road, and that's when she waved me over and called me by name. I jogged over and that's when she pointed out the path to the abyss and told me that you'd gone down there a short while before and were pretty upset. She said I'd better hurry. I didn't even really thank her. I just ran across the road and down the path. A few minutes later, I was here. See, you HAD to have spoken to her."

Ally shook her head, "Andy, I was pretty upset, but I'd remember if I'd spoken to someone, especially the Queen of Hearts." She paused for a moment and then a slight smile teased at her lips, "Andy, even if I did speak to her, and I know I didn't, how would she know who you are, and that you were looking for me? Even IF I'd mentioned your name, how would she know YOU were Andy ... MY Andy?"

Andy shrugged his shoulders and turned it all back on Ally, "Well it's not much stranger than your little friend that appeared out of nowhere and then disappeared again. Alice wasn't it?"

Ally nodded and then her eyes went wide, "Of course! That's it! She told me she was playing fairy tales. Alice! She was playing Alice in Wonderland! It all makes sense now."

Andy rose to his feet and rubbed his chin, "I'm glad you understand. Now, how about enlightening me?"

Ally shook her head and laughed, "This whole thing is right of out ‘Alice in Wonderland.’ Think about it, Andy. I saw the blonde haired little girl in the blue pinafore and she called the abyss the 'rabbit's hole'. And you ... you saw the Cheshire cat who disappeared leaving the grin, and ... and ... of course the Queen of Hearts and her cherry tarts ... that was from the fairy tale too."

She paused, and then giggled, "I'm glad she didn't say off with your head."

Andy chuckled, "You expect me to believe this whole thing is part of some elaborate real life fairy tale?"

Ally shrugged her shoulders, "You got a better idea?"

Andy shook his head, "No, I guess I don't. But you know, Ally, if we tell anyone about this, they'll never believe it. They'll probably take us to an insane asylum."

Ally smiled impishly, "Sounds like the perfect place to me. After meeting the cast of Alice and Wonderland, we might as well go there.
Maybe we'll meet Snow White, Peter Pan and Glenda the Good Witch."

Andy rolled his eyes and laughed, "Alright my little 'Ally in Wonderland', lets get the heck out of here before we see a giant white rabbit with a pocket watch saying he's late."

Ally giggled and took Andy's hand. She had taken but a few steps when she winced and bent down to grab at her ankle, "Owww, damn, I must have turned it."

Andy smiled gallantly, "No problem fair lady, your carriage awaits," before sweeping the young woman off her feet and into his arms. "I'll have you back at my parent's place before you can say, 'Mad Hatter.’"

Ally wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him lightly. She laid her head on his shoulder and thought about what awaited them when they returned, "Andy, I can only imagine what your parents think."

Andy smiled, "You needn't worry about my parents. I did what I should have done from the start. I told them all about you. And ... before you go crazy on me, relax. They don't have a problem with you or us. Dad said he has a friend that sounds very much like you. He had surgeries and now is a legal she. Dad said she seemed quite happy last time he'd talked to her. Ally, my parents even offered to help pay for surgeries and stuff if you want them."

Andy paused a moment to chastise himself, "You know, if I'd been thinking straight, I would've realized my parent's wouldn't be that shocked. I mean, Hell, we lived in San Francisco for years. That's one of the most liberal cities in the States."

Ally was relieved they knew, and touched by their acceptance and their kind offer of help, but she was still nervous, "I dunno, Andy. Maybe you should just take me back to Elsa's."

Andy waved her off, "What, and get me in Dutch with my mother? She's still waiting to show you the grounds and the house, and besides ... you still owe me a dance."

Ally blushed and giggled, "I rather doubt if the band is still there and I don't think I'm in much shape to dance."

Andy winked, "I don't think we need music and I wouldn't worry much about that ankle of yours. I don't intend to let you out of my arms for quite some time."

Ally sighed lovingly, kissed her prince and then laid her head back on his shoulder. Andy returned her kiss and then, with his princess snuggled safely in his arms, started up the path. Stopping for a moment he drew Ally's attention one last time.

"Oh, I almost forgot, I've got a message for you. That blonde haired girl you were chatting with at the party, Diana, I think. She gave me her number. Wanted me, or my parents, to call her when you were found. I think she's really taken with you."

Ally smiled warmly. In the few minutes they'd spoken, she'd gotten such a good feeling from the girl. Promising solemnly she'd give her a ring when they got back, Ally returned her head to Andy's shoulder and closed her eyes. Andy tasted Ally's lips one more time, and then with Ally firmly snuggled against him, he carried her up the path which led to the road and to their shared destiny that lay beyond.

No sooner than the pair had passed out of view of the abyss, that three other figures suddenly appeared at the base of the giant oak. Andy's Queen of Hearts and Ally's little Alice stood hand in hand smiling at each other as the Cheshire cat purred as he wrapped himself around the Queen.

The happy child looked at the queen with love and excitement in her eyes, "Mommy I had eber so much fun goin to works wiff you and payin faiwy tales today."

The queen looked at her little princess with a mother's love and pride, "I can tell. Mommy was pretty sure her little girl would like this. Besides, you're getting to be a big girl and it's time you know what mommy does, because some day you'll be doing the same thing."

The little girl’s smile grew even bigger as she nodded, her mind drifting to the day when she would have the same magic powers as her mommy.

She sighed dreamily and then looked back up to her mother, who was tugging at the neck of her Queen of Heart's costume and frowning, "Mommy don't you no wikes your faiwy tale costume? Don't it fits wights?"

The queen sighed, "Well let’s put it this way, Maggie, there are some parts on a mommy's body that definitely are not meant to be squeezed flat between two playing cards. I'm sorry, honey, but mommy's got to change."

With a wave of the woman's hand, the Queen of Heart's costume vanished and was replaced by a long flowing soft white robe. Her hair, which had been neatly tucked beneath the crown, now fell to its full length just below her waist. The dark auburn had been washed away to reveal the mane's true colors. Shades of brown, black, blonde, orange and red flowed over her shoulders and sparkled in the sunlight, as her eyes changed from blue to hazel.

The young woman ran her free hand through her hair and sighed with relief, "Finally, I can breathe again! It’s worse than a corset."

Looking down at her daughter she winked and raised her hand again to wave it, "Now enough Alice in Wonderland for today. I want my little
Maggie the Kitten back!"

The young mother started to wiggle her fingers but her daughter passionately begged her to stop, "Mommy wait, wait! Can I keeps da Alice dwess on peas, purdy peas? I wikes it bedders dan wobes."

The young woman smiled, "Okay, for a little while longer, but I want my baby back!"

Without chance for further protest, she unleashed her magic so the little blonde haired blue-eyed eight-year-old was replaced by the familiar form of a little girl with soft auburn curls, freckles and emerald green eyes. A few years also melted away, and the small child that held her mommy's hand couldn't be much older than four or five. The blue dress was still there and with a second wiggle of fingers, shrank to fit the child as well as it had before.

Maggie looked down at her dress and smiled happily, "Tanks you mommy. I loves you!"

The lovely robe clad lass smiled and scooped up the little one in her arms, "You're welcome, Kitten and Mommy loves you too. Now for you, Blu, it is time for you to return to your true colors."

“Meeeoww?”

The orange and white striped Cheshire cat’s fur turned into the black and white tuxedo and dress shirt wearing FAT cat that he was supposed to be. The cat purred while it was being stroked under the chin by the young witch.

“Now off you go to your home with Holly.”

And with that the cat disappeared, although his wide smile lingered a while.

Maggie laid her head on her mother's shoulder and sighed.

The experienced mother knew the sound of that sigh all too well, "Okay Kitten, what's wrong? Something's bothering you. Why don't you tell Mommy all about it."

The young mother sat down at the base of the popular old oak and placed Maggie in her lap.

The Kitten fidgeted for a minute and then started sheepishly, "Mommy I no tinks I did berry goods helpin Ally. I was spossed to keeps her fwom jumpin downs da wabbit hole and I almost kinda maded us boff falls in."

The little girl took a deep breath and then looked up wide-eyed at her mother, "Mommy, if Ally hadn't gwabbed da twee bwanch would we weally felled all da way downs da wabbit hole?"

The young woman stared out toward the abyss, thinking for a moment, before carefully choosing her words, "Kitten, you know mommy is always watching. I would never have let you really fall down the rabbit hole."

Maggie nodded and hugged her mother who instinctively pulled her in tight. She had told her daughter the truth. Maggie never would have fallen to her death in the abyss, but what she neglected to tell her daughter that Ally was a mortal being and a creature of free will. When she grabbed Maggie, she truly risked her own life trying to save Maggie's. Had she fallen into the abyss, Maggie's mother could not have intervened to save her.

The loving mother held her daughter tightly, glad she'd been able to answer her question with less than the whole truth, but she could still feel the child's unrest, "Okay, MaggPie, what else is bothering my little kitten?"

Maggie sighed, "Mommy how comes we didn't gets to use no big magics to fixes eberyting? All I gots to do was talk to Ally lots and ... and all you dids was make faiwy tales dat maded Andy comes here."

The young woman ran her fingers through her daughter's curly locks and kissed her forehead before starting again, "Maggie, sometimes when we help we don't always need to use big magic. You remember me telling you that these mortals live in a time and place where they don't have our kind of magic?"

The little girl nodded and then her mother continued, "Well I didn't say they have no magic at all. On the contrary, they have one special kind of magic, a very powerful magic that happens sometimes when two of these mortals find each other. It's called love."

Maggie smiled and hugged her mother, "You means wikes I love yous and yous loves me?"

The lovely lady smiled, "Yes, that's the one magic that is always and everywhere. Ally and Andy have that kind of magic, so they really didn't need us to help them very much. Ally just needed a friend to talk to her for a while and all Andy needed was a gentle push in the right direction. The power of their love did all the rest of the magic."

Maggie nodded and a slight smile turned at her lips, "Well, I guess I am bedder at talkin den I is magic spells wight nows."

The young mother giggled at her chatty kitten and held her tight, "Patience little one, patience. You'll learn."

Maggie smiled impishly, "Mommy can I habs a tart?"

Her mother gave her a puzzled look, "A tart?"

The little girl nodded and grinned wide, "You knows mommy one of dems chewwy tarts you haded when you was da Queen of Hearts? Dey wooked yummers."

"Well, you have been awfully good, but mind you, only one, AND try to get more IN you than ON you this time. All right?"

Another wave of fingers found Maggie holding a plump cherry tart in her hands.

"Tanks mommy!" exclaimed the happy girl. "I'll twy be no messy. I always twy." Maggie bit in and savored the sweet. She swallowed the bite and once again drew her mother's attention, "Mommy I was tinkins bouts somefins."

The young witch waited quietly knowing she didn't need to prompt her daughter to find out what was on her mind aside from cherry tarts.

"Mommy, I was tinkins bouts dem mean ol' boys dat hurted Ally. Hers sures was lucky dat da lady comed in whens hers did, or dey woulda hurted her weally bad, huh mommy?"

The hazel-eyed beauty smiled impishly and then snapped her fingers. Immediately her true form changed to that of the gray haired woman who had so timely intervened when Ally's life was hanging in the balance.

“I wouldn't exactly say it was luck,” she added with a wink.

Maggie giggled and hugged the illusion her mother was wearing, relieved to know that her new friend Ally had been under her mother's watchful eye all along.

Sighing contently she smiled up at her mother who had changed back again to her favorite mortal form, "Mommy, is Ally and Andy gonna bees all wight nows?”

The young woman nodded, "Would you like to see?"

Maggie, with a cherry tart face, smiled and nodded enthusiastically. A wave of the magic user's hand caused a cloud to appear before them, and then as it cleared, images began to appear in the center of it. It was Ally and Andy, only ten years older and this time not alone. Two small children were playing with a puppy, while Ally sat cuddled next to Andy, both of them smiling at the pair. The strawberry-blonde haired little boy was rolling on the ground, squealing with delight as the puppy licked his face. His sister, who appeared to be just a bit older ran over to Andy and Ally with a smile as big as her brother's.

"Mummy, daddy, I loves our puppy and so does Bubby toos." The pair pulled the little girl into their arms and were soon joined by puppy and boy.

Then the image faded from view and the mother smiled down at her daughter, "See Maggie? They're going to be fine, now."

Maggie nodded but then pulled on her mother's sleeve, "But mommy, I no unnersands. I toughted Ally could no habs babies. How dids her gets babies mommy?"

The young woman rolled her eyes, "Well, let's just say that's a fairy tale for another time, okay?"

Maggie answered, "Otay", and went back to munching her cherry tart. The young woman watched her daughter and then stared out to where the last remnants of the cloud were just fading away. With another wave of her hand another picture started taking form. It was a wedding, a huge wedding. Maggie smiled as she watched a tall and thin dark haired man in fancy dress slip a ring on the finger of a young and slender blonde haired beauty. The pair kissed and the music started once again.

Maggie looked up at her mother, "Mommy where is we now? Dat's not Ally and Andy."

Maggie's mother directed her daughter's attention to the second couple that preceded the bride and groom, "See Kitten, there they are. They're the maid of honor and the best man for one of the biggest, most beautiful weddings this world has ever known."

The pair watched as the bride smiled big and threw her bouquet to the crowd.

Maggie stared closely at her and sighed, "Mommy who is da purdy bonde haired lady, cause I tinks I seened her for?"

The young mother smiled, "You have seen her. Remember the girl that Ally made friends with at the party?"

Maggie's green eyes grew wide and she smiled big, "I members now, dats Diana."

The lovely mother nodded, "That's right, kitten, and because Andy brought Ally back home, Ally and Diana got to be very good friends. Well, as you can see, Diana gets married and she gets to live every little girl's dream. She becomes a real princess, and eventually a queen because that man she is marrying is a prince."

Maggie stared closely at the tall dark haired man who was holding Diana's hand and frowned. "Mommy are you sure's hims a real faiwy tale pwince just wikes in my stowy books? Hes gots funny ears."

The witch chuckled and rolled her eyes at her ever-questioning young daughter, "Yes Maggie, he's an honest to goodness prince. His name is Charles and here he's the Prince of Wales. His mother is a very famous queen. She is the Queen of England and HER grandmother was the REAL Queen of Hearts, so ‘Alice in Wonderland’ was more than just a fairy tale."

Maggie sat there mouth open and wide eyed, "Weally mommy?"

The young woman smiled and then wiggled her little ones nose, "Really!"

Maggie smiled as her mother then went on to explain that one day Charles and Diana would be king and queen and they would have two sons who would be fine young princes and a daughter that will be a real princess. That made Maggie very happy and she grinned widely as she watched the royal newlyweds wave to the crowd.

The young witch ruffled her little one's unruly red locks and stole her attention away from the happy scene once again.

"I'll tell you something else, kitten, because of Ally and Diana's close friendship, Diana is deeply touched by Ally's pain, and inspired by her strength and courage. So much so, Diana becomes a champion for many who suffer in this world, and she will be forever loved by not only England but the whole world, AND ... none of that would of happened if we hadn't helped Ally and Andy get back together. So see? We did make a difference today and we barely even had to use magic."

Maggie smiled big, part from the happy story and part from the yummy cherry tart.

With a wave of Shelly’s hand the cloud again showed Diana, now gray haired, slightly heavier and wearing a crown, receiving a medal from a man in a uniform as the crowd around her clapped.

“What’s dat, mommy?” Maggie asked.

“Diana is receiving the most coveted award in the world, the Nobel Peace Prize. She will receive it for all the work she will do during her lifetime, and it wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t met Ally at that party. Look to the left. No, the other left. See? There’s Andy and Ally.”

“Dey’s clapping wid da others!”

“They’re very proud of their friend.”

“Mummy", she asked. "I onwy gots one ting dat I no wikes."

The momma witch was almost afraid to ask but ventured in to dangerous territory anyway, "Yes?"

"Mummy I still tinkins bouts dem mean ol boys dat hurted Ally. I fwaids dey will runs and chases her mores, or say bad words to hers or makes her cwys. I tinks you should turns dem into fwoggies mommy. Dat would fixes dem goods."

The little girl smiled big imagining three new frogs added to her cousin Cathleen's pond.

The mother sighed, "Yes, kitten, I suppose that would, but then they wouldn't learn anything now would they? No, I think I have a better idea than just punishing them. Something that will ease all your worries AND give these three mortals a second chance to learn."

Another wave of the hand, and another image came to life in the cloud. This time it was the front of a church, more aptly a convent. A large wicker basket sat at the steps, and three small infants wrapped in pink woobies wiggled and squalled. Attached to the basket was a note that read, "Please give my babies love and a home."

Maggie giggled and squealed, "You turned dems into babies, baby girls! Yeah Mommy! You dids! You dids big magic after alls!"

The young woman laughed and ran her hand playfully through her daughter's curls.

"Yes, in this instance we needed big magic to make things right. See kitten, it's going to be quite a while before these three are going to be walking, let alone running, and its gonna be just as long as before they're saying any words, good, bad or otherwise. I promise you they will never bother Ally again."

Maggie giggled as she watched the infants fuss, "And deys is doin all da cwyins now, huh Mommy?"

Maggie’s mother nodded but then added an important point she wanted her daughter to understand, "Yes, kitten they are, but this isn't really about punishing them for being bad, it's about giving them a second chance, kind of like we did Ally and Andy. Hopefully, this time around, as girls in a loving home, they'll grow and learn to love, because, my darling kitten, in their world as well as ours, the most important thing for any of us to do, is grow, learn and love. Okay?"

The young mother watched her child nod and smile. She didn't know if Maggie truly understood yet, but she was learning, growing, and always loving.

Maggie smiled up at her mother, "Mommy next time I comes work wiff you can we pay faiwy tales gain? Next times I wanna bees da Liddle Mermaid!"

The young woman rolled her eyes and gave a tired smile, "We'll see."

She knew that doing her work in a fairy tale setting, would keep the child's interest piqued and help her learn, but now it appeared she might be getting into deep water the next time, literally.

Maggie snuggled and a tiny yawn escaped her lips, "Mommy I wikes payin faiwy tales cause ebery times dey always gots happy endings."

The mama cradled her sleepy daughter and then sighed as she noticed how little cherry tart had found her daughter's mouth and how much had found dress, face, fingers and hair.

Shaking her head back and forth, "Well, kitten, looks like you're going to need a bath before bedtime."

Maggie pouted, "Well, I guess they don't ALWAYS gots happy endings after all."

The young mother giggled, kissed her child's forehead. With a final wave of her hand, the pair disappeared to meet their destiny, and for Maggie that was soap, water, and bed in that order.

The End

This story is also part of the universes of "Kitten Tales" created by
Maggie O'Malley and "The Evil Witch" created by shalimar.

I also thank shalimar and Holly Hart for their editorial advice and proofing of this tale.

Note: Transgender and age regression are implied.

Baruchah and Maggie were playing in their room when Momma walked in with a cute little tiny toddler in her arms. The two girls dropped their puzzle pieces and stared wide eyed at the little girl snuggling in their momma's arms.

Momma smiled and told them, “This is your brand new sister, Michelle, and she is two-years-old, soon to be three.”

Michelle's two new older siblings bounced off the bed and rushed over to greet her. Momma put her new baby down and Michelle got kisses and hugs and introductions from her two sisters.

Baru said, "Hi Michelle. I'm Baru, I'm five, and I glad you my new sister."

Maggie said, "Hi Michelle, I'm Maggie and I'm fibs toos, and...and...me and Baru is twins and we is da same onwy we're different see? Baru is da twin who is weally weally smart, and is weally weally purdy and is weally weally good at dayscare and can does her toddler magic weally good too and ummm...I'm da twin dat talks a lots and I'm glad you is my new sister toos."

Michelle smiled at both her new sisters and then looked up at her new momma who instinctively gave her a gentle nudge toward her sisters to let her know it was ‘okay to hug and play and you are safe now’. She punctuated it with kisses for all three of her girls and then her new kid spoke.

"Me Misschell. Wuvs yous."

The three munchkinteers hugged and then Maggie and Baru each grabbed a hand and started pulling Michelle over to their beds and play place to show her all the neat toys and games they can play.

Momma watched happily as her new charge was accepted immediately and totally by her twins and then she felt a soft touch on her shoulder, findings she was flanked by Steffie and Ally and Elsa who obviously have been watching the scene unfold.

Elsa gave her a kiss, Steffie squeezed her hand and Ally said it all, "Well Mum, it looks like the house that love built just added a new addition. I know she will be as happy here as all the rest of us."

Happy tears welled in the young mother's eyes as she hugged her daughters and looked skyward, "Yes Boss, this IS what I asked for, thank you."

 © 2010 Maggie the Kitten

Maggie, one half of the twin toddler terrors, whose sister Baruch was visiting their Aunt Jenna, stood by her mother's side and watched the young woman intently. Shelly sat the apples down on the table and expertly cut them into small wedges. The little girl smiled hungrily and licked her lips in anticipation as she watched her mother pour sweet gooey honey into a small bowl. The petite young mother smiled at her impatient little one and winked at her.

Finally, the wedges were all cut and the bowl was filled with honey. Shelly pulled her near waist long locks back and held them in place with a scrunchie. Considering it took her almost two hours to wash and dry her colorful mane, she had no intentions of giving it a sticky sweet shampoo. With her hair out of honey-harm’s way, she sat down at the chair next to the table. As she pulled her baby up into her lap, the child's wide eyes never left the bowl of sweet honey.

Shelly gently took a few fingers and placed them under Maggie's chin and lifted her face toward her own. "Maggie, do you remember why I told you we have apples dipped in honey on this special day?"

The little girl sighed and scrunched her nose, trying desperately to search her toddler files for the explanation her momma had given her earlier. Of course when you're five, it's a struggle just to recall the alphabet in order, let alone an important religious holiday. Maggie smiled up hopefully at her momma. "I members mommy. It means you gets to have lots and lots of sweets for da whole year. I hope dat means we gets bwownies every day!"

Shelly smiled and kissed her daughter's forehead. "That's not quite what that means Maggie, but you're close. Having apples and honey is a sign of sweetness for the new year. That kind of means love and friendship and lots of good things."

A pair of big green eyes stared hopefully at the young mother. "Mommy does it means we still have bwownies every day?"

Shelly shook her head from side to side and then ruined a little girls dream. "No...we aren't having brownies every day."

Maggie frowned, disappointment evident in her voice. "Oh"

Sighing heavily she slumped and then cuddled against her mommy. Shelly seeing and sensing her little one's sadness, sought to bring a smile to her imp's face once again.

"Maggie", she started, "Do you remember the name for this special holiday? It's a real big name for such a little girl but I bet you can say it for mommy."

The child sat up and a rainbow smile chased the clouds away once again. Proudly she began, "I members it mommy. It's kinda hards for me to say, but I figured a way so dat I always gonna members it. All I gots to do is to tink about goin potty and den I members what da name is."

Shelly was the wide-eyed girl this time. Her experience with toddler tales told her she didn't really want to hear this one, but curiosity overcame common sense and she just had to know. "Alright Maggie, why does going potty remind you of this holiday."

The little girl smiled proudly. "Cause every times I go potty you always say WASH YOUR HANDS'S, and dats kinda what da name of dis holiday sounds like. WASH HANDS'S! And I goes potty's lots so I will always members it."

Actually the name of the holiday is Rosh Hashanah, but "Wash Hands's" was probably the best toddler equivalent Maggie could muster. Shelly wasn't really thrilled that her daughter linked a major Jewish holiday with a trip to the bathroom, but her little one was learning and as a mother, she had to be happy about that, or at least she thought so until Maggie started again.

"Mommy do you tinks I did good membering Wash Hands's?"

The young mother praised her little one. "Yes baby, I think you did very good."

Maggie smiled proudly again. "I glad you tinks so mommy cause I tolded Cathleen about how tinkin of goin potty helped me members da big name and she liked dat lots, so me and her told all da udder kids in da synagogue bouts it. Dey liked it lots and den dey started callin it Potty day cause dats easy to member too. I no telled dem to call it Potty day mommy. Dat just kinda happened cause it maded everybody giggle.

Shelly sighed. She used her mommy magic to keep a smile on her face as her thoughts were far less enthusiastic. "I wonder how long it will be before the phone calls from all the mothers start this time? Well...at least I'll already know what THIS week’s calls will be about."

Maggie was not a bad little girl, but she was definitely ALL little girl. With her spirit and imagination she was truly her mother's daughter, and just like Shelly at that age, if there was any excitement going on, she was probably in the middle of it, if not the cause of it. Shelly had received her fair share of calls from mothers of other toddlers over Maggie’s enthusiasm and color imagination. Most feathers were easily ruffled with kind words and promises of her Chicken soup recipe. Even Shelly was amazed at times on how many words her little one could get out of her mouth, and yet she seemed to have such difficulty in getting most of her food in it. It had to be a toddler thing.

She pondered calling her sister Jenna to give her heads-up on the incoming calls they would both receive over "Potty Day", but decided against it. It was a holiday, and the calls would start soon enough. They always did.

Maggie tugged on her mother's sleeve and the young woman quickly returned to the land of the living. "Mommy you can tells da Rabbi bouts what I figured out, dat way everybody can members dis day easy like I does."

Shelly pulled her well meaning imp close and cuddled her. "Baby, I don't think we really need to tell the Rabbi about this. I'm sure he's already heard."

Maggie didn't notice the pained expression on her mother’s face or the way she rolled her eyes before she continued. "And...I'm sure he'll talk with me or your father about it very soon."

Shelly stopped at that point as she tried to remember whose turn it was to meet with the Rabbi this time. She and Norman usually took turns trying to smooth over whatever damage their little toddler tornado had caused. Considering the nature of this one, it would probably require a joint appearance.

The young mother decided to push this one aside until her husband got home, and move onto more pleasant aspects of the Rosh Hashanah holiday.

"Maggie...can you tells me anything else you remembers about Rosh Hashanah?"

The pixie proudly perked, "Mommy you saided dat peoples been eatin abbles and honey to celebate dis day for a whole long time."

Shelly nodded and smiled. "That's right princess. This tradition goes back thousands of years."

The small child eyes grew wide. "Mommy do you tinks I should asks Gwamma if dey dided dat when she was a liddle girl likes me? I bets dats towsands of years too."

Shelly giggled and shook her head. "I'm pretty sure they were having apples and honey even when Grandma was a little girl, but you can ask her the next time we visit."

Maggie smiled happily thinking about her next visit to Grandma's house, as Shelly asked her if she could remember anything else special about Rosh Hashanah.

The little one scrunched her freckled nose again and then smiled. "I likes da part where we gets to feed da fishy's."

Shelly stared blankly at the child. Maggie seeing the puzzled look on her mother's face, sought to solve her quandary. "Don't you members mommy? We wented to da creek, and gots to goes out in da wader, and den we saided our pwayers and we thowed bwead in da wader for da fishy's to eat."

Shelly giggled slightly but then put her words to a more serious tone. "Maggie...you are talking about the Tashlich. We’re not tossing bread out to feed the fish. The bread is our sins, and when we toss the bread in the water it's a sign of casting off one's sins."

The little girl fidgeted in her mommy's lap and then gave Shelly a worried glance. "Mommy I hopes da fishy's will be alright cause I seened one of dem eatin my sins."

Shelly rolled her eyes, chuckled and pulled her little innocent close. "Don't worry Maggie...the Boss takes care of fishes, toddlers and other small animals. Those fishes will be just fine."

The cuddle Kitten burrowed in close to her mother and hugged her tightly. Shelly rocked her for a moment before asking her is she remembered anything else she had learned. The auburn haired imp smiled and started again. "Me and Cathleen liked makin dem horns so we could blows in da new years. Dat was lots of fun. I just wishes dey maded more noise."

Children often use felt to make rams' horns, which are traditionally blown like trumpets to mark Rosh Hashanah. Shelly was glad they were felt horns. She had heard first hand the noise three toddlers could make with a drum, a horn and a symbol. The thought of thirty munchkins loose with real horns was enough to make her shudder.

Maggie eyes and thoughts turned once again to the freshly cut apples and sweet honey sitting just outside her reach. "Mommy I tinks maybe I likes da honey and da abbles parts best of all! Mommy can I have some abble and honey now? Peas Mommy."

Shelly took the opportunity to correct her toddler's poor English. "May I have some apples and honey Barcuhah...MAY I have some."

The little girl smiled again. "Sure mommy...you can have some too! I no minds sharin cause dey is lots more abbles in da fidgerator. Don't you members? You boughted dem at da store yesterday."

Shelly started to correct the correction and then thought better of it. She decided discretion was the better part of valor and just left that one alone, although she did say a silent prayer for her daughter's future first grade teacher and the grammar games to come.

Maggie looked up at her mother and sighed sadly, "Mommy I no members nuttin else bouts Wash Hands's. I guess I maybe…kinda gotted some tings wrong a liddle. I sorry if I messed up."

The young mother pulled her little one close and hugged her tightly. "No baby, you didn't mess up. You did fine. For now...I think you know as much as you need to. In time, your father and I will teach you the rest. Okay?"

The sunshine returned to the little girls face as she nodded and returned, "Otay mommy!" Along with the sunshine came the honey hunger. Figuring she separated her child from the sweet treat long enough, Shelly took a small apple wedge and dipped in the honey. Holding her hand beneath it to catch the stray drops, she led the golden apple toward Maggie's mouth and the child quickly crunched a bite with her baby teeth. A small trickle of apple juice mixed with honey trickled down the little one's chin. The young woman smiled, and then took her finger and wiped the stray sweet away, popping the now sticky finger into her own mouth and smiling. Maggie giggled happily as both girls savored the treat.

Shelly then dipped the wedge again and pushed the rest of it into her mouth. A stray trickle of apple/honey mix escaped the mother's lips this time and Maggie was quick to notice it. Smiling brightly, she reached up, wiped her momma's chin and popped her prize into her own mouth as Shelly had done just seconds before.

The two girls looked at each other and then both broke into a fit of giggles. Apple dipping, honey dripping and a good amount of giggles went on for almost twenty minutes and several good sized apples.

Maggie basking in the glow of the honey and the special shared moment with her mother, gazed up into Shelly's hazel eyes. "Mommy...is dere gonna be anudder new years weal soon, maybe likes morrow?"

Shelly chuckled, "I don't think quite that soon Maggie, but I'll let you know when the next one is real close, okay?"

The small child answered, "Otay", and then staring longingly at the bottle of honey still on the table. "Mommy do you tinks da Boss will lets us have some honey and apples even if it aint's a new year. I kinda likes dem lots."

Shelly cuddled her baby again and answered softly. "I think we can do that. I'm sure the Boss will always be glad to see a little more sweetness in the world."

Maggie smiled happily at her mother, and then laid her head on the young woman's chest. Shelly stroked her daughter’s soft curls and watched as first one then the other big green eye slowly closed. By the smile on the little one's freckled face, she was no doubt savoring a belly full of honey and apple and day dreaming about more.

The young mother closed her own eyes as she savored the feeling of holding her child close for a very special moment on a very special day.

Huggles

Aunt Jenna's Birthday Gift

by Maggie O'Malley and shalimar

Note: Transgender element is from previous stories. Spells R Us is implied.

Four little girls sat on the edge of the three-year-old's bed. The youngest being Michelle two, then Cathleen her cousin at three, and the oldest twins being her best playmates and cousins, Maggie and Baruchah at age five. The four little girls were often called princesses by Cathleen's mother, Jenna and at the moment they really looked the part. Dressed in their pink princess gowns, wearing aluminum foil crowns, and holding their "scepters," they swung their legs and wiggled their naked toes. The barefoot princesses were holding court today, and a collection of stuffed babies were neatly arranged at their feet attentively listening to the royal rugrats.

Michelle, the diapered one, with her still growing platinum hair had a winning smile that was only exceeded by her great cuddles and her constant following of her older siblings and cousins. Today she showed her relatives her new tooth.

With her long strawberry blond locks and big green eyes, Cathleen was the perfect toddler version of a fairy tale princess. Her smile was pure love and magic, a combination her parents were usually powerless to resist. The little one's charms could get her nearly anything, but sadly were ineffective against her arch enemy "bath time.”

Baruchah had hazel eyes and dark complexion like her mother, and fiery red hair. She was unfortunate to be fifteen minutes younger than her “fat turn all” twin and sometimes had to respect Maggie as her elder. She also hated bath time until she was finally in and playing with the bath toys.

The senior princess, Maggie, shared her cousin’s green eyes but her long hair was in soft curls and auburn in color. Freckles, which her mother told her were really tiny lipstick marks from angel kisses before she was born, adorned the small child's face. She too, had a magic smile, and although it had lost a tooth recently, it still had the same power as Cathleen's, and unfortunately for her, the same failings concerned bath time.

Playing princess was the most recent activity for what had been a pretty active day for the toddlers. Their day had started early as usual. Shelly: Michelle, Baruchah and Maggie's mother and Jenna's sister dropped off her little ones at Jenna's that morning around eight. Jenna normally watched Maggie while Shelly was at work at the Kamp. It was an arrangement that worked well for all parties as Shelly wasn't very comfortable about leaving her little girls at an overcrowded, understaffed day care, and Jenna got to spend the day with her nieces and daughter which thrilled her to no end, while of course the twins and toddler were tickled to be with each other, sometimes literally!

The four were wide awake this morning, so Aunt Jenna gave the three oldest each big bowls of their favorite cereal while Michelle received a bowl of Cheerios, a half a banana and a bottie of milk.

She then let them watch cartoons in the kitchen, while keeping a watchful eyes on the four as she worked. Most of the Lucky Charms went into the three oldest mouths and bellies, with only the usual amount for toddlers, ending up on the table, the floor and them. With the exception of having to remind them to eat once or twice, after Barney magic had captured them and left them staring open mouthed at the television, breakfast was quick and painless. It was Shelly’s good fortune not to be there with that show because she swore she would one day put on Elmer Fudd’s hunting hat, grab her trusty shot gun bought at Toys R Us, bag Barney and serve purple dinosaur meat for dinner.

After the pair washed hands and brushed teeth, Maggie helped Cathleen into play clothes, and the pair spent most of the early morning playing with puzzles and babies, and several noise making toys, which as any toddler knows are by far the best kind. That’s because children are usually heard and not seen.

Around ten, Aunt Jenna checked on her charges and brought them fruit juice sippee's. She sat on the bed, happily captivated, as the group explained all the activities that Jenna had missed in her absence. Jenna pulled her girls in for a cuddle and then asked them if they were ready to play outside for a while. Baruchah and Maggie smiled brightly at each other and then turned to Jenna and in unison in exclaimed. "Can we pay in da pool?!"

“Yeah,” Cathy agreed.

“Pool,” added Michelle.

Jenna laughed and cuddled them tightly. "Yes, you can play in the pool. I'll go outside and make sure it’s clean while y’all get into your bathing suits. When your dressed you come out, and don't forget your towels and your sippee's, okay?"

The little girls were holding hands and jumping up and down but still managed to get out an "otay" before running past Aunt Jenna and heading to the bathroom to get their bathing suits. Jenna shook her head and smiled lovingly, as the fearsome foursome disappeared from view. The young woman had been tempted to put Cathleen into daycare and make her part time work in the toy store a full time operation, but it was moments like this that reminded her she had made the right decision to be a stay at home momma, except when she did som work at the Kamp. Rising from the bed, Jenna then headed outside to the pool, as she knew the junior swim team would be there shortly.

Ten minutes later the quad appeared, Cathleen dressed in her adorable cheerleader swimsuit, Miriam in her cute bikini, Baruchah and Maggie in their Little Mermaid ones. Jenna stretched out on her lawn chair, and opened a book, but over the next two hours never got past the first chapter as she was far too busy answering, "Look at me Aunt Jenna,” and “Look, mommy, look!" The young mother didn't mind as no author's words could come close to giving her the joy she felt just being with children.

She watched as the pair ran in and out of the wadding pool, over to the swing set, then into the playhouse before hitting the water once again. Bailey, the puppy, was a bit slower, but she followed the girls everywhere they went, even into the pool! Once when Aunt Jenna had finally gotten into a few pages of her story and failed to answer one "Look at us now, Mommy," two of the girls snuck up on her and began squirting her with water guns. The young woman was up in a second and pretty soon all five girls were running in and out of the pool and around the swing set with Bailey was still chasing from behind.

Finally, about 12:30 Jenna corralled the water nymphs and reeled them in for lunch. Normally they loved hotdogs and tater tots, especially with lots of ketchup, but they were still wound up from playing outside and were more interested in hitting the water, then hitting the dogs. Jenna, noticing her girls had barely touched their plates, resorted to an unfair mommy tactic. She bribed them with dessert. Going to the oven, she pulled out a tray of freshly baked brownies. The girls seeing their favorite "ooey-gooey" began licking their lips in anticipation. All it took was from Jenna was to remind them that they don't get dessert until their plates were clean. Ten minutes later there wasn't a single tater tot a speck of ketchup or a bite of dog left except for Bailey and what she was able to snatch, and, of course, for the usual amount the rugrats routinely wore.

The four kittens plowed into the brownies like toddlers on a mission. Two brownies a piece and a glass of milk later the toddlers were waddling around like Bailey the puppy. Bailey and Jenna helped them wash off the mess they had worked so hard to create, but not without each giving them several chocolate "ooey-gooey" hugs and kisses.

Jenna then suggested that they might want to lie down a short nap, but the girls weren't ready to succumb to the charms of the sandman just yet and insisted they weren't tired, despite the heaviness in their eyes and bellies.

Jenna told them they couldn't go outside for a little while anyway and that they could play or watch a video. They opted for the video, but long before Peter Pan dueled the Evil Captain Hook, the girls felt the Sandman's presence and decided to get up and play before he caught them.

They had played with their babies for awhile, and they even sung songs with Cathleen's toy piano. Bailey accompanied them with a yip or a howl or two on occasion, but for the most part hid under the bed, and eventually fell asleep.

Finally they decided to play princesses for a while and that's what they had been doing for about thirty minutes. Maggie had just hit Sir Lionheart with her "scepter" officially knighting the King of Beast when Cathleen smiled and called to her twin princess. "Maggie, Baruchah guess what?"

Not giving her royal cousin a chance to answer, Cathleen plowed right ahead as most toddler's are prone to do, "Mommy's birfday is tomorrow! And there's gonna be a big ol pardy wiff ice cweams and cake too!"

Baruchah and Maggie's eyes grew wide at this toddler news flash. Any day there's ice cream and cake is a good day, but this was an especially good day because it was their Aunt Jenna's birthday, and they loved their Aunt Jenna with all their hearts. The young girls smiled as they thought of Aunt Jenna blowing out the candles on her cake, and knowing that they and Cathleen would probably get to help.

The thought of candles brought a question to Baruchah's mind and she shared it with Cathleen, "Cathleen, I wonders how old Aunt Jenna's gonna be. She's all growed up and she's a mommy, so that means she gots to be weal old, maybe bout a hundred years or somethin."

Cathleen thought for a minute and then shook her back and forth. "No,I don't thinks so, Baruchah, cause member when it was Auntie Prue's birfday, and she said she didn't gets no older cause girls can have lots and lots of birfdays and not gets no older, and somes even gets younger?"

Maggie nodded her head and turned to Baruchah, “Remember Cathleen's last birthday? She was three again.”

“Yeah!”

"Well", added Cathleen, "I kinda thinks that's what my mommy does, so she probably done had lots of birfdays, but she ain't never getting no olds."

Baruchah smiled and was happy that her younger cousin had reminded her of the birthday rules for girls, because she never wanted Aunt Jenna to get older either, she loved her just the way she was.

The four children’s thoughts included dreams of cake and ice cream dancing in their heads, when suddenly Baruchah grew wide eyed and her mouth fell open.

Maggie seeing the panic stricken look of her “fat turn all” twin’s face grabbed her hand and asked her if she was sick. Baruchah shook her head no, but she was sad. Aunt Jenna's birthday was tomorrow and she didn't have a gift to give her. The more she thought of it, the sadder she got, and tears began to form in her big eyes that were already heavy from a nap free afternoon. Cathleen and Michelle hugged her immediately, and got tears in their own eyes, becuase if Baruchah was sad, then so was they.

The two princesses held Baru for a few seconds before Maggie joined them.

And then Cathleen smiled. "Baru, Mommy's birfday ain't till tomorrow, and tomorrow is a whole long time. You gots plenty of time to makes mommy somethin or to get her somethin. We just gotta figure out what it is!"

Maggie smiled and wiped a tear away. Cathleen even though she was two years younger than her twin cousins, had a wisdom far beyond her toddler years, and The twins normally followed the little imp's lead, be it into the pool, into the cookie jar or trying to get out of bath time.

The four princesses sat on the bed carefully contemplating their predicament.

Cathleen, trying to help, had her faced scrunched up in as much serious thought as a three year old could muster, when Maggie tapped her on the shoulder, "Hey Cathleen, what did you get for Aunt Jenna on her birfday?"

The tiny tot smiled and then whispered quietly. "I maded mommy a special birfday card wiff lots and lots of hugs in it. Here I gots it hid. I'll shows it to ya."

“Michelle,” suggested Cathy. “look outs da door an see if my mommy is near by.”

The barefoot princess slid off the bed, and hurried to the door. She looked from side to side to be sure Jenna was nowhere in sight. When she gave the OK, Cathy dropping to her knees and crawled under the bed until only those bare feet were showing.

Maggie listened as she heard Cathleen groan, grunt and then holler, "Bailey! Gets off dat. You is seepin on mommy's birfday card."

A few seconds later the pup wiggled out followed by Cathleen who'd lost her crown in the struggle to retrieve the hidden present. Pushing the hair from her eyes, she proudly presented the card to her cousins. The three sisters smiled wide at the brightly colored card. It showed a mommy hugging her little girl tightly, and Cathleen had "customized" it by adding some crayon colorings of her own all over.

Then pointing to a very lovely but totally unreadable scribble at the bottom, she smiled, "See girls, I even putted my name on it right there."

Baruchah and Maggie nodded as that small bit of coloring might have been scribble to any adult, but it was perfect toddler script for "Cathleen.”

“Dat your name?” asked Michelle.

“Sure is Mishee.”

The freckle faced girl and her twin hugged their cousin tightly and told her that was a great gift and they wished they had one just like it to give Aunt Jenna. Cathleen smiled big and ran to her desk to get her crayons and some paper. When she returned she handed them to the puzzled Baruchah and Maggie.

"Maggie an Baruchah, yous can colors mommy a weal purdy picture and gives her dat for her birfday and I bets she will likes dat a lot and yous colors weal good too, like me!"

Maggie got very excited, and dumped the crayons out on the bed and started thinking about what to color when the girls noticed they were shy several crayons. Cathleen pushed the pile around but it was obvious she was missing some.

"Girls, I can't find my gween cwayon no wheres."

Baruchah started poking through the pile and noticed the absence of blue as well. The girls began wondering what could have happened to their crayons and who would possibly take them. In only took a few seconds for the four toddlers to solve both the what and the who.

"Bailey!" they shouted.

The pup had been known to munch a few crayons on occasion and seemed to have a particular fondness for green. The pup hearing its name, wagged her tail and looked up, but when she saw the scowls she was getting from her usually cheerful playmates, she made a beeline for the bedroom door. Cathleen stomped her foot and told her to come back but by then the pup was long gone to her safe spot under the sofa. Maggie walked over to where the pup had been laying and found the evidence to convict the canine. Wrappers from both the blue and green crayons were all that was left.

The girls sighed heavily. Without blue and green it was impossible to color a pretty picture. You couldn't make the sky or the grass. They had no choice but to come up with another alternative.

The girls spent the next thirty minutes suggesting and rejecting possible gifts. Cathleen said that her cousins could get her mommy anything as long as it wasn't bath stuff because Cathleen was having a hard enough trying to throw away or hide all the bath stuff that her mommy had already.

The group of princesses were so engrossed in their task that they never saw the Sandman sneak into the room, and before they knew it, he hit them all in the eyes with a good dose of magic sand. The four princesses had become a quad of sleeping beauties, and when Jenna and Shelly came in to check on them they found the group snuggled with each other and still sleeping soundly.

The two women smiled and shook their heads at the heart warming sight. Jenna went to her baby, and Shelly to hers. They hated to wake them, but those kids needed supper soon, so with a mommy's kiss instead of a prince's kiss, the group was awakened.

The Sandman must have hit them with both barrels, because the girls were still half asleep as their mothers got them out of their princess attire and into shorts, shoes and shirts.

With a sleepy Michelle on her hip and sleepy twins in tow, Shelly thanked Jenna as usual for watching her babies, and then headed for the door as she needed to get home to start dinner. The three blew sleepy kisses to their Aunt Jenna, and waved at Cathleen.

Cathleen astride her own mother's hip waved at her cousins and shouted. "Don't worries girls, you'll tink of somthin."

Jenna gave her daughter a puzzled look and said, "Think of somethin? What are you kids up to now?"

Cathleen smiled like a toddler who knew all the bath supplies were hid well, and answered. "It's a secret and I ain't tellin."

Jenna laughed knowingly, like a mother who knew where her toddler had hid those bath supplies, and said, "I see. Well far be it from me to try and get a secret out of you. Guess we better just go to the kitchen and get ready for dinner. Your father will be home any minute. We're having spaghetti tonight, so you know you'll be getting a bath afterwards."

Cathleen acknowledged her mother with an "Uh huh."

Jenna then carried her daughter to the kitchen, both girls smiling complacently, sure they each had the upper hand in tonight’s battle of the bath.

By the time Shelly had been driving five minutes, Maggie had finally dusted the sleep off and her concerns were once again on Aunt Jenna's gift. Shelly could sense her little girl’s worried state, and if she hadn't, it was obvious that Maggie was upset by the frown on her face and the way she squirmed in the front seat.

Keeping one hand on the wheel she reached over and took Maggie's hand and gave her a quick glance as she spoke, "Baruchah honey, what's bothering you?"

In additional to being Baruchah’s first name it was also Maggie's middle name and it was the female Hebrew word for "blessing." To Shelly, her little girls had been blessings from the first day each had entered her life, and it was obvious to the young mother that at least one of her little blessings was troubled.

Maggie sighed and slumped in her seat before answering, "Tommorrow is Aunt Jenna's birfday and wes just founded out, and wes aint gots no prezzie for her! Mommy wes just gots to have a prezzie for Aunt Jenna, wes just gots too!"

The little girl was nearly in tears again. Shelly knew just how much her babies loved Jenna, and how important it was to the little ones to be able to show that in the form of a gift on Jenna's special day.

The young woman thought for a minute and then actually began to feel guilty. She hadn't thought about the girls wanting to have their own special present to give to Jenna. She was just going to have them sign the card that Shelly and her husband, Norman, were going to give her. If she hadn't been so busy with her latest novel, she would have realized that the girls would be crushed if they had no "personal" gift for their aunt.

Silenced filled the car, as Shelly thought and the girls sulked.

Finally the young woman smiled hopefully, "I know girls! Why don't you color a real pretty picture for Aunt Jenna. I know she would love that!"

Baruchah dropped her head and then shook it back and forth. "Can't mommy. Wes and Cathleen putted our crayons together and Bailey eated up da blue and da green ones, and sides Cathleen done already colored her somethin purdy so wes wanna do somethin else."

Shelly squeezed her daughter's hand and cooed softly. "Don't worry Baruchah. I'll try to help you think of something after we have dinner, okay girls?"

Baruchah and Maggie looked at their mommy and smiled weakily, "Otay mommy."

“K, mommy,” added Michelle who was almost awake.

A few minutes later, Shelly pulled into the driveway of the spacious Johnson home. The girls waited patiently as their mother came around to help them get unbuckled. Michelle was still young enough to still have a baby seat, and the twins still had car seats, like Cathleen, and they'd have to be Harriet Houdini to get out of those car straps without assistance.

Shelly opened the front door, unlocked her first baby, then went to the back and retrieved her other two before heading straight for her bedroom to get out of her pair of three inch high "Hell" shoes, while the three bounded down the hallway to their own bedrooms. Climbing up on their beds, they snuggled with their stuffed babies, and pondered more possible prezzies for Aunt Jenna. Ten minutes of pondering got them lots of consoling hugs from their stuffed babies, but not one idea for a prezzie. Aunt Jenna's birthday was tomorrow!

Suddenly Baru smiled impishly, 'Tommorrow,' she thought, 'Who knows more about tommorrows then their Auntie Prue, because her Auntie Prue lives in New Sealand where its always tomorrow.'

Actually, the children's Auntie Prue lived in New Zealand, but to the toddlers that translated into New Sealand, and while it wasn't really always tomorrow there, the kids weren't old enough to understand concepts like International Date Lines. Their Auntie Prue living in a land of permanent tomorrows just made better toddler sense.

Bouncing back off the bed, she grabbed Molly, her unicorn, and headed straight for the living room phone to dial for special auntie assistance. She was followed bu Maggie and Michelle. Baru wasn't too swift with numbers, especially as many as it would take to call her Auntie Prue, luckily for the toddler, Shelly had Prue's number programmed into the phone, and all Baru had to do was remember which button to push.

The little girl looked at the phone base, and shivered as she realized just how many buttons there were. She went to column she was sure her auntie’s phone number was in and started going down the list of buttons.

The first button has three P’s on it and she smiled as she remembered which one that was. That was her parent’s lawyers. She wasn’t sure exactly what lawyers did but the little girl was sure she never wanted to make them mad. Her mother had told her that these lawyers had some pretty potent magic and weren’t to be trifled with. Actually, the law firm of Pickle, Piper and Possible didn’t really have magic and were actually quite nice people, but when it came to business, this Jorsie law firm took no prisoners. Sides they’s Uncle Bill, Aunt Emma and Catlyn, aka Piper.

The second button had MD on it, and stood for Dr. Misty Dawn, the children’s pediatrician, and one of Shelly’s sisters. The kids absolutely adored the petite, young platinum blonde with big sky blue eyes. At first glance you might think this pixie sized practitioner was in need of a pediatrician herself, but in reality, she was wise beyond her years and one of the best in her field. The children, of course, fell for her the first time Shelly put each in Misty’s arm. At that point the little ones had even less command of the English language, and try as Maggie might she could never come close to saying the word, “pediatrician”. She was lucky to get much past the P, so in time she translated the doctors title into toddler and from that point Misty Dawn the pediatrician, became Misty da Pip! The girls were always glad to see her even if that did mean a shot in the bum, because the little ones always left with a cuddle and sucker from the doctor.

The third button was the princess button in Baruchah and Maggie’s eyes. It belonged to the lovely lady Cynthia, a beautiful young princess who held court in a magic kingdom known as La La Land. Maggie especially liked talking to the soft voiced princess and hoped someday they could come visit with her.

The fourth button was the prince button, and of course to the girls that made perfect sense, the prince should always be next to the princess. Prince Admiral Lynx was a handsome prince right out of Maggie’s fairy tale books. They often imagined him sailing his mighty ship, and galloping on his fiery steed as he went to save the princess, especially one of them. Baru smiled brightly, as she thought about the prince and princess who were beside each other on the phone and how she wished they was beside each other for real. She decided to ask her mommy about that later, but for now she was a toddler on a mission to find Auntie Prue.

She sighed, relieved, as the fifth button belonged to Auntie Prue, she was sure of it. She was very glad that she didn’t have to go past the fifth button, because whenever she had to count past the fingers on one hand, she didn’t do so good. Baru then lifted the receiver and pusher Prue’s button.

The twin held the phone to her ear and waited as the line rang. Six rings later, a soft voice answered the phone. Baru naturally assuming it was her Auntie Prue, started going full blast. "Auntie Prue, Auntie Prue, it's me Baru wid da Kitten! I loves you lots and I misses you and I gots a pwoblem and you just gotta helps me! Peas Auntie Prue, peas!"

The line was quiet for a second then the soft voice answered again. "Hi Baru. I'm sorry coz, but this isn't your Auntie Prue. It's Sara. Do you remember me from your last visit? We did some coloring together. Remember I'm your auntie's "illy-stater." Actually she was still a very talented artist, despite being age regressed to six, and illustrated many of Prue's stories as Prue was an accomplished author in her own right as famous as her sister, Shelly. The twins had met Sara on their last visit to New Zealand and the little ones couldn't master such a word as illustrator, so they called her an illy-stater, but as they and Sara became fast friends, the young girl of six with the adult sense of art convinced Baruchah and Maggie that she was really just a girl who likes to color and the toddlers even liked that idea better.

Baru paused and then started chatting again happily. "Hi Sara. It's me Baru wid da Kitten. Is you still coloring lots of stuff? I liked colorin wiff you cause its fun? Is my Auntie Prue dere or is she paying wiff her sheeps? If she's talkin to her moose, I don't wanna bodder her."

Sara reeled in the aftermath of the toddler tornado, and after a few seconds of silence, tried to sort out Baru's words, "Yeah, Baruchah, I'm still coloring pictures for mommy, and no she isn't playing with her sheep or talking to her moose."

Sara had to suppress a giggle at the word "moose". It was another one of those toddler tongue twisters. Prue had once told the twins that a "muse" would come to them and whisper stories in their ear. The little girls tried to say muse, but it always came out moose, and since they loved Bullwinkle the Moose from their cartoons, they rather fancied that idea that their award winning aunt got her stories from a cartoon moose.

Sara continued talking and told Baruchah that her auntie was in the other room and she would go and get her straight away.

Baru said her usual "otay", and then waited on the line.

A few seconds later she was greeted by another woman's soft voice. "Baruchah...hi honey! It's your Auntie Prue! It's very nice to hear from you. Is everything okay?"

The litte girl shouted excitedly. "Auntie Prue! Auntie Prue! I loves you lots and I misses you lots too. I was talking to Sara and we talked bout colorin and stuff and she said you weren't talkin to no mooses so I asked her if I could talks to you cause me an Maggie kinda gots a pwoblem."

Prue wondered just how big a problem her little nieces really had. A favorite toy becoming lost is the end of the world to a toddler, so there was no telling what was troubling these twins. Still, it had to be important to Baruchah and Maggie if no one else, and that's all Prue needed to know.

Prue spoke lovingly to her little niece, "Honey, you know your Auntie Prue will help if she can. Can I ask you a big question?"

Prue heard a soft, "Uh huh" in her ear.

"Baruchah, does your mommy know you're on the phone calling me right now?" gently asked the young woman.

She pretty much suspected the answer she got before the toddler even said it. "No, Auntie Prue, I don't wanna bodder her cause she is makin dinner, but if you wants me to I can goes and gets her."

Realizing the little imp had no concept of what it cost to call New Zealand and how upset Shelly would be that she did it without permission, she quickly told her not to bother her mother right now and decided to just press on to the problem, "Baruchah, why don't you just tell me what's bothering you and I'll see if I can help, okay?"

The little girl answered “otay,” before proceeded to tell her aunt about how Jenna's birthday was tomorrow and that they didn't know what to give her, and that they couldn't even color her a picture because they was short a few crayons. She finally added that since Prue lived in a tomorrow land, she would surely know what the perfect gift for Maggie to give to Aunt Jenna on her birthday, TOMORROW, would be. Actually it was perfect toddler logic, completely useless in the real world, but perfect in Maggie and Baruchah's.

The young woman sighed and tried to figure out what to say.

Finally that "moose" of hers gave her an inspiration, "Baruchah, I'm not sure exactly what you should give her, but I can tell you this. If it comes from your heart she's going to love it very much."

The line was silent for a few seconds and then a sad little girl spoke. "Auntie Prue, I wishes I had a moose just like you do and then it could give me purdy words to say to Aunt Jenna."

The young woman spoke softly and with love, "Oh little one, you do have your own ‘moose.’ You just don't know how to listen very well yet. The moose may come to your ear, but he's really speaking to your heart. And the best stories you can write, in fact the best any thing you can do, comes from your heart. That's why I tell you if you just give her something from the heart I know she will like it. Does that help, sweetie?"

Silence again for a few seconds and then the child’s voice returned. "I weally gots a moose like you do, weally?"

The young woman giggled but managed to get out a "yes.”

The little girl was obviously happier and her next question showed it. "Auntie Prue can I calls my moose, Bullwinkle cause he's my favorite moose, otay?"

Prue smiled and chuckled. "Yes, Baruchah, I think you can calls your ‘moose’ Bullwinkle, but Baru, honey, I have to go now and I don't think you should tell your mommy about this phone call. Why don't you let me tell her when I call her this weekend, that way it will be my special surprise, and remember let the gift come from the heart and Aunt Jenna will love it. And oh Baruchah, do you want to know what I got your Auntie Jenna for her birthday?”

The tiny toddler answered with an enthusiastic, “Yeah!”

The young woman laughed and told her what the present was and that she had to keep it a big girl secret. Maggie thought the gift was Prue perfect, and she solemnly promised to keep it a secret.

Baruchah then said she had better get going because she was going to be real busy with Aunt Jenna gifts so she sent a hug and kiss and lots of love for both her Auntie Prue and her new friend and cousin, Sara. She finished with another kiss and a goodbye before setting the phone down. It had been nice talking to Auntie Prue and Sara, but she still wasn't exactly sure what to get for their Aunt Jenna. It was time to go to plan B and seek out some sisterly assistance. With that thought in mind, the twins scampered down the hallway with Darla and Molly at their sides and Michelle running after them.

The first bedroom past the bathroom belonged to their older sisters, Amelia and Angela. The girls were eighteen-year-old twins, and being the oldest living at home, Baruchah annd Maggie were sure they could help them figure out what to give Aunt Jenna.

Seeing the bedroom door was ajar, Maggie peaked in and at first the room appeared to be empty. Then suddenly, a bright yellow blouse came flying out of the huge walk in closet. The silky shirt floated in the air for a moment, before falling into a small but growing pile in the center of the bedroom. Maggie took a step into the bedroom and another blouse flew out of the closet to join the yellow one. This time the toddler could hear a voice, and not a very happy one, coming from the depths of the walk in closet. Immediately she recognized it as Amelia.

Maggie and Baruchah walked over to a space near the pile of clothes and searched the closet for their sister that went with the unhappy voice. In the darkness of the closet, they could make out the bare foot and the jean clad leg of a teenager.

The toddlers waited a second to see if Amelia was going to emerge, and when she failed to arrive, Maggie decided to call her. "Ame..." shouted Maggie, but the little girl had barely said the first syllable when a flying pink dress attacked the tot and enveloped her.

Baruchah started to giggle but had to shout, “Hey!” when a baby blue dress covered her.

Amelia stormed out of the closet, fuming over her twin sister being a clothes horse, "Half this closet is SUPPOSED to be mine!" shouted the disgruntled teen.

Seeing two three foot tall statues standing in the middle of her room covered with the dresses she just tossed and the little one crawling across the rest broke the teen's tirade. She just had to laugh as she pulled her sister’s clothes off her little sisters who had gotten caught in the bedroom “snow” storm.

She quickly apologized to the little twins, and then started on about how she can't find anything because Angela hogs the closet. She hadn't gotten too far before she noticed her little sisters’ own look of frustration.

She knelt down and smiled at her younger siblings. "Hey shortcakes, what's got you down? Somebody borrow your crayons?"

"Shortcake" was the nickname Amelia had christened each of the little girls with, and it came as much from the twins’ legendary love of the dessert as it did their resemblance to Strawberry Shortcake, the popular children's doll.

Maggie sadly shook her head as she answered. "Nope, Bailey eated da green and da blue ones and now wes don’t know what to do!"

Amelia blinked her big doe eyes, and realized she had just walked into a toddler trap, and with her date coming in less than an hour she didn't have time for a "Kitten" tale, "Kitten" being yet another of Maggie's nicknames.

She then tried to get straight to the heart of the matter, "Shortcake, why don't you tell me what's wrong, okay?"

Maggie started talking and the tears started well. "Amelia, tomorrow is Aunt Jenna's birfday and wes aint gotted nuttin to gives her. Mommy says she'll helps us’es but she is so...busy wiff stuff. Can you helps us’es figur out somethin to gives to Aunt Jenna, peas?"

The lovely young lass gazed at the troubled toddler and then the clock.

She sighed and smiled weakily, "Maggie, I've got a date tonight and he's going to be here like WAY too soon. I really can't help you right now, but I promise I'll help you when I come back, honest I will, okay?"

Maggie dropped her head and answered lowly, "Wes be seepin by then. Wes is always seepin when you comes home."

Amelia pulled the saddened little sis into her arms and held her tightly. "I'm sorry Shortcake, it's just that Kerry asked me out and well...he's, he's..."

Maggie pulled back Amelia's embrace and sighed before finishing the sentence for her, "He's a boy!"

With that, Maggie turned and tucked Darla under her arm and headed for the door followed by her army. Amelia caught Baru before she had gotten two steps. Turning her around, she saw the tears leak from the toddler's eyes.

Reaching out a slender finger she wiped them away as she spoke. "Tell ya what shortcake. I'll make you a promise, a big sister promise. When I get home, I'll ask momma if you've gotten a gift for Aunt Jenna yet, and if you haven't, I'll get you all up and we'll drive over to the 24 hour Walmart and we won't leave until we finally find something, okay?"

The little girls’ faces brightened immediately, boys or no boys, Amelia would never break a big sister promise. They smiled and hugged their sister tightly. Amelia kissed them and then kissed Darla and Molly, the unicorns, which made the little girls giggle happily. Potential disaster adverted, Amelia gently shooed the little ones toward the bedroom door before turning her attentions to the special on tonight’s menu, Kerry!

The girls were running out the door when Amelia shouted to them. "Hey Shortcakes, Angela should be out of the shower by now, unless she's also going to be a shower hog today, why don't you ask her if she's got any ideas on what you should get Aunt Jenna."

The tiny tots smiled happily and responded with their trademark, "Otay!" and before heading to the bathroom.

Maggie stood at the door and listened, the light in the bathroom was peeking out from beneath the door, but the water wasn't running so she figured it was alright to knock on the door.

Maggie knocked and Angela's voice answered her. "I'm still in the shower Amelia. I got ten more minutes before its yours, you know the rules!"

Maggie gazed up toward the doorknob and shouted back. "Angela, it's not Amelia, it's me Maggie wif Baru an Michelle."

There was silence for a few seconds, and then the door slowly cracked open. The towel clad figure of a well built eighteen-year-old girl greeted the toddlers. She smiled down at the three musketeers and her voice was much softer this time. "Girls you need to come in and go potty?"

“Me diaper,” Michelle explained.

“You need your diaper changed?” Angela asked as she picked up and smelled her baby sister.

Then Maggie shook her head back and forth. "No Angela, wes gots a problem and wes don’t knows what to do."

The teen shook her towel clad head and sighed, "Girls, uhhh...I really am kinda busy right now. I've got a date tonight, and I'm already running late. If it can wait until tomorrow, I can help you in the morning before I go to work at the Kamp."

Maggie returned her sigh and said, "Dat's otay Angela. Wes'll figure it out."

Angela watched the little one turn and start to shuffle off. "Girls, why don't you go ask Amelia?"

Maggie smiled sadly, "Wes did, and she tolded me to asks you."

The towel clad teen stepped into the hallway and reached for the toddlers, drawing them in for a quick cuddle and another big sister promise, " Baru, Maggs, whatever the problem is, I promise we’ll figure it out tomorrow. If you want, I'll give you a ride over to Aunt Jenna's in the morning and we can talk about it then, okay?"

The three smiled and cuddled with their sister and once again gave her their trademark, "Otay."

The toweled teen stepped back into the bathroom, and tried to make the most of her five minutes she had remaining.

Maggie leaned against the wall and hugged Darla as she talked to her sisters, "Well" she told them. "Wes still don’t knows whats to gets Aunt Jenna but wes gots two big sister promises to helps us’es."

Toddlers are impatient by nature, and if the girls couldn't wait until after dinner for their mother's help, they could hardly sit still until Amelia came home or tomorrow morning for Angela. With the unicorns tucked under their arms, they headed down the hallway to the next bedroom in search of answers.

The bedroom at the end of the hall was the biggest in the house, and it needed to be as it housed three more teen aged girls. Ally and Elsa, sixteen, were visiting Andrea, fourteen, and her twin sisters, Isabel and Stephanie who were right behind her at thirteen.

Maggie heard the music from the stereo playing long before she got to the doorway, so she knew at least one of them was home. When she got there she was pleased to find all five sisters in the house. Steffi was adjusting the sound on the stereo and moving in sync to the hip hop beat. Ally lay crashed on her sister, Issy’s bed, sipping a soda and flipping through Tiger Beat magazine. Elsa was sitting at the vanity brushing out her long locks and softly singing along with Steffi's tune while Issy and Andrea were dancing to the beat.

Even though the door was open, Maggie knew better than to walk into the room without knocking. She rapped lightly on the wood, and then took a tentative step in. The five teen divas turned, and greeted their little sister with a smile. Maggie sighed with relief as she entered the room and brought her troop with her. Teenagers could be awful moody sometimes so they was definitely delighted to see the five happy faces.

Ally dropped her centerfold shot of the latest teen heartthrob and turned her attention to the toddlers at the door. Maggie took a step toward Ally's bed, as the sixteen-year-old was the closest sister to her. The long lean beauty, smiled and offered Maggie an invite as she patted the spot next to her on the soft quilted bed. "Hey Kitten, come give your big sister a cuddle!"

Elsa and Isabel stopped dancing to the music as soon as they saw Ally rocking the small child in her arms as Steffi pulled herself away from the mirror. The four other teens plopped down on their beds and gave Ally a questioning glance before turning their attention to Maggie.

“That’s a good idea, Baru,” Andrea suggested as she and Isabel pulled the imp up onto Issy’s bed and into their embraces.

Stephanie grabbed the third toddler and gave her a hug as she put that imp on her bed.

Maggie and Baruchah sat their beloved unicorns on the bed, and then Maggie tried to climb up herself. Her big sisters' beds were for bigger girls and not toddler friendly. She jumped twice trying to make the ascent, but failed both times. A third effort almost made it, but the quilt betrayed her and she fell to floor landing hard on her bum.

Ally had tried to grab for her but missed, and then winced when she saw her little sister hit the floor with a thud. The young beauty quickly swung her legs off the bed and reached down for the fallen child. With little effort, she hoisted the lightweight up into her arms and cuddled her tightly, and finally the pair eased back on to the bed.

"Owwww...Kitten, that HAD to hurt! Are you gonna be okay?" softly cooed the young teen as she rocked her little sister in her arms.

Maggie nodded as she nuzzled against her big sister's shoulder and then answered bravely, "Uh huh, I is otay Pippa. I falls on my bum lots. It no hurts."

Pippa was Maggie's nickname for Ally. Ally had told her that when she was a little girl about Maggie's age, she had an imaginary friend who was a beautiful princess, and she used to call her Pippa, because it was an easier word for a small child to say than princess. After that, Maggie started calling Ally, Pippa, because in her eyes, her big sister really was a princess, and besides, Pippa was such a fun word to say that Maggie couldn't help but smile every time she said it.

Ally smiled as she shook her head at the imp, and then playfully ran her fingers through the child’s long curly locks.

Steffi tapped the little girl on the shoulder and smiled lovingly, "Hey Kitten, what's up with you. Tough day on the swing set over at Aunt Jenna's?"

The older sister knew how to get a smile out of her smaller one, and the tiny tease worked its usual magic, as Maggie smiled at her and giggled slightly. "No Steffi, I felled off Pippa's bed, but I is otay. I gots a good hard bum. Mommy said so before."

That remark made Maggie's older sister's join her in a few little girl giggles.

A few seconds after the giggles subsided, Maggie felt two arms slipping beneath hers and pulling her away from Ally. Even before those arms turned the little girl to face their owner, she knew who they belonged to.

Elsa greeted her with a smile and then pulled the toddler in close and rocked her back and forth like a baby doll. "Kitten...I can tell something's bothering you girls beside your busted bum. I can see it in those big green eyes of yours. Now are you going to tell your big sisters willingly, or..." The long haired beauty smiled devilishly as she paused for effect. "or...are we gonna have to tickle it out of you!?"

Maggie's eyes grew wide and she opened her mouth to speak, but Elsa never gave her a chance as she started tickling her little sister, and the other four joined in quickly on the rugrats. In seconds, all eight girls were rolling and bouncing on the beds, giggling and tickling and having the kind of fun only little girls with their big sisters can have.

The fun finally ended when Steffi hit the floor. She got up slowly, wincing a bit and rubbing her bum. Ally laughed at her, and told her she would be alright as she had a good hard bum just like Maggie did. That remark netted Ally a pillow in the face. A few flying pillows later, the eight girls finally settled back down on Ally's bed.

Ally took Maggie's hand in hers, and smiled lovingly. "Okay lil sis’s, spill it. Something is bothering you, and we can't help if you don't tell us."

Baru and Maggie frowned and sighed.

"Tomorrow is Aunt Jenna's birfday and I don't gots nuttin to gives her, and I bets everybody else gots somethin for her cept us’es," explained Maggie.

Elsa smiled hopefully and gently laid a hand on Maggie's knee. "Hey Kitten, why don't you girls color her something. I've checked out some of your artwork on mom's refridgerator. You're pretty good for your age. I know Aunt Jenna would love that."

Baru shook her head, tired of explaining this too many times, "Can't Elsa. Bailey eated our bestest cwayons, and sides...Cathleen colored her purdy stuff and wes wanna be diffrent!"

Steffi tapped her fingers on the bed and looked at Michelle before offering her suggestion, "Why don't you go ask Mom what to do? I'm sure she can think of something. That's one of those things that moms are just kinda naturally real good at. You know...like baking brownies, and making hurts go away and stuff like that."

Maggie shrugged her shoulders and answered with little enthusiasm. "Done already did dat. Mommy said she help us’es later, but I don't wanna wait till later, cause sometime she gets all busy. I wanna do somethin now!"

Ally pulled the little one back into her arms, and comforted the frustrated child. She knew that patience was something toddlers had in short supply and she could also see how important this was for her little sister.

Andrea sighed, and then thinking out loud more than anything else, made a casual comment, "Well...I wish Auntie Prue was here. She's got such a great imagination. I'm sure if any one could think of something for you to give Aunt Jenna, she could."

Much to her five sisters’ surprise, Baruchah shook her head and responded again. "I done called Auntie Prue, and she telled me to listen to my heart and da moose."

Ally and Elsa shouted in unison. "You called Auntie Prue!?”

“Does Mom know you've been on the phone to New Zealand!?" asked Isabel.

The teens didn't realize that toddler's don't think about things like how much the phone charges to "Tomorrow Land" are, or why their mother would mind. In Baru's mind, she wanted to talk to Auntie Prue, she knew how to do it, and she did.

She then answered her sister with little enthusiasm, "Yeah, I called her when we gots home, and I didn't ask mommy cause she was busy."

Ally and Elsa blew out a sigh, as they knew that Baruchah didn't need to get a scolding about making long distance calls, since she was already upset enough anyway. At least that crisis could wait until the phone bill came in.

Steffi had been strangely quiet and then finally asked the obvious question. "I don't get it. What's a moose got to do with Aunt Jenna's gift?"

Maggie opened her mouth to answer, but Elsa realized that this had all the makings of a long Kitten tale, so she cut the little cutie off at the pass, "Maggs, you can tell Steffi about the ‘moose’ later. We need to stay focused on helping you find a gift for Aunt Jenna, okay?"

“Buts dis is important!”

“I know, but Aunt Jenna is more important.”

Maggie blinked her eyes a few time, filing the moose story away for later, and then smiled as she said, "Otay."

Elsa, then started the ball rolling. "Okay, you've talked with Cathleen, Mom, and Auntie Prue."

Baruchah nodded and then quickly added, "Wes talked to Amelia and Angela too, but they is too busy to help right now."

Issy giggled, "Amelia's busy all right, busy trying to catch Kerry Kirkwood! He's a doll baby."

Steffi knodded knowingly. "You got that right! He's a nineteen-year-old Brad Pitt in a college football uniform."

Baru rolled her eyes and squirmed in Elsa's lap. Finally the toddler could take no more, and stuck out her tongue in disgust. "Boy's...YUCK! Cathleen says they should all be turned into froggies!"

That thought brought a small grin back to the little girls face. Elsa nodded her agreement. "You tell 'em Kitten. Who needs boys anyway?"

Ally shot her an evil grin, "I'll remember that sis when I see James Sharpson in English class this fall. I'm sure he'll like to hear that."

Elsa gave her an icy stare and shook her head as to say, that this isn't the time or place for a discussion on high school hunks. They needed to stay focused on their little sister's problem.

None of the little ones caught any of the silent exchange.

Baruchah continued on with her tale. "Amelia said she would helps us’es later too, but wes be seepin then, and...and...then wes asked Angela, but she was in da bafroom and she was too busy too!"

Steffi nodded, and smiled. "Yepers, her "busy" this week is Kenny Bradley and those big dark eyes of his."

Andrea, the quiet one, smiled dreamily for a second, and then shook her head to clear the hormone induced fantasy from her mind, and get back to the matter at hand, "Okay Kitten, then...it's up to us to help you and I'm sure we can come up with something."

Elsa still holding Maggie in her lap, snapped the fingers on her free hand and smiled enthusiastically, "First of all we need to think of what everybody else is getting Aunt Jenna, so Maggie doesn't give her the same thing!"

Steffi and Ally nodded, as Elsa began listing the known gifts. "Okay, Mom and Dad and are giving Aunt Jenna and Uncle Richard a weekend getaway at some cottage up in the mountains. I heard them talking about it. You know one of those romantic things!"

The five older girls smiled knowingly, while the toddlers just sighed impatiently.

"Angela and Amelia went in together and got Aunt Jenna some of that real expensive perfume from Channel she likes. Amelia told me about that last week…" Ally added as she made her contribution.

Steffi, jumped off the bed and ran to the closet, returning quickly with a huge unwrapped gift box. Lifting the lid off, she revealed a beautiful long skirt and blouse with a slip, panties and bra to match.

Smiling proudly she pushed the box toward Maggie, "And this is what we all got for Aunt Jenna. It was half off at Nordstrom, and we know Aunt Jenna will like it cause she almost bought the skirt and blouse before they went on sale."

Maggie ran her fingers across the silky material and smiled sadly. "It's soft and purdy Steffi. It's weally nice, a whole lot bedder than anyting I gonna give ta Aunt Jenna."

The sad eyed girl looked up at Ally. "Pippa, I ain’t hardly never gived no gifts before. Just to udder kids at birfday pardies and mommy always gotted them for us’es, but wes wanna give Aunt Jenna somethin special, somethin special from me, but...but...wes don't know hows to do it."

Elsa hugged her sister tightly as the others joined them in a sisters group hug.

After they finally broke the embrace, Ally got to work. "Okay...so you wanna know how to get somebody a gift. Well...when I give someone a gift, sometimes I try to give something they like a lot. You know, things they like to collect and stuff. My friend Mariah Joyce is crazy about Star Trek Next Generation, so for her birthday I gave her a set of a Star Trek NG bubble gum cards."

Baru frowned as she thought, and then shook her head. "I don't think Aunt Jenna likes bubble gum cards a whole lots."

Ally smiled and shook her head, "No, Imp, you're missing the point. What I mean is try to think of something Aunt Jenna likes, maybe something she likes to collect, okay?"

This time the teen's advice got through to the tiny toddler and she smiled in acknowledgement. "Otay Pippa, I think I unnerstand."

Steffi then added her thoughts, "Well, I try to give people something they can really use, or they need real bad. You know, kinda like when Mom buys all the tools for Dad every Chanukah. She does that cause he can use them to fix all the stuff that's broke around the house."

Isabel smiled and then chuckled as she spoke, "Yeah, trouble is after Dad get's done trying to fix it, then Mom's got to call the repair guy to fix what Dad broke trying to fix it!"

Even the little ones got that one and all eight girls erupted into full scale giggles as they thought of their father and his failed "fix-it" efforts.

Steffi finally stopped laughing long enough to finish her thought, "Girls, what I am trying to say, try to think of something that Aunt Jenna could really use, or that she needs real bad, and I think that would be a great gift!"

The toddlers nodded and added it to their list of gift requirements.

Elsa then made her contribution, "When I give a gift, I try to think of what that person would love to have more than anything else. I might not be able to give it to them, but maybe I can get them something close."

Elsa stroked Baru's locks and searched the little one's eyes for any look of recognition. "That make sense to you, Imp?"

Baru nodded and then hugged her sister tightly. "Uh huh, I unnerstand."

The little girl then looked from sister to sister and restated in toddler terms their suggestions. "I gotta get her somethin she likes to have lots of kinda likes bubble gum cards, or somethin she needs lots like Daddy needs his tools, or somethin she loves a whole lot, kinda like Aunt Jenna loves Cathleen and us kids."

Baru's mouth flew open and her eyes grew wide with excitement. She had figured it out. She knew exactly what to get Aunt Jenna now. It was obvious, even to a five-year-old.

The sisters saw the excited look on the child's face and Steffi quickly took her hand, "What is it Kitten? You figure out what your gettin Aunt Jenna?"

Baru looked from sister to sister and nodded proudly. She knew they would be impressed with her discovery.

"Uh huh, Wes gonna get Aunt Jenna somethin she loves more than anything! Wes gonna get her another kid!"

As Baru paused, Maggie gave a second inspiration, "And not just a toddler like me and Cathleen, Wes gonna gets her a baby so she can have a bran new prezzie that ain't no udder mommy never had! Yepers, I bet she's gonna be surprised!"

Ally giggled slightly, "If you can give Aunt Jenna a baby, she wouldn't be the only one who would be surprised!"

Elsa turned the happy little imp to face, "Uh Baru, I don't think is such a good idea."

Baru stared at her sister as if she's just crushed her heart, "But Elsa, you tolded me I should get Aunt Jenna somethin she loves and she loves kids more than anyting cause she's a mommy! Why can't I gets her a baby Elsa? Don't you knows where you gets babies at?"

The young teen's face went crimson. This wasn't the time and she wasn't the person to tell her little sister about where babies come from. She looked pleadingly from sister to sister, searching for one of them to bail her out.

Andrea tried to come to the rescue with a baby tale made for a toddler, "Kitten, it costs an awful lot to get a baby at the baby store. I don't think you have that much money."

Maggie sat up straight and smiled proudly again, "Oh I gots lots of money in my Eyore bank. I saves all my birfday money, and toof fairy money, and all da pennies I find. I gots my big ol Eyore almost all filled up!"

“An my bank’s as heavy as Maggie’s,” added Baru.

Ally gave Andrea a stern look for telling the little ones such a tale, but in for a penny meant in for a pound, so she tried to work with story her sister had started, "Kitten, I'm not sure where the nearest 'Baby Store' is. I wouldn't even know where to look to find one."

That slowed the toddler train down a bit, but certainly didn't derail it, as Maggie's face lit up again. "Dat's otay Pippa! I knows where ta look! I bet there's a baby store in da mall, cause da mall's got everthin in it. I'm gonna go ask Mommy to takes us’es to the baby store in da mall right now!"

Ally started to protest, but the excited Kitten bounced off her lap and hit the bedroom floor running. She was followed by Baruchah and Michelle. Elsa reached for Baru as the two other girls shouted but the three imps were already out the door and halfway down the hall shouting, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!"

Elsa gave Ally an icy stare. "Nice work sis, what's Mom gonna say when she hears this one."

Ally threw up her arms and returned her sister's scowl. "Hey don't look at me. I'm not the genuis who thought up a baby store."

Both girls then turned and stared at Andrea who was slowly backing away from the bedside.

She swallowed hard as she spoke meekly, "I was only trying to help."

Maggie nearly wiped out on the hard wood hallway as she tried to make the turn into the kitchen. Shelly was sturring a pot on the stove when she heard what sounded like a heard of toddlers size buffalos clammering down the hallway.

The three different voices shouting, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" told her it was but three toddler buffalos, Miriam, Maggie and Baruchah, her younger blessings.

Maggie slid by the open kitchen door for a second before finally getting the brakes to hold and then came flying in and hugged her mother's legs tightly. Before Shelly knew it there were three pairs of hands around her legs.

Shelly put down her ladle, and pulled the small children from her legs sat down and placed them on her lap for quick inspection. Seeing no tears, bumps or bruises, she inquired what all the commotion was over. Noticing the wide smile on the children's faces releived her slightly as she was pretty sure it was a good thing.

Maggie took a deep breath and then started the ball rolling, "Mommy Mommy, guess what? Guess what? It was Baru’s idea, buts I’s fixered it!"

Shelly started to guess, but the Kitten Express was already at full steam and never gave her the chance.

Wes I knows what wes gonna give Aunt Jenna for her birfday!” Baru continued, “I asked Auntie Prue and she tolded me to listen to my heart and da moose, and den Amelia said she would helps us’es latter, and dat's what Angela saided too, cause they is busy wiff boys an stuff and den wes went to Andrea, Elsa and Steffi's room and Maggie felled down when wes comed in dere but hers not hurted none, and...and...wes tolded dem wes didn't knows what to gets Aunt Jenna, and...and then Elsa tolded me I should get her somethin she loves lots and...den I knowed what's to get her. Steffi said it would costs us’es too much but wes gots money and Ally said she didn't know where da store is, but I bets they gots one in da mall. So will you takes us’es to da mall mommy, peas! purdy peas!"

Shelly just stared at her little blessing, wondering how so many words could come out of someone so tiny, all without a breath in the middle. Fortunately for Baru, her phone call to Prue blew past her mother in the Kitten tale, as Shelly just focused on trying to find out exactly what this mystery gift was.

The young woman did her best to slow down the runaway toddler trains, "Okay Baruchah, calm down", gently cooed the loving mother. "Why don't you tell me exactly what you want to get Aunt Jenna and then we'll see if we need to go to the mall or not."

Baru puffed out her chest proudly, "Wes is gonna get Aunt Jenna a weal baby at the Baby Store, cause she loves kids more dan anyting!"

Maggie stopped Baru for a moment as a troubling thought crossed her mind, and then she shared it with her mother, "Oh, I tinks wes bedder gets her a girl baby cause Cathleen might want you to turns it into a froggie if wes gets her a boy one."

Shelly's hazel eyes grew wide and she was nearly speechless. Realizing it might take some mommy magic to undo the damage the big sister magic must have done, she reached into her mind for the best way to end the babies’ misconception, yet not tell too much in the process.

Baru and Maggie were still smiling, and asked again if she would take them to the Baby Store in the mall.

Shelly sighed and then tried to choose her words carefully, a bit miffed she was about to have a discussion with her little one that neither one was really ready for.

She started gently, "Baruchah...who told you about the Baby Store?"

Maggie smiled innocently, "Andrea did Mommy. She saided babies costs lots but I gots monies in my Eyore bank, and and Baru habs same in hers bank. Den Ally said she didn't knows where da Baby Store was, and den I tolded her I bet ones in da mall and then I tolded them I was gonna asks you to takes us’es. So, Mommy, NOW can we go looks for da baby store, peas?"

Shelly cuddled her babies tightly and began, "Baruchah, you really think that mommy and daddy's get their babies from a Baby Store?"

The toddler nodded her agreement and then added, "Uh huh Mommy, I didn't know for sure, but I kinda thoughted you get babies in a store, cause I knows you gots to cook em before you gets to have dem."

Shelly hazel eyes were ablaze as she spoke angrily, "And which one of those young witches told you that you have to "cook" babies first?"

A tiny finger poked Shelly in her chest, "You did Mommy. I heared you and Aunt Jenna talking one day and Aunt Jenna saided she wanted Aunt Janet to have a baby, and you saided you it would bes good if she habs one in her oven."

Shelly didn't know whether to laugh or cry when she found out the young witch was actually the oldest witch living in the house. The three little girls stared at her waiting for an explanation, and Shelly was desperately searching to find a suitable one when Norman, Maggie's father entered the kitchen from the back door.

He smiled as he walked over, and knelt down to give his wife and daughters each a kiss. Seeing the strained look on his wife's countenance he lightly jested, "Hmmm....must be having a GIRL talk, huh?"

Shelly turned and shot him her best Evil Witch smile, "As a matter of fact, Norman, we are. I'm trying to explain to Maggie about where babies come from, but you're MORE than welcome to join in."

The handsome man's face went ashen, as he began a hasty retreat, "Uh...uh...that reminds me. I've ummm...ummm... got to check the oil and transmission fluid in the Blazer. Yep, better get on that right now...sure don't want to take any chances. Well...ummm...I'll be back later, might take awhile you know."

By the time he'd finished the sentence he was closing the back door behind him.

Shelly laughed and then hollered, "Come back her Norman Johnson! You COWARD!"

Actually Shelly was glad he wasn't there, it was going to be tough enough to get through this comforting the kids, let alone him.

Once again she started, "Girls, I think you misunderstood a little. Mommies don’t cook their babies in real ovens. When babies is real small, they live in their mommy's belly's, cause its real warm in there, kinda like an oven, okay?"

Maggie nodded and blew out a breath. "Mommy I is glad you don't put babies in da oven, cause if you had a baby in da oven then you couldn't fixes us’es no fozen pizzas or cookies cause da baby would be in dere."

Shelly held back a giggle and then commended her daughter on making a good point.

"One down and too many more to go," thought the young mother as she continued, "Now that you know that babies don't get cooked in real ovens, but are kept in their mommy's belly, you also need to know that we don't buy babies at a Baby Store either."

Baruchah, Maggie and Michelle were obviously disappointed as they felt their perfect gift for Aunt Jenna was slipping away.

Baruchah whined, "But Mommy, if you don't gets da baby at da baby store then where does da baby come from dats in da mommy's belly?"

Shelly hugged her little ones close and spoke gently, "Girls, babies come from Heaven, and they are a gift from G_d to a man and a woman when they fall in love and get married. And, if this man and woman are very lucky sometimes they get several gifts from G_d."

Maggie smiled happily. "You gots weal lucky didn't you mommy cause you gots a whole bunch of gifts!"

The young mother felt tears welling in her eyes and pulled the imp even closer. "Yes baby, I've been very lucky."

Maggie cuddled for awhile before curiosity got the better of the kitten, "Mommy, if G_d gives you da baby, how does he puts it in your belly. He don't makes you eats it do he?"

Shelly comforted the suddenly frightened child. "No baby, I didn't eat you or any of your sisters either, okay?"

The children nodded and relaxed a bit.

"Getting the baby into mommy is part of your father's responsibility. He kind of helps put the baby in me you might say."

Shelly blew out a breath and felt a slight sweat start to break. This was getting a little too close for comfort.

Baru looked up and down at Shelly and then lifted her head to look out the kitchen window where she knew her daddy was playing with his car, and then smiled brightly, "I unnerstand Mommy! Daddy uses his tools he gots and dats how he gets da baby into your belly."

It was all Shelly could do to hold back the laugh this time. She still chuckled lightly at her daughter's discription.

"Yes Baruchah, for want of a better explanation. Let's just say that Daddy's got the tools to get the job done and leave it at that, okay?"

Baru then smiled and started again, "Mommy how comes da baby is in da mommy's belly keeping warm? How come Daddy don't keeps it in his belly? Can you use Daddy's tools to put da baby in him?"

Shelly got an evil gleam in her eye and whispered just outside Maggie's hearing. "Trust me, I'd like him to carry the next one just for awhile. It'd do him good to feel like a beached whale in the July heat."

Her picture of a pregnant Norman faded as Maggie tugged at her blouse. "Mommy, why don't daddy's get no babies in da belly?"

Shelly smiled and kissed her Kitten. "Cause it doesn't work that way Baruchah, and don't ask why. Trust me, when it's your time to become a mommy, you're not going to want anyone else to carry that baby but you, okay?"

The child cuddled close and answered as usual, "Otay."

Shelly relaxed a little and then rocked her quiet children, relieved this mother/daughter conversation went reasonably well, even if it had came a little sooner than expected.

Maggie lifted her head off her mother's chest and sighed sadly, "But Mommy, if wes can't gets Aunt Jenna a baby for her prezzie, then I don’t knows whats to get her. Wes is wight back where wes started!"

Shelly hugged her kids tightly and then set them to the floor.

Smiling, she lifted the children's fallen chins, "Don't worry little ones. You kids may not be getting your Aunt Jenna a baby for her present, but you are going to the mall, and your five sisters who told you about the baby store are going with you and they are going to help you find a gift. How does that sound?"

The toddlers were all smiles once again, and hugged their mommy tightly.

Shelly held them for a bit, and then gave each a playful swat on the bum and told them to go to her room and change clothes for a mall hop. They would be leaving in a few minutes.

The girls nodded and ran to the kitchen door.

Baru started out and then stopped to look back at her mother, "Mommy, I know wes can't get Aunt Jenna no baby but I sure wish wes could cause I know she woulda been weal happy."

Shelly quickly crossed the short distance between her daughter and her and knelt down to Kitten level.

Whispering in her ear she smiled. "Baru, this is kind of a secret, but...Cathleen is going to be spending next weekend with us, because...Uncle Richard and Aunt Jenna are going away for a weekend and I think your uncle is going to be working real hard at trying to get a baby into your Aunt Jenna."

Baru smiled happily and then asked the logical question. "Mommy, does Uncle Richard got da tools to does dat?"

Shelly held that laugh again, and simply answered with all that she dare say, "Yes Baruchah, he does, and remember this is kind of a secret, so don't tell anyone okay?"

“Will daddy habta lend uncle Richard any of hims tools?

“No, I don’t think so.”

The tiny toddler nodded and promised solemnly, as she turned and ran to her bedroom. Shelly shook her head and smiled lovingly before her thoughts turned to the planned romantic getaway for Richard and her sister.

‘He better not!’ she thought.

Smiling devilishly, her thoughts finally became spoken words. "And from what Jenna says, Richard really knows how to use those tools."

The young woman laughed naughtily, and then got back to more appropriate mommy thoughts. She walked to the hallway and called out, "Ally, Elsa, Andrea, Isabel, Steffi! I need to see you five in the kitchen, NOW!"

Shelly walked back to the kitchen table and took her seat, a few seconds later, five rather sheepish looking teens entered the kitchen. Shelly gave them a stern gaze as she went from face to face. The girls shifted nervously, and after waiting to hear the pin drop.

Shelly finally dropped it, "Well...someone want to tell me about the Baby Store?"

After about ten seconds of silence, all five girls began talking at once until Shelly raised a hand and it was quiet again. Looking at Andrea, she nodded.

The teen started pleading her case. "But...But Mom, it's not what you think."

Shelly smiled evilly, "BUT, hmmmm...now that's an interesting choice of words isn't it."

The five girls instinctively felt their backsides get a little warmer and they swallowed hard.

Shelly had never spanked them and had no intention of doing it now, but the implied threat got her kids immediate intention, as Steffi went on, "Mom...we weren't trying to talk to Maggie about babies, she just all confused, and then we kinda got confused and we didn't know what to say."

Elsa poked her younger sibling in the arm. "Hey...don't rope me into this. I'm not the one who came up with the local Baby Store, that was your BABY, Andrea!"

“Andrea, of all people, YOU had to be my Achelies heel?”

Elsa then raised an accussing finger in Ally's direction. "And you didn't help either Ally, you're the one who told her the Baby Store was in the mall!"

Ally pushed Steffi aside and was quickly up in Elsa's face, "Did NOT! I never said that, and besides you started the whole thing anyway!"

Elsa answered with a loud, "Did NOT!" of her own, and before this became one of those "Did not,” “Did too" shouting matches, Shelly put a quick stop to all the bickering.

"Girls! That's enough! I don't care who started it, but I've finished it and your little sisters have an understanding about babies now, at least as much as they need to know for the moment."

Shelly looked from face to embarrassed face as the five girls said in unison, "Were sorry Mom."

Shelly stood up and opened her arms and the five girls ran into them for a group hug. Everyone felt a little better and then it was time for mother to levy the punishment.

"Girls, I know you didn't mean to do anything wrong. I know you love your little sisters very much and that's why I am sure you "fab five" will be willing to help the “Three Musketeers” find a suitable gift for their Aunt Jenna at the mall tonight."

The five girls slumped slightly and sighed. An evening at the mall with the rugrats was not the way any of them had planned on spending a Thursday night, but they knew how much this meant to the toddlers, and they sure didn't want to get into Mom's dog house going into the weekend, so they each reluctantly agreed. Shelly told them they had fifteen minutes to be ready. When the girls groaned about that not being enough time, she quickly reminded them this was a shopping mission, not a boy hunt, and to dress accordingly.

Ten minutes later the girls had yet to return, but Shelly did hear strange shuffling sounds in the hallway accompanied by groans, grunts and toddler huffs and puffs. The young mother went to the doorway and was greeted by the sight of her little blessings trying to push two huge plastic banks down the polished wood floor. Each bank was probably a few inches taller than they were, and a whole lot heavier. Michelle in her little way was trying to help both. Shelly had to laugh, and then went into the hallway and collected her little imps. Leaving the coin laden banks behind, she carried Michelle, Maggie and Baruchah into the kitchen, and over to her purse on the counter.

Pulling out a two tens, she handed it to Baruchah and Maggie and a single to Michelle.

"Girls, I think you should leave your money in the banks, and I'll give you some money. I think twenty dollars should be more than enough. I'll just square it with the tooth fairy and we'll call it a loan on future teeth you lose okay?"

Baruchah and Maggie nodded and stared wide eyed at the two ten dollar bills in their hands. "Wow Mommy, twenty whole dollars. Wes is gonna have to lose all ours teefers a couple times to pay back da toof fairy for dis."

Shelly laughed and held her babies close. "Don't worry little ones. Your father and I'll work it out."

The young mother was still holding her babies as her five young teens walked in, smartly dressed and smiling.

"Were ready Mom," they said in unison.

Shelly transferred Maggie into Ally's arms, and the young teen winked at her little sister. "Maggie be prepared to be taught the finer art of da Mall Hop! You are in great hands, literally!"

Baru went to Steffie and Andrea retrieved Michelle. Everyone laughed at the bad joke, including the little girls as they cuddled in their sisters’ arms.

"Otay Pippa, I is weady!" Maggie announced.

Shelly quickly surveyed her mall rats and then came up to the rugrats and gently poked her fingers into the center of each of the little ones’ chests, "You be very good at the mall, and don't let go of hands. And, I know you really want to get something special for your Aunt Jenna, and I'm sure you will. Just let your hearts lead you, my babies and they'll take you right there, okay?"

The five-year-olds smiled, promised to be good and of course finished their sentences, as usual, with, "otay".

Shelly then went to the counter and grabbed her purse.

Pulling out the car keys, before taking out three twenties and handing them to Elsa with instructions, "Since you five will be missing dinner tonight, here's food money! I'm sure the rugrats will want pizza, they always do. Now, your father and I are taking off for a bit tonight so I want you to call your Aunt Janet and have her pick you up from the mall when your done. We live ten minutes from there, and I'll let her know to expect your call. If for some reason you can't reach her, call me on my cell, and your father and I will come get you. Have it wrapped, and make sure you get a card."

The young woman looked from face to face as she finished, "Any questions?"

The eight shook their heads no, and the momma hen then herded her chicks toward the door. Twenty minutes later, Shelly was pulling into the crowded mall parking lot. The five teens got out followed by Maggie, Baruchah and Michelle with a little help from Elsa. Shelly motioned Elsa over, and then had her lean each of the little girls toward her window.

The young mother smiled at her babies and then pointed a finger at the twin's chests, "Baruchah and Baruchah, remember what I said, trust your heart, girls, and it will lead you to Aunt Jenna's gift, okay?"

Baruchah and Maggie nodded and leaned forward a little further so they could get her good-bye kisses. Elsa finally pulled Maggie back and then along with Steffi, who held Baruchah and Andrea who had Michelle started heading toward the mall entrance. Ally held back a second then smiled at her mother.

"Mom, don't worry. We'll help her find something nice for Aunt Jenna, I promise. Oh, and Mom, I'm glad you didn't get all upset about Baruchah getting on the phone and calling Auntie Prue all the way to New Zealand. As much as that's gotta cost, I thought you would have a cow for sure."

Shelly's eyes grew wide at Ally's words, and the young girl realized she put her foot it in this time.

Shelly gave her a stern look, "What do you mean Baruchah called your Aunt Prue?"

Ally was already backing up and searching for escape. "Uh Mom, I gotta catch up with the girls. I know you don't want us to get seperated. Have a nice time with Dad tonight. Bye!"

The young girl turned and headed off at a jog. Shelly shouted, "Ally!" but then just shook her head and laughed. Realizing she would get the rest of the story later, she always did, the young woman put the minivan into gear and headed for home.

‘Besides it is only a calf,’ Shelly thought.

Baru, Michelle, Issy, Andrea, Elsa, Maggie and Steffi were waiting at the entrance to Parisian's as Ally came jogging up.

Steffi gave her sister a questioning glance, "What's up with you?"

Ally shook her head as she caught her breath. "Never mind, let's just do da mall girls!"

The girls cruised through Parisians, and then into the center of the mall. Elsa had passed Maggie to Isabel, and the five older sisters were forming a battle plan.

Ally ran her finger up and down the store map, as the other four followed it closely. The teens were debating on where to start the search when Maggie finally added her toddler two cents worth. "I is hungry. Can we eats furst. I want pizza!"

“Me too,” added Baruchah.

“I’s two.” Michelle reminded her slightly older sibling. “Yous five.”

The five older sisters looked at each and nodded their heads in agreement.

Elsa smiled and winked at Maggie, "Good choice Kitten. Never mall hop on an empty stomach. First we eat, then we shop!"

The girls made their way over to the food court. They went from booth to booth each getting their favorites. By the time they sat down they had hamburgers, chicken, tacos and of course the rugrats’ pizza.

The eight girls began eating and continuing their debate on where to start the search. The rugrats grinned, wearing mozarella cheese and tomato sauce for make-up. Steffi looked over at her sisters and laughed. Elsa reached across the table and wiped the mess off Maggie's face that the little toddler had worked so hard to create. Issy took care of Baru as Andrea tried the lost cause known as Michelle.

Maggie swallowed a bite and looked over at Ally. "Pippa, I knows what to gets Aunt Jenna now!"

The young teen put down her drink and leaned forward. "What Kitten?"

The toddler smiled proudly, "Pizza and honey bar-be-cooed wings!" Aunt Jenna says she loves dem lots, and I thinks dats a good idea!"

Ally dropped her head and closed her eyes. Steffi and Elsa both shook their head as Isabel and Andrea giggled. Ally opened her eyes and found her little sister staring at her with a disappointed look.

She shot her two sister's a glance that said, "cut the giggle" and then reached over and took Maggie's tomato sauce caked hand, "Maggie I know Aunt Jenna loves those things, but pizza and chicken wings, don't do so good sitting inside a gift box all day. I think we better just keep trying to think of something else, okay?"

Maggie was slightly dejected, but undaunted, and went back to happily munching and modeling her pizza. Twenty minutes later, which included ten of it in the bathroom trying to clean up Maggie, Baruchah and Michelle, the eight girls were back on their quest again.

The toddlers had gotten tired of being passed around from sister to sister, and insisted on walking. Elsa held Maggie by the hand, Andrea held Baruchah’s and Isabel held Michelle’s as Ally and Steffi had stopped for a second to chat up a few friends. Baruchah impatiently pulled on Andrea’s hand, as the toddler was ready to roll.

Elsa was about to pick Maggie up rather than have a tug of war with her when Steffi waved over at her enthusiastically. Getting her attention, she pointed over to the mall entrance. Elsa's knee's buckled and her face turned bright red because James Sharpson had just entered the building, and she was totally not dressed for an encounter of the high school hunk variety. Grabbing Maggie, she ran over to the photo machine and pulled her little sister in, closing the curtain behind them.

Maggie stared at the photo screen, and having had her picture taken there before started smiling and making faces, but the flash never came. Frowning she looked up at Elsa, "Elsa I tink its bwoked."

Elsa was too busy hiding to pay much attention. Sure that her crush had definitely past by, the beautiful young lass pushed the curtains open a few inches and then carefully stepped out. Her heart nearly stopped as she stood eyes to lips with the handsome high school hunk of her dreams, James Sharpson.

The boy smiled. The girl melted. The boy liked what he saw. The girl couldn't make eye contact. The guy put a gentle finger under her chin and helped her. The girl blushed. The boy smiled again and the girl became a puddle.

James leaned on the photo machine and struck up a conversation with his cute classmate. Elsa made doe eyes and responded with enough conversation to prove she was at least not completely comatose. Ten minutes had passed by before Ally, Isabel, Andrea and Steffi had returned with their charges. James took that as his cue to leave, winked at the girls and then strutted the walk.

Elsa gazed at him until she heard Ally utter. "Earth to Elsa! Come in Elsa!"

Elsa shook her head and then blushed while Ally and Steffi giggled at her expense.

Steffi made a comment about how someone's got it bad and Ally made the most intelligent comment of the last fifteen minutes. "Uh Elsa, where's Maggie?"

Elsa pulled the curtain open and waved her hand like a magician, but she sure wasn't a Blackstone, as the photo cabinet was empty.

The five girls gasped in horror. They didn't know whether to scream, cry, or just go directly into full scale panic. It was Thursday night in a packed summer mall, and they had to find one little rugrat. Mother would not be happy. Saying she would kill them was an understatement. They had to find the Kitten and they had to find her fast.

Elsa was already in tears as she blamed herself for the whole thing. Steffi was rambling on about people who abduct children from public places, and Ally was trembling, Isabel was in tears, but probably the sanest of the five was Andrea, because she, at least, had the good sense to think of alerting mall security.

Ally was about to flag down a mall cop when amazingly she saw Maggie smiling and waving to her from a shop on the other side of the hallway.

Ally screamed out, "There she is!" and took off at a run with Andrea, Isabel, Elsa and Steffi close behind.

By the time they had weaved their way through the crowd, the young girls found themselves standing outside a shop simply called, "Aunt Jan's Place.” Maggie was holding the hand of an older woman with long brown hair streaked with gray. She wore glasses, a long sleeve frilly blouse, and an ankle length skirt. The lady smiled lovingly at the girls. To the girls she seemed to look exactly like what an Aunt Jan ought to look like.

The teens smiled at the lady and then went directly after their wayward sister. Ally knelt down and pulled her into a tight hug. Andrea and Issy quickly joined in. Once they dried eyes and were sure she was safe and sound, all five scolded her.

Maggie turned from sister to sister unable to answer all the questions that were being fired at her, "How could you run off like that?” “I thought you knew better than that?” “Do you have any idea of what could have happened to you?” “Do you know how much you scared us?” ”What do you think Mom is going to say?"

Tears welled in the little girl's eyes as she tried to answer. "I gotted tired sitting in da booth listenin to Elsa bein goofy wiff a boy and I snucked out da udder side and then I kinda started lookin around and then I gotted losted and I didn't know what to do, and then I membered Mommy and Auntie Prue said to listen to my heart, and it tolded me to start goin dis way and it leaded me to Aunt Jan. I...I...is sowwy I gotted losted and..and I didn't means to be bad and..."

The little one's voice trailed off as she became overwhelmed and then broke down in sobs. The girls shook their head realizing they were all to blame and started comforting the little toddler.

Aunt Jan came over with tissues and a plate of cookies.

She smiled and introduced herself, "Hello girls. I'm Aunt Jan and well, this is my place. I saw your little sister out in the middle of the walk and she looked lost, so I called her over. I was just about to call mall security when she saw you looking for her. Maggie was telling me she's looking for a birthday present for her Aunt Jenna. I have quite few things in my shop that an aunt just might like. Please feel free to come in and browse around. You just might be surprised what you'll find here." She knelt down to Maggie level and winked at the small child. "And today is half off all purchases made by toddler's!"

Maggie squealed with delight and gave her a cookie crumb kiss. The five teens laughed and each helped herself to a cookie, giving one each to the other two other toddlers.

Elsa surveyed the front entrance of the shop and gave it a curious look, "Aunt Jan, I don't remember seeing this shop here before and I was just in the mall last weekend."

The kindly older woman smiled and nodded, "That's true Elsa. Actually a friend of mine owns this spot, normally he runs a little magic shop from here. Maybe you've seen him. A little short older man, wears something that looks like a bath robe?"

Elsa thought for a moment and then shook her head.

Aunt Jan smiled and then continued, "Well, anyway, he's taking a little vacation and he's letting me have a go at a shop for awhile."

Elsa nodded, and then gave the woman a strange look, "Aunt Jan, how did you know my name was Elsa? I didn't tell you."

The older woman looked down at Maggie and winked before answering Elsa query, "Why your little sister told me, dear," Before looking from teen to teen, naming each one.

The girls shrugged their shoulders and Steffi said, "Well...I think we ought to let the kittens look around. It's not like any of us have come up with anything and we got less than an hour left."

The girls began wandering through the aisles. The three little ones kept hold of at least one sister's hand at all times. Aunt Jan seemed to pop in and out as the girls browsed. One of them would be looking longingly at something and almost like magic she was beside them telling them about it.

Ally had Maggie's hand this time and looked down at the quickly tiring tot, "So Kitten, any ideas yet?"

Maggie sighed and closed her eyes. "I is twying to follow me heart like mommy says, but I aint doin so good!"

Like magic Aunt Jan appeared and took Maggie's other hand.

Kneeling down to Kitten level she smiled at her, "Maggie, if you could give your Aunt Jenna anything in the whole world, what would your heart want to give her."

The older woman closed her eyes when she finished her sentence, and suddenly Maggie felt the palm that Aunt Jan held tingling with something like electricity.

Maggie closed her eyes and when she opened them she smiled sadly, "Aunt Jan, I weally wish wes could give Aunt Jenna a baby cause she loves kids more than anyting, but my mommy done splained to us’es I can't do dat."

The kindly shop owner winked at Maggie and then spoke, "No child, you can't give her a real baby, but I've got some lovely baby dolls that I bet she would fall in love with."

Maggie smiled brightly, and exclamimed. "Cans wes see dem Aunt Jan! Peas! Peas!"

Aunt Jan raised up and waved her hand toward the shelf directly in front of them. "Why they are right there Maggie and all at toddler level just so you can pick them out."

Ally gave Aunt Jan a puzzled look, "That's funny Aunt Jan. I was over at that shelf five minutes ago and I thought it was full of jewelry."

The older woman put an arm around the young teen, "Ally my dear, or should I call you Pippa? There may have been jewelry there five minutes ago. Sometimes I think my friend left a little magic in this place when he left, as strange things have been happening here ever since I moved in."

Ally was considering the implications of the shop owner's statement, ‘Like mom?’

“Yes, like your mom,” Jan smiled.

Suddenly they heard Maggie squeal with delight. "Look Aunt Jan, look Pippa, look at da liddle babies, they is twins!"

Maggie had already lifted the box from the shelf and shoved it up toward her sister. Ally sighed and smiled at the lovely baby dolls. "Ohhhh! They are adorable Kitten. Boy and girl twins, and their little pink and blue outfits are soooo...cute!"

A few seconds later, the other six girls had joined the trio and they too fussed over the dolls as if they really were new born infants. Elsa looked at the bottom of the box and winced when she saw the price.

She sighed and shook her head at Maggie, "Sorry Kitten, but even at half price you couldn't afford these babies. You'll have to put them back and we'll look for something else."

Tear welled in the toddler's eyes, and Steffi knelt down to comfort her.

Aunt Jan took the box from Elsa hands and gently turned it over, "Why Elsa, you must have read that price wrong. Maggie has more than enough money for these babies, especially with her toddler discount."

Elsa shook her head and then her eyes went wide as the price tag read $9.99.

The young teens lip quivered as she spoke. "But...but...I just looked at that, and...and...I know, I could have sworn it said $79.99."

Ally thought, ‘Just like mom.’

Aunt Jan laid a gentle hand Elsa’s shoulder. "Probably just the lighting dear. You've wouldn't believe the things I've thought I've seen in here."

Maggie stopped crying and looked up at Ally, "Pippa does dat means wes gots enuff money to buy da babies for Aunt Jenna?"

Ally smiled and nodded, "Yepers Kitten. You get to give Aunt Jenna babies after all!"

The little girl jumped up and down, squealing and breaking into a little toddler dance before latching on to Aunt Jan and hugging her legs tightly.

Aunt Jan pulled the little octopus away from her legs and lifted her into her arms. Smiling at the child she hugged her tightly and quipped, "Nothing like a satisfied customer!"

The eight-some laughed heartily and then Aunt Jan asked the tiny tot if there was anything else she wanted to get. The little girls frowned for a minute as she thought before Baru’s slowly turned it into a smile.

Baru looked at Elsa as she spoke. "Elsa you said wes should gets somethin for Aunt Jenna dat she loves for more dan anythin and now wes got da babies and she will loves dem lots."

Baru then turned to Elsa. "Elsie, you saided wes should gets her stuff she likes to have lots of, like your friend Mariah. Member Pippa you saided wes should get her somethin she likes to co...co...co..."

Elsa smiled and finished her little sister thought. "Collect Baru, the word is ‘collect,’ but I don't know if Aunt Jenna collects anything or really likes anything that much."

Isabel and Steffi looked at Elsa and shrugged their shoulders as they had no idea either. Once again, it was Aunt Jan to the rescue, as the proprietor lead that girl over to a shelf filled with small stuffed animals.

Still holding Baruchah she directed her attention to the display, "Baruchah I don't really know your Aunt Jenna, but I know a lot of people who like to collect little animals."

The older woman waved her hand across the shelf and one by one she named its occupants, "Here's a little elephant. Those are very popular. Uhh...here's a horse, a bird, a bear, a lion, a bunny rabbit."

Baruchah jumped up and down in Aunt Jan's arms, "Bunny wabbit, bunny wabbit! Cathleen tolded me Aunt Jenna likes bunny wabbits a whole bunches! I wanna get her da bunny wabbit!"

Steffi smiled and then nudged Isabel, "You know...come to think of it...I heard Mom say that Aunt Jenna really liked rabbits. I forgot all about that until the Imp mentioned it."

Ally and Elsa nodded as they now remembered the same thing.

Elsa stepped next to Baruchah and smiled at her, "Well little bit, which rabbit are you gonna get? There's a couple on the shelf to choose from."

Baruchah looked back and forth at her choices before selecting the one dressed in a little blue and white sleeper with moons on it, "I wants dat one cause its da cutest and it can seeps wiff da babies while they is waiting for Aunt Jenna to opens da box."

The girls giggled while Aunt Jan complimented her on a good choice. She also mentioned there is a Golden storybook that goes with the rabbit, but sadly she didn't have one. However, she assured Baruchah that Aunt Jenna shouldn't have any trouble finding it and when she did, she could read it to her, her sisters and Cahtleen. For Baruchah, this was the bestest icing on Aunt Jenna's birthday cake.

Steffi reached over and hugged her little sister. "Baru, Maggs, I I think you've done great! Aunt Jenna is gonna love her gifts."

Baru and Maggie smiled proudly, but they weren't done yet and Maggie was quick to tell their sister so, "Steffi, wes gotted what Elsa and Ally saided but wes ain't gotted Aunt Jenna what you saided. Wes gotta figure out what she NEEDS most of all!"

Without even really thinking, Andrea commented casually, "I tell you what she really needs. She needs some allergy medicine that really works for once! I feel so sorry for her in the summer time. She always sneezing and blowing her nose. Not even Mom's chicken soup has been able to cure her allergies."

A toddler sized light bulb went on over Baruchah's head. "Dat's it Pippa. Wes is gonna gets her medicines for her bad ol ally-geez! She needs dat more dan anyting!"

Elsa shook her head at her little sister. "Baru, this isn't a chemist shop. I really doubt if Aunt Jan sells magic medicine to cure Aunt Jenna's ally-gees."

The tiny toddler looked hopefully into Aunt Jan's eyes, and the older woman smiled and winked, "Well Elsa, normally you'd be right but, I might just have a little something here somewhere."

Aunt Jan slipped behind a counter and reached into a drawer. She muttered to herself as she searched its contents. The girls watched intently as the older woman finally stopped and then smiled as she pulled a small plastic bag from the drawer.

"I thought I still had a bag of these somewhere."

The tots smiled happily but the five teens looked at the bag suspiciously.

Finally Steffi voiced their opinion, "Uh Aunt Jan, that doesn't really look like allergy medicine. It kinda looks like jellybeans to me."

Ally, Andrea, Isabel and Elsa nodded in agreement.

Aunt Jan squinted her eyes and took a closer look at the bag in her hand, "Hmmm....girls they do kinda look like jellybeans don't they, and....who knows, they might even taste a little like jellybeans, but, as you girls get older you will learn that very often the true nature of things isn't always found in what they look like or sometimes even act like. The true nature of a thing is often deep inside the shell and kept safely in the heart. Sometimes, we may have to give it a gentle nudge, a hug and a lot of love, but if were patient, we might just get to see it. And, that works as well for jelly beans as it does with people."

Aunt Jan then handed the bag to Michelle who held it tightly against her chest. "Michelle," she started. "Do you think the true nature of these jellybeans is magic allergy pills?"

Michelle nodded solemnly. "I tink so, Aunt Jan."

Aunt Jan smiled and placed her hand on the bag, and then waved the girls over to do the same.

By the time each got a few fingers on the bag, the older woman started again, "Okay, girls I want you to take all the love you feel for Aunt Jenna, and how much you wish her allergies were all gone, and pour it into these jelly beans. Now, if the true nature of these jellybeans are to be magic allergy pills, then your belief in them and your love for Aunt Jenna will give them the courage to be what their destined to be."

Everyone closed their eyes and for a few seconds the world around them was still. Michelle felt a slight tingle in her fingers that her twin toddler sisters felt before and so did her sisters. When Aunt Jan told them to open their eyes. The girls examined the bag of jellybeans and found them to look exactly as they had before.

Ally sighed, "I don't think it worked."

Aunt Jan winked at the young skeptic. "I wouldn't be so quick to say that. The proof of the allergy medicine isn't in the look or the taste! I have a very good feeling we are holding the very first bag of jellybean flavored magic allergy medicine!"

Michelle smiled triumphantly, believing in the power of the magic beans, "Yeah...I gots Aunt Jenna magic ally-geez medicine and she don't gotta have sneezies no mores, and da bestest part is da medicine tastes likes jellybeans."

The little girl licked her lips as she eyed the bag. "Aunt Jan, I kinda think I gots to sneeze, can I have some jellybeans, I means ally-geez medicine?"

Her sisters giggled and Aunt Jan chuckled. "Michelle I think we should let your Aunt Jenna try them first as it is her birthday gift, but I have a feeling that she might want to share them with you and Cathleen should either of you feel the sniffles coming on."

The teens giggled a little more, but Michelle paid them no mind. She was more than willing to wait for some magic medicinal jellybeans. She was just tickled they had gotten so many wonderful gifts for her Aunt Jenna.

Aunt Jan added the jellybeans to the dolls and the rabbit as the closing announcement from the mall came over the loud speaker. The older woman quickly tabulated the tally and cashed Maggie and Baruchah out. They had everything they needed and a good portion of her twenty left. Each one of the girls thanked Aunt Jan for her help and the cookies and then left her with a hug. Maggie of course, had to be last, and hugged Aunt Jan so tightly and then told her she loved her.

The proprietor gave the imp a little kiss and told her she loved her too. Tears welled in the eyes of the older woman as she watch the four girls head for the mall exit. Sighing, she closed the gate on her shop. She hadn't made many sales that day, but now she realized why her friend liked the business. When you made the right sale, it was worth everything.

Outside the shop, the girls stopped at the phone booth just outside the mall exit and phoned their Aunt Janet. She was by the phone waiting for their call, as Shelly had called her on the cell as soon as she had dropped the girls off.

Janet said she would be there in about ten, and true to her word, she tooted the horn at the exit shortly thereafter.

The eight girls poured into her car, and excitedly filled her in on their great mall adventure. The young woman laughed as the five teens were all talking at once as Maggie and Baruchah were trying to poke a big white box into their aunt's face.

Janet really did love children, and someday she might be ready to embrace motherhood, but it was moments like this that reminded her of how much she enjoyed her "Aunt" status.

The young woman finally got the three tots buckled in as the teens settled in. Insisting they go one at a time, Janet began the drive home as she listened to each niece give part of the tale.

Maggie was last of course, and the gentle motion of the car combined with it being already an hour past her bedtime, had the toddler pretty docile by then. She just showed the open box to her Aunt Janet while they were at a stoplight, and said. "See Aunt Janet".

The young woman cooed just as the girls had done when she saw the babies, and the little rabbit. She noticed the jellybeans and after hearing the story how doubts about their medicinal quality but knew that her sister would be deeply touched by the sentiment.

The light had yet to change as Janet poked around in the box. She had a slight frown as she looked at her little sleepy eyed nieces, "Maggie, Baruchah, I can't find the card. You did get a card for Aunt Jenna didn't you?"

The little girls shook their head and being so exhausted, they nearly broke into tears on the spot. Ally looked to Elsa and Elsa to Andrea who looked at Isabel who looked at Steffi, as the five girls shook their heads.

Ally looked at her aunt from the back seat, "Aunt Janet, we forgot all about the card. You think maybe we can stop somewhere and get one. The girls still got plenty of money."

Maggie was buckled in but still managed to reach over enough to grab Janet's sleeve. "Peas, Aunt Janet peas!"

“Yeah, peas, Aunt Janet?” added Baruchah.

The toddler may not have had a good hold on her aunt's blouse, but those sad green eyes had Janet's heart firmly.

"Don't worry Baru and Maggpie. There is a Walgreen's at the next light. I'm sure we can pop in and find you girls a card. How's that sound?"

The little ones grinned and gave their aunt a toddler thumbs up and then added, "Kewl!"

Her sisters started laughing and Janet had to follow as they made their way to the Walgreen's parking lot. The teen queens agreed to wait in the car and watch the sleeping Michelle, while Janet, Baruchah and Maggie went looking for the card.

Janet found the card aisle and then the birthday card section. A brief scan of the selection found three cards for Aunts. She pulled one of each from the rack and held them in front of the girls.

When Maggie saw the one with the bear hugs she squealed, "Dat's the one Aunt Janet, dat's the one," as Baruchah agreed.

A quick stop through checkout and the girls were back on the road again. Ten minutes later, Janet pulled into her sister Shelly's driveway. Shelly had the porch light on and met them at the door. Three teens hugged their Aunt Janet tightly before squeezing past their mother. Ally carried Michelle, and Elsa carried a now sleeping Baruchah.

Janet had Maggie in one arm and the big white box in the other. The toddler had succumbed to sleep before the car had pulled out of the Walgreen.

Shelly smiled wickedly at her sister holding the baby in her arms, "Janet, I wish you could see yourself right now. This motherly look really suits you. You really ought to do it more often. You know, I know this guy..."

Janet shook her head and laughed. "You and Jenna just aren't going to give up are you?"

Shelly laughed. "Why of course not. That's a silly question. We're your sisters. You should know better by now."

Janet nodded and laughed again. "Yeah I guess I should. I don't think you're ever gonna have any luck trying, but I guess I wouldn't know what to do if either of you stopped."

Janet then gave Maggie a kiss and hugged her tightly. The little one smiled and snuggled in her arms. Shelly noticed the loving look on her sister's face, and opened her mouth to comment but Janet cut her off. "Don't say it Shelly, don't you dare. So help me, don't you say it."

Shelly rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue. She just took her baby from her sister's arms and then the white box.

Janet leaned over and gave her sister a light peck, and then turned to head for her car.

Shelly waited till she was on the driver's side and then had to say it. "Goodnight, Mommy!"

Janet's eyes grew wide and she shouted, "Shelly!" but her sister had already disappeared inside the door.

The young woman slipped in behind the wheel and muttered to herself, "Damn! She always gets the last word!"

Shelly smiled triumphantly as she peeked from the window and watched her sister drive away.

The teen trio was already in their room with their slightly older twins, as the sound of the stereo told their mother that. She would check on them a little later and get the details of the mall hop then. At the moment, she had a few munchkins to put to bed.

Entering Maggie and Baruchah's room, she sat the white box down on Maggie's desk and her babies on their beds.

Shelly puled off Maggie's sandles, she wiggled her baby out of her shorts and t-shirt. She frowned for a moment as she realized the little one was badly in need of a bath, but it could wait until tomorrow.

Selecting the Lady and the Tramp nightgown from her daughter’s nightie drawer, the experienced mother slipped her little one into it and had her beneath the covers and snuggled in with Boots, Lionheart and Darla in record time. She leaned over and kissed Maggie's forehead and then turned to Baru, when a sleepy little voice called to her. "Mommy....mommy."

The young woman turned and knelt at her baby's side. "Yes Baruchah honey, what is it?"

The little girl was so tired she couldn't open her eyes and her voice was barely more than a whisper. "Mommy wes followed my heart and wes founded everthin for Aunt Jenna, but...but...I still wish I coulda maded her somethin too. You know...like colorin her a picture, or..."

The toddler never finished her sentence as sleep reclaimed her. Shelly smiled lovingly and hugged her sleeping baby. "Don't worry Baruchah, I'm sure you'll think of something in the morning."

She then lovingly put Baruchah in her Cinderella nightgown and made sure Molly and Ein were under the sheet with her baby.

“Wes got great prezzies, momm…” Baruchah told her as she went back to sleep.

Shelly then took care of Michelle, changing her diaper and putting her into her babydoll before putting her in her crib and arranging her plushies.

The young mother backed out of the room and turned off the light before heading down the hallway to check on the rest of her brood.

************************************************************

Note Maggie is the main author. Edited for "Little Kids Kamp" by shalimar.

Huggles Aunt Jenna. This is the something else that Maggie maded special for you the next morining and I hopes you likes it. I loves you bunches and bunches!

Happy Birthday!!!!! from Maggie da Kitten

 © 2005 Maggie O'Malley
 
 
“Otay!"

Little Maggie walked over to the big closet where she kept all her stories, games, 'maginary aminals and green fuzzy pizza slices. Reaching up on tippy toe she grabbed the knob and turned it, while Baru watched her twin closely before she dove under the covers to protect herself from the tidal wave to come.

Maggie opened the door cautiously and much to both her and her sister's surprise, no mountain of mess came rushing out to bury her waist deep.

When Baru didn't hear the toddler tidal wave hit, she peeked out from the under the blanket, "Hey Maggie, how comes you're not all upside down da wrong ways up and almost indibisibles in a big ol pile of stuffs?”

Maggie shrugged her shoulders, "I dunno. I didn't do nuttins. I didn’t use no magic."

Baru giggled, "Yeah, I knows you didn't use no magic cause somefins always habbens when you uses magic, and it's nebers quiet and nebers nuttins.”

Baru hopped out of bed and joined Maggie as the pair peered into the dimly lit closet.

"I think eberyting must be goned Baru, cause looks we can see da floor."

"Wow!" her twin exclaimed in amazement. "I neber knowed we had a floor in da big coset."

A voice from the doorway startled the two closet explorers, "Yes girls, much as it is hard to believe your closet does have a floor, a very clean one and I want it to stay that way."

"Yes Momma", the pair of princess replid in unison.

"Momma", Maggie started tentively. "Did...dids you keen our coset up?"

"Yes ... I risked life and limb to brave that perilous jungle you two call a closet. My word girls ... I think I’m going to change your middle names to Pack and Rat. I've never seen such a mess and so much stuff! I think you pair must be Little Lady Timelords and this closet your Toddler Tardis, because with all that junk you had in there, it must be bigger on the inside than it is on the outside."

"We sowwy," the pair of princesses dropped their heads.

"Honestly girls, I was beginning to think that if I dug deep enough in there I'd find the lost city of Atlantis, Nessie, Big Foot, and Amelia Earhardt, her plane included."

"Who Melia Airhead Mommy?" Baru asked innocently.

Shelly sighed, "It's Amelia Earhardt, but that's not important. What is important is that you girls start taking care of this room, especially that closet. I want clothes hung, games and books neatly shelved, and dolls and toys in the boxes where they go. And most of all, I don't ever want to find any more icky green fuzzy things in there that I think in a previous life were either a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a slice of pizza."

"Mommy if its gween its da peadut budder and jewwy cause its da pizza dat turns purble, but ... but maggie woni and cheeze is da best cause it gween and purble and sometimes pink, too, but onwy if you mix it wiff juice."

Shelly grimaced at Maggie's colorful description. She was glad that dinner was still over an hour away. Hopefully she could still be a participant and not just the cook.

"Girls, if I have to risk life and limb to clean that closet again, things will go bye bye, provided of course I don't succumb to the dangers within and go bye bye, myself. Soooo ... are you girls gonna take care of the closet or will I have to?"

"We will Momma, we pwomise!"

Shelly knelt down, wrapped arms around both her toddler tornados.

"Oh and Maggie, I think you were looking for a particular storybook, weren't you? Ally in Wonderland?"

"Yeah Mommy,” Maggie smiled.

"Well I rescued it from the clutches of stinky, green and furry, and it's sitting on Ally's bed, along with Ally who said that if two little girls want to hear a fairy tale before dinner, they better go to her room right away."

"Dat means almost wight now!" Baru toddler translated the English. "C'mon Maggie!"

Baru disappeared quickly round the corner with her twin in hot pursuit. Shelly smiled while listened to the thundering hooves of tiny toddlers as they headed for their big sister's room, taking one last look at their clean closet, she wondered how long would it be before she went round two with something icky, green, purple or pink and fuzzy.

Charmed Kitten
By Maggie O'Malley

Note: This is "Charmed" Fan Fiction with only a HINT of TG element. Also the powers of the sisters, their physical discriptions and a bit of the stoyline have been altered slightly by the muse.

Paige Matthews wrapped both hands round a steaming mug of herbal tea and eased into the comfy loveseat. Yes, it was California, but it was also San Francisco in October and the winds off the bay had nearly chilled the young beauty to the bone.

Paige sipped the warm sweet goodness and silently prayed it would work its magic on her shivering cold body. “Magic”, she thought.

In the last month she’d learned more about magic than she’d ever dreamed possible. In the last month she’d discovered that she had three half sisters, Prue, Piper and Phoebe, who were real life spell-slinging, demon battling witches. In the last month she’d found out that their shared birth mother had been a witch and that her true father was someone called a White lighter, a person/spirit with healing powers who helped witches on the side of the light. And yes, thankfully, her new family were the good guys, good witches on the side of the light as opposed to those who embraced evil and the dark.

The beautiful brunette smiled as she took another sip of her tea and then looked round the big Halliwell family home that she now called her own. Yes, it had been quite the amazing month: a new family, a new home, witchcraft wielding siblings, and the realization that there was magic lurking somewhere within her own fingertips, but all of this had come at a terrible cost.

To gain two sisters, it ultimately cost her one. Prue had been killed by a demon, and even though Paige didn’t really know the fallen young witch, something or someone had led her to the funeral, just as it had several times earlier to “P-3’s”, the night club owned by the Halliwell sisters.

It wasn’t until she came to offer her condolences at the funeral to Piper and touched her hand, that there was any hint of a connection between Paige and the grief stricken girls. Piper, who has the power of premonition, received a very strong one when she touched Paige. She saw the same demon that had killed Prue, handing Paige the same fate.

The premonition made Piper and Phoebe want to protect this unknown innocent, but when the demon made an appearance and Paige, “orbed out”, much to the amazement of Piper, Phoebe and yes, Paige, who had never performed magic of any kind before, the Halliwell girls knew they were connected to Paige. It wasn’t until Grams (their grandmother), and Piper’s boyfriend Leo (a White lighter) came on the scene that the girls discovered they were long lost sisters.

In the beginning it was a bit awkward for all parties. Piper and Phoebe were mourning the loss of Prue. They wanted their big sister back, not a new half-sister who couldn’t possibly take her place. As for Paige, she was overwhelmed by Prue’s shadow, her own insecurities, and the fact that demons dropped in at the Halliwell home like door to door salesman. The fact that Paige could possibly jockey a broom and join the Witches Union, was just plain overkill.

But it is said that blood is thicker than water, and ultimately stronger than any black magic, or any heartbreaking loss ever dealt out by a demon. It had taken a few weeks, but the girls were starting to really come together as family now, and Paige was really feeling quite at home, and quite happy to be home.

Paige looked up at the grandfather clock and noted it was half three and she hadn’t eaten lunch. However, not feeling particularly peckish, she decided to forgo lunch and just head up to her room for a short lie down. Piper and Phoebe said they’d be back from P-3, around six and then they’d decide if they want to go out clubbing, vanquish a few demons or just knock back a little dinner and stay home to watch old movies.

Paige put down her empty mug on the table and headed toward the stairway. It was then she heard a “giggle”, a little girl’s giggle. Paige whirled round, expecting to see her solitude had been interrupted by a child who had wandered in, or possibly a little girl ghost who’d come to visit. She had discovered quite quickly that when you are a “Charmed One”, you never know who might come to call.

Much to her surprise however, she found nobody, or “no body”, spiritual form or otherwise, to go with the giggle. Deciding that sometimes its just better to let giggles go their own way without further exploration, she headed up the stairs toward her room.

When she reached the top of the stairs she heard the giggle again, but as before, the source was still not in her line of sight. Now she was beginning to feel like she had stumbled into a game of Kitten and Mouse, with no doubt as to who was the mouse.

Paige smiled at her invisible visitor. She didn’t really have any magic powers that told her this entity was a good spirit, at least she wasn’t aware she had that ability, but she did have a very mortal “gut feeling” that there was no malevolence in this child or childish spirit, only play.

“Who are you? Where are you?”, Paige asked softly as she took a step down the hallway.

All was quiet. “I won’t hurt you”, Paige promised. She waited for another giggle or any sign of life, but finding none, she headed down the hallway, hoping her friend hadn’t run off.

When she turned the corner, she didn’t find herself face to face with the invisible giggler but she did have another mystery on her hands, or more aptly, at her hands.

There some three feet from her along the right wall was a doorknob, attached to a door that hadn’t been there this morning on any other morning Paige had spent in her new home.
Curiosity made the mouse reach for the doorknob to investigate, but past experiences from the last month made her pull her hand back. She’d learned enough to know that doors appearing out of nowhere often led to somewhere, and that somewhere was usually trouble, big, bad, demon trouble.

Paige stood at the door unsure of what to do, leaning toward calling her sisters on the mobile and advising them of this unauthorized home remodeling. And that’s exactly what she probably would have done, had she not heard that giggle again, only this time coming from just the other side of the door.

Again she sensed no evil, no demons, just a happy child, and she didn’t need the power of three to deal with that.

Paige grabbed the doorknob and turned it slowly. When she heard the tumblers click, she pushed on the door and it gave easily. As she stepped inside, she saw no presence to go with the giggle she’d heard, but she had no doubt this is where the giggling girl lived.

It was a little girl’s dream bedroom, all done up in pink and white and lace, complete with a canopy bed and loads of fluffies all about. Paige moved about the room, half expecting, and totally hoping a little imp would pop out from under the duvet or from inside the wardrobe, and greet her with a hug, but none came and no further giggles were heard.

As Paige continued to explore, picking up dolls and toys and looking at a too cute collection of play dresses, questions without answers began to mount. Whose room was this? Why had she never seen it before? Why had her sister’s never told her about it? Was this room even inside the Halliwell house, or had she been stepped through the “Looking Glass” and was no longer in San Francisco any more?

Paige went to the window and pulled back the lace curtains. The view from the window that also hadn’t been there before, was clearly the back garden of the Halliwell home. So, she hadn’t left the building, but exactly where in the building had she walked into?

Paige walked over to the bed and ran her hands along the soft duvet, gently caressing the embroidered hearts and kittens on it. She smiled dreamily, remembering when she was a little girl, how she had dreamed of having a bedroom just like this one.

The young witch eased under the canopy and onto the bed. “Ohhhhhh ... that’s so soft”, she sighed as she curled up. Stretching out on a bed made for an eight year old wasn’t a possibility for the long and lean young woman.

Paige knew she needed to get up. It was time to ring her sisters on the mobile, but the comfy bed and warm herbal tea suddenly got the better of her and before she knew it she was drifting off to sleep. With her last moment of consciousness, she heard that giggle once again. She smiled sleepily as she knew the Kitten had won the game and then she was gone.

Three hours later Paige found herself being rather rudely awakened by a pair of sisters, throwing questions at her like they were slinging spells at a fast approaching demon.

“Paige, how did you get in here?” “Are you alright?” You didn’t see anyone, did you? “You didn’t hear anyone, did you?”
When Paige, still more asleep than awake was slow to respond, the sisters turned on each other. “I thought you said she couldn’t break the protection spell? You said the room was magically sealed.” Phoebe pointed an accusing finger at Piper.

“She didn’t break the spell!”, Piper shot back in defense. “And we sealed the room together, just like it said in the Book of Shadows.”

“Well then how do you explain this?” Phoebe spat, as she waved her arms round and pointed at the groggy Paige.

“Well ... ”, Piper shrugged, “I ummm ... can’t, but ... I’m telling you she couldn’t have seen the doorway and she couldn’t have broken in. Someone had to lead her here and ... unlock the door. The question is, who?”

“Or what?” Phoebe added with a shudder.

“It was a little girl”, Paige said softly as she struggled to regain consciousness and sit up in the bed. “I ... I didn’t see her, but ... I heard her…heard her giggle.”

Paige found herself quickly flanked on each side by her two concerned sisters. “Okay, Paige, start at the beginning and don’t leave anything out,” Piper gently pushed.

Paige nodded and started the short story. Piper and Phoebe exchanged knowing glances as Paige told the tale, but both remained quiet throughout. By the time she’d got to the part where she became “Sleeping Beauty”, she was wide-awake and searching for a few answers of her own.

“Okay ... so c’mon. guys. I’ve been a good girl and told you everything I know, so now why don’t you clue me in on the mystery? A good place to start might be just whose room this is.” Paige pleaded.

Phoebe and Piper made silent eye contact When Piper nodded, that was Phoebe’s clue to begin. “This is our big sister’s room.”

Paige sighed sadly as thought of their lost sibling Prue, but then Phoebe’s answer suddenly gave Paige more questions. “Wait a minute ... this can’t be Prue’s room. That’s two doors down the hall and besides, this is a little girl’s room.”

Piper took Paige’s hand. “It’s not Prue’s room. It’s Pana’s (Pawna’s) room.”

“Well actually her name was Panacia”, Phoebe gently corrected, “but we always called her Pana.”

“Pana?”, Paige’s eyes went wide. “Who’s Pana. I thought you said this was your big sister’s room.”

Piper’s lip trembled as she lost the power of speech and Phoebe carried the tale from there. “Pana is our big sister. She was Mom’s firstborn, but before she’d met Dad.”

Paige’s eyes were still wide in disbelief, “Yet another Halliwell sister?”, she thought “And this one a half-sister like me?”, but again, answering one question only prompted several more.
“Wait a minute. You’re saying there’s another Halliwell sister out there? One that didn’t show up at Prue’s funeral, and one that nobody has ever told me about until I stumbled into her room, almost literally? And speaking of which, if she’s your ... ummm ... our older sister, how come she has a room furnished by Kid’s R Us? I won’t even ask why her room had to be protected by a magic spell.”

Phoebe took Paige’s free hand as tears welled in her eyes. “We were going to tell you about Pana, honest we were Paige. But you’ve been exposed to so much so fast, and well ... it’s only been a month since Prue died, and well ... ”

Piper picked up as Phoebe found the going too tough. “We just didn’t want to relive the pain of another loss less than a year old until we were stronger, and we felt you were ready.”

Paige’s heart sank. The sad words and tears in her sister’s eyes had answered several questions. Obviously, Pana had died, possibly even another demon related fatality, but definitely another lost Halliwell sister, which explained why Paige hadn’t met her at the funeral, and why they had gone to such lengths to hide Pana’s room until they were ready to have this talk with her. What it didn’t answer, was why the oldest Halliwell sister, who obviously had to be in her early thirties had a room decorated in Early Primary School, or who the giggling girl ghost was. Those questions and much more would soon be answered.

Phoebe reached into the drawer of the night stand and pulled out a picture. It was a snap of three young women standing on the front steps of the Halliwell house. whom Paige immediately recognized as Prue, Piper and Phoebe. And standing in front of the threesome was a freckled face little girl with emerald green eyes, and red hair up in pig tails. She was smartly dressed in a school uniform and looked no older than 7 or 8.

“P ... P ... Pana?”, Paige stammered in disbelief, “But you said she was the oldest Halliwell sister right?”

“She was ... well at least she sort of was”, Phoebe struggled as she sniffled back tears.

“Look ... in for a penny, in for a pound as they say”, Piper said as she forced a smile. “We were going to tell you in time anyway, so it might as well be now, and the only way this is going to make any sense is to start at the beginning.”

“I’ll put on the kettle”, Phoebe offered as she bounced off the bed and headed for the door.
Piper helped Paige up from the bed and wrapped a sisterly arm around her as they followed Phoebe. Paige cradled the family photo containing her two lost sisters.

Once the tea was poured and the three sisters were cozy and comfy on the sofa, Piper started the tale that had become known in the family as Pana’s story or the story of the Charmed Kitten.

CHARMED KITTEN

Prue stared intently into the computer screen. Frustration was etched on her lovely young face, and a frown tugged at the corners of her mouth. Her chin rested on the thumb and forefinger of her right hand, while her left hand worked from the top of her head, through her thick brown hair, stopping at the base of her neck to massage her aching muscles. Her beautiful brown eyes were tired from hours spent at the computer poring over stacks of reference books. Her chest heaved as she blew out a heavy sigh.

"Twenty first century witchcraft indeed!", she thought. "Great Grandma had it better off with just her cauldron and a magic wand."

Piper walked in from the kitchen. She was a tall willowy blonde, with azure blue eyes, and the skin coloring of a bronze goddess. "C'mon Prue! Take a break for awhile. You've been at it for hours. We'll figure it out."

Prue took a sip of her diet Pepsi. "I need a break, but this thing's got me so puzzled. I just don't understand why Mom would have sent us something like this! It's written in a code that is almost totally indecipherable without the key symbol. It showed up in the mail box three days ago, but the post mark is dated 25 years ago today! Piper, twenty-five years ago I was 6 years old, you were 4 and Phoebe was only 2! Why would she mail us this note then, and where has it been for the last twenty-five years?"

Piper flashed her azure blues. "The US postal service strikes again?"

Prue rolled her eyes, then smiled. Piper had accomplished her objective. "Hey, at least you smiled! That's the first one I've seen from you in three days.

"Sorry Piper, It's just this letter from Mom. I have this feeling that it's really important."

Piper walked over to Prue and hugged her. "So you got a feeling huh? I thought premonitions were my special talent." Piper smiled but Prue's attention had already returned to the computer screen and their mother's letter.

She peered over her big sister’s shoulder and watched her scroll from page to page. "Hey, is that the stuff that Scotty and Rebecca said they would send?"

Prue's eyes flashed at the screen. "Uh huh."

Piper watched a few more pages scroll by as Prue remained entranced.

"Well, what do you think? Is it helpful?"

Prue again answered, "Uh huh."

Piper tapped her long acrylic nails on the computer desk. "Okay, Prudence! Mind reading is one of your talents. You care to share a little more info with your sister here?"

Prue pushed the hair from her face. "Sorry ... I just get so into it ... Uh ... Scotty and Rebecca have pretty much confirmed what we already know. The language Mom uses in this letter is ancient. I mean, we're talking Druids and Stonehenge here! Scotty sent photos of inscriptions found at the Stonehenge site, and they definitely match the symbols in the letter."

Piper's eyes lit up. "Well ... that should make it easier to decipher now, right?"

Prue shook her head. "I wish! The Druids encrypted their writings with one key symbol. Without knowing which symbol that is, it's virtually impossible to discern the meaning of the text." Prue paused a moment. "There's one thing for sure. Mom didn't want us to figure this out easily!"

Piper's blue eyes sparkled as a thought came to her. "Or ... she didn't want anyone else to be able to figure it out, either." Piper began drumming her fingers again as she contemplated the implications of her last statement.

"Piper?"

"Yeah, Prue"

"Umm ... did you have any luck going through the Book of Shadows last night?"

Piper blew out a heavy sigh. "No, I spent the whole night checking, and rechecking, almost every spell, incantation, and reference in the book, but I couldn't find anything that connects to Mom's letter, or my dream."

Prue turned from the computer terminal and stared at Piper. "Dream? What dream? You didn't mention that this morning. Was it a dream, or a premonition?"

"Sorry, I was so tired this morning that I just crashed as soon as you came in. I didn't really think it was worth mentioning at the time. Honestly, I don't know if it was a dream or a premonition. I was so tired last night I kept nodding off while I was going through the book. Anyway, I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I saw a cat. There was this big fluffy, rust colored cat sitting on the window ledge outside this room." Piper closed her eyes as she tried to focus her thoughts. "Prue, you were there too."

"What was I doing?"

"You ... walked over to the cat and reached for it."

"Did I catch it?"

Piper squinted her eyes, and then dropped her head. "I don't know. That's all I got. Damn it! I know there's more though. I just can't focus."

Prue squeezed Piper's hand and smiled. "Hey sis, you might have helped more than you think. Tell me ... Was this cat wearing anything? Like, maybe a collar?"

Piper thought for a moment and then smiled. "Yes!, The cat was wearing a pink collar with a medallion hanging from it."

Prue smiled excitedly. "Piper, I've seen that cat. This morning after you went to bed, I was working on the downloads from Rebecca and Scotty when I heard something. I turned toward the window and there was a cat sitting there looking in at me. I started to get up, but it bolted off the ledge and was gone before I could get to the window. It was a big rust colored cat AND, it was wearing a pink collar with a medallion! I only got to look at it for a moment, but I got some real strange feelings from that cat."

"Okay, so I had a premonition that we'd have a stray cat visit us looking for a saucer of milk. Do you really think that means anything? I mean, anything important?"

"I dunno. Maybe, maybe not. I told you that I got a strange feeling from that cat. I'm not sure, but it was almost as if it was trying to communicate with me. I'll tell you something else. I am sure I know that cat, and I don't mean from the trash cans in the alley either. There was something in its eyes. They were the strangest shade of green." Prue rubbed her temples as the pain in her neck had went to her head. "I can't be sure. Maybe I am so desperate for a clue, I'm seeing things."

Piper considered her sister's thoughts. "Well ... the cat is a pretty big symbol through out the history of witchcraft. Maybe, the cat isn't really a cat. Maybe its symbolic of something else. Could the cat be Mom in another form? Mom did have green eyes, right?"

"Yeah ... but I don't think it's Mom."

"Okay, what about the role of the cat in the Druid culture? Does the cat symbolize anything in their witchcraft?"

"Dunno. I sent Phoebe back to the library with another long list of reference books this morning. I might be able to find something in there."

"Speaking of our little fashion diva, shouldn't she have been back by now?"

Prue smiled sheepishly at Piper. "I did give her a big list."

Piper returned the smile. "Yeah, and for the third day in a row, too! She's spent more time in the university library the last three days, than she did her first two years there as a student!"

The two sister's smiles became full-fledged laughs. Prue was the first to speak. "Well ... if she ever really intends to go back to college, she needs to spend some time in the library. It isn't going to kill her, you know."

Piper smiled. "Try telling her that!"

Sounds of a motor racing and tires barking got their attention. They looked at each other and both said same the same thing, "Phoebe's home!"

Piper turned her attention back to the computer desk and her mother's letter. "Prue, have you heard anything from Grams yet? I gotta believe she could help us with this. If anyone would know what Mom was up to, she would."

"Nope, not a word! I don't understand that, either. She's always been there when we needed her, and boy, do we need her!"
Piper shot her sister a worried glance, "You think something or someone is keeping her from coming? You know, like maybe a demon or something?"

Prue thought about that for a moment before speaking. "I don't think so. It would take a pretty bad demon to keep Grams away!"

At that moment, the door to the room was opened by a large stack of books with a pizza box sitting precariously on top of them.

Piper couldn't resist getting a dig in at her favorite little sister. "Well ... speaking of bad demons!"

A sharp voice came from behind the stack of books. "Can it, Piper! You want to grab this pizza, or wear it? Prue, you want to give me a hand with these books? They're heavy, and they're yours, anyway!"

Piper grabbed the pizza box as Prue began taking the books one by one. She couldn't resist having a little fun with her baby sister either. "Sounds like someone didn't get their nap today."

"You try spending half the day at the library, poring over dusty old books and see what that does for your disposition!"
Phoebe stopped, thinking about her words as Prue took the last book from her. "What am I saying? You'd LOVE to spend the whole day doing that!"

Prue smiled at her sister. "Sorry Phoebe, no more trips to the library, at least not today."

Phoebe smiled back at her, her dark brown eyes sparklimg. Phoebe's dark eyes were the perfect compliment to the raven black hair that fell just below her shoulders. She was slender like her sisters, but at about 5'3", she was more petite. She was seductively dressed in a full body black leather cat suit, and short black boots. Her attire was not the same as it had been when she'd left the house, as both Prue and Piper were quick to notice.

Prue was the first to comment. "Hey, lil sis, where do you get the outfit? I should have known you couldn't spend half the day at the library without a shopping fix."

Phoebe answered her defensively. "Aw C'mon Prue. I deserved it! After three days of library hell, I earned it."
She stopped for a moment and twirled around. "Well, do you like it?"
Prue regarded it while Piper grabbed a slice of pizza. "Actually, I do. I think it suits you. Where did you get it?"

Phoebe smiled proudly. "Sorceresses R Us! They were having a Black Light Special. 50% off!"

Prue nodded. Phoebe's efforts at school had sometimes been less than enthusiastic, but as a bargain hunter, she was beyond compare.

Piper swallowed a bite of pizza, and commented on Phoebe's outfit. "I think it's sharp! You look like a pint-sized version of Diana Rigg in her black cat suit."

Phoebe stared at her, puzzled by the obscure reference. "Who?"

"Diana Rigg! You know, from the Avengers! That British Sci-Fi series that was so big in the 60's. They show it all the time on A&E!"

Phoebe just shook her head.

Piper was obviously miffed, "Well ... if you would ever watch anything other than the MTV House Party, you might know what I'm talking about!"

Phoebe's eyes lit up, and she had to retaliate. "Are you sure you are only two years older than me? I mean, you seem SO much more older at times! Not any more mature, just older!"

The two sisters glared at each other, then broke into giggles.

"Okay Phoebe, I surrender! You win. Let's eat!"

As the three girls devoured the pizza, they discussed the letter, the cat, and what they should do next. Before they finished the pizza, their next move was made for them, as the cat returned.

Phoebe spotted the cat first, as Piper and Prue's backs were turned to the window. "Hey guys, didn't you say that cat was a big rust colored cat with a pink collar?"

Piper and Prue answered simultaneously, "Yeah."

"Well ... it's back!"

The two girls whipped around in their chairs to find the cat sitting in the window regarding them. Piper looked at Prue. "Can you sense anything from the cat? Is it still trying to communicate with you?"

Prue stared at its eyes intently. "I'm getting something, but I don't understand. I don't speak fluent feline. The cat is looking for someone, or something. That much I'm sure of."

Piper started to rise out of her chair. "Do you want me to try and go to the cat, since it ran from you the last time?"

"No, let me go. In your premonition, I was the one reaching for it. I think I should try."

Phoebe whispered across the table. "I could just freeze it right there in the window. At least then it couldn't get away."

Prue thought for a moment. "Better not. Let's just see if I can get it to come to me. It may be nothing more than just a lonely cat looking for a home."

Prue rose from her chair slowly. Her eyes remained locked on the cat as she started toward it. Her long skirt skidded behind her, as she glided, barefoot, across the wood floor. The cat's eyes darted from side to side as Prue grew closer. Finally, she was standing directly in front of the cat.

She talked to it in gentle whispers. "It's okay, sweetie. I won't hurt you. You don't have to be afraid of me." Prue reached toward the cat, and as she did, her crystal necklace fell forward and hung directly in front of the cat. The cat watched the crystal as it sparkled and twirled. It looked up at Prue, hesitated, but for only a moment, and then jumped into her arms.
Prue was startled, but cradled the cat close to her. Phoebe and Piper came up to their elder sister, and began petting and caressing the cat.

They began fawning over it as if it were a newborn baby. Piper ran to get it a saucer of milk, while Phoebe went looking for catnip and a toy. Prue kept looking into its eyes, but she could not make sense of the impressions she was receiving.

She scratched the cat behind its ears. "Who are you, little friend? What are you? Are you a clue, a message, or just a homeless cat? I wish you could talk to me."

Piper sat the saucer of milk down, and Phoebe came with catnip and a toy in hand. "Hey, do you think it will play with a lime green tennis ball. I can lace it with catnip?"

Piper looked at her. "I doubt the cats going to want to play with toys. It's a full grown cat. It's no kitten."
Phoebe frowned and dropped the ball to the ground. The tennis ball bounced, and immediately caught the attention of the cat. It jumped out of Prue's arms and started chasing the ball all around the room. Phoebe smiled triumphantly at Piper.

Piper threw up her arms. "Go figure. It looked like an old cat to me."

Prue watched the cat pounce and play. "That's no "old cat". It's nothing more than an overgrown kitten.

Phoebe sat on the floor, rolling the ball and playing with the cat. Piper watched the two of them playing. "Look at them Prue! Just two kittens playing. So much for your theories and my premonitions, huh?"

Prue shook her head. "Maybe you're right. Still ... I can't shake the felling there's something special about this cat. I mean more than it just being an overgrown kitten. She's ... she's"

Phoebe cut Prue off. "Uh sis ... she's a he! I mean maybe the pink collar fooled you, but I did take enough college biology to know the difference, and this cat is obviously a male."

Prue ran her fingers through her hair and walked over to Phoebe and the cat. She knelt down, picked up the cat and cradled it in her arms. "Look, I know what this cat looks like, but for some reason, I’m feeling she's really a girl. Just like she's really a kitten, even though she's got an adult cat’s body. I can't explain this. Just trust me when I say she's a girl. I'm sure of it."

Piper walked over and scratched the cat behind her ears. "Okay, so she's a special cat. She’s a m ... a gender dysphonic feline, a transsexual tom cat if you will, with a side order of Age Dysphoria.”

“Yeah”, Phoebe chimed in, “She some sort of charmed kitten or something, but we're still no closer to solving this mystery."

The cat pawed at the crystal around Prue's neck. Phoebe raised up to join her sisters. "Well ... 'She', is definitely your baby Prue, and she's crazy about your crystal."

Prue held the cat out in front of her. "You like that necklace huh? It was a gift from my mom when I was a little girl. Did Mom send you to us? I wish you could talk, sweetie."

Prue set the cat down, and walked over to the books Phoebe had brought in earlier. "Okay gang, everybody grab a book. Look for any reference to cats you can find."

Phoebe groaned. Prue pulled rank and glared at her, "Unless anyone's got a better idea?"

Piper and Phoebe shook their heads and each grabbed a book. They had been at it for about twenty-five minutes when Piper glanced over toward the computer. "Hey guys, check it out. Our cat's trying to lend a paw."

The two women looked toward the computer and found the cat standing up on the chair and pawing the computer keys.

Phoebe smiled. "If she can do fifty words a minute with less than two errors, I know where she can get a job."

The three women laughed as Prue got up and walked over to the computer. Picking up the cat, she sat down and looked at the screen. She was greeted by “ppppppaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn”. Prue stroked the cat's fur. "Not bad for a first effort, but I don't think you are ready for the spell check yet."

Piper and Phoebe joined her at the computer desk. "Well girls, what do you think of baby's first words?"

Phoebe regarded the screen for a moment. "Sorry sis, but I'm not hooked on feline phonics. What do you say, Piper?"

"I think I know where you are going with this Prue, but I can't tell you if this is some message from mom, or just paw prints. Assuming there is meaning behind this mess, what do you think is? Obviously if we remove the duplicate letters, we’re left with pan, but pan what, or pan of what?”

Phoebe started sounding out the options. “Pan ... pan ... pancakes. Pancakes with blueberry syrup! Maybe the cat’s hungry and wants to go to IHOP", she added with a giggle.

Prue gave her the big sister glare, and Phoebe quickly canned the laugh track. “Sorry Prue, okay how about ummm ... panda, pandemonium ... pantomime, panhandle, Pandora’s box, Peter Pan, pan of fudge brownies ... oh geez Prue, there’s just too many pan’s out there.”
“Pan ... pana”, Piper took her shot and solving the riddle, “pana ... pawna, pawna!” Piper’s baby blues lit up. “Prue, I know this is a real long shot, but didn't you have an imaginary friend named Pana when you were real little and Mom was still alive?"

Prue smiled warmly. "Yeah, I did. I wanted an older sister so ... bad. No offense to the two of you, but it wasn't easy keeping an eye on you guys. You could be a real handful at times."

Phoebe smiled sheepishly. "Guess we still are, huh?"

Prue reached over and took her hand. "That's what little sisters are supposed to be. Pana was my big sister, and she watched over me. She seemed so real, and then one day, mom took us over to stay with Grams for awhile. I remember asking if I could bring Pana with me, but Mom said she was staying with her. Well ... you guys know the rest of the story. Mom was killed that day, and I never saw Pana ever again. I used to tell myself that she took Pana to heaven with her so she wouldn't be lonely." Tears welled in Prue's eyes, and her sisters hugged her.

Wiping away the tears, she looked down at the cat staring up at her from her lap. She spoke in a tear choked voice. "Is that who you are? Are you my friend Pana? Do you have a message from our mom for us?"

Prue looked deep into the cat's green eyes, and then for the first time, paid careful attention to the medallion hanging from its collar. The medallion had a single symbol on it, and the symbol looked familiar. Prue removed the bobble from the cat’s collar and examined it closer.

Piper watched her eyeing the medallion. "You got something there sis?"

"Maybe ... maybe not, can you get Mom's letter off the table for me.? I think the symbol on this medallion matches one I have seen in Mom's letter. If it does, it could be the key symbol we've be searching for."

Piper smiled as she headed towards the table. She had just reached it, when she fell to one knee, closed her eyes and grabbed her arm. Prue and Phoebe ran to her side.

Phoebe was there first. "Hey sis, you alright? What happened? Premonition?"

Piper couldn't speak but she nodded, her sister had gotten it right straight away.

Prue helped her to the chair. Piper opened her eyes, and continued rubbing her left arm. "Can you tell us what you saw?"

Piper lightly shook her head to clear the fog. "Yeah, and I got to tell you, it wasn't good. The three of us were in the attic room." She hesitated a moment. "Wait, there were four of us. We were with another woman ... no, not a woman, a girl, a little girl."

Phoebe squeezed her hand. "The little girl, did she look familiar?"

Piper shook her head. "No, I don't think so. I can't see her clearly. All I can really make out is her long red hair." Piper hesitated before continuing. "Here comes the bad part. There was someone or something else there; and it was evil. I am talking gates of hell, four-star demon evil! And ... this demon was definitely pissed! The room was shaking, and the windows exploding. Glass was flying everywhere." Piper cringed and held her left arm. "I think I got hurt."

Prue looked at her intently. "Anything else?"

"No, that's it, but I can tell you this ... it's going to happen soon ... Today, I think."

Prue returned her attention to the medallion with a renewed sense of purpose, and compared it to the symbols in her mother's letter. She had been right. The symbols did match. "I knew you were a messenger, kitten!"

Prue looked down to the floor to congratulate the cat on a successful mission, but quickly realized she was nowhere in sight. "Hey guys, anybody seen the cat?"

Phoebe answered. "I saw her dash off into the hallway when Piper fell. It must have scared her. You want me to go look for her?"

"No, I think we better see if we can decipher Mom's letter first, and find out what this is all about. Piper, are you up to it?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Let's see what we got!"

Prue pulled up the copy of their mom’s letter, as her two sisters flanked her on each side. "Okay, I scanned Mom's letter and I downloaded all text we have on Druid symbols and their meanings."
She held up the medallion. "This has to be the key symbol, so I'll highlight that on the screen. Now we need the sequence number. That will tell the computer how to rearrange the symbols in the order Mom intended and then we should be able to read it. So ... what number would she use for the sequence?"

Piper spoke first. "How about three? Three represents the three sisters, and the power of three!"

Phoebe offered her opinion. "I think it's four. Piper you said there were the three of us, and then one other. That makes four! I got a feeling that it's four."

Prue raised her hand. "A feeling is good enough for me. Let's try four, and see what we get."

Prue imput the four and then hit "Enter". The screen went black for a few seconds and then was replaced by the modern English form of their mother's letter. Four had been correct. The letter was finally readable.

Prue finished reading it first. She dropped her head into her hands and began crying.

Piper stared at the screen. "Oh ... my ... God!"

Phoebe shook her head in disbelief. "Guys, this can't be right. I mean ... that would make the cat our uh ... our uh ... "

An older woman's voice finished Phoebe's sentence. "Your sister!" The voice was followed by a white light that filled the room and soon afterward, an image appeared in the center. The three young women turned to face it and found their Grams smiling at them. She was a beautiful woman, in her early 50's, with ash blonde hair and the same azure blue eyes Piper had.

The image of Grams seemed so real, but it was only a projection from the other side. Grams had died several years ago; however, she would visit the girls from time to time, especially when they needed her. They definitely needed her now.

"Hello my darlings. I'm sorry I couldn't come until now."

Prue wiped the tears from her eyes. "Grams, all these years we had another sister,and you never told us? I thought Pana was my imaginary big sister. Now, Mom says she was real! Why , Grams? Why?"

Piper had questions too. "Grams, I understand Mom turned her into a cat. She said it was for Pana's protection. Protection from who, or from what?
Phoebe added her own questions. "And if this happened twenty-five years ago, where's Pana been all this time?"

Grams raised her hand to quiet them. "Please little ones, listen to me. I don't have much time, and neither do you, or Pana. I will try to explain everything to you, and please keep in mind, that at the time, you mother thought this was the best way to protect Pana and all of you."

Grams looked lovingly at each of their faces and then began. "I'll start at the beginning. Pana is your sister, more accurately your half-sister. Your mother was enchanted by a demon before she ever met your father. It was not her fault. He was ... well to put it mildly, a very powerful force. His name is ... Mordock."

All three girls eyes lit up at the sound of his name and Prue spoke first. "Mordock! He’s the demon that killed Mom, and now you are telling us that Pana is his daughter? Our sister is half-demon? I can't believe that. I would have sensed the evil within her when she was with us, even if she were in cat form."

"There is no evil in her”, Grams calmly assured her. “Your mother and I were able to exorcise the demonic spirit before Pana was born. And she became just the same as you three, another charmed one, and a charming one too”, the older woman added with the warm smile of remembrance. “And shortly after Pana was born, your father met and married your mom.”
“Did Dad know that Pana’s father was a demon?”, Piper cut in.

“Yes, your mom told him everything, she knew she had to, and that included the truth about Pana. Well as you know, I haven’t always seen eye to eye with your father and when your Mom told me she wanted to marry him, I had some reservations, but I have to admit, he really impressed me. When your Mom told him the whole story, he accepted all of it, including Pana, and he loved her every bit as much as he has all of you.”

“Ummm ... Grams”, Prue interrupted, “this all sounds like it should end with all of us living together in a big house and doing the whole happily ever after thing, but we know that didn’t happen, and we know Mordock is the reason why.”

Grams sighed, “You’re right, Prudence. For the first eight years of Pana’s life, it was almost a happily ever after, or as happily as it can be for a demon battling mom and witch. Your father married your mother and each of you came along and we’d almost forgotten about Mordock, but he hadn’t forgotten about his daughter. In fact, he returned to claim her on the “Age of Ascension”, which as you know is the demonic first rite of passage held on the child’s eighth birthday. Well, you can imagine what happened when Mordock returned to claim Pana and found out she was neither a demon or evil, he was ... how do you say that, Piper? Oh yes, "Pissed!" That's the word isn't it?"

Piper nodded and blushed.

"Well, it was quite the battle, but we managed to fend him off the first day, but Mordock was determined to have his daughter even if she could no longer be his underworld princess. And if he couldn’t have her, then he would destroy her and anyone who would protect her. Your mother knew that Mordock would never stop pursuing her as long as she had Pana, but she also knew she didn’t have the power to destroy him. The Book of Shadows did say it was possible to imprison him, so she felt she had to face him and try, even if ment her own death. I ... I tried to persuade her to let me help her but she said she didn’t want to risk both our lives, and all of your being left without one of us to take care of you and guide you to your destiny as the Charmed Ones. "

"Grams”, Phoebe interrupted, “there's one thing I don't understand. If Pana wasn’t evil and couldn't be a demonic princess, why did he still want her or want to kill her so bad? Seems to me like Pana would be pretty useless to him, right?"

Piper answered that question for Grams. "I think I know why. Mordock is one bad demon, and the Book of Shadow's says there is only one way to totally destroy him. He can only be killed by the spawn of his own demon seed. Pana isn't a demon, but she was conceived from the seed of his human form. So, if I’m reading my spells right, that means with a little white magic boost, she could destroy him."

"That's right, Piper”, Grams confirmed, Pana could no longer be the dark princess or be used to destroyed the Charmed Ones, but she could destroy him and as long as Pana was free and alive, she was a threat to him. Mordock knew that and so did your mother. She also knew that should she not survive the battle with Mordock, he would eventually find Pana wherever she hid her. That is”, she paused for effect, “all but one place, the future!"

Prue smiled. "Of course, he couldn't find her in the future, because technically she wasn't there yet."

"That's right Prue. It was the only safe place for Pana."
"Okay, I understand why she hid Pana in the future while she battled Mordock”, Piper started, “but why turn her into a cat, and why send her twenty-five years into the future?"

"Honey, I'm not sure why she chose the form of a cat. I do know that she was going to change Pana's form. Perhaps she felt Pana might be safer as a cat. As for the twenty-five years, your mother knew she might not come back from her battle with Mordock. If she could not care for Pana, she hoped that by the time twenty-five years had passed, you three would be mature enough to care for her when she arrived."

Prue interjected a thought. "If Pana was 8 years old when Mom sent her into the future, then is she 33 now?"

Grams shook her head. "No Prue, time has almost stood still for Pana. To her, it has been just one day, with a very long nap in the middle. In every way save for her current feline form, she's still just an eight year old girl. She doesn't even know her mother's died yet."

Piper nodded. "Well, that explains my premonition of a little red haired girl standing with us, and why Prue sensed a kitten in the cat's body."

"Grams?"

"Yes Phoebe?"

"So why did Mom send us this letter all encrypted in Druid symbols, and why have you never told us any of this before?"

Your Mom coded that letter and the incantation to return Pana to her natural form, so that hopefully only the three of you would be able to decipher it. She would rather have had Pana remain a cat, than have someone else break the spell and have her at their mercy. As for my silence, I promised your mother I would say nothing until this day arrived. Telling you years ago would only have jeopardized the three of you, and Pana. Mordock will know soon enough that she's here. You have very little time before he comes."

"Grams?"

"Yes Prue"

"If she was my real sister, then how come I remember her as my imaginary sister, and why didn't Father ever mention her?"

Grams's heart was breaking. She wished she could hug Prue. "Honey, that's all my doing, I'm afraid. When Mordock killed your mom and Pana disappeared, your father and I made a tough decision. It was going to be hard enough on you to lose your mom, we didn’t want you to also have the pain of losing a sister, a sister we hoped might return to you one day. And since you were all so young, we couldn’t really give you the truth, so we thought it best to remove all traces of Pana’s existence and keep the secret.”

“But Grams, I did remember Pana, only ... I thought she was my imaginary big sister”.

“Yes Prue, Piper and Phoebe were so young it was easy to remove their memories, but you were always a stubborn little thing, even when you were six. Despite my best efforts to remove Pana from your memory, you simply wouldn’t let go, so we gently altered your perception of her.”

Prue nodded as it all started to come together now, “And that’s why I thought she was imaginary.”

“That right, dear, and actually it all worked out for the best. You got to keep some memories, albeit altered for your protection, and those same memories helped you make the connection and be reunited with Pana once again. I’m just sorry I had to put you, all of you, through this. You must think me terribly cruel to have kept the truth from you all these years. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me.”

Tears welled in all three girl's eyes. Prue spoke first. "We could never hate you, Grams. You raised us after Mom died. You loved us and protected us, and Pana too! You did the only thing you could do, and we will always, always love you."

"Oh, I wish I could hug all three of you, but I can't and I must go. Please, hurry and find Pana before Mordock does. You have the spells to return Pana to normal, and to vanquish Mordock once and for all. But before I go, remember this, you are going to have to win Pana's confidence. She's not going to recognize you as you are now. She hasn't seen you since you were all children. I love you all. Goodbye!"

Grams disappeared in the white flash from which she had come. And she left the girls wondering what to do next.

Phoebe was the first to speak. "There's about a million places in this house a cat could hide. Where do we look first?"

Prue had the answer. "I think I know where she went. Think ladies. Where was the best hiding place in this house when we used to play hide and seek?"

Piper and Phoebe knew the answer. "The attic!"

"Exactly, and Pana would know that, too. I'm sure she's up there somewhere. Piper, do you think you can slip up there without being seen?"

Piper smiled. "It's a snap!" She raised her left hand above her head, twirled it several times, snapped her fingers and faded from view.

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Piper is such a drama queen! I don't know why she goes through all the hand gestures when all she has to do is just disappear."

A lock of Phoebe's hair raised off her shoulder and then yanked at her scalp. "Ouch! That hurts!"

Piper's voice could be heard echoing through the room. "I do it because it's fun. Kind of like teasing you."

Prue spoke sharply. "Piper!"

"Sorry sis, couldn't resist. I'm heading to the attic."

Phoebe and Prue prepared themselves while Piper searched the attic. Phoebe marked some spells in the Book of Shadows, and then grabbed the book to take it with her. Prue ran the translated copy of her mother's letter off on the printer. She would need it, as it contained the spell to transform Pana back into her normal self.

Piper materialized before them a few moments later. "You were right Prue. She's up there. We shouldn't have any problem getting to her, but how Are we going to convince her that we're her sisters and 25 years have passed?"

Prue tried to remain calm. "I have an idea on that, but for right now let's just get up there and get her changed back. Our sister has been a cat long enough!"

The three women entered the attic, and spied Pana curled up on the window seat, soaking in the rays of the late afternoon sun. Pana watched them curiously as they approached. The women got within about 10 feet of her, and then read the incantation from their mother's letter:
“Grays, and blacks and shades of white, obscure the darkness from the night.
Things protected and hidden from view, will rise from their hiding, and be revealed to you.
Open your hearts, your minds, your eyes.
Be not fooled by visions that lie.
Trust your feelings deep and warm.
Return this child to her natural form.”

A puff of white smoke obscured their vision for a moment, but when it finally cleared, the cat had been replaced by a little red-haired girl in shorts, t-shirt and sandals. Pana had come home.

The girls ran to her, but they frightened Pana and she jumped behind a large steamer trunk. She peered out at them, as they stopped in their tracks.

Prue tried to coax her out. "Hi Pana! It's me, your sister Prue. Look, Piper and Phoebe are here too!" The other two girls smiled and waved, but Pana wasn't about to come out of her hiding spot.

"You're not my sister Prue. And you're not Piper and Phoebe. My sisters are little girls like me, and you are all grown-ups. My sisters are at my Grams's! My momma is here with me. I bet she doesn't know you are here. Momma! Momma!", she cried.

Piper shook her head, "So now what do we do? She's never going to believe us?"

Prue smiled at them sheepishly. "I told you I had an idea, but you're not going to like it."

Phoebe broke in. "Well, we had better try something before someone hears her screaming, and calls the police. I would hate to try and explain that she's our "older" sister."

Prue continued. "The only way she is going to recognize us, is for us to look like we did when she last saw us."

Piper's eyes grew wide. "Prue, I was only 4 years old, and Phoebe was just a toddler."

Prue smiled. "Well think of it this way, when you're 50, you will be glad to drop twenty-five years."

"Okay, I'm in. There is one good side to this. At least at two, Phoebe couldn't talk that much," Piper said with a smile.

Phoebe responded by sticking out her tongue.

Prue thought to herself. "Who needs the spell? We are already here."

Prue took Piper's hand, and she then took Phoebe's. "Okay, let's do the spell and we will be back to grown-up land before we know it."
Her two sisters nodded and the three read the spell from the open Book of Shadows:
“Mother Nature, and Father Time.
Reverse the clock in rhythm and rhyme.
What once was first, now let be last.
Return us to our bodies of twenty-five years past.”
The same white cloud that had enveloped Pana before now enveloped the three sisters, and when it disappeared, three children stood where three women had before.

Piper looked down at her play dress and reached up to feel tight blonde curls. "Hey Prue, it worked!"

Phoebe looked at the little jump suit she was wearing and laughed. "Oh boy, did it work!"

Prue's hair was up in a ponytail, and she was wearing an outfit similar to that of Pana's. "C'mon we don't have much time. The spell will wear off in a few minutes."

Pana peered over the steamer trunk and smiled when she saw the three familiar faces. "Hey! It's really you! How come you were playing like you were old ladies?"

Piper's eyes flared. "Old!"

Phoebe giggled. "Don't mess your pants, sissy!"

Pana climbed over the trunk and looked at Prue. Tears rolled down Prue's face.

"Hey Prue, what's wrong? Did you get hurt or something? You want me to make it better?"

Prue just held out her arms to her long lost sister and Pana pulled her in for a hug. "What's the matter, Prue? Why are you crying?" Pana asked with big sisterly concern.

Prue wiped the tears from her eyes. "I just missed you, that's all."

Pana released Prue and put her hands on her hips. "Gee Prue, Momma just took you and Piper and Phoebe over to Grams's this morning! You shouldn't be such a baby!"

Prue smiled at her sassy sibling. "I'm sorry Pana. I will try to be a big girl, I promise."

"So ... how come you were turned into grown-ups? Did Momma do that to you? She turned me into a cat. Did you see me? It was really cool!" Pana looked around the room. "Prue, where's Momma and Grams? Today's my 8th birthday you know." Pana's eyes grew wide. "I bet they're downstairs with my cake and presents! C'mon, let's go and peek from the stairway!"

Piper and Phoebe stood next to Pana as Prue faced her. "Uh, honey, we have something to tell you, okay?"

Pana looked suspiciously at the three of them. "Is this a game?"

Prue took her hand. "No, it's not a game. It's not make-believe. It's real. Okay?"

Pana nodded her understanding and then whispered. "It's a secret then, right?"

Piper smiled at her. "Kinda, but now we want you to know, okay?"

Pana again nodded as Prue began.

"Pana what's the last thing you remember before seeing us in the attic?"

Pana thought for a minute and then recounted her days events. "Uh, me and Momma took you all over to Grams's, and then we came back here. Momma told me that she was going to have to go away for a little while. She had to go see someone, so I would have to stay here all alone, but she said I was a big girl and I wouldn't be afraid. And I wasn't neither! She said I could play a game until she came back. She said I could pick my favorite animal and she would turn me into that. I picked Mr. Whiskers."

Phoebe smiled and said quite clearly. "I remember Mr. Whiskers, he's our cat!"
Pana stared wide-eyed at Phoebe. "Wow Phoebe, you sure are talking better now."

Phoebe giggled and shrugged her shoulders.

Prue directed the conversation back to Pana. "What else do you remember, Pana?"

Well ... momma gave me a big hug and a kiss and then she turned me into Mr. Whiskers. Wow! You should have momma turn you into a cat. It's really fun. And then Momma picked me up and gived me a hug and a kiss before she left. After that I didn’t have nothing to do or nobody to play with so I decided to hide up in the attic until momma brought you home and then I was going to s urprise you. I remember sitting on the window box and then I got tired. I guess I feel asleep. I don't remember anything else until you woke me up."

Prue looked her in the eyes. "Pana, you believe we're your sisters, right?"

Pana smiled at them. "Of course you're my sisters. You're my little sisters! I take care of you!" Pana reached out and lifted the crystal from Prue's necklace. "See, I got one just like it. Momma gave me one, and she gave you one when you turned six!"

"And sisters don't lie to each other, right?"

Pana nodded solemnly.

"Well ... then you have to believe us when we tell you this, okay?"

"Okay"

Prue tried to choose her words carefully. "Pana you went to sleep for a very long time. You slept so long that we all grew up while you were sleeping. Momma put a special spell on you so that you would stay a little girl until we woke you up. See, we weren't pretending to be grown-ups ... we kind of are grown ups. Well at least most of the time."

Piper felt a strange tingling sensation. "Uh, Prue, I think we are about to be grown-ups right now. The spell is starting to wear off."

Phoebe smiled. "Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. I wished I'd had more time to play!"

Prue squeezed Pana's hand before releasing it and stepping back with her sisters. "Watch us Pana, and you will see us change back to our real forms, okay?"

Pana watched as a cloud of smoke appeared, and the three grown-ups who had greeted her earlier returned. Prue knelt down on one knee and took Pana's hand again. "See? It's really us. We are just big now."

Pana looked up at each of their faces, and suddenly realized her little sisters had grown up without her. She accepted that because she knew her momma was a witch and a witch can do almost anything. She was glad her sisters were here, even if they were grown-up, but where was her momma?
Pana’s lip pushed out and her voice begin to tremble, "Where's Momma, and Grams? How come they let me sleep so long?"

Phoebe took Pana’s free hand. "Pana, remember when Momma told you she had to go somewhere to see someone?"

Pana nodded.

"Well ... she went to see someone who was very bad. He wanted to hurt you, and momma wouldn't let him."

Tears started to well in Pana's eyes. "Did he hurt momma? Where is she? If she's hurt, I can make it better. Honest I can!"

Phoebe was too overcome by tears to continue, and Piper picked up where she left off. "Oh baby, you can't make this better. He did hurt Momma, but now she's alright. She's all better. I promise you she is, only ... she can't come back to us now. That's why she didn't come back to wake you up."

Pana jumped into Prue's arms, and sobbed uncontrollably. In between sobs she would cry out, "Momma, I want Momma!" Prue held her while Piper and Phoebe laid their heads on her shoulders. All four cried. For three of them, they were tears from a wound twenty-five years old, and for one of them, it was an angry new wound, and also the first time she would know life without her mother.

Prue rocked Pana in her arms, and she lightly kissed her cheek. Pana looked up at her as the tears subsided. "Prue?"

"Will we ever get to see momma again?"

"Yes honey, we will. She is waiting for us in a special place, okay?"

Pana nodded. "Prue?"

"Yes?"

"Is Daddy and Grams still here?"

"Daddy doesn't live with us anymore, but sometimes he visits us. Aunt Jan ... lives where momma lives."

Piper wiped a tear from Pana's eye. "But, Grams comes to visit us sometimes too. Would you like to see her?"

Pana nodded and smiled, but then a frown took its place again. "If we don't have momma, or daddy, or Grams, then we are orphans. We don't got nobody to look after us."

Phoebe reached over to Pana, and Pana went to her arms. "Sure we do! We've got each other! We're sisters. We take care of each other, and we know we can take care of you!" Phoebe emphasized the "you" by touching her finger to Pana's nose when she said it. Pana's giggled and hugged her tightly.

When she sat Pana down, she ran to Piper to collect another hug. Piper hugged her and then it was time for the four of them to finish their serious talk. Prue picked up where Piper had left off.

"Pana, do you believe sister's help each other?"

"Yes"

"Well ... we're gonna need your help? Will you help us?"

"Sure Prue, what do you want me to do?"

"The bad man that Momma went to see, the one that wanted to hurt you, and made Momma go away, is coming here. Pana, he wants to take you away with him, because he's ... he's"

Pana finished Prue's words. "He's my real father." Sadness filled Pana's eyes and she dropped her head when she said "father". The three women were stunned. They had no idea that Pana knew. Pana then finished the confession for them. "When Momma told me she was a witch, she told me that Daddy, wasn't my real father. My real father was an evil demon. She said he didn't love me like Daddy did, and that he wanted to hurt me. She said she would never let him get me. That's who she went to see that day isn’t it? He hurt Momma, and now he wants to hurt me. Why Prue? Why did he hurt Momma, why does he want to hurt me?"

"He's evil sweetie. Darkness always tries to destroy the light, but he won't get you. See, the light will always chase the darkness away. We're gonna chase him away forever!"

"Are you all witches just like Momma?"

Piper fielded that one. "We sure are, and if you want, you can be a witch too. Would you like that?"

Pana grinned from ear to ear. Her answer was obvious. She looked over to Prue. "I wanna be a good witch, cause I don’t wanna grow up and be bad like my Father."

Prue smiled warmly. "That could never happen Pana. There's no evil within you, and that's why your father wants to take you away. See, you are the only one who can destroy him, and we can help you do that. Can you be really really brave when he comes?"

Pana threw out her chest. "I can be very brave."

Piper put a hand to her forehead, and then closed her eyes. "Sister's, I think we're about to find out just how brave we all can be! Mordock is here!"

Phoebe grabbed Piper's hand, and Piper grabbed Pana's who in turned grabbed Prue's.

Prue looked down at Pana. "Do you see the Book of Shadow's before you? Do you think you can read it?”

Pana nodded.

“Great! Now all you have to do is say the spell along with us, and he won't be able to hurt you or any of us ever again. And this is very important, no m atter what happens, don't let go of my hand and don't stop saying the spell! You got that, big sis?” Prue added with a wink and a smile.

Pana returned the same, “I got it little sis.” Pana’s words were still in the air when a burst of flames exploded across the attic, and from the center of it stepped Mordock. He was in his human form: tall, slender and with long fiery red hair that matched Pana’s, but his eyes were the windows to his evil, and they burned a bright crimson. His voice roared, and filled the attic. "I have come for what is mine. Give the child to me, or I will destroy you all!"

Prue glared at him. "Listen tall, dark and demon! You're not taking Pana anywhere, and it's gonna be you who gets destroyed!"

Mordock laughed. "By you, and your pathetic little sisters? Really now, Prue, must I destroy all of you. Isn't killing your mother enough?"

Phoebe's eyes lit up. "Why you evil ... " Before Phoebe finished the sentence she glanced to the steamer trunk that Pana had hid behind earlier, and with a wave of her hand, sent it flying at Mordock.

Mordock waited until it was a few feet from him, and then blew out a shallow breath. The trunk shattered harmlessly before him.

"Really, girls, I haven't the time nor the patience for children's games."

Piper stepped forward. "Why don't you go straight to hell, Mordock!"

Mordock smiled at her. "Oh, I intend to, Piper. Just as soon as I pick up my daughter. Come, Pana. It's time to come home."

Pana squeezed Prue's hand. "I don't have to go anywhere with you. I'm not afraid. You can't hurt me!"

Mordock smiled again. "You are brave, and that's such a shame, because you would have made a wonderful princess. I could have given you a kingdom to rule, but those meddling witches have taken you from me. Now you are but an abomination, and I will destroy you as I did your mother."

His eyes then turned to Prue. "You know, Prue, you look an awful lot like your mother. I am still looking for a witch to have my child. You feeling lucky tonight Prue? Hmmm ... what do you say to that?"

Prue pointed to the Book of Shadows. "Here's what we all have to say to you Mordock!"

Pana and her three sisters began reading the spell.

“Darkness and Demon hear this spell The gates are open to the depths of hell The light has triumphed The dark has failed Evil has lost, and Goodness prevailed.

Mordock let out a mighty roar, and the attic began to shake violently again. Winds whipped through the girls hair and the attic window shattered sending glass showering over them. A chunk embedded itself into Piper’s left arm, and she fell to one knee, but still she continued to chant the spell.

We command you by the powers of goodness and light.

You are bound and enslaved by all that is right.

You are destroyed by the power, never again freed.

You are destroyed by the power, destroyed by your seed.

A final scream, and then a blinding white light engulfed Mordock. When the light finally faded, Mordock was gone. The spell had worked.

Pana hugged her sisters, and then looked at Piper's arm. "I think you are hurt bad. Do you want me to make it better? I can do that, you know."

Piper winced a painful smile at Pana. "That's okay, Pana. I can fix it. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I guess so, but what do we do now?"

Phoebe smiled, "I have some ideas!"

Piper shot her a glance. "Careful, Phoebe, she's only eight years old, remember?"

"Hey, how could I forget! Finally, I'm not the little sister anymore! Halleluiah!"

Pana looked up at Phoebe and pouted. "But you still ARE the little sister. I was borned before any of you, and I’m still the big sister, even if you are kind of bigger, lots bigger."

Piper smiled and winked at Prue. "Pana, I've got an idea. What do you say, you let us be your big sisters for awhile. You know, kinda like taking a vacation. Let us have a turn at being big sisters, and then whenever you want to be big sister again, it will be your turn. How’s that sound?"
Pana's eyes lit up. "Yeah, that would be kinda kewl. I really do need a vacation. It's not easy being a big sister. You guys can be a real handful at times, ya know?"

Prue's own words in an eight year old's voice came back to the three sisters, and they all laughed heartily.

Pana then turned to Prue. "When I grow up, will I really have witches powers like all of you?"

"I think so. We all had to find our own special gifts, and in time, you will too.”
“Can I see all your magic powers? Please ... ” Pana begged.

“Sure, I don’t see why not. Okay, Phoebe, show Pana what you got!"

"Well, you’ve already seen I can move things through the air, like that steamer trunk, but I can also stop time. For example ... " Phoebe grabbed a candleholder from the shelf and threw it high in the hair. Just before it hit the floor, she suspended time and stopped it’s fall. With a another wiggle of her fingers, the candleholder resumed its decent and crashed onto the wooden floor.

Pana’s eyes went wide as she smiled.
"Piper, you’re up!" Prue prompted.

"Well, sometimes I can get visions that allows me to see the future, and, ... sometimes I can vanish right before your--" Piper disappeared before she finished the sentence, and then reappeared behind Pana to finish the line. "--eyes!" Pana whirled round and stared at the smiling Piper with eyes still wide in amazement.

"That's so kewlies! What can you do Prue?"

"Well, sometimes I can read peoples minds, kind of like, I know your favorite food is pizza, and you are very hungry right now!"

Pana eyed her suspiciously. "Aw, that ain't nothing, Prue. You always knowed I like pizza, and you probably heard my belly growling."

Prue smiled at her with mischief in her eyes. "Take my hand 'O ye of little faith'. I also have one other little power. It's not really much, but it has gotten me places."

Pana felt herself lifting off the ground and she quickly realized she was Flying, flying with Prue.

"Wow! You can really fly!"

"Yeah, I can fly, but short trips only."

Prue took her once around the attic and then returned her to the floor.

Pana sighed, "I wished I had magic powers."

Prue reassured her. "Trust me Pana, you will find them, I promise."

Prue then addressed her sisters. "Well, sisters. We all have work to do. Phoebe you want to call the insurance agent about the window damage? There goes the deductible again!” Prue shook head and sighed.

“I wanna help Prue. What can I do?”, Pana begged as she pulled on Prue’s sleeve.

“Okay, you can hold the dust pan while I sweep up some of this broken glass, but be careful not to get cut, okay?”

“Okay!”

“And Miss Piper you better get down stairs and clean that cut. We might have to take you to the hospital for stitches. That looks pretty nasty."

Pana ran up to Piper. "Can I try and make it better sissy? Please? Just one time, please?"

Piper smiled down at her. "Okay, sis, work your best magic."

Pana raised her left hand over Piper's arm, closed her eyes and ran her hand back and forth just above Piper's cut. Piper's eyes went wide as she felt the pain disappear from her arm. Pana then placed her hand on the wound itself and when she lifted it again, the wound was gone. then Pana kissed Piper's arm and smiled at her.

"You don’t really got to kiss it to make it better, I just like to do that cause that’s what Mommy always did. See Piper, I told you I would make it better."

Piper stared in disbelief. "It's ... it’s totally healed, I can't believe it."

“Hey”, Prue lit up, “Somehow Mom must have known all along. Panacea was the name of a Greek Goddess with the power to heal.”

Phoebe smiled. "I think we found Pana’s first gift!"

Prue corralled her sisters into a group hug "You know what, the heck with the house. Let's go out and have that pizza that Pana's thinking about. It is her birthday, you know! And we should have a celebration."

Pana's eyes filled with delight. "I bet I’m the luckiest girl in the whole world. I got three big little sisters who are witches, and I'm going to be a witch too!"

Prue held the birthday girl tight. "That's right, sweetheart. Always remember, you will always be our "charmed kitten."

As Piper finished the story, shen smiled at Paige, “And Prue was right, you know. Pana really was a charmed kitten, so of course we had to do a little manipulating of the facts. We couldn’t bring Pana back as our true sister, so we called in a few favors, got creative with a few documents and officially adopted her from a since closed children’s home. Only Dad knew the real truth. And there was some settling in adjustments”, Piper rolled her eyes and giggled.

“Yeah”, Phoebe laughed, “there sure was. Let’s just say it took Pana a little while to get used to not being the bossy big sister.”

“I’ll say! You should of seen some of the bedtime battles she and Prue had. I’m not so sure that there wasn’t just a little demon left in those red-haired pigtails of her, “Piper teased.

Paige laughed too. Even if she hadn’t known either Pana or Prue, it didn’t take much imagination to see the two “big” sisters squaring off.

“And of course there was the problem of Pana’s gift”, Phoebe sighed. “Getting her first power at such a young age was both a godsend and a curse.”

Paige nodded, “I can think I understand. She probably wanted to go around healing everything she saw hurt or broken, from butterfly wings to skinned knees on her classmates.”

“Exactly!”, Piper confirmed as she took a sip of her tea. “We had some long discussions with her trying to explain why we couldn’t let the rest of the world know we were witches.”

“So did she understand?”

“Oh she understood the rules”, Phoebe said with a grin. “Understanding them was never a problem for Pana. Minding them however, was another story. Actually several stories for another time.”
Paige looked forward to hearing those stories as she knew there would be more laughs to follow, but it was this story she needed to hear the end of, and she knew it was going to be sad.

“What ... what happened to Pana? Did Mordock return or did some other demon avenge his death?”

Paige looked to Phoebe and the youngest Halliwell finished the tale. “No, we vanquished Mordock, he’s one dead demon, and no dark forces took Pana from us. Actually it was just a very mortal, very tragic accident.”

“One Prue never forgave herself for.” Piper shook her head and sighed.

“What happened?”

“Well ... it was a cold March afternoon, pretty much just like today,” Phoebe started again. “Piper and I were up at P-3’s, and Prue was home to collect Pana from school. The bus stops across the street at about 4 and one of us are always waiting to walk Pana to the house. That day however, the bus was early, and Prue was a little later than usual. When she walked out the door she saw Pana trying to cross the street herself. She called out to her to wait, but Pana couldn’t hear her. And Pana being the headstrong little girl she was, thought she could do it all by herself.”

Paige felt her heart sink and her stomach churn, she knew what was coming before Phoebe could say the next words.

“Prue saw the car coming. Pana never did. If Prue could have flown there in time, she would of. If I’d been there I’d stopped time and saved Pana, but there was nothing Prue could do except watch helplessly.”

Tears started flowing from Phoebe’s eyes and Piper had to finish. “It wasn’t the driver’s fault. Pana just darted out. Prue grabbed Pana and ran back to the house and called Leo. He got there as quick as he could, but .. but it was too late. She was gone.”
Piper’s eyes were now filled with tears.

“I’m ... I’m so sorry”, Paige’s own heart was breaking, “but it wasn’t Prue’s fault. She couldn’t have known the bus would be early? Premonitions are your gift, Piper.”

“You’re right Paige, and I didn’t have one about Pana’s death, or I would have been there. Truth is ... some things are just meant to be and not all the love in the world or witchcraft can change it. We knew that and Prue knew that, but she still blamed herself to the very day she died, six months later.”

“I ... I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose a sister, and then to find her, only to lose her once again,” Paige said, tears now in her own eyes.

“Well ... ” Phoebe forced a smile through her tears, “it does hurt, every bit as much as losing Prue, even though we didn’t have Pana as long, but we did have five months together, five pretty happy months for all of us, and we’ll always have the memories.”

“And that’s why you kept Pana’s room like that, sort of a special place to remember her?”

“Uh huh ... we just couldn’t do anything else. We just sort of felt her presence there. I guess it was a way to stay connected.” Piper sniffled back fresh tears. “Prue would sit in there for hours and talk to her. I don’t know if Pana could hear her, but Prue still needed to talk, talk to her big sister.”

“And Paige”, Phoebe took her sister’s hand, “that’s why we sealed the room and didn’t tell you about Pana. We just needed some time, and thought you did too.”

Paige pulled Phoebe in for a hug, “It’s okay sis, I understand now. I really do, but there’s still one thing I don’t understand: that giggle. I heard it downstairs, at the top of the stairs, and in Pana’s room.”

“Yes”, Piper’s azure blues lit up, “And we still don’t know who broke the protection spell on the room.”

It was then all three heard the giggle that Paige had heard earlier. It was the same giggle that Prue swore she’d heard when she’d been sitting alone in Pana’s room, but neither Piper nor Phoebe had heard before, until today.
Piper now playing big sister, grabbed Phoebe and Paige’s hand. “C’mon I got an idea and it’s gonna take all three of us to see if I am right.”

Paige and Phoebe were pulled along like rag doll little sisters as Piper led them up the stairs to Pana’s room.

Once inside, Piper made her confession. “Okay look, I don’t know if this is going to work, but ... I did have a premonition this morning.”

“What premonition? You didn’t say anything about that?”, Phoebe fired at her sister.

“Yeah I know”, Piper hung her head, “Guilty as charged alright, but ... it wasn’t very clear and I ... I didn’t want to get our hopes up.”

“C’mon Piper, spill it!”, Paige pushed her. “What did you see?”

“It was more hearing than seeing. It was that giggle, I just kept hearing it and then ... well ... then I saw Pana’s room and I think the three of us were in there and ... and I think I saw Pana, and Prue, too, but it wasn’t very clear and then it was gone. I’m just not sure okay. I don’t want to get my hopes up like the last time.”

The last time being when Piper tried to bring back Prue using the spell to recall a lost witch. She did succeed in bringing back a lost witch, but it wasn’t Prue and it nearly destroyed the Charmed Ones.
“It’s okay, Piper”, Phoebe hugged her sister. “The important thing is we are here now, and if there’s any chance ... any chance at all we can contact Pana or Prue, we have to go for it.”

“You’re right, but aside from being here in Pana’s room, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if there’s a spell we should say, or anything”.

“Look, I know I’m pretty new to this and I don’t have your power of premonition, Piper, but I’ve got that women’s intuition thing going again. The same feeling that told me to open the door to Pana’s room is telling me to try something now.”

“Hey, girl”, Phoebe smiled, “Women’s intuition works for me. Let’s go for it.”

“Count me in!”, Piper made it unanimous.

“Okay, here goes nothing”, Paige wished aloud, “Let’s hold hands so we have the power of three, and just open our hearts and our minds and think of Prue and Pana. I know its not the power of magic, but it is the power of love, and that’s been known to be responsible for a few miracles throughout history.”

The three girls then closed their eyes and concentrated on Prue and Pana. Phoebe and Piper relived cherished memories they’d shared with their two fallen sisters, and Paige who’d never had that chance, simply opened her heart and sent out love, welcoming home thge two sisters she'd never known.” A minute passed, maybe two, and then the giggling returned, only this time stronger, and closer than ever before, and when a child’s soft voice called out, “Piper, Phoebe!” the three witches opened their eyes to see a miracle that love, with a boost from magic, had performed.

There, not more than eight feet away stood Prue and Pana, both images smiling and sparkling with the same white light as Grams’s.
Phoebe and Piper called out to their sisters and started for them as Paige stood back letting the foursome have their moment, but Prue stopped them in their tracks.

“Stop ... please don’t come any closer, you might disturb the field. It’s taking nearly all my power, and Grams’s too, just to bring Pana and I through this far. In fact, we still couldn’t have made it without the power of three. Thank goodness you heard Pana and figured it out.”

“Oh Prue, oh Pana, we’ve missed you so much”, Piper cried. “I tried to bring you back.”

“I know, sis, and I’ve missed you too, but I’ve got work here to do. I’m helping Mom, Grams, Grandma and all the Halliwell witches who have passed on. You don’t what we're fighting ... the battle never ends.”

“I ... missed you toos”, Pana sniffled as she reached out toward Piper, but was held back by Prue’s firm grip and that big sister 'look'.

“Oh Pana, we love you very much,” Phoebe cried.
Paige stepped forward, “Prue, Pana ... I ummm ... glad to finally get to meet you. I just wish ... well, you know”.

“Yeah, I know”, Prue said with the loving smile of a big sister, “Me too, but the important thing is that you’ve come home and the power of three is back again. You three have your work on your side, just as we have ours. Together we will defeat the darkness.”

“Paige?”, a soft voice called out.

“Yes, honey?”

“That was me giggling, ya know”.

“Yes, I kinda figured that,” the young woman answered with a giggle of her own.

“I sure wish I could hug you Paige, and you too, Phoebe and Piper.”

Paige sighed sadly, tears welling in her eyes, “I wish you could too, sis. I wish you could with all my heart.”

And then a voice familiar to all the Halliwell girls save for Paige called out in barely a whisper. “Then I think my girls should hug.”

“Mom! Mom, you’re here?”, called out Piper and Phoebe.

“I don’t know how, but she’s here, and so is Gran and ... and so is about every Halliwell witch on this side,” Prue said in disbelief.

Again the soft voice spoke, “Well go on, girls, we don’t have much time, and that means you too, Paige, you’re all sisters.”
The three sisters on their side of the light watched in amazement as Prue and Pana’s forms stopped sparkling and became solid. Pana looked up at Prue, who nodded her permission and Pana pounced into the arms of Paige who was the closest. Paige wrapped her arms round her big little sister and hugged her tightly.

Prue, Piper and Phoebe joined the twosome in an all sister’s group hug, and for that moment, if only for that moment, all the girls were home, and the power of five was complete.

“Welcome home, Paige”, Prue said lovingly to her new sister.
“Yeah, welcome home Paige”, Pana seconded happily and added a kiss for good measure.

Paige could only manage a weak “I love you”, which was echoed by all her sister’s before the love and magic that had made the miracle possible, finally could hold it no longer.

Prue and Pana’s form began to sparkle once again. Prue called out, “I love you sisters ... take care, and watch out for those demons, okay?”

“We will Prue”, Piper smiled through her tears. “And you take care too, alright?”

Pana then stole the show, by stealing the last line, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her. I am the big sister, ya know.”

Prue rolled her eyes as Pana blew the threesome a kiss, and then they were gone.

There were no words now, just three sisters feeling the love of two others and knowing that they would never ever really be separated, not even by death.

Piper took Paige’s hand and then Phoebe’s. “C’mon girls, lets get ready. I feel like a night at P-3’s.”

The three sister’s walked out of the room, but Paige quickly returned to shut the door to Pana’s room. She stopped for a moment and took one last look round the room. Saying goodbye didn’t seem appropriate so she just blew out a kiss and said, “See ya later sis.”

Paige thought she heard a giggle as she closed the door, but she wasn’t sure, as Phoebe and Piper were having a very loud discussion over who was the owner of a certain blue dress. Paige giggled and went to join the fun, as things were normal, or as normal as they ever were for three sisters, charmed or otherwise.

HUGGLES ALL!

Darla and Molly

by Maggie O'Malley and shalimar

Note: The Transgender element is based on previous stories.

Shelly waited patiently with the rest of the parents, as one by one the kids came out the door of the school. As each child exited they would scan the crowd for their momma or daddy's familiar face, seeing it, they would smile broadly and run to them. The equally happy parent would kneel down to catch the flying bundle of love and wrap their arms around the child. The little boy or girl would then take their parent's hand and walk toward the car, excitedly filling them in on today's adventures in school.

Shelly had checked her car’s clock as the steady stream of children started to pass her. She still couldn't believe she had made it clear across town in less than fifteen minutes. Of course, had her meeting with the publisher actually taken place when it was scheduled to, she wouldn't have had to drive like she was in the Daytona 500.

The thought of that man still raised her anger. Five more minutes of waiting and she would have walked out on him, and she wouldn't have cared if he was THE MAN in the business or not. Margaret Baruchah, or Maggie as she was usually called, and Baruchah Miriam were two of the most important LITTLE GIRLS in Shelly's world and she was not about to have her princesses walk out that door and find no one waiting for them.

The young woman smiled at a few familiar adult faces, and one mother commented on how nice she looked today. Shelly graciously accepted the compliment before turning her attention back to the double doors and the stream of children. Actually, she was by far the best-dressed parent this afternoon. Obviously, she hadn't had time to go home first and slip into something a little more casual. The 5'5” slender woman with Mediterranean complexion and Mongolian slant eyes cut quite an image in her peach "power suit". She had dressed to the nines today, right down to the three inch heels, which were killing her tiny feet at the moment. She had even stopped and had both hair and nails done. Her beautiful waist length mane with its incredible shades of natural color, had been meticulously French braided, and her peach colored nails were long and lovely. She was dressed to impress, but after cooling her three inch heels for nearly an hour and half, she just about walked those shapely legs right back out the front door having never gotten the chance to impress.

When the secretary told her for the umpteenth time that Mr. Richardson was still busy on a conference call and that perhaps she should call tomorrow to reschedule, she had finally had enough. Walking past the surprised secretary, she opened the door to the boss’s office and stormed in with manuscript in hand. The gentleman was leaned back in his chair, feet up on the desk, puffing on a cigar and laughing into the phone. The man's eyes grew wide as the pretty goddess with hypnotic hazel eyes entered the room. This vision of loveliness gave him a cold hard stare as she slammed the folder down on his desk. The dumbstruck publisher immediately hung up the phone and then in his haste to get up and greet the Venus that stood before him, literally fell out of his chair, sending both him and the foul smelling cigar to the floor.

Glancing up at her from all fours, he smiled hungrily as he spoke. "Uh...you must be Ms. Shalamar. If I knew there was such a lovely lady waiting for me outside, I'd never kept you waiting. In fact, I feel SO guilty about you having to wait that I think you should let me take you to a late lunch. I know a cozy little spot where we can discuss your book and get to know each other a little better if you know what I mean. How's that grab you, sweet cakes?"

Shelly shot daggers at him. It was bad enough he had kept her waiting that long, but for the letch to make a pass at her like that, and then to call her "sweet cakes". Well ... this couldn't go unpunished.

He was acting like some mangy mutt chasing the scent of a bitch in heat, and as he was still down on all fours, the young woman just couldn't resist giving the "dog" an obedience lesson. Shelly was more than just a talented writer and loving mother, she was also a genuine spell slinging witch. However, her powers were actually a gift from G_d, and in most circumstances she used them to physically heal broken bodies and troubled souls. Of course, once in awhile she would meet someone like Perry Richardson, and well...

An impish grin turned at the corners of the witch's lips as she spoke, "How does this grab YOU, sweet cakes!"

The beautiful witch snapped her fingers and the two legged dog became a genuine four legged version. The homely hound immediately put its tail between its legs and began whining at the young woman. Shelly shook her finger at the dog as it cowered down.

"You better behave yourself boy, or I'm gonna call the dog pound! Now, are you ready to get down to business or do I need to call the vet and make you an appointment to get you neutered?"

The dog hunkered down and put both paws over its eyes. The young witch laughed, content she'd made her point. Figuring he'd lived a dog's life long enough, and feeling just a tad bit guilty about abusing her gift, she snapped her fingers again and the two legged version was back, obviously shaken and much more well heeled. He had no recollection of the events that had just transpired, although that vasectomy surgery his wife had been nagging him about unexplainably came to mind.

Shelly smiled demurely. "Mr. Richardson. I'm Shelly Johnson, my penname is shalimar and I believe we had a meeting to discuss my book."

The prone publisher apologized as he scrambled to get off the floor. "Uh...it's a pleasure to meet you Ms. Shalamar, and I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. Won't you please sit down and show me what you've got."

Smiling nervously he quickly added, "I mean what you've got for me to read that is."

Shelly could barely hide her smile as she began her presentation. Thirty minutes later, the young authoress walked out of the publisher's office with a contract for her new book, a check in hand and twenty-five minutes of driving to do in fifteen if she was going to pick up her daughters on time.

The young mother noticed Baruchah and Maggie's teacher, Miss Thompson, standing by the door letting her brood out. Usually the twins were among the first few kids out the door, but surprisingly, twenty kids passed by Shelly before her daughters finally came into view. Maggie, the auburn haired five-year-old with her mother's dark complexion and green eyes was dressed in blue jeans and a Lady and the Tramp t-shirt. Baruchah, her red haired twin, also had blue jeans that had become capris, but had a Grlls Rule t-shirt. MaggPie and Baru stopped at the doorway and sheepishly glanced up at their teacher. The young woman handed her students a note and then ushered the little girls out the door. They saw their momma waiting for them and immediately dropped their heads, trudging across the sidewalk, slower than molasses just out of the refrigerator on a cold winter’s day, until they reached her.

Shelly knelt down and immediately pulled her little blessings into her arms. She could feel the children trembling against her. When she released the embrace, she gently raised her daughters’ fallen faces to meet hers and she could see tears welling in both children’s eyes.

The concerned young mother looked toward the teacher at the door and was greeted by a warm smile and a gesture telling her to calm down.

Shelly nodded and then returned her attention to her daughters, "Maggie honey, are you all right? Baruchah, are you sick? Did something happen in school today?"

The little girls sniffled back tears as they spoke.

"Wes, wes gotted in twuble today momma,” Maggie admitted.

“Wes got dis note for you from Miss Thompson,” Baruchah added as she handed her mother the note.

“We tink it says what wes done,” Maggie continued.

Shelly took the note and quickly deposited it her bag.

Taking Baruchah and Maggie's hands in hers, she squeezed them lovingly as she spoke, "I think I'd rather you tell me what happened. Can you do that for momma?"

Baruchah sniffled again and said, "Uh huh".

The young mother smiled at her troubled tikes and praised them, "Good! That's momma's big girls. Now, before we get to the car and you tell me all about it, I think two little girls owe their momma kisses and REAL hugs!"

A hint of a smile crept across the twins’ sad faces, as the little girls launched themselves back into their mother’s arms, this time hugging her tightly and showering her with tiny kisses.

Shelly savored the sweet moment before finally taking the children by the hand and leading them to the car. The young woman helped the little girls up into the back seat of the tall SUV and buckled them in.

Reaching her hands across the seat she took her daughters' gently in hers. She tried to reassure the children before Maggie began her tale. "Baruchah and Baruchah", she said softly. Baruchah means "blessing" in the Hebrew language and in Shelly's eyes her daughters had been all of that. Whenever she felt she really needed to state her love for her daughters, she often called them by MaggPie’s middle and Baruchah’s first name.

Their momma's intuition told her this was going to be one of those times and she continued, "You know your momma loves you no matter what. Just tell me the truth and I'll bet you'll both feel a whole lot better."

As Shelly continued to hold the children's hands, she could feel the trembling start again as the MaggPie spoke, "Momma, wes dided sometins kinda weal bad, and wes haded to sit at our desks ins time out for a whole longs time. Wes tink you is gonna be mad wiff us."

The young mother sighed and lovingly caressed both girls' hands, "Baby, I'm not going to mad with you. I may be disappointed when either of you don't act like big girls, but I will never be mad with you. Now, tell me what happened so you and I can fix this all up, okay?"

Baruchah smiled weakly at her mother, "Otay momma."

Baruchah took a deep breath, let it out and then began again, "Momma, we was makin picshures wiff paints and bwushes today. Miss Thompson tolded us we could paints anyting we wants to and I tolded her I was gonna paints da pwettiest ting in da whole world. I was gonna paints YOUR picture, momma."

The young mother's heart swelled with love and pride for her little blessings. She hardly felt worthy of the title of "most prettiest thing in the whole world", but she loved hearing those words from either of her little girls and she would cherish that painting with all her heart. Shelly would have gladly traded two Rembrandt's hanging in the Louvre, for one Maggie masterpiece to display on the refrigerator.

Noticing her little artist was not carrying the painting in her hand, she inquired as to its whereabouts, "Baruchah, I bet you did a very good job. If you have it in your backpack, I'd love to see it."

The little girl dropped her head and sighed heavily, "I ain't gots it momma. It kinda gotted all messed up and dat's when wes kinda gotted in twuoble a whole bunch."

Shelly leaned across the seat and kissed her daughter lightly on the cheek.

Her green eyes offered encouragement to the shaken child, "That's okay, baby. Why don't you finish telling momma what happened."

Baruchah nodded as Maggie began again, "Momma wes was paintin weal good. I saw dat Baru putted a whole bunch of colors in your hair to makes it all preddy, just wikes your weal hairs, and she gibed you big gween eyes and she dwessed you up all well pweddy and gibed you a big ol' momma smile too! But...but...sees well, Kennedy was paintin next to hers, and we no wikes her bery much cause her makes fun of da kids who ain't gotted nice stuff wike her's gots, and dat's weal mean and, and it kinda gets me alls mad."

Shelly smiled and pushed a stray curl from her daughter’s face, "I know all about Kennedy. We've talked about her before and I've been very proud of you for not fighting with her. Was she being mean to someone today?"

Maggie nodded and pointed a finger to her sister, "Hers was trying to be all means wiff Baru! Her looked at her picshure and asked her whats dat she was paintin and hers tolded her it was yours picshure. She looked ated it all funny and tolded me dat it was stupid cause aints nobody gotted all dem colors in deir hair. I, I tolded her dat you dided and den her saided I was lying and that kinda maded me mad cause I wasn't lying momma."

Baruchah hesitated a moment and looked up sheepishly at her mother, "Dat's when I kinda done da furst bad ting. I tolded Kennedy our secwet. I didn't means to but it kinda jumped out of my mouff for I could stops it. I tolded her dat you was a witch and dat's why you gots all dem colors in your hair and dat I was a witch too!"

Baruchah trembled with shame and guilt, "Momma I is so sowwy. I knows we big girl pwomised not to tells nobody, but, but Kennedy maded me all mad and, and den I gotted eben mores madder when she said I was lying and, and den I tolded her. I'm sowwy momma. I is weally sowwy lots."

Tears rolled down the face of the little witch, as she was heartbroken for betraying a promise to her momma.

The young mother pulled her daughter close, comforting the child with a warm embrace and soft words, "It's okay baby. Momma is not mad at you. I know you didn't mean to do it. You were upset and I can understand why. No one likes to be called a liar. So, what did Kennedy say when you told her that you and I were witches?"

Baruchah pulled back from her momma's side to face her as Maggie spoke. "Her still no bewieve hers, momma. Her saided hers was still lying and dat we wasn't no witches and dat witches don't gots no purdy hair wikes you gots momma. She said they is all olds and means and ugly and dey eats little kids! I kinda started gettin weally weally mad den momma and I tolded her to takes it back cause you ain't none of dem tings, but hers wouldn't. Her gots Alicia and Trevor to comes look at Baru’s picshure and her asked dem if it looked likes a witch and dey saided no cause all da witches dey eber seened was on bwooms and was weal bad and weren't none of dem eber nice or purddy."

Shelly rubbed Maggie’s shoulders. Sadly, most of the world did think that all witches were something out of a Halloween tale. How surprised would they be if they knew how many real life Samantha's from Bewitched really existed?

With her mother's encouragement, Maggie continued, "Den Kennedy tolded dem dat Baruchah said me you and hers was weal witches and dey wooked at us’es all weirds and den Kennedy started laughing at me. I tolded them it was true momma, but they wouldn't no bewieve mees. Kennedy saided if wes was a weal witch dat I could do some magic and pwove it."

The young woman's eyes went wide. Baruchah and Maggie was just beginning apprentices, but they knew enough to raise a little magic and if either of them sent a fireball across their daycare classroom, Shelly just might not be able to explain her way out of that one.

Now it was the adult witch who trembled slightly, "Baruchah, Maggie, please tell momma you didn't raise a fireball or try to cast a spell, did you?"

The mother breathed a sigh of relief as her daughters shook their heads back and forth.

"No momma. I wanted to,” they both said. “I wanted to so weal bad, but, but wes membered dat wes pwomised not neber to do no magics no more wiffout yous dere, so wes tolded Kennedy dat wes could does magic and stuff if wes wanted toos, but wes weren't not louds to. Her tolded us dat wes were just lying and we couldn't weally do nothing no how. Trevor and Alicia kinda belwieved her and dey wooked at wes all sad and den dey wented backs and painted some more.

“I was so sad dat eberybody thoughted wes was liars and weal mad at Kennedy for saying bad tings bouts me, yous and Maggie,” Baruchah explained. “But I just turned awound and started paintins some more, cause you tolded me not to get mads wiff her."

Shelly hugged her little girl tightly. It had been a few years since the young woman had been in primary school, but she still remembered how cruel children could be to other kids whom they perceived as being different. Shelly had been one of those "different" kids, and the wounds she’d received at the hands of certain classmates had been deep and painful.

Turning her thoughts back to Maggie, she tried to comfort the saddened children, "Girls, darlings, I know you were telling the truth and it doesn't matter if Kennedy Harper believes you or not, and I'm real proud of you for not using magic and for not fighting with her."

Once again tears welled in the little girls’ eyes.

"Momma I no tinks you is gonna be so pwouds of us’es no more cause wes kinda sorta fighted wiff her a liddle bit,” Maggie continued. I tinks her gots all mad wiff Baru cause hers wented back to paintin and den her comes obers to Baru and sez how comes if you is my momma why aint’s you gots red hair and fweckles likes hers gots. Hers toughted for a minute and dens hers tolded her hers dunnos and for hers to leaves hers alone, but, but den hers taked hers liddle can of red paint and thowed it on Baru’s picshure of you momma and her saided dat you gots red hairs and frweckles now. Momma, she messed up da whole picshure and her no could fixes it and Baru gotted so mad hers started crwying. Dat's kinda when I sorta done sometin bad. I tooked my can of red paint and dumped it on Kennedy’s head and, and den I tolded her that now HERS gotted wed hairs and fweckles too!"

Shelly imagined the picture of that hateful little Barbie drenched in red paint and she was tempted to giggle like a school girl Maggie's age, but she knew Maggie was feeling terrible guilt for what she had done and thinking she had disappointed her momma.

She pulled the little imp close again, "Maggie, you shouldn't have done it, and you know that, but I am not mad with you. What Kennedy did was very hateful and when I was your age there were a few Kennedy's in my class and well, sometimes I sort of lost my temper too and did a few things I shouldn't have. You might say we could both use a few anger management classes."

Maggie's eyes grew wide and she smiled, "You did momma, weally you dids? Whats did you does to your Kennedy?"

Shelly rolled her eyes and decided not to give her daughter any ideas and then got her back on the subject at hand, "We'll talk about that another time. Right now I want you to tell me what happened after you dumped the paint on Kennedy.”

Baruchah continued, “I sorta did da same onlys I uses blue and, and I saided now yous habs colors in yous hair.”

Baruchah sighed, "Well, her started scweamin weal loud. Da paints kinda colds and I tinks it sorta gotted into paces you no wants paints ins and dats kinda when Miss Thompson comed over and Kennedy was cwying and her saided wes started it, buts we tolded her dat Kennedy thowed paint on my picshure furst. Miss Thompson haded to take Kennedy to da baffroom and get her all cweaned up and den her momma camed and gotted her and took her home. Miss Thompson had us’es sit with her for a whole longs time and wes tolded her eberyting, and I dont tinks her weally baleeves we is witches, but hers didn't no laughs at me likes da udder kids does. I tinks her knows dat Kennedy started it, cause hers da teachur and dey is likes mommas, dey catches you lots when you does bad tings. Her tolded wes no can puts paint on peobles eben if dey is bein all means wiff us’es, and dat wes shoulda tolded her stead of gettins all mad. Den her tolded us dat wes is weal good girls most of da times and dat wes ain't never done nuttins like this fore, so wes wasn't weally in twouble, but her wanted us’es to sit at us’es desks all quiet and stuff and tinks bout what wes done."

Shelly smiled lovingly at her daughters, "Baruchah, Maggie, Miss Thompson is right. You really should have told her what Kennedy did, and you are very good girls. This is the first time you have ever done anything like this. You are just going to have to watch that temper of yours, little ones."

Maggie's bottom lip dropped, and she started breathing heavy as the tears came. "Momma, Becky kinda, kinda always sorta watched obers wes. Ebery time dat dumbed ol Kennedy twied to getted us’es all, all mads and stuffs Becky comed ober and gibed us’es a hug or tolded us’es sometin weal good to members cause hers was so smart, and, and den wes no be mads no more, but, but...Becky ain't here...no mores and, and I misses hers too much, momma."

The little girls began sobbing and Shelly pulled them up on her lap and rocked the children in her arms.

Cooing softly she tried to comfort Maggie as her own eyes filled with tears as Baruchah started to cry, "Shhh...now Baruchah. It's going to be okay. I know you miss and love Becky, we all do."

“Yes, Baruchah,” Shelly told her other daughter. “It’s alright to cry for Becky.”

Becky was Baruchah and Maggie's cousin and the best friend to the twins, other than each other. The loving little eight-year-old was the eldest of two girls that Shelly's sister Jenna had. Shelly's little niece was a shining light to all who knew her, but sadly that light all to soon left this world as the little Earth angel had lost her battle with cancer over a week ago, and then went onto to become a heavenly angel.

The entire family was still grief stricken and even though Shelly and Jenna had worked hard to convince Baruchah and Maggie that Becky was all happy now and being watched over by angels in a special play place for kids, the little girl heart still ached from missing her best playmate.

Shelly also realized this outburst by her daughters had probably been triggered more by the pain of losing Becky, than it had been by Kennedy and the ruined pictures. Shelly cuddled her daughters tightly and blew a sigh of relief. Kennedy had gotten off lucky. Baruchah and Maggie didn't have much skill with magic at their age, but the power was there deep inside. Provoked by the intense pain and anger the children was feeling, they could easily have tapped into that power and given Kennedy something far worse than a red and blue paint shampoo.

Shelly continued to rock and offer what comfort she could to her babies, "Maggie, Baruchah, you know Becky is up in the Play Place right now but she can see us from there, and if you talk to her she can hear you. Whenever bad things like this happen, you should talk to Becky just like you would if she was standing here and she will answer you through your heart. If you give her a chance she'll help you do the right thing. Okay?"

The cuddled children didn't speak. They only nodded and held onto their mother tightly. Shelly held them for a while, trying to pull the pain from the little girl's heart as best as she could.

Finally momma kissed the little girls on the forehead, strapped them into their child seats and smiled lovingly at them, "Baruchah, Maggie, you know I'm going to have to go to school with you tomorrow and talk to Miss Thompson. I'm going to offer to replace Kennedy's dress and speak with her mother if she wants to discuss this. I also think you should both apologize to Miss Thompson AND to Kennedy for what happened? Do you think you can do that?"

The little girls rubbed their eyes and spoke together, "Yes momma, wes can does dat. Becky would wants us’es to does dat too, I bets. Huh momma?”

Shelly drew her daughters close one last time and spoke softly, "Yes my babies, I know she would."

Both mother and daughters were a little drained, but all felt better and were finally ready to head home. Shelly went up front to the driver’s seat. She frowned, as she had to literally scale the side of the vehicle to get in. She’d had to take her husband's car that day as her little Mustang was in the shop. She shook her head as she wondered what it is about men that make them buy these huge monsters. Blaming it on testosterone like she did with most of men's strange behavior, she slid into the front seat next to Maggie. Shelly pulled the huge SUV out of the parking lot, still wondering why on Earth her husband would ever want such a tank.

‘Maybe,’ she giggled silently to herself. ‘We should call this monster, “Sherman.”’

The discussion on the way home was much lighter. Shelly had told the kids about how her new book was getting published, obviously omitting the canine caper she’d pulled. She also told them that Jenna had called and asked if her twins and little Michelle might come spend the weekend with Cathleen, Becky's little three-year-old sister and her. The mothers felt it would do all the children some good to be close to each other at a time like this, and Maggie loved her Aunt Jenna with all her heart.

Maggie's green and Baruchah’s hazel eyes perked up immediately at the thought of a weekend at Aunt Jenna's house and it warmed the mother's heart to finally see her little girls smile happily. There had been far too much sadness that day and in the last week.

As they pulled up in front of the house, Baruchah faithfully promised to color her momma a brand new picture of her while she was at Aunt Jenna's this weekend.

“Me toos!” added Maggie.

Shelly smiled and promised to clear a space on the refrigerator for them.

Shelly parked the monster and nearly sprained an ankle trying to parachute out. She then went around to the back seat, collected her twin imps and carried them up toward the house. Baruchah and Maggie were hardly tiny babies anymore, but Shelly always loved the feeling of having her children safe in her arms and the twins seemed to never get tired of being held.

Expertly balancing the children in her arms, she managed to get the keys from her purse, and unlock the door to enter the house. Norman, Shelly's husband, was home, having volunteered to take care of little Michelle that afternoon. Their other children hadn’t gotten home from school yet. Angela and Elsa had cheerleader practice. Kay and Steffie were on the softball team. The rest were in clubs or at friends.

The young mother deposited her precious cargo on the floor and then sent them off to their room to put away their book bags and change out of their school clothes. She then gave her husband a kiss.

“Miriam is asleep in the playpen,” he assured her. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to do some work in the garage.”

The little girls smiled and then scampered off toward their bedroom, but stopped half way down the hall to turn and address her mother, "Momma, if wes not's in twoubles, does wes still gets our juice box and tweat?"

Shelly smiled lovingly at her hungry hug monsters, "Yes, Baruchah and Maggie you still get your afternoon snacks. Now hurry up and get changed, I've got a surprise for both of you."

"Surprise" is right up there with candy and toys when it comes to favorite words with children, and the twins smiled broadly as they heard it, so of course, they just had to ask the perfectly logical question, "Momma, whats is it?"

The young mother rolled her eyes and laughed, "Now if I told you, they wouldn't be surprises. Now go get changed, little ladies, and when you come back they will be waiting for you."

The twins left the word, "Otay!" hanging in the air as they went flying into their room, both they and the book bags quickly disappearing behind a slamming door.

Shelly hurried into her bedroom, and quickly returned with two gift wrapped fifteen inch square boxes. Setting the boxes on the table, she went to the kitchen, and grabbed two juice boxs from the refrigerator and about four Fig Newtons from the cookie jar.

Placing them next to the package, she sat down on the couch and waited, knowing her twins wouldn't keep her waiting long, as the little quick change artists would have made runway models proud at the record time they made shimmying in and out of clothes.

Shelly heard the bedroom door slam and seconds later her little girls were at her side, hungrily eyeing all the gifts for them.

Smiling excitedly at the large ones in the middle, they begged to open them immediately. The young mother handed them the gift wrapped parcels, and told the girls not to open them, but to sit next to her as she had something to tell them first.

Maggie and Baruchah picked up their boxes and slipped in next to their mother, playing with the colorful ribbons and aching to see what lay beneath the pink and blue paper.

Shelly took her little girls’ hands as she spoke, "Baruchah and Maggie, this gift comes from Rostock, Druscilla and from your dad and me."

The little girls smiled broadly as the gifts became even more special now. Rostock and Druscilla were unicorns, and Baruchah and Maggie had been permitted to be there when Drucilla had given birth to her daughter, Mariah. Had Shelly and Norman not been there, Mariah would not have survived. The cord had gotten wrapped around the foal's neck, but fortunately Shelly was able to remove it in time.

Baruchah and Maggie had been mesmerized by the entire event and stared with wonder at the wobbling unicorn as it suckled at its momma’s breast. When Mariah saw Baruchah and Maggie, she immediately went to them and the three children had quickly bonded.

Maggie and Baruchah had always wished for unicorns of their own, and with Rostock and Druscilla's permission and Shelly's help, their wish would soon be fulfilled. The parent's agreed to let the three children bond and in essence belong to each other, as no one truly owns a unicorn, any more than one person could own another. A unicorn is a beautiful magical spirit that is not unlike that of a child, and if we are fortunate enough, sometimes will grace us with their presence. Baruchah, Maggie and Mariah were fortunate children, as they not only had loving parents, but now had each other.

Maggie and Baruchah were looking forward to spending long summer days playing in the forest with Mariah, but for now it would all have to be dreams, for the girls still had school and Mariah needed to spend this time with her parents.

Shelly drummed her long nails on the wrapping of the box as she spoke, "Baruchah, Maggie, you know it's going to be a little while before you can play with Mariah, but also, I know how much having her here to cuddle with would help you right now. Rostock and Drucilla share our sadness over Becky, and thought you might like a little something to make you feel a little better, and to remind you of Mariah until you can go see her."

Baruchah and Maggie gave the boxes they were holding curious looks and then their eyes begged to open it. Shelly smiled and turned them loose. Paper and ribbon went flying as the children attacked the wrapping. The children held the boxes in their lap and slowly pulled the tape from the lids.

When their boxes opened, the children’s eyes grew wide and their mouth fell open. They froze for a moment as they drank in the incredible sight before them. Gently, they dropped their hands into the boxes and slowly lifted out beautiful stuffed baby unicorns.

Maggie’s soft plush animal was white with pink hooves, and had little silver hearts on its horn. It wore a pink and white collar around its neck and had a white bow just above the tail. Both the collar and the bow carried the same tiny silver hearts that adorned the unicorn's horn. The mane was as beautiful as Shelly's own hair and just as colorful, as greens, blues, pinks and yellows cascaded down the animal’s back.

Baruchah’s unicorn was pink with white hooves. It also had silver hearts on its horn and had a pink and white collar on its neck and a white bow on its tail. Again, its main was all the colors of the rainbow.

A small tag was attached to the collar of each doll and Maggie read hers with her mother's help, "I'm Darla, and I'm one of a kind. I'll be your friend, if you'll be mine."

Then Baruchah got help reading her pet’s tag, “I’m Molly and I’m one of a kind. I’ll be your friend if you’ll be mine.”

The little girls accepted the unicorns’ friendship immediately as they pulled the soft animals to their chest, closing their eyes and hugging them tightly. Baruchah and Maggie kissed their new friends and then rocked them in their arms. After a few seconds the girls had their unicorns kiss each other.

Shelly could feel tears of joy welling in her eyes as she kissed her daughters on the forehead. "I'm so glad you like your new babies. I'll be sure and tell Rostock and Drucilla how happy you are."

Keeping Darla and Molly nestled in their arms they reached their other arms over and hugged their momma tightly.

"Tanks you so much momma,” said Maggie. “Her's so...beaudiful, just wikes Mariah. I loves her bunches and peas tells Rostock and Drucilla tanks you too, cause I members you saided always says peas and tanks yous, speshully when somebody gibs you sometin."

“Me, toos,” Baruchah agreed. “Tank you and… tank Rostock and Drucilla for mes.”

Shelly smiled proudly at her polite daughters, "I will, but I think you will get the chance to thank them yourself soon enough. School will be over in less than a month, you know."

Baruchah and Maggie hugged their momma tightly and smiled. "Yeah, wes knows dat and wes no can waits see Mariah and pays wiff hers."

The little Maggie suddenly found a boost of energy as Baruchah hopped off the couch, followed by Maggie.

"Momma, can I takes Darla wiff me to my woom now?” asked Maggie “I wants hers meet Sir Lionheart, so dey can start bein fwiends, otay?"

Sir Lionheart was Maggie's very special stuffed lion and sleeping companion.

“Me goes too,” Baruchah added. “Hab hers meets Ein.”

Shelly pulled them back just long enough for a quick kiss, before letting them go. The girls tucked the unicorns under their arms, grabbed their treats and ran for their bedroom.

Once again, Baruchah stopped in the center of the hallway and hollered toward her momma, "Momma, does lions and unicorns wikes each udder?"

The young woman smiled at the perfectly logical question, or at least it was in her daughter's eyes, "The unicorns, Ein and Lionheart will, I promise."

The little imps grinned happily and then disappeared into their room.

Shelly and Norman’s other children drifted home as Shelly fixing dinner, as she checked once or twice on the twins, and each time finding them playing happily with Darla Molly, Ein and Lionheart.

Dinner was just about ready when Norman walked in the front door. Slipping into the kitchen he complimented both the delicious looking food and the delicious looking chef who prepared it.

Shelly accepted the compliment with a kiss and then filled him in on her successful book deal, once again omitting certain details, and then telling him about the tough day that Baruchah and Maggie’d had. He was sorry to hear that, but very pleased to hear they had taken so well to the stuffed babies they'd picked up for them. Like Shelly, he had really been concerned about Maggie and Baruchah and how they were handling Becky's passing. Right now, any joy they could bring into their life was a G_d send.

Shelly set the plates out and as Norman went to collect his girls and get his welcome home cuddle from each. A few minutes later he returned without the twins, but smiling. Without giving his beloved a word of explanation, he placed her hand in his, and led Shelly to the children’s bedroom.

Tears of joy and relief soon welled in the mother's eyes as she found her little girls sleeping, curled up on their beds, Maggie with Darla and Sir Lionheart in her arms and Baruchah with Molly and Ein in hers. The looks on the children's faces were pure love and contentment. It was the first time they had seen those faces in over a week and the first time the children had probably slept peacefully in nearly as long.

Neither parent would dream of waking Baruchah or Maggie for dinner now. They needed the peaceful sleep far more than the food.

Shelly went to Baruchah’s closet and pulled out a comforter before doing the same for Maggie, and lovingly draped it over her sleeping angels. She kissed them on the forehead and the children smiled sleepily as they cuddled with their babies. Norman pulled Shelly to him and wrapped his arm around her as he led her out the door.

The young mother stopped just long enough to drink in one last look and utter one last thought before she left, "Sleep peacefully my little blessings, sleep peacefully."

Momma, thanks for Darla! I will cherish her forever. I love you bunches,

Maggie

Denise was towel drying her hair and watching the Weather Channel when her cell phone rang.

She glanced at the living room clock. “What the? … who would be calling me at 6:30 in the morning?”

She grabbed her pocket book from the end table and dug out her cell. She shook her head as the number on the display was not a familiar one. She was tempted to not answer and simply let it go to voice mail, but with being the day shift manager at work and having two daughters currently away from home, that wasn’t an option. Hoping it was just an early bird telemarketer, she flipped open her cell.

“This is Denise.”

“Denise Lampe?” A very serious sounding woman’s voice answered hers.

“Yes it is. May I help you?”

“Ms. Lampe, my name is Amanda Carrington and I’m calling from Mother of Mercy hospital.”

Denise’s heart sunk. This lady was not one of those cheery fundraisers looking to hit her up for donations to a new wing or a kidney machine. This was the dreaded, ’Are you the mother or guardian of (fill in your child’s name) and there’s been an accident,’ call.

In just a few seconds, a thousand scenarios ran through Denise’s head and every one ended with one of her daughters getting an ambulance ride. She was about to break out the mental cat of nine tails to chastise herself for being the world’s most neglectful mother when Amanda brought her back to reality.

“Ma’am I’m calling in regards to a Miss Kaitlyn Collins.”

“Ka … Ka … Katie?”

For a moment, there was a sigh of relief. Her girls were safe, but it was a short-lived one, as her attention and her concerns went to a dear friend, a co-worker, and an honorary daughter of the house.

“What’s happened to Katie? Is she alright?”

The voice softened a little and added a hint of compassion. “There’s been an automobile accident and she was brought to Mother of Mercy. She’s currently in Casualty. I’m sorry, but I don’t have any further information to give you.”

Denise felt a sickness in the pit of her stomach. It was concern, fear and a good dose of anger. Two words immediately came to mind, “Lady Jane”. Lady Jane was the name of Katie’s bicycle that she rode back and forth to work.

Driving was just one of Katie’s many phobias, so she cycled everywhere, and in all kinds of weather. This morning’s forecast included freezing rain and fog. It would be hard enough to see and brake for another motorist, let alone a cyclist darting in and out of traffic. She’d bought Katie a white hat and gloves to keep her warm and to give her a little more visibility on those early morning and late night rides of hers. How many times had she been on her to wear a reflective harness? How many times had she told her to be careful out there?

Denise shook her head. Katie was older than she was, but she listened about as well as her daughters did. A sad smile turned at the woman’s mouth. Being mentioned in the same sentence as one of her daughters, even in such a derogatory way, would have put Katie right over the moon. Denise’s eyes misted as she wondered how badly her friend was hurt, and if she was already in a place far beyond the moon.

“Ms. Lampe we contacted Miss Collins’s employer and your name and number were given as one of her emergency contacts. May I ask if you are a relative?”

“What?” Denise tried to focus her attention and control her fears. “Umm … no, I’m not a relative. I’m just a friend. I’m kind of … well … I’m sort of one of her bosses, but not her immediate one.”

“I understand, ma’am. We did try to contact a Norman Burke first. We were told he was listed as a half brother, but that information appears to be incorrect. No one at that number apparently knows Miss Collins, so we are calling you as the secondary contact. ”

The anger in Denise’s stomach threatened to erupt. She knew that the information about Norman Burke being Katie’s half brother was correct. During their many long conversations after everyone else had gone home for the day, Katie had mentioned her brother several times. Katie said she hadn’t spoken to her brother since the day she had informed him that she was changing her name to Katie, and living as a woman.

Katie was a transsexual, someone whose mind, spirit, and soul, if you will, was of one gender but her body had been born with characteristics of the other. In Katie’s case, the soul was female, and the body was male. For the last ten years she’d been working hard at transforming her body and her life to match her soul.

From what Katie had said, Norman had made it quite clear he did not agree with his ‘little brother’s’ choice to become his little sister, and had pretty much broken off all contact. Of course, considering their contact over the prior ten years had only consisted of an annual Christmas card and a birthday card, she hadn’t really lost much.

Denise respected Norman’s right to disagree with Katie’s decision to live as a woman, even if she couldn’t understand how anyone could turn their back on their own sibling. However, she could not respect, understand or tolerate anyone who could disavow knowledge of their own family member when that person was sick, hurt, or possibly dying.

“Ms. Lampe, do you know if Miss Collins has any other family or relatives we might be able to contact?”

Denise thought for a moment. She knew Katie had no other siblings, and her father had long since passed. As of two years ago her mother was alive and living in Arizona with her second husband; however, Katie had not been in contact with her since she’d informed her that she was having gender reassignment surgery.

Katie’s mother had coolly accepted that her son was living as a woman, but when she found out about the surgery, she’d drawn the line. It was one thing for her son to explore his femininity or sort out some issues with a help of a therapist, but surgery was a point of no return, and she would not condone something she believed to be a permanent and tragic error in judgment. In the end, this meant that Katie lost one more family member, and two more greeting cards a year. Katie had never mentioned anyone else in her family, aside from a grandmother she cherished but who had long since passed.

“No I don’t. I mean … I don’t think she has any family, at least none I’m aware of.”

“Ms. Lampe, considering we cannot reach any family members and you are listed as an emergency contact, would you be willing to come to the hospital and speak to the attending physician? Any information you might be able to give would be of assistance.”

“Yes … yes of course. I can be there in about thirty minutes. Do I go to Casualty or … or should I go to Patient Information to see if she’s been put in her room? Is there a doctor I should ask for?”

Denise’s questions were greeted with the sound of nails taping on a keyboard. “I’m sorry, but there’s been no update on her condition. You’ll need to go to Casualty first and speak with the receptionist. She’ll be able to give you the name of Miss Collins’s physician and her room number if she’s been assigned one. Do you need directions?”

Denise smiled into the phone, “No … I’m quite familiar with the location of Mother of Mercy and the Casualty area. I’ve got three daughters, and every one of them liked to see if they could fall out of trees and bounce.”

“I understand completely,” was Amanda Carrington’s knowing reply which proved without doubt she had a few crumb snatchers of her own.

Denise rang off and then hurried up the stairs to dress. Ten minutes later she was in her youngest daughter’s room telling her to get up and get ready for school. The look she gave Samantha meant there was not time for their usual game of ‘I think I might be too sick to go to school today.’

Denise gave her a kiss and then a hug, headed into the hallway, then returned to add, “I love you.” Sleepy Samantha gave her mother and odd look before cautiously returning an “I love you, too,”

Samantha knew her mom wasn’t usually the syrupy sweet kind, especially in the morning “BC.” The “BC” in this context stood for before coffee. Samantha attributed Denise’s weird behaviour to her monthly cycle, or the after effects of the Gilmore Girls marathon they had watched on the weekend. She waited until she heard her mother slam the front door, then went back to pounding her pillow. She had no idea that her mother’s sudden attack of mushy maternalism had been brought on by a phone call concerning the lost Gilmore Girl better known as Katie Bug.

Denise scrapped the ice off Miss Kitty’s windscreen before she slipped behind the wheel. The fog was still thick, and the roads still slick, but Denise was determined to make good time. It took Miss Kitty a few minutes to warm up, but once she started purring, Denise had her on the road to Mother of Mercy.

A traffic light forced her first stop, and her thoughts turned to the first time she’d met Katie. It had been almost four years ago to the day. Denise had taken a few days off at the beginning of the year, sort of an extended holiday break, and when she returned, noticed a new girl working out in the warehouse. Three things stood out about the recent addition. She was a woman, she was tall and she had the most beautiful blue eyes Denise had ever seen. She’d only got a quick glimpse of them as she headed for the break room and her morning coffee fix, but they were such a lovely shade of blue that if she’d had an ice cream scoop she would of spooned them out and replaced her own.

What she did not notice during that first quick walk by encounter was that the new girl was newer than she realized. Despite the fact that Katie was nearly 40, she’d only been living as a woman for eight years. It wasn’t until she heard Katie speak and got a few longer second and third looks that she began to suspect Katie was a girl with a past.

Denise had been familiar with the term transsexual long before she had one for a co-worker. From the time she was a little girl, she’d always loved to learn, and the more unusual, the more abnormal, the more taboo the subject matter, the more she loved to learn about it. Transsexualism certainly fit all three and she read every bit of material on the subject whenever she could find any. The medical and psychological studies were fascinating, but it was the stories of the people, the souls trapped in body prisons of the opposite gender that really reached her.

When she’d first suspected Katie was a transsexual, her curiosity had nearly gone through the roof. She could hardly wait for the opportunity to actually get to know a real life someone who lived those trials and tribulations every day. It took only a few casual conversations during lunches and breaks however, for Denise to discover she was more interested in getting to know the person, than the transsexual. Katie gave her a chance to get to know quite a bit about both when she opened up to Denise and shared a story with her that she’d written. It was called The Kitten Tail, a fantasy offering mixed with fact that dealt with Katie’s transsexuality, her former employment as a meter maid, and her ultimate dream.

Denise read the story the same night Katie gave it to her. Katie had a real gift for written expression, as Denise found herself immersed in the story within the first few paragraphs. She was touched by the real life pain, frustration and longing that Katie had woven through her fantasy tale. The happy ending was sweet, sentimental, and totally impossible in the real world. It was definitely too syrupy sweet for Denise, but appropriate for someone like Katie, who looked longingly through rose colored glasses at the very normal and everyday life of a girl born in a girl’s body.

Denise was deeply touched by the story, but even more so by the fact that Katie had trusted her enough to share it with her. Katie was bravely baring her soul in those pages The next morning Denise greeted her friend with a heartfelt hug to let her friend know that she wasn’t offended, embarrassed or disgusted by what she’d read. That was the day their friendship truly began.

The sound of a horn honking from behind her broke Denise out of her mental fog and brought her back to the real life pea soup she was trying to navigate through. She was thankful the main roads appeared to be well salted. With any kind of luck, she could be at the hospital in less than fifteen.

Keeping one eye on traffic, Denise opened her cell phone and made the one call she needed to make. She pushed the autodial for Jack’s number. The voice that answered calmed her immediately.

“Hey babe, I was just thinking about you and how much I’d rather be waking up next to you instead of Dale.”

Dale the cat was the only other entity Jack shared his bed with, aside from Denise. Normally, Denise would have a really good comeback for a line like that, but she was fresh out of one-liners this morning.

“Jack,” she started in a hoarse voice.

Just the one word was all it took for Denise’s soul mate to know something was really wrong.

“What’s going on?”

“It’s Katie Bug. There’s been some kind of traffic accident.”

Jack knew she needed his calming strength, and he did his best to give it to her. He spoke at half speed and double strength. “Okay … do you know how bad she’s hurt?”

“No,” her eyes threatened to mist. “I got a call from Mother of Mercy. She’s in Casualty, and that’s all I know. They ummm … asked if I’d come up … you know and talk to the doctors.”

“I don’t understand why they would call you. Shouldn’t they call her family or something?”

Denise sighed, “Yeah they tried that … but her brother … well I guess you could say he refused the call.”

The line was silent a few seconds. Like everyone else at the company, Jack knew Katie was a transsexual, so it wasn’t hard for him to figure out why Katie’s brother would disown her. If his brother had said he wanted to be his sister, it would have been hard for him too, but regardless, you don’t turn your back on family, and like Denise, he couldn’t understand how Katie’s brother could do that. When Jack spoke again there was anger in his voice, “Man I can’t understand that. Her brother must be a cold mother …”

Denise cut him off, “Jack I told you how it was with Bug and her family. I’m the closest thing she has to family, and you know how she feels about me and the girls. I … I just gotta be there. I don’t want her to be alone.”

Jack pushed aside his anger and put calming his beloved top of the list once again. “Hey … it’s alright. I know you don’t want her to be alone, and I know she’d rather have you be there than anyone else, but I don’t want you to be alone, so let me get dressed and I’ll met you in the hospital parking lot. I don’t want you going in there alone, especially well … if you don’t know how bad it is.”

Denise gave him a loving smile he couldn’t see. She so loved this man. He was beautiful, strong, romantic, funny, and smart, and he always seemed to know what she needed most. Right now he knew she needed him to be supportive, understanding and at her side.

“Thanks, Babe, I’ll wait for you outside Casualty.”

“I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

“Jack?” she cut in, hoping he hadn’t rang off.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks … I’m sorry to have call and umm …”

“Hey … I want to be there … for you and for Katie. She’s my friend, too. And before you go there’s something else I want to say.”

“What … what else?”

He said the three words that said it all, “I love you”.

Denise felt her eyes misting again, but this time it was tears of joy and she gave the words back to him with the same heartfelt sentiment, “I love you too.”

Denise rang off, not any less worried about her friend’s condition, but a little more confident in her ability to handle whatever that condition might be, knowing that Jack would be at her side.

Morning rush hour finally caught up with her and traffic momentarily slowed to a crawl. Her thoughts went full focus on Katie, and how their friendship had grown over the last four years.

Denise and Katie were normally the last two left in the building at day’s end, and quite often they sat and talked for hours. Denise discovered that Katie was an even better storyteller in person than she was in the pages of her fiction. She had lived quite a life being a girl forced to masquerade as a boy, and Denise hung on every word Katie shared with her. Her stories were a combination of fear, ignorance, frustration, pain and hopelessness, but quite often spun with a good dose of self-deprecating humor.

While Denise did most of the listening and learning, she too returned the favor, and shared stories about her childhood and being a mother raising three girls on her own. Katie was deeply touched that Denise would share her life stories with her and she loved hearing them every bit as much as Denise enjoyed hearing hers. Whenever Denise shared a story, she could tell by the sparkle in Katie’s eyes and the smile on her face that she was totally immersed in the tale. Denise knew that Katie was putting herself into the story, living the life that had been in her dreams, and always outside her reach.

The traffic jam finally broke and Denise was on her way once again. She hadn’t gotten more than a few blocks when her good fortune was short-lived once again. A school bus was stopping traffic on both sides of the road. She watched as the bus attendant hurried along her children like a momma duck and her baby ducklings. The fact that she and most of the kids were dressed in yellow rain suits only made the comparison more fitting.

One little girl, probably no older than six or seven, lost her hat in a gust of wind. Denise giggled as she watched a pair of pigtails bounce, bob and weave as she chased the skittering hat across the sidewalk. Once again her thoughts returned to her friend who had been taken to Casualty that morning.

She once had made Katie very happy by telling her that she when she thought of her, she thought of her as a pizza cut into two unequal slices. Since pizza was Katie’s favorite food, the comparison immediately made her both hungry and happy. The ingredients on the two slices were very different, but together both made Katie who she was.

The smile slice, or what Denise estimated comprised about 13% of Katie, had the woman, the worker and the boy she had once lived as. Katie had lived as a boy or a man for nearly thirty years, and those experiences, whether they were true to her soul image or not, was part of who she was. She could leave her family, her job, and her name behind, but not the boy. He would always peek out at her whenever she looked in the mirror.

The worker was Denise’s girl Friday everyday. She was a dedicated, hard working perfectionist whom Denise relied upon any time she needed something done carefully, accurately … and yesterday. Katie took her job to heart, almost too much so, and Denise had to constantly remind her of that.

The final ingredient of the small slice was Katie the woman. She was intelligent and brave. If she hadn’t possessed those two qualities she would either be dead, or still living as a man. She was also generous, funny in that self deprecating way of hers, and far more “girly” than Denise considered herself to be. Katie was one of the kind of girls who easily cried over a song, a movie or even a cat food commercial. Denise called her a “big hairy hormone,” and just as bad as her teenage daughters. To Katie, it was the ultimate compliment.

Katie the woman, like any other woman, was more than just sugar. She was spice, too, and on occasion it was red hot chili powder. She had a temper as Irish as her heritage, and on those rare occasions when she tapped into that lifetime of frustration, the whole building knew it.

While the worker was confident in her abilities on the floor, the woman struggled in that department. She had a negative self-image, a lack of self confidence, and a boat load of phobias. She struggled with depression, dependency, and could become positively petrified at making a decision as simple as which item to choose off the value menu for lunch.

Denise knew enough of Katie’s story, and had read enough of other transgender stories to know that many of those problems were quite typical. It had to be pretty tough to grow up to be a confident, assertive and upbeat woman, when the mirror, your parents and the world you lived in told you that you were a man. And if you found the courage to stand up and tell them they were wrong, you probably weren’t believed, and most likely you were punished or shamed for sharing your beliefs. It was easy to see how Katie could become the woman she was.

And then there was the part of Katie that Denise had been reminded of when she saw the little girl chasing her rain bonnet across the sidewalk. This slice comprised the remaining 87% of the princess pie. Denise had affectionately nicknamed her Katie Bug, because she was as cute as a bug, and without a doubt she was 100% little girl.

In the many case studies of transgender or gender dysphonic individuals that Denise had read, she’d never come across the added complication of being “age dysphoric”. She wasn’t even sure if there was such a classification as Age Dysphoria in the mental health data base, but Katie certainly suffered from it.

Within every woman no matter what her age, there is always a little girl. Considering that transgender women rarely ever got to be little girls, it would make sense that their little girl within might be a bit more prominent at times. Such prominence might manifest itself in her keeping a few precious stuffies or a dolly on her bed. She might have a few outfits in her wardrobe that were a bit heavy on the ruffles and bows, or perhaps stuffed somewhere beneath her bed were a pair of cherished Mary Jane’s and colored chalk to draw a hop scotch board.

With Katie Bug it went far deeper than those things. The little girl within her was almost an entirely separate identity. Many times on those evening chats in Denise’s office, the little girl would peek out and the adult would almost seem to fade away. The transformation was not only emotional and mental, but quite often physical as well. Katie’s body language would change and she seemed to almost shrink into the chair. If the little girl was sad or frightened, she would rock and hold her arms tightly. If she was happy, she would bounce in her seat and swing her legs. Her eyes would shine the bluest blue Denise had ever seen. Even her speech patterned was affected, as both tone and pronunciation often slipped in and out of childish speech.

Katie Bug was pretty much like most little girls her age, which Denise discovered through her appearances and through Katie’s stories, was somewhere between 5 and 8 years old. She loved her stuffies and pretty clothes. She was shy and quiet around those she did not know, and a “Chatty Cathy” hug monster around those she knew and was comfortable with. Denise happened to be on that short list, and so did her daughters. During their after hour chats and the occasional get together at Denise’s house, the little girl would come out in spades. Denise’s daughters adored their mom’s friend whom they considered to be sort of a big little girl. She soon became sort of an adopted little sister and honorary daughter of the house.

Denise allowed the little girl to play in her presence, but Denise was a pragmatist, and by definition, she had to keep at least one foot in reality at all times. This meant that even if 87% of Katie was little girl, the other 13% which comprised 100% of the physical body was adult, and that was the part that had to live and work in the real world.

Denise knew from the stories Katie wrote, their long chats, and with the hugs, smiles and tears she shared with her, that Katie’s 87% wanted to be a 100% little girl, 100% of the time. And … she wanted to be Denise’s little girl, a real life Gilmore-Lampe girl. Denise was honored that Katie would choose her as mother above all others. There was no doubt that the little girl tripped Denise’s maternal instinct every time she peeked out from those baby blues, and if Denise could have waved a magic wand and given her friend her dream, she would have. Denise didn’t want another daughter. She often joked at times she’d trade the ones she had for a fifth of Patron tequila, and white sandy beach to enjoy it on, but she would have found room in heart and her home for one more girl.

She would have wiggled her nose like some real life Samantha from Bewitched and given her friend her heart’s desire. She wouldn’t have done it because she wanted another crumb snatcher, she wouldn’t have done it just because she loved her friend. She would have done it because she knew it was what Katie needed and deserved. Yes, if she could have, she would have, and she’d told Katie that many times, but she could not, and that was reality.

Katie didn’t much care for reality and avoided it at every turn. Denise had noted that the little girl within Katie was becoming more and more prominent, and the woman becoming more depressed and more dependent upon her. After hours conversations seemed to always end up in tearfests, and Katie held the goodbye hugs longer and longer.

Denise had begun to feel frustrated and uncomfortable as Katie tightened her grip and strengthened her dependency. Eventually, Denise had to give her wannabe daughter a dose of tough love, the same kind she would have given her real daughters in a similar situation. She sat Katie down one night, shut the door, and stated the cold hard reality that her friend knew, but had been running from.

“Honey, if I could give you what you want, I promise you I would, but I can’t. And no matter how much you wish and want and wait, you will never, ever wake up one day and be a little girl. It’s impossible.”

Denise could see the tears welling in her friends eyes but she couldn’t be swayed by them. “I’m your friend, and I love you dearly, but I can’t be your mom. I will never be your mom. I don’t want to be your mom, and you will never be my daughter. My girls will never be your sisters, and you will never live with me. I’m sorry, Bug. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth, and if you want to continue being friends with me, you’re going to have to accept it.”

Tears rolled down Katie’s cheeks. She shook, she rocked and her heart shattered all over Denise’s office floor. Denise’s heart broke, too. She hadn’t wanted to do it, but she’d had to do it. She couldn’t be a willing party to a fantasy that could never be a reality and was destroying her friend. She had to set Katie straight, and she had to set boundaries.

For weeks after that conversation Katie walked around the office as if she was ready to burst into tears at any minute. Denise wished she could wrap her arms around her and make it better, but she couldn’t. All she could do was be her friend and stay near while Katie dealt with it. She subscribed to the theory that said, “That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” For a while, she feared the depression might drive her friend to kill herself, but Katie endured the darkness and eventually found some semblance of her balance once again.

It was now nearly six months since that night and while some things had changed, Denise conceded that some never would. Katie still put Denise up high on a parental pedestal, and still longed for the same dream come true. She still lit up every time Denise mentioned her daughters, and she looked through rose colored glasses at even the most mundane activity occurring at the Lampe home.

She still was a hug monster, still got misty eyed at every good bye and still routinely begged Denise to sing her a few lines of ‘Part of Your World’ from ‘The Little Mermaid.’ But … at least she was functioning in the workplace, respecting Denise’s boundaries and not looking like a suicide waiting to happen. Their after hour chats brought a smile to Denise’s face and there was life in the friendship once again, but now, as the hospital loomed in the horizon, she wondered if there would be any more chats and how much life was left in her friend.

As she pulled into the parking area, she saw a handsome man sitting on the bonnet of his late model Chevrolet. He immediately calmed her and brought a smile to her face. She pulled in beside Jack and he opened her door as soon as she turned off the engine. She stepped out and looked into his eyes. He didn’t need to hear a request. He knew what she needed and immediately pulled her into an embrace. Denise savored the warmth and safety of being held in her love’s arms before tearing herself away to face what waited.

Denise looked up into Jack’s hazel eyes. “Thanks for coming. I … hated to ask but.”

Jack took her hand and held it gently but firmly. “You don’t have to thank me. I should be here, and I want to be here. We’re together now, and that means just that. We face everything together, okay?”

Denise nodded silently, then laid her head on her beloved’s shoulder. Jack savored the moment and then slowly led her toward the Casualty entrance.

Casualty was a flurry of activity as always, and the pair dodged patients and nurses as they made their way to the reception desk.

Denise was greeted by a tired but warm smile and a clip board pushed in her direction. “If you’re here for admittance, could you please fill out the form and we’ll be with you as soon as we can.”

“I’m not here for admittance,” Denise gently corrected her. “I’m Denise Lampe. I’m here to see about a friend of mine. Her name is Kaitlyn Collins. I was told she was brought in to Casualty this morning.”

The angel of mercy, pushed glasses up on her nose and turned to the computer screen. “Just a minute, ma’am, I’ll see if I can find her for you.”

Denise squeezed Jack’s hand as agonizing seconds seemed like hours.

The receptionist finally stopped typing. “She’s no longer in Casualty.”

Denise smiled hopefully as Jack took the lead. “Can you tell us the room she’s been moved to, and her condition?”

She never took her eyes from the keys. “I’ll page Doctor Reyes. She was the attending physician when your friend was admitted. She’ll be able to answer your questions.”

Jack and Denise listened as her page boomed through the hospital. “Doctor Reyes, please report to Casualty Admittance. Dr. Reyes, please report to Casualty Admittance.”

The receptionist pointed across the room. “If you’ll have a seat in the waiting area, she should be here momentarily.”

She gave one more professional smile and then turned to deal with the next person in line.

Denise begged her attention one last time. “Excuse me, I know we need to talk to the doctor, but I’m really worried about my friend. Isn’t there anything else you can tell us?”

She was greeted by one last sympathetic smile, “I’m sorry, but you’ll just have to wait for Doctor Reyes.”

“Thank you,” Jack answered as he led Denise over to the waiting area. He moved a cold cup of coffee and a few empty chip bags from two vacant seats.

Denise eased into one. “This isn’t good. I’ve been here with the girls more times than I can remember, and I’ve never gotten a look like that.”

Jack took her hand again, “I wouldn’t read too much into it, Babe. Let’s just wait until we get a chance to talk to the doctor.”

They didn’t have to wait long, as a young Latina doctor with beautiful dark eyes and long black hair walked toward them. Denise and Jack rose to meet her.

She greeted them with a warm a smile and a soft voice, “Hello, I’m Dr. Reyes.”

“I’m Denise Lampe, and this is Jack Christopher. We were told you could tell us about our friend Katie. Is she alright?”

The smile faded from the doctor’s lips as she directed them back to the chairs.

“Ms. Lampe, Mr. Christopher. I’m so very sorry, but you’re friend died shortly after arriving. She had massive internal injuries, severe blood loss and trauma to the head as a result of the accident. She died before we could even prep her for surgery.”

“Oh no!” Denise cried as she buried her head on Jack’s shoulder.

“We did everything we could do. I’m so very sorry for your loss.”

Denise lifted her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m sure you did, doctor. I … I just can’t believe she’s gone.”

“Doctor Reyes?” Jack directed her attention. “About the accident … is there anything you can tell us?

She shook her head and sighed. “I only know what the paramedics said when she was brought in. She was a victim of a hit and run at the corner of State and Minnesota, I think. I don’t know if they ever caught the driver. I might be able to get you a contact name … the detective handling the case. My sister Patti works at the local precinct.”

“Two blocks.” Denise’s voice drifted as if she were in a fog.

“I’m sorry babe. What was that?”

She turned to face Jack, anger starting to creep into her voice. “Two blocks. She was only two blocks from work when some son of a bitch ran her over and then didn’t even bother to stop to see if she was alright.”

Jack wrapped a comforting arm around her.

“I know this is a terrible shock and I don’t wish to make it any worse, but Dr. Martinez, our Chief Coroner asked me to direct you to his office. There’s the matter of positive identification, and some arrangements to be made. However, if you’d like a little time to … well … to let this settle in, I can let him know you’ll be over to see him later.”

Denise pulled her self together. There would be a time for tears and anger, but right now a cool head was needed to deal with matters at hand. “Thanks, Dr. Reyes, but that won’t be necessary. I can meet with Dr. Martinez right away.”

Jack gave his love a concerned gaze. “Are you sure?

Denise sighed and summoned her best brave smile. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Dr. Reyes once again gave her condolences for their loss and then walked the pair to the elevator. “Dr. Martinez office is on the lower level. It’s a direct right straight out of the elevator, room B125, but I don’t mind taking you down.”

Denise smiled at the woman who had the unenviable task of delivering bad news on a daily basis. “Thank you, but I’m sure we can manage.”

“I’ll call Dr. Martinez on my mobile and let him know you are on the way down, and again, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for your loss.”

Denise and Jack thanked the doctor again and Denise added a hug.

When the elevator rang they stepped in and then waved goodbye to the doctor as the doors closed behind them. The few seconds of alone time allowed Denise to let down her guard, and more tears fell. Jack stayed quiet and close. He knew for now there was little else he could do.

One right turn after leaving the elevator and a short walk down the corridor led them to room B125 and the Coroner’s Office. Denise took a deep breath as Jack opened the door for her.

When they stepped in, they were immediately greeted by a handsome Latino man with a touch of gray at the temples, wearing a long white lab coat. He extended his hand forward to Jack.

“I’m Dr. Jorge Martinez.”

Jack took it firmly and introduced himself. Denise immediately followed suit.

“And I’m Denise Lampe. I’ve come to identify Kaitlyn Collins’s body and to settle arrangements.”

The smile left the doctor’s face. “Yes, I know. I just rang off with Dr. Reyes and before we go any farther, I’d like to extend my condolences to you both. I will try not to make any of this more painful than it needs to be. If you’d like to, take a little time before going back.”

Denise shook her head. “Thank you, I do appreciate that, but I think I just want to get this over with.”

Dr. Martinez nodded. “I understand that completely, and I’ll take you back to the morgue shortly, but I have a few questions I’d like to ask. Some of them … well … may be a bit awkward.”

Denise sighed. She knew where this was leading. “Does this involve Katie being a post operative transsexual?”

The doctor looked obviously uncomfortable. “Well yes, that’s part of it, but … ummm … it’s a bit more complicated than that, Ms. Lampe. I think we need to sit down and discuss the situation before going back. It is rather unique.”

Denise nodded her understanding and then turned to the rock at her side. “Babe, you don’t have go back to the morgue with me.”

“What? Of course I’m going with you. I told you I’d be here for you.”

She smiled up at her love. “I know that, and you are here for me, but I also know that you were never completely comfortable with Katie’s gender issue.”

Jack was wounded. “That’s not true. You know I liked her and I always treated her as a her.”

“Even if you really didn’t consider her to be one?” she added.

Jack sighed and dropped his head. “Look, that doesn’t matter now. What matters is that I’m here for you, and I don’t want you doing this alone.”

Denise took Jack’s hand and squeezed it. “I know you don’t, but I might have to answer some very personal questions about Katie; things I’m pretty sure you won’t be comfortable hearing about.”

“I can handle it.”

Denise smiled at her brave knight. “I know you can, but I think I need to do this part on my own. Just be here for me when I come out. I know I’m going to need you then.”

Jack looked into her blue eyes. He didn’t like letting her go off on her own, but he also knew he really didn’t have a choice. Denise was a strong, independent woman, which were just two of the reasons he loved her.

“Okay I’ll wait here, but if you change your mind …”

Denise winked, then kissed him on the cheek, “I’ll call you on my mobile.”

Jack reluctantly released her and took a seat while Dr. Martinez led Denise out of the office and down the corridor. The walked along silently, save for the click of Denise’s heels on the tile floor.

Dr. Martinez finally broke the silence. “Ms. Lampe”

“Please just call me Denise.”

He smiled and started again. “Denise according to the records I received, Ms. Collins had no next of kin. Is that true?”

Denise sighed. “Well … no that’s not true but it may as well be. Her father is deceased, but her mother is still alive, and she does have one half brother; however, both disowned her after she had gender reassignment surgery.”

“That’s terrible, but not surprising. I’ve heard that story too many times. People like her have to often sacrifice everything just to live in the proper gender role.”

Denise nodded silently as they continued down the corridor.

“Ms. Lampe … err … Denise would you say you knew Ms. Collins very well? I mean, would you say you were her best friend?”

“Yes I knew Katie very well, maybe better than just about anybody and I’m pretty sure I was her best friend.”

Denise stopped and then eyed the doctor suspiciously. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t see how my relationship with Katie would have anything to do with me identifying her body. It seems like a very strange question to ask.”

Dr. Martinez pointed her toward the next doorway. “You’re absolutely right. It is a very strange question to ask, but this is a very strange situation, and that’s putting it mildly.”

Denise gave the doctor a puzzled look before she walked through the door he’d opened for her. Lights came on automatically to reveal a pristine white lab room. It was nothing like the morgue Denise had seen in most of the movies or crime shows she watched.

Dr. Martinez directed Denise over to a table and then sat down across from her.

“Dr. Martinez,” she started.

“Please, call me Jorge.”

“Okay …. Jorge, this doesn’t really look like what I expected.”

“Yes … well this isn’t where we store and view the bodies. That’s next door. When we go over there I promise you it will be much more state of the art CSI. But before we go over there I need to prepare you for what your going to see … if that’s possible.”

A chill ran down Denise’s spine and thoughts went straight to the pit. “

“Was she so badly hurt that I might not be able to recognize her?”

“Well …she was badly hurt, but the physical damage she received in the accident wouldn’t have comprised a positive identification.”

Jorge hesitated before delivering the next line. “It was what apparently happened after she arrived in the morgue that is the issue here.”

Denise was exasperated. “I’m sorry but I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“I’m not sure if I understand what I’m talking about,” the Doctor confessed.
“I’m not sure if I can explain it what’s happened, and even if I did, I don’t how I’m going to get you to believe it, but I can’t let you walk in there without trying.”

Denise’s eyes were a steel grey. “You say it’s quite strange, and now I’m beginning to believe you. So, why don’t you just tell me exactly what’s happened to my friend, and I’ll decide what I can believe.”

Jorge nodded and then started from the beginning. “Shortly after they brought Miss Collins in …”

Denise raised her hand to interrupt. “Why don’t you just call her Katie or Katie Bug? I know she would have preferred that.”

He flashed his beautiful smile and started again. “Shortly after Katie was brought into Casualty, I got a call on my mobile from Christina. She’s a good friend, and happened to be the EMT on the scene when Katie was injured. She informed me that Katie’s condition was critical, and that she didn’t think she would recover … meaning I would probably be getting a new patient this morning.”

Denise shivered as she listened to the tale. It sounded more like a dispatcher scheduling a truck delivery than an ambulance bringing in a life hanging on the edge.

“Now normally, Christina wouldn’t call me to let me know I have a potential customer, but your friend Katie, was unique. Her particular physical abnormality has always been an interest of mine, especially the corrective surgery, and Christina knew that.”

Denise straightened in her chair and narrowed her eyes, “You’re talking about her being a post operative transsexual. Are you telling me you were hoping she would die so you could get a good look at her new plumbing?”

Jorge waved his hand in front of Denise and immediately backed up. “No … no it’s nothing like that at all. I would never wish for anyone to die! Nothing on Earth would make me happier than to never see another body come through those double doors. I’ve seen far too many already.”

Denise realized she’d been quick to judge and harsh when she did. “I’m sorry. That was out of line. I know you weren’t hoping Katie would die. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just … well … I’m a little upset right now. I’m sure you can understand that.”

Jorge’s smile returned. “Yes I do. Honestly I do, and I don’t blame you for being upset with what I said, because it was the truth. I did want to examine Katie, in part for my own selfish reasons. I wanted to see the reconstruction surgery. I know it is one of the most amazing procedures and I’ve only seen pictures and videos on gender reassignment. But … that was not the only reason I wanted to be the one handling her case. I also wanted to be sure she was handled with the same dignity and respect as all those who pass through the double doors should be. You’re Katie’s best friend. I’m sure she’s shared stories with you about the kind of prejudice she’s had to endure in life. Well I just didn’t want her to have to endure more in death. I wasn’t going to let some junior staff member do the examination and call a few of his colleagues in to ‘check out the freak’ and make jokes. And sadly … that does happen, but I wasn’t going to let it happen to Katie … not on my watch.”

Denise was touched by this man who dealt with death daily. He was surrounded by tragedy, sadness, darkness and death, but it hadn’t soured him on life. It was obvious he was a warm and caring individual. He had meant no offense to Katie. In fact, he had done everything in his power to shield her from such things, but the question still remained. What had happened to Katie that was so … so … strange? Denise could only listen patiently as Jorge continued the story.

“As I’m sure Dr. Reyes told you, Katie died shortly after arriving in Casualty. Once death had been pronounced, and everything logged in, she was scheduled to be transferred to the morgue. I went upstairs to records and picked up her charts and that … is when things started to get strange.”

Dr. Martinez pushed a manila folder toward Denise. She hadn’t noticed it was on the table until he’d slid it across the table.

“Those are the vitals we have on Katie. Could you look them over and see if they are accurate to the best of your knowledge?”

Denise picked up the folder and braced herself for a gory post accident picture; fortunately it was only facts and figures that greeted her. Denise quickly scanned the information and found everything in order.

“As far as I can see that pretty much sums up Katie. I didn’t notice any discrepancies in the descriptions or dates.”

Jorge nodded and reached for the folder. “Thank you.”

He opened it and read the first few lines. “Kaitlyn G Collins … Female … Age 41 … Height: 72 inches … Weight … 140 pounds …. Eyes … blue … hair … brown. Time of death 6:08 a.m.”

Denise stopped Jorge. “Wait a minute … 6:08? If she died at 6:08 then … then she was already dead when they called me.”

Jorge sighed. “I’m sorry; unfortunately this happens all too often. By the time information finally gets to the office and someone is notified, the patient’s condition has often changed dramatically.”

Tears welled in Denise’s eyes. It was as if her friend had now died twice today. Realizing he’d covered the important information, Jorge stopped reading and then closed the file. He returned it to its place on the table.

“It was shortly after seven when I signed off for this folder at the records desk. I stopped in the cafeteria and had coffee and a Danish while I looked it over. I was probably there about fifteen minutes. Katie’s body was signed out of Casualty for transfer to the morgue at 7:17. I checked the records.”

Denise was beginning to feel like this was some 21st century version of Dragnet. “Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt and I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t understand what this ‘play by play’ has to do with me identifying Katie and signing off on a few forms.”

Jorge flashed that killer smile of his again and begged Denise’s patience, promising he would be bringing the point home soon.

Reaching behind him he grabbed a remote control and pointed it at a television screen to Denise’s right. “I really think you’re going to want to pay careful attention to this, especially the time monitor in the corner.”

Denise watched the screen come on and immediately recognized it as footage from a security camera.

“This is the hallway that we just walked down. The security cam monitors this hallway at all times. Please note the time and date in the lower left hand corner.”

Denise leaned forward and then reached into her purse to produce her glasses. The display read today’s date and the time was 7:22. Denise watched an empty corridor for about twenty seconds and then the scene changed. An orderly pushing a gurney with a body on it suddenly appeared at the far end of the hallway.

Jorge pushed a button on the remote. “Let me increase the size of the image. I want you to be able to see this clearly.”

The camera closed in on the gurney rolling down the hallway. When it appeared to be directly in front of the camera, Jorge sharpened the focus a little tighter and paused the frame.

“I really am sorry to have to do this, but I assure you it’s absolutely essential that I do. Can you clearly see the face of the person on the gurney?”

The body was obscured by the sheet but the face was in crystal clear view. It was bruised and a bit bloodied. The hair was pulled back and she couldn’t see the colour of the eyes, but there was no mistaking the identity of this person. Tears welled in Denise’s eyes as she turned away from the image. Her voice was barely audible. “That’s her. That’s Katie. No doubt about it.”

Jorge reached into his coat pocket and produced a few Kleenex. He offered them to Denise. “Again, I’m so sorry for having to show you this, but I had to do it, and now … you’ll understand why.”

Jorge pulled the camera angle back to normal and then pushed the play button on the remote. He directed Denise’s attention to the screen one more time. She turned in time to see the gurney and the orderly disappear through the double doors. Two minutes later, the orderly reappeared through the doors and retraced his steps down the hallway until he was out of view and the hallway was empty once again.

“The orderly placed Katie’s body in the morgue at 7:23 and signed off on delivery at 7:25. I have a copy of that form in the folder I showed you. Now … I’m going to fast forward the security tape, but if you watch it closely you’ll see there will no traffic in the hallway until …”

Jorge held the button until an image appeared at the far end of the hallway. He resumed normal play status at that time.

“There … that’s me stepping off the elevator and the time display reads 7:33.”

Denise watched as Jorge made his way down the hallway and eventually disappeared through the double doors. At this point Jorge shut off the tape.

“Katie was signed in at the morgue at 7:25 and I arrived there at 7:33, and as you can see there was no traffic whatsoever during the time in between. No one came into the morgue, and no one came out during those eight minutes.”

Denise nodded, but still unsure why she was being asked to play Watson to this Latino Sherlock Holmes.

“And Denise, in case you are wondering … there are no other doors to the morgue, no windows, no removable ceiling tiles, and no vents or accesses larger than four inches in diameter. There is no way her body could have been taken from the morgue without the camera capturing the image.”

Denise’s eyes narrowed again, “I wasn’t wondering about any of those things before you mentioned them, but I sure as hell am now. Are you trying to tell me that you’ve lost Katie’s body?”

Jorge shook his head. That killer smile of his was dead. “Well yes … but no not really … I mean … ummm … I … I don’t know what I mean. In my seventeen years of working at the Coroner’s office I have never lost a body … and I … well I still don’t think I lost Katie’s … but maybe it sort of lost us.”

Denise stood up from the table. She was out of patience for the Coroner’s version of Clue. She wanted some simple answers to some very simple questions.

“Is my friend’s body in the next room or isn’t it?”

Jorge rubbed fingers through his shortly cropped black hair, “Yes … no … I … I … don’t know. There’s a body in there on the same gurney that you saw enter on the security tape. In fact, it’s the only body in the morgue. We actually had an empty house this morning. But … it’s well … it’s not the same body … that was wheeled in.”

“That’s crazy! If Katie’s body was the only body in the morgue this morning and her body wasn’t removed, then the body in there has to be Katie’s.”

Jorge stood up and started to pace. “You’re right, Denise. You’re absolutely right. It has to be Katie’s. It has to be the 41 year old transsexual female that was logged in and rolled in and signed for. It has to be, but … it’s not.”

Denise slammed her hands down on the table which stopped Jorge in his tracks. “Well pardon me, but if it’s not my friend, just who in the hell is it, and where in the hell is Katie!”

“I … I can’t answer either question.” Jorge threw up his arms in frustration. “You saw the tape. You know all the facts. That has to be Katie in there and yet when I walked in there was a completely different body where hers should be.

Denise calmed herself. Realizing hysteria and anger wasn’t the way to get answers; she tried to go about this logically.

“Okay … I don’t really care about someone else’s body. Let’s just try and find Katie’s first. Since her body wasn’t where it should be, then obliviously the guy who brought her in put her some place else. You know … like in one of those long file cabinet type drawers.

Jorge sighed. “I checked every drawer in the place, twice, thrice, and then some, but she wasn’t there. I’d of checked my desk drawer if I thought she would be there, but there was only one body in the room and it wasn’t the one we saw rolled in.”

“Then someone had to remove her body, and when I find out who that is I’m going to skin the son of a …”

“You saw the tape.” Jorge cut in mid-expletive. “No one came in or out after Katie was dropped off … that is, until I came in eight minutes later. There … is … no … way … out! The body currently laying on that gurney has to be to Katie’s. There is no other explanation, and yet it’s not her.

Denise rubbed her temples. A headache was coming on fast. “Okay … do you have security tapes of the morgue itself? You know, on the inside. That way we can see what happened to Katie after she was dropped off?”

Jorge shook his head. “I wish we did, but there are no security cameras in the morgue. We do have cameras. Sometimes we tape some of the procedures for educational and training purposes, but none of those cameras were on at the time. There’s just no way of knowing what transpired during those eight minutes. It’s something right out of Houdini. It’s as if her body disappeared … and then reappeared … only … as a totally different body. And we both know that’s impossible.”

“I want to see the body!” Denise said softly but firmly.

“But it’s not Katie’s body. I told you I don’t know who this is. I’ve checked and rechecked the records, and no one else has been logged into the morgue. So now, I’ve got a log entry with no body and a body with no log entry, and no way to sort this out.”

“I want to see the body!” Denise repeated, just as softly but more firmly.

“Alright … alright. I’ll show you the body, but I should probably prepare you for what you’re going to see. This kind of death is always the worst.”

“I take it this person was badly injured or burned … something like that?”

“No … to the contrary. There is barely a mark on her. Granted I didn’t really do much of an examination once I realized it wasn’t Katie’s body, but for all practical purposes, she looks a very healthy girl just sleeping peacefully.”

“So why would you call that one of the worst deaths? It sounds to me like she went as gently as one could hope.”

Jorge opened the door to the hallway for Denise, “No I’m not talking about the mode or manner of death. I’m talking about the individual who died. It’s why when I see one like this die it always tears me up, and it’s also why there is absolutely no doubt the body in the morgue can’t possibly be Katie’s, even if by all rights it has to be.”

Denise stopped in the middle of the doorway. “And why is that?”

Jorge held the door, “Because the body in the morgue is that of a female child, approximately 5 to 7 years old.”

He readied himself to release the door to catch the woman, but Denise remained steady as she repeated her earlier request.

“I want to see the body!”

Jorge led her down the hallway to the room next door. He stopped in front of the swinging doors. “Before we go in, I just want you to know that I take full responsibility for all of this. I’m sure you friend’s body will turn up, and when it does, hopefully there’ll be some logical explanation for all this but … that doesn’t excuse the negligence on my part. Her body was my responsibility, and I failed to take care of her. Whatever legal action you want to take against me as a result of this … I fully accept and will not fight. If you want my resignation, I’ll have it on the mayor’s desk this afternoon. Hell … I may put it there whether you ask for it or not.”

Denise gave the Doctor a brave smile, “Look … you seem like a very caring and fairly competent professional. I’m not looking to place blame or start legal proceedings. At this point, I just want to find my friend’s body and make the arrangements.”

“And I want to help you find it, but you won’t find her in there.”

“Maybe I won’t but I can’t think of any place else to look. Can you?”

Jorge shook his head silently.

“And as for the body in there, she’s a little girl, and for the moment, she’s alone and unclaimed. I want to see her. I know Katie would want me to see her.”

The doctor offered no more apologies or objections as he pushed the swinging doors to the morgue open.

Motion sensors tripped the lighting, and momentarily blinded Denise.

“Sorry, it’s pretty bright in here, considering the work we do.”

Denise shivered and wished she’d had the sweater she always kept near at her “ice conditioned” office environment.

“Yeah … and we keep it a little on the cold side too.”

Denise’s eyes went straight to gurney in the centre of the room. She noted the body beneath the blue plastic took up considerably less space than the one that she’d watched on the video and positively identified as Katie’s.

Jorge led Denise to the side of the table and then slowly pulled back the covering to reveal the rounded face of a sleeping baby angel. Denise could feel the tears welling in her eyes.

Jorge shook his head. “It just gets stranger and stranger.”

Denise wiped a tear from her eye. And why is that?”

“Well … two things. One, when I came in and found this body where Katie’s should be, it was lying on its stomach. The right hand was propped up under the chin, as it had been holding it up, and the left hand was dangling off the side of the table. Now that’s strange, but not half as strange as what I found when I checked the body.”

Jorge paused and then reached down to take the dead girls hand in his.

“When I examined her body it was still very warm. I mean so warm that I immediately checked to see if she was still alive. Sadly … she wasn’t, but I’d estimate she couldn’t have been dead for more than a few minutes, maybe even less than that. It was almost as if … as if … she died just before I walked in the door. That’s one more on our growing list of impossibilities.”

Denise looked down at the face of the seemingly sleeping child. “Do you know what she died of?”

“No … not really. There’s no obvious trauma. It’s almost as if she just went to sleep and didn’t wake up. I’m sure a more thorough examination will determine the cause of death.”

Denise raised her gaze to meet Jorge’s. “Could you leave me alone with her for awhile?”

“I’m sorry.” Jorge gave her a puzzled glance. “Did you say you wanted to be alone with her? I thought you wanted to look for your friend?”

“Right now I just want to be alone with this girl. Please don’t ask why.”

Jorge threw up his hands, “Hey I’ve already got enough questions without answers already. I don’t need any more. If you want to sit with her for a while that’s alright. We can discuss Katie when you’re ready.”

Denise forced a brave smile. “Thank you.”

Jorge headed toward the door. “Alright … I’ll be just outside the door if you need me.”

Denise nodded and watched Jorge until he disappeared through the door. Summoning all the courage and the sanity she could muster, she turned once again to face the lifeless child on the table.

She noted the rounded cheeks, the button nose, and the soft reddish blonde curls that had fallen over closed eyes. She knew those features all too well. She’d seen them a hundred times in the stories that Katie had written, and in the eyes of the woman who’d poured out her heart to her so many nights after work. The resemblance to Katie’s spirit self was uncanny, but it was the Native American jewelry around her neck that removed all doubt. Denise traced the pink beaded necklace with her finger. She’d gotten it for Katie on her trip to Washington D.C. It was normally given to small children by their mothers to protect them from bad spirits entering their dreams and causing nightmares. Katie was over the moon when Denise gave it to her and swore she’d never take it off.

Denise shook her head and chuckled as tears rolled down her cheeks.

“You little shit … you just had to prove me wrong, didn’t you? You’re worse than the kids. I told you no. I told you that you were never going to wake up one day and be a little girl … but you wouldn’t take no for an answer would you? Somehow … someway … you did it didn’t you? You stubborn little girl. You finally got your wish.”

Yes, she knew what she was saying. She was admitting that the impossible was possible. She was going against everything she knew to be true and real, and on this side of the Twilight Zone, but she couldn’t deny what, or more aptly who, was lying there right before her eyes. It was Katie Bug. It was that little girl her adult friend had shared with her through their long conversations, through her fantasy stories and through the longing looks in her eyes. It was the same little girl who jumped out whenever she saw one of Denise’s daughters, and who squeezed Denise so tight when they closed the office on Fridays. It was the same little girl who cried and begged Denise to wave a magic wand so she could be her daughter and go home with her.

As Denise’s finger gently caressed the child’s soft curls, she knew someone had woven some finger wiggle magic, because there was no doubt this was her Katie Bug.

Denise’s finger touched the button nose and she could almost hear Katie Bug giggle.

“You’re absolutely adorable,” she said with a smile.

“You’re everything you wrote of … everything you imagined yourself to be, right down to the …”

She hesitated as she lifted the covering and looked at the legs beneath.

“Uh … huh … right down to the skinned knees you always said you’d have from bouncing around the playground.”

Her hand returned to curls she’d caressed earlier. “And this lot … this reddish blonde mass of wild curly weeds that is supposed to be hair. You stole that from me, didn’t you? And the nose, too. You got both those from your momma, and … well … there’s no doubt who that is.”

“And those eyes. I … I don’t need to see them to know it’s those big beautiful baby blues of yours that I was so totally envious of. I know you brought those with you. You may have left everything else with the old body, but those eyes … those eyes are there. I know it.”

Denise’s hand found Katie’s and she held the tiny one in hers. There was still a bit of warmth there and she caressed it lovingly.

“How, Katie? How … did … you do this? How did you make your dream come true? How did you make one of your fantasy stories real? You spent most of your life wishing and praying for this. Believing that if you just held on to the dream, that eventually it would come true. And … and now it has. I believe it. Honest to G_d I believe it! I know that’s you, but how … how can this be?”

Katie Bug offered no answers and Denise could find none, at least none the little bit of sanity she still clung to would tolerate. Eventually she reasoned that how this had happened was irrelevant. Whether it was witchcraft, a Biblical miracle, sun spots, or the will of one stubborn little girl who refused to die without living, it had happened. The child laying there before her proved that. What she didn’t know was why it happened now?

It was Katie’s adult body she’d seen wheeled in on the video. That was as undeniable as the child’s body she was looking at. This meant Katie her co-worker was dead, so it seemed unlikely her strength of will and that Irish stubbornness had anything to do with this … this … she hated to use the word, “miracle.”

It was much more likely an outside force was responsible. The short list on those included angels, witches, friendly spirits, fairy godmothers and the “Big Guy” himself. All of those were things that Denise hadn’t believed in since she wasn’t much older than the girl lying before her.

“Damn you, Bug!” she cursed. “You’re blowing my whole belief system out of the water with this, and if you can hear me, I bet you’re enjoying every minute of it, too.”

Denise smiled at the little girl who couldn’t see it, just to let her know she wasn’t really mad.

Denise ran down the list of suspects and scenarios that could be responsible for this miracle and in the end it didn’t really matter if it was Prue Halliwell from Charmed, Samantha from Bewitched, Glenda the Good Witch, or the long haired Galilean himself. The who fell into the same category as the how. It really didn’t matter.

Why did matter was why? Why would someone give her everything she wanted after the fact? What good would this body be to her if it was lifeless? Denise knew from the stories and chats that having the body was only part of her dream. It was the vehicle that was necessary in order for her to have the life she dreamed of. Giving her this body … even if her spirit could see it, was like giving a child a chocolate bar after they’d brushed their teeth before bed. All they could do was look at it, and wish they could have a bite.

No, assuming that some power gave Katie Bug the body of her dreams, surely it wouldn’t be so cruel as to never let her live to enjoy it. No entity she’d ever imagined could be that evil. Even old Pitchfork and Pointed Ears himself probably wouldn’t do that.

Denise looked up and down the dream body of her best friend and tried to sort this mystery out with what little sanity she had remaining.

“”Okay Bug … they wheeled your old body in and you were here all alone until Doctor Martinez came in and found you looking like a pint sized princess. Sometime during those … those … what was it he said? Oh yeah … eight minutes. Some time during those eight minutes this miracle occurred and the question is …. Were you ever awake to know it, to know your dream come true?”

Denise’s fingers gently squeezed Katie Bug’s lifeless but still barely warm hand.

“Warm … your hand’s still warm! Remember what the doctor said. You were still warm when he found you. It was as if … as if you had just died. That’s got to mean your body didn’t just change after you arrived here. You were warm because you were alive. You were alive for maybe eight minutes, and that means you knew, you knew your dream came true. I’m sure of it!”

Tears of joy fell from Denise’s eyes as she gazed at her friend. “You told me more than once that you’d trade the rest of the time you had left on this Earth to live for just a single day as a real little girl. I … I wonder, was it all worth it for eight minutes? Oh, Honey, I hope it was. I really do.”

The tears of joy changed to sadness as the reality of Katie Bug’s dream come true finally hit home. Yes, she’d gotten the body of her dreams. Finally her body and her soul were alignment, and yes, it was sad she’d only gotten it for eight minutes but that wasn’t the true tragedy. The cruelest twist of fate was that she’d spent those eight minutes alone and in a morgue. Could there possibly have been a worse place or way for her to spend an eight minute lifetime?”

Denise leaned forward and gently caressed the cheek of the little girl who only wanted to be her daughter.

“Oh Katie Bug, I’m so very sorry. You woke up and found your dream had finally come true. You must have been happy beyond anything I can imagine, but … then you realized you had no one to share it with. You must have been so terribly miserable and scared and … and … cold … oh so cold. Alone … you always hated being alone, and now you had to die a second time, and it was all alone. Eight minutes … you had eight minutes to live the life you always wanted. Eight minutes of being the real you.”

Denise looked around the cold, stark, lifeless, colorless lab that smelled of death and chemicals.

“Eight minutes that should have been heaven on Earth, and for you it must have been a hellacious nightmare. Oh my Bug … I’m so sorry. I wish I could have been here for you.”

Denise wiped her eyes and forced a smile. No, she hadn’t been there for those eight minutes Katie must have wanted and needed her most, but she’d been there after work almost every night for four years, and she knew both the woman and the child better than anyone. She knew what the little girl needed and wanted and wished for. She knew how Katie Bug wanted to grow up and she knew how she would have wanted to spend those eight minutes.

She looked lovingly in to the sleeping angel’s face. She didn’t know if somehow Katie could hear her. Hell, at this point wasn’t too sure what she knew anymore, but she was sure of one thing. She was going to give this little girl the eight minutes she always wanted and so deserved, or at least she was going to give it one hell of a try.

Denise brushed the curls from Katie Bug’s face and then started with a smile. “Okay … so we got eight minutes and we’re stuck in the morgue. That’s a tough order kid. You really don’t leave your mom much to work with, do you?”

Denise thought for a moment and then reached into her purse, eventually producing a brush.

“Well I know one thing for sure. We would’ve spent at least two minutes getting that wild mop of yours in order.”

Denise gently lifted Katie Bug’s head and began working the tangles out.

“You’ve got my hair, alright: somewhere between straight, curly and just plain barbed wire.”

Denise continued to work one side of Katie Bug’s hair while she took her free hand and fished deeper into her purse. “”I knew I had a pair of these in there.”

Denise smiled triumphantly as she produced a pair of light blue hair ties.

“These will work perfectly for what I have in mind, and I know you’re going to love it.”

Denise burned another thirty seconds of the eight minutes, but it was well spent as she put Katie Bug’s hair into a pair of two cute pigtails.

“You look adorable. You’re the best looking crumb snatcher in the joint,” she added with a giggle.

Denise glanced at her watch. “Well … I’d say we’ve burned almost three minutes on hair. You’re such a girl. So … what to do now?”

Denise frowned as she looked round the room. There was so much she knew Katie Bug had wanted to do, and yet none of it seemed possible from this ice prison. Denise however wasn’t going to let her friend be cheated.

“You know what, Bug? The hell with it! I’m going to take a page from your book. If you can’t beat reality, then ignore it and create your own.”

She took the little girl’s hand in hers. “C’mon … I’m going to fly you out of here. I’ll be Peter Pan, and as everyone knows, the best Peter Pans were always played by women.”

“I’ll be damned, you’ve got me again,” she said with a wry smile. “You were so sure that I was this good witch with magical powers, and what happens now? I end up promising to fly you out here like I had a broom with overdrive.”

Denise looked up toward the lights in the ceiling but was broadcasting far higher. “You’re enjoying every minute of this aren’t you?”

Denise shook her head and then closed her eyes. She was trying to focus on the five minute magical mystery tour she was about to take her short term daughter on.

“You’re better at this than I am. I’m the second rate poet and artist, you’re the first class story teller, but I’ll do my best.”

Denise released a heavy breath and then put the show on the road.

“First of all … five minutes just isn’t going to do it. Fortunately for you, my math has never been worth a damn, so if the total doesn’t measure out, blame it on the public school system. Now … what to do first?”

Denise looked down at the beautiful body covered by the cold blue plastic and immediately knew where the next few minutes would need to be spent.

“I’m allocating two minutes for clothing on a tour of Gymboree, Kid’s Gap and the Disney Store. Yeah I know what you’re thinking. We could spend two hours at each one of those stores, but we only need one outfit, and your Momma can power shop with a passion when she has to. Now you can go ahead and pick out something all lace and bows like you always wanted. You can go totally fairy tale princess with this outfit if you want to. You’re entitled to it and besides, since I won’t have to wash it, I don’t care how dirty you get it.”

Once the shopping was finished and Katie Bug properly dressed, Denise dreamed on.

“Now you’re all dressed and ready to go, but where do we go first? Hmmm … how about a quick trip to the park? I think we can squeeze in sixty seconds of swings, monkey bars, and slides. I know you’d like that.”

Denise tried to picture the scene in her head. She could hear the laughter and see the smile as Katie Bug ran from slide to swing to bars and back. And of course, Denise had to push the swing a few times.

Denise shook her head. “Damn Bug … all this sweet and sentimental is making me feel like June Cleaver! You’re going to ruin my reputation. However … considering the circumstances, I guess I can take a short break from being Mommy Dearest.”

“So after a minute or twenty of park play, where do we go now?”

Denise looked down at the lifeless body and she could almost hear her speak.

“Home? That figures! You want to go home and see all your sisters don’t you? Alright let’s allocate say … oh four minutes for a family reunion. We’ll walk in and I’ll tell the girls they have a new little sister. Knowing my girls, that means we should have one minute of loving hugs followed by three minutes of fighting like cats and dogs. Yep, nothing like a loving home, absolutely nothing like a loving home, but it’s what you want, isn’t it and you’ll have it.”

Denise rubbed her tummy. “Does all this traveling make you hungry? It does me. What say we load you and the rest of my tax deductions up and go get some pizza at Puchini’s?”

Denise could almost see Katie Bug smile. She knew how much both the adult and the little girl loved pizza, and there was no place she loved it more than at Puchini’s.

“So how about we allocate two minutes for pizza, breadsticks, and the clean up afterwards? Now, have you been keeping track of the minutes? Oh well, I always run over my allotments of minutes on my mobile, why should this be any different?”

Denise searched her memory of the stories Katie Bug had written and the long conversations that they’d had. The things that seem to thrill her friend the most, came from the stories that Denise shared about the activities she shared with her daughters. To Denise, they often seem mundane to the point of totally boring, but to Katie, they were pure gold. Denise decided to put together a quick medley of those.

“Okay, you’re dressed like a princess, hair up in pigtails, you’ve run the playground gauntlet, you’ve met your sisters and you’re stuffed with pizza, so what do we do now? We go back home and have a Gilmore Girls minute or two? We can turn off the lights and we can dance in the dark. You always wanted to do that. I can summon up a thunderstorm. I might as well, it’s all included in the Witch for a Minute program, and we can huddle together in my room, throw open the windows and watch the light show. Chocolate … oh yeah … we gotta have chocolate, plenty of chocolate. What else? Movies, Disney movies, and I know which one you want. It was Emily’s favorite, too. We will have the quickest screening of Little Mermaid ever. And games … I’ll drag them all out of the attic, but be warned, when it comes to Chutes and Ladders I don’t play fair.”

Denise sighed. “There’s so much to do, isn’t there? How do I squeeze it all into the eight minutes? There isn’t even time for one full day, and I want to give you a lifetime.”

Denise let a few sad thoughts and tears trickle in, “I don’t have time to let you poison me with your first Mother’s Day dinner, or to take you Trick or Treating, or to be there for your first school play or ball game, because I know there’s a tomboy with a mitt in her hand somewhere beneath all those lace and petticoats. No time for Christmases, no Sweet Sixteen parties, and no time for Grandma to spoil you rotten. Damn it! There just isn’t enough time.”

Denise wiped the tears from her eyes. She was right; Katie Bug didn’t have enough time for the joys and heartaches of growing up as a little girl. She’d been given eight minutes, and she’d been left alone with it. That was the undeniable reality, and all the fantasy trips Denise could give her now would never change that.

“Eight minutes … If we’d had eight minutes, I would have loved to do all these things for you and with you, but … I know the one thing you would’ve wanted most, more than clothes or pizza or games.”

Denise reached forward and gently gathered up the small child. She was a cold rag doll that the mother pulled to her breast. Denise held her close and rocked her.

“Always the hug monster. More than anything else, more than anytime else, you always seemed the most alive whenever you were being hugged. I saw it in your eyes and I felt it in your embrace. Eight minutes, and nothing would have made you happier than to have spent every second of it cuddled up against me, warm and safe and loved.”

Tears fell freely from Denise’s eyes as she did her best to give Katie Bug what she knew she’d wanted most. She gave her those eight minutes, and then added one more that that she knew would make it complete. It was something her friend had begged for as often as a hug. It was something all her girls loved when they were that age, and had yet to realize that their mother couldn’t carry a tune. Denise knew the right song, the only song it could be.

Her voice was hoarse with tears and she started out rough, but love carried the tune, even if she couldn’t. It was Part of Your World from the Little Mermaid.

“Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat?
Would you think my collection’s complete?
Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl.
The girl who has everything?

Look at the trove, treasures untold
How many treasures can one cavern hold?
Looking around here, you’d think
Sure, she’s got everything.

I’ve got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I’ve got who’s-its and what’s-it’s galore
You want thing-a-mabob?
I’ve got twenty
But who cares? No big deal. I want more.”

Denise’s voice trailed off. She wanted to give Katie Bug more, so much more, but as the tears choked her voice, she was afraid she couldn’t even finish the song.

She wiped her eyes, trying to pick up at least close to where she’d left of. She could imagine Katie hanging on every word and smiling wider than she was.

“What would I give if I could live
Outta these waters.
What would I pay to spend a day
Warm on the sand”

When’s it my turn?
Wouldn’t I love?
Love to explore the shore up above
Out … of … the sea
Wish ... I … could be
Part … of … that …. World”.

Tears made any more verses impossible, but they really weren’t necessary. The last few lines had said it all. All Katie had ever wanted was to be part of that world, the one that had always seemed just outside her reach.

Denise held her close and rocked.

“You know, if this was one of your stories, it would be time now for one of those sweet and sentimental happy endings you’re famous for.”

Denise pondered that thought for a moment.

“Let’s see now …. How would you write it? Hmmm … ‘The loving mother held the lifeless child to her breast … ummm … ample breast … and rocked her. She wished with all her heart that her little one would come back to her. She kissed the imp on her forehead and said a silent prayer that … that she would see the love and joy in those beautiful baby blue eyes once again. And … and then a miracle happened and … and … the child opened her eyes and smiled as she said, I love you Mummy.’

Denise pulled back from Katie, hoping to see the second miracle today come true, but the little one in her arms was still lifeless.

“I’m sorry, Katie Bug.” Denise apologized with tears in her eyes. “I guess I’m just not the story teller you are, and I guess there’s no happy ending here.”

Denise eased Katie Bug back down to the table as if she truly were a sleeping child and then kissed her gently on the forehead.

“I’m sorry I could have been here with you when you needed me most, and I know you were scared and lonely, but …”

Denise stopped mid-sentence when her attention was stolen by Katie Bug’s left hand, or more aptly, dark smudges on the fingertips.

“What’s this?” she asked as she took the small hand into hers.

Denise rubbed the dark coloring, and noticed that part of it had transferred to her own fingers. She raised it up to get a closer look and made a positive identification.

“Ink? Why on Earth would there be ink all over your fingers and …”

She checked the side of Katie Bug’s hand and found more black gold smudged along it.

Denise shook her head. It was too obvious.

“Left handers,” she shook her head and smiled. “They always run their hand across their writing, and it’s a total mess when a little left hander gets hold of an ink pen.”

“An ink pen!” she shouted and began looking around for the ink pen in question.

She hadn’t been sure what Katie had done for those magical eight minutes of hers, but now she knew at least one thing. Katie had been writing. The smudges on the left hand and fingers proved that. The question was … what had she written? A note? That would be the most obvious answer. Possibly a note to Denise to let her know that impossible dreams do come true sometimes.

Denise searched the cart and then the floor. Three feet away, and snuggled next to a file cabinet she found the ink pen. It was a leaker, and she didn’t need CSI to match up the smudges. This was the pen Katie had used to write the note, but where was the note?

As she searched the floor and anything she felt a girl three feet tall could reach, she thought more about the contents of the note. Katie tended to be a bit long winded in her writing and her speech. Her stories often wound into novel length. Could she possibly have said everything she wanted to say in eight minutes of writing? Was there time for her to convey how she must have felt? The incredible joy of a dream come true, but then the sadness of having no one to share it with, and the fear that must have came with the aloneness, and the cold … oh she had to be cold and Denise knew Katie hated the cold.

Ten minutes after beginning the search, she came up empty on the letter. Denise was heartbroken and frustrated. She searched her mind for clues, some place, some thing she must have missed.

Jorge hadn’t thought to mention the ink smudges on Katie Bug’s hands. The only thing he’d mentioned was, how warm she was and how she’d been lying on her stomach.

It hit her like the bright light that almost blinded her when she walked in. Katie was lying on her stomach. Her right hand propped under her head and her left hand dangling over the edge. Of course! She was lying on the cart when she wrote the letter. Her right hand had supported her head while her left hand did the writing.

Denise had looked under the cart and all around it, but there was no letter. She pulled back the blue plastic sheet and again there was no letter, just the nude body of a beautiful little girl. She started the lower the sheet down when she noticed something white and folded, tucked into the corner. Jorge had missed it when he had examined the body, and she’d missed it when she had pulled Katie into her arms.

Denise reached into the corner and pulled out a white piece of computer paper. Once she unfolded it, there was no longer a mystery of what Katie Bug had done with her eight minutes.

Denise’s hand’s trembled and her eyes misted as the message she hoped to find was not given in long flowing sentences, but something more appropriate for a girl Katie Bug’s age: a picture.

“Coloring,” she thought.

On her short list of eight minute activities she’d forgotten one that Katie cherished. She loved to color. She had waxed poetically several times that the only thing she wanted was a warm place on Denise’s living room floor, some blank paper in front of her, and some crayons to bring her dreams to life.

As Denise drank in the picture that Katie Bug had dedicated her eight minutes to, she knew the little one had accomplished her goal.

It was a masterpiece destined to hang at the greatest art gallery in the world: the center of the Denise’s refrigerator. There in black and white, as she didn’t have proper crayons to weave color magic was Katie Bug’s version of her dream come true.

The art was classic five year old. Fortunately, Denise was still fluent in that lost language and she understood perfectly.

The figures were barely more than stick figures, but each had been decorated with something that said who they were just as sure as if Katie had named them.

There were seven figures in the picture. The two largest stood holding hands in the middle. In true fairy tale fashion both were wearing crowns. The “King” was tall, lean, and sans any flowing locks. The “Queen” had big eyes, high heels, and a curvy line by where her bum would be. There was no doubt this was Jack and Denise.

The remaining five figures were all princesses. Two were on Jack’s side, and the three others were on Denise’s side. There was no doubt they represented Emily, Erin, Christina and Samantha.

The fifth and final princess was the smallest of the lot. Her hair was wiggly lines drawn into pigtails. Her eyes were big. Her smile was bigger, and she was reaching up to hold Denise’s hand.

A big round sun sent its warming rays down on the family group. Only one word was printed on the picture. Just four letters, but when Denise read them she knew it was the one word that symbolized everything that Katie Bug had ever wanted. No … it wasn’t LOVE, but that came naturally with the word she had printed.

The word was HOME. ‘Home’ was the one place Katie Bug had always wanted to be, because home was a safe, warm place where she was free to be herself and was surrounded by those who loved her most. HOME.

The word and the picture said it all and as Denise held the little artist’s labor of love in her hand a smile crept at her lips and along with it a great sense of relief.

She had been so worried about how miserable Katie had to be spending those eight minutes all alone, but now she realized her friend hadn’t truly been alone. She had spent those precious minutes creating a picture for Denise which removed all doubts.

Katie Bug hadn’t been sad, scared, alone or cold. When she woke and didn’t see her loved ones with her, she took pen in hand, opened her heart and then brought them out to be with her. She put herself into the picture, and in doing so; it was her way of letting Denise know that she wasn’t alone. She was letting her know that she knew she was loved and wanted, and a part of something beautiful, even before the final miracle gave her this body to make it complete. She had been Denise’s friend, even if she couldn’t be her daughter, and she’d been invited into her home and made to feel welcome and loved by all those there. From the day she’d shared her story with Denise, and touched her heart, she’d always been a part of the family. Now she was finally going to get to come home, and as long as Denise carried the picture and the memories in her heart, then Katie Bug would always be there.

Denise brushed away more tears from her cheeks, but most of them were happy. She took the picture, refolded it and put it in her handbag. She took one last look at the little girl who had so much wanted to her little girl. She’d made it physically for eight minutes, but she would be there spiritually for the rest of Denise’s life.

Denise kissed her forehead. Katie Bug’s last words to Denise at every parting were always, “I love you.” Sometimes Denise returned them, but most of the time she’d simply said, “I know.”

This time, this final physical parting, Katie Bug would hear the words she always wanted to hear.

“I love you,” Denise said sweetly and with all sincerity.

She turned and then walked through the swinging doors. She was quickly greeted by Dr. Martinez and Jack, who obviously couldn’t bear waiting for her call in the doctor’s office.

He was the first to reach Denise. He looked into her eyes, assessing her condition as if he were the one with the medical degree.

“Babe are you alright? I was starting to get worried. I almost came in.”

Denise smiled. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine now.”

He offered his arm to her whether she needed it or not and as always, she took it.

“About Katie?” Jorge interrupted the moment.

Denise turned her smile toward him. “There’s no doubt whatsoever that is Katie.”

Jorge gave her a puzzled look, but he could see she was absolutely serious.

“I’ll sign whatever documents you need me to sign. I’d also like to have her cremated after the vital organs have been harvested. You’ve been truly wonderful about everything and I appreciate your professionalism and ummm … discretion.”

He didn’t need his PHD to figure out what Denise was saying. Katie’s amazing transformation was something that would never be known beyond the two of them and the walls of the morgue. Who would believe them if they did tell anyone? He could make sure the body was cremated without question, and then give the ashes to Denise. No one would ever be the wiser.

The trio headed to the Coroner’s office to take care of the final paperwork. Denise eased her head onto Jack’s shoulder as they walked. Jack just couldn’t remain silent.

“Are you ever going to tell me what just happened?”

Denise smiled at Jack as they arrived at the office.

“Tonight after the girl’s have gone off to bed, I’ll sit down and tell you the whole story.”

Jack chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“Sounds like a long one.”

Denise shook her head as she squeezed her beloved’s hand.

“No … not really. It’s only eight minutes long, but it lasts forever.”

Jack wanted to say something in response, but didn’t have a clue how to answer a line like that, so discretion being the better part of valor, the King kissed his Queen and silently followed her into the office.

Hugs and love

Edited by Holly H Hart and shalimar

Fade To Black

A girl's reflections as she prepares to end the last chapter.

And so she stood on the edge of the cliff, tears burning her cheeks and blurring her vision. She was empty now … empty of love … empty of fear … empty of hope … empty of the faith that had carried her through the darkness for so long.

She had finally come to the place she’d always known she’d have to face one day. She’d fought, feared, and ran from this place … this day for so long, but now as the tears subsided, a coolness washed over her mind and body. It was like a release before the release she hoped to find at the bottom of the cliff.

No more running, no more hiding, no more waking up to find God had failed once again to grant her a miracle or send an angel to carry her to heaven. Finally she’d found the courage to stop, turn, and face the two things she feared most: reality and aloneness.

As she readied herself to jump she found a knowing smile. Some would say she was a cowardly quitter who’d given up and lost the battle, but they were wrong. In her heart she knew she’d won the life long war, because today she was defeating the enemy by putting a stop to the pain and the madness.

Heaven or hell awaited her. She wasn’t sure which would be her final destination, but she didn’t really care. Of course she had a preference, who wouldn’t … but truth was ... she’d just deal with the afterlife when she got there.

Her eyes focused on the blackness below her but her mind thought back to the world she was about to leave behind. Memories of some very special people came to her … people who had touched her and she had touched them. She was glad those memories were locked safely away in the past, where what she was about to do could not change or destroy them.

Regrets? She really only had one. She really hated to hurt those she loved and left behind. She didn’t want to cause them pain. She only wanted to end her own. Fortunately, she knew that those who truly knew her … knew her pain … and knew why she was here. They might not agree with her choice, but at least they would understand it and respect it. Yes … they would be sad … but life goes on … better people than her have left this world … their hurt would heal soon. Her pain would end now.

She placed her note aside the picture of her family and a thought came to her, “Immortality”. Yes … this body … this life was at an end, but she wasn’t really leaving, because she would be remembered and loved. And as long as you are safe in the hearts of those who love you then you are always with them and you never really die.

It was finally time … no more words … no more tears … no more unanswered prayers … no more pain … no more running … no more thoughts … jump and fade to black.

Note by Holly Hart. This is only a story, written years before Maggie posted it, at a time when she was very down. She did not expect the reaction it got. She is sorry she panicked so many people. Besides comments here, Maggie and I both got a number of private messages here, or emails. Since it was posted, I've spoken to her and we gave each other real world hugs, She is fine and happy now. HHH

“No matter what happens … no matter whether or not you grant my wish … I just want to say how much I appreciate your friendship. You’ve been kind and patient and compassionate, helpful and honest and … most of all … been there when I’ve needed you. Thank you.”

In a familiar future, while villagers are en route to a new home world, a girl finds the magic to fulfill her dream, but will she be allowed to use it and at what cost?

The young woman sat alone at a small table near the large windows of the observation lounge. Seemingly oblivious to the conversations at nearby tables, and the general noise associated with the comings and goings of Starfleet personnel, Maggie O'Malley cupped her steaming mug of herbal tea with both hands and stared intently into the vast star filled space before her.

Even when she was sitting, it was obvious she was tall, with a slender athletic build. Tussled auburn locks cascaded over her shoulders and half way down her back, feathery bangs, and two long, tightly woven braids, one on each side, framed the young woman's face. Her eyes, normally a sparkling azure blue, were now a deep darker hue.

This signaled her strong emotional state. Her lightly tanned face gave her a healthy, outdoors look; and, despite the troubled thoughts that occupied her mind, her face still had a youthful countenance that made her look younger than her true 22 years of age.

A delicate gold chain encircled her neck, and from it hung a small quartz crystal set in a finely detailed metal clasp. As Maggie gazed down into her steaming mug, the crystal swung forward from her chest, dancing and sparking before her. Her left hand reached up and held the crystal, squeezing it lovingly. Her expression changed from worry to warm remembrance and a slight smile teased at the corners of her mouth.

Suddenly, she was 10 years old and home again in her village just outside Dublin, Ireland. It was the day before her "Coming of Age" ceremony and she stood with her mother, pouring out her young soul, sharing her pain, and impossible dreams.

Only Maggie wasn't called Maggie then. She, wasn't even a she then! Her name was Matthew, and she was the younger of the two boys in her family. Yet, even before Matthew was Maggie, both Matthew and his mother knew that his spirit was one of a little girl.

When Matthew was born, he carried a heart shaped birthmark on his left shoulder. This birthmark is the symbol of a healer and is usually found on the first born daughter of a healer. No male child in Matthew's village had ever been born with that symbol, and as Matthew grew, it became apparent; he was not like the other boys.

As long as the boys and girls played together he was content, but when the little girls left to play their games and the boys went to play rough and tumble, Matthew wouldn't play with the other boys. He would sit on a hill above where the girls would play and watch them with envy. He couldn't understand why they wouldn't let him play, and after awhile he would often run into the woods, climb his favorite tree and cry until his mother or father came looking for him.

Many times, they would sit with him, and try to explain why he couldn't play with the girls; or, even more importantly, why he couldn't be a girl. These conversations usually ended with both parties frustrated and often in tears.

Matthew's father could only hope his son might outgrow his painful feelings. Matthew's mother knew her son would not, but despite her powers as a healer, she knew not how to help him.

Matthew could never understand why he wasn't a girl. He carried the healers mark proudly. Every one knew that only a girl could be a healer. If only his parents would let him be a healer, then everyone would be able to see he really was a girl after all.

As Matthew grew to school age, he suffered even more. as he He was welcomed by neither the boys or the girls. He would run away from school; and, either climb his favorite tree, higher and higher up as he grew older and stronger; or, he would find his mother.

Crying and shaking, he would beg her not to send him back to school. Her heart breaking, she would give in, and he would accompany her on both her daily chores, and her visits to the sick and troubled. Matthew marveled at his mother's soft touch, and skill as a healer. She had a strong gift and helped so many. Matthew was never happier, then when he was accompanying his mother on her rounds.

Matthew's tenth birthday was fast approaching and it was time for him to select his life path, and begin his apprenticeship in a craft. Most boys followed in their fathers path. They looked forward to farming, or building, or shaping horse shoes from raw metal over a flame.

Matthew's father was a goldsmith. His finely detailed work was among the best in all the neighboring villages. Matthew's older brother was already apprenticing, and Matthew's father would be proud if both his sons were to join the family trade.

Matthew loved the creations his father made, but he didn't want to be a goldsmith. He wanted to be what was in his heart, and what was to be his destiny from the day he was born. He wanted to be a healer.

Matthew's mother came to him the day before his Coming of Age ceremony and asked him if he had decided what path he wished to choose. Matthew's mother had a special gift as a healer. She could sense the deep emotions of other; and sometimes almost feel their joys and pains as if they were her very own, but at that moment she didn't need that gift to know what her child was feeling.

Matthew looked up at her with his eyes a deep blue and told her he wanted to be a healer like her. It didn't matter to him if all the healers were girls. He had the mark, and he knew that deep inside he had the gift, and that he really was a girl, even if nobody would believe him.

He told his mother he had dreams of being a girl. He would go to bed as Matthew and when he would wake up, he would be a beautiful little girl with long auburn hair just like his mothers. He even had a girl's name. It was Maggie.

When Matthew said his girl name was Maggie, his mother swallowed hard and looked deep into her child's eyes. Chills ran down her back as she thought, "Maggie was the name I selected when I was so sure I was going to have a daughter. I never told Matthew that. Nobody knew that. How could he have known?

If I wasn't sure before, I am now". Maggie's mother hugged her child tightly and spoke, "Matthew, if you want to be a healer, then you will be one. If you really want to be a girl, then we'll do all that we can to let you be that too. It will be much more difficult than you can imagine".

She paused a moment to stroke her child's hair, "But your life will be difficult no matter which path you choose. From this day on, you will be a healer; and you will live as a girl. You will be Maggie to us, and all that know you."

Matthew was overjoyed. He was going to be a healer, and he would live and dress just like a girl. It didn't really matter then if he had a boy's body. All that mattered was Maggie would live!

Matthew's mother and father spent a sleepless night discussing their child's wish to be a healer, and a girl. In the end, Matthew's father agreed. He loved his child too much to keep him or her from what appeared to be an undeniable destiny.

The next day at her Coming of Age ceremony, Maggie stood proudly behind her parents, as most of the village looked on. Then as tradition would have it, her parents each took one of her hands and asked her if she had made her decision.

Maggie looked into his mother's eyes searching for reassurance, and finding it, as she smiled warmly at her. She then took a deep breath, and stepped out from behind her parents.

A hush fellow over the crowd, as out stepped young Maggie in wearing a girls dress, and with a bow in her hair. She bravely looked into the crowd and stated, " My name is Maggie O'Malley and I choose to be a healer and pledge my life to help others."

Maggie seemed spent after saying that and her knees started to buckle. The villagers were obviously shocked and confused, and voices rose from the crowd. Her father squeezed her hand and kissed his child's forehead, before stepping aside and allowing Matthew's mother to stand directly before her child.

Matthew's mother spoke, "Please be quiet. Everyone now, I've me piece to speak, and I'd be obliged if you'd let me speak it. Today my child has chosen the path. Let all know that from this day forward my child shall be known as Maggie O'Malley, my daughter and an apprentice healer. There be those of you who would say, he can't be a girl, he's a boy, but I say to you within this child's body is the heart and soul of a girl, just as real as any daughters of yours. If you deny my child the chance to be herself, then you deny her the chance to live.

Now which of you is gonna tell my child she can't live? The crowd hushed, faces looked to the ground, and not one would take the challenge offered. "Now there are those who may doubt my child has the right to be a healer, just as you would doubt her right to be a girl, but my child carries the mark, that you can see, and there's no doubting to me, the gift is there.

Yes, Maggie is different, but our village, our way of life was founded by those who were different. The world couldn't see or understand why our founders felt the way they did, but their beliefs were true then as they are now. My child believes in something that perhaps you can't see or understand, but it's just as true as our founders dreams. If you be condemning my child for being different and chasing a dream, then you be turning your back on everything we've ever lived by."

Maggie's mother searched the crowd for disapproval, but no one spoke a word. "I ask you all now to find it within your hearts to accept my child as the soul that stands truly before you."

Maggie's father and brother stood proudly by Maggie's side as her mother produced a crystal necklace from her pocket. "My husband, my son, and me proudly present our child to you. From this day forward, let it be known her name is Maggie and she is a healer."

Maggie's eyes were wide open and her heart nearly leapt from her chest. She was going to be a healer and a girl. She wished she looked more like a girl, but at least she could finally dress and live like one, and that was much better than trying to be the boy she never was.

Maggie looked up at her mother as she placed the crystal around her neck. It matched the one worn by her mother and was known throughout her land as the talisman of a healer. The villagers one by one came up and welcomed the village's newest healer.

It was awkward and difficult for all parties; but, the most difficult task lay before the family. From the moment her mother and father agreed to let her live her dream, Matthew had died, and given life to Maggie.

Everyone would have to get used to saying, "she, her and Maggie" It took quite an adjustment by Maggie's family and the villagers. Many were not readily accepting, but she began to win their hearts and respect, as it became more evident that she had really been a "Maggie", all along.

For Maggie, the changes came as easy and as welcomed as if she had been living as a girl all along. She worked very hard at learning her chosen craft and all the things a young girl should know. There was no more demanding or rewarding a profession, than to be a healer. A healer could care for the body, mind and soul of a person through using applied medical and holistic techniques or natural medicines made from the minerals, herbs, and other plants found nearby.

While a healer could set a broken bone, or act as a midwife, it was the potions they made, and their empathic abilities that made them special. The procuring, making, and administrating of the various potions and medicines was an exact science. An improperly picked root, and ounce too much, or administered too soon could kill a patient instead of cure. A well-worn leather bound book carried the formulas and warnings for many potions. It had been handed down generation to generation from the first known healers, who many called sorceress or white witch then. While the many potions and their properties could be learned, the gift of empathic powers could not be.

Her mother, Bridgette, a petite woman with fair skin, azure blue eyes, and long auburn hair, had a strong gift and was the best healer in the any of the surrounding villages. The challenge a healer faced was a great one. People would come at all hours of the day and night. Troubled by the loss of a loved one, unsure of a path to take, confused, frustrated and frightened, they'd seek out the healer's wisdom. Men and women would sit with Bridgette; sometimes they would talk, or cry, or laugh for hours on end. Other times barely a word was spoken and often she would hold that persons hand, lightly touch their shoulder, or cradle them and rock. Other times Bridgette would grab her brown satchel bag, which was always filled with clothes, potions and a blanket and she would leave with a the troubled soul. They would go into the forest, often for days before returning, but almost always seeming more at peace upon their return. Bridgette explained to Maggie that she really didn't understand how this gift workeds, only that somehow, she could feel strong emotions in the people around her, often before they even spoke a word. Sometimes laying a hand on a persons shoulder would bring their feelings to her, so strong, and, so vibrant as if they were her own. She not only could see their pain, but feel it too. She tried to help others find answers, and to accept things, when there were no answers to be found. She would often wonder how she could ever be like her mother.

Bridgette sensing the child's uneasiness, kissed her on the cheek, and drew her close to her. "Don't worry so little one, you will find your way, and I will always be here to help you." softly spoke her mother. Maggie's mother had great confidence and pride in her daughter as she started her life path. Maggie wondered if she would be just as proud of her decision to join Starfleet, as she was those days so long ago.

A loud chorus of hoots and laugher filled the lounge and brought Maggie quickly back to her table. A group of cadets across the room seem to be having a celebration of sorts. Perhaps they had just graduated or were celebrating the postings of their first deep space assignment.

Maggie remembered her first "deep space assignment"; and the role her father played in it. Michael O'Malley was Maggie's father; and besides being a fine gold smith, he also was the leader of the village council. He had curly brown hair, long side burns, and soft brown eyes. He was tall, well built and strong. Yet, for the most part he was a gentle, fun loving, patient man with a great pride in his work, and the history of his people, and respect for the lifestyle they lived. It was those qualities that made him a well-respected leader of the village; and it was out of that respect for their lifestyle, that sent Michael 40 miles horseback into Dublin.

The village had far outgrown the lands allotted to them long ago, and Michael carried with him a proposal to annex additional lands in the area. Maggie remembered the day her father rode off to Dublin, and how handsome he looked in his pants, tall boots, white ruffled shirt, and cloak. He picked up his eight-year-old child, then known as Matthew, as if he weighed nothing at all; and he gave him a hug and kiss before riding off to Dublin. The journey was only 40 miles, but nearly 600 years into the future. The people who lived in Dublin, knew the people who lived in Maggie's village as "Naturalists". Despite the fact, it was the 24th century; her people lived much the same way as their ancestors had nearly 600 years ago. The original settlers founded the village some 200 years earlier, spurning modern civilization, and returning to the simpler existence their ancestors had known in 18th century Ireland. It was a return to nature, hence the name Naturalist".

The people who lived in the village were not ignorant of the advances of modern civilization, they just chose not to live with them. The closeness they felt with nature, and with one another in this tightly knit group, far outweighed the advanced form of life most of the world enjoyed. Very seldom did any villager leave the area to go to Dublin, nor did anyone come to visit very often.

Outsiders were welcome so long as they left their technology behind. The occasional visitor seldom stayed long as they felt life without their replicators and computers were far too primitive.

Michael returned within a fortnight, but without a land grant for more land. As he called the villagers together, he explained as best he could what stood before them. The Dublin government had denied there their request for additional lands; and there were rumors the lands they had held for the last 200 years were in jeopardy. There were those on the council in Dublin, who felt the lands now occupied by the villagers, might serve a much better commercial use. One of the council members, more sympathetic to the cause directed Michael to the Starfleet headquarters in Dublin, and instructed him to inquire about something called a "relocation program." Michael did just that; and it was a proposal from Starfleet that Michael held in his hand.

If the villagers were willing to not only leave Ireland, but the Earth as well, Starfleet would begin searching their databases for uninhabited worlds recently discovered in Federation space. They would try to match their survey profiles with a world similar to the one they were now living in. Once found, the villagers would be transported there; given any assistance they needed to be settled, and begin life again. Starfleet vessels would make periodic visits to check on their welfare, bring supplies, address medical needs etc.

The decision was the biggest ever faced by the villagers. It all came down to, would they be willing to leave home to have a home. There was much debate; but in the end, Michael returned to Starfleet headquarters in Dublin; and accepted the offer.

Maggie would be 13 before a suitable planet was found and arrangements could be made. Maggie had been living as a girl for three years now. Her hair had grown long. She was tall and thin. Taller than most girls, yet, she was very feminine in appearance and mannerism. Most boys her age were showing the signs of impending manhood. Most girls were developing in both hips and bust. Maggie seemed to be standing still, her body becoming neither a man's nor a woman's.

Yet, she knew, it was probably only a matter of time, before the dreaded changes would begin. She could try to shave the hair, but the deep voice would come, and that thing between her legs would grow. Oh, how she hated that thing! It was her constant reminder that her body betrayed her spirit. As Maggie remembered her last sights of home before being loaded into the huge bowels of a transport ship, she looked forward to her future world, if not her future body. It would be a six-month journey to her new home; and she wondered what changes would take place within her by the time she reached it.

Maggie took a sip of her tea; and for the first time since she had been sitting there, took a really good look at the star-scape before her. It was all just as exciting, powerful and compelling today, as it was the first time she saw it. To think that standing before her was an endless universe, and within that universe, were a myriad of huge galaxies, and within those galaxies, stars, were surrounded by worlds, each inhabited by millions of beings, some very much like herself, and others so very different, she might not even recognize them as life at all. It was all as ancient as time itself and yet new worlds were being born every minute.

Maggie blew out a gentle sigh, and shook her head. "No", she thought, "every gaze will always be just as special and exciting as the first."

Had it not been for her mother, and her talent as a healer, Maggie may never have had her first gaze into deep space. Shortly after leaving Earth, Maggie contracted the fever. It ravaged her body, and she nearly died, before her mother was finally able to break the fever. Maggie slept for days, lapsing in and out of consciousness, but always seeing her mother's face, feeling her cool touch, and hearing her soft voice singing, whenever she would awaken.

By the time Maggie was well enough to be up and around another situation occurred. It was not as serious as Maggie's illness had been, but it involved the entire group of settlers. Michael O'Malley, together with the ships captain informed the settlers that the ships engine had gone down, and was not repairable by the crew. Before panic could break out among the crowds, the captain reassured them that they were in no immediate danger, and that a Federation Starship was on the way to rendezvous with them within three days. The Starship would carry them until another transport ship could be made ready.

True to his word, the Starship arrived three days later and transported the settlers and their belongings aboard.

Maggie hadn't much cared for her stint aboard the transport ship. She was deathly ill for most of it, and the vessel, with its cavernous space, made Maggie feel like she'd been swallowed by a giant metal whale.

The starship on the other hand, was of far more interest to Maggie. Her time on that ship would be scarcely more than a fortnight; but the impact on her future would be tremendous.

The transport ship was little more than a holding area, but a starship contained loads of interesting people, places and machines, that Maggie could only dream of. Had Maggie been the daughter of anyone else in the group beside Michael and Bridgette O'Malley, she may never have gotten a chance to explore much of the starship's world outside the settlers quarters. Most of the villagers preferred not to expose themselves or their children to such things, seeing nothing to be gained in the experience. Michael however, being the liaison between the settlers, and those in charge of the settlers well being, made numerous trips all over the ship; and Maggie was ready to tag about every chance he'd let her.

At first, Maggie was worried that the crew might realize she wasn't a "whole" girl; but her parents eased her fears when they told her that people of all races came aboard these ships, and that everyone, no matter who or what they were, were welcome. Maggie would have nothing to fear when she journeyed the ship. She could hardly wait for her first trip out.

Stepping into the ships corridors was like stepping into another world for Maggie. Each turn, each corridor was filled with unimaginable wonders and uniforms briskly moving about. Maggie met several of the crewmembers during her trips with her father.

She met the first officer; a tall well built handsome man with a beard, and a warm smile. He made several trips to the settlers quarters, and caught the eye of every woman there,; and, even Maggie felt her face blush and grow hot any time he spoke to her. Maggie hadn't really thought about boys, like the other girls did. Maybe, because she knew she wasn't quite like the other girls, but she felt all funny inside whenever she thought of the handsome first officer.

It was the kind of funny, she had heard other girls describe, when they watched the boys in the village. Maggie realized, although her body might mature into a man, her heart and soul was growing more into a woman's with each passing day.

She also met an extremely fierce looking crewman, who resembled a monster more than a man, in Maggie's opinion. Her father told her he was a Klingon. Maggie saw him only once, and for her, that was more than enough.

She also met several of the crew through her mother. The ships doctor, a warm and friendly woman who reminded Maggie a great deal of her own mother, came down to see the settlers shortly after they had come aboard. Once the doctor found out Bridgette was a healer, she struck up an immediate friendship. The doctor's grandmother had taught her a little about natural medicine and herbs, and she was eager to learn more and share any medical knowledge that Bridgette might be interested in. Maggie, being a healer's apprentice, was included in their conversations and their journeys. The doctor invited them both to visit where she worked; a place called "Sickbay".

To Maggie, "Sickbay", was the most wondrous place she would visit on the entire ship. Her mother was familiar with some of the techniques that modern medicine had to offer; but, even she was in awe of what she saw. Wounds could disappear from a patient's body as quickly and as easily, as the doctor could run her hand over them. Small machines, held in the palm of a doctors hand, could tell her nearly anything she needed to know about the patient, all by just passing it over the body. Potions sitting atop small metallic tubes could be "shot" right into the patient without exposing a drop of blood; and, often within minutes, if not sooner, the patient would be better or fully cured.

Maggie thought about her own fever; and how she wished her mother could have cured her fever so easily. Maggie felt a sadness in her heart; and instinctively, she knew it was her mothers feelings. She looked over at her, took her hand and squeezed it. She knew what her mother was thinking. How many people had she watched suffer and die, that might have been saved by the miracles that stood before her? There was deep pain and frustration in her mothers heart, and another thought.

For the first time ever, Bridgette questioned the wisdom in living a life that could allow that to happen. The doctor had shown them much of her medical technology; but she was quick to point out, that with all that she had shown them, she was just as powerless to stop death when it was destined, and she was just as saddened by the loss as they were.

The doctor also showed them a large bay where they grew all sorts of plants, and all without the benefit of the sun. Amazingly enough, they made their own indoor sun. The trips to this indoor garden were much more relaxed than the tours through sick bay, and the three women relaxed and spent hours planting, talking and examining the species of plants.

Bridgette shared her knowledge of her plants and their properties, along with a supply of seeds, from those which she had brought with her, to cultivate in their new home. During those hours of gardening, Maggie felt that more than plants were being discussed by the doctor and her mother. Several times, the two older women would send Maggie over to the other side of the bay to search for seedlings. Upon returning, both the doctor and Bridgette would stop talking in mid sentence; and after that, Maggie would feel the doctors eyes studying her, whenever she turned her back.

Maggie tried to tell herself that she was just being self conscious, wondering if the doctor could tell that she was a boy in a dress. The doctor had treated Maggie just like a real girl, and with the same respect as her mother. Maggie really liked the doctor, and once she got to know her, apart from all her medical technology, she was very much like a healer. The only major difference she discovered, was that doctors in this world almost exclusively deal with healing the body. The healing of the mind or spirit is done by another doctor called a "counselor."

The doctor introduced Maggie and Bridgette to the ship's counselor the day after she had met them. The counselor was a beautiful, and charming woman with raven black hair and eyes to match. The dark pupiless eyes were the only characteristic that Maggie could see that would have distinguished her race from Maggie's own. The counselor came from a race known as Betazed. The counselor herself was only one half Betazed, but retained the dark eyes and to a lesser degree, the other attributes of her race.

Modern technology did not seem to play the role in a counselors work, as it did a doctors. Perhaps it was because counselors, just like healers, listened to, and advised those troubled souls who sought them out, and just like a healer, there were sessions of laughter and hugs, tears and silence. The counselor, like the healer seemed to rely on her ability to feel a persons emotions, and together with her own wisdom, would help the person find the answers and the peace they sought. The amazing thing about Betazed counselors, was that not only could they sense strong emotions, but they could read the very words from your mind, and could talk among each other, using only their thoughts. Maggie found that to be a bit unnerving and wondered if the counselor was reading her thoughts.

If anyone aboard the whole ship would know that she wasn't the same as other girls it would be this counselor. Yet like the ship's doctor, she treated Maggie with kindness and respect. Only once, did Maggie suspect the counselor knew the truth. Just as Maggie and her mother were about to leave the counselors quarters, the counselor put her hand on Maggie's shoulder and told her that she was welcome to come visit her, and talk to her, anytime, about anything. Maggie just smiled and said thank you. She wondered if she was just being kind, or did she know the truth? Maggie never took her up on that invitation, but she did return with her mother, to learn more about the role of the ship's counselor.

During their return visit, the counselor was quick to point out, that many counselors aboard starships had no empathic powers what so ever. They relied totally on their training and life experience to help others. At least Bridgette and Maggie could be thankful for having that one advantage in being a healer.

Of all the people she met, one stood out as the most interesting, the most curious, and her favorite.

It was their last night aboard the ship and Maggie couldn't sleep. She desperately wanted once last trip through the ship. "This is the last time I will ever be on a starship", she thought, "I just have to see more."

Maggie, breaking rule number one aboard the starship, by leaving alone, slipped quietly out of her quarters. Rules two and three were: never, ever, go to the captains bridge, and never touch anything without permission. "Breaking the first rule was as good as breaking all three.", she thought, as she made her way about the series of corridors.

The decks were much less active now do to the lateness of the hour; but she still encountered a few crewmen, who were probably oblivious to her, yet she would not look them in the eye, certain they would read the guilt she had in hers. Maggie had journeyed for the better part of the hour, taking numerous turns, and climbing up and down ladders in long tubes; but for the most part, she hadn't seen anything that was as interesting as she had hoped. Having summoned up nearly all her courage just to make this trip, she had very little left to actually go into most sections she encountered.

Disgusted that she had risked so much, and seen so little, she began to retrace her steps back to the settlers quarters. It didn't take Maggie long to realize she was traveling in circles and getting more lost by the minute. Maggie's heart pounded, and tears began to well in her eyes as fear and shame gripped her. She wasn't really afraid of being lost. She could ask the next crewman she saw to help her; or even ask the ship to give her directions, as she had seen others do. However, this would undoubtedly alert her parents, and possibly the captain, that she had betrayed her parents trust, and brought shame to her people.

Maggie wandered a while longer; and then, finally succumbing to fatigue and frustration, decided to enter the next door that would open, and turn her self over for the punishment that was sure to follow.

She stepped into the next entrance and the doors gave way to sounds of music, laughter, and quiet conversations. To her right was a long counter with stools, where people were sitting, drinking, and socializing. She'd walked into the ship's pub. It was quite a bit fancier than the one the men drank in at home, but a pub nonetheless.

Almost as quickly as Maggie had set foot inside the pub, a woman, the proprietor no doubt, came from behind the counter and headed straight for Maggie. Maggie, knowing that children weren't allowed in pubs back home, turned to leave, and thought perhaps to try the next door she came to; but a soft hand touched her shoulder, and Maggie turned to face the woman.

She was a dark skinned woman, probably not Starfleet personnel as she was dressed in a purple gown, and large hat to match. She greeted Maggie with a warm smile, and soft words, "Hello...Please come in." She directed Maggie to a booth near the window and, then sat down across from her.

Maggie hadn't spoke a word yet; and her kindly host continued to carry the conversation, "You must be one of the settlers, right? And this is your first deep space voyage, and you are here for your complimentary drink aren't you? But the question is, what kind of drink are you?"

Maggie wasn't sure if she was supposed to answer that question or not, thankfully, she didn't have to. Her charming host regarded her, and then the smile returned to her face and eyes. "Butterscotch milk shake!", she stated. "That's what you are. You're a butterscotch milk shake."

Her charming but curious host went to the bar and returned almost immediately with a tall glass filled with a white, thick, liquid and two narrow cylinders, standing in the middle of it. Maggie eyed the cylinders suspiciously. Her host, noticing her quandary, bent over and said, "They're straws. That's the way you drink a milk shake. Just suck it through the straw like this." The woman leaned over, placed her lips over the top of one straw and pulled the liquid toward her. She smiled at Maggie, and said, "That's the great thing about milk shakes, not only do they taste great; but, they're fun to drink, and wait to until you get to the bottom of the glass and you hear the sound the straws make"!

Maggie needed no further encouragement, and placing her own lips over the other straw, drew the liquid toward her lips. It was cold, creamy, and deliciously sweet. Maggie liked it, and her eyes and mouth smiled in approval.

Her host continued to chat to her while Maggie mostly smiled, nodded and drank. When Maggie got to the bottom of the glass her straw made the funniest "slurping" sounds, and she just knew, that was what her new friend had told her about.

One complimentary butterscotch milk shake led to another, and by the time Maggie had nearly completed the second, her host turned the conversation to the inevitable. "See, I knew you were a butterscotch milk shake, and I bet I know something else about you too. I bet your parents don't know you're out roaming around the ship in the middle of the night?"

Maggie swallowed her last sip of milk shake hard. "Well this is it", she thought, "She's taking me straight to the captain for sure."

Her friend, seeing the fear in her eyes, immediately reassured her, "Hey, it's okay. Look I used to be somewhat of an explorer myself, when I was about your age. Used to drive my father crazy, when I would take off.

Tell you what I do. How about you finish that milk shake while we talk some more, and I will lead you back to your quarters, and no one will ever have to know. It will be our secret."

Maggie was delighted, but the thought of the captain returned to her. "What if we run into the Captain?", asked Maggie. Her friend smiled, "The captain and I go way back. We are very special friends, and as long as you're with me, we won't have trouble with anyone."

Maggie felt relieved; but her feeling was short lived as her friend reached out to take her hand, and looked deep into her eyes. Maggie started to fidget beneath the woman's penetrating gaze; and she wondered why she was staring at her so intently. She didn't have to wait long to find out.

"Maggie", her friend spoke softly, "I know something else about you too. I know that in your heart you've been Maggie all your life, but you haven't always lived as Maggie, have you?"

When Maggie heard those words, her first thought, was to just get up and start running. Just bolt from the room and run, until she couldn't run anymore. She wouldn't even care if she made it back to her quarters or not.

However, before Maggie could flee, the woman, sensing her trepidation, pulled Maggie from her chair and into her lap. She hugged Maggie and spoke to her gently, "Hey, its all right. You don't have to be afraid. I think you are a very beautiful girl, and in fact...I might even be able to help you, but we're gonna have to talk for awhile, and talking makes me thirsty, so we're probably gonna need another butterscotch milk shake. What do you say?"

Maggie's fear disappeared; and her thirst, for information and butterscotch milkshakes, reappeared. Over the next hour Maggie and her friend exchanged more information.

Maggie found out that her host had been involved in a discussion with the ship's doctor and the counselor about Maggie that very same day. It seems that Maggie's mother had discussed her condition with the doctor and the counselor. Much to Maggie's delight they both thought she was very much a real girl, and they would both like to use their knowledge and technology to help Maggie realize her dream. They couldn't just magically turn her into a girl. However, there were medicines and surgeries that could help to alter her body to give it a female appearance.

Therein lay the heart of their discussion. Maggie's world divorced itself from modern technology long ago. The technology was there to help Maggie; but as much as Bridgette wanted to, she could not accept the kind offer of assistance the counselor and the doctor had made, because it would violate the customs her world was built on. The counselor and the doctor had even gone to the ship's captain in hope he could convince Maggie's parents to allow them to help her. "The captain", Maggie thought, "Oh no!, what would he think of her, and her parents, and her world. There's sure to be trouble now". As her host continued, she breathed a sigh of relief. The captain felt once the offer had been refused, his hands were tied, and he would not intervene.

Her friend then stopped to see how Maggie was taking it all in. Maggie was bombarded by many emotions: utter surprise that there was technology that could help her, anger and sadness that she could not use that technology, and compassion for her parents who had to say no to their child's one chance at realizing a dream.

Maggie tried unsuccessfully to hold back the tears but she was overwhelmed. Her compassionate friend wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled at her. "No tears, you'll water down your milk shake, and besides I said, I thought I could help you." She smiled and then spoke again, "Do you believe in magic? Do you believe in luck?" Maggie thought for a minute and shook her head yes. "Good! I do too!" It was luck, that I was in the conversation with the doctor and the counselor, and learned about your problem. It was luck, that of all the places you could've come tonight, you came here."

Maggie slowly smiled as she began to believe the tale this woman was spinning. "Now comes the magic!" and her friend smiled as she pulled a small box from a pocket in her dress. The box was white and had the words, "Hugglebugs Ltd." printed on the outside. She opened the box to show two small containers and a booklet.

Maggie started to fire several quick questions at her friend, but she was cut off before she could ever start. "Before we go any further, I want to be sure this is what you would really want. You've told me some things about your people, and your beliefs; but I want you to tell me about you. Tell me what you want for you, more than anything else." She paused a moment, "Just tell me the truth, there are no wrong answers, I just need you and me to be sure, before we go any further, okay?"

Maggie nodded, took a sip of milk shake; and told her about living as Matthew; and of her dreams of waking up and being a real girl; and how much she hated her body.

After about 30 minutes, she stopped, and the woman smiled again. "See, I already knew what you were going to say, kind of like I knew you were a butterscotch milk shake; and I was right about that wasn't I?" Maggie nodded. "Okay, then trust me with what I am about to show you and tell you." She sat the box down on the table in front of Maggie. "As I said, this is magic! It is very old magic to me. I have had this box for many, many years. I was visiting Earth on one of those visits my father didn't know about when I came across "Hugglebugs"." She paused for a moment as if to collect her thoughts. "It was in Australia I think, no, New Zealand, and about the turn of the 21st century. I met the most wonderful little girl there. I don't remember her name; but I do remember her telling me that she used to be a man, and that a magic spray had made him what he always wished to be, a little girl. The little girl told me where I could get that spray if I had a dream like hers. I didn't, but I wanted that spray just in case. So I got it; and here it is, and...I think you are, "JUST IN CASE!"

Maggie was speechless, there in a little white box sat every dream she ever had rolled into one. No surgeries, no medicines, just a little bottle of spray. She was so ecstatic; but, reality then dampened her enthusiasm. If her parents wouldn't let the doctor and the counselor help her, would they let her friend help her? She said it was magic; but what would her family, and the villagers call it? She couldn't do this without her parents permission; and they would probably require the councils permission.

She didn't know what to do; but her friend who seemed to have all the answers, and the magic, had one more answer. She had written a note explaining her gift to Maggie, and for her parents to at least read the instructions, and think about the magic, before making a decision. She handed the box to Maggie; and kissed her forehead.

Maggie hugged her tightly and then asked her a question, "Will you get in trouble with the captain and Starfleet for helping me?" Her co-conspirator flashed that big smile of hers and spoke, "See, I'm not exactly Starfleet; and sometimes I kinda work around the rules a little; and this is one of those times, okay?" Maggie shook her head in agreement and finished her drink.

Maggie's friend, realizing the lateness of the hour, told Maggie it was time for her to take her home. True to her word, she led her through the winding corridors of the ship. All the while, Maggie was gossiping like a magpie, telling her friend more about the world she had left, her near death illness, and the new world they were going to. In hardly any time at all, and without seeing nary a person, her partner-in-crime had her standing just outside the settlers quarters.

Maggie thanked the woman for her kindness, the milk shakes, and most of all for the little white box that held her dream. She hugged her once last time and before Maggie went in, she told her goodbye as her people would be transferring to the new ship tomorrow morning. Her friend was a strange and wonderful person; but it was the last thing she said, that seemed the oddest of all to Maggie. "This isn't goodbye. I'll be seeing you back here again. You can be sure of that."

Maggie could only smile, and wave back at her as she entered her quarters. No one knew she had been gone. She slipped quietly into her bed, wondering if she ever really would be back aboard a starship; and if she did, would she come back as the girl she dreamed of being? Those answers would come tomorrow, she hoped.

Maggie glanced down at her lukewarm mug of tea. It was no match for a good butterscotch milk shake, she thought. She had been tempted to order one; but decided to wait, to see if she could find her friend again. She had a feeling, that no one but her, could make one taste that good again.

She looked at the clock and saw it was 1500 hours. She still had an hour before she was due for report. All she could do was sit and wait. She had become an expert at waiting, but she had never learned to like it.

On One of the longest nights of her life, was the night she had received the box of Hugglebugs spray. By the time she had returned to her quarters, and slipped into bed, it was less than two hours before morning; but, those were two of the most agonizing hours she had ever spent.

How was she going to explain to her parents, everything that had happened. The least of her worries, was the fact she had slipped out, and explored the ship. It was the little white box and all that it represented, not only to her family, but to all her people, that had her up rocking in her bed.

Just before it was time to rise, Maggie reached her first decision. She would not tell her parents about the Hugglebugs spray, until they were well on their way aboard the transport ship. She knew that this might possibly get her into more trouble; but as deep in trouble as she thought she was in now, a little bit more wasn't going to make it worse. Besides, once they were underway, her parents couldn't go to her friend and get her into trouble, or demand that she take back the box.

Maggie waited until the starship was long gone; and her family had begun settling into their new quarters. She went up to her parents and her brother, and told them she had something very important to tell, and to show them. She pulled out the box from her leather bag and handed it to her father.

He stared at it curiously, but before he could ask the obvious questions, Maggie reached over and squeezed his hand, "Please father, before you say anything, let me say my piece, will you?". She looked from face to face, and all nodded in silent agreement.

"Okay, now you're probably going to get mad". She hesitated, nervously dropping her eyes and twisting her boot on the floor, "No, you are definitely going to be mad; but please, don't say anything until I finish.

Last night I went out exploring on the ship. I just had to take one last look at it before I left. I know I shouldn't have done it; but, I'm glad I did; and I hope after I tell you everything else, you will be too. Anyway, I started wandering about. There really wasn't that much to see that was interesting, so I decided to come back, only I couldn't find my way back, and I sort of got lost." Her pitch raised in excitement and her words came twice as fast. "I ended up in a place like a pub; but, it was much nicer than the ones we have at home, and I think even kids are allowed there; but I didn't ask.

Then, I met this lady who runs the pub; and you would really like her, she was so nice. She gave me free drinks. They were called butterscotch milk shakes; and we talked, and talked, and she knew about me even before we met; because she heard the doctor and the counselor talking about me. She said she wished she could help me; and, that's when she gave me this box; and walked me home."

Immediately Maggie let out a huge breath, part from unloading her tale, and part from talking so fast, and for so long. Her father looked at her mother, and then both looked back at Maggie.

Her father then took the lead. "That's quite a tale you have there Maggie; but you've not explained what you have in that box; and I've a feeling, there's more to this story than you be telling." He paused a minute to study Maggie's face, and then finished. "Well, out with the rest of it then, you've come this far. As long as you tell the truth, you've nothing to fear."

Maggie knew she had to tell the rest of the truth. She wanted to, but truth or not, she still felt she had something to fear. Her mother came to her, gave her a hug, and spoke softly, "It's all right Maggie, just relax and tell us now."

Maggie took another deep breath, and began again. "This box is a gift from my friend. When I said she knew about me, I meant she knew about me being a girl, with a boy's body. She also knew that the doctor offered to help me; but you wouldn't let them; because we don't believe in modern technology." Tears welled in Bridgette's eyes, and she spoke out, "Oh darling, you don't know how much your father and I wanted to accept their offer, but we just couldn't. God as my witness, I wanted to; but we just couldn't." Her voice trailed off as she buried her head in her husbands chest. "Oh damn this life."

Maggie cut in, "Please Mother, don't cry, just let me finish. My friend told me what technology could do for me, but even technology couldn't make me a real girl. Only magic could do that, and that's what she gave me." Maggie took the lid of the box to reveal the spray bottles, the booklet, and a small, hand written note. She smiled as she presented it to her father.

"Please father, this isn't really technology. It's 21st century Earth magic. It can make me a real girl. Please, just read the note my friend wrote; and then read the instructions. Don't say anything else, until you do that, please!"

Both her father and her mother sat down, so they could concentrate on the articles Maggie had just given them. Slowly they examined the contents of the box, gently placing the bottles back in the box, before reading the enclosed notes.

The first note was from Maggie's friend. It read: To Maggie's family: Enclosed are two bottles of magic that I would like to share with your child. It is old magic; but, I assure you, it is safe, and will work, as long as you follow the enclosed directions.

I understand and respect your peoples rights and beliefs; but, I think that Maggie has rights too, one of them being the right to be the woman she was intended to be. Maggie needs this magic to live; or I fear, she will truly die. What I do and say here stands only for me. It does not represent Starfleet or their policies. It is a gift of life, from me, to Maggie and all of you, if you will accept it.

I hope you will search your hearts and find the right answer. Maggie's life depends on it.

Good Luck, a friend."

The note touched all their hearts, but answered few questions as to what magic they actually held in their hands. They put the note aside and examined the instruction booklet. Each member of the family took a turn at examining the booklet; and all shook their heads in disbelief, as they read what this magic proclaimed it could do.

Whether Maggie's kind friend referred to Hugglebugs as magic or not, it was clear it was a form of technology. Nanites are not magic.

Michael knew enough about modern technology to know a little about nanite technology, even if, he had never heard of Hugglebugs. What truly amazed him, was that although this "magic" came from a time over 300 years ago, he had never heard of anything today, that could transform a body like this magic claimed. Not even the wise doctor aboard the starship could have given Maggie a new body. Was it technology, because it used terms like nanites, or was it magic, because what it claimed to do, was far beyond any technology the 24th century had to offer?

The rest of the day was spent discussing Hugglebugs. In the end, they felt the issue did impact more than just Maggie or their own family. It might be magic, it might be technology, but either way, it could violate laws of the people, and therefore a meeting of the council was in order.

Michael would stand before the other members and explain Hugglebugs as best he could. It was his hope, and his families hope, that the council would not consider Hugglebugs a violation of their beliefs; and at least let Maggie and her family make the decision.

The next afternoon, an emergency session was called; and Michael made his emotion-filled plea. The council was visibly touched, by the emotions of a concerned parent; but his proposal would take serious consideration. The council adjourned; and did not reconvene for three days. They called Michael to their chambers; and he returned home an hour later with the decision.

Their decision, was almost no decision at all, thought Maggie. The council felt something of such consequence could not be decided in a few days or a few months. It was their decision, to place the box and its Hugglebug magic in the possession of the council, until Maggie neared her 17th birthday, and adulthood. During that time, all parties could would consider the ramifications of Hugglebugs.

If Maggie still felt she wanted to use this "magic", she could address the council as an adult then. A final decision would be made at that time.

Maggie didn't know how to feel. They hadn't said yes. They hadn't said no. They said, "Wait!". Maggie didn't want to violate her beliefs; but, she didn't want to wait one more day, and know she would have to wait nearly three years.

At least she had her families blessing. They had all agreed to allow, and support her decision to use Hugglebugs, if the council would allow it. Until that time, she had to once again wait. Wait until they landed on their new home, and wait until she reached age 17. Tomorrow seemed like an eternity to Maggie.

Maggie's thoughts of Hugglebugs magic stayed strong in her mind, but as the ship approached their destination and made orbit, she was as excited and as curious as every other villager. Starfleet Relocation had said the landing would be in area that was geographically, and climate wise, very much like Ireland; and when the settlers landed and saw it for the first time, it was obvious Starfleet had been true to their word. It was lush and green with rolling hills and tall grasses. Maggie felt a faint mist in the air, and knew that a warm rain had just fallen.

The settlers spilled out into the meadow and rejoiced at finally coming home. Michael grabbed Bridgette up straight away and proceded to carry her about the meadow. Laughing and protesting she succeeded in doing nothing more than causing them both to spill into the wet grass. They lay there holding each other and gazing into the blue sky.

Maggie climbed the first tall tree she could find, and looked out over the landscape. Save for the different animals and plants they would encounter, and the twin moons that shown every night. Maggie would never have known she'd ever left Earth.

During the next three and a half years, the settlers built, planted, and made a good life for themselves in New Dublin. Maggie spent most of her time learning as a healer's apprentice. Both she and her mother planted seeds to grow the herbs that she'd brought with her from Earth; but they also experimented with the new ones they'd found upon arrival. If she wasn't training as an apprentice, she was often daydreaming on the bank of the nearby lake.

Starships still were on her mind. She kept thinking about the wonders she had encountered: replicator machines that could instantly make anything you asked for; holodecks, magical places, where the computer could create people and worlds that seemed so real and endless, and yet were just fairy tales, all contained in a single room; weapons she'd heard tell of that could destroy a man, or a whole planet, in little more than instant.

That last thought made her shudder. Maggie began to understand why her people did not think modern technology was always such a good thing. If computers did everything for you, what would you do? What could you do? Weapons that could kill so many, so easily, were just too dangerous.

At home, when two men took to fighting, there was usually nothing more than a goodly amount of swearing, a bloody nose or two; and then, they both ended up at the pub, buying each other an ale, before going home.

The loser of a fight with a Starship weapon didn't get to go home. It was a wondrous and dangerous place, and Maggie still thought about her friend's last words; and, wondered if she ever would see her again. Most of all, Maggie thought about her little white box of Hugglebugs, sitting in the council chambers.

If Maggie wanted that magic when she was 13, she wanted it even more as she neared 17. Her body that had seemed to pay little attention to her sex for the first 13 years, finally rebelled against her. She had grown nearly as tall as her father now; and while still thin, her shoulders had broadened, and hair had began to sprout on her face and chest, faster than she could pull them out. Her hair was still long, but had lost some of its softness; and despite all her best efforts she cut quite a peculiar figure walking about in a young woman's attire and a young man's body.

Yet, as bad as the body had betrayed her, her voice conspired along with it. Her soft voice, which had been very much like her own mothers had deepened now; and no matter how softly she tried to speak, a young man's voice filled the air.

Her family, friends, and other villagers, tried to treat Maggie as they had for the last 7 years, but it was obvious to all that Maggie was fighting a losing battle. Her only hope lay in a sympathetic council and a little white box.

Maggie drifted back into the real world; and checked to see, that only 10 more minutes had gone by. She tried to focus on her meeting with the commodore.

How she presented herself might be the difference between a career in Starfleet, and being sent home packing. She gathered herself up and shook her head to clear her mind. This reminded her that her hair was still down, and she bit her lip trying to decide if she should wear it up or down. Up meant working, and that's what she came here to do.

So, she reached into her brown leather bag, the same bag her mother had always carried and surveyed its contents. She found the brown leather book of herbs and potions, several changes of clothes, although she was sure Starfleet would provide her with proper uniforms, should she be accepted, her mothers necklace, the flute her father made for her, Meaghan's well-worn doll. Meaghan, was her brother Ian's four-year-old daughter, and the apple of Aunt Maggie's eye. She had frustratingly searched for a four-leaf clover to give Maggie for luck, but upon finding none, gave her a favorite doll instead. She was going to miss that little elf, she thought.

Maggie dug deeper into the contents, and found the hair tie she'd been searching for. She grabbed it and put her hair up in a ponytail.

With her hair properly fixed, she looked down at her attire. Not really much she could do about it. It was her mother's dress. She wore it now, as much to honor her mother, as she did the principles her world had been built on. Her mother had worn that dress 8 years ago when she first "tried" to set foot on their new home planet. The dress was a mixture of soft blues and teal and highlighted the blue in Maggie's eyes. It had been nearly full length on her mother, but barely mid calf on Maggie. It was made of a soft cotton like material, drawn tight at the waist, loosely laced above the breast, and easy about the neck. The sleeves, short of mid-length, were flared a bit at the ends. Maggie's dusty brown leather boots and cape were well-worn, but warm and comfortable.

That dress held more personal significance to her than any piece of clothing she had ever, or would ever own. It was not only her mother's dress, but also a dress she had hoped to wear when she reached adulthood and her 17th birthday.

Three days before her 17th birthday, the council had agreed to listen to Maggie's petition. They promised they would have her answer within two days, and in time for her 17th birthday. Maggie came to the council with her family, and hugged each one of them, before turning to address the 8 council members. Her father, obviously was not allowed to vote, and could only watch helplessly along with the other family members.

She would have to convince them all. There was no majority vote needed. One negative vote would be her undoing. She stood before them, dressed, as she dressed everyday. She had written a speech, and then threw it away. The words would come from the heart, her father had told her. "Just open up, and you will find them." She glanced into their eyes. Most were as anxious and uneasy as she felt. She took a breath, and began, "Council members I stand before you today as you have seen me among you for several years. You know me, my family, and what brings me here. I know, you want to make the right decision, and you are trying hard to understand, what I am, what the Hugglebugs spray will mean, and what you should do.

I've been thinking about Hugglebugs, and that little white box, every moment, of every day, for over three years. I have been thinking about, why I am, the way I am, for all my life; and I still don't have the answers. And, maybe I never will.

Maybe it's not important why I was born this way, only that you and I can accept it as truth. I am asking you to accept me, without understanding me. No man could understand how much I could hate this body; and no woman could understand, how I envy the body she possesses. Nor, could she truly appreciate, how fortunate she is to have a body, that matches her soul. How can anyone with eyes that see, know the pain of being blind?

All of us here, have a form of blindness you see." Maggie was shaking and she searched her heart for the words. "You are all my friends, and some seven years ago, you turned your eyes blind to what you saw when you looked at me. You opened your hearts and tried to see what I so desperately wanted to be. You treated my family and me with kindness, tolerance and respect. My family closed their eyes to a sad, tortured little boy, and tried to see the little girl that was within him. And I closed my eyes to the truth every time I stood before a mirror, or saw my reflection in the lake, or heard the sound of my voice. We all went blind.

Well now, I'm asking you to open your eyes and look at me. See this creature that stands before you." Maggie stepped back, spread her legs, and opened her arms up to the heavens. "For God's sakes, look at me! I'm a queer, twisted creature, a cruel joke by Mother Nature, a laughable, pitiable sight!"

Tears streamed down Maggie's face and she braced herself at the table where she stood. "I can't change the past, nor forget the pain. I don't think I would want to. It is a part of who I am. But, you have the power to change my future, not to just change my life, but to give me life." Maggie paused a moment to regain her composure. "I'll not ask you to sacrifice the principles that our world was founded on. I'm not a asking you to change the world. Just let me, change me.

You ask is it technology? I don't know. Maybe it is.

You ask is it magic? Absolutely!

Anything, be it potion, herb, or nanite spray that can give one the power to have a body to match their soul has to be magic. My friend explained Hugglebugs to me in a way I think you should hear. Hugglebugs is a key, a magic key that releases the chains that hold the soul. Once free, the heart and soul can take the dream that's been in your mind and make it a reality.

Now, if that magic key is made from nanites, or such, I really don't think it matters, cause its the heart that performs the true magic."

Emotionally spent, she tried to gather her thoughts one last time. "Whatever be the decision of this court, I will accept it, and do my best to contribute as I can to our world. I only add this one last plea. Our founders rejected modern technology as they felt it took us away from nature and God, yet without modern technology we wouldn't be on the world we are today. I ask you all to think of this. Think beyond replicators, transporters, and even little white boxes of magic.

Think about your lives, your children's lives, and the sick and the dying. I tell you now, when I was aboard that starship I seen wonders that could save life and prevent suffering. My mother is a fine healer, and she's helped many, but many have died and suffered, who could have been assisted by modern medicine. Not all technology is against God and nature. My God would not want his people to suffer needlessly.

I say to all of you now, if you cannot find it in your hearts, to grant me my life, then at least consider making the changes that just might save your life and your children's."

Maggie dropped her head and leaned again on the table. The council chambers were silent, and Maggie's family came to her. One member spoke out, "Maggie, you have stated your case well, and touched every member of this council. I have but one question for you. What if this magic kills you? Have you thought of that?". Maggie raised her face to meet the lone voice. "Ayah, I've thought of that, but death and I are not strangers. I have thought of it often, prayed for it at times. I don't fear it now. I would rather risk the magic and a chance for life, than too to keep dying day by day."

Maggie searched the members for another question, but few would even meet her eyes. With the help of her family, she walked from the chambers and to her home, to do what she hated most, wait.

Shortly after supper, on the eve of her 17th birthday, a messenger brought a letter to Maggie's house. Her father took the letter and put it in Maggie's trembling hands. She broke the seal and removed the parchment, but she couldn't bear to read the letter so she gave it to her father to read.

Maggie sat on the edge of her bed, as her mother held one hand and her brother the other. Michael cleared his throat and read the words: "To Maggie O'Malley and family, regarding her petition to this council.

Your words and wisdom's from one still so young touched this council. Your pain is felt in every heart here. Yet, we must make a decision, for not only your welfare, but for the future of our village. You have brought forth much to be considered. Is Hugglebugs modern technology? It is this councils belief that it is.

Could it be magic? Perhaps it is. If we are to believe it is your soul, and your will that brings on this change, just as much as the Hugglebugs, then indeed it must be a magic. A beautiful, and a powerful magic. You ask us to open our eyes and see. We see a tortured soul before us. We have seen the young woman within. We have seen someone so concerned for her people, that she would sacrifice her own dream, if need be, just to ask us to consider the future of our own lives. Most of all, we see a way to help this soul.

It is the decision of this council that whatever Hugglebugs truly be, technology or magic, it is irrelevant. Compassion, love, and life must be taken into account in any interpretation of law or tradition. Maggie O'Malley you have our permission and blessing to use the Hugglebugs, and may it bring you all the peace and happiness you deserve. One final note: Your words and plea about modern medical technology will be taken under consideration, but please, one miracle at a time if you will."

As her father finished the words, Maggie jumped up to hug him; and they both went tumbling to the ground, with Maggie's mother and brother joining them. They hugged, and cried, and shouted, such that their neighbors must have thought they were having a terrible row; but Maggie didn't care. She had waited so long for this dream, and now it was only minutes away from reality. Her father wasted no time in going to the council chambers and retrieving the white box.

Maggie looked at each of her family. One by one she went to them, hugged them and told them she loved them. Just in case this magic did put her to sleep forever, she wanted her last words to be those of love. It was agreed that Bridgette and Maggie would go to Maggie's room alone and they would administer the spray while Michael and Maggie's brother Ian would wait outside.

Maggie paced about her room, nervous and impatient. Bridgette, just as nervous, tried to calm her excited daughter. "Alright now Maggie, settle down. We've got to do just what the instructions say to do, so be patient."

Bridgette carefully read the instructions and then had Maggie to strip down to her panties. "As best as I understand this dear, you should be wearing clothes of the sex you want to be, so your panties will do just fine." Maggie sat off the edge of her bed, wringing her hands and looking up anxiously at her mother. "I'm ready for the spray. I'm ready for the spray!", Maggie shouted impatiently.

Bridgette took a long look at the child that sat before her, a child that at first had been her son, and then her daughter, but no matter the sex, this was her baby. Bridgette took Maggie's hand and spoke, "Oh my baby, no matter what happens, whether this works or not, I love you with all my heart."

Maggie leaned up and kissed her mother, and returned, "I love you too, mother."

Bridgette then continued to read the instructions, and then stopped abruptly, her eyes opened wide and she shook her head.

Maggie jumped up from the bed and shouted, "Mother, what is it? What's wrong?"

Bridgette put her hand on Maggie and spoke, "It's alright dear, but the wonders of this spray truly amaze me. Why, not only can you change your sex, you can change your age! Oh Maggie this truly is magic indeed. Why you could even be a little girl, the little girl you never got to be. Oh that would be grand, why I could dress you in the cutest outfits. You'd be the darlin of the village, I tell you." Bridgette looked at Maggie, her eyes smiling as if she was seeing a little girl standing before her.

Maggie sat back down on the bed, and thought about all the joys of being a little girl, joys that she never knew, and spent many a night wishing for. She smiled to herself for a moment, and then stood to face her mother again. "Oh mother, I wish I could be a little girl, but part of being a child is what you don't know, innocence. Even if I had the body of a little girl, I would still have my memories, and my maturity.

I can't go back. It would be a cheat I think. Mother Nature cheated me, that's true, but I've no desire to ask for more years than I'm due. I'm a soon to be 17 year old girl, and that's all I want to be."

Bridgette looked at her daughter proudly, and nodded her head in agreement. "Alright Maggie then, stand up and I'll begin the spraying. Now according to this book, I've got to get it all over you, even inside your mouth, so open up." Bridgette sprayed a healthy dose down Maggie's mouth, and proceeded to cover her whole body in spray, until the bottle was empty.

Maggie stood still, her body covered in spray, shivering a bit, but trying not to move. Bridgette finished the instructions and told Maggie to think young woman thoughts and very soon something should began to happen.

It didn't take long before Maggie noticed a change. The chill quickly passed, and was replaced by a feeling of warmth and light headedness. She started to get dizzy, and Bridgette led her to her bed. As Maggie's head felt the pillow, her eyes got heavy and she felt like her body was floating in a warm water lake. She was either slipping under the influence of the Hugglebugs or she was dying, but she felt such at peace, she wasn't about to fight either.

Bridgette felt Maggie's forehead and realized she was fevered and starting to perspire. She went to the basin, and poured cool water on a cloth to place on Maggie's head. When she turned back to Maggie, she saw the first signs of change. The small tufts of hair that had grown on Maggie's chest were gone, and so was the facial hair she had battled. She couldn't be sure at first, but Maggie looked smaller. She had been a solid 6'2 only moments ago, but now she seemed smaller in her bed.

Bridgette put the cold compress on Maggie's forehead, and listened to her soft, deep breathing. It was like she was sleeping, a very deep sleep. Bridgette took Maggie's hand in hers, and found it had grown smaller and softer. The changes began to come faster, and more pronounced. Bridgette watched in amazement, as Maggie's shoulders and waist began to narrow, and her hips began to widen. Her chest, which at first had become as flat and hairless as a child's, began to grow breasts and spreading nipples. Maggie's dark hair grew down over her shoulders to a length near her waist, and got lighter in color, nearly matching Bridgette's own auburn hue.

Even Maggie's face had changed. Her eyes were larger and more oval, her lips fuller, her cheeks higher and more prominent, and even her Adams apple disappeared into her neck. Bridgette looked down at the panties Maggie wore, and recognized the shape they now outlined as the flesh therein of a woman. The face and body that lay there before Bridgette was indistinguishable from that of any other young woman.

Maggie groaned and tried to raise her head from the pillow; but she was too weak to move. Bridgette searched the instructions, but found no mention of sleep being part of the process. Yet, Maggie didn't seem in pain, and perhaps she just needed the rest.

Bridgette laid a gentle hand on her chest, and spoke softly, "Here now little one, will have none of that now. You just lay here and rest a bit, you need to sleep now."

Maggie whispered in her mothers ear, "Mother did it work, am I a beautiful girl?"

Bridgette was startled by the sound of Maggie's soft voice, but answered, "Yes my love, you are the most beautiful girl in the world." Maggie smiled and drifted off to sleep. Bridgette laid a quilt over her, kissed her forehead, and went downstairs to tell her husband and son, what she herself scarcely believed, had happened.

Ian and Michael went up to Maggie's room as she slept, but could see little more than a bundle beneath a quilt and long auburn hair. They would have to wait until the morning, Maggie's birthday, to see what the magic had given them.

Maggie awoke in the early hours of the morning, raising her arms above her head, stretching and letting out a high pitched yawn. The sound of such a soft, feminine voice caused her to open her eyes wide in surprise. She froze, her arms in mid air, and surveyed the room around her. It was her room, her mother was asleep in the chair by her bed, and everything looked the same around her.

Maggie started breathing heavy, afraid to look down at herself for fear she had not really changed at all, but the heavy breathing in her chest made her aware of a heaviness upon it, and her eyes and face lowered to view her chest. Much to her delight and disbelief, there were two well-formed breasts. Slowly she lowered her hands, and cupped each breast. They were firm, and the skin was soft to touch.

The next thing Maggie noticed was her long hair. She could feel it falling over her shoulders and down to her waist as she sat up in bed. It was soft and a beautiful auburn like her mothers.

She took her hands and began to explore all over her body. Every where she touched was smooth and soft, and supple. Her hands and feet seemed tiny in comparison to the day before, and although it was difficult to tell while sitting in bed, she knew she had to be shorter. She saved the most important for last. She ran her left hand down to her waist, and then to the edge of her panties. She closed her eyes, swallowed and edged her fingers beneath the material. Her fingers found the soft down, and the feminine folds of skin that lay within. She pulled out her hand and shrieked in joy.

Bridgette awoke immediately, and Maggie reached out to hug her mother. Bridgette hugged her daughter, a daughter in both body and soul for the first time. Tears rolled down both women's faces, before Maggie spoke. "Oh mother, look at me. It really worked. I'm a woman!" Maggie put her hand to her mouth as if she could hardly believe the sound of the words that were coming from it. "I've a body and a voice, but what about my face? I have to know what I look like!"

Maggie tossed off the quilt and bounded out of her bed to stand in front of her dresser mirror. She raised a hand to her cheek, and like all the rest of her body it was soft and smooth. She traced the line of her jaw, and noticed her high cheekbones. She ran her finger over her soft, full lips. Her eyes seemed twice as big, and twice as beautiful. They were her mothers eyes, and the blue sparkled in her reflection. So much of her was just like her mother now. There would be no doubt in anyone's mind she was the daughter of Bridgette O'Malley. She turned and faced her mother, Maggie's eyes beaming and showing a peace and contentment that Bridgette had never seen.

Bridgette hugged and held her daughter again. Maggie released the embrace and stood staring at herself in the mirror. She would turn and move and watch herself from every angle. Bridgette could barely suppress a laugh.

Finally she had to speak, "All right Cinderella, your father and Ian are waiting, and as we both know, no one in this family likes to wait. So, before they come up here and fetch you down, we best get you dressed, unless you plan to greet them in nothing but panties, and I don't think that'll do at all anymore." Maggie smiled at her mother and then went to her wardrobe to get a dress, but when she pulled one out, it was obvious it would no longer fit.

Just as she had suspected, she was smaller, barely 5'8, considerably lighter, and with a shape suited for women's clothes. Bridgette, being the wise mother, had foreseen this dilemma, and presented Maggie with a beautiful dress. It was the dress Bridgette had wore the day they landed. Bridgette held up the dress to Maggie and looked her up and down.

"That's gonna fit you just fine. It will be shorter on you, and I may have to let out the bust line a bit," Maggie's face turned red as she blushed, and Bridgette laughed. "You best get used to this girl, you've a whole world ahead of you, and a lot to learn.

Now, here's a proper bra, and we'll have to get more clothes for you later." She set a pair of leather boots by Maggie's dresser, and walked to the door. "See if you can squeeze into these boots until we can see the cobbler. When you are dressed and ready, come down, we'll all be waiting to help you celebrate your 17th birthday. You know when a girl turns 17, it's a special day." Bridgette closed the door behind her, and Maggie took one last look at her new body, and then said a prayer of thanks to Hugglebugs spray and her friend aboard the starship.

Michael, Ian, and Bridgette stood in the living room as Maggie came to the head of the stairs and descended them. Ian and Michael's eye grew wide as Maggie came into view. She looked at each of them and when neither of them spoke, she ran to her father and cried, "Father, it's really me, Maggie!"

Michael hugged his daughter tightly, as tears streamed down his own cheeks. Maggie felt small, but safe and loved, in her fathers arms. When her father released her, Ian grabbed her from behind, and picked her up in the air, before bringing her down to hug her.

He smiled at her with that infectious grin of his, and spoke, "You know, having a little sister like this is gonna be awful hard on me, having to keep all the rogues at bay and such. Why I've your honor to defend don't you know?" Maggie shook her head and smiled at her loving brother. It was funny to hear him talk that way; but it was true. Maggie was a woman now, all woman; and neither he, nor the rest of the world would treat her quite the same.

Bridgette walked up to Michael, and said, "Michael O'Malley, today is your daughters 17th birthday; and, unless you want her to be an old maid, it's time for the ceremony. Time to give your daughter her bridal braids."

Maggie looked first at her mother and then at her father. She hadn't been a woman for a day yet; and already, she was about to experience one of the biggest days in a young woman's life. She took a deep breath, and began to walk over to her father. She stopped just before him, and held out a lock of her hair.

The sounds of the intercom announcing the arrival of a cargo ship awoke Maggie from her dream state. Instinctively, she raised her hand to the left side of her face; and worked up and down the tightly woven braid. She breathed a heavy sigh. Her hand trembled just as her father's had nearly five years ago. The very first day she lived as a woman was also important, because a girls 17th birthday, is the day she receives her bridal braids. The braids signify that she is now a young woman, and is of marrying age. The two braids, one on each side of the face, are placed there the first time by the girls father, and are not to be removed, save for when the young woman washes her hair, until her husband takes them out on their wedding night. It was the biggest day in a father and daughters life. The very first day that Maggie could truly live as a woman, she could also be proposed to.

Maggie was looking forward to life as a woman, but marriage would definitely have to wait. Michael looked down at his lovely daughter. He turned to his wife, "She's you 20 years ago Bridgette, will you look at my daughter now," her father proudly spoke. Michael reached toward Maggie and took the lock of hair from her hand, and began braiding it. Maggie watched as her father twice lost the lock as his hand gently trembled. A man known for his finely detailed silver work, yet now couldn't even make a simple braid. Frustrated and wrought with emotion, he misdirected it at Maggie, "Girl you're gonna have to sit still if I'm to make you a proper braid. You were always the one to squirm about."

The words escaped him before he could call them back. Maggie dropped her head and uttered, "Sorry Father." Michael took his daughters hand and held it lovingly in his. "I don't suppose it would be against tradition if a daughter helped her foolish father make a braid now would it." Maggie raised her head, and they both looked at Maggie's mother. She smiled and nodded her acceptance, and together they wove the two braids in Maggie's hair.

After that, the proud parents took their daughter all over the village. The villagers were shocked and amazed, but genuinely happy for Maggie. For years they had treated her like a girl, out of compassion and pity. From now on, they would look at her as the young woman she had always been inside.

The young men in the village spent quite a bit of time looking at Maggie that day. There was no doubt that she'd be turning quite a few heads whenever she walked through the village. It was the most cherished memory in Maggie's life; but unfortunately, also one of the last she would ever have of her parents, and such a happy time.

Two days after her 17th birthday, strangers came to the village. Four travelers, aliens, but very much humanoid came to the village. They spoke English, and wore uniforms, but not of Starfleet. They was were a small landing party from a ship orbiting the planet. Their engine had failed, and they were in desperate need of a rare ore to complete repairs. It so happened that New Dublin had an ample supply of the precious ore. They informed the villagers they could mine the ore without any danger or destruction of the land and complete the process within a day. If the villagers would agree to this, they would be more than willing to buy or trade for the privilege. Michael and the other council members deliberated very shortly on the proposal. The men seemed honest, peaceful, and obviously in trouble. The council agreed to let them have what they needed and the men left to begin mining operations at their camp, a short distance from the village.

If Maggie had any ideas of sneaking over to their camp to get a look at what they were doing, her mother foiled those plans straight away. Shortly after the strangers left, Bridgette sent both Maggie and Ian into the woods with a long list of plants, and minerals she needed. The journey itself would take all the rest of the day. Maggie knew full-well that by the time she and Ian had returned, the strangers would probably be long gone.

Maggie and Ian set out on the journey, gathering the list as they went along and by sundown they had gotten most of it. They made camp, had supper, and lay beneath the stars and moons. That night they both talked, Maggie, as always, about starships, and the places they go, and the things they must see; and Ian, as always, about Sarah. Sarah was Ian's betrothed and they were going to be married in just a few months. Ian could barely think or talk of anything else these days.

Maggie drifted off to sleep, but it was a fitful sleep and when she awoke in the wee hours of the morning, she had an overwhelming feeling she needed to get home. She woke Ian, and they set off immediately for the village.

Within a half mile of the village, they saw smoke; and upon entering it, they found the village burning, the streets lined with dead and dying bodies. The sounds of people crying and screaming in pain filled the air. It was as if a giant lightning bolt had come down from the heavens and struck the tiny village.

Maggie and Ian frantically searched for their parents. Maggie's heart and head pounded with her own fear and pain, and the pain of those around her. Ian and Maggie spotted their mother amid a host of fallen villagers. She was hovering over several of her fallen friends, desperately trying to save lives and ease pain. Parts of her skin were badly burned, and she choked from the stench of charred flesh. Her dress torn and burned, adhered to her body by the blood of her own wounds.

Before Maggie and Ian could reach her, she looked up at them both. She shouted, "Ian go find your father. Maggie, find a horse and get to the Starfleet station as fast as you can and send the distress signal!" Maggie stopped in her tracks. She wanted to stay and help her mother, but she knew she could help most by summoning a ship for help. She turned, ran a few steps, and stopped to look back at her mother. She could see and feel the pain and frustration her mother felt, as she was unable to help so many of her friends who desperately needed help.

The station was a good hour away on a hard ride. Maggie quickly found a horse quickly and made the trip in less than an hour. The station, which had been built by the survey teams who originally mapped this planet for the federation, housed a small computer database, and an automatic distress signal. Maggie's father had shown her how to activate the signal on an earlier trip up they had taken. Maggie activated the signal, in hopes hope that a nearby ship would respond immediately.

She then mounted and then began her ride back to the village. Not far into her journey, she felt sharp pains within her stomach, and a strange wetness between her legs. She slowed the horse to a stop, and ran her fingers between her legs. When she raised her hand she saw drops of blood clinging to her fingertips. "Oh me God, I can't believe it, tis the curse come to call!" She wiped the blood from her fingertips and stared into the sky. "I'm sorry Mother Nature, but I've no time to deal with you now. I've gotta get home!" She then nudged the horse with her boot and continued to run her until she entered the village.

She went to the spot where she had seen her mother, but she was no longer there. Frantic, and unable to think where she might be, she headed for home, hoping to find her family there. Ten minutes and she was just outside the house. No sooner than she had dismounted and headed toward the door, Ian was there to meet her. She could see the pain in his eyes, and she knew. In her heart she knew what she would find, even before she pushed by Ian and went through the door. Her father, one of the first men killed, lay on the bed, where Ian had carried him in.

Her mother lay next to him, her hand in his and her head on his shoulder. She was still alive, but barely conscious. She was burned and bleeding badly. Maggie hugged her father and kissed his head, with a tear-choked voice, she spoke to her mother, "Mother, you've lost so much blood, and you're burned so bad. I...I...don't know what to do, please mother I don't know what to do. I can't let you die."

Maggie sobbing and hysterical, ran to her mothers bag and brought out the healers book. Maggie tore through the pages, staining them with the blood from her parents wounds, as she hopelessly searched for a magic potion that would somehow save her mother's life. Discouraged, she threw the book down, and Ian tried to hold her,; but she pushed him away, and then a thought came to her. She ran up the stairs and into her room. She opened the little white box that had given her life just a short while ago, and removed the second bottle in hope it would do the same for her mother. She was down the stairs, and by her mothers side again. "Mother, you're not going to die now. I can't save Father, but I can save you. I've got the other bottle of Hugglebugs spray, and I can spray you and you will be alive and as beautiful as always. Bridgette raised up her head and looked into the eyes of her frightened young daughter. She summoned all her strength to speak, and her voice was weak and raspy. "Oh little one, I can't take your magic. I've not been cheated. I've had the love of a good man, and two beautiful children. Like you said, I only want what I am entitled to, and not one minute more." Bridgette coughed and her eyes began to close. Maggie held her tight and sobbed, "Mother, please don't leave me!" Bridgette whispered, "Little one I'll always be there when you need me. I will always be in your heart."

Bridgette lapsed into unconsciousness as she laid her head on Michael's chest. Maggie and Ian both in tears went to their parents and hugged them. Maggie and Ian lay by their sides; and sometime in the night, Michael took the hand of his wife, and together, they went on to another world. By morning, Maggie and Ian had lost their parents, and most of the world they knew.

A Starfleet vessel arrived 2 days after Maggie had sent the signal. They offered medical assistance, and supplies to the villagers. Those who had witnessed the attack gave a full report to the rescue teams. There was really so little to tell them, and even less to understand. Shortly before day break, these same travelers, along with maybe another 20 or 30 more, returned and killed nearly 700 innocent men, women and children. They demanded nothing, nor took anything, yet destroyed almost everything. Of the 300+ settlers remaining, nearly 100 returned to Earth when the starship left. Maggie, Ian, and 200 villagers were left to rebuild the dream started by 800 just four years earlier.

The first night after the last of Starfleet left, Maggie wandered down to the lake alone. She carried with her the flute her father had made her when she was still Matthew, although, she doubted she would even play it tonight. The lake was a "Maggie" place, a place to go when she was sad, or troubled, or just wanted to feel close to God. Tonight, she felt all of that, and more. As Maggie neared the waters edge, the cool breeze off the lake caressed her face, and lightly rustled her hair and dress. The air was heavy with a night musk, and Maggie drank it in, as she sat down upon the lake bank. The twin moons were full, and their reflection shown on the water. Maggie glanced down into the dark blue waters and her own reflection greeted her. Just a few short weeks ago she might have sold her soul to see such a reflection, but tonight she would gladly trade it all, just to hear her parent's voices.

Yes, she was happy to be a "complete woman", able to share all of herself with the world; but the two people she wanted to share herself with most, were no longer here. All the mother and daughter activities she had dreamed of sharing with her mother would never happen. No proud father would walk her down the aisle at her wedding. No grandparents would ever hold her first child. No parent would ever hold Maggie in their arms again. Tears trickled down Maggie's face, jumping from her cheeks to the water below, dispelling her reflection and making Maggie wish she could disappear so easily.

Maggie wiped the tears from her eyes and took in a deep breath. Hoping the coolness of the lake might clear her head, she slipped off her boots and slid her feet into the water. The cool wetness enveloped her, and sent tiny shivers up her body. Maggie reached into her pocket and pulled out the flute. Moistening her lips, she took the flute to her mouth and began to play. The melody was old, and familiar. It was a children's song, the first song her father had taught her to play.

As the song filled the night, warm memories came flooding back to Maggie. She remembered her 8th birthday and how special she felt when her father presented her with that flute. She thought of the countless hours her father practiced with her, his strong but gentle fingers placed over hers as he patiently taught her the notes. She could still hear the music from when they had played together and still see her mother's eyes, filled with love and pride, as she shared the music with them. Now Maggie would never again feel her fathers gentle touch, or gaze into her mother's loving eyes. The music from the flute trailed off as the tears returned. Only this time they came in a torrent, and Maggie pulled her knees to her chest, sobbing, and rocking, until exhaustion claimed her, and left her sleeping on the bank. It was the early hours of the morning when Ian found her there. He gathered her up into his arms, kissed her forehead, and took her home to bed. This long night of mourning had to pass, as tomorrow held the future of their world, and those who remained had the responsibility of building it.

Over the next four years, the remaining villagers worked long, hard days, suffered through the nights, and tried to rebuild and heal. Both Ian and Maggie tried to take their parent's places in the community.

Ian, like his father, became a strong voice on the council; and Maggie, like her mother, became quite skilled at the making of potions, and treatments. Her knowledge of plants, both those indigenous to this planet, and the ones they had transplanted, was the best in the village. Yet as a healer of the mind, and spirit, she suffered terribly. The gift that had begun to develop within her, before the massacre, seemed to have left with her parents the night they died. Being unable to feel her own emotions at times, let alone those of others around her, and being only 20 years old, meant she lacked the life experience to draw on as well. She felt totally inadequate to do little more than heal the body.

Over four years had passed since Maggie had lost her parents, and she had become more withdrawn with each passing year. She had become a woman and realized her greatest dream; but without her parents to share it with, she was lost. Had it not been for Ian, Sarah, and Meaghan, she would have been totally alone. Sarah had survived the attack and married Ian shortly thereafter. Within a year, Meaghan was born; and as custom dictated, Maggie, having neither father nor husband, lived with Ian and his family. Maggie developed quite an attachment to Meaghan; and she became about the only person who could raise a smile out of Maggie, and just about anything else the little princess wanted as well. If Maggie was not out collecting herbs and plants, playing with Meaghan, or sitting in a tree playing her flute, then she was at the station.

Starfleet vessels checked on the villagers more frequently after the attack, and Maggie made it a point to be at the station whenever they visited. She was somewhat of a tag-about and soon struck up friendships with several of the personnel who came by regularly. After she had expressed interest in learning more about Starfleet, and the Federation, they offered to teach her some basic computer skills.

Ian, as head of the new council convinced the members to allow Maggie access. As depressed as she was, it was the least he could give her.

It wasn't long before she learned basic computer skills, and was given access to some low-level learning programs. For almost two years, Maggie used every opportunity to learn more about the world outside hers. There was almost 600 years of knowledge waiting for her, and she was eager to meet it. Her time at the station, broadened her knowledge of the worlds beyond, and rekindled the passion she first felt for starships.

Maggie was coming to a crossroads in her young life. She was restless, frustrated as both a healer and a woman. The more she learned about the federation and its mission, the more it beckoned to her. She learned that the Federation was founded on the principles of peace, exploration, learning, and respect for all life forms and cultures. They were about protection, not conquest. War was always the last resort.

She wanted to be a part of this, yet how could she leave the world her parents and so many of her friends built and died for.

One night she did not come home. She sat in the meadow and stared at the stars and moons. The next morning came, and having reached a decision, she went to the station, and submitted her application to Starfleet Academy. It was a difficult decision, especially without her parents to talk to, yet as difficult as it was, she now faced another task equally as difficult. She had to go home and tell Ian she was leaving.

On her way back to the village, she rehearsed her speech to Ian. Ian had tried to be as much a father to her as he was a big brother. Even before Hugglebugs and her 17th birthday, he had been her protector. After she had become a full-fledged woman, there wasn't a prospective suitor that didn't fear Ian's wrath.

There was no doubts in Maggie's mind he would disagree with her decision, try to discourage her, and when all else failed, maybe even flat forbid her to go. "I got to be sure of myself. I have got to make him listen, and no matter what he say, I can't cry!", Maggie thought to herself. She paused just outside the door to Ian and Sarah's house, and took a deep breath. With her shoulders back, and head held high, she marched in.

Ian was sitting at the table, packing his pipe. Maggie noticed how much he did resemble her father, but she couldn't allow herself that weakness now.

"Ian, I've got something to tell you, it's important, and please don't say anything until I am finished." The seriousness in her voice got Ian's immediate attention. Ian put down his pipe, and regarded his sister. Her stand, her heavy breathing, the look of determination on her face, and the dark blue of her eyes only confirmed what her voice had told him.

"All right then Maggie, what's this all about?", he returned. Maggie took one last deep breath, "Ian, I've decided to leave and...", but before Maggie could say another word, Ian rose to meet her and cut her off.

"Leave are you, and just where do you plan on going girl? You're not moving into that station of yours, and unless one of those Fitzsimmons boys finally got nerve enough to propose to you, you can stay right here with your family." His voice softened a bit as he finished, "You know Sarah and I love you, and Meaghan just adores you. You need not be alone somewhere as long as you have a home here."

Ian had softened his tone, but Maggie's face was flushed, and she paid little attention to his tone. "Ian! Please!", she took a quick breath, "Will you just let me speak?". Ian sat back down without speaking another word. Maggie continued, "I'm not moving into the station, nor will I be alone, and I may be a little daft, but not so daft as to marry either of the Fitzsimmons boys!

Ian, I'm joining Starfleet if they'll take the likes of me, and even if they don't, I'm taking the next Federation ship that comes. I'll work for my passage, and keep trying until I'm good enough to make Starfleet." Her voice softened a bit to match Ian's. "Oh Ian, I do love you and Sarah, and Meaghan. This will always be my home, but I'm not happy here. I'm not the healer mother was, and I don't think I will ever be. I'm not ready to be a mother or a wife.

What I DO want to do is be a part of Starfleet. Ian, Starfleets not what you think. It's not all about fighting, and wars. Its about exploring, learning, protecting, and making peaceful contact with new worlds. I can learn so much about medicine and saving lives. I will never forget the frustration, pain and helplessness in Mother's eyes as our friends died around her, and she could do so little to help them. I can't do that Ian, I won't watch others suffer or die if there's medical technology that I can learn, and use to help them.", She paused and took a breath. "Ian I do believe in our world here, and the principles our parents and friends died for. By being a part of Starfleet, I think I can help protect our world and others just like it, maybe even saving someone else from going through what we have had to." Her voice trailed off. Emotionally spent, she looked at Ian.

He sat quietly, looking down at the table, rubbing his fingers across his chin, looking as if he was deciding just how to attack what Maggie had said. Finally, he looked up at Maggie, drew a long breath, and then uttered, "Is there any chance that they'd let you come home now and again, just to get a decent meal. I put no faith in a machine that makes food out'ta thin air?."

He hesitated a moment, a smile turned at the corners of lips, then badly trying to feign a bit of concern, he spoke, "And of course there's the poor Fitzsimmons boys to consider. They'll be crushed to hear you leave ya know."

Maggie's eyes lit up, and with a mischievous grin returned, "Crushed is it!

It's not those damn Fitzsimmons boys that need worry about being crushed!". She shot round the table playfully chasing after him as she had done since they were children. Ian took a turn or two and then stopped and caught her. He gave her a brotherly bear hug that took Maggie clear off her feet.

He sat her down as both of them were laughing. It felt good to laugh and they both desperately needed that after the speech Maggie had just made. Maggie was so glad it was all over. It was easier than she thought after all. Ian hadn't put up near the fight she thought he would, and she knew Ian well enough to know he wasn't one to give in that easily.

She regarded her brother for a moment and asked, "Ian, you know ...I thought we'd have one heck of a row over this, mine you now, I'm glad we didn't, but I can't believe you didn't try and talk me out of it."

Ian thought for a moment and spoke. "In a way, I think I knew you were leaving within a year after Mother and Father died. We were all mad, and lost, and hurt, but most of us healed as best we could and went on with life. You, just got more depressed and restless. I knew you've tried hard to be a healer like mother, but I could see your heart wasn't in it.

The only time I ever see you smile is with Meaghan, or when you're stargazing, and going on about starships. If it's my blessings you want Maggie, you've got them. I stood by you when the kids made fun of you, and I stood by you when you addressed the council and won your right to use that magic. I'll stand by now, even if it is to leave home. All I ever wanted for you Maggie was your happiness." Course now if you still want a good row..." His eyes twinkled at her.

Maggie smiled, and kissed her brother on the cheek. "No dear brother", she spoke, "You best save your strength for Meaghan, she's going to be a handful."

It was nearly a month before Maggie received her official reply from Starfleet Academy. She'd been accepted, and a ship would be in orbit within two weeks to pick her up and take her to Academy headquarters. She was to meet with the commodore at 16:00 hours the day she arrived. That was it. It almost seemed too easy, but she knew in order to stay in the academy and graduate, she would have to work harder than she had ever before, and probably harder than any other cadet there. Even with what she had learned on the computer over the last two years, she knew she was still ignorant of most things cadets probably already knew, and lived with everyday.

The two weeks quickly came and passed; and Maggie found herself standing very near the meadow where they had first landed and now she was to depart. Ian, Sarah, and Meaghan waved to her as the tingling sensation overcame Maggie; and she was whisked aboard the vessel, while the last images of home were still fresh in her mind.

Shortly after leaving orbit, Maggie began to feel nervous, and uneasy, almost as if she'd left her courage and convictions back in New Dublin. Her resolve, that had been so strong before she left, eroded with self-doubt. She tried to tell herself, it was probably the same thing each cadet must go through; but, that gave her little solace, as the doubts and questions even pursued her into sleep. "Was she really Starfleet material, or had she been given this chance, only out of pity, because of the terrible loss of her parents, and friends? What possible skills did she really have to offer? What if she failed?

Sure, she could go home again, but to what? Living off of Ian and Sarah, or with whatever man would have her? The Fitzsimmons boys! Oh no!

Was she turning her back on the world that so many had died for?" The questions would wake her in the middle of the night; and as always, Maggie wished for the same thing. "If only Mother and Father were here. If they hadn't left me, I know they would tell me how to find the answers", she thought. Her mother always said she'd never leave her, but she could never have known what was to happen; and where Maggie would be when she needed her most. Maggie was certain she was alone, and millions of miles from home.

Maggie's transport had docked early that morning, and since then, she had wandered about the station, alone among thousands of people. She had decided to bide her time at this lounge, as it was only about 10 minutes from Academy Headquarters. She had been here all afternoon, nursing a cup of herbal tea and hoping to clear her head. She hadn't been too successful with either. She gazed at the clock, 1540 hours, "Might as well pack it and go girl. You're about as ready as you'll ever be", she thought. She began repacking her bag, but when she grabbed the leather bound healers book, she had the urge to open it. There inside the book was the inscription her mother had written when Maggie had her Coming of Age ceremony.

It was the first time she had ever been called Maggie, and it read, "To my beloved daughter Maggie, as a healer and in all that you will do, always follow your heart, because in the end, it's the only thing you can trust. I will be with you always. Love, Mother" "Yes!", Maggie shouted, and then turned to see if everyone in the place had thought she'd gone mad. The answer she had sought had been with her all along.

"Follow my heart.", she thought, "Just follow my heart!" The same words her mother had written 12 years ago, are the same words her parents would've said had they been here now. It was her heart that had told her she was a little girl, when nothing else said she was. It was her heart that somehow led her to her friend aboard the starship. It was her heart that told the Hugglebugs spray to make her the woman she truly was; and, it was that same heart that had led her to Starfleet.

Her fears, her worries, her doubts and guilt didn't really matter anymore; because, now she knew she was doing the right thing, the only thing! And the only way she could fail was to not try at all. Maggie looked down at the book again, and closed it. She ran her hand over the well-worn leather cover, and smiled. All along she had thought her parents had left her, but she had been wrong. That book reminded her that she carried them with her everyday, watching her grow, and letting her find the answers, but, when she needed them most, they came to her, just as sure as if it had been her mother who turned the page in the book. Maggie thought, "Who knows, maybe Mother did turn the page?"

Maggie began to pack her bag, and as she reached deep inside it, she felt the familiar shape of a little white box. She pulled it out and ran her hand over it lovingly. She still had the one bottle left.

She brought it with her for the very same reason her friend had gotten it originally. Maggie wanted to be able to help someone else, just like she had been helped. Maggie thought to herself, "Maybe someday, I'll run into a "JUST IN CASE". She smiled warmly as she finished packing her bag, and headed for her appointment with the commodore and destiny. She knew then, that as long as she followed her heart, she would never be alone, and never be lost.

HUGS!

Going Home

By Maggie the Kitten

Jenny has been searching for "home" all her life. With the help of a little angel named Rosie, perhaps she'll finally get there.

This story is dedicated to two very special angels in my life.

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Jenny the soap maiden was slinging boxes as usual, half paying attention to the customer’s order and half lost in her everyday dream world. Her job as a warehouse order filler was important to her for at least two reasons: food and shelter. If she wanted these things in the world, she needed money to have them and the job provided it.

The daydreams though were every bit as important as the job whose wages gave her a place to live and food to sustain her. They gave her a reason to live and like the cheap take away that fueled Jenny’s body most days, the daydreams provided sustenance to a soul that was always hungry, hungry for something it could never have in the real world.

So what did this soul hunger for? Money, power, talent, adventure, romance, beauty, love?

Well, love was a part of it, but not the kind of love you’d normally expect a 40 year old woman to be looking for. Of course, normal was not the kind of word you’d probably ever associate Jennifer Anne Tyler with.

Physically she did not fit into the normal range. She was a shade over six foot tall, a slender stick figure with no sand and no hour glass to hold it. Her shoulders were too broad, her feet and hands too big, her hair too thin and her voice too deep.

She just didn’t much look like a normal woman and for good reason, she wasn’t. She was transgender. She was one of those people whose heart, soul and mind were one gender and her body the other. In Jenny’s case, the insides were girl and the outsides had been born boy.

It’s a horrible thing to be an invisible girl as Jenny often thought of herself, but for years that is exactly what she had been. She lived and worked as a male, while inside the female yearned to get her chance to live and walk in the sun and to be recognized as a real girl.

Ten years ago, Jenny started her journey toward visibility. It was a long, painful path, but each step she took brought her more peace as it brought her closer to living in the gender she truly was.

Last summer she finally made it to the physical end of the journey. She had sexual reassignment surgery and was now as legally and physically a woman as she could possibly be. She had an employer and friends who accepted her as a woman, and even though it had been brief and ill-fated from the start, she’d been the romantic interest of a man. On the whole, she had quite a bit to be thankful for, much more than many of her transgender sisters, yet she still felt invisible, still hungered for more and was still very unhappy.

Why? Because the end of the journey had only brought her half way home. Yes, in the eyes of most of the world she was a girl or at least the best man-made version possible, but what the world didn’t know, didn’t see and would never believe, was that this middle-aged, towering t-girl, with the spanking new vagina, was actually just a little girl playing adult drag.

In her heart, soul, and mind, the same place she’d always been a girl, she was still a girl, only not the adult woman who cycled back and forth to the soap works each day and lived alone in her basement apartment. She was a little girl, the same little girl who at age 5 peeked out of the sad boy whenever her grandmother gave her permission for a quick play with the girl’s toys or to help her make pies in the kitchen.

That little girl would make the sad boys blue eyes smile and sparkle and she lived for those days of fun and freedom with the woman who knew she was different and only wanted her to be happy.

That little girl who cherished those stolen moments of visibility, acceptance, joy, play and love, wanted what she was rightfully entitled to: life. Life beyond a few afternoons at her Grandmother’s house. She wanted to be as whole and as physical and as loved and as wanted as the little girls she saw playing in the schoolyard, and why not? She was just as real as they were, save for the one part that mattered least: her body. Unfortunately the part that mattered least, defined her most, at least in the eyes of everyone save her Grandmother.

The world couldn’t see her little girl heart and soul, or notice how her blues sparkled when her Gran tied the little apron around her like a make-shift skirt. They never heard her crying into her pillows at night, begging the angels to give her a little girl body or to take her back to heaven and give her parents a real boy they could love and want.

When the little boy was almost six, his parents moved far away from his Grandmother and then the little girl had no one who loved her or saw her or believed in her. It was then the little girl dug in her Mary Jane’s and said that she was tired of being invisible, tired of not having what the other little girls had. It just wasn’t fair and she hadn’t done anything to deserve being punished for.

In defiance to the world who couldn’t see her, and angels who wouldn’t answer her prayers, she vowed to not be moved. She refused to grow up or grow older, no matter how old the boys body got, until she finally got to have the life and the body of a real little girl.

Twenty five years passed and that boy’s body grew into a man’s but the heart, soul and mind that belonged to the stubborn little girl, refused to budge or grow. Yes, little Jenny was winning the battle, but ultimately she was losing the war.

Being a five year old girl trapped in a five year old boys body is pretty bad, but being trapped in a thirty year old man’s body is way worse. It was a double whammy: in the eyes of the world she was neither little or female and she wasn’t allowed to act like either.

It was at her body’s 30th birthday that she finally gave a little ground. Realizing she couldn’t do anything to make her adult body a child’s she reluctantly focused on the only thing she could do. She could at least try to make her male body female.

Four days removed from her 39th birthday, she underwent SRS and successfully completed her mission, but it was a hollow victory for the home team. Yes, she had earned the right to be called Jenny, and she had all the legal documents and genitalia to back it up, but she was still half way home and with no way to go the rest of the way.

Medical science had come long way in the last hundred years, but things like body morphing nanites were still only available in the transgender fiction Jenny read online. Everything had been done to give her a woman’s body and life, but nothing could be done to give her the child’s body and life she so desperately wanted. She was still on the inside looking out at clothes she couldn’t wear, hugs she couldn’t feel, games she couldn’t play, and the life she couldn’t live.

So with nothing more that could be done for Jenny, she appeased the child within by doing the only thing she could do for herself. If she couldn’t change the real world or her real body, then she would daydream up a world where she had the life and the body the little girl had been holding out for.

In those daydreams, little Jenny finally had everything she’d need and sometimes wanted. And if one of her co-workers who routinely passed by while she was slinging soap and daydreaming, could see what was making those big blue eyes of her sparkle, they would definitely be surprised.

They would be peeking in on the very common, ordinary, and everyday life of a very common, ordinary and everyday little girl. Little Jenny was a pixie princess with blonde curly hair, big blue eyes and freckles splattered sparingly. She was undeniably cute, but not really any cuter than any other little five year old rugrat running the playground gauntlet and sporting her share of bumps, bruises, and bug bites.

While she loved the beautiful little dresses with lace and ruffles and ribbons, she rarely imagined herself in one. Normally she would be wearing a simple play dress or sometimes shorts and t-shirt, but the one constant with either attire was the fact they were always some worse the wear from a good hard day of play.

She didn’t imagine being the princess of rich parents and living in a dream house. She imagined being one of three or four princesses all jockeying for position at the bathroom sink when it came time to brush teeth. Her parents stock portfolio or net worth never figured in either. She just had two or even one parent who loved her, who wanted her, who encouraged her, who protected her, who inspired her, who made her laugh especially when she wanted to cry, who was more keen on spending time with her than money on her, and who held her close when she needed it. If she had a dream house, it was a Barbie one, probably passed down from an older sister and definitely a shared dwelling with her other sisters.

There were no unicorns or dragons or even ponies to have as pets, but sometimes there was a cat who timeshared her bed with her and gave her hours of joy chasing a toy mouse.

It wasn’t all rainbows, sunshine, hugs and fudge brownies. There were tears and scrapped knees and frustrations and brussel spouts and chicken pox and things she couldn’t reach, couldn’t have, and couldn’t understand. There were good times, but there were also time outs and bed times, and the word NO was a regular occurrence. There was learning to share and waiting your turn and frustrating things like alphabets and numbers that just had to be learned.

There was fighting…oh was there ever fighting, but eventually there was always kiss and make up.

And at times life still didn’t seem fair, like being punished for breaking something that you barely even touched on accident, or having to go to bed when you weren’t even tired. Yet for some reason, which shouldn’t have made any sense but somehow did, this less than perfect child with a less than perfect existence was perfectly happy or as happy as any kid could ever hope to be.

Yes, if any of her co-workers could have peeked in on those daydreams of hers they surely would have asked her why didn’t she make all the colors light and happy. Why didn’t she create the most perfect pain free childhood this side of a 50’s sit-com or straight from the pages of the best fairy tale she’d ever read?

And if Jenny would have answered, she would have smiled at them with those sparkling blue eyes and said that she didn’t want the perfect little girl’s body, or the perfect childhood or the perfect parents. She could get that on TV Land or Fictionmania. What she wanted was the very real, very mundane, very middle class, very everyday little girl’s body and life that was anything but perfect and yet exactly perfect for her.

Little Jenny was indeed stubborn but she wasn’t greedy or selfish. After thirty five years the dream hadn’t accrued any interest. She still just wanted what she’d always wanted: the same as any other ordinary little girl with an equal shot at finding her own version of happily ever after one day.

So yes, Jenny’s daydream did ask for love, but not of some God who graced the cover of a Harlequin romance novel. No, she just wanted the love of some goofy guy called Daddy, who had a scratchy beard that tickled, who shared cereal with her on a Saturday Morning, and gave her airplane rides before bedtime.

She also wanted the love of a woman, a very special woman called Mummy, who could make almost anything better with a kiss and a hug. This lady was mostly good witch but with a little evil witch thrown in when necessary. She was beautiful, if only to her children and that goofy guy. Sometimes she smells like perfume, sometimes brownies and sometimes like wet doggies because she’s just given Charlie a bath. She seems to know just about everything, especially the stuff you wished she didn’t and nobody makes macaroni and cheese better than she does. Too bad she has this thing for brussel sprouts. When you’re sick or scared she’s the only person in the whole world you want. She’s the person you most want to grow up to be like, make proud, and never ever want to disappoint.

And you got to have some sisters to play with, to cuddle with, to share clothes with and to fight like cats and dogs with. You absolutely need at least one older sister to teach you things, to watch over you and to tease you mercifully while you pester her to no end. Brothers are optional. You’d probably rather have a second cat, but you learn to live with and love them in the end.

Such were the daydreams of a minimum wage soap maiden named Jenny with blue eyes that sometimes smiled and sparkled and who was truly just a little girl that only wanted to go home.

Today those blue eyes were positively dazzling and so was the daydream. It was one she’d had many times before. It was a version of the the one that she’d asked the angels for all her life. Yet after 35 years of no-shows from the winged ones, she didn’t really expect an answer, but as already established, Jenny was one stubborn little girl.

The daydream itself was as lovely as all the others but what made it special was that the cast of supporting characters were real people, real people that Jenny had met and made friends with.

Jill was a real life single mummy of three girls. She was beautiful on the outside, but even more so on the inside. She was a wise, independent and compassionate soul with the ultimate sense of wicked humor. She was dedicated to her job and totally devoted to her girls. She was teacher, protector, friend, playmate, role model and task master to her children. Borrowing from television, she was a real life Lorelei Gilmore from the Gilmore Girls, and her daughters were Rory in triplicate.

She was not only Jenny’s friend, but her boss at the soap factory, and the pair had spent many hours long after everyone else had went home, discussing the transgender condition, the little girl within, and why Key Lime Pie is the Holy Grail.

Jenny’s favorite stories were those Jill shared with her about the girls and the everyday life they shared. To Jill, most of the tales seemed pretty average: just a Mum trying to raise three girls as best as she could, but to Jenny they were her daydreams come true.

And when Jill invited Jenny out to the house to a spend week with her and the girls it was the closest thing she’d ever known to her dream come true. The little girl within hadn’t been so happy, so alive, so at home, since those afternoons she’d spent at her grandmother’s. Jill knew her friend was happy too, as she’d never seen her eyes any bluer or her smile any wider.

The girls took to Jenny immediately. Their “kid radar” kicked in and they instinctively knew that despite all that height and all those years, there was a little girl inside Jenny, one that really needed someone to accept her, so of course, they did. And despite being the oldest by years, she soon found her place as the youngest in heart, and the Gilmore Girls unofficially added another.

Jill watched in amazement at the transformation that took place during those five days. The hard working soap maiden she’d admired for her courage to make the journey to womanhood, slowly slipped into the background. With each passing day the little girl came out more and more, deeply touching Jill’s maternal instinct. She almost feared that if she kept Jenny another week she might have to adopt her and enroll her in daycare.

When the fifth day came to a close, Jenny started crying as soon as she opened her suitcase to pack. She tried not too. She didn’t want to ruin it. She didn’t want to make Jill uncomfortable. She wanted there to be future invites, but more than anything, she didn’t want this real life dream to end and she just couldn’t stop crying.

Jill comforted her as best as she could. She promised her there would be other invites and gave her a long cuddle in the car before finally shooing her off to her empty flat. It was long night for Jenny. She spent most of it rocking and crying. When she finally did sleep, she slept fitfully as her arms reached out into the darkness for a Mummy and sisters who were no longer there.

It had been over a month since Jenny had stayed at Jill’s, and the nights were still long and lonely but the days were better. She could chat with Jill from time to time and then of course there were the daydreams. Via her imagination and need, she managed to slip off to Jill’s house and resume her position as the fourth daughter.

Jill’s house and family had become the favorite place for little Jenny to go and each night when she made her plea to the angels, she asked not only to wake up in a little girl’s body, but to also find that the bed she woke up in was her very own at Jill’s house.

Today’s daydream was another Jill and Company production but it had an extra special twist. It was based on a very happy real life event that would be happening within the hour. Jill’s oldest daughter Emily was coming up to work to meet her Mum for lunch.

Jill had told Jenny about Em’s visit when she’d came by the office that morning and Jenny had been skipping on sunshine ever since. Emily was 17, beautiful, intelligent, and talented like her mother. She was quite the hard worker as well being the youngest assistant manager ever at Steak and Shake. But what Jenny liked most of all about Emily was that she gave great hug.

Being it was the summer, Emily would stop by routinely to do lunch with Jill and she always had a really big hug waiting for Jenny. Little Jenny would light big Jenny’s eyes up as soon as she saw Emily walking into the warehouse. At that point, big Jenny slipped into the back seat and little Jenny was driving.

Jenny would run to meet her at the gate, holding onto the big Emily hug for as long as she could and then would hold her hand and walk with her to Jill’s office. Those sparkling baby blues of Jenny were wide, almost as wide as the smile that stretched ear to ear. It was a mini-transformation similar to that of what had occurred at Jill’s house. Jenny’s voice, her mannerisms, everything save for her size seemed to slip into little Jenny mode for those precious few minutes with her “big sister”.

Emily wouldn’t be due to arrive for about another thirty minutes but in Jenny’s daydream world, she was already there, only this time, a pint-sized little Jenny scampered to the warehouse door to meet her big sister. This time, Emily scooped the little cuddle kitten into her arms and hugged her tight, before walking back hand in hand to see their Mum. For reasons that really didn’t much matter in dream world, Jill had brought her youngest daughter to work with her that morning. Maybe it was take your rugrat to work day, who knows? But Jenny had been quietly coloring in Jill’s office most of the morning, occasionally getting attention, cuddles and candy from the ladies who would pop in to see the special visitor Jill had brought with her. A few times when Jenny had gotten bored, Jill took a short break and brought Jenny outside for a little run and play in the picnic area. Such were the things that daydreams were made of.

Jenny had relived that dream which culminated in Jill taking her two daughters out for lunch, at least half a dozen times that morning and was gearing up for another showing when a soft voice and a presence interrupted the show.

“Hi Jenny, I’m Rosie”, whispered a child’s voice in her ear.

Jenny’s eyes fluttered open and she managed a smile to greet her visitor, but much to her surprise she was still alone at her forklift.

She looked up and down the long soap aisle, but saw not a single co-worker, let alone a small child running loose.

Wondering if yet another brain fuse had blown under the strain of being a little girl trapped in a big girl’s manmade body, Jenny sighed and then closed her eyes once again.

“Hi Jenny, I’m Rosie” the soft voice repeated only this time Jenny’s mind got visual to go along with the audio. There on the stage that held her precious daydreams stood a very little girl, probably no more than three. She was wearing a lovely white dress, heavy on ruffles and lace and drawn in the back with a bow. White leggings and white Mary Jane’s finished the too cute ensemble.

“Who…who are you? And…ummm…what are you doing in my…my head?” stammered a startled Jenny.

The little girl sighed impatiently, “I already tolded you. I’m Rosie and I’m in your head cause you can’t see me outside. It’s not allowed.”

Jenny’s eyes immediately opened and just as she had been before, she was alone.

Now Jenny was even more convinced some brain fuses had blown, possibly the entire motherboard. She was hearing voices and seeing little girls dressed for the Easter Parade. If she wasn’t round the bend, she was coming up on it fast. She was tempted to run and tell Jill, only that was likely to result in a trip to Casualty and confinement at the Queen’s request in one of the not so finer mental motels.

Realizing it was in for a penny, in for a pound, she might as well go the rest way over, so she closed her eyes once again.

The little girl was there waiting for here and looking none to happy. “Please don’t do that no mores Jenny. I don’t gots a whole lot of time. I have to go down for my nap in thirty minutes ya know.”

Jenny giggled, “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m not used to guests in my daydreams.”

Rosie stood proudly, “I nots a guest. I’m an angel! A real live, well…kinda live almost, first class, special angel!”

Jenny eyed her suspiciously, “You look awfully young for a first class special angel.”

Rosie squirmed and then drawled, “Well…I’m not zactly a first class special angel yet. I’m kinda a trainee angel and dis is my furst mission, but…but…I gonna be a first class special angel. I gonna be one just like my Mummy.”

“I’m sure you will Rosie, but ummm… aren’t angels supposed to have wings and a halo?”

Again Rosie squirmed and then sighed sadly, “Yeah, but…but I wores my wings to breakfast dis morning abter Mummy tolded me not too and I gots jam all ober da feathers, and now they’re in the wash so I couldn’t bring ‘em.”

Rosie reached into her dress pocket and pulled out a golden ring the size of a halo. “I does gots a halo, see! Onwy…it don’t lights up cause I took the batteries out last night to put in my toy pinano and I forgotted to put dem back dis mornin. Mummy tolded me not to do that too. But…but I weally am an angel and I gonna prove it cause I gonna do angel magic and fixes you up.”

“Fixes me up? I don’t think I understand Rosie”.

Rosie put both hands on her hips and pulled a pout, “Gee Jenny, for a kid, you don’t unnersand stuff any bedder dan grown ups. I’m here to gibs you your wish. You know…da one you been makin ebery night for like 35 whole years!”

Tears leaked from closed eyes and Jenny’s arm reached out blindly, grabbing the mast of the forklift before her knees buckled. “Really Rosie? You really mean it? You can grant my wish? You can answer my prayer? You can make me a whole, real little girl who can live in the outside world?”

“Yep, yep, yep, yep and yep”, Rosie added with a smile as she reached in her other pocket and pulled out a long white jam free feather.

“Wiff my magic feather and maybe just a liddle help from Mummy, I can give you your dream Jenny.”

“Oh Rosie, I wanna believe you. I really do, but I’ve been waiting and wishing for so long. I’ve…well, I’ve almost given up hope.”

Rosie smiled sadly at Jenny, “Yeah I know… and me and Mummy and alla da angels is weally sowwy it took so long for somebody to answer your pwayer, but Mummy saided somefins bouts da compuders ups in heaben cwashin alla times, and den…and den her saided some bad words I wasn’t posed to hear bouts somebody called I T and hows if dey weren’t always takin coffee bweaks den dere wouldn’t be mess ups like yours. But I heres to fixes you now, okay?”

Jenny wanted and needed to believe in this pint-sized angel, but it was all so incredible. It was crazy or just maybe…Jenny had gone crazy. Maybe all the pain, frustration and loneliness had finally put her over.

Jenny pondered her sanity or lack of, and quickly realized she was in a win-win scenario. If Rosie the angel was a genuine wish granting cherub, then little Jenny would step into the real world and she’d have the body and the chance for a happy life she’d always wanted. If Rosie the angel was just the gatekeeper to some permanent psychotic state, then maybe little Jenny would get her body and her chance, even if it meant big Jenny was wearing a straight jacket and being spoon-fed tapioca. Either way, she knew in her heart this was her chance, her only chance to go home and she was taking it.

“Okay Rosie”, she said with a confident smile. I’m ready to be fixed”.

Rosie returned the smile and added a nod. “Otays now furst of all dere is stuff ya gotta do. Eben though you pwobably been asking for da same wish all your whole life, you still gots to states your wish for da record cause dats da rule. Mummy tolded me so.”

Jenny took a deep breath and then let it out slowly before she made it official. “I want to be a real live little girl outside in the real world.”

Rosie said nothing, only giving Jenny another smile and a nod.

“I…I guess you probably think that’s a pretty weird wish, huh? Maybe even kinda sick”, Jenny said with a flush of embarrassment on her cheeks. “But I promise you Rosie it comes straight from the heart. I…I just know it’s what I need to be right Rosie, even if you can’t understand why I need it.”

“But I do unnersands Jenny. Honest I do!”, Rosie assured her. “See I knows zactly how you feel cause a whole very long time ago I was just like you.”

“Just like me?”, Jenny said in disbelief.

“Yepers just zactly like you. I was a girl borned in boy’s body like you was, and I asked da angels ebery night to make me a real little girl too. And I waited and waited and didn’t tinks no angel was eber gonna come to fix me, but I didn’t no gibs up. I stayed little inside just likes you did, and for awhile I eben libed like a big girl same as you. I ummm…well I eben got so sad dat I haded bad thoughts bout not waiting for the Boss to call me up to heaven, if you knows what I mean.”

Jenny could hardly believe it. Little Rosie’s life story was her own. Even the last part, the part she’d shared with almost no one.

“But then one night, one night when I was almost bouts to dat very bad thing, a pretty lady angel named Elizabeth with long blonde hair comed and she started talking to me. We talked da whole night and bouts da whole next day, and she helded me when I cwyed and neber eber lefted me!”

“So then what happened? Did she fix you? Jenny asked excitedly. “She gave you your wish, right? She made you a real little girl?”

Rosie beamed, “Yepers, but dat wasn’t all her did. She gibed me somefins else dat I needed and wanted just as much as I needed to be a real little girl. She gibed me her love and becomed my Mummy, cause a liddle girls just gots to habs a Mummy or hers will be lost.”

“Oh wow Rosie, that’s so beautiful”, Jenny sniffled. “Elizabeth sounds like one amazing angel”.

“Her’s the bomb!”, Rosie stated proudly

“Gee, Rosie it must have been pretty cool having an angel for a mummy. I bet you had loads of fun telling everyone what your mummy did for a living”, Jenny added with a laugh.

Rosie shook her head. “Nopers, Mummy couldn’t be my real life mummy and an angel too cause dats da Boss’s rules, so she had to turn in her wings and become mordal just wikes me.”

Jenny was speechless. She knew that a mother would give up her life for her child, but to give up wings and life everlasting for your child. Well…if that wasn’t the ultimate statement of love she didn’t know what was.

“Rosie?”, Jenny asked hopefully. “Was being a real life little girl everything you always dreamed it would be?”

The little angel sighed and smiled dreamily, “Eberyting and lots and lots more Jenny. They just aint nuttin in da whole world bedder dan getting to be the same on the outshide as you are on the inshide. It’s kinda…kinda likes alla sudden bein fwee…fwee to be you and no dumb ol body gettin in da way…and…and your not indibisble no more. Eberybody can see you is a liddle girl and dey smile at you and hug you and treats you just like da same as any udder kid And…and they don’t think you is sick or bad or perverted. Nobody tells you dat you gonna burn in hell and nobody wants to hurt you. And…Jenny best of all, you won’ t want to hurt you no more neiders.”

Jenny dropped her head in shame as Rosie made her last comment. The little angel knew her and her ongoing battles with the darkness all too well, because she’d had those same battles herself.

“Kinda sounds almost like heaven Rosie”, Jenny sighed.

“Sometimes Jenny, it’s all so wonderful it really seems likes heaben, like…like all da stowies you’ve read and written and all the dweams you eber had, but you gotta member somefins portant. It’s not heaben or a stowy or a dweam, it’s real life, and life in da real world is tough for eberybody, eben for liddle kids. Cause Jenny deys gonna be tears, and hurts, and fusterations and tings dat will scare you and make you mad. Sometimes you will be sick and sometimes you wont unnersands tings and sometimes it won’t be so much fun bein too liddle to do stuff. There’s so much you habs to learn Jenny and I don’t just mean in school neiders, I means eberyting you gots to learn as you grow and sometimes dem lessons hurts lots. It’s not all sunshine and wainbows ya know.

Jenny nodded, “I know Rosie, I remember being little. I remember da pain.”

“I know Jenny, I know how bad you hurted, and dey will be some hurts and bumps and skinned knees dis time, but…but dis time Jenny it will be different cause you will be different. You won’t habs to pwetend to be a boy dis time. Dis time you will get to be you and dis time you will habs a lovin family to help you face all da scaries, and dats da difference Jenny. Dis time you will be right and dat means you can handle almost anyting dat life can throw at a liddle kid. And always members dat dey ain’t hardly nuttin your mummy can’t fix with a hug and a biscuit most of da time.

“Really?”, Jenny perked up.

“Honest Angel!”, Rosie promised solemnly. “And Jenny when the dark clouds do go away, sometimes you really do get all the sunshine and rainbows you’ve dreamed of, cause there is just so much good stuff about bein a real liddle girl! Clothes…so many neat clothes and you don’t gots to habs dem made all big to fit no more, and…games…oh Jenny, there must be a million, gazillion games to play, and the bestest ones are where you get to run. Jenny wait till you swing and close your eyes and think you are flying, and colorin Jenny…I know you loves to color but…but it will be eben more magical now Jenny, and magic…yeah…real magic cause kids believe. And…and…popsicles and…bicycles and…Saturday morning cuddles while you and all your brothers and sisters watch cartoons. Yeah brothers and sisters…oh just wait till you habs brothers and sisters. You’ll fight and you’ll play and you’ll fight some more. It’s da bestest. Tea parties, tuck-ins, tree houses, and Toll House cookies. You bounce out of bed in da morning with a joy and an energy you’ve neber knowed before and you run full blast all day until you fall asleep on the floor with a cwayon in your hand and your big sister carries you off to bed. And Jenny, you won’t neber ebers be alone anymore. You’ll habs a family who will always be dere and will always loves you for you.”

Jenny was grinning from ear to ear and her eyes were the brightest blue they’d ever been.

“It still sounds like heaven to me”, she said dreamily.

“Yeah…but it’s better than heaven, cause it’s real life Jenny. It’s being a real little girl in the real world, learning, growing and living da way it’s posed to be. And Jenny…it’s your life, your real life if you want it. All you gots to do is choose it.”

“Choose it?”, Jenny said in disbelief. “Choose it?, Of course I choose it. I want to be a real life little girl more than anything in da whole world Rosie, you should know that.”

Rosie nodded and replied calmly, “Yes Jenny, I knows you chooses to be a liddle girl, dats da easy part, but now you gots to choose whose liddle girl you gonna be and maybe dats not so easy cause I seened all your dweams and you’ve wanted loads and loads of different mummys.”

Rosie was right and Jenny knew it. She had always felt like a lost little girl on the street, latching on to any girl or woman who came by and showed her a little love or attention. Each time, she’d hoped that this would be the mummy who would have the magic to fix her, and the heart to love her, to want her and to take her home. Some saw the little girl and stayed with her for awhile. Some hugged her, some loved her, and few even tried to fix her and take her home, but none had the magic, and in the end, she was all alone on the street again.

“You’re right Rosie”, Jenny admitted with shame, “The little girl within has latched on to so many mummy’s, hoping they would be the right one, but I…I guess it was easy for you to choose, because when you saw Elizabeth, you knew straight away she was the one.”

“That’s true Jenny, when I saw Elizabeth, I knowed she was the perfect mummy for me, da only mummy for me, but before she came down from heaben I was just likes you Jenny. I wanted a mummy so bad dat ebery time I saw one pushing a pram down the street, I wished I could jump in it and go home with her.”

“Really Rosie?”, Jenny suddenly felt a little less guilty. “Just like me?”

“Yepers, just wikes you. In fact”, Rosie whispered secret softly and with a smile, “I wanted it so bad dat I pwobably woulda been the devil’s daughter if he wore a blue dress and said he could fixerade me.”

Both girls had a much needed giggle before Rosie gently nudged Jenny along.

“Jenny, it don’t madder how many laps you jumped into or how many times you pwessed your nose to da window and wished you was part of da family inside. What madders now is dat you looks into your heart and finds da one mummy, da one familwee you know is right for you.”

Jenny closed her eyes and thought. Yes, she would be anyone’s girl who would have her, that’s true, but if she got to choose, really choose the mummy and the family she wanted most of all, then she knew who she would choose. She knew her heart’s desire and she was as sure of it as Rosie was when she met Elizabeth, but did she dare ask it?

“Rosie…I do know who I want to belong to. I think she’s the perfect mummy, or at least the perfect mummy for me. I’ve seen her with her kids. She’s loving and patient and funny, but tough when she needs to be. She gives her kids attention, hugs, direction and a swift kick in the bum when they need it. She’s the woman I want helping me to grow up, and the woman I most want to be like, when I do grow up. She’s everything I ever wanted in a mummy and I love her with all my heart.”

“Sounds to me like someone’s made their choice”, Rosie added with a wink and giggle.

“But Rosie I’m afraid”, tears began to well in Jenny’s eyes, “I know I want her, but…but I’m afraid she won’t want me. She’s already got a house full of kids now. Maybe there isn’t room for one more.”

Rosie wished she could wrap angel wings round her friend as she knew she needed a hug, but all she could do was tell her the truth. “It’s not her house you gots to worry bouts Jenny. It’s her heart. If her has room for you in her heart, then she’ll make room for you in her life and her house.”

“So, if I choose her, but…but she doesn’t have a place for me in heart, does that mean I lose my wish?”

“No Jen. It just means we gotta finds you annuder mummy dat’s all. But don’t worry, cause I gots angels institution and it’s tellin me dat if you trust your heart, it will lead you home.”

Jenny hoped Rosie was right because she didn’t know what she would do if the mummy of her dreams didn’t want her. Yet even if she did want her, Jenny still had concerns.

“Rosie, I know you can fix me, but how do you fix it so I can be my mummy’s real daughter, and once you make me a real little girl will I remember how I used to be before? Will I remember you? I’d really hate to forget you Rosie.”

“Otay’s…let me twy to splain it. I wishes Mummy was here cause hers bedder wiff da big words, but I twy my best. Da same magic dat changes you to a liddle girl will change you into your mummy’s little girl and dat will fixeraded it in da weal world. And you still is five aint ya?”

Jenny nodded silently.

“Well dens da magic will fixes time for bouts six years, cause you gots to counts da time in da belly toos. Fwom da minute your new life begins, da old one will end and it will beez like you always been your mummy’s little girl.”

“Okay, I think I understand sorta, but what about my memories, the ones from before my new life? Am I gonna remember that I once lived as a boy?”

“Kinda yes and kinda no. At first, you’ll member some of it, but it will seems kinda more likes a bad dweam than reality and fors you know it, it will all gets pushed out of your head, cause dey won’t be no more room in dere for bad dweams wiff all da habby memories you gonna be makins.”

Jenny’s life hadn’t been all bad, and she did have some happy memories that she hated to lose, but considering the wonderful ones she was sure to make in her new life, it seemed a more than fair trade.

“Mummy tolded me something when I asked her da same questions Jenny. Her saided dat if I wanted to be a real liddle girl den I had to be a real liddle girl, and that means you gotta learn eberyting ober again and you can’t does dat if your old life gets in da way. Her saided dat bein a kid is more bouts whats you dont’s know and habs to learn dan almost anyting else.”

“I think you mummy is one smart lady Rosie.”

“Me tinks so toos”, the little cherub added with a proud smile.

“I…I don’t really mind forgetting everything, but I just wish I didn’t have to forget you Rosie”, Jenny added sadly.

“But…but you don’t gots to forgets me Jenny! I is da one ting you does gets to member cause I gonna be your guardian angel and I will watches ober you kinda ummm…like a little big sister. And…and when you weally need me, I’ll be dere.”

Jenny smiled hopefully, “Promise?”

“Angel’s honor”, Rosie pledged.

With all of Jenny’s questions answered and her fears calmed, it was time to choose, time to choose life or at least the one she’d always dreamed of.

“Rosie I want to choose now”, Jenny took a deep breath and then spoke with more confidence than she’d ever known. “I want Jill. I want to be Jill’s daughter. I want to be the littlest princess in her castle. I want Emily and Erin and Samantha as my big sisters. I want the joy and love I felt for those five magic days to be there everyday and I want to go to sleep each night knowing I’m finally home.”

Rosie smiled knowingly. Like any good angel, she’d done her homework, (she had to or her mummy would have sent her to bed without a story). She’d known Jenny’s heart’s desire almost before she did. Reaching into her gown, she pulled out the file marked: Jill.

Jenny watched closely and then giggled as Rosie put on tiny reading glasses to read the fine print. “Otay…otay…yes, I can see why you’d choose her Jenny, Jill’s a real smasher, she is, and oh wow, nice genes. You’re gonna be one cute liddle girl, but…”, Rosie hesitated a moment.

“But what?”, Jenny’s voice trembled.

“Da Jill package is OSD”, Rosie answered with a frown.

“OSD?, What’s OSD Rosie?”

“Ooops sowwy Jenny, dats angel code for Off Site Daddy. Dat means you gotta daddy, cause all kids gots daddy’s, but hims won’t be livin dere wiff yous. Jill’s a single mummy and dat won’t change when her adds you. So is you kewlies wiff dat?”

In the past, Jenny’s daydreams of the perfect family had included an “on site daddy”, as would most any kids, but after seeing and feeling the magic that Jill worked in her solo parent act, she knew that no pair of parents she could draw could ever beat the Queen of her heart.

“I’m ummm…kewlies with that Rosie. I’m kewlies with anything that makes me Jill’s.”

Rosie nodded and smiled. “Otays Jenny, den if you gots no more questions. Den it’s time for da angel magic. Time to send you home.”

“Wait a minute Rosie!”, Jenny haulted the proceedings. “Can I ask just one more question?”

“Sure kiddo. Dat’s what I is here for.”

Jenny hoped she wasn’t being to personal, but she really wanted to know, “If you was mortal like me, how did you get to be a real angel?”

“When I got all growed up I wanted to help people just likes my mommy helped me, but since I wasn’t no angel and didn’t habs magic, all I could does was talks to people who were stucks in da wrong body and give dem all da help and hugs I could. I wish I coulda dids more then, but I did help make a few people feel a liddle less sad, a liddle hopeless and a liddle less alone. And den when I wented to heaben and met da Boss, two wunnerful tings happened. Mummy was dere wiff da Boss and she was an angel again. Da Boss said hers was so good at being an angel he just had to give her wings back. And…and den da udder good ting habbened. Da Boss saided I had been such a good angel on Earth wiff out wings, dat he would gibs me a chance to see what I could do wiff wings! So here I is, and you’re my berry furst case, so I weally wanna get dis right.”

Jenny giggled, “I really want you to get this right too.”

“Don’t worry, Mummy’s got my back. She’s on a cloud cose by, and she’ll give me a boost if I needs one. Sooo…now is you weady to go home Jenny?”

“Yes Rosie, I’m ready”. Jenny’s eyes sparkled in anticipation. “What do I have to do?”

“Nuttins. Dis is a full service job ya know. All you gotta do is cose your eyes and me, Mummy and da magic feader will do da rest. When you oben dem again, you’ll be home. Oh I forgotted somefins…”, Rosie added quickly. “You might be a liddle tiwed when you wake up. The trip and da change always takes it out of you, but don’t worry, by morrow, you’ll be a toddler terror ready to roll.”

“Rosie?”, Jenny asked meekly, those tears welling once again, “How…how do I thank you for…for giving me everything?”

“Just go habs a habby life Jenny, dat’s all da thanks an angel eber needs, and oh…wait a minute…dere is one ting you can do for meez. Eats lots of custard and cwumble. I kinda miss da food sometimes”, the little angel added with a wistful smile.

Jenny promised to do her best to have a happy life and ask for seconds anytime custard and crumble were the pudding of the day.

With no more words, Jenny finally closed her eyes. The last thing the soap maiden remembered was a warm feeling all over her body and the faint smell of chocolate chip cookies.

Jill sat at her desk, one set of fingers at the computer keys, the other working the calculator. A tall stack of files sat impatiently in her “inbox”, a half dozen phone messages waited to be answered, and in thirty minutes she had a meeting with her boss who wanted hard copy on how she planned to do the impossible once again. In other words, business as usual for Jill, the first lady of logistics.

The two chairs in front of her desks were filled as usual, but instead of being filled by co-workers who’d stopped in for a quick chat, or slimy salesmen waiting to make their pitch for more than just soap transport, she had to two special guests today. Emily, her oldest daughter, had just arrived after working the breakfast shift at Steak and Shake. Jill had called her on her mobile and asked a tremendous favor. Tremendous because she knew that a 17 year old girl had better plans for a summer day than to baby sit a sick sister, but that was one of those things that came with being oldest princess in the castle.

Jill felt a bit guilty about robbing her hard working daughter of a little fun in the sun, but not too terribly, because she knew two things: there is no such thing as a free lunch (the slimy salesmen had proved that repeatedly) and there was no such thing as a free babysitter. Emily would choose her moment and method of repayment for this one, of that, Jill was absolutely sure.

In the other chair, was Jill’s youngest. She had her mother’s blonde hair as did all the princesses, including the unruly curls Jill had when she was the same age. The junior princess was sleeping now, but if her eyes had been open they surely would have flashed a beautiful blue. She had her father’s eyes and when she was happy, which was most of the time, they sparkled like twin jewels.

She was wearing her favorite Disney Princess outfit again. She’d gotten it for her fifth birthday a few weeks ago, and Jill had barely been able to get her out of it long enough to give it a good wash. White strap sandals had slipped off her feet some time during the morning, and tiny bare toes peeked over the edge of the chair as the rest of her had curled up, clutching her favorite stuffed baby.

Jill stopped calculating and computing long enough to give her sick, sleeping kitten a mother’s concerned gaze. If Emily hadn’t been at work early this morning, or if Erin and Samantha hadn’t been spending this week with their father, she’d never brought the little one to work with her. Jill had known her youngest wasn’t feeling well even before the fever came.

She had climbed into Jill’s bed sometime in the wee hours of the morning which was nothing unordinary for the “Hug Monster”, but…instead of settling down as she always did, she tossed and turned and cried most of the night. Originally Jill thought it was nightmares, but when she turned down not only her favorite strawberry cereal bar for breakfast, but also custard and crumble left over from last night’s pudding, she knew she had a sick kid on her hands.

After arriving at Jill’s office, she had sat quietly, either looking at books or coloring for most of the early morning. Not once had she interrupted her mummy wanting to could go outside and play or begging to go over to the place where they make the soap or asking Jill every thirty seconds or so what she was doing and if it was time to go home yet. In short words, she’d behaved like a perfect angel. There was no doubt she was sick, the fever that came about an hour ago, only confirmed it.

The fever concerned Jill, but only mildly. Samantha had been bitten by the same bug before she’d left for her fathers. She had made a full recovery shortly after arriving there and Jill had no doubt the prognosis would be the same for her littlest one. What she needed most was some bed rest, children’s Tylenol, and a little TLC for the next day or two. What Jill needed most was to finish knocking out that hard copy for the staff meeting, and a two week vacation on a white sandy beach somewhere in the Caribbean. Deciding the second need wasn’t likely to be filled anytime within the next 15 years, she felt she needed to devote all her attention to the first one, and called Emily to pick up her sick sister.

Emily reached into her handbag and pulled out a chocolate chip biscuit she’d nicked from work. “Here this ought to bring sleeping beauty round”, she said with a giggle as she waved the treat beneath her sister’s nose.

The little one continued to sleep, unaffected by the scent of one of her favorite biscuits. “Gee Mum, she really is out of it.”

“She turned down custard and crumble this morning”, Jill added shaking her head.

“Oh wow! She must be sick. I don’t think she’s ever done that. The little monster usually tries to nick mine off the table if I don’t watch her.”

“The little monster”, Jill added with a tight smile, “is going to be fine. She’s got the same thing Samantha had. I’ve already given her some meds and she won’t need another dose until around 3. Just keep her in bed. Feed if her she’ll eat, but if she won’t eat, don’t fight her, just try to get her to drink something.”

“There’s still some pink grapefruit squash in the cupboard Mum, I’ll make her some of that. She’s always begging for it whenever I fix myself a glass.”

“That’s fine Em...and that’s about all there is to it. Check her temp if she complains of being too hot, and call me if it spikes or if she starts vomiting, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I should be home round 6:30 to take over then.”

“Okay Mum, no worries, I got it covered”, Emily promised with a smile as she knelt down to collect her little sister’s book bag and sandals.

Jill came from round her desk and scooped up her little one. “Jenny … time to wake up”, she sang softly. “Emily’s here to take you home, honey.”

Big blues fluttered, but never really opened. A soft sleepy voice whispered, “Mummy … I gots an angel and…and her name’s Rosie”.

“An angel?”, Emily said curiously.

Jenny managed a few more words before drifting off again, “Her…her sabed me…her fix…fix...er…raded me”.

Emily looked helplessly at her Mum who smiled knowingly in return. “She was having terrible nightmares last night. I’m sure this angel is all part of the dream. I doubt if she’ll remember it by the time I get home tonight.”

Emily accepted the explanation as valid and then slipped the book bag over her shoulder before opening arms to take possession of her little sister. “C’mon J-Bug”, Emily’s pet name for her little sister, “let’s go for a ride. If you want…we can stop by Steak and Shake and I’ll get the manager to comp you a free kid’s size strawberry shake.”

A small smile turned at Jenny’s lips. “Already on the road to recovery”, Jill quipped dryly.

Jill then gave her two girls a kiss and a hug before sending them on their way.

Emily had just finished strapping her little sister into the car seat, when Jenny’s eye’s fluttered open again, “Emwee…where’s we goin?”

“We’re going to get you a strawberry shake. Don’t you remember goofy?”, the big sister playfully teased.

“And den where Emwee?”

“Home J-Bug, we’re going home.”

Jenny smiled happily as her blue eyes opened and sparkled, “Home…I glad we goin home.”

Emily shook her head and smiled as she checked the straps. “I know J-Bug, you always wanna go home.”

And as the pair of princesses drove off, a mother angel cuddled her daughter angel on a first assignment well done.

Hugs and love from Maggie the Kitten

Good Morning, Mom
By MaggietheKitten
Edited and fixerated by Holly Hart

A girl on the morning of her fourteenth birthday writes her mom a letter and thanks her for the wonderful gift she's already been given.

Good Morning, Mom

By the time you read this letter, Samantha and I will be on the bus to school. I know you won’t have much time to read it now, because you will be doing you’re make up and fixing your lunch for work, but maybe you can read it later if you have time.

Its 5:00 a.m. Friday morning, November 14th, which means I’ve been 14 years old now for five hours. Yeah! I’m really happy it’s my birthday, and I’m very excited about my party tonight, but I’m also pretty tired, too. I didn’t sleep very well last night. I had the dream again. You know which one I mean. The one where I wake up and find out that I’m back living with my birth parents and still living as a boy. It’s been a long time since I had that one, but I had it really bad last night and when I woke up at 3:00 am I just had to make sure what was real and what was a nightmare.

I cuddled my stuffed sleeping companion, “Boo Boo Kitty”. She was a gift from my sister Samantha, and certainly very real. I looked up at the white lace canopy above the bed my big sister Emily left here for me when she went off to college, and it too, was so beautiful and so real. By the light of the moon I could see girl’s clothes poking out from my open closet door. I smiled because my big sister Erin helped me pick out most of them and I knew they were real. I saw my precious keyboard and stacks of sheet music piled on my desk which reminded me of my first Christmas here when you bought that keyboard for me. My practicing nearly drives you nuts. That certainly was real. Still … I needed more convincing.

I grabbed my robe and went across the hall to Samantha's room. Her door was ajar and I could see her sleeping. She was sprawled out all over the bed as usual, and she’d left her television on as usual. Over in the corner was her bass guitar and amp. Music is something we both love and it brought us together as friends in the 5th grade. We were both in the school band, but as I look over and see her black boots next to the nightstand, I think of “What She Said”, the punk-gothic garage band we just started. I don’t know how in the world she talked me into playing keyboards, but somehow she always talks me into everything. I looked down at the carpet and saw a tube of lipstick laying there and was reminded of all the time I’ve spent over the last year and half learning about hair, and makeup, and what works for me, and both of us laughing when we found out what didn’t work. It was all real and I knew it, but still I needed more, so I went to your room.

I stood in the doorway and thought about the many times I’d been there before. Some of them just like tonight, after I’d had the bad dream and I needed to feel safe. Sometimes I braved death and woke you up. Most of the time you listened to me patiently, saying all the right things when I gave you a chance to talk, hugging me when that is what I needed more than words, and always finding a way to make me laugh no matter how much I felt like crying. And what about the storms? So many nights you and Samantha and I sat in your room, candles on because the power was out and we watched the light show in the sky. That is always fun. I’ve sat on your bed and watched you put on make-up, you smiling at me in the mirror and making goofy faces. It was in your bathroom where you did my hair for my first day going to school as Katie. It was in this room you helped me dress for court and then asked me if I was sure this was what I wanted. I said yes then, and I’ve never ever regreted the day you became my official mom.

I came in and sat on the end of the bed, Cow raised her head and meowed, probably asking me to feed her. When I didn’t, she curled up next to you and went back to sleep. I didn’t really need to talk, so I didn’t wake you. I just wanted to be where you were, so I lay down close to you but didn’t try to cuddle. I’m pretty sure you never woke up, but somehow you knew I was there and you reached out an open arm to me. I snuggled under it and napped for awhile, but never really went back to sleep. I just listened to the quiet, if it’s possible to do that, and felt all warm and fuzzy. When your clock said 4:30, I decided to get up and go downstairs because I knew I wasn’t going to go back to sleep by then.

Cow started to follow me down, but when I told her I still wasn’t going to feed her, she went back to your bedroom. Giggle! She is such a cow! I got some juice from the kitchen and then crashed on the couch. I was going to turn on the television and watch some DeGrassi, but I didn’t want to wake to you. You are a not happy mom when you get woke up at 4:30, especially when there is no coffee ready.

The new book you bought me last weekend was sitting on the end table where I’d left it last night. Most of the time I’m a slow reader, but it’s so good that I’m nearly finished with it already. Except for the fact that Alysson lives in England, her life growing up as transsexual teenager is so much like my own. I guess I saw like, fifty things in the first three chapters that reminded me of me. Of course you already know that, because I interrupted the movies you were watching every time I found one. Sorry, Mom.

I got about three or four pages into the next chapter, but I wasn’t really getting into Alysson’s story. I was thinking too much about my own. I thought back to the day that changed my life. I’ll never forget that day as long as I live. Even though I know now that I’ve always really been Katie on the inside, that day was kind of like the first day I ever really let her on the outside, at least with someone else. I’m so glad that someone else was Samantha.

~~~~~

My parents were fighting again. I just couldn’t listen to it anymore, so I called my best friend and asked her if I could come over. Samantha knew how bad it was and she told me to come straight over. My bike had me there in like ten minutes, and when I got there Erin let me in. Samantha must of told her what was going on because she actually put down her cell phone long enough to ask me if I was alright. I said “yeah”, and kind of dropped my head and shuffled on in. Samantha was crashed on the couch watching cartoons as usual. Neither one of us said much for a little while and then finally she asked me if I wanted to play video games. When I shook my head she asked me if I wanted something to eat. I told her I wasn’t hungry. Two more Sponge Bob’s went by before she asked me if I wanted to go walking around. I nodded silently and she knew that meant I really needed to talk. As we walked out she told Erin we were going over to the park. Erin waved without taking her attention away from the phone. She wasn’t the least bit concerned that her little sister was hanging out with a boy. After three years of spending half my summers, and a lot of my after school time at the Nicholas house, I wasn’t a boy anymore. I was a kid brother. Giggle, well that was half right.

We walked along quietly, ending up at the swings. I was really glad no one else was there. Samantha asked me what was up and I told her it was the usual. For about fifteen minutes we rocked back and forth in the swings and I let out my frustrations and fears over my parents fighting and their divorce to come. My father was going to be moving out at the end of the month, and while I was kind of sad about that, I was glad there would be no more of the fighting and that was all I had really planned to talk about.

What happened next, just sort of happened and I really don’t know why or how.

While Samantha was talking about our music class in school, I just blurted out that I thought I was going crazy. She looked at me all funny with that silly smile of hers like whenever I do something really dopey. I dropped my head for a minute, and when I raised it to look at her again I could feel tears in my eyes. The smile was gone quick and she was at my side. She put her arm around me to comfort me and that made me cry all the more.

I heard her whisper, “Is it your mom and dad driving you crazy? I remember how it was when my parents divorced.”

I shook my head and told her it wasn’t about them. It was about me, and I was really scared and didn’t know what to do. Honest to God, I hadn’t planned on telling her about my deep dark secret. I hadn’t been able tell anyone, not even my best friend, but once I said the first word, I just couldn’t stop. I said “Samantha, please don’t hate me, and please don’t tell anyone, but I wish with all my heart I was a girl just like you.”

Samantha didn’t laugh or look at me like I was some crazy freak kid. She just looked at me, almost as scared as I felt. She didn’t know what to say so she just let me talk.

I started with the beginning as best as I knew when it all started. I told her that I remember being like 5 or 6 and watching cartoons and so wanting to be a Disney princess. I remember my first day in school, and seeing all the girls and how prettily they were dressed, and how beautiful their hair was and how I wished I could look like them.

Tears started coming then. They burned my cheeks, and my stomach hurt from crying so hard as I tried to find words to explain my wishes, my hurt, my shame and my craziness.

Still Samantha didn’t really know what to say. I don’t blame her. I don’t what I would have said if she’d told me she wanted to be a boy. She just listened and hugged me, like the good best friend she was.

I poured it all out. I told her that I thought the feelings might go away when I grew up, but I was almost a teenager and they had only gotten stronger. I hated my own reflection more and more every day, and I could hardly stand the thought of what it was going to be like when I was 16 and my body was going to be more and more like a boy’s.

I told her I was so jealous of girls and the way they looked and everything they could do and what they were going to get to do when they grew up. I swallowed hard and nearly got sick when I told her that most of all I was jealous of her and her sisters, because not only were they real girls, but they had the coolest mom in the whole world. I swear, to me you were just like a real life Lorelei Gilmore from the Gilmore Girls, and you know, I still feel that way, (except when you are being mean).

I even told her about my most favorite fantasy, and my every night prayer. I told her I prayed every night that when I woke up the next morning I would be a real girl, and not just any girl. I wanted to be her sister, so we would always be connected and so I could have her mom as my own. I even told her that I asked that if God couldn’t grant me that miracle, that he just take me away to heaven so I didn’t have to spend one more day on this Earth as a boy.

The whole time I had talked I had never really been able to look her in the eyes, but finally I knew I had to. I wiped my tears and faced her. She just looked at me with concern and tears in her own eyes. I told her I knew that none of what I wished for could ever be true, because I knew I was a boy, and yet I wanted it more than anything. When I was finally done I didn’t know if she’d say I was crazy, or if she would just run away and never speak to me again.

What she did was hug me and tell me that I was her best friend and she didn’t think I was crazy, just really sad and hurting. She quickly added that she didn’t know what to do, but that her mom would, and that we should go back to her house and wait for you to come home. She promised me that you would listen, and that you would try to help, and that you wouldn’t think I was crazy, either. I believed her. I guess I needed to. And you were the coolest mom I’d ever seen. You had always made me feel like part of the family, even if you didn’t know how much I wanted to be part of the family, or in what way. When we walked back I was quiet again but I felt better. I guess it was just so good to finally tell someone. I just hoped I’d feel the same way after telling you.

Two hours later you, me, and Samantha were all sitting at the dining room table. I’d sat there many times before that day and have sat there many more since, but none of them were as scary or as important as that time. When Samantha told you that “we” needed to talk to you about something really important, I smiled at her and wanted to take her hand. I didn’t, but it was okay, because she took mine as the three of us walked over to the table.

I wasn’t sure where to start but when I looked at you and you smiled at me, much the same way that Samantha did, I knew somehow you would be patient and allow me to find the words. Finally I started and like the first time earlier that afternoon, tears came along with the words, but it was easier this time. This time, I didn’t hide my eyes. I was still ashamed and scared, and worried I was crazy, but I needed to look at you. I needed to be sure you understood, so that perhaps then you could explain it to me. And whenever I got stuck and couldn’t think of the words, Samantha helped by squeezing my hand and repeating some of the things I’d told her.

You were very quiet through most of it. I could tell you were really listening to what I was saying, but it was kind of more than that. It was like you were listening to how I was saying it, and watching me really close. When I finally ran out of words, you softly told me. “Come here!” and when I did, you gave me a really big hug and more tears came out, this time some from you.

I really needed that hug and I really needed to hear what you told me afterwards. You told me I wasn’t crazy and you made me believe it. You also told me that my feelings were nothing to be ashamed of or to be scared of. You told me that you weren’t a doctor, or an expert, but that you had read about other people who sounded a lot like me. They were called transsexuals, and what I might have is something called Gender Dysphoria. It was kind of a fancy name for saying that you had the body of one gender, but inside you felt like you should have the body of the other gender. I told you I couldn’t believe that anybody else felt like me, but you said they did, and then we went to the computer and you got online and proved it to me. We looked at sites where doctors talked about people, sometimes even kids. There were boys who wanted to be girls, and even girls who wanted to be boys.

I remember I asked you if the doctors could fix you so you could be a girl and you looked a little sad when I did. You said that they couldn’t make you exactly the same as girls who are born girls, but then you smiled and said they could make you pretty darn close. Pretty darn close sounded pretty darn good to me. I said I wanted to have my operation that weekend so I could go to school as a girl on Monday.

You rolled your eyes and told me, “Settle down there, Missy.” There were a whole lot of things that I would have to do before the doctors would even consider giving me an operation. In fact, at my age it would take quite a few years to get to that point. That made me kind of sad, but you picked up my spirits when you said that you would be willing to help me with some of the things I had to do. However, the very first thing I had to do was tell my parents. You said nothing was going to get done without their permission and their support. Suddenly I was very afraid, very ashamed, and very hopeless.

Talking wasn’t something we ever did a lot of at my house, especially me and them. They both worked. My mother came home and fixed dinner. Most of the time we ate pretty quietly, unless my Dad got started going off about some of the “idiots” at the office. I don’t really think of that as a conversation, because he did all talking. After dinner my father watched television until he left to go see some of his friends to talk about business for awhile. I think they most always had their talks at a bar. My mother sat in her chair and read mystery books until she fell asleep. Me, I’d go over to your house if it wasn’t too late or too cold, or I’d just play up in my room. We had a pretty quiet house.

Well, once they had decided to get a divorce, there was even less talking, but the house wasn’t as quiet anymore. My mother slammed a lot of stuff in the kitchen and my father did the same in the living room and when they did talk, it always ended up in shouting, and I didn’t like shouting. As soon as it started I hid in my room.

Now they were always angry at each other and I was afraid if I told them what I’d told you and Samantha, then I was sure they’d be that angry at me. I just couldn’t face them alone. Thanks to you, I didn’t have to. You said you would go over there with me. I would still have to tell them, because you couldn’t do that for me, but you would be there to help a little if I got stuck, and to help if you could after I had told them. I was still scared … but I knew I could do this if you were there. It’s the same feeling I have now. I know I can face anything as long as I know you are there.

I called my parents and told them you were bringing me home and I needed to talk to them about something important. Samantha wanted to go with us, but you told her it would be better if she stayed. She did give me a hug and told me everything would work out. I so hoped she was right.

As I sat before my parents, I prepared myself to tell my lifelong untellable secret for the third time in one day. My father didn’t look very happy. I think he would have rather been with his business friends. My mother looked kind of uncomfortable. Maybe she’d thought I broke something expensive over at you house. I was pretty sure they both figured it had to be something bad or you wouldn’t be there with me. Well … you know how it went. It was really hard for me to tell them, and I couldn’t look them in the eyes through parts of it. Whenever it got really bad, I felt you squeeze my hand. A few times I looked at you and you encouraged me with a smile.

It was so very quiet when I got done. I didn’t want to get hollered at, but the silence almost hurt more. That’s when you jumped in and told them that you thought I was very brave to confide in you, and that sometimes it’s easier to talk to a friend then it is your own parents. I remember my father saying “Thank you for bringing this situation to our attention.”

I couldn’t believe he said thank you, but it did sound kind of funny when he said it. It was kind of like he said the words, but his voice and face didn’t mean it. My mother came over and hugged me, which really surprised me a lot, because she almost never did that. You told them that you knew there were support groups and websites that could offer loads of information on doctors and therapists. You offered to help in any way you could.

Again my father thanked you, and again it just sounded all funny. He walked you to the door. You looked back at me and you could tell I wanted to go with you, but you gave me that reassuring smile and a look in your eyes that said I needed to stay here and talk with my parents more.

However, after you left there was very little talking. My father left to go see his friends. My mother went out back to smoke and I went upstairs to my room. When I came downstairs the next morning my father had already left and my mother was waiting for me. She told me I had embarrassed her and my father by telling all these things to someone outside the family. I tried to tell her that you and Samantha were just like family, but she wasn’t listening. She wanted to know why I hadn’t come to her and I told her I didn’t know why. I lied. Truth was, I just didn’t want to tell her. I never told her or my father anything, not about school, not about what I did over at your house or what me and Samantha talked about over at the park, and they never asked. I sure wasn’t going to tell her about wishing I was a girl.

She told me I had really hurt her, but I didn’t understand how. She said she didn’t know what she had done wrong and then looked at me like I was suppose to be able to tell her, but I didn’t know what she’d done wrong either. She told me my father was pretty upset and that he didn’t appreciate you coming over, either. She said he didn’t want this kind of thing being spread all around. I told her you wouldn’t tell anybody but she still wasn’t listening. Then she dropped the bomb. She told me I wasn’t to go over to your house any more. I started crying. I told it wasn’t fair, but she got angry, angrier at me than I could ever remember. I grabbed my stuff and ran out. I wished I’d never told them. I wished I’d died before I woke up that morning.

I didn’t tell Samantha anything that day. She knew there was something wrong, but I didn’t want to get into more trouble so I stayed quiet ,and I stayed away from the one place I so wanted to be. That night my father never spoke to me, even when I spoke to him. He slammed the door when he left after dinner. I started to go up to my room, but my mother called me down.

She had told me I couldn’t talk to anyone else about this, but I guess it was okay that she could, because she said she had called Grandma Lillian and told her. Grandma Lillian wanted me to know that she still loved me, because God loves you no matter how much you sin. All I had to do was ask forgiveness for my wickedness and God would fix me. He would take this sickness away from me. She said she would have the whole congregation praying for me.

I know Grandma meant well, but I didn’t like the idea of a whole bunch of people I didn’t know praying for me. There were lots of people out there dying and sick, who probably needed their prayers more than I did. And there was something else, too. I’m glad God forgives you and loves you even if you are evil and bad, but I wasn’t sure how wishing I was a girl was really all that evil or bad. Grandma always said that God knows everything, so he had to know that I wasn’t lying or breaking no rules when I said I wanted to be a girl. It was straight from my heart, and I couldn’t help feeling that way. Grandma knows lots more about the Bible and God than I do, but I don’t think God is mean or wants me to hurt, so when I asked him to make me a real girl, I was just asking him to fix me so I didn’t hurt any more. I can’t see how that is so bad. And besides, it is kind of God’s fault that I got the wrong body, isn’t it? I mean, he is in charge of that kind of stuff, right? Now I’m not really mad at him for messing up, well … maybe a little, but everyone makes mistakes, even perfect beings like God. So I forgive him for what he messed up, and I think he’ll forgive me for the stuff I messed up. So I kind of think we’re even. I didn’t tell my mother to tell Grandma what I thought. I knew she wouldn’t like it and I didn’t want more people praying for me.

She also told her sister, my Aunt Alice who told her husband Uncle Gene. My mother said that Uncle Gene had known all along there was something wrong with me. I thought that was pretty amazing, considering he never paid any attention to me when we over to their house on Christmas. He said that if I was his son, he wouldn’t need no doctors or support groups to fix me. He’d take me out in the woods and make a man out of me. I didn’t know how going out in the woods would make me a man, but it did make me kind of wonder where I could go that would make me a girl. When my mother said she was seriously thinking about me going up there to spend some time on summer vacation I almost got sick.

It didn’t seem like my mother really wanted me to talk to any doctors about this, but she got to talk to her doctor about it. It wasn’t her medical doctor, but it was the doctor she went to talk to about her and my father getting a divorce. He was the guy who gave my mother what she called her “happy pills”. Personally, I don’t think they worked so well. She never seemed that happy to me. I think they must have been sleeping pills, because she slept a whole lot on the weekend. Anyway, she said she talked to him about me and he was pretty sure he knew what was wrong with me too.

He said that the whole thing could be about the divorce, and that I was acting out because I was angry, and because I wasn’t getting any attention. I told my mother straight away that he was wrong. I wasn’t trying to act out, and I didn’t think it was about them or the divorce. I thought it was about me, me wishing I could be a girl. When I told her that I had lots of friends at school whose parents had gotten divorced, and none of them wanted to be girls, she did something she’d never done before. She slapped me right across the face. The smack really hurt, but not as much as the fact that she did it. Then she turned around and walked away from me. I told her I was sorry, but she didn’t answer. She went out back to smoke again. I went upstairs and wondered how it could get worse.

I found out at about 4:00 am when my father came home. I was awakened to the sound of my bedroom door being slammed and bright light in my face. At first I thought it was another nightmare, but when I saw my father standing over me and I could smell that nasty stink of cigarettes and alcohol, I knew he’d been to the bar again and I wasn’t dreaming. He just stared at me for a moment and he looked so angry. I tried to pull myself away from him but I was tangled in my blankets and there was nowhere to go. I didn’t see my mother, but I heard her telling my father to stop but I don’t think he was listening.

He leaned forward and asked me if I liked boys. At first I was still too groggy from sleep, and I didn’t think I’d heard him right. I remember saying, “What?”

That was not the answer he was looking for I guess, because this time he got really angry and shouted, “I said, ‘Do you like boys?’ Are you a little queer? Is that what all this little girl crap is about?”

This time I heard him, and I kind of understood, and it made me feel all sick in my stomach. I wanted to say something, something to tell him he was wrong and to make him stop but I was scared and I could hardly speak. I dropped my head and whispered, “No, Dad. That’s not it.”

Suddenly I was being lifted up from my bed by the collar of my pajama top and my father’s breath was hot and stinky in my face. “Speak up, boy … I asked you a question and you better damn well look me in the eyes when you answer.”

I raised my eyes to meet his and he started again, “Do you like boys? Do you want to kiss them? Do you want to hold their hand and be their little queer girlfriend?” Well, do ya?”

I shook my head and then realizing he was expecting a verbal response, I shouted, “No!”

He smiled at me, but not a very good kind of happy smile. It was a scary smile. “Well … you say you want to be a girl and girls like boys, so … it makes perfect sense to me that you would want a little boyfriend to hold your hand and carry your books and give you kisses.”

“Stop it, Don!” I heard my mother yell, but he wasn’t going to stop.

“Tell me boy … when you go to the pool and change in the locker room, do you watch the other boys? Do you like looking at them naked? Does it get you all excited? Does it? Well if you’re a girl, it should, because girls like looking at naked boys.”

I tried to speak but I couldn’t. He was being so mean to me and I was so scared and yet so angry. I was afraid no matter what I said it was going to be wrong or he wouldn’t believe me. But I guess I should have said something, because my silence made him even madder.

“Damn you, you little faggot. How could you do this to your mother and I? We’ve worked hard to give you a good home. You’ve never had to want for much of anything. There’s no drugs here and we’ve worked hard to teach you right from wrong. It’s a hell of a lot better place than a lot of your little friends have, I’ll tell ya. And this … this is how you want to act? You want to be a little queer? You want to get laughed at and beat up? Don’t you have any pride, boy? Don’t you care what people are going to say about you, or what they’ll say about your mother and I?”

It was too many questions. My head was spinning and I thought I was going to throw up. I didn’t know what to say, so I cried.

“That’s right! Go ahead and cry, little baby girl!” When my father shoved me back I smacked my headboard, hard.

He shook his head and looked at me with such disgust, “I won’t stand for this shit. When your mother and I divorce, if you expect to live with me or visit me, you better get this sick shit out of your mind, boy. I … I just don’t know what’s wrong with you.”

He started to turn away, but finally he’d said something that I could at least try to answer. “It might be Gender Dysphoria. I think that’s what Samantha’s mom called it. She told you some about it when she came over.”

When he turned back around to look at me, I realized I probably should have just stayed quiet. “So she’s got the answer, huh? You really think she knows you better than your own parents do? Well obviously you do, because you told all this shit to her instead of coming to me or your mother.

My mother grabbed his arm. “Don, this isn’t helping.”

Dad brushed her away and never lost eye contact with me. “You really think she’s something special, don’t you? Well I’ll tell you something. If she was all that damn special she wouldn’t be a single mother. And I’ll tell you something else … I don’t appreciate nobody coming into my house, throwing around a lot of psycho bullshit and telling me how to raise my kid. It’s none of her damn business, and I ought to go upside your head for even talking to her!”

This time my mother stepped in front of my father. “This is enough, Don. I mean it.”

Finally, she must have reached him, as he turned and walked to my door. I thought it was finally over, but he wasn’t quite finished. “I’ll tell you what a big part of the problem is. You spend way too much time hanging around over at that woman’s house with her daughters. It ain’t natural for a boy to do that. No wonder you’re wanting to squat to pee. No … this shit stops now! Your mother has already told you not to go over there any more. Well if I catch you over there, or hear you’ve been over there, I’ll beat the queer out of you. Do you understand me?”

Somehow I managed a “Yes sir”, and then I just lost it. I was crying and rocking and hurting so bad and I was so mad too because I couldn’t fight back. He was wrong about me, and he was wrong about you, and he was wrong about everything. The last thing I heard him say as he went downstairs was something about “AIDS”, but I didn’t really know what he meant then. I do now.

Neither one of them came back that night. I know, because I didn’t go back to sleep. I think I was afraid my father would come back. I stayed up thinking about everything that had happened. I didn’t know what my parents were going to do, because they’d never been this mad at me before. I was pretty angry at them too, because I thought they were being mean and unfair. Most of all though, I was sad and scared; sad about not being able to hang out with Samantha anymore, and scared, really scared, about not being able to go to your house and talk to you anymore. It meant that I was all by myself. I talked to God until it was time to get up. I begged him to send the angels down to come get me. I really didn’t want to be there any more.

When morning came and the angels hadn’t, I got dressed, grabbed my bag and headed out the front door without saying goodbye to my parents. I know they heard me leave, and all the way down the street I kept looking back to see if they would come after me, but they never did. I was so glad. When I saw Samantha, she knew there was something wrong, but I didn’t tell her. I wanted to, but I was afraid if I said anything, I’d say everything, and I didn’t want to sit on the bus and cry all the way to school. I didn’t want to get teased and beat up like my father said I would.

In school, Samantha didn’t push me. She knew when I wanted to talk, I would. She just hung around and did goofy stuff to make me laugh. I’m so lucky she is my best friend.

When school finally let out and we got off the bus at our stop, she asked me if I wanted to come over. I usually did, because I hated being a latchkey kid, all alone until my mother came home from work. She smiled and tempted me with some cookies Erin had baked the night before, and the new video game she’d gotten last weekend. I wanted to go, I needed to go, but I knew if I went my father would kill me, maybe really kill me. I’d have had to be crazy if I went over there. I thought about it, and then I told Samantha I’d go, as long as she’d let me use the good controller and not the one that sticks. She giggled and we headed to your house. I don’t know why, but suddenly I didn’t care if my father killed me. I just couldn’t, and wouldn’t go home. I am so glad that I was crazy that day.

We turned the corner to your street and then I thought of something that made me stop. I knew I was already dead meat for disobeying my father and coming to your house, but what if you got in trouble, too. I didn’t want that, and I didn’t want you mad at me for coming over and not telling you what my father had said. And I didn’t want my father hollering at you either.

When we got to the walk leading up to your steps, I told Samantha I couldn’t go in until I told her something. She knew it was important. She’d been waiting for it all day. I didn’t tell her most of it. I just told her that I wasn’t allowed to come over to her house any more, and that my mother and father were really mad at me. I told her I was afraid to go home. She nodded and gave me a hug. I didn’t have to tell her the rest; I think she kind of knew.

At that point I didn’t know what to do, but she did. She got her key out of her backpack and offered me her hand. I took it and together we walked into the house. She told me to park my pack and grab a seat at the dining room table. She went straight to the phone and called you. All she had to say was that I was in trouble, and immediately you asked to speak to me. Up until this point I had really been doing good, but then I heard your voice and I started crying. I don’t see how you could have understood much of what I said, but I guess you did some, because you told me to stay put and not go anywhere until you got home. You told me not to worry, and then I gave the phone back to Samantha. I watched her nod a few times before she hung up. She told me we weren’t to answer the phone or the door, unless it was her, or Erin, or Emily.

I didn’t much feel like playing video games, but we still had cookies and milk. I’ve never been too upset for those. Emily came home about fifteen minutes later. I guess you must have called her on her cell phone, because as soon as she came in she gave me a hug and told me not to worry. You would be home any minute now and you would know what to do. I slurped down the last of my milk and hoped she was right.

When I heard a car pull in I thought it might be my father, and I wanted to run, but I had nowhere to go. I was so glad it was you. You threw your bag and keys on the kitchen counter and came straight into the living room. You asked Emily if my parents had called or come over. When she said no, you looked kind of relieved. I was kind of relieved, too.

You sat down between me and Samantha on the couch and gave me a hug. I held on really tight and didn’t want to let go. When you finally pulled back you asked me with the softest voice ever, to tell you exactly what had happened. I got ready to tell you, and then Erin came home. I guess you must have called her, too, because she didn’t say a word, she just looked at you then sat down quietly. The whole family was finally there, so I started talking and crying.

A couple of times I was crying so much I couldn’t talk, and you never got mad at me once. You rubbed my back and told me it was alright, and to just let it go. Boy, did I ever let it go. I told you everything that had happened, and you barely said a word the whole time, but you sure looked like you wanted to say something when I told you some of the things my dad said and did. I knew you were mad, because your fists were all balled up.

When I finally finished I was so tired and so empty, I just wanted to lie down on your couch and go to sleep. I guess not getting much sleep the night before had me really wiped out. I just wanted to stay there and not get hollered at any more, or see the look I’d seen in my father’s eyes again, but I couldn’t stay there. I knew I had to go home sooner or later and be killed, or so I thought.

You looked at me and I knew you knew what I was thinking, what I was wishing, but I guess you were waiting for me to say it. What you did say was that none of this was my fault, and that no parent should ever treat their child the way I had been treated. In your opinion, you considered it abuse, and were tempted to contact the authorities about it rather than see me return to such a situation.

The most important thing of all you said was the one thing I’ll never forget. You asked me what I wanted to do. That was something my parents had never asked me. It was the easiest question I’d ever been asked. I told you that I didn’t want go back home any more, and most of all I wished I could stay there with you and Samantha and everyone.

You looked at me when I said that with a real serious look, kind of like you were looking right through my eyes straight to my soul or something. It seemed like it took a long time for you to say anything, but it was probably only a few seconds.

When you did speak it was to ask me another question. You asked me if I was sure, really sure, that was what I wanted, because this was really important, the biggest decision I might ever make, and you wanted me to be really sure about it.

I wrapped my arms around you and told you I’d never been more sure of anything in my whole life.

You smiled down at me and then kissed me on the forehead. You told me to get my shoes on and get ready to go. We were going over to my parent’s house to have a talk. That’s when I really started shaking. The thought of facing my father again made me scared and I squeezed you tightly. You ruffled my hair and told me not to worry. I was going to be safe, while you did the talking and they did the listening. You promised you weren’t going to stand by and let anyone hurt me. I didn’t know how you were going to save me or yourself from my father, but I believed you.

I got my shoes on and Samantha came over and gave me a hug for good luck, but told me I really didn’t need it, because she could tell you were really mad, and when you were that mad, nobody, not even her great big old ex-marine dad wanted to mess with you.

Erin told me everything would be all right, and when I told Emily good-bye, she told me, “No, it’s only, ‘see ya later’ ”, because she knew you would be bringing me back home that night. I so wanted to believe that, too, but I was still afraid that my parents would get me back and I’d never see any of them again.

It was a short drive to my house from yours, so there wasn’t time for a lot of chat but you pretty well told me everything I needed to know. You asked me for the last time if I was sure this was what I wanted, and I nodded silently. You asked me if there was anything I had forgotten to tell you, or if anything I’d told you wasn’t exactly as it really happened. I told you I couldn’t think of anything else, and that I hadn’t lied about any of it. You then told me that you intended to take me back home with you, but you couldn’t promise it. However, you did promise me that I wouldn’t be spending the night at my parents house, even if it meant I had to go with child protective services until you could work out getting temporary custody. Finally, you told me to stay in the car with the doors locked. You didn’t want me to come in unless you or a police officer came and got me.

Once we arrived at my house, I saw my father looking out the window. I couldn’t see his face very well, but I’m sure he had been really mad when I didn’t come home, and especially when he saw your call pull into our driveway.

You told me not to worry and that everything would work out. I watched you walk up to our front door and I prayed everything would work out for both of us. When I saw my mother let you in the front door I was more scared for you than I was for me.

I don’t know how long you were in there but it seemed like forever before I saw the front door open again. I pressed my face to the window to see you, but I jumped back in my seat when I saw it was my father I checked the lock on the door to make sure it was down and then shrank back in my seat. I waited to see him glaring at me, shouting and pounding on the window, but he never came near. He walked right past me like I wasn’t even there and got into his car. I couldn’t see his face, but I knew he was mad by the way he smoked the tires when he left.

A few seconds later you came out carrying a big black trash bag. I heard my mother shut the door behind you, but I never saw her face. When you saw me looking at you, you winked and smiled. When you opened the car door, you tossed the big bag into the back seat and told me that we, or you, if I didn’t want to, would come back on the weekend to get the rest of my stuff.

I kind of stared at you like I couldn’t believe what you’d just said, because I couldn’t believe what you’d said. So, I had to ask. “You mean, I get to live at your house now?”

You smiled and said, “Yep, Welcome to Chez Nicholas, but you’ll have to share a cage with Samantha until I can go to Petco and get you your very own.”

You always know how to make me laugh, especially when I really need to. I giggled and I hugged you tight and said thank you about a thousand times.

I was so happy as we headed home, “home”, your home, my home, our home! I started bouncing around the seat and going on and on about how great it was going to be. I said it would be like living at the Gilmore house with three Rory’s. I remember you laughed and said something about how I was as goofy as Samantha. I thought it was the greatest compliment anyone had ever given me.

You said tonight was a special night and special nights at Chez Nicholas are always celebrated with pizza, and chocolate, and movies, so our first stop was Puchini’s Pizzeria, followed by a duck in at Death by Chocolate for brownies, and finally home for the party.

As we pulled into Puchini’s parking lot, I was tempted to ask you what happened with my parents, and how you’d convinced them to let me come live with you. I know it must have really been bad. I bet my father must have really gotten angry, and probably my mother, too. But … I guess Samantha was right. You must be tougher than your marine ex-husband when you get mad. Really, it doesn’t matter all that much to me how you did it, I’m just so glad you did it.

While we were waiting for our pie to come out of the oven you did say that my parents had agreed to me living there with you, but to make it legal, it would take more than them just giving their permission. We would have to go to court and I might have to tell the judge the things that I had told you that day, and the day I told you I wanted to be a girl. You took my hand when you told me, and assured me that when that day came you would be right there with me the whole time.

I remember asking you, “What if my parents change their mind and want me back, or say they never gave you permission to take me?”

You told me that was the reason why we had to go to court, but in the meantime you had a little something to keep that from happening. You opened your purse and pulled out a piece of notebook paper. I didn’t read everything that you had written on it, but I did see my parent’s signatures at the bottom of it. You explained to me that it wasn’t as good as the paper the judge would sign and give us, but it would do until you could call a lawyer in the morning.

I figured it must be a promise that they wouldn’t ask for me back, and you were going to make sure they didn’t break their promise.

While on the way to Death by Chocolate, you rang Emily and told her it was going to be a party night tonight and to get everything ready. I could hear Samantha hollering in the background and she sounded just as happy as I felt.

When we got home, everyone was glad to see me and the pizzas from Puchini’s. It was so much fun that night, eating pizza and fudge brownies and watching movies. It really was like a Gilmore Girl episode. And the best part of it, was that it didn’t have to end with me cycling home, because now I was home.

I remember falling asleep on the couch that night. Cow slept by me. I was warm and happy and full of pizza and it was so wonderful knowing you and my new sisters were there. I still asked the angels to make me a real girl when I woke up, but I didn’t ask them to take me away to heaven if they didn’t, because I wanted to stick around in my new home and see how it would be.

Well … it didn’t take long for me to find out. I wasn’t a guest at the house any more. I was one of the kids, and that meant I had the same privileges, and the same responsibilities, and when I messed up I got in trouble just the same as Samantha did. And it was so cool being able to hang out with Samantha all the time but it didn’t take us long be to brother and sister, or sister and sister because we got into it pretty good a few times in the very first week, but we always made up. Me and Erin had a few rounds too, and still do, giggle, but she’s pretty cool for a big sister.

I didn’t have a room for the first two months because Emily was still living there. I wished I could have shared a room with Samantha, but even though I felt like a girl, I was still kind of a boy and it wouldn’t be right. You explained that to me so I understood without my feelings getting hurt or being too embarrassed.

The first two months were wonderful … and scary … and awkward … and special, and amazing, and lots of other stuff. I was pretty scared when we went over to my parent’s house to get my stuff. It was the first time I’d seen them in two weeks. My father never got out of his chair. My mother helped us get a few things together, but she was really quiet. I remember her asking me if I was happy at your house, and I told her yes. I think she wanted to cry because I could almost see tears, but she didn’t.

I know she talked to you in the kitchen for awhile when I was taking the rest of my stuff out to the car. You didn’t tell me what was said. I guess it was just between you two. I do remember you were really quiet when we drove home, and I didn’t feel much like talking neither. I guess this is kind of hard for everybody isn’t it?

The next time I saw them was at court a few weeks later. I was really nervous that day because I knew I had to talk to the judge. I wasn’t afraid to talk, because I was just going to tell the truth, and you should never be afraid of the truth. I was afraid that my parents would change their minds and say they wanted me back, or that the judge wouldn’t believe me or think I should be with you.

I’m so glad that you and all my new sisters were there that day. I remember holding your hand and you smiling at me. You told me it would be all right ,and as usual, you were right. My parents didn’t say anything bad or that they’d changed their mind and the judge only asked me one question. “Did I want to live with you?” Gee, all I had I was one line: YES! Then it was all over. We celebrated at Red Robin. I like celebrating!

Until that judge said it was okay, I was still kind of scared that I was going to have to go back, but after that I never really got scared of that again, except for the nightmares. I knew I was really finally home, a home that I wanted to be in, one that nobody was going to take away from me.

And it was after you got that legal stuff done that we really kind of went to work on me finding out who me was. We’d already all sat around the dining room table talking about what it meant that I was living here, and how everyone would be affected by me exploring my wish to be a girl. I know that it kind of felt sort of weird for everybody. It felt kind of weird for me, too, but we talked and talked and talked about it and in the end, everybody said they wanted me to find out what I wanted and they would even help if they could. Samantha said she hoped I would be a girl, because then the other kids at school would quit teasing her that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Giggle.

Do you remember the first thing we did to help me find myself? I do. We went to the library. It was a Saturday. You asked the lady to help us find books on transsexuality. I’m glad you were there. I don’t think I could have asked her. I still felt kind of embarrassed, even though you said I shouldn’t be. We were there about three hours and we found two books and a video. That night we all watched the video and everybody thought it was pretty amazing. The books were kind of hard for me to read, so you helped me a lot, and we kind of read them together, because you said if you were going to help me, you had a lot of things you needed to learn, too. I really liked reading with you and talking about the things we read. It was my favorite time in the evening. I was kind of like our time. It was so special.

It wasn’t long after we finished the first two books that you and I went to my first doctor’s appointment, but not Dr. Fogel, the doctor you take me too when I get a bad cold or when I hurt my knee that time I wrecked my bike. You took me to see Dr. Reyes. You explained to me that she was a psychiatrist, a doctor who helps people by talking to them, not by operating on them or giving them shots. You told me she had lots of experience with kids and adults who felt just like I did. You even showed me on the internet where you’d looked her up and we read the really nice comments people had said about her.

I was really nervous the first time I met her and I wanted you to come in there with me, but you wouldn’t. You said I needed to talk to her alone, but that you’d be right outside in the waiting room. Knowing you were nearby kept me from being too afraid. If you thought I could do this, then I had to think I could do it too, because I know you wouldn’t have me talk to a stranger about this unless I could do it and I needed to do it.

When Dr. Reyes came out to the waiting room to see us, I remember thinking she was one of the prettiest ladies I’d ever seen. She was Latina and she had beautiful long black hair, big brown eyes and the happiest smile. I just knew she was a nice lady. She said you could come back with us if you wanted to, but we’d already settled that and I told her it was okay for it to be just me and her. I could tell you were proud of me when I said that.

When I sat down in the chair by her desk I started getting a little nervous, wondering what she would ask me and if I could explain everything to her so she’d believe I really wanted to be a girl. I was ready to answer some really big questions and trying to remember some of the big words I’d learned from the books we read. So she really surprised me when she asked me if I liked cartoons. I didn’t know what that had to do with me wanting to be a girl but it sure was an easy question so I answered it. She laughed when I told her I liked Sponge Bob because she said just about every kid she knew did. From there we talked about lots and lots of stuff and all of it was pretty easy. Before I knew it, the whole hour was gone and we’d hardly talked much about me wanting to be a girl at all. I thought maybe I’d messed up somehow, but she told me that I had done really well and that she was looking forward to seeing me next week if I was willing to come back. I told her I was willing. I really liked her a lot.

Then I had to sit out in the waiting room for awhile so you and she could talk. I guess you liked her too. because when you came out I remember you were smiling and thanked her for the recipe for enchiladas. Next week I thanked her, because those cheese enchiladas were so good when you made them.

I’m not really sure exactly when me and Doctor Reyes really started talking about me wanting to be a girl. It was some time during the next visit. It just sort of came out while I was talking about my parents. We sort of stayed past my appointment that time, because I just kept talking, and talking, and Doctor Reyes didn’t stop me or ask me anything, so I guess I was doing good, and she didn’t have any questions.

By the fourth meeting I think we really started going to work, talking about lots of things in our sessions, some of them making me cry, some of them making me happy and all of them making me think. I really learned so much about things, things I didn’t know about being transsexual, and things just about me.

I was mad at my parents, but I didn’t hate them. I mean, up until I told them I was a girl, they never really hit me or hollered that much at me or did bad things to me. The trouble was, they didn’t do much of anything good with me, either. They never played with me or watched movies with me, or ever even asked what I did up my room or over at your house. I’m pretty sure they cared, but they were just too busy, or not that interested, I guess. Doctor Reyes helped me to see a lot of these things and now I’m not so mad any them any more. It’s kind of like when my mother first told me about her and my father getting a divorce. She said they didn’t really hate each other. They still loved each other sort of, only they just couldn’t live together any more, because it just wouldn’t work that way. Well now with your help, and Dr. Reyes help, I understand that it’s the same with me and my parents. I do care about them, and I think they care about me some, (at least my mother), but we just don’t fit together very good. I don’t think I’m the kid they really wanted, and I don’t think they were the right parents for me, so we aren’t together anymore. Wow! I guess I sort of divorced my parents, huh? Gee, I bet I there aren’t many kids that have ever done that. Well, I’m glad I did, because now I have a mom and a family I do fit with, and who really want me for the me that I am. Hugs!

Within a few months of going to see Dr. Reyes, I started having lots and lots of firsts and you were a part of every one of them. You took me to your hair stylist at the mall once my hair was long enough and I got my first “kind of girl” hair style. I could wear it down and still sort of look like a boy or with a little blow drying and wearing it up, I could look kinda girlish.

You took me and Samantha and Erin to the mall for my first real mall hop. We didn’t buy any girl clothes the first time because I wasn’t ready, but it was really cool to go into those stores and look at the clothes that I always wished I could wear. Every time I got a little scared or nervous or thought someone was staring at me, I just found you. You would look at me and do something silly and then I wasn’t scared or nervous any more. It was so much fun and it felt so right. That was something else Dr. Reyes taught me. While trying to find out if I really am a girl or not, you sort of have to try lots of things on, kind of like clothes, and if they fit and feel right, then its probably right. If it doesn’t fit right, or you don’t like it, it’s probably not the style for you. So far just about everything girl fits me perfect, I think.

You helped with my first make over. That was a whole lot of fun. I didn’t realize just how much stuff a girl does when they put on make up. I thought I’d never be able to put on eyeliner. My lids got so red from all the times I had to take it off and try again. Remember when Erin said I made a perfect raccoon? Giggle.

You helped me with my new girl name. I’ll never forget the “Girl naming Party” we had. All of us had baby books and we sat around trying out new names for me and looking up what they meant. That was a blast, and you kept coming up with silly ones likes Frieda May Booger Eater. In the end, I chose Katie. Well, really, it is Kaitlyn, but that’s the official name. I liked Katie, because of a girl basketball player named Katie (she’s the one on the poster in my room) and well … it just sort of fit me I thought. Emily said I definitely looked like a Katie, that is, whatever a Katie is supposed to look like. Samantha said she’d like having a sister named Katie. That was the first time she really called me a sister. You wrote up an unofficial document at the dining room table that said my new name was Kaitlyn and we all signed it. You said it would be quite awhile before we would have a real court one. You took it to work and had it laminated for me and we put it in a frame. It’s dated, and I can see it now sitting on the shelf next to Emily’s graduation picture. You made my name extra special when you came up with a nickname for me like all the rest of my sisters. I was Katie Bug, because you said that I was cute as bug.

You were with me when we went back to the mall and we bought my first outfit … no, giggle, like, four outfits! You bought me my first and only doll that weekend too. Yeah I know it’s pretty silly a girl my age having a doll, but I wanted one and Dr. Reyes said it was understandable, because I never had one when I should have had one. Still, I was kind of embarrassed, thinking that you would think I was silly to want a doll or way too old for something like that. Do you remember what you said when I finally told you? You said, “If you want something, ask for it, and if you really want it, then do what you have to do to get it. Don’t be afraid of what others think; only you are responsible for making yourself happy.” We went to Toys’R’Us that afternoon and I got Maggie. She’s on my vanity, and I love her with all my heart, and I don’t feel stupid because I do. And speaking of kid things … thanks for coloring with me at the dining room table, singing “Part of Your World” to me from the Little Mermaid (Me and Emily’s favorite Disney movie) and pushing me on the swings at the park. Thank you for all the things you did for “Katie Bug”, the little girl who never really got to be a little girl.

Remember the first time I went outside dressed in my new clothes? I was so nervous, my knees were knocking. I can’t believe I wore my baby blue dress and those white tights. OMG, I looked like Alice in Wonderland. And all of you were in jeans and shorts. I was so overdressed for Puchini’s but I wanted to make a statement. I wanted the whole world to know I was Katie and that I was your daughter and that you said that was okay. Of course I spilled pizza all over the dress, so I guess everyone knew I was your youngest daughter and a real goof. Yeah that was a very special day, but what really made it special, and what made it even possible, was that you were there.

And you, (with Emily’s help), gave me my first real girl’s bedroom. I was so surprised. I knew Emily was moving out and that I would probably get her room, because you really wanted to get me off your couch, but I didn’t know when Samantha and I went to band day camp that Saturday, that you had operation Bug’s Bedroom in full swing. And you were so bad, too, because we were all tired from camp when you picked us up and then you said that Emily hadn’t had time to get any of her stuff packed up in her room, so we had to go up and do it for her while she was at work. Me and Samantha moaned and groaned the whole way home. You called us lazy cows. Giggle.

Well … I’ll never forget when Samantha and I trudged up those stairs like we really were cows in combat boots, and then we got to Emily’s room and we got the most incredible surprise. Not only were Emily and Erin there, but all of Emily’s personal stuff was packed up and gone. Her beautiful white bedroom suite was still there, and you told me it was ALL MINE! You even got the old canopy that went with it out of the attic where you’d put it when Emily said she was too old for things like that. I cried when you told me it was all mine, and I pounced Emily so hard we both hit the floor. It was almost the room of my dreams, and all it needed was my personal stuff and a coat of pink paint. The very next day were at Lowe’s looking at paint strips. It took a while, way too long, according to Samantha, but I finally found the Princess Pink I wanted and that night we had a blast, eating pizza, dancing to tunes and painting my room. Thank you so much for all of it.

I’ll never ever forget my “Period Party”. I remember Emily thought it was kind of gross to celebrate a girl’s first period with red decorations, a red meal (cheese lasagna) and a red dessert (Red velvet cake), but I thought it was totally beast. Now you knew I was never going to have a real period, but you didn’t want me to miss any part of what a girl goes through when she grows up if I didn’t have to, so … you took the very special day that Dr. Reyes gave me my first prescription for female hormones and celebrated it as my own personal rite of passage. Erin said I was lucky because I got the party without the pads. I don’t think I’m really that lucky to miss out on that stuff, because it’s all part of being a girl and I wish I could have it even if it is icky. I tried to explain that to her, and I don’t think I did such a good job, but you understood and just gave me another serving of chocolate cherry ice cream.

And there were the other two big court dates, although one of them wasn’t really in front of a judge. It was in front of some people from the school board so it kind of felt like it was a whole team of judges. The one where we went to court and you went from being my guardian to my official adopted mom was a little scary, some because I was dressed as a girl and I wasn’t sure what the judge would think about that, and some because I was afraid maybe something would go wrong, but it didn’t. You told me it wouldn’t then said I was your little, “Princess Worry Wart.” I thought my parents might say something to me, bad or good, when they came to court, but they didn’t even show. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. I haven’t seen my parents since the first time we went to court. My mother used to call every once in a while, but I haven’t heard from her since summer. That was when I told her my new name was Katie. She didn’t seem really very happy about that. So far, I haven’t gotten a birthday card from her. I’m kind of thinking I won’t get one anymore.

When we went to court I was kind of glad the judge was a lady, because it’s kind of easier to talk to other girls and ladies sometimes, because they don’t seem so wierded out by me. Guys sometimes get sort of nervous, like their underwear is too tight, ya know? I didn’t know if I’d get a chance to talk much or not when I met this judge. The last time I only got one question, but this time she let me talk more, and I did just what you said. I was honest with her and told her exactly how I felt, and what I wanted, and where I wanted to live, and I made it real clear it was with you and my sisters. I remember looking back at you a few times, and you just smiled. You told me before we went to court that you couldn’t speak for me. I had to do that myself, but you would be there with me, just like you’d been there with me so many times before when I had to do things. Well … I guess I said the right things that day or I wouldn’t be sitting at our dining room table right now.

And the team of “judges”, was the school board. We had to meet with them when WE decided I was ready to go live full time as a girl, which meant that I’d be going back in August as a girl to the same school that I’d left in May as a boy. You said you would try to get me into another school if I wanted to, and you pointed out just how tough it might be facing my old friends and teachers. You, me and Dr. Reyes talked a long time about that, and you both helped me realize in the end that it was going to be tough, no matter where I went to school. And there were already some people at my school who knew about me, because I had been living it almost full time that summer. The big thing you asked me was what you always asked me. “What is it that you want to do?” I told you I wanted to go to school with my sister Samantha, and play in the band with her. Once I said that, we never looked back.

The school board people weren’t as nice as the judge in the real court, and there were some parents there too, who stood up and said they didn’t think it was right for me to go to school as a girl, and they didn’t want their sons and daughters exposed to me. What they said kind of hurt, because I didn’t like people to be mad at me or hate me when I hadn’t really done anything to them. They kind of made me feel like I had some contagious disease or something. But what you said to them made me feel okay again, and made them go really quiet. A few people even applauded. In the end, I got to go to my school as Katie. I have to use the handicapped restroom all the time, and I have to dress there for gym, too, but it doesn’t matter that much. I get to be ME and I couldn’t have done it without you.

The first school day as Katie was pretty scary. I wanted you to walk me to class, but you wouldn’t do it. You said I was going to have to make this walk without you being at my side because you weren’t going to walk me to class every day, so there was no reason to do it the first day. I was kind of mad at you for that, but later on I understood. You were just trying to teach me to be brave and tough and I needed to learn that. Of course Samantha walked me to class anyway, and you knew that was going to happen, but you never said anything. That first day was really rough. I couldn’t even eat lunch, even though, wouldn’t’ you know, it was pizza. But I made it through it. A lot of the kids didn’t say much to me, and some of the ones that did said some pretty hateful things. Even a few of the teachers acted like their underwear was too tight when I walked into their room, but I got through it. I lost some friends, but I made some better ones during the first six weeks and by semester end I was almost just another punk gothic princess type girl, only with a little more pink than Samantha says I should wear, Giggle. Okay … so maybe I’m not really just another middle school girl yet, maybe I never will be. I don’t know, but it’s still better than being a middle school boy.

I’m going to have to wrap this up, Mom. I hear Samantha upstairs in the bathroom so she’ll be down in a minute, and I want to finish it before she gets here. I want to thank you for the discussion we had last weekend. I asked you if we could take a walk out by the pond, and like Samantha, you knew that meant we needed to talk. We talked about a lot of things while at the pond: my parents, my sisters, school, band, my body and about a million other things but we’d never talked before about boys, at least not boys as boyfriends. It took about three laps around the pond for me to finally work up the courage for that one. You knew it was something pretty big, and you pretty much just let me go on and on saying a whole lot of nothing until I was ready to really talk.

Finally … I asked you about your first boyfriend and when you first really starting being interested in boys. I think you knew where I was going then, because we stopped walking and sat down. You answered the questions I asked and then started answering the questions I really wanted to ask but was having trouble finding the words for. We were there until it was almost dark, but I felt so much better when we walked home arm in arm. You helped me realize that it was okay if I liked boys, and it was okay if I liked girls, and it was especially okay if right now I didn’t know for sure who I liked, because honestly I didn’t know. You told me that you had told my sisters the very same thing when they had come to you about boys. In time each of us would find out who we thought was attractive, and it didn’t matter if it was boys or girls or even both. The important thing was to be honest with yourself and go for what feels right. Gosh, that advice keeps coming up all the time, doesn’t it? You said that you didn’t have to worry about me getting pregnant, although you hoped I’d have children one day. You said being a grandmother who spoils her grandkids rotten is the only way a mother can get even with her kids for all the hell they put her through. Giggle.

I remember you were quick to add that even if I couldn’t get pregnant, I could get diseases, and if I even thought about experimenting with anyone, you wanted me to come to you and we’d discuss protection. I told you I would. Just in case you want to know, I still don’t feel ready for anything like that, but with the way Samantha goes on about cute boys all the time, I think I’m starting to lean one way a little.

When we came back from our “sex talk” at the pond, I felt so much better. I don’t know how you always find just the right words to say when I need them most, but somehow you always do. Grandma Jean says you got it from her, and you say, “”Grandma has Alzheimer’s (giggle). No matter how you got it, I am so glad you share it with me.

I hear Samantha again. She’s hollering about her black sweater. I did not borrow it and it wasn’t my turn to keep up with it or do the laundry. But you know how she gets. She’s such a drama queen. Of course, she says the same think about me. I don’t think she told you, but yesterday when we were coming home I walked up to the back door and when I started thinking about how lucky I was to be living here, to have you and my sisters and to be able to grow up as a girl. I just started bawling … and she’s like, “what’s your problem?” and I tried to tell her and she just shook her head and said I was such a total girl. I nodded, then I hugged her and cried some more. If you had been there you would have laughed and called me your little hairy hormone again.

Mom, I’ve written a lot about all the things you’ve helped me with and the things I’ve been through, but now at 14, and almost six months of living full time as a girl and loving it, I’m thinking an awful lot about the next big step. You know what I’m talking about. We’ve been all over the internet, and we’ve had a meeting with Dr. Reyes on it. You even contacted the surgeon’s office and spoke with his nurse about the age requirement. I wouldn’t give you any peace until you did. I’ve got a copy of the letter from his office posted on my wall and you have the original in my folder with all the rest of the important papers. If I keep on being happy with what I am doing and I know that isn’t going to change, and if Dr. Reyes will give me a letter, and if you will give permission, and (this is the big one I know) and you have the money. I could get my gender reassignment surgery when I’m 16. OMG … I just thought about this. This very same day two years from now, I could be on an operating table with my feet in stirrups and getting a brand new vagina! Yeah!

I sure hope it happens then, but if I have to wait a little longer, I guess it’s okay, because no matter when I have it, I know like through everything else, you are going to be there when they take me into surgery, and you will be there when I wake up. I just know you will, because you’re mom and I you love me.

Mom, you have been there for every little baby step, giant leap and horrible flop I’ve taken on my road to becoming not only a girl, but also a grown up. You’ve been there for the nightmares, the doctor’s appointments, the court appearances, the shopping trips, the band concerts, and the walks around the pond. And you’ve always known what I needed, whether it's a laugh, a hug or a kick in the butt. You’ve always had wise words, chocolate, thirty minutes to talk whenever I asked, and an extra few dollars for a mall hop. You’ve always been interested in what I was doing, and you encouraged me to reach for what I want. Thanks to you, I know cooking vegetarian style, the history of the Tudor and Stuart monarchies in England, half the words to every well known show tune, (Giggle), and so much more.

Mom I know I’m your adopted daughter so I know some people would say that means you didn’t give me life. Well … I’ve been thinking about that. No, you didn’t give birth to me, but I still think in a way you gave me life, at least my life as a girl. I mean think about what would have happened to me if you hadn’t cared enough or loved me enough to bring me home. If I was livng with my mother or my father I was still be a very miserable boy. If I’d lived with my Grandmother Lillian, I probably would have been burned at the stake by now. If I lived with my Uncle Gene, he’d have me out in the woods making a man out of me! Yeah my mother gave birth to me which means she gave me life, but when you loved me enough to become my mom you saved my life and helped make it happier and so much better. I love you Mom.

Mom, I really got to go because Samantha finally found her sweater. It was in my room. I don’t know how I’m going to get out of this one.

Oh yeah, remember last night when you asked me if there was anything special I really wanted for my birthday ,and I said I would let you know? Well … I gave it a lot of thought and then I remembered that sad little boy who asked the angels to make him a girl and a part of your family. Well thanks to you, Mom, my wish came true. Now I have everything that little boy and this fourteen year old girl could ever ask for.

Thanks Mom, thanks for loving me and making me a part of the real life Gilmore Girls, and for helping me find myself. So I guess I don’t need anything else for this birthday. Of course, I wouldn’t exactly turn down a shopping spree to Plato’s Closet or a Wii Game System. Hint!

I love you, Mom, your daughter Katie Bug

P.S. Samantha hasn’t come down yet. Now that she has her sweater, she’s changing pants, so I got a few minutes. I reread part of the letter and tried to fix some of the grammar (okay you’re right, I can do better than C+ in that class), and while doing that, I kind of noticed the letter is pretty sugary sweet for someone who is supposed to be at least half a Goth.

Sorry, I can’t help being so happy to be here. You call me Princess Pollyanna some days and then say that you thought for sure “the new kid just happy to be in the house” attitude would have worn off by now. You say I should have seen you for the mean rotten witch you truly are months ago, and then threaten to toss me up in the attic if I don’t start acting more ungrateful, moody and miserable, just like the other girls. Giggle.

Mom … I know that I do kind of go all sunshine and rainbows, especially about being here and being a girl, and sometimes it all seems so magical and perfect, just like my daydreams and Gilmore Girl episodes. But I do know the real truth. Nothing in the real world is perfect, (except maybe your cheese enchiladas from Dr. Reyes’ recipe, giggle). Girls aren’t perfect, although we’d never admit that to boys, but being a girl just sort of seems perfect for me. And maybe you aren’t the perfect mom, but I think that of all the mom’s in the whole world, you are the perfect one for me, because I could never love or want any other Mom like I do you.

And maybe there isn’t real “Charmed” magic in the world, but when we have our Bohemian Nights, where we sit on the floor and eat, or turn out all the lights on a Friday night and dance, or you come busting into my room singing, “I Feel Pretty” from Westside Story, or I lay next to you on the floor while we watch a movie or your cooking show, it feels magical to me.

Mom, maybe you can’t understand sometimes why I feel the way I feel, and I don’t just mean about the transgender stuff. I mean, why I get all weepy and Susie Sunshine about being here. All I can tell you is that maybe sometimes I do get all goofy about having these things now, but it’s because I remember what it was like when I didn’t have them before. It was like I wasn’t even alive. I hope that make sense.

I love you Mom, thanks for choosing to make me your daughter.

P.S.S. Did I mention that Plato’s Closet is open on Sunday’s until 7 during the holidays and that the Wii Game System is on sale at Best Buy?

One Saturday afternoon found a full house at the Perrette-McGee Estate, as all the daughters were home for the weekend. The two youngest, Samantha and Abby were still home as usual, serving sentence as regular residents of the parental penitentiary. Zoe and Lela now attending college, were out on parole and no longer lived at home, but had been popping in and out during the last week. Sarah the Weef, yet another daughter of the house and a fairly recent parolee, had returned home several weeks before, and was the reason for this family reunion.

Sarah was due anytime to make the world, especially the small one she shared with her family, a little more crowded and a lot more beautiful by giving it a new life: a boy named Landon. Actually, Landon was overdue to make his emergence and this was the reason Zoe and Lela had been hanging round the old haunt. Everyone was anxious for Landon to “finish cooking,” but no one more so than his mother Sarah. She was fat, miserable, tired and oh so … ready for opening night even if it came at three in the morning.

At the moment, Sarah was in her room resting as comfortable as anyone could with a watermelon in their belly. Her four sisters were scattered around the living room. Zoe and Lela were watching a movie they’d picked up from Blockbuster. Samantha, in character with most other fifteen year old girls, had ear and mouth joined to her cell phone. Abigail Catherine or Abby Cat as she was affectionately known was also in character for her age. Like most other princesses of the pigtail persuasion, she had to be exactly where her big sisters’ were. At the moment she was center of the floor, on her belly and debating on crayon colors for Cinderella’s ball gown.

The two wardens of this home for wayward girls were Leo and Piper, or commonly known by the inmates as: Mom and Dog. While Piper was the natural mother of Zoe, Sarah and Samantha, she was not for Lela and Abby. The last two daughters of the house had come through adoption, but Piper loved them as if they’d been hers from their first breath. Yes, she was the mother of only three out of the Fab Five, but she was loved as Mom by all five.

Leo was not the father of any of the girls, but since coming into their home and their lives three years ago, he had become respected and loved and a dad to all of them. Piper’s “pet” name for Leo was Dog and the kids picked up on it straight away calling him “Doggy Dad” or simply Dog. Now while it was true, this “Fine Nine” (We can’t forget Mittens and Percy the cats!”) had come together to form a family, there was no mistaking this lot for the Brady Brunch. Life at Perrette-McGee Castle was far more real and far more reminiscent of a combination of Roseanne, The Gilmore Girls and Survivor (especially at meal time).

Speaking of food, our happy couple was in the kitchen under the guise of starting dinner, but a quick look in said the chicken wasn’t the only thing heating up. Piper was at the stove trying to stay focused at the task at hand while Leo had slipped in behind her and was staying very focused on what was in his hands: his soul mate. Taking advantage of this rare moment of daughter-free fun, his lips gently found the back of her neck. A warm tickle … getting warmer by the second … ran down Piper’s back and all the way to her toes that threatened to curl. She turned round to gaze into the green eyes of the sexiest six feet of man she’d ever known. Being a proponent of equal rights, she felt what was good for the goose was good for her gorgeous gander and she stretched to plant her lips on his. This coupling could probably have lasted until they were serving “Extremely Blackened Chicken,” had there been no interruptions, but with five daughters … there are always interruptions.

“Mom!” came the long distance cry into the kitchen. The kiss and the moment were broken, much to the disappointment of both, but as Piper left to investigate, the wink and wiggle she left Leo with promised there was more to come.
Piper walked into the dining room and then looked up the stairs. “What do you need Weefy? I’m fixing dinner.”
Silenced followed for a few seconds and then she answered with a whine. “I need you Mom. Can you come upstairs for a minute? Pleeeeeeeze?”

Leo turned down the chicken and walked into the dining room as Piper started up the stairs. “What’s up with Sarah?”
Piper stopped at the landing and quipped dryly, “Hungry Hungry Hippo probably just needs to be rolled over or something.”

Leo chuckled and then baited his wife. “That wasn’t very nice. Have you no sympathy or compassion for your pregnant daughter?”

Piper’s blue eyes met his. She put one hand on her hip and the other waved in the direction of the living room. “I’ve been there and done this three times! Sympathy went out the door after Zoe. Compassion was lost after Sarah. By the time Samantha came round I graduated to cold heartless bitch.”

Leo winked and sent the bitch a kiss. It immediately warmed her cold heart and she sent him one back. A second cry of “Mom” from the Weef ended further flirting for Piper and she left her beloved to find out what all the shouting was about.

Thirty minutes later when Leo saw his wife coming down the steps with Sarah’s baby bag on her shoulder and Sarah slowly following, he was pretty sure what all the shouting had been about. The look and nod Piper gave him when she reached the landing only confirmed it. He didn’t need to hear the order. He immediately grabbed his car keys off the dining room table and headed to the garage to start the car. Landon was on the way.

“Girls,” Piper called as she helped Sarah navigate the last few steps.

Four heads turned and four sets of eyes went wide when they saw their mom holding their pregnant sister’s hand and their pregnant sister holding her belly.

Piper immediately confirmed their suspicions. “It’s time.”

Despite the fact this scenario had been practiced and drilled repeatedly over the last few weeks with everyone knowing their role or place, when it came show time … pandemonium broke out.

Piper and Sarah were quickly surrounded by four girls who only wanted to help, but were doing everything else but. Zoe tried to take the baby bag from Piper at the same time Samantha did. Lela was frantically searching for her car keys and shouting at Sarah to breathe. Abby Cat was pulling on her Mom’s sleeve and asking if she could tear up some bed sheets, having just seen that on the movie that her sisters had rented. Only Mittens and Percy had the good sense to hide.

Piper won the battle of the bag from her daughters and immediately regained order. “Girls! Everyone settle down!”
Four daughters became statues while the star of the show continued to hold her belly and groan. Piper voice was as cool as her blue eyes that made contact with the frantic four.

“I want everyone to breathe … not just Weef.”

Seeing cleansing breaths all around the room she started again. “Now … we’re going to do this just like we planned. Leo and I are taking Sarah to the hospital. Zoe and Samantha can follow in Zoe’s car and Lela you’ll stay here with Abby Cat and we’ll call you as soon as we know something.”

Piper knelt down to make eye contact at the Cat level. “And … Little Miss Talksalot… if you so much as tear a paper towel … let alone one of my bed sheets, the chicken won’t be the only thing getting barbecued around here. Do we understand each other?”

Abby frowned and nodded, but then grabbed her mother’s hand before she could turn away. “Momma, I wanna go too,” she whined.

“No … you’re staying with Lela.”

“But why, Momma?

Piper tried to maintain her patience. “Because … that’s the plan and I already told you that you weren’t going and we discussed why.”

“But … but I wanna see Landon.”

“You’ll see him later, Cat.” The tone in Piper’s voice sharpened, which was Abby’s warning that she’d about taxed her mother’s patience to the limit. Abby however, ignored it.

“But …Weef needs me, Momma. She said I can help by … by … bein imm … immo … immoral support didn’t you Weef?”
Zoe and Lela snickered, but Samantha seized the opportunity her little sister had left. “That’s emotional support you Dorkapotomus!”

Abby turned and shot daggers at her sister, “You’re a … a … dorga …poddy …mouth!”

“Samantha Kellen … Abigail Catherine! Enough, you two!”

Both girls froze in mid-fight. Piper turned to Samantha. Her voice was all about mean Momma. “Samantha, get what you’re taking with you and go with Zoe … while you still can.”

Samantha said nothing and immediately did as was told. Piper then turned to Abby Cat and softened her demeanor slightly. She motioned her over and the little one shuffled like she was heading for execution.

When she reached her mother she received a smile, not the axe. “Look honey, I know you want to go. I know you want to be there to see Landon and to help Sarah with him, but it’s just like I told you last night. There won’t be anything for you to do except sit around the Waiting Room. It could be hours and hours before Landon is born.”
Sarah groaned. “God … I hope not!”

“In fact … he might not even come out at all tonight.”

Sarah grimaced and shook her head. “Oh no Mom … he’s coming out alright. I don’t care if I have to reach in there and pull him out by his …”
“Sarah!” Piper barked and shot her a quick look that told her to keep it C for Cat rated.

“But … I’ll be good Momma.” Abby continued to push her mom and her luck.

Piper shook her head as her smiled faded. “No … no you won’t. I’ll tell you what you’ll be. You’ll be mad because they won’t let you in to see Sarah once she’s admitted. Then … you’ll get bored sitting in the Waiting Room. Then … you’ll get tired and then you’ll get cranky and then you’ll want to go home. Oh yeah … and somewhere in the middle of all that you’ll get hungry and want Zoe to take you to Suzi Q’s. And you know that’s exactly what’s going to happen.”
Abby dropped her head in defeat and pushed out her lip. “I … I … just wanted to go, dat’s all.”

“Mom?” In a single sentence, the soft voice of a mouse named Lela undermined everything that Piper had just hoped to accomplish.

“I … I could take her in my car and watch her at the hospital.”

Could victory be seized from the jaws of defeat? The sparkle that returned to Abby’s blue eyes said she hoped so.
“Mom, there’s no school tomorrow so she doesn’t have to get up early. I promise I’ll keep her out of the way, and if she gets tired I’ll take her back home.”

The same begging look Piper had seen in Abby’s eyes moments ago was now coming from one of her older crumb snatchers this time. “It’s … just … well … I kind of want to go too, Mom … please … if it’s okay?”

“Yeah! I get to go!” Abby shouted. Without even waiting for confirmation, she ran to put her crayons and coloring book in her back pack.

Piper reached for her runaway daughter, “Hey!”, but she was gone in an auburn flash. “I didn’t say you could …” Her voice trailed off as she dropped her head.

“Why do I even bother?” She asked rhetorically with a heavy sigh as she stood up.

Sarah groaned as another pain hit. “Mom … I don’t care who goes just as long as I go, and I really want to go now. Please?”

Piper nodded and smiled both knowingly and lovingly at her daughter as she took her hand and helped her toward the kitchen.

Leo had “Dances with Miss Kitty” warmed up and ready to go as he walked in from the garage. He expected to be greeted by his wife and a wobbly legged Weef. What he got was a speeding pig-tailed princess who blew past him like Dale Earnhardt Jr. on his way to the checkered flag. He hugged the wall as she passed by squealing, “I get to go! I get to go!”

He watched her backpack bounce through the door to the garage and then was passed yet again, this time by a flying Lela who flashed him a smile and left him with a, “See ya there, Dog.” A few seconds later, the intended party rounded the corner.

Piper saw the puzzled look on Leo’s face and immediately knew the cause. She quickly shot him a look and a warning. “Don’t ask … REALLY … just don’t ask.”

Leo, as smart as he was handsome, said nary a word as he helped Piper help Sarah to his car.

The journey to Saint Mary’s was made without incident or need of a police escort. Piper knew Sarah’s labor pains were legitimate when they passed by the Taco Bell without a single plea from her to make a run for the border via the drive through.

Sarah was admitted shortly after three p.m. Piper and Zoe stayed with the patient, while Leo and the other girls took their place in the Waiting Room. Rowan, the father, showed up shortly thereafter, as he had farther to go after receiving word at work, that it was time. He joined Piper and Zoe at Sarah’s side. Thirty minutes after Zoe followed Piper and Sarah to Maternity, she returned and Samantha took her place. Twenty minutes later Samantha returned and Leo went back. This “revolving bedside vigilance” continued for seven hours.

Everyone save for Abby took a turn at Sarah’s side. Rowan took a few breaks allowing an extra visitor back with the young mother to be, but Piper was the one constant at her daughter’s side. She left only once and that was to answer to a higher calling: Mother Nature.
Seven hours had come and gone as ten p.m. passed without a Landon in sight. The pains were coming closer together and with greater intensity. There was no doubt he was on the way, the only item in question was would he greet the world at the tail end of Saturday night or early Sunday morning?

Landon answered the last question shortly after eleven as he started his big push and so did the Weef. Piper, Zoe and a pale faced Rowan were on hand to witness the blessed event. It was the oldest miracle in the book and yet still beautiful every time it happens. At 11:22 pm, 6 pounds and 4 ounces of beautiful baby boy named Landon Robert Ferren made his emergence into the world. He was small but healthy and when Sarah held him in her arms, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. When Piper and Zoe reluctantly left, mother and son were in good condition, father however looked like he needed the bed more than the mother did.

A very tired but very happy and proud Piper made her way to the Waiting Room shortly before midnight and informed the others of the good news, or at least most of the others, as one had battled the Sandman and lost the good fight about two hours earlier. As both Piper and Zoe fielded questions about Sarah and Landon, Piper noted red curls and stocking feet protruding from a lump beneath Leo’s jacket which had been spread across two chairs.

Landon would be available for viewing through the nursery window shortly, and Sarah could take brief visitors in her room until the drugs and exhaustion would claim her. Lela and Samantha, well acquainted with their sister the Weef, opted to go to the nursery first and meet the new man in their lives. They were willing to wait to visit the Weef and offer her hugs, congratulations and a few sisterly barbs about the joys of childbirth.

Piper and Leo were alone, well for all practical purposes alone, as Abby Cat was only a little sleeping beauty beneath a cotton cloak.

“Coffee?” he offered as he led her to the seat next to her youngest.

Tired blue eyes begged as she eased into the chair. “Please … oh, please.”

Leo’s green eyes smiled at hers. Piper was an independent woman, she rarely asked him for anything, but even when it was something as small as a cup of hot coffee, it filled his heart with joy to be able to fill her cup with hot, black, and a touch of cream.

Piper watched him walk away. She hated to be separate from her beloved, but as his jeans hugged his tight bum, the sexy smile on her lips said how much she appreciated the view when he was leaving.

Taking the opportunity for a brief bit of quiet and rest, she stretched and kicked off her heels in the empty Waiting Room. A slight moan escaped her lips and thoughts of a warm bed and a place beside her hot husband danced in her tired mind. Sadly, sleep and bed were still hours away for her.

A nudge to her hip by a small footed “Sleepapotomus” drew her attention to Abby Cat and the only family member lucky enough to be in dreamland in the wee hours of Sunday morning.

Gently she pulled the coat back from her little one’s face to reveal that of a sticky faced half devil — half angel she’d grown to love. She played with a stray curl that had escaped the pigtail holder and wondered what her Cat was dreaming. The smile at her lips said it was a good dream. Everyone in the hospital would have known had it been a bad one.

A cup of hot coffee soon blocked her view. “Here you go, Babe.”

Piper took it with both hands and smiled gratefully at the delivery man who took his place at her side. She sipped the hot black goodness and prayed its heat and caffeine would do the trick.

“Ohhh … that’s so good,” she breathed as she savored the taste and the warmth now flowing through her body.
Leo, noting the chill bumps on Piper’s arms grabbed Lela’s jacket from the next chair, as his was currently in use, and draped it over the shoulders of his “always cold” beloved.

She snuggled in its warmth and against the strong shoulders of her handsome man. “Thanks,” she offered softly as she took another sip.

A few moments of quiet passed, the pair was just happy to be with each other and words were not needed. It was Piper who eventually broke the silence as her head raised from Leo’s shoulder.
“So … you ready to go meet Landon?”

“Sure”

Piper’s tired eyes found their sparkle again. “Now I have to warn you Babe. He’s so … beautiful! In my non-biased opinion, the most beautiful baby boy ever.”

A smile turned at Leo’s lips and he raised a single eyebrow. “Really? Non-biased opinion? Really?”

Piper giggled, guilty as charged, as she stood up and pulled her husband toward the nursery. “Well … just wait until you see him. You’ll know I’m telling the truth.”

Leo took his eyes off Piper and turned them toward their sleeping little girl. “I think I’m going to have to wait … at least until one of the girls comes back to watch Cat. We can’t just leave her here alone.”

Piper grinned and flashed a devilish smile. “We could … in fact, if were gone long enough maybe someone will think she’s abandoned and take her home.”

Leo knew his wife was just playing. It was sort of a running family joke about how she’d take the first good offer for any of her girls. Truth be … she loved them as much as any parent could and woe be it to anyone who would ever try to take them from her or harm a single hair on her girls’ beautiful heads.

That established, Leo couldn’t resist the chance to play the kill joy. “She’s a smart girl. She’d just give them her name, phone number and address.”

“Damn … I knew we shouldn’t have insisted on an education for her. Why, oh why did I ever send her to school?”
Leo hit his line without hesitation. “So you wouldn’t be stuck with her all day at the house.”

The smile in Piper’s eyes told Leo he’d got in a good one and the game continued as Piper eased back into her seat.
“Maybe she’d stay… if they’d make her a better offer? You know … the world’s largest variety of crayons, a pony, and all the pizza she could eat?”

Leo shook his head as he took his seat. “Forty eight hours … seventy two the max … they’d be bringing her back to the hospital or the closest children’s home.”

Piper nodded, “Yeah … that’s about the length of the honeymoon period for parents. By Monday or Tuesday they would realize they’d brought home a pig-tailed she devil.”

Leo chuckled. “Well … she’s a little old for the baby on the doorstep routine, but maybe the convent would take her. I think the Catholic Church pretty much has to accept any abandoned child don’t they?”

Piper shook her head. “I wouldn’t do it to the nuns, at least without sending them a young priest and an old one.”
The reference to the Exorcist made them both laugh as Piper reached toward Abby and began lightly feeling the top of her head.

“What are you doing?” Leo had to ask.

Piper deadpanned her line. “Searching for the little horns that hold up the halo she wears while she sleeps.”
Piper smiled lovingly at her little one. “I guess they all have halos when they sleep don’t they?”

Fond memories flooded back to her of the many nights her girls were spooned together on the living room floor or crowded into a single big bed, quite often hers.

Leo noted the beauty of two of the girls who owned his heart, but couldn’t resist the opportunity to spoil the moment. “Yeah … she’s a little angel when she’s in ‘captivity’, but the scary thing to think about, is that with each minute she sleeps … she’s storing up more energy to wreak havoc when she awakes.”

Piper pulled her hand back and slowly shook her head as she meet Leo’s smile. “I didn’t think anyone could say anything depressing to me on a day like this … at least not until now. Thanks a lot Babe.”

Leo said, ‘you’re welcome.’ with a soft kiss and then made everything better by pulling Piper in for a cuddle. She savored the warmth and the security she always felt in his arms and could have easily drifted off had she let herself, but sleep wasn’t an option just yet.

“So …” she was almost afraid to ask, “How long has she been sleeping and how much trouble has she been?”
“Umm …” Leo looked up at the clock. “She’s been asleep since a little after ten I think, and as for trouble,” he rolled his eyes before answering. “Pretty much the usual.”

Piper raised her head from his shoulder to make eye contact. “Okay … I’ll probably be sorry I asked … but fill me in.”
Leo gathered his thoughts for a moment, trying to place the sequence of events in their proper order.
“Wait!” Piper interrupted. “Allow me.”

Piper opened the palm of her left hand and began counting them off a finger at a time. “Okay … despite the fact she knew she couldn’t go back to see Sarah, when she was told she couldn’t go, she probably got mad anyway.”

Piper hesitated, giving Leo a chance to confirm or deny. His smile and nod said she’d got off to a good start.
“And … despite Lela’s best efforts to keep her occupied, she was probably complaining she was bored in less than two hours after arriving.”

Piper received another nod and a continued smile.

“Within three hours she probably wanted something to eat and drink. I bet she hit Zoe up to take her to Suzi Q’s.”
“Zoe wouldn’t take her, so we had ranch flavored chips and shared a Coke from the vending machines down the hall.”
Piper counted off another finger and gazed up at the clock. “By eight she’d been here five hours … colored half a dozen pictures, played some games with the girls and probably exhausted everyone’s patience, especially yours. Yeah … she was probably starting to get tired and pretty cranky by then. I might have suggested a little nap, but I doubt she’d gone for it.”

“I did … and she didn’t.”

“One of the girl’s could have taken her outside for a bit … although there’s nothing much for her to do there either.”
“Lela did and they were back in less than fifteen.”

“So how many times did Samantha set her off? I can’t believe those two could get along for nearly eight hours without incident.”

Leo held up a single finger. “Only once that I’m aware of … something about how Cat couldn’t be an aunt and had to be an uncle because Landon was a boy.”

Piper giggled and shook her head. “I explained that to Cat already. I guess she didn’t pay attention. Now … I’m almost afraid to ask … but … how did she get even with Sam, because I know … she got even?”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Well … it can’t be proven, but Sam’s cell phone was missing for almost forty five minutes before it turned up miraculously in her purse. Cat swears she didn’t know anything about it.”

“Of course not,” Piper chuckled.

According to her fingers she was batting a thousand. “So how did you finally get her to lie down or did she just crash?”

“I’m not really sure on that one. The last time I went back to see you and Sarah, she was playing a board game with Zoe. When I came back she was curled up asleep and shivering on the chairs, so I put my jacket over her. Another cold body … like mother … like daughter.”

Piper shook her head as she pulled the coat up around Cat’s neck. “You know I told her didn’t you? I told her this is exactly what would happen but she doesn’t listen any better than the rest.”

Leo smiled sympathetically as his hand found hers. “I know, Babe. I know.”

A few more minutes of quiet passed as the pair waited to be relieved. Leo broke the silence by a question from deep left field.

“You ever have any regrets? You know … regrets about adopting the girls. Lela was almost grown when you brought her in but Cat’s become a long term commitment and we’d made plans for when Sam graduated.”

“Regrets?” Piper gently tickled one of Abby’s toes until it wiggled back under the jacket. “Only one or two …” She paused for effect. “Like every fifteen minutes since I was crazy enough to sign the papers.”

She turned and offered Leo one of her playful smiles, but the look on his face said he was serious and so was Piper’s considered reply.

“You’re right. We did have plans. I was just as anxious, if not more so, to head to Arizona or Florida the day after we dropped Samantha off at her freshman dormitory. I couldn’t wait to get to warm weather and a little place all our own where the only ‘whine’ in the house was a Chardonnay and I didn’t have to share you with anyone. And … you’d also be right if you said that the last thing in the world I wanted was one more crumb snatcher, especially yet another girl! I’m so over the color pink, Disney Princesses and first periods. No … I can honestly say I didn’t want Abby …”
Piper’s voice and face softened as she returned her gaze to her daughter’s sleeping form. “At least until I met her … and then I guess my plans … our plans that is … got postponed.”

Piper turned back toward Leo and raised her right hand solemnly. “But I promise you … I never intended to adopt her. I … I was just going to help out a friend. Five days … that was all I said. Five days!” She repeated.

Memories from two years ago came flooding back for both of them. Abby had been brought into their lives through a mutual friend at work. Deb was a hard working woman with a heart of gold and a love for children that knew no bounds. Despite poor health and meager finances, she’d raised her own children, her brothers and a large number of foster kids, especially the special need ones that were hard to place.

Abby was one of those “lost kids from Misfit Island” that Deb took when no one else would. Her misfit was a physical deformity that left her gender in doubt, in doubt to most everyone save for Abby who stated with no hesitation she was a girl despite the confusion between her legs.

She’d ended up in Deb’s care when the local children’s home … overflowing with children didn’t really have the space to set up a private room for a child who physically seemed to straddle the gender fence. A friend in the office made a call to Deb and she opened her door and her heart a little wider.

Deb shared Abby’s story with her during one of their after closing hour chats one night and it really touched Piper’s heart. When Piper came over for a visit and met Abby … her heart was captured. The little bundle of chatter and curls took to her instantly and was at her side or on her hip for the entire visit.

When she came home that night and told Leo all about her, he had a feeling, men’s intuition if you like, that this little one was special to his soul mate. It was when she asked him a few weeks later how he felt about having her over for five days that he knew a future tax deduction could be in the offing.

“Five days!” She continued to swear as Piper retold the events they both knew by heart. “I only intended to keep her for five days. I … I just wanted to give Deb a break. She was so tired, and bless her heart … she’s got a never ending supply of love when it comes to kids, but she was almost out of energy and money. I just wanted to help out a little … that’s all.”

Leo smiled sympathetically. “I know Babe. It was only going to be five days, but … five became ten and ten … twenty and then well … the next thing we’re doing is signing papers and turning the den into a princess palace.”
Piper nodded and guilt … guilt about making her beloved wait for their warm weather love shack … put a sad frown on her face. “I’m sorry … I guess I just let my heart get the better of me … and our plans.”

Leo pulled her in close. “It’s okay, Babe. Your heart … among the many other attributes you possess …” his hand gently caressed her hip and bum, letting her know what two others were, “is why I love you and why we go together so well. You’re the soft one and I’m … well … I’m the tough one … especially when it comes to the girls.”

Piper’s eyes went wide as her frown faded and was replaced by a look of disbelief. She answered him with a laugh. “You? The tough one? Especially with the girls? Oh my God … what were you smoking while I was in there with the Weef?”

Leo had gambled he’d get this response when he threw out the bait and Piper did not disappoint as she bit hard. Not wanting to give up the game too easy, he continued to play it straight.

“I don’t know what you mean. You know I’m tough with the girls … especially Abby Cat.”

Piper’s mouth went wide. She shook her head and laughed. “Oh you will so burn for that lie.”

She turned away and then gently took Cat’s exposed hand in hers. She pointed at the little one’s pinky finger. “You see that? You’ve been wrapped around this from the first day I brought her home. You’ve been there so long I should probably have your mail forwarded there.”

“That’s not true!” Leo tried badly to deny what they both knew was true.

Piper’s eyes narrowed as she moved in for the kill. “Do I need to cite examples? You know I can … and I’m not afraid to use her first birthday with us or her first Christmas … Mr. Spendalot … or if you really wanna go there, I can bring up her first sleepover at Zoe’s and who slept with his cell phone stuck in his ear in case she wanted to come home in the middle of the night. Shall I go on, or can we stop the fight?”

Leo threw up his hands and waved the white flag. “Okay … okay … but … you never really answered my question? Do you have any regrets?”

She answered it with one of her own. “Do you?”

He looked over at the sleeping girl who had entered his life and his heart just a few short years ago. How many hours had he sat at this very same hospital while the surgeon did the delicate work of removing the withered appendage that lied about her true gender? How many times had he carried her off to bed after she fell asleep on the landing and Piper had said to just leave her there? How many times had her happiness put a smile on his face or her pain made him wish he could make it all better for her? How many times had her endless chatter made him almost wish to be struck deaf, and yet he continued to smile and listen without a whimper?

He didn’t know the numbers, because like years spent … it didn’t really matter. Yes … it was true she hadn’t started out this life as his, but that was irrelevant. Up until three years ago, he hadn’t been husband to Piper or dad to her daughters, either.

Then a door had opened for him and he became another loved and wanted member of the family. Two years ago, that door had opened again; this time just wide enough to let a little girl into the family and into all their hearts. What did matter was … that she was his daughter … she was as much a part of this family as he was … as any of them were, and after two years of having her call him “Doggy Dad,” he couldn’t imagine her belonging to anyone else. The answer was too easy.

“No, I don’t have any regrets.” His answer was delivered with as much certainty as the “Yes” he had given when asked if he would take Piper to be his wife.

“Ditto,” was Piper’s one word but heartfelt reply to what had turned out to be a very long question.
“But,” she added after a long pause. “I am disappointed.”
“In Cat?”

“No … not Cat,” she sighed sadly. “I’m disappointed in me. I guess … I guess I just have to face the fact that I’m a bad parent.”

Leo squeezed her hand. His voice was full with sympathy. “A bad parent? Really? Why would you ever think something like that?”

“Well … with my first three girls I blamed all their weirdness on their father ‘Chunk’. With Lela… I got her so late that I told myself it was her natural parent’s fault, but with Cat … well … I’ve had her since she was really little and look how rotten she’s turned out. I guess I just finally have to accept the blame.”

A smile turned at Leo’s lips. He didn’t know how Piper could deliver such lines without cracking one herself. She deserved an Academy Award for that performance. Doing his best to match her professionalism, he adlibbed a line or two as best he could, “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Babe. You shouldn’t take all the blame for being a lousy parent.”
Piper’s eyes sparkled as her smile returned. “You’re right honey. What was I was thinking? We’re married! We share everything which means half the blame is yours. Wow! I’m not the only bad parent, we’re both bad parents. Now I feel lots better.”

Leo groaned, “I wish I did,” and then both had nose snorting laughs at the joke on themselves.

When the laughter died, silence and snuggles followed for another ten minutes before impatience finally set in. Once it became obvious the girls were lingering either at Sarah’s room or most likely at the nursery window, their parents were left with no choice but to send out a search party. “You want me to go break things up?” Leo offered
Piper weighed his offer and the comfort she was feeling snuggled against her love. “No,” she reluctantly left her warm spot. “I’ll go light the fire. Remember, I’m the mean one.” She added a quick wink to let him know it was only a gentle tease if not the absolute truth.

Piper reluctantly released Leo’s hand and turned to head down the hallway. She stopped two steps into her tracks. “You know Cat’s going to want to see Landon before we go home, and if she wakes up at home later today and finds she’s missed her chance … we won’t hear the end of it until we bring her back out.”

“Good point … so … what do you want to do?”

Piper paused at the entrance to the hallway. “Why don’t you get her up … or at least see if you can raise some level of consciousness and then bring her back to the nursery. She’s allowed back there with an adult, and then I can show both of you my handsome little hunk of man.”

Leo nodded, then winked, with a smile as a chaser. Piper returned it before she walked off. Leo risked severe neck strain to catch a glimpse of her heading down the tiled floor. Just like his soul mate, he hated for her to leave, but he loved to watch her walk away.

Piper passed Lela and Samantha as she rounded the corner to the nursery window. Just as she had surmised, the two girls had been spellbound by their too cute nephew. They were heading off to see Sarah and tell her that she made beautiful baby boys. Piper left the girls with orders not to tarry too long in Sarah’s room, as while they all needed rest; no one needed it more so than Sarah.

Piper soon found herself at the picture window that gave clear view to the recent additions to the world’s population. She wouldn’t have needed the words “Landon Ferren” written on the slate at the end of his bed to be able to single him out. She’d know that beautiful boy anywhere. She immediately went into a hypnotic trance as she watched him wiggle and smile. She could have stayed there alone for hours, but only ten minutes passed before footfalls on the tile broke her concentration.

She turned to find her handsome husband and sleepy daughter heading her way. Abby, who appeared to be just barely above sleep walking, had Leo’s hand and was struggling in her gait. Once she saw Piper, she seemed to lift from her zombie state, and awoke with a smile and steadier legs.

Within a few yards of her momma, she couldn’t wait the walk and ran to her. Piper knelt down and caught her. Sleep was still in Cat’s eyes, but she was awake enough to appreciate her first glimpse of her new nephew.

Piper placed Abby on the bench in front of the window and proudly pointed out the latest addition to the clan. Leo and Abby stared at the new life as Piper stood ready to answer any questions they might have. Leo was quiet, but the look on his face said pride, love and relief. Relief that Landon was healthy, and relief at finally having another man around to offset the estrogen overload he daily drowned in.

After a few quiet moments, he excused himself to go see Sarah and promised to meet his two girls in the Waiting Room when they were finally done with their “oohing and awing”.

Piper was a bit surprised that her chatty child had so very little to say, attributing some of that to her half waken state and the rest to being overwhelmed by the miracle before her, she prompted her for a response.
“So … Miss Cat … what do you think of your nephew?”

Abby puzzled for a moment … turning her head one way and then another before sighing heavily. “Momma are you sure dat’s Landon?”

“What?” Piper never knew what to expect when she asked her youngest a question, but this time the Cat really knocked her for six.

“Well … of course I’m sure that’s Landon! I was there when he was born … remember? Now why on Earth would you ask such a question?”

Abby innocently shrugged her shoulders. “Well … I dunno. He sure don’t look very much like Weef and he don’t look like Rowan so … I thoughted maybe they gived us the wrong baby, dat’s all?”

Piper suppressed a giggle and placed a reassuring hand on her doubting daughter’s shoulder. “Trust me Cat … that’s our Landon and I can see a little of his parents in him.”

Cat nodded and then pressed her face to the window trying to give Landon a second chance with a longer second look. “Yeah Momma … I can too.”

Piper knew that was a lie, but at least she was trying.

“Momma he’s awful small ain’t he?”

“Well yes … yes he is … all babies are small, but Landon is very small. He only weighs 6 pounds and 4 ounces.”
“Did Sarah think he was small too?” came another innocent question.

Piper held her tongue and the truth that to Sarah, Landon head felt like the Hindenburg passing between her thighs. She left her daughter with a half truth they both could live with. “Yes honey … Sarah knows he’s a small baby.”
“Momma was Doggy Dad ever that small?”

Piper smiled imagining her beautiful man as a beautiful baby. “When he was just a puppy.”

“Wow!,” came the voice of disbelief as she tried to imagine the gentle giant she loved being barely more than a handful. That thought seemed to leave her speechless, and nearly a minute passed before Abby Cat broke the silence.
“Mom can I go see Sarah now since she’s done having Landon?”

Piper shook her head. “You already know the answer to that question Cat.”

Abby sighed, “Can I hold Landon yet?”

“No … not yet.”

Piper’s first two no’s did not deter the determined child.

“Can I feed him?”

Piper smiled. “No … Sarah is taking care of that.”

“Can I change him?”

“No … the nurses are taking care of that for now.”

“Can I give him a bath?”

“He really hasn’t had time to get dirty yet.”

“Can I push him round in a stroller and take him to the park?”

“Not for quite awhile yet.”

Abby Cat thought for a moment and smiled hopefully. “Can I sing him to sleep?”

Piper loved her girls and supported them in their interests. Both Abby Cat and Samantha loved to sing and while they certainly lacked nothing in effort and heart, they lacked everything in talent and tone. Piper smiled at her daughter and gave her one of those gentle little white lies that are a mother’s prerogative.

“Yes Cat … you can sing him to sleep, but see … he’s already sleeping now, so why don’t we save your song until we get Landon home.”

“Okay,” she said with a half smile.

Another thirty seconds of silence passed and then came the line Piper knew she’d hear sooner or later. “Momma I’m bored, and there’s nothing for me to do.”

It took all her self control to keep the words, “I tried to tell you that last night” from escaping her lips.
“Can we take Landon and Weefy and go home now?”

“No …” Piper found patience only reserved for a parent. “Landon and Sarah have to stay here for a day or two; however, we can go home in a little while and get some sleep … some beautiful … peaceful … sleep.”

Abby Cat watched Landon for a bit longer and then her attention turned to other matters at hand. “Momma do you know where Zoe is?”

“No … she might be with Sarah or she may have gone home.”

Cat’s eyes went wide. “She can’t go home wiff out me! I won and she promised! She promised!”

Piper gave her suddenly flustered child a puzzled stare. “What are you talking about Cat? What did you win and what did she promise?”

Piper didn’t get her answer, as Abby spied Lela walking their way and jumped off the bench. Her feet hit the tile running and she was off to meet her. Lela knelt down and caught her. Piper couldn’t hear the conversation, but she could see that Cat was doing most of the talking and Lela the listening. Lela evidently agreed with whatever Cat was pitching, as she took her by the hand and led her back toward the Waiting Room.

Seconds later Zoe rounded a corner from the opposite direction and headed toward the window to join her mother. The two women spent a good ten minutes praising Landon, before Piper remembered Abby’s last words.

“Hey Z … Cat’s looking for you. Something about she won and you promised?”

Zoe sighed. “Oh yeah … I’m taking her home with me tonight, and on the way we have to stop at Suzi Q’s and get her a milk shake and chili cheese fries.”

Piper put a hand to her daughter’s forehead and teased. “No … you don’t have a fever … so you’re not delirious and I know you didn’t volunteer … so ... how in the world did you end up on this suicide mission?”

Zoe squirmed like she had when she was Abby’s age. Her voice was barely above a whisper. “I lost playing a game with her in the Waiting Room?”

Piper cringed as she was pretty sure where this was going but needed confirmation. “What game?”

Zoe provided it. “Chutes and Ladders. They had it among the kid’s games and I was just trying to keep her from being bored.”

Piper giggled. “I’m sure you did that. So … how many times did she beat you?”

Zoe’s face dropped. “Every.”

“You know I’ve warned you about playing that game with her … she never loses.”

Zoe immediately went on the defensive. “Nobody’s that good or that lucky. Mom I think she cheats!”

“I’m sure she does,” Piper teased her poor defeated daughter. “So how much are you into her for?”

“Just a night at my place and dinner at Suzi Q’s. She wanted to go double or nothing for a day at the park, but I decided to cut my losses.”

“Smart girl,” Piper consoled Zoe as she put an arm around her shoulder.

Ten minutes later everyone was in the Waiting Room. Lela was taking Samantha home. Abby Cat the hustler was riding with Zoe, and Piper and Leo would ride home alone in “Dances with Miss Kitty”.

Abby Cat was wide awake now, and going on a Coke high she got by sharing another one with her Doggy Dad. She bounced around the room stating the obvious while everyone was getting their jackets and possessions together.

“Zoe is an Aunt … and Lela is an Aunt … and Samantha is an Aunt and Me is an Aunt and …” She stopped when she got to her mom and her dad and then smiled big.

“And now dat Landon is done cooking you get to be gr …”

Fortunately for Cat’s continued good health, Samantha was within in arms distance and quickly capped a hand over her little sister’s perpetual motion mouth. She picked up the squirming sibling and smiled at her parents. “I’m going to walk Zoe and Cat out to the car. See ya at home. Byeeeeee…”

Abby continued to struggle but Sam had a firm hold on her while Zoe pushed the elevator button and tried to keep from laughing. Once the elevator came and the doors closed behind them, Samantha removed her hand from Abby’s mouth and set her on the floor.

Cat glared up at her bigger sister. “Samantha … how come we can’t say the G word to Momma for?”
Samantha looked at Zoe who offered no help. Finally she just shrugged her shoulders. “Honestly, I don’t know. I guess when you’re forty and your daughter has a baby you’ll understand, okay?”

Abby Cat just added this to the growing list of things people were always telling her she’d understand when she got older before she turned her attentions to things she did understand: chili cheese fries and strawberry milkshakes.
Lela caught the next elevator down, leaving Mom and Dog alone once again. Leo offered his beloved an arm. “You ready to go home Babe?”

Piper took the arm and the suggestion and turned toward the elevators. They hadn’t got more than a few steps when she stopped and looked up at her beloved. She pushed out her lip and batted big blue eyes. “Can we go see Landon just one more time? Pleeeeze …”

Leo smiled. His wife was as bad or as good … as the daughters who had a little finger with his name on it. He never had a chance. Without a word of complaint, he led his love back toward the nursery.

When they passed the hallway leading to Sarah’s room, Piper stopped again and her eyes flashed mischief. “Hey … I just thought of something. Why don’t we go tell the Weef that we counted Landon’s toes and he has six on one foot? Considering she’s still half out of it from the drugs, she’ll probably believe us and freak out? What do you think?”
Leo said nothing and then placed his hand on Piper’s head and began weeding through her hair.

Piper pulled back in surprise. “What are you doing?”

Now the mischief was in Leo’s eyes. “Just checking for the little horns that hold up your halo.”

Piper said nothing. She knew for once, Leo had gotten the last word in. She simply took his hand, silently admitting defeat, and continued their journey to see the most beautiful baby boy ever.

No Sad Tears
By Maggie the Kitten

Dream meets reality when Jenny wakes up and finds she is a guest star on her favorite British soap. Will Jenny's dream become reality?

“Hey there Buggles and Buggles of Beverly Hill’s,” came a soft familiar voice through the fog.

Jenny or Jenny Bug as her best friend Cloe called her, sleepy smiled when she heard the voice.

“I think she’s coming round.” A second familiar voice drifted to Jenny.

This one was stronger and deeper and without a doubt belonged to Cloe’s soul mate David. The two were almost always together, so it made perfect sense to Jenny that if Cloe was here, then David would be too.

The question on her mind as she flittered her eyelashes and opened her baby blues was, “Where is here?”

As her eyes found their focus she saw an Earth angel named Cloe smiling down at her, and her tall, handsome protector David standing guard behind her. These things she’d already sussed out while still in the dark, but as the light poured in, she was quite confused by the images it revealed.

David had hair, lots and lots of it in long red curls. Long sideburns traced down his cheeks and he was wearing beads and a tie dyed shirt. Cloe was a blast from the hippie past herself, as her blond hair had grown long and it was held round her forehead by a rainbow band. Her beautiful blue eyes smiled at her through round groovy glasses and Jenny could see the long flowing sleeve of one of those “mother of earth” dresses girls wore during that time.

Even though she couldn’t see them, she instinctively knew both David and Cloe had to be wearing sandals, as the outfits would be incomplete without them. Why her friends were dressed like a pair standing on the corner of Haight and Ashbury she didn’t know, so she tried to take in the bigger picture and discern where she was.

Bright and white and stainless steel glistening was all around her. Sunshine was streaming in large windows. She could see several empty beds across the room. She heard shoes walking across what had to be a tile floor. A beeping sound came at regular intervals. The bed she was lying in was fairly comfortable, but she was oh, so cold.

’Why is it they are always so stingy with blankets especially considering they keep hospital rooms so bloody cold?’ she thought as she tried to snuggle for warmth.

“Hospital room?” she asked in a hoarse whisper.

“Yes, honey,” came confirmation as Cloe lovingly stroked Jenny’s hand. “You’re in hospital, and you’re going to be fine, although … you sure gave your mummy and daddy a good scare.”

“Mummy and Daddy!” Jenny cried as she tried to sit upright but was unable to do so without pain in her right leg.

Cloe too easily caught her and pushed her back down onto the bed with almost no effort. “Hold on there, Little Missy, not so fast! We can’t take you home until Doctor Weatherill says so.”

Jenny resumed her prone position, as if she had much choice, but her mind was up and running with more questions than she could carry. ’Why am I in the hospital?’ seemed a pretty important and logical question but it had just taken a back seat to two others. ’How can Cloe and David, dressed for bit parts on the Mod Squad become my Mummy and Daddy?’, and ’How can my favourite doctor from my favourite soap drama ‘The Royal’ be my real life physician?’

“I see the wee one is finally awake.” Another voice and presence intruded her thoughts and vision and like the first two it was all too familiar.

She didn’t need an introduction; she’d know the lovely, smiling face of Sister Bridgette anywhere. She was the most beautiful red headed Irish nun in all the Catholic faith and like Dr. Weatherill, another regular from her favourite soap.

“Sister Bridgette”, Jenny said with a wide-eyed smile as she tried to reach out and touch what had to be an illusion.

A very warm and soft and definitely real hand caught hers and held it tenderly. “Tis nice to see you awake, Jennifer. Little ones like you should sleep like angels when they’re sick, but then they need to be up and playing like little devils when they’re all better.”

She punctuated her statement by wiggling Jenny’s nose and got a little girl giggle for her efforts.
’Giggle? Did … did I just giggle like a little girl?’ Jenny said silently.

Her eyes focused for the first time on what she could see of herself. Her small hand had nearly been swallowed by the Good Sister’s. Toes too tiny to be hers wiggled on command beneath her blanket. A quick glance around the room and into the faces watching her told her either she was somehow lost in the Land of the Giants, or she was every bit as small as she sounded. She couldn’t trust her eyes or her ears.

It was time to do a quick reality round up, or at least reality as she last left it which was …

Her thoughts frantically searched for the last thing they had on file before she woke up as guest star child actress on The Royal.

Slowly, it started coming back to her. “Friday”, she thought. “Yes, it was Friday, because Mummy … errr … Cloe and I closed the office, just as we always have for the last four years.”

Reality was filling it all in fast. Jenny had been working at Joyce and Covington for over four years. She was an order processor in a computer parts warehouse. The Royal was a British soap opera about a hospital set in the 1960’s and not on her insurance listing for real life in-network facilities. Cloe and David were her co-workers, not her parents. And as sorry as she was to have to admit it, she was a forty two year old post operative transsexual woman, and nobody’s little girl.

Yes, she’d always wished she could be a real life little girl ever since she’d been masquerading as a real life little boy, and yes, once she got to know Cloe, she realized she’d found the real life mummy of her dreams. She’d written stories about those dreams, worked up enough courage to share them with Cloe, and cried in her arms when Cloe said, “I wish I could make them come true for you, my friend, but I can’t. She knew Cloe meant it, because she had been able to see the tears in Cloe’s eyes.

They were beautiful dreams from the heart of a very real little girl trapped inside the body of a tortured transsexual woman, but they were just dreams, impossible dreams that could never come true.

Yet, as Jenny looked around the room, and saw nurses in attire appropriate for the Royal’s setting, felt the cold chill of air on her backside measured against the warmth and soft touch of Cloe’s … no her mummy’s hand, and heard a child’s giggle that couldn’t be hers and yet had to be, she no longer knew what was real anymore.

With all her heart she wanted to believe this setting and the players in it were real. This was everything she’d ever wanted, everything she’d waited a lifetime to have, but could never have. It had to be a dream. Tears welled in her eyes and she trembled as she didn’t know how she would survive once she woke up and realized she’d found heaven and had left it all behind.

Cloe noted the change in her daughter’s demeanour and quickly wrapped arms around her.

“Hey … c’mon now. No sad tears … no sad tears,” she commanded as she cuddled and tried to slip in a small tickle.

Jenny’s new compact version was a perfect fit, and she slipped easily into the cuddle as much needed love and warmth washed over her. She had so longed to feel small in Cloe’s arms. Dream or no dream, this moment was too precious to waste and she clung to her like a limpet.

When she felt a hand gently brush her back. She didn’t have to be able to see who it belonged to. She knew it was “Daddy” letting her know he loved his little girl too.

This was all too much. Jenny was on emotional overload. It was getting to the point she didn’t need know how this was possible. She just wanted to hang on to her Mummy and hope it never ended. Not that she needed anything else to shatter reality, as it was pretty well shot, but another player entered the mix, and like the other three, she was all too familiar.

“Well … it certainly seems like we’re feeling better this morning?” The voice of a British woman interrupted the moment.

Jenny’s first thought was, ‘It can’t possibly be … but then again of course, it has to be.’

She raised her head from Cloe’s shoulder and then wiped the tears from her eyes. A lovely brunette Doctor with beautiful brown eyes holding a clip board was smiling at her. In almost a reflex action, Jenny smiled and reached for her, her own voice rising in pure child’s joy. “Doctor Jill! Doctor Jill!”

Jenny’s mummy, the player formerly known as Cloe, gave way to the doctor. Dr. Jill Weatherill, Jenny’s favourite doctor from the soap opera and in her new reality, took possession of the precious parcel, giving her a hug before easing her back onto the bed.

“Yes, we are definitely feeling better this morning,” she added with that laugh that Jenny had loved for over five seasons.

“She was a bit disoriented when she woke up, Doctor,” David informed her.

“But she’s feeling bright eyed and bushy-tailed now, aren’t you my Buglette?” the beautiful blond mum said to her “happy-to-be-daughter.”

Jenny had about a thousand things she wanted to say and ask at that moment, but when she looked into her mummy’s eyes, only one thing came out. “I’m all better now.”

And considering she had the body she always wanted and belonged to parents she always wanted, no truer words could she have spoken.

Dr. Weatherill noted the novice doctor’s ‘diagnosis’, but still insisted on an examination of her own. She took Jenny’s wrist gently and smiled at her reassuringly while taking her pulse. She then examined her eyes which she pronounced clear and the most beautiful shade of blue which made Jenny blush and giggle like the little girl she’d become.

Jenny wiggled and giggled again as the stethoscope on her bare flat chest was just as cold as it always appeared to be in every episode she’d watched. The doctor listened intently and then turned to face Jenny’s parents.

At first Jenny was a bit miffed Doctor Jill didn’t address her, the patient, but then another part of the new reality sunk in as all conversation went over and around her. She was just a little girl, and aside from being asked if something hurt or being told she’d get a lolly if she didn’t cry when she got a shot, she had to be a silent spectator in it all. Mummy and Daddy were responsible for her. The doctors talked to them, and they made the decisions for her. That was part of being a kid, even if she was a kid who remembered when she hadn’t been one.

Jenny sat back and listened, wondering if they knew she understood more than a kid her age, whatever that exactly was. Regardless, she would gladly accept her new position and the privileges and restrictions that went with it.

“There are no signs of concussion, no broken bones and all her vitals seem normal for a child her age.”

Jenny pouted silently, ’And what age is that?’

Dr. Weatherill continued with her rundown. “I think the worst of it is her right knee.”

’Oh no!’ Jenny shuddered. ’Not my right knee! It was messed up the first time round. I don’t want to be Lady Limpsalot at my Prom.’

“How bad is it?” asked the concerned mum.

The doctor, without as much as an “excuse me please”, pulled back Jenny’s blanket to expose spindly little legs. The right one had a dressing on the knee.

Finally Doctor Jill addressed her patient. “Jenny … we’ve got to show mum and dad your boo boo, and it might hurt a little when I remove the plaster. Can you be my brave princess? I’ll see Nurse Stella gives you a lolly if you don’t cry.”

Then she leaned forward and whispered in Jenny’s ear, “And I’ll see Nurse Stella gives you one even if you do, okay then?”

Jenny nodded and smiled bravely, which was a whole lot easier to do with her Mum holding her hand.

“Hiya Buglette!” came yet another friendly voice. Jenny turned to see the keeper of the lollies, Nurse Stella Davenport herself.

Jenny responded with a weak and unenthusiastic, “Hi Stella” as her eyes stayed focused on her knee and the action going on there.

Jenny never saw Doctor Jill give Stella a look, but Stella did, and she knew that silent bit of communication well. Immediately she set to take Jenny’s mind off her knee and the pain that was about to come. “Buglette? Do you remember when we talked last night?”

Jenny sighed, ’Questions about the past? Which past? The one where I was a middle aged soap slinging warehouse worker, or the one that goes with this present that I know almost nothing about?’

Stella noted her silence, but was undaunted as she leaned down closer to Jenny. “Oh that’s all right, princess. You were pretty tired. I don’t reckon you remember much of anything, but I remember what you told me.”

That got Jenny’s attention. It was a chance to add a few pieces to the puzzle.

“You told me about your cat named Cow, and how much you miss her.”

Cow was Cloe’s cat. Jenny had gotten to know her during her visits to Cloe’s house. She adored the Reubenesque feline, and was glad that she’d been brought along to the new universe Jenny had awakened in.

“And while I couldn’t smuggle her in past Matron, I was able to do the next best thing.”

Jenny’s vision was filled with a fluffy stuffed lion. Her eyes went wide and her smile wider and she took him from Stella and pulled him into her arms.

“Ohhhhhh…Stella he’s purrrrrrrfect!”

Jenny cradled her new baby lovingly, and barely even noticed the sting as Dr. Weatherill removed the plaster.

Cloe turned her attention away from her daughter’s knee just long enough to thank the kind angel of mercy, and then prompted her daughter to do the same.

“Thank you Stella,” Jenny smiled,

“You’re welcome, Buglette,” Nurse Davenport replied with a kiss on Jenny’s forehead.

“Sir Lionheart, that’s what I always called him, was just lying round my room all alone and waiting for a little girl to protect. When I talked to you last night, I just knew you were the one. You’ll give him a good home I’m sure.”

Jenny rocked her new baby as Stella was summoned away by Matron and another blast from the past came back to her. ‘Sir Lionheart? Wait a minute; I had a stuffie named Sir Lionheart. He lived with me in that dreadful little flat down the street from work. Wow! This just gets weirder as it goes.’

“Her knee will heal properly won’t it doctor?” asked David, the concerned dad.

“Yes, of course it will, but it’s going to take some time. I’ll set up some physical therapy for her and she’ll have to wear a brace for a few weeks, but she’ll be right as rain in no time …”

Doctor Jill looked down at Jenny’s chart and then turned her attentions toward her pint-sized patient. “You’re going to have to be a little lady of leisure for a few weeks, but … I promise you’ll be jumping rope and playing hop scotch and be totally recovered in time for your celebration on the 8th of August.”

Jenny stared blankly at the doctor and then looked from parent to parent. “What’s the 8th of August?”

Cloe giggled, “Why it’s your birthday, Buglette. You’re going to be seven. I can’t believe you’ve forgotten it.”

David sighed, “I’ll say. You sure haven’t let us forget it. Maybe Doctor Weatherill needs to examine your head after all.”

He smiled at his daughter and winked to let her know he was only teasing her as normal, but Jenny no longer knew what was normal. In the life she had before, although it was beginning to seem more like a dream, her birthday was the 24th of October, and when that date rolled around again she would be 43. She certainly liked her new birthday and upcoming age much better than the other one, but she was troubled with the date. Everything else in this dream come true seemed to have some tie to her past life, but the 8th of August had no meaning to her. There was nothing significant about that date. It was just the eighth day of the eighth month.

“Eight!” she shouted out loud as the penny dropped.

Cloe looked at her daughter and raised an eyebrow. “No … you’ll be seven. Quit trying to grow up so fast, my Buglette.”

Jenny said nothing. She hid behind Sir Lionheart, glad she’d got away with one and glad she’d figured out the latest riddle. Eight was her lucky number. A fortune teller had told her that once long ago, although up until now she’d never seen any sign of it. Now, as she looked at the calendar on the wall, it was obvious that eight was truly great. Today’s date was the 19th of June, 1965. Doing a little math that was beyond most six year olds, she deduced that in order to turn 7 on the 8th of August, she had to have been born in 1958. That made her official birth date: 8-8 of 58. She couldn’t get much luckier than that.

“Oh, and another thing Miss Jenny.” Dr. Jill waggled a finger in her face. “You be more careful on that bicycle of yours. The next time you decide to play queen of the road with the milk lorry, you might not be so careful.”

Dr. Weatherill punctuated her warning with a smile to let Jenny know it was light hearted, but her words touched something deep and serious within Jenny that set bells ringing in both lives she belonged to.

“I remember now!” Jenny cried out.

And she did. Her other life and the events leading into this new one had been fuzzy and getting more difficult to recall with each passing moment, but now it was all back and crystal clear. Yes, she’d been on her bicycle just as her favourite fantasy physician had said, but there wasn’t any near collision with a milk lorry.

“It was Friday night and … and I was leaving work …” Jenny started softly and slowly.

Cloe and David made quick eye contact and Dr. Weatherill gave her little patient a puzzled stare.

“What? Friday night? I think you’re a bit confused Jenny. You had your nasty little spill on Saturday afternoon, and what’s all this about work?”

Jenny fought the urge to forget and put all her efforts into focusing on memories from the life before.

“It … it was Friday night. I know it was and … and I was leaving work.”

“It was Saturday afternoon. You were leaving the back garden and you did so without my permission,” Cloe tried to gently correct her confused daughter.

A light shined in Jenny’s eyes and she squinted to avoid it.

“Perhaps she does have a concussion.” Dr. Weatherill examined her pupils. “That would explain her confusion.”

“I’m not confused!” Jenny pushed out her lip and folded her small arms against her chest.

“Jenny,” came a stern warning from the normally gentle giant she knew in this life as Daddy.

Jenny relaxed her posture immediately and offered a quick apology to Dr. Weatherill.

“I’m sorry, Doctor Jill.”

The good doctor smiled her acceptance and added a wink just to let Jenny know she was still her favourite patient.

“Cloe,” Jenny said in barely more than a whisper as another link in the memory chain came into focus.

She turned to her mummy and pointed her finger. “Cloe … you were there!”

“And when did you start calling your mum by her first name?” David gave his daughter another stern glare, but this time it didn’t have the same bite.

Jenny reached out and grabbed Cloe’s hand. “You saw me leave work. I … I … was waving to you and … and I was riding my bike.”

Cloe shook her head. “Honey, you weren’t working anywhere. You were playing in the garden and then you slipped out the gate to ride your bicycle on the sidewalk. You never waved at me, and I never saw you or I would have brought you back in and spanked your royal bum, little lady.”

Jenny closed her eyes and the scene that mummy … no Cloe …had just painted for her replayed in her mind. She could see it clearly now. She remembered having to stack the bricks by the gate so she could reach the latch and make her escape. She had only wanted to ride her bike and it was too hard to do it on the grass in the garden. Emily, her best friend next door, was out front riding her bike. It wasn’t fair that Daddy said she couldn’t play outside unless Mummy was watching. She wasn’t going to get hurt. She was a big girl.”

Jenny’s eyes opened suddenly. She really was a big girl. She was six foot tall! The old reality chased away the new one Cloe had given her. Once again it was Friday night. She was riding out of the parking lot from work. She so hated saying goodbye to her best friend. Normally she would sit there and watch Cloe until her black Mazda was out of sight, but not this time. Cloe had shooed her away and told her it was too cold for her to hang around. Of course it was too cold. It was early March. She shuddered. She hated the cold. Why are hospitals so cold? She wanted Mummy to hold her and make her warm but she couldn’t give into that. She had to keep thinking, keep remembering. She couldn’t let anything distract her, even the never ending beeping of that hospital monitor.

Tears … yes tears were in her eyes when she rode off. She so wanted to go home with Cloe. She couldn’t just look away. If she looked away, then Mummy would be gone for the whole weekend. She had to keep watching her, draining the last few seconds to help sustain her for the terrible two days ahead. She was smiling and waving and … and not watching where she was going. The truck seemed to come out of nowhere. How could it have gotten there so fast? She heard the horn before she saw it and when she finally saw it, it was too late.”

“Earth to Buglette,” teased Cloe as she added a playful poke to be sure she was making contact.

Jenny returned to the new reality just in time to escape sure death in the other. She lunged for the safest, warmest place in any reality, her mummy’s arms. Cloe caught the flying bundle and cuddled her as tears came in sobs.

“It’s gonna hit me. It’s gonna hit me. I don’t wanna die!” she cried.

Cloe rocked her frightened child. “Here … here now. Shhh … It’s going to be alright. Mummy’s got you. She won’t let anything hurt you.”

Dr. Weatherill turned to David who was standing by looking concerned but also helpless.

“It’s just shock from the accident, poor thing. It’s like waking up from a really bad dream. She’s frightened and confused, but she’ll be alright. She just needs a little rest and a lot of love.”

“Is that a prescription?” David asked with that sexy grin Cloe so loved.

Dr. Weatherill was not immune to his charms and blushed ever so slightly when she replied. “It’s my favourite prescription, especially for little ones. It works loads better than any pill I can push.”

Cloe cradled her daughter and continued to comfort her. “You don’t have to be scared any more. It’s all over now. Daddy and I are going to take you home. You do want to go home, don’t you?”

Jenny looked up, tears still falling freely from her eyes, her mind a jumble of thoughts, but one broke through. “I do … I do wanna go home, Mummy.”

She did want to go home. She couldn’t wait to get home. She loved being home. It was warm and safe there. A cold chill went through her. She so hated being cold. Home … home … she wanted to go home more than anything. At home she could run and play and she hardly ever got in trouble as long as she stayed in the garden. She loved her room. It was so pretty. It was a room fit for a princess and when she rode on her Daddy’s shoulders she truly felt like royalty. Food … she was hungry. When she got home Mummy would fix her something special, maybe grilled cheese! Mummy always fixed her something special when she came back from seeing the doctor, especially if she’d been really good and she’d been pretty good, except …except for sneaking out the garden gate.

“Mummy … it’s all my fault.” Jenny was wracked with guilt and it came out mixed with tears.
“I shoulda never left the garden.”

Cloe brushed the locks from Jenny’s face. “It’s okay, baby. It’s all over now. Mummy’s not mad. Let’s just forget all about it and go home.”

Cloe gave her little one a wink and tempted her. “I’ll fix you a grilled cheese sandwich and you can help. Okay? Now no more talk about the accident or milk lorries.”

Jenny wanted that sandwich and that reassurance and she reached for it, but the big truck returned and once again she was in harms way. It was like a giant green 18 wheel whale about to swallow her whole. The silver grill on the front was like teeth ready to chew her up. It was on her and there was no time to get out of the way. She turned back to Cloe. She wanted Cloe. She … she saw her. She called to her.

“Cloe!” she screamed. It was the last thing she remembered from the past reality and this time she made every head in the ward turn.

“What’s wrong?” Cloe said with wide frightened eyes. David, Dr. Weatherill and Nurse Davenport were all quickly at Jenny’s bedside.

Jenny shook her head. “It wasn’t a milk lorry! It wasn’t a milk lorry! It was a semi-truck and I was at work and … and … you were there, Cloe.”

Cloe dropped her head and David laid a comforting hand on his beloved’s shoulder.

“I’m not a little girl. You’re not my parents and this …” Jenny waved her arms around. “All of this can’t be real. Oh my dear G_d would I give anything for it to be real, but … it … it can’t be. It just can’t be.”

Cloe sighed sadly. “You’re right, Jenny Bug. You weren’t playing in the garden. You didn’t sneak out the gate and you weren’t almost run over by the milk lorry … errr … truck.”

Jenny’s mouth fell open. Gone was the dream and along with it, Cloe’s beautiful British accent.

David gave a relieved sigh. “I really hated talking with that accent.”

Jenny looked to Cloe for more answers and received them. “And as you have probably figured out … this is not 1965 and this is not your favourite British soap come to life.”

Jenny turned to the smiling face of her favourite physician. “Then … then you’re not really Dr. Weatherill?”

Good Dr. Jill gave her a wink. “Oh I’m Dr. Jill Weatherill alright, just as Nurse Stella and Sister Bridgette are who they are and this grand old hospital is the Royal, but none of us are real. We’re just characters on a telly show.”

The good doctor leaned over and gave Jenny a very real feeling kiss on her forehead.

“Sorry Cloe.” She said with a sad smile. “I really thought we had her for a moment, but she’s one very smart little girl, maybe too smart for her own good.”

Jenny stared in disbelief as Nurse Stella blew her a kiss and then the characters of the Royal just disappeared, leaving only Cloe and David at Jenny’s bedside and Jenny with more questions that Cloe tried to answer.

Cloe took Jenny’s hand in hers. “Everything about Friday night happened just the way you remembered. I sent you off with your usual weekend hug. I told you to be careful, which like most kids, you totally ignored. You got all weepy on me and wobbled your bike through the gates. I saw you waving at me and I returned the wave. It was then I saw the truck come round the corner and I knew you didn’t. You were still watching me through those tear filled eyes, instead of paying attention to where you were going or more aptly what was coming.”

Jenny sat bolt upright. “Then I was right. It was a big green whale … errr … semi that came out of nowhere!”

Cloe nodded silently.

“And I didn’t have time to get out of the way which means …”The cold reality of what that meant sunk in and suddenly Jenny had an explanation to the beautiful fantasy she was living.

“Oh my G_d. I didn’t have time to get out of the way and that means I hit the truck or well … it hit me but either way … I end up dead, and if I’m dead … then … then this must be heaven?”

Jenny looked at her still small hand being held in Cloe’s and the two people she’d rather have as parents above all others and then smiled. “Oh yeah … this has to be heaven.”

Cloe shook her head. “No my Buglette. You’re not dead ,and this is not heaven.”

“But … but the semi-truck. I … I didn’t have time get my bike out of the way. It had to hit me and there’s no way I could have survived.”

“That’s right Bug. If the truck would’ve hit you, it would’ve killed you, but … think back. Think back to the last thing … the very last thing you remember.”

Jenny closed her eyes and drifted back. She was on her bicycle again. Tears were in her eyes. She could hardly see Cloe in the parking lot. She could hardly see anything and then suddenly she was face to face with 40,000 pounds of steel and chrome. She couldn’t get out of the way. She turned back to Cloe. She called for her and then … and then. Her eyes went wide.

“Someone lifted me off my bike. I … I felt like arms just picked me up and …pulled me aside.”

Jenny looked to David who had taken a seat on the edge of her bed. David shook his head to let her know the brave knight hadn’t rescued her from sure death. His gentle nod in Cloe’s direction let Jenny know that the queen had saved the damsel in distress.

“You … you saved me? But … how? You were forty … more like fifty yards away. How could you have saved me?”

Cloe shrugged her shoulders. “Honestly, I don’t know how I did it. I think it’s some sort of gift I have.”

Jenny’s eyes smiled. “You mean like magic or witchcraft?”

“Hold on there, Little Missy. Don’t let that imagination of yours get going. I may have brought the Royal to life for you, but I’m no real life spellslinger like Samantha from Bewitched, or Prue Halliwell from Charmed. I’m a totally mortal girl who has a gift, but until Friday night, I never realized just how powerful that gift was.”

Jenny shook her head. “I don’t understand Mummy … errr … Cloe”.

A smile turned at Cloe’s lip that said she would answer to either name. “And I don’t understand either,” she confessed. I never really have. All I can tell you is that when I was a little girl, not much older than you are. I discovered that I could move things with my mind.”

“You mean like tele … tele …kneez …”

“Telekinesis”, David gently corrected and Cloe confirmed.

“Now they were just little things like pebbles or leaves or pencils, and I couldn’t always do it. It was really kind of funny. If I sat and concentrated on something, most of the time I couldn’t move it an inch, but if I was just walking along and suddenly saw a falling leaf, sometimes I could call for it and it would come to me, or if I got frustrated trying to write something, the paper would shoot off my desk and the pencil would break without any pressure from me. Like I said, it’s hardly prime time witchcraft.”

Jenny slowly put the puzzle together. “You mean you used your mind … your gift … to lift me off my bike like I was a hundred and forty pound falling leaf?”

Cloe shrugged her shoulders. “Pretty much. I mean, when I saw that truck heading for you and I knew you couldn’t get out of the way … I just reached for you. I had to protect you. It was well … almost instinct.”

“Maternal instinct”, David said in a whisper to Jenny that was just loud enough for Cloe to catch.

Jenny smiled wide and Cloe gave David “the look”, but it was only in play as she knew in her heart he was right.

“Was it really maternal instinct? Honest?” Jenny fished for the answer she so longed to hear.

Cloe smiled and gave it to her, “I guess so.”

“Yeah!” Jenny squealed and bounced in her bed. Both Cloe and David rolled their eyes.

“I can’t think of any other explanation,” Cloe continued. “You always known I’ve loved you, Bug, and that means all of you, even that little girl who had always been an innie with no chance of being an outie. She … you … have always touched the maternal instinct in me. There were times when I left you in that parking lot that it was all I could do to keep from turning back round and opening the car door and telling you to get your bony little bum in the seat.”

Tears started welling in Jenny’s eyes.

“Hey … hey … hey! You know the rules. No sad tears … no sad tears!” Cloe tried to coax a smile from her.

Jenny Bug sniffled back tears of joy and gave her best brave smile.

Cloe shook her head and wiped a tear from Jenny’s cheek. “Bug … if I could have given you your dream I would have the first time you shared it with me, and even though I think you’re crazy for wanting to be my daughter, I’d of adopted you right on the spot, but I couldn’t. There was nothing I could do.”

“Until Friday night,” David quickly added.

“Yes …until Friday night and then well …it was like my power was a hundred, no, thousands of times greater than it had ever been. It was like those stories where mothers lift cars off their children after an accident. I saw someone, someone I loved like a daughter in harm’s way and … well … I just had to protect you. Honestly … I don’t know how I really did it. I’m just glad I could.”

“Me too”, sang Jenny as she reached out to the woman she loved as her mom. Cloe immediately pulled her in for a cuddle.

Jenny Bug was truly a hug monster and the last thing she wanted to do was let go, but she still had questions that needed answering.

“I understand you saved me even if I’m not exactly sure how … but … but … what’s all this?”

“All this?” Cloe gave her little one a puzzled look.

“You know … “Jenny Bug waved her arms around the room. “All this!”

“Well ….” she started in her best Samantha from Bewitched. “That’s another little gift I have but it’s far less mystical than the first one. It’s really just the power of suggestion. It was something my Grandmother passed on to me. When I was a little girl, she used to tell me these amazing stories before bedtime and I swear to you, those stories seemed so real that I would drift off to sleep believing I’d really been to the places she told me of. I’d wake up the next morning still thinking I’d been through the Looking Glass and any other place she took me.”

“But it was just a fantasy, right?”

Cloe smiled as the memories of those days so long ago were still just as fresh and vivid. “Yes Bug. It was just a fantasy, an illusion, but … when that fantasy is woven by a master story teller who knows exactly what a sleepy little girl wants to hear and see, well … you might be surprised by just how real it all seems. I’ve used this little trick on all three of my daughters when they were little. Emily used to wake up and check her bed for sea weed after I took her swimming under the sea with the Little Mermaid.”

Jenny looked round the empty hospital ward which was an exact replica of the one she had watched every Saturday night for the last five years. They say seeing is believing, and what she saw she certainly had believed right down to Sister Bridgette’s Irish accent and the cold in the room that had her shivering and wishing for another blanket. The only thing missing was the 60’s British pop music they played in the background.

“Oh I’m surprised all right,” Jenny admitted as she half expected Matron to come through the ward doors at any time.

“This is all so real it’s … its unreal … if that makes any sense.”

The exchange of smiles between David and Cloe said they understood.

“But I’m still really confused I mean … am I sleeping right now? And if I am sleeping, where am I sleeping? And why? Why did you create all this? I really think it’s neat. You know how much I love The Royal, but why … why do all this?”

“All good questions my Buglette, now let’s see if we,” she gave her co-conspirator a wink, “can give you a few good answers.”

Jenny noticed the wink and turned toward David for the first answer. David squirmed a bit uncomfortably and latched onto the easiest question first. “You’re not exactly sleeping. It’s more like you’re resting.”

Jenny waited for further clarification, and when she received none she turned back to the wise oracle.

“David’s right. You aren’t exactly sleeping. You’re sort of resting, and as to where you’re resting … well I think I’ll skip over that one and deal with the last question first. Why did I do it? Why did I recreate one of your favourite television programs for you to wake up in? Well … there are a couple of reasons. One, I wanted something to distract you from the trauma of your brush with death. As we both know, you tend to be a bit of a drama princess, and I thought waking up in one of your favourite fantasies would take your mind off the horrible reality you’d just endured.”

“And …,” David gently prompted his beloved.

“And …” Cloe shot him half a look before turning back to Jenny, “I was hoping to distract you enough, that if you had any recollection of how I actually rescued you … it would become so mingled with the fantasy world of the Royal, that when you finally awoke from your resting and returned to reality, you wouldn’t know what had been a dream and what had been real. Unfortunately … reality slipped in and refused to let the Royal I built stand.”

Cloe sighed and then shot David a cool glance. “Of course if I’d gone with my first fantasy choice, like I wanted to, I think you would have been so entranced by it that I could have pulled it off, but somebody refused to play along.”

“Your first choice?” Jenny’s eyes sparkled. “What was your first choice?”

David ignored the little one in the middle. “I didn’t refuse. I just didn’t want to play that part.”

“What part?” Jenny cried, but again was ignored.

“You could’ve had the other part if you wanted to, but you’d had to do a lot more background research or Jenny wouldn’t have been fooled. As it was, I was up for the better part of three days watching Royal episodes to be sure I got it right, and we were just background players in this. You would have had a mountain of videos and books to go over before you could have pulled off being the doctor.”

“Doctor? Doctor who?” Jenny finally shouted loud enough to make herself heard.

“Cloe looked down and smiled, “Exactly!”

“What?”

“No Bug, you had it right the first time round. Not what, but who … Doctor Who.”

“Ohhhhhh…,” the penny finally dropped for Jenny. “You were really going to make the Doctor come alive for me, with the Tardis and K-9, and Daleks and everything?”

“If I could’ve of … Of course I don’t know what half those things you just mentioned are. Like I said, I would have had to do a crash course on this Doctor Who of yours, but I’d of done my best to make it real for you. And if someone would have played along, I still think it would have worked.”

David folded his arms and looked like a petulant little boy. “I’m not playing the Doctor’s companion. I know enough about the show to know that most of his companion’s were girls.”

“And I told you that you could have been a male companion. This Doctor had male companions, just like there were female Doctors, right Bug?”

Jenny truly felt like a tiny rose between two thorns. Meekly she agreed with Cloe that she was right on both accounts.

David pouted. “Hey I agreed to do this whole Royal thing didn’t I? I did the British accent and I even wore these ridiculous hippie clothes.” David pulled at the colourful sleeve of his very 60’s attire which made both Cloe and Jenny stifle giggles...

“And you know I’d do almost anything for you, and even for you.” His gaze dropped down to Jenny level. “But I have limits and well … I’m not being anyone’s male companion! It’s … it’s … just well … it sounds gay!”

Of course the look on David’s face and the pose he’d unknowingly set seemed anything but macho masculine at the moment and neither girl could stifle the giggles any longer. Once the laughter cut loose, David knew he had been bested, and had no choice but to join along and laugh at him self. He had to admit. It was funny.

Once the laughter subsided, a little of the fog lifted for Jenny. “I think I understand now. Yeah … I see how you didn’t want me to freak out when I remembered the accident, and it almost worked. For a little bit, I really thought I was at the Royal and … and that you two were my parents and I was so happy, but … you also didn’t really want me to remember how you saved me, because you were worried I might tell someone. I mean, that is a pretty amazing gift, and if your secret got out, you’d have people hounding you all the time over it. Well … I just want you to know. I promise you I won’t tell anyone. Honest I won’t.”

Cloe smiled and ruffled Jenny Bug’s curly reddish locks. “I know you won’t, my Buglette, but even if you did … do you really think anyone’s going to believe you?”

Jenny thought for a moment and shook her head. Even in the real world where she was an adult, no one would believe such a story if she shared it. They might not be able to explain how Jenny had been swept away at the last second from being a front bumper sticker on a Peterbilt, but they certainly wouldn’t believe it was some magical gift that Cloe had, bolstered by her maternal instinct for a forty two year old post operative transsexual.

Tears welled in Jenny’s eyes, as reality started to sink in.

David offered a comforting arm around the sad little one. “Hey, what’s with the waterworks?”

“I’m really … really happy that you and Mum … errr … Cloe did all this for me.”

“Yes I can see,” Cloe gave her little drama princess a wry smile. “But you might want to try and hold down the laughter. You’re liable to wake up the stiffs in the morgue.”

Cloe went fishing for a smile, but couldn’t get a nibble from the sniffling little girl.

“You … you saved my life. Nobody else could’ve done what you did and then you made magic for me.” Jenny waved her arm at the empty ward room plucked from British television.

“I’m glad I was there, Jenny and I’m glad my gift came through for you when we both needed it most, but as for all of this, I already told you, it isn’t magic. It’s just the power of suggestion mixed with the mind of a sleepy little girl who still believes in fairy tales”

“Well … it’s magic to me!” A small smile peeked out from the small girl.

Cloe looked lovingly at the little one snuggled close to her. “Yeah Bug, for a little girl like you, I guess it really is magic.”

Cloe had given Jenny the greatest compliment she could ever receive. She’d called her a little girl, even though she knew that back in the real world, Jenny was nearly forty years past that. The tear tap started going again.

Cloe reached for a Kleenex on the table by Jenny’s bed. “Oh for heaven’s, sakes. You’re worse than all of my girls put together.”

Jenny took the Kleenex and tried to slow down the flood, but the gates were open now.

“I’m sorry … but … but … I wish all of … of this didn’t have to end, cause I … I don’t wanna go back. I know I gotta go back but … but … bein here with both of you … and bein like this … is … is everything I always wanted … and I don’t want to go back. I’m sorry … I just wish it was this way for … for real.”

“You have to go home, Jenny,” David tried to be a gentle voice of reason and reality. “You can’t stay here. Not only is it not real but … no matter how much I love you, I am NOT going to be your groovy hippie daddy with a British accent.”

“Your flower power father,” Cloe gently teased, “is right. You can’t stay here, but … if you really want to come back and visit, I’m sure we can sneak you past the Matron on another sleepy night.”

Jenny nodded, but the tears continued flow freely.

Cloe reached for more Kleenex. “Gee girl. I knew you really liked this soap opera, but I didn’t think you were that attached to it.”

Jenny shook her head and then blew her nose. “It’s not the Royal. It’s … it’s ….me … this me … this me that’s a little girl, and best of all … she’s your little girl! Here I’m your daughter and … and I belong to you and you love me and I get to go home. I get to go home with you and be part of a real family. But … but this isn’t real, and when I’m back in the real world … everything will be gone, and … and … I won’t be your little girl no more. I’ll be old and all by myself again and … and Friday will come and I’ll have to … to sit on my bicycle and watch you go home and I won’t get to go cause … cause …it won’t be my home and my family. I won’t belong no more. I won’t be your daughter."

Jenny latched onto Cloe, desperately wanting to cling to her and this beautiful fantasy. “Mummy please …I don’t want it to be like that any more. I don’t want me to be like that no more. The only thing I ever wanted was to be your little girl and now … now that I am … I don’t want it to go away. Please! Please! I don’t want it to go away”.

Cloe held the sobbing child in her arms and lovingly rocked her. Her voice was soft and calming. “C’mon now. Remember Mummy’s rule: No sad tears …”

Jenny continued to cry and hang on for dear life.

“Okay, little octopus”, she said hoping to stem the tide of tears and she pried herself away from Jenny’s clutches. “We were saving the best surprise for last, but your little drama queen gene went into overdrive, so I guess we better tell you the news or you’re going to make England an underwater kingdom.”

Jenny was still choking tears and staying as close to Cloe as she could get but she was listening.

“As you know, the Royal Free Hospital, the characters on the show, my hip chick sandals, and David’s groovy sideburns …” She gave her love a wink. “Are all fantasy creations, but the three of us are quite real.”

Jenny nodded as sniffled back tears. “I … I know we are real people, and when I wake up from resting, you will still sorta look the same and … and David,” she turned to face her funky father, “You will kinda look the same too, but I won’t. I won’t have this body you gave me and then I won’t have the life that goes with it and then … and then.”

“Oh no not again!” David took Bug and matters into his own hands. “This is your real body now. This is not a fantasy. I promise you get to keep it when you’re wide awake and back to the 21st century,” David looked down at the beads hanging from his neck and quickly added, “which won’t be soon enough for me.”

Jenny Bug’s mouth fell open. Cloe giggled as Bug reminded her of a baby bird, ready and waiting for Mummy to bring home take away worm.

Cloe answered the question; her little girl couldn’t find the power of speech to ask, “Yes, what David said is true. This is your real body, a keeper body. It’s real from that wiry mop and freckled nose to that sore knee, sorry about that, and cute little toes.”

David gave his beloved a painful grimace. “Cute little toes?”

Cloe shrugged her shoulders, “Hey, I thought it was a nice touch. You know … a little poetry.”

“Very little”, David rolled his eyes.

“I’m real?” came a soft voice, barely audible over the current battle of jabs and jibes.

When it came the second time it was a declarative statement and quite a bit louder.
I’m real!”

Cloe smiled and nodded her affirmation.

“I’m real! … I’m really real!” Jenny began poking and pinching and wiggling and bouncing.

“I’m real and you’re real, “she pointed at David for confirmation and got the same silent nod Cloe had given earlier, “and you’re real,” she turned back to Cloe.

“Yes Bug, I’m real … everyone here is real. I think we have that established, okay?” She gently teased.

“This is my body now and I get to keep it, right?”

“Yes Bug.”

“And I don’t have to give it back when I wake up?”

“No Bug,” she felt her patience being taxed. “I promise we won’t take you to the return desk at Macy’s, and besides, I don’t have a receipt for you anyway.”

“Huh?” Jenny Bug’s baby blues stared up helplessly at Cloe.

“Buglette,” she slowed it down and made eye contact. “Read Mummy’s lips. This is your real, honest to good, for better or for worse, genuine, no one can take it away from you, absolutely authentic, in all worlds real or fantasy, and guaranteed to last until the onset of puberty, little girl body you always wanted. Now do you get it?”

Bug smiled back at her, “I’m real!”

“By George I believe she’s got it!” David gave it his best Henry Higgins.

The freshly minted daughter pounced into her mummy’s arms and showed her appreciation in kisses and hugs.

“Oh … and yes, the body does come with a new address, two parents and assorted siblings,” Cloe couldn’t resist as she weathered the attack. “Your own cage, merciless teasing by your sisters and … whatever mental and physical abuse your father and I can dole out until you are 18 is also cheerfully provided free of charge.”

David laughed and shook his head. He loved everything about Cloe and her wry sense of humour was among his favourites. Cloe’s ‘A’ material however was lost on the little girl in her arms who had already heard everything she needed to hear. She was in her mummy’s arms, she was real and she was going home. What else really mattered? Nothing else mattered to the little girl, who had everything she ever wanted, but one questioned teased her and finally curiosity got the better of the kitten.

“How?”

“How what?” Cloe gave her little one a puzzled look
l
“How did I get this body, this real body?” Jenny looked first to Cloe and then to David who made it quite clear he was not the responsible party. “Hey, I’m just the innocent bystander here. Go ask your mom.”

Jenny turned back to Cloe who made some quip about how often David uses that escape clause, before collecting her thoughts to answer the question she knew would come sooner or later.

“Bug, when you ask me about where babies come from or what’s going to happen to your body when your first period comes, I’ll have stacks of videos and books ready to answer almost any question you can put to me, but … trying to answer how the pint-sized version of you got here, well … that’s not so easy. However, I’ll tell you what happened and what I think happened, okay?”

Bug nodded and settled in comfortably.

Cloe let out a sigh and after getting an encouraging smile from David, began. “When I saw you about to be hit by the truck, the only thought in my mind was getting someone I love very much out of harm’s way. You know I do love you. And yes, part of that love I feel for you has always been for that little girl who is so much a part of you. And yes, she pulls on my maternal instinct and has ever since the night I read the first Kitten tale you shared with me. I’ve told you many times I have often treated you the same as I would any of my girls, and I’ve also told you that if I had the power to give you what you want, I would ask you twice and if you still wanted it, I would have given it to you.”

Jenny Bug hugged her new mummy. “I know that. You’ve told me those things lots of times and I believed them with all my heart, even if I was always asking you to tell me again.”

“Well … what I’m about to tell you might not be easy to believe but I promise you it’s the truth. As I said, when I saw you about to be hit by the truck, the only thought in my mind was getting someone I love very much out of harm’s way. Now it all happened so fast, but in that split second I felt as though I reached out and grabbed you, and when I say ‘you’ I mean that part of you that I loved that was never defined by the body that housed it.”

Jenny’s eyes went wide. “You mean you pulled the little girl right out my skin?”

Cloe chuckled, “Evidently so, although I didn’t realize it straight off. All I saw was a shadow fly through the air and then the truck hit your bike. I didn’t even know for sure that I had got you away safe until I ran across the railroad tracks and found you there in the grass with no signs of the lanky lady I’d called friend for over four years.”

“And I looked like I do now?”

“Pretty much … except you were out cold, and that knee of yours was twisted up pretty bad. Oh, I’m sorry about that, I guess your Momma doesn’t know her own strength when it comes to the kid toss”

Jenny smiled to let her know she didn’t mind the less than perfect landing.

“Were you sure it was really me? I mean I do look a little different now?” Jenny added with a giggle.

Cloe rolled her eyes. “Oh I knew it was you straight away. Considering how many of your stories I’ve read, I knew your description by heart.”

“And the fact you were swimming in a gray dress that used to be your work shirt, probably gave her a pretty good clue too,” David couldn’t resist adding.

“So what happened then?” Jenny bounced excitedly.

“Well … the first thing I did was make sure you were still breathing, which you were and then I had to think fast because the truck driver that had made a bumper sticker out of Lady Jane was heading my way in a trot. He was as shook up as I was, and scared to death he’d killed you. I picked you up and woke you to show him that you were still in the land of the living. Fortunately you didn’t say anything that I couldn’t talk my way out of, and that calmed him down a little. Turns out he was a rookie, and the last thing he needed was to have to report an accident, which happened to work out quite well for me, because the last thing I wanted to do was explain who you were to the police and the hospital. They would have had me locked up in the mental ward and you in social services quicker than you could say, ‘committed’.”

“Then what did you do?”

“Hang on, Missy. As I said, he wasn’t looking for trouble and neither was I, so we mutually agreed that no one needed to call insurance agencies, police or an ambulance. We’d both just walk away and pretend it never happened, although he felt so bad about trashing Lady Jane that he insisted on giving me $50 dollars. Rather than argue, I just accepted it, promised him I’d put it in your college fund and tried to get us both out of there while our luck was holding.”

Jenny shook her head and sighed. “I don’t remember none of that. Not a single thing.”

“Probably shock,” David also known as Doctor Daddy, diagnosed. “The stress your body went through to change like that had to be incredible. I can’t even imagine the amount of emotional and mental stress. It’s probably a blessing you slept through most of it and have no memories. But I am curious … What’s the first thing you remember after the accident?”

Jenny thought for a moment, “I … I guess waking up here. It does kinda seem like maybe I was dreaming, but I don’t remember that so good. Voices and noises and … and …being too cold.”

Jenny shivered as she huddled closer to Cloe for warmth. “And I’m still too cold and I still hear the beeping.”

Cloe gave her daughter a concerned look and checked her forehead. “You’re not fevered, but your hands are cold. And as for the beeping … I haven’t a clue. It could be background noise from the real world.”

Cloe reached over to the next bed and pulled the blanket off it. “Here, snuggle like a Buggle under this. That should warm you up.”

“Then you don’t remember Cloe bringing you to my place after the accident?” David continued to try and probe Jenny’s memory.

Jenny shook her head as she searched for warmth and then turned to Cloe “How come you didn’t take me home?”

“I take it you mean to Chez Nicholas?”

Jenny confirmed with a nod.

“Well … your father’s place was closer; I hadn’t had time to come up with a kid friendly truth to tell the girls about their new little sister. I didn’t think they would buy that Papa John’s was giving away a free kid with every family pizza deal. And … while I know you had just gone through a very stressful experience and would need me when you woke up, I’d gone through my half of it too, and I needed David while I was awake and still barely sane.”

Cloe loving smiled at her brave knight who had always been there and this time was no exception. He’d been a calming voice on her cell as she drove to his place and tried to explain the unexplainable, unbelievable event that had just happened. He was there when she pulled into his parking lot. He gave her what she needed most when she arrived: that smile of his that said everything would be alright, the look in his eyes that he believed the unbelievable without question and then the feel of his strong arms around her. Once he’d steadied the fair princess, he scooped up the little one and carried her in while Cloe continued to get him up to speed.

“Is … is that where I’m resting at now for real? At your place Da… errr … David?”

David gave that knee weakening smile of his to Jenny who blushed as any princess of any age would do. It was his silent way of giving her permission to call him what she felt for him in her heart.”

“Yes … in the real world, you are currently camped out on my bed and Dale is standing guard, asleep at his post as usual. Your mother and I are at your bedside and everyone else is in the living room, probably destroying my game system.”

Jenny sat up straight. “Who’s everyone else?”

Cloe fielded that one. “David’s twins and my girls except for Emily who is at Chez Nicholas fixing up a bedroom for her new little sister.”

“You mean Emily knows about me?” Jenny’s eyes went wide as she shivered but this time it wasn’t from the cold.

“Well yeah! We weren’t planning on keeping you in my bedroom until you were old enough to send off to college. Your sisters need to know they have fresh meat in the house, and I’d like my bed back, thank you very much.”

David gave Cloe a sexy look that let her know just how much he wanted his bed back and who he wanted to share it with.

“Sisters … I got sisters!” Jenny said half in disbelief and half in pure joy.

“That you do,” Cloe confirmed. “My four girls and David’s twins. Poor David, he’s just drowning in a sea of estrogens.”

David whimpered like the “Dog” he was nicknamed after, while Jenny continued to take it all in. “I hope they like me. I’m going to be the best sister to them ever.”

Cloe shook her head and looked at her beloved. “How long do you think that Susie Sunshine routine is going to last with your twins?”

“They’ll eat her alive before the weekend’s over. And what about your fearsome foursome?”

Cloe mulled it over a moment. “Well … she’ll probably do alright with Emily and Tina. They're a pair of pushovers, but Erin’s going to think Christmas has come early. She’s gonna feed Jenny so much crap and have her taking the blame for everything but leaving the toilet seat up. And Samantha … well, Jenny’s knocking her off the princess pedestal since she’s the youngest. I doubt that will set well with her. It could get ugly.”

Jenny’s baby blues started to tear up. “But … but I wanted them to love me. I’m going to love them.”

Cloe handed her a Kleenex. “Two things … One, tears will get you nowhere with anyone save for your daddy. I’m immune to them, and among your enemy sisterhood it will only be a sign of weakness. And two … of course they will love you, you’re their sister, but of course they will aggravate you and tease you and fight with you and drive you crazy, because … they are your sisters.”

Jenny looked a bit confused and Cloe tried to take the rose coloured veil from her eyes. “Jenny I’ve tried to tell you so many times before during our long evening talks when you’d get all flutterpated about how beautiful and perfect life at Chez Nicholas is. Yes, there really are some special moments that are borderline Hallmark, but 98% of time it’s nothing like the Gilmore Girls or Eight is Enough. It’s a bunch of girls fighting over the bathroom mirror, and me hollering at them to get up, or to go to bed, or to wash a dish, or to clear a path through their bedroom so it’s not a fire hazard. It’s … it’s not that special. It’s just real everyday life, with no magic, no sugar coatings and no guaranteed happy endings. You’ll be a girl in a girl’s body which I know is going to make your life better, but aside from that, all bets are off. You’re just going to be another tax deduction scrambling for the last piece of pizza.”

“She right, Bug,” David added confirmation. “I’ve read a few of your stories, and well I thought they were pretty good. They made me laugh, they made me think and I felt honoured that you’d want me for a father. You have a good imagination. I hope that’s something you will carry into this life, but your mom’s right. When you wake up and get out there into the real world of a seven year old, you’re going to get those rose coloured shades of yours knocked off the first time you hit the playground, and there won’t be anything Cloe or I can do to make it easier for you. We have to treat you the same, and that’s the true reality.”

Jenny stared at the window and watched faux 60’s sunshine stream through it. “I kinda think I understand. I mean, I know being a kid is hard, even when you’re not transgender and you have the best parents in the whole world. I know sometimes I did make something beautiful out of something that was just plain old everyday to you and your girls, but it was beautiful to me, because I never had it everyday. With me it feels like being an orphan who’s had her nose pushed against the glass for forty years, watching other kids live the life she could only dream of. And now you’re bringing me inside where it’s warm and safe and giving me a chance to be a part. Doesn’t it make sense that the simplest little things that are almost meaningless to you would be almost magic to me?

Cloe’s eyes met with David’s as they weighed their daughter’s words. Cloe spoke for both of them. “Yeah … I suppose you’re entitled to a little protection under the “new kid in the house” rule. I’ll try to get the girls to take it easy on you, but you’ll have to get this whole wide-eyed Pollyanna routine of yours out of your system within two weeks. After that I can’t be responsible for damages.”

“That’s the same deal I have to offer you with my twins.” David stood with Cloe in a united parental front. “Look … you say in your stories you just want to be a real kid. Well … like it or not you got your wish. Expect your sisters to treat you like a real little sister. Expect us to treat you like our seven year old daughter, and we expect you to act like the selfish, thankless brat who takes all these beautiful moments you’re so fond of and eats them up without a second thought and complains when she doesn’t get more. That’s real life, a kid’s real life, your real life.”

Jenny looked from parent to parent. “But ... am I really real? I mean, I know I look real, right?”

Cloe produced a hand mirror from Jenny’s nightstand and she got her first real look at the new real her. “Wow …,” she gasped.

“Yeah, that was what I said the first time I saw you, only I added a few more colorful metaphors I’d better not hear coming from your mouth,” Cloe added with a grin.

The reddish blond hair, the blue eyes, the freckles, the small … everything. Yes, Jenny knew she had the real body, and she’d always had the real spirit, but what about the mind? Immediately she began searching the data base for old memory.

“I … still remember me. You know … the me from before. I … I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. In a way I don’t want to forget the good times we shared, and if I forget all the bad times, I’m afraid maybe I won’t appreciate how lucky I am to be a kid, but I don’t want it to get in the way, either.”

Jenny felt another cold chill that penetrated two layers of blanket. “Am I going to always remember my life before or am I going to forget it?”

Cloe wrapped her arm around the shivering child. “I don’t know Bug. See … your momma doesn’t always have the answers.”

“And neither does Dad”, David quickly added.

“Honey, I have no idea how this is going to go. I don’t think anything like this has ever happened outside of one of your stories before. Maybe you will always remember your past life. Maybe you will remember only parts of it, or maybe it will all slowly fade away like a dream,” Cloe waved her hand at the room, “sort of like the Royal. But my woman’s intuition says it might go just like you wrote it in one of those stories. Maybe the mind will fall into line with the body and the soul. Maybe you won’t completely forget the past, but it will retreat to some place out of the way that won’t interfere with the present. At least for your sake, Bug, I hope so. You’ve waited so long to be an ungrateful brat who can’t possibly appreciate all we are about to do for you or how fortunate you are. We don’t want you to miss one bit of it.”

“Me neither!” Jenny cried as she surprised her father by surprise pouncing into his arms. David looked helplessly at Cloe, then sighed as he gathered his new daughter in for a cuddle.

“Wrapped,” Cloe whispered with a smirk and then lifted her pinkie finger to show David exactly what Jenny had him wrapped around.

David gave her his hang dog look as he knew she was right.

Jenny smiled and cuddled, loving the feeling of finally being a true lap kitten. Cloe hated to break up the moment, but knowing the little hug monster would coax loads more, she finally did so reluctantly. “It’s almost time to get up. Your sisters are waiting to meet you. We’ve kept them out of the room, telling them you were tired from the long trip, but if we don’t let them in soon, they’ll break down the door.”

“Long trip?” Jenny raised her head off her father’s shoulder. “What long trip?”

Cloe slipped in close to her beloved and her daughter. “Your father and I had to come up with some kind of realistic lie about your conception. I couldn’t very well tell them I found you along the railroad tracks, any more than I could tell them I picked you out of the cabbage patch.”

“Your mom’s right. We had to come up with something convincing not only for the family, but for the authorities as well. It had to be legal or at least close, and with all the proper mountains of paper work.”

“And where’s the best place to find mountains of paperwork, always in triplicate?” Cloe asked with a smile.

Jenny was clueless but David and Cloe answered in unison, “The military!”

“I’ve been drafted?” Jenny cried wide eyed.

“No silly,” Cloe laughed. “As you know, your father is a former military man and he still has connections. He called in a few favours to get help arranging a very discreet overseas adoption.”

“And as you know,” David countered, “your mother’s father was also military, and she coaxed him into helping things along and not asking too many questions he really didn’t want to know the answers to.”

“Bottom line,” and Cloe wiggled hers on the bed playfully to make Jenny giggle and David drool, “you are our adopted daughter from the United Kingdom, and we have a mountain of paperwork to prove it.”

“I get to be English!” Jenny squealed.

David laughed. “We thought you’d like that, Bug. You always were the biggest anglophile in the company.”

“Thank you Daddy! … Thank you Mummy!” Jenny Bug laid on the hugs and the baby British accent.

Cloe accepted the hug graciously. “Now, Nervous Nellie, before you ask it, I already know your next question. ‘What am I going to say when someone asks me about my life in the U.K. before you adopted me?’

Jenny nodded at her mind reading mother.

“Already got that covered. We’ve told everyone that you had a very traumatic time of it, which sadly isn’t a lie, and that the least you are asked about it, the better it is for you.”

“And for us!” David added with a smile.

“Your father and I will try to steal just enough from Oliver Twist and Tiny Tim to give them an almost believable story of a poor English orphan we had to rescue. I’m pretty sure I can use the fact that Joyce and Covington has an office in the UK to our advantage. All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look adorable, and we should be home free.”

“Home,” Jenny sighed dreamily. “Home … I get to go home. I … I get to belong and nobody can take it away from me. Home … I get to lie on the floor and color. Home … I’ll be safe and no more monsters!”

“Monsters?” David raised an eyebrow.

Cloe put a finger to her lips and shook her head. David knew that meant she’d explain it later, although he had some idea of what Jenny meant by monsters. To Jenny, who’d ached for an impossible dream that was a birth given reality to most girls, her monsters were the adult sized version of the ones that usually hid under most kid’s beds.

David was a man, and a man glad to be a man, especially when he held his soul mate in his arms. The thought of what it would be like growing up in the body of the opposite gender was beyond his comprehension, beyond anyone’s comprehension who hadn’t been unjustly imprisoned, but he knew it had to be a living hell at times. And even though neither he nor Cloe had wanted to take on another child, considering it was Jenny, they gladly made the one exception.

“And you love me”, Jenny was still on a role as she smiled at her daddy. “And you love me”, she gave her mom the same set of baby teeth. “And … and I love you and it’s a forever love and … and nobody can take it away. And … and I got sisters … lots of sisters, and they’re gonna love me and I’m not gonna be scared cause I won’t be afraid of nothing cause you’ll be here and … and I’m going to make you so proud you just wait and see! Home … finally I get to go home!”

David reached out and took Jenny firmly by the shoulder, which stopped her gushing. Saying nothing, he slowly began examining her shoulder, feeling his way along until he reached her neck and then started working his way down her back.

“What on Earth are you looking for?” Cloe had to ask.

“The off switch”, David said totally deadpan. “I’ve got to find the off switch before I die of a sugar overdose.”

Jenny’s mouth fell open, not knowing if her father was serious, and Cloe nearly fell off the bed from laughing so hard.

“You have twin girls”, she said as she held her side from laughing too hard. “You know there is no off switch, but a good double dose of Nyquil will execute a complete shut down of her system for about six to eight hours.”

This time David nearly busted a gut as Jenny looked a little nervous and swallowed hard.

Cloe pulled her into a cuddle. “Oh don’t worry. We’re just teasing. We take good care of all our little tax deductions. Your father and I are experienced parents.”

Cloe gave David a wink. “And what that means is we know just how to beat you without leaving those pesky bruises that child protective services are always watching for.”

Jenny’s big baby blues searched Cloe’s and when she saw them smiling back at her, she knew is was just Mom being Mom.

“I love you too, Mummy,” she said as she squeezed the hug a little tighter.

David watched the scene for a moment and then looked toward the wall clock.

Cloe nodded knowingly. “C’mon pumpkin, reality waits,” she gently eased her little one back down on her bed.

“I just can’t wait to see what it’s going to be like and … and what I’m going to grow up to be like,” Jenny sighed dreamily.

“So you want a sneak peek into the future huh?” Cloe teased.

“Can I Mummy? Can I? Just a little one, pleeeeeze.”

“Well …” Cloe drawled out like her favourite television witch Samantha.

“Oh thank you Mummy,” Jenny bounced back into her mother’s arms. “You’re the best mummy ever, and I promise you I won’t ask for anything else ever again.”

David seized the opportunity to get even, and whispered, “Wrapped.” He held up the same pinkie she had shown him earlier to remove any doubt of her similar fate.

Cloe gave him a little tongue for his efforts, which only teased him and made him think about how nice it would be to get Bug out of his bed and Cloe back in it.

“Okay … just a quickie now. We really are running on borrowed time.” Cloe closed her eyes to concentrate.

“Even though biologically you’re not our child, although looking at that hair and those freckles, I wouldn’t be surprised if we had a DNA match, I do have a feeling that you’re going to carry some of our personality traits mixed with a little of your own and perhaps some of your interests.”

When she opened her eyes she was smiling. “Of course, I should have thought of this straight away. With David’s natural athletic ability, my perfectionism, both our competitiveness, and your love of sports, how could it be anything else.”

Without another word of explanation, Cloe waved her hands at the ward room from the Royal and Jenny watched in amazement as it disappeared and she found herself standing in grass and staring down at a pair of small cleats.

“Get your head up and your butt down, girl!” David’s stern voice scolded her.

Jenny immediately did as she was told and found a baseball on a collision course with her chest. She put up her right hand for protection and blessedly found it was gloved. The ball ricocheted off to the right and bounced toward third base.

“I’m … I’m playing short stop,” Jenny said as she looked down to see she was wearing shorts and a team jersey that proclaimed she was a member of the Peaches.

She turned her head back and forth and could feel the pony tail dancing from the hole in back of her ball cap.

“Bug …c’mon and get with it. You’re playing like a girl,” David baited his daughter, hoping he’d get a reaction.

Jenny glared at him from under cap, assumed a defensive position and gave him what he was looking for. “C’mon Dog Head,” she teased him with his nickname, “Hit me one with something on it!”

He smiled mission accomplished and then hit a hard bouncer to her left. Jenny was cat quick and snared the ball on a tough in between hop. She fired it back to her dad with a little pepper on it and a smug smile.

David noted the smile and took up the challenge. “Okay, Missy … I’m going to run this one out. Let’s see what you got.”

This time he put a little muscle behind it and hit a screamer to the right. Jenny took two steps, then dove. She hit the dirt hard but came up with the ball cleanly. She quickly got to her feet and pivoted to throw to first base.

David who thought he’d surely hit it past her, was trotting half speed to first when he glanced to his left expecting to see a dejected daughter. Needless to say, she was anything but down and he would certainly have been out.

“You would so be toast, Dad”, she boasted as she bounced the ball in her left hand.

David laughed and shook his head. His little girl was as cocky on the field as he was, and without all the testosterone, but just like her father, she could back it up. She was the best short stop in the girl’s league and could outplay most of the boys in the other.

Jenny soft tossed the ball back to David and readied herself for another shot, but Dad was done and he waved his girl in. “C’mon that’s enough for the day. It’s starting to get dark. We better get home before all of your mom’s enchiladas are gone.”

Jenny jogged in and cleanly caught the Gatorade David tossed her. Jenny stared at it in disbelief. “You’re sharing your Gatorade?”

David put an arm around his little diamond darling. “Yeah … I guess I’m getting soft in my old age, but don’t get any ideas about swimming in the neighbor’s pool, or leaving the yard without permission.”

Jenny snuggled next to the only man in her heart, at least for now. “Sure Dad … whatever you say.”

The pair walked off the field and then suddenly Jenny found herself back in her bed at the Royal with David and Cloe at her side.

Jenny looked down at her right hand, half expecting to find the baseball mitt that had been there just second ago. “Wow … that was awesome Mum!”

“I’m glad you liked it, Bug.”

“I would of beat the throw to first if it had been a real game situation,” David pouted under his breath.

Cloe rolled her eyes at her other little one. “I’m sure you would of have, dear.”

Jenny pulled on Cloe’s sleeve. “Will it really be like that? Will me and … and Dad play ball and share Gatorade?”

Cloe thought for a moment. “Well … you need to remember that what I showed you was an illusion, at best only shadows of things that could be, and not necessarily will be. Now do I think you could be a terror on the ball diamond and the apple of your Daddy’s eye? Sure! But you’re father sharing his Gatorade? Don’t bet your cleats on it.”

David glared at the other apple of his eye. “Really?”

Both mother and daughter giggled at the expense of their brave knight.

Cloe loved seeing Jenny smile and laugh. Over the last two years, she’d seen so little of either coming from her friend; now as her daughter, she hoped it would be a regular occurrence.

“It’s about that time, ladies,” David gently prompted his girls.

Cloe nodded as she took Jenny’s hand in hers. “Your dad’s right. We need to get back home. Time to say goodbye to England and The Royal.”

“Wait … wait a minute Mummy.” Jenny Bug pleaded as she cuddled close to Cloe. “I want to really say goodbye to the Royal. Can’t you bring everybody back so I can say goodbye to them? You know … like if I was a real patient and … and they were discharging me? Please … please Mummy. I’ll be really fast, and I won’t ask for nothing else. I promise I won’t.”

Cloe looked into Jenny’s Bug pleading eyes and then turned to David with a smile. He was waiting for her with one of his own. If there was any doubt about Jenny making the adjustment to crumb snatcher, that look and her plea removed it. She was all kid, and perhaps in all the ways that truly matter, she always had been. This new body only made the child more visible to those who couldn’t see past the old one.

Cloe looked back to the little girl who was desperately trying to work up a crocodile tear or two to improve her chance of success. She could hardly keep a straight face. She knew she should probably bring down the curtain on this performance, but decided to be generous this time and give Jenny a temporary stay.

“Okay,” she tried to give her best stern warning without spoiling it by giggling. “One quick round of goodbye’s. No holding hugs, and no long speeches. Is that clear?”

Jenny Bug pounced on her Mummy, an occurrence that was soon to become routine. “Thank you … thank you, Mummy. I promise.”

David chuckled. “I can see how much fun it’s going to be trying to get her to bed at night.”

Cloe declined comment, knowing the only thing she could have done was agree with him. With a wave of her hand, the cast of the Royal suddenly reappeared.

Dr. Weatherill held a thermometer in her hand and peered at it through dark rimmed glasses. “Seems despite all her complaints about being cold, her temperature, like everything else, appears to be normal. I think it’s safe to take her home.”

The lovely lady doctor turned her attention to her pint-sized patient. “Now Miss Bug … as much as we’ve all enjoyed having you stay with us, we’d prefer the next time you stop by to be an injury free visit. Sooo … will you promise Dr. Jill to be more careful when you cycle?”

Jenny freckle faced grinned and raised her left hand, “I promise.”

Dr. Weatherill didn’t comment that Jenny had raised the wrong hand. She knew the promise, while sincere and heartfelt, probably had little chance of being kept. She could tell this little girl was one of those perpetual skinned knees and bruised bum types. She’d be back again, and probably before the summer was over.

Jenny took a long last look around the ward room while half listening to Dr. Jill giving her parents instructions about taking care of her knee. She knew it was an illusion, but it was all so real, right down to the crisp white sheets, the cold room and that stupid beeping that was back again. She decided not to mention the cold or the beeping again. She was sure both would be gone as soon as she returned to the real world.

“Jenny Bug, your taxi is here.”

Jenny turned to see Nurse Stella with an old wooden wheel chair waiting for her. A pink blanket had been draped over the seat.

“C’mon, princess we’re going to roll you out of here in style.”

Jenny tossed her blankets aside and started to swing her legs over the edge of the bed, but her left knee was sore, and she winced in pain.

“Whoa, Nellie,” Cloe brought her to a halt. “First, we have to get some clothes on you.”

Jenny Bug blushed as she realized she’d almost given a show to all in attendance and sank back down on her bed. Cloe giggled, then produced a lovely little summer dress with loads of flowers and colors that fit in perfectly with the fashion statement her parents were making. Nurse Stella tamed a few of Bug’s curls with a brush, while Cloe added a daisy to her hair from the vase of flowers at Bug’s bedside .

Once she was dressed and groomed, it was the Brave Knight to the rescue, as David quickly slid an arm under her legs and lifted her easily. She wrapped her arms around her father’s neck and snuggled up close. She felt so small in his arms and in reality she was, but she felt safe and amazingly warm for the first time. She liked the feeling and was looking forward to having it again as many times as he and his back would allow.

David deposited Jenny Bug into the chair and Nurse Stella took the handles and swung her round.

“Wait!” Jenny cried. “I almost forgot Sir Lionheart.”

Cloe reached down and collected her daughter’s other brave protector of royal heritage and handed him to her.

“Thank you, Mummy”, Jenny said very politely with a smile that would melt butter.

Cloe sighed and wondered just how much trouble that smile would get her daughter into and out of in her life to come.

With Nurse Stella at the wheel, Sir Lionheart as her throne mate, and her parents flanking her, Jenny Bug made her farewell lap round the Royal. One by one she gave goodbye hugs to all her favourites.

Dr. Weatherill gave her star patient one last hug before going off to finish her rounds. Nurse Marian and Nurse Catherine were just going off duty, but they stayed long enough to share a few hugs and giggles with Jenny. The Matron, ever professional and ever so busy, even took time to chat with Jenny and her parents. She nearly knocked the little girl out of her chair when she gave her a hug as she quietly slipped her a lolly for the ride home.

Dr. Jeff Goodwin, who had popped in to have a look on her a few times while Dr. Cloe was otherwise occupied, gave her a kiss on the forehead that put colour in her cheeks, and added to her collection of lollies.

Alan the Porter, who had chatted with her a bit and smuggled in that transistor radio so she could hear the Beatles the night before, gave her a wave and wink as they passed by. Even crusty old Doctor Rose managed to put down his pipe and give her a peck on the cheek.

When they rounded the corner that would take them to see Lizzie Hopkirk, the receptionist and the last stop on the final hug tour, Nurse Stella and Jenny very nearly ran over Sister Bridgette. Fortunately, the Sister was very nimble and sidestepped the runaway wheel chair.

Sister Bridgette winked at David and Cloe before she gave the two speed racers a stern glare. “Here now … this is a hospital zone, not that Indiana 500 race. I’ve half a mind to call a traffic warden and see you both get a ticket.”

For a moment, both Nurse Stella and Jenny Bug looked like they want to sink into the tile floors of the Royal, but then the good Sister gave the game away with a smile and everyone followed suit.

When Jenny noticed her parents getting a good laugh at her expense, she decided to get even. Very innocently she called to David. “Daddy, when are you going to marry Mummy and make an honest woman out of her?”

This time it was David and Cloe who looked as though they wished they could fade right into the corridor walls. Sister Bridgette turned positively crimson. Jenny continued her polished innocent look and Nurse Stella had all she could do to suppress a laugh, and was obviously losing the battle.

Once David regrouped, he leaned down to Bug level, and whispered just loud enough for all to hear. “I’ve been giving that loads of thought, Bug, and I definitely intend to do that, but I think that’s something you need not concern yourself with. What you may wish to consider is who you are going to be left with whilst your Mummy and I are on honeymoon. I really think you need to give that some thought. The possibilities could be quite … shall we say … interesting?”

Jenny Bug melted further into the wheelchair. Daddy had got the best of this battle, but future engagements were guaranteed for the future.

After Sister Bridgette said her goodbyes, Cloe slipped her hand into David’s and smiled lovingly at him. “So … when are you really going to make an honest woman out of me?”

“Really?” David played the wounded party. “Can’t a guy get to pick the time and place to propose to the woman he loves?”

Cloe laid her head on her beloved’s shoulder and nuzzled his neck. “Well of course you can, baby, it’s totally your decision, and just as soon as Bug and I make it for you, we’ll let you know.”

David dropped his head and sighed. He never really had a chance going up against Cloe, but now that it was two against one, it looked happily hopeless.

“Well hello, Jenny Bug and don’t you look the smasher!” lovely Lizzie Hopkirk, the perky receptionist, complimented her with a smile.

Jenny Bug beamed with the praise her favourite groovy gal heaped on her. “Thank you Lizzie. Mummy and Nurse Stella fixed my hair with the flower.”

“Oh yes love, you’re quite the hip chick now. I suppose all the young lads will be wanting to chat you up. Guess I better not bring my boyfriend around you if I want to keep him.” Lizzie gave David and Cloe a wink to let them know it was all a good natured tease.

“Don’t worry Lizzie,” Jenny solemnly promised. “I’m only interested in brave knights and that’s my Daddy and Sir Lionheart …” She presented Sir Lionheart for Lizzie’s inspection and to ease her worries.

“Ohhhhhh … yes, he’s quite the handsome lion, all right. I guess the rest of the lads are safe.”

“At least for now”, Lizzie added with a whisper and wink in David and Cloe’s direction.

As a final parting gift, and to no one’s surprise, Lizzie presented Jenny with a bag full of lollies. Jenny giggled and thanked her friend as she padded her stash. Nurse Stella reluctantly relinquished control of the wheel chair to David, but not without giving Jenny Bug a hug, a kiss, and eliciting a promise to take good care of Sir Lionheart. Jenny cheerfully gave all three.

David lifted Jenny Bug out of the chair as she looked through the glass doors at the parking lot and seaside city of Elsinby. He gently placed her on his hip, ever mindful of the knee that was tender in both worlds.

“Time to go home,” Cloe softly informed her as she adjusted the flower in Jenny’s hair.

“Wait a minute! Wait a minute!” Jenny cried as she looked pleadingly to her Mummy “I just membered something.”

Cloe eyed her suspiciously. She knew stalling tactics when she saw them, but for the moment she gave her leave. “And what’s that Bug?”

“What’s happens to the other me in the real world that don’t exist no more. You know … the one who was your co-worker?”

Cloe and David made quick eye contact. David silently volunteered to take the point.

“Jenny,” he said with a sigh as he looked into the eyes of the little girl in his arms. “We honestly don’t know. It’s well … kind of like your old self disappeared into thin air when Cloe pulled your spirit out.”

David thought about what he’d just said, “Actually … that’s exactly what happened, but what happens to your old life now … well … it’s kind of hard to say.”

Cloe moved into her line of vision. “The company security cameras are only going to show you leaving the lot on your bicycle. Thankfully, everything else that transpired took place outside their range, or … oh boy Lucy, would we have some splanin’ to do.”

David shifted the light weight on his hip. “When you don’t show up for work on Monday, Personnel will list you as a ‘no call-no show’. Three consecutive days of that and you will be terminated. I bet most people will think you found something else better and decided not to give notice. At least that’s the story we’re going to circulate when they ask either of us.”

Cloe gently squeezed Jenny’s hand. “And as sad as it is to say that you had no contact with your family and no friends outside work, it’s actually quite fortunate. It means that nobody is going to look for you, and considering the sleight of hand we’ve used to make you legal, the less questions asked, the better.”

Jenny looked from parent to parent. “What about my flat and all my stuff in it?”

Cloe smiled devilishly as she reached into her pocketbook, eventually producing a key. “Remember? You gave me a spare when you moved into the place. We can go there and get anything you really want.”

David pulled on the sleeve of Jenny’s summer dress and smiled, “I don’t think we need to worry about fetching any of your old clothes.”

“As I said, we can go there, but honestly … I’d rather not draw any unwanted attention. However, if there is really something you have to have?”

Jenny gave Cloe’s question proper thought. She considered the sum total of her meager possessions from the life she was leaving and then looked at her parents who represented everything this new life held.

She shook her head confidently, “No Mummy I don’t need nothing there, cause I got everything I need right here.” She punctuated that statement by snuggling closer to her father.

“Peachy keen, jelly bean!” Cloe quipped with a bright smile. “So now … without any further ado, Close your eyes my Buglette, and let us rejoin reality and the not so groovy 21st century.”

“Wait Mummy wait!” Bug made the long goodbye a little longer.

Cloe gave her “the look”, the one she would soon become all too familiar with. “Okay, now what’s the problem?”

“Umm … can I be the flower girl when you marry Daddy? Pleeeeeze?”

Cloe knew that had been a fantasy of Jenny’s for quite some time. Now that it was possible, it was an easy wish to grant.

“Yes you can be the flower girl … if and when we get married. Okay?”

Jenny smiled and nodded.

“Now if there are no further objections,” Cloe tried again.

Jenny wiggled in David’s arms. “I think I forgot to say goodbye to somebody.”

“Who?” Cloe pounced.

Jenny stumbled as she searched for an answer. “Rose … yeah … I forgot to say goodbye to Nurse Rose Tyler.”

Cloe was cat quick again. “There’s no Rose on the Royal. You forget, I had to read the stories to set all this up. Rose Tyler belongs to Doctor Who.”

Cloe narrowed her cool blue eyes, “Now Missy, you want to try that one again?”

Jenny Bug looked for a reprieve in David’s eyes and found none. Finally she threw herself on the mercy of the court. Tears welled in her eyes.

“Jenny what’s going on?”’ Cloe noted the crocodile tears forming. “You act like you don’t want to get back to the real world. Quite frankly, I thought you’d be chomping at the bit to see your sisters and to get on actually living the life that up until now you could only dream of. Don’t you want to be our daughter?”

That broke the dam and tears and truth flowed freely. “Yes Mummy … I … I do want it. More than anything else in the whole world I do. But … but … I’m afraid. I’m afraid to close my eyes.”

David held his sobbing daughter while Cloe tried to calm her. “Hey … hey! You know the rule: no drama, no sad tears. I mean it, little girl. No sad tears!”

Jenny Bug tried to comply but fear and tears were having their way. “I don’t wanna cry Mummy, but … but I’m scared … scared to close my eyes … cause … cause you’ll go away.”

Cloe shook her head and sighed as she thought to herself, “Oh great! Separation anxiety … We haven’t even got her back to reality, and already we’re dealing with childhood drama.”

“Jenny,” David pried her loose from his chest. His voice was loving but firm, his words were slow and deliberate. “There is no reason to be scared. Cloe and I are with you, both in this fantasy and in reality. Now … listen to your Mum, close your eyes and when you open them again, I promise we’ll be there with you, and everything will be as we promised.”

Jenny wanted to believe in that promise and the reassuring look her father was giving her, but the fear was deep rooted from a life time of pain. She trembled as looked from parent to parent. “But … what if everything’s a dream? I mean … ummm … not just the Royal but … but everything. What … what if I’m really at home in … in my flat and … and I’m just dreaming. And then … then when I wake up I’ll be all by myself and … and everything will be just like it was before and I’ll be just like I was before and … I … I … can’t go back to that Daddy. I can’t … I just can’t! Please don’t make me close my eyes Mummy, please! I can’t wake up one more time and find everything’s a dream. I just can’t!”

Jenny collapsed into David’s arms. She was spent. She continued to cry softly as she hugged him. Cloe lovingly ran her fingers through Jenny’s curly mop and gently rubbed her back. Her frightened child’s words touched her heart. “I can’t wake up one more time and find everything’s a dream.” From their long discussions after work, Cloe knew that Jenny went to bed every night wishing she would wake up to find she’d magically become a little girl and had the home and family of her dreams. Many times those wishes bled into the dream world and came true for her. Of course, morning would come and she would awake to find cold, hard reality waiting for her and all that she’d been given had slipped away, left in the world of a beautiful dream.

Yes, after having so many dreams that offered her everything she’d ever wanted, it was only logical that she’d be afraid this “dream” would suffer the same fate. It also didn’t help being lost in the illusion of her favourite soap. Poor thing, the lines between reality and illusion were so blurred it was no wonder she didn’t know what to believe, and was afraid to let go of what she currently had her hands around.

Cloe took one of Jenny’s hands in hers. “Bug … feel my hand. It’s warm. It’s real. It’s not an illusion, or a dream or a scene from one of your stories. It’s real, just like the rest of me is real, and David is real and you are real. And … and back in the real world, the real world you are resting in, there is a family and home and a life waiting for you, but you have to close your eyes to get there.”

Jenny sniffled back tears, “But I’m afraid Mummy. I don’t wanna let go.”

Cloe squeezed her hand tighter. “Then don’t let go, baby. You just hold my hand and your Daddy will hold you and we’ll stay right with you until you wake up in the real world.”

“Promise?” She looked from parent to parent. “You won’t let go?”

Cloe smiled and made a V sign just below her nose. “Witches Honor … I promise.”

“I promise too, and remember, a brave knight never breaks a promise.” David’s eyes smiled at her.

Jenny Bug took a last look at the entrance to the Royal and at both of her parents. She wanted to believe them. She had to believe them. She still didn’t want to close her eyes, but the crying had taken so much out of her she was exhausted. It was all she could do to hold them open. Saying a silent prayer that if this was just another dream, she begged G_d, to have mercy and never let her wake up to know it.

She let out a heavy sigh. “Okay Mummy and Daddy, I believe you. I’ll close my eyes and not be too afraid, only just a little. Is that okay?”

“That’s fine Buggles. That’s fine.” Cloe kissed her on the forehead and squeezed her hand.

Jenny’s eyes were growing so heavy she could barely see as she snuggled in David’s arms. Her voice was a sleepy whisper. “Mummy, is it warm in the real world? Illusions are too cold.”

Cloe giggled. “Yes, my Buglette. It’s nice and toasty warm like a cup of hot chocolate.”

“With mashmellows?”

“Yes … with marshmallows, loads of them.”

Maggie smiled as Cloe held her hand and the little one drifted off without another word.

Sister Bridgette stood next to Nurse Stella and watched the young couple carry Jenny out to their Volkswagen Bus. Once the flower powered machine left the parking lot and disappeared, Nurse Stella turned to the Sister.

“She was a sweet one, that lil Jenny Bug, and smart as a whip, too. That lil crack about David making an honest woman out of her mum was priceless, and too cute coming from one so young. I thought the pair of them would faint dead away when she said that.”

Sister Bridgette smiled but a worried look was on her lovely face. “Oh she’s a smart one, alright, but too smart for her own good. I’ve got a bad feeling.”

“Why would you say that Sister?”

The good nun clutched her rosary beads, “I can’t really say, Stella. Just a feeling, I suppose, and probably not a thing to it, but just the same I’m going to say a prayer for those three young people and hope the good Lord is watching over them.”

Sister Bridgette closed her eyes and Stella did the same as they sent the three groovy musketeers off to the 21st century with a heartfelt prayer.

Cloe closed the book and set it down on the nightstand next to Jenny. She held her hand lovingly and watched her sleep. Reluctantly she released the hand, but it was for good reason, as she needed two free ones to unfold the extra blanket on the edge of the bed and tuck Sleeping Beauty in. She knew how cold Jenny always was.

The door to the room opened and a tall handsome brave knight sans sideburns, long curly locks and tie died shirt, popped his beautiful face in. “Babe, you about ready? Emily just got here, and all the kids are as ready as they’re going to be.”

Cloe smiled and nodded. She drew strength and joy from the look of love she saw in his eyes. He gave both willingly, and received the same whenever he held Cloe’s face in his eyes. She watched as he pulled back and closed the door behind him.

She lingered there a bit, savoring the memory of his image and then she turned to Jenny. She watched her sleeping peacefully. “Time to get up, Buglette. Your public waits. There could be pizza in this for you.” She tempted her, knowing that was her favourite food bar none.

Cloe looked around the room they’d done their best to set up for her during her stay, and she had to admit it was certainly Bug beautiful. In honor of her love for England, a Union Jack hung proudly above her bed, a bone white tea set sat atop the television, and books from several of her favorite British television shows were stacked neatly by the window. She smiled at Doctor Who, the Avengers and The Royal.

A small stereo sat near the television, and most of Jenny’s favorite music was there. Peter, Paul and Mary, the Carpenters, John Denver, The Seekers, and various groups cultivating the folk music sound of the 60’s were normally providing background music for her to sleep by.

“You’re such a flower child”, Cloe said as she pulled a daisy from a nearby vase and toyed with the idea of putting it in Jenny’s hair.

A baseball cap and replica uniform from the Rockford Peaches of the Women’s Professional League sat on the chair next to Jenny. It had been a gift from David and Cloe. Jenny loved playing sports, especially baseball, and while her arthritic knee prevented her from taking her place in the infield these days, she still liked to dress the part when she attended the games.

Stuffed animals overflowed from the shelf above her bed and flanked her on both sides. Those were for the little girl, the one that peeked out through the adult’s writing and through her eyes whenever she looked at Cloe. It was the little girl who loved to snuggle and color and have her hair put up in pigtails. It was the same little girl who hugged Cloe tightly when they went their separate ways after work on Friday nights.

“Friday nights,” she said the words aloud. Images of a painful March night nearly six months ago came flooding back. It was just another Friday night, the same as so many others. Cloe and Jenny locked up the building. Jenny pulled her bicycle along as she walked Cloe to her car. Cloe opened the door and put her pocketbook in the passengers side and then turned to find what she knew would be waiting: Jenny standing there with arms wide open for the weekend hug and tears threatening in her eyes.

Cloe sighed and gave her usual, “Oh my silly Bug” smile and then opened her arms. Jenny rushed in and hugged her tight. Her voice cracking with emotion and carrying a hint of the little girl within, delivered the one line Cloe knew too well.

“I love you with all my heart.”

Cloe didn’t miss her cue and returned with her time tested response. “I know, Bug. I know.”

Jenny held the hug as long as she could and reluctantly broke it. Cloe smiled at her and then turned to slip behind the wheel. She caught Jenny’s final words as she closed her door and tried to make her escape.

“Tell everyone I love them,” Jenny begged with a hopeful smile, hopeful that somehow in the next ten seconds a bolt of magic would come from the sky and transform her into a little girl and deposit her in her rightful place as Cloe’s daughter and co-pilot, riding shotgun in the passenger seat beside her.

“Have a nice weekend, Bug,” was Cloe’s cheerful but firm reply that signaled it was time to go home now.

Jenny Bug smiled and waved. Cloe returned both before taking out her cell to call David and set plans for dinner tonight.

She was scrolling through the numbers, half listening to the radio and trying to steal warmth from the heater when Jenny rode passed her line of sight. She was a good fifty yards away, wobbling on her bike and waving at Cloe instead of watching where she was going.

The whole thing happened so fast. The semi truck literally seemed to come out of nowhere. Cloe’s eyes went wide and she dropped her cell as she could see that Jenny didn’t see. She wanted to scream, but no words came and even if they had, Jenny never would have heard them.

She waved, hoping some how Jenny would interpret that as a warning of the danger bearing down on her and swerve out of harms way, but the little girl intercepted the message and Jenny smiled brightly as she kept her eyes on Cloe and waved enthusiastically.

That’s when the incredible, unexplainable, unbelievable happened. Jenny had been just a few feet from the grill of the truck speeding toward her. Cloe’s head knew there was nothing she could do to save someone she loved, so her heart took over.

She had reached out as if Jenny was but a few feet away, and tried to pull her to safety. In that split second, Jenny’s dream came true, because in Cloe’s eyes she was just like one of her daughters in danger, and Cloe had the strength to move mountains to bring her little girl to safety.

Cloe’s heart and her love had somehow reached out through her fingers and grabbed hold of Jenny. Amazingly, she could feel weight in her hand, and with all her strength she had tried to pull her friend and her daughter to safety. For a moment, she almost did it. She really felt as though she was lifting Jenny off her bike, or at least part of Jenny, as an image of a familiar little girl flashed before her eyes and seemed to be moving toward her.

Tragically, even though the little girl was a lightweight, she had still been still too heavy for Cloe to carry, and the connection had snapped like a rope stretched beyond capacity. Cloe fell back hard against the leather of her seat and then watched in horror as the green monster devoured her friend and Lady Jane.

Things were kind of blurry after that. She didn’t remember getting out of her car or running to where Jenny’s broken body had landed, but she did remember cradling her in her arms until the ambulance came.

Jenny was unconscious when they got her to hospital, and soon after slipped had into a coma. There was a long list of damage to her body and some of them quite severe. The surgeons had done their best to effect what repairs they could, but they were unable to save her right leg and it had been amputated just above her knee. Now Jenny would have ghost pain from an arthritic knee to contend with among other things.

Trauma to the head was equally severe. Again, the surgeons had done what they could, but there had been massive hemorrhaging, and damage not repairable. If she came out of the coma, it was highly unlikely that the woman and the little girl who left Cloe that Friday evening would ever return. Nonetheless, Cloe stole a page from Jenny’s magic book and hoped for a miracle.

For the last six months she’d come to hospital to see Jenny whenever she could. With no family that would claim her, and no other close friends, Cloe had assumed the role of her primary caregiver. In a very sad way, Jenny had finally gotten her wish. Cloe had become Mummy.

She talked with the doctors about Jenny’s condition. Her friend was in a very deep coma with little chance of ever regaining consciousness. When Cloe asked them if they thought Jenny could possibly be aware of things around her they couldn’t give her a firm answer. There had been cases where people have come out of deep comas and reported that they were aware of people coming and going and could hear conversations. Others had reported being completely unaware or lost in a dream world. Cloe, forever the optimist, held on to the belief that her Bug might be listening in, and she wanted to give her every incentive to rejoin the living.

She directed the redecoration of Jenny’s room into the Bug palace, fit for the little girl she so longed to be. She knew her friend couldn’t see it, but maybe that little girl who peeked out so often wasn’t trapped in the coma … maybe she could see, and if she could, Cloe wanted to have something special for her to find.

Cloe didn’t know if Jenny could hear her, but she had to believe she could, and many of the evenings and weekends she spent with her were very much like the long conversations they’d had so many nights at work. Granted, Cloe had to carry the conversation, but she did it gladly.

Any of the staff stopping in to check on Jenny during Cloe’s visits would find her sitting on Jenny’s bed or in the chair next to her, chatting away about the day to day life of the Gilmore Girls at Chez Nicholas. To most people, the subject matter would have seemed rather boring and mundane, but the beauty was in the ear of the listener, and Cloe knew it was all pure gold to her friend.

Sometimes she would share stories from her girlhood with Jenny. Buglette had always hung on every word of her adventures as a gypsy military brat. Cloe knew that Jenny would sometimes put herself in Cloe’s place just as she often did with the tales of her daughters. Cloe didn’t mind. If it made her friend happy, or eased her suffering, or encouraged her to hang on and fight, she would keep talking until her voice and her stories ran out or Jenny’s time ran out.

The later eventually became the case.

Cloe looked at the calendar on the wall. The date was circled in red: the 8th of August. It had been six months since the accident, and in accordance with the terms of Jenny’s living will, no life sustaining measures were to be continued after that time. The doctors had assured Cloe, that Jenny would slip away quickly once the tubes and lines were removed.

Jenny’s friends who had become her family had stopped by to pay their final respects over the last few days. Now David, his daughters and Cloe’s daughters waited outside for the final goodbye.

Cloe looked down at her friend and spirit daughter and hoped that she hadn’t suffered, that she had been aware of those around her over the last six months and the love they felt for her. She didn’t want to believe that Jenny had been lost in a nightmare for the last half year. She’d been living in a forty year long nightmare before the accident had occurred. She held hope that if Jenny had been living in a fantasy world, it was one where her dream finally came true.

Cloe looked at the book she’d just finished reading to Jenny. It was one from her series on her favorite British soap called The Royal. Cloe had selected this particular tale when she’d read the jacket and discovered it was about a little girl hurt when she was nearly hit by a milk truck. Since the series had been set in the 60’s, her parents were groovy flower children. The story had caught Cloe’s attention, but the picture on the cover sealed the deal. A little girl had a flower in her curly strawberry blond hair. Big blue eyes smiled and picked up the color from her rainbow summer dress. Her father was on the left. He was tall and had long red curls, sideburns, and beads dangling down on his tied dye shirt. Her mother was on her right. She had long wavy blond hair held by a headband. Her skin was fair and her eyes sparkled through groovy looking shades. She was wearing one of those flowing mother of earth dresses that were so popular during that time.

The cover had brought a smile to Cloe’s face the moment she saw it. She knew that Jenny would immediately put herself in the place of the little girl, and cast Cloe and David as her groovy parents. Cloe had shared that with David when she first started to read the book aloud. David growled a little and said that he never would have wore his hair like that or dressed that way, but Cloe could picture it and the thought always made her giggle.

Cloe had just finished the last chapter before David let her know it was time. She was so glad the fantasy tale had a happy ending. Perhaps memories of that would help get both her and Jenny through this day in the real world that was destined not to have one.

Cloe eyed the daises and then placed one in Jenny’s hair. Gently she kissed her forehead and then adjusted the blanket to cover Jenny’s cold hands. She shook her head and wondered why they had to keep hospital rooms so damn cold.

All was quiet now save for the incessant beeping of the machine that monitored Jenny’s condition and kept her alive. Soon there would be total silence.

Cloe felt tears welling in her eyes and then she looked down at the book on the nightstand. Its title was words she’d often said to Jenny before during those sad goodbyes. Now it was time for Mummy to take a dose of her own medicine.

“No Sad Tears,” was the title and the words that Cloe tried to take to heart.

She wiped away her tears and summoned her best brave smile.

“Goodbye my Buglette.” She said softly and lovingly. She held her gaze for a few moments and then added the words Jenny always loved to hear.

“And yes, I love you too.”

Cloe turned and headed to the door. It was time to bring the family in.

HUGS

Thanks to Holly H Hart for editing

One Bridge, Two Exits

By Maggie the Kitten

Two friends meet for lunch and are told a bridge is the key to their dreams come true.

Paula pulled up in front of Kathy’s house and waited for her friend to come out. She was really excited. It had been nearly six month she’d seen her last and that had been in the parking lot of the company they both used to work for on Kathy’s last day on the job. She had moved on to another job while Kathy continued working on the assembly line.

Paula smiled when she thought about her friend who was more like a sister, “little sister” actually. Over the two years they’d worked together they’d really grown close. They had shared their stories, their dreams, their hopes and their fears during long days and late nights.

Paula felt so close to Kathy that she trusted her with her deepest secret, and that was her love for a man named Armando. She’d loved him ever since she was a little girl and he was just a man who was sweet to her. As she grew her love for him grew and when she became a woman, she loved him like one.

Unfortunately by the time she was able to give him her love, he had become involved with another, and soon afterward so had Paula. Since then, the two women continued to love and want each other from afar. They both hoped that someday they could eventually be together, but it seemed impossible. This was Paula’s greatest secret, greatest desire and greatest source of both sadness and happiness. She shared it with Kathy because she knew that Kathy would understand what an impossible dream is.

Kathy or Kitten as she was known in the factory, definitely knew the meaning of an impossible dream. And just as Paula had shared her deepest, most secret dream with Kathy, Kathy had shared hers with Paula. Kathy’s dream was about love too, but not the adult romantic version that Paula and Armando shared. Kathy’s dream was the type of love a child has for her mother.

Now that might seem a strange dream for a woman in her mid forties, but Kathy was not a typical woman in more ways than one. She’d been born in a boy’s body. She had been the invisible little girl growing up. No one saw her, no one heard her and no one had believed she existed, except Kathy. When she got older, she went to therapy, took hormones and eventually had surgery. It took her awhile, but finally she lived and worked and looked sort of like a woman, but Paula knew the truth. Kathy wasn’t a woman; she was still that little girl from long ago.

Yes, that doesn’t seem possible, but it was true. Paula had read about that little girl in the stories Kitten wrote and shared with her, but it was in Kathy’s eyes that she could really see the little girl. It was those eyes, the eyes that grew large, that would fill with a child’s joy when she talked about being with the mommy and sisters of her dreams, and it was those same eyes that filled with tears when the pain of knowing that would never happen was just too much for her. That had been when Paula would hug her as if she was a true little sister, and Kathy would hang on tight as the tears fell freely.

Paula’s Armando was states away, but yet at times seemed so close when she talked to him on the phone. Kathy’s dream family was much closer. The mommy of her dreams was actually a boss in the warehouse they worked in, but because it was impossible for Kathy to ever really be Lauri’s daughter, at times she seemed a world a way.

Armando knew how much Paula loved him and he returned that love, but both felt trapped and neither could reach the other.

Lauri knew how much Kathy loved her and wanted to be her daughter and a part of her family, and it touched her deeply. If she could have made magic she would have, and she would have taken Kathy home as her own.

But she couldn’t make magic and there was nothing she could do. They were four people trapped.

Paula was sitting in her car outside Kathy’s home when she looked up and saw the front door open. Out stepped Kathy, and when Paula saw her she smiled lovingly. Kathy was dressed in clothes more suited to the little girl she was at heart. She was wearing a denim jumper, t-shirt, white hose and Mary Jane shoes. Her hair was up in pig tails and she was smiling wide. If she hadn’t been 42 and nearly six foot tall, she’d look like any other little girl you’d see running the playground.

Paula got out of her car and met Kathy on the sidewalk. She hugged her tightly, and as always, Kathy hung on for as long as she could. Once they finally broke the hug, they got in Paula’s car and headed out for lunch.

Kathy bounced in the seat excitedly as she told Paula all the latest on Lauri, including how close she’d got with her new boyfriend Jeff. Paula giggled. She loved to see the little girl peeking out of her friend, and in those cute clothes, it was hard to think of her as anything else.

Paula filled Kathy in on the latest about her daughter, Kenya who was coming home from Honduras, how big her son Darian was getting, and of course, the latest on the world’s greatest long distance romance with Armando.

They’d been driving for nearly thirty minutes and chatting away before they realized they hadn’t decided where to have lunch. Kathy was terrible at making decisions, so Paula, forever the big sister, took the lead and decided to stop at a little Italian place someone from work had mentioned.

Ten minutes later they were walking in the front door of “Momma Rosa’s”. As soon as the two girls walked in, the smells from the kitchen made them think they’d died and gone to Italian Heaven.

They were seated quickly and had just ordered some garlic bread for an appetizer when an old woman stopped by their table. She introduced herself as Momma Rosa, and asked if she could sit with them for a minute. Both Paula and Kathy were surprised, but told her she was more than welcome to share the table.

The elderly woman looked first to Paula and then to Kathy. “Your hearts are heavy, children. Both of you are separated from the one you love most. Is this true?”

Paula and Kathy’s eyes went wide as they looked at each other and then at Momma Rosa.

Kathy was speechless but Paula said what they were both thinking. “Yes it is, but how could you know that?”

Momma Rosa smiled, “Because my mother and her mother and her mother before that, knew such things. It is a gift, and yet a curse.”

Kathy asked, “How could it be a curse?”

“Being able to see into someone’s heart is not always a happy thing.” The old woman sighed heavily, “Sometimes you find happiness and love and joy, and sometimes you find pain and hurt and sometimes you find cold, dark, and evil.”

Kathy’s face went white, making the old woman smile. “No child, I sense nothing cold, dark or evil coming from either of you, but I felt your sadness, your hurt and your longing when you came in. I knew then I had to come to you, and if I can, I have to help you.”

Paula’s beautiful dark eyes smiled at Momma Rosa, “You can help us? But how … you don’t even know what makes us happy and yet so sad, or … do you?”

Momma Rosa extended her hand. “Let me hold your hand my dear, and I will tell you what I know.”

Paula put her out hand, and in doing so, showed her trust and faith in the hand of the old woman. Momma Rosa held it gently and then closed her eyes. “You have loved him for so long, long before you should have known the meaning of the word love and yet you did. You were but a child, but you loved him as a woman even then. His smile … yes his smile, oh there is love in that smile. Yes I can see that. The sound of his voice touches your very soul and he … yes he loved you even then, but you were forbidden fruit? First, you were too young, and then … then … you belonged to another. His nephew? Yes …his nephew. Oh pain and sadness now. Separated by age at first, then by family, and now, by distance, but the love ... still grows for you both. Two hearts who long to beat as one. Two soul mates separated by a wide river with no bridge to cross. His name is Armando.”

When Momma Rosa opened her eyes, Paula’s were filled with tears, for the old woman had spoken the truth.

Momma Rosa squeezed Paula’s hand. “Now … now there, child. All is not lost … love always finds a way. The bridge you seek will come very soon, and once you step into his arms you will never be separated again. This I know to be true.

Paula’s sad tears turned to joyous ones. “Oh, Momma Rosa, I so hope you are right. I love him so much and I want to be with him so much.”

Momma Rosa laughed, “Yes child I know you do, just as he loves you and needs you to complete him. Soon Paula, very soon the two of you will be one.”

Paula sighed dreamily as Momma Rosa released her hand and then turned to Kathy. “Will you let me see into your heart Kathy? You need not be frightened. I have a soft spot for children.”

Tears welled in Kathy’s eyes. Already Momma Rosa was looking into her heart. Kathy nodded silently and placed her hand in hers. Momma Rosa closed her eyes.

“Sadness, alone …want … so much want and tears … crying and crying and no one can hear, no one can see. Poor little girl. She’s lost … lost and frightened and searching ….searching for what? A way out … but out of where? Oh my yes … trying to get out of a prison is it? Yes, trapped, so trapped …and no way out. Poor little girl all alone. No one to play with. No one to talk to. No one to hold her. No one to teach her. No one to love her. Home … home … she wants to go home. Over and over again, she cries to go home, but there is no home to go to. She looks for her mommy, she looks everywhere and she looks so long but she can’t find her.
“And then … then there she is! So beautiful, so smart, so funny, so loving, so …everything she always wanted and needed. Mommy! Mommy! Here I am Mommy. See me, please see me. Want me. Love me. Take me home Mommy. I wanna go home. I wanna go home, but … but Mommy can’t reach you can she? Like Paula and Armando, the two of you are separated by a wide river with no bridge to cross. Her name is Lauri.”

Kathy was crying and rocking when Momma Rosa opened her eyes. “Little one and I do mean LITTLE ONE; you truly are the child of your stories and of your heart and the one that shows in your eyes. I do see you, just as Paula sees you and Lauri sees you. Don’t cry little one. I know you hurt and you are scared and you are frustrated, but I promise you, there is a bridge for you as well. This bridge will lead you home, home to the body and the family and the life you so long for. Trust me. This I know to be true.”

“But … but how and when?” Kathy cried

The old woman sighed, “Children have no patience and lots of questions. How? I do not know how, and I do not know exactly when, but soon, very soon. This I know.”

Paula reached out and took Kathy’s hand, tears of joy on both their cheeks.

“And I know something else.” Momma Rosa teased.

“What’s that?” The two women asked.

“Your food is ready.” she answered with a smile. As if on cue, and there probably had been one, the waiter returned with two heaping plates of pasta.

The old woman got up as the waiter served Paula and Kathy.

“Wait, please don’t go!” cried Kathy. “Tell us more.”

Momma Rose shook her head. “I’ve told you all I can. There is nothing more I can do. Eat, enjoy and when you find your bridge, your dream will come true.”

Without another word, she left them and returned to the kitchen. Paula and Kathy dug in to some of the best lasagne and garlic bread they’d ever eaten, but as good as the food was, the hope that Momma Rosa had given them that was even more satisfying, filling their hearts with joy.

When they finally finished they went to the counter to pay. Paula asked to speak to Momma Rosa but the cashier said she’d already left, but not without a final message. The cashier gave a note to Paula who read it aloud to Kathy.

“In your souls the two of you are connected as if you truly were sisters. Your destines are connected, too. Together, find the bridge that has one entrance but two exits, and each of you will find the dream and the love you seek.”

Kathy asked in disbelief, “One entrance but two exits?”

Paula shrugged her shoulders. She was just as puzzled by the riddle.

The two women walked out to the car. As they got in, Kathy looked at Paula. “So where do we go now?”

Paula smiled, “Where else! We’ve got go find that bridge!”

Paula started the car and off the two girls went on a bridge hunt.

For nearly four hours they drove all over and in every direction, and while they saw and crossed many bridges, they never saw one with two exits.

Finally Paula was getting low on gas and time, as she needed to return home to check on her son. Kathy was getting low on energy and her eyes were heavy. like a small child in need of a nap. Outside, the skies were darkening as clouds were moving in.
,
“Kitten”, Paula said softly. “I know you don’t want to stop anymore than I do, but I need to get home, and you need some sleep baby.”

Kathy’s eyes were tired and sad. “I just wanna find the bridge. I wanna go home Paula. I wanna go home.”

Paula sighed and tried to comfort her little sister. “I know baby. I know … and I want us both to find that bridge and go home, but I think we’ll have to look for it some more tomorrow, okay?”

Kathy slumped in her seat. “Okay, Paula.” She let out a heavy sigh.

The ride back toward Kathy’s house was quiet. Paula had to concentrate on driving, as a fog had rolled in. Beside her, Kathy could barely keep her eyes open.

By the time Paula was approaching the turn to Kathy’s street, the fog was so thick, she could barely see more than a few feet in front of her. She slowed down to a crawl as she made the turn, then slammed on the brakes when she suddenly she found herself at the entrance to a bridge that hadn’t been there when she’d picked Kathy up that afternoon.

The bridge was white, wooden and covered. Paula tried to see inside the bridge, but the fog was too thick. If she went forward, it would have to be on pure trust. Since the decision to go forward involved both girls’ destinies, Paula turned to wake Kathy.

Kathy, however, was sound asleep and Paula could not raise her. It was now up to her to decide. Go forward onto a bridge that should not even be there, that she could not see into, and could not be sure of where it would lead? She wanted to believe every word that Momma Rosa had said, but it all seemed too good to be true.

Paula thought for a moment and then shifted the transmission into drive. Everything she wanted and Kathy wanted could be on the other side of that bridge. She had to go for it. It was the only way home.

Paula slowly drove the car onto the bridge and once she did, all the lighting went out. She was totally in the dark. She could barely see Kathy sleeping. Now she was driving on pure faith, and all she could do was hope it would lead both her and Kathy to their dreams come true.

The car rolled slowly through the dark bridge for nearly two minutes which seemed like two hours to Paula. Then, finally, she saw a light, no … two lights in the distance. As Paula came closer to the end of the bridge it was obvious there were two exits on this bridge: one entrance but yet two exits. Her heart dared to hope what lie just ahead.

Paula finally stopped the car dead center between the two exits. She wasn’t sure what to do now. She looked through the windshield at each exit, but both were pure bright light, and she could not see beyond them. Again she tried to wake Kathy, but still she slept. Should she drive the car to the left exit or to the right? If she went to one, could she back up and then drive to the other?

Paula was faced with the biggest decision of her life, Her own life, and possibly Armando; or Kathy’s and Lauri’s lives if Momma Rosa was right. She had to choose right … or was it choose left? Not knowing what else to do, she closed her eyes and prayed for an angel to guide her.

A tapping on the passenger’s side glass alerted her that her angel had arrived. When she opened her eyes she was amazed to find she was no longer on the bridge, but parked in front of a lovely and familiar home, familiar like the face of the tapping angel, whose name was Lauri.

Paula leaned across the seat and unlocked the door. Lauri opened it with a smile.

“Hola Chica! Como esta?”

Paula smiled; she always liked it when Lauri spoke the little Spanish she knew.

She answered, “Bien … bien.”

Lauri looked down at the passenger seat. “So where’s my girl? I don’t mind if you sold her, just as long as I get half of what you got?”

Paula’s eyes went wide for a moment as she thought, “Her girl? … She means Kitten. But where is the Kitten? She was there when I closed my eyes.”

Then thoughts from a new reality started to filter in and she knew exactly where the Kitten was, and where she’d been since the drive to take her back home to Lauri.

“Home to Lauri”, she thought with a smile. Her heart was bursting with joy for her friend. She already knew what she’d find when she reached behind her and pulled the cover from the sleeping lump in the backseat.

Lauri laughed, “They always look like little angels when they’re sleeping, don’t they? It’s a shame they have to wake up and grow horns.”

Paula’s eyes misted as she saw the sleeping angel. Kathy, or now more aptly, Kitten, was now as she had always truly been in her heart: a little girl and Lauri’s daughter. She was curled up holding her favourite stuffy. Reddish blonde curls were a bit wild as one pig tail had come undone. Her eyes were closed but Paula knew those heartbreaking baby blues were there and waiting to open. She was wearing the same outfit that she’d been wearing when Paula had picked her up earlier today, but now it was as small as the little girl who wore it. One Mary Jane had slipped off during sleep and small white stocking toes wiggled as she snuggled under the blanket.

Lauri opened up the rear passenger door. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty! Time to get up.” She sang.

When there was no sign of movement, Lauri poked her in the ribs. “Hey Kitten! Pizza’s here!”

Kitten lifted her sleepy head and smiled at Lauri. “I want cheeeeeez.”

Lauri shook her head and laughed, “It works every time.”

Lauri unhooked her little one and grabbed Kitten’s Eeyore backpack with her free hand.

“Paula, thanks so much for taking her last night. With Erin and Samantha gone, and both of Jeff’s girls over at their mother’s, it was so nice to have a night alone.” Lauri smiled seductively, “You know what I mean.”

Paula giggled, as indeed she did.

Kitten was wobbling, still half asleep in the back seat and trying to find her foot with the shoe that had fallen off. Lauri rolled her eyes and sighed as she took the shoe from her daughter and put it on for her.

“Was she any trouble last night? Honestly just let me know. Jeff and I really enjoy beating the kids!”

Paula laughed again. That was one of those things she loved most about Lauri. She had this wonderful offbeat sense of humour. Lauri was a wonderful loving mother, however she always loved to joke about being anything but that.

More memories came flooding back to Paula and she was able to answer the question honestly. “No she was a good girl. She helped me with Darian and played with him and … Kenya loves her. They had so much fun together. They were like sisters. She coloured a lot and watched television and she ate very good. Oh … and she’s trying very hard to learn Spanish. Kenya had her counting to five, almost ten.”

Lauri smiled. “Oh, she smart alright. She’s got Jeff wrapped around her little finger, and she knows how to work those eyes and that smile. I can’t imagine where she learned those things.” Lauri batted her big eyes and smiled sweetly to show Kitten had gotten those things from her Momma.

Lauri finally got Kitten to the edge of the backseat. “C’mon let’s go. I’m not carrying you in. You can walk. You don’t have your leg chains on … yet.”

Kitten put both feet down and wobbled a bit. She was barely more than sleepwalking, and her knee buckled on the first step she took. Lauri snatched up the lightweight easily and placed her on her hip.

“Okay you little faker. I’ll carry you in, but this is going to cost you. You only get half a portion of kitten chow for dinner, and two beatings tonight instead of one.”

Paula rolled her eyes and scolded her best friend, “Lauri! You are so bad!”

Lauri smiled devilishly. “Yes I know, but I’m so good at it. And the kids don’t say anything. They know if they do I’ll lock them in their cages and beat them in places that bruises don’t show. They only WISH I’d sell them some time.”

“No … it’s not true Lauri and you know it.” Paula said as she smiled knowingly

Kitten laid her head on her mommy’s shoulder and cuddled, which made Lauri sigh and roll her eyes. “Yeah I know, but a girl’s gotta dream right?”

“Mommy?” came a sleepy little Kitten voice.

“She ran away.” Lauri quipped.

Kitten shook her head and smiled. “You’re Mommy. I love you. Am I home?”

“Yes my Kitten. You’re home. We tried to talk Paula into keeping, you but your father and I couldn’t raise enough money to pay her, so she brought you back.”

Kitten smiled and hugged her Mommy tighter.

Lauri shook her head. “I really need to quit hitting her in the head. I think it’s starting to do serious damage.”

“Lauri!” Paula scolded her playfully again.

Lauri winked and then prompted her daughter. “Tell Paula thank you for having you over?”

Kitten opened those big baby blues of hers and smiled. “Thank you Paula. Tank you for everything.”

“Oh you are welcome, my little Kitten. You can come visit any time.”

“Really Paula”, Lauri said seriously. “Thanks so much for taking her last night, and you let me know when you want me to take Kenya and Darian, okay? I’m sure you can use a little alone time with hubby yourself.”

Paula blushed. “Oh yeah ...”

“See you at work on Monday” Lauri said as she closed the door with her free hand.

“Bye Lauri, bye Kitten”, Paula said as she waved.

Lauri waved and so did Kitten. The little one’s smile seemed to be bigger than she was.

Paula watched them head to the house where Jeff stood in the door waiting. She sat in the car until all three had disappeared into the house. She could barely believe what had happened, but in her heart and in head she knew it was true. Somehow reality had changed, and a new one had taken its place.

In this new one Paula still worked at the factory, but Kathy had never worked there. How could she? She was only five years old. Lauri and Jeff were married and had been for nearly as long as Kitten had been alive. Yes, Paula had lost one sister, but she’d gained a sister in Lauri and best of all, a very happy niece in Kitten.

Tears of joy fell from Paula’s face. Kathy had found her exit off the bridge and it was everything she’d ever dreamed of and Paula was so happy, but what about the second exit? She was no longer on the bridge. How did she find her exit? How could she reach her dream come true?

“Calm yourself, Paula”, she said as she took a deep breath.

She had been on the bridge and then she closed her eyes and … and then when she opened them she was here … here at what had to be Kathy’s exit. If she closed her eyes again, would she be back on the bridge or at her exit? Paula looked around Kitten’s new world and thought that even if she didn’t find her exit, she was already in a good place. She had a job, she had friends, she had her children and she had a husband.

“A husband!” Yes, Lauri had said she would be willing to take her kids so she could have some alone time with her husband, but … who was her husband? She could not remember. Was it Fernando? She hoped not or was it someone new or … or could it be Armando? She did not know. She could remember everything else in this new world, but not the name or face of her husband.

Knowing there was nothing she could do but what she had done before, she closed her eyes and hoped she would find her way to her gate just as Kathy had.

Paula closed her eyes and suddenly she relaxed. Sleep was calling her, and she answered.

“Paula are you awake?” came a voice in the darkness.

Paula opened one eye and found herself no longer in the car, but lying down on a soft mattress. She tried to see clearly but the room was dark. She felt a cold chill and snuggled for the warmth she found in the strong arms of the man that voice belonged to.

“You can sleep a little longer if you want. We don’t have to worry about the kids.”

“The kids!” she cried as she bolted upright.

A loving but firm hand caressed her bare shoulder. “The kids are at Lauri and Jeff’s. Remember? We took Kitten last Saturday, and they took Kenya and Darian this Saturday so we could have a night alone? And oh my love, what a night we had.”

Paula sighed dreamily as memories of last night; the NEW last night came flooding back. After dropping the kids off at Lauri’s she came home to find rose petals greeting her at the front door. She’d followed them to the bedroom which was lit with candles and there in the centre of the bed, smiling, ready and waiting for his wife was … was … YES! Armando! Armando!

She shouted his name. “Armando it’s you!”

The very handsome, older but still young at heart hubby smiled at her. “Yes …it’s me. Where you expecting Antonio Banderas?”

She took his face in her hands, feeling the stubble of his unshaven face and bringing her mouth close to his. She whispered, “Oh no, my love, I only have eyes and lips for you.”

She kissed him as passion stirred within her and ROSE from Armando (Giggle).

Gently she led him and he followed willingly. He lay back on the bed and she hovered over him, preparing to do her best version of Mujeres Arriba (Woman on Top).

She smiled seductively at him. “If you think we had a great night, then oh, are you ever going to love this morning.”

With those words the two became one and all was as it should be.

Hugs and love from the Kitten.

Edited by Holly H Hart

Cassie and Brian are best friends, sharing just about everything, including a life-long love of basketball. But what they don't share is Brian's deepest secret.

ONE LAST SHOT
By Maggie the Kitten

Author's Foreword and Dedication: Although written before I had met and grew to love Rebecca Anne Stewart; affectionately called Becky by all those who knew her in the chatroom. The resemblance between her and the character Becky Taylor/Chandler was and is uncanny. So I will dedicate this story to her, my beloved friend and playmate, Becky Stewart. You are still very loved and very much missed…

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Ten year old Becky Chandler stood at the free throw line waiting for the referee to hand her the ball. She was the only player on the court, as time had already expired. Normally when the buzzer sounds and time expires, the game is over; however, unusual situations can occur that can prolong the game beyond its scheduled conclusion.

In basketball, a game cannot end in a tie or on a shooting foul. Both were prolonging today's game. The final outcome of today's game laid squarely on the shoulders, or more aptly, the left hand of young Becky.

The young player had chased down a long rebound, turned, and fired a high arching fifteen-foot “Hail Mary" from the baseline, as time expired. Not only did her prayer get answered in the form of a dead on swish, but the bigger defensive player, in a frantic attempt to block her shot, crashed into her just as she released the ball. The obvious contact drew a foul on the Braves’ player and placed Becky on the free throw line with one shot to win the game.

Technically, if she missed her free throw, the Knights wouldn't lose. Being still tied, the game would then go into an overtime session, but Becky knew with two girls having fouled out, and Mandy playing hurt, the Knights could not survive three more minutes against the deeper and more talented Braves. No, if the Knights were to go on to play for the state championship, Becky's last shot would have to take them there. Having the fate of your team and of a season, resting on your shot, would put an enormous amount of pressure on an adult, but for a ten-year-old girl, it would seem to be overwhelming. Yet, Becky wasn't like most ten-year-old girls. She had dealt with great pressure situations for most of her life. In fact, she had faced this very same situation before. It was many years and a whole life ago, but the painful memory was still fresh in her mind.

**********

The year was 1978. It was the era of bell-bottoms and black lights. Star Wars and Saturday Night Fever was the hot movies to see. Kiss battled the Bee Gees and the Bay City Rollers for teen music supremacy, and the Washington Bullets wrapped up their first NBA title that spring.

Yet, for Brian Baker, the defining moment of 1978 came while standing on the free throw line, and alone on the court. It was a chance for the young sophomore guard to finally measure up in the eyes of his teammates, his coach, and his father. He had been given the chance to be the kind of storybook hero that every kid who's ever shot hoops dreams of. Yet a more unlikely hero than Brian Baker would be hard to find. The five foot, eight-inch, one hundred-ten pound guard was the last player off the Pine Haven bench. During the regular season, he played in but a handful of games, and then for just the last few minutes of a contest long since decided.

Brian really wasn't a bad ball player. There was no questioning his heart, or of player ethic. He loved the game, as much as any player out there, but with his slight frame, he was routinely outmuscled, and out ran by the more muscular, more athletic boys. Physical problems weren't Brian's only nemesis. Among his own teammates he was somewhat of an outcast. Teenagers are pack animals by nature, and adept at sensing those teens who don't belong, or are perceived as being inferior. Once singled out and deemed inferior, these kids are subject to extreme persecution, and acts of cruelty. Brian was obviously different, and they knew it. In their eyes, he would never belong.

Brian was quiet, shy, sensitive, and nearly impossible to anger. He professed no interest in drugs, booze, fast cars, or faster women. Actually, he was terrified of driving as a result of a car accident he had been in as a child. So while most guys were working to build an automotive form of their manhood, Brian pedaled the same bicycle he'd ridden since junior high. He did have a girl in his life. She was his best friend, but she played on the girl's basketball team, which, in the eyes of most of the boys, made her true feminine identity suspect and her sexual preference most likely lesbian. She was quite definitely not acceptable as suitable girlfriend materiel among an elitist group like the boy’s varsity basketball team.

Brian failed to not only live the role of "high school jock"; he failed to look it too. Being shorter and lighter than most boys his age didn't help his male prowess. While most boys were in the midst of a growth spurt that would make them physically men, Brian's body had yet to be sculpted by testosterone. He was athletic, but too slender, and he lacked the broad shoulders and barrel chest covered with hair most of his teammates were developing. His skin was still smooth, and while most guys cultivated side burns and nursed a chocolate milk moustache, Brian didn't have enough facial hair to shave. Shoulder length, sandy brown hair, straight bangs, and large blue eyes, were attributes too feminine on a face lacking any real male qualities to tone them down. His under developed body turned showering after practice into a daily trip through hell.

No matter how fast Brian tried to make it through the showers, he was never quick enough to escape without someone commenting on his manhood, or lack of it. It became so painful, that Brian quit showering after practice, half way through his sophomore season. Brian certainly didn't fit in with his teammates or most of his male classmates, and he faired little better with his coach.

Coach Lynch did not like Brian, didn't think he belonged on the team, and didn't hide the fact that he felt that way. Brian became his personal whipping boy, constantly and mercilessly berated for every actual or perceived mistake Brian would make. If Lynch would have had his say, Brian would have been gone on the first cut, but he didn't have his say. The athletic director made it quite clear to Lynch that Brian had better make the team or else. Brian Baker's ability never got him past the first cut; it was all a matter of genetics. More accurately, he was the son of Bryce Baker; Pine Haven's all time leading scorer, and living sports legend.

Actually, having to keep Brian turned out better for Coach Lynch, as he could take out his vengeance on a daily basis.

Coach Lynch knew Bryce well. He had played along side him for four years, although it might be more apt to say he played in his shadow, as did most of Bryce's teammates. Bryce had been and still was arrogant and condescending, and Lynch never forgot the way Bryce treated his teammates or him as today's team's coach. Lynch would have loved to cut the son of the great Bryce Baker, but the athletic director was looking for a way to boost attendance for the losing program, and having the son of a legend on the team seemed like a good way.

Being the son of a high school sport legend was no more enjoyable for Brian, than was being coached by a man who hated him because of it. And Bryce Baker had expected big things from his son, and not just on the basketball court, but in his social life too. Yet, by age 16, it was becoming apparent to Bryce that his son was never going to be the athlete or popular young man with the ladies that he had been. Brian failed each expectation his father had set for him, and as he became more withdrawn, his father became angrier and then sarcastic and finally more and more verbally cruel. Yet, as Brian stood at that free throw line, he had one chance, possibly his last chance to turn it all around, with his teammates, his coach, his father, and himself. It was a flat out miracle that he even had this chance. As with most heroes, fate played an all too prominent role in Brian's chance for redemption. With eight seconds to go, Pine Haven was down one point, but had possession of the ball. Not surprisingly, Brian was at the end of the bench as usual. He hadn't played one minute in this game or in either of the two tournament games preceding this one.

Brian had looked on, along with the some 7,000 Pine Haven faithful who had packed their home gym, as the Pioneer's worked for one last shot. With the clock ticking towards zero, Steve Smith had shaken his man and made a back door cut to the hoop. Chris Pearson saw him break and laid a perfect pass just above the rim. All eyes were on Smith as the ball came to his outstretched hands. Just as he was about to slam home the final two points and vault his team into the next round, a Yorktown player cut his legs out from under him, sending the ball bouncing high off the iron, and Smith crashing hard to the floor, as the buzzer sounded.

Both benches emptied, and fans poured from the stands as referees desperately tried to regain control. After about five minutes, order was restored, and the team doctor had examined Steve. He was going to be all right but his right wrist was fractured in the fall. He would be unable to shoot the two free throws he had been awarded from the foul. According to state high school rules, "If a player is unable to shoot foul shots due to an injury, then the opposing coach is allowed to select a player at his discretion to shoot the free throws."

The Yorktown coach surveyed the Pine Haven bench and conferred with his assistant before settling his eyes on Pine Haven's last man, Brian Baker. The Yorktown coach informed the referee of his choice, and the referee in turn informed Coach Lynch. Lynch squeezed and broke the grease pen in his hand, before turning his eyes to Brian and shouting his name. Brian's eyes grew wide, and a lump formed in his throat as he pulled off his warm-ups and approached the coach. Lynch was seething with rage as he regarded his young player.

Placing his face within an inch of Brian's, he spoke through clenched teeth. "All right Baker, God knows you don't deserve to even wear this uniform, but you've been given a chance to be a real hero, just like your old man." He smiled sarcastically, "You're a smart guy... do some math for me. You got two free throws. Hit one and we're tied. Hit both of them, we win, and you're the hero." His voice lowered to a whisper, "You miss them both, we lose the game, and 7,000 people will see what a real loser you are. Now get out there and make those free throws."

On the heels of the world's worst inspirational speech, Brian walked onto the court, head down, eyes focused on the glare off the parquet floor. The crowd was cheering wildly until they saw it was Brian Baker entering the game. Cat calls, boos, and moans rained down from the crowd, as the referee handed Brian the ball. Bryce Baker, who had spent most of the game starring down at the bleachers, stood when he noticed his son entering the game. Cassie, Brian's best friend and fellow hoops junkie, stood next to Bryce with her hands clasped together, saying a silent prayer for Brian.

The fans finally quieted, and held their collective breaths, as Brian stood alone on the line. His palms were sweating, and he felt like his heart would come bursting through his chest at any moment. He tried to clear his head. He pictured making the shot in his mind. He had made this shot a thousand times before in practice, but this was for a trip to the state capital, a chance at a title, and in front of 7,000 people. He imagined he was back on Cassie's court, where hitting the last shot meant nothing more than bragging rights for the day. There were seldom more than Cassie and him in attendance, and he was confident there.

"Breathe," he thought, "For God's sake, breathe before you pass out." He let out a sigh, dribbled the ball three times, bent his knees and squared to shoot. One thing he knew, he 'had' to make the first shot. That guaranteed at least an overtime session, and took most of the pressure off the second shot. Brian locked his gaze on the front of the rim and lofted the ball toward it. As the ball left his fingertips he prayed, "Oh God, please let it go in, just for once in my life, let me do something right!"

All eyes in the gym were trained on the ball as it headed toward the rim. It was dead on, but just a little strong, as it kissed off the back of the iron, and then hit the inside front of the rim. The ball ricocheted back in forth like a giant leather pinball, before jumping straight up, rolling slowly off the rim, and finally bouncing to the floor.

Boos and groans from a crowd that sensed victory slipping away, filled the gym. Brian's heart sank, and his knees buckled. The referee handed the ball back to Brian, the crowd quieted again. Brian tired to reach back for confidence that neither his coach nor father had instilled within him. He raised the basketball from his chest, but found it now weighed a hundred pounds, and the goal had risen to fifty feet in height. He arched the ball toward the rim, extending his left hand out to follow the flight, but it was hopelessly short and flat. The ball bounced hard off the rim, taking with it, Pine Haven's title hopes, and Brian's last chance for redemption. The Yorktown team and their small following of fans cheered wildly. The Pine Haven fans booed, while cups and programs rained down onto the court. The bleachers had become a sea of angry fans. Brian's teammates dropped their heads in disappointment, and Coach Lynch fired his clipboard across the court.

Bryce Baker, just for one moment, seemed to have fatherly compassion in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced by the fiery anger that so often greeted Brian. He stormed through the exiting crowd and onto the court. Brian had collapsed to his knees, buried his face in his hands, and was sobbing uncontrollably, when Bryce walked up to him.

"Damn it Brian, how many times have I told you arch the ball on a free throw? All those hours of practice we put in...." Bryce's voice trailed off as he noticed his son was crying loudly, "Jesus Brian, get up off the floor and dry your eyes. I work with some of these people. It's going to be hard enough on me tomorrow as it is!"

Bryce's words drifted into Brian's mind, and he looked up at his father. Sixteen years of pent up anger exploded when he finally addressed Bryce. "How hard it's going to be on you…How freaking hard it's going to be on you!" Brian shook as his voice filled with rage. "You want to know about hard, Dad? Let me tell you about hard. Hard is playing for a coach who carries a sick twenty-year vendetta against your father, and takes it out on you every time you walk into practice. Hard is being ridiculed, humiliated, hated and beaten by classmates and teammates who think you are some kind of queer, sick bastard who threatens their fragile manhood." Brian smiled for a moment before speaking. "Funny thing is, even while they are beating the hell out of you, you know they are still scared of you." Brian shook his head, gulped for air, and wiped the tears from his eyes, before starring directly into the eyes of his dumbstruck father. "But you know what the hardest thing of all is? That's growing up without a father. I never had a father. I was raised by a damn living legend! The greatest player to walk the halls of Pine Haven High School! You know, I remember when we moved here. You said it was so I could follow in your footsteps, and make my mark at the same school you did. Well God knows I tried...I tried so damn hard, but I was never good enough was I? Never good enough to be the son of a legend!"

Bryce was still reeling, but he tried to collect his thoughts enough to respond. Brian wasn't finished and wasn't about to give his father a chance to stop him now. "You always said it was all for me, but now I realize that was just bullshit. It was 'never' about me! It's always been about what 'you' wanted! You said you wanted me to go on and play ball for West Virginia. I could get a degree and be a college basketball star. That's not my dream. It's yours and you blew it when they kicked you off the team your freshman year. You just want a second chance through me!"

There, he'd said it. His father the high school star didn't last one season at the university. His "one man team" attitude didn't fly at the college level, and he was eventually kicked off as a disciplinary action. He quit school before his freshman year was complete. This was one thing that was never mentioned in the Baker household, but Brian wasn't holding anything back now. "You know Dad, come to think of it, I was never really on this team. That was you too, wasn't it? Hell, you should have walked out of the stands and made the free throw shots! We all know that 'you' would have hit them...So, what are you waiting for, Legend? Why don't you go over there, pick up the ball and make the damn free throws! But most of all, will you just leave me the hell alone!"

Bryce Baker's hands were balled into fists, his face was filled with rage, and he was shaking. Brian expected the worst beating of his life and right there in the middle of the school gym, but much to his surprise, he didn't get it. He didn't even get hollered at. The legendary Bryce Baker drew back a fist, regarded his son, and then lowered his arm. Bryce shook his head. The rage left him and was replaced by pain.

In a cloud of despair, Bryce just turned and walked toward the exit while his son collapsed on the floor, choking and sobbing.

Cassie, tears running in broad rivulets down her own cheeks, knelt down beside her fallen friend and hugged him. She sat there holding him tightly, gently rocking side-to-side until everyone else had left the gym.

Gently, she finally nudged, "C'mon Brian.... let's go home."

Both rose up off the floor and Brian looked into Cassie's eyes as he spoke. "Okay Cass...I don't care where we go. We'll go any place you want, but please Cass, don't make me go to my house."

Cassie put her head on Brian's shoulder; as they walked out of the gym, arm in arm.

A few disgruntled fans milling about the parking lot caught sight of Brian and Cassie as the two headed toward Cassie's light blue firebird. A rock ricocheted off the passenger's door, as Brian waited for Cassie to open it from the inside. Another one whizzed by Brian's head as he turned to find the students heading his way in a trot.

Brian got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach as both fear and anger gripped him. He thought, "Why can't they just leave me alone. It's not like I tried to miss those shots. Oh God, I don't want to fight anyone. I don't want to fight anyone!"

Brian's concentration was broken when Cassie opened the door and motioned him in. "Hurry up Brian! C'mon, get in!"

Brian jumped into the passenger side bucket seat, and Cassie hit the gas before Brian could get the door closed. Cassie scattered gravel and dust all over the parking lot as she left her pursuers in the rear view mirror. Brian sat with his head down, starring silently into his lap. Cassie was anything 'but' silent.

She was livid, and her emotions poured out as she spoke. "Oh...these people are such jerks! It makes me so mad! How can they stand there, cussing, booing, and throwing things like that? You know, I'd like to see any one of them stand out there and have to make those shots. I bet they'd be so scared they wouldn't even be able to shoot the ball. If they had any idea of how hard we work, how hard we try, how hard it is to lose, and how much it hurts to lose, they wouldn't act like that. I mean some of those brain dead acid heads are so fried they don't even realize they're at a basketball game, but I saw parents, and grandparents shouting hate, and throwing things at you... " Cassie's voice trailed off as she glanced over at her best friend and realized she was just making him relive the nightmare.

She forced up a smile and spoke, "Hey Brian, you want to crash at my house tonight. Mom and Dad won't care. Tomorrow's Saturday, we can stay up late, maybe get some pizza, watch movies, and shoot hoops... " Cassie cringed as the word "hoops" escaped her. "Sorry Brian, first I go on and on about the game, and then I ask you if you want to shoot hoops. Guess sometimes I just go off without thinking."

Brian gazed up at his best friend, his only friend, and regarded her. It he had to choose one word to describe her it would have to be "passion." She showed it in everything she did, from the love and loyalty she felt toward her family and best friend, to the way she played basketball whenever she stepped on a court. You could hear the passion in her voice when she spoke of things she loved. You could see it in her green eyes when they sparkled with strong emotions.

Those deep green eyes were the perfect compliment to her strawberry blonde hair. More often than not, she kept it up in a neat, tight ponytail with straight bangs cut just above her eyebrows. A few stray strands fell just in front of each ear, and framed her round freckled face. Aside from her emerald beauties, her most powerful feature, if not most prominent, was her smile. It would start as an impish grin, just turning at the corners of her mouth, before becoming a full fledged, disarming smile. Brian had found out that the combination of her eyes and magical smile, were almost impossible to resist. No matter how angry or sad Brian might be, Cassie could always get him to smile, just by smiling at him.

In Brian's eyes she was beautiful; maybe not the "Farah Fawcett" poster beautiful that every guy seemed to lust for, but more of a natural beauty, that Brian thought was very attractive. She had a healthy glow from the passion within, and the sun that had lightly tanned her face. A clear complexion gave her a 'pixie' glow and radiance that no amount of Max Factor could duplicate. She didn't have the willowy body of a fashion diva, or even a disco queen, as her hips and waist were never destined to wear a size 5. At sixteen years old, she was nearly as tall as Brian, but carried a stockier, more athletic frame and outweighed him by twenty pounds. To Brian, she was one of those rare girls who could be strong, competitive, and athletic, without sacrificing her softness or femininity in either appearance or personality. Added to all that was a "Peter Pan" quality that made children adore her, and to Brian, simply put, she was the perfect girl.

The teens had become friends from the moment they met. Brian's family had just moved into the house next door to Cassie, and Brian was sitting next to his second story bedroom window, depressed and starring at a school picture of a friend he had left behind when his family moved into Jamestown. Lost in his despair, he hadn't seen nor heard young Cassie riding her bike in the lot separating their two houses. But she had noticed him, when she saw the moving van unloading furniture into the "old Turner place", and quite frankly, had liked what she had seen.

Noticing him sitting in the window she had tried to get his attention by riding back and forth on the trails directly in front of his view. Having failed that, she had selected a more direct, "Cassie" approach, and began pelting the siding and his window with small pebbles. The "Cassie's Attention Getter" assault had been a success. Brian had turned and looked down to see the smiling, freckled face of his assailant. The boy had opened the window and leaned his head out.

He was greeted by a wave, and a friendly voice. "Hey, what ya doing?"

Brian, still lingering in the fog of depression, answered with little emotion. "That's a silly question. We're moving in."

Cassie, noticeably dissatisfied with that reply, put her hands on her hips, rolled her eyes, and clicked her tongue, before speaking again. "I know.... that! I mean what are 'you' doing?"

Cassie's words finally penetrating Brian's fog and he gave her a more suitable answer. "Just sitting here, looking at the picture of my friend from my old neighborhood. I sure do miss him."

Cassie considered his sad words for a moment, and answered as only Cassie could. "Wow, that's sad, but you know....sitting there and looking at his picture, ain't gonna bring him back." Cassie's smiled broadened. "Wouldn't you rather come out and ride the wild hills with me?"

Cassie's words and their directness caught Brian a little off guard, and he stammered a bit. "Well....I um...um...."

Cassie jumped on his indecision. "You 'do' know how to ride a bike don't ya?"

Brian answered quickly, "Of course I know how to ride a bike."

Cassie wasn't through yet. "Do you got a bike?"

Brian again answered quickly. "Sure I do. Got a Schwinn Stingray!" He said the last sentence with some pride, as Schwinn was considered top of the line and The Stingray was popular among young trail bike riders.

Cassie had him hooked now. "Well...are you gonna come out and ride?"

Brian had fell victim to her charms. It was the first time, but by no means to be the last time. "I guess so. I just got to ask my mom." Brian had pulled his head back into the window and started to close it when Cassie hollered up.

"Hey, what's your name? Mine's Cassie."

Brian had quickly stuck his head back out the window and hollered. "I'm Brian, Brian Baker."

Cassie had nodded and said, "I'll be waiting, and I hope you really can ride cause some of these hills are awesome."

Brian's had face lit up, and he carried a smile all the way down the back stairs and into the kitchen. It was time; Brian hadn't smiled since they'd left the old house. Cassie had rescued him from his lonely room. It would be the first of many rescues by Cassie. Over the next 12 years, she was the one person who he knew would always be there.

A slight smile pursed at Brian's lips; a picture formed in his mind. It was of a knight in shining armor approaching his house, but instead of being astride a fiery steed, this brave knight had ridden a light blue girl's bicycle as a mount. The fantasy knight dismounted, set the kickstand, and gazed up to the tower window. Then the knight tossed several pebbles at the window. Seated at the window, in deep despair, was the fairy tale princess. She had a tall hat, elegant gown, and flowing brown tresses. When she turned to face the valiant knight, the princess bore the face of Brian Baker. As the princess gazed down, the knight removed his helmet and strawberry blonde curls fell over the knight's shoulders. A familiar smile graced his lips. It was unmistakably Cassie.

The brave knight returned the gaze of the isolated princess, dropped to one knee, placed one hand over his heart; the other extended toward the princess. The white knight calmly prepared to speak, and then in the unmistakable voice of ten-year-old Cassie utters, "So ya wanna ride bikes, or what?"

It was so strangely true and yet too ridiculous to take serious; Brian began giggling uncontrollably. Cassie with one hand on the steering wheel and one eye on the road, eyed her friend suspiciously, "What.... What's so funny?"

Brian, trying to suppress the urge to continue laughing, answered in his best medieval English, "Why, nothing t'all, Me Lord Lancelot!"

Cassie, a bit confused, but glad to see her new friend smiling, returned the smile with one of her own and quipped, "I don't 'even' want to know what that's all about."

Reaching over with her right hand, she took his hand in hers and spoke. "C'mon you goof. Let's pick up a pizza from Li'l Italy's, and we'll go back to my house." She then added with that magical smile, "And oh yeah...you're buying!"

Thus it was the brave knight had rescued the helpless princess, and all it cost the princess was a large pepperoni with extra cheese. It really didn't matter how the knight made it to the princess, be it by a light blue bicycle, or a 1976 firebird of the same color, the princess knew the knight would always be there.

****************

The referee handed Becky the ball. She shot a glance over to her team's bench. She saw her seven teammates holding hands, and saying silent prayers. Next to them, stood Cassie, and although it had been nearly thirty years and another life ago, she still had the sparkling green eyes, magic smile, and Peter Pan aura. She met Becky's gaze, and then gently nodded, as if to repeat the words she had just whispered .

Becky smiled back at Cassie before turning to face the basket. Cassie's words were fresh in her mind, "We've practiced this a million times..." In reality, they probably had shot about a million foul shots. Not long after they discovered their mutual love of wild-trail bike riding, they realized they were both hoop junkies. Each one had come about it differently, but both loved the sport.

For Brian, the only child of Charlotte and Bryce Baker, basketball wasn't an option it was his preordained destiny. Bryce, basketball legend, from the same high school his son would attend, was determined to make Brian a legend as well.

Bryce wasted little time in getting Brian introduced to the sport. He was bouncing a basketball almost before he could walk. By age 5, Bryce had already put him on a daily workout routine. A lot of children might have resented being force fed a single activity from such a young age, but Brian honestly grew to love the game. Yet, even if he hadn't, he never would have told his father. He loved him, and the hours they spent together.

For Cassie, basketball or sports for that matter was a true period of self-discovery. At a young age, boys and girls play the same games together. The lot between Cassie and Brian's house became a field for kickball, football, and baseball. Cassie took to all three like the natural athlete she was. With her freckled face, baseball cap, ponytail, jeans, and scruffy shoes, she looked just like, "Li'l Sport" the tomboy logo atop the local market. By the time Brian's family had bought the house adjacent the lot, Cassie was a ten-year-old sports legend of her own. She could catch, kick, pass, and hit with any boy on the field. She loved all sports, but she found her true love and gift on the basketball court.

Originally, her parents had built the full-length basketball court complete with night-lights for her older brother Brad when he had turned 10. Brad had played two seasons of junior league basketball at the community center, and then spent an entire winter begging his parents to build him his own court. Brad lost interest with basketball before the court had even been around a summer. Racing bikes became his latest obsession, and over the years, it was just one of many. Brad rarely ventured on the court again, but Cassie was hooked from the first shot she rolled in. Soon, basketball became her primary sports passion, and she began a quest to see just how good she could become.

Brian had turned 10, shortly before moving into the new house. His father had a basketball goal up in the driveway, before they had finished unpacking. By now, Brian had been recognized as one of the best players for his age group. His father was proud of him, but felt if Brian was going to become a star; it was time to step up the workouts, in pressure, duration, and expectations. Brian worked to the point of exhaustion for his father's workouts, but Brian was undersized for his age even then. He didn't have the strength or stamina to excel at workouts that were better suited for a high school student. Brian began to fail. With each missed shot, his father's anger and frustration escalated. Realizing his son wasn't quite the natural he had been, he decided he would take an even stricter, disciplinarian approach to bring the talent from within him. He was determined to make him a star at any cost. After months and months of grueling, marathon work out sessions, the only thing Bryce had done was to drive his son to exhaustion and tears.

One of Cassie's most painful memories, of her early years as Brian's friend, was sitting by her bedroom window, sometimes as late as eleven o'clock, and hearing Bryce Baker screaming and berating Brian for each of his perceived failures. Cassie became all too familiar with phrases like "Damn it Brian, do it again!" or, "How many times is it going to take for you to get it right?" and, "What the hell do you call that?" then, "You are hopeless, and pathetic. I don't know why I waste my time!" Bryce slamming the door and turning off the light as he went into the house often followed the last phrase. Finally, Cassie would hear the worst sound of all, Brian sobbing beneath the goal in the now darkened driveway.

While Bryce was driving a wedge between himself and his son, he hadn't completely destroyed Brian's love of basketball. Brian and Cassie shared their love on what all the kids referred to as "Cassie's Court." While their games of one on one, and spirited workouts were as grueling as some of the workouts Brian's father had drug him through, they were far more enjoyable with Cassie there.

At age 11 and 12, they were about the same size. Cassie was a little heavier, Brian a little quicker. Cassie was a deadeye shooter. Brian was a tireless defender. Their games brought out the best basketball in both of them, and offered Brian a welcome place to release the tensions he had from home.

Brian enjoyed playing against Cassie, but he loved playing on the same team with her. They could anticipate each other's every move and routinely beat any two boys who were foolish enough to challenge them.

By the time Cassie and Brian had turned 13, they had become inseparable friends, part in fact to their kindred spirits, and part in fact that both were becoming social outcasts among their own kind.

Being a tomboy can be cute and acceptable when a girl's 8 years old, but by 12 she's expected to trade in her mitt, and eye black for cheerleader pom-pom's and make-up. Tiger Beat magazine replaces baseball cards on your shelf, and you begin the process of going from being a perfectly normal girl, to as Cassie phrased it, a "mindless little giggle wiggle." Those who had supposedly seen the light--the light being generated by those surrounding a make-up mirror--considered any girl not following this path as unacceptable friendship material. The boys felt any girl good enough to beat them at sports just couldn't be a girl.

Brian faired no better than Cassie. While gaining a measure of respect from his peers on both the playing field and basketball court, he failed in nearly every other aspect. Socialization is normally difficult for children who are the only child. The fact that Brian was smallish, shy, soft spoken, and sensitive, made him an easy target for bullies, and abuse from cruel and insensitive children. It got worse for Brian as he got older. Testosterone flaring adolescents made him a prime abuse target whenever they wanted to show off in front of their, "little giggle wiggle."

Bryce Baker did nothing to help his son's image among his peers. On more than one occasion, Brian would have a friend sleep over, and Bryce would push the kids out onto the basketball court to play one on one. Bryce's incessant yelling at Brian took any fun out of the activity either child might have experienced from their play, and few boys returned for a second visit. It wasn't long before Brian became known as "that weird boy, with the weird father, who lives next to that weird girl, Cassie".

Growing up is a trying time for all adolescents. For teenagers self-acceptance is often tied to social acceptance. Cassie and Brian's self-perceptions, suffered from being social outcasts, but in their darkest hours they knew they always had "Cassie's Court," and each other.

High school would usher in more dark days for both of them, but far more for Brian. Both kids started Pine Haven High School at age 14. Both were good students, and maintained a B+ average for all four years. Both suffered the stigma of being social outcasts, and both of them made their high school basketball teams. At that point, the similarity ended. Brian sat on the bench for two agonizing years, while his coach waged his personal vendetta on the Baker family. Cassie became the first freshman girl to start varsity, led her team in scoring and assists every year she played, and when she finished her career at Pine Haven, she was the girls all time leading scorer.

Girl's sports at that time received little respect or appreciation, but Cassie's freshman year had been so undeniably spectacular, that she began to receive some acceptance from the teachers and students who could appreciate the quality of her play. Cassie was really good, in fact, she was the best, and like anyone who aspires to be the best, that "best" usually comes at a price. Cassie paid that price every time she opted to practice when every other girl was out at the disco, or the shopping center, or just hanging around and doing nothing. Cassie rarely received invites, and had few girl friends.

With each party she passed on, the invites became fewer, and the friends less in number. She hadn't been invited to a sleep over since she was 12 years old. None of this was really new to her. She had been dealing with it for several years, but when a girl gets in high school, it's only normal to want friends, friends of both sexes. In four years of high school, Cassie could count all of her dates on one hand.

It wasn't that Cassie was unattractive; on the contrary she was cute. She didn't wear disco dresses to school, or put on her make-up with a cement trowel, but she always tried to look nice, and still casual. She wore jeans, blouses, light make-up, her signature ponytail, and that irrepressible smile. Still, the fact that she could beat all but a handful of boys, playing one on one on the basketball court, made her too non-female, and threatening; most boys' egos couldn't stand knowing a girl could beat them. Cassie's social life in high school was unfulfilling, but she did have a loving family and a great best friend. It would be enough to see her through four years at Pine Haven.

Brian could have been the 1970's poster boy for "social unacceptability." He was a member of the varsity basketball team, but his own members didn't accept him. Being pegged as a jock, he was denied admittance to the other social groups.

Brian's success with the girls mirrored that of Cassie's with the boys. He was only 5' 9” by his junior year, yet, and as always underweight. He picked up three inches and was 6 foot tall by graduation, but even then, he had nothing to go with the height. He wasn't ugly, just not attractive. He lacked the strong masculine features most boys have developed by the time they graduate. With baggy sweats, basketball t-shirts, long straight hair, and a stooped shoulder stance from always walking with his head down, he wasn't about to make any girl mistake him for John Travolta. Not having a boy friend bothered Cassie sometimes, but Brian didn't really mind. It just gave him more time to play basketball and hang with Cassie. Cassie had one distinct advantage over Brian, at least she had her parents support. All Brian could count on was, as always, Cassie.

The worse things became in the Baker household, the more time Brian spent over at Cassie's. Most parents of a teen-aged girl would be very concerned if their daughter spent half the night out back with the boy next door, but Brian had become like an adopted son at the Miller house. Cassie and Brian spent most of the day on the court, and half the night crashed in the family room watching basketball. After a game, they'd get the fever, and be back out on the court emulating the players they'd just watched. Cassie's parents never doubted that the only physical contact between these two was on the basketball court. Cassie and Brian openly defied the rule that says, boys and girls can't be close and be friends. Only one time, did they come close to exploring the world beyond friendship.

Cassie's parents had taken one of their weekend getaways, leaving Cassie and Brad alone at the house. Brad and his friends decided to have a little party, and to keep Cassie quiet about it; he bought her off with a six-pack of Little Kings Cream Ale. The funny thing about the bribe was, Cassie didn't drink, but she was 15, and sometimes that's all the excuse a girl needs for doing something stupid. She called over her partner in crime, and with a little persuasion, smiles, and her trademark "pleeease....", she convinced Brian to split the six-pack with her. Brian was also a non-drinker, so three beers apiece was plenty to feel the effects of the liquor. And it didn't take them either of them long to figure out that basketball and booze don't mix, so they both took a seat on the side of the court. Brian could feel the alcohol buzzing in his head. For several minutes neither of them said a word, and then Cassie looked at Brian and spoke.

"Hey Brian, how come you never tried to kiss me?"

Brian swallowed hard as he could feel the beer and his heart trying to come up through his throat. A few seconds passed and Cassie started again.

A sly smile turned at her lips, "Do you think I haven't noticed the way you look at me sometimes. I see that longing in your eyes...but don't worry about that man; I think it's cool. It kind of makes me feel special you know? Brian...you do think I'm special don't ya?"

Cassie's green eyes were sparkling from both the emotion of the moment and the alcohol. She starred into Brian's eyes searching for the emotion he was feeling. Brian was searching for the words to tell her how he felt, and the courage to say them. There was longing in his eyes every time he was with her, but it wasn't the same longing she thought it was.

He heaved a heavy sigh and began, "Cassie, there's no one in this whole world that is more special to me than you are. You are my best friend, and sister. I love you, and I love being with you...I... I...don't know exactly how to say this, but... but you're my dream girl. I'd give anything in this world if.... if I could...could...."

Cassie placed her fingers over Brian's trembling lips, stopping him before he could finish the sentence. She thought she knew how to finish it for him, and then did. "Wish you could...kiss me? That's it isn't Brian. You wish you could kiss me. Well, go ahead kiss me Brian. I want you to."

Brian dropped his gaze for a moment. That's not what he was trying to tell her, but now he couldn't tell her the truth. He looked back up at Cassie, and she had leaned forward with lips pursed, and her eyes closed. All of the sudden Brian had a strange feeling, one he had never had before. He really did want to kiss Cassie. He wasn't sure why, maybe he just wanted to share something else with her, or maybe try to imagine what it must feel like for her to kiss him, or maybe he just wanted to give her what she thought he wanted. He couldn't say no, now; she would be crushed.

Brian leaned forward, and brought his lips close to hers. Just as he started to close his eyes and kiss her. Cassie's eyes opened wide, and she placed one hand over her mouth and the other over her stomach. She tried to roll to her feet, and finally got up. She staggered a few steps to the grass beyond the court, fell to one knee, and began heaving violently. Brian ran to her side, but the beer and the sight of Cassie's vomit, starting him heaving as well. They staggered up to the house, cleaned up a little and then exhausted from the heaving; they passed out on the back porch. Brian woke up before Cassie did, and was gone when she awoke. He didn't come back over until that evening. Aside from the fact they both swore never to drink again, the events of that night were never discussed.

Brian didn't know if Cassie remembered everything or not, but he decided he never wanted to come that close to jeopardizing their friendship by either getting romantic, or him telling her his true feelings, and the secret he could share with no one. Brian wanted it all to stay the same, and at least through high school he got his wish.

During Brian and Cassie's high school years, anyone coming by the Miller house and walking into the backyard day or night, could expect to be greeted by the sight of two court warriors, bathed in sweat, and battling each other face to face. With the 8-track stereo system that Brian donated, the rhythmic pounding of a basketball on asphalt was complimented by a rock and disco beat. Shouts of, "Oh my God! You're 'not' going to count that! Stop this if you think you can!" and "C'mon Pistol, just one more game!" could be heard all day.

"Pistol," was the nickname Brian bestowed upon Cassie when they were in junior high. Pistol was also the nickname of college and pro basketball legend, Pete Maravich. Maravich was known for his incredible ball handling, passing, and scoring ability. It was an appropriate moniker for a girl whose talent excelled in the same three areas. Brian even went so far as to give Cassie a life size poster of Pete Maravich, and she proudly displayed it on her bedroom door.

Most of Cassie and Brian's classmates spent the summer following their freshman years, partying, playing, and laying around. Brian and Cassie spent the summer like they did the other seasons, on the court. Both were determined to sharpen their skills for their sophomore seasons.

Brian spent his sophomore season much like he did his freshman season, glued to the end of the bench and in both his coaches and father's doghouse. His sophomore season ended with those two missed free throws, and he didn't return to play as either a junior or senior.

Cassie on the other hand, began to dominate the court, and gain notoriety as one of the best young talents in the state. She led the Lady Pioneers in both scoring and assists for a second straight season, and scored a career high 41 points in an inspired performance against the team that eventually won the state that year.

Brian and Cassie entered the summer before their junior years at opposite ends of their basketball careers. Brian's was over. He didn't even want to return to Pine Haven, let alone play basketball for them again. His father had quit trying to mold him into the second coming of Bryce, in fact, after the way Brian had talked to his father after the last game; Bryce had barely spoken to his son. Brian had no problem walking away from high school basketball, as long as his love for the game could be satisfied playing on Cassie's Court. Brian knew Cassie's career was just beginning and he wanted to help her if he could. He knew by working out with her all summer, he could play the game he loved, with the person he loved, and help her to be the best she could be.

Cassie's career was starting to take shape. At the conclusion of her sophomore year, she had been voted first team all-city. She began receiving letters and phone calls from coaches interested in her playing for their school. She was living her dream, and her family was supporting her in it. The only downer for her was the knowledge that Brian wasn't able to do what she was doing. His dreams had crumbled while hers soared.

She worried about Brian more and more. She actually started to feel guilty about her success, and quit talking about the recruitment letters when they came. After a couple of very uninspired games by Cassie, Brian asked her what was bothering her.

Cassie took Brian's hand and looked deep into his eyes.

"I...I just feel so bad for you. I mean you don't deserve the way you've been treated by your father, Coach Lynch, or your own teammates. Damn it Brian! You're really good and now you'll never get the chance to show it... And then look at me. Here I am getting letters from colleges, and acting like some stupid little "giggle wiggle". You must think I am such a jerk!"

Brian was moved by the compassion his friend felt for him, he squeezed her hand and spoke. "Look Cassie, you're a lot of things to me, but you aren't no ‘giggle wiggle,’ or a jerk, okay! What happened to me isn't your fault. I honestly believe it wouldn't have mattered what school I went to, I'm just one of those people who don't fit in. I was never comfortable playing with those guys. I really can't explain it...but no matter how hard I tried, I never felt like I belonged, and the guys on the team felt the same way. That's why they dogged me so bad. Whole thing's just kind of weird isn't it?" Cassie didn't really know what to say to her friend's remarks. She didn't have to answer as Brian began again. "That's what's so special about our friendship Cassie; I don't feel weird or out of place around you. It always feels right, kind of like... this is where I have always belonged. When we play basketball together, or just hang out, I know in my heart this is the way its supposed to be...Look, I'm so proud of what you've accomplished and so happy you are enjoying it. You deserve the future you've got coming, and I hope you'll let me stick around to share it with ya. I'd like to keep working out with you, if you think it might help your game. I'd like to be some part of it. I kind a feel like if you make it, and I can help you get there, than in a way, I made it too."

Cassie hugged her selfless friend, and knew she was silly to ever think Brian could resent her. She let go of Brian, and a smile returned to her face. "So you want to set up some tunes, and get your butt kicked again, or what?"

Brian shook his head and thought "Pistol's back".

The rest of the summer was hot weather, hot music, and hot competition on Cassie's Court.

Cassie entered her junior year with high expectations. She was in great shape. Her summer work out program with Brian was going to make a real difference, and she knew it.

Brian entered his junior year hoping he could survive the taunts and beatings he was routinely threatened with. He still had barely spoken two words to his father since the end of last basketball season. High school couldn't get over fast enough for him.

Cassie continued her development as a dominating player on the hardwood. She set the city on fire with a point assault that broke several records, and by season's end she carried the third highest scoring average in the state.

She was a unanimous choice for all-state honors. The Lady Pioneers made a serious run at the state title that year. Cassie was nearly unstoppable in the tournament, breaking her own tournament scoring record with 47 points in a two-point loss in the Elite Eight.

Brian took a lot of abuse at school that year, some of it verbal and some of it physical, but by the second semester he had managed to pretty much fade into the school's woodwork. He was still an outcast, belonging to no clubs, or teams. He stayed away from all school functions, except one, girl's basketball games. He made every game, home and away. Cassie could always count on seeing Brian behind her team's bench.

Brian had pretty much gotten used to the abuse at school, but home was a different matter. He hated it when his father yelled at him. His father's words hurt him more than any beating he took at school. Now his father's silence was hurting him. Their war of silence had been going on for over 6 months. Brian knew his father was going to explode one day, but he didn't know when. That day came on a Sunday night during the month of October of his junior year.

Up until that night, Brian never doubted his father's love. He had known ever since junior high that his father was disappointed in him, and ashamed of him. He was never going to be the son that his father wanted, and they both knew it. Brian could understand his father's feelings. He often felt disgusted and ashamed of himself. He was just as an unhappy to be Brian, as Bryce was to be his father. They both deserved a better fate in Brian's eyes. Brian knew his father didn't like him, and probably never would, but he was sure his father loved him.

Bryce Baker, like a lot fathers, very seldom showed open gestures of affection to their sons. Hugs and "I love you" rarely happened outside of Walton's Mountain. Bryce had his own way to show his love for Brian, and Brian understood that.

Brian seldom woke in the night without a glass of juice sitting on his nightstand. His father had lovingly placed it there before he had gone to bed. Bryce never admitted to it, but Brian it knew it was him. When Brian got older, a ten or twenty dollar bill could be found under the glass whenever Brian talked about needing some cash to buy an album or some clothes. Bryce would rant and rave about Brian staying over at Cassie's instead of going out to eat with them. "Let him starve! What should I care!" he would say as he left the house, but Brian could always count on finding a Burger Chef sack waiting for him in the oven when he came home.

Brian's father was working the swing shift and had just got out of bed, when he walked into the kitchen wearing nothing but his boxers. Brian was hunched over the kitchen sink, scrubbing his rubber basketball when he felt his father's eyes trained on him. Brian glanced up to confirm his suspicions and then returned his attention to the ball. Bryce kept burning his eyes into Brian until Brian turned and faced him. Brian had what can only be called a moment of temporary insanity, as looked his father dead in the eyes, and said, "What are you looking at?"

Brian didn't speak the words hatefully or sarcastically, but it was still enough to ignite the fire in Bryce Baker's eyes, the same fire that had been smoldering for 6 months.

Bryce's left hand grabbed the front of Brian's jersey, and he swung Brian around and into the kitchen wall as the basketball and brush went flying. Brian's head and back smacked the paneled and plastered wall, as dishes from a nearby shelf fell from the impact and shattered on the tile floor. Brian's head was pounding, his vision blurred, and his dinner threatened to bolt from his stomach. Bryce grabbed him with both hands, suspending him almost a foot off the floor, as he continued to pound Brian's head and back into the wall.

He finally stopped, pinning Brian to the wall, and placing his own face just inches from Brian's. When he finally spoke, his voice boomed in Brian's ears. "I'm not taking this shit one more day from you! You're going to show me some respect, or I swear to God, I'll beat you till I get it!"

Brian's head dropped to his chest, and that fired the rage within Bryce once again. "Damn you boy, look at me when I'm talking to you!"

Brian lifted his head to meet his father's eyes, and was shocked and sickened to find the anger and blind hate he found in them. Brian had seen his father angry before, but never like this.

Bryce continued to rage and shake his son like a rag doll. "You're too old to take the strap to boy; I ought to beat you like a man, even if you aren't one. C'mon... damn it... stand up to me! You had no problem running that mouth of yours at the gym that night. Why don't you try running it some now?"

Bryce let go Brian and he tumbled to the floor in a heap. Bryce wasn't anywhere near through yet. "C'mon boy, get up off that floor so I can have the pleasure of knocking you back down! Get up...get up you miserable little coward and fight me!"

Brian curled into a ball on the floor and sobbed. Bryce looked down at him in disgust. "Long hair and tears. Why in the hell don't I just buy you a dress and some pearls?"

Bryce was finally beginning to wind down, but he still had a few shots left to fire. "You spend all your time hanging out with that girly friend of yours next door. Hell, everyone in town knows she's a lesbian. I hate to think what that makes you!"

Brian coughed and finally spoke. "She's...not...a lesbian..." His words trailed off as he ran out of breath.

Bryce reached down and grabbed Brian by the throat. "You little bastard, you talk back to me again, and I WILL beat you...Let me tell you one last thing. You will never be the man that I am, and don't you ever forget it!" With his other hand, he smacked Brian across the face, and a small trickle of blood began to flow from Brian's nose. "Now get the hell out of my sight!"

Brian was sobbing and shaking as he crawled across the kitchen floor. He pulled himself up using the back door, and then stumbled out of the house. Mindlessly, he staggered across the lot toward the only safe place he knew, Cassie's house.

Brian made it just inside Cassie's back gate when he fell to his knees and began heaving and sobbing. Cassie ran over to him and held his shaking body until she could calm him enough to get the story out of him. She helped Brian into the house, and then got her parents in on it. They decided that Brian should stay the night. Cassie's parents wanted to call the police and report Brian's father but he begged them not to. They agreed not to call the police, but Cassie's mother had a conversation the next morning with Brian's mother and they agreed that Brian could stay with Cassie's parents for a while.

Cassie and her parents said that Brian was welcome to stay indefinitely if he wanted to, but Brian returned in two weeks. Things actually improved after Brian's temporary absence. Brian and his father at least spoke to each other, if only but a few words. Brian stayed at the family home until he graduated high school, but he never again found a glass of juice on his nightstand, or a Burger Chef bag waiting for him in the oven. If Bryce Baker still loved his son, Brian would never know it.

Brian and Cassie's last summer as high school students was at times, a lonely one for Brian. Cassie had been invited to several high profile basketball camps, and played for a traveling all-star team. Brian spent a lot of time alone on the same court; he and Cassie had lived on the past seven summers. Cassie missed her friend as well. Whenever she came home from a camp, she immediately called Brian and invited him over. She would share all the details of her adventure and which college coaches were in attendance. Brian would hang on her every word.

By the start of her senior year, Cassie didn't have to worry about going to college. Her only question was, "Which one to go to?" She had a number of full scholarship offers from colleges who were powerhouses in women's college basketball.

Brian on the other hand, hadn't a clue what the future would hold. The only thing he knew was that he was leaving home as soon as he graduated. He didn't care if he went to college or straight into the work force.

By the time basketball season rolled around, the school began to buzz with anticipation. Women's sports had never been popular, but everyone loves a winner, and when the Lady Pioneers reeled off 8 straight victories to start the season, fans starting jumping on the bandwagon.

The Lady Pioneers had a deep and talented team, but Cassie was the star, and sometimes a star can shine so bright that no one else gets the recognition they deserve.

Cassie never thought of herself as a one-woman team. She was a team player, and continually praised her teammates for there efforts, but every scout was there to see Cassie, every picture was of Cassie, and every word printed, seemed to be about Cassie. It didn't help that her own coach told the team that if they wanted to win the state championship, they better get on board the "Cassie" train.

Resentment and jealousy spread through the team and drove a wedge between Cassie, and the rest of the players. It manifested itself in the team’s play on the floor.

Players quit setting picks and screens to get Cassie the ball. Already a marked woman any time she set foot on the court, the opposition routinely double-teamed her. Cassie worked harder to get herself open, but even when she did, the ball didn't come to her. Blanketed by swarming defenses, and froze out by her own teammates, Cassie's scoring average tumbled, and her confidence fell with it.

Cassie tried to talk to several of the players, but they started freezing her out off the court as well. Without Cassie's offense to lead them, the Lady Pioneers began to stumble, and games became exercises in frustration for Cassie, her coach and the fans. The Lady Pioneers was a dysfunctional team and limped into the tournament sporting a 15 and 9 record. In a last gasp effort to mend the rift with her teammates, Cassie invited all the girls to her house for a party the night before their first game. During the course of the regular season, each player would host a team party the night before a game. Cassie's parties were always the favorite among her teammates. The girls could eat, listen to music, and play hoops all evening. This season no one had offered to host a game party, so Cassie felt it was the perfect time to reinstate the tradition. Cassie called Brian and asked if he would help her set up everything and of course he agreed. Brian knew how upset Cassie had become as the season progressed and her teammates became more blatant in their dislike for her. Like Cassie, he hoped this party might extend an olive branch and bring the girls together in time for the tournament. Brian poured the ice down over the sodas as Cassie sat out the last of the covered food dishes. They admired their work, and Cassie thanked Brian for all his help. She he even asked him if he wanted to hang out and stay for the party.

Brian smiled at Cassie, "Thanks Pistol, but this is a team party, and that's the whole purpose of the get together isn't it? Ya know...to be a team again. Besides, this is an all girl thing, remember?"

Cassie hugged her best friend and regarded him for a moment, "Well...you're the only guy I know that I would invite to this party." Cassie thought about her words, and realized that was phrased a bit awkward. She blushed a bit. "Uh, that was supposed to be a compliment. What I meant was, you are always welcome at my house, anytime. Okay?"

Brian smiled, "Yeah, I know what you meant, and believe me, I take it as the highest compliment you could give me. Listen, I better go before the girls get here. I'll be over at the house if ya need me."

Brian headed for the back gate, and Cassie bid him farewell. Brian walked across the lot, and a tear trickled from his eye. She had paid him the highest compliment and she didn't even realize it. Nothing in the world would have made him happier than to be on the guest list tonight. If he had been on Cassie's team, he would have been sure she got the ball. He could have tried to talk to his teammates, and convinced them that Cassie was a team player, and not the whole team. Brian stopped in the middle of the lot and thought. "Great plan Brian! Only one problem, ‘he’ doesn’t play on girl's basketball teams, and ‘he' doesn’t get invited to all girl parties." Brian didn't need to remind himself of that fact. His life was a constant reminder.

The party was scheduled to start at about seven. By 6:30, Cassie had gotten phone calls from three of her teammates, each sheepishly calling to cancel for a variety of reasons. The other five players never called, but by nine, it was evident that no one was coming. Brian had been sitting in his window and watching Cassie's backyard. The lack of music, laughter, and other girls made it obvious to Brian that Cassie had been stood up. Cassie looked at her table of snacks, the cooler of sodas, and broke down in tears. Brian couldn't sit by any longer and watch. He was at her back gate a few moments later. Seeing Brian, Cassie wiped the tears from her eyes.

She smiled at Brian, tears still fresh on her cheek. "You hungry or thirsty? I got plenty!"

Brian went to his friend and held her as she buried her head and sobbed.

She raised her head and spoke in a tear-choked voice, "Why Brian? Why do they all hate me? I've tried so hard to be friends with all of them. I always try to pass them the ball when they’re open. I cheered for them every time they make a good play, and I'm the first one to tell anyone to shake it off when the make a bad one. I know I get a lot of publicity. I'm not trying to make them feel insignificant. I can't help it if they keep putting my picture in the paper, and scouts come to the game to watch me. Every interview I have ever gave, I always mention the other players and how good they are...and there are some good players on this team, but.... but...I'm the only one who could put up 40 points if we need it. I'm good Brian. You know how hard I've worked to get here. What I am supposed to do? Feel sorry for them because they spent their summers at the beach instead of working on their games. Am I supposed to feel guilty because I'm this good? I really thought winning would bring us all together, but that didn't work. I thought maybe having this party might do it." Cassie waved her arms in the direction of the buffet table. "Well you can see how well that worked. Brian, they hate me so much...they would rather lose, than play with me and maybe have a chance of winning. Please Brian tell me what the hell I am supposed to do!"

Brian wished he had an answer that would ease his friend's pain, but he knew there was none. "There's nothing else you can do Pistol. Just know, this isn't your fault, and don't ever be ashamed for being good at what you love doing." Brian stayed with her long enough to clean everything up.

Cassie didn't sleep that night. By the time she got to the gym and starting shooting warm-ups, she was exhausted and distraught. Two of her teammates walked by her and asked her with a smirk, "How did your party go last night Cassie? You are a one woman team, so we thought you could be a one woman party!" The girls walked away laughing, and Cassie struggled to hold her tears back.

The game began as all the others had since the second half of the season. Her teammates wouldn't pass her the ball and the Lady Pioneers fell behind early. By halftime, Cassie had only five points and her team was down fourteen points. The coach knew there were problems between Cassie and her teammates, but originally she had decided to let them work it out on their own, but she'd finally had enough.

She ripped Cassie's teammates in her halftime speech. "Listen, I don't know what the hell has been going with this team, but the bull stops here. Whatever personal differences you have with each other can wait until you're off the court. I don't know if you guys realize this but this is the state tournament and if we lose here, the season is over. We're down 14 points to a team we can beat by 30 if we just play together." The coach scanned the room and every head was down, including Cassie. "I'm going to lay it on the line ladies. Cassie's the best damn player on this court and the best shooter in the state. She's got five points, and not a one of you is trying to get her the ball. Get over the petty jealousies, and get her the damn ball. We can't win if you don't. It's just that simple, ladies. You make the choice." The coach stormed out of the locker room. The players followed shortly thereafter. The girls talked among themselves, but no one talked to Cassie.

The second half was a terrible repeat of the first. Cassie couldn't shake the double teams, and when she did, the ball didn't come to her. With 10 minutes to go in the second half, the Lady Pioneers were down 25 and the game was over for all practical purposes. For Cassie, the realization that her teammates hated her so much, that they would rather lose than pass her the ball and win, overwhelmed her. She finally gave into the anger and frustration. She grabbed a rebound and started heading up court. She crossed the mid court line with one objective in mind. She was going straight to the hoop, and no one had better get in her way, teammate or opposition. She picked up her dribble and charged hard into the lane as a defender slipped in front of her. She released the ball and crashed into the defender, sending them both falling hard to the court. The referee correctly called an offensive foul on Cassie. The defender was shook up, but apparently uninjured. Cassie wasn't so lucky. She grabbed her left knee and winced in pain. Her coach and two players helped her to the bench. Fortunately, it was just a sprain, but Cassie would spend the last 10 minutes of her high school career, sitting on the bench, alone and dejected.

Brian waited with Cassie's parents outside the Lady Pioneer locker room, when Cassie finally came limping out. Brian hugged her and walked out of the gym with her, much the same way as they had earlier when Brian had ended his career. Brian sat in the back seat of the car with Cassie.

He tried to get her mind off high school basketball and help her plan for the future, both of their futures.

Cassie's sub par senior year had cost her some scholarship opportunities, but she still had a number of colleges offering her a full ride. She could have went out West to Stanford if she wanted a change of scenery, but in the end she decided to stay close to home and enrolled in West Virginia University. Cassie decided to become a Lady Mountaineer. West Virginia was not a women's basketball powerhouse, but had a good program and Cassie really liked their head coach when they had met on a tour of the university. Coach Spears had been a great college basketball player, and was well regarded as an excellent teacher. She was excited about playing for coach Spears, but that wasn't the only reason she chose West Virginia. Charleston was less than an hour from home, and best of all, she knew she could talk Brian into enrolling with her. All she would have to do was persuade him. Brian never had a chance.

Brian still hadn't decided if he even wanted to go to college. His parents had set aside the money for it, so funds were no problem. He just wasn't sure he wanted to go through four more years of not fitting in. The other problem was he had no burning desire to become anything. No career ever seemed to beckon to him. He didn't want to waste four years and come away with nothing.

Cassie knew how Brian felt, so she began gently working on him. She told him that lots of kids don't know what they want to do when they first get to college. She was sure he would find something if he just gave it a try. He was leaning and then she finally got him when she said they could both go to West Virginia and share an apartment instead of separate dorms. Brian had no desire to be chastised in some fraternity hazing tradition, and Cassie said she'd end up killing some stupid little "giggle wiggle" at a sorority house, the first time one of them fainted at the sight of some cute pizza delivery boy. The two best friends continued their life's adventure together on the campus of West Virginia University in the fall of 1980.

There are those who say the true test of friendship is when two friends live together. Cassie and Brian passed this test with flying colors. The teamwork they showed on the court was evident in their management of the apartment and their daily lives. They pretty much shared everything, from expenses, to cooking, to cleaning.

Cassie found her major straight away. She selected primary and intermediate education with a minor in physical education. In the fall of 1980, there was no WNBA, ABL, or any established professional women's basketball league in the United States. The only place a woman could play professionally was overseas. Cassie didn't know if she would ever be that good, and if she was, she didn't know if she ever wanted to be that far away from home, her family, or her best friend. She had to plan for a practical career here in the United States, and if there was any way she could include her love of sports and children, she wanted to. The choice was obvious. As a teacher, she could be with children, stay active in sports, and offer a great deal of assistance to any young girl who aspired to be a basketball star. Teaching and coaching was the perfect fit. Teachers didn't make big money, but the job had a great deal of satisfaction and it had one big fringe benefit. The gym teacher gets to keep the keys to the gym! That fact is worth a million dollars in salary to a hoop junkie.

Brian was much less sure of his direction and it didn't get any clearer during his first year. He decided he was not going to find his heart's desire in a college catalogue. His heart's desire was not offered by any college curriculum. He had to go at this with a practical approach. He had to come out of this with something he could use to make a living, even if it didn't inspire him like Cassie's career did her. He finally settled on a general course of office skills and computer sciences. Brian had noticed that computers seemed to be invading every facet of life these days. It might be to his advantage to get on board now, and become proficient with basic computer skills. He chose general office skills as the perfect compliment.

On the whole, both Cassie and Brian found college to be a positive experience. The fact that Brian was away from his father and living with his best friend was reason enough to be happy. But it was more than that. On such a large campus, Brian could be nearly invisible if he chose. Sure, at times he might get lonely, especially if Cassie was gone, but all he had to do was go over the food court, or the Student Union building and he could be around people, without being with people. College also opened his mind to a wealth of information he never knew existed. It is also where he met his first route guide on a long journey of self-discovery.

For Cassie, college represented a chance to take her love of basketball to the highest level. This was college now, and she hoped she would find a team full of women who had her same passion for basketball, her will to win, and had matured enough to put petty high school jealousies behind them. For the most part, she was not disappointed. The petty jealousies never reared their ugly head, and these women did have a passion for basketball, but they also had a passion to party. Cassie didn't share that with them, but she wasn't chastised for it. Coach Spears became the friend and teacher Cassie had hoped. Cassie's four years with her as coach were the most productive of her career.

College brought Cassie the ultimate challenge; finally she could go face to face with the best amateur ball players in the woman's game. It was the only way she could truly gauge her own skills, and prove how good she really was. Over the course of four years, Cassie proved her excellence often.

Socialization was a little more important to Cassie than Brian. The boy was content to be either alone or with Cassie, but Cassie wanted more. She craved interaction with young women like her, women who were serious about their education, enjoyed sports, and liked to have fun without being a sorority bimbo.

Contrary to the rumors spread through out high school, Cassie was very much a healthy heterosexual woman, and like most women her age, she enjoyed the company of a handsome young man. Cassie had but a handful of dates in high school. She was still a virgin and was going to stay that way until marriage, but she appreciated a handsome young man's looks, and it felt good to be on his arm, and considered desirable. Opportunities for women friends and boy friends, both presented themselves to Cassie within her freshman year. Cassie joined a women's athletic group, and a group for elementary education majors. She also received her share of invites to parties and dates. A lot of her dates were one-time affairs. Most prospective suitors lost interest when they found out Cassie didn't drink and didn't sleep around.

Brian didn't date, and professed no interest. Only at the extreme insistence of Cassie did he reluctantly agree to allow her to set him up. Cassie usually tried to fix him up with one of the girls from either her social groups or the basketball team. The dates were all pretty much complete failures, but not for the reason most dates went bad. It wasn't that Brian couldn't keep his hands off the girls, it was the fact he wouldn't put one on them. These were young women who expected their man to at least show them a little affection, and when Brian didn't, they were obviously insulted. He also didn't drive, so he always had to double with Cassie. He was so uncomfortable and shy that Cassie could barely coax a word out of him. He had a hard time making eye contact with his date, but on occasion he would stare at her when he thought she wasn't looking. His date would usually catch him, and that made them both feel uncomfortable. Usually this made for short dates, and a lousy time for all parties. Cassie and Brian would come back to the apartment and Cassie would ask him what was wrong. Brian would never give her a straight answer, and usually went to his room. Cassie could hear him crying through the door. She wanted to help him, but she didn't know how. After a few of those date disasters, she refused to put Brian through it anymore. She resigned herself to the fact that Brian would come out of his shell when he was ready. There wasn't anything else she could do for now.

Cassie was talking to one of her friends that had gone out with Brian once. Cassie confided in her that Brian had no trouble being with her, and he was reasonably relaxed being around her friends at the games, but as soon as it became a date situation, he just pulled himself into a shell. Her friend raised the question of Brian's sexual preference to Cassie.

"Well Cassie, did he ever date? Even in high school? Look, I'm not saying he's one way or another, but you have to admit, if he was gay, that might explain why he's not comfortable dating women, or why he's never made a pass at you in all these years."

Cassie told her friend she was wrong about Brian. He was just shy and lacked confidence, but in the back of her mind, the thought began to bother her. "What if," she thought, "What if?" In reality, she hoped he wasn't. Brian had a tough enough life as it was, without embracing an alternative life style. Still, she loved him unconditionally, and if he did come to her with that, she knew she could accept it, and be there for him.

The conversation with her friend stayed on her mind into her next class. She kept thinking about all the years she had spent with Brian and looking for any clues he might have dropped her. She still painfully recalled the night they drank the Little Kings, and the alcohol induced pass she made at him. Of course nothing happened, as they both got sick before it could. But would anything have happened that night? Brian and Cassie had discussed almost everything, and shared their most intimate thoughts, but Brian had never discussed sex with her. She had babbled on and on to him about boys she thought were cute ever since junior high. Brian always listened patiently, and aside from looking a little embarrassed at times, never once complained. He never once talked about having a crush on any girl at high school or college. Of course, there was the one night at her house. The night they were just horsing around, and then Brad came home and turned the good-natured fun into a nightmare.

If anyone asked her about it she would tell him or her it was none of his or her damned business. If pressed, she would say he was straight. He did have one quality that all heterosexual men seemed to possess. Whenever they would go anywhere, out to eat, or out to the store, there was a definite look of desire in Brian's eyes whenever a beautiful girl would walk by. Perhaps all the rest was just that shyness of his. No matter what, he was her friend and nothing would ever change that.

During his sophomore year, he finally got another woman in his life, only she didn't become his girlfriend, she became his counselor, and she helped him find himself and his soul within.

Brian had seen some fliers about counselors being available to students on campus. They were free and completely confidential. He made a few inquires, and cancelled one appointment before meeting with Marie Childers. She was very patient and positive in her understanding. Brian was comfortable with her from their first meeting, and began to open up and tell her things; he had never shared with anyone. Once he started, it all came forth like a dam bursting. Marie Childers had seen this before. Brian had all the signs, and her heart went out to this troubled young soul. After her first few meetings, and the psychological test she gave Brian, she knew what Brian was probably going to have to do to have some measure of happiness. She was going to have to tell him there was no cure for what he had, only treatment. Before she could discuss that, Brian would have to continue his painful journey of self-discovery. Ultimately the final decision was of course his.

Brian continued to see Marie regularly until he graduated. He told Cassie he was in counseling to help him resolve issues with his father, and to deal with socialization anxiety. Cassie thought it was a great idea. She didn't know if Brian was telling her the whole truth, but it didn't matter. He was talking to someone, and that's all that mattered to her.

Brian didn't like lying to Cassie, but he wasn't ready to discuss something with her that he himself was just learning about. It was too big, and too close to the heart. He wanted to talk to her about it when he could do it intelligently and confidently. He also didn't want to do anything that could side track her from her studies or her basketball. When the time was right, he would tell her.

Nothing sidetracked Cassie from her studies or her basketball. She maintained the good grades she had gotten in high school and her basketball was by far the best of her career. Coach Spears brought out the best in all her players, and with Cassie it was easy. She was the most talented player on the squad, and the most dedicated. She had to practically drag Cassie off the court after practice, and in the end, just gave her a key to the locker room and court so she could practice on her own. Brian and she continued the spirited workouts they had held ever since junior high. Cassie's game rose to the next level, and she made a name for herself by the end of her freshman year.

Brian loved coming to Cassie's games. The crowds weren't huge, but very vocal and extremely supportive. It wasn't long before Cassie's ability, heart, and hustle had made her a fan favorite. The five foot, eight-inch guard finished her career at West Virginia as the school's all time leading scorer in both men's and women's basketball. She was voted a second team all-American by the polls and received numerous other accolades.

Brian finished his four years at West Virginia, with far less notoriety, but he did graduate in the upper half of his class. He got a valuable education, but it wasn't the computer classes he had passed that would shape his future, it was those weekly sessions with Marie that would make the true impact.

Brian and Cassie were faced with a painful reality. For the first time in twelve years their lives could be taking separate directions.

Brian wasn't sure what he was going to do next. He knew what he wanted to do, and he felt like he was ready to begin the journey, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to tell Cassie. Cassie was the one person he never wanted to lose. Many times she had said her love for him was unconditional, but this was one hell of a condition.

Cassie had planned to apply for a teaching position with several different school systems. She even thought about doing her own version of "Welcome Back Kotter," by applying at Pine Haven Elementary. She was hopeful that both her and Brian could find work close enough to continue sharing an apartment. She was confident that she could live alone, but she worried about Brian. Until one of them got married, or wanted to live alone, she saw no reason why they wouldn't share a place.

Cassie got a phone call from her college coach about six weeks after graduation that provided the reason why they would no longer share an apartment or each other's life. Professional basketball wanted Cassie! Coach Spears had taken the liberty of sending some of Cassie's game films to a friend of her’s in Spain. Her friend, Nancy Pruitt, was coach and general manager of the Barcelona Bombers, a professional women's team in the European League. Nancy was so impressed with the films of Cassie she was already on her way over from Spain to meet her. Coach Spears told Cassie that Nancy wouldn't be coming all the way from Spain to just give her a work out. She'd be coming with a contract in one hand, and a pen in the other. All Cassie would have to do is sign.

After Cassie got off the phone with Coach Spears, she went straight to the fridge, and got out a pint of Death By Chocolate ice cream. As she devoured each spoonful of her frozen comfort food, she weighed the pros and cons of the decision before her. Pro: A chance to go to the highest level of women's basketball and play against, and with the best players in the world. Pro: A chance to travel all over Europe and get paid for doing it! Con: She would have to leave her country and her family behind. Con: She would have to leave Brian behind. Unable to sort it out, she picked up the phone and called home. It took her mother almost twenty minutes to calm her down enough to make sense of her ramblings. They both agreed the best thing to do was for Cassie to come home, and discuss this as a family. Nancy Pruitt would be arriving from Barcelona and expecting her at Coach Spears office tomorrow at four p.m. She had plenty of time to drive home and spend the night with her parents. She would hopefully arrive at a decision and then drive back to the apartment the next morning. Brian wasn't home yet, so she left him a note on his bedroom door.

"Brian, Got great news, maybe. Going home for the night. Please wait for me here tomorrow. Will explain everything then. Love, Pistol."

Brian pulled the note from his door and smiled lovingly. He thought to his self "I can only imagine what she's gotten us into this time." Of all the things that Brian considered might constitute "good news", he never imagined that any of them could spell the end of their friendship.

Cassie came back to the apartment just before noon. She was nervous and uneasy. Brian watched her flitting about the apartment for a while and then finally corralled her to the sofa.

He took her hand and spoke softly. "Okay Pistol, you leave me this cryptic note about ‘good news.’ You tell me to wait on you, and then when you come home, you fly around this place like a five foot, eight-inch tinker bell. So...give! What's this good news of yours?"

Cassie took a deep breath, searched for the words and then began. "What if I told you I had a chance to play professional women's basketball?"

Brian's eyes lit up. "Whoa Pistol! That is great news! It's your dream come true!"

He hugged her until the reality of the news set in. He pulled back and threw her the obvious question. "Hey, are they starting up some new women's pro league here in the states?"

Cassie didn't answer; instead she just dropped her head.

"Well if they haven't started up a new league here then..." Brian's voice trailed off as he realized just what Cassie's "good news" truly meant. "So...when are you leaving for Europe, Pistol?" Brian tried to hold a smile, but the color had drained from his face, and Cassie could see how badly he was hurt.

"Hey, I don't even know if I really want to go. I mean they're just sending someone over to talk to me. They might take one look at my game, and catch the next flight back to Barcelona. Heck...the only Spanish I know is Taco Bell!" Cassie tried to downplay it all, but Brian knew Cassie better than anyone, and he knew this was her ultimate dream. It was every bit as important to her, as his dream was to him, and he wasn't about to let her miss the opportunity to live it.

"Don't give me that bull girl! I know you too well, and I also know that nobody's going to come all the way from Spain, just to check out your game. If they're coming, then they're coming to sign your butt! In a way, I can't believe it, but we both know you're good enough, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. What did your folks say when you told them?"

Cassie shifted her weight and pulled one leg up under her before speaking. "They said it was my call. After I meet with this team rep, if I am satisfied with what she offers, then... I have their blessings to go for it." Her eyes searched Brian's looking for a reaction to her statement.

Brian didn't make Cassie wait long to hear his true feelings. "Cass, I know you haven't asked me what I think you should do. Hell, you're a big girl. And girl, you sure don't need my permission or blessing, but I love you and I got to tell you how I feel about this."

He paused a moment to collect his thoughts. "If you don't do this, you'll regret it for the rest of your life, and before you give me any of this crap about not being good enough, we both know you are. You've been given the chance to live the dream you've had ever since you were a little girl. You may never get this chance again, and if there's one thing I've learned from three years of counseling, it's you have to go for your dreams, no matter what. Cassie, some people have dreams that are so impossible they will never come true. Trust me, I know. But your dream is possible. It's standing right in front of you. Grab it girl and don't let go!"

He squeezed Cassie's hand and smiled. "C'mon, Pistol, think about it! Playing basketball with the best players in the world, running around all over Europe, and they're crazy enough to pay you to do it! Just try not to knock over the Leaning Tower of Pisa, or get war declared on the U.S. all right?"

Tears filled Cassie's eyes as she hugged her best friend. She pulled back to ask him one last question. "But...what will you do Brian? I mean...where are you going to stay once I'm gone? I don't like the idea of you living alone Brian. If you want, I could call my parents. I bet you could crash at their place for as long as you want, or until you figured out what you wanted to do. They love you to death Brian. You know you're just like one of the family as far as they’re concerned. I know you’re not even thinking about going back to your parent's house."

Brian shook his head and answered. "No way would I go back home, besides, my folks are selling the place. They were just waiting for me to graduate. Dad's taking early retirement, and they're buying a condo in Arizona. As far as moving in with your folks, I just wouldn't feel right. I mean I love them too. They've been so kind to me, but I don't want to live with them. Cassie, I always knew this day would come. I just didn't know it would be today."

Brian and Cassie held each other, as tears rolled down both of their faces. Brian was the first to speak. "So...what time do you meet this rep?"

Cassie wiped a tear from her eye and spoke. "Four o'clock at Coach Spears office."

Brian looked up at the wall clock. "Well C'mon Pistol! You'd better get your tail in gear if you're going to have time to grab a shower. Don't eat anything either! We're going out for pizza to celebrate when you come back, and since you're a big shot pro athlete now, you can buy!"

Cassie kissed Brian on the forehead and gave her best Jackie Gleason. "Baby, your da greatest!"

Cassie made it to coach Spear's office with ten minutes to spare. When she walked in, she saw her coach talking with another woman who could only be Nancy Pruitt. Cassie had heard of Nancy Pruitt long before her coach had called her. Nancy was a former all-American, famous for her fearless style of play. As a coach and owner, she still possessed those same qualities. When Cassie came in, she immediately introduced herself, and starting talking terms. She explained the contract in detail, and what Cassie should expect her life to be like living and playing ball in Europe. She told Cassie she realized this was a big decision, but she could only give her 24 hours to think about it. The new season was starting in a few weeks, and she had to get her players under contract right away. Cassie didn't make her new coach wait one more minute. She signed the contract before leaving the office.

Brian was standing out front of Andy's Pizza when Cassie pulled up in her firebird. Brian didn't have to ask her. He could tell by the look in her eyes, and he met her with a bear hug before she could speak a word.

He released her from his embrace and spoke. "So...when are you leaving?"

Cassie smiled impishly. "Ummm...two weeks. You want to help me pack, pleeease!"

As Brian led her into the restaurant he uttered, "Good thing we're going for pizza. I'm going to need all the strength I can get to move all your junk!" Two laughs echoed through the foyer of the restaurant.

Brian and Cassie had just finished loading up the U-haul, and were taking a break before making the drive to her parent's house in Jamestown. Cassie broke the silence. "Brian...have you figured out yet what you're going to do when I leave. I'd feel better if I knew you had some kind of plan or something."

Brian had a plan all right, but he was not ready to share it with Cassie. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin their last few days together. "Actually Pistol, I do have a plan, but...I'm not sure if I'm ready to discuss it yet. It's kind of a surprise, a big surprise, and I'm not ready to spring it on ya yet."

Cassie was fishing for something a little more definite, but whatever it was, Brian seemed excited enough about it, so that made her feel a little better. "Make me a promise Brian. Whatever this ‘plan’ of yours is, promise you will share it with me when you are ready."

Brian gave in easy. "No problem Pistol. I promise. Now let's see about getting you some good home cooking before you leave for Spain. You want to stop at Burger Chef?"

Cassie had to laugh. "Once a goof, always a goof!"

Two weeks after Cassie had signed the contract she was standing in the airport saying good-bye to her parents and her best friend. All four were in tears as they said their good-byes.

Cassie gave Brian one last hug, and a few kind words. "You know, I wouldn't be getting on this flight without you, and all those years of practice and support you gave me."

Brian returned, "And I wouldn't be alive without you. Knock'em dead, Pistol!"

Cassie disappeared into the tunnel. He would speak to Cassie once by phone, and exchange a few letters, but it would be 17 years before he would see his friend again, and Cassie would never see Brian again.

Brian returned to the apartment. He knew it would be quiet and lonely without his best friend, but he hadn't realized just how empty the place would look without her things. Brian started feeling empty himself. For the first time in twelve years, the knight wasn't there to rescue the princess. Brian and Cassie had always done everything together, and tonight would be no different. As Brian sat in an empty apartment and cried, somewhere high over the Atlantic, tears flowed from Cassie's eyes as well.

During the next four years, Cassie lived her dream and Brian went in search of his. Cassie loved experiencing Europe, playing in front of capacity crowds, and going head to head with the best ball players in the world. It was everything she'd hoped it would be. The only thing missing was having her family and best friend to share it with. She missed her parents terribly and continually worried about Brian. Brian had given her every reason to worry. By the time she had returned home for her visit it was Christmas and she hadn't heard from Brian in three months. As soon as she got to her parent's place, she started searching for him. She knew he had moved out of their apartment in September. He told her that he had an opportunity he was going to check out. If he decided to go for it, he would have to move out of state. Cassie never found out if he went for it, because Brian never wrote again. She couldn't contact his parents. They had sold the house and moved to Arizona, but no one knew what city. Cassie didn't know what else to do but start calling every possible person who might know where Brian could have gone. She called his college counselor, Marie, but if she had any idea where Brian was, she wasn't telling. Cassie returned to Spain in January of 1985, deeply worried about her missing friend.

It would be two years before she would get her next lead on Brian's whereabouts. Charlotte Baker called Cassie's mother to pass on some news to Cassie that she thought she would want to know. Brian's father, Bryce had passed away earlier that month from heart disease. She thought that Cassie, being Brian's best friend, would want to know about it even if she was in Spain. Charlotte asked Cassie's mother if she knew whether or not Brian was still in contact with Cassie. When she told her that Cassie hadn't heard from Brian in two years, she broke into tears. It seems Brian hadn't stayed in contact with his parents either. In two years, he had sent them one postcard. It read, "I'm working, learning, and living. Love Brian." The only thing she knew about her son's life was that it was in New York. She had a post office box for Brian in New York, but no street address or phone. When Bryce was admitted to the hospital, she sent Brian a letter. He called her three days later and flew to Phoenix the next day. Bryce died the day after Brian got there. Brian stayed long enough for the funeral and then returned to New York.

His mother tried to get him to talk about what he was doing in New York, but all he would tell her was that he had a job at an insurance company, lived in a small apartment and was seeing a therapist. He wouldn't tell her why he was seeing a therapist or anything else for that matter. Charlotte was concerned about her son and hoped that Cassie might know something she could share. Charlotte was even more worried when she found out that Brian hadn't confided in his best friend. Whatever Brian was doing, he had decided to share it with no one.

Cassie's mom wrote her in Barcelona, explaining all that she knew from her conversation with Charlotte. She also forwarded Brian's post office address. Cassie sent two quick notes, but never received an answer.

On Cassie's next U.S. visit, she called insurance companies all over New York trying to find Brian, but never got so much as a lead. On a visit in the fall of the same year, she tried to contact Brian's mom to see if she'd heard anything more on Brian, but her number had been disconnected. After three years of searching, Cassie was forced to accept the fact that if Brian was still alive, he didn't want to be found. All she could do is pray he was safe and hope he would contact her when he was ready.

Cassie was within six months of finishing her four-year contract with the Bombers. Just like in college, she had become a fan favorite and Nancy was trying to talk her into signing on for at least two more years. Cassie was very close to signing when she met someone who offered her a better deal. His name was Craig, Craig Chandler.

Craig was tall, athletically built with blue eyes, blonde hair and a disarming smile that was second in magic only to Cassie's. Cassie had caught Craig's eye when he had attended a few of her games. He soon became a regular behind the Bomber's bench. One night after the game, he walked up to her while she was signing autographs. Six foot three, blonde-haired Americans tend to stick out in the crowds of shorter Europeans, especially when they are as handsome as Craig. Cassie definitely noticed him, as the autograph seekers surrounded her. He patiently waited for the crowd to disperse and then walked up to her. She looked up into his blue eyes and felt as silly as a sixteen-year-old "giggle wiggle." She returned his smile with her own and asked him if he wanted an autograph. He regarded her for a moment, but to Cassie it seemed like minutes before he finally spoke.

"Sure, I'd be honored. You're a heck of a ball player, but I got to admit, I'd rather have your company for dinner one night. That is, if you would grant me the privilege."

Cassie blushed. She couldn't remember the last time she had blushed. The whole thing was getting more ridiculous by the moment and Cassie had to put a stop to it.

"Thanks for the invite," she said, "but I think you'll have to settle for an autograph." With that said, Cassie turned and headed to the locker room. Craig watched her disappear from view and thought to himself, "I'll settle for your autograph tonight Miss Cassie Miller, but only for tonight."

The Bombers were in Barcelona for the whole week and Cassie received roses at the main office for 5 consecutive days. Each delivery had a card enclosed with the same message, "Cassie, how about that dinner? Call me, please! Craig." His number was on the back of the card. The girls on the team and in the office were really razzing Cassie. After the fifth day of roses, she decided to call him and put a stop to the whole thing. When she dialed the number, she reached an answering service. Her Craig was a doctor, a pediatrician at St. Isabel's in Barcelona. She left her number and in about thirty minutes he called her back. He had late night rounds in the children's ward and had only a few minutes to chat. Cassie had called him to put a stop to the flowers, but after ten minutes of conversation, she found herself agreeing to meet him for lunch at Francisco's.

A one-hour lunch turned into dinner and Cassie didn't make it back to her apartment until midnight. She had learned a lot about her admirer. He was from Denver, Colorado. He studied pediatrics at Colorado University, before interning at St. Jude's Children's Hospital. He volunteered for a physician exchange program two years ago and was planning to return to Denver. He hoped to start his own practice there. Cassie had accompanied him to the hospital that evening. He had to check in on several children. She stood by the doorway and marveled at the way he interacted with them. He had such a way with children. He definitely had made the right career choice and many children were destined to benefit from it.

The next morning, the Bombers began a road trip that would take them to Paris, Rome and Athens, before returning ten days later and Craig was there at the airport to see her off.

Over the next few months they spent all their free time together and with Spain, France, Italy and Greece as a romantic backdrop, Cassie couldn't help but fall in love.

Cassie's final season as a Barcelona Bomber ended in June of 1988. When she flew back to the states, she wasn't alone. Craig was with her, and she had accepted his proposal of marriage. They decided to fly into Charleston, and then rent a car to drive down to Jamestown. Cassie would introduce her future husband to her parents, and give the three of them a few days to get to know each other. At the end of the week, they could return to Charleston and catch a flight to Denver. It would then be Cassie's turn to get know her new in-laws.

Both meetings went exceptionally well, as Cassie's parents were captivated by Craig's charm, and Cassie found Craig's parents to be as down-to-earth, and accepting as her own. Cassie returned to Charleston a week later, and began preparations for the wedding. Normally, it could take up to a year to get everything scheduled, but Cassie and Craig didn't want to wait that long. Craig was ready to get his practice started in Denver, and begin married life with Cassie. Cassie was equally as anxious, but just as she didn't believe in pre-marital sex, she also didn't think it was appropriate for them to live together without being married.

Ex-round-baller Cassie was not foolish enough to think she could live in the same house with her love, and be able to resist temptation. Craig had suggested they just go to the Justice-of-the-Peace, and get a marriage license, but Cassie wanted a proper wedding. She was only going to do this once, and it had to be special. Cassie's father came to the rescue. He pulled a few strings, and called in a few favors. By the time he was finished, Craig and Cassie had a wedding date for the last Saturday in July.

The day Cassie walked down the aisle with her father, she couldn't have been any happier. She was surrounded by the love of family and friends. She was just minutes from being married to a handsome, loving man. She was about to embark on an exciting chapter of her life. It was the happiest day of her life, except for one small detail. Among those faces in the crowd, one very special one was absent. She so wished her best friend was here to share this moment with her. A tear formed in her eyes as she stopped before the altar and thought, "Oh Brian, I wish you could see me now. I'm so happy and I wish I could share it with you."

The couple honeymooned in Hawaii for two weeks before returning to Denver to begin their new life. They found a beautiful old five bedroom home just minutes from Denver. Craig got his practice started, and Cassie began her teaching career. Cassie's marriage to Craig seemed like a fairy tale, and the story got better when two years later the couple was blessed with a baby boy, Devon. Two years after that they were blessed again. This time Cassie had a beautiful baby girl, Amanda.

Every child knows how a really good fairy tale ends. It always ends with everyone living "happily ever after". Cassie hoped her fairy tale life would follow the same path, but she was soon to find out that "happily ever after" in real life rarely happens. Five years after the fairy tale had began, the magic was gone, and Cassie was forced to deal with the painful realities of the real world.

Cassie had no idea that she would find anything other than her husband pouring over x-rays and reports when she picked up lunch for the both of them on a surprise visit. The office door was locked for the lunch hour. Luckily, Cassie had a key. She opened the door and quietly walked back to her husband's examination room. She had wanted to surprise him. When she opened the door, she not only surprised Craig, but herself and the young woman he was playing doctor with. Cassie stormed out of the office in tears, and returned home. Her next move would depend on whether or not Craig would be willing to tell her the truth, and if she could believe him.

Craig swore it was a one-time happening, and then while Cassie was still trying to put the pieces of her world back together, she caught him yet again. Finally, the truth came out. Doctor Chandler had been making house calls to a number of ladies in the Denver area, and had been for over a year. He told Cassie that he felt she spent too much time with the children and not enough with him. His emotional and physical needs were not being met, so he had went elsewhere to satisfy them. Cassie took the children and returned to her parent's home in Jamestown soon after his confession.

Leaving him a note that read, "Craig, you have lost your wife and children. You no longer have to worry about competing for my attention, so feel free to go find someone else who can satisfy your needs. Craig, you are a fool and a hypocrite. You're a fool, because you have lost a woman and two children who love you very much. You are a hypocrite, because you are a pediatrician who's jealous of his own children. I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for. Love, Cassie," and then was gone.

Emotionally crushed she and the kids moved into her parents house. Craig called her nightly, begging her to come back, and swearing the only woman he wanted in his life was she. After a month, she asked her parents if they would watch the children for a few days. She decided to go to Denver and talk to Craig one last time. He had no idea she was coming when her plane landed at Denver International. Cassie caught a cab from the airport that evening.

Just as the cab rolled to a stop in front of her house, Cassie saw the porch light come on and out stepped Craig. She smiled, but then her heart sank as she realized he wasn't alone. She watched the two embrace on the same threshold her husband had carried her over five years ago. She told the driver to take her back to the airport. She returned to Jamestown, called Craig, and asked him for a divorce. She never told him that she had been there that night. She saw no point in trying. There was nothing left to save.

Craig finally gave into Cassie's demands and they were divorced in March of 1994. Cassie and her children stayed at her parent's home. Cassie was fast approaching 31 and she assessed her life to date. She was a divorced mother of two, who lived with her parents, was unemployed, and hadn't seen her best friend in nearly ten years. This was a time in her life she really needed Brian, but he was just another shattered piece of her world, and with two children who desperately needed her, she didn't have the time to start looking for that missing piece again.

Cassie and the kids continued to stay with her parents even after Cassie got a teaching position that fall at Pine Haven Elementary. On a teacher's salary alone it would have been very difficult for Cassie to make ends meet. Fortunately her parents loved having her and the kids there, as much as the kids loved having on site grandparents. Craig may not have been committed to Cassie, but he was committed to the children, and his child support checks were always on time.

In 1999, Cassie's parents retired, moved to Florida as they had always planned, and left the house to her and the kids. She'd become the classic single parent, constantly trying to balance career, home life, and checkbook. Life hadn't quite turned out to be what she had hoped. Her little girl dreams of playing professional basketball had came true, and it had been as wonderful as she hoped. She had to leave her home to do it, but seeing Europe had been incredible. She thought she found the perfect man in Craig, handsome, professional, dedicated, and loving.

The problem was, he was "dedicated to loving" other women. Cassie knew she did the right thing when she left Craig, but doing the "right thing", didn't change the fact she was hurt, confused, and still in love with him. Even though Craig couldn't seem to give her his fidelity, he had given her two wonderful blessings in the form of Devon, and Amanda.

The ex-professional hoopster, Cassie Miller was fast approaching a time in her life where basketball, while still being a love, was no longer a competitive challenge for excellence; it was now about exercise and just having fun. She had become just another old hoop junkie enjoying a kid's game with her friends.

Moving into the twenty-first century with her priorities in order, if not necessarily her life, Cassie taught grade school and coached girls' basketball for the 5th and 6th grade team. She kept the bills paid, the house in order, and devoted every possible minute to the most important task in her life, raising her children. She tried hard to be the best mother she could possibly be. She was interested, involved, supportive, stern when necessary, but always loving.

The primary male in her life, Devon was going to be tall and handsome like his father. He was also a gifted athlete. By age 11, his talent at quarterback had already caught the eye of high school coaches.

The passion of her life, Amanda, or Mandy as she was usually called, was definitely her mother's daughter. She was fast becoming a sports legend on the same sandlot and basketball court that her mother had carved a reputation on some twenty years earlier. Cassie saw so much of her daughter in her. She had the same green eyes, same impish smile, and same passion for sports that once burned within Cassie. She only wished her daughter had a best friend like her Brian to share these times with.

The stories of her youth usually included her sidekick Brian, and the bittersweet memories would tear at her heart. Cassie would tell her kids the stories of the happy times she had spent on her court and the sandlot next door. Sometimes she would shoot baskets in the middle of the night, long after the kids were in bed. Often she would stop, stare into the stars, and wonder if Brian still thought of her.

**************************

The Two-fifteen from Los Angeles arrived on time in Charleston, West Virginia. Among those exiting from the gate was one, Rebecca, even if she doesn't use it much, "Becky" Marie Taylor. Becky hadn't been back in Charleston for almost seventeen years. Charleston had changed a great deal since her last visit, but then again, so had Becky. The young woman walked over to baggage claim, picked up her two suitcases and travel bag and then walked into the ladies room to check her hair and face. It had been a long flight and she was sure she could use a little repair work.

Standing in front of the floor length mirror, she had to laugh. She truly was a far cry from the skinny, stoop-shouldered, confused college kid who had left from this same airport so long ago. It had taken a lot of soul-searching, hard work, pain, money, and surgery, but Becky had finally come to peace with the reflection before her. She was no Suzanne Summers, but at 38, with the right make-up and clothes, she wasn't a bad looking woman. Tall, straight-backed, and slender, her athletic body was in excellent shape for a woman her age.

Taking a final overview of her body before touching up her make-up, she pulled her long skirt up over her knees and examined her legs. The pantyhose did a good job of concealing a childhood full of scars accumulated from bike wrecks, baseball slides, and numerous battles with asphalt from basketball courts. In the woman's view, her legs were too skinny, her hips too narrow, and her waist to wide, yet it is the nature of all women to be their bodies own worse critic. Becky knowing that, grudgingly accepted these imperfections as more a figment of her imagination than reality.

Smoothing her blouse and vest, she brushed lint from the top of her blouse, and adjusted her bra straps. She regarded her breasts for a moment. She had thought of having breast augmentation, but decided against it. She was a slightly undersized 36B, making her a cup size smaller than her mother. It might be nice to have a bit more, she had often thought, but with no desire to be a Dolly Parton clone, she never pursued it.

The beige silk blouse complimented the soft earth tones in her matching skirt and vest. Tall brown boots and matching bag completed the ensemble.

Becky picked out her recently permed, shoulder-length hair. It was too thin to suit Becky, but it was a lovely shade of ash-blonde, and the spiral curl had given it a fullness that softened Becky's long, angular face. The make-up had brought out her blue eyes and enhanced her cheekbones. The facelift and rhinoplasty had wiped away a few wrinkles, and removed the hump in her nose she had gotten when she was eight-years-old and rolled off the top bunk of her friend's bunk bed. Becky raised her hand to her throat. Her fingers touched a small white scar, a reminder of the surgery that had left her voice with a smoky, raspy quality. It was deeper than she had hoped, but still softer and more feminine than it had been before.

Realizing fashion, make-up, and medical science had done about all they could for her she exited the ladies room and made her way through the airport to the cab stand. Immediately, a cabby greeted her, took her bags, and helped her into the taxi. With a demure smile, the woman thanked the man. Having doors opened for her and getting the ladies treatment was still kind of a rush for Becky.

Most women nearing 40 probably didn't give it a second thought, but once again, Becky wasn't like most women her age. The smiling gray-haired cabby asked her if this was her first trip to Charleston. Becky thought for a moment before answering, "No, not really, but its been seventeen years since I've been back and that seems like a lifetime."

The driver used the seventeen years as an excuse to describe and point out many of the changes that had occurred since her last visit. He deposited her and her bags at the entrance to the Roadway Inn. Smiling again, she tipped him accordingly; she'd always been a sucker for older men.

The wind whipped at Becky's skirt. Though quite windy it was unseasonably warm for February. Checking in at the desk, then making her way through the corridors to her room, she dropped the bags just inside the door, flopped on the queen-sized bed, and finally kicked off her boots. Within thirty minutes, something a little more Becky, sweats, t-shirt, and athletic socks had replaced the blouse, vest, skirt, and hose. Comfortable at last, the woman then called the front desk and asked them if they could recommend the best pizza place that delivered.

While waiting for the pizza, she began setting out her clothes for the next day. She stopped when she came across a small basketball trophy. It's nameplate read: "Two on Two Champs, Summer Tournament, 1975". Becky held the trophy lovingly, clutched it to her chest, and then began sobbing. They were tears of warm memories, pain, and of a journey that began long before she left home seventeen years ago. The tears subsided shortly before the pizza arrived, and within a few minutes the sauce and cheese had worked their usual magic, comforted Becky, and she spent the evening half-watching a ball game and pounding down Diet Cokes. Tomorrow she would check out, grab a bite, and then catch the bus to Jamestown. After seventeen years she would finally be home.

It would be nice to see some of the old familiar sites of home, but truly there was only one place and one person she wanted to see. The place was a big white house with a basketball court out back. The person was her best friend. The question was... would her best friend want to see her?

The bus arrived in Jamestown on time and deposited her in front of the "Li'l Sport" convenience mart. The "Li'l Sport" had really grown; she now had no less than eight gas pumps, a grocery store, and hot food, but she still had the same "Li'l Sport" tomboy standing proudly on her roof. While ensnared in the waves of nostalgia, Becky smiled at her old friend on the roof and she knew she was finally home.

The young woman walked the four blocks over to the Windsor Apartments. She had called from Charleston and confirmed her arrangements to lease a one-bedroom apartment by the month. Depending on how her stay in Jamestown went, primarily her meeting with her best friend, she might stay for quite a while or be gone before the first month was up.

Settling into the small but quaintly furnished apartment she noted that from her second floor window she could see the courthouse and town's square. Many of her old haunts were still there, and she wondered if anyone would recognize her when she visited them. Actually she preferred they didn't, as it would save a lot of time and embarrassment for all parties involved. Most importantly, she didn't want the news of her arrival to be leaked back to her best friend. She wanted to be the one to let her friend know she had returned.

While filled with anticipation, and apprehensions, Becky put away her clothes, and then opened her overnight bag. She began setting out pill bottles on her nightstand, and by the time she had finally finished, she shook her head and said, "Geez, Becky, you take more pills than an eighty-year-old woman."

Pouring herself a glass of water, she took her midday pills, and stretched out on the bed. She opened a leather bound journal and surveyed its contents. By having a mail subscription to the local newspaper, and making an occasional discreet phone call, Becky had managed to keep up on her best friend's life. Becky knew she had married, moved to Denver, and had two children. That she later divorced her husband and returned to Jamestown had been a bit of a shock but not unexpected in these days.

Currently she was a teacher at Pine Haven Elementary, and lived in her parent's old house. Becky was proud of the fact that she had been able to keep tabs on her old friend, but she felt great sadness and guilt at having never called her. At the time she'd thought disappearing was the right thing to do, but she had been wrong. She could only imagine the pain and worry she had put her through. All she could do now was explain, say she was sorry, and hope her friend would forgive her.

Her friend lived about seven miles up the mountain from town. Becky could easily walk the distance to her childhood friend's home, but the question was, should she? Should she really just walk up to her front door after seventeen years and just say, "Surprise!" when she opens it? After thinking about it all the way from Los Angeles, she decided to write her a letter explaining the basics of what had happened to her old friend, and what she should expect to see if she decided to meet her. She would tell her she was staying at the Windsor. If after two weeks Becky had not received a reply, she would just return to L.A. and accept that her friend had no interest in rekindling their friendship.

The next week she spent writing and making brief forays out, about, and around Jamestown. Much to her delight, no one recognized her, not even her old school classmates. The letter was written and rewritten several times before Becky thought it was suitable. It didn't tell the whole story, but it would give her friend enough of it to let her know what to expect.

When she slipped the letter in an envelope and sealed it, she realized she hadn't a stamp to post it. She noticed it was nearing four o'clock, so she decided to take her afternoon jog. For years she had tried to run three miles a day, and she wanted to continue that tradition for as long as she was able. She slipped on sweatpants, hooded sweatshirt and put her hair up in a ponytail. While out jogging, she could stop by the drugstore, pick up a stamp, and put the letter in the morning post.

Becky had been running for about twenty minutes when she cut through the park and noticed a few kids playing hoops outside the community center. Being a sucker for a basketball court and kids, she couldn't resist stopping and watching them play for a while. The woman sat on a bench courtside, massaged her tender right knee, and watched the kids go at it. They were playing a spirited game of three on three. These kids appeared to be aged ten to twelve, and all pretty good, but one player in particular caught Becky's eye. She was the only girl on the court, and holding her own quite well against the boys.

The pony-tailed, left-hander, faked right, spun left, and faded a jumper that kissed off the backboard and drained the chain link net. Becky whistled and clapped, but the kids were too engrossed into the game to acknowledge her presence. The game finished with the girl's team victorious and the five boys soon jogged off the court. Becky watched the young girl shoot for a while and then stretched out her legs to begin running again.

A bouncing ball came flying at Becky and she grabbed it. She turned to pass it back it to the girl, when she motioned for Becky to shoot it. Becky smiled. She couldn't resist the invite, and dribbled up to just inside the three-point line and arched a rainbow left handed jumper that hit dead on. The girl whistled, and then smiled as she grabbed the ball and fired it back to the older girl. Becky took another one from the same spot, but this one was off the mark and the girl chased down the rebound. She dribbled the ball between her legs and arched a jumper that kissed off the backboard and snapped the chain link net. Becky fired the ball back to her, and this started about 15 minutes of shooting practice where the two chatted between shots. Becky found out that her little friend's name was Mandy. She had just turned ten-years-old and loved sports. Her favorite sport was basketball, and she played for a 5th and 6th grade team that her mother coached.

Quickly finding her shooter's rhythm Becky nailed five or six swift jumpers in a row, and then netted a hook shot. Mandy was impressed and asked her if she had played college basketball. Becky told her no, she had only played high school. Grinning proudly with her impish grin, Mandy began to tell her about her mother. Her mother had played high school, college, and even professional basketball in Spain! By the time Mandy had boasted that her mother was the all-time leading scorer at Pine Haven High School, Becky realized she had just stumbled into a hornet's nest, and it would probably be a good idea to get out before she got stung.

The woman told her new friend she had just enough time to hit one last shot and then go, unfortunately Becky hit a cold streak, and had fired four of five misses when she noticed a light blue Suburban pulling up in the parking lot. The horn sounded and she heard a familiar voice holler, "C'mon Mandy, it's time to go!" Mandy ran to the edge of the court and hollered back to her mother, "Mom, come meet my new friend!"

The heart of the older player nearly stopped. She chastised herself for not leaving as soon as she figured out who her little friend was the daughter of. "She was going to leave, but noooo... she just had to hit one last shot," she thought. Mandy had grown tired of waiting for her mother and had went to the Suburban and got her. Becky didn't think she could move or speak as Mandy led her mother onto the court. Mandy's mother was still about five-foot-eight, with strawberry-blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail. She had those sparkling green eyes, and that magical smile. Becky was standing face to face with her old best friend.

Nervously, Becky smiled, holding back tears, and resisting the urge to run up and hug her best friend. Mandy's mother smiled at her and extended her hand in friendship. "Hi! I'm Cassie Chandler. I see you've already met Mandy. I hope she's not been driving you crazy."

Shaking her hand, Becky stammered, "Uh...no, really, she's uh...been fine. We've just been shooting hoops."

Thinking to herself, "Oh, my God! She doesn't even recognize me!", she realized she hadn't introduced herself. She quickly added, "I'm Becky, Becky Taylor."

Mandy jumped in between the two women. "Hey mom, I told her all about you. I told her how you played four years of professional basketball, and was an All-American, and, the all-time leading scorer at Pine Haven High School!"

Blushing a bit, Cassie smiled at Becky. "That was a long time ago. Now, I'm just an old hoop junkie with two kids and a bad hip."

Taking a second, longer look at Mandy's new friend, Cassie noticed something familiar about her. Something she couldn't quite place. "Becky, do you live here in Jamestown?"

Trying to stay as close to the truth without lying as possible, Becky answered, "Well, actually I just moved here from Los Angeles about a week ago. I'm staying up at the Windsor for the moment. I'm not sure how long I'm going to stay at this point."

Even though Cassie nodded, her curiosity hadn't been satisfied. "Did we play against each other in college? I played for West Virginia, and you look so familiar to me."

"No... I uh, didn't play basketball for my college. I just played a couple of years of high school." Becky smiled nervously.

Before Cassie kept digging, Mandy rescued Becky. "Mom, you should see Becky shoot! She's really good and she's tall. You ought to get her to play on your team. If you guys had a big girl then maybe you wouldn't get ran every week."

Laughing lightly at her daughter's comments, Cassie rolled her eyes. "She's right you know. Our team really does need a big girl, and we do get "ran" a lot, but you're more than welcome to play. It's just three on three full-court, and you call your own foul. Most of the women are in their 30's and 40's, so nobody's looking to play in the WNBA. It's just exercise and fun. So... what do ya say? Can I get you to play?"

Two generations of magic smiles beamed at her and when Mandy added a "please," Becky looked from mother to daughter. She was powerless to say no.

"Um...well...okay, but I don't know how long I will be staying in Jamestown, and I'm not really that good," She said with a shy smile.

The strawberry blonde schoolteacher wasn't about to be discouraged by her modest new friend, "Hey girl, don't worry about that. Shoot, you'll do fine." Pointing toward the community center she continued, "We play over there every Wednesday night. Games start at seven o'clock, but we all get there by six thirty to shoot around. The new league starts this Wednesday, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Okay, I'll be there," Becky agreed, with a quick nod.

Mandy had scampered off to the other end to fire a few last shots. Cassie hollered down at her daughter. "Mandy, c'mon... we got to get going!"

Groaning a pout, Mandy sized up another jumper, and pleaded, "Wait a minute mom. You know I can't leave on a miss?" Mandy chucked up another fifteen footer and drained it. She made a fist and exclaimed, "Yes!"

Grinning, Cassie turned to Becky and asked, "Kids...were we ever that young? She's got a twelve-year-old brother and I'm late picking him up from practice, so I really got to run. It's been nice meeting you Becky. See ya tomorrow night!"

Waving at Cassie and Mandy as they ran to the Suburban, Becky watched them pull away, scarcely believing what had just transpired.

To clear her head, she took a deep breath, and then started jogging again. The reality of what had just transpired began to sink in and overwhelm her. Tears streamed down her face as her mind replayed the events that had just happened. When she realized whom Mandy's mother was she should have left. She didn't, strike one. She thought for sure that Cassie would recognize her, but as soon as it was apparent she didn't, Becky should have told her the truth. She didn't, strike two. When Cassie said she looked familiar, she should have told her the truth. She didn't, strike three and out!

Furious with her self, she thought back to what her father had called her many times, "coward"! For once, he was right. She had the opportunity to tell her friend the truth, and once again she hid. She had been hiding a truth from her friend since the first day they met, and today had been no different. She had to tell her tomorrow night before the game. She couldn't let this go any further.

Passing by the drug store she went straight to her apartment. Picking up the letter from the table, she tore it in half and threw in the wastebasket. Too late for letters now, she thought, I've got to do this face to face.

Grabbing a Diet Coke from the fridge, the worried woman stretched out on her bed. The tears were back and this time with stomach cramps so bad she went to the bathroom, heaved, and then came back to her bed, wobbly and ashen faced. She took her night meds and washed them down with the rest of the soda. She winced in pain from the cramps. For now, the painkillers would alleviate the pain. For Becky, it was going to be a long, restless night. She prepared herself to meet Cassie tomorrow.

Late Wednesday afternoon, Becky took a long shower. She hoped the hot pulsating water would relieve the soreness in her muscles, and relax her troubled mind. After spending ten minutes under the scalding spray, Becky stepped from the shower and grabbed two towels. Wrapping one around her body, the other gently around her hair, she sat on the bed rubbing moisturizer into her legs.

The muscle pain had eased off a bit, but her head was pounding from the events of last night. In her thoughts she berated herself continually, not only for the events of last night, but for all the mistakes she had made along the way. Aloud, she lectured her deplorable self... "How could you have been so stupid as to even think about coming back here after seventeen years? Why did you come back anyway? For Cassie's sake? Your sake? Do you really think after all this time, all the changes, and all the pain you've put her through that she's going to forgive you and accept you? You've should have told her in junior high, or high school, or hell even college, but you didn't. You came up with a boatload of reasons for not doing it to, didn't you? Well that boatload, is a load of bullshit. Truth is you were afraid. You were so afraid of the shame and rejection that you ran off to New York and California rather than face her. You spent seventeen years finding yourself. You think you could have found a little courage along the way. All you had to do last night was just say, "Hi Cassie! You want to go shoot some hoops at your place and get a pizza from Li'l Italy's?" She would have known it was you. Now maybe she would have given you a big hug, or maybe she would have given you a left hook, but at least right now it would be over. I can't understand how anyone who has had all those operations, been stuck with about million electrolysis needles, and has walked through Central Park late at night can be afraid of a 5'8" freckle-faced pony tail."

Shaking her head, she then smiled to herself, you know, it was kind of nice that she didn't recognize me. I mean...she talked to me as if I was a real woman, a genetic woman. That sure was nice. It was everything I hoped it would be. I wonder when she finds out who I used to be, if she will ever be able to think of me as a woman again. Mandy thought I was the genuine article. I really like that little girl. She is so like her mother at that age. I wonder if I will ever get the chance to shoot with her again. I just wish I had the time to watch her grow up.

Glancing up at the clock and then over at her row of pill bottles, she let out a heavy sigh, and thought, There's never enough time, so I can't waste anymore. I'll tell her tonight, and what happens, happens.

This will get some attention, she told herself as she put on the uniform she had selected for the game. It was a replica Tennessee Lady Volunteer's... silk jersey and matching shorts. Becky stepped in front of the mirror, grabbed a blue cloth hair tie, and put her hair up in a ponytail. Becky smiled at her reflection. Whenever she put her hair up in a ponytail, she always thought of Cassie and her trademark hairstyle. She had chose a light blue hair tie to coordinate with the orange and light blue from her jersey, and to honor her friend, as light blue had always been her favorite color.

A thought about the light blue Suburban Cassie was driving last night, and Becky smiled as she realized some things never change. Putting on light make-up and spraying on just a hint of Channels #5, she slipped into a grey sweat suit, grabbed her sports bag and headed for the community center.

Pausing momentarily, Becky surveyed the parking lot outside the community center for Cassie's Suburban, but didn't find it. She checked her watch and saw she had made it there by 6:15. She was a little early, but she wanted to catch Cassie as soon as she hit the doors. She wasn't going to have much time, but she didn't need much to explain whom she was.

The rest of the story could wait until later if she still wanted to hear it. Cassie walked down the steps, and on to the carpeted basketball court. About 15 or 20 women were talking and shooting on the four courts that comprised the gym floor. Several women eyed the tall stranger as she walked in, obviously sizing her up for competition. Becky recognized one woman there. Her name was Lynn, but she had never known her that well before, and Becky was sure she wouldn't recognize her now.

With lithe grace and assured feminine deportment, Becky moved to a bench beneath one basket, sat down and slipped off her running shoes. She pulled off her sweats, laced up her high tops and began stretching out her legs. Keeping one eye on the front door, she breathed in the atmosphere. It was the first organized basketball she'd played since high school, but more importantly, it was the first time she had ever played with women, as a woman.

This had been her dream for thirty years, and had lived it vicariously through Cassie, but now she was just minutes away from living it. Her stomach churned, and her palms sweated like she was playing for the state championship. To most of these women, the league meant a break from the husband and kids. It was a chance to socialize with some friends, burn off a few calories, and shoot some hoops for fun. To Becky, it represented her debut into a world where her heart and soul had dreamed of being, but her body had been denied acceptance.

Suddenly, a thought came to her. I'm getting all psyched up to play a basketball game, and I've forgotten the real reason I'm here. I've still got to tell Cassie that her brand new center is actually her very old friend. Piece of cake, right? After I tell her, she can lead me around and introduce me to all the girls. I can hear her now. "Hey everybody, meet my best friend Becky. She used to be the girl with something extra, but she had it removed two years ago!" This was really a dumb idea coming in here. I knew how I would react once I saw the basketball court. Maybe I should just grab my stuff and wait out in the lot for her. Becky was getting ready to grab her bag when she heard her name being called.

Turning, she was quick to see two women smiling and walking toward her. Becky didn't recognize either of them, but it was obvious they knew her. The taller of the two women, a shorthaired brunette, was the first to speak. "Hi! I'm Debbie. You're Becky aren't you? Cassie's friend?"

"Yeah, that's me I guess. I was outside shooting with her daughter yesterday, and before I knew it, she had me signed up to play," Becky answered sheepishly.

The second woman stepped forward. She was maybe 5'2, with long red hair pulled back in a thick brush of a ponytail. "Hi! I'm Katie, and that's Cassie for you. She's always bringing home strays."

All three women laughed, and then Debbie spoke once again. "Cassie called me last night and told me to watch out for you. She said you were a tall, slender blonde named Becky. Everybody here pretty much knows everybody else, so it wasn't too hard to spot a new face."

"I'm really glad you're playing. It's going to be so nice to have a big girl in the middle for once. I'm really getting tired of being a 5'2 center," Katie smiled.

Laughter rained again. Debbie finished the joke. "Sad thing about it is, she's not kidding!" The girls giggled once more.

"I'm really glad to get the chance to play with you guys, but honestly, I'm not all that good, and it's been a long time since I've played serious basketball." Becky smiled.

Katie raised her hand about a foot over her head and smiled at her new teammate.

"Girl, you're six foot tall. It doesn't matter if you're good. Just stand there and block the rim! As far as "serious basketball" is concerned, both Debbie and I are 40, so we gave up serious basketball ten years ago. This is all just fun and exercise. It has to be. It's all we got left. So, relax and just have a good time."

They were warm, funny and had gone out of their way to make her feel comfortable. Becky really liked her two new friends. She glanced over her shoulder at the front doors, and then up at the wall clock. It said 6:45, and she still hadn't seen Cassie. She started warming up with the girls and when she passed a ball to Debbie she asked her if Cassie was coming tonight.

Laughter bubbled as Debbie said, "She's never here on time. That's one reason why she's been trying to find a fourth player. We're always starting five or ten minutes late because her dingy butt isn't here yet. Usually she comes blowing in, takes a warm-up jumper and then starts playing. I don't know how she does it."

The girls continued to shoot, and as seven o'clock rolled around, it was evident that Cassie was going to be her usual late self.

Coming up to Becky, Katie said, "Well rookie, looks like your going to get your first start. Just get all the rebounds, block every shot, and dunk it every time you get the ball. Debbie and I will take care of all the rest."

Obviously, she wasn't going to get the chance to speak with Cassie before the game. Becky shook her head and smiled. She'd just have to keep up appearances until after the game, and then she'd tell her. At least this way, they would get to play one game together no matter what.

The game started and Cassie had yet to show. Both teams missed shots on their first two possessions. Becky was so nervous she fumbled a perfect entry pass from Katie, and then tossed up an air ball on her first shot. She dropped her head. Katie came by and smiled, "Hey big girl, shake it off. Don't make me get a ladder and smack you!" Becky couldn't help but smile at her sprite-sized friend with the giant sense of humor.

Three minutes into the game, Cassie came busting through the door with Devon and Mandy in tow. She hollered across the gym, "Sorry guys!" One of the women on the bench shouted, "The Queen has entered the building!" and laughter erupted all over the court. Cassie shot an evil grin at the perpetrator, and kept hustling to the court where her team was playing. Cassie saw Becky and waved. "Hey girl, glad you could make it!"

Waving back Becky then signaled to Cassie to see if she wanted her to check out, so that Cassie could check in. Cassie waved her off. "No, you stay in. I'll come in for you at the fifteen-minute mark. I really need to stretch out these old muscles.

Leaning back, Cassie watched the game unfold. Her new friend had finally settled down from her opening jitters and was making her presence known. Her blonde ponytail was bobbing up and down all over the court. In just the few minutes that Cassie had been watching, Becky had grabbed several rebounds, blocked a shot, and made two sweet passes. She was hustling on defense and diving for every loose ball. Cassie chuckled to herself. She hadn't seen this kind of intensity since her college days.

Memories of college brought back that lingering feeling of recognition she'd had concerning Becky. She had thought about it off and on all day, but she just couldn't put it together. Watching her play seemed to stir something in her mind. She was even more convinced she'd played against her somewhere, but where? The next two trips down the court she focused solely on Becky. She studied both her body and her game, hoping to find a clue. There was something definitely familiar about both, but she still couldn't place her.

There was something about her blue eyes that was very familiar, but not familiar enough to place a face with. Becky's hustling style of play reminded her of a number of players she had played both with and against, but she wasn't any of those she could remember. As the fifteen-minute mark neared, Cassie decided to quit playing Nancy Drew and leave the mystery alone.

Arthritis had set in and robbed the former star of much of the quickness that had made her a star in the college and pro game. Cassie rubbed her aching hip. She could still light up a scoreboard on a good night, but her days of dominating a game from start to finish were over.

The fifteen-minute mark came and Cassie replaced Becky at the first dead ball. The strawberry blonde reached up and gave the winded Becky a high five for her spirited play. She smiled, "Way to go girl! Nice hustle!"

Becky was too winded to do more than smile and wave. She sat on the bench, sucking gulps of air. She was still in pretty good running shape, but definitely not playing shape. She glanced up at the scoreboard and was pleased to see her team was up by four against a younger and very talented opponent.

Focused on Cassie, Becky realized it was good to see her best friend on the court again. Cassie, Katie, and Debbie gave up a lot of inches and strength to the opposition, but compensated with heart, hustle, and court savvy from their years of basketball experience. Debbie set a screen for Cassie, and Katie threaded a perfect pass to her. Cassie pump-faked, slipped her defender and drilled an eighteen-footer. Her great green eyes sparkled and she flashed her smile at Katie, acknowledging the perfect pass.

Coming up with a loose ball, Debbie fired it ahead to Cassie. She was one on one with her defender. Becky's face filled with excitement, as she knew what was coming. She was going to go vintage "Pistol" on the girl. True to classic form, Cassie stutter-stepped, leaned her shoulder right, and spun back left. Her defender was powerless to do little more than watch as Cassie fading left, arched a short jumper, which kissed the backboard and fell in.

Jumping up to cheer, Becky gasped as Cassie came down awkward from the shot. Her left leg gave and she hit the "carpet" hard. Katie, Debbie, and the defender were immediately there to help her up. Cassie smiled and signaled she was fine, but the smile was more of a wince from the pain. The game continued but Cassie was limping noticeably, and settling for long jumpers instead of challenging the defense.

Checking in at the ten-minute mark for Debbie with her team down by seven, Becky had her second wind and resumed her spirited play. She tried to get every rebound, and contest every shot. Cassie smiled at her friend's youthful enthusiasm. Becky's eyes held the same passion and excitement that was once in Cassie's own eyes, and now in her daughter's. Actually, the passion still burned within Cassie but as she neared 40, she no longer had the body to release it.

Next time down the court, Becky took a nasty dive trying to save an errant pass, and Cassie offered her a hand up and some advice. "Becky, are you forty yet? I mean, not that you look it." Shaking her head no, Becky was a bit puzzled by the timing of that question. Cassie then returned, "Well if you want to live to see forty you'd better slow down a little. You're going to kill yourself out here." Dropping her head, Becky nodded solemnly. Cassie smiled and whispered. "Besides, save a little of that for the second half. I'd love to beat these kids," Cassie finished and winked as the two ran down the court side by side. Becky smiled.

Katie came back in at the five-minute mark and the team went on a run. Becky's enthusiasm was contagious and both Katie and Cassie picked it up a notch. Katie lofted several perfect entry passes into Becky. Becky spun, took a dribble toward the basket, and a second defender slipped over to cut her off. Becky then fired a laser shot to Cassie who drained a wide-open three pointer. Cassie hit back-to-back jumpers, and Katie got a steal and a lay up. With two minutes before halftime they were within four points and beating off her man, Cassie stole an entry pass. She crossed half court with Becky on her left wing and Katie trailing the play. Cassie dropped a bounce pass to the streaking Becky, causing both defenders to shift to the left. Becky took two dribbles, and with her eyes squarely on the basket she fired a behind the back, no look pass to Cassie. The ball hit her dead on stride and she nailed the short jumper. Debbie, Mandy, and Devon went wild on the bench. Cassie pointed her finger at Becky, acknowledging the sweet pass. Becky beamed as she headed back up the court. The half ended as the game had begun. The score was tied, but Cassie's team had a definite momentum advantage, and her name was Becky.

The women and Cassie's kids shot around at halftime. Both Mandy and Devon heaped praise on Becky for her spirited play, and fancy passes. Cassie stood next to Becky as she launched another jumper. "Hey girl, sounds like you got a fan club already."

Smiling beseechingly, Becky rolled her eyes. She grabbed a rebound, fired it back to Cassie. "I'm no star. I'm just an old alley ball player. Besides, I'm not the one with sixteen first half points. You can really shoot the ball Cassie. You got game!"

With a wistful smile, Cassie shook her head. "I used to have game, but that was fifteen years and twenty pounds ago. Speaking of game, give yourself some credit girl. I think you played great. I'll tell you something else. It's been a long time since I've played with someone who can get me the ball like you do. I think you and I are going to play great together, but you're going to have to do one thing for me... shoot the ball! You're the best passing big girl I've ever played with, but we need you to be more aggressive on the offensive end."

A ball bounced back to Becky, she started to shoot then dropped a pass over to Devon, who smiled as he hit the lay up. "Well...I'm kind of used to playing along side a good shooter, so a lot of times I didn't really look to shoot. I'd just try to hustle on defense and get her the ball. My goal was to get her the ball when she wanted it, where she wanted it, and as often as she wanted it."

"I can't put up 40 or 50 points anymore." Cassie turned to Becky. "If this teams going to win, you're going to have to score some inside points. That will open up the perimeter for the rest of us. So...just shoot the ball when you get it down low. Kay? Kay!"

With a curt nod of assent, Becky readied herself for the second half. Cassie's team's spirited play and halftime tie stung the pride of their talented opponents. They came out the aggressors the second half and quickly opened a ten-point lead. Cassie's team made several runs on the strength of Becky's hustle and Cassie's left hand, but the girls ran out of gas the last 5 minutes and lost by 8.

After the game, Debbie and Katie walked over to another court to watch a close game still in progress. Cassie went into the office to make a phone call and Becky started shooting around with Devon and Mandy. When Cassie came out of the office she saw them on a basket at the far end. The three of them were laughing and clowning as they passed the ball around. Becky was grinning from ear to ear. Cassie's discovered that her big, ferocious center was nothing more than a kid at heart. She also discovered something else about her during the second half. She finally solved the mystery. Becky wasn't someone she'd played with or against, but she did remind her of someone else she had known. She was very much like her long lost best friend, Brian.

This woman was just about Brian's height. She was obviously a little shapelier, but both were slender and athletic. Those eyes she had recognized earlier were Brian's as well, but she didn't have his hair color or nose.

Yet it wasn't just the body similarities that had finally made the connection for Cassie. It was Becky's performance, especially the second half. Cassie had pushed Becky to shoot more and in the second half she did. That is what put it all together for Cassie. Becky was a left-hander just like both Brian and Cassie, but when she fired a couple of rainbow jumpers, a fade away turn around, and then a sweet baby hook, Cassie had seen those moves before, and then the name she'd been searching for came to her. It was Brian's name. Becky, just like Brian, would really get down on herself whenever she made a mistake on the court. Both Brian and Becky had no regard for their own bodies, as they both would throw themselves all over the court. Both of their first names even started with the letter "B".

With so many similarities between the two, Cassie wondered if Becky might be related to Brian. She knew Brian was an only child, but his father had been married once before. The thought that she could be Brian's half-sister teased intriguingly at her mind. If not a half-sister maybe a cousin. Brian did have relation who lived somewhere north of Charleston. Becky said she had come from California, but she didn't say she was raised there. Cassie started constructing all kinds of scenarios. By the time she got to the one where aliens had abducted Becky from Brian's parents when she was a baby, she knew she was playing Nancy Drew again.

Chastising herself, Cassie realized she was allowing fantasy and wishful thinking to get the better of her. Becky may have some similarities to Brian, but she wasn't his long lost sister or anything else. Becky just missed Brian so much she was looking for him anywhere she might find him. She wasn't being honest with herself, or fair to Becky. She had to stop this craziness before it went any further.

With a quick glance up at the clock, Cassie realized it was getting late. Becky had gone to the restroom, while the kids continued to run and shoot. Cassie got the kids together and hustled out the side door. When Becky walked out of the restroom, the final game had just ended. Debbie walked across the court and spied Becky searching around the gym. "If you're looking for Cassie and company, they just went out the side door. You have to be fast if you're going to catch her. She's usually the last one here, and the first one to leave."

Shaking her head, Becky replied, "Guess it will keep to next week. I suppose I should get out of here. Hey, it's been real nice playing with you, thanks a lot."

"Glad to have you on the team! Guess I'll see ya next week. Gotta go home and break out the Ben-Gay." Debbie waved to her and then catching up with Katie, the two women walked out the door.

Slipping on her sweats and running shoes before following them out the door, Becky walked down the street, shoulders slumping, head down, and hands in her pockets. It was the classic "Brian" look she had worked so hard to eradicate. Realizing what she was doing, she snapped her head up and arched her back. She had told herself in New York, and again in California, that she would never again be afraid to meet someone's eyes. Brian was ashamed of who he was, but Becky was going to be proud. She had gone through so much pain and sacrifice just for the right to walk down these streets as a woman. Whenever, and wherever she walked she would do it with pride and her head held high.

Though Becky's head rose, her thoughts were still heavy on her heart. She had missed her chance again! She should have waited outside the office for Cassie while she was on the phone, but she started shooting with the kids and got lost in their world. The memory of that brought a smile and a glow to her face. She thought about each of Cassie's kids.

"Devon's such a sweetie. He going to be a real heartbreaker with those blue eyes, and Mandy...God, she looks, acts and hoops so much like Cassie it's unreal. She's even got the smile. They really are good kids, and I had a blast playing around with them. It was almost like being a kid again, only this time, the right sex!"

With a softer sigh, she chastised herself for mooning over a lost childhood. Looking behind her, and wishing for a life she had been denied, did nothing but depress the little girl within her. All of us, no matter how old, carry a child within. For Becky, her child was a powerful and passionate entity. Perhaps because the little girl within her had been imprisoned in a boy's body and was unable to experience life like other little girls, she was angry and frustrated. Even though Becky was fast approaching forty, the little girl imprisoned within refused to grow up. She simply wanted the life she was entitled to, and she wasn't growing up until she got it.

Nothing would have pleased Becky more than to be able to grant that little girl her wish, but all she could do was acknowledge her presence, and indulge her whenever she poked her head out, just like she did tonight. Becky was a thirty-eight-year-old woman, and a little girl. They both deserved a better fate than life had dealt them.

Tears ran down Becky's cheeks as she braced herself against the cold night air. Becky knew better than to dwell on her little girl within. It always resulted in tears, and "pity parties." She had too much going on in reality to allow herself this indulgence. She had to decide when or now if; she was going to tell Cassie. Her stance on telling her had softened somewhat after the game. She knew it was still the right thing to do, but she so enjoyed being Becky and interacting with her old friend. She didn't want that to change. Whatever she was going to do, she would have to do it next week. If she didn't tell her then, she doubted if she ever would. She just didn't have the time to agonize over this anymore.

Arriving alone at her apartment, the lonely woman walked over to stand by the radiators and warm herself. Several sharp cramps and a familiar wave of nausea overcame her. She was late taking her night meds. As she poured the pills into her hand, her mind went back to her final thoughts on the street. "Time, she was running out of time."

Though it was not her desire, Becky spent the next week playing hermit. Her knees were tender so she didn't even go jogging. With the exception of an emergency Diet Coke, and frozen pizza run, the only time Becky left her room was to pick up her prescriptions from the drugstore. Becky didn't want a chance encounter with Cassie. She had weighed the facts again, and once again came to the same conclusion. The right thing to do was to tell Cassie, and it would have to be after the game Wednesday night.

Next Wednesday came and it started out very much like last Wednesday. Becky was early, Cassie was late, but this time she had left the children over at her brother Brad's. Becky took the fact that her old and dear friend was alone as a good omen. It would make it much easier to discuss the situation without the kids nearby. She would corner her immediately after the game, tell her the truth, and finally it would be over.

The game that night was a good one. The teams were evenly matched and both playing well. In a game that saw the teams exchange two and four point leads all night long, Cassie's team got the final and most important lead. Becky scored off an offensive rebound, and Cassie a long jumper. Their team won by four points. It was the first win in six games for Cassie's team, and the ladies celebrated.

After exchanging high fives all around, Cassie headed for the office, and Becky followed right behind her. She stopped by the basket nearest the office, and started shooting around while keeping one eye on the office door.

Twenty minutes later, Cassie came out. Becky ran up to her to have her little talk, when she noticed that Cassie was sniffling, and obviously been crying. Becky's grand plan went straight out the window at the sight of her troubled friend. She moved by her side, and spoke with concern in her voice. "Cassie, are you alright?'

Cassie sniffled and rubbed her nose. "Yeah...I'll be okay. I got to be. I don't have a choice." She hesitated a moment, and then began the tale. "It's...It's just my ex-husband. He's driving me crazy! Look, I'm sure you really want to hear all this."

Becky put an arm on her shoulder. "I don't mind listening and it sounds like you really could use someone to talk to. I got the time tonight, so we can sit and talk about anything you want. Of course, I may beg you for a ride home, if you don't mind."

Cassie looked at Becky in amazement. "You mean to tell me you're walking? I am definitely giving you a ride home. It's way to cold, damp and dark for you to be out there on the street."

The two women grabbed their gear and headed out to Cassie's suburban. Cassie threw Becky the keys and it startled her. She froze in her tracks, starring at the keys in her hand. "Uh, Cassie, thanks, but I don't drive. I don't even have a license!"

Cassie regarded her friend for a moment, shook her head, and smiled. "The keys are to open the passenger side door. The driver's side door doesn't open from the outside so you'll have to slide over, and let me in."

Becky's face flushed with embarrassment. "Sorry, I uh...well I thought..."

Cassie laughed and cut her off. "I see that blonde goes straight to the roots huh?"

Becky was glad to see Cassie smile, even if it was at her expense.

If Cassie had been thinking, she would have added another similarity between Brian and Becky. Neither one of them drove. Fortunately for Becky, Cassie had put Nancy Drew asleep for the night, and that fact went unnoticed. While she fired up the Suburban, and told Becky to move the books and junk into the back seat, she uttered a mother's excuse. "Kids, sports, school stuff...this thing is always a mess."

Becky just smiled and nodded as if she knew from personal experience.

"Have you ever been married Becky? Do you have any kids?" Cassie asked, taking the iniative.

"Nope, neither one. It's just little ol' me. I don't even have a cat," Becky said, and shook her head.

In an instant Cassie picked up on the hint of sadness in Becky's voice. "I can't speak very highly about marriage, but you really ought to think about having kids, or at least adopting. I think you would be so great with kids. I know mine just love you to death. They said my team doesn't stink anymore, because now I have Becky!" Both women laughed at that remark. "I'm serious Becky. If you don't want kids of your own, maybe you should think about volunteering at the grade school or at the community center. The way you were playing with my kids last week, it seemed like you were more comfortable with them than us old women!"

Becky paused a moment before fielding that one. It had gone straight to her heart. "Kindred spirits I suppose. As far as taking on a child or getting involved in a program somewhere, I just don't think I have the time."

"Oh girl, you don't know what you're missing." Cassie tried to tempt her. "It does take a lot of time and patience to raise children, but it is so worth it. Children are the greatest blessing in the world. My kids are what keep me going, when otherwise I would just pack it in. I'd give anything to have another one." She paused a moment as she hit a painful memory. "I had a rough time during Mandy's pregnancy. I almost lost her. After I had her, they told me I could never carry a child again."

"Oh Cassie, I'm really sorry."

" Hey, I shouldn't be complaining. I got two great kids. If I was destined to have another one the good Lord would have given me one." Cassie sighed heavily. "Becky, you know I played college ball, and professionally in Europe. That was a fantastic experience. It was a dream come true, but it still doesn't compare to the joy I get when I am with my kids. The kids' father and I have been divorced for about seven years. When Craig has the kids out to Denver for a week or two, I just about go out of my mind. Craig said I was too focused on the children, maybe he's right, but I can't help how much I love them. Craig said I spent too much time with the children, and not enough with him, so...he...found someone else who gave him all her attention. I am such a goof, can you believe after all that I still love that man?"

Reaching across the seat, Becky took Cassie's hand and squeezed it. She didn't say anything. She didn't need too. Cassie wasn't really looking for advice. She just needed someone to listen, and be there. She needed a best friend. Brian had been that friend for many years. Now, at least for a while, Becky could be that friend.

Cassie's glanced at her dashboard clock. "Oh no, Brad's going to kill me! I should have picked up the kids thirty minutes ago. Geez Becky, I'm so sorry about going on like this. If I get started on Craig and the kids, I don't know when to stop. I get so upset after I get on the phone with him, and he really got to me tonight. I can't thank you enough for listening. It's been a long time since I've had a friend I can talk to like this. You can't imagine how much it's helped me."

Nearly overwhelmed by the compassion she felt for her troubled friend, Becky said, "I know what it's like to have a really good friend to talk to. I also know what it's like when they are gone. I'm just glad I could be there for you. Anytime you need to talk, anytime at all, just come by the Windsor. I'm always home."

Cassie reached over and hugged Becky. "I'll remember that, thank you. Maybe next Wednesday you can do the talking and I'll do the listening. I bet you have some great stories about living in California!"

Becky shrugged her shoulders. "I wasn't your typical California girl, but that's a story for another time."

Cassie let Becky out and waved to her as she drove off.

Waving back, she watched the Suburban disappear into the night. Becky wearily climbed the steps to her apartment. She had fought hard to hold back her tears while she had listened to her friend unload, but by the time she had gotten inside her apartment, they were flowing freely. Compassion for her friend, as well as all the anxieties of her own life, combined to overwhelm her. She cried until she was spent. Finally she got up and went for her comfort food. She popped in a frozen pizza, and grabbed a soda to wash down the pills before the cramps and headache start. She spent the rest of the night awake contemplating her life, her friendship with Cassie and where they were both heading.

By dawn she had made up her mind. Right or wrong, she wasn't going to tell Cassie. If Cassie figured it out on her own, then Becky would deal with it then. Cassie didn't need another heartache right now. What she needed was a friend, and Becky wanted to be that friend. Bringing Brian back to her now might just push Cassie over the edge. As Becky, on the other hand, might just be able to keep her from going over that edge.

In the grey light filtering in, she thought about why she had returned to Jamestown. She wanted Cassie to know the truth, but perhaps the truth isn't always the most important thing. Becky wasn't going to be able to stay long. Maybe it was better that she lived this lie, and helped her friend today. The truth could wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow would be here in just a few short months. She could "omit" the truth that long. After she left Jamestown, she would be sure that Cassie got a letter that explained the whole truth.

Coming back to Jamestown had also been to be able to walk the streets as the person she truly was. She had done that. The same guys who had teased and belittled her, held doors for her when she walked in. She hadn't come here to exact revenge, or embarrasses them as they had her. She just wanted them to see her for who she is, even if they never know who she was.

A tightness gripped her throat when she thought back to Cassie. She had come to tell her the truth, but she had also come hoping that they might be able to resume their friendship. They had been so close before. The fact that Brian had been a boy never really got in the way. Becky wanted to be able to talk to her, and do things with her that only another woman could do. She had done that too. Cassie had connected with her immediately, not just because she was a woman, but also because she still had the same soul that Brian had. Becky being a woman just made everything easier for both of them. She was Cassie's friend, sister in womanhood, and teammate. That was all she needed to be for now.

The next two months went pretty well for Cassie's team. They won four games, and lost four, but were competitive in every one. They ended the regular season at five and five, and made the playoffs.

Now Becky felt better than she had in a year. Being connected with Cassie again, had made her spirit soar. Whenever Cassie brought the kids to the game, Becky would stay late shooting with them, until Cassie threatened to leave all three of them. When Cassie came alone, they would park in front of Becky's and talk. Mostly, Cassie would talk, usually about Craig and sometimes about the kids. Becky would add advice when she felt it was warranted. Becky would always try to steer clear of conversations about her own past. She had to lie, but she didn't want to lie anymore than she had to. Becky would usually try to turn the conversation back toward Cassie. She was always asking Cassie to tell her stories about her professional career in Europe. To Cassie, it was ancient history; to Becky it was missing pieces in a friendship. Cassie would marvel at the way Becky would hang on her every word. She sat there, all wide-eyed and excited, just like Mandy did whenever she begged a story out of Cassie.

When Cassie asked Becky if she was looking for work, Becky told her that she had cashed in a 401k, so she didn't have to work for a while. Becky was always careful to never commit to how long she would be staying. Each week, Cassie would drop her off and tell her, "Your ponytail and butt better be there next week, girl friend!"

Then Cassie's team won their first playoff game on the shooting touch of Cassie's left hand. She was vintage "Pistol" again. She started the game by hitting her first three shots and never let up. Becky, Katie, and Debbie just concentrated on getting her the ball and getting out of her way. When the horn sounded, Cassie had amassed those 50 points she said she could never score again. Next week they would be playing for the championship.

The kids, Cassie and Becky grabbed sandwiches at "Suzy Q's." Jamestown's 50's style drive-in, and celebrated the victory. Becky and Cassie reveled in the moment. It was good that they did, as next week's game was nearly over before it started.

That night Cassie came in on time for once, but was limping and in serious pain. The hip was out again, and she grimaced on every jumper she shot in warm-ups. Becky tried to convince her to sit out, but she insisted that it would ease up once she got on the court. She played the first ten minutes of the game on sheer heart, determination, and plain stubbornness. When she came out, she was hurting so bad her hands were doubled in fists and tears welled in her eyes. She didn't play another minute that night.

Without Cassie's leadership and offense, Becky and her teammates struggled to find their rhythm. At the half they were down by sixteen, and it easily could have been worse. All they could do was try to come out the second half and make it respectable.

Cassie, Mandy, and anyone else who stayed around to watch the second half saw the best game that Brian Baker or Becky Taylor had ever played. Cassie was used to the reckless abandon that Becky played with. She'd seen the passion and youthful enthusiasm that often sparkled in her eyes, but she had never seen such fire and determination. Becky's game face told she was a woman on a mission, and she played like it. Becky knew if they had the slightest chance of winning, she was going to have to dominate the court like Cassie. She was going to have to score big and often. She attacked the defense like a blonde tornado, and she had them reeling in her path.

With an assortment of jumpers, drives, and rebound baskets, Becky had pulled her team to within two points with 8 seconds to go, and they had possession of the ball. Katie pounded the ball at the top of the key, Debbie set a screen and Becky rolled across the middle, but Katie's man dropped off to deny the entry pass. With the clock nearing zero, Katie had no choice but to fire the wide open jumper. Her shot was long and bounced off the right side of the rim. Becky rose above the other players, grabbing the rebound, and shooting while she was still in the air. Her soft shot, kissed off the backboard, hung teasingly on the rim for a moment and then rolled off as the horn sounded.

Exhausted and devastated, Becky fell to the floor. She got a hand up from several players and congratulations on a great game from everyone. Cassie's remarks as she drove Becky to her apartment were the ones she cherished most.

"I guess I need to throw out my hip more often!" Cassie glanced over at Becky. "I'm about serious girl. You always play like a hyperactive eight year old, but I've never seen you play like that. If you would have brought that game with you every night, we would have been undefeated. I knew you had more game than you showed, and you really impressed me."

Though smiling broadly, Becky blushed. She was beaming with pride at Cassie's glowing praise. She looked like a little girl who had just made her mother very happy. "I know all this is for fun, but I really wanted to win. I was determined to play the game of my life or die trying."

"Well girl, you looked like you were playing for the WNBA championship out there." Cassie smiled. "With the look you had on your face, I wouldn't have wanted to be between you and the basket! I don't know why you never played college ball, but if you could play like this every night, you could have picked your college, and maybe even went pro. I am serious kid. You showed some real talent out there tonight."

Becky blushed and beamed again, while adding a little humor to the situation. "Well, just keep that in mind when we renegotiate my contract next season! If I'm going to be a star, I want to make as much money as you do for playing."

The pain of the loss was replaced by the joy of friendship. Cassie pulled Becky's ponytail with her right hand. "Yeah, just like I said earlier. You're blonde clear to the root!" Both women laughed heartily.

Uncharacteristically, Mandy had been quiet all the way to Becky's. When the blonde looked in the back to tell her goodbye, she found out why. Mandy was asleep. Her angelic face looked so peaceful and innocent. Becky looked at her longingly, and then blew her a kiss. Cassie watched them both and sighed, "They all look like angels when they're sleeping. The horns only come out when they're awake." She paused a minute to regard the look on Becky's face. "I bet you were just like her as a little girl."

Becky turned to face Cassie. There was great sadness in her eyes. "In spirit only... in spirit only."

Puzzled by Becky's reply, the coach asked, "In spirit only?"

Realizing she was getting to close to the truth, she hedged, "I mean...I didn't get to do a lot of things that Mandy does, but I always wanted to."

Seeming satisfied with the explanation, Cassie giggled softly, "Well, I'd better get sleeping beauty home. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you. We don't play for two weeks and when we start up again, we won't be playing at the community center. We always play the spring and summer season at my court. I've got a full court out behind my house. It's got lights for the night games. I think you'll love it. Don't worry about getting there. It's too far for you to jog, so I'll pick you up and bring you back. Be ready by 5:30! See ya then!"

Becky waved as Cassie pulled away. Stunned, she walked up to her apartment. "Cassie's Court!" She thought, "I'm really coming home now."

The pony-tailed blonde spent most of the next two weeks just hanging around Jamestown. No longer worrying about running into Cassie, she felt much more at ease to explore the town.

The weekend before the opening of the new season, Becky came down with a very nasty stomach flu. When Cassie picked her up Wednesday evening, she was pale and fevered, but determined to play. As Cassie drove, she described the long and storied history of "Cassie's Court." She said some of the greatest times of her life were spent playing basketball with her best friend on that court. Becky's stomach churned from the stomach flu, and her heart ached from the memories that Cassie stirred up.

Waiting for Cassie when she pulled into the driveway were Mandy, Devon, and Cassie's brother Brad. The kids rushed up to the car, and started dragging Becky toward the court. Cassie laughed, "It's tough being a star isn't it?"

Shooting her friend a grimacing glance, she then just threw up her hands in total surrender. Cassie stopped Becky's entourage long enough for her to meet Brad. They both returned polite "Hi"s, but as she walked toward the court, Brad gave her a quick once over and smiled. The blonde noticed it, and smiled to herself. "In twelve years, he never once gave Brian the time of day. In twelve seconds, he actually spoke to, smiled at, and checked out Becky. You go girl!"

The kids led her around the house and to the court; it was if she'd stepped through a time portal. Everything was very nearly the same as it had been twenty years before. The house, the court, and the lot next-door were almost identical to the way she remembered them. Becky glanced over to her old house and saw time had not been so kind to it. The basketball goal was gone. The grass was high and the house was in desperate need of a coat of paint.

Devon, watched her stare at the old house. He told her, "No one's lived there in a long time. It's pretty junkie." Becky tried to get her mind off old memories and old houses by shooting with the kids, but the flu was racking her body, and she had no energy. She played the best game she could, but hardly able to breathe, and she had none of her old drive and hustle. Cassie played pretty well, but the team missed Becky's spark, and they were soundly defeated.

All the while playing mother hen, Cassie drove her friend home. Becky enjoyed having Cassie's motherly side directed at her. She played the dutiful daughter in return, by answering, "Yes, Mom," to every statement she made. She then left the younger woman with strict orders of bed rest and herbal teas. Just to accentuate it, she finished with an ominous, "or else!" if Becky didn't do it.

Lying around the apartment the entire week, Becky drank herbal teas until her bladder was floating, but the flu hadn't subsided. When Cassie picked up Becky, she could tell she was still sick.

"Did you stay in bed, and drink herbal tea like I told you?"

Becky smiled, and did her best little girl voice. "Yes Mom, I did. I was a good girl!"

Cassie shook her head and smiled back at her. "Okay you goof! If you want to act like Mandy, then I'll treat you like her. I'm going to call my doctor and get you an appointment, Little Miss!"

Immediately the blonde waved her off, "No, Cassie, that's not necessary. I'll be fine. It's just a nasty flu. Look, I'll pick up some flu meds at the drugstore when we get back."

Cassie wasn't convinced. "C'mon Becky. Let me call my doctor. She's a real sweetheart. She can prescribe something stronger than those over-the-counter pretenders.

I can probably get you in this week, pleeease..."

Becky did the one thing Brian had never done before. She managed to resist the power of a Cassie "pleeease."

"No! Cassie, really! I've seen enough doctors to last me a lifetime. I'll be alright." Seeing the concern in Cassie's eyes, she added, "I'll make you a promise. If I don't get better in a week or two, you can call your doctor. Okay?"

The mother of two, Cassie knew she'd won a minor victory and gladly accepted it. "Okay, but I'm going to hold you to that."

Closing the conversation with her little girl voice again she simpered, "Yes, Momma."

Cassie shook her head and smiled as they arrived at her house.

Becky played a little better, but the flu had robbed her of her stamina, and she couldn't stay in the game for more than three minutes at a time. They lost the game and their record fell to 0 and 3. Cassie drove Becky to the drugstore to pick up her flu meds before dropping her off at the apartment. Cassie repeated her earlier prescription of bed rest and herbal teas.

Becky settled in for the night. She hadn't eaten since breakfast, but her churning stomach balked at the thought of food. With a Diet Coke, she washed down a few saltines and took her night meds. To take the flu meds, with all the other medication she was taking, was unthinkable; she just could NOT risk a drug interaction. She went to sleep telling herself that she would be over this flu by next Wednesday, or at least her friend would think she was. There was no way that she was going to see Cassie's doctor, or any other doctor in Jamestown.

Come the following Wednesday, Becky actually felt a little better. Her stomach still wasn't taking food very well and she was a little tired, but definitely better. She put on her uniform, pulled her hair up and put on a little extra base to cover the paleness of her skin and the dark circles beneath her eyes. She did her best impression of a Diana Prince smile as her friend picked her up for the game. Cassie eyed her new friend closely as she slid into the Suburban. "Hey girlfriend, you feeling any better?"

Becky flashed the smile and answered. "Much better, and I owe it all to you and your herbal teas!"

Cassie rolled her eyes at the flippant remark, and then noticed her friend's heavily made up face. "Hey what's with all the war paint tonight? You got a hot date with Brad after the game?"

Waving her hand and the girl shook her head to say no. "The only "hot date" I have tonight is with an offensive rebound, okay? Actually, I just felt like being pretty tonight." Becky pursed her lips, batted her eyes, and struck a femme fatale pose.

"Okay, Madonna, just be ready to play tonight. I'd like to win at least one game this season."

Cassie didn't get her wish as her team dropped their fourth straight game. Becky played her best game on Cassie's Court, but she still wasn't anything close to the dynamo she had been at the community center. After she got home from the game that night, she had terrible heaves and her body ached at every joint.

In the early hours of the morning, she sat by the window. She was crying, rocking and clutching her childhood stuffed lion. He was as well worn as the Velveteen Rabbit, and just as well loved. Across her bed lay pamphlets, medical reports and books, but she didn't need to consult them. Becky knew it all by heart. She didn't have the flu any longer, maybe she never did. Coming from California she wanted to believe she might lose her pursuer, or that somehow Cassie's magic could make it all better, but those were childish dreams, as hopeless as those Brian used to have. Brian used to believe that if he just wished hard enough, he could wake up one morning and be a girl just like Cassie. But he had learned a long time ago that those dreams couldn't come true. Now, Becky was learning the same lesson.

The only thing left for her now was to decide how much longer you could risk staying. As long as she could still get up and down the court and spend time with her, she wanted to. However, if Cassie suspected the truth, or if she allowed herself to get too sick before leaving, she would end up in a hospital with Cassie by her side. She was not about to put either of them through that. Increasing her pain meds the slender blonde decided to continue doing what she'd been doing all along, take each day as it comes, and be ready to leave tomorrow.

She played the next two games, and then missed one. She used her sore knee as an excuse, and Cassie half bought it. There was but one game left in the season and Becky knew it was to be her final game. She wasn't about to miss it.

Not even pancake make-up could hide the dark circles or the tiredness in her face and eyes. Already slender by nature, she looked emaciated, having dropped twenty pounds over the last six weeks. Sweat ran streaks down her make-up before the game even started. The July heat was bad, but Becky knew it was her fever that had returned. She grabbed a bottle of PowerAde and washed down some pills while Cassie eyed her suspiciously; the coach was worried about her friend's health, and intended to confront her about it after the game.

Knowing this was to be her last game, she summoned up strength out of pure heart and willful determination. For the first time all summer, she showed flashes of the old Becky and at halftime they were up five. Though tired and sick, nothing could have kept her off that court the second half. With two minutes to go and the game comfortably in hand, the tall blonde and another girl fought for a rebound. Becky banged hard off the other girl and then fell to one knee. A wave of nausea overcame her and she stumbled courtside. She heaved up the blood-splattered bile she'd grown accustomed to seeing the last few weeks, wiped her mouth and turned to find Cassie's concerned face behind her.

Cassie's eyes lit up at the trace of blood on Becky's lips. "Girl, you're bleeding! Are you going to be all right?'

With her wristband, Becky wiped away the last trace of blood from her lips. Weakly she replied, "Yeah...I'm okay. I-I... umm...took a shot in the mouth, and I think I cracked a tooth. It's just a little blood, and it made me sick. It's no big deal."

Cassie wasn't so easily convinced, "Okay Mighty Isis! Have a seat and watch us old women finish off a win, but I'm telling you something right now, and I'm serious! Tomorrow, I'm calling my doctor and your going to see her. You can go willingly, or kicking and screaming." She then added with a smile. "And you can ask Devon and Mandy, I like kicking and screaming."

Too tired and too sick to argue she just nodded accordingly. Within in minutes, the game was over and the women celebrated their victory in earnest. Becky helped Cassie clean up the court after everyone else had left. It was only then the baleful blonde noticed the kids hadn't been around all evening. "Hey Becky, where's Heckle and Jeckle tonight? Are they over at Brad's? I miss shooting around with them after our games.

Cassie sighed. "They're with Craig for two weeks. This is his two weeks during the summer visitation. I miss them so much. I'm about ready to go nuts. You know, today's my birthday. This is the first year I won't be spending my birthday with the kids."

Becky had forgotten Cassie's birthday. She couldn't bear her being alone and depressed. "Say Cassie, why don't you let me buy your birthday dinner or at least a drink tonight? You can't just sit around here and be depressed on your birthday. You're turning 39, right?" The mother of two just nodded. "Okay, then next year you will have the right to get depressed. This is the last year to live it up big! C'mon, we'll have a girls' night out. It will be fun, you'll see. You pick the place, and I'll buy. Unless maybe, you got a "hot date" tonight?"

Cassie picked up on the reference. "Touché Becky, but I still don't much feel like celebrating."

Becky pulled a Cassie trick out of her hat. "C'mon girlfriend, I don't feel like going home and sitting alone tonight. We can just sit and talk and nurse a couple of drinks if you want, pleeease."

Cassie couldn't resist her own line and finally agreed.

Changing shirts they headed into town. Cassie's spirits had already lifted. While in the house changing, Devon and Mandy had called to wish her a happy birthday. Feeling a lot more like celebrating, Cassie said she knew the perfect place to go. It was an old high school favorite of hers, and still had the best pizza in town. The blonde didn't have to see the sign when they pulled in to know where the strawberry blonde had taken them. It was "Li'l Italy".

Brian and Cassie had spent so much time and money devouring pizzas there; they should've offered to buy the place. It would have ultimately been cheaper. While Cassie led Becky to what had been her and Brian's favorite booth she gave her new friend an animated description of how cheesy and delicious a Li'l Italy pie was. The shop was permeated in the aroma of mozzarellas, Parmesan and tomato sauce. It was the one smell that always made Brian hungry even when he thought he was too depressed to eat. For Becky, coming here was like walking into an old memory, but the smell made her stomach queasy. Even pizza, one of her oldest and dearest loves, was lost to her now.

Becky ordered a Diet Coke and Cassie ordered a margarita and recommended a large pepperoni pie with extra cheese. "I didn't know you drink, kid." The blonde was shocked.

"Well...I don't drink often, but when I do, it's always a margarita. I got a taste for them in Spain. Craig used to take me to this place that made killer margaritas." The margarita had reminded her of Craig, and happier times they had shared in Spain.

Over the next hour and a half, Becky picked at her slice of pizza, while Cassie poured her heart out about Craig and their failed marriage, of how he had really been pressing hard for a second chance. He had begged her to come back to Denver with the kids and try again. Cassie hadn't mentioned any of this to the kids. They would obviously jump at the chance for their family to be reunited, but their mother knew that they couldn't understand it wasn't as simple as just moving to Denver. She couldn't trust her husband when she left him. What was there to make her think she could trust him now? She still loved him, and always would, but love isn't enough when you live in the real world. There was also the matter of her house, her job, and the kids' activities in school. She didn't want her or the kids to lose the security and routine they'd grown accustomed to.

As always, Becky let her run, and then interjected thoughts and advice, as they seemed pertinent. Cassie finally wound down. She still wasn't sure what to do about Craig, but she felt a lot better having talked about it. Her girlfriend's support had given her confidence in herself to make the right decision.

Suddenly switching the topic to their basketball league and the playoffs next week The coach said, "Becky, since you're not doing anything on next Wednesday, why not come over to the court and work the scoreboard for the playoffs. It will give us a chance to chat, and oh by the way, in case you think this one margarita has made me forget our little conversation at the end of the game, you are sorely mistaken, missy. I'm still calling my doctor tomorrow." Cassie pointed at Becky's plate and its half-eaten piece of pizza. "You've barely eaten one slice of pizza; you've got to be sick."

Before the sick comrade could comment on anything, her friend had said, the team owner's eyes lit up. "I just thought of something. Why don't you crash at my house for a week? You're all alone up in that apartment. I'm alone in my big house. We can shoot hoops, rent videos, and talk all night like a couple of teen-age girl, and... I know you won't weasel out of your doctor's appointment. C'mon it will be good for both of us. Just say yes Becky, pleeease!"

Becky thought for a moment. A week of hanging with Cassie was very tempting, but she'd already stayed too long. If she stayed one more week, she'd end up dying here, and she had already ruled that out.

A sad expression told Cassie the answer before Becky began to speak. "Gee kid, I'd love to spend the week with you, but uh... actually I'm leaving for awhile. I'm going back to California to see my doctor. As you probably have figured out, it's not just the flu that's got me dragging tail. I um...got serious ulcer problems. That's why I've been so sick, and not able to eat. It's kind of complicated but they'll probably run some tests, change my meds, and I'll be my old sassy self in no time."

"Becky, you are coming back aren't you?" Cassie was concerned for her friend's health and sad to think of her leaving. The emaciated girl turned to face the window. Now she was flat lying to her best friend, and she didn't know how much longer she could keep this up. She answered her without looking at her. "I plan to come back. I want to come back."

Cassie reached across the table and squeezed her friend's hand. The younger woman looked across at her friend; both women were on the verge of tears. The winsome strawberry blonde was the first to speak.

"Oh Becky, please come back! I know we've been friends for just a few months, but I've really grown close to you. It's been so great to have another woman to talk to. I can't tell you how much you've helped me by just being there. I love playing basketball with you. We even win a game or two with you around. And the kids... ghad, they love you to death. Becky, I haven't had a friend like you in years. I really don't want to lose you."

Becky's heart was breaking. She could barely look Cassie in the eye, let alone speak. Cassie broke the momentary silence. "Do you remember the first night we met? You looked so familiar to me, but I couldn't remember where I'd seen you. It wasn't until I watched you play the next night at the community center that I figured out who you reminded me of. You remind me of the only best friend I've ever had. That is until I met you. His name was Brian. We grew up together. He lived in the vacant house across the lot from me. We did everything together. We used to sit in this same booth. We'd eat pizza and talk until they ran us out of here. We spent hours and hours, days and nights playing basketball on my court. Those were the best games of one-on-one I've ever played. You could put us on the same team and we could whip any two boys crazy enough to try and beat us. Becky, if it wasn't for Brian, and those workouts we went through, I never would have been the college or pro player I became."

Cassie wiped a tear from her eye. Becky still had not spoken. She couldn't. All she could do was think. "Oh God, Cassie please forgive me. I never meant to put you through this."

Cassie took a deep breath and continued, "I loved him Becky. I really loved him, but it wasn't like you're probably thinking. I mean...we were never boyfriend and girlfriend. We were better than that. We were best friends. The fact that he was a guy never got in the way, and I was closer to him than to any girl I knew. I didn't have very many girl friends. I was so into basketball, and so not into being a disco queen that half the girls I went to school with were afraid I was a lesbian. See, I didn't fit in, and Brian, he didn't fit in either. Brian wasn't any more the typical guy than I was the typical girl. His basketball coach, his teammates, even his own father hated him. I think that's why we were such good friends. We were misfit hoop junkies who didn't have anyone else. We even shared an apartment for years while we went to the University of West Virginia. After college, I went to play pro ball overseas. We lost touch and I never found him again. Lord knows I've tried though."

Their waiter came up to see if they needed refills. The blonde answered no for both of them, "Thanks."

Becky finally spoke up. "Cassie, I don't know what to say. I'm really sorry."

Cassie smiled through her tears. "It's alright sugar. It's not your fault. It's just... well... you remind me so much of him. You look enough like him to be his sister, and you play so much like him on the court, but the way you and I connected...well, that was just the way it was with Brian and me. I know you're not Brian's sister, or long lost cousin, but the resemblance just blew me away. Hey, look... I'm really sorry if this makes you feel uncomfortable. I think maybe I just miss him so much, I started seeing things in you that really aren't there and I apologize. You don't deserve all this. It's just that Brian's been gone so long. I don't even know if he's alive. I've lost Brian. I just hate to lose you too."

Becky's face fell into her hands as she cried. She couldn't let this go on any longer, not one word longer. Everything for her changed. This lie she was living had seemed like the best way to deal with the situation, but now she realized it was totally and cruelly wrong. Her best friend was now going to end up mourning the loss of two friends. She deserved to be told the truth. She needed to know that Brian was a heartless rat who lied to her, and didn't deserve the love she still felt for him.

She raised her eyes to meet Cassie's, wiping the tears from her own eyes. "Cassie, I've got something to tell you and I don't know how to say it, but Lord knows I've got to."

Cassie's eyes grew wide with concern. "Hey girl, you're scarring me now. Look, I don't know what it is that you have to tell me, but I think you better just say it."

Slowly letting out a breath the blonde asked Cassie if she wanted another margarita before she started. She assured her that she would need it, but Cassie just motioned for her to get on with it.

Finally, Becky began. "Cassie, I lied to you. I've lied to you from the first night we met. I did play basketball against you in college, but I wasn't on another team."

Cassie cut in. "Well, I know you weren't on my team. I'm sure I'd remember you from school."

Becky waved her off. "Cassie, please...just wait until I finish."

Cassie nodded, and Becky continued. "We played ball together in college and high school. We played on your court and the lot next door." She paused to swallow. The coach's face was etched with confusion. She still hadn't figured out who sat before her.

Finally removing all doubt, the sick girl told her, "We were good friends and...I had a nickname for you. I called you..."Pistol".

Cassie's mouth flew open. Her mind registered who was truly sitting before her, but it was too much to accept at once. Her eyes were filled with shock and disbelief. Thirty seconds of silence passed between the two women before the girl sitting before her spoke. "For Pete's sake Cassie, say something, anything. Just speak to me!"

Cassie leaned across the booth. "Is that really you in there Brian?'

Dropping her eyes to the table she sighed soft, "Yeah Cassie, it's really me, and I'm so sorry about everything."

Cassie stood up from the booth and stepped over in front of her long lost friend. The other girl stood up and faced her. The strawberry blonde took a moment to stare deeply into the blonde's eyes. At that moment, all she wanted to do was hold the person standing before her, so Cassie grabbed Becky, and put her arms around her. The two women stood in the middle of the floor hugging and crying. In between sobs, the older girl kept repeating, "I missed you so much." The younger just kept saying she was sorry.

The crowd at Li'l Italy watched the women embrace for nearly five minutes before Cassie finally released Becky.

Cassie stood there just looking Becky up and down, smiling lovingly and shaking her head. All of the sudden, the expression changed, and she unleashed a left hook that hit the slender girl square in her right shoulder and sent her crashing back into the booth.

The tall blonde pulled herself upright and looked up at the strawberry blonde. She was furious, and the pain and hurt was evident in her eyes.

"Damn you Becky...err, Brian...oh hell, I don't know what to call you now. How could you do this to me? How could you just disappear like that? Not a word from you in almost twenty years, not one word! Then when you finally show up, you're dressed like a woman! Do you have any idea of what I've gone through, and how long and hard I looked for you? I'll be honest with you. I thought you were dead, because I knew if you were alive, you would have found a way to contact me. Why Brian? Why did you leave like that, and come back dressed like this and acting like a total stranger for six months? I want to know just what the hell is going on Becky, err... Brian."

The wave of anger that had overtaken her best friend so quickly was leaving her just as quickly. Her pain and anguish had exploded, leaving her in tears once again. Becky sat upright in the booth, rubbing her sore arm, and wincing in pain. She looked up at Cassie. "I missed you too, Pistol."

Cassie felt terrible for allowing her emotions to get the best of her like that. She had never hit anyone in anger before. "Are you alright, Becky? I mean Brian... Damn it! This is just too much. I know you're really Brian, but I just can't call you Brian with you sitting there looking like a woman!"

"That's one of the nicest compliments I've ever had, I think." A huge smiled brightened her face even though she could see how guilty Cassie felt after she had hit her. "Cassie I deserved that punch and whole bunch more for what I've put you through. Please don't feel bad about it. C'mon and sit down, before they throw us out. Give me a chance, and I'll try to explain everything I can. Please!"

Their waiter returned as Cassie was sitting down. "Is everything alright ladies?"

Cassie flashed her smile. "Oh yes, uh... were old friends and we haven't seen each other in years."

The waiter returned dryly, "Yes, I can see that. Can I get either of you a refill?"

Cassie fielded that one as well, "Yes, please. Get my friend another diet and I'll have another margarita, heavy on the tequila."

The waiter smiled and went to get their drinks. Becky leaned forward toward Cassie and whispered. "Did you see that look he gave us when you told him we were old friends?"

"Yeah, I knocked you into the booth and then called you my friend. He'd probably hate to see what I'd do if I ran into an enemy in here." Cassie smiled. The two women began giggling, and then held hands across the table. "I'm really sorry about that punch. You sure your arm is going to be alright?"

"Yeah, it's okay, and like I said before, I deserved a whole lot more for putting you through what I have. I just hope that maybe someday you can forgive me."

"Becky...I mean, that's okay if I call you Becky isn't it?"

A huge smile filled her features. "Cassie you are the only person in this world who could call me Brian and not make me mad, but I would rather you call me Becky."

"Okay, Becky it is!" Cassie paused a moment to recapture her thought. "Becky, I have already forgiven you. I love you too much to ever stay mad at you, but you owe me some explanations. I just want to know what's going on, if you feel comfortable enough to tell me. I promise I won't hit you anymore." The team manager lowered her voice to a whisper. "I mean... I know you're not dressing up like this just to play in a women's basketball league, right?"

Becky smiled and shook her head. "No Cassie, it goes way beyond that."

The waiter brought their drinks and asked them if they needed anything else. Cassie said no. He eyed them very suspiciously before leaving.

"Did you see that Pistol? First he sees you slug me, and then walks up and we're holding hands. Probably thinks we're two lesbians having a lovers spat! You think we should tell him the truth?"

Cassie eyes twinkled. "Naah...let him have his fantasy. I doubt if he could handle the truth. And speaking of the truth... How about giving me some? Like, why you disappeared for all these years and never called or wrote. You should have told me what was going on. Maybe, I could have helped. I was your best friend."

"That's why I couldn't tell you Cassie."

Cassie shook her head. "I don't understand. I don't understand that at all."

Becky squeezed Cassie's hand. "I don't really understand all of it either, but if you will listen, I'll try to explain what I can and maybe that will help. So... where do I start? Might as well start with the obvious huh? Cassie, I'm not just dressed like a woman. This isn't all just make-up, and Kleenex stuffed in a bra. I'm really a woman...or at least the best imitation that medical science and plastic surgery could create."

Huge eyes lit up. "Well, you sure fooled me girlfriend and everyone else in the league as well. If anyone would have suspected you were a man, I'd known about it. I thought you looked familiar. I thought you might be Brian's stepsister, but I never dreamed you were a man. Becky, you really look good. You're too skinny, and those dark circles of yours show through your make-up, but aside from that you really look good. I loved Brian to death, but he never looked this good."

Becky smiled and rolled her eyes at the compliment.

"I'm serious Becky, and if you don't believe me, just ask Brad. I've watched him checking you out a number of times when he's came to the games. The funny thing was, with Brad being divorced and all, I actually thought about trying to push you two together."

Becky's cheeks turned a bright crimson and Cassie couldn't miss it. "Oh my God... you're blushing! You really are a girl aren't you?"

Shrugging her shoulders and looking sheepishly at Cassie, the younger of the two said, "I'd like to believe I am. If I'm not, it's too late to turn back now. You can trust me on that one!"

Cassie's eyes narrowed, as she got very serious. "Hey, I was wondering, when did you become Becky? I mean really become Becky. Do you know what I mean?"

"If you mean when did I have sex reassignment surgery, it will be two years in December. If you mean how long have I felt like Becky...it's been all my life. This all started before I met you. When I was little, I used to wish I were a real girl. I watched cartoons and wished I were a girl superhero, or some princess. Do you remember when you called me Mighty Isis today?"

Cassie thought and then finally nodded.

"She was my favorite super hero. I wanted to be her so bad. She had that white silk outfit, and the power bracelet. She was beautiful and strong and so cool. There wasn't a warrior girl or princess that I didn't want to be."

On a roll, the blonde continued, "When I was in the second grade, I wrote little stories about being a real girl, and how happy I would be. Everybody else was reading about Dick and Jane, and I was writing about being Jane. I wasn't totally into ribbons and lace, but I liked some of the clothes that girls wore, and boys couldn't. I don't remember wanting a doll, but I had my lion, and I would've given anything to have been able to go over and play make-believe with the girls. Crazy thing was Cassie, I thought every little boy growing up felt the same way I did. I didn't know any better. I never doubted for a minute that I was a boy. I looked like a boy; dressed like a boy and most of all, my parents told me I was a boy. Parents love their children, and as a kid, you just know that your parents would never lie to you, and never let you do anything that was wrong or could hurt you. If they'd told me I was a bird, I'd tried to grow wings and fly."

Cassie rubbed Becky's hand, encouraging her to go on; needing to know what her best friend had been going through, and Becky needed to tell her.

"I told you that when I was little, I had a lot of superheroes and princesses that I wanted to be, but once I met you, I never had another. I think from the first day you threw rocks at my window and got me out riding bikes, I wanted to be just like you. You became my friend, my sister, and my idol. I still feel the same way about you today."

Tears filled both women's eyes. Neither took a hand to wipe them away, as they knew there would be many more to come. "Cassie, when you were growing up, I thought you were the perfect girl. You had every thing I ever wanted. You were a girl, you were cute, you loved sports and were good at them, you were fun to be with, brave and very caring. You even had two parents who loved and supported you.

"Every time we did something together, there was a part of me that wished I could be you doing it. I wanted people to look at me, and treat me like they did you. I use to go to bed wishing I could wake up and be your twin. I just knew you would be as happy as I was about it. I wanted to do the whole Haley Mills, Parent Trap thing. I thought once your parents realized you had a twin, they would just adopt me and we could live as sisters. We could play on the same basketball team together and everything. Pretty sick stuff, huh?"

Cassie lightly put her fingers below Becky's chin and raised her face to meet her own. "No...I don't think it's sick, or stupid or wrong. I had no idea that you felt that way. I don't think I've ever been worthy of being anyone's idol, but I'm honored that you would want to be like me. I would've loved having you as my twin sister. Of course, if you ask me, I think I would rather be Mighty Isis, than Cassie Miller any day."

Cassie tried to coax a smile from Becky, but could get no more than just a slight turn of her lip. "Becky, I think most of all, it just makes me feel very sad to know that you felt that way for so long, and I never had a clue. I just wished I could have done something."

"Cassie, there wasn't anything you could do, and I really didn't know just how different I was from other boys until I was 12. I know you remember that two on two tournaments we had that summer. Your father bought trophies and we never lost a game. Do you remember the uniforms we wore? You wanted to wear your baby blue silk uniform from the girls' team at school. So, as always, I wanted to be just like you. Do you remember what I talked you into doing?" Cassie's mind drifted back almost 30 years, and then a look of recognition flashed across her face. Becky could see she remembered. "I got you to sneak me another uniform out of the coach's office, just so we could be twins. We even had matching wristbands. I was so happy and excited, and I thought we looked cool! The other boys didn't think it was cool at all! I never told you what they said to me after the tournament, or what my father did when he found out that I won a basketball tournament wearing a girl's uniform. I didn't want you to feel bad about getting me the uniform, so I didn't say anything. From that time on though, I knew I was different from all the other boys, and that it wasn't a real good idea to show it."

Becky took a drink of her soda, and took a deep breath before starting up again. "It wasn't until we were in high school, that I realized just how much I hated being a boy, and how much I wanted to be a girl, a girl just like you.

"I did try to be a boy. I tried so hard to be the son my father always wanted, but I just kept on failing him. The more I'd fail, the harder he would push me. The more he pushed, the more frustrated I got. Sooner or later I would just end up crying, and he would just rage! "

"I loved basketball, but I hated being on that school team. I couldn't fit in with those guys. I always felt so... uncomfortable. The showers were the worst. I felt so ashamed standing there naked. I hated my body anyway, so when they starting teasing me like they did, I couldn't have felt any worse. I would be so upset I would cry all the way back from practice. There was only one thing in high school that I had to look forward to, and that was hanging with you. When I was with you, I wasn't Brian anymore. I was Cassie Miller, basketball star, or her twin sister Becky. When I hung out at your house, I imagined we were two girls watching the tube, eating pizza, and shooting hoops. When I came to your games, I imagined myself scoring every time you scored, or that I was one of your teammates feeding you a perfect pass, and you giving me a high five after you scored. When your parents hugged you, told you they loved you, and looked at you with pride. I so wished it was me they were hugging."

Cassie reached across the table and extended her arms and hugged Becky. Her heart broke as she realized just how long her friend had lived without acceptance and love.

"Becky, I still don't understand why you didn't confide in me. I was your best friend. I wouldn't have turned my back on you."

"Cassie, I did want to tell you, Lord did I want to tell you, but I was too afraid I'd lose you. I couldn't run the risk that you would reject me. Cassie you were the only person in the world that really cared about me. My father hated me, everyone at school hated me, and even I hated me. I know my mom cared, but I wasn't about to put her in the middle between my father and I. Can't you see, that if I'd lost you then I'd been totally alone, and I would have went crazy or maybe even killed myself? Think about it Cassie...we were 16 years old. Do you really think you could have handled your best male friend telling you he wanted to be you or your twin sister? Can you honestly tell me you wouldn't have run away? Do you think you would have ever been comfortable with me again?"

Cassie thought for a minute. "I'd like to believe that I could've handled it. I would have been shocked, but I don't think there's anything you could've said that would have run me away, or stopped me from loving you."

"Maybe you could've handled it, and maybe you couldn't have, but I didn't want to risk losing you just to find out. I wanted to change, but I didn't want our friendship to change.

"I just can't believe you had all this going on inside you and you never said a word. I was you best friend. I should have noticed it. I should have been able to figure it out." Cassie shook her head in disbelief.

"You weren't looking for the problem, so you didn't see it. Although...once, I almost told you, and another time I showed you, but you couldn't see it. It's not your fault. You just weren't looking. Nobody was." Becky smiled at Cassie.

"When did you almost tell me?" Cassie was curious from Becky's last words.

A broad smile came across Becky's face. "Do the words, ‘Little Kings Crá¨me Ale’ mean anything to you?"

Cassie smiled and then groaned. "Oh yeah, I still get nauseous just walking by them in the supermarket."

Becky quizzed her again. "Do you remember the conversation we had before we both ended up on our knees and tossing our cookies?"

Cassie blushed this time. "Yeah, I remember. I was such a goof. I thought you had a crush on me. Boy, did I ever miss that by a mile."

"Cassie, you couldn't of known. I'll tell ya a secret...I kind of wanted to kiss you. I wanted to see how you would react. I wanted to live that through you, just like I was living everything else. I knew it was wrong for me to kiss you, but I thought you wanted to kiss me, and well...I didn't want to disappoint you. I was sitting there, looking at you. Your eyes were closed, and you lips were waiting for a kiss. I leaned forward, and then stopped. I didn't know if I should kiss you, or tell you the truth. I so wanted to tell you the truth. I only hesitated a moment, but it was enough. Your eyes opened, and your face went pale."

"The Little Kings went reverse gears on us, and then we were too busy praying and heaving to think about kisses or secrets." Cassie nodded.

"That's pretty much the story. By the next day, we were both too embarrassed to ever discuss it."

"Okay Becky, I'll buy that, but when did you show me? I got to believe I would have noticed that!"

Becky took a long drink of soda before starting. Once began, the words took them back to a Friday night during the spring of 1979. It was as if it was happening for the very first time.

Cassie's parents had flown to the coast for one of their weekend getaways, and Brad was in Charleston spending the weekend at a friend's.

She was 16 and it was the first time she'd been in the house overnight alone. Brian had gone home that night around seven, and by nine she was going crazy. She'd called Brian and begged him to come over and spend the night.

She'd used every lure she could think of. "C'mon Brian, we can shoot hoops as late as we want. I got money to order pizza, and... CBS Friday Night NBA is on! It's Portland versus Phoenix, Bill Walton versus Alvin Adams." She'd dangled the game in front of Brian knowing how much he loved the Portland Trailblazers. Just for good measure, she added her trademark, "Pleeease." Brian arrived at her door in ten minutes. They'd played some spirited games of basketball for about an hour and then crashed in the living room. Cassie grabbed a quick shower while Brian went through albums on the stereo. When Cassie came out, her hair was up in a towel, and she was wearing her replica "Joe Namath", New York Jets jersey. It was so big, that it made a perfect nightshirt.

"Next!" she said as she motioned Brian toward the bathroom door.

Brian shook his head. "I didn't bring any clean clothes. I can't take a shower. If I go back to get some now, I may not be able to come back at all."

Cassie put her hands on her hips. "Don't take this personal Brian, but you stink! I'm not going to smell your sweaty self all night long. Just get in the shower and I'll get you some of Brad's clothes to wear."

"Brad's clothes! Are you crazy? Your brother doesn't even like me. If he finds out I've been wearing his clothes, he'll kill me!"

"Relax will ya. He won't find out. I'll run yours through the washer and you can have them back in the morning. I'll wash whatever you wear when I do the laundry tomorrow, and Brad will never know. So... get your butt in the shower, and toss me you clothes. Don't lock the door. I'll slip you some clothes in and don't worry, I won't peek!"

Brian shook his head; he knew there was no denying Cassie. He went into the bathroom, undressed, and slipped his clothes through the door. Cassie was right; he did stink. After about a twenty-minute shower, he stepped out and grabbed a towel. He looked down, and just inside the door was a pile of clothes for him. When he realized what type of clothes Cassie had left him, he was horrified. There, neatly folded, was a light blue cotton nightgown, and a matching pair of girls' panties.

Cassie didn't have to wait for the sound of the shower turning off to know that Brian had finished his shower. She just had to wait for the scream. She didn't have to wait long.

"CASSIE!"

Cassie came to the door. "Now Brian, I can explain."

Brian was too agitated to listen to explanations. "Oh no you don't, Cassie. I don't want to hear no explanations. I just want my clothes back. I can't wear these. For God's sake Cassie, these are girls' clothes. You said I could borrow some of Brad's clothes. These aren't Brad's clothes!"

"Uh well, I kind of had a little problem. See, Brad locked his bedroom door, and you are way too thin to wear anything of my dad's."

Brian tried to calm down. "Okay Cassie, then just get me my clothes then."

"Well...I can't. Right about now they're half way through the wash cycle."

Brian made one last shot at a reasonable solution. "Okay, but if I'm going to have to wear your clothes, just give me a pair of sweats and a t-shirt then."

"That's a great idea, and I would've done it too, only... I don't have any that are clean. I was supposed to do laundry today, but we got to playing basketball this afternoon, and well... I didn't get around to it. Brian I don't have anything else clean. It's either this or I break out a dress."

Cassie waited for a reply but got nothing but silence. Cassie knocked on the door. "Hey Brian, you ain't passed out on me have you?"

Brian answered. The defeat was evident in his voice. "No, I'm still alive, but if anyone ever finds out about this, I won't be. Cassie, you got to swear that you will never tell anybody. I mean anybody!"

Cassie giggled. "I promise! Of course there is an up side to all this." She paused, Brian wouldn't ask what it was, but she knew he was curious. "At least now you can tell all the guys you finally got in my panties." Cassie giggled again.

Brian had to admit that was funny, but he wasn't going to let Cassie off the hook by laughing. "Cassie, this isn't funny. I mean, what if someone sees me?"

"Will you just relax? No one is going to see you. Now get dressed! The game's on in twenty minutes, and I'm calling the pizza."

Brian unfolded the nightgown, and placed it on the sink. He slipped on the cotton panties. He had to admit, they were cool and comfortable. He slid the nightgown over his head, and watched it fall to just below knee length. It was as cool and comfortable as the panties. It felt so good to wear something that felt so free and easy about his body, and when it touched his skin it caressed it. He closed his eyes, and then spun in a circle. He was like a playful little girl. He couldn't help it. For so long, he dreamed of wearing something just like this, and now he was. It was every bit as wonderful as he'd dreamed. He was intoxicated, and wished he could share it with Cassie, but he knew when he walked out that bathroom door he would have to be Brian, a boy in girls clothes.

Brian composed himself and stepped out of the bathroom. When Cassie caught sight of him, she let out a wolf whistle.

"Aw c'mon Pistol, cut it out!"

"Okay, I quit. C'mon over to the couch and I'll comb out that mop of yours."

Cassie began working the tangles out of Brian's long hair. There was something so relaxing to Brian, whenever anyone combed his hair. He softly moaned as she worked the comb through. It wasn't only the feeling of the comb that was relaxing. The feeling of the panties and the nightgown were still working their magic. He was going to hate sleeping in his boxers and tank top even more after spending the night in these.

Cassie finished, as the game started. For the next hour they were glued to the set as Brent Musburger narrated the fast-paced action between the Blazers and the Suns. By half time the pizza had yet to arrive and Cassie called to complain. It was of a typical Friday night and pizza deliveries were running behind. They apologized, and told them to expect the pizza within the next thirty minutes.

Cassie reached over and felt Brian's thick hair. It was still damp. She went to the bathroom and returned with a blow dryer and some mousse. "Here, you hold the mousse while I blow dry your hair." Brian hesitated, and then took the can in his hand.

Cassie examined his hair before beginning. "I bet your hair would look so much better if we feathered your bangs back."

Brian tried to object to the beauty parlor treatment, but the roar of the hair dryer drowned his pleas out. Ten minutes later, Cassie stepped back and smiled approvingly at her work. The feathered bangs and lightly tussled hair had really brought out a quality of softness in Brian's face, and Cassie's eyes lit up as another idea came to her. She grabbed Brian's hand and pulled him up the stairs to the entrance to her bedroom.

Cassie's bedroom was a mirror of its owner. It was a little disheveled, a mixture of themes from both a boy's and a girl's world. It was warm and comfortable. It was Cassie.

On the door to her bedroom hung the life sized "Pistol" Pete Maravich poster that Brian had bought for her. Clothes and records were scattered across her bed. Posters of sports stars, and rock stars adorned her walls. A desk piled high with books, sports cards, and softball equipment sat against one wall. A stereo, and a bookcase filled with stuffed animals and trophies sat against the other wall. Straight ahead was a huge white vanity, cluttered with brushes, hair ties, and cosmetics. Cassie's large bay window was just to the right of the vanity, and a light blue lace curtain that matched her bedspread framed it. Beneath the window sat three pairs of shoes: her school-dress tennis shoes, muddy softball cleats, and a pair of black three-inch heels. If anything in that room truly captured the diversity of Cassie, it was those three pairs of shoes.

Cassie led Brian into the room and straight to the chair in front of her vanity. She took her hand and pushed Brian down into the chair.

Brian looked up at Cassie. She was wearing her impish grin, and he could see the mischief in her eyes. "Cassie...what are you up to?"

Cassie didn't answer, because she didn't hear him. She was too busy searching through her cosmetics to find exactly what she wanted to match his skin tone, and bring out the features that had peeked when she styled his hair.

As soon as Cassie started holding up bottles and compacts and then starring intently at Brian's face, he knew what she was up to. "Cassie, I know what you're up to, and you can forget it! I'm not going to let you do this." Brian said the correct words, but his heart wasn't in them. He wanted her to do this. He was as excited as she was, even more so, but he couldn't admit it. This was becoming a waking dream, and with each passing minute, Brian was losing more of himself in it.

Cassie could see he was caving, and she moved in for the kill. "Aw c'mon Brian, it's just for fun. I really want to see what you would look like with a little make-up. Blow drying your hair and feathering your bangs made an incredible difference in your face. I want to see if a little make-up will have the same effect. Just think of this as like... dressing up for Halloween, okay? If you want me to, I'll take it off as soon as we get done. Brian, I promise, this will always be our little secret."

Cassie reached down and held Brian's left hand. She rubbed her thumb against his fingernails. The impish smile returned. "Oooh, I bet a deep burgundy on those nails would really go with..."

Brian cut her off immediately, "Cassie, I'm not wearing nail polish, and before you even suggest it, I'm not wearing one of your dresses." Brian had finally made his last stand of masculinity. It was a house of cards though, and if she had pushed just a little harder...well, there would have been no telling how far Brian would have gone.

Cassie though, was satisfied with what Brian had given her for now, and she didn't push him for more. "Okay, you win. I'll just do your make-up and then quit."

She rubbed her hand across his face. "Wow Brian, your skin is smoother than mine. This is going to be so much easier since you don't have much facial hair. You got nice cheekbones, but they're not very noticeable. I might be able to bring them out a little. Now if we can get those baby blues of yours to stand out, and paint you some lips."

Her voice trailed off; the gears were once again spinning. She finally assembled her tools, and then had Brian turn his back to the mirror and face her. She didn't want him to see anything until she had created the finished product.

"Brian, I don't want you to turn around until I tell you. I want to see the look of surprise on your face. Keep in mind I'm not a make up artist or anything. I don't live in this stuff like the "giggle wiggle's" do, but I think I know enough to bring out some of your features. I have a feeling we're both going to be surprised by what we get."

Brian tried to sit perfectly still, as Cassie enveloped his face in a malaise of blushes, bases, liners, shadows, lip stick and mascara. When she stepped back and regarded her work, her eyes were wide open in disbelief. She covered her open mouth with both hands.

Brian's own eyes were wide, but in horror, as he was sure from Cassie's reaction that the whole thing had turned out horribly. "Okay Cassie, how bad is it? You said it was just like Halloween. Who do I look like, the Bride of Frankenstein?"

Cassie swallowed and then spoke. "Hardly! I want you to close your eyes, and let me turn you around to face the mirror. Don't open them again until I tell you to, okay? Trust me, you are no Bride of Frankenstein!"

Brian nodded and closed his eyes. Cassie spun his chair around and then told him to open them. Brian hesitated for a moment, sure he was going to be crushed by the image looking back at him, and then finally opened his eyes.

Brian was sitting in the chair, but his reflection had been replaced, by that of an attractive sixteen-year-old girl. He was speechless, but Cassie was not.

"Brian...I thought I could bring out a little of your softer features, but I never believed it would turn out like this. I mean, damn...you could pass for the real thing. I don't think anyone would even recognize you. If you walked by me in the hall, I don't think I would recognize you. It's like I started putting on this make-up and a whole other person just came out, and she's a babe!"

Brian was speechless. He didn't look like a clown, or even a boy in make-up. His reflection looked just as realistic and natural, as Cassie's did. Cassie had accomplished what she had wanted to do. She had brought out his cheekbones, and the eye shadow had set off the blue in his eyes that were now framed by thick black lashes. He never realized how full his lips could look with just the right application and color of lipstick. His hand was almost trembling, as he lightly traced the line of his jaw.

He was almost afraid to touch his face for fear his reflection would disappear.

Cassie lowered her head until her reflection was beside his in the mirror. "I see it, and I still don't believe it. They say that make-up can work wonders, but this is just plain magic! It's like, one minute I was playing hoops with my best friend Brian, and then 'poof!', he's gone and I'm standing here next to Cinderella. I know you aren't enjoying this as much as I am, but I think it's great! You know...we've been talking about Halloween. You ought to let me recreate this for Halloween. Brian, I'm telling you it would be a blast. No one, and I mean no one, would ever suspect."

Cassie was right about one thing she had said, he wasn't as excited about this as she was. He was more so! He was intoxicated by it all, and if he wasn't careful, this girl in the mirror might just banish him to the same dungeon he had imprisoned her in for so long. If she had her way, Brian would never be seen or heard from again.

A pounding at the door downstairs broke the moment. They looked at each other and mouthed the same word, "Pizza!" Cassie raced across her room and down the stairs. Brian heard Cassie open the door and the delivery boy tell her the price. There were a few moments of silence, and then Cassie's voice broke it.

"Uhhh...Becky, could you bring down that twenty on my night stand, pleeease?"

Brian looked at Cassie's nightstand and there sat the twenty. He froze. He knew full well to whom Cassie was talking to when she said, "Becky", but he was not about to come down those steps looking like this.

Cassie summoned her again. "Becky, the delivery guy is waiting. I can't just leave him here and go get the money. You're going to have to bring it down."

Brian wasn't about to walk down those steps, but it was obvious that Becky was going to have to. Ready or not, Becky took her first baby steps.

Becky picked up the twenty, and strode confidently to the top of the stairs. She took the first step quickly, but with each stair she descended, she came more into view from the living room, and her confidence deserted her. By the time she had reached the bottom of the stairs, she was holding onto the banister for support.

Cassie nervously smiled at Becky. "C'mon Becky, you want to bring me over the money. I am sure this guy has other deliveries."

Becky dropped her head and shuffled over to stand behind Cassie. She looked like a little girl who had been scolded by her mother. Cassie took the twenty from Becky's hand and handed it to the delivery boy.

She smiled up at him. "Sorry we didn't have the money ready for you. We were doing, uh...girl things!"

The delivery boy, probably not much older than Cassie and Becky just smiled and gave them their change. He regarded the both of them for a moment, smiled and then headed to the door. Just as Cassie prepared to shut it behind him, he turned. "If you need anything else tonight, just call. We're open until two o'clock on weekends." He paused just a moment, "And that goes for your shy little friend too." With that, he winked at Cassie and left.

Cassie shut the door and turned to Becky. "Did you hear that? I told you that no one could tell you were a boy. I mean, did you hear what he said? That letch was hitting on you! Five minutes after I do your make-up, and you already got guys hitting on you. If you hadn't been starring at your feet, you would have seen him, but he was definitely checking you out Brian...or should I say Becky?"

Becky shot her head up. "Where did you come up with Becky?"

"Well, I couldn't very well have hollered for Brian and then have you descend those stairs as a vision of loveliness, could I?"

Becky knew she was right.

"Becky was the first name that came into my mind. Be glad I didn't say Beulah or something!" Both girls giggled at the sound of the name.

Cassie looked at Becky and smiled warmly. "It's good to see you smile. I think it makes you even more beautiful when you do."

Becky just rolled her eyes and headed into the kitchen to get some cold sodas. The two girls settled into the second half of the game and devoured the pizza. Becky couldn't help feel Cassie's eyes on her. When the game ended it, she called her on it, and Cassie admitted her guilt.

"I just can't get over the way you look. I don't really mean to embarrass you, and I suppose no guy likes to be told he looks like a girl, but it's incredible. I mean we've been sitting here eating pizza, and watching the ball game, and horsing around like we always do, but somehow it's different. It's like I have to keep reminding myself that you're not a real girl. That's how convincing you look."

Becky did not much care for being told she wasn't a "real girl." She was every bit as much "girl" as Cassie was. Brian though, understood the remark, and it was a painful reminder to him that Becky was more like the Cinderella that Cassie had mentioned. She was there on temporary magic, and by tomorrow she would be gone.

The girls relaxed on the floor. They played the stereo, talked basketball, and debated over possession of the last slice of pizza. Becky knew her time there was limited and by tomorrow she would have to release Brian and return to the dungeon, so she wanted to make the most of every minute. As Brian slipped further into the recesses, Becky did just that. Becky not only looked the part, she was living it, and both her and Cassie became so emersed in the Cinderella magic that they never realized that midnight was about to come early.

A car pulled up in front, but the stereo had drowned out the sound of its motor. Becky was at the foot the stairs, and Cassie on the floor. She had just sent Becky upstairs to pick out the color for the nail job she had talked her into. A key turned in the lock and the door opened. It was Brad. Becky bolted up the steps as Cassie sprang from the floor.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Charleston all weekend."

Brad walked over and examined the empty pizza box. "Changed my mind! I ran into Trent and decided to hang at his place this weekend. We're going to crash this party at the lake."

"So...why are you here then?"

Brad shot his little sister a glance. "Don't go having your period li'l sis, I'm not busting up your slumber party. I just came to pick up stuff out of my room."

Brad pushed by her, and she could smell the alcohol on him. "Whew Brad! You reek! You guys have been drinking haven't you?"

Brad turned to face her, and she could see how red his eyes were. "You've been smoking too! You're stoned Brad. If you guys get busted..."

Brad lowered his face to meet hers. "Yeah I've smoked a little, and I've had few beers. I intend to have a few more at the party, so don't go mouthing about it, alright?"

Brad stood at the foot of the stairs, and looked up toward Cassie's room.

"So, who's your little friend tonight? She ran off so quick, I didn't get a look at her. Is she one of your basketball babes from school?"

Cassie was growing tired of this conversation. When Brad was drunk he was an asshole, and there was no reasoning with him. Tonight he was worse than Cassie had ever seen him.

"Yes Brad, she's from the team. Now why don't you get your stuff and just leave, okay?"

"I can't just leave Cassie. I wouldn't be a gentleman if I didn't introduce myself to your friend. I think I'll go up there and give the pleasure of making my acquaintance."

Cassie's eyes grew wide and she grabbed Brad's arm as he started up the steps. "No Brad, she's really, really shy. You're going to scare her. Just leave her alone! I mean it Brad. Don't you dare go into my room."

The alcohol and drugs had taken over Brad, and they weren't listening to Cassie. "She's shy huh? I've got a cure for shyness." Brad brushed off Cassie's arm and bolted up the stairs.

He opened the door to Cassie's room and stepped in. By this time Cassie was absolutely furious. She jumped in front of him, trying to block his advance. "Damn it Brad, get the hell out of my room!"

Brad scanned the room searching for some trace of his quarry, when he spied the light blue material of Becky's nightgown protruding from Cassie's closet door. In Becky's haste to hide, she had caught her hem in the door.

Pushing Cassie aside, Brad walked over to the door and started to slowly turn the knob. He pulled on the door but it wouldn't budge. He smiled and then leaned on the door. "Hey, I'm Brad, Cassie's brother. Cassie says you're real shy. Well...you don't have to be scared of me. I'm a real nice guy. You ought to come out and meet me. I just want to get to know ya."

Brad braced himself and then tried to force the door open. Becky had both hands on the doorknob, and her feet braced on each side of the door. She was holding on for dear life, but Brad was stronger and the door was slowly giving way. Cassie ran up behind Brad, and beat her fist into his back. That got his attention. He released the door and turned on her.

His eyes were on fire. "What the hell do you think you're doing? I ought to..."