The following tale is adapted from a story started by SlimV. The story was never finished and sent to me to read some time ago. I liked the idea so much that I asked if I could steal it and finish it off while expanding on it. Both SlimV and myself have been collaborating on it for some time now, thanks hun for the editing. I hope you enjoy reading it and get as much fun out of it as we did writing it.

Being ME

Part 1 - Out of The Closet

Kind of a waste, I thought as I took a brush to my long blonde hair while admiring my make-up in the mirror. Why should I take the time to get all dressed up when I’ll just have to get dressed down in a couple hours? But what the heck,I’m a girl- a woman. It’s my curse. I want to look my best, even if it’s only for a short while. I feel better when I’m at my best. Who doesn’t?

Talk about feeling better! Ponytails are great for sleeping in and keeping the hair out of my eyes, but if I didn’t like having long hair, I wouldn’t have grown it long! I love it. It’s been blonde since the day I was born. Mom said it would turn mousey as I got older, but so far that hasn’t happened and I hope it never does. Her blonde hair comes from a bottle. I brushed it out so that it fell across my shoulders.

The best thing about being a girl is…everything! I love the clothes. I love the make-up and the jewellery. I love the way I look and feel.Thinking about it makes me happy as I clip some gold hoops to the backs of my ears.I smile at myself as I get up from the dresser and look in the full-length mirror behind me. I’m a knockout.

I turned my leg and straightened out the seam on my stocking. Standing straight In front of the mirror I pulled the black lacy blouse down under the belt that encircled my waist. The blouse was a sort of gypsy style that was off the shoulder; a line of elastic ran across the top keeping it tight on my arms. The white skirt I wore was tight denim and hugged my curves. I stood on top of four inch heeled leather pumps. The thin stilettos emphasised the curve of my calves, making my legs look long and slender.

I left the room and headed downstairs. It was about 10:30am in the morning and I still had time to do a few chores before going to the gym later in afternoon. As I said, most women I know don’t take the time to get dressed up in the morning if they think they’re going to get dirty or sweaty later in the day, but I’m not like most women. I like to look my best regardless of the time or the things I have to do. I stepped into the kitchen. The sound of my heels clicked and echoed against the tile floor in the empty house.

Wanting something to drink, I thought about coffee, but wound up talking myself into a glass of wine. It was early, but I love the cool fruity taste of white wine. It makes me feel so delicious. I opened the fridge, and found the bottle from last night’s dinner and poured myself a glass. I took a seat on a stool, picked up the morning paper and found a pack of Berkley Menthol cigarettes and a slim gold lighter underneath it. I opened the pack and took out a cigarette. Slipping the white filter into my mouth, I lit it and inhaled. Being as it was the first ciggie of the day, my lungs were startled and I coughed out the first puff. My second puff was much more pleasing and I settled into the stool with my newspaper.

I opened the paper and glanced through the stories; another soldier killed in an ambush in Iraq, troops struggling to keep control in Afghanistan, another useless celebrity sent to jail for drunk driving and the usual mundane muck that keeps tabloids afloat and keeps it’s readership enthralled with the lives of the people they try to be, or aspire to. I took a puff on the cigarette and blew out the smoke, lifting the glass to my lips. As I sipped the wine, a deep burgundy smudge appeared on the rim. The latest issue of Woman’s World sat at my side. I picked it and leafed through it. I don’t regard it as hard-nosed journalism, but it’s nice to know how bake a moist meatloaf and keep your man hard in bed, though not at the same time. I paused at the fashion section, this being my favourite and probably the only reason I looked at it.

I took a drag from the cigarette and glanced at the clock. It was after eleven o’clock, so I still had another hour or so before I needed to get changed for the gym. The fashion section hooked me, my concentration intensified, god look at those black leather boots with the turn down flap at the top. I imagined wearing them over the knee or maybe turned down. The silver metal heel glinted in my eyes. The short shirt type dress the model wore clung to her hips and the one strap shoulder plunged across leaving one shoulder bare. Great look, I thought to myself. I glanced through four more pages of new fashions featuring; shoes, bags, make-up and the latest perfumes. I was in heaven. And then I heard the sound of a door key struggling with a lock. The tumblers turned. The door pushed open. A foot landed on the floor.

I froze with the magazine in my hands and the cigarette burning between my fingers. I tried to get up. I heard a woman’s voice say,

“Just make yourself comfortable in the lounge, while I put this in the kitchen." I swallowed hard as I heard the footsteps come closer.

The door opened as I was dropping the still burning cigarette into the ashtray. A woman walked in, stopping in front of me. We looked at each other.

“Michael is that you” she asked?

No longer frozen, I fled the kitchen, almost knocking her over as I ran for the stairs. Damn heels! I stumbled but made it to the top without falling. I dashed inside my room and slammed the door behind me. Oh God, I thought as I dived on to my bed. Have I ever been so scared and frightened? My heart felt as if it would burst at any moment and I wished it would. I started crying.

It might have been a couple minutes or maybe it was more, but eventually the door opened, and I looked up to see my mother standing over me while I looked up at her from the bed. The look on her face was both stern and troubled. There was a half finished cigarette between her fingers. She raised it slowly to her lips and took a deep puff. Smoke spewed down from her nose. Her voice cracked.

“Do you care to explain all this?” she asked, as she made a sweeping gesture with the cigarette in her hand.

I answered her with silence.

“Michael, I’m asking you a question and I expect an answer.”

I just shook my head and sobbed. My mattress shifted under her weight as she sat down beside me.

She sighed and took a compensatory drag from her Berkley. “These are mine,” she said as she picked at my blouse with her thumb and forefinger. “Get changed and wash your face.”

I accepted her invitation to leave and exited my bedroom for the bathroom down the hall. I locked the door behind me and stared at the mirror in disgrace. Eye shadow and mascara had run down my face, making me look like a circus clown instead of the sexy little fox I had been before my mother had interrupted me. I cursed myself for getting caught as I began the process of taking off the make-up.

After cleaning up, I left the bathroom and cautiously looked out over the stairwell. I didn’t see anyone but I could hear two women talking, though I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I was certain their conversation had something to do with me and that made my heart sink. Of course this had to be as embarrassing to her as it was to me, so maybe I was just being paranoid. The thing I’d done wasn’t worthy of gossiping about.

I slunk back to my room and quickly undressed, exchanging her clothes for my underwear, tracksuit bottoms and a tee-shirt. I gathered up the clothes I had been wearing and sneaked back into my parent’s room. I put the shoes back in the closet and left her other clothes on the bed before going back to my room for my gym bag.

My heart thumped wildly against my chest as I quietly I slipped downstairs past the lounge. I fumbled with the door and let myself out and sprinted down the path and out the gate. I was relieved to be free, to have escaped, but I knew the freedom was only temporary. At some point, probably that evening, I’d have to account for this morning.

I worked up a real sweat at the gym in an attempt to purge myself of the shame and anxiety that haunted me. I needed at least another two years, but the gym closed at five o’clock. Not long after that, I found myself on the street, forced with the decision of what to do next. I searched through my bag and found a couple of pounds, which was enough to buy a Lucozade Sport and a Mars Bar. I bought them at a store across the street from the park. As I crossed the intersection, I hoped a car would run the light and hit me in the crosswalk, but I made it safely across the street and found a bench under a tree. I took a seat and did some thinking.

By now you’ve probably gathered that I’m not a sexy fox. I’m a boy. My name is Michael McWilliams. I’m 18 and about to start college in the autumn. My Mum’s name is Anne. She’s 39 and a teacher at the local comprehensive school that I left only a month earlier. My dad is 44 and a police inspector. He works long hours and is seldom home.

I peeled back the paper on the Mars Bar and took a bite and thought about myself and the situation I had created. The first thing that comes to mind is that I’m in a spot of trouble for getting caught in my mother’s clothes. Not to mention that I was smoking her cigarettes when she caught me. I honestly can’t say why I do it. It’s a compulsion of sorts. I’m drawn to her clothes like a magnet and I do it as often as I can.

In the early days I looked ridiculous, but with practice and a little help from the Internet, I’ve become rather good at it. My mum is beautiful, blonde, and slim and has a knockout figure. A lot of people say I inherited my looks from her and maybe they’re right. My facial shape and skin tone are similar to hers. I can actually see more than a passing resemblance when I’m made up and wearing her clothes.

As for smoking, well I just find it sexy when women do it, and when in Rome…

I knew the heath risks. God you can’t turn on the television without seeing some anti smoking advert of some sort. Smoking kills, it smells and affects those around you. But hey! There are lots of things that people do that affect others. Our planet is decaying under the threat of global warming. People drive cars that pollute the atmosphere and add to the problem. They have accidents and kill themselves and others. People over eat and grow obese. They suffer heart attacks and strokes. People take drugs and ruin their lives with heroin or coke or alcohol. I guess what I’m trying to say is that life is all about choices and we live and die by the choices we make.

Some of you won’t understand what I’m talking about. Some of you will vehemently disagree. If you’re afraid to die, then lock yourself in a plastic bubble far away from the smog and industrial pollutants that will kill you much faster than a hot blonde with a long cigarette. Any way, this isn’t about you. You’re not the one sitting on a park bench afraid to go home.

I finished my Mars Bar and stowed the empty wrapper in my gym bag. I didn’t see a trash bag and I’m not one of those guys who go around littering. I don’t do that with cigarette buts either. I use an ashtray. My mum uses one, so why shouldn’t I?

Speaking of Mum, I suppose my fascination with women smoking started with her. I grew up seeing her smoke. It’s a part of her. She makes it look good. It’s an elegant prop at social functions. It’s a needed crutch in times of crisis. It’s a reward for a job well done. It’s sexy when’s she’s flirting with my dad. It’s authoritative when she’s lecturing me. It’s comforting when she’s hugging me.

I just found it fascinating and very sexy, the way she held the cigarette delicate and erect, that initial action as she lit it, the snap inhales and the long thin stream of smoke that she blew out when she exhaled- the whole package really. The Internet expanded my fascination with the fetish and I soon learned that I wasn’t the only one who thought this way. There were sites everywhere where lovers of smoking women could post photos and videos. It captivated me. As Michael I never touched cigarettes, but as my alter ego Tracey adored them.

I finished off the bottle of Lucozade and forced myself off the bench. My problem with mum wouldn’t disappear and I couldn’t stay in the park forever. Best to get it over with, I thought as I took the long way home.

As I turned down our street, I saw my father’s car parked in front of the house. I hadn’t expected him home so early. I was certain she must have told him by now. I didn’t expect her to share it with her friends, but Dad is dad. He’s her husband and my father. Surely she’d tell him.

I thought about going back to the park as I put my hand on the door. But I reasoned that he’d find me. After all, he is a cop. I dropped my bag in the hallway and found him sitting in the kitchen.

Dad looked up from the mail he was focused on. I looked for the anger in his face that would betray his knowledge. But it was his job to stay cool. His greeting was precise, meaningless but friendly. He called me “Champ” and said, “Hello.”

“You’re home early,” I said, lifting my chin in an attempt to appear taller.

“Yeah, well, I just came back for dinner, but I got to go back out,” he said as he laid the mail down on the table.

I nodded and looked over at Mum who was fussing with the cook that had prepared our meal. She didn’t look at me as she set the table. I took a chair. The last supper, I thought as placed a napkin across my lap.

Dad passed me the gravy and asked about my day, as if he didn’t know. Oh nothing much Dad, I thought as I took the gravy. I just hung around the house wearing mum’s clothes.

“Eh, not much,” I said as I shook my head. “Just went down to the gym for a workout. What about you?”

Dad answered me with his mouth full, something my mum would never do. “Oh, we’ve got quite a big case going on. That’s why I need to go back out.”

I could have asked him about the case, but I didn’t, it’s not as if he would have told me anything anyway, confidentiality and all that. I just nodded and went back to my dinner. My strategy was to finish as quickly as possible and run. After I had eaten enough not to warrant a question from my father, I excused myself from the table, dropped the plate in the sink and grabbed a drink from the fridge. I announced that I was going upstairs to work on the PC for a while.

“Okay,” said my dad. “See you in the morning if you’re up.”

I picked up my bag and walked upstairs. I removed the dirty clothing from my bag and put them in the hamper before going to my room.

I switched on my PC and sat down in front of it. Had this been like every other day, I might have visited some of my smoking sites or TV sites, but thought better of it. I decided instead to do some general surfing before I switched it off and turning on my small portable TV. Shortly afterwards, I heard my dad leave the house. It was just mum and I now. I looked at the clock on my nightstand. It was 9:00. I turned back to the TV and watched the pictures float across the screen while I waited for the sound of her footsteps on the stairs.

The clock continued to roll and the footsteps never came. The door never opened. At 10:30, I turned off the television and got undressed. I picked up a magazine on my nightstand and got under the sheets. The words didn’t make sense. If I was reading, then I didn’t comprehend a thing. I was just passing time, waiting for Mum.

Where was she? Why was she taking so long to come up? If she was trying to make me suffer, she was doing a good job at it. I put the magazine back up on the nightstand and turned into my pillow. I didn’t think I’d sleep. How could I? But I did. Eventually and mercifully, my mind went dark and sleep absorbed me.

I woke up to an empty house. Mum and Dad had left for work. This is normally the time when I bring Tracey out to play, but that wasn’t going to happen today. After what happened yesterday, I didn’t think I’d be doing my Tracey thing any time soon. That isn’t to say I didn’t have the urge. I had it bad, but I’m not stupid. Getting caught the way I did had a way of putting my urges in perspective. I hadn’t been reprimanded yet, but I knew it was on the way. At the very least, she had me on some kind of secret probation. And she would most certainly be keeping tabs on her things. I couldn’t take the risk of disturbing her room, at least not in the immediate future. I tried taking my mind off yesterday by occupying myself with television. Later in the day, I took a short jog around the park.

Evening came and went without a confrontation. I figured my mum wanted to keep me worrying. I wondered about Dad, but I didn’t think she told him. As a macho policeman, the thought of his son dressing in women’s clothes would have provoked some sort of reaction. I stayed in my room that night and waited for it to happen. I wanted to get it over with. Waiting and wondering had to be worse than the real thing. At one point during the night, I almost went down stairs to stoke the fire with my mum. But when it came right down to it, I didn’t have the courage to throw my legs over the bed, much less walk down stairs to face Mum. I pulled the sheets to my chin and cowered beneath them.

By the time Wednesday rolled around, I was beginning to think I’d been given a pass. Maybe I’ll be okay if I just don’t do it again or don’t get caught. The day began with an Induction meeting at my new college that ate up most of the morning. Afterwards, I stopped by the gym for a quick workout and made it home in time for tea.

Mum and I ate dinner alone as Dad was working late again. We had a lot to talk about but of course we didn’t talk about it, so dinner was fairly uncomfortable for both of us. I kept hoping things would just go back to normal, the way they’d been before she found out about me. Or maybe she thought it had been a one-time thing. It could have been that I was making too big a deal out of it, but it was a big deal and I couldn’t bring my self to look her in the eye. How could I, after what I’d done? I ate as quickly as I could and excused myself to my room. Better to be a prisoner in my room than to be the guest of honour at the gallows, I reasoned.

I had settled down to watch some re-run of an old UK cop show. I’d seen the episode before. I remembered it as the one where the WPC gets kidnapped. It’s a great scene where she gets bound and gagged in an old deserted warehouse. Bondage is another fantasy of mine, but I’ll leave that for another time. I might have gotten involved with the show if it hadn’t been for the rap on the door. I looked up to see my mum standing in the doorway.

She held an ashtray in one hand and a pack of Berkley’s in the other. The look on her face was painful as she stepped inside and closed the door. “We need to talk about the other day,” she said.

“Do we have to,” I asked? “It won’t happen again,” I pleaded.

Mum picked up a chair and pulled it up beside my bed. She set the ashtray on the bedside table and lit a cigarette from her pack.

“Uh-uh, no,” said my mum as she leaned forward in her chair. “I saw what I saw and I need to know why I saw it. I need to know what’s going on in your head.”

I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip. I racked my brain in search of the words she wanted to hear. Was there anything I could say to make it go away?

Mum touched my chin with her fingers. “Avril Watson was with me when I found you in the kitchen.”

I groaned. Avril Watson is our neighbour and a friend of my mum’s. She’s also a history teacher at my old school. I took her class in my final year. “Did she see me,” I asked?

“No she didn’t, but that doesn’t excuse what you did and it doesn’t answer my question. Why were you wearing my clothes? And you were smoking. I thought you were smarter than that.” She put her hand on my leg. “What’s going on honey? Tell me. I need to know.”

I chose the easy way out. I told her I didn’t know.

“What? You don’t know why you were smoking? Or you don’t know why you were parading around the house in my clothes? C’mon Michael. Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot. A boy like you doesn’t put on his mother’s clothes and take up smoking without a reason. You’re either crazy or you’re gay, so which is it? Or is it something else?”

That was one of the pitfalls of being the son of a teacher. Mum had a habit of asking multiple-choice questions. Is it ‘A’, ‘B’, or ‘C’- none of the above?

“I don’t think I’m gay,” I said softly.

“You’re not?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “No, I don’t think so. I don’t know, maybe.” I shook my head and wiped away a tear. “I don’t know Mum. I don’t know what I am. Maybe I am crazy.”

Mum took a draw from her cigarette and exhaled. “Don’t cry,” she said as she got up from her chair and sat down beside me on the bed. “It’s ok darling. You can talk to me. You know that, don’t you? I’ve not said anything to your Dad, and I might not have to if we can talk this through.”

At least that was something, I thought as I rubbed at my eyes. I’d gotten lucky with Avril Watson. I didn’t think my mum would tell her, but my father was another matter. I’d do anything to keep him from finding out.

“Let’s go slowly, one step at a time,” said Mum. “We’ll start with the clothes. When did you start dressing up?”

“About two years ago,” I sighed. “I guess I was about sixteen, maybe fifteen. It’s been a while though.”

“What made you start? Why do you do it?”

“I’m not really sure. I mean I like it, but I’m not sure why.”

“Does it have something to do with the way they feel? Do you like the clothes?”

“Oh yes,” I said almost too excitedly. “They’re so much softer than mine, prettier too. Boy clothes are so boring. They’re all the same. They’re just trousers, shoes and shirts, but women’s clothes, your clothes, aren’t like that. You can do things with them, like mix and match. And they’re just so pretty.”

Mum nodded as I talked and took another long drag from her cigarette. I watched as she got off the bed and opened the window to thin out the smoke. I was still talking excitedly as she sat back down on the bed.

“Women can wear skirts, slacks, any colour any length or design. They can wear tops- tight or loose. And there are all kinds of fabrics to choose from; silk, nylon, and cotton. You name it,” I said.

“Okay, so you like the clothes. But that doesn’t tell me why you wear them,” she said as crushed out the cigarette in the ashtray. “How does it make you feel; attractive, sexy, what?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. All of those things, I guess and a bit more. It definitely feels comfortable but there’s more to it than that. And I do feel kind of sexy and pretty. But the other thing is, when I’m wearing your clothes, it just feels right. You know, like it’s the way I’m supposed to feel.”

I stared at her as she picked up her cigarettes and pulled one out. My eyes followed her hand as she placed it between her lips and lit it. The sight of her smoking mesmerized me. She exhaled and looked back and forth between the cigarette in her hand and me.

“Are you telling me you want to be a girl,” she asked?

“I don’t know, maybe, maybe not. I just feel more comfortable as Tracey.”

“Oh? So that’s what you call yourself?” she asked while smiling.

The mere fact that she was smiling, rather than baring her teeth, put me at ease. Maybe this won’t be as difficult as I thought, I hoped.

“So what about the smoking,” she asked? “None of your friends do it, so it can’t be peer pressure.”

“I’m eighteen Mom. I’m not a little kid any more,” I said defensively.

“I know how old you are Michael. After all, I did give birth to you. But since you want to make an issue of it, being eighteen has nothing to do with being an adult. You still live at home and your father and I are paying for your education. As far as I’m concerned, I’m still your mother and you’re my child. And I want to know why my child is sneaking around the house smoking my cigarettes. If you were proud of it, you would have come to me and announced it, but you didn’t do that. Did you?”

“I’m sorry Mum. I won’t do it again.”

“Don’t tell me you’re sorry. Just tell me why you want to smoke. Is it because of me? I need to know if I did or said anything that would make you want to start.”

I opened my mouth, not because I’d thought of an answer she’d want to hear, but because I was hoping one would come. Thinking better, I shut my mouth and looked down at my lap.

“What is it? You were going to say something.”

I told her it was nothing.

“Tell me,” she said sternly. “I need to know.”

The words crawled awkwardly from my parched throat. “I think you’re sexy when you smoke.”

“Eh, am I understanding you right? You would have sex with me?”

“Not exactly, I mean no! That’s not what I meant.” I looked down at the floor in shame and sighed. “I just think it’s sexy when women smoke.” There! I’d gone and dug a hole for myself.

Mum raised her eyebrows. “I guess you’ll need to explain it to me because I don’t understand.”

“It’s hard to explain,” I continued. “I just like the way it looks when they do it. You know, when they light it. And I love the way they hold it. It’s like they’re caressing it. And it’s the way the smoke looks when they’re breathing it in and blowing it out.”

The look on her face told me she was puzzled, but surprisingly, she wasn’t mad. “Here! Let me show you,” I said as I bounded off the bed and went to the computer. “I’m not the only one that feels this way.”

I clicked on address arrow in the browser and the last ten websites I visited were displayed underneath. I quickly clicked on ‘smokingwomen.com’, hoping she wouldn’t notice the site on the bottom called
‘smokeyblowjobs.com’. The monitor went blank and then the familiar black screen with red writing appeared above Suzie and her cigarette. My heart palpitated as I studied her tight black leather trousers and skin tight red latex top. She held a long white cigarette between her fingers and sported a set of red manicured nails. I would have gotten stiff if mum hadn’t been standing so close beside me.

I flicked through several more pages of pictures and videos of women smoking in different outfits. Some were better looking than others but they were all sexy in their own way.

Mom was stunned. “I had no idea thing’s like this existed” she said as she stared at the screen.

“You see! It’s not just me,” I said with a look of redemption on my face.

“But what does smoking have to do with your dressing,” she asked?

“I guess it makes me feel sexy and more grown-up when I’m dressed. I don’t know really. I think about it a lot though. It’s just something in me, something I feel like I have to do.”

Mum replied by walking to my nightstand and lighting another cigarette in front of me. I’m not sure if she was teasing me, but she turned just as she performed a glorious snap inhale, followed by a long thick exhale.

“I need to think about this,” she said.

“Are you going to tell Dad,” I asked. I anxiously stared at the floor as I waited for her to answer.

“Not yet, we’ll have to see” she said. “Do you think this is maybe a phase you’re going through? Do you feel like you’ll grow out of it?”

I shrugged my shoulders. I told her I’d never thought about it like that.

“Maybe I should let you be a woman for a day. It’s not that easy you know, having to look good all the time. Maybe you’d change your mind if you saw what it’s really like. What do you think Michael? Would you like to try it?”

I told her I wasn’t sure. I said I didn’t know, but the voice inside me screamed yes,yes,yes. “What about Dad,” I asked? “Wouldn’t he get mad?”

“Probably,” said my mother. “But we could do it when he goes out of town for one of his courses. As a matter of fact, he has one next month after our holiday. We could do it then.”

I urged myself to say yes as I watched her bring the cigarette to her lips for another teasing snap-inhale.

“Just you and me for the day” she said as she exhaled. “You could be my daughter, or maybe even my sister.”

I was on the verge of saying yes when she pulled the rug out from under me and slammed the door in my face.

“It’s okay honey,” she said as she touched my shoulder. “We don’t have to do it if it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe we could do something more civilized, like have lunch and see a movie. Would you like that?”

I nodded painfully. “Yeah, that would be nice. We haven’t done that in a while.”

“Okay then,” said mum as she turned toward the door. “It’s a date.”

I tried to smile and be happy. After all, I had just survived the talk with mom that I’d been dreading for days. I told her everything. She might not have understood, but I could tell she didn’t hate me. I should have felt victorious, but I had failed myself.

“Oh darling,” said mum as she turned around in the doorframe. “One last thing before I forget. I don’t want you to ever dress up in my clothes again. Is that clear?”

“Ok mom. I won’t,” I said sadly.

“Good then. I’m glad we got that clear. Sleep well. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The life that could have been, flashed before my eyes, as I watched my mother close the door. By saying no to my mom, I had said no to Tracey. I’d said no to dressing up with my mom and maybe even smoking with her. I fell down on my bed and mourned the woman I’d come so close to becoming.

I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and cars driving past my window. Sunlight peeked through my curtains, urging me to enjoy my new lease on life. I sat up in bed and flung my legs over the side. The first thing that came to mind was the last thing I remembered from the night before. My sense of relief of having smoothed things over with my mother was spackled with regrets of things that might have been had I spoken up and accepted her offer.

I tried to rationalize it by telling myself that she hadn’t been serious. She’d been testing me and I had passed her test. She is a schoolteacher after all. But what if last night had been for real? What if she’d been serious about letting me be Tracey for a day? Had I passed up a golden opportunity to frolic as a woman with my mother?

I closed my eyes and replayed her words in my head. I wanted to relive that feeling of total ecstasy and fear. I’d almost had a heart attack when she suggested it. Be a girl with me. Hang out with me. We’ll make a day of it. And what if we had? What would it have been like?

I sighed as I pictured heaven. I saw Tracey and my mom together. I saw us at the shopping centre, walking across the brightly tiled floors. The stores were crowded with shoppers. I didn’t feel or look out of place in my tight red dress. Mom was wearing a black skirt with a revealing top. Our heels matched and our make-up and hair looked fabulous. I took a deep breath and imagined the feeling of pushing my long sharp nails against my palm.

We walked outside and took a table at a small outdoor café. Mom opens her bag and pulls out a pack of her Berkley Menthols. She takes one for herself and stops short of returning the pack to her purse. She smiles and looks at me. She calls me Tracey and asks if I would like to join her. She holds out the pack to me. My fear swells, making me reluctant, but her warm smile is so assuring. My eyes follow the bright red long nails on my fingers as they move across the table, pinching a filter and pulling a cigarette from the pack. I feel so naughty because I know I shouldn’t be smoking, especially in front of my mother. I ask her with my eyes if she’s sure. She smiles and lights her own cigarette with her slim gold lighter. I place the cigarette between my lips and lean forward as she reaches across the table to light it and the phone rings.

The fucking phone rang! I open my eyes and curse some more as I stumble out of my bed and down the hall to my parent’s room to answer it. My mother’s voice greets me.

“Good morning darling. Did you just wake up?”

Her voice is cheerful but its no substitute for the fantasy she interrupted by calling to wish me good morning. “Yeah, I just woke up. Do you need something?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. Can you run by the cleaners today and pick up your father’s suit? I’ve got a meeting at lunch so I can’t collect it afterwards.”

“Eh, I suppose so.”

“Good! There’s some money in the drawer of the phone table downstairs. Just use that and I’ll see you later. Got to go now honey, kisses!”

I grunted and hung up the phone.

I turned to leave but paused instead to take a look around my parent’s room. I was immediately drawn to my mother’s vanity and it’s offering of perfumes, lotion and make-up. My eyes wandered past the vanity and settled on the closet. I took a deep breath and sighed as I thought about all her lovely clothes, which she had strictly forbid me to touch. Better get out of here, I thought, before temptation gets the better of me.

Back in my room, I throw on a pair of jeans and a white shirt. Pulling on a pair of socks and my training shoes, I head off downstairs to make some toast and grab a glass of fruit juice. I pick up the paper and leaf through it, thinking about the difference between starting my morning as Michael versus Tracey. I finish my breakfast without lingering. There’s nothing to savour.

I would have been into my last couple days of being Tracey had I not gotten caught. Mom will be at home on holiday once school finishes up on Friday. Last year students, like myself, had the option of skipping the final three weeks following exams, and I had exercised my privilege. As you know, I had better things to do than sit in school and better people to be than myself.

I collected some money from the jar as Mom had told me. Looking outside, I see it’s bright and sunny, no need for a jacket then I thought. Checking the clock, I calculate that I can return from the cleaners in time to catch the Wimbledon on TV. I figured watching tennis would help keep my mind off of being Tracey.

I lock the door behind me and walk about a block to the stop where I catch the 305a bus that takes me to the town-centre.

My morning fantasy haunts me as I wander around the shopping centre. I see the café that I had imagined sitting in with my mom. I still have plenty of time, so I take a seat and order a cup of coffee from the waitress. As I wait for my drink, I look across the patio and focus on two women taking a break from their jobs. They were both dressed in navy blue blazers and skirts with white blouses. They wore matching yellow neck scarves. Both had stilettos on their feet. I assumed they worked together at the bank across the street and were taking an early lunch.

I watch as the older woman takes a cigarette from her pack and offers it to the younger lady who accepts it. The older one lights her cigarette and passes the lighter to the younger one who follows suit. I’m so intent on watching them that I fail to notice the waitress has set my coffee on the table. I can’t hear what they’re talking about but they both appear engaged in their conversation. I watch as the younger girl, who was probably five or more years older than myself, cranes her head back and exhales a cloud of smoke toward the sky. She’s laughing and looks very relaxed and happy. I wonder how long she’s been smoking? Do her parents know? Could the other woman be her mother? I doubted it, but that didn’t stop my penis from growing stiff beneath the table as I imagined mom and I trading places with them.

I stayed at my table until the women finished their cigarettes and paid the bill. I waited to leave until they crossed the street. In case they’d noticed me staring, I didn’t want to appear as if I were stalking them.

After paying for my coffee, I retrieve the suit from the cleaners and begin the short journey to bus stop. As I’m walking down the street, I pass a thrift shop called Barnardos. I catch a glimpse of a dress in their display window. It catches my eye so I stop and take a look. The first thing I notice is the colour. It’s red- a spectacular red. It’s a halter style dress and I admire the plunging neckline. Judging by the way it hung on the mannequin, I suspected it would be ankle length on me. On me? Yeah, right. I turned around to see if someone who might recognize me was watching. I’m just looking in a store window, I reasoned. It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong. I dropped to one knee and retied my shoe as I looked up and tried to read the price tag.  £20! That was well within my price range. I knew it was crazy, but I wanted that dress and I just had to have it! The thought of what to do with it didn’t occur to me as I lusted after it. Of course I intended to wear it, but where would I hide it in the meantime? In my closet? Did it matter? I figured it must have belonged to a girl who had worn it to her prom. She must have felt gorgeous in it and so would I!

I looked over at the bank, the one the women from the café had gone back to after lunch. I saw a cash dispenser embedded in the wall and made my way over to it. My pulse throbbed as I took my card out of my wallet and pushed it into the slot. Typing in my pin code, I waited anxiously for my cash to be dispensed. Three crisp ten pound notes emerged. I took them and slipped them into my pocket and walked away.

Having the money in my pocket did nothing for my courage. If anything I was more frightened because I was one step closer to owning that dress. I took a deep breath and held it, hoping to steady my nerves. It didn’t work. My hands were sweating profusely and it wasn’t even hot. I need a cigarette, I thought. That will help.

The idea of ‘needing’ a cigarette was foreign to me, and I immediately questioned it. As Tracey, I had ‘wanted’ cigarettes, but never needed them. It wasn’t like I was addicted like my mom or her friends. And as far as Michael is concerned, well I’ve never smoked as myself. I’ve never even purchased my own cigarettes and I tried to talk myself out of it as I approached a nearby news stand.

Once inside the shop, I bypassed the counter and went directly to the magazine rack. There was no one in the store that knew me. As I had told mum earlier, I was eighteen, so there was nothing to stop me, save for my conscious. I made a decision to ignore the voice in my head that sounded oddly like my mother’s and walked up to the counter. I chose a disposable lighter from the display and looked blankly at the cashier when he asked if there would be anything else before he rung up my purchase. I looked at the cigarette display behind the counter. As a boy, I knew I should choose a manly brand of smokes, but I’d never smoked anything other than my mother’s feminine Berkley’s. Who am I trying to kid? I’m on my way to buy a dress. How manly is that? I asked the cashier for a ten pack of Berkley Menthols, the kind my mother smokes. He laid the pack on the counter next to my lighter and rang up the purchase. I paid the man and blushed as I stuffed my purchase into my pocket and slunk out the door.

I stepped out on to the sidewalk and moved away from the shop’s door. I scanned the street and sidewalks for familiar faces. I didn’t want anyone I knew to see me smoking, especially women’s cigarettes. It looked safe, but not safe enough and I wasn’t willing to take chances. I couldn’t afford for anyone to take notice and ask my mother about it, not if I had plans of stowing a prom dress in the back of my closet.

I spotted a little landscaped area just the other side of the bus terminus with bushes around it. From where I stood, I could see a couple of benches and figured that it was as good a spot as any. I walked over and hung up dad’s suit on the wooden bench and sat down. I removed the clear plastic foil from the packet and opened them; pulling away the shiny paper at the top. I took one out and popped it in my mouth. Flicking the lighter, I pushed the tip into the flame and inhaled. Coughing slightly, I sat back and considered a strategy that would allow for me to buy the dress at Barnardo’s.

As I was sitting on the bench smoking a mother and her young boy walked out of the terminus and passed me. The boy pointed at the pack of Berkley’s on the bench beside me.

“Look mum. That boy smokes the same kind of ciggies as you do.”

The woman shot me a disgusted look, took her son by the hand and dragged him away from me- the boy smoking women’s cigarettes. If I hadn’t needed the cigarette so badly, I would have stepped on it and ran. I finished it instead and put it out in the sand bucket by the bench.

This is it, I thought as I looked across the street at Barnardo’s. It’s not like the lady in the store can refuse to sell it to me. I wondered if it would fit as I made my way through the crosswalk.

I botched my first attempt at entering the store. It wasn’t the doorknob that gave me trouble. It was my feet. They walked right on past the store and didn’t stop until they had taken me fifty yards past my target. By the time I regained control of them, I was standing in front of a shoe store.

I like shoes, I thought as I looked in the window, especially heels. I admired some of the styles and colours, trying hard to make sure it looked as if I was looking at the men’s shoes while my eyes were really scanning the feminine heels on show. I tore myself away from the window. I shook my head and urged myself to get a grip as I turned back toward the thrift shop.

The door to Barnardo’s looked heavy as I stood in front of it. “Just do it,” I said out loud as I pushed it open with my hand and stepped inside. The boy alarm went off overhead as the door closed behind me. Okay, so it wasn’t a boy alarm. It was just a chime.

Upon hearing the sound, the woman who ran the shop turned around and offered me a smile. I nodded at her as I made a dash to display of second hand books.

I congratulated myself on being inconspicuous as I poured through the titles, without a clue as to what I was looking at. I concentrated on looking like a reader as I flipped through the meaningless pages. My fingers, drenched from sweat, left stains on the pages as I turned them.

If the lady of the store had been watching me, she would have marvelled at my talent for reading a book with my fingers while studying the dress in her window with my eyes. She didn’t see me though, as she was busy tagging some new merchandise. I took advantage of her preoccupation and made a stealthy approach toward the dress. I was so busy admiring the back view of the dress that I didn’t see the shelves of coffee mugs until I was right up on them.

The ceramic mugs rattled against their glass shelving. I picked up a mug just as the woman turned her attention toward me. “Sorry,” I said out loud. She smiled and nodded and returned to her pricing duties.

I continued my approach with a couple of old books in one hand and a coffee mug, proclaiming my love for “Big Ben” in the other.

Upon closer inspection, the dress was just as marvellous up close as it had been from the street. It had a low cut back and would need to be worn braless. No problem, I thought as I spotted the tag, identifying the dress as a size 10. I was in luck! My mom was a size 12 and her clothes were a little big on me. A size 10 would be tight but it would definitely be wearable.

I took a deep breath and walked up to the counter and laid the books and the mug on the top. The woman laid down her price gun and asked if I had found everything I had been looking for. She was making it easy for me.

I told her about my girlfriend, the one I had concocted on the bench while having a cigarette. “Her birthday is next week, and I’d kind of like to get her something special.”

The woman smiled as she picked up the coffee mug. “Are you Big Ben,” she asked?

“As a matter of fact, I am,” I lied. “I thought it would be kind of funny if I gave it to her.”

She nodded as she wrapped the mug in paper to keep it from being scratched. “What kind of things does your girlfriend like,” she asked?

“Pretty things,” I said. “That dress in your window is pretty,” I said, pointing at it with my finger. “How much do you want for it?” I asked, pretending I hadn’t looked at the price.

“Twenty pounds,” said the woman. “By chance, would you know what size she wears?”

I told her I wasn’t positive, but I believed it to be either a nine or a ten.

“I’ll check for you,” she said as she left me at the counter and walked up to the window.

“You’re in luck Ben!” she called out, just as two older women walked into the store. “It’s a ten! I think it will probably fit!”

The two women shot me a curious look.

“I’ll take it for my girlfriend!” I said as loudly as I could without shouting.

I sweated profusely as the woman stripped the mannequin and the two older women browsed the shop. It’s almost mine, I thought excitedly as I urged myself to calm down. I watched as the woman neatly entombed the dress in a disposable garment bag. She rang up my purchases and I handed her the cash. She smiled knowingly as she placed the change in my hands. As she thanked me for the business, I wondered if she knew I had bought the dress for myself. I didn’t ponder on the answer. I thanked her, picked up my bags and hurried out of the store.

Once outside, I was elated I’d done it. The beautiful dress was mine. Concerned that someone might spot me with the dress over my shoulder, I hung it under the protective sheet that covered my dad’s suit. The dress was mine, but when would I get the opportunity to wear it? I went home to hatch a plan.

I was desperate to try it on that afternoon but the risk of getting caught was too high. Even locking the bathroom and trying it on in there would be too much of a risk. Instead, I concentrated on concealing it from discovery. I looked around my room for a suitable place. I finally decided on a large game box in my cupboard. Someone had bought it for me a few years back. It was a casino set, complete with a roulette wheel and dummy card table, but more importantly, it had a raised base so that when I took out the wheel board, there was a space below. I carefully folded the garment, pausing to feel its texture as I pressed it against my cheek. I placed it in the box and covered it. I knew that it would crease it a bit but that’s what they make irons for. I put it away and dreamed of the day I could wear it.

I didn’t think I’d have an opportunity to try on the dress until the October break or maybe even Christmas. I guess you could say Christmas came early at my house. Mom paid me a visit in my room last night. She wanted to remind me of the retirement party for Mr. Frame.

“I’ll be home late,” she said, “so I’ll pick you up a pizza on my way home, before I go.”

“Just me and Dad,” I asked?

“No. He’s working late too. Some big case.”

I tried to look unconcerned, but the wheels in my head were spinning.

“And remember what you promised,” she said with a stern look.

“Yeah mum,” I replied in a short and disgusted tone that let her know that I knew what she was talking about without her having to summarize it.

“Good then,” she said as she closed the door, leaving me to ponder the dress in my closet.

I have my own dress now, I thought as I sprawled out on the bed. The lawyer in me rationalized that she hadn’t specifically forbid me to borrow the garments that go beneath a dress. After all, things like bras and panties aren’t really clothes. It’s not like you can wear them alone by themselves. Of course I didn’t plan on asking my mother for her opinion. I’d just snatch a few things from the hamper, without disturbing anything in her drawers. Nothing wrong with that, I decided as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up the next morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed. Today was the day I could wear my dress. After checking the house to make sure everyone had left for the day, I took a shower and went to work on my legs. It had been a week or so since I last shaved them and judging by the stubble, I thought it best not to ignore them. After drying off, I walked into my mom’s room and took a seat at her vanity.

I spent the next forty minutes or so being extra careful not to make a mess or leave any traces of used make up on the top of the table. I applied a little foundation as I considered the similarities between my mother’s complexion and my own. The way we looked alike was uncanny, I thought as I dusted on some powder and then set about my eyes.

I used a deep blue eye shadow and lined my eyes. I followed with mascara, lengthening and separating my lashes. I had quite long lashes, especially for a boy. My lips were next and I made good use of my mother’s lip brushes and a tube of deep red lipstick.

I studied my reflection in the mirror until I was satisfied with the look I had achieved. I cleaned up the brushes and raided the dirty clothes hamper for panties. I quickly found what I was looking for. I also found an excellent pair of tan hose. I congratulated myself on my resourcefulness as I stole back to my room with the bounty of pilfered garments under my arm.

I slipped on the panties and pulled up the tights as I marvelled at the delicious feeling coming over me. I went to my closet and found the casino box. The anticipation built up as I removed the false bottom and pulled out the dress. I held it up and looked at the halter neck. It had a popper clasp with some additional fabric that I could tie to make it a bit more secure. Opening the clasp, I stepped into it and eased it up over my hips.

It was a bit tight as I had expected, but I eventually managed to get it on and close the clasp. Tying the fabric behind my neck into a bow. I was desperate to see the finished article but I wasn’t finished preparing. I hurried back to my parent’s room and found a red pair of sandals in my mother’s closet. The sandals had two-inch heels. I would have preferred something higher, but these would have to do, I thought, as I squeezed my feet into them.

I found breasts in the form of toilet paper in the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror and stuffed the dress’s cups, while moulding the paper into an effective and generous bosom. The look was grandee, but I needed some bling. I found it in my mother’s jewellery box. It’s always such a mess, so I didn’t worry about rearranging it to fit my needs. I helped myself to a couple of rings and a pair of her clip on earrings as well as simple gold chain for my neck.

I also found a set of false nails in one of her drawers. They were the pre-glued kind from Revlon. They’re meant for one-time wear, but mom always seemed to get more mileage out of them was able to keep the better ones as spares. I sat down and patiently pushed them into place upon my fingers. Afterwards, I held my hands in front of me and admired the French tip effect of my long nails.

I strutted over to the full-length mirror and gawked at Tracey. She was stunning. I was stunning! I trembled in front of my reflection as my imagination raced with improbable situations and fantasies. I saw myself at a dance with a faceless and nameless companion on my arm.

I needed a cigarette! I remembered the pack I had bought the other day while I was in town. I went to my room and found them in my gym bag where I had hidden them. The pack and lighter looked absolutely darling wrapped tightly inside my hand.

I need a drink! I went downstairs and poured some wine. With a glass in one hand and my cigarettes in the other, I sauntered to the lounge and turned on the television. I sat down in the armchair, crossing my legs, the split of the dress opening up, not to revealing, but showing a bit of tan coloured thigh. I used my French nails to open the pack and remove a cigarette. I placed it between my lips and lit it. “Tracey’s back,” I said as I exhaled.

I took a sip of wine and watched as an Australian soap played itself out for me on the television. One of the characters, a woman, told her partner that she was finished with him. Their argument grew more intense. He grabs her, covering her mouth with his hand. She struggles but she can’t overcome his strength. He pulls her across the floor, opens a door to storage room and shoves her inside.

I take a puff from my cigarette as I watch him rough her up. He pushes her arms behind her back and reaches for some rope that he finds on a shelf. He ties her hands together. She screams for him to let her loose, but how often does that work?

He gags her with some cloth. That will shut her up for a while, I think as I take a sip of wine. He gets some more rope and goes to work on her ankles. She’ll never get out of this pickle, I think as the show fades to black for a commercial.

You might recall I have a soft spot in my heart and a hard spot in my groin for a damsel in distress. I couldn’t help but imagine myself in the actress’s place. I took a puff from my cigarette and closed my eyes. I saw myself in my wonderful dress being held for hostage. Would Daddy pay the ransom?

I got up from the chair and looked at the clock. It was barely noon, so I definitely had the time. Oh, this will be fun, I thought as I headed out to the garage.

Dad had built the garage a few years back and had altered the kitchen a bit so that you could access it from the kitchen. I looked around at the empty garage trying to find something to use. I found some black duct tape and a little rope, not much, but it would have to do. I considered tying myself up in the garage but decided against it, not wanting to get oil or anything on the dress. In hindsight the garage might have been a better idea, but then again that’s hindsight.

I made my way back into the lounge. Taking one of the dining table chairs, I placed it in the centre of the room by the settee. I figured I could tie myself up there and watch the remainder of the soap while in my bound state. I thought of the damsel in the storage room as I sat down with the duct tape. I had a feeling there wasn’t enough tape left on the spool to finish the job and I was right.

So what? I thought as I got up from the chair. There’s more than one way to skin a cat or tie up a damsel. I found some clothes rags in the kitchen. I guess you could say Mom is into recycling. She cuts up our old clothes and uses them for dust rags. I recognized one of my old tee shirts as I inspected a piece that was about a decimetre wide. This will do, I thought as I returned to the lounge feeling quite proud of my ability to improvise. What’s more, I thought, I can throw it away if I get lipstick on it.

I took a seat and looked at the TV. My show was back on but my damsel was nowhere to be seen. Oh well, she’ll show up, I thought as I picked up the rope and tied my ankles to the chair legs. I took another piece of rope and make a couple of loops in it for my wrists. I checked the fit by wiggling my hands inside. Not bad, I thought as I removed the loop from my hands and tied the free end to the spindle under the chair. I wrapped the longer piece of rope twice round my waist and the chair’s back, tying it off at my hip. I’d done a good job, not that Houdini would have had much trouble escaping, but I wasn’t Houdini, and I didn’t really want to escape, at least not yet. There’s my damsel, I thought as I caught a flash of her on the screen. She’s got a gag in her mouth. Might I need one?

I balled up a piece of the cotton teeshirt and shoved it in my mouth. I took the other piece and wound it between my teeth tying it tightly behind my head. I tried to talk. “Hello,” I said. “I have a gag in my pretty little mouth.” But it didn’t sound like that. It sounded more like, “Mmmnph, mmmnph…”

I moved on to the tricky part. I took the two loops and slipped one wrist inside. Moving my hands behind my back, I brought them together. I slipped the free hand inside one loop and twisted it around before slipping it through the same loop again. I took up a good bit of the slack and slipped the second wrist into the second loop and twist it again, before putting my wrist through again for a second time. I pulled upwards on the knot, tightening it. Oh yeah, I wasn’t going anywhere in a hurry.

I struggle while I watch the TV. I imagine it’s me in the storeroom. The kidnapper has me. I’m at his mercy. I watch as the kidnapper enters the storeroom with a glass of water. He loosens the gag. She drinks from the glass through her tears. She pleads for her freedom. I plead along with her. “Mmmnph, mmnph- let me go.”

She asks him why he’s doing this to her. She promises she won’t turn him in if he just lets her go.

“Sorry,” says the kidnapper. “You’re mine forever,” he says as he pulls the gag back over her mouth.

She jerks her head back and tries to scream as he pulls the gag tighter her lips stretching back. I scream too. “Mmmph!”

For one brief second, I had a fantastic view of our ceiling, and then our wall, and finally our floor. I was on my side, still bound to the chair. “Mmmph!” That means ‘Oh Shit’ in gag speak.

With a little patience, I could have gotten myself out of the mess if I hadn’t panicked. But I did panic and I did struggle. The knots grew tighter.

The door opened. What? No! A woman’s voice calls out my name, but she’s not my mother, yet I know her voice. It is but it can’t be. Her footsteps grow louder as she approaches. She’ll be able to see me soon. What then?

I hear her gasp. “What’s this?” she asks?

I look up to see Avril Watson looking down at me. What the fuck is she doing here?

“Oh my God,” she says as she rights the chair with me in it. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“Mmmph.” I see the look of recognition in her face.

She smiles coyly. “Well hello Michael. So what do we have here?”

“Mmmph.”

She nods as if she understands gag speak. I start working at the knot on my wrist. There’s a little slack now. I see her hand move to the knot. Oh great! She’s going to help me. I could use some help, but what will I tell her once I’m free.

Instead of loosening the knot, she tightens it. I look up at her. “Mmmph?”

She tells me to relax. “Don’t go anywhere,” she says as she disappears into the kitchen.

Mrs. Watson is my mother’s friend and one of my former teachers. She teaches at the same school with my mom. I’m fucked. Fucked? Yeah sure, she’s hot! I’d love to fuck her, but I wasn’t thinking of that kind of fuck. I was thinking of another kind of fucked and it wasn’t pleasant at all.

Did I say she’s hot? She is. She’s older than my mom by about four years, but she’s still hot as hell. Most of the students, at least the guy students, have a crush on her. They probably have one on mom as well, but they’d never tell me that to my face.

Mrs. Watson lived just around the corner from us. She and Mom often shared a car on their way to work. They hadn’t started out as friends, but about three or four years ago, Mr Watson did a runner with his secretary. I never understood why he would do such a thing because his wife is hot as hell, but there you go. She and Mom got close after that. A friend in need is a friend in deed, or something like that.

Mrs. Watson was always a smart dresser. I don’t think I’ve seen her look bad inside or outside the school. She’s also a smoker, but saying she smokes is like saying Rembrandt paints. I’m not sure how to describe it, but I’ll try.

I’ve always thought the way a woman smokes is kind of descriptive of her personality. Take my mother, for example. She’s a fine looking woman loaded with class and style. She’s sophisticated and elegant, and that’s the way she smokes- like a lady. Mrs. Watson doesn’t smoke like a lady. She smokes like a slut!

Of course I’m not saying she’s a slut. It’s just that she knows she looks sexy when she does it. I mean why else would she smoke those long brown More cigarettes in the red pack? I don’t know what it is with me and cigarette length. So what? She smokes long cigarettes. It’s just an addiction. I know she can’t help it and neither can my mom. It’s just than when I look at a pack of cigarettes, I think about the kind of woman that might smoke them. My mom is a nice woman. A nice woman like her smokes a nice cigarette like Berkley. So what does that say about Mrs. Watson and her Mores? I can’t say definitively, but when she’s smoking them, its like she’s talking to me and my penis listens to every word her slutty cigarette says.

Mrs. Watson returned from the kitchen with a glass of red wine in her hand. Her walk was sultry. Or was it the sound of her heels clicking on the floor that I found so appealing? Appealing or not, the grin on her face was troubling. She pulled the gag down a bit and the cloth in my mouth fell out.

“Well, well Michael! Who would have thought it? You’re a little cross dresser, aren’t you,” she said as she took a seat beside me.

I watched as she picked up her bag and removed her cigarettes. Oh shit, I thought to myself, as she took one out of the red packet and lit it with silver lighter. She inhaled deeply and exhaled triumphantly. The thin brown cigarette jutted out of her fingers. Her long painted manicured nails caught the light and glimmered as she waved the cigarette in front of her, pointing it at me.

“You know,” she mused, “I’ve always thought there was something a bit different about you.” She sipped the wine and continued her thoughts. “You know you do look quite cute as a girl though. What? Nothing to say?”

I shook my head no and stared at the floor.

She continued to smoke; taking long inhales with a range of mouth closures and snaps. She even blew smoke rings in my direction. I wasn’t staring at the floor any more. I was staring at her and her cigarette. The two of them looked so slutty together. And then it happened. My body began to betray me and I felt every inch of its betrayal, as my penis grew hard between my thighs. Not now, I pleaded silently.

Thinking about it only made it worse. It grew and pushed against the fabric of my dress. If my hands hadn’t been tied, I could have covered it. I wanted to look away but my eyes were locked on hers. God, she looked so sexy. Keep smoking, I thought. No. Stop. Put it out. She did, but she replaced it with a fresh one from her pack. She’d have to blind not to see it poking through. She wasn’t blind.

“Oh my! And what do we have here?” she asked as she stood up and lit her cigarette while looking down on me. She set the lighter on the edge of the chair and walked towards me, the cigarette protruding from her slim fingers.

“I do believe you’re getting a bit excited about this,” she said as she raised the cigarette to her lips and filled her lungs with smoke.

My cock twitched and she noticed the movement. She called me a little ‘perve’ and accused of me getting turned on by her smoking.

“Is that how you get your jollies?” She smirked and took a long drag as watched my dress move. “You should be ashamed of your self, getting pleasure from a woman’s addiction. I bet you get excited watching your mom smoke too. Don’t you?”

“No,” I argued. “It’s not like that.”

“I think it is like that,” she said as she reached down and put her hand under my dress, pulling down my tights and freeing my erect cock.

I groaned in sexual torment and mental angst.

She shook her head and grinned. “You’re not very big, you know, but then again, I’m not surprised.”

I pleaded with my eyes for her to stop what she was doing. Let me go. Forget about this. Walk away and don’t tell my parents. Please!

“Maybe we could have a little fun,” she said as her fingers circled my shaft her other hand lifted the wet piece of cloth “Open up” she said, I opened my mouth she pushed it back inside and then pushed the gag back into place “Mnnnumph” I said, her cigarette bobbed between her lips. She began to stroke me.

The situation had gone beyond me and the pressure in my throbbing shaft reached its boiling point. Less than four stokes of her hand and one inhale from her cigarette pushed me over the edge and the dam broke. Cum exploded from cock, spewing and flowing. I cringed as a drop landed on Mrs. Watson’s blouse.

“It seems you’ve had a little accident,” she said with a smirk as she inhaled more smoke.

My penis gave another twitch before falling limp. Her finger went to the blob of cum that had landed on her blouse. She scooped it up on two fingers and carried it toward my face. Her two fingers edged inside my loosely gagged mouth and she wiped the cum between my lips. I knew it was gross, but I was still turned on as I watched her walk back to her seat and pick up her cigarettes and lighter, dropping them into her bag.

“I need to be going now,” she said. “If you want, we can let today be our little secret.” She winked and came closer. I watched as she reached behind me and untied one of the knots. “You can probably handle it from here,” she said with a wink.

I watched her leave and listened for the door to open and close before I wiggled free of my bonds. I sat there with my head in my hands, crying and terrified. Oh my God, I thought. What have I done? What will Mrs. Watson do?

I eventually picked myself up out of the chair and went back to my room where I undressed and changed back into my Michael clothes. After putting away my dress and returning all the items that I had borrowed to their rightful place, I tidied up the lounge, removing all my bondage props and emptying the ashtray that Mrs. Watson had used. I did my best to cover my tracks. An hour later I was lying face down on my bed with every worry in the world circling my brain.

I’m not sure if anyone can imagine what it’s like to be on Death Row before you are called to the execution chamber, but I reckon that I came pretty close to understanding that feeling over the next week or so. Every time I was alone or in the presence of my mother I waited for the dreaded words. I heard her voice in my head, asking me to have a word with her. I heard her asking if there was something I wanted to tell her. I waited and waited, but nothing ever came of it. I didn’t feel safe, but I began to relax somewhat. Acting edgy would just bring unwanted attention.

I started being helpful around the house. I cleaned up the garage and the closet. I mowed the lawns and even painted the fence over the next few days. Working hard helped take my mind off of Mrs. Watson and what she might do or say. I even rationalized that my mom would be more forgiving if she remembered the hard work I’d done around the house. Of course I was kidding myself. My mother’s temper is legendary.

By the time Friday came along, I had done everything that I could around the house. Mom seemed pleasant and friendly so I felt my secret was safe for the time being.

I had gotten up early that morning, and she was still home when I went to the kitchen. I know she’s my mom, but it was hard to take my eyes off her. She was dressed in a pair of tight shorts that showed off her tanned legs. She wore a tight cotton vest style top that stretched across her breasts.

I watched as she picked up her cigarettes and took one out. She sparked the gold lighter into action and inhaled as I stared on. I wondered if she had any idea how good she looked when she smoked. Not only did she look good, she looked ‘right’. Could I ever look so right with a cigarette in my hand? She glanced past her paper at me as she held the cigarette high in a feminine pose. She seemed startled by my attention and I looked away.

“What you doing today,” she asked?

“Eh, nothing. Why? Is there something you want me to do for you?”

“Nothing like that,” she said as she put out her cigarette. “I just thought you’ve been good this week helping around the house and I thought you might like a treat.”

My heart stopped. Was she going to invite me to become Tracey for the day and spend it with her?

“Here,” she said as she reached in her purse and pulled out her cigarettes.

Oh my God! Was she going to offer me a cigarette?

She shifted the cigarettes to her other hand and reached back inside her purse, this time coming up with her wallet. She removed a  £20 and handed it to me.

“Go out and enjoy your self for the afternoon. Don’t bother coming back until five, and dinner is at six.” She lit a cigarette and exhaled her smoke authoritatively.

Deflated, I took the money and thanked her.

I went to my room and changed into a pair of jeans and a lemon shirt. After getting dressed, I lounged around the house for a couple of hours before pulling on my training shoes and heading out. I passed my mother in her room as she changing into a burgundy blouse and tight black skirt. I asked her if she was going out too.

“Yeah maybe just for a little while. I could do with some fresh air,” she said as she took a drag from her cigarette and put it back in the ashtray.

I stood in the door and watched for a while as she put on her make-up. Every now and then she would take a puff from her cigarette and I wondered what it would be like to smoke like her whenever I wanted.

“Did you need something,” she asked?

“Naw. Just leaving. See you tonight.”

I took the bus to the retail park and decided to bowl for a couple of hours. I crossed to the entrance of Hollywood Bowl and went inside. I paid for three games and collected my shoes. I like bowling. It’s something you can do alone. You don’t need a group. You just go along and knock a few pins down and relax a bit. Two hours later with scores of 187, 156 and 163, I was handing in my shoes and going back out into the sunlight.

I still had a couple of hours to kill before going home so I visited a couple of stores at the retail park. I didn’t plan on buying any thing. I was just browsing. As usual, I walked through the stores trying to be inconspicuous. While pretending to look at gent’s stuff, my eyes would wander to the ladies section, checking out the latest fashions, skirts, heels etc. I spent some more time wandering around an electrical store and checking out the latest computer games for my Play Station. I promised myself I would buy a couple of new games while on holiday. I might even get them duty free, I thought to myself.

I checked my watch as I walked out of the store. I’d lost track of time and in an hour I’d be late for dinner. By the time I managed to catch a bus and get back it was a quarter past. She’ll be pissed, I thought as I walked towards the house and opened the door. The sound of mom and dad having a domestic greeted me from the kitchen. Now the one thing I’ve learned in my eighteen years is that when my parents argue its best if I stay out of their way. I retreated to my room and waited for the dust to blow over.

Half an hour later, as I sat playing Championship Manager on my Play Station, I heard footsteps on the stairs. I knew they were Dad’s. My bedroom door opened and he stepped inside.

“Hiya champ. What you up to?”

“Eh just a game of Championship Manager,” I said.

“Are you winning?”

“Eh not really.”

“Eh listen. I’ve got something to tell you,” he said as he sat down on the bed. “You know our holiday next week?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Well I can’t get out of work. I can’t go.”

“Oh? Is that why Mom is so pissed? I heard the two of your arguing when I came in.”

Dad nodded. “I hate doing this, but you know the girl that went missing a few weeks ago?”

“Sure I do. It’s been all over the news.”

“Well another one went missing late last night. The department cancelled all leaves until we get it solved. As a matter of fact, I need to be getting back to the station now.”

He looked at me like I was going to give him a bit of the same grief Mom had given to him down stairs. Sure I wanted to go, but I’d get over it.

“I hate to miss our holiday,” he said. “I was looking forward to spending some quality time with you.”

“It’s ok Dad. It’s your job.”

“Thanks,” he said. “I appreciate you knowing I have to do this. Look, I need to go. Maybe when this case is over we can grab another week away.” He got up and ruffled my hair.

“Sure Dad. That sounds good.”

“Oh, and by the way. Your mom says dinner is ready, so you better go down,” he said, as he left my room without closing the door behind him.

I stared at the door for about five minutes before getting up and joining Mom in the kitchen.

I greeted her as I walked in and took a seat at the table. She put my dinner on the table in front of me without answering. The plate clattered against the tile. She was angry, but not at me. But then again, her anger with my father had a way of filtering down to the next available male and I was it. Best to ignore it, I thought as I cut into my dinner of steak and chips.

She stood by the window, looking out across the garden, as I ate. She picked up her cigarettes and lit one, blowing out an angry cloud of smoke. She was definitely fuming from her argument with Dad. Eat and run, wait until she cools off; that was the best thing I could do.

I watched her as she smoked methodically by the window. Her drags were long and her exhales were intentional. Scientifically speaking, she was medicating her anger with nicotine. That’s why I wasn’t surprised when she immediately chained into a second cigarette after disposing of the first. It was an addiction; nonetheless, she wore it well.

I suppose you’ve heard the saying that some women look sexy when they’re angry. My mother is one of those sexy-angry women who look even sexier when they smoke. I tried to look away. This isn’t a dinner theatre, I thought as I chewed a bite of meat. If she’s angry now, she’ll be even angrier if she catches me looking at her some like fetish object. I tried, but I couldn’t look away, at least not entirely. Damn the health consequences, I thought. If I looked like her, I’d smoke and be angry 24 hours a day.

I finished my meal and hurriedly deposited the plate and utensils in the sink. I thanked her for my dinner and exited toward my room, relieved that she’d ignored my gratitude.

I considered going back and trying to talk to her. Maybe she needs me, I thought. After all, she’s not angry with me. Perhaps she needs a friend. It’s not my fault Dad has to work. I shook my head and continued the climb up the stairs to my room. Uh-uh, no. I can’t go back there. She’s mad at Dad. Dad’s a man. I’m a man, not quite, but kind of. Although I wasn’t guilty of ruining our holiday, I was guilty of more heinous crimes. I wasn’t in a position to console her, but I was in a position for her to take her anger out on me. Better Dad than me, I thought as I closed the door to my bedroom behind me.

I could hear my mother’s voice filtering up the stairs as I watched the television. Dad wasn’t home and no one was talking back to her, so I knew she was on the phone with someone, though I couldn’t make out what she was telling the other person. I was admittedly curious, but given her mood, eves dropping was out of the question, so I turned up the volume on the TV and drifted off to sleep.

*****

The icy chill that haunted the house lingered for the next couple of days. I made myself scarce by hanging out at the gym and the bowling alley. Dinners required my attendance, but they were mercifully as short as the conversations. I felt caught in the middle between my parents. Sometimes they talked to each other through me. We could be in the same room and they’d do that.

A couple of days before we were due to leave, I had been to the gym as usual to avoid going home. Normally I would have wandered around the shopping centre to waste a little time. But this day, the weather refused to cooperate. The heavens opened slammed the streets with rain. Seriously, it was bad. I think Noah would have taken notice if he were there. I might have looked upon it as an adventure of sorts if I’d been dressed for deep sea diving, but seeing how I wasn’t, I beat a quick path back home via the bus. As the bus splashed down the streets, I found myself hoping that my mom was out shopping. She insisted on having new clothes for our holiday and I don’t think it was because she thought she needed them. She just wanted to put a dent on Dad’s credit card as payback for not joining us.

After making my way to the house from the stop, I opened the front door and shook the rain from my hair like a wet dog. Mom wasn’t out shopping and we weren’t alone. Laughter poured from the kitchen, something I hadn’t heard for a while. I love the sound of my mother’s laughter and found myself hoping she had put the bad business between her and Dad behind them.

I lowered my guard and entered the kitchen where I found Mom sitting at the breakfast bar with Avril Watson. Mom was wearing her short leather skirt with a white silk blouse. The blouse was open at the front and showed a bit of cleavage. Four-inch black leather pumps adorned her feet. Mrs Watson wore a tight red ultra short mini skirt with a black lacy blouse. I could clearly see her silky black bra through it. Like my mom, she was wearing heels. Hers were red leather court shoes.

Mom looked up from her conversation and greeted me, calling me “Babes”.

I shot her a friendly nod and acknowledged Mrs. Watson with a shy smile that pleaded with her to keep our secret. A quick glance around the kitchen told me they had been drinking. I’m not a psychic, but the empty bottle of red wine and the glasses were a clue.

Mom, apparently a little tipsy from the wine, reached for cigarettes and dropped her lighter in the process. It clattered and came to rest on the counter. I watched as she picked it up and offered Mrs. Watson a cigarette from her pack. Mrs. Watson accepted the offer and gracefully removed a cigarette from Mom’s pack with her red talons and lifted it to her lips. Mom took one as well. Sparking up the lighter, she lit hers and offered Mrs Watson a light. Her hand shook ever so slightly, probably from the drink, causing Mrs. Watson to steady Mom’s hand with her own.

I inhaled along with Mrs. Watson, holding my breath as I soaked in the sight. My penis stiffened as I watched. Being shy about such things, I covered up with my gym bag and got a can of Coke from the fridge.

“Good news Babes,” slurred Mom. “Since your dad can’t come on holiday with us and it’s all been paid for in advance, I talked Avril into taking his place. Isn’t that great?”

“What?” I asked at the very same time carbonated beverage was flowing down my throat. Coke bubbled from my nose as I lurched forward, trying to catch the mess in my hands. I could swear I saw Mrs. Watson wink at me as my head went down.

“Oh dear!” said Mom. “Are you alright Babes? Do you need a towel?”

I coughed and waved her off. “I’m okay,” I croaked. “Mrs. Watson is going with us?”

“Is that a problem,” asked Mom?

“No. Of course not,” I said, rubbing at my throat. “My drink just went down the wrong way. That’s great,” I said as I looked cautiously over at Mrs. Watson, who was smiling at me, while exhaling a plume of smoke. “So when’s dinner,” I asked?

Mom shrugged as she took a long drag. “Your dad is supposed to be home around seven, so I suppose we’ll eat in a couple hours.”

“In that case, I think I’ll take a shower,” I said as I backed out of the kitchen.

They continued their chat as I walked up stairs. I was too involved with my own thoughts to listen in on theirs. I shut the door behind me and fell face first into my bed. Great! Ten days with Mom and Avril Watson, the only two people who had seen me as Tracey. I was doomed. If they hadn’t already shared their stories about me, they’d do it on the ship. When those two women drink, their lips get loose. And loose lips sink ships. The irony of the phrase wasn’t lost on me. Why me? I thought as I turned into my pillow and cried.

Yesterday’s rain crept into the morning. I’m not made of chocolate, so I won’t melt, but I’m not a fan of running in the rain. Mom seemed pleasant enough, so I joined her for lunch in the kitchen. She made us toasted sandwiches and fresh brewed coffee. She told me she was going out to do some more clothes shopping for our holiday, as if she hadn’t already bought out all the stores in town.

The introduction of Mrs. Watson to our holiday had given me second thoughts about going on the cruise. Better to speak up now than when I’m stuck on the boat.

“Mom?”

She lit a cigarette and smiled. “Yes dear.”

“About our holiday…”

“Oh yes,” said my mother enthusiastically. “We’re going to have so much fun!”

“I guess so- maybe. But I was thinking that it might be better if I stayed home with Dad, and you and Mrs. Watson went by your selves. You know, that way you could do your girly things together and I’d be out of your way.”

Mom took a draw on her cigarette, put it down on the ashtray, and blew her smoke high in the air. “You have to be kidding buster. You think I’d go away and leave you here to plunder through my wardrobe while I’m gone?”

Her words and the intensity of her tone stung and made me blush. “But Mom, I promised you I wouldn’t do it again.”

“I know you did, but I’m not putting temptation in your way,” she said harshly. “You’re going on the cruise with me and Avril and that’s final. OK?”

“Ehh Ok” I said meekly.

“Good. Now that that’s settled, I have some shopping to do. See if you can behave yourself for the rest of the day,” she said as she picked up her cigarette and walked out of the kitchen.

I sighed and shook my head in defeat. Like it or not, I was going on that cruise. All I could do was hope that Mrs. Watson would keep her word about not giving up my secret.

I spent the next couple of days concentrating on ways to minimise the damage this holiday could cause. I was fairly sure that Mrs Watson would not tell my mother about wanking me off, but she sure as hell could firmly nail my arse to the mast is she talked about my little bondage encounter. Even if I brought up the subject of her hand job, I doubted it would cause much of a distraction. It would be her word against mine and I had my track record going against me. I reasoned that the best thing I could do was to spend as little time with them as possible. I’d just make myself scarce.

I poured through the brochure that we had booked the holiday from. It was a large ship with plenty of places to stay out of the way. There were 3 different pools, a casino, a movie theatre, two nightclubs, an English and Irish style pub, a few shops, two main restaurants and a breakfast room. There were saunas and a beauty parlour, several sports were catered to on deck from volleyball to other sports I’d never heard of or played. I could take golf lessons. There would be evening entertainment with bands, singers, comedians, etc. All in all, given that we’d only be on board for ten days, I figured I’d be able to keep a safe a distance from them for most of the time.

I considered the itinerary for our trip. Dad had hired a car for mom to drive us to Southampton, which from Western Scotland was at least an eight-hour drive. We’d board the ship at 10:00pm on Sunday. We’d be at sea for a day before docking for our first port of call. There’d be other stops on Thursday and Friday. The ship was scheduled to spend a full weekend docked in Barcelona. We’d leave on Monday and arrive in Lisbon on Tuesday, where we’d spend the day. The ship had another six days before returning to Southampton, but we hadn’t booked for that long. We’d fly back home from the airport in Lisbon. The more I read, the more convinced I was that I could pull it off while withstanding minimum damage. Barcelona alone would keep the two of them busy with shopping while I lazed around the boat. What the heck, I thought. I’ll come home sporting a nice tan.

Saturday morning found me up early, dressed and ready to help with the arrangements. After breakfast, I went back up stairs to pack some clothes for the trip. I had just pulled a tee from my drawer when Mom knocked and entered. She asked what I was doing and I told her I was getting packed.

“Well just leave it on the floor,” she said. That stuff needs to be ironed.”

“But it’s clean and fresh” I said, showing her the pile of tee-shirts I had in my hands.

“Yes I know, but they still need ironing. Some of those have been in your drawer for weeks. Take this,” she said as she held out her hand. “Just go do something and try to stay out of my way for the rest of the day. I appreciate your wanting to help but it just makes my job harder.”

Now as I said, my mom has a temper and my recent indiscretion was not worth pushing it so I laid my clothes in a pile and took the money. She reminded me to be back for dinner and added that we were leaving early the next day at eight. I thought about telling her that if I made it home for dinner tonight, I wouldn’t have any trouble being here when we left the next day, but it wasn’t worth it. I’ve learned from experience that you don’t correct or question a teacher.

Mom had given me 30 pounds, more than enough to keep me out of her way for the day. I caught a bus into town and spent the next hour or so wandering around, before walking into the bowling alley. I spent the rest of the day seeing a movie and playing in the arcade. With time to spare and my money dwindling, I opted to forgo the bus and walk home instead. I figured I could use the time walking to consider more face saving ideas about staying out of the women’s way while we were on the ship. By the time I got home I was beat. After dinner I went straight to my room and fell asleep with the TV on.

*****

“Michael. Are you still sleeping?”

“Huh? What time is it?” I asked as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

“It’s after seven,” said my mother impatiently. “Get out of bed and get a move on or you’ll make us all late,” she said as she crossed my room and yanked some underwear and socks from my drawer and threw them at me.

She opened the wardrobe and removed a plain white shirt, hanging it on the door as she closed it. “Get a shower and shave and then wear these and get a move on. Avril will be here in about ten minutes, she said as she left the room.

I scooted out of bed, grabbed my things and made my way the bathroom. Ten minutes later, I was showered and shaved, back in my room, drying my hair that was now getting a bit too long. As much as I hated the idea of cutting it, I knew it would be in my best interest to get a trim once we got settled on the ship.

I dressed in the clothes mom had laid out for me. As I looked around the room, I didn’t see my suitcases. I figured mom must have packed them already. I was mildly annoyed because I’d planned on sticking in some last minute items. What the hell, I thought as I pulled the gym bag from my closet. I’ll just use this.

I grabbed my portable CD player, chose some CD’s and grabbed four books from my bookcase to keep me occupied onboard and on the trip down. I was about to drop them in the bag when I saw the half pack of Berkley’s I’d hidden inside. My penis stiffened as I stared at them.

I began to think of the gym bag as a purse of sorts. Fantasies of smoking with mom and Mrs. Watson flew through my head. Just sharing a smoke with the other ladies, I thought as I rubbed my stiff cock through my shorts.

I thought of the time and pushed the thought from my mind. The last thing I needed this morning was a hard-on and no time to take care of it. I put my things in the bag, being careful not to crush the pack, as I thought it might be nice to steal away for a smoke or two while we were on the ship. After pulling on my trainers, I closed the bag and left my room.

When I got down stairs, I found that Mrs. Watson had already arrived. I said good morning to her and looked for the coffee.

“Good morning to you too Michael,” she said. “I was thinking that since we’ll be spending the next ten days on holiday together, it might be more comfortable if you called me by my first name, so from now on it’s Avril ok” she said as she picked up her cigarettes, removing one from the pack.

She purposely paused before lighting it, taking the time to smile seductively as she held the cigarette between her lips. Fuck the bitch, I thought. She’s teasing me already and we’re not even in the car!

She exhaled stunningly and asked if I would mind taking the cases to the car while she made me some toast.

“No problem,” I said as I took my sports-bag with me and left the kitchen. Dad was in the living room reading the morning paper as I walked in. We wished each other a good morning and he asked if I was looking forward to my holiday.

“Yeah, but I wish you were coming with us.”

“Yeah so do I, but you’ll have fun.”

“How’s the case,” I asked?

“Can’t say much, but we got a good lead last night. Hopefully it will turn into something.”

I told him that would be good as I slung the sports-bag over my shoulder and picked up two of the cases.

“Let me help you with those,” he said as he got out of his chair. I waited as he positioned two cases under his armpits and picked up two more in each of his hands.

“Jesus! Why do women pack so much?” he asked, groaning under the weight of the four cases. “It’s not as if they’ll wear it all,” he complained as we stepped outside the house.

I agreed with him as we walked down the path to the drive. I set down my load and opened the car so he could pack his inside. After packing mine, I slung my sports-bag in the back seat and we headed back to the house.

In the kitchen, Mom had coffee and toast ready as Dad followed me inside.

“Look,” said Dad. “I need to go to work, but you all enjoy your selves,” he said as he hugged me and walked over to mom.

The atmosphere was still a bit tense between them as he kissed her on the lips, not a deep kiss but just enough before he backed away.

“Now remember, enjoy your selves and I’ll call you later,” he said towards Mom.

“Yeah ok, you take care, and I hope today goes well,” she said.

He nodded and kissed her on the cheek again before heading out the door. Ten minutes later, with my toast and coffee finished, the three of us climbed into the car and started our trip to Southampton.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We had been in the car for five minutes or so when Avril asked my mom it was okay for them to smoke in the car. Mom said it was and asked Avril to light one for her as well. I watched from the back seat as Avril removed two slender brown cigarettes from her pack of Mores and lit them both one at a time, handing the first to my mother.

My penis twitched under my pants as the front seat filled with the smoke from their exhales. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen my mother smoke a More, but it was exciting nonetheless. I fought the urge to wank off as I watched the two of them smoking. What the fuck, I thought. I’m going to do myself an injury if they keep this up for the next ten days. Keep what up? They’re women. They’re smokers. Are they doing this to me or am I doing it to myself? Avril spoke up as I was mentally debating my penis about the fetish that consumed me.

“Are you ok back there,” asked Avril?

“Eh,eh, yeah fine,” I stammered as I snapped out of my trance. I could swear the bitch winked at me as she took a draw from her cigarette and rolled down the window to let the smoke out.

I opened my sports bag and looked inside. The pack of Berkleys mocked me so I did my best to ignore them.

“I’m just going to listen to some music,” I said as I removed the CD player from my bag and plugged the phones into my ears.

“Ok dear,” said mom as she exhaled a cloud of smoke and rolled down her window and went back to concentrating on both her driving and a conversation about nothing with Avril.

I closed my eyes and flipped the on switch on the player. The familiar sound of Meat Loaf permeated my eardrums. At least with my eyes closed, I wouldn’t have to watch them smoking and my cock could get could get a rest.

Four hours and three CDs later, I was looking out the window, admiring the passing landscape, when mom slowed the car and took an exit ramp. I could see the fuel gauge on the dashboard and knew we weren’t seriously low. Either mom was hungry or she needed a pee break. She took a right at the stop sign and pulled into a Little Chef diner. Petrol and food, I thought. She’s killing three birds with one stone.

An array of large transport Lorries was parked in the lot as we slowed to a stop. Mom and Avril unbuckled themselves in a hurry and were out of the car while I took my time putting the CD player back in my bag. The pack of Berkleys beckoned to me. I hesitantly reached for them. Could I? Yeah, why not? I covered the pack and lighter with my hand and removed them ever so slyly. I pushed the lighter into my pocket and covered the pack with the front tail of my shirt and hand.

Once out of the car and on my feet, I pulled at my waistband, allowing the pack to fall down and nestle in front of my groin. Not particularly hygienic I thought, but safer than having them protrude from my pocket. I lifted and my arms and stretched before following Mom and Avril into the diner.

Avril pointed to an empty table. We took it and picked up the menus. She beat Mom to the punch by announcing that lunch was on her. She asked me what I wanted.

“Eh can I have a cheese and ham toastie,” I asked?

“What’s wrong dear,” asked Avril? “Are you looking after your figure?” she asked with a taunting smile.

I tried to appear unfazed. I didn’t need mom picking up on her hints.

“You know,” said my mother, as she laid down her menu. “We won’t board the ship until after ten, so you might want to eat a little more.”

“Okay then, I’ll have two toasties and a Coke.” I said raising my voice slightly, a mistake, as I caught mom flashing a glare at me, you know the kind that says behave or else.

Avril nodded and listened to what my mom had to say before getting up from the booth and placing and paying for our orders at the counter. Several minutes later, she returned with our orders on one tray.

Having only ordered two toasties and the small amount of veg that accompanied them, I was finished much sooner than the others. I drained the last of my Coke and got up, saying I needed to visit the bathroom and stretch my legs.

“Don’t get lost,” said Mom pointing her knife at me as I stood. “Once were finished here, I just need to get some petrol then we are back on the road.”

I nodded and slipped out of the restaurant into the hot sunny daylight. Glancing around, I noticed a couple large shade trees beside the diner. I hurried over to them while slipping the pack of Berkleys from my shorts.

Taking one from the pack, I lit it up and exhaled the cool menthol flavour into the air. The fact that I needed to smoke a bit more recently as Michael disturbed me a bit, but I tried to rationalize it as being due to the stress that had built up over the trip. After all, I was on holiday with the only two people who had ever seen me as Tracey, one of whom seemed determined to not let me forget it. That’s a pretty good excuse to need to smoke, I thought as I took a hurried puff.

I watched as Mom and Avril emerged from the diner. I could see them but they couldn’t see me. At least I hoped they couldn’t see me. I watched as they both lit up. How I wished I was over there with them. The ban on smoking inside had changed the way smokers operated. They took on the role of lepers, heading for the safety of the outdoors while the others stayed behind inside.

Instead of grumbling about it like my mom, I chose to look on the brighter side. While walking around town at night, the ban afforded me a lot of sights that I might otherwise have missed.

Before the ban, I would have had to walk inside a pub and buy a drink just to get a glimpse of a nice young girl sexily feeding her addiction. Now they were outside in plain view, saving me my money and the pain that followed from having too much to drink. I liked a drink or two, but my tolerance for alcohol was low.

I looked over at Mom and Avril as they smoked, wishing once more I could be with them, dressed as Tracey, standing there as a burly trucker walked by, checking out our legs. Perhaps a man or two would try to offend us with a wolf whistle as we walked back to our car as our heels clicked against the tarmac. Now where did all that come from, I thought? Sometimes I worry about my brain, but then again, maybe it’s just telling me something I already knew about who I already am.

Dropping my cigarette, I crushed it out with my shoe while using one of the passing trucks as cover. I scampered across the parking lot to the toilet and attended to the business of emptying my bladder and hiding the cigarettes in my shorts. I emerged from the bathroom as Mom and Avril were crushing out their cigarettes in a sand bucket. I couldn’t help but notice the differing shades of lipstick on the discarded cigarette ends as I walked by.

“Time we were on the road again,” said mom as we made our way back to the car.

The remainder of our journey passed quietly. We made it to Southhampton just before nine o’clock. Avril spotted the sign for the seaport. It wasn’t long after that when the water made its appearance. We drove parallel to the docks, looking at the freighters and the cranes. And then we saw some ships that looked like floating Christmas trees. Almost here, I thought.

Getting on a ship isn’t as simple as parking the car and running up the ramp. But with a little effort and a lot of confusion, we eventually found ourselves at the ticket window with our luggage. I was standing next to Avril while mom dickered with a woman behind some glass over our boarding passes.

“This is it,” said Avril. “Just you and us now,” she said in a slightly mocking tone as she lit a cigarette.

“Yeah, looking forward to it,” I said, trying to sound brave in the light of my situation. Soon afterwards, I was wheeling the trolley with our luggage along a gangway, heading for check in.

We made our way through the lines and check-in points, emerging into something that can only be described as something like a terminal. We scanned the posted signs, looking for clues as to where our rooms would be found. I saw the sign for cabins 100 — 140 and pointed it out.

After making our way down a flight of ramps, we found ourselves in a hall of cabins. I followed them down the hall with the trolley until Mom and Avril stopped in front of room 133.

“Here we are,” Mom said. “Ok Michael. You’ll be in this room. Avril and I will be across from you in 134. Sorry, but we get the sea view.”

“Fine by me,” I said as I surveyed the two doors standing directly across from one another.

Mom opened the door to her room and I followed them inside with the trolley. They picked out their luggage leaving me with the remaining cases, which were mine by process of elimination.

“Here’s your key,” said Mom as she handed it to me. “Avril and I are going out for a drink. Care to tag along?”

“Thanks for asking, but no. I think I’ll just call it a night so I’ll be fresh for the morning,” I said, putting Operation Hidealot into first gear. I said goodnight to them and went across the hall to my room, letting myself in with my cases, leaving the trolley in the hallway.

“Suit yourself,” said Mom, “but if you change your mind, we’ll be in the LookOut Bar,” she said as she closed the door behind her.

I stowed my cases in the small closet, deciding to wait until morning to unpack. I took a look around the cabin. It was small and rather claustrophobic. I began to think of it as my prison. All the more reason to find some places on deck and on shore to hide out, I thought as I flicked on the satellite TV and sat down on the cot.

As luck would have it, I was in time to see the evening news. I wondered if they’d report on the happenings with my Dad’s case. Probably not, since we were 400 miles away, and the events from our little Scottish town would hardly be newsworthy this far south of the border. But I was wrong.

Surprisingly there was something, even though it was just a short snip. The reporter said something about the police making a breakthrough in the case of two missing women. Good, I thought, hoping they’d turn up safe.

The unmistakeable sound of a door opening and my mother’s and Avril’s voices in the hall encroached. They were on their way to LookOut bar, and if I gave them a ten or fifteen minute head start, I could sneak up on a deck and have a ciggie.

Paranoia set in and I gave it an additional ten more minutes in front of the TV before removing my cigarettes from the gym bag and locking the door behind me. I didn’t actually lock it because the door locks it self, but I did give it a push and a shove just to make sure.

I followed the posted signs on the wall until I found myself standing on the deck facing the sea. The LookOut bar was upstairs from where I was. I could just make out my Mom and Avril sitting at a table with their glasses in front of them. I sneaked round the corner and walked past the pool. It was quiet and deserted. I passed by a few excited passengers lucky enough to have cabins with deck entrances. I imagined they paid a pretty penny for the privilege.

I walked to the barrier rail and looked overboard into the still black water as I reached for my ciggies and lit one. I sadly noticed that there were only four left in the pack. I hated the thought of having to go through the hassle of buying more, but the alternative would be even more painful. I decided to put off the deed until morning, choosing to enjoy the remainder of my cigarette with as little negative thinking as possible. Starting tomorrow, I’d have the rest of the voyage to hone my laying low skills.

Back in the cabin, I striped down and climbed under the covers. All in all, the day had gone better than I had anticipated. Maybe tomorrow would go just as well. I closed my eyes and tried not to think of Avril and her twisted tongue. It worked. Sleep soon overtook me. My dreams were peaceful.

She removed a strip from a box and smoothed it against my leg. So this is waxing? I prepared myself for the pain that was sure to follow. I might as well have prepared myself for two tigers to rip me apart. I can’t describe the pain that shot through me as she pulled the strip from my leg. I winced. My eyes watered, but I refused to scream like a girl. Like a girl? Who am I trying to kid? How many men do this?

Being Me - Part 2
The Cruise — Voyage of Discovery
by
Karin Roberts

 

---

Cruise Diary — Day 1

I woke up early to the sound of a low hum, most probably the ship’s engines. I stayed in bed for the first ten minutes of my morning watching the TV and looking for news about my dad’s case. Finding nothing of interest, I got out of bed and took a shower.

The warm water felt nice as I lathered up with the complimentary shampoo. As my hands worked their way across my body, I thought about shaving. The stubble on my knees and under my arms was a little annoying. What was worse, I wondered? Having Avril make fun of my stubbly legs or my smooth legs? Which would draw less attention? I decided against it. After all, it was not as if Tracey was going to put in an appearance soon, was it?

I pulled the cases out of the closet and lugged them over to the bed. Might as well unpack and get dressed. I unlocked the first case and flicked the catch. The lid opened and I looked inside for one of the t-shirts mom had ironed for me.

What the hell? This isn’t right! I thought as I looked inside the case. Oh great! I would have ignored it if I could. No sense in giving Avril more ammunition. She was probably the one who gave me the wrong case on purpose. Or maybe it was an accident? The thought of Avril trying to look sexy in my wardrobe of gym shorts and tee-shirts brought a smile to my face. I reasoned that my misfortune was hers as well. Best to get it straightened out now. No sense in being paranoid. I threw on yesterday’s clothes, took my key and ventured out into the hall.

“Mom! You awake, and decent?” I called as I knocked on the door.

Mom opened the door and I stepped inside.

“Good morning,” she said cheerfully.

“Good morning to you too.” I looked over at Avril who was sitting in the corner chair with a newspaper. “Morning Avril.”

She put the paper down in her lap and asked me if I had slept well. I told her I had and I asked if she’d had a chance to unpack yet.

Avril smiled, her dressing gown flapping open a bit giving me a view of her generous cleavage. I stared, then came to my senses. I was in enough trouble as it was. My head snapped back round to look at Mom.

Noticing the tenseness in my voice, mom asked me if anything was wrong.

Damn right! Something is wrong! I thought as I saw Avril’s clothes hanging beside my mother’s in the closet. Maybe she hasn’t unpacked her other cases? Maybe I should have looked inside my second case before putting on my old clothes?

“It’s my luggage.” I said. “I think my cases got messed up with Avril’s. At least I hope they got messed up.” I laughed nervously.

Avril shot me a confused look that said she had no idea of what I was ranting on.

“What do you mean?” asked my mother. “Is something wrong with your luggage? I packed it myself.”

“Well yeah, something’s wrong. Come and see.” I took her hand and dragged her out into the hall towards my cabin.

I opened the door and led her inside, pointing at the open case.

“See?” I exclaimed, pointing at the suitcase with an accusing finger. “Our suitcases must have gotten mixed up!”

“No,” my mother calmly stated as she examined the tag on the case. “This one has your name on it. I’ve got my cases. Avril has hers and these are yours.”

“But Mom! Can’t you see? There are girls clothes in here!”

“That’s right.”

“Very funny,” I fumed.

“These are your clothes honey,” said Mom. “I picked them out for you myself. What did you think I was doing all those days when I was out? Did you really think I was shopping for myself?”

“Please Mom! This isn’t funny anymore. Can I have my real clothes back now?”

“It’s not supposed to be funny darling,” said my mom calmly. “It’s supposed to be fun! Didn’t you tell me you wanted to spend some time with me as Tracey?”

I hung my head without answering her.

“Well, this is your chance,” she said gleefully.

My throat seized and my heart palpitated. “But Mom… I can’t do this today. Just let me have my own clothes back and I’ll think about doing it tomorrow or something. Okay?”

Of course I had no intention of dressing as Tracey in front of my mom or Avril tomorrow or any other day. But at this moment, making idle promises seemed like the best way to get my old clothes back.

“Oh sweetie,” said Mom. “You’re probably right. I should have packed some of your old clothes too, but I didn’t. I guess I wasn’t thinking. This is all I brought for you, so you might as well get dressed and make the best of it.”

“What about Avril” I asked.

“What about her?”

“Don’t you think she might think it a bit strange to see me dressed up as a girl?” I took a deep breath and exhaled, hoping she’d see the light.

Mom laughed as if I’d said something ludicrous. “Honey, those aren’t girl’s clothes. Those are women’s clothes, the same kind that Avril and I wear. And no, Avril won’t think it’s strange. I think she’s going to enjoy having a third woman on our cruise.” She batted at my arm playfully. “Two women and a little boy are a chore, but three women? Now that’s a party!”

It dawned on me that my mother wasn’t going to listen to logic. I wiped the tears from my eyes and begged her for mercy.

“I’m sorry Michael, but it’s not as if you have a choice. It’s this or nothing and I can promise you right now that it’s not going to be nothing. This is it for the next ten days. I’ll give you fifteen minutes to think about it and then I’ll come back over.”

I stood and watched her leave, closing the door behind her. I sat down on the bed and held my head between my hands. Everything on me was throbbing: my head, my pulse, even my cock. Oh shit! I thought. Not now. I wasn’t turned on. I was scared out of my mind. Of course there was a way out of this. I just didn’t know what it was, but there’s always a way out. Isn’t there? No. Not really. It wasn’t like I had enough money to buy my own clothes.

I pulled the other case towards me, but I already knew that it probably contained more of the same. I flipped the catch and held my breath as I eased it up and looked inside. Blood rushed to my head I began to feel faint. There, in all its glory, lay the beautiful red dress I had bought from Barnardos. Yeah, that’s right! The one and only magnificent red dress, the one that was supposed to be safely stashed in a box inside a cupboard in my room many miles from where I sat now. I leaned into my hands and cried for myself.

I was sunk- torpedoed below the waterline with no chance of escape. Surely all my little secrets had been shared now. I half thought about leaving the room at that point and finding the nearest lifeboat. Why yes! I’d throw it over the side and row back to the mainland! I’m not joking! I gave it a thought and might have tried it if I knew what direction to row. It’s not like I’m a sailor. I’m not a rower either. My arms are like spindles. I uncovered my face and looked back inside the case.

Well, would you look at that! Who would have thought? More female garments awaited me under the dress. How bad will it get? She packed me a swimsuit. At least it’s not a bikini, I thought as I looked at the shoes and cosmetics. What’s this? Two sealed boxes wrapped in brown paper stared up at me. Written on each tag was the greeting, “To Tracey, love Mom.”

This isn’t my fault. It’s not as if I have a choice. It was then that I realized I was powerless over the situation at hand. Ironically, I found solace and strength in the idea of being powerless. What else can I do, I thought, as I looked at the clothes in the case?

I took a deep breath and held it in. How much time had gone by? Surely, the time of my judgment was close at hand. I spent the next several minutes convincing myself that there was nothing I could do to make the situation go away. I could still hide from Mom and Avril, but I’d have to hide in these clothes, as a woman. Or…I wouldn’t hide. I’d wear the clothes and keep my pride. A stiff upper lip, I thought. A stiff upper lip covered with lipstick. Oh shit!

The door rattled under the pressure of small knuckles.

“Tracey. It’s me, your mother. Can I come in?”

The door opened and she stepped inside.

“Well what’s it to be?”

“Is that really a question?” I asked.

“Beg your pardon?”

“A question. You asked me what’s its going to be. You made it sound as if I have a choice. Well do I?”

“That depends,” said Mom. “If you’re talking about whether or not you have a choice in regard to the clothes you’ll wear on this trip, then the answer is no. You don’t have a choice. The only choice you have is to decide on whether or not you’ll have a good time.”

I searched her expression for a faint chink of compassion. Come on Mom! Say it! Say it’s a joke. Tell me that Avril put you up to it. Tell me this is a joke and the joke is on me. We’ll have a good laugh and then you can give me back my real clothes. Why isn’t she smiling?

Mom shrugged. “Are you still debating on whether or not to have a good time?”

“I suppose I’ll have to wear the clothes as you’ve left me no other choice. But it doesn’t mean I’ll have a good time doing it,” I said as I cast my eyes toward the two open cases. I stood there quietly; looking at the red dress but not daring to ask how it had found its way into my case.

Having won the first battle, Mom placed her hands on her hips and grinned. “Good choice. Oh, by the way, you will have a good time! Now if we hurry and I help you get dressed, we can make your salon appointment.”

Salon appointment? My mouth opened wide! I hadn’t thought the day could get much worse but it suddenly had!

Less than sixty minutes later, I stood in front of my mirror dressed as Tracey. Understandably, some of you might remember the two mysterious brown paper packages. They’re still a mystery, but I can tell you about them. How in the hell someone made those things look so real is beyond me! The first package contained a realistic set of silicone breast forms. I know what you’re thinking, but seeing is believing! The goddamn things are covered with pores, just like real skin. We’re talking nipples and areoles too! The bloody things freaked me out when Mom glued them to me. And the other package, what was in it? I damn near screamed when I opened it! Can you say vagina? Not that I’ve seen many fake vaginas before, for that matter I’ve not seen many real ones either, but this thing has a tube for my penis. I can sit down and piss like a woman with it on. Who the hell knows what else it can do?

I asked where they had come from and Mom explained that she had done a little research on my PC using the sites I often visited in addition to a couple new ones she had found on her own. Mothers are so resourceful, I thought as I came to terms with the idea of all my dirty little secrets being uncovered. She didn’t refer to the sites by name, but I had a good idea of the ones she had seen. Let’s see… there’s Transvestite Damsels in Ropes. I’m sure she had to come across Gagged TVs. In case you’re wondering, it’s not a website about censored television. I sighed and blushed as I thought of Mom browsing through Smoking T-Girls and Smoking Blow Jobs dot com. Highly embarrassing! I thought to myself as I checked my backside in the mirror.

In the past, I’d taken great pride in my ability to make the most of my inner girl. However, Mom’s coaching had taken me to a new level. I’d never used hair straighteners before, but Mom had. I was in awe. Her philosophy concerning make-up is that less is more. She’s right. The secret to looking good is in the application rather than the amount used.

I was dressed in a tight little pair of white shorts that clung to my bum and showed off my newly created female V at the front. A wide white belt, angled across my hips, accentuated my curves. The shorts could have gone well with any top, but I thought they looked especially smart with shiny silver top that Mom chose for me. Not that I’m into name brands or anything, but it was made by Elle and identified with gold lettering for the fashion illiterate. It hung in place with spaghetti straps. The fabric was such that it gave, allowing for a hint of my nipples. That’s how real the breast forms looked. Anything less would have looked like rubber baby buggy bumpers.

My legs, though quite shapely, were a little pale, but Mom said a day in the sun would take care of it. My feet were adorned in shiny silver sandals that matched my top. Mom handed me a white narrow shoulder bag. She seemed pleased by the look she had created.

She opened the cabin door and held it for me. I took a deep breath and stepped into the hall. Mom closed my door behind us and opened the door to her room and ushered me inside.

Avril and I saw each other at the same time. She was sitting on the bed, dressed in pink shorts with a white top. Her generous cleavage rolled as she looked up.

“My, my, what do we have here?” she winked at me.

Bitch! I thought with a sniff. She’d seen me dressed before, not that I was about to declare it, but then again, did I honestly think she’d kept our secret to herself? Who the hell cares now anyway?

“I’m impressed Anne,” said Avril. “You’ve done a spectacular job! No one would ever guess! I can’t wait to see what the girls at the salon do for him!” She covered her mouth in mock shame. “Oh, I’m sorry. I meant ‘her’.”

I could grow to hate this woman. I thought as I stood in the room like some sort of shop mannequin.

“Okay ladies, we better scoot.” Mom mentioned as she picked up her bag.

We stepped out into the hall and Mom locked the door behind us. The two of them started toward the stairs and I fell in behind them, my heart pumping wildly. A door opened off to my left, causing me to jump out of my skin! It was an elderly couple exiting their room.

The older couple wished us a good morning. Mom and Avril returned the sentiment. I mumbled something similar, being most careful not to make eye contact.

We walked up the stairs and emerged onto the sunlit deck. People were everywhere. It wasn’t as if we were shoulder to shoulder but it was still too many people for my liking. I gasped for breath as I followed behind Mom and Avril. Was I hyperventilating? I hoped so! On second thought… passing out on deck wasn’t a good idea. That would just draw more unwanted attention. I mean picture the scene I keel over the ship’s doctor is summoned, “It’s ok she’s just fainted” he loosens my clothing “Eh well no it would appear he’s just fainted” Anyone old enough remember the Elizabeth Taylor film “National Velvet,” well this would be just the same only in reverse and it would be happening to me on my first day on this damn boat! Get a grip! I thought.

We walked and we walked past the people. How many kilometers? How many hours? Or had it been years? I’m dying of old age! I thought as I kept pace. Get me out of here.

To keep from looking directly at the people, I focused on a newsagent’s stand. As we got closer, I could make out the titles of the magazines. I saw post cards and cute little gifts. Mom and Avril stopped walking and I threw on the breaks. We’re here! I thought as Mom opened the door. I followed them inside.

Two girls looked up as we entered. They greeted us in unison. They called us ladies and wished us good morning. Oh yes, thank you! It is a good morning! I’m dressed as a woman. Let me out of here! The girls at the desk asked if they could help us.

Mom smiled. The girls smiled back at her. I fought the urge to vomit.

“I’m Anne McWilliams and this is my daughter Tracey,” she said as she placed a hand on my shoulder. “And this is my friend Avril. I phoned ahead a couple of days ago and booked us for this morning.”

My mother’s words sunk in. Days ago? I thought. She made me an appointment days ago? I’d been set up - big time! I watched one of the girls as she leafed through the appointment book.

“Oh yes, Mrs. McWilliams, I remember.” she grinned as she walked around the counter to meet us.

“If you’ll just give me your bags,” she said as she held out her hand.

Mom handed the girl her bag and I did the same with my shaking hand. The other girl joined us.

The second girl explained that Avril should take a seat and they’d work on Mom and me first. She showed us to two chairs and had us sit down

“I’m Carla,” she said as she looked down on me. “I’ll be carrying out your treatments today.”

Treatments? What is she going to do? Treat me for mental illness?

“Ok,” I mumbled.

She pulled an apron over my top and tied it around my neck. She told me to relax. “Make yourself comfortable, because we’re going to be a while,” she said.

“Well if it’s too much, I come back when you’re not busy?” I offered.

Carla answered me with a laugh. I suppose she thought I was joking.

Carla released my ponytail from the scrunchy and fluffed out my hair. She asked me to lean back and then she began to wash my hair with a hot soapy substance sprayed from a nozzle attached to silver taps. Once she finished washing my hair, I sat up straight. As she fumbled around behind me, I heard her unscrew a lid off of something. I watched in the mirror as she poured some grungy looking liquid into her hands. She put the bottle on the counter and returned her hands to my head. She worked her fingers and the mixture into my scalp. It didn’t smell very nice but I did enjoy the massage.

“We’ll just let that work wonders for a few minutes,” she said as she led me from the chair to a table.

She told me to climb up on top of it and I followed her orders like a sheepdog.

I began to wonder if I was in a hair salon or a surgeon’s operating room as she flipped a switch on an implement and scooped some gooey stuff from a jar and placed it in a bowl. She placed the bowl onto something that could only be a heater.

She picked up a box from the cabinet beside us. “This might hurt a bit,” she said.

I grunted, having no reason to doubt her. I had a fair idea about what was going to happen, but protesting would have been useless. I’ll just take it like a man. I thought, as she painted some liquid on my leg. Like a man? What a joke!

She removed a strip from a box and smoothed it against my leg. So this is waxing? I prepared myself for the pain that was sure to follow. I might as well have prepared myself for two tigers to rip me apart. I can’t describe the pain that shot through me as she pulled the strip from my leg. I winced. My eyes watered, but I refused to scream like a girl. Like a girl? Who am I trying to kid? How many men do this?

Several strips and tears later, she rolled me over onto my stomach. Not my back! Please don’t do my back, I pleaded telepathically. Tears dripped down my nose as Carla pulled the strips from my back.

I looked sideways over at Mom. It appeared as if she was getting the same type of torture, but not quite. The girl working on Mom seemed to be working between her legs. There was a towel covering my mother’s lap. Is she really getting her groin waxed? Oh My God! She is!

Mom turned her head and winced as the girl removed a strip. She’s really doing it I thought as I felt a stirring in my groin area. For God’s sake, not now, not here, I thought.

“Ow!” I yelled.

“Oh sorry,” said Carla.

The pressure in my penis was chased away by the pain. My next bout of torture had begun.

Soon, but not soon enough for me, I stood up. Surprisingly, my legs supported my weight. Apparently leg muscles aren’t attached to leg hairs. Carla led me across the floor and sat me down again. She put some cream on her hands and began rubbing it into my legs. Its cold I thought. It feels good. The stinging began to fade.

Carla resumed working on my hair- the hair on my head. She then unwrapped the towel from around my head. I felt her fingers working out the tangles as she rinsed it. After a towel drying and another tangle check, she took out a pair of scissors and started cutting. Okay, I need a haircut I thought, but what kind? I’m going to have to live with it for a while. Surely it won’t be too extreme. After all, Mom knows I have to go home after this. She knew the difference between having a little fun with me and ruining my life. I took comfort in that thought and relaxed in the chair while Carla did her thing.

Carla worked quickly. Even though I didn’t have the benefit of a mirror, I knew she couldn’t have done serious damage in the little time she took at cutting. She laid the scissors down and led me to a chair with a dryer positioned over it. Once I was seated under it, she turned it on and I felt warm air circulating around my head.

I looked at her as she spoke. What was she saying? I couldn’t hear her. The dryer was too loud. She pulled up a chair and sat down beside me. She reached for my lap and picked up one of my hands. Okay, she’s filing my nails. This won’t be so bad. It’s not like I don’t need it.

As she was doing my cuticles, I saw her lips move. Although I couldn’t hear well, I still caught a few words. I think she said something about French and tips. Tips? Seeing as how I hadn’t brought any money, I figured Mom would be taking care of the tip. Not knowing how else to reply, I nodded my head.

I was in some sort of dream world by then I just nodded and let her get on with it, I mean it’s not as if I had any say about it, the menu had been set by Mom so let’s just get it over with I thought. She began to work on the nails again more stuff being taken from a little trolley by her side. I closed my eyes might as well relax I thought.

There is something very relaxing about having a woman work on your hands. I don’t think I went to sleep but I did kind of doze off. Maybe that’s the same thing. Regardless, when I came too, Carla had removed the hair dryer. I could hear people talking again. My eyes were a bit out of focus as I looked down at my hands.

“Eh what?” I asked as my eyes adjusting to the sight. Yeah those are my fingers I thought as I flexed them. They’re attached to my hands. So pretty, but…not on me!

Carla spoke. This time I heard her. “French tips,” she said. “They look beautiful on you.”

“Yes,” I said. Fuck! This is getting way too permanent! I looked around the salon for Mom and Avril. I didn’t see them. Where are they? This isn’t funny! I’m not laughing. I was sure my mother didn’t mean for this to happen.

Carla’s breasts dangled in front of my eyes as she pushed the hair away from my ears. She doused a cotton ball with alcohol and wiped it against my lobes. Maybe it wasn’t alcohol. It felt cold, almost numbing. Surely she wasn’t about to do what I thought she was about to do.

I winced as I felt a sharp stab in my right lobe.

“Ouch!”

I heard another click. The sound was followed by more pain in the same ear. Oh my God, I thought. She just put two holes in my ear- a double piercing. She did it so quickly. There hadn’t been time to react. I was still thinking about it while the same thing happened to the other ear. I counted the clicks and the ouches. Four holes? Oh my God!

My eyes watered as Carla fitted four gold studs into my new holes.

“Just leave them in for a day or so before you start using ordinary earrings. Okay,” asked Carla?

“Okay,” I said in a confused state. What was I going to do? Argue with her?

My confusion turned into a state of shock as Carla went to work on my eyebrows. I told myself it really wasn’t happening. For all I knew, I wasn’t even on a cruise ship or in a salon. I was back at home in my bed. This isn’t real! I suffered through the torment of having the hairs from my brow plucked one by one.

Convinced that it wasn’t really happening, I coaxed myself into making the best of it until I woke up. I wonder what I look like in my dream. I tried to dream up a mirror to look in but couldn’t make it happen.

With that out of the way, Carla gave me a head massage. Now this is the works, I thought. It wasn’t long before Carla’s trained fingers put the pain of the past far behind me. I closed my eyes and began to doze.

“Almost done,” said Carla. “I’ll just re-do your make up a bit.”

Still groggy from the head massage, I grunted my permission… as if she needed it.

I heard the bell on the door ring and looked up to see Mom and Avril coming inside. The woman at the front desk escorted them back to me. They stood in front of me as Carla rubbed soft brushes against my cheeks and over my eyes. I saw Mom and Avril both looking at me with smiles on their faces. Were they laughing? Did they think this was funny? What do they see? What do I look like? I imagined Carla painting me up to look as a clown. My dream had turned into a nightmare.

Carla removed the cap of what she said was a pinky shade of lipstick. Avril grinned as Carla ran it against my lips. All I could think about was how I would make it back to my room without too many people seeing me. I thought about what I say if someone confronted me. I’m a clown! I’m dressed for a show. I’m part of the ship’s entertainment.

Carla put a tissue in my hand and told me to blot my lips. I’d done it before and did what she asked me of me without asking how or why.

“All done,” said Carla to my mother. “So what do you think about your daughter?”

“I think she looks beautiful,” said Mom.

“Yes, very good,” said Avril.

Dream or not, I was desperate to see what Carla had done to me. Against all odds, I hoped for something nice as Carla took me by the hand and led me to a mirror.

Mom came up behind me and covered my eyes with her hands. “Not yet,” she said.

My mom stopped walking. I stopped. She still had her hands in front of my eyes. “Are you ready to look,” she asked?

I nodded my head from behind her hands as I considered the sweet sound of her voice. She didn’t sound like a woman leading her son to death. There had been no cruelty in her voice. Her hands fell away from my face.

I looked. I gasped. My hands flew up to my face. I saw my mom in the mirror. I saw Avril and Carla. But where was I?

“Is that me?”

“Yes Honey,” said my mother. “That’s you,” she said as she squeezed my shoulder lovingly. “What do you think?”

What do I think? I gasped again at my reflection. If what I was seeing was real, and Mom said it was, then I didn’t know what to think. Or maybe I did, and it was good. But how do you say it?

“Oh my God, Mom! I can’t believe that’s me. I look like a woman, don’t I?” I asked as I pinched a lock of long hair between my fingers. “But how did they do it? My hair! It’s long. How did she do it?”

“They’re called extensions,” said Mom calmly, “Do you like them? What about the colour? I think it looks good on you.”

I nodded unable to speak, that can’t be me in there, my hair had been coloured a brighter blonde, it had been layered and shaped some longer stands combed from the right hand side fell over my face it seemed to have been lengthened somehow at the back as it fell and tickled my back.

“Is it some kind of wig,” I asked? “Will I have to take it off before I go to bed?”

Mom laughed and said quietly into my ear “No dear, extensions aren’t a wig,” “It’s like real hair tied to your real hair. You can’t take them off. Why? Do you want to take them off?”

I shook my head no. “But what if I want to take a shower?”

“Then take a shower,” said Mom. “Do anything you’d normally do. It’s just hair and it’s your hair.”

I was thrilled and I was happy, but I was also scared and Mom could tell.

“Don’t worry honey. We can take them out before we go home.”

“Okay,” I said. Her answer relieved me but left me somewhat disappointed.

“I’m really impressed,” said Avril with a smile, as she took a step up to get a closer look.

“Okay girls. Let’s get lunch,” said Mom.

I picked up my purse and played with it while looking at the mirror as Mom and Avril paid for our salon visit.

I felt nothing less than beautiful as I strolled along the deck beside Mom and Avril on our way to the “Crow’s Nest” restaurant.

After we were seated, Mom and Avril opened their bags and took out their cigarettes. My eyes inhaled them as they lit up. They were both such dignified and sophisticated smokers. The right side of my brain realized they were both hopeless nicotine addicts, succumbing to their needs- getting their fixes. The left side of my brain saw it differently. They made it look so glamorous and ladylike. I envied their bad habit and admired the way they made it look so acceptable.

I was staring, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted my cake and eat it too, even though I knew it would never be possible. The salon appointment had been an incredible experience. Being with these two beautiful women as a beautiful woman was utterly amazing. It was the thrill of a lifetime. But cross dressing, while seriously taboo and exciting, isn’t bad for your health. Smoking is.

Mom looked at me as she exhaled. I could see the love and pride in her eyes as she admired me as her well dressed, good looking daughter, as temporary as it might be. For the next several days, it was clear to both of us that I would be the daughter she never had. I would dress like her and talk like her and shop like her and eat like her, but I would never be allowed to smoke like her. After all, I was still her child. Who knows, I mean a few hours ago I was Michael a closet cross dresser and now look at me sitting in a restaurant outdoors as part of a trio of lovely women.

I understood her feelings and I respected them. The thought of asking her for a cigarette never seriously crossed my mind. I was still going to smoke, but I would wait until I was alone. The idea of smoking like a woman, even if I had to hide to do it, turned me on. I struggled with that thought all through our meal.

We ordered a light lunch and Avril once more took a dig at me about watching my figure. When was this woman going to give up, I wondered? I might be Tracey for real now, but staying out of Mom and Avril’s way as much as possible was still very much a part of my plan.

After lunch, Avril suggested we work on our tans out on the sundeck. Mom thought it was a good idea, but I tried to beg off.

“Eh Mom, do you mind If I miss out? I want to call Dad and catch a nap before dinner. All this business has kind of tired me out a bit. Would you mind,” I asked?

Mom seemed hurt that I didn’t want to join her and Avril, but she said it would be okay. She reminded me that dinner was at 7:30. She said she’d knock on my door when it was time to leave.

As I got up to leave, she reminded me to dress smartly for dinner. No problem. I thought to myself. I was actually looking forward to getting back to my room and giving a second look at the clothes she had packed for me.

I hurried along the deck as I made a beeline for my room. I felt good as I walked. People were looking at me, and not in a bad way. I thought about the trunks in my room. I wasn’t so pleased the first time I saw them, but this next time will be different, I thought as I opened my door and let myself in.

I saw something on the bed as I was going for my closet. What’s that? I looked at the bed. I knew what it was but not why were they there. I looked at the door to see if I had been followed. I checked the door. It was locked. I returned to the bed and sat.

Looking down at the two cartons of Berkley menthol cigarettes sitting beside me on the mattress, I felt caught. The cigarettes were accompanied by a handwritten note. My heart sank as I picked up the note and took a deep breath. She must have found the cigarettes in my gym bag and this was her way of making me feel bad about it. If you knew my mom, you’d understand why I thought this.

You have to realize, as much as I wanted to believe my mom was good about me being Tracie, there was a part of me that felt she was doing it to make me feel guilty. She works like that sometimes. I think that she thinks that if she gives me what I want then I’ll feel bad and I won’t want it any more or get bored with it and move on to something else. Maybe it was that way with the clothes and the salon. Maybe it wasn’t but maybe it was. And now there were these cigarettes and this note to contend with.

I prepared myself for the worst as I opened my eyes and looked down at the note.

“Dear Tracey,”

She’d started it out Dear Tracey. She hadn’t called me Michael. My mom had called me Tracey.

“Your father and I have always been so proud of you Michael. You were always such a good boy. I always thought you’d grow up to be just like your father. I thought you’d be a man like your dad, rugged and athletic. You made us so proud the way you worked out at the gym after school. I guess that’s why I was so surprised the day I walked in on you and found you dressed up like me. I guess you’d say I was shocked.”

Okay. She said it. She made me feel like shit. I hate myself now.

“I don’t want you to feel bad about this because I know it’s not your fault.”

Well that’s just great Mom. You don’t want me to feel bad about this. Well how did you think I’d feel?

“A million thoughts went through my head that day. I was angry and ashamed of you, not because I really felt that way but because I never saw it coming.”

I continued reading her note with a heavy heart.

“It was Avril who helped me come to terms with it. I credit her for helping me to see this in a different light. She’s the one that reminded me that Michael and Tracey are two different people. She told me that I didn’t catch my son sneaking around in my clothes and stealing my cigarettes. She told me that I had walked in on my daughter while she was in the process of trying to be a woman like me.”

Even though I was sitting down, my knees went weak.

“I don’t want to encourage you to smoke and I would never have bought you these cigarettes, but as Avril said, the fantasy would not be complete without them, so I realise that as Tracey it is part of who you are, so for the remainder of the cruise you can act out your fantasy and smoke as a woman, but only for the remainder of the cruise and no longer.

Enjoy!

Love,

Mom”

Oh my God! My heart was beating out of my chest I could hear it as I lay the note on the bed and picked up one of the cartons. I noticed a lighter underneath it. I picked it up with my other hand and studied it carefully. It was slim and made of gold- the petrol type, the kind a lady keeps and refills. It was beautiful and I loved it. I couldn’t wait to use it!

My mind raced as I tried to comprehend the cigarettes and everything else that happened to me today. Where was it going? Where would it end? The only thing I knew for certain was that it was real and my mother loved me. I didn’t have a clue as to what would happen next. I did know that it couldn’t last forever. We were on vacation and sooner or later all vacations come to an end. I didn’t want this to end. Of course I didn’t want to deal with the consequences of it not ending either. It wasn’t like I wanted to face my father this way. I’d die if he knew what I was doing. But I couldn’t think about that right now. None of what laid ahead mattered. There’s only here and now, I thought as I stood up and pulled my trunks from the closet.

Twenty minutes later, I was still looking through the wardrobe. There were casual tops, shorts, little skirts with an emphasis on little. Some were longer and some were formal. There were clothes for every occasion. My mom must have spent a fortune on me. I found shoes galore! There were sandals, pumps, and heels in a variety of colours. What was I supposed to do with them after the cruise? Did Mom buy them for me to throw away afterwards? How could she expect me to throw them away? I can keep them, right? She’ll help me hide them from Dad when we get home. Don’t think about that now. Seize the day. Live in the now!

I slipped off the little flat shoes I had on and pulled out the white pair of heels. They were in a strange sort of soft mesh material. I slipped them on and stood up. Looking down, I admired the way they accentuated my calves and narrowed my ankles. By this time I was in physical need of a cigarette. At least I thought the need might be physical. Regardless, I wanted one. Oh my God, I’m going to smoke like a woman I thought as I tore open the carton of Berkley’s and removed a couple packs.

I tore open the cellophane wrapping off one of the packs and shoved them both into my purse along with the lighter. Two packs in my purse I thought as I let myself out into the hall - just like my Mom.

A woman with her child passed me in the hall as I was closing the door to my room. She smiled and said hello. I said hello back. I’m a woman. She’s a woman. I look fine, I thought as I hurried down the hall and up the stairs to the deck. My heels clicked against the metal on the stairs as I climbed. I love that sound I thought as I entered the sunlit deck.

I noticed the sun was coming from the left so I figured Mom and Avril would be on the other side of the ship if they were lying out. I knew I’d have to face them sooner or later. In a way, I was looking forward to it, but not just now. Right now I just wanted a cigarette. I needed time to adjust. I needed time to think about what was happening. I couldn’t do that with Mom and Avril staring at me.

I spotted a quiet looking space of deck rail and walked over to it while opening my purse. Getting the pack out was easy; removing a single cigarette with my new long nails was a different story. I pictured myself spilling five or more from the pack. That wouldn’t look sophisticated or ladylike. Don’t be a klutz Tracey! Take your time.

I tried to look casual as I applied the ends of my nails to just one of the filters. Try not to make it look hard. Look like you’ve done this before. Finally I got one out, raised it to my lips and flicked the lighter into life. I pushed the end of the cigarette into the flame and inhaled. The Menthol taste filled my mouth at once. I paused, savouring the flavour and the moment before blowing out a cloud of smoke.

I’d been there a few minutes, my arm tucked under my breasts, standing at the rail, looking out over the blue ocean, when a voice sounded.

“Hey Baby, how’s it going?”

I turned to see one of the ship’s crewman dressed in his white shirt and navy trousers. He leaned against the rail by my side.

Oh great, I thought as I exhaled into the wind. Just what I need, some jerk hitting on me.

“Are you on holiday?” he asked.

“Uh-uh, no,” I said curtly. “I’m just waiting for a bus.” I took another drag from my cigarette and exhaled.

“I guess that was a silly question,” he admitted. “So what’s your name?”

“Eh Tracey,” I said as I took another drag from the cigarette, nervously blowing out the smoke.

The young man’s name was Armstrong. I knew this because that’s what the older man in uniform called him. I supposed the older man was a commander of sorts.

“Armstrong! You know it’s against the rules to fraternise with the guests.”

“Sorry sir,” said Armstrong.

The older man told the younger want to get a move on and get back to work.

“I need to go,” he said as he stepped away from the rail. “Maybe I’ll see you around?”

“Hopefully not,” I replied as he left my side.

“Sorry about that Miss,” said the older officer.

I assured the officer that I was okay and told him not to worry about it. He tipped his cap to me as I smiled and took one final draw from my cigarette before putting it out in a nearby ashtray.

I took one more look at the ocean before deciding to go back to my room and take the nap I had threatened to take earlier. I was still excited, but I was very tired from the stress that came with being so excited. What a wonderful day, I thought as I walked down the stairs that led to my cabin.

I woke up and cast a glance at the clock on the bedside cabinet, just gone 4pm. Plenty of time before dinner I thought, getting up I went into the bathroom and surveyed the scene in the mirror, still trying to come to terms with the new look Micheal/Tracey I combed out my ruffled hair. Mom was right these hair extensions felt and acted just like the real thing, as I held the hair and brushed through it. Happy that it was back in style and looking fresh I touched up my make up a quick spray of perfume and I felt ok to resume the day.

I still had a couple of hours to go before I needed to change for dinner so I left my cabin and knocked on Mom’s door. No answer.

“Must be still on deck” I muttered to myself, I set off to do some exploring of the ship to familiarise myself with its attractions. Our cabin was situated on the second deck of cabins with one other floor of cabins directly below us. Each deck was named after a holiday resort; we were housed on the Miami deck. One flight of steps up was the first open walkway around the ship for passengers to stroll along. I wandered along the length of the ship; there were two restaurants at this level and a cinema theatre at the front of the ship. Climbing the stairs by the cinema I began to familiarise myself with the next level.

The second level consisted of another Theatre / Nightclub which boasted that Tina Carroll would be performing live their tonight. I continued my expedition passing another restaurant diner and then the small shopping mall where I had been tortured just a few hours earlier. I walked inside inspecting the shops that were there. As before, I noticed the Newsagent’s displaying newspapers in several languages, small gifts, little replica’s of the ship and another one. I assumed were part of the fleet. Sweets, cigarettes… eh cigarettes… I need one I thought to myself. I passed the salon spotting Carla inflicting some more torture on another passenger as I walked by. Also in the mall there was a shop selling beachwear and underwear, I stopped admiring a cute bra and panty set in the mannequin in the window, the set was pink lace with a ruffled white trim around the bra, cute I thought my own actions not really registering as I gazed in the window.

Out the other side I spotted some seats along the deck a bit. I sat down and opened my bag taking out my cigarettes I lit one up. I thought about what it might be like later sitting with Mom and Avril as three women smoking and chatting over a drink. Maybe that was not what Mom intended? Maybe she just bought the ciggies to be smoked in private and not in front of her. I made a mental note not to do it until her or Avril brought the subject up. I smoked the rest of the cigarette and continued on my voyage. Another restaurant a chapel and a small casino completed this level before I climbed the steps once more.

The decks above this level seemed to be a bit more spacious, larger cabins, more plush bars and restaurants. This must be where the rich people live I thought with a chuckle to myself as my expedition continued up each level to the top.

The next level consisted of a couple of tanning salons and a health club complete with Gym. I made a mental note to use the gym if Mom had bought me some leisure stuff that I could dress in as Tracey. A small bar was attached to the Gym before I moved upwards once more.

The final public deck consisted of more leisure facilities. A basketball and tennis court naturally indoors along with a couple of squash courts further along the deck with a solarium and bar. Very impressive I thought to myself as I looked over the rail and stared down the depth of the ship. The final deck was restricted to crew only and I assumed was where the main control room for the ship was. I looked upwards a person waving too me. Shit! It’s Anderson! I thought tentatively waving back. I stepped away from the rails and started my trip back down. Glancing at my watch I noted the time just before 5.30 pm. Time to have a shower and get ready for the night ahead.

Back in my room I stripped off and switched on the shower. In the toilet bag, Mom had provided me some shower gel “Lotus Blossom.” I unscrewed the cap smelling it. Definitely girl! But then, that’s how I looked now. Taking it with me I stepped into the water, squeezing some out on to my hand I lathered my now smooth legs the breast forms Mom had attached hanging in front of me, no sign of maleness at all as my penis was safely tucked in its tube in the gaff I was wearing. This was awesome! I thought beyond any of my dreams as I continued washing for my night ahead.

I was drying my hair when there was a knock at the door.

“Micheal. Are you decent?”

“Yeah. Come in”

Mom opened the door and stepped inside.

“I just came over to help you with your make-up and your hair” she said, “You need to get used to doing it yourself but I though tonight I would give you a hand.”

“Eh, thanks.” I stammered, tying the towel around myself as any woman would - covering my breasts.

I sat in front of the dresser as Mom took me through the steps of make-up, using foundation, powder, eyeliners and eye shadow, a touch of blush for the cheeks explaining the way the use of lighter and darker shades in some areas could alter the face or open up the eye’s. A crash course in cosmetics really. Soon my face looked just as good as it had when I left the salon and my hair was restored to all its glory.

“I’d better go and get ready” Mom said as she walked across the room “I’ll see you in around half an hour” she continued as she opened the door. She was just about to close it when she popped her head back in “Oh I forgot, did you like your present darling”

My face flushed, I was tongue tied. “Eh, eh yes, thanks” I replied, with that she closed the door.

I finished dressing I chose a straight black skirt just above the knee with a split up the side to mid thigh. A white ivory blouse with pearl buttons sexy but classy not the usual type of thing I might have chosen for myself but then Mom was a lady and her choice was practical while mine was usually something rather different. With my feet encased in 4 inch heeled black leather stilettos, I picked up my bag and popped my lighter and cigarettes inside with some spare make up for emergencies. My hand shook as I dropped the cigarettes. The thought of lighting up a cigarette in front of my Mom set butterflies loose into inside my stomach. A deep breath... Tracey, time to go. I left my cabin and knocked on the Mom’s cabin door within seconds Mom and Avril appeared both dressed stunningly and so off we set three classy well dressed women on route to dinner.

Our allocated restaurant was the Michelangelo Restaurant for tonight which was on the Buenos Aries deck just above us at the rear of the ship. The waiter showed us to our table and we sat down. “So Tracey, did you get Mom’s present” Avril asked, my face once more turning crimson as I cringed under Avril’s torment. I decided to hit back a little “Yeah I did and I gather that it was you who talked her into it, so thanks” I replied hoping to have scored a point. She smiled “No problem glad to be of service again” she said with a grin, oops 2-1 to Avril better stop before I get crushed I thought, ignoring the comment I lifted the napkin and opening it placed it delicately on my lap.

Dinner was served and we sat quietly eating. I scanned the dining room watching all the other passengers, not quite believing yet that he I was in full female attire sitting with Mom and Avril, the rest of the passengers, oblivious to my true male gender.

Avril’s voice broke the silence, “What we doing after dinner?”

“I thought we could have a couple of drink’s in the Sport’s Bar on the top deck then hit that club you’ve been bugging me about.” Mom replied. “What do you think Tracey?”

“Eh yeah sounds ok. But I’m not sure that I want to go to a nightclub, just yet” I replied.

“Well we can see” Mom said.

Dinner finished with coffee and I excused myself and went to the toilet, another first for me, in fact almost a disastrous first as my instinct almost sent me into the male toilet before my brain kicked into gear and I made a quick switch to the ladies. Inside another passenger stood touching up her makeup.

“Good evening. nice meal?” she asked.

“Lovely” I replied opening a cubicle door and stepping inside. A few minutes later I was also touching up my lipstick in the mirror before going back to Mom and Avril. We left the restaurant and walked along the deck.

“I’m not climbing all those stairs in these heels, better take the lift” Mom said.

We approached the lift and Avril pressed the button, soon we were on our way up to Funchal deck where the Sport’s bar was. We stepped out a breeze fluttering through my hair as we walked along the deck. The night was darkening an impressive red sunset in the distance a reminder that we were headed to a hotter climate.

Mom found a table and we sat down. “Ok what’s everybody want to drink” Avril asked.

“Get me a glass of Chardonnay, Tracey what about you” Mom asked.

“Eh the same please”

Avril headed off as me and Mom sat down. I was desperate for a cigarette but still nervous about lighting up in front of Mom. I know she had seen me before but I was still a bit anxious about it. Within seconds my tension had increased as Mom opened her back and took out her cigarettes opening them she held them towards me I froze.

“Go on then I’m sure you want to” she said.

I snapped out of my trance my fingers edged forward tried to grip on, damn these nails I thought.

“Difficult with long nails isn’t it, you’ll get used to it” her own long sculptured nail with the deep burgundy nail varnish pushed a cigarette upwards and out of the packet a bit. I took it out, sliding it between my fingers she flicked the lighter into life I leaned in a bit and pushed the tip into the flame inhaling as I did so the menthol filling my mouth.

“There now that’s out of the way maybe you’ll relax a bit” she said.

“Mom can I ask you something?”

“Sure darling” she said taking out a cigarette for herself and lighting it.

“Well when the ship docks will I need to stay on board, I mean you know my passport its… well… you know.” I hesitated.

“Yeah the picture’s not quite you is it” she smiled and took another drag from her cigarette as Avril approached with the drinks. “Don’t worry darling you don’t need the passport we all have a swipe card that activates a door, you only need that to get on and off.”

“Oh” I replied taking a drag on my cigarette and blowing a cloud of smoke in the air.

“I think I’ve got yours here” she said rummaging in her bag as Avril put the drinks on the table. “Yeah here it is” she said handing me a plastic card with a photo of the ship on it. “Now put it away safely” she said, I opened my clutch bag and put the card inside.

Avril lit a cigarette for and picked up her drink “A toast” she announced “To the three best looking women on the this ship, and to lot’s of girly fun,” She winked at Mom, teasing me again no doubt, I thought as all three of us clicked our glasses together.

We spent the next few hours chatting and drinking. Around 10pm Avril decided it was time to go to the nightclub she had been banging on about on the deck below. “You coming Tracey darling” Mom asked me. “No it’s been a long day, think I’ll call Dad and go to bed” I said. “Ok give him my love” Mom asked as we walked down the stairs to the deck below. I left them and headed along the deck to the lift to take me back to my cabin. I passed another couple of passengers on route to the club nodded greeting’s as I kept going.

A voice “Hello Babes we meet again.”

Startled I stopped and glanced around. There stood Armstrong the sailor who had tried to chat me up earlier that day.

“Sorry. Did I scare you?” he asked.

“A bit. What you doing out here? Not working?”

“No. Just nipped out for a ciggie.” he said as he raised a cigarette to his mouth, “Want one?”

“Eh ok,” I opened my bag and took out my cigarettes taking one for the packet I lifted it to my mouth while I looked for my lighter.

“Here let me.” he said taking his lighter from his pocket and flicking it into life. I moved forward and lit the cigarette taking it from my mouth. I blew a cloud of smoke upwards as I stood a couple of feet from him.

“Did I get you in trouble today” I asked

“Not really. Davies that’s the officer is a stickler for crew and passengers not mixing” he explained.

“Oh, I’m sorry I was a bit of a bitch to you as well” I said.

“It’s ok. It was a daft question asking if you were on holiday.” he laughed. So did I.

“You been out?” he asked.

“Yeah me, Mom, and her friend went for dinner and a couple of drinks. They’ve gone on to the nightclub.” I replied.

“You not fancy it yourself?”

“No it’s been a long day and I wanted to call my dad.”

“He’s not with you then?”

“No he had to work. He’s a policeman, working on that case of the two missing girls, you might have seen it on the news?”

“Yeah, I think I read about that in the paper.” he replied dropping his cigarette and crushing it out with his shoe. Immediately taking out another and lighting it.

I stepped a bit closer and leaned against the wall. Taking a drag from the cigarette, I blew a cloud of smoke into the night air.

We made small talk for another couple of minutes while I smoked the rest of my cigarette, taking my last drag I dropped it and blew smoke downward as I stepped on it to extinguish it. I looked up. I’m not sure why, but I stepped in and kissed Armstrong on the cheek “Sorry about being a bitch today.” I blushed.

Then something happened I had the unbearable urge that I wanted him to kiss me back, not just a peck on the cheek, but a full blown kiss. I wanted to be kissed as Tracey! Our eyes locked as he moved forward leaned in and found my lips at first they were closed and then parted allowing his tongue to enter. Our tongues played with each other a bit, his arm slipping around my waist and he began pulling me a bit closer.

“Ahem” a sound behind me I stopped kissing him turned slightly, my knees almost buckling as Avril stood behind me. Jesus! What is this woman? A stalker? A ghost? Why is it she always turns up at the wrong moment or when I’m doing something I shouldn’t be? I broke out of Armstrong’s grip and stepped back.

“Eh sorry. This is Mom’s friend, Avril.” I said, gesturing towards her.

“Pleased to meet you.” he said extending a hand. Avril shook it.

“Eh, I thought you were going to the club?” I asked.

“Yeah, your Mom’s there, but she forgot something. I need to go back to the cabin. You coming or staying here?” she sarcastically grinned.

“Eh, I’ll just come with you. See you.” I glanced back at Armstrong, hesitating a bit, aware of the fact that I didn’t even know his first name.

“It’s Chris” he said smiling at me.

“Ok. See you Chris” I said as I stepped away and followed Avril.

We reached the lift in silence, inside another couple of guests so there was no conversation. I hoped they were going to further or at least to the same floor as us. But alas they got off a couple of floors above ours. The doors closed.

“He seemed nice.” Avril said.

“Look it was nothing, please don’t tell Mom!” I pleaded.

“Quite a number of secrets I’m stacking up for you here” she said.

“It won’t happen again, I don’t know why I did it” I said.

“Yeah I know dear. We all like to explore our sexuality a bit from time to time.” Her hand reached over and squeezed mine. I froze as she did my heart, beating a little as the doors opened. We stepped out into the corridor of our deck.

We walked back, side by side, to the cabin. Once we reached them we both took out our keys and began to open the doors.

“Sleep tight Tracey, I’ll see you in the morning” Avril said as she pushed the door open.

“Eh thanks. And please don’t tell Mom!” I pleaded once more.

Avril winked at me and closed the door behind her; I pushed back my door and stepped inside. Sitting on the bed I put my head in my hands “Fuck! How do I always get caught?” I’d got away with dressing for years and now in the space of a couple of weeks I had been caught twice and now, the first day that I can live out my fantasy as a girl, I get caught snogging a guy! If luck was food then I would be positively anorexic. I picked up my mobile and called home.

“Dad is that you?” I said as I heard a voice.

“Yeah son. Are you having a good time?”

Well if you call sitting here dressed in a short skirt and blouse and heels a good time, then yeah. was what I wanted to say.

“Eh yeah it’s been good so far. Mom said Hi.” I said.

“Where is she?”

“Oh she and Avril went for a couple of drinks. I was tired so I just came back to the cabin.” I said.

“Ok tell her I miss her, will you?”

I could hear music in the background, “Dad is there someone there with you, and I can hear music”

“Just another couple of officers we were having a beer together long day today” he replied.

“How’s the case going” I asked.

“Eh we got a good breakthrough today, can’t say much but watch the news the next couple of days there might be some progress”

“I will” I replied.

We continued with some mundane chat before we said our goodnights and I hung up. Fifteen minutes later, with makeup removed and clothes put away, I slipped into bed dressed in a little pink nightie. Today had certainly been different and there were eight more to go.

I awoke the next morning refreshed and ready to go. The fact that when I looked in the mirror I saw Tracey staring back at me was still difficult to get used to. Padding across my room I entered the small bathroom and started the shower.

---

 
 
Cruise Diary — Day 2

I awoke the next morning refreshed and ready to go. The fact that when I looked in the mirror I saw Tracey staring back at me was still difficult to get used to. Padding across my room I entered the small bathroom and started the shower. Dropping the short silk nightdress I had worn to bed the night before I stepped into the warm water. I soaped my body still awestruck by the fake boobs that still adorned my chest, in my mind the nipples hardened as my hands traced over them as if being touched by a lover showering with me.

My shower over I dressed for the morning ahead, I planned to do a little exercise before breakfast. Mum and Avril I knew had plans to go ashore, so did I, but I had designs on going on my own and not tagging along with them. I pulled on some cut off denim shorts and a white tee-shirt it stretched across my newly found chest. Sitting at the mirror I looked at my face, the haircut had really changed my appearance even without make up I still had a feminine look. As I gazed at the image before there was a knock on the door.

“Tracey darling you awake” the call came.

“Yeah, just a sec” I said as I stood and went to open the door.

“Sleep well” My Mum asked as she bounced into the room full of cheer.

“Yeah you obviously did, good night at the club,” I asked.

“It was ok we didn’t stay that long”

I held my breath, wondering if Avril had spilled the secret of last nights kiss. I decided to keep talking maybe avoid the topic.

“I spoke to Dad last night they think they might have a lead” I said excitement in my tone.

“That’s good dear isn’t it” she said sounding a little like she didn’t care a bit.

“Yeah it is, he says hi, maybe you should call him” I said.

“I will darling now are you coming ashore with me and Avril today” she asked changing the subject.

“Eh maybe not, I might just explore the boat a bit more” I replied.

“Well if that’s what you want then ok, now lets get you ready” she said.

I explained to Mum about my plans for some exercise so she skipped the make up session just ensuring that I moisturised my face and put on a little sun block. I dusted on a little natural eye shadow and some waterproof mascara and then lifting my large beach bag I tossed in some shorts and trainers and a little sports bra that Mum in all her wisdom and scheming had kindly thought to buy me. Slipping on my sunglasses I bid farewell to Mum and headed of to do my workout for the day.

Upstairs I changed the in the small changing rooms, tying my hair into a makeshift ponytail. The little stud earring’s Mum had insisted I wear to enhance my look, gleamed in the summer sun as I did some stretches before starting my morning jog. The little running track was quite deserted only one elderly gentleman pounding the boards as I started of at a medium pace. After about twenty laps I threw in a couple of sprint laps before stopping to re-catch my breath. A couple of other joggers had by now appeared oblivious to my true sex or identity they jogged past with a courteous “Good Morning” as they continued on their way. I slipped off into the gym and had five minutes on a rowing machine and some more stretches before calling it a day.

Back in the deserted dressing room I began to undress being careful to ensure that I kept my self a bit covered and my secret safe. Soon I was dressed an after applying a light touch of make up I was brushing out me hair when another girl sat down beside me. She began to get changed I watched in the mirror like some sort of voyeur as she stripped of her shorts and little panties. Her perfect round bubble butt, in full view, as I tried to quickly finish brushing my hair. As I turned to put away my brush she spoke.

“Good workout” she asked.

“Yeah not bad” I replied.

“Oh you are Scottish” as well she said as she encased her boobs in a little white bra.

“Eh yeah” I said.

She stepped forward “Mhari” she said extending her hand to me.

“Tracey” I replied as she shook my hand.

“Look I’m just about changed why we could get some breakfast together” she asked.

“Eh, I don’t know I mean I’m”

“Go on, I was playing squash with my brother and he’s shot off to get ready to go ashore so I’m on my own”

“Eh well I suppose..”

“Good’ I’ll just be a couple of minutes and then we can go” she said as she approached the mirror.

A few minutes later we left the dressing room, I expected us to had off to one of the small diner’s but Mhari stopped at the small flight of stairs leading up to the exclusive “Crow’s Nest Diner,”

“Eh we can’t use that” I said.

“Sure we can, I’m staying over there” she said pointing to the most exclusive cabins on the ship,
“You’re my guest so I can take you up.” We walked up the six or so steps, Mhari spoke to the waiter at the entrance and he guided us to a small metal table and we sat down.

“Who are you with” she asked.

“Eh my Mum and her friend, Dad’s a policeman, he’s working on the abducted girl case” I said pride in my voice at Dad’s status.

“Oh yeah I read about that, terrible isn’t it, I’m here with my Mom Dad and two bother’s plus an assortment of about a dozen other family members, it’s Mum and Dad’s twenty fifth wedding anniversary a bit of a celebration,” she said scanning the menu.

“Where you from, Glasgow” she asked.

“Eh just outside, you.” I enquired.

“Dunbar, Dad has a car dealership in Edinburgh, I’m in my last year of Law at University and my big brother, Justin, did Business Studies and is working with Dad.”

The waiter arrived and we ordered.

“Eh can I smoke up here” I asked.

“Yeah you can” Mhari said glancing around her she spotted an ashtray and got up and lifted it back to our table. “You want one” I asked offering her the pack, “Eh, ok go on I only really smoke when I’m drinking but ok” she said as she slipped one from the pack. I flicked the lighter into life and she lit up.
Soon our food had arrived and over some fresh fruit and a glass of juice we talked away like any two young women would, fashion, music to boys the works. Soon breakfast was over and we left the terraced restaurant back down to the deck below.

“Look why don’t we meet up one night” she asked, going on “You know check out the talent on board have a couple of drink’s what do you say.”

“Well, I mean I’m with Mum but I suppose.”

“Good that’s settled, we have a big family meal tonight up there” she pointed back to where we had come from “But tomorrow night is free, that ok with you.”

“Yeah I suppose.”

“Ok about 8 in Shipmates Bar” she said “on Deck 7” she said.

“Yeah, ok”

“Cool see you then Tracey,” she said as she began to walk away.

I headed back to my deck and cabin, this was getting more complicated I now had a girl friend, well you know what I mean to keep my identity under wraps from. But it was also getting more exciting as the more people were coming to accept me as Tracey then the more confident I was becoming !

Back in my cabin I changed into a loose fitting almost Hippy style blouse with a long flower patterned wrap over skirt. I put on some cork wedged sandals and touched up my make up. I put my purse and make up bag in large beach bag checking that my swipe card for boarding was in the purse. Then I was on my way confidently I strode along the deck heading for the exit ramp. I opened my bag and pulled out my purse then it hit me “Damn I’ve left my cigarettes in my room” I thought to myself. I turned and looked around the little shopping mall was just back there I could get some from the shop.

I stepped into the cool tiled mall which was busy with other passengers shopping for souvenirs of the trip or having a beer at the little bar diner. Finding the tobacconist / newsagent shop I wend inside. The single shop assistant busy serving one customer I scanned the array of cigarettes on the shelf behind the counter looking for my favourite brand. Suddenly me eyes settled on something, no it couldn’t be, my pulse began to race my heart sped up. I stepped forward, had I not been wearing mascara then I would have been rubbing my knuckles in my eye’s trying to clear my vision and confirm what I was looking at, I was right it was a cigarette that I had dreamed about.

“Eh Miss, can I help you” a voice sounded of to my left. The sales assistant had been trying to get my attention.

“Eh yes, yes you can I’ll take 40 of those cigarettes” I said pointing to the display case.

“These” she asked he hand lifting them from the display.

“Eh yes that’s them how much” I asked fiddling with my bag.

“Fourteen Euro 20” she said.

I fiddled around in my purse grabbing a 20€ note I handed it to her she handed me the cigarettes which I hastily pushed in my bag and turned.

“Eh Miss your change”

“Oh yeah sorry, I forgot”

She handed me my change I dropped it back in my purse and left the shop. I looked around my heart was still beating so fast, the palm of my hands damp with anticipation I needed a cigarette but I needed a place to savour it.

Exiting the rear of the mall I scanned the decks, there were several people milling around but not a lot. Looking along the deck, near the rear of the ship I spotted an empty couple of summer seats. That will do I thought to myself, I wanted to run to the seats but keeping my decorum I walked quickly towards them. Once there I sat down my heart still beating as if it wanted to escape my chest. I opened my bag and peered inside. Yes they were still there half expecting that they had escaped my bag in the short trip to this seated area.

By now many of you must wonder what I am going on about but as I lifted the slim packet out of the bag I will explain. Those who don’t have a smoking fetish or don’t find the sight of an attractive woman smoking will not understand but for those who do then they will understand where I am coming from. I looked down at my hand there in my hand was a white and green packet of VS 120 cigarettes, the Ferrari of cigarettes well that’s how I felt anyway, how many times had I looked at pictures and watched You Tube video’s of women and TV’s smoking these long slim cigarettes that just oozed femininity and sex. How had they got here on a ship in the middle of the ocean? It was as if they had been transported here by magic. Then my mind cleared, I mean American’s go on cruises don’t they so why should they not be here.

I unwrapped the cellophane as I stared at the packet; pulling the light green foil paper away I uncovered the buried treasure. I fumbled with the long slim cigarette trying to get it out of the packet my newly acquired nail extensions getting in the way finally I gripped one and eased it free. I’m surprised I never dropped it my fingers shaking as they were; I stared at the delicate white tube, before lifting it to my lips and placing it between them. Pulling out my lighter I tried to flick it into life the sea breeze killing it, I tried again, no luck, putting my bag down beside my feet I cupped the flame with my hand and tried once more it sparked into life. I pushed the cigarette into the yellow flame and sucked. An unusual menthol taste filled my throat not like my usual UK brand maybe a bit harsher and a little less menthol but oh how it tasted. It was like your first kiss or something similar for me though it was bliss another milestone had been struck from my journey. How I had dreamed of smoking a VS 120, in my mind it had been behind closed doors dressed at home while Mum was out before probably tossing myself off as I dreamed of being a seductive female pulling her prey to her. But no here I was a seductive female on a cruise ship with a new hairstyle and long false nails with passengers walking buy and seeing nothing else but an attractive young woman smoking a cigarette and enjoying the early afternoon sun.

I arrived back on the ship early evening about just over an hour before it was due to pick up anchor and head for our next port of call. I had, had a pleasant afternoon wandering the cobbled streets. I had even bought myself a couple of blouses and a leather skirt which was at a really low cost compared with what I had seen in UK shops. When the heat had got too much I had sat by a small café ordered a cool glass of wine and smoked one of my VS cigarettes watching the world go buy, a couple of times admiring glances crossed my way from males passing buy, all in all my confidence was now sky high and as Tracey I worried not that I would be discovered. Maybe Mum and Avril had been a bit devious but I really had and awful lot to than them for, in my mind I made a mental note to do that in the not too distant future.

After checking in with Mum I took a nice relaxing shower and lay back in my bathrobe watching some TV hoping maybe to get some news about Dad and the case. With no fresh news I began to dress for the evening. Mum had said we would have a light dinner and a couple of drinks which was fine with me. Choosing some fresh lingerie I dressed and sat down to apply my make up, Mum had taught me well and soon a freshly made up little fox looked back at me from the mirror. I scanned my wardrobe all of which was off course new to me I choose a wine silk fitted blouse flared at the bottom but gathered in to the torso and bust area. I adjusted the collar and pulled it down before picking up the leather skirt I had bought today. Slipping it on I adjusted it to fit it was about a couple of inches above my knees but not too short. I could feel the soft leather caress my thighs as I moved across the room and found a pair of black 3  ½ inch stilettos the silver metal heel glistening as I pulled them on to my feet. Collecting some bits and pieces together I dropped them into my black leather clutch bag and set off for dinner.

Dinner was exceptional a great seafood salad and some interesting chat about our day. Even Avril was beginning not to bug me any more. My new found confidence meant that I never even gave my true self a second thought and felt very much the woman in a threesome having a pleasant evening. We adjourned to the Funchal terrace and found a table to sit at three white wine spritzers appeared and we settled back to enjoy our night. I pulled my cigarettes from my bag and took one out.

“Oh where did you find them” Avril asked.

“The little shop in the mall” I replied offering her the packet she took one as did Mum I offered them a light before lighting my own cigarette. Could life really get any better I thought as I looked out across the vast ocean and took a drag from my cigarette?

Our night went on and seemed perfect except Avril was getting a bit tipsy and following a trip to the bar to get us some top ups she somehow dragged three guys’ back to our table.

“This is Bobby, Luke and, and……”

“Chris” the guy said embarrassed at Avril forgetting his name, she swayed a little as she sat down.

“I asked them to join us” she said, I crushed out my cigarette and raised my eyebrows in a disgusted gesture at Mum. The three guys pulled over sat and sat down. Bobby was beside Avril, Chris next to Mum and then Luke next to me. The chat began to flow then as it progressed it changed rather than as a group discussion the guy’s, as guys do began to concentrate on the female of their choice.

“You enjoying the Cruise” then Luke asked, moving a bit closer to me.

“Yeah it’s been good so far, first time I’ve been on a boat” I replied, out of the corner of my eye I could see Avril who was getting increasingly tipsy almost drag Bobby out of his seat and towards a small dance floor at the end of the deck.

“So what do you do for a living” he was almost so close now that I could feel his breath on the side of my face. His arm was round the back of my seat and I could feel the outside of his finger trace up and down my arm.

I tensed a little, “Cold” he asked.

“No just a shiver, eh I’m still at college” I lied slightly as I was only due to start after the holiday.

“What you studying” he asked as Mum slipped away with Chris towards the dance floor to join Avril.

“Computing and programming” I replied leaning forward I took my bag and opened it taking out my VS 120’s I took one from the pack and lit it. Easing back I realised Luke’s arm had now slipped a bit lower and was now round my waist his hand resting on my hip. I took a nervous drag on my cigarette inhaling before blowing a cloud of smoke into the night air. I could see Mum and Avril still dancing away to a cheesy eighties dance tune. Luke was really close to me now, a few days ago dressed as I was I would have run a mile but something was keeping me here, Tracey’s new found confidence in her femininity and appearance was making me comfortable in my ability to carry off the fact that I was not really a young woman.

Luke must have caught me looking at Mum, “You want to join them” he asked nodding in their direction.

“Might as well” I replied as I took a final draw from my cigarette and crushed it out in the ashtray.
Luke stood and offered me his hand, instinctively I took it and picking up my handbag I let him lead me to the dance floor. As we approached I could see Mum look over a smile on her face as she waved to me to join her. We slipped onto the floor I put my bag on the floor and we began to move to the music. I was never the best of dancers and doing it in heels was more difficult than I thought but I managed to dance away without tripping or twisting an ankle in the process. We danced away the evening swapping partners from time to time, the three women together when the guy’s could not be bothered.

I was enjoying myself but one thing was bothering me and that was both Mum and Avril’s reaction to these guys. While I was friendly and charming and laughed at their jokes, I was not flirting the same as they were. I mean I suppose I had a better reason than them but they were definitely giving off signals that there was more to come tonight. I mean it’s not right she’s my Mum, my Dad is at home, I mean Avril can shag everyone on the boat if she likes but not my Mum!

During one slower dance while Luke had his arms round my waist I cast a glance over at Mum. Chris was holding her co close tight into his chest his hand on her lower back while the other was roaming across her arse. That was it for me serious words needed to be said so when the dance finished I broke for Luke.

“I need to go to the ladies” I said in my best apologetic tone.

“No trouble babe, another drink,” he asked.

“Not for me, I might call it a night soon,” I said glancing at my watch.

He looked a bit disgusted as I walked away and approached Mum.

“Toilet break,” I said as I reached her.

“I suppose” she said picking up her bag as Avril slid into the table with Bobby’s arm around her waist.

“We’re just going to the loo” Mum announced her voice slurring a little. If Avril heard her she never let on because there was no response as we walked away.

Inside the toilet I found a cubicle both found cubicles and went inside. I thought about how I was going to bring up the subject of Mum’s flirting. I decided to just challenge it head on. Back outside I checked my make up in the mirror applying a little more lipstick and touching up my mascara while I waited.

The door opened and she joined me at the mirrors, I cast a glance around just to see that we were on our own.

“Mum what do you think you are doing with Chris, he’s all over you.” I asked.

“It’s just a bit of holiday fun dear a bit of harmless flirting, we women do it all the time, you’ll learn.”

“Well I don’t think he’s thinking that his hand was all over your backside at the last dance”

She blushed slightly.

“I mean your married, Avril can do what she likes but you’re my Mum.” A slight tear appeared at the corner of one of my eyes.

She touched my face “Don’t get upset darling, I’m not going to do anything.”

“Well I don’t think they think that” I said pulling a small tissue from my bag I dabbed the tear away.

“Ok a couple more drinks then I’ll get us out of there.”

“Well I’m not staying anymore, you can tell Luke I’ve got a headache or something but I’m going back to my cabin, promise me you will leave soon, promise me,” I said.

“I will now relax and get some rest and I’ll see you in the morning, it’s been a big couple of days for you, and you still have lot’s to learn, ok, I promise we will leave soon.”

“Ok” I said as we turned and walked back towards the bar. I left her by the entrance and started down the metal stairs my heels clicking on the surface as I went. I trusted her, why I don’t know after she had set me up like this, but I just hoped that she would keep her word and leave soon.

Back on my own deck I walked towards the stairs down to our cabins, I stopped by the rail and opened my bag. One more cigarette before I went to bed I thought. I took one out and lit it blowing a white cloud into the night air. In the distance I could see some light’s from some shore blinking as we sailed along. I was still in deep thought about Mum when a voice sounded.

“Hello Princess”

It was Armstrong the sailor that had spoken to me yesterday the one Avril had caught me kissing.

“Oh hello” I said drawing on my cigarette as I turned and leaned my back to the railing.

“Enjoying the night air, where’s your friend.”

“Avril, oh she’s Mum’s friend there up on the Funchal terrace with three jerks.”

“Someone upset you” he said stepping into the rail next to me.

I took another drag on my cigarette and looked at my feet, my arms crossed under my breasts like some type of defence mechanism, “It’s just, I mean, Mum’s married and she’s flirting like mad with this guy it’s not right.”

“People do funny things on holiday Princess, I should know, the thing’s you see going on on this ship.”

“I suppose, but I mean I’m her s.., daughter,” oops almost a fatal mistake there, I blushed a bit.

“Yeah well maybe she just needs to let her hair down I mean can’t be much fun stuck on this boat with her old man back home.”

“Yeah well I’ve told her what I think and she’s promised to leave soon so I guess I’ll just have to trust her. Anyway won’t you get into trouble for talking to me again!” I said.

“Worth it Princess, the stars the moon and a beautiful girl to talk to,” he nudged shoulders with me in a playful manner.

“Yeah, yeah, I bet you say that to all the girls on the ship, what is it they say a girl in every port maybe you are just a girl on every cruise.” I took a final draw on my cigarette and turning tossed it overboard.

“No seriously you’re the best looking girl on the ship,” I blushed slightly again.

“Yeah but I’m also a passenger and I get you into trouble” I said playfully punching his arm.

“Worth it though and anyway I’m not on duty all the time I get shore leave we could hook up then, how about it.”

“I don’t know, maybe” I said.

“Once we get to Barcelona I have a day off we could see the sights, what do you think.”

“I don’t know I don’t know what Mum and Avril will have planned.”

“Well think about it I’ll look out for you or just ask in the Customer Service desk in the mall, they will page me.”

I stepped back ready to go, “Ok maybe” I said.

As I walked past Chris gripped my wrist and spun me round I was in his arms before I knew what was happening.

“To Barcelona then” he said as his mouth covered mine, surprised by the suddenness of his move I was about to say something so my half open mouth was a simple target for his tongue to find it’s way in. My hand came to rest on his shoulder as he increased the tempo of the kiss. I pushed back and broke off.

“You have a nerve” I said, “I do, but you will still come ashore with me in Barcelona,” he replied.

I stepped away from him ant turned and began to walk along the deck, “See you Sunday” he said before he wolf whistled at me. I turned my head slightly and looked back for a second, as I turned back a smile crossed my lips as I walked on as the only sound that could be heard on this still night was my heels clicking on the deck.

---

 
To Be Continued...

Being Me

By Karin Roberts

The Cruise – Voyage of Discovery

Cruise Diary – Day 3

Hot water ran down my body as I took my morning shower. Wiping some soap from my eye’s I thought back to last night and Mum and Avril’s behaviour as they had teased and tormented those guys. I hoped that they cut the evening short soon after I had left just as they promised. Switching of the shower I grabbed a towel and patted myself dry. I stepped out of the white basin onto the floor and picking up some scented talc I sprinkled some on my legs and feet massaging it into the skin. Taking my short pink dressing gown from the door I pulled it round myself and stepped out into the bedroom. I crossed the room and sat at the dresser and started to dry my hair.

Just over thirty minutes later I was ready to head out for my morning work out. A white pleated tennis skirt surrounded my fast browning legs, and a tight white tee-shirt with the words “Look but don’t touch” in bold pink lettering covered my upper body. I picked up my bag with my work out gear inside and dropping in my cigarettes and lighter I opened my cabin door.

I decided to take a quick check on Mum and Avril so I knocked on their door, no response I tried the handle it opened I stepped inside.

“You awake” I called as I walked inside.

“Keep it down” a voice said from the corner.

There sat Avril with a glass of cloudy water in her hand, she took a swig and winced slightly.

“Hungover” I asked.

“Well done Sherlock, of course we are.”

“Mum not up yet.”

“No she’s still dead to the world” she said nodding towards the bedroom.

“What time did you get back?” I asked.

“We got back about three thirty” she said taking another drink from her glass.

“Oh” was all I could say. “I’m, I’m just going for a workout you two going for breakfast” I enquired.

“I doubt it, the very thought of food makes me want to hurl,” she replied.

Hurl, I thought to myself, so lady like, Avril had obviously skipped Swiss finishing school.

“Well suit yourselves.”

“We will” Avril said in that superior tone she uses to make me feel small.

I left the cabin and headed for the exercise deck. Three thirty I though to myself that was nearly four hours after I had called it a night so Mum had lied to me she had had no intention of finishing of the night early. They had continued to party with those guys, at least there had been no obvious sign that they had gone back to the room so I was pretty sure that nothing had happened, but Mum’s behaviour last night and her flirting still disturbed me after all she was married to my Dad.

I emerged into the bright sunlight and found a seat to sit on the shady side of the ship. I sat and pulled out my VS 120’s lighting one up I still marvelled at the slim cigarette of my dreams. “Need too get some more” I said quietly to myself as I sat puffing away. Finished I extinguished it in a sand pit close by and headed towards the exercise deck.

The sun was hot as I exited the changing rooms and began a light jog around the small track. A pink baseball cap shielded my eyes and head from the sun. The cap had been another of my resourceful mother’s purchases as she had set me up. She had even had the cheek to by one emblazoned with the crest of my favourite football team but of course in the ladies version. Mother’s are so devious I thought as I picked the pace up a bit my trainers pounding on the boards as I completed another lap.

Ten minutes later I was back in the gym and doing some sit ups. My concentration was not fully on the task my mind being drawn back to last night. It disturbed me in some way, I had no proof that anything had gone on between Mum, Avril and the guy’s but it still bothered me. I mean Avril can flirt and fuck whoever she likes but my Mum that’s another story. My Dad was at home trying to save the life of two young girls not much older than me and she was acting like this like she had forgotten him. I mean as far as I knew I don’t think she had even called him. One thing was for sure I needed to give Dad a call and see how things were at home.

***********************

I spent the afternoon by the pool. It was not as hot as yesterday so dressed in a one piece red swimsuit with a white wrap round skirt I stretched out on a sun lounger with a book and passed the day reading.
There was no sign of either Avril or my mother which troubled me a bit but then there were several sun decks on the ship and they could have been on any one of them. Hours passed, glancing at the little gold plated watch Mum had thoughtfully provided for me I noted that it was just before five so sliding my book back in my shoulder bag I got up and headed back to my room to get ready for my meeting that night with Mhari.

Back at my room I knocked on Mum’s door just to check on them, Avril opened it.

“Hi stranger where you been all day?” she asked.

“Just relaxing with a book, where’s Mum”

“She’s in the shower.”

“Where were you all day?” I enquired.

“Oh we met another couple from Scotland we were up on their deck just chatting, why?”

“No reason, just wondered.”

“You are coming for dinner with us tonight?”

“Eh yeah but then I need to go and meet Mhari a girl I met at the gym yesterday for a drink.”

“Fine we’ll just party by our self” she said a disturbing little glint in her eye.

“Ok, see you in about an hour” I said turning my back and heading out of the cabin. This bitch was trouble I thought to myself as I crossed the walkway to my cabin.

Tossing my bag into the corner I picked up the TV remote and scanned the channels to see if there were any news programmes. Finding the BBC station I watched on to see if there were any developments back home. Nothing other than the usual update saying there were no new leads on the missing girl and no shots of dad so I hit the shower.

An hour later I was ready, dressed in a slim fitting pastel blue dress with matching 3 inch heels. I transferred my things to a white leather clutch bag and left the cabin. Just as I stepped out Mom and Avril came out of their room looking like two tarts in heat. Mom had an alarming tight short black dress on with a slit up the side and black heels which must have been fully five inches high. Avril on the other hand had a purple lycra type dress on with a black leather panel down each side and heels just as high as Moms.

“Eh you both look smart” I lied.

“Thanks dear” Mom replied.

Avril looked over, “You could have been a bit more adventurous, I mean you’ll never pull like that” she said winking at Mom. They both laughed as they turned and clip, clopped of leaving me to follow behind wondering what the punishment was for throwing someone overboard!

***************************

We made our way to the Balcony Restaurant and found a table overlooking one of the decks below. We sat in silence each scanning the menu as the waiter delivered two glasses of wine for Mom and Avril and a glass of mineral water for me. There starting early I thought to myself but at least there was no sign of the guys they were with last night, but then the night was early and I was not going to be with them all night which concerned me a good deal.

Mom broke the silence “What are you having Tracey” she asked.
“Just an egg salad” I replied.

“You watching your figure” was the instant retort from Avril.

I just smiled and closed the menu lifting my drink and taking a sip before opening my clutch bag and taking out my cigarettes. I lit one inhaling deeply, my lips gripping it so tight with my increasing anger at Avril and her bitchy comments. The thing was though as much as I hated her comment an aspect of it was right. Two weeks ago before all this I would have been first to claim the rather large cheeseburger and chips that the guy was eating at the table across from us or a large steak, but since I had become Tracey I had noted that my food intake both in portion size and in what I ate had definitely altered. Finishing my cigarette I crushed it out in the ashtray just as our food arrived.

Dinner was to its usual high standard, I had noticed however that there had been a noticeable increase in alcohol intake by both Mum and Avril. By the time I was preparing myself to leave then a bottle of red wine had already gone and another was on its way.

“I better go and meet up with Mhari” I said as I rose from the table.

“Have a nice evening” Mum said as I stepped away from the table.

“Don’t wait up” was Avril’s parting shot as I turned and walked away.

The ships decks were busy as I made my way across the boat some passengers just heading out for their evening meal while others were already heading for either the cinema or the cabaret show. I was meeting Mhari at a small bar/club on the far side of the ship. Finding the bar I poked my head inside scanning the couple of dozen people I could not see her so I spotted a small smoking area just along from the ship and decided to have a quick cigarette while I waited. I sat down and lit up blowing some smoke rings into the quickly darkening skies.

“Hi gorgeous” a voice from behind me said.

“Chris, are you stalking me or something” I asked.

“Would it bother you if I was” he replied with a cheeky grin. “You going into Decks” he said pointing to the bar behind.

“Yeah I’m waiting on Mhari a girl I met on board were just going for a couple of drinks and a bit of girly chat” I replied as I took a draw from my cigarette.

“I’m off duty soon and would love to join you but I’ve been on since 5 this morning and I’m shattered”

“Yeah I’m sure you would like to join us but you’re not allowed are you” I said with a playful grin spreading across my face.

“No your right I’m not, but I’m still taking you out for the day in Barcelona” he replied.

“Well”

“Well, well nothing you’re coming and that’s final no arguments we will just have a fun day and be back in time for dinner, ok.”

“Eh Ok” I nodded.

“Good” he stepped forward and bending forward he planted a light kiss on my forehead. “See you Sunday babes and be good” he said as he walked off.

“Tracey” a voice called.

Looking up I saw Mhari approaching.

“You’re a dark horse, landing one of the crew already” she said smiling as she approached.

“Oh, Chris he’s just someone I met when I was having a smoke on deck the other night”

“Looks nice, can you get me one as well” she said with a giggle.

“Let’s go” I said taking her arm and leading her towards the club door.

*********************************************

Our evening was a nice one the music was good we had a few drinks and a good girly chat. We mixed with a few other passengers single and couples we danced laughed and just enjoyed the night. For me it worked a treat as it kept my mind of what might be going on with Mum and Avril while I was out of sight.

“You going ashore tomorrow” Mahri asked as we strolled along the deck on the way back to our cabins.

“Don’t know what mom and Avril are doing.”

“Come with me then, my parents are history freaks they have a couple of museum’s lined up to visit, I just want to hit a few shops.”

I stopped by the rail looking out over the ocean and lit a cigarette “Maybe, but only if you come ashore with me when we dock in Barcelona.”

“Why”

“Well you met Chris tonight well he’s……”

“He’s asked you on a date” she squealed excitedly.

“It’s not a date he just kind of pressured me into it, I’ve not really said yes yet” I said taking a deep drag on the menthol cigarette I blew the smoke out over the ocean.

“But don’t you just want to get him on your own.”

“No I don’t,” I said aware of the fact that a blush was spreading on my face and hoping that Mhari would not see it.

“Well I don’t know I mean three’s a crowd”

“Look that’s the deal I said I come ashore with you tomorrow and you come with me in Barcelona”

She looked at me and smirked “Ok might be fun watching him make his move on you, just tell me when you want me to make myself scarce” she giggled and playfully pushed my arm.

“We have a deal”

“Yes we have a deal” she replied as we continued on our way back to our cabins.

Mhari and I parted soon after with arrangements to meet around midday for our on-shore excursion. Walking along the corridor to my cabin I paused outside Mom’s cabin, should I check if they were back, would that seem like stalking? I paused wondering whether to knock the door or just walk on by. Finally I decided to leave it after all what had happened last night had concerned me enough without any further evidence. The sound of a couple of other passengers descending the stairs behind made up my mind I slipped along the corridor and opened my own cabin and stepped inside closing the door behind me.

“Guess I’ll just have to wonder” I said out loud to myself and began to get ready for bed.

Being Me

By Karin Roberts

The Cruise – Voyage of Discovery

Cruise Diary – Day 4

I pounded the last couple of laps of the running track, stepping over to the rail I bent over clutching my side breathing in the sea air. It was a lovely sunny morning not too warm but bright with a light breeze which gently moved my pony tail. My pony tail I thought just a few days ago I was plain Michael McWilliams and now here I was on a cruise ship with a girls tee-shirt and shorts and very girly white trainers with pink flashes. I had got used to the bounce my fake breasts made as I ran the feeling of my pony tail swishing and the one inch hooped earring’s bumping into my cheek in such a short time it all seemed so natural now.

I looked across the water at Cadiz our port of call for the day the ship was already in the final stages of docking. I could see several cruise ship workers busily readying us for tying up and the disembarking of the passengers for a day’s shopping or sightseeing. In truth Cadiz looked really lovely an armada of small boats in a bay the city spread out into the water on a narrow peninsula. Domed building’s reflected the sun. It all looked so picture perfect and I was looking forward to our day ashore.

Picking up my water bottle and towel I took a sip of water and wiped some small beads of sweat from my forehead. Another couple of passengers pounded past me on the track a breathless “Good Morning” came from them as I walked back towards the entrance back down through the gym and onto the decks below.

As I left the gym Mhari was on her way in.

“Morning Tracey”

“Hi babes, ready for our day ashore” I asked.

“Yip, is your Mum and Avril coming as well”

“Don’t know I was up early this morning so I’ve not seen them”

“Your date tomorrow getting you all excited” she playfully asked.

I blushed “Yeah ok, but your still coming” I replied as she passed me.

“See you around 11” she called back as the door swung closed behind her and I walked back to my cabin.

Back in my cabin I took a quick shower and dried my hair. I slipped on an underwired white lacy bra with matching panties. I sat down at the dresser and worked on my makeup, just light day foundation a dusting of powder and a little pale blush. I dusted my eyelids with a cream eye shadow with a darker brown in the corner of the eye. A quick application of some mascara and then a nude lipstick on my lips and I was ready to finish dressing.

I picked a gypsy style white skirt it was wide and flowing with an elasticated waist. It had a laced pattern panel across the hem of the skirt and a narrow line of sequins ran in a hoop around the whole skirt about 3 inches above the hem. For my top I choose spaghetti strapped top which had pleats running down it in a rather nice coral shade and slipped it over my head letting it fall over my body. I tucked the top into the skirt and finished off with a plain white bolero type shirt which I tied in a neat bow across my midriff. I anticipated a bit of walking around today so I slipped on a pair of flat sandals the strap fitting snuggly between my toes I was ready for the day’s adventure.

Leaving my cabin my first stop was back to the mall to replenish my stock of VS cigarettes, that task completed I headed to the gangway to await my fellow companions for the day. Mhari was first to turn up in a rather nice yellow sun dress with flat sandals like mine with a leather strap across the toes decorated in little yellow and pink flowers.

“Good run this morning” I asked as we kissed each other on the cheek and had a short hug.

“Yeah it was good not busy nice and quiet and not too warm either, no sign of the others” she asked.

“No I’ve not seen them all morning I skipped breakfast and never went to their cabin so no idea what they got up to last night” I replied.

“Their relationship seems to bother you” Mhari asked.

“It’s just well you know mum’s a married woman, Avril’s a single party girl, and I just don’t want her leading mum astray” I said pulling a cigarette from the pack and lighting it I blew a cloud of smoke to the sky.

“Married women can have fun as well, look at my mum she’s has friends they all enjoy a good night out once your married you don’t have to become a nun” Mhari said a bit sternly.

“I suppose” I replied taking another draw on my cigarette and looking aimlessly across the dock.

“Anyway here they come” Mhari said casting a glance down the deck she waved.

I looked along the deck my mouth dropped a bit, just what the fuck did Avril have on or more importantly what was she not wearing!!

“Morning girls sleep well,” mum said as they reached us, “Never saw you at breakfast “she went on looking at me.

“Eh no I skipped breakfast” I somehow said while my eyes sort of trained on Avril.

“Let’s go” Mhari said as we began to disembark the ship.

I let them pass and followed on in the rear, my eye’s still trained on Avril, she had a cropped top on just a band really across her chest the jiggle of her breasts as she moved confirmed for me without checking that there was no bra under there. Her shorts well how can I describe them they were black leather so tight around the crotch and the back had a lace panel in pink and white nothing could be seen but that didn’t matter too much as they were so tight part of her arse cheeks popped out one side at a time as she walked down along the shore. There’s a saying in my country mutton dressed as lamb this was definitely one of those cases and while a teenager might have got away with such a get up Avril was a bit too old for such an outfit, today might be a long day, Avril was out to get attention I thought, just as the first wolf whistle from the dockers split my eardrums.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Cadiz was lovely a maze of narrow streets, it seemed as if they had tried to pack as much as possible onto the small peninsula. The “Old Town” in particular had a typically Spanish charm about it packed with little shops, café’s, bustling with people. I had tried to put Avril’s attire out of my mind but with locals and tourists alike casting frequent glances at her as we walked along the narrow street’s it was hard to do. Mhari by this time had sensed my disgust at Avril,

“Just ignore it” she said as Mum and Avril checked out a small shop.

“I’m trying” I replied “But I mean”

“She does have a good figure” Mhari said as she looked across at them.

“I’m not saying she doesn’t but there is a limit” I replied pulling a cigarette from my bag and lighting up. “I mean even I wouldn’t wear shorts like that so at her age” I asked gesturing towards her my cigarette clasped between my outstretched fingers.

Mhari laughed a bit “Jealousy is a wonderful thing” she said shaking her head at me as I pulled a face and took a draw from my cigarette.

With Mum and Avril back in the group we decided we had seen enough of “Old Cadiz” and grabbed a taxi down into the “New Town.” The shops were larger and more fashionable lots of what were probably chain stores in Spain as well as a few more high class designer stores. Strolling along we reached what looked like one of the more exclusive fashion boutiques. All four of us going inside for a look around we mingled among the rows of dresses and skirts, shirts etc. Each one of us moving around, looking at items that took our eye.

The silence was shattered by “Tracey come here a minute dear” it was Mom calling from somewhere near the back of the shop. I looked around spotting her and Avril and walked over.

“That would look absolutely stunning on you” my Mom said pointing to a dress on a mannequin just in front of her I looked at the dress, it had a black top with one shoulder strap on the right shoulder at first it looked like the top was latex but then I realised it was just a shiny soft leather. The leather ran to the waist where it joined a straight skirt with what I later realised had a split up the left leg to about mid- thigh.

“Go and try it on Tracey it’s just your size” Mom said.

“I think it looks more like Avril’s type of thing” I said with an edge of sarcasm.

“Don’t be silly dear, Avril’s taller than you it would be too short for her” Mom said flashing a smile at Avril as I squirmed.
“Yeah Tracey try it on I’ve not treated you to anything yet” Avril said looking me right in the eye.

“No it’s ok” I said

“Nonsense” Avril said picking up one from the rail beside “Here try it on” she thrust it towards me; I looked for help glancing at Mhari she just raised her eyes a bit and left me to squirm.

I took the dress from Avril and looked around spotting what I assumed was a changing room I headed over and stepped inside. I hung it up on the hanger and looked at it. Mom and Avril were right it was stunning in fact if I had been back home it is just the type of dress Michael McWilliams would have dreamed of owning if not even getting the chance to wear it.

I undressed and quickly got myself into the new dress carefully smoothing it down as I looked in the mirror I could feel a stirring in my lower loins, not now I said trying to calm my heart rate as I closed the last half inch of the zip. The soft leather felt exhilarating against my skin as I moved out of the changing room and into view.

“Oh it is absolutely just gorgeous and fits so well” my Mom said as I stood like some sort of prize animal on show. She fussed around me straightening a bit there tugging a little there in the background I could see Mhari and Avril exchanging a couple of words a smile creeping across Avril’s face as she watched me suffer a bit more.

“We will take it” my Mom announced to a middle aged shop assistant who had edged into view.

“No Mom really I saw the price it’s quite expensive” I said as I tried to get out of it.

“Don’t be silly Avril’s buying” she said “It’s not often she opens her purse” My Mom said winking at a laughing Avril “Now go and get changed” she said as she edged me back to the dressing room.

I walked back in not only was I now the proud owner of a stunning dress I also had that bitch to thank for buying it sometimes life just sucks.

Several minutes later having kissed Avril on the cheek, and expressed my thanks, we were heading along the main shopping area. Me of course I’m in rather a foul mood having to kiss Avril and thank her got under my skin, it’s just a matter of course now everything Avril does gets under my skin.

Avril and Mom caught up with us “Hey what about a spot of lunch and a drink before we head back to the ship” my Mom asked.

“Eh think I’ll skip lunch” I said.

“Skip breakfast, skip lunch that dress will soon be too big for you,” Avril said.

I drew her a look ignoring the dig I went on “No really I wanted to see Santa Catalina Castle, it’s in one of the James Bond films” I said. I wasn’t lying I did really want to see it and it seemed an ideal opportunity to get away for a bit.

“It’s ok, I’ll go with her” Mhari said looking towards the others.

“You sure” mom said.
“Yeah I’ll see you back at the ship for dinner” I said turning away from the group.

Me and Mhari found a taxi I asked the driver to take us to the castle, the journey was silent with me looking out the window trapped in my thoughts still a bit upset with Avril and her constant digs at me.

Finally we reached the Castle we got out and headed inside I pulled out my camera and began taking a few shots while Mhari held my bags. Once I had taken my fill of pictures I went back to Mhari.

“Want to talk about it,” she said

“What”

“Come on you’ve been antsy since we left those two behind. Here let’s get a seat over there in the sun and you can have a cigarette to cool off or something, I’ll get us a coke or something from that little gift shop we passed.”

I walked over and sat down on my own pulling out my cigarettes I lit one and inhaled trying to let the smoke invade my brain and wipe out Avril.

Mhari was back just as I crushed out the ciggie.

She handed me the can and I opened it taking a swig of the cool liquid a single drop running down my chin.

“Look here’s the way I see it” Mhari began, “You have been on board since Sunday, right” I nodded.

“Ok so we are now at Thursday, we are at sea tomorrow and in Barcelona on Saturday and Sunday. We are back at sea on Sunday night and dock on Tuesday when you leave the ship on Tuesday, right?” she asked again I nodded.

“Ok so given that you will probably need Monday to revert then why are you letting Avril ruin your last three days?”

I heard what she said but it didn’t quite register at first.

My heart was beating so fast it felt it would burst from my chest.

“She told you didn’t she” I shouted a slight tear coming from one eye. “The bitch I knew it back in the shop that little snide conversation the fucking bitch” I shouted.

Mhrai grabbed my wrist “Calm down Tracey look people are watching” she said.

I glanced around a couple of tourists looked over at the two British girls having an argument.

“Sit down” she said again.

I sat reached for my bag and pulled out the cigarettes my fingers trembled as I pulled one out and put it in my lips I fumbled for the lighter tried to get it to work a tear tracking it’s way down my cheek.

“Here let me” Mahri said taking the lighter from me she flicked it into life and lit my cigarette.
“Can I have one?” she asked.

“You don’t smoke” I said as I exhaled.

“I do sometimes” she took one out and lit it.

“How did you know then” I asked.

“Well I was on deck when you came aboard I saw Avril and your Mom and low and behold there was a boy pushing their luggage”

“So you’ve known all along.”

“Well not really the first morning I met you in the gym I just took you as Tracey it was only when I saw you all together I put two and two together” she stopped taking a draw of the cigarette.

“So why did you not say anything, and did it not scare you here was a guy dressing up as a girl, bit spooky is it not” I asked.

“It’s your life, so tell me then do you do it all the time?”

I went on to tell her about my arrival on ship with only girl’s clothes my first day transformation and how I had been caught by Mom and Avril before.

“I can see why you maybe hate Avril so much” she said taking out another cigarette and lighting it. “But this must be a dream come true for someone with your feeling’s” she said.

I smiled “I suppose it’s more than that, it’s been the chance of a lifetime but don’t you find it strange does it not shock you” I asked.

“You’ve not travelled much have you” she asked blowing a cloud of smoke to the floor.

“Not really this is just me second time abroad the other was when I was seven”

“Well my Dad’s travelled most of his life sometimes we stay at home other times we go with him, your what 18” she asked I nodded.

“Well I’m 23 soon and when I was about 17 he had a year in London, I spent about 6 month’s down there with him, trust me you see it all in London there’s clubs gay bars you run into a few Crossdressers or Transsexuals from time to time. Then when I was 21 he was posted to Thailand, Bangkok, I’m sure you know all about that place with your interests.” she asked, I nodded.

“Well I met hundreds of Lady Boy’s while I was out there I even slept with one, one night.”

This time it was me to look shocked I grabbed a cigarette and lit it.

“You slept with one, are you gay or what”

“No I’m most definitely bi-sexual I mean after all the Lady boys have a cock, but they are so stunning some are far more beautiful than the women out there and a lot more available.” She went on “Anyway I like women I like guys I like both” she said squeezing my arm.

I tensed a bit “Look its ok I’m not hitting on you, you’re not my type Tracey or oh what is your real name anyway?”

“Michael” I said softly.

“Ok Tracey Michael you’re not my type, well maybe Michael might be, but I doubt it as I usually go for big muscular Rugby playing types or guy’s with really big cock’s and I guess no insult intended that you are neither as you seem so flat down there.”

I blushed a bit “Well I’ve played rugby but you might be right about the other thing.”

She laughed a bit “Anyway if I wanted anyone in your party it would be Avril she is so hot she could have her head stuck between my legs anytime”

I blushed again “Too much information” I said.

Mhari looked at her watch “Look I think we better head back and it doesn’t matter you secret is safe with me and I just want you to relax and enjoy the rest of the trip after all as you said it’s the chance of a lifetime.”

I smiled and looked at her I reached in and kissed her on the cheek.

“Thanks for that” I said.

“No problem, we still friends” I nodded “Ok let’s get going”

We stood and walked towards the exit to the castle as we did Mhari took my hand and squeezed it I looked at her and smiled as we walked hand in hand to the taxi rank.

Being Me

By Karin Roberts

The Cruise – Voyage of Discovery

Cruise Diary – Day 5

I woke with a slight start a noise outside in the corridor, it passed. I looked at the clock just gone 8am.

Yesterday had been a strange day it had started so well, I had really been looking forward to Cadiz and my trip ashore. The end though with Mhari confirming her knowledge of my true gender had knocked me a bit sideways.

We had come back to the ship by taxi from our visit to Santa Catalina Castle, there was little in the way of conversation and only a brief hug goodbye once we re-boarded the ship. I had intended to go back to my cabin and freshen up before dinner I mean I had eaten nothing all day. Back in the cabin I had flicked through the TV channels finally finding BBC News and managed to catch a brief segment which said that Dad’s case was still on-going and that the police were following a new line of enquiry. I so hoped that he would get a happy ending to it and find the two missing girls.

I sat on the bed tiredness seemed to sweep over me I lay down for a few seconds just to rest a little, maybe it was the stress of my showdown with Mhari or indeed just the events of the last 5 days that were catching up with me but sleep came quickly. It was about 4 hours later when I woke up again I looked at the clock, it was nearly 10pm too late for dinner now but I was famished. I looked around the room managed to come up with a couple of packets of those little complimentary biscuits, I made a coffee and ate the biscuits.

I finished the night by popping out on deck for a cigarette there was a slight chill in the air I could see some lights on the shoreline as the ship sailed on having left Cadiz. I lit my cigarette and leaned over the rail of the ship, I’m not sure why but emotion took over and I could feel myself start to cry. I must have been sobbing a bit too loud suddenly a male voice said,

“Are you ok dear?”

I turned a middle aged couple stood in front of me, my hand went to my eye’s it wiped away a tear I could see a mascara smudge on my finger.

“Eh, yes, I’m fine, eh boyfriend trouble” I quickly spouted out thinking on my feet.

“Oh we all have that dear” the lady said “I mean look at what I ended up” with she said she jokingly said nudging her husband.

“Yeah that’s right you girls stick together” he said.

“No I’m fine really thanks for stopping” I said.

“If you’re sure then” she said

“Yeah I’ll be fine, have a good night” I said as they started back on their way along the deck.

I took a final drag of my cigarette and extinguished it and headed back to my cabin, half an hour later I was back in dreamland.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

I lay there thinking about what Mhari had said to me yesterday, I was confident that she would keep my secret to herself and that she would still be a friend for the rest of the trip. But everything she had said was correct here I was living the dream, something that I could never have thought possible just ten days ago. Up until then there had been snatched opportunities to let Tracey out of her box. Now here was Tracey living a day to day life and I was letting Avril ruin part of it for me.

At best I probably had 3-4 days left before Tracey would be packed away back into her box and who knows when she would be let back out again. Probably never in as up front a setting as this so it was time to get on with it and make the most of the next few days.

I slipped out from the warm covers and pulled the small nightdress I was wearing over my head dropping it on top of the bed. I looked down at the body I had been living in for the last few days the breasts that would soon be gone, today was a new day. I opened my drawer and took out some fresh plain undies, on the radiator by my bed was a sports bra I had washed it was dry so I pulled it over my chest and then looked for a top and shorts for today’s gym visit. Once dressed I freshened up my appearance in the mirror a quick brush of my hair, tie it back into its pony tail and then grabbing a towel and a water bottle I left the cabin to begin a new day.

The gym was quiet when I arrived; I filled my water bottle from the cooler in the corner and began with some stretching exercises before I did 10 minutes or on some weights before heading out into the morning sun. Mhari had already beaten me too it and was on the small track I waved across as she made her way round to me.

“Morning you ok” I asked as I joined her on her run.

“Yeah fine you sleep ok” she asked.

“Yeah I just flaked out when I got back to the room, dunno must have been all of yesterday getting to me”

“Well you know you can trust me?” she asked.

“I know and thanks, and you were right I am letting Avril ruin it a bit but no more.”

“Good girl now let’s pick up the pace a bit and I will race you a couple of laps” with that she was off and I was left to catch her up.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Our workout for the day complete I left Mhari agreeing to meet in a couple of hours to do some sun worshipping up by the pool on the top deck. I took a quick shower back in the cabin and changed into a tight yellow one piece swimsuit. I pulled a pair of white linen shorts over it and then tidied up my hair and makeup, before slipping on a pale yellow sun shirt leaving it open at the front I stepped into a pair of flat sandals and picked up my bag and a novel and headed for breakfast.

I spotted Mom and Avril as soon as I stepped out of the cabin.

“You going for Breakfast” I called.

“Yes dear, want to join us”

I nodded and followed them along the deck till we reached one of the numerous restaurants that opened for breakfast. We waited in line while several other passengers made their choice from the self-service buffet that was available. I picked up a tray and took a small box of breakfast cereal with a carton of milk, there were small bowls of freshly cut fruit so I helped myself to a bowl with peaches and pears in it before taking yoghurt and a bottle of water. The three of us walked over and took a table at the front of the restaurant overlooking the front of the ship. From there you could see the power of the ship white waves spreading off each side as it cut its way through the water.

“What did you get up to last night Avril” asked as she opened her cereal.

“Actually it was pretty boring I was so tired after Cadiz I just fell asleep in the room and by the time I woke up it was too late to do anything, what did you do ?.

“Not a lot had a few drinks, had a few more, picked up a couple of guys and had wild passionate sex.” Avril said.

I almost choked on my first spoonful of breakfast.

“Ignore her Tracey, we just had dinner and a couple of glasses of wine” Mom said drawing a smirking Avril a look as she squeezed my hand.

“So what are you up to today” Mom asked.

“Just chilling on the sun deck with Mhari, nothing much what about you two” I asked.

“Don’t know maybe catch a movie or have a swim, you joining us for dinner tonight?”

“Maybe I’ll let you know later on” I said finishing of my breakfast I picked up my dishes and got up. “Enjoy your movie or swim I’ll catch you both later” I went on.

“Ok have a good day” Mom said as I walked off.

Leaving my dishes on the server, I headed back to my room stopping off for a cigarette I eventually got back to my room and flicked on the TV looking for an update on Dad’s case there was nothing so I switched off the TV and picking up a novel I had been reading I dropped it in my bag and grabbed a towel before heading to the sundeck to meet Mhari.

The sun deck was crowded already by the time I got there I spotted Mhari near the back and went to join her. She was already relaxing on a sun-lounger.

“Hi babes here I reserved you a lounger” she said as I got to her.

“Thanks it’s busy up here” I said.

I sat down and slipped of my shirt and dropped it on the lounger, standing I unbuttoned the shorts and stepped out of them before folding both garments and storing them under the lounger with my bag I kept the towel and my novel with me before settling back on the warm canvas.

“Let’s hope it’s a nice quiet day” I said.

“I’ll second that” Mhari said as we began our day of relaxation.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The day passed exactly as we had planned, a couple of trips over to the bar to collect cool drinks and some ice cream otherwise we spent the day side by side. The events of yesterday were as if nothing had happened to any onlookers watching on all they saw were two girls relaxing in the sun, sometimes chatting sometimes quite but nothing other than that.

I glanced at my watch it was nearly half past three. I turned to look at Mhari who had nodded off about 20 minutes ago.

“Mhari you awake” I asked.

“Yeah sorry I just dozed for a bit there”

“Are we doing anything tonight” I asked.

“Sorry babes I can’t Dad has wangled us a place at the Captains Table tonight so I’m booked for the evening”

“Oh very posh” I said reaching over and poking her in the arm with my book.

“Yeah well what can I say, not that I’m looking forward to it that much mixing with a few snobs probably over dressed and talking rubbish but there we go.”

“So we will still be ok for our trip tomorrow” I asked nervously.

“Yeah don’t worry I’ll be good and won’t overdo the free wine, I’ll get you at the usual place. Have you seen or heard from Chris about tomorrow.” She asked.

“No I think I saw him over by the Bar earlier today”

“You looking forward to it” she asked shielding her eyes from the sun as she looked over at me.

“In a way” I said.

“Well just remember play it cool, he has no idea about you and personally I think you should keep it that way if you know what I mean”

“I intend to, just a day ashore with friends, nothing more” I said.

Mahri stretched and got up from the lounger.

“I better make a move, need to make myself look glamorous for tonight” she said striking a little pose as she picked up her towel and water bottle.

“Well enjoy your night and I’ll see you tomorrow” I said as she playfully blew a kiss at me and walked towards the staircase back to her deck.

I stayed on for another half hour or so before heading back to my cabin I guess it was a night with Mom and Avril for me.

Opening the cabin door I stepped inside not noticing a first a piece of paper lying on the floor. I dropped my stuff on the bed and looked in the mirror untying my pony tail I ran my fingers through my hair and yawned, it had not been an energetic day but sometimes the sun drains you of energy.

Turning I spotted the folded bit of paper I picked it up and opened it;

Hi Princess

Saw you on deck today catching some sun you looked hot !!!

Looking forward to our day out tomorrow, as you know crew and passengers are not really supposed to mix so I will meet you on shore.

There is a Bar not that far from the dock it’s called “La Fonda” if you need to ask directions it’s at Del Port Olympic by the Mal De Mestral. I will meet you there around 11.00.

See you then Princess.

Chris xxx

I pushed the not into a drawer and began to undress in one way I was looking forward to tomorrow in another I was apprehensive. At least though I would have Mhari there as chaperone so if anything got out of hand I did have some back-up. For now though it was time to get ready and a night of putting up with Avril.

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After a shower I pulled on a pair of shorts and a tee-shirt and padded across the corridor to check on Mum and Avril. I knocked on the door there was no answer I tried the handle it was open. Pushing open the door I stepped inside.

“Mum” I called out.

The bathroom was just on your right as you walked in I could hear water running the shower probably.
“Mum you in there” I called again.

“Yes dear just taking a shower have a seat I’ll be out in a couple of minutes.”

I walked into the room the two single beds were off to the right, lingerie was strewn across both beds, I sat down picking up a couple of pieces and folding them they didn’t look like Moms probably Avril I thought as the bra looked too big for Mum I sat and waited.

A few minutes later Mum appeared a towel wrapped around her body and head.

“You ok” she asked as she crossed over and placed a kiss on my forehead.

“Yeah fine, I just wanted to find out when you were going up to dinner tonight; Mhari is having dinner at the Captains Table tonight so….”

“Oh very nice” Mum said as undid the towel around her head and began to dry her hair.

“Me and Avril are going to go along to that old fashioned theme pub in the Mall; they do some traditional British dishes so we figured we would try it out and then have a few drinks then maybe head up to the top deck bar for another couple before bed.”

“Fine by me” I said as I heard the door opening and Avril stepped inside.

“Tracey’s” going to join us tonight” Mum said, turning to look at Avril as she walked across the room.

Avril just smiled and sat on the other side of the bed from me.

“We will see you at the Mall around 8” Mum said.

“Yeah no problem I’ll go and relax a bit then meet you there” I said rising from the bed I walked across the room.

“Ok see you then dear”

Leaving the cabin I checked my watch I had at least an hour or so to spare before I needed to get ready, I grabbed my purse and cigarettes from my room and slipping on some sandals set off to call Dad.

After a quick cigarette I found the phone booths and put in a call back home the phone rang.

Dad answered some noise in the background voices a male then a female.

“Dad you ok, it’s Michael” I said.

“Yeah fine champ” whose there I asked.

“Just me and a few other officers we came home to grab a bite to eat before going back in” he said.

“Any progress” I asked.

“Can’t say anything mate just let’s say I’m a bit happier today than I was yesterday I have a feeling this might be over soon”

“Good”

“You having a good time on holiday”

“Yeah it’s been cool, I’m just about to head back to get ready for dinner” I said.

“Well you keep those two in check” he said as the noise in the background got a bit louder.

“I will, and good luck hope you get a result soon” I said.

“So do I mate so do I now take care that’s another couple of my guy’s turned up so I better get back to the kitchen before they clean me out”

“Ok Dad take care” I said putting the receiver back.

I strolled along the deck for a few minutes then headed back to the cabin. What would my night with Avril be like tonight?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Back in my cabin I got ready for the night ahead, I stripped out of my underwear and found a fresh pair of white cotton panties I pulled them up my smooth legs and sat at the dresser. I had already decided on my dress for the night. Mom’s thoughtfulness before the holiday meant that the red dress I had so lusted after all those weeks back at home was in my case and now safely in my wardrobe.

I applied some fresh foundation and a liberal dusting of some powder. It’s amazing how quickly you can apply makeup when you become more used to it. Fifteen minutes later I had quite dramatically outlined my eyes and used two colours of blue eye shadow to blend a nice evening look. My lashes were coated in mascara and my lips a scarlet red as I finished off by coating my lips with some light clear gloss. I took a bottle of matching red nail varnish from my makeup bag and began painting my extended nails, another 15 minutes and nails dry it was time to get fully dressed.

The dressed slipped on a bit easier than my first wearing which was probably down to the increased exercise I had recently and the fact that I had been eating mostly rabbit food on this voyage. I closed the clasp at the neck and tied the tiers leaving a couple of inches to drop down my bare back. I adjusted the front to ensure that I was covered down there. This dress did not allow for a bra so it was important I was adequately covered. Happy with the look I selected a pair of red three inch heels (another of my Mom’s thoughtful purchases) and pulled them on to my feet standing I straightened the front of the dress as it fell to an inch or so above my ankles.

Picking up a black leather clutch bag I dropped in my cigarettes plus a fresh pack my lighter and a few make up items so that I could freshen up during the night, the last being a rather nice perfume Mum had provided which I liberally sprayed over my neck and wrists before dropping it in the bag.. I was ready for the evening ahead, flicking off the light switch I closed the cabin door and headed towards the Mall to meet Mum and Avril.

I stopped outside the Mall for a quick cigarette before stepping inside, it didn’t take me long to locate Mom and Avril in a traditional English style Pub. Mom waved from both by the back as I walked over to join them. Drinks were already on the table as I arrived.

“Can I get you both another drink” I asked as I reached the table.

“No I’ll get you one” Mom said rising from her seat she passed me on route to the bar.

I slid into the booth Avril opposite me.

“That’s a nice dress, it suits you” Avril said smiling at me.

“Thanks” I replied.

“I’m sure I’ve seen you wear it before” Avril said another smile breaking out on her face.

I blushed, FUCK, I mean how stupid could I have been thinking back to that day a couple of months ago when Avril walked in on me. I mean life is bad enough with her around without actually giving her bullets to fire!

I ignored it as Mom arrived back and placed a large glass of white wine in front of me I mumbled my thanks and took a drink from the glass.

“Let’s get something to eat, I’m famished” Mom said as she signalled for a waiter to come over.

The meal passed of quite normally after that I had a fantastic steak which crumbled in my mouth as I ate it. The conversation had been ok no more jibes just normal dinner talk as we enjoyed our meal. A few drink’s later we were ready to move on and we all left the bar to head upstairs to one of the bar / clubs.

“The Gallery Club” was on the fourth deck right at the front of the ship it was quiet when we arrived a few empty tables and with hardly anyone occupying the small dance floor. We chose our table and I visited the bar to get some drinks. Except for Avril’s one jibe earlier the night in truth was going reasonably well soon though that was to change.

We had been there around an hour and were on our second drink when Avril managed to catch the eye of two gentlemen sitting at a table close by. Soon they had joined us two Portuguese business men on a week’s break; both of them I would have said were in their early forties and keen for some company for the evening. Their command of English was superb so there was problems with understanding they wanted to have some fun for the night and at least from Avril’s reception of them so did we !!

Quite a few drinks later Avril had herself perched on one of the guy’s knees the other was keeping me and Mom entertained with lots of conversation, while some of it was witty and interesting a lot of it resolved around him and only him with little or no interest in us. Suddenly he gripped my hand and pulled me upwards.

“We dance” he said pulling me gently towards the dance floor.

I resisted shaking my head but he insisted, soon I was on the small dance floor as Madonna’s “Crazy for You” echoed across the deck. His hand rested on the small of my back as he guided me around the dance floor the other gently holding my other hand as we moved to the music.

As the song went on I glanced across at Mom she had a look of thunder on her face as she pulled a cigarette form her bag and lit it blowing smoke in the night air. Something was wrong but what I was not sure was it Avril’s behaviour as by this time she seemed to be trying to climb into the other guys ear or was it the fact that her son was being guided around the floor by a guy and she was left out. The music was reaching its closing bars so before he had the chance to insist on a repeat performance I dropped turned and while still holding his hand led him back to the table.

As we got back he insisted in buying another round of drinks I declined the offer but he headed off anyway I sat down beside Mom.

“You ok” I asked as another track started up.

“Yeah I’m fine darling” she replied crushing out her near finished cigarette in the ashtray.

“Listen I’m going to go, me and Mhari are hitting the town tomorrow; I suppose you two will be as well?” I asked.

“Yeah probably”

“Are you staying here” I asked.

“For a little while someone’s got to keep Avril in check” she said looking over my shoulder.

“Yeah I suppose so” I said picking up my bag and rising from the table.

“I’ll come in and see you in the morning” I went on, “Maybe we can have breakfast”

“Ok we’ll see, enjoy your day with Mhari if we don’t make it” she said as she got up and planted a kiss on my forehead.

I could see my dance partner begin to leave the bar and head back.

“Eh can you make my apologies for me” I said to Mom nodding in his direction.

“No problem dear you have a nice sleep and we will catch up tomorrow.”

“Thanks” I said turning and heading towards the stairs I began to head back towards my cabin. I made a brief stop on our deck for a final cigarette of the evening staring out over the dark sea I thought about tomorrow, glancing at my watch it was actually today. In a few hours I would be going on my first date well Mhari was coming as well but Chris was not really aware of that but it was a date of sorts and something just a few weeks ago was a fantasy way beyond my wildest dreams. Taking a final draw from my cigarette I extinguished it and walked back to the cabin. Tomorrow was going to be a big day.

Being Me

By Karin Roberts

The Cruise – Voyage of Discovery

Cruise Diary – Day 6

It was barely light when I woke up the next morning. From bed I reached out and grabbed the remote and switched on the TV. Flicking through the channels I looked for BBC News hoping there might be something about Dad. Nothing just the usual stuff employment problems issues with the economy stuff that probably should have interested me but didn’t.

I had hoped that given last night I had probably consumed more alcohol than was normal for me, that I would sleep a bit longer but call it excitement call it nerves about the day ahead I was wide awake and craving a cigarette. I slipped out of bed and checked my hair in the mirror, not too bad a few strokes from a hairbrush twist it into a ponytail and it looked ok. I pulled a tee shirt from the dresser and a pair of fresh shorts dressing quickly I slipped on some flat sandals and picking up my purse and cigarettes I slipped out of the cabin.

The deck was literally deserted a few crew staff making their way to their place of work for the day a couple of passengers I recognised heading towards the gym for their morning exercise. I found a smoking area and sat down pulling out a cigarette I lit it and coughed a little not the best way to start the day and not the way I usually would, but today I needed a hit to get me underway. Relaxing back I looked across at Barcelona where I would be spending the day.

Was it fear, was it excitement that was running though my veins this morning you decide. I was about to probably do something I never thought possible in the past. A date with a guy as Tracey, ok I had Mhari there as back up to keep me safe, my shield in case anything untoward went on, but it was still a big thing. I took a final draw from the cigarette and crushed it out. I couldn’t be bothered meeting up with Mom or Avril this morning from breakfast beside they were probably still sleeping of last night hangover and Mom had seemed in a funny mood last night. So I headed over to one of the breakfast bars deciding just to buy a couple of thing’s for breakfast. A few minutes later I was headed back to the safety of my cabin with some fresh fruit, cereal and fruit juice to prepare for the day ahead.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Time seemed to drag that morning but eventually it was tie to head off butterfly’s were performing high speed aerobatics’ in my stomach, or so it felt as I left the cabin. I had spent ages getting ready chopping and changing my mind on what I was going to wear, all the signs pointed to an excited girl on a date so I guess I was fitting the role well. Eventually after ages on my make-up I wore a white linen skirt not too tight or short but above the knee anyway, a cream camisole top with spaghetti straps and a white tie front shirt over it. To finish of the outfit I had a brown pleated belt and sandals I had worn before with ties that twisted up each leg to knee height. I got to the meeting point early and after the obligatory nervous cigarette I searched in my bag for some breath mints and after a liberal spray of perfume I awaited Mhari’s arrival.
“Hi stranger, missed you this morning” Mhari announced on her arrival.

“I gave it a miss this morning” I said taking a hold of her arm as we began to descend to the shore.

“You looking forward to the day” she asked as we walked to the port exit.

“I am but I’m glad that you are here for back up” I said.

“It will be fine and you look great by the way so let’s have fun” she said as she hailed flagged down a taxi.

Within five minutes we were walking towards the bar that Chris had agreed to meet me at. We walked inside I scanned the bar looking for him spotting him at a table by the side I waved.

“I’ll get us a drink, what do you want” Mhari asked.

“Just a coke” I said turning and heading towards Chris.

He got up and took my hand leaning forward he kissed my cheek.

“Hi Princess, did you find the place ok”

“No problem, look I hope you don’t mind Mhari coming along with us” I asked gesturing towards the bar.

I could see a slight look of disappointment in his face.

“Eh, no that’s fine, grab a seat” he said.

I slid into the table as Mhari came back.

We chatted away for about half an hour before Chris suggested we get the City Tour.

“The tour is good you can get off where you want then get back on, the coach leaves from just the other side of the dock from here”.

We both nodded our agreement and the three of us left the bar walking in a line to the departure point. Ten minutes later we were on the bus upstairs Chris sat by my side Mhari in front his arm along the back of the seat behind me as we pulled away from Port Olimpic.

We followed a route along the sandy seafront of Barcelona before heading in to the new technology area of the site with impressive new building’s. We passed historic buildings before we came to an urban park. From there it was back into the city and more historic architecture before we headed towards Catlunya Square. Chris suggested we got off there and take a walk down Las Ramblas before continuing the tour. We had been on route for about 40 minutes and it was getting close to noon. Chris suggested some lunch so we found a small café overlooking the square and sat admiring the buz and energy of the city. We ate a light lunch then headed down Las Ramblas, Chris took my hand Mahri immediately noticed it and I could see her raise her eyebrows as we walked along.

I was entranced by the sights and sounds of Las Ramblas, the stalls the street entertainers the beauty of the tree lined street all adding to the thrill of my day. I was aware Mhari had taken a few steps back and was very much just following us letting Chris and me lead the way hand in hand in fact to some observers she might not have even been with us. It was only as we stopped and paused to look at a stall or entertainer that the three of us were really together.

We both bought a couple of little items off a jewellery stall Mahri investing in a pair of cute earring’s while I bought a nice little bangle, Chris being the gentleman offered to pay for both but we declined as we made our way back up the street to the square.

The day was heating up back at Catlunya Square once more; Chris spotted a McDonalds and announced he was off to pick us up some drinks. Me and Mhari sat on the edge of a fountain. I opened my bag and took out my cigarettes.

“Can I have one as well” Mhari asked.

“Sure” I said offering her the open pack.

We lit up and sat waiting for Chris.

“So has your day been good so far” she asked.

“Yeah I’ve enjoyed it but I’m glad you are here for support” I added.

“He does like you” she said as she took a drag from her cigarette.

“Yeah I know but I would be willing to bet that he’s done all this before, another cruise another girl I’m not silly enough to think that there is anything special between us,” as I flicked some ash from the tip of my cigarette.

“Would you like it to go somewhere,” she asked.

“Well even if I did I can’t can I, I mean you know the truth, it’s just an experience that I never ever dreamed I would have, all those day’s dressing at home I could never have imagined to have been in a situation like this sitting here with you and on a type of date with a man,” slipping the cigarette between my lips I inhaled deeply.

“So what’s the future for Tracey” she asked.

“Who knows, in a couple of day’s I will be back home and all this will be over and it’s back to normal Michael.” I said taking a last draw of the cigarette I stood and stubbed it out on a bin.

“Hey you two grab a drink and let’s get over to the stop the bus will be here soon”

Chris had returned with three large cokes, we all grabbed one and headed over to the stop to begin our tour again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Chris explained that the tour was two separate routes an east and west tour we would skip on to the other route now and see some other parts of the city. Upstairs the seating arrangement was the same Mhari in front me and Chris behind her.

We set off past Barcelona’s own version of the Arc De Triomf the tour guide announcing each site as we passed it the city zoo, a botanical garden, the Olympic Stadium, the main Railway station the tour went on.

“The Nou Camp” is next” Chris announced, “You girl’s into football want to get off and have a look around”

Now normally I would be the first down the stairs for the bit Tracey was different in fact it was Mhari that was out of her seat first and heading towards the stairs.

“Ok let’s go then babe” I said taking Chris’s hand we stood up and started towards the front of the bus. I could see the impressive huge stadium looming up in front of us. Mhari was just visible her head just disappearing down the stairs.

Suddenly there was a crash and a sudden squealing of pain.

“Mhari” I called.

“Here hold this Princess” Chris said handing me the remnants of his coke he moved quickly forward.

I reached the top of the stairs just behind him below I could see Mhari in a heap a tour guide already with her holding her hand.

“My leg” she said a grimace of pain on her face.

The bus had stopped and by now several passengers were crowded around the scene as I edged down the stairs. Gingerly someone helped her to her feet Chris supporting her back as she got up. She was helped from the bus I could see some blood coming from a slight gash on her arm. A Tour Guide and Chris guided her to a seat outside a café. Chris went inside as I got there.

“What happened” I asked.

“My heel just got caught in my skirt, and down I went” she said as she grimaced in some pain.

“I twisted my knee I think” she said as Chris came back with a large glass of water.

“Here drink this” he said putting it in front of her while he went to speak to the driver and Guide who were by the bus. Chris was speaking to them in a mixture of some English and some Spanish. Soon he came back over.

“Mhari they just want to know if you feel it was there fault if you are going to make any claim or not” he asked.

“No Chris it was just an accident it could have happened to any one” she said.

“Ok well they need to move on, but you need that leg checked out and that cut on your arm.”
“It’s not deep” she said.

“Fine do you want to go to a local hospital or just back to the ship and let the medical staff on board look at you?”

“Just back to the ship” she said.

“Right well I’ll just let them know and then I’ll get a taxi to take us back”

He walked back to the bus, soon it was gone and Chris was looking for a taxi to take us back. We both helped Mhari into the cab and then set off through the crowded streets back towards the port.

In less than 15 minutes we were on the stretch of road leading up to the entrance to the port.

Chris spoke to the driver in Spanish and he began to slow to a stop.

He turned to me “Look I need to get off you know what they are like about passengers and crew,” he said I nodded.

“When you get to the ship there will be someone at the gangway, just let them know about Mahri and they will bet a wheelchair to take her on board, ok” he said.

I nodded.

“Sorry it had to end like this Mhari” said.

“Not your fault, I had a great day girls and I’ll catch up with you on board Princess” he said as he opened the door and stepped out, handing the driver a few notes he gave him instructions and we moved off towards the ship.

Less than an hour later I had left the medical centre, Mhari had been seen by the doctor her knee strapped up and her cut cleaned and bandaged, she felt sore all over which the doctor had put down to the trauma of the fall and some shock. They had tried to reach her mum but she was onshore so they had told her to try and have a sleep. I stayed with her but she soon insisted that I just go back to my cabin and I could come and see her later so after some persuasion I left her and headed back along the deck.

Back in the cabin I dropped my bag on the bed and went to make myself a coffee. Passing the mirror I noticed blood all over the sleeve of my shirt which probably accounted for a couple of the strange looks I was getting walking along the deck. I pulled it off and filled the small sink with some water before immersing it in the sink to try and let it seep out of the fabric. I poured the coffee and opened a small milk
Portion and emptied it in, picking up the TV remote I switched it on and looked for the news channel. Stirring my coffee I settled back to watch some TV.

It was about ten minutes in, suddenly it was there a small news ticker at the base of the screen it read,

“Missing girls found alive in Scotland”

I sat bolt upright nearly spilling the remains of my coffee over myself, Dad’s case it had to be they had found them, the TV now had my undivided attention.
Two minutes later we had a news reporter on screen, what looked like a deserted Farmhouse fields all around, police officers car’s van’s all in the background activity going on behind. The reporter gave details of the discovery of the girls just an hour or so ago. Recorded pictures flashed on the scene pictures of Dad one leading one of the dishevelled looking girls towards an ambulance just behind a blonde WPC was with the other heading to a another ambulance parked alongside. The pictures continued a paramedic and helps Dad load the girl into the ambulance he follows her in the door closes the ambulance moves off the other only a minute behind both heading past the film crew and away to a local hospital.

The reporter continues brief details girls held in a cellar, police to reveal more details shortly, news conference to be held this evening, two men and a woman arrested then back to the pictures some local pictures of where the farm was, about 40 minutes from our house by car I estimated. The pictures went on I was so excited so proud Dad had found them well maybe not just him but they had cracked the case found them alive. I wanted to call him but knew it would be pointless, I needed to tell Mom, I got up pulled my sandals back on and left the cabin.

I never knocked just opened the door was just about to blurt out my excitement, a noise came from inside I stopped, the noise again it was a moaning, I grabbed the door as it swung shut for some reason I did not want it to make a noise when it closed. I gently let it rest, I listened again the moaning getting a little louder and more persistent, it was a person definitely I edged forward a bit the noise continued I was just about past the little wall that blocked the view of the rest of the room. I noticed some clothes scattered on the floor by the porthole. I edged forward a bit more the noise continued. I edged my head forward a bit to get a view. I could see the bed Avril was naked lying with her head back and eyes closed in some form of ecstasy. I looked again a hand covered her breast kneaded at her nipples; the hand had long red nails. I closed my eyes opened again a head came up a bit, my hand shot in front of my mouth. It was the back of Mom’s heads her hair visible her head buried between Avril’s legs. Avril’s head was still arched back as Mom’s head bobbed up and down a bit. No it couldn’t be I edged backwards my heart beating about five times the rate it should my chest heaving struggling for breath I was going to faint or be sick one or the other I needed to get out of there and quick. Edging back to the door I gently pulled it open and stepped outside only then removing my hand from the front of my mouth. I went back to my cabin, I needed my cigarettes.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The thing I’d earned about a Cruise ship in the six or seven days I had been on it now was that nowhere are you alone which is exactly what I wanted to be just now. I remembered a small square just outside the docks when I had left with the ship Mhari. I headed there it was just the thing I needed a few offices business’s tour operators that type of thing all closed for the day and quiet. I sat down and lit a cigarette some tears ran down my cheeks. How could I have been so blind as to Mom and Avril, it all fitted now.

The boozy afternoon sessions, what had Avril been doing at our house that day she caught me dressed, then there was a night last Christmas, me and Dad playing “Call of Duty” on the PC, Mom out on her works Christmas night she called home late about 11, Dad answered explained Mom was staying at Avril’s too drunk to come home, god Avril only lived six streets away! The way Mom had been the night before when Avril was flirting with those guys, she had been jealous that was what her mood was all about, I should have seen it, even when Dad announced he could not come on holiday she had been so accepting of it, once upon a time she would have flipped her lid, like when a similar thing had happened when I was around 7 or 8 we were due to go to a caravan at a Holiday Park, Dad was just working his way up the force he had to call off Mom went ballistic it was the angriest I have ever seen her but this time nothing, how could I have been so blind?

I crushed out my cigarette and automatically lit another. How was I going to cope for the next three days we had tomorrow here again before sailing on, a day at sea and then dock on Tuesday when we left the ship. How could I look at them, interact with them knowing what I knew now. One thing was for certain I had to find a way to avoid them tonight because right now there was no way I could deal with it. I finished my second cigarette and went to look for a local store, I was in luck I soon found a 24/7 store and went inside, just what I needed I thought. I bought some more cigarettes a couple of snacks and two large bottles of white wine. With my purchases stacked away in a bag I headed back to the ship and to my cabin which would be my prison for the night.

Back aboard I made sure I locked the door, peeling of my skirt I pulled on a pair of pyjama bottoms and curled up on the bed, I left the TV on but with the sound muted I watched the pictures in silence. I watched the re-runs of my Dad and new stuff trying to put together the story without the words, shots of the nearest town, shots of the farm where they had been held, and the same shots of their release that I had watched earlier. I had no idea how long I had been there when there was a knock at the door, then a gap then another, then Mom’s voice,

“Tracey are you in there it’s Mom”

I stayed silent; another knock then muffled conversation which I assumed was Mom and Avril then nothing the faint sound of them moving away from the door. I looked at my watch it was gone 7.30pm. I picked up the first bottle of wine and opened it. Taking a plastic glass from the bathroom I filled it and in one drink drained half the glass, pouring more in I settled on the bed in front of the TV. Less than two hours later Tracey was sound asleep and oblivious to the world.

Being Me

By Karin Roberts

The Cruise – Voyage of Discovery

Cruise Diary – Day 7

I woke up the next morning with the most killer of a hangover. It felt like two tennis players were conducting a baseline rally in my head. Through the haze I glanced across the room an empty wine bottle lay on its side on the floor. Next to it another open bottle sat with about 10cms worth of wine still at the bottom of the bottle. I still had on the strappy top I had worn in Barcelona yesterday with pyjama bottoms. The TV was still on and silent pictures flickered across the room.

I needed the bathroom; I got up through the fog filled haze of my head and started towards the toilet. I noticed the shirt I had dropped in the sink after coming back last night. There was a light pink hue to the water I presumed from some of Mhari’s blood coming out in the water. My hand went to my forehead,

“Damn Mhari, I was supposed to go back and check on her last night.”

Then again the latter events of yesterday had clouded everything, the need for the toilet had become much more urgent as the contents of my stomach began to churn and boil.

Fifteen minutes later after having deposited the contents of my stomach down the toilet I was in a piping hot shower. The warm water running down my body eased me a bit despite the fact that the damn tennis match was still going on in my head. Switching off the water I stepped out and fried myself off with a towel. The gym was a definite no this morning, even though all I had drunk last night had been ejected from my body the headache was not designed for physical activity.

I needed something to take the edge of it. Mom had been ultra-resourceful in her provision of clothing for Tracey so maybe she had been just as resourceful in providing me with some medication. I searched through my case nothing, nothing in the drawers of the cabin either. Maybe the toiletries bag I thought so I pulled it from the bathroom and looked inside, bingo, some headache tablets despite being a cheat she had obviously thought of every eventuality. I took two tablets washing them down with a glass of water and began to get ready.

First I took the shirt I wore out of the sink the stains had gone a bit pink but were still visible. I squeezed out the water as best I could and then hung it on the towel holder in the bathroom to let it dry a little. In the bathroom I tidied up my hair and applied a little make up just enough for daytime use. My eyes were a bit bloodshot but hey after nearly two bottles of wine hour’s might have been as well.

Returning to the bed I striped of the top and pyjama bottoms. A fresh pair of panties and a bra and I began to feel a bit more alive, if only the tennis would stop! I took a pink wrap round skirt with a floral design around the hem and put it on. A similar strappy top to what I had worn yesterday in a white silky material on top I covered it with a pink shirt leaving the buttons undone I put a white belt around my waist to pull the shirt in a bit and provide a bit more cover to finish off I slipped my feet into a pair of pink and white sneakers. Tidying up the room I watched the news on Dad nothing new really full news conference due tonight girls safe and well and in hospital, I made a note to be back for the news conference as I emptied the small drop of undrunk wine down the sink before stashing the bottles under the bed to get rid of later.

Grabbing my bag I set of to see Mhari, a pair of dark sunglasses covering my eyes as I quietly opened the door and stepped out. I really wanted to avoid Mom and Avril so quietly I passed their cabin and climbed up the few steps to the deck. Once clear of our deck entrance I found an area for a cigarette and lit up the menthol fumes helping a little to take away the taste I had from being sick earlier which despite a thorough cleaning of my teeth was still there. A couple of people chirped “Good morning” as they made their way either to breakfast or for an early start ashore in Barcelona.

The Medical Centre was small only two beds there was a nurse on a small reception, I asked her about Mhari and she directed me to a small cubical. I walked over poking my head round the corner of the screen. She spotted me right away and waved me in, sitting at the other side of the bed was a man.

“Tracey, this is Dad” she said

“Hi” I mumbled as I extended my hand to him and we shook hands.

“You ok” I asked.

“Well the there’s a bit of swelling on my knee, they are going to take me ashore today and have it x-rayed just as a precaution” she said.

“So no gym for you for the next few days”

“Bit more than that, I think” she said.

“Sorry I never got back last night, I just got glued to the TV watching Dad”

“Oh I heard they found the girls you must be so proud” she said.

“It’s great, pretty strange watching your Dad on TV though.” I said.

“I think I might know your Dad” her father said.

The world stopped I froze, I’m pretty sure my mouth must have hit the floor as her Dad went on.

“I work in Social Services we do a lot of liaison with the Police and go to Conferences and things together I’m sure I ran into him at one of them”

“Eh, eh maybe, he does go to those” I stuttered.

“Well next time our paths cross I will tell him I met his lovely daughter on holiday”

Mhari could see the shock on my face.

“You’re getting off on Tuesday, be sure to come up and see me before then.”
“I will” I said getting up from the chair anxious to be out of there.

“Have a god day” she said as I backed from the cubicle.

“It’s been nice to meet you” her Dad said as I turned

“You too” I said as I made my way out.

This holiday just could not get any worse, first Mhari works me out, then I have Mom and Avril turning into a pair of pussy munchers, and now Mhari’s Dad knows my Dad and if they meet will announce how he met his daughter on holiday! Just fantastic I thought I need a cigarette and quick.

After a much needed cigarette break I headed back to the cabin, Mhari’s Dad’s revelations had put me off breakfast so I figured I needed a little me time. I was almost back when what had been a rather bad start to the day got a little worse. I was literally yards from safety when Avril and Mom emerged from the entrance to the corridor where our cabins were.

“Tracey, where have you been” Mom announced she stepped forward enveloped me in a hug.

“Have you seen the news, Dad on TV” she asked in an excited tone.

I did want to say something like “Glad you came out from between Avril’s legs to notice” but bit my tongue.

“I saw it, it’s so great that they found the girls and they are safe” was my response.

“I came to look for you last night knocked on the door” she said.

“Oh I was probably still with Mhari” I said lying through my teeth, “She fell yesterday while we were on a tour bus and hurt her leg” I said.

“Is she Ok” Mom asked.

“Yes a bit shaken and she is going for an x-ray today ashore, she just tripped and fell” I omitted the part that Chris was with us and went on “We got a cab back and she spent last night up in the medical block so I was probably up there when you knocked,” once more lying to her.

“Well we are going for breakfast and then ashore you want to come” she asked.

My mind was saying “Yeah I’m sure you’ve worked up an appetite” but my mouth said “Eh no it’s fine I might go to the hospital with Mahri” I said lying once more. Truth was I had no wish to spend the day with both of them after what I had seen yesterday.

“Well if you’re sure” she said.

“I’ll be fine, just go and enjoy your breakfast; I’ll go and catch up on the news before I go back to the Medical Centre”

“Ok fine dear” she said placing a kiss on my forehead before she walked off with Avril.

I turned and watched the two walk along the deck before they disappeared up a flight of stairs for breakfast.

Back in the safety of my cabin I considered the options, either I stay on-board and spend a day alone or went back on what I had said and go ashore with Mom and her lover, then again I could venture out alone. Not really a hard choice to make then, so after freshening up I was out of the cabin and off the ship and heading in to Barcelona for my own adventure.

Yesterday we had probably completed about just over half the sightseeing tour so I figured that I could pass a good bit of time by doing the whole tour again. It felt a bit strange on the bus on my own, this time though armed with camera I was happily clicking away taking shots on route. I figured that it would be strange at least not returning with some holiday snaps and since it was unlikely that we were going to have a series of Mom, Avril and me by the pool etc then this might make up for it.

The trip was at least having some effect of taking my mind off the situation, it was also giving me some time to think and while I had enjoyed my time as Tracey I knew it was coming to an end and soon I would be back as Michael and Tracey would be confined to the back of my mind as home life retuned to well not what would be normal given what I had seen but as normal as it could be. A plan was forming in my head though as the trip tour began to call at its final few points of interest. It was time maybe for Tracey to let her hair down a bit but first I needed to make a few purchases.

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Back on board I headed first to check on Mhari, the Medical Centre told me she was back in her cabin so I got the number and headed over there. She was in bed when I got there her Dad still with her. The x-ray had shown some bruising and minor damage to a knee ligament but nothing that would not heal after some rest. Her holiday though other than moving about on a pair of crutches was more or less over. It was hard to really talk with her Dad there but we agreed to meet up again tomorrow for a bit before I left the ship on Tuesday. With that taken care of I headed back to my cabin to get ready for the night.

Back in our cabin corridor I nervously knocked on Mom’s cabin no sneaking in this time in case I was rewarded by a repeat performance. Mom came to the door inviting me in a few bags were scattered around showing that they had indeed been ashore and had at least not spent another afternoon in bed.

“What time you going for dinner” I asked.

“About nine” Mom said

“We thought we would try out the Azure Club” Avril piped up as she relaxed back on her bed.

“Yeah fine whatever” I said.

“You joining us” Mom asked.

“If that’s ok” I asked hesitating a bit. “Mhari’s on crutches so she won’t be up and about” I went on.

“Yes darling of course you can come with us, it’s a shame about Mhari though is she going to be ok”

“She will be fine but she’s out of action for the rest of her holiday” I said
“Well we will be heading over there about nine”

“Ok keep me a seat I’ll meet you there” I said backing towards the door, then I was outside it was time for Tracey to get ready!!

Back in the sanctuary of my own cabin I took a long shower washing my hair thoroughly before wrapping myself in a large bath towel to sit and dry my hair. After leaving the tour this afternoon I had made my way to one of the more popular trendy shopping districts of Barcelona. I had money to spare and every intention of spending it. My first visit had been to a beauty salon where I had bought some clip in hair extensions it had taken a bit of time to get the colour right but soon I had as close as I could get, Tracey was going to have long hair for tonight. I’d also bought some lotion for my legs they were pretty tanned by now and this was supposed to put a little shiny sheen on the skin. I opened the bottle and poured some on my hands I rubbed the liquid into my skin massaging my legs as I did so, it seemed to put a warmth into my legs and appeared to do exactly what it promised as a few minutes later I seemed to have a natural glossy finish to my legs.

For the next 45 minutes or so I spent time getting my make-up as flawless as I could. In the past I had been a bit plain and demure with my colour choices but tonight I was much bolder. Darker shades of eye shadow to get that smoky sexy look I wanted. Soon I had painted my canvas as I applied the finishing touch of a dark berry red lipstick to my lips before closing the lipstick and popping it in my handbag for touching it up later.

Next I spent another 30 minutes or so getting my hair right, the girl had spent some time in the salon showing me how to fit the extensions after a couple of false starts I had mastered the art and soon Tracey was sporting long curly blond hair extensions running half way down her back. The choice of dress was not really a problem it had to be the one Mom and Avril had bought back in Vigo so taking it from the wardrobe and removing the protective cover I slid down the zip and stepped into it. I slid my arm through the one strap and reaching behind pulled up the zip to close it. It was just as beautiful as I first thought the soft leather felt fantastic against my bear skin the tight skirt splitting and showing a good deal of leg as I walked over to my final purchase of the day.

Ever since I had got the dress I knew the one thing it needed was shoes which would do it justice. As resourceful as Mom had been though there was nothing really in my wardrobe that would do it justice, well there was now. It taken a while but eventually I had found what I wanted, the shoes had a five inch silver metal heel the part of the shoe supporting the ball of your foot was also metal which ran around the side to your ankle before the black leather material took over. There was a soft lining inside protecting your foot from the metal and even although they had a five inch heel they were really pretty comfortable.

With the shoes in place I admired my look for the night, the long blonde curls, the darker make up the hot dress and the shoes made it all come together, Tracey was looking hot, hot, hot and ready to party.
Looking at the clock in my room it was 5 to 9 it was time for me go so after a rather prolonged spray of perfume on my neck arms and wrists I gathered up my cigarettes and dropped all I would need in my handbag for the night, it was time for some fun!

It seemed a good bit cooler as I walked along the deck, maybe it was my bare shoulder or the spit at either side of the dress that made it that way. One thing was for sure it was attracting attention as I spotted one wife giving her husband a disapproving look as he cast a glance in my direction. I stopped in a smoking area for a cigarette I made a mental note to find a supplier for VS120’s when I got home. I had grown to love the menthol taste of them and the narrow elegance of them. I lit up my dark berry nails with the slim filter between them. I looked around savouring the moment, had it not been for finding Mom and Avril like that yesterday which had certainly put a dark cloud on the holiday; this had been dream beyond all dreams. I watched people go buy occasionally looking at the young girl with the long blonde hair smoking a cigarette oblivious to the truth it was above all an experience I would never forget or for that matter have missed, crushing out the smoked cigarette it was time for dinner.

The Azure Club was a restaurant which from around 11:00 o’clock became a nightclub after all meals had been cleared away. I stepped inside spotting Mom and Avril right away by a table at the wall. I walked over without them noticing me.

Mom turned.

“Tracey what ……”

“It’s ok they are clip on extensions” I said fingering my new long locks as she looked at me. I pulled out a seat and sat down putting my bag on the table and ensuring that the visible split in the dress did not open too wide.

“See you wore the dress “Avril said.

“I did, thanks” I said as I poured a glass of white wine that was already on the table.

“It’s maybe a little tartish” after all she said.

“Well I suppose it takes a tart to pick it” I said raising the glass to my lips.

“Ok quit it you two play nice for this evening” Mom said firing a little look at Avril. “Just let’s order” she said as she summoned a waiter over with her hand.

The meal was quite excellent and after our initial joust with each other the conversation was settled as we ate. As we sipped a glass of wine at the close of our meal Mom pulled out her bag and opened it.

“I got you a little something in Barcelona today” she said pulling a box form her bag and handing it over to me.

“What is it?”

“Open it and see”

I did inside was gold bracelet watch I took it out turning it I could see Cartier on the face.

“Don’t get excited, it’s a copy not the real thing but I just thought you would like it”

“I love it” I said opening the band and slipping it on my wrist.

“Why don’t we go outside for a cigarette” Avril said as the waiters began clearing away all the tables.

We all got up and walked outside the three of us on deck we all lit a cigarette and stood waiting on the club being readied for the rest of the night.

We had only been there a couple of minutes when Mom spotted the two guys that had been with them two night’s back.

“Did you tell them we would be here tonight” she asked looking sternly at Avril.

“No” she replied.

“You spoke to one of the today as we came back on board”

“Eh I might have given him hint but not on purpose” she said taking a final draw from her cigarette before putting it out.

They reached us just at that point.

“Ladies we meet again” the older one who had been into Avril said.

“Hello Raul” Avril said as she offered her hand he took it and kissed the back of it.

“We join you” he said taking Avril’s hand I could see Mom’s discomfort she was teasing again, a plan was forming in my head but could I carry it through, I took a final puff on my cigarette and blew a cloud of smoke towards the floor as I put it out and followed the others inside the club.

Inside instead of the table we had occupied for dinner we found ourselves at a booth at the back of the club. I found myself in the centre of the group. Avril was on my right with Raul on the outside, Mom on the left with the other guy outside hear, it really was a bit like being piggy in the middle. My interest though as the lights dimmed and music began to play was on what was happening between Avril and Raul. Mom and Arnaldo who I had just learned his name, seemed intent in just general chit chat so I shut my radar off from their direction and concentrated on Avril’s conversations.

A few drinks’s flowed both Mom and Avril had already visited the dance floor while even I had been up once as Mom insisted all three girls went up alone as the two men visited the bar for another round of drinks. The evening went on at pace with drinks being consumed. I could increasingly see Avril becoming a good bit flirtier and Mom a good bit more agitated. If I was going to put a spoke in Avril’s wheels it had to be now, my chance came soon after, Mom and Avril got up to go to the toilet and get some drinks, by the time they came back I was in a deep conversation with Raul taking about his home and his work. I somehow managed to guide Avril into the centre beside Mom leaving me next to Raul.

I had moved my leg my thigh running tight against his I could feel the warmth of his leg on my bare skin as the split in my dress must have opened. I looked at him smiling laughing at thing’s he said as I twirled my new long locks in my fingers, batting my eyelashes as he spoke blushing a little. Avril meantime was trying to get back into the conversation but was having no luck as I turned my bare shoulder a bit on her blocking her slightly from view. Time went on it was close to midnight and I had had Raul mostly to myself for the last 45 minutes.

Suddenly he got up.

“I just need to visit the bathroom” he said in his almost perfect English.

I waited until he had been gone a couple of minutes and then lifted my handbag and headed to the toilets myself. The toilets were off to the right of our booth and down a little corridor. I walked down the corridor and looked inside the ladies a woman walked towards me and passed by saying “Thanks” as I held the door open for her, she disappeared down the corridor out of sight. Just then the Men’s toilet door opened and Raul stepped out two paces and he was beside me I put one of my fingers to his lips and with the other hand grabbed his hand.

He looked a bit surprised as I pulled him inside the ladies. I giggled a little and led him to one of the cubicles leading him inside I closed the door and locked it. I looked into his eyes and moved forward his lips met mine my mouth opening his tongue greedily speeding inside my mouth his hand moved behind me pulling me into his chest my breasts resting against his chest. The kiss went on for several minutes before I broke it.

“I’m not sleeping with you, just to let you know, but I can make it a nice night,” I said as I put my handbag on top of the cistern. With two hands I reached for his belt buckle finding it I had it open in seconds and pushed down his trousers, he reached in for another kiss and I responded my hand snaking inside his boxer shorts and pulling his semi erect cock free. I sank to my haunches; I could see my dark painted nails encircling his cock. I figured that probably fully erect he was not that much bigger than me although it was thicker. I licked the tip my lounge teasing the tip and gap in his foreskin massaging it, it gradually got harder I pushed the foreskin back and licked the length of it looking up at him as I did so he moaned as I took it in my mouth gripping it with my lips and hand I sucked and bobbed my head taking his full length inside my mouth he was now fully erect and moaning as I continued my attention on his cock. The toilet door opened I looked up taking his cock out and putting a finger to my lips someone went into another cubicle I kept on stroking him to keep him hard. The toilet flushed, I could hear running water then the hand drier the door opened and closed again. Once more I took him deep in my mouth increasing the pace of my hand and sucking about 5 minutes passed he tensed I could feel it in my hand and mouth then with a grunt he came his juice spurted into my mouth I kept going draining the last of it before stood back up he kissed my forehead.

“You go out,” I said, “I’ll touch up my makeup and follow you out”

He kissed me on the lips and opened the door making it to the outer door he slowly looked outside and then disappeared. I picked up my bag and quite nonchalantly as if nothing had happened walked over to the mirror to repair my make-up. I had down it he was mine for the night and Avril could flash her tits all she wanted but she was barking up the wrong tree.

I repaired my make up and left the bathroom stooping off at the bar. I returned to the booth with a tray of drinks.

“You have been ages,” Avril said

“Eh I got talking to someone in the bathroom” I said with a smile.

Raul pushed Avril over a bit into the centre and I slipped into his other side.

For the next hour or so Avril might as well have been back at home as Raul spoke and joked with me while she tried to make amends with Mom. I could still taste him in my mouth a bit despite a couple of more drinks so I figured I needed a cigarette.

“I’m just going to have a cigarette” I said standing and sorting out the splits in my dress.
“I’ll come with you Raul” said picking up both our drinks he took my arm and we moved towards the exit.

Outside we moved to a bar style table, he went into his pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes as I did likewise from my bag. Taking one out he was already on hand with an offer of a light I put the cigarette between my lips and leaned in for a light. His arm snaked behind me as he lit his own cigarette we were close to each other I could smell his aftershave as we smoked and chatted. He had put his cigarette out as I took the last draw from mine and exhaled white smoke into the night air. I leaned over and extinguished it in the ashtray.

Turning I turned right into his open arms he pulled me closer his lips met mine once more I was about to resist but suddenly it was as if a firework exploded in my head. Stars were appearing as I returned the kiss eagerly all sorts of stuff going on in my head at that moment I was a million miles away from Michael, I was Tracey. My leg bent between his I would feel his cock react again the kiss continued. I wanted him I wanted to feel his weight on top of me I wanted to feel his cock inside me.

“What the fuck are you doing with my ……daughter”

It was Mom we broke free she must have come out for a cigarette as well, behind her I could just see Avril emerge from the club as well.

“Ok night’s over” she said gripping my arm and leading me away.

I could see Avril smirk towards Raul as she turned to follow us.

“What the fuck were you thinking Tracey” Mom said as we walked along towards our cabin.

“I don’t know maybe the drink” I said.

There was silence till we reached our cabins I unlocked mine and went inside closing the door behind me I sat on the bed for a few minutes. It was past 2am so I started to get ready for bed. Twenty minutes later I was under the covers. Just what had I thought tonight for that couple of minutes I had wanted Raul, his cock inside me, his manliness on top of me I had been Tracey even though I had no way of actually achieving what I wanted I had wanted it, gradually darkness overtook me and I dropped off to a deep sleep.

Being Me

By Karin Roberts

The Cruise – Voyage of Discovery & Home

Cruise Diary – Day 8 - 10

This was getting a bit of a habit I thought as I awoke the next morning with a fuzzy head. If I’m not careful I’m going to turn into some sort of lush like Avril. I slipped out of bed and ran myself a glass of water before sliding back under the covers.

Just what had gone on in my head last night ?

I could square up the first part it was getting back at Avril, taking Raul away from her had been my motive and it had worked, even if the means had been a bit extreme. The second part however out on the deck was what I was still trying to square in my mind. It had been spontaneous yes but I had so enjoyed it the feeling of me being in a males arms, his strength his smell it had all taken over my inner self, for those couple of minutes I was female it was what I wanted and more. Was that what I wanted to change gender or was it just a culmination of being Tracey for a nearly a week since I had set foot on the ship. I sipped the water and thought about it no doubt Mom would have more to say about it but that was for another time today might be my last day as Tracey so downing the last of my water I climbed out of bed and started to get dressed.

I’d skipped exercise for the last couple of days so I thought it was time to get back on course so I headed out of the cabin and up to the gym. I knew Mhari would not be there but a little session on my own would do no harm to clear my head and make up for my excesses over the last few days. Missing out on the weights I did some laps around the small track keeping it at a steady pace in case the contents of my stomach were tempted to empty themselves on the deck. Having done around 30 laps and with a couple of others appearing I decided to call it a day and head back to the cabin. I took a shower to freshen up and got dressed.

I pulled out a pale blue sundress I had not worn yet and put it on wrapping a wide white leather belt round it. I sat at the mirror and put on some light make-up, some powder blue eye-shadow and a light pink lipstick with a coating of mascara for my lashes made me presentable for the day. Taking out some nail polish remover I removed last night’s dark polish a flash back in my mind remembering the sight of my nails wrapped round Raul’s cock as I had blown him in the toilet. Once my nails were dry I put on a clear polish on them and waited for them to dry.

Once they were dry I grabbed my cigarettes and lighter and left the cabin for some breakfast. I thought about knocking on Mom and Avril’s door but decided against it as that lecture was something that could wait for later. I stopped in a smoking area for a cigarette the ship was under full steam and on its way to Lisbon and our departure point. Tonight was my last night on board, we would dock in Lisbon tomorrow and then we would pick up a late evening flight which would take me back to the reality of home and normality if I could ever be that way again. I sucked in the menthol vapours as I looked across the clear open water a coastline just visible in the distance as we sped towards the end of Tracey !
I had a serious appetite when I got to one of the breakfast bars, I had resisted the temptation but today was too much and I selected a full English breakfast with some toast and tea. Finding myself a quite spot I set about filing up my calorie content for the day unaware of just how the day would turn out.

Once breakfast was over I decided to do a spot of on-board shopping. It had suddenly struck me as I ate breakfast that I had not yet bought anything for Dad. I mean what sort of son or in this case daughter goes on holiday and does not come back with some sort of gift. I made my way down to the small shopping mall where they had some gift shops.

There’s not much you can buy on a ship especially when you are trying to buy for someone who has just become a national hero and has his face plastered over most news broadcasts just now. I wondered what the national press would have made of it all if they knew about me walking about a Cruise with fake boobs and plastered in make up add to that the lesbian wife in the cabin below and we are heading towards having enough material to fill our very own Jeremy Kyle or Jerry Springer show! Being serious about it though what would life be like when we got back home the press attention would certainly still be topical maybe for a while yet so we all had to rein back in our lives a bit to fit the situation. Probably another reason why a dark cloud was forming above me as it looked as if Tracey would be going back in her little box for quite a while.

Eventually having spent about nearly an hour walking around the limited shops there was I settled on a set of cute cuff links for Dad. Not mega expensive but practical as he attended quite a few functions both with Mom and on his own and while maybe not everyone’s cup of tea he was a frequent wearer of cuff links. Purchase paid for and with it gift wrapped I headed back to the cabin to leave it there before my next visit to check on Mhari.

I’d only been back in the cabin a few minutes when there was a knock at the door.

“Who is it” I called out.

“It’s Mom let me in”

Opening the door she stepped inside a white sports holdall in her hands and a plastic bag with what looked like a number of bottles in it. She walked in dropping the holdall on the floor and the plastic bag on the bed before sitting down.

“So have you enjoyed your time as Tracey” she asked.

I blushed a little in front of her even although it had been a week since all this had begun we had never really spoke about it. She had accepted me as her daughter from day one really and despite the odd dig from Avril which was to be expected we had not really discussed it.

“Yes” I said wondering what was about to happen.

“Well I’m afraid it’s time to put an end to it”

I looked at her “But Mom we still have a whole day left on the ship and I need to go and see Mhari before I leave” I protested.

“Sorry Michael” it was the first time she had used my real name that week so I knew she was serious in what she was saying.

“We need to get you back looking like yourself, we get of the ship early tomorrow and although we have some time in Lisbon before our flight, you need to get off as Michael, you must have realised that your passport silly shows you as Michael”

“Can’t I just have a few more hours” I asked.

“Sorry Michael there’s too much to do, now get in the shower.”

I wondered if this was some sort of punishment for last night with Raul, “Is this because of last night I asked” hesitantly.

“No I told you it’s time to change back, but now you are on the subject what was that all about last night, fuck, you were nearly half way down his throat” I blushed.

“I mean what if he had taken it further, what if I hadn’t come out when I did, you could have been beaten up, hurt maybe, how stupid was it.”

“I know I’m sorry” I said.

“Well let’s forget about it but we need to start and get you back to Michael so get in the shower” she picked up the holdall and opened it pulling out a pair of fresh men’s underpants she handed them and a pair of shorts to me.

“Now get washed and put these on when you’re finished.”

I took the clothes from her and walked into the shower Tracey was about to be over.

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Twenty minutes later I emerged from the shower it seemed so strange walking out in men’s underpants and shorts but still with my fake boobs attached.

“Ok sit down at the mirror and I’ll re-cut your hair back into style.”

I sat down looking in the mirror all make up gone, I watched Mom go to work with scissors trimming and cutting my hair back into something like Michael had when I boarded. Sure my hair would be shorter but as Mom explained as she worked we could explain that as me needing my hair cut due to the heat.

She worked on as I still seethed a bit over not being allowed just a little more time. I was still sure it had something to do with last night. I wondered what she would have thought had she found maybe a black Portuguese pubic hair stuck between my teeth from last night’s bathroom adventure, and anyway even if she did she was still being a hypocrite as I was pretty sure I mind find a couple of Avril’s stuck in her teeth. Soon she was happy with my hair and left it to dry as I looked back in the mirror I had a heavy heart, Michael was starting to re-appear.

Next Mom produced a bottle from her bag, “This is adhesive remover it will get the fake breasts off”

She opened it and put some on a cloth working at the seams gradually she started to loosen them from my skin, the liquid numbed my skin a bit and gradually they started to become lose, every now and again lessening them would pinch my skin producing a little ouch from me as she worked them free. Around 15 minutes later they too were gone but behind they had left two rather noticeable white circles where no sunlight had penetrated.

“So what do we do now” I said pointing towards the white skin.

“It’s ok, I have that covered, stand up she said.

She opened her bag and brought out a tube like container.

“What’s that” I asked.

“It’s fake tan, it’s not going to completely make all your chest look the same so when we get home no going topless for a bit, but by the time your tan fades then everything will be back to normal, I’ll show you how to apply it and then when you need maybe to top it up then you can just do it yourself.”

She began to rub it all over my chest leaving it slightly more prominent over the two white circles while a little less so on the already tanned areas. It looked really dark which worried me a bit.

“Is it not too dark” I asked.

“Don’t worry it looks that way when it goes on but by the morning it will have lightened” she said as she started work on my back. Soon all my upper boy had been covered as she washed her hands and put the tube of tanning lotion in my drawer.

She looked over at the clock it was nearly one o’clock,

“Do you fancy some lunch” she asked.

“Ok”

“Well you stay here while that dries on your skin and I will pop out and get us a bite to eat.”

Grabbing her purse she left the room and me alone, looking in the mirror Michael was nearly back and suddenly he had a tear in his eye.

Mom returned with a couple of packs of sandwiches and some drinks for us.

She looked over her work as I sat on the bed bare chested. “You can still see the ring’s a little she” she said “It will be ok though just keep a shirt on for the next few weeks and it will return to normal.”

We ate in silence, I was still peeved at being robbed as I thought of it as my last day as Tracey, still thinking in my mind that it was a punishment for last night.

“You should be dry by now” Mom said picking up the holdall she pulled out a tee-shirt and handed it to me. I pulled it over my head. I stood up and cast a glance in the mirror, no bulge in the chest area, no skirt flowing, no hair styled the way it had been and no make-up, Michael was well and truly back.

“Right now that’s done I’ll give you a hand packing” Mom said dropping the packaging of her launch in the bin she retrieved the case from the closet and dropped it on the bed. Together we began to empty the closet packing away the clothes I had worn over the last week each item a memory in my mind and a couple even that had not had a memory as there were items I had not worn yet.

It was getting close to 3 o’clock as the zips were closed on the case as we did one last check of all the drawers to see nothing was left behind before the lock on Tracey’s life was finally closed.

“Ok, now I’ve left you a couple of fresh shirts in the holdall for tomorrow, there is some underwear and socks as well and another pair of trainers. There are some toiletries as well just to get you through the morning. The boat docks at 8 and we need to be off by 10 so once we get off we can grab a late breakfast and then head over to the hotel, ok.”

Suddenly I felt like a caged bird, this was to be my prison for about the next 20hrs.

“Mom look I need to say goodbye to Mhari” I said a slight quiver in my voice.

“Michael but you can’t I mean, look at you” she gestured towards me with her hand.

“Mom it will be ok, she, she knows.” I finally blurted out.

She looked at me in an odd way and then went on “She knows”

I nodded, “She worked it out a couple of days ago she saw the three of us get on the ship before I changed” I said looking at the floor of the cabin.

“And she’s ok with it”

“Yeah she’s fine, look she’s been great about it and a true friend on board I can’t just get off and ignore her”

She waited paused for a second.

“Look Ok I’ll tell you what I will go up and see her, if she wants to come down then so be it she can come here and see you, ok?”

“Thanks” I said.

“Ok well I’ll go and see her now, I was going to order you some dinner for the cabin anyway so if she wants I’ll order for two and you can have something in here.”

I nodded again as she stepped over and put a kiss on the top of my head, “Ok then sleep well and I’ll see you in the morning” she said as she pulled the cabin door open and stepped outside.

I picked up the remote control and switched on the TV; if this was it then it was time to get used to my prison.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Time passed slowly I’ve no idea how many times I had glanced at the clock. I had even defied Mom’s orders a bit and sneaked outside for a cigarette from a pack I had planted in the holdall while she was not looking. The thing was it was different no one had really cast a glance at the boy smoking a cigarette on deck, not the same way that Tracey had gotten the odd glance from a passing gentleman.

It was getting close to 8pm as there was a knock at the door.

I got up “Yeah who is it” I said from behind the door.

“It’s me Mhari” the reply came.

I opened the door to see her standing there her crutch in hand as she hobbled inside.

“Ok let’s have a look then” she said imitating a twirl with her hand.

I stood in front of her slowly turning as I did so.

“Not too bad as a male, but as I said not really my type” she said resting her crutch against the wall she sat down on the bed.

“You ok” I asked.

“Well I’ll not be doing much for the rest of the holiday but the swelling has gone down a bit” she said looking at her strapped up knee. The couple of grazes on her arms had begun to heal so she was well on the way to recovery.

“Dinners on its way” she said.

“Mom came to see you then”

“This afternoon, she explained about everything and that you had asked to see me and I could come down, so what else was I going to do, I mean after all it would just have been another night sitting in the cabin all alone” she said before playfully slapping my arm.

Another knock at the door, “Looks like dinner has arrived, I’m famished” she said as I got up and crossed to the door to collect our meal.

We ate dinner just chatting as two friends would until.

“Ok then what has Tracey been up to for the last couple of days seen anymore of Chris/” she asked as she put her knife and fork on her cleared plate and wiped her lips with a napkin.

I stopped just as I was about to put the last piece of food in my mouth.

“Well it’s been strange without you and it’s been, it’s been” I looked away, two tears appeared on my cheek.

“Hey what is it?” she asked her hand squeezing my arm. “Is it going back to Michael?” she asked.

There was a pause a few minutes silence as she watched me, finally the dam broke and I told her everything. About coming home Saturday finding Mom and Avril the shopping trip Sunday then last night, Raul the toilet, outside the whole lot poured out of me before I came to a shuddering stop.

There was a pause as she took it all in.

“Wow girl I mean boy, you don’t half pack it in, I mean I leave you for less than two days and all this goes on.”

I sniffed a little having got over my little emotional break down.

“I know but what do I do now?” I asked.

“About what?”

“Well all of it” I said.

“Ok let’s deal with the Raul thing first, you’ve said it you felt like a woman more than ever you responded like a woman would do, does that make you one, well no, but do you want to be one well that’s a totally different question. You’re the only one who can answer that, I mean you have been put in a totally unique position it’s probably something you have dreamed about for years am I right?”

I nodded.

“Well the choice you have now is what do you want to do with it, do you want it to be a memory you will live with forever, or is it a beginning that will change your life, as I said you are the only one who knows the real answer to that, whatever you decide though you need to commit to it, I mean Tracey has really been let out the box on the ship can you really put her away again?”

“I don’t know” I said looking across the cabin.

“With regards to your Mom and Avril well I wish you had given me a call” she said jokingly.

“Heh you that’s my Mom your taking about.”

“Sorry but I did say Avril was hot and I would not have turned her down.”

“You can have her if you want” I said with a bit on venom.

“Here’s the thing, do you think your Dad knows?”

I shook my head.

“Ok well the way I see it you have two choices, you either ignore it” I went to speak she gestured for me to stop. “Or you tell and blow open a huge can of worms, I mean you told me a Avril is the vindictive type, so you go home tell Dad and hey presto she spills the beans on Tracey.”

“But”

“But nothing do you want that if you do choose to take Tracey forward would you not rather it came from you rather than Avril, and I mean maybe it’s just a one off, Mom on holiday missing her man needs a bit of affection, like some sort of holiday fling”

“Yeah but It’s my Mom”

“And she’s human just like the rest of us, look you could blow your family apart with this, if it was me I would sit on it say nothing just see what happens when you get home it might be nothing, everything might go back to normal.”

“So you think I should just leave it?”

“I think so, at least for now maybe there will come a time you can speak to your Mom about it, you’ll know when the time is right. If it’s deeper than that between them then maybe the damage is already done but you won’t get any credit for blurting it out from either of them.”

“Maybe your right it may just blow over”

“Look your Dad’s on cloud nine just now do you really want to bring him crashing to earth if there is something in it, if there is it’s your Mom’s responsibility to tell him not yours.”

“I guess”

“Anyway I think you need to be thinking about yourself and where you want to go, it’s your life no one else but you can live it so you need to work out totally who you are, and I think you might know deep down but you need to face it.”

Mhari stood up lifting her crutch.

“Think I better head back it’s nearly 11,” she said glancing at the clock.

I got up as well.

“All in all it’s been a great holiday” she said before continuing “I met a great girl that was fun to hang out with and a not so bad guy who has a heart of gold”

There was a hint of a tear in my eye again as I stepped towards her.

She turned and placed a little kiss on my mouth.

I was a bit shocked, and froze a little as she did it.

“What, I am bi I do kiss boys and girls you know” she laughed as she stepped to the door.

“Oh I nearly forgot” she said as she opened her bag.

She handed me a small box and a piece of paper.

“What’s this” I asked.

“It’s my e-mail address and phone number, if you need a chat about anything just e-mail me or give me a call I would love to hear how you progress”

“Thanks” I said placing my own little kiss on her cheek.

“The box you can open when I’m gone” she said opening the door “Good luck Tracey it’s been great knowing you” were her last words as she stepped outside and was gone.

I looked at the box then at the door a big chapter of my life may just have closed the first person that I could really talk about Tracey to.

I opened the box inside was three tone gold Claddagh ring that was utterly stunning at that point I knew I had made a friend for life and tears began to fall.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

My sleep was a troubled one that night. Mhari’s words had set my mind on edge a bit, she had a point about me and what the future held for me and even more so about what I should do about Mom and Avril. After she had gone I had sneaked out for a late night cigarette. It struck me as I did so that my day’s imprisonment had let Mom and Avril have a day free from my prying eyes, who knows they could have spent all day and all night locked in each other’s passion, getting up to all manner of thing’s safe in the knowledge that I was in my cabin.

When I woke the next morning the same thought resurfaced in my mind, sneaking out once more to satisfy my need for an early ciggie the urge to knock on the door was strong but was also resisted as I climbed the steps on to the deck. Two cigarettes later I was back outside their cabin door my ears peeled for any signs of noise. My actions must have looked a bit suspicious to the first guest I had seen that morning as a man emerged from a cabin three or four doors down, hurriedly I opened my own cabin door and stepped back inside.

I double checked all the drawers and wardrobe just to make sure everything was packed. I grabbed a quick wash and then put my toiletries back in the holdall. Just as I had closed the zip there was a knock at the door.

“Just coming” I called out picking up the holdall from the bed.

I opened the cabin and there stood Avril and Mom.

“Ok ready to go” Mom asked.

“I suppose so” I said as they moved off I glanced back inside the cabin where Tracey had lived for the last 8 days or so sadly and slowly I closed the door and walked off behind them.

“Where’s the luggage” I asked as I caught up with them.

“They collected it last night” Avril replied as we walked along to the disembarkation point, Mom handed me my passport and we headed down to leave the ship. About fifteen minutes later we were on dry land and heading over to the terminal to pick up our bags. Inside passengers mingled as they awaited the arrival of their bags. I lost sight of Avril for a few minutes then noticed her across the terminal. There she was talking away with Raul and Armando as if nothing was happening, my heart was churning as she nodded back towards us and they all looked over. If I could have seen my face it must have been pillar box red as I could feel the heat burn in my cheeks. Raul had a confused perplexed look on his face what was he thinking as he looked over at the slim boy with the blonde hair. I anxiously looked around trying to spot our bags as they began to come through. I moved closer Mom had said they had yellow labels on them as each one came round I checked each yellow label hoping that it was ours, one bag, two bags, three and then four great that was them all. I grabbed the trolley and started to walk away.

“Where’s Avril” Mon asked.

“Over there” I said nodding in her direction.

“I’ll meet you outside” I said as I pushed the trolley away and headed out of the terminal towards a taxi rank.

I didn’t have too long to wait before they both emerged to my relief there was no Raul or Armando with them soon we were in a taxi and heading into the centre of Lisbon.

We arrived at a hotel that was to act as our base for the day there was a room for me and one for Mom and Avril just so that we could relax and freshen up before we went to the airport tonight for our flight back home. We checked in and stored the luggage for later before we were shown to our rooms.

“We can nip down for some breakfast” Mom said as the lift arrived at our floor.

“Ok” I mumbled as we left the lift and we were led along the corridor to our rooms, the maid handed us keys and told us where the dining room was.

“I’ll meet you down there in ten minutes” I said as I escaped to the sanctuary of my room. Inside I had a look around opening the min-bar I noticed a small bottle of orange juice, opening it I poured it out into a glass and went out on to the balcony of the room, the bustle of Lisbon lay in front of me but in truth it held no interest !

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The day in Lisbon was if nothing else slow, after breakfast Mom and Avril went for a walk, I declined and went back to my room, where I spent most of the day except for the odd sneaked cigarette on the balcony.

Later I changed into fresh shorts and a shirt with long sleeves to hide my hairless arms. By early evening it was time to leave and soon we were back in the airport awaiting our flight back to Glasgow.
We had dinner in the airport and then checked in, fortunately I got a seat away from Mom and Avril so I could miss out on any last minute digs that Avril might have had in mind for me.

The flight itself was painless I watched an inflight movie and in no time we were on the final decent into Glasgow. I collected the bags while Mom and Avril chatted away in the terminal soon we were walking along the terminal towards passport control.

“Mrs McWilliams” a voice rang out.

I turned an official looking gentleman with Airport Security on his shirt stood by the wall.
“Yes” Mom replied.

“Can you follow me” he asked, I looked at Avril she looked at me both puzzled by what had just happened.

We followed the man to a door of the corridor he opened it and led us along another corridor. Part of me by this time was hoping that Avril had become some sort of drug smuggler and she was going to be arrested and jailed for years the other part just worried that it might be something to do with me.

Eventually we were led into a room two or three people mingled around one turned and it was Dad.

“Hi gang” he said walking over he took Mom in his arms and hugged her giving her a kiss and kissing Avril’s cheek which just about led to me losing the content of my stomach.

He turned “Hi champ” he said walking over and hugging me he looked at me a bit strongly.

“You’ve finally had your hair cut and it looks lighter as well” he said as he messed about with my hair.

Mom chipped in “The sun always lightens your hair” she said before going on “So what’s this all about the reception party” she said nodding towards the man who had brought us in.

“It’s been just crazy the last couple of days, press everywhere, they even followed me here tonight” Dad said.

“You some sort of celebrity now” Avril said with a smirk on her face while I drew her a look that went unnoticed.

“It’s mad” Dad said “but I hope it will calm down in a day or two”

“I’m proud of you” Mom said getting up and kissing him.

“I just thought that it would be better to have a private get together away from the cameras” Dad went on “So I asked the airport and they agreed, but here’s the thing the press have also been camped out at the house as well. I don’t want you all to have to go through it so I thought it might be an idea if you both stayed at Avril’s for a couple of days until it all blows over, what do you think?”

My heart stopped at that point I wanted to cry out “What the fuck are you doing Dad sending us into the lair of the snake, don’t you know she’s been lapping away at Mom while you have been saving people’s lives” but I couldn’t I just stood there taking in the scene in front of me.

“Well if you think it’s best” Mom said

“I think it is” Dad said.

“Youi ok with that Avril” he asked.

“Fine by me” she said.

Yeah I just bet it is you snake !!

“Ok let’s get going then” Dad said as he took Mom’s hand and walked through another exit with me and Avril following on, I could swear she smiled at me in a sarcastic way as we left the room.

Soon we were in an unmarked car with a WPC driving and just over 30 minutes later we were turning into a residential street and there in front of us was the lair of the snake.

Being Me

By Karin Roberts

The Cruise – Voyage of Discovery – On Home Shores

The Finale – Part 1

3 Months Later

It’s been three months now since the day that Michael / Tracey left the Cruise ship and arrived back to good old normal home life.

I left my story the last time as we approached Avril’s house in the back of an unmarked Police Car. WPC Crawford a rather attractive woman in her thirties helped us inside with our bags before leaving us to it.

This was the first time I had been inside Avril’s house; I mean why, would I have wanted to go there before. It was probably no more than I expected a bit flamboyant that matched her character to a tee. Straight away I smelt trouble as we had hardly been there fifteen minutes when I learned that my place of sleep would be downstairs on a camp bed while Mom and Avril shared a room upstairs, now there was a surprise! While Avril busied herself finding the camp bed Mom made us all some hot drinks and a snack before bed.

With the camp bed set up we sat around the spacious living room eating and drinking, conversation was at a minimum as I inwardly seethed at my Dad for putting us here. In fairness though, how could he know that he was giving Avril the opportunity to get her rather pointy claws into his wife? After all he couldn’t be blamed for the media attention on him and I was sure that what he was doing was what he thought was best. We spent about an hour just sitting there before Mom and Avril headed upstairs, resigned to my bed downstairs I slipped inside the covers and tried to sleep.

An hour past, it was impossible to nod off; too much was racing through my brain. I got up quietly and pulled on the shirt and shorts I had worn. My holdall was still in the corner, opening it I rummaged through it till I found a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Quietly I slipped out into the hallway; flicking the lighter into life I found the box that operated the house alarm. With the light of the lighter helping I flipped open the little Perspex cover over the dials and pressed the “Disable Alarm” button. Slowly I moved to the door and opened it not closing it fully behind me I stepped out into the night air.

I was chilly well certainly a lot more chilly then it had been for the last ten days on holiday. I shivered a little as I opened the pack of cigarettes and took one out lighting it I inhaled deeply and blew white smoke into the night air. I stepped out a bit further forward and looked upwards; Avril’s bedroom looked out onto the front. The light was out so at least they were in bed. At least I thought that’s a laugh they were probably wrapped up in each others arms or engaged in some hot sex. Taking another draw from the cigarette I turned and looked away to the right of the house just a mile down that road was my own house my own bed and a Dad that was totally unaware of what his son had been up to for the last week and possibly even more importantly totally unaware of what his wife had been up to as well.
Taking a final draw from the cigarette I stubbed it out on the wall and slipped back inside the house. Returning to the camp bed I undressed and slipped under the cover it took a while but eventually I nodded off for the night.

Next day we had a visit from the WPC who brought us home the day before with a couple of bags of fresh clothes. For me that was a godsend and while I would have preferred the bag to have been full of some nice skirts and tops at least I had some of my own stuff back. My stuff came along with my X-Box and some games which was also a relief and at least I had something to occupy my mind. Mom, Avril and the PC chatted away as the washing machine churned away washing all the holiday clothes. I took the chance to go and change then sneak outside for a quick cigarette.

I’d only just lit up when the side door opened and WPC Crawford emerged turning in my direction she walked towards me.

“Hi its Michael isn’t it” she said extending her hand.

I shook her hand.

“Can I bum a ciggie off you” she asked.

“Eh ok, here” I said offering them to her.

She took the packet and took one out handing them back to me.

“That’s a strange brand for a boy” she said as I offered her my lighter.

“Peril’s of being at sea, there was not much choice on board” I said as she cupped her hands around the lighter and lit her cigarette.

“I suppose, I’ve not seen VS120’s since I was last in America” she said before blowing a cloud of smoke in the air. “I’d actually given up till recently, the stress of the investigation got me started again” she added as she took another draw and blew smoke to the floor.

“It must have been hard going, didn’t I see you on TV at the farmhouse with one of the girls when they found them”

“Yeah that was me, it’s been a great team effort though lots of hours put in but worth it in the end.” she paused “Did you enjoy your holiday” she asked.

“It was different” I said.

“How different?” she enquired.

“Oh I meant not having Dad with us or it being a cruise I’d never been on one before”

“I’ve never been on one either, it’s on my must do list though”

“So how long do you think we will be here WPC Crawford?” I asked.

“Call me Heather,” she said before adding “Not sure at least to the end of the week, it’s quieting down a little bit but your Dad just wants to take the heat off you and your Mom”

I nodded.

“Anyway I better get going before I get caught smoking on duty and your Dad has me on a charge” she said dropping the cigarette and crushing it under her shoe.

“Thanks for bringing some stuff over” I said.

“No problem it was your Dad’s idea he misses you, I’ll see you soon” she said as she turned the corner and was gone from sight. I could hear her engine start up and pull away as I dropped my own cigarette to the floor and went back inside.

Just over a week later we were back home in truth it had not been too bad at Avril’s she had somewhat laid off me but the night before we came back home she choose to give me another reminder of her and Mom.

I was dozing on the camp bed when I heard footsteps on the stairs. She walked into the kitchen wearing a particularly skimpy nightdress. Avril’s living area had a wall knocked through into the kitchen from where I was lying I could see her walk across to some cupboards and take out two glasses. She walked back to the fridge and took out a full bottle of red wine. I could not see fully due to the lack of light whether she had anything else on but I was 100% certain she was at the very least topless under her nightdress. Taking the two glasses and the bottle she disappeared from the kitchen and I heard her pad back upstairs.

“She needs to go” I said quietly to myself before trying to get back to sleep.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Back home thing’s pretty much returned to normal well as normal as they could for me. Soon I was back at college and Mom back teaching. Dad remained a bit of a minor celebrity with a couple of TV appearances; god knows what it will be like next year when the trial starts I remember thinking.

He was also sent down to Humberside after another girl went missing to help them with their enquiries. Happily that turned out to be a false alarm after the girl was found shacked up in a hotel about 20 miles away with one of her teachers !

I on the other hand was struggling with my return to normality. Don’t get me wrong I was doing ok at college but not being able to dress as Tracey was driving me nuts. There were a couple of opportunities that I could have dressed at home, but after what I had experienced on the ship 24/7 for 8 days had wasted that. The thought of just getting dressed for a couple of hours and then going back to Michael was not appealing. I had bought one or two little things on-line to add to my Tracey collection. I’m sure Mom must have realised what I was doing but the subject had never been mentioned again.

I had e-mailed Mhari a couple of times and we had on-line conversations so she knew how I felt and understood that the need was increasing with each passing week. In fact if there had been a methadone for crossdressers then I would have been on full strength. Then out of the blue an unexpected opportunity presented itself to me.

Dad came home to announce that he had been invited to go to summit meeting of police forces in Europe who had dealt with hostage and kidnap situations. The plan was to leave on a Tuesday morning, travel to Rotterdam where the event was being held, then return the following Tuesday. A plan was forming in my head but this needed some careful thought and a lot of co-operation from Mom.

I waited for an opportunity to approach Mom. I got home early from college Mom was sitting in the kitchen marking test papers a glass of wine by her side and a cigarette in her hand.

“Mom can we talk for a minute” I asked popping open a can of Coke I waited on her reply.

“Sure just give me a minute to finish this paper”

I climbed on to a stool the other side of the breakfast bar and sat down.

Putting down her pen and taking of her glasses she stubbed out her cigarette and asked “What’s on your mind?”

I started nervously “It’s just, eh you know, I….”

“Michael what is it”

“I was wondering it’s been months since we got back from the cruise and I’ve kinda…..” I stopped again.

“You want to dress up again” she asked.

I blushed while taking a nervous drink from my can a small amount tricking down my chin.

“Eh well I suppose”

“Ok then when”

I was stunned, had she just said yes, was I hearing things, my heart was beating rapidly.

“Well I was wondering that week Dad goes to Rotterdam, I could call Mhari we could all meet up in Edinburgh sort of girls weekend” I was babbling the words spilling out at lightning speed.

“I said Ok” she replied picking up her cigarettes from the worktop, she pulled one out and lit it, “Now can I get some more work done”

“I mean…….. Ok yes” was all I could say before turning and leaving the room I needed to contact Mhari.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The days passed slowly and finally the week that would welcome Tracey back into the world for a short period. Mom took Dad to the airport to see him off on his trip with a couple of colleagues before plans could get fully under way.

Back home I began my rebirth by taking a shower I used liberal amounts of hair remover on my skin to return to that smooth Tracey that had been on the cruise. Mom had skipped off to Avril’s which worried me a bit but she did had produced a plausible excuse explaining that the case with most of “Tracey’s” wardrobe was still at Avril’s house. This did worry me a bit but it made some sense that it was out of the house and away from any risk of Dad finding it.

A couple of hours passed by which time I had left the bath and sat in the kitchen with one of Mom’s robes on my hair wrapped up in a towel. My hair worried me a bit as it had not grown back to the length it was but Mom had promised to fix that and I did have the hair extensions I had bought on holiday. Worrying about what was going on along the road should have been more on my mind but after a glass of wine and a cigarette I relaxed into the evening.

Time passed and it was gone nine by the time Mom emerged in the living room with a case in tow.

“Sorry we got talking” she said

“Its fine, I hope you don’t mind I put this robe” on I said.

“No that’s ok” she sat down opposite me, “Take your case upstairs and I’ll make us a couple of drink’s we can retransform you tomorrow, maybe nip out grab a spot of lunch and I’ll book us somewhere to stay at the weekend.”

I got up “Avril fine” I asked.

“Yeah just her usual chatty self” she said as she rose from the chair.

Yeah I bet I thought to myself as I lifted the case and carried it upstairs to my room. While I wanted to say more I did not want to risk her co-operation over my weekend away so it was time to bite my tongue a bit, after all tomorrow Tracy would be back!

Mom was true to her word and the next morning after another relaxing bath in some scented bath salts, I was back in her room with a bathrobe wrapped around me. Mom immediately went to work on my hair producing the hair extensions I had bought on holiday along with some new extensions that she had somehow remarkable acquired. One thing was sure you can usually give my Mom 10 out of 10 for coming up with the goods when needed!

About an hour later my hair was complete this time the bright blonde I had on holiday had been combined with some dark brown extensions which gave my hair a sort of streak effect. In truth it looked good and I was sent packing while Mom got ready to do my own make up. With the knowledge I gained on holiday soon Tracey was back and a rather familiar face stared back at me from the mirror.

Mom had hinted at evening attire as mentioned a meal and maybe a drink after. As well as that I had to pack for our trip to Edinburgh so carefully selecting some clothes for the next couple of days I packed them away and made sure that I had all the essentials ready for our weekend trip.

Time was pressing on and it was late afternoon by the time that I had my case packed and ready. I sat down and carefully applied some fake nails to my finger painting them a dark red shade to match the lipstick I was wearing. Touching up my make-up I put some essentials including my cigarettes in a black clutch purse and got dressed.

I picked out a black pencil skirt short but just above the knee. A red silk blouse was next with a wide black leather belt with a gold hooked buckle to finish off. I put on what minimal jewellery I had before slipping on a pair of three inch stilettos with a gold metal heel that I had bought some time ago.
I picked up my bag and walked downstairs the kitchen was empty still no sign of Mom, opening the fridge I found a half empty bottle of white wine and poured myself a glass. Sitting at the breakfast bar making sure I crossed my legs properly when back in the Tracey mode I pulled out my cigarettes and lit up the familiar red lipstick stain on the tip as I exhaled for the first time that day.

Ten minutes later Mom appeared in a rather nice short blue dress with a sweeping neckline, matching blue high heels completed her outfit. Her make up a mixture of blue and silver, with a slightly lighter shade of red lipstick form what I was wearing adorning her lips. She sat opposite me and poured the last of the wine into her glass.

“I thought we would get a cab into town have a meal at a little Italian me and your Dad have used sometimes and then grab a drink in a local bar that sound ok to you ?”

“Fine, you look nice, new dress” I asked.

“I got it a couple of weeks back” she replied draining the last of her wine, “Go back upstairs and grab a jacket from my wardrobe” she said as she picked up her phone and began to dial a number.

I left and went back upstairs in her wardrobe I found a black blazer like jacket that I pulled on it would have been a bit tight if I buttoned it but left open it was fine and the sleeve length was ok heading back downstairs I heard the honk of a car horn.

“Tracey that’s the cab” she called as I stepped into the hallway.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The cab drive was quiet on the way into town we were dropped across the road from the Restaurant Mom paid I got out carefully adjusting my skirt. The sound of our heels clicking on the pavement, two engineers working at a telephone junction box stopped casting admiring glances at both of us as we walked by. Soon we were seated and enjoying a pre meal drink. The restaurant was small and intimate, just the sort of venue for couple I thought as we made our selections from the menu.

Our meal was a good quality and we chatted away throughout like any mother and daughter sharing some time together. I had fallen back in to Tracey mode with surprising ease acting and gesturing like any female would and raising no suspicions with the waiters or the small number of other customers in the restaurant. As we left the resonant the waiter helped us on with our jackets and we were each handed a single red rose as we made our way out another sign of how convincing I had become.

Mom led me up a couple of streets looking for a bar we eventually turned down a narrow cobbled alley to an open courtyard a bar say across the square we made our way over and inside. The décor was classy and while a subdued in lighting we found a booth to sit at Mom left to get some drinks while I slid inside the booth.

We must have been there for around 45 minutes when the door swung open to the bar and who wanders in but Avril. She strode across the room towards us.

“Hi girls” was her opening words as she stopped in front of our booth, “I’ll get us some drinks” she announces before turning back towards the bar.

I turned looking at Mom my eyebrows raised in an enquiring way.

“Oh I knew Avril was going to be in town so I asked her to drop buy for a drink” Mom said with a smile “You don’t mind do you” she asked?

I shrugged and picked up my glass draining the rest of the drink in disgust that she had showed up.

We sat in the booth conversation flowing between Mom and Avril with only brief interjections by me as the night moved on. Suddenly my mobile phone rang I looked at the caller display it was Mhari. Grateful for the interruption on the night I made my excuses and picked up my bag.

“Mhari, yeah just a minute” I said as I crossed the floor of the bar to the exit.

Outside I explained about my day so far out with Mom the meal then Avril showing up.

“She’s not coming to Edinburgh” Mhari asked.

“Well I don’t think so, but then who knows I never expected her to appear tonight. I’ll make sure that I mention to Mom about it later” I said.

“Ok well I’m arriving in Edinburgh around 5, I’ll just pop over to your hotel when I get in and change then we can hit the town. Do you think your Mom will come with us?”

“Don’t know, maybe” I said.

“Doesn’t matter if she does I’m so looking forward to seeing you babe” she said.

“Me too, can’t wait for a good night out.”

“Well see you tomorrow and get back in there and don’t let Avril spoil your night, luv ya” she said as she rang off.

I opened my bag and dropped the phone inside, taking out my cigarettes I pulled one from the packet and lit up. The night air was cool and refreshing I could feel the air circle around my stockinged legs as I drew on my cigarette and blew out a cloud of smoke.

I finished my cigarette and after a quick spray of perfume I walked back inside. Heading straight to the bar I bought a round of drinks and went back to the booth. I hadn’t noticed when I came in but the booth was empty no sign of Avril or Mom as I put the drinks on the table and slid into the booth. Both their glasses were gone as well which was strange. I picked up my drink and took a sip.

I had been back about five minutes nervously sitting there on my own, when another girl approached me. I figured her to be maybe a couple of years older than me. She was dressed in tight jeans with holes in the knees like today’s style, a tee-shirt with some weird political slogan on it that made no sense to me and a little denim jacket.

“Do you mind” she said as she slid in beside me.
“I’m waiting for someone” I said.

“Oh I saw then they will be back in about ten minutes” she replied.

“Where are they” I asked.

“Oh just through the back, I’ll take you through and show you in a minute or two” she replied.

“What’s through there?” I asked.

She ignored the question.

“I saw you come in with the other woman and then the friend came over I thought you were a couple at first” she said.

“What a couple like…..” I blushed “Eh that’s my Mom and the other woman is her friend” I said, unsure why I was explaining myself.

“Oh so you’re not a couple then”

“No were not” I replied forcibly.

“That’s ok then” she said taking a drink for her glass I could feel her hand come to rest on my knee. I froze a bit, it moved a little higher.

“What do you think you’re doing” I said.

“Just being friendly I was hoping we could maybe hook up” she said looking up into my eyes’.

“I’m not like that” I said.

“Yeah sure, I’ve seen it all before, smart office girl comes in after work trying to find herself an escape from her boyfriend, a little experiment,” she said as her hand caressed the inside of my leg.

“No I’m serious I’m not like that,” I said lifting her hand from my leg and moving it over.

“So what are you doing cruising a lesbian bar” she asked.

I blushed again this time a bit more deeply, I looked around. I must have been stupid there had been only one male in the bar all the time we had been here with the exception of the guy behind the bar it had been all females. Fuck sake the nerve of it they had brought me to a lesbian bar!

“So” she asked.

“Sorry I didn’t know”

“I just thought well you know I’ve seen the red head here before but not your Mom” she said as she took another drink before going on “I just thought you looked hot and as I said lots of mixed up office girls come in here looking for a bit of action.”

“So where have they gone” I asked sounding a bit annoyed.

“I suppose they are in the kissing booth” she replied.

“Show me” I demanded.

She stood up and I followed her, we made our way through the back down a narrow hallway to the back of the pub. It was quite dark but still well decorated. We turned a corner I could hear some music as we approached another room. The girl turned and put her fingers to her lips for me to be quiet. I followed her and we moved on she motioned for me to look through a slight gap in the door.

In the room a girl was dancing topless she writhed in front of Avril and Mom they were relaxing back on a settee watching her dance both with arms wrapped around each other. I stepped back the urge to throw up was on my mind. How could the two of them be so blatant I turned and hurried away from the room back along the corridor and outside, the girl followed.

I made my way straight back outside and hastily lit another cigarette; my new found friend arrived beside me and joined me for a smoke.

“I take it you never knew about them” she asked gesturing towards the bar.

“I kinda had a suspicion” I said

“So is your Dad” still around she asked.

“We still live together” I said as I took a hard pull on the cigarette.

“It could just be a little experiment” she said.

“Maybe” I said looking on into the distance.

“Well, it’s a shame that you’re not into girls” she said gently caressing my arm, she dropped the cigarette and crushed it out. “I’ll just head off and try my luck elsewhere, if you ever change your mind though you know where you can find me” she said as she turned and walked away down the street.

I took my time had another cigarette before going back inside. In total since I had left to answer Mhari’s call it had been around 30 minutes. I had just slid back into the booth when Avril and Mom rounded the corner walking side by side.

As they reached the table I said “I got us some drinks” as they climbed in beside me.

“Thanks babe” Mom said as the night continued as if nothing had happened.

It was around 2 hours later when after dropping Avril of we pulled stopped outside our house in our cab home. I climbed out and went to open the door as Mom paid the driver. Back inside I poured a large glass of wine. Mom appeared in the kitchen.

“You enjoy tonight” she asked.

“It was ok” I replied.
“Did you enjoy it” I asked.

“I did yes; maybe we should do something like that more often.”

I walked forward “Yeah maybe we should.”

I stepped past Mom to the door.

“Mom Avril’s not coming with us tomorrow is she,” I asked

“No dear” she responded as she poured her own glass of wine.

“Why do you ask” she said.

“Oh I just wondered I’m going up to bed tomorrow will be a long day, goodnight Mom” I said as I left the room.

“Night Tracey” she responded as I approached the stairs.

Upstairs I sat on my bed and pulled a cigarette from my bag opening the window I sat on a little bench beside it and lit up. Slowly I smoked the cigarette and drank the wine thinking about what had happened tonight. The nerve of them taking me there and acting that way they obviously thought they had got away with it. I drank the last of the wine and dropped the butt of the cigarette out the window. I began to get undressed sooner or later whatever was going on between Avril and Mom was going to come out and what the consequences would be I had no idea but one way or another it had to come to a head.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I was still very much in a mood when I got up the next morning. Even though the excitement of the day ahead and seeing Mhari again was a boost, Mom and Avril’s behaviour last night had cast a shadow on the outing.

After a perfumed shower I got dressed in typical day time attire. I chose a pair of jeans which had got a bit tight on me since the holiday all that junk food at College had probably put an inch or two on me. A loose fitting knitted top which dropped over the top of the jeans hid my little spare inch. A pair of cork wedge sandals foe me feet, even though it was winter the weather was ok and I figured we would be in and out shops for most of the afternoon so my feet should be fine.

I combed out my hair and fixed my make-up subtle day tones so that I would blend in with the crowd. I picked up the overnight bag I had packed put away my make-up bag and grabbing a shoulder bag I dropped my other essentials in it and headed downstairs. There was no sign of Mom yet as I flicked on the kettle to make myself a morning coffee. Once the water had boiled I poured it into a mug stirring the coffee I added a dash of milk and opened the side door stepping outside I put the mug on the boundary wall and lit a cigarette. It was a bright day not cold but with a slight breeze wish sent the odd shiver down your body. Once I had finished my cigarette and drank my coffee I went back to the kitchen by this time Mom had appeared still in a dressing gown but pouring her own coffee as I got inside.

“Morning, your ready early” she said as I washed out the empty mug.

“Only been down about 10 minutes” I said.

“Ok I’ll finish this and get dressed be less than an hour” she said as I started to leave the room.

“Fine I’ll just catch the News” I said as I walked across the hallway towards the lounge. Inside I put the TV on and pulling my legs up under me I sat on the settee.

Just under an hour later our bags were loaded into the boot of the car and we were pulling out of our driveway on route to Edinburgh. By now I had resolved to try and disguise my annoyance at last night. After all Mom had agreed to this trip and the re-emergence of Tracey for a short time and the atmosphere was just going to ruin the trip. So normal Mom and Daughter conversation resumed with some light music in the background as we slipped on to the motorway to continue our journey.

Just over an hour later we were turning into the Car Park of the Hotel Mom had booked. In reception a rather attractive girl with jet black hair welcomed us. Mom introduced herself as Mrs McWilliams. The receptionist confirmed the booking for two singles. At least that put my mind at rest a bit a single room most likely meant that Avril would not be joining us for the evening. With the paper work done a porter collected our bags and showed us upstairs to the rooms.

As Mom closed her door she said “Half an hour and I’ll meet you down in the lobby for some shopping”

“Ok” I said as I followed the porter another two doors along to my room. Inside I emptied my overnight bag into the drawers. In the bath room I tidied up my make-up and transferring some thing’s to a smaller bag I grabbed a rain jacket Mom had loaned me as the weather outside had not looked clever. Within the thirty minutes we were out on the street and heading to the nearest shopping centre.

The shopping trip was uneventful; the truce between me and Mom was holding we acted just like a mother and daughter out shopping. Mom insisted in buying me a new dress despite the fact that my limited appearances as Tracey meant that I could not really understand the logic behind the purchase but buy it she did. I for that matter was just as bad though as I couldn’t resist splashing out on a pair of black knee length suede boots with five inch heels!

We found a tearoom and sat with an afternoon coffee and a sandwich. My mobile rang looking at the display I saw Mhari’s name come up. I got up and left to take the call outside I lit a cigarette as I began to chat to Mhari.

“Have you got here yet” I asked excitedly.

“The trains just outside Waverley just now, should be at the hotel in about half an hour, where are you”

“Were at a tearoom just down from Princes Square, were just finishing off a coffee before heading back should get back just about the same time I’ll meet you in the lobby” I said.

“Ok see you soon, I’m just going into a tu……” she said before her phone cut out.

I finished of my cigarette and made my way back inside a few minutes later we had finished up and were heading back to the hotel.

Mhari looked fab when we got back she still looked brown as if she had still stepped off the ship. Either she had some fake tan on or she had been topping up her look as my holiday glow had long since faded.

After numerous hugs between the three of us we retired upstairs, Mom heading back to her room and me and Mahri to mine.

Inside we crashed on the bed.

“So how have thing’s been” Mhari asked.

“Fine but it’s been hard being back to boring old Michael for most of the time.”

“What about the other thing” she said nodding towards the door I knew she meant Mom.

I told her about the visit to the bar just the other night.

“Either they are using you as some sort of cover, you know they let you be Tracey they do what they want knowing that you won’t spill the beans as they have a hold on you, or they are trying to just let you get used to the fact that they might be together.”

“I don’t know, I mean when Mom and Dad are together, everything seems just like normal, just as it was before.”

“It’s an awkward spot to be in and as I said on the ship only you can decide if you want to confront it or just let it go and see how it shapes up, either way there is some pain ahead. Anyway let’s get this party started.” Mahri said as she opened her bag and pulled out a bottle of white wine.

“You get the glasses I’ll get this open” she said as she got up off the bed.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

An hour later the wine was gone, and we were both putting the finishing touches to our make-up. Mhari was wearing a black lace dress that was just verging on the indecent, it was ultra-short and although pretty see through the bits that should be covered to spare modesty were covered.

After some persuasion I was wearing the dress Mom had bought me today, it was a cowl neck tight to the shoulders and waist, the skirt dropped to just over knee length but it had a craftily placed zip on the front that allowed it to be opened right up to the top of your thigh. I chose to open it no further than a couple of inches above the knee, combined with the boots I had also bought today it looked fab.

Mhari looked over at me as I was just about to do my lips.

“What shades of red lippy” do you have she asked.

“Just this one” I said opening a lipstick and rolling it up.

“Not red enough, just a minute I’m pretty sure I've got a better one in here.”

Mhari searched through her make-up bag “ Yeah here it is and this lip liner as well.”

She took out both item and tossed them across the bed to me.

“This is a pretty expensive lipstick” I said.

“It’s fine it’s only been used a couple of times just use it and pop it in your bag, I mean your gonna need it to touch up your lips with all the snogging were gonna do”

“Mhari” I said

“What girl I’m horny tonight so I’m on the prowl”

“You’re a bad girl” I said laughing at her comment.

“Well it’s been weeks since my lady garden had some attention and I hope tonight will change that” she said winking in my direction.

I opened the lip liner and applied it Mhari was right the lipstick was much more dramatic and a much better match for my dress than the one I had.

Ten minutes later after painting our nails and posing for a quick selfie before we left the room we were ready for the night ahead.

A serial, of around 20 parts.

Healing Cousin George

by Karin Roberts

Part 1 - Arrival

“He’s not coping very well I’m sure he is still on the drink. I spotted several empty bottles in the bin and the house is not being cleaned very well” silence as she listened.

“Yes I know its early dear but we have to think of Melissa in all this” she paused again.

“Yes I know that being a farmer takes up a lot of time but so even the more reason why he needs some help” silence again.

“I know it’s a risk if we get the Social Work involved and losing the kid would probably push him over the edge, but I can’t think of anything else we can do, yeah ok, we will talk more tonight”

Mum had just been visiting my half cousin George who owned a farm in Ayrshire. George was 32 and owned a large farm near Irvine, he had a daughter called Melissa who had just turned 2 years old. When Melissa was born there had been complications and unfortunately due to an undetected heart defect in his wife, Grace, she had suffered a major heart attack just after Melissa was born. The medical teams had done all they could and revived her once only for her to suffer another attack and tragically she had passed away.

Since then he had been helped by several family members to deal with his loss, at times he had seemed to be on the mend, but there were several periods where depression had hit him hard and he had gone backwards again. I liked George he was a big strong looking guy, I’d only met him three or four times mostly at family occasions and fortunately more happy ones than the last time I had been in his company. On the other occasions our mutual love for a certain football club had seen us build bridges and chat for ages about games and players old and new.

Later that night when Dad returned from work I could hear them discussing the situation again I thought I heard my name being mentioned but maybe not, there was a bit of arguing. I could tell that my Dad was certainly dead against getting Social Service involved and was determined that we should deal with it in the family. Any Social Services involvement he felt would lead to Melissa being into care and away from George After all that had happened to George that was an option that even I thought would be detrimental to George’s recovery he had lost enough in his life, losing Melissa would be the last straw.

The next morning I was sitting eating breakfast when Mum and Dad came downstairs.

“Eh Alex can we talk to you for a minute” they asked,

“Yeah shoot” I said.

“Well you know how George is having some problems again we were wondering if you could go and stay with him for a while and help look after Melissa” I looked a bit stunned.

“I’m not much good with babies” I said.

“Nonsense, look how you helped Ashley when she had Megan and you’re going to be a Primary Teacher so you know how to deal with kids,”

Ashley was my elder sister who had been unfortunate enough to fall pregnant after a one night stand with somebody she met at a nightclub she was determined to keep the kid and when it was born she also needed to work to feed it, so I had helped out with child care while she went to work.

Also Mum was right I had just after my 22nd birthday qualified as a Primary Teacher and was offered a post in a local school for later that year.

“How long would I need to do it for,” I asked.

“Not that long just till he gets back on his feet or we can make other arrangements, anyway your not due to take up your job at Northgate Primary until mid August, so about 10 weeks maximum” my dad added continuing “Anyway you two get on like a house on fire talking football all the time maybe it’s just what George needs a friend around.”

I looked a beaten opponent, “Oh I suppose, Ok I’ll do it.”

“Thanks Alex the family needs to stick together at times like this” mother said.

So by Saturday morning I was packed and ready a large case loaded into my Dad’s car and all three of us drove down to Irvine. George was out in the fields when we arrived and Mrs Kane an elderly lady from the village was looking after Melissa. She greeted us on arrival as I lugged my case inside and on her instructions took it upstairs to the room that had been set aside for me. I looked out of the window of my room on a rolling landscape of ploughed fields and pasture about 1,000 yards further down the driveway was the main barn and what appeared to be a garage for farm vehicles a silo and some milking sheds and sheep pens were also dotted around as well as some other outhouses.

This was the first time that I had been to the farm. The farmhouse itself was very much old style low ceiling with wooden beams. The only change appeared to be that a modern bathroom with a corner bath had been installed, a conservatory had also been built just off the kitchen and central heating put in to replace most of the old style log fires. Only one fire remained and that was the one in the main living area which had a fantastic stone hearth around it.

Mrs Kane made us coffee in the kitchen and gave us the latest on how George had been since Mum’s visit.

“He’s been not bad had a bit of a blow-out last night went down the local came home early this morning a bit the worse for wear but not as bad as I’ve seen him. I’m just glad that someone is going to stay with him I’m a bit too old for all this now, but if you need any help Alex just give me a call the numbers on the pad.”

Mrs Kane stayed around for an hour or so and then my Dad gave her a lift home while Mum and I attended to Melissa. Mum then left me alone to get on with it while she made dinner for George’s return.

Around 6pm we heard a jeep pull up outside and George got out and walked to the door taking off his Wellington’s he strode into the house.

“Margaret, William, Alex good to see you all” he said. I helped mum set places at the table while George and dad went out into the conservatory for a cigarette.

Mum was making final preparations as I nipped upstairs to check on Melissa who was still asleep following her afternoon excitement and attention from all the family. Over dinner we sat and make general small talk until eventually George raised the subject,

“So are you ok coming here to look after Melissa, Alex?”

I hesitated slightly, “It’s fine by me, I don’t start my job until late August and the experience with a young child will do me no harm” I replied.

“You don’t mind leaving your friends for a few months’ and staying here.”

“No that’s ok as well, a couple of them have taken summer jobs and two other’s have gone on a hiking holiday in Wales so I would have been pretty much on my own most days anyway.”

“Well that’s ok then just as long as I’m not putting you out” he said.

“Don’t worry about it George were all family and we are here to help” my mother piped in as she lifted some plates of the table and went to wash up.

“Here let me give you a hand with that” I said standing up and walking towards the sink.

Mum and Dad stayed around for another hour or so while I settled in before leaving just as it was getting dark “Call us if you have any problems” Mum said out of George’s earshot “I will” I replied as she got into the car and drove off.

Me and George sat chatting about football and thing’s then before just before 10pm George announced that he needed to go and check on the barn so off he went and I went upstairs to look in on Melissa. She was still asleep, fidgeting a bit in her sleep, as she stretched and relaxed back into her world of childlike dreams. I tidied up the room a bit and then went along to my room and unpacked the rest of my stuff into the chest of drawers. I had brought 2 0r 3 novels with me to read during quieter periods, so grabbing a copy of the latest Richard Laymon novel I flopped on to the bed and began to read.

I’d been reading for about 15-20 minutes when I heard Melissa cry. Soft sobs followed by calls for her Mum, putting down my book I quickly moved along the corridor and opened the door.

“Shoosh baby, I’m here” I said approaching her bed and picking her up.

Her little arm slipping around my neck as I tried to comfort her she kept calling for her mum and her dad, “He’ll be home soon darling” I whispered into her ear as her sobs began to ease slightly, soon she was once again asleep and I eased her back down into her bed. I left the door open and went back downstairs put on the kettle and made myself a coffee. Looking at the clock it was just gone 11:15 pm.

“Where is he” I spoke out loud as I looked out the main window and down the farm track.

I must have fallen asleep as I awoke with a start as the door opened with a bang. As I adjusted my eyes to the light, George appeared the worse for wear as he staggered into the room.

“You shoduv gona bed” he said speech slurred as he walked over to the drinks cabinet.

“Uh uh no more” I said intercepting him before he got there “You’ve had enough” I said.

“Huw’s lissa” he mumbled.

“She’s fine fast asleep” I said “now let’s get you to bed.”

Putting his arm round my waist I guided him to the stairs and helped him climb up to his room. Once inside I let him slide onto the bed before I pulled off his boots and dropped a cover over him.

“Sleep well” I said as the first sound of snores rose from the bed as I closed the door to the bedroom. I looked in on Melissa and noticed another single bed in the corner of the room deciding it might be wise to be close to her I pulled off my shoes and shirt and lay on top of the bed soon like everyone else I was fast asleep.

I was woken by a strong rapping at our front door pulling on my shirt I buttoned it up and trotted downstairs. Opening the door I found a guy in probably his late 20’s at the door,

“George sleep in again?” he asked.

“Eh what time is it?" "Just after seven, said, he’d meet me in the field’s over by Bakers Wood”

“Ok look I’ll go and wake him get him to meet you over there ok.”

“Yeah fine, did he have a heavy night again?”

“No he’s just a bit too tired with all that’s happened” I said defending him.

“On my way” he said as I closed the door and hurried upstairs.

“George wake up you need to be at work” a few grunts as I shook him finally he started to stir.

“There was a guy at the door looking for you said something about Baker’s Wood.”

“Oh that’s Pete, yeah I was supposed to meet him over there, what time is it” “just after quarter past seven.”

“Ok I’ll get washed and be on my way.”

“You want any breakfast” I asked.

“No it’s ok; just make me up a flask of coffee.”

I went downstairs and made up the coffee I also managed to butter up a couple of rolls and dropped some cold meat on them before he came down.

“There” I said handing him that flask and rolls as he left the house. I went upstairs to wash and shave before I needed to see to Melissa.

By dinner time Sunday there was still no sign of George I looked down the farm roads looking for some tell tale sign’s of his arrival but there was no sign. I fed Melissa and put her down for the night leaving the door slightly ajar to listen for any noise should she wake. I lay on top of my bed pouring through another few chapters of my book. Around 10 I heard a car draw up and the sound of a drunken George get out mumbling a goodbye to the driver before it drove off. I went downstairs and arrived just as he entered not as bad as the night before but still somewhat drunk.

“You need to stop this” I said walking towards him as I approached I could see lipstick marks on the collar of his shirt and smell perfume from him.

“Where you been” I asked.

“Eh just went for a couple.”

“Eh more than a couple” I answered “This needs to stop you’ve got Melissa to think about.”

He sat down his head in his hands, I thought I could hear a slight sob, I crouched beside him,

“I know it’s hard” I said “But you’ve got a wonderful daughter who wants her dad with her sober, not like this you’ve hardly seen her this weekend.”

“I know” he mumbled through some tears, “But I miss Grace so much” his sobs increasing.

“I know” I said squeezing his arm “You want anything to eat” I asked.

“No it’s ok I’ll get some sleep we’ve a big day ahead of us tomorrow,” slightly unsteadily he got to his feet and headed up the stairs, I locked the door and put out the light’s and followed him up. This was not going too well I thought to myself as I followed behind him.

The next week was a bit better I busied myself with Melissa while George only went off the rails slightly disappearing again on Tuesday night and Wednesday night and returning drunk both nights although not as badly as he had been before, we spent a couple of hours chatting about Melissa, Grace and his feeling’s, I generally though we were getting somewhere. On Thursday I decided that I would take Melissa into the village and asked George if she had a buggy.

“Yeah it’s in the loft” he said as he strained to recover from last night’s hangover.

Once he was gone I checked on Melissa and went to retrieve the buggy. There was a small flight of steps up to what really wasn’t a loft but a small room built at the back of the house. Inside I put on the light and searched around there were several crates and boxes scattered around some old household appliances etc.

Being the curious type I opened a few boxes the first couple had cutlery and dishes and another had a collection of household ornaments and photo albums. I picked up one of the albums flicking through it I saw pictures of George and Grace, she had been an attractive girl about my height but with blonde hair cut shorter than the average female maybe, but still her feminine charms shone through.

Continuing my search I opened one of the crates and stepped back inside was all lot’s of her clothes. George had obviously not wanted to throw them out and stored them away a bit musky and damp but still ok. Finally closing the crate I moved on and found the buggy, leaving the room I switched of the light and went to get Melissa for our walk.

With Melissa in the buggy we walked the two miles into the village. It was the first time that I had been in the village for years nothing much had changed there was the small sub-post office a licensed grocers and newsagents, a butchers a small chemist and a fruit and veg shop, oh and the local pub / hotel which I expected was where George did much of his drinking.

I stopped by the benches at the war memorial and sat with Melissa in the overcast but pleasant fresh air several people went buy nodding there heads or uttering a quiet hello as they passed us. Around half an hour later I stood up and pushed the buggy towards the grocers to pick up a few thing’s, inside I picked up a fresh loaf of bread some cheese and milk a couple of tins of food for Melissa and a can of coke for myself, and today’s newspaper.

Crossing to the till I presented the items and the lady began to ring up my purchases.

“That’s George’s daughter isn’t it” she asked.

“Yeah I’m Alex, George’s nephew just down to help him out a bit” I replied.

“So sad what happened” she continued.

“Yes” I replied quietly.

“Well you tell him were all thinking of him and if he needs anything he only has to ask” she said as I handed over some money for my goods.

“Eh I will thanks” I said as I turned to leave.

“Bye” she called after me.

“Yeah bye” I said.

Outside I turned sharply and nearly ran into a young woman heading down the pavement.

“Oh I’m sorry” I said as the buggy caught her shins.

“It’s ok” she replied.

“Hey is that Melissa I see in there, hello babes” she cooed at her bending to stroke her cheek with her finger.

“You must be Alex then” she said offering me her hand “I’m Debby married to Gavin in the next farm” she explained.

“Oh pleased to meet you” I said shaking her hand.

“So you here for long” she asked.

“Oh I don’t know just helping out” I replied.

“Hey let’s grab a coffee.”

“Where I asked”

The old tack shop down the end of the village has turned into a small café and bakers” she answered.

“Eh, weil I should be getting back” I said.

“Oh go on ten, fifteen minutes at most”

“Oh all right” I said and we walked off together.

We reached the café and sat down a waitress approached us.

“Can I have a black coffee and a slice of your apple cake” Debby asked “What about you Alex”

“Eh just a tea and maybe a sausage roll if you have one” I asked the waitress nodding and headed off with our order.

Debby took out a pack of menthol cigarettes “You smoke she asked”

“Eh only sometimes” I replied.

She offered them to me.

“No I’ll pass this time

Debbie lit one; she blew some smoke to her left being careful to avoid Melissa.

“So how is George then?”

“He has good days and bad” I responded.

“Is he still drinking as much” she asked.

“Some nights” I lied.

“I thought so seen him in the Old Coach House on Sunday night” she took a draw from her cigarette and went on “pretty far gone he was, with that bitch Amanda all over him.”

“Who’s Amanda” I asked.

“She’s a Social Worker from Kilmarnock, she was assigned to help George when Grace died, but I figure she has her sights set on replacing her” she said as she flicked some ash of her cigarette and went on.

“She’s tried to cop off with every farmer in the area, just wants to marry into money, even tried it on with Gavin once till I left my hand print on her jaw” she said with a smirk taking a final draw on her cigarette and crushing it out.

“Yeah he came in drunk on Sunday, and had lipstick marks on his shirt” I confirmed.

“Yeah she was all over him in the pub” she said as our food arrived.

We chatted on I told her of my forthcoming job as a teacher and she explained that she was a lady of leisure now but had worked in a salon in Ayr before meeting Gavin.

“Any children” I asked.

“No not yet maybe in year or two when the farm’s doing a bit better. Hey you two should come over for dinner one night” she asked as we finished our drinks.

“Eh maybe, I’ll ask George” I replied as she paid the bill and we got up to leave.

Outside she said “It’s been good meeting you, and try to keep him away from that slut” she said.

“Eh I’ll try but I don’t know if I can, maybe I’ll see you soon” I said as I turned and began to wheel Melissa back towards the farm.

Healing Cousin George

Part 2 - Living With George

With the weekend almost upon us I expected another bout of drinking from George and I was not to be proved wrong. George left early that Friday morning for work. I had a slightly longer lie in than normal and woke just after nine when I heard Melissa cry, grabbing my dressing gown I padded next door to her room and lifted her up to sooth her.

“There, there little one “I said as her sobbing subsided leaving the room I took her downstairs and sat her in her chair while I preceded to make her something to eat.

Flicking on the kettle for some hot water to make myself a coffee I finished off Melissa’s breakfast and began to feed her, she was a good kid as far as feeding was required no dramatic stunts or refusals she just sat back and lapped up anything you gave her. Breakfast over I took her back upstairs with me and popped her on my unmade bed she crawled and giggled around as I pulled on a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt, fastening the jeans I noticed that I was loosing weight all this running around after Melissa and skipping meals to look after her was having it’s effect on me as well, so grabbing a belt slipped it through the belt loops and pulled it tighter I must have lost a good inch of my waist I thought as I picked her up again and headed downstairs with her once more.

In the living room we had our usual morning ritual of her crawling around playing with her toys and me. This usually lasted for around an hour before she tired her self out and had a nap till lunchtime, sure enough the usual pattern evolved and by just after eleven she was sound asleep in her buggy in the kitchen while I tidied up. After lunch and a walk in the buggy down the farm tracks to watch the cows in the field we headed back to start preparations for dinner.

I fixed us some food and kept back some for George hoping that he would come home to eat but half expecting that his first port of call would be the pub and not here. Me fears turned to truth as by mid evening he had not returned as I put Melissa to sleep for the night there was still no sign of him. I flicked through TV channels till I found something to watch and settled back to watch the late evening movie. Shortly before eleven I could here the sound of a vehicle approaching walking to the porch I could see two people in the land rover as it approached the house and parked.

Pete stepped out of the driver’s side and nodded to me.

“He’s had a bit of a skinful” he said moving round the car to open the passenger door.

“I thought I’d better drive him home, he was in no fit state to do it himself” he continued

“Thanks a lot” I said as I helped him get him out of the car and towards the house, inside we dropped him on to the couch.

“Eh I better get home” he said.

“Ok you live far away” I asked,

“Not far just outside the village.”

“Well look, take the land rover and drive yourself home, he’s not going to need it tonight” I said nodding in George’s direction.

“You sure” he asked.

“Yeah it’s ok” I said.

“Well I suppose because were working in the morning again, I could bring it back then” he replied.

“Well that’s settled then, look thanks again for bringing him home”

“No problem just get him sober” he said picking up the keys and heading out the door before I heard the land rover drive off into the night.

George grunted and I went over and put on the kettle boiling some hot water, I made a strong mug of black coffee and brought it back to him, shaking him I said,

“Here drink this” putting the mug to his lips and tipping some inside a small trickle ran out the side of his mouth.

“Why the hell are you doing this George” I said in a stern voice “You’re going to loose everything if you don’t stop, Melissa the farm, everything” I repeated, making him drink some more.

I could see the start of a tear form at his eyes “Missss her soo mush, why she have to die” he said in sobs and drunken slur as he finally held the mug himself and drank some more.

“I know it’s hard” I said “But you need to pull yourself together for Melissa” I said sternly again,

“Missss her whant her bach so mush” as he continued to cry.

“Look lets get you to bed” I said.

Taking the coffee mug from him and putting it on the table. I gripped his arm and helped him to his feet staggering slightly till he got some sense of balance; we walked slowly up the stairs me gripping one side of the banister rail while he gripped the other. We reached his room and I edged open the door with my foot as I helped him inside. Easing him down on the bed I took off his jacket and loosened the front of his shirt while he struggled with his belt buckle, shirt off he leaned on my shoulders while he kicked his trousers down his legs with his feet till he stepped out of them.

“Right sleep” I said as he slumped back in the bed and covering himself with the duvet.

I picked up his clothes dropped the trousers on the chair and took the shirt with me putting the light out as I left. Downstairs I dropped the shirt in the laundry basket and ensured that the outside door’s were locked before putting the kitchen light out and climbing back upstairs to bed, deep in thought as I went.

George was up and gone by the time I rose the next morning tending to Melissa I made breakfast and then took her a walk in her pushchair this time I had packed a small lunch for both of us and headed over to a small lake which had a picnic area attached where several fishermen were busy already trying to catch trout. Taking a seat with the buggy I watched them fish from the edge of the lake while another sat out in the middle of the calm water in a small wooden boat.

We spent about and hour sitting staring idly into space me teasing Melissa from time to time with my fingers while I sat deep in thought about George and his problems. He was still so cut up over Grace’s death, but what was I to do, he had to pull himself together maybe Amanda would do the trick but then Debby had been so sure that she was just a gold digger and would probably pack Melissa off to some boarding school at the first available opportunity. No there had to be another way but how, I thought as I started the trek with Melissa in the buggy back to the farmhouse.

Saturday night followed a similar pattern, I was learning now not to prepare any dinner for George so after me and Melissa had a light dinner and she was settled for the night in her cot downstairs I curled up on the sofa in front of the roaring coal fire to watch some TV. By eleven o’clock I was beginning to drop off as the fire died, so carefully picking up Melissa I switched off the lights and carried her upstairs, depositing her in her own room I moved along the hallway and walked into my room, undressing I slipped under the covers and flipped on the reading light, I had only read about a chapter when I dozed off.

I’m not sure how long it was but I was awoken by the noise of a car roaring up our driveway. My book still open at open at the place where I had dropped of I lifted it closing it and placing it on the bedside table I got up and crossed to the window pulling back the curtain slightly I peered outside. A car was visible in the weak light from the porch I could see George step out moving unsteadily round to the other side he leaned towards the open window a woman’s face appeared and there lips met , lingering for a minute before he stood up and walked drunkenly to the door. I let the curtain go and returned to bed, sounds of him banging around downstairs as I settled down to go back to sleep.

The next morning George was ill, Pete appeared to collect him for work and I apologised.

“Yeah he’d had a skin full when I saw him last night” Pete said,

“I’m really sorry” I said.

“It’s ok there’s not much to do today I just need to see to the cattle, can do that myself” he went on.

“Ok and thanks again” I repeated closing the door before returning to Melissa.

Mum and Dad were coming over later today for a visit so I tidied up and changed Melissa into a new dress before changing myself and having a shave. Shortly before midday I heard their car pull up, George had still not surfaced as I opened the door to welcome them.

“Hi Alex how’s it going” Dad asked.

“Ok, eh George is in bed ill” I lied, as they stepped inside. Mom drew me the yeah right look as she sat down. We made small talk around Melissa and how well she was looking, how was I coping with her etc.

“How about we all drive into Kilmarnock for lunch” Mum asked.

“Eh I suppose so, I’ll just see how George is” I said as I moved towards the stairs.

George was still flat out as I crossed the room picking up the discarded shirt and trousers as I went towards the bed. Emptying the pockets I took out his rather bulging wallet and some coins the other pocket had a comb and a piece of glossy paper in it, looking down I saw the remains of a ripped open condom packet, stopping, I dropped it,

“Well it looks like Amanda got lucky last night” I said to myself as I bent to retrieve it.

Walking the last few paces to the bed I shook George lightly,

“George we are going out for lunch” I said as he stirred.

“Ehh, eh what” he mumbled.

“I said were going out for lunch, I’m taking Melissa with me, ok”

“Eh yeah” he said turning over his face burying in the pillow.

“Ok see you later” I said walking to the door and closing it.

Back downstairs I deposited the clothing in the wash basket and carefully disposed of the condom wrapper in the bin before my parents could see it,

“You ready” a call came from the lounge,

“Yeah” I said entering the room and reaching for Melissa I lifted her and her collapsed buggy

“Let’s go then” Dad said.

“George still not well” then Mum asked with a touch or sarcasm.

“Eh, eh no still a bit under the weather” I said as we stepped outside and into the cool afternoon sunshine.

Conversation was slow over lunch with updates on what was going on at home how Ashley and Megan were getting on, how work was going for my parents, and information on the usual local gossip. With our meals over dad went to the toilet and to get another round of drinks,

“It’s not going well Alex is it” mum said hitting me with a direct question as soon as he left his seat and was out of earshot,

I hesitated “Ups and downs” I said “Weekends are the worst he’s not too bad during the week now only a couple of drinks a night but its binge drinking at it’s worst at the weekends, plus he’s got some tramp running around after him” I blurted out.

“It needs to stop Alex”

“Yeah I know but I feel so sorry for him, the other night he was in tears again over Grace” I replied. I continued “Melissa’s great, I’m so attached to her now”

“But your not her parent, Alex, George needs to be responsible for her” she said with an edge.

“Yeah I know but I don’t know what else I can do he misses Grace so much” I stuttered

“Well you need to think of some way of getting him to overcome his problems” she said as Dad approached with our drinks.

“I’ll try” I said.

“I know you will dear” she said.

For the rest of the lunch I was distracted, just how was I going to heal George.

Healing Cousin George

Part 3 - New Tactics

I’m not sure why I choose the path that I choose that morning, maybe it was born out of some frustration over the situation that I found myself in, or the deep desire to keep a loving family together. However, I do know that I have never regretted it since.

The morning began just as any other day had; George was gone by the time I woke. I checked on Melissa, got her dressed and then made some breakfast. Our usual morning routine of frolicking around in the house before a short walk in the buggy down the farm road, stopping to watch the cows in the field Melissa giggling and pointing at the animals trying to take in the scenes and sights around her as a child does. By the time we had arrived back at the house Melissa was out cold, carefully lifting her out of the buggy I carried her upstairs and put her down in her cot.

Leaving the door open so I could hear her if she woke up; I climbed the few steps to the loft and opened the door. I was not sure what I was about to do was right or sensible but the idea sounded good in my head. Opening the box’s containing Grace’s clothes I selected a few items including shoes, there was a toilet bag containing some cosmetics and underwear, off to the right I spotted a shelf where there was what appeared to be a couple of heads on the shelf, crossing over to my surprise I found that they were two wig stands one with a golden blonde wig and the other with a light brown wig, both around shoulder length thick and luscious hair with a fringe that swept across the forehead. Collecting everything I had picked up I left the room and closed the door.

Walking in to the bathroom my heart was thumping, was I right, how mad this idea was, I thought to myself. Removing my clothes I stripped off and began to dress. The underwear in place I padded the bra with some rolled up socks I had taken from my room and then pulled the black shiny cap sleeve blouse over my shoulders and fastened the buttons. Pulling on some tan tights I slipped the blue denim skirt up my legs. It was a slight struggle to get the button fastened at the back and the zip fully up, but eventually I managed it. I stepped into the two inch kitten heeled shoes I had chosen, a bit tight I thought and a bit wobbly but a couple of minutes of walking around the bath room and I had perfected my balance.

I left the bathroom and went into George’s room where there was a mirrored dressing table which I presumed that Grace had used many times. Sitting down I opened the cosmetics bag and looked at the products in front of me. I had used make up before as a member of the college drama group we had frequently put on play’s where some sort of stage make up was required so I had a fair idea of what I was doing. Twenty minutes later I was pulling on the wig.

The wig in place looking in the mirror I caught my breath, “Jesus I thought you really look like a woman” I said. Looking through a couple of drawers in the dresser I came across a jewel box opening it I found what must have been Graces, jewellery collection. There was not a great deal but I found a gold watch with an expanding band a couple of gold bangles a gold chain and a pair of simple gold leaf earring’s with clips. Putting on the jewellery I stood up and sprayed some perfume on my hands and neck that I had found upstairs. Looking in the full length wardrobe mirror I was stunned to see a female looking back at me, Ok not the most shapely woman in the world but one that would definitely not be read as a guy in a dress.

Melissa stirred me into action as I heard her gently sob, through the open bathroom door. I turned and walked towards her room, entering I picked her up my change in appearance had no obvious effect on her a couple of soothing words as I cradled her to my fake boobs and she was once again peaceful. I carried her downstairs and deposited her in her buggy pushing the buggy into the conservatory to catch some afternoon sunlight. I pushed the buggy up beside the settee and sat down crossing my legs in a ladylike manner was a surprising reaction. I pulled over a TV magazine from the coffee table and started to glance through it. Melissa stirred “What’s wrong darling, you want some juice” I asked getting up I left the conservatory and went to get her bottle taking it from the fridge I returned towards the conservatory and opened the door. A rap on the window, I looked up and stared ahead caught like a rabbit in headlights I stood transfixed, there at the window stood a smartly dressed female smiling towards me and gesturing for me to open the door.

She gestures towards the door again and I awoke from my trance like state and put the bottle down on the table and walked towards the door, “Christ I’ve blown it now” I said quietly to myself as I reached the patio windows. I turned the catch and pushed the door open, she stepped towards me.

“Hi I’m Amanda” she said offering me her hand.

“Eh Alex” I said “you startled me a bit I wasn’t expecting you” I continued.

“Just thought I’d pop by see if George is around and how this lovely baby is” she said

She moved past me and towards Melissa. Crouching in front of her she put out her hand and made some of those annoying noises that adult’s make expecting babies to understand them. She turned,

“George didn’t mention you were a girl” she said with an edge in her voice.

Girl did she just say, I’d pulled it off she thought I was a girl, I relaxed slightly.

“Didn’t he, Alex is short for Alexandria” I said, “would you like a coffee” I asked.

“Yeah that would be nice milk and no sugar please, we need to look after our figures” she said through a slightly forced smile.

“Ok, back in a minute” I said walking towards the kitchen.

I busied my self with the kettle in the kitchen, I’d got away with it I thought she really thinks I’m a girl I thought as the water boiled and I spooned some coffee into two mugs. “Just stay calm” I said to myself act naturally she won’t stay long. Picking up the cups I walked back to the conservatory and went in, Amanda was sitting on the settee her briefcase by her feet, I handed her the cup and sat on the opposite settee putting the hot cup on a coaster I sat down being sure to cross my legs in a lady like manner.

“George not here then” she asked sipping her coffee and looking around.

“No out in the fields” I said thinking how daft a question that was, he’s a farmer for gods sake where else would he be. She went on,

“We had a great night the other week there down the pub; he’s so nice, isn’t he,”

“Yeah I suppose so” I said sounding disinterested.

“You got a boyfriend” she asked, god she’s fishing I thought.

“No not just now” I answered.

“You’ll need to come down the village with us one night, I’ll find you a nice young local man” she replied.

“Eh I’m quite happy as I am” I said.

“Fair enough, Melissa looks well” she said glancing round at her quickly.

Finally she gets to Melissa I thought, it’s your job to monitor her welfare, glad to see you’re interested,

“Yes she’s really well, such a darling I love her to bits.”

She opened her purse and took out a pack of cigarettes.

“You mind” she asked.

“Eh well I’d rather you stepped outside, Melissa’s here,”

“Oh yeah”, I forgot she said as she rose, I got up with her and we both moved towards the door and stepped out onto the patio.

“You smoke” she asked offering them towards me.

“Only when I’m out socially” I replied and declined she took one out and lit up.

We stood outside in silence as she finished her cigarette and coffee,

“I better be off the, some other calls to make, nice to meet you,” she said handing me the cup and walking back inside she picked up her case and walked back to the door.

“Tell George I popped buy and I’ll call him, we can go out this weekend, if you change your mind remember come along” she said with another forced smile.

“I will” I replied as I slid the door shut and she walked off.

Back inside I sat down and drank the last of luke warm coffee and then it hit me in full, what the hell have I done George will go mad when I tell him and how do I explain this I thought looking down at the denim skirt and my tan coloured legs. More importantly how can I go back now that I’ve met Amanda?

“I can explain...” I stammered.

“Alex is that you? What the fuck are you doing? And is that Grace’s clothes you’re wearing?”
 

Healing Cousin George
Part 4 - New Me
by Karin Roberts

 
I sat quietly in the kitchen contemplating my situation; how the hell had I got into this. My half baked idea of bringing a woman at home back into George’s life had certainly backfired. He had a woman I thought Amanda, but then again she was only interested in one thing and it certainly wasn’t Melissa. How would he react, most likely I would be on the first train home in the morning and then how do I explain my return home to my parents?

The shadows were lengthening as I stirred and began to make the evening meal here I was dressed as a woman making dinner for my cousin and his daughter how bizarre was that. The meal almost complete and my nerves and stress level’s rising I walked into the conservatory to check on Melissa she was fast asleep

I picked up the used coffee cups form my earlier encounter with Amanda, as I passed the settee I looked down. There, sort of half covered by a cushion, was Amanda’s pack of cigarettes. She must have dropped them when she picked up her bag. I lifted the pack and opened it; "Just what I need!" I thought "to calm my nerves." I had noticed a slim gold lighter, which must have been Grace’s, in a drawer in the lounge. I walked through and found it, then headed back to the conservatory, I stepped outside and removed a cigarette from the packet. Lifting it to my lips, I gripped it and sparked the lighter into life, pushing the tip into the flame. I inhaled the cool menthol flavour filling my mouth as the distant sound of a land rover heading this way became evident. George was coming home. I stubbed out the cigarette and went back inside.

I watched discretely from an upstairs window as George stepped out of the vehicle, praying that he would not ask Pete in. Happily he did not and Pete crossed to the barn in seconds the sound of his motorbike roared into life as he sped out of the barn and back down the farm road. George busied himself garaging the land rover for the night locking up the barn and checking on some of the livestock in the cattle shed. Then just as the outhouse lights ignited on their timer’s I saw him head toward the house. For some bizarre reason I straightened my skirt and fluffed up my hair before descending the stairs as I hit the bottom the sound of the door opening greeted me.

“Alex, I’m back. How’s my daughter been today?”

He still had not seen me. His back turned as he closed the door behind him.

“Eh good.” I answered. Silence, as he looked across the room at me. A long pause as he stared. His eyes adjusted to the sight.

“I can explain...” I stammered.

“Alex is that you? What the fuck are you doing? And is that Grace’s clothes you’re wearing?”

For the next ten minutes or so, I tried as best I could to explain my dress and why I had done it: my concerns over George’s welfare, his drinking, my daft idea that maybe having a woman around the house would help cure it or change his habits, him blurting out the other night about getting Grace back etc. He questioned me had I done this sort of thing before, was I gay, both of which I nervously denied.

“Ok, then just go upstairs and get changed. And let’s say no more about it.” he announced.

“Eh there’s just one slight problem with that” I said.

“What” he said agitated with the situation.

“Well you had a visitor this afternoon” he looked at me his mood deepening.

“Who?” he asked.

“Amanda.” this lit the blue touch paper.

“You mean to say that you were prancing around the house in Grace’s clothes and my Social Worker saw you?” I nodded sheepishly.

“Well that’s just fucking fantastic! I’d be surprised if she’s not putting the papers together just now to have Melissa taken into care. Single parent father with cross dressing babysitter. That’s just fucking wonderful! I can just see the headlines now.” I heard Melissa begin to cry.

“Don’t shout! You're scaring her.” I said.

“Scare her? That’s the least of my worries just now. Did she say anything?”

“Eh no. I think I got away with it. She thought I was a woman.” I replied.

“At least that’s something.”

Melissa continued to cry. I stood and started to go towards her.

“Leave her.” he commanded “I’ll see to her. Right now I can’t bear to look at you. Get out of my sight!”

I turned and ran up the stairs leaving the scene behind. Bursting into my room I needed a cigarette picking up the packet. I opened the window and leaned out, lit the ciggie, and blew out a cool stream of smoke as the night air swirled around me. Then I began to cry.

At first, I could hear noises of George banging around in the kitchen. Melissa had quietened down by now. The noises stopped and assumed both had sat down to dinner; I was not in the least bit hungry, I had more on my mind. Somehow I must have dropped off; I awoke with a light tapping at the door.

“Alex. Are you ok?” George asked.

I got up and some sort of instinct took over. I looked in the mirror and fluffed up the wig I still had on. There were some dark blotches under my eyes where I had been crying, and the mascara had run. I picked up a tissue and walked towards the door dabbing my eyes as I went. I opened it slowly.

“Can I come in? We have to talk.”

I stepped aside and George walked in.

“Do you want me to go home?” I asked.

He sighed.

“That’s not really practical is it? I still need someone for Melissa.” He hesitated. I walked over and picked up the cigarettes and took one out. Lighting it, I sat on the bed.

“So what do we do?" I asked, looking to him for some help.

“Well, we don’t have much choice, do we? Amanda knows about you, you can’t just transform back into Alex the boy." he said.

“So what do we do?” I asked, getting a bit anxious.

“Well, either you go home and I hire someone else, or you stay and stay as Alex,” I looked at him

“You mean like this?” I gestured towards my dress as I blew out a cloud of smoke.

“Well, yes. I suppose” he answered. There was a pause.

“Eh, I don’t know. What if I muck up and someone finds out?”

“Well you said you tricked Amanda and you had me fooled for a minute downstairs, so maybe we can make it work.”

“Oh I don’t know if I could do it. I’d need some help some tips or coaching with things.” I said

“The less people that know the better. Who did you have in mind?” he asked.

“Well I met Debby in the village a couple of days back she seems nice.”

“Debby Cairns who’s married to Gavin?” he asked.

“Yeah that’s her.” he paused.

“I’m not sure about that” I interrupted.

“It’ll be ok. I’ll call her tomorrow swear her to secrecy ask her to help me with clothes and make up.”

I could see him thinking.

“Ok let’s both think about it overnight, we'll talk about it in the morning.”

“Ok, see you in the morning” I said.

He got up to leave. As he reached the door, he turned.

“Oh just one thing. Alex, if your going to do this, then I don’t want you wearing any of Grace's things, Ok? If you're going to do this, you need to get your own clothes.” I nodded.

“Good. Then get some sleep” he said as he left the room.

The next morning, I got up early before George had left for his days work on the farm. Dressing in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt I padded downstairs. George was busy filling a flask of coffee as I entered the kitchen and went opened the bread bin to get some bread and make some toast.

“Sleep well?” he asked.

“As well as I could.“ I answered.

“You thought about our talk last night?” he asked.

“Didn’t think about much else.” I replied

“And?”

“Well... I guess I’ve got no choice. I’ll need to be Alex for the summer or however long I’m here.”

He looked at me “You sure?” he asked again.

“Well there’s no way I want you to lose Melissa because of something I did. And Dad would go crazy if you got someone who’s not family to look after her. So, I guess I need to run with it.”

“Ok, well, you need your own clothes as I said and I don’t want you wearing Grace’s stuff.” he said reaching inside his jacket pocket he brought out his wallet.

“Here, take this. The pin number’s 3916” he said handing me a cash line card.

“Eh, thanks” I said.

“But don’t go mad” he said as he picked up his lunch and flask and headed for the door.

“I’ll see you later” he said as he walked out into the bright morning sunshine.

The toaster popped and I picked up the two bronzed slices of bread and spread a little marmalade on each. Sitting at the table I mulled over my decision this was going to be one hell of a challenge and I could still not believe I was going to try and pull it off. But hey! It was my own fault! Finishing the toast, I put the plate in the sink and headed towards the lounge. I looked in the phone book and found the number I wanted. Picking up the receiver, I dialed the number. It rang.

“3689412” came the answer.

“Eh, Debbie, is that you?” I waited.

“Yeah. Who is this?”

“It’s Alex, remember? I’m looking after Melissa.”

“Oh yeah! How are you?”

“Eh, ok. But I’ve got a bit of a problem and I need some help. Are you busy?”

“No, not really. I was going into town later, but nothing that can’t wait. What can I do?”

I paused.

“Can you come over?” I asked. “I’m in a bit of a fix and need some help.”

“Is there something wrong with Melissa?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s me that needs your help.”

"Sounds intriguing” she said.

I hesitated.

“It’s, well... it’s a bit awkward. I’ll explain when you get here”

“Ok. see you about ten.”

“Thanks” I replied.

“No problem then. See you later.” she finished. Then she was gone.

I stood up. “Well I’ve done it now!” I said to myself. I returned to the kitchen and washed up the dirty dishes and then headed off to see to Melissa.

Today was going to be an interesting day.

“So how can I help” she asked.

“Well” I hesitated “We can’t go back now, god knows what would happen if she found out, Melissa might end up in care or worse” I said.

“So what are you going to do,” I paused,

“Well I need to become Alex the girl.”
 

Healing Cousin George
Part 5 - Girly Fun
by Karin Roberts

 
Just before ten I heard the sound of Debbie’s four wheel drive, screech to a halt outside the farmhouse. I walked to the door and opened it Debbie climbing the couple of steps up to the door she said “Hi! What’s the emergency?”

“You better come in,” I said, stepping back to allow her to pass.

“You want a drink” I asked,

“Bit early is it not” she replied.

“You might need one” I said with an edge to my voice.

“Eh just a coffee then, no sugar just a spot of milk” she continued. I walked to the kettle and flicked it on the amber light glowing as the water heated. Pouring the hot water into two mugs I picked them up and returned to the lounge Debbie was looking in at Melissa who was gurgling incomprehensible as she scratched at her chest.

“Absolutely lovely kid” she said turning and sitting on the settee. I put her coffee down and sat opposite.

“So what’s the problem?” she asked.

“Eh I need your help, it’s a little difficult” I began.

Ten minutes later Debbie was in fits of laughter the words struggling to come out between giggles. “It’s not funny” I said a bit angry at her. “Oh it is, I’d love to have seen the look on her face a young woman looking after her boyfriend’s child, she must have been spitting feathers” she said before breaking down into the giggles again.

“I think I fooled her” I said.

“Must have done she would have been in touch with George by now if you hadn’t” she said.

“So how can I help” she asked.

“Well” I hesitated “We can’t go back now, god knows what would happen if she found out, Melissa might end up in care or worse” I said.

“So what are you going to do,” I paused,

“Well I need to become Alex the girl.” I said, hardly believing I had just said that.

“You mean full time?” she asked with a surprised tone.

“Well while I’m here looking after Melissa anyway” I said continuing “So that’s where you come in. You need to turn me into Alex.”

“You’re serious about this?” she asked sipping her coffee before putting it back on the table. I nodded.

She sat considering what I had just asked looking me over in silence “Stand up” she said I stood “Do a little twirl” she said I turned full circle. “Yeah I think it could work,” she said.

“You’ll do it then?” I asked.

“Yeah it’ll be fun and if it gets up Miss Social Workers nose then so much the better,” she said.

“When?” I asked, nervously.

“Well there’s no time like the present, let’s go to my place,” she said draining the last of her coffee and lifting our two mugs she headed to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder.

“You get Melissa, and I’ll meet you at the car.” I walked over and lifted Melissa still not quite believing that I was about to do this but somewhere deep down I had the feeling that it would turn out alright and it was the right thing to do. I walked out into the sunlight and met Debbie.

“You better get in the back, and keep low she said in case we run into Amanda.”

“Ok.” I said climbing in and carefully putting Melissa on the back seat in her small carry cot I held on to it ducking down to be hidden from the outside world.

“You ready?” she asked.

“I guess so.” I replied.

“This is going to be fun” she said as she started the engine and we began to head down the driveway away from the farm.

We must have been driving for 10 to 15 minutes when the car began to slow and then stopped.
“Were here” Debbie called form the front “You can get up now.” I rose a bit cramped and picked up Melissa as the door opened and I stepped out.

“Lovely house,” I commented, looking at the modern structure in front of me.

“Oh, we rebuilt it about three years ago. I would love to have kept the old farm house like yours; just done it up a bit, but structurally it was a mess so it was best to rebuild. Anyway, let’s get moving. It’s going to be a busy day." We went inside and upstairs to the main bedroom. “Put Melissa down on the bed. I'll watch over her while you have a bath”

“Eh, a bath?” I asked, as she handed me a bottle.

“Rub that all over your skin but not on your head” she said. “Oh and take this,” she handed me a light lemon bathrobe trimmed with white “I’ll meet you back in here in half an hour, now shoo!”

I walked to the bathroom and stepped inside to find one of those large old style tubs in the centre of the room. Turning on the hot water I let it run looking around I spotted some bath salts lifting the bottle I tipped some in the smell reaching my nostrils, I looked at the bottle.

Scent of a Woman it was called. “Hope it works. I need all the help I can get.” I said to myself as I began to strip off my clothes. Naked, I rubbed in the cream that she had given me all over my body before stepping down into to the hot bubbly water. I lay there thinking about what I was doing. "I must be mad," I thought. Just then, the door opened, and Debbie stepped in picking up my jeans and shirt.

I said, “Hey! A bit of privacy! And where are you going with my stuff?”

“Well you won’t be needing them and you’ve not got anything I haven't seen before” she said with a grin, before leaving the bathroom.

Half an hour later, I patted myself dry and pulled on the dressing gown. Padding back to the bedroom, I found Debbie was searching in her drawers for something as I entered.

“You used that cream I gave you?”

“Yes.” I replied.

“So you’re nice and hairless and smooth now?” she asked with a grin.

“Yes."

“You used it everywhere?” she teased.

I knew what she was trying to get out of me.

“Yes” I said again for the third time.

She giggled.

“Not to worry. I’m commando down there as well.” she said

“Debbie, I don’t need to know that!” I blushed while looking at her.

“It’s ok. Its only girls here together. We tell thing’s like that to each other” she said with a smile before handing me a pair of light blue panties. “Here put these on. They’ll be a bit tight. And go sit over by the dresser. I’ll be back in a minute” she said leaving me alone.

I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the soft silky panties up my smooth legs. I’d expected some sort of reaction in my groin, but there was nothing. Maybe it was the nerves of sitting half naked in Debbie’s bedroom. I don’t know but there was nothing. I pushed my flaccid penis back between my legs. Looking down, I could see the outline of a female. Just then Debbie returned with what looked like a large toolbox.

“Eh I hope there’s no surgery involved in your plan” I said with a nervous laugh.

“No, this is my beauty box, which is going to turn you into a ravishing female. Now get over here and sit down,” she pointed to a dressing table with a small stool.

I rose and walked over towards it sitting down. She crossed behind me and gleamed, “Now we can begin.”

“You need to learn to flirt” she went on,"It's all part of the fun of life.”

“Eh maybe. Look, it’s ok for you, but I’m not exactly what I seem, am I?” I said as we walked along

“What you worrying about? You were a natural and they never suspected a thing,” she said, as we turned towards the car.

“No, I don’t think they did. But you weren’t the one that was getting their leg felt up.”
 

Healing Cousin George
Part 6 - Transformation
by Karin Roberts

 
Debbie spent the next hour or so working on my face,hair and nails. I protested a bit when she suggested cutting my hair into a more female style.

“I only met Amanda yesterday. She will notice the difference” I said.

“Don’t be silly Alex! Women change their hair styles all the time. So you had a trip to the hairdressers - so what?” she said giggling as she spoke.

“Eh I suppose so” I mumbled, so my hair was restyled.

“There done” she said as she shaped my fingernails finished and painted them with a light pink nail polish.

“Can I look” I asked.

“No not yet let’s get you dressed and then you can get the full effect,” she led me over to her closet.

“My stuff will probably be a bit tight on you so we need to do something about that.”

She opened the closet and rummaged around on the top shelf a bit. “Here this will do she said pulling down a boned corset from the shelf. “Now lean on the bed frame, while I put this on” she asked.

I put both hands on the metal bed rail and bent slightly she pulled the silky garment around me and started to pull in the laces.

“Breathe in a bit” she asked so I did.

I could feel the garment tighten around my waist and pull it in. Finished pulling she asked “Can you breathe, ok.”

“Yeah I suppose it feels a bit tight, and I’m not sure if I could bend easy” I responded,

“Don’t worry the feeling will pass, now let’s get the rest of your outfit sorted, times ticking and we have shopping to do.”

The rest of my outfit consisted of a light blue bra to match the panties I was wearing which she stuffed with some padding to give me the impression of breasts, a pair of tan tights, followed by some tight blue denims and a dark navy wrap round cotton top which although a bit low at the front was still adequate to cover my false cleavage. Shoes were a pair of 3 inch navy leather pumps with a thicker heel.

“Stiletto’s might be too much for you just yet but we do need to buy some, their essential” she joked as I walked around the room to practice.

Lending me a watch and a gold necklace and some gold bangles she produced a pair of clip on earring’s which she fitted to my ears.

“Voila the new Alex is born” she said.

“Can I look now” I asked.

“Yep” she said taking my hand and leading towards another cupboard in the bedroom, she opened the door inside the door was a full length mirror positioning her hand on my waist she moved me in line with the mirror.

“What do you think then” she asked, I stood open mouthed looking at the sight before me

“Jesus Christ” I said quietly. Looking at the sight in front of me I was dumbfounded in the mirror stood a hot young woman with a modern trendy hairstyle flawless make up and a good figure.

“Right that’s enough we’ve got shopping to do, go downstairs while I freshen up a bit then we are off to Glasgow to hit the credit cards” with that I left the room and negotiated my way downstairs.

I sat in the lounge carefully crossing my legs as I had watched women do countless times before, my mind fixed on the task ahead of creating Alex’s female wardrobe. Although I was about to be let loose en femme in a big city I was strangely confident that everything would be ok, Debbie’s transformation of me had created a vision of femininity I could never have imagined, licking my lips I could taste the lipstick and liked how I felt.

Fifteen minutes later Debbie appeared dressed in a short black denim skirt with black leather stiletto pumps a white satin top clung to her body showing the outline of her breasts making me wish that I had something similar to fill the cups of the bra I wore.

“Let’s go” she said as she handed me a white wool waist length jacket with a tie belt and a white leather shoulder bag which I slung over my shoulder the way I had observed female members of my family do.

“I took the cash card out of your trousers it’s in the purse in the bag” she announced

“Eh thanks” I said picking up Melissa and cradling her to my chest. We stepped out into the bright afternoon sunshine our two sets of heels clicking on the concrete path as we headed to the car. A strange feeling coming over me as I walked en femme to the car a feeling difficult to explain but dressed and carrying Melissa as I was I really began to feel that I was her mother.

We drove in silence each probably unsure in the unusual situation what to say to each other. As we reached the outskirts of Glasgow Debbie asked me to get her a cigarette out of her bag. I picked up the bag on the backseat and opened it taking out the packet as Debbie pushed in the cigarette lighter on the dashboard.

“Eh can I have one as well” I asked

“Eh if you want what’s wrong” she enquired.

“Just a bit nervous” I replied.

“You’ll be fine, look at you no one would guess you were a guy,”

“I know and thanks, but I’m still a bit spooked” I said.

The lighter popped out as I handed her the cigarette and took another from the pack she pushed the head into the lighter and inhaled deeply handing me the lighter over her shoulder I took it from her and did the same before handing it back to her. We both rolled down the windows and sat back to enjoy the cigarette and the last of our journey, I looked down at the white filter of the cigarette with the faint pink stain and little sparkles caused by the lip gloss Debbie had used on my lips. As I took a final draw and exhaled a slim cool stream of smoke towards the gap at the top of the window before extinguishing it in the ashtray. We turned left into a narrow street and towards a large multi storey car park. “Were here” Debbie said a smile breaking out as we travelled the final few yards to our destination.

We both got out of the car and opened up the buggy placing Melissa safely in the buggy we set of, taking the lift down to the ground floor we stepped out into the daylight our eyes adjusting to the bright sunlight as we walked along the street.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this” I said in a hushed voice to Debbie.

“Its fine no one’s given you a second glance” she said smiling over at me, as we turned into a busy Argyle Street which was packed with shoppers.

“How much has he given you to spend” Debbie asked.

“Don’t know but I suppose there’s a withdrawal limit on the card” I replied, “Tight git” she said laughing.

“I’ll help you out today you can pay me back when you see George” she said as we steeped towards an automatic teller.

“Maybe I shouldn’t go mad; I mean it’s only for a short period.” I said.

“Rubbish you know how he’s been working on that bit of land up in the woods, well it’s right by the new road they are going to build, sold it for about quarter of a million” Debbie announced, “Anyway a girl can never have enough clothes” she said with a smirk on her face.

I stopped stared at her “He never said” I responded.

“No well you spend what you like I’ll cover you, you can pay me back later.” I put the card in the machine as I thought there was a daily limit of  £500 so I took it all and stashed it away in the purse in my bag.

“Let’s get busy then” Debbie said and off the two of us strode into the shopping crowds.

Three hours later we were laden down with bags as we headed back to the car with our purchases my “allowance” well and truly gone and a sizeable chunk added to Debbie’s credit card.

“George will go mad” I said.

“He’ll be fine with it, anyway a girl can never have enough clothes” Debbie reassured me.

“But I’m not a girl” I said in a hushed tone.

“Don’t think any of the shop assistants thought that, especially that guy in the shoe store who was eyeing you up” she said.

“He was not” I said as a blush spread across my face.

“Whatever, take it from one who knows, he was” she replied.

The afternoon had been one of hitting as many stores as possible, me a nervous wreck at first as we sought out bargains. Changing rooms had been a problem for me at first but with Debbie in tow I had overcome my fear as she followed me in passing on advice on whether the item suited or not.

As we reached the car we pack our purchases away, shoes, boots, jeans, trousers, tops, skirts and a couple of dresses all for use of the new Alex.

“Ok let’s grab a bite to eat” Debbie said.

“Eh I don’t know” I said.

“Look you’ve marched around en femme all afternoon tried on clothes, not a single second glance, so going for a bit of dinner won’t hurt” she said.

“Ok I suppose not and it might be fun” I said with my new found confidence.

“Good let’s go then I’m starved “she said as she locked the car and we walked away.

We found one of those chain pubs serving reasonably priced meals and that allowed children in. Seated at a small booth by the window we looked out over the bustling city as offices began to close and workers began to make their way home.

We scanned the menu “What would you like” Debbie asked “Eh maybe fish and chips” I replied.

“Eh I don’t think so you’ve got a figure to look after now” she said a smirk crossing over her face as the waitress approached.

“Well’ have two tuna salads and two glasses of house white” she asked as the young girl scribbled the order down and off she went.

“I’ve enjoyed today” Debbie said.

“I think what your enjoying is the though of putting one over Amanda” said as she lit a cigarette and offered me one.

“Well there is that” she said as she offered me a light.

A few minutes later our food arrived and we sat in silence eating our snack. After our meal Amanda lit up again and offered me one I declined.

“See those two guy’s over at the bar they have been eyeing us up for the last half our or so” not used to the protocol I snapped my head round.

“Alex don’t be so obvious” she said quietly.

Two business men were standing just beside the bar I could feel myself blush as they smiled in my direction. One sort of made some head gesture to Debbie who nodded and then began to walk over. Turning towards Debbie I said.

“What you doing asking them over” in a panicky voice, “No sweat” she said taking a drag from her cigarette and exhaling a plume of white smoke towards the ceiling.

“Anyway you need the practice.”

It turned out that they both worked in a local law firm just around the corner both were pleasant and easy to talk to. My initial fear grew less as the minutes went on, we told them we were up from Ayrshire they joked about county girls, we talked jobs the weather etc etc. About 45 minutes later and a bit to my relief Debbie finally let if be known that she was married and kindly announced that I was engaged to the father of the little girl in the buggy, blushing slightly as she did it I was still relieved as we got up to go, we said our goodbyes and headed out on to the street.

“That was fun” she said.

“For you maybe” I said.

“You need to learn to flirt” she went on,"It's all part of the fun of life.”

“Eh maybe. Look, it’s ok for you, but I’m not exactly what I seem, am I?” I said as we walked along

“What you worrying about? You were a natural and they never suspected a thing,” she said, as we turned towards the car.

“No, I don’t think they did. But you weren’t the one that was getting their leg felt up.” She turned around laughing out loud.

“He didn’t, well the sleazy bugger and you little Miss Prim one day out and your trying to hook guy’s in bars, your worth the watching” we both burst into laughter as we reached the car and got in to begin or journey home.

We arrived back at the farm just as the light was beginning to fade.

“Thanks for today, I don’t know how I would have managed without you” I said.

“No problem I loved it, it’s good to have a girlfriend to go shopping with, it can get a bit lonely out in the sticks.” She said as she pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

“Well don’t get to used to it, this is a short term gig” I said.

“Yeah but it’s going to be fun.”

I opened the door and stepped out as did Debbie she helped me unload the bags and carry them and a now sleeping Melissa up to the door.

“You want to come in” I asked.

“Eh no, I think I’ll let the new Alex introduce herself to George on her own” she said lightly kissing my cheek she handed me a package.

“What’s this” I asked.

“Eh just one of those tone up exercise DVD’s just do the exercises it will tone up those areas that females have it will make you a bit more convincing” she said.

“Eh thanks” I stammered not sure whether to feel offended or to thank her for helping.

“I’ll get the money back to you soon” I said as she stepped down the first stair back towards the car.

“No problem, I’ll drive over tomorrow see how you are getting on, ok” she asked.

”Yeah that would be nice I said as she waved and turned her back to me, reaching the car she got in waved again and then started the engine and drove off.

I opened that door and wheeled Melissa inside the buggy inside I made two trips back out onto the porch to carry in my clothing it still felt a bit strange carrying in all these bags from well know high street stores all renowned for there range of female apparel. Laying them down I spotted George in the lounge watching some TV. I walked towards the lounge with Melissa,

“Hi there were back” I said in my new softer voice, he turned and stopped, silence and then,

“Jesus what a change,”

“You like it” I said a smile creeping over my lips.

“Well I don’t know about like but it certainly works. I would never have recognised you, Debbie has worked wonders”

“Yeah I know, and we owe her some money I’m afraid I overspent a bit”

“Eh that’s ok it’s for a good cause” he said.

“Well I’m going to unpack so can you spend some time with your daughter” I said.

“Yeah no problem” and with that I left them behind and went to take my new world upstairs.

I packed all my male Alex stuff away in the case I had arrived with making a mental note to stash it away in the loft in the morning. The sight of soft lingerie in the drawers now, while in the wardrobe hung various skirts and dresses with shoes and boots of varying styles and heel heights lay below. Finished I closed the door and went downstairs, George was playing with Melissa on the couch as I entered a smile creeping across my face.

“You want a drink” I asked

“No, but you have one” he replied as I walked towards the kitchen.

Grabbing a bottle of wine from the wine rack I returned to the lounge. Kicking of my shoes I poured a glass and sat down pulling my legs up on to the sofa below me.

“You have a good day” he asked.

“Yeah it was kinda strange at first but I got used to it.”

“I bet it was” he said before continuing “Debbie’s really done a good job though” he said

“Thanks” I replied sipping some of the cool wine from the glass and aware of the slight lipstick mark on the rim.

“I better get Melissa ready for bed” I said about to rise.

“Eh its ok I’ll take her up, you finish your wine” he said lifting her and swinging her in the air she giggled “Say good night to Alex” he said as she gurgled as they walked towards the stairs.

I sat and thought about the day, my confidence high it had indeed gone well I had wandered around a major city en femme shopped, been chatted up in pubs and not one second glance I could do this I thought as I poured another glass of wine, what more part of me was enjoying it.
When George returned we sat and chatted about the day , maybe it was just me but I noted a change in him, no swearing as he talked of his day, a bit more attentive to what I said and more polite indeed just as you would expect a gentleman to react in front of a lady, eh hold that thought I said inside to myself a lady well not really but you know what I mean. Maybe this plan was going to work after all, I sure hoped so.

“You know this is really working out for you,” she said.

“How do you mean?” I asked.

“Well your leg shape and thighs are really feminine looking and your arse has really perked up,” she said, reaching over and pinching it.

“Ow! Leave off.”
 

Healing Cousin George
Part 7 - Debbie & Alex
by Karin Roberts

 
The shopping trip had certainly created a firm friendship between me and Debbie. Each day after our trip to Glasgow, I would either visit Debbie or she would come over to me. I suppose it was hardly a surprise, as I was the only young woman (there I go again thinking of myself as a woman) in the area.

George and Gavin were the youngest two farmers around for miles. Most of the others were in their late forties or in their fifties, with wives to match. Their wives spent most of their time arranging Church events,like Bring and Buy sales,coffee morning’s etc. Me and Debbie had gotten ourselves into an altogether different routine. After morning housework, we would meet up and play with Melissa and then once she had nodded off. Out would come an exercise video, you know one of those Celebrity ones to tone and trim the body. Once our session was over, we would either have a light lunch at home or pop out to a local country pub for a spot to eat.

Around a month into our regular workout sessions, Debs arrived one morning as usual a bundle of energy and chatter.

“I’ve got a present for you,” she beamed as she entered the farmhouse, a wrapped package under her arm.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Later, after our workout,” she insisted.

The music started and we began our usual routine both dressed in lycra shorts and a small vest top be worked on our legs our backside and stomach muscles to the beat and instructions from the video. Watching the instructress to keep in time, a vision of two young women bending stretching and toning their bodies.

Forty minutes later two sweating bodies sat on the floor relaxing following the close of our workout. Debs spoke first.

“You know this is really working out for you,” she said.

“How do you mean?” I asked.

“Well your leg shape and thighs are really feminine looking and your arse has really perked up,” she said, reaching over and pinching it.

“Ow! Leave off.”

“No, really it is. And you’ve lost, what now off your waist?”

“Eh, about four inches,” I proudly announced,

“See what I mean?” she said.

“I suppose. I’m going to take a shower. Will you watch Melissa?” I asked, rising to my feet and switching off the TV.

“Yeah, no problem.”

I climbed the stairs and entered the bathroom stripping of I looked at my body in the full length mirror twisting slightly to check it out from all angles. She’s right! I thought to myself, My legs were very toned and the thighs looking sleek and slender but yet toned and muscular. My stomach was now like a washboard and my arse... well she was right. It was perky and tight. Nothing, of course, could give me that womanly hip shape but who cared? After all, how many other women have you seen with no dominant hip shape? I smiled and stepped into the hot steamy shower.

Twenty minutes later I was powdering my skin with scented talc (yes, scented talc). I put on my dressing gown and left the bathroom. I called down to Debbie.

“Deb’s showers free. Is Melissa ok?”

“Yeah she’s asleep. I’ll be up in a minute.”

I walked into my bedroom and sat down on the edge of my bed. Plugging in the hairdryer, I began to blow dry my hair. It had not been that long when I had arrived, but having let it grow out, Debbie had just restyled it into a smart page boy look. With my hair dry, I put on some light day make up. I was just about to get dressed when there was a knock at my door.

“You decent?” Debbie asked she opened the door before I had a chance to reply. She walked in dressed in a pair of black jeans and a white blouse.

“Your present,” she said, handing me a box.

“What is it?”

“Open it and you will see.”

I opened the wrapping and found two boxes. I peeled away the packing tape and looked inside. A look of bewilderment crossed my face and then I began to realise what the object was.

“Is this what I think it is?” I asked.

She smiled.

“Yes,” she replied.

I lifted it out. Before me, was a silicone realistic vagina, complete with a small amount of what seemed like real hair in the correct place.

“Put it on. There’s a tube inside for your thing, and you can go to the loo naturally, just like a real woman. I promise I won’t peek,” she said.

Turning her back, I stood up and stepped into it, placing my cock into the tube. Opening the drawer, I took out a pair of dark pink panties and pulled them up tight. The effect was amazing as I looked down. It gave me the perfect female v that I sometimes struggled to achieve.

“Now open the other one,” she said.

Once more I ripped open the packaging, and as you may have expected by now, found a pair of the other female essentials that I so badly lacked. Yes siree! False boobs, complete with realistic looking nipples that felt and looked so right.

“Where did you get all this stuff?” I asked her.

“Oh, I was surfing the net couple of weeks back and found a site for stuff like this, and just thought of you,” she said.

“So how do I put them on?” I asked.

“The adhesive,” she said pointing to a can in the box. “Here let me help you fit them,” she said walking over towards me. She sprayed a generous amount of adhesive on the back and then held the first one to my chest holding it in place for a couple of minutes before letting go. The feeling was quite surreal here was Debbie holding my false tit in place while I stood in front of her in pink panties.

The other fitted, she showed me how to disguise the seams with some crafty make up and, sure enough, within minutes it was impossible to see the joints.

“Get dressed and I'll meet you downstairs,” she said turning to leave.

“Eh, thanks Debbie!”

“No problem. Fancy a trip to Girvan? It’s a lovely day walk along the front: an ice cream or a coffee?” she said.

“Yeah, cool! I’ll be down in ten - fifteen minutes,” I replied as she left the room and closed the door.

I stood up, immediately aware of the extra weight on my chest and the prominence of my new found femininity. Deep down I was pleased the padding I had used before was good, but at times, if I lifted Melissa or had some weight applied to my chest, the padding got slightly misshaped and I’d found myself having to re-arrange it. Now all that was over. I grabbed a matching bra and encased them in the pink silky material seeing them pushed up and together the round globes peeking out the top. I couldn’t help it. I rubbed them feeling a stirring in my loins, the tube that my cock was in becoming a bit fuller.

“Knock it off!” I said to myself. I pulled out a pair of jeans from the wardrobe and pulled them on with a pink checked western style shirt. I left the top button open exposing a bit of cleavage. Again, I looked in awe. Slipping on a pair of 3 inch pink stilettos and fastening a wide white belt round my increasingly narrow waist, I selected some jewellery and a white shoulder bag. I dropped in some make up, my ciggies and lighter, and then, with a spray of some perfume, I was off downstairs, for a day out with Debbie.

Debbie picked up the two small packages I had bought and walked round the car to join me. As she reached me, Pete walked towards us.

“Here it goes...” I muttered under my breath.

“Hi Alex!” he smiled.

I froze.
 

Healing Cousin George
Part 8 - Alex Unmasked
by Karin Roberts

 
We had pulled into a seafront car park and unpacked Melissa’s buggy. We set off along the shoreline in the bright sunshine; a sea breeze just 'fresh enough to keep you cool' blew in our faces.

“Fancy a bite to eat?” Debbie asked.

“Yeah, why not?”

“There’s a little café over there, with tables outside,” she said, pointing up along the road.

We walked on along and found a table outside sitting down. I parked the buggy, securing the brake as I did so. We sat down and both lit up cigarettes, making sure that Melissa was out of the path of any smoke. A waitress approached us and we both ordered smoked ham and cheese baguettes, along with a cup of black coffee each.
 
 
A few minutes later, she returned with our order. We stubbed out our cigarettes. She spied Melissa and pulled faces in her direction, as adults do in the presence of babies.

“Oh she’s a little sweetheart! Yours?” she gestured towards me.

“Yes. Her name is Melissa.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Debbie stop, just as she was about to eat her baguette.

“Well, she’ll break a few hearts,” the girl commented as she nuzzled Melissa’s cheek with her hand. A smile broke out across Melissa’s face at the human contact.

“Enjoy your meal,” the waitress smiled, as she moved on. I turned and looked at Debbie. She was staring straight at me.

“What?” I said.

“It’s just, when she asked whose baby that was, you said 'yours.'”

“Well... I needed to say something.”

“Yeah, you did!”

“Well... I'm just playing the part.” I said as I took another bite from my lunch. Debbie merely smiled at me and began to eat.
 
 
The rest of our trip was spent largely window shopping, although I bought a couple of cute little tops for Melissa. Soon, it was time to drive home with Melissa sound asleep in her safety seat in the back of the car. We set off for home around four, hoping to get back in time to make dinner for Gavin and George. As we turned into our driveway and approached the house, I could make out the shape of Pete loading some bags onto the back of a small truck.

“Shit!” I said.

“What is it?” Debbie asked.

“Er, well, Pete has only met the other Alex and I’ve no idea what George has told him."

I felt nervous as the car pulled to a stop outside the house.

Getting out, I unloaded Melissa. Debbie picked up the two small packages I had bought and walked round the car to join me. As she reached me, Pete walked towards us.

“Here it goes...” I muttered under my breath.

“Hi Alex!” he smiled.

I froze.

“How’s your brother doing?”

My breath returned.

“Eh, he’s fine,” I stammered.

“George told me he got a job, how’s it panning out?”

“Eh, just fine - early days though” I said.

“Well, tell him I said hello! I need to get back to George. He’s asked me to let you know he will be late for dinner, maybe around seven,” he said,

“Ok."

“See you.” he called as he turned away back towards the truck.

We walked inside.

“I need a drink. You want one?” I asked.

“Not for me. I’m driving.” Debbie replied.
 
 
Leaving Melissa asleep on the couch, I crossed over to the drinks cabinet and poured myself large vodka. Then I dropped in some tonic and a couple of ice cubes. The clear liquid fizzed as I took a drink.

“Are you ok?” Debbie eyed me as she switched on the kettle to make coffee.

“Yeah... I'm fine.” I said, "That was close."

“Not really. He had no idea and George had obviously told him that Alex had gotten a job.”

I took another drink.

“Yeah, I suppose so. But it shows you how dangerous all of this is.” I said, pointed at the clothing I was wearing.

“Look. It’s fine. There’s no problem. No one has read you so far. Christ, even a waitress thought you were the baby’s mother today,” she said as she poured hot water into a mug to make coffee.

“Eh, I suppose,” I said, finishing my drink and putting the glass in the sink I crossed to take Melissa from her buggy.

“Quit worrying and just relax,” Debbie said as I lifted Melissa out.

When George got back that evening, I asked him what he had told Pete about me.

“It’s ok I told him just like he said that Alex had got offered a job over the summer and you had to take it,”

“So what about the both of us having the same name?” I enquired.

“That’s cool! I said you were really Alexandria , but like Alex for short. We had a laugh about it he said it must be confusing at home.”

“Yeah, well he got that one right. I’m confused.” I added.

“Well, you must have made quite as impression, because he couldn’t stop talking about you all afternoon,” I blushed and left the room stepping outside into the night air. I lit a cigarette and puffed on it nervously this was getting complicated but there was no way back now.

Me and Debbie’s daily life continued with our morning fitness sessions and afternoon girly days out or shopping trips. One thing did change however Pete was becoming a daily visitor to the farm. Each day at some point he would appear either to collect something or bring a message to me from George.

“I think you’ve got an admirer” Debbie teased one day as Pete was busy loading some wire fencing into a jeep.

“Quit it, maybe it’s you he likes” I snapped back.

“No definitely you. Anyway, look at him: young, strong... I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crisps” she said, taking a drag from her cigarette before crushing it out.

“I think your forgetting something,” I said with an edge to my tone, “I’m not exactly what I seem, am I?” I said quietly.

“Eh? I suppose not. I forget some times because you’ve come so far, there is not even the slightest hint of the old Alex in you anymore,” she stopped looking at me.

“Oh he’s in here somewhere,” I said, blowing out a cloud of smoke and crushing my cigarette in the ashtray I left the table and went to check on Melissa.

Later that week we had just finished our workout, I was in the shower, and Debbie was fussing about in the kitchen making lunch. Our afternoon out today was postponed, as Debbie had an appointment with her dentist later that day. I dried myself and crossed the hallway to change. I put on a white lacy bra and matching panties, my breast forms now a permanent fixture, always in place I had become accustomed to them being there at all times. I pulled on a pair of flesh coloured tights and slipped my arms into a white cotton blouse leaving the usual two buttons undone showing a bit of my cleavage. For the hanger’s of my increasing girly wardrobe I took a lemon skirt which covered me to just above the knee and pulled it on. Sliding my feet into a pair sandals with cork wedge heels, I freshened up my make up before going down to join Debbie, as I walked down the stairs I could hear the sound of voices, first Debbie and then Pete it seemed my stalker had paid another visit today I wonder what today’s excuse would be a slight smile creeping across my face.

“Oh hi Pete” I said entering the kitchen and smiling in his direction,

“Pete’s here to collect some fence posts for George I asked him to stay for lunch” Debbie smiled at me.

“Maybe he doesn’t have time? George will be waiting.”

“Oh no I think I can spare fifteen minutes or so” he said, “If you don’t mind me joining you?”

Debbie answered “No that’s fine you two sit down I’ll serve up.”

“Eh I’ll just check on Melissa,” I said, moving towards the lounge. I found her fast asleep. I stroked her forehead and walked back to the kitchen as Debbie poured some soup into three bowls. I sat down at the table.

Conversation was a bit awkward over lunch. Pete was clearly nervous probably just as much as me, but we kept the chat flowing somehow as Debbie rose and took our bowls to the sink to wash up.

“Leave them, I’ll wash up later.”

“You sure?” she asked.

“Yeah, it will be fine. Anyway, you made lunch.” I said, as she put the bowls in the sink, before returning to join us.

“So Pete you got a girlfriend” Debbie asked, I could see him visually curl up before us.

“Eh not just now” he replied nervously.

“How about you take Alex out for the night? I mean, she’s stuck down here without any friends.”

I coughed “Eh, what you doing Debbie?”

“Well, you’re stuck in this farm all the time for the last few weeks, you could do with a night out and some fun.”

“Maybe Pete’s busy and anyway I’ve got Melissa to look after,” I said.

“Oh, George could do that for one night. Just a film, maybe a drive around on Pete’s motorbike, you have seen it haven’t you?” she asked.

I blushed “Yeah I’ve seen it,”

“Well then, a chance to see a bit of the countryside, get some fresh air.”

“I get enough fresh air here,” I said.

“Nonsense you need some company other than us, how about it Pete a deal” she looked at him he looked embarrassed.

“Well if Alex wants to” he said.

“She does” Debbie answered for me.

“Next Friday be ok?” Debbie asked.

“Eh yeah fine. I better go now. It’s about seven.”

He looked at me. I was still shell-shocked. I nodded.

“Ok see you then.”
 
 
The last few minutes had just been a daze “What the hell are you playing at?” I said to Debbie after he had gone.

“Relax Alex! It’s just a night out. Nothing serious. It’s not like you need to shag him or anything.” I blushed.

“Just as well for that then,” I said. She laughed.

“Look. It’s just a night out. Nothing serious! It’s just to get you away from here for a couple of hours.”

“I like being here!”

“Yeah, I know you do. But what harm can it do? It will also give George a chance to look after Melissa on his own - a bit of father-daughter time. I mean, it’s not as if he has done much of that recently, has he?” she looked at me.

“Well, it’s a hell of a risk for starters.” I said, “What if he finds out?”

“Look, a ride on the bike, a drink maybe, a meal ,a film or something, then back here.” she said.

I sat stunned, looking across the room .“I suppose, but George will go mad” I said.

“Oh, let him! He’s got Amanda to keep him company. You need some friends as well! Look, I need to run. I’ll call you later, Ok?”

“Ok.” I said, as she picked up her bag and headed for the door. I went outside with her and lit a cigarette as I watched her drive off. George will go mad! I thought as I blew some smoke into the air. Finished, I extinguished the cigarette and went back inside. Melissa was still asleep so back in the kitchen. I set about washing the dishes, my mind was miles away from what I was doing.

I heard a noise.

Someone spoke “Eh excuse me is Alex here?”

I spun around, a bowl dropped from my hands, smashing on the floor in front of me.

“Eh Mum?” I stopped.

“Alex... Alex is that you?

“You know, I would never have recognised you, if you had not said Mum when I came in. Debbie’s done quite a job on you.”

“How do you feel about it?” I timidly asked.

“Well, I can’t say I’m happy about it. But, I can see the reasoning behind it. Your dad would be furious. You know how homophobic he is! You and George are not...?”
 

Healing Cousin George
Part 9 - Explaining To Do
by Karin Roberts

 
“Alex? Alex… is that you?”

The words rang in my ears like church bells as my hand moved towards my face, covering my eyes.

“Eh, Mum! I didn’t expect you.” A pause.

“Obviously not! I think we’ve got some… talking to do.” she stated, as she stared right into my soul.

“I’ll bring Melissa through from the lounge; she’s due for a feed. Make yourself a coffee.” I said as I walked towards the door. I wheeled Melissa back into the room as Mum carried two mugs of coffee and set them on the table.

“Right young man. I believe you have some explaining to do.”

We both sat down. I began.

“You remember the last time you were down here and I said how George missed Grace so much? Well, I somehow got this daft idea that maybe having another female about the house would help.”

I paused looking for a reaction there was none. “A couple of days after you were here, I stupidly got dressed up in Graces things.”

Mom let out an audible sigh.

“While I was dressed, we had a visitor. You know, Amanda, the woman George has been seeing.” I stopped.

“Go on.” she said.

“Well, she caught me here all dressed. So, you can imagine what she would have done if she thought I was a guy dressing up in women’s clothes and looking after a child.”

“Surely there was another way?”

“Can you think of a good explanation? Anyway, I tricked her. She never read me and everything was ok. When George came home, he went ballistic. So we talked about it and we agreed that maybe it was better that I stayed this way.”

“You should have called me! Maybe I could have helped. Are you still prancing around in Grace’s clothes?”

“Eh no. George gave me some money to buy some stuff and Debbie has been helping me as well.” I paused.

“Debbie knows as well? Oh that’s just great!”

“No, it’s ok Mum. She hates Amanda and she’s having fun deceiving her. Deb’s fine with it, in fact, she’s been a great help.”

“This is going to take some… getting used to. You better feed Melissa” she finished as she got up from the table.

“I’m going outside for a cigarette and a think” she said as she left the room.

I busied myself in the kitchen making something for Melissa. Through the window, I could see Mum pacing up and down the porch with her coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I started feeding Melissa and just resigned myself to await her return. A few minutes later, she came back in.

“You know, I would never have recognised you, if you had not said Mum when I came in. Debbie’s done quite a job on you.”

“How do you feel about it?” I timidly asked.

“Well, I can’t say I’m happy about it. But, I can see the reasoning behind it. Your dad would be furious. You know how homophobic he is! You and George are not...?”

“Not what?” I asked.

“You know.”

“Know what?”

“There’s nothing going on between you two... is there?”

I blushed.

“NO! There’s not!” I said sharply. Now didn’t seem the time to tell her Debbie had just engineered a date for me.

“So what brought you down here anyway?” I asked.

“You got a letter from the school.” she said, grabbing her bag and taking an envelope out. She handed it to me.

I opened it.

“It’s just confirmation of my job, and an invite to an open day a couple of weeks before term starts.” I said, returning the letter to the envelope.

“So you’re still taking the job then?”

“Yeah. why wouldn’t I?” I replied. Although there was something not so convincing in the tone of my voice when I said that.

“How long do you plan to keep this up?”

“As long as I need to. Until George is better” I said.

“And has it worked? You know, you being a girl?” she asked.

“Yeah it has a bit. The drinking during the week has stopped. He still goes out with that bitch Amanda on the weekend and she leads him astray.”

“You don’t like her?”

“Not one bit. She’s not interested in Melissa; she just wants George and the farm his money.”

“Well, you’ll need to try and make sure that doesn’t happen.” she said.

“He’s a grown man. He can make up his own mind.”

“Well, you’ll just need to make him see the error of his ways.”

“Your ok with this?” I asked again, gesturing towards my clothes.

“Well it’s a tad unusual, but it it’s working. So long as you don’t get caught, then I suppose its ok for a little while. I’ll keep your dad away from coming down.”

“Thanks mum.” I said.

“I better be getting back. Now, if there are any problems, ring me and let me know.”

She kissed me on the forehead and picked up her bag. “I’ll come back down in a couple of weeks and we can go out together. Bring Debbie as well.”

“Ok, and thanks again mum!” I smiled as she walked towards the door.

As she reached it she turned and said “Oh, and by the way, you do look quite cute.”

I blushed again as she left.

The car had barely started and I was on the phone to Debbie telling her what happened. She could barely speak through all her laughter.

“You must have nearly had a heart attack!”

“You could say that. I said even more nerve racking than the shopping trip though. Oh, and buy the way, she wants us all to go out together one day.”

“I’ll look forward to it! That will be interesting.” she said.

“I don’t know what George will think though.”

“Well it’s done now, so he’ll just have to deal with it.”

“I suppose so.” I said. “You coming round tomorrow?”

“Yeah thought I would. We can go shopping get you something for your date.” she replied.

“Oh Christ! I’d almost forgotten about that! I owe you one for that! What in the world were you thinking about saying that?”

She laughed again.

“You’ll be fine! And as I said, it’s not as if you need to sleep with him.”

“Oh, well that’s ok then, because I won’t be!”

“And I should think not, on a first date.” she said.

“Quit it!”

“Look, I need to go. That’s Gavin getting back. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, around eleven?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Bye.” she said

“Bye.” I replied.

Checking up on Melissa, I saw that she was fine. I need a cigarette real bad! I thought to myself. So, picking up the pack, I went outside. As I lit up, I thought, “Well now, I need to break! Today’s two events to George: Mum might be the easy part, but my date with Pete could be a totally different matter!”

“I never felt so much pain in my life!! When she waxed my eyebrows, I nearly leapt out my seat! And how I’ll ever be able to pick something up with these talons? It's beyond me!”

 

Healing Cousin George
Part 10 - The Date
by Karin Roberts

 
Later that night, with Melissa safely tucked up in bed, George and I sat with a Coke each in the conservatory. My plan to curb his midweek drinking had been a great success since there were no more night’s out during the week - only a civilized glass of wine after dinner. I picked up my cigarettes and slipped one out of the packet, the slim gold lighter was inside the packet as well. I pressed the button and a slim narrow flame appeared. I lit up, blowing a cloud of smoke towards the ceiling.

“We had a visitor today,” I announced

“Yeah I know. Pete was here again. I’ll have a word with him,” he responded before I had a chance to go on,

“No, Pete was here. But that’s not who I meant.”

“Who then?” he asked draining the last of his Coke.

“My Mum.”

A look of shock appeared on his face.

“I was washing up after Debbie left, then I turned and there she was, standing in the doorway.”

There was a short silence,

“Oh fuck! That’s all we need.” he said.

“No, it’s ok! I told her all about Amanda and my stupid mistake. She’s not happy about it, but at least she understands why I’m doing it.”

“Do you think she will say anything?”

“Well not to my dad anyway, he’s homophobic! I think we can trust her to keep it a secret.”

“Well let’s hope so. The less people that know about this, the better! And there’s already too many.”

“Why? Are you embarrassed by me?” I teased,

“No. It’s not that, but we can’t afford to let certain people know about it. I would be taking too much of a risk.”

I leaned over and poured the last small amount of Coke into my glass

“I’m going off to bed. It was a tough day,” George announced.

“Yeah for me too. I’ll be right behind you,” I said, taking a final draw from my cigarette and crushing it out.

“See you tomorrow,” I said, as he left the room. One down, one to go, I thought. The day’s other event would need to wait, and at least Pete had not let the cat out of the bag by telling George about my date. I picked up both glasses and walked over to the sink, rinsing them out. I switched out the lights, and headed upstairs. I checked in on Melissa, watching her sleep for a few minutes, before deciding that it was time for me to join her in the land of sweet dreams.

On Saturday, me and Debbie hit the shops once more, with Melissa in tow. We wandered around, mostly window shopping. As usual, I spent most of the time checking out outfits for Melissa, buying two or three items before we stopped for lunch. Over lunch, Debbie came up with an idea for an outfit for Friday,

“So what is it then?” I asked,

“Just wait. I know just the place to go. It will be perfect for Friday.” Our lunch finished, we headed straight to the Italian Centre of Glasgow. I knew it well, as I had often shopped there as Alex. Well, you know what I mean.

“I think I might have an idea where you’re going with this,” I said as we approached a quality leather goods shop,

“Well, Pete has a motorbike. So you might as well do the biker chick look,” Debbie flashed a wicked smile as we entered the shop.

Half an hour later, complete with my purchase, we were heading back to the car.

“Hey! I’ve an idea. How about we stop at a Salon get our nails done, etc?”

“You can do all that yourself. Why bother?”

“Indulge me,” she said, as her eye’s scanned the street, “Look, over there, a Sytle-Setter’s. Let’s go.”

Debbie was off, crossing the paved precinct, me pushing Melissa behind her, as we headed for the Salon. By the time I got inside, Debbie was already talking to one of the assistants.

“Great to see you! What a coincidence! I never knew you worked here. This is Alex, a friend.” she said, gesturing to me, before going on.

“Alex, this is Gillian. We trained together at college. I’ve not seen her in years,” she said before hugging her

“Pleased to meet you,” I said, extending my hand to her, once she had freed herself from Debbie.

“What can I do for you ladies today” she asked, Debbie butted in

“Just a facial scrub for me and nail extensions, eyebrow wax and nail extensions for Alex,”

“What type of extensions do you want? French tips, sculptured…?”

“Eh square tipped long for both of us” Debbie said,

“Ok. Then let’s get you two ladies seated.” An hour later, we were both exiting the Salon.

“So how was that for you?” she asked.

“I could kill you!” I hissed in a hushed tone.

“Why?”

“I never felt so much pain in my life!! When she waxed my eyebrows, I nearly leapt out my seat! And how I’ll ever be able to pick something up with these talons? Its beyond me!” I gestured to the inch and a half long nails that protruded from the tips of my fingers. Debbie began to laugh as we headed down the street.

“Let’s go home, it’s getting late.”

As we drove home Debbie spoke, “Alex… can I ask you something?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“How long do you see yourself staying as Alex?”

“Well, I think I’ll be Alex forever!” I laughed.

“Quit the sarcasm. You know what I mean.”

I stopped laughing and continued, “Well it’s early June, my job starts early August, so I suppose I’ve got about six, maybe seven weeks left.”

“What about George though? What if he’s not right?”

“He’s getting better every day, spending more time with Melissa. The booze, except for the weekends, is largely a thing of the past.”

“Yeah, but what if that’s all down to you? What if he goes back to his old ways when you leave? And what about Amanda? You know she’s no good for him and how she feels about Melissa? Could you have that on your conscience?” she asked.

I paused and thought about what she had said for a minute.

“I don’t know. He’s grown up. He has to make his own choices. I love Melissa to bits, but I’ve got my life too. Why are you bringing all this up now?”

“Oh I think I’d miss you” she said before adding “You could have a life here, you know.”

She looked over at me briefly. Silence descended for the remainder of the journey.

Dinner was ready as I heard George drive up and the engine stop. The door opened and he stepped inside.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he exclaimed upon seeing me.

Oops! The cat was out the bag, I thought.

“Do you not think we have enough problems without you going on dates with my farm hand?”

“Eh sit down I can explain,” I said.

“I don’t want to sit down! And how you’re going to explain this one is beyond me.”

I sat down. “It’s like this, I kinda got the idea that Amanda was jealous of me being here alone with you. I thought if you had a night at home alone with her, just you and Melissa, it would be good for you.” I knew deep inside that Amanda would probably hate the idea of playing mummy to Melissa but I was not about to admit it.

“So how does your date help?”

“Well, if I’m out with Pete, she will think that I’ve got myself a man and won’t be after you.”

George retorted, “She doesn’t think that. Anyway, what makes you an expert on women’s minds?”

“Well I suppose dressing like one for the last 3 or 4 weeks has helped some. It’s not as if anything is going to come of the date. I’ll let Pete down gently. Debbie was really the instigator of it. She set me up a bit. It took me a bit by surprise. I had said yes before I had really thought about it though. I promise one night, and that’s all.” There was silence,

“I still think this is a bad idea. But ok. One night and be careful!” George finished and went upstairs to see Melissa. I sighed. Minutes later, I rose to serve the dinner.

The rest of the week went quickly onto Friday. Debbie had arrived and loaned me the last piece of my outfit for the night. George and Amanda were due to have a carry-out meal delivered, so after I had made a snack for Melissa, I took her upstairs and began to get ready. After a hot bubble bath filled with scents, I set about dressing. By about ten to seven I was ready. I worried about myself. I had spent so much time on my makeup, it was like I was going on a real date and I was a fully fledged female.

I told myself that it was because I wanted to be ultra convincing, and not that I wanted to make myself sexy and attractive for a man. But that I was somehow doing it for Melissa and George, and not for Pete. Anyway, when I looked in the mirror, I realized I had failed miserably, because I looked as sexy as hell. The tight leather trousers with the white cotton top that gave away the hint of a nipple and the leather bomber jacket that Debbie had loaned me with a yellow chiffon scarf tied loosely round my neck accented the four inch heeled leather shiny ankle boots that peeked out from below my trousers. With earrings and a couple of bracelets, it completed the image of hot. Just maybe, I was about to give out the wrong signal.

I sprayed on some perfume and left my room. The heels of my boots clicked on the wooden stairs as I went down to the kitchen. I could hear George on the telephone ordering their meal. I went on through into the conservatory and lit a cigarette. My nerves were just beginning to play a part. I took off my jacket and sat down. As I leafed through the daily paper, my nerves were building up as each minute ticked by on the clock. A rap at the door, and I leapt up.

“I’ll get it” I called.

I rushed to open the door. On the doorstep, I found a guy delivering George and Amanda’s meal.

“George! It’s your meal!”

I walked back to the conservatory, conscious of the young guy eyeing me up as I left the door.

Five minutes later, another knock at the door. This time, no blind panic. What was it with me? The excitement of tonight? Or maybe it was fear?

“Alex, its Pete for you!”

I picked up my jacket and walked back to the kitchen,

“You not going out like… that are you?” George eyed me incredulously.

“Why not?”

“Well… don’t you think it’s… a bit…”

“A bit what?”

I could see him clearly looking at the tightness of the leather trousers and the nipples, which were apparent through the tee-shirt. I slipped on the jacket.

“Well, we are going on a bike. Trousers are much more suitable than a skirt. Don’t you think?” I asked

“I suppose so. Remember! One night! It’s only one night… and be careful”

“Ok”

I stepped outside, the sound of my high heels echoing in the still farm air as I walked down the stone steps.

“You look great” Pete appreciatively smiled as I approached.

“Thanks. Where are we going?“

“Thought we might catch a film, and then grab a drink,” he replied.

“Fine by me.”

He handed me a crash helmet and I pulled it over my head. Climbing onto the seat behind him, he fired up the bike. I slipped my arms around his waist and off we went into the night.

The journey to the cinema felt a bit surreal. Here I was, on the back of a motorbike, my arms encircling the waist of a guy. I mean, come on, a few weeks ago who would have thought I would be doing this and strangely enough, somehow liking the experience? We rode through the heavily lit streets and pulled into the large Multiplex car park. After we both dismounted the bike, Pete took the helmets locked up the bike and then surprisingly (well maybe not) took my hand again. I was a willing participant.

“Did I tell you, you look great?” he smiled.

“You did. And you look smart as well.”

We approached the entrance to the cinema.

Pete stopped and, turning to me, offered, “Your choice of film then.”

I looked up at the board displaying what was on show.

“Eh, how about, The Woman’s Club?” I asked pointing at the board.

“Might have guessed, some chick flick.” he teased

“It is not!” I playfully punched his arm. “But if you don’t want to…”

“No. It’s ok.” he said, letting go of my hand as he fished some money out of his pocket and paid for two tickets. Armed with our tickets, we entered the darkened cinema.

The film was pretty mediocre, although surprisingly, I liked bits of it. A few weeks ago, I would probably have never given it the time of day, but the new Alex was learning to appreciate different things. About fifteen minutes in, Pete’s arm found its way round the back of my seat. And then on around my shoulders. I didn’t adopt the usual tactic of snuggling into his side but just sat there. Initially, I found it strange, but the longer it was there, the more comfortable I was with it. Eventually, the film finished and we got up. Pete, taking my hand, walked with me out into the night once more.

“There’s a bar up there.” he said, pointing beyond a large Supermarket. “We can grab a drink in there.”

“Ok.”

As we reached the door, I stopped. “Is it ok if I have a cigarette before we go in?”

“Sure,” he replied.

I reached into my pocket and took them out, lighting one up.

Pete inquired, “Did you enjoy the film?”

“Wasn’t bad. I like Julia Roberts, but it’s not one of her best.”

“You know, you’ve caused quite a bit of a stir.” he said.

I blew a cloud of smoke towards my feet and then looked up “Why is that?”

“Well, a couple days after your brother went home, Amanda turned up while we were working. She and George had a furious row.”

“About what?” I asked taking another drag from the cigarette

“About you, of course! I think she’s jealous of you living with George. Who wouldn’t be? I mean an attractive young woman like you, against a fading old hag like her.”

I started to cough and laugh at the same time. I couldn’t help it with the image Pete described.

“I take it you don’t like her then?” I asked.

I dropped the cigarette, crushing it out with my foot.

“No, not at all. She’s always banging on about her time at public school. She’s a real snob and looks down on me.”

“I’ll let you onto a secret: neither do I. Now, let’s go get that drink.”

I offered him my hand as we walked inside.

The bar was busy with young people for a night out. They were either here for just a quiet drink or the start of a night of clubbing. We found a booth, already occupied by a couple of girls, and with their permission, took the two vacant seats. The chatter began to flow between all four of us. They were off to a local nightclub, both high in excitement about the night ahead. Pete asked if I would like to go to the club, but I politely declined his offer. Two or three drinks later we made our excuses and got up to leave, hand in hand. We walked out of the bar and back to Pete’s bike. Helmets on us, we rode off into the night again, heading back home. As the light began to fade, Pete pulled off the dual carriageway and into a lay-by high above the countryside,

“Sorry Alex, I need to take a leak.” he hurriedly said as he rushed off. I got down and took off my helmet, lighting another cigarette while waiting on him coming back from the toilet. I looked across the expansive of fields and trees. The night light and red sky painted a lovely country canvas.

The gravel crunched as Pete approached, “Im ok now. Finish your cigarette.” he said as he stood beside me.

“It’s been a good night. I’ve enjoyed myself.” I said.

“But not enough to make it a regular thing.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Oh just instinct. I just get the feeling that were not destined to be together or take this any further,” he said looking at the ground.

I hesitated taking a final draw of my cigarette I tossed it on the ground and crushed it out with the sole of my boot.

“Pete it’s not that I don’t like you, I do. But…” I hesitated, “…It’s just there’s someone else.”

“At home?”

“Yeah… maybe.”

I continued, “You’re a nice guy Pete, and you need someone who can commit to you.”

“I’m not looking for marriage.”

“I know that, but I might not be here for that long. That’s what I mean” I said looking at him.

“I suppose. It’s ok, really. I had fun as well tonight” He hopefully looked into my eyes.

“Maybe we could go out as friends?” I suggested.

“Yeah maybe…”

He pulled on his helmet, I followed, and we set off again, on route back to the farm.

We pulled up outside the house.

“Thanks again for tonight Pete.”

“No. Thank you, Alex. You’re a lovely girl” he said, as he took my helmet and secured it to the back of the bike. He held his own helmet in his hand.

I saw that the light’s in the house were still on. I figure that Amanda was probably still spying out the window at us, I thought.

“Look, I meant it about maybe going out as friends again. I did have a good time.” I said

“So did I” said Pete. I moved forward slightly and leaned towards him, bending as I did. I kissed him on the lips.

“Thanks again. And I’m sorry about back, there at the lay-by”

“It’s ok… I understand.” he said pulling his helmet back on “I’d better be going.”

“Ok and Pete, drive safely,” I said, as he kicked the bike into life and began to move away. I waved to him as he sped down the driveway.

I walked up the couple of steps to the house and opened the door and walked in. George was by the sink, washing some glasses as I closed the door.

“Amanda still here?” I asked.

I could tell that he was a little drunk as he turned to face me “Oh… you’re back.”

“Yeah and don’t worry. I’ve put Pete right.”

“I should think so too” he said in a slurred tone.

“So where is she?”

“In there, asleep.”

“What do you think you’re doing George? You’ve got a three year old upstairs asleep and you two are pissed?” I said with an edge.

“Nufhink to do with you”

“Ok fine, enjoy the rest of you night. I’m going to bed” I said, taking off my jacket and making for the stairs.

“Mheby you should go home” he said after me

“Yeah maybe I should” I said as I started to mount the stairs and left him behind.

Upstairs, I crept into Melissa’s room. It was dark and quiet. The little nightlight illuminating her bed. I walked over and looked down at her sleeping “Sorry darling, did you miss me?” I said in a hushed voice “I promise, I won’t do it often.”

I bent down and lightly kissed her forehead, adjusting the covers a bit as I did. “Sleep well” I said, as I headed for the door.

Back in my own room, I sat on the bed and thought about tonight. I had enjoyed myself and had loved being out as Alex. Although my future with Pete was not to be, I had learned two things tonight which had stuck in my brain: One, Amanda was jealous of me. Two, I liked being in the company of men as Alex.

"...I entered the kitchen just in time to see Melissa make a bid for freedom! She had climbed out of her high chair and was balancing precariously on the table. I rushed across the kitchen..."
 

Healing Cousin George
Part 11 - A Night of Surprises
by Karin Roberts

 
I was in a foul mood the next morning when I awoke. George’s reaction, when I had come home last night, had soured the experience of my first night out as Alex. I arose and took a quick shower. Soon, I was drying my hair and dressing in a pair of black jeans and a lemon blouse. The blouse was short and tied it across my midriff. Our exercise sessions had really been working as I now had a perfectly toned stomach. Looking down, I made a mental note to maybe get my belly button pierced with a jewel. That would be lovely! I thought.

Shaking myself back into reality, I thought about last night. George had said that maybe it was time for me to go back home. So why was I thinking of increasing my femininity when I could easily be back in my family home soon? I put on some light make up and left my room to collect Melissa. Picking her up, I teased her, her giggles and grabbing at my fingers a delight as I walked downstairs with her. I set her inside her high chair and was soon making us both breakfast.

Ten minutes later, while I was feeding Melissa and munching on a couple of slices of dry toast, being washed down with some pineapple juice, I heard footsteps on the stairs. Gradually, Amanda came into view. Shit! That bitch stayed here last night! I muttered under my breath.

“Morning Alex,” she tried putting up a smile. “Any coffee ready?”

“No. I’m not really one for coffee in the morning, but the kettles over there.”

I pointed towards the worktop as I spooned the last of Melissa’s breakfast into her mouth. Watching her giggle in glee, I wiped her chin with a tissue and then placed the dishes in the sink and began washing them.

“So how was your date with Pete last night?” she pried, while waiting for the water to boil.

“Eh fine. We went to see The Woman’s Club and then had a couple of drinks.”

“Oh! I’ve heard that’s quite good. I’ll need to get George to take me there.” she sneered, as I sat back down and the table to finish my breakfast. I decided to bite my tongue and not say my piece of mind to her considering George’s current state of mind.

“How was your meal last night?” I offered.

“Oh really nice! We had a great time after as well, if you know what I mean!” she smiled in the fashion of a predator. She then spooned some coffee into her mug and poured in the hot water, stirring it. She then sat down opposite of me and Melissa at the table.

We sat silently as she stirred her coffee. She took a sip before stirring nervously again.

“Alex, can I ask you something?” she blurted.

“Sure.”

“You don’t like me, do you?”

Well, to the point! I thought “Not really. But then, I don’t know you that well.”

“No you don’t. I suppose others have clouded your judgment of me” she stated.

“Others?” I asked.

“Yeah. You’re friendly with Debbie Carter, are you not?” she eyed me.

“Well, we have gone out together now and again, but Debbie’s not really mentioned you.” I lied.

A frown began to appear on her face as I went on. “George is old enough to make up his own mind about who he dates. I know that you are keen on George, but I’m not sure if you are right for Melissa.” I stated matter-of-fact.

“In what way?” she wondered.

“I don’t know. I just don’t see you as the motherly type.”

“Well maybe I’m not. But then that’s George’s choice, is it not?” she lashed with a touch of anger.

“Yes it is.” I replied as the phone rang. I got up and picked up the cordless phone, switching it to answer.

“Oh hi Debbie!” I smiled. I could see a forced smile appear on Amanda’s face as I started to head for the door.

“Eh, just a minute.” I put my hand over the mouthpiece. “Can you watch Melissa for a couple of minutes?”

Amanda nodded and I picked up my discarded cigarettes and lighter and went outside.

With the phone balanced between my shoulder and ear, I pulled a cigarette from the packet and lit it.

“You still there?” I asked. I exhaled some smoke and walked across the porch.

“Course I am! You think I’d have hung up without finding out about last night? Well? What happened?” I heard her giggle on the line as I paused.

“Nothing really. We went to see a film, had a few drinks, and then came back home.”

There was silence.

“That’s it?”

“Well… what did you expect? Rampant sex? That was hardly likely, though I did kiss him goodnight.” There was a chuckle from the other side. “George was smashed when I got back. In fact, the wicked witch of the west is still here,” I grinned, glancing back towards the window.

“He suggested that it might be time that I went home. He was really in a bad mood when I got back,” I stopped.

“That ungrateful bastard! After all you have done for him…” Debbie angrily spat.

“I know! I don’t know what’s going to happen now. We need to have a chat tonight. Look, I’d better go see what she’s up to. I left Melissa with her.”

“Ok, speak to you later.” Debbie sympathized. I touched the end button and dropped the cigarette, crushing it out. I hurried back inside the house.

I entered the kitchen just in time to see Melissa make a bid for freedom! She had climbed out of her high chair and was balancing precariously on the table. I rushed across the kitchen, grabbing her just as she slipped!

“Where the Fu**ing hell is that bitch!” I cursed to myself, seeing her coffee cup left discarded on the table. Amanda came down the stairs.

“Goddamn! Where the hell were you? Melissa nearly fell out of her chair!” I shouted angrily.

“Oh, sorry. My mobile went off. I forgot I need to see a case in half an hour,” she non-chalantly chimed, grabbing her bag as she began to leave.

“She could have fallen and hit her head! Don’t even care she could have been hurt or even died?” I was incredulously exasperated.

“She didn’t though, did she? And anyway, you’re the babysitter, not me.” she snobbishly rebuffed my concern as she left.

“BITCH!” I screamed as the door closed behind her.
 
 
Early that evening, George came home. I knew he would probably be going back out with Amanda, as he did most Saturday’s, but I wanted to clear the air. As we sat eating I picked my moment.

“George, about last night…”

He stopped eating, putting down his fork. “Yeah?”

“Well… you seemed to want me to leave.” I softly spoke as I looked across the table at him, trying to catch his eye. He kept his head down.

“Look! You took a real chance last night as Alex. One false move and we are all stuffed! What would the village have thought? What would Pete have thought? And more importantly, What would Amanda have thought?”

I put forth my best effort to convince George. “I know… it was really silly. But it worked out ok. And it won’t happen again. Pete understands and he’s cool with it. I told him there’s someone else at home, so he’s fine. He won’t be bothering me again.” I bit my lower lip waiting for him to respond.

“I was a bit wound up last night, and a bit drunk, when you came back. I’m terribly sorry for what I had said. You’ve been great with Melissa and I don’t know if I would have coped without you. So, let’s just forget about last night and start again,” He admitted as he raised his head to face me.

“Ok”

After a moment, we both returned to our meal.
 
 
Thing’s pretty much got back to normal after our chat and the next couple of weeks went by fine. Me and Debbie were back in our usual routine of morning fitness sessions, followed by afternoons out either shopping or taking Melissa somewhere. She was becoming more and more of a handful with boundless energy. By evening, I was washed out on most days and spent the night curled up on the sofa, with the occasional glass of wine, watching TV with George. Our conversation got back to normal as well, and we had numerous chats at night, as well as the usual ‘how was your day?’ that couples usually do.

One Friday, as Debbie was getting ready to go home, she asked if I might fancy a night out, just me and her, at the local pub.

“Eh, I don’t know. Look at the trouble my last night out caused… and anyway, George goes out with Amanda on the weekend, so who would look after Melissa?”

“Gavin would. You can stay overnight with us and we can go out Saturday. On Sunday, we can go to an amusement park with Melissa. That would give George and Amanda some space to themselves” she finished. It was obvious she had this all planned out.

“Anyone would think you like her now.” I barbed.

“Don’t push it! We both know she’s trouble, but she’s the one in possession of the ball or balls, so to speak…” she wickedly grinned.

“I’m not so sure. Let me think about it. I’ll ask George tonight.”

“Ok. Ring me and let me know.”

After dinner, I waited for Melissa to settle down for the night before tackling the issue of Debbie’s request.

“George,” I approached him, my hands held together before me,” I was talking with Debbie today and she’s been a bit bored.” I stopped.

“And”

I fidgeted. “Well… she was asking if both her and me could go out for the night? Down to the pub? One night?”

I looked his face over for a reaction. There was none.

“I’m not sure. You know what happened the last time Debbie encouraged you? And what about Melissa?” he interrogated me.

“Well, Debbie said Gavin would look after her while we were both at the pub and that I could stay overnight as well to give you and Amanda a night to yourselves.” I replied. The thought of that made me a seethe. but at least if Melissa was with me, she would be ok.

George sighed. “Ok. But please don’t get involved with Pete again. If he’s in the pub go elsewhere. And try to get Debbie to stop setting you up with any of the other local’s as well.”

“Thanks!” I burst with joy and kissed George’s cheek. “I’ll just phone Debbie and tell her.”

I picked up the phone and walked outside, lighting a ciggie as I went. I stopped in mid dial. Did I just do that? Kissed George on the cheek? The action was just beginning to register in my brain. It was something that had come very naturally too. Jesus! I thought. I’m really undergoing some personality change!

I dialed Debbie’s. A couple of ring’s later, Gavin answered.

“Gavin? It’s Alex. Can I speak to Debbie please?”

“Sure, no problem. How are you?”

“Eh fine. You?”

“Oh working hard to keep Debbie in clothes…” he laughed.

“Here she is now.”

“Hi babes!” Debbie cheerfully greeted me.

“We’re on! George agreed to it that it would be ok.”

“Great! Next Saturday suit you then?”

“Fine by me.”

“Ok. We can speak again during the week. We just need to get you a new outfit. It’ll also be an excuse for me to get one too. We’ll go shopping one day this week, ok?”

“Fine by me,” I smiled. It was slowly beginning to dawn on me that being Alex was getting to be expensive!

“Goodnight babes! See you Monday.”

“See you.”

We both hung up.
 
 
The week went along as usual; we went shopping on Wednesday to get outfits for our girly night out on Friday. I couldn’t believe the outfit that Debbie chose! Hers was likely to blow the minds of the regulars at a local country pub rather than keeping with a capital city nightclubl. Friday arrived, and after a light lunch, I packed some clothes for Melissa and myself before climbing into Debbie’s jeep and heading for her house.

“I’m really excited about tonight,” she bubbled in her normal fashion.

“Yeah so am I. Just remember: no trying to set me up… or I’ll be grounded for life.” I grinned.

“Yes Miss!” she chirped as we turned into her driveway.

I had only ever been to Debbie’s house twice before, nearly all of our daily rendezvous having been at my place, which was natural enough, as I didn’t drive. Debbie had teased me about this, saying that it would be useful to learn, once Melissa was at school. I, of course, reminded her that my term as Alex was only until later next month, when I was due to go home.

We had a light dinner; I fed Melissa while Debbie got a meal ready for Gavin for when he got back. Gavin arrived just as we were starting to get ready. Debbie greeted him with a deep open mouth kiss on the lips as he came in.

“Good day?”

“Yeah, very good.” Debbie got in another kiss, playfully nipping his tongue, ”Got all we wanted to do done and some more. So should be a light day tomorrow. Oh, Hi Alex.” he smiled as finally disentangled himself from Debbie.

“Dinner’s in the oven. Wer’e going to get ready, Melissa has been fed and is fast asleep. We tired her out today, so she shouldn’t be much bother. Just check on her every now and again” Debbie said as we climbed the stairs to get ready.

Deep in the sanctity of Debbie and Gavin’s bedroom, I began to feel a bit uncomfortable. Here I was, a male masquerading as Alex, while my friend Debbie pranced around in black shiny panties and a matching push up bra. Not that Debbie needed any help in that area, as she had a good, no, excellent pair of boobs. Deep down, my inner masculine self began to take effect and I could feel a stirring in my groin as I tried not to watch her.

“Eh, I’m just going to the loo for a minute.” I squeaked and hurriedly left the room. I sat on the toilet inside, slowly peeled the false vagina off and did a pee. Then, I did something I had not done for two or three years: I pictured Debbie’s impressive chest and jacked off. I figured that once satisfied, I could now stand the sight of Debbie prancing around almost naked and not be distressed. With the toilet tissue washed away, I reattached the false vagina and returned to the bedroom.

Around forty minutes later, we were both dressed, sitting and smoking a cigarette before we went downstairs. I was wearing a turquoise cotton top with a round neck not low enough to show off any cleavage. The top, however, had a split from the shoulder to the elbow and then another from just below the elbow to the wrist. I’m sure you’ve seen the type. I also had on a tight white skirt on which came to about two inches above my knees. Tan tights and white 4 inch stilettos with a silver metal heel completed my look.

Debbie, on the other hand, looked ravishing. She had skin-tight denims on, which looked as if they had been painted on her. Her top was the most revealing thing I had seen in a while; it was black with a cut out diamonds down the side, revealing bare flesh. The front of the top was very low cut, just covering her nipples, but ensuring that the rest spilled out above. On her feet, Debbie had a pair of black boots. Her jeans were tucked inside the boots with what must have been five inch stiletto heels. Our makeup was immaculate and we had both overplayed the perfume a bit, leaving the room reeking of Debbie’s latest scent.

A car horn sounded outside “That’s our chariot M’lady” Debbie cheered. She crushed out her cigarette and I followed. We picked up our evening bags and left the room. Downstairs Debbie called to Gavin, “See you later baby!”

“Ok girls! Have a good night. Be good.”

It was just before nine by the time we arrived at the pub. It was the first time I had ever been inside it. It was just what I expected, wooden timber frames with agricultural items hanging from them, pictures of old farms covered the walls, farmers with horse drawn plough’s, pictures of people seeding by hand, pictures of old stone farmhouses with chimneys billowing smoke while chickens ran around free in front of the house. The modern was there as well, with a jukebox in the corner. A large screen TV for showing sporting events dominated t he room and a pool table through the side was close to the toilets. We found a free table and ordered our drinks. To be honest, at that time, most of the tables were free.

“Is it always this quiet?” I whispered.

“It will busy up a bit in a half an hour or so,” Debbie replied before she sucked up some of her drink through a straw. Debbie was right! Within half an hour of us arriving, the pub had filled up to near capacity. The two vacant seats next to us had been taken by a couple from the village I would have guessed to have been in their early fifties. They made pleasant company as we sat and chatted about everything from the weather to the latest TV shows. All in all, we were having a pleasant, quiet evening.

Just after 10pm, George and Amanda arrived. Predictably, she had dragged him off to see the film that I had gone to see with Pete a couple of weeks ago. Debbie nudged me in the ribs with her eyes gesturing towards the door. I turned and looked. Both seemed a little the worse for wear already, as Amanda gripped on to George’s arm as they approached the bar. I tried to ignore it and we went on chatting as if nothing had happened. But I still needed to glance over now and again.

Initially I didn’t think they had spotted us, but Amanda caught my eye.

“George, there’s Alex! Let’s go and join her,” she spoke loud enough, that most of the bar could hear her. They walked over to our table. Our guests, being the courteous and nice people they were, got up and gave them their seats. I really wish they hadn’t.

Amanda and George sat down; the usual pleasantries were exchanged. We asked if they had enjoyed the film. I just wanted to get out of there and away from HER.

“Debbie, I’m going for a cigarette, you coming?” I asked picking up my bag. I stood.

“I’ll catch up with you. I need to go to the loo.”

We both left the table at the same time. I stepped outside the pub, my heels clicking loudly. In the still summer night, there was only one other smoker outside the pub, an elderly gentleman who said “Hello,” and continued his smoke. I flicked open the catch of my bag, and took out the pack of cigarettes. Taking one out, I lit it. Inhaling deeply, I wrapped my arms just below my chest, cradling my arm holding the cigarette. I held my hand down to avoid smoke going in my eyes.

The door opened and out stumbled Amanda.

“Shit!” I angrily thought as I looked down and blew a cloud of smoke at my feet.

“Oh there you are!” she muttered, fumbling with a fresh pack of cigarettes to get the foil wrapper off. She eventually managed it, and began to search through her bag for her lighter. Being the more sober, I opened my bag and took out my lighter and offered her a light. The flame sparked to life as she edged forward and put the tip of her cigarette to the flame.

“I just though you should be the first to know…” she announced. “Me and George got engaged tonight.” She flashed her hand in my direction. My stomach sank to my ankles as I took her hand and stared at the ring on her finger. There was silence before I spoke.

“Eh… congratulations.” I stammered, not meaning a word of course.

“Well, I guess that means you won’t need to stick around for much longer.” she smiled while taking a draw from her cigarette.

“Maybe not.” I softly replied as I dropped my ciggie and crushed it out before leaving her standing there and went back inside the pub.

As I walked in Debbie was just about to join me.

“You Ok? You look a bit pale.”

“I’m fine” I replied, a bit upset, as I passed her and moved back to the table.

“I gather congratulations are in order?” I announced to George as I sat down.

“Oh she told you then? I asked her not to. I wanted to tell you myself.” He frowned.

“She did that.”

“Well, it won’t be for a while yet.”

“I’m not sure if it should be ever.” I forcefully picked up my glass and took another sip of my drink.

“Look. I know you don’t like Amanda, not many people do. But you will be going home soon and I need somebody to keep me on the straight and narrow” he said.

“And what about what Melissa needs?”

“She’s my daughter. I think I know best.” He answered, a touch of anger in his voice

“Yeah she IS your daughter. But… I’m not so sure you know what’s best for her.”

Just at that point, Debbie and Amanda returned. I could see a look of disgust on Debbie’s face.

“What are you two gossiping about?” Amanda accused as she began to sit down.

“Eh, nothing” I replied. Just then, Amanda’s hand hit my glass containing my vodka and coke and depositing it all over my white skirt.

“FUCK YOU Amanda!” I vehemently spat.

“Oh… sorry”

I got up.

“We’d better be going Debbie, and get this washed before it stains.” I glared at both Amanda and George, stepping back from the table. Debbie got up, picking up my bag,

“See you in the morning?” George apologetically looked at me.

“Maybe.”

“Alex. I’m sorry.” Amanda insecurely spoke as we turned to leave.

“Yeah, I’ll bet!” I gritted my teeth, as I pulled open the door.

Outside I barked at Debbie, “Get a fucking cab!” I lit another cigarette.

“Calm down babe. I’m as annoyed as you are. I never expected them to get engaged.”

“She practically flaunted it in my face!” I fumed, taking a deep draw on the cigarette.

“You wouldn’t expect anything else? She was the same way with me when I was outside,” Debbie offered, as she pressed the numbers to the key pad of her mobile.

“That BITCH knocked that drink over on me on PURPOSE!” I ranted.

“Yeah, I know. Now just calm down, will you? We’ll talk about it over a glass or two at home,” Debbie responded.

As she made the call, I paced around, smoking my cigarette. My mind was in turmoil and my stomach churned at the thought of Amanda being Melissa’s mother.
 
 
The cab ride back to Debbie’s was a silent one. Back at her place, Gavin was informed of the night’s event and then we grabbed a bottle of vodka and some mixer’s and headed upstairs so I could change out of my sodden skirt. As we reached the top of the stairs I stopped, “Debbie I just want to check on Melissa”

“She’s fine. She’s asleep” she replied.

“I know, but I just want to check on her anyway.”

I walked to the bedroom that I was sharing with Melissa. Quietly opening the door, I stepped inside. There she lay fast asleep on the little camp bed that Debbie had put up for her. I walked over and gently picked her up. She stirred a little, her eyes opening a semi smile appearing on her face as she recognized me in her sleepy state.

“Hi darling! You ok?” I cooed quietly to her. Her arm tightened around my neck hugging me slightly.

“It will be ok baby! I’ll make sure you’re ok. Now go back to sleep. I’ll be along in a minute” I said as I lowered her back into her bed. Slowly and quietly, I edged away and back out into the hallway.

I found Debbie in her bedroom with some music on a radio as she poured us a drink. From where I stood, she was pouring very generous measures into the two tumblers.

“Here, get that down, you.” she said handing me a glass. I sat on the edge of the bed and Debbie sat beside me. Debbie pulled out her cigarettes and offered me one. We both lit up.

“Well that was a shocker!” she chuckled, blowing a narrow cloud of smoke across the room. I took a large swig from my drink.

“You’re not kidding! How can HE be so stupid? How can HE not see her for what she IS? I tried to talk to him while you were out, but he more or less told me to mind my own business!”

“Yeah, what is it they say about a fool in love?”

Debbie put her drink down and stood up. She opened a dresser drawer and rummaged around.

“Here, wear this.” she said tossing me a black skirt. I stood up, unzipped the skirt and took it off, before pulling on the skirt Debbie gave me.

“Here give me that skirt,” she offered, as I handed the damp skirt to her.

“I’ll just go and put it in the wash basket. We can wash it properly in the morning.”

She left the room I took another drink from my glass, the alcohol beginning to take an effect on me. I took a long drag from my cigarette and exhaled the smoke up into the air. I thought about tonight: the announcement, the sleeping child along the corridor, and what would happen to her. Amanda was only really interested in the money and George; Melissa would be packed away to some boarding school at the first opportunity. Tears began to form in my eyes. I began to cry in earnest and covered my face.

The door opened.

“Babes, don’t cry!” Debbie comforted me as she came to my side. Her arm encircled my shoulders, then pulled me to her.

I could feel my shoulder press deeply against her breasts, their heat on my arm. I continued to cry, my sobbing getting stronger.

“It’ll be ok” she whispered lovingly.

“Howw’s it going to be ok?”

“It will. I promise. You’ll see.” She planted a kiss on my forehead as I continued to cry. She caressed my cheek as she did so.

“You still have me and Gavin.”

“Y-yyeah… but…”

“But nothing!” she retorted. I became aware of her other hand stroking my thigh, moving across the top and resting on my knee. Her hand moved upward. I sat transfixed and still sobbing a bit. Her long nails flicked and tickled at the inside of my thigh and I could feel myself growing hard.

“It’s ok” she said again. “You’ve got me.”

Her hand moved higher under the skirt.

I looked up at her face, really close now; edging closer. Her lips met mine. Startled, I began to open my mouth to say something, but her tongue darted quickly inside. I responded slightly as my tongue met hers. Our lipstick coated mouths merged as one. She continued kneading my thigh as the intensity of the kiss increased. I suddenly pushed her away.

“No Debbie! We CAN’T do this!”

I looked to see Gavin standing in the doorway, watching us.

I pushed myself up off the bed and fled; pushing past Gavin. I bolted along the hall as fast as I could in my heels, and secured myself in the guest bedroom. I collapsed on the bed, kicking off my heels. I drew myself up into a somewhat fetal position and began to cry softly again. It was some time, before I managed to undress and slip under the covers to try and get some sleep.

“So what about Gavin watching us?”

“Every guy’s fantasy is watching two women having sex together - the way they touch each other, the sensuousness, the kissing....”
 

Healing Cousin George
Part 12 - Confessions
by Karin Roberts

 
I had a restless night. My mind churned over the events: the engagement, the kiss, and Gavin watching as Debbie tried to seduce me. In truth, I could not make much sense of any of it. I woke up reasonable early the next morning. In truth, Melissa woke me up, tugging at my arm to get me up.

“Morning Darling,” I said, slipping out of bed. I grabbed my overnight bag that I had brought over with me and pulled out a pair of jeans. I pushed my legs into them, then took a tee-shirt out of the bag and pulled it over my head. Melissa was buzzing around my feet. I got her settled and dressed and, taking her hand, I left the room and took her to the bathroom. As she attended to her business, I spruced up my face with some light make up.

During the night, I had half a thought about just sneaking out early this morning, taking Melissa home, and avoiding the awkward scene in the morning. Eventually I decided not to, as I owed Debbie something for all the help and support she had been giving me. She deserved more than just slipping out quietly. The house was silent. I figured Gavin had gone to work and Debbie was probably still sleeping off last night. Maybe it was the drink. I thought that maybe that had brought on that reaction. Who knows?

I made some breakfast for Melissa: some cereal, milk and juice, along with some toast and coffee for myself. I took it all outside to sit on the patio. It was a bright sunny morning and I wondered how George was waking up with his fiancé by his side. God! What was he letting himself in for? I looked at the child busily clearing her plate. More importantly, what was he letting Melissa in for? Melissa finished her breakfast and started to play around on the grass in front of the house.

“Be careful darling.” I said, lighting a cigarette and watching the happy child in her own world, without a care or worry in the world. Well, for now anyway, I thought.

The patio door opened behind me and out stepped Debbie, looking a bit bedraggled and the worse for wear after our session last night.

“Morning,” I tried to smile.

“Yeah morning. What time is it?”

“Just gone ten,” I replied, as she sat down with her cup of coffee.

“Can I have one of those?” she pointed to my cigarettes. I handed her the packet and the lighter. She took one out and lit it up. I was keeping a close eye on Melissa, who had as usual, had gotten herself dirty and would need a change before we went home.

“Quite a night, last night.” Debbie broke the ice, blowing out a stream of smoke

“Yeah it was. Full of surprises.” I glanced towards Melissa again, to check that she was ok.

“Look. I want to explain about last night. Can we talk?”

“Fire away.”

I lit another cigarette and sat back to listen.

“Alex, it’s been great having you around. You know that. Having another girl, to go shopping with and do things like last night; I know you’re not a real girl, but I don’t see the old Alex anymore.”

She stopped taking a drag from her cigarette. I cast my eyes again over towards Melissa, who was sitting on the grass happy in the sunlight.

She continued, “I don’t know whether it was the drink last night, or the fact that I knew you were upset over George; I just wanted to comfort you.”

She reached over a bit and took my hand. I flinched a bit in surprise and she let go.

“But even more so, you really do make a cute girl and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fancy you.”

She stopped her head bowed, blowing out a cloud of smoke.

“You what?”

“I fancy you. Is that so hard to believe? After all, Pete was attracted to you.”

“So are you a saying you’re a lesbian? Or what?”

“I’ve always known I’m bisexual.”

“So what about Gavin watching us?”

“Every guy’s fantasy is watching two women having sex together - the way they touch each other, the sensuousness, the kissing.” She took a long slow drag from her cigarette.

“But you’re married! You know I’m not a real woman, if anything had happened, Gavin would have found out!”

“Gavin already knows.” she replied.

“Do what? Gavin knows?” My hand covered my mouth in shock.

“Alex we’re man and wife. We don’t keep secrets from each other, especially in the lifestyle we lead.”

“What do you mean lifestyle?” I pulled another cigarette from the packet and lit it.

“Can you keep a secret?”

“I’m surprised you need to ask. I mean look at me. What have I been doing for the last couple of months?”

“Ok” she said “here goes…..”

For the next twenty minutes Debbie explained her and Gavin’s lifestyle to me. Finishing, she said “…..there, you know it all now. We are swingers.” She crushed out her cigarette and looked across the table at me.

“You shocked” she asked.

“Eh, well yes. I had no idea”

“No one does. Not even George or anyone else around here. We go to parties in the city, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Newcastle. All around really.”

“So last night, you wanted me to have sex with Gavin as well?” I incredulously ventured.

“Not if you didn’t want to. We wouldn’t have forced you to do anything. Only if you wanted to do it.”

I lit another cigarette. Melissa was stretched out on the grass now, fast asleep in the sun.

“I’d better get her inside, before she burns” I hastily crushed the ciggie out and walked over to her.

“Alex, speak to me. We can still be friends can’t we?” Debbie’s Debbie’s voice and eyes caused me to pause for a moment and think. I picked up Melissa and took her inside, gently putting her down on the settee. She stirred slightly.

“It’s ok darling. We’ll be going home soon.” I quietly cooed to her, brushing my lips against her forehead.

I went back outside. Debbie was still sitting where I left her, cigarette in hand and a fresh cup of coffee by her side. I sat down.

“You think we’re bad people?” she asked.

“No I don’t. I’m just surprised. You just seemed so in love with each other.”

“We are. But we just like a bit of variety in the bedroom. No one will ever come between us. We go to the parties and then come home together. Nobody comes here so no one even knows where we live.” She paused.

“It’s not forever. We want to have a family as well, so when the time, comes we’ll stop.”

“So how often do you go to these parties?”

“Maybe once a month. Sometimes more.” Debbie admitted. “In fact, we have one next weekend.”

I lit another cigarette and exhaled a cloud of white smoke.

“Always’s safe sex? I hope.”

“Of course! Ok, some don’t. But we always do, if I’m at that time of the month. That way, it’ll be Gavin’s child and not one of the men we meet at parties.”

“And Gavin… is he bisexual to?”

“He wasn’t when I met him. But he’s tried it a couple of times; only blow jobs, no penetration. It’s up to him and we respect each other’s limits.” she replied.

I sat in silence for a couple of minutes, absorbing what Debbie had just told me. I suppose that explained a couple of things, like how Debbie had been so comfortable accepting me as Alex. If her own sexuality was bisexual, then a guy in a dress would be no problem to her.

“Look Debbie, I won’t say anything. I could not have coped without you these last couple of months. I do treasure our friendship. The things we do together are fun. So you and Gavin’s secret is safe with me. But just so you know… I’m a one girl man, a one man girl” I said with a smirk. She giggled.

“I know that now. I think you really know what you want and I’m going to help you get it. Friends.” she said, reaching out and squeezing my hand, grasping it firmly.

“Friends” I said.

"I forgot next weekend’s my dads birthday. I’m supposed to be there as Alex… the real Alex."
I picked up my cigarettes and pulled one from the pack and lit it.
"But your hair, nails, and all that… you would need to get them cut!"
"Yeah I know."
 

Healing Cousin George
Part 13 - Debbie's Plan
by Karin Roberts

 
I left Debbie’s in the early afternoon and went home. Thankfully, Amanda had cleared out as well, by the time that I had gotten back. Melissa had exhausted herself tearing around Debbie’s yard all morning, so I had the opportunity for some thinking space in the bright afternoon sunlight. I poured myself a cool beer from the fridge and sat outside. Lighting a cigarette, I pondered the events of the last 24 hours. The engagement had taken us all by surprise - no one had seen that one coming. I wondered also, just how much pushing Amanda had done to make George go down that route.

It was obvious that he likes her and has feelings for Amanda, but during all our chats over the last couple of months, at no point did he given any indication that engagement was close. I suppose that the next move will be for her to try and move in. How long it would take her to crack that one was anyone’s guess. But knowing her, I figured it would not be too far away. So for me, the end would be in sight, because there was no way I could stay here once she moved in.

Last night’s incident with Debbie also got me to thinking that you never completely know someone, no matter how much time you spend with them. On the surface and to the public eye, Gavin and Debbie’s relationship was the perfect marriage. But underneath it, all of this swinging had been going on. As Debbie had said, though they were still so much in love with each other, and that their activities posed no threat to the stability of their relationship, who was I to judge if it worked for them? If it did, then so be it. "Each to their own" my mum would say. And after all, here was I sitting dressed as a female Alex, so who was I to judge?

I got up and poured myself another beer. I lit up another cigarette and took in a long drag. In all this commotion, I had not really thought too much about me in all of this. What did I feel? What did I want? Debbie had hinted that she knew, but I was still confused. The change in Alex over the last couple of month’s had been dramatic and somewhat of a roller coaster ride. My relationship with George had been an unstable one, while with Melissa, we were now unseparable. There was a direct hatred between Amanda and myself. With Debbie, I felt that I had a friend for life - someone that I could always have fun with, talk to, and who would always listen.

I was not sure what I wanted. I knew what I didn’t want, and that was for Amanda to marry George and become mother to Melissa. For me, that was just a recipe from hell and would not be in Melissa’s best interest. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that Amanda would be bad to Melissa, just that she was not her number one priority. Her real goal was George and the wealth and status that went with it. Melissa would just be a minor inconvenience in achieving her objective. Melissa would be packed off to boarding school or private school and be home for holidays only… if at all! "That was not what Grace would have wanted" I thought to myself. Every mother wants the best for her children, but separation from the family unit was not in the best interests of Melissa.

"So what do I do?" I thought to myself. I was not about to charge in like a bull in a china shop and interfere in George’s relationship. He knew well enough about how I felt towards Amanda. We had had a few chats about it. I’d been told to mind my own business and he was right - he was a grown man. He was big enough to make his own mistakes. I could only make my thoughts known and leave it to him to decide. So I would leave it be. Let the dice roll and see how it worked out. I just hoped that somewhere along the line, his blinders would come off and he would see what Amanda’s true plans were. Sure, she wasn’t a bad person, but she certainly would never make a good mother.

Life pretty much went on as normal after my night at Debbie’s. There was a little tension at first, but within a couple of days, we were back in the old familiar routine. Friday arrived, and with it, the height of our British summer. The sun blazed across the sky with the temperature in the low eighties. Melissa was fast asleep on a lie-low under a shaded canopy after having run herself ragged all morning. Debbie and I sat at the garden table with an iced wine cooler, enjoying a cigarette and a glass of wine in the afternoon heat.

"You got a party this weekend?" I asked,

"Yeah, Saturday night in Stirling." Debbie replied.

"How do you both cope with it?"

"Ok, It’s not a threat to us. Neither of us goes looking for anyone else, just for fun with other people." she defended.

"Yeah but have you ever… you know?"

"Ever what?"

"Well have you ever say been with anyone who maybe… satisfies you better then Gavin?"

She laughed. "Well I suppose so, but it’s false you know. It’s only sex. Gavin satisfies my mind , my emotions, and my body - the whole package, really. You never know that about someone else. I remember this guy in Glasgow once; fantastic in bed, but a real arrogant swine. It takes more than just sex."

"I suppose."

The sound of the phone ringing in the background cut our conversation short. I got up and walked back into the house.

"Hello? Oh Mum, is that you?" It had been about two weeks since I’d last spoken to my mum.

"How’s everyone there?" she asked.

"Great. Couldn’t be better. Melissa’s flat out in the heat and Debbie’s here. Great weather eh?"

"Yes it is. Look, I’m just ringing about next weekend."

"Next weekend?"

"Yes next weekend. You’ve forgotten haven’t you?" I momentarily stalled. "Your dad’s fiftieth birthday party!"

"Oh yeah, that." I sighed.

"Well you’re both coming aren’t you?"

"I don’t know you know what’s going on down here. I’ve changed so much; my hair and all that. It would be difficult to just get back to looking like Alex again overnight."

"Alex you can’t do this! It’s your dad’s birthday, you need to be there! And anyway you’ve only got about four weeks before you start your job. You need to start thinking like the old you again."

"I get the message mum. I’ll speak to George this week. You know he got engaged to Amanda?"

"No. When did that happen?"

"This past weekend." I said

"So your time will be over soon anyways."

"Yeah, I suppose. But it’s the wrong move for Melissa." I let out.

"Well, you will just need to get used to it, is all."

"Mum, believe me, it will end in tears. And I’m not sure either him or Melissa are strong enough for that again."

"Well, we’ll deal with that when it happens, OK? You just make sure you’re here next weekend."

"Ok Mum."

I hung up the phone.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed as I walked back towards Debbie.

"What is it babes?" she pursued as I sat down.

"I forgot next weekend’s my dads birthday. I’m supposed to be there as Alex… the real Alex."

I picked up my cigarettes and pulled one from the pack and lit it.

"But your hair, nails, and all that… you would need to get them cut!"

"Yeah I know." I depressedly moped.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Guess I’ll just have to turn back into boring male Alex."

I blew out a cloud of smoke

"Maybe not," she said.

"How?"

"I’ve an idea."

And for the next half hour or so, she told me what she was thinking.

I dropped what I was doing and went over to him. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him with a content smile on my face. “Thanks George. You’re a star!” George slightly struggled to get out of my grip, a bit embarrassed by the situation. I kissed his cheek gently and let him go. A mix of confusion ran through his eyes as I just stood back and smiled at him.
 

Healing Cousin George
Part 14 - The Plan
by Karin Roberts

 
Debbie stuck around for most of the day and indeed blagged an invite to dinner that night. I knew what she was thinking. And as much as I thought it was a daft idea, I was willing to give it a go. George arrived just before six and after explaining that Debbie was staying for dinner, he went and took a shower to wash away the day’s toils. We all sat down to mixed salad and cold meat as the sun began to drop in the sky. Debbie prodded me under the table and gestured with her eyes to get my attention to focus on George. I began to relate the events of the day to him.

“George, Mum called today.”

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah everything’s fine. Just that its Dad’s fiftieth next week and we’re expected to be there.” I replied.

Silence descended for a minute.

“I clean forgot all about it.” I apologetically looked at George as he played with his food.

“Well there’s no way we can go, not with you looking like that.” he said.

“But she’s insisting…”

George let go of his salad fork and looked into my eyes. “Alex how the hell can we be at the party? I mean look at you… you’re as far removed from the Alex that came here a couple of months back that….that… how can you go to a party looking… like this?”

I flushed slightly at his comment on my look.

Debbie spoke up, “Look, it’s none of my business, but I think I’ve got a solution for the both of you.”

“Well feel free Sherlock. I’m all ears.” George irratatedly quipped as he placed another bite into his mouth.

“Well there’s no way Alex can really go back to being ‘Alex,’ if you know what I mean.” she stopped.

“Well you got that one right sister!” George interrupted.

“Well what about if you go?” she pointed at George. “And you take Alex as Amanda? None of Alex’s family have met Amanda yet, right? So they won’t know any different and that way you both get to be there.”

There was silence.

“You want me to take Alex… as Amanda?” George incredulously stared at Debbie.

“Why not? It’s not as if your staying overnight. Just drive down go to the party and then come back. No one needs to know and least of all Amanda. You’re just going to a family party. No big deal. And, as I said, you both get what you want. You both get to be there.”

“One small problem there. What about Alex’s mum? She knows about this. How is she going to feel about her son turning up at her Husband’s birthday party in drag?”

“I’m sure she will be ok with it. She’s been ok so far with this arrangement. So another little white lie won’t matter. You get her to tell her husband the real Alex is ill, say that he’s bed ridden and unfit for travel and you take Melissa with you. Perfect. Everyone’s happy. What do you think?”

“Makes a bit of sense… maybe?” I threw my two pence in, not finding fault with the logic.

George paused. “I’m not sure. I don’t know whether I like the idea or not. What do I tell Amanda?”

“Just the truth. You’re not lying. You’re both going to a family event, nothing else.” Debbie emphasized.

“I’m still not convinced about it,” George said as he got up and deposited his empty plate in the sink. “ I need to give it more thought.”

Debbie gave him a stare as he started to go out of the kitchen.

George spoke from the hallway as he was putting his coat on, “I’ll think about it, Ok? Look I need to get going. I’m meeting Amanda later.” George then trounced upstairs.

Debbie looked at me and winked, “He’ll do it.” A smile crept on to her face.

It was Tuesday morning before George finally agreed to the Debbie’s plan. As I made breakfast for Melissa, he came in from the barn. “Look I think this idea stinks, but it’s only fair that you should be at your Dad’s birthday. Ok, let’s run with it. But on no account does anyone tell Amanda ever and you had also better square it with your mum first” he directed towards me, eyeing me.

I dropped what I was doing and went over to him. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him with a content smile on my face.

“Thanks George. You’re a star!” George slightly struggled to get out of my grip, a bit embarrassed by the situation. I kissed his cheek gently and let him go. A mix of confusion ran through his eyes as I just stood back and smiled at him.

Soon after, I was on the telephone to Debbie.

“He’s agreed about Saturday!” I rushed. The excitement in my voice gave away how I felt.

“Told you he would!” Debbie knowingly proffered, “And that means shopping for an outfit tomorrow.” I could just see her grinning through the phone set. Any excuse to shop.

I laughed. “I don’t need anything more.”

“Hey who’s idea was this anyways? A shopping trip is the least that I should get as a reward.”

“Ok. Then shopping tomorrow it is then.” I hung up.

The second call, later, was a bit more difficult.

“Christ Alex! You can’t show up at your Dad’s birthday party dressed as a woman!” mum exclaimed.

“It’s either that or not at all. Look nobody’s ever saw Amanda. We can make the excuse that I’m ill, bed ridden with some stomach bug, etc. Then at least I get to be there. Anyway, no one else knows about this do they?”

She hesitated. “Well Ashley does.”

“Why the hell did you tell Ashley?” I erupted.

“Alex! It’s been hard on me dealing with this. I needed somebody to talk to about it!”

“I suppose.” I just rolled my eyes and paused, thinking. “And is she ok… with it?”

“Well to be frank, she found it hilarious to start with. But I think she sees that you done it for the right reasons. Anyway, you’ll need to stop it soon. I mean it’s only three weeks till the start of term, so you’ll need to get back to normal soon.”

“Maybe not Mum.” I answered.

“What do you mean maybe not? You’re not changing your mind are you? Look, this situation hasn’t gone any further, has it?” she pleaded with a hint of exasperation in her tone.

I felt the heat of a blush run through my face from embarrassment. I knew exactly what she had meant!

“No, it hasn’t. It’s just that I rang the Education Board and explained that I had a family situation that I was dealing with. They agreed that I could defer my post until Christmas if I want. I’ve not decided yet. But if I need more time here, then I can have it.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing.” Mum replied. I could almost believe that she knew what was going through my mind.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah I do, mum. I just need a bit more time to make George see some sense.”

“Well if that’s all… then ok. But about Saturday, please be careful! Your dad would have a fit if he finds out.”

“I will mum. I promise you won’t even recognise me, never mind dad. I’ll see you Saturday.”

With that, we hung up. And I began to think some serious work needed to be done.

"George you awake?" I again whispered. Another snore. I was trying to sort out the little mix of confusion within me at this situation. To my surprise, I found that I had pushed back so that his erection was now firmly against me. It just… felt right.
 

Healing Cousin George
Part 15 - The Birthday Party
by Karin Roberts

 
Debbie got her wish and come Wednesday we were off for our regular shopping trip. This one however turned out to be that little bit different. I know now why she did it but at the time I was a bit surprised. We arrived in Glasgow, unloading Melissa as usual into her buggy, but as we approached the shopping galleries, Debbie sprung her surprise.

"Ok Alex, off you go!" she shooed me as she gently removed my hands from the handles of Melissa’s buggy. Then she eased herself between me and the buggy.

I blinked.

"What do you mean ‘off you go’?"

"Just that. Off you go! Me and Melissa are going for a nice walk down by the river for an ice cream and a coffee. You, on the other hand, are going shopping for an outfit for Saturday."

I looked at her with my mouth wide open.

"But…but I can’t go myself! I need you with me!!!" I stuttered.

"Why?"

"Eh, … just because…"

"No, you don’t need me with you. Now, off you go!" She started to wheel Melissa away.

"Debbie! Debbie! Come back!"

"See you by the Riverside Café in a couple of hours" she called back as she disappeared into the crowded city streets.

I stood for a minute, unsure of what to do. I’d never really been on my own as my female persona "Alex." "What was I supposed to do?" I busily thought. "Standing out here in the centre of a busy street was not going to help though. I’m standing out like a sore thumb!" I opened my bag and took out my cigarettes, lighting one. I inhaled, letting the smoke ride to my brain to calm my nerves. "Well I am here to shop. So I guess I had better get on with it."

I walked along on towards the main shopping mall.

Two hours later, I walked along the riverside quay, heading towards the café that Debbie had mentioned. Five carrier bags were hanging from my hands as the light breeze swished my skirt. My heels were clicking on the tiled walkway. I spotted Debbie and Melissa sitting at a table and waved ahead.

"What was all that about?" I asked as I reached them and sat down.

"What?"

"Sending me off on my own like that!"

"I’ll get us both a coffee and a bun. I’ll be back in a minute then we can talk." Debbie rose from the table and headed to the coffee shop.

I checked on Melissa who was asleep in her buggy, no doubt tired out from Debbie’s attention as she often mumbled these days. Me, I was Awwex, in her limited, but starting to grow vocabulary. I sat back down and lit a cigarette, crossing my legs, awaiting the return of Debbie.

I stirred my coffee as Debbie lit a cigarette and began to talk.

"Alex, ever since you began your fem self," she whispered in a hushed tone, "You’ve never really been on your own as Alex. Either George, Pete, or me have been around acting as a sort of crutch to help you along. Given that the party is on Saturday, I just thought that sending you out on your own like that would be a good boost for your confidence."

I sipped my coffee and thought about what she was saying. She was right in some ways: today I had strolled along bust city streets on my own as Alex, comfortable with my female look and attire, walking comfortably in heels, and interacting with shop assistants and a couple of fellow shoppers just as if it were an everyday thing. Oblivious to the truth, that I was really a 23 year-old guy, my movements and mannerisms had been those of a genetic female the same age. My eye for fashion had been just the same. My voice might have had slightly harsh edges to it, but it was not enough to betray my identity. In effect, I passed without a second thought and blended in just like any other woman.

I exhaled a cloud of smoke and crushed the cigarette out in the ashtray.

"You’re right, I suppose, Debbie. On Saturday, I need to convince people that I’m Amanda 100%, so I need all the confidence I can muster."

She smiled "You’ll do fine."

She squeezed my hand as she crushed out her own cigarette.

"Now more importantly, what did you buy?" she smirked.

While I showed Debbie my purchases, which somewhat bizarrely included a shirt and tie set for George, I had thought some more about what Debbie had said and, indeed, how I felt. The longer this went on, the more divorced I seemed to be becoming from my male self. My thoughts were almost typical of a mother: Melissa’s welfare, fashion, house décor, and all the typical traits of a female. My interaction with Debbie was, with the exception of that one night, typically that of a relationship between two women as close friends. In truth, I didn’t really know where the old Alex was anymore.

The rest of the week passed like lightning. Bright and early Saturday morning, I rose and got Melissa something to eat. I dressed her for the day ahead and packed some extra clothes for her to change into should she need to or if she got messy. I put on some breakfast for George. Once he was awake and up, I went to grab a shower myself. I packed a bag of some toiletries for myself, make up, perfume, etc., etc. I dressed in a pair of jeans and a white blouse to travel in. I was planning to change at Mum’s on arrival. I packed away my dress in a clothes hanging bag and picked up the shoes I had bought to match as well. I also packed away a skirt and a top and another pair of shoes in case of any emergency and then went downstairs.

Downstairs George was tidying up the kitchen while Melissa ran around making a nuisance of herself.

"Come here babes…" I called.

"Awex!" she cried running across the room towards me.

I picked her up. "Now, we’re going on a trip today - to a party," I said ticking her side. She giggled. "And I want you to be good for me and Daddy. Can you do that?"

She nodded her head and I let her down.

"You about ready?" I yelled out.

"Yeah just about," George called back as he came from the kitchen. "Remember, we need to be very careful today."

"Yeah I know. It’s me that’s got more to lose. You got the story straight? Alex in bed with a bad bout of food poisoning, Debbie calling in on him to see how he is from time to time?"

"Yeah I’m cool with it. It’s not that difficult is it? Look, lets get a move on, time’s short."

I rounded up Melissa, while George collected the three bags and we stepped out into the bright sunlight. "It’s going to be a hot day." I thought as the sun caught my skin. The car started and we moved off. As we paused at the top of the drive and then pulled out into the main road, I thought once more "Yep it’s gonna be hot. And if I don’t get this right, it could be even hotter."

*********

Just over fifty minutes later, George was pulling the car to a halt outside my parent’s house. Predictably, I could see Mum at the window, anxious to meet us before Dad did and maybe give us some warning or piece off her mind over what we were about to do. She walked down the driveway, as George unloaded the bags. I let Melissa go and she ran to meet Mum, hugging her legs. "Hello little Darling," she cooed as she took Melissa’s hand and continued towards us.

"George , Alex." Mum greeted us.

"Mum, its Amanda. Remember?"

"Bloody stupid idea, if you ask me!" she retorted.

"Look mum, we talked about this on the phone already. I want to be at Dad’s birthday and without ruining all that is going on back at the farm, I couldn’t just change back for the day."

She sighed.

"Where’s the Birthday Boy?" George asked, trying to defuse the situation a bit.

Mum turned to George, "Uncle Frank took him down to the local for a pint. He’ll be back in an hour. We’re setting up out back."

"I need to get changed for the party and I’m sure George would like to freshen up." I interrupted.

"God! It’s really gotten to you hasn’t it?" she said. "Change upstairs in my room Alex and George, you can use Alex’s old room beside the toilet. I’ll take Melissa out back for a little while." Mum turned and left us leading Melissa around back.

I looked at George and just raised my eyebrows a little and shrugged my shoulders before we followed her up the path.

Upstairs I laid out my new outfit that I had bought during the week. It consisted of a very pale blue silk dress, straight cut, and about calf length. The top had two spaghetti straps. It was slightly low cut at the front, but had a rose made from the same material just at the centre of the chest. I had matching pale blue sandals with silk ribbons which criss-crossed up your legs and calves before tying it in a bow at the top. That was another thing that had changed about me, the eye for fashion - the need to mix and match colours. I suppose it was not new to me totally, as after all I’d watched my Mum and Sister do it for years. I reapplied my makeup and then picked up my small white leather shoulder bag. Dropping my ciggies, lighter, lipstick and some face powder in the bag, I checked myself out in the mirror. I looked good.

"So now is the test!" I mentally steeled myself as I proceeded downstairs to meet my fate.

The numbers were beginning to swell and I noticed a couple of Dad’s old friends as I stepped off the last step. They turned and looked at me. I knew reasonably well as they smiled that they smiled at me as someone they did not know. I walked past, returning their smile. "Two down, only another hundred to go." I thought as I stepped out onto the patio. I spotted George wearing the shirt and tie I had bought earlier and I made my way over to him.

"Your shirt ok?" I asked him as I stood beside him checking his attire out.

"It’s fine. You have any problems so far?"

"No nothing. I’ve only seen a couple of people that I know. Remember… whatever happens tonight, we just have to roll with it… for Melissa’s sake." I emphasized as I stared into George’s eyes. He seemed somewhat still as he looked back with a softer look and suddenly caught what he had been doing. He coughed.

"But let’s just hope it doesn't get too complicated. Drink?" he asked.

"Er, fine white wine with soda." I softly answered as he turned to retrieve the drinks. Gradually, more guests began to arrive: my grandmother, a couple of aunts, cousins, friends and neighbours. Eventually, Dad arrived with Uncle Frank, both looking as if they had already sank a few too many, but sober enough however for the party to get into full swing. We mixed and mingled with the other guests, introducing ourselves as George and Amanda. Everything was going smooth and seemed normal - each one accepting us for what we appeared.

As the music kicked in and the dancing began, I excused myself from George for a minute and went to find a quiet spot to have a cigarette. I slipped around the side of the house onto the paved path and took out my cigarettes, lighting one up. I blew a cloud of smoke into the air. I’d only been there a couple of minutes when a voice said,

"Can I bum one of those?"

Startled, I turned to see who it was.

"Ashley?"

"Hello Bruv or should I say Sis? What the hell have you got yourself into?"

I handed Ash the pack and the lighter.

"Long story Sis, but necessary," I answered.

She lit up. "Well you certainly look the part, but… Bruv… where is this going?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well it needs to end sometime. And there will be tears somewhere…" She took a long drag from the cigarette she blew a stream of smoke to the floor.

"Maybe… Do you think anyone has noticed anything?"

"No. Not at all. In fact, couple of people I’ve been taking too has said how pleased they are for George and how lucky he is to have found a good looking partner."

I grinned. "Good. I just had to be here, you know, and changing back to Alex for today would have been a nightmare. Because then I would just have just to change back again to my female self tomorrow."

"Well as long as you don’t get hurt in all this, then I’m cool with it. Now, let’s get back to the party. Dad’s about to make a speech."

The night wore on and darkness fell. The garden was illuminated by hundreds of little spotlights hung from all available points so that sufficient light was available. Once more, I snuck off for a cigarette. This time, when I was finished, I skipped back inside to check on Melissa. I was glad to be away from the biz and have a few minutes on my own. For a start, the wine was beginning to have an effect on me and I needed a few minutes to compose myself.

I walked into the room where the kids had been corralled for the night with snacks and DVD’s to keep them entertained. Inside, were several relative’s children being watched over by one of the neighbour’s teenage daughter's. Grandmother was also there fussing around with one of my nephews. I knew her well and introduced myself as Amanda we shook hands she asked if I could stay for a minute while she nipped out for a drink.

"Eh, no problem."

My voice must have triggered Melissa and her head snapped round "Awex" she said rushing off the couch and towards me, her arms encircling my legs. As I looked up, I could see Grandma looking at me with suspicion. What is it they say about out of the mouths of babes? I froze.

************

Grandma looked sternly at me and walked back over to me. She sort of paused, squinting slightly at my elegantly made up face as I stroked Melissa’s head.

"There’s something not quite right here. Your Mum’s been on edge all night."

I stayed silent.

"Well my dear, what is it? You’re supposed to be Amanda, are you not?"

I sighed looking down at Melissa, trying to think about how I was going to get out of this one. My mind was a blank. I guess then, honesty will need to be the best policy.

"Look Grandma, I can explain."

"I hope so" she replied.

"Let’s sit down for a minute." I said as I took Melissa’s hand and led her towards the settee.

Thirty minutes later I had told my story.

"….. so you see it was for Melissa’s sake. I made a silly mistake and I’ve had to live this lie since. George is not to blame. Me and Debbie badgered him into me coming as Amanda tonight. I just wanted to be here for Dad in some way."

"And your Mum knows about this?"

I nodded.

"And Ashley." I said "But Dad has no idea, please don’t tell him!" I pleaded.

"Well I don’t really approve, but I’ve no wish to spoil his day. But this has to stop." she said her finger wagging at me.

"It will Grandma, as soon as George is on his feet and thinking a bit clearer about Melissa."

Grandma faced me. "You really think this woman is that bad for this child?"

"Yes I do! She’s no motherly instinct whatsoever. She only wants George for his money."

"Well Ok. Should I have a word with him?" she asked.

"No. Don’t do that. He will go mad if he knows that anyone else knows about this." I gestured with my hands down at my dress.

"Ok. But remember, it has to stop."

The door opened and the babysitter stepped back inside "Sorry, my Mum kept me back" she said looking a bit sheepish as she returned to her duties.

"That’s ok, It gave me a chance to meet with Melissa’s Gran" I said with a slight smile on my lips. I could see her looking sternly at me as I rose.

"See you soon Melissa." I said as I walked to the door.

As I walked outside I sighed a huge sigh of relief. I needed a cigarette. I slipped out, passing a few guests in the kitchen, smiled briefly, and walked round the corner of the house. Opening my bag I took out my cigarettes and lit up. The smoke immediately hitt my brain, calming my nerves a bit. That was close! Let’s hope she keeps to her word! I thought to myself. Somehow, I felt that she would. But I also knew that Mum would probably feel the sharp edge of her tongue at some point.

A few minutes later I stubbed out the cigarette with my shoe and walked back towards the party. I had been gone for nearly an hour, so I was keen to find George and see what was happening with him. I spotted him close to the small marquee talking to Ashley.

"Here’s the love of your life!" Ashley teased as I drew close. I flashed her an annoyed smile.

"Where have you been?" George asked.

"Eh, I went to check on Melissa. Got to talking with the babysitter." I lied.

I looked at his glass "What’s that you're drinking?"

"Just a whiskey."

"Just a whiskey? You idiot, how many of them have you had?"

"Your dad just kept giving me them. Maybe three… or four."

"Yeah, and you had two cans of beer as well before I went away. You can’t drive like that!" I said anger in my voice.

"Sure I can."

"No way am I letting you drive Melissa home when you’ve been drinking!!"

"Well… we can’t stay here" he said.

"We’ll just have to… idiot!" I stormed off to find Mum.

Mom was busy seeing some guests out and I waited a minute to draw her attention.

"What is it?" she asked.

"George has been drinking and he wants to drive. But I won’t risk Melissa with his drunkedness and all that. Dad’s been feeding him drink." I said at a frantic pace.

"You can’t stay here. Ashley and Auntie Marge and Uncle Frank are using our spare rooms."

"Well, we can’t go home either."

"Ok leave it with me. I’ll come and find you." She left and I headed back to the party. There were only a smattering of guests left as I walked across the grass. George I could see was deep in conversation with Dad. To be honest, I’d sort of avoided Dad all night, but now, I was walking straight towards him.

"Ah here’s you lubley wife to be.." Dad slurred. It was obvious he had taken a skinful tonight and was well and truly drunk. I was beside George and took his right hand in a gentle hold with my left hand.

"So wven is the big day?" Dad managed to ask.

"Oh, not for a while yet," George replied.

"Good…. tu shee you pudding…. yuur life backs togetter." he managed to say, "Wvhy… dun’t you gives… the lady a kiss? Dun’t be shy."

George looked at me, bent a little, and kissed my forehead.

"Naw lad, ah means… a real kiss." he persisted.

George looked down. I slightly nodded and our heads moved together. Our lips met - my mouth opening slightly. We paused for a moment, my tongue running slightly along his inside his mouth. George opened his eyes a bit wider in surprise as he looked at me while we kissed. When we thought that Dad would be happy with our effort, we parted.

"Thas a bit bedder now. Goesh and take the lady ups fur a dance." Dad smiled as he apparantly thought we passed.

George looked at me again for what to do and I nodded. He lightly placed his hand around my waist. I followed him on to the small dance floor.

"I can’t dance! Really!" I hissed.

"Look… just put your arms around my neck and we will just… shuffle around."

I put both of my arms around his neck, moving closer and we started to move around together.

"What did your Mum say?"

"She’s trying to sort out somewhere for us to stay. How could you be so daft?" I frowned.

"I’m sorry." he offered. "It’s ok now… I think. We’ve gotten past the worst of the night. And we have pulled it off."

"Yeah… we have." I replied. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Mum exit the house coming towards us with Dad ambling along behind her

"Here’s Mum coming." I whispered. We stopped dancing.

**************

"George, Amanda, Aunt Karen has got a spare room. You can stay there tonight" she said. "But you will need to share…" Her eyebrows arched up a bit as she emphasized the point.

Dad piped in "Thas wun’t be a problem. Affer all, theeysh goving to be man and wife."

George looked at me and then said "Thanks. Do we need to get a taxi there?"

"If you hurry, they are just getting ready to leave now. Melissa is fast asleep - you can pick her up from the lounge."

"Ok, George. Can you get the little bag I packed from the car? I’ll go and get Melissa."

"Ok darling" he kissed me a peck on the lips, playing his part. I walked off with a devious smile on my lips at his comment.

I picked up Melissa and found Aunt Karen by the door, her coat on and ready to leave.

"Sorry about all of this." I softly said.

"It’s ok. It could happen to anyone really. Where’s George?"

"Eh, just picking up a small bag of clothes I had packed for an emergency."

"Good thinking! Always pays to be well prepared." she smiled.

George soon appeared carrying the hold-all just as a taxi pulled up outside. Aunt Karen was a widow whose husband had died in an accident at work a few years back. Her son was studying at University, so I figured that we would get his room. We climbed into the taxi and drove off to make the short journey to her house. Five minutes later we turned onto her street and stepped out, George insisted on paying the taxi driver.

"It’s the least we can do, as your offering us a room for the night." He pulled the pound notes out and paid the driver.

Inside, Aunt Karen made us some coffee. George sat with Melissa in the kitchen while we took our cup upstairs.

"You can stay in my room tonight." Karen offered.

"No.. we couldn’t put you out like that."

"Nonsense! Anyway, the bed in Shane’s room is too small for the two of you."

I sighed.

She showed me the room and where the bathroom was.

"So when are you two getting hitched?" she eagerly asked.

"Oh I don’t know… we’ve not set a date yet."

"George is quite a catch you know."

"Yeah… That he is." I readily agreed.

"Can you ask him to come up? There’s a camp bed in the attic that we can set up for Melissa, if he helps me down with it." she said.

"Sure, I’ll go and get him" I went back to the kitchen.

Half an hour later, the camp bed was up and we Melissa, George and me were in the room. Aunt Karen headed off to bed in Shane’s room.

"Do you want me to sleep on the camp bed?" I quietly asked. "Melissa could bunk in with you."

"What if Karen comes in? Say in the morning and were in separate beds?" George added.

I gave in to that sound logic.

"Eh, I guess your right." I put the dozing Melissa down in the bed and covered her over.

"Goodnight little darling" I said, kissing her cheek. George did the same.

We both began to undress: George; his shoes and socks followed by his trousers. I tried not to look as I turned to slip my dress off. I unfastened the stocking’s and suspender belt that I was wearing and draped them over the chair. Standing in a light blue thong and matching bra I slipped under the covers and pulled them up over me. A minute or so later I felt the bed sag and George slipped in beside me. "Goodnight" he said as he gave me a stare a moment longer.

"Goodnight. See you in the morning" I switched off the bedside light.

The room went dark. My heart was beating at a tremendous rate of knots. Here I was, in bed with George, in a strange house. Wouldn’t Amanda go spare if she could see this now? And she would go even more spare if she knew the truth! I lay awake as the minutes ticked past. Fifteen, twenty maybe before I could hear a slight snore coming from George,

"You awake?" I quietly whispered into the darkness. I snuggled in with him a bit further. The minutes ticked on by. He rolled over and his arm dropped over the middle of my back - his hand dangling just above my chest. I froze at first. I moved back a bit more into him. His hand was pushed further forward by my movement, dropping the hand over my stomach. I edged back all the way, after a thought, with my bum coming into contact with his groin. A slight stir occurred in him as he had an erection - you know, the kind that guy’s get in their sleep?

"George you awake?" I again whispered. Another snore. I was trying to sort out the little mix of confusion within me at this situation. To my surprise, I found that I had pushed back so that his erection was now firmly against me. It just… felt right. I shut my eyes and found myself a bit content. A smile appeared on my face in the darkness as I drifted off.

At that, George leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek.
“Goodnight Alex.”
“Yeah… goodnight.”
I watched him go up the stairs and heard his room door close. I poured myself another drink and sat down, opening my bag and taking out my cigarettes to light one. Three or four more drinks later, and another couple of cigarettes, I was going to bed as well. My brain was in turmoil and had all sorts of thoughts running through it.
Amongst that turmoil, was a single, important question that I was trying to answer: What am I?

Healing Cousin George
Part 16 - Dinner At Debbie's
by Karin Roberts

 
My eyes fluttered open as the early morning sun crept its way across the room. It took me a few seconds to get my bearings. You all know that feeling waking up in a strange room? Memories of last night flooded back: the party, George drinking, and us ending up here at Aunt Karen’s. George’s arm was still flopped across my waist; it didn’t seem that he had moved an inch all night. What time is it? I thought as I stretched out my arm and reached for George’s mobile. I lifted it and switched it on, the backlight appearing as it did with Melissa’s face as his wallpaper.

It was just gone half past eight and the phone beeped I looked at it 8 missed calls I pressed the button: all of them from “Manda.” Oh god! She’ll be going spare by this time! I thought. Once more I snuggled in. Yeah, there it was! Another erection nudging into my thong covered ass. What is it with this guy’s erection thing last night and again first thing this morning that was making me feel this way? It seemed like ages since I had experienced one; even that passionate kiss from Debbie awhile back had only encouraged a mild stirring in my loins.

A slight rap at the door “Amanda, George you awake?” George stirred a little grunted a bit and woke. Shock must have taken over when he realised that his arm was draped over my waist. He sat bolt upright. Whether he was immediately aware of his erection, I don’t know, but he rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his tousled hair.

“What time is it?” he asked.

“Eh, just around quarter to nine” I replied.

“Shit I’m supposed to be meeting Pete in half an hour we had a job on” George exclaimed, sitting up in the bed.

Another rap at the door. “Amanda, George you awake?”

“We are Aunt Karen,” I said in a loud voice.

The door opened and she stepped inside. George probably became aware of his erection at that point. Grabbing his trousers, he made sure he turned his back before pulling them up.

“I need to take a shower and call Pete. Is it ok if I take a shower?” he asked, turning to face Aunt Karen.

“That’s fine dear. The water has been on for ages. Should be nice and hot” she said.

I sat up by now, pulling the covers up above my breasts. I glanced over at the camp bed and noticed it was empty.

“Where’s Melissa?” I asked.

“Downstairs having her breakfast. I popped my head in earlier. You two seemed comfortable, so I let you lie” she said.

A blush started to cross Geroge’s face as he passed Aunt Karen and headed out the door.

“Ok. I’ll just get dressed and join you.” I said.

“Do you want any breakfast?” Aunt Karen posed as she started to turn.

“Eh, toast and coffee will do me fine.” I said.

“Ok see you downstairs.” And with that she left.

I got up and changed into my spare set of clothes that I had packed for an emergency. By the time I was dressed, George was back out of the shower and calling Pete on his mobile.

“Pete? Its George. Look mate, we had to stay over last night. You ok to kick it off?” he asked as I picked up my makeup bag and headed to the bathroom to touch up my face.

Twenty minutes later, we were all seated downstairs drinking some coffee as George looked at his watch every few seconds. I drained the last of my cup and got up.

“Come on babes,” I said to Melissa “Daddy needs to get back to work.” I walked over and gripped her hand as she toddled after me to go and pack away our stuff.

Fifteen minutes later we were back at Mum’s and pulling away from her driveway as her and Ashley waved us off. Dad was still in bed nursing his hangover, so another meeting with him had been avoided. As we pulled out onto the main road, George said,

“Sorry about last night.”

“What? The drinking?” I replied in that tone that women use to make disapproval apparent.

“Well… yeah. This morning as well… with my arm draped over you and all.” he stuttered.

“That’s ok George.”

A slight smile crossed my face as I turned to face out the window.

“Good.” was all he said. The rest of the journey then descended into silence.

Back home, Debbie was on the phone in less than thirty minutes after we got back home. George had shot off to help Pete and no doubt grovel to Amanda. Melissa was busy tucking in to her lunch while I spoke with Debbie on the phone.

“So how did it go?”

“Fine… except for me being rumbled by my Grandma because Melissa ran over shouting” Awex!” at me”

There was laughter in the background.

“What did you do?”

“I explained it to her. She wasn’t happy, but I asked her to keep quiet for the night and speak to Mum about it”

“And did she?”

“Yeah,” I replied as I lit into a cigarette.

“So how come you stayed over?”

“Well Dad got George to drinking and I wouldn’t let him drive. So, we had to stay with Aunt Karen.”

“She had plenty room then?”

“Eh, well yes and no.” I hesitated slightly.

“Where did you all sleep?”

“She had a spare camp bed so Melissa slept there. Me and George had to share.”

There was a silence.

“You slept with him?”

I could feel my face go red as she spoke; I took a draw on the cigarette.

“Well not exactly. We only shared the same bed.”

“Jesus! Amanda would hit the ceiling if she knew that!” she laughed.

“It’s not funny! He had eight missed calls from her on his mobile this morning.”

“Of course she will be happy. I can see her face right now. If she knew you were impersonating her, she would be even madder.”

“Well, it gets a bit worse than that.”

“How come?”

“Well, during the party, when Dad was drunk, he insisted on a kiss between me and George. At first it was just a peck on the cheek, but then he insisted. So we had a fully fledged snog.”

That was it. Debbie just dissolved into laughter. It was a good while before I could calm her down.

“Alex look, it’s been ages since me and Gavin had any company over here. It’s our wedding anniversary on Friday. Why don’t you and George come over for dinner?”

“Eh I don’t know. Maybe that would be pushing it a bit?”

“Well ask him. It’s been ages since him and Gavin have had a good chat.” she persisted.

“Ok, I’ll ask him.”

“Good. I’ll ring you tomorrow. I need to go to the loo. All that laughing has my bladder bursting. See you babes.”

“Ok, speak to you soon.”

********

I left the subject for a day or so before approaching George. So one night, over dinner, I asked.

“Are you seeing Amanda this weekend?”

“Why?”

“Oh nothing, really” I replied.

“Only on Saturday. She’s going out with her mates from work on Friday.” he added.

“It’s just that Debbie and Gavin invited us over for dinner on Friday. It’s their anniversary.”

“I don’t think that would be such a good idea.”

“Oh, go on. Debbie said it’s been ages since you and Gavin have had a good old chat.”

“Yeah, that’s true. You know, we used to play football together in the same team when we were younger.”

“Well then, lot’s to catch up on.”

“I suppose, ok tell her it’s a date.” he said picking up his plate and deposited it into the sink.

“I’m just going to say goodnight to Melissa” he added.

“Ok, no problem. I’ll wash up.”

The next morning, I called Debbie first thing. “We’re on for dinner.”

“Good going girl! That means shopping trip tomorrow.” I could just hear the excitement in her voice.

“Why shopping?”

“Well, you need a new dress, for dinner.”

I laughed, saying “Debbie your incorrigible.”

“Yeah, I know, but you love me really. See you tomorrow babes.”

As planned, Debbie had turned up early Wednesday and drove us to Glasgow for another shopping expedition. If there’s one thing Debbie does well, it’s shopping. As usual, she dragged me around stores looking for an outfit. When she was finally satisfied that she had found me the right dress, we set about finding something for her as well and shirts and ties for Gavin and George. Melissa was not left out; a couple of things were found for her as well.

Friday came, and with Melissa dressed and ready to go, I set about getting myself ready for our dinner excursion. Once I had done my makeup, something I was now becoming particularly skilled in, I pulled open the wardrobe. Looking inside, I was amazed at how much women’s clothing I had now accumulated. But then, that’s Debbie and shopping for you. I found the dress that she had insisted I buy, rather tight. It was a red affair made from some sort of shiny fabric. It wasn’t latex or silk or anything like that, but it felt lovely to wear against my skin and so cool and refreshing, I thought as I pulled it over my curves and then zipped it up my back. Picking up a pair of 4 inch heeled patent shoes with a slight platform, I slipped them onto my feet. I crossed back over to the dresser and sprayed on some Ysatis perfume liberally over my neck and cleavage before a little spritz onto my wrists. The smell of the perfume hung heavy in the air. Dropping the bottle into a small red clutch bag, I put in my cigarettes, lighter, compact, and lipstick.

I descended the stairs in my heels. They clicked along the wooden slats as I came down. Downstairs, I found George and Melissa waiting for me. “You look rather nice.” he complimented me as he looked up from Melissa. I stopped dead in my tracks. Did he just say what I thought he said?

“Eh thanks.” I paused. “Shall we go then?”

“Ok, come on Mel, were off to Auntie Debs for the night.”

“Devvi, Devvi” Melissa called in her high pitched voice as George took her hand and we left the house.

*********

Debbie surprised me with her cooking expertise that night. For someone who is out on the town as much as her, her culinary skills were excellent. After a succulent meal, George and Gavin retired to Gavin’s game room to play some pool while me and Debbie cleaned up and looked after Melissa. As the night drew on, Melissa finally gave in to the exertions of the day and Debbie uncorked a bottle of wine for us to enjoy. We sat back with a cigarette and a cool glass of wine.

“So what are you going to do?” Debbie asked me.

“About what?”

“About George of course! It’s obvious that you would like to be more than just a babysitter,” she spilled.

“Is it now? I don’t really know what I want to do. My mind is in turmoil. I know that Amanda’s not the one for him or Melissa for that matter. But me and him… you’re having a laugh.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Well, for one, he’s not gay. And, in case you’ve forgotten, I’m really a guy.”

“You could always change that.” she countered.

I looked at her face while taking a draw from my cigarette and blowing out a white stream of smoke. She seemed serious about the matter.

“Change?” I asked

“A sex change. Lots of people do it.”

“Well maybe they do, but I’ve not thought about it.” I nervously sipped on some more wine.

“Look Alex. I’m not telling you what to do or putting ideas in your head, but the guy I met those few short months ago was a nice person. The person sitting in front of me now is my wonderful friend and I see no guy. You’ve made George and Melissa a family again it would be a shame to see it come apart if you were not there.”

The door opened at that point, and George and Gavin stepped back in. “Whipped his ass — George.” Gavin laughed as they came in.

“What are you two gossiping about?” Gavin asked as he followed George on in.

“Oh, just our men.” Debbie quipped. I could see a blush spread across George’s face.

“Nothing new there, is there then?” Gavin smiled as he bent down and gave Debbie a kiss.

We sat around chatting for awhile before it was time to go. With Melissa all wrapped up and a cab ordered to take us back to the farm, we sat out on the porch, finishing of our drinks watching the road for our cab.

“Say I’ve got an idea.” Debbie suggested. “Next week is the bank holiday. Why don’t we all go to a theme park for the day?”

“Yeah, why not?” Gavin added.

George interrupted. “I’ve got too much work to do.”

“George you need to take on some more help. Look, Pete’s one of the best young farm hands around. In fact, I wish he worked for me. While Melissa is still young, you should spend more time with her. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Besides when the time is right, and Debbie is pregnant, I’ll be spending more time with her. She’ll probably hate the sight of me by then.” he glanced down at her and gave her a playful hug.

George glanced over at Melissa. “Maybe I should” he whispered and kept on watching her. Just then, a car horn honked out on the driveway.

The drive back to the farm was silent. Once back inside, I took Melissa upstairs and put her to bed. When I came back down, George sat with a glass of whiskey and lemonade.

“You want a drink?”

“Ok, I’ll get it.” I said.

I walked over to the drink cabinet and poured myself a rather large measure of vodka, some coke and a couple of ice cubes. I then joined George in the lounge. We sat mostly in silence with just little comments about how nice Gavin and Debbie’s house was and how good the meal was. Finally, George drained his glass and stood up.

“I’m off to bed. You going up?”

I sat, transfixed for a minute, thinking about what he had just said. I then snapped out of my dream and back to reality.

“Eh, I think I might have another one, and then go up.” I said drinking the last of my drink. I stood up. As I passed George, he admitted, “I had a good night tonight with you and you did look good.”

I paused and didn’t quite know how to respond. Finally, I managed, “Thanks… I had a good time myself as well.”

At that, George leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek.

“Goodnight Alex.”

“Yeah… goodnight.”

I watched him go up the stairs and heard his room door close. I poured myself another drink and sat down, opening my bag and taking out my cigarettes to light one. Three or four more drinks later, and another couple of cigarettes, I was going to bed as well. My brain was in turmoil and had all sorts of thoughts running through it.

Amongst that turmoil, was a single, important question that I was trying to answer: What am I?

“Is it illegal for cousins to become involved?” I blushed and felt the tinge of embarrassment shoot down my spine as I took another draw on the cigarette.
“You mean you and George?”
“Eh, well… maybe.” I stammered.
“You're only half cousin’s aren’t you? Well Yeah and no. It’s not illegal. Unusual, but not illegal. You thinking about making a play for George?”

Healing Cousin George
Part 17 - Family Bonding — Part 1
by Karin Roberts

---

 
The thing about George is that when you put an idea into his head, he just goes off and does it. By the following weekend, two new farmhands were in place: one older guy, just retired, The second guy was a late thirty’s someone Pete new who was an experienced farm hand who had just moved back to the area. The older guy was keen to keep active and although maybe a bit too old for the heavier work he was keen and took on the role of covering most of the driving, collecting supplies etc. So now, with the workforce increased by 200%, it was no surprise that by Saturday, George had already planned the day out.

“Debbie and Gavin still up for Monday?” he asked as we sat down for dinner Saturday evening.

I looked at him. “As far as I know. I’ll call her after dinner to make sure.”

“I was thinking we could make a real day of it. We could get an early morning start, spot of lunch on the way up to the park, and then dinner somewhere on the way back”

“Hey steady on its only last week you were reluctant to take any time off from work. Now you’re planning a whole adventure!” I sniggered at his enthusiasm.

“Well Gavin was right. I thought a lot about it since… you know.” he nodded in my direction.

I acknowledged what he meant - talking about Grace.

He went on “I’ve not spent enough time with Melissa. I’ve been rather been too wrapped up in the farm and my problems. It didn’t take much for the both of you to make me see that I need to take time with her. I have been remiss in being her father.” He looked down at his plate and fiddled a bit with his food.

I saw his guilt gnawing on him. “Least you recognize the problem George. And, it’s not like you were able to do much about it back then. Let’s see how you par as a parent from here forward, and not dwell on the past, ok?”

George kept his eyes down on the plate. “You are right. I’ll give it my best, for Melissa.”

“Well then, I guess it’s a date. I’ll give Debbie a call.”
 

~*~
 
Everything went according to plan. Early Monday morning arrived and I rose to get ready for our day at the theme park. I grabbed a shower, soaping myself liberally with a lovely scented soap. The breast forms and gaffe I had been wearing for weeks now, just seemed like part of my natural body. I momentarily wondered why it was nothing seemed strange or out of place. I was totally comfortable with this being me. Strange. Or is it?

I stepped out of the warm water and picked up a towel, patting myself dry. I brushed my wet hair out and pulled on my dressing gown. Padding back across the hallway, I sat down at the dresser and began to dry my hair.

Over the weeks, I had become accustomed to taking care of my hair. The miracles of cosmetics, with help and advice from Debbie, I was now somewhat proficient in both. I had begun using heated rollers to get some curl into my hair for the day. It had gradually lengthened over the course of the weeks since my last cut and was now quite full. Soon I had mass of curls dropping from my head. I began my makeup, reminding myself that I was just going to a Theme Park for the day and not a night on the tiles with Debbie. So less was more, if you get what I mean.

Using some foundation and powder, I created my canvas to paint on Alex. Two tones of pink eye-shadow blended at the right places with a white at the top corners of each upper lid to brighten my eyes. With mascara and eyeliner out of the way, I filled in my lips with a strong pink lipstick - enough to get noticed but not too much for daywear. I finished off with a matching pink polish for my nails and sat back waiting for them to dry.

Makeup complete, I set about getting dressed for the day after a quick glance out the window to check the weather. It was bright, but not too sunny, so I decided against a dress. Instead, I pulled on a pair of leather trousers I had worn on my night out with Pete. With white underwear already in place, I chose a white lacy blouse. If it turned colder I would need a cardigan or something so I pulled one from the wardrobe and laid it on the bed. I finished off my outfit with a wide leather belt with silver studs which hung loose at my waist slanting down to the left. Walking around a Theme Park was no place for stilettos, but as I had chosen the leather trousers, they were needed. So grabbing a pair of three inch high heels, I slipped them on. Picking up the cardigan, it was time to go and join George and Melissa.

An hour later, with Gavin and Debbie with us, all five of us were in the Land Rover, speeding along the motorway en route to the theme park. Me and Debbie were in the back with Melissa, keeping her occupied. Melissa did seem rather excited and cheerful for the adventure ahead. Gavin was up front, acting as co-pilot, as none of us had ever been there before. Gavin and George made small talk over the new farm hands and how were they fitting in. What did he plan to do with his free time now? How were the arrangements going for the Annual Farmers Ball? Etc.

“Ball?” I asked, perking up my ears.

“Yeah. It’s in about two weeks. Has George not told you about it?” Gavin asked.

“Eh no. He never mentioned it to me”

George cleared his throat. “Well, I was going to. But… I seemed to have forgotten. I wasn’t sure if you would still be here by then, so I never mentioned it.” George sounded a bit embarrassed.

“Oh you need to go!” Debby piped in excitedly. “It’s the event of the year- the one chance for all these country yokels to really put the boat out and dress up!” she giggled.

“Hey! Who’s a yokel?” Gavin playfully exclaimed.

She made a face at him, putting her tongue out in jest.

“No, really, you need to go!” she went on. “George, are you taking Amanda?”

“Well, I am, I suppose.” he replied.

“Well surely, as you’re the organiser this year, you can get Alex a ticket.” Debbie winked at me.

“Eh, I don’t know. I mean, its couples only. I’m not sure I can swing it. I mean it wouldn’t look good, would it?” he squirmed.

I felt a pit in my stomach. “It’s ok. If I can’t go, then I can’t go!” I turned and looked out the window at the passing countryside.

Debbie persisted “Isn’t Archie Spiers wife in hospital? She won’t be using her ticket. Alex could use that one.”

“I’m not sure…” George repeated.

“Yeah she is” Gavin brazened, bolstering Debbie’s attack. “I play golf with him on Sundays. I’ll ask him if it’s ok. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“There, that’s settled then. Alex can come with us so as not to play gooseberry on you and Amanda. But at least she will get to go. And it gives me an excuse for a shopping trip!” she laughed.

“As if you needed one…” Gavin sighed up front.

My thoughts were bouncing between jealousy and being hurt. On one hand, I wanted to go, but I wanted it to be with George. Knowing Amanda would be there with him ate at me. I should be there with him, not her! I should! Damn.

I let out an almost inaudible sigh as I continued watching the scenery flow by through the window. The conversation had been silenced.
 

~*~
 
We pulled into the parking lot of the theme park. George and Gavin got out and went to get Melissa’s buggy from the back in case she got tired later. While Debbie and I climbed out from the back, Melissa was already straining at my hand to get on with her adventure. We purchased day passes for a family and for Debbie and Gavin. Once our bright yellow wrist bands were securely attached to our wrists, it was off to start our day.

We moved from ride to ride, some more daring than others. George, Melissa and I were taking our seats in a variety of small metal cubicles as we were whirred around various rides at varying speeds. Debbie and Gavin were usually close behind us in the next cart.

We had been riding various attractions for just over an hour, when we reached what was probably the largest ride in the park. It had water splash features and loop the loops. That just terrified Debbie.

“Look, you two guy’s go on with Melissa. Me and Alex will watch and have a ciggie” she announced as we approached the ride.

George looked at me “You ok with that?”

“Yeah, its fine by me. You three go and enjoy yourself. I could do with a break.”

The men walked off with Melissa hand in hand between them. Me and Debbie retreated to a bench and sat down. Opening our bags we took out our cigarettes and both lit up.

“Been a good day so far. I’m enjoying it. I think Melissa and George are having fun well.” I smiled as I blew out a small ring of smoke.

“You three really look like a family together.” She commented. I blushed.

“Debbie, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah shoot.”

“Is it illegal for cousins to become involved?” I blushed and felt the tinge of embarrassment shoot down my spine as I took another draw on the cigarette.

“You mean you and George?”

“Eh, well… maybe.” I stammered.

“You're only half cousin’s aren’t you? Well Yeah and no. It’s not illegal. Unusual, but not illegal. You thinking about making a play for George?”

I blushed again. “I don’t know. He seems happy with Amanda, but we all know she’s not right for him. I mean, he’s never given me any encouragement or sign that he’s in the least bit gay or interested in me in that way, yet recently, he’s been a whole lot more attentive and interested in me. It's as if he views me as a woman now.”

“Well there’s only one way to find out. You definitely need to talk to him!”

“I know. But I’m so scared! I don’t want to destroy what I have! I’m so happy here with them and with you as my friend. I’ve never been more comfortable with myself at any time in my life than I am as Alex.”

“Well if you are going to make a move, you need to do it soon.”

We sat in silence, watching the two men and Melissa set off on the ride. Finishing our cigarettes we continued to watch them and laughed at their antics as the ride screamed upwards. Debbie glanced at her watch.

“Me and Gavin need to nip away for an hour or so.” she announced.

“Why” I asked, a bit surprised.

“Well, you see that hotel we passed on the way in?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, we’ve arranged to meet a couple there for a bit of afternoon fun.”

I blushed. “Debby Cairns, you shameless hussy!”

She shrugged her shoulders. “What can I say? We met them at a swinger’s night a few weeks ago. Nothing happened, but they just live up the road and it was too good an opportunity to miss. She’s got a great pair of boobs - so pert! And a great ass I just can’t wait to get my hands on…”

I blushed again. “So do you and the other woman get together?”

“Yeah. Usually starts out that way until the guy’s become involved” she answered, dropping her cigarette on the sidewalk and crushing it out with her shoe.

“So does Gavin ever…?” I stopped.

“What”

“Well… does Gavin ever get involved with the guy’s you know?”

“Not often, but he has done. There was one guy….”

I interrupted her. “Eh too much information! Let’s just leave it there.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the ride coming to an end and George and Gavin lifting Melissa out.

“Eh, well you enjoy.” I said as we stood up.

“We will. We’ll be back in just over an hour. Anyway, you and George need a chance to talk. Now’s a good time as any?” she grinned as we walked towards them.

---

 
To Be Continued...

“Ok I’ll leave it then, you’re are a grown man and Melissa is your daughter so it’s your decision. I just don’t think that after Grace you two should be apart. Ok it’s bound to happen that a good looking guy like yourself would meet somebody else. But just be careful. Neither of you can take another break up. So make sure you make the right choice for the right reason.” I said.

Healing Cousin George
Part 18 - Family Bonding — Part 2
by Karin Roberts

---

 
We wandered along looking for somewhere to grab a snack. George was first to spot the “Bizarre Bar.”

“What about in there” he said as he pointed across the square.

“Looks fine to me” I replied taking a firmer grip of Melissa’s hand we walked towards it.

“Want to get something to eat babes?” I smiled bending slightly towards her.

“No play” she said pulling at my hand.

“Later babes. Me and Dad need a snack.”

“Play” she insisted.

George looked at me “Looks like she’s not hungry, but I could sure do with a coffee and a sandwich.”

Scanning the building I noticed a sign “Look it’s got a crá¨che maybe we could get something while she plays away”

“We could check it out I suppose”

I left Melissa at the door while I went inside to check on the facilities, a waitress stood just inside the door to escort people to a table.

“Eh excuse me, I noticed the sign on the wall it says you have a crá¨che?” I enquired.

“Yeah there’s a full play area just around the corner: trampolines, climbing frames, chutes the works. There are a couple of assistants that will look after the children till you have had your meal.” she answered.

“Eh thanks. Just round there?” I gestured with my hand.

She nodded.

A few minutes later we had left Melissa in the capable hands of one of the Play supervisors. She immediately made a dash for the chute hardly noticing that we had left as we walked back towards the restaurant.

Inside we were seated and gave the waitress our order as we sat facing each other at the table.

I was desperately trying to think of conversation to speak to George about. Well, really about Amanda. Then, he broke the ice for me.

“You’ve been a bit quiet today” he asked.

“Have I?”

“Anything on your mind?” he pressed.

“Eh there is a bit. But you will only get angry or fly of the handle like you usually do” I said as the waitress approached us with our food and drinks.

“I guess it’s about Amanda then…” he sighed.

I nodded.

“God Alex! We’ve been through all this before.” he let loose, casting a gaze out the window as the waitress reached our table.

“That’s just it George. Any time I try to talk to you, you won’t listen! Can I just get a couple of minutes without you going off on one? I promise I won’t ever bring it up again!”

George dropped some sugar into his coffee and lifting up the milk jug, poured some in, “Well if it’s going to lighten your mood a bit and bring an end to it, then go ahead. But I warn you, I won’t have you bad mouthing Manda just for the sake of it.”

I took a deep breath, “Ok. Look, I don’t really know her that well I’ve only met her a couple of times. But I just don’t think that she’s right for you or Melissa. I don’t doubt that she’s attracted to you, I mean you’re a good looking guy.” A blush quickly spread across my face.

I went on “I just think though that she’s not that interested in children or that good with them for that matter. I think that she might want you but not really the family. I can see her getting her feet under the table and then coaxing you to send Melissa away to maybe a boarding school or something, you know one of those private fee schools.”

“So have you any evidence?”

“No, not really. But I know that she went to one and never stops raving about it to people.”

“Who told you that?”

“Debbie mentioned it and I think Pete did at some point as well.”

“Well she did. And yes she did enjoy it, said it was the making of her, character building”

“Yeah that may well be, but would you seriously consider sending Melissa to one, I mean she loves the farm the open air, the freedom, the animals, she needs a family around her and a mother and father to share those thing’s with, not stuck in some dorm somewhere and home for just the holidays.”

“Yeah well maybe you’re right, but she’s never suggested that to me so for the moment she’s not guilty.”

I sighed a bit, last card to play I thought, “Did you know for instance that she made a play for Gavin” I asked.

George looked up from his cup, a look of surprise on his face.

“Yeah that’s right, Debbie smacked her one a while back when she tried to seduce him”

“No I didn’t know but that’s in the past, she’s with me now she would not do that” he replied.

Well I had played my last card so that was it, as much as maybe I had tried to wound the relationship, I think the last little fact had maybe just scratched the surface a bit, because it definitely made George think, but no more.

“Ok I’ll leave it then, you’re are a grown man and Melissa is your daughter so it’s your decision. I just don’t think that after Grace you two should be apart. Ok it’s bound to happen that a good looking guy like yourself would meet somebody else. But just be careful. Neither of you can take another break up. So make sure you make the right choice for the right reason.” I said.

I ate the last of my sandwich and drank the last of my coffee, “Maybe we better get back for Melissa” George said.

“Yeah I suppose we should” I looked at my watch. Debbie and Gavin had been gone for over fifty minutes now hopefully they should be back soon.

We got up and walked out of the diner and around to the play area. Melissa spotted us and darted across the play area to meet us the play assistant close behind her. We reached the gate just as she did.

“Have a nice lunch?” the assistant asked.

“Yeah thanks” George said.

“She’s a lovely child, so full of fun and happiness. She’s a credit to you and you make a lovely family.” the assistant said casting her eyes across the two of us.

“Eh, Eh thanks.” George said as he reached for Melissa’s hand.

“Thanks for taking care of her.” I said as we turned to leave.

“No problem. As I said, you have a lovely child there.”

We managed to take in one more ride before I spotted Gavin and Debbie strutting hand in hand across the Theme Park looking for us. Once more their lifestyle puzzled me. How could they be so in love but share their bodies with others? I thought. But who am I too judge? They are happy and content with their choices and, as Debbie frequently pointed out, what they got up to was no threat to them. We joined them and set off to continue our day.

We managed just a couple more of the attractions before predictably the Scottish weather began to fail and a heavy drizzle began to fall.

George scanned his watch, “It’s just gone 3:30, I thought we could have dinner at Cochranes,” he announced.

“Fab, I love that place!” Debbie exclaimed.

“So you want to head for it now? Seeing’s how as the rain has started…” I asked.

“Yeah let’s go. Meetings always make me hungry” Debbie winked at me. I dissolved into laughter.

“What’s the joke?” George asked.

“Eh nothing. Just a girl thing!” I managed to get out through the giggles.

“Women!” George gave up as we started the trek back to the car.

…………..

It took us about 30 minutes to reach the restaurant. We parked and all got out.

“Me and Alex are going to have a ciggie” Debbie stated as we walked to the restaurant, “You guys go on and get us a table.”

We sat on a wooden table under a parasol outside the restaurant. I pulled my cigarettes out of the bag and offered Debbie one. She took it and we lit up. The rain had passed and you could smell that wet scent of flowers after a shower of rain.

“So how was your meeting?” I asked.

“She laughed great, just as I expected… those boobs and the arse.” She grinned as she dragged on her cigarette and filled the air with a cloud of smoke.

“Yeah ok, ok. Enough. I get the picture”

“Now that would be something to see! Or maybe a video? Hey, maybe I could talk Gavin into it? You know, something to warm us up on long hot winter nights?” she smirked.

“Debbie! You are incorrigible!”

“Hey just! Although, no… maybe not. Too much of a risk.”

“You gonna see them again?” I asked.

“Yeah sure we will. At another party sometime. But it’s not often we get together with the same couple twice. So who knows?” she took another drag on her cigarette. “So what about you? Have a good day? Did you speak to George?”

“Yeah I did. Don’t think it made a great deal of difference, but at least he listened and did not go off on one like he usually does” I replied.

“Well, that’s all you can do. She’s in possession of the ball, as I told you. She’ll need to drop it first before someone else can get their hands on it… or them.”

“Ok, I’ve heard that before. Now let’s go and join the guys” I said as we stood and crushed out our cigarettes in the ashtray and headed back into the restaurant.

After a quite lovely meal, we got home around eight. Melissa was fast asleep by that time and we had dropped off Debbie and Gavin. We turned up the driveway towards the house.

“You know, some of what you said today… well, it made sense.” George admitted as we slowed towards the house.

“So you’re not mad at me?”

“No. It’s your opinion. You might be right. Who knows? Only time will tell, but I will tell you that I won’t ever send Melissa to a boarding school. You were right about that. She needs to grow up right here with me” he said as he pulled on the handbrake.

I pulled off my seatbelt, and to my surprise, I leaned over and went to kiss him on the cheek. He turned slightly and I caught him on the edge of his mouth. I jumped back a bit, surprised.

“I’m sorry… I never meant to…”

He laughed, “Its ok.” He then opened the door and stepped out.

I lifted Melissa out of the rear of the car and followed him up the path and went inside.

“I’ll take Melissa up. She’s exhausted.” I said.

“Ok. I’ll mix us a drink, vodka and coke.”George offered.

“I’ll be down in a minute.” I whispered as I carried Melissa up. I halted after a few steps and turned to face George. “Oh, and George? Thanks for listening.”

I smiled and then carried Melissa to her bed.

---

 
To Be Continued...

          “Oh, but I am going! Didn’t George tell you?” I could see the smile alter instantly as she glared at me from across the table.
          Sensing that I had inflicted a wound, I drove the knife a bit deeper. “Eh who is it? A Mr. Spiers? I think his wife’s in hospital. Anyway, Gavin play’s golf with him so he asked him for his spare ticket and he said it was ok.”
          I could see the look on Amanda’s face go from something between surprise and anger as she looked down into her cup.

Healing Cousin George
Part 19 - The Summer Ball
by Karin Roberts

---

 
Gavin was true to his word and, by the following weekend, my ticket for the Summer Ball had been secured.

“You will need to sit with us and Archie at the meal. The tables are numbered and named. Is that ok?” Debbie asked.

“Yeah, that’s not a problem. Can’t say I would have been all that keen sitting with George and Amanda” I replied.

“How are things on that front? Any change since our day out last week?”

“Well, he’s been really nice to me this week - even insisted on making dinner the other night.” I grinned.

“Keep it up and maybe we will avert the disaster of Amanda getting her feet under the table for good.”

“So I guess the Ball means another shopping trip?” I grinned.

“Eh no. You’ve a lot to learn yet Alex. Remember, this is the event of the year around here. You need a classy dress, one that’s just right for the night. Well, you do if you’re young enough to wear it and we are.”

“So what then?” I was a little confused.

“Well, it’s the kind of outfit you would not wear again, so you rent it. I mean I’ve been to about eight of these now and it’s stupid having eight different dresses that you’ll never wear again lying in a wardrobe.”

“I suppose so… Where do we rent them?”

“Look, don’t you worry about that. I know your size and I know just the place on the net to rent something for the both of us. You just continue to do what you’re doing at home and I’ll take care of the clothes. Besides, it will be a surprise. And, you will be coming with us and not keeping George and Amanda company on the drive over.”

“Yeah I suppose so.” I sighed.

“What are you going to do about Melissa?” Debbie remembered.

“Eh? I suppose I will need to call Mum and see if she can take her for the night.”

“How do you think that will go down if you tell her you’re going to a ball?”

“Eh I’m not sure. Maybe I won’t tell her… I’ll call her later today.” I sounded a little dejected.

“Well, if you are really struggling, I can probably rustle up a babysitter from in town.” she offered.

“Thanks. We’ll see.”

“Look, I better go. I’ll see you tomorrow for a work out and a bit of lunch, ok?” Debbie jabbed at me.

“Yeah fine. See you then.” With that, Debbie hung up the phone.

The Ball was only two weeks away and I was getting excited and worried at the same time already.

…………..

The next morning, I called Mum.

“Mum it’s me, Alex. I need to ask you a favour”

“Which is…?” she inquired.

“I need to go to an interview with the Education Board just to sort out some details over the date for me taking up post. Could you maybe have Melissa for the weekend,” I lied.

“When?”

“Eh the weekend after next. I need to get changed and fixed up Friday. The interview’s on Monday, so you would need to bring her back Tuesday.” I sorted on the fly.

“What about George? Can’t he manage?”

“Eh no, it’s the Farmers Union Summer Ball that weekend, George is doing a lot of the organising so he will be rushed off his feet. Please Mum?” I begged.

“Ok. Dad and Ashley will be pleased to see her anyway. I’ll need to pick her up Thursday night though because I have a doctor’s appointment Friday.”

“Thank you so much Mum! You know I love you!” Even better than I thought! I thought to myself. That gives me and Debbie even more time to prepare for the ball.

“We’ll see, Alex.” She laughed.

“Thanks, and see you later Mum.” I made a kissing sound and hung the phone up.

The next few days flew past by and the weekend arrived. Things were all pretty much set for the Ball. George had been working most of the week on the final details with caterers: the company provided the bar and the band that had been hired to provide entertainment for that night.

The Saturday night before, me and George were sitting, chatting over a coffee after dinner when the door opened and Amanda slinked in, dressed in a smart skirt and blouse with immaculate makeup.

“You’re not ready yet?” she snided incredulously as she approached us.

George looked up a bit bemused.

“You forgot didn’t you? We are going for a drink with my boss and his wife?” she said, sounding a bit exasperated by it all.

“Oh babe! It just slipped my mind” George panicked as he got up and kissed her on the lips. “I’ll be five minutes! I’ll grab a wash and change!” he hurried up the stairs.

Amanda looked directly at me. I think she liked the thought of treating me like the hired help. It gave her some kind of power kick. Obediently, I got up to make her a cup of coffee. I took out a mug and dropped some coffee granules in it just as the water came to a boil.

“Milk or sugar?” I chimed as I poured the hot water in.

“Nothing. Just black. I need to keep my figure in check for the big night next week.” She mean-spiritedly jabbed at me as I carried her cup back towards her.

“You should see the dress I have for next week - it’s stunning. I mean, I so need to make a good impression if I’m on the arm of the organiser,” she went on.

“Yeah I suppose” I disinterestedly answered as I set the cup down in front of her.

She took a sip. “You know, it’s such a pity you can’t go. I mean you’ve been here for months now and to miss the event of the year in these parts would be such a shame” she smiled a bit wicked at me. “But then again, it’s more suited to couples. So I guess you would feel out of place.”

“Oh, but I am going! Didn’t George tell you?” I could see the smile alter instantly as she glared at me from across the table.

Sensing that I had inflicted a wound, I drove the knife a bit deeper. “Eh who is it? A Mr. Spiers? I think his wife’s in hospital. Anyway, Gavin play’s golf with him so he asked him for his spare ticket and he said it was ok.”

I could see the look on Amanda’s face go from something between surprise and anger as she looked down into her cup.

“It’s ok though. I’m going with Debbie and Gavin so I won’t be cramping your style. You will still have George all to yourself.” I reassured her as I could hear George begin to come down the stairs.

“Eh right.” She got up as George rushed back into the kitchen.

“You ready to go babe?” George looked Amanda over and leaned in to kiss her.

“Yes I am.” she lovingly answered as she wrapped her arms around his waist and accepted George’s kiss. A pang of jealously shot down my spine.

“Ok let’s go. I’ll drive, you can have a drink. Maybe stay over?” he said putting his arm round her shoulders.

“Maybe…” she vexingly left open as they got to the door.

“See you later Alex!” George called back as they exited.

“Yeah… see you later.” I replied as I got up and carried the dishes to the sink.

Peering out of the kitchen window, I could see them walking towards the car. George’s arm had gone from Amanda’s shoulder as she gestured back towards the house in what seemed like an almost frantic manner, chattering away in his ear as they reached the car.

A smile crept across my lips as they drove off.

---

 
To Be Continued...

I reached for the door handle and stopped. Turning around, I kissed George on his cheek.

His hand went to his cheek in surprise.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“Oh… just for being you. And for giving me the chance of tomorrow night.”

Healing Cousin George
Part 20 - Preparations
by Karin Roberts

---

 
The week passed by slowly with me and Debbie’s daily routine seeming somewhat mundane as my excitement built towards attending the Ball this coming weekend. Debbie’s chatter was all around the dress: you know, that one that I had not even seen yet, how good of a time we were going to have, etc., etc.

At last, Thursday arrived and I felt like we were finally getting somewhere. Earlier in the afternoon I had packed a bag for Melissa. I had prepared her for an already promising great adventure at her Gran’s, so like me, she was a bundle of excitement! Mum arrived just before the night’s tea.

“I see your still Alex. Isn’t about time you got changed?” Mum fussed, eyeing me carefully.

“Eh, Saturday Mum. I’m going over to Debbie’s to change, then go for my interview and come back Monday night.”

“What about your hair and all that? It’s so long now, and the colours different. And those nails…” she said pointing to my long acrylic extensions.

“Don’t fuss Mum. Debbie’s got it all covered. I’ll be fine” I replied.

“I hope so, where’s George?” she asked.

“Oh he’s got a meeting tonight to go over the final details of the Ball. He won’t be back too late.” I finished, finally relaxing.

Melissa came charging into the room at that point.

“Hi babes, you all ready for your trip?” I grinned and made a face at her. Melissa broke out in a smile and nodded.

“I’ll get her bag,” I said rising from the table as I went upstairs and grabbed the suitcase I had prepared for Melissa and headed back down to the kitchen.

Mum placed Melissa’s small delicate hand inside of hers. “I suppose we had better get going then darling,” she stated, looking down at Melissa as we headed outdoors.

Once we had reached the car, I popped open the boot and put Melissa’s case inside while Mum secured her in the child seat in the back. I popped my head in just before the door was closed and kissed Melissa on the cheek.

“You be good for Gran babes! I’ll see you Tuesday, I’m… I’m gonna miss you” I tried to hold back my tears, but somehow they found their way out and I hugged her. Melissa’s arm had snaked around my shoulders and she was hugging me back to her. I stepped back and closed the door. Mum was already seated with the window down.

“You know Alex, I don’t quite believe you about this weekend. But, you must have some reason for not wanting Melissa around. But hey! You’ll probably tell me in your own time. Take care hon.”

“I will Mum… and thanks,” I smiled, a bit sad at not having Melissa around, as the car engine started and Mum began to back away.

Back in the house, I lit up a cigarette and poured myself a glass of wine. The house was painfully quiet without Melissa. Tomorrow was going to be a long day without her. I winced at the thought and turned my mind to other things.

Soon after George arrived home and I set out his dinner and chatted while he ate.

“She get off ok?” he asked.

“Yeah no problem. Melissa was really excited about it too, but I miss her already,” I replied rather glumly.

“Yeah… so do I. Look, Alex, it’ll only be a couple of days though.”

“If you don’t mind, I was going to stay at Debs tomorrow night. Then we can have all day Saturday to get ready.”

“Fine by me. You’re really looking forward to this, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. I just wish Debs would tell me what the damn dress looked like!”

“Listen to you!” he laughed.

………….

The next morning I was up early and showered. I was hoping to catch Debbie before she left to collect our dresses. I picked up the phone and dialed. Several rings passed, then the sounds of the receiver being picked up were heard.

“Debs? It’s me. You’ve not left yet?”

“Well, I wouldn’t be answering the phone if I had, now would I?” she sarcastically replied.

“Funny. Look, I was really wondering if I could come with you.”

A pause. “No”

“Oh go on! Let me come with you. I mean… look, it might not fit.”

“Alex you’ve been fishing about this dress for days now, so you can just wait another day. Besides, how many times have we been shopping? I think I know your size by now.”

“Oh Debs!” I whined.

“No! You’re not coming.”

“You witch!” I snarled.

“Aren’t I just? I’ll see you tonight about eight ok”

“Yeah I suppose.” I paused for a second. “You sure I still can’t come?”

“No Alex! Goodbye!”

The phone clicked, and I hung up the handset. Damn! My plan had failed.

“I guess I just need to wait” I said to myself while lighting a cigarette and settling down on the couch. Without my little princess to look after, I was like a lost sheep. For the rest of the afternoon, I was looking for things to do: I tidied cupboards that didn’t need it, I washed windows that were fine, and swept floors that were spotless just aching for something to do and time to pass. Gradually, it did. By early evening and dinner over, I left George watching TV as I went to pack my overnight bag. I packed a fresh skirt for in the morning, a white tie front blouse, and a pair of low kitten heels. I dropped in some toiletries and some makeup and I was ready to go.

Back downstairs, I shook George gently, who had just nodded off.

“Can you give me a quick run over to Deb’s?” I asked.

“Yeah sure. Let me get the keys and I’ll take you over.”

I stood in the kitchen waiting as George collected the Landrover keys. Soon we were on our way, me chatting away in the car. In what seemed like minutes we were pulling into the driveway in front of Debbie’s farm house. George braked and the Landrover came to a stop.

“You coming in?” I asked, looking at George.

“Ummm, no thanks. I think I’ll just go home and get an early night. I’ve a few thing’s to tie up tomorrow before the ball” he replied.

“Ok…” I was slightly disappointed again.

“Give Debs and Gavin my love. Tell Gavin I’ll meet him in the village tomorrow at ten. He’s helping me with the something”

“Ok I will” I said as I reached for the door handle and stopped. Turning around, I kissed George on his cheek.

His hand went to his cheek in surprise.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“Oh… just for being you. And for giving me the chance of tomorrow night.” I opened the door.

“You’re really that excited about tomorrow?”

“I am.” I admitted.

“Alex, you’ll be fine. You will have a great time. Now sleep well and I’ll see you tomorrow night. Oh! And Alex…” he continued as I turned.

“Yes?”

“Calm down!”

I pulled a face as he started up the engine and began to back away. I almost ran up the steps as the taillights of the Landrover faded away.

…………

Debbie woke me early the next morning.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“Just gone eight thirty,” she said. “You need to be up and showered. The hairdresser is due at ten.”

“Hairdresser? What hairdresser?”

“Yeah silly. No-one goes to a Ball without getting their hair and nails done. Now get dressed and I’ll meet you downstairs after your shower.”

Half an hour later as me and Debbie enjoyed a coffee and a cigarette, the hairstylist and her assistant arrived. Debbie went first as they attacked her hair with venom, restyling it in a bob cut and removing her acrylic extensions before refitting fresh longer nails.
Soon it was my turn. I sat patiently as the girl worked on my hair. Her assistant set about doing my nails as well.

Around lunchtime, we were both finished. As the girls packed up, we inspected the results in the hall mirror.

“What do you think?” Debbie asked, striking a pose in the mirror.

“You look different, but no less gorgeous.” I admitted. She blew a kiss in the mirror at me.

“What did she do to my hair?” I played with the cascade of thick luscious curls that fell onto my shoulders and curled onto the top of my back.

“She just fitted you with some new extensions. Don’t worry. They come out quite easy and you’ll never notice that you have them.”

I looked at my nails.

“And these are just positively talons…” I stared at the long sharp sculptured nails.“I’ll be lucky if I can pick anything up at all.” I worried as Debbie admired her new nail extensions as well.

“Well I’ll be pulling these down Gavin’s back early tomorrow morning.” she smirked.

“Too much information!” I retorted as the hairstylist and her assistant joined us in the hallway.

……………

The rest of the afternoon was pretty boring really as we sat around waiting for the Ball. I protested my hunger mid afternoon as my stomach thought my throat was cut.* Debbie insisted that we do not eat, promising that we were in for a feast at the Ball tonight. Around four, Gavin returned and the three of us sat around the table with a coffee, killing time.

Finally, Debbie announced that it was time to get ready and the two of us flew up the stairs to start our makeup. At last! I would get to see the dress that Debbie had ordered for me! Butterflies floated around my stomach as we stripped off and changed into our underwear. The first hint of what my dress was going to be like was Debbie’s insistence on wearing a strapless bra. So with a matching black strapless bra and cute black lacy panty, I sat down and began to work on my face. Debbie had taught me well, and soon a sexy smouldering look was appearing as I finished off my face with a deep burgundy lipstick.

I gleamed at the sight in front of me in the mirror, one that I had become familiar with over the last couple of months. The old Alex was gone. In front of me was a woman, beautiful and unrecognisable from the old male me that had appeared at the farm months ago. The transition had been not without its problems, but secretly behind it all, I really loved being this Alex and being a woman. The friendship I had with Debbie, the closeness with Melissa and my life with George were all new, but they were relationships I hoped that would go on forever.

“Hey dreamer!” Debbie called. My head snapped back to reality.

“Time to put you out of your misery and let you see this dress.”

I got up and followed her to the closet. She opened the door and pulled out a hanger a zipped with a protective cover covering what was underneath. She unzipped it in a provocative manner, humming a familiar stripper tune as she did so.

“Get on with it Debs!” I chastised.

Finally it was uncovered. A slight tear formed in my eye, not because I was disappointed, but because I was thrilled with her choice.

“Oh Debbie! It’s fabulous!”

“Told you so! Now let’s get it on.” she laughed as she took the hanger out from the straps.

The dress was full length; black layered lace with a split running high up the front, the bodice was a shiny silver with thin solid silver metallic spaghetti straps. I stepped into it, luxuriating in its feel. It literally hugged my body as I pulled it upon myself. I slipped my arms through the straps just as a slight chill from the metal clasps zinged me with, running goosebumps all over my body. Debbie, behind me, began to zip it up. I felt the fabric contract and compress my body. Fully zipped up, the back fell to just below my shoulder blades. I stepped back to witness Debbie’s creation — me.

“You like it?” she asked.

“I love it!” I turned and surprised Debbie by hugging her tightly.

After a few moments, I released her with tears in my eyes. She returned the embrace.

“Eh, enough with the waterworks girl. There are shoes in there as well and a pair of evening gloves. Put them on while I get dressed.”

The shoe box contained a pair of killer heels about five inches high, black with silver metal heel. I slipped them on and walked around getting used to their feel before pulling on the tight black evening gloves which moulded to my arms. Soon Debbie was ready and dressed in her own stunning gold shiny dress which was as tight as it could be. Debbie picked out some jewelry for herself and loaned me some for the night as well. Tossing me a black leather clutch purse, we filled our purses with the necessities for the night. With a black fur short jacket for me, also provided by Debbie, we headed off downstairs to find Gavin.

We both walked into the lounge where Gavin was seated, dressed in a Tuxedo.“Well look at this…” he wolf whistled in our direction.

“Hey Debbie? You want to stay home tonight and do some knitting? I’ll take Alex to the Ball.”

I blushed.

“Shut it buster, otherwise you won’t get lucky tonight.” Debbie growled as she bent down and planted a light kiss on his mouth.

“A drink before we go?” asked Debbie.

“Ok ladies, what will it be?” Gavin asked.

“Eh glass of white wine will do me.” I replied.

“Same here, let’s have a seat.” Debbie joined me.

Gavin scuttled off to pour our drinks. Debbie opened her bag and took out her cigarettes, offering me one. I took it and we both lit up.

“You looking forward to tonight?” Debbie questioned me.

“Yeah… I am.” I said blowing a cloud of smoke high towards the ceiling. I let certain fantasies of George and how the evening might go cross my mind as I stared into the cloud of smoke.

“It should be an interesting night.” Debbie finished. What she didn’t know at that point though, was just how interesting it would get!

"I’m sorry George." I said. It was the only response I could think of.

"What have you got to be sorry about? You got what you wanted!" Anger appeared in his tone of voice.

"I never meant for anything like what happened tonight to happen. You’ve got believe me!"

"Well it did didn’t it?" He picked up the whisky glass and hurled it across the room. It smashed into varying sized pieces onto the floor against the wall opposite me.

"George…" I nervously tried to say something. Fear was gripping me as I realized he might turn his violence onto me.

Healing Cousin George
Part 21 - Final Chapter - True Colours
by Karin Roberts

---

 
The Taxi dropped us of right outside of the main doors of the hall. Gavin offered each one of us his arm as we both took one before stepping into the foyer.

"There’s Archie over there," Debbie gestured over towards an older man by the cloakroom. She waved him over towards us.

"Hi Gavin, Debbie… this must be Alex!" he smiled, offerring me his hand. I hesitated for a moment and then took it. Without warning, he turned turned my hand over and brought it up to his mouth where his lips gently brushed the back of my hand. Goosebumps popped up all along my arm as a small shiver went down my neck.

"Eh, p-pleased to meet you," I managed to stammer out. I couldn’t believe I was blushing as he released his grip on my hand.

"Thanks very much for the ticket!" I politely commented.

He smiled a toothy grin. "Not a problem my dear… it would just have just gone to waste otherwise. As it is now, It has gone to something… er someone, more beautiful."

"How is your wife, Archie?" Debbie asked.

"Coming along very well dear. She should be out in a couple of weeks. We’ll need to take it easy once she is out, but otherwise she will be fine."

"That’s good!" Debbie said.

"So, should we go and get seated?" Gavin asked Debbie.

"Yeah let’s. Me and Alex will check in our coats and join you there."

"Here take this dear." Archie said as he handed me a ticket.

"Thank you." I replied.

"Ok Archie, let’s get you a drink." Gavin started as the two of them headed into the ballroom.

Me and Debbie checked in our coats and then went into the ladies room.

"What time is George and the witch getting here?" Debbie hushedly asked.

"Eh, around eight I imagine."

"Well, just ignore her for the night and enjoy yourself. Maybe you’ll get lucky?" A grin spread spread across her face.

"Yeah right! ~ as If I would want to!" I rolled my eyes briefly to get her laughing. "Now let’s go get a drink."

We joined Gavin and Archie at our table, glasses of wine already on hand at each setting. I quickly scanned the hall. Looking about, I recognised a few faces from the village, but by and large most were strangers to me. The band played light background music, entertaining the guests.

"What are we waiting on?" I asked Debbie.

"Oh, the organiser. He has to make a speech first." she replied.

"George is going to make a speech?"

"Yeah, it’s tradition." Debbie said "Oh look there he is." Debbie pointed as a ripple of applause began to sound from around the room as he climbed towards the small podium.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the twentieth Irvine & District Farmers Ball…."

He went on thanking several people for their help and assistance: the caterers for their work, the band and local business’s who had sponsored a prize raffle after dinner, etc.

"……So ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your attention and I do hope that you all have a fabulous evening." He stepped away from the mic and headed towards his table amid the applause. I could see Amanda. She had arisen, dressed in a leopard skin print dress which looked a bit too tight on her, and leaned in to kiss George as came over. They kissed briefly and then sat down.

"Mutton dressed as lamb!" Debbie swore under her breath as waiters and waitress’s appeared, taking orders for everyone’s meals.
 

~*~
 
The meal was a sumptuous affair: fresh Scottish Salmon or Beef, wonderfully cooked, with appetising starters and sweets should you want one. Debbie had been right about not eating that day. It had been a bonus and, with full stomachs, we sat back having our coffee as tables were being cleared. The raffle then commenced. George, with Amanda by his side, drew tickets for the prizes. As Debbie had said, she did look a touch tarty in the short dress and high heels, but then, "so what?" I thought. I watched the draw come to a close.

With all the formalities over, the serious side of the night got under way as the band kicked up the tempo and the dancing began. I wasn’t short of partners either as Archie and Gavin saw to it that I was up to dance on several occasions, combined with a couple of other dances from men from our adjacent table. My feet were beginning to ache with the strain of the prolonged dancing. I mean, I had become adept at walking in heels, but dancing all night? That was a different thing altogether.

I looked up just as George approached our table.

"You enjoying yourselves?" he asked as he stopped beside Archie.

"That we are, son" Archie replied, a little worse for wear. "You’ve done us proud!" he boasted as he lifted his glass to take another drink.

George looked at me and smiled.

"You ok Alex?"

"Yeah fine. My feet hurt a bit from all the dancing, but I’ve enjoyed the night so far."

"George, isn’t about time you took your cousin up for a spin?" Debbie added.

"Eh I don’t know. Amanda’s over there," he nervously replied.

"Oh for god’s sake George! It’s just a dance! I mean she’s only been looking after your child for months now!"

He flushed a bit with embarrassment. "Well… I suppose… if she wants to."

I glanced over at Debbie and she gestured towards the floor with her eyes.

"Well ,I suppose one more won’t hurt." I quietly acceeded, getting up and extending my hand to George. He took it and led me out onto the floor as the band started playing "I’ve Had the Time of My Life" from Dirty Dancing.

We moved into the centre of the floor as other dancers joined us. We began to move to the rhythm of the music, George’s arm around my waist. I was close to him and could smell the aftershave he had on and feel the heat from his arms and body as we swayed around to the music.

"That was a good speech you gave." I complimented him as we danced.

"Thanks. That took me ages to write it. You know how good I am with words" he grinned at me.

"Yeah I must say, it surprised me that you were doing it." I giggled. We continued to weave our way around the floor. An instance occurred where his legs had parted and mine accidentally slid between his on a turn. "What’s that?" I thought, as I met his thigh, "was it?… was it…" A slight blush appeared on my face and then his. George had had an erection. My blush deepened as the music began to die. We looked into each other’s eyes and became lost for what seemed like hours. Only then, we noticed the music had stopped and we both broke our embrace. I looked up.

"George… um… thanks for the chance to do all of this."

"No Alex. It’s I who should be thanking YOU for all the help that you have been with Melissa. I mean that."

I leaned forward and kissed his left cheek. A slight smudge of lipstick appeared on his cheek where I had just kissed him as I moved back.

"Thanks for that dance George. I loved it." I lowered my eyes as I turned and made my way back towards our table.

"Debbie I need a cigarette. Now. Come with me? Please?" I begged as I picked up my handbag and she got up to head with me towards the door.

Outside I opened up my bag and took out my cigarettes. I opened the packet and took two out, handing one to Debbie. I pulled out my lighter and we both lit up. We inhaled the menthol fumes before letting the blue white smoke sail into the night as we exhaled.

We had been out there in the smoking shelter for less than a minute when Amanda stormed over towards us with a stern look on her face.

"What the HELL was that all about?" she demanded as she got up right in my face.

"Sorry? You’ve lost me?" I innocently replied.

"That KISS! You little SLUT!"

"Amanda , that kiss was nothing. Just a friendly peck on the cheek."

"Yeah right! You’ve been angling to get into George’s bed ever since you got here."

"Look Amanda, I don’t want to fight with you! I know we don’t see eye to eye over Melissa, but I’m not out to break you two up!"

"Keep Melissa out of it!" she yelled.

"Amanda, how can we? She’s George’s daughter for Crissakes! She’s the most important thing in his life!"

"That’s where you’re wrong dear… I am." she sneered.

"Well you might think that, but I know different."

That last comment seemed to rile her even more than the kiss had. I took a long drag form the cigarette and exhaled. I could see the hatred blazing in her eyes.

"Once me and George are married and Melissa is at the Boarding School, thing’s will be different. You’ll be gone and it will be just me and him."

"I think you might be making a mistake there with that assumption Amanda." I said.

"Mistake, mistake. What the hell are you talking about you slut? He’s mine! End of subject. The boarding school will be the making a fine lady of Melissa. She’ll come back all proper and prim. Something that you couldn’t ever much less be."

"Oh is that right? And shouting and bawling in the street obviously makes you a lady? Hardy har har!" I could see Debbie sniggering a bit out of the corner of my eye as she took a drag from her cigarette and crushed it out in the ashtray.

"Oh and another thing?" I continued. "What makes you so sure that George will send Melissa to the boarding school?"

"He will! We’ve talked about it. He would do anything for me!" she angrily leered.

"Oh is that right Amanda?" George’s voice emerged from behind her and the shelter. I could see Debbie starting to laugh as her hands went to her face to cover it. "I don’t recall "talking about it" or "agreeing to anything." he went on.

"Nuts. George honey, it will be good for her. It was the making of me and it will give us some time together to be on our own."

"In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a father. We come as a package: me and my daughter together. You’re not Melissa’s mother. I make the calls."

"Yeah, but what about us? We need time together, just the two of us. Not with a little brat around all the time."

She stopped, her hands going to her mouth, realising what she had just said. George looked at her angrily. If looks could kill, she would have died right there that very minute. He struggled with his hand clenching and unclenching it and then I saw him remove the ring Amanda had bought him and threw it out in the parking lot with a familiar ting sound of metal striking concrete as it bounced several times.

Silence. The air was so thick with tension you could slice it.

"Oh George! I didn’t mean it!" she began crying as he turned and walked away from her.

"George come back! We need to talk!"

"It’s over Amanda! Finished!"

He rounded the corner towards the taxi stance.

I never saw it coming, but I felt it. Amanda must have turned and, before I knew what was happening, my cheek and that side of my head exploded in pain! A ringing started in my ears as a loud crack resounded. Amanda’s open palm connected with my cheek.

"You fucking whore! You set this up, didn’t you? Didn’t YOU!" she screamed.

As my hand went to the side of my face "I- I didn’t." was all I could say before her other hand connected with the other side of my face. She turned and stormed off after George. As I stood there, all I could hear was Debbie saying "Bye Amanda" through the ringing in my ear. Both Debbie and me looked at each other.
 

~*~
 
"You ok?" Debbie asked as she gripped my arm.

"Eh yeah. I’ll be fine." I answered. A slight tear rolled down my cheek. "I need a cigarette though."

Debbie opened her bag and handed one to me. She offered me a light and I took it. I could feel the heat in my jaws where Amanda had struck me. I pulled on the cigarette.

"That’s gonna bruise." Debbie winced as she pulled my hair back a bit to examine the red blotch that was there.

"I really never knew he was there!" I protested, a slight sob in my voice.

"I know dear. I know." Debbie pulled me to her and hugged me. We sat on the small ledge in the shelter for a minute or so while I smoked my cigarette. As I crushed it out, Debbie spoke up. "Let’s get you back inside and touch up your makeup and get a drink to calm our nerves." She took my hand and led me back inside the hall.

In the Ladies Room, we both touched up our makeup. My ears were still ringing and the skin on my cheek felt hot and stung. Debbie gently moved my chin from side to side.

"There’s quite a red mark there," Debbie noted as she showed me in the mirror where you could clearly see where the second impact had been.

"Maybe I should just go home. I mean, I don’t want to cause you any embarrassment." I moaned.

"It’s up to you babes. It’s your night. If you go home, Amanda might be there and it will start all over again," she shrugged her shoulders.

"I need to face her some time. That, and well, and George."

"I suppose. As I said, it’s up to you."

Five minutes later, after saying my goodbyes to both Archie and Gavin, I was in a taxi and heading for home. What Debbie had said was right. Amanda might be there, but I needed to face her sometime. Maybe I could put things right between her and George? I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help but feel that a lot of this was my fault. My stomach tightened as the taxi pulled into the driveway and rolled on up the gravel road towards the Farmhouse. I could see a light in the conservatory and the kitchen as we approached. Somebody was home. But who?

The cab pulled away and the evening chill settled on me. I shivered and pulled the jacket tighter around me as I walked towards the porch. I tried the door and to my surprise, it was open. Pushing it away from me I stepped inside. George was sitting at the kitchen table, a bottle of whiskey in front of him and one empty glass.

"Amanda here?" I timidly asked as I shut the door quietly.

"She was!" he exasperatingly replied, looking down at the table.

"I’m sorry George." I said. It was the only response I could think of.

"What have you got to be sorry about? You got what you wanted!" Anger appeared in his tone of voice.

"I never meant for anything like what happened tonight to happen. You’ve got believe me!"

"Well it did didn’t it?" He picked up the whisky glass and hurled it across the room. It smashed into varying sized pieces onto the floor against the wall opposite me.

"George…" I nervously tried to say something. Fear was gripping me as I realized he might turn his violence onto me.

"What?! Those are my drinking glasses!"

"I know you are upset, I…."

"Upset?Upset is it? I feel like a bloomin’ idiot!"

Determined to calm my nerves, I went towards the drink cabinet and took out a bottle of vodka and poured myself one, tipping with some coke. I took a swig. Opening my bag I took out my cigarettes and lit one up. Placing the lit cigarette safely in the ashtray, I walked to the sink, crouching I opened the door underneath and took out a small brush and dustpan. I crossed the room to where the glass had struck the wall and began to sweep up the shattered container. I must have looked a bit ridiculous in a stunning evening gown, with long evening gloves and high heels as I swept up the broken glass. Confident I had gotten it all, I deposited the fragments into the waste bin.

Back at my drink, I took a swig, swallowing it all before taking a drag from my cigarette. I was considering whether I should say anything or not. The silence that was between us for some minutes was broken by George’s voice.

"So are you not going to say I told you so?" George looked at me, seeking an answer.

"No. I’m not taking any pleasure out of this George. But I won’t lie and say that I think it’s in Melissa’s best interest." I expected him to launch a volley back and steeled myself for the worst.

"Yeah. Well you might be right there. Can I have another glass please?" Even in his slightly drunk state, his manners stayed with him this time.

"Only if you promise not to throw it?"

"Deal."

I picked up another glass, my ashtray, and my own drink before carrying them all over to the table beside George. I placed his glass on the table in front of him and then sat down.

"You know… the pain will pass." I softly spoke. I had to make an opening and allow him to vent some of the pain out of him if it was possible to do so. He grunted a bit as he poured some of the amber liquid into the glass before taking a swig.

"I’m still going to be here George. For you. For Melissa." I Stretched out my black nylon gloved hand and covered his free hand, squeezing gently.

He looked down at the glass then my hand, "Yeah, well I suppose Melissa will still have you around and she’ll love that. But Alex… at some point… you need to go back to your own life! Where does that leave us then? I’ll be back on my own with Melissa."

I picked up my cigarette took a drag on it and exhaled the smoke high above me. "It doesn’t have to be like that," I offered.

"Oh is that right? How come?"

"Well… I could stay."

"Don’t be ridiculous Alex!" He slid his chair back and stood up. He walked over to the window and began to stare up into the night sky.

"No really! I could" I repeated. I got up and walked towards him. I leaned into him along his back resting my head on his shoulder.

He turned his head looking at me. "What like this?" he said pointed at my arm which draped on top of his.

"Yeah." I breathed. "Why not?"

"Because what would your Mum say? Your Dad even? What about your job?" George listed as his voice was calming. I knew that I was having an effect on him as I could feel his muscles relaxing some.

I slid over to the worktop counter beside him and leaned half sitting on it facing George. "I already have a job." I stated.

George studied my face for a moment. "You do? What job?"

"Looking after you and Melissa." I paused to let my words sink into him. "You know George…Melissa means the world to me. I love her like she was my own. T-t-to me, an-and I…" I stopped. My voice was cracking squeakily and I felt water dribbling down my cheeks.

"You what?" George curiously prodded.

I felt my mouth quivering and knew this was the moment of truth. I braced myself and started to move my mouth.

"I- I love you. I-I-I l-love you to!"

Time froze.

A strange look of puzzlement took over his face.

"You what?" he softly asked again.

I lowered my head and cried.

"I love you."

He stepped up in front of my and using his right hand, gently lifted my head up under my chin to look at me.

I unclenched my eyes and straightened myself trying to regain some of my composure. I looked right into his eyes and was determined to say it.

"George what do you see when you look at me?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" George was really lost on this. I could see the confusion in his eyes.

"Well? Do you see the Alex who came here or do you see the Alex that’s here now? A woman, if not totally yet in body, she is one in mind and spirit! The one who loves your daughter? The one would do anything for her? The one…" I stepped forward just an inch or two and was right in front of him looking into his eyes as my lips were near level to his chin, "…that loves her father and… the one that wants us to be a family."

"This is crazy you know? It would never work." he slowly tried to formulate the situation, seriously considering it.

"It’s worked so far hasn’t it? You do find me attractive as Alex don’t you?" I slowly took his hands and placed them on both of my sides. "What I mean is…I’ve felt your reaction that night at Aunt Karen’s…and tonight when we danced." I moved a bit closer I could feel his breath on my face, my heart was beating faster than I had ever known it to.

"I -I don’t know."

"You don’t know what?" I breathed again. "Whether it would work… or whether you are attracted to me… or not?" My hands moved around behind him and I slowly pulled up close to him, our bodies touching.

"Don’t you feel it George? We are a family. We are good together. Together we can give Melissa everything she wants, all the love she needs." My head was slightly dizzy from my feelings for George and I felt the soft warmth of his lips on mine. I closed my eyes to savor it. George did not pull back. I opened my eyes and looked up again at him.

"But, but what would everyone say?" he stammered.

"I don’t really care. I know what I want. I want you and Melissa and I want us to all be together as a family."

Our lips connected again. This time, I felt George lean into it some. Yielding to an animalistic need, my body had pushed flush beside his as I could feel the start of an erection in his groin. I glanced down, just a bit, but enough to let him know that I had noticed. He pulled back softly again.

"But it’s not right. It’s…"

I pulled him to me again. My lips lingered with this kiss a bit, seeking a reaction from George. At first he resisted, letting our lips dance a bit with touching and pushing. Finally, he let his lips part slightly, and my tongue darted in. An intense familial emotion of love had gripped me! I felt his passion stir and yielded to it. His hardness grew more as my hands began to massage his buttocks. George reciprocated as his hands found mine. He gently squeezed and fondled them as I pressed myself into him. The passion felt like it had lasted forever, till it finally broke with George stepping back a bit. Taking his strong hand, he enclosed both of my dainty gloved hands.

"Let’s go upstairs dear… before I change my mind." George huskily offered. Smiling and flush with desire I readily nodded.

He led me across the kitchen. A smile crept over my face as I flicked the light switch at the bottom of the stairs plunging the kitchen into darkness. I squealed as I found myself being lifted up into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I felt the motion of him carrying me upstairs.
 

~*~
 
Alex’s Diary:
 
I’m sure there are a lot of you who have been reading this tale who are eagerly waiting to know what happened that night? Well the answer is - not very much. Sure we exchanged a few kisses and fell asleep in each other’s arms… but there was no real intimacy.

That was eight years ago. Yes, we are still together. It took awhile for the intimacy of our relationship to develop. It took around six months indeed, then one night we both got drunk. It was Debbie’s suggestion really. Get him a bit tipsy wear something ultra sexy and how could he resist? Well it worked! How can I describe it? That first time that I felt his hardness in my mouth, the heat of his member as my lips slipped up and down the shaft… words seem to fail me here. The exhilarating feeling I felt as his lust overtook him and his cock exploded in my mouth. The feeling of being his as he entered me later, gently, and then more swiftly increasing the intensity of the thrusts as I asked for more and more until he reached yet another boiling point - before that warm feeling of his discharge inside me. I can only describe it as the moment that all seemed worthwhile, that life finally seemed worth living and I was for the first time alive! The moment when the decisions I had made and the path I had took was confirmed as where I wanted to be and where I wanted to stay. I was George’s and he was mine, and hopefully it would be that way forever.

I never asked George if that night had had the same effect on him as it did me. That was the night that I was finally accepted. To be honest, I did not care. I know he wanted me and was happy with me and that as a family we functioned, albeit as a rather unusual one. We fit together! Soon after that night, I resolved to go at least some way towards changing my gender. Appointments were made and advice taken and soon I was on hormones to change the shape of my body and grow my own breasts. My body accepted the changes well and I know have an impressive cleavage of my own. The final decision to remove me of my last bastion of masculinity has still to be made, but is clear enough in my mind, even if our relationship fell apart tomorrow, which it won’t, I would still not go back to being the rather geeky male Alex who came to act as a babysitter here all those years ago.

The waves that our relationship caused were felt the length and breadth of my family. As I suspected, Dad took news of my new identity the worst. I am still not sure if it was the deception at the party or just his homophobic nature that led him to cut me off, but that he did. From that first day when we came clean about our plans, we have not spoken. George wanted to go around and clear the air or have it out with him, but I begged him not to. We hoped that if he could see the stableness of our relationship and the loving upbringing that Melissa was receiving, he would change his mind. But as of yet, there is no sign of that happening. We resolved that should he alter his position, then there would always be a place for him at our table.

Mum and Ashley were somewhat different. Although they found it difficult to accept at first, they are now firmly on board. Indeed, soon after our relationship became common knowledge, Mum admitted to me that she had had an instinct that she would never see her son back as he was when he left home. I think they can see the value of the family unit we have built and the love and happiness that surrounds us. What was a pretty sad and unhappy farm that I had first come to had grown to be a happy family. Mum and sis’s support has kept me strong and they have acted as a buffer between me and Dad. I’m making sure that Dad still sees Melissa from time to time and that he is not deprived of seeing her grow up into the wonderful young lady she is today.

Melissa was never a problem, despite those first couple of days when I was Alex (male), as I refer to him, she has never seen me as anything else other than Alex, the woman. The woman who was there for her, the woman who took her to school on her first day, the woman who wiped away her tears when she had a fall, the woman who she can come to when she is troubled and wants help. She has developed into a confident fun loving girl whom any parent would be proud of to have as their own daughter. I know we are.

I am not the emotional type, but she has reduced me to tears at least twice, once when she was playing with friends when she was about six and in typical childlike fashion her friend took one of her toys and would not give it back. I was busy clearing away lunch dishes as they played on the porch watching over them. As any child would do she called out "Mum, Ashley won’t give me my doll back." The word stopped me in my tracks, yes she said Mum I though as two plates dropped from my hand and smashed to several pieces on the floor, tears flowed from my eye’s as I picked up a towel and wiped my eye’s before going out to see what all the fuss was about.

The other was when she fell ill due to a bout of appendicitis. The emotion surrounding a child you love dearly being ill reduced me to a blubbering wreck. Sure, she was going to be fine and make a full recovery, but those first few days when she was at her worst were enough to have me in a state of permanent upset.

I never did take up my teaching post, but will be starting work as a Classroom Assistant when the New Term starts in the autumn. I was surprised at how easy it was to get back into employment. I had imagined that my transgender status would hinder me, but in these days of equality and diversity, I guess I ticked many of the boxes that the Local Authority had to satisfy to prove its commitment to diversity.

The post is perfect as it is at the school that Melissa will move to in just over a year’s time. So with me being able to drive her to school on a daily basis and the fact that our holiday’s will almost match then our bond will be as strong as ever and I will be able to watch over her as I have done for all these years.

George has changed entirely. Gone are the drinking spells that so blighted his and Melissa’s life when I had first arrived. The change in his mood is also noticeable and that anger and depression that he had shown from time to time has now gone. It is replaced by an attentive father and partner who likes nothing better than to have days out with his family and quiet nights in front of the TV with the odd visit from friends thrown in.

Speaking of friends, I almost forgot to mention - Debbie is pregnant at long last!!! I think it has been a shock to her system to know that she will be a mother in less than six months. It has however, rekindled her interest in shopping, as she attempts to buy up as much clothes and toys as possible for her imminent reminder. I like to think that it was partly down to the stability that she saw in me and George that finally made her take the plunge, but then who knows? At least it has put an end to her swinging days.

Oh, and lastly, whatever did happen to Amanda? Well she moved away from the village shortly after that night. She still has no idea what my true sex was and I would imagine she would have flipped even more than she did if she had really known about me. She did however, finally get herself a man as Debbie saw her in Ayr one day complete with wedding ring on her finger. Good luck to her. I never liked her, but I never wished her no ill will. She is a career woman with no time for a family and was not right for George or Melissa. Those two needed a stable family unit and in me they found that!

I really don’t think there is much need for me to continue writing this diary, as my tale is over. Maybe I’ll add to it if something momentous happens, or if the tale ever happens to turn sour. What started as a job helping out the family turned into something so much more precious. I wouldn’t change it for anything! It’s been a long hard road, but every minute has been worth it. My family… that’s a great feeling to hear that! My family, I wouldn’t change a thing in the world. I love it just the way it is!

---

 
Thanks to all who have read the story and your kind comments and advice. Special thanks and hugs and kisses to Sephrena who has edited this series for me.

Karin R xxxxxxx

“Sorry,” I said resuming my examination of her tongue and chest. Keen to move my examination on my hand drifted to her lower regions, and began to slip up her thigh towards the promised land. Just as thing’s were getting really interesting the peace was shattered.

It was Gordy: “Right, lads, put down who you’re doing and gather round. Lesley’s got a plan to fix Professor Prick for good.”

By Karin Roberts

---

 
 
It’s been a nice day–not too hot with a light breeze–as I recline back on a Lilo, a glass of white wine in one hand and a long white menthol cigarette in the other. I watch as the sun glints on the water in the swimming pool. The water gently, lapping against the side of the pool. My mind drifted back to just around 15 years ago when thing’s were not as good as this and life was so different. Let me tell you about it…

At that time my name was Craig Adams; I was born in 1971 in a small town just under 10 miles from Glasgow. In my years at Primary school I was very much a loner and I struggled to make friends. Around the time I was due to start secondary school my mother discovered that my dad was having an affair with a woman at his work. They split up and divorced soon afterwards. With all this change going on I decided to implement changes to my own life.

I resolved to become more outgoing and get some friends into my life.

By the time I had started second year I had a growing band of friends, some may have called us a gang. We hung around the leisure centre, the shopping arcade and the local cinema. Gradually our high spirited behaviour became a bit more serious. We became involved in small gang fights, and some minor shoplifting. I was glad I now had so many people that I could call friends, but was a little disturbed by our new pursuits. As you do in situations like this you go along with the group, not wishing to be seen as a softie and lose my new-found friends, I became involved in the small scuffles, all the while being careful that I was one of the last into the fray. When a fight broke out I picked my target carefully trying to ensure that I got to one of the weaker members of the opposing group first, thus keeping my end up in the group and minimising any injury to myself. When the shoplifting was going on, I made sure I was one of the lookouts and was never the actual thief.

As we became a bit older our interests changed, suddenly girls and alcohol were the flavour of the day. We would meet up in a wooded area with as local dialect would have it a “carry-oot” and drink and smoke ourselves into oblivion. Each person pairing off and “lumbering” any available female. For those not from these parts, this was local dialect for kissing and feeling each other up, and basically trying to get your partner to go as far as you could. It was during one of those sessions that my life was about to take a surprising turn!

One night in early summer we were all gathered around a small fire, the cigarettes being passed around and the alcohol flowing freely. The toughest guy of our group and self-imposed leader was a guy called Gordon or Gordy for short. Anyway this night his particular girlfriend Lesley was missing.

“Where is the bitch?” he growled, as the drink began to take affect and his mood started to become a bit irritated. “If she does not turn up soon, one of those other hotties will be facing the force of the Gordy boy tonight and she can go fuck herself,” he announced as he glanced over at the four or five girls sitting drinking in the shadow of one of the trees.

About 15 minutes later Lesley burst into the clearing in a clearly angry mood. “Where the fuck have you been?” snapped Gordy. “That little weasel Professor Prick got me a punishment exercise today from Mrs Kerr the English master. The prick kicked over my bag in English, and what do you know out popped my ciggies and a couple of condoms. After a lecture on the danger of smoking and pre-marital sex she gave me the exercise and threatened that if it was not handed in tomorrow, then she would see to it that my course work was failed in Health and Beauty.” Now if there was one thing that came close to Gordy in Lesley’s life it was her desire to be a Beautician.

“I’ll rip his balls off,” Gordy bellowed. “No, I want him out of the school. I don’t know how yet, but this time he’s history.”

Professor Prick, as Lesley had mentioned, was the quiet guy at school, you know the type–the class swot–the geek, the intelligent guy we all love to hate and make fun off. Like the others, I had given him my share of grief but with some reluctance. In him I could see myself at Primary school, the loner, the outsider, the victim of children’s cruelty. So although I had taken part in some of the pranks and abuse dished out to him, I did so with a certain degree of sympathy–I knew what it felt like. By this time the fuss over Lesley’s arrival had calmed down and she and Gordy were fast trying to make up for lost time. I joined the other guys and girls further over the clearing. Keen to make my night worthwhile I started chatting up a girl called Tracey, she was not the best looker in the group but I was only interested in how far she went.

As the others paired of we also parted and sat at one side of the clearing snogging each other if our life depended upon it. My hand drifted towards her breasts and rather roughly began to fondle them.

“Careful; don’t be so rough,” she said as I prodded at her.

“Sorry,” I said resuming my examination of her tongue and chest. Keen to move my examination on my hand drifted to her lower regions, and began to slip up her thigh towards the promised land. Just as thing’s were getting really interesting the peace was shattered.

It was Gordy: “Right, lads, put down who you’re doing and gather round. Lesley’s got a plan to fix Professor Prick for good.”

For the next few minutes Lesley outlined her plan to the stunned group. At the end she said, “Ideas anyone?”

The group exchanged glances before Dave spoke; “It’ll never work. Where are we going to find a guy who’s willing to dress up and try to be the Prick’s girlfriend?”

“There must be someone who owes us a favour,” Lesley replied.

“What about wee Brian? He owes you a favour, Gordy, for sorting out those two guys for him,” said Andy,

“Don’t be a dick, Andy, he’s way too fat, the idea is to get The Professor to fancy her. Nobody could ever fancy Brian.”

“Even if we do find someone, how exactly is that going to get him kicked out of school?” asked Angela.

Lesley explained; “Well, we get them alone, Professor Prick’s got a dose of the horn and takes the hottie into into a bedroom. One thing leads to another, the guy gets his skirt up exposing his dick we burst in take photo’s then leak them all over the school. There’s no way he can come back after that. Just think of the embarrassment.”

“But what about the guy in the pictures? Won’t he be in the same position?” I asked.

“Don’t be daft, Craig, it’s only his dick that will be in the pictures. If I showed you a picture of some guy’s piece from school would you know whose it was?” replied Lesley.

“It might work,” said Angela, “but we’ll need to get someone quite quickly it’s only 7 weeks till the end of term.”

“That’s right, it’s perfect timing because if we time it right, it will even screw up his exams and he won’t be able to take them; so no University for him.” Lesley laughed.

“Now, get your thinking caps on, gang,” said Gordy.

With the announcement over we returned to the business of the evening. I was still keen to see how far I could get with Tracey and thought the best place to restart was where I left off, my hand slipping up her thigh that bit higher. Her own hands were doing there own wandering and she was now massaging a fairly large bulge in my shorts, with her other hand running up and down my back. Just as it was getting really interesting and her hand snaked inside my shorts, the effects of the alcohol from the evening kicked in, and I had this overwhelming urge to pee. Not willing to take the risk of filling her hand with warm piss, I explained that I needed to take a leak and went of to the other side of the clearing behind some bushes.

Once relieved, I started to walk back to Tracey, just as I stepped into the clearing a voice piped up, “Craig, just stop there, don’t move; just stand there.” It was Lesley. “Morag, put Dave down and come over here.” she shouted. “Now, Craig, just do what you did a minute ago,” she asked.

“What?”

“The way you pushed your hair back.” In those days my hair was a bit long. To give you an idea, if you can remember the boy band Hansen, then my hair was very similar in style. With both hands I pulled my hair back from my ears and let it flop back down just as I had when I came into the clearing.

“You’ve got a point, Lesley, with his teeshirt over his shorts it looks a bit like a short dress and the hair could be worked on. Hey, guys, I think we just found ourselves a girl for the Prick!”

“Oh no , no way, I’m a guy’s guy, you’re not getting me in to this.”

Just at that point Andy stood up and announced, “I think we better can this for the minute; there’s a couple of cops coming along the path.” Sure enough further down the path a couple of local constables were walking towards us. “Dave, throw that bag of empties behind those bushes and let’s get moving.”

Dave took the bag and ditched it behind the bushes. I rejoined Tracey and putting my arm around her waist we all headed off towards the cops. They passed us without any hassle as we walked back towards town. It was getting late so we split up to take each of the girls home.

As we parted, Gordy turned towards me and said, “We’ll talk tomorrow, Craigy boy.”

I walked Tracey home in silence and after a brief snog on the doorstep I headed off home. “See you tomorrow,” she called as I went down the path.

“Eh yeah,” I answered, but in all honesty my mind was very preoccupied with what tomorrow just might bring.

---

 
To Be Continued...

You see, Craigy, that’s what mates do, help each other out, now are you in or out?”

“Look this would only need to be a couple of times?” I asked.

“Sure.”

“Okay I’ll do it”

By Karin Roberts

---

 
 
I awoke next morning after what had been a rather restless night. The closing events of last night were weighing heavily on my mind. There was just no way I was doing this. I went downstairs for breakfast. My mother was busy in the kitchen. “Morning, Craig, you want something to eat?”

“It’s okay. Just fruit juice will do for me,” I replied as I opened the fridge to pour myself a glass.

“You going out today?” she asked.

“Yeah, a little later,” I said. Leaving the kitchen I went through to the lounge and flicked on the television, settling back on the settee I tried to watch while flicking through the sports’ pages of the morning newspaper.

About a half hour later I heard the telephone ring, “Craig, darling, it’s Gordon for you,” my mother called.

“Shit,” I silently whispered, rising to take the call. “Craig, darling,” he mocked.

“Leave it out, Gordy,” I replied.

“Just calling to ask if you had thought any more about last night,” he enquired.

“I can’t do this, Gordy.”

“Sure you can; Lesley’s confident she can make you passable, and it’s not as if we are asking you to do anything with him, just get him in the right place at the right time and we will do the rest. Look Lesley and Dave are coming over later. Come round, I may have a little incentive to change your mind.”

“It will need to be more than a little incentive to make me do this, I’ll see you later.”

Later that day I walked round to Gordy’s. “How you doing,Craigy? Made up your mind yet?”

“I still don’t think I can do this” I said.

“Well I’ve been thinking, Craigy. It seems that being part of this gang is maybe second on your list of priorities. I got to thinking today about all the thing’s we’ve been involved in. It seems to me you’ve always been on the edge looking in, sure you were involved in the fights, and took and gave a few blows, but you were never really in the mix, were you? Then the stealing, always the lookout, never the stealer.”

“You know I would do anything for you guys,” I replied.

“So what’s your problem then?”

“You don’t see this as a bit to far?” I asked.

“No I don’t and it will get you the undying respect from the others and me. Look follow me I’ve got something which might help you make up your mind.”

Gordy led me to the shed in his back garden and opened the door. “Lift the sheet at the back there and see what’s underneath.” Below the sheet was a very expensive Hi-Fi system. “About  £500 quid’s worth there,” he announced. “You remember Eric that left last year to work in the Electronics factory? Well, he had a little trouble with two of his workmates; asked me to help him out, so I did. He repaid me with that, it’s yours if you pull this off. You see, Craigy, that’s what mates do, help each other out, now are you in or out?”

“Look this would only need to be a couple of times?” I asked.

“Sure.”

“Okay I’ll do it”

“Looks like we’ve got ourselves a volunteer,” he announced to Lesley when we walked back to the house.

“I knew you’d come through,” she yelled and threw her arms around me and planted a kiss on my cheek. “Be at my place by noon tomorrow for a practice.” The rest of the afternoon we spent discussing the plan and having a few beers in the back garden. I trotted off home slightly the worse for wear and very apprehensive about what lay ahead.

The next day I arrived at Lesley’s just after noon.

“My parents are out so let’s get started. Margo’s here to help,” she said as she passed me a pair of white silky panties and a roll of tape. “Get undressed in the bathroom tape your dick up that will give you a more female outline, and then slip these on. There’s a dressing gown in there; when you’re finished come into the bedroom.”

I went into the bathroom and did as she asked, she was right about the tape as it certainly gave me a more female outline, slipping on the dressing gown I returned to the bedroom as ordered.

“Take a seat at the dresser, me and Margo can start your make up.” For the next 45 minutes they worked with creams, brushes, tweezers–the works. “There, finished now. We’ll do your hair and then let you have a look.”

Another half hour with cold and heated rollers and hair gel and the transformation was complete. “Right, then first stage of Project Nikki complete. Go have a look at yourself.”

I walked over to the mirror and my jaw dropped. “Jesus how did you manage that?” looking back from the mirror was a really attractive 17 year old. My hair had been curled in at the back and sides and parted on top leaving a shot fringe to just above my eyes. The eyes had been shaded in two colours of blue, opening them out and making them look bigger. Mascara had been used to lengthen and thicken the lashes and the eyes had been lined with dark blue eyeliner. Finally the lips had been painted with a raspberry red lipstick not too bright or slutty.

“Well I am studying to be a beautician” Lesley replied

“I think you just passed” I joked.

“Now let’s get you dressed.”

Lesley tossed me a pair of black opaque tights. “Slip them on and I’ll get you a bra to match the panties.” Opening the drawer she pulled out a white silky bra and brought it over. “We’ll need to pad it with something” she said.

“Ah well, that’s where I come in,” said Margo. She picked up a bag from the floor and dropped two silicone breast forms onto the bed. “These were my aunt’s before she passed away from breast cancer. I was really flat chested when I was younger, so I liberated them for my own use.”

“You diamond, Margo. Here, put your arms through the straps and fasten the catch at the back.” As I fastened the catch, Margo slipped them into the cups.” They’re a bit big; look, they’re, bulging out of the cups. They’re even bigger than mine. I’ll need to keep an eye on Gordy when you’re around, Nikki,” she joked.

Next, Margo appeared with a white mini corset. “You’re quite slim, but if we slip this on and just tighten it a bit it will give you a much better shape,” she said. She fastened it around my waist, pulling the laces in just a bit. The outfit was completed with a straight black knee length skirt and a white tee shirt with “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” printed on the front. Finally she handed me a pair of two and half inch black Cuban heels. “We’ll start you off on something a bit smaller in the heel but in no time you will be up to 4- and 5-inch heels just like us,” she announced. Margo handed me a small handbag inside were my cigarettes, a gold lighter and a small purse. “Put the lipstick I used on you in your bag and take that bottle of perfume on the dresser give yourself a spray and we’ll be off.”

“Be off?” I asked.

“Yeah, you need to get used to being outside, the guys are picking us up in 15 minutes.”

“Do I have to go out just yet?”

“Well, you don’t have to, but if you stay here you’ll need to keep my parents company ’cause there just coming up the drive.”

Sure enough as we stepped downstairs, Lesley’s mother and father were just opening the front door. Her mother looked up and said, “Hi, girls,” as she made her way through to the kitchen with bags of groceries; her dad stood at the bottom of the stairs as we descended. “Where are you off to, girls?” he asked.

“We’re off to the amusement park with a couple of friends, Mr Kerr,” Margo piped up.

I was aware of his gaze switching towards me. “And who’s this?” he asked.

“Nikki,” I mumbled.

“Glad to meet you, Nikki, I’ve not seen you with the girls before have I?”

Lesley interrupted; “No you’ve not; she’s Margo’s cousin from Hamilton and stop being an old perv and looking at her chest,” she said, opening the door to let us out into the garden.

We stepped out, me aware of her dad’s gaze still on my chest, and then my legs as I followed them out. As we got to the end of the street I saw Andy’s car approach and slow up to pick us up. Andy and Gordy were in the front, so me and Margo and Lesley got into the back. Both guy’s turning to check me out. “Jesus, babe, you’ve done a first class job I would never have recognised him. This is going to be easy, I doubt if Professor Prick has ever had a girl look at him, far less a fox like that take a close interest in him,” Gordy said.

“Look, let’s just get tonight over with. I’m nervous enough as it is,” I replied.

We drove more or less in silence to the amusement park Andy parked up and we got out. Mingling with the crowds I felt a bit self-conscious at first, but as the night went on and I was introduced to several people, including a few people from my own school none of whom seemed to notice, or have an idea that they were really speaking to Craig. Margo and me split off, and went to the diner to get a coffee. “How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Okay. It was rather strange at first but I’m settling down now.”

“You look great, you’ll pull this off no problem,” she added. Once in the diner we sat at one of the booths and Margo went to order two coffees. I took my cigarettes out of the bag and lit one, blowing a cloud of smoke in the air. I noticed two guy’s in one of the booths further down but paid no particular attention to them. Margo returned with our drinks and sat down. A couple of minutes later the two guys got up from the booth and moved towards us.

As they approached I recognised one of them as Ross, a guy who had left our school a couple of years before. They stopped at our booth, the other one–who I did not know–asked, “Mind if we join you, ladies?” Now I knew that Margo had harboured a secret crush on Ross, so she eagerly agreed and they sat down. The four of us chatted away before Margo got up and announced that she needed to go to the ladies leaving me and Ross and his friend alone.

With Margo gone, Ross asked, “So, where do you come from Nikki? I’ve not seen you with Margo before.”

“I’m her cousin from Hamilton,” I replied.

You going out with anyone?” he asked nervously. I slid another cigarette out of the packet and lit it.

“Y-y-yes,” I stammered.

“Pity. Look we need to go, but take this and give me a call if you break up,” he said as he handed me a card as they got up. “It’s been nice meeting you,” he added as they both walked away and left the diner.

A minute or so later Margo came back. “Heh where’d they go?” she asked.

“They just left a couple of minutes ago. Ross was asking if I was seeing anyone then handed me this,” I said as I handed her the card.

She looked at the card. “This is his business card,” she said. “You bitch! I’ve been trying to get into his knickers for ages and five minutes with you and he’s giving you his number.”

“Keep it,” I said, “I don’t think I’ll be using it.” With that we left the diner and went to join the others.

For the remainder of the evening we messed around in the arcade. By the end of the night I was pretty tired walking up and down in my heels. As we drove home the others questioned me on how I had thought the evening had gone, and was I more comfortable now? While I was not any happier with the situation, I was now feeling more comfortable that I would be able to pull this off. Margo even had to tell the group about my earlier encounter with Ross and how he had left me his number. Gordy found this particularly funny and commented that if I had fooled Ross then I would have no problem with impressing the Professor on Friday.

“Friday?” I said.

“Yeah, he goes to the Chess group at school on Friday evening, so I think we’ll deliver our little surprise then.”

When we got back to Lesley’s she sneaked me into the house and upstairs to change back. Once I was changed, we agreed on one more practice session for Wednesday at Margo’s before Nikki was introduced to the Professor on Friday. At that I headed home deep in thought about what had gone on tonight, but also quite pleased with how I had coped with my first outing.

---

 
To Be Continued...

While she was doing my face, Margo was working on my hair; with some curling tongs she put a slight curl on my fringe at the front and bottom of my hair. Lesley finished off my eyes with black mascara before outling my lips with a deep purple lip liner and then filling in the remainder of my lips with a pale lilac lipstick. Finished with my face both girls let me have a look at their creation. Looking back in the mirror was a very attractive seventeen year old–in fact I even fancied myself!

By Karin Roberts

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The week went quickly; the second practice session at Margo’s had gone well on Wednesday. The girls had dressed me and we had gone for a Burger at our local McDonald’s before having a walk around the local shopping centre doing some window shopping. So, with my confidence increased I was more assured as Friday and my big night arrived.

The plan was simple. We all had to meet at the school around seven-thirty PM; when the chess club ended around eight o’clock, we would wait for the Professor and, after some sort of altercation, I would be left to take him away from the group and befriend him with the hope that he would ask to see me again and then put the final part of our plan in place. I left school with Lesley and Margo, having told my mother that I was going to Gordy’s to do some studying. Both Margo’s parents were working so we had the freedom of the house to carry out my transformation for the night ahead.

Lesley went into the bathroom and ran a hot bath adding some typically girly bath salts. Handing me a jar of cream she asked me to go and spread the cream on my legs arms and torso. “What’s it for?” I asked.

“Oh just to make your skin a bit softer,” she replied.

Once in the bathroom I slipped out of my school uniform and put it away in the holdall I had brought with me. Smearing the cream over my legs arms and upper body I stepped into the hot bath. There seemed to be a sort of burning tingling sensation once I was immersed in the water but I put this done to the temperature of the water. I soaked for around fifteen minutes and then got up to dry myself of. Getting up I noticed that all of my body hair had gone and I was completely smooth. Grabbing a dressing gown from the back of the door I stormed angrily into the bedroom. “What the hell have you done to me, Lesley?”

“Don’t panic the hair will grow back in it’s just for a couple of days” she replied. “Now go and sit at the dresser and I’ll start your make-up”

“Okay but no more surprises, Okay?”

“Fine, whatever,” she said.

Seated at the dresser, Lesley began to work on my face choosing a foundation to match my skin tone. She massaged it into my temples and then the rest of my face. I must admit she did have a really good touch and I began to find her fingers working on my face quite relaxing. Finishing of with a slight dusting of powder, she began to outline my eyes with black liquid eyeliner and some pink and purple eye shadow.

While she was doing my face, Margo was working on my hair; with some curling tongs she put a slight curl on my fringe at the front and bottom of my hair. Lesley finished off my eyes with black mascara before outling my lips with a deep purple lip liner and then filling in the remainder of my lips with a pale lilac lipstick. Finished with my face both girls let me have a look at their creation. Looking back in the mirror was a very attractive seventeen year old–in fact I even fancied myself!

“Let’s get you dressed then, so we can get ready ourselves,” said Margo.

Margo handed me a pair of white silky panties, a pair of tan tights and some tape. Turning away, I taped my manhood back as I had previously and slipped into the panties before rolling the tights up my legs. She tossed me over the waist shaper and I slipped it on. This narrowed my waist sufficiently. As I stood Lesley came behind me and asked me to put my arms up. Both her arms slipped around my side and positioned the breast forms in place.

“That look okay? “she asked Margo.

“Fine,” came the reply. As she held them in place I was aware of a cold sensation around there edges, holding them in place for a couple of minutes she stepped away and let them drop. But they didn’t!

“What’ve you done?” I asked.

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist; it’s only a little amount of glue. They’ll come off quite easily and it won’t leave a mark.”

“It’d better not,” I said. With that, Margo handed me a strapless bra and as I slipped ‘my’ breasts into the cups she fastened it behind me. I must admit it was a strange feeling walking and feeling the breast forms attached and moving in response to my movements. With work completed on my underwear it was now time for my outfit for the evening.

Mt first item was a tight hip hugging white denim skirt which was an inch above the knee. Then a deep purple halter neck top, which fastened by a stud, at the back of my neck. The top had a low neckline which showed of some cleavage. Taking some foundation and a little powder Lesley dusted the edges of my breast forms so that appeared that they were perfectly natural. Finally, I was handed a pair of three and a half-inch white patent stiletto heels. I slipped them on; they were a bit tight and high.

“Walk around in them while we get ready. They’ll stretch and ease off a bit,” said Margo, as both girls left the room to get ready.

“Is it okay if I smoke?” I asked.

“Yes, but open a window and sit at the window sill so my parents don’t smell it,” she replied. I slipped open the window and sat down picking up a packet of white menthol cigarettes I took one out and lit it. Inhaling deeply, I blew a stream of smoke out into the early evening air, I must admit that I was beginning to like the taste of menthol cigarettes rather than my normal brand so I settled back to finish my ciggy and wait for the girls to come back.

Around 30 minutes later both returned; Margo was dressed in a black leather skirt with a white top and black four-inch stilettos, white Lesley had a pair of tight white jeans and a tight pale yellow top and pale yellow three and a half-inch stilettos to match the top. “You both look great” I said.

“Well so do you, and we can’t go out with our guys with you looking better than we do,” she joked.

Margo stepped over to the dresser and came back with a handful of jewelery. She handed me a pair of two-inch hooped gold earrings. I already had both ears pierced as this was the fashion at the time. Removing the studs that I already had in, she helped me to replace them with the hoops. Then she handed me a gold heart-shaped locket and a few gold bracelets, a ring and a gold-plated watch.

Slipping these items on, Lesley announced, “We’ve got about twenty minutes before the guys pick us up lets have a drink” Leaving the room she retuned a few minutes later with a chilled bottle of cider and three glasses. We sat by the window each of us smoking a cigarette and waiting for the guy’s to arrive and thinking about the night ahead.

About ten minutes later we heard a car horn. “That’s them let’s go,” said Margo. I picked up the small white leather shoulder bag that had been left on the bed and followed the two girls downstairs. Only Andy and Gordy were in the car Angela, Elaine, Brian and Dave were meeting us there.

“Evening, gorgeous,” Andy piped up as I got into the car.

“Fuck off and just drive,” I responded.

“You okay? You seem a bit tense,” asked Gordy.

“No, I’m fine. Let’s just get there and get it over with. Okay?”

“You know what to do?” he persisted.

“Yes, now can we just get going?”

“Okay, keep your hair on.”

Andy hit the road. “A Princess has her Prince Charming to meet,” he said with a snigger.

Less than ten minutes later we were parked beside the lane that led away from the school. We got out and met the others, all of them surprised at how good I looked. Andy was joking around thrusting his pelvis towards me and asking if I would like this in my mouth or when not doing that trying to touch my arse and being a right pain in the neck.

After about the third time he tried to touch my arse I snapped. “Grow up you prick” and I stormed over to the small boundary wall where Angela was sitting. Sliding myself up on the wall I said to Angela, “He’s such a prick.”

“Yeah, I know. I really don’t know what Elaine see’s in him,” she responded.

“Ciggy” I asked.

“Yeah, okay.” Taking two out of my packet I gave one to Angela and taking my lighter from the bag we both lit up. I sat on the wall secretly hoping that the Professor either was not at the Chess Club that night or would spot us on leaving the school and high tail it in the other direction, a couple of minutes later though I was to find out as the Professor emerged from the gates.

Not knowing what was good for him he headed straight in our direction. Just as he got to about ten feet from us I think he realised his mistake, Gordy stepped out in front of him and said “Good to see you, Professor. I’ve been meaning to have a chat with you.”

You could see the look of fear in his face as Gordy stepped towards him, “Hello Gordon” he weakly responded.

“Heh, listen to him! Hello Gordon,” Andy mimicked. I slipped off the wall and moved a little closer to the action.

Gordy continued; “You see, Professor, my girl Lesley, here, tells me that you got her into some trouble the other week.” he edged a little closer to him.

“No I didn’t.”

“Oh, so now you’re calling her a liar,” his tone rising.

“No, not really.”

“Well, what is it then? She’s either lying or you are, so what am I to believe, the girl I am seeing or a little useless piece of shit like you?”

The Professor finally responded; “It was an accident,” he admitted as Gordy got closer to him.

“So it DID happen then? Well, that’s unfortunate, especially for you.” With the closure of his sentence Gordy lunged forward burying his forehead squarely in the Professor’s nose. The blow knocked him of his feet and just as he had hit the ground, Gordy kicked him hard in the ribs lifting him off the ground again. Before standing over him I was on my feet, slipping in front of Gordy, I protested; “Cut it out; you’ll hurt him, you’re a bully, Gordy.”

“What do you care, Nikki?” Gordy shouted back, as Lesley gripped his arm and pulled him slightly away from me.

“Look, leave him. Look at the size of you compared to him,” I continued. Squatting down I asked him in my best femme voice “You okay?”

Holding his nose which was now gushing with blood, and struggling for breath he said, “I think so.”

“Look, lean on me and I’ll help you up and get you out of here.” His hand went to my shoulder and I helped him up, his other arm gripping his side where Gordy’s kick had landed.

As we walked away Gordy called, “That’s right, Nikki, get the little prick out of here before I kick his head in.” We walked away the professor leaning on me as we went, my first task successfully completed the rest was now up to me.

---

 
To Be Continued...

Margo was waiting for me on my return. “Well how did it go?”

“Fine, he took the bait he’s going to take me to the amusement park, but there’s only one slight problem,” I responded.

“What’s that?”

“He wants to take me out this Saturday as well, and I had to agree in order to get him to agree to the other date.”

”Date did you say?” Margo said jokingly.

By Karin Roberts

---

 
 
I helped the Professor away from the group his hand clamped over his still bleeding nose while his other arm rested around my shoulders. We were about 500 yards away from the group when I said, “They’re not following. Let’s get a seat in the park and we can clean up your nose.”

“Okay,” he mumbled in reply. We stumbled into the park and I led him over to one of the wooden benches easing him down as he clutched his side in pain. Opening my clutch bag I took out a packet of tissues and handed them to him. He wiped the blood away from his face and tossed the tissue in a bin.

“Tilt your head backwards; it will stem the flow of blood. It’s not broken, is it?” I asked.”

“No, I don’t think so but it hurts like hell.” We sat in silence with the Professor sitting head back and clasping his nose with another tissue. I took out my cigarettes and lit one up inhaling deeply and wondering how to make my next move.

About ten minutes later the Professor released his grip on the tissue. “I think it’s stopped now,” he said. “Thanks for that back there, I thought he was really going to do me some damage”

“That’s okay, Gordy can just be a big bully.”

“Won’t helping me get you in trouble with the others?” he asked.

“Sure, he’ll be as mad as hell, but Margo’s my cousin so he won’t take it out on me–or her–as she’s best mates with Lesley. How’s your side?” I continued.

He stood up and slipped off his school blazer, tugging his blood-stained shirt out of his trousers and wincing as he lifted the shirt up to have a look. “You’re going to have one hell of a bruise there tomorrow,” I said standing up and tossing my cigarette on to the ash path. “Come on, I’ll walk home with you,” I insisted.

We started off towards the housing estate where the Professor lived. “I’ve not seen you around school,” he said.

“No, I left last year, but was actually at Hamilton Grammar School” I replied as we neared his house. “I can’t keep going on calling you professor, what’s your really name?” I enquired.

“It’s Edward, Edward Wilson.”

“Hi there, Eddie, I’m Nikki.” I replied, offering him my hand we shook hands.

“Good to meet you, Nikki, and thanks again for tonight.”

As we got to the end of his street we stopped and I waited for him to ask to see me again. ‘No come on,’ I said into myself. “Well I better get back,” I said out loud.

“Yeah, it’s getting dark,” he responded. “Well, it’s been nice to meet you, Nikki, and thanks again for tonight.”

“No problem,” I replied, as we shook hands once again and I turned to leave. Damn! It was not going to happen.

I was about ten paces away from him and then, “Nikki, wait up a minute,” as he jogged back to me. “Look, I was thinking just to say thanks for tonight, can I take you for a coffee sometime?”

“Yeah, that would be nice,” I answered. “How about next weekend, say around two o’clock? I’ll meet you at the town hall.”

“It’s a date then, see you Saturday,” I responded.

As I walked back to meet the others the first part of our plan complete. About 10 minutes later I had rejoined the group. Lesley eager to find out if I had pulled it off. “He wants to meet me on Saturday.”

“See I told you you would be perfect. Another meeting and he’ll be putty in your hands and then we can set about ruining his life,” she said happily. We messed around the shopping centre for the next couple of hours me mixing easily in my fem attire with individuals young and old. By about ten o’clock I was beat; the high heels were killing my feet and calves and I needed out of them badly. We all returned to Andy’s car and got in heading back to Margo’s when we returned the light’s in her house were still out so I had no problem with changing back to Craig. Once showered and redressed, Lesley came over and grabbing my hand lent forward and gently kissed me on the lips. “Thanks, I really appreciate what you’re doing and how hard it’s been for you, but it’ll soon be over. Oh, and don’t breathe a word to Gordy about that little kiss, otherwise you might end up as female for good, if you know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I do. Look I need to head home so I’ll see you during the week.” Turning, I left the bedroom and headed back to the car where Andy and Gordy sat waiting to take me home.

Once back home I went into the kitchen and grabbed a Coke. “Is that you, Craig?” my mother called. “Did you have a good night?”

Poking my head in the living room I said, “Yeah, it was okay. Look, I’m dead beat; I’m just going to bed.”

“Okay, darling, see you in the morning.”

Mounting the stairs I headed up to my room, my mind awash with what had gone on tonight. I had really made somebody believe close up that I was a girl, even to the extent that they had asked to see me again. I didn’t know whether to be pleased that I had pulled it off, or still embarrassed that I was going around with my friends dressed as a cute girl. One other small point was worrying me though I had enjoyed it more than I should have!

–O–

The next week went by with lightning speed and come Saturday I was ready for my next adventure as Nikki.

Turning up at Lesley’s just after noon, she was ready to transform me back into Nikki and once undressed I slipped into the bath robe they had provided for me. Covering my face with foundation and powder she applied some dark pink eyeshadow to my eyelids before using a lighter shade on my eyesocket, some mascara and a bright glossy pink lipstick for my lips. My nails were then painted in a matching pink colour and left to dry.

Margo, like before, was working on my hair. “Your hair’s getting a bit longer. Let’s try a pony tail,” she said. Pulling the hair tight into the side of my head she slid a hair scrunchie over the end and moved up to the crown of my head. “Yeah, that works quite well,” she said as she slipped a pair of gold Creole earrings on my ear lobes. Lesley handed me a gold necklace with a gold dolphin hanging from it, a couple of ring’s and a watch to complete the look. Taking the tape I had used to secure my manhood previously and a pair of pink lacy panties that Margo handed me, I retired to the bathroom to secure my penis away. Once it was taped away I slipped on the panties and admired the female form that the concealment gave me before returning to the girls.

The breast forms were once again secured to my chest and encased in a matching pink lacy bra. Margo gave me a pair of tan 10 denier tights which I slid on before Lesley tossed me a pair of white jeans. “Here try these on, they might be a bit tight but give them a try. I stepped into the jeans and pulled them up my body pulling them over my hips and tried to fasten them but they were too tight. “Hang on a sec.,” said Lesley as she produced the a small white waist clincher. “Here, slip this on first.” Fastening the clincher, I once again tried the jeans and this time they fitted. Lastly Margo gave me a bright pink v-neck top which was quite low cut and showed ample cleavage; the top was of a wrap around design and tie fastened at the side.

“It’s a bit low at the front,” I said.

“Well, we want to keep his interest,” said Lesley as she slid her hand along my arse, “You’ve got quite a nice girlie bum,” she added as she walked over to the cupboard and returned with a pair of 4-inch pink high heels. Handing them to me, I slipped them on.

Margo handed me a white leather shoulder bag which had already been packed with essentials such as lipstick, mirror, perfume, cigarettes etc. “You’re ready,” she announced.

“What about you two” I enquired.

“You don’t think were coming with you?” replied Margo. “It’s a date after all, so you’re on your own. Now get going, you’ve only about twenty minutes to get there and you don’t want to be late.”

“Now remember, next weekend is out as me and Gordy are at a concert, so you need to get him to agree to take you out the following week that’s the week before the exams start,” Lesley added.

“Yeah I know.”

“Well, get going then and good luck.”

I stepped out of Lesley’s and walked towards the main shopping centre where I was to meet Eddie. The streets were busy with cars and pedestrians but my confidence was such that I paid no attention to the passers by although I did notice a couple of dirty old men staring at my chest as they passed me. The sound of my heels echoed on the concrete. In the distance I could see Eddie standing by the Town Hall; as I approached my nerves were beginning to build up the nearer I got. As I got to him, he said, “Hi, you look good.”

“Thanks,” I replied rather shyly.

“I thought we could go to the café and get a drink before maybe going to see a film” he asked. I was a bit taken aback, but agreed and we headed of to the café. When we got there Eddie said that he would get the drinks and I should go and get a table. I was aware of a couple of others from our school in the café and I could see them whispering and pointing in our direction. I walked over and slipped into one of the booths.

Opening my bag, I took out my cigarettes and lit one just as Eddie returned with the drinks and slipped in beside me. “How have you been “ I asked.

“Okay. My side still hurts a bit,” he said, raising his tee-shirt slightly and showing me a nasty bruise on his side. “What about you? Have you seen Gordy? Did he give you a hard time?”

“No he was okay about it; in fact he asked me to tell you that he was sorry as he think’s he overreacted a bit.”

“That’s big of him,” he said sarcastically. As we chatted more over our drinks, I slipped another cigarette out of the packet and lit it “You know I never really liked smokers before but there’s something about you I just find so–”

“–So what?” I asked.

“S-s-s-sexy” he stammered.

“Oh, you do do you?” I said playfully, punching him in the arm.

“Ouch that hurt.”

“Ooops, I don’t know my own strength,” I giggled.

When we had finished Eddie stepped out of the booth and offered me his hand. Startled a bit at first, I took it and stepped up beside him before he asked, “What film do you want to see?”

“I don’t care. You choose.” And with that we left the café, hand in hand, and headed towards the local cinema.

We walked along the pavement towards the cinema; “How about Crocodile Dundee 2?” Eddie asked as we entered the cinema.

“Yeah that’ll be fine with me,” I replied.

Eddie bought two tickets and we walked in to the auditorium just as the first titles were rolling on the screen. We sat in the second row from the back. The theatre was not busy–maybe only a couple of dozen at this mid afternoon showing. Around 15-20 minutes after the film started Eddie asked if I wanted some popcorn. With a positive response he headed of to the booth in the foyer. When he returned he handed me the packet and his other arm snaked around the back of my seat. I opened the packet and offered him some which he took and sat back to enjoy the rest of the film. I’m still not sure if it was a conscious decision or not, but I somehow leaned towards him and found myself snuggled into his side, his hand moving forward to rest on my shoulder. We stayed that way for the remainder of the film. Once the movie was over we got up and headed back to town.

Eddie stopped and bought us some chips before we settled on a seat in the town centre to eat them between us. I lit a cigarette and lounged back on the seat as he finished off our snack. “I’ve really enjoyed today,” he said.

Taking a long inhale, I blew out the smoke and replied, “Yeah, so have I.”

“Can I see you again” he asked.

“Yeah. Well, I was thinking Margo and the gang are going to the amusement park two weeks today. She asked me if we wanted to tag along.”

Eddie looked at me “Is Gordy going?”

“Well, yes,” I replied.

“Well maybe that’s not such a good idea given recent events.”

“It’ll be okay; you’ll be with me and he’ll not give you any hassle, anyway, it’ll be a good way for him to say sorry, and you would like to go with me, would’nt you?” I said reaching out and clasping the top of his hand.

“Eh, well yes, okay, when?“

“Two weeks today,”I repeated.

“Can’t I see you before that?” he asked eagerly.

This time it was my turn to stutter. “W-w-well, eh I’m not sure.”

“What about next Saturday night? There’s a disco at the town hall.”

“Eh well I don’t know,” I said.

“Go on. I’ve agreed to your date so you can agree to mine.” Finding myself slightly caught I agreed and we started to walk back towards the housing estate.

“I walk you back,” he said.

“Okay but I’m going to Lesley’s first as Margo’s over there.”

“Okay let’s go.”

We walked back hand-in-hand in the direction of Lesley’s house,stopping at the end of her street. “So I’ll see you on Saturday,” he said.

“Okay, where and when?”

“Well about seven PM at the Town Hall?”

“Okay.” Just at that point Eddie reached forward and his hand came to rest on my shoulder. As I turned my head towards him his head moved towards mine, and before I knew it, his lips touched mine only for a couple of seconds.

As my head turned back, “Everything’s okay isn’t it?” he asked.

“Yeah, sorry, you just took me a bit by surprise,” I lied. “Look I need to go” I said, and leaning forward I gently kissed his cheek. We parted and I walked the short distance back to Lesley’s my mind in turmoil. What was I doing kissing guys and letting them kiss me? I had to remind myself it was an act and I was doing this for a purpose.

Margo was waiting for me on my return. “Well how did it go?”

“Fine, he took the bait he’s going to take me to the amusement park, but there’s only one slight problem,” I responded.

“What’s that?”

“He wants to take me out this Saturday as well, and I had to agree in order to get him to agree to the other date.”

”Date did you say?” Margo said jokingly.

“Well you know what I mean,” I said sharply.

Just then, Lesley appeared; “So how did our protégé get on?” she asked.

Margo interrupted; “She’s done well. The Prof took the bait, but she needs to see him this Saturday as well.”

“No problem is there Margo? You can handle that on your own,” said Lesley.

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

“Okay let’s get you changed back,” said Lesley.

We went inside and upstairs to Lesley’s room. I went into the bathroom and began to undress. I had slipped off the jeans and the top when there was a brief knock at the door and in stepped Lesley. “Heh, I’m getting undressed here.”

“Calm down, it’s not as if I’ve not seen you like that before is it?” she said, stepping towards me as she locked the door. “I just wanted to thank you for all your putting up with for me.”

“Yeah, you’ve already told me,” I replied.

“Yeah, I know, but I figured you deserved more,” she said as her hand sneaked behind my head and eased me forward before planting her open mouth over my lips her tongue probing its way into my lipstick-covered mouth.

I jerked backwards. “What d’you think you’re doing? What about Gordy?”

Moving forwards again she said, “This will be our little secret. Anyway you’re still dressed as a girl, so it’s not as if I’m cheating with a guy,” she said, fondling my breast form before sliding her hand down between my legs and slipping the tape off my cock which was rapidly beginning to grow. Well, Lesley’s a really stunning girl so as she eased me back on to the toilet seat she found little resistance as she began to slowly wank me off. Then her head moved down and her mouth opened and tightly clamped on my cock. Easing her mouth up and down my shaft while her tongue licked and teased inside her mouth. Within minutes I was moaning and she removed her mouth before finishing me off with her hand as spurts of cum shot into the air. She tore off a piece of toilet paper and wiped her hands before getting up and heading for the door. As she did, she turned and winked. “Our little secret,” she said.

“Yeah, I know. I’ve no intention of telling anyone as I don’t like hospital food, and that’s where I’d end up if Gordy finds out.”

“Good,” she said and stepped out of the bathroom.

I finished getting cleaned up and dressed back into my own clothes. Lifting all my femme clothing, I went back to the bedroom and found Margo alone, sitting listening to some music. “Where’s Lesley gone?” I asked.

“Oh, she’s off to find Gordy; be back in about ten.”

”Right–well–I’d better get off. I’ll see you at school and then next Saturday.”

“Yeah no problem” she replied as I left the room to head off home. My mind was so confused: within the past hour I had kissed a guy and had a great blow job of my mate’s girlfriend. What the hell was that all about? This was really turning into a weird experience and my problem was I was unsure in my mind which I had enjoyed better ! Once home I skipped up stairs switched on the radio and lay back in my bed to try and get a handle on how I was feeling, within 30 minutes I was no further forward and also firmly asleep.

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To Be Continued...

“Good, come with me,” I said, and led him into the alley. My mind was racing what was I doing but I was excited at the same time. We stepped into the shadow and I turned my back to the wall and slipped my hand behind his neck and the other still holding my bag on to his waist and eased him towards me. Our lips met and opened with eager tongues finding each other and exploring our mouths as the passion increased.

By Karin Roberts

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The next week went very quickly and no sooner had it been Monday than Saturday came around and I was heading back to Margo’s for my latest adventure. I arrived there just after five PM; her parents had gone out for a meal and then a film so we had time to complete my look for the night. As soon as I arrived Margo had run a bath for me and left some cream to use to make my body smooth. I was comfortable with doing this now as the hair had just started to grow back, so I was happy that there would be no permanent hair loss. I soaked in the bath and then drying off I sprinkled some talc on my hairless smooth body. Slipping into the dressing gown I went back to the bedroom for Margo to work her magic on my face.

She started work on my hair which was getting longer by the week, in fact just earlier that day my mother had been getting on my case about it saying, “You’ll need to get that cut or you will look like a girl.” If only she knew, I thought to myself.

Using heated tongs Margo achieved a really curly bouncy hair style. She took some foundation and squirting a little on to her finger tips she massaged it into my face. “This looks like a much better colour for you; much more natural and it’s giving your face a kind of shine,” she said. Dusting some powder on to my face with a little touch of blusher she set about my doing my eyes. Some dark blue eye shadow with a lighter shade on the eyelid she then outlined my eyes with navy eyeliner before applying some blue mascara to finish off. She completed my face by outlining my lips with a dark red lip liner before applying a slightly lighter shade of red lipstick.

“Special treat for you tonight; you can pick your own outfit,” she said as she pointed towards her walk in wardrobe. I stepped over to the wardrobe and opened the door to find a vast array of clothing searching through each item I finally chose a rather short pale blue slinky dress with thin shoulder straps. “Good choice,” she said, “but you’d better wear the waist clincher with that as it’s even a bit tight for me.” Taking it off the rail I laid it on the bed as she handed me over the white waist clincher. I slipped it on and she tightened the laces before handing me a strapless white bra and some lacy white panties to put on I slipped into the panties before she approached with the breast forms and attached them to my chest, holding them in place till the adhesive set. Going back to her dresser she came back with a white suspender belt and a pair of sheer white stockings, “Here. put this on,” she said, handing me the belt as I sat on the bed. Fastening it round my small waist, she fed the suspenders inside my panties and then slipped the stockings up my legs before fastening them to the clips at the end of the suspenders. “Very sexy; if he catches a glimpse of these tonight it will blow his brains out,” she said pointing to the lacy stocking tops.

Taking the dress off the bed she took it from the hanger and handed it to me “You’ll need to just slip it up over your hips as there is no zip,” she said. Taking it from her I stepped into it and slipped it up. Breathing in, I managed to get it over my hips before slipping my arms through the straps.

“Perfect. It fits in all the right places; have a look in the mirror.” She was right it was tight on the bum and waist and emphasised the rather generous breast form I have been wearing. She walked back over with a pair of white four-inch stiletto heels. “Try these,” she said handing them to me, with a bit of a squeeze I managed to get them on and although when I stood up they were a bit uncomfortable, but I figured they would stretch a little bit with wear. She had already packed a small white leather clutch bag for me with all the essentials including a purse that she had filled with the money that I had in my jeans. Handing me a couple of rings and a gold watch and a white leather choker that had a blue rhinestone in front she set about fixing some gold earrings with a rather large pear shaped pearl hanging from the end of them. I slipped on the other items.

“There, finished and still half an hour to spare so let’s have a ciggy.” I walked over to the window as she opened it and pulled an ashtray from below her bed. Taking a cigarette from my purse she offered me a light and I inhaled deeply, blowing a cloud of smoke out of the window. “So you know what you need to do tonight? Make sure that he’s up for next weekend, whatever it takes just get him to agree to go”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t think it will be much of a problem with me looking this good,” I replied.

“No, neither do I,” said Margo with a smile.

Half an hour later I set off from Margo’s and walked the short distance to the Town Hall to meet Eddie. My confidence was high knowing I would pull this off and Eddie thought of me as a girl. I knew that he fancied me, but what confused me about all this was my own feelings and the where this was all heading.

“You look fantastic,” Eddie said, smiling as I reached my destination.

“Thanks, you look good yourself” I replied as I let him take my hand and plant a gently kiss on my cheek as he led me towards the entrance to the disco. Once inside we found a free table and I sat down to have a cigarette while Eddie headed off to get a couple of drinks. As I lit up I spotted several people from our school none of whom had any idea who I was and some just looked bemused as to how Eddie was there with an attractive girl.

We sat and chatted and had a couple of dances and I was struck by how intelligent Eddie was. He spoke about his hopes of going to University and how he saw his future and what he would like to do, but above all, he was charming and had a sense of humour that I suppose most of us never knew he possessed, as we had been so busy making fun of him. All in all he was just good company.

Lost in ourselves we were unaware of the couple approaching us from the dance floor. “Hi, Nikki, ’n Eddie, mind if we join you?” Turning towards the sound I was shocked to see Andy standing there with another girl.

“Eh, Eh, Andy, sorry I never saw you there,” I stammered as they both sat down.

“Didn’t know you were dating the Professor, Nikki,” he sneered.

“Well obviously Margo doesn’t tell you everything then, and anyway what are you doing here?”

Turning to the girl he was with he said, “Tracey, why don’t you take the Prof up for a dance while me and Nikki have a chat.” Tracey and Eddie headed out onto the dance floor leaving me and Andy along at the table.

I knew Tracey she had a terrible reputation as being a girl who was very free with her sexual favours to boys and her appearance tonight only backed that up she had a very short black skirt on, a see-through, white lace, very low cut top, at least five-inch black stilettos and lashings of make up and jewellery. “What the hell are you doing with her and what about Margo?” I asked.

“Well a boy needs to have his fun, Nikki, and if Margo’s not putting out then there’s always others who will. Anyway your not about to tell her in your situation are you?” he asked as he put his hand on my knee.

“Cut it out, Andy, I’m here to help Lesley.”

“Well that’s fine, Nikki, we can just tag along kind of double date,” he said smirking to himself as Tracey and Eddie headed back towards us.

Tracey sat down on Andy’s knee her short skirt riding up to expose the top of her stockings. “Here get some of this down you,” she said as she handed me a half bottle of Vodka. “Just pour it in your Coke but don’t let anyone see you” she whispered.

“I’m not sure,” I said hesitating.

“Get it down you, girl, it’ll help you relax and you do look a bit tense,” she insisted. Pouring some in, I took a drink and wondered about this unexpected turn.

About two hours later the disco was winding up we had been dancing and drinking and in truth I was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol a little. Andy suggested that we go for a drive in his car so all four of us left the hall and headed to the car park. Once in the car me and Eddie in the back and Tracey and Andy in the front we set off. After driving for about ten minutes Andy parked up and Tracey produced another half bottle of Vodka and some Coke. We had a couple of cigarettes and another couple of drinks by this time I was feeling rather tipsy. Andy leant forward and drew Tracey towards him his mouth finding her neck as she moaned and slid her hand towards his groin. I looked at Eddie who was looking towards my crossed legs in the dimly lit car. I could see that my dress had ridden up a bit and Andy’s gaze was on my lacy white stocking tops which had become partially visible. Caught looking he cast his glance away embarrassed that he had been caught. Tracey’s moans became louder from the front seat as I caught Andy’s hands begin to massage her breasts. Eddie took my hand and pulled me towards him finding my mouth he kissed me expecting a response. Not wanting Andy to see it I turned away saying to him that I felt a little sick and could we get out for some air. Making our excuses we climbed out of the car and left them together walking towards the Town Centre on our own.

“What’s the matter,” Eddie asked as we found a seat in the shopping precinct and I took out a cigarette and lit up as he sat down beside me. “You just don’t fancy me,” he persisted.

“No, don’t think that, I do,” I said surprising myself. “I just felt a little sick it must have been all that alcohol. Just give me a minute and I’ll be fine.” I said reaching out and clasping his hand. His arm slipped around my shoulders and a shudder rang through my body.

“You cold?” he asked.

“No, I’m fine. Just hold me for a minute.” We sat for a couple of minutes until I had finished my cigarette, and dropping the butt on the pavement, I extinguished it with the tip of my shoe and said, “Let’s go. You can walk me back to Margo’s; the girls are having a sleep over there tonight.” Taking his hand I got up and we walked hand in hand along the open shopping centre. Just as you get to the end of the shopping centre there was a small alley which led to the service area as we approached it I stopped and asked “Eddie you do like me and fancy me don’t you?”

“Off course I do you’re lovely and the best thing that’s happened to me in ages”

“Do you mean that?”

“Yeah of course I do, silly.”

“Good, come with me,” I said, and led him into the alley. My mind was racing what was I doing but I was excited at the same time. We stepped into the shadow and I turned my back to the wall and slipped my hand behind his neck and the other still holding my bag on to his waist and eased him towards me. Our lips met and opened with eager tongues finding each other and exploring our mouths as the passion increased. Eddie fondled my chest as his other hand slipped up my thigh and on to my arse pulling me closer. I could feel his hardness through his trousers. My hand slipped from his neck and traced its way down his body to find his zip, pulling it down my hand moved inside his pants and found a six or seven inch rock hard cock eager for attention.

Eddie broke the kiss. “Nikki, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he said.

“I want to” I answered resuming the kiss with eagerness then it happed after three strokes from my hand Eddie tightened and exploded over my dress.

“I’m so sorry, I’m an idiot” he said, stepping back and looking away from me in embarrassment.

Opening my bag, I took out some tissues and wiped away the cum from the front of the dress, planting a kiss on his lips I whispered in his ear “It’s okay, there’ll be other times,” I said taking his hand and leading him out of the alley.

We walked in silence back to Margo’s my mind in turmoil. What exactly was going on and what was happening to me? I felt so safe in Eddie’s arms so wanted and needed and I also thought that I needed him. Reaching Margo’s house I stopped “You still on for next week?” I asked.

“Wouldn’t miss it, I just love being with you.”

“Thanks I feel the same about you” I said. His hands on my hips we kissed again a long lingering gentle kiss then I turned. “See you Saturday then, around eight PM.”

“You will; can’t wait,” he said as he turned and headed home.

I walked up the path. Slipping round the side of the house as agreed I tossed a small pebble up at Margo’s window to attract her attention as she opened the window I said “Let me in.”

“Yeah, fine just come to the back door.” Moving round the back she opened the door and we went inside and upstairs to her room “What happened to the dress?” she asked spotting a stain on the front.

“Oh, Eddie bought us a Burger on the way home and I dropped some Mayo on it. Sorry.” Well, there was no way I could tell her that it was Eddie’s cum.

“No matter it will need washed anyway. You’d better get changed my parents will be back soon. We still on for Saturday?” she asked.

“Yeah he’s coming,” I said with a smirk to myself.

“Good, I knew you could do it. Now get changed.”

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To Be Continued...

Moving his face to within centimetres of mine he said, “I know all about your kind; I’ve read articles and seen a few books on TVs. This is what they want; to be submissive, be tied up and have some guy take advantage of them.” he growled. Startled and scared by his actions I was silent as his hands wandered up my thighs and under my skirt and across my bottom “Well isn’t it? Look at you in your short skirt, tight top and high heeled boots, and made up like a tart; you’re begging for some guy to restrain you and have you aren’t you?” he added, fondling my breast forms.

I was scared and not sure what he was going to do...

By Karin Roberts

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The week passed like lightning my mind in turmoil with different thoughts. This little adventure had proved surprising the incident with Lesley the way I felt with Eddie so safe and feminine in his arms, I enjoyed being with him his sense of humour his kindness and more than anything the way my body tingled when he touched and kissed me. Concentration was a problem during the week with several lapses being spotted by the teachers and landing me in some trouble along the way. My mother also noticed it “Are you okay, Craig?”

“Yeah, fine just concerned over the exams in two weeks,” I lied.

“You’ll do fine, dear,” she responded, oblivious to what was really going on.

So with the week gone I set off for Lesley’s house on Saturday, ready for the final instalment but also looking forward to seeing Eddie again.

Lesley and Angela were already waiting for me when I arrived. “Where’s Margo?” I asked.

“She’s got held up. Something to do with an argument with Andy,” said Lesley. “Anyway, Angela’s going to help and she’s good with fingernails, so go let’s get started.”

Angela led me into the bathroom and began cutting my fingernails; happy with them, she brought out a box from her bag. “What’s that?” I asked.

“Just some false long nails. We just glue them on, then you soak them in acetone later and they will fall off, so don’t worry,” she said, beginning work by selecting the appropriate size for each finger. “I really admire what you’re doing for Lesley; not many guys would do it,” she said as she glued the last nail in place. “There, they’re finished; just like mine,” she said, holding up my hands to show long tapered nails which matched hers. “Quite sexy,” she said, and she began to stroke the inside of my thigh.

“What’re you doing?” I asked.

“Well, Craig, as I said, I admire what you’re doing for Lesley and you’re quite nice looking.” Her nails traced their way up my now erect cock, her mouth covering mine and her tongue probing into my mouth. Guiding my hand under her short skirt, she pushed it towards her pussy. Getting up slightly, she slid her panties down. “I want you to finger me off with those long nails.” She resuming the kiss, and my fingers slipped inside her: I soon found her clit and the increased passion in her kisses told me she was getting worked up as my long nails flicked her joy button. Minutes later she moaned and I felt her warmth as her orgasm hit. “Ooh that was good,” she exclaimed, sliding down in front of me and gripping my still erect member. “Now for your treat,” she said as her mouth opened and slid over my shaft sucking furiously. She had me at boiling point within minutes and soon I burst inside her mouth spurting for all I was worth. Standing back she tore of some toilet paper and wiped her lips. “There now, get a bath. Lesley will be waiting,” she said as she casually turned away from me and left the bathroom.

Jesus this is getting weirder and weirder I thought as I turned off the taps having run my bath. Dropping some expensive Chanel bath salts into the bath I savoured the aroma and slid into the hot soapy water. Soaking in the water I tried to focus just on what I had to do tonight and tried to block out all the other side issues that were going on. The plan was for us to meet Eddie at the Amusement Park, goof around for a while and then all go back to Margo’s as her parents were away for the weekend. Gordy had already got some alcohol and we would have a party before I was to lead Eddie to his doom. With the offending photographs of him in a compromising situation they would then set about ruining his reputation in the school. I drifted in the aroma until there were three sharp raps on the door “Hurry up, Craig, you’ve been in there for over 40 minutes,” shouted Lesley.

“Oh sorry, I lost track of time. I’ll be out in a minute,” I said as I began to dry myself. Stepping out of the bath I took the tape from the window ledge and secured my penis up between my legs and went to join the girls.

“Where’s Angela?” I asked as I stepped back into the bedroom.

“Oh she’s gone off to get changed. Let’s see your nails?” she asked and I held my hands up. “Oh very nice. Now let’s get started; there are panties, a suspender belt and stockings on the bed. Put them on, then I’ll come back and do your make up.” She stepped out of the room. I slipped the suspender belt around my waist and gently rolled the sheer stockings up my legs, securing them to the clips at the end of each strap on the belt. Then I pulled on the black lacy panties Lesley had left for me. She came back in with her make-up bag and we moved over to the dressing table. The usual procedure followed with the application of foundation, some rouge and, a light dusting of powder. She then set to work on my eyes; using black eyeliner she outlined my top and bottom eye socket before applying a dark grey eye shadow with some silver on the top lid to make the eye look bigger. She applied some mascara to my eyelashes and then outlined my lips with a dark burgundy lip liner before using a lighter shade of wine lipstick. To finish the effect she brushed on some clear lip gloss to give my lips a nice sheen.

“There now let’s get your hair sorted; it’s really getting quite long,” she said as she smoothed it back leaving a front fringe. She secured it in a pony tail and brushed out the fringe. “You know you really do pass well as a girl. If I hadn’t known you, I would never be able to tell. I can see how the Prof has been fooled,” she said, as she attached some three inch hoop earrings to my pierced ears. Taking the breast forms from the dresser she applied some adhesive and carefully fixed them to my chest before applying some foundation and powder to conceal the seams. Handing me a black lacy under wired bra which seemed to push up my fake breasts even more we were now ready for my outfit for tonight.

Lesley produced a black body suit which had popper fasteners for between the legs which I fastened and pulled the suit up my torso it was made from tight Lycra and was really figure-hugging and low at the back finishing off with a narrow halter neck strap which also fastened with poppers behind the neck. This was followed by a really short leather skirt which had a slight two inch slit at the left hand side which only really covered the top of the stockings by about two inches.

“You don’t think this will be a bit short?” I asked.

“No, just make sure you don’t bend over otherwise everyone will get an eyeful!”

For footwear she produced a pair of black knee length boots with four-inch stiletto heels, which I pulled on and zipped up my legs. “They’re my mum’s,” she said. “I borrowed them so watch what you do with them. She’s a size bigger than me so they should be more comfortable,” she added. “Look I’m going to get changed so help yourself to some jewelery and have a ciggy. I’ll be back in about ten minutes.” She left me alone in the bedroom.

I looked through her jewelery box and selected a couple of gold bangles and a watch, a gold necklace with a heart at the end of it and three rings which I slipped on my fingers. Crossing to the window, I opened it and took the ashtray from under Lesley’s bed. I lit a cigarette; looking at the lipstick mark around the tip, I blew the smoke out the window and sat down deep in thought about the rest of the night. It was too late now I had to go ahead with this: I worried about the consequences for Eddie and my life getting back to normal if it could. I finished the cigarette and waited for Lesley to return crossing my legs in the way that Margo and Lesley had taught me in the early days–which now seemed so far away. Minutes later she returned looking absolutely stunning in a white see-through lace dress with only some discreet solid panels to cover her breasts and groin area. White five-inch stilettos completed the look.

“You look stunning,” I said.

“Well you look not so bad yourself. Let’s have a drink,” she responded as she produced a bottle of white wine and a couple of glasses. She poured me a glass and I offered her a cigarette which she took and we both lit up. The sight was quite surreal two good looking young ladies sitting smoking a cigarette and having a glass of wine waiting on their boyfriends to take them out for a Friday night on the town.

Finishing our cigarettes and the wine, Lesley produced some nail varnish–a colour matching my lipstick–and proceeded to paint my, now extended, nails, blowing on each one as she finished to aid the drying process. At the same time she went through the plan for the night and how her plan should turn out. Still listening, I meanwhile was thinking about the consequences if it all went wrong. When she had finished my nails she said, “Now, is everything clear? You know what you’re doing?”

“Yeah, I’m clear,” I responded.

“Oh and, Nikki, thanks,” she said. This was becoming rather confusing if she was even thinking of me as Nikki! Another five minutes and a car horn sounded. “That’s Gordy let’s go.”

I sprayed some perfume on my neck and wrist and some down my chest as Lesley had shown me and we walked downstairs to the car.

About ten minutes later we pulled up outside the Amusement Park. Margo and Angela stood with a guy at the foot of the steps. As we arrived both looked suitably stunning for the night; Margo with a short, red, tight Lycra dress and red and white stilettos, and Angela in a silver lurex top, with a short black skirt and silver stilettos. With them was a guy called William who was Margo’s cousin and whom she had been trying to pair off with Angela for some time.

We stepped out of the car with Gordy and Andy and walked over to meet them. As we reached them Margo spoke. “William, you know everyone except Nikki, I think,” she said, gesturing towards me. William stuck out his hand and I shook hands with him

“Nice to meet you, Nikki.” All the time his gaze was on my nipples which were showing through my tight top,

“Likewise,” I said and broke off the handshake.

“Where’s Eddie?” asked Angela.

“He’ll be here,” I answered as the three guys climbed to the top of the stairs, us four girls following behind, our heels clicking noisily on the tiled steps.

As we reached the entrance foyer, I stopped just inside and said, “Look, I’ll wait for Eddie here. You lot go on and I’ll meet you in the café.”

“Okay, but don’t be long,” snapped Gordy. As the others left, I walked to one of the small benches and sat down. Opening my bag, I took out my cigarettes and lit one to wait for Eddie. Several guys went back and cast a look at either my boots or my chest so by the time that Eddie appeared less than ten minutes later my confidence was high.

He was dressed in a pair of black jeans with a white shirt and black leather jacket. “You look stunning,” he said as he took my hand and helped me up from the seat. He leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on my lips.

“You look good yourself. You okay about tonight?” I asked.

“A bit nervous,” he answered.

“You’ll be okay; nothing will happen when I’m with you,” I said squeezing his hand reassuringly. “The others are in the café,” I continued, as I led him towards the door.

As he opened the door I let go his hand, not wishing the others to see the contact between us. We walked in and joined the others at the booth. “Hi, Prof,” said Gordy.

“Cut that crap now. His name’s Eddie,” I snapped at Gordy.

“Okay, Okay, keep your knickers on, Nikki,” Gordy replied. “Sorry, just ignore me, Eddie,” he added.

“Hi, Eddie, don’t you scrub up well,” Angela said, batting her eyelashes in his direction.

He blushed and said, “Hi, Angela.”

“Right, let’s get a drink and then get on with enjoying ourselves,” announced Margo, gesturing for the waitress to come to our booth. Our drinks ordered, we sat and chatted like any group of teenagers on a night out, laughing and joking and making plans for the night ahead. The group had settled into four couples which was intended, but I was a bit uncomfortable with the way I kept catching William looking at my legs and chest. Putting it to the back of my mind, as the group left the café and headed out into the park, to enjoy some of the rides.

The group moved around the different attractions, laughing and joking and enjoying each other’s company. Gordy and Andy decided to go on the Waterslide. We girls deciding that we had no desire to get sprayed with water, we opted out, standing well away from where splashes of water were cascading over the side each time the carriage plunged through the bottom of the steep incline.

Lesley passed the cigarettes around and we all lit up. William and Eddie were about ten feet away from us and once more as I turned, I caught Williams’s gaze upon my person. Margo mentioned that she wanted to go to the toilet so I volunteered to keep her company. Extinguishing our cigarettes in the sand bucket close by, we headed of to the nearest facility. Once inside Margo slipped into one cubicle and me into another; the bathroom was quiet, with only one other middle-aged lady inside. When we emerged we were alone and went to the mirror and opening our bags took out our lipsticks and lip gloss to touch up our make up. “Margo, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, no problem.”

“Well, it’s just does William know about me? I mean does he know that I’m Craig?”

“Yeah, I explained it to him last night and about what’s going on and he’s fine with it, why?”

“Oh, nothing really. It’s just the way he’s looked at me a couple of times.”

“Listen, Nikki, he looks at all girls like that, so don’t worry.” There, it happened again–someone using Nikki as my real name. I was in danger of losing my identity.

We spent another hour in the park before we all agreed to return to Margo’s. Her parents were away for the weekend and her older brother would most probably stay at his girlfriend’s for the night, so we would have the place to ourselves and Lesley’s devious plan could spring into action.

We all piled into Andy’s car, the girls on each of the boy’s laps, and headed the short distance back to Margo’s. Piling out of the car, Margo got Gordy and Andy to set up a barbecue while we girls got the food out and set up a table with the substantial amount of alcohol that Gordy had somehow managed to provide. It was a still balmy night so we took a Hi-Fi outside and while Andy and Eddie cooked, we girls danced away to a few tunes played by the local record station. Once the food was ready, the guys all grabbed a beer, and we girls, glasses of wine, and we mostly paired of with plates of food for each couple. Margo and Andy at the wooden garden seat, Gordy and Lesley sat at the patio table and Angela and William on the small dividing wall between Margo’s and her neighbours. Eddie and I found ourselves sitting on the three back steps that led into the kitchen.

Once we had finished our food each couple sat chatting to each other. I was sat close in to Eddie, his arm on my shoulders. “Nikki, can I ask you something? It’s likely that after the exams I will be going to University. I’ve applied for St Andrews or Edinburgh so I won’t be around. Can we still see each other during the holidays or maybe you could come through?” he asked eagerly.

“You’ll find lot’s of new girls once you go to University–clever intelligent ones,” I answered.

“I don’t care who I meet I’ve got all I want here,” he said as his lips gently touched the back of my neck and his breath sent tingles down my spine.

“We’ll see,” I said looking into the distance deep in thought. Five minutes later Andy and Gordy were larking about like idiots. In the garden, the music was still playing and I needed the bathroom. Handing Eddie my glass, I got up and said, “Get me another glass of wine babes; I just need to go to the loo.” Taking my bag and walking into the kitchen and upstairs toward the toilet.

I’m not sure why maybe it was because of what Eddie had just said and I wanted some time to clear my head but I let myself out the front door leaving it ajar, walked past the gate that led to the back garden and stood leaning against the garage door. Opening my bag, I took out a cigarette and lit it allowing the cool menthol taste to seep into my lungs and try and relax. The night was quiet and it appeared that we had most of this street to ourselves the light’s were out in nearly all the houses apart from one up at the top of the street.

I had only been there a minute or so when William stepped out the front door. “Ah, that’s where you’re hiding,” he said.

“Oh hi just taking a break,” I said.

“Yeah, me too, Angela can be a bit heavy,” he said as he stood beside me. “You know for a guy you do make a sexy girl.”

“Thanks, but this is Nikki’s last appearance.”

“Pity. Hey, Angela tells me that she done your nails today, I just love girls with long nails,” he said, taking my bag from under my arm and putting it under his arm. I dropped my cigarette and put it out with my foot and offered him both my hands. With lightning speed he produced a half-shut plastic cable tie from behind his back and slipped it over both my wrists, pulling it tight in the process.

“Hemmmph!” as he put a hand across my mouth and pulled me to the other side of the garage and up the small gap between the garage and the neighbour’s wall. With his hand still over my mouth he looked up and spotted some hanging plant pots reaching up he removed one and dropped it on the grass before pushing my hands above my head and slipping my bound hands over the wire pushing me back I could feel the garage wall on my bare back. Removing his hand he looked at me.

“What the hell are you doing?” I said quietly.

Moving his face to within centimetres of mine he said, “I know all about your kind; I’ve read articles and seen a few books on TVs. This is what they want; to be submissive, be tied up and have some guy take advantage of them.” he growled. Startled and scared by his actions I was silent as his hands wandered up my thighs and under my skirt and across my bottom “Well isn’t it? Look at you in your short skirt, tight top and high heeled boots, and made up like a tart; you’re begging for some guy to restrain you and have you aren’t you?” he added, fondling my breast forms.

I was scared and not sure what he was going to do so I just said, “Please let me go, I’ve got a job to do here tonight.”

“Yeah, I know all about that and that’s why I’m about to cut that tie off. Just as well, because if you didn’t, me and you would be getting to know each other a whole lot better by now.” With that he grabbed me by the pony tail and forced his mouth over mine pushing his tongue roughly between my lips and into my mouth. He reached up and took my hands down. Slipping a small pocket knife out of his pocket he cut the tie. “Now run along, Nikki but we’ll do this again, Nikki, and on my terms, I promise you.”

Shaking and nervous I picked up my bag and ran into the house nearly colliding with Margo at the foot of the stairs. As I started to go up, she said, “What’s up? Gordy says it’s time.”

“Yeah, just tell him I’ll be down in a minute. I think I might be going to be sick with the nerves.”

“Well, don’t be long,” she called out as I opened the bathroom door and went inside locking it behind me.

I sat on the edge of the bath and took out my cigarettes lighting one up I sighed and thought to myself this is getting mind blowing. What had started out to be favour for Lesley to get revenge had led somewhere I never had dreamed off. So far I had had a blow job off Lesley, snogged the face of a guy and wanked him off, and then fingered off a girl in her loo before she had sucked me dry, and now I’d had a bondage experience with a guy at a party, and next I was to lure a guy upstairs and have pictures of him taken with my cock in his hand! Inhaling deeply, I knew that the time had come, so I dropped the cigarette in the toilet and flushed it away. Re-applying my lipstick, I opened the door and headed downstairs.

Stepping out into the garden I was met by Eddie “Hey, where you been? I was worried,” he said, handing me the glass of wine I’d asked for.

“Sorry, I was taking to Margo,” I lied, lifting the glass to my lips. I took two drinks and had emptied it. “Get me another, babes.” I added, handing him the glass. Eddie made his way over to the table and I returned to the steps and sat down once .Lighting a cigarette, I waited for him to return. From further down the garden I could see Gordy look in my direction and then point towards his wrist watch. It was time! Eddie returned and sat behind me, his arm slipping around my waist, “You do trust me, don’t you?” I asked.

“Of course I do. I love being with you. I told you the other night, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” he said as he placed a gently kiss on my bare neck.

“Good, and you would do anything I ask?”

“Yes.”

Setting the glass down I took his hand and said, “Then come with me, I need to talk to you.”

As he rose and I led him into the kitchen, glancing back I was aware of Lesley tugging Gordy’s sleeve and gesturing with her eyes in my direction as we went inside.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs I broke into a run tugging Eddie behind me “Hey what’s the hurry” he said as I yanked his arm.

“Look, just move!” He started to run behind me. We had one chance: Margo’s house was very similar in design to ours. I knew that her mother’s bedroom window would be adjacent to the garage the gap between the window and the garage roof was only one paving slab we could climb out and drop on the roof. Once we slid down from the garage there was only one house to the right before some waste ground and beyond that there was a wooded area. If we could make it there, then we would be safe.

Pushing Eddie into the room I closed the door behind us and slipped a chair under the door handle. Bending down I unzipped the boots and slipped them off looking around I saw a pair of maybe three inch block heels I picked them up and headed towards the window, opening it as fast as I could.

“Look, what’s going on?” Eddie asked.

“I don’t have time to explain, you said you trusted me; now just do what I ask and follow me out this window,” I said as I began to climb out, tossing my bag and the pair of shoes on to the garage roof. I jumped the short distance and landed as quietly as I could. I could still hear the others in the garden so they had obviously decided to give it a couple of minutes before coming into the house to carry out the plan.

I saw Eddie at the window and gestured for him to follow me twice before he started to climb on to the ledge. Just as he got ready to jump, I could here Gordy say, “Right, gang, we’ve got a goose to cook. Let’s go.”

Eddie landed beside me. “Come on,” I said, “down here.” Leading him towards the edge of the garage I sat down and dropped to the concrete runway with my shoes and bag in one hand. Eddie dropped beside me and at that point I could here Gordy banging on the door.

“Hey! Let me in!” Grabbing Eddie’s hand, I started to run turning right past the last house.

We were past it and on the short piece of waste ground before I could here Gordy bellow out the window “You two are dead meat.”

We reached the trees and just kept on running finally we stopped beside an old farmers building catching our breath I was convinced that we were probably safe. “Care to tell what the hell that was all about” Eddie asked. “It’s a long story” I began.

I told Eddie about the set up meeting between us the plan to have him caught in a compromising situation and the plan to ruin his school career. Interestingly though the one thing I left out was the fact that I was a guy!

“So you were just using me?” he said angrily, stepping away from me.

“Well at first, but I didn’t know you then,” I said, lighting another cigarette.

“So how would l have been compromised found making out in a room with you” he asked.

I had to think quickly “Well, I had to use a dildo on you,” I lied. “Then they were going to tie you up and Margo and Lesley were going to make you up as a girl, take pictures and show them at your school.” Taking a draw from my cigarette I got up and slipped on the shoes I had taken and stepped towards him dropping my cigarette as I went.

“It’s just that since I’ve got to know you, I’ve realised how nice a guy you are. You’re smart, you’re kind and you’ll be successful what ever you do. You don’t deserve having your life ruined for a silly accident that happened weeks ago,” I said as I took his hand and sat on the wall beside him. “And besides I…”

“You besides what?” he asked.

Looking at the ground, I said, “I think I might be in love with you.” Did I just say that? I thought.

“You might be?” he asked.

“No, I am,” I answered.

His arm slipped round my waist and with his other hand he reached towards my head and turned it towards him, “That’s okay then, because I’m in love with you as well,” he said and his mouth moved to cover mine. My two hands on his shoulders, we kissed gently at first, and then as the passion rose our tongues eagerly played with each other.

One hand slid down his firm torso and settled in his groin area kneading at what was a growing bulge as his hand caressed my back and breasts. I unzipped his trousers and slid my hand inside his pants, sliding it along the length of his erection. Breaking the kiss I said, “Stand up a minute,” and as he did so, I hooked my hands either side of his trousers and pants and slid them down, while easing him back against the wall, my new long nails tickling his balls as my mouth moved towards his erection.

I teased the tip of it with my tongue before pushing back the foreskin with my lips and taking it in my mouth. My head bobbing back and forward it was not long before I could feel Eddie tighten and his hand gently on the back of my head. “Oh, Nikki, I love you,” and with that he exploded into my mouth.

We sat on a tree which had been recently cut down me smoking a cigarette and Eddie with his arm around my shoulder. He broke the silence “You’re going to get flak for helping me get away tonight.”

“Yeah, but it was worth it,” I said, smiling at him. Tossing the cigarette away I added, “We’d better get home, it’s getting late.” As I stood up taking his hand we walked towards the end of the wood where we could here traffic.

“I think it might be wise if we took a taxi,” he said. “They might be out looking for us. How much money had you got left? I’ve only got about 4 pounds.”

Opening my bag I checked my purse; “About seven pounds,” I said.

“Well that should get us both home, are you going back home?” he asked me.

“Well, I can’t go back to Margo’s, but I have another friend–I’ll call her.” We had just reached the main road and we looked around for a telephone box. Finding one, I said, “You flag down a taxi and I’ll call her.”

Leaving him I stepped into the phone box and pretended to drop some money in and lifted the receiver and dialled a fake number pretending to speak on the phone while Eddie had just managed to get a taxi. Putting the receiver down, I stepped out of the box. “Did you get her?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Let’s go.”

We both climbed into the cab. “Where’re you going folks?” the driver asked.

“Mason Street” and then Carver Lane,” I said, as he drove off. About three hundred yards down the street, true to form we saw Andy’s car with Gordy and William inside combing the streets looking for us.

“This will do here, driver,” I said as we approached the end of my street. Stopping, I turned to Eddie.

“When can I see you again?” he asked.

“I’m not sure. Look, I’ll get in touch,” I replied. He eased my head forward and gently kissed me “Goodnight,” I said as I opened the door.

“Goodnight, Nikki, and thanks again for tonight,” he said as I closed the door. As I stepped away from the car Eddie rolled down the window and called back “Nikki, I love you” and with that the car started to drive off.

I slipped off my shoes and walked barefoot down to my house. Now here was a problem; me fully dressed and needing to get back into my own house still wearing Lesley’s stuff. The front of the house was in darkness, so I figured that my mum had gone to bed. Slipping along the path, I looked round the corner and sure enough the bedroom light was on. Going back I knew where my Mother would have planted a key for me, so moving a large ornamental flower pot, sure enough there it was.

Quietly I slipped it into the lock and opened the door, closing it softly behind me, I slipped through into the kitchen and grabbed a plastic carrier bag I also knew that my mother had some nail polish remover in a drawer in the hall so taking that as well I started to climb the stairs.

“Is that you, Craig?” she called as I reached the top of the stairs.

“Yeah, sorry I’m late, we got caught up at Andy’s,” I lied. Her bedroom door was ajar, but she couldn’t see me from that angle. “Is it okay if I take a quick shower” I asked.

“Yes, but don’t be long.”

Relief swamped over me as I edged into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Stripping off all my fem stuff I took some baby cream from the cupboard under the toilet and a chunk of cotton wool and began to wipe the make up off my face satisfied that I was clean I dumped it in the loo pan and flushed it away.

Starting the shower I stepped in and soaked away the problems of the night. Life was going to be difficult for me in the next week or so, of that I was sure, but deep down I felt that I had done the right thing. Picking up the bag of clothes I wrapped a towel around me and slipped out of the bathroom “Goodnight, Mum,” I called.

“Goodnight, dear, see you in the morning.”

Stepping into my room, I stashed the bag of clothes at the back of my wardrobe, under some of my own stuff and went to bed. Minutes later I was sound asleep and dreaming of Eddie.

I awoke the next day troubled and a bit withdrawn. After breakfast I retired to my room and pretended I was doing some studying. My mother popped her head in early in the afternoon “You okay? Not going out today?”

“No thought I’d do some extra studying,” I said.

“Good for you, dear, it’s nice to see you making a real effort,” she said, leaving me to my thoughts.

A couple of times I rose and stared out the window. At the top of the street, just shaded my some trees, I was convinced that Andy’s car was parked, waiting on their chance to even the score. After dinner I watched some TV and then went to bed complaining of a headache. Sleep was difficult; I watched each hour go by on the clock as I tossed and turned, wondering how I was going to get out of this situation. When my mother came to wake me in the morning I feigned illness.

Feeling my forehead, she said, “You are a bit hot and look a bit peaky. I’ll ’phone the school and let them know you’ll not be in today. Now just get some rest and I’ll give you a call from work.” Satisfied that my ruse had worked, I relaxed and drifted off to sleep.

As we all know however, pulling sickies is only a short term solution and sure enough the next day I found myself leaving for school with a heavy heart and with mostly likely some serious music to face.
I knew that the classes that I had today would mean that I had minimal chance of bumping in to the gang today, and only my first class of the afternoon had Angela in it. As she had really only been a bit part player. During break I was anxious to find out what Eddie’s fate had been and went to look for some of his classmates. Seeing a girl who I knew studied Chemistry with him, I went over and made an excuse that I had borrowed a book from him. She confirmed that he had not been in school yesterday or today and in fact there was a rumour that his dad had pulled him out of school. Relieved that he was spared whatever the group had now dreamed up for him, I was disappointed that I would not see him again. The remainder of the school day passed without incident with only a smug smirk on Angela’s face during class I was relieved that the day was over and started off home.

I was a few streets from my house when I noticed Lesley and Margo hanging around a street corner having a ciggy, anxious to avoid confrontation, and sure that they had not spotted me I turned down a lane which ran adjacent to the street and would allow me to still get home just as quickly. Around half the way down I realised that this was a mistake as Andy appeared from the other side turning around my heart sank as approaching now from the other side were Gordy, Margo and Lesley. Trapped like a rabbit in headlights, I knew that my time had come.

Gordy spoke first; “Hi, Craig, we never got a chance to say goodbye the other night when you vanished with your boyfriend.”

“I can explain,” I said.

“Oh well, that’s nice because we would all like to hear it.”

“I just did not think it was fair to ruin somebody’s chance in life over a small thing like that,” I stammered.

“Well that’s where you and me disagree; you know I’ve always said that I did not think that you were really committed to this group.”

Trying to save my skin, I said, “Well if that’s what you want, then I’ll stop hanging around with you, guys.” Looking around there were nods of agreement.

Gordy began to turn and for one short minute I thought I’d saved my skin. Turning back and moving a bit closer he said, “Oh, there’s just one other thing, I think you might have some items that belong to my girl.”

“Yeah, I’ll drop them over later.”

“No rush, as you might want to wear them the next time you see your boyfriend.” Quickly and with no warning his foot connected with my groin area and my head exploded in stars as I crumpled to my knees. A punch to the side of my head saw me hit the pavement before Andy’s foot connected with my nose and blood flowed freely from the blow. Two kicks to my side and I was beginning to lose consciousness. As I rolled on to my back I was aware of Lesley standing over me and then her foot with her block heels crashed down on my groin. The day went black as I passed out.

I’m not sure how long I had lain there, but I awoke sore and with a raging headache. Touching my face I could feel some dried blood at my nose and some around my eye. My groin felt like that it was on fire and my testicles felt like footballs as I staggered to my feet wincing in agony as a pain flashed through my side.

Stumbling the remainder of the way home I fumbled open the door and lurched into the hall. My mother was in the kitchen and dropped the plate she was drying. “My god Craig, what happened to you? Who did this?” she screamed as she ran towards me.

“Just let me sit down,” I said and she helped me to the sofa, returning to the kitchen. She came back, bringing a bowl of hot water and a cloth. She began to wipe the blood away from my face.

“Was this Gordy?” she enquired.

“Mum just leave it,” I said.

“No, Craig. Look at the state of you. I’m taking you to the hospital to get you checked out.” She put down the bowl and helped me to my feet. Three hours later we were heading back home in a taxi, me with two cracked ribs and plasters over my eye and a whole heap of questions that she wanted answers for. Surprisingly when we got back I was sent to bed and the matter was not pushed any further but I knew that answers would be required sooner rather than later.

The next morning my mother brought me breakfast in bed. “How you feeling?” she asked.

“Still a bit sore, but better than yesterday” I replied.

“Okay. Well eat up, but I’ve taken the day off work so we’ll have a little chat later.” she said, leaving the room. There was nothing else for it; I was going to have to tell her the whole story. She returned about an hour later and pulled up a chair beside my bed.

“So what’s this all about then?” she asked.

“Just a minor disagreement,” I replied.

“Look you don’t get beaten up like that for something minor. It was Gordy, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Well, I’ll just go round there and ask him then.”

“No,” I said. “I’ll tell you.” For the next half hour I told her of how I had longed to be part of a group and had felt so alone and how we had got into some scrapes and how I had been coerced into this plot against Eddie, and how I had been dressing as Nikki to frame him. Needless to say, I left out all the weird things that had happened along the way.

She looked at me in wide-eyed amazement at the things I was telling her. “I’m not sure I believe you,”

“See for yourself,” I said telling her about the bag of clothes. She went to the dresser and pulling out the bag she emptied it on the floor there were the shoes I had borrowed, the breast forms, the short skirt, top and lingerie I had been wearing a couple of night’s previously.

“So that’s why you were reluctant to go and get your hair cut?” she said. I nodded. “Oh, Craig, I never knew you felt so alone and to do this only to be part of a group. But in the end, dear, I think you did the right thing. You can’t waste someone’s life over something as trivial as that. Now where does Lesley stay?” she asked, putting all the clothing in the bag. “I’ll let her have it back. It’s okay, I won’t say anything, I’ll just leave it on the doorstep.” I gave her the address and she said, “Get some rest. I won’t be alone."

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To Be Continued...

She pointed, “There’s a bag in the living room for you. I’ve ordered a taxi and it should be here in about five minutes, so go and get it.”

I walked out of the kitchen and into the lounge. A small clutch bag was on the couch. Opening it I saw a small mirror the lipstick and nail polish she had used, a couple of make up brushes, a powder compact and a purse which had around  £100 in it.

Returning I said “What’s all the money for?”

“Spending money. A girl can’t go shopping without enough cash,” she replied.

By Karin Roberts

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There was no question of me returning to school, as my injuries prevented me taking my exams. My mother arranged for me to take them at a local Further Education college during the summer, which made special arrangements for those who were unwell and could not sit them at the time. This was in fact ideal and some valued extra study time allowed me to catch up and prepare better, with the result that by the time I got my actual results through I had exceeded my own expectations. Fully recovered, I enrolled at the same College and began taking a Diploma in Administration Studies. Life was getting back to normal as the Christmas break approached. One day in early December I returned home, and opening the fridge I took out some fruit juice and poured it into a glass. My mother was making dinner by the sink.

“We had a visitor today,” she said casually.

“Oh who?” I enquired.

“Eddie.”

The glass dropped from my hand and smashed on the floor sending juice everywhere.

Grabbing a cloth and a brush she stopped in front of me and brushed up the glass before drying off the floor, while I stood there transfixed to the spot. Finally I spoke, “What did he want? How did he know where I lived?”

“He wanted to see Nikki and he said that he knocked on every door for three streets to find the right address.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Just that I would ask her if she wanted to see him, he left a contact number. So?”

“So what?” I asked.

“Does she want to see him?”

“How can she? She doesn't exist!” I said, sitting down at the table.

“She could though.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well I could help you to be Nikki again.”

I stared at her “You don’t mean that.”

“Look, I think you owe him an explanation. Don’t you?”

“Well maybe, but I could do that as Craig.”

“No that would be too much of a shock. At least this way you could maybe just get out of it. Tell him you met someone else or that you’ve changed your mind.”

“Oh this is too much to take in,” I said getting up and heading towards the door.

As I left she said “Oh, and by the way he says he still loves her!”

A couple of hours later I made my way back downstairs.

“Did you really mean what you said about helping me be Nikki again,” I asked.

“Only if you want to dear. I’m not forcing you.”

“Well I suppose it wouldn't hurt, and I do owe him some sort of explanation of who Nikki really is and why we can’t be together. So I suppose I could.”

“Good. I think you're doing the right thing, Craig. You’re a kind and generous person, you did the right thing the last time and I’m proud to have you as my son- or in this case daughter,” she joked, handing me the number. “Now go and call him and make arrangements to meet him.”
I stepped into the hall to call him. Closing the door for some privacy I picked up the receiver and dialed the number. A woman answered.

“Can I speak to Eddie,” I asked.

“Yes I’ll just get him. Who's calling?”

“It’s Nikki.”

“Oh Nikki I’m so pleased you’ve called! Eddie’s done nothing but talk about you since he went to University; He’ll be so pleased. Hang on…”

So Eddie had got in to University. I was pleased for him.

“Nikki it’s so good to hear from you, I’ve missed you."

"How are you? I hear you got in to University, I’m pleased,” I responded.

“Yeah it’s cool, and it’s all thanks to you.”

“Well I’m just pleased I could help.”

"What about you? Did you get in to any trouble with the gang?”

Obviously I could not tell him about getting beat up, so I said, “Well Margo’s really pissed and has not spoken to me since; but I’m at College now doing an Administration Diploma so I don’t really have any contact with her.”

“Good, I was worried about you. Look I go back to University tomorrow, but the Christmas Break is in 5 weeks. Can we meet up during the holidays? I really want to see you.”

“Yeah that would be nice,” I said.

“Where can I call you?” he asked.

“Well I’ve got this number. So when do you get back?”

“I finish on the 10th, so you could call me any time after that.”

“O.k. I’ll look forward to it. See you soon,” I said.

“Yeah see you soon. And Nikki?”

“What?”

“I love you.” And with that he hung up.

Returning to the lounge I told me mother what we had agreed.

“Your doing the right thing dear,” she said.

I gave her a hug and said, “I hope so.”

Nothing was said for a couple of week’s, and then one Friday after dinner my mother said, “You got anything planned for tomorrow?”

“No nothing.”

“Well I thought we could go shopping and get Nikki an outfit," she said. "My stuff is too old for you, we need something younger.”

“O.k.” I responded.

“But you will need to go as Nikki 'cause you’ll have to try things on,” she added.

“I can't do that. Look how short my hair is now.” “I’ll take care of that. Now go upstairs and take a bath. Use my hair removal cream to get rid of the hairs on your legs.”

Going upstairs I ran a bath and rubbed the cream into my legs arms and chest. I was familiar with this process already so the slight burning sensation was no surprise as I slipped into the hot scented water. Around 20 minutes later I emerged smooth and smelling of Chanel body lotion. I slipped into a pair of jeans and a teeshirt and went downstairs.
“Mum, if we go into town tomorrow won’t you be recognised? And if they do they'll wonder why your with a girl and not your son,” I remarked.

“That’s ok, dear, we're going to go to Edinburgh so nobody will know us there.”

Now that scared me a bit. It was ok walking around a small town, but a big bustling city was quite another matter. How would I cope?

“Now go to bed. We have an early start tomorrow.”

My mother woke me around eight dropping the bag of clothes that I had worn on Nikki’s last outing onto the bed.

“I thought you were taking those back,” I asked, surprised to see them.

"No I figured it would be too hard for Lesley to explain how a bag of clothes and a pair of breast forms appeared on their doorstep so I just kept them back, lucky or what.” she said with a smile, adding, “Now just put on the panties and the bra. And I bought some new adhesive for the breast forms. And then come and join me in my room.”

Leaving me to it she closed the door. Obediently I got out of bed and did as she asked. A few minutes later I stepped into her room.

“You’ve got not a bad figure," she joked, "Now come here and I’ll do your make-up.”

Sitting by the dresser she set to work with foundations and powder and brushes. “You know it’s great that you have such good skin for a boy. It makes using make-up so much easier,” she said as she brushed two colours of pink eye shadow on to my eyes before lengthening the lashes with mascara. She topped off the look with a glossy looking pink lipstick, and painting my short nails with a similar shade of nail varnish.

“What about my hair though? It still looks boyish,” I asked.

“Just wait and see,” she grinned. She walked away to her walk in closet and came back with what looked like a hat box. Opening it she took out a long blonde wig.

“Where did you get that? I’ve never seen you wear it before.”

“I borrowed it from a girl at work. Told her that I was going to a fancy dress party in a few weeks” she answered as she fixed it to my hair with a couple of hidden clips. Brushing it out I could feel the curly hair rest about four inches down my back.

“There," she said, "The perfect look.”

Once my nails were dry she handed me a pair of black opaque tights, and said “Put these on, I don’t think stockings are in order for a shopping trip. And then go and put your other clothes on.”

Slipping into the stockings, taking care not to rip them, I padded next door and put on the body suit and skirt. I could tell that they had been washed since I had last worn them, the shoes I had borrowed as we had made our escape had also been cleaned.

Fully dressed I went down stairs to wait on her making myself a coffee and sitting at the breakfast bar I crossed my legs as I had learned in my role as Nikki. Around 15 minutes later my mother came down dressed in a black skirt with her black boots and a red blouse.

“You know walking in here, looking at you all lady like at the breakfast bar, I would never have imagined that you could look so feminine and so much the young lady. Here take these-” she handed me a five bar gate gold bracelet and one of her old watches, a pair of pear drop gold earring’s and a necklace that had Nikki in gold letters on it.

“Where did you get that” I asked.

“I saw it in a charity shop the other day, only 2 pounds. So I thought it was fate and just bought it.” She handed me her Chanel perfume and I sprayed some on my neck and wrists as I had been taught to do.

She pointed, “There’s a bag in the living room for you. I’ve ordered a taxi and it should be here in about five minutes, so go and get it.”

I walked out of the kitchen and into the lounge. A small clutch bag was on the couch. Opening it I saw a small mirror the lipstick and nail polish she had used, a couple of make up brushes, a powder compact and a purse which had around  £100 in it.

Returning I said “What’s all the money for?”

“Spending money. A girl can’t go shopping without enough cash,” she replied.

A car sounded outside. “Take the little leather jacket off the coat rack that should fit you Ok and let's go.”

I picked up the leather jacket and put it on making sure that I took my longer hair out from the collar and let it fall down my back. As I made my way to the door I glanced in the mirror. Nikki was most definitely back, and looking as good if not better than ever.

Twenty minutes later we were on a train speeding towards Edinburgh. The train was not too busy, but as I looked out the window I wondered how I would take to the crowds of a bustling city. Around ninety minutes later I was about to find out as we stepped of the train in Waverley Station, the sound of me and my mother's heels click clacking loudly as we walked along the concrete platform and up the stairs to Princes Street.

About an hour later the buzz of the city had faded and I confidently followed my mother around shops looking for clothes to buy. So far we had managed to pick up a bra and panties set, a pair of black 4 inch stilettos, and a pair of 4 1/2 red inch stilettos that had a t-bar ankle strap. Having been on our feet for a while my mother suggested we get a bite of lunch, so we found a pub that did bar lunches and went in. Locating an empty booth by the back wall we took our purchases and sat down. Looking at the menu the young waitress came over and asked if we would like to order. “Yeah can I have a cheese and salad baguette please. Nikki what about you?” she asked.

“Eh, can I have the Tuna Mayonnaise sandwich platter please,” I said nervously.

“Anything to drink with that, ladies?” she asked quickly.

My mother said, “Yes can we have two large glasses of the house dry white wine please?”

“No problem, I’ll be back in a minute,” she nodded as she left us.

“Mum you ordered me alcohol,” I whispered.

“It’s to help you relax a bit. Look no one has given you a second look and the waitress just said ladies, didn’t she? And the guy sitting in the booth across from us had been watching your legs from the minute we sat down.”

“Mum!” I said, exasperated with her.

“I’m only telling the truth. When you get a chance glance over, you’ll catch him,” she said. Taking her cigarettes and lighter out of her bag she lit up. Waiting a couple of minutes I glanced round and sure enough caught him in the act as he avoided my gaze nervously with a blush.

The waitress returned with our meals and drinks and we proceeded to eat our lunch. Finishing our meal my mother took another cigarette and lit up as we sat sipping our wine. Now my mother was not a big smoker and only really on special occasions, or when out for a drink socially; then she smoked a special brand called More Special Menthol, which are longer and thinner than the average cigarette. I had always found it quite sexy when she smoked. Anyway she must have caught me watching her and said “Nikki, did you start smoking?”

I blushed and looked away.

“You have haven’t you?” she persisted.

“Only on the odd occasion,” I said sheepishly.

Lifting her packet she opened it and held it towards me, “Here, take one.”

I hesitated. She said, “Go on, take one!”

I reached forward and took one of the long slim cigarettes from the pack. She handed me her lighter and I put it to my lips and lit up.

“It’s ok I don’t mind,” she said as I exhaled a cloud of smoke. “We’ll get you a packet of your own when we leave here.”

We paid our bill and left the restaurant. Before I left I could not resist glancing at that guy, once more catching him in the act of admiring my legs and embarrassing him once more. Much happier with myself we resumed our shopping trip.
 
 
Our first stop was a specialist tobacco shop where my mother bought two cases of More SM and a slim gold plated lighter which had a very lady like narrow flame. We moved on to another department store and looked for some more items. I selected a pink jersey top which was split up down the sleeve with only a gold ring holding the sleeve together. There was also a gap just at the chest area which had a similar gold ring pulling it into a ruched effect. This was followed by a figure hugging tight black skirt which came to about two inches above the knee, and finally a red lacy blouse which was practically see through, and which resulted in the purchase of another set of satin red bra and panties.

Leaving the shop I said, “That should be enough. I’m probably only going to see Eddie once or twice at the most to explain.”

Sighing my mother said, “Yes, your probably right Dear. I suppose we should head back to the station.”

As we headed back we passed a particularly expensive designer shop.

“Let’s have a quick look in here” my mother said as she maneuvered my in to the shop. We had been in there for about 5 minutes when she said “Look Nikki. You just need to get that dress, it’s simply stunning!”

Over by the wall on a mannequin was a short strapless dress in black Lycra with an asymmetrical hem, which had narrows a fringe of small beaded strips.
“
I don’t need a dress, and besides I’ve nearly spent all the money”

“Oh please try it on. If it's o.k. I’ll buy it for you. And since Eddie comes back at Christmas there might be some party he invites you to.”

For peace I said o.k., I would try it on.

Getting an assistant to bring one in my size, we both stepped into the changing area and I put it on.

“Oh you look amazing in it. With long evening gloves and the right shoes it would be fantastic,” my mother squealed.

By the time I had handed it to her and changed back, she had plundered the shop for a pair of gloves and another pair of shoes. She also managed to get herself what I thought was an equally stunning tight red velvet dress, which was ankle length but had a split up one side to mid thigh.

Happy that we had all we needed we headed back and boarded the train that would take us home.

Once back home we had a light dinner and I went upstairs to change.

“Don’t change just yet, I’m going to open a bottle of wine. Let’s have a girly night in, a couple of glasses of wine and a few ciggies while we watch TV.”

I joined her in the lounge and she poured me a large glass of wine and tossed me a carton of the Mores. I sat down and opened them, kicked off my shoes and pulled my legs up onto the couch. Opening the first packet I took out the narrow cigarette and with my newly purchased lighter and lit it.

“Did you enjoy today?” she asked as I sipped on my wine, seeing the lipstick mark on my glass.

“Yeah it was o.k., but we bought too much. I mean one meeting with Eddie will probably be enough to explain this to him.”

“Yeah your probably right. But a girl can never be too prepared, and needs the right clothes for what ever comes up” she said taking a drag from her cigarette and blowing a cloud of smoke in the air.

Two or three glasses of wine later and a couple of more ciggies and I was beginning to feel tipsy, so I made my excuses and headed upstairs. As I went she said, “Goodnight dear, and I enjoyed today as well.”

Finally the 11tth December arrived and I called Eddie.

“How are you?”

“Oh it’s great to hear from you Nikki. I’ve been counting down the days to finishing, just to see you.”

“So when do you want to meet up? Is Saturday o.k. for you?”

“Yeah that would be great. We could go for a meal, then maybe a drink,” he said.

“Yeah that sounds good. Saturday around seven then? Look, if there’s any problems you can call me here at 257613…”

“Looking forward to it,” he responded; and with that our meeting was arranged.

“So when is it?” my mother asked as I walked back into the lounge.

“Saturday,” I said.

“Good. I’m not working on Saturday so that will give us all day to prepare.”

I spent the remainder of the week wondering how I was going to break the news to Eddie about Nikki’s true identity. I rehearsed several stories in my mind but the easiest and best was still really just the plain truth.

Saturday came around, and after a light lunch I was despatched upstairs to get ready. Bathing in some scented oil and rubbing on some more hair loss cream, I emerged smooth and smelling lovely. Drying and taping up my maleness, I put on the pair of red lacy panties I had bought, and the glued on my breast forms before encasing them in the matching red bra. I opened a pair of black shear tights and slipped them up my legs before putting on the bathrobe and returning to the bedroom, where my mother sat waiting to do my make-up.

She smoothed on a new foundation she had bought---which seemed to suit my colouring really well---before setting it with a light dusting of powder. She outlined my eyelids with black kohl pencil before brushing on some smokey grey eye shadow, then silver on the top lid to brighten them up. She had just finished my mascara when the phone rang.
“Hang on a sec, I’ll just get that,” she said leaving the room. She returned a couple of minutes later, saying, “That was Eddie.”

I looked up. “He wants to cancel?”

“No, not at all. In fact he just wanted to say that his Mother & Father are coming along to meet you.”

“What,” I cried, “That screws up the whole plan! I can’t confess to him with them sitting playing gooseberry, can I?”

“Maybe they will just stay for the meal and then go. You can tell him after,” she tried to reassure me.

She finished off my make up in silence, applying a dark wine glossy lip-colour which she brushed on expertly.

To complete my transformation I took out the red lacy blouse I had purchased and put it on. I buttoned up the front before taking the short black skirt and tugging it over my hips before zipping it up. I slipped on the new black stilettos that we had bought and took the jewelery that my mother had left on the dresser; and started to put it on. A single pearl ring, a choker with four strands of pearls, the gate bracelet I had worn previously, then her own gold watch (which was an expensive Rotary model but very nice, with a solid bracelet type band), and then a pair of earring’s with a pearl drop.

She had left a black clutch bag on the bed for me, and opening it I found all the usual essentials, including two packs of Mores and my new lighter, with lipstick, tissues and a purse with around  £40 and some change in it. She came back into the room and said, "Very nice, that skirt really hugs the curves. Now lets get your wig on and your nails painted and that will be you."

I had been letting my nails grow and last night my mother had cut and shaped them so by now I had just 3 or 4 millimetres of nail showing above the tip but beginning to look feminine and narrowing my fingers no less. She brushed out the wig and secured it to me head using a couple of clips and a little gum on the forehead cap for extra hold. Painting my nails she told me to stand up, have a look. It came as no surprise that looking back at me from the mirror was and attractive eighteen going on nineteen year old waiting to hit the town.

The process of getting ready had numbed my thoughts a little, and it was only when I returned to the lounge that it struck me that I was about to meet Eddie’s parents.

“Mum I need a drink. I don’t know if I can carry this one off, I’m so nervous. Is it o.k.?” I asked.

“Sure, no problem.”

She went to the fridge and opened a corked bottle of wine. Returning with a glass she handed it to me. I sipped on the wine took a cigarette from my purse and lit up.

“Look it will be fine, Nikki. How many people did we met when we went to Edinburgh. How many people did you meet when you were first seeing Eddie? And anyhow a girl is always nervous meeting a guy’s mother for the first time. I know I was,” she joked, trying to make light of the situation.

“Oh Ha Ha,” I said rather sarcastically, taking another draw from my cigarette followed by a sip of wine. Minute’s later a car horn honked.

“That will be the taxi.” Getting up and crossing to me she kissed me on the cheek and said, “Have a nice time. Now take the coat I bought you yesterday, it’s on the coat rack. And here’s my Chanel perfume."

Spraying some on me liberally she handed me the bottle and I put it in my bag. I crushed out the cigarette and went into the hall. Sure enough there was a short black overcoat on the coat rack which she took down and helped me on with, being careful that my longer hair was pulled out over the collar. Nervously I opened the door the sound of my heels echoing loudly on the concrete, as if they wanted to announce to the whole neighbourhood that I was going out. I walked towards the taxi. Opening the door I got in the back and gave the driver instructions and we were on our way.

Fifteen minutes later the cab was approaching The Lotus Flower, which was probably the most expensive restaurant in the town. Pulling up at the kerb I walked towards the entrance. I knew that there was a small lounge bar where diners waited before being called to their tables, and that was where Eddie said he would meet me. I stepped into the restaurant and into the lounge. I could see Eddie in the corner. His Mother was sitting with her back to me, his Dad side on. Eddie rose and came toward me, “You look lovely.”

“Nervous,” I said.

“Don’t worry, they will love you,” he smiled as he led me towards them.

His Mother and Father got up and turned towards us as we approached. His Mother was an attractive looking lady probably around 5-10 years older than my mother, with deep auburn hair and just the first sign’s of greying. His dad was an equally attractive man with greying hair, and a bit serious looking. His Mother was first to greet me, extending her hand.

“I’m so please to meet you Nikki. Eddie never stops talking about you, he’s mad about you,” she said as I began to blush.

“Don’t. You'll embarrass the girl," his Dad said as he offered me his hand and I shook it.

“Here sit by me dear,” his mother said, making space for me to slip into the booth.

“Would you like a drink Nikki?” Eddie asked.

"Yes please. A glass of Dry white wine please."

“I’ll get these. Same again folks?” his dad asked, and with our nods he headed of to the bar.

I was by now really nervous and opened my bag to take out my cigarettes. Holding up the packet I said, “Does anyone mind?”

“Not at all dear," his mother said, "In fact I’m a smoker myself. I don’t believe I’ve tried that brand, would you mind if I had one?”

I offered her the open packet and she went to take one. I immediately noticed her very long tapered perfectly-manicured nails, which made it difficult for her to get the narrow cigarette from the packet. I moved the packet back and slightly pulled one up.

“Thank you,” she said as I offered her the packet again and she slipped the cigarette out.
Taking one for myself I offered her a light and lit my own nervously, blowing out a big cloud of smoke. Making conversation I said, “I do like your nails."

"I have a friend does them for me. In fact I think I have her card here. She’s just started doing extensions, so if you would like some give her a call it’s not expensive,” she said handing me a card.

“I might just do that,” I said, dropping the card in my bag.

Eddie’s Dad returned with the drinks and I took a sip from the glass began to relax. Me and Eddies mother were smoking and girl chatting away while Eddie and his Dad sat and talked between themselves. Ten minutes later the waiter called for us and we went through to eat, the waiter taking our coats as we left the table and entered the restaurant proper.

Two hours later we had finished our meal and were leaving the restaurant. As my mother had suggested his Mum and Dad had just come for the meal and we were indeed going on for a drink ourselves.

As we waved them off in a cab Eddie said, “There, that wasn’t so bad was it?”

“I liked your Mum, but your Dad's a bit serious.”

"Oh don’t let him fool you. He is like that with everyone but he warms up after you’ve been in his company a couple of times. He liked you anyway.”

"Did he say that?” I asked.

“No but I caught him looking at your gorgeous legs three or four times.”

“Oh quit it” I said, pushing him playfully as he hailed down a cab.

Twenty minutes later we were in a trendy bar in town. I sat down at a booth and lit up a cigarette while Eddie popped off to get us some drinks. Once he was back he said “You o.k.?”

I puffed nervously on my cigarette, “Yeah. There was just something that I wanted to talk to you about.”

No sooner did I say it than- “Eddie, what a coincidence! what are you doing here?”

We looked up and there was a guy with a pretty slim red headed girl.

“Matt and Anne, imagine meeting you here.” Standing up he said come and join” us as he ushered them into the other side of the booth. “Nikki this is Matt he’s studying in the same year as me, and this is Anne who I’ve known since Primary school”

“Pleased to meet you both,” I smiled, shaking each of their hands in turn and detecting a certain coolness when I looked towards Anne. We chatted as a group and I noticed a certain bitchiness towards me by Anne and, in particular, a definite dislike to cigarette smoke as I caught her two or three times making little waving gesture’s when smoke came anywhere near her. We sat for around 3 hours chatting before Matt suggested that we share a cab home together “Yeah that would be fine” Eddie said and Matt went to retrieve our coats from the cloakroom Anne went to powder her nose.

“What’s her problem,” I asked.

“What?”

“She’s been bitchy to me all night.”

“Just ignore her. And anyway you’ve caught her with a couple of shots back,” he joked.

“She definitely fancies you she hangs on your every word,” I said.

“You jealous?”

“No.”

“No, and neither should you be, because I’ve only got eye’s for you,” he said leaning forward and planting a gently kiss on my lips.

“Hey you two lovebirds, quit it," Matt said. As we turned he and Anne were standing with our coats and Anne with a face that could kill!

We managed to catch a cab, and we had just dropped off Matt when Eddie asked, “You wanted to ask me something earlier?”

“Oh it’s not important. It will keep to the next time I see you,” I said as the cab pulled up outside my house. Leaning forward I gave Eddie a slightly longer kiss, knowing all the time that our other passenger was seething in her seat.

“See you later,” I said as I stepped out and waved them off.

Walking up the path I could see the lights were still on, and guessed that my mother had stayed up for a report on the night. Sure enough, when I got in she was sitting with a cigarette and a glass of wine waiting on my return. “Well did you tell him?”

“Pour me a glass of that, will you?” I said as I slipped a cigarette out of the packet and lit it. Sitting on the other chair I crossed my legs and took another draw on the cigarette, looking at the lipstick ring on the filter.

“Well I’m waiting,” she asked again as she placed the glass of wine in front of me.

“No I didn’t tell him."

“Why not?”

“Because I never got the chance,” I said, taking a drink from the glass. “We had the meal then went on ourselves to a bar as you said. But when we got there I was just about to start, when two of his University buddies showed up. We were stuck with them all night and then shared a cab home, so I couldn't tell him.”

“Oh well you’ll get another chance. When does he go back?”

“He goes back on the 31st because his folks are going back down with him to Cambridge, as his Dad’s got a brother near there. They are spending the New Year with them.”

My mother got up, taking my half empty glass and her empty one and filling them up. She offered me a cigarette and took one herself as we both lit up.

“Look I’ve got an idea,” she said.

“What?”

“Well you know that I’m going to a Christmas Eve Party at the Tavern Inn with a girl from work.”

“Yeah?”

“Well there are tickets left. Why don’t I get you and Eddie one, and you two can come as well?”

“But surely she knows you have a son,” I responded.

“Yeah she does, but I’ll make it known this week that it’s a young neighbour and her boyfriend that are coming. She’s never met you and anyway you pass perfectly, don’t you? So what’s the problem?”

“Well that might work, I’ll phone Eddie tomorrow and ask him.” Finishing my drink and cigarette I said, “Well I’m off to get changed and go to bed.”

As I passed she asked, “Nikki, did you like Eddie’s parents and enjoy tonight?”

“Yeah. His Mum’s very nice and his Dad’s quiet but o.k., and the night was fine,” I said, bending and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“Ok. dear goodnight,” she said as I left the room.

---

 
To Be Continued...

“There’s nothing to talk about. We can never be what you want us to be.”

“Why not?” he responded.

“Because I’m….”

“Yeah, you’re a guy.” he said.

I stopped. “You know?”

“Yeah I know. Now let’s get out of the cold. We can go into the all night café round the corner and talk,”

By Karin Roberts

---

 
 
The next day I called Eddie and asked him if he would like to go to the party.

“Yeah I’d love to.”

“It’s not going to be a problem with your folks you going out on Christmas Eve?” I asked.

“No not at all. They were raving about you last night, how nice and sensible you were. You made a real impression on my Mum, and as I said last night your legs made an impression on my dad,” he joked.

“Ha Ha,” I said.

“So I’ll see you Friday then?”

“Yeah I’m looking forward to it already,” I said, and hanging up.

“Well is he coming?” my mother asked.

“Yes, he wants to come,” I said, heading back into the kitchen.

“Ok, I’ll call Sandy who’s looking after the tickets and order another two. I’m looking forward to it, should be a good night.”

“Yeah, well just make sure you get your cover stories right,” I said as she went to use the telephone.

On the Wednesday I was sitting at home when my mother came home early afternoon. She made herself a coffee and settled into her chair.

"I was clearing up the stuff you were wearing the other night, and came across this," she said, holding up the card for the beautician that Eddie’s mother had given me. “I think we should get our nails and eyebrows done for the party.”

“But they are permanent,” I said.

“No they're not. If we can trim them the next day no one will tell the difference and your eyebrows will grow back in. Come on, my treat! And I don’t often pamper myself, I’ll get mine done as well.”

"Well, as long as you’re sure,” I said.

“Ok. I’ll make an appointment for Friday morning.

The week passed quickly. At times it seemed that my mother was more excited than me about the coming date. As Friday dawned she was up and about early, and woke me around 9:00am with breakfast in bed.

“Looking forward to tonight dear? I am,” she said as she handed me a tray with some two bacon toasties and some fresh orange juice.

“Yeah, but I’m not looking forward to telling Eddie the truth,” I said. “I have led him on so much, that he’s going to be pretty pissed. And he will have some explaining to do to his family, now that I’ve met them.”

“Oh I’m sure he will cope. He can just tell them you fell out or something,” she said “Anyway eat up, we’ve a busy day ahead…"

Once I finished breakfast I dressed in the white lingerie we had bought during our shopping trip, and the black skirt and pink top and my black stilettos. Once dressed, my mother applied a light make up job to my face and fixed my wig. We collected our coats and were off to the beauty parlour.

Arriving about fifteen minutes later, my mother was attended to by a girl called Linda while I was paired of with Margaret; and hour later I had shaped dyed eyebrows and new false pointy nails about half an inch longer than my finger tips. Leaving the salon we made our way to a local coffee shop where we had a coffee and a cigarette before heading home to prepare for tonight.

For the rest of the day we prepared food for Christmas dinner and generally tidied up around the house, me finding it difficult to handle things with my new longer nails. My mother sent me to have a bath and start to get ready around 4 p.m.

“Remember and use my hair loss cream.” she said as I stepped into the bathroom. I soaked in the bath for around half an hour before returning to my room to start and get ready.

My Mother had left lingerie for tonight lying on the bed. A black lacy under wired bra which was strapless and black lacy panties, neither of which I remember us buying, and a fresh pack of what the packet said was to hold up stockings.

Taping up my dick between my legs, I pulled on the panties and bra before the usual process of gluing my breast forms in place and encasing them in the under wired bra, producing an ample visible cleavage. I opened the pack of stockings, which seemed thinner and glossier than normal, and carefully rolled them up my legs before I settled the gummed lacy top on my thighs. Putting my dressing gown back on I crossed over into my mother’s room.

“Where did this stuff come from?” I asked as I opened my dressing gown.

“Oh that’s just a couple of items I bought on the way home yesterday. Do you like them?”

“Yes,” I said, “But isn't it a bit of a waste of money for one night?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll wash the lingerie and take it back after Christmas, make out it was too small and get the money back. Now sit down. Because remember, I need to get myself ready as well.”

After the application of foundation and powder my eyes were done in a dark wine and pink eye shadow with a purple eyeliner and mascara, my lips were coated with a rich wine lipstick, and some lip gloss applied to give them some sheen. The party dress that my mother had so insisted on buying during our shopping trip hung on a hanger on the closet door. Taking it out of the protective sleeve I slid down the zip and stepped into it.

“Can you help me with the zip?” I asked.

Sliding the bodice over my cleavage, my mother stood behind me and slowly pulled the zip up. "Let’s get your shoes and the wig on, and then you can see the finished article."

I sat back at the dresser and my mother pulled out the wig. She had obviously been working on it because turning it into a cascade of blonde curls. Finally she handed me the pair of shoes that she had bought on impulse after seeing this dress. I opened the box to find a pair of black five inch spike heels with a gold metal heel.

“They are lovely,” I said.

“Yeah I thought they would really suit the dress.”

Stepping into them they were surprisingly comfortable and easy to walk in. A selection of jewellery had been left out for me. A solid choker around one inch high, which I fastened to my neck. I’m not sure what type of stones were in it but they were like clear glass. There was a matching bracelet and a gold watch, and a pair of chandelier-type earrings, very similar in style to the type of thing the women in the TV programmes Dynasty and Dallas might have worn around that time.

Sitting by the dresser, my mother painted my nails in a matching rich wine shade. Waiting for them to dry, my mother went to the bathroom to begin to dress herself. About five minutes later with my nails now dry, I went to take a look in the mirror to see what I looked like.

I was amazed! The dress was absolutely stunning, and the young girl inside it was just as stunning. Leaving the bedroom I called to my mother that I was going downstairs to get a drink.

“O.k. dear, I’ll be down in about 15 minutes,”

I went downstairs and uncorking a bottle of white wine I poured myself a large glass. Taking out a fresh packet of cigarettes I pulled one out and placed it between my lips. Flicking my lighter, the narrow flame appeared and I lit the cigarette. I was now becoming rather nervous. This was the night I had to confess all, how would he react? Would he be angry, blow up and make a scene? I had helped him after all; but God's sake I had sucked his cock dry, and I was a bloke in real life. I sat down taking a large drink of wine to calm my nerves and smoked my cigarette, quick crushing out the remains of it in the ashtray.

A couple of minutes later the doorbell rang. Shit, who was that?

Placing my glass on the table I walked out into the hall. As quietly as possible I called upstairs, “Mum someone’s at the door.”

“Well just answer it. I will be down in a couple of minutes,” she replied. I walked towards the door and nervously opened it. There stood a guy in his mid forties, about six feet tall.

“Can I help you,” I asked.

“Oh you must be Nikki, Carole’s daughter,” he said.

“Eh yeah,” I stammered.

“I’m Robert. Carole’s date, for tonight.”

I stood in silence for a few seconds, wondering what the hell was going on. “Oh yes, you better come in.”

“You are looking stunning tonight, dear. Your Mother’s description of you does not do you justice,” he said.

“Eh thanks” I replied, all the time thinking she had been discussing me as Nikki with this guy. Showing him into the lounge I asked, “Would you like a drink?”

“A beer would be good," he said, and I went to the fridge to get him one. Returning I handed him the bottle and a glass.

“I’ll just see if she’s ready yet. Have a seat,” I said as I left the room and proceeded upstairs.

My mother was still in the bathroom, so I spoke quietly through the door to her, “What the hell’s going on? You said that a girl from work was going with you! And why have you been discussing me as Nikki with this guy?”

“Keep your wig on,” she replied. “Anne had to pull out at the last minute. I did not want you to go alone, and Robert’s been asking me out for ages. It's only a one off. It’s not as if I’m going to get serious about him.”

“But what if he mentions your daughter at work when they all know you have a son?”

“He won’t. He doesn't work with me; he runs the coffee shop where I get my lunch sometimes. Now go down and keep him company for a couple of minutes. I’ll be down in five.”

I went back downstairs and into the lounge. “She’ll be down in a couple of minutes,” I said picking up my cigarettes and taking one for the packet.

“Here let me,” he said as he produced a lighter from his pocket and flicked it into life for me. Placing the tip in the flame I inhaled. I removed it from my mouth, saying, “Thanks.”

“So who is this boyfriend of yours, and how long have you known him?” he asked.

“Eddie.” I replied, “eh only a couple of months.”

"Is it serious?" he asked. He was getting nosy.

“No it’s kind of complicated. I don’t know if it will last much longer,” I said as I sat down and picked up my glass of wine and took a sip. “So how do you know Mum?”

“Oh she comes into my coffee shop, you know. Lunchbox, in the High Street. I’ve been trying to get her to come out with me one time for a while now.”

I nodded acknowledging that I new where it was. Taking a long draw on my cigarette I inhaled craning my head upwards I blew a long thin stream of smoke towards the ceiling. Suddenly I was aware of Robert’s gaze falling on my chest as I did so. A minute later my Mother stepped into the room. She was looking better than she had for years; with the tight red dress she had bought, a pair of five inch red stilettos very similar to mine, and a wrap round silk lacy shawl over her shoulder. She had put her hair up in a much more modern style and was wearing far more make up than I think I had ever seen her wear before.

Robert got up to greet her. “You look gorgeous, Carole.”

“Thanks. You look well yourself,” she replied as he gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

“You look great Mum,” I said from the chair.

“Thanks dear. I think we’ve got time for one drink before we need to leave,” she said, taking my glass and pouring another glass of wine for me and one for herself. “Would you like another beer Robert?”

“No I’m fine with this,” he replied. She sat down and picked up her ciggies, and as with me Robert was quickly on the scene to offer her a light.

We sat and chatted for about ten minutes, me explaining to Robert that I was at college doing Admin, and my mother telling him about her work. Just as chit chat was running a bit dry there was the sound of a car horn outside.

"That’ll be the cab! Nikki your gloves and coat are on the bed," she said, "Bring mine down as well.”

I picked up my bag and went upstairs to collect the jackets. On my bed I was shocked to find a short white fur coat along with my long black satin evening gloves. Pulling them on, they reached the middle of my upper arm. Crossing the landing I found a black fur coat the same length as mine, which I picked up and took downstairs. Handing it to my mother she put it on, and we went out to the waiting cab.

It was a short cab ride to The Tavern Inn where the party was being held, and as we pulled up I spotted Eddie standing near the entrance. He looked really smart in a black suit with a light mauve shirt and tie. My mother and I stepped out of the cab as Robert paid the driver and I walked over to Eddie. He had a huge smile on his face as I approached.

“You look a million dollars,” he said, leaning forward and kissing my cheek.

“You look smart yourself. Shall we go in?” I asked.

He took my arm and let me to the entrance. Finding our reserved table the four of us sat down. Robert summoned the waitress and to my horror it turned out to be Angela, one of the gang from school. She approached and took the order.

All the time I felt as if her eyes were boring into me, but she made no comment and left to get the drinks. I gently kicked Eddie under the table and gestured my eyes in Angela’s direction. He reached over, took my gloved hand and gently gave it a reassuring squeeze, mouthing silently, "Don't worry it will be o.k."

Returning with the bottle of champagne, Angela put the ice bucket on the table and left four glasses. I was sure she winked at me as she turned and left.

The night had got off to an uncertain start for me, but after a couple of glasses of champagne I was beginning to relax. My mother offered me a cigarette, which I took and lit with my lighter. Both me and her were chatting, me explaining about Angela quietly and her reassuring me. Eddie and Robert were talking football amongst themselves as another bottle of champagne arrived. As both of us gently inhaled on our cigarette at the same time, I saw Robert look across at Eddie and say, “Eddie my man, what luck guys we are to be sitting here with the two most beautiful women in this hall.”

“I could not agree more Robert. We are the luckiest men alive!”

“Quit it you couple of flatterers; and take these girls up to dance,” grinned my mum, crushing out her cigarette. Robert offered her his hand and led her to the floor, as did Eddie to me, and we closely followed.

My head was spinning as we danced slowly to the band; whether it was the effects of the champagne, or the closeness of Eddie---the touch as his hand where it supported my bare back as we danced around the floor---or if it was the secret I had to reveal to him before the end of the night…

The night went quickly and in no time at all we were on the countdown to Christmas. As the assembled group counted down from ten we sat counting with them, hand in hand with each other waiting on the clock chiming. As the hour arrived the general greetings went from person to person, handshakes and kisses traded between friends and strangers, as is custom. In time all settled down and once again we returned as a group to the dance floor.

A slow dance was playing and Eddie held me close, my head lightly resting on his shoulder. He leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. I responded at first but then gently pulled back.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Look, we need to talk. And I need the toilet. Meet me outside in the entrance lounge in about five minutes,” I said as I slipped out of his arms, and picking up my bag went to the ladies room.

I could not miss the sight of my mother and Robert kissing strongly and passionately out on the dance floor as I went into the toilet. Inside, I slipped into one of the stalls and took deep breath. Now was the time. Finishing my business I touched up my make—up and went out the other exit into the entrance lounge. Eddie was not out yet, so I took out a cigarette and lit it, inhaling nervously. As I waited for him to arrive I gazed out of the window at the lightly falling snow.

The scene would have been really romantic if we had been a normal couple but we were not. Unaware of Eddie’s approach, I knew nothing until his two hands slipped onto my waist and his lips gently kissed my neck. “Hi gorgeous, what did you want to talk about?”

I stepped away from him. Dropping the cigarette, I crushed it out with the toe of my shoe. I began, “Eddie I need to tell you something. It’s about me, and it’s difficult. I do care about you and would never want anything to happen to you, but we can’t be together at least not in the way you think.”

“Why not?” he asked.

“Well you know that me and you getting together was a set up.”

“Yes.”

“Well there’s more to it than that you see, I’m-” I stopped.

“You're what?”

"I’m-” At that point he put a finger to my lips and I stopped again.

“Wait,” he said as his hand came from behind his back and produced a small box. Opening it, I saw a gold ring split into two narrow bands, at the top of which was mounted a rather large diamond. He said, “This is for you. I want us to get engaged.”

I stood transfixed like a rabbit in headlights for a few seconds, tears beginning to well up in my eyes. I pushed past him and quickly went to the cloak room. Collecting my fur jacket I slipped it on and made my way towards the door as quickly as I could in these high heels. As I walked down the steps and crossed the car park out on to the main road I heard Eddie call, “Nikki come back! Please, we can talk about it.”

Tears began to flow as I continued my flight down the street and away from the inn.

As I walked down the road I realised that it probably was not safe to be out walking at this time, dressed as sexily as I was and in drag. I really should have got a cab but there were none in sight so I continued to walk, heading back in the direction of home.

I had gone another 100 yards when I heard the sound of some drunken revellers coming to meet me. It sounded like a mixed group but I had no wish to meet them. Besides the fact that I was a guy in drag they would probably notice that I had been crying, as my mascara had run down my face. Not wishing to come into contact with them I ducked into a bus shelter and waited for them to pass.

They passed by the back of the shelter, not noticing me. I stayed put, lighting a cigarette and waiting for them to move off. As I calmed down my heart rate began to slow. This had gone way too far, I thought.

I was just about getting ready to leave when I heard footsteps approach. Backing into the shelter 'til they went away, I waited. As they got nearer they stopped, and suddenly Eddie appeared at the entrance.

“Go away Eddie,” I said.

“No. We need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. We can never be what you want us to be.”

“Why not?” he responded.

“Because I’m….”

“Yeah, you’re a guy.” he said.

I stopped. “You know?”

“Yeah I know. Now let’s get out of the cold. We can go into the all night café round the corner and talk,” he said reaching for my hand. I refused but followed him anyway.

As we entered the café they must have wondered what the hell we were doing there all dressed in our evening clothes. The clientele that were present, a couple of down and outs sheltering from the cold over a cup of warm coffee, and a trio of taxi drivers enjoying a break before going back out on the road. I went straight to the ladies room to touch up my make —up, and Eddie went to the counter to get served.

Having fixed up my face, I returned to the café and found that Eddie was seated in a remote booth away from the other customers, with two piping hot mugs of coffee. I sat down beside him. Opening my bag I took out my cigarettes and lit one.

He began, “After our last night together I just could not get you out of my mind, so I decided that on my first return from university I would get in touch with you. The trouble was that you told me you stayed in Hamilton, and I went to look for you. I walked the street each day hoping that I would spot you, but of course I couldn't find you.

"Then by chance I happened to bump into Angela. Now although she was part of the group any time I met her alone she was always nice to me, so I plucked up the courage to ask where I could find you. She told me the whole story about who you really were and that you were in fact Craig. I was shocked at first, but the longer I thought about it the less I cared and the more I just wanted to see Nikki again. You see, I have never been popular with girls but we gelled from the first minute, and I know you’re not a real girl but the thing is I still love you. I’ve thought about you constantly. I’ve missed you your company your kindness, your touch, your sense of humour- everything! I just needed you back.”

Stopping him, I said, “Yes, but what about our families? Your Mum and Dad, my Mother; what are they going to think?”

“Do they need to know? Your Mother seems quite cool about it. When I went to see her I told how I felt, and some of the things we had done like kissing, et cetera. I didn’t tell her about the last night, but she agreed to float the idea with you and see if you would play ball, and you have. And as for my Mother she’s done nothing but talk about you since we went for that meal. 'When are you seeing Nikki again? When are you going to bring her over?'”

Taking my hand he said, “Look, you’ve had your nails done your eyebrows done. Doesn’t that tell you something? That you like being Nikki, and furthermore you like being with me?”

“I need to go to the loo. Hang I’ll be back in a minute,” I said. Excusing myself and walking towards the toilet I went in, my mind deep in thought.

I stood looking into the mirror at the reflection staring back at me. A couple of things were beginning to fall into place now. My mother’s enthusiastic approach to our shopping, the salon visit, the introduction to Robert …..… It was as if she was pushing me in the direction of being Nikki. But is that where I wanted to go? I certainly liked being with Eddie, and I had cooperated with everything right from way back in the beginning with Gordy and Lesley. Nothing had been refused, every change they had implemented I went along with showing little resistance. But why?

I opened my bag and took out my lipstick. Rolling it up I applied some more of the deep wine lipstick on my lips. Smacking them once---as I had learned to do---I was finished. I began brushing out my hair.

Eddie was right, I did like being Nikki. The attention I got, the looks from men and the enviable looks I got from women were something that I had subconsciously noted but not really thought about. I sprayed some perfume on my neck and wrists and some on my cleavage, another clearly feminine gesture that I had learned over the last few weeks. When not dressed as Nikki I had even found myself standing like a girl, with slightly bent knee, and crossing my legs when I sat down. Closing my bag I went back out into the café.

I returned to the booth. Once I was seated, I lit another cigarette and looked at Eddie. He had the same look in his eyes as before he knew I was Craig, the same smile as he looked into my eyes.

“This is crazy. We could never pull this off forever,” I said.

“Yes we can,” he replied. “Nikki I need you, I want you with me.”

“But what about sex?” I whispered.

“Sex isn’t everything. We get on well; we enjoy each other’s company. That’s enough for me.”

“Is it? You're sure?”

“I would not be sitting here if it wasn’t,” he said. His hand moved towards his pocket and once again produced the jewellery box. Opening it once more he said, “Well what’s it to be? Will you be my partner Nikki?”

Before I could stop myself the answer was “Yes”, and he put the ring on my finger.

---

 
To Be Continued...